tlubor jfacsimile Seyts
nr
[by Lo. BARRY]
Date of earliest known original edition . . . . 1611
(B.M. 644, b. i and Dyce copy)
Reproduced in Facsimile 1913
totor Jfatarntik lists
rVo\. 80
Ae Supervision and Editorship of JOHN S. FARMER
or i«rr friths
[by Lo. BARRY] 1611
for Subscribers by the Editor of
THE TUDOR FACSIMILE TEXTS MCMXIII
?R
<b
Ham-Jtlkg 0r JIUrrg ®rkks
[by Lo. BARRY] 1611
This play is reproduced from an original copy of the earliest known edition of 1611 now in the British Museum. That copy, however, is imperfect, wanting two leaves, Bz and B$. These four pages have been supplied from the Dyce copy at South Kensington.
For all that is known of Barry and this his only known play, students may consult the D.N.B.
This reproduction from the original is satisfactory having regard to its condition.
JOHN S. FARMER.
RAM-ALLS^
Or
t Mcme-Trickes,
•
A COMEDY
>iuers times hcre-to<
Written by Loi^Barref.
etren
. cf the Kings Rcuck.
1 Printed b"^ ^"^-^—"^-
AT LONOTR ': W r G. £W/or T^rtWijfali
and areto'bc fold at his (hop mttolbonjc, at cbc new gate of Gray es Inne. i 6 ii.
/ '.'• '-' •'.• ' '. • ' V •' i
•"'f' II
The Prologue^
pj Omt-bred mirth our Mufe dothfafr
The Satyrtt tooth andWafpiflifting, Which molt do hurt when le*ft fufyetkedt 3} this Play tire not af tiled ;
But if Conceit with quick-turn dScetnet^'ilJ-yn ObfervngalltbofeZncitntftreamrs, Which from the Horfe-foot fount do flow t
'/?
Tkiugs neuer done with that true life,
That thoughts andwitsfiaUJtandatJlrife, ,
Whether the things now Jbenne be Me,
Or trðer vre ourfelues nov do
The things wee butprefent : if theft,
Free from tbelo*thfomeft*ge difeaje,
(So ouer*>ornejo tirde andfttk,
Not S*tyriz,ingbut to rude,)
C#£ff v"»jottr favours ^nd inherit
But cdmetccepttnce for his merit.'
.>*__-_ t ** — •*
And by the learned Sifters dri*ke, Toffendbis Timejiit Ltmpsjjti Ojte, And neuer ceafi bis brtine to toylet Tin from tktfileut houret of night, Heedoth produce for jour delight, '// Conceits ft ne»}fo htrmleflejree, TbttPuritMstbem-filuesiiMyfee jfP/*y.jet not mpubltke Tre*cht To *t Players fitch levtd doflrtne teach That their pure ioyttts do tjuakftnd trtmble. When they doe fee a. man refembtt The Picture of* Villain* : This As bee a friend to Mufes is, To you by met tfiuet bis word, Isallhu Play doth now affoord. -FINIS.
Adtorum nomina.
Sir Oliutr SmuU^tumke t.
I*fticeTtttcht».
Thotnts
Tbrote*
Cap taint fact.
$tyk;
jbretCtnilemt*.
Sommtrfieti, '$ C#iJf*Kti*Som«rf;<M. - v1
!
Ramme-Alley.
A&us i. Scarna i. Enter Conftantiaj6/,*,w»r& <i tottr *» her band.,
Confl, I N this difguife, ere fcarce my mourning robes,
1 Could haue a geneiall note,I haue forfookc My (hat* ,my mpther,and thofe rich demcane? , Of which I am (ole heyretand now rcfoluc, In this difguife of Page to follow him, Whofc loue firft cauf 'd me to aflumc this fliap«» Lord how my feminine bloud flirs at the fight Of thefcfamc breeches.me thinkcs this cod-peecc Should betray mce : well,! will trypthc worft, Hether they (ay hce vfually doth come, Whom I fo much affe£r,what makes he hccre, Jo the slcirti ofHolbernefo neeie the field, And at a garden houlc,a has feme punke Vpon my life : no more heete he comes.
Enter Boutcher.
God fane you fir : youi- name vnlcffc I erre, Ismaifter7"^»»»<« Sotttchtr. Bttt.Tis fweet boy. Cen.delittert COB. I haue a letter for you, Bon. From whom itf, the lettt Cm. The infide fir will tell you ; 1 fliall fee tee rttds it, What loiic he be ares me now* *B»u, Th'art welcome boy« How does the fairc Conftantia Samtrfield, My noble miftrefle. Con. I left her in health* .
"Sou. Shec giues thee heere good words*,and for her fake, Thou (halt not want a maiftei,be mine for eucn
fin. Ithankeyou fir:now(hall 1 feethepunke* hek»erkf>
Inter Wtlham Small-fhanke. .
>f,5'»>.Who knocks fo faft? I thought 'twas you,what news, Bent. You know my bufineffe well.I fing one fcng, W.5»».Foot,what would you haue me do.rny fond is gon, My credit of lefTctruft then Courtiers wofds, :• Tomcnofiudgmcnt,and for my debts I might dcferae a Kn»ght-ho«d ; what's to be done ? The Knight my father wiilnot ence vouchfafc To call me fonne ; That Jade land a gaue, A 3
MEM-TRICKS:
Tarste the Lawyer fwallowed at one gob
For leflc then halfe the worthtand for the Citty
There be fo many rafcals,and tall yeomen
V Vould hang vppn me for their maintenance,
Should I but peepe or ftep within the gates,
That I am fortf onely to cafe my charge,
To liue here in the fuburbcs : or in the towne
To walkc in TenebrisA tell you fir,
Your belt retired life is an honeft Punke
In a tnatcht houfe with Gadike : tell not mee,
My Punk's my Punke,and noble Letchery
Sticks by a man, when all his friends forfake him.
BOH, The Poxe it w ill,art thou fo fencelcflc grow nc, So much indearcd to thy beftiall luff, That thy original! worth Should Ije exthvfl And buried in thy fhame .? f arrc be fuch thoughts From fpirits free and noble.- begin to liue. Know thy felfe,and whence thou art deriu'd, 1 know that competent (late thy father gaue, Cannot be yet confum'd. W.S. Tis gon by heaucn, Not a denier is left. Bett. *Tis impomble.
VV. S. Impoliible 7 art , I haue had two fuckers, Able to fpcnd the wealthy Cr*f** ftore»
'Sm. What are they? W.S.VVhy a Lawyer & a Whore, See hccre comes one,dooft thinkc this pctti-coatc, A perfu'md fmock,and twice a weekea bathe, C«n be mainta'in'd with halfe a yeares reuenews No by heauen,wec Annuallyonger brothers, Murt go to't by holc-falc.by hole- fale man Thefe creatures arc maintain'd : her very face Has co(t a hundred pound. Fr4.Sir,thankeyourfc!fe» '
C«*.Thcy keepe this whore betwixt them. Ira. You know I did inioy a quiet country life, (fir,
Spot! die and trrc,till you corrupted mee, And brought me to the Court,! neuer knew, What fleeking,glaziug,or what preffing meant, Till you preferd me to your Aunt the Lady, I knew no luorie r ce ch,no caps ef hcirc,
No
LMERT-TR/CKS.
No MereHYte watcr,/wr<«,or perfumes,
To helpe a Ladies breath.vntill your Aunt
Learnt me the common trick, Jf .S.The common trick
Say you,a poxc vpon fuch common tricks,
They will vndoe vs all. Gen And knowing this
Art thou fo wilfull blind,ftil ! to per fift
laruineand defame? ff.S.What fhould I doc ?
1'aue part my word to keepe this G en de woman,
Till 1 can place her to her owne content.
And what is a Gentleman but his word.
3?»».Why let her goc to feruice. W. S.to fcruice, Why fo fhcc does,fhc is my L anderefie, And by this light, no punie Inne a Court But keepes a/Landrefleat his command To doe him fcruice,and Hull not I, ha ! Fr*. Sir,y <au are his friend ( I loue him to)
Pfepound a courfc which may aduantage him,
And you (hall fin dc fuch reall worth in me,
That rather then He Hue his hindrance,
I will afTume the mod penurious (rate • The Citty yc elds, to giueme meanet of life.
W.S. Why iher's it.you hearc her what flie fayes,
Would not he be damnd that fhould fotfake her,
Sayes (he not well, can you propound a courfe,
To get my forfit land, from yonder roague,
Parccll Lawy cr,parccl! Deuill , all Knaue,
Throttejkrotte. Baudot 1. W.S.Why fo,I thought as much,
You arcjikc our Cittizens to men in need,
Which cry 'tis pi tty, a propper Gentleman
Should want mony,yet not an v furing flauc,
\7V\\{ lend him a denier,to helpe his wants,
Will you lend me forty (hillings' But.1 will. ff.S . Why Cod-amcrcy, there's feme goodncfTe in thee,
Youle not repent. Bt*,l will not. W.S. Wiih that money
I will rcdtemc my forfit land,and wed
My Coccat rice to a man of worfliip ,
To a mar\ of worlhip by this li»hr. Son, Em howf W. Thus: in Rarame-alley hes a fellow,by name
T»rwff;one tiatprofefleih law;but indeed V> Ha,
Hu neither law nor cpnfelcnce.a fellow That ncucr faw the barrc ,buc when his life Waicaldinqueilionfbraeoofenage, ,
The Rogue is riche.to him go you, tell, him v That rich Sir I»hn : emerfitltl. C»*»Hcvv's that .'
W. 1$ lately dead,and that my hopes ttand faire To get his ortdy daughter. If 1 fpecd, And hauc but meancs to ftealc away the wench, Tell him I reckon him my chicfcft nicnd, To entcrtaine TS till our nuptull rites May be accomphftit^nd could you but procure My elder brother mecte me pft the way* \ ^ And but aflbciaie me vnto his heuie, Tweare hitifaith,rde giuc my cunning Throte An honeft flit for all his tricju in lawe,
Bou. WhythU fliaUbcpcrform'djtake ther's my ftore, To friends all things are common. /f'.^.Then at the coupfc There arc none focs.for ail things there are common.
"Sou. I will as carefully performs thy with, Arlf my fortunes lay vpou th'attcnipt ,
W.S. When fliafl I heeie froo>yo;u 50»AVuhbthi< hourc
W 5. Let me al o ne for the reft,if I gull DOC And go beyond my open t hroted lawyer, For all his bookc «afcs <&Trtctfi»u,n9** And Quaaragcjjinia ottmtta i lecmcc
L kc wait ing Gentlewomen be cuer bound, '
T«>, fit vpoo n»y b<[eles,arvd' pick rufhe*,. Will you about this gecte. Bon, Wich my bed fpe<o'. WS.l hen fare youwcll,yok mectc me. ^^.Witbout fajle; fxtt .fluff hwd £*g t,
fT.5.Adue : now you pernicious Coccat rice, You fee how I muft skejder Tor your good, lie bring you where you (ball hauc mcancs to cheate, If you llaue grace enough to apprehend it.,
Fra. BeleeUe me loue.hovv ere fomc ft i icier wits, Condemne all women which are prone to loue, And thinke that if their fauout fall onapy, By coafequcncctheymuftbc naught with many, \ V . Andholdafalfepohtion>tb»tawoma.n ».
Falfc to her felfe,can trufly be to no man,
Yec know I fay.how ere my life hath loft
The fame which my Virginity afpyr'd, /
I will be ttue to thce,my deed (hall moouc,
To win from allmenpitty.if notloue. .
JK.5. Tut, 1 know thee a good rafcal 1,1 et s in, And on with all your neate and findt ragges. On with your cioake and fauc-gard,you arrant drab, You muft cheatc without all confcience, flitch for thee & me. Do but thou a£t what I fhall well contriue, Wcele teach my Lawyer a new way to thriue. Exeunt. Enttr Mijlrefle Tafa t a, W Adriana her maid tboitt,
T*f. Come lou'd Adrian* hecre let v« fit, And markc who pafics; now for a wager, What colourd betr'd comes uext by the window?
Adr. A black mans I thioke. T*f, 1 thinke net fo, I thinke a red de,'or that is moft in fafhion, Lot d how fcarce is the world of probper men And gallants ; furewee neuer more fhall ice A good legge worne in a long filke (locking, .With along cod-pecce,of aJl fafliioni That carried it ifaith,\\hat s he gees by ? Eater a Cittizsn.
Adr.l. A fniueling Cittizen,he is carrying ware, Exit. Vnto fome Ladies chamber : but who's this ? £»r#rT.Smal-flianke reading * letttr.
T*f. I know him not,a lookes iuft like a foole. -
*/4dr. He's very braue a may be a Courtier, Whats that a reads. T*f. Ah how light a treads For 'durting his filkeftockingSjllcttll thee whac, A witty woman may with cafe diftinguifh, All men by their nofes,as thus .• your nefe Tttjcan is l«giely,large and brawde, Much like aGooie, your valiantgenerou; nofc, A crook ed,fmocth,and a great puffing nofe, Your fchollers nofe is very frefli and raw For wantof fite in winter,and quickly fmcls, Hit chor-pes of mutton,in his difli of porragc. Your Puritan nofe is very fliarpc and long, -
B And
And much like your widdows,and with cafe can fmell, AI) edcfy ing capon fome fine ftreets off,
Enter BoHtcber and Conflantu, j1drtQ miftris a rcry proper Gentleman, T*f. And ttuft me fo it is, I ncucr faw A ir an that fooner could captiuc my thoughts ( Since I writ widdow) then this gentleman, I would a would looke vp. Aekr. lie laugh Ib lowd . That he may heere me. T^/.Thats not fo good.
BOH. And fpale you with Maifter Smtlfianke. Con. I did. Bon. Will a meetc his brother. Con, A laid a would, And I bclccucdhim,! tell you maifter I haue done that for many of theft: gallants That no man in this towne would do but I.
£».What is that boy. Cow. Why truft them on their words, But will you hcarc the newt's which now fupphcs, The citty with difcourfe. J?««. What is it wag. £o».This fir.thcy fay fome of our citty dames Were much defirous to fee the Baboones Doe their ncwcft rricks,went,fa\v them,c ame home, Went to bcd.fltpt.ncxt morning one of them, Being to fhift a lmock,fcnds downe her maidc, To warme herone,meane while flit gins to th hike On the Baboones cricks,and naked in her bed Begins to pradtife fome,ac laft (he ftrouc, To get her right leg ouer her bead ; thus t And by her a&iuity flic got ic Cro(Tc her (houlder : but not wtthall her power, Could (he reduce it.at lalt much ftrugltng _ .
' Tumbles quite frbtn the bed vpon the Bower, The maidc by this return'd with the warme fmoclr, And feeing her miftris tbrowoe on the ground, . Truft rp like a foot e-b .1 ? ! / xclaimes,calls helpe, • Runnet downe amai.d,fwearci that her miflris neck Is broke ; vp comes her husband and neighbours, And rinding her thus trus'd,fome flatly faid Sbe was bewitchyxhers (he was poficft, A third faid for her pride.thc Diuell had fet Her face wh«rc her suoipe flionld ftaad.bur at .'aft
Her
Her valiant husband ftejM me boldly to her, Hclpcs her; flic a fliamed; her hniband amazed, The neighbours laughing,as none forbcare, She tdls them of the fatall accident. To which oneanfwers.that if her husband Would Icaue his trade,and carry his wife about To doc this trickc id publike.flhe'd get more gold . Then all theBaboones,Caluc« wirh two tail«f Or motions what foeucr. Ben. You are a wag. 7*/,He will be gone ifweneglecl teftay him. Adr> Shall I cough or freeze. TV^No' Aye me my handkercher AdrumtF*lrf*Ht
Taf. Runne.r unnc,I hauelet my handkercher f'alJ, Gentleman (hall 1 intreate a curtefle?
Bon. Within my power your beauty ftiall command. ; What cur tcficift. 7>/.To floope and take rp, My handkercher, BM. Your den*re is pciformd.
TV/. Sir mod hearty thankei .- pleafe you come ia Your welcome {hall tranfcend your expeclation.
BM. I accept your curtcne, ha ! wliats this ^ Aflaild by feare and hope in 2 moment. BwwAw,thi ; womanifh paffion fits not men, Who know the worth of freedome : (hall fmilcs and eyes With their lafciuious glances conquer him ;
Hath ftill beene Lord of his affections t . Shall fimpring nifcneflc load-ftones but to foolcs, Attract a knowing fpirit ? it (hall, it dooc j, Not Phcelmi rifing from </iur»r*t lap, Spreds his bright raies .with moremaieftique grace, Then came the g'ances from her quickning eye, And what of this, Con. By my troth I know not. **: Bo«. I will nbt enter: continued flames- burnc ftrorig, I yet am frec.and reafon keepes her feate, Aboueall fond afFcclions,yet i» fhefaire.
Enter t^drtAn. . . •
Mr. S ir I bring you thankes for this great curtcfrf, And ifyou pleafe to enter I dare prefume, My miftriflc will affoord you gratious welcome, B#». How do ra«n call your n&iflm. CwJhc m«tt In Sou
"
M*tr>rKtcx&
Adr. Her nam* fit is1 M$rU Ck***t «6&,l«e wif«- To maiftcr T*f*t* Mcrterdeoeaft*
2?o*. I haue heard (he is both rich and beauttfull,
Adr. In th'eyes of fulk as lou* her,iudgc your fclfe, Pleafe you but prick forward and enter.
C«*. Now Wtt 1 ftll B boord the waiting maide,
Adr. FaH a boord oftttt dooft take me for a (hip ?
Cart, I.and vnll fhoote you betwixt wind and w atcr.
Adr, Blurt nurifter gtioftc r,your 1 inltockt too fl- -»r t.
Co». Foe»te hft w did lh« know that, doft Kere (wect !»e ir 1 3 Should not the pttgc be doingMvhh the maid, Whiifttrw rttiHtw i» bufre withthr miftrii, Pleafe ycruprick forwar4«,th«H a« a vcejich Likely to goc the way of»ll fltfli (Kortly.
