THE
COMPLETE WORKS
OF
SAMUEL ROWLANDS
1598-1628
VOLUME FIRST
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PREFATORY NOTE.
IN completing for the Members of the HUNTERIAN CLUB the firft collected edition of the Works of SAMUEL ROWLANDS, the Council begs to thank the Right Hon. the EARL OF ELLESMERE, Mr. S. CHRISTIE-MILLER, and Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER for lending for reproduction or collation the very rare, in fome cafes unique, originals in their poffeffion. The Council would alfo exprefs its grateful fenfe of the help which in this refpe<5l it received from the late Mr. HENRY HUTH.
The principle fteadily kept in view in the repro duction of the feveral pieces now brought together has been to preferve, as far as could be done with a uniform type, the appearance and character of the originals. The typographical ornaments, initial letters, and woodcuts have been given in fac- fimile, while the fame exact nefs has been followed in the text, which has been rendered page for page, line for line, and word for word. Mifprints have therefore been retained, but a number of thefe will be found corrected in the Notes and Gloffary, while others are too obvious to require explanation, further than the remark that they are not due to the modern printer, whofe part has been done with judgment and fkill.
Excepting in one or two cafes the tracts have been reprinted from Firft Editions, as a rule, confidered by bibliographers more valuable than later impreffions. ROWLANDS is one of the very few amongft the many writers of his time whofe works had an extraordinary popularity. To meet this popular demand they were frequently re printed, in fome inftances with additional matter.
i
PREFATORY NOTE.
The textual differences between the firfl and fub- fequent editions it has not been thought neceffary to point out in detail. Setting afide the monetary outlay this would have involved, without any corre- fponding advantage, there was the almoft infuperable difficulty of accefs to the rare and widely fcattered originals. The additional matter, however, it is be lieved, has been all included with the " Mifcellaneous Poems."
Although Sir WALTER SCOTT'S fhort fketch of ROWLANDS and his Works — which will be found em bodied in the Bibliographical Index — might poffibly have fufficed, it was thought that one more extended would be appreciated. The Council therefore afked Mr. EDMUND W. GOSSE to write an Introductory Memoir, and it will be underftood that he was left entirely free to form his own unbiaffed eftimate of ROWLANDS' place in our early literature.
The Notes and Gloffary by Mr. SIDNEY J. H. HERRTAGE will be found helpful in explaining many of the more obfcure words and phrafes in ROWLANDS' text. They might have been confiderably increafed, but there was lefs need for this as many admirable parallel helps are now acceffible to the fludent.
As a matter of bibliographical intereft, it may be ftated that only Two Hundred copies have been re printed, exclufively for Members of THE HUNTERIAN CLUB, with ten additional copies for prefentation by the Council.
GLASGOW, July, 1880.
CONTENTS OF VOL. I.
MEMOIR ON SAMUEL ROWLANDS, by EDMUND W.
GOSSE, . . . . . . .12 leaves.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX, . . 23 do. THE BETRAYING OF CHRIST. IVDAS IN DE-
SPAIRE, 1598, . . . . 30 do.
• THE LETTING OF HVMOVRS BLOOD IN THE
HEAD-VAINE, 1600, . . 43 do.
* 'TIS MERRIE WHEN GOSSIPS MEETE, 1602, . 23 do. GREENES GHOST HAVNTING CONIE-CATCHERS,
1602, . . (26 dc^
, LOOKE TO IT: FOR, ILE STABBE YE, 1604, 24 do.
HELL'S BROKE LOOSE, 1605, . . 24 do. A TERRIBLE BATTELL BETWEENE TIME AND
DEATH, [1606?], ... 22 do.
DIOGINES LANTHORNE, 1607, . 24 do.
« HVMORS LOOKING GLASSE, 1608, 16 do.
MEMOIR
ON
SAMUEL ROWLANDS
MEMOIR
ON
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
N an age when the newly-awakened tafte for letters had fuddenly thrown open to men who could wield a pen every door that led to the arena of literary publicity, SAMUEL ROWLANDS made lefs effort than moil of his contemporaries to gain the plaudits of the cultivated, or to fecure the garland of lafting fame. His name appears in no lift of honoured poets in his own generation; in the next, his writings found no editor, and his life no biographer. He comes down to us merely as a voluble pamphleteer, of whofe nume rous works fome are altogether loft, and others, be come nearly unique, are purchafed by the curious at fuch prices for a fmgle copy as the author never made by a whole edition. Of the minor mafters of the Greek ftage, of Ion or of lophon, we have plentiful record, though their works are gone; but in the cafe of the leffer ftars of the Elizabethan galaxy the work of oblivion has been reverfed — we have their works, but not the record of their lives. In no cafe has hiftory been more perfiftent in filence
MEMOIR ON
than when fummoned to give us news of SAMUEL ROWLANDS. Of almoft every other writer we have fucceeded in difcovering fomething; but of him no thing. We do not know when he was born, or when he died, whether he was a fcholar of either univerfity, whether he had taken orders, or whether he had married a wife. It is left to us, therefore, as to thofe who map the heavens, to draw an approximate outline of his life by the conjunction of thofe works or ftars that form his conftellation. They are very numerous, they extend over a period of thirty years, and they give fome, but very flight, internal evidence of their author's personality.
In all probability SAMUEL ROWLANDS was born foon after 1570. We may roughly conjecture that 1573, the year that faw the birth of Donne and of Ben Jonfon, faw his alfo. Should this be correct, he was from fix to eighteen years younger than the five famous friends in whofe fteps he was to walk, with a gentler, tamer tread than theirs. When he was about ten years old, Lodge, Peele and Greene began to write, and it was not long before Nafh and Mar lowe joined the company of the penners of love- pamphlets. Thefe men, united rather by their pro fligate habits than any innate fimilarity of genius, were among the firft profeffional men of letters in England. Lodge and Greene began as Euphuifts, at the feet of Lyly ; they were drawn by the example of Nafh into the practice of fatire, and into the compilation of catch-penny pamphlets on paffing
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
events. They very quickly ran through their brief careers, and had already died or retired from public life before ROWLANDS began to write. But their in fluence had been immenfe; they had inaugurated a new epoch in popular literature; and though the main current of fuch writing proceeded to flow in the channel of the drama, they ftill counted their followers in the younger generation. Of thefe followers ROWLANDS, and fifteen years later Braith- wait, were the moft important, and to both of thefe authors, entirely neglected for more than two cen turies, public intereft has of late returned. That either the one or the other was a writer of much merit, or deferved in any ftri6t fenfe the name of poet, may eafily and fafely be denied, but neither lacks that quality of force that renders an author worthy of more than mere antiquarian attention.
Like Drayton, and other fecular poets of that age, ROWLANDS commenced his career with a volume of devotional pieces. The Betraying of Chrift, which bore the more apt fub-title of Poems on the Paffion, appeared in 1598, and went through two editions within that year. We have gueffed the age of the author at twenty-five, and certainly the ftyle of his verfes gives us no fign of precocity or extreme youth. The poems are indeed remarkably fmooth, with the even grace and monotonous polifh of a writer to whom the art of verfe prefents no difficulties and contains no furprifes. They are compofed in an heroic ftanza of fix lines, rime royal with the fifth
MEMOIR ON
line omitted, and this form, one of the fimpleft that can be devifed, remained a favourite with ROWLANDS until he ceafed to publifh. But it was not with nervelefs paraphrafes of the New Teftament that he was deftined to catch the popular ear. In 1600 he produced two works which greatly extended his reputation, and made him, if not famous, at leaft widely notorious. The firft of thefe, entitled A Merry Meeting, or tis merry when Knaves meet, was fuccefsfully fuppreffed by the authorities, and has only come down to us in an expunged edition of 1609. It was fo offenfive in its perfonality, fo acrid in its fatire, that it was ordered to be burned publicly, and in the Hall Kitchen of the Stationers' Company. A month later the poet hurried through the prefs another collection, Tlie Letting of Humour s Blood in the Head Vaine, and this has fortunately come down to us in at leaft four copies. It is a very creditable production, full of the animation of the time, with none of its pedantry, and a little of its genius. The greater part of the book is occupied with fmall fatirical pieces, called Epigrams, defcribing, mainly in the fix-line ftanza, thofe fantaftic figures of the day which the poets delighted to caricature. Thefe are very well written, clear, pointed, and even, never rifmg to the incifive melody of a great poet, but never finking below a fairly admirable level, while for the ftudent of manners they abound in piclurefque detail and realiftic painting. The following lines from an addrefs to the poet's contemporaries, ftripped
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
of their antique fpelling, give a fair notion of the modern tone of the book, and its eafy elegance : —
" Will you fland fpending your invention's treafure To teach ftage parrots fpeak for penny pleafure, While you yourfelves, like mufic-founding lutes, Fretted and ftrange, gain them their filken fuits? Leave Cupid's cut, women's face-flattering praife, Love's fubjecl: grows too threadbare nowadays, Change Venus' fwans to write of Vulcan's geefe, And you mall merit golden pens apiece."
The diflike of the theatre here fo ftrongly expreffed continued to the laft, and ROWLANDS feems never to have been tempted to try his Ikill in the lucrative field of the ftage. It is not improbable that his facile pen and experience in the humours of low life would have enabled him to develop a comic talent which might have ranged between that of Dekker and that of Hey wood; but he would have miffed the tendernefs of the former, and the flowery fancy of the latter. The end of the volume called The Letting of 'Humour 's Blood is compofed of fatires in the Roman ftyle, in heroic couplets. Here again ROWLANDS fhows rather his quicknefs in feizing an idea than his faculty for originating one, fmce the trick of writing thefe pieces had been invented by Lodge in 1595, and had been imitated by Hall, Guilpin and Marfton before ROWLANDS adopted it. He is, however, in fome refpefts the fuperior of thefe preceding writers. In all probability he was not, as they were, men of any clafiic learning, and he was
MEMOIR ON
feduced by no defire of emulating Perfius into thofe harfh and involved conftructions which make the fatires of Donne and Marfton the wonder of gram marians.
The early works of ROWLANDS gave promife of much greater attainment than their author ultimately achieved. His fourth book, ' Tis Merry when Goflips Meet, publiflied in 1602, is an admirable piece of comedy, bright, frefh, and limpid, and compofed in a ftyle only too dangeroufly fmooth and rapid. It opens with a fine tribute to Chaucer, " our famous reverend Englifh Poet/' and proceeds to give a valuable piece of contemporary manners in a con- verfation between a gentleman and a bookfeller, in profe. The gentleman has no tafte for new books; he prefers the old ones. He fays, " Canfl help me to all Greene's Books in one volume? But I will have them every one, not any wanting." The modern book-hunter ftarts at the idea of a volume containing all Greene's works in the original quartos; even the bookfeller of 1602 finds that he has fome half-a-dozen lacking. Then the gentleman is urged to buy a book of Nam's, but he has it already; at laft he is per- fuaded to buy the very poem to which this conver- fation is a preface, and we are interefted to learn that he pays fixpence for it, lefs than one-thoufandth part of the fum that would be afked to-day for a clean copy. The poem is in ROWLANDS' ufual fix- line ftanza, but it is fingular among his works as being in a dramatic form. It is in fact a dialogue
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
between a Widow, a Wife, a Maid, and a Vintner. The Widow meets the Wife, whom fhe has not feen for a long time, outfide a tavern, and while they ftand talking the Maid goes by. The Widow flops her, and vows that they muft all three drink a glafs to gether before they part. The Wife and the Maid obje<5l, but their objections are overruled by the boifterous joviality of the Widow, who drags them into the tavern. They are fhown upftairs into a private room, and the Vintner brings them claret. Over their wine they difcufs old times and their pre- fent fortunes in a very humorous and natural way. The Widow is a coarfe, good-humoured woman, full of animal fpirits, and ftill rebellious with the memory of her red-haired hufband, who ufed her ill; the Wife, on the other hand, praifes her hufband, an eafy foul who lets her have her way; the Maid talks very little at firft, but as fhe warms with the wine, fhe defcribes the fort of hufband fhe means to have. Prefently they nnifh the claret, and the Wife and the Maid wifh to go, but the Widow will not hear of it, but bids the Vintner burn fome fack and fry fome faufages. Over this feaft they linger a long while goffiping, till the Maid has burning cheeks, and the Widow becomes indifputably drunk. She talks fo broadly that the Vintner's boy laughs, and then fhe becomes extremely dignified, infifling on an apology. In the end fhe patronifes the Vintner, and makes him drink with them; and when at laft her friends
rife to go, fhe infifts on paying the whole reckoning.
B
MEMOIR ON
It will be feen that the poem has no plot, and that the contents are very flight; but the workmanfliip is admirable, and the little realiftic touches combine to form an interior as warm and full in colour as any painted by Brouwer or Oftade. It is one of the beft ftudies of genre we poffefs in all Elizabethan litera ture. 'Tis Merry when Gqffips Meet went through at leaft feven editions before the end of the century. Simultaneoufly with this humorous poem, ROW LANDS publifhed, in 1602, a collection of profe ftories of fmart cheating and cofening under the title of Greenes Ghoft Haunting Coney catchers, adopting this popular name to attract public notice. As a catcher of rabbits, or conies, trades upon the flupidity of his victims, fo it was reprefented by the pamphleteers of the day that knaves took advantage of the credulity of fimple citizens, and hence the popularity of a title that Greene had invented, but which found a fcore of imitators. ROWLANDS' tales are lively, but for us the main intereft of the book centres in its preface and in its addrefs to the reader, in which ROWLANDS comes forward diftmc~lly as a pamphleteer, difclaiming any pretenfion to learning or an ambitious ftyle. From this time forth he appears folely as a caterer for the frivolous and cafual reader, and demands notice rather as a journalift than as an author. His little books are what we fhould now term focial articles; they anfwer exactly to the "middles" of our beft weekly newfpapers. Our curiofity is ex cited by the lapfes in his compofition, and we wonder
10
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
how fuch a man fubfifted in the intervals between the publication of his works. His familiarity with the book-trade, and his cunning way of adapting his titles and fubjects to the exact tafte of the moment, fuggeft that he may have found employment in one of the bookfellers' fhops. In this connection we turn in hope of confirmation to the. imprints of his volumes, but in vain. He publifhed with a great variety of bookfellers, and rarely more than twice with the fame. From 1600 to 1605 he was, how ever, in bufmefs with William White, in Pope's Head Alley, near the Exchange, and for ten years his tracts were fold by George Loftus, in Bifhopfgate Street, near the Angel. As Loftus would feem to have fucceeded White, or to have removed from his employment into a feparate bufmefs, it is within the bounds of legitimate fpeculation to guefs that ROW LANDS fpent fifteen of his bufieft years in the employ ment of thefe City bookfellers.
In 1604 he publifhed, under the fenfational title of Looke to it, or /'// Stab You, a frefh collection of fatirical characters in verfe, in form and fubftance precifely like the epigrams in his Letting of Humour s Blood. His ftyle had by this time reached its higheft refinement and purity, without the flighteft trace of elevation. The character of the Curious Divine forms a good example of his fluent and profaic verfe : —
" Divines, that are together by the ears,
Puffed up, high-minded, feedfmen of diffention,
ir
MEMOIR ON
Striking until Chrifl's feamlefs garment tears,
Making the Scripture follow your invention, Neglecting that whereon the foul mould feed, Employed in that whereof fouls have no need.
Curious in things you need not flir about,
Such as concern not matter of falvation, Giving offence to them that are without,
Upon whofe weaknefs you mould have companion, Caufing the good to grieve, the bad rejoice, Yet you, with Martha, make the worfer choice,
I'll flab you!"
From this time forward every year faw one, at leaft, of his facile productions. In 1605 it was Hell's Broke Loofe, one of the pooreft things he ever wrote, a mean kind of epic poem in his favourite fix-line ftanza, on the life and death of John of Leyden. In the fame year he returned to his firft love, and pub- limed A Theatre of Divine Recreation, a collection of religious poems, founded on the Old Teftament. This book, which was in exiftence as late as 1812, has difappeared.
The bed of all ROWLANDS' works, from a literary point of view, is the rareft alfo. A Terrible Battle between Time and Death exifts only in a Tingle copy, which has been bound in fuch a way that the imprint and date are loft. There is little doubt, however, that the latter was 1606. The dedication is odd; ROWLANDS infcribes his book to a Mr. George Gay- wood, whom he does not perfonally know, but who has mown more than fatherly kindnefs to a friend of the author's. We wonder if the "friend" may have
12
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
been the author's wife, by a concealment not un precedented in that age, and Mr. Gaywood her god father or patron. At any rate, fome fmgular chain of circumftances feems hinted at in this very cryptic dedication. The poem itfelf contains the beft things that ROWLANDS has left behind him. It opens in a moft folemn and noble ftrain, with a clofer echo of the auguft mufic of the tragic Elizabethans than ROWLANDS attains anywhere elfe.
" Dread potent Monfter, mighty from thy birth, Giant of ftrength againft all mortal power, God's great Earl Marfhal over all the earth, Taking account of each man's dying hour, Landlord of graves and tombs of marble ftones, Lord Treafurer of rotten dead-men's bones,"
thus Time addreffes Death, whom he has met wandering over the world on his dread miffion. But Death cannot flay to talk with him; he has to mow down proud kings and tender women, gluttons and atheifls and fwaggering bullies, all who live without God, and take no thought of the morrow. Yet Time beguiles him to flay awhile, fmce, without Time, Death has no lawful right or power, and fo they agree to converfe together while half the fand runs through the hour-glafs of Time. Their conver- fation deals with the obvious moralities, the frivolity of man, the folemnity of eternity, the various modes in which perfons of different cafls of character meet the advent of death. The dialogue is dignified, even where it is moft quaint, and the reader is reminded
MEMOIR ON
of the devotional poetry of a later time, fometimes of Herbert, more often of Quarles. But ROWLANDS has not the ftrength of wing needed for thefe moral flights; his poem becomes tedious and then grotefque. At the clofe of Time's pleafant converfation with Death, they fall out, and the latter, who prides him- felf on his perfonal beauty, is extremely difconcerted at the rudenefs with which Time compares his arm and hand to a gardener's rake, and his head to a dry empty oil jar. After thefe amenities the reader pre pares for that " terrible bloody battle " promifed on the title-page, but he is difappointed, for the pair make up their quarrel immediately, and proceed to gether to their mortuary labours.
The year 1607 was one of great literary activity with ROWLANDS. He publifhed no lefs than three books, though, fmgularly enough, we poffefs the firft edition of but one of thefe. A work of 1607, of which the firft edition has been loft, is Dottor Merrytnan, a feries of bright fallies in verfe, de- fcribing and ridiculing the popular affectations or " humours " of the day. In this book a flight change of tone is apparent; the fun becomes broader, the ftyle more liquid, and ROWLANDS reminds us of a writer the very oppofite of an ordinary Eliza bethan, namely Peter Pindar, and fometimes of the younger Colman. That the fmartnefs and voluble wit have not entirely evaporated yet ac counts for the immenfe popularity enjoyed by fuch a work as this when it was new; yet fuch writing
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
can hardly be admitted to a place in literature. Another humorous volume of 1607, Six London Gojfips, has abfolutely difappeared, and the only firft edition of that prolific year which we ftill poffefs is Diogenes' Lanthorn. In 1591 Lodge had ufed the name of Diogenes for the title of a profe fatire, and ROWLANDS' is but a feeble copy of that quaint and witty book. Lodge brings out the venom of Dio genes in a dialogue, ROWLANDS makes him foliloquife, and after his cynical monologue in the ftreets of Athens, abruptly drops his hero, and clofes the volume with a feries of fables, put into eafy popular verfe with his cuftomary facility.
In The Famous Hi/lory of Guy, Earl of Warwick he mowed very plainly the limitation of his powers. This poem, printed in 1608, as if in heroic couplets, but really in the fix-line ftanza, was fpoken of by Mr. Utterfon as a travefty, intended to bring chivalric literature into ridicule, but this was entirely a miftake. Nothing could be more ferious than the twelve heavy cantos of ROWLANDS' tedious romance, which feems to have been written in imitation or emulation of Fairfax's Taffb^ publifhed a few years earlier.
The year 1608 alfo faw the publication of Hu mour's Looking-Glaffe, a collection precifely fimilar in character to The Letting of Humour s Blood. As before, we find no fpark of poetic fancy, but plenty of rhetorical (kill, a pi6lurefque and direct ftyle, and much defcriptive verve. The boaftful traveller was a frequent and favourite fubject with the poets of
MEMOIR ON
Elizabeth; he was a product of their fliowy and grandiloquent age, and, while they laughed at his bravado, they were half inclined to like him for his impudence. But not one of them has drawn his portrait better than ROWLANDS has in Humour s Looking- Glaffe : —
" Come, my brave Gallant, come, uncafe, uncafe ! Ne'er (hall oblivion your great a<5ls deface : He has been there where never man came yet, An unknown country, aye, I'll warrant it ; Whence he could ballafl a good (hip in hold With rubies, fapphires, diamonds and gold, Great orient pearls efleemed no more than notes, Sold by the peck, as chandlers meafure oats; I marvel, then, we have no trade from thence? ' Oh ! 'tis too far, it will not bear expenfe.' 'Twere far, indeed, a good way from our main,
If charges eat up fuch exceflive gain.
#*#***
I heard him fwear that he, — 'twas in his mirth, — Had been in all the corners of the earth ; Let all his wonders be together ftitched, He threw the bar that great Alcides pitched; Yet he that faw the Ocean's fartheft flrands, You pofe him if you alk where Dover (lands."
It would be difficult to quote a more favourable example of ROWLANDS' verification, and there are lines in this paffage which Pope would not have difdained to ufe. It might, indeed, be employed as a good argument againft that old herefy, not even yet entirely difcarded, that fmoothnefs of heroic verfe was the invention of Waller. As a matter of fac"l,
16
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
this, as well as all other branches of the univerfal art of poetry, was underftood by the great Elizabethan matters; and if they did not frequently employ it, it was becaufe they left to fuch humbler writers as ROWLANDS an inftrument incapable of thefe noble and audacious harmonies on which they chiefly prided themfelves.
In 1609, unlefs I am wrong in my conjecture that the Whole Crew of Kind GoJJips of that year was but a new edition of the Six London GoJJips of 1607, ROWLANDS confined himfelf to the reprinting of feveral of his tradls, and to this facT: we owe the poffeffion of one or two of the earlier books already defcribed. His firft book of fatires, which had been condemned to be burned in 1600, he now brought out anew, under the title of The Knave of Chtbs, and as in this later form it contains nothing which could reafonably give offence, it is to be fuppofed that the peccant paffages had been expunged. It is not a very clever performance, rather dull and ribald, and inferior in vivacity to the Fables at the clofe of Diogenes Lanthorn.
The Whole Crew of Kind Goffips is a fairly diverting defcription of fix citizens' wives, who meet in council to denounce their hufbands, the latter pre- fently entering to addrefs the public, and turn the tables on their wives. This humble fort of Lyjiftrata has nothing very Ariftophanic about it; it is, indeed, one of ROWLANDS' failures. Seldom has he fecured a fubje6l fo well fuited to his genius for low humour,
MEMOIR ON
and never has he fo completely miffed the point of the fituation. The writing fliows traces of rapid and carelefs compofition, the fpeeches of the wives are wanting in variety and character, and thofe of the hufbands are dragged on without rhyme or reafon, unannounced and unexplained. The language, how ever, it muft be confeffed, is admirably clear and modern. It is to be feared that our poet had fallen upon troublous days, for his works about this time are the mereft catch-penny things, thrown off with out care or felf-refpecl:. Martin Mark-all, his con tribution to 1610, is an arrant piece of book-making. It profeffes to be an hiftorical account of the rife and progrefs of roguery up to the reign of Henry VIII., as ftated to the Bellman of London by the Beadle of Bridewell. It has this fpecial intereft to modern ftudents, that it contains a very curious dictionary of canting terms, preceding by more than half-a-century that in the EngliJJt Rogue. Moreover, buried in a great deal of tram, it includes fome valuable biogra phical notes about famous highwaymen and thieves of the fixteenth century. It is entirely in profe, except fome queer Gipfy fongs. The wrath of Dekker, it is fuppofed, was roufed by a charge of plagiarifm brought againft fome author unknown in this book, and he attacked ROWLANDS in his Lanthorn and Candlelight. This very flight rencontre is the only incident that affociates ROWLANDS with any of his contemporaries, and even this might fairly be difputed on the ground of dates.
18
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
The fuccefs of the Knave of Clubs induced ROW LANDS to repeat his venture with the Knave of Harts in 1612 and The Knaves of Spades and Diamonds in 1613. Thefe works are in no way to be diftinguifhed from thofe that preceded them ; their author was per haps growing a little coarfer, a little heavier, but for the reft there is the fame low and trivial view of life, the fame eafy fatire, the fame fluency and purity of language. The increaling heavinefs of his ftyle is ftill more plainly feen in his next work, A Fool's Bolt is foon Shot, though this is far from being the worft of his productions. In this volume, fure of a large body of readers, he difdains the artifices of a dedication, and limply infcribes his poem "to Ram Judgment, Tom Fool and his fellows." It confifts of a feries of tales, in heroic verfes con cerning the practical blunders of all forts of foolifh people, and thefe ftories happen to be particu larly rich in thofe perfonal details that make the works of ROWLANDS fo valuable to anti quarians.
By far the beft written and moft important of his late works is the Melancholy Knight of 1615. The title-page of this pamphlet is adorned by a moft curious woodcut, faithfully rendered in facfimile in our prefent reprint. This reprefents a gentleman, apparalled in the richeft gala-drefs of that period, with his hat pulled over his eyes, and his head deeply funken in his capacious ruff of point-lace. His arms are folded before him, and he lounges
MEMOIR ON
on, loft in a melancholy reverie. It is he who is fuppofed to indite the poems. He fays:—
" I have a melancholy flcull, That's almofl fractured 'tis fo full! To eafe the fame thefe lines I write ; Tobacco boy! a pipe! fome light !"
His reflections upon the follies and knaveries of the age, its vices, its affectations, and its impertinencies, are full of bright and delightful reading, but moft of all when it is found that the Knight is a book-worm, and fpends his time in devouring old folio romances and chivalric tales " of ladies fair and lovely knights," like any Don Quixote; and moft of all when he ven tures to recite a very touching ballad of his own about Sir Eglamour and the Dragon. No doubt the fame of Cervantes' mafterpiece, publifhed juft ten years before, had reached the Englifh pamphleteer, and he had certainly feen The Knight of the Burning Peftle, performed in 1611; ROWLANDS was never original, but he was very quick in adopting a new idea. In fome of the defcriptions of oddity in the MclancJwly Knight he fhows a greater richnefs in expreffion than in his early works. He had pro bably read the fatires of Donne.
The remaining works of ROWLANDS need not detain us very long. In 1617 he publilhed a poem called The Bride, but it is loft. In 1618 he brought out A Sacred Memory of the Miracles of Chrift, remark able only for the preface, in which he exhorts " all faithful Chriftians " with fuch a confident unclion as
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
to fuggeft that he may poffibly by this time have found a fphere for his energies within the Church of England. In the poems themfelves there is nothing important; they prefent all the features of conven tionality and effete piety which are to be met with in Englifh poems on facred narrative fubjects before the days of Quarles. With The Night Raven, in 1620, and Good News and Bad News, in 1622, the long feries of ROWLANDS' humoriftic ftudies clofes. Thefe two books, exactly like one another in ftyle, confift of the ufual chain of ftories, lefs ably told than before, but ftill occupied, as ever, with knavery and fimplicity, the endlefs joke, now repeated to fatiety, at the eafe with which dulnefs is gulled by roguery. According to all probable computation, ROWLANDS by this time was at leaft fifty years of age ; and after producing this fort of homely poetry for more than a quarter of a century, he poffibly found that the public he once addreffed had abandoned him. At all events, Good Newes and Bad Newes is the laft of his comic writings.
Six years later there appeared a little duodecimo volume of facred verfe and profe, entitled Heavens Glory, Seek it; Earths Vanity, Fly it; HelFs Horror, Fear it. Under this affected title a writer who figns himfelf SAMUELL ROWLAND iffuesa collection of fuffi- ciently tedious homilies, interfperfed with divine poems. That this book was written by SAMUEL ROWLANDS has been freely affirmed, and as freely denied; but I do not think that any doubt on the fubject can remain on the mind of any one who care-
MEMOIR ON
fully reads it. The profe pages, it is true, have all that dogged infipidity and abfolute colourleffnefs of ftyle which marks the minor theological literature of the feventeenth century, but the poems are not fo undecipherable. They are printed in a delufive way, fo as to feem to be in a fhort ballad metre; but they are really, in all cafes, compofed in that iden tical fix-line ftanza which ROWLANDS affected through out his life. Nor is there more fimilarity to his authentic poems in the form than in the ftyle of thefe religious pieces. There is precifely the fame fluid verification, the fame eafy and fenfible mediocrity, and the fame want of elevation and originality. At the end of the hortatory work there is found a col lection of Prayers for ufe in Godly Families, and appended to thefe latter a collection of poems entitled Common Calls, Cries and Sounds of the Bellman, con- fifting of religious pofies and epigrams, very poorly written, but ftill diftinctly recognifable as the work of ROWLANDS. I do not think there can be the flighteft doubt that this miscellaneous volume is rightly included among his veritable works.
From this year (1628) he paffes out of our fight, having kept the bookfellers bufily engaged for exactly thirty years. His books continued to find a fale for another half century, and were reprinted at leaft as late as 1675. But they were confidered as fcarcely above the rank of chap-books, and ROWLANDS is in cluded among the Englifh poets in not one of the lifts of contemporary or former authors. In 1630 he wrote a few verfes of congratulation to his loving
22
SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
friend John Taylor, the Water Poet, and in earlier life he had paid the fame compliment to two ftill more obfcure writers. In 1612, W. Parkes, of whom ab- folutely nothing is known, quoted a fhort poem by ROWLANDS in his Curtain- Drawer of the World. Such, and fuch alone, are the minute points of con nection with his contemporaries which the moft patient fcholarfhip has fucceeded in difcovering, and they fhow a literary ifolation which would be aftounding in fo fertile an author if we were not to confider the undignified and ephemeral nature of ROWLANDS' writings, which the paffage of time has made interefting to us, but which to his cultivated contemporaries muft have fcarcely feemed to belong to literature at all.
In an age when newfpapers were unknown and when poetry was ftill the favourite channel for popular thought, fuch pamphlets as thofe of SAMUEL ROWLANDS formed the chief intellectual pabulum of the apprentice and of his mafter's wife, of the city fhopkeeper and of his lefs genteel cuftomers. When we confider the clafs addreffed, and the general licence of thofe times, we lhall be rather inclined to admire the reticence of the author than to blame his occafional coarfenefs. ROWLANDS is never immoral, he is rarely indecent; his attitude towards vice of all forts is rather indifferent, and he affumes the judicial air of a fatirift with fmall fuccefs. He has neither the integrity nor the favagery that is required to write fatire; he neither indulges in the fenfual rage of Donne, nor the clerical indignation of Hall; he is
MEMOIR ON SAMUEL ROWLANDS.
always too much amufed at vice to be thoroughly angry with it. H is favourite fubjecl of contemplation is a fharper; to his effentially bourgeois mind nothing feems fo irrefiftibly funny as the trick by which a flirewd rafcal becomes poffeffed of the purfe or the good name of an honed fool ; and no doubt it was this that peculiarly endeared his mufe to the appren tice and to the ferving-maid. As a purely literary figure he has little importance fave what he owes to thofe details which were commonplace in his own time, but which are of antiquarian importance to us. Yet, however accidental the merit may be, we can not refufe to ROWLANDS the praife of having made the London of Shakefpeare almoft more vivid to us than any other author has done. In his earlier works, and efpecially in his 'Tis Merry when Goffips Meet, he has difplayed the exiftence in him of a comic vein which he neglected to work, but which would have affured him a brilliant fuccefs if he had had the happy thought of writing for the ftage. In comedy thofe bright and facile qualities of ftyle which are wafted in the frivolous repetitions of his later tales and fatires, might have ripened into a veritable dramatic talent. As it is, he is a kind of fmall non-political Defoe, a pamphleteer in verfe whofe talents were never put into exercife except when their poffeffor was preffed for means, and a poet of confiderable talent without one fpark or glimmer of genius.
EDMUND W. GOSSE.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
ADVERTISEMENT.1
[BY SIR WALTER SCOTT.]
THE curiofity of the prefent age has been much directed towards the fugitive pieces of the reigns of Elizabeth and James I. both as illuftrating obfcure paffages of Shakfpeare, and of our earlier dramatifts, and as containing an authentic record of the private life of our forefathers. The following poems will be found to gratify, in no common degree, the curious antiquary who inveftigates thefe fubjects; and as the original volume is rare, and bears a high price among collectors, it is hoped that the prefent very limited impreffion may render the knowledge which it con tains acceffible to fome who have not an opportunity to consult the original edition.2 A very few notes
1 [To " The Letting of Humours Blood in the Head Vaine, &c., by S. Rowlands. Edinburgh: Reprinted by James Ballantyne & Co. for William Laing, and William Blackwood. 1815."]
2 ["What an oddity, and non-defcript compound, was that SAMUEL ROWLANDS! — and why do I notice him here? Simply, becaufe I firmly believe that a complete collection of his pieces, low, queer, comical, and contradictory, as they may be, could not be procured under the fum of 300 SOVEREIGNS. Judge for yourfelf, candid reader. New and clean Packs of Cards are ufually procurable for 45. 6d.: but if you only want the Knave of Clubs — together with the Knave of Spades and Diamonds and Knave of Hearts, of Mailer Rowlands (poems, publifhed by him in 1611-1612, 4to) you muft pay £35 33. 6d. — according to the text of
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
are added, lefs with the purpofe of illuftrating the epigrams and fatires, than of fhewing, in fome degree, their connexion with the literature and domeftic hif- tory of the age in which they were written.1
The fantaftic title which the author has chofen ferves to explain the purpofe of his fatire. The pre- fent age is diftinguifhed by an uniformity of fafhion- able folly. The more ambitious coxcombs of our forefathers' day, affected to diftinguifh themfelves, not only from the fober-minded public, and from the vulgar, but from each other, for which purpofe each affumed a ftrain of peculiarity, however abfurd and fantaftic, and, in the phrafe of heraldry, bore his folly with a difference. Thus every fafhionable gallant varied in mien and manner from his companions, as widely as all did from fober demeanour and common fenfe. Ben Jonfon, who piqued himfelf upon de lineating with comic accuracy, and with fatirical force, the peculiar ftrains of thought and manner called humours, obferves, with fome indignation, that thofe who could make no pretenfion to that original ftrain of thought and action to which he would willingly
the priced catalogue of Bindley's Library!! And again? for his Betrayal of Chrijl, 1598, 410, £21: oppofed to his Doflor Merrie-Man, 1609, 410, £1$. Thefe two prices are taken from the Bibl. Angl. Poet, where, to the Night Raven, 1634, 4to, the ominous fum of ^30 is attached, the pages of this work are rich in ROWLANDIANA; and Mr. Thorpe's well-furnifhed catalogue, p. 127, prefents us with three other pieces of the poet, for ^14 145. collectively." — Rev. T. F. DIBDIN: The Library Companion, p. 711, fecond edition, London, 1825.]
1 [Thefe Notes will be found incorporated in the " Gloffarial Index and Notes."]
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
reftricl; the term, affected fome diftin<5lion or pecu liarity in drefs or manner, in order to eflablifh their title to be called humourifts. The real humour he defines to be
When fome peculiar quality
Doth fo poffefs a man, that it doth draw All his affects, his fpirits, and his powers, In their confluclions, all to run one way; This may be truly faid to be a HUMOUR. But that a rook, by wearing a pyed feather, The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff, A yard of fhoe-tye, or the Switzer's knot On his French garters, fhould affect a HUMOUR ; O, it is more than mofl ridiculous !
Cor. He fpeaks pure truth; now if an idiot Have but an apifli or fantaftic drain, It is his HUMOUR.
Our poet has given us numerous inftances both of the real and of the pfeudo-humourift ; and as he de- fcribed the fcenes in which he lived, and the follies which were a6led before his eyes, it is interefting to obferve, that the various affectations of the retainers of Sir John Falftaff, as well as thofe of the Bobadil, Stephen, and Mafter Matthew of Jonfon, and of the various comic characters pourtrayed by Beaumont and Fletcher, were not, as modern readers might conceive them, the fantaftic creatures of the poet's imagination, but had in reality their prototypes upon the great fcene of the world. The author has in deed pourtrayed examples of every fpecies of affecta tion, from the bombaftic vein of Ancient Piftol to
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
the melancholy and gentleman-like gravity of Mafter Stephen.
The book was firfl publifhed in 1600, and met but a rude reception; for 26th October, 1600, occurs the following order upon the records of Stationers' Hall :— " Yt is orderd, that the next court-day two bookes lately printed, thone called The Letting of Humors Blood in the Head Vayne; thother, A Mery Mctinge, or 'tis Mery when Knaves mete; fhal be publiquely burnt, for that they conteyne matters unfytt to be publifhed ; then to be burnd in the hall kytchen, with other popifli bookes and thinges that were lately taken."1 From the feverity of this fentence it would feem that the characters drawn by the author were underftood to have reference to living perfons. Mr. Ames, who quotes the order, tells us, that feveral [twenty-nine, fee Mr. Arber s Tranfcript, vol. ii., pp. 832-3] of the trade were [March 4, 1600- 1,] fined two millings and fixpence a-piece for buying thefe ob noxious works; but that it does not appear whether any penalty was impofed on the printer and publifher. He fuppofes the book had been reprinted after the definition of the firfl edition, which gave rife to this fecond fentence. See Typographical Antiquities, edit. 1786, vol. ii., p. 1266.
It would feem that, in confequence of the prohibi tion, and fines impofed on the trade who purchafed this little volume, the title was altered; for there are
1 [No fuch entry appears under this date in Mr. Arber's Tranfcript.}
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
two [three] editions under the title of "Humours Or- dinarie, where a Man maybeverie merie and exceeding well ufed for Sixpence," one [two] without date, and one in 1607. But in 161 1, William White adventured to republifh the work under its original title, a few years having made fuch changes as removed the original objections, or perhaps the licence of the prefs having become more extended. With the ad dition of this preliminary advertifement, and a few trifling notes, the prefent edition is an exact fac- fimile of that of 161 1.
The literary merit of a rare work is a poftponed objecl: of enquiry to the Bibliomaniac; but even in this point of view fomething may be faid for the credit of our author. He anatomifes in his rugged numbers the follies of the time in which he lived with a fatirical force not inferior to that of Hall or Donne, and may even boaft with old Ben himfelf,
My flri6l hand
Was made to feize on vice, and with a gripe Squeeze out the humour of fuch fpongy natures As lick up every idle vanity. 1
X["A prolific and very able writer of fugitive pieces during the reign of James I. He commenced authorfliip, however, as it here appears, while Elizabeth was ftill on the throne; and in 1598 his maiden effort, a volume of facred poems, entitled The Be traying of Chrift, &c.,paffed through two impreflions." — WARTON'S Hijlory ofEngli/h Poetry, edit. W. C. HAZLITT, 187 1, voL iv., p. 417.
"He [Rowlands] was, in fact, more of a humourift than of a fatiriil, and in the latter department he is not to be compared with his imme diate contemporaries, Donne, Hall, or Marfton;but his epigrams and lighter performances are feldom without point, fpirit, and pleafantry, and mod of his pieces were often reprinted in confequence of the
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
The author, Samuel Rowlands, was a prolific pamphleteer in the reigns of Elizabeth, James I. and Charles I. and wrote many fugitive pieces, fome few re ligious, but for the moft part local and perfonal fatires. The induftry of Ritfon (fee Bibliographia [Poetica], p. 316) has muftered a numerous catalogue of his works, yet there are feveral omiffions which have been fupplied by more recent refearch. Sir Egerton Brydges has made fome addition to the lift, in the Cenfura Literaria, vol. ii., p. 150. And fpecimens of two curious fatires, entitled " The Knave of Clubs," and "The Knave of Hearts," are given in the [Britim] Bibliographer, vol. ii., p. 103. The firft of thefe had the fate of the following work, being condemned to the kitchen of the Stationers' Company in the year 1600. At p. 549 of the fame volume, the ingenious and in duftrious bibliographer analyzes briefly two other treatifes of Rowlands, " The Melancholy Knight," namely, and a collection of religious tracts, entitled " Heaven's Glory," &c.
Excepting that he lived and wrote, none of thefe induftrious antiquaries have pointed out any par- popular demand for them. If they are now and then a little coarfe or indecorous, the blame, if any, belongs to the period at which they were written : Rowlands was not more faulty in this refpect than moft of his jocular rhyming rivals." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Introduction to "Humors Looking Glafs," 1608, Yellow Series, No. 10.
" Though a rapid and carelefs writer, he occafionally exhibits confiderable vigour, and has often fatirized with fpirit the manners and follies of his period. He may be juftly clafled as furmounting mediocrity." — DRAKE'S Shakefpearc and his Times, 1817, vol. i., p. 700.]
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
ticulars refpecting Rowland^].1 It has been remarked, that his mufe is feldom found in the beft company; and, to have become fo well acquainted with the bullies, drunkards, gamefters, and cheats, whom he defcribes, he muft have frequented the haunts of dif- fipation, in which fuch characters are to be found.2
*[" Who or what he was, beyond the fact that he wrote no fewer than about thirty fmall tracts for his fubfiflence, and that nearly all of them were extremely popular, we know not." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER : Introduction to " Good Newes and Bad Newes," Yellow Series, No. 14.
" Suppofed to have died about 1634, was the author and fup- pofed author of many poetical tracts." — ALLIBONE'S Critical Dictionary of EngHJJi Literature, 1870, vol. ii., p. 1883.]
3 [" The mufe of Rowlands," fays Jofeph Haflewood, " is feldom found in good company. Her beft characters are generally picked up by the way fide among the idle and vicious; fometimes on benches of tippling houfes, and too often the precincts of Bride well; or from the crowd that ufually waited upon a delinquent wearing ' Tyburn e-tiffany.' Her only intereft is founded upon locality of defcription, which may be prefumed a faithful, if not a flattering copy of the times." — BritiJJi Bibliographer, vol. ii., p. 105, London, 1812.
Thomas Campbell, author of the Pleafures of Hope, queflions the foregoing conclufion of Haflewood: — "The hiftory of this author [Rowlands] is quite unknown, except that he was a prolific pamphleteer in the reigns of Elizabeth, James I. and Charles I. Ritfon has muftered a numerous catalogue of his works, to which the compilers of the Cenfura Literaria have added fome articles. It has been remarked by the latter, that his mufe is generally found in low company, from which it is inferred that he frequented the haunts of diffipation. The conclufion is unjuft — Fielding was not a blackguard, though he wrote the adventures of Jonathan Wild. His defcriptions of contemporary follies have confiderable humour. I think he has afforded in the following ftory of Smug the Smith [fee « The Night-Raven,' p. 26] a hint to Butler for his apologue of vicarious juftice, in the cafe of the brethren who
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
But the humorous defcriptions of low-life exhibited in his fatires are more precious to antiquaries than more grave works, and thofe who make the manners of Shakfpeare's age the fubject of their ftudy may better fpare a better author than Samuel Rowlands. The following Colle<5Uon appears to have been the mod popular of his numerous effufions, having, as has been fhewn, run through four [five] editions between 1600 and 161 1.
Abbotsford, \ ijl April, 1814. j
hanged a ' a poor weaver that was bed-rid,' inflead of the cobbler who had killed an Indian,
' Not out of malice, but mere zeal, Becaufe he was an Infidel.'
HUDIBRAS, Part II., Canto ii. 1. 420."
Specimens of the Britijh Poets, p. 123: London, 1844.]
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
I. THE BETRAYING OF CHRIST. IVDAS in defpaire. The
feuen Words of our Sauior on the Croffe. WITH
other Poems on the Pafsion. LONDON. Printed by
Adam Iflip. i$98> 4to, 30 leaves.
Three copies known : one in the Bodleian Library (bought in the fifth portion of the Corfer fale for £$ ios.); another in the poffeffion of Mr. S. Chriftie-Miller, Britwell, Buckinghamfhire ; and a third of a different iffue, formerly in Heber's Library.— See Mr. W. C. HAZLITT'S Handbook, 1867, p. 521.
" He [Rowlands], poffibly, originally tried his fkill upon a facred fubject, 'The Betraying of Chrifl,' but not fucceeding, he reforted to fatire and epigram, and put forth his 'Letting of Humours Blood ' in 1600. To this ftyle he adhered, as we apprehend, with one exception, for the reft of his career, becaufe not only is ' Heaven's Glory, feeke it; Earths Vanitie, flye it,' quite in another vein, but the author's name (a circumftance not hitherto noticed) is there printed Rowland, and not Rowlands." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Introduction to ffvmors Looking Glafie, 1608, Yellow Series, No. 10.
" Neither Lowndes nor any of our bibliographers have noticed the fa<5l, that there were two editions of this work printed in the fame year — the prefent one being the firft. The copy of the fame date defcribed in the Bill. Ang. Poetica, 598, differs very materially from the one now under notice (which we believe to be the firft edition of this very rare facred Poem) in having a dedication < To his deare affected Friend Maifter H. W. Gentleman,' and fome flanzas ad- dreffed ' To the Gentlemen Readers,' and alfo a poem in four line verfes entitled ' The highway to mount Calvarie,' which are not in
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
this edition. The title is ornamented with curious woodcut repre- fentations or emblematic allufions to the betrayal of Chrift and his crucifixion, the crown of thorns, the reed, the fcourge, the cock, the lanthorn and fword, the nails, the crofs, and other implements of torture and of death. On the reverfe of the title is a woodcut re- prefentation of the arms and creft of Sir Nicholas Walfh, Knight, ' Chiefe Juftice of her Maieflies Court of Common Pleas in Ireland and of her Highneffe counfaill there,' to whom the work is dedi cated. This was Rowlands' earliefl publication, and, with the ex ception of one other piece, is the only one on a fubjedl of a facred nature. As one of the minor poets of his day, Rowlands was not without merit, and on fome grounds it is to be regretted that he was afterwards induced to turn his talents to pamphleteering and works of a more humorous and fatirical, but lefs reputable nature, pro bably from finding them more popular and more eafily faleable- but the latter are fo extremely curious for the numerous allufions to the manners and cufloms of the times, that their literary merit and moral tendency need fcarcely enter into confideration.
It is poflible that the religious poems of Robert
Southwell, Breton and others, which had juft then appeared, may have fuggefled to Rowlands the ftyle and fubjecl. of thefe facred themes, which he afterwards abandoned for lighter and more pro fane fubjecls, and which, as far as we know, were not again re printed by him." — From Rev. THOMAS CORSER'S unpublifhed MS. of Collcflanea Anglo-Poctica.
II. THE LETTING OF HVMOVRS BLOOD IN THE HEAD- VAINE. With a new Moriffco, daunced by feauen Satyrcs, vpon the bottome of Diogines Tubbe. AT LONDON, Printed by W. White for W. F.
1600, 8vo, 43 leaves.
Four copies of this traft are known : three in the Bodleian Library (one in the Malone, one in the Wood, and one in the Crynes collection), and the fourth in the Britifh
10
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
Mufeum. Which of thefe firft appeared it would be hard to fay. The probability is that it was the Wood and M alone copies, from the fa<5l that the line reading (B 2, line i): —
" I fcorue to meete an enemie in feeelde," is corrected in the Crynes copy to
" I fcorne to meete an enemie in fielde."
Leaf A 3 in the Malone copy is wanting. The one now re printed is the Wood copy. In the Crynes copy there are lines "To his very good freend M. Hvgh Lee, Efquire," which are reprinted in the Mifcellaneous Poems. In the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 174) the following entry occurs: —
" 1 6 Octobris [1600]
"william white. — Entred for his Copye vnder the handes of Matter PASFEILD and the wardens A booke Called the lettinge of Humours blood in the head vayne with a newe morifco Daunced by Seven Satyres vppon the bottome of DIOGINES tubbe vjd "
In the "Stationers' Regifters" we have this entry (Mr* ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. ii., pp. 832-3): —
"4to marcij [1601]
" Receaued of thefe perfons folowinge [twenty-nine Stationers] the fommes infuyinge [two fhillings and fixpence each] for their Diforders in buyinge of the bookes of humours lettinge blood in the vayne beinge newe printed after yt was firft. for- bydden and burnt."
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
"When the work was firfl. publifhed in 1600, 'Printed by VV. White,' it gave fuch offence, on account of the feverity of its fatire, and the obvioufnefs of its allufions, that an order was made that it mould be burned, firft 'publicly,' and afterwards in the ' Hall-kitchen ' of the Stationers' Company. The book- feller therefore changed its title to ' Humours Ordinarie,' and published an edition of it without date; but, after the feeling againft the work had fubfided in 1611, it again appeared as ' The Letting of Humors Blood in the Head-vaine,' although the printer, as we fee, thought it prudent not to put his name at length upon the title-page. The Epigrams are thirty-feven in number, with fix lines to introduce the ' feven Satires ' mentioned on the title-page. The temporary and perfonal allufions are extremely numerous and often curious; but fometimes feigned Latin names were employed to defignate private individuals, who feem otherwife to have been pretty clearly pointed out. Public characters are not treated with the fame referve : thus Pope and Singer, the comic aclors, are fpoken of by name, and as living when the firft edition appeared in 1600; but, as they were both dead when that of 1611 came out, an alteration was made according with that circumftance. ( ' See Shakefpeare's Actors,' p. 124 [Shakes. Soc. 1846]) "—Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Bibliographical Account, vol. ii., p. 284.
Seven editions of this traft, at leaft, under its different titles, appeared between 1600 and 1613. The edition of 1611 was reprinted by Sir Walter Scott at Edinburgh in 1815.
III. Tis Merrie when Gofsips meete. AT LONDON, Printed by W. W. and are to fold by George Loftus at the Golden Ball in Popes-ftead Alley.
1602, 4to, 23 leaves.
Only one copy of this firft edition of 1602 is known to exift, and is in the library of Mr. S. Chriftie-Miller. It is, however, imperfeft, wanting Sig. B: this latter has been fupplied from the third edition of 1609, ancl is diftinguifhed in
12
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
the prefent reprint by being enclofed within fquare brackets. It is entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " thus (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 216):—
"15 Septembris [1602]
" William whyte. — Entred for his Copie vnder th[e h]andes of mafler HARTWELL and matter waterfon warden A booke Called Tis merry when gqffips meete . . . vjd
We have a contemporary reference to this poem in the "Diary of John Manningham, of the Middle Temple, and of Bradbourne, Kent, Barrifter-at-Law, 1602-1603," which was printed for the Camden Society (from the original MS. in the Britifh Mufeum) in 1868, and edited by the late Mr. John Bruce. The paffage exa<5tly ftands thus, under date October, 1602 (p. 61):—
" Out of a Poemc called '•It is merry when Gqffips meete' S. R. " Such a one is clarret proofe, /. e. a good wine-bibber.
" There's many deale vpon the fcore for wyne, When they mould pay forgett the Vintner's fyne.
" A man whofe beard feemes fcard with fprites to have bin, And hath noe difference twixt his nofe and chin, But all his hayres haue got the falling ficknes, Whofe forefront lookes like jack an apes behind.
" A goffips round, thats every on a cup."
To the initials "S. R." Mr. Bruce notes :— " Thefe initials, inferted by a later hand, indicate ' Samuel Rowlands,' the author of this very popular little volume. The firft edition bears the date of 1602, and had probably juft been publifhed when it attracted the attention of our diarift."
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" A difcuffion in verfe between a Wife, a Widow and a Maid forms the body of Rowlands' ' Tis merry when Goflips meet : ' it is clever and humourous, but certainly not fo clever, though more broad and droll, than the debate between a Wife, a Widow and a Maid by Sir John Davys, in 'The Poetical Rhapfody,' which came out in the fame year, 1602, and which, perhaps, gave the author of ' Tis merry when Goffips meet ' the firfl hint for his more familiar, and lefs refined production. The authorfhip of the laft has been given to three writers: — i. Simon Robfon, a clergyman, who began his career as early as 1585, whofe ftyle is altogether different; 2. Nicholas Breton, whofe initials do not correfpond with thofe of, 3. Samuel Rowlands, which are attached to the tract, and to whom, we feel confident, it belongs. It is very true that at lead three of Breton's pamphlets are mentioned above by the Apprentice, under the titles of Pafquil's ' Mad-cap,' ' Fools cap,' and ' Melancholy,' to fay nothing of ' Moral Philofophy,' of which, under that name, as a work by Breton, we know nothing. If Breton had written 'Tis merry when Goflips meet,' he would hardly have thus puffed his own pieces. On the other hand, S. R. are the initials of Samuel Rowlands; and although he publifhed feveral humourous and fatirical tradls relating to Knaves, we are not aware of the exiftence of any one called ' Tis merry when Knaves meet,' or 'Tis merry when Mailmen meet.' Befides, 'Tis merry when Goflips meet' is much more in the ftyle of Rowlands than of Breton ; fo that, on the whole, we feel no diffi culty whatever in afligning the production to him. It enjoyed great popularity, went through feveral impreffions, and all but the firfl have the name of Deane on the title-page, who was the pub- lifher of feveral other pamphlets by Rowlands. This circumftance in favour of his authorfhip feems never to have been taken into account. In fo much general favour was ' Tis merry when Goflips meet' even in 1625, that Ben Jonfon mentions it in the Induction to his ' Staple of News :' ' They fay its merry when Goffips meet: I hope our Play will be a merry one.' It had been reprinted in 1619, and to that edition various fongs were added by the author to increafe its novelty. It may be worth while to note that the
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
impreffion of 1602 contains almofl the proverbial words of Shake- fpeare, Two Gent, of Verona, A. v. fc. 2: —
' The old faying is, Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies' eyes.' "
Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., pp. 281-82.
The Songs added to the edition of 1619 will be found in cluded with the Mifcellaneous Poems. It may be worth while to remark that the very curious " Conference between a Gentleman and a Prentice" "never afterwards appeared in print: the reafon for its omiffion being, probably, that in 1605 the prevailing intereft regarding the trac~ls, even of 1602, had fomewhat fubfided: on this very account it poffeffes the more attraction for modern readers." In the firft volume of the Shakefpeare Society's Papers this "Con ference between a Gentleman and a Prentice" is reproduced as a teftimony to the early rarity of the works of Robert Greene. Between 1602 and 1675 feven editions of this tracl: appeared. The third edition of 1609 was reprinted at the Chifwick Prefs in 1818.
IV. GREENES GHOST HAVNTING CONIE-CATCHERS. Wherein is fet downe,
The Arte of Humouring.
The Arte of carrying Stones.
Will. St. Lift.
la. Foft. Law.
Ned Bro. Catch, and
Blacke Robins Kindneffe.
with the conceits of Doctor Pinch-backe a notable Make- fhift. Ten times more pleafant then any thing yet publijhed of this matter. Non ad imitandtim, fed ad euitandum. LONDON, Printed for R. lackfon, and I.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
North, and are to be fold in Fleetftreete, a little aboue the Conduit. 1602, 4*0, 26 leaves.
Black letter. Several copies known : one in the poffeflion of Mr. Henry Huth, and another in the Britifh Mufeum. It is entered as follows in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER's Tranfcript, vol. Hi., p. 216): —
" 3. Septembris [1602]
" Roger Jackfon John northe. — Entred for their copie vndei the handes of matter PASFEILD and mailer Waterfon Warden. A booke called GREENES goojle [*>. ghofl] haunting? Conyecatchers . ... . vjd"
And again (vol. iv., p. 149): —
" 1 6° Januarij 1625 [i>., 1626]
" Francis Williams. — Affigned ouer vnto him by miftris Jackfon wife of Roger Jackfon Deceafed, and by order of a full Court holden this Day, all her eflate in the Copies here after mencioned ....... xuijs
[Thirty feparate articles of which the firfl is] GREENES ghofl ha\u\nting Cun\ii\y catchers. /"
Under date " 29 Junij, 1630," this work, with many others, was afligned over by Francis Williams to Mafter Harrifon. —(Vol. iv., p. 237).
A fecond edition appeared in 1626. The latter was re printed by Mr. J. O. Halliwell-Phillipps in 1860 (the im- preflion limited to twenty-fix copies) with the following Preface : —
"This tra6l has been attributed, but apparently on uncertain grounds, to Samuel Rowlands. It was firfl printed in 1602, and Lowndes alfo records an edition of the date 1606, but I can find no other notice of the latter. The edition of 1602 is of fingular rarity,
16
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
and has not been acceffible to me. If we may believe the editor, S. R., 'this little pamphlet came by chance to my hands, adding fomewhat of mine owne knowledge, and upon very credible in formation;' but ftatements of this kind are received with hefitation by thofe acquainted with the literature of the period. That any portion of it was written by Greene himfelf may well be queflioned ; but it may have been intended as a kind of fupplement to his firft and fecond parts of Coneycatching, originally printed in 1591."
V. Looke to it: FOR, He Stabbe ye. Imprinted at London by E. Allde for W. Ferbrand, and George Loftes, and are to be folde in Popes-head Allie.
1604, 4to, 24 leaves.
Two or three copies known : one in the poffeffion of the Earl of Ellefmere (the edges rough as it was iffued from the prefs), and another in the Bodleian Library. There were two iffues flightly differing. It is entered in the "Stationers' Regifters " as follows (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 246) :—
" i9th- Novembris [1603]
" William fferbrand. — Entered for his Copie vnder th[e hjandes of Mailer HARTWELL to the Wardens. A booke called Looke to it for Ileftabbe yec vjd "
"It is an interefling piece, full of allufions to contemporary manners and perfons." — Mr. W. C. HAZLITT: Handbook, p. 521.
" The author's name, as was moft common with him, is not to this fatirical and moral production, only his well-known initials S. R. appended to an introduction." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 284.
It was " Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by J. N. Lydall for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI;" the im-
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
preflion being limited to fifteen copies. Mr. Utterfon ap pended the following note :—
" Samuel Rowlands, the Author of this rare trafl, has exercifed, with confiderable truth and fome power, his poetical lafh in the cafligation of the reigning vices and follies of the early part of the 1 7th. century, — which indeed do not appear to have differed much from thofe of the prefent day.
" Owing to the return of the Englifh levies from the United Provinces after the truce was entered into between Spain, and her former fubjec"ls, the introduction of the manners of a diforderly Soldiery into the peaceful Metropolis muft have excited much difiatisfaclion, as well as alarm, amongfl the fober and induflrious Citizens of London. Hence the frequent threat of the ' Stab ' by the Bully and the Rogue, fuggefled the title, and it may eafily be believed, increafed the popularity, of a Satire having fo ftrong, and original a character. Rowlands refers occafionally to contemporary literature and circumflances. He alludes to Nam's ' Pierce Pennylefle,' and to R. Greene's ' Quip for an upflart Courtier,' and mentions Wolner the enormous Eater. His defcriptions alfo of the fafhions of that day in the drefs of both Sexes are curious and amufing."
VI. HELL'S BROKE LOOSE. LONDON Printed by W. W. and are to be fold by G. Loftus in Popes-head Allie neare the Exchange. 1605, 4to, 24 leaves.
Two copies are known: one in the poffeflion of Mr. Henry Huth, and the other in Mr. S. Chriftie-Miller's library. The firft named copy was fold in the fifth portion of the Rev. Thomas Corfer's fale (July, 1870) for £16.
It is thus entered in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 281):—
"29 Januarij [1605]
" William white. — Entred for his copy vnder the handes of the Wardens, a booke called Hell broke loofe. or the notorious life and Deferred Deathe of J^OHN LEYDEN A notable Rebellious traitour again/I the Citic of Munjler in Germany. vjd "
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" An account of the life of John of Leyden. It has been faid that it is not by Rowlands, but by fomebody who ufurped his popular initials. It certainly has thofe initials at the foot of the argument, and it was publimed by the ftationer whom Rowlands chiefly employed." — Mr. W. C. HAZLITT: Handbook, p. 522.
VII. A Theatre of delightful Recreation. London, Printed for A[rthur] Johnfon. 1605, 4±o.
In verfe. This piece is not known now to exift. — See Mr. W. C. HAZLITT'S Handbook, p. 522. It was at one time in the poffeffion of the editor of Percy's Reliques, 1812, who thus notes (vol. iii., p. 161) : —
" A Theatre of delightful Recreation, Lond., printed for A. Johnfon, 1605, 4to (penes editor). This is a book of poems on fubje&s chiefly taken from the Old Teflament."
The title of this tra6l is probably more corre6lly given in the following entry in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 303) : —
"& octobris [1605]
" Arthur Johnfon. — Entred for his copie vnder th[e hjandes of Mafter PASFEILD and the Wardens A booke called. A Theatre of divine Recreation &*c vjd "
VIII. A Terrible Battell betweene the two confumers of the whole World: TIME, and DEATH. By Samuell Row lands, Printed at London for lohn Deane, and are to be fold at his fhop at Temple barre vnder
[1606?] 4to, 22 leaves.
The only copy known is in the Bodleian Library.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
In the " Stationers' Regifters " ( Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 328) is the following entry:—
" 1 6 Septembris [1606]
" John Deane. — Entred for his copie vnder the handes of Mailer WILSON and the warden matter whyte A booke called The bloodie battell behvixte TYME and DEA THE) I vjd R "
" We know of no piece by Rowlands more fcarce than this: we have only heard of one copy, and the precife date of that can not be afcertained, as the figures have been cut off by the binder : there is a large woodcut on the title-page, and it occupies fo much fpace that the imprint, followed by the date, is driven out of its place. We may guefs that it came out late in 1602; but there is nothing in the contents of the poem to mow at what precife period it was written, beyond the mention of the plague which began in London in the autumn : we are fure, therefore, that the tra<5t did not appear before that year, although Rowlands had commenced author in 1598, if he really wrote 'The Betraying of Chrifl.' . . . The dedication prefents a novel point, for Rowlands tells Mr. George Gaywood that he does not know him, and does not expe<5l any reward — ' my pen never was and never mail be mercenary' — but that he has infcribed the work to him, becaufe Gaywood had been kind to a friend of his. This forms a fort of unprecedented claim to a dedication. . . . There is no great originality, but a good deal of clevernefs, in the poem, and, as in point of date, fo in point of fubjecl, it may be faid to hold a middle place between Rowlands' ferious and comic productions." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., pp. 276-79.
IX. Six London Goflips. 1607.
Not known now to exift. See Mr. W. C. HAZLITT'S Hand book, p. 522.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
X. DIOGINES LANTHORNE.
Athens I feeke for honeft men; But I fhal finde the God knows Avhen. He fearch the Citie, where if I can fee One honeffc man; he fhal goe with me.
LONDON Printed for Thomas Archer, and are to be folde at his Shop in Popes-head Pallace, neere the Royall-Exchange. 1607, 4t°> 24 leaves.
Partly in Black Letter, and partly in Roman. The only copy known is in the Bodleian Library. It is thus entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 334):—
"vto Decembris [1606]
" Thomas Archer. — Entred for his Copie vnder the handes of Matter HARTWELL & Matter Whyte Warden A Booke called DIOGENES Lanthorne vjd R "
And again (vol. iv., p. 164): —
"4° Augufti 1626
" Edward Brewtter Robert Birde. — Affigned ouer vnto them by Miftris Pavier and Confent of a full Court of Affiftantes all the eftate right title and Interett which Matter Thomas Pavier her late hufband had in the Copies here after men- cioned xxviij5./
[A long tranffer lift follows, of which one of the articles is] " DIOGENES Lanthorne"
" It is one of the beft of the many pieces Samuel Rowlands left behind him." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 294.
It was at one time exceedingly popular, and between 1607 and 1659 it went through no fewer than ten editions.
21
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
XL HVMORS LOOKING Glafse. LONDON. Imprinted by Ed. Allde for William Fere-brand and are to be fold at his Shop in tJte popes-liead Pallace, riglit oner rtgainft the Tauerne-dore. 1608, 4to, 16 leaves.
Two copies known: one in the Univerfity Library, Edinburgh, and the other in the Bodleian Library. There is no entry in the " Stationers' Regifters " licenfmg this edition; but at a later date there is the following (Mr. ARBER's Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 419):—
"12 Oftobris [1609]
" Thomas archer. — Afligned ouer vnto him from Helen ffayr- brand Widowe .... [two bookes] .... And another copie of humours lookinge glajje . . vjd whiche were william ffayrbrandes copies. PROVYDED that this entrance fhalbe voyd yf any other man haue right to any of thefe copies."
" Only two, or at mofl three, copies of this comic production are extant, and little or nothing has been faid of it in any of our bibliographical mifcellanies. It is dedicated by Samuel Rowlands, in his own name at length, 'to his verie loving Friend Mafter George Lee,' and confifts of what the author denominates Epi grams." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 287.
It was reprinted by Mr. Collier in his Yelloiv Series of " Mifcellaneous Tracts," Temp. Eliz. and Jac. i. (No. 10), and in the Introduction he remarked: —
" The fmall publication we have here reproduced is at leaft of average merit, and it is one of the very rareft of its clafs : there are but two, or, at the utmoft, three, extant copies of it. It is full of amufing illuftrations of the manners and opinions of the times."
22
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
XII. DOCTOR Merrie-man: OR, Nothing but Mirth. Written by S. R. AT LONDON, Printed for lohn Deane, and are to [be] fold at his Shoppe at Temple- barre vnder the gate. 1609, 4to, 12 leaves.
As no clue could be got to the firft edition of 1607, the prefent reprint has been made from the fecond edition of 1609, the original of which is in the poffeffion of Mr. Henry Huth, and was fold in the fifth portion of the Rev. Thomas Corfer's fale in July, 1870, for £21 los. The licence for the firft edition is thus entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 362) :—
'' 24 odlobris [1607]
"John Deane. — Entred for his copie vnder th[e hjandes of Th[e] wardens A booke called. Doftor MERRY MAN his medednes again/I Melancholy humours . . vjd"
It has been thus defcribed : —
" This is the firft edition (and effentially different from thofe which followed it) of an extremely popular work of drollery, and no other copy of fo early a year is known. The fubfequent editions of 1609, 1618, 1623, 1631, and 1637, together with one reprint, if not more, without date, are all called on the title-page ' Doctor Merry-man, or Nothing but Mirth.' They alfo omit five pages of preliminary, humorous, and fatirical verfes; and the tale which, in the firft edition, is laft in the volume, is placed fecond in the other impreffions.
" After the title the author addreffes 'Honeft Gentlemen' in verfe, recommending the infallible prefcriptions of three phyficians, Dr. Diet, Dr. Quiet, and Dr. Merryman: next, Rowlands inferts a fhort poem, entitled 'Flatteries Fawne,' followed by the ufual heading of ' Doctor Merryman,' and a fatirical production of two
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
pages. None of thefe are in the copies of 1609, 1618, &c. and the laft may be quoted as a fair fample of the author's vein : —
" Hypocrilie was kind, and us'd me well So long as I had any land to fell. Many a ' God fave you, loving Sir,' I had ' For your good health I am exceeding glad. What is the caufe you are a ftranger growne? The meate doth me no good I eate alone Without your company: pray, let me have it: Of all the kindnefie in the world I crave it. When will you ride? My gelding's yours to ufe. The choyfefl chamber that I have come chufe, And lodge with me. Commaund what ere is mine. Shall we two part without a quart of wine? That were a wonder: give it, fure, I will: Your prefence glads me, I do wifh it ftill. ' This ufage I had daylie at his hand, Till he had got an intrefl in my land ; And then I try'd his welcomes in my want To be, ' Sir, I allure you coyne is fcant. I would do fomewhat for acquaintance fake, If you but fome fecurity could make; But, fure, to waft my wealth I know not how Were folly. What you have bin is not now. I wifh you were the man I knew you late : Faith, I am fory y'are in this eftate. You fhould have thought upon this thing before : Patience is all; and I can fay no more. My bufinefs now doth haften me away; I would fain drink with you but cannot flay Urgent occafions force me take my leave. I wifh you well, and fo I pray conceive.'"
" The body of the tract confifls of a medley of droll tales and fatirical obfervations: few of the ftories are original, and fome of them have gone through moll of the languages of Europe; as that where one man gave advice to another how to avoid falling when climbing, by not making more hafte down than up. This forms the point of an epigram in French, Spanifh, and Italian." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 286.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
In a "Catalogue of books fold by J. Blare on London Bridge," among others the following is priced two-pence: —
" Dodlor Merryman or Nothing but Mirth. Being a Pone of pleafant Poems and Witty Jefts. Fitted for the recreation and paflime of youth. Written by S[amuel] R[owlands]. 4to." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 241.
XIII. A whole crew of kind Gofsips, all met to be merry. LONDON, Printed for lohn Deane, and are to be fold at his JJiop vnder Temblebarre. 1609, 4to, 18 leaves.
The only known copy is in the Bodleian Library. In the Academy for September 29th, 1877, Mr. F. J. FUR- NIVALL points out a Shakefpearian allufion in this tracl: on
P- 33:-
"The chiefefl Art I haue I will beftow, About a worke cald taming of the Shrow."
" For the fake of diftinc~lnefs we will briefly defcribe the three impreffions we have ufed [1609, 1613, and 1663], noticing the differences between them. At the back of the title-page of the copy of 1609 is an addrefs ' To the Maids of London,' figned S. R., followed by—
' Their Husbands Refolution. ' With patience we will heave our owne difgraces, Then proue the lying hufwiues to their faces : Proceed good tailing Goflips, do not fpare, And Maids beare witnefle what kind wiues thefe are. '
On the next page is an addrefs to men, beginning — ' My Maifters that are married looke about;' And which ought to end —
' And turne her to her tale, which thus goes on.'
However, it does not fo conclude becaufe, by a grofs blunder, the fpeech of ' the firft Goflip ' is made part of the addrefs to men.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
This error only exifls in the firft impreffion of 1609, for in that of 1613 the fpeech of the firfl Goffip (fo headed) begins at the lines, —
' Kind Gentlewomen, though I fport and jeft, I have fmall caufe to do it, I proteft. '
The accufations of the fecond, third, fourth, fifth and fixth Goffip come in regular fucceffion, and after them we have what is
headed —
' Sixt Husbands.
' Pray, Maifters, give us leave a while,
Now you have heard our wives : Wee'le overthrow them, horfe and foote, Or elfe wee'le loofe our lives.'
* Six honed Husbands give their wives the lye,' as we are politely told, in the fubfequent order: —
' The firft accufed by his wife to bee miferable. The fecond charged by his wife to croflfe her in her humour. The third charged by his wife to bee hard and cruell. The fourth complained on by his wife to be a common Gamefler. The fift complained on by his wife to be a common Drunkard. The fixt complained on by his wife to be unconftant to her and haunt Whores.'
With thefe fpeeches by the Husbands in reply (how they overhear the accufations, and to whom they addrefs their anAvers does not diftin<5lly appear) the tracl: in the 4to of 1609 terminates." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., pp. 289-90.
XIV. THE KNAVE OF Clubbes. Printed at London for W. Ferebrand, and are to be fold at his JJiop in Popes- head Pallace. 1609, 4to, 24 leaves.
It was originally entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. Hi., p. 171):—
"2. Septembris [1600]
" Mafler Burbye. — Entred for his copye vnder the handes of mafler VYCARS and the Wardens, A booke called A merry emcetinge: Or?ysmer\r\y I Vhen knaues meete : Sonnettes Compyled by the famous ffraternities of knaues . . vjd"
26
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
Another entry (vol. iii., pp. 420-21) is as follows:—
" 1 6. Octobris [1609]
"Matter Welby. — Affigned over vnto hym by miftres Burby in full Court [&c. 38 books, of which one is] 33. yt is merry when knaues mete."
No edition earlier than that of 1609 is known to exift: a copy is in the poffeffion of Mr. Henry Huth.
" The oldeft exemplar known of his [Rowlands'] ' Knave of Clubbs,' is in 1609; but it is certain that it had appeared in or before 1 600, under the title of ' Tis merry when Knaves meet ' [fee 'A conference betweene a Gentleman and a Prentice' in Rowlands' 'Tis Merrie when Golfips meete,' 1602], becaufe in that year a public order was iffued for burning that book, the name of which forms the fecond title to the ' Knave of Clubbs :' being forbidden as ' Tis merry when Knaves meet,' Rowlands altered the title, and printed the tract as the ' Knave of Clubbs.' This, as far as exifting evidence goes, was in 1609, and the feries was completed (if it can be called complete without the ' Payre of Spy-Knaves,' to which we would affign the date of 1613 [fee below]) by 1612, in which year both the ' Knave of Hearts' and ' Knaves of Spades and Diamonds ' made their appearance. However, each of them was popular and often reprinted, and it is impoffible, at this diftance of time, to fpeak with certainty as to the numbers or dates of editions." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 297.
" The firft, ' The Knave of Clubbs, Tis merry when Knaves meete,' upon its appearance, in 1600, gave fuch offence, on account of the feverity of its fatire, and the obvioufnefs of its allufions, that an order was made that it mould be burnt, firft publicly, and afterwards in the Hall Kitchen of the Stationers' Company." — [See above, under "Letting of Humors Blood in the Head-vaine," 1600.] — Dr. E. F. RIMBAULT: Introduction to "The Four Knaves:" a Series of Satirical Tracts by Samuel Rowlands, reprinted for the Percy Society, 1843.
27
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" This appears to have been the firfl of the three rare tracts of Samuel Rowlands, publifhed by him under the title of "Knaues."
" It is in fact, a poetical Jefl Book, to which any other title would have been almofl equally applicable. Notwithftanding, however, that many of his Jokes are flale and vapid, we owe much of our knowledge of the morals and manners of his times, to Rowlands, whofe hints and allufions have perpetuated many little circum- flances illuflrative of the period in which he wrote. Such is the fact which is to be gleaned from this volume, that Allen [Edward Alleyn] played Fauftus in Marlowe's Tragedy; and we alfo learn from it, the coflume which he adopted. Wolner the glutton is alluded to here, as well as in Rowlands' Satire of ' Looke to it for He Stabbe ye.'
" The late Mr. Heber purchafed the three tracts of ' Knaue of Clubbs,' ' Knaue of Harts," and ' More Knaues yet,' bound in one volume, for ^35 35., at the fale of Mr. Bindley's collection. "- Mr. E. V. UTTERSON: Note to "The Knave of Clubbs. Tis merry when Knaues meete," 1611. " Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by G. E. Palmer, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI."
The edition of 1611 was reprinted by Mr. E. V. Utterfon in 1841, and by the Percy Society in 1843; the impreflion of the former being limited to fixteen copies.
XV. MARTIN MARK-ALL, BEADLE OF BRIDEWELL; His defence and Anfwere to the Belman of LONDON. Difcouering the long-concealed Originall and Regiment of Rogues, when they firft began to take head, and how they haue fucceeded one the other fucceffiuely vnto the fixe and twentieth yeare of King HENRY the eight, gathered out of the Chronicle of Crackeropes, and (as they terme it) the Legend of LOSSELS. By S. R. Oderunt peccare boni inrtutis ainore, Oder unt peccare malt formidine pocnce. LONDON Printed for lohn Budge and RicJiard Bonian.
1610, 4to, 30 leaves.
28
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
Black Letter. Six copies are known to exift : two in the Britiiri Mufeum ; one in the Bodleian Library (it is, how ever, deficient of Sheet B or 4 leaves); the fourth is in the poffeffion of Mr. Alexander Young of Glafgow (a very fine copy, formerly in the Corfer collection, and fubfequently priced in Meffrs. Ellis & White's Catalogue, a few years ago, £21); the fifth, in the Guildhall Library, London, wants the laft leaf; and the fixth was fold at the fale of the Rev. C. H. Craufurd's books on July 13, 1876.
The following entry appears in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 430): —
"3imo Martij [1610]
" John Budge. Rychard Bonion. — Entred for their Copy vnder th[e hjandes of mailer JOHN WILLSON and matter Waterfon warden A booke called, 'MARTYN MARKS ALL his defence1 beinge an anfwere to ''the bellman of London' vjd/."
" Samuel Rowlands, in his ' Martin Mark-all Beadle of Bride well,' 1 6 10, accufes the unknown author of the ' Belman of London' of flealing from Harman's book ['A Caueat or warening for Common Curfetors,' &c., 1573; reprinted by Benfley in 1814, and again by the Early Englijh Text Society in 1869]. ' At laft up ftarts an old Cacodemicall Academicke with his frize bonnet, and gives them al to know that this invective was fet foorth, made and printed above fortie yeeres agoe, and being then called a Caveat for Curfitors is now newly printed and termed the Belman of London.' This expofure roufed the ire of Dekker in his ' Lan- thorne and Candle-light,' but he made no sufficient reply." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER : Biblio. Account, vol. i., p. 205.
"From an addrefs 'To my owne Nation,' it is evident that Samuel Rowlands' ' Martin Mark-all the Beadle of Bridewell,' though dated 1610, had been publimed before 'Lanthorne and Candle-light ' [1609]. ' You mall know him (fays Dekker, fpeaking of a rival author whom he calls 'a Ufurper,') by his habiliments,
29
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
for (by the furniture he weares) hee will bee taken for a Beadle of Brideu>ell! No earlier impreflion than 1610 is, however, known of Rowlands' production." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Ac count, vol. i., p. 208.
XVI. THE KNAVE of Harts. Haile Fellow, well met. LONDON; Printed by T. S. and are to be folde by George Loftus, at his fhop vnder S. Sepuk/ters-Church.
1612, 4to, 24 leaves.
The only known copy is in the Bodleian Library. It is thus entered in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 484) : —
"Ultimo Aprilis [1612]
" Thomas Snodham. — Entred for his copy vnder th' [h]andes of mailer FFRANCIS SMITHE and Th' wardens, A booke called, The knaue of hartes or haylefellowe well mett . . vjd-"
And again (vol. iv., p. 152): —
"23° ffebruarij 1625 [i.e. 1626]
" Mailer Stanfby. — Afligned ouer vnto him by vertue of a note vnder the hand of Miftris Snodham fhewed vnto a Court holden this Daye all her eflate in the faid Copies following viz1-/ xxxs
[A long tranffer lift, of which one of the articles is] " The Knave of Harts."
" In accordance with a promife given at the end of ' The Knave of Clubbs,' Rowlands went on with his feries of Knaves, and in 1612 gave to the world 'The Knave of Harts, Haile Fellowe, well met' That this was the fecond of the feries, we have fufficient evidence in the following lines from the addrefs of ' The Knave of Harts to' his three Brethren Knaves :'—
' The Knave of Clubs hath firft begunne, And I am next, now he hath done.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
His tale of Knaves hath thrice beene tolde, And he is printed, bought, and folde, Which made me hade againe to prefle, Left Dimond mould my place poffeife. '
The expreflion in the third line, that the Knave of Clubs hath thrice told his tale, alludes to the tract having pafled through three editions; viz., the firfl in 1600, the fecond in 1609, and that from which our reprint is made, in 1611." — Dr. E. F. RIMBAULT: Intro duction to "The Four Knaves," Percy Society, 1843.
" This was one of a numerous family of fatirical works written by Samuel Rowlands, an author whofe poetical powers were not equal to his cauflic humour and biting cenfure. He appears to have vifited the haunts of profligacy and vice in fearch of fubjects for his farcaflic Mufe, and the refult of fuch enquiries, communi cated in his various pieces, is productive of amufement as well as inftruction to modern readers. The follies and vices of his day were painted with a coarfe but vigorous pencil; his (ketches were the iffue of ftrong and accurate obfervation; and our knowledge of the domeflic ufages, the opinions, and ever-varying fafhions of the times of Elizabeth and the firfl James is confequently much enlarged from the fources which Rowlands has opened to our view.
" All his productions are now become very rare, although moft of them went through repeated editions. Amongft other works, moflly characterifed by quaint titles, he publiihed three feveral volumes of ' Knaves,' viz. — ' The Knave of Harts,' ' The Knave of Clubs/ and 'More Knaves Yet.' Ritfon in the lift which he has given of Rowlands' publications (a lift fomewhat increafed by later enquiry) has noticed only one of this feries, the ' Knave of Clubs ' ; ftronger evidence probably of the rarity of the works fo omitted, than of the inaccuracy of that faftidious critic.
" There are copies of the three feveral volumes of ' Knaves' in the Malone Collection in the Bodleian Library; in the Britifh Mufeum are the Knaves of Harts and Clubs; and the three works bound together were in Mr. Heber's collection, having been purchafed by him at Mr. Bindley's fale.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" The late Sir Walter Scott gave to the world, in the year 1814, a very limited edition of one of Rowlands' fatirical effufions, entitled 'The letting of Humor's Blood in the head-vaine, &c., London, 1611,' to which an advertifement was prefixed, from which the following paffage is extracted : ' The humorous defcrip- tions of low life exhibited in his fatires are more precious to Anti quaries than more grave works, and thofe who make the manners of Shakef pea re's age thefubjefl of their Jhtdy may better f pare a better author than Samuel Roiulands'
" Of Rowlands himfelf, little or nothing beyond what appears occafionally in his works, has been hitherto difcovered by modern biographers." — Mr. E. V. UTTERSON: Note to " Knave of Harts," 1613. "Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by George Butler, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXL."
The fecond edition of 1613 was reprinted by Mr. E. V. Utterfon in 1840 (the impreffion limited to fifteen copies), and by the Percy Society in 1843.
XVII. More Knaues yet? The Knaues of Spades and Diamonds. LONDON Printed for lohn Tap, dwelling at Saint Magnus. [1613?] 4to, 22 leaves.
The only known copy is in the Bodleian Library. It is entered as follows in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. in., p. 534): —
"27 Celebris 1613
" John Tapp. — Entred for his Coppie vnder the handes of mafler JOHN TAVERNER and the wardens a booke called The knaves of Diamondes andfpades. . . . vjd"
And again (vol. iv., pp. 258-9 and 312):—
" i° Augufti 1631.
" Jofeph Hurlocke. — Affigned ouer vnto him by Elizabeth Tapp
late the wife of John Tapp deceafed and by order of a full
Court all that her Eflate right title and intereft in the
Coppies hereafter mencioned vijs
[fourteen books, of which 14] The Knaues of Diamonds and Spades.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" 16 Januarij 1633. \t.e. 1634]
"George Hurlocke. — Affigned ouer vnto him [&c. fourteen books of which the fourteenth is] The Knaves of Diamonds and Spades."
" The laft of the feries of Rowlands' Knaves was ' More Knaves yet? The Knaves of Spades and Diamonds.' It was printed without date; but in all probability (from allufions to Ward and Danfikar, two famous pirates, whofe flory was then popular) about the fame period as the preceding tract." — Dr. E. F. RIMBAULT: Introduction to "The Four Knaves," Percy Society, 1843.
"This is the third of S. Rowlands' poetical tracts, publimed under the quaint title of ' Knaues &c.' and of which the original is at leaft equally fcarce with his other volumes. As has before been remarked, his object feems generally to have been, to invite the public notice by the fmgularity of his title, which frequently has little or no connexion with the' work itfelf. Such is the cafe with the prefent volume, which poffeffes little poetical merit, but occafionally illuftrates the morals and manners of the author's Age."— Mr. E. V. UTTERSON: Note to "More Knaues Yet? The Knaues of Spades and Diamonds." " Reprinted at the Bel- dornie Prefs, by G. E. Palmer, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI."
Reprinted by Mr. E. V. Utterfon in 1841 (the impreffion limited to fixteen copies), and by the Percy Society in 1843-
XVIII. Sir Thomas Overbury, or The Poyfoned Knights Complaint. Imprinted at London for John White.
[1614]
A broadfide, of which the only known copy is in the Collection of the Society of Antiquaries, London. It will be found printed with the Mifcellaneous Poems.
33
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
XIX. A FOOLES BOLT is foone fhott. Imprinted at London for George Loft us, and are to be fold at the figne of the White Horfe at the Steps of the North doore of Panics. 1614, 4to, 20 leaves.
The only known copy is in the Capel Collection, Trinity College, Cambridge.
It is thus entered in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 545): —
"quarto Maij 1614
" Andrew. Manfell. — Entred for his Coppie vnder the handes of matter TAVERNOUR and matter ffeild warden a booke called A fooles bolt is foone JJiot vjd "
XX. THE Melancholic Knight. By S. R. ^Imprinted at London by R. B. and are to be fold by George Loftus, in Bifhops-gate ftreete, neere the Angell.
1615, 4to, 22 leaves.
The only known copy is in the Bodleian Library. It is thus entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 558): —
"2° Decembris 1614
"John Beale. — Entred for his Coppie vnder the handes of matter TAVERKOUR and matter warden Adames a booke called The Malencholy knight by SAMUELL ROWLANDS vjd "
"S. Rowlands in his various fatirical pieces feems generally anxious to claim the public attention by an attractive title. Hence 'The Melancholy Knight' at the head of this little effufion. ' Your true melancholy breeds your perfect fine wit, Sir,' fays Matter Matthew in Ben Jonfon's admirable comedy of Every Man in his Humour, which according to Whalley, was ' a fneer
34
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
upon the fantaftic behaviour of the Gallants in that day, who affected to appear melancholy, and abftracted from common objects.'
" Few minor poets of the period in which he wrote poffeffed a more fluent vein, as adapted to the nature of his fubjecl;, than our author; fatire was his object, and he follows the chafe, fometimes attacking general vices, fometimes purfuing individual follies, with confiderable fuccefs, in a ftrain of forcible, though rough humour. Many of his allufions are curious and amufing; and fome of his ideas appear to have furnifhed hints to modern writers (the firft five or fix lines at page 4 [p. 10], appear to have been concentrated by Goldfmith, in that beautiful paffage,
' Creation's heir, the world, the world is mine.')
His occafional attempts at wit are not without point, and his references to old ballads, and parodies on Tales of Chivalry, then rapidly falling into neglect and ridicule, atteft his acquaintance with that once fafcinating ftudy. This probably fuggefled his Traveftie of the romance of Guy, Earl of Warwick, which went through feveral editions in the iyth century.
" The prefent work is extremely rare, and is not one of thofe enumerated in Ritfon's lift of Rowlands' pieces." — Mr. E. V. UTTER- SON: Note to "The Melancholic Knight." " Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by George Butler, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI."
" The ludicroufly extravagant vein in which the writers of the old romances were burlefqued in an anonymous book called The Heroicall Adventures of the Knight of the Sea, 1600, 4to (before Cervantes had publifhed his great work), by Rowlands in his ballad of Sir Eglamore, inferted in The Melancholic Knight, 1615, 4to; and again, by Samuel Holland in his Don Lara Del Fogo, 1656. But Chaucer's Rime of Sir Thopas is the firft thing of this kind." — WARTON'S Hijl. of Engli/h Poetry, edit. W. C. HAZLITT, 1871, vol. iii., p. 360.
35
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
The impreffion of Mr. Utterfon's reprint was limited to fixteen copies.
XXI. The Bride. [1617?]
Nothing is known of this piece but what is to be found in the following entry from the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 609):—
" 22° Maij 1617
" Mafler Pauier. — Entred for his Copie vnder the handes of matter TAUERNOR and both the wardens, A Poeme intituled The Bride, written by SAMUELL ROWLANDS vjd-"
XXII. A SACRED MEMORIE OF THE MIRACLES wrought by our Lord and Sauiour lefus Chrijl. Written by Samuel Rowlands. lOHN. 10: If you beleeue not Mee, beleeue the works that I doe. LONDON, Im printed by Bernard Alfop, and are to be fold at his houfe by Saint Annes Church neere Alderfgate.
1618, 4to, 26 leaves.
Four copies known: one in the poffeflion of Mr. Henry Huth; another in the library of Mr. S. Chriftie-Miller; the third in the Bodleian Library; and the fourth in the Britifh Mufeum.
It is entered in the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 624) as follows:—
"16° Aprilis 1618:
" Bernard Alfope. — Entred for his Copie vnder the handes of Mafler SANFORD and Mailer Swinhow warden, A Booke Called A Sacred memory of the miracles wrought by our Lord and fauiour JESUS CHRIST . . . vjd"
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
XXIII. THE NIGHT-RAVEN. By S. R.
All thofe whofe deeeds doeJJmn the Light, Are my companions in the Night.
LONDON, Printed by G: Eld for lohn Deane and Thomas Baily, 1620, 4to, 18 leaves.
Two perfe6l copies known : one in the poffeffion of the Earl of Ellefmere, and the other in the Bodleian Library. It is thus entered in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 657): —
"18° Septembris 1619
" Thomas Bayley John Deane. — Entred for their copie vnder the handes of Matter Doctor GOADE, and Matter Jaggard warden A booke Called, The Night rauen made by S. R[OWLANDS]. vjd"
"The author calls this tract 'The Night Raven,' becaufe he profeffes to difclofe fcenes, and to defcribe characters, chiefly obferved in London after dark —
' Thofe evil actions that avoyde the Sunne And by the light of day are never done '—
but he does not keep ftriclly to bis purpofe. It was popular, and, having been firft publiflied, as far as we know, in 1618, it was reprinted in 1620, and 1634, each time with a woodcut of a raven on the title-page. The prefent is, therefore, the fecond edition. [See entry from " Stationers' Regifters " already quoted.] Some of the humorous pieces of which it is compofed mutt have been written long before they were publiflied, as where the author makes a young ' Night Swaggerer' fay: —
' Then third degree of Gentleman I clayme Is my profeffion of a Souldiers name. Looke but your Chronicle for eighty eight, And turn to Tilbury you have me ftraight.'
Referring of courfe to the camp at Tilbury in 1588, which was thirty years before the tract was firft printed. On the other hand,
37
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
fome poems are of confiderably later date, as Mrs. Turner's yellow (larch is fpoken of in one of them. Others are mere jefts, and one or two of them, fuch as ' The Tragedy of Smug the Smith,' from the Italian : on fign. D4b, Chaucer furnifhes a fliort produc tion The tra<5l feems to have been haftily
got up and published, to fupply fome temporary neceffity on the part of the writer." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 294.
"The Night-Raven" was "Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by G. E. Palmer, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI." Mr. Utterfon appended to his reprint (limited to fixteen copies) the following note: —
" This is one of Samuel Rowlands' productions, which, in fpite of occafional indelicacy of language, and coarfenefs of allufion, poflefles fome claims on our attention from its illuflration of con temporary manners, and reference to ancient literature.
" Ritfon mentions it in his lift of Rowlands' productions in the Bibliographica Poetica, but fpeaks only of the edition of 1618. Common enough as fuch a work probably once was, it is now become very rare."
XXIV. A Payre of Spy-Knaves. [1620?] 4to, 12 leaves.
Only known to exift in a unique fragment, in the poffefTion of Mr. J. Payne Collier, F.S.A. The following entry is from the "Stationers' Regifters" (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 660) : —
"6° Decembris 1619
" Phillip Birch. — Entred for his copie vnder the handes of Mafter TAUERNOR, and Mafter Jaggard warden A booke Called A Payre of Spy knaues written by SAMUELL ROW LANDS ... vjd"
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
In a fubfequent entry (vol. iv,, p. 91) this piece is errone- oufly affigned to Samuel Rowley: —
"7° ffebruarij [1623]
"Roberte Birde. — Affigned ouer vnto him by Phillip Birch with the Confent of Mafter Pavier warden theis two Copies
following xijd
vizt. kfermoH called DIUES and LAZARUS, by R. F. A Paire of Spy knaues. by SAMUEL ROWLEY
" This is the fequel to Rowlands' ' Knave of Clubs,' ' Knave of Hearts/ and 'Knaves of Spades and Diamonds:' unfortunately it is only a fragment, beginning with an addrefs 'To the World's Blinde Judgement' on fign. A 3, and ending with an 'Epigram' on fign. D 3, — in the whole 12 leaves. No other copy, perfect or imperfect, has ever been heard of, the initials of the writer, Samuel Rowlands, (who in the fame way claimed the authorfhip of the reft of the knavijh pieces) being at the end of the . . . •lines to the Reader. . . . On the whole the ' Payre of Spy- knaves ' (fuch is the running title, in default of a title-page) may be held fuperior to any of the other three productions by the fame author under correfponding names. We apprehend that it was the laft of the feries, but the prolific author, far from having run himfelf dry, is here even pleafanter, more lively, more fatirical, and even more informing, as to manners and opinions in his day, than in his earlier performances. . . . Some of the poems are a little coarfe but highly humorous, particularly one entitled 'As wife as John of Goteham's Calfe; or This fellow brought his Hogges to a faire Market.' Not a few of the titles are droll and defcriptive, as ' Courteous complements betweene a Traveller and a Hangman,' 'A Roaring Boyes Defcription,' 'A Marriage Mer chant,' &c. Several of them are in flowing pleafant rhyme, as for inftance : —
' The boording of the Alehoufe Ship, fought fo Till Smug, the Smith, could neither ftand nor goe.'
39
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
' Inllructions given to a Countrey Clowne To take Tobacco when he comes to Towne. '
' Such Oafl fuch gheft, the Proverbe (ayes: 111 Servants chufe bad Mafters wayes.'
Our copy of this curiofity feems to have been refcued (poflibly from the flames) in fheets, which are uncut and only three in number." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account, voL ii., pp. 296-98.
XXV. GOOD NEWES and BAD NEVVES. By 5. R. LONDON, Printed for Henry Bell, and are to be fold at his Shop within the Hofpitall gate in Smith-field.
1622, 4to, 23 leaves.
Three copies known : two in the Bodleian Library, and the third in the poffeffion of the Earl of Ellefmere.
" This is little more that a Jed-book in verfe, and it is one of the rareft of Rowlands' later pieces, who acknowledges it by his initials on the title-page, and at the end of an addrefs of fixteen lines ' to the Reader.' On the title-page is a woodcut of a Lon doner and a countryman (from Robert Greene's tracl:) in con-
verfation The words ' Good Newes ' and ' Bad Newes '
are placed at the heads of different pages, without much application to the (lory related; and this is carried through feventeen leaves, when we arrive at nine pages of Epigrams, as they are called, rather for variety of appellation than for any marked difference in the ftyle or fubjedls. The enumeration of the fights of London in 1622, which Hodge comes to town to vifit, is amufmg." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER: Biblio. Account^ vol. ii., pp. 295-296.
" Although S. Rowlands appears to have commenced his poetical labours in a ferious flrain, the bent of his inclination led him, more efpecially in his later years, to fubje<5ls of merriment and fatire. Such is the work which is here reprinted, one of his numerous rhyming jeft Books, all of which are now become very rare. Rit-
40
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
fon includes ' Good newes and bad newes ' in his enumeration of S. Rowlands' productions.
" The wood-cut in the title-page of the original work, is the fame as that ufed in Greene's ' Quip for an upflart Courtier or a quaint difpute between Velvet breeches and Cloth breeches. Printed for G. P. 1620.'"— Mr. E. V. UTTERSON.
" Good Newes and Bad Newes " was " Reprinted at the Beldornie Prefs, by G. E. Palmer, for Edwd. V. Utterfon, in the year MDCCCXLI." (the impreflion limited to fixteen copies); and by Mr. J. Payne Collier in his Yellow Series of Mifcellaneous Tracts, Temp. Eliz. & Jac. I. (the impref- fion limited to fifty copies).
XXVI. HEAVENS GLORY, SEEKE IT. EARTS VANITIE, FLYE IT. HELLS HORROR, FERE IT. LONDON, printed for Michaell Sparke. A".
1628, fm. 8vo, 141 leaves.
Two copies known : one in Dulwich College, London, and the other in the Bodleian Library. The latter copy is, however, deficient of the folding plate facing p. 133. The following entry appears in the " Stationers' Regifters " (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iv., p. 192):—
10 Januarij 1627 [i.e. 1628].
" Michael Sparkes. — Affigned ouer vnto him by Adam Iflip All the eflate right title and Interefl which he hath in the Copie hereafter mencioned viz Heavens glorye feeke it, Earthes vanity e flye it, Hells horror feare it by SAMUELL ROWLAND[S] / / vj d "
Octavius Gilchrift, referring to the third edition of 1639, remarks as follows : —
" This is the fecond of two titles, either of which might have alone ferved the purpofe of a fign at the door; the former is how-
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
ever too elaborate to be overlooked, it being very neatly engraved (the artifl's name needleflly concealed) and divided into various compartments; the fides graphically defcribing the effects and confequences of intemperance, gluttony, and other vices. At the top is the eye of Heaven encircled by the Sun and Moon, and angels founding trumpets ; at the bottom is depicted the mouth of Hell pouring forth its winged and fable inhabitants, wheeling amid flames
' In many an airy gyre.'
In the upper part of the centre are two figures, the one holding a coronet, the other a burning heart, both fupporting a fcroll, on which is infcribed
' Heaven's glory, feek it. Earth's vanity, fly it Hell's Horror, fere it.'
" Below thefe is a very neat reprefentation of a Square illumined by the Moon, in which is feen The Bell-man, accompanied by his dog, with his lanthorn in one hand, ringing a bell with the other, having his Bill, a fort of Pole-axe, the ufual companion of watch men in the elder James's reign, hanging over his moulder.
" Of the author of this ' moft excellent Treatife,'1 it may juftly be regarded as extraordinary, that no account is difcoverable (at lead as far as my refearches have extended); and though his pamphlets almoft rival in number thofe of Greene and Prynne their pre faces, thofe fruitful fources of information, throw no light upon the life or circumflances of the author. From the prefent and other of his volumes that I have read, (and thofe not a few) I judge he was an Ecclefiaftic by profeflion; and, inferring his zeal in the pulpit from his labours through the prefs, it mould feem that he was an active fervant of the church.2 The prefent volume
1 [So called in the title-page of the third edition.]
- ["The opinions of both thefe writers (Octavius Gilchrift and Sir Walter Scott) are entitled to fome refpect, but they certainly looked upon two very different fides of the queftion. Gilchrift's conjecture that he (Rowlands) was an ecclefiaftic is quite untenable, and I am fully inclined to agree with Sir Walter
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
which is a mixture of bad poetry and better profe is (as the titles indicate) divided into three parts, each part being fubdivided into fections. The profe of Samuel Rowlands muft not be compared with that of the great ecclefiaflics his contemporaries, with that of Hooker, and Hammond, and Taylor, and many others; there is how ever, a warmth and fervour in it which, while it proves the fmcerity of his feelings, fometimes rifes to one of the lower degrees of eloquence.
" ' The common calls, cries, and founds, of the Bell-man,' with which this little volume concludes, fuffice to prove that there has been no change in the quality of that venerable perfon's verfes from the reign of Charles the firfl down to that of George the third. Shreds of morality put into verfe, fcraps of fermons done in to rhyme." — See JOHN FRY'S Bibliographical Memoranda, Briftol, 1816, 4to, pp. 256, 257, 258.
" In 1628 Samuel Rowland (who, we apprehend, is not to be confounded with the popular comic poet, Samuel Rowlands) printed a pious production called ' Heavens Glory, feeke it,' &c., at the end of which he inferted, with a new title-page, ' The Common Cryes and Sounds of the Bell-man,' which only relate to what we now term ' Bell-mans Verfes :' they are all of a ferious and religious character." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER (Biblio. Account, vol. i., p. 165).
" The compilers of the two editions of Lowndes' BibL Man, have not perceived that 'Time well improved,' &c., 1657, was fub- flantially the fame work, firfl publifhed in 1628, under the title of ' Heavens Glory, feeke it,' &c." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER (Biblio. Account, vol. ii., p. 279).
" All [Rowlands' productions] were ludicrous or fatirical, unlefs we except the firfl and the lafl— -' The Betraying of Chrift/ 1598,
Scott, that Rowlands' company was not of the mofl f elect order, and that he muft often have frequented thofe 'haunts of diffipation' which he fo well defcribes in thofe works which are the known productions of his mufe." — Dr. E. F. RIMBAULT (Notes and Queries, Firft Series, vol. ii., p. 420).]
43
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
and 'Heavens Glory, feeke it,' 1628: poffibly (as we formerly remarked) they were not by him, and the fecond profefles to be by Samuel Rowland, and not Rowlands. In our index to the ' Bibl. Account,' &c., ii., 585, the miftake is made of mif-fpelling the name of Samuel Rowlands; and it is ftill more likely that it mould have been committed two hundred and fifty years ago. The two works above fpecified are unlike anything elfe Samuel Rowlands left behind him, and they were printed and publilhed by perfons whofe names, we think, do not appear on his other title- pages." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER (Introduction to " Good Newes and Bad Newes," 1622, Yellow Series, No. 14).
XXVII. The Famous Hiftory of GVY Earle of Warwicke. By SAMVEL ROWLANDS. LONDON, Printed for Edivard Brewfter at the Sign of the Crane in St. Pauls Churchyard. 1682, 4to, 44 leaves.
The copy of this work from which the reproduction was taken is in the Britifh Mufeum. It bears the date 1607, and was confequently fuppofed to be the firft edition; but after the reprint was finifhed the title-page was found to be an admirably executed facfimile. Further inveftigation, after the queftion was once raifed, proved the edition to be really that of 1682, publifhed by Edward Brewfter. Though thus a comparatively late edition, none earlier than that of 1649 in the Bodleian could be found (the edition of 1632 in the Britifh Mufeum is in fuch a mutilated ftate as to be of little value in this way) ; and as a collation fhowed no effential differences between the two, it was thought well to retain the reprint already made, fubftituting its real title-page for the fpurious one, and giving the Dedication and Argument found in the edition of 1649.
The following entry from the " Stationers' Regifters " gives the date of the original appearance of this work (Mr. ARBER'S Tranfcript, vol. iii., p. 382) : —
44
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
" 23. Junij [1608].
" William, ffeerbrand. — Entred for his copie vnder th[e hjandes of mafter JAMES SPEIGHT and Th[e] wardens A book called the famous hi/lory of Guy E\a\rle of Warivick vjd"
" This romance .... originally appeared in 1607 — at leaft no earlier edition of it is known, although an impreflion by Edward Allde, without date, may poffibly have preceded it. It was frequently reprinted down to as late a date as 1682, and it was fo popular, and fo many copies of it were deftroyed by
frequent reading, that all are of rare occurrence
In his addrefs, Rowlands has thefe lines, very applicable to the literature of the time when the romance firft appeared : —
' Moftftrange in this fame Poet-plenty-age: When Epigrams and Satyrs biting, rage : Where Paper is employed every day, To carry Verfe about the Town for pay, That Stories JJwuld intomVd with Worthies lie, And Fame, through Age extinft, obfcurely die.''
Epigrams and fatires were the fafhionable mode of writing from about 1595 to 1615, and Rowlands himfelf, as we have already mown, had given fpecimens of his talents in both." — Mr. J. PAYNE COLLIER (Siblto. Account, vol. ii., pp. 298-99).
After referring to the early romances of "Guy Earl of Warwick," Mr. Corfer, in defcribing the 1667 edition of Rowlands' verfion, goes on to fay: —
" Of the prefent verfion by Rowland[s], which varies in fome degree from the older copies, the firft edition in 1607, 410, and was followed by others, viz., by Edward Allde, 4to, without date, in 1654, 1667, 1679, and 1682, and probably more frequently ftill — all of them, from the great popularity of the work, are now of confiderable rarity, and generally bring high prices. The title- page is chiefly filled with a large woodcut, reprefenting the hero Sir Guy on horfeback in full armour, with a large plume of feathers on his helmet, and another on his horfe's head, holding a boar's head on his fpear, and a lion walking tamely by his fide. There
45
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL INDEX.
are alfo fix other woodcuts in the volume, of coarfe defign and execution, illuftrative of the principal events of the narrative. It has a profe dedication to Philip Earl of Montgomery, Lord Herbert of Sherland, followed by a poetical addrefs " To the Noble Englifh Nation;" another of three flanzas "To the Honourable Ladies of England," and " The Argument " of the
poem The poem is compofed in fix-line flanzas,
and is divided into twelve cantos, each of them preceded by a heading of four lines. Like mofl of the other works of the fame Author, it betrays flrong marks of hafle and carelefTnefs, which is apparent in many parts, and efpecially in the fecond encounter of Guy with Colbrond the Giant in the twelfth canto, whom he had already flain in the fixth, and had fent his head to the Emperor. But although betokening evident figns of hafle, fome of the de- fcriptions are written with conuderable force and (kill, as witnefs the fpirited account of Guy's rencontre with the Dragon. . . . The eleventh canto, commencing with a description of Guy's " painful pilgrim life," contains fome fine thoughts expreffed in
adequate language In this curious epifode the reader
will fcarcely fail to have brought to his remembrance the famous fpeeches in Hamlet, in which the melancholy Prince of Denmark apoflrophizes a fkull in a manner, and even in words to which fome of the prefent lines bear a (Iriking fimilarity. That Shakef peare was indebted in any refpecl to Rowland[s] for the flighted hint of the fpeeches referred to is highly improbable, even although we were to fuppofe that the poem of the ' Hiflory of Guy of War wick ' was written and circulated in manufcript for fome years pre vious to its publication in 1607, nor is it neceffary to prefume that Rowland[s] derived his ideas from the work of the more diftin- guiflied poet. Reflections of this kind are common to all languages and to all literatures; and there is much in the above flanzas which may have been derived from the longer verfions of the old and well- known Englifli tranflation of the ' Dialogue between the Body and the Soul,' or from fome other fources of a like character." — Rev. THOMAS CORSER : unpublifhed MS. of Colleftanea Anglo-Poetica.
XXVIII. Mifcellaneous Poems. 4to, 12 leaves.
THE
BETRAYING
OF CHRIST.
I V D A S in defpaire.
The feuen Words of our Sauior on the Croffe.
WITH Other Poems on the Pafsion.
LONDON.
Printed by Adam Iflip i598.
TO THE RIGHT WOR-
fhipfull, Sir Nicholas WalJJi Knight, cheefe
luftice of her Maiefties court of common pleas in
Ireland, and of her HighneJJTe counfaile there.
Lbeit (right Worfhipfull) that the art of Poefie is in fort dealt withall, as Cac^l,s once vfed Hercules oxen, when he drew them backewards vp the hill : being cuftomarily in thefe daies wrefted and turned to the fooleries of Loue, and fuch like bafe fubie6t of fancies abortiue births, conuer- ting Poetries imploiment to follies vfe, and wit ill fpent runnes violent that way, with the current of errour. Yet hath it a natiue diuine off-fpring and iffue, wherof partaking kindly, floates with a calme tempered gale from all
Aiij mif-
mifcarying wracke, to the harbour of a quiet applaufe. The vpright and beft approoued cenfure I prefume gains your Worfhips ver- tuous allowance, to whofe wifdome and gra- uitie affociate with an heroicall fprite, I dedi cate affections teftimony by thefe vnpolifhed lines, crauing your fauourable fault-fhadow- ing view, if in the manner any thing appeare defe6liue, trufting that as a fruitfull tree the more it is fruitladen, the more it declineth, fo your plenteous accoplifhed vertues wil hum ble them in daining to accept the loue I reue- rence you withall : wifhing your Wor- fhip Worlds profperitie, and Hea- uens happineffe.
Yours in the be/I endeuours ofaffeftion.
S. R.
Ven when no beauties of the garnifht skie Had left the view of Heauen-makers wonder, And Phebus deeds were gallop 'd porting by Their hafty fpeed had got the worlds half vn- Yea eu'ry creature that had life or fprite, (der, Mourn'd at the darke approch of vgly night :
An hoft of fwarteft fable foggie clouds, Wrapt in faire Qinthia from her filuer fhine, Mantling her brightneffe with their obfcure fhrouds As though heav'ns lampe were come to latefl fine, Her cannapie of flarres was eke vnfeene, Whereon (he wonted mount, imperious Queene.
The airy winged people gone to reft, Had clear'd with day, not left a note vnpaid, All other creatures that might be expreft, In caues and holes for nights repofe were laid, Of wild, or tame, none raung'd or ran aftray, But rauenous, by darke that hunt for pray.
Thicke
Poems upon the Pafsion.
Thicke miftie vapours were difperfed foule,
Prohibiting day-followers to be feene,
Difpenfing only with the (hriking Owle,
And eies that Nature put lights hate betweene, Such as were banifht from the face of day, To lurke the couert fhameleffe night away.
Then child of vtter darkneffe, lights offence,
Intituled: The loft fonne of perdition,
Hired againft his Lord for thirty pence
To be a traitor vnder hels commifsion,
In this nights time, did rebell troupes increafe To manage armes againft the Prince of peace.
Toward Cedron brooke th'accurfed leader goes, With horfe and foot, weapon'd with launce and fpeare, His bleffed maifter vs'd that walke he knowes, Vnworthy wretch had oft ben with him there, Oft as a friend the place he did frequent, But now foe-harted, trecherous of intent.
As in a garden Adam difobayed,
And there became a captiue to the diuell,
So in a garden lefus was betrayed,
To fuffer death for Adams former euill : Within a garden Adams crime offended, For which Chrift was in garden apprehended.
And
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
And as in pleafures garden at the fall, For Adams clothing, dead beafts skins God gaue, In euidence that death went ouer all, And that his garment might prefage his graue: So Chrift in garden tombe and dead mans fhrowd, Defray 'd our debts, with paiment beft alowd.
Ouer the brooke, to garden they repaire, (Swift were their feet about the (heading blood) Euen to the place that lefus vs'd for praier, Where he intreated grace for finners good, Where he confulted to redeeme and faue: Thither they came, refolu'd his life to haue.
With eafie fearch the guiltleffe may be found, Whofe quiet thoughts and peace vnite in one, A voice, Whom feeke you? threw them all to ground, A power diuine, to make true godhead knowne. lefus came forth, encountred them with breath, And they at once fell backward all to th'earth.
Had then his will confented to his power,
If luftice had appear 'd, and mercy hid,
They had defcended hell that finfull hower,
Like £orah, Dathan, and Abiram did, Where th'one was feandale to the feruant done, The other was rebellion gainft the fonne.
B While
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
While leroboam ftretcht his threatning hand (Right infolent and full of daring pride) To flay the Prophet, giuing ftricft command, Judgement laid hold on him, his hand was dryde: But thefe in armes, and violent enterprife, Though throwne to ground, doe vnrepentant rife,
Deaths harbenger vnto Damafco towne,
Then bloody-mind Saint-perfecuting Saul
Was with like powreful voice from heauen thrown down,
But to conuerfion grace imploy'd his fall/
With greater fauour, bliffe can none acquaint, Then crowne a greeuous (inner, glorious Saint.
But thefe vvhofe hearts were hardned, fight extinct, Haters of knowledge, children of the night, At war with God, in league with Sathan linckt Groffe darkneffe followers, fhunners of the light, Stiffe necked, ftubborne, and rebellious lewes, Contemne faluation; offered grace refufe.
Wifdomes beloued, Ifraels wifeft king, Doth fay the wicked cannot deeping reft, Till they are pleafed with fome ill done thing; The worfer deed, the doer likes for beft:
A minute fpent in good, feems long loth'd day, A night of finne, but moment ftolne away.
How
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
How toilefome tedious had that watching bin,
If vertue had perfuaded thereunto,
But Owle-eied they became to compaffe fin,
Fit was the time fo foule a fad: to do:
That work of darkneffe, ioin'd with darkneffe power Might meet together all in darkneffe hower.
When they fhonld reft, their malice not indur'd it,
For malice neuer clofeth fleeping eies,
And when they fhould not wake, reuenge procur'd it,
Reuenge, doth hourely, fome reuenge deuife, Who rides the deuill hath no curbe they fay, For malice drawes, and fury fpurs away.
Th'vnfeemely vprore, to the night vnkind, Happening as frightfull as in fires danger, Caus'd him make haft that left his clothes behind, Hardly entreated, like vnwelcome ftranger, For in retire, his cafe like lofephs ftands, Who left his garment in his miftreffe hands.
T'was no offence fpringing from his intent, That did demerite violent force refift him, Yet pawn'd he fhirt for skin before he went, Gladdeft when naked gone that rage had mift him, What furies guided this mifguided fwarmef To bend their force againft vnthoughted harme.
B ij When
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
When traitor meets, thefe quaint deceits he had,
In gefture, kind imbracements with a kiffe;
In words, All haile, God faue thee, or be glad;
Yet murder, blood, and death, lies hid in this, This cup of gold did poifons draught begin, This greene had ferpents lurking hid within.
The word All haile, feru'd loab to falute, (Good words do often make for ill pretence,) But Abner found a mortal 1 ftab the fruit, While falfhood fpake, twas murder did infence: Like that, was this of hidas falfe intent, By word, God faue, the deed Deftroy was ment.
All haile, the Angell reuerently did vfe, With heau'nly tongue, to holy virgins eare, All haile, in Pilats hall they did abufe, That fcorning Chrift, prefented Aite there, Higheft in fauour of all women gain'd it, And chiefeft finner of all men, profan'd it.
Firft word it was, Gods gracious loue tv'nfold Beginning at our fauiours incarnation, Firft word wherewith falfe ludas bought and fold, Whofe trafficke turn'd Chrifts death, his own damnation. What profite his that all the world fhould winnef With foule in deaths eternall debt by fmne.
Why
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Why com'ft thou friend ? what mean'ft thou, lefus faid,
At th'inftant houre my praiers and teares commend thee,
To giue a kiffe whereby I am betraide,
And with, All haile, brings troupes to apprehend meef I tearme thee friend, vngratefull as thou art, That fhow'fl nor friend nor yet difciples part.
To call thee friend, it doth thus much betoken, No caufe in me hath canfeld loues defire, But thy reuolting hath our friendfhip broken, Vnaltred I remaine the fame entire:
If thou with Daiiid, I haue finned, couldft fay, His anfwere thine, Thy finne is done away.
Returne thee with repentant hearts imbrace, And mercy fhall with iuftice dome fufpend, I left not thee, why doeft thou run from grace, Though thou haft fold me, ftill I call thee friend, But if thou wilt not be reclaimed backe, Be thou thy felfe thine owne foules wilfull vvracke.
When murder had faluted, treafon kift,
And bribery imbrac'd with figne of gladneffe,
In which the traitors feruice did confift,
Then prefs'd the lewes on Chrift with furious madneffe, Like hunger-paunched wolues prone to deuour The lambe fubiedled to their rauening power.
B iij Right
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Right manly valiant Peter did him beare, When no difciple durft attempt the like, T'vnfheath his fword, and cut off Malcus eare, Againft an armed multitude to ftrike,
Danger and feare are cowards turnd afide
When manhood is by refolution tride.
But lefus did no humane forces need, That legions had of Angels at command, And Peter had no charge to fight, but feed The flocke of fheepe committed to his hand, It was Gods will to fuffer, not refift, His power gaue power, and finne did what it lift.
He was content, their violent force mould bind him And lead him thence vnto the torturing place, To teare his flefh with whips to mocke and blind him, To buffet and to fpit vpon his face.
T'accufe him falfe by flanders lying breath,
To dome him fentence mames moft odious death.
j&&gi;g&sB
jg¥1hi>ifr? in defpaire.
Errors torment my tortur'd foule perplexed, Fell furies fright, and hale me on away, To Cayphas and the reft with horrour vexed Goes Simons fonne, Gods fon did falfe betray, Such is my finne againft that guiltleffe blood, No baulme in Ifrael left to doe me good.
They anfwer'd, careleffe of my wretched ftate, IVhafs that to vs? Looke thou thy f elf e vnto it, Then vengeance I expedl, grace comes too late, Refolue no leffe, for that you brib'd me do it, Sathan feduc'd, I adled the offence, Defpaire is come, there lies your thirty pence.
I am perditions child, outcaft forlorne, All haile in word, but in the heart all hatefull, It had ben good, fo bad had nere ben borne, That of all creatures am the moft ingratefull :
Oh had I neuer liu'd, furuiuing fhame
Had vnreported hid my odious name.
Bafe
Poems vpou the Pafsion.
Bafe couetoufneffe no more Gehezies finne, My intreft in that crime doth thine controule, Thou waft but leaper of polluted skinne, My leprofie is a defiled foule:
Thou took'ft a bribe againft thy maifters will, But I was brib'd to kiffe, and kift to kill.
Maries good worke Chrift promis'd to commend
Perpetually in euer-liuing praife,
But my vile act beyond all ftinted end,
Shall euidence I trod the left hand waies, My title thus the Scriptures mall record : Judas I f car lot h, that betrayd the Lord.
Three euils in one I did commit, in this That gainft the King of glory I haue done : Deceit betray 'd with fhew of kind-men t kiffe, Couetoufneffe incenft, that finne begun, Impudent boldneffe did intrude the deed, Ere any mou'd or wifht me to proceed.
I knew the choife, and gainefull happie way, That heauens gate, was ftraighteft dore to enter, I taught the world, take heed broad paths doe ftray, And yet my felfe the wide-gate wilfull venter, Like Noahs workemen, fuch my ftate is found They built an arke for him, themfelues were drownd.
I
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
I haue excluded faiths refolued truft In him by whom the true repentant Hue, Cain-like affirming nought but vengeance muft Reward my finnes, mercy no fuch forgiue: My heart's indurate, hardned, vnrelenting, Paft is the deed, the doer paft repenting.
Though Dauid found remorfe to vvaile his finne, And Nathans comfort, eas'd his mournfull taske, Diftruft and horrour haue fo hemd me in, That might I haue, I hopeleffe will not aske;
Feare, fhame, and guilt do haunt me at the heeles, Of iudgement, men, and what my confcience feeles.
My dying foule, refufmg liuing meane,
Denies with heav'nly Manna to be fed
A fea of teares can neuer rince it cleane,
Yet could one drop, that drop fhould ne're be fhed. What teares, what praiers can his atonement make, Whofe portion is in vengeance fearefull lakef
Mine inward confcience doth foules ruine tell, Authenticke witneffe, and feuere accufer, Where I abide, I feeling find a hell Tormenting me, that am felfe torment chufer:
Sound confcience well is faid like wall of braffe;
Corrupted, fit compar'd to broken glaffe.
C More
poems vpon the pafsion.
More blind then thofe whofe fight fight-giuer gaue, More deaffe and dumbe then any that he cured, More dead then Lazarus in his ftincking graue, When he deaths vaut till fift daies baile indured. Not eies, eares, limmes, tongue, body, haue defect, It is my foule, that faluing heauens reiect.
If firft borne man, the firft of defp'rate mind, By whom the firft of guiltleffe blood was fhed, Did fay, There was no grace for him to find, But vengeance mud be heaped on his head: Let me (finnes monfter, maffe of curfed euill) Bid Sathan welcome, and imbrace the deuill.
When Chrift (hall come in clouds, and finnes be fcand, All Adams fonnes expecting rightfull dome, I wretch amongfl the goats fhall trembling (land, The right-hand fheepe, affoord no traitor roome, To crie Lord, Lord, this anfwere fhall be got, Depart you curfed, hence I know you not.
The cafting out of deuils then objected, Will ceafe no wrath, extenuate no dangers: Not words with God, well doing is refpected, His Citizens deeds difference from the flrangers, Me thinkes I heare the iudge, fterne, full of ire/ Pronounce my fentence to eternall fire.
Was
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Was I not cald to heav'ns roiall feaft? I was: but came as one that little cared, How came I ? brutifh like vnreuerent beaft, Wanting a wedding garment, vnprepared : Bold daring wretch in fuch a facred place, To preffe in finnes caft fuite, rent, torne, and bafe.
But fearefull guerdon for fo foule attempt, All-feeing eies beheld my rags bewray 'd, And moft feuerely thence he did exempt, Bind him both hand and foot (his iuflice faid) And caft him out, no fuch may here partake, The Lambe with Sion, Sathan and the Lake.
Would I had neuer knowne Apoftles place, Would I had ne're ben meffenger of truth, Would I had neuer preacht the way to grace, Would I had ne're ben borne, or died in youth : Who knowes his maifters will and doth neglect it, Sore ftripes and many (hall feuere correct it.
I muft falute AJhur and Elams traines,
To drinke with Tuball of the wrathfull cup,
Edom inuites me to th'infernall paines
No time of grace, with Chrift againe to fup,
Nowfeaft where teeeth are gnafht& hands are wrong, Where Dittes begs for drops to coole his tong.
C ij Down
Poems 'upon the Pafsion.
Downe by the way that Corah went to hell,
Like Dathan and Abiram to defcend
Where furies, fiends and damned ghofts do dwell,
And euer torments, neuer know an end,
Let earth deuide and opening fwallow then, The moft accurs'd of all the fonnes of men.
The man that from lerufalem defcended, And hapned in the hands of bloody theeues, A pittifull Samaritane befriended With mercy, and his hard diftreffe releeues: Such holy loue, true charity fuppli'd him, Pitty was prefent and no grace deni'd-him.
But I from new lerufalem retyr'd The reflfull Canaan, happineffe vnbounded, For thirty pence hels iourny being hyr'd, In Sathans fnares I fell, that theefe hath wounded: And prieft is paft, Samaritane gone by, Seeing me cureleffe, careleffe let me lie.
Ah Magdalen fower forrowes turn'd thy fweet, Well didft thou weepe to warn, and vvafhing gaine, With hairie towell wiping lefus feet, Thy true repentant teares did grace obtaine : While I thy vertues fought to haue difgraft, Tearming that holy worke, A needleffe waft.
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
But happy woman, guiltleffe waft' controld, How falfely did I vvifh thy ointment fpared ? How couetous faid I, Better this been fold And giun the poor e, waft for the poore I cared? Ah no, my guilty confcience doth deny it, I bare the purfe, and would haue gained by it.
Sampfon, till Sathan fierce Philiftine caught me, And in his rage put out my fprituall eies, Then blind in finne, to £ayphas houfe he brought me, Againft the piller where all mercy lies, I bent my force to mooue the corner ftone, Deftrudtion fell, my felfe deftroy'd alone.
Like lezabels, fo my corrupted thought, When me complotted for good Naboths ground, Cleare purchafe twas, her wile his vineyard bought; Such feem'd my bribe, I held it money found :
But fee how foone fweet finnes conuert to fower,
I loath for euer, that I lou'd an hower.
Thefe three deuide my foule, Fear, Thought, & Anguifh,
Their intreft is the forfaits of my fall,
But while in claime they ftriuing let me languifh,
The roaring Lion comes and feazeth all:
Infatiable ferpent pleas'd with nought but this, Both foule and body muft be graunted his.
C iij If
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
If graceleffe outcafts in this world begin To taft of fecond death's tormenting power, If foules furpriz'd by felfe-wrought murdring fmne, Turne vengeance glaffe to run a ftayleffe hower, Then here in earned of perpetuall care, I vveare damnations liuery, blacke defpaire.
Deuorc'd from mercy, alienate from grace, Reft of repentance, wedded vnto euill, From higheft calling, downe to loweft place, From chofen Twelue, a Tingled outcaft deuill ; From th'holy city lou'd of God fo well, Within whofe ftreets may no vncleaneffe dwell.
When Chrift foretold intended treafon nie, By one of vs his guefts to be betray 'd Each ftraight inquir'd, Lord is it /, or I? But my demand had anfwer, Thou hasJ faid.
I that was fed that night with loues regard,
Return'd the giuer treafon for reward.
Darke night, black deed, blind foule, and Sathans flaues
Did fit, defile, deftroy it felfe, did further,
With fhade, with fmne, with death, with clubs & ftaues,
T'intrap, betray, condemne, afsifl to murder,
The Lambe of God, the rocke, the dore, the vine,
The Angels brightneffe, heav'ns eternall fhine.
Much
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Much vvorfe, though Ioab-\\ke I gaue a kiffe, I pris'd my birth-right bafe, at Efawes gaine, I putchas'd hell with loffe of heauens bliffe, And in effecl;, exchanged ioy for paine. Oh foolifh fot, vile earthly droffe efteemer, To fell true life, dead Adams fonnes redeemer.
Thou partiall hand fwai'd fword of Peters drawne, I mould ben mangled, and not Malcus eare, Like currifh dog, it was my flattering fawne, Did bite my maifter vvorfe then any there, Miftaken champion in thy valour fwaruing, To giue his eare my trecherous hearts deferuing.
I was cheefe adlor in the lewifh fpight, I was a captaine to that rafcall rout, I wrought the tumult of that guilty night, I was blind guide, to that they went about, They all expecled notice come from me, Till craft had kift, they knew not which was he.
Falfe tongue, pronounc'd All haile to hurtfull end, When hollow heart fequeftred loues true zeale, Heav'ns mildneffe asked, Why art thou come friend? Straight violent hands, not words, our thoughts reueale. Call him not friend, that fauors moft of foe, Tearme me thy hangman, for I merite fo.
In
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
In death's purfute, infatiate thirfting blood, We pofted thence to Priefts, with rudefl throng, Where purefl lambe before his fhearer flood, Pleading not guilty, by truths filent tong, Ther's craft accufmg, hate helps to deuife, And falfhood forgeth, in a mint of lies.
My impious eies beheld without remorfe, The graceleffe vfage of heau'ns gracious king, Scornd, fpit at, mocked, yet repentance force, Sought not for fhelter vnder mercies wing, In all thefe euils I pitttied not his paine, Til being condemn'd, then greeu'd my greeues in vain.
No true contrition had my faults defence, Though I confefs'd I finn'd in his betraying, Twas defp'rate fatisfadlion came from thence, For faith was liueleffe, mould ben vengeance flaying, Wrath is gone forth, was Mofes admonition, But lights on me, that am for wraths perdition.
What wondrous obiedls haue mine eies beheld, Deaffe, dumbe and lame, the blind and cureleffe, cured; The flubborne winds with checkiug calmely flild, The dead reuiu'd, death's fleepe foure daies indured, Fiue loaues, two fifh, fiue thoufands fatisfied, Yet more then much, fpare crums were multiplied.
My
22
Poems 'upon the Pafsion.
My tafl did witneffe water turn'd to wine, One cur'd that toucht my maifters vefture hemme, Commanded deuils forth men, to enter fwine, And in the fea deftrudtion plunging them,
Mine eares haue heard, and eies haue feene the fight That Kings haue vvifht, and Prophets neuer might.
Yet he that's cal'd manflaier from beginning, Deceiuer, dragon, ferpent, father of lies, God of this world, author of humane finning, Hardner of hearts, blinder of fpirituall eies, Prince of the aire, malicious euill fprite, Made me hels gueft, whom heav'ns did kind inuite.
Like as the brauing greene, but barren tree (That flourifht faire when not a figge was found) Chrift curs'd with, Neuer fruit grow more on thee, Becaufe it did no good, but comber ground : So fares the falfe deluding fhow of mine, Greene leav'd beginning, withered fruitleffe fine.
Could finnes-befotted, hell-path wrandrers, fee The horrours on an outcaft wretch impofed, Or fence the inward worme that gnaweth me, (Bondflaue to bondage neuer to be lofed)
They would retire the flefh mofl fearefull race, To auoid hels gaole, obtain'd with loffe of grace.
D Me
Poems upon the Pafsion.
Me thinkes my confcience turnes a blacke leav'd booke, Titl'd Diftruft, dedicate to Defpaire, Where couetous eie and traitrous heart do looke On vengeance lines, pointed this period, Care; The argument is fhame, the fubiect finne, The'index thus explaines the euils therein:
A poftle once, increafing Chrifts eleuen, B agbearer, to the charge of purfe afsign'd, Q ailed to preach faluations path to heauen, D eftructions heire, the word of wicked mind: E nuying at good vvorke by others done, F aithleffe to God, falfe hearted to his fonne.
G reedy to gaine on earth, with heauens loffe, H opeleffe of mercy, in fin's moft diftreffe, / udas whofe kifle prefag'd Chrifts dying croffe, K nowledge contemner, errors foule fucceffe. L oitrer in holy harueft, place abufer, M urdrer of life, mine owne damnation chufer.
N aked of grace, the fouleft ere defiled, O ffences adtor in the higheft degree, P rouoking wrath, from mercies throne exiled, Q uenching the fprite, that erft gaue light in me, R enouncing glories race to gain the crowne, S eruant to finne, whofe hire pale death laies downe.
T raitor
poems vpon the pafsion.
T raitor to God, that breathing earth deluded,
Z/ nholy-thoughted, full of bitter gall,
/^oes querrifter, from Angels quires excluded,
X pian the outward, inward, not at all,
Y oaked by fmne perpetuall, Sathans flaue, Z eale in his feruice loft, that none can faue.
This regifter records the race I run,
By caracters fpelling my future woe,
A tragedy by me muft be begun,
On hels blacke ftage, for there to act I goe,
Since eies of God, and all in heauen abhorre me, I will defcend, the pit hath conforts for me.
Curs'd be the parents that ingendred me, Curs'd be the wombe that bare, and paps that fed, Curs'd be the day when I worlds light did fee, Curs'd be the houre my foule from grace was led,
Curs'd be the time when I did entertaine
Curfed affection, to accurfed gaine.
Retire for euer from the fweet fociety Of Peter, lames, and lohn, true heires of grace; Conuerfe remaine of Time, with all impiety, No eie henceforth mall view Chrifts traitors face, End loathed daies, my fact abhorres your light, Wrap me from eies cole-fac'd eternall night.
D ij Sauls
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Sauls frightfull gueft, that fence depriuing fprite, Outragious rauing fury vvhifpers, Hang thee, What Syon tunes, or Dauids harpe delight, Can ceafe or eafe the horrours that do pang me? Then be my inftrument one iarring firing, And treble woe, the houling note I fing.
Bufh-creeping Caine, beholding for thy end
More to an arrow, then the marke-mans aime;
I doe difdaine blind Lamech mould befriend,
None in my tragedy mall action claime: But I and Sathan we haue both agreed, To leaue the world a defp'rate damned deed.
Not to difmount a check-cloud earthy heape, Or make foule paffage by a poinard point, Nor to bequeath the fea a drowning leape; But fatall cord (hall cracke my breathing ioint,
Abfolons tree, prowd Hamans halter-knell,
And I the hangman, like Achitophell.
Lead on defpaire, confounder of my fprite, Direct vnto fome nooke of hellifh (hade, For fhames fake, be it gloomier then that night In which by me heav'ns brightneffe was betraide/ Blacker then death, more fable hew'd then hell, Where fulpher flames, with vtter darkneffe dwell.
Harder
Poems 'upon the Pafsion.
Harder then Pharoahs tenne times hardned heart, Bloudier then Abels butcher, far inclin'd; End traitors life, begin a hangmans part, Let hangmans part performe thy defp'rate mind, Thy defp'rate mind be vvitneffe th'art accurft, Rent heart, drop blood, gum bowels, belly burft.
Peters teares at the Cockes crowing.
Ome fharpeft greefs imploy repentant eies, Taske them as bitter drops as ere were fhed, Send teares to earth, and fighs vp to the skies, This inflant houre a Soule and Sorrows wed, Sweet teares and fighs, at dolours deere requefts, Come you & yours my harts right welcom gefts.
Let eies become the fountaines of my teares, And let my teares be flouds to moift my heart, And let my heartfull of repentant feares, By teares and forrowes, turne a true conuert: At bafe objections of as bafe a maid, With oths and curfes I haue Chriffc denai'd.
The
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
The vvatchfull bird that centinels the morne, Shrill herald to Auroraes early rifing, That oft proclaimes the day ere day be borne, Diftinguifher from pitch-fac'd nights difguifmg, Surceas'd to heed, why nature taught him crow, And did exclaime on me for finning fo.
O haughty vaunts refembling skie-bred thunder, How far remote your actions ftand aloofe, A coward heart kept words and deeds afunder, Stout champion brags are quailed in the proofe. Weake womans breath hath ouerthrowne a rocke, And humane pride is daunted by a Cocke.
Harken this birds rebuke; and harkning, fearer Falfe periur'd tongue, now are thy boaftings tri'de, Chrift hardeft fortunes part thou vowd'ft to beare, But loe a cocke doth crow it, thou haft li'de:
Thy deedleffe words, words vnconfirmd by truth, Haue turnd mine eies to teares, my heart to ruth.
The daies approch that whilome nature taskes, He chaunted not, nor ment blacke nights defcending, But foule fac'd finne, from fcarffing words vnmaskes; Plie bitter teares your fuite, for wraths fufpending, Eies that when Chrift fweat blood, fecure did fluber, Now med more tears then truthles tong can number.
Lament
Poems vpon the pafsion.
Lament my foule thy ftate, a ftate diftreft,
Thou art reuolt from true felicity,
Sigh forrowes forth, let greefes weepe out the reft,
Weepe wretched man repleat with mifery, Let neuer eies giue cheekes a fpace to drie, Till teares regaine loft grace in mercies eie.
Weepe falteft brinifh teares, the more the fweeter. Weepe fatisfaction, fmnes repentant foule, Weepe fraile difciple, woman-daunted Peter, Weepe weakling, fubiect to a Cockes controule, Weepe Chrifts deniall, vvorft of all thy crimes, And ouervveepe each teare tenne thoufand times.
O God from whom all graces doe abound, For thy afsifting aid I humbly call, Lend mercies hand to raife from finfull ground, And being on foot, protect againft like fall, Thy fauours Lord I truly do implore, Rifmg to ftand, (landing to fall no more.
The I ewes mocking of Chrifi.
jOntempt, reproch, difdaine and fpight,
meeting had in Pilats hall, !To fcoffe at Chrift, fmne to delight Hell furies, and themfelues withall: In purple robe they did him place, Meane while their foules difrob'd of grace.
A thornie crowne vpon his head,
A reed (for fcepter) in his hand,
Foes guard him round, all friends were fled,
Aloofe his poore Difciples (land. All haile was heard on ev'ry fide, And he fwaied mod, could moft deride.
They blind his fight, whofe foules more blind Had quite extinct the light of grace, They buffet him, and bid him find Who 'twas that ftrooke him on the face: All fpeech of fpight and damned ieft, With euery vice, was in requeft.
When
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
When fierce Philiftians had difmaid The penfiue Saul, and forc'd him flie, To him that bare his fpeare, he faid Oh draw thy fword, friend me to die,
Let not my deaths-man be my foe,
Leaft fcorning fhame difhonour fo.
Such greefes a noble heart doth find,
To heare reprochfull words offence,
Like forrowes cannot gall his mind,
If mortall wounds mould rid him hence: The thoughts that haughty courage beares, Greeue more at words then deaths pale feares.
Then what report can aptly mow
The pafsions Chrifts afflicted foule
(Through taunts and fcoffes) did vndergoe,
By lewifh abiect bafe controule?
By fo much more his greefes increaft, By how much more his guilt was leaft.
Aboue all flefh that ere was borne,
Of iniuries he moft indur'd,
Becaufe inflicted wrongfull fcorne,
No fpot of crime in him procurd, If one offend and fhame difpleafe, The fault compar'd 'twill fomewhat eafe.
E Th'Egip-
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Th'Egiptians greeuing of the lewes,
And the Philiftians vexing Saul,
The mockes the children once did vfe
T'offend Gods Prophet therewithal!, And Michols fcoffing Ifraels king, Were common wrongs, a daily thing.
Such wrongs, of wrongs vfurpe the name,
To thofe extreames to lefus done,
The world hath neuer knowne like fhame,
Of that finne laid vpon Gods fonne, It had been iuft, on man accurft, If forrowes had perform'd their worfl,
But when a pure and holy life, With fpot or blemifh neuer ftayn'd, Twixt God and man (hall vmpire ftrife, To be himfelfe for guilty payn'd :
What wrongs fo great, what paines were fuch?
Who but a God would doe fo much?
The feuen words of Chrift vpon the Croffe.
Pater ignofce illis^quia nefciun faciunt.
At her (our Sauiors loue to fmners, cries) Forgiue them this their fm to me hath donne, For they by whom my tortur'd body dies, Know not they murder thy life-giuing fonne: IVhat I indure, in flefh and fprite deuiding, They do it through blind ignorance mifguiding.
Oh Charity of wondrous Admiration, And patience farre extending humane fence, Sunfhine of grace, to deed of darke damnation, True pardoner, to pardonleffe offence,
Not crauing eafe for felfe fuftaining woes,
But fauour for his perfecuting foes.
Pleading for thofe whofe tongues did moft defame him, Soliciting for them that did accufe him, Excufing fuch as wickedly did blame him, Tendring of loue where hatred did refufe him, Their ordur'd foules feeking fo to refine, Grace might reduce them to celeftiall fhine.
E ij His
33
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
His fute imports, his holy thoughts did fay, Inflict not iuftice on thefe fmne-defiled, Vpon my flefh thine angers burden lay, Graunt nothing be to thee vnreconfiled,
Leaft my redemption mould vnperfect feeme,
Or any finne I did not full redeeme.
He would not haue our finnes afcend vp fo, That they fhould come vnto his fathers fight, Nor yet his fathers vengeance fall fo low, That on vs finne committers it fhould light,
But plac'd himfelfe betwixt both wrath and finne, True reconcilement, by true loue to winne.
For Murderers that gainft his life tranfgreffed, With meekeft loue he humbly craued grace For fuch, as their vile finne left vnconfeffed, And ftill fpit venome in their makers face,
That peirc'd his heart, from which his blood abounds, To them he giues acquittance for his wounds.
They to the Citty would not backe repaire, Ere cruelty haue left him life-depriued, He would not die, before his feruent praier, Intreats to haue their dying foules reuiued, His fprite from forth his body paft no rather, But forth his mouth went with it, Pardon father.
FINIS.
34
Amen dico tibi^ hodie mecnm eris in Paradifo.
\Rttly I fay, that am heau'ns glory giuer, 170 thee true penitent repentant theefe, This day, from a defil'd and fmfull liuer Shalt thou be Sainted in exiling greefe, With me this day thou paffeft to the bleft, In Paradife, where glorious Angels reft.
Euen at the wane of life, the dying hower, This happy theefe did offer God his heart, His daies were dedicate to Sathans power, Only remain'd one moment to conuert
Wherein he gaue his heart to him that ought it, Preuenting him that long in hope had fought it.
The hellifh foe flood bold vpon his claime, Becaufe to theeues he is mifguiding guider, But heau'nly friend did countermaund the fame Being Tinners father, Mercies firme prouider No fooner did his true contrition fay, Lord thinke on me, but Sathan loft his pray.
E iij Caines
35
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Caines offering was a facrifice of corne, Abels the Lambes, (the meekeft vnto (laughter) Annaes the fonne that of her vvombe was borne, lepthaes his fole and deere affected daughter, Noe weathers, Abraham doues, and Dauid gold, Melchifidech of wine did offrings hold.
All thefe did offer things of great efteeme, Yet none fo rich as this poore theefe prefented, And offered heart to God doth greater feeme, Then what by heauen and earth can be inuented, Nothing more gratefull vnto Mercies throne, Then gift of heart, due debt to heauen alone.
That debt of all the thefts which he had donne, His fatisfaclion rightly did reftore, Repaying in one hower to the Sonne, What all his life rob'd father of before,
Obtaining grace, for all deferts of ft rife,
To be recorded in the booke of life.
His wandring courfes are retyr'd from danger,
Vnto the harbour of a Chriftian reft,
He liu'd to new lerufalem a ftranger,
But was at death free Cittizen profeft, With Chrift on croffe, gaining in three houres more Then ludas did in yeares for howers before.
FINIS.
Mulier ecce Filius tuus.
.Oman true map of greefes, obiect of woes, \Behold thy fonne, fmnes heauy burden beares, Thy vveepingeies, Sorrows right methode (hows, Sonne bath'd in blood, and Mother vvafhd in teares, A dying Sonne, repleat with fathers hate, A penfiue Mother moft difconfolate.
Of all affections that the foule admits, On which loues fauours doe moft firmly build, That loue in place of fupreme foundneffe fits, Which is deriu'd from parent to the child,
Then loffe of that muft needs proue heartieft greefe, That from the heart takes place and offfpring cheefe.
If Dauid lou'd his Abfolon fo well,
That he with weeping wifhd t'haue died for him,
Who falfe and difobedient did rebell,
Yet did his loue no whit the more abhorre him, Or reuerent lacob, teares aboundant fried, To heare his fonnes but faine their brother dead.
If
37
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
If holy lob himfelfe fo patient bore, To giue meeke eare to many a greeuous croffe, Deftruction of his cattell, flockes, and ftore, Vntill he heard his deereft childrens loffe, And then his greefes extreameft did abound, Renting his garments, falling on the ground.
Needs muft (in mournfull forrow's dire complaints) The bleffed Virgin farre excell all other, What foule (with dolours euer fo acquaints) As this moft carefull comfort wanting Mother, To fee her God, life, father, loue and fonne, By bitt'refl torments vnto death be donne.
No earthly loue on fuch perfection grounded, But that the fame may be defectiue proued, Loue of the fonne to mother was vnbounded, Sonne of the mother, was the like beloued. All power of Angels, powreleffe only proues, To weigh or meafure thofe vnmeafur'd loues.
Of loue, with woes by croffe me weping flood, There fending fighs to heav'n, and teares to ground, Of loue, with paines on croffe he dreamed blood, There death he conquer'd, hell he did confound. Such was his loue that lou'd when we were hatefull, To die for loue, when finne was moft vngratefull.
FINIS.
De^ls meus, deus meus, vt quid me dereliquifti?
yGod(fa\& Chrifl) when God to God coplained, \My God, who am true God and perfect man, Why haft thou my diftres'd eflate refrained, Thou doeft feuere finnes imputation fcan, Forfaken in this flrait, thy felfe bereauing, Me to afflictions cruel'fl torments leauing.
Vntaught (till now) was lefus to complaine, Though infinite the wrongs he vnder-went, He welcom'd euery torment, greefe, and paine, Afflictions could not mooue his difcontent,
All gaue offence, which he imputes to none,
Only his father now accus'd alone.
When violence did with outrage apprehend him, His patient yeelding did moft meekely beare it, When blafphemies with taunts of fpight offend him, He filent feem'd as though he did not heare it, In all the furie they did execute, He ftood like lambe before the fhearer mute.
F He
39
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
He not complain'd of Peter that denide him, Nor yet of ludas that moft falfe betrayde him, Nor thofe in Pilats hall, that did deride him, Nor graceleffe lewes (his owne) that difobay'd him: But his complaint was of his father made, Not meant to thofe denide, condemn'd, betray 'de.
Gods angry wrath feuerely fet gainft finne, (The wares that Sathan fold, man dearely bought) With loffe of grace the trafficke did beginne, Heau'ns loffe, foules death, hels dome eternall wrought, That wrath on Chrifts humanity abounded, Who only cur'd, what finne had mortall wounded.
As man threw finne at God, as in defpight, And God caft plagues, on man reuenge to fall, The finne wherewith man gainft his God did fight, And punifhments God chaftned man withall,
On Chrift (that flood twixt wrath and finne) was laid, He could not finne, yet finners finne was made.
He laid our forrowes burden on his fprite,
When he indur'd his bitter agonie,
He tooke our death on him, wounding deaths might,
When he on croffe, Deaths conquerour did die. He vnderwent afflictions heauieft loade, Reducing foules from hell, to heau'ns aboade.
FINIS.
Thirft, fift word on Croffe our Sauiour fpake, Concluding laft of greefes he fuffered, His laft complaint, thirft did for water make, His laft requeft for that he vttered, His laft torment was drinke of bitter gall, That cruelty offends his taft vvithall.
By trauell once leauing ludea land, With vvearie iourney through Samaria, He crau'd in Sichar at a womans hand, Her gift of water, his great thirft t'alay,
While (he on tearmes, delaies and hinderance finds,
Delaies begotten by vnwilling minds.
Yet after publicke in lerufalem, He did proclaime to all with thirft at ftrife, That plenteoufly he had to fuccour them, With flowing waters to eternall life,
Inuiting come, true comming, free attaine, That which who drinkes, fhall neuer thirft againe.
F ij Such
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Such thirft-ftaunch riuers he to thirfty gaue, That ftreames of grace, heau'ns dew in foulesdid fhower: Yet for his owne thirft, water he did craue At Jacobs well, and at his dying hower, To come and drinke, he free inuites all firft, And at his laft, himfelfe complaines of thirft.
As to our thirfty foules he tendereth
His grace, againft all deadly thirft defence,
So to his thirft, foules duty rendereth,
The pureft water of obedience,
There is in him, for which our wants do call, There is in vs, he will be feru'd withall.
To corporall thirft ftrong Sampfon once did yeeld, Vntill the chaw-bone of an Affe fupplide him : And Sifara (that vanquifh'd loft the field) Complain'd of thirft, to her whofe tent did hide him: And holy Dauid thirftie, water needing, Did long for Bethlem cefternes moft exceeding.
But different farre foules thirft, from bodies is, Vnfatisfied with fprings of worldly taft, Grace gain'd by Chrift, doth only anfwere this, A fpirituall fubftance, craues the like repaft, Thofe foodleffe foules, famimt eternall pine, Which are vnfed by th'effence pure diuine.
FINIS.
Confummatum
jVen when the gaule of odious bitterneffe jWas offered to our Sauiour on a reed, ;The bitter drinke of bitter vvickedneffe, The lewifh prefent to Chrifts thirfty need,
To comfort foules his gracious words extended, And founding mercy, vttered All is ended.
What tongue till then durft fuch a fpeech deliuer? That all tooke end, which holy writ foretold, Only the tongue of finnes true ranfome giuer, Was powrefull his owne mercies power t'vnfold, Holy of holies mod vprightly fpake, All's ended, ending life, finnes end to make.
Not Dauid, Efay, leremy, Elias,
Could in their times affirme finne tooke conclufion,
They prophecied alluding to Mefsias,
That he mould worke the viper finnes confufion,
And end his life, to end foule finne, lifes killer,
Of all predictions to be full fulfiller.
F iij By
43
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
By whofe owne mouth (truths founded euidence) We heare fmnes end, the old law fatisfied, How Mercy doth with luflice dome difpence, And how the ludges fonne hath qualified His fathers rigor, no way to be donne, But by th 'obedience of Gods dying fonne.
The word Alls ended, notice giues to all, By death of Chrift, the Law was in exemption, The Church began, the Synagogue did fall, And man obtained perfect full redemption, His reconcilement was with God effected To glories throne, by graces hand protected.
High Myfterie, and deepe profound diuine, That God by man, for man fhould death fuftaine, As flrange a fpeech, if humane wit define, He being man, fhould die and rife againe. Yet God and man, with God to end mans ftrife, From life to death, from death did rife to life.
Our vlcers curing, captiue ftate inlarging, From Sinnes infectious venome, Sathans gaile, Bonds of damnation canfeld, foules difcharging, Defcending heau'n, to be on yearth our baile
At price of life, with blood bought and befriended, Sealing faluations truft, with All is ended.
FINIS.
44
Pater in manus tuas commendo Spiritum meiim.
,Ith blood-fpent wounds, euen at the point to die, The laft bequefl of heauens high teftator, 'Was all eternities rich Legacie, His foule, the foule of mans true mediator, Vnto his Fathers hands he did commit, Yeelding to Death, by Death to vanquim it.
The Princely Phrophet on his dying bed, Gaue charge vnto his heire apparant fonne, To vvorke reuenge on martiall loabs head, For murdring deed by his offence foredone, T'abridge what nature for his date intended, And cut him off before his period ended.
Including with reuenge of Abners death, The wrongs that Simei to his perfon did, When Abfolon purfued his fathers breath, Whofe affe became his hangman as he rid, And wretched Simei curfing full of fpight, Caft ftones at Dauid, with moft wrath he might.
That
45
^ Poems vpon the Pafsion.
That teftament Reuenge fet hand vnto,
Impofmg vvifdomes tutored prince the taske,
To execute what he was willed do
For fhedding blood, blood-fhedders blood doth aske, To Salomon this charge his father gaue, Let tJiem not paffe in peace vnto their graue.
How different Dauids from our Sauiours feemes?
Whofe will contain'd reuenge for others adl:
Chrift at his death forgiues, Tinners redeemes,
Solicites pardon for a murdring facl:
As Dauid dies with, Sonne let them not Hue,
So Chrifts yeelds breath with, Father themforgiue.
Firft guiltleffe blood to God moft high difpleafmg, Was that iuft mans, which dide by th'hand of £aine, Firft guiltleffe blood, Gods iuftice cheefe appeafing, Was that moft righteous, whom the lewes haue flaine, And as the ones blood was a foules damnation, So was the others many foules faluation.
The blood of Abel from earths bofome cri'de, And founded Iuftice, Iuftice, through the skies, The blood of lefus, at the hower he di'de, Vnto his father, Mercy, Mercy, cries, Whereby Gods title of reuenge till then, Turn'd gracious father to repentant men.
FINIS.
The death of Death, finnes Par don, andfoules Ranfome.
Sinfull foule, the caufe of lefus pafsion, Put forrowes on, and fighing view thy guilt, Bring all thy thoughts, fix the on meditation, weep drops of tears, for ftreams of blood chrift Summon thy foftred fins, felfe-hatched euils, (fpilt: And caft them low as hell, they are the deuils.
Seat vertue riuall, where vfurping vice Had feaz'd for Sathan to poffeffe thy heart, And though the traitor flefh from grace intice, Yet yeeld thy fauiour his deere purchaft part,
The greatefl loue that heav'n or earth dooth know, Did heav'ns free-loue on hels bond-Danes' beftow.
He left his fathers glorious right-hand feat, To Hue euen where his earthly footftoole ftands, Vnmou'd thereto by our fubmiffe intreat, No fuite of clay obtain'd it at his hands,
No power in vs, no humane will that fought it, It was his loue, grace freely giuen wrought it.
G
O
47
Poems upon the Pafsion.
O loue of foules, deaths victor, true life-giuer,
What charitie did ouercome thee fo,
To die, that man might be eternall liuer,
Being thine aduerfe difobedient foe?
For friends if one fhould die, were rarely much, But die for foes, the world affoords none fuch?
An ignominious death, in fhames account, Of odious cenfure, and contempts difgrace, On Caluarie, a ftincking dunghill Mount, For murderers the common fatall place.
There di'de the Angels brightneffe, God and man, There death was vanquifht, and true life began.
Yet there began not lefus fuffering, Nor in the garden with his foules vexation: There he performd victorious conquering, His life was nothing els but ftintleffe pafsion. From cratch to croffe, hee trod a painefull path, Betwixt our guilt, and Gods reuengefull wrath.
What paines, their paines to lefus not impart? What moment tortures want did he indure? What anguifh addes not to his greeued heart? What minute was he forrowleffe, fecure?
What age, wherein his troubles were neglected ?
What people, but his death cheefly affected ?
In
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
In eies he fuffred monefull fhowres of teares, His face had fpittings and difpightfull blowes, Blafphemous fpeech vpbraid his facred eares, Moft loathfome carrion ftinckes entred his nofe, Gaule in his mouth, the holieft hands were bound, Hands, feet, heart, head, were nailed, pierc'd &crownd.
From his birth-hower, vntill his life-loft blood, What moment paft wherein hee did not merite? What minute fcap'd imploiment vnto good, Who did implore his grace, and he deferre it? How painfully his preaching fpent the day, How watchfully his nights were houres to pray.
Whom taught this Truth, that him for truth beleeued ?
Though truth without his prefence ne're was knowne ?
With whom did he conuerfe and was vngreeued?
How ill intreated euen amongft his owne?
Though foxe and bird could find both hole and neft, Where found his head, repofed place for reft?
Pouertie hee indured in the manger, Warre with the tempter in the wilderneffe, Exile in ^Egypt, forc'd by tirants danger, And on the way o're-painfull wearineffe, In all his fpeech and actions, contradictions Laden with wrongs, burdned with dire afflictions.
G ij With
49
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
With hungers fword food-giuer was acquainted, And that the ftone-prefenting deuill faw, At lacobs well with thirft he wel-nie fainted, While pinching woman flood on tearmes to draw.-
All wants and woes impos'd vpon him (till,
And his obedience fuffered euery ill.
Traitor-led troopes by night did apprehend him, Haling him cruell to the Judgement hall, Where all inflidted torments did offend him, And mockeries to greeue his foule withall,
There ludge was iudg'd, king fcorned, pried abus'd,
And of all luft, the luft vniuftly vs'd.
Thence to his death, with clamours, fhouts, and cries, Theeues at his fide, the torturing hangman by him, His croffe (his burden) borne before his eies, Hart-launcing Longius, the Centurion nie him, His. friends aloofe inuiron'd round with foes, Thus vnto death, foules loue, fweet lefus goes.
Victorioufly vpon the dunghill field, He manag'd combate with the roaring Lion, Old ferpent, death and hell at once did yeeld, All vanquifht by triumphant lambe of Sion,
Performing in that glorious bloodie fight,
The euer conquefl of infernall might. FINIS.
The wonders at ChrisJs death.
.Hat inftant hower the worlds Redeemer di'de, And breathed out his foule vpon the croffe, Heav'ns glorious lampe, abating all his pride, Bewail'd in blacke his murdred makers loffe, Turning his fplendant beames of gold, to droffe; The Moone like futed in a fable weed, Mourned for finnes outragious bloody deed.
When lofua (Ifraels valiant captaine) praid, And in his praier coniuring did command The firmaments bright eie ftand ftill, it (laid Till he was victor of the wickeds band, Waighting vpon Gods battaile then in hand, Yeelding the richefl treafure of his light, Lengthning the want of day with day-made night.
But here, reflecting light to darkefome change, Shaming to fee what fhameleffe finne had done, Was more admir'd to alter kind fo ftrange, Then when he ceas'd his polling courfe to run,
G iij Loue
Poems vpon the Pafsion:
Loue to Gods forces, his bright flaying vvonne, But now beholding Sathans power preuailing, He turn'd the day to night, in darkneffe wailing.
At death of Chrift, appear'd foure fignes of wonder, To euidence diuine and God-like might, The firft: The temples vaile did rent in funder, Next, Sunne and Moone extinguifht both their light, Affoording darkneffe to blind lewifh fight: Then flintie ftones deuiding, part in twaine/ And Saints from graues reuiv'd to life againe.
What faithleffe lew or graceleffe Atheift can With impious tongue, found out blafphemous breath, Affirming Chrift to be but only Man, VVhofe dietie, wrought wonders after death, Wonders in heauen, flrange miracles on earth? Of each beholders heart, feare tooke poffefsion, And taught the Pagan captain Truths confefsion.
Thou canft not fay thofe workes were Magickes art, From flaunders charge, Chrifts power diuine is free, His foule was fled, and did before depart, His liueleffe bodie euery eie did fee, No charming words by dead tongues vttred be, Thou muft of force confeffe true God-head by it, Or fay that Mallice wilfull doth denie it.
FINIS.
•Hen lofephs fuite had got the Judges leaue, To take fweet lefus from the bloodie croffe, • VVhofe bleffed life lewes blindneffedid bereaue, To our eternall gaine, their endleffe loffe: Chrifts night-difciple aidfull did agree, To take his bodie from that guiltie tree.
The Virgine mother cheefe in mournefull teares, With holy Maries twaine that ftintleffe wept, To Caluarie both fheet and odours beares, There muft the facred funerall be kept,
Who hearts did loue, him with their feet they fought, Teares in their eies, hands myrrhe and aloes brought.
Their greefes and labours they deuide in parts, Partaking each t'affoord fome needfull thing, True faith and loue, was feated in their hearts, On fhoulders ladders, armes the fhroud doe bring, Their hands haue ointments, eies with teares abounds, Teares well imploi'd to wafh his bloodie wounds.
With
53
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
With tired fteps they ouertooke the place, Where ftore of weeping dew moiftned the ground, The Sunne was hid, nights darke approcht apace, Greefes did furprife, dolours increafe abound, Whom infidels nail'd vp, did pierce and crowne, Faithfull, from Croffe, acl; holy taking downe.
Before the fame (to figne a perfect zeale) They caft themfelues fo low as earth gaue leaue, In reuerence of thofe wounds that only heale All feauer'd foules, blood-falue from thence receaue/ Which vvorfhip well perform'd, they flghing rife, And towards the croffe all guide plaint-pouring eies.
The honourable two old aged men, Aduis'd the reft refpedl what fcanting time Remain'd to annoint, and fhroud, and burie, then Their ladders raifing, vp the croffe they clime; Teares, fighs, and fobs, defcend ech ftep they goe, While eies (wet Orators) repli'de below.
On Jacobs ladder ioifull Angels fing, No iarre their heav'nly muficke did reftraine, On lofephs ladder teares to top they bring, And mournefull fobs fend forrowes downe againe, Thofe heav'nly quires partake no tunes like this, Chrifts bitter death, was faultie mans amiffe.
* When
54
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
When hands and feet they carefull did vn-naile, Letting the body downe conieal'd in gore, This was the obiedl, J^ifage wan and pale\ Eies titrn'd in head, hisflejh all rent and tore,
Scull bo ared through, t homes f pur ting out hisbraines, Bones out of ioint, and f till of broken vaines.
Vpon the ground the holy corpes being laid, Mod reuer'nt where the fhrouding fheet was fpred, His bleffed Mother full of woes difmaid, Renew'd her plaints with fhowers of teares fhe ilied/ Whom ludas fold for thirty pence aliue, To buy him dead, her pearled drops did ftriue.
The taske of Sorrowes equall to deuide, At lefus head laments his penfiue mother, lofeph with Nichodemus at one fide, And both the Maries place them at the other,
Thus bout the mangled corpes thefe mourners ftands With teares in eies, with ointments in their hands.
When kneeling round, the bodie they inclofe, Prepar'd with baulme, and readie to annoint it, Viewing blew wales, that came of lewifh blowes, Rupture of nailes, wan flefh, how they difioint it:
Compafsion, pittie, loue, with true remorfe,
Inuited all their eies to warn the corfe.
H Their
55
Poems upon the Pafsion.
Their knees with humble feruice lowly bowing, Their hands embaulme him, wounded, rent and tore, Their eies no mangled part vnwafht allowing, Their hearts with worfhip, God and man adore, Both knees and hands, with hearts and watry eies, All forrow laden, tir'd with fighs and cries.
For deepe-made wounds, and torturing cruell blowes, No fmall expence of ointments could fuffife : But bountie on that holy worke beftowes Plentie of odours in fuch liberall wife, Their baulme to couer him inough had bin, And teares might ferue to haue baptis'd him in.
His glorious bodie fhrouded in the fheet On which to be embaulmed they did lay him, With binding clothes, wrapt whole from head to feet, To be inter'd, his feruant Saints conuay him Only in armes good lefus dead they haue, Within their hearts he Hues being borne to graue.
O mournefull trod, where comforts paths are failing, Deaths bed muft haue eternall life in keeping, lofeph goes fighing, Magdalen bewailing, Ther's lohn laments, and Nichodemus weeping, The bleffed virgins eies like fountaines run, Left wofull widdow to her murdred fon.
What
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
What pens report can tell her forrowing heart That faw her fonne, the only of her vvombe, Before her eies pay death, mans foule defert, And with her armes afsift him to the tombe?
What forrowes mappe like forrow ere expreft?
What eies like teares, what teares like greefes profeft.
Her liquid eies ftroue each t'exceed the other, By fighs her mone, by teares her woe appeares, She weepes, yet is the mirth of heav'ns mother, Virgine in office, young in tender yeares,
Filled with grace, eternities Princeffe,
Excelling in perfections holineffe.
O Sunne whofe mine is heav'ns eternall bright, Of funerall pompe why art thou deflitute, Borne to thy graue, without one candles light, Or Clergie, night precedent inftitute:
Thy birth was fimple, void of worldly pride;
And in thy buriall, coft was laid afide.
Oh heav'ns riches, mercies fountaine head, When thou waft borne, no houfe thy parents hatie, Thy life was poore, thy death without a bed, Thy buriall was in lofephs borrowed graue,
Thou didft indure our paines, finnes purchafe, hell;
Thou louedft foules, loft foules, fo wondrous well.
H ij Though
57
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Though Salomon was Ifraels crowne fucceffour, And gain'd his kingly fathers ftate and throne; Of Dauids mercy feemes he no pofleffour, Funerall coft, or teares we read of none: But Scriptures recommend the honour done In Jacobs buriall, by his gratefull fonne.
The great Prieft Simoit caufed to bee made,
A monument of curious carued ftones,
Wherein his bodie after life was laid,
And eke his brethren Machabes their bones; But tombe for Chrift was in his life vnknovvne, And for him dead his mother knew of none.
No earthly care, foules loue to him was fweeter, When vnto lohn the virgine was commended, His enemies to Mercie, church to Peter, His foule to Father, faying All is ended: No fpeech he vs'd, nor any order gaue For coftly funerals or a fumptuous graue.
With greefes, attaining to the garden place, From which oft ftaies to weepe and wipe did let, Penfme diftreft, in moft perplexed cafe, The fhrouding fheet all moiftned, flacke and wet (Not with the dew defcending from the skies) With teares that rained from their fhouring eies.
Oh
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Oh glorious hearbes this garden plot did beare, Oh holy ground trod in this iournies paines, Not for the oile of Oliues growing there, But fan&ified by blood from lefus vaines,
O earth whereon true loue and greefes combine, Blood from the fonne, teares from the mothers eyen.
The tombe prepar'd wherein hee mould bee laid, From which although great paine the ftone remooued, Yet farre exceed the fuites intreatie made Before his mother yeelds her deere beloued, Still they folicite, ftill her loues denie him, Vntill on knees with price of teares, they buy him.
The brothers fonne intreats his holie aunt, Perfuafme reafoning humbly dooth befeech, Times breuitie, good Ladie, mooues your graunt, Let eies doe more with teares then tongues with fpeech : Vpon detaining, now no longer ftand, Darke fable night leads dangers by the hand.
If foes mould wrong vs, bootleffe we to ftriue, How can poore three our Lords dead corfe defend, Twelue could not guard him when he was aliue, Giue licenfe this laft feruice take an end,
Much troubles ceafe, when by free will is done, That which conflraint well nere difpence to fhunne.
H iij Thou
59
Poems vpon the Pafsion.
Thou friend of God incline to vs at length, Let our vveake words o'recome thy loues the ftronger, Our hearts want comforts, all our members ftrength, Our teares are fpent, eies dri'de can weepe no longer Sorrow that holds vs for her lawfull prize, Hath left not one poore teare to taske our eies.
Wearie with importunitie and weeping, A moft vnwilling leaue the Virgine gaue, Yeelding her fonne to the fepulchres keeping, Her fweeteft loue to deaths moft bitter graue,
Like as from Golgotha, they brought him thether, All helpe, all figh, all put him in together.
Thus being laid into his bed of ftone, By liquid eies, and hearts of forrowing flefh, Inftead of earth their teares were poured on, A laft farewell greefes cefternes yeeld afrefh: There left they lefus that finnes burden beares, Wept, wrapt, annointed, bath'd in ftreames of teares.
FINIS.
THE LETTING
OF HVMOVRS
BLOOD IN THE
HEAD-VAINE.
With a new Moriffco, daunced by
feauen Satyres, vpon the bottome
viDiogines Tubbe.
AT LONDON,
Printed by W. WhitefaW.F.
1600.
TO THE GENTLE MEN READERS.
T_T Vmours, is late crown* d king of Caueeleres, •*- ••• Fantaftique-follies, grac'd with common fatiour : Ciuilitie, hathferued out his yeeres, Andfcorneth now to waite on Good-behauour. Gallants, like Richard the vfurper, fwagger, That had his hand continuall on his dagger.
Fafhions is Jlill confort with new fond JJiapes, Andfeedeth dayly vponftrange difguife: Wejhevv our felues the imitating Apes Of all the toyes that Strangers heads deuife\ For therms no habite of hell-hatched Jinne, That we delight not to be clothed in.
Somefweare, as though they Starres from heauen could pul, And all their fpeach is poynted with theftabbe,
When all men know it isfome coward gull, That is but champion to a Shor ditch drabbe;
Whofe feather is his heads lightnes-proclaymer, Although hefeemefome mightie monfter tamer.
A 2. Epi-
To the Gentlemen Readers.
Epicurifme, cares not how he Hues, But Jlill purfueth brutijli Appetite. Difdaine, regardes not what abufe he giues; Carelejfe of wronges, and vnregarding right. Selfe-loue (tlteyfay} to felfe-conceite is wed, By which bafe match are vglie vices bred.
Pride, reuels like the royfting Prodigall, Strcching his credite that Jits purfse-ftringes cracke, Vntill infome dijlresfull layle he fall, Which wore of late a LordJIiip on his backe: Where he till death muft lie in pawne for debt, " Griefes night is neare, when pleafures funne isfet.
Vaunting, Jiath got a mightie thnndring voyce, Looking t/iat all menflwuld applaude hisfoundes His deedes arefmgnler, his wordes be clwyce; On earth his equall is not to be founde. Thus Vertu's hid, with Follies iuggling mift, A nd Jtee's no man, tJtat is no Huinourift.
S.R.
TO POETS.
f~^ Ood honeft Poets, let me craue a boone, ^•^ That you would write, I do not care how foone, Again/I the bajlard humours hoiverly bred, In euery mad brain X wit-worne, giddie head: At fuch grofse follies do not Jit and wincke, Belabour thefefame Gtilles with pen and incke. Youfeefome striue for faire hand-writing fame, As Peeler Bales his Jigne can proue the fame, Gracing his credite with a golden Pen: I tvould haue Poets proue more taller men: In perfecJ Letters rejled his contention, But yours conjljfs in Wits choyce rare inuention. Will you Jland fpending your Inuentions treafure, To teach Stage parrets fpeake for pennie pleafure, While you your felues like mujicke founding Lutes fretted andjlrunge, gaine them their filkenfutes. Leaue Cupids cut, Womens face flatt ring praife, Loues fubiett growes too thredbare now adayes. Change Venus Swannes, to write of Vulcans Geefe, And you Jhall merite Golden pennes apeece.
FINIS.
A 3-
Mirth pleafeth fome ; to othars tfs offence: Some wi/Ji £ Jiaue follies tolde; fome dijlike tJiat: Some comend plaine conceites, fome profound fence; And mojl would haue, themfelues know not wJiat. Tlien he t/iat would pleafe all, and himfelfe too, Takes more in hand, then he is like to doo.
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. i.
MOnJleur Domingo is a skilfull man, For much experience he hath lately got, Prouing more Phificke in an Alehoufe can, Then may be found in any Vintners pot Bee re he proteftes is fodden and refin'd, But this he fpeakes, being fmgle penny lyn'd.
For when his Purfe is fwolne but fix-pence bigge,
Why then he fweares ; Now by the Lord I thinke,
All Beere in Europe is not worth a figge :
A cuppe of Clarret is the onely drinke.
And thus his praife from Beere to Wine doth goe,
Euen as his Purfe in pence doth ebbe and flowe.
A 4-
To
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 2. BOREAS.
"LJ Ang him bafe gull ; He ftabbe him by the Lord,
If he prefume to fpeake but halfe a word : He paunch the villian with my Rapiers poynt, Or heaw him with my Fatchon ioynt by ioynt. Through both his cheeks my Ponniard he fhal haue Or Mincepie-like He mangle out the flaue. Aske who I am, you whorfon freife-gowne patch? Call mee before the Conftable, or Watch? Cannot a Captaine walke the Queenes high-way? Swones, Who de fpeake to? Know ye villions, ha? You drunken peflants, run's your tongs on wheeles ? Long you to fee your guttes about your heeles ? Doeft loue me Tom? let go my Rapier then, Perfwade me not from killing nine or ten: I care no more to kill them in braueado, Then for to drinke a pipe of Trinedado. My minde to patience neuer will reftore-mee, Vntill their blood do gum in ftreames before-mee. Thus doth Sir Launcelot in his drunken ftagger, Sweare, curfe, & raile, threaten, proteft, & fwagger: But be' ing next day to fober anfwere brought, Hees not the man can breede fo bafe a thought.
When
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 3.
When Thrafo meets his friend, he fweares by God, Vnto his Chamber he fhall welcome be: Not that hee'le cloy him there with roft or fod, Such vulgar diet with Cookes fhops agree: But hee'le prefent moft kinde, exceeding franke The beft Tabacco, that he euer dranke.
Such as himfelfe did make a voyage for,
And with his owne hands gatherd from the ground :
All that which other fetch, he doth abhor,
His, grew vpon an Hand neuer found.
Oh rare compound, a dying Horfe to choke,
Of Englijh fyer, and of India fmoke.
Who
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 4.
Who feekes to pleafe all men each way, And not himfelfe offende, He may begin his worke to day, But God knowes when hee'le ende.
Alas
10
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 5.
Alas, Delfridus keepes his bed God knowes, Which is a figne his worfhips very ill: His griefe beyond the grounds of Phificke goes ; No Doctor that comes neare it with his skill, Yet doth he eate, drinke, talke, & fleepe profound, Seeming to all mens Judgements healthfull found.
Then geffe the caufe he thus to bed is drawne. What? thinke you fo; may fuch a happe procure it? Well; fayth t'is true, his Hofe are out at pawne, A Breetchleffe chaunce is come, he muft indure it: His Hofe to Brokers layle committed are, His fmguler, and onely, Veluet payre.
Diogines
II
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 6.
Diogines one day through Athens went, With burning Torch in Sun-lhine: his intent Was (as he fayd) fome honeft man to finde: For fuch were rare to meete, or he was blinde. One late, might haue done well like light t'haue got That fought his Wife; met her, and knew her not: But flay, cry mercy, fhe had on her Maske, How could his eyes performe their fpying tasked T'is very true, t'was hard for him to doo, By Sunne, and Torch ; let him take Lant-horne too.
Speake
12
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 7.
Speake Gentlemen, what fhall we do to day?
Drinke fome braue health vpon the Dutch caroufe?
Or fhall we go to the Globe and fee a Play?
Or vifit Skorditch, for a bawdie houfe?
Lets call for Gardes or Dice, and haue a Game,
To fit thus idle, is both finne and fhame.
This fpeakes Sir Reuell, furnilht out with Fafhion, From difh-crown'd Hat, vnto th' Shooes fquare toe, That haunts a Whore-houfe but for recreation. Playes but at Dice to connycatch, or fo. Drinkes drunke in kindnes, for good fellowfhip: Or to the Play goes but fome Purfe to nip.
Sir
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 8.
Sir gall-lade, is a Horfeman e'ry day,
His Bootes and Spurres and Legges do neuer part:
He rides a Horfe as pasfmg cleane away,
As any that goes Tyburne-warde by cart :
Yet honeftly he payes for Hacknyes hyer:
But hang them lades, he fell's them when they tyer.
He Hues not like Diogines, on Rootes:
But prooues a Mince-pie gueft vnto his Hoft.
He fcornes to walke in Paules without his Bootes.
And fcores his dyet on the Vitlers poft:
And when he knowes not where to haue his dinner
He faftes, and fweares, A glutton is a finne,
This
EPIGRAMS.
E P I G. 9. Drudo.
This Gentleman hath ferued long in Fraunce, And is returned filthy full of French, In fmgle combat, being hurt by chaunce, As he was clofely foyling at a Wench : Yet hot alarmes he hath endur'd good ftore, But neuer in like pockie heate before.
He had no fooner drawne, and ventred ny-her, Intending onely but to haue a bout, When fhe his Flaske aud Touch-boxe fet on fyer, And till this hower the burning is not out. ludge, was not valour in this Martiall wight, That with a fpit-fier Serpent fo durft fight.
EPIGRAMS.
E P I G. I O. In Meritricem.
T7Ayth Gentleman, you moue me to offence, In comming to me with vnchaft pretence. Haue I the lookes of a lafciuious Dame, That you fhould deeme me fit for wantons game? I am not fhee will take luftes fmne vpon-her. He rather die, then dimme chaft glorious honour. Temp't not mine eares ; an grace of Chrift I meane To keepe my honeft reputation cleane; My hearing let's no fuch lewd found come in, My fenfes loath to furfet on fweete fmne. Reuerfe your minde, that goes from grace aftray, And God forgiue you, with my hart I pray. The Gallant notes her words, obferues her frown's, Then drawes his purfe, & lets her view his crown's, Vowing, that if her kindnes graunt him pleafure, Shee fhalbe Miftris to commaund his treafure. The ftormes are calm'd, the guft is ouer-blowne, And me replyes with: Yours, or not Jier owne. Defiring him to cenfure for the beft, Twa's but her tricke to try if men do ieft : Her Loue is lock'd where he may picke the truncke. Let Singer iudge if this be not a puncke.
Polle-
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. ii.
Polletique Peeter meetes his friend a fhore, That came from Seas but newly tother day: And giues him French embracements by the fcore, Then followes: Dicke, Haft made good voyage, fay? But hearing Richards fhares be poore and ficke, Peeter ha's hafte, and cannot drinke with Dicke.
Well, then he meetes an other Caualeere, Whom he falutes about the Knees and Thighes : welcome fweet lames, now by the Lord what cheere Ner'e better Peeter, We haue got riche prize. Come, come (fayes Peeter} eu'en a welcome quart, For by my fayth, weele drinke before wee part.
Or thus: Fayth, we muft drinke, that's flat, before we part.
B.
Fine
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 12.
Fine Phillip comes vnto the Barbers (hopp, Wheer's nittie lockes muft fuflfer reformation. The Chayre and Cufhion entertaine his flopp : The Barber craues to know his Worfhips fafhion. His will is, Shauen ; for his beard is thin, It was fo lately banifh'd from his chin.
But fhaueing oft will helpe it, he doth hope, And therfore for the fmooth-face cut he calles : Then fie; thefe cloathes are wafht with common Why doft thou vfe fuch ordnarie balles? (fope. I fcorne this common trimming like a Boore, Yet with his hart he loues a common whoore.
Sig-
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. i 3. Signieur Fantastike.
I fcorue to meet an enemie in feeelde, Except he be a Souldier: (by this light) I likewife fcorne, my reafon for to yeelde : Yea further, I do well nigh fcorne to fight. Moreouer, I do fcorne to be fo vaine, To drawe my Rapier, and put vp againe.
I eke do fcorne to walke without my man, Yea, and I fcorne good morrow and good deane: I alfo fcorne to touch an Ale-houfe cann, Therto I fcorne an ordinarie Queane. Thus doth he fcorne, difdainfull, proude, and grim, All but the Foole only, he fcornes not him.
Some
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 14.
Some do account it golden lucke, They may be Widdow-fped, for mucke. Boyes on whofe chinnes no downe appeares, Marry olde Croanes of threefcore yeares : . But they are fooles to Widowes cleaue, Let them take that which Maydes do leaue.
Amo-
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 15.
Amorous Aujlin fpendes much Balleting,
In rimeing Letters, and loue Sonnetting. (her,
She that loues him, his Ynckehorne fhall be paint-
And with all Venus tytles hee'le acquaint her :
Vowing fhe is a perfecl: Angell right,
When fhe by waight is many graines too light :
Nay all that do but touch her with the ftone,
Will be depof'd that Angell fhe is none.
How can he proue her for an Angell thenf
That proues her felfe a Diuell, tempting men,
And draweth many to the fierie pit,
Where they are burned for their en'tring it
I know no caufe wherefore he tearmes her fo,
Vnleffe he meanes fhee's one of them below,
Where Lucifer, chiefe Prince doth domineere:
If fhe be fuch, then good my hartes ftand cleere,
Come not within the compaffe of her flight,
For fuch as do, are haunted with a fpright.
This Angell is not noted by her winges,
But by her tayle, all full of prickes and ftinges.
And know this luflblind Louer's vaine is led,
To prayfe his Diuell, in an Angels fled.
B 3. Gallus
21
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. i 6.
Callus will haue no Barbour prune his beard, Yet is his chin cleane fhauen and vnh'ear'd. How comes he trymmed, you may aske me than ? His Wenches do it with their warming-pan.
When
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 17.
When Cattalero Rake-hell is to rife
Out of his bed, he capers light and heddy.
Then wounds he fweares : you arant whore he cries
Why what's the caufe that breakfaft is not reddyf
Can men feede like Camelions, on the ayerf
This is the manner of his morning prayer,
Well, he fweares on, vntill his breakefaft comes, And then with teeth he falles to worke apace: Leauing his Boy a banquet all of crummes. Difpatch you Roague : my Rapier, thats his grace. So foorth he walkes, his ftomacke muft goe Ihift, To dine and fuppe abroad, by deed of guift.
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 18.
A wofull exclamation late I heard,
Wherewith Tabacco takers may be feard :
One at the poynt with pipe and leafe to part,
Did vow Tabacco worfe then death's blacke dart;
And prou'd it thus: You know (quoth he) my friends
Death onely ftabbes the hart, and fo life endes :
But this fame poyfon, fteeped India weede,
In head, hart, lunges, doth foote & copwebs breede
With that he gafp'd, and breath'd out fuch a fmoke
That all the (landers by were like to choke.
Cacus
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 19.
Cacus would gladly drinke, but wants his Purfe, Nay, wanteth money; which is ten times worfe: For as he vowes himfelfe, he hath not feene In three dayes fpace the picture of the Queene. Yet if he meete a friend neare Tauerne figne, Straight he intreates him take a pint of Wine, For he will giue it, that he will, no nay. What will he giuef the other leaue to pay. He calleth : Boy, fill vs the tother quart, I will beftow it eu'en with my hart, Then doth he diue into his floppes profound, Where not a poore port-cullice can be found. Meane while his friend difchargeth all the wine: Stay, flay (quoth he) or well; next fhal be mine.
Eranke
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG 02.
Francke in name, and Francke by nature, Frauncis is a moft kinde creature : Her felfe hath fuffered manie a fall, In ftriueing how to pleafure all.
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 21.
Soto can prooue, fuch as are drunke by noone, Are long-liu'd men; the pox he can as foone. Nay, heare his reafon ere you do condemne, And if you finde it foolifh, hiffe and hemme. He faies, Good blood is euen the life of man ; I graunt him that; (faie you) well go-to than. More drinke, the more good blood Oh thats a lie; The more you drinke, the fooner drunke fay I. Now he protefts you do him mightie wrong, Swearing a man in drinke, is three men ftrong: And he will pawne his head againft a pennie, One right madd drunke, will brawle & fight with Well, you replie : that argument is weake, (anie. How can a Drunkard brawle, that cannot fpeake? Or how can he vfe weapon in his hand, Which cannot guide his feete to goe or ftand? Harke what an oath the drunken flaue doth fweare He is a man by that, a man may heare. And when you fee him ftagger, reele, and winke, He is a man and more; I by this drinke.
When
27
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 22.
When figneur Sacke & Suger drinke-drown'd reeles
He vowes to heaw the fpurr's from's fellows heeles
When calling for a quart of Charnico,
Into a louing league they prefent grow :
Then inftantly vpon a cuppe or twaine,
Out Poniardes goe, and to the ftabbe againe.
Friendes vpon that, they drinke, and fo imhrace:
Straight bandy Daggers at each others face.
This is the humour of a madd drunke foole,
In Tauerne pots that keepes his Fenceing-fchole.
Cornntus
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 23.
Cornutus was exceeding ficke and ill,
Pain'd as it feemed chiefely in his hed :
He cal'd his friendes, meaning to make his will;
Who found him drunke, with hofe & fhooes a bed
To whom he fayd: Oh good my Maifters fee,
Drinke with his dart hath all be ftabbed mee.
I here bequeath, if I do chaunce to die, To you kinde freinds, and bon companions all, A pound of good Tabacco, fweet, and drie, To drinke amongfl you, at my Funerall : Befides, a barrell of the beft ftrong Beere, And Pickle-herrings, for to domineere.
We
29
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 24.
Wee men, in many faultes abound,
But two, in women can be found :
The word that from their fex proceedes,
Is naught in wordes, and naught in deedes.
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 25.
Bid me go fleepef I fcorne it with my heeles, I know my felfe as good a man as thee. Let goe mine Arme I fay, lead him that reeles. I am a right good fellow; doft thou fee? I know what longes to drinking, and I can Abufe my felfe afwell as any man.
I care no more for twentie hunderd pound, (Before the Lord) then for a very ftraw. He fight with any hee adoue the ground. Tut, tell not mee whats what ; I know the law. Rapier and Dagger: hey, a kingly fight. He now try falles with any, by this light.
Behold
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 26.
Behold, a mod accomplish'd Caualeere,
That the world's Ape of Fashions doth appeare,
Walking the ftreets, his humors to difclofe,
In the French Doublet, and the Germane Hofe:
The Muffes Cloake, Spanish Hat, Toledo blade,
Italian ruffe, a Shooe right Flemish made,
Like Lord of Misrule, where he comes hee'le reuel
And lie for wagers with the lying'ft diuell.
Aske
EPIGRAMS. Epig. 27.
Aske Humors why a Feather he doth weare?
It is his humor (by the Lord) heele fweare.
Or what he doth with fuch a Horfe-taile lockef
Or why vpon a Whoore he fpendes his ftocke?
He hath a Humor doth determine fo.
Why in the Stop-throate fafhion doth he go,
With Scarfe about his necke? Hat without band?
It it is his humor, fweete fir vnderftand.
What caufe his Purfe is fo extreame diftreft,
That often times t'is fcarcely penny bleftf
Onely a Humor: If you queftion why?
His tongue is nere vnfurnim'd with a lye :
It is his Humor too he doth proteft.
Or why with Serjants he is fo oppreft,
That like to Ghoftes they haunt him erie day?
A rafcall Humor, doth not loue to pay.
Obieft, why Bootes and Spurres are ftill in feafonf
His Humor anfweres : Humor is the reafon.
If you perceiue his wittes in wetting fhrunke,
It commeth of a Humor, to be drunke,
When you behould his lookes pale, thin, and poore,
Th' occfion is, his Humor, and a Whore :
And euery thing that he doth vndertake,
It is a vaine, for fenceleffe Humors fake.
C. Three
33
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 28.
Three high-way ftanders, haueing cros-lefle curffe Did greete my friend with, Sir giue vs your purfle: Though he were true-man, they agreed in one : For purfle & coyne betwixt them foure was none.
34
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 29.
A Gentlewoman of the dealing trade,
Procur'd her owne fweete picture to be made :
Which being done, fhe from her worde did flippe,
And would not pay full due for workmanlhippe.
The Painter fwore fhe nere fhould haue it foe,
She bad him keepe it/ and away did goe.
He cholericke, and mightie difcontent,
Straight tooke his pencell and to worke he went:
Makeing the Dog fhe held, a grim Cattes face,
And hung it in his fhoppe, to her difgrace.
Some of her friends that faw it, to her went,
In iefting maner, afkeing what fhe ment,
To haue her picture hang where gazers fwarme,
Holding a filthy Catte within her arme.
She in a fhamefull heate in haft did hie,
The Painter to content and fatiffie :
Right glad to giue a French Crowne for his paine,
To turne her Catte, into a Dog againe.
C2.
When
35
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 30.
When Tarlton clown'd it in a pleafant vaine, And with conceites, did good opinions gaine Vpon the Stage, his merry humors fliop. (flop. Clownes knew the Clowne, by his great clownifh But now th'are gull'd, for prefent fafhion fayes, Dicke Tarltons part, Gentlemens breeches playes : In euery ftreete where any Gallant goes, The fwagg'ring Sloppe, is Tarltons clownifh hofe.
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 31.
To Lutius.
One newlie practiz'd in Astronomie, That neuer dealt in weather-witt before : Would fcrape (forfooth) acquaintance of the skie, And by his arte, goe knocke at heauen dore. Meane while a Scholler in his ftudie flippes, And taught his Wife skill in the Moones eclippes.
Next night, that freind perfwads him walke alone Into the fielde, to gather ftarres that fell: To mix them with Philofophers rare ftone That begets gold : he likt the motion well, And went to watch, where ftarres dropt verie thin, But raine fo fhour'd, it wet his foole-cafe skin.
37
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 32.
What gallant's that vvhofe oaths flie through mine How like a lord of Plutoes court he fweares: (eares? How braue in fuch a baudie houfe he fought, How rich his emptie purfe is outfide wrought. How Duch-man-like he fwallows downe his drink How fweete he takes Tabacco till he ftinke : How loftie fprited he difdaines a Boore, How faithfull harted he is to a ( .) How cocke-taile proude he doth his head aduaunce How rare his fpurres do ring the moris-daunce. Now I proreft, by Miftris Srifans fanne, He and his boy, will make a proper man.
Laugh
EPIGRAMS. Epig. 33-
Laugh good my Maifters, if you can intend it, For yonder comes a Foole, that will defend it: Saw you a verier Affe in all your life, That makes himfelfe a packe-horfe to his wife? I would his nofe where I could wifti, were warme, For carrying Pearle, fo prettie vnder's arme, Pearle his wiues Dog, a prettie fweete-fac'd curre, That barkes a nights at the leaft fart doth fturre, Is now not well, his colde is fcarcely broke, Therfore good hisband wrap him in thy cloake : And fweete hart, preethee helpe me to my Maske, Holde Pearle but tender, for he hath the laske. Here, take my muffe; and do you heare good man? Now giue me Pearle, and carrie you my Fanne. Alacke poore Pearle, the wretch is full of paine, Hisband, take Pearle; giue me my Fanne againe, See how he quakes : faith I am like to weepe, Com to me Pearle : my Scarfe good hisband keepe, To be with me I know my Puppie loues. Why Pearle, I faie: hisband take vp my Gloues. Thus goodman Idiot thinkes himfelfe an Earle, That he can pleafe his wife, and carrie Pearle : But others iudge his ftate to be no higher, Then a Dogges yeoman, or fome pippin Squier.
C 4. What's
39
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 34.
What's he that fits and takes a nappe, Fac'd like the North winde of a mappe, And fleeping, to the wind doth nod? Tis Bacchus coofen, Bellie-god.
Seuerus
40
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 35-
Seuerus is extreame in eloquence,
In perfum'd words, plung'd ouer head and eares,
He doth create rare phrafe, but rarer fence,
Fragments of Latine, all about he beares.
Vnto his feruingman alias his boy,
He vtters fpeach exceeding quaint and coy.
Deminitiue, and my defectiue flaue,
Reach my corpes couerture imediately:
My pleafures pleafure is, the fame to haue,
T'infconfe my perfon from frigiditie.
His man beleeues all's Welch, his Maifter fpoke,
Till he rayles English ; Roage goe fetch my cloke.
Why
EPIGRAMS.
EPIG. 36.
Why fhould the Mercers trade, a Satten fute, With Cookes greafe be fo wickedly polutef The reafon is, the fcandall and defame Grew, that a greafie flouen weres the fame.
EPIGRAMS.
E PIG. 37.
An honeft Vicker, and a kinde confort, That to the Alehoufe friendly would refort, To haue a game at Tables now and than, Or drinke his pot as foone as any man : As faire a gamfter, and as free from braul, As euer man fhould need to play withall : Becaufe his Hofteffe pledg'd him not caroufe, Rafhly in choller did forfweare her houfe. Takeing the glaffe, this was the oath he fwore, Now by this drinke, He nere come hither more. But mightilie his Hofteffe did repent, For all her gueftes to the next Alehoufe went, Following their Vickers fteps in euerie thing : He led the parrifh euen by a firing. At length his auncient Hofteffe did complaine, She was vndone, vnles he came againe. Defiring certaine friends of hers and his, To vfe a pollecie, which fhould be this : (him,
Becaufe with coming he fhould not forfweare (him To faue his oath, they on their backes might beare Of this good courfe the Vicker well did thinke, And fo they allwaies carried him to drinke. FINIS.
43
Your Sceane is done, depart you Epigrammes: Enter Goate-footed Satyres, butt like Rammes.
Come nimbly foorth, Why ftandyou on delay? O-ho, the Mufique-tuning makes you ftay.
Well, friske it out nimbly: youjlaues begin, For now me thinkes the Fidlers handes are in.
44
I.
SATYRES.
o haue we here? Behold him and be mute. Some mightie man He warrant by his fute. If all the Mercers in Cheapefide shew fuch, He giue them leaue to giue me twice afmuch: I thinke the Stuffe is nameleffe he doth weare : But what fo ere it be, it is huge geare. Marke but his gate, and giue him then his due. Some fwaggring fellow, Imay fay to you: It feemes Ambition in his bigge lookes fhrowdes Some Centaure fure, begotten of the Cloudes. Now a shame take the buzard, is it heef I know the ruffaine, now his face I fee : On a more gull the Sunne did neuer shine ; How with a vengance comes the foole fo fine? Some Noble mans caft Sute is fallne vnto him, For buying Hofe and Doblet would vndo him.
But
45
SATYRES.
Bot wote you now, whither the buzard walkesf
I, into Panics forfooth, and there he talkes
Of forraine tumults, vttring his aduice,
And proueing Warres euen like a game at dice:
For this (fayes he) as euery gamfter knowes,
Where one fide winnes, the other fide muft loofe.
Next fpeach he vtters, is his ftomackes care,
Which ordinarie yeeldes the cheapeft fare :
Or if his purfle be out of tune to pay,
Then he remembers tis a failing day :
And then he talketh much againft excefie,
Swearing all other Nations eate farre lefle
Then Englifhmen ; experience you may get
In Fraunce and Spayne : where he was neuer yet.
With a fcore Figges and halfe a pint of Wine,
Some foure or fiue will verry hugely dine.
Mee thinkes this tale is very huge in found,
That halfe a pint fhould ferue fiue to drinke round
And twenty Figges could feed them full and fat:
But trauellers may lye ; who knowes not that ?
Then why not he that trauels in conceit,
From Eaft to Weft, when he can get no meate?
His lourney is in Panics in the backe Ifles,
Wher's
SATYRES.
Wher's ftomacke counts each pace a hudred miles
A tedious thing, though chaunce will haue it fuch,
To trauaile fo long baitleffe, fure tis much.
Some other time ftumbling on wealthy ChufFes
Worth gulling: then he fwaggers all in huffes,
And tells them of a prize he was at takeing
Wil be the fhip-boyes childrens childrens making.
And that a moufe could finde no roome in holde,
It was fo pefterd all with pearle and golde:
Vowing to pawne his head if it were tride,
They had more Rubies then wold paue Cheapfide
A thowfand other grofe and odious lies,
He dares auouch to blinde dull ludgmentes eies,
Not careing what he fpeake or what he fweare,
So he gaine credite at his hearers eare.
Somtimes into the Royall Exchange hee'l droppe,
Clad in the ruines of a Brokers fhoppe :
And there his tongue runs byas on affaires,
No talke but of comodities and wares :
And what great wealth he lookes for ery winde,
From God knowes where, the place is hard to
If newes be harkend for, thn he preuailes, (finde.
Setting his mynt aworke to coyne falfe tales.
His
47
SATYRES.
His tongues-end is betipt with forged chat,
Vttring rare lyes to be admired at,
Heele tell you of a tree that he doth know,
Vpon the which Rapiers and Daggers grow,
As good as Fleetftreete hath in any shoppe;
Which being ripe, downe into fcabbards droppe.
He hath a very peece of that fame Chaire,
In which Ccefar was ftabb'd: Is it not rare?
He with his feete vpon the ftones did tread,
That Sathan brought, & bad Chrijl make the bread.
His wondrous trauels challenge fuch renowne,
That Sir lohn Maundiuell is quite put downe.
Men without heades, and Pigmeis hand-bredth hie
Thofe with one legge that on their backes do lie,
And doe the weathers iniurie difdaine,
Making their legges a penthoufe for the raine,
Are tut, and tush : not any thing at all.
His knowledge knowes, what no mans notice shal.
This is a mate vnmeete for eu'ry groome,
And where he comes, peace, giue his lying roome.
He faw a Hollander in Middleborow,
As he was flashing of a browne Loafe thorow,
Where-to the hafte of hunger had inclyn'd him,
Cut
SATYRES.
Cut himfelfe through, & two that flood behind him
Befides, he faw a fellow put to death,
Could drinke a whole Beere barrell at a breath.
Oh this is he that will fay any thing,
That to himfelfe may any profite bring.
Gaynft whofouer he doth fpeake he cares not,
For what is it that fuch a villaine dares not?
And though in confcience he cannot denie,
The All-commaunder fayth, Thouflialt not lie:
Yet he will anfwere fcareleffe of foules ftate)
Trueth telling, is a thing obtayneth hate.
PINTS.
D.
49
2.
SATIRE.
A Man may tell his friend his fault in kindnes
To wincke at folly, is a foolifh blindnes. Godfaueyou Sir, faluteth with a grace, One he could wifh neuer to fee his face. But doth not he vfe meere disfimulation, That's infide hate, and outfide falutationf Yes as I take it ; yet his anfwere fayes, Fafhions, and Cuftomes, vfe it now a dayes. A Gentleman perhaps may chaunce to meete His Liuing-griper face to face in ftreete: And though his lookes are odious vnto fight ; Yet will he doe him the French congas right, And in his hart wifh him as low as hell, When in his wordes, hee's glad to fee him well : Then being thus, a man may foone fuppofe, There is, God faue you Jiry fometimes twixt foes.
D 2.
Oh
IT*
SATYRES.
Oh fir, why thats as true as you are heere,
With one example I will make it cleere,
And farre to fetch the fame I will not goe,
But into Hounds-ditch, to the Brokers row :
Or any place where that trade doth remaine,
Whether at Holborne Conduit, or Long-lane:
If thyther you vouchfafe to turne your eye,
And fee the Pawnes that vnder forfayte lye,
Which are foorth comming fir, and fafe enough
Sayes good-man Broker, in his new print ruffe:
He will not ftand too ftri6lly on a day,
Encouraging the party to delay,
With all good vvordes, the kindeft may be fpoke,
He turnes the Gentleman out of his Cloake:
And yet betweene them both, at euery meeting,
Godfaueyoufir, is their familiar greeting,
This is much kindneffe fure ; I pray commend him,
With great good words, he highly doth befrend him
It is a fauour at a pinch, in neede:
A pinching friendfhip, and a pinching deede.
The flaue may weare his fuites of Sattin fo,
And like a man of reputation go,
When all he hath, in houfe, or on his backe,
It
SATYRES.
It is his owne, by forfaytures fhypwracke. See you the Brooch that long ins Hat hath bin? It may be there, it coft him not a pin : His fundry fortes of diuers mens attyre, He weares them cheape, euen at his owne defire. Shame ouer-take the peffant for his payne, That he fhould pray on loffes, to his gayne, In drawing Wardrobes vnder his fubieclion, Being a Knaue in manners and complexion, lumpe like to Vfurie, his neareft kinne; That weares a money bagge vnder his chinne : A bunch that doth refemble fuch a fhape, And hayred like to Paris garden Ape, Foaming about the chaps like fome wilde Boore, As fwart and tawnie as an India Moore: With narrow brow, and Sqirrell eyes, he fhowes, His faces chiefeft ornament, is nofe, Full furnifhed with many a Clarret ftaine, As large as any Codpiece of a Dane, Emboffed curious; euery eye doth iudge, His lacket faced with motheaten Budge: To which a paire of Satten fleeues he weares, Wherein two pound of greace about he beares.
D3-
His
53
SATYRES.
His Specktacles do in a copper cafe, Hang dangling about his pisfing place. His breeches and his hofe, and all the reft Are futable : His gowne (I meane his beft) Is full of threeds, Intitul'd right threed-bare: But wooll theron is wondrous fcant and rare. The welting hath him in no chardges flood, Beeing the ruines of a caft French hood. Exceffe is fmfull, and he doth defie it, A fparing whorfon in attire and diet. Only exceffe is lawfull in his Cheft, For there he makes a golden Angells neft : And vowes no farder to be founde a lender, Then that moft pretious mettall doth engender: Begetting daylie more and more encreafe, His monyes flaue, till wretched life furceafe. This is the lew alied verie neere, vnto the Broker, for they both do beare Vndoubted teftimonie of their kinne : A brace of Rafcalls in a league of fmne. Two filthie Curres that will on no man fawne, Before they taft the fweetnefle of his pawne. And then the flaues will be as kinde forfooth,
Not
54
SATYRES.
Not as Kinde-keart, in drawing out a tooth :
For he doth eafe the Patient of his paine,
But they difeafe the Borrower of his gaine.
Yet neither of them vfe extremitie,
They can be villaines euen of charitie.
To lend our Brother it is meete and fit:
Giue him roft meate and beat him with the fpit.
Vferie fure is requifite and good,
And fo is Brokeage, rightly vnderftood :
But foft a litle, what is he faies fo?
One of the twaine (vpon my life) I knowe.
FINIS.
D4-
55
3-
SATIRE.
, let the Gentlewoman haue the wall, know her well; tis Mifhris, What d'ye call. It fhould be fhee, both by her Maske and Fanne : And yer it fhould not, by her Seruing-man ; For if mine eyes do not miftake the foole, He is the Vfher of fome Dauncing Schole, The reafon why I doe him fuch fuppofe, Is this ; Mee thinkes he daunceth as he goes. An actiue fellow, though he be but poore, Eyther to vault vpon a Horfe, or &c. See you the huge bum Dagger at his backe, To which no Hilt nor Iron he doth lacke. Oh with that blade he keepes the queanes in awe, Brauely behacked, like a two-hand Saw. Stampes on the ground, & byteth both his thorns Vnleffe he be commaunder where he corns.
You
57
SATYRES.
You damned whores, where are you? quicke come
Dry this Tabacco. Fill a dofen a Beere: (heere,
Will you be briefe? or long ye to be bang'd?
Hold, take this Match ; go light it and be hang'd.
Where ftay thefe whores when Gent, do call ?
Heer's no attendaunce (by the Lord) at all.
Then downe the ftaires, the pots in rage he throws
And in a damned vaine of fwearing growes,
For he will challenge any vnder heau'n,
To fweare with him, and giue him fixe at feuen.
Oh, he is an accomplifh'd Gentleman,
And many rare conceited knackes he can ;
Which yeeld to him a greater (lore of gaine,
Then iuggling Kings, hey Paffe, ledgerdemaine.
His witt's his lyuing: one of quaynt deuice,
For Bowling-allies, Cockpits, Gardes, or Dice,
To thofe exployts he euer ftandes prepar'd :
A Villaine excellent at a Bum card.
The Knaue of Clubbes he any time can burne,
And finde him in his boofome, for his turne.
Tut, he hath Gardes for any kind of game,
Primero, Saunt; or whatfoeuer name, :
Make him but dealer, all his fellowes fweares,
If
SATYRES.
If you do finde good dealing, take his eares. But come to Dice ; why that's his onely trade, Michell Mum-chaimce, his owne Inuention made. He hath a ftocke, whereon his lyuing ftayes, And they are Fullams, and Bard quarter-tray es : His Langrets, with his Hie men, and his low, Are ready what his pleafure is to throw: His ftopt Dice with Quick-filuer neuer miffe. He calles for, Come on flue; and there it is: Or elfe heele haue it with fiue and a reach, Although it coft his necke the Halter ftretch. Befides all this fame kinde of cheating art, The Gentleman hath fome good other part, Well feene in Magicke and Aftrologie, Flinging a Figure wondrous handfomly; Which if it do not miffe, it fure doth hitt : Of troth the man hath great ftore of fmall witt. And note him wherefoeuer that he goes, His Booke of Characters is in his hofe. His dinner he will not prefume to take, Ere he aske counfell of an Almanacke. Heele finde if one prooue falfe vnto his wife, Onely with Oxe blood, and a ruftie knife.
He
59
SATYRES.
He can transforme himfelfe vnto an Afle,
Shewe you the Deuil in a Chriftall glaffe :
The Deuill fay you? why I, is that fuch wonder f
Being confortes they will not be afunder.
Alaimie in his braines fo fure doth fettle,
He can make golde of any copper kettle;
Within a three weekes fpace or fuch a thing.
Riches vpon the whole worlde he could bring.
But in his owne purfe one (hall hardly fpie it,
Witnefle his Hoftefle, for a twelue-moneths diet:
Who would be glad of golde or filuer either,
But fweares by chalke, & poaft, flie can get neither.
More, he will teach any to gaine their loue,
As thus (faies he) take me a Turtle Doue,
And in an Ouen let her lie and bake
So dry, that you may poulder of her make ;
Which being put into a cuppe of wine,
The wenche that drinkes it will to loue incline:
And mall not fleepe in quiet in her bed,
Till me be eafed of her mayden-head.
This isprobatum, and it hath bin tride,
Or els the cunning man cunningly lide.
It may be fo, a lie is not fo ftrange,
Per-
60
SATYRES.
Perhaps he fpake it when the Moone did chandge And thereupon (no doubt) th'occafion fprunge, Vnconftant Lima, ouer rul'd his tongue. Astronomers that traffique with the Skie, By common cenfure fomtimes meete the lie: Although indeede their blame is not fo much, When Starres, & Planets faile, & keepe not tutch. And fo this fellow with his lardge profeflion, That endes his triall in a farre digreflion: Philofophers bequeathed him their fbone, To make golde with ; yet can his purfe holde none.
FINIS.
61
4
SATIRE.
, fweete Rofe-watred elloquence, Thou that haft hunted Barbarifme hence, And taught the Goodman Cobbin, at his plow, To be as eloquent, as Tullie now: Who nominicates his Bread and Cheefe a name, (That doth vntruffe the nature of the fame,) His stomacke stayer. How dee like the phrafe? Are Plough-men fimple fellowes now adayes? Not fo, my Maifters: What meanes Singer then? And Pope the Clowne, to fpeake fo Boorifh, when They count erfaite the Clownes vpon the Stage ? Since Countrey fellowes grow in this fame age, To be fo quaint in their new printed fpeech, That Cloth will now compare with Veluet breech Let him difcourfe, euen where, and when he dare, Talke nere fo Ynk-horne learnedly and rare, Sweare Cloth breech is a peflant (by the Lord)
Threa-
SATYRES.
Threaten to dravve his wrath-venger, his fvvorde : Tufh, Cloth-preech doth deride him with a laugh, And lets him fee Bone-baster\ thats his ftaffe: Then tells him brother, friend, or fo foorth, heare ye Tis not your knitting-needle, makes me feare ye. If to afcention you are fo declinde, I haue a reflitution in my minde: For though your beard do ftand fo fine muftated, Perhaps your nofe may be transfifticated. Man, I dare challenge thee to throw the fledge, To iumpe or leape ouer a ditch or hedge, To wraftle, play at ftooleball, or to runne, To pitch the barre, or to fhoote off a gunne : To play at loggets, nine holes, or ten pinnes, To trie it out at foot-ball by the fhinnes ; At Ticktacke, Irifh, Noddle, Maw, and Ruffe : At hot-cockles, leape-frogge, or blindman-buffe : To drinke halfe pots, or deale at the whole canne : To play at bafe, or pen-and Ynk-horne fir Than; To daunce the Morris, play at barly-breake : At all exploytes a man can thinke or fpeake: At fhoue-groate, venter poynt, or croffe and pile. At befhrow him that's lafl at yonder ftyle,
At
64
SATYRES.
At leaping ore a Midfommer bon-fier, Or at the drawing Dun out of the myer : At any of thefe, or all thefe prefently, Wagge but your finger, I am for you, I ; I fcorne (that am a younfter of our towne) To let a Bowe-bell Cockney put me downe. This is a Gallant farre beyond a Gull, For very valour filles his pockets full. Wit fhowers vpon him Wifedomes raine in plenty For heele be hangd, if any man finde twenty In all their parifh, whatfoere they be, Can mew a head fo polleticke as he. It was his fathers lucke of late to die Vnteftate\ he about the Legacie To London came, inquiring all about, How he might finde a Ciuill-villin out. Being vnto a Ciuill Lawyer fent, Pray Sir (quoth he) are you the man I meant: That haue a certaine kinde of occupation, About dead men, that leaue things out of fafhion f Death hath done that which t'anfware he's not My Father he is dyed deteftable: (able,
I being his eldeft heire, he did prefer
E.
Me
SATYRES.
Me Sir, to be his Executioner:
And verie breifly my requeft to finnifh,
Pray how may I by law, his goods diminifh?
Was this a Clowne? tell true, or was a none?
You make fatte Clownes, if fuch as he be one:
A man may fweare, if he were vrg'd to it,
Foolifher fellowes, haue not fo much wit.
Oh fuch as he, are euen the onely men,
Loue letters in a Milke-maides praife to pen ;
Lines that will woke the curfteft fullen fhrow,
To loue a man whether me will or no.
Being moft wonderous pathetticall,
To make Cifsc out a cry in loue withall :
He fcornes that maifter Scholemaifter mold thinke
He wants his aide in halfe a pen of ynke:
All that he doth it commeth ery whit,
From natures dry-fat, his owne mother wit.
As thus:
Thou Honnyfuckle of the Hawthorne hedge, Vouchfafe in Cupids cuppe my hart to pledge : My hartes deare blood fweete Cts, is thy caroufe, Worth all the Ale in Gammer Gubbins houfe: I fay no more affaires call me away,
My
66
SATYRES.
My Fathers horfe for prouender doth ftay.
Be thou the Lady Crefsit-light to mee,
Sir Trollelolle I will proue to thee.
Written in hafte : farewell my Cowflippe fweete,
Pray lets a Sunday at the Ale-houfe meete.
FINIS.
E 2.
67
SATIRE.
'"Pis a bad worlde, the comon fpeach doth go,
And he complaines, that helps to make it fo : Yet euery man th'imputed crime would fhunne, Hipocrifie with a fine threed is fpunne. Each ftriues to fhew the verie beft in feeming, Honeft enough, if honeft in efteeming: Praife waites vpon him now with much renowne, That wrappes vp Vices vnder Vertues gowne : Commending with good words, religious deedes, To helpe the poore, fupplie our neighbours needes Do no man wrong, giue euery man his owne, Be friend to all, and enemie to none; Haue charitie, auoyde contentious ftrife, Oft he fpeakes thus, that nere did good in's life. Deri/ion hath an ore in euerie Boate, In's Neighboures eie he quickly fpies a moate, E3
But
SATYRES.
But the great beame that's noted in his owne,
He lets remaine, and neuer thinkes theron.
Some do report he beares about a facke,
Halfe hanging forwards, halfe behind at's backe:
And his owne faultes (quite out of fight and minde)
He cafts into the part that hanges behinde:
But other mens, he putteth in before,
And into them, he looketh euermore.
Contempt corns very neere to th'others vaine,
He hates all good deferts with proud difdaine :
RaJJinefsc is his continuall walking mate,
Coftly apparreld, loftie in his gate :
Vp to the eates in double ruffes and ftartch,
God bleffe your eiefight when you fee him march :
Statutes, and lawes, he dare prefume to breake,
Againft fuperiors cares not what he fpeake.
It is his humours recreation fittes,
To beate Counftables and refift all writtes,
Swearing the ripeft wits are childifli young ;
Vnleffe they gaine inftru6tions from his tongue.
Theres nothing done amongft the verie beft,
But he'l deride it with fome bitter ieft.
It's meate and drinke vnto him allwaies, when
He
70
SATYRES.
He may be cenfuring of other men.
If a man do but toward a Tauerne looke,
He is a drunkard, he'l fweare on a Booke:
Or if one part a fray of good intention,
He is a quarreller, and loues diffention.
Thofe that with filence vaine difcourfes, breake,
Are proud fantafticks, that difdaine to fpeake:
Such as fpeake foberly with wifdoms leafure,
Are fooles, that in affected fpeach take pleafure:
If he heare any that reproueth vice,
He faies, thers none but hipocrites fo nice.
No honeft woman that can paffe along,
But muft endure fome fcandall from his tongue.
She, deales croffe blowes her hufand neuer feeles :
This gentlewoman, weareth capering heeles ;
There minces Mall, to fee what youth wil like her.
Her eies do beare her witneffe fhe's a ftriker.
Yonders a wentch, new dipt in bewties blaze,
She, is a maide as maides go now a daies.
And thus Contempt makes choifeft recreation.
In holding euery one in deteftation,
His common gate is of the ietting fize,
He hath a paire of euer-ftaring eies/
And
SATYRES.
And lookes a man fo hungry in the face, As he would eate him vp, and nere fay grace. A little low cround Hatte he alwayes weares, And Fore-horfe-like therein a Feather beares. Goodly curld lockes ; but furely tis great pitty, For want of kembing, they are beaftly nitty. His Dobblet is a cut caft Satten one, (none,
He fcornes to buy new now, that nere bought Spotted in diners places with pure fat, Knowne for a right tall trencher man by that. His Breeches that came to him by befriending, Are defperate like him felfe, & quite part mending He takes a common courfe to goe vntruft, Except his Shirt's a wafliing; then he muft Goe woollward for the time: hee fcornes it hee, That worth two Shirts his Laundrefle fhould him The weapons that his humors do afford, (fee.
Is Bum-dagger, and basket hilted Sword. And thefe in euery Bawdie houfe are drawne Twice in a day, vnlefle they be at pawne. If any fall together by the eares, To field cries he; why? zownes (to field) he fweares Shew your felues men : hey, flam it out with blowes
Let
72
SATYRES.
Let won make tothers guts garter his hofe, Make Steele and Iron vmpiers to the Fray, You fhall haue me goe with, to fee faire play: Let mee alone, for I will haue a care To fee that one do kill the tother faire. This is Contempt, that's euery ones difdayner. The ftrife purfuer, and the peace refrayner: Hates thunderbolt, damn'd Murders larum-bell, A neare deare Kinfman to the Diuell of hell : And he whom Sathan to this humor bringes, Is th'only man for all detefted thinges.
FINIS.
73
6.
SATIRE.
rV*Oms no good fellow, nor no honeft man :
Hang him, he would not pledge Rafe halfe a can But if a friend may fpeake as he doth thinke, Will is a right good fellow, by this drinke: Oh William, William, th'art as kind a youth, As euer I was drunke with, thats the trueth. Tom is no more like thee, then Chalks like Cheefe To pledge a health, or to drinke vp-fe freefe : Fill him his Beaker, he will neuer flinch, To giue a full quart pot the empty pinch. Heele looke vnto your water well enough, And hath an eye that no man leaues a fnuffe. A pox of peecemeale drinking (William fayes) Play it away, weele haue no ftoppes and ftayes. Blowne drinke is odious, what man can disieft it: No faythfull drunkard, but he doth deteft it.
75
SATYRES.
I hate halfe this ; out with it, and an end,
He is a buzard will not pledge his friend, (clofed
But ftandes as though his drinkes malt-facke were
With, Heer's fye Sir, againftyou are difpofed?
How fay my friend, an may I be fo bold ;
Blowing on's Beere like broth to make it cold,
Keeping the full glafle till it (land and fower,
Drinking but after halfe a mile an hower,
Vnworthy to make one, or gaine a place,
Where boone companions gage the pots apace.
A mans a man, and therewithall an ende,
Goodfellowfhip was bred and borne to fpende,
No man ere faw a pound of forrow yet,
Could be alowd to pay an ounce of debt.
We may be heere to day, and gone to morrow.
Call mee for fixe pots more; come on, hang forrow
Tut, lacke another day? Why, tis all one,
When we are dead, then all the world is gone.
Begin to me good Ned: What? haft gon right ?
Is it the fame that tickeld mee laft night?
We gaue the Brewers Diet-drinke a wipe:
Braue Malt-Tabacco in a quart pot-pipe,
It netteld mee, and did my braines infpire,
I haue
76
SATYRES.
I haue forfworne your drinking fmoake and fier :
Out vpon Cane and leafe Tabacco fmell ;
Diuels take home your drinke; keepe it in hell.
Carowfe in Cannons Trinidado fmoake,
Drinke healths to one another till you choake,
And let the Indians pledge you till they fweate,
Giue me the element that drowneth heate :
Strong fodden Water is a vertuous thing,
It makes one fweare, and fwagger like a King,
And hath more hidden Vertue then you thinke,
For He maintaine, good liquor's meate and drinke :
Nay, He go further with you, for in troth,
It is as good as meate, and drinke, and cloth ;
For he that is in Mault-mans Hall inrolde,
Cares not a poynt for hunger nor for colde.
If it be cold, he drinketh till he fweate,
If it be hot, he drinkes to lay the heate:
So that how euer it be, cold or hot,
To pretious vfe he doth apply the pot :
And will approue it Phifically found ;
If it be drunke vpon the Danijh round,
Or taken with a Pickle-herring or two,
As Flemmings at Saint Katherines vfe to do :
Which
77
SATYRES.
Which fifh hath vertue, eaten fait and raw,
To pull drinke to it, euen as leate doth ftraw.
Oh tis a verie whetftone to the braine,
A march-beere fhewer that puts downe April raine
It makes a man a&iue to leape and fpring,
To daunce and vault, to carrowle and to fing:
For all exploytes it doth a man inable,
T'out leape mens heades, and caper ore the table.
To buroe Sacke with a candle till he reeles,
And then to trip-vp his companions heeles,
To fing like the great Organ pipe in Paules,
And cenfure all men vnder his controules.
Againft all commers ready to maintainc,
That deepeft witt is in a drunken braine.
I marry is it; that it is he knowes it;
And by this drinke, at all times will depofe it,
He fayes, that day is to a minute fhrunke,
In which he makes not fome good fellow drunke :
As for nine Worthies on his Hoftes wall,
He knowes three worthy drunkards pafle them all/
The firft of them in many a Tauerne tride,
At laft fubdued by Aquauittz, dide.
His fecond Worthies date was brought to fine,
Fea-
SATYRES.
Feafting with Oyfters and braue Rennifh wine. The third, whom diuers Dutchmen held full deere, Was ftabb'd by pickeld Hearinges & ftrong Beere. Well, happy is the man doth rightly know, The vertue of three cuppes of Charnico, Being taken failing, th'only cure for Flegme, It worketh wonders on the braine, extreame. A pottle of wine at morning, or at night, Drunke with an Apple, is imployed right, To rince the Liuer, and to purifie A dead ficke Hart from all infirmitie.
FINIS.
Liud
79
7-
SATIRE.
T lu'd the Philofopher Heraclitus
•^In Troynouant, as once in Ephefus\
Were not Democrites liue's-date full done,
But he with vs, an's glaffe fome fande to runne :
How would the firft, dry-weepe his watry eyes?
And th'others laughter, eccho through the skies?
For while they in this world were refident,
Heraclitus, for Vertue's banifhment,
Perform'd a penfiue teare-complayning part :
Democrites, he laugh'd euen from his hart,
Spending his time in a continuall left,
To fee bafe Vice fo highly in requeft.
Weepe Vertues want, and giue fad fighes too boote ;
Vice rides on horfebacke, Vertue goes on foote :
Yet laugh againe as faft on th'other fide,
To fee fo vile a fcumme preferr'd to ride.
F. But
81
SATYRES.
But what wilt helpe to figh on flntie fmne?
T'will not be mollifide as it hath binne:
T'is farre more highly fauour'd then before,
For Sinn's no begger, (landing at the dore,
That by his patches doth his want difpute,
But a right welcome Sir, for's coftly fute:
And maskes about with fuch an oftentation,
World fayes, Vice-haters loues no recreation.
You (hall haue fmooth-fac'd neate Disfimulation,
A true What lackeyee? by his occupation,
Will (/ in trueth\ Yes truely^) fhew you ware,
All London cannot with his ftuffe compare.
Nay, If you match it (goe from him to any)
Take his for nothing, pay him not a penny.
At this, my fimple honeft Country-man
Takes Tructh, and Tmely, for a Puritan,
And dares in's confcience fweare he loues no lying,
But that they deale for, he giues him the buying:
To let him haue a pen-worth he is willing;
Yet for a groates-worth makes him pay a (hilling,
Giues good-man Trollopp one thing for another,
And fayes, hee'le vfe him as he were his brother:
But while his eares with Brothers tearmes he feedes,
He
SATYRES.
He prooueth but a Coofen in his deedes : Brotherhood once in kindred bore the fway, But that dates out, and Coofnage hath the day. The foregone ages that are fpent and donne, The olde time paft, that calles time prefent Sonne, Saw better yeeres, & more plaine-meaning howers Then prefently, or future following ours. The worlde is naught, and now vpon the ending, Growes worfe & worfe, & fardeft off fro mending. Seauen grand Deuills, bred and borne in Hell, Are grac'd like Monarches, on the earth to dwell.- wher they comaund the worlds whole globy roud Leauing poore Vertuous life, no dwelling ground. Pride is the firft, and he began with Eue, Whofe cognifance Hill's worne on womens fleeue He fits the humours of them in their kinde, With euery moneth, new liueries to their minde. A Buske, a Maske, a Fanne, a monHrous Ruffe, A boulHer for their Buttockes, and fuch Huffe : More light and toyifh then the wind-blown chaffe As though they meant to make the Deuill laughe. The next that marcheth, is the roote of euill, Cal'd Couetoufnefse, a greedy rafcall Deuill:
F 2. To
SATYRES.
To fill old Iron barred cherts, he rakes, Great rents for litle Cottages he takes : Hordeth vp corne, in hope to haue a yeare, Fit for his cut-throate humour, to fell deare. Then is there a notorious bawdie Feend, Nam'd Letcherie; who all his time doth fpend, In two wheeld Coatch, and bafon occupation : Makeing a vaulting howfe his recreation, Vnto his doore the Sumner howerly marches : And euerie Tearme, looke for him in the Arches. Enuie's the fourth : a Deuill, dogged fprighted, In others harmes he cheifly is delighted ; His heart againft all charitie is fteeld, His frownes are all challenges to the field : Though nothing croffe him, yet he murmers euer, He laughs at fome mans loffe, or els laughs neuer. Wrath is the next, that fwaggers, fightes, & fwears, In Flectstreete, brauely at it by the eares: Parboild in rage, pepperd in heate of ire, Hotte Hue d, and as cholericke as fier. Vitlers, and Sear/ants, are beholden to him, Till halter deftinie, of life vndo him. Sixt lubberly gor-belled Deuill great,
Is
SATYRES.
Is Gluttony, fwolne with exceffe of meate: His bellifliip containes th' infatiate gutte, paunch'd liquor proofe, an' twere a Malmfie butte, Dulled with drinke : this is his vfuall phraife, Yet one quart, and a morfell more, he fayes. The laft is Sloth, a lazie deuelifh curre, So truft in Idlenefse, he fcarce can fturre: Lumpifh and heauie thoughtes, of Sathans giuing, That rather beggs, then labours for his liuing. Thefe feauen, are feends come forth of Hells darke On earth feduceing foules, mifguiding men. (den,
FINIS.
TIS
Merrievvhen
Gofsips meete.
AT LONDON,
Printed by W. W. and are to be fold by George L oft 'us at the Golden Ball in Popes-head Alley, i 602.
GENTLEMEN.
CHaucer, our famous reuer'nt EngliJJi Poet When Canterbury tales he doth begin, (Suchashaue red his auncientverfes know it) Found ftore of Guefts in South -warke at an Inne, The Taberd cal'd, where he himfelfe then lay, And bare them Pilgrimes company next day.
A Kentifh iourney they togither tooke, Towards Canterbury marching nine andtwentie KnightjMarchantjDodlor.MillerjSquire^Cooke, Scholler, andSaylor, with Good-fellowesplentie, But of blithe Wenches fcarcitie he hath Of all that Crue none but the wife of Bathe.
A London Tauerneputs their Inne downe then Wherein three Citizens; Wife, Widdow, Mayde, Didkindely meete, andtalke, anddrinke like men, Andonefpent more thenjixe oftotherpayde. Not penny a quart, dull Ale, nor drowfie Beere Butfpritely wine, that makes the witJJiine cleere.
S. R.
A2
A Conference betweene a Gentle- man and a Prentice.
Prentice. Hat lacke you Gentle-man ? fee a
new Booke new come foorth, fir: buy* a new Booke fir.
New Booke fay'ft : Faith I can Gentleman. fee no prettie thing come foorth to my humours liking. There are fome old Bookes that I haue more delight in then your new, if thou couldft helpe me to them.
Troth fir, I thinke I can fhew you as many of all Prentlce- forts as any in London, fir.
Can'ft helpe mee to all Greenes Bookes in one Gentleman. Volume ? But I will haue them euery one, not any wanting.
Sir; I haue the moft part of them, but I lacke Conny-catching, and fome halfe dozen more : but I thinke I could procure them. There be in the To wne I am fure can fit you : haue you all the Parts of Paf- quill, fir?
All the Parts, why I know but two, and thofe lye there vpon thyftalle; them I haue : but no other am I yet acquainted with.
A
Oh,
A Conference betweene
Prentice.
Gentleman Prentice.
Gentleman.
Prentice.
Gentleman.
Prentice.
Oh, fir then you haue but his Mad-cappe, and his Fooles-cappe, there are others befides thofe: looke you heere, a prettie Booke He affure you fir. T'is his Melancholy, fir: and ther's another and you pleafe fir : heer's Morall Philofophy of the laft edition.
What's that with No/lies name to it there ?
Marry fir, t'is Pierce Penny-lefte, fir; I am fure you know it : it hath beene a broad a great while fir.
Oh, I thou fay'ft true, I know't pasfing well : is that it. But were's the new Booke thou tel'ft me off, which is it ?
Marry, looke you fir, this is a prettie odde conceit, Of a Merrie meeting heere in London, betweene a Wife, a Widdow, and a Mayde.
Merrie meeting, why, that Title is ftale : Ther's a Booke cal'd, T'is merry when knaues meete. And ther's a Ballad, T^is merry when Malt-men meete: and befides, there's an olde Prouerbe, The more the merrier: And therefore I thinkefure I hauefeeneit.
You are deceiued fir, He affure you, for I will bee depofed vpon all the Bookes in my Shoppe
that
Gentleman and a Prentice.
that you haue not feene it; t'is another manner of thing then you take it to bee, fir : For I am fure you are in Loue, or at leaft will bee, with one of thefe three : or fay you deale but with two, The Wid- dow and the Mayde\ becaufe the Wife is another mans commoditie : is it not a prettie thing to carry Wife, Mayde, and Widdow in your pocket, when you may as it were conferre and heare them talke togither when you will ? nay more, drinke togither : yea, and that which is a further matter; vtter their mindes,chufeHusbands,andcenfureComplecl:ions; and all this in a quiet and friendly fort, betweene themfelues and thepinte-pot, or the quart quantitie, without any fwaggering or fquabbling, till the Vintners pewter-bearer in a Boyes humour gaue
out the laugh at them.
-ru r JA. 11 t -in i r> i • Gentleman.
1 hou lay ft well, be-like thy Booke is a con-
iuring kinde of Booke for the Femenine Spirits, when a man may rayfe three at once out of his
P°cket- Prentice.
Truely fir, He affure you, you may make vertious
vfeof this Bookediuerswayes,if you hauethegrace
A 4 to
A Conference.
to vfe it kindly; as for enfample : fit alone priuately in your Chamber reading of it, and peraduenture the time you beftow in viewing it, will keepe you from Dice, Tauerne, Bawdy-houfe, and fo foorth.
Gentleman. Nay, if your Booke be of fuch excellent qual- litie and rare operation, wee muft needeshauefome Traffique together. Heere take your money, i'ft fixe-pence ?
Prentice. I certaine tis no leffe, fir: I thanke yee fir.
Gentleman. What is this an Epiftle to it?
Prentice ^es f°r-f°oth: Yes ti's Dedicated/
TO ALL THE PLEA-
faunt conceited LONDON
Gentle-women that are friends to mirth, and enemie to dull Melancholy.
To all the pleafant conceited London
Gentlewomen*) that arefriendes to mirth,
and enemies to dull Melancholy.
KInde Gentlewomen of the kinder fort, Which are nokindredvnto dogged natures: ThoughfomeofyoukeepeprettieCursforfport, Yet you your felues become no currifh creatures', But in your mirth haue good conceipts andwittie, True London bred, in England's famous Cittie.
To you this merry meeting is prefented, As the beft worthy for to entertaine it. Itfcornes the fingers of the difcontented, And bids afiggefor them that do difdaine it: Ti's not for fullen fad-ones, peeuifh braue, That nothing but the Afses vertues haue.
The lumpijh leaden melancholy thought, Thafs next dore-neighbour to a frantique braine, Whofe doltifh vnderflanding1 s good for nought, And is an out-caft to a p leaf aunt vaine: Smyling as often as Powlesy?^/^ daunces-,
B.
And
To the Gentle-women Readers.
And take her liquor by the Dram and ounce With Faith I cannot drinke, cry fie, and frownc, Let her all good Societie renounce, 'And turne afcuruey barren witted clowne : She is too bafe, in any Common-wealth, To be at drinking of a Gofsips health.
Letfuch go keepe their chamber and tfteir dyet, And looke as pale as any Parris plajler, And let their hufbands neuer Hue in quiet Vnlefse the Fanne and Farthing-gale be majler: And let them be euen at the bejl they can Both crofse-confumers, and croffe lucke to man.
Their Hues are nothing els butfretfull humours ;
They know not how to thinke a courteous thought ;
Their tongues arefwolne withprid's corrupted tumors
Turne Infide out-ward, all's (alike) Jlarke naught. TJien let tJiem be caJJieerd and walke aloof e, Such paltry wencJies are not Clarret-firoofe.
But
To the Gentle-women Readers.
But as for you good liquor taking Dames Tkatproue moft friendly in your day ly greeting] And do defer ue right louing Gofsips names, The Pynt and quart beng witnes to your meeting Why much good dee, pray Jit yee merry all, For t'other Pynt to make it euen, call.
Who hath to do with what you pleafe to take, It is well knowne to be your owneyoufpend To euery foole account ye need not make, You pay for that you haue and there an end: There's many deale vpon thefcorefor wine, When they Jhould pay forget the Vint' ners Syne.
You are like Dido that fame famous Queene That dranke a health vnto the wandring Prince; Such a Carrowfe, the like hath not beenefeene In Carthage, to that houre nor neuerjince: She ply d him with the Wine in golden Cup, Turning the liquor in; the bottome vp.
B2
So
To the Gentle-women Readers.
So did Semiramis, King Minus wife, When Jlie obtaynd three dayes to rule the Crowne She prooud a good companion all her life, And hand to hand dranke all her Nobles downe: And all chief e Wenches at a Gosjips feaft, She made them Ladyes euery one at leafl.
Cato, for wifedome being furnamd the Wife, The learned and the witty fentence fpeaker, Did marrie one iuft of the Gosfepsfife: And in difcretion neuer fought to breake-her: Though fie the art of knowledge did prof ej/e, She would not drinke a droppe of Wine the leffe.
Therefore youfhall not greatly need to care, For euery bufie tongue tJiat doth abufc-you : But if tJiat in a priuate roome you are, Andhaue a Drawer that good Winewillchufe-you, Withfrolique myrth this meafureftillapplie, Tune your Tongues low, take not a Cuppe too hie.
FINIS.
12
In Commendation of this Booke.
I Cannot tell how others will thee like, But my conceit is thou art pafsing wittie : No viperous tongue thy pleafant vayne will ftrike; And if they fhould, (in fayth) the more t'were pittie. Thou meddl'll not with Wines which ciuill bee, But Widdowes wanton ; Maydes of mean'ft degree : What reafon then haue enuious, enuie thee?
Thou art not feated in a fumptuous Chaire,
Nor do thy Lines import of Maieftie :
Thy table is not deckt with coftly fayre,
Thy feruants at a call, Anon will crie :
In deed thy drinke is (Spirit, Vigor, Life,
No fpurre to Enuie, nor no prop for Strife)
Good Wine which cheer's a VViddow, Mayde, or Wife.
Thou art not thwack't with baudy riball'd ftuffe, Nor dooft thou touch in ought a vertuous creature, Thou need'ft not care though Vice at thee do fnuffe, A vicious man is like a fyrie Meature, Which fhewes farre off a terror to the eye : Yet as a flam of lightning foone doth dye : But thou of Mirth and not of heat art framed, A G of sips friendly meeting art thou named.
loh. Strange.
Tis merrie when
Gofsips meete.
The Conference.
GOod dea'ne fweet Coufen, lefu! how de'e do? Widdow. When fhall we eate another Dagger Pyel You are a ftranger : Chrift! when met we two? I mufe you do not call as you go by : What luckie bufmeffe pra'y hath brought you hither That we mould meete at Tauerne-doore togither,
In trueth (kinde Couffe) my comming's from the Pawne, Wife.
But I proteft I loft my labour theare:
A Gentle-man promi'ft to giue me Lawne,
And did not meete me, which he well fhall heare.
Some lets may happen in the way vnknown. vvid.
He hath beene hindred that's to bide vpon. Wife.
Why how now Befse, to paffe vnfeene do'ft thinke? Wid. Where go'ft my wench? (Befse) To fee my brother Steuen. Heer's Widdow, Wife and Mayde: E'faith lets drinke A parting Pynt, and fo God make vs euen :
Slippe in good Confen, you are next the doore,
Won Pynt of Kindneffe and away no more.
B4
No
Tis merry when
Wife. No in good faith: in troth I mud away,
My Husband's forth, our Shoppe muft needes be tended
Mayd. My Mothers gone to Church, I cannot (lay : If I be found from home, fhee'le be offended.
Widd. He lead the way my felfe: Lord heer's alife,
I know thefe fliifts fmce I was Mayde and Wife.
Where (hall we bee (Vint.} I pray go vp the ftaires. Wife. Good Coufen no, let's take it (landing heere. VVid. Befhrew me then ; where euery one repayres,
He none of that, wee'le haue a roome my deere.
Come, come, you looke that I mail be your leader. Wife. Couffe, that's becaufe you are a nimble treader.
Vint. Y'are welcome Gentle-women: what Wine drinke ye?
Wfc/. All's one to me: what fay you miflris Befse?
Wife. What Wine's the befl for our completions thinke ye?
Vint. I haue no Phificke. ( Wife.) Yet good brother geffe.
W*V/. Why, ha'fl good Clarret ? ( Vint} I, the befl in London.
Wife. Either fill good : be briefe: or leaue't vndon.
Heere
16
Gofsips meete.
Heere Gentle-women this is neate and pure. Vint.
Pra'y tafte it Couffe, you know good Wine and Beere. Wife. Good Lord, good Lord that you grow fo demure. VVid.
Let's drinke familier, wherefore come we heeref
This to you both, Couffe Grace, and miftreffe Bejfe;
A full Carowfe, He haue you pledge no leffe.
T'is pretie wine in trueth: nay fill your Cup, Wee'le haue no pingling now we are alone, If here were men I would not drinke it vp For twentie pounds my felfe, but now al's one: Someime wet lip, and fmell the wine's enough, And leefe a kiffe, rather then marre our ruffe.
But now let's barre diffembling to be merrie And in good earneft entertaine our wine : This touch and tafte, makes the fences wearie, What reafon now wee fhould be foolifh fine? No louer nor no futer's here that fees-it : We haue good time, and liquor, let's not leefe-it.
Content
Tis merrie when
Wife. Content (fay I) nay Befse, He be thy skinker. Mayd. In trueth (for-footh) a full cup doth excell,
Good Lord, I am become a mightie drinker. Wid. Another pint : the fellow vf'd vs well. Wife. I by my troth the wine is good in trueth,
Fill t'other pint. ( Wid.) Pre'thee go right fweet youth.
Wid. Now Cuffe, heere's to our friendes in Soper-latie. Wife. Let come fweete Coufen, I will pledge them all. Wid. But Iefu-Chrift\ what is become of lane? Wife. Oh, fhe is gone to dwell by London-wall. Wid. Good God (in footh^ I neuer was more merry Then when we both did dwell in Bucklers-berry.
Now heau'nly Chrift, how pleafant we haue bin: But yet won time we had a cruell flirre, A Drapers man and fhe were mighty in.
Wife. I pra'y, what fhe with him, or he with her?
Wid. Fayth both in loue: well lane's an honeft Mayde, But Lord the prankes that we mad-wenches playde.
My
Gofsips meete.
My Miftreffe got my Maifter to confent One Midfommer, fhee beeing very ill, To leaue the Cittie, and goe lie in Kent, By which good hap we had the houfe at will.
There Roger, lane, and I, met euery night.
Heere Befse: good brother fill's a quart of White.
Wife.
No Mufique in the euenings we did lacke, Such dauncing, Couffen, you would hardly thinke it : Whole pottles of the daintieft burned Sacke, T'would do a Wench good at the hart to drinke it, Such ftore of tickling Galliardes, I do vow Not an olde daunce, but Ihan come kiffe-me now.
Wid.
And let them talke and prayfe the marriage life
To be full of pleafure, as they fay,
I that haue liu'd both Widdow, Mayde, and Wife,
And try'd all pleafures euery kinde of way
Know what to doo: and will maintaine this ftill, That of the three, Maydes haue the world at will.
C 2
E'faith
Tis merrie when
Wife. E'faith they haue, and haue not, for you know : (Put to the doore her's none but friends you fee) They fay loue creepeth where it cannot go, Maydes muft be married, leaft they mar'd fhould bee. I will be fworne, before I faw fifteene, I wifh't that I my wedding day had feene.
Tufh tittle, tatle: Befse, it muft be done. My coufm thinkes not as her words import I could not for a world haue liu'd a Nun : Oh, flefh is frayle, we are a fmfull fort.
I know that beauteous wenches are enclinde, To harbour hanfome men within their minde.
Coufen you meane becaufe a Mayde is free, Hauing no head to keepe her body vnder She Hues a life not bound fo much as wee, The ieft is fimple and it makes me wonder
That you which haue with Venus fports beene fed, Should put fuch errours in a May dens hed.
Nay
Gofsips meete.
Nay, but I pray you vnderftand my reafon : The youthfull fauours that they do attaine, For this you know that all the woing feafon Sutors with gifts continuall feeke to gaine
Their Miftreffe loue, to ioine with their affedlion With words and Lyues, humbled in all fubieclion.
Wid.
That's very true, the bountie of their Loues Are lib'rall ftill with many a kinde refpecl:, In confcience I had tweentie paire of Gloues When I was Mayde giu'n to that effecl: :
Garters Kniues, Purfes, Girdles, fbore of Rings, And many a hundred daintie pretie things.
Wife.
Well, Coufen well, thofe daies in date be paft, Wid.
T'is very true with vs that world doth change. Wife.
Here ftands a Cup of wine, pra'y who dranke laftf
Why that did I to Befse\ Lord! Maydes be ftrange, Wid. They looke for thoufand words of fweet and pray And take few things to which they fay not nay.
C.?
T'is
Tis merry when
Maydc. Tis Maydens modeftie to vfe denyall,
A willing offer commeth twice or thrice. Wid. Put here's a cup of Wine doth ftand for tryall, Your Mayden-fhip takes liquor in too nice:
Praymende your fault, kinde/?<?/jr,wee'le none of that, Wine and Virginitie kept ftale, drinke flat:
Maydc. You are to blame, in trueth we drinke like men,
Now by my truely I am e'ne afhamed. Wid. Tut wench, God knowes when we fhall meete agen : Nor neede we feare of husbandes to be blamed. Our cent of Wine, mail not by them be felt, The married Wife in kisfmg will be fmelt.
Wife. Oh Cuffe, if that be all the worft, I care not, He take allowance euen with the beft : This cup to you, you fhall not fay I dare not : My Husband fmell; oh lefu, there's a ieft, I care as little for my Husbands fmelling, As any Wench this houre in London dwelling.
T'is
22
Gofsips meete.
T'is well you need not: fure I take him kinde. Wid.
As kinde a man as woman need to lie-with. Wife.
Would I as well were fitted to my minde, Mayde. A louing Man who would not Hue and die with?
My Husband did to other Loues encline. vvid.
Nay, mine is conftant by this cup of Wine. Wife.
Now Chrift, how Wiues and Widdowes take occafions Mayd. T'in-large their Husbandes credites, or difprayfe: Some harbour iealousthoughtes,fome kinde perfwafions: In fome match men, in fome the women ftrayes : And when they meete, they do difcourfe and fcan About whofe choyce hath got the kindeft man.
Alas (good Befse] thou fpeak'ft thou know'ft not what, Thy Judgement is not worth a Wallnut-mell : There's an old graue Prouerbe tell's vs that Such as die Maydes, doe all lead Apes in hell: I rather while I Hue, would yeerely marry, Then waighting-mayde on fuch preferment tarry.
Wife.
C4
That
Tis merry when
Mayde. That Prouerbs proofe can do you little ftead :
But married Wines oft giue and take fuch claps, Taurus fo rules and guides their husbands head, That euery night they fleepe in Horn-worke caps I pra'y what Prouerbe is it that allowes The Diuels picture on your husbands browes.
Wid. Enough you wrangling wenches, fie for fhame : Take me in drinke, leaue out our difputation. Pra'y brother, fill a pynt more of the fame. Wife. Coufen, belike you meane to drinke in fafhion, We mall be trim'd and haue our wits refin'de E'faith we mall, if you may haue your minde.
Wid. Now to your husband Couffe, this full Carrowfe. Wife. In trueth I pleadge you, and I thanke you truelie ;
To all our friends Befse, at your mothers houfe, Mayde. Thankes gentle Miftreffe Grace, I dranke but newlie. Wife. Befhrew my heart this wine is not the vvorft. Wid. Good-faith me-thinkes t'is better then the firft.
But
24
Gofsips meete.
But Couffen, pre-thee art not yet toward marriage ? Truely I am, and am not as it ftands : A Gentle-man of pafsing gallant carr'age Doth ply me hard, won that ha's pretie lands: Hanfomer man neuer in fhooe did tread, By this good drinke, a kinder ne're broke bread.
Wife. VVid.
To try his lone fometimes I faine me ficke, And by this Candle he will fit and weepe. Now by my troth that's e'ne my Good-mans tricke, Let me complaine : Chrift what a quoyle heele keepe, Asking what ailes my fweet-heart, tell mee honnie, My Loue, my Doue, my Lambe, my pretty Connie.
Wife.
See, fee, how fa'y: but firra Couffen than Widd.
I force a figh with halfe a douzen grones :
This comes (fayes he) to lie without a man, Wife.
My Husband fayes, kinde Loue thou breed'ft yong bones Well lohn (fay I) you ieft to fee my paine, Then by this wine, the foole will weepe againe.
D
Couffe
Tis merrie when
Wid. Coufife, you are happie you haue fuch a one,
Make much of him: a iewell Wench thou haft: But I had won would let me grone, and grone, The verieft Clowne; but well, tis gone and part, If he had liu'd Couflen, I do proteft I would haue done a thing: well, let that reft.
He neuer truft a red-hair'd man againe, If I mould Hue a hunered yeeres that's flat, His turne can not be feru'd with one or twaine: And how can any woman fufifer that?
I know t'is better to take wrong then do it, But yet in fuch a cafe flefh leades vs to it.
Mayd. Why, is a red-hair'd man fo bad of life? What fay you to a yellow flaxen haire? Wid. Not won among a hundred trew t'his Wife,
That conftant loyall-harted thoughts doth beare. They loue, but how? as did the youth of Greece, From euery Wench to gaine a golden Fleece.
And
26
Gofsips meete.
And they whofe mindes haue this corrupt infection, (Becaufe I would haue Befse to take good heede) Are fuch as be call'd Sanguine of complexion, I pre-thee Girle, let no fuch Sutor fpeede. I fpeake it by experience and good tryall, Of all haire-colours giue that haire deniall.
A Nut-browne colour, or an Abourne either May both do well, and are to be allow'd : A Waxen-colour hath no great fault neither, But for a ragged chin I firme haue vow'd, It fhall by me perpetuall be abhor'd, And with my heeles I fcorne it by the Lord.
Amanwhofe beard feemes fcar'dwith fprites t'haue bin, That wants the bountious grace, length, bredth,& thicknes And hath no difference twixt his nofe and chin, But all his haires haue got the falling ficknes,
Whofe fore-front lookes like lack-an Apes behinde, She that can loue him beares a fcuruey minde.
D 2
I pray
27
Tis merrie when
Wife. I pra'y what fay you to my husband then? Wid. The rar'ft completion that you can deuife:
The golden Sentence proues blacke-bearded men Are precious pearles in beauteous vvomens eies : Their loyall hearts none iuftly can controule, I loue a blacke-man, coufen, with my foule.
Wife. Let Bejfe note this, for when I was a Mayd, And to the loue of men began to bow, I gaue great eare to that which women fayd, When they were merry met as we are now : Yea, and my mother did perfwade me too, Wench (would fhe fay^ note what your elders doo.
That Leffon without booke was ftraight mine owne, Shee needed not repeate it ouer twice: I quickly fmelt what t'was to Hue alone, What to be kinde in Loue, what to be nice. Vint. Anan, anan; what i'ft (for-footh) you lacked
iwid. Sauceages, brother, and a pynt of Sacke.
No
28
Gofsips meete.
No more in fadneffe, now t'is time to part, Mayd. In confidence it is fixe a clocke at lead.
Wee'le haue a reckoning after t'other quart. Wid.
They fay enough's as good as any feaft. Mayde.
Indeede my wench, enough's a feaft that's right. Wid.
But we want that, which lie alone all night.
You both may mend that matter when you will, Wife.
Whofe fault i'ft but your owne, you do not marrie?
God made not Bejfe to Hue a May den ftill,
Faith t'is my mothers counfell that I tarrie : Mayd.
She alwaies faies when yong men come a woing, Stay daughter, ftay : you muft not yet be doing.
Now in good faith your mother is to blame Wid.
To wifh fo womanly a wench to ftay :
She knowes fifteene may husband iuftlie clame.
Fifteene! why I was that laft Lady -day: Mayde.
You are deceiu'd for I am no fuch youth, I am fixteene, when next March comes in truth.
D ? Befhrew
29
Tis merry when
Wid. Befhrew my hart but that's a goodly time, I would to Chrift that I could fay fo too, I would not linger out my youthfull prime, Nor ftand and aske my mother what to doo. No, I could tell I trow, as well as fhee, Toward Bate/tellers how May dens ought to bee.
Mayde. I, I know fome thing too: but what of that?
Our Parents willes (you know) muft be obay'd. Wife. Well, fay they muft : yet fhall I tell you what A Scholler tolde me when I was a Mayde :
Of marriage knot they haue no power to breake-it : Now by this Sacke, a Learned man did fpeake-it.
Wid. T'was nothing but found trueth which he did tell,
For Husbands, we our Parents muft forsake. Wife. Were this Wine burn'd Couffen, it would do well. Wid. Fayth I was thinking on it when you fpake. Mayde. My mother fayes burnt Sacke is good at night. vvid. A'my word Beffc, your mother's in the right.
Brother
Gofsips meete.
Brother, I pre-thee let this Wine be burn'd, Wife.
And fee (good youth) the Sauceages be ready,
To one good meaning our three mindes be turn'd,
When Sacke is fugerd t'will not be fo heady.
We drinke fo much my cheekes are pasfing warme. Mayde Sweete Elfabeth, good Wine can do no harme. Wife
Yet truft me Couffen, when I was a Girle, For Tauerne, no Young-man could get me to-it Neither for loue, gold, precious ftones, or pearle: My tongue deney'd when heart Inclyn'd to do it.
For by my fayth I euer lou'd good Wine,
But oft refrain'd, I was fo Mayden-fme.
Well wot you Bejfe, to whom He drinke too now, VVia.
Sure as I Hue, vnto your fifter Sifse,
And to the Youth that did the Angell bow,
And fent it for a token : trueth halfe this : He loues you both, vpon my word he doth, Refolue it, or you wrong him Befse, in foth.
D 4 His
Tis merry when
Mayde.
Wid. Mayde.
His loue to me I little do regard,
Perhaps my fifter doth refpe6l it more.
Then Elfabetk in truth you vfe him hard.
How hard? he had his anfwere long before: I will not loue him what fo e're befall, He haue a hanfome man, or none at all.
Wid. Mayde. Wid. Mayde.
Go too, go too, his riches do excell.
A Fig for wealth, t'is perfon I affe6l.
You are a foole : he will maintaine you well,
I tell you, I a proper man refpe6l :
De'e thinke that I with fuch a dwarffe will ftore-me, That mail difgrace me when he goes before-me?
He haue a comelie man from head to foote, 1 whofe neate limbes no blemifli can be fpi'd Whofe leg mail grace his flocking or his boote, And weare his rapier manlie by his fide: With fuch a one my humour doth agree, He fhall be welcome to my bed and me.
Befsc
Gofsips meete.
[BeJJe, and th'art wife, hold that opinion ftill, For were / to begin the world to morrow, In fuch a choice, /would my minde fulfill: And fo / drinke to thee.' come on, hang forrow: Wench, let it be thy rule at any hand, To make thy choyce euen as thy mind doth ftand.
Many do match (as true as this is Wine) With fome Dunce, Clown, or Gul, they care not who, For no caufe but to be maintained fine, and haue their wils in what they pleafe to do: When their hearts loues as much in other things, As there is Vertue in mine Apron-ftrings.
Faith tis too true. Fough, what a filthy fmell ? widdow
as fure as death / am e'ne like to choke,
Methinkes / feele my felfe not very well. Mayde
Now out vpon't it is Tobacco fmoke : Wife
Knocke Cozen knocke, heere is a filthy fmother, For Gods loue quicke; fome luniper fweet Brother.
E
There
33
Tis merrie when
widdow There cannot be a more detefted ftinke,
And yet you fee how dainty many make it.
Mayde. As true as this is Wine that I do drinke,
/ would not for a Crowne kifle one that takes it:
Wife. My Husband is fo kind an honeft man,
That heele touch none, if I fay, Do not Ian.
Widdow. His commendations certaine is the more, With one another we are bound to beare, He beares with you, fauour you him therefore. Wife. Surely I do, as both of you fhall heare:
T'is death to him to fmell but a Goofe-pye, and therefore Goofe-flefh neuer do I buy.
Widdow. That's a ftrange matter fure ; I loue a Goofe,
But for a Wood-cocke I did neuer care, wife. When I eat Pigge it makes my body loofe, Mayde. I loue a tender Rabbet, or a Hare,
A Turkey-pie, or Pigion for a need :
But on grofle Butchers flefli I cannot feed.
Couffen,
34
Gofsips meete.
Couffen, when I lay in of my firft Boy, Lord how I long'd to eate a Partridge wing, And when it came, my ftomacke had no ioy, But all my minde was of another thing. (buy,
Thou fhalt lacke nought (quoth lohn} that gold will Why then (fweet-hart) lets haue a Cherry-pye.
wife.
If London yeeld it (Loue) thou fhalt not lacke, So kind, methinkes I heare him ftill repeat it: But hafling downe the flaires, I cald him backe, Tis full of ftones (quoth 1)1 cannot eat it: With that he kift me, and began to weepe, And I being fomewhat heauy fell afleepe.
But then I fell into the ftrangeft dreame Of fire and water, that you euer heard : And / was troubled Couffe the moft extreame With one all night, that had a yellow beard :
And with a Cocke had neither fpurres nor combe, And with the little Bitch you haue at home.
Why
-35
Tis merrie when
Widdow, Why furely now you talke of dreames in fadnefle, I dream't laft night two Cattes did leape and skip, Playing together with great fport and gladnefle, Vntill one came to part them with a whip: I laughed that my heart did ake thereat, To fee the foolifh fellow whip the Cat.
Wife. A pretty ieft: But Bejfe to whom de'e drinke? /fpy a fault, you do your felfe forget: The Wine Hands waiting in the cup me thinke, Prethee my Wench, lets haue our lips kept wet.
I pledge thee my Girle : nay fweet now drinke it vp, A Gofsips round, that's euery one a Cup.
Widdow. Next houfe to mine a Gentlewoman lies, Fidler. Wilt pleafe you Gentlewomen heare a fong? Wife. Good fellow, now we are about to rife :
Where ftayes the Vintners feruice Boy fo long? Shut dore pray Coffen after that bafe groome, Weele haue no fidling Knaue difgrace our roome.
Well
Gofsips meete.
Well, go to Couffe, go forward with the reft, What reft I pray? I know not what you meane: No, why of her that is your neighbours gueft? T'is true, t'is true, my gallant filken Queane: I had forgot the talke I was about, The Fidler comes me in, and puts me out.
Widdow.
Wife.
Widdow.
Why flie forfooth (an't pleafe you) is fo fine, She neuer drinkes vnleffe fhe dine or fup, And then fhe hath her penny pot of wine: Marry and gip, fome body take her vp :
Some Do6lors wench a'my word for her skill, That takes in Diet by the dram and pill.
wife.
My Husband doth alow me lie be fworne, A pint a meale as true as we fit heere : I tell you (as my friends) I would e'ne fcorne To dine or fup without it in a yeere:
He knowes (efaith) to pleafe me in my diet, Or for a month I fhall be out of quiet
Then
37
Tis merry when
Then if he fees me out of patience once, Oh Chrift, how we will feeke to amends, Then do I figh to grieue him for the nonce, Wherewith, hee'le kifle and fay, Sweet loue be frends . I let him kifle, and fpeake me faire a while, And when the fullen humor's paft, I fmile.
widdoiv. I cannot chufe but praife thy pretty wit, It is the very courfe that I would take, Thou entertain'ft his humour palling fit.
Maydc. Why, I thought men had lou'd for kindneffe fake?
VVifc. Alas plaine wench, God knowes thou art not in it, She that will fettle loue, mud this way win it.
Mayde. Indeed I neuer heard that tricke before,
I thought mens loue muft ftill be fed with kindnefle, Wife. God helpe thee Beffe, not one among a fcore, That poore opinion is but Maidens blindnefle : In thefe things thou knoweft little, it appeares, But it will come, for now thou com'ft to yeares.
Why
Gofsips meete.
Why woman, if we feeme not in behauiour As though we car'd not greatly to confort, They'le thinke forfooth they do vs mighty fauour, And we muft feeme beholden for our fport: So beft in ftrangeneffe we our meanings hide, which makes them loue, & giue good words befide.
This for inftruction Bejffe, I haue difclofed, Intruth I yeeld more thankes then may be told, Heere's to you both againfl you are difpofed. Lord, while you talke the Sauceages wax cold, Come draw your kniues : fall to, I pray begin, You know cold Puddings are not worth a pin.
Mayde. zviddow.
How pretty fait they tail : but tis the better, Wife.
Moft rare efayth to drinke Sacke withall, widdoiv.
Befle, pray go too, will you remaine my detter? Why de'e not pledge me? troth and fayth you mall,
Nay fure all this : truft me t'is more then need, Mayde.
In truth, in fadneffe, now in very deed.
E4
Well,
39
Tis merry when
Widdoiv. Well, if you do not Bejfe you do me wrong,
You (hall not be forfworne for twenty pound, Maydc. How't burnes my belly as it goes along, Wife. My turne is next, and fo it pafleth round /
Looke Gentlewomen is it full de'e thinke ?
I fcorne to be intreated take my drinke.
Widdoiv. Why laugh you Coflen ? fweet lets know, Maydc. An odde conceite / thinke on makes me fmile: When I am forth in company, or fo, How by the dram I take in Wine that while, Kifsing the Cup, vpon the Wine I frowne, And fo with fmelling it, / fet it downe.
Some fimple fooles (all manners for his wit) Comes on me with the French falute moft quaintly, And fayes, Sweet, mend your draft, you drink no whit, Introth you (hew your felfe too mayden-dainty:
Drinke better Lady at my kind requeft,
7 fay fweet Sir, / can no wine digeft.
Marry wee'le]
40
Gofsips meete.
Marry wee'le beare you witnes when you will, lie take my oath on twentie Table-bookes, The laft full cup hath made you mightie ill : Some Roffa-folis: fee how pale fhe lookes.
Another pynt of that flie tafted laft,
To breake winde with, and then the worft is pafb.
VVid.
Good (efayth) good, my Cuffe is in the vaine, Wife.
lie match you for it, wench, I hold a Crowne,
Fill none vnleffe you'le drinke about againe.
Content, fay I, you cannot put me downe. Wid.
How fay'ft thon Befse, mail it be fo girle, fpeakef If I make one, pray God my girdle breake. Mayd.
Talke not fo loude, what will folke thinke that hearesf Wife.
The very Vintners Boy laugh'd when you fpake.
Had I feene that, I would haue found his eares: Widd.
Why maifter Boy, wee'le pay for that we take, Bafe groome, I fay, although thou tak'ft me mellow, Know fmooth fac'd Knaue,! am your Miftreffe fellow.
F Good
Tis merry when
Wife. Good Lord! what ayles my coufen be fo hot?
Tufh, let it paffe, you know Boyes fawcie be. Widd. It (hall not be forgiuen nor forgot :
Your maifter Hues (you flaue) by fuch as we. Call for a reck'ning : let's know what's to pay, By heau'ns, I fcorne a minute more to ftay.
WY</
Brother, I pra'y, is it your Maifters minde,
Your fellow Boy fhould flout guefts when they drinke/
My maifters will is for to vfe you kinde.
T'will fcath him more my friend, then he do think:
What is thy name? (Vint.} Forfooth, an'tpleafeyee,^/'//.
WhatCountreymanf (Vint?) Forfooth,atFifhftreet hill.
Vint. Vfid.
William, we come not heere to be abufed, There are more Tauerns befide your's in towne, Wee can go where we might be courteous vfed, In truth forfooth my fellowes but a Clowne. William, we haue fome credit where we dwell: And William, Boyes fhould vfe their betters well.
For
Gofsips meete.
For William, fay the cafe were but your owne And that you were as we are at this feafon With friends a drinking where you are not knowne Would you be flouted ? (Vint.} By my faith no reafon.
William, thou anfwer'ft like a Youth of fence, Wid.
For furely William, t'is a great offence.
And William, I would haue you vnderftand, We'le pay your Maifter for the wine we haue : O Lord forfooth, . as fure as in my hand. William, wee come not to entreat or craue : Wee met togither 'William, at your doore, And entred for a pynt, which falles out more.
Vin.
Wid.
William, we will not be beholding (fee-yee) Vnto your Maifter more then to another: T'is for good Wine and welcome, we come tee-yee, Or farewell William, and you were my brother. And therefore William, this abufe we fcorne, For we are London Gentle-women borne.
F 2
Good
43
Tis merry when
"Vint.
Good William, know: beer's neither Cifse nor Kate, No, fo God helpe me, I do fee you are not. Thinkes fawce your fellow, we vfe Parrots prate, William, our talke is honeft, and we care not
If all the Parifh were in place to heare it.
No, by this Cup. ( Vint.) Efaith you need not fweare it.
Vint. Forfooth, I truft your wine was very good. Wwf. William, I grant, the wine was not amiffe,
But that bafe Boy, hath vext me to the blood, A man, William, would neere haue ofifer'd this: The Prouerbe fayes t'is manners that doth make : William, Giueguefts good words for manners fake.
William, when cam'ft thou in this houfe to dwell Vint. Forfooth about three yeeres agon, laft May. W&/. William, ferue God, and pleafe thy mafter well,
T'will be thine owne vvilliam, an other day.
Your maifter's marri'd, vvilliam, is he not? Vint. Yes forfooth, yes, a miftreffe I haue got.
will.
44
Gofsips meete.
William, your Maifter hath no children by-her.?
No, forfooth, but I thinke fhe be with childe,
To haue a Boy fhe hath a great defire.
So would not I, William, for Boyes be wilde, Though Girles cry, William, till they be bepift, William, giue me a Girle, take boyes who lift.
^Niddow. Vin.
UVife.
Coufen, you do forget your felfe, me-thinke,
When Befse and I come home, we fhall be chid.
Pray fill the cup to William, let him drinke.
In trueth forfooth t'is the laft thing I did. Vint.
Good William, drinke: I pree-thee William, doo. Wife.
Forfooth I pledge you, and I thanke ye too. Vint.
William, let's know to pay and theres an end, Marry, forfooth three fhillings and a penny. William, lay downe their mony, none fhall fpend Coufen, and Befse, pra'y do not offer any.
Harke, Bow-bell rings, before the Lord tis late, William, good night, pree-thee take vp thy plate.
vvid. Vint, vvid.
FINIS.
S. R.
45
GREENES GHOST
HAVNTING CONIE-
CATCHERS.
Wherein is fet downe,
The Arte of Humouring.
The Arte of carrying Stones.
Will. St. Lift.
la. Foft. Law.
Ned Bro. Catch, and
Blacke Robins Kindneffe.
With the conceits of Doftor Pinch-backe a notable Makefhift.
Ten times more pleafant then any thing yet publifhed of this matter.
Non ad imitandum, fed ad enitandum.
LONDON,
Printed for R. lackfon^ and L North^
and are to be fold in Fleetftreete,
a little aboitc the Conduit. 1602.
TO ALL GENTLEMEN, MER-
chants, Apprentifes, Farmers, and
plaine countrimen, health.
T is moft true, Gentlemen, and wo- full experience dayly teacheth vs, that the more carefull Princes are in creeling & eftablifhing good lawes, for the rooting out of vice in the common wealth, the more repug nant (the diuell altogether predomi nant ouer them) do euil difpofed per- fons, caterpillers, and the off-fcumme of the world (and ther- fore to be reiected and excommunicated from the fellowfhip of all honeft men) oppofe themfelues againfl God and good gouernement, and in fteede of an honeft and ciuill cariage (which the Lawe prefcribes them) betake them to a moft hatefull, vicious, and deteftable life : Who, as they may well be compared to vipers, moft venimous and fpitefull beafts, that for their venime and poifon are hated and fhunned of all men, as moft preiudiciall creatures : fo thefe bafe people, not once thinking of an honeft courfe of life, trufting vpon their owne mother wits, dayly deuife newe fhifts and policies, to fleece the plaine dealing man, and by that meanes growe in to more hate amongft honeft men, then do the hated lewes at this day: and the name of Conicatchers is fo odious, that now a dayes it is had vp, and vfed for an opprobrious name for euerie one that fheweth the leaft occafion of deceit. The bookes that were not long ago fet forth, concerning Conie- catching and croffe-biting, and the difcouerie of each (if anie fparke of grace were) might haue beene fo manie reftraints
A 2 and
The Epiftle
and bridles to call them from that abominable life, but they that are giuen oucr to their owne hearts luft, with all their might inueigh both againft: them and their Author.
I haue therefore, Gentlemen, as one inforced (amorc patriot) taken in hand to publifli this little Pamphlet (which by a very friend came by a chance to my hands, and adding fomewhat of mine owne knowledge, and vpon verie credible informa tion) moft necefTarie in my mind for the good of the com mon wealth, both for all men to fee, what groffe villanies arc now praflifed in the bright Sunne-fhine, that thereby they may be forewarned to take heede how they conuerfe with fuch cofoning companions : as alfo a iuft checke and controll to fuch wicked liuers, that they perceiuing their goodnefle fet abroch, may with remorfe and penitencie forfake their abo minable courfe of life, and betake them to a more honeft and ciuill behauiour. If any with the fpider heere feeke to fucke poifon, let fuch a one take heede, that in practifing his villany he chaunce commence Bachelor" in Whittington Colledge, and fo in good time take his degrees and proceede Doctor, and thence with a folemne proceflion take poffeflion of do- <5lor Stories cappe ; to which fome of the worfhipfull compa- nie of Conicatchers haue worthily heretofore attained.
In this Treatife (louing countrimen) you fhall fee what fhifts this crue of helhounds haue put in pra£life fmce the bookes of Conicatching came forth, vnder thefe names, viz. The Art of Humor ing. The A rt of carryingftones ; W. St L iff. la. lawc. Ned Br. catch, and Blackc Robins kindncffe: Wher- in are manifefted the nature of Humorifts, fuch as can infinu- ate themfelues into euerie mans companie : & as they fee him addicted, fo will they verfe vpon him, what policies they haue to purloine goods out of mops vnder the pretence of plain- neffe, what fhifts they haue to cofen poore Alewiues, by the art of carrying flones, what inconuenience may come by fol lowing flattering ftrumpets, I know not I what fhould be the caufe why fo innumerable harlots and Curtizans abide about London, but becaufe that good lawes are not looked vnto : is there not one appointed for the apprehending of fuch hell- moths,
Dedicatorie.
moths, that eat a man out of bodie & foule ? And yet there be more notorious {trumpets & their mates about the Citte and the fuburbs, then euer were before the Marfhall was appoin ted : idle mates I meane, that vnder the habit of a Gentleman or feruing man, think themfelues free from the whip, although they can giue no honeft account of their life. I could wifh, and fo it is to be wifhed of euery honeft subie£l, that Amafis lawe were receiued, who ordained that euerie man at the yeares end fhould giue an account to the Magiftrate how hee liued, and he that did not fo, or could not make an account of an honeft life to be put to death as a fellon, without fauor or par don : What then fhould become of a number of our vpftart gallants, that Hue only by the fweate of other mens browes, and are the decay of the forwardeft Gentlemen and beft wits ? Then fhould we haue fewer conicatching ftrumpets, who are the verie caufes of all the plagues that happen to this flouri- fhing common wealth. They are the deftruction of fo manie Gentlemen in England. By them many Lordfhips come to ruine. What dangers growe by dallying with fuch vnchaft Li bertines, and what inconuenience followes by their inordinat pleafures, let thofe that haue had wofull experience and mai- iter Surgeon together teftifie : nay, they not onely indanger the bodie by lothfom difeafes, but ingraue a perpetuall fhame in the forehead of the partie, and finally confume his foule and make him fit for the diuell.
To leaue thefe bafe companions (that can be by no wholfom counfell, nor aduifed perfwafions bee diffwaded from their lothfom kind of life, nor called to any honeft courfe of liuing) in the dregges of their difhonefty. Would it pleafe the hono rable and worfhipfull of the land to take order for the cutting off of thefe cofoners, and confuming cankers of this common wealth, they fhould not only caufe a bleffing to be powred on this flourifhing ftate, but haue the prayers of euery good fub- ie£t for their profperous healths and welfare. And thus Gen tlemen, I conclude with this farewell : God either conuert or confound fuch bafe companions.
Yours to vfe, S. R. '
To the Reader.
Sc andperufc not with a curious eye,
For Truth offs blamde, yet neucr tellcth lie. I tell not /, what forr dine men Jiauc done,
But follow that which others hauc begun. No learned Clcarkc in Schooles that ife to write,
But Enuic makes their labours fame to fpitc. What thcnJJialll, that 'write a homely Jlile, Thinkc but to hauc a homely fcoffing f mile. But thcfc and tJiofe that cither mockc or Jkorne,
Would they might ivcarc (fairc fight) A6leons home. But you kind friends, that loue your countries wealth,
Vouch of my labours, good fortune guide your health. To pleafurc moft, and profit alfs my end,
My grcatejl care to plcafe both foe and friend. Reade then kind friends, my traucll It cere you hauc, I look c for nought, nought but your loucs I craue.
GREENES GHOST
haunting Conicatchers.
Here hath beene of late daies pub- lifhed two merrie and pithie Pam phlets of the arte of Conicatching : wherin the Author hath fufficiently expreffed his experiece, as alfo his loue to his Countrie. Neuerthe- leffe with the Authors leaue, I will ouerlooke fome lawe tearmes ex preffed in the firft part of Conicatching: whereunto, as the Author faith, is neceffarilie required three parties : The fet ter, the Verfer, and the Barnacle. Indeed I haue heard fome retainers to this ancient trade difpute of his proceedings in this cafe, and by them in a full Synode of quart pots it was thorowlie examined and concluded, that there were no fuch names as he hath fet downe, nor anie cheating Arte fo chriftened as Conicatching. Marie, in effe<5l there is the like vnderhand traffique daylie vfed and experien ced among fome fewe ftart vp Gallants difperft about the fuburbs of London, who tearmes him that drawes the fifh to the bait, the Beater, and not the Setter: the Tauerne where they go, the Bufh, and the foole fo caught, the Bird. As for Conicatching, they cleape it Batfowling, the wine the Strap, and the cards the Limetwigs. Now for the compaf- fing of a woodcocke to worke on, and the fetching him into the wine bench of his wracke, is right beating the bufh. The good affe is he will be dealt vpon, ftouping to the lure : if he be fo wife as to keep aloofe, a Haggard. And he whom
he
Greenes Ghoft
he makes Verfer the Retriuer, and the Barnacle the Pothunter.
But all this brcakes no fquare, fo long as we concurrc in codcm fubiefto: yet I wifh, that as he hath looked into thefe wicked aflions opened therein, fo he had alfo looked into other groffe fmnes, which arc feeded in the hearts of fundrie perfons. Extortion had b£ene a large theame to haue wrought vpon: and with the Vfurers bagges full of gold he might hauc handled another pretie Treatife: He might haue brought forth lufticc weying bread, and the Baker putting his cares in the ballance to make euen weight. He fhould haue perfonated the Thames moft piti fully complaining, what monftrous hauocke the Brew ers make of her water, without all remorfe or compaffi- on : and how they put in willowe leaues and broome buds into their woort in fteed of hoppes. So likewife a Chriftian exhortation to mother Bunch would not haue done amiffe, that flie fhould not mixe lime with her Ale, to make it mightie, or cozen the Qu^enes liege people of their drink, by fubbing them off with thefe (lender wafted blacke pots and Cannes, that will hold little more then a Sering. A profitable Treatife might haue alfo bdene publifhed for fuch companions to looke into, as for good fellowfhip will not fticke to lend two or three falfe oathes to defeate the widdow and fatherleffe of their right, though in fliort fpace after they lofe their eares for their labour. A perfwafion againft pride had beene verie profitable : and an exhortati on againft fwearing had beene a thing commendable, if he had in a pleafant Treatife fhewed the folly of yong youthes and idle qucanes; which entring into the feruice of fundrie honeft perfons, continue there no longer then they can cleanly conuay fome fufficient cariage for their prefent maintenance. Then had he done well, and perad- uenture giuen fuch light to fundrie honeft houfholders, that they would be carefull what perfons they had receiued into their houfes or put in truft about their bufineffe.
There might haue alfo beene compiled a delectable and
pleafant
haunting Conicatchers.
pleafant Treatife of the abufe committed by fuch as fell bottle ale, who to make it fly vp to the top of the houfe at the firfl opening do put gunpowder into the bottles while the ale is new. Then by flopping it clofe, make the people beleeue it is the flrength of the ale, when being truly fif- ted it is nothing indeed but the ftrength of the gunpowder that worketh the effect, to the great heart-burning of the parties that drinke the fame. I would haue had him touch the contrarietie of apparell, and fet downe reafons to dif- fwade men from wearing French peakes, becaufe they are good for nothing but to flab men, as alfo told the vfe of the terrible cut, and the Swallow taile flash.
To leaue daliance and come to the matter. I will in- forme you what policies haue beene practifed fmce the books of Conicatching were fet forth. Thefe Batfowlers or Conicatchers hauing lofl a collop of their liuing, by communicating their fecrets with babling companions, haue now inuented a newe tricke to fetch in the pence. They difguife themfelues like Apparitors or Sumners, and come to a young Gentleman, Merchant, or old pinch- cruft, as it maie fall out, that hath gotten a maid, a mans daughter, or this widdow or ordinarie woman with child, or at leaft haue beene more neere with them then they fhould: and them they threaten with proceffe, citations, the whip, or the white fheete at leafl, vntill they come to compofiti5. The timorous foules fearing to be made a by word of fhame to the whole Citie, bribe them with all that euer they can rap and rend, to holde their peace, and faue their honeflie. They will vrge the flrictneffe of their oath, and the danger of the law in fuch cafes of concealement, vntill they can fee them come off roundly : then they will hamme and hauke, and faie they are not euery bodie, and fo take their mony, and returne laughing in their sleeues, to thinke how they cofoned them.
Within fhort time after they fend another of their copef- mates after the fame fort, and he giues them the like pluck. And fo two or three one after the other, fhall neuer leaue
B afflicting
Greenes Ghoft
afflicting his ghoft, till they haue made him as bare as a birds taile, fo as he hath not one pennie more to faue him from hanging, if n6ede were. A monftrous abufe of autho- ritic, and hindrance to the courts of luftice, that haue the ouerfight of fuch offences.
Other there be that do nothing but ride vp and downe the countrie, like yong merchants a wooing, and they will marrie euerie moneth a new wife, & then fleece her of all (he hath, that done run away, and learne where another rich widow dwelleth, and ferue her after the fame fort : fo rounding England, til they haue pickt vp their crummes, and got enough to maintaine them all their life after.
But exceeding all thefe are the fine fleights of our Ita lian humourifts, who being men for all companies, will by once conuerfmg with a man fo draw him to them, that he fhall thinke nothing in the world too deare for them, nor once be able to part them, vntill they haue fpent all they haue on them.
If he be lafciuioufly addicted they haue Aretines Tables at his fingers ends, to feede him on with new kinde of fil- thinefle : they will come in with Rowfe the French painter, and fhew what an vnlawfull vaine he had in baudrie : not a whore nor a queane about the towne but they knowe, and can tell her markes, and where, and with whom she"e hofts.
If they fe"e you couetoufly bent, they will difcourfe won ders of the Philofophers (tone, and make you beleeue they can make gold of goofe-greafe, only you muft be at fome two or thr6e hundred pound charge, or fuch a fmall trifle, to helpe to fet vp their (lilies, and then you n£ede not care where you beg your bread : for they will make you do little better, if you follow their prefcriptions.
Difcourfe with them of countries, they will fet you on fire with trauelling: yea what place is it they will not fweare they haue b^ene in, and I warrant you tell fuch a found tale, as if it were all Gofpell they fpake. Not a cor ner in Fraunce but they can defcribe. Venice, why? It is nothing, for they haue intelligence of it euerie houre, and
" at
haunting Conicatchers.
at euerie word will come in with Siado Curtizano, tell you fuch miracles of Madame Padilia and Romana Impia, that you will be mad till you be out of England : & if he fee you are caught with this baite he will make as though he will leaue you, and faine bufmeffe about the Court, or that fuch a Noble man fent for him, when you will rather confent to robbe all your friends then bee feuered from him one houre. If you requeft his companie to traueile, he will fay, In faith I cannot tell, I would fooner fpend my life in your companie, then in anie mans in England. But at this time I am not fo prouided of monie as I would: ther- fore I can make no promife: and if a man fhould aduen- ture vpon fuch a iourney without money, it were mifera- ble and bafe, and no man will care for vs. Tut monie fay you (like a liberall young maifter) take no care for that, for I haue fo much land, and I will fell it, my credite is worth fo much, and I will vfe it. I haue the keeping of a Cofens chamber of mine, which is an old counfellour, and he this vacation time is gone downe into the countrie, we will breake vp his ftudie, rifle his cheftes, diue into the bottome of his bagges, but we will haue to ferue. our turne, rather then faile we will fell his bookes, pawne his bedding & hangings, and make riddance of all his houfe- hold ftuffe to fet vs packing. To this he liftens a little, and faith, Thefe are fome hopes yet, but if he fhould goe with you, and you haue monie, and he none, you will do- mine'ere ouer him at your pleafure, & then he were wel fet vp to leaue fuch poffibilities in Englad, & be made a flaue in another countrie. With that you offer to part halfes with him, or put al into his cuftody, before he fhould think you meant otherwife then wel with him. He takes you at your offer, and promifeth to hufband it fo for you, that you fhall fpend with the beft, and yet not waft halfe fo much as you do. Which makes you (meaning fimplie) to put him in truft, and giue him the purfe. Then all a boone voyage into the lowe Countries you trudge, and fo traueile vp into Italy, but per varies cafus, & tot difcrimina rerum, in a
B 2 towne
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towne of garrifon he leaues you, runnes awaie with your monie, and makes you glad to betake your felfe to pro- uant and become a Gentleman of a companie. If he feare you will make after him he will change his name: and if there be anie Gentleman or other in the countrie, he will borrow his name and creepe into his kinred, or it fhall coft him a fall, and make him paie fwe'etly for it in the end, if he take not the better heed. Thus will he be fure to haue one Affe or other a foote to ke'epe himfelfe in pleafmg.
There is no Arte but he will haue a fuperficiall fight into, and put downe euerie man with talke: and when he hath vttred the moft he can, make men bel^eue he knowes ten times more then he will put into their heads, which are fecrets not to be made common to euerie one.
He will perfwade you he hath twentie receits of loue powders, that he can frame a ring with fuch a deuife, that if a wench put it on her finger fhe fhal not choofe but follow you vp and downe the ftreetes.
If you haue an enemy that you would be faine rid of, he will teach you to poifon him with your verie lookes: to ftand on the top of Poules with a burning glaffe in your hand, and caft the fame with fuch a force on a mans face that walkes vnder, that it (hall ftrike him flark dead, more violently then lightning.
To fill a letter full of needles, which fhall be laid after fuch a mathematical order, that when he opens it, to whom it is fent, they fhall fpring vp and flie into his bodie forci bly, as if they had b^ene blowne vp with gunpowder, or fent from a Caliuers mouth like fmall fhot.
To conclude, he will haue fuch probable reafons to pro cure beteefe to his lies, fuch a fmooth tongue to deliuer them, and fet them forth with fuch a grace, that he fhould be a verie wife man did not fwallow the Gudgin at his hands.
In this fort haue I knowne fundrie young Gentle men of England trained forth to their owne deftru6lion, which makes me the more willing to publifh this dis-
courfe
haunting Conicatchers.
courfe, the better to forewarne other of fuch Batfowling companions; as alfo for the rooting out of thefe infinua- ting moth-wormes that eate men out of their fubftance vnfeene, and are the decaie of the forwardeft Gentlemen and beft wits.
How manie haue we about London, yt to the difgrace of Gentlemen liue gentlemanlike of themfelues hauing neither mony nor land, nor any lawful means to maintain them, fome by play, and then they go a mumming into the countrie all the Chriftmas time with falfe dice, or if there be anie place where Gentlemen or merchants frequent in the Citie, or anie towne corporate, thither will they, either difguifed like to yong merchants, or fubftantiall Citizens, and draw them all drie that euer dealt with them.
There are fome that doe nothing but walke vp and downe Paules, or come to fhops to buy wares, with bud gets of writings vnder their armes: and thefe will vrge talke with anie man about their futes in law, and difcourfe vnto them how thefe and thefe mens bands they haue for money, that are the chiefefl dealers in London, Norwich, Briftow, and fuch like places, and complaine that they can not get one pennie. Why, if fuch a one doth owe it you (faith fome man that knowes him) I durft buy the debt of you, let me get it of him as I can. O faith my budget- man, I haue his hand and feale to fhewe, looke heere els: and with that pluckes out a counterfeit band (as all other his writings are) and reades it to him. Whereupon for halfe in halfe they prefently compound, and after that hee hath that ten pounds paid him for his band of twentie be- fides the forfeiture, or fo forth, he fayes, Faith thefe Law yers drinke me as drie as a fieue, and I haue mony to pay at fuch a daie, and I doubt I mail not be able to compaffe it: here are all the leafes and euidences of my land lying in fuch a Ihire, I would you would lend me fortie pounds on them till the next tearme, or for fome fixe moneths, and then either it mail be repayd with interefb, or I will forfeit my whole inheritace, which is better worth then a hundred
B 3 marks
Greenes Ghoft
marks a yeare.
The wealthie retailer, citizen, merchant, Gentleman or young nouice that hath (lore of crownes lying by him, grdedy of fuch a bargaine, thinking perhaps by one claufe or other to defeat him of all he hath, lends him the mony and takes a faire flatute merchant of his lands before a ludge, but when all comes to all, he hath no more land in England then feuen foote in the Church yard, neither is his inheritance either in Pojfe or EJfe, then a paire of gallowes in a gr£ene field, nor do anie fuch occupiers knowe him, much leffe owe him anie money, whereby the couetous perfon is cheated fortie or fiftie pounds thick at one clap.
Not vnlike to thefe are they, that comming to Ordina ries about the Exchange where Merchants do table for the moft part, will faie they haue two or thr£e fhips of coales late come from Newcaftle, and wifh they could light on a good chapman that would deale for them altogether. What is your price, faith one? What's your price, faith another? He holds them at the firft at a very high rate, and fets a good face on it, as though he had fuch traffique indeed, but afterward comes downe fo low, y* euerie man ftriues who fhall giue him earneft firft: and ere he be aware, he hath fortie (hillings clapt into his hand, to affure the bargaine to fome one of them. He puts it vp quietly, and bids them inquire for him at fuch a figne and place, where he neuer came, fignifying alfo his name, when in troth he is but a co- foning companion, and no fuch man to be found. Thus goes he cleare awaie with fortie millings in his purfe for nothing, and they vnlike euer to tee him againe.
There is a certain kind of cofonage called horfecourfing, which is when a man goes to the Cariers of Cambridge, Oxford, Burie or Norwich, or anie great towne of trade, and hires a horfe to ride downe with them, as thefe odde companions will doe : and what doth me he, but as foone as he hath him, fteps afide into fome blind towne or other, and there lies till he haue eaten him out lim by lim in wine and capons, and then when he can get no more on him, he
fends
haunting Conicatchers.
fends the Carier word where he is ; who in the end is faine to pay fome fiftie fhillings or three pounds for his victuals that hired him ere he can haue him. Rochefter hackney- men do knowe what belongs to this trade, for they haue b6ene often times fle'eced by thefe ranke riders, who com- ming to a towne with a cloke-bag of ftones caried after them, as if they were men of fome worth, hire a horfe to Canterburie, and ride quite away with him.
There be certaine mates called Faunguefls, who if they can find a fit Anuill to ftrike on, will learne what acquain tance he hath in the countrie, and then they will come to him, and fay, I am to doe commendations to you from a friend of yours, and he gaue me this bowed fixe pence to drinke a quart of wine with you for his fake : and if he goe to the tauerne, they will not onely make him paie for the wine, but for all he drinks in befides.
So was one in Aldergate-ftre'ete lately ferued, who drawne to the tauerne after fuch a like order called for a pinte of wine, the drawer brought it him, and a goblet with it, and fet them both on the table, and went his way: Whie, quoth this Fawnegueft, what a goblet hath the fel low brought vs here, it wil not hold halfe a draught ? So ho (quoth he) no attendance giuen here? He carie it to him my felfe, fince no body will come: for of all things I loue not to drinke in thefe squirting cups, fo downe the flaires, forth of the doores he goes with the goblet vnder his cloake, and left his newe acquaintance and fmall remembrance to paie three pound for a threVpenie fhot.
Such Fawneguefts were they, that meeting a prentife, who had be"ene to receiue a hundred pound for his matter, fodainly in the middeft of Cheapfide in the dale time, and open market ftept to him, as if they had bin familiarly ac quainted with him, and fodainly caft the hinder fkirt of his cloake ouer his face, making as though they had iested with him, and feeming to thrufb their cold hands in his necke, one of them thratled him fo fore by the wind-pipe, that he could make no noife, but fodainly funke to the
ground
Greenes Ghoft
ground muffled in his cloke, while the other took from him the bagge with the money which he had vnder his arme, which done, they ranne away laughing, as if that the de*ede were done in ieft.
Soone after the market folks and people parting by to & fro perceiuing the youth lie flill on the ground & not ftir vp, flepped to him, and feeing in what ftate he was, rubbed and chafed him, and gaue him Aqua vitae, fo that foone after he came againe to himfelf : then looking about him, & fe'eing the people fo gathered together, he cried vnto them, O, where's my money! They wondring to heare him talke of mony, told him both how his companions left him, and they found him, whereby the people knowing how he was. deceiued, made after them, but they were neuer heard of till this day.
But thefe are Gentlemen Batfowlers in comparifon of the common rablement of Cutpurfes and pickpockets, and no man that fe*es them but would imagine them to be Caualiers of verie good fort. Marie there be a band of more ne'edy mates, called Termers, who trauell all the yeere from faire to faire, and haue great doing in Weftminfter hall. Thefe are the Nips and Foifts; whereof the firft part of Conicatching entreateth, and thefe haue their cloyers and followers, which are verie troublefome to them, for they can no fooner draw a bung but thefe come in for their tenths, which they generally tearm fnapping, or fnappage.
Now if the Cutpurfe denie fnappage, his cloyer or follower forthwith boyles him, that is, bewrayes him, or feazeth on his cloake, which the Nip dares not withftand, fo Richard Farrie a notable Lift of fixtie yeares of age was ferued, who beeing dogged or followed by a Cloyer called lohn Gibfon, who hauing feene him pierce a hogfhed in the beginning of a faire challenged him for fnappage: which old Farrie denied, becaufe Gibfons wife (as hee then faid) was a pickpocket, and yet would part with nothing. Then did Gibfon fweare that he (huld not buy one peniworth of ware that day (which is the right cutpurfc phrafe of get ting
16
haunting Conicatchers.
ting a purchafe) and thereupon he fhadowed him vp and downe, and mard his market quite, as hee had before promifed.
In reuenge whereof the faid Richard Farrie at Way- hill faire laft, hearing where Gibfon had purloined a purfe with thirte'ene nobles in it, fent a luftie fellow of his profeffion, a yoong dealer in the arte of cloying or follow ing named lames Roades, that was fmce hanged at Dor- chefter, who being apparelled like a feruingman, came to demaund his miflreffe purfe of Gibfon, which he faid he faw him vnlawfully take awaie, as if indeed he had beene the Gentlewomans man that had the gleeke. Which Gib fon at the firft vtterly denied, but afterward being further threatned with danger of his life, yeelded the purchafe vn- to Roades, which was immediatelie fliared betweene him and old Farrie.
This thing foone after came to Gibfons eare, who was throughly laughed to fcorne for his labour.
Manie there be of thefe wicked perfons, and alfo lewd Officers, who like fhadowes or cloyers, do nothing all day long but follow the Lifts vp and downe, pinching them for fnappage : and not one of them that hath the right dex- teritie in his fingers, but they know, & will conceale and patronize if neede require. Marie, if there be a nouice, that hath not made himfelfe knowne to their congregation, ne'e fhall foone be fmelt out, and haue no remifTion, vnleffe hee purchafe it by priuy pilferie.
Thefe Cutpurfes of Sturbridge fell their luggage commonly at a towne called Botmam, where they ke"epe their hall at an odde houfe, bowzing and quaffing, and haue their trulles attendant vpon them fo brifke as may be.
A
How a Cheefemonger had his bag cut out of his Aprone hanging before him.
T this faire it was, though long fmce, that the cheefe- monger had his pocket cut out of his aprone, which C all
all the whole Colledge of Cutpurfes had afiayed, which none but one could bring to paffe, and he indeed was a doflor in his artc : for going to the Che'efemongers boothe to buy a chdefe, he gaue him monie for one of the greateft, and defired him to cut it in pdeces, and put it behind him in the cape of his cloakc. He did fo, and the whilcft he was thrufting it in, hce cut his pocket with twcluc pounds out of his apron before him : for which deedc he liueth re- nowmcd in the Cutpurfe chronicles, and for his fake they yearely make a feaft, and drinke to the foulc of his decea- fed carkaffc.
There be diuers forts of Nips and Foyfts both of the citie and countrie : thefe cannot one abide the other, but arc at deadly hatred, and will boyle and difcouer one another, by reafon one is hindrance to the other. And thefe the for mer bookes haue omitted. There are alfo fundrie other Lawes, not heretofore fpoken of, namely lames Fofters Law, or lames Fofters Lift : which grcwe thus.
How a cofoning Lift Hole a cloake out of a Scriueners fhop.
THis fellow came into a Scriueners fhop to haue a letter written to his wiues mother, fignifying that his wife was run awaie with another knauc, and had ca- ried awaie all that he had, and that he had rather be han ged then be troubled anic longer with fuch a whore. But it mud n£eds be written in hafte, for his owne father doth caric it, and he goes awaie ftraight. All the while he is tel ling his tale, he caft a leering eye about the fhop, to fee if there were euer a cloake vpon a by-fettle, or anic other boo- tie that he might tranfport vnf£ene vnder his owne cloak. By chance he efpied one, fo he leaned againft the wall where it lay, and with his hands behind him, he gathered it vp cleanly by little and little: then fodainly ftarting vp, faid, Yonder is my father that would carie it, and I will run after him to call him againe. So out of the doorcs ran
he
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haunting Conicatchers.
he with all fpeed, hailing the cloake vnder his arme, cry ing, Ho father, father, leaning the Scriuener yet writing his letter, who mift not his cloake till a great while after, that he faw him not returne againe.
There is a cunninger kind of Lift, when a Batfowler walking in an euening in the ftreetes, will fame he hath let fall a ring or a lewell, and come to a fliop well furm- fhed with wares, and defire the prentife of the houfe to lend his candle to looke it : he fufpecteth no guile, lends it him: and the Batfowler goes poaring vp and downe by the doores, as if he had loft fomething in deed, by and by he lets the candle fal to and it goes out. Now I pray you good yong man, faith he, do fo much as light me this candle a- gaine : fo goes the fellow in to light the candle, while hee fteales what he will out of the fhop, and gets him going while the light commeth.
There is a Lift called Will. St. Lift, whofe maner is to go vp and downe to Faires in a blew coate, fometimes in his doublet and hofe, and fometimes in a cloake, which commonly he puts off when he comes thither: this fellow waiteth diligently when any rich yeoman, Gentleman, or gentlewoman goes into an Inne to laie vp his cloak, capcafe, fauegard, Portmantua or any other luggage, fo following them, marks to whom they are deliuered: then comes he within halfe an houre after puffing and blow ing for the cloake, capcafe, portmantua, fword, or fuch like, and in his maifters name demandeth it, giuing the wife, maid, tapfter, hoftler, or fome of the houfe two pence or a groate for laying it vp. Which hauing receiued, he is foone gone, and neuer returneth. This fellow will fometime fband bareheaded, and offer to hold a Gentlemans ftirop, and verie diligently attend vpon him when he alighteth at anie great Inne, and feemeth fo feruiceable, as if he were an hoftler or chamberlaine belonging to the houfe: yea and fometimes follow him out of doores as his man, and attend vpon him to the Faire very orderly: within halfe an houre after, when he fees his new maifter is fo
C 2 bu-
Greenes Ghoft
bufic in the Faire, that he cannot haftily rcturne to his lodging before him, he will come backe to the Inne run ning, and tell them his Maifler hath fent him to them for his clokebag or Portmantua in all haftc: for he is vpon paiment of money, and muft needs haue it. They thinking him verilie to be the Gentlemans man, becaufe at his comming he was fo neceflarie about him, they deliuer vnto him whatfoeuer the Gentleman left with them, who notwithftanding when the true owner commeth, they are faine to anfwer it out of their owne purfes.
A flie tricke of Cofonage lately done in Cheapefide.
BEfides this, there is a kind of Lift called Chopchain, as when a Gentleman like a batfowler hath hired a chain for a day or two vpon his credit, or hath fome of his friends bound for the reftoring of it againe, goes to S. Martines, and buyes for a little money another copper chaine, as like it as maie be: then comes he to the Goldfmith, and vpon the right chaine offers to borrow twentie pounds: the Goldfmith toucheth it to fee if it be counterfeit or no: then finding it good, he tendereth him his money : which the whilefl he is doing, and that both money and chaine lies yet vpon the flail, what doth me he, but fumbles and plaies with the linkes carelefly, as if he minded another matter, fo by a fine tricke of Legerdemaine gathers it vp into his hand & chops the copper chaine in place, leauing him that pawne for his twentie pounds.
How a man was cofoned in the euening by buying a guilt fpoone.
WHilefl I was writing this, I was giuen to vn- derftand of another like exploit nothing inferi- our to any of the former. A fellowe like a clowne that knew all points in his tables, and had b^ene maifler of
his
20
haunting Conicatchers.
his trade manic yeares together, walking through Sil- uer ftreete in London fuddenly in the dark fpurned a faire gilt fpoone (as it feemed) being wrapt vp in a paper, which before he purpofely let fall : the people thinking fome other had loft it, and that it had beene his good luck aboue the reft to find it, gan to flocke about him for to looke on it, and ad mired his fortune in meeting with it. He counterfeiting the fimple foole as well as he could: Now a Gods will what fhall I do with fuch a Gugaw? would fome other bo- die had found it for me, for I know not what it is good for. Why, faid one of the ftanders by, Avilt thou take money for it? I, quoth he, I would I had a crowne for it. And I will come fomwhat ne"ere you, faith the other, for thou {halt haue all the money in my purfe, which is foure (hillings, fo forth he drewe his purfe, and gaue him the money. And verie well content with the bargain, he put it vp, and faid, I marie, this money will doe me more good then twentie fpoones, and let them kdepe fuch toies that lift, for I had rather haue one groat in my purfe then a cart loade of fuch trumperie. So away he went laughing in his fldeue, to thinke how he had cofoned him that thought to ouer- reach him : & he that was fo cofoned, as it were triumphing at his bargaine, could neuer looke enough on the fpoone, but went prefently and caried it to the Goldfmith, to know what it was worth. Birlady fir when he came thither, the fpoone was found to be but braffe faire gilded ouer, and worth but feuen pence at the moft, if he fhould fell it, which was a heauie cooling card to his heart, and made him fweare, that for that fpoones fake he would neuer be in his plate againe while he liued.
Thus euerie daie they haue new inuentions for their villanies, and as often as fafhions alter, fo often do they alter their ftratagems, ftudying as much how to compaffe a poore mans purfe, as the Prince of Parma did to win a towne. Neither is this fpoonefelling the gainfulleft of their artes, although in one day they made away a dozen fo. I but it is a tricke by the waie for a fupper or a breake-
C 3 faft
21
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faflr, which no man at the firft can defcrie. Ouerpafilng this catalogue of Lifts and Cutpurfes, Gentlemen, I will acquaint you with a ftrange ncwe dcuifed arte of ftonc-carying, wherein is contained the right vfe of the chalke and the poaft, as alfo a neccflarie caueate for vi ctuallers and nickpots, how to beware of fuch infinua- ting companions.
The Arte of carying flones.
Flrft and foremoft you muft note, that leaning an Ale- wife in the lurch, is termed making her carie ftoncs, which ftones be thofe great Oes in chalke that ftand be hind the doore: the weight of euerie one of which is fo great that as manic (hillings as there be, fo many times (ne'e cries O, as groning vndcr the waight thereof. Now fir, of thefe Oes twcntie (hillings make a iuft loade, and tenne pound a bargcful. But here lies the cunning, how to com- paffe an honeft Afle that will vndcrtakc fuch a burthen: firft this is a generall precept amongft them, that he muft be fome odde drunken companion that they deale vpon, and his wife a good wench, that fo (lie may bee fallen in with, and wipe off her guefts fcores, if fo he haue no monic to difcharge it: a thing that manic women of that kind will willingly do to hauc fport and faue their honeftie. Yet if this cannot conueniently be brought to paffe, or that in refpecl: of her age me is not worth the taking vp, then will they be fure their goodman hoaft muft be a certaine kind of bawd, or a receiuer of cutpurfes, pickpockets, or fuch like, whereby it fo fals out, that if he and they fquare about crownes, they may ftop his mouth with threatning to be- traic him to the Beadle of Bridewell, or telling Hind of Newgate what hofpitalitie he keepes. Nay further, they will obferue if he at anie time raile againft anie feuere luftice that hath the punifhment of fuch notorious per- fons, and if he do (as in fome drunken humour or other he will ouerfhootc himfelfe in that kind) then will they con-
ceale
22
haunting Conicatchers.
ceale it, neuer difccoer it, but domineere ouer them, thrcnve the pots againfl the wall, for he and his houfe is forfeit vn- to them. Againe, it maie fo happen that liofpes metis maie be an old feruingman, who hath belonged in his daies to fome famous recufant that hath long fmce broke vp houfe, and now being turned out of feruice, he hath no trade to Hue on, but muft marie a whore, and keepe victualling ei ther in Weftminfter, or in the fuburbs of London. Then cocke a hoope, they are better then euer they were. For if he be of the right ftampe he will be exclaiming againft the ftate, or thofe that ke"epe his maifter, or he will enter into commendations of the old Religion: and this is the onely thing they defire, they neuer wifh a finer fellow to feed on. A Gods name let him fet forth his beefe and brewes, and trudge euerie day to the market to buy Capons & rabbets : for if they run neuer fo much in his debt, if they tell him of a purfeuant, he will neuer threaten the with a fergeant. A number more of thefe obferuations do appertaine to iione carying, as namely at their firft comming to their lodg ing they bee as free as an Emperour, and draw all the ac quaintance that they can procure to fpend their money there before another place, fo that the hoft and hoftefle may conceiue great matter of hope of hauing their houfe cu- ftomed by their lying in it, and eate no meat but haue ei ther the good man or the goodwifc ftill with him at dinner or fupper, which will plucke the ftones on his fhoulders the fafter, if fo he fuffer his guefts to run on the fcore. And this in anie cafe they fet down for a generall rule, that they lie not aboue two moneths in one place, for longer the ale- fcore is not able to hold out, and the poore man ouerpreffed fo exceffiuely, in a malecontent humour will rather grow defperate, and not care for anie danger they can bring him to, then fuffer more then flefh and bloud can endure, or not rather haue his will on them for vfmg him fo badly.
How fay you my maifters, you thinke there is no de ceit in a pot of ale, and that there are no cofoners but Co nicatchers, but that's not fo, for London is a lickpenie, and
euerie
Greenes Ghoft
cueric man hath not a mint in his pocket that Hues in it, fome muft practife witcraft, that hauc not the gift in ke"e- ping a lanes end with a fword and a buckler, or at the lead are fo crazed with the Italian bone-ache, that they are a- fraid to bee crufht in pieces, if they fhould earne their li ning in a crowde. But to be briefe, I will tell you a merie ftorie how this name of Stonc-carying firft came vp, and thus it followeth.
How a Carier of Norwich was made to carle flones.
A Gentlewoman that made a fhew as if (he had beene ./"TL of good credit, came to the carier of Norwich, and told him Ihee was to remoue houfhold, and went to dwell in the countrie, wherfore fhe craued his friendfliip in fafe tranf- porting of her things to Norwich : & fo it is (quoth fhe) that moft of my fubftance confifts in linnen, money, Jewels, and plate, which I put altogether in a great cheft, which fhe brought thither: As for other trafh He neuer trouble my felfe with remouing. I pray you haue a great care to it that it bee fafely laid in the middefl of your cart, where the"eues maie not eafily come at it, and that it be kept from raine or wet in anie cafe, promifmg to content him for the cariage with more then ordinarie due. After it was fe*ene to come to thre"e hundred weight, he laid it vp imme diately in his carte, nor would fhe depart till fhe faw it fafe packed. About an houre after fhe came to the carier again, telling him that fhe was afraid fhe fhould be conftrained to haue recourfe to her cheft, by reafon fhe had a few tri fles to buy ere Ihe departed, and that fhe wanted fome fiue or fixe pound. The Carier loath to vnload for fo fmall a matter, bid her take no care for money, for what fhe n6e- ded flic fhould haue of him, till flic came downe into the countrey. So fixe pounds he lent her: and downe with him flie goes with her man as braue as might be. But com- ming to Windham, fhee gaue him the flip, and he fawe
her
haunting Conicatchers.
her no more : Home went the Carier, and laid vp the cheft verie fafe in his ftorehoufe, daily looking when the Gentle woman would come for it. After a moneth was paft, and hearing no words of her, fearing he was cofoned, he fent for the Conftable and fundrie other of his neighbours, and before them brake vp the cheft, finding nothing in it but fmall foft freeftone lapped in ftraw, mixt with Flints and fuch like ftuffe, beeing very fpeciall things to giue the Ca rier his loading. Alas, kind man, this was but heauie ti dings for him : for befides the money that he had laid out of his purfe, he loft the cariage of other luggage, which would haue returned him greater profit. Yet could not this nor ten times as much vndoe him, but fetting light of it, in a merie humour he reported to fome of his friends the circumftance of all his cariage of ftones. And euer fince the ieft hath beene taken vp by odde companions and Ale-knights.
I would bee loth by this my publifht Difcouerie to corrupt the fimple, or teach them knauerie by my book, that els would haue be"ene honeft, if they had neuer f<6ene them : for that were all one as if a Chirurgion that teacheth men what the plague is, that they might efchew it, fhould bring his patient that hath a plague fore, into the market place, and there lance it, whereby all men that looke on, in fteed of learning to auoid it, mould be moft dangeroufly infefled with it. But my meaning in this is, but to chafe the game which others haue rowfed; and execute them outright which Conicatching only hath branded : and although I do not fpend manie leaues in inuelghing againft the vices which I reckon vp, or time and paper in vrging their odi- oufneffe fo far as I might: yet you muft not thinke, but I hate them as deadly as any, and to make manifeft my ha tred to them, haue vndertooke this Treatife. But imagine the Reader to be of this wifdome and difcretion, that hea ring fome laid open, he can difcerne it to be finne, and can fo deteft it, though he be not cloid with a common place of exhortation. And footh to fay, I thinke euery man to bee of
D my
Greenes Ghoft
my mind, that when they fee a fellow leapc from the fubiecl he is handling, to diflfwade them by ftale arguments from the thing they alreadie deteft, they fhould fkip it ouer, and neuer readc it, gainecopc him at the next turning point to his text.
To difmiffc this parenthefis and rcturnc to circa quod. I care not fince this occafion of Stone-carying hath brought me from talking of the cofonage of men to the treacherous fubtiltic of women, if I rehearfe you a talc or two more of Crofbitings lately done by fuch detcfta- ble ftrumpets.
A Tale of a whore that crosbit a Gentleman of the Innes of Court.
ACertaine queane belonging to a clofe Nunnerie a- bout Clarkenwell, lighting in the company of a yong Punie of the Innes of Court, trained him home with her to her hofpitall : and there couenanting for fo much to giuc him his houferoome all night. To bed they went together like man and wife. At midnight a crue of her copef- mates kept a knocking and bufling at the doorc. She ftar- ting fodainly out of her fle^epe, arofe and went to the win dow to looke out: wherewith flic crying out to him, faid, that a luftice was at the doore with a companie of billes, and came to fearch for a feminaric Prieft, and that there was no remedie but fhc muft open vnto them : wherefore either he muft rife and locke himfelfe in a ftudie that was hard by, or they fhould be both caried to Bridewell. The poore filly youth in a trance, as one new ftart out of fle'ep, and that knew not where he was, fufiered her to leadc him whither fhe would, who haftily thruft him into the ftudie, and there locked him, and went to let them in. Then entred Sim Swafhbuckler, Captaine Gogfwounds, and Lawrence Longfword-man, with their appurtenances, made inquirie as if they had be"ene Officers indeed, for a young Seminarie Prieft that fhould be lodged there that
night.
26
haunting Conicatchers.
She fimpered it, and made curtefie, & fpake reuerently vn- to them, as if ihe had neuer feene them before, and that they had beene fuch as they feemed, and told them fhe knew of none fuch, and that none lay there but her felfe. With that through fignes that fhee made, they fpied where his clothes were fallen downe betwe*ene the cheft and the wall : Then they began to raile vpon her, and call her a thoufande whoores, faying they would make her an example, I mary would they, and vfe her like an Infidell for her lying, nor would they ftand fearching any longer, but fhee fhould be conftrained to bring him forth: And that they might bee fure he fhould not ftart, they would carie away his clothes with them. As for the clofet, becaufe it was a Gentlemans out of the towne, they would not rafhly breake it open, but they would fet watch and ward about the houfe till the morning, by which time they would refolue further what to do. So out of doores go they with his clothes, doublet, hofe, hat, rapier, dagger, mooes, (lockings, and twentie marks that he had in his' fleeue, which he was to pay vpon a band the next day for his father, to a merchant in Can ning ftreete, and left Nicholas Nouice flaruing and qua king in that dogholc. The morning grew on, and yet the yong Ninihammer, though he was almoft frozen to death, ftood ftill and durft not ftirre, till at length the good wife of the houfe came and let him out, and bad him fhift for him- felfe, for the houfe was fo belaid, that it was not poffible for him to efcape, & that fhe was vtterly vndone through his comming thither. After manie words it grew to this vp- fhot; that he muft giue her a ring worth thirtie millings, which he then had on his finger, onely to helpe him out at a backe doore, and in fo doing fhe would lend him a blan* ket to caft about him. Which beeing perfourmed, like an Irish begger he departed on the backefide of the fieldes to his chamber, vowing neuer to pay fo deere for one nights lodging during his life.
D z How
27
Greenes Ghoft
How a Curbar was drefl with an vnfauourie perfume,
and how a notable whore was crosbit-
ten in her owne pra<5Hfe.
A Notable whoore of late dales compact with a hooker, whom conicatching Englifli cals Curbar, bargained with a countrie Gentleman or Tearmer aforefaid, to tell her tales in her eare all night : & according to appointment he did fo. The Gentleman hauing fupt, and rcadie to go to bed, fhe willed him to lay his clothes in the windowe, for (quoth fhe) we are fo troubled with rats in this place (which was in Peticote lane) that wee cannot lay any thing out of our hands, but they will in one night be gnawne to pie ces, and made worth nothing: but her intent was this, that the Curbar with his crome might the more conueni- ently reach them ; not that fhe cared fo much for his appa- rell, as for his purfe, which fhe knew was well flored with crownes, and lay in the fleeue of his doublet: whereupon he was ruled by her, and fo entred the lifts. Within two houres after, he beeing fore troubled with a lafke, rofe vp and made a double vfe of his chamberpot, which going to throw it out at the window, he remoued the clothes from before it, and fet it in the place till he had opened the cafe- ment. At that inftant the fpring of the window leapt open of the one accord. Whereat being amazed, he ftept backe with a trice, leauing the chamberpot flanding ftill: then fearing the diuell had be*ene at hand, by and by he fpied a faire iron inftrument like a nut came marching in at the window verie folemnly, which in ft^ede of the doublet and the hofe that he ferretted for, arrefled that homely feruice in the member veffell, and pluckt goodman Jordan with all his contents down pat vpon the Curbars head and fhoul- ders. Neuer was gentle Angler fo drefh for his face, his necke and apparell were all befmeared with the foft Sir- reuerence, fo that I warrant you hee flunke worfe then a lakes-farmer. The Gentleman hearing one crie out,
and
haunting Conicatchers.
and teeing his meffe altogether thus ftrongly taken awayr began to gather courage to him, and looked out to fee what it was : where, to his no fmall contentment hee might be hold the Curbar lying along almofl brained, almoft drow ned, and well neere poifoned with the tragicall euent of the pifpot : whereat he laughed merily, and fufpe6ling his Leman to haue a fhare in that confpiracy, and that for ten pounds it was her motion to haue him laie his clothes in the windowe, to the end he might haue loft them and his money, fhe being a fleepe in the bed all this while, he qui etly remoued his owne apparell, took her gowne and peti- coat and laid them in the fteed. Forthwith the Curbar reui- ued, in came the hooke againe verie manerlie, and clapt hold on thofe parcels, which together went downe with a witneffe. All which conforting to his wifh, he went round to bed, and in the morning ftole awaie early, neither pay ing dame Lecherie for her hire, nor leauing her one ra'gge to put on.
Here was wilie beguily rightly acted, & an aged Ram- palion put befides her fchoole-trickes. But fimply, thefe Crofbiters are neceffarie inftruments now and then to tame fuch wanton youths, as will not let a maid or a wife paffe a long the ftreetesbut they will be medling with her: what they do they learne of the tumbler, who lies fquat in the brakes till the Conie be come forth out of her burrow, and gone a goffiping ouer the way to her next neighbors, & then he goes between her and home, and as fhe returneth with two or three flefhly minded Rabbets or Simplers with them, with whom it maie be fhe hath made a bargain to go a bucking, then out flies the tumbler like yc crofbiter & feazeth on them all for his praie. I maruell that the book of Conicatching had not him vp in his table, fmce by his firft example he corrupted the Chriftian people. But you will fay, he is animal irrationale, and therefore to be borne withall, becaufe he doth but his kind. Kind me no kind, there is more knauerie in Cauilier Canis then you are a- ware of, as you fhall perceiue by his difcourfe following.
D3 A
29
Greenes Ghoft
A notable Scholerlike difcourfe vpon the nature of Dogges.
NOvv Gentlemen, will you giue me leaue to dallie a little for your further recreation, & I will proue vnto you that a dogge is a dangerous man, and not to be dealt withall : yea he is fuch a kind of creature that he may well be mafter and gouernour ouer all ordinary beads : for firft and formoft, there is no man of experience that will denie but dogs do excell in outward fence, for they will fmell bet ter then we, and therby hunt the game when they fie it not. Bcfides, they get the fight of it better then we, and are wonderfull quicke of hearing. But let vs come to fpeech, which is either inward or outward. Now that they hauc outward fpe"ech I make no queftion, although we cannot vnderftand them, for they bark as good old Saxon as may be; yea they haue it in more daintie maner tha we, for they haue one kind of voice in the chafe, and another when they are beaten, and another when they fight. That they hauc the inward fpdech of mind, which is chiefly conuerfant in thofe things which agr6e with our nature, or are moft a- gainft it, in knowing thofe things which ftand vs moft in fteed, & attaining thofe vertues which belong to our pro per life, and are moft conuerfant in our affections, thus I proue: firft and formoft he choofeth thofe things that are c5modious vnto him, and fhunneth the contrarie: He kno- weth what is good for his diet, and feeketh about for it. At the fight of a whip he runneth away like a theef from a hue and eric. Neither is he an idle fellow that Hues like a tren cher Flie vpon the fweat of other mens browes, but hath naturallie a trade to get his liuing by, as namely the arte of hunting and Conicatching, which thefe late books go a- bout to difcrcdit. Yea, there be of them as of men of all oc cupations, fome Cariers, and they will fetch ; fome water men, and they will diue and fwim when you bid them ; fome butchers, and they will kill fhe'epe; fome cookes, and they turne the fpit. Neither are they void of vertue ; for if that be
luftice
haunting Conicatchers.
luftice that giues euery one his deferts, out of doubt dogs- are not deftitute of it: for they fawne vpon their familiar friends and acquaintance; they defend thofe from danger that haue deferued well of them, and reuenge them of ftrangers, and fuch as either haue, or go about to do them iniurie. Then if they haue luftice, they haue all the ver- tues, fmce this is an Axioma in Philofophy, that one ver- tue cannot be feparated from another.
Further, we fee they are full of magnanimitie, in in- countring their enemies. They are wife, as Homer wit- neffeth, who entreating of the returne of Vlyffes to his owne houfe, affirmeth that all his houfhold had forgotten him but his dogge Argus, and him neither could Pallas by her fubtill arte deceiue in the alteration of his body, nor his twentie yeares abfence in his beggers weeds delude a- nie whit, but he ftil retained his forme in his fantafie, which as it appeared was better then any mans of that time.
According to Chryfippus, they are not ignorant of that excellent facultie of Logicke, for he faith that a dogge by canuafmg and fhudy doth obtaine the knowledge to diftin- guifh betweene three feuerall things, as for example, where three waies me'ete, and of thefe thre"e hath ftaid at two of them, by which he perceiueth the game hath not gone, pre- fently without more adoe hee runneth violently on the third waie: which doth argue (faith Chryfippus) as if hee mould reafon thus. Either hee went this way, or that way, or yonder waie: but neither that waie, nor yonder waie, therefore this way. Againe, when they are ficke, they knowe what difeafe they haue, and deuife howe they may eafe themfelues of their griefe; if one ftrike them in to the flefli with a flake, this policy they vfe to get it out. They traile one of their feet vpo the ground, and gnaweth the flefh where the wound is round about with their teeth, vntill they haue drawne it cleane out. If they chaunce to- haue anie vlcer, becaufe vlcers kept foule are hardlie cu red, they licke the fore with their tongues, and keepe it cleane. And wonderfull well doe they obferue the pre cept
Greenes Ghoft
cept of Hippocrates that the onelie medicine for the foote is to reft, for if they haue anie hurt in their feete, they beare them vp, and as much as lies in them, take care they be not ftirred: when vnprofitable humours trouble them, they eate an hearbe, whereby they vomite vp all that is offen- fiue vnto them, and fo recouers their health againe. How thinke you my mafters, are thefe vnreafonable creatures, that haue all this naturall reafon in them? No, though they are beafts, yet are they not as other are, inhumane : for they haue more humanitie then any other beafts what- foeuer. But of them I have faid enough, & therfore I will proceede to my former argument: wherein for your better delight, I will acquaint you with a true ftorie latelie per formed in Poules Church by a couple of Cutpurfes. The matter was of fuch truth, as I could for neede fet downe the Gentlemans name, and alfo the names of all the a- <5lors therein, but I craue pardon, becaufe the Gentleman was of good place and credit, and for more aflurance my felfe was prefent : the whole matter fell out as followeth.
How a Countrie Gentleman walking in Poules had
his purfe cut by a new kind of conueyance,
and in the end by the like wilie
beguily got it againe.
A Countrie Gentleman of fome credite walking in Powles, as tearmers are wont that wait on their law yers, was feene by a couple of light fingred companions, that had got fome gentlemanfhip vpon them by priuie bi ting in y* dark, to have fome ftore of crownes in his purfe coacht in a faire trunke flop, like a boulting hutch. Alas, they were mortall, and could not choofe but bee tempted with fo glorious an obie6l. For what maie not gold doe with him that hath neither money nor credit ? Wherefore in verie zealc of a bad fpirit, they confpired how to make a breach in his pocket, and poffefle themfelues of their pray. In the end it was concluded (as neceflitie is neuer with out
haunting Conicatchers.
out ftratagems) that the one fhould go behind him, while the other gaue the ftroke that fhould deuide life and foule. As they determined, fo they brought it to paffe, for the good old fellow walking verie foberly in one of the fide lies, deui- fing where to dine to faue the odde three pence, fodain- ly one of them fbept behind him and clapt his hands be fore his eyes, faying : Who am I ? Who am I ? while the other gaue the purfe the gentle ierke, and beguiled his purfe of the gilt : which done, hee went fneaking awaie like a dog that had wearied a sheep. The good minded Gen- tlema that was thus muffled, thinking that it had bin one of his acquaintance, that plaid bo pe"epe with him after that fort, cried to him, Now for the paffion of God, who are you? who are you? Tell me I praie you who are you? For I fhall neuer reckon while I liue. O, quoth the Cauallero Cutpurfe, you fhall know by and by, and therewith pluc king awaie his hands, looked him full in the face & laugh ed, but by and by ftarting afide, as if he had committed an errour, God forgiue me (quoth he) what haue I done, I crie you hartily mercie, I haue miftaken you for my ac quaintance, one that is fo like you, as one peaze is like a- nother : and therefore I pray you pardon me. No harme done, no harme done, quoth the Gentleman, and fo they departed. Sinior who was to deuide his bootie where his companion attended him, and my neighbour Mumpfimus to tyrannize on Buls pudding-pies for his fixe pence : fhort tale to make, his hungrie bodie being refrefhed, and eue- rie one fatiffied, there entred in a dumbe fhewe, the recko ning with a cleane trencher in his hand verie orderly, as who fhould fay, Lay your hand on the booke. On him at tended a well fed Tapfter in a fhining fute of well liquo red fuftian, wheron was engrauen the triumphs of many full platter, with his apron on his fhoulder, and his knife vnder his girdle. At which fight euery man began to draw, and my honefb penifather thought to droppe tefters with the reft : but woe alas, his breeches were like the bottom- leffe pit of hell, for there was not one croffe to be found.
E Then
33
Then began he to fume and chafe, and run vp and downe like a mad man, faying, Well a day y* euer I was borne Who am I ? who am I ? Whereat the reft of the Gentle men wondring, he vp and told them the whole ftorie of his miffortune, as is afore recited. And faid, now I know who it was that faid, Who am I ? who am I ? for in troth he was a cutpurfe. But here did he not ceafe or fpcnd much time in fmging a De profundis ouer his emptie pocket, where was nought els faue Lent and defolation, but iumbled his braines together like ftones in a bladder, and toft ouer his thoughts as a Tailer doth his fhreds when he hath loft his needle, to find out fome meancs to fetch home his ftraied purfe, and to be euen with thofe vndermining Pioners. In the end his pillow and prefent pouertie put this poli- cie into his head. The next day early in the morning he went into Poules in the* fame apparell, and walking iuft in the fame place where he loft the maine chance the day be fore, hauing bought him a faire new purfe with white firings and great taffels, and filled the fame with brafle counters, and thruft it into the flop of his hofe, as he was wont, letting the firings thereof hang out for a traine. Well, fo it fell out, that he had fcarcc fetcht three turnes, but a poore woman that had the fhaking ague in her head came to afke his charitie : he glad of anie occafion to boaft his counterfeit wealth, to entrap the eyes of thofe hungrie efpials, gaue her a penie, and therewith drew forth a num ber of counters, making fhcw as if they had be*ene French crownes : which was prefently perceiued by Timothy touch and take, that had beenc in the a<5lion the day before, who fit ting vnder a piller, leaning like one twixt fle'eping and wa king, fell into a great longing, how he might haue that purfe alfo to beare the other companie. Still the oldc Snudge went plodding in one path, and cuer looked vnder his ouerhanged moflTie eyc-browes, to f6c who came ne*ere him, or once offer to iufllc him. He had befide at either end of the lie on of his men to watch, for feare any more, Who am I ? fhuld come behind him. At laft out fteps my nimble
knatic,
34
haunting Conicatchers.
knaue, and running haflily by him like fome prentife, that had beene fent of an errand, he fliced it fmoothly away, fo as the gentleman neuer perceiued it. But one of his men who had his fenfes both of feeing and feeling better then his mafter, marked when he gaue him the gentle gleeke, and whither he went when hee had obtained his bootie : whereupon dogging him to a Cookes fhoppe in Thames flreet ; to which place alfo the Gentlema followed aloofe off. He there laid hands on him, and challenged him for a Cut- purfe, faying, he had feene him doe fuch a thing in Poules, and told him alfo from whom he tooke it. He fwore and fla red, and flood at vtter defiance with him. And the better to outface the matter, his partner, who being then lodged in the fame houfe, came downe and fell in tearmes of doing the Gentleman wrong, and that he fhould anfwer him, or any man els. And (quoth he) if thou wert well ferued thou fhouldeft be ftabd for offering to difcredit him thus at his lodging. Meane while that thefe matters were thus dif- puting, and the poore feruingmans death with manie oathes vowed, in came his mailer, who fpying, Who am I ? to ftand vpon his pantofles fo proudly, ftraight tooke him afide, and told him a tale in his eare, that did him fmall good at the heart, and faid flatly hee was the man, and no other whom he fought for, and either he would haue re- ftitution for his purfe at his hands, or they would trie a conclufion at Tyborne. At which fpeech their courage was fomewhat abated : and in the end it fo fell out, to a- uoid further trouble they reftored him both the purfes with quietnes, and made him a fufficient recompence for the trefpaffe. Thus at that time they efcaped, and all parties were pleafed : but fhortly after they were taken for fuch an other fa6l, for which they were both condemned and execu ted at Tyborne.
Now Gentlemen, haue you not heard a pretie pranke of Wilie beguily, where the cunning Cutpurfe was pin ched in his owne pra6tife ? fure I thinke neuer was poore Nip fo nipt before. Wherefore I wifh all thofe that are of
E 2 that
35
Greenes Ghoft
that facultic to be carefull of the right Nip, who if he bee neuer fo cunning in his arte, yet at one time or other hee maie hap to meete with Bui, and his fturdie lade, on whom if he chance to ride with his necke fnarled in an hempen halter, he is like to receiue fo fharpe a nip, that it will for euermore marre his drinking place.
A notable exploit performed by a Lift.
*" I ^Here was not long fmce one of our former profefli- -*• on, hauing intelligence of a Citizen that inuited three or fourc of his friends to dinner, came a little before din ner time, and marked when the gueftes were all come : when they were all come, as he thought, knowing the good- man of the houfe fafe (for he was not yet come from the ex change) fteps vp the ftaires boldly, and comes into the roome where the guefts were : when he comes in he falutes them, and afkes if his cofen were not yet come from the Exchange. They told him no. No (faith he) me thinks he is verie long, it is paft twelue of the clocke. Then after a turne or two, In faith Gentlemen (quoth my new come gueft) it were good to doe fomething whereat we may bee merie againft my cofen comes home, and to that intent I will take this Salt and hide it, that when hee miffeth it, we fhall f£e what he will fay to my cofen his wife : fo hee tooke the Salt, and put it in his pocket, and walked a turne or two more about the roome, within a while when yc other guefts were bufie in talk, he fteps downe the ftaires faining to make water ; but when he was downe, he tur ned downe Th^eues allie, and neuer returned againe. The Citizen when he came home bid his friends welcome, and anon he mift the Salt that fhould be fet on the table, called his wife to know if there were neuer a Salt in the houfe : His wife bufie about dinner, tooke her hufband vp, as women at fuch times will do, when they are a little trou bled (for a little thing troubles them God wot) and afked him if he had no eyes in his head. No, nor you wife (quoth
he)
haunting Conicatchers.
hee) if you fay there be any now : So there paft many fhrewd and hot words betweene them. At length the guefts vnwilling they mould difagree on fo fmall a trifle, they vp and told how one came in and afked for his cofen, and tooke away the Salt, meaning to make a little mirth at dinner. But when they faw he returned no more, they contented themfelues with patience, and went to dinner, as men at fuch times vfe to do, with heauy hearts and cold ftomackes.
* I ^ Here are a certaine band of Raggamuffin Prentifes -*• about the towne, that will abufe anie vpon the fmal- left occafion that is, and fuch men (whom they neuer came to the credit in all their Hues to make cleane their mooes) thefe dare neuer me'ete a man in the face to auouch their rogarie, but forfooth they muft haue the help of fome other their complices. Of this bafe fort you mail common ly find them at Playhoufes on holy dayes, and there they will be playing their parts, or at fome rout, as the pulling downe of Baudie houfes, or at fome good exploit or other, fo that if you n6ed helpe, or you thinke your felfe not able to make your part good with anie that you owe a grudge to, no more but repaire to one of thefe, and for a canne of Ale they will do as much as another for a crowne : & thefe make no more confcience to beat or lame one, whom they neuer before faw nor knew, then the knights of the poafts when they are feed out of Poules to fweare falfly.
There are another fort of Prentifes, that when they fee a Gentlewoman or a countriman minded to buy anie thing, they will fawne vpon them with their cap in hand, with what lacke you Gentlewoman? what lacke you Countriman ? See what you lacke. The Gentlewoman perufmg diuers commodities, findeth nothing that per haps likes her : then going away, they come off with their ouerworne frumps. Will you buy nothing Gentlewo man ? Its no maruell you mould fee fuch choice of good ware. Then they begin to difcommend her perfon to their
E 3 next
37
Greenes Ghoft
next neighbors, as good as thcmfelues, and at next word, Send a fine doggc after her. Thefe maie bee likened to currifh Spaniels, that when a man comes into the houfc will fawne vpon him, but before he goes forth, if hee take not heed, will catch him by the fhinnes. But if they me'etc with a countrie-man, he is the fitted man in the world to dealc vpon. They will afke him iuft twife fo much as the ware is worth. The plaine fimple man offers within a vcrie little of his price, as they vfc in the countrie : which the Apprentife takes, and fweares it was not his for that money, and fo makes the poore man a right Conic. I think few in the Exchange will account this for a Conicatching trickc. But if the countriman leaues them and goes his waie without buying anie thing, either for that hee likes not the ware, or that it is of too high a price : then will they come off with, Do you heare Countriman, will you glue me thus much, and leaue your blew coate for a pawn for the reft ? or they will bid him fell his fword and buy a paire of mooes ? or fuch like fcofiing girds, that the poore man fometimes could find in his heart to giue all the mo ney in his purfe, that he had them in Finfburie fields, that hee might reuenge himfclfe on them for abufing him : a verie great abufe to their maifters and chapmen.
To this focietie maie be coupled alfo another fraternity, viz. Water-rats, Watermen I meane, that will be rea- die & very diligent for anic man, vntil they can get them to their boates, but when they come to land to paie their fare, if you paic them not to their owne contentments, you mall be fure of fome gird or other, yea and perhaps if they know they haue an Affe to deale with, flop his hat or his cloake, till he haue paid them what they lift ; but thefe are moft commonlie feruants and apprentifes : for the or der is, that for euerie tweluc pence they earne their mai- fter allowes them two pence, fo then the more they get, whether by hook or crookc, the more think they their gaine comes in. But this fort now and then me*ete with their mates, who in ftdcd of a penie more in filuer, fend them to
the
haunting Conicatchers.
the Chirurgians with two penie worth of forrow.
But what need I to fpend time in deciphering thefe com mon companions? Thefe few I haue particularly named, but thinke you there are no more of this kind? But I let paffe Carmen and Dreymen, as verie knaues as the reft, becaufe thefe are better knowne then I can fet them forth : I meane not at this time, nor in this Treatife to fet forth the guiles and deceits accuftomed in all trades and my- fteries from the chiefeft trade to the bafeft, but will con tent my felfe for this time, with that that hath beene alrea- die dilated, intending in fome other Treatife, at one time or other to relate in briefe what hath beene at large too long put in pra6life.
In the meane time curteous Citizens, let me exhort you to become good exaples to your family: for as the ma- fter is, so commonly is the feruant, as witnes the old vcr- fes in the Sheppards Calender in September.
Sike as the Sheppards, fike beene her flieepe.
And be fure, if thy feruant fee thee giuen to fpending, and vnchaft liuing, there looke thy feruant, when thou thinkeft he is about thy bufmeffe, not onely fpends his time vainly, but that money, which by thy care in flaying at home thou mighteft haue faued. Such iollie fhauers, that are deepe flafhers of others, mens hides, haue I knowne (more is the pitie) to fit vp all night, fome at Cardes and Dice, fome quaffing and fwilling at the Tauerne, and other a- mong their trulles, fpending in one night fome twentie {hillings, and thirtie (hillings often: fome againe that can maintaine to themfelues a wench all the yeare, and then they muft filch and purloine whole peeces of ftuffe for their gownes and peticoats, befides great ftore of mony : But thefe are fuch that can with a wet finger, and by rea- fon of abundance of ware purloine their maifters goods, & not eafily be efpied. But be fure at one time or other fuch villains wil come forth : for the pot goes fo oft to the water, that at laft it comes home crackt. And take this for a
principle
39
Greenes Ghoft
principle and general rule, that whofoeuer he be that giues himfelfe to this damnable finne of luft, let him be affured, as fure as he had it alreadie, that a great punifliment han- geth ouer his head. Therefore it behooues the maifler to be wife in gouerning his feruants,, that they may bee as markes for their feruants to fhoote at, to fee how their fer uants bee addidled and giuen, and not to be fterne and fe- uere towards them, but rather keepe them in, that they wander not abroad more then neceflitie forceth, remem- bring that rule that Quid giueth,
Farce pucr Jlitmilis Grfortiiis vtere loris.
Spare the whip, raine them hard: for fuch as are grownc to yeares will hardly endure blowes, wherefore the rai ning them from their defires is the next way in my mind to bring them to good.
But here is the griefe that thofe that fhould giue light are darke; thofe that fhould be guides haue n6ed to be lead; thofe that fhould inftru6l to fobrietie, are inducers to vani- tie, according to thofe verfes in Maie,
Thofe faitors littell regarden their charge, While they letting their flieep runne at large, PafTen their time that fhould be fparely fpent, In luflinefle and wanton meriment Thilke fame be Sheppards for the diuels fleed, That playen, &c.
Againe, what confcience they vfe in bargaining and fel ling, witneffc the whole world, according to Diggon in Septemb.
They fetten to fale their fliops of fhame, And maken a market of their good name. The meppards there robben one another, And layen baites to beguilde her brother.
And
40
haunting Conicatchers.
And againe,
Or they bine falfe or full of couetife,
And caften to compaffe many wrong emprife.
In fine, to conclude with that which we haue fo long flood vpon, namely with vncleanneffe, how hard it is for men to bee reclaimed from it : and as it is pernicious to all generally, fo particularly to young men that haue newlie fet vp for themfelues, and haue as it were new ly entred into the world, foone maie they caft awaie them felues, except they looke the better about them : but moft odious for fuch that haue wiues, with whom they may fo- lace themfelues. Pitie it is that fuch cannot be noted a- boue the reft, it fhewes an inordinate luft. And nowe it comes in my mind, I will impart with a tricke ferued vpon a maried man, and a tradefman by a good wench, as they call them, reported and heard from her owne mouth not long fince. The parties names I will conceale, be- caufe fome of them are of fome credite, although fome- what blemifhed by this fkarre : and it was on this maner.
How a Citizen was ferued by a Curtizan.
*T~"1Here was one Mounfieur Libidinofo dwelling at the -*• figne of Incontinencie, hauing caft vp his accounts for the weeke paft (for it was Saturday night) after fup- per refolued with himfelfe to walke, which way he cared not, but as his ftaffe fell, fo would he wend : by chance it fell Weftward, and Weftward he went, vntill he came to Whitefriers. When he came thither he bethought him felfe, and held it a deed of charitie to fe*e fome of his old ac quaintance, whom hee had not vifited a long time before : But they according to the ancient cuftome were remo- ued, for they vfe not to flay long in a place. He hearing that, made no more ado but fel aboord with one that came next to hand, as good as the befl, one that had be*ene tried, and fuch a one as would not fhrinkc at a fhower : little
F in-
Greenes Ghoft
intrcatic femes, and vp they goc. When after their beaftly fport and plcafure Mounfieur Libid. heat of luft was fomcwhat affwaged, and ready to goe, fueling his pocket for a vencreall remuneration finds nothing but a Teftcr, or at lead fo little, that it was not fufikient to plcafe dame Pleafurc for her hire. He protefted and vow ed he had no more about him now : for (faid he) when I came forth I ncur thought what money I had about me. My Ladic would not beteeue Monf. Libid. a great while, but fcarchcd and fueled for more coine, but at that time fhe was fruftrate of her expectation : flic feeing no reme- die, fet as good a countenance on the matter as fhe could, and told him fhe would be contented for that time, hoping hee would bee more bcneficiall to her hereafter. They were both contented : where no fooner hee is gone downc the flaires, but fliee whips off her gowne, and puts on a white waftcoate with a trice, and fo dogs M. Libidinof. home to his houfe, and taking a perfect view of his houfe and figne, returnes back againe. On Monday morning flic came to his houfe verie orderly in her gown with her handbafket in her hand, where fhe found Monf. Libid. and his wife in the fhop : when fhe came in fhe cal led for this fort and that fort of lace, vntill flic had called for as much ware as came to twentie fhillings : when fhe was ready to goc, fhe whifpered my Gentleman in the eare, and afked him, If he be remcmbred how fleight- ly fuch a time he rewarded her kindneffe, but now I am fatiffied for this time. M. Libid. was in a wonderfull ftreight, and gaue her not a word for an anfwer, fearing his wife fhould knowe anie thing. His wife noting her whifpering in her hufbands eare, and feeing no mony paid, afked her hufband when fhe was gone, who fhe was. Hee verie fmoothly told her, fhee was a very honefl cutters wife, and that hee knew her a long time to bee a good paymaifter. This anfwer contented his wife : but ful well I know he was not cotented in his mind al the day after.
haunting Conicatchers.
See here how a man may bee vnawares ouertaken by thefe filthie Pitchbarrels. Then let this example teach thee to forgoe their allurements, leafb thou in time be de filed with the like blot, or ouerplunged in a deeper bog : Remember,
Juctix quifacit aliena pericula cautum.
For thefe night birdes not vnlike the Syrens, the more you frequent them, the more you fliall be intangled, accor ding to thefe verfes, Diggon in Sept.
For they beene like foule wagmoires ouergrafl,
That if thy gallage once fticketh faft,
The more to wind it out thou doeft fwincke,
Thou mought ay deeper and deeper fmcke.
Yet better leaue of with littell loffe,
Then by much wreftling to leefe the groffe.
Thefe may be motiues to all to auoidc fuch infectious plague-fores : but how hard it is to get vp a tyred iade when he is downe, efpecially in the dirt euery man knowes, and men wil haue their fwinge do all what they can, according to Thcnot in February.
Muft not the world wend in his common courfe, From good to bad; and from bad to worfe; From worfe vnto that is worft of all, And then returne to his former fall.
But for my part I am refolued and vvifh all men of the like mind flicking my ftaffe by Peirfe in Maie.
Sheppard, I lift no accordance make With fheppard that does the right way forfake, And of the twaine if choife were to me Had leuer my foe then my friend to be.
F2 The
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Greenes Ghoft
THE NOTABLE, SLIE,
and deceitfull pranks of Do6lor Pinchbacke.
Notable fellow of this trade well ftric- ken in yeares, one that was fre"e of the Nitmongers, trauelled with his boy in to Yorkefhire. And hauing no mony in his purfe, nor other meanes to relieuc himfelfe but plaine fhifting, grewe into vtter defpaire of his eftate, by reafon hee had worne all cofonages threed bare, and made the vttermoft of his wit that was poflible. Wherefore complaining himfelf to his truftie page, that had bdene patner with him both in weale and woe, and whom hee had brought vp in his occupation, and taught to be as fubtill as himfelfe: but Maifter (quoth he) take no care, for when all is gone and nothing left, well fare the Dagger with the dudge on haft. I am young and haue crochets in my head: I warrant you, while I haue my fiue fenfes we will not begge. Goe you and take vp your lodging in the faireft Inne in the towne, and call in luflily, fparing for no coft, and let me alone to pay for all. With this refolution they went into York citie, where feeing a verie faire Tauern, readie to outface the, according to the boyes aduife, they put into it, & called for a roome, and none might content them but the bed chamber in the houfe. Then lacke of the clocke houfe fummoned the Chamberlaine before
him,
haunting Conicatchers.
him, and tooke an inuentorie what extraordinarie proui- fion of victuals they had for dinner, telling them his maifter was no common man, nor would he be plea- fed with anie groffe kind of fare. The Tapfter, who hoping of gaine, feemed verie feruiceable, and told him he mould want nothing. And although they had at that time fundrie ftrangers, by reafon the chiefe luflics of the fhire fate there the fame day about a Commiflion, yet promifed to giue what attendance he might. Thus did the Crack-rope triumph, and walking in the yard while dinner was preparing, hamered in his head, & caft an eye about the houfe to fee if anie occafion were offe red for him to worke vpon. At laft going vp a paire of ftayres, hee fpied in a faire great Chamber where the CommifTioners fate, a fide fettle, whereon good ftore of plate flood. Yea, thought he ? and it fhall go hard but He make vp my market. So into the chamber clofely hee ftept, not beeing perceiued by any man, couertly con- ueyed away vnder his cloake one of the greateft gilt goblets, and went immediately on the backfide of the houfe, where fpying an old well, hee flung the fame, and went his way vp to his matter, to whom hee difcouered what he had done, intreating him the better to furnifh out the Pageant, to change his name, and call himfelfe Doctor Pinchbacke.
This done, he went downe into the kitchin to fe"e if dinner were readie: where the goodman of the houfe began to queftion with him what his Maifter was, and who they called him. Sir, quoth he, Do6tor Pinchbacke. What, is he a Doctor of Phyficke quoth the hoft? Yea marie, quoth the boy, and a fpeciall good one. With that anfwer he ceafed queftioning any further, but fent vp meat to his dinner, and went vp himfelfe to bid him welcome.
Dinner being done and the other guefts ready to rife, the Goblet fodainly was miffed, and great inquiry
F 3 made
45
Greenes Ghoft
made for it, but at no hand it would be found: all the feruaunts were examined, the houfe was thoroughlic fearchcd, none of the Gentlemen had it. This newe found Doctor fwarc hee fawe it not, the boy denied it alfo, yet ftill the goodman and the good wife kept a great ftirre for it, and were readie to weepe for ve- rie anger that they fliould ke"ep fuch knaucs about them as had no more care, but retchlcfly let a cuppe of nine pounds be"e ftollen, and no man knew which waie. Then the hod made great offers to hauc it againe, which the boy hearing, faid, if they could cntrcate his Maifter to take the paines, he could caft a figure, and fetch it againe with heaue -and ho. But not a word (quoth he) that I told you fo.
The good man hearing that, ramie vp in all haft, and befought Maifter Doctor for the paflion of God to (land his friend, or els he was vndone. So it is, quoth he, that I vnderftand of your great learning and knowledge, and that by a fpeciall gift in Aftronomie that God hath giuen, you can tell of maruellous matters, and helpc againe to things that are loft. I praie you as euer you came of a woman fhewc mce a little feate about my cuppe: and though I hauc but fmall ftore of mo ney, yet will I bcftowe fortie fliillings on you for your labour. Maifter Doctor at the firft made ftrange of the matter, and fe"emed verie loth to dealc in it, by reafon of the daunger of the lawc: yet for that he fee- med to bee an honeft man, and it gricued him that anie fuch thing fhould happen whilcft hce was in his houfe, hee would ftrainc a little with his cunning to rele"eue him in the bcft forte, not fo much for his mo ney as for his friendftiip, and fwore hee would not doe it for any other for a hundred pounds, therefore hee defi- red him to leaue him to himfelfe, and to take order that no man came to trouble him for fome two houres fpace, and he fliould fee what he would do for him.
Two
46
haunting Conicatchers.
Two houres lide flayed alone by himfelfe tofting him by a good fire till he fweat againe, then painting his face with a deadifh colour, which hee caried al- waies about with him for fuch a purpofe, and then calling vp the hofte, told him that hee had laboured fore for him, and almoft indaungered himfelfe in vn- dertaking the a6lion, yet by good fortune hee had fi- nifhed his bufmeffe, and found where the cuppe was. Haue you not a well (quoth hee) on the backe fide of your houfe that ftands thus, and thus, for mine owne part I was neuer there (that I can tell of) to fee. Yes that I haue, fayd the Hofte. Well (faid Maifter Do ctor) in the bottome of that well is your cuppe: where fore goe fearch prefently, and you fhall finde my words true. The goodman with all expedition did as hee willed him, and drew the well drier at laft hee fpied his Goblet where it lay. It was no neede to bid him take it vp, for in his owne perfon hee went downe in the bucket: and full lightly to Maifter Doctour Pinch- packes chamber hee trudged, and caried him fortie fhil- lings, offering him befides a moneths boord in requitall of his great curtefie. This counterfeit forfooth would feemc to refufe nothing, but there lay and fed vpon the ftocke, whileft my goodman hofte did nothing but fill the countrie with his praife.
Not manie daies paffed but a Gentleman of good credite drawne thither by the ordinarie report, came to vifit him, who defirous to make triall of his cunning, he craued to knowe of him (his wife then beeing big with child) whether it was a man childe or a woman childe fhe went withall? Hee anfwered he could fay lit tle thereto except he faw her naked.
The Gentleman although hee thought it was no vfuall thing for a man to fee a woman naked, yet Phyfitions haue more priuiledge then others, and
they
47
Greenes Ghoft
they as well as Midwiues are admitted to any fecrets. Wherefore he perfwaded his wife to difclofe her felfe to him, and to difpence with a little inconuenience, fo they may be refolued of fo rare a fecret. But this was Doftor Pinchbackes drift, hee thought to haue fliifted the Gentleman off by this extraordinarie impofition, thinking he would rather haue furceafed his fute, then anie waie haue fuffered him to fee his wife naked. In conclufion a chamber was prepared warme and clofe, in which fhe fhewed her felfe, & twife walked vp and down the chamber naked in the prefence of M. Doctor and her hufband, who demanded M. Do6lors anfwer to his for mer queftion, which was as followeth: Quoth he, from meward it is a boy, and to me ward it is a girle: other anfwer they could get none of him. Wherefore the Gen tleman was greatly offended againft him, calling him Affe, Dolt, Patch, Cockefcombe, Knaue, and all the bafe names he could deuife. But awaie went maifter Doctor as fldlfull in thofe cafes as a blind man when he throweth his ftaffe: and durft not anfwer the Gentle man one word. And the Gentleman greatly repen ted him that he had been fo foolifh to fhew his wife in that fort before fo fottifh a companion.
About foure dayes after the Gentlewoman fell in la bour, and was deliuered of a boy and a girle: where at the Gentleman remembring the blunt anfwer of the Doctor, and finding it to be true, was greatly afto- nifhed, fuppofing indeed hee had mightily wronged the Doctor: to whom he went immediately crauing par don for his former follie, fhewing himfelfe verie forow- full for his fault, and offered him in recompence of a- mends all the fauour he might poffibly doe him, gran ting to him his houfe at commandement, and his boord for fo long time as he would continue with him. Wher- upon in figne of loue and amitie he went and foiour- ned at the Gentlemans houfe: Whereupon the Doctors
cre-
48
haunting Conicatchers.
credit flill more and more began to increafe, fo that all the countrie round about told no fmall tales of the great cunning of Do6lor Pinchbacke, to whom they reforted early and late.
It fortuned foone after there was a Faire neere to the Gentlemans houfe, where the people diuerfly tal ked of the Doctors fkill and cunning, and that he could doe anie thing, or tell anie thing that was done in anie place. Naie (quoth a plaine Countriman) I will ven ture twentie Nobles that hee fhall not doe it. I will my felfe goe perfonally to him, and hold fomething in my hand, and if hee tell me what it is I will lofe my money. I take you, fayd one or two, and the wager be ing layd, awaie they went towards the Gentlemans houfe: and parting thorough a meadow, the man tooke vp a Grafhopper out of the graffe, and put it into his hand, fo clofe that no man might perceiue it. Then for ward they went, and met with Maifter Doctor, and they defired him to fatiffie them of that fecret which was vpon his credite, to tell them what one of the com- panie held in his hand. Whereunto the Doctor was loth to anfwer, confidering he had no fuch fkill as peo ple bruted abroade: neuertheleffe he caft in his mind, how he might excufe the matter by fome pretie fleight, if he fhould gueffe amifle, and therfore concluded in this ieft, he called to mind that his owne name was Gra fhopper, and if (quoth he) I take him by the hand, I may say hee hath a grafhopper in his hand, and yet I may iuftly defend it for a truth. Whereupon the Doctor ta king him by the hand, faid he had a Grafhopper in his hand: which be"eing opened was found true. Whereat the Cuntrimen wondred, and went their wayes. Some faid hee was but a cofoning knaue: others reported what wonders hee could performe: Some faid he could
G goe
49
Greenes Ghoft
goe round about the world in a moment, and that he walked euerie night in the aire with fpirites : fome faid hee had a familiar: thus the people gaue their cen- fure; fome liking, and others mifliking him. And in a word, fo manie men, fo manie mindes, but the grea ter part of the countrey admired his deepe knowledge, and publiflied his excellent learninge, fo that he became famous amongft the people, and the Gentleman not a little proud of fo worthy a guefl: in fo much that ha- uing one onely daughter, whom he loued moft entier- lie, and as parents moft defire their children fhould match themfelues with fuch, by whom they hope pre ferment fhould come, on a daie brake his minde to the Do6lour in his daughters behalfe, affuring him hee fhould not onely finde her a louing and dutifull wife, but would giue him foure hundred pounds, and make him affurance of all his land, which was worth (fayd hee) better then two hundred markes a yeare after his deceafe, if fo it would pleafe his worfhip to accept his kind offer, which hee affured him proceeded of meere loue. The Do6lour a while coylie refufed the Gen- tlemans offer, but be"eing earneftly entreated of the Gentleman, he anfwered him to this effect.
Sir, for your great friendship hitherto and vnex- pe6led kindneffe, at this time I cannot but confeffe my felfe much indebted to you: and becaufe you are fo importunate with me to marie your daughter (al though I proteft it is not for my profite) I doe willing ly take her to my wife: for I haue (faith h£e) refufed many faire and perfonable Gentlewomen in mine owne countrey with large dowries: but to make you part of amends for your vndeferued kindneffe, I here am content to yeeld to your requeft. The Gentle man humbly thanked him, and prolonged not the
time
haunting Conicatchers.
time I warrant you, but with great expedition hafted the manage daie : where with great feafling and ioy with his friends they paffed that day with much pleafure and muficke.
The Doctour about a moneth after defired the Gen tleman for his wiues portion, which the Gentleman willingly paid him. When two or three dayes were paffed he told the Gentleman hee would goe into his owne countrie to fee his friends, and withall prepare and make readie his houfe (which was let forth to farme) for himfelfe to inhabite, and that he would come againe when all things were readie and fetch his wife. The Gentleman was verie vnwilling to leaue the Do ctors companie; but feeing the Doctor fo importu nate, at laft yeelded, and fo lent the Doctor and his boy two of his beft geldings: who as foone as they were on horfebacke, neuer minding to returne againe, tooke their iourney into Deuonfhire, and there fo long as his foure hundred pounds lafted made merie with their companions, till at laft hauing fpent all, beganne to renue his olde trade, and after being taken in compa nie with fome fufpected perfons was apprehended, and by the law (as I heard) was condemned to bee hanged for a murtherer.
Thus although peraduenture hee was not guiltie of the murther, yet it was a iuft punifhment for his villanie before practifed.
The Gentleman after a quarter of a yeare was paft, beganne to looke for the Doctors comming home againe, but in vaine; fo hee paffed a tweluemoneth, ex pecting his fonne in lawes returne: at laft as happe was one of the Gentlemans acquaintance hauing beene at his houfe, and fe'eing the Doctor there, brought word home to the Gentleman that hee fawe the Do-
G 2 ctor
Greenes Ghoft
c~lor for certaine executed at Exceter in Deuonfhire, for a muder. In what a melancholy humour the Gen tleman was in, and what griefe and forrowe the young Gentlewoman tooke to heart at thefe heauie tidings, I refer it to the Reader, and none but thofe that haue tafted of thofe griefes doe fufficiently know.
FINIS.
52
Sri
Ml
Looke to it : FOR,
He Stabbe ye.
Imprinted^at London by E. Allde for W. Ferbrand, and George Loftes, and are to be folde in Popes- head Allie. 1604.
T//ere is a Humour vfd of late, By eue'ry Rafcall fwagg'ring mate, To giue the Stabbe: He Stabbe (fayes hee) Him that dares take the wall of me. If you to pledge a health denie, Out comes his Poniard; there you lie. If his Tabacco you difpraife, He fweares, a Stabbe shal end your daies. If you demaund the Debt he owes, Into your guts his Dagger goes. Death feeing this, doth take his Dart, and he perform.es the Stabbing part. he fpareth none, be who it will : his lifence is the World to kill.
A 2. S..
Deaths great and
gcncrall Challenge.
I Do defie the World and all therein, My challenge at the Scepter doth begin: Downc to the Plough Swaine, come who dare in Mace, Set f oof e to mine, and looke me in the face. MyfieJJi and fat, doth make no burliefJiow, A raw-bone fellow, all the World doth kntnv. To dcale atfundry Weapons, J refufc, As Fencers (when they play their prizes) vfc: Of Sword and Dagger I hauejittle skill: Rapier I ncucr wore, nor neuer will. My fight is very lad to hauc about, For He affureyou both mine Eyes be out. But at the Irifh Dart J onely deale: Whofe Hart I hit, I nere knew Surgeon heale. My Horfc is pale, well pat d; I neuer shoo-him, Saindl Georges Gelding was a lade vnto-him, I would ride often, when I go onfoote, But there's no Shoo-maker can fit me" a Boote.
Deaths Prologue to
his Tragicall Stabbe.
yT? no degree orfacultie, I do intends offence;
A I thofe I threaten heerc to flab, &*fend the wretches hence Arcfuch, as tremble when they hcare, whatfatall Stab I giue, For though I kill both good and bad, all creatures that do line, The good are ncuer terrified with any power I haue: I open the them Doore of life, the chief efl thing they craue. But to the wicked graceleffe fort, moflfearfull I appear e, Bccanfe Ifende them to a place, dothpajjje all torments hcere. To the the name of Death feems Death, Oh tis a fearftil found For of the hope of life to come, they want qffured ground, From this bad World vnto a worfe, I fend them forth to dwell I am the Taylor, leading them vnto the vault of Hell. Good ncwes vnto the good J bring: but to the wicked, euill: Bccaufe I fend the one to God, the other to the DeuilL Such as fear e God, they fear e not me, but bid me do my worfl If any finds himfelfe agreeu'd, ilejlabbe that fellow frft.
A3
Tyrant Kinges.
YOu high Imperious crowne-contending Kings, Who for Earth's glory (not Religions good) Turne humane bodies into bloudy fprings, And die the ground with flaught'red chriftians blood That for the gayning of an earthly Crowne, Will toffe a fpatious Kingdomc vpfide downe.
You that deuorce the hufbands from their wiues, By fatall warre, the endleffe foe to peace: you that denye poore new-borne Babes their Hues, and will not graunt fweet life an howers leafe : ] That care not how, or by what meanes you raigne, So you the golden Crowne and Scepter gaine.
He Stabbe yee.
Wicked
Wicked Magiftrates
TVT Obles and Judges, mightie men on Earth, That careleffe caft the fword of luftice by: And let your pleafures furfeit in their myrth, Not lending poore mens Plaints, care, hand, nor eye : Suff'ring the luft vuiuftly be oppreft, When the oppreflbr liues at eafe and reft.
Forgetting God, whom you fhould reprefent, In all the actions of your publique place: Yeelding the world your hartes, with full confent, To gather Mammon, hoording wealth apace. You that nere thinke your felues muft once appeere To giue account how you hauc Judged heere:
He Stabbe yee.
Curious
Curious Diuines
~T\Iuinest that are together by the eares,
Puft vp, high-minded, feedes-men of diffention, Striuing vntill Chriftes feame-leffe garments teares, Making the Scriptures follow your inuention, Neglecting that, whereon the foule mould feede, Imployde in that, whereof foules haue no neede.
Curious in thinges you neede not ftir about, Such as concerne not matter of faluajiion : Giuing offence to them that are without : Vpon whofe weaknes you mould haue compasfion, Caufmg the good to grieue, the bad reioyce ; Yet you with Martha, make the worfer choyce.
He Stabbe yee.
B Cone-
Couetous Lawyers.
T Awycrs that wreft the Law to your affection, "^To fauour, or disfauour, as you pleafe : And keepc your Clyants purfes in fubieclion, Till fome doe get Peirce penny lejfc difeafe: Not caring how their caufe do ftand or fall, So you your felues get golde to rife withall.
That whyle you deale with Angels, feruc the Deuill, Becaufe you banifh Conference out of towne, Couetoufneffe, you knowe's a damned euill; And yet you wrap it with you in your Gowne. You that with if's with and's, demurrs, delayes, Bring Caufes in confumptions and decayes.
He Stabbe yee.
Vp-
10
Vp-ftart Courtier
/"** Ourtier, whofe hart with pride, fo mighty growes,
thou wilt not to thy Father mooue thy Hat, becaufe he weares a paire of ruffet Hofe, Thy Veluet Breeches looke awry at that : Nay, ere he fhall difgrace thee, thou wilt rather Sweare by the Lord, that he is not thy Father.
You that deny the ftocke from whence you came, thrufting your felfe into fome Gentle kin, you that will giue your felfe an other name, Which muft not from an old Thatcht-houfe begin, you that will haue an Armes fhall grace you too, Though your poore Father cobled many a Shoo.
He Stabbe yee.
B 2
Wealthie
ii
VVealthye Cittizens.
YOu Cittizens that are of Dines wealth, His coftly cloathing, and his dainty fare, Regarding nothing but felfe-eafe and health : How euer Lazarus lyes poore and bare : your Dogges arc not fo kinde to licke their fores, But rather feruc to bite them from your dorcs.
You that do make your Tables Poulters ftalles, Great prouocation to the fmfull flefh : And though the famifh'd, hunger-ftarued calles For lefus fake, with Crummes our wantes refrefh : Your Difhes haue the food for which they cry : You play with that, for which they pine and die.
He Stabbe yee.
Greedy
12
Greedy Vfurer.
THou Fur-gown'd flaue, exceeding rich and olde, Ready to be deuowred of the Graue : Thou that wilt fell a foule, to purchafe Gold, And gold, ftill gold, nothing but golde doft craue : Thou moft extreame hard-harted cruell wretch, Whome Hell gapes for; the Deuill comes to fetch.
Thou that wilt not forbeare an howers time,
But wilt a forfayture feueerely take :
Thou that by crueltie to wealth doft clyme,
And threatneft Dice of poore mens bones to make,
Hauing that ruftie gold vpon thy hand,
For which, there's thoufandes perifh in the land.
He ftabbe yee.
Cnrfcd
Curfed Swearers.
'THHou that doft take Gods holy name in vaine,
JL Which is of wondrous feare and reuerence, Thou that reprou'd, wilt vtter Oathes againe, To grieue him, that admonifh'd thy offence. Thou that wilt fay, He that's agreeu'd with fwearing, May flop his eares or get him out of hearing.
Thou that wilt fweare a truth, not to be fo,
And fweare that which is falfe, to be moft trew,
Thou that wilt vow moft abfolute to know,
That which thy confcience knowes thou neuer knew.
Thou that wilt fweare, thou car'eft not what thou
becaufe the deuil and thy tongue are neareft. (fweareft
lie ftabbe yee.
Phifition
Phifitions of the
Quackfaluers crew.
"PvOctor, or rather Dunce, that purge with Pill,
Vntill that filuer haue a cleane Purgation : You Artleffe Buffard, that abufe the skill, Of Learned men, deferuing reputation. You that had neuer Doctorfhip in Schooles, But got your grace from women or from Fooles.
You bafe Ouackfaluer in a Common wealth,
That practize Phificke out of olde wiues tales,
you that can make them ficke which haue their health
And learne by Almanackes, to pare your Nayles.
You that can tell what figne is beft affected
To picke ones Teeth, or haue his Beard corrected.
He Stabbe yee.
Gentle-
Gentlemen of
bafe broodc.
GAllant that takes the Altitudes on hie, and like a Fawk'ners Havvke do hood your wife, Giuing thofe golden Angels leaue to flye, your Father kept clofe prifoners all his life: you that are Sonne to him that held the Plow, Transform'd by Gold, into a Gentle now.
You that are Fafhions fpie, and Humors Ape, A filken Affe, a very Veluet Clowne : A perfe6l Gull, that lets no Fafhions fcape, To fwagger it in London, vp and downe. you that within a fuite of Cyuit dwell, And Garlike was your Fathers onely fmell.
He Stabbe yee.
Coitn-
16
Counterfayte
Captaine.
\7"Ou Captine moufe-trap, growne a defperat ftabber
You that will put your Poniard in mens guts : You that laft Voyage, were no more but fwabber, Yet you cracke Blades as men cracke Hafel-nuts, You that try all your manhood with a Puncke, And fight moft brauely when you are moft drunke:
You that proteft the Feather in your Hat, came from a Counteffe Fanne by way of fauour : Your Rapier, why the great Turke gaue you that For mightie monft'rous MarJJial-like behauiour. You that weare Scarfs and Gart'rings for your hofe, Made all of Ancients, taken from your foes.
He Stab yee.
Diffem-
n
Diflembling Souldier
YOu Sirha, that vfurpe a Souldicrs name, Vaunting your felfe a Thunder-bolt of Warres, Vowing that eucry ioynt you hauc is lame, By piercing Bullets, bloudy \voundes, and fcarres : You that fome hundred men at once withftood, And fought moft brauely to the knees in blood.
You that hauc flainc more men by breake of day, Then could haue graues digg'd for them in a weeke, You that haue made your foes to run away, Starkc naked, when their breeches were to feeke : You that haue compafTd all the earth's globe round, Yet neuer trod a ftep from EngliJJi ground,
He Stab yec.
Vnkindc
18
Vnkinde Parents.
PArentes, which fo vnnaturall are growne, That for your Children you will not prouide Becomming fo obdurate to your ovvne, With hardned heartes you can them not abide, But to a ftranger will extend more good, then to the ofspring of your blood.
You that in rage and fury, moft vnkinde, Will vtter Curfes where you ought to bleffe: For which God often yeeldeth to your minde, and fayes Amen, to wiflied ill fucceffe. You that from all humanitie haue ceaft, Man-like in fhape, in manners but a beaft.
He Stabbe yee.
Dijobe-
Difobedient
Children.
/<~~*Hildren that moft vndutifull doe Hue,
^-^ Forgetting what the Law of God commaundes:
You that no reuercnce to your parents giue,
But follow that which with your fancie ftands,
That onely like the Prodigall, will fpend,
But come not home (as he did) to amend.
You that propound your felues vnthriftie wayes, And will not vnto found aduife confent : you that doe runnc like Follies witles ftrayes, Vntill fome prifon teach you to repent : you that Hue as you pleafe, do what you lift, and admonition vtterly refift.
He Stabbe yee.
Drnn-
20
Drunkard.
YOu filthy flaues, whom I do often fee, fleeping in Tauerns on the benches drunke : That will haue full carowfes come to thee, Till with the liquors lading thou art funke. Then fill vs Boy one quart of Charnico, To drinke a health to Dicke before we goe,
You that will drinke Reynaldo vnto death : The Dane, that would carowfe out of his Boote, and quaffe an hundred Flemings out of breath, Laying as many French-men vnder foote : you that no other courfe obferue and keepe, But either drinking, drunke, or els a fleepe.
He Stabbe you.
Periurers
21
A /"Illaine, that runn'ft the ready way to Hell,
and neuer art at home, till thou com'ft there, Bafe flaue, that for bafe Bribes thy foule wilt fell, And any thing wilt vndertake to fweare. Thou careft not for God, nor mans law feares, Vntill the Pillorie bite off both thine cares.
Thou that doft make thy tongue a Serpents fting, To wound and hurt the Innocent withall : Thou that confufion to thy felfe doft bring, And wilfull wilt into perdition fall : Thou that art knowne amongft the beft and moft, and Officer of Hell, Knight of the Port.
He Stabbe yon.
God-
22
God-leffe Athifts.
HPHou damned Athift, thou incarnate Deuill,
That doeft deny his power which did create thee : a Villaine apt for euery kinde of euill, And all the eyes in heauen and earth do hate thee. That mak'ft account when thou lhalt breathleffe lie, Thy foule and bodie like a beaft do die.
That ¥haroa like dar'ft aske what fellow's God ? Effceeming facred Scriptures, to be vaine : And that the dead in earth fhall make abode, and neuer rife from out their graues againe : That fay'ft ; eate, drinke, be merrie, take delight : Swagger out day, and Reuell all the night.
He Stabbe thee.
Mifera-
Miferable Marchant
TV/I" Archant, that doeft cndeuour all thy dales,
To get commodities for priuate gaine : Caring no whit by what fynifter wayes, Nor by what hazard, trauell, toyle, or paine : Neuer refpecling other mens hard croffes, So thou mayft fell deerepen-worths by their loffes.
Thou that doeft couet ail in thine owne hand,
and for another let him fmckc or fwim :
Thou that haft bleflmges both by Sea and Land,
Giuen by God, yet neuer thankeft him :
thou that with carefull nights doeft breake thy fleepc ;
to gather wealth, which long thou canft not keepe.
lie Stabbe thee.
Deceit-
Deceitful] Artificers.
A Rtificers, and Crafts-men of all trades,
That deale by craft in felling and in bying : You that with falfhood often times perfwades Men to giue credite to vntrueth and lying : That care not, fo your ware content the eye, Though your owne Father be deceiu'd thereby.
You that proteft to vfe a man moft kind,
And ferue him that, fhall well be worth his mony,
When he that tryes you, mail be fure to finde
The deedes proue Gall, & words containe the Hony.
You that are out-fide goodly proteftations,
But all the in-fide falfe difsimulations.
He Stabbe yee.
D. Wretched
V7"Ou Husband-men that heape & hord vp Corne,
And neuer laugh, but when it waxeth deere: You whom the poore do wifh had nere bin borne, Becaufe you famifh and vndo them heere. You that an Almanacke ftill beare about, To fearch and finde the rainy weather out
You that at plentie euermore repine, And hang your felues for griefe, to fee the fame. You that will weepe when as the Sunne doth fhine, And figh to heare but of faire-weathers name. You that for nothing but deare yeeres do pray, To Gentleman your Sonnes, another day.
He Stabbe yee.
Swag-
YOu Swagg'rer, with your Hat without a band, Your head befhagg'd with nittie lowfie lockes. You that vpon Tabacco vertue ftand, Your only foueraigne Medcine for the Pockes You that weare Bootes, and Ginglers at your heeles, Yet whe you ride, your coatch hath but two wheeles.
You that will meete one by the high-way fide, And fweare Gods woundes, Deliuer me thy purfe. You that for Bawdy houfes do prouide, Though many honeft true men fpeed the worfe. You that will coufen, cheat, robbe, kill, and fteale, Till for your cloathes, Hangman and Broker deale.
He Stabbe yee. D 2. Proude
27
Proud Gentlewomen
V/"Ou Gentle-puppets of the proudeft fize,
That are like Horfes, troubled with the Fafhions, Not caring how you do your felues difguife, In finfull fhameles, Hels abhominations. You whom the Deuill (Prides father) doth perfwade To paint your face, & mende the worke God made.
You with the Hood, the Falling-band, and Ruffe, The Moncky-waft, the breeching like a Beare : The Perriwig, the Maske, the Fanne, the Muffe, The Bodkin, and the Buffard in your heare : You Veluet-cambricke-filken-feather'd toy, That with your pride, do all the world annoy.
He Stabbe yee.
Odious
Odious Quarreler.
YOu Sir, that are fo quarrelous by nature, That you fcorne all men, be they what they will : Tearming each one a cowardly bafe creature, That will not fweare and curfe, ftab, fight, and kill. You that will challenge any to the feelde, Vowing while you can ftand, neuer to yeelde.
You that without any offence at all,
Will fhoulder him you meete vpon the way.
You that (by wounds and blood) will haue the wall,
Eu'en in defpight of him that dare fay nay.
You that inhumane, brutifh, moft vncyuill,
Profeffe your felfe a Champion for the Deuill.
He Stabbe you.
D 3. Dijloyall
Disloyal! Traytor.
FAlfe harted Traytor, bred of ludas kinde, Sent from the Furies, about Helles affayres: That vnto mifchiefe wholy art inclin'd, And neither for thy foule nor body cares : Thou that with Sinon wifheft Troy might burne, To ferue and fit the Deuill, thy Maifters turne.
Thou that doeft plot and pra&ife gainft the ftate, And Gods Annoynted dar'ft with treafon touch. Thou that can' ft to thy Soueraigne be ingrate, Whom thou art dearely bound to honour much : lie fyle no handes vpon thee ; I abhorre thee, But He giue order to the Hangman for-thee.
Filthy
Filthy Pander.
YOu fcuruie fellow, in the Brokers fuite, A Sattin Doublet, fac'd with Greace and Ale, That of the art of Bawdry can'ft difpute, To picke a lyuing from a damn'd Whores tayle. Thou that within thy Table haft fet downe, The names of all the Squirils in the towne.
Thou that can'ft holde a Fanne, and keepe a Dore, And offer any Conftable the ftabbe : Thou that about the ftreetes can'ft walke a Whore, And bring her vnto him that wantes a Drabbe. Thou that art out-fide horned like an Oxe, Thy in-fide all Tabacco, and the Poxe.
He Stabbe thee.
D4.
Leafe-
Leafe-mongers.
~D Ent-rayfing rafcals, you that care not how
You do exa6l vpon the needy wretch, That Hue euen on the poore mans fweating brow, And from his painefull toyle, your ryches fetch : Early and late, his labours all are fpent, To pay a churlifh dogged Naball rent.
You whom the Prophet curfeth with a woe, Houfe-mongers, that on earth would euer dwell: Grinding the poore, as their diftreffes fhoe: And at the price of old Shooes do them fell You that of Earth enough will neuer haue, Till foule in Hell, and body in the graue.
He Stabbe yee.
Adul-
THou filthy fellow of a beaftly life, Pointed both in body, and in minde: That breakeft wedlocke with thy lawfull wife, And think'ft all's well, if thou the world canft blinde. Tut, Death ha's worke enough with other men, Heele come when th'art an old man; God knowes
(when.
Tell thee of Judgement, or of Gods difpleafure, Why, thou wilt anfwere, He hath grace in More : And for Repentance, thou wilt finde fome leafure, When Age will let thee follow Whores no more. Thou that wilt ferue the Deuill with the beft, And turne God to his leauings, and the reft.
He Stabbe thee.
E.
Idle
33
Idle-hufwife.
T7 Ine, neate, and curious miftris Butter flie,
The Idle-toy to pleafe an Idiots eye You that wifh all Good-hufwiues hang'd for why, Your dayes work's done each morning whe you rife Put on your Gowne, your Ruffe, your Masske, your Then dine & fup, & go to bed againe. (Chaine
You that will call your Husband Gull & Clowne,
If he refufe to let you haue your will :
You that will poute and lowere, and fret and frowne
Vnleffe his purfe be lauifh open ftilL
You that will haue it, get it how he can,
Or he (hall weare a Vulcans brow, poore man.
He Stabbe thee.
Prodigall
34
Prodigall Gallant.
'VT'Ou Sir that haue your purfe cram'd full of crownes
The liuely picture of the Prodigall : (woundes
That haue your mouth furnifh'd with blood and And come in Whores, Wine, Fidlers : you'le pay all. You that are like the Dwarf e in Athens, right, Who in fiue dayes, fpent's Patrimony quite.
You that are churched once in feuen yeere, But in a Tauerne you could liue and die : You that haue your loy in Belly-cheere, In Dice, in Dauncing, and in Venerie. You that for pennance of your paffed fmne, In Woodftreete, or the Poultry, meane to Inne.
He Stabbe thee. E2.
Gluttone
35
u goodman Glutton, bellyed like a Butt, Fac'd like the North-windes-picture in a Map: Thou with the neuer fatisfied gutt, Whofe life is eate, and drinke, and take a nap. Thou that if Wolner were aliue againe, Would'ft eate more at a meale, then he in twaine.
Thou moft vnhealthy lothfome rauenous beaft, That tak'ft delight in nothing but excefle : And haft a nofe to fmell out any Feaft : A brazen face to ceaze on euery mefle, That vndertakeft nothing with good-will, Vnlefle it be thy Pudding-houfe to fill.
He Stabbe thee.
Sooth-
Sooth-fay
Figure
'V/'Ou Cunning man, or rather co'fning Knaue, That will tell good-man Ninney of his Mare : Cyjley, how many Husbandes fhe fhall haue, Tom Carter, when the weather will be faire : My neighbour Pawling, who hath found his Purfe, And lone his wife, who did her Chickens curfe.
Whether a man fhall haue a happy life, Whether a Louer fhall his Loue enioy : Who fhall die firft, the husband or the wife? Whether the childe vnborne, be girle or boy? You that can fetch home Seruantes runne away, And finde out any Cattle gone aftray.
He Stabbe yee.
37
My fine Dauncer.
T_T Eigh, w'on turne more, let's fee this Galliard out,
I promife you the fellow doth it well : How nimbly at his trade he turnes about, At hopping vp and downe he doth excell : Well, let him daunce it out, and when tis done, A daunce twixt him and Death muft be begun.
You nimble skipiacke, turning on the toe, As though you had Gun-pouder in your tayle : You that do leape about and caper foe, Efteeming our old Country Daunces ftale. You that do Hue by fhaking of the heele, By hopping, and by turning like a wheele.
He Stabbe yee.
leffery
leffery Make-shift.
O Hifter, that Hues without a lawfull calling,
And onely bafeneffe with your humor fittes, That cares not in what myfchefe you are falling, But make an occupation of your wittes : You that haue alwayes cheating Dice in ftore, With, Comefweete Fiue> I holde yee fixe to foure.
You that can cunningly in Cookes fhops brawle, And fhew your felfe in Chollers mighty heate : while your Confort fteales Victuals from the ftall, To finde your poore and needy ftomacke meate. You that for all your diet with your Hoaft, Do fet your hand in Chalke vnto his Poaft.
He Stabbe you. E 4. Spende
39
Spend-thriftes,
and ill Husbandes.
YOu carelefie wretches of the waftfull vaine, That for your Families will not prouide : But liue in Idleneffe, and take no paine, Spending your owne, and other mens befide : That wife and children vtterly neglect, And to your feruantes neuer haue refpect.
You that do wifh them hang'd, will purchafe landes, Tearming him that fpares Mony, worfe then madde : You that commit your Stocke to Vitlers handes, With Tufh, a merry Hart outliues a fadde. You that are a good fellow to your friende, Druncke from the weekes beginning to the ende.
He Stabbe yee.
Haue
40
(Haue at you all toftabbe and kill, ) ( There fiies my Dart, light where it will, j
HEe that will take no warning, let him chufe, Few wordes my maifters, I intende to vfe : My deede and word, togither alwayes goe, I loue plaine dealing, you fhall finde it fo. The Stabbe I promife, and the Stabbe lie pay, Your Hartes fhall haue it, on their dying day. But thinke that day is very long to come, And you fhall Hue more yeeres then other fome : Thinke though your friend es and kindred dayly die, You fhall efcape, your turne is nothing nie : Put my remembrance farre out of your minde, For wicked men no hope in Death can finde : They thinke vpon me with a cruell feare, They quake, and tremble, when my name they heare. I bring but heauie newes, their foules to greeue, Yet till I come, they will it not beleeue.
F.
Hee
Hee that hath health and eafe, with gould ftor'd flill,
And nere in's life did good, nor neuer will,
Tell him of Death, of ludgement, and the Graue,
And what reward in Hell, the wicked haue;
That very fhortly he fliall not be heere, (cheere,
That with his flefh the Wormes fhall make good-
That other men his hoarded goodes fhall fhare,
That hence he muft depart, poore, naked, bare:
That earth's delightes fhall be of no efteeme,
That all the world cannot a Soule redeeme :
That Diucs begg's for drops, where torments dwell,
That there's no comfort to be had in Hel.
That they which haue done good, to Heau'n fhall go
That they which haue done ill, to endles wo.
His blockifh Settees, worldes conceites fo fmother,
It enters one eare, and goes out at tother.
Therefore let him that will hold on his courfe,
Goe on in euill, and be worfe and worfe:
Tis nothing vnto mee, if heele not mende,
He Stabbe him for the Deuill, there's an ende.
Drinke and be merry as good fellowes do,
And
And if you pleafe you may be drunken to.
Caroufe your drunkardes health's from day to day,
Till I, and Sickneffe, take your health away.
Sweare and blafpheme Gods facred holy name,
And take delight in doing of the fame.
Thunder out Oathes, fuch as in Hell are bred,
Vntill I teare thy tongue out of thy head.
Beare thy felfe proude as loftie as thou can,
Difpife the poore, difdaine an humble man,
Boafl of thy ftore of wealth, thy worldly wit,
lie turne thy flelh and bones to rot for it.
Mallice thy neighbour, caufe thou fee'ft him thriue,
And for to get away his lyuing, ftriue.
Vndoe him if thou can'ft, and for that fmne,
He leaue thee but a Clout to wrap thee in.
Rayfe Rentes apace, builde Houfes, purchafe Landes,
Be alwayes raking with Opprefsins handes.
Thinke all is lawfull purchafe, thou can'ft catch
from thy diftreffed friendles needy wretch.
Buye thy poore neighbours Houfe ouer his head,
Turne him and's children out to begge their bread.
F2.
Deale
43
Deale cruelly with thofe are in thy debt, And let them at thy handes no fauour get. Send them to Prifon; there in all diftreffe, To tafte the mercie of the mercilefle. He fhackle thee, for ftirring handes or feete Within a Coffin and a Winding-fheete. Say to thy felfe, as once the Churle did fay, (Whofe foule the Deuill fetch'd that night away) For many yeeres, much goodes thou haft in ftore, Eate, drinke, be merry ; take delight therefore : Exclude all Pittie, Confcience, and Remorce. Get Goodes it skils not how, by fraude or force. He come vpon thee, when thou thinkeft leaft, And thou fhalt die, as thou did'ft Hue, a Beaft. Diflemble cunning, do it with a grace: Giue all kind wordes before thy neighbours face. Proteft thy kindneffe he fhall neuer lacke: Yet hang him (if thou can'ft) behind his backe. Flatter, and fawne : with falfhood pray vpon him : Beftow the courtecie of ludas on-him : Of all thy villany I keepe a fcore,
Ere
44
Ere long thou fhalt deceiue the world no more.
Be a Time-feruer; liue as others doo:
With fome prophane, with fome religious too:
Yet howfoeuer thou haft done, or fpoke,
Let thy Religion ferue but as a cloke. (flowes,
Thinke th'art a man from whom much wifedome
If thou can'ft blinde the eyes of men with fhowes.
To get thy felfe Gods curfe, with worldlings prayfe,
Why, t'is a finne moft common now adayes.
Looke to it Wretch, as fure as Death ; fo fure,
An euerlafting Hell, thou malt endure.
Striue and contende, reuenge the leaft offence :
Threaten by Law: vrge to extreame expence.
Spende many a pound, in quarrell of a penny,
And be it right or wrong, yeeld not to any.
Let no man haue the ending of thy caufe,
But onely Lawyers ; try it by the Lawes.
He Stabbe thee foole; there's no Atturnyes fee
Can finde out Law to be reueng'd on mee.
Builde fumtuous Houfes, tytle them thine owne:
Make wrong pay-maifter for the wood and ftone.
F3-
Let
45
Let thy Wiues pride, be all thy Tennants woe, Becaufe the Deuill and fhee, will haue it fo. Hood-her, and Mask-her; Fanne her with a Feather: Let Vanitie and Lightnefle, go together. Vpon the pleafure of thy Hawkes and Houndes Wafte it away mod prodigall, by poundes. Be bountifull in fpending on a Whore, And myferable to relieue the poore. Feafte euery day, as once the Glutton did, And none but Gluttons to thy Banquets bid. Receiue thy foode, as Beaftes do feede on Grafle. Sit downe like th'Oxe, and rife as doth the AfTe, Steale Gods good guiftes, and neuer vfe his name, Vnlefle in fwearing, to abufe the fame. Liue as thou lift : but for thy time fo fpent, By me to Judgement, hence thou fhalt be fent. And this refolue, howeuer Sinne doth dlind-thee, Eu'en as Death leaues thee, fo fhal ludgement find-thee
FINIS.
Deathes Epitaph,
vpon euery mans Graue.
BEhold theftate of all the Sonne of Men, That Hue to die, and die they know not when: How Flower like they wither and decay ; How foone Deaths Sith doth mow them downe like Hay. How vaine a thing of all thinges els, is Man, How Jhort his life is meafur'd out afpan: How he is borne with teares, brought vp in paine, And how withjighes, he leaues the world againe.
FINIS.
S. R.
47
HELL'S
BROKE
LOOSE.
LONDON Printed by W. W. and are to be
fold by G. Loftus in Popes-head Allie neare the Exchange. /
1605.
An Aduertifement
to the wife and difcreete
REader; hee that in difcription of a wic ked man, doth perfonate him, is to fpeake as that wicked man, not befee- ming a good man; or elfe he can not aptly deliuer him in his kinde, fo odious as hee is : In refpedl whereof, let not any fpeach herein be mifconflrued, which is onely fet downe as fpoken by the rebellious Heretiques, the more truely to explaine them as notorious as they were. Vale.
TO THE READER.
N this vn-weeded Garden of the World, Jiathfprung vp through alagcs of the fame, moft innumerable cuen of all forted kindcs, that haue been oppo- fite to Vertue, and ptirf tiers of Vice; Such as haue with great trauell and labotir taken paynes to goe to Hell, and runne the broade way path with Hindes feete, in all poajling fpeede that the Diuell could employ them. Amongft the reft of tliis fearefull race runners (of their variable qualities) here is a dcfcription of the moft notorious Rebels and Herctiques of Europe, certaine Germane Anabaptiftcs , fuch as would haue all things common, and all men at free will and libertie to do what they lift, without controivle of any Authoritie: cuery mans Will Law; and euery ones Dreame Doctrine.
Before the camming' of our Sauiour Chrift ; Theudas, and ludas Galilaeus, two feditious fcllowes of factious fpirit,f edu ced the lewes : Thefirft of them faying, that hee was a Prophet fent from God for mans good; and that by his owne poiverftill ivord, hee could deuide the waters of Jordan in as admirable
fort,
2'
To the Reader.
fort, as lofhua tlicfcrnant of the Lord had done. The other, did carnejlly promifc to enlarge tJic Icwcs from the fcruitudc and yoke of tJic Romans : both of them by theft: meancs, dra wing after them great multitudes of people; and botJt of them comming vnto dcfcrucd dejlruclion: For Fatus the Goucr- nour of lury oucrtookc Theudas, and fent Jiis head as a mo nument to lerufalem: and ludas likeivife pcriJJicd, and all his following confederates were difpcrfcd.
After our Sauiour Chrift, in the time of his blefsed Apo- Jiles, Elimas the Sorcerer mightely withjlood the proceeding of Paule & Barnabas, fowing the feed of Herefie in the mindc of Sergius Paulus Dcputie: but the iudgcmcnt of God oucr tookc him, and he wasjlruckcn with blindnejfe. Not long after him, in the raigne of Adrian the Empcrour, arofc an other cal led Bencochab, that prof cjfcd himfclfe to be the Mefsias, & to Jiauc defcendcd from Heaucn in the likcnes of a Starre,fortJic fafctic & redemption of the people: by whicJi fallacic, he dreiv after him a world of f editions people; but at laft, Jicc and many of his credulous route wcrcjlainc, and was called by the I ewes (in contempt) Bencozba (that is) the Sonne of a lie.
Manes, of whom the Maniches tookc their name and fir/1 originally forged in his fooliJJi brain c a fiction of two Gods,
and
To the Reader.
and two beginners; and retelling the old Teftament, and ttie true God, which is rcuealed in the fame; publi/Jied a fift Gof- pell of his owne forgerie, reporting himfelfe to be the Holy Ghoft : When he had thus with diuulging his diuelijh Here- Jles and Blafphemics infected the world, being purfued by Gods iuft iudgement, hee was for other ivickcd practises taken, and his skinne pulled ouer his eares aliue.
Montanus that notorious blafphemous wretch, of whom the Montanifts tooke their ofspring, denyed Chrift our Sa- iiiour to be GOD, faying: Hee was but Man onely, like other men, without any participation of Diuine efsence: Hee called himfelfe the Comforter, and Holy fpirit, which was pro- mifed to come into the world; and his two Wiues Prifcilla and Maximilla, he named his Propheteffes, arid their writings Prophejies: yet all their cunning- could not preuent nor fore tell a wretched and defperatc end which befell him; for after he had of long time deluded the world, in imitation of ludas, hee hanged himfelfe.
Infinite are the examples that may be collected out of the regijlers of foregone ages, touching' the lamentable euilles, Jlaughters, blood, and death, that haue enfited from the dam nable heriticall Inftnmients of the Diuell; and JMV the peo~
A. pie
To the Reader.
pie (affcfting Noucltics, and Innouations) ham concurred from time to time, with the plotters endcuours, Hi/lories are full of their memories. Moft Rebellions do pretende Religion for them fellies: No Villainc but dare turnc a good outfide to the eye, though the infide be as bad, as heart can imagine.
Thefe infamous Rebels and Heretiques in Germanic, pretended Religion; they 'would be Reformers of the Church, and State: new Doflrine of their owne franticke conceites: no Childred JJiould be Baptized: all thinges Jhould be com mon, & no Magi/Irate to goucrne, but euery man at Jus owne libertie to doc what he lift; take whatfocuer heftood in need of, without pay: pluralitie of Wiucs: no recouerie of wrong full dctayned Goodes, and fuch like villanous roguifli fttiffe, that ncuer a Theefe in the world would refufe to fubfcribc vnto it.
This ^vas no fooncr taught by lohn Leyden, alias Yoncker Hans a Dutch Taylor, Tom Mynter a pari/Ji Clarke, Knip- perdulling a Smyth, and Crafteing a loyner; but it was im- braced by thoufandcs of the Boorcs, and vulgar illiterate Clowncs, who in great companies dayly rcforted vnto them foorth of all Townes and Villages: A moft rude rafcall com- panie that regarded neither Gods fear e, nor mans fauour, cuen HELLE BROKE LOOSE.
In
To the Reader.
In their outragious madncs, they attempted much villanie, omitting to put nothing in practize that flood with their hu mours lyking; as good Commons Wealths men, as lacke Straw, Watt Tyler, Tom Myller, lohn Ball, &c. in the raignc of Richard the 2. and as found Diuines for Doctrine, as Rackets Difciples; that preached in Cheapefide in a Pcafe-cart: Yet they found of their owne fraternitie to man- nage the Diuels affayres; and muflering thcmfelues togcather, all compofed of the fcumbe and wafle worfer-fort could be ra- ken vp, they proceeded fo farre, that they tooke the Towne of Munfter, and there for a time, domineerd as if they had been Electors apeece to the Emperour; vntill beeing beleagerd by the Duke of Saxon, they were taught to tafle how Extremitie did fauour, finding the bitterneffe of their raJJi and gracelejfe attcmptes, to puni/Ji them moflfeueerely in the end: For when Cattes, Dogges, Rattes and Myce, grew fcarcc and daintic, (No common di/Jt, but choycc dyet for lohn Leyden, and the Lordes of his counfaile Knipperdulling the Smyth, Crafteing the loyner, and Tom Mynter the Clarke;) They were con- flrayncd to frie old grcajie Buffe leather lerkins, and Parch ments, Coouers of Bookes, Bootes in Stcakes, and Stcw-pottes of old Shoes, till in the end being famiflied as leane as dryed
A 2. Stock-
To the Reader.
Stock-fifli, they wcrcfubducd: and Leydcn (who Jiad tcarmcd himfclfe King of Munfter) with Jiis Nobles, made of Smyth, loyner, and Parifh-Clarke, were according to the iujt re ward of all Rebels, put to death, with great torture: and be ing dead, their bodyes were hangd in Iron Cages I'pon the toppe of the high Steeple in Munfter called S. Lamberts Steeple, for an example to all of Rcbcll race: Their Confede rates in great multitudes hauing pcriJJicd with the Sword and famine, may togeather with all Tray tors witncjfc to the ivorld throughout all enfuing ages, how GOD with vengeance re- wardes allfuch State-dijtitrbcrs, and factious Rebels.
THE GHOST OF
IACKE STRAW.
Prologue.
I That did act on Smythfeildes bloodie Stage, Infecond Richards young and tender age: And there recei'ud from Walworths fatall hand, The ftabb of Death, which life did countermand : Am made a Prulogue to the Tragedie, QfLEYDEN, a Dutch Taylors villanie. Not that I ere conforted with that flaue, My rafcall rout in Hottenfhed you haue : But that in name, and nature wee agree, An Englijh Traytor I, Dutch Rebell hee. In my Confort, I had the Prieft lohn Ball; Mynter the Clarke, vnto his fhare did fall. Hee, to haue all things common did intend : And my Rebellion, was to fuch an end. Euen in a word, wee both were like apoynted,
A 3-
To
PROLOGVE.
To take the Sword away from Gods Anoynted : And for examples to the worlds laft day, Our Traytours names (hall neuer weare away: The fearefull Path's that hee and I haue trod, Haue bin accurfed in the fight of God. Heere in this Regifter, who ere doth looke, (Which may be rightly call'd The bloody Booke) Shall fee how bafe and rude thofe Villains bee, That do attempt like LE YDEN; plot like mee. And how the Diu'll in whofe name they begon, Payes them Hells wages, when their worke is don: " Treafon is bloodie; blood thereon attends: " Traytors are bloodie, and haue bloodie ends.
FINIS.
10
THE ARGVMENT.
FRom darke Damnations vault, where Horrours dwell, Inf email Furies, forth the lake of Hell Ariu'd on earth, and with their damned euils Filtd the whole world full of Incarnat D euils: For all thejinnes that Hells vaftgulfe containes, In euery age, and euery kingdome raignes: Murder, and Treafon, Falfe dijloy all plots, Sedition, Herejie, and roguijh knots: Oftraytrous Rebels; Some of highejl place, Andfome of meanejl fort, moft rafcall bace: Of which degree, behold a curfed crue, Such as Hells-mouth into the World didfpue: IOHN LE YDEN, but a Taylor by his trade, Of Munfter towne a King would needes be made: A Parrifh Clarke, a loyner, and a Smyth, His Nobles were, whom hee tooke counf ell with: To thefe adioyned thoufands, Boores and Clownes, Out of the Villages, and Germane Townes: Whereof great lojfe of blood greeuous enfew'd, Before that Campe 0/"Hell could befubdewd.
S. R.
THE LIFE AND DEATH
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
WHen nights blacke mantle ouer th'earth was laide, And Cinthias face all curtaine-drawne with clouds : When vifions do appeare in darkfome fhade, And nights fweet reft, dayes care in quiet fhrowds; About the hower of twelue in dead of night, A mangled Corfe appeared to my fight.
Skin torne, Flefh wounded, vgly to behold : A totterd Body peece-meale pull'd in funder: Harken (quoth hee) to that which fhall be told, And looke not thus amaz'd with feare and wonder: Though I am all beftabbed, flafh'd, and torne, I am not Ccefar, him, an's ghoft I fcorne.
Icke bin Hans Ley den; vnderftandft thou Dutch? IOHN LE YDEN King of Munjler, I am hee, That haue in Germanie bin feard as much, As any C<zfar in the world could bee : From the firft houre that I armes did take, I made the Germaine Gallants feare and quake.
B. By
THE LIFE AND DEATH
By facultie at firft, I was a Taylour, But all my minde was Kingly eue'ry thought : For e'en with Cerberus, Hels dogged laylour, A combat hand to hand I durft haue fought : Then with my trade, what's hee that hath to doo ? Old Father Adam was a Tayloitr too:
Hee made him Fig leaue Breeches at his fall,
And of that ftufife his Wife a Kirtle wore :
Then let both Needle, Threed, my Sheares and all,
Keepe with the trade ; a Noble minde I bore :
And let this Title witnes my renowne,
IOHN LEYDEN Taylour, King of Munjler towne.
My Councellers were thefe, a valiant Smyth, As tall a man as euer ftrooke a heate, Call'd Knipperdulling'y wondrous full of pith: Crafting the loyner, one of courage great : Tom Mynter, a madd Rogue, our Parrifh Clarke, Whofe doctrine wee with diligence did marke.
Hee
OF IOHN LEYDEN,
Hee taught on topp of Mole-hill, Bufh, and Tree, The Traytors text in England; Parfon Ball Affirming wee ought Kings apeece to bee, And euery thing be common vnto all : For when old Adam delu'd, and Euah fpan, Where was my filken veluet Gentleman?
Wee Adams Sonnes; Hee Monarch of the Earth, How can wee chufe but be of Royall blood? Beeing all defcended from fo high a birth? Why fhould not wee fhare wealth, and worldly good? Turn Maifters (quoth Tom Mynter) reafon binds it, Hee that lacks Mony, take it where he finds it.
Why, is not euery thing Gods guift, we haue? Doe Beaftes and Cattell buy the Graffe they eate? Shall that be fould, which Nature freely gaue? Why fhould a Man pay Mony for his Meate, Or buy his Drinke, that parboyld Beere and Ale, The Fyfhes broth, which Brewers do retayle?
B2.
Pray
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Pray who is Landlord to the Lyons den? Or who payes Houfe-rent for the Foxes hole ? Shall Beaftes enioy more priuiledge then Men? May they feed dayly vpon that is ftole, Eating and drinking freely Natures ftore, Yet pay for nought they take, nor goe on fcore?
Do not the Fowles (hare fellow like together, And freely take their foode eu'en where they pleafe, A whole yeeres dyet coftes them not a Fether? And likewife all the Fyfhes in the Seas, Do they not franckly feed on that they get, And for their victu'als are in no mans debt ?
And fliall Man, being Lord of all the reft,
(Vnto whofe feruice thefe were all ordayned)
Of meate, nor drinke, nor clothing, be poffeft,
Vnleffe the fame by Mony be obtayned?
Pay Houfe-rent, buy his foode, and all his clothing,
When other Creatures haue good cheare for nothing?
Wee'le
16
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
Wee'le none of that (quoth I, to my conforts.) No (quoth Tom Mynter) frends, it ought not bee : Come Libertie, and Wealth, and Princely f ports : Why, Kings are made of Clay; and fo are wee: Wee'le ayme our thoughts on high, at Honors marke : All rowly, powly; Tayler, Smyth, and Clarke.
Wee are the men will make our Valours knowne,
To teach this doting world new reformation :
New Lawes, and new Religion of our owne,
To bring our felues in wondrous admiration:
Let's turne the world cleane vpfide downe, (mad flaues)
So to be talk'd of, when w'are in our Graues.
Braue Knipperdulling, fet thy Forge on fire. It fhall be done this prefent night (quoth hee,) Tom My nter, leaue Amen vnto the Quier. Quoth Tom, I fcorne hencefoorth a Clarke to bee, Cornellis, hang thy woodden loyners trade, For Noble-men apeece you fhall be made.
And
THE LIFE AND DEATH
And fellow mates; Nobles and Gallants all, To Maieftie you muft your mindes difpofe : My Lord Hans Hogg, forfake your Butchers ftall. Hendrick the Botcher, ceafe from heeling Hofe. Claffe Chaundler, let your Weick and Tallow lye, And Pectcr Cobler, caft your old Shooes by.
For you my valiant Lords, are men of witt, And farre too good for bafe and feruile trades, Your Martiall power may be compared fitt, Vnto the flrength of our ftrong Germane lades : Who if they had but knowledge to their force, What whittling Car-man could commaund his Horfe?
Your guifts are rare, and fmgular to finde, Beeing full of courage, refolute, and wife: Yet to behold thefe parts you haue bin blinde. Oh could you fee your Valour with mine eyes, You would exclame that Ignoraunce fo long, Hath done fo worthy Men, fuch open wrong.
But
IS
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
But now my Lyon-harted Caualiers,
Let vs march after war-like Mars his Drome,
Your Prentifhips are out of fubiect yeeres;
Now let vs fliow the Houfes whence wee come :
For wondrous matters there are to be done,
Crownes muft be conquerd, Kingdoms muft be wonne.
Tom Mynter, goe and preach vnto the Boores All Libertie, all Freedome, Eafe, and Wealth: And if they will, alow them Queanes and Whores : Bid them Drinke free, and pledge Good-fellows health : Say Goods are common, each man to fuffize, The Rich-mans purfe, is Poore-mans lawfull prize.
Tell them, they need not ftand on honeft dealing, To borrow Mony, and to pay againe: And thofe that haue occafion to be ftealing, May take a Purfe, if need do fo conftraine: Poore Men muft haue it : Gentlemen muft Hue : Good-fellowes cannot ftay till Mifers giue.
B 4. Ther's
THE LIFE AND DEATH
There's none of vs (my Maifters) but may want, Our Purfes may haue emptie ftomackes all, But he lhall finde his dyet to be fcant, Whofe credit's fcord vpon an Ale-houfe wall, I owe a debt my felfe onely for Beere, Amounts to more then I haue earnd this yeere.
And let me come to a bafe Tapfters houfe, Where I but owe fome twentie doofen of Beere, The rafcall will not giue me one carowfe, But tels me ftraight how eu'ery thing is deere : Tis a hard world, the Brewer muft be pay'd : Thus on my emptie Purfe the Villaine play'd.
This is his ftate, whofe Purfe is lyned thin, And goes on truft, beholding for his fhot, With, By your leaue, hee muft come creeping in : I pray you Brother, let vs haue a Pot, How does all heere? pray is mine Hoftes well? Curfle not your debters: How doeft honeft Nell.
This
20
OF IOHN LEYDEN
This lhaking humor, I do much deleft,
Which emptie Purfes do inm'61 on fome :
I can not be beholden, I proteft,
Mony muft make mee welcome where I come :
If Siluer in my Pockets do not ring,
All's out of tune with mee in eu'ry thing.
What extreame griefe doth Monyes want procure? How madd and franticke doth it make the minde ? Againe, how chearefully can Mony cure? When Phificke comes in Gold, and Siluer's kinde, To thinke on this, what's hee, that would not craue it, And fight himfelfe out of his skin to haue it?
Thus my braue Caualiers, you plainely fee, Vpon what golden ground wee fet our foote, Courage Dutch bloods, I fay couragious bee, Wee will haue Wealth, and Libertie to boote : Let vs goe forward as we haue begone. And wee'le make bloody fport before ti's done.
C.
lohn
IOHN LEYDEN, TOM MINTER,
KNIPPERDVLLING, and their
confortes; the fir ft inuentors of the
Dreames and Dotages of the
hcriticall Andbaptifts
in Germanic.
THere neuer was fo odious a pretence, Nor any Act fo wicked and fo vile, But fome would take vpon them a defence To colour it; the eafier to beguile The fimple fort, which haue vnftayed mindes, Whofe haftie ludgment Errour eafly blindes.
So thefe leawd wretches, fprung from Villain race,
That had all Pietie in deteftation :
A Rafcall fort, that were eu'en fpent of Grace,
Would take on them Religions reformation :
And in the fore-front of their villanie,
Tom Myntcr vtters new fond Herezie.
C 2.
Deare
23
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Dcare Friends (quoth he) that wee may haue fuccefie,
In this our honorable enterprife :
Which you fhall fee the very heau'ens will blefle,
If from a Chriftian zeale it do arife,
Let's mende the Church in matters are amiffe,
Efpecially in one thing; which is this,
Chrift gaue commifsion to the twelue, faying : Into all Nations \ Preach, and there Baptize. So that you fee the very wordes doe fhowe, And from the fubftaunce of them doth arife, Wee firfl muft be of yeeres to vnderftand, Before wee take that Sacrament in hand.
Goc
Therefore wee'le haue no Babes to be Baptized, Vntill thy come to yeeres of ripe difcretion, That of the Fayth they may be firft aduifed And yeeld the world accompt of their profefsion : For you may fee, vnleffe your fight be blinde, Belief c is firft, and Baptifmc comes behinde.
And
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
And yet (my Maiftars) you may dayly fee, In any Country where fo ere you come, Such ftore of little Children chriftned bee : T'is infinite for one to count the fumme: But let vs take another courfe, I pray; Thofe forward Sucklings fhall hereafter ftay.
What fay you to it? are you all agree'd,
That this fame do6lrine fhall be our chiefe ground ?
It fhall (fayd Leydcii) and I haue decreed,
That it be helde for holfome, good, and found :
And for example I haue thought it beft,
To be new Chriftned heere, before the reft.
Let's haue a Bafon, and fome Water ftraight, With all the prefent fpeed it may be brought : For I perceiue this matter is of waight, My Chrift'ning when I was a Child, is nought : Surely I thinke I am no Chriftian yet, A Booke good honeft Myntcr quickly get.
Well
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Well fayd, ar't readie? Shall wee need God-father?
Yes: take you Harman Crommc, or any other:
I hauc a minde to Knipperdnlling rather:
And Tannckin may ferue to be God-mother,
Or Knipperdulling ioyn'd with Harmon Cromme :
Let it be fo: fome water; quickly come.
Thus on they goe, with errours foule defil'd,
In rude prophaning Holy ordinaunce:
And Myntcr asketh, Who doth name the Child ?
Call him (quoth Knipperdulling) Yoncker Hans,
His noble minde, and nature do agree,
And therefore hee a Yoncker Hans fliall be.
Now (quoth Tom Mynter) let mee make a motion, To which I do befeech you all incline : Let euery man that's heere, with one deuotion, Come follow mee to drinke fome Rennifh wine; Our inward loue, let outward deedes reueale it, And to the Tauerne let vs goe and feale it.
The
The Rebels doyly increajing in great multitudes of the rude Boores, and illiterate Clownes, propounded vnto themfelues diners monjlrons abfurditics, confir med by their Captaines Yoncker, Hans, and Knipperdulling : 'which by them are Intituled Tivelue Articles of Chrijlian Libcrtie.
WHat is it from the Cocatrice doth paffe, But fuch a natur'd Serpent as him felfe ? What fees an Ape within a Looking-glaffe, But a deformed, and ill fauour'd elfe? What Good fruite commeth from an euill tree? Or how fhould Villains ought but Villains bee?
Like defper'at mad-men, voyde of Reafons vfe,
They run to any outrage can be thought :
And Libertie is made the Rebels fcufe,
Which now by Dreames and Fancies fo hath wrought,
That Yoncker Hans vnto his rable rout,
Twelue Articles of Libertie giues out.
And
THE LIFE AND DEATH
And firft fets downe: They need not (land in feare
Of Magiftrate or Ruler, for offence :
But they themfelues might caufes freely hcare,
And fo end matters; fauing much expence
Of Coyne in Fees, which vnto Lawyers fall :
For wee'le (quoth Yonkcr Hans) be Lawyers all.
If that a wrong to any man be done, Let him repaire to mee, and my two Lords, Wee'le end the ftrife fo foone as ti's begone : For halfe a doozcn of Beere, in quiet words, And make them drinke together, and be friends, Shake hands, and like good fellowes make amends.
Next, if a man's difpofed for to ride, And hath no Horfe, nor doth intend to hire, Hee may take one vpon the high-way fide, To ferue, as his occafion doth require, All-wayes prouided, when his lournye's don, Hee is to turne him loofe, and let him run.
Alfo,
28
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
Alfo, if any Woman chaunce to marrie, And that her Husband prooue not to her minde, Shee fhall be at her choyce with him to tarrie, Or take an other whom fhe knowes more kinde : Wee thinke it meete no Woman fhould be bound, To him in whom no kindnes can be found.
For if fhee match for Wit, and hee turne Clowne, Or any way her bargaine prooueth ill, Shee may flay with him till her wedding Gowne Be worne, and then be at her owne free-will, To take another, and exchange the Lout : This Law of our's, fhall ferue to beare her out.
Yea, further (which fhould haue bin fayd before) That man which hath not Wife enough of one, Why, let him (if he pleafe) take halfe a fcore : Wee'le be his warrant, for to builde vpon : Wee in our wifedomes do alow it fo, For good found reafons that wee haue to fhow.
D.
For
THE LIFE AND DEATH
For fay, you mcete with fuch, as moft men do, Of this fame proud, and idle hufwife brood, Shrewifh, and toyifh ; foolifh, queanifli to : Full of bad faults, and nere an inch that's good : What fhould men do with fuch vngratious wiues? Turnc them to graffe, and fo liuc quiet Hues.
Befides, Tenants fhall need to pay no rent,
The Earth's the Lord's, and all that is therein:
Land-lords may hang them-felues with one confent ;
And if they pleafe, next Quarter day begin :
Wee will not be indebted vnto any,
But be Free-holders, paying not a penny.
AirBonds and Bils, fhall be of no effect: And hee that will not pay his Debt, may chufe : This Hand, and Scale, no man fhall need refpect: Day of the month ; and toyes that Scriueners vfe : Sheepe-skins, and Waxe, fhall now no more preuayle, To bring a man into the dolefull layle.
All
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
All Prifons fhall be prefently pul'd downe, For wee will haue good Fellowes walke at large: A paire of Stocks fhall not appeare in Towne: This in our names, wee very flraightly charge : What reafon is it when the hands haue ftole, To put the Legs into a wodden hole ?
No man fhall need obay any Areft,
Let th' action be what t'will, trefpaffe or debt :
All Surety-fhip, fhall be an idle ieft:
No Creditor thereby fhall vantage get:
All Beafts and Cattell, Oxen, Sheepe, and Kine,
Shall be his that will haue them : yours, and mine.
All Forrefts, Parks, and Chafes, fhall be free
For each man that delighteth in the game :
Orchards and Gardens likewife common bee :
All Fruites and Hearbs, let him that will come clayme:
And euery thing that any man fhall need,
According to his will, let him proceed.
D2.
Who
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Who will not draw his weapon in this caufe, And fight it out, as long as he can ftand ? Which of you all will difalow thefe Lawes, And will deny our Articles his hand ? Then all cry'd out, This Doctrine wee'le defende, And Hues a peece about it wee will fpende.
Our Will's our Law; our Swordes the fame fhall pen, What wee decree, let's fee who dare refift? Wee care not for the Lawes of other men, But will without controule do what wee lift: Wee are growne ftrong; and wee are very wife, My honeft Gentlemen, let this fuffize.
With courage now let vs our felues addrefle, Attempting on the fodaine Munjler Towne : Let euery one be in a readines, Kind Fortune fmyles: regard not who doth frowne: At euery Church wee'le hang a Tauerne figne, And wafli our Horfes feete in Rennifh-wine.
The
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
The Rebels in a furious refolution, enter the Townc of
Munfter: ivhere with infolent proude audatious
Spirits, they inflict moft iniurious wrongcs
vpon the inhabitants, taking greatcft
glorie in acting villanie.
With defp'rat Refolution, mad-braine heat, Mtmfter they enter like to fauage Beares : The Cittizens no fauour could entreat, For all their goods are common, Leyden fweares •• Catch that catch may; hee bids his Souldiers fhare, Deuide the fpoyle, and take no further care.
Freely fupply your wants, who euer lackes : Chearely my harts ; eate, drinke, and domineere, Ryfell the rich and wealthy Marchants packes : Make all things cheape that heeretofore were deere : And where you finde an Vfurer, be bold To cut his throat, and take away his gold.
D 3. Adorne
•33
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Adornc your felues in princely brauc attire,
Put downc with State the Emperours of Roome:
And glue the foolifh world caufe to admire,
And fay, wee pafle, each bafe and common Groomc :
Though fomc of you (my Lords) came from the Plow,
Wee'le make them ftoope, that haue difdaind to bow.
Hauc you not heard that Scythian Tamberlaine Was card a Sheepheard ere he play'd the King? Firft oucr Cattell hee began his raigne, Then Countries in fubie&ion hee did bring: And Fortunes fauours fo mayntain'd his fide, Kings were his Coach-horfe, when he pleaf'd to ride.
Do you not fee our valorous fuccefle, How eafily wee haue attayn'd this Towne? What thinke you then in time wee fhall poflefle, When Greatnes comes to backe vs with renowne? Why fure I thinke our fhares will fo increafe, That wee fhall let out Kingdomes by the leafe.
Fill
OF IOHN LEYDEN
Fill Bowles of Wine, and let vs drinke a health : Carowfe in Glaffes that are fiue foote deepe : You worthy members of the Common-wealth, Munjler is ours, and Munfter wee will keepe : Boone-fier the ftreets ; fet Bells a worke to ring For ioy a Taylour is become a King.
Bring foorth all Pris'ners prefently to mee, And let the Magistrates fupply their place; Prifons for true-men now fhall only bee : Braue Theeues, with many fauours wee will grace, Such men as they, with courage do proceed, And of their feruice wee fhall ftand in need.
For Theeues (you know) of feare make no account,
They'le hazard hanging, for a little gaine:
And though vnto the Gallowes top they mount,
Both Halter and the Hang-man they disdaine,
How many die at Tyburne in a yeere ?
Would make vs gallant Souldiers, were they heere.
D4.
He
35
THE LIFE AND DEATH
He tell yee Maifters, I haue knowne men die, That haue out-brau'd the Hang-man to his face : Such as would giue an Empcrour the lie, And valiant take a Purfe in any place, Bid a man ftand vpon the hige-way fide, When he hath had exceeding hafte to ride.
As full of courage as their skins could hold, Spending as franckly as they freely got : Scowring the ruft from Siluer and from Gold, That Mifers hoorded vp and vfed not : As honeft men as wee, in all their dealing, And yet are hang'd for nothing but for dealing.
Example to you of a friend He make, And I befeech you all, to note the thing: Who being to be married, went and fpake Vnto a Goldfmith for a wedding Ring, And comming for it when he fliould be wed, The dores were fhut, and e'ry one abed :
Hee
. OF IOHN LEYDEN.
Hee had no reafon fland and knocke all day, But brake the windowes open, in a ieft, Taking all Rings he found, with him away, To chufe his owne the better, from the reft : Meaning to put the Gold-fmith but in feare, In making him fuppofe fome Theefe were there.
Well, this poore fellow hee was apprehended, Brought to the Barr, and as a Fellon try'd, And yet you fee hee ieftingly offended, Hauing good reafon for it on his fyde : But all his proteftations were in vaine, For he was hang'd in earneft for his paine.
Another honeft fellow as hee went,
Did draw a Halter after him along,
Thinking no hurt, nor hauing an intent
To offer any kind of creature wrong :
One comes behind him was the Hang-mans frend,
And tyde a Horfe vnto the Halters end.
E.
The
37
THE LIFE AND DEATH
The owner met him leading of his beaft, And charged him with fellony (poore man) Although in this fame matter he knew leaft, There is no rcmedie, fay what he can To prifon, hang him for an arrant thiefe. How fay my maifters is not this a griefe?
But wce'le take order for fuch matters now, For theeues and Gentlemen fhall be all one, To take a purfe, or horfe, we will allow, And let him boldly do it that hath none: Take any thing that any man fhall lacke, To fill the belly and to cloth the backe.
If any finde himfelfe herewith agreeued, Let him be whipt and banifht forth the towne, With rich mens goods we meane to haue releeued The very pooreft meane and bafeft clowne, Weele haue it fo my Lords, it fliall be thus, Lets fee who dare but (land on tearmes with vs.
Tom
OF IOHN LEYDEN,
Tom Mynter, prethe fearch the towne with fpeed, Chufe out the fay reft of the female kinde, Some luftie wenches of the Germane breede, For to the flefh I feel my felfe inclinde : Some halfe a dofen wiues for me prouide, And ftocke me with fome Concubines befide.
Go to the Goldfmithes in my princely name, Will and commaund them prefently forthwith They fend fuch chaynes and Jewels as I clay me By Knipperdullings mouth, my Lord the Smith, Without demaunding any thing therefore, I neither meane to pay, nor go on fcore.
Let others to the Mercers fliops repayre, And tell them we do filke and veluet lacke, Our feame-rent Souldiers are exceeding bare, Scant any tatters hanging on their backe. Rich Taffata and Veluet of three pile, Muft ferue our vfe to fwagger in a while.
E2.
Com-
39
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Commaund the Marchants to fupply our Court With all abundance of the choyfeft Wine : Vnto the Butchers likewife make refort, Bid them prouid vs Oxen, Sheepe, and Swine : Charge Brewers to prefent vs with their trade, And that their Beere be fomewhat ftronger made.
The Baker in his office to appeere, His Mealy-worfhip wee do greatly want : And ftore of Cookes let vs haue likewife heere, To dreffe our difhes, that they be not fcant : All things in plentie, and abundant ftore, Bee merry, eate, and drinke, and call for more.
This for a Refolution wee fet downe, And do ordaine that it continue ftill : All is our owne that is within the Towne, And wee are men that haue the world at will : Fill Bowles of Wine, carowfe a High-Dutch round, For Cares lye conquerd, and our loyes are croun'd.
Munjler
Munfter being befeiged by the Duke of Saxonie, the Rebels indure great myferie, and extremitie by famiJJiment ; but conftrained in the end to yeelde: their principall Captaines Leyden, Knipperdulling, and Myn- ter, are tortur'd and put to death, for exam ple to all of Rebellious damned difpoji- tion, ending as defperate, as their Hues were diiielifli.
AMbitions wheele, which Traytors do afpire, Hath brought the Rebels to their altitude : And now declining, downe-ward they retire, By iuft Reuenge a downe-fall to conclude, From top of Treafon, thus they turne about : For now behold, their curfed date run out.
The Martiall Duke layd feige vnto them now,
Preuenting them of needfull wants fupply,
With Hungers fharpeft fword, to make them bow :
No expectation but refolue to dye,
Their length of life was meafur'd by their ftore,
Which could not be enlarg'd a crum the more.
E3.
Yet
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Yet mod extrcame hard crucll fhift they made,
Holding the towne befieg'd aboue a yeere,
In which fliarpe time their paunches were betraide
Of all their former feaftes and belly cheere,
For each man's ftomack deem'd his throat was cut,
There was fuch emptineffe in ery gut.
When wholefome foode was all confumde and gone,
After a hard allowance they had paft,
Horfes and Dogges they lickt their lips vpon,
Then Rats and Mife grew daintie meate at laft,
Olde fhooes they boyld, which made good broth befide,
Buffe-lether lerkins cut in Steakes they fride.
Not an olde payre of Bootes did walke the ftreete, Their bellies could not fpare their legs the lether, But ftew'd they were, and hunger made them fweete, For with that fauce they fhar'd alike together. Couers of Bookes were in like maner dreft, And happie he was fuch a diflies gheft.
The
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
The Chaundlers crawling tallow vtt'red well, It feru'd Hans Leyden and his Lords owne table, There was no fault found with the tafte nor fmell, Their onely griefe was this, they were not able To maintaine that good cheere, which grew fo fcant, Of filthie kitchin ftufife they found great want.
When they had eaten vp the Chaundlers trade, As likewife all the ware Shoomakers had, The Scriueners fhops for parchment they inuade, And feize vpon it euen hunger mad, Cancelling with their teeth both bond and bill, Looke after debts and pay them he that will.
In thefe extreames (quoth Leyden to the reft) What fhall we doe in this accurfed cafe ? Aduife me now Tom Mynter what were beft, What's to be done in this fame hungry place ? Speake Knipperdulling lets haue thy aduice, There's no prouifion left of Rats and Mice.
Why
43
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Why, fire the Towne, as late I did my Forge, (Quoth K nipper dulling) I do thinke it meete, Lead Saxon imitate Englifh Saint George, And trample vs like Dragons vnder feete : Like Troy, let flame and fmoake afcend the skyes, Wee burne like Phcnix, that in fier dyes.
Or let vs on a fodaine iffue out,
And rufh vpon thofe rafcals keepe vs in:
Moft defperat in that wee go about,
As not refpe6ling if wee lofe or win :
Be as it will, wee haue but Hues to fpend,
A puffe of breath, and therewithall an end.
In this eftate defpayring of their Hues, lohn Leyden plots in his fantaftique hed, To fend out of the Towne one of his Wiucs Vnto the Duke, to tell him fhee is fled From thofe accurfed Rebels, to his grace, To fignifie the Citties weakeft place.
Thou
OF IOHN LEYDEN
Thou muft (quoth hee) play ludiths part for all,
And free vs from this fame Afsirian hoft :
Bring Holofernes head vnto the wall,
That thus againft Betliulia doth boft :
I had a Vifion did appeare to mee,
Which fignified thou fhould'ft our Indith bee.
And by thy meanes deliueraunce procure, Sauing our Hues, to thy immortall prayfe : Then holy woman, put this worke in vre, Thou feeft we die, if wee indure delayes : Thou haft rare beautie, on with rich attire, And good fucceffe incline to thy defire.
This filly Woman eafily deluded, Prepares her felfe vnto the enterprife : Departs the Towne as Leyden had concluded, Vnto the Duke, attyred in difguife, As if fhee had by fecret made efcape, Taking on her an Hipocrites true fhape.
F.
Deliuers
45
THE LIFE AND DEATH
Deliuers all the cunning fhe was taught,
To gaine her credit, and to free fufpe6l.
The Duke mifdoubts her praftize to be nought,
And by examination findes direct
The plot, and all the drift why fhee was fent,
And thus to worke with this falfe Indith went.
A Scaffold was erected in the fight Of all the Rebels, that they might perceiuc Their Gentlewoman playd not ludith right: Becaufe her head behind her fhe did leaue : " For Treafon neuer is fo well contriu'd, " But ftill the plotter is the fhorteft liu'd.
Then did the Duke affault them very ftrong, Who being weake, vnable to refift, Tir'd out with Famine they endured long, And did fubdue them euen as he lift : Such leane Anotamics they feemed all, Like thofe dry bones in the Chirurgeons hall.
And
OF IOHN LEYDEN.
And heere ends LE YDENS kingdome and his raigne,
His counterfayted ty tie's out of date,
Hee is lohn Leydcn Taylor now againe :
And thofe that were his Noble-men of late,
Are eu'en reflored to their firft degree,
Smyth, Clarke, and loyner, arrant Knaues all three.
To their deferued deaths they are appoynted,
For all their villanies, and extreame wrongs :
Drawne through the Cittie ftreets, and then disioynted,
Their flefh torne from the bones with fiery tongs :
And as their Hues did to all mifcheife tend,
So did the defp'rat vnrepentant end.
Being dead, there were three Iron Cages made For ftrength and fubftaunce to endure and laft, And into them their bodyes were conueyd, And on the Citties higheft Steeple plaft, Leydcn hung higheft, to expreffe his pride, Mynter, and Knipperdnlling, on each fide.
F2.
The
47
THE LIFE AND DEATH
The like reward, be like offenders due. Let Traytors ends be violent, and euill : And as thefe part, fo all that fhall enfue, Let them receiue their wages from the Deuill : Hce fets a worke, and ftirrcs them to afpire, And is to pay them vengeaunce for their hire.
FINIS.
Terrible Battell be-
tweene the two confumers
of the whole World: TIME, and DEATH.
By Samuell Rowlands.
Printed at London for lohn Deane, and are to be fold at his fhop at Temple barre vnder
To the wife and well accomplifht Gent: M. George Gaywood,
health and happineffe.
IR, the great and good report which my beloued friend (the bearer hereof} JiatJi ginen of you, hath made me more then Jialfe in loue with you, which makes me thinke in fame fort (as tJie rude and ru- stickephrafe is) tofcratch acquaintance ofyou.But \fir beleeue it to be thus, for you fliallfinde itfo, tliat this isnotdoneofpurpofe todrawfromyou any bounty or rewarde to me, for my Penne neucr was, nor neuerJJialbe, (God faying Amen?) Mercinarie: biitto let you know that tJie bringer hereof, wJio doth ac knowledge Jdmfelfe to be more indebted to you thenhispooreejlateor deieflcd life can make fatisf action for) Jiathfome friends , that willin fomemeafuregiueyouthankesforthemorethcnfatherlykindncfifcyou Jtauejliewedtohim. ThisvnfpeakablelotteandkindneJJ'eofyoursex- teudcdto}iim,hathmademetodcdicatethisfillieworkvntoyou,which bythegenerallrcportofyourworthincffe, I thinke vmvorthie your ac ceptance. Butifitpleafeyou to callback againcfome of tJie louewhich you Jiaue heretofore borne him, and withall to conftder that this isfent toyou, butasagratulationfrommeforJiim,thcn I makenodoubtbut you willacceptitfor his fake, ifnot,yctjlilllivillrejlyourfriende and Wel-willer, made fo by my friends report.
.S .R
A bloudy Battell betwixt Time and Death.
Read potent Monfter, mighty fro thy birth, ^- Gyant of ftrength, againft al mortal power, Gods great Earle Marjhall ouer al the earth : Taking account of each mans dying houre,
Landlord of Graues, and Toombs of Marble ftones,
Lord Treafurer of rotten dead-mens bones.
Victorious confort, Slautering Caualier,
Mated with me, to combat all aliue,
Know worthy Champion, I haue met thee here,
Only to vnderftand how matters thriue:
As our affayres alike in nature be,
So let vs loue, conferre, and kind agree.
A 3 Great
A bloudy Battell
Great Regefter of all things vnder Sunne, Gods fpeedy poaft, that euer runs and flyes, Ender of all that euer was begun, That haft the Mappe of life before thine eyes : And of all Creatures fmce the worlds creation, Haft feene the finall dufty confumation.
Death. Let me entreat thee pardon me a while, Becaufe my bufmefle now is very great, I muft go trauayle many a thoufand mile, To looke with care that Wormes do lacke no meat : Theres many crawling feeders I maintaine, I may not let thofe Cannibals complaine.
I muft fend murtherers with fpeed to Hell, That there with horror they may make abode, I muft mew Atheyfts where the Deuils dwell, To let them feele there is a powerfull God : I muft invyte the Glutton and the Lyer, Vnto a banquet made of flambes of fire.
betweene Time and Death.
I muft bring PRIDE where Fafhions are inuented,
[You ydle headed Women, quake and feare]
Your toyifh fooleries will be preuented,
A fhute of crawling Serpents you lhall weare:
You that endeuor onely to go braue,
What Hel affoords, you fhal be fure to haue.
I haue the fwagring Ruffian to difpatch, That moth and canker of the common wealth, The graceles Theefe, that on the pray doth watch, The dronkard a carrowfmg of his health : And of all fmners fuch a damned rowt, As full of worke as Death can ftir about.
This lawfull buf'nes I do well allow, Time.
But in my abfence how wilt thou proceeded
I muft be prefent too as well as thou,
Before Time come thou canft not doe the deed*
My Sythe cuts downe ; vpon thy dart they die,
Thou haft an houre glaffe, and fo haue I.
B Looke
A bloudy Battell
Looke my kinde Death, here is fome fand to run,
[What do I bid thee look that haft no eies]
Let's fuflfer their laft minute to be don,
Some man repents the inftant when he dies :
As one example I remember chiefe,
Of him that died a Saint, and liu'd a Theefe.
Death Thou fpeak'ft it true, that penitent indeede Had neuer happy houre till his laft, But of like fecond finner who can readf From fuch a hellifh life to heauen paft, But one, to keepe pore finners from difpaire, And from prefumption, one, and he moft rare.
Thou knowft all flefh that is of woman borne,
Corruptly vnto fin giues full confent,
Seruing the Diuell with the fineft corne,
Their pleafure, youth, and ftrength, on him is fpent :
And when the night of age brings painfull grones,
Then in Gods difh they caft their rotten bones.
Who
betweene J^ime and Death.
Who would not cenfure him a foolifh man, To loyter out the fpring and fommer tide? And when another reapes, make feede time than Expecting what the feafon had deni'de, Yet fuch bad husbands hell affourds good-cheap Will vndertake to fow, when others reape.
Some make my picture a moft common thing, As if I were continual in their thought, A Deaths hed feale vpon a great gold ring, And round about Memento Mori wrought : Which memory with gold cannot agree, For he that hates the fame beft thinks on me.
I onely am a welcome frend to fuch
As know by me they enter vnto reft,
And that no fecond death their foules can touch,
The peace of confcience harbors in their breft,
And with the diuell, flefh and world, ftill ftriue,
Vntill at Canaan they doe ariue*
B 2 But
A bloudy Battell
But Time for tother thou (halt witneffe be, How mod vnwilling thofe fame wretches die, Their ends thou daily doeft behold and fee, And can'ft enforme the world I do not lie, With horror, griefe, and anguifli difcontented, In foule, and body, furioufly tormented.
Time Surely they are, their ftates cannot be told, We apprehend but outward things in fight, Moil fearefull are thofe obie6ls to behold, That curfe their birth and time they faw the light ; Sinne hath no falue but mercy, that they craue-not, Repentance, findeth grace, and that they haue-not.
Death I came to kill a Vfurer of late,
And flaying by his bed a while for thee, His fpeech was all of mony-bags and plate, But not a word of God : nor thought of me : Quicke, fetch a fcriuener, let a bil be drawne, Sirrha, your day is broke, ile keepe your pawne.
Intreat
betwixt Time and Death.
Intreat me not : you fhould haue kept time better, Thou fhalt buy wit, a foole muft feele the fmart, Get me a Seriant, to areft a debter, And with that word, my mace went through his heart, Thus died the wretch, with Mony, Bond, and Bill, And if God haue him, t'was againft his will.
When this bad fellowes date was thus croft out,
I do remember we came to a place
Where laye a Dmes groning of the gowte,
Crying Lord, Lord, methought he ment for grace.-
Vntill I heard the burden of his fong,
Was, Lord where may this Do6lor flay fo long.
Sir (quoth his wife) twere good haue a Diuine;
Thou art a foole (faid he) I need him not,
I haue a hart as perfect founde as thine,
What is there not a Doctor to be got?
A Doctor with al expedition wife,
My legges wil make me weary of my life.
B 3 This
A bloudy Battell
„,. This mifers anfwere I haue noted frend, lime
In ficknes men on Doctors moft rehe
Vnto Apothicaries fhops they fend Till phificke giues them ouer, they mud die: And when they fee there is no way but one, Fetch a Diuine, God fhal be thought vpon.
Death T'is true indeede, but weele giue pill and potion To fuch as whole on outward meanes depend, And come to god for want, more then deuotion, As forc'd vnto it at their helples end, For ere the doctor could a drinke prouide I ftab'd my dart, thus deepe into his fide.
Death From him thou know'ft we to a lawyer went, Time. Tis right, we found him arguing of cafes, This is (quoth he) the very lawes intent, With that the golden fees came in by braces: Wher's your inftruftions, and his declaration? I cannot anfwere thee, till next vacation.
Come
10
betwixt Time and Death.
Come thou in Tearme thy matter fhal be heard, Sir I remember'd you the other day, The bill you wot off, I haue now preferd, With that ftept I and faid, frend Lawyer flay : An execution gainft your life I haue, You muft vnto my laile, is cald the Graue.
Leauing him to the Sexton and the bels, We came vnto a Marchant in this towne That mighty bags of money ouer-tels, Wrapt very orderly in his night gowne, Sirra (quoth he) is not the pofte come yetf Make fpeed and fumme me vp this bill of debt.
There can no fhips come yet, He raife my price, Oh that the winde would hold but thus a while; There comes into my head an odde deuice, The very thought thereof doth make me fmile/ Some fhal be fure to pay if this geare hold, The plot is pretious, and muft yeeld me gold.
Thus
A bloudy Battell
Thus he fat plotting till I fpoild his braine, With Oh I feele my felfe exceeding fecke, I gaue his hart a gripe, it grond againe, By this, on price of wares he would not fticke But lay a gafping, while the bell did towle, And there his body lies without a foule.
Next doore to him, we found a London dame
Vpon her bed, with finger aking laide,
And there moft bitterly fhe did exclaime
Againft the mifdemeanors of her maide,
Bafe queane (quoth fhe) how doft thou make me fret?
To fee my ruffe of that ilfauord fet.
Your manners hufwife you haue quite forgot, As fure as death ile make your ioynts to bow, Fbu whore, the poking yron is too hot, Durft thou prefume to vex thy miftris now, If I were well thou queane I would not mifle To had my fifts about thine eares ere this,
Let
12
betweene Time and Death.
Let me not rife, for if I doe; no more:
Few wordes are beft, I thinke you will repent it,
He make you feele your fides this fortnight fore,
Except Death croffe my purpofe and preuent it:
With that I ftept betweene to part the Fray,
The Mayd fcapt blowes, and Miftris brake her day.
A Muskie-Gentle, we did vifit then,
A Silken Gallant, very curyous fine,
That kept a fwaggring crew of Seruingmen,
Whofe rapyer-hylts embrued with gold did mine,
And for he would from all contention ceafe,
He wifely bound his weapons to the Peace.
One that would fend his challenge to his Foe, And braue him out with paper in difgrace, But to the fielde, he alwaies fcornd to goe, For he kept men, that would fupply the place : He would preferue his life, yet fend his Gloue, His perfon muft attend on Ladies loue.
C Well
A bloudy Battell
Well this fame figneur with the tender skin, That dedicateth all his daies and houres To dauncing, drunkenneffe, and Venus finne, Neuer respecting Time and Deaths fterne powers Was met by me thinking his life fecure, I killed the knaue to keepe my hand in vre.
Where went we then, doeft thou remember Time} Yes very well, we vifited a Poet, That tyrd inuention day and night with rime And ftill on Vcmis feruice did beftow it: Death Tis true indeed a Poet was the next,
With foolifh idle loue extreamely vext.
Time All that he did endeuour to deuife,
Was onely Venus praife, and Cupids power, Within his head he had a mint of lyes, On truth he neuer fpent, in's life an houre : His fictions were to feed thofe in their pride, Who take delight to heare themfelues belide.
For
betweene Time and Death.
For flaunder, women to haue vertues many, Admird their beauties, when they lack good faces, Say they haue wit at will, not feeing any, Tell them their empty minds are full of graces : Why then they thinke you loue them paft compare, And euery toy they weare becoms them rare.
This Poet thus a fonneting we found,
Riming himfelfe euen almoft out of breath,
Cupid (quoth he) thy cruell Dart doth wound,
Oh graunt me loue, or elfe come gentle Death:
I heard him fay, come gentle death in left ; Death
And in good earned graunted his requeft.
Leaue him a rotting, then we march'd along Time
Vnto a Godly reuerent graue deuine,
Whofe faith on Chrift was grounded firme and ftrong,
And all his hope to heauen did he incline ;
At prayer deuout, we found him on his knees,
And with thefe words he fpake, his hart agrees.
C 2 The
A bloudy Battell
The wounds that IESVS fuffred for my fmne, Are mouthes that cry, O loue him with thy hart, The thornes that pierced thorow his flefh and skin, Are tongues, (pronouncing) Lone is his defart, The torturing whips, that did to anguifh moue him, Are E echoes founding, Wretched Sinner loue him.
With Peters fmnes in greatnefle mine abound, Who by his oathes and curfles Chrift denied, And with the woman in Adultry found, The filthinefle of fmne in me doth bide: With T&agdalens in multitudes they be, Her feauen Deuils haue infe6led me.
The Ihame of fmne vpon my foule doth fall, That on the wretched Publican did light, The cruelty of fmne I haue with Paul To profecute the holy and vpright/ And with the Theefe, that all his life did ill, Vnto my graue, my fmnes attend me ftill.
Oh
16
betwixt Time and Death.
Oh come fweet lefus, for thy feruant corns, I doe beleeue, Lord helpe my vnbeliefe : My debt of fmnes amount to mighty fums, Of Mercies treafure onely thou art chiefe : Though fmnes be red as fcarlet, yet I know, Thy precious blood can wafh them white as fnow,
To be diffolued, greatly I defire,
This world doth paffe, the things thereof are vaine,
To be with Chrift, I onely do require,
And fee the Citty where his Saints do raigne,
He is my life, Death is a gaine to me,
With that his foule afcends where Angels be.
A happy foule, one that had learn'd to die, Death
And rightly vnderftood his earthly ftate,
Whofe conftant faith enfor'cd the Deuill fly,
That ftill affaulteth men with deadly hate,
For thou know'ft Time how that fame hel-hound ftriues
About the hower that men yeeld vp their Hues.
C 3 For
A blmtdy Battell
For in mans ficknes Sat/tan doth conceiue, It may be mortall, that difeafe may end-him, And therefore no temptation he will leaue, That to eternall torment he may fend-him : Tis time (faith he) to do my moft endeuor, If now I loofe his fowle, tis loft for euer.
Firft then heele tempt him to impatient mind, To grudge and to repine, at Gods correction, Whereto with paine and griefe he feemes inclin'd, But finding grace preuenteth that infeciion, He feekes to draw him to a pride of hart, To thinke himfelfe a man of great defart
And one in whome perfection doth abound, That conftantly aduerfities can beare, For his good workes deferuing to be crownd, And that of fin he need not ftand in feare : If this cannot his fowle for hell prepare, He labors then to driue him to defpaire.
Com-
18
betwixt Time and Death.
Compares Gods iudgements and his fins together, And bids his confcience looke vpon the law, Where damned foules remain, he muft go thither, No mercy fuch a fmner euer faw; It ftands not with Gods iuftice for to faue-him, The Deuils come, and onely he muft haue-him.
Thus plots that foe, and thus he oft preuailes, And doth enlarge his kingdome wondrous thus ; Millions of fowles go hel-ward with thefe gales, When men from memory do banifh vs : " To count thee precious all men haue great reafon : " To thinke on me, is neuer out of feafon.
Death, it is true but that fame monfter fin, Time.
That brood of hell, that Deuils eldefb childe,
Which with the fall of Adam did begin,
And all his off-fpring odious hath defiTd :
That Viper of the foule doth ftill appeare,
To all thofe fmners entertaine it heere.
Sinne,
A bloudy Battell
Sinne, the defpifing of Gods Maiefty, And the contempt of his Eternall power, The death of Vertue, Graces enemy, Canker of true felicities faire flower, The obfcure darkenes of mans vnderftanding, Rebell to all the lawes of Gods commanding.
Sinne, the director vnto all mifhap,
The fetters of th'eternall vault of hell,
The tempters net he vfeth to intrap,
The price wherewith the Deuils buy and fell,
The feed of SatJian daily by him fowne
In thofe hard harts which are become his owne.
Sinne, euerlafting poifon, curelefle killing, The imitation of the evill fprites, Folly of men, to which the world runs willing, Pleafing deftruftion, fil'd with loath'd delights, Soules peftilence, from darke infections Den, The caufe of all Gods plagues that light on men.
Hath
betweene Time and Death.
Hath ouer man fuch rule and Empire got, And generally on earth beares fuch a fway, That ther's not one doth good and fmneth not, The righteous falleth feuen times a day: This is the caufe the Lyon roares about, And heauens narrow way, is hard found out
True time/ Well, then we went with expedition Death
(Killing about fome hundred by the way)
Vnto the manfion of a rare phifition,
That with my fubiects bare a mighty fway,
Of ficke, and lame, and gowty, ery fort,
Gaue all of him a wonderfull report.
Within his hand he held a vrinall, Which after he had view'd a little fpace, This party (quoth he) very fhortly fhall Be perfect well, and in a healthy cafe ; There is no daunger, do as I haue wild, Yet that fame perfon I had newly kild.
D To
A bloudy Battell
To many he gaue notes, what they mould take, Some pill, fome potion, others muft let blood, And diuers compounds fome with fpeed muft make, And on his life this phificke would do good, Quoth I, Phijltian cure tliy felfe fond man, Thou dieft this howre, preuent it if thou can.
About this time much worke I had to do, As wofull London did both feele and fee, A dreadfull plague began fix hundred two, Which did continue out fix hundred three, The bloody bufmes I had then in hand, Became a terror vnto all the land.
Deadly deftru6lion was in e'ry ftreet,
A daily mourning and a daily dying,
Great vfe of Coffin, and of winding Sheet,
From empty houfes many hundreds flying:
Each faculty, profeflion, and degree,
Tooke counfell with their legs to run from me.
But
22
betweene Time and Death.
But how they fped experience can declare, How many left their liues vpon the way, Poore mortals in my hands are brittle ware, Like Vapor, Buble, Flower, wither'd Hay; Where can they run, but I am ftill behind-them? Where can they Hue fecure, but I will find-them ?
The Cittizens that out of plague time, euer Are entertain'd with welcomes in all Townes, To fhun like Serpents, each man did endeuor, Amongft the rufticke rude vnciuill Clownes, The name of Londoner, that very breath, Had power to terrific as much as death.
Let him be friend or kinfman, what he will, Maifter, or feruant, husband, or the wife : You muft keepe out, faies lobfon with his bill, The plagu's about him neighbors on my life: Heere is no meat and drinke for horfe or man, Starue if thou wilt, or get it where thou can.
D 2 God
A bloudy Battell
God which detefted cruelty feeing this,
Gaue vs commiflion ouer all the land,
That flefh and blood might know the plague was his,
And he had power to ftrike or hold his hand:
Then we his officers to worke did go,
And make the Country tail of Citties wo.
How could they fhun their owne infection now?
That held the Londoners contagious foes,
What vertue can their worm-wood fmels allow,
To charme the plague, for comming neare their nofe ?
Angellica is but a rotten root,
Hearbe-grace in fcorne, I trample vnder-foot
Vnicorns horn's not worth a marrow-bone, Though men efteeme fo precious of the duft, Bugell is euen as good as Beazer done, If I but fay, Sirrha away you mujl\ Prepare thy foule, repent the guilt of Jin, Coffin, andjheete, attend to take thee in.
betwixt Time and Death.
I wonder what men thinke that daily fee, Their friends and kindered carried to the graue, How they can count themfelues fecure to be, That not an howers time, of life-time haue; That find they are but tenants heere at will, Yet Hue, as they could liue free-holders ftill.
Where's old Wethufelah that long liu'd man?
Whers's al the fathers faw fo many daies ?
Their Hues were but the length of Dauids fpan,
A vapor that moft fodainly decaies :
Th'are borne, grow ftrong, wax old, fall ficke, and die,
So other do/ and others them fupply.
Where's that ftrong man that did fo many kill?
And admirable things by valour did,
That carried Afah gates to Hebron hil,
And rent a Lyon like a tender Kyd :
Looke in the graue where this great man doth lie,
There's no ftrength left, to kil a^filly flie.
Whers
A bloudy Battell
Wher's that moft rare and comely fhaped prince, That would haue puld his Father from his throne ? Whofe like no age hath feene for feature fmce, Nor any age before his age had known : Not a locke left of all his goodly haire, Hundreds ago, his fcull was bald, and bare.
Wher's Hector gone, and Hercules become? What newes with Pompey and Achilles now? Where marcheth Alexander with his drum, To Ctefars fcepter who doth yeeld or bow: Where are thefe great and mighty conquering ones, Time, (hew an ounce of duft of all their bones.
Time Death preethy ftay, let this difcourfe ftand by, And make me anfwere vnto one requeft, Some doubt and difference is twixt thee and I, Which to refolue in my conceit were beft, And this it is; The world exclaimes on me, For diuers actions that are done by thee.
If
betwixt Time and Death.
If thou flab children in their mothers wombe,
Or kill a king as foone as he is crown'd,
Or make the bloodie field the Souldiors tombe,
Or in the Seas caufe thoufands to be drown'd,
Why prefentlie what will the people fay?
Their Time was come: thus Time beares blame awaie.
If this be all, let it not greeue thy hart, Death
To heare thy felfe abufed now and then,
But ile reuenge, I vow it with my dart,
I marry wilt thou, but I preethy when: Time
To foone by many daies ile meet with fome, Death
If thou but fay, ftrike for their Time is come.
I thats another matter, now you fpeake : Time.
By my glaffe all thy tragedies are a6led,
The prifon of mans foule thou canft not breake,
With wals of flefh and blood, and bones compacted ;
Nor giue the fame enlargement to go free,
Before my hand, to thy commiffion be.
Thou
A bloudy Battell
Thou knowft Time is Gods agent in affaires,
And hath bin fo, euer fmce the creation,
Thou knowft he feateth Monarchs in their chairs,
Admitting kings vnto their corronation :
If long they raigne, Time giues their yeares the length,
If fhort they rule, Time cutteth off their flrength.
The ornaments of heauen, fun, and Moone,
With al the glittering brauery of ftars,
Are taught by me, their morning, night, and noone,
I order them, which elfe diforder mars :
Their motions, reuolutions, and afpe6ls,
Time with his iuft proportion, due directs.
Death Why what a bragging and a coile do'ft keepe? Beft take my dart, be Time, be Death and al, lie into graues, and there go lie and fleepe, And anfwere thou when Gods affaires do cal : Be Lord of Coffin, Pickaxe, Sheet, and fpade, And do my worke, with thofe in ground are laid.
Thou
28
betweene Time and Death.
Thou art for kings, and thou doft this and that, And without thee, ther's nothing to be done, To crowne, depofe, and do I know not what, Nay thou art bufie with the Moone and Sunne; Thou haft an ore in e'ry bodies boate, Vpon my confcience thou begin'ft to dote.
I haue bin Death almoft fix thoufand yeares, Yet neuer heard thee vaunt fo vaine before, Thou coun'ft thy felfe my better it appeares, But if thou doeft, thy aime is wide a fcore ; I tell thee Time, thou doeft infence me now, Knowing my felfe a better man then thou.
At leaft thy felfe knowes I am full as good, Being Gods fteward, fmnes reward to pay, He that denies it I will fee his blood, Be he the greateft Monarch Hues this day; If he were Ccefar of the earths whole Globe, He make him poorer then the Deuill made lob.
E The
29
A bloudy Battell
The mony-bag whofe Idols in his cheft, Whofe Gods his gold, whofe golds his prifoner, Whofe thoughts are euer haunted with vnreft, And loues that beft, becomes his murderer: I take him fodaine from huge heapes of treafure, The flaue was fcraping all his life times leifure.
Wounds, hart, and blood, that wil not fell his fwearing To him would giue him forty pound a yeare, That vowes a tale is dull and harfh in hearing, Vnlefle by oaths the matter be made cleare: Oft when the tempter chiefely doth prouoke-him, His mouth being fiTd with bitter oaths, / choake him.
The fwaggering Ruffian in his heady braules, Whofe hand is euer on his ponyard hilt, That bloody fraies his recreation cals, Chiefely delighted with foule murders guilt : Whofe thoughts are onely for the ftab pretence, I haue a tricke for him and all his fence.
The
betweene Time and Death.
The quaintly futed Courtier in attyre, Whofe lookes are fixt no lower then the sky, Is croft by me, in height of his defire, And vnder ground I make his carrion lie : He fcorn'd the earth, and that I make his bed, Wrapt in a rotten fheet, from foot to head.
And wherefoeuer, or what ere he be, For countenance, for credit and condition, Dignity, calling, office, or degree, Peffant, or prince, patient, or els Phifition : Euen from the Crowne and fcepter to the plow, I make all looke as I my felfe do now.
Perhaps thou think'ft becaufe thy beard is gray,
I owe officious reuerence to thine age,
And muft beleeue whatfoeuer thou fay,
Applauding thee chiefe actor on earths ftage:
He neuer do it, Time expect it not,
For at my hand ther's nothing to be got
E 2 But
A bloudy Battell
But prethee tell me, what is he feares Time! Not one vpon my life that doth expect thee, For all the fmful brood of Adams (lime, Do euery day, and euery hower neglect thee : To vfe time well, who is not flow and flacke? But with their euils, al men loade thy backe.
Pyrats and theeues take Time to fit their turne, Time muft aflift them ere they can preuaile, The fawning flatterer doth Time fubborne, To give him leifure for his lying tale ; The luftfull Letcher borrowes thee by night, And makes Time pandor to his finnes delight.
The fcatter good, in Time confumes the wealth, That might fuftaine both him and his fucceffor, The drunkard takes his Time to pledge a health Till drinke, to wit and fence be an oppreffor; Nay not an euill fmce the world begun, But Time was acceffary till twas done.
Wei
betwixt Time and Death.
Well preethy flander on, ile heare thee out, lime.
And thy vntruths, with truth I will confute,
Touching the wronging me, thou goeft about,
Thou art not able for thy life difpute:
Death, th'art a lying fellow in this cafe,
I fcorne thee I, for vfmg Time fo bafe.
What (Father gray-beard, doth your choler rife ? Death
Can you fo ill digeft to heare your crimes?
Why goodman bone-face, with your vaulty eies,
What i'ft to me if men abufe their Times? Time
Where learnd your dry and empty pate the skil,
That Time mould anfwere for mens doings il.
Man is ordaind by th'almighty maker, To fpend his Time of earthly pilgrims ftate So holy, that he proue foule finnes forfaker And with faire vertue finim out his date: I being the Time and limmit for that vfe, My il imployment, is the worlds abufe?
What
33
A bloudy Battell
What fimple reafon hath thy braine in (lore, That doft all fence fo vtterly forget? Shal I be charg'd to anfwere fmners fcore, That neuer part my word to pay their debt : Proue that, and let all that is good deteft me, Th'art a leane knaue : Take witnes and are/I me.
Death By my darts point, ( I fwore not fo this yeare,
lie fight with thee, next time we meet in field, Time Why if thou haft a ftomacke try it heere, I feare thee not, my fith is newly fteeld : And take this warning ere the fray begins, Looke to your legs, ile cracke thofe rotten fhins.
My fhins you whorfon vglie prating flaue, Death Sirrha ile keepe you at the point aloofe, For dotard know ther's not a bone I haue, But tis compof'd of ftuflfe, full cannon proofe, Z-aie on my legs an houre by thy glafle, Als one, to hew a pillar made of brafle.
Peace
betwixt Time and Death.
Peace bragging foole, I laugh thy vaunts to fcorne, Time.
Thy tongue inclines to much vnto thy lying,
Feare children with thy force but newly borne,
And terrific the ficke that lie a dying :
I know the houre when God did firft begin thee,
Thy mold and making, and how much is in thee.
Thy office is to murder and to kill,
Stabbing of men, is folace to thy hart,
Tho goeft about and carrieft with thee ftil,
A Spade, and Pickaxe, Hower-glafTe, and Dart:
With one toole, thou doft giue a cowards wound
Vnfeene, and with tother turne men vnder ground.
Thou looked like the infide of a tombe,
All rotten bones, with fmnews bound togither,
Thy guts are gone, for they lacke belly roome,
And al thy flefh is lighter then a feather:
Thy head is like an empty drie oile iarre,
Where neather teeth, nor nofe, nor eies there are.
From
35
A bloudy Battell
From eare to eare thou haft a mouth vnfliut, With armes and hands like to a Gardners rake, Thy ribs fhew like a leather lerkin cut, Thy voice refembles biffing of a fnake : Thy legs appeare a paire of Crane-ftilts right, And al thy formes more vgly then a fprite.
Thy picture ftands vpon the Ale-houfe wall, Not in the credit of an ancient ftory, But when the old wiues guefts begin to braule, She points, and bids them read Memento mori: Looke, looke (faies fhe) what fellow ftandeth there, As women do, when crying Babes they feare.
No memory of worth to thee belongs, To call thee famous is condemned error, And though fometime th'art baletted in fongs, Thy names imploide vnto no vfe but terror, Thy companie both rich and poore defie, Zoathfome to eare, moft vgly to the eie.
Time
betweene Time and Death.
Time, I perceiue thou art difpof'd to raile, So am not I, my head is not fo vaine, Thy tearmes are very bafe, moft fcuruy ftale, And th'art a teftie old foole, for thy paine : What needft thou vfe this fpeeches vnto me, A man fo hanfome thou wilt neuer be.
Beft fhapen forme, by natures powerfulneffe, And fweeteft face on which loues eies do fawn, The chiefeft ftature, praif'd for comlineffe, Are but my picture when the Curtaines drawne : Remoue the veile of flefh and blood away, Tis Death's true picture all the world wil fay.
But what art thou, a foule mifhapen monfter, Behind all bald, a locke elle long before, With clouen feet, whereby a man may confter, Caron from hell hath brought thee late a more, Which if he did, thy fwiftnes doth declare, Thou ranft away and neuer paid his fare.
F Actions
37
A bloudy Battell
AElaons feet, (I would thou hads his homes)
Wing'd like an Owle, a Cat hath lent thee eies/
A fugitiue that neuer backe returnes,
One that will run with Titans horfe in skies:
Neuer to be intreated, ftopt, or (laid,
For whom repofe and reft was neuer made.
And doft thou thinke ile pocket vp difgrace,
Of fuch a paltry rufticke peafant boore,
Nay rather I defie thee to thy face,
Thou knowft me honeft, though thou knowft me poor :
I care for no man, all that Hue feare me,
A figge for the whole world. A rujhfor thee.
Time Well art thou now reueng'd? preethy haue done?
Thou ftriu'ft to haue the laft word I dare fweare it, Death Why fhould I not as long as you begun,
Fie, fie, I am afham'd that any man fhould heare it: Time. For were it knowne, we two were at contention,
Tne world would laugh, and terme it Mad difcention.
Giue
betweene Time and Death.
Giue me thy hand, imbrace, let choler paffe : Death
For my part I do beare thee no ill-will,
Take heed (good Death] thy bones will crack my glaffe, Time
I would be loath to do thee fo much ill.* Death.
Lay downe thy fith, as I lay downe my dart :
Shake hands, and fo be friends before we part.
Time
Where goeft thou now, Marry harke in thine eare: Death I haue a Lady prefently to kill: One thats at dice, and doth no daunger feare? But haue at al fhe faies, come fet me ftil; She is at paffage, paffing found and wel, And little thinketh on the paffing-bel.
And then I go to baile an honeft man,
Lies in the Counter for a little debt,
Whom's creditor in moft extreames he can
Doth deale withal, now he is in the net;
He fweares heele keepe him there this dozen yeare,
Yet the knaue lies, this night ile fet him cleare.
F 2 And
39
A bloudy Battell
And then Igo to fee two fellowes fight, (With whome there is no reafon to be had) About a cup of wine they dranke laft night, One fwore twas good, and tother vowd twas bad ; He giue one that, no Chirurgeon's like to heale, And with the tother let the hangman deale.
And hundreds more, come Time with fpeed along, About our bufmes we haue flood heere now: Till Prieft, and Clarke, and Sexton haue the wrong, More dead worke for their profit lets alow: My dart is dry, ther's no frefh blood thereon, We fuffer ficke to ly too long and grone.
Harke a monftrous rich fellow a Cittizen.
Time. Weele take him with vs euen in the way, (Preethy be thou a quiet man a while) Some hower, by my glafle he hath to flay, Before the date be come of his exile ; And then in fuch a hole he fhal be plac'fl, He is not like be feene againe in haft.
The
40
betwixt Time and Death.
The villains rich, exceeding rich indeed, And loues a bag of gold moil dearely well, His wife is of a proud and dainty breed, And for imbrafmg fafhions doth excell : She married him for pure loue to his wealth, But hath a friend for tother thing by ftealth.
His children long, as mifers children do,
To be a fharing, ery months a yeare,
They hope heele dy, their minds confent thereto,
And then their gallant humors wil appeare,
The angels kept in darknes by his might,
Shal by their power approach and come to light.
Vintners make welcomes ready for they come,
Let them not want (I praie) Potato pies,
And Cheaters with falfe dice looke out for fome,
No little profit to your mares will rife :
But Bawds and whores haue you a fpecial care,
To fit them penni-worths with your pocky ware.
The
A bloudy Battell
As the opprefler got it wicked in,
The prodigal wil fend it vainly out,
One wickednes requites anothers fin,
If vengeance haue a plague to bring about:
For what is got by rapine and by wrong,
The Deuil wil be doer in't ere long.
Let them haue Lord-fhips, and be Zords of Towns,
Let them inioy the world, at wit and wil,
Z-et them bequeath fiue hundred mourning gownes,
And profper al their daies in doing il:
Giue backe their goods when life is almoft fpent,
As ludas when to hange himfelfe he went
What of al this, it warrants not from hel? The wicked getting is not iuftifyed, Becaufe the rich difpofeth riches wel, Wrong gotten, and wel giuen when he died: For tis like him, fteales from anothers ftore, And of that coine giues almes vnto the poore.
The
betwixt Time and Death.
The vfurer whom God forbids as plaine, Take any intreft, as the theife from Healing, And yet wil venter foule for mony gaine, OprefTmg al that vndergo his dealing, Thinks it inough to make an honeft wil, How ere he got his goods, that fhal not skil.
Thus men delude, deceiue, beguile, betray Themfelues, their fowles, their hope, their happines ; Running the common beaten paffage way, That leads to hel, the haunt of all diftreffe : And like the foolifh Virgins knocke too late, When ther's no entrance in at heauens gate.
One builds a houfe, and titles that his owne, Giues it his name, to keep his name in found, When prefently a graue with one fquare ftone, Wil ferue his bodies turne to ly in ground, Ten thoufand pounds his coftly houfe requires, A coffin of a crowne's al death defires.
Another
43
A bloudy Battell
Another fals to purchafing of land, Heele haue it out of Orchard, field, and wood, And onely with his humor it doth ftand, To get much in his hand, and do no good : This Mole that in the earth is moiling thus, With fix foot ground is fatisfied by vs.
Death No more, away, looke heere my glaffe is out, Thou art to tedious Time in telling tales, Our bloody bufmeffe let vs go about, Thoufands are now at point of death, breath failes . To worke, to worke, and lay about thee man, Let's kil as faft, as for our Hues we can.
Harke, lijlen Time, I pray giue eare, Wfuit bell is that a fowling there?
FINIS.
44
HUNTERIAN CLUB.
SECOND ANNUAL REPORT. 1872-73.
THE Publications issued to the Members for the Second Year are : —
ALEXANDER CRAIG'S POETICALL ESSAYES, 1604.
,, ,, POETICALL RECREATIONS, 1623
„ ,, THE PlLGRIME AND HEREMITE, 163!
,, ,, MISCELLANEOUS POEMS, INTRODUCTION BY MR. DAVID LAING, £c.,
SAMUEL ROWLANDS' LETTING OF HUMOURS BLOOD IN THE HEAD-VAINE, . . 1600
„ „ A TERRIBLE BATTELL BETWEEN TIME AND DEATH, . . . [1602?]
,, ,, DIOGINES LANTHORNE, 1607
,, ,, MARTIN MARK-ALL, 1610
,, ,, A FOOLES BOLT is SOONE SHOTT, 1614
BANNATYNE MS., Part I.
RICHARD NICCOLS' SIR THOMAS OVERBURIES VISION, 1616
(Presented to the Members of the Club by Mr. Alexander Young).
In the Third Year it is expected that considerable progress will be made with the Bannatyne MS. and the Works of Rowlands. As was formerly announced, Members for the Third Year will receive Mr. Russell's presentation volume of Patrick Hannay's Poetical Works (containing about 270 pages), printed uniformly with the other books of the Club.
The Annual Statement of Income and Expenditure is appended.
FINANCIAL STATEMENT.— YEAR ENDING y*th APRIL, 1873.
|
Dr. |
Cr. |
||
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To Balance from last year, . . . £1$ 17 o |
By Printing, ...... |
^232 18 |
o |
|
,, Subscriptions, ..... 373 16 o |
„ Paper, |
67 16 |
6 |
|
,, Bank Interest, . . . . . 10 12 6 |
,, Transcribing and Collating at Oxford |
||
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and Edinburgh, .... |
38 6 |
ii |
|
|
,, Wood Engraving, .... |
15 i |
o |
|
|
,, Binding, |
12 2 |
9 |
|
|
,, Photographing, ..... |
2 17 |
7 |
|
|
,, Fire Insurance, ..... |
I 2 |
6 |
|
|
. |
,, Postage and Receipt Stamps, and Inci |
||
|
/ |
dental Expenses, .... |
15 9 |
2 |
|
/ |
,, Commission on Cheques, |
o 9 |
6 |
|
/ |
,, Balance to Third Yeai, |
14 I |
7 |
|
£400 5 6 |
^400 5 |
6 |
|
|
•LI in. i mwaiLB ••• |
GEO. W. HILL, Auditor.
JOHN ALEXANDER, Hon. Treasurer.
COUNCIL.
PROCESSOR DICKSON, D.D., UNIVERSITY, GLASGOW.
PROFESSOR YOUNG, M.D., UNIVERSITY, GLASGOW.
ALEXANDER YOUNG, 9 LYNEDOCH PLACE, GLASGOW.
JAMES BARCLAY MURDOCH, HAMILTON PLACE, LANGSIDE, GLASGOW.
THOMAS RUSSELL, 14 INDIA STREET, GLASGOW.
JOHN ALEXANDER, 79 WEST REGENT STREET, GLASGOW, Hon. Treasurer.
ALEXANDER SMITH, LAURELBANK PLACE, SIIAWLANDS, GLASGOW, Hon. Secretary.
LIST OF MEMBERS, 1872-73,
ADAMSON, Edward, M.D., Church Street, Rye,
Sussex.
Addis, John, Jr., Rustington, Littlehampton, Sussex. Alexander, John, 79 West Regent Street Glasgow,
Hon. Treas.
Alexander, Walter, 29 St. Vincent Place, Glasgow. Allen, Edward G., 12 Tavistock Row, Covent Garden,
London, W.C. (Two Copies.)
Aitchison, W. J., n Buckingham Terrace, Edinburgh. Anderson, Sir James, 16 Warrington Crescent,
London. Anderson, Robert, 22 Ann Street, Glasgow.
BAIN, James, 3 Park Terrace, Glasgow.
Bain, James, I Haymarket, London, S.W.
Baker, Thomas, Mount Vernon (per Ken- & Richard son, 89 Queen Street, Glasgow).
Balloch, Robert, 88 Union Street, Glasgow.
Barclay, Charles, 27 Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow.
Benbow, George E., 46 Friday Street, London, E.G.
Brownlie, Thomas, 182 Hope Street, Glasgow.
Buckley, Rev. W. E., Rectory, Middleton Cheney, Banbury.
Bunten, J. C., 68 Gordon Street, Glasgow.
Bunten, Laurie, 68 Gordon Street, Glasgow.
Bute, The Most Noble the Marquis of, Cardiff Castle, Wales.
CALDWELL, James, Craigielca Place, Paisley. Chamberlain, John Henry, Grange House, Coventry
Road, Small Heath, Birmingham. Chetham's Library, Manchester (per Thomas Jones,
Librarian). Clark, David Robert, M.A., Dumbreck House, Paisley
Road, Glasgow.
Cochran, Alexander, Craufurdland, Kilmarnock. Coleridge, Right Hon. Lord, I Sussex Square,
London. W. Collier, John Payne, F.S.A., Riverside, Maidenhead,
Berkshire. Cook, James Win., Wentworth House, Snaresbrