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MONSIEUR TOiNSON.
BY Wr, T. MOI^CRIEFF, B»Q,.,
Avtlior of " The Somnamhuhst ," ^'■Spectt e Bridefrromn ;' " Tom and Jen y ;" '■'Catai act of the Ganrres ;" <^c.
PHlNlt-D IROM lllL ACTING (OP^, WITH COSTUME, CAST OF CIIVRACTERS, AND THE \i HOLE OF
AS NOW I'ERFORMFD IN ALI
THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES
11^^
1
TUKNEIi & l-ISHER, 11 N. SIXrHSr.", ///' f^ ^A 52 CHATHAM ST., NEW-YORK. " " * • I' ^^J
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COSTUME.
MONSIEUR MORS LEU.— Striped coat with large' but- tons, white waistcoat embroidered, red breeches, striped stockings, shoes and buckles.
MR/ THOMPSON —Slate colour coat, embroidered waistcoat, slate color breeches, white stockings, shoes and buckles.
TOM KING. — Fashionable frock coat and waistcoat, white cord breeches, and top-boots.
JACK ARDOURLY.— Blue coat, white waistcoat and trowsers.
RUSTY". — Brown coat and breeches, red waistcoat.
USEFUL. — Light blue livery jacket, striped waistcoat, white breeches, and top boots.
NAP. — Watchman's coat and red night cap.
TRAP & WANTEM.— Frock coats, red waistcoats, drab breeches and gaiters.
FIP.— Brown fashionable coat, white waistcoat, and etriped trowsers.
WAITER. — Blue coat, striped waistcoat, white breeches and stockings.
ADOLPHINE. — A white leno morning dress, white chip hat.
M ADx\ME BELLEGARDE— Embroidered satin gown, red petticoat with furbelows, a high French cap, and high heel shoes.
MRS. THOMPSON.— A white muslin pelisse, fashion- able bonnet, scarf, &c.
STAGE REMARKS;
R. means Risrht; L. Left; C.Centre; R. C. Ri^ht of Centre ; L. C. Left of Centre ; D. F. Door in Flat ; R. D. Right Door ; L.' D. Left Door ; S. E. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; C. D. Centre Door.
*^* Tke Reader is supposed to be on the Stage^ facing the Audience.
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MONSIEUR TONSON.
ACT T.
SCENE I. Hart Street, Bloomshury. Evening.
Enter Adolphine, hastily, l.
Adolphine, Am I in safety ? (Looking round.) Yes ; I have, at length, eluded my pursuer. Unfortunate Adolphine ! Is it not enough that I am an emigrant from my native France ; that an impenetrable mystery hangs over my birth; that I am only prevented being wholly dependant on tho meagre exertions of one as wretched as myself, for support, by the sale of a few trifling drawings; but whenever, as now, I venture out, I must be the sport and prey of every libertine I meet? {Noise without, l») Ah! let me fly! he is here again ! Wretched, wretched girl ! [Exit, hastily.
Enter Ardourly in pursuit, l.
Ardourly. Confusion ! she has escaped me once more. What an unlucky dog I am ! to behold the only object I feel I can ever love, merely to lose her. Never did torment- ing fate lead a man astray with such beauteous will-o'-the wisps, as those piercing sparklers and twinkling little feet of her's. She's lost — I'm lost — we're both lost. What the
devil shall I do ? D e, I'll raise a hue and cry — I'll —
but — no, 1 11 not give her up. Yet, which way has she gone ? which way must I go ? Here's a stranger coming, I'll inquire if he has seen her.
Enter Tom Kino, r.
Pray, sir, have you seen a young woman I — Eh ? why zounds ! 'tis my old friend, Tom King.
King. What, Jack Ardourly I inquiring after a petticoat in the neighborhood of Monmouth-street ? We shall have Cupid turning old clothesman next. But, egad ! my dear lad, I'm devilish glad to see you. Why, I haven't l^ad the pleasure of meeting with you since your rich uncle, old A*
« MONSIEUR TONSON.
Thompson, popped so suddenly from the clouds, and made you presumptive heir to one of the first fortunes in the three kingdoms ; I congratulate you, faith I
Ardourly. Congratubte me I pity mc. What's the find- ing an old -uncle, to the loosing an angelic giri ? What's the favour of fortvme to the mulice of fate ? I am the most miserable dog in existence !
King. Miserable about a wench ! muslin-struck, quite. Ha, ha, ha ! Some tea-drinking milliner, I warrant her ; jdaying at hide and seek to some wealthjy fool to wed her. Was there ever such folly ? Oh I Jack Ardourly, Jack Ardourly !
Ardourly- Laugh at me, if you please, but hear me. If love is a folly, it is one I am up to my neck in. Ten minutes since, my heart was as free as j'our's ; but, as the mischievous spirit of Cupid would have it, making a short cut from Long's, I met a lovely girl, who instantaneously ctFected a conquest of me ; I started my fair ganje in Soho, she declined my attentions in Oeek.strect, bade me leave her in the most imperative mood imaginable; assumed tra- gedy airs in Berwick*street, ga^e me the slip in Cranbourn alley, and was lost in St Martin's-lane- I tracked the dear angel again in St. Giles's, but again parted with her and my heart in —
King. Hart-street, Bloom sbury-squar^. Ha, ha I This is whimsical enough ; but what sort of a divinity is this walking Venus, this flying goddess, this hunting Diana, of your's ?
Ardourly. Her dress and manners are evidently FrencJi, but her person is heavenly; her —
King. Ah ! I see ; one of those pretty emigrants we have lately imported from Paris, with crther French toys, to adorn our streets and amuse our leisiare hours. I'll soon rout her for you, my boy ! we'll set out on a voyage of dis- covery directly- What latitude did she sail in ?
Ardourly. I last missed her in this direction.
[Pointing off", K
King. Aliens ! then, you shall find me as sharp as a needle, in guiding you to this polar star of beauty ot* your's. We'll search every Frenchman's house in London, but we'll find her. We'll rummage Paddington, rout out Pancras, peep into Pentonville, summons Clerkcnwcll, and scour the Seven Dial* for her.
MONSIKUR TONSON. 9
Ardourly. And do you think we shall succeed?
King. When did Tom King- ever fail, when the object was to serve a frie»}d and to promote mirth? I'll make you happy, my lad I Zounds! for a quiz, a hoax, a joke, a jest, a song-, a dance, a catch, a talc, a race, or a row, Tom King- would'nt turn his back on any man in Eagland. A'n't I the choice spirit of the day, the jolly dog, the roaring boy, the knowing lad, the rare blood, the prime buck, the rum soul, the funny fellow ? Emperor of the Cockoniuns ! Chair- man of the Jacks I General of the Lubber Troop ! Master of the Mugs 1 Chief of the F^ccentrics ! Member of Daffy's ! President of thr> Flounder Club! Founder of the Snugs! Passed Noble Grand of the Odd Fellows I and Vice of half
the Freemasons' Lodges in the kingdom ! Oh, d e I
Tom King's the man ! so come along, my boy.
[Exeunt, r.
Enter Thompson and Rusty, l.
Rusty.. Well, well, master, I don't mind letting you have the run oi the key for an hour or two, if I go with you, and you can shew good cause.
Thompson. I can, I can. These French drawings which I sent you to purchase in Rathbone-place, that I might refresh my memory of Paris, are subscribed with a name that has unsettled all my plans again. Sec, Rusty, sec — Adolphine de Courcy ! the very maiden name of my lost wife ! The owner of this name lives, you say, in Seven Dials ?
Rustu. Ay; with Mounseer Morbleu, a French barber, one of your emigrants; at least, so the man at the shop told me.
Thompson. We will go to him directly ; I must see this Adolphine de Courcy ; she may be the wife I have so long lamented as dead ; or, more probably, the child I have so Jong and vainly searched for. What an unhappy man 1 am 1 doomed never to know a moment's rest.
