CD

*

THE HUTH LIBRARY. THE NON-DRAMATIC WORKS

OF

I THOMAS DEKKER.

VOL. III.

DEKKER HIS DREAME.

THE BELMAN OF LONDON.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

1608—1620.

-H-

Night. Would he had another purse to cut, Zekiel. Edg. Purse ! a man might cut out his kidneys, I think, and he never feel 'em, he is so earnest at the sport.

Night. His soul is half-way out on's body at the game.

Edg. Away, Nightingale ; that vray.—JSarttolomew Fair, iv. 1.

B

ild he ted Mother ptwe to cut, 7

Edg. rune I a man mightlut out bis kidneys, I think, .->.«. feel 'em, he is so carewt at the sport.

Mgki. His wol is half- * ay out on's body at the game. Away, Nigbtmgmle j that wj.—Barttelemcw /

ft

•ItJtl

ELIZABETHAN- JACOBEAN

IB (Q) (Q) K S

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VERSE AND PROSE

r-W-. "»yr«AA,.)

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BY THE

FOR PRIVATE CIRCULATION ONLY

Cbe I})ut& Libratp.

THE NON-DRAMATIC WORKS

OF

THOMAS DEKKER.

IN FIVE VOLUMES.

FOR THE FIRST TIME COLLECTED AND EDITED, WITH MEMORIAL-INTRODUCTION, NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS, ETC.

BY THE REV.

ALEXANDER B. GROSART,D.D., LL.D. (EniN.), F.S.A. (SCOT.) St. George's, Blackburn^ Lancashire.

VOL. III.

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 1620.

THE BELMAN OF LONDON. 1608.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 1609.

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 1613.

PRINTED FOR PRIVATE CIRCULATION ONLY

1885. 50 Copies.}

R

Printed t>y ffazell, Watson, &* Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbnry.

CONTENTS.

PAGE

DEKKER HIS DREAME i

THE BELMAN OF LONDON . . . . . .61

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT ; OR, THE BEL- MAN'S

SECOND NIGHTS- WALKE . . \r . . .171 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE . . 305

Reader, here is fuch a Book

Will make you leap before you look,

And fhift, without being thought a Rook.

The Author's airy, light, and thin, Whom no man law e'r break a Ihin, Or ever yet leap out of s fldn.

When e'r he ftrain'd at Horfe or Bell, Tom Charles himfelf who came to fmell His faults, (till fwore 'twas clean and well.

WILLIAM CARTWRIGHT.

IX.

DEKKER HIS DREAME,

l62O.

U. III.

NOTE.

For ' Dekker his Dreame ' I am again indebted to the British Museum. The last page of this exemplar is executed in marvellous fac-simile by Harris. In 1860 Mr. James O. Halliwell (now Dr. Halliwell-Phillipps) reprinted this tractate in some 25 copies or thereby. His Copyist did his work most perfunctorily ; his errors of omission and commission making the beautiful little book just so much waste-paper. The fol lowing are some of the more flagrant blunders — Page 8, line 28, ' feelings ' for ' feelings.'

» I3> ii *5» onward — the whole of the margin-notes are

omitted — without notice. „ 1 8, „ 28, ' sphsete ' for ' Sphaere.1 „ 20, „ 10, 'greping' for 'griping.' „ 21, „ 28, * Trumph'd for ' Triumph 'd.' „ 22, „ 17, "Honor and Greatnefle wore Immortall cloathing "

— dropped out.

i> 23» •> 3, 'bufferings ' for 'bufferings.' » 3°> >i 7, ' broken starues ' for ' broken statues.' „ 33, », 26, 'the 'for 'he.' ii 34» ii 26, ' thereby ' dropped, n 35, » 1 1 1 ' tembling ' for ' trembling. ' >, 35, » 1 8, 'daly'for 'dayly.' •i 35. »i 19, 'nor 'for 'or.' „ 36, „ 21, 'were' for 'where.' ,« 38» i> I5> 'for' for 'fet.' „ 38, „ 19, 'hillish' for 'hellish.' „ 42, „ 10, 'though 'for 'through.' » 43, » 19, 'ruffian' for 'Ruffian.' ii 43, ii 25, ' he ' for ' be.' „ 45, » 9, ' At ' for « A.' „ 45, „ 28, 'digestion' for 'disgestion.' „ 50, „ 12, 'sale' for 'sayle.' » 5'» D 7, ' than ' for ' then. ' ii 5J» „ 24, 'tylts'for 'lylts.' „ 52, „ 4, ' perwid ' for ' periurd.' ,. 52, » 17, 'head 'for 'bread.' „ 52, „ 24, ' Tob ' for ' lob.' „ 54, » 3i 'nimicum' for ' nimium.' » 56» ii 8, " I neuer flept in a Rich lordly Roome " — dropped

out.

ii 56» ;> 9) ' I ' before ' neuer ' superfluously. ,i 57, i, 3, 'Like 'for 'Little.' » 58, M 12, 'a' before 'Methuslem's ' superfluously. All these in a slender pamphlet, and over-and-above scarcely numerable departures from orthography, capitals, italics, etc., etc.

NOTE. 3

Title-page— The woodcut of 'Dekker' in bed asleep in no way is faithful to the original. The features especially are grotesquely false. The dreaming poet's nose is in the original narrow and sensitive, in Mr. Halliwell-Phillipps' thick and gross ; the cheeks thin and worn, in the reproduction fat and bloated, and so through out. Our admirable fac-simile (in 4°) will therefore be doubly acceptable. The late Rev. Thomas Corser, in his 'Collectanea Anglo- Poetica ' (j. ».), has re-used Mr. Halliwell-Phillipps' wood block, and by the kindness of the Chetham Society I am enabled to give an impression from this as used by both (page 5), to prove how utterly unfaithful it is to the original. See Memorial-Intro duction on the probable likeness of the Author herein.

The original tractate consists of 22 leaves (B. Museum 39, c. 6).

A. E.G.

Dekker his Dreame

In which, beeing rapt with a Poeticall

Enthnfiafmti the great Volumes of Heauen

and Hell to Him were opened, in which he

read many Wonder/nil Things.

Eft Dens in nobis, agitante caltfciinus Jllo.

BDPBOngnBBBBiiBOOOHB B

LONDON

Printed by NICHOLAS OKES. 1620.

To THE TRVELY-ACCOMPLISHED GENTLEMAN,

and worthy Deferuer of all Mens Loues, Mafter ENDYMION PORTER.

SIR:

i

}F you ajke why, from the heapes of Men, I picke out you onely to bee that Murus ahaeneus, which muft defend meet let me tell you (what you know already) that Books are like the Hungarians in Paules, who haue a Priuiledge to holde out their Turkirti Hiflory for any one to reade. They beg nothing, the Tex ted Pafl-bord talkes all; and if nothing be giueny nothing is fpoken, but God knowes what they thinke. If you are angry ^ that I thrufl into your hands a Subiefl of this Nature ; O good Sir, take me thus far into your pardon ; that it was impoj/ible for me to beget a Better : For the Bed on which Jeuen years I lay Dreaming^ was filled with thornes inftead of fethersy my pillow a rugged flint, my Chamber- fellowes (Jorrowes that day and night kept me company) the very, or worje than the very Infernall Furies. Befides^ I herein / imitate the moft Courtly

8 k THE EPISTLE DEDICA TORIE.

Reuellings ; for if Lords be in the Grand Mafque, in the Antimafque are Players : So in thefe of mine, though the Diuell bee in the one, God is in the other ; nay in Both. What I Jend you, may •perhaps feeme bitter, yet it is wholejome ; your beft Phyficke is not a lulep ; fweete fawces leaue rotten bodies. There is a Hell named in our Creede, and a Heauen, and the Hell comes before : If we looke not into the fir ft, we fliall neuer Hue in the laft. Our tojfing vp and down (here) is the Sea, but the land of Angels is our Shoare. Sayle fo long as we can be are vp, through Honors, Riches, Pleasures, and all thefenfuall Billowes of the World ; yet there is one Harbour to put in at, andjafely to arriue (There) is all the Hardne/e, all the Happine/e. Bookes are Pilots in Juch voyages: would mine were but one point of the Compa/e, for any man to fteere well by. I doe not thinke, but euen thofe Courtiers, who are moft taken with the glittering of Pallaces, doe from thofe glorious Enter-viewes, mafques, tilt-triumphs, & Juch like, (with which their eyes are fo often banqueted), reade fometimes excelled lettures to their foules, by a comparatiue laying thofe tranfitory Ones, and thofe immortall beauties of heauen together. The very Roofes of kings Courts, do almoft draw vs vp to jfuch a contemplation : For when the Paue- ments offuch Places are at the beft but Marble, yet the vpper feelings are like Firmaments of Starr es:

THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE. 9

'There you fee the golden Embofmcnts and curious Enchafings : 'The true brauery is aboue.

An excellent Dinner was that in France, when the King and Queen fate at Fable, and with them, Thomas Aquinas and Bonauentura ( the two great Schookmen) : whilft the others were feeding, one of thefe cafl an earneft and fixed eye vfon the beauty of the £>ueene : at which the King wondring, ajked, why hee did Jo ? O (quoth he), if the great Worke-maifler, out of a peece of clay, can mould and fajhion Jo admirable a creature as your Queen is ; I am rapt into an aflonijhable amazemet to thinke, how glorious thofe Bodyes are, who are Courtiers attending vpon his Maiejlicall Throne. If I hold the Pen longer in my hand, I fliall fall ajleepe againe: But howfoeuer I wake, or haue mine eyes clofed,

1 reft,

Euer ready to do you feruice,

Dekker.

TO THE READER.

i •

JVT of a long Slcepe, which for almoft feuen yeares together, seized al my fences, drowning them in a deepe Lethe of forgetfulneffe, and burying mee to the World, in the loweft graue of Obliuion / : Meeting in that drouzy voyage with nothing but frightfull Apparitions, by reafon (as now I gueffe) of the place in which I lay, being a Caue ftrongly fliut vp by moft Diuellifh and dreadfull Enchantments ; I did at laft fall into a Dreame, which prefented to my waking Soule infinite Pleafures, commix'd with In-vtterable Horrors. More did I behold thus Sleeping, then euer I could before, when my eies were wide open. I climbed to the tops of all the trees in Paradife, and eate fweeter Apples then Adam euer tailed. I went into the Star-Chamber of Heauen, where Kings and Princes were fet to the Barre, and when the Court arofe, I fed vpon manna, at a table with Angels. lerufalem v/as the Pallace I liued in, and Mount Sion the hil, from whofe top, I was dazled

I2 TO THE READER.

with glories brighter then / Sun-beames. This was my Banquet: The Courfe-meate was able to kill mee. For I was throwne (after all this HappinefTe) into a fea Infernall, and forced to fwim through Torrents of vnquenchable fire. All the layles of Hell were fet open. And albeit the Arraignements were horrid, yet the Executions were ten-times more terrible. loyes tooke me by ^^ the hand in the firft dance, but feares and forrowes whipt me forward in the fecond. I muft not now tell, what I faw, neither can I now fee fo much as I haue told. What Muficke led both thefe meafures, do but open my fong-Booke, and the Leflbns are there fet downe.

If the Notes pleafe thee, my paines are well beftowed. If to thine eare they found vntuneable, much are they not to be blamed, in regard they are the Aires of a Sleeping Man.

Farewell. /

I DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Which beeing truely Interpreted, is >' able to comfort the good, and ter- rifie the Bad.

HEN downe, the Sun his golden

Beames had layd, And at his wefterne Inne his

iourney ftayd, Thus Sleepe the eyes of man

and beaft did feize,

Whileft Hee gaue light to the Antipodes : I flep'd with others, but my Sences ftream'd In frightfull formes, for a Strange Dreame I Dream'd.

Signes before the laft Day.

Peace fled to Heauen (me thought),

And as fhe went, Her Roabe fell from her, which Warre

finding Rent

Warre.

As before Christs coming first there was

i4 DEKKER HIS DREAME,

an vniversaii Into a thoufand Ragges, dying them in

Peace ; so be- r* \\

fore his last Lrall,

Mix'd with Mans bloud, and charged

the World to call ho"ertaggainsntg Thofe / fpoyles his Enfignes : then (all-

Arm'd) beftriding

A Canon, and with Thundring voyce diuiding Nations Colleagu'd ; down fell the Golden Chaine Of Sweete Commerce, linck'd both by Loue &

Gaine :

Order ran mad, Diforder fild his Roome, When beating at Hell gates the Fatall Dromme, Out-yfTued Vengeance, Horror, Inceft, Rape,

Famine. Famine and Death, in the moft vgly fhape That Hell could fend them out in. At thefe

Sights, Seas threatened Shores, The Earth (in ftrange

affrights)

Shooke at the Center : then (me thought) one drew From his Full Quiuer, poyfned mafts, which flew

Pestilence. With burning feathers of Hot Peftilence, Filling the wide-worlds vaft Circumference With blaines, and blifters, whileft each Kingdome

raues,

To fee the whole Earth but one field of Graues. Treason. Anon (me thought), Treafon, and

Murther cry*de Kill, kill ; wilde Vproares Gates flew open wide ;

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 15

The Father ftabd the Sonne, the Sonne the

Brother,

Man was not Man, till he deftroyd Another ; Each man was both the Lyon and the Prey, And euery Corne-field an Aceldema : A Citty on a Citties ruines ftood, And Townes (late peopled), now were Lakes of

Bloud.

As boyftrous billowes, boyftrous waues confound, So Nations, are in Nation's glories drownd. The Turkifh Halfe-moone on her filuer siauery.

Homes,

Tofles the Chriftian Diadem, and adorn es The Sphaere of Ottoman with Starry light, Stolne euen from Thofe, vnder the Crofle who

fight : Ciuill vproares.

The / Sacred Empire did it Selfe o're whelme ; State on ftate trampled ; realm did beat down

realme : Religion (all this while) a Garment Reiigi0nmade

a Strumpet.

Stayn'd like a Painters Apron, and turn'd Whore. To feuerall Countries, till from deepe Abyfme Vp her Two Baftards came (Error and Schifme), She in That motley Cloake, with her Two

Twinnes, Trauell'd from land to land, fowing Ranck

Sinnes,

1 6 DEKKER HIS D RE A ME.

Which choak'd the Good Corne, and from them

did rife

Opinions, factions, black leau'd Herefies ; Pride, Superftition, Rancor, Hate, Difdaine, So that (me thought) on earth no good did Reigne.

All this afore named (and more terrible pre dictions then the weake Pen of a filly man can fet down), are liuely written in God's Eternall Calendar : where his Prophet Ezechiel thus thundereth forth the Terrors foregoing the later Day [Ezech. 39].

The fifh of the Seas, Birds of the aire, Beafts of the field, and al that creepeth on the ground, together with all humane generations which liue vpon the face of the earth, (hall be in an vproare. Hils mall bee ouerturned, Hedges broken downe, euery ftrong wall fall to the ground. I will call againft them the fword from the tops of all Mountaines, and euery man's fword mall bee bent againft his owne brother ; my Judgement (hall bee in peftilence and bloud, &c. And I will raine fire and brimftone.

Marke, how an Euangelift feconds a Prophet,

with this new battry vppon the world. When (faith

Luk. 21. hee), you mall heare the fame or bruite of

warres and vproares, be not afraid, for that thefe

things muft bee. And yet prefently the end of

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 17

the world fhall not enfue. One Nation fhall rife againft another, and one Kingdome fhall inuade another ; there fhall be great earth-quakes, pefti- lence, and famine, moft terrible Signes and tokens from Heauen.

The latter day.

Thefe tranfitory, poore Terreftriall terrors, Seru'd but as Heralds to found forth the Horrors Of woes Eternall ; this, was but a Sceane To the Great following Tragedy. So that then (Me thought) one fitting on a Raine-bow, founded A trumpet, which in earth-quakes Earth con founded.

And then a voyce, fhrill (but Angelicall), Full of Command and Dreade, from heauen did

call,

To Summon the whole world to ftand to th' Barre. Both All that euer haue beene, and now are, To giue a ftricl: account how they had fpent That Tallent of their life, which was but lent.

We muft All be Summoned before the Tribunall Seate of Chrift, and euery man receiue either Good or Euill, according as he hath behaued himfelfe whilft he liued vpon earth. Chrift taketh Account of all his Tallents. Luke 12, 16, 19, 10. Matt 26.

D. III. 2

i8 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Terrors / of the later day. The Leaues of Heauen (me thought) the rent in

Clouds shruck

vp like parch- -,.,....... «. .

ment. Out of which, Lightning brake, and

Horrid Thunder, Which pam'd (in peeces) Kingdomes: whizzing

flakes

Of Brimftonerain'd, that Seas feem'd Burning Lakes: Rocks crumbled into powder; Scalded Mountaines In their drie lawes, dranck riuers vp and fountaines : Fury, with Snaky locks and Smeared hands, (Toffing about her eares two firy brands) Met Wrath, and Indignation, rauing-mad, Tearing each others flem, and wildly clad In Skins of fpotted Tygers : vp and downe They ran, and fpied (at laft) Confufion : With whom fwearing a League, black ftormes

they Hurl'd,

With whirlewind violence to crufti the world, And bury her in 's quick Ruines ; All the Floore Celeftiall, crack'd and fell downe in a fhower Of Bloud, whilft the Terreftiall Pauement burn'd, stan-es. In which the Starres to fpent-out Snuffes

were turnd ; sunne. The Sun leap'd from his Chariot, and in

feare

Moone. Of Firing, headlong ran to th' Moones cold Sphaere,

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 19

But me (for all her Flouds, Ice, Frofts and Snow) Did like a lumpe of fteele i' th' Furnace glow. The Sun and Moone were neither Sun nor Moone, Their Shining could be cald, nor Night nor Noone : This Mafly, Vniuerfall, Earthly Ball, The world Was All one Bonfire, and it burnt out onfire'

All.

In an eies Twinkling, more by Fire was loft Than Twenty Earthes ; and all their wealth e're

coft.

Chrift / his coming in glory.

As in an Army Royall (led by a King), A simile. After the Canons Sulphurous thundering, Battring downe Bulwarkes, Rampires, Parapets, Forts, Gabions, Palizadoes, Cazimates, Horror on all fides Roaring, Wings here flying At Wings (like armed Eagles) ; here Troopes dying, A butcherous Execution through the field, Bellowing with Fiend-like threats, when yet none

yeeld, Though Death ftalkes vp and downe, ghaftly and

pale,

The Viftors Wreath lying in a doubtfull Scale ; The King himfelfe, fafe guarded on a Hill, Seeing this black day, yet ftirring not vntill He findes fit time to Strike : then downe, amayne, Whorrying he comes ; a glorious dreadfull Trayne

20 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Of High-Heroick Spirits, circling him round, Who with fwift Vengeance do their Foes con found,

And flaue-like drag them at prowd Chariot wheeles, Whilft miferies (worfe then Death) tread on their heeles :

So (but with greater Terror, State, and

The terrour Wonder)

comming. Heauens Supreme Monarch (one hand

griping thunder, The other ftormes of Haile, Whirle-winds and

fire, Venietspien- (Enfigns of his hot-burning quenchlefle

dore Rutilans v ?

pulchritudine ire) \

justis ama- ' When the Worlds buildings, fmothered

bilis, Impijs . f

lay in imoake,

(With Iparkling eyes), Maieftically broke Esay 28. Out of his Pallace, ne're fet ope' before,

And ftood like a Triumphant Conqueror, o Death \ Trampling / on Death and Hell : About

where is thy * & '

sting ?&c. him, round

(Like petty Viz-royes), Spirits (me thought) all-

Crownde, HOW Christ Shewd, as if none but Kings, had bin his

comes guarded _,

and attended. Guard ;

Whole Hierarchies of Saints were then preferd, With Principalities, Powers, and Dominations ; Thrones, Angels, and Archangels, (all att' once)

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 21

Filling the Prefence : Then like heauen-borne

Twinnes,

Flew fiery Cherubins, and Seraphins ; Whilft the old Patriarches, cloath'd all patriarches

in white, Mat- I3'

Were rap'd with loy, to fee beames far more

bright, About the Prophets and th' Apoftles Prophets.

runne

Than thofe whofe Flames were kindled at the Sun. Martyrs (me thought), with felfe-fame Martyrs.

luftre fhinde,

As Gold, which feuen times was by fire refinde : Virgins, whofe Soules in life from Luft Vh

liu'd cleare, Psa

Had Siluer robes, and on their heads did weare Coronets of Diamonds. Were my Fingers flint, My Pen of pointed Adamant, t' imprint Characters in tough Iron, or hammered jn imitation

i „ /r of that in

bralle, Virgin.

Mine inke, a depthlefle Sea ; All thefe

(alas I)

Would be worne out, ere I one lyne fhould draw, Of thofe Full Glories, which (I dreamd) I faw : Nor could I write this (though it be but meane), Did not fome Angell guide my Fainting Pen. Gods Heire Apparent (here once made away) Triumph'd in this his Coronation day,

pns. . 20.

22

DEKKER HIS DREAME.

In which Heauen was his Kingdome, Mercy his

Throne,

luftice his Scepter, a Communion Of Sanclified foules, the Courtly peeres, And his Star Chamber Lords; who now had

yeeres Which / neuer turn'd them Gray, by Times rough

wether,

Greatnefle was now, no more cald For-

The Saints in tUttCS fether,

an pTrfeSion. Nor Honor held a fruitlefle golden

Dreame,

Nor Riches a bewitching fwallowing ftreame, Nor Learning laugh'd at as the Beggars Dower, Nor beauties painted cheeke a Summers Flower. No, no, life endlefle was, yet without loathing, Honor and Greatnefle wore Immortall cloathing ; Riches were Subiect to no bafe Confuming, Learning burnt bright, without Contentious fuming, Beauty no painting bought, but ftill renew'd, Each one had (heere) his full Beatitude. O my weake eyes ! how did your Balls (me

thought)

Burne out their lelly, when they had but caught One little-little glimpfe of thofe Diuine And in-acceflible Beames, which did out-mine Hot-glowing coales of Fire ? no mortall Sight Can (land a Maiefty fo infinite.

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 23

That Face whofe Picture might haue AS Christ was

in euery part

ranfom'd Kings, of his body

° J crucified by

Yet put vp Spettmgs, Baftuhngs, Buffet-

glorified in al perfection, to

Efa. CO. lerem. 7. Math. 20. the Terror J * both of /ewe

Marke 14 Luk. 22. and Gentile.

That Head, which could a Crowne of Starres haue

worne, Yet fpightfully was wrench'd with wreathes of

Thorne.

Math. 27. Mark 15. lohn 19. Thofe Hands and Feete, where Pureft (lamps were

fet;

Yet Naild-vp like to Pieces Counterfet.

Psal. 77. Thofe / Lippes, which though they had Command

o're All, Being thirfty, Vinegar had to drinke, and Gall.

Luk. 23. That Body, fcourg'd and torne with many a

wound, That his deere Bloud (like Balme) might leaue vs

Sound.

Luk. 23. Pfal. 129. Zach. 13. The Well of Life, which with a Speare being

tride, Two Streames (Myfterious) gufh'd out from the

Side. lohn 19.

24 DEKKER HIS DREAMS.

MefTias, great lehouah, God on hie,

Yet Haild, King of the lewes, in Mockery.

Math. 27. Mark 15. Luk. 23. The Manger-Cradled Babe, the Begger borne. The pooreft Worme on earth, the Heighth of

Scorne. Math. 2. Pfal. 22.

That Lord, by his Owne Subie&s Crucified, Lo, at this Grand Aflize comes Glorified, With troopes of Angels, who his Officers are, To call by found of Trumpe his Foes to a Bar. Thus flood he Arm'd ; luftice his Breaft-plate was, Judgement his Helmet, ftronger farre than Brafle : On his Right Arme, Truths Shield he did aduance, wisd. 5. And turnde his Sharpned Wrath into a

Lance : Out of his Mouth a Two-edg'd Sword did flie,

Apoc. i. To Wound, Body and Soule, eternally ; Arm'd / (Cap-a-pe) thus, who 'gainft him durft

fight? There was no ground for Strength, nor yet for

Flight.

At this (me thought) All Graues that euer held Dead Coarfes, yawn'd wide-open, and compell'd The bones of Dead-men vp with Flefh to rife ; Yea, thofe on whom the Seas did tyrannize, And droun'd in wrackes, and which were peece-

meale eaten, With liuely bodies to the fhoares were beaten :

DEKKER HIS DREAMS. 25

Whom Sword, or Fire, libbets, or Wheeles had

torne, Had their own limbes againe, and new were

borne ;

From the firft Man God made, to th' laft that died, The Names of All, were here Exampli- The Generan

fied ; Emp'rours and Kings, Patriarches, and Tribes

forgotten, The Conquerors of the world (moldred and

rotten) ;

Lords, beggers, Men and Women, young and old, Vp (at a Bar fet forth) their Hands did hold. The ludge being fet, in open Court were layd Huge Bookes : at fight of which, All ^^ bookes

were difmaid, of £p°ennsetnce

Would faine haue mrunck back, and

cernet ante

fell downe with feare : faciem suam

rr o • exposita opera

In meetes of Brafie, all Stories written sua,sinebona

ma, sine mala,

were &c. item

Formidabiles

(Which thofe Great volumes held) libri aperien-

' tur, in quibus

Character'd deepe scripta sum

With Pens of Steele, Eternal Files to TABUS' eT'

Verba; et

quaecunque egiraus in hac Vita : fllic non

solum Actus, verum et cogitationes, et intentiones Cordis, scriptae erunt. Ephra in lib.— De Vera Poenitentiae— Cap. 4. Quid nobis miseris fiet, cum omnia (orbi Vniuerso) palam facta, in tarn aperto, tamque illus tri theatro denudata. Hominum nobis partim cognitorum, partim incognitorum oculis subijcicntur ? &c. D. Chrysostom : Homil. 5. Ad Roman.

26 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Of euery Nation, fince the Earth began,

And euery Deede, Word, thought of euery Man :

Sins hatch'd in Caues, or fuch whofe Bawd was

Night,

The Minutes of the Act were here fet right. Great men, whofe fecret Damn'd fins vizards wore So clofe, that none vpon their Browes could fcore The leaft Black line (becaufe none durft) had here A Bill of Items in particular, What / their Soules owed for Sin, to Death and Or, if it happened that they er'e did well, [Hell ; In thefe True lournals, it as large was found, And with rich promife of Reward was Crown'd.

The Bookes were opened, &c. Apoc. 20.

Which done (me thought), the Seflions thus began, Confcience the Cryer, cald forth euery Man Coscience To make appearance ; and (though to

the Cryer of _ , v

the court. my fight

The Numbers that were there were infinite) In an Eies-twinkling, yet they parted were,

Triticuma The Good from Bad, the Spotted from zizanijs, bono t^ Cleare •

pisces a mails L11C ^"-drc ,

bit- The Wolues and Goates to th' left Hand howling went,

The Lambs, and Harmelefle Sheep to th' Right were fent :

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 27

After this Separation, vp did rife

Heauen's Lord Chiefe-Iuftice, and this Sentence

flies

Out of his Dreadfull Breaft : O you (quoth he), That haue my Lambs bin, and did The ^^

r_ii_. Chiefe-Iustice

lollOW me, his sentence on

As your true Shepheard, and did know <hePrisoners

my Voyce,

As I in you, you mail in Mee reioyce : And now is come the day : this is the Houre In which my Bleflings on your Heads I poure : Beloued of my Father, Come and Take A Kingdom layd vp onely for your fake ; Come ye For me you haue bin Mock'd, Reuil'd, *%£^

and Beate, Mat'- s/

Mount therefore now into a Glorious Seate : O blefled word ! which none but he can fpeake, O word of Loue Diuine ! when (not with

weake

But Armes Omnipotent-ftrong, fpread ope* wide) He cries, Come, Come ! How is Man dignifide (Being / but a VafTaile groueling on the ground), Next to his Kings owne Throne thus to fit

Crown'd ? Come and poflefle : O what mall you The excellence

nofTefle? of that Inherit-

poiieiie. ancelaidvpin

A Kingdome, whofe vaft Boundes none ftHJfi can exprefle : doe wdl

28 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Had all the Peebles in the world bin cut Into Rich Diamonds, and both Indies put Into Two Hils of Siluer, and fine Gold, Nor all Kings hoarded Treafures downe being told, Can this Inheritance buy, which for your Good Is purchaft at a High Rate (Chrifts deere blood). Come and Poflefle, what Time can neuer Rot, Theeues fteale, Warres fpoyle, or Cank'rous Enuy

blot;

Come, and poflefle, a State, whofe Title, Law, Attorneys Wiles, no, nor the Scarlet Awe Of corrupt ludges, euer can Intangle : No Bawling Pleader at the Barre mall wrangle To proue the Right of This, being Stronglier

Grounded Than Defcents Lineall, by which Realmes are

Bounded.

Set at his Table, which doth Euer lie Couered with banquets of Eternitie : Salutations Cup ftands fill'd for you to th' Brim, Come Drinke, where Immortality doth fwim.

Come and Poffefle, you blefled, Bleft in This, The deere Sonne giues you a Coeleftiall Kifle For welcome : Come you blefled, and poflefle Wealth, Honor, Glories, Pleafures numberlefle. The not-guiity Forth-with (me thought) they All were

Crown'd with gold, Set thick with Starres, and in their hands did hold

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 29

Scepters of fparkling Diamonds, which out fhinde Sun-beames, or Siluer, feuen times being Re-finde. The / loy at this, was wondrous : All the Skies Danc'd to the foundes of feuerall Harmonies ; Both Angels and Arch -angels loudly fung, All Heauen was but One Inftrument well ftrung. But They, who on the Left-hand were fet by, (As Out-cafts) fhooke and trembled fearefully, Like falling Towers : their Sinnes and The guilty how

Soules were black, perplexed.

And troopes of Hel-hounds waited at their Back : They beat their breafts, they tore their flefh and

haire, And curfd that houre in which they firft drew

aire.

And then with Grones (able to fplit in funder Their very Soules, like trees riuenlfthecontem.

through with Thunder), They wrung their hands, fobd,

& howl'd, & praid Osee Ia

That Rocks and Hils might on their backs be

layd

And they to duft be grinded, fo that they Might from the Judges face but turne away : And feeing themfelues inforc'd to ftand the

Doome, They gnafli'd their teeth, and curfd their mothers

wombe ;

30 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

lerem. 25. On

PsaL 149* high)

Spurn'd Kingdomes, trod on Thrones, and did defie

Omnipotence it felfe, into bafe graues

Tombling: prow'd Monarches here tooke place

with Slaues,

And like to broken ftatues down were throwne, Trampled, and (but in fcorne) not look'd vpon.

Theiudge Their cries, nor yellings did the ludge

implacable. regard,

For all the doores of Mercy vp were bard ; Juftice and Wrath in wrinkles knit his forhead, And thus he fpake : You curfed and abhorred, You brood of Sathan, fonnes of death and hell,

In fires that ft ill mall burne, you ft ill

The Maledicti. ' J

fhall dwell ;

In / hoopes of Iron then were they bound vp ftrong,

(Shrikes being the Burden of their dolefull Song.)

Scarce was the Sentence breath'd-out, but mine eies

Euen faw (me thought) a Caldron, whence did rife

souies tor- A pitchy Steeme of Sulphure and thick

mented- Smoake,

Able whole coapes of Firmament to choake : About This, Diuels ftood round, ftill blowing the fire, [wire

Some, toffing Souies, fome whipping them with A-crofTe the face, as vp to th' chins they ftood In boyling brimftone, lead, and oyle, and bloud.

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 31

Millions were here tormented, and together

(All at this Seflions doomd) were condemnd hither.

My frighted Soule (me thought), with terrors

fhooke

To fee fuch Horrid obiects : bloud forfooke The conduite-pipes of each Exterior part, And ran to comfort and defend the Heart ; But the worlds Glorious Frame being rac'd in fire And none aliue left, I had then defire (Me thought) to fee That black Infernall Court, Whither (in thoufands) Soules did fo refort. The way was quickly found ; paths Faciiisde-

' „ l scensus

numberlefle Auemi.

(Beaten with feete which thither faft did prefle) Lay trodden bare; but not One Path Vestigia nulla

returning, retrorsum.

Was euer feene from this dark houfe of Mourning. This Flaming Kingdome hath One Ferriman, And he One Boate : he rowes through Acheron, Styx, and Cocytus, Riuers that in Hell Spread all the Countrey ouer : Fogges ftill dwell Stinking and thick, vpon them, and there growes Vpon their bankes (in wild difordered rowes) The / Poplar (white and black), with blafted Ewgh; The deadly Poppy, CyprefTe, Gall, and Rew, (Emblems of Graues, Tombes, Funerals, and

Beeres) ; And on the boughes no other Bird appeares,

32 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

But Schriches, Owles, and Rauens, and the fhrill

throates Of Whiftlers ; death ftill liftning to their Notes.

Thefe Riuers of Hell, Poetically inuented, A pardon for cary a Morall and Myfticall Inter-

these Poeticall . »\»* x

Fictions, may prctation : for Acheron (the nrft water)

(without much >..-•»»• rr r- in

begging) bee fignifies Bittemelle : Styx, a deteftation :

giuen, if the °

Curious Cen- and Cocytus. a borrow or Repentance ;

sor makes but , , , , AT71 £ . '

truevseof and are thus applyed. When loules, by

thelnclusiue . r . . %/ 7

moral, no way realoii or their Sinnes, are to palle ouer from Diuinity. the troublefome Riuers of Death, being tormented with remembrance of the loffe of worldly Honors, Riches, &c., then they paffe Acheron, it is a bitter draught : Styx is the next, for when they fee no remedy, but they muft pafTe ouer to their laft more, they begin to haue a loathing of their anteacted life : and then comming to ferry ouer Cocytus, they mourne and howle : fo that all the conflicts, combats, and earthly wraftlings about the time of a Mans departure, are figured vnder thofe Three Riuers.

I hollowed to the Ferriman (me thought), And with a ftrech'd voyce, cry'd a Boate, a boate : Hee came at firft call, and when neere he drew, Death terrible That of his Face and Forme, I had full

in countenance.

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 33

My bloud congeal'd to ice with a colde feare, To fee a Shape fo horribly appeare : His eyes flafh'd fire, grizled and fliagg'd his Haire, (Snarl'd all in felt-lockes) : Terror and Defpaire Lay / in his wrinckled cheekes, his voyce was hoarfe, And grumbling, he look'd ghaftlier than a Coarfe.

This defcription of the Vgly Ferriman is but an Argument how terrible the apparence of death is vnto vs, at our laft voyage, which we take in departing from the world.

By thofe who there ftood thronging on the fhoare, I heard his name was Charon : a blacke Oare And dirty, held he in his brawny hand, And though 'mongft thofe who ftood vpon the

Strond He faw fome Kings, fome Beggers. None More sceptra

ligonibus

had roome aequat.

For Birth, or Bloud, but fate as they did come : None gaue the Cufhions here, for there was none, But in heaps tumbling in, All were as One : Some thither came laden with bags of gold, Some with braue death's ; then did he barke, and

fcold, And fnatch'd all from them, with looke fharpe and

grim : All Fares (he fayd) muft Naked goe iob4.

with him.

D. III. 7

34 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

As Death hath no refpect of perfons, for the beggers difh & the kings (landing cup of gold, are to him of one weight : fo he fpoyleth all men of all that they poflefle ; Princes of their Crownes, Lords of their Manners, Judges of their Scarlet, Gentlemen of their Reuenues, Citizens of Riches, Souldiers of Strength, Scholers of Learning, Women of Beauty, Age of Experience, Youth of Comeli- nefle. And as they enter into the Lifts of the world, weake and vnfurnifhed ; So muft they go forth, Beaten, Vanquifhed, and Difarmed.

At / laft (me thought) I leap'd into the boate ; Which feene, the Sculler pluck' d me by the throate To haue his Fare firft : afking what it was, He cry'd a Penny. I for That did pafTe : Being glad for bought experience : I could tell, Couetousnesse That Auarice houfe ftood the next doore

a hag infernal. tO hell.

Charon by interpretation is loy ; for after we what Charon naue ferried ouer the troublefome pas- fage of death, and landed on the fhoares of BleflednefTe, then the Ferriman (how churlim and terrible foeuer hee feemed at firft), hath a countenance merry and comfortable. Charon alfo, is pictured Old, thereby fignifying Good Councell, & Sweete perfwafion to prepare for death, and that brings loy : For what loy can bee greater, than

DEKKRR IlfS DRRAME.

35

that which arifeth out of an aflured knowledge of a fpotleffe Innocence, or of an hope that fins com mitted are repented and pardoned ?

Anon (to fee with what a ReftlefTe Gyre The Soule entranced is whirld, fome times through

fire, Then waues, then Racking Clowdes ; earth, heau'n

and hell

Lying (then) all open, free and paflible) Me thought, being in a Twinkling ferried o're, And trembling on the horrid Stygian fhore, I faw the Brazen gates of deepe Abyfle In a vaft bottome {landing ; none can mifle The way, it is fo beaten, and fo wide That ten Caroches (breaft-wife) in may ride.

To it there is a Headlong bafe Defcent, Slippery in whorrying downe, yet turbulent Through / throngs of people dayly poafting thither, For Day nor night are the Gates clofde Noctes atq . together.

As at fome direfull Tragcedy (before Not Acted), men preafe round about the dore Crowding for Entrance, yet non entrance haue, But (like toff'd billowes) this and that way Waue : So Here ; I afk'd the caufe, and thoufands cry'd Hell is fo Full, there's roome for FewHell extreame befide. fulL

Dies patet

atri lanua

Ditis.

36 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

In thruft I 'mongft the thick'ft, and fweating got : (For all the Aire mee thought was fulphry hot). With much a-doe to th' Gate, where flood a grim And churlifh Porter, being in voyce and limbe

Cerberus Por- A Dog 5 7et like the Porter of a layle ; tertoHeii. Qn new-come guefts he Fawn'd and

wagg'd his taile,

But bawl'd aloud for Fees, ready to teare [ther : Their throats, who without bribes begg'd Entrance I choak'd the Curre with what he crau'd, and went On with bold fteps to the Black Regiment.

The Feeding and Feeing of Cerberus, taxeth thofe in office, who wey the gift, not the caufe ; and haue no other language in their mourhes, but §>uid dabis ? yet S. Paul willeth him that hath an office, to looke to his office : And as for taking of Bribes, there is a direct Statute againft it, fet downe by the Vpper houfe of Heauen in thefe exprefle words, Thou /halt take no bribe. Exod. 23.

[led,

Noyfe was my Guide (mee thought) by which being I got to th' Court where Soules were Sentenced: Full was it of braue Fellowes and fine Dames, Their Haire (once fo perfum'd) all turnd to Flames. Lucifer in his The / Prince of darkeneffe, fate vpon a

Throne Of red- hot Steele, and on his head a Crowne

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 37

Of Glowing Adamant : as in he drew The noyfome Ayre, flames from his noftrils flew, His Eyes dafh'd fire, and when with dreadfull found He Roar'd (for that's his Voyce), he ftiooke the

grownd

Of his Tartarean pallace : mafly Keyes (The Enfignes of his Empire) held (as Stayes) : A Canopy of Brafle aboue his head, Which hard (to laft) in Hell was Hammered. Thofe Keyes being Emblems of Eternall paine, For who there enter neVe come forth againe, Being lock'd-vp Euer : At his clouen feete Three Judges fate, whom I did lowly greete.

Thofe Judges names are Minos, Rhadamanth, and ^Eacus : the Infernall King is called The infernai Pluto. Now, albeit by the lawes of God Iud*es- we both beleeue, and are bound to acknowledge Him onely to bee fupreme Lord and ludge both of Heauen, Earth, and Hell, yet fithence thofe former figured Names (drawne from Poeti- call Inuention) carry in them a Moral 1 and In- ftrudtiue Meaning, they are not altogether to be reiedled ; and the rather becaufe in Picturing forth fo Terrible an Obiect as the Kingdome of hell, and Tortures of the Damned, I ftriue to fhaddow the Horrors of them, and to fet them off with heightning both of Profit and Delectation.

38 DEKKER HIS DREAME.\

The Judges in their hands held Whips of Wire, HeewiiibruseDiPP'd in boyld brimftone, to pay Soules

their hire

&c. Psaime 2.Accordjng to fafa Fads i The King

of Fiends

Spying me there i' th' throng, roares out and fends Two / of his Furies (Beadles of the Court) To drag me to him, who in currim fort (Like flefti-hooke-fingred Sergeants) hal'd me on : Being there, the lawes of Black Damnation Thus yawnd, and bellowed : Wherefore art thou

come Hither (thou Slaue) ere Death fets downe thy

Doome ?

Thou art aliue, and not a foule that drawes Breath Vital 1, by our dread infernall Lawes Muft heere fet footing. Humbly then (mee

thought)

With pale and frightfull lookes I Him befought, That fince I was a Stranger, and aliue, Hee by his hellim large Prasrogatiue Would figne my PafTe, but to walke all the

Rounds

Of his vaft Countries and to view their Bownds: A yelling Out-cry ail-about was hurld, That 'twas not fit one of the Vpper World Should be a clofe intelligencing Spy, Of their fcorch'd mores to make difcouery.

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 39

But the Crim Tartar, with diftorted brow Thwarting their grumbling, held it fcorne to bow To any wifh of theirs, and Vnder-writ The Pafle, with toades bloud from the Witches pit, Charging me as my foule (if ere it fell Into his Pawes) fhould anfwere it in hell, Not to a next World that my Pen betrayd What there I faw. His threatning being obay'd, From him I tooke my way, nor did I feare To lofe my path, Hels path was euery where.

Heere / begin the Defcriptions both of the Darkeneffe and fires of Hell, &c., as alfo of the particular Torments afligned to euery Man, according to his particular finnes.

On wings of hot defire I flew from thence With whirle-wind fwiftnefle, noyfe, and violence, Being mounted on a Spirits back, which ran With Mandrake-fhrikes, and like a Lubrican : Whilft round (me thought) about me there did

roare

Ten thoufand Torrents, beating on a fhoare Made all of Rocks, where huge Leuia- Iob27

thanslay Gaping to fwallow Soules new caft away.

40 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

The Darkneffe of hell.

Were all the Rowndure betwixt Hell and Heauen One Clowd condenf'd, & into blacknefs

The darkenesse j •

of Heii (no dnuen,

Wscrib°ed)eisde'Not That ; no, nor the Chaos vn-refinde, hstaenSi°n7by" (When in one Bundle DarkenefTe vp did

comparison of others made

confufd Lumpe of Mixtures) being put too, [new,

as we know. {f

All Nights (that euer were) might grow in One, Neither could That : Nor the Egyptian Caliginous, Black vapor, which did rife From Caues infernall to blind Pharaohs eyes, Clammy as if that pitch from Heauen did melt, And glutinoufly- thick it might be felt : Adde / to all thefe, that hideous direfull houre When all the lamps Casleftiall out did poure Their lights like fpent oyle, dropping from their

Sphaere

(As in my dreame at firft it did appeare) : Not all thefe DarknefTes together glowd, And ten-times-ten Redoubled and Renewde, Are half fo difmall as the Night infernall. Black, Stinking, Stiffling, Poyfning, and Eternal].

See for this Darkenefle Math. 22, 13. lud. 13. lob. 10. Prou. 4, 14. Psal. 107, 10.

DEKKER HIS DREAME.

ardor' sic nos' tru materialem

Horror of Hell Fire.

How then (it may be afked) did my weake Sight Pierce thefe thick walles of Horror, where no

light

Euer fhed Beame ? why, on that Sorcerous Coaft Where Hagges and Witches dwelt was not I loft ? My Spirit had balls of Wild-fire in his head For Eyes (me thought), and I by them was led : For All thefe coale-pits (faddom'd deepe as hell) Still burne, yet are the Flames Inuifible.

This fire is none of that which GodTartarei ignis

Ipnf- Man lent IVian,

When (driuen by fume out) he

Paradife ran, Bitten with cold, beaten with frofts and Snow : And in meere pity did that Warmth beftow, Teaching him how to kindle it at firft, And then with food combuftible haue it nurft : * No ; / this Red Gloomy Fornace is a Firing, Deuouring, yet not wafting, nor felfe-tiring.

Arithmetick cannot in Figures fet An Age of Numbred yeares to fwell fo Great, As to fill vp that time when thefe ftiall dye, Being NEVER, for it burnes Eternally, From the Worlds firft Foundation, to th' Con

founding : Were Deluges on Deluges abounding,

42 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Not All that Raine (able to drowne the World) Reach'd it to heauen, nor thoufand Oceans

hurld

On top of all thofe Waters, can euer flake Or quench the leaft drop of this brimftone Lake. Fire without ^or (which moft dreadfull is) the Flames

Iight- ceafe Neuer

To torture Soules, and yet no light feene Euer : It is a Burning which doth BrightnefTe lack, The Coales being infinite-hot, and infinite black. Yet through my horfe of Hell gallopp'd amaine, Now plung'd in Boyling lakes, then vp-againe ; Leaping into vaft Caues, where heate neuer

comes :

For fharper cold then Winters breath, benummes The Aire fo ftiffe, it freezeth All to ice, And Clowdes of Snow : whofe Flakes are harder

thrice Than thofe Quadrangled Haile-ftones, which in

thunder Kill Teemes, and Plough-men, and riue Oakes in

funder.

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 43

The / Extremities of Cold in Hell.

The Hyperborean wind, whofe Rough simile.

hand flings

Mountaines for Snow-balls, and on 's Marble wings Beares rocks of ice fetch' d from the Frigid zone, Which ftuck i' th' North feas, Seas and fhoares

were One ;

Ten thoufand wild Waues hardned in the Aire Rattling like Ificles on his grizly Haire, And in his driueling Beard Snow ten times more Than e're the bald-pate Alpes in Periwigs wore, When from his Caues of brafle (bound there in

Giues

Of Adamant), out he whorries, and fore him driues (In whirlewindes), Haile, Frofts, Sleete, and

Stormes ; and meetes

With rugged Winter, whom he Roaring greetes, Then clapping their obftreperous Squallid Wings, Each of them on the frozen Ruffian jdinga Such bitter blafts downe, that they flye in Droues (Though fwadled all in furres) to Sweltring Stoues : The Mufle, the Scythian, nor the Freeze-land-boore, Nor the Laplandian Witch once peeping o're A thremold, left their Nofes, Cheekes, and Eyes ( Pinch* d off by his Clumzy Nailes) be made a prize To fnarling Boreas. O yet, all this cold (Were it pil'd vp in heapes a hundred fold,

44 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

In ftifned Clowdes to freeze ten thoufand yeere)

Is a Warme Thaw, to th' piercing

The effectes , T ,

of the cold Horrors heere.

Hells cold fo biting, fo Inuincible, Infufferable, inexpreffible, That / from all cold elfe the fharpe nips doth

fteale ;

Should fire come neare it, it would fire congeale, Till Flames turne icy Flakes, and force fire leefe His Vertue fo, that coales Red-hot will freeze. Here I beheld (mee thought) Soules fcar-crow-

like. Some bound, fome hang bi' th' heeles, whofe heads

did ftrike

The Icy-knobbed-roofe, tofTd too and fro By Gufts implacable, able downe to throw Rampires of BrafTe ; which ftill beate out the

Braines,

And ftill Renewde them with Plangiferous Paines. Here I beheld Kennels of fat-paunch' d Dogges, Hard hearted- From one to one howling in Dialogues nes Pushed, of Hellim Language, curfing that they fat At prowd Voluptuous Tables, yet forgat Numm'd Charity, when at their gawdy gates She begg'd but Scraps of their worft Delicates, Yet ftaru'd for want ; whilft they at Toafting fires Bath'd their Ranke Guts ; and with fharpe whips

of Wires

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 45

(But nothing elfe) heated her Shiuering limbes : They quaffing Bowles (i' th' mean time) crown'd to

th' Brims. And when ragg'd Souldiers, of their souidiers

Bodies making

Anatomies in Wounds, with chill blafts quaking And fhrunke-vp mawes, did to their Worfhips

come,

A Whipping- Poaft, and Halter was their Doome. Or when Thin-pale-cheek' d Schollers held but forth Their Thread-bare armes, and did be- Schoiiers vn-

feech their Worth rewarded-

To pittie hapleffe Learning once fo much, As not to fee her beg : No, they'd not Touch A Poore bookes couer, though within it lay Their Soules wealth, but (in fcorne) Shuffled away. O / Diuine Vengeance ! how moft luft thou art ! What they Stung others with, is Now their fmart. Bleake Agues, Apoplexies, Murres, Catarrhes, Coughes, Dropfies, Rhewmes, difeafes that make

wars

And in cold bloud kill Health, did here reigne rife, And though they could not Waft, yet Worried life. Death from his earthy hands flung here and there Cold Snakes, and Scorpions, which did piece-male-

teare

Froft-bitten Soules, and fpewd them vp againe Wanting Difgeftion: And to whip Paine with Paine,

46 DRKKER HIS DREAME.

Ten thoufand Salamanders (whofe chill thawing Puts Bonfires out), their ftarke-ftiffe lunges it were

gnawing :

Harm was their Muficke therefore, on no firing But Yels ; Teeth-gnafhing, Chattring, Shiuering.

When thus farre I was tranfported by my Dreame, I called to minde (me thought) that vpon earth I had heard many great Schollers defend, that there was no Cold in hell. But then (turning ouer the leaues of my memory) I found written there, that lob once fpake thus : —

They fhal pafle from the waters of Snow, to Sebastian to° much Heate ; and that vpon thofe

^Eulngd. wordes Reuerend Bede did inferre, that lib. 10. cap. s. Iob feeme(} to p0int (with nis finger as

it were) at Two Hels, the one of fire, the other

of Cold. And that S. Hierome vpon the tenth of

Mathew, did auouch the fame thing : And againe,

that Hu?o Vittorinus* in his booke De

Hugo Victor-

inus, lib. 4. Anima^ had fet downe, that in Hell there was a PafTage from the waters of Snow, to the heate of Fire, and both of thefe were In- fufferable, &c. Iob. 24.

I likewife / (me thought) remembred, that the Author of the Booke intituled De Triplici

1 om. 9, cap. 2.

Habitaculo, (that is to fay, Of Heauen, Earth, and Hell) being thought to be the worke

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 47

of Saint Auguftiney had thefe wordes, There are two principall Torments in Hell ; viz., Intollerable Colde, and Intollerable Heate. Whereupon the Euangelifts wrote, there fhall bee in Hell Weeping and Gnafhing of teeth ; Teares, melting from the eyes through the Extremity of Fire, and that of the Teeth, proceeding from the Sharpneffe of Colde. (Math. 13 ; Luke 13).

Then called I to minde, that luftinianus, in his booke De cafto Connubio Anim<e> fayd thus : There is in Hell a Fire Corporeall, Inextinguible, wanting Combuftible matter to nourim it : It mines to Punifhment, not to Confolation. In that place there is Colde Incomparable, Gnafhing of teeth, and Smoake mod Horrible-Stinking, &c. And that Haymo commenting vpon Mathew, fung the fame Tune, thus: That among all the Tortures in Hell, the greateft were Heate and Cold.

My memory (me thought) amongft thefe muftred, Anfelmus in his Elucidary ; Innocentius with his booke De Contemptu Mundi, with many others, all fighting vnder the fame Opinion. (Innocent, lib. 6, cap. 4).

Againe, I tooke hold vpon the 39. Chapter of EcclefiafticuSy fpeaking thus : They are Spirits created for Reuenge, and in their fury they haue fortified their Torments ; when the finall Day fhall come,

48 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

they ihall powre forth the force and rage of him that created them, Fire, hayle, famine, &c.

Thefe / & other Fortifications of Reading de fending me, were Armors fufficient & of proofe, that there was Cold in Hell : And that haply the Bede on lob Infcrnall torments did fo change, that 24> fome times the Soules of men were fcorched in fires, and anon as grieuoufly plagu'd with inexpreflible anguim of cold: yet confidering with my felfe that it was no Pillar for Salua- tion to leane vpon, to beleeue that there was or was not any fuch thing, it could (mee thought) be no offence to Perfwade it was fo, or not fo : and the rather, becaufe it was but a Dreame.

My Mephoftophilan nag (which foam'd before With a white frothy Sweate, by fcudding o're The Fields of Flames), had now the Glanders got Through fudden Cold, when he was Extreame

hot :

Foundred he was befides (halting downe right), So that I durft nor on, nor yet Allight ; Myfelfe (mee thought) being almoft frozen dead. Back therefore did I reyne his ftubborne Head ; When quick as Thought, he gallopp'd thence away, And came againe where Soules all broyling lay : Vpon them fell downe ftormes of burning Speares, Trumpets red-hot, blowing Flames into their Eares,

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 49

Each Sence, and Member, that on earth had bin

An Armour in the quarrell of Damn'd Sin

To fight 'gainft Heauen, were (here) in Esa. 27.

pieces rent,

And Faults weigh'd out with equall punifhment ; The Glutton roar'd for Cookes to giue him

meate ; Drunkards for Wine, to quench their fcalding

Heate ; Adulterers for their Whoores, to coole

thofe FireS I will exercise

Which now burnt hotter then their old

T^ r Justice in

DefireS. measure.