Aar, Wh^fe w«ty kfime an thoa, ^V*. At your iemke.
Adr, At mine Tmnt,* fnowd cMcMn wire. CMK.ROVV bicctch
^Wr. I breech thec,l hwe fcreech'd atalcTtnan, (we. Then you inwy ttihe.come hi and welcome.
Cut. WcH I fee now 4 rkeh well-pra&ifd bau d, May purfle mote fees in ft fummers progwtlc, Then a well traded lawyttin aYrhorctermc, Pandarifmt ! why,*t is >gtbw*c i JJbetallfcieoce Or a new fed, and the ^ood profoflfors Will like rhe Brownift fre^uertt gr»ucllptts fa For they rfe woods andobkure holes already.
~ErtttrTitf*t*'»KJ Boucher. Not marry a widdow. 9«*<Ko. faf, Aud^vhy ? Belike you thtnke it bafe and fcruanr-Hkt:, To feed rpon reuetfiottjSyoa hold vs-widdowes, But as a pie thruR w> the lower end That hath had manv fingers int before, And ii i cfeTo'd for grofe atid hwjgryftomack*.
'Bon. You much raiftakt me. 7*/3Gomein faith you do .-. And let me tell you tharsTwi ceremony, For though the Pye bee broken »p before, Yet %c^n^-p1^ta«rt»e)thfrdwpBrii ehe-tweofcr. And though a caporWWing«wd 'kigg« bec««i'd, The ficfh Icft^tvH Allht rampe I hope is f*vcct.
By
OM£ RT-TR />CKS,,
By worthy Knights of fairc aenicanc* f pay mere,
They hauc bin out of dcbt,y« till this houre,
I neither could endure,u> be in lone '
Or be bcloued,but proferd ware is cheapc.
Whats lawful! thats loathd,and things denied,
Arewith more ftronger appetite perfude j
1 am too y cclding. Bon. You miftakc my thoughts :
But know thou wonder of this continent, •
By one morc^kild in vnknowne fare, then was,
The blind exifr/MMff Prophet, It was foreiotd,
A widdowftouM4nd*Rger both my life,
My foule,my lands.aadr eputation,
This checks ray though ts,andcoolesth'flentiall fire,
Of facred loue; moreardcw in my breft
Then fpecch can Ytter, Ttf. A triuiall Idle Lc»ft>
Tis for a man,of y our repute«nd note,
To credit fenuoe-tclkrs^ petty tog ue,
That neuer £mr fine fhillings in a facapc,
Will take vpon him to dhnoe mens face.
Yet neuer kn owes hirnfclfc flbaJl dye a begger,
Or be hanged VD {erfuUcring Ubic^L»«h$,
Shins and frnodoij^MBged out to dry on hedges,
Tismeerely bafc,tomift them.otif there be,
A man in whom the 2>«friicr^Go<i hath brcaih'-d
His true diuining fire ; OMtcanfarcMU,
The fi« decree of fme^teiikeoafc koowe*,
What it within thr cuerlrf}rng.bookc
Of Defleny decreed, ««nnot by wit,
Or mans Inurntiaci be ditobc d.or (bund,
Then giucthy lone free fcopc,tmbracc and kifle»
r >powcr&iU ace their »ords whom we atfccl1,. Small force fhall nced,to win tbc firoogeft fcrt, If to his fiate the,Capcaine be perfidious, 1 maftirrtrrareyculiocncrany^icpMt For iome fcwiwaies. i7>f.Gho«fe-wt«tyf>u wUI oftime, Jhere lyes your
Trf/.Did you call fir. J8a».No. T^Tlien f»r [ '
fcft the hou&,
^pe ciofc Jce.but be not (Vcne t i» a gon.
}ldr, No,has m«de a ftand. T>/. 1 pretheelcetpeclofe.
Ad,, Nay.kcepiyou slote.y'aii bcrt T^/Whatdoeshenow
*Adr. Now a retire*/ #<**,<> you inich partial! gods . Why ga»<j you mcn^tfff^iolnyiatui 'not a powet • •'• To goucrne cheoi ? what I by face (hould four, . ul
Yo'auc drawnc him'«dvfwrit
B ott. Tot I will not Jou^m)ri*tion»U • •• . -(: ':)•••": \-M And betrer parts (hallc4onquc-r biiad afff<ftion$, Lee pallior. chi!drcp,or- weake women fvwiy, My loue (hal^bow^iu^giaencflW »b*y, - • • .. > il T*f. Whatd«ei hcoow.* A^-H^f go^
r. A went his w<ryjjB>d neu vio«(£i>«hioid4Mn». .- 1 j T Taf. Sure he's takefl^'AWr. A little fing^d or fo, - I Each thing muft haut beginning,men muft prepare Before they fin conKKM^andihow their low* nsY
In pleafing fort >fHe<WilKwi»iIhdpein timoj ov t>:)^rf.fi 5o O For iouegoatfMiftfefleii much like to waxe, >
The more 'tis rub'd/ft (ticks the fafter too, Or like a bird in blrd-limc,or a pit-fall, The moore a labour^RUl tbe deeper in. ••.'...
Taf. Come.thOBvmuflhelpeinenow,! hauca tiick To fecond this bcgi»nta^«nd'lntiicniokv ^ n^- «v *i r> To Rrike it dead ifaith, women muft woe, When men forget what Nature leads the™ too.
Enter Th?titihe-L4»yerfr«mihitft*JkfJ"ksi
Next to my booke, C/<*r* muatttt twra, Ithat'sthefouleoflawe!:tb«Vit,diaeVi8^ •- s» r». For which the Buckrome bag rnuft tnedge all weather* I Th'esgh icafrtlf^J^ith onepoorereplktfioOy t smoi I.-M Howhap|>y arewf tfest wrrcy thclaw, TOO\| So freely as we doe ; not bought and fold. But dearly gtutn. without all bale «iortfi\g,
,_, . — 9* -
UMEKT-T 'RJCKS.
Taking but bare ten Angels for a fee,
Or vp ward : to this renown'd eftate,
Haue 1 by indirect and cunning mcancs,
In-wouen my felfe.and now can fcratch it out,
Thruft at a barre,and cry my Lore} as lowd*
As ere a lifted gowne man of them all.
I neuer plead before the honor 'd bench,
But bench right- worfhipfuli of peaceful! luflices
And Country-Gentlemen.and yetTaue found
Good gcttings by the Mailc}bdides od cheates,
Will S mai!-(h<tnkes land«,and many garboyles more,
Dam. 2>i«/Z>.Sir. Tbr.1t that reioynder done. Dd.Donefir,
Tkr. Hauc you drawn't at length,haue you daflu it out, According to your name. 2></ISome feauen-fcow meetes.
Thr. Is the demurrer drawne t wixt Snip and Wo^cock± >
And what do you fay to Peacocks pi ttifull bill, Daf.I haue drawne his anfwer negatiue to all. T&r.Negatiuc to all. The plaintiuc fayes, That Willunt gaejetviat fonnc to Thomas Gotfe,
And will a fweaie the generall bill is falfe.
2)4/. A will. Tbr. Then he forfweares his father,,ti$ well,
Some of our clients will go prig to hell
Before pur felues ; has a paide all his fees.
£><*/.A left them all with me. 7%r.T hen trofle my point*)
And how thinkl^ thou of law.7 f.D*j. Moft reuctendy,
Law is the worlds great light,* fecondfunne,
To this terreftriail Globc.by which all things
Haue life and being,and without which
Confuiion and diforder foonc would feaze
The generall ftate of men, warrcs ,ou tragcs,
The Ylcerous deeds of peace,it curbes and cures,
It is the kingdpoies cye,by which flice fee*
The afts and thoughts of men. TVtaThe kingdomes eye,
I reU thec rbole,i"t is the kingdomes nofe,
By which flic fmelsout all thcfe rich tianfgrelTors,
Nor ift of fl«ljh, but mccrely made of wax,
And'tij.within the power of vs Lawyers,
TowreftrJwnofcofwaxa which way wcpleafc: '
Or k may be as thcu faift an eye indeed.
** W
Burlficbe,tiifureawanunjcyc
Thats cuer Fowling. Dsf. one knocks. Thr. G* fee who til,
Stay,rny chairr.and gowne,and then go fee who knocks,
Thus muft I fecniea Lawyer which am indeed,
But meetly dreg« and oftfcuAi of the Law
Tis very clctre. £««.Godfaueyoufir.
Thr. The place it very pregn ant,Malfier Timelier ; Moft harty welcome fir, £»*. You ply this geere, You are no trewMt in the I»w,I fee. ' * Thr. Faith Tome hundred bookes in folio I haut T umd outr to better my owne knowledge, But that is nothing for a ftudtent,
Bin. Or t Stationer ihey tume them ouer too. Rut dot »»you doe gentill Maiftcr Throte, *
And what r the Law fpeakes profit doei it not ?
Thr. t-aith foine bed angels haunt TS now and then, But what brought you nether. •£>*. Why theft fmall legs,
Tbr. You art cot>cei ted fir, J?*».I am in L i w, But let that goe.and tell me how you doe, How dots HrM$m*Ujl'*»ktt »nd his louc'.y bride.
lh. Introth you make me blufli,! {houldhttie aikt, His health ofyou.buctis not yet too late, r • 2»*,Nay good fir Throat forbeare your quillets now.
Thr. By Hf wien I dcaic moH plaine.I f«w him nor, Since laft I tooke Ms Morgage, 15«rA\t be not nice, (Yet I mult needs: herein commend your loue) To let me fee-him; for know I know him wed, And ihat a dole away Stmmirfitldt heire, Therefore fufpt«5t i«e not I »m his friend.
Tbr, HowiWtd to rtteh S*mmtrftldt on«ly hefffi Is old So»merjield&&A t BMW .Do you make it Arange f
7*r. By heauen 1 know it not. B»*.Then am I greetied I jpikefo much ('but that I know you loue him,) I (ho ul d intreat your fecreGe fir.farc you Welt.
7*r.Nay good fif Hay , if ought you can difclofe , O f Maiflcr Smalc-fra*kfs good.le t me partake, And make me glad in knowing his good hap.
B«». You much indccre him fir,aud ftom your loue,
I dare
ME &r-r RICKS.
I dare prefume you make your fdfc a fortune
Ifhisfaire hopes proceed. Tbr. Say on good fir,
"Bo*. You will be fccrer. Tbr. Or be my tongue rome out « Bo*. Mcafurc for a Lawyer,but to the point,
Has ftolc Somcrjltlds hey re nether a brings her
As to a man on whom a may relye
His life and fortunes : you hath a named
Already for the Steward of his lands,"
To keepe his Courts,and to colled bur rent,
To let out Leafcs and to raife his fines,
Nothing that may5or Ioue,of profit bring,
But you are named the man* Tir.Iamhisflaufj
And bound rnto his noble curtefic,
Eucn \\ith my lifc,Ieucrfaid a would tbriue,
And I protefl I kept his forfeit morgage,
To let him know what tis to Hue m want. 'Sour, I thinke no leflc,one word more in priuatc Coa.Good Maifter Da/hfliall I put you now a cafe* tDafl>. Speake on good Maittcr *P*ge . Con, Then thus it is,
Suppofe I am a Page,hc is my Maiflet,
My Maifter'gocs to bed and canoot tell
What money s in his hofe, I ere next day
Haue filcht out fome,what action lyes for this. D*fh. An action boy,cald firking the PofteriorJ,
With vs your aftion fildome comes in qucftion :
For that tis knowne that moft of yourCallancs
Arc fijdome fo wellftor*d,that they forget
What money's in' their hofe.but if they haue,
There is no other kelpe then fwcarethe page
And put him to his oath. ^aw.Then fecks-law.
Dolt thinke that he has confcicnce to fteale,
Haj net a confciencc likewife to deny.
Then hang him vp ifaith. Ton. I muft meet him, Tkr. Commend me to thcm,come when they will,
My doores ftand open and all within is theirs,
And though Ramme-allcy fttnks with Cookes and Ale,
Yet fay thcr's many a worthy lawyer* chamber,
Buts vpon Ram-alley, I haue ftill an open throte,
If ought 1 haue which may procure his good,
C . Bid
Bid him comnand,!, thowgh it be my blood. Ex*
Ac"hit Secumii. Scena Prima. Enter Oltuer Smalejbanket Tkn S m*ltfl)an]<t.
S.O//. Is this the place you wcic appointed tomeetehinv
7V&.S. So Boucher lent me word, S. 0. 1 find it true, That wine,good newej.and a yong hoUbme wench Cheere vp an old mans blood ,1 tell thee boy , I am right harty glad, to heare thy brother Huh got fo great an heite ; now were my fclfc, So well bellowed I fhould reioyce ifaith.
T.S. I hope you (hall da well. S.O.No doubt.no doubt, A firra has a borne the wench away. My fonnc ifaith,my very fonne ifaith, When I was yong and had an able back, And wore the brifTell o'n my vpper lippe, In good Decorum I had as good conuay ance, And could hauc ferd,and terkt y'away a wench, As foonc at care * man aliue; tut boy, I had my winks,my bccksj treads on the to?, Wrings by the fingers/myles tnd other quirkes, . Noe Courtier like me, your Couukrs all arc fool c s, To that which I could doe, I couflji haue done it boy. • Eucntoah«re,andthat fomc Ladiesknow,
7T&.S. Sir! am glad this match may reconcile. Your loucvnto my brother. Si.O. Tis more then fb. lie feeme offended Hill though I am glad.
Enter ffr.Sl»4/ftM>kf,Fr4acii)'Bt4rdtootttl. Has got rich Summer-fields hcyre. W.S.Come wench of gold, For thou (halt get'mc gold,bcfidcs odde ends Ofli'.uer : weele purchafo houfcand land, By thy bare*gcrtings,wcntch,by thy bare Bettings, How faieft Licftenan t BV^r^.does (he not lookc Like a wench newly dole from a window?
"Bctrd Exceeding wellfhe carries it by lent, And if fhc can forbeaie her Rampant trick, And but hold clofe a while twill take by MATS.
Fr<«.How now you flaue f my rampant trkks you rogue, Nay feat c not me my oncly fcarc is 1UI1,
Tby
ME &r-T RICKS. Thy filthy face bctrayes vs,for all men know» Thy nofe ftands compaflc like a bow, VVhich is three quarters drawnc,thy head Which is with gtca/y hairc orc-lpred, And being vncurlti and black as cole, Doth fbcvv fomc fcullton in a hole Begot thce on a Gipfic, or Thy mother was fome Colliers whore t My rampant tricks you roguc,t hou'c be defciidc Before our plot be ended. W.S. What fliould defcry him, Vnfeflc it be his irofe ? and as for that ; Thou maiftproteft a was thy fathers butler, And for thy lone is likewife runne away, * Nay fweet Lieftcnant now fotbeare to puffe, Arid let the briflcli of thy beard grow down-ward, Rruerenccmy Punke and Pandarizc a little, Ther'smaay ofthy rankc that docpro'cfleit, Yet hold it no difparagment. BM. I fhail doe, What fits an houeftman.W/.S.Why thats enough, Fopte my Father,and the goofe my brother. Back you two.' EM .Back. W. S. Rerit* fwctt Leiutenant, And come not on,till I fliall waue you on. S.O.Ij not that he. T.S,Tu he. S.O.But wheres the wench, ._{f _|KS,Itflialbe io, lie cheate him thaw flat.
, S.Ot.You are well met,know yee me good fir, Belike you thinkc I haue no eyes ,no cares, No -nofe to fmell,and windc out all your tricks, V'hauc ftole fir Somerfields heirc.nay we can finde, Your wildcftpaths.your turnings and retumes, Your traccs/qHats.the muffcrs.formcs and holei. You yongmen vfe, ifonce our iagcfl wits Be fet a huntiqg.are you now crept forth, Haueyou hid your head wiihin afuburbchole AJl'this while^and are you now crept forth ?
Wjf. 'Tisaflarkclye. 5.O/.How? W.S. who told you fo Foote.a Gentleman cannot leauetheCitty (did lye,
And keepe thefuburbi to take a little Phifick, But ftraitc feme flaue will fay he hides his head ; I hide ray head within a fuburbe hole,
C> I
- • . ^
r
MERRT-TRrCKS. I could hauc hefes at Court to hide my head, Were I buc fo difpofd. Sir Ol, Thou farlet knaue, T'haft ftjine away Sir lohn Semerfceldt heire, But neuerlooke foi countenance from me, . Carry her whether thou wilt. fV.S, Father, father* Z.at twill you vndoey our poftcrky. . Will you fir rndoc your poftciity i I can but kill my brother,then hang my felfe, And where is then your houfe,make me not difpare, Foote novvl haue get a wench,worch by the yearc Two thouland pound and vpwards.to croflc my hopes: Would ere a clownein Chriftendom doo't butyou. Tk.S. Good Father,let hirnleaue this thundring, And giue him grace. tr,S. Why law,m </ brother knowes Reafon.and what an honed man fhould doe. (behind,
S. OL WeH,whcre's your wife. f'.S. Shees cbmming here S.Ol. He giue her fome-what}though I loue not thce. W.S. My father right,! knew you could not hold j Out long with a vvoman,but giuefome-thiog Worthy your gift and her acceptance father, This chaine were excellent by this good light, Shce (hall giuo you 'as good, if once her lands
Enter frMCisfBeard.
Come to ray fingring.S.O.Peacr khaue,what$ (lie your wife? fF.^.ThMfhallbefir. S.O/.And what* he. W. ,9. My man. S.Ol. A Ruffian Knauc »is. W.S. /f Ruffian fir, By h caucn.as tall a man as ere drew fvvord, Not being counted of the damned crew, A was her fathers Butler,his name is Heard, Of with your Ma»ke,now fliall you finde me true. And that I am* fonne vnto a Knight, This is my father. S.Oi.l am indeed faire maide, My ftile is Knights come let me kifle your lips.