Rusty. No ! I believe you never were so comfortable as when you were under my care in the Baslile. There you were properly looked after I nothing to disturb you.
Thompson. True, true. Ah ! I shouUl never have left England, only I knew living was much cheaper in France;
10 MONSIEUR TONSON.
and as I had but a very small fortune, I didn't wish to go feejond it j that brought on all my misfortunes.
Rusty. Serve you right ; you shouldn't have deserted your country, merely to save a shilling. I liope all absen- tees may have as much cause to repent it as you have.
Tiiompson. Hum ! then I should nevor have married my wife, the chief agent of all my troubles —
Rusty. As most wives are, mine was ! But she died in her confinement. She was confined the same time you were. Why did you have one so much your superior in rank and fortune as your wife was ?
Thompson. What did I profit by it ? When I discovered that the proud old marquis, her father, was never likely to consent to am union, didn't I marry her privately, and re- move her into a retirement where I thought no one would ever have discovered us ?
Rusty. And were found out the very first thing. She was sent to a nunnery, and you to the Bastile.
Thompson. It was a great misfortune the revolution breaking out.
Rusty. Yes ; for then the mob broke in, you gained your liberty, and I lost my place.
Thompson. Failing in my search for my wife and infant girl, I betook myself abroad —
Rusty. Where, having been used to confinement under me, you didn't leave your plantation till you had acquired a princely fortune —
Thompson. And no relation of the name of Thompson to leave it to, only my sister's son Jack Ardourly. But these drawings ! this name ! I have a thousand hopes and fears ; let us hasten directly to satisfy them.
Rusty. Well, I don't mind granting you a rule of court, as it's to transact your private affairs ; you may go.
Thompson. Come along, then. Heigho I [Exeunt, r.
SCENE II.— Exterior of Monsieur Morbleu's House and Shop in the Seven Dials. Door in flat, l. Shutters to open, Sfc. A watch-box at one, corner r. of flat. (^Night.)
Enter Morbleu, r.
Morbleu. Eh ! mon Uieu I Je suis bien fatigue vit my great business ; all de head of de nation wish to be turn by
MONSIEUR TONSON. 11
me! and I am sucli grand professeur, I turn all de nation's head ; coupe all dere objection short vid dere hair ; my close revolution crop silence evcryting ; and I make every man von Brutue. It is great cliaiig-c, ma foi, for me ; in do grande nation, under de ancicn regime, I was dc general of de regiment: here I am only do pcrruquier en general, unly take de Anglois by de nose in dc vay of my occupa- lion. Have noting to do vit any balls but de vash-bails ; no powder but de hair-powder; no chevaux-de-friz but de combe and dc tongs, dat I friz de cheveax vit. liut vere is my housekeeper, Madame Bellegarde? MadarAe Belleg-arde ! [Knocks at the door of his shop.
I Erder Madame Eellegarde, from House.
Eh bien, madame! Me voici, here I am glad to see you and de little domicile once again. Contment vous portez vous, cette bonne evening', madame?
Belle. Merci, monsieur, tres joli !
Mor. Joli ! you are joli comme une ange' que tu es char- mante, ma chere Madame Bellegarde !
Belle. Ah ! Monsieur Morbleu, you have so much of de politesse.
Mor. Ha, ha ! true, true ! you remember, madame, ven I use to valk de mirmet vit you, twenty, tirfy year ago, in de cour de Versailles. Oh! I'amour I dose vere bon temps.
AIR. — MoRBucu.
C'est L'amour, L'amour, L'amour, qui fait le monde a la
ronde, Et chaque jour a son tour le monde fait I'amour. Qui rend la femme plus docile,
Et qui flit doubler ses attraits; Qui rend les plaisirs plus faciles, Qui fait excuser ses exces. Qui rend plus acces ibles les grands dans leurs Palais, Qui salt rendre sensibles jusques oux sous-prefets. C'est L'amour, L'amour, L'amour.
Qui donne de I'ame aux Poetes, Et de la joie aux moins lurons ;
Qui donne de I'esprit aux betes, Et du courage aux plus pollrons.
12 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Qui donne des caresses Aux tendrons des Paris Kt qui donne des bosses A beaucoup de Maris C'est L'amour, L' amour, L amour.
Belle. Ah I monsieur, dat vas under de ancien regime.
Mor. Oui, oui, en verile. Times very much different now, ma foi ! Den I vas Monsiur Morbleu, Chevaher de Saint Louis, and General de Division! and you vere Ma- <lame la Marquise de Bclleg-arde, Dame d'Honneur, and grande beaute ! You very different ting- now, madame, and so am I. Now I am only one poor barbiere, and you my liousekeeper of all vork, to make de bed, scrub de board, and clean de logement. Eii, mon Dieu ! but vere is my little protegee, de petite Mademoiselle Adolphine, orphe- line de Courcy? pauvre enfante! gone to sell her littel drawing?
Madame B. Oui, monsieur; but she will be back tout de suite.
Morhleu. Bonne filie, bonne fllle ! She have de key, and can get through de door vithout our stay to open it; so I- shall go to my nigbt-cap' lor I am very much sleepy, and il est tard.
Nap. [ Without, l.] Past ten o'clock.
Morbleu. Ah! dere is Monsieur Nap, de vash-a-man ; he is come for to go to his box. Yaw'aw! veriez, madame. Courage! Louis le Desire, and de ancien regime, shall come back by and by, very often ; den ve tread de minuet de la .cour togeder again. La, la, lal de ral, de ral !
[Exeunt into the house, singing ' C'est Tamour,' and dancing the minuet de la cour.]
Enter Nap, the Watchman, l.
Nap. Past ten o'clock, and a moonlight night ! Well, I have gone my beat, and cried the hour; so now I'll go into my box, and have a comfortable snooze. Pas^ ten o'clock!
Exit into the box, r.
Enter Adolphine, hastily, r.
Adolphine. In spite of all^my endeavours, my pursuer haa traced me here. Wiiat will he think of the meanness of
MONSIEUR TONSON. 13^
this abode, and what persecutions may I not expect from his attentions ! Saint Louis preserve me ! 'Tis fortunate I have the key: they come! surely, they will not attempt to knock ; at all events, they will knock unanswered by me. [Exit into the house, unlocking and then r clocking the door- Enter Ardourly and Tom King, in pursuit, r.
King. Bravo, victoria! victoria, my boy' I told you Tom King would do the business for you ; we've housed her at last.
Ardourly. Yes, there's the mischief of it; what are we to do now ?
King. Why, unhouse her, to be sure.
Ardourly. But how ?
King. Knock at the door.
Ardourly. And run away?
King. A lover, and run away ! Never ! stand firm to the last; she may answer the door.
Ardourly. But suppose she shoHldn't, and any one else should ?
King. Then we have merely made a mistake, that's all.
Aj-dourly. I'm afraid we shall be mistaken.
King. Or, we can inquire for some one,
Ardourly. Who?
King. Oh ! Mr. Jenkins, or Mr. Tomkins, or any one we are sure is not there.
Ardourly. But we may be unlucky enough to pitch upon the very name of some person who is there.
King. To prevent that we'll inquire for your uncle, old
Thompson ; we are very sure he is not there ; so here goes,
[Knocks at Morbleu's door.
Ardourly. Stay, stay; what are you about ?
King. 'Tis done now. [Listens,] No answer! the jade suspects us. I'll knock again. [Knocks.] They are all
fone to bed. [Listens.] No ; I hear the striking a light ; '11 expedite them. [Knocks again and peeps through the key-hole.] Somebody coming; pat, pat, pat, pat! What strange animal have we here?
Ardourly. Animal ! it is, doubtless, the dear angel her- self.
14 MONSIEUR TONSON.
MoRBLEu opens the door, and appears in his night-cap, with a rushlight in his hand.
Confusion ! a man !
Morhleu. Deux g-cntilhonimes, and so late, too! I dare say some rich customer vant me to dress dem for de grand assembly to-night. [Aside.] A votre service, messieurs, vat is your plaisir vit me ?
King. I merely called, my dear friend, as I was pass- ing your house, to know if — but I've disturbed your rest, I fear ?
Morhleu. Oh, point de tout, not at all. I am too much proud of de honneur you confer par cette visite, ma foi.
King. You are very good; we merely called, knowing you are a man of information —
Morbleu. OhI sare, you do me grand favour. Je vous rend mille graces.
King. Don't mention it. We merely called to inquire if, among the persons who inhabit this street, one Mr. Thompson lodges here.
Morhleu. Diable ! dat all! and I leave my bed on pur- pose? Heigho! [Aside.] No, sare ; no Monsieur Tonson do live here.
King. Hum ! I'm sorry we troubled you, but I though I'd just inquire ; couldn't pass by your door without calling you know.
Morhleu. OhI sare, you are very great polite. Vish you vere at de diable ! [Aside.
King. Good night I take care you don't catch cold.
Morbltu. Bon soir, messieurs. I am much glad they are going to go. Au revoir ! Diable I dis dam puddel in de gut- ter, I put my foot on him. [Exit into house.
King. Mind your rush-light don't go out. Ha, ha, ha ! Was there ever seen so curious an animal ? Let us see what species he belongs to. Lend me your lanthorn, Charley, f Takes Nap's lanthorn and reads the inscription over Morhleu's door.] 'Monsieur Morbleu, Grand Perruquier en Militaire, Coiffeur en General,' Ha, ha, ha! — Very well. Monsieur Morbleu, Grand Perruguier ; it is au revoir with ns, indeed. We will speedily become belter acquainted. There, Charley, there's your lanthorn, and a tizzy for you, my boy. [Returns the lanthorn, and gives Nap sixpena.] Zounds! Ardourly, nil dcsperandum !
MONSIEUR. TONSONTi 15
Ar dourly. I must, you see she does not appear. What*s to be done now ?
King. Try ag-ain. Where is your rascal, Useful ?
Ardourly. At my hctel.
King. Then that's our point. I cannot, decently, shew rayseir agfain to-night to monsieur, therefore, we'll hasten to the Sabloniere. You write a passionate billet to Miss Morbleu, and let Useful bring it; he's a sharp dog, and with a little of my instruction, will soon afford us both satis- faction and amusement. Allons I Au reVoir, Monsieur Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha! [Exeunt, R,
Enter Nap, /rom Ms hox,
Nap. (r.) Rum blades, them 'ere ; out on a lark, I reckon. Well, it's no business of mine, so long as they don't come on ray beat. Half-past ten ;
[Calling the half hour.
Enter Thompson and Rusty, r.
Rusty. I tell you, I'm sure this is the place; but we'll ask the watchman. Pray, my friend, isn^t this the Seven Dials?
Nap. [Holding lanthorn to Husty's face.] Ay, master, to be sure it is.
Rusty. There, I told you so. Whereabouts does one Mounseer Morbleu live ?
Nap. What, the barber? I don't know: that is — I think — I can't tell.
Rusty. [To Thompson.] He thinks he can't tell!
Thompson. Give him a shilling.
[Rusty gives Nap a shilling.
Nup. [Looking at the shilling-] Oh 1 I know now, he lives right under your nose; hut he's gone to bed.
Thompson. We must knock him up; I cannot pause a moment lili my doubts are satisfied
Nap. Tliat's your busines^s. [Crosses to l.] Why the old Frenchuian has quite a coniiregution to-night; but I must g-o and call tlie half-hour. HiilKpast ten ! Exit, h.
Thompson. Knock, Rusty, knock. I cannot rest.
Rusty. No, nor you'll let nobody else rest. Hallo ! [Knocks at Morbleu^s door.] They're a long time comings
Thompson. Knock again, try once more.
16 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Rusty. It's no use: however, I suppose you won't be contented, so here goes. [Knocks again.
Thompson. Don't you hear the window open ?
Rusty. Yes, there's somebody getting up in the garret.
Morhleu. [Lool'ing out of the garret window.] Qui va la? Vat is dere, s'il vous plait ? Vy you knock at de door of my inaison, if you are so good ?
Tkompson. 'Tis he, 'tis he I Is your name Morbleu, my good friend ?
Morhleu. Oui, roon ami !
Thompson. Come down instantly.
Morhleu. Sacrebleu ! vil not de matin do, monsieur ? for I am in bed, je suis an lit.
Thompson. No; it is a matter of life and death.
Morhleu. Misericorde ! dey vant me to bleed somebody. Veil, to oblige you, monsieur, I shall get up —
Thompson. Get up ! Zounds ! my dear friend, we want you to come down.
Morbleu. And put on my culotte. Restez la pourun moment. Heigho ! I never can get not any rest at all.
[Exit from, windoiv.
Thompson. He's coming, he's coming ; and now, thank heaven, I shall have all my doubts silenced or confirmed.
Enter Moubleu from the House.
Morhleu. Yaw'aw ! excusez moi, monsieur, dat I have no candel, but I have burn my rushlight till him rush all away.
Thompson. Make no apologies, my good friend; the ur- gent business I come upon precludes all ceremony. You Jiave a lady under your care, bearing the name of Adol- phine de Courcy ?
Morbleu. Oui, monsieur, certainement ; but she never assist in de shop. She never shave any body.
Thompson. Psha ! You, doubtless, must have heard of an unfortunate man of the name of Thompson?
Morbleu. Diable ! Vat, Monsieur Tonson come again ? No, sare, I have heard of no Monsieur Tonson; 1 Icll you so before, sare ; no Monsieur Tonson do live hero. Vat yow mean by pull me out of my bed in dis way? By gar ! it dam bad manner and no gentiihorame I
MONSIEUR TONSOV. 17
Thompson. But hear mc my good friend : this Mr. Thompson —
Morbleu, All von cock and some bull ; and if you call mc up again, ma foi, I shall charge you vit the vash, for keeping de bad hour. Diable ! [Exit into the house, shutting the door in Jhowpson's face.]
Tnompson. But my good fellow ! — Monsieur I — Mon- sieur. — Ah ! I see how it is, these imperious De Courcys have hired this fellow to keep my wife (for it is undoubt- edly she) still in their power: but I'll have redress ; I'll go to Bow-street ; they've locked her up, and now —
Rusty. 'Tis high time I should lock you up.
Thotnpson. Nay, Rusty, nayl let us go in search of the
police. I'll enter the house by force, liberate my wife, and
make a terrible example of those who would detain her from
my arms. [Exeunt l.
Enter Useful, r.
Useful. So the coast is clear at last. I thought those two old twaddlers never would have gone. Let me see : my in- structions are, under pretence of mquiring for Mr Thomp- son, to endeavour to give this letter to Miss Morbleu. Here's the house ; now for it. [Knocks at Morhleu''s door.] No answer ? I'll knock again, Hallo ! get up, get up.
[Knocking again violently.
Morllev. [Appearing at the garret window ] Eh, mon Dieu ! is de maison on fire, that you knock so loud ?
Useful. No, but you are wanted ; you must come down directly; I am sent here in an official capacity, expressly to — but that is alien to the business.
Morbleu. Begar ! vat does he say about his official capa- city and de alien business ? I must have de blenseance, de courtesie to him. [Aside.] Tres bien, monsieur officer. I shall come down instainment. Howl am broke of my sleepi Heigho ! [Exit from icindow.
Useful. So far so good ; let me but once effi^ct an en- trance, I'll soon accomplish all the rest. Eh ! here old soup-meagre comes.
Enter Morbleu /rom the house, sneezing, as ifjrom having newly caught cold.
Morbleu. Now, Monsieur officeier, saie, I am at your 'Command, if you think so good, bonne grace.
18 MONSIEUR TONSOM.
Useful. T merely called, Mr. Morbleu, to enquire—
Morbleu. Yes, sare.
Useful. If there was one Mr. Thompson —
Morbleu. Vat, Monsieur Tonson again ?
Useful. Yes, one Mr. Thompson —
Morbleu. Diable ! vat yon mean, sare ? you dam scoundrel ! by come again ? Vat you mean by Monsieur Tonson, to break my sleep in dis manner. I told you two, one, seven time, dcre no Monsieur Tonson here. I know no Monsieur Tonson. Got dam !
Useful. Well, but my good friend, you needn't be in such a passion ; if you don't know where Mr. Thon)pson lives, J dare gay Miss Morbleu does, if you'll just have the good- ness to call her up ; or your servant will do — the house- keeper—or any body.
Morbleu. Parbleu ! dis vporse than all ! You not content vit pull me out of my bed dese tree time, vityour dam Mon- sieur Tonson ; but now you want to pull my vard, Made- moiselle Adolpbine, and my housekeeper, Madame Belle- garde out of bed too. Vat dey know about Monsieur Ton- eon ? You use me tres mauvais ; I never was use so under de ancien regime, ma foi; it affront my honneur ; I shall not put up vit it ; I will have de satisfaction — I shall give you to de vash — I shall make a charge of you. Monsieur Vash ! {Calls.) lie shall put you in his box. — Monsieur Vash! [Calling.
Useful. Eh ! calling the watch ? founds .' I may get in the wrong box here; I'd better be off. Bong swor, Moun^ Beer Soapsuds. [Exit, r.
Morbleu. Run away ? Begar ! I am sorry I did not run him troo. But he shall not get off so veil : Monsieur Vash ! Monsieur Vash, I say ! [Calling.
Enter Nap, l.
Nap. Eh ! who wants the watch ? here I am : why, hang^ me ! if it 'ent Mounsccr Powder-blue, the barber. NVhat's jn the wind now ? Consarn it ! I hope there hasn't been no rogue's breaking in and running away with the pomatun^ has there ?
Morbleu. Vorse dan dat, Mounsieur Vash. I no mind de pomatum run away dis hot veader ; but dat dam Monsieup Tonson, run away, too.
Nap. Eh I Mounseer Townsend ! who's he ?
MONSIEUR TONSON. 19
Morlhu. Oh ! by gar I me no know ; me no vant to know. He comes here seven, two, tree time, and_pull me out of my bed ; besides knock my door down ; and "now I v/ill have hiia knock down, von dam rascal ! you shall vash him ven he come again, and I shall give you him to keep for ever, and lock him in your house, Monsieur Vash : in your dam black hole, vere you live.
Nap. Why, now you speak of it, mounseer, I think I knows the rascal. Isn't this here Townsend a wery ill look- ing fellow ?
Morbleu. Oh! tres mauvais, tres mauvais, nasty fellow, great blaguard; me never saw no man me like to see vorse : he come here to inquire after his relation, ma foi : but me no be cozen in dat vay. I shall charge — by gar I I shall charge — charge him Vit you, Monsieur Vash.
Nap. You can't do better ; I'll take care of him, moun- seer.
Morhleu. Dat is right ; you need not be fear, I have been great general, and I shall help you ; yes, ven they come I shall —
Nap. Why here they are —
Morbleu. Get behind the door ; 70U can lay avait till dcy mention dere name, and den ve vill rush out togeder, break dere neck several times, stop dere mout very often, knock dem down, and lock dem up.
Nap. Good, very good, mounseer ; I'll do it. Away with you. [Exeunt Morbleu into the house, Nap into box.
Enter Tnox>iPSON, and Rusty, fallowed by TitAP and Wantem, l.
Thompson. Now, my good fellows, you know what you have to do ; this is the house.
Trap. Ay, ay, ve're fly, master. We will do the right thing, depend on't.
Thompson. Insist on seeing the lady.
Trap. Make your mind easy; we'll rummage her out.
Thompson. Knock at at the door at once and never fear but you'il be properly rewarded. Come, Rusty, let us look on. Stand aside, stand aside.
[Rusty and Thompson stand aside, r.
Trap. Now Master Wantem, you tattle the tell tale, and I'll open the business.
Wanicm. Ay, and I'll knock, [Knocl'S at Morbleu's door.
B*
20 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Enter Morbleu from house.
Morhleu. Veil, vat you vant ? Vat make you here at such late hour, if I am so bold ?
Trap. We've a small bit of business with you, mounseer.
Morbleu, {aside.) Oui, diable ! and I have de small bit of business vit you by-and-by.
Trap. We've come about Muster Thompson's affair.
Morbleu. I thought it was Monsieur Tonson ; oui, and now you shall go to de diable. Venez ici, Monsieur Vash, dis is Monsier Tonson; knock him down— lock him up very often.
Nap, {Rushing out from hox, and seizing Wantem and Trap.) So, I've got you at last, have I ? I'll teach you to come knocking at peoples doors at this time of night.
Trap. Zounds ! watchy, what are you at ? You're on a wrong scent ; we're from the public office.
Morhleu. But you shall no make von public office of my maison, ma foi.
Trap. We're sent by Townsend.
Nap. Ay, ay ; that's the name ; its all right.
Trap. We've come about a gemman's relation — but I'll tell you the whole pedigree on it.
Nap. We knows all about it, Muster Townsend ; you musn't come arter your relations here.
Trap. Zounds! a'nt you awake?
Morhleu. Oui; you take dam good care of dat, Monsieur Tonson : lock him up.
Nap. Ay, ay : to the watch-house with you.
Rusty, {aside to Thompson.) Lock him up 1 I'll spare them that trouble with you, master ; come along.
Tjmnpson. But, Rusty —
?r/. It's no use ; safe bind, safe find.
[Exit forcing off Tho^ipson, r.
Trap. But I tell you, you don't understand the business.
Morbleu. Nor me no vant Monsieur Tonson.
Nap, No, no. Muster Townsend.
[Springs his rattle, ivhich is answered outside, l. r.
Trap. Eh ! c. surprise I then here goes for a fair pair of heels, and the devil take tlie hindmost!
[Trap trips up Nap and Morbleu, r. and exit hastily with Wantem ; Nap and Morbleu get up and follow in pursuit, rattles springing.
MONSIEtJIt TO.VSON* 21
■SCENE 111.-^ Exterior of the Sahloniere Hotel, in Leices- ttr Square. Door injlat, l. Rattles heard without^ r.
Enter Useful, hastily, r.
Useful. By those rattles, it would seem, the watchmen, that cursed Frenchman sent after me, are close at my heels Its lucky I've reached my master's hotel, that I may get housed at once. {Rings the hell and knocks violently.) Here they come ! but they'll be dissappointed for once.
[Exit into hotel.
Enter Thompson and Rusty, hastily.
Thompson. Are we out of their reach, Rusty ? Yes; they've taken another direction, so we may stop and breathe a bit.
Rusty. It's all my fault; I shouldn't have let you slop out. I might have known no good could follow it. But come, let us get home to bed.
Thompson. 'Twill be of no use; I shall not be able fo sleep a v/ink. I must make another attempt. It is now near daybreak ; I'll throw myself on a sofa for an hour or two, and the first thing in the niorr ing we'll set off to this barber once more ; as he only saw us i.i the dark, he'll not know us again ; and under pretence of getting dressed and shaved by him, I can sound-tlie rascal, and, perhaps, pump the truth out of him.
Rusty. Pump the life out of him ! I would, if I had my wilL
Thompson. You must indulge me in this. Rusty, if you lock me up for a twelve month after it.
Rusty. Well, w^ll ; you always coax me over; I'm the most lender-hearted keeper in Christendom. Come along.
Thompson. Stay, who are these ? Stand aside.
[Thompson and Rusty stand aside. Enter Tom King, Ardouri,y, and Vskful, from the hotel.
King. Ha, ha, ha ! old Thompson little thinks how we are amusing ourselves at his expense.
Thompson What ? [Aside.
King. And so the Frenchman called for the watch did he?
Thompson. " My expense — old Thompson — the watch !" What does all this mean ? As I live, my graceless nephew ! Oh, oh ! I see it all. [Aside.
28 MONSIEUR TONSOX.
King, {turning round and seeing Thompson and Rusty) Halloo! what pair of antiquities are these ? From what curiosity-shop have they escaped ?
Thompson, (to Ardourly.) Oh ! you rascal.
Ardourly. My uncle ! coufusion ! I'm ruined ! how the devil shall I get off? [Aside.
Thompson. You villian ! but I'll — {Rattles heard with^ out, R.) Eh ! they're coming-, Rusty, [Exit with Rusty.
King. Ha, ha, ha I Why the old boy's off like a shot j he's getting into his second childhood , frightened at the sound of a rattle.
Ardourly. 'Tis a lucky escape for me, faith ! he would not have gone off so quickly, if he had known those watch- men were in pursuit of his hopeful nephew. [Aside.
King. We must carry on the war ; the old Frenchman shall have no rest till you have. We'll storm his castle again to-morrow night ; Thompson is the watchword, love the object. — Tom King the leader, and victory must fol- low.
[Ratilps heard nearer, r. Exeunt hastily, l. followed by Nap, who crosses in pursuit, springing rattles^ and crying. Stop 'em, stop 'cm, stop 'em I
END OF ACT I.
ACT ir.
SCENE I. — Interior of Monsieur Morhleu's shop. Door injlat, R.
Madame Belleqarde discovered, seated. Table, two chairs^ and candle.
Madame B. Monsieur no return vit Mademoiselle Adol- phine. How long de time does hang ! Heigho ! in ma patrie, de hour alvays pass quick as de little minute ; here it so dull and so cloudy, that pauvre Time can no see his vay; but creep, creep, creep, as slow as de old vash-a-man. {Knock withont, r. d. in Jlat.) O misericorde ! me hope dat is no Monsieur Tonson dat come last night, come again. I shall no open de door till I know. Qui va la ? vat is de knock dere ?
Morbku. {Without.) Ouvrez la porfc— C'est moi,.raa- dame.
aiONSIEUR TONSON. SS
Madame B. Mousieur himself. It all right — {Opens the ■door) — and mademoiselle, loo I quel bonheur !
Enter Morbleu and Adolphine, r. d. in flat.
Tres bien venu, mes amis.
Morhleu. (c,) Merci, madame — voila men enfant. We have reach home safe at last! You shall never go out by yourself to sell your drawing, unless you are alone, never no more, if you no like.
Adolphine, (r.) Indeed, sir, I have but too good cause for apprehension I the horrid attack made on me this morn- ing !—
Morbleu. Ah ! by dat ,dani Monsieur Tonson ! Diahle ! he one peste ; he not content vit come and call me up all night, but he return de first ting to-day to be dress and shave. Me hope he vill not come again to-night.
Madame B. (i.) Sans doute, it vas some pauvre maniac. You see his keeper took him avay par violence.
Morbleu. Keeper or no keeper, I vish he vould keep avay from me, mon Dieu ! But you are mistake, madame ; dis Monsieur Tonson is sent by de Convention to kill us, be- cause ve are friend to de grand monarque and de ancien regime !
Madame B. Misericorde ! Ve must be very much care- ful.
Morbleu I shall not open de door, never, nor go any vere in all de vorld, at all, vithout you, madame ! dat if dis Mon<. sieur Tonson should kill us, ve may be vitness for one an- oder to get him hang.
Adolpkine. How much longer my generous benefactor, am I to trespass on your bounty ? Is there nox;lue by which i can discover my parents?
Morbleu. None dat I know of, ma foi : V^en de revolu- tion broke out, de Marquis de Courcy, mon grand cunijSend for me to de Conciergerie, vcre he vas vait to be guillotine, commit you to my care as un pauvre orpheline dat belong a sa famille ; charge me to take you to England, and bring you up ; give me de trinket and de letter dat I give you, and finish de sad tale by having his head chop off de next day dat vas to come I
Adolpkine. Aud did he ;iio,t reyeal th.e name ef my jparents ?
24 MONSIEUR TONSOJJ.
Morbleu. No : he no tell me vat vas your pare, nor vat vas your mere. He tell me he call you Adolphine de Cour- cy, and prize you as de last of his maison.
Adolphine. Unhappy man ! Unhappy Adolphine !
Morbleu. It great misfortune certainment ; but pourquoi you g-rieve ? I protect you. You no vant fader nor moder vile I live, and though we no much rich, dis genereuse na- tion never suffer even her enemy to vant, but relieve de people in distress von day, dey kill very much in de batle de next. But come, it is now souper time, and ve vill goto bed; for I am von very great deal sleepy, and must dormir for to night and last night all togeder. Venez, ma chere Adolphine ; venez, madame ; ve vill go and get our souper.
[Exeunt.
SCENE II.— Exterior of MorUeu's shop. Enter Tom King and Ardourly, r.
King. The sly old fox thinks he's got the young chick all to himself; but he's mistaken, and so is madame Part- lett, the hen; we'll soon draw them out of their coop: yes, now to begin our holy work for the evening — " Thompson'' 8 Night Thoughts."
Ardourly. And do you think it will be of any avail?
King. I do; but if we fail again in attempting to effect an entrance, in their very teeth, we must resort to strat; - gem. I have a scheme already prepared, that must suc- ceed ; vive la bagatelle I
Ardourly. Thou art a strange genius. Thy godfathers mistook when they christened thee Tom King ; the/ should have named thee Joe King, for such thou ever art ; I trust all to thee.
King. You shall not be disappointed. Now, then for a coaxing, insinuating piece of street-door eloquence, that shall draw this old Frenchman through a deal board. I'm acquainted with every species of knock, from the single tap of the dun to the thundering lom, tom — tom, tom, torn — tom a rom-a-tom.tom I of the fashionable footman. Mark this: {Knocks at Morhleu's door.) — I hear somebody; they are waiting for us. Hush ! if I can trust my ears, mon- sieur and his rib are disputing which shall come first, wor- thy souls ! they're so anxious to receive us ; listen !
MOXSIEUR TONSON. 25
Morlleu. ( WitJiin.) Pardonnez moi, madame, de marchio- ness always rank before de general.
Madame B. {Within.) Non, de general alvays go first, de femme go vit de baggage.
Morblev. {Within.) Ve vil split de difference and go side by side ; you shall unlock de bolt while I unbolt de lock — Now, madame. [The door opens and
MoRBLEU and Madame Bellegarde appear.
King. Servitcur, madame. Your moust obedient, mon- sieur. Pray, can you inform me if one Mr. Thompson lodges here?
Morhleu. By gar, 'tis Monsieur Tonson come again! Rascal ! villain ! get from my sight ! get from my door ! I shall be hang for you at vonce, and kill you outright, if you no go, Oh ! dat I had my regiment here, to charge you vit dere bayonet !
King. It would be of no use, my good friend ; in the performance of my duty, an army wouldn't turn me. I have a sacred trust to execute in finding out Mr. Thomp- son, and all your threats will be of no avail. I am con- vinced be is in your house.
Morhleu. He is no in my house, I say. By gar, he is no in my house. Sur mon honneur, he is no in my house.
King. That we must ascertain in person. We must search your house,
Morhleu. Vat! doubt my honneur ? search mymaison?" I dat have been great general? Sacrebleu! I vill be re- venge. Dere is no Monsieur Tonson here. I laiow no Monsieur Tonson. My housekeeper, who vas great mar^ chioness, know dere is no Monsieur Tonson here.
Madame B. Non, non ; monsieur is right ; dere is na Monsieur Tonson here.
Kin^. We must fulfil our duty ; 'tis painful to us to^
Morhleu. You shall no search my maison.
King. But necessity —
Morhleu. Keep at von distance.
Madame B. You shall no come in.
King. We must not stand on ceremony, my good friend Eo I shall take the liberty to—
so* MONSIEUR TONSON'.
Moi'blsu. Sh-at the door in your face, ma foi.
[Exeunt Morbleu anrZ Mauame BEhVEG\RDE, sJiutiing' the' door in their fades, just as they are on the point of effecting an entrance.
King. Ha, ha, ha ! fairly shut out, by Jove ; the port-- oullis let down just as we crossed the bridge. Is Useful in waiting ?
Ardourly. He is at the Sabloniere.
King. Mow then for stratag-em. During the day I took the liberty of furnishing myselt with an impression of Mon- sieur's strejt-dcor key, in wax ; a skilful blacksmith has- made me one accordingly. I will now go and instruct Useful how to get the old Frenchman out, by some plausi- ble story, he once otit, we'll slip in, and while you improve the moments with miss, I'll make love to the old woman.
, Ardourly. This, indeed, promises something ; only let me have an opportunity of expressing my passion to the dear girl, of proving my disinterestedness, my sincerity, and I am happy.
King. Allons! my boy, it shall be done; we'll about it' instantly; au revoir, monsieur! [Exeunt, r»-
Enter Morbleij and Madame Bellegarde, creeping cau- tiously from the house.
Morbleu. Prenez garde, madame. Oh ! it is all right ;• dat dam Monsieur Tonson is go avay. By gar, he is von fantome; but ve vill lay him : you shall put von pail of wa- ter in de garret window, and ven he come again ve vill drown liim for von vitch.
Madame B. Qui, and den ve shall know vich von he is.- Morbleu. Tres bien, tres bien ; ve vill lay and vait for him togeder in de garret, madame, and he shall 6nd it ne-- ver rain, but it pour vater ; dis vay, madame.
[Exeunt ceremoniously into the house.:
Enter Thompson and Rusty, l,
Rusty. Well, well ; on condition that you stand on one side, and don't interfere, I have no objection to another' application being made to this old mounsecr, but it must be all left to me ; you shall see how I'll manage things. If I don't obtain something satisfactory, I'll give you leave-
MONSIEUR TONS ON'. 27
to lock me up all the rest of my days, only you keep- out of the way.
Thompson. I'll not meddle, though I should like to have
a hand in it, [Retires, l. s. e.
Rusty. You shall see how the Frenchman will shower his
information on me, directly I apply. Are you quite out of
the way ?
Thompson. Yes.
Rusty. Then I'll commence operations. ' {Knocks at Morbleu's door. Morbleu looks out of ike window. Morbleu. Vat is dere ? Vat you vant, sare ? Rusty. I'll open the affair at once. {Aside.) I come from Mr. Thompson, about Mrs. Thompson, or Miss Thompson, whichever it is you are keeping' so snugly here.
Morbleu. Vat, Madame Tonson come as veil as Monsieur Tonson ? and Mademoiselle Tonson, too ! Diable ! ve shall have Maitre Tonson and de whole famille of de Tonsons next. Me fear von pail of water vill not be half enough I I must get de New River cock turn on. [Aside.
Madame B. {At window, peeping over Morbleu'' s should- er.) You are von great story, sare. Monsieur here keep no mada.me Tonson, no mademoiselle Tonson : he keep no voman but me and Mademoiselle Adolphine.
Morbleu. Non ; madame is right ; I keep no voman but dem ; dere is no Tonson here, as I tell you before.
Rusty. Come, come, this won't do ; I am not to be sent off with such an answer as this.
Morbleu. Non? den, by gar, I must answer you in von oder way. Rusty. 1 knew I should get something more from him.
[Aside. Morbleu. But first, permettez-moi ask von question, sare. Avez-vous had your souper ?
Rusty. Supper ? No, to be sure I haven't.
Morbleu. Den I shall give you something by vay of von
vet, to stay your stomach till you have. Dere Monsieur
Tonson, take dat. [Throws water on Rusty.
[Exeunt Thompson and Rustv, hastily, calling out
'^murder^^ SfC. l.
Enter Morbleu, //-om the House.
Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha I dat dam Monsieur Tonson has got
28 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Von duck for his souper. Oui, oui ; he has had de vater,
and now he vill vish for de fire, so I shall give him von
varm reception de next time he goes to come. Vera is Monsieur VasH ? Monsieur Vash !
Enter Nap. r.
Nap. Here I am, mounseer ; but it's rtot my hour, yet.
Morbleu. Vere is your great big blunderbuss ?
Nap. At home.
Morbleu. You shall go and fetch it, load it vit powder* and littel poa, so dat it may not kill nobody, den go up and keep vash in my garret, and ven dis Monsieur Tonson come again, shoot him, and make him all over plum pud- ding ; dese Anglois like dat. Oui; you shall pepper him all over, for von seasoning; he has de duck, now he shall have de pea.
Nap. I'll take care he shall smell powder, mounseer; but I mustn't go off my beat in this coat ; I'll put it in my box till I come back.
Morbleu. Do; dere is de key of de street door; you can let yourself in, ven you come back, and take your post in de garret, venever you like.
Nap. That won't be long, my cellar isn't far off.
(Pulls off ?iis watchman'' s coat, puts it into his box and exit, L.
Morbleu. Dat settled, I can have some sleep vonce more; for I am very large sleepy. [Exit in house, l.
Enter Useful, k
Useful. "Wheedle the old Frenchman out!" hang him; he's just gone in; but I must obey my instructions. (Knocks) Now for a good round lie. (Knocks again.) Zounds ! the Frenchman won't come.
Morbleu. (Above.) It no do. Monsieur Tonson ; you have change your habit for no purpose at all. I shall not come dow n. You had better call again in von half hour as shall come.
Useful. My dear friend, you entirely mistake ; I come from no Mr. Tonson ; I don't know any such person ; I come for you ; you are wanted at court immediately.
Morbleu. Court ? By gar, den Louis dc Desire has sent
MONSIEUR, TOXSON. 29
for me to be shave. Oui, oui ; I will come down directly; anything to make my way to de court.
[Exit from the windoio.
Useful. He bites ; "Court" — Yes, he- shall go to St.
Martin's-court, and there I'll leave him. There never was
such a fellow as Useful; my master never had Useful's
fellow.
Enter Morbleu, from the house.
]\Jorhleu. Now, sare, I am here all ready — tout pret.
Useful. Ready to pi"ay, Monsieur? Nonsense; are you ready to walk ? because, if you are, allons I for we haven't a minute to lose.
Morbleu. Oh ! oui, certainment ; apres vous, monsieur.
Useful. D— n ceremony! This way, this way? {Exeunt,
Enter Tom King and Ardourlv, r. King. There they go ; the old fox is bagged. Now, then, to try if the locksmith's daughter is true to us. Here's a clear coast and a fair opportunity. {Opens the door.) Yes, it's all right, the door is open ; love invites you; the Rubicon lies before you ; you have only to cross it and be happy, you dog.
Ardourly. Ten thousand thanks ! but you — King. On second thoughts, I'll keep watch without here, to guard against surprise. In with you. Where can I conceal myself? Eh! zounds! this watch-box, is there anybody in it? What's here? A watch-coat, rattle, and lanthorn. Where's the owner ? Tempus fugil ! ay, and the chronicler of time hath flown too. As he has deserted his post, I'll make bold to take it {Dresses himself in Nap's coat S^'c.) Now, then, I'm as good a watchman as any Charley among them, — "Past ten o'clock and a star-light morning !"
{Exeunt Tom King into the vMtch-box, and Ardourly into the house; the former crying the hour gro- tesquely.
SCENE III.— ^n Apartment in the house 0/ Morbleu.
Enter Adolphine, r.
A-lolpJiine. Why am I unprotected thus ? Few, fond memorials of parents beloved, though unknown, what hope
30 MONSIEUR TONSON.
have I from thee ? Dear nameless image of a mother's beauty ! {Looking at a mininiure which she takes from her bosom.) Brief records of a father's level (Looking at let- ters.) the danger that forbade the hazard of a name before, for ever shuts out all disclosure now, and I must still live on, hopeless, joyless, kinless, friendless I
Ardourly appears stealing in l. door in flat.
Ardourly. Not so, svi^eet girl ; here, at thy feet, kneels one vi^ho would be friend, kin, all, to thee.
Adolphine. Ha ! rash youth ! what brings you here at this untimely hour ? How did you gain admittance ! Surely I have not been betrayed ?
Ardourly. Banish your fears : I cannot live without you. As a proof of my sincerity, I will this moment conduct you to the altar.
Adolphine. For heaven's sake, sir! I conjure you, leave me. Should you be discovered here, and at this hour, how would the world —
Ardourly. I must carry ber off by a coup de main. 'At lovers' perjuries.' (Aside.) You alarm yourself unneces- sarily. Your guardian sanctions, nay, has desired this visit; he has obtained tidings of your parents —
Adolphine. Ah! of my parents. Oh! where is he?
Ardourly. He has sent me liiiher, purposely to conduct you to him; tins key is witness of my veracity.
Adolphine. Fortunate, unlooked-for occurrence I I little thought the messenger that called my guardian out just HOW, v»^as one of so much joy. Let us not lose a moment.
Ardourly. She's mine, she's mine ! this note will pre- vent all unceeessary alarm. (Throws a note upon the ta. hie, unperceived by Adolphine.) This way, this way, my charmer ! [Exeunt door in flat, i..
Enter Madame Bellegarde, r.
Madame B. Vere mon infant Adolphine, that she no come for her souper ? Vat do I see ? It I can believe my eyes, I see her not here ; and vat mean this papier? (Reads) *'Ven next yoia behold your vard, she vill be de maitresse ofde house of Tonson." Mon Dieu ! de pauvre child is gone ; dat Monsieur Tonson has take her. Oh I miserU
MONSIEUR TONSON. 31
corde* vat a dark night is dis. — Vere Monsieur Morbleu? Pauvre enfant 1 pauvre enfant! Monsieur! Monsieur !
[Exit R. calling. SCENE lY. —Exterior of Morbleu's House. Tom King in Nap's Coat, SfC.from Watchhouse.
King. "Past ten o'clock, and a gas-light night!" All's quiet yet. {Peeps at the door.) Eh ! here he comes, and not without his errand. He has stormed the fort, and now soldier-like, is retreating with his baggage.
Enter Ardourly, /ro«i the House, bearing Adolphine.
Ardourly. {Aside to King.) I've succeeded ; she's mine. This way, sweet girl ! this way. [Exit, u.
King. Mum ! he's carried her off, safe enough. Some body coujing ; I'll into my box. [Exit into box.
Enter Nap, with a blunderbuss, l.
Nap. There ; Pve loaded it just enough to leave its mark behind; one niusn't go to kill nobody. Where's the key, that I may take my post in the gairct jjnd wait for this Mr. Townsend ; he shall nap the contents of this, diiectly he knocks at the door, as sure as my name is Charley. I shall have plenty of lime to cry the hour by-and-by.
[Unlocks the door and enters Morcleu's house.
King, {from the box.) Hum I it's lucky I staid. "Be- ware of spring-guns 1" Egad ! here's a customer for him. As I live, the old Frenchman ; snug's the word; I smell mischief.
Enter Morbj.eu, l.
Morbleu. Diable ! dat it should be all von hoax at last Dat dam Mounsieur Tnnson is down at the bottom of all. I am so vex, dat I could almost shoot myself for dc chagrin. I will get my bed. {Going to knock, draws back) Stay, vere is Monsieur Nap? he may mistake, and shoot me for dis Tonson.
King. Past twelve o'clock !
Morbleu. Oh, he is dere in his box ; it is all comme il faut. {knocks at the door.) Madame I Madame Bcllegarde !
Nap, {Above.) Ay, ay, Mastt r Townsend ; you black- guard, tak*? that ; I'm guard here. [Fires at Morbleu C*
32 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Morhleu. Oh ! by gar, I am murder ! I am kill ! Dat damn Monsieur Tonson !
Nap. Eh ! zounds ! what have I done ? I've shot Moun- seer Povvder-blue I here's a business.
Tom KiNG,/rom the box. King. Ila, ha, na ! It's high time for me to be off.
Pulls off Nap's coat, and exit laughing, r. [Exit MoRBLEU, hastihj l. Nap and Madame Bellrgarde at the windows of the House, holding up their hands in as- tonishment.
SCENE Y.—A Room in the Elephant and Castle, New- ington.
Enter Snap and Waiters, preparing the Room, R. The two waiters bring on a Table and two chairs, and exit, l.
Snap. Now, boys, bustle about, the coaches will be coming in soon ; all stop at the Elephant and Castle, you know. Get the room ready for passengers.
Fip, (without, L.) Waiter ! Waiter !
Snap. This way, sar ! this way ! this is the parlour.
Enter Fip, l.
Fip. Has there been a French lady here, inquiring for Mr. Fip, or Mr. Assignat ?
Snap. No, sar.
Fip. Then the Dover Coach has not come in yet ?
Snap, Not yet, sar. [Exit, L.
lip. I shall be in the way when it does.
Snap. Very well, sar.
Fip. Who the deuce is the French lady, my master, old Assignat has sent me to meet? Some nun, I think he says, coming from Calais ; to take refuge in the convent at Ham- mersmith, I suppose. I'm to give her this letter, and take her to our chambers in Paper-buildings ; de toutmon cocur. No lawyer's clerk in the kingdom is more au fait at any- thing of this kind than I am, or cuts a better figure, I flat- ter myself, on eighteen-shillings a-week, than I do. Well, I'll go and look at the paper till the coach comes in.
[Exit, R.
Enter Sjsap, showing in Morbleu, l.
Snap. This way, sar ; this is the parlour, sar ; plenty of coaches — Brighton, Dover, Hastings — anywhere you like to go to, sar.
MONSIEUR TONSON. 53
Morhleu. Begar, I like to go anyvere, vere I no meet vit dat dam Monsieur Tonson. Oh I my pauvre back I I am all pepper and fright.
Snap. As you've not made up your mind where you'd please to go, have you made up your mind what you'd please to take, sar ?
Morhleu. Eh ! bicn — ah ! j'ai tres grand faim. I shall take von pork schop.
Snap. Pork shop I don't think there's any to let about this neighbourhood, sar-
Morhleu. Nonsense ! you make de grand mistake.
Snap. A steak ? very well, sar.
Morhleu. Veil, a steak vill do very veil, sare ? and vaiter —
Snap. Steak and water — have 'em directly, sar ; one on the fire now. Cookey, dish up that steak, with a glass of water, for the foreign gentleman here. [Calling off^ r.
Enter Fip, r.
Fip. Well, waiter, coach come in yet, eh ?
Snap. No, sar.
Fip. Hum ! then I must amuse myself as well as I can till it does. Have you any books of any kind ? any of the poets ? We lawyer' clerks always patronize the poets; best judges in the world !
Snap. Our bar-maid has, I believe sar ; I'll get you one directly. [Exit R. Fip takes a chair and sits in centre.
Morhleu. Vat vi!l pauvre Madame Bellegarde do now I leave my shop ? though she grande Marchioness, she must go to the vorkhousc, ma foi ! and Mademoiselle Adolphine, pauvre enfant ? [Sits down at tahle.
Enter Snap with steak and water, r.
Snap. Your steak, sar. [ To Morbleu.
Morhleu. Tres bon garcon — I am very faint, so I shall take a
Snap. Glass of water, sar. [Putting it dovjn.
Morhleu. Veil, I may have vorse ting, so I shall make myself content vid dis.
Fip. Well, waiter, where's my book ?
Morbleu. Now for von nice piece. [Cutting the steak.
Snap. Beg your pardon, sar, here it is.
Ftp. Ha! what have we here? "The Seasons." My old favourite Thompson !
Morhleu. Vat ! (dropping his knife and fork.) Tonson
34 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Fip. Yes, Thompson ; don't you admire him.
Morbleu. Monsieur Tonson here ? Mon Dieul den he is every where ; at home and abroad, and every place in do world beside- I have leave my maison for him ; I have leave my shop, my boutique for him, and now he make me leave de country and my steak for him. Oh ! Monsieur Tonson I Monsieur Tonson ! [Goings r.
Fip. Stay, sir, here is some mistake.
Snap. Pray, sar ; you forgot the steak.
Voice icithout, (l.) Dover coach ! That way, ma'am, you'll find the gcmman there. — [Morbleu, in attempting to depart hastilij, runs against Mrs. Thompson, who is enter- ing at that moment jjreceded by a waiter, l.
Waiter. A room for Mrs. Thompson here, [Exit, r.
Morbleu. Diable ! Je vous demande mille pardons, ma- dame ; but dat dam Monsieur Tonson—
Mrs. T. A countryman, and pronouncing the name of Thompson! Can you give mo any information of Mr. Thompson, sir ?
Morbleu. Eh ! diable ! Again !
Fip. My dear sir, I regret the name of our immortal Thompson —
Morbleu. Immortal by gar I he is immortal, for dere never will be not any end to him ! he come at all seasons.
Fip. Yes ! his seasons are his noblest work. In spite of your dislike, sir, you must allow me to say, I think his death was a great loss to the country.
Morbleu. Dead I Vat is Monsieur Tonson dead ?
Mrs. T. If it is of Mr. Thompson you are speaking, sir ; I believe there is but too little doubt on that subject.
Fip. No doubt at all, ma'am ; I could convince you of it in a minute.
Morbleu. Den t v/ill go back to my shop again. Ha, ha,
ha ! I am so glad. Bon jour, madame, bon jour, monsieur
— Monsieur Tonson dead 1 Ila, ha ! lira la, lira la !
(Sings.) Monsieur Tonson is dead I Monsieur Tonson is
dead !
Monsieur Tonson is dead ! he is very dead indeed I
[Exit L, singing to the air of ^^Marlbrook.''*
Mrs. T. Very strange, that the death of my husband should excite such joy in a countryman.
Fip. You come from Calais, I presume.
Mrs. T. I do, Sir.
MnNSIKUR TONSON* 3S
Fip. This letter then, will explain every thing-.
Mrs. T. {Reading.) " Madame, agreeably to your in- structions from Paris, through Monsieur Dupin, I have caused advertisements to be inserted in the newspapers, offering a reioard for any information on the subject of your husband''s death, hitherto without effect. Respecting the young lady. Miss Adolphine de Courcy, whom you inquire about, I have discovered that she lives at the house of Mon- sieur Morbleu, a. peruquier, in the Seven Dials, whither my clerk will wait to conduct you, as also to the residence of your humble servant, Louis Assignat. — Paper Buildings^, Aug., 24., '96^' Let me not lose a moment in clasping the dear child in my arms.
Fip. I'll conduct you thither instantly, madam. This way, this way ; fine woman, 'pon my veracity. [Exeunt, l.
SCENE VL— Exterior of Morbleu's House.
Enter Morbleu, singing, " Monsieur Tonson is dead, &c.'*
Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha ! I vili open my shop again. {Opens the shutters.) Madame, Madame Bellegarde! [Knocks.
Enter Madame BELLEGARDE,/rom the House. Embrassez, embrassez, Madame, Monsieur Tonson is deadi
Madame. Oh ! mon Dieu ! est-il possible. Monsieur ? Morbleu. (c.) Oui! oui! Madame; it is all true enough. Monsieur Tonson is dead as de nail door, and vill never trouble us again. Ve shall live in great clover now, and sleep as quiet as the night long. So ve vill go in and have de littel drop of vite liqueur, dat dese Anglois call Geneva, and drink confusion to Monsieur Tonson. [Sings. " Monsieur Tonson is dead."
Madame B. If we had but Mademoiselle Adolphine here. Monsieur —
Morbleu. N'importe, n'importe; she shall not be lose ; de bellman shall run after her very hard to-morrow. Come, madame. [Exeunt into the House, singing and dancing. Enter Tom King, l.
King. Ha ! here's the scene of frequent mirth. My poor old Frenchman. I wonder if he's at home. Egad ! I'll knock and see. [Knocks.
Morbleu and Bellegarde appear at the door, singing.
Morbleu. Veil, sare ; you vant to be shave !
King. Mounseer himself, as I live ! Pray, sir ; does one M-r. Thompson live here?
36 MONSIEUR TONSON.
Morhleu. Got dam ! Here Monsieur Tonson come again, I am paralize;
Madame B. Oui, monsieur dead, and dis is his ghost !
Enter Ardourly and Adolphine.
Adolphine. My word is pledged; unravel the mystery of my^birth, and that moment my hand is yours.
Ardourly. I swear it! You are my cousin : these letters which you have shewn me, as the only relic of your father, are in the writing of my uncle ; the initials, too, corres- pond : P. T. — Peregrine Thompson.
Morhleu. Two Monsieur Tonsons ! I am tunder-struck.
Madame B. Dis is de Monsieur Tonson dat steal off mademoiselle !
King. Jack Ardourly !
Ardourly. Tom King ! Congratulate me.
Enter Rusly and Thompson, the latter with a newspaper.
Thompson. I don't care, Rusty, this is my wife's adver^ tisement, and I will answer it in person. Ha ! here is the Frenchman himself Now, Sir, Mr. Thompson is not dead. I am Mr. Thompson, and demand my wife.
Morhleu. Tree Monsieur Tonson ! Mon Dieu ! dereisno end of dcm. Your vife is no here, I tell you ; your vife is — ■
Enter Fip and Mrs. Thompson, R.
Fip. This way, madam; this is Monsieur Morhleu.
Mrs. T. Then, sir, you will resolve me at once. My name is Thompson,
Morhleu. Four Tonsons ! De vorld is at von end !
[Faints in Madame Bfxlegarde's ar7ns.
Mrs. T. I come to claim my child, my Adolphine.
Adolphine. Ah ! my mother ! [Emhraces her.
Thompson. Rusty, it must be, — it is my wife.
Mrs. T. My Husband, my child.
Rusty. Found his wife ! then he won't want me to lock him up.
Thompson. Ardourly — nephew, you have lost a fortune.
Ardourly. But I have gained a wife, sir, by this discovery, and I am happy.
King, (crosses to c.) I see your hearts are too full for method. Let us in, and mutually e.Tjplain these seeming
MONSIEUR TONSON. 37
iTiysleries. Mr. Thompson has found a wife and daughter; they have found a husband and a father ; Ardourly 1ms found a bride ; Monsieur Morbleu has foimd out his perse- cutors ; but will, I trust, with the kind permission of our friends, have ample cause to bid our Monsieur Tonson wel- come, and gently whisper — come again.
DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN.
Tom King, Mrs.T. Thompson-.
Fip. Adolphine. Jack A. Mor. Bel. Rusty,
fi.
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