Some / for Caroches cry'd, fome for their Say 27?

Trayne Of Vaflailes to attend, but cry'd in vaine.

They mall cry to the gods whom they ferued in this life, and they mail not faue them in this time of affliction. ler. 2.

Gay gawdy women, who fpent yeares of

XT Pride of wome

iNOOneS (and in that

In tricking vp their Fronts with Chape-^jSSSsJ

rnon^c age) is heere

roones, iimde, and

And powdred Haire : whofe Taylors rewarded'

fheares did quarrell

With pride, how to cut onely their apparrell ; D. nr.

so DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Whofe Backs wore out more Fafhions then their

Wit,

PhantaftickneiTe being fliort to alter it Into To many fhapes, as they did vary : The loades being more then thofe when fed Mules

carry (In Sumpters) Great Lords things ; whofe heads

were reard

F th' Aire high as a Stag's, 'boue all the Heard ; And when they rode (their Foote-men running by) They feem'd prowd Ships in all their Gallantry, Newly-arriu'd, full-fraighted, vnder fayle, Slight empty cock-boates dancing at their Tayle ; Thefe Dames, who each day in French Chariots fat Gliftring like Angels, a prowd-bounding Trot From foure faire Steedes drawing all on them to

wonder, That the Clowdes eccho'd and the Earth fhook

vnder :

But when their Courfers tooke their full Cariere It look'd like that Day, when the Thunderer Struck with his Triple-fire Heauens Rider downe ; For (from their horfes noftrils) Breath

Phaetont J

Fab., Quid. was throwne,

Metam. lib. 2. _ _

Hot-quick as lightning, and their Hoofs

vp-hurld

Such Clowdes of Smoake, as when he nYd the world.

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 51

O / horrid fight ! Thefe (once fo much Ador'd) In hell were drudges, fpurn'd at, and abhorr'd; Their Painted cheekes, turn'd into Witches looks, Bright Haire to Snakes, long Fingers into hooks, Pearle-Chaines to roapes, their gawdy Robes to

Ragges,

And delicate bodies, vglier farre then Hagges : They that for Table-crums refuPd to buy And (for their foules) hoord vp Eternity, Here offred worlds of Treafure, but to get One drop of Water : (O hels infinite Heate !) Yet not a drop was fufferd once to fall : To quench their thirft, Diuels held out cups of Gall.

Diues the patterne of fuch vncharitable wretches, cries out in that language : O Father Abraham, haue companion vpon me, and fend down Lazarus vnto me, that he may dippe the toppe of his finger in water and coole my tongue, &c. Luke 16.

Cram'd-vp in (linking corners I beheld

Bafe Heapes tumbled together, who all wimble

yell'd are in Hell.

Like bandogs tyed in kennels: High-way-ftanders, Foifts, Nips, and lylts, Prinadoes,

Bawdes, Pimpes, Panders, Old funck-eyde Beldames hir'd to keepe the doors, Till their owne Daughters were by flaues made

whoores :

52 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Catchpolles, and Varlets, who did poore men

Catchpolles. fleCCC

(To their vndoing) for a Twelue-peny peece.

Mongft thefe were mingled Periur'd

Common-bail. T> -i

Petti-foggers. common-Baile,

With petti-foggers, that fet Law to fale With Cauterized Confciences ; Theeues, Cheates,

Tradefmen that fed vpon the Broken Meates

Of/ Oathes and Rotten-wares ; and thofe to fell

Car'd not for fingle money to buy Hell.

Ten thoufand Packs (like thefe) were bafely throwne

Into a Ware-houfe of Damnation,

Good cheere in Where Fire their foode was, Adders galls their Drinke,

And their Tobacco a ftrong Brimftone ftinke.

His bread (fpeaking of the wicked Worldling) iob 20. in his belly mall be turned into the gall of Serpents ; hee mall be conftrained to vomit out againe the riches which he hath deuoured ; God mall pull them forth of his belly ; he mall be conftrained to fuck the gals of Cockatrices, and the tongues of Adders mall flay him, &c. Iob 10.

DEKKER HIS D RE A ME. 55

The Worme of Confcience.

The whips that lafh'd the Damn'd were fome of

wire,

And fome of Iron ; others were roapes of Fire Knotted with ragged ftones of glowing Flint, Which though in thoufand formes they did imprint Tortures vpon their Soules, yet there was One, To which all Torments elfe compar'd were None. A kinde of Worme there was, all fpeckledThe worme of

black, conscience.

That mot ten thoufand Prickles from his back, Sharper then quils of Porcupines, and longer, And further flying, and more fwift and ftronger ; It bare a Tearing forked fting behinde, Which in the Striking did fo ftrangely winde, It / wounded euery way where it did Hit, Nor could it be put by, by force or Wit : This Worme had Teeth of needles, and lay gnawing Both night and day, Black Soules in peeces drawing; The more 'tis rack'd, it Hues, the more it fries In Flames, the lefle it Burns, and Neuer dies.

Our Sauiour fpeaking of the paines of the Damned, faith that their Worme dieth not. Mar. 9. 44.

To call but this Worme to minde (amongft the other Torments of that Infernall Lake), marke in

54 DEKKER HIS D RE A ME.

what paflions one powreth his feares : Gehennam „ .„ A1 timeo, quippe interminatam, exhorreo

Cyrillus Alex-

.

Tartarum vt cui nimium innt Galons,

Orationede . .....

ExitaAnimae. paueo Tcnebras quoniam nmil admittunt Lucis, Formido peftiferum VERMEM quoniam eft perennis, &c.

I feare Gehenna, becaufe it hath no end : Hell to Gehenna one me *s horrible becaufc it hath too much oVf Hd?Sk£ Fire; the Darkncfle I tremble at, becaufe

noTv^ey, 'lt hath n° Light> the Deadly WORME

affrights me, becaufe it is Euer-lafting. Holy Bernard being pierced to the Soule with Bernard Serm. tne ^*ame Agony of Feare, thus confefTeth ini6Centurie:it: paueo Gehennam, Contremifco a

Dentibus Beftiae infernalis, Horreo VERMEM roden- tem, et ignem torrentem Fumum, et Vaporem, et Sulphur, et Spiritum Procellarum, &c.

I am (faies hee) afraid of Hell, I tremble at the teeth of the Infernall Dragon, the Gnawing WORME is a Horror to me, and the roafting 'Fire, and the Smoake, and the Brimftone, and the Spirit of Stormes, &c.

One / Soule, (me thought), boyling in fulphurous flame Curf 'd God, and on his Rigor did

A soule bitterly

accusing God CXclame '

of Injustice.

Kail d at him for Iniuftice, and thus Cri'd, If for my Sin thy Son was Crucified,

DEKKER HIS DREAME. 55

Why am I hell'd in Execution

In this Damnd layle, euer to be Vndone ?

If Hee layd downe his life to fet me Cleere

From all my Debts, why am I Dungeon'd Here ?

Why for a life no longer then a Span,

Am I Euerlafting damned Man ?

He whom the Firft bad woman did intice,

Was but once driuen out of Paradice,

Yet hee (euen then) was Sole Monarchall Lord

O're the whole Globe : Seas did to him Adam a

, . Monarch after

Accord his deposing.

In fweete Obedience : all the Beafts on Earth

As vnder his Dominion they tooke birth ;

So from him had they Names, they all did Bow

Their knees to him, and did obferue his Brow.

He loft a Garden, but an Orchard found

Wall'd in with Seas, with Sun-beames compaft round:

Where Birds (whofe Notes were neuer flnce fo

cleare)

Seru'd as Mufitians All, to tune his Eare : A Serpent cozened Him by forcerous Charmes, But (in his ftead) a woman fild his Armes : A woman ! in whofe Face more Beauties (hone Then all the Beauties after made in One : He was Man's Maifter-thiefe, Robd him of All, Droue him from Eden, and (fo) forc'd him Fall Out of the Sphaere of Innocence ; and yet Thofe Crownes of Bleflings God on him did fet ;

56 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Why / then for Sin but of a minutes date Muft I for Euer be a Reprobate ?

Gods holy hunger though it oft did kill

un sacra fames.

Gods holy Banquet yet did neuer fill me ;

The Silke worme ne're for me wrought in her

Loome ;

I neuer flept in a Rich lordly Roome, Neuer eate Pies of nightingales Tongues, or fate Like Diues at my table feru'd in Plate. My Beldame Nurfe (the Earth) when me gaue

Suck

To me, her left Breaft ftill me forth did pluck, Being luice-lefle ; or from thence if Drops did fall, How could I quench my thirfty lawes with Gall ? I neuer lackeyed by prowd Fortunes wheele ; — For all the tafte of Pleafures I did feele, Was in the warme Embracements of my Whore : If that were Sin, why then did Nature ftore My Veines with hot bloud, blowing luftfull fire ? 'Twas her Corruption, and not my Defire. I likewife (now and then) was wafh'd within All o're with Wines; but why fhould that be Sin, When God the Vineyard planted, and in 's word Bid Man drinke wine ? Thou art a rigorous Lord, (Mee thought the Hell-hound howl'd) for trifling

Crimes To Damne me in a World out-lengthning Times.

DEKKER HIS DREAME.

57

Say, that full fixty yeares my Glafle did run, More then that halfe I flept, there was won Little to Hell in fleepe : but my lifes thread Reached but to thirty, fo that I lay dead Fifteene of thofe, and of thofe fifteene fiue (At leaft) were childifh : O muft I aliue Be / held for Euer in damnation layle For poore ten yeares ! when I perhaps did faile Some part of them towards Heauen ? What curfed

waue

Threw'ft Thou to drowne me in th' Infernall

graue ? My Parents bleft me Mornings, Noones and

Nights ;

Were all thofe fpent in Vayne ? I tooke delights In plucking apples from t' Hefperian Trees, Which Eating, I grew Learn'd: adde to All

thefe My Priuate Readings, which more School'd my

Soule

Then Tutors, when they fternlieft did Controll With Frownes or Rods : fome Dayes in This were

Spent,

So that if All my Faire-writ leaues were Rent Out of Gods Memory, alack ! it were A Thin Booke of the Foule : yet muft I (here) For fowing fome Few Acres vn-awares Of Bad Corne, reape an Endlefle Field of Tares ?

58 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

At this, ten thoufand Soules (rauing-mad) Roard That on their Heads the felfe-fame fhot was

fcoard :

But then a Voice (tun'd to an Angels Sound) With repercuffiue Ecchoes did rebound Through all the Court of Barathrum, thus Thun

dering Terrors that fhooke Hells Center : Ceafle thy

wondring

(Thou Bawling Reprobate), a recompence Is giuen thee to the Weight of thine Offence. For had thy yeares out-reach'd Methuflem's Age, Thy Black lifes orrent (with impetuous rage) Had Boundleffe, Bottomlefle, Reftleffe bin ; So that as Thy Eternity did Sin ; Tortured thou art in God's eternity : Peccas Homo Thy ^aults to him, his rods for thee doe

inAeternotuo: L11Tr .

PunitDeusin DU7 •

Aeterno suo. Nor j can hg jfl fa Iuftice pittie thofe

Who pitty not themfelues, but do expofe

Their Soules to Foule Acts, fcorning threatned

Paine, Like Whoores, who buy Damnation for fmall

Gaine.

Thou on the bread thy Sins did earne doeft feede, Not paying by the Day, but by the Deede.

What was thy whole life but a Mutinous Warre 'Gainft thy Creator ? Euery Senfe did larre

DEKKER HIS DREAME.

59

From his Obedience : like to Mad-mens fwords Thy works were wounds, and blowes flew from thy

words. Thy Lips, Eares, Eyes, haue ftill him Gates fet

wide

To let in Blafphemy, Luft, Auarice, Pride, And Legions of fuch Diuels. Thou didft Dwell Firft in a Houfe of Flem, but now in Hell: That was thy Partner and (as Partners

Partners, vndo one another.

Hath thee Vndone for Euer : Thou malt Rue His Ryots, Whorings, Swearings : his Diforders Are thy damnations : euery Senfe now furders Thy Torments, the loofe Glances of the Eyes, The Liquorimnefle of Tafte, the Melodies To the Lafciuious Eare ; All, all thefe turne To thy Perdition, thou for thefe fhalt burne To no hand holden-vp can helpe be giuen, The Left is Hels, the Right beat back from

Heauen ;

In flames go it Wher, and grow Green againe ; Paine kill thee, yet thou ftill fhalt liue in paine. On was he going, but to drowne this Voice All Hell broke loofe, and then were heard no

Noyfe

But Vlulations, Shrikings, Horred Soundings Of Ratling-Chaynes, and thoufand ftrange con- foundings

60 DEKKER HIS DREAME.

Of/ indiftinguifhable dire-mix'd Terrors :

At which (I trembling) WAKDE ; and though the

Errors

Of my Sleepe-wandring-Soule were now left cleare, And that my cold-hands had taine leaue of feare, Yet my Heart panted, and my Haire turn'd white More through the Ghaftly Obiecls of this Night, Then with the Snow of age : And yet euen then, Collecting vp myfelfe, I read of Men The Volumes ouer, and the World, fo well That I found Here worfe Diuels then are in Hell.

FINIS.

x.

_

I THE BELMAN OF LONDON

1608.

NOTE.

For my exemplar of the two 'Belman' tractates, I am again indebted to the Huth Library. By the liberality of the Chetham Society, I give in the title-page their admirable facsimile of the wood cut in the 'Belman ' title-page of 1608. There is a smaller and poorer one in the other. See Memorial-Introduction on the two tractates. — G.

The Belman of London :

BRINGING TO LIGHT

THE MOST NOTORIOUS

VILLANIES THAT ARE NOW

Pra&ifed in the Kingdome.

>fitable for Gentlemen, Lawyers, Merchants, Citizens, Farmers, Ma- flers of houfholds, and all forts of feruants, to marke, and delightfull for all men to reade.

Lege, Perlege, Relege.

Printed at London for Nathaniel Butter. 1608.

The poore B E i, M A N of London.

To all thofe that either by office are fworne to punifh, or in their owne loue to vertue, wifli to haue the dis orders of a State amended, humbly dedicateth thefe his Difcoucries.

T your Gates the Belman of London beateth) to awaken your eies, to looke back after certaine Grand and common Abufes, that daily walke by you, keeping aloofe fin cornersj out of the reach of Law. It muft bee the hand of your authoritie that mufl fetch in theje Rebels to the Weale-fublick^ and your arme that mufl flrike them. I chufe you as Patrons, C not to my booke) but to defend me from thofe Monfters, whoje dennes I breake open in this my difcouery. More 'dangerous they are to a State, than a Ciuill Warre, becaufe their villanies are more fubtile and more enduring, 'The Belman not- withftanding hath plaid the Owle (who is the

D. III. 5

66 THE BELMANS EPISTLE.

Embleme ofwijedome) for jleeping in the day, as abhorring to behold the impieties of this lafl and worft age of the worlde. In the night therefore hath hwftolne forth, and with the helpe of his lanthorne and candle, (by which is figured CircumfpecYion^ hath he brought to light, that broode of mijchiefe / which is ingendred in the wombe of darkenejje. A monjlrous birth is it, and therefore worthy to be looked at : from monflrous parents doth it proceede, and therefore the fight of it to be fear e full. But of Juch rare temper are your eies, that (as if they had Junne-beames in them) they are able to exhale vp all theje contagious breathes which poijon a kingdome, and Jo to Jperje them into thin aire, that they ftiall utterly vanijh, & be no more offenfiue. In this black fliore of mijchiefe haue I Jailed along, and beene a faithfull dijcouerer of all the creekes, rocks, gulfes, and quick-Jands in and about it : Bee you therefore as Jecond aduenturers, and furnifli men armed with iuftice, and well fur nifhed in all points with a defire to conquer theje Sauages, andjend them to Jet ftrong and fear e full footing amongft them. It fliall be honour to yourjelues, and them, and a rich benefit e to the Republick wherein you Hue. For my owne parte I vowe, that as I dedicate theje my labours to your hands, Jo will I deuote my life to the Jafetie of my country in defending her from theje Serpents ; I will wafte out mine eies with my candles, and watch from

\

THE BELMAXS KPISTLI-:. 67

midnight till the rifing vp of the morning my Bell Jhall euer be ringing, and that faithfull Jeruant of mine (the Dog that followes me) be euer biting of thefe wilde beafles, till they be all driuen into one heard, and'fo hunted into the toyles of the Lawe. Accept therefore of this Night-prize (my Graue and worthy PatronsJ drawne rudely, and prefented boldly, becaufe I know the colours laide vpon it, are not coun terfeit, as thofe of borrowed beauties : but this is a pifture 0/*Villany, drawne to the life, of pur p of e that life might be drawne from it. None can be offeded with it, but fuch as are guilty to themjelues, that they are fuch as are enrold in this Mufter booke, for whofe anger, or whofe flab, I care not. At no mans bojome doe I particularly ftrike, but onely at the bo die of Vice in Generall : if my manner of Fight (with thefe dangerous Maiflers of the Ignobleft Science that euer was in any kingdome) doe get but applaufe; the }$z\ma.n fliall flwrtly bid you to another Prize, where you Jhall fee him play at other kind of weapons.

Denoted night and day yours, The Bel man of London. /

A Table of the principall matters contained in this Booke.

j]_ Difcouerie of all the idle Vagabonds in England :

their conditions : their lawes amongft them-

Jdues: their degrees and orders: their meetings y

and their maners of lining, (both men and women.)

A difcouerie of certaine Jecret Villanies^ which

borrow^ to themfelues the names of Lawes.

AS

Cheating Law. Vincents Law. Courbing Law. Lifting Law.

Barnards Law. The Black Art. Prigging Law. High Law.

Sacking Law. Figging Law.

Fiue lumpes at Leap-frog. /

I

THE BEL-MAN OF LONDON.

Difcouering the moft notable villanies now in the Kingdoms.

NTRING into a contemplation of the Changes of TVw* ; how all things that are vnder the Moone are as variable as her lookes are : how Goodnes growes crooked, & hath almoft loft her fhape : how Vertue goes poorely, and is not regarded: how Villany iets in filkes, and (like a God) adored : And when I confider, how all the pleafures of this life are but as childrens dreames, how all the glories of the world are but artificiall fire workes that keepe a blazing for a time, and yet die in ftinking fmoakes: and how al the labours of man are like the toiling of the winds, which ftriue to caft vp heapes of duft, that in the ende are not worth

;o THE BEL-MAN

the gathering : Then, euen then, doe I grow wearie of my felfe: then am I neither in loue with y beautie of y Sunne, neither ftand I gazing at the dancing of the ftarres : I neither wonder at the ftately meafures of the cloudes, the nimble galliards of the water, nor the wanton trippings of the wind, nor am I delighted when the Earth drefTes vp her head with flowers ; I wifh my felfe a Beaft, becaufe men are fo bad that Beafts excell them in goodnes, and abhorre all company, becaufe the beft is but tedious, the worfer loathfome, both are the deftroyers of fime^ and both muft be maintained with coft.

Since then that in the Noblefl Streames there are fuch Whirlefooks to fwallow vs vp, fuch Rocks that threaten danger, (if not fhipwracke,) and fuch Quick-Jands to make vs finke, who would not willingly take downe all the fayles of his ambition, and caft anchore on a fafe and retired more, which is to be found in no place, if not in the Countrie. O blefled life ! patterne/ of that which our firft Parents lead,

The praise of . n r T_. — y r— , . t

the Coutry the Itate or Kmges (now) being but a flauery to that of theirs. O fchoole of conteplation ! O thou picture of the whole world drawne in a little compafle ! O thou Pcrfpeftite glafle, in whome wee may behold vpon earth, all the Frame and Wonders of

OF LONDON. 71

heauen. How happy, (how thrice happy) is hee that not playing with his winges in the golden flames of the Court, nor fetting his foot into the bufie throngs of the Cittie, nor running vp, & downe, in the intricate mazes of the law, can bee content in the winter to fit by a country fire, and in the fummer to lay his head on the greene pillowes of the earth? where his fleepe fhall be foft {lumbers and his wakings pleafant as golden dreames. Haft thou a defire to rule ? get vp to the mountaines, and thou {halt fee the greateft trees ftand trembling before thee, to do thee Reuerence ; thofe mayeft thou call thy Nobles : thou malt haue rankes of Oakes on each fide of thee, which thou mayeft call thy Guard: thou malt fee willowes bending at euery blaft, whome thou mayeft call thy flatterers : thou malt fee vallies humbled at thy feete, whome thou mayeft tearme thy flaues. Wouldeft thou behold battailes ? ftep into the fields, there malt thou fee excellent combats betweene the ftanding Corne and the Windes. Art thou a tyrant & delighteft in the fall of Great -ones* mufter then thy har- uefters togeather, & downe with thofe proud fummer lordes, when they are at the higheft. Wouldeft thou haue Subfidies paid thee? the Plough fends thee in corne, the Medow giues thee her pafture, the 'Trees pay cuftome with

72 THE BEL-MAN

their fruite, the Oxe beftowes vpon thee his labour, the fheepe his wooll. Doft thou call for Muficke? No Prince in the worlde keepes more (kilfull mufitions : the birds are thy confort, & the winde inftruments they play vpon, yeeld ten thoufand tunes. Art thou addicted to ftudie ; Heauen is thy Library ; the Sunne, Moone, and ftarres are thy bookes and teach thee Aftronomie : By obferuing them, thou makeft Almanacks to thy felfe, that ferue for all feafons. That great Volume is thine Ephemerides, out of which thou maift calculate the predictions of times to follow; yea in the very cloud es are written lefTons of Diuinity for 'thee, to inftruct thee in wifedome : the turning ouer their leaues, teach thee the variations of feafons, and how to difpofe thy bufmefle for all weathers. If the practife of Phlficke delight thee, what Afhorifmes / can all the Doctours in the world fet downe more cer- taine? what rules for good diet can they draw out more finguler? what medicines for health can they compound more reftoratiue ? what ver- tues can al their Extracted Qjuinteffenjes inftill into our bodies more foueraine, than thofe which the earth of her owne bountie beftowes for our preferuation, and whofe working powers are daily experimented in beaftes for our example ? O you Plants of the field, and you Flowers of the

OF LONDON.

73

Garden! (Natures Apothecaries, & Earths Chi- rurgions !) your ftalkes are (lender, yet you your felues are the cheefeft pillars that vphold mans life : what cleareneffe doth the fight receiue onely in beholding you ? what comfort does the Sence of Smelling finde onely in your Sauors ? and how many that haue had halfe their bodies in their graues, haue beene brought backe againe onely by your facred Juices? Who therefore would not confume his youth in company of thefe creatures, that haue power in them to keepe off old age longer than it would ; or when old age doth come, are able to giue it the liuelihood and vigour of youth ? Who would not rather fit at the foote of a hill tending a flocke of fheepe then at the healme of Authority, controuling the ftub- borne and vnruly multitude? Better it is in the folitarie woods, and in the wilde fields to be a man amongft Beaftes than in the mideft of a peopled Citie, to bee a Beaft among men. In the homely village art thou more fafe, than in a fortefied cattle: the fringes of Enuy, nor the bullets of Treafon, are neuer fhot through thofe thin walles : Sound healthes are drunke out of the wholefome wodden dim, when the cup of gold boyles ouer with poyfon. The Countrie cottage is neither battred downe by the cannon in time of warre, nor peftred with clamorous fuites in time of peace. The Fall

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of Cedars that tumble from the tops of kingdomes, the Ruine of Great Howfes, that bury Family es in their ouerthrowe, & the noyfe of Shipwracks, that beget euen fhrikes in the heart of Citties, neuer fend their terrors thither : that place ftands as fafe from the mock of fuch violent ftormes, as the Bay tree does from lightning.

The admiration of thefe Bewties made mee fo enamoured, and fo really in loue with the inheritor of them that the flames of my affection (were in their burning) onely carried thither. So that in ftead of paued ftreetes, I trod the vnbeaten pathes of the / fieldes, the rankes of trees, were to mee as great buildings, Lambs & (kipping Kiddes were as my mery companions, the cleare fount- aine, as my cups of wine, rootes and hearbes as the table of an Ordinary , the dialogues of birdes as the Sceanes of a play, and the open emptie medowes, as the proud and populous Cittie. Thus did I wifh to Hue, thus to die. And hauing wandred long (like a Timonift] hating ' Men becaufe they difhonoured their Creation^ at length Fortune lead mee by the hand into a place, fo curioufly built by Nature, as if it had bin the pallace where mee purpofed none mould lie but her felfe : It was a Groue fet thicke with trees, which grewe in fuch order, that they made a perfect circle; infomuch that I ftood in feare, it

OF LONDON. 75

was kept by Fayriesy and that I was brought into it by enchantment. The branches of the Trees (like fo many handes) reached ouer one to another and in their embracements held fo faft together, y their boughes made a goodly greene roofe, which being touched by the wind, it was a pleafure to behold fo large a Seeling to moue ; vpon euery branch fate a confort of fingers, fo that euery tree {hewed like a Muficke roome. — The Floore of this fummer-houfe was paued all ouer with yellow field-flowers, and with white, & red dazies, vpon which the Sun cafting but a wanton eye, you would haue fworne the one had beene nayles of gold, and the other ftuddes of enamelled Siluer. Amazed I was when I did but looke into this little paradice, and afraid to enter, doubting whether it were fome hallowed ground or no, for I could find no path that directed me to it ; neither the foote of any man nor the hoofe of any bead had beaten downe the grafle ; for the blades of it flood fo hie and fo euen, as if their lengthes had been giuen them by one meafure. The melodic which the birdes made, and the varietie of all forts of fruits which y trees promifed, with y prettie & harmeles murmuring of a fhallow ftreame running in windings through y middeft of it (whofe noyfe went like a chime of bels, charming the eyes to fleepe) put me in

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mind of that Garde wherof our Great Gradfyre was the Keeper. I euen wept for forrow to thinke he fhould be fo foolifh, as to bee driuen from a place of fuch happineffe : and blamed him in my mind for leauing fuch a prefident behind him, becaufe by his fall, wee loft his felicitie, and by his frailtie all men are now apt to vndoe them- felues, and their pofterity, through /the inticements of women.

Into this Groue therefore at laft I did venture, refoluing to make it the Temple where my thoughts fhould fpend themfelues in fruitfull contemplation ; I purpofed to diuide the day into Actes, as if the Ground had beene a ftage and that the life which there I meant to leade, fhould haue beene but as a Play. Some of my houres fhould haue run out in Speculation of the admirable workmanfhip of heauen and of the orders which the Celeftiall bodies are gouerned by : Some of my howers fhould haue carried me vp and downe the earth and haue fhewen vnto me the qualities and proportions of the Creatures that breed vpon it : at another time would I haue written Satyres againft the impietie of the world ; At another, I would haue chaunted Roundelay es> in honour of the Countrie life. The reft of my time fhould haue fetched in prouifion for my body. Thefe were appointed to be my Aftes,

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in this goodly Theater ', the Muficke betweene, were the Singers of the Wood, the audience fuch as Orpheus plaid vnto, and thofe were, mountaines and trees, who (vnles the whifpering windes troubled them with their noyfe) would haue beene very attentiue. But whilft I was fetting forth to runne this Goale ; behold, cafting vp mine eye, I efpied a farre off certaine cloudes of fmoake, whofe vapours afcended vp fo blacke and thicke into the element, as if the Sighes of Hell had burft the bowels of the earth, and were flying vp toward heauen, to pul downe more vengeance. Before 1 faw this, I beleeued that this place had beene free from all refort : defirous therefore to learne who they were that neigh boured fo nie, and in a folitarie wood, (that ftood fo farre from inhabited buildings,) I ftept forward and came to the place, which (what by Nature and what by Art) was fo fenced about with trees, quickfet-hedges, & bufhes, which were growne fo high, (that but for the fmoake) it was not poflible to imagine how a houfe could there be builded. There was but one path leading to it, which (after much fearching and many turnings) being found, boldly went I on, and arriued at a homely cottage : the very doore of it put me in mind of that poore Inne of good Baucis and Philemon, where a God was a gueft : for it was

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fo low, that euen a dwarfe might haue feemed a tall man, entring into it, fo much would it haue made him ftoope. This houfe flood not like Great mens places, / alwaies fhut, but wide open, as if Eountie had been the porter, and being within, it feemd Hofpitalitie dwelt there, and had giuen you welcome. For there was a table readie couered, with faire linnen, nut-browne round trenchers lay in good order, with bread, & fait, keeping their ftate in the middle of the board. The Roome it felfe was not fumptuous but han- fbme ; of indifferent bignes, but not very large : the windowes were fpread with hearbes, the chim ney dreft vp with greene boughes, & the floore ftrewed with bulrufhes, as if fome laffe were there that morne to be married : but neither faw I any bride or bride-groome, nor heard I any muflcke : onely in the next roome (which was the kitchen, and into which I went) was there as much ftirring, as comonly is to be feene in a Booth, vpon the firft day of the opening of a Fayre. Some fate turning of fpits, and the place being al fmoaky, made mee thinke on hell, for the ioynts of meate lay as if they had beene broyling in the infernall fire ; the turne-fpits (who were poore tattered greafie fellowes) looking like fo many hee diuels. Some were bailing and feemed like feindes pow- < ring fcalding oyle vpon the damned : others were

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myncing of pye-meate, and mewed like hangmen cutting vp of quarters, whilft another whofe eies glowed with the heate of the fire, ftood poaking in at the mouth of an Ouen, torturing foules as it were in the furnace of Lucifer. There v/as fuch chopping of hearbes, fuch tofling of ladels, fuch plucking of geefe, fuch fcalding of pigges, fuch finging, fuch fcolding, fuch laughing, fuch fwearing, fuch running too and fro, as if Pluto had that day bidden all his friendes to a feaft, and that thefe had beene the Cookes that dreft the dinner.

At the laft efpying an old nymble-tongd beldam, who feemed to haue the command of the place, to her I ftepped, and in faire tearmes requefted to know the name of the Dwelling, why this great cheere was prouided, and who were the Guefts, for as yet I faw no bodie, but this Band of the Blacke Guard. In ftead of her tonge her eyes (that had ftarted backe a good way into her head, as if they durft not looke out) made me an anfwere. I perceiued by her very countenance, that I was not welcome, which afterwards fhe confirmed in wordes, telling mee, the place was not for mee, the feaft was for others, and that I muft inftantly bee gon, for that a ftrange kind of people were that day to bee merry / there. No Rhetoricke that I could vfe had power to win her to difcouer who thefe Guefts mould bee, till at the length, a

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Bribe preuailing more then a Parlee, fhee told mee I fhould be a Spectator of the comedy in hand, and in a priuate gallery behold all the Aclors, vpon condition I would fit quietly and fay nothing ; And for that purpofe was I con- uaied into an vpper loft where (vnfeene) I might (through a wodden lattice that had the profpect of the dyning roome) both fee and heare all that was to be done or fpoken.

There lay I like a Scoute to difcouer the comming of the expected enemy, who was to fet vpon this good cheere, and to batter downe the walls of hot pyes and pafties. Mine eyes euen aked with flaring towards the doore, to fpie when thefe ftates fhould enter, ducking downe with their heads like fo many geefe going into a barne. At length (with bagge and baggage) they came d roping in one after another, fometimes three in a copany, fometimes fiue, now more, now lefTe, till in the ende, the great Hall, was fo full that it fwarmd with them. I know you wonder, and haue longing thoughts to know what Genera tion this is, that liued in this hofpitable familiarity; but let me tell you, they are a people for whome the world cares not, neither care they for the world; they are all freemen, yet fcorne to liue in Citties : great trauellers they are, and yet neuer from home ; poore they are, and yet haue their

OF LONDON. 8 1

dyet from the beft mens tables. They are neither old Seruingmen (for all I fay they are poore) that haue beene courtiers, and are now paft carrying of cloake-bags: nor young gallants that haue ferued in the low Coutries, (albeit many of them goe vpon wodden legges) nor hungry fchollers, y all their life time haue kept a wragling in ^ fchooles and in the ende are glad to teach children their home bookes : neither are they decayed Poets, whofe wits like a fooles land, hold out but a tweluemonth and then they Hue vpon the fcraps of other mens inuention: no nor Players they bee, ( who out of an ambition to weare the Beft lerkin (in a Strowling Company) or to Act Great Parts, for- fake the (lately and our more than Romaine Cittie Stages, to trauel vpon y hard hoofe fro village to village for chees & butter-milke : neither are they any of thofe terrible Noyfes, (with thred- bare cloakes) that liue by red lattifes and luy- bufhes, hauing authority to thruft into any mans roome, / onely fpeaking but this, Will you haue any muficke? Neither are they Cittizens that haue beene blowne vp (without gunpowder) and by that meanes haue beene free of the Grate at Ludgate, fome fiue times : no ; no, this is a Ging of good fellowes in whome there is more brother hood : this is a Grew that is not the Damned y (for they walke in Sattin) but this is the D. in. 6

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Ragged Regiment: Villaines they are by birth, Varlets by educatio, Knaues by profeffion, Beggers by the Statute, & Rogues by Ad: of Parliament. They are the idle Drones of a Countrie, the Cater- pillers of a Common wealth, and the ^Egyptian lice of a Kingdome. And albeit that at other times their attire was fitting to their trade of liuing, yet now were they all in hanfome cleane linnen, becaufe this was one of their Quarter-dinners, for you muft vnderftand that (as afterward I learnt by intelligece) they hold thefe follemne meetings in foure feueral feafons of the yeare at leaft, and in feuerall places to auoid difcouery.

The whole aflembly being thus gathered to gether, One amongft the reft, who tooke vpon him a Seniority ouer the reft, chargd euery man to anfwere to his name, to fee if the lury were full : the Bill, by which he meant to call them being a double lug of Ale, (that had the fpirit of Aqua vit<e in it, it fmelt fo ftrong) and that hee held in his hand : Another ftanding by with a toaft, Nut-meg, and ginger, readie to crie Vous auez as they were cald, and all that were in the roome hauing (ingle pots by the eares, which like piftols were charged to go off fo foone as euer they heard their names. This Ceremony being fet abroach, an O-yes was made : But he that was Rettor Chori (the Captaine of the ^atterdemalws)

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fpying One to march vnder his cullors, that had neuer before ferued in thefe Lowfie warres, paw fed awhile, (after he had taken his firft draught, to taft the dexterity of the liquor) & then began (luftice- like) to examine this Tonger Brother vpon Inter rogatories.

The firft queftion hee demanded, was, if hee were flailed to the Rogue or no ? the poore Hun garian anfwered, yes, He was : then was he afked by Whom he was Stalled, and Where, and in What manner of Complement it was done : to which queftion the Nouice hauing not fb much beggerly knowledge as might make a learned reply, forth with did the Wicked Elder, comand the yong Slauonians that ftood about him to diffurnifh him that was / fo vnfkilfull in the Rudiments of Roa- garie, of his beft Garment and to carry it prefently to the Bow/in Ken, (that was to fay to the tap- houfe) & there to pawne it for fo much ftrong Ale, as could be ventured vpon it : Thus the chiefe Rag-a-muffen gaue in charge, the reft obeyed and did fo, whilft the other Suffered himfelfe to bee ftript, and durft not refift their bafe authoritie.

This done, the Grand Signior called for a Gage of Eowje, which belike fignified a quart of drinke, for prefently a pot of Ale being put into his hand, hee made the yong Squire kneele downe,

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and powring the full pot on his pate, vttered thefe wordes, I — doe ftall thee — to the Rogue, by vertue of this foueraigne En glim liquor, fo that henceforth it fhall bee lawfull for thee to Cant, (that is to fay) to be a Vagabond and Beg, and to fpeake that pedlers french, or that Canting language, which is to be found among none but Beggers : with that, the Stalled Gentleman rofe, all the reft in the roome hanging vpon him for ioy, like fo many dogges about a beare, and leaping about him with mowtes like fo many mad-men.

But a Scilence being proclaimed, all were humed; whilft Hee that played the maifter - diuels part amongft thefe Hell-hounds, after a fhrug or two giuen, thus began to fpeake to him that was new- entered into the damned Fraternitie. Brother Begger (quoth he) becaufe thou art yet but a meere frem-man in our Colledge, I charge thee to hang thine eares to my lippes, and to learne the Orders of our houfe which thou muft obferue, vpon paine either to be beaten with our cudgels the next time thou art met, or elfe to bee ftript out of any garments that are worth the taking from thee. Firft therefore, (being no better than a Plaine ordinarie Roague, mary in time thou maift rife to more preferment amongft vs,) thou art not to wander vp and downe all Countries, but to walke only (like an lender-Keeper of a forreft) in

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that quarter which is allotted vnto thee. Thou art likewife to Giue way to any of vs that haue borne all the Offices of the Wallet before thee, and vpon holding vp a finger, to auoyd any towne, or country village, where thou feed we are forraging to vidhiall our Army that march along with vs. For (my poore Villiaco] thou muft know, that there are degrees of Superiority and Inferiority in our Societie, as there are in / the prowdeft Company. We haue amongft vs fome eighteen or nineteene feuerall offices for men, and about feuen or eight for women : The Chief eft of vs are called Vpright men, (I my deere Sun-burnt- brother, if all thofe that are the Chiefefl mm in other companies were Vpright-men too, what good dealing would there be in all occupations?) the next are Rufflers : then haue we Anglers, but they feldome cat[c]h fim, till they go vp Weft ward for Flouders : then are there Roagues, (w liuery thou thy felfe now weareft :) Next are Wilde Rogues, then Priggers : then Palliardes : then Praters : then Tom of Bedlams band of madcaps, otherwife called Poore Toms Flocke of Wilde-geefe (whome here thou feeft by his blacke and blew naked armes to be a man beaten to the world,) and thofe Wild-geeje, or Hayre-braynes are called Abraham- men : in the next Squadron march our braue Whip-lacks, at the taile of them come crawling

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our Counterfeit Crankes : in another troope are Cabling Domerers : then Curtals follow at their heeles, and they bring along with them, ftrange Enginers, called IriJh-Toyles : After whom follow the Swigmen, the larkemen, the Patricoes, and laft the Kinchin-Coes. Thefe are the tottred Regiment s, that make vp our maine armie. The Vidhialers to the campe are women, and of thofe fome are Glym- erers, fome Bawdy -Bajkets, fome Autem-Morts : others Walking- Morts : fome Dopers, others are Dots, the laft and leaft are called Kinchyn- Morts, With all which Comrades, thou malt in thy Beg garly Perigrination, meete, conuerfe, and be drunke, and in a fhort time know their natures and Roaguijh conditions without the helpe of a Tutor. At thefe wordes the victuals came fmoaking into the hall to bee fet vpon the board, where- vpon the whole fwarme fquatted downe, being as vnciuell in manners, as vnhanfome in apparell, onely the Vfright-men and Rufflers had the Graine of the board giuen them & fate at vpper end of the table, the reft tooke their trenchers as they happed into their handes, yet fo, that euery knaue had his ^ueane clofe by his fide.

The table being thus furnifhed both with Guefts and Meate, in ftead of Grace, euery one drew out a knife, rapt out a round oath and cryed Prof ace you mad Rogues, and fo fell to. They fed more

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hungerly, than if they had come from the feege of lerufalem : not a word was heard amongft them for a long time, onely / their teeth made a noyfe* as if fo many Mils had beene grinding. Rats going to the afTault of a Holland cheefe could not more valliantly lay about them, nay my Lord Maiors Hounds at the dog-houfe being bidden to the funerall banquet of a dead horfe, could not picke the bones cleaner : At length when the plat ters began to looke leane, and their bellies grew plumpe, then went their Tongues : But fuch a noife made they, fuch a confufion was there of beggerly tayles, fome gabling in their Canting language, others in their owne, that the fcolding at ten conduits, and the goflipings of fifteene bake-houfes was delicate muficke of it. At the length, drunken healths reeled vp and downe the table, and then it would haue made a Phifition himfelfe ficke, but to haue looked vpon the waters that came from them. The whole Roome mewed a farre off (but that there was heard fuch a noyfe) like a dutch peece of Drollery : for they fate at table as if they had beene fo many Anticks : A Painters prentice could not draw worfe faces than they themfelues made, befides thofe which God gaue them ; no, nor a painter himfelfe vary a picture into more ftrange and more ill-fauord geftures, than were to be feene in the Action of their bodies : for

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fome did nothing but weepe and proteft loue to their Morts, another fwore daggers & kniues to cut the throate of his Dopye, if hee found her tripping : Some flept, being drowned fo deepe in Ale-dregs, that they flauered againe ; others fung bawdie fongs ; another crew, deuifed curfes vpon luftices of Peace, Headboroughes and Con- ftables, grinding their teeth fo hard together for anger, that the grating of a faw in a ftone- cutters yard, whe it fyles in funder f ribs of Marble makes not a more horrible noyfe. In y end One who tooke vpon him to be Speaker to the whole houfe, (bidding the French & Englifh pox on their yelping throates,) cryed out for filence, telling them it was his turne (according to the cuftomes of their Meeting) to make an Oration in praife of Beggerie, & of thofe that profefTe the 'Trade. Hereupon (as if an Owle had happened amogft fo many birds) all their eyes did prefently ftare vpon him : who thus began.

My noble hearts, my old weather-beaten fel- lowes, and braue Englifh Spirits, I am to giue you that which all the land knowes you iuftly deferue (a Roaguijh commendation,) and you mall haue it. I am to giue Beggers their due praife, yet / what neede I doe that, fcithence no man, I thinke, will take any thing from them that is their due. To be a Begger is to be a Braueman, becaufe tis now

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in fafhion for very braue men to Beg. No but what a Rogue am I to build vp your honours vpon examples ? doe we not all come into the world like arrant Beggers, without a rag vpon vs ? doe we not all goe out of the world like Beggers, fauing onely an old meete to couer vs ? and mall we not walke vp & downe in the world like Beggers, with old blankets pind about vs ? yes, yes, wee will, roard all the Kenell, as though it had bin the dogs of Parifh garden : Peace cries the PenileJJe Orator •, and with a Hem proceedes.

What though there be Statutes to Burne vs i'th eares for Rogues? to Syndge vs i'th hand for pilferers? to whippe vs at pofts for being Beggers ; and to fhackle our heeles i'th ftockes for being idle vagabondes? what of this? Are there not other Statutes more marpe then thefe to punifh the reft of the Subieds, that fcorne to be our companions ? What though a prating Coftable, or a red nofd beadle fay to one of vs, Sirra Goodma Rogue, if I ferued you well, I mould fee you whipped through the towne ? Alas ! Alas ! Silly Animals ! if all men ihould haue that which they deferue, we fhould doe nothing but play the Executioners and tormenters one of another.

A number of taylors would be dambd for keep ing a Hell vnder their mop bord : all the brokers would make their Wils at Tiborne, if the fearching

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for ftolne goods which they haue Receiued^ mould like a Plague but once come amongft them, yea if all were ferued in their right kinde, 'Two par Is of the land fhould be whipped at Bridewell for lechery, and Three parts (at leaft) be fet i'th flocks for Drunkennes. The life of a Begger is the life of a fouldier : he fufFers hunger, & cold in winter, and heate and thirft in Sommer : he goes lowfie, hee goes lame, hees not regarded, hees not re warded : here onely mines his glorie ; The whole Kingdome is but his Walke> a whole Cittie is but his parifh, In euery mans kitchin is his meate dreft, in euery mans feller lyes his beare, and the beft mens purfTes keepe a penny for him to fpend.

Since then the profefllon is ancient (as hauing beene from the beginning) and fo generall, that all forts of people make it their laft Refuge : Since a number of Artificers maintaine their houfes / by it. Since we and many a thoufand more Hue merrily with it ; let vs my braue Tawny-faces^ not giue vp our patched cloakes, nor change our cop- pies, but as we came beggers out of our mothers

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bellies, fo refolue and fet vp your ftaues vpon this, to returne like beggers into the bowels of the earth. Dixi.

Scarce was the word Dixi belched out of his rotten Aly lunges, but all the Bench-whiftlers from one end to the other, gaue a ringing Plaudite to

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the Epilogue of his fpeech, in figne of approbation : whereupon they rofe vp as confufedly as they fate downe, and hauing payd fo farre as their purfes would ftretch for what they had deuoured, making Oes in chalke for the reft when they met there next, And euery man with his Mort beeing afligned to their quarter, which order giuen, at what following Fayres to make hands, and what Ale- bum to tipple, with Items likewife giuen where to ftrike downe Geefe, where to fteale hennes, and from what hedges to fetch fheetes, that may ferue as pawnes, away they departed,

^urba Grants Pact, plaud<eq, inimica £>uieti.

No fooner were their backes turned, but I that all this while had ftood in a corner (like a watching candle) to fee all their villanies, appeared in my likenes; and finding the Coaft to be perfectly cleere ; none remayning in the houfe but the Hofteffe to thefe Guefts^ her did I fommon to a fecond parlee. The fpirit of her owne malt walkt in her brayne-pan, fo that what with the fweetnefle of gaynes which me had gotten by her merchant ventures, and what with the fumes of drinke, which (like a lufty gale to a wind mill,) fet her tongue in going, I found her apt for talke, and taking holde of this opportunitie, after fome in- treaty to difcouer to me what thefe Vf right-men^

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Ruflers and the reft were, with their feuerall qualities, and manners of life, Thus fhe began.

An Vf right -man.

YOu jfhall vnderftand then (quoth fhe) that the chiefeft of thofe that were my 'Tablemen to day, are called Vf right-men, whofe pifture I will draw to the life before you. An Vfright-man is a fturdy big bonde knaue, that neuer / walkes but (like a Commander) with a fhort troncheon in his hand, which hee cals his Filchman. At Mar kets, Fayres & other meetings his voice amogft Eeggers is of the fame found that a Conftables is of, it is not to be controld. He is free of all the fhiers in England, but neuer ftayes in any place long ; the reafon is, his profeflion is to be idle, which being looked into, he knowes is punifhable, and therfore to auoid the whip, he wanders. If hee come to a Farmers doore, the almes hee begs is neither meate nor drinke, but onely money : if any thing elfe be offered to him, he takes it with difdaine & laies it vnder a hedge for any that come next, but in reuenge of this, if hee fpy any geefe, hennes, ducks, or fuch like walking fpirits haunting the houfe ; with them he coniures about midnight ; vfing them the next morning like traytors, either behedding them or quartering them in pieces : for which purpofe, this band of Ffright-men feldome

OF LONDON. 93

march without fiue or fix in a company, fo that country people rather giue them mony for feare then out of any deuotion. After this bloudy mas- facre of the poore innocent pullen, the Actors in their bloudy tragedy repaire to their Stalling kennesy and thofe are tipling houfes, which will lend money vpon any ftolne goods, and vnto which none but fuch guefts as thefe refort : there the fpits go round, and the Cannes walke vp and downe, there haue they their Morts and their Dopyes, with whome (after they haue Bowfed profoundly) they lye (in ftead of fetherbeds) vppon litters of cleane ftrawe, to increafe the Generation of Rogues and Beggers : For thefe Fpright-men ftand fo much vppon their reputation, that they fcorne any Mort or Dopye mould be feene to walke with them ; and indeede what neede they care for them, when he may commaund any Dopye to leaue another man and to lye with him ; the other not daring to murmure againft it. An Vpright-man will feldome complaine of want, for whatfoeuer any one of his profeflion doth fteale, he may challenge a mare of it, yea and may command any inferiour Roague to fetch in booty to ferue his tourne. Thefe cary the fhapes of foldiers, and can talke of the Low countries, though they neuer were beyond Douer. /

91 THE BEL-MAN

A Ruffler.

I^He next in degree to him is cald a Ruffler : the Ruffler and y Vpright man are fo like in conditions, that you would fweare the brothers : they walke with cudgels alike ; they profefle Armes alike, though they be both out at elbows, and will fweare they loft their limmes in their Countries quarell, when either they are lame by difeafes, or haue bin mangled in fome drunken quarrell : Thefe commonly are fellowes that haue flood aloofe in the warres and whilft others fought, they tooke their heeles & ran away from their Captaine, or elfe they haue bin Seruingmen, whome for their behauiour, no man would truft with a liuery ; if they cannot fpend their daies to their mindes by their owne begging or robbing of country people that come late from Markets (for vpon thofe they moft vfually exercife their trade) then doe they compell the inferiour fubiects of their Comon wealth, (as Rogues, Palliards, Moris, Dopies &c.) to pay tribute vnto them. A Ruffler after a yeere or two, takes ftate vppon, and becomes an Vpright-man, (but not an honeft man.)

An Angler.

AN Angler is a lymb of an Vfright-man, as beeing deriued from him : their apparell in which they walke. is comonly frieze lerkins and

OF LONDON 95

gaily flops : in the day time, they Beg from houfe to houfe, not fo much for reliefe, as to fpy what lyes fit for their nets, which in the night following they fifh for. The Rod they angle with is a ftaffe of fiue or fix foote in length, in which within one inch of the top is a little hole beared quite thorough, into which hole they put an yron hooke, and with the fame doe they angle at windowes about midnight ; the draught they pluck vp beeing apparell, fheetes, couerlets, or whatfoeuer their yron hookes can lay hold of: which prize when they haue gotten, they do not prefently make fale of it, but after foure or fiue daies, or according as they fufpecl inquirie will be made after it, doe they bring fuch goodes to a Broker, (traded vp for the purpofe) who lends vpon them halfe / fo much money as they be worth, which notwithftanding ferues the Angler a while for fpending money, & enriches him that buyes it for a long time after.

A Roague.

A Rogue is knowne to all men by his name, but not to all men by his conditions; no puritane can difcemble more than he, for he will fpeake in a lamentable tune & crawle along the ftreetes, (fupporting his body by a ftaffe) as if there were not life enough in him to put ftrength into his legs : his head mail be bound about with

96 THE BEL-MAN

lynnen, loathfome to behold ; and as filthy in colour, as the complexion of his face ; his apparell is all tattered, his bofome naked, and moft com monly no fhirt on : not that they are driuen to this mifery by meere want, but that if they had better clothes giuen them, they would rather fell them to fome of their owne fraternity then weare them, and wander vp and downe in that piteous manner, onely to moue people to companion, and to be relieued with money, which being gotten, at night is fpent as merrily and as lewdly, as in the day it was won by counterfeit villany. Another fed: there be of thefe, & they are called Sturdy Rogues : thefe walke from country to country vnder cullor of trauelling to their friends or to finde out fome kinfeman, or elfe to deliuer a letter to one gentleman or other, whofe name he will haue fairely endorfed on paper folded vp for that purpofe, and hanfomely feald : others vfe this fhift to carry a Certificate or pafport about them, with the hand and feale of fome luftice to it, giuing notice how he hath beene whipped for a vacabond, according to the lawes of the Realme, & that he is now to returne to fuch a place where he was borne, or dwelt laft, by a certaine day limitted, which is fure to be fet downe long enough ; for all thefe writings are but counterfet, they hauing amongft them (of their owne Ranck,) that can write and

OF LONDON. 97

read, who arc their fecretarics in this bufinefle. Thefe fellowes haue fingers as nymble as the V$ Bright-man , and haue their wenches, and meeting places ; where whatfoeuer they get, they fpend, and whatfoeuer they fpend is to fatisfie their luft ; fome of this broode are called Curtals, becaufe they / weare fhort cloalces : their company is dangerous, their liues deteftable, and their ends miferable.

A wilde Rogue.

I^He 'Tame Rogue begets a Wilde-Rogue ; and this is a fpirit that cares not in what circle he rifes, nor into the company of what Diuels hee falles : In his fwadling clouts is he marked to be a villaine, and in his breeding is inftructed to be fo : the mother of him (who was deliuered of her burden vnder a hedge) either trauelling with him at her back, or elfe leading him in her hand, and will rather endure to fee his braynes beaten out, than to haue him taken fro her, to be put to an honeft courfe of life. So enuious they are & fo much doe they fcorne any profeflion but their owne : they haue bin Rogues themfelues, and dis- daine that their children mold be otherwife. Thefe Wilde Rogues (like wilde geefe) keepe in flocks, and all the day loyter in the fields, if the weather bee warme, and at Brick-kils, or elfe difperfe them- D. in. 7

98 THE BEL-MAN.

fclues in cold weather, to rich mens doores, & at night haue their meetings in Barnes or other out places, where (twenty or more in a copany) they ingender male and female, euery one catching her whom he doth beft fancy : the ftronger and more fturdy, keeping the weaker in fubiection : their language is bawdy talke, damned oathes, and plots where to filch the next morning, which they performe betimes : rifing as earely as the Sun, & inioyning their punckes to looke out for cheates, to make their meeting at night the merrier.

A Prigger of Prancers.

APrigger of Prancers is a horfe-ftealer, for to Prig, fignifies in the Canting language to fteale, and Prancer fignifies a horfe. Thefe walke (in frieze or lether lerkins) with a wand in their hands, watching in what pafture any horfes fit for their turne, and thofe within three or foure nights after are coueyd away at the leaft 60 miles from the place : if they meete the Owners in their ground, they haue mifts to auoide his fufpition by feigning they haue loft their way to fuch a towne. Thefe / Hackney" men that let out horfes will requeft feruice at gentlemens houfes, their {kill being to keepe a Gelding well, and if they get entertain ment, they ftand to their word, for they keepe the Gelding fo well, that his Maifter mall neuer finde

OF LONDON. 99

fault with any difeafe he hath, vnlcfle it he that he had the dizzynes in his head, which made him reele out of his ftable to bee fold forty miles off at a fayre. Thefe hauc their female fpyes that Suruey medowes and Clofes, and long onely for horfe-flefh.

A Palliard.

APalliard comes next into my minde, & he likewife is cal'd a Clapperdugeon : his vpper garmet is an olde cloake made of as many pieces patch'd together, as there be villanies in him : this Palliard neuer goes without a Mort at his heeles whom he calles his wife : Being either in the ftreete of a citty or in a country village, they diuide themfelues, and beg almes at feuerall doores, but whatfoeuer is gotten (be it bread, cheefe, malt, or wooll) they fell it to fome Rogue or other, and with y money are merry at a Bowftng Ken. A Palliard carryes about him (for feare of the worit) a Certificate (vnder a minifters hand with the parimes name, which mail be fure to ftand farre enough) where this Mort and he were mar- ryed, when all is but forged : many Irifhmen are of this lowfie Regiment , and fome Welchmen : And the better either to draw pitty from men, as alfo to giue cullor to their lame wandring ; with S fere- wort or Arjenick will they in one night poyfon

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their leg be it neuer fo found, and raife a blifter, which at their pleafure they can take off againe.

A Prater.

A Prater is a brother of as damnd a broode as the reft : his office is to trauell with a long wallet at his backe, and a blacke box at his girdle, wherein is a pattent to beg for fome Hos- pitall or Spittle houfe ; Many of which pattets (efpecially if they be in paper or parchment without the Great Seale) are counterfeit. And thofe that are not fo, ferue the Bearers of them but / as inftruments to play the Knaues by : for though they get neuer fo much, the poore crea tures for whome they beg receiue little of it : they lye foaking with a Dopye in a typling houfe, whilft the fpittle wretches are ready to ftarue for fuften- ance at home : let country women returning from Markets if they be alone, & in a dagerous place, take heede of thefe Profiors, for they haue the Art to vnhorfe them, and a confcience to fend them packing without any peny in their purfes.

A ^uire-Byrd.

YOur Quire-Birdes are fuch as haue fung in fuch cages as Newgate or a country Gaole, and hauing their bells giuen them to fly, they feeke prefently to build their nefts vnder fome honeft mans roofe, not with intent to bring him

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in any profit, but onely to put themfelues into money or apparell (though it be by filching) and then they take their flight.

An Abraham-man.

OF all the mad rafcalls (that are of this wing) the Abraham-man is the moft phantaftick : The fellow (quoth this old lady of the Lake vnto me) that fat halfe naked (at table to day) from the girdle vpward, is the beft Abraham-man that euer came to my houfe & the notableft villaine : he fweares he hath bin in bedlam, and will talke frantickly of purpofe ; you fee pinnes ftuck in fundry places of his naked flefh, efpecially in his armes, which paine hee gladly puts himfelfe to (beeing indeede no torment at all, his fkin is either fo dead, with fome fowle difeafe, or fo hardned with weather,) onely to make you beleeue he is out of his wits : he calls himfelfe by the name of Poore Tomy and comming neere any body, cryes out, Poore 'Tom is a cold. Of thefe Abraham-men^ fome be exceeding mery, and doe nothing but fingyfafj, fafhioned out of their owne braines, fome will dance, others will doe nothing but either laugh or weepe, others are dogged and fo fullen both in looke and fpeech, that fpying but fmall company in a houfe, they boldly and bluntly enter, compelling the feruants through feare to giue them what they

102

THE BEL-MAN

demaund, which is / commonly bacon, or fome thing that will yeelde ready mony. The Vf right- man, and the Rogue are not terribler enemies to poultry ware, than Poore Tom is ; neither does any man ihift cleane lynnen oftener than he does his wenches.

A Whtyiacke.

THen is there another fort of nymble-fingred knaues, and they are called Whipacks : who talke of nothing but fights at Sea, piracies, drownings and fhipwracks, trauelling both in the mape and names of Mariners, with a counterfeit Licence to beg from towne to towne, which licence they call a Gyle, and the Scales to it, larkes. Their cullor of wandring from Shire to mire, (efpecially along the Sea-coafts) is to harken after their fhip that was ouerthrowne, or for the merchandize ftolne out of her, but the end of their land-voiages is to rob Boothes at fayres, which they call Heauing of the Booth. Thefe Whip iacks will talke of the Indies, and of all countries that lye vnder heauen, but are indeede no more than frefh water Soldiers.

A counterfet Cranke.

BAfer in habit, and more vile in condition than the Whipack, is the Counterfet cranke : who in all kind of weather, going halfe naked, flaring wildly with his eyes, and appearing diftracled by

Of LONDON. 103

his lookes, complayning onely that he is troubled with the falling ficknes : Albeit you giue them cloathes they wil weare none, but rather with thofe rags which they haue hanging about them mould bee made lothfome by myre, or their naked bofome and Armes to appeare full of brufes, and to be bloudy with falling, therby to kyndle in men the greater companion : to caufe that foaming in their mouthes, which is fearefull to behold by the ftanders by, they haue this trick, priuily to conuey a peece of white foape into one corner of their lawes, which caufeth that froth to come boy ling forth. Thefe Crankes haue like wife there meetings, and there wenches at command.

d / Dummerar.

E Quail to the Cranck in diflembling is the Dummerar, for as the other takes vpon him to haue the falling ficknefle, fo this counterfets Dumbnes ; but let him be whipped well and his tongue (which he doubles in his mouth, and fo makes a horrid and ftrange noife in ftead of fpeech) will walke as faft, as his handes doe when hee comes where any booty is.

A lack-man and a Patrico.

ANd becaufe no common wealth can ftand without fome Learning in it, Therefore are there fome in this Schoole of Beggers, that

104 THE BEL-MAN

pracYife writing and Reading, and thofe are called lackmen : yea the lackman is fo cunning fometimes that he can fpeake Latine : which learning of his, lifts him vp to aduancement, for by that means he becomes Clarke of their Hall, and his office is to make counterfet licences, which are called Gybes, to which hee puts feales, and thofe are termed larkes. This lackman (for his knowledge) is hayle fellow well met w a Patrico, who amongft Beggers is their prieft ; euery hedge beeing his parifh, euery wandring harlot and Rogue his parifhioners, the feruice he fayes, is onely the marrying of couples, which he does in a wood vnder a tree, or in the open field, and the folemnity of it, is thus. The parties to be wedded, find out a dead horfe, or any other beaft, and ftanding one on the one fide and the other on the other, the Patrico bids them to Hue together till death them part, & fo making hands, the wedding dinner is kept at the next Ale-houfe they ftumble into, where the mufick is nothing but knocking with kannes, and their dances none but drunken Brawles.

An Irijh Toyle.

IN this Forrefl of Wilde-men, the fafeft foy/es to pitch is the Irifh Toyle, which is a net fo ftrongly and cunningly wouen together, that

OF LONDON. 105

they who goe a hunting with it catch the Common / wealth, and connycatch the fubiects : For an Irijfi Toyle is a fturdy vagabond, who fcorning to take paines that may make him fweat, ftalkes onely vp and downe the country with a wallet at his backe, in which he caries laces, pinnes, points, and fuch like, and vnder cullor of felling fuch wares, both pafTeth too and fro quietly, and fo commits many villanies as it were by warrant.

A Swigman.

Like vnto him in conditions is a Swig-man or Pedler, carying a pack behinde him in ftead of a wallet : their trades are all one, fauing that the Swigman is fomewhat better in behauiour, though little differing in honefty. They both ftand in feare of the Vfright-man and are forced oftentimes to pay him toale out of their packes.

A Kinchyn Co.

HT^He laft Ranke of thefe Runnagates is fild vp A with Kinchyn Goes ; and they are little boyes whofe parents (hauing beene beggers) are dead, or elfe fuch as haue run away from their maifters, and in ftead of a trade to Hue by, follow this kinde of life to be lowfie by. Thefe Kinchins, the firft thing they doe is to learne how to Cant, and the

106 THE BEL-MAN

onely thing they pra<5tife is to creepe in at win- dowes, or Celler doores.

Thus haue I opened vnto you halfe the neft of this generation of Vipers, now will I difcouer the other halfe, wherein fits a broode of Serpents as daungerous and as lothfome as thefe. Of which

A Kinche t^ie Yong-ones and the Leaft, are called Mort- Kinching Morts, and thofe are girles of a yeare or two old, which the Morts (their mothers) carry at their backes in their Slates (which in the Canting Tongue are Sheetes) : if they haue no children of their owne, they will fteale them from others, and by fome meane disfigure them, that by their parents they mall neuer be knowne. The fecond bird of this fether is a Dell, and that is a yong wench, ripe for the Act of generation, but as yet not fpoyled of her maidenhead : thefe Dells are re- ferued as dimes for the Fpright-men, for none but they muft haue the firft taft of/ them ; & after the V-pright-men haue deflowred them, (which com monly is when they are very yong) then are they free for any of the brother-hood, and are called Dells no more but Dopers. Of thefe Dells, fome are termed Wilde Dells, and thofe are fuch as are borne and begotten vnder a hedge : the other are yong wenches that either by death of parents, the villanie of Executors, or the crueltie of maiflers

OF LONDON. 107

and miftrefles fall into this infamous and damnable courfe of life. When they haue gotten

A Doovc

the title of Dofiesy then are they common for any, and walke for the moft part with their betters (who are a degree aboue them) called Mortsy but wherfoeuer an Vpright-man is in pre- fence, the Doxye is onely at his command : Thefe Doxyes will for good victuals or a fmall peice of money, proftitute there bodies to feruingmen if they can get into any conuenient corner about their maifters houfes, & to ploughme in barnes, haylofts or ftables : they are common pick-pockets, familiars (with the bafer forts of cut-purfes,) and oftentimes fecret murtherers of thofe infants which are begotten of their bodies. Thefe Dopyes haue one efpecial badge to be knowne by, for moft of them goe working of laces, and fhirt ftringes, or fuch like ftuffe, only to giue colour to their idle wandring.

Of Morts there be two kindes, that is to fay, A walking Mort and an Autem-mort: the Awaikejng Walking-Mori is of more antiquitie than a Dopye, and therefore of more knauerie : they both are vnmarried, but the Doxy profefTes herfelfe to bee a maide, (if it come to examination) and the Walking Mort fayes fhee is a widow, whofe hus band dyed either in the Portugall voyage, was flaine in Ireland, or the Low Countries, or came

io8 THE BEL-MAN

to his end by fome other misfortune, leauing her fo many {"mail infants on her hand in debt, whome not being able by her honeft labour to maintaine me is compelled to begge. Thefe Walking Morts trauell from Country to Countrie, making laces (vpon ftaues) and fmall purfes, and now and then white vallance for beds : Subtile queanes they are, hard-harted, light-fingerd, cunning in diflembling, and dangerous to be met if any Rufler or Roague bee in their company. They feare neither God nor good lawes, but onely are kept in aw by the P rf right-men ^ who often times fpoyle them of all they haue, which to preuent, the Walking Morts vfe this pollicy, they leaue their money (fometime fiue millings,/ fometimes ten millings) in feuerall mires, with fome honeft farmers wife or others whom they know they may truft, and when they trauell that way againe, at halfe yeares end, or a quarters, fetch it to ferue their turnes : but dare neuer goe in good clothes, leaft the V-pright-men either ftrip them into rags, or elfe ftarke naked, as they vfe to doe.

An Autem Mori, is a woman married, (for AnAutem Autem m the Beggers language is a Mort- Church:) thefe Morts feldome keepe with their hufbands, but are from them fome times a moneth or two, yet neuer walke they without a man in their company, and boyes and

OF LONDON. 109

girlcs at their heeles of ten or twelue yeares old, whome they imploy at windowes of houfes in ^ night time, or earely in the mornings, to pilfer away any thing that is worth y carying away, (which in their togue) they call Nilling of the Ken. Thefe Autem Marts walke with wallets on their moulders, & Slates (or fheetes) at their backes, in which they vfe to lie. Their hus bands commonly are Rufflers, Vpright-men, or Wilde Rogues, and their companions of the fame breede.

There is another Parrot, (in this Bird-cage) whofe feathers are more fleeke, and A ^^ tongue more fmooth than the reft ; and Basket- me is called A Bawdy bajket : Thefe Bawdy bajkets are women that walke with bafkets or capcafes on their armes, wherein they haue laces, pinnes, needles, white inckle, tape, round white filke gerdels, and fuch like : thefe will buy Conny- Skinnes, and in the meane time fteale linnen or pewter : they are faire-fpoken, and will feldome fweare whilft they are felling their waires ; but will lye with any man that hath a mind to their commodities. The Vfright-men and Thefe hold fuch league together, that whatfoeuer they haue is common to them both, and oftentimes will they with money reli'eue one another.

The felfe fame 'Truce is taken betweene the

no THE BEL-MAN

ypright-men and the Demaunders of Glymmer,

Demaunders that "1S tO % th°fe wh°

ofGlymer. ^ JQWne wjtn JJcenfeS to beggC,

becaufe their houfes haue beene confumed with fire, for Glymmer (in canting) fignifies fire. Thefe Glymmering Morts are fo tender hearted, that they fhed teares if they make but mention of their lofTes, and tel a lamentable ftory how the fire deftroyed their barnes, ftables, &c., all that they fpeake being meere lyes : they like wife carrie wallets at their backes, and are onely attended vpon and defended / by the Fpright-men, who neuer walke along with them through any towne, but keepe aloofe.

And thefe (quoth the HqfteJJe of the Eeggers) are all or the cheefelj (both Hee-Diuels, and Shee- Diuels) that daunce in this large circle. I haue brought you acquainted with their names, their natures, their tradings, and their trafficke : if you haue a defire to know more of them, you mall find whole congregations of them at Saint Quint ens ^ 'The three -Cranes in the Vintry, Saint Tybs, and at Knapjburie, which foure places are foure feuerall barnes within one mile compafle neere London, being but Nick-names giuen to them by the Upright-men : In thofe Innes doe they lodge euery night; In thofe doe Fpright-men lie with Morts, and turne Dels into Doxyes

OF LONDON. in

(that is to fay, rauifh young wenches) whilft the

Rogue is glad to ftand at Reuerjion and to take

the others leauings. In Middlefex Jikewife ftand

foure other Harbours for them, namely, Draw the

pudding out of the frey (which is in the parifh of

Harrow on the Hill.) 'The CroJJe Keyes, (which

is in Cranford parifh,) Saint lulians, (which is in

fhifileworth parifh.) And the houfe of Fifty in

Northall Parifh. The Kinges Barne neere Dar-

ford, and Ketbrooke neere Blackheath, are likewife

houfes of good receite for them : In all Shires haue

they fuch Innes as thefe ; and in all of them and

thefe recited, mail you find fometimes 40. Vfright-

men together ingedring beggers with their Morts.

No finne but is here committed without fhame.

Adultery is common amongft them, Inceft but

laughed at, Sodomy made a ieft : At thefe Hauens

do they caft anchor boldly, becaufe none are by

to barre their entrance ; yea thofe that are owners

of thefe Barnes and Back-houfes, dare not but giue

welcome to thefe Vnruly Guefts ; for if they mould

not they would at one time or other fet fire of

their houfes, or by blody and treacherous pradifes

take away their Hues. For this caufe fir, (quoth

fhee) am I glad to looke fmilingly vpon them, and

to play the Hq/tes, becaufe my abiding ftands fo

farre from company, yet I proteft (quoth fhee)

I hate the fight of them, as knowing them to be

ii2 THE BEL-MAN

hell-hounds, and haue made difcouery of their diuelifh conditions, becaufe you may teach others how to auoide them : And howfoeuer you may be drawen peraduenture to publifh thefe abufes to the world (fayd mee) yet I pray conceale my name, the publiming of which may coft me my life.

By / this tyme, the fumes of Ale which had dis tempered her braines, and fet her tongue a going were difperfed ; fo that both her lookes and fpeech mewing that me did not now defemble : but vttered thefe things vnfainedly, I gaue her many thankes for her Difcouery, coucelled her to change her difcomfortable Lodging^ and to dwell in a place more inhabited, (which mee promifed to doe) and away I went. A thoufand cogitations kept mee company as I traueled alone by my felfe : Sorry I was to heare that in thofe places where Innocence and Simplicity fhould be borne, fo much, & fuch vgly Vilany mould.be nourimed, yet was I glad that I came to the knowledge of their euils, be caufe the dreffing of fuch wounds in a Common wealth, is the curing of them.

Looking therefore with more pearcing eyes into the Country-life, I began to hate it worfe than (before) I loued it, I fell to difpraife it fafter than euer I did commend it. For I found it full of care, and full of craft ; full of labour, and yet full

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of penury ; I faw the poore hufbandman made a flaue to the rich farmour ; the farmour racked by his landlord : I faw that couetoufnefle made deere yeares when me had fulleft barnes ; and to curfle plentie for being liberal of her bleflings. I had heard of no finne in the Cittie, but I met it in the village ; nor any Vice in the trade fman, which was not in the ploughman. All places therefore being haunted with euill Spirits, I forfooke the fieldes and the Mountaines, and took my iourney backe againe to the Citie, whofe cuftomes (both good and bad) I defired to be acquainted with. It was my fortune to trauell fo late, that the Moone had clymed vp to the very top of Midnight, before I had enterance into the gates of the Cittie, which made me make the more haft to my lodging. But in my paflage, I firft heard (in fome good diftance before me) the found of a bell, and then of a mans voice, both whofe tunes feemed at that dead houre of the night verie doleful. On I haftened to know what noyfe it mould be, and in the end found it to be 'The Bell-man of London. The found of his Voice at the firft put me in mind of the day of Judgement ; Men (me thought) ftarting out of their fleepes, at the Ringing of his bell, as then they are to rife from their graues at the call of a trumpet : But when I approached neare vnto him, and beheld a man with

D. III. 8

ii4 THE BEL-MAN

a lanthorne and candle in his hand, a long ftaffe on his / necke, and a dog at his tayle, I fuppofed verily, becaufe the Moone fhon fomewhat dimly, that the Man in the Moone had lept downe from heauen & (for haft) had left his bum of thornes behind him. But thefe Imaginations vanishing, as faft as they were begotten : I began to talke to my Bell-man, and to afke him, why with fuch a langling, and balling, and beating at Mens doores hee went about to waken either poore men that were ouer-wearyed with labour, or fick men that had mo ft neede of reft ? hee made anfwere vnto me, that the Ringing of his Bell, was not (like an Allarum in a towne of garrifon,) to fright the inhabitants, but rather it was mufick to charme them fafter with fleepe : the Beating at their doores aflured thofe within that no theeues were entred, nor that falfe feruants had wilfully or negligently fuffered the doores to ftand open, to haue their maifters robd; & that his crying out fo loud, was but like the fhrill Good Morrow of a Cock to put men (that had wealth enough) in minde of the time how it flydeth away, and to bid thofe that were full of bufinefle to be watch- full for their due houres when they were to rife. He cald himfelfe therefore the Centinell of the Citty, the watchman for euerie ward, the honeft Spy that difcouered the prentizes of the night, and

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that as a lanthorne in the poope of a Ship, was a guide or comfort to fea-men in moft pitchy darknefle, fo was his walking vp and downe in the night time, a preuention to the Citty often times of much and many daungerous fires. I lik'd well that thus he praifed himfelfe, becaufe in thofe praifes lay the commendation of an honourable, ciuill, and pollitick gouernment. And fo farre delt I with him that in the end he brought me acquainted with his office, afwell as hee knew it himfelfe, and difcouered vnto me the properties of his walkeSj as how farre his boundes reached ; what mad hobgoblins hee oftentimes encountred with, what mifchiefes he now and then preuented, what knaueries he was now and then an eye wjt- nefle to, and to what fecret villanies (brought to bed in darknefle) he was compeld to be (though not the midwife) yet a goflip, prefent at the labour and deliuerie. Of all which I hauing a longing defire to get the true pictures, and perfwading him that he was bound by his place, by his confcience, and by the lawes of common humanity to lay open fuch plots as were fo / dangerous to the common wealth whereof he was a member, he yeelded at the length to difcouer all that he knew : And for that purpofe not only caryed me home to his lodging where he gaue me the notes and names of fundry abufes begotten in the dead of night,

u6 THM BEL-MAN

But alfo went vp and downe the Citty with me all the next day, fhewing me the very doores and fignes at which they dwelt, and the very faces of thofe that were y diuells Faftors in thofe lowe countrie comodities of hell. I learnt much by the Bell-mans intelligence but more afterwards by my owne obferuation and experience : what mer chandize I ftored my felfe with by both y Voiages here doe I vnlade, & what profit fo euer arifes by the trafficke of them, mail if you pleafe be wholy yours. And for that the Lading was of fundry commodities, I will deliuer them forth in their feuerall parcells, as I receiued them.

Of cheating Lawe.

\ LL Vices maike themfelues with the vizards .L\ of Vertue : they borrowe their names, the better and more currantly to pafTe without fus- pition : for murder will be called Manhood, DronkenneJJe is now held to be Phiftck, Impudence is Audacitie, Ryot, good fellowship &c. So are thefe Villanies (whofe faces I meane to difcouer) paynted ouer with frefh orient cullers, becaufe their lookes may be more pleafing, and lefle fus- pected to haue craft vnderneath them. And for that purpofe haue their Knaueries gotten the names of Arts or Lawes, as the Act of fuch a Thing or fuch a law, not that they are institutions

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fet downe by law for the good of men, or of a common- wealth ; but as the Law is grounded vpon Reafon, and hath Maximes of luftice, vpon which me buildeth all her Follicles whereby fhee gouerns kingdomes. So thefe new-found Lawes of the Diuels inuention, are grounded vpon Mis- chiefe, and are nothing elfe but certaine Acts and Rules, drawne into heads (in an aflembly of damned Wretches) for the vtter vndoing of Men, and con fun" on of a Weak Public ke.

Of all which Lawes, the Highefl in place, and the Highefl in perdition is the Cheating Law or the Art of winning money by falfe dyce : Thofe that practife this ftudie call themfelues Cheaters, j the dyce Cheaters, and the money which they purchafe Cheates : borrowing the tearme from our common Lawyers, with whome all fuch cafuals as fall to the Lord at the holding of his Leetes, as Waifes, Strayes, & fuch like, are fayd to be Ef cheated to the Lords vfe and are called Cheates. This fort of Gamefters, were at firft a few in number, (the Art being odious) they were poore, (as being hated and driuen from all good mens company.) But now, there are fo many profeft Cheat or s and fo many that giue counten ance to their occupation, that they might make an armie fufficient to giue the furke a battaile : now are they not hungry thread bare knaues, but

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gallants that ruffle in filkes, & are whorryed through the ftreetes in Coaches, their purfes being full of crownes, and their fingers being held vp able to command the prowdeft Curtizan. Yea to fuch a ranckenes hath cuftome brought this Vice, and to fuch a boldneffe, that in the moft noble aflemblies, at the Be/I Ordinaries where your onely Gallants fpend afternoones, & in your moft ciuill meetings of Merchants, your welthieft Cittizens, if they fall to play with dyce for any round fummes of money. It is now growne to a fafhion to haue fome one or other to take vp the Cheators weapons, and (without all refpedt of honefty, friendfhip, or focietie) to beate all commers.

A Cheator playes his Maifters prize at 14. feuerall weapons, and thofe weapons are thefe.

The Names of falfe Dyce.

A Bale of bard fincke Dewces.

A Bale of Flat fincke Dewces.

A Bale of Flat fice Aces.

A Bale of bard fice Aces.

A Bale of bard Cater-Treas.

A Bale of Flat Cater-Treas.

A Bale of Fullams.

A Bale of light Graniers.

A Bale of Langrets, contrary to the vantage.

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A Bale of Gordesy with as many High men as Low men for PaJ/age. A Bale of Demies.

A Bale of Long Dyce for euen and od. A Bale of Brijlles. A Bale of Dire 51 Contraries.

Thefe are the 14. diuelifh hookes, by which the Cheator angles for other metis money; hee cares not in what riuer, hee makes no confcience with what baite, fo hee may haue good draughts to maintaine himfelfe in riots, and his whore in rich apparell, that's the white he mootes at. Neither doth he let all thefe arrowes flie at one marke, nor in all weathers. But Tome he mootes in one game, fome in another, and as he findes what fooles are in his company, fo does he beftow his bolts. To fet downe all the Legierdemayne of this Handy- craft ', would peraduenture inftruct fome ill-minded perfons in that villany, which is publifhed onely to haue others fhun it; I will therefore mew you a few of their iugling trickes (that are Graduates in the Art) and by the fhape of them, iudge the reft, for all are alike.

A Langret is a Dye, which fimple men haue feldome heard of, and happily neuer feene (but to their coft.) It is (to the eye of him that is but a Nouice) a Good and Square Die, yet it is cut longer vpon the Cattr and Treay then vpon any

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other point, and is for that caufe called a Langaret : thefe Langrets are alfo called Bard Cater Traes, becaufe in the runing, the longer end wil com monly (of his owne fway) draw downewards, and turne eyther Sice, Sincke, Dewce, or Ace vpwardes on the board ; the principall vfe of them is at Nouum. For fo long as a paire of Bard Cater Treas, be walking, fo long can you caft neither 5. nor 9. vnles it be by great Chance, that the rooghnes of the table, or fome other ftoppe force them to ftay, and to runne againft their kind ; for with out Cater, Trea, 5. or 9. you know can neuer come.

Here fome may imagine, that by this meanes hee that hath the firft Dyce in his hand, may ftrip all that play at the table of their money ; but this muft be their helpe. An odde die called a Flat Cater Trea, (and no other number) is to be readie at hand, for granting the Trea & Cater to be alwayes vpon the one Dye, then is there no Chance vpon the other Dye but may ferue to make 5. or 9. and fo caft forth and loofe all.

The Cheater therefore marketh well the Flat, and bendeth a great part of his ftudie to learne when he is abroad, for fo long as that is ftirring, he will neuer Caft at Much. The fhift which a / cheater is driuen to, in conueying the Flat in and out, is a notable cunning, and in their Trade is cald Foyfting : which is nothing elfe but zjleight

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to carry Dice eafily in the hand fo often as the Foijler lifteth ; fo that whe either he or his part ner cafteth the Dyce, the Flat comes not abroad till he hath made a Great Hand, otherwife the Flat is ftill fure to be One, vnlefle y Cheator of purpofe fufFers the filly Nouices, with whome hee playes, to caft in a hand or two to giue them courage and to liue in hope of winning.

The damnable Oathes and Quarrels that waite at the table of Gamefters, are occafion that many men forbeare to venture money in thofe fports, who otherwife would play ; the Cheator therfore (being a cunning obferuer of all fafhions) will feldome fweare, (if he haue gotten a Gull into his company, whom he is loath to anger for feare hee loofe him,) and as feldome fwagger, but will rather put vp an open wrong, then by a foolifh braule to breake off the company, and fo hinder himfelfe and his confort of purchafe : But if hee fweare you would take him for a puritane, for his oathes are, Of Honefty, of 'Troth, by Saint Martin &c. and take this note, that when he fweares affirmatiuely, he meanes alwaies the contrary. As for example, if I fay vnto you when the Dyce come to your handes, Of Honefty caft at all, my meaning is, you ihall caft at the table, or elfe at very little : or if when one being ftript out of all his money, offer to pawne a Ring or a lewell, and I fweare by

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Saint Martin I think it is fine gold, then doe I meane that it is pure copper, and fo of the reft : He that is drawn in to venture his money, is (amongft this curfed brotherhood of Cheators) tearmed a Cozen, and is handled fo kindly, as if he were a cozen indeede : if hee once fet in a foote, and that they fall to Hunt him, then all the craft is to make the Conny fweate, that is to fay, fo wifely to handle him, that he may haue a defire more and more to play and to keepe company ; yet fo warily to encreafe this appetite in him that hee Smoake not the Cheator, which is, that hee fmell not what knauery is bent again ft him, and fo flip the coller like a Hound, and make off the company for euer.

At the Taking vp of a Cozen, the firft Veny that a Cheator giues him, is to learne before he play what ftore of Bit he hath in his Bay, that is, what money he hath in his purffe, and whether / it be in Great cogges or Small, that is, in gold or filuer, and at what game hee will fooneft ftoope ; for that being knowne his humor is fed, and he is choked with the meate he loues beft. For fome that will not play a groate at Nouum, will loofe a hundred pound at Hazard, and he that will not lofe a fhilling at Dyce, will play away his patri mony at Gardes ; for which caufe the Cheator furnifheth himfelfe for all voyages, but fpeciaily

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prouides for fine cheatesy and to atchiue which with more eafe, hee acquaints himfelfe with Dyce-makers, that worke in corners, (Varlets they are that are Faftors to the diuell, and for money will exchange their foules in a bayle of Dyce.) Thefe Dyce- makers, arme the Cheator with the forefaid 14. weapons, and then is he a Cheater compleate.

One notable pollicy is (as a Rule) fet downe in this Schoole of cheating, and that is, a Cheator neuer difcouereth the Jecrets of his Art to any : vnleffe it be to fuch a one, who being left by his parents rich in money and pofleflions, hath to the muficke of fquare ratling bones danced fo long, that hee hath danced him felfe into the company of beg- gers, and is brought to fuch want and miferie, that hee would leaue no ftone vnturnd to finde a pennie vnder it. Such a wretch is inftructed in thofe Villanies, by which he himfelfe hath beene wrought to infamie : the poyfon y once he fwal- lowed doth hee now caft vp to kill others with it. Neither doth the Cheator beftow this learning vpon his young Scholler, out of a commifieration of his low eftate, but onely to make vfe of him, euen in the heigth of his extremitie. His lornyman therefore doth he make him, and becaufe the Cheator is happily a man fo noted in all com panies, that few or none will venture money where he playes, the Nouice is taught to play his Scollers

1 24 THE BEL-MAN

prize, whilft the other ftands by and lookes on, yet fo that the Cheator hath the fweetnes of the gaines. The Nouices imployments then are amongft his rich Kinredy Countrimen or acquaintance to find out Cozens ; whome hee muft by one tricke or other get to a Tauerne, or inuite them to a (upper, at the end of which, the Cheator layes about him to draw them to play, and fecretly lends his Pupill money, to maintaine game, both their wits working how to cheate thofe that are in the copany. Wee haue beene too long at Dycey let vs now fall to Cardes.

Of I Earnards Law.

DTce and Cardes are 'Twynnes, Idlenes was the father of them, Dejire of Gaines the mother, Honeft Recreatio faies me, was their nurfie and ought to haue the bringing of them vp, but (howfoeuer) the Diuell makes them now his adopted children, and no wonder, for they are alike in con ditions, as being both (like him) full of deceipt : if there be cozenage in tripping of a dye, there is the like craft in muffling and forting of a paire of Cardes, infomuch that what game foeuer is on foote, He that is marked out to be the Loofer (by the Sy nodi call affembly and Fathers of the Bernards Law] is fure neuer to depart a Wynner.

To fpeake of all the flights vfed by Card-players, in al forts of Games, would but weary you that are

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to read, and bee but a thank[l]es and vnplcafing labour for me to fet them downe. Omitting there fore the deceipts pradtifed (euen in the faireft & moft ciuill companies) at Primero, Saunf, Maw, Tromp, and fuch like games, I will onely lay open the villanies of a bafe kind of people, that trauell vp and downe the whole land, fometimes in the habit of Gentlemen, fometimes of Seruingmen, fometimes of Grafiers, Farmers, and plaine fel- lowes, maintaining themfelues onely by the cozenage they vfe in Carde-playing : which kind of Play of theirs, they call The Barnards Law.

To Act which knauifh Comedy of Wily-Beguilyy I 5. Perfons are required, and thofe are, \

1 The Taker.

2 The Cozen. The Vtrjer. The Barnard. The Rutter.

Thefe are the Players : and now mall you heare their parts.

1 The Taker, is he that by fome fine inuention fetcheth in the Man, whome they defire to draw into Gaming.

2 The Cozen, is the partie that is Taken.

3 The Verjery is a fellow more Graue in fpeech and habit, and feemes/to be a Landed man\ his

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part is to fecond what the 'Taker begins, and to giue countenance to the Act.

4 The Bernard is the chiefe Player, for hee counterfets many parts in one, and is now a drunken man, anon in another humour, and fhifts himfelfe into fo many fhapes, onely to blind the Cozen, and to feede him with more delight, the more eafily to beguile him.

5 The Rutter is as arrant a knaue as the reft ; his part is discharged, when hee hath begun a fray with his owne madow, whilft the reft that haue made a younger brother of the poore Cozen, fteale out of fight. Now to the Comedy it felfe. The prologue of which if it goe off well, there is good hope all mail end well : All the cunning thereof is how to Begin, and to doe that, the 'Taker ftudies his part at his fingers ends. The Stage on which he playes the Prologue, is either in Fleeteflreete, the Strond, or in Pcules, and moft commonly in the afternoone, when Coutry Clyents are at moft leyfure to walke in thofe places, or for difpatching of their bufinefTe, trauell from Lawyer to Lawyer, through Chancery lane, Holburne, and fuch like places. In this heate of running to and fro, if a plaine fellow well and cleanly apparrelled, either in home-fpunne ruffet, or freeze, (as the Seajon requires) with a fide pouch at his girdle happen to appeare in his rufticall likenefle. There is a

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Cozen Jayes one. At which word out files the Taker, and thus giues the onfet vpon my old Penny -fat her. Sir, God faue you, you are wel come to London, how doe all our good friends in the Countrie ? 1 hope they be wel : the Ruffet- ting amazed at thefe falutations of a ftranger, replies : Sir, all our friendes in the Contrie are in health, but pray pardon me, I know you not beleeue it : No (anfweres the Taker) are you not a Lancajhire man, or of fuch a Country ? if he fay, yes, then the Fijh nibbles and he giues him more line to play with, if hee fay, no, then the Taker hath about with another weapon and fvveares foberly, In good footh fir, I know your face, and am fure we haue beene merry together, I pray (if I may beg it without offence) beftow your name vpon me, and your dwelling place. The innocent Man, fufpecting no poifon in this gilded cup, tels him prefently his name and abiding, by what gentlemen hee dwels &c. which being /done, the Taker (for thus interrupting him in his way, and for the wrong in miftaking him for another) offers a quart of wine : if the Cozen be fuch an AfTe to goe into a tauerne, then he is fure to be vnckled, but if hee fmacke my Taker and fmell gun-powder traines, yet will not be blowne vp ; they part fairely ; and then to the Verfer goes the Taker, dilcouering what he hath done, and deliuers the

128 '2 HE BEL- MAN

mans name, country, and dwelling to the Verfer : who boldly ftepping to him, or crofTmg the way to meete him full in the face, takes acquaintance prefently of him, falutes him by his name, inquires how fuch, and fuch gentlemen doe, that dwell in the fame towne by him, and albeit the honeft Hob-nayle-wearer, can by no meanes be brought to remeber this newe friend, yet, will hee nill hee, to the tauerne hee fweares to haue him, and to beftow vpon him the beft wine in London.

Diuerfe other pullies (if thefe two faile) haue they to drawe fimple men into their company, as by dropping a milling in the open way, which being taken vp in the Country mans fight, mufl be fpent in wine, becaufe hee fhall haue his Halfe- part : or by intreating him to ilep into a tauerne, til the Verfer haue writ a word or two into the Countrie, which hee muft carry to his friends, offering the Cozen a milling for his paines. But the conclufion of all is, that if they thinke his bag is well lyned with filuer, to the tauerne by one fubtle hooke or other, they will pull him, where being fet with the Verjer and the Taker, and wine called for : In comes the Barnard {tumbling into the Roome as it were by chance, feeming to be halfe drunke : and crying the company mercy for being fo bold with them, they modeftly anfwere, no hurt is done, and afke him if he will drinke

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with them : he takes their offer, and fweares to pay for a pynte of wine, which they by no meanes will fuffer. But the Barnerd telling them hee has money for what hee cals, and vfing phrazes fit for a drunken man, out flies fome twentie or fortie Angels on the board which hee puts vp prefently againe, and fayes, feing they will not fuffer him to pay for a pint, he will play at cards for it with any one of them, at a new game which hee learnt but now, with the lofle onely of a pot of Ale. The reft of his confort, making as though what they do is to be rid / of him, are content to play for a pynte and no more. The 'Taker or the Verjer is the man muft play with him, the Cards are fetcht, Mumchance or Decoy is the game : the firft wager is wine, the fecond two pence in money, from two pence they rife to a milling, from that to a pound, and hauing drawne fome good ftore of gold from the Barnard, the Cozen (allured with the fweetnes of gaine, and hope of wynning, feeing the other halfe drunke, as he imagines) is offered to be halfe in whatfoeuer is won : he ftoopes to this lure, but the bum is fo well beaten by thefe fubtle fowlers, that in the end, all the birds are flowne out of the Cozens hand, and he hath not one peny left him in his purfe : if then he fmell the knauerie, and fall to calling for a Conftable,- fwearing the dronken rafcall hath cozened him, (for the Bernard you D. in. 9

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muft know carries away all the money) then enters the Rutter^ who picking fome ydle quarell either in the roome, or at the ftreete doore, the couy of cheators take their flight in the meane time, and that (with the fharing of the purchafe in another Tauerne) is the Epilogue to their comedy, but the firft Entrance to the poore countrymans Tragedy.

Thefe commedians Strowle likewife vp and downe y country in the habites of Seruingmen, and filly fellowes, haunting Brainford, Kingfton, Croydon, Rumford and fuch other places neereft London vpon the market dayes onely, and at the end of market, when Butchers, Grafters & others whom they thinke to be ftored with money are on their way home, then will one of this crew ouertake them in ryding, and light at fome towne of purpofe to mend his girt, to remoue a fhooe of his horfe, or vpon any other excufe, intreating the company (with whom he is newly acquainted) to ftay and drinke a pot with him in the meane time. And in thefe country voyages doe they Saile by other points of the compafTe ; f windes are not fo boy- itrous, nor the Seas fo rough as the former, for here is there neither one y playes the drunkard nor any that iwaggers, but thefe diuelim Mafquers pafle vnder thefe names at fuch meetings, viz.

i The party that fetcheth in the Gull (whofe feathers they meane to pluck) is not called the

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Taker, but the Setter. 2 He that feconds him, keepes his firft Tytle & is called the Verfer. 3 He that loofeth his money, not a Cozen but a Cony. 4 He that comes / in and before counterfetted the dronken Bernard is now fober and called the Barnacle.

Sometimes likewife this Card-cheating, goes not vnder the name of Bernards I awe, but is called Batt fowling, and then ^ Setter is the Beater, the foole that is caught in the net, the bird, the Tauerne to which they repaire to worke the Feate, is the Bujh ; the wine the Strap, and the cardes the Limetwigf.

Thus haue I difcouered a ftrange Art, by which Conyes are caught after a new maner of hunting, and Cozens found out that were neuer of the kindred before. Thus the honeft farmer, {imply going about his bufinefTe, is ftripped of that money, which fhould further his law-fuites, and fo perhaps is ouerthrowne : Thus the Seruingman being fent with his lords treafure, is cheated and tourned out of feruice : Thus the prentice hauing his Maifters wealth in his hand, is robd (by tame theeues) and in the end driuen to run away or to dye in prifbn. Thus the Gentleman comming new to his land is made a begger. Thus the Merchant is vndone. Thus all men are abufed. Thus the common wealth is difhonored by feeding fuch

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vipers in her wombe, that cannot Hue but by gnawing out her bowels.

Vincents Law.

THe Dyeing cheator^ and the cozening Card- flayer^ walke in the habites of Gentlemen, and cary the faces of honeft men, So likewife doe thofe that are Students in the Vincents Lawe: whofe Inne is a Bowling Alley, whofe bookes are bowles, and whofe law cafes are lurches and rubbers. The paftime of bowles is now growne to a common exercife, or rather a trade of which fome of all companies are free ; the fport is not fo common as the cozenage vfed in it, which to haue it Hue with credyt and in a good name is called the Vincents Law.

In this Law they which play booty are the Banckers.

He that Eetteth is the Gripe. He that is cozened is the Vincent. The Gaines gotten is called Termage. The Bankers are commonly men apparelled like honeft and fub / ftanciall Citizens, who come into the Bowling Allies, for a rubbers or fo, as though it were rather for fport, then for any gaines, pro- tefting they care not whether they win or loofe : which carelefnes of theirs is but a madowe to their pretended knauerie : whilft they are crying

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Rub, Rub, & a Great one, In come the fpe&ators dropping one by one, and (land leaning ouer a Rayle to behold them ; of which oftentimes fome fimple men that neuer faw common Bowling Ally before may perhaps be of the number, and is brought in of purpofe by one of their owne Brotherhood to be rid of his money : if fuch a yong bird happen amongft them, and doe once but chirp, thats to fay either take or offer any lay, they all harken to his note, efpecially if he fing mrilly, thats to fay be deepe : if there be good ftore of Lookers on, then are there certaine olde foakers, whofe office is to doe nothing but liften for bets, either euen or od, & thefe are called Gripes ; which Gripes will refufe no Lay, if the ods may grow to their aduantage, for the Gripes & the Banckers are fworne brothers to the Diuell (their father in law) and y bowles haue fuch vertue in them that their byafles will directly ron, as the Gripes haue placed their Bets. The Bankers (albeit they fo play as if they minded nothing but their owne game) yet haue ftill an eare how the layes are made, and according to that leuell doe they throw their bowles, fo that be fure the bowlers play booty : for fuppofe 7 be vp for the game, and that the one fide hath 3. the other none, then the Vincent (who is the Nouice that ftandeth by, and is not acquainted with the tallents of thefe Gripes,

134 THE BEL-MAN

nor feeles not when they draw bloud of him, no nor doth not To much as carry an euill thought of the bowlers that they mould play booty, looking fo grauely and fo like to honeft men,) hee poore colt, feeing three to none, begins to grow lufty, and to offer oddes on that fide which is faireft for the game ; what ods faies the Gripe ? 3. to one cryes the Vincent : no fayes the Gripe it is more, and with that the Bankers are come to foure for none : then the Vincent offers to lay foure to one : I take fix to one faies the Gripe, I lay it cryes the Vincent , and fo they make a bet of fix crownes, millings, or pence, as the Vincent is of ability to lay, and thus will fondry take their oddes of him. On then goe the Bankers with the game and win another caft which is fiue for none ; at this / fooles fortune of his, the Vincent gryns for loy, fcratches his elbow, and is fo proud that no ground about the Ally can hold him, thinking verily both by the ods and goodnefTe of the play, it is impoffible for his fide to loofe, and therefore (beeing now foole-hardy) hee takes and layes bets freely : all eyes then greedely marking the euent of this ftorme ; At the length on a fuddaine, the Sun begins to mine on the other fide that were none, and they win perhaps fo long till they come to three for fiue, and ftill as their luck alters, diuerfitie of bets are layd ; till at laft they are fiue for fiue : and then

OF LONDON. 135

the Gripe comes vpon the Vincent, and offers him ods, which if the Vincent faften vpon, he loofeth all, for vppon what fide foeuer the Gripe layes, that fide euer wins, how great foeuer the oddes be at firft in the contrary part, fo that the cozenage growes in playing booty. This fowre banquet to the Vincent is feafoned with fweete meates to the Bankers & the Gripes ; who at night meete in fome Tauerne, and mare the money gotten by this bafe meanes, which money they call Termage.

Now to madow the villany the more, the Banker that wins and is aforehand with the game, wil lay franckly that he mail wyn, and will bet hard, and lay great ods : but with whome ? either with them who play with him that are as crafty knaues as himfelfe, or elfe with the Gripey and this makes the Vincet to ftoope to the blowe the fooner. Befides if any honeft men that hold themfelues fkilfull in bowling, offer to play any fet-match againft thefe common bowlers, if thefe Bankers feare to haue the worft, and fufpect the others play to bee better than theires, then haue they a trick (in watring of the Alley) to giue fuch a moifture to the banck, that he who offers to Strike a bowle with a more, mall neuer hit it whilft he Hues becaufe the moyfture of the banck hinders the proportion of his Ayming. Many other prac- tifes there are in bowling tending to cozenage, but

136 THE BEL-MAN

y greateft and grofeft is Booty : in which y deceipt is fo open & palpable, y I haue feene men ftone- blind offer to lay Eetts franckely, although they could fee a bowle no more then a poft, onely by hearing who played, and how the old Grypes had made their layes.

Thus fports that were inuented for honeft re creation, are by the wicked abufing of them, turned to mens confufion : And not / onely in thefe games before rehearfed, but alfo in thofe that are both more laudable, and more lawfull. For in the Tennis- court, Cheating hath a hand ; yea and in Shooting (which is the nobleft exercife of our Englifh Nation,) arrowes do now and then fly with falfe feathers. Since then that all kinds of gaming ferues but as gulphes to deuoure the fubftances of men, and to fwallow them vp in beggery, my councell is vtterly eyther to refraine fuch paftimes, or if men are of fuch Spirits that they muft needes venture their money, then to bee very prouident how they play, and to be choife of their company. Now let vs turne ouer the volumes of other Lawes, enacted in the Parliament of thefe Diuels.

The Blacke Art.

HAuing waded thus farre in thefe puddles of damn'd impiety, it mail not be amifTe to go on, and fearch euen to the bottome and

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'37

fartheft ftiore of them : to effecl: which the fooner, we muft now deale in the Blacke Art. It is not that Blacke Arty by which men coniure vp Spirits, and raife Diuels in Circles, to tell where money is hid, or whether goods that are ftolen are conuaied ; But this Blacke Art, is to fetch away money where it lyes, and to raife vp a fiend in a rich Mercers or Gold-fmiths (hop at midnight without the gib- rim of a (taring Coniurer. This Blacke Art workes in darknefTe as well as the other ; it deales with the Diuell as the other doth, and is as vnlawfull as the other is : if you will needs (in a word) know the mifticall meaning of 'This Blacke Art, it is called in Englifh Picking of Lockes, And this Engine of mifchiefe turnes vpon thefe 5. wheeles. Viz.

The Picklocke is called a Charme. He that watcheth if any body come, is the Stand. The tooles that doe the bufinefle are called Wrefters.

Picking of the locke is called Farfing. The gaines gotten is Pelfrey.

Now albeit that two perfons only are imployed in this Vndermining of a doore (viz. the Charme and the Stand) yet y burgulary is committed by other hands, which are in a readinefle to receiue the goods (when the houfe is entred) and to

j38 THE BEL-MAN

conuey / them in parcels away. The Charme, (who is y mailer of this black Art, goes like a coniurer, with a number of keyes & wrefts like fo many Pentacles] about him, which he calles pick locks, and for euery fundry fafhion they haue a fundry terme ; but being ignorant of their wordes of Art, I omit them ; only afTuring you thus much, that the Charme hath fuch cunning & fuch dex- teritie in opening a lock (and that without any great noife) that no ward whatfoeuer (be it neuer fo doubled) but flies back at his lugling with it. Some haue their inftrumets from Italy, made of Steele, fome are made here in England by Smithes jhat are partners and partakers in their villanous occupations. But howfoeuer, the 'Trade of Lock- picking may well be called the Black- Art, for none ftudy it, but thofe that for other mens goods haue fold their verie foules to the Diuell.

The Curbing Law.

The Black Art and the Curbing Law, are grounded both vpon the felfe fame pofitions : for the Black Art teaches how to breake open a lock, the Curbing Law how to hooke goodes out of a windowe; they both are workers in Iron, both are begotten in Idlenes, both Hue by villanie, and both die with infamy. A fmith is the maker and fetter up of thefe two trades, and the hangman is

Of LONDON. 139

the vtter vndoer of them. This Curbing Law fpreds it felfe into foure maine branches :

He that hookes is called the Curber.

He that playes the fpy is the Warpe.

The Hooke is the Courb.

The goodes are called Snapping*.

The Gin to open the windowe is a 'Tricker.

The office of the Curber is for the moft parte betimes in the mornings (at the difcharging of a watch) to be vp more earely than a noife of fhrugging fidlers ; and the hufbandry which hee followes, is in the day time to watch what fhops or windowes ftand fitteft for his trade, which if he finde ealily to bee opened, then the cony is in the purfute without much feretting : But if he muft take paines for his liuing, out come his Trickers, and then (as if hee were a brother of the Black Art) doth hee with thofe / Iron engines, cut a barre of Iron in funder, in fuch forte that fcarce the ftanders by mall heare him. The windowe being thus open, and that hee hath good hope to meete with fatte Snappings (or rich purchafe) the H^arp buttles to play his part, and watches with cats-eies in the darke, looking (like one a fquint, or as if he ftoode to catch hares) two waies, one to fpie who comes, the other to note what comes out at the window : to carry which away he is furnifhed with

140 THE BEL-MAN

a long cloake. But firft muft the Curber play his prize, and that is with an Iron about nine foote in length, at whofe end (being crooked) are three Tynes turned contrary, fo that they catch euery way, if any fnappings be within their reach. This hook (or Curb) is made with ioynts like an Ang ling rod, and in the day time is conueyed into the forme of a truncheon, and worne like a walking ftafFe, till night, when it is put to doe other feruice. Whatfoeuer the Curber with this angle fifties for and takes, the Warf beares it away, and he deliuers it either to a Broker or fome Bawd (for they all are of one feather,) of which Receiuers they haue as prefent money for it, as if they traded with Merchants. Then is there (belonging to this faculty) a Diuer, and he is iufl in the nature of a Curber, for as the one pradlifes his villany with a hooke, fo the Diuer workes his lugling feates by y help of a boy, (called a Figger) whom hee thrufts in at a cafement, being fo well ftudied that he hath the principles of the Black- Art, & can pick a lock if it be not too much crofle warded ; this Figgtr deliuers to the Diuer what fnappings he findes in the fhop or chamber.

OF LONDON.

The Prigging Law.

BEing weary with going thus farre on let vs now (fithence we haue ouertaken a horfeman) get vp and ride along with him. Yet now I looke vpon him well, it is more fafety and better policie to let him ride by himfelfe, for he rides circuite with the Diuell, and Derick muft bee his hoft, and Tiburne the Inne at which he will light This ranck-rider is of the Family of Knights-errant, or of thofe wandring Rogues that march in the firft files of my booke, his name is a P rigger, deriuing his title from his pracYize, which is called the Prig / ging Law, whofe grounds are the Cleanly and cunning ftealing of horfes.

This Prigging Arte runnes into fix riuers, all of them falling into one ftreame, and all of them flowing from one head.

He that fteales the horfe is called the Prigger.

The horfe is called a Prancer.

The feller away of the ftolne horfe is a Martar.

The Tolling-houfe is called Alhallowes.

The tiller is the Rifler.

The fureties at the toll -booke are called £>uerries.

A Prigger on foote is called a Trayler.

The Prigger if hee bee a lance man (that is to fay, one that is already horft) then rides he in ftate, attended by followers, who are either like his fer-

i42 THE BEL-MAN

uants in liueries, or in the habite of Gentlemen, or moft commonly in the mapes of Drouers : in this equipage doe they walke vp and downe medowes and paftures or other inclofed grounds, as if their purpofe were to buy cattell, whereas their eyes are onely bufied in noting horfes, that are worth the ftealing, and whether their heeles are fettred w horfe locks or no. This firft cirkle being drawne in y day time, the next night following our P rig gers fall to coniuring, and by the fpelles of the Black ;4rt, pick open the Tramelles or locks, & then like Battes or Owles away they fly ouer hedge and ditch out of thofe quarters. The owners in the morning may fmell out their footefteps & fee which way they are rid pott, but vnleffe the Diuell himfelfe either went with a candle & lanthorne before them, the Priggers would neuer be found, or elfe carried them on his back, and bid them to hold faft by his homes whilft he gallopped, it were not poflible to ouertake them. For this policie they vfe, if the P rigger fteale a horfe in Torke-fhire^ he felles him in Surrey , Kent or Sujfex ; and their Mar tars (fo called of hunting Marts or Faires) who receiue the at y Priggers handes, chop them away in fome blinde faires or other after they haue kept them a moneth or two, till the breath of the Hue and Crie be blowne ouer.

If the horfe be of any value, and much inquired

OF LONDON. 143

after, or cary fuch brands or eare-markes about him, that they canot put him off without danger, then doe thefe Priggers brand him with a crofle- / brand on the former, or take away his eare-marke, and fo keepe him at hard meate till he be perfectly recouered or elfe will they fell him in Cornewall, or Wales if he be fetched out of Cumberland^ Lincolne-fhire, Norfolke or Suffolke. But if the horfe be onely coloured and without Brandes, then haue they mifts to fpot them fo ftrangely, that a man fhall hardly know his owne horfe if he meete him ; as to marke a black horfe with faddle-fpots, or to ftar him in the forhead, and change his taile : the fecrets of which are not fit in print to be difcouered, left laying open the abufe, I mould teach fome how to practife it.

This is the life of the P rigger, who trauailes vp and downe the whole kingdome vpon his geldings of 20 and 40 pound price, and is taken for a man of good worth, by his outward mew, being (amongft his owne fraternity of horfe-ftealers) called a Prig ging lance -man. But he that borrowes a nag out of another mans pafture, and cares not fo he may get money for him, how he puts him away, onely to fupply his wants, is called a Trayler ; thefe Trailers trot vpon the hoofe, and are footemen, meane in apparell, though not meane in their theeuing trade : you mall haue them attired like

i44 THE BEL- MAN

plaine country grans, walking (like our thredbare gallants in Poules) in bootes wout fpurres, & fometimes without bootes, long ftaues on their neckes, and black buckram bags at their backs, as if they were Lawyers clients and carried letters vp and downe : But thofe buckram bags are the horfes wardrobe. In thofe bags doe thefe fneaking Traylers put faddle, bridle, fpurres, ftirrops, and ftirrop leathers ; all this hackney houmold ftuffe beeing made fo quaintly, that the deepe flop of a hofe is able to hide it : for the faddle is fafhioned without any tree, (yet hath it cantle & bolfters) but artificially quilted together with cloth and bumbaft, and with fuch foldes that it may eafily be wrapt vp in a little roome : the ftirrops goe with vices and ginnes, that one may put them into a paire of gloues, fo likewife doe the fpurres, and then a little white leather head ftall and feynes, with a fmall fcottim brake or fnaffle, all of them fo neatly framed, that a fmall bag will containe them. And looke how the Lance- man rides poft when hee fits vpon his prey, fo when the Trayler is in the faddle, away hee gallops as if euerie lade of feuen / nobles price were a winged Pegafus, felling him as farre off from the place where hee ftole him, as poflibly hee can.

Now becaufe thefe Priggers though they breake the Lawe in one point, yet they make it whole in

OF LONDON. 145

another ; and very orderly come to the Toll booke, bringing 2 (of their owne religion) ciuilly attired (fitting the place) who not only affirm but offer to depofe that they know the horfe to be his owne that fels it; yet are thefe caitifs no better then olde knights of the poft, y will periure thefelues for pots of Ale, & neuer faw perhaps either ^ P rigger or the Prancer before thefe wicked Elders, hailing for villanies beene banimed out of Weft- minfter Hall, or for their penuries flood and lofl their eares on the pillorie, retire themfelues into the Countrie, and profefTe this kind of life, being by the horfe-ftealers called (though they are farre vnworthy of fo good a name) Querries : leauing whom (with the horfemen their good Lords and mafters) either to an amendment of manners, or to the mercy of the Hangman, who muft teach them to ride this wodden curtail; let vs, becaufe wee are now lifting them out of the faddle, turne ouer a new leafe, and read a lecture in the Lifting Law.

The Lifting Law.

THe Lifting Law is not the Law of Porters, who Hue by Lifting^ and cry to one another, lend mee your hand when honeftly they are to carry a burthen for a penny, and fafely to deliuer it to the owner backe againe : but this law teacheth a kind of lifting of goods cleane away. In fuch D. in. 10

146 THE BEL-MAN

Liftings are three forts of Leauers vfed to get vp the baggage, viz.

He that firft ftealeth the parcell is called ¥he Lift.

He that receiues it is the Marker.

He that ftands without and carries it away, is the Santar.

The goods thus purchafed, is called Garbage : which Garbage is fometime plate, or lewels, fome- times pieces of veluet, fometimes cloakes or lawyers gownes, fometimes one thing, fometimes another.

The Practitioners of this Lifting Law, take feuerall degrees, for fome of them (and they are the Punies) are but Eaje Rogues, that / Hue by Lifting quart pots, platters, and fuch tram out of tipling houfes, vnder colour of fpending two or three pottes of Ale. Thefe are the Rafcallitie of this Heard. But the Gentleman Lifter walkes with his Marker at his heeles, as if he were a Country Gentleman of 500. a yeare, & comming into a Mercers or Gold-fmiths fhop, prefetly cafts by his cloake, (to colour his intents) the Marker (landing bare-headed not farre from him, his worfhip then cals for a bolt of Satten, Veluet, cloth of gold, or filuer, or any other of the richeft commodities, and not liking the pile, colour, or bracke, his eye muft haue the choice of more ; the Marker in the meane time whileft the Mercer

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is bufie and turnes his backe, hath the Garbage thruft towardes him by the Lifter, and conueies it vnder his cloake : the Sentar who walkes in the ftreete, pafling then in great hade by the doore, is called backe by the Marker ', as if he were fuch a Gentlemans, Knights, or Noble-mans feruant : but the Senter fweares he cannot ftay, the Marker tels him hee muft needes haue one word with him, and fo ftepping along with him fome part of the way, fecretly conueies the Garbage to the Sentar.

Other Lifts there are, that haunt Noble-mens houfes, at Marriages, or folemne Reuelings, in Chriftmas, and the Mais of companies when they make feafts, at which times they lift away goblets, or other pieces of plate, Napery, or any thing worth the ventring for.

Others ply Counfellours chambers, that are well cliented, and fit downe in the outer roomes like Country men, hauing blacke boxes by their fides, and papers in their handes : but their atten dance is not for counfell, nor to pay any fees, but to Lift away gownes, or cloakes, by the Rules of their owne Law. The like pare of Indentures doe they draw in mops, betweene Scriueners and themfelues.

Another more cunning then all thefe Liftings, is when in an euening, a Eat fowler walkes vp and downe the ftreetes. and counterfets that hee hath

148 THE BEL-MAN

let fall a ring, a lewell, or a peece of gold, requeft- ing fome Prentice, (when there is but one in the mop) to lend him his candle a while to find his lofTes, who fimply doth fo, but the Lifter poring a good while and not meeting with his ring, lets the candle in the end flip out of his fingers, and whileft the prentice fteps in to light it againe, the Sentar or he / himfelfe fteales what garbage they can finger, and are gone in the meane time.

You haue another kind of Lifter ', or more properly a cunning night mifter, and it is thus : You mail haue a fellow, that in an euening or night time, or fome time at noone dayes, as hee likes the company, and forts his opportunity, that will wilfully drop fometime a fpoone, other while a ring, or elfe fome peece of coyned money, as the likenes of gold, and filuer, and fo fpurning it afore them in the view of others, to the end they mould cry halfe part ; which he taking hold of, fayth, nay by my troth, what will you giue me & take it all? and fo fome greedy fooles offer thus much, thinking it gold, which the Lifter takes, as knowing it counterfeit, and fo are they cunny-caught.

Then is there a kind of Lift, who like a lugler doth all his feates of himfelfe, not caring for the helpe of others ; he goes attired like a Seruingman, booted and fpurd and dirtie as if hee had new ridden ; his haunts are the beft townes in the

OF LONDON. 149

countrie vpon market dayes, but moft commonly Faires : the birdes he watches for are Knights, Efquires, or Gentleme, that light at ^ greateft Innes, whither moft refort is ; who mall no fooner come from horfe, but this Lifter is readie to hold his ftirrop, or to walk his horfe, as officioufly as if he wore his cloth : So that to the Guefl he feemes to be one belonging to the houfe, and to the feruants of the houfe hee appeares to bee a follower of the Gentleman newly alighted. But the Guefl being departed from his Inne, to the towne or into the faire, backe comes this counter feit Blew-coate, running in all hafte for his mafters cloake-bag or portmantua, & cals to the oftler or chamberlaine by his name to deliuer it, becaufe fome things muft bee taken out for his Knight, or the Gentleman his maifter, that are in it. The prey is put (hereupon) into the Vultures tallants, and away flies he prefently to his neft, to feede and fat his rauenous gorge with the garbage which he hath gotten.

But what Nefts thinke you they flie to ? Marry to the houfe either of fome notorious trebble-chind baude (in whofe beddes commonly thefe Serpentes lie lurking) who keepes a tipling houfe, and brings vp yong frugs (vnder the colour of filling Kannes) that are harlots to the Lifts ; or elfe to the /hops of certaine Brokers, who traffick onely in this kind

150 THE BEL-MAN

of Merchandize, and / by bils of fale, (made in the name of Robin -Goodfellow and his crue,) get the goods of honeft Citizens into their hands, either detaining them fo long in their chefts till they be no more fought after, or elfe fo altering them that y Owners mall hardly know them. Thus the Lift and his mates prepare the lime-twigs and catch the bird, but the Eawde and Broker, eate the flefhe and giue the other onely the feathers.

The High Law.

ALL this while haue I read vnto you the beggarly law, and bafe common Lawes of Villany, by which the Out- Lawes of a kingdome, and Out-cafts of a well-gouerned Common-wealth, maintaine their damnable courfes. Now muft you caft vp your eyes and looke aloft, if you haue a defire to behold the picture of The High Law : which taketh that name from the high exploits that are acted by it: the Schollers that learne it are called High Lawyers ; yet they neuer walke to Weftminfter to pleade, though oftentimes they are called to the Barre, but then it is to haue them Hold vp their hands, that the Hangman may tell them their fortune. All the former Lawes are attained by wit, but the High Law ftands both ypon Wit and Manhood. For the High Law is nothing elfe but taking a purfe

OF LONDON. 151

by the High-way fide ', fo that to bee a good prac titioner in this Law, a man needs no more but a bold fterne looke, a good heart, and a good fword ; the cafes that he is to plead vpon, is onely Stand and Deliuer. All trauellers are fo beaten. to the trials of this Law, that if they haue but rode ouer Shooters Hill, or Salijbury Plaine, they are as perfect in the principles of it, as if they had beene 7. years in the company of High-Lawyers. The Counfell a High- Lawyer giues, is common, but his fees are vnreafonable, for he ftrips his Clients of all. The motions which hee makes are both in Terme and out of Terme ; I mall not need there fore to open any of his Cafes. But onely will tell you thus much, that this high-law is comprehended in fiue Volumes, viz.

The theefe that commits the Robbery, and is cheife clerke to Saint Nicholas, is called the High Lawyer.

He that fetteth the watch is a Scripper.

He that ftandes Centinell and does watch, is an Oke.

Hee that is robd, is the Martin.

When he yeildeth, it is called Stooping.

All the mires in England haue feene thefe High- lawe matters tryed, and therefore if any would know them or the profeflbrs of them to a haire, let him but ftep into the Old Baily at any Sefllons, and he (hall heare more.

152 THE BEL-MAN

¥ he Jacking Law.

I^He companion of a theefe is commonly a Whore ; it is not amifle therefore, to pinneon them together : for what the theefe gets the {trumpet fpends. The trade of thefe Tale bearers goes vnder the name of the Sacking-law ; and rightly may it be called facking, for as in the facking of a City, all the villanies in the world are fet abroach, fo when a Harlot comes to the facking of a mans wealth and reputation (for fhe befiegeth both together) me leaues no ftratagem vnpractifed to bring him to confufion. Weflminfter and Hoi- born haue chambers full of thefe ftudents of the Sacking-law. In Clerken-well, they had wont & are ftill well cliented : White Friers is famous for their meeting : The Spittle flourifhes with the yong fry, that are put to it to learne it. Sacks come to thefe milles euery houre, but the Sacking-lawe empties them fafter then a Miller grindes his bufhels of corne. He that hath a luft to practife this law, muft bee furnimed with thefe fiue bookes, viz.

The Baud, who if me be a woman is called a Pandareffe.

The Apple -Jquire, who is to fetch in wine.

The Whore, who is called the Commodity.

The Whore-houje, which is called a 1'rugging- place.

OF LONDOX. 153

Thefe fiue Authors are ib well knowne, and haue bin fo turned ouer leafe by leafe, that euery man (almoft) that Hues in fight of the fmoake of the Citie, hath them at his fingers ends ; or if he cannot, it is an eafie matter to finde them by a Table. I will onely refer you to the fuburbs. But there is a fecond part of this Sacking-law, and that inftructs Punckes to attire themfelues neatly in fummer euenings, and about ten or eleuen of the clock at night to walke vp and downe the moft peopled ftreetes of the citie, very foberly and gingerly, til y wine (by / one Gull or other) be offered, which with a little intreaty me takes ; but being in the midft of their bowles, or perhaps the filly cony being trayned home to a lodging, where he falles to Nibling ; in comes a Ruffian with a drawne rapier, calles the Punck (as me is) damned whore, afkes what Rogue that is, and what he does with his wife. The conclufion of all this counterfeit fwaggering being a plot betwixt this panderly ruffian and the whore to geld the filly foole of all the money hee hath in his purfe, and fometimes to make him (rather than his credit mould be called into queftion) to feale a bill or bond for other fums of money at fuch and fuch daies, and fo fend him packing, when he hath paide too deare for a bad dim of meate which he neuer tailed : the bafe Applefquire and his yong

154 THE BEL-MAN

miftrefle, laughing to fee what a woodcocke they puld, and iharing the feathers betweene them. But when fuch comedies (of the Sacking- Law) as thefe, are playd, then the Actors haue other names than are fet downe before, and thefe they be :

The whore is then called the tfraffick.

The man that is brought in, is the Simpler.

The Ruffian that takes him napping, is the Cro/biter.

The Figging Law.

THe Parliament of thefe hell-hounds, it feemes wil foone breake vp, for they ftand now onely vpon the laft lawe ; which they call Figging- Lawe : in making of which law, two perfons haue the chiefe voices, that is to fay, y Cut-purfe & the Pick-pocket, and all the branches of this law reach to none but them and fuch as are made free denizens of their incorporation. This Figging- Lawe (like the body of fome monftrous and terrible beaft) ftands vpon ten feete, or rather lifts vp proudly ten Dragon-like heads, the names of which heads are thefe. viz.

He that cuts the purfe is called the Nip.

He that is halte with him is the Snap, or the Cloyer.

The knife is called a Cuttle-bung.

OF LONDON.

'55

He that picks the pocket is called a Foift.

He that faceth the man, is the Stale.

The taking of the purfe is called Drawing. •

The fpying of this villanie is called Smoaking or Boiling.

The purfe is the Bung.

The money the Shelles.

The act doing, is called ftriking.

This Figging Lawe hath more quirkes and quiddities in it than any of the former ; it is as dangerous to meddle with as the High-law, in pleading of whofe cafes men are at Daggers drawing : the fchollers of this Art are cunning Sophifters, and had neede to haue more eies then two in one head, becaufe the Arguments they hold, and their bold villanies which they practife are argued vpon and iuftified to his teeth with whom they contend. The Foift and the Nipy (that is to fay, the Pocket diuer and the cut purfe) are pewfellowes together and of one religion, but differ in fome points. A purfe well lined is the wet Eele they both bob for, but they ftriue to catch it by the taile after feuerall famions. For the Nip workes with his knife, the Foift with his hand: the Nip cuts the purfe, the Foift drawes the pocket : both their occupations are taught them by the Diuell, yet they both brag of the excellencie of them, and are ready fomtimes to

156 THE BEL-MAN

ftab one another, about defending which is beft, for the Foifl counts himfelfe the better man, and therefore is called (by the liuery of his company) a gentleman Foift, and fo much fcornes the title of a cut purfe, y he weares not a knife about him to cut his owne meate, left hee be held in fufpition to be a Nipy which he efteemes the bafeft office in the whole Army of Cheaters.

Thefe fchollers of the Figging lawe, are infinite in number, their Colledge is great, their orders many, and their degrees (which are giuen to them by the Seniors of the houfe) very ancient, but very abominable.

The language which they fpeak is none of thofe which came in at the confufion of Tongues, for neither infidell nor Chriftian (that is honeft) vnder- ftandes it, but the Dialed is fuch and fo crabbed, that feuen yeeres ftudy is little enough to reach to the bottome of it, and to make it run off glib from the tongue : by meanes of this Gibrijh, they know their owne nation when they meete, albeit they neuer fawe one another before ; and fo conforme- able are they to the ordinances of the Brotherhoode, that whatfoeuer y wicked Elders amongft them mall prefcribe, Afium / eft, tis a lawe, and they will not breake it: yea not the proudeft of them dare be fo bold as to exercife his Art in any other place but in thofe that are appointed to him, nor

OF LONDON.

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once prefume to fet his foote into anothers walke, but by licence of thejigniory.

For that purpofe therefore, (as if a whole king- dome were theirs) they allot fuch countries to this Band of Foifts, fuch townes to thofe, and fuch a City to fo many Nips : whereupon fome of thefe Boote-halers are called Termers, and they ply Weftminfter hall. Michaelmas terme is their harueft and they fweat in it harder then reapers or hay-makers doe at their workes in the heate of fommer : no Counfellor, Attourney, Petifogger nor Sollicitor is vp earelier then they : nor at the hall fooner than they : when clients begin to come crowding in, Watermen ply not their fares more nimbly then the Nips and Foifts beftir themfelues to pick vp their melles : the hall and y old palace are their Hiues, and they worke in them like bees : y Exchequer chamber, Star-chamber, Kings-bench & Common pleas, & Chancery are y beds of flowers, to which they fly humming to & fro continually to fuck the honey of gold & filuer. If a poore client doe but (land by his Lawyer, whilft he is pleading, and drawes out his purfe to pay fees for counfell, or to the Court for difpatch of his bufi- nefte, thefe Furies are fure to bee at his elbowe watching (with hawkes eyes,) on which fide he puts vp his purfe ; to that fide they fly, and if their tallents ca but touch it, it is their owne. Others

158 THE BEL-MAN

of them haue all the flefh and fifli markets allowed them for their walkes, as Cheaffide, Eaft-cheape, the Shamble s, both Fiftiftreetes, the Stockes, and y Borough in Southwarke ; in which places thefe faithfull Stewards of Lucifers houfhold, cheapen all commodities, only to note, what money, wiues or feruants that come to buy, haue in their purfes, and where they put it vp, which beeing well obferued, the Stall plies his market, and followes him or her (whofe filuer is condemned) till they come to a prefTe of people, then does the Stall keepe a thrufting and a luftling, whilft in the meane time the Foift is either in their pocket or the Nip hath the purfe faft by the firings.

Others haunt Playhoufes only & the Beare- garden : fome haue their precincl: lying in the walkes of Poules, their houres of /meeting there being between 10 and u, y ftrokes they ftrike being fometimes in the middle lie if it be in Terme time, when y walkes are full, but molt comonly, at the doores of the Church, which they will choake, and ftriue for pafTage, whilft another does the feate. A running at TV//; the Lord Maiors day, any great mooting, any fray, any folemne arraignement, or execution, is better to thefe Hell hounds than a quarter day is to a Landlord or than 5 feflions are to the hangman. Yea fo feareles are thefe Diuells to be throwne headlong, & quick

OF LONDON. 159

into the pit of damnation, that euen in Gods owne houfe & the facred Temple, doe they defperately commit their villanies, (landing moft deuoutly with eies eleuated vp to heauen, before the preacher, where the prefle of people is thickeft, whilft their hads are nibling in honeft mens pockets for their purfes, who are careles of fuch worldly matters there, as not miftrufting that any fo bad-minded dare enter into fo holy a place. Thefe Nips and Foifts goe oftentimes cleanly away with the melles which they get, but oftentimes are they dogged by certaine followers (called Cloyers) who hang vppon them like Burres, and are more troublefome than wafpes : for no fooner is a Bung drawne, but the Cloyer fteps in for his Tenth, which hee calles Snappage; if the Nip denie Snappage the Cloyer forthwith Boyles him, that is, bewraies him or feafeth on his cloake.

You muft vnderftand like wife, that both of Nips and Foifts there are two fortes, for there be City Nips and country Nips, whofe office is to haunt nothing but Faires : thefe country Nips neuer come into London to doe any peece of -feruice, but at Bartholmewtide onely. Betweene thefe two fedls, is mortall enmity ; for if the City Foift fpy one of the country Foifts in London he forthwith labours and layes waite to fmoake or Boyle him, the like does the country Nip or Foift

160 THE BEL-MAN

by him of the City. There are alfo weomen Foifts and Nips afwell as men, but farre more dangerous then the men : All the troopes of bothfexes beeing fubiect to the difcipline of the Grand Nips & Foifts, and from whom, the better to receiue directions both what to doe, and what quar/ters to keepe (for they fhift their walkes according to the pleafure of the cheefe Rangers) they haue a certaine houfe, fometimes at one end of the towne fometimes at another, which is their hall ; at this Hall the whole company do meete/very orderly, by which meanes whenfoeuer any notable or workmanlike Stroke is ftricken, though it were as farre as the North-borders, yet can the reft of the Fig-boies here refident in London, tell by whom this worthy Act was plaid.

At this folemne meeting in their Hall, they choofe Wardens & a Steward : the Wardens office is to eftablifh wholefom lawes to keepe life in their rotten common wealth, and to affigne out to euery man his Stations. The Treafurers office is very truly (though he be an arrant theefe) to render an account of fuch moneies as are put into his hands vppon truft : for of euery purfe (that is cleanly conueied and hath good ftore of Shelles in it) a ratable proportion is deliuerd (in Banck as it were) to the Treafurer, to the intent that when any of them is taken and caft into prifon,

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a Flag of truce may prefently be hung out, and compofition offered to the wronged party, thereby to faue a brother of the fociety from riding Weft- ward. This had wont to be an order amongft them : But now the Vnder keepers of Newgate, (if complaint bee made to them for the lofTe of any purfe) haue a trick to get a warrant, into which warrant they put the names of 9 or ten of the moft notorious Foifts and Nips that are free of their Gaole (which they call Whittington Colledge,) and thofe Nips or Foifts doe the laylors nip, till the money (perhaps double) be reftored, albeit not one of them y are fpecified in the warrant were guilty of the fact : This trick doth greatly im- pouerifh the tradefmen of this myftery, and may in time vtterly ouerthrow the ftudents of the Figging Law.

The Fiue lumps at Leap-frog.

THe whole volume of thefe deteftable Lawes is now read ouer ; to catch a heate there fore after fo long fitting, let vs exercife our felues a while at a new play, called 'The fiue lumps at Leap-frog. The property of the game at Leap frog, is (as euery prentice and Carter knowes) for one man to ftoope, and to let another man come ouer him ; fo in thefe lumpes the running cheaters fweate only to make a man ftoope fo lowe, that

D. III. I I

162 THE BEL-MAN

they may breake his backe, and then they ride ouer his miferie with laughter.

The firft lump is called Horfe-courftng, and that is done thus : A fellow in good clothes and with an honeft face to the eie, hires of a carier a Nag. to ride along w him to Cambridge, Oxford, Nor wich, or any great towne of trade : but let the iourney be neuer fo long, this Rider will end it in a fornoone at moft ; for whilft the Carier is bufie about his teeme on the way and looking to his charge, my horfecourfer fteps afide into fome by-lane, and lights at fome paltry towne neere the citty where he will lie, till he haue in capons and wine eaten vp the Carriers beaft aliue ; and then departs on foote, fending the poore man word where his prancer ftands at rack and Manger, who if he will haue him muft difburfe forty millings or three pound for his lades diet. The Hackney-men of Rochefter haue been oftentimes come ouer with this lump at Leap-frog, and know the game well, for a man cannot name it but they are ready to giue it a curfe.

The fecond lump is called carying vi ft ones, and that is performed in this maner : A crue of Shark ing companions (of which there be fundry conforts lurking about the fuburbs of this City) being driuen out of meanes, by leading bafe and idle Hues, or elfe by their riotous expences amongft

OF LONDON. 163

whores, practife to Hue vpon the fee fimple of their wits ; & hauing amongft them all fome little money left (which they call their Shooing-horne) they feeke out fome blind victualling houfe, or Cookes houfe, without the barres, whofe Hod (if it be poflible) is either an afle eafie to be ridden, or elfe a common drunkard. In this Colts houfe will they fit carowfing halfe-cannes day and night, and pay royally at firft for what they call, that jhooing-horne of theirs drawing the Hoft and Hoftefle on to beleeue they mall be made for euer by thefe guefts; who to gull the poore Goofe-cap the better, draw all their acquaintance they can to ^ houfe, neuer either drinking or feeding, but mine Hoft muft fit at the bords end like a Magnifico in pomp, with his ale-dropt greafie doublet mining by candle light, as if it were an old rufty Armor fcuruily fcowred. But whe thefe Horfe-leeches haue fuckt their guts full, or rather the pitifully- complaining Hofts guts empty, that he findes by his fcores he can truft no more : then do they at one time or other talke of ftate matters, or of Religion, when the Goodman of the houfe can fcarce ftand on his legs vnder / his owne roofe, and trip him in fome words ; which the next day (beeing told of it, and the words iuftified to his face) he knowes he dares not anfwere ; with which hooke holding his nofe to the grind ftone, they

164 THE BEL-MAN

write their mind in great round Oes of chalke, behinde a doore, which Oes they call ftones : the waight of them beeing fuch that looke how many millings they make, fo many times the wretched Hofteffe cries O, as groning vnder the burden. Now Sir of thefe Oes, twenty millings make a loade, and ten pound make a Barge full : which when they haue well freighted, thefe Dunkirkes hoyft Saile and to Sea againe they goe in another vefTell ; to finde another Brafeman, that is to fay, into another tipling houfe to finde another lade whom they may all faddle and get vp vpon : if their laft Hoft follow them with a Bailefe or a Sergeant, they only hold vp a finger, naming a Purfeuant and cry Mum, no more mine Hoft, you wot what : which wordes are of more power to blow him away, then if they firde him thence with traines of gunpowder. By meanes of this lump, fome Victuallers haue leaped cleane out of doores and with the fall haue beene ready to lie in the ftreetes.

The third lump is called Fawning-, thofe that leape at it are Fawneguefts ; and that is done in the edge of an euening, when a Cheater meeting a ftranger in the darke and taking him for another, gets the ftranger by fome flight to a Tauerne, where calling for two pintes of fundry wines, the drawer fetting the wines downe with two cups, as

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the cuftome is, the lumper taftes of one pinte (no matter which) and findes fault with the wine, faying tis too hard, but rofe- water and fugar woul d fend it downe merrily ; and for that purpofe takes vp one of the cuppes, telling the ftranger he is well acquainted with the Boy at the barre, and can haue two peny worth of rofewater for a peny of him, and fo fteps from his feate ; the ftranger fus- pecting no harme becaufe the Fawne-gueft leaues his cloake at the end of the table behinde him. But this lump comming to be meafured, it is found that he that went to take his rifing at the barre, hath ftolne ground and out-leaped the other more feete than he can recouer in hafte, for the cup is leaped away with him, for which the woodcock that is taken in the fprindge, muft pay fifty millings or three pound, and hath nothing but an /old thredbare cloake not worth 10 groates to make amends for his lofles.

The fourth lump is called Foletaking ; and that is done feuerall waies, fometimes by fetting a couple of futtle rogues to flng ballads on a ftall, till a number of people prefTe about them to buy their tram, and then their purfes being difcouered, are^quickly in the Nips fingers. Others are Foole- taken by letting chambers to fellowes like feruing- men, in the name of fuch an Efquire, or fuch a Knight, or fuch a Captaine new come fro the low

1 66 THE BEL-MAN

countries, bringing in a trunck exceeding heauy, and crambd full of brick-bats, which is left in the hired chamber, & fiue times the value of it lifted away in ftead of it. With this lump, many maid- feruants, and their wealthy Maifters haue beene ouer-reached by counterfeit kinfemen that haue brought a cheefe or a gammon of Bacon to the poore wench, claiming kinred of her whether me will or no, and afterwards beeing (for his cheefe and bacon) inuited to the Citizens table, haue in the night time taken away plate, or other com modities in exchange of his white-meates.

The fift lump, is called Spoone-meate, and that is a mefle of knauerie ferued in about Supper time in the edge of an euening likewife : It is done thus : A filly fellow in mew, attired like a clowne* fpurnes (being nere fome candle that ftads on a ftall) a paper before him, in which is wrapt vp a fpoone : taking vp which and looking on it by the light, and making it knowne (by his loud talking & wondring what he hath found) that he tooke it vp by chance, people flock about him, and imagine it is a filuer and guilt fpoone, for it lookes very faire, but he feeming to be an innocent coxcomb, knowes not, hee faies what hee fliould doe with fuch a gew-gawe ; whereupon euery one is catching at it, and offers him money for it : he wifhes he had rather found money than fuch a

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bable, for he eates not his pottage in plate ; in the end fome Fox amongft all the Cubbes that ftand about him, whifpers in his eare, to haue it from all the reft and thrufts a crowne priuily into his hand. The lumper takes it, and fneakes away, the other gets home as faft as he can, longing till he call his wife, all his houmold and neighbors about him, to fhewe what a penyworth / hee met with ; but the gilt fpoone comming to be tried of what mettall hee is made, the poore mans money prooues copper, and hee himfelfe is laughed at for a Coxcomb.

How long (hall I faile vpon thefe godlefle waters? Is it not time to get to fhore? Is it not fit that I mould now found a retreate and not weary my pen in the execution of fuch bafe and barbarous minded Caitiefs? What a battaile haue I vndertaken? and with what an ignoble enemie ? to contend with whom is an act in glorious, and to conquer whom, (but that they are open and profeffed foes to the Republick, to \ honefty, to ciuility, and to all humanity) were afmuch dimonor, as by them to be ouercome? Who would imagine that in a Kingdom fo fertile in all forts of wholefome difcipline, there fhould grow vp fuch ranck and fuch peftilent beds of hemlock : that in the very hart of a ftate fo rarely gouerned & dieted by good lawes, there fhould

1 68

THE BEL-MAN

breede fuch loathfome and fuch vlcerous impos- tumes ? that in a City fo politick, fo ciuill, and fo feuere, fuch vgly, bafe, and bold impieties dare fhew their faces ? What an Army of infufferable Abujes, deteftable Vices, moft damnable Villanies, abominable Pollutions^ inexplicable Mif chief es, for did Inquinations, horrible and He I - hound- like - perpetrated flagitious enormities haue beene here miniftred together? vnder what diuellim com manders are they conducted? what colors of damnation doe they fight vnder? what difmal Enftgnes doe they fpred? what forces doe they bring into the field ? how full of courage they are ? how full of cunning ? how politick are the Ringleaders of thefe Paries ? how refolute are all y troopes? what ftrange Armor haue they (of fubtiltie, & defperate boldnes) to encounter and fet vpon their oppofites? what Artillery haue they to batter downe Order, Law, cuftome, plaine dealing, and all the goode guards and defences of Gouernement ? What remaineth therefore, (in an aflault fo dangerous to a Common wealth, and fo hotly and daily profecuted,) but that luftice her felfe muft come into the field, leading with her all her forces? That the Triple Body of the ftate may knit all their Nerues together and fit in Counfell, fetting downe ftratagems and lawes how to race for euer (out of fo noble a Kingdome) fuch / rebels

OF LONDON. 169

to the peace and honour of it : That the Reuerend Judges may (out of a deteftation of the Hues of thefe monfters) lock vp their eies and eares from pitty, when any of thefe Sauages are caught and brought before them : That all inferior minifters of luftice, may be vigilant, faithfull and feuere in hunting them into Gaoles, that are the fitted toyles for them to fall into, and that the hang man may not lie lazing & complaine for want of worke, fo many infected bodies being to bee found in euery corner of the Land, whom no medicine can cure, but the phyfick which hee beftowes vpon him at the Gallowes ? Where I leaue them, as to the hauen in which they muft all caft anchor, if Dericks Cables doe but hold, (and vnlefle they amend.) Giue thankes to The Eel-man of London^ if either profit or pleafure bee gained by the Difeouerie.

FINIS./

XI.

"" LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.,

1609.

NOTE.

See note before the preceding • Bel-man ' book ; and our Memorial- Introduction. — G.

LANTHORNE

and Candle-light.

OR,

The Bell-Mans fecond Nights-walke.

In which

He brings to light, a Brood of more ftrange Villanies then euer were till this yeare difcouered.

Decet nouiffe malum, fecijfe, nefandum. The fecond edition, newly corrected and amended.

LONDON

Printed for lohn Bufby, and are to be folde at his /hop in Fleete- flreete, in Saint Dunftanes Church-yard. 1609.

A Table of all the Matters, that are contained in this Booke.

Chap. I. Of Canting.

1 What matters were tryed at a Tearme

that was in Hell.

2 The proceedings of that court.

Chap. II.

3 A counfell held in Hell about the Bell

man*

Chap. III. Of Gull-grop ing.

Chap. IV. Of Ferreting^

4 A meflenger fent from thence, with inftructions.

How Gentlemen are cheated at Ordin aries.

To furnifh which feaft, thefe Guefts are bidden, viz,

The Leaders. The Forlorn Hope The Eagle The Wood-pecker

The Gull The Gull-groper. How Gentlemen are vndone by taking vp Commodities.

A Tumbler

Which Tragaedy hath thefe fiue acts,

viz.,

Purfenettes A Ferret Rabbet -fuckers A Warren.

TABLE OF CONTENTS.

Of Hawking.

How to catch Birdes by the Booke.

'A Falconer Which is done

with fiue Nets. viz.,

Chap. V. Which is done A Lure

A T'ercell Gentle A Bird

Mongrell. Chap. VI. Of laches of the Clocke-houfe.

How Inne-keepers and Hackney men are

fadled. Chap. VII. Of Ranch- Ryders.

Chap. VIII, Chap. IX.

Chap. X. Of lynglers.

Chap. XI. ^

Who confift of

Chap XII.

To make whome (•"

\ A goe a round paceJ J

you muft haue, Of Moone-men.

The infedlion of thzjuburbes. Villanie of Horfe-Courfers. (lynglers Drouers Goades Skip-Iackes. Of lacke in a Box, or a new kinde of cheating, teaching how to change Golde \r\toftluer, vnto which is added a Map, by which a man may learne how to Trauell all ouer England, & haue his charges borne.

/ The Bel-mans fecond Nights walke, j in which hee meetes with a number of (Monfters that Hue in Darkeneffe.

To the verry worthy Gentleman Maifter Francis Muftian of Peckam.

T may (happily) feeme ftrange vnto you, that fuch an army of Idle-words fhould march into the open field of the world vnder the Enfigne of your Name : (you beeing not therewith made acquainted till now) you may iudge it in me an Error, I my felfe con- feffe it a boldnefTe. But fuch an ancient & ftrong Charter hath Cuftome confirmed to This Printing age of ours, (by giuing men authoritie to make choice of what Patrons they like,) that fome Writers do almoft nothing contrary to ^ cuftome, and fome by vertue of that Priuiledge, dare doe any thing. I am neither of that firfl order, nor of this laft. The ojie is too fondly-ceremonious, the other too impudently audacious. I walk in the midft (fo well as I can) betweene both : with fome fruites that haue growne out of my Braine, haue I bin fo farre from being in loue, that I thought them not worthy to be tailed by any

D. 111.

12

i;8 THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE.

particular friend, & therefore haue they bin ex- pofed only to thofe that would entertain them : neither did I thinke the Fair eft that euer was Mine, fo worthy, that it was to be lookd vpon with the Eye of vniuerfal cenfure. Two forts of mad-men trouble the ftationers mops in Paules Church-yard : they that out of a Meere and Idle vaine-glory will euer be Pamphleting (tho their bookes beeing printed are fcarfe worth fo much Browne paper), and this is a very poore, and foolifh ambition : Of the other fort are they that beeing free of Wits Merchant-venturers, do euery new moon (for gaine onely) make 5. or 6. voiages to the Prejfe, and euery Term-time (vpon Bookfellers ftalles) lay whole litters of blinde inuention : fel- lowes y (if they do but walke in the middle He) / fpit nothing but ynck, and fpeake nothing but Poeme. I would keepe company with neither of thefe two mad-men, if I could auoid them, yet I take the laft to be the wifeft and lefTe dangerous : for (ithence al the arrowes that men moote in the world, flye to two marks only (either pleafure_ or jprofit) he is not much to be codemned that hauing no more Acres to Hue vppon then thofe that lie in his head, is euery houre hammering out one peice or other out of this rufty Iron age, fithence the golden and filuer Globes of the world are fo locked vp, that a Scholler can hardly be fuffred to behold

THE EPISTLE DEDICA TORIE. 1 79

them. Some perhaps wil fay, that this lancing of the peftilent fores of a Kingdome fo openly, may infect thofe in it that are found, and that in this our fchoole, (where clofe abufes / & grofe villanies are but difcouered and not punimed) others that neuer before knew fuch euils, wil be now inftrucled (by the booke) to practife them. If fo, then let not a traitor, or a Murderer be publikely arraigned, left the one laying open to the world, how his plots were wouen to contriue a treafon, or the other, what pollicies he was armed with, for the Jhedding of blood, the ftanders-by (that are honeft) be drawn (by their rules) to run head-long into the fame mifchiefe : no, Our ftrong phificke works otherwife. What more makes a man to loath that Mongrel! MadneJJe (that halfe Englifh, halfe Dutch finne) Drunken- neffe, then to fee a common Drunkard JJ&ing his Scenes in the open ftreete? Is any Gamefter fo foolim to play with falfe Dice, when he is aflured that al who are about him know him to be a Sworne Cheator ? Tjh^ Jetting therfore of Vice bloodjn thefe feuerall Veines, which the Eel-man hath opend, cannot by any ludicial rules of phificke, endanger the Bodie of the Common wealth, or make it feeble, but rather reftore thofe parts to perfect ftrength, which by diforder haue ben difeafed.

1 80 THE EPISTLE DEDICA TORIE.

Giue mee leaue to lead you by the hand into a Wildernejfe (where are none but Monfters^ whofe crueltie you need not feare, becaufe I teach the way to tame them : vgly they are in fhape and \ diuelifh in conditions : yet to behold them a far off, may delight you, and to know their quallities (if euer you mould come neere them) may faue you from much danger.) Our Country breedes no Wolues nor Serpents, yet fheije ingender here, and are either Serpents or Wolues^ or worfe then both : what foeuer they are, I fend vnto you not the Heard of the one, or the Bed of the other, but only a Picture of either. View them I pray, and where the cullours are not well layde on, fhadow them with your finger : if you fpy any disproportion,"] thus excufe it, fuch Painting is Jit for Monfters : 3 How rudely foeuer the Peece is drawne, call it a Picture. And when one more worthe your viewe lies vnder the workemans pencil, this Bad-one mall bring you home a Better : In the meane time, I ceafe, and begin to be (if you pleafe)

All yours, THOMAS DEKKER.

To fny owne Nation.

Readers,

Fter it was proclaimed abroad, that (vnder the condudl of the Bel-man of London,) new forces were (once more) to bee leauied againfl certains Wilde and Barbarous Rebells, that were vp in open armes again/I the Tranquilitie of the Weale publique ; // cannot bee tolde^ what numbers of voluntaries offred themjelues dayly to fight againfl

Jo common, Jo bolde,fo flrange^ and Jo dangerous an enemy. Light Horfe-men came in hourely^ with difcouerie where theje Mutineeres lay intrenched: deliuering (in brief e notes of intelligence ) who were their Leaders, how they went Armed, and that they

Jerued both on Horfe & Foot ; only their Strengthes could not bee dijcryedy becauje their Numbers were held infinite. Tet inftruRions were written and

Jent euerie minute by thoje that were ' Fauourers of GoodneJJe fliewing what Militarie Difciplines the

foe vfed in his Battailes, and what Forts (if hee were put at any time to flight) he wold retire to ;

182 TO MY OWltE NATION.

what ftratage ms hee would praffize and where he did determine to lye in Ambufcado. 'They that could not Jerue in perjon in This Noble quarrell^/ their Auxiliary Forces, well armed with CounJelL So that the Bel-man (contrarie to his owne hopes,) feeing himjelfe Jo firongly and ftrangely Jeconded by friends, doth now brauely aduance forward in maine battalion. 'The day of encounter is appointed to be in this Michaelmas Tearme. 'The place, Paules Chur[c]h-yard, Fleeteftreet, and other parts of the Cittie. But before they ioyne, let me giue you note of one thing, and that is this.

There is an Vfurper, that of late hath taken vppon him the name of the Bel-man, but being not able to maintaine I that 'Title, hee doth now call himjelfe the Bel-mans brother: his ambition is (rather out of vaine glorie then the true courage of an Experienced Soldier) to haue the leading of the Van, but it fhall be honor good enough for him (if not too good) to come vp with the Rere. You ftiall know him by his Habiliments, for (by the furniture he weares) hee will bee taken for a Beadle #/* Bride well. // is thought he is rather a Newter than a friend to the cauje : and therefore the Bel- man dooth heere openly proteft that he comes into the field as no fellow e in armes with Him.

Howfoeuer it be flrucke, or whojoeuer giues the firft blow, the vittorie depends vpon the vallor of you

TO MY OWNE NATION.

183

that are the Winges to the Bel-mans army; for which conqueft he is in hope you will valiantly fight ^ fithence the quarrel is againfl the head of monftrous abufeSy and the blowes which you muft giue are in defence of Law, luftice, Order, Ceremony, Religion, Peace, and that honorable title of Goodnefle.

Saint George / / fee the two Armies mooue forward: and beholde^ the Bel-man himfelfe firft chargeth vfpon the face of the Enemy. Thus :

To the Author.

[Ow e're thou maift by blazing all Abufey Incurre fufpect, thou fpeak'ft what thou

haft prou'd, (Tho then to keepe it clofe it thee

behou'd,

So, Reafon makes for thee a iuft excufe) Yet of thy paines the Eeft may make good vfe ; Then of the Bejty thy paines fhould be approu'd, And for the fame of them mouldft be belou'd. Sith thou of Falfehoods Floud do'ft ope the Sluce, That they at wafte continually may runne, By mewing men the Reaches that they haue, That honeft men may fo or'e-reach a Knaue, Or found their fwallowing Deepes, the fame to

fhunne :

But if from hence, a Knaue more cunning growes, That Spider fucks but poifon from thy Rofe.

'Thy friend if thine owne, lo: Da:

To his Friend.

Vice, whofe Counter-mine a ftate con founds, Worfe then Sedition : of thofe Mortall

Woundes Which (throughly fearch'd) doe Kingdomes hearts

endanger :

Of Plagues that o're run Citties : of thofe ftranger Big-fwolne Impoftumes, poifning the ftrong health Of the moft Sound, beft Dieted Common-wealthy Thou tell'ft the Caufes, and doeft teach the Cure, By Medicine well-compounded, cheape, and fure : And (as One read in deepe Chirurgery,) Draw'ft of thefe Eulls, the true Anatomy. Then, on thy Plainnejfe let none lay reproofe, Thou tak'ft Sinnes heigth (as men doe ftarres) aloofe.

M: R:

To my induftrious friend.

IN an ill 'Time thou writ'ft, when Tongues

had rather Spit venome on thy lines, then from

thy labours

(As Druggifts doe from poifon) medicine gather ; This is no Age to crowne Defer t with Fauors. But be thou Conftant to thy felfe, and care not What Arrowes Mallice fhootes : the Wife will

neuer

Blame thy Lowd tinging, and the Foolifh dare not : None elfe but Wolues will barke at thine Endeuor. When thou (in thy dead Sleepe) lieft in thy Graue, Thefe Charmes to after- Ages vp fhall raife thee ; What heere thou leau'ft, aliue thy Name mall faue, And what thou now difpraifeft, mall then praife

thee.

Tho, Not to know ill, be wife Ignorance, Yet thou (by Reading Euill) doeft GoodneJJe teach, And, of abufe the coullors dooft aduance Onely vpon abu re to force a breach : The honor that thy pen mall earne thereby, Is this : that tho Knaues Liuey their flights (Here) dye.

E: G:

Lanthorne & Candle-light,

Or

The Bell-mans Jecond Nights walke.

Of Canting,

How long it hath beene a language : how it comes to bee a language : how it is deriued, & by whom it is fpoken.

CHAP. I.

\

Hen all the World was but one Kingdome, all the People One language in that Kingdome fpake «dtt but one language. A the be«i^««- man could trauell in thofe dayes neither by Sea nor land, but he mett his Country men & none others.

Two could not then ftand gabling with ftrange tongues, and confpire together (to his owne face) how to cut a third mans throat, but he might

i88 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

vnderftand them. There was no Spaniard (in that Age) to Braue his enemy in the Rich and Lofty Caftilian : no Romaine Orator to plead in the Rethoricall and Fluent Latine : no Italian to court his Miftris in the fweete and Amorous 'Thufcane : no French-man to parley in the full and ftately phrafe of Orleans : no Germaine to thunder out the high and ratling Dutch : the vnfruitfull crabbed Irifli, and the Voluble fignificant Welch, were not then fo much as fpoken of: the quick Scottifli Dialed (fitter to the Englifti) had not then a tongue, neither were the ftringes of the Englifh fpeech (in thofe times) vntyed. When /me firft learn'd to fpeake, it was but a broken language : the fingleft and the fimpleft Words flowed from her vtterace : for me dealt in nothing but in Mono- fillables, (as if to haue fpoken words of greater length would haue crackt her Voice) by which meanes her Eloquence was poorer!, yet hardeft to learne, and fo (but for neceffity) not regarded amogft Strangers. Yet afterwards thofe comparable u> Nobleft Languages lent her Words and

the best. , . " "~.'~ r _.

phrazes, and turning thofe Borrowings into Good hujbandry, fhee is now as rich in Elocution, and as aboundant as her prowdeft & Eeft-ftored Neighbors.

Whilft thus (as I faid before) there was but one Alphabet of Letters, for all the world to Read

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 189

by, all the people that then liued, might haue wrought vpon one peece of worke in countries farre diftant a funder, without miftaking one another, and not needing an interpreter to runne betweene them. Which thing Nymrod (the firft Idolater,) perceiuing, and not knowing better how to imploy fo many thoufand Millios of Subiefts as bowed before him, a fire of Ambition burn'd within him, to climbe vp fo high that hee might fee what was done in heauen : And for that purpofe, workmen were fummoned from all the corners of the Earth, who prefetly were fet to Build the Tower of Babell. But the Maifter workema of this Great Vniuerje, (to Building of check the Infolence of fuch a Sawcie Dabeil' builder) that durft raize vp Pynnacles, equall to his owne (aboue), commanded the felfe-fame Spirit that was both bred in the Chaos and had mainteind it in diforder, to bee both Surueyor of thofe workes and Comptroller of the Labourers. This Mejfenger was called Confufion. It was a Spirit fwift of fight, & faithfull of feruice. Her lookes wilde, Confusion terrible and inconftant. Her attire, care- described- lefly loofe, and of a thoufand feuerall coulors. In one hand fhee grip'd a heape of ftormes with which (at her pleafure) fhe could trouble y waters: In the other me held a whip, to make three Spirits that drew her, to gallop fafter before her :

1 90 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

the Sprits names were / Treafon, Sedition, & War, who at euery time when they went abroad, were ready to fet Kingdomes in an vproare. She roade vpon a Chariot of Clowdes, which was alwayes furnifhed with Thunder, Lightning,, Winds, Raine, Haile-ftones, Snow, & all the other Artillery be longing to the feruice of Diuine Vengeance, & when me fpake, her Voyce founded like the roaring of many 'Torrents, boyftroufly ftrugling together, for betweene her lawes did me carry 1000000. tongues. This ftrange Linguift, ftepping to euery Artificer

Beginning of ^at was tnere at worke, whifpred in languages. ]^ eare . wnofe lookes were there-vpon

(prefently) fild with a ftrange diftraclion : and on a fuddaine whilft euery man was fpeaking to his fellow, his language altred, and no man could vnderftand what his fellow fpake. They all ftared one vpon another, yet none of them all could tell wherefore fo they ftared. Their 'Tongues went, and their hands gaue action to their Tongues : yet neither words nor action were vnderftood. It was a Noife of a thoufand founds, and yet the found of the noife was nothing. Hee that fpake, knew hee fpake well : and he that heard, was madde that the other could fpeake no better. In the end they grew angry one with another, as thinking they had mocked one another of purpofe. So

LANTI1ORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 191

that the Mafon was ready to flrike the Bricklayer, the Bricklayer to beate out the braines of his Labourer: the Carpenter tooke vp his Axe to throw at the Caruer, whilft the Caruer was ftab- bing at the Smith, becaufe hee brought him a Hamer when he fhould haue made him a Chizzell. He that called for Timber, had Stones laide before him, & when one was fent for Nailes, he fetcht a 'Tray of Mortar.

Thus Babell fhould haue beene raized, and by this meanes Babell fell. The Frame could not goe forward, the ftufFe was throwne by, the workemen made hollyday. Euery one packd vp his tooles to be gone, yet not to goe the fame way that he came : but glad was he, that could meete another, whofe fpeech hee vnderftood : for to what / place foeuer he went, others (that ran madding vp and downe) hearing a man fpeake like themfelues, followed onely him : fo that they who when the worke began were all countrimen, before a quarter of it *was finimed, fled from one another, as from enemies & ftragers : And in this maner did Men at the firft make vp natios : thus were words coynd into Languages, & out of thofe Languages haue others beene molded fince, onely by the mixture of nations, after kingdomes haue been fubdued. But I am now to fpeake of a People & a Language, of both which (many

192 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

thoufands of yeares fince that Wonder wrought at Eabell) the world till now neuer made men tion : yet confufion neuer dwelt more amongft any Creatures. The Bell-ma (in his firft Voyage The Beiimam which ne made for Difcoueries) found first booke. them {-Q bee Jauages, yet liuing in an Hand very teperate, fruitfull, full of a Noble Nation, and rarely gouerned. The Lawes, Maners and habits of thefe Wild-men, are plainly fet downe, as it were in a former painted 'Table. Yet leaft happily a ft ranger may looke vpon this fecond Pifture of them, who neuer beheld 'The fir ft y it fhal not bee amifle (in this place) to repeate ouer againe the Names of all the Tribes into which they Diuide themfelues, both when they Serue abroad in the open fields, and when they lye in garrifon within Townes & walled Citties.

And thefe are their Rankes as they ftand in order, viz.

Rufflers.

Vpright-men.

Hookers, alias Anglers.

Roagues.

Wilde Roagues.

Triggers of Prancers.

Paillards.

Praters.

Prigges.

Swadders.

Curtails.

Irifh Toyles.

Swigmen.

larkmen.

Patricoes.

Kinchin-Coes.

LANTIIORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 193

Abra / ham-men. Mad Tom alias of Bed lam.

Whip-Iackes. Counterfet Crankes. Dommerats.

Glymmerers.

Bawdy-Baflcets.

Autem Morts.

Doxies.

Dells.

Kinchin-Morts.

Into thus many Regiments are they now deuided: but in former times (aboue foure hundred yeares now paft) they did confift of fiue Squadrons onely.

1. Curfitors, alias Vagabondes.

2. Fay tors.

viz. 3. Robardfemen.

4. Draw-latches.

5. Sturdy Beggars.

And as thefe people are ftrange both in names and in their conditions, fo doe they fpeake a Language (proper only to thefelues) called canting, Ofcanting. which is more ftrange. By none but Howlong- the fouldiers of Theje tottred bandes is it familiarly or vfually fpoken, yet within lefle than fourefcore yeares (now paft) not a word of this Laguage was knowen. The firft Inuentor of it, was canting hath hang'd ; yet left he apt fchollers behind Thbeinfi;st<tn- him, who haue reduced that into Methode, ter *™^ which he on his death-bed (which was a paire of gal- lowes) could not fo abfolutely perfect as he defired.

D. HI. 13

194 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

It was necefTary, that a people (fo faft increafing, & fo daily pradlifing new & ftrange Fillanies), fhould borrow to themfelues a fpeech, w (fo neere as they could) none but themfelues fhould vnder- ftand : & for that caufe was this Language, (which fome call Pedlers Freeh,) In-

How canting ^ , , ,. , , .. .

grew to be a ueted, to th intent that (albeit any Spies fhould fecretly fteale into their copanies to difcouer the) they might freely vtter their mindes one to another, yet auoide y' dager. The Language therefore of canting, they ftudy euen from their Infancy, that is to fay, from the very firft houre, that they take vpon them the names of Kinchin Goes, till they are grown Rufflers, or V fright meny which are the higheft in degree amongft them.

This / word canting feemes to bee deriued from the latine verbe (canto) which fignifies in Englifh, to fing, or to make a found with words, thats to fay to fpeake. And very aptly may canting take his deriuatio a cantando, from finging, becaufe amongft thefe beggerly conforts that can play vpon no better inftruments, the language of canting is a kinde of mufkke, and he that in fuch affemblies can cant beft, is counted the beft Mufitian.

Now as touching the Dialed or phrafe it felfe, I fee not that it is grounded vpon any certaine

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 195

rules ; And no meruaile if it haue none, for fithence both the Father of this new kinde of Learning, and the children that ftudy to fpeake it after him, haue beene from the beginning and ftil are, the Breeders and Nori/hers of a bafe diforder, in their lining and in their Manners : how is it poflible, they fhould obferue any Method in their fpeech, and efpecially in fuch a Language, as ferues but onely to vtter difcourfes of villanies?

And yet (euen out of all that Irregularity vnhanfomnefle, & Fountaine of Barbarifme) jip they draw a kinde of forme : and in fome wordes, (afwell fimple as compounds) retaine a certaine falte, tafting of fome wit and fome Learning. As for example, they call a cloake (in the canting tongue) a Togeman, and in Latin, 'Toga fignifies a gowne, or an vpper garment. Pannam is bread : & Pants in Lattin is likewife bread, cajjan is cheefe, and is a worde barbaroufly coynd out of the fubftatiue cafeus which alfo fignifies a cheefe. And fo of others.

Then by ioyning of two fimples, doe they make almoft all their compounds. As for The Dialect example: Nab (in the canting tongue) ofcantins- is a head, & Nab-cheate, is a hat or a cap, Which word cheate beeing coupled to other wordes, ftands in verry good ftead, and does excellent feruice : For a Smelling cheate, fignifies a Nofe : a Prat-

1 96 LANTHORNE A ND CA A DLE- LIGHT.

ling chete, is a tongue. Grafting chetes, are teeth : Hearing chetes are Eares : F ambles are Hands : and therevpon a ring is called a Fabling chete. A Muffling chete, fignifies / a Napkin. A Belly chete, an Apron : A Grunting chete, a Pig : A Cackling Chete, a Cocke or a Capon : A Quacking chete, a duck : A Lowghing chete, a Cow : A. Bleating chete, a Calfe, or a Sheepe : and To may that word be marryed to many others befides.

The word Coue, or Cofe, or Cuffin, fignifies a Man, a Fellow, &c. But differs fomething in his propertie, according as it meetes with other wordes : For a Gentleman is called a Gentry Coue, or Cofe : A good fellow is a Bene Cofe : a Churle is called, a £>uier Cuffin ; Quier fignifies naught, and Cuffin (as I faid before) a man : and in Canting they terme a luftice of peace, (becaufe he punifheth them belike) by no other name then by Quier cujfin, that is to fay a Churle, or a naughty man. And fo, Ken fignifiing a houfe, they call a prifon, a §>uier ken, thats to fay, an ill houfe.

Many peeces of this ftrange coyne could I fhew you, but by thefe {mail ftampes, you may iudge of the greater.

Now becaufe, a Language is nothing els, then heapes of wordes, orderly wouen and compofed together : and that (within fo narrow a circle as

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 197

I haue drawne to my felfe) it is impoflible to imprint a DicJionarie of all the Canting phrafes : I wil at this time not make you furfet on too much, but as if you were walking in a Garden, you mail openly pluck here a flower, and there another, which (as I take it) will be more delightfull then if you gathered them by handfulls.

But before I lead you into that walke, ftay and heare a Canter in his owne language, making Rithmes, albeit (I thinke) thofe charmes of Poefie which (at the firft) made the barbarous tame, and brought them to ciuillity, can (vppon thefe fauage Monfters) worke no fuch wonder. Yet thus he finges (vppon demaund whether any of his owne crue did come that way) to which he anfwers, yes (quoth he)

Canting / rithmes.

lp Nough — with bowfy Coue maund Nace,

'Tour the Pairing Coue in the Darkeman Cafe, Docked the Dell, for a Coper meke, His wach fliall feng a Frounces Nab-chete, Cyarum, by Salmon, and thou Jhalt pek my lere In thy Gan, for my watch it is nace gere, For the bene bowfe my watch hath a win &c.

This mort Leflbn I leaue to be conftrued by him that is defirous to try his flull in the language, which he may do by helpe of the following Die-

198 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

tionary ; into which way that he may more redily come, I will tranflate into Englifh, this broken French that followes in Profe. Two Canters hauing wrangled a while about fome idle quarrell, at length growing friends, thus one of them fpeakes to the other, viz.

A Canter in profe.

O 'Towe you beene Cofe : and cut benar whiddes and bing we to Rome vile, to nip a boung : Jo jhall wee haue lowre for the bowfing ken, & when we beng back to the Dewefe a vile, we will filch Jome Duddes off the Ruffmans, or mill the Ken for a lagge of Dudes.

Thus in Englifh

Stowe you, beene cofe : hold your peace good fellow. And cut benar whiddes : and fpeake better words. dnd bing we to Rome vile : and goe we to London. To nip a boung : to cut a purfe. So Jhall we haue lowre : fo fhall we haue mony. For the bowfing Ken : for the Ale-houfe. And when we bing backe : and when we come

backe.

To the Dewfe-a-vile : into the Country. We will filch fome duddes : we will filch fome

clothes.

Off the Ruffmans: from the hedges. Or mill the Ken: or rob the houfe. For a lagge of Duddes : for a bucke of clothes.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 199

Now I turne to your dictionary.

ANd becaufe you (hall not haue one difh twice fet before you, none of thofe Canting wordes that are englifhed before fhall here be found : for our intent is to feaft you with varietie.

The Canters DicYionarie.

/I I/tern, a church.

Autem-morty a married woman.

Boungy a purfe.

Bordey a fhilling.

Half a Bordey fix pence.

Bow/e, drinke.

Bow/ing Ken, an ale-houfe.

Beney good.

Benejhipy very good.

Bufe9 a Dogge.

Bing a wafty get you hence.

Cafter^ a Cloake.

A Commijfion, a fhirt.

Chates, the Gallowes.

To cly the lerke, to be whipped.

fo cutty to fpeake.

To cutt bene, to fpeake gently.

To cutt bene whiddes, to fpeake good wordes.

To cutt quier whiddes, to giue euill language.

To Canty to fpeake.

200 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

To couch a Hog/head, to lye downe a fleepe.

Drawers, Hofen.

Dudes, clothes.

Darkemans, the night.

Dewfe-a-vile, the country.

Dup the Giger, open the dore.

Fambles, hands.

F ambling Chete, a Ring.

Flag, a Goat.

Glajters, eyes.

Gan, a mouth.

Gage, I a Quart pott.

Grannam, Corne.

Gybe, a writing.

Glymmer, fire.

Gigger, a doore.

Gentry Mort, a Gentlewoman.

Gentry cofes Ken, a Noble mans houfe.

Harman bek, a Conftable.

Harmans, the Stockes.

Heaue a bough, rob a Boothe.

larke, a Scale.

Ken, a houfe.

Ztfgv? 0/" Dudes, a Bucke of clothes.

Libbege, a bed.

Lowre, money.

Lap, Butter, Milke, or Whaye.

Libken, a houfe to lye in,

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 201

*

Lage, Water.

Light-mans , the day.

Mynt, Golde.

A Make^ a halfe-penny.

Margery prater, a Henne.

Mawnding, afking.

To Mill, to fteale.

Mill a Ken, rob a houfe.

Nofegent, a Nunne.

Niggling, companying with a woman.

Pratt, a Buttock.

P£f£, meate.

Poplars, Pottage.

Prancer, a Horfe.

Prigging, Riding.

Patrico, a Prieft.

P^, a Way.

ghtaromes, a body.

Ruffpeck, Bacon.

Roger, or Tib of the Buttry, a Goofe.

Rome I -vile, London.

Rome-bowje, Wine.

Rome-mort, a Queene.

Ruffmans, the woodes, or bufhes.

Ruffian, the Diuell.

Stampes : legges.

Stampers: (hooes.

Slate : a fheete.

202 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Skew : a cup.

Salomon : the mafle.

Stuling ken : a houfe to receiue ftolne goods.

Skipper : a barne.

Strommel, ftraw.

Smelling chetey an Orchard or Garden.

Tojcowre the Cramp-ring : to weare boults.

Stalling : making or ordeyning.

^ryning : hanging.

To twore : to fee.

Wyn : a penny.

Tarum : milke.

And thus haue I builded ,vp a little' Minty where you may coyne wordes for your pleafure. The payment of this was a debt : for the Belman at his farewell (in his firft Round which hee walk'd) promifed fo much. If hee keepe not touch, by tendring the due Summe, hee denres forbearance, and if any that is more rich in this Canting commodity will lend him any more, or any better, hee will pay his loue double : In the meane time, receiue this, and to giue it a little more weight, you mall haue a Gating Jong, wherein you may learne, how 'This curfed Generation pray, or (to fpeake truth) curfe fuch Officers as punifh them.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 203 A Can / ting fong.

//<? Ruffin cly the nab of the Harmanbeck,

If we mawnd Pannam, lap or Ruff-peck, Or poplars of y arum : he cuts, bing to the Ruffmans, Or els hejweares by the light-mans, To put our ft amps in the Harmans. The ruffian cly the ghoft of the Harmanbeck, If we heaue a booth we cly the lerke.

If we niggle, or mill a bowjing Ken,

Or nip a boung that has but a win,

Or dup the giger of a Gentry cofes ken,

To the quier cuffing we bing,

And then to the quier Ken, tofcowre the Cramp-ring,

And then to the ^rinde on the chafes, in the light- mans

The Bube & Ruffian cly the Harman beck & har- mans.

Thus Englifhed.

THe Diuell take the Conftables head, If we beg Bacon, Butter-milke or bread, Or Pottage, to the hedge he bids vs hie, Or fweares (by this light) ith flocks we fhall lie. The Deuill haunt the Conftables ghoaft ; If we rob but a Booth, we are whipd at a poaft.

204 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

If an ale-houfe we rob, or be tane with a whore, Or cut a purfe that has iuft a penny and no more, Or come but ftealing in at a Gentlemans dore ; To the luftice ftraight we goe, And then to the layle to be (hackled : And fo To be hangd on the gallowes ith day time: the

pox And the Deuill take the Conftable and his ftocks.

We haue Canted (I feare) too much, let vs now giue eare to the Bel-man, and heare what he fpeaks in englifh.

THE/

BEL-MANS SECOND

Nights walke.

CHAP. 2

>T was Terme time in hel (for you muft vnderftand, a Lawyer Hues there afwell as heere :) by which meanes don Lucifer (being the iuftice for that Countie, where the Brimftone mines are) had better dooings and more rapping at his gates, then all the Doctors & Em- pericall Quack-faluers of ten citties haue at theirs in a great plague-time. The hal where thefe Termers were to try their caufes, was

i in 11-11 • i iA descriPtion

very large and ftrongly built, but it had oftheHaii

- | ...*, r i i i where matters

One fault : It Was lO hot that people are tryed in

Hell.

could not indure to walk there : Yet to walke there they were compelled, by reafon they were drawne thither vppon occasions; and fuch iuftling there was of one another, that it

refixit.

206 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

would haue grieued any man to be in the thronges amongft em. Nothing could bee heard t noife, and nothing of that noife &c. be vnderftood, but that it was a found as of men in a kingdome, when on a fuddaine it is in an vprore. Euery one brabled with him that he walked with, or if he did but tell his tale to his Councell, he was fo eager in the verry deliuery of that tale, that you would haue fworne he did brabble : and fuch gnaming of TthhVcUougrt.° teeth there was when aduerfaries met m*nthushabet together, that the fyling of ten thoufand ; Cdtti- Sawes cannot yeeld a found more hor-

; riblc, The ludge of the Court had

sateri, &c. j • i • n i 1 1

a diuelilh countenance, and as cruell hee was in puniming thofe that were condemned by Lawe, as hee was crabbed in his lookes, whilft he fat to heare their tryals. But / albeit there was no pittie to be expected at his hands, yet was he fo vpright in iuftice, that none could euer fatten bribe vppon him, for he was ready and willing to heare the cries of all commers. Neither durft any Pleader (at the infernall Barre) or any officer of the Court, exact any Fee of

Plaintiffes, and fuch as complained of

Impios inclis , n , .

perpetuis wrongs and were oppreft: but onely

they paide that were the wrong dooers ;

thofe would they fee dambd ere they mould gette

aurti-

LANTIIORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 207

out of their fingers, fuch fellowes they were ap pointed to vexe at the very foule.

The matters that here were put in fute, were more then could bee bred in twentie

T_ nii I;- The customes

Vacations, yet mould a man be ais- and condition

. r i j T T-« °f l^e court-

patched out or hand. In one i erme

he had his Judgement, for heare they neuer ftand

vppon Returnes, but prefently come to Triall.

The caufes decided here are many ; the Clients

that complaine many ; the Counfellors (that plead

till they be hoarfe,) many ; the At- Vndenunqu~a

tornies (that runne vp and downe,)

infinite ; the Clarkes of the Court, not

to be numbred. All thefe haue their hands full ;

day and night are they fo plagued with the bawling

of Clients, that they neuer can reft.

The Inck where-with they write, is the blood of Coniurers : they haue no Paper, but all thinges are engrofled in Parchment, and that Parchment is made of Scriueners fkinnes flead off, after they haue beene punifhed for Forgerie : their Standifhes are the Sculs of Ufurers: their Pennes, the bones of vnconfcionable Brokers, and hard - hearted Creditors, that haue made dice of other mens bones, or elfe of periured Executors and blind Ouer-feers, that haue eaten vp Widdowes and Orphanes to the bare bones: and thofe Pennes are made of purpofe without Nebs, becaufe they,

208 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

may caft Inck but (lowly, in mockery of thofe, who in their life time were flowe in yeelding drops of pitty.

Would you know what actions are tried here ? I will but turne ouer the Recordes,

What matters

aretryedbe- and read them vnto you as they hang

fore the Diuell. J J

vppon the l^yle.

The / Courtier is fued heere, and condemned for Ryots.

The Soldier is fued heere and condemned for murders.

The Scholler is fued here & condemned for Herezies.

. The Citizen is fued here and condemned for the city-fins.

The Farmer is fued heere vpon Penal Statutes, and condemned for fpoyling the Mar-

'Quig; arma . r / &

secuti impia. ketS. Epulaq ; ante

eraparatafuri- Actions of batterie are brought againft

arum maxima ° °

iuxta accubat, Swaggerers - and heere they are bound to

& manibus 66 J

•prohibet contin- the

Actions of Wafte are brought againft drunkards and Epicures ; and heere they are con demned to begge at the Grate for one drop of colde water to coole their tongues, or one crum of breade to ftay their hunger, yet are they denyed it.

Harlots haue procefle fued vpon them heere,

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 209

and are condemned to Howling, to Rottennejfe and to Stench. No Actes of Parliament that haue pafled the * Vpper houfe, can be broken, but here the breach is punifhed, and that feuefely, and that fuddenly : For here they (land vppon no demurres ; no Audita-Quer<ela can heere be gotten, no writs of Errors to Reuerfe Judgement : heere is no flying to a court of Chancery for releef, yet euerie one that comes heather is ferued with a Sub-pana. No, they deale /Mfe «**

• * • \ • r* ITT? niiq; malar um

altogether in this Court vpon the Habeas Suppuda «•- Corpus, vpon the Capias, vppon the Ne exeat Regneum, vpon Rebellion, vppon heauie Fines (but no Recoueries) vpon writers of Out-lary, to attache the body for euer, & laft of all vppon Executions, after Judgement , which being feru'd vpon a man is his euerlafting vndooing.

Such are the Cuftomes and courfes of pro ceedings in the Offices belonging to the Prince of Darknefle. Thefe hot dooings hath he in his Terme -times. But vpon a day when a great matter was to be tryed betweene an Englijhman and a Dutchman, which of the two were the fowled Drinkers, and the cafe being a long time in arguing, by reafon that ftrong euidence came in reeling on both fides, (yet it was thought that the Englim-man would / carry it away, and caft the Dutchman) on a fudden all was ftaid by the

D. III. 14

210 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

found of a home that was heard at the lower end of the Hall. And euerie one looking back (as wondring at the ftrangenefTe) roome room was cride and made through the thickeft of the crowde, for a certaine fpirit in the likenefle of a poft, who made a way on a little leane Nagge vp to the Bench where ludge Radamanth with his two grim Brothers (Minos and ^Eacus) fat. This fpirit was an intelligencer fent by Belzebub of Batharum into fome Countries of Chriftedome, to lye there as a fpie, & had brought with him a packet of letters from feuerall Leigiars, that lay in thofe Countries, for the feruice of the Tartarian their Lord and Maifter, which packet being opened, all the Letters, (becaufe they concernd t^ie generall good and ftate of thofe lowe Countries in Hell) were publikely reade. The contents of that Letter ftung moft, and put them all out of their Jaw-cafes, were to this purpofe.

r I ^Hat whereas the Lord of Fiery Lakes, had

X his Minifters in all kingdomes aboue the

earth, whofe Offices were not onely to winne

fubiects of other Princes to his obedi-

A letter

against the ence, but allo to glue notice when any

Bel-man. ' &

or his owne iworn houlhoid, or any other that held league with him fhould reuolt or

LANTHCRNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 211

flye from their duty & allegiance: as alfo dis- couer from time to time all plots, confpiracies, machinations, or vnderminings, that mold be laid (albeit they that durft lay them mould dig deepe enough) to blow vp his great Infernall cittie : fo that if his Horned Regiment were not fuddenly muftred together, and did not luftely beftirre their clouen (lumps, his Territories wold be fhaken, his dominions left in time vnpeopl'd, his forces look'd into, and his authoritie which hee held in the world, contemned & laughed to fcorne. The reafon was, y a certaine fellow, The

^>7 -/j /• TV i AT- i ThtBelman.

Childe of Darkenes, a common Ntght- walker, a man that had no man to waite vppon him but onely a Dog, one that "was a dtfordered perfon, and I at midnight would beaie at mens doores, bidding them (in meere mocker ie) to look to their candles when they themfelues were in their dead Jleeps : and albeit he was an Officer, yet he was but of Light- carriage, being knowne by the name of the Bell -man of London, had of late not only drawne a number of the Deuils owne kindred into queftion for their liues, but had alfo (only by the help of the Jan thorn & candle) lookt into the fecrets of the beft trades that are taught in hell, laying them open to the broad eye of the world, making them infamous, odious, and ridiculous : yea, and not fatisfied with dooing this wrong to his diuellfhip,

212 LANIHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

very fpitefullye hath hee fet them out in print, drawing their pi&ures fo to the life, that now a horfe-ftealer fhall not fliew his head, but a halter with the Hang-mans noofe is ready to bee faftned about it : A Foyft nor a Nip fhall not walke into a Fayre or a Play-houfe, but euerie cracke will cry looke to your purfes : nor a poore common Rogue come to a mans doore, but he fhall be examined if he can cant ? If this Baulling fellow therefore haue not his mouth ftop'd, the light Angels that are coynd below, will neuer bee able to paffe as they haue done, but be naild vp for counterfeits. Hell will haue no dooings, and the deuill be no-body.

This was the lyning of the Letter, and this Letter draue them al to a Non-plus, becaufe they knew not how to anfwere it. But at laft aduice was taken, the Court brake vp, the Tearme was adiourn'd, (by reafon that the Hell-houndes were thus Plagu'd) and a common counfell in hell was prefetly called how to redres thefe abufes.

The Sathanicall Sinagogue beeing fet, vp ftartes the Father of Hell and damnation, and looking verrie terribly with a paire of eies that flared as wide as the mouth gapes at Bifhops-gate, fetching foure or fiue deep fighes (which were nothing elfe but the Smoke of fire & brimftone boyling in his ftomacke, and fhewed as if hee were taking

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 213

tobacco, which he often times does) tolde his children & feruats (& the reft of the citizens that dwelt within / the freedome of Hel, and fat there before him vpon narow low formes) that they neuer had more caufe to lay their heads together, and to grow pollititians. Hee and they all knew, that from the Corners of the earth, fome did euerie houre in a day creepe forth, to come and feme him : yea, that HucomHis many thoufands were fo bewitched with turba' his fauours, and his rare partes, that they would come running quick to him ; his dominions (he faid) were great and full of people : Emperors and Kings, (in infinit numbers) were his (laues : his court was ful of Princes : if the innumer(e world were deuided (as fome report) *'*<"***"*•' but into three parts, two of thofe three were his : or if (as others affirme) into foure parts, [in] almoft three of that foure had hee firme footing.

But if fuch a fellow as a treble voic'd Bel-man, mould be fuffered to pry into the infernal Mis- teries, & into thofe Black Arts which command the fpirits of the Deep, & hauing fucked what knowledge he can from them, to turne it al into poifon, & to fpit it in the verie faces of the profeiTors, with a malicious intent to make them appeare vgly and fo to grow hatefull and out of fauor with y world : if fuch a coniurer at

2i4 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

midnight fhould dance in their circles and not be driuen out of them, hell in a few yeares would not bee worth the dwelling in. The great Lord of Limbo did therefore commaund all his Blacke Guard that ftood about him, to beftirre them in their places, and to defend the Court wherein is tne7 liued : threatning (befides) that \s curfle, & all the plagues of {linking hel mold fall vpon his officers, feruants, and fubiects, vnlefle they either aduiz'd him, how, or take fome fpeedy order themfelues to punifh that faucy intelligencer, the Eel-man of London. Thus he fpake and then fat.

At laft, a foolim Deuill rofe vp, and mot the bolt of his aduice, which flew thus farre, That the Black- dogge of New- gate mould againe bee let loofe, and a farre off, follow the Balling Eel-man^ to watch into what places hee went, and what deedes of darkenefle (euerie night) / hee did. Hinc rifus ! The whole Syniodicall afTembly, fell a laughing at this Wife-acre, fo that neither he nor his blacke-Dogge durft barke any more.

Another, thinking to cleaue the verrie pinne with his arrow, drew it home to the head of Wifdome (as he imaginde) ; and yet that lighted wide too. But thus mot his Counfell, that the Ghofts of all thofe theeues, Cheaters, and others of the damned crew, (who by the Bel -mans dis-

I LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 215

couerie, had bene betraied, were taken and fent weft ward) fhould bee fetched from thofe fields of Horror, where euerie night they walke, difputing with Doctor Story, who keepes them company there in his corner Cap : & that thofe wry-neck'd fpirits mould haue charge giuen them to haunt the Eel-man in his walkes, and fo fright him out of his wittes. This Deuill for all his roaring, went away neither with a Plaudite, nor with a hifle : Others ftep'd vp, fome pronouncing one verdict fome another : But at the laft, it beeing put into their Diuelifh heads, that they had no power ouer him farther then what mold be giuen vnto them, it was concluded and fet downe as a rule in Court, that fome one ftrange fpirit, who could tranfport himfelfe into all fhapes, mould bee fent vppe to London, and fcorning to take reuenge vppon fo meane a perfon as a Bel-ringer, mould thruft himfelfe into fuch companyes, (as in a warrant to bee figned for that purpofe) mould bee nominated : and beeing once growne familiar with them, hee was to worke and winne them by all poflible meanes to fight vnder the difmall and blacke collours of the Grand Sophy, (his Lord and M after) ; the fruite that was to grow vppon this tree of euill, would bee greate, for it mould bee fit to bee ferued vp to Don Lucifer s Table, as a new banqueting Dim, fithence all his other

216 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

meates, (though they fatted him well) were grown ftale.

Hereupon Pamerfiell the MefTenger was called, a pafport was drawne, figned and deliuered to him, with certaine inftruments how to carry himfelfe in this trauell. / And thus much was openly fpoken to him by word of mouth.

Flye Pamerfiel with fpeede to the great and populous citie in the Weft : winde thy felfe into all lhapes : bee a Dogge (to fawne) a Dragon (to confound) bee a Doue (feeme innocent) bee a Deuill (as thou art) and mew that thou art a lorniman to hel. Build rather thy neft amogft willowes that bend euerie way, then on tops of Oakes, whofe hearts are hard to be broken : Fly with the Swallow, clofe to y earth, when ftormes are at hand, but keep company with Birdes of greater tallants, when the weather is cleare, & neuer leaue them till they looke like Rauens : creepe into bofoms that are buttond vp in fattin and there fpred the wings of thine infection: make euerie head thy pillow to leane vpon, or vfe it like a Mill, onely to grinde mifchiefe. If thou meetft a Dutchman, drinke with him : if a Frenchman, ftab : if a Spaniard, betray : if an Italian poyfbn : if an Englijhman doe all this.

Haunt Tauerns, there thou fnalt finde prodigalls : pay thy two-pence to a Player, in his gallerie maift

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 217

thou fitte by a Harlot : at Ordinaries maift thou dine with filken fooles : when the day fteales out of the world, thou fhalt meete rich drunkards, vnder welted gownes fearch for threefcore in the hundred, hugge thofe golden villaines, they fhine bright, and will make a good (hew in hell, fhriek w a cricket in the brew-houfe, & watch how they coniure there : Ride vp and downe Smith-field, and play the lade there : Vint prifons, and teach laylors how to make nets of Iron there : binde thy felfe Prentice to the beft trades : but if thou canft grow extreame ritch in a very fhort time, (honeftly) I banifh thee my kingdome, come no more into hell : I haue red thee a lecture, followe it, farewell.

No fooner was farwell fpoken, but the fpirit to whom all thefe matters were giuen in charge vanifhed : the clouen footed Orator arofe, and the whole afTembly went about their damnable bufinefle.

V

Gu I-/ Groping.

How Gentlemen are cheated at Ordinaries. Chap. 3.

THe Diuels foote-man was very nimble of his heeles (for no wilde-Irifh man could out- runne him), and therefore in a few houres, was

218 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

he come vp to London : the miles betweene Hell and any place vpon earth being (hotter then thofe betweene London and Saint Albones, to any man that trauels from thence thither, or to any Lackey that comes from hence hether on the Deuils er rands : but to any other poo re foule, that dwells in thofe low countries, they are neuer at an end, and by him are not poflible to bee meafured.

No fooner was he entred into the Cittie, but hee met with one of his Maifters daughters called * Pride, dreft like a Marchants wife, who taking acquaintance of him, and vnderftanding for what hee came, tolde him, that the firft thing hee was to doe, hee muft put himfelfe in good cloathes, fuch as were futable to the fafhion of the time, for that here, men were look'd vppon onely for their outfides : he that had not ten-pounds worth of wares in his fhop, would carry twentie markes on ^1S Dac^ • that there were a number of fumpter-horfes in the citty, who

-toromnia. ^^ nof. how courfely tney fed, fo

they might weare gay trappings : yea, that fbme pied fooles, to put on fatin and veluet but foure daies in the yeare did often-times vndoe them- felues, wiues and Children euer after. The fpirit of the Deuils Buttry hearing this, made a legge to Pride for her counfell, and knowing by his owne experience that euerie Taylor hath his hell

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 219

to himfelfe, under his Shop-board, (where he dammes new Sattin) amongft them he thought to finde beft welcome, and therefore into Burchin- lane hee ftalkes verie mannerly, Pridt going along with him, and taking the vpper hand.

No / fooner was he entred into the rankes of the Linnen Armorers, (whofe weapons are Spanifh needles) but he was moft described"6

.. , , n , r . Taylors at first

terribly and marpely let vppon : euene were called

, . , n , . . Linnen Ar-

prentice boy had a pull at him : he more™, ser- feared they all had bin Serieants, be- caufe they all had him by the back: neuer was poore deuil fo tormented in hell, as he was amongft them : he thought it had bene Saint Thomas his day, & that he had bene called vpon to be Conftable : there was fuch balling in his eares : and no ftrength could make them off, but that they muft fhewe him fome fuites of apparell, becaufe they faw what Gentlewoman was in his company (whom they all knew). Seeing no re- medie, into a mop he goes, was fitted brauely, and beating the price, found the loweft to be vnreafonable, yet paide it, and departed, none of them (by reafon of their crowding about him befor) perceiuing what cuftomer they had met with ; but now the Taylor fpying the deuill, fuf- fered him to go, neuer praying that he wold know the fhop another time, but looking round

220 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

about his ware-houfe if nothing were miffing, at length he found that he had loft his cofcience : yet remembring himfelfe, that they who deale with the diuel, can hardly keepe it, he flood vpon it the lefle.

The fa/hions of an Or dinar ie.

THe Stigian traueller beeing thus tranflated into an accomplifh'd gallant, with all acoutrements belonging (as a fether for his head, gilt rapier for his fides, & new boots to hide his polt foote) ; for in Bed-lam hee met with a fhoe- maker, a mad flaue, that knew the length of his laft ; it refted, onely that now he was to enter vppon company futable to his cloathes : and knowing that your moft felected Gallants are the onelye table-men that are plaid with al at Ordinaries^ into an Ordinary did he moft gentle man like, conuay himfelfe in ftate.

It feemed that al who came thether, had clocks in their bellies, for they all ftruck into the dyning roome much about the very minute of feeding. Our Caualier had all the / eyes (that came in) throwne vpon him, (as beeing a ftranger : for no AmbafTador from the diuell euer dined amongft them before,) and he afmuch tooke efpeciall notes of them. In obferuing of whom and of the place,

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 221

he found, that an Ordinary was the only Ren- deuouz for the moft ingenious, moft terfe, moft trauaild, and moft phantaftick gallant: the very Exchange for newes out of al countries : the only Booke-Jellers fhop for conference of the beft Editions, that if a woma (to be a Lady) would caft away herfelf vpon a knight, there a man mould heare a Catalogue of moft of the richeft London widowes : & laft, that it was a Jchoole where they were all fellowes of one Forme, & that a country gentleman was of as great comming as $ proudeft luftice that fat there on y bench aboue him : for he that had the graine of the table with his trencher, payd no more then he that plac'd him- felf beneath the fait.

The diuels intelligencer could not be contented to fill his eye onely with thefe obiects, and to feed his belly with delicate cheere : But hee drew a larger picture of all that were there, and in thefe collours.

The voider hauing cleered the table, Cardes & Dice (for the laft Mefle) are ferued vp to the boord : they that are ful of coyne, draw, they that haue little, ftand by & giue ayme : they jhuffle and cut on one fide : the bones rattle on the other : long haue they not plaide, but othes fly vp & down the roome like haile-mot: if the poore dumb dice be but a little out of fquare, the pox

222 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

& a thoufand plagues breake their neckes out at window : prefently after, the foure knaues are fent packing the fame way, or els (like heretikes are) condemned to be burnt.

In this battaile of Gardes and Dice, are feuerall Regiments & feuerall Officiers.

They that fit downe to play, are at firft cald Leaders.

They that loofe, are the For lor ne Hope.

He that winnes all, is the Eagle.

He that ftands by & Ventures, is the Wod-fecker \

The frefh Gallant that is fetcht in, is the Gull.

Hee that ftands by, and lends, is the Gull-groper.

The I Gull-groper.

THis Gul-groper is commonly an old Mony- moger, who hauing trauaild through all the follyes of the world in his youth, knowes them well, and fhunnes them in his age ; his whole felicitie being to fill his bags with golde and filuer, hee comes to an Ordinary, to faue charges of houfe-keeping, and will eate for his two millings, more meate then will ferue three of the guard at a dinner, yet fweares hee comes thether onely for the company, and to conuerfe with trauailers. Its a Gold-Finch that fildome flies to thefe Ordinary Nefts, without a hundred or two hundred pound in twenty ihilling peeces about him. After the

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 223

tearing of fome feauen paire of Gardes, or the damning of fome ten baile of Dice, fteps hee vpon the Stage, and this part he playes. If any of the Forlorne Hope bee a Gentleman of meanes, either jn Efle^ ofr in Pofler (and that the olde Fox will bee fure to know to halfe an Acre,) whofe money runnes at a low ebbe, as may appeare by his fcratching of the head, and walking vp and downe the roome, as if he wanted an Oftler : The Gull- groper takes him to a fide window and tels him, hee's forry to fee his hard luck, but the Dice are made of womens bones, and will cozen any man, yet for his father's fake (whom he hath knowne fo long) if it pleafe him, he fhal not leaue off play for a hundred pound or two. If my yong Eftrich gape to fwallow downe this mettall (& for the moft part they are very greedy, hauing fuch prouander fet before them) then is the gold powred on the board, a Bond is made for re- paiment, at the next quarter day when Exhibition is fent in : and becaufe it is all gold, and coft fo much the changing, The Scriuener (who is a whelpe of the old Maftiues owne breeding) knows what words will bite, which thus he fattens vpo him, and in this Nette the Gull is fure to be taken (howfoeuer :) for if he fall to play againe, & loofe, the hoary Goat-bearded Satyre that ftands at his elbow, laughes in / his fleeue : if his bags be fo

224 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

recouered of their Falling-ficknes, that, they be able prefently to repay the borrowed gold, then Monfieur Gul-groper fteales away of purpofe to auoide the receipt of it ; he hath fatter Chickens in hatching : tis a fayrer marke he fhootes at. For the day being come when the bond growes due, the within named Signior Auaro will not be within : or if he be at home, he hath wedges enough in his pate, to caufe the bond to bee broken, or elfe a little before the day, he feeds my young Maifter with fuch fweet words, that furfetting vpon his proteftations, hee neglects his paiment, as prefuming hee may do more. But the Law hauing a hand in the forfeiture of the bond, laies prefently hold of our yong Gallant with the helpe of a couple of Serieants, and iuft at fuch a time when old Erra Pater (the lew) that lent him the money, knowes by his owne Prognostication, that the Moone with the filuer face is with him in the waine. Nothing then can free him out of the phanges of thofe bloud-hounds, but he muft prefently confefle a Judgment, for fo much money, or for fuch a Manor or Lordfhip (three times worth the bond forfeited) to be paid or to be entred vpon by him, by fuch a day, or within fo many moneths after he comes to his land. And thus are young heires coozend out of their Acres, before they well know where they lye,

/.AXT/IORNE AND CAXnLK-LlGIIT. 225

The Wood-pecker.

THe Wood-decker is a bird that fits by vpon a perch too ; but is nothing fo dangerous, as this Vulture fpoken of before. He deales altogether vpon Returnes, (as men do that take three for one, at their comming back from leru- falem, &c.) for hauing a lewell, a Clock, a Ring with a Diamond, or any fuch like commoditie, he notes him well that commonly is bed acquainted with the Dice, and hath euer good luck : to him he offers his prize, rating it at ten or fifteene pound, when happily tis not worth aboue fix, and for it he bargaines to receiue fiue millings or ten millings (according as it is in value) at euery / hand, fecond, third, or fourth hand he drawes : by which means he perhaps in a fhort time, makes that yeeld him forty or fifty pound, which cod not halfe twenty. Many of thefe Merchant ven turers faile from Ordinary to Ordinary, being fure alwayes to make failing Voiages, when they that put in ten times more then they, are for the moft

part loofers.

oi o-( arij

*HJ; *he Gull 3ft ,

N- Ow if either The Leaders, or The Forlorxe Hope, or any of the reft, chace to heare of a yong F refit-water foldier that neuer before followed thefe ftrange warres, and yet hath a D. in. 15

226 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Charge newly giuen him (by the old fellow Sol- dado Vecchio his father, when Death had fhotte him into the Graue) of fome ten or twelue thoufand in ready money, befides fo many hundreds a yeare : firft are Scoutes fent out to difcouer his Lodging : that knowne, fome lie in ambum to note what Apothecaries mop hee reforts too euery morning, or in what Tobacco-mop in Fleet-ftreet he takes a pipe of Smoake in the afternoone : that fort which the Puny holds, is fure tc be beleaguerd by the whole troope of the old weather beaten Gallants : amongft whom fome .one, whofe wit is thought to be of a better block for his head, than the reft, is appointed to (ingle out our Nouice, and after fome foure or fiue dayes {pent in Complement, our heire to feauen hundred a yeare is drawne to an Ordinary, into which he no fooner enters, but all the old-ones in that Neft flutter about him, embrace, proteft, kifle the hand, Conge to the very garter, and in the end (to mew that hee is no fmall foole, but that he knows his father left him not fo much monie for nothing,) the yong Cub fuffers himfelfe to be drawne to the ftake : to flefh him, Fortune and the Dice (or rather the Falfe-dice, that coozen Fortune, & make a foole of him too) mall fo fauor him, that he marches away from a battaile or two, the onely winner. But afterwards, let him play how warily

• \

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 227

foeuer he can, the damned Dice (hall crofle / him, & his filuer crofles fhall blefle thofe that play againft him : for euen they that feeme deereft to his bofome, fhall firft be ready, and be the formoft to enter with the other Leaders into confpiracy, how to make fpoile of his golden bags. By fuch ranfacking of Cittizens fonnes wealth, the Leaders maintaine themfelues braue, the Forlorne-hope, that droop'd before, do'es now gallantly come on. The Eagle fethers his neft, the Wood-pecker pickes vp his crums, the Gul-groper growes fat with good feeding : and the Gull himfelfe, at whom euery one has a Pull, hath in the end fcarce fethers enough to keepe his owne back warme.

The Poft-maifter of Hell, feeing fuch villanies to go vp and downe in cloakes lin'd

Portitoribus

cleane through with Veluet, was glad horrcndu* he had fuch newes to fend ouer, and minastruat,

r - .. - .. - . Terribilc squa-

therefore fealmg vp a letter full of it, /^Charon,

r n i i j i Cuiplurima

deliuered the lame to filthy-bearded mente, Canities

, . TTr s , incultee iacet.

Charon (their owne Water-man) to be

conuaide firft to the Porter of Hell, & then (by

him) to the Maifter Keeper of the Diuels.

228 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Of Ferreting.

The Manner of vndooing Gentlemen by taking vp of commodities.

CHAP. IIII.

HUnting is a noble, a manly, & a healthfull exercife ; it is a very true picture of warre, nay it is a war in it felfe ; for engines are brought into the field, ftratagems are contriued, ambufhes are laide, onfets are giuen, allarums ftruck vp, braue incounters are made, fierce afTailings are refifted by ftrength, by courage or by pollicy : the enemy is purfued, and the Purfuers neuer giue ouer till they haue him in execution : then is a Retreate founded, then are fpoiles diuided, then come they home wearied, but yet crowned with honor & victory. And as in battailes there be feuerall maners of fight : fo in the paftime of hunting, there are feuerall degrees of game. Some Hunting of the hunt the / Z/00, and that fhewes as Lyon, &c. when fubie<fts rife in Armes againft their King : Some hunt the Vnicorne for the treafure on his head, and they are like couetous men, that care not whome they kill for riches : fome hunt the Shotted Panther and the freckled

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 229

Leopard, they are fuch as to inioy their pleafures, regard not how blacke an infamy ftickes vpon them : All thefe are barbarous & vnnaturall Huntlemen, for they range vp and downe the Deferts, the Wildernes, and inhabitable Mount- aines.

Others purfue the long liusd Hart, the coura- gious Stag or the nimble footed Deere : Hunting of thefe are the Noblefl hunters, and they the Bucke- exercife the Nobleft game : thefe by following the Chace get ftrength of body, a free and vn- difquieted minde, magnanimity of fpirit, alacrity of heart and an vnwearifomriefTe to breake through the hardeft labours : their pleafures are not infati- able but are contented to be kept within limits, for thefe hunt within Parkes inclofed, or within bounded Forrefts. The hunting of the Hunting of Hare teaches feare to be bould, and puts theHare- ftmplicity fo to her mifts, that me growes cunning and prouident : the turnings and crofle windings that me makes, are embleames of this lifes vn- certainty : when me thinkes me is furdeft from danger, it is at her heeles, and when it is nereft to her, the hand of fafety defends her. When me is wearied and has runne her race, me takes her death patiently, onely to teach man, that he mould make himfelfe redy, when the graue gapes for him.

23o LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

All thefe kinds of hunting are abroad in the open field, but there is a dofe citty prceda: petenda hunting onely within the walls, that pulles downe Parkes, layes open forrefts, deftroies Chaces, woundes the Deere of the land, and make[s] fuch hauocke of the goodlicft Heards, that by their wills, (who are the rangers,) none fhould be left aliue but the Rafcalls : This kinde of hunting is bafe, and ignoble. It is the meaneft, yet the moft mifchieuous, & it is called Ferreting. To behold a courfe or two at this, did the light horjeman of Hell one day leape into the faddle.

Citty I -Hunting.

THis Ferret-Hunting hath his Seafons as other games haue, and is onely followed at fuch a time of yeare, when the Gentry of what persons our kingdome by riots, hauing chafed gaSe°o7 Fernet them-felues out of the faire reuenewes

hunting. and jarge poffeffion ieft to them by their anceftors, are forced to hide their heads like ponies, in little caues and in vnfrequented places : or elfe being almoft windles, by running

after fenfuall pleafures too feircely, they •voiuptas inui- are glad (for keeping them-felues in

breath fo long as they can) to fal to Ferret -hunting^ y is to fay, to take vp commodities.

LA NTHORNE A ND CA NDLE- LIGHT. 23 1

No warrant can bee graunted for a Bucke in this forreft^ but it muft pafle vnder thefe fiue hands.

1 He that hunts vp and downe to find game, is called the Tombler. Thetragedyof

2 The commodities that are taken

are cald Purje-nets. acts-

3 The Cittizen that felles thern is the Ferret.

4 They that take vp are the Rabbet-fuckers.

5 He vpon whofe credit thefe Rabbet-fuckers runne, is called the Warren.

How the Warren is made.

AFter a raine, Conies vfe to come out of their Holes and to fit nibling on weeds or any thing in the coole of the euening, and after a reueling when younger brothers haue fpent al, or in gaming haue loft al, they fit plotting in their chambers with neceflity how to be Nummaomnes furnifhed prefently with a new fupply of money. They would take vp any commodity whatfoeuer, but their names ftand in too many texted letters allready in Mercers and Scriueners bookes : vpon a hundred poundes worth of Roafled beefe they could finde in their hearts to venture, for that would away in turning of a hand : but where mall they find a Butcher or a Cooke that will let any man runne fo much vpon the fcore for flefh onely ?

232 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Sup / pofe therefore that Foure of fuch loofe fortun'd gallants were tied in one knot, and knew not how to faften themfelues vpon fome welthy cittizen. At the length it runnes into their heads that/«f/z a young Nouice (who daily ferues to fill vp their company) was neuer intangled in any citty limebujh : they know his prefent meanes to be good, and thos to come to be great : him there fore they lay vpon the Anuill of their wits, till they haue wrought him like wax, for him-felue

Dumspectant afwe11 aS for them : tO doe an7 thing

fefeMte^ in wax> or indeed till they haue won him to flide vpon this ice, (becaufe he knowes not the danger) is he easily drawne : for he confiders within himfelfe that they are all gentlemen well defcended, they haue rich fathers, they weare good clothes, haue bin gallant fpenders, and do now and then (ftill) let it fly freely : hee is to venture vppon no more rockes than all they, what then mould hee feare? hee therefore refolues to do it, and the rather becaufe his owne exhibition runnes low, & that there lacke a great many weekes to the quarter day ; at which time, he fhalbe refurnimed from his father.

The Match being thus agreed vpon, one of them that has beene an ould Ferret-monger, & knowes all the trickes of fuch Huting, feekes out a Tumbler, that is to fay a fellow, who beates the

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 233

bufh for them till they catch the birds, he himfelfe being contented (as he protefts & fweares) onely with a few fethers.

T

The Tumblers Hunting dry-foote.

His Tumbler being let loofe runnes Snuffing vp and downe clofe to the ground,

r ° The nature of

in the fhoppes either of Mercers, Gould- a London fmithes, Drapers, Haberdafhers, or of any other trade, where hee thinckes hee may meete with a Ferret : and tho vpon his very firft courfe, hee can find his game, yet to make his gallants more hungry, and to thinke he wearies himfelfe in hunting the more, hee comes to them fweating and {wearing that the Citty Ferrets are fo coaped (thats to fay haue / their lips ftitched vp fo clofe) that hee can hardly get them open to fo great a fum as fiue hundred poundes which NuhaMin. they defire. This hearbe beeing downe by the Rabbet -fuckers almoft kils their hearts, and is worfe to them then nabbing on the neckes to Connies. They bid him if he cannot faften his teeth vpon plate or Cloth, or Silkes, to lay hold on browne paper or Tobacco, Bartholmew babies, Lute ftringes or Hobnailes, or two hundred poundes in Saint Thomas Onions, and the reft in mony ; the Onions they coulde get wenches enough to cry and fell them by the Rope,

234 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

and what remaines fhould ferue them with mutton. Vppon this, their 'Tumbler trottes vppe and downe agen, and at laft lighting on a Cittizen that will deale, the names are receiued, and deliuered to a Scriuener, who enquiring whether they bee good men and true, that are to pafle vppon the life and death of fiue hundred poundes, findes that foure ofthejiue, are winde-fhaken, and ready to fall into the Lordes handes. * Marry the fift man, is an Oake, and theres hope that he cannot bee hewed downe in hafte. Vppon him therefore the Cittizen buildes fo much as comes to fiue hundred poundes, yet takes in the other foure to make them ferue as fcaffolding, till the Farme bee furnimed, and if then it hold, he cares not greatly who takes them downe. In al haft, are the bondes feald, and the commodities deliuered, And then does the 'Tumbler fetch his fecond carreere, and thats this.

The Tumblers Hunting Counter.

THe wares which they fifhed for beeing in the hand of the fiue fhauers, do now more trouble their wits how to turne thofe Wares into reddy mony, then beefore they were troubled to turn their credits into wares. The Tree being once more to be fhaken, they knowe it muft loofe fruite, and therefore their Factor muft barter away their Marchandife, tho it be with lofTe : Abroad

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LfGHl. 235

is in / to the Cittie : he Sailes for that purpofe, and deales with him that fold, to buy his owne Com- modifies againe for ready mony. He will not doe it vnder 30. 1. lofle in the Hundred : Other Archers bowes are tryed at the fame marke, but al keepe much about one fcantling : back therfore comes their Carrier with this newes, that no man will difburfe fo much prefent money vppon any wares whatfoeuer. Onely he met by good fortune with one friend (and that friend is himfelfe) who for 10. 1. wil procure them a Chapman, marry that chapman wil not buy vnlefle he may haue them at 30. 1. lofle in the Hundred : fuh, cry all the Sharers, a pox on thefe Fox-furd Curmudgions, giue that fellow your friend 10. 1. for his paines, & fetch the reft of his money : within an houre after, it is brought, and powr'd downe in one heape vppon a tauerne table ; where making a goodly mew as if it could neuer be fpent, al of the confult what fee the tumbler is to haue for Hunting fo wel, and conclude that lefle then 10. 1. they cannot giue him, which 10. 1. is y firft mony told out. Now let vs caft vp this Account : In euery 100. 1. is loft 30. which being Dedtthanc 5. times 30. 1. makes 1 50. 1. : that Sum the *3$$$P Ferret puts vp cleer befides his ouer- flures- prifmg the wares: vnto which 150. 1. loft, ad 10. 1. more, which the Tumbler guls them off, & other

236 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

10. 1. which he hath for his voyage, al which makes 170 1.; which deducted from 500. 1. there remaineth onely 330. to be deuided amongft 5. fo that euery one of y partners mail haue but 66. 1. yet this they all put vp merily, warning down their lofles w Sack and Sugar, whereof they drinke that night profoundly.

How the Warren isfpoyled.

\ T\ 7Jiilft this faire weather lafteth, and that * * there is any grafle to nibble vpon, ctheje Rabbet fuckers keep to the Warren wherein they fatned : but the cold day of repaiment approach ing, they retire deepe into their Caues ; fo that when the Ferret makes account to haue j£#£ before him in chafe, foure of the fiue ly hidde, &/are ftolne into other grounds. No maruell then if the Ferret growe fierce & teare open his own iawes, to fuck blood from him that is left : no maruaile if he fcratch what wool he can fro his back : the Purfnets y were Set are all Taken vp and carried away. The Warren therfore muft bee Searched ; 'That muft pay for all : ouer that does hee range like a little Lord. Sargeants, Marmals-men, and Baliffes are fent forth, who lie fcowting at euery corner, & with terrible pawes haunt euery walke. In conclufion the bird that thefe Hawkes flie after, is feazd vpon, then are his fethers

LANTPIORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 237

pluck'd, his eftate look'd into : the are his wings broken, his lads made ouer to a ftrager : then muft our yong Ton and heire pay 500 1. (for which he neuer had but 66. 1.) or elfe lie in prifon. To keep himfelfe from which, he feales to any bond, enters into any ftatut, morgageth any Lordfhip, Does any thing, Saies any thing, yeelds

7 A ^ fnfelixvitis

to pay any thing. And thefe Citty. exciditipst ftormes (which will wet a man till he haue neuer a dry threed about him, tho he be kept neuer fo war me) fall not vpon him once or twife : But being a little way in, he cares not how deepe he wades : y greater his pofleflions are, the apter he is to take vp & to be trufted : the more he is trufted, the more he comes in debt, the farther in debt, the Flumina riuos- neerer to danger. Thus Gentlemen are wrought vpo, thus are they Cheated, thus are they Ferreted, thus are they Vndonne.

K- Fawlconers.

Of a new kinde of Hawking teaching how to catch birds by bookes.

Vnting and Hawking are of kin, and there fore it is fit they mould keepe

n i_ c , Hawking.

company together : Both or them are

noble Games, and Recreations, honeft and health-

H

238 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

ful, yet they may fo be abufed that nothing can be more hurtfull. In Hunting^ the Game is com monly ftill before you, or i'th hearing, and within a little compaffe : In Hawking / the game flies farre Fades non °^ an(i oftentimes out of fight : A ™2d£Z£ Couple of Rookes therefore (that were birds of the laft feather) confpired to gether to leaue their neft, in the Citty, and to flutter abroad, into the countrie : Vpon two leane hackneies were thefe two Doff or doddipols horft ; Ciuilly fuited, that they might carry about them fome badge of a Scholler.

The diuels Ranck-ryder^ that came from the laft Citty-huting, vnderftanding that two fuch Light-horfemen, were gon a Hawking^ pofts after and ouer-takes them. After fome ordinary high way talk, he begins to queftion of what profeffion they were? One of them fmyling fcornfully in his face, as thinking him to be fome Gull, (and * Oui nisi quod* indeed ^ucn fellowes take all men for Gulles who the7 thinke to be beneath tjiem jn quailing) tolde him they were

Falconers. But the Foxe that followed them feeing no properties, (belonging to a Falconer) about them, fmelt knauery, took them for a paire" of mad rafcals, & therfore refolued to fee at what thefe Falconers would let flie.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 239

How to caft vp the Lure.

AT laft on a fuddaine Tales on[e] of them to him, fir, wee haue Sprung a Partridge, Thefirst' and fo fare you wel : which wordes Noate> came ftammering out with the hafte that they made, for prefently the two Forragers of the Countrie, were vppon the Spurre : Plutoes Pofl feeing this, flood ftill to watch them, and at length faw them in maine gallop make toward a goodly faire place, where either fome Knight or fome great Gentleman kept : and this goodly houfe belike was the Partridge which thofe falconers had fprung. Hee beeing loath to loofe his fhare in this Hawk- ing, and hauing power to transfer me himfelfe as hee lifted, came thither as foone as they, but be held all (which they did) inuifible. They both like two Knights Errant alighted at the Gate, knocked and were lette in : the one walkes the Hackneyes in an outward Court, as if hee had bene but Squire to Sir Dagonety The other / (as boldly as Saint George when he dar'd the dragon at his verrie Den) marcheth vndauntedly vp to the Hall, where looking ouer thofe poore creatures of the houfe, that weare but the bare Blew-coates (for Aquila non capit Mufcas) what mould a Falconer meddle with flies ? hee onely falutes him that in his eye

24o LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

feemes to bee a Gentlemanlike fellow : Of him

*Et qua no ne afkes for his good Knight or fo, and

^S^nSL faies that he is a * Gentleman come from

London on a bufineffe, which he muft

deliuer to his owne Worfhipfull Rare. Vp the

ftaires does braue Mount Dragon afcend : the

Knight and he encounter, and with this ftaffe

does he valiantly charge vpon him.

How the Bird is Caught.

Sir I am a poore * Scholler, and the report of your vertues hath drawne me hither, *senstosfuit vetituroufly bolde to fixe your worthy Ter. name as a patronage to a poore fhort difcourfe which here I dedicate (out

<£ ™y loue)>to y°ur noble and eterna11

*&*** Memory : this fpeech he vtters barely.

The Hawking pamphleter is then bid to put on, whilft his Mifcellane Mtecenas, opens a booke fairely aparreld in vellom with gilt fillets & fore- penny filke ribbon at leaft, like little ftreamers on the top of a Marchpane Cattle, hanging dandling by at y foure corners : the title being fuperficially furuaide, in the next leafe he fees that the Author hee hath made him one of his Goffips: for the booke carries his worfhips name, & vnder it ftands an Epiftle iuft the length of a Hench-mans grace

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 241

before dinner, which is long inough for any booke in conference, vnlefle the writer be vnreafonable.

The knight being told before hand, that this little funbeame of Phoebus (fhining thus brifkly in print) hath his Mite or Atmy wayting vppon him in the outward court, thankes him for his loue and labour, and considering with himfelfe, what coft he hath beene at, and how farre he hath ridden to come to him, he knowes that Patrons and Godfathers are to pay fcot and lot alike, and there / fore to cherim his young and tender Mufe, he giues him foure or fixe Angells, inuiting him either to ftay breakefaft, or if the fundiall of the houfe points towards eleauen, then to tary dinner.

How the bird is dreft.

BUt the fifh being caught (for which our Heliconian Angler threw out his lines) with thankes, and legs, and kifling his own hand, he parts. No fooner is he horft, but his Hoftler (who all this while walked the iades, and trauailes vp & down with him, like an vndeferuing plaier for halfe a fhare) afkes this queftion, Strawes or not? Strawes cries the whole Jharer and a halfe : away then replies the firft, flie to our neft : stultU5quoq.

This neft is neuer in the fame but commonly a mile or two off ; and it is nothing D. in. 16

242 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

els but the next Tauerne they come to. But the Village into which they rode being not able to maintaine an luybufh, an Ale-houfe was their HOW birds Inne : where aduancing themfelues into afterethreystbe tne faireft Chamber, and beefpeaking

caught. tke j^fl. cheere in the towne for dinner, down they fit, & fliare before they fpeake of any thing els : That done, he that ventures vpon all he meetes, and difcharges the paper Bullets, (for to tell truth, the other ferues but as a figne, and is meerely nobody} beginnes to difcourfe, how he caried himfelfe in the action, how he was en- countred : how he flood to his tackling, and how well hee came off: he cals the Knight, a Noble fellow, yet they both fhrug, and laugh, and fweares they are glad they haue Guld him.

More arrowes muft they fhoote of the fame length that this firft was off, and therfore there is Trunckful of Trinckets, thats to fay, their budget of Bookes, is opend againe, to fee what leafe they are to turne ouer next ; which whilft they are dooing, the Ghoft that al this fpace haunted them, and hard what they faid, hauing excellent {kill in the blacke-art, thats to fay in picking of lockes, maks the dore fuddenly flye open (which they had clofely mut)./ At his ftrange entrance they being fomwhat agaft, began to muffle away their bookes, but he knowing what

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 243

cardes they plaide withal, ofFred to cut, and turnd vp two Knaues by this trick : My maifters (quoth he) I knowe where you haue bin, I know what you haue don, I know what you meane to do. I fee now you are Falconers indeed, but by the (and then he fwore a damnable oth) vnlefTe you teach me to fhoote in this Birding-peece* I will raife the Village, fend for the knight whome you boaft you haue guldy and fo difgrace you : for your money I care not.

The two Free-booters feeing themfelues fmoakd, told their third Brother, he feemd to be a gentle man and a boone companion : they prayed him therefore to fit downe with filence, and (i thence dinner was not yet ready, hee fhould heare all.

This new kinde of Hawking (qd. one of them) which you fee vs vfe, can afford no name vnles 5. be at it, viz.

1. He that cafts vp the Lure is calld the Falconer.

2. The Lure that is caft vp is an idle Pamphlet.

3. The Tercel Gentle that comes to the Lure, is fome knight or fome gentleman of like qualitie.

4. The Bird that is preied vpon, is Money.

5. Hee that walkes the horfes, and hunts dry foote, is cald a Mongrel! .

244 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

'The Falconer and his Spaniell.

THe Falconer hauing fcraped together certaine fmall paringes of witte, he firft cuttes them hanfomely in pretty peeces, and of thofe peeces does he patch vppe a booke. This booke he prints at his own charge, the Mongrell running vppe and downe to look to the workemen, and bearing likewife fome parte of the coft, (for which he enters vpon his halfe fhare). When it is fully finifhed, the Falconer and his Mongrell, (or it may bee two Falconers ioyne in one,) but howfoeuer, it is by them deuifed what Shire in England it is beft to forrage next : that / beeing fet downe, the Falconers deale either with a Herauld for a note of all the Knights and Gentlemens names of worth that dwell in that circuit, which they meane to ride, or els by inquiry get the chiefeft of them, printing of fo many Epiftles as they haue names ; y epiftles Dedicatory being all one, and vary in nothing but in the titles of their patrons.

Hauing thus furnimed themfelues and packed

strange VP tne^r wares, away they trudge like

hawking. tjnckerSj wjtn a budget at one of their

backes, or it may be the circle they meane to

coniure in mall not be out of London, efpecially

if it be Tearme-time, or when a Parliament is

holden (for then they haue choife of fweete-meats

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 245

to feed vppon.) If a gentleman feeing one of thefe bookes Dedicated onely to his name, fufpect it to be a baftard, that hath more fathers befides himfelfe, and to try that, does deferre the Pre- fenter for a day or two, fending in the meane time (as fome haue done) into Paules Church-yard amongft the ftationers, to inquire if any fuch worke be come forth, & if they cannot tell, then to fteppe to the Printers : Yet haue the Falconers a tricke to goe beyond fuch Hawkes too, for all they flye fo hie. And that is this : The bookes lye all at the Printers, but not one line of an epiftle to any of them (thofe bug-bears lurke in Tenebris) : if then the Spy that is fent by his Maifter, a(k why they haue no dedications to them, Mounfier Printer tels him, the author would not venture to adde any to them all, (fauing onely to that which was giuen to his Maifter,) vntill it was knowne whether he could accept of it or no.

This fatisfies the Patron, this fetches money from him : and this Cozens flue hundred befides. Nay there bee othere Bird catchers that vfe ftranger Quaile-pipes : you fhal haue fellowes, foure or fiue in a contry, that buying vp any old Booke (efpecially a Sermon, or any other matter of Diuinity) that lies fort waft paper, and is clean forgotten, ad a new-printed Epiftle to it, and with an Alphabet of letters which they cary about them,

246 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

being able to / print any mans names (for a Dedica tion) on the fuddaine, trauaile vp and downe mofte Shires in Englad, and Hue by this Hawking.

Are we not excellent Falconers now ? (quoth three half mares) : excellent villaines cryed the deuils Deputy : by this the meate for dinner came fmoaking in, vpon which they fell moft tirannically, yet (for maners fake) offring firft, to the Balif of Belzebub the vpper end of the table ; but he fearing they would make a Hauke or a Buzzard of him too, and report they had ridden him like an Afle, as they had done others, out a doores hee flung with a vengeance as he came.

O facred Learning \ why dooft thou fuffer thy

feauen leaued tree, to be plucked by barbarous and

moft vnhallowed handes ? Why is thy beatifull

Maiden-body, polluted like a ftrumpets,

Cur egosineq r r .

ignoreq ; Potea and proftituted to beaftly and flauim

salutor.

Ignorance ? O thou Bafe-broode, that make the Mufes harlots, yet fay they are your Mothers ? You 'Theeues of Wit^ Cheators of Arte, traitors of fchooles of Learning: murderers of Schollers. More worthy you are, to vndergoe the Romane Furca like flaues, and to be branded ith fore-head deeper then they that forge teftaments to vndoe Orphants : Such doe but rob children of goods that may be loft : but you rob Schollers of their Fame, which is deerer then life. You are

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGTIT. 247

not worth an Inuectiue, not worthy to haue your names dropp out of a deferuing pen, you fhall onely bee executed in Picture : (as they vfe to handle Malefactors in France,) and the picture (though it were drawne to be hung vp in another place) fhal leaue you impudently-arrogat to your felues, and ignominioufly-ridiculous to after ages : in thefe collours, are you drawne.

The true picture of thefe Falconers.

'There be Fellowes

Of courfe and common bloud ; Mechanicke

i pectora c&la

knaues, $££

Whofe wits lye deeper buried then in graues , And indeedejmell more earthy ; whoje creation Was I but to giue a Boote or Shooe good fajhion. Tet theje (throwing by the Apron and the Awle) Being drunck with their own wit, cafl vp Scribimus

their gall indocti> doctiq;

Onely of yncke : and in patchd, beggerly Rimes, (As full offowle corruption, as the 'Times) From towne to towne they ftrowle in Joule, as poore As tli are in clothes : yet thefe at euery doore, 'Their labors Dedicate. But (as at Faires) Like Pedlars, they Jhew flill one fort of wares Vnto all commers (with fome fide oration) And thus to giue bookes, nows an occupation.

248 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

One booke hathjeauenjcore patrons : thus defart Is cheated of her due : thus noble art

Miserum est

cuberefamcB.

Giues Ignorance (that common ftrumpet )

d \

place, Thus the true Jchollers name grtoves cheap &f bafe.

lacks of the Clock-houfe.

A new and cunning drawing of money from Gentlemen.

Chap. 6.

THere is another Fraternitie of wandring Pilgrims who merrily call themfelues lackes of the Clocke-houfe > and are verry neere allyed to the Falconers that went a Hawking before. The Clarke of Erebus fet downe their names too in his Tables, with certain breefe notes of their pradtifes : and thefe they are.

The lacke of a Clocke-houfe goes vppon Screws, and his office is to do nothing but ftrike : fo does this noife, (for they walke vp and downe like Fidlers) trauaile with Motions ; and whatfbeuer their Motions get them, is called ftriking.

Thofe Motions are certaine Collections, or wittie Inuentions, fome-times of one thing, and then of an other (there is a new one now in rime, in praife of the Vnion\ And thefe are fairely written and

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 249

engrofled in Vellum, Parchement, or Royall paper, richly adorned with / com parti men ts, and fet out with letters both in gold and in various coullours. This labour being taken, the Maifter of the Motion hearkens where fuch a Nobleman, fuch a Lord, or fuch a Knight lyes, that is liberall : hauing found one to his liking, The Motion (with his Patrons name fairely texted out, in manner of a Dedication,) is prefented before him : he receiues it, and thinking it to be a work onely vndertaken for his fake, is bounteous to the giuer, efteeming him a Scholler, and knowing that not without great trauaile, hee hath drawne fo many little ftragling ftreames into fo faire and fmoothe a Riuer : whereas the Worke is the labour of fome other (copied out by ftealth), he an impudent ignorant fellow, that runnes vp and downe with the Tranfcripts; and euery Ale-houfe may haue one of them (hanging in the bafeft drinking roome) if they will bee but at the charges of writing it out. Thus the liberalise of a Nobleman, or of a Gentleman is abufed : thus learning is brought into fcorne and contempt : Thus men are cheated of their bountie, giuing much for that (out of their free mindes) which is common abroad, and put away for bafe prices. Thus villanie fome- times walkes alone, as if it were giuen to Melan- cholly, and fome-times knaues tie themfelues in

25o LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

a knot, becaufe they may be more merry, as by a mad fort of Comrades whome I fee leaping into the Saddle, anon it will apeare.

Rancke-Riders,

The manner of Cozening Inn-keepers. Poft-maifters and Hackny-men.

Chap. 7.

~**Here is a troope of Horfemen, that runne vp JL and downe the whole kingdome : they are euer in a gallop, their bufinefTe is weightie, their iournies many, their / expences greate, their Innes euerie where, their lands no where : they haue onely a certaine Free-holde cald Tyberne (fcituate neere London, and many a faire paire of Gallowes in other Countries befides,) vppon which they Hue verie poorely till they dye, and dye for the mode part wickedly, becaufe their Hues are villanous and defperate. But what race fo euer they runne, there they end it, there they fet vp their reft, there is their laft halte, whether foeuer their iourney lyes. And thefe horfemen haue no other names but ranck Riders.

To furnifh whome foorth for any iourney, they muft haue Riding futes cut out of thefe foure peeces.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 251

1. The Inne-keeper or Hackney-man, of whome they haue horfes, is cald A Colt.

2. He that neuer alights off a rich Farmer or country Gentleman, till he haue drawne money from him, is called The Snaffle.

3. The money fo gotten, is The Ring.

4. He that feedes them with mony is called The prouander.

Thefe Ranck-riders (like Butchers to Rumford market) fildome goe vnder fixe or feauen in a company, and thefe Careeres they fetch. Their purfles being warmly lined with fome purchafe gotten before, and they thefelues well booted and fpur'd, and in reafonable good outfides, arriue at the faireft Inne they can choofe, either in Weft- minfter, the Strand, the Cittie, or the Suburbes.

Two of them who haue cloathes of purpofe to fitte the play, carrying the (hew of

«=W * & m The manner

Gentlemen : the other ace their partes ofBrideiing

* a colt.

in blew coates, as they were their Seruingmen, though indeede they be all fellowes. They enter all durted or duftied (according as it fhall pleafe the high way to vfe them) and the firft bridle they put into the Colts mouth (thats to fay the Inkeepers) is at their comming in to afke alowde if the footeman be gone backe with the horfes ? tis anfwered yes. Heere, the Ranck-riders lye three or foure daies, fpending moderately

25 2 LA NTHORNE A ND CA NDLE-LIGHT.

enough, yet abating / not a penny of any reckon ing to fhew of what houfe they come : in w fpace their counterfeit followers learne what countryman the maifter of the houfe is, where the Hoftlars and Chamberlaines were borne, and what other countrie Gentlemen are guefts to the Inne ? which lefTons being prefently gotten by heart, they fal in ftuddy with the Generall rules of their knauerie : and thofe are, firft to giue out, that their Maifter is a Gentleman of fuch and fuch meanes, in fuch a mire (which mall be fure to ftand farre enough from thofe places where any of the houfe, or of other guefts were borne,) that hee is come to receiue fo many hundred poundes vppon land which he hath folde, and that hee meanes to Inne there fome quarter of a yeare at leaft.

This Brafle money pafTmg for currant through the houfe, hee is more obferued and better at tended, is worshipped at euerie word: and the eafier to breake and bridle the Coif, his Worjhi'p will not fit downe to Dinner or fupper, till the Maifter of the houfe be placed at the vpper end of the boord by him.

In the middle of Supper, or elfe verie earely in the following morning, comes in a counterfeit footeman, fweatingly, deliuering a meflage that fuch a Knight hath fent for the head- Maifter of thefe Rancke-ryders, and that hee muft bee with

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 253

him by fuch an houre, the iourney being not aboue twelue or foureteene miles. Vpon deliuerie of this meflage, (from fo deere and noble a friend) he fweares and chafes, becaufe all his horfes are out of Towne, curfeth the fending of them backe, offers any money to haue himfelfe, his couzen with him, and his me but reafonably horft. Mine hoft being a credulous Afle, fuffers them all to get vppe vpon him, for hee prouides them horfes either of his owne (thinking his Gueft to be a man of great accompte, and beeing loath to loofe him, becaufe hee fpends well) or elfe fendes out to hire them of his neighbours, patting his word for their forthcomming /with in a day or two. Vp they get and away Gallop our Ranck-riders, as far as the poore lades can carry them.

The two daies being ambled out of the worlde, and perhaps three more after them, yet neither a fupply of Horfe-men or Foote-men, (as was promifed) to be fet eye vppon. The lamentable In-keeper (or Hackney man, if he chance to be Sadled for this iourney too) loofe their Colts teeth, and finde that they are made olde arrant lades : Search, then runnes vp and downe like a Conftable halfe out of his wittes (vppon a Shroue-tuefday) ^ and hue and cry folio wes after, fome twelue or foureteene miles off, (round about London) ; which was the fartheft of their iourney as they gaue out.

254 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

But (alas !) the horfes are at pafture foure fcore or a hundred miles from their olde mangers : they were fould at fome blinde drunken theeuifh faire, (there beeing enow of them in company to faue themfelues, by their Toll-booke,) the Seru ing-men caft off their blew coates, and cried All fellow es \ the money is fpent vpon wine, vpon whores, vpon fidlers, vpo fooles (by whom they wil loofe nothing) and the tyde beeing at an ebbe, they are as ready to practife their ikill in horfe-manmip to bring Coltes to the faddle in that Towne, and to make Nags run a race of three-fcore or a hundred miles of from that place, as before they did from

London.

\

Running at the Ring.

THus, fo long as Horfeflefli can make them fat, they neuer leaue , feeding. But when they haue beaten fo many high-waies in feuerall countries, that they feare to be ouer taken by Tracers, then (like Soldiers comming from a Breach) they march faire & foftly on foot, lying in garrifon as it were, clofe in fome out townes, til the foule Rumor of their Villanies (like a ftormy durty winter) be blown ouer : In which time of lurking in y mel, they are not idle neither, but like fnailes they venture abroad tho the / law hath threatned to rain downe neuer fo much punifhmet

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 255

vpon them : and what do they ? they are not bees, to Hue by their owne painfull labors, but Drones that muft eat vp the fweetnefle, and be fedde with the earnings of others : This therefore is their worke. They carelefly inquire what gentleman of worth, or what rich Farmers dwell within fiue, fix or feauen miles of the Fort where they are infconc'd (which they may do without fufpition) and hauing gotte their names, they (ingle out themfelues in a morning, and each man takes a feuerall path to himfelfe : one goes Eaft, one IVefl^ one North, and the other South : walking either in bootes with wandes in their handes, or other wife, for it is all to one purpofe. And note this by the way, that when they trauell thus on foot, they are no more call'd Ranck-riders but Strowlers ; a proper name giuen to Country platers, that (with out Socks) trotte from towne to towne vpon the hard hoofe.

Being arriu'd at the Gate where the Gentleman or Farmer dwelleth, he boldly knocks, inquiring for him by name, and fteppes in to fpeake with him : the feruant feeing a fafhionable perfon, tells his Maifter there is a Gentleman defires to fpeake with him : the maifter comes and falutes him, but eying him well, faies he does not know him : No Sir, replies the other (with a face bolde ynough) it may be fo, but I pray you, Sir, will you walke

256 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

a turne or two in your Orchard or Garden, I would there conferre: Hauing got him thether, to this tune he plaies vppon him.

How the Jnaffle is put on.

Sir, I am a Gentleman, borne to better meanes then my prefent fortunes doe allow me : I ferued in the field, and had commaunde there, but long peace (you knowe Sir) is the Cancker that eates vp Souldiers, and fo it hath mee. I lie heere not far off, in the Country at mine Inne, where ftaying vppon the difpatch/of fome bufi- nefle, I am indebted to the houfe in moneys, fo that I cannot with the credit of a Gentleman leaue the houfe till I haue paide them. Make mee fir fo much beholden to your loue as to lend me fortye or fiftie failings to beare my horfe and my felfe to London ; from whence within a day or two, I mall fend you many thanks with a faithful repayment of your curtefie.

The honeft Gentleman, or the good natur'd Farmer beholding a perfonable man, fafhionably attir'd, and not carrying in outward coullors, the face of a cogging knaue, giues credit to his words, is forry that they are not at this prefent time fo well furnifhed as they could wifh, but if a matter of twenty millings can ftead him, he fhall com- maund it, becaufe it were pittie any honeft

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 257

Gentleman fhould for fo fmall a matter mifcarry. Happilye they meete with fome Chap-men that giue them their owne afking ; but howfoeuer, all is fim that comes to net ; they are the moft con- fcionable market folkes that euer rode betweene two paniers, for from fortie they will fall to twentie, from twenty to ten, from ten to fiue : nay thefe mountibanckes are fo bafe, that they are not afhamed to take two millings of a plaine hufbandman, and fometimes fixe pence (which the other giues (imply and honeftly) of whome they demaunded a whole fifteene.

In this manner doe they digge filuer out of mens purfes, all the day, and at night meet together at the appointed Rendeuouz\ where all these Snaffles are loofed to their full length, the Ringes which that day they haue made are worne. The Prouender is praifed or difpraifed, as they finde it in goodnefle, but it goes downe all, whilft they laugh at all.

And thus does a Common-wealth bring vp children, that care not how they difcredit her, or vndoe her : who would imagine that Birdes fo faire in mewe, and fo fweete in voice, mould be fo dangerous in condition ? but Rauens thinke carryon the daintieft meate, and villains / efteeme moft of that money which is purchaft by bafenes.

The Vnder Sheriffe for the county of the Caco-

D. in. I?

258 LANTPIORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

demos, knowing into what arrearages thefe Rank- riders were runne for horfe-flefh to his maifter, (of whome he farmed the office) fent out his writs to attach them, and fo narrowly purfued the, that for all they were wel horft, fome he fent poft to the gallowes, and the reft to feuerall iayles : After which, making all the haft he pofibly could to get to London againe, he was way-layd by an army of a ftrange & new found people.

Moone men.

A difcouery of a ftrange wild people, very dangerous to townes and country villages.

CHAP. VIII.

AMoone-man fignifies in Englifh, a mad-man, becaufe the Moone hath greateft domination (aboue any other Planet) ouer the bodies of Fran- tick perfons. But thefe Moone-men (whofe Images are now to be carued) are neither abfolutely mad, not yet perfectely in their wits. Their name they borrow from the Moone, becaufe as the Moone is neuer in one fhape two nights together, but wanders vp & downe Heauen, like an Anticke, fo thefe changeable-ftuffe-companions neuer tary one day in a place, but are the onely, and the onely bafe Ronnagats vpon earth. And as in the

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 259

Moone there is a man, that neuer ftirres without a bufh of thornes at his backe, fo thefe Moone- men lie vnder bufhes, & are indeed no better then Hedge creepers.

They are a people more fcattred then lewes, and more hated : beggerly in apparell, barbarous in condition, beaftly in behauior : and bloudy if they meete aduatage. A man that fees them would fweare they had all the yellow ^^ a moone lawndis, or that they were Tawny Moores baftardes, for no Red-oaker man caries a face of a more filthy / complexion ; yet are they not borne fo, neither has the Sunne burnt them fo, but they are painted fo : yet they are not good painters neither, for they do not make faces, but marre faces. By a by-name they are called Gipfies, they call themfelues Egiptians, others in mockery call them Moone-men.

If they be Egiptians, fure I am they neuer difcended from the tribes of any of thofe people that came out of the Land of Egypt: Ptolomy (King of the Egiptians) I warrant neuer called them his Subiects: no nor Pharao before him. Looke what difference there is betweene a ciuell cittizen of Dublin & a wilde Irim Kerne, fo much difference there is betweene one of thefe counter feit Egiptians and a true Englifh Begger. An Englim Roague is iuft of the fame liuery.

260 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

They are commonly an army about foure-fcore His order m ftrong, yet they neuer march with all footTorL^ing their bagges and baggages together, but (like boot-halers) they forrage vp and downe countries, 4. 5. or 6. in a company. As the fwizer has his wench and his Cocke with, him whe he goes to the warres, fo thefe vagabonds haue their harlots, with a number of litle children following at their heeles : which young brood of Beggers, are fometimes cartied (like fo many greene geefe aliue to a market) in payres of panieres, or in dofTers like fresh- fim from Rye y comes on horfebacke, (if they be but infants.) But if they can ftradle once, then afwell the mee-roagues as the hee-roagues are horft, feauen or eight vpon one iade, ftrongly pineond, and ftrangely tyed together.

One Shire alone & no more is fure ftil at one time, to haue thefe Egiptian lice fwarming within it, for like flockes of wild-geefe, they will euermore fly one after another : let them be fcattred worfe then the quarters of a traitor are after hees hang'd drawne and quartred, yet they haue a tricke (like water cut with a fwoord) to come together in- ftantly and eafily againe : and this is their pollicy, which way foeuer the formoft ranckes lead, they / fticke vp fmall boughes in feuerall places, to euery village where they pafTe ; which ferue as enfignes to waft on the reft.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 261

Their apparell is od, and phantafticke, tho it be neuer fo full of rents : the men weare

r His Furniture.

icarfes of Callico, or any other bafe ftuffe, hanging their bodies like Morris-dancers, with bels, & other toyes, to intice the coutrey people to flocke about them, and to wounder at their fooleries or rather rancke knaueryes. The women as ridiculoufly attire themfelues, and (like one that plaies the Roague on a ftage) weare rags, and patched filthy mantles vpermoft, when the vnder garments are hanfome and in famion.

The battailes thefe Out-lawes make, are many and very bloudy. Whofoeuer falles into His manner their hands neuer efcapes aliue, & fo ofm£ht- cruell they are in thefe murders, that nothing can fatisfie the but the very heart-bloud of thofe whom they kill. And who are they (thinke you) that thus go to the pot ? AlafTe ! Innocent Lambs, Sheep, Calues, Pigges, &c. Poultrie-ware are more churlifhly handled by them, the poore prifoners are by keepers in the counter it'h Poultry. A goofe comming amongft them learnes to be wife, that hee neuer wil be Goofe any more. The bloudy tragedies of al thefe, are only acted by y Wome, who carrying long kniues or Skeanes vnder their mantles, do thus play their parts : The Stage is fome large Heath : or a Firre bu(h Common, far from any houfes : Vpo which cafting them-felues

262 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

into a Ring, they inclofe the Murdered, till the MafTacre be finished. If any paflenger come by, and wondring to fee fuch a coiuring circle kept by Hel-houdes, demaund what fpirits they raife there ? one of the Murderers fteps to him, poyfons him w fweete wordes and fhifts him off, with this lye, y one of the wome is falne in labour. But if any m^Hakt hearing this, fmell villanie, & rufh in by violence to fee what the tawny Diuels are dooing, the they excufe the fact, lay the blame on thofe that are the Actors, & perhaps (if they fee / no remedie) deliuer them to an officer, to be had to punifhment : But by the way a refcue is furely laid; and very valiantly (tho very villanoufly) do they fetch them off, & guard them.

The Cabbines where thefe Land-pyrates lodge in the night, are the Out-bar nes of Farmers & Hufbandmen, (in fome poore Village or other) who dare not deny them, for feare they mould ere morning haue their thatched houfes burning about their eares : in thefe Barnes, are both their Ccoke-roomes, their Supping Parlors, and their Bed-chambers : for there they drefTe after a beaftly manner, what foeuer they purchaft after a theeuim fafhion : fometimes they eate Venifoti, & haue Greyhoundes that kill it for the, but if they had not, they are Houndes them-felues & are damnable Hunters after flem : Which appeares by their vgly-

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 263

fac'd queanes that follow them : with whom m thefe barnes they lie, as Swine do together in Hogfties.

Thefe Barnes are the beds of Incefts, Whore- domes, Adulteries, & of all other blacke

., . . T , His qualities

and deadly - damned Impieties ; here whilst he lies growes the Curfed Tree of Baftardie, that is fo fruitfull : here are writte the Bookes of al Blafphemies, Swearings & Curfes, y are fo dread- full to be read. Yet the (imple country-people will come running out of their houfes to gaze vpo them, whilft in the meane time one fteales into the next Roome, and brings away whatfoeuer hee can lay hold on. Vpon daies of paftime & libertie, they Spred them-felues in fmal companies amogft the Villages: and when young maids & batchelers (yea fometimes old ventures *&• doting fooles, that fhould be beate to this world of villanies, & forewarn others) do flock about the : they then profefle fkil in Palmeftry, & (forfooth) can tel fortunes : which for .the moft part are infallibly true, by reafon that they worke vppon rules, which are grouded vpon certainty : for one of them wil tel you that you fhal fhortly haue fome euill luck fal vpon you, & within halfe an houre after you fhal find your pocket pick'd, or your purfe / cut. Thefe are thofe Egiftian Grajhoppers that eate vp the fruites of the Earth, and deftroy

264 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

the poore corne fieldes : to fweepe whofe fwarmes out of this kingdome, there are no other meanes but the fharpnes of the moft infamous & bafeft kinds of punifhment. For if the vgly body of this Monfter be fuffred to grow & fatten it felfe with mifchiefs and diforder, it will haue a neck fo Sinewy & fo brawny, that the arme of y law will haue much ado to ftrike of y Head, fithence euery day the mebers of it increafe, & it gathers new ioints & new forces by Triggers, Anglers, Cheators, Morts, Yeomens Daughters (that haue taken fome by blowes, & to auoid mame, fall into their Sinnes:) and other Seruants both men & maides that haue beene pilferers, with al the reft of that Damned Regiment, marching together in y firft Army of the Bell-man, who running away from theyr own Coulours (w are bad ynough) ferue vnder thefe, being the worft. Ludfers Lanfprizado that ftood aloof to behold the muftrings of thefe Hell-houds, took delight to fee them Double their Fyles fo nimbly, but held it no pollicy to come neere the (for the Diuell him-felfe durft fcarce haue done that.) Away therefore hee gallops, knowing that at one time or other they would all come to fetch their pay in Hell.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 265

Tlhe I'nfe&ion

•

Of the Suburbs. Chap. IX.

THe Infernall Promoter beeing wearied w riding vp & downe the Country, was glad when he had gotten the Citty ouer his head, but the Citty being not able to hold him within the freedome, becaufe he was a Forreiner, the gates were fette wide open for him to pafle through, & into the Suburbes hee went. And what faw hee there p More Ale-houfes than there are Tauernes in all Sfayne & France. Are they fo dry in the Suburbs ? Yes, pockily dry. What faw he befides ?

Hee / faw the dores of notorious Carted Bawdes, (like Hell-gates) ftand night and day

~. TT . / Nodes atqut

wide open, with a paire or Harlots in dicpatctiania TafFata gownes (like two painted pofts) garniming out thofe dores, beeing better to the houfe then a Double ftgne: when the dore of a poore Artificer (if his child had died but w one Toke of death about him) was clofe ram'd vp and Guarded for feare others ihould haue beene infe&ed: Yet the plague that a Whore-houfe layes vpo a Citty is worfe, yet is laughed at: if not

266 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

laughed at, yet not look'd into, or if look'd into, W inched at.

The Tradefman hauing his houfe lockd vp, loofeth his cuftomers, is put from worke and vndone : whilft in the meane time the ftrumpet is fet on worke and maintain'd (perhaps) by thofe that vndoe the other: giue thankes O wide mouth'd Hell ! laugh Llicifer at this, Dance for ioy all you Diuells.

Belzebub keepes the Regifter booke, of al y Bawdes, Panders & Curtizans : & hee knowes, that thefe Suburb finners haue no landes to liue vpon but their legges : euery prentice paffing by them, can fay, 'There fits a whore : Without putting them to their booke they will fweare fo much themfelues : if fo, are not Counftables, Church wardens, Bayliffes, Beadels & other Officers, Pillars and Pillowes to all the villanies, that are by thefe committed ? Are they not parcell-Bawdes to winck at fuch damned abufes, confidering they haue whippes in their owne handes, and may draw bloud if they pleafe? Is not the Land-lord of fuch rentes the Graund-Bawde ? & the Dore Keeping miftrefle of fuch a houfe of finne, but his Vnder-Bawd ? fi thence hee takes twenty pounds ret euery yeare, for a vaulting fchoole (which fro no Artificer liuing by the hardnefTe of the hand could bee worth fiue pound.) And that twenty

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 267

pound rent, hee knowes muft bee preft out of petticoates : his money fmells of fin : the very filuer lookes pale, becaufe it was earned by luft.

How happy therefore were Citties if they had no Suburbes, fithence they ferue but as caues, where monfters are / bred vp to deuowre the Citties them-felues? Would the Diuell hire a villaine to fpil bloud ? there he fhall finde him. One to blafpheme ? there he hath choice. A Pandar that would court a matron at her praiers ? hees there. A cheator that would turne his owne father a begging ? Hees there too : A harlot that would murder her new-borne Infant? Shee lies in there.

What a wretched wombe hath a ftrumpet, which being (for the moft) barren of Children, is not- withilading the onely Bedde that breedes vp thefe Jerpents ? vpo that one ftalke grow all thefe mis- chiefes. Shee is the Cockatrice that hatcheth all thefe egges of euills. When the Diuell takes the Anatomy of all danable finnes, he lookes onely vpon her body. Whe Jhe dies, he fits as her Coroner. When her foule comes to hell, all fhunne that there, as they flie from a body ftruck with the plague here. She hath her dore-keeper, andjbe herfelfe is the Diuells chaber-maide. And yet for all this, that fhee's fo dangerous and deteft- able, when me hath croak'd like a Rauc on the

268 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Eues, then comes me into the houfe like a Doue. When her vilJanies (like the mote about a caftle) are rancke, thicke, and muddy, with {landing long together, then (to purge herfelf) isjbe dreined out of the Suburbes (as though her corruption were there left behind her) and as a cleere ftreame is let into the Citty. ,

What armor a harlot weares comming out of the Suburbes to bejiege the Citty within the wals.

VPon what perch then does me fit ? what part plaies me then? onely the Puritane. If before me ruffled in filkes, now is me more ciuilly attird then a Mid-wife. If before me fwaggred in Tauernes, now with the Snaile me ftirreth not out of dores. And where muft her lodging be take vp, but in the houfe of fome cittize, whofe known reputation, me borrowes (or rather fteales) putting it on as a cloake to couer her deformities ? Yet eue in that, hath me an art too, for he malbe of fuch a profefllon, that all comers /may enter, without the dager of any eyes to watch the. As for example Jhe wil lie in fome Scriueners houfe , & fo vnder the collour of comming to haue a Bond made, me herfelfe may write Nouerint vniuerft. And tho the law threaten to hit her neuer fo often, yet hath me fubtile defences to ward off the biowes. For, if Gallants haut the

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 269

houfe, then fpreds fhe thefe collours : /he is a captaine or a lieutenats wife in the Low-coutries, & they come with letters, from the fouldier her hufband. If Marchants refort to her, then hoiftes fhe vp thefe fay tes, me is wife to the Maifter of a fhippe, & they bring newes y her hufbad put in at the Straytes, or at Venice, at Aleppo, Alexandria, or Scanderoon, &c. If Jhop keepers come to her, with what do you lack, in their mouthes, the fhe takes vp fuch & fuch commodities, to fend them to Rye, to Briftow, to Yorke, &c. where her hufband dwells. But if the ftreame of her fortunes runne low, and that none but Apronmen lanch forth there then keepes fhe a pollitick tempfters mop, or fhe ftarches them.

Perhaps fhee is fo pollitick, that none fhalbe noted to board her : if fo, then fhe failes

- r • c ~ rr r r How a citty

vpo thele points or the copane : lo loone punck Rang- as euer fhe is rig'd, and al her furniture on, forth fhe lancheth into thofe ftreetes that are moft frequeted : where the firft man that fhe meetes of her acquaintance, fhal (without much pulling) get her into a Tauerne : out of him fhe kijjes a breakefaft & then leaues him : the next fhe meetes, does vpon as eafie pullies, draw her to a Tauerne againe ; out of him fhe cogs a dinner, & then leaues him : the third man, f quires her to a play, w being ended, & the wine offred & taken

270 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

(for fhe's no Recufant, to refufe any thing) him

fhe leaues too : and being fet vpon by a fourth,

him fhe anfwers at his own weapo, fups with

him, & drincks Vpfie Freeze, til the clok ftriking

Twelue, and the Drawers being drowzy, away

they march arme in arme, being at euery foot-

ftep fearful to be fet vpo by the Band of

Halberdiers, that lie fcowting in rug gownes

to cut of fuch mid-night ftraglers. But the

word / being giuen, & who goes there, with come

before the Conftable, being mot at them, they vaile

prefently & come, fhe taking vpon her to anfwer

al the Bil-men and their Leader, betweene whome

& her, fuppofe you heare this fleepy Dialogue :

where haue you bin fo late ? at fupper forfooth

with my vncle here (if he be wel bearded) or with

my brother (if the haire bee but budding forth) and

he is bringing me home. Are you married? yes

forfooth : whats your hufband ? fuch a Noble-mans

man, or fuch a luftices clarke, (And then name fome

Alderman of London, to whom me perfwades

herfelfe, one or other of the bench of browne

billes are beholding) where lye you ? At fuch a

mans houje : Sic tenues euanefcit in Auras : and

thus by flopping the Conftables mouth with fugar-

plummes (thats to fay,) whilft fhe poifons him with

/ I fweete wordes, the punck vanifheth. O Lanthorne

\ and Candle-light, how art thou made a blinde Afle ?

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 271

becaufe thou haft but one eye to fee withall : Be not fo guld, bee not fo dull in vnderftanding : do thou but follow aloofe thofe two tame Pigeons, & thou malt finde that her new Vncle lies by it al that night, to make his kinle-woman one ot mine Aunts\ or if fhee bee not in trauell all night, they fpend fome halfe an houre together : but what doe they ? marry, they doe that, which the Comtable mould haue done for them both in the ftreetes, thats to fay commit, commit^

You Guardians ouer fo great a Princeffe as the eldeft daughter of King Brutus : you twice twelue fathers and gouernours ouer the Nobleft Cittie, why are you fo careful to plant Trees to beautifie your outward walks, yet fuffer the goodlieft garden (within) to be ouer-run with ftincking weedes? You are the proining kniues that mould loppe off * fuch idle, fuch vnprofitable and fuch deftroying branches from the Vine: The beames of your Authoritie mould purge the ay re of fuch infec tion : your breath of luftice mould fcatter thofe foggy vapors, and driue them out of your gates as chaffe toffed abroad by the windes.

But / ftay : is our walking fpirit become an Orator to perfwade ? no, but the Eel-man of London with whom he met in this perambula tion of his, and to whom hee betraied himfelfe & opened his very bofome, (As hereafter you

272 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

fhall heare,) is bould to take vpon him that fpeakers Office.

Of Ginglers.

Or the knauery of Horfe-Courfers in Smith-field difcouered.

CHAP. X.

AT the end of fierce battailes, the onely Ren- deuouz for lame fouldiers to retire vnto, is an Hofpitall : and at the end of a long Pro- greffe, the onely ground for a tyred lade to runne in, is fome blind country faire, where he may be fure to be fold. To thefe Markets of vnwhole- fome Horfe-flefh, (like fo many Kites to feede vpon Carion) doe all the Horfe-courfers (that rooft about the Citty) flie one after another. And whereas in buying all other commodities, men ftriue to haue the beft, how great fo euer the price be, onely the Horfe-courfer is of a bafer minde, for the woorft horf-flem (fo it be cheape) does beft goe downe with him. He cares for nothing but a fayre out-fide, and a hanfome fhape (like thofe that hyre whores, though there be a hundred difeafes within) : he (as the other) ventures vpon the all.

The firft lefTon, therefore, that a Horfe-courfer takes out, when he comes to one of thefe Markets, is to make choyce of fuch Nags, Geldings, or

LANTHORNE AXD CANDLE-LIGHT. 273

Mares, efpecially, as are fatte, fay re, and well- fauor'd to the eye: and becaufe men delight to behold beautifull coullors, and that fome coulours are more delicate (euen in beafts) then others are, he will fo neere as he can, bargaine for thofe horfes that haue the daintieft complexion : as the Milke-white, the Gray, the Dapple-Gray, the Cole blacke with his proper markes (as the white ftarre in the forehead, the white /heele, &c.) or the bright Bay, with the like proper markes alfo. And the goodlier proportion ^ beaft carries or the fayrer markes or coulour that hee beares, are or ought to bee watch- words as it were to him that afterwards buyes him of the horfe-courfer, that he bee not coozend with an ouer-price for a bad peny- worth : becaufe fuch Horfes (belonging for the moft part to Gentlemen) are feldome or neuer folde away, but vpon fome fowle quality, or fbme incurable difeafe, which the Beaft is falne into. The Beft coulours are therefore the be ft Cloakes to hide thofe faults that moft disfigure a Horfe : and next vnto coulour, his Pace doth often-times deceiue and goe beyond a very quick ludgement.

Some of thefe Horfe-hunters, are as nimble

Knaues in finding out the infirmities of a lade,

as a Barber is in drawing of teeth: and albeit

(without cafting his water) hee does more readily

D. in. 18

274 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

reckon vp all the Aches, Crampes, Crickes, and whatfoeuer difeafe elfe lyes in his bones, and for thofe difeafes feemes vtterly to diflike him; yet if by looking vpon the Dyall within his mouth, he finde that his yeares haue ftruck but fiue, fixe, or feauen, and that he prooues but young, or that his difeafes are but newly growing vpon him, if they be outward; or haue but hayre and fkin to hide them, if they bee inward; let him fweare neuer fo damnably that it is but a lade, yet he will be fure to faften vpon him.

So then, a Horfe-courfer to the Merchant, (that out of his found Judgement buyes the faireft, the beft-bred, and the nobleft Horfes, felling them againe for breede or feruice, with plainnelTe and honefty,) is as the Cheator to the faire Gamefter : hee is indeed a meere ladim Nonopolitane, and deales for none but tyred, tainted, dull, and difeafed horfes. By which meanes, if

The picture . . . - . . , . -

of a Horse- his picture bee drawne to the lire, you

courser. n „ ,, - T7 _ - ~

mall nnde euery Horfe-courfer for the moft part to bee in quality a coozener, by pro- feflion a knaue, by his cunning a Varlet, in fayres a Hagling Chapman, in the Citty a Cogging difTembler, and / in Smith-field a common for- fworne Villaine. Hee will fweare any thing, but the fafter hee fweares, the more danger tis to beleeue him : In one forenoone, and in felling a

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 275

lade not worth fiue Nobles, will hee forfweare himfelfe fifteene times, and that forfwearing too (hall bee by Equiuocation. As for example, if an ignorant Chapman comming to beate the price, fay to the Horfe-courfer, your nagge is verie olde, — or thus many yeares olde, and reckon ten or twelue : hee claps his hand prefently on the buttocke of the beaft, and praies he may bee damb'd if the Horfe be not vnder fiue, meaning not that the horfe is vnder fiue yeares of age, but that he ftandes vnder fiue of his fingers, when his hand is clap'd vppon him. Thefe Horfe-courfers are called lynglers, and thefe lynglers hauing hide out their money on a company of lades at fome drunken fay re, vp to London they driue them, and vppon the Market day into Smithfield brauely come they prauncing. But leaft their lades fhould mew too many horfe trickes in Smith-field, before fo greate an Audience as commonly refort thither, their maifters doe therefore Schoole them at home after this manner.

How a Horje-courfer workes vpon a lade in his

own Stable^ to make him Jeruiceable for

a couzening Race in Smith-field.

THe Glanders in a horfe is fo filthy a difeafe, that he who is troubled with it, can neuer keep his nofe cleane : fo that when fuch a foule-

276 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

nofed lade happens to ferue a Horfe-courfer, hee hath more ftrange pils (then a

How a Horse- . & V.

courser may Pothecarie makes) for the purging or

coozenhis ,.,,,, , , - . ,

chap-man his head : he knowes that a hone with

with a horse .....

that hath the fuch a quahtie, is but a bealtly com-

Glanders. . ' , ,• ,

panion to trauell vppon the high way with anye Gentleman.

Albeit therefore that the Glanders haue played with his Nofe fo long, that hee knowes not how to mend himfelfe, / but that the difeafe beeing fufFered to runne vppon him many yeares to gether, is grown inuincible, yet hath our lingling Mountibancke Smithfield-rider a tricke to cure him, fiue or fixe waies, and this is one of them.

In the verie morning when hee is to bee rifled away amongft the Gamfters in Smithfield, before hee thruft his head out of his Maifters Stable, the Horfe-courfer tickles his nofe (not with a Pipe of Tobacco) but with a good quantitie of the beft Neefing powder that can bee gotten : which with a quil being blown vp into the Noftrills, to make it worke the better, he ftands poaking there vp and downe with two long feathers plucked from the wing of a Goofe, they beeing dipt in the iuice of Garlick, or in any ftrong oyle, and thruft vp to the verie top of his head, fo farre as poffibly they can reach, to make the pore dumbe beaft auoide the filth from his noftrils ; which hee will doe in

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 277

great aboundance : this being done, he comes to him with a new medicine for a fake horfe, and mingling the iuyce of Bruzed Garlike, fharpe biting Muftard, and ftrong Ale together, into both the Noftrils (with a Home) is powred a good quantitie of this filthy Broth ; which by the hand being held in by flopping the noftrils clofe to gether, at length with a little neezing more, his nofe will be cleaner then his Maifters the Horfe- courfer, and the filth bee fo Artificially ftop'd that for eight or ten houres a lade will holde vp his head with the prowdeft Gelding that gallops fcornefully by him, and neuer haue neede of wiping.

This is one of the Comedies a Common horfe- courfer glayes by himfelfe at home, but if when hee comes to act the fecond part abroad, you would difgrace him, and haue him hifTd at for not playing the Knaue well, then handle him thus: If you fufpect that the Nagge which he would lade you with, bee troubled with that or any other fuch like difeafe, gripe him hard about the wefand pipe, clofe toward the roofe of the tongue, and holding him /there fo long and fo forcibly, that he cough twice or thrice, if then (after you let goe your holde) his chappes begin to walke as if he were chewing downe a Horfe-loafe, make * hands with old Mounjier Cauiliero Horf-Courfer,

278 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

but clap no bargain vpon it, for his lade is as full of infirmitie, as the maifter of Villanie.

Other Gambals that Horfe-courfers praftire

vpon Fowndred Horjes^

olde lades, &c.

Smithfield is the ftage upon which the Mouti- bank Englijh Horfe -courfer .aduancing his banner, defies any difeafe that dares touch his Prancer : Infomuch that if a horfe be fo olde, as that foure legs can but carry him, yet mall he beare the markes of an Nag not aboue fixe or feauen yeares of age ; & that counterfeit badge of youth, he weares thus : The Horje-courjer with a fmal round yro made very hot, burnes two black holes in the top of the two out-moft teeth of each fide the out-fide of the Horfes mouth vpon the nether teeth, & fo likewife of the teeth of the vpper chap, which ftand oppofite to y nether, the qual- litie of which marks is to mew that a horfe is but yong: but if the iade be fo old that thofe teeth are dropt out of his head, the is there a tricke ftill to be fumbling about his olde chaps, & in that ftroaking his chin, to pricke his lips clofely with a pin or a naile, till they be fo tender, that albeit he were a giuen horfe none could bee fuffered to looke him in the mouth (which is one of the beft Calenders to tell his age),Jbut a reafonable

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 279

fighted eie (without helpe of fpectacles) may eafily difcouer this lugling, becaufe it is grolTe and common.

If now a Horfe (hauing beene a fore Trauailer) happe by falling into a colde fweate to bee Found red, fo that (as if hee were drunck or had the daggers) hee can fcarce ftand on his legges, then will his maifter, before hee enter into the lifts of the field againft all commers, put him into a villanous chafing, by ryding him vp and downe / a quarter or halfe an houre, till his limbes bee thoroughly heated ; and this hee does, becaufe fo long as hee can difcharge that falfe fire, or that (being fo collerickly hotte) hee tramples onely vppon foft ground, a very cuning Horfema fhal hardly find where his moo wrings him, or that hee is Fowndred. And (to blinde the eyes of the Chapman) the Horfe-courfer will bee euer tickling of him with his wand, becaufe hee may not by {landing ftill like an AfTe, mew of what houfe hee comes.

If a Horfe come into the fielde (like a lame foldier) Halting, hee has not CrutcJies made for him, as the foldier hath, but becaufe you mall thinke the Horfes fhooemaker hath feru'd him like a lade, by not fitting his foote well, the mooe mall bee take off" purpofely from that foote which halts, as though it had beene loft by chance : And to

280 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

proue this, witneffes fhaJl come in, if at leaft twenty or thirty damnable oathes can be take, that the want of the Shooe is onely the caufe of his Halting. But if a Horfe cannot be luftie at legges, by reafon that either his hoofes bee not good, or that there be Splents, or any other Eye- fore about the nether loynt, the Horf-courfer vfes him then as Cheating Swaggerers handle Nouices : what they cannot winne by the Dyce, they will haue by Foule play : & in that foule manner deales hee with the poore horfe, ryding him vp and downe in the thickeft & the durtieft places, till that durt, like a ruffled boote drawne vppon an ill-fauor'd gowtie legge, couer the lades infir- mitie from the eyes of the Buyer.

How a Horfe-courfer makes a lade that

has no ftomachy to eate

Lamb-pye.

ALbeit Lamb-pie be good meat vpo a table, yet it is fo offenfiue to a horfes ftomach, y he had rather be fed a moneth together with muftie oates, tha to tafte it : Yet are not all Horfes bidde to his Lamb-pie- Breakef aft s but / onely fuch as are dyeted with no other meate : and thofe are Dull, Blockim, Sullen ; and heauie footed lades. When-foeuer therefore a Horfe-courfer hath fuch a Dead commoditie> as a Lumpifli flow lade, that

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGH2. 281

goes more heauily then a Cow when mee trots, and that neither by a fharpe bitte nor a tickling fpurre he can put him out of his lazie and dogged pace, what does hee with him then ? Onelye he giues him Lamb-pie. That is to fay, euery morning when the Horfe-courfer comes into the Stable, he takes up a tough round cudgell, and neuer leaues fencing with his Quarter ftaffe at the poore Horfes fides and buttockes, till with blowes hee hath made them fo tender, that the verry making of a bough will be able to make the horfe ready to runne out of his wittes. And to keep the horfe ftill in this mad mood, becaufe he mail not forget his leflbn, his maifter will neuer come neer him, but he will haue a fling at him : If he doe touch him, hee ftrikes him : if he fpeakes to him, there is but a worde and a blow: if he doe but looke vpon him, the Horfe flings and takes on, as though he would breake through the walles, or had bene a Horfe bredde vp in Bedlam amongft mad-folkes. Hauing thus gotten this hard leffon by heart, forth comes he into Smithfield to repeat it, where the Rider mall no fooner leap into the faddle but the Horfe-courfer giuing the lade (that is halfe fcarred out of his wits already) three or foure good bangs, away flies Bucephalus as if yog Alexander wer vpon his backe. No ground can holde him, no bridle raine him in; he gallops away

282 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

as if the Deuill had hired him of fome Hack ney-man, and feuds through thicke and thinne, as if crackers had hung at his heeles. If his taile play the wag, and happen to whifke vp and downe (which is a figne that he does his feates of Actiuitie like a tumblers prentice by compufilon and without taking pleafure in them) then mall you fee the Horfe-courfer laie about him like a thrafher, till with blowes he made him carry his taile to his Bottocks : which / in a Horfe (contrary to the nature of a Dog) is an argument that he hath mettall in him and Spirrit, as in the other it is the note of cowardife.

Thefe and fuch other bafe iuglings are put in praclife, by the Horfe-courfer ; in this maner comes he arm'd into the field : with fuch bad and deceiptfull comodities does he furnifh the markets. Neither fteps he vpon the diuels ftage alone, but others are likewife Actors in the felfe- fame Scene, and fharers with him : for no fooner fhall money be offred for a Horfe, but prefently one Snake thrufts out his head and flings the buyer with falfe praifes of the Horfes goodneffe : An other throwes out his poifoned hooke and whiipers in the Chapmans eare, that vpon his knowledge fo much or fo much hath bene offred by foure or fiue, and would not be taken : and of thefe Rauens there be fundry nefts, but all of them as blacke in

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 283

foule as the Horfe-courfer (with whome they are yoaked) is in confcience. This Regiment of Horfe- men is therefore deuided into foure Squadrons, viz.

1 . When Horfe-courfer 5 trauaile to country faires, they are called lynglers.

2. When they haue the leading of the Horfe & feme in Smithfield, they are Drouers.

3. They that ftand by and conycatche the Chap man either with Out-bidding, falfe-praifes, &c. are called Goades.

4. The boyes, ftriplings, &c., that haue the ryding of the lades vp and downe are called Skip-lacks.

I in a Boxe.

Or a new kinde of Cheating, teaching how to change golde into Siluer, vnto which is added a Map, by which a man may learn how to trauell all ouer England and haue his charges borne.

Chap. ii.

HOw many Trees of Euill are growing in this coutrie ? how tall they are ? how Mellow is their fruit ? and how greedily gathered ? fo much ground doe they take vp, and fo thickly

„ , . r , Terra malos

doe they itand together, that it leemeth homines *u*c

i • i L • r i c #*****•

a kingdom can bring forth no more or

their nature ; yes, yes, there are not halfe fo many

284 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Riuers in Hell, in which a foule may faile to

damnation, as there are Black Streames

modis Lacera- of Mifchiefe and Villany (befides all thofe

biturvmbra. .... ,.T Tr

which in our Now-two Voyages we haue ventured fo many leagues vp, for difcouerie) in which thoufandes of people are continually fwimming, and euerie minute in danger vtterly to be caft away.

The Horfe-courfer of hell, after he had durtyed

himfelfe with ryding vp and downe

race-running Smithfield, and hauing his beaft vnder

glanced at. . . .. . . 1111

him, gallopped away amame to beholde a race of fiue myles by a couple of Running- Horfesy vppon whofe fwiftnefle great fummes of money were laide in wagers. In which Schoole of Horfe-manjhippe (wherein for the mofte part none but Gallants are the Studients) hee conftrued but ftrange Lectures of Abufes : he could make large Comments vppon thofe that are the Runners of thofe Races, and could teach others how to lofe fortie or fiftie pound pollitickly in the forenoone, and in the after noone (with the felfe-fame Geld ing) to winne a thoufand markes in fiue or fixe miles riding. He could tell how Gentlemen are fetch'd in and made younger brothers, and how your new Knight comes to be a Couzen of this Race. He could drawe the true pictures of fome fellowes, that dyet thefe Running Horfes, / who for

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 285

a bribe of fortie or fiftie fhillings can by a falfe Dye make their owne Maifters loofe a hundred pound a race. He could fhew more craftie Foxes in this wilde-goofe chafe the there are white Foxes in Rujfia, & more ftrange Horfe trickes plaide by fuch Riders, then Bankes his curtail did euer praclife (whofe Gamballs of the two, were the honefter.)

But becaufe this fort of Birdes haue many feathers to loofe, before they can feele any colde, he fuffers them to make their owne flight, know ing that prodigalls doe but ieft at the ftripes which other mens rods giue them, and neuer complaine of fmarting till they are whip'd with their owne.

In euerie Corner did he finde Serpents ingender- ing : vnder euerie roofe, fome impyetie Vix SUHt or other lay breeding: but at laft per- ceiuing that the moft part of men were by the forcerie of their own diuelifh conditions transformed into Wolues, and being fo changed, were more brutim & bloody, then thofe that were Wolues by nature : his fpleene leap'd againft his ribbes with laughter, and in the height of that ioy refolued to write the villanies of the world in Folio, and to dedicate them in priuate to his Lord and Maifter, becaufe hee knew him to bee an open-handed patron, albeit he was no great louer of fchollers.

286 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

But hauing begunne one picture of a certaine ftrange Beaft, (called lack in a Eoxe) that onely (becaufe the Cittie had giuen money already to fee it) hee rimmed : and in thefe colours was

lackeinaBox^^ *n a ^oxe drawn. It hath the described/ head of a man (the face we}1 bearded)

the eyes of a Hawke, the tongue of a Lap -wing, which faies heere it is, when the neft is a good way off : it hath the ftomacke of an Eftrich, and can difgeft filuer as eafily, as that Bird dooth Yron. It hath the pawes of a Beare inftead of handes, for whatfoeuer it faftneth vppon, it holdes : From the middle downe-wardes, it is made like a Grey hound, and is fo fwift of foote, that if it once get the Start of you, a whole Kennel of Hounds cannot / ouertake it It loues to hunt dry-foote, and can Scent a Traine in no ground fo well as the Cittie, and yet not in all places of the Cittie. But he is beft in Scenting betweene Ludgate and temple-bar re : and tis thought that his next hunting mall bee betweene Lumbar d-ftreete and the Gold-Jmithes Rowe in Cheape-Jide : Thus much for his outward parts, now you mail haue him vnrip'd, and fee his inward.

This lacke in a Boxe, or this Deuill in mans fhape, wearing (like a player on a Stage)

His exercise. ' V U - U ,

^oo^xloathes on his backe, comes to a Golde-Jmithes Stall, to a Drapers, a Haberdaftiers,

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 287

or into any other mop where he knows good ftore of filuer faces are to be feene. And there drawing foorth a faire new box, hammered all out of Siluer Plate, hee opens it, and powres foorth twentie or forty 'Twentie-Jhilling-peeces in New-golde. To which heape of Worldly-Temptation, thus much hee addes in words, that either he him-Jelfe, or fuch a Gentleman (to whom he belongs) hath an occafion for foure or fiue daies to vfe fortie pound. But becaufe he is verie mortly, (nay he knowes not how fuddenly) to trauaile to Venice, to leru- Jalem or fo, and would not willingly be disfurnimed of Golde, he dooth therefore requeft the Cittizen to lend (vpon thofe Forty twenty Jhilling peeces) lo much in white money (but for foure, fiue or fixe daies at moft) and for his good will he mall receiue any reafonable

f •/*/-»• T»I s^,- ' /i • Flumina: quid

latisraction. Ihe Cittizen (knowing ridestmutato

\ 11 , ~ T» i\ nomine, de Te

the pawne to be better the a Bond) powres downe fortie pound in filuer; the other drawes it, and leauing fo much golde in Hoftage, marcheth away with Bag and Baggage.

Fiue daies being expired, lacke in a box^ (according to his Bargaine) being a man of his word comes againe to the Shop or ftall (at which hee angles for frem Fifh) and there cafting out his line with the filuer hooke, thats to fay, pouring out the forty pound which hee borrowed, The

288 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Citizen fends in, or fteps himfelfe for the Boxe with the Golden deuill in it : it is opened, and the army of angels / being rnuftred together, they are all found to bee there. The Box is fhut agen and fet on the Stall, whilft the Cittizen is telling of his money : But whilft this mufkke is founding, lacke in a Boxe actes his part in a dumb mew thus ; hee mifts out of his fingers another Boxe of the fame mettall and making, that the former beares, which fecond Boxe is filled onely with /hillings & being poized in the hand, mall feeme to cary the weight of the former, and is clap'd down in place of the firft. The Citizen in the meane time (whilft this Pit-fall is made for him) telling the fortie poundes, mifTeth thirtie or fortie millinges in the whole fumme, at which the lacke in a Boxe ftarting backe (as if it were a matter ftrange vnto him) at laft making a gathering within himfelfe, for his wits, hee remembers (he faies) that hee laid by fo much money as is wanting (of the fortie poundes) to difpatch fome bufinefle or other, and forgot to put it into the Bag againe ; notwithftanding, hee intreates the Citizen to keepe his golde ftill, hee will take the white money home to fetch the reft, and make vp the Summe, his abfence mall not bee aboue an houre or two : before which time he mall bee fure to heare of him ; and with this the little Diuell vanimeth, carrying that away with

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE- LIGHT. 289

him, which in the end will fend him to the Gallowes, (thats to fay his owne golde) and fortie pound betides of the Shop-keepers,

i'i_i . . . . i5. Multa potenti-

which hee borrowed, the other beemg busdesunt

glad to take forty millings for the

whole debt, and yet is foundly box'd for his

labour.

This lacke in a boxe, is yet but a Chicken, and hath laide verie few Egges : if the Hang-man doe not fpoyle it with treading, it will prooue an excellent Henne of the Game. It is a knot of Cheaters but newly tyed, they are not yet a company. They flie not like Wilde-Geefe (in flockes) but like Kites (tingle) as loath that any fhould mare in their pray. They haue two or three names, (yet they are no Romaims, but errant Rogues) for fome-times they call themfelues lacke in a boxe^ but /now that their infantrie growes ftrong, and that it is knowne abroad, that they carrie the Philofophers ftone about them, and are able of fortie (hillings to make fortie pound, they therefore vfe a deade March, and the better to cloake their villanies, doe put on thefe Ma/king Juites : viz.

1. This art or fleight of changing golde into tiluer, is called Trimming.

2. They that pra&ife it, terme them-felues Sheepe-fliearers.

D. III. 19

290 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

3. The Gold which they bring to the Cittizen, is cald lajons Fleece.

4. The filuer which they pick vp by this wandring, is White-woolL

5. They that are Cheated by lacke in a Boxe, are called Eleaters.

Oh Fleete-ftreete ! Fleete-ftreete ! how haft thou bene trimd, wafhed, Shauen and Polde by thefe deere and damnable Barbers ? how often haft thou mette with thefe Sheef-Jhearers ? how many warme flakes of wooll haue they pulled from thy Back? yet if thy Bleating can make the flockes that graze nere vnto thee and round about thee, to lift vp their eyes, and to fhunne fuch Wolues and Foxes, when they are approaching, or to haue them worry ed to death before they fucke the blood of others, thy misfortunes are the lefle, becaufe thy neighbours by them mall be warned from danger.

Many of thy Gallants (O Fleete-ftreete) haue fpent hundreds of poundes in thy prefence, and yet neuer were fo much as drunke for it ; but for euerie fortye pound that thou layeft out in this Indian commoditie (of gold) thou haft a Siluer Boxe beftowed vpon thee, to carry thy Tobacco in, becaufe thou haft euer loued that coftlye and Gentleman-like Smoak. lacke in a Boxe hath thus plaide his part. There is yet another Actor to ftep vpon .the ftage, and he

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 291

feemes to haue good (kil in Cofmography, for he holdes in his hand a Map, wherein hee hath layde downe / a number of Shires in England,

j • i f 11 -1 111 How to tra-

and with imall pricks hath beaten out uaiie without a path, teaching how a man may eafily, (tho not verry honeftly) trauell from Country to Country, and haue his charges borne; and thus it is.

He that vnder-takes this ftrange iourney, layes his firft plotte how to be turned into a Braue man, which he findes can be done by none better then by a trufty Tailor', working therefore hard with him, till his fuite be granted, Out of the Cittie, beeing mounted on a good gelding, he rides vpon his owne bare credit, not caring whether he trauell to meete the Sunne at his Ryfing or at his going downe. He knowes his Pitching fmokes in euery Countie, and his table couered in euery Shire. For when he comes within a mile of the Towne where hee meanes to catche Quailes, fetting Spurres to his horfe, away he gallops, with his cloake off (for in thefe Befeigings of Townes hee goes not armd with any, his Hatte thruft into his Hofe, as if it were loft, and onely an emptie paire of Hangers by his fide, to fhew that hee has bene di farmed And you muft note, that this Hot-fpurre does neuer let vppon any places but onely fuch, where hee knowes (by mtelligence) there are ftore of

2 92 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Gentlemen, or wealthy Farmers at the leaft. Amongft whome when hee is come, hee tels with distracted lookes, and a voice almofte breathleffe, how many Villanies fet vppon him, what golde & filuer they tooke from him, what woods they are fled into, from what part of Englad he is come, to what place he is going, how farre he is from home, how farre from his iornies end, or from any Gentleman of his acquaintance, and fo liuely perfonates the lying Greek (Synon) in telling a lamentable tale : that the mad Troianes (the Gentlemen of the towne,) beleeuing him, & the rather becaufe he carries the mape of an honeft man in mew, and of a Gentleman in his apparrell, are liberall of their purfes, lending him money to beare him on his iourney : to pay which he offers either his bill or bond (naming his lodging / in London) or giues his word (as hees a Gentleman), which they rather take, knowing the like misfortue may be theirs at any time.

And thus with the feathers of other birdes, is this Monfter ftuck, making wings of fundry fafhions, with which he thus bafely flies ouer a whole kingdom. Thus doth he ride from Towne to Towne, from Citty to City as if he were a Lad-lord in euery mire, and that he were to gather Rents vp of none but Gentlemen.

There is a Twin-brother to this Falfe galloper,

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 293

and hee cheats Inne-keepers onely, or their Tappers, by learning firft what Country-men they are, and of what kindred : and then bringing counterfeit letters of commendations from fuch an Vncle, or fuch a Coozen (wherin is requefted, that the Bearer thereof may bee vfed kindely) hee lyes in the Inne till he haue fetcht ouer the Maifter or Seruant for fome mony (to draw whome to him he hath many hookes) and when they hang faft enough by the Gills, vnder water Our Sharks diues, and is neuer feene to fwimme againe in that Riuer. — ^ Vppon this Scaffold^ alfo might be mounted a number of £>uack-Jaluing Empericks, who Trauening ariuing in fome Country towne, clappe ^P6™1"55- vp their Terrible Billes, in the Market-place, and filling the Paper with fuch horrible names of dijeajes^ as if euery difeafe were a Diuell, and that they could coniure them out of any Towne at their pleafure. Yet thefe Beggerly Mountibancks are meare Coozeners, and haue not fo much (kill as Horfeleeches. The poore people not giuing money to them to be cured of any infirmities, but rather with their money buying worfe infirmities of them.

Vppon the fame poft, doe certaine ftragling Scribiin? Writers deferue to haue both

Strowling

their names and themielues hung vp, school*. indeed of thofe faire tables which they

294 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

hang vp in Townes, as gay pidlures to intice Schollers to them : the Tables are w[r]itten with fundry kindes of hands, but not one finger of thofe hands (not one letter there) / drops from the Penne of fuch a falfe wandring Scribe. He buyes other mens cunning good cheape in London, and fels it deere in the Country. Thefe Sw allow es bragge of no qualitie in them fo much as of Jwiftnejfe. In foure & twenty houres, they will worke foure and twenty wonders, and promife to teach thofe, that know no more what belongs to an A. then an AfTe, to bee able (in that narrow compaffe) fo write as fair e and as faft as a country Vicar, who commonly reads all the Townes Letters. But wherefore doe thefe counterfeit Maifters of that Noble Science of Writing, keepe fuch a florifhing with the borrowed weapons of other Mens Pennes ? onely for this to gette halfe the Birdes (which they ftriue to catch) into their hands, thats to fay, to bee payde halfe the money which is agreed vpon for the Scholler, and his neft being halfe fild with fuch Gold-finches, he neuer ftayes till the reft be fledge, but fuffers him that comes next, to beate the bum for the other halfe. At this Careere the Ryder that fet out laft from Smith-field, ftop'd : and alighting from Pacolet (the horfe that carried him) his next iourney was made on foote.

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 295

The Bel-mans fecond Night-walke.

Chap. XII.

Sir Lancelot of the infernall Lake, or the Knight Errant of Hell, hauing thus (like a yong country gentleman) gone round about the Citty, to fee the fights not onely within the walles but thofe alfo in the Subburbes, was glad when hee fawe night hauing put on the vizard Induta niffris that Hell lends her (cald darkenes) to leap in to her Coach, becaufe now he knew he fhould meete with other ftrange birdes and / beafts fluttring from their nefts, and crawling out of their dennes. His prognostication held currant, and the foule weather (which hee fore told,) fell out accordingly. For Candle-light had fcarce opend his eye (to looke at the Citty like a gunner fhooting at a marke), but fearefully (their feet trembling vnder the) their Noctis & erebi eyes fufpitioufly rouling from ewry nooke to nooke round about them, &

Deorum'

their heads (as if they flood vppon

oyled fkrewes) ftill turning back be-

hinde them, came creeping out of hollow-trees,

where they lay hidden ; a number of couzning

296 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Bankrupts in the fhapes of Owles, who when the Mar/hall of light, the funne, went vp and downe to fearch the Citty, durft not ftir abroad, for feare of beeing houted at and followed by whole flockes of vndon creditors.

But now when the ftage of the world was hung *No*vcn*da)£ Wacke, they ietted vppe & downe vemda, &-*. jy^ proud ^raged'lans. O what thankes they gaue to Darknefle ! what * fonges they balladed out in praife of Night, for beftowing vpon them fo excellent a cloake wherein they might fo fafely walke muffled ! Now durft they, as if they had beene Conftables, rappe alowd at the dores of thofe to whom they owed moft money, & braue them with hie wordes, tho they payd them not a penny.

Now did they boldly ftep into fome priuiledged Tauerne, and there drinke healthes, dance with Harlots, & pay both Drawers and Fidlers after mid-night with other mens money, & then march home againe fearelefle of the blowes that any Jhowlder-dapfer durft giue the. Out of another Neft flew certaine Murderers and Theeues in the mapes of Skreech-owles, who, being fet on by the Night, did beate with their bold and veturous fatall wings at the very dores whereas, in former times, their villanies had entred.

Not farre fro Theje^ came crawling out of their

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 297

Deos°Pinor'

bufhes a company of graue & wealthy Lechers in the fhapes of Glowe-wormes, who with gold, lyng- ling in their pockets, / made fuch a mew sapiens in in the night, that the dores of Common Brothelryes flew open to receiue them, tho in the day time they durft not paffe that way, for feare that noted Curtizans mould challenge them of acquaintance, or that others mould laugh at them to fee white heads growing vpon greene flalkes.

Then came forth certaine infamous earthy minded Creatures in the fhapes of Snailes, who all the day time hyding their heads in their mells, leaft boies mould w two fingers point at them for liuing bafely vpo the proftitutio of their wiues bodies, cared not now, before candle-light, to fhoote out their largeft & longeft Homes.

A number of other monfters, like T'hefe, were feene (as the funne went downe) to venture from their denes, only to ingender with Darkneffe : but candle lights eyefight growing dimmer & dimmer, and hee at laft falling ftarke blind, Lucifers Watch man went ftrumbling vp and down in the darke.

How to weane Horfes.

EVery dore on a fudden was fhut, not a candle flood peeping through any window, not a Vintner was to be feene brewing in his Cellor, not

298 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

a drunkerd to be met reeling, not a Moufe to MutatQuies^ heard flaring: al % Citty fhewed

habitat. J-ke one Bedj for all Jn that Bed were

foudly caft into a fleepe. Noyfe made no noife, for euery one that wrought with the hamer was put to filence. Yet notwithftading when euen the Diuel himfelfe could haue beene conteted to take a nap, there were few Innkeepers about y towne but had their fpirits walking. To watch which fpirits what they did, our Spy, that came lately out of y Lower countries, ftole into one of their Circles, where lurking very clofely, hee perceiued y whe all the guefts were profoundly fleeping, when Cariers were foundly fnorting, & not fo much as the Chamberlaine of the houfe but was layd vp, fuddenly out of his bed ftarted an Theknauery Hoftler, who hauing no apparell on but ofHostiars. fas ihirt, a paire of flip-mooes on his/ feete, and a Candle burning in his hand like olde / leronimo ftep'd into the flable amogft a number of poore hungry lades, as if that night he had beene to ride poaft to y Diuell. But his iorney not lying that way till fome other time, he neither bridled nor fadled any of his foure-footed guefts that ftood there at racke and manger, but feeing them fo late at fupper, and knowing that to ouer- eate them-felues would fill them full of difeafes, (they being fubiect to aboue a hundred & thirty

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 299

already) hee firft (without a voyder) after a moft vnmanerly fafhion tooke away, not onely all the Prouander that was fet before them, but alfo all the hay, at which before they were glad to lick their lippes. The poore Horfes looked very rufully vpon him for this, but hee rubbing their teeth onely with the end of a Candle (in fteed of a Corrall) tolde them, that for their ladifh trickes it was now time to weane them: And fo wiming them not to bee angry if they lay vpon the hard boards, cofidering all the beddes in the houfe were full, back againe hee ftole to his Coach, till breake of day : yet fearing leaft the funne mould rife to difcouer his knauery, vp hee ftarted, & into the ftable he ftumbled, fcarce halfe awake, giuing to euery lade a bottle of hay for his breake-faft ; but al of them being troubled w the greazy tooth-ach could eate none, which their maifters in the morning efpying fwore they were either fullen or els that prouender pricked them.

This Hoftler for this peece of feruice was after wards preferred to be one of the Groomes in Belzebubs ftable.

300 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

Another Night -peece drawne in fundry collours.

SHall I fhew you what other bottomes of mifchiefe, Plutos Beadle faw wound vpon the blacke fpindels of the Night, in this his priuy fearch? In fome ftreetes he met Mid-wiues run ning, till they fweat, & following them clofe at heeles, he fpied them to be let in, at the backe dores of houfes, feated either in blind lanes, or in by-gardens : / which houfes had roomes builded for the purpofe, where young Maides,

Fathers, or young wiues (in their hufbands abfcence

at Tea, or in the warres) hauing wraftled with

batchilers or maried men, til they caught

auramutta falls, lay fafely til they wer deliuered of

' them. And for reafonable fummes of

mony, the baftards that at thefe windows crept

into the world, were as clofely now and

* Pectora J

tanma°isessa ^I8n ^ent Pre^ent^y out °f tne * world, or Nan sunt ictu e^s were ^° vnmannerly brought vp, that ferunda iem. fa^. neuer fpake to their owne parents

that begot them.

In fome ftreetes he met feruants in whofe breft albeit the arrowes of the plague ftuck

~

tanta relatu . r .

Funera. halre way, yet by cruell maifters were they driuen out of dores at mid- night and conuaid

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT. 301

to Garden-houfes, where they either died before next morning, or elfe were carried thither dead in their coffins, as tho they had lien ficke there before and there had dyed.

Now and then at the corner of a turning hee fpyed feruants purloyning fardels of their maifters goods, and deliuering them to the hands of common ftrumpets.

This dore opend, and Luft with Prodigality * were heard to ftand clofely kifling : and (wringing one another by the hand) foftly to whifper out foure or fiue good-nights, till they met abroad the next morning.

A thoufand of thefe comedies were afted in dumb mew, and onely in the priuat houfes : at which the Diuells meflenger laught fo loud that Hell heard him, and for ioy range foorth loude and luftie Plaudit ies. But beeing driuen into wonder why the night would fall in labour, and bring foorth fo many Villanies, whofe births me practifed to couer (as me had reafon) becaufe fo many watchmen were continually called and charged to haue an eye to her dooings, at length he perceiued that Eats (more vgly and more in number then thefe) might flye vp and downe in darkenefle : for tho with their Letherne Wings they mould ftrike the verry billes out of thofe Watchmens handes, fuch leaden plummets were

302 LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT.

commonly / hung by fleepe at all their eyelids, that hardly they could be awakned to ftrike them agen.

On therefore he walkes, with intent to haften home, as hauing fil'd his Table Bookes with fuffi- cient notes of intelligence. But, at the laft, meeting with the Bell-man, and not knowing what he was becaufe he went without his Lanthorne and fome other implements : for the man in the Moone was vp the moft part of the night and lighted him which way fbeuer he turned : he tooke him for fome churlifh Hobgoblin, feeing a long ftaffe on his necke, and therefore to be one of his owne fellowes. The Bel-ringer Smelling what ftrong fcent he had in his nofe, foothed him vp, and queftioning with him how he had fpent his time in the citty, and what difcouery of Land-villanies he had made in this Hand voiage : y Mariner of hell, opened his chart, which he had lined with all abufes lying either Eaft, Weft, North, or South : he mewed how he had pricked it, vpon what points he had Jaild, where he put in : vnder what height he kept him-felfe : where he went a Jhore, what ftrage people he met : what land he had dijcouered, and what commodities he was laden with from thece. Of all which the Bell-man drawing forth / a perfect Map, they parted : which Map he hath fet out in fuch collors as you fee, tho not with

LANTHORNE AND CANDLE-LIGHT, 303

fuch cunning as he could wim : the paines are his owne, the pleafure, if this can yeelde any pleafure, onely yours y on whome he beftowes it : to him that embraceth his labours, he dedicats both them and his loue : with him that either knowes not how, or cares not to entertaine them, he will not be angry, but onely to Him fayes thus much for a farrewell.

Si quid Nouifti rettius iftis,

Candidus imperti : Si non, His vtere mecum.

FINIS.

XII.

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

1613.

<c% vg£ <^ <^»^V(^v<5i.G5v3}v5aveS ^ ^ v^ »oS <^'oS«3S<oSvgS<oS<oS ^S'O

D. III. 20

NOTE.

For my exemplar of ' A Strange Horfe Race,' I am indebted to the Huth Library. There is another in the British Museum. In the former there are a number of (apparently) contemporary margin scribblings by a "Will. Colborne," whose autograph is on the title- page, chiefly explanations of meanings of words — e.g., ' dignifie ' = ' make worthy ' ; ' victors ' •*= ' conquerors ' ; ' fupported ' = ' borne vp ' ; ' exultations ' = * liftings vp ' ; ' infolence' = ' pryde, difdayne ' ; ' that Celebration' = * famous folemnyty'; ' incite' = 'move, ftrive or provoke ' ; ' adome ' — ' beautefye ' ; ' influence ' = ' flowing in ' ; ' rifle ' - * fearch, take away by violence ' ; ' afpiring ' = ' climbing vp '; ' ambitious ' = ' defirous of honour, or of ftriuing for p 'ferment'; ' equipage ' =» ' furnyture ' ; ' auftere ' = ' rough ' ; ' admiration ' =

* wonderment, reuerence ' ; ' benedictions ' = ' prayfings ' ; ' epilogue' =

* conclufion ' ; ' fhe is Times Herald ' = ' Fame is Tymes Herald ' ; ' irruption ' = ' breaking in ' ; ' fligmaticall ' = ' knauifhe ' ; * prepofter- ous* = 'diforderd, froward, [illegible word,] fetting ye cart before ye H[orfe].' One or two have been shorn by the binder. See ' Glossarial Index,' s.v.

1A Strange Horfe Race' is given in succession to the 'Belman' volumes, as being of kin with them. The following is the collation : Title-page — epistle-dedicatory pp. 2 — second epistle pp. 2 — contents i p. (verso blank)— and pp. 43 (last -verso blank), A 2— G.

A. B. G.

Strange Horfe-Race,

At the end of which, comes in

THE CATCH-POLES MAS^VE.

AND AFTER THAT

The Bankrouts Banquet :

Which done, the Diuell, falling

fickey makes his -/a/I will and Te/ta- ment, this prefent yeare.

1613.

Aliquid latet, quod non patet.

Written by THOMAS DEKKER.

LONDON,

Printed for lofeph Hunt, and are to bee fold at his

Shop in Bedlem, neere Moore-field Gate.

1613.

TO THE VERY

WORTHY, IVDITIOVS,

AND VNDERSTANDING

Gentleman, THOMAS WAL T-HAL Efquire.

I put into your hands a homely peice of Worke (neither fo good as you deferue, nor fo rich as I do wifh it) I muft entreat you to blame the vanitie of our times, which are fo phantafticall, that they couet Stuffes, rather flight, to feede the eye with mew, then Subftantiall for enduring. Let the Fafhion be French, it is no matter what the Cloth be. I haue therefore not (with the Sturgeon) fwomme againft the ftreame ; But followed the Humorous Tides of this Age, and (like Demo- critus) haue falne a Laughing at the world, fi thence it does nothing but mocke it felfe. But feeing no creature is fo wife as man, nor any fo foolim, my Wits haue heere beene at charges to feaft eitheir fort. A mixt Banquet of Sweete and Sowre, Fulfome, and VVholefome, Seria cum locis /

3 10 THE EPISTLE DEDICA TOR Y.

ftands furnifhed before them. In this Horfe-Race there is no cheating, my Building (as many Rich- mens great houfes) is not onely to keepe Rats, and Spiders in it, but euery Roome (though all be but meane) hath.fome picture to delight you. The Plat- forme being narrow, I could raife no lofty Stories ; for when the Ditty is light, the Aire muft not be Graue ; A Crow is not to build fo high as an Eagle : as the Face of my Inuention was drawne, fuch I could not chofe but proportion out the Body. Yet the Picture hath loft fome of the Cullors I gaue it.

I know you loue to Reade, becaufe you know to Cenfure ; Reade, this I pray as I writ it — (willingly,) and Cenfure, as I fend it — (in Loue). Beare with the hard-fauourdneffe of the Title. The value of a Diamond is not lefTened by the roughneffe when it is Vncut. It can bee no mame to gather a Violet, growing clofe to the ground. Had I better, you mould enioy it ; fuch as it is if you entertaine, I mall reft.

Moft affectionately denoted,

Tours, THOMAS DEKKER.

Not to the Readers : but to the Vnderftanders.

E that writes, had need to haue the Art of a Jkilfull Cooke ; for there mufl be thofe Condimenta (feafonings) in his pen, which the other caries on his tongue: A thoufand palafs mufl bee pleafed with a thoufand fawces : and one hundred lines mufl content fiue hundred difpofitions. A hard tajke: one Jayes, it is too harjh : another, too Jupple : another too triuiall : another too ferious. 'The firfl reades, and mewes : the Jecond reades, and railes : the third reades, and rackes me : the fourth reades, and rends me. He is tyed to a flake like a Beare to be baited that comes into Paules Church- yard to bee read. So that bare Readers (I meane not threed- bare) are not Lectores, but Lictores, they whip Bookes (as Dionyfius did boyes) whereas to Vnder ftanders, our libri, which we bring forth, are our Liberi (the children of our braine) and at Juch hands are as gently intreated, as at their parents : at the others, not.

The Titles of Bookes are like painted Chimnies in

312 TO THE READER.

great Countrey-houfes, make a /hew afar off, and catch Trauellers eyes ; but comming nere them, neither cafl they fmoke, nor hath the houfe the heart

v to make you drinke. / The Title of this booke is like a lefters face. Jet (howfoeuer he drawes it) to beget mirth : but his ends are hid to himfelfe,

\and thoje are to get money. Within is more then without ; you Jhall not finde the kirnell, vnleffe you both cracke and of en the fliell. Aliquid latet, quod non patet : Digge vnder the right tree, and it is ten to one but you take vp gold : for in this (as in all other my former Nofturnis lucubrationibusj / haue flroue to feed the mind, as well as the body ; If one leafe make you laugh, the next fettles your countenance. 'Tart meates go eafily downe, being ftrewd with fugar : as mujicke in Tauerns makes that wine go downe merily, till it confound vs, which (if the Fidlers were not there) would hardly be tafted. So for the Jake of the Jawce which I haue tempered for this dijh, you may (perhaps) eate the meat, which otherwife you would not touch.

The maine plot of my building is a Moral laby rinth ; a weake thred guides you in and out : I will Jhew you how to enter, and how to pafle through, and open all the Roomes, and all the priuate walkes, that when you come to. them, you may know where you are : and thefe they be

TO THE READER.

3'3

Tet I will not ; I know it is more pleajure to finde out the conceit full-deceit s of a Paire of Tarriers, then to haue them difcouered. That pleafure be yoursy the Tarriers are mine.

Fare-well.

The I Contents of this Booke.

Strange Horfe-race.

Chariot-races. ^saiajN^s Foot-races.

The Sunnes Race. The Moones Race. Races of winds and waters. Races of the Elements. Races of Vertues and Vices. A Mafque of Catch-pols. Who are Catch-pols. The Diuels falling ficke. His Will and Legacies. His Recouery.

His Dam brought to bed with two Children. Their Nurfing. A Banquet of Bankrouts. The Comfit-makers inuectiue againft Bankrouts.

A / Strange Horfe-race.

HE firft ftep into a Princes Court, treads not in the braueft roomes, but they are reached to, and entred by afcenfions, and de grees. This ftate and comple ment begetting more obferuance, delectation, aftonifhment, and reuerence : by the fame line are letter fquares drawne. For if you come into a Gold-fmiths, or Lapidaries {hop, and defire to buy the faireft Jewels: the cunning Artizan tempts you firft with flight ones, and then bewitcheth you with coftlier, and (for the vp-fhot) ftrikes your eye with admiration, by gazing at the beft of all. So that as no man, (how wretched foeuer) can comparatiuely be miferable, becaufe the palfie-lame hand of Fortune can throw him to no bafenefle and deiection fo low, but hee mall fall vpon forne other as low as

316 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

himfelfe. Euen likewife on the contrary part, are there no obiects of triumph, (as mafkes, prefenta- tions, banquets, and fuch like) how glorious foeuer of themfelues, but may haue their fplendor and dignity heightned by a comparatiue traducing of things in the fame ranke and qualitie.

Giue me leaue therefore, firft to make a flourifh with my pen, and cleare the way, (as a Fencer doth in a May-game) for more roome, vntill the Mafquers come in : fo fhall you know the caufe of that coft, and the fumptuoufnefle of the Banquet ; to which I wifh no man to be too fawcy in prefTmg in, left he pay more deere for his fweet meates (the banquet being prepared in hell) then the dreffing and Cookery of one Pea- cocke, / and two Pheafants coft in one of the Kings of Tunis his Kitchin, which amounted to an hundred duckets. What talke I of an hundred duckets? Nay, left he be more peppered then thofe Mafons, Bricke-layers and Carpenters were, that builded thofe Pyramids in Egypt, during their worke about one of which Pliny brings in a bill of a 1800. Talents, that were laid out for Scallions, Onions, Garlicke, and Leekes onely, befides Bread and CheeTe, which he fcores not downe : for belike the Gypfey-Kings left that vnpaid.

But before either this Mafque, or Suger-feaft come marching in their true and moft fweet ftate,

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

J'7

I inuite you (for variety) to behold a Race, on foot, and horfe, with fome triumphing in Chariots, after the Roman fafhion : to fet forth which of ours in their thundring velocity, lightning-like violence, and earth- quaking, whorrying, fo liuely, that (if it were poflible) the noyfe (hould make you mad, as the fight could make you merry : I will (as I held it fit, before) giue you feuerall pictures of Races, that in former Ages ran them- felues out of breath, to the end that the now-dead colours of the one, may fet off the braue, frefh, and amazeable-ftarting pageantry of thefe our other. When the Romans were Lords ouer the world, and their Emperours maifters ouer them, no glory was wanting to illuftrate their triumphes, after the fubduing of ftrange Nations, nor any coft fpared in popular prefentations, to binde vnto them, and bewitch the hearts of their

Blondus de

owne people, after their victorious re- Roma TH*m-

phante.

turning home. Thofe that did triumph, chariot Races

r ' r-u ' '\A A 11 A ^ Triumph.

fate in Chariots guilded all ouer, drawne fometimes by white horfes ; fo was Auguflus : fomtimes with Elephants, fo was Pompey. To excell whom in that pride, C<efar suctonivs.

The manner

had his Chariot of triumph drawne of Roman

i , Triumphes.

by forty Elephants: fome haue beene

drawne by Harts, and fo was Aurelianus. In

thefe Chariots, with the Emperours, fate their

3 1 8 A SIR A NGE HORSE RA CE.

fonnes, as heires to their fathers glory; and after them followed the Roman Souldiers, crowned with garlands, as partners in their Emperours honours. Before the Chariots went the Captiues, (Kings, Queenes, and others) / chained, the fpoyles taken in warres, borne aloft to defpite them; and more to dignifie the Conquerour, pictures and counter- fets of all the Citties, Mountaines, Riuers and Battailes, from whence they came victors, were drawne in Enfignes to the liuelieft portrature, all fupported before the Triumpher. And in this laft manner did Germanicus Cajar enter into Rome, cor. Tacit. m a triumphall Chariot, loden with fiue lib. 2. annai. Qf fas children, after the victories gotten againft the Cherujiey Chattiy and Angrinari^ with all other Nations inhabiting to the riuer Albis, as Corn. 'Tacit, fets downe in the fecond of his Annalles.

Now, left thefe higheft exaltations of Fortune mould make their Emperours fwell into too much infolence, and fo into a fcorning of their fubiects ; the Souldiers, themfelues, yea and the common Plebeians that ftood vpon ftalles to behold thefe fights, would commonly (in hate of fuch honours, and in abatement of fuch pride that might breed in their Emperours) as they march in all that pompe, caft bitter afperfions vpon them. As for example : When Ventidius Eajfus came home in

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

3»9

a Parthian triumph, the Souldiers aloud Q cryed out thus in mockery of him ; /wtiul'est Behold, he who lately rub'd horfes heeles, C6suL is now your glorious ConfulL And at another time to the people thus : O you Citizens of

... Roman i servatt

Rome, keepe your wiues at home in your vxores, Ma-

cfium calvum

. n _

(hop 5^ you are befl : for now we haue brought you your bald - fate Whore- maifter : their Emperour hauing, at that time, more need of a periwig, then a Barber.

Thefe beames of worldly felicity fhon about the heads of their Princes : let vs now fee what pleafures the Roman people enioyed.

For them were built Theaters, and Amphi theaters, in fome of which might fit

., - i r i i i In the /town

foureicore thouland people together ; Theaters were the The_aters themfelues being fome ScanidLudi, of ftone, fome of wood, curioufly adorned with columnes, and Images of their Emperours : fome guilded all ouer, fome mouing vpon wheeles, to avoyd the heate of the Sunne. All of them fpacious, all fumptuous : In thefe they fomtimes faw playes tragicall, or comicall,/ with all forts of muficke, Doricke, Chromaticke, foft and delicate, Lidian, Nypolydian Grecian mournfull, fit for Tragedies: and to musicke- thefe forts of muficke they had all forts of Dauncing ; And Hyporchema (in time of a pefti-

320 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

lence) a daunce to Apollo in the Campe ; the

Plutarch, in Pyruhian, which was a daunce in

Morailb. Armour: In the Chamber (as wee

now haue) dances, with wanton gefticulation.

All which, as well Muficke as Daunces, they

borrowed from the Greekes.

Then had they both in Circo, & Theatris, (their Race and Theaters) fights both on foot and horfebacke ; fometimes Man to Man,

Suetonius. n

countring together, three hundred Gladiators, or

Sword- Sword-players, fighting at one time at

players. fharpe^ w^n equall number. In which

paftimes Gordianus the Emperour, 'to feede the

people to the full, confumed twelue dayes, euery

dayes prefentation varying from each other; As

Sword-Piaying/word-Playing> Wraftlings in diuerfe

kindes> caftinS of Dartes and Speares, Chariot -chaces, Huntings, and fuch like ;

theaters. Jn Qne fay tQ a hun(lre(i Fencers,

thrufting out a hundred and fifty of the fierceft Lybian beafts ; in another a thoufand, which they were to kill with their fwords, or to hazard their owne Hues : for he maintained a large and thicke wood, ftrongly defenfible, in which ran two hundred wilde Harts, thirty vn-back'd fierce horfes of Brittaine, a thoufand fheepe, ten Roe- buckes, which he caufed to be guilded all ouer ;

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

thirty wilde AfTes, a hundred and fifty wilde Boares, two hundred Ibices, and two hundred wilde Heluetian Goates : vpon all which he cryed hauocke to the people, to haue them torne in peeces in one folemne feftiuall meeting.

The like did Philippus Arabs the Emperour, at two feuerall times; the firft at the celebration of the Circumcifion Games (fo called of

LudiCirceses,

Circus, the place where they were per- «««* /«*'

r i\ A i • i i i Originem.

formed) At which time he turned out two and thirty Elephants, twenty Tygers, an hundred Hyenaes, one Rhynoceros, three- virgiit /#. 5t fcore tame Lyons, and ten curle-mained daeHM- Lyons, ten Panthers, thirty Leopards, and ten fierce Horfes to be cut in peeces.

The fecond time was at the celebration of thofe games, which were held but once in a hundred yeares : and thereupon were called Ludi Seculares, (of Seculum, an age of a man, which was then counted an hundred yeares) their Solemnization beirfg in honour of Apollo and Diana. Againft which day a Cryer went vp and downe the Citty of Rome with this note : Whojoeuer will fee games, which no man aliue hath euerfeene, nor

Ludos quos

any man liuin? thai euer fee more, now nemo mortaUm

* i - - vidftt neque

Let them come. At which time, the Rites visurus *st. due to that Celebration beeing performed, and the people of Rome in infinite numbers aflembled to-

D III. 21

322 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

gether; he caufed to bee hunted (befides the beafts before named, to as great or a greater number) ten horned Elkes more, by no other perfons, then by two thoufand Fencers, armed onely with their Swords vide Pim. ln their hands, the beafts running loofe,

Lto. is. madding and roaring vp and downe.

Thus haue you feene the Roman Emperours

in their Chariots of Triumphs, after which the

people further rewarded them with Statues, or

•Images made to the life, fome in mafly gold,

fome in filuer, fome in brafle, and fome in marble,

vpon which were infculped and richly cut out,

all their Battailes, Conquefts, and Triumphes :

and befides thefe Statues, they had alfo

modum succes- at firft Crowncs of Gold fent them, and

Laurea: erant- thofe were after changed to Garlands of

que&virtutis T 1111 r i

^honoris Laurell, the honour of both being all

eiusdcm ,__-

prcemia. one. The common people receiued

Gellius. r ,. t f, . . ^ . n

after their combats, fights, victories, &c. (to incite them likewife to hunt after fame, & Garlandsgiuen military renowne) wreathes & Coronets to the Romans. to ^ornG their temples. The horfe-

men and Charioters being by this time wearied,

giue way for the infantery to come vp, and try

The first sort how nimbly they beftir their heeles.

In which Races on foo^ not onel7 the Romanes, but alfo the Greekes, TroJans,

Athenians^ Macedonians, and many other Nations

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 323

excelled for their incredible fwiftnefle : I thinke the wilde Irilh are beft at it in thefe latter times. This kinde of exercife had three changes in it: For fome, vpon whofe heads the wagers were layd, flood breaft-wife in a direct line, at a marke, and ran onely to a / goale propofed and

. J ' &. Thesecod

left there : others being at the goales sort were called

. . r . . - n . Diaulodromi.

end before their rellowes, wan no glory

by it, vnlefle they could againe recouer the marke

from which they firft fet forth.

The third Race was to run and returne to and fro, from the marke to the goale, without intermiflion, by the fpace of eight

' J r ,°, The third sort

changes, and neuer vnder fixe : and he were called that could hold out his winde fo long, to be firft at the bounds where he began his race, carryed away both garland and prizes.

My Mufe could heere leaue running at Bafe thus vpon earth, and ftretching her wings forth to. a more noble expanfion, foare aloft Racesin vp into the Celejtiall Habitations, and heauen* from thence bring news, what race the Sun runs in his Zodiacall Circle, where he fets TheSuns out euery morning, and where he refts euery night : at what houfes he ftayes (being 1 2 in number) and how long he tarries, in what part of the world he mortens his Careeres, and in what part hee enlargeth it : his fires burning

324 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

at all times alike, but not alike in all places : by

Soi fans wn°fe heate all Countries do propa-

4ttu, gate anj brmg forth bleflings to their

inhabitants; but no Country can boaft me pos-

fefleth all, becaufe what one wants, another mould

fupply, and fo euery land to be beholden one to

another : then to mew, that al-be-it he runs not

in a perfect Orbicular Circle, but that fometimes

he runs fide-wife with an oblique carriage of his

body, yet his courfe is conftant: his horfes,

(Pirois, Eons, ^Ethon, and Phlegon) as they are

foure in number, making foure great Stoppes, or

Careeres in Heauen, which beget foure Change?

or foure Renouatiom of time vpon earth, that is

i spring. to fey : tne Vernally jEftiuall, Autumnall

s AuTum!r' and Brumall, they keeping euer their

4 Winter. jay ^^g ju£ jQ^/'/flrj) onely a few

minutes difference. But fo much reuerence do I owe to the Diuine ftudy of the tranfcendently- learned Aftronomer, that I lay downe heere this Buckler, knowing him moft worthy to take it vp.

From tracing therefore any further the wheeles

The Moones °^ ^n^s Hluminous Chariot, wherein the

Race- God of the day rides, our Protean Muje

altering the fhape of her courfe, a little lower

could / ftand and difcouer how the ghieene of the

night (the Moone) is, (with a fwifter whirling then

the Sunne her brother) whiried vp and downe in

A STRANGE HORSE-RACJS. 325

a coach of filuer, & there fhew likewife, why fometimes fhe fits Horned, fometimes Half e-faced,fomei\mes Full and perfectly Round: then, where that Light is locked abte»hai»- vp that is taken from our fight; and by what meanes, and how fo quickely it is againe refto/ed. Then could I without helpe of her light, flip in a moment into the Seas, and faile onely by that Star, whofe influence now

• i s-rii i i r i r • i & the Waters.

guides my pen. There could I defcnbe what warlike Races the Winds held with the Waters : their Wraftling, Running^ Retiring, and Chafing this way and that way, like two great Princes ftriuing for Superiority y and confounding, by their contention, not themfelues, but thofe vnder them.

g>uicquid delirant Regesy pleftuntur Achiui*

But becaufe you mall not bee weary by being weather-beaten in Tempefts: fuppofe the Windes haue fpent their Malice (like Rich-men, vndon by going to Law in defending vniuft Actions), But the Seas fwell ftill by a Naturall pride

... ,.. / \ • »>r-n /r-\

which the Moone (their Miftrene) puts when the

-....- . . motion of the

into them, became their Nature being Moonu

.. . ,... ' ._ do\vnewards

quarrellous, they rage (like Roaring andneerer

Boyes vpon the Land) that they can

faften no oppofite to go together bi'th eares

326 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

withall, the next they meete they iuftle, and that's the Earth : there they purpofe to begin another Race ; for their Warns run (like Mad men out of Bedlam) beyond their bounds vp into the Land, doing what they can to fwallow it ; and that fhewes (me-thinkes) like an vnthrifty riotous Heire, warning away (in Tauernes) the pofTeflions of his father, and his owne Patrimony, whilft the carefull old man feekes to keepe all within com- paffe ; as the walles of the Earth ftriue to hold the vnruly Waters within their owne dominions, and to bar them entrance into her owne : for all their buftling, and for all their billowes, we are now leap'd fafe on fhore.

Whilft thus I (land vpon the foft and un-

remoueable habitation of our great Grand-mother

(the Earth) Another Race. I is prefented

The Race of X / . _ . . .,

the Elements to mine eic, for 1 could heere delcribe,

y'how the foure Elements, (like fo many

wheeles in a Clocke) are proportioned to more

i Earth, diuerfe waies, and with ftrange turnings,

3^re.er' Yet a^ to meete in °ne delicate tune

4 Fire. within Mans body. And then, if any

one of thofe foure Protestors, bee predominant

aboue the other, and fo fet the reft together by

the eares, how then the bloud hath his Race,

and runnes into difeafes, and the fhortning of

that Race is to ftumble at Deaths Dore. Againe,

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 327

if I fhould rifle this Treafure-houfe of liuing Creatures, and looke into the depth of it, I could bring you to thofe hidden Races of Thc Racc ^ Minerals, and Mettalsy which the Sunne Minerals- neuer fees, yet can they not liue without him : there fhould you behold a Mine of Lead, The ambitk>n labouring to turne it felfe into Tynne, ofLead- and fo to rife to preferment ; but like a poore Man, that workes day and night to grow rich, hee ftriues with impoflibilities, and is at the yeares end no better then at the biginning. There fhould you behold a Mine ofThc ambition fynne, (fifter to Siluer) vfmg all the of Tynne- Art me can, to be transform'd into her fifters fhape, and to carry a beauty as faire as her's; but like a Rich Man, that hauing enough, and being well to liue, yet practifeth vnlawfull courfes to encreafe his ftate, as his, fo her doings do feldome profper: There likewife fhould Ambition of you behold a Mine of Siluer, ambitioufly afpiring to bee as glorious Gold: but me workes like an Alchimift, watches long, and loofes her labour ; yea, though fhee were able - to pafTe through thofe twelue gates.

1 Calcination.

2 Di/Jblution.

Ripley:

? Separation. Chanon of

0 r Bridlington.

4 Coniunftion.

328 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

5 Putrifaffion.

6 Congelation.

7 Citation.

8 Sublimation.

9 Fomentation.

10 Exaltation.

1 1 Multiplication. /

12 Proieffion.

And fo come to weare in a Ring, the very Gold hath no Phylofophers Stone, yet the triall of her ambition. beauty WOuld bee when her painting came to the Touch. Laft of all, you mould there likewife behold (the eldeft child of the Sunne) A Mine of Gold, who being King of Mettals, neuer afpires to bee higher, becaufe it knowes, there is none aboue him.

Touching Minerals of bafer quality let vs not caft our eye vpon them, hauing enriched our Lading with the beft : hoyft now vp Sailes, therefore from hence and away ; for thefe Races (if I mould meafure the fhortefl of them to his end) would weary me too much, and appeare, yrkefomely, too long, like that iourney of Philip- fides, who ranne one thoufand, two hundred and forty furlongs (which makes 155 miles) (from Athens in Greece to Lacedemon) in two daies, if Polyhiftor lies not.

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 329

I could here be content after this weary Voyage, round about the vaft compafle of the world (dis- patcht, as you fee, by my Sea-chariots, within a little time,) now to fixe vp Herculean Pillars^ and write vpon them Non vltra. But our Mufe is ambitious, and (to her) Non fufficit Orbis, (he muft on againe. For (he hath one Race A fresh yet to Run, which (for Antiquity) is as Reuerend, (for Perfons) as Renowned, (for the Contention) as Glorious, and (for the Victory) as Memorable, as any that euer yet haue bene in the World.

It is (becaufe you mall weary your eyes with ftaring no longer )^A Race or Challenge Vertue & betwixt the Vertues that dwell in the Vicerun- little world (Man) and the Vices to whom hee giues free entertainement ; they are all ready to prefent their Troupes, and to do their Deuoire: But before they enter the lifts, (fome on horfe- backe, fome on foote, fome in Chariots) I will play the Herauld to mar/hall them in order, ac cording to their quality and worth, and fend them forth, marching in braue equipage before you.

-The Vertues are not Mounted, and haue Few Followers; they haue no Plumes, and

Vertue is

fo, no Pride ; their Attire is decent, seidome

- , . . . ... , . mounted.

fober, girt to them, and ciuill : their

Faces graue, auftere in very fweetenefle, fweete

330 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

in aufterity ; faireft when they are neerefl: ; louely a farre off, and all open ; vfed to no

fHer picture. - . .

malke, their pace demure, maieitically- humble, conftant and comely.

The Vices are Gallant Fellowes, they are viceiseuer Mounted, and haue no fmall Fooles to mounted. their frouowers . tney haue Plumes, like

Eftridges, and Perfumes like Mufke-cats^ (fo ftrong) they are foone fmelt out: for Attire, they carry Lordfhips on their backes, a Knights liuing in their Breeches, & a Shop-keepers wealth in a Hat-band, Garters, and Shoe-ftrings;

Her picture. _,. . „ .. - .

Iheir ^aces light, anticke, impudent, difdainefull, amoroufly bewitching, fhadowed now & then, but not poflible alwaies to be couered: As a Fools face can neuer be hid.

The Vertues will go fometimes from you (when anon you fee them) but the Vices will ftill come with their Faces towards you, for if you looke narrowly vpon their backes, if they mew but them to you firft, you will ftraight turne taile to them too, & no more care a pin for their company, vnlefle you be mad; I will giue you an example of fome of them, that carry their heads higheft : thus,

The Hole ? tti Counter^ is the Backe of Riot ; The backe ^ a Prodigall lay there in Hunger and

part of Riot. QJ^ but fiue fuch mQneths nQ WQrfe

then the laft great Froft was, in a deere yeere,

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 331

and in a Plague-time when no body would come at him ; and this hee mould fuffer before hee bound himfelfe for euer to his Mercer, being fure, elfe, to fuffer it after- wards: I doe not thinke but my Gallant would loue a warme Freze Jerkin better than a fuite of cut Sattin, and choofe rather (like a Horfe) to draw beere, then to weare rich trappings like an Afl*e, for which his bones pay fo derrely. So

Head-ach is the Backe of Drunkennes : if the Head-ach would knocke our Coxcombs

r ji r r T-V The backe

loundly, lo loone as wee cry out Drawer pan of drunk- in a Tauerne, we mould neuer quarrel with y Watch, /nor breake downe Baudy-houfe- windowes at mid-night.

But beft finnes, like the worft faces, are mod and euer painted, and that's the reafon they fo bewitch vs, for it is a good eye can fee their deformity : Hearke,

The Trumpets fownd, they are ready for the Lifts : behold, they enter ; you perhaps -j^ Race (that are but Standers-by) may miftake besinnes* them, and therefore I will defcribe them, as they either begin the Race or end it.

The firft that runs, is Blafphemous Infolence, a Turkey (for you -muft vnderftand, that

- . ' The character

of all Nations, lome are at this Race) of a proud he will be firft, becaufe he will be

332 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

firft ; his looks are full of Darings, his voyce thunders out Braues ; hee laies downe Threates infteed of Wagers, hee fcornes to Wage any thing vpon an euen Lay, for if terror or tyrany can win it, he will haue All ; By his fide comes his Surgeon (called Infidelity) the horfe he rides on is fwift Vengeance, his two Pages are Fyre and Sword.

A Chriftian Lady runs againft him, her name Innocent Humility : if me get to the Race-end, me is promifed a paire of wings, befides the prize ; her looks are modeft, her words few, to her-felfe (as fhee fets forth) me praies : me has onely one Maid waites vpon her, called Sufferance ; they both run on foote : See, fee, the Turke flies like a winged Dragon, the Chriftian flies too, like a Doue, yet with nobler fpeed ; fhee has now gotten the better way of him, and is gone beyond him, and fee! Rage and Haft to difgrace her, in her fpeed, haue caft him from his Horfe, his

The Turks TT r i • i i i i

owneven- owne Hone kickes and tramples on the SpartlFor Maifter. The Chriftian Lady runs in

others, co- r \ • 11 V TT

founds him- pitty to iauc him : but he curling Her, and calling onely vpon his owne Sur geon (Infidelity) fhee (for want of fkill) poifons his wound in fteed of curing it ; he's dead : his Surgeon rips his body, to fearch what was pe rimed within him (vpon fo flight a fall, as fhe tearmes

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 333

it) and (fee !) his heart is turned into a Flint : Blacke, and Hardened as Marble, & lying drown'd in the bloud of a thoufand poore Hun garians^ yet all that could not foften it. ouer-'nmby The Wager they ranne for was /a Gar land of Palme -trees held vp by a Lady at the Goales end (whofe name is Eternity) and by her giuen to the Chriftian Conqueror, with the Wings, befides, which were promifed her, if ihee fainted not in her Race. When the wheels of Defire are once fet a going, the more weights you hang vpon them, the fafter turne they about, for lo ! all the Opponents in this Race- running haue done what they came for in a moment, whilft you were bufy about the firft Challenger and Defendant, fo great was their Feruor: but I haue the Roll here of the perfons and their names, and albeit you haue loft the fight of them in Action, you fhall not loofe the fport of it in my Relation.

The fecond that ran, and made the braueft fhow, was a yong Gallant, his name, prodigalities Prodigallity, loued of many Ladies for his good gifts, and followed by many rich Citizens fons, who were preferd vnto him by their fathers Mony: he fat in a Chariot, open on The Character euery fide, foure Horfes drew him,ofaPttx!«alL (Raflinejfe, Luxury, Folly, and Hanger-on) his Coach-man being drunke, A Whore whipped

334 -4 STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

him for-ward, and made all Fly ; at the backe of the Chariot, two leaped vp, & were drawne after him, 'viz. : Beggery and a Foole, whofe gefture of making mouthes and anticke faces was excellent fport to the fpectators: he ran a fwift and thundring pace; after him and clofe by him rid many Merchants, Mercers, and Silke- men, who had laid great Wagers on his head, but he gaue them all the flip, and was before hand with them ftill.

The Defendant whom he challenged, was a polliticke Belgicke, his name Hans-thrift

Thrifts Race. , _

(a Dutchman) vigilant m his courfe, futtle in laying his wager, prouident in not venturing too much, honeft to pay his lofTes, induftrious to get more (twenty fundry waies) if hee mould happen to bee cheated of all ; his Horfe was not fo fwift as fure, his Attire not curious, but rich & neate : they fet out both together, but before Prodigallity came halfe way of his iourney, Thrift got the ftart of him, out went, out-wearied, out-fpent him ; tother loft all, this won what the other loft.

Prodigality / vpon this difgrace hid his head, but

incountring when he went away, with

Discontet the r _ . . . r . , .

mother of a crue or Male-contents, they fchooled

him, and they fpoyled him ; for in a

hote bloud hee prefently grew defperate, and fwore

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

335

to vndertake (for raifmg of his, fortunes) the plots of Treafon, to blow vp kingdomes, to Amafo murder Kings, and to poyfon Princes : **&**• But the Hang-man hearing their whifpering, fet vp a paire of gallowes in his way ; at which hee ran full-but, fell downe, brake his necke, and neuer fmce could keepe any good quarter.

The third- that came fneaking in was a leane ill-faced motten-herring-bellied-rafcall ; The character his nofe dropped as foone as he entred rf*Nw«»- into the Race, whofe filth, becaufe it would fcoure, and fo faue fope, hee wrapt vp in as filthy a hand-kercher : his apparrell was cut out of 6 or 7 religions, and as they turned, that turned. He ftole one onely coale of fire from Prodigality, which hee toft betwixt his hands to warme them : he had in his pocket (to victuall him for this voyage) two dried cobs of a red herring, referued by a fifh monger at the fiege of Famagofta, & then afterward laid on a dung-hil, and the cruft of a bifket that had been twice at the weft Indies. This 'Thing was a Vfurer, cald NiggardlineJJe ; he had no page, but two Brokers (out of their loue to him, hoping to get by it) came along with him vpon their owne charge.

Againft this wretch, (in braue defiance) ftept forth an old Lord (that is now no Hospitality Courtier; for hee keeps a place in the Piclured-

336 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

Countrey, & all the chimnies in it fmoke: he fpends his money as he fpends the water that pafTeth to his houfe, it comes thither in great pipes, but it is all confumed in his kichin,) his name Hofpitality. It is a graue & reuerend countenance ; he weares his beard long of purpofe, that y haires being white, and ftill in his eie, he may be terrified fro doing anything vnworthy their honor : his apparrel is for warmth, not brauery : if he thinke ill at any time, he prefently thinks wel : for iuft vpon his breaft he wears his Reprehenfion. As a iewel comprehends much treafure in a little roome ; and as that nut-fhell held all Homers Iliads fmally written in a/peece of Vellum. So, though the tree of his vertues grow high, and is laden with goodly fruit, yet the top-bough of all, and the faireft Apple of all he counteth his Hofpitality : His bread was neuer too ftale, his drinke was neuer fowre, no day in the yeare was to them that are hungry, A fafling day, yet he obferues them all : Hee giues moderately euery houre, but in reuerence of one feafon in the yeare, all that come may freely take.

And this is (as the Booke doeth remember)

The cold frofty feafon of December : Franklins Phoebus waxed old, and hewed like Latoun That afore in his hot Declination

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

337

Shone as the burned gold, with ftreames bright, But now in Capricorne adowne he light: Whereas he fhone full pale, I dare well feyne, The bitter froftes with the fleet and raine Deftroyed hath the greene in euery yerd : lanus fitteth by the fire with double berd, And drinketh of his Bugle-horne the wine, Before him ftandeth the Brawne of the tuflced fwine.

The horfe he fate vpon was gray and aged, like his maifter, but weake by reafon Theythat of yeares; yet his heart good, and knew the way to many holy places, whither hee had often carried his Lord, and therefore fcorning now he fhoukUincounter fo ignoble an oppofite as he faw ftand brauing, hee breathed a kinde of quicke fire in and out at his fnoring noftrils, in figne he had quickned his old courage, and that he wifhed to ftand on no ground till this worke were ended. Forward therefore, both parties fet: Hofpitality

, /-,/-,, . ,.' ., Niggardlinesse

had thousands following him, with & Hospitality fhouts, heartnings, plaudits, and praifes : At Niggardlinejfe euery man laughed, euery man difdained him, none clapped him on the backe, but his two trunch-men (the Brokers) the tother rode like a prince with all eyes throwne vpon him in admiration : but this poore ftarueling ran as if

D. III. 22

338 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

a fear-crow had fiowen : it was not / a running,- but a kinde of falfe fcuruy Amble, or rather Hobling, which put him into fuch a heate (he neuer in all his life fweating before) that hee melted all his tallow, which at the moil was not able to make a pifling Candle ; and fo the fnufFe of his life went out {linking. Before hee dyed, he gaue his keyes to the Brokers, and made them his heires, with charge to bury him there in the high-way, onely to faue charges, and to ftrip off his cloathes, which he made them fweare they mould fell : Et hie finis priami, and with that word he lay as dead as a dogge. His heires performed his will, and going home merily, to fhare his wealth, which they knew to be infinite, they found nothing in the houfe but two peny Halters : (for all his money hee had buried vnder the earth in a field) the fight of this ftruck cold to their hearts : and fo (feeing their owne Father, as it were, had cozened them) the Brokers went both away like a cupple of Hounds from the dogge-home in a firing together, and lye buried at the grate which receiues the common Sewer in the midft of Hounds-ditch. Hojpitality had the honour of the day, and went away crowned with poore mens Benedictions.

The next Contenders that followed thefe, were an Englifli Knight and a Spanijh : the Don was

A STRANGE HORSE-RACK.

339

a temperate and very little feeder, and no drinker,

as all Spaniards are ; the Knight had

, [ ' . TteapuM

beene dub d onely for his valour in temperate \\\

that feruice : to it they went both, horfed English a alike, manned alike, braue alike, the Spaniard not fo gawdy, but more rich. Sir Dagonet had fcarce fet fpurs to his Bucephalus, but with healths which he tooke out of euery commanders fift, drinking to his boone voyage, he fell ficke, & his horfe, both of the Staggers, of which hee neuer recouered : hee had (befides his A drunkards Page) fome Voluntaries that attended foUowers- him, that is to fay, the drowfie and decayed Memory ; the one filled his glaffes, the other his Tobacco-pipes. Shortnejfe of Life held his bridle, and helped him ftil off. The Diego was a dapper fellow, of a free minde and a faire, bounteous of his purfe, but fparing/in his Cups, as fcorning to make his belly a wine-celler, therefore the more nimble ; and hauing nothing in him but fire, (as the other nothing but the contrary Element) hee flew before the winde

... 11 T-»- r i i Plures occidit

like a gallant Pinnace vnder layle, and «•»/«/«, ?«*/* held out his Race to the end, leauing the Englifh-man dead-drunke, in lefle then a quarter of the way.

Then came in two by two, other Troopes, whofe onfets, and ouer-throwes, honours, and

340 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE,

difgraces, darings, and dauntings, merit an ample Chronicle, rather then an Abftratt\ of

Other Races. ... i • t i r» ;?• n • 1 1

all which the Braggadochio-vtces ftill got the worft : the Vertues departing in Triumph, but not with any infulting. And thus the glory of this Race ended.

Now, as after the cleare ftreame hath glided away in his owne current, the bottome is muddy and troubled. And as I haue often feene, after the finishing of fome worthy Tragedy, or Catas trophe in the open Theaters, that the Sceane after the Epilogue hath beene more blacke (about a nafty bawdy ligge) then the moft horrid Sceane in the Play was : The Stinkards fpeaking all things, yet no man vnderftanding any thing; a mutiny being amongft them, yet none in danger : no tumult, and yet no quietnefle ; no mifchifs begotten, and yet mifchiefe borne : the fwiftnefle of fuch a torrent, the more it ouerwhelmes, breeding the more pleafure.

So after thofe Worthies and Conquerours had left the field, another Race was ready to begin, at which, though the perfons in it were nothing equall to the former, yet the fhoutes and noyfe at thefe was as great, if not greater. They marched in no order, and that made them feeme comely ; HandfomenefTe in them had beene a difgrace, the worfe they mewed, the better they were liked; They could do nothing ill, becaufe

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 341

they could doe nothing well, and were therefore commended, becaufe there was in them nothing commendable : Such praife as / they brought, they caried away ; and this it was.

The firft Troope that came thronging in, were a company of braue flaring fellowes, that looked like Flemings, for they were as fat as butter, and as plumpe in the face as Trumpeters are when their cheekes fwell like bladders. No horfes could bee hired for them: for (as Gallants doe Citizens) they were fure to breake their backes : they were all Foot-men therefore, and ran very heauily (like men going to hanging) becaufe if they mould fall, their bellies making them leape heauy, they were fure to breake their neckes. Thefe termed themfelues Of Epi Epicures, and all that heard them beleeued it : for their Guts was their God, their Heads, Hog/heads of wine, their Bodies, Cages foi wild-fowle, and their Soules nothing elfe but the fteame and breath of roafted Capons ferued vp piping hot. Thefe ran into a thoufand mens Debts, but ran fo farre one from another, (for feare of breaking Ribbes if they had iuftled) that they would be fure neuer to run in any certaine danger.

The laft Race they ran (for you muft know they had many) was from a cry of Sergeants : yet in the end the Law ouer-tooke them, and after

342 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

a long, fweaty, and troublefome Race, ouer-threw and layd them in the duft ; they dyed in prifon, and were buryed in filence.

After them came in a pert Lawyer, puffing and blowing (one that for putting a wrench

A Lawyer and. ° V _to

his conscience into the Luwes mouth, to force her to fpeake any thing, was pitched ouer the barre) and hee ran really : but with whom thinke you ? againft his owne Conference : but in the Race (fweat and fweare, do what he could) me gaue him the flip, tired him extreamely, and was ftill out of his reach the length of Gracious ftreet, at the leaft ; yet the Lawyer was a goodly man, ftrong, and full of action, and / his Confcience nothing in the world to fpeake of.

The next was one that mould haue beene a

fcholler, and was indeed, and he ran

horrible faft after foure Benefices all at

one time : they held him nobly to it a long fpace ;

but with much adoe hee got beyond them, and

wonne what he ran for : Mary hee caught fuch

an incurable cold (by reafon of his purfinefTe) that

hee loft his voyce prefently, and grew by degrees,

fo hoarfe, that he neuer fpake after to any great

purpofe, all his lights were fo flopped.

At laft comes fkipping in a terfe, fpruife,

ATayiorrunsneatified Capricious Taylor, new leaped

with Pride. from his Shop-boord; and the Diuill

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 343

could not perfwade him, but hee would runne with Pride, and with none elfe. Pride was for him, and tooke hold of him prefently, Horfes were offered to them both : No (fayd the Taylor) I will not bee fet on Horfe-backe, I will not ride, nor be ridden : Pride fcorned any courtefie more then he. To it they go then ; Pride got ftill before him, and he followed her at an ench like a mad-man, tooth and nayle. In the end hee had her at his backe : Pride then (for anger that any fhould out-ftrip her) made fuch extreame hafte, that fhee caught a fall. The Taylor (hauing many gallant parts of a Gentleman about him) looking afide, and feeing his Incounterer downe, came brauely to her, offering to take her vp ; which fhe difdaining, allowed him a yard before her, which hee was content to take, and to it they go againe : Pride followed him clofe, and comming home vp to him, fpyed her aduantage (being neere the Races end) and leaping forward, hit him full at the heart, and fo ouerthrew him. Inraged at which, hee drew out a Spani/h weapon, and would haue runne it through her ; fhee put him by, and cut his combe, which fo cut his heart (to fee a woman his con fufion )/ that hee was neuer his owne man afterward. But he fayd hee wrought his owne woe himfelfe, and confeft it was his owne feeking to meddle

344 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

with her ; and therefore fuch bread as he brake, was but broken to. him againe, yet fwore (if a man might beleeue him) that though he funke into hell for it, he would, at one time or other, fawce her.

This quarrell made peace ; for the vn-rauelling of this bottome, was the Jaft threed that ended all. You now fee what voyage this fhip of fooles (in which thefe laft were imbarked) hath made. Heere caft they Anchor, and leap on Shore.

A preparation to the Mafque enfuing, and the caufe therof.

FAME, who hath as many tongues as there are mouthes in the world, hearing of the honourable defeature giuen by thofe worthy Champions to their ignoble (but infulting) ene- Anewes mies, could not choofe (becaufe mee spred* is a woman) but prattle of it, in all places, and to all perfons ; infomuch that the Courts of Kings rang of it, Cities made bone- fires for it, the Country had almoft broke all their bels about it : at euery CrofTe it was pro claimed, at euery Market, one word went about the price of victuals, and fiue about that : Barbers

A STRANGE HORSE-RACB. 345

had neuer fuch vtterance of a newes, Booke-Jellers fold more fheetes then Linnen-drapers ; Carriers could load their horfes with no Packes but or 'This : No Ship went to Sea, but fome part of the fraight was this victory: It was written of at home, difperfed in /letters abroad, and fung to a new Tune every where. Omitting thefe hither parts of Chriftendome, me (Fame I meane) taking her Trumpet (becaufe me is Times Herald) flew with it ouer the Mediterranean-Jea into AJia, firft into Turkey, fo to Cald<ea, Perfia, Hircania, AJJiria, Armenia, and then getting vp higher ouer the Cafpianfea, away fhee poafted to the Tartars, and Cathayans, then to the Chynois, and other Eaft Indians, fo backe againe ouer the Arabian Sea, into Arabia Fcelix : then crofting ouer Numidia, her next cut was into Barbary in Africa, from thence downe to Noua Guinea ; and from thence crofllng the Lyne into the Ethyopian Jea, away fwoopes fhee by Brajill, and fo beates her Wings in the Weft Indies, whofe heate being ready to melt her, (as the Eaft Indies did before) ouer the Lyne againe me feuds to Noua Hijpania, & fo to the Northward of America : then homeward through Florida, taking Virginea, Noua Francia, Norembega, and all thofe Seftentrionall Countries in her paflage, and fo eroding the Deucalidonian Jea, hauing beaten her felfe almoft to death in

3-1 6 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

proclaiming and trumpeting lowdly the News; me pantingly ariues where fhee fet forth, pruning and peecing vp her flagging and broken Wings.

The winds caching her breath in all kingdoms, through which fhe went, were as great with it as her felfe, & ready to burft vntill they were deliuered. Neuer was fuch puffing & blowing, fuch bluftring & roaring, fince they threw downe Babel : fo that with their ftrugling who

The naturall . . _ .

cause of an ihould cry out fir it, they were all brought

earth-quake. , . ., . . r .. r

a bed or it at one time : for all of them breaking by force into the bowels of the earth, and by that irruption tearing her very foundation with an vniuerfall earth- quake, the mafly frame was cleft & riuen afunder, and fo the terror of the report was by the wherrying winds ihot (as if with a thunder-bolt from heauen) and neuer tarryed, or met any rub, till it burft open the Gates of Infernall 'Erebus.

The/ Grand-Sophy of the Satanicall Synagogue ', at TheDiueiputtne Vei7 found of 'lt belchd out a groane, inGfood-menn the rebound of which (like one bandogs

prosper. wnym'ng jn Paris Garden, fetting all the Kennels a barking) left all the Stygian Hel-hounds in a moft clamorous howling. The difmall confort hauing (with a worfe noife then the grating and crafhing of Iron when it is a fy.ling) ended thefe Blacke Santsy & mooke their gaftly heads foure or

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 347

fiue times together, & with chaines ratling at their heeles, (as if fo many blacke Dogs of New-gate had beene mad in a Tauerne there) ran bellowing All, about their Father of Mijchiefe, to know what Qualme came ouer his ftomake. He (darting an eye vpon them, able to confound a thoufand Con- iurers in their owne Circles, though with a wet finger they could fetch vp a little Diuell) and with an yiulation, (his chin almoft burfting his breaft- bone with a Nod) from which, fum'd out a breath (blacker then fea-coale fmoake out of a Brew- houfe chimney) which if their withered chaps had bin there, yawning to fucke it downe was of power to haue turned ten thoufand old Beldams in Lapland into the rankeft Witches, Hee thus grumbled : HeFs imdone. Why, yelped all the reft? An Armada (quoth he) cannot faue vs, HeisArmy our Legions (in the world next aboue defeated- vs) are ouerthrowne by that Stigmaticall Virago Vertue : All thofe Battalions that warred vnder ^ cullors of our Red & fiery Drago are de- baufhed : Suffer this bracke into our Acheronticke territories & hotter AJfaJJinations will euery day pel mel maule vs. Al about him cryed they would neuer endure it.

Whilft this indigefted mifchiefe lay broyling on their ftomackes, roome was made for an Intelli gencer newly arriu'd vpon thefe ftronds of Horror.

348 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

It was one of thofe nimble Vmbratid D<emones, Paracelsus de™ muifiblc as the Aire, & (like Aire)

neuer out of our company, one of thofe Gnomi, whofe part ^heofhraftus Paracelfus takes fo terribly, prouing/that whether we fw[i]mme, or are on land, or in the woods, or in houfes, wee are ft ill haunted with a fpirit or two at leaft, neither hurtfull nor doing good ; and fuch a one Furies are Heis was This i Belial Belzebub of Bara- :e thrum, had lately employed this Pur- feuant of his about ferious bufinefle;

'^ which hauing done nothing, and dreading but forry paiment for his

" labour> hee knew not how better to efcape the Furies, then ty forging fome

egregious lies, by the fame Anuile, that ^ hdl was now ftriking (that's to fay, touching the late viclorie of the Vertues) and fo to bee thought hee had fpent all his time in that intelligence.

He therefore being tofTed, (the throng was fo great) vpon their glowing flefh-hookes,

Blasphemy *? ' c

thediueis from one to one, till hee came before the grand Cacodemon, (his Maifter) who fate in a chaire all on fire, downe fell my little fpirit flat at his clouen feete : and then, the Captaine of Damnation, (hauing firft fpit out foure or fiue Blafphemies, which one of his Gentlemen

A STRANGE HORSE-RACE. 349

Vfhers ftill trod out) hee gnafhed his teeth, and afked if the newes were current : it was replied, yes.

Nay (cries this Goblin) to vnclafpe a booke of my further trauels, let mee bee hung in chaines of yce (as you are in fire, if I lie) and bee bound to eate flakes in the Frozen Zone for a thoufand yeares, if the Gloabe of the Terreftriall world bee not new Moulded, the Ball of it hath none of the Old Stuffing: not an inch of knauery can now bee had for loue or money; if you would giue a Million of Gold you cannot haue a Courtier in debt, if you would beftow a thoufand pounds worth of Tobacco on a Souldier but to fweare a Garrifon-oth, hee would die ere hee drunke it ; befides all Rich-men are liberall, Poo re men not contentious, Beggars not drunke, Lawyers not couetous, rich heires not riotous, Cittizens not enuious, clownes moft religious.

No / more, cryed the Tartarian Tarmagant ; The tother ftop'd in his Careere, and it was

. _ j Schellum in

time ; for this laft Cannon, mot Schel- Dutch, a lum Wajferhand through both his broad serhand* fides. The fall of this Mil-ftone had Names fitting

n 1 n i - i i /-iii i • for the DiuelL

almolt burft his heart, he figh d nothing but flames of fire, fpit nothing but flakes of brim- ftone, weep'd nothing but fcoopes-full of fcalding- water ; for now he faw the Dilaceration of his

350 A STRANGE HORSE-RACE.

owne Luciferan Kingdome, and the exaltation of his enemies ; out of his prefence hee commanded all. They breake their Neckes for haft ; he bawld for Muficke ; Ten thoufand foules were prefently fet a yelling : hee tooke no pleafure in't. Hee felt himfelfe damnably heart-burnt, pangues worfe then the tortures of euerlafting death fell vpon him, and no hope of his Recouery ; which made an inexpreilible howling in hell.

No Amendment being in him, hee cals for Phyfitions : not one would come neere him, they knew his payment too well; for Potecaries they were futtle enough, and cared not for his cuftome. He then roard out for a cunning Scriuener to The Notary ma^e his Will', one was at his Elbow

prefently. Him he hugd in his armes, Paris. ancj ciy'd Out5 Welcome my Sonne ;

thou now malt for euer bind mee vnto thee.

Sr. Satrapas Satan, then goes on and tels him,

Hee's falne into a low and miferable eftate, his

cafe is defperate, and therefore being vtterly

giuen ouer, hee fends for him to make his ILafl

Will and cfeftament^ and fo Signior Scriuano

begins, and galops as faft with his Pen,

as Monjieur Diabolo could with

his chaps. The Will

was this.

The/Diuels laft Will and TESTAMENT.

EHEMAH Dornfchweyn, Prince of all that lyes betweene the Eaft and the Weft, the North and the South; Mighty both, on the Sea, and on the Land, chiefe Vayuode of Vfury, Symony, Bribery, Periury, Forgery, Tyrrany, Blafphemy, The Diuill is Calumny, &c. (My Vaflails and Deputies, with all their Petty Officers vnder them) Patron of all that ftudy the blacke and Negromanticke Arts ; Father of all the Roaring Boyes ; The Founder and Vpholder of Paintings, Dawbings, Plaifterings, Pargettings, Purflings,Cerufings, Cement- ings, Wrinkle-fillings, and BotchillgS VD a chiefe Ruler: & ' & * * an Attribute

or old, decayed, and weather-beaten giuen to great

gu Faces ; being confounded, and tormented pans of

r u U L • A/T ^nwwand

in euery limbe : but haumg my Memory Transalpine and Wits frefh and liuely, doe make

Hungary*

352 THE DIUELS LAST WILL

this my loft Will and Teftament in manner and forme following :

Inprimis, I will bequeath the World (whereof

I am Prince) with all the Pleafures,

es'Inticements, and Sorcerous Vanities

thereof, to bee equally diftributed amongft / my

Tohis Sons and Daughters ; and becaufe (of

children. my owne knowledge) I find very many

of them, to be damnable and wicked, I lay vpon

all fuch a fathers heauy curfe ; not caring though

they hang in hell, becaufe they haue run a villan-

ous, impious, prepofterous, and diuelifh Race.

Item. To all thofe Ladies, Gentlewomen, and

A Legacy Cittizens wiues, (being fet downe by

to Ladies. their Names in my Black-book) to

whofe houfes & company I haue bene welcome at mid-night, my Will is y they all, mail mourne.

Item. I further will and bequeath to my louing A Legacy to anc^ deereft friends, the Vfurers of this

vsurers. Qtty, an fucn mOneis as are now, or mall heereafter bee taken aboue the rate of 10. ith hundred.

Item. My Will is, that euery Gentleman who

ferues mee, mall bee kept in his Chaine,

Gallants, that yea, the worft that hath followed mee,

follow him. \ J . . i i i r • r -r\

let him goe in a blacke luite or Durance.

Item. Whereas I haue many Bafe Daughters

lurking about y Suburbs, I giue to the Carbuncles

AND TESTAMENT.

353

y to

a peece, the biggeft that can be goten. And to thofe Matrons (that for my fake haue A Legacy to bene euer deere to thofe my faid thlTcutie. Daughters) I giue to each of them a A Legacy to bottle of the fame Aqua-vit<e, whereof I my felfe drinke.

Item. I giue my inuifible cloakes to all Bank- routs, becaufe they made them, but to A one Poet onely (called Poet Comedy) I giue my beft inuifible Cloake, becaufe it onely fits his fhoulders better then mine owne, but chiefly for that hee will trim it vp well, and line it with Come not neere mey or ft and off\ And becaufe he is a flip of mine owne grafting, I Jikewife bequeath to him my beft Slippers, to walke and play with his Keepers nofes.

Item. I giue to all Officers that loue mee, a brace of my owne Angels to hang A legacy to about their neckes, as a remembrance louThim*1 of mee.

Item, I my Wil is, that all the Brokers in Long- lane be fent to me with all fpeed poflible, A ijegSLCy to becaufe I haue much of them laid to Brokers- pawne to me, which will, I know, neuer be redeemed, and what I giue to them fhall bee in Hugger- Mugger ; and for their brethren (the reft of their lewifh Tribe in the Synagogue of Hounf-ditcti) let the be aflured they fhall not bee

D. III. 2?

354 THE DIUELS LAST WILL

forgotten, becaufe I heare they pray for mee howrely : I pitty thefe poore difpifed foules, becaufe if they fhould mifle mee, I know what would become of them.

Item. I giue toward the mending of the High- A Legacy for waies> betwecne New-gate and Tyburne, Taay1ogTy-e a11 the gniuell that lies in the Kidneys,

bume. Reynes and Bladders, of Churles, Vfurers, Baudes, Harlots, and Whoore-maifters, and rather then thofe Grauel-pits, fhould grow fcanty, I will that they bee fupplied continually.

Item. I giue to all Jailors and Keepers of A Legacy to Pr^ons, to euery one of them, the foule

layiors. Qf a Beare (to bee rauenous) the body of a Woolfe (to be cruell ;) the fpeech of a Dog (to be churlifh ;) the Tallons of a Vulture (to bee griping,) and my countenance to beare them out in their office, that they may looke like diuels vpon poore prifoners:

Item. My Will is, that if any Roaring Boy ALegacieto (Bringing from my Race) happen to be RoaringBoies-Stabd, fwaggering, or fwearing three- pil'd oathes in a Tauerne, or to bee kild in the quarrell of his Whoore ; let him bee fetched hither (in my owne Name) becaufe heere he mall be both lookt too, and prouided for.

Laftly, I make and ordaine (by this my loft Will and ^ eft amen f) a common Barretour to

AND TESTAMENT. 355

bee my Executor ; and two Knights, who are my fworne feruants and are of the Poft;

/ 1 1 • -KT \ f t • -it ALegacieto

(their Names and leruice being naild the Diueis vpon Fillers in Weftminfter Pallace) I make them, (al-be-it they / are pur-blind) my Ouerfeers, and for their paines therein, I will be queath to each of them a great round Pearle, to be worne in their eyes, becaufe I may be ftil in their fight, when I am gone from them.

And to teftify that this is my laft and onely Will which mall ftand, I fubfcribe my Name vnto it, thereby Renouncing, Retracting, Reuo- cating, Difanulling, & quite Cancelling, all former Wils whatfoeuer by mee at any time or times made : In witnefle whereof all the States Infernall ; Avernally Acheronticke, Stygian, Phlegetonticke and Peryphlegitonticke, haue likewife fubfcribed, in the yeare of our Ranging in the World, 5574.

Mounfieur Nouerint (being a man, whofe con ditions were too well knowne) had Although there nothing faid to him at this time, be- nuiiaretrorsa

out of Hell,

caufe the Diuell was very bad, and had yet you must

* . know hee had

no ftomacke to talke of old Reckonings aconueiance

for that pur-

(for Vniuerfe was in his debt) but had pose, to feme

V lit ingresse and

his payment, and was glad he got away, egresse. Now, as it often happens to rich Cur- Rich mens mudgeons, that after they haue fettled false alarums- their eftates on their death-beds, (as they verily

356 THE DIUELS LAST WILL

feare) and that their wiues gape day and night to be widdowes, that from their hufbands coffin they may leape into a Coach and be Ladies, their fonnes and heires curfing as fail (as the mothers pray) vntill the great Capon-bell ring out, the daughters weeping (when they know their por tions) onely becaufe they are not marriageable, or if manageable, becaufe ere they mourne in blacke, they haue not Suitefs to make them merry, & the kindred as greedy (for their parts) to fee the wind ing fheete laid out, that they may fetch their fat Legacies, & then (oh terrible then !) y old Fox reuiues, fals to his fleepe, cals for his victuals, feeles himfelfe mend, remembers his bags, cries out for his keies, feales vp his mony, no talk of a Wil, no hope of a Widdow, no fharing of his wealth ; Euen the felfe-fame Pill tooke this Diego Dtfmonum, and recouered vpon it.

For / all his children, acquaintance, and feruants, {landing round about him, howling and crying for him, behold ! this howling of theirs made him almoft out of his wits; that madneffe quickened his fpirits, his fpirits made him rowze vp himfelfe, with that rowzing hee began to looke into what danger he was falne, and by looking into it, to deuife plots againe to raife it.

Heereupon, a Synode was called of all the fubtilleftr and plaugieft prates in Hell, (of which

AND TESTAMENT. 357

there are good ftore) : Magog Mammon, there dis- couers his difeafe, the caufe of it, and the perill ; his feare is that his Kingdome would now bee forely fhaken, and his forrowes, becaufe all they fhould be fure to fmart for it more then he him- felfe, hee therefore craues their infernall counfell.

They (it, they confer, they confult, and from that confultation (after many villanous proiects told on their homes like dung vpon Pitch-forkes, and fmelling worfe) this Aduice was hatched, and had fethers flucke on the backe, the reft were pluckt naked ; And this it was, That Minotaure Polyphem (the Sire of all thofe Whelpes barking thus in the Kennels of Hell) fhould forth-with put fire into his old Bones, and fall to threming of their Damme, to get more Hell-hounds, (braue yong little Diuels) whom hee may (like Tumblers) hoyft from one Fiends fhoulder vp to another, and fo pop them into the world : And they againe going to Bull, with other blacke Goblins, may ingender, what monfters they pleafe to fet all the world and all the people in it out of tune, and the worfe Mufkke they make, the more fport it is for him.

This Act was Filed vpon Record : moft Voyces carried it away ; the Councell flowed currant, the Court is adiourned, and the great Beglherby of Lymbo fals hotly / to his bufinefle. Now you muft

358 THE DIUELS LAST WILL AND TESTAMEN2.

vnderftand, that the Diuell being able to get chil dren fafter then any man elfe, had no fooner touched his old Laplandian Gueneuora, but mee as fpeedily quickned ; and no fooner quickned, but was deliuered, and lay in, and had at this Litter or Burden, two twins.

Dabh, Aldip Alambat: their father gaue them Dabh, the their names, the one was called Hyfo- digf dead men *r//fe, the other Ingratitude. Hypocrifie °to deuoure5 was put to nurfe to an Anabaptift of Aiamtat, fs Amfterdam, but Ingratitude was brought vp at home. In a mort time they , & battend, and were plumpe as fat Chop- '6oroe/x bacons they were, and toward to pradlife any trickes that were mewed them.

So that beeing ripe for maifters, Hypocrifie was Hypocrisyes prefently bound to a Puritane Taylor,

cloake-maker.by ^ ^^^ and did nothing but make

Clokes of Religion for to weare, of a thoufand colours. Hee ran away from the Taylor, and then dwelt with a Vizard-maker, and there hee was the firft who inuented the wearing of two faces vnder a hood. After this hee trauelled into Italy , and there learned to embrace with one arme, and ftabbe with another: to fmile in your face, yet to wifh a ponyard in your bofome : to proteft, and yet lye : to fweare loue, yet hate mortally. From Italy hee came into the Low-countries >

THE CATCH-POLS MASQUE.

359

where he would not talke, vnlefle hee dranke with him, and call you Myn Leeuin Broder, with a full glafTe, onely to ouer-reach you in your cups of your bargaine.

Out of Germany hee is againe come ouer into England- his lodging is not certaine :

I? /ri u \ U The picture

£or (like a whoore) hee lyes euery of ton hypo- where. Hee fometimes is at Court, and is there exceeding full of complement ; hee goes fometimes like a threed-bare Scholler, with lookes humble, as a Lambes, and as innocent, but his heart prouder then a Turkes to a Chriftians.

Hee /hath a winning and bewitching prefence, a fweete breath, a muficall voyce, and a Fistula dulce warme foft hand. But it is dangerous fanttt ^c' to keepe company with him, becaufe he can alter himfelfe into fundry fhapes. In the Citty hee is a Dogge, and will fawne vpon you : In the fields hee is a Lyons Whelpe, and will play with you : In the Sea hee is a Mer-mayd, and will fing to you. But that fawning is but to reach at your throat : that playing is to get you into his pawes, and that finging is nothing elfe but to fink and confound you for euer.

This picture of Perdition (Hypocrifie) was not drawne fo fmoothly, fo cunningly, and ingratitude fo enticingly, but his brother (Ingrati- Pictured- tude) though there went but a paire of Sheares

360 TH£ CATCH-POLS MASQUE.

betweene them, was as vgly in fhape, and as blacke in foule : hee was a Fiend in proportion, and a Fury in condition. It is a monfter with many hands, but no eyes : It catcheth at any thing, but cannot fee the party from whom it receiues. This is that fellow made all the Diuels at firft, and ftill fupplyes their number con tinually.

This is that Lethargy that makes vs forget our Maker, and neuer to thanke him for

" Lethargia est . r i i n r

\ mentis alien- whatlocuer he bcliowes on vs i for no

atio <5r* rerum n . . _ . . n T r

prope omnium ZilHtQ. IS Content With hlS ftate. If WCC obliuio. r T/, . .

are poore, wee curie ; If rich, wee grumble it comes in no fafter ; If hard-fauoured, wee enuy the beautifull ; If faire, it is our tree of damnation, and for money euery flaue climbes it.

This is that Torpedo, which if we touch, a

Numbnejfe ftrikes all our ioynts, and haue no feeling one of another. is hee which maketh one forget God and his country, the King and his kindred, only to pleafe the great Diuell his father. He that this day hath beene comforted with thy fire, fed with thy bread, relieued with thy purfe, and kept from being lowfie by thy linnen, to / morrow will bee ready to fet the fame houfe on fire y hid him from cold, for thy bread to giue thee ftones ; for

membra.

THE CA TCH-POLS MA SQ UE. 361

the money thou lenteft him, to fell thee (like a

Judas,) and for thy linnen, which wrapped him

warme, glad to fee thee in danger to goe naked.

Thus haft thou this Gorgon in

liuely colours: becaufe therefore

the odioufnefTe of this beaft

mould ftill be in our eye, God hath

Hierogliphically figured it in many of

his creatures.

The Viper is an Embleme of it, whofe] yong-ones gnaw out the belly in which they are bred. So is the Mule, whofe panch being full with fucking, me kickes her dam. So is the luy, which kils that •**•"*• ^-s-,. by which it climbes : and fo is fire, which de- ftroyes his nourifher.

The tongue of Ingratitude is the fting of that frozen Snake, which wounds the bofome that gaue it heate and life.

The hands of Ingratitude are thofe Tubbes full of holes, which the daughters of Danaus fill vp with water in hell, and as faft as it is powred in, it all runs out againe.

An ingratefull man therefore is not like Nero, that gathered flowers out of Ennius his Cantharidum heape of dung, but like the Cantharides p^f^^as. that fuckes poyfon out of the fweeteft Ouid- in Ibim* flower.

362 THE CATCH-POLS MASQUE.

Not without great wifedome did that old The Man- Serpent, (the Anthropophagizde Satyr)

his Hellifh brood of his in humane fhapes : for you fee how bene-

eir ferU*1Ce ma7 bee tO him> and

how tnaleuolcnt they are likely to be to \ man : f°r thefe are th°fe ^hneumons that

creepe in at our mouthes, and are not fatisfied only firft with deuouring whats within vs, and then to eate quite through our bodyes, but the food which they luft after, is to rauen vpon the foule.

My purpofe was (when the grand Helca had gotten thefe/two Furies with nine Hues), onely to haue drawne the Curtaines of her Childe-bed, in which mee lay in, and to haue fhewne no more but the well-fauoured faces of her paire of Monkyes ; But you fee, from her withered Teates I haue brought them to their cradles, from the cradle caried the to Nurfe ; & from thence fol lowed them till they were able to doe feruice in the world. How they haue fped, you heare, and how they are likely to profper, you may iudge.

But you muft thinke that their father, after hee had begun to digge, and feeing his

Canidia a . . f

witch of whom labours thnue, would not io gme ouer:

For the old Countefle Canidia, (his

wife) being a teeming Lamia, after me was

THE CA TCH-PQLS MA SQ UE. 363

deliuered of the two firft Lemures, (Hypocri/ie and Ingratitude) did within fhort time after, bring forth others, as Schifme, Atheijme, Paganifme, Idiotifme, Apoftacy, Impenitency, Diffidence, Prejumption, and ^ spectre. a whole generation of fuch others ; of whom the father needes not bee iealous that the Sorcerefle their mother playd falfe with vnhapy

, . /-i i x • «>i children.

him, euery one of them beeing like him in vifage, and carrying in their bofomes his villanous conditions ; For as he himfelfe goes prowling vp and downe for his Prey, fo do thefe take after him, and play their parts fo well, that all Hell roares with laughing, and rings with giuing them plaudits.

For thefe Furies haue in the Church bred Contentions, in Courts Irreligion, in the Citty Prophanationy in the Countrey ignorance of all goodneffe ; and in the World, a knowledge of the moft flagicious Impieties.

At the birth of euery one thefe Monfters, were >/ particular Triumphes, but aboue all the reft, one had the glory to be graced with a Mafque, and it < was at an vpfitting, when the Gqfflps and many great States were there prefent.

It / was a Morall Mafque, a Mifticall Mafque ; / and a Conceited, fet out at the coft of The Masque, certaine Catch-pols, who were witty in the Inuen-

364 THE CA TCH-POLS MA SQ UE.

tion, liberall in the Expence, quicke in the Per formance, and neate in the putting off.

The Majquers themfelues were braue fellowes, bare-faced, not needing, nor caring for

The Masquers. Tr. . , . . .r . , .

any Vizards (their owne vitages beemg good enough, becaufe bad enough), they were not afhamed of their doings. Euery one of them came in with fome property in his right hand, Their Masqu- appliable to the name of a Catch-poll,

ingapparrell. an(j tQ ^ nature Qf fa Catch-pols

Mafque : For one had a Fimermans Net, another an Angling rod, another a tree like a Lime-bum, another a Welfh-hooke, another a Moufe-trap, another a handfull of Bryers, and fuch like : and euery one of thefe had a baite, and a Soule nibling at euery baite. In their left hands they held whips, vpon their heads they wore Anticke crownes of Feathers plucked from Rauens wings, Kites and Cormorants, (beeing all Birds of Rapine and Catching:) And on their bodyes loofe Jackets of Wolues fkinnes, with Bafes to them of Vultures, whofe heads hang dangling downe as low as their knees, which made an excellent mew. Their legges were buttoned vp in Gamajhes, made of Beares paws, the nailes flicking out at full length. They who fupplyed the places of 'Torch-bearers, The Torch- carpyed no Torches, (as in other Mas- bearers. queries they doe) but (their armes being

THE CATCH- POLS MASQUE.

365

Their Drum.

ftript vp naked to their elbowes) they griped (in either hand) a bundle of liuing Snakes, and Adders, which writhing about their wrifts, fpit wild fire and poyfon together, and fo made ex cellent fport to the aflembly.

They had a Drum, after which they marched (two & two) & that was made of an old Caudron, the head of it being couered / with the (kins of two flead Spanijh Inquifitors, and a hole (for vent) beaten out at the very bottome : the Drum-ftickes were the fhin- bones of two Dutch- Free-roofers : So that it founded like a Switzers Kettle-drum.

The Muficke ftrucke vp, and they daunced; in their dauncing it was an admirable The Masquers fight to behold, how the Soules that lay Daunce- nibbling at the baites, did bobbe vp and downe : and ftill as they did bite, the whippes lamed them for their liquorimnefle. The fwallowing of the baytes was (to thofe Soules) a pleafure, and their flapping to and fro, when they were whipped, made all Hell fall into a laughing. One of thofe baytes was Promotion, the fecond was Gold, the third Beauty, the fourth Reuenge, the fift a pipe of Tobacco: and fuch rotten ftuffe were all the reft.

The Daunce was an infernall Irijh-hay, full of mad and wilde changes, which (with the Majquers)

366

THE CATCH-POLS MASQUE.

vanifhed away as it came in, (like vnto dgryppaes fhadowes.)

Now becaufe (in naming this the Catch-pols Majque) fome fquint-eyd Afle, (thinking he can fee quite through a load of Mill-ftones) will goe about to perfwade the credulous world, that I meane thofe Sergeants and Officers who fit at Counter- gates. No, there is no fuch traine layd, no fuch powder, no fuch linftocke in my pen to giue fire : they are Boni & legates homines, good fellowes, and honeft men : that name of Catch-poll is fpitefully ftucke vpon them by a by-name : for to thefe Catch-pols, that are now vnder my fingers, doth it properly, naturally, and really belong, and to none other.

If thofe two fet of Counters compell a man to caft vp his Reckoning, what he owes, and how much hee is out, yet they catch no man, except the Law put them on, / and it is their office. No, no, Paulo Maiora Canamus. Thofe Catch-pols whom wee deale with, are of a larger ftampe, of a richer mettall, and of a coine more currant. I will therefore firft tell you what a Catch-poll is, and then you may eafily picke out what thofe gallants are whom we call fo.

A Catch-poll is one that doth both catch and what a catch- P°^ : wno ^s not content onely to haue

poll is. tfa fheepe, but muft meare it too ; and

THE CATCH-POLS MASQUE. 367

not fheare it, but to draw bloud too. So then by this Etymology of the word, any one that finifterJy wrefts and fcrues Monopolies

v- i j c.\\ r • ^ a- Their Sp€Ct€S.

into his hands, to nil his Coffers, (though his owne confcience whifpers in his eare, that hee beggers the Common-wealth) and .his Prince neuer the better for it : but the poore Subiects much the worfe : Hee is a Grand Catch poll.

Any one that takes Bribes, and holds the Scales of luftice with an vn-euen hand, laying the rich mans caufe (be it neuer fo bad) in the heauy fcale, and the poore mans (be it neuer fo good) in the light one, hee is a Catch-poll.

A Paftor, that hauing a Flocke to feede, fuffers them to breake into ftrange fields, lets them ftray he cares not how ; be dragged away by the Wolfe, he regards not whither : feeth them ficke and difeafed, and will not cure them : hee is a Catch poll.

So is a Lawyer, that fleas his Clyent, and doth nothing elfe for him.

So is an Alder-man, if he rob the poore Widow, or friendlefle-forfaken Orphant.

So is a Soldier, that makes bloud, rapes, luft and violence his proper ends ; and not Gods quarrell, his Princes right, or the honour of his Country.

So is a Citizen, that cozens other men of their

368 THE CA TCH-POLS MA SQ UE.

goods, and fels bad ware in a blind fhop, to honeft Cuftomers, of / which they neuer are able to make the one halfe : yet if they breake their day, hee will let them rot in prifon rather then releafe them.

And laftly, that Prentice, who robs his maifter, and fpends his fubftance vpon Harlots ; hee is a Catch-foil as egregious as the beft.

Out of thefe Rankes were thofe Hot-fliots (the

Mafquers) drawne, whom I leaue to double

their Files by themfelues, becaufe I fee

the Reare-ward comming vp,

and I muft likewife

teach them their

Poftures.

THE/ BANKROVTS BANQUET.

[HAT is a Mafque without a Banquet?

And what is a Banquet if it bee not

ferued vp in State?

To heighten therefore the Solemnity of this Child- beds vp- fitting, as alfo to curry fauour, with the Blacke King of Neagers, (their Lord and Maifter), another crew, of as boone Companions as the former, as fat in the purfe and as lauifh in fpending, but more carefull of beeing blazoned to the world, for what they did, and therefore all of them hiding their heades, laid their monies together, and prefented a Strange, Rare, Curious, and moft Sumptuous Banquet, to Donzell Diauolo. Inuiting not onely himfelfe, but alfo his new-deliuered Spoufe (Queene of the Grimme Tartars, the Troglodites, who eate Serpents, the foode of Diuels, the Cimerians, the Sodomites, and the Gomorrh<eans) and with her, the great Diabolicall Conuenticle there aflembled together.

D. III. 24.

370 THE BANKRO VTS BANQ UET.

To ftoppe all thefe mouthes with Sugar-plumes, you/muft needs thinke, would afke a huge charge; but they who vndertake the coft, refpe&ed not the expence, for they had not onely coyne of their owne enough, but they had fhragd others too of Bermudes theirs, and being hunted from corner to ^/DiSf corner in the world, hither (into the

re^Tnntingohfe Iland of the Bermudes haunted as all

elhencre ™en know with Hogs and Hobgoblings) to the sea. came they for fl^t^ for heerc they

know they are fure, from hence none dare fetch them : they are called Bankrouts.

And becaufe the Catch-pols proportiond out a Deuice refponfible to their Name and Quality ; thefe Bankrouts (treading in the fame fteps of Ambition) Martiald vp a Banquet, relliming like- wife of their name, carriage and condition. So that, although they had hooked into their hands, all forts of Wares, Goods, Commodities, and Merchandize, out of the true Owners fingers, and had laid them far enough from their reach ; yet would they ferue this Banquet to the Table, neither in Plate, in Chriftall, in Chyna dimes, glaffe or any other furniture, but in a Stuffe, deerer to them (and more deere to others) then any of the Mettals recited. For they to get wealth into their Fifts, not making a feare, nor confcience to feale to any Parchements ; in Sealed Difh.es, therefore

THE BANKROVTS BANQUET.

37*

was their Banquet brought in. And thus the Bankrouts themfelues (to adde more State to the Ceremony) came marching with their Suckets, &c. in order.

Firft, the vpper end of the Table was furnimed with the heauieft, coftlieft, and cunningft ^g Rankrouts Bondes that could be got, for loue, wit, banciuet- or mony ; and they were heaped vp with Cynamon Comfits, (Cynamon being an extreme Bondes, a Bynder ;) and of this Banquetting Dim binding «^te- was fuch ftore, that it ran cleane through the Board.

Next, came in" Bils Obligatory, (a thoufand in a clufter) and they were filled with Bils bjnders Conferues of Slowes, and other / Stipticke fweete-meates.

After thefe in moft luditiall manner, and with great pompe and charge, were Statutes JArfWerdan. ferued vp : and they were laden with eerous meats- Candyed Eringoes ; of purpofe to put fpirit into him that mould eate of this dim, and to keepe him vp, becaufe, if hee finke or grow ficke with chewing downe or fwallowing of Statute, he'es gone and little hope of recouery.

luft in the taile of thofe, were brought to the Table a goodly company of Defea zances, and they held delicate Flakes of White

• «*«•••• i • « i T» n •

and Red lelhes, being both Reitoratiue,

and very loofing to the ftomake, and good againft

the stomacke.

372 THE BANKRO VTS JBANQ UET.

thofe Binding and Reftringent difhes, which came in firft : at the vpper end of the Table this difh fhould haue bene ferued vp, but it had a mis chance.

After all this, a Capias with a Latitat, went from one to one, but none touched

Latitats no , - , . - .

sweetnesse in thole dimes, yet they were heaped full to the brim with Sugar-pellets, and

cakes of Gynger-bread piled round about them;

But the Pellets when they were mot did fcarce hit, and the Gynrer fo bit their tongues,

Hot in the ' • -t

mouth and and let their mouths in a heat, that none mg' at the Table toucht them, but fhifted them one from another.

At the laft, Attachments appeared in their like- Attachments^fa, and they were fild into bottels of heady-drinke. ffyfocras, and other ftrong Wines; able to lay hold of a man, as fuddenly as he laies hold of them, and to make him (if hee drinke hard of them) to bee carried away, and bid good-night Land-lord.

Next thofe dimes, were brought in, a number

drffamfare of Outlaries, thwackt with Purging-

ternbie Purges, ^jfo . for they are able to make a

man flye ouer nine hedges.

And below them ftood Judgements, full of new ludgements lie bakt Diet-bread, and therefore hard for

heauy in the n . . rt

stomacke. the ftomacke to difgeft.

THE BANKROVTS BANQUET.

373

Ne exeat

ningt

But/clofe by them were placed Executions, which cloyed euery ones ftomacke there ; Executions a for they were Tarts of feuerall FroitCSjjJSShm. ftucke with Mujke-comfits of purpofe, to wholsoine- fweeten the mouth, if any mould happen to lay his lippes to [fo] fowre a dim.

The laft Banquetting-ftuffs (faue one) were Ne exeat Regnumy and thofe were heaped to the top with Annif-Jeed-comJits, being exceeding good to procure Long-winds, if a man haue a minde, or bee forced to Run his Country.

The laft of all were Protections, fome larger than other ; and when thefe came in, a

. /- 11 i T* 7 Protections

moute was given, for all the Bankrouts wholesome & flung vp their caps, and bid their Guefts prefaces, for now they faw their Cheere. In thofe Protections lay March-panes, which mewed like Bucklers, % long Orange-comfits ftanding vp like Pikes, & in the midft of euery March-pane a goodly fweet Caflle, all the bottomes being thickely ftrewed with Car e aw ate s. And this was the Bank- routs Sybariticall Banquet.

The ^ueint cafting of the dimes fo brauely, all in wax was wondred at, the working, tempering, moulding, and fafhioning of the Sweete-meates were commended, the conceipt of Furniming the Table extolled, the coft well liked off, and the

374 THE BANKRO VTS BANQ UE T.

Beftowers, not reward with common thankes ; for the Grand-Signior of the triple-world called the Eankrouts his White Sonnes, and fwore a Damnable Oath, that hee himfelfe would haue an Eye ouer them.

And fo, after hee and his Bajhaes, had cramd their guts, they rofe, euery Officer being charged to looke to his place, that no more fuch terrors may make the fteepe hils that fupport his King- dome; and with fuch leffons, they flye feuerall waies, fwift, and as horrid as whirle-windes. A mufle being made amongft the poorer fort in Hell, /of the fweete-meate-fcraps, left after the Banquet.

The Feafters being difperfed, the maifters of the Feafty (the Eankrouts] held in a knot together : it was told them, there was beating at the gates to fpeake with them. All went to fee : and who was it but the Comfit -maker , that trufted them with his ftuffe, and brought a bill of three-fcore and odde pounds, requefting to haue his money. His Pay-makers told him this was no world to part from money, but to get as much as euery man could into his owne hands : other men did fo, and fo would they, their elders read them that lefTon, and they muft take it out. If he would take two (hillings in the pound, they would pay him downe vpon the naile : If not, they were

THE BANKROVTS BANQUET.

375

refolued to try the vtmoft, and therefore bid him go fhake his eares.

The poore rotten-tooth'd Comfit-maker, at thefe out-of-tune-notes, was ready to run out of his wits: Hee rapt at the gates, fwore, curfed, and railed ; Are you men (cryed he out) or diuels ? How mall I pay my Sugar-marchant ? How my Grocers ? How my Bakers ? How my worke- men ? How my Orange-women, if you pay me thus with flips ? Into halters flip you all ; you haue robbed me, vndone me, beggered me, and left nothing in my fhop but one box of bitter Almonds, and I would they were burning red- hot in your bellies too.

The more fowre his language was, the more fweet it was to them : for they did but laugh to heare him curfe, and went their wayes : He feeing no remedy, fwore hee would rattle all hell about their eares if they bob'd him off thus : And fo betweene fcolding and whining, he thus tooke his peny-worths of them in words, though not in filuer.

If (faid he) you were poore, and had it not, I would neuer aflce you a peny, if you Men that are were forced to breake by any / late toS2£bTk fhip-wracke at fea, or by the villany pittied' of Debito\f\s on the land, or by the frownes of the world, or the falfenefle of feruants, I fhould

376 THE DANKROVTS BANQUET.

pawne my fhirt from my backe to releiue you; but you burft vpon knauery, cheating, and roguery.

You that thus vndermine your owne eftates, An inuectiue with other mens) your felues, are like

against volun- . ' J

tary and trees itandmg m your next neighbours

cosening ° ' , , ° , .

bankerouts. ground, which you climbe m the darke, & gathering the fruit (like theeues) run away with it by Moone-mine. But if your ftates were weake for want of ability to pay, then are you thofe trees that (in your owne ground) are beaten with ftormes, whofe apples are maken down fpite- fully on the earth, and are deuoured by fuch Hoggi/h debters before the true Owners can come to take them vp : and if fo, you are to be pittied and releeued. You tell me you will breake : do

Their good ^°> breake your neckes. But before you name lost. £Q ^ m^Q ^ accountj that you are

as bad as halfe hanged; for you haue an ill, and

a moft abhominable name : try elfe.

A Bankrout) that is to fay, a Banker-out : A who is a Citizen that deales in mony, or had

Bankrout. mQny in g^^ Qr jn fo^ fff h Quf

(when he Breakes :) But me thinkes hee is rather

In. I fee no reafon we mould fay, he breakes,

The life of a tnere is more reafon to cry out, He

Bankrout. mafas ^// Wh0l^ Or hee makes vp his

mouthy (as you haue done with my plums) or he

THE BANKRQ VTS BANQUET. 377

gets the diuell and all. For what doe you, but lye grunting in your ftyes, like Hoggesy and fat your ribbes with fruits of other mens labours. In my opinion you mould feare the bread you eate fhould choke you, becaufe it is ftolne ; the drinke you fwallow fhould ftrangle you, becaufe you quaffe the bloud of honeft houfholders : and that the wine you carowfe fhould dam you, becaufe (with it) you mixe the teares of mothers, & the cries of children.

If a Rogue cut a purfe, hee is hanged ; if pilfer, hee is burnt in the hand : You are worfe then Rogues ; for you cut / many purfes : Nay, you cut many mens throats, you fteale from the The sinne of hufband, his wealth : from the wife her a Bankrout- dowry : from children their portions. So that ouer your heads hang the curfes of Families : how then can you hope to profper ? For to play the Bankrout, is to bid men to a Citty-rifling, where euery one puts in his money, and none wins but one, and that is the Bankrout.

If all the water in the Thames were inke, and all the fethers vpon Swans backes were pens, and all the fmoky failes of weft- erne barges, were white paper, & all the exPressed- Scriueners, all the Clarkes, all the Schoole-maifters, & all the Scholers in the kingdome were fet a writing, and all the yeares of the world yet to

378 THE BANKROVTS BANQUET.

come, were to be imploied only in that bufinefle : that inke would be fpent, thofe pens grub'd clofe to the ftumps, that paper fcribled all ouer, thofe writers wearied, and that time worne out, before the fhifts, legerdemaines, conueiances, reaches, fetches, ambufhes, traines, and clofe vnder-minings of a Bankrout could to the life be fet downe. This was the laft winter-plum the fad Comfit- maker threw at their heads ; and fo left them, and fo I leaue them.

My Mufe that art fo merry, When wilt thou fay th'art weary ? Neuer (I know it) neuer, This flight thou couldft keepe euer : Thy mapes which fo do vary, Beyond thy bownds thee cary. Now plume thy ruffled wings, Hee's hoarfe who alwayes fmgs.

Contigimus for turn, quo mihi cur Jus erat* FINIS. /

END OF VOL. III.

Printed by Hazell, Watson, and Viney, Limited, London, atul Ayleslury.

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PR Dekker, Thomas

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