W.S. That kifle fhall coftyour chaine. S.O.It fmacks ifaith, J rriuftcomracndyourchoiw'/"r<.1irl hauegiuen A larger venture then true modefty Will well allow,or your more graue'r wit Commend. W.S.ldarebefwornefhchas. S. O/.No«fb. The foolifh Jyiauc has bccne accounted wildc,
And
And fo hauc I.but I am now come home, And fo will he. Fr*. I rauft beleeue it now. ty.S. Beg his chainc wench. Be.Wil you cheat your father? W.S I by this light will I. S.O/. Nay figh not, ' Per you (hall fade him loirng and me thankfull : And were it not a fcandall to my honour, To be confcnting to my Tonnes attempt, You Should vnto my houfc,mcane while take this, As pledge and token of my after loue t How long fince dyed your father. W.S. Some fix weeks fince. We cannot ftay to talke,for flaues purfue, I haueahoufe {hall lodge vs till the Prieft ' May make vs fure. S.OL W ell fir ra,loue this woman, And when you are man and wife,bring her to me, Shee (hall be welcome. W.S: I humbly thanke you fir, S.O!, I muft be gone, 1 rnnft a wooing too. W.S. lone and T?riapw fpeed you,y oule returne.
Exit Sir Oliutr and T\!om: Smatt-foaMlg* Th,S. Inftantly W. S. Why this came cleanly off, Giue me the chaine,you little Cockatrice, Why this wasluck.footc foure hundred crownes", Got at aclap.hold ftillyouf owne you whore, And we fliall tbriue, Ben. Twas brauely feccht about* W. S. I, when will your note and beard performe as much* Fra. I am glad he is gon,aputmetotheblu(h, ' When a did askeme of ritch Somerfielclj death. W.S. And tooke not I my q: waft hot good, Did I not bring you oft, you arrant drab, Without a ccnmterbuftc ? looke who comes heere, And three merry men, and three merry men, And three merry men Jbee wee a.
Enter Boucher and Confta*tia. Bon. Still in this vaine,! haae done you feruicc , The Lawyers houfe will giue you entertainment, Bounufull and free. W.S.Omyfecondfeirc, Come let me buflc thy bcard.wc are all made,! Why att fo melancholly,dooft want money ?• Looke hccr's gold,and<as we palTe along, lie tell thce how I got itpiot a word
C 3 But
• _^t
Bur that (lice's SoiKerfieMs heyre>my brother '">
Swallowes ic with more cafc,then a Dutchman Docs flap-Dragons : scomcs,now to my Lawyers:
Enter T- S md/htffke .
Kiffe my wife,good brother ; fhcc is a wench Was borne to make vi all. Tfc.S, I hope no Jcfle, Yo'arc welcome fitter into thcfc our parts, As I niay fay4 £rt*.Thankes gentle brother. - W,S. Come now to Ram-alley .There {halt thou lye, TttllprouidcaPricft, Btn.O villany ! 1 thinkc a will gull his whole generation, I muff make onc.fince 'tis fo well begun, lie-not f&rfakehim,ti.'l his hopes be woone. Exeunt.
Enter Throte^watvf Citti^ens, Tbr.Thcn y'arc friends. Both.Vlk afc/opleafe your worfliip,1
Thr. 'Tis wcll.I -am gUd,keepe your mcny,for law , Islike a Butlers box: while you two ftriue, \
Tfhat pkks vp all yoifr mony.you are friends,
Both. We arc (o pleafe you,both pcrfit friend*. TT&.Why fd, Now to the next Tap-houfe, there drinkc dovvne this, - And by the opperation of che third pot, <Qiiarrell ?gaine,and come to me for law: Fare you well. Btth. The Gods confcruc your wifdom.f.C^. '
T^r.Why fo.thefc are tricks of the long fiftcenes, To giue couufeJi ,and to take feet on both fides, To make 'em friehds,and then to laugh at them, Why this thriu« weil,thi» if a coir.mon trick r When men haue fpcnt a dealeof mony in law, Then Lawyers make them friends : I haue a trick - To go beyond all thcfe,if Sm*U-fbank« come And bring rich *>omerfi:lds hcyre,! fay nq more, But 'tis wichin this skonfe to goe beyond them.
2)/»/. Here arc Gentlemen in haft would Iptake wkh you.
Tkr. What are they ? D*f.\ cannot know them fir, "They arc fo wrapt In Cloakes. Ti&r.Haue they a woman f
2>«/IYes fir,Dut dice's Mask^and in her riding fute.
7*r.Goe,makc haft,bring them vp with reference, Oh are they ifaith,has brought the yveajiby hcirc ;
Thefc
tJRERr-TRJCKS,
Thefe flooles and cufhiom fl-auH not handfomly.
.Ettter Wtiltam StnaHkv, ke,E(.Htd;er,ThomAt Sm4$**kfjFl A '• cis and Heard
ff.^.Blcfle thce Thrott, Tkr.MtiAcrSma/fankf welcome. ".S. Welcome louc.kiflethisGcndcwoman.T^o'tf, r worfhip fliall command me. W3, Art not weary »
'Bon.Czn you blame her fincc (he has rid To hard ?
Tfcr.Youare welcome Gentlemen, — Dafh. 2></ISir#
Thr. A fire in the great chambcr,quickly. . VV«S. I that's well faid,wc are almofl weary, •
But Maiftcr Thr«tt$ any come to inquire For ine,my brother.or this Gentlewoman, We ate not here,nor haue you heard of vs.
7%r.Notawordnr,hecreyouareasfafe . As in y .>ur fathers houfe. T.S. And he fliall tfianke jroTfc
W.5. Th'art not merry loue.good maifter7Ar#f» Bid this Gentlewoman welcome : fhe is one Ofwhomyou'may receiuc fome court efic In time. Thr. She is moft harty welcome, V Vilt plcafc you walke into another rooine. VVhere is both bed and fire, VV.Sm. 1,1, that that Goodbrotherlcadher'm,Maifter7'/f>r0r*and I .Will follow inftantly.no w Maiftcr Thrott £xit^
Jtrefts within your power to pleafurc me, Know that this fame is fir Tohn Somerfieldt Hcire, Now if (he chance to queftion what I am, Say fbnnc vnto a" Lord ^ I pray the.c tell her 1 haue a world of land,and Rand in hope To bee ctcated^Barron/or J pro t eft I was cdnftrajn'd to fweare it forty times, And yet fliee'le fcarce belceue me. Thrt Pauc*fapicHti> Let me alone to fct you out in length And breadtb t W.S. I prethec doo't crTeJlually : •Shat haue a quartet fhare by this good Ligbc, ^ In all (lie has,! prethee forget not To tell her \heSmal-(hank£s haue becne dfticcrs, Tilters.and very antient Courtiers, And in requcft at Gout fincc fiv lohtt Shrt-kofc.. With his long filke ftocking.s was beheaded,
Wilt
ME Rr-T 'RICKS. Wilt thou do thi J ^ Tbr. Referrc it to my cue.
W.Sw. Exccllent,Ile but drift my bootes>and theri Goc fcekc aPricft,this night I will be fure. If we be fure,it cannot be vndone, Can it Maifter Throte f Thr. O fir not peflible : Yon haue many Prefidcnts and booke Cafes for'c, Bee you but fure and then let me alone. "Vittdt Rexfitrrat t,ex,and He defend you.
W.S. Nay thai hang carc.come lets in. Tbr. A ha, tiouc you ftole hn,fitt/tref*/teHtem MO» cftfrMt . £** W.S» It (hall goe hard but I will drip you boy. . You ftole the wcnch,but I mutt her i nsoy.
Eater Miftris TA^Attit^driAntiJkelawt Come s/fJrianajcll me what thou think' ti, 1 am tickled with conceit of marriage, . And whonuhinkft thou (for mejthefitteft husband, VVhat faift thou to yong Boucher. Adri. A pretty fellow. But that his back u weake. T*f. What dooff thou fay To Tbrate the Lawyer? Adri. 1 like that well, Were the Rogue a Lawyer.but he is none, Hcc neuer was of any Inne-of-court ; But Innc of Chanccry,whcre a was knowne, But onely for a fwaggcring whyfler, To keope out rogues, and prentifcs,! faw him, When a was flockt for flealing the cookcs fcei» A T. a wyet I could like^or us a thing, t .
Vfcd by you Cittizcni wiuci ,your husbands dead; . To get french hoods you ftraight muft Lawyers wed.
T*f. What faift thou thcnlo Nimble Sir OR*.S*k&fiMk* *x^ir. Faith he mult hit the haire.- a fellow n\ To make a pritty Cuckold, take an old man, Tis now the new eft faftiioii,bettei b« An old mans darling then a young mans wailing, Take me the old brifke knight, the foole is ritch, And will be drone enough to rather children, Though not to get them. T*jf."Tis true he is the man, Yet will I beare fome dozen more in hand, And make them all my gulls, Adr. Miftrisftand a/ide.
Enter Botttebtr^utd £onft*nti*, Young
Young 'EnttAer comes,letme alone to touch himi Bo*. This is the houfc. Con. And thats the chambcr-maidc. ton. Whew the widdow gentle AAruw*. Adr.1\\c Widdow fir is not to be fpokcn to, 'Ban. Not fpokc to, I muft fpcik e with her, Adr. muft you? Come you with authority, or do you come To fuc her with a warrant-that you muft fp cake with her. *2?«*. Iwould intrcat it. t/4dr. O you would intreat it, May not I feme your tune, may not I vnfbld, Your fecrets to my Miftri s,loue is your fate,
2J«*. It is f lire creature. Air, And why did you fall oft When you perceiued my rniftris was fo cunning, D^you thinke (he is fttll the fame, Bt**I doe. Jtir, Why fo» I tooke yon for a nouice: and I muft thinke, You know not yet the in ward cs of a woman, jDotfyou not know t h x wo wen are like fifh, Which muft be ftrooke when they are prone to bite, Or all your labours loft,but fir walke here. And lie informernyMiftris your defires, (bey
Can. Maifter B««. boy. Can. come not you for loue, Bo#. I do Co. And you would haue the widdow .B*.I would O.by I«Wj I neuerfaw one goe about his bufines More vntowardry: why fir, do not yon know, That he which would be inward with the Miftris Muft make a way firft through the waiting may dc.? If youle know the wjddowes afredtions Fecle firft the waiting Gentle-w oman,do it Maifter, Some halfe a doz.cn kifles were not loft, Vppch this Gentle-woman, for you muft know, Thefe waiting maldesUre to their miOrefles Like Porches Tnto doores, you paflc the one Before you can haue entrance at the other. Or like your mufterd to your pecce of brawns, Ifyoulc haue one taft weir you muft not fkorne To be dipping in the otherjtell ybu Maifter Tis not a few mcns tales which they preferre, Vnto their Miftreflcsin compafle of a yeare, Be ruld by me, v ntruffe your felfe to her, Out with all your Icue-fickc thoughtes to her,
D Kific
^
,.
-r ->nd giuc her an angell to boy pinnej, is fl',..'! !e> jicrwinne her Mifltis loue, Thea ally out protdt-iticns,fighci and tcares,
Enter Tajfata, Adrian*. Here thry come: to her bouldly Maifter, 39oe, but dally nor, elms the widdowes phrafe,
Ban. Moft worthy fairc fuch it the power of lour, That now I come t 'accept your profered grace: An-1 with fubmifliaethou'htest'cntreat a pardon, For my fo grofle neglect. T*jf. Thers no offence, My mind i> changed, Adr. I told you at much before, Co». With a hey paflc with arcpafle. Bw.Dccreft of women," The confiant venue of your nobler mind, SpcaUes in your lookes: Nor can you entcrtaine Both lotie and hate at once. Ta.f. Tis all in yaine, (Maifter jjJr.You flriue againlt the ftrcame.O. Fee the waiting maid V>tu, Stjnd thoupropicious, indeercmeto my loue
^outekcrg \ues Adrian* his purfejec rttly. Adr, Deere Miflreflc tu rnc to t his Gentleman. I protc (I, I haue Tome feeling ofhisconftantloue, Caft him not away; try his louc,7<*/. Why fir, With what audacious front can you intreac To inioy my loue.which yet not two howerj fince, You fcorncfuHy rcfuf 'd.Co». Wei fate the waiting maide. Bo«. My fate compeld me but now farewell fond feare, My foule, my life, my lands, and reputation, He hazard all and prize them all beneath thee.
T*jf. which I flial! put to triall, lend me thy etre, Adr.dn you loucJjoy.Co Yes.t^.what or whom.^V My Adt. A pretty knaue, ifaith come home to night, (victuals Shalt hmc a poflct and Icandi'd Eringoes, A bed if need be to, I loue alife, Tophy with fuch Babouncs a; thou- C*n' indeed? But dooft thou thinlce the wiii Jo w will hauc my maifter. Ai. He teltbce then ,wo'c corns, O».I wil.^.-Rememb«r T.if. Wil yo-j performe fo much B an. O loofe my bloud. Taf. Mak: him fubfcnbeirand then I vow, By facrcd feflaes euer hallowed fire, To take thcc tp my bed , B0«.Til then farewell. (Ex:.
MERRT-TRICKES.
Taff. Hees worthy louc whofc venues moft excell.
AAr. Remember, what ift a match betwixt you MiftteiTe?
laff. I haue fet the foole in hope, h'as vndcrcookc To rid me of t h at fleflily Captaine Face, Which i wearcs jn tauern es and all ordinaries, I am his lawfuJl wife: hefhall allay, The fury of the Captaine, and I fecure, Will laugh at the difgrace they both injure, (E*
Enter Tkroate andFrancit.
Thr. Open your cafe and 1 {hall foone refolue you.
Fra. But will you dock truely,7%. As I am honeft*
Fra This Gentleman whom I fo much affcdt, I fcarfty yet doc know, fo blind is louc In thingcs which mofi concernes it. As y'are honefli Tell me his birth, his ftate, and farthcft hopes
Thr He is my frit nd and I will fpeakc him truelr. He is by birth, fonnc to a foolifli Knight, His prefcnt flate \ thinkc wll betheprifon. And fartheft hope to be baild outagaine, By fale of al your land, Fra. O me accurft, Has a no credit Lands and Manners.
A T*c' Tliat lands he has lie$ in a faire Charchy"*** And for his manners they are fo rude and vile, That fcarfean honcftman wil kecpe him company, Fra. I am abufed coofncd and decetucd.
Thr Why thats his occupation :hec will chejite, In a cloakc Jin'd with Vcluct, a wil prate Fafter then fiuc Barbers,and a Taylor. Ly faftcr then ten Citty occupiers, Or cunning tradfmen: goes a truft In euery Tauerne.w/here has Ipenta fagot, Sweares loue to euery wboore, fquires baudes, And takes vp houfcs for them as their hufband A is a man I louc and hauc done mu ch To bring him to preferment. Fra. Is there no trufl^ No Iionncfty in men Thr. Faith fomc there is, And tis all in the hands of vs Lawyers And women ; and thofc women which haue it. Keepe their honcfty fo clofe, that not one,
A mongft a hundred is perceiued to haue it.
Fra. Goodfir.rniylnotby law forfakehim And wed anothcr,though my word be part To be his wife. Ttr.O queltionlcilc you may, YON haue many Prc/idents and booke-cafe* f'or'r, Nay t h oupji you were married by a bockc-c jfc,
You may forfake your hu&band,and wed another, Prouided that fomc fault be in the husband.- Asnoneofthemarecleare. Fm. I am refolu'd, I will not wed him,though 1 beg my bread.
T^r.All that I haue is yours.and were I worthy To be your husband. Fr*. I thanke you fir, I will rather wed a moft perfidious Red fbanke, A noted Ie we,or fome Mechanick flaue, Then let him ioy my flieets. Thr, A comes.a come*. EnttrW.Smal, 'Boucher, T.Sm^t.TJettrJ.
W&. Now my Virago, 'tis donc,*l 1's cock- furc, I haue a Pried will mumble vp a marriage, Without bcll,bo«ke,or candle,a nimble flaue, An honed VVelfh-man that was a Taylor, . Bat now is made a Curate. Be*. Nay y'are fitted.
flwf.Now maffter Tbrote. T.S. VVherc's your fpirit fifter?
W.S. What all tmortt whats the matter t do you heere ?
!2?o«. VV^hat's the reafon of this melancholly ?
7"/&r.B.y hcaucnlknownot. W.S. Has the gudgin bit.
Fr4, He has beenc nibling. V V.S. Hold him to it wench, And it 'twill hit by heauen : why art fo fad ? Foote wench we will be married to night, Wecle fup at th'Myter,and from thence My brother and we three will to the Sauoy, ']
Which done,I tell thee girle, weele hand ore head, Goe to't pell mcll for a Maiden-head, Come yo are lufty, you wenches are like bells, You gtue no mufick.tiU you feel e the clapper, Come7Vrf*atorch,wcmu(tbegon. Fr/«.Seruant. Exit.
JM.Mt(lris. Fr4.VYe are vndone. ^M.Novv /one (orl'cndt
Wr*. This fellow has no land ; and which is worfe, Hee has no credit, 'B**r, H>vf arc we ont.fttipc, ~* ' '
Blowne vp by wit of man : Let vs be gone
Home againc,home againe, our market now is done.
Fra. That were too great a fcandall. Tkr. Moft true, Better to wed another then to returne With fcandall and defame : wed me a man Whofe wealth may reconcile your mothers loue, And make the action lawful!. Be*. But wherc's the man ? I like your councell.could you fliow the man. ThrMy fclfe am he,rnignt I but dare afpire Vn to fo high a Fortune. Ttea. Miff ri{Tc,takc the man, Shall we be baffled with faireprowifcs, Or fnall we trudge ,tike bcggers back againe, _
No,take this wife and vertuous man, Who fhoul d aJofe his leggcs,hts armc«,his cares , His nofc.and ail his other members, Yet if his tongue be left 'twill get his lining, Take rne this jnan. Tfcr.Thanjcts gentle mauler BttrJ. Fr*. ' lis impofll t>le,this night he meanes to wed mee. Thr. If not by laW.we will with power preuent it, So you but erne confent. Fru. Lets heere the meanes.
Tbr. lit mufter vp my friends, and thus I call it, Whilft they arc bufie.y ou and I will hence Directly to a Chappell,whcre aPrieft Shall knit the nuptiall knot ere they pcrfue vs.
Ben, O rare i nu cnt ion,l le a£t my part, A owet me thirtecne pound,! fay no more, But there be catch-poles : fpeake ift a match. Fr4.I giue my hking.7*r.Dafh.J?<«/;Sit.7"ir.Getyour fword And rne my buckler,nay you ihall know We are T*m *Mrti quam t*crcirriot Bring my.clotke,ypu ftial! t hether.Ilc for friends, Worfhip and'wealththc La-vyers ftate attends. D*fh,vie muft btfare fornc brain c,to $«mt lohnsfireete^ Goe runnc.flye : and a farre ofFenquire, If that the Lady Stmrrfittd be there, If ihcrc,know what newes,and ineete me ftraitc At the My ter doore in Hcet-(rreete,away, • »>To get rich wiucs,mcn muft not vfe delay»
MERTR-TRICKES Actus j.Scjena i.
Enttr Sir Olitter Smtlfiankt, itt/t.et T*tcki*, In Tu. A hunting Sir Oliver and drye-foote to., SO/. vVeeld men hauc our crotcheu,our conundrums, Our 'cgarcs, quirks and quibibie?, A» wcl as youch. fnfltce Ttttchin \ goe, To hunt no Buck, but prick a lulty Doe, 3 goe i j truth a wooing. AT. Then ride withmc, lie bring you tomyCittcrSamfrfittj.
S.Ol. lurticcnot fo by her there hangs a Tale. /. 7», Tha'ts triic indeed. S.<X. She has a daughter.' "/. r*. And what of that S.Ol. I Jikcwifc baueafonne,' A yillanous Boy, his father vp and downe, What Hiouid I fay, thefe Veluet bearded boyet will Hill be doing, fay what we old men can. /. TM. \nd what of this JSir Obiter, be plaine, S. Ol. A nimble spirited knaue, the villaine boy, Has one trieke of his fier, has got the wench. Stolne your rich lifter* heire. (.Tu.Somer-fietds heire,' S.Ol. Has done the deed, has peirft the reflfells head, And knowes by this the vintage, I.Tu. when (hould this be, S. Ol. As I am by my counfell well informed, This rery day , /. TV. Tut it cannot be , Some ten miles hence I faw the maide laft night. S.Ol. Maides may be maides to night and not to morrow. Women are free and Tell th'eic maiden-heads, As men felt cloath by yard and hand fu II, But if you chance to fee your Sifter widdow, Comfort herteares and fay her daughters matcht. With one that has a knocker to his father, An honcft Noble Knight J. Tu. Stand clofe Knight, dofc, And rmrke this Capraines humor,his name is P*jfe. A drcames as a walkes, and thinkes no woman
Exter CtptAtme Tuffe,
Sees him but is in loue with him. Pm, Twere braue, /Tfomc great Lady through a window (pied me, And ftraight (hould loue me, fay (he fhould fend, footpound rnto mj Lodging,
Aad
And crauc my company : with that mony,
I would make three feu rrallcloakes.and line them
Witjj black.Ctimfon.and Tawny three pyl'd velu«i
I would eate ar Charts Ordinary,and dice
At Aatomti : then would I keepe my whore,
In beaten vfjuet,and haue two flaues to tend her*
S.OU Ha,ha,ha. Puf. What my cafe of luftices, What are you,eauc*-dropping,or doe youthinke. Your tawny coates with grcfie facings here, Shall carry it ? Sir Oliiur SmaJ.(h™kett Know my name is ^V$*,knight,thec haue I fought, „
, To fright thee from thy whs, /. T*t Nay good Sir 7*£fr> Wee haue too manv mad men already,
Pttf. How ? I tell tbee luHice T*cbhxj\Qt all Thy BaylifeSjSergants, bufie Conftablcs, Dcfefants, warrantSjor thy Mit timufles, Shall faue his throte from cutting,if he prcfume, To woe the widdow eclipped Taffeta, Shee is my wife by oth. Therefore take heed. Let me not catch thee in the widdo wes houfe, If I doe.Ilc pick thy head vpoti my fword, And piffc in thy very vifnemy,beware,beware. Come there no more,a Captains word, Flies not fo fierce as doth his fa t all fword, Sxlt Pujft,
S.O, How like you thts,(hall we indure th i s thunder, Or go^i no further. 7.7*. We will on Sir O/wr, We will on , let me alone to touchim, I wonder how my fpirit did forbeare. To (hike him on the face ; had this bccne Ipoke, Within my Libeitics^had dyed for it.
Enter Cap.V*ff.
S.O.I was about to draw. P*C[f you come there, Thy beard flia'l ferue to ftufre.thofe balls by which I get me heat at Tenice, AT*. Is he gon. SxrtVtfff. I would a durft a flood to th: s awhile, Well I {hall catch him in a narrow roome, Where neither of vs can flinch ;lfldo, lie make h>m dance a t renchmoore to my fwor J, Conic He along with you to the widdow.
VVce - - ^_^
1
I «
We will not be out-braucd,take my word, Wcdcnot be wrongd while I can drawafword. £.vfr
Enter I'krotte and Qtkcr Gtntlemi*
Tt;r. Let the Coach (lay at fhovvlane end: be ready, Let the boo.c (land opcu and, when flic's in : Huiry towards Saint (./i/rs in the Held. As if the Diuellhlm&life were waggoner, . Now for an armcofoa-kc, and heart of ftccle, To beare away the wench, to get a wife, A gentlewoman, a maide, nay which is more, An honed maide, and which is moft ef all, . A ritch and hcneft maide; O lone O lout, For a man to wed fuch a wife as this, • Is to dwell in the furbutbs of Heauen, i.Cjen. lifhelbexquffue. Thr. Sir Hie Ss ritch, And a great heire • z.Gtn. Tis the more daugerotu,
Thr. Dangerous! Lord where be thofe gallant fprites! The time has beetle when fcarfc an honneft woman, Much Icflc a vvcnch could pifle an Inne of court, But loin: of the fry would haucbeenedooing, With her: I knew the day when Shred* a Taylor, Comming once late by an Inne of Chancerie; Was laid along, and mufled in hit cloakc, His wife tooke in, Stycht vp, turnd out againe , And he pcrfwaded all was but in left, Tut thole braue boyes are, gone, thei'e which are left, Are wary lads, liue poring on their bookcs, And giue their lynnen to their landreiTes, By tayle, they now can faue their purfcs, 1 knew when curry gallant had his man, B ut now a tweluepeiiy weekely Landrefle, Will ferae the turne to halfe a dozen of them,
Here comes my man.w hat DCWCJ? 7)«f. As you vs'ould wifli,
The Lady Stmfr-fie/tl\* cocnc to towne.
Her horfes yet are walking, and her men fay,
Her oncly daughter, is conuayd away.
Noc ma» knowet how: now to it matter,
You and your fcruant 'D^h axe made for cucr,
MERr-TRlCKS.
If you but ftick to it now. 7*r.Gefitlcmeii, Now fhow your fclucs at full.and not a man, But (hares a fouune with me if I fpced.
Enter William Smalflxtnkf Boutcher,Tke
I Cftn, Tut fcare not v s, be furc you lunnc away, And wtelcpcrforme thc.quaneJ1.7"/i»r.Stand clofe,they come," W.S. Art furc be will be here.Fr.Moft facW&Be-rd.'BSii,
W.S. Bearc vp the torch,and keepe your way apace - Directly to the Saupy. T^.S.Haue you a Licence, Look e to that brother before you marry, For feare the Parfbn loofc his benifice.
W.S. Tut our Curat craues no liceoce,a fwtares His liutng came to him by a miracle,
'Sou. How by miracle ?f&S. Whyapaidnothing fort, . A fwares tbat ^ew be ftec from fymony, But onely Wclchm cn.an d thofe a fay cs to, ArebutmountaincPriefts. 5o/<. But hang him foole he lyes* Whats his reafon? W.^. His reafon is this, That all tbeir liuings are fo rude and bare, 'That act a man,will venter his damnation Bygiuingmonyforthem: a does proteft, . Thereis but twapairc of hofc and ftiboes, In all his Parifli. i .Gen. Hold vp y our light Sir. Bea.Sbsll I be taught how to aduancc my torch, (an affe. #f .S.Vchats the matter Leiftcnant. a.G<f«.Your Licftenantt Bea.Hov) an aflc ; die men like dogs. W.S.hold gentlemen. Sea: An afle.an aflc. T&.S.Hold brother hold,Liefienant, Put vp as you are men,your wife is gqne. (p'ot
f .o.Gorie)B«*.Gone.»'..S.Hov»,which way i this is fotne 7".5.Downc toward Flectc bridge. ^//.Follow,follow>fo> i,G>».Sohasthewench,letvsperfue aloofc, fi nd fee the euent,this will prooiie good mirth, When things vnfliapde (hall haue a perfit birth.
Enter fr.fwal-fianke, Koittker, Tkem.Sm*l.
. W.S. Tis a thing vnpoffibl^thcy fliould be gon Thus far and we not fecthem. T.S Vpon my life, went in by trie Grey-hound ,tndfb ftiock^ •-. B
Into Bride-well. Bon. \VnVfliould (he make there} Th.S. Take water at the docjcc. BM. Water at dock?,
A fico for her Dockc,youlc not be ruld,
Youle Hill be obftinatf,lle pawncmy fate,
She tooke a long (hew-lanc,and fo went home,
W.S.Home. Pea. I home;how could flicchoofe but go, "Seeing fo many-naked toolcs at once,
Drawne in the ftreete ? 7*. S. What fcuruy lucke was this, fr.S. Come we will find her,or weele- fire the Suburbs;
Put vp yourtoolc$,lcttsfirfta long fhew-lane,
Then ilraightvp Hoiborne,!/ we find her not,
We!c thence dircft to Thro rwtif (he be loft,
I am vndoiie and all your hopes are croft. • £ xtt.
£nttr Sir Oltuer SmaltfliAHke, Ittfticc Tntchimt
S.Ol. Widdow I muft be (hort. lu.Tn.Sir Olitur. Will you fhameyour felfe,ha? You muft be (hort, Why what a word was that tatell a widdow/
S.Ol. I ment I muflbe brcere.I*.7W. Why fay fo chen^ Yet thats almoft as illjgo to,fpeake on»
S.O. Widdow I muft be brecfe, what old men doc. They muft doc quickly .7~4/,Then good fir do it, Wfddowes are lildome flow to put men to it.
S.O, And old men know their?'/, my lone you know* Has bin protefted long , and no w I cc me, To make my lateft tendcr.an old growne oake Can keepe you from the raine.and ftands as faire, And portly as the beft. T*/. Yet (carch him well, * And we (hall find no pithe or hearty Timber To vnderlay a building, I«.T*. I would that oake. Had beene a fire/forward good fir Oliuer, Your Oike is naught; flicke not too much to that.
Sir Ol. If you can likc.you (hall be Ladified, ' Line at the court.and foonc be got with child, Whatdoyouthinke we old men can do noching? . I«.7kTbis was fomewhat like/Sir O/. You (hall hauc le- . ABaboone,Parrat,andanlzeland Dog, ' And \ my felfe to beare you company, Your ioyntcr is fiue hundred pqund by ycarc,
Dtfidcs
\i^_ .__1^^_^-... _- — - — ' . .... •
7CKS.
Befi(?esyourPIatc,yeurChaincs and houfliouldflnffe, When enuious fate fhall change thh mprtall life.
Taf. But fhall I not bo oucr-cloydc with loue? Will you nor to be too bufiepfliall 1 kecpe My chamber by the month,ifl bee pleafd To take Phificke,to fend for Vifitams, To haue my maidc read Ammiis de G*ule.
A Carotch of the laft edition,
The Coatch-mans feate a good way from the" Coatch,
That if fome other Ladies and my felfe
Chance to talke bawdy,he may not ouer-hcare vs.
S.OI, All this and more, 7*/.Shall we haue two chambels? And will you notprefume vnto my bed, Till 1 {hall call you by my waiting maidf.
S.Ot, Not 1 by heaucn. ?*/• And when I fend her, Will you not intice her to your luft, Nor tumble her before you come to me.
Mr, Nay let him do his worft.makeyour match fiire. And fearc not me,I ncucr yet did fcare, Any thing my maifter could doe to me. Kxocf^
Taf, What noife is that,goe fee hdriamt, And bring me word .• I am fo haunted With a fwaggering Captaihe,that fweares, God blefievs, Likcavery7~<*r»<s<£4»/,aRaskallknaue, Enter.
That faies he will kill all men which feekcs to wed me. Adr*
A4r. O MiftriflcICaptaine Puffe halfe drunkejis now Comming vp ftaires.5.O/.O God haue you no roome, Beyond thi»Chanjbcr,has fworne to kill me, And piflc in my very vifnomy,
Taf.Vfhx are you afraid Srr.O/wwrPS-O/.Not affraid, But of all men 1 loue not to meddle with a Drunkard.- Haue you any Rome backwards. T*f None Sir. In. Tit. Is there ncre aTrunckeor Cobberl for him, Is there nerea hole backwarbs to hide him in, Cap-*Pu. /muft fpeakc with her. S. Ol. O God a come*.
AAr. Creepc vnder my Miftris Farthingale Knight, That-, the beft and fafcft place in the Chamber.
/ Tu. \ therc.thcrc that he will neuet miftiuft.
E2 fWK
- . " ..__-__ I: ^j
. Enter Knight, keepe clofe, gacher your felfe 1
Round like a Hcdg-hog,Hir not what etc you hcare,
Sec or fmell Knight. God blcflc vs, here a comes* Ent.C.Ttt".
Ca, *PM, Blefle thee widdow and wife. Tajf, Sir get you gon
Leaue my houfe ot I will haue you coniu r ' J
With/uch a fpell you neuer yet hauc heard of,
Haue you no other place to Vent your froth,
B tit in my houfc,is this the fu teft place,
YourCaptaineftiip can find to puffe in ha?
C* Pw.How, ani I not thy fpoufe, didft thou not fay,
Thefc armes (hould clip thy naked body faft
Betwixt two linnen fhects, and be fole Lord,
Of all thy peuter worke, thy word is paft.
And know.that man is pouder, duft, and earth,
That fhall once dare tothinke thecfor his wife. Taff. How now you flaue, one call the Conftable> ^ PH. No-Conftable with all his Holbmieres,
Dare once aduance his head or peepevp (hires,
If I cry but keepe downerhaue I not liu'J, And march: on Heged walls, • In thunder, lightening, rainc, and friow, And cake in jnotte'oif'poudered balk, Whofc coftly market are yet to fliew.
Inf. Cap:aint Face, for my laft hufbands fake, • With whom you were fo familiarly acquainted, ' I am content to winke at thefe rude trickes, But hence, trouble me no more, if you doe, . » .
I (hall lay you faft, where you fhall fee, NoSunneorMoone. CpAJ.NoryettheNorthernePolei ' A fico for the Sunne and Moone,let me Hue in a hole,- Sothcfe two ftarres may fiiine. Jaff.Sir get you gonne, You (waggering cheating Turne-bull-ftrcctc roague. Or I will bale you to the common-lay le, - Where Lice (hall eat you. f.T*. Coto,l (hall fpurne, And Qafli your petty-coate. T*f. Runne to the counter, \ Fetch^rae a rcd-bcardcd Sargeant, iic make You Captaine thinkc the Dcuill ofhell is come, Te fetch youpf he once fa(^tn on you. ^P#. Dambe thee and thy Sargcanw,thou Mercers Punkd
LMERT-TR/CKS.
Thus will I kick thce and thy Farthingales.
5. Ol. Hold Captaine. £"'./'#. What do you caft your. whelp$»
Whac haue I found you fir? haue not 1 plac'd
My Sakers, Cu!ucrings,Demi-cu!uerings,
My Cannons, Demi-cannons, Bafiliflcs, .
Vpon her breach, and do I not Hand,
Ready with my Pike to make my entry,
And are you come to man her? S.O/. Good Captaine hold, £P». Arc not herBulwarkes, Parapets, Trenches,
Scarfcs, Counter- fcarfes, Fortifications,
Curtaines, Shaddo vves, Mines, Countetmines,
Ratnpires, Forts, Ditche»,,Workcs, Water-workes,
And is not her halfe-rnoone miHc,and do you bring, .
A refcue good man Knight, Taff, Call vp my men, E*ter 2.
Where be thefe knaues,haue they no earcs.or hearts, or 3 .with
Beat: hence this rafcal) ,fomc other fetch a warrant, clubs.
Ileteach him know himfelfc, 7.7*. Downe with theflaue, S.O/ Tis not your beard fhall carry it,downe with the rogue £P«.Not 7/(rr<-«/«gainfttweiny/,7*. A firra, Sx.fdct,
1 knew my hands no longer could for bear e him,
Why did you not (hike the Knaue, fir Ofiueri S.O/. Why fo I'did, 7,7*. But then it was to late, S.O!. What wourd you haue me do when I was downc,
And hoe ftoo d thundering with his weapon drawne.
Enter t/tdriaiut.
Ready to cut my throate. t/f&r. The roague is gone,
And her's one from the Lady Somerfttd,
To intreat you come with all the fpccd you can,
^To SAlatloknsJlreete. I.T«. Which I will do. T*/.Gcntlcmcn
I am lorry you Should be thus difiutbed
Within my houfe, but now all feare is pair,
Vou are rooft welcome : fuppcr ended,
lie giue a gratious anfwef to your iiiR,
Meane while let nought difmay,or keepe you mute. Exit*
is, itnd D«Jk. Ihr J>ay the Coatch-man 2)rf/&,pay him well, And thank' him for his {peed. Now r~i»at Rex, > The knot is '• .ic which not the Law it fclfe, £3
MERr-TRICKS. With all hi$ Hydra heads and ftron Is able to difioyne : Now let him hang, I'Vct out his gius.and fwcarc the fbrres from heauefl, A ncuer flial! enioy you,yon (hall be rich. Your Lady mother this day came to towne In your purfute : wee will but fhift fome ragges, And rtraight go take her blefTing. Fra. That muft not be* Furnifh me with le wcls.and then my fclfe, Attended by your man and hone{l5«rJ, Will thethcr nrft,and with my Lady mother Craue a peace for you. Thr. I like that well, Her anger fomc-what calm'd,! brisk and fine, Som.c halfe houre after will prefentmy.fclfe As Ibnne in law vnto her ,which (lie muft needs Accept with gratiousjookcs, F/*. 1 when fticc knowes Before by me,from what an eminent plague Your wifdome has prcferu'd me, Thr. \, that, that, That will ftrike it dead : but hecrc comes Ttetrd. Enter "Beard.
"Bta. What are you fure^idc faft by heart and han<J4
Thr. I now da call her wife,(he now is mine, Scald and deliuered by an honeft Prieft, «. At Stixt Giles in the field. Be*. God giue you ioy fir.
Thr. But where'* mad Sm*l-ft>anke. Tittr. O hard at hind, And almost mad withlofleof his faire bride, Let not my louely Mifircffc bee feene, And fee if you can draw him to compound For all his title to her,I haue Sargiants Rea.dy to do the feate.whcn time fhall ferue.
Thr. Stand you afide dcere loue,nay I wil firke My filly nouice,as he was neuer fiikt Since Mid wines bound his noddle : heere they come. Enter W.SmalJb. Th.SntAlflj. And 'Boucher.
W.S> O Maifter Tkrote,vnleffc you fpcake good newes* My hopes are crof^and I vndcme for euer.
Thr. 1 fieuer thought you'd come to other end, Your coutfes haue beene alwayes fo prophane, Extrauagant and bafe. W.S. Nay good fir hcare ? Did not my loac cccurnc ? came (he not hether ?
For V.
i louc fpeake. T^r.Sir will you get you gen. And fcckc your louc elfewhcre,for know my houlc, Is not to cncertaine fuch cuftomcrs, As jrou'and your comrades, fPS.lt the man mad, Or drunke, why Maifter Throttle know you to whom You talkc fo fawcily? Thr. Why vnto you, And to your brother SmalflMn^et, will you be gon,tf
Boa. Nay good fir hold vs nor in this fufpencc, Anfweredirectly came not the Virgin hether, Thr, will you bcgon dircctlyfareyou mad? Come you to fcekc a Virgin in Ranvailcy: Soneere an Inne of Court and among! t Coolers, Ale-men and Landrcfles? why arc you fooles?
W.S. Sir leauc this irke o t law or by this light, lie giue your throate a flit, came fhc not h ether, Anfwere to that point, Thr. VVhathaue you loft her? Come doe not gull your frcinds, I'/.S. By hcaucn fhecs gon, Vnles fhe be returnd fincc we lafl left you. " Thr. Nay then I cry you mercy (he came not h ether, As I am an honncft man, Ift poiTble. A maid fo louely (aire, fo well dcmcand, Should be cooke from you.?what from you three? So young,fo brauc;and valiant Gentlemen. Sure it cannot bee, T. Sm. Afore God tis true. W. 5i».To our perpetual! fhames tis now to true,
Thr. Is flic not left behind you in the Tauernc, Are you fure you brought her out^ were you not drunke, And fo forgo: her, W.Sm. A pox on all fuch lucke, I will find her, or by this good 1 ght I le fire all the C'itty, come lets goe, Whoeucrhas her fhall not long enjoy her, • lie prooue a contraclrlcts walke the round, Jichauc her iffheektcpe aboue the ground, Ex ft,
Thr. Haha ha, a makes me fpoi t ifaith, The gull is mad, ftarke mad, Djfi draw the bond, And a icleafc ot all his intcrc tt In this n-y loued wife, "Bea, I be fure of that, Per 1 haue certaine gdblins in huffe Icrk in s , Sut'r with the . Lye in arnbi^cado for him, C^l I areft you fir, Sergeants .
WSm,
^ • : ~ — , -~.
. MERT-T RICKS. fT. 5", Reikue.resku, Th.O he Is caught, Vf.S. Ilegbe you
Hang ovi" hpnclt catch-poles,.<W.7fcr<tf#>good,wifc, (bailc Learned, and honeft mairtcr Ihrotc, now, now, Now or neucf hclpe me. Ihret . Whats the matter f *
W. J^Hcrc arc tworctainers,hangerson fir, Which will confumc more therutea liucrics, Ifby your mcancs they be not ftraice fliooke off, I am a'rrcftcd. TAr. Arrcfled r what's the fumme?
-W.if.Buc thircccne pound, due to B^W the Butler, Dobucbailemc^nd I will faue you harmeleffe.
Ihr. Why hecr'sthc end of Ryot:I know the law, If you be baild by me,the debt is mine, Which! will vndertake. W..S1. Law there jRoagues, Foote I know hcc would not let me want For thirteenc pounds. 7"/;r.Prouided,ycu fealc a rcleafc, Of all your claime to Miftrefle Somerficld*
W.y. Sergeants do your l;indc, hale me to the hole, Scale a releafe.Sargeaats come,to prifon, Scale a releafc for Miftrifle Somtrficld. Fir(t 1 will ftinck in Iayle.be cace with Lyce, Indurean obicft worfc then the Dcuill himfclfe, And chat's ten Sergeants peeping through the grates Vpon my lowfie li nn e»:come to laylet Fobte a releafc. TiJ-rTher'snoconfcienccinir.
BOH Tu a demand vncharitable. Thr. Nay choofe.
Fr^. I can hold no longc r,impudcn t man.
VV.S, My wifc,foote my wite,lct me go Sergeants-.
Fra.O thou perfidious manldarft thou prefume To call her wife,whom thou fb much haft wroog'd? VVnat conq'ieft had thou got,to wrong a maide, A filly harmelefltf maide ? what glory i(t That thou haft thui decciued a nmple Virgin, And brought her from her friends? what honor waft For thce to make the Butler loofc his office And runne away with thce. Your tricks arc knowne; Didft thou not fweare thou fhouldft be Baroniz'd ? And h adft both lands and fortunes ? both which th-vu wan A
W.S. Footc that's not my fault,! would ha1 ' d* If I could get cm. fm, I know your uick,
AM
MERRr-TX/CKES. And know I now am wife vnto this man.
To «* hlnSf thankc hcr fir'flie hai now
To , « It her felfc on me. Fr*.Thercfore fubfcribe Take/orne-what of him for a ful, rclcaf °'
/ndpravtoGodtomakeyouanhoflcftman, If not, I doe proteft by earth and Heauen Although I flaruc,thoU neucf (ha,£ in.oy.met
I ST; V° u h Paft»nor Wl11 <*« brc'ak« ^r word,
^s£Krmi±r; F^ I hope a will compound. fcJS ? flla" J §iuc two thoufa"d Poand a ycare Fornothmg. T.S. Brother comc.be rul'd by me Better to take a little then loofe all.
'8 rer°!ute' / had bcft compound. e damn'd ere I will loofe my right, vpmforfitmor . y
.
And bade ^e of this a<ftion. Fr^Sirycu may choofr, What5themorgaee worth? W.S.Lets hauenowhifpcring.'
c.L , £ %y pounds a yeare- F«-D°e jMoc it/
Comeyoufiialldoit.wewillbcridofhim, At any rate. T^r.^^go fetch his morgage,
°Ur
Title,r!ghr,pofleinon,in pan or whole, int,metocoine,inthismylouedwife.- I w,ll rettore the morgage'pay thi, debt, And fet you free. *>.S. They fliall not.^.VVe will, ne draw the bonds.and we wi'l foone fubfaibe then.
Se ™r' Tf)Cy « "ady drawne; here's his rclcafe,
^.S. Was ewer man thus cheated of a wife: " this my morgage,7*r.The'very fame fir,
^.5.WelJI wll fubfcribe,God gine you ioy, ^'chough lhaue but little caufe to wifliit, My heart wilJ fcarce confent vnte my hand. l« done.n^.You gioe thii as your deeds.Ow».Wedo<L S T^r.Certihe them &*&. W S.What am I free
T»r.You are^argiants Idifchargeyou,
inere S VOUrfees.5*a.Nnr fn.T mn/f !,«..
I fayl mufthauc money. Thr How much fift fit*. Three pounds in band,and all the reft to morrow* Thr. Thet's your fu.nme.now officers begon, Each take his way,l muft to Saint loknsftreett, And fee my Lady-mother : fliee's now in towhe, And we to her fhall ftraitc r refect our duties.
T.S. O fane :hall we loofethe wench thus. W.5,Euea thui, TTtrott farewell,fince 'tis thy luck to haue her, I fiill fhall pray , you long may liuc together: Now each to his affaires. Tfcr. Goodnight to all, Ex. D;are wife ftep in,#ftm/aod Daft comehether : Hecrc take this money :goe borrow Jewels Of the ncx: Gold-fmit h: Beard tike thou thefc bookes, Goe both to the Breaker* in Fetter lane, Lay them in pavr ne for a Veluct lerken An da double Ruff e.tell him a fhall haue . •*,
As much for loane to night.as I do giuc Vfual'y for a whole circuit, which done You two fli all man her to her mothers : goe, Ex. My fate lookes btg ; me thinkes I fee already, Nineteene gold chaincs.fcuenteene great beards,and ten Reuerenjt bald heads,proclaime my way befbrf me, My Coatch /hall now go prancing through Cheapfide, And not be forft to hurry through the ftreetes, For fcarc of Sargeantst nor fhall I need to trye. Whether my wel-graft tumbling foot-cloth nag, B e able to out-runne a wcl-b rea t h 'd Catchpole, I now in pompc will ride,for 'tis moft fit, Hee (bould haue ftatc that rilcth by hit vvic. £.v.
Sczna.t."
Sir Oluurjuftt
S.OI. Good meate the bdly fils.good wine the braine, Women pleafemcn.mcn plcafure them againc, Ka me,ka thee.one thing muft rub another, Eiigh ft loue Scots, Welfliraen loue each other.
/.TV. You fay very right fir O4w?r,Yery righc,; *- . '
I hauc't jn my coddle itaitb^That** all the fault
«4 J
^^. .... _ — *— — ~— —
Old luflices haue,when they arc at feafts, Th'ey will bib hard,they will be fine Sunburnt, Surficient,fox,tor.Columbcrd now and than, Now could I fit in my chayre at home and nod, A diunkard to the flocks, by vertue of * The lalt ftatute rarely. Taf. Sir you arc merry. /.T«. lam indeed. T«f. Your fupper fir was light,
I*-. **..
As heauy in my belly as moult lead, Yet He goe fee my Sifter Somrnerfield,
S.O.So late good luflice. l,T*. Icuenfolate.' Night is the mother of vvi t,a$ you may fee, By Poets or rather Conftablcs In their examiaations at midnight, Wcele lye together without marrying, Saue the Curars fees, and the pariQi a labour, Tis a thriuing courfe. 5, 0/.That may not be, For excommunications then will flee.
/.Tw.Thats true,they flic indeed likewild-geefe, la flocks.one in the breech of another. But the bell is a fmall matter ftayes them, And fo farewell. S.O.Farwell good luftice Ttttckim, Exit. Alafle good Gentleman his braines are craicd, But let that pafle : fpcakc widdow ift a match, Shall we clap it vp. ,^r,Nay ift come to clapping, Good night ifaith.Miflris lookc before. you, There's nothing more dangerous to maidc or widdow, Then fuddainc clapings vp. nothing has fpoyld, So m<«py prpper Ladies.as clappings vp : Your fluttlc-cockjft riding from tables to ground, Oncly to try thcfttength of the backe, Your. riding a hunting,! though they fall, With their heeles vpward.and lay as if They were t aki i) g the height ,of fome high ftarr* With a crofTe fiiffc : no nor your iumlings In horsflit t erSjCoatchei or caroat ch cs, Hau c (poild ib many \votnen as clappings vp. Fa
S.O/.Why then wcele chop it vp. T*f. Fbats not slowed, Vnlefle you werefonnc to a welch Curate : But faith fir Knight I haue a kind of Itching, - To be a Lady,that I can tell you woes, And can petfwade with better rethorick, 'ThenotheSjWitjwealthjVa'our.landjjOrpetfon, I haue feme debts at court,and marrying you, I hope the Courtier will not Rick to pay me.
St Q/. Neuer feave thy paimcnt Thi» 1 will fay, For Courtiers theyie be fure to pay each other, Flow ere they deale with Cittize ns.7«/.Then herci my hand, I am your wife,con<lition we be ioynd, Before to morrows funne. Sir O. Nay euen to night So you be pieaf d with litile warning widdo w, We old men can be ready,and thou (halt fee, Bcfor; the time that chamiclecrc, Shall call and tell the day is neete, When wenches lying on their backs, Receiue with ioy their loue-ftolne fmacks, When maids awak't from their firft flccpe, Deceiu'd with dream es begin to weepc, And thinke of dreames/uch pleasures know, What fport the fubftancc them would (how, When Ladies gin white Lymmes to fpred, Her louc but new ft olne to her bed, His cotten fhovves yet fcarce put off, And dares not laugh,fpcake,(neeze,or cough, When precife dames begin to thinke, . Why their grofe fouring husbands (tincke, What plcalurcs t were then to inioy, A nimble viccar.or a boy. Before this time thou (halt behold, Me quaffing out our brydall bole. • Adr. Then belike before the morning Surine You will be coupled. TW/.Yes faith Adrian*.
ftxfcfr. Well I will iookc you fhall haue tclcadc f-n9ck, Prouided thit you pay the fee XirOliuer, Since my Miftris (ir will be a Lady, He loofc no fees d«c to the waituigmaid.
Sir
J
LMERr-T RICKS.
S.OI. Why is there a fee belonging to it. £X^r. A Knight and neuer heard of imock-fecs, I would I had the monopoly of them, So there were no impoft fct vpon them: Enter jr. Sm*
S.O1. VVhcm hauc we h<rere?what my mad-headed fonne*. VVhat makes he here fo late ? fay I am gone, And I the whileft will ftep behind the hanging*.
W. J.God bltffc thecparccll of mans flcfli. T^.How fir. W 5. Why parcell of mans flefli,art not a woman? But widdow, vtl'cre's the old fliukerd my father, They fay widdow you dance altogether After his pipe. Trf/.V Vhat then. W.S.Th'art a foole, lie afliue thee there's no muhck in it. T«f> Can you play better f WS. Better widdow?
Bloud dolt thinke 1 hauc not tearnt my prick- fong, Whatnot thccouttprick-fong? one vp and aaothcrdown* Why I haut't to a hairc by this light, ] hope thou loucft him not. -Taf. He marry him fir. V V.S. How marry him,fooi art mad widdow, Woot marry an old crated man, With meager lookcs, with vifage wan, With little legs and crinckled thighes, With Chapf alne gummcs and dec pe funke eye*> Why a dog feazd on ten day cs by death Scinkes not fo loathfome as his breath, Nor can a cltty common laques, Which all merfs Breeches vndertakes, •• Yceldfaftingftomakcsfuchafaaour,
As doth his brcath.and vgly faiiour, 5. OL Rogue, ^^r.Thats all one fir,fhc meanes to be a Lady, VV.S.Docs Hie fo,and thou muft be htr waiting woman. Fairh thou wilt make a fine dainty creature, To fit at achaipberdoQTeand.Iiokt flfas In my LaJies clog, \VhiJe nisjsfliowiity Some flippcry britcht Coin tier rare faces. In a by-u indov : fbot e widdow* Marry me a yong and compjeate gallant.
Taf*. HAW a-ctirtiplcat g,iiJaiu ? >\ iiat^ft fellevy,
" F 3 ; VVitlt
MERTR-TRICKES
With a hat tuckt vp behind,and what we yfe,
About our nippcs to kccpcpur coats from dabling,1
He wearcs about his ncck.a farthingale,
A Handing toiler to kccpc his ncatc band clcane,
The wh i IH his (hire doth ftinke and is more foule,
Then an Inne of chancery table ctoatht
His breeches miift be plated as if he had *"'
Some thirty pocket s, when one poore halfpeny purfc,
Will carry all his treafure, his kneel all points,
As if his legges and hams were tied togeather,
A fellow that has no infide, but prates <
By roate, as players and parrots vie to doc,
And to define tcompleat gallant right,
A mercer form d him, a Taylor makes him,
And a player giues him fpi ighr,
W. Sm. 'Why foln my confcience to be a counteffo Thou wouldftmarry a hedg-ho?.- 1 muft confefle, Tis ftate to haue a coxe-combe kiflc your h ands, While yet the charaber-ly is fcarfe wipte oft) To haue an vpright vflir r march before you Bare headed in a Tufcafata ierkin, Made of your o'd caft gowne,fliewes patfing well, But when you feele your hufbands pullcs,thats hell, Then you fly out and bid Hrajt f.uockes farewell,
T*f. I hope fir what ere our hufbands be, We may be honeft. W.Sm. May be nay y'are Women and honefly are as neere alii ed i As parfons Hues are to their do&rines, One and the fame,but widdbw now be ruld, 1 hope the i* awns vtifl giue the* better grace, Then to accept the father, and I yet iliue, • To be befto-wed if your wed the ftinkcrd, You (hall find thctale *tT*Ht*l»t '• '•••'• Tobcnoefablewiddow.S».0/.How1fwc»te, *-r Icanhold no longer, degenetate baftard; •* Iheere difclaimethee^afheerethce, naymore» I dif hinhcr it thce both of my louc.j
e t thee A gray cloake and hat jj
As melancholly ai the bcft: Toff. Come not neere mei
3 forbid-thee my houfc: my out hcufcs,
My Garden, O: chard, and my backfide,
Thou flialt HOC harbor necrc me,tf/r,O/,Nay to thy greifcj
Ktrow.varletlwillbcwcd this morning,
Thou (halt not be there nor once be grac'd,
With a peccc of Rofemary, He caflieere thee,
Do not reply I will not flay to heere thee,
tr.Sm. Now may I goe put me on a cleane fliirt, And hang my fclfe.-foot who would haue thought, The Fox had eaith'd fo neere me; whats to be done, What Miracle fhall I now vndertake, To winne refpc&iue giacc with Cod and men ? What if Iturn'd Courtier and Hu'dhooeft ? Sure that would doe, I date not walke the ftrcets, For I dwindle at a Sargeantin buffe, Almoft as much as a new Player does, At a plague bill ccrteficd forty, Well I like this widdo w,alufly plumpe drab, Has fab/lance bath inbretcb and purfe, -j
And pitty and (inneic were (he fhould be wed To a turd cl oack and a night.c ap . II c baue her, This widdow I will haue : her money Shall pay my debt s,and fee me vp againc, Tis heere, 'tis almoft for^'d,wlikh if it take/ T he world fhall praife my wit .admire my fate. £W/'/-
£ nter Beard, T)*fh, Francis*, SargeAtit, Drtmtrt.
^M.Sargeants beware be fureyou not mifiake, ' .
For If you Sfte fa/b flic (hall be quickly baild, 5he faa\]cor}>xs cum c*nfa be remoou'd, Your adion entered ftrft below (ball flirinke, And you (hall find fir-Sargcant Hie lias friends, Will fticke to her in the common fJace. S*r, Si r, Will you procure her bayJe: 2w,SheiiiallbcbaikJ, Drawer bring vpfomc wine, vfe her well, Her hufband is a Gentleman of fort, . ;
5««. A Gentleman, ofiortjvghy- what cafe I: . AwomanofherfafhroniffiaUJtKdc ...
More kindncflc at'a jfl%fia^n«i band T
- - .1 '."'. " - ' ' ..Then _ jj
MZRTR-TRICKES
Then ten of youi Gentlemen of fort.
*D,i;l>, Sir v,e her wcli,(hee's wife to Maiftcr 7%,
S*r. tie vfe her fir as if (he were my wife, Wou^d you hauevny more. Bea. Drinke vpon that, Wntt'ft we goe fetch hsr bayle: Z>«/i,fcllow Daft>.< With all rfic fpeed thou batt runne for our Marf. er, Make hatt Icaft he be gon before thou comcft, To Lady Somcrfiehb . .He fetch another, She (ha I hauc bayle. DaK, And afirking wiitte
0 falfe imprisonment, (he (hall befure
Of tweluepence damage, and flue and twenty pound For futes in I aw : He goe fetch nty Matter.
S.-a. And 1 another &»r. Drawer leaue the roome Heere nrfiris a health: F. r* Let it com fweet Rogue*
Drat \ fay you foe: then mutt 1 hauc an eye, Thefe Sargeants feed on very good reuerfions. On Capons, Tealcs,and fometimes on a vvodcockc, Hot from the fhreiues owne table, the knaues feed wel, Whieh'makes them horrid letchers.Fr.This health ispledgd An honhett Sar^eant how does maiiler Gripe, The Drtwtr The keeper of the Counter. I doe protcft,
1 found him alwaies fauorable to me,
A is an honed man, has often flood to me,
And becne my friend and fet me goe a truft
For victual! when a has denied it knightes,
Lets pay and then be gon, th'arctt you know
Was but a trick to get from nimble Dafk
My hufbands man :S<*r. True but I hauc an action
At fute of M&refle, Smcl-fmocke, your quart***
The fumme Is eight good pound, for fix wcelces boaid,
And flue weeket loane for a red T af«t« gowne,
Bound with a filutr lace, F>a I 'do protcft,
By all the honefty twixt thee and mee,
I got her in that gowne in fix weekes fpace
Fourc paund and fourteene pence giuen by a Clarke
O£an Innc of Chancerie^hat. night I came,
Out ofherhoufe.amd does the, filthy lade,
Send :o me fbrmoney&tit honcft Sergeant;
' LrtaKgosndfaythoudidftnotfcerae,
Rtnds tjide,
but come
lie doc thec as great a plcafurc (hortly.
Sdr.Shall we imbraccto night. f>4.Witliall my hcirt.
Sar.Sit on my knee and kiflc, Enter %ea>el,
Bw.What ncwcs boy'why ftand you Centinell?
Dr4.Do butconceale your felfe.and we fliall catch My Sergeant napping. lie*. Shall maides be Here deflowred,
Sar. Now kiflc againe. 2) rxw.Now.no w. £ nt<r Cap .**d.
Br,?.Dcflo wcr r crgins,rogue?auant ye flaue,y<«»£ the burly Arc maides firfubie^s for a Sargcanu mace. bnrljtn(nt***y* Sonow are we once more frcejtncr'sforthevune. Ex.Str. Now co our Rudeuow : three pound* in gold Thefe flops containe ; week quafife in Venice glafles, And fwcare fomc Lawyers are but (illy Aflct. fxewit,
Enter Captaint F*ce.
^t/.Ts the oeaft clcarc.arc thcfe cumbuftions ccift, And may we driuke Canary fack in peace.' Shall we haue no attendance here you rogues? Where be ihefe raskals that skip vp and downe, Fafter then Verginall iacks.Mrawers.Dr4.Sir.
fip.On whom watte vou fir rogue^2>r4,Faith.Captain«, I attend a conuenticle of Players. C* . How Playcts.what is there ere a Cuckold among them ?
Dr*. lone defend, clfe it (lands with pollicic, That one fliould be a notorious Cuckold. If it be but for the better keeping, The red of hit company together.
£>p. When did you fee fir Th««pkr*ftin S/op, The Citty Dog-maifter ? 2><i.Noc to day fir.
C<?/>. What jiane you for my fupper. Dr«.Nothyig ready Vnlefleyou pleafc to (lay th drcfling Captaine.
C^». 'Zowncs Hay the drcffing.ycu damned rogue. Whac fliall I waitc vpon your grcafie cooke, And waite his lea(ure,go downe ftaires rogue, Now all herothercudomers be fcru'd, Aske if your Miflrtfle haue a (hip of Mutton Yet left for me. Dr*. Yes fit. C*p, And good-man roaguef See what good thing your Kitchin-maide has left Forme to workc vpon,my batrov>-gut lings grumble And Would haue food ; Say now the Vintners wife
C SbeuI4
r-t RICKS.
Should bilng me vp a Pheafant,Partridge,QiwiIe^
A plcafant banquet.aod extreamly loue me, :-.*>.
Defire me to eate,kiflc,a!id protett,
I fhould pay nothing for it,fay (hefhould drinke
Her felfe three quarters drunke,to win.my loue,
Thet! giue me a chaine,worth feme three fcore pound*,
,Say twerc worth but rorty,fay but twenty,
For Cittizens do fii dome in their wooing,
Grae aboue twenty pounds : fay then 'tis twenty,
}le goefell fome fiftcenc pounds worth of the chaine,
To buy fcine clothes, and i'hift my lo wfic Hanen,
And weare the reft as a perperuall fauour.
About my arme in fafliion of a Bracelet,
Say then her husband fhould grow iealio us,' •
Ide make hi n drunkc,and then lie Cuckold him,
But thcd a Vintners wifc,fbmc Rogues will fay*,
\Vhich fits at Barre for the receit of cuftomc,
That fine's of chipping*, and of broken fiOi,
Is loue to Captaine F.«r,wljich to preuent,
He neuer come but when her bed ftitcht bar,
Her Bowgle gowne,and beft wrought fmock is on^ .
Then does flic neither fmell of bread ,of meacc,
Or Wrappings of the t ap.it (hall be fo, «
Exttr B<n*ckerfr.Sm*lJh*nkf,*nd frnfttnti*. 20«.Now leaue vs boy ; bleifc you Captaine F*ct, £ap. lie haue no Mufick? W.S.Foot doofl take vs for fidlercC C''-p- Then turne Straight, Drawer runne downethe ftaircs, And thanke the Gods a gaue me that great patience Not to ftrtkeyou. Ben. Your patience fir is great, For you dare fildomc ftrike. Sirra they fay, You needs will wed thewiddow Taffat*, Noltns vtlcns, / rfp.Doe not vrge my patience, A wake not furie,newrakt vp in embers, I giue you leaue to Hue. ff.S. Men fay y'aue tricks,' Tare an admirable Ape, and you can doe More feates then three Baboanes,weinaft hnucfomc.
C*p. My patience yet is great,! fay be gone, - My tricks arc dangerous. "Sou. That's nothing, I baue brought you furniture, come gcc vp
i . YP
MERRr-R/CKS,
Vp vpen this tablc.doyopr fcaces,
Or 1 will whip you to them,doc not I know
You are a low fie knauc. Cap. How ! low He knaue,
Arc we not Englifh bred ? Bert. Yare a coward Roagu c,
That dares not looke a Hiding in the face,
If CM but (tare or mew. Cap. My patience yet is great:
Doe you bandie troopes,by Dis I will be Knight,
Wcare a blew coate on great Saint Georges day, "
And with my fellowes driue you all from Paulcs
For this attempt. Bon. Will you yet get vp,
Imuftlafhyoutoir, Cty.By/Y/tfa.Gcntlccnen,
To doe you p! eafu rc,and to make you fporr,
He do'r. Wt J.Come get vp then quick.
Eon. He dreflc you fir. Cty By ftve'tis not for fcare, But for a loue I beare vnto tnefe tricks, That I pcrformc it, BOH, Hold vp your fnout fir, Sit handfomly ,by hcaucn,fir you muft do it. Come boy, /P.S,No by this good light , lie play (tlemcn? Him that goes with the motions. Dr*. Wher s the Cap,Gen-
ff. 5. Stand back boy^andbeafpec^atOTtGentleracn You fliall fee the itrangc nature of an out-landilh beaft, That has but two legs.bcarded like a man, Nofd like-a Goofe,and toungd like a woman,, Lately brought from the land of Catits, A bcalt of much vnderftanding, were it not giuen Too much to the louc of Vcncry .• do I not do it well ^
Ban Admirably. W.S. Remember noble Captainc, You skip when I ihall (hake my whip. Now fir, What can you doe for the great Turk* f What can you doefor the Pope of Rome ? Harkcjhcftirrcthnot.hcrnoouah notjic waggcthnor, ,^ What can you do for the towne ofGeneua ftrra ?
Be. hfldi vf bit hands infteed of praying,
^fow, Sure this Babonnc is a great Puritane,
'ton. Is not this Orange. ??;£ .Not a whit by this ligK t, "Bunkei his horfe and hee were taught both in a ftable.
2)r4.Orare.C</.2onnci He firft be daron'd,{V>ail fport Bee 1 aught at ; by Dis,by P/Mo,wd ff&tPrefenait, Wy fatall blade once dcawoe/alls but with death,
G a
__
r
Yet if youlc let me got, I vow by hut,
No widdowjtn jidc,wifc,punke,or Cockatrice,
Shall makeme haunt your goafts. Ben. Twill not fcruelir,
You mvift (hew more. Cap. Jle firft be hangd and damn'd,
VV.S. Foote can a iumpc fo well? BOH. Is a fo quick i I hope the flaue will haunt no more the widdow.
ff.S. As for that take no care,forby this light Sliecle not haue thee. "Ssw.Noihauc met W.S.Nonothaue By this hand,fle{h,aiid bloud.fhe is rcfolu'd (tnec,
To make my father a moft fearefull Cuckold, And he's rcfolu'd to faue his foulc by her.
#««.How by her ? W.S.Thus,a'l old men which marry Young wiucs.fliall qucihonldTc be fau'd, For while ch'are young,they keepe other mens wiucs, And when th 'are old,tney keepe wiues for other men, And fo by fatifFaction procure faluatioa. Why thou dcicdcd taile of a Crab, Does not the faiie fiaftantia SomerffU Doatc on thy filthy face ; and wile thou wed A wanton widdow ? what canft thou fee To doateon her. 'Ben. Onely this.I louc her.
W.S. Doo'rt loue her,thcn take a purgation, For loue He affure thee is a binder
Of all things vndcr heaucn , there's no fitter parralells then a Drunkard and a Louer: for a drunkard looies hit fences, fo , does your louer ; your drunkard is quarrelfome, fo is your loucr : your drunkard will fweare, lye, and fpeake great words, fo will your louer; your drunkard is moft dcfirous of hisletchery,and To is your louer : Well the night growes old, farewell ;
I am fo much thy friend,rhat none lhall'bed thee, While faire Coafltnti* is refolu'd to wed thee. Ex. Enter Thtmts 'vntl-flutnkf and oihcrt.
T.S Joote (hall we let the wench goe thus, My matters now (how your felucs Gentlemen, And takeaway the Lawyers wi fc:; Footc though I haue no wit.yet I can Loue a wench, and choofc a wife,
Gen. Why fir, what (hould yoa doc with a wife , that are
held
held noneofthe wifeft ?youlc get none but fooles* • Th. S. How fooles, why may not I a foolc get a wife child as well as wife men get fooles : all lyes but in the agillicy of the woman : introth I thinke all fooles are got when their mothers a fleepe ; therefore lie neuer lye with my wife but when (he is broad-waking , fl an d to't honeft friends , knockc dovvnc the Lieftenanc, and then hurry the wentch to Fleet- ftrcct, there my father and I will this morning be married. Enter Beird and Francis.
Gen. Stand clofc they come.
Sea. By lone the night growes darke and Luna lookes As if this houre fome fifty cuckolds were making, Then Jet v$ trudge.
Grw.Downc with 'cm, dbwne with them , away with her Maiftcr ^mal-frank^s to Flcctftreet , goe, the Curate there tiayes for you.
Sea. And ftayes the Curar, Whats here, knockt downe,andbloud of men let out, Muft men in darkenefle bleed,then Erebus looke big, And Boreas blow the fire of all my rage, Into his nofe/Night thou art a whore, Sm<i/-Jbankf a rogue: and is my wench tooke from me, Sure I am guld,this was no Coccatricc, I, neuer faw her before this day-light pecpt: '
What dropft thou head,thii furely is the heyre, And mad will Smal-fiMikej Jay in Ambufcado, To get her now from me, 5?rW, Lieftcnant Betrd, Thou art an afle, what a dull flaue was I, That all this while (melt not her heneOy. Pate I doe not pitty thee : hadft thou brainef, Lieftenant Be/ird had got this wealthy heyre, "'
from all thefrroguenbloud to be this ore-rcachd, In pate and wench : reucnge,reuenge come vp, /nd with thy curled locks cling to my beard, Sm*l-fl>*Mkft \ will betray thce: I now will trudge, To Saint Iok*tjireete to informe the Lady Sommerfeld Where thou art : I will preuent the match, Thou art to Flcetftreet gonc,reucnge (hall follow. AndmyinccnfcdwathflialJlikegteatthundcr,
G 3 , Difper/e
^^^^0w
ME Rr-T RICKS.
Di 'pcrfll- thy hopes and thy bra uc wife a Hinder.
£ *ter L*dj SsmmtrfitU^twd Inflict Tutcbiff*
Tu, Say as 1 fay widdow,thc wench is gon. But I kaow wh«hcr,ftolnc (he is.wcll, 1 know by whom,fay as I fay widdow, I haue bin drinking hard.why fay To too, Old men they can be fine, with mull a doe. The law is not offended,! had no punlce, Nor in an aje.houfe,haue I made me drualce. The ftatute is not broke,! haue the skill, To drinke by law.then fay a* I fay (till.1 •
L*.S, To what extremes doth thii licentious time, • Hurry. rnHayed vouch.ner Gods nor Lawes, Whofc pcnnall fcourgei are inough to fauc Euen damned fiend s,can in tins loofer age Confine vnbouadcd youth, who durft prefume, To ftcalc my youths delight,my ages hope, Her fathers hey re, and the laft noble fterame, «• Ofa!lhcr%nccllori: fcircthfyorGodsorlawcj,
l.Ttt, I fay as you fay fiftcr ,but for the la wcs, There are Jo many, that men do ft and in awe, Ofnone at all ; take heed they fttale not you. Who wees a widdow with a faire full Moone Shall fu rely fpced,bcvvare of full Mooncs widdow, Will Sntat-fhxnkts has you r daughcer,no word but mum, My warrant you (hall haue when time (hall come.
L*£> Your warrant ? f.Tu. I ray warrant widdow, My warrant can ft retch far j no more but &, . Twill ferue to ketch a knaue.or fetch a Doe.
Enter Stntingmnn,
Srr, Heresa gentleman much dcfirous to fee you roadaoi.
Ltt.St. What is a for a man.
Ser. Nothing for a m an.but much for a bcaft, I chink e him 1 unatique/or a demands, What plate of his is ftirring t'the houfe, A calls your men his But!ers,Cookes,and Sec ward, Kifles your woman.and makes exceeding much Of your Coach-mans wife; /.r*. Then lie's a Gentleman,
for
fortis a true note of a gentlema,to make much of other men* vviues.bring him vp,a nrra,makei a much of your Coachmans wife, this geere will runne a whcclesthcn ftwrtly, A man may make much more of another mans wife.then a can do of *s owne.
L. S. How much brother fl.Tu. A man may make with cafe, A Punkc,a Child,a Baftard, a Cuckold, of another man$ wife all at a clap. And that is much Ithinke. Sir*. Thatsmv Lady,
Enter SerHtngmtM And Tbrote. Tin-, For that thou firft haft brought me to her fight, I here create thee Qarke a the Kitchiu , no man fliall beg it from thee.
Ser. Sure the fellowcs mad.
L.S. What would you fir ? I geffe your long profcffioo^ By ycur icantfuite :your habit feemes to turne Your in fide outward to me; y'are I thinke, Some Turner of the law. Tbr. Law is my liuing, And on th at ancient mould I wear e this outride, t> Suite vpon fuite wafts fome, yet makes me thriue, Firft law.lhen gold,then loue,and then we wiue.
7.7. A man of forme like me,but what's your bufinefic? Z^.Be briefegood fir: what makes this bold intiufion? Thr. Intrude,! do nor, for 1 know the la we, It is the rule that fquares out all our actions, Thofe a&ions bring in coyne,coynegets me friends, Your (bnne in law hath law at's fingers ends.
La. My /bnne in law. 76.Madame your fonne in law, Mot her I come, (be glad I call you fo) . To make a gentle breach into your fauour, And win your approbation of my choice, Your cherry-ripefweet daughter (fortnownd> For beauty, vert ue5ar.d a wealthy dowr«^ Ihaue efpoufd. £*.How?you cfpoufeiny daughter ?
Tbr. tJouerixt vniii£rf!f\ic lawes of heauen, Of nature,churcb,a"nd chance>hauc made her mine, Therefore ddiuer her by thefeprefems. / Tu, Hovy's this ? made her yours fir Nay we arc icticr'd fa^a well as you,
Jtatfc
'
KS.
Rtdae rttianemjtr au/tm rtgul*mt
Tkr, Ftmtm l*dtftcMttr*ir»n By (hie fame rule thefe lippes haue takes feazon/ Tut I do: all by ftatutc law and reafon,
Ka. rf cncc-you bale knaue you petty-foggin g groome Clad in ould cads and peccd with Brokcry, You wed my daughter/ / TV You fir t/imt>o-dextert ASumners lonne and learn' t in Norfolkc wiles, Some common baile, or Counter Lawyer, Marry my neccc'your halfc fleeues fhall not carry her,
T r. Thefe ftormcs will be d iflblu'd in teares of ioy, Mother I doubt it not: lufticc to you, That icrke at my halfe fleeuet, and yet your felfe, Do neuer weare but Buckcrom out of fight, A Flannell waft-coat or a Cauuis Trufle, A Hi ;f: of thrift, 1 vfe it : lets be friends, You know the law has trickei,kame,kaffheet Vuierit vtilitattthc mot to thefe halfe armcsf Carpus cujQcjuf* needes no bumbaftifig, We weare fnall hayre yet haue we tongue 4hd wit. Lawyers clofc-bvcecht hauebodies poliitick.
La, Sp«kc,anfwer me fir lack; ftole you my daughter, Tkr, 5nort tale to make I fingered haue your daughter: I haue tine liuery and feazoa of the wench. Deliuer her then.you know the Statute lawcs, Shee's mine without exception,barre or claufe t Come,come,reftore. L*. The fellow's mad Ithinke,
Thr. I was not mad before I married, But, »/>/«/*#» , what the *St may make me, That know I not./. T Fellows come in there. E»t. i, or j.fir. By this fir you confcfTc you ftola my Ncccc, And I attach you hcere of relloay : Lay hold on him : He make my Afittimm, Aad fend him to the layle .- haue we no barre Nor claufe eo hamper y ou,a way with him, Thofe cla wet fkall claw you to a barre of flume. Where thou (hilt (hew thy Goll.Ilc birre your claim^ If I be hjfieg Tmehin. Thr. Hindi oft you fliues, Oh ! fauour my Icrkia,though you tcarc my flcfli,
Ifct
•"•"f"" ' MERRT-TR/CKES.
I fct more Acre by that :
QyrcU (hall be hcard.and with a Certttrar*
He fetch her from you with a pox. Enter 'Etttxd,
^M.What's hecrc to do ? is all the wotld in arrow ? More tutnulcs^rawles.ani mfurrcdior.s, Is bloud the Thcame whereon our time muft treat,
Thr. Hecr's Bctrd your Butler .• a rcfcuc Tletrd ; draw,
'Sett. Draw ? not To ; my B lad's as ominoufly d t»wnc Vnto the death of nine or ten fuch gtoomcs, As is a knife vnfhcath'd with th'hungry rnaw» ;<
Threatning the ruine of a chine qf Rccfec B ut for the rcftleflc toilc it tookc of late, My blade fliall fleepe awhile.TA.Hclpe."5<r,Stop thy TttnMtt And hearc me fpcake, whofc bloody Ch ara&ers, Will /hew I haue bccne fcuffling .• briefly thus, Thy wife,yourdau2hteir,and yowrlouely Nccce, Is hun i'4 now to Irlcet- ttreet.thc dama'd crew With glaucs and clubs h»uc lapt her from thefe armcs, Throtte thou an bobd,altbough thou boughtft the MJyre, Yet hath the flaue made a re-entry.
I.TH. Sirra, what arc you? TTbr.My Ladies Butler fir.
BM. Not 1 by hcaueo. Tkr.By this good light be fwore it, And for your daughcet s loue he ran away.
Be*. By Inu I guld thec Tbroti. I.7«,More knauery yet. Lay hands on him, pinion them both, And guard them hence towards Fkct^reete^ome away.
"Sett. Muft we be led like thccues.and pinaiond walkc, Spent I my bloud for this ? is this my hyre ? Why then burne rage,fet Beard and nofe on fire'
I*«7*.On,onIfay, 7/&r.Iuaice,thc law (hall firke you.
inri. Scxna I.
W.5.On this one houre depends my hope* and fortunes, Footc I muft haue this widd 3 w : what fhou! d my Dad Make wkh a wife,that fcarcc can wipe bis nofc, Vnrtufle his point s^>r hold a Ch amber-pot Steddy till a piffe s 2 The doores are faft, ' Tit no'w the rnidft of night j yet ftall this chaine,
Procure actcfle and confere»ri4"»yhfi tfc fVha: thouohIche*^mff*h6rjskiJhie Though roihcfrfcvferall kind j,all ends In this, So they g«-gold,*ey ctre t»ot Whfcfett k\ Begging the Court.vfe bearei th« Citty out,
r "• ^"' "- ' -V.
So t
Th'cffe£ s afl oaCjand pooretiwi art but Ape* • ?- 'vn To imitate their becroi^hi; t*-t(l« dlfftrtrite, ' f'~ -'•' J • All great menifinaBMnu^ftittbihn-noredj ;,/ .7:. • dr. tiid. A')d pooremens viceiltrgrffyipontthcdf > »ai i /^' §r.:ni»trIT
Gold and rich ftnnej.wjiucoytft Jidi« ]oue
.re»aera,y«iueftiortle . With le c terj from mif %brr,I t»» urbzoughc herftones. '/ Jewels ind<:hain££*^a*:n*0Tfcranwri*W, ^< • -'.v tii^¥\aMla^4^lmi««awmiyor . -.V •;•' ( mV! .v.'[ ^
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Vcur father has cjOiccriiyau.nor will a tmRyM>, Begon^aft IdiewiflTyou hcoeB»W:5,£X»ft Jieiw^ V " By this good njeht,myFaO»etond-Jline^ie«}di^; • : <z- -"«'-. ! "•
' '
Inrroililfhinkcyoulcp-'ooueanhoacflnian, _. U u\~>i Had you once got a beard:!et me fee the cheine,
W.5. Dooft thinlce fyt&y tios »ift>f yf ^<«.< 3 loae her vvi th my ft>Ulc,lfccr i kcccr» Jv ;nv.-.'\ And t*hc:)Irwcfrf;nt harftom my richer/' -• " • » •» «t" Is fheabei(l!.t^*6\'Byna^veri»in»ty;'i'». '<:"'•'} -.- ' •ifrffti Shccis vf;card,»pd iead.y Jo ftpin/. -ii v. ji!ii':^'i;'.v r, iljfw :uc:A Betw! xt the fijcf t cs,lw^ -fewJU odaj»c,Ke'ntrn«» • i a i . . ; ; • i d -.'T wiaV
ifffA^i!-:
tl :.i . • •,.-v .-- ,. ^ C|fc
• ' -
Why fo' "
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1
Can .
And has no rtiony:fcocc fhoiUd flic keepe the thaiinr, And^ttttiw dowde.I ntiuft turn* cittiten^ . .'; r. • mi',,r. Be banckrout.and craue ihe Kings pfotefliorV- .V-IYj^ Buc.here Hie come* Zrf/.WlvK would ymgr, with frSjrii t-'Y 4.^r IMC. y^fc^POK..:;..^ o'-.f :* mvWtctquairfydu.wuh^ ...*V , \ ^ ou to let the clumtxr-maiie jhak« oft.
And fiand as Ccntifi«ll.r^.J: fhall npf hco^i .1 v i : I b*pe I haue not Utought bffVpfo iJU-f;! : y>-uil >i<.d ;.: • v But char, flic ksowcs hew «vcv>r.taUic you! f<cr<t»i :1 -.-, : • ?il /s well as I h|« Mnlrcflc >rfvpfcfoioqiMi,r!ii^ il< rP uoy •"« 'V
W^. I«i* no^ficforfdpch th«tl fltould oj^
<c-
Before (he leaue^ room«.v<«fc.titndt; indeed, . Jfierefore He waitc in the wkh-dri»(ing,r4o»icj r < j , i ^M
• '
Vpon my knees I' Jc crqepe vino yom l»p,
By Ladies ofgoodjqdgwcnttol&cca* • .— vf.'I b.'A
And OR their knees to;
Stand vpj more de£r«;
Tbeorringcand«?cpft^(#rtHK««l wifl9«mJ.w|4V •,- Of « I fay fland vpland i,ei n§Ag<*? y^Jbi,b<ift. ' ; rd r - ': v. r.< ' ,; .- A W.S. Forekerlct mcinfKJbCMfi^fV^^f0^1^* jV«r.oi>oT
Would yoo
Away you caft^crd yo.^gy.r&tfxrjbegoflJo.^rHe j«.i r!;r.H Docnot Ikno';^|f^aijfe«>ll?'0(;j?OU'*tl,.t :j- . :!57r.-.:ir«;C
: '-<:; rr T i ; :ac oT
Then you poorc rp^rJi^Bjf efe«pwg oo y6Vf,b$JIye%r t, c'j- And with all cyled lo^^^pifrtV^tc your ^ciincs,, • :. '%•: -:' H i .'
Before our beauties funne,wherc once but warme, like liatefull ftiakes youftrike vs with your flings,' And then forfake vf,I know your tricks,begon. W.S> Foote Ilefirtt be lung'd,nay ir'you go* You fliall leaue your fmock behindcyon widclow, ' Ke<;p; dofc your womanifli weapon,hold your tongue^ Nor fpcakc.cough/neexc or ftampe,for if you cloe, By this good blade He cut your throte dire&ly, Peace,ftirre not, by Hcauen He cut your throte If you but ftinc 5 fpcake not.ftand ItUl.go to. He teach coy widdowet a new way to woe. Come you fhall kifle, why fo.Ile (tab by Heauea •fyou but ttirre, now haerejfirtl kifle againe) .Vhy Ibj'Hrre not, Now come I to the point, My hopes are paft,nor can my prefent ftate, fctfoord a fingte half e-penny,my father . Hates me deadly ; to beg.my birth forbidf, To fteale,the law, the hang man,and the Rope 'With one conient deny : to go a truft, The Citty common-councell has forbad ie, Therefore my ftate is de/perate,(Urre nor, And I by much will rather choofe to hang, Then in a ditch or prifon-hole to flame, Re fol uc,w cd m e, an d take me to your bed. Or by my foule ' le Araite cut o ff your head, Then kill my felfe/or I had rather dye, Then in a ftrcct Hue poere and lowfily : Doe not 1 know you cannot loue my father. A widdow that has knownethe ?#«/ of things, Todoate vpon an old and crafed roan, That ftmkes at both ends, vvorfie then an elder pype, Who vf hen his bloud and fpirit are at the height, Hath not a member to hit pal (ic body. But it more limber then a Kings-head pudding Tooke from the pot halfe fod,ck> Inot know this ? Haue you not wealth enough, to feme vs both ? And am not 1 apritty handlomc fellow, To doe your dm Jgery,come,come,reibluea For by my bioad^f you deny your bed,
M
lie cut your throat-v.-nhour cquiuocation,
Jf you bepleafed hold vp your finger,if not
By heauenlle gar my why niard through your weombe,
Ift a match.T<»/.Here me bwfpeakc.W.S.Youle prate to loud.
Td/.Nb. w^-Nor/peake -one word againftmy honeft fute.
T*. No by my worth. .ip&Kffie vpon tint ahdfpeakr.
Taf, 1 darenot wtd:nwn fay y'are naught,youlc cheatc, And you do keepe a whore. JF.S.That is a lye, She keepes her felre and«ie,yet I prowft, , Shees not d i fhont ft. Ta. How could (he then maintaine yo%
ffS. Why by her commings rn,a little thing, Her friends haue lefr her ,which with putting to beft y fc, And often turning,yeelds her a poorc liuing, But what of that ; fhees now fhookcoff.to thee lie onely clcaue,) le be thy march an t, And to this wealthy faire.llc bring my ware, And here fct vp my landing 1 therefore reforue, Nought but my fword is It ft,ift be a match, Clap hands, contract and ftrake to bed, Jf not,pray,forgiue and ftraight goes off your head.
7*. I take thy loue. W.S.Then ftraite lets both to bed.
T/r. lie wed to morrow. W^.^.Youfhallnotfleepevpon't. An honeft contract is as good as marriage. A bird in hand you know the prouerbc widdow.
Taf. To let me tell thee,!k loue thee while I liur, For this attempt ,giuc me that lufty lad, That winnes his widdow with his well drawne blade, And not with oaths and words : a widdow s wooing* Not in bare words.but (hould confilHn dooing, I take thee to my husband, W.5. 1 thee to wife, Now to t hy bed ,and there weele end this ftrifc. Enter Sir O Inter *nd F idler i,
S.O.Wtrmc bloud.the yong mans flaue.the old mans God, Makes me fo ftirre thus foonc.it ft irs ifai t h, And with a kinde of itching pricks me on, To bid my bride ta*» Iwtr, O this defirc, Is euen another filtcht Premttkia*firvt By which we old men Iiue,pcrformance then, 1 thatspoorc old meos baine^that in old men t ' H 3 COOKS
Comes liming off more Jaro*Go<Jkflpivei then &«£ Which in a clote.a hot apdxiangf rous figh c, Has biadifnacmbred^nd craues by lecter pattcnw : Yet foarcc a woman that confider* thiy. Women hauetrjcks.fuke^and fartMnggale*.
A P.'H^rarirtn trethru fiilt,-,r T.W.:)^. ^^
And ail moft hoaeft where they want the meinej To b< othcrwife. Tfccrcfbre He hauean eye, My widdow goes not oft to yif« kinsfolke* : By binh^g* a NiRr,y,an<J that I know, ts not in Londoq held the fuvJeft kipdrcd, ?J^I muft Jiwe wits and brai nc^comc on my friend*; - ^ Out with younool«Jandroo«,ail,%:,cofmirth. \
And a plealant fongto wake tht widdow.
f-^^ «rcw r- £"r'-^'^<MW^^'>* . . W.S.Muhu«ns,mmftrj!*,fcoMir4»|CSJ| :.:.,.-' : A For Gods loue Jcaue jrouj filchy fc[OflaKi(ro«oyjie j And get yeu gone.ihe widdow arid'oiy Icife/ Will fcamble out the Ihtlting ofthe ftuet? Without ypur tiyiificks \vfthauc no n*«d.$fj(idl#;S
^ariaotjman uke hi« astural^t!^! . . ,
.
For jrourfcraping, I Hiall wa/hyowgut-ftringf,, If you but,ftay a while; yet honelt iafc«lit. If youle l^t vs ha^e(:he wther cnfa u Th« widjo'w and lie fcoepe ti-.Tie.theie^/or yopr pmn«f*i r/< S.O. HOW.-J this ? will the widdovy-a^tyoukccpe ia»ej T Wrhittridc?whatquiddit;>-whatrcg4rei$th»? -, - J • A
- -, - •
My cafh^erd Sonne fpeake from the widdpwwdwmbc^ :- Aod I in hi j/hirt fy fi.r€.fhe u n^c ?hew> Ti*fofhcha3too3ce|^p;inforfi{tyr , ;
v
i*ocha3tooce|^p;inforfi{tyr , ;
/ ad now rcmoou«<hci chamber I wHl home, , v
mj .uraccl^wtfuDwmy be^rd, Eate cIouei.Eringqc^and ^nukc fome. Aquau«a
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To fwctscn bie«!i.,an4icpp€^»y wca»«<?.fr0m\«4mWing. Then Uke the monsihpf \JarcKoomcblHftrit7g it^ ' :d .» V Mifrythew'iddow^iikcrpihisfpfln^aH, ' .
, .
And then u quiet ara fucking Janibc, by the \n%> # vvill I tcft aU ni^ht,
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A« fcr my breah I bau* ctotcbm and deutfes," «, Ladies rankc breaths arc often healpt w'uh f picei* Enter Adrian j,j»d Mother ftraT»inghe*tbtt>
«Xi!r. Come ftra-w apacc,Lord fha!H neucr Jiu«i To walkc to Qiurehoa flowers. Otisfine, ; To fee a bride trip it td Ghart h fo lightly,' • • As if her new choppin'cs would fcornetobhiic *; l-'"1-^ A filly flower ?and now Iprctheetell me, What flower t bin keft tbob is likt ft to a woman .'
7$. A marvg«W Ithinke >/«*«.Why amarygoWf • ;
^, tiecaii'fc a little iicale makes it to if red, Anrfopenwid<)iisl«iuej. **•»•; -Th'artquitt Wide, ***
A marygold doth opea v/idc all day, And (huti moft dole at night ; 1 hope t hou knowfl> All wenches doe the contrary I but fiira, How does thy Vncleths old De^or, '
DooftthuikeheelcbcaBi&op;' W. O quefiionftft, , For ha? got him a young wifc,and Carried her, To Court already: but now I prethec fay, '\ *f Why will ihe window wed fo old altrrfghr, •
Why riches cannot giue h cr her dtKght.
txil6-. lijichci 1 hope caofeoi}? procure her one, Shall gioe her her tlelijjhrjthtmhe Diuell, That s it ifaith majfcf rf %v*i t kig gen t !<-,vomf n Line inaideifo long. A^Th^-y<^^d^>i^rV,Y6^rnft?tfe?v /f Married women quite hane fpoifcd the martcr, ' By hauing fecret fritfmls befides theii1 hi: jbands4 Forifthclc married wiues would be rotten: To haue but cine a ptcccjl thinkc in troth, : ^\ J'" '••*
There .would fc«dottitt*s«w) wgnftrfi '&, '• ' ' •••!--n;?A And till we get AQ ?(ft of padiarrKnt, ' Fort&atourfta^saredcfpeljtft '"'
. - ExterVlJitckerAHdConJlAMii Come ftraw apac^ 'Ci**,Sp hoho.Maiffe'r. Bim&ci , ' "
Cff».Introth ]^khb^nty^id•bfe^n«nho|rel^?|a7fl^p^;:i Thena«>«dA"ifc,or a1*6rta»tteT<)^fJfjv* J! ;t3i ^v>v-( At a fonday eu>ningA fie^Ai'efbutfiir ' :> Wby do you rife r«foo*^ f W.'tt fetthc^
Ct». The weaker you., you are forbid » widdow, And 'tis the fitihli'mg you will fall into,. Me thinkc$ a yong clcete *kind country Gentlewom»nK »> Thatncucrfaw Baboune$,Lyons,or Courtiers, . Might proouc a handfome wifc^ar what do you fay To aCittizcns'daughter.that ncuer was in loue With a Playcr.that ncuer learnt to dance, That ncuer dwelt nccrc any.Inne a Court, Might not (he in time proouc an honeft wife ? Faith take amaidc,and leauethc widdow,Maift« Of all meates I loue not a gaping Oyfter, (miftakev
Tibu God fpeed your workesfairemaides. ^r .You much Tisnoworke. B««. What then. Afr. A preparation To a workc fir. Bmv.Whac workc fweet Ladies ? Air. Why to a manage ? thacs a workc I thinke. B«n. How ? a preparation to a msriage, Ofwhomkmdmaidj.ofwhom? Air. And why kind mtldes? 1 hope you haue had no kindncflc at our hand To make ybu fay fo : but fur vndcrftand, That Sir O/;*frS«4/<r-/kwj^che noble Knight, - An d mifti cffe Tafat* the rich widdo w, i
Muft this day be couplcd,conioyncd,
Marricd.cfpoufcd, wedded .eon trailed,
Or as the Puritaine fayes,put together.
And fo fir,to the fluffing of our clean c fmocks,
Wee leauc you. Bo*. Married, and to day.
Diflcntion,ie*loufie,hate,beggery,
With all the dire cuentt which breed diflike
In nupttall bcds.attcod her bridcall ftcps,
Can TOWCS and othet,with futh proteHing action,
As if their hearts were (pit forth with their words,
As if thtir foule* were darted through thoir eyes,
Be of no more validity with women f
Haue I for her contem'd my fixed faet
Neglected my fai re hopcj,and fcorn'd the loue
Ofoeautious.vcrcuous^ndhonor'd Canftvtti*.
C«»- Maw workes it with my wifli : my hopes ate full. Bo*. And I ingag'd ray wort h, ind ven tur'd life
Oo yonder buffolnc facc,to h au c me n fcor nc,
And
1
MERRT-RJCKS. '
And poitt at my difgrxe / firftwM I !««« » llrtt I ' 1 heie lake my purfc.liu* thou to txtwr f«c. «J Better thus dye, then line Vivtottwriw.
Ct»* Aye me aceurtt * beJpe,hefpr >« wthet,pBWw*f » Curft be the day and hsurstbat gaue me breath, V;unhcr,murther :if anyGeixIcman Can hcarc my pla in t t,come forth and affift me.
W.S. What out-crye* caH me from my naked beo# V, ho calli ffroximo. fpeake here I am.
£«H. Good fir leaue your ftruggl ing and acting, Aoi helpc to faue the life of a dituedid man, CnclpeifyoubcCcncIctren. W S.Whit* here? Amaa hangd vp.and ail the nurtheret* gone? And at my door c,to Jay the guik on me. This plvevras made to p4«afm;cCktizeiuwwc<f Enter . And not to hang rphoncfl Gentlemen. fifti*.
T*f Where be chefe lazie knaues / fame raife the houfe, What meant the cry of mnthei ? Where's my loue ?
W, 5. Come /yi^//^,hcipe me to lament, Forfigf»e*arertopt,attdaUmy«W«ar«fpeflt. Thcfc clothes I oft haw feene,aye me my frietuJ* Purfue the rourtherer *,rajfe all the fireet .
Cm. It fliatt norri«ed,a fltrres.glue him breath.
W.S. Is there yet -Ife, J/»ww my deerc boy?
To loftthV fife,wh«» life WW new fcegun /
?#« Zcan a man had as good be hangd oucright, As to mdute »W« clapping ilham* »«> thy ff xc, Perfidious periur'd wom^whweVthv (hafflc ? How can thy modefty ferbeare to blufh, And knowft I know;in«e: ao adultrcrte ? ;HaW no:«hy Vo'wes ffade thee ray lawnrf! « jf« Before iheface of heaaen f where is thy fitamc / But why (pe^ce I af<fca«K to thec, whoftf?ce IsRecld wit
The cuflooie oahy fiflne fo hrfvtV ftw« I1 Women nott V4uA,iho«igh neiwl* (boh; rfl'otfenw, To breakc rhy vww tome,aiKl ft»a:ght to we<L " jyo«rtopc«»
i «
Or by tins light He triifle you vp againe; \Zeart raile on my wife, am I a rtinkerd, Or do I dote ? fpeake fuch another word, And vp you trufle againe.am I a ftinkerd ?
BOM. ThcJcnight your father is. ff,5.Why who denies it." He fupplanti thec,and \ fupplanted hirm C0me,cotne,yottfha}I be friends.comc forgtuc her* F >r by fbia light there is no remedy, Viilertc you will b:rakc you to my leautngs.
Con. R^l\er then h,lie hclpe you to a wife t Ritch.weli borne,and by fome accounted fairc, And 'or tbe worth of her Virginity, I Hare pref time to pa wne my honefty r • What fry you to Conftunti* Somerfieidt • /FjS.Do'ft know where ftie is boy? C»*. I do,fiay mere, If he but fweare to imbracc her conMant loue, lie fetch her to thjs place. W ,S, A fl>all do it boy,
Enter Sir1 Oliver *nd Fidltrt ;
AHiall do it,goc fetch her boy,foote my father, Stand too't now old wench,(land too't now. • • . . , ~l
S.O/. Now fredi and youchfull as the month of May, lie bid my Bride good morrow, Munitions on, Lightly, !ightly,and by my knighthood fpurrcs, . This yearc you (hall hauc ray protection, And yet not buyyour liucry coatesyour felueit Cod morrow Bride,fiefli,frefliias the month o£M*yt I come to kiffe thee on thy wedding day.
W. y.jSauing your tale fir, lie (he\v you how, Aprillfliowersfpring-May flower*, .1
So merrily fings the Cucko.v . uiua /{
Tlie truth t$,Ihaue] aide my knife aboxd, ' " . Ihewiddow fir is wedded. S.O/.Ha.^'.S.E^dad. Si^/.Mt W.S.Why my good father what fhould youdowith a wiftf Would you be crefted .'will you aeeds thruft your head In one of Vulcans HcJtrict^f will youj3crtortc> i . -•'. >'.\ 1 WeareaCitty cappc and a CoOi;< fijatncn?v !>! >.," .;..». i .'
S.O.Y»iJ»inc/l3JK,chou haft wrong'd "iy MifitaWtSjaoMVy Speakcmyj;oodw?nch,hauc I not done thee right, ' t
T*f. I nii4no faulr,and Jpfotcft.S/f.CW*!«y
V Td
I'd net hauc loft the lafl two hourcsflecpe,
I had by him.for all the wealth you haue.
^ £.O/.Villainc flaue.Ilc f:ang theeby the ftatute,
Thou haft two w iues. W.S.Bc not fb furious fin
I hauc but this,the other wa*my whore,
\V hich'now is married to an honeft Lawyer.
S. Ol. Thou villaine flauc thou haft abuf d thy father.
Ben. Your fonnc iftith.your very fonne ifaith, The villsinc boy has one trickeofhis'/irc, Has firkt away the wench,has pierft the hogfhead, Andknowcsby thisthcvintadgCi 5,O/.lamTndone.
BOH. You could nos ioue the widdow but her wealth,
S.Ot. The dcuill take my foule but I did Ioue her.
T<«/ That oath doth fhcvv you are a Northcn Knight,. And of all men a iiuc,Ile neuer truft, ANorthcn man in loue-S.O/. And why?and why fluu
T>/. Becaiife the firtl word he fpeakcs is the Diuell Take his jfoul*,»nd who will ginc him truft, • That once has giuen his foule vnto the DiueU, .
rr.S, She fayes moft true fathcr.the fcule once g<J*b "'
If the beft part of a man is gone,
The reft of the body is not worth a ruth,
Though it bc-ne're fo handfoine. •
^<*.S Bring them aA-ay.W.S.How now? #y '-^awiyftY p&jpo d,1 begin to flmke • "Already.! '.S.C'icatcr my daoghter.W.S.Shce's mad.
Thr. My wife fir.my wife. W.S.Thei'rc mad,flarke mad, I am fbrry fir you haue loffthbfe happy wits '
By which you liu'd fo well. The ay re growcs cold, Therefore He take my leaue.L^,So.So Stay him officer*, Sir'tis not your ttickesof wit can carry it. Officers attach him,and this Gentleman, For Mealing away tny heirc jf.S.You do me wiong, Zart I neuer faw your hcirc/TT&r.That'sa lye,1 ., ;
You floleher.and by chancel married her.
V.S.God giue you ioy fir. T/fer.AsketheButkfcKe, Theicfofcwiddpwwrle»fcmc,forbynoJaw, .., • L
i:-':'r 1 1 Statoite
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I
—
Statute or bookc cafe,- £ damr.it Sec#n 'i nor by the Statute Of 7>«rf frw Hmrictftxri, Nor by any booke cafe o(Jeeimt Of the late Qweene,am I acccflarie, Part, or party confcdcratr,abrttcr, Hclperjfecondrr.perfwader/orwarder, Principall or memtainer of this late theft i But by Jaw, I forward,and fhee willing, Clapt vp the match, and by a good Statute Of "DtciMt ttrtio Ricfartli <j»*rti, She is my leefull, lawful], and my ttue Married wife, tefie Utftctmnt EtarA.
W S. Who Hues, would thinkc that you could prate fb faft, Your hands being bound behind you.footc a talkcs With as much eale as if a were in's Hurt. SO/. I am witnefle thou hadft the hcire. 7.T*.So am T. T&r. Andfo:smy manDJi "Sm Heciemebut ^>cakr, Sit you as Iudges,vnc>oc the t iwyeri hands* That a may fteely a£\,and He be bound That WMitm $m*lfi»\H*(S uiaiJ put your Tbrotte to filence/ And ouer-tbro w him at his owne weapon.
lu.Tu. Agreed,take each his place,and h: ere the cafe Argued betwixt them two. Om. Agreed, agreed. I.TM. Now Tkrttt or neuer,ftretch your felfe.7"Ar,Feare not W. V. Here (laud I for my client,this Gentleman. ; Tbr.l for the widdow. fwS.Begin. TAr.Righc worflMpTuH
I fay that Willitm Smal-fhtnkt mad-man,
Is by a Statute made in Ottauo
Of T(iclard Cordelnn. guilty to the law
Of fellony,ror Real ng this Ladies heire,
That a tfole her,the proofeii moft pregnant,
He brought her zo my houfe.confeft himfelf e,
A made great meant? to fteale her,! like her.
(And Mudiog him a nouice) truth to tell,
Married her my felfe,and as I laid,
By a Statute Ricbtrdi 9**rtt,
Shee is my lawtuH wife. W.S. For my client^
I fay the wench brought vino your houic,
Wu
Was nor. the daughter to rich Stmerftldl
S.O. What proofe ot that? w. J.Tfais gcnd«nan.7».Toi W Hee is a party in the caufc,bur fir, ]f t were not the daughter to this good w iddow, Who was it ? anfwer that, ITJ An airtnt wboee Which you haue marned,and (he is runne Away w i tH all your le wels , this is true : And this Lieutenant 'Bturd can t eftifie, Twas the wench I kept in Hofier- lane,
3?M. What was it ihee ? tv S.The rery fame. 7.r« Sp«akefirra#r4r4ifaUhrfayesbemie. #M. Sbec faid (he v»«s a Punke^ Rampant who*, VVnich in her time had bccne the caufe of j «ting Some fourcteene bawdes j he kept hei in the Suburbs, Yet I do thinke this wench was nor the fame. ^
fl«».Tbecafei»cleere>wiihnie. O*».Oftrange. T»3vf9* . This is not true, how liu'd you in the Suburbs, And fcapt fo many fearches / V V.S. I anfwer, ThatmoftConftiblesinout-panflies .
Are bawdes themfclnes j by which we fcapt the fearcbe ». &O/.This is moft ftrange. L*£. What's become pi this v»e^ 3w.ThatknownotI. As I was fquiring her (w&f>
Alongthcftrcete,MaifterS»«M/^>4»»^*fetvponme, ^ Beate me downe,and tooke away the maide, Which 1 %pofe was daughter to she widdow. *^.S. A lyes^et mebe htngdif alye not. S.O/ Wnatconfufionisttos. C«».pringtbe«rbrwar«» Godprefcrue your wotfliip. And it like youMaddarn, We were commanded by our deputy, ^ hat it we tooke a woman in the watch, To bring her ftraighttoyou. And hearingtherc .Youwcrccomeheiher,netherwebrowgbtthena» _ '^ '
*.Ct. The one is my ionne,! doe acknowledge him, What woman's that. T.S. The widdowes daughter fir.
W.S.Bloudisheguldto. T^.My brother flole her firft, • Tkrotecoozend him,and I had coozneti Tfa*tt Had not the Conftable tooke vs in the watch, Shce «i the widdowes daughter,harf I h.^d luck.
cfpoufcd wife, £*.S.Vuroa*keher£u», • I 3 My
My daughter I dcfic her. W.S. Your worfhips wife,'
Tt)r. \ am guld and abiifM,and by a Suture O,f Tricejfimo of the late Qj/"cnc, I will Star-chamber you a!! for coofonag e, And be by hw diuorlh W.S. Sir twill n>-t !io'd, Shct's your leefull.la'.vrull.and true wedded wife, Tc/tf LicftcMjHt 'Fe&d. #M.Waft you that brake my head ? W.S. But why fhou'dft thinke much to dye a Cuckold, B.-ingborncaKnauc f 35 good Lawyers as you Scornc not homes. Thr. I am guld,ayc me accurft ! Way fhould the harmlcfle man be vest with Kernes* When wo.Ticnmoft dcfcru?them? W.S.IIcfhcwyoufir, The husband is the vviues head,and I pray Where fliould the homes ftand but vpon the head: Why wert not rhou begot (thou foolifh knaue) By a poore Sumner,on a Scrgiants widdow? Wert not thou a Puritane,ind put in truft To gather rclcefe for the ditlrcflod Gcncx*, And didfl not thou Icauc thy poorc brctlicren, Andjunnc away with all the money,f^eake, Was not that thy fir(t riling? go, ' Y'are well coupled by foHtyee are.rheis Bma yongerfi(tcT,neAlycometotownf, Shee's currant mertle,not a penny the wotfc For a little vfe, whole within the Ring, By my foulc. Bca. Will a take her thiufcft thou ? Bau. Yes faith,vpon hcrpromifeof amend. nent. I.Tut. The Lawyer is guld. Thr. Am I thus ouer-reach'd,to haue a wife, And not of the beft neither ? Fr^.Good lir be content, A Lawyer fhould make al! things right and flraighr, All lyes but in thehandling.I may proouc A wife that (hall defcrue your belt of loue.
S,O/. Take her 7%r»w,you hatic a better iewcll now Then cuer,kiffeher,k'.flrcherman,aU friends.
L.f4.Yet in this happy clofe,! ftillhaucloft My oncly daughter. W,S. Wher's thy Page Bouteher ?
COH. Here I prcfent the Page : and that all doubts, May hcerc be clcerd, heerc'b my proppcr (hapc,
! Thai
That all your ioyes may beecomplcat and full,
I muft make onCjVvith pardon gentle mother,
Since all our friends fo happily arc met,
Here -will I choofe a husband : t,his be the man,
Whom fincc I left your houfe in fliape of Page,
I Mill haue followed. W.S.Fbot would Jhad knowne fb much*
I would hauc beene bold to hauc lainc with your page.
CM. Say am 1 welcome. "Bott. As is my life and foulc,
L<t,S. Hcaucn giue you ioy, Since all fo well fucceed^take my confenti
W.S. Then are we all pair d,l and my lafle, You and your<«wre,thc lawyer and his wench, And father fall ydu abordeof the widdow, But then my brother. T.S.Faithlamafoole. -
W.S, Thats all prie; If God had not made Some elder, brother* foole$,how Hiould witty Yonger brothers be oiaihtain'd, • Strike vp Mufick, lets hauc an old fi>ng, Since all my trick's haue found fo- good fucccCfc VVccIe fingjdanccjdicejand drinkc downehcauinefliiu
!
Epitogus.
"I" Hut tiff- ln*ret font brought to f W, •*• *k<tt main ttdb*i ha lie i htuto ft»<t, A tUrtf HOI glorj nor ibftrvfl* "But he (4t othtf writert mtft ) Submits the ce*f*rtt ffJxsP4i*tt. To tboft ffkofowttMidHUHMo briimtt Art able beft t» outgo : **4 Mforfomtj WhofU'd with mttltfijtithereomt To belclt thtir ftyfon on bit l^onr, Ofibfn hi doth ktrett »o ftttottr, But htdt thtm b.vt(torfot '
A*dforo*rftliuii>nd9tdtfrt> ; To»k brttth on vt tb*t£re»i»£firf, vktcb ut timt veo m*) obt*t*tt
Ffr \n« *3*fd o*r lo*ti Tf tyuU tbtir s, if
FINIS.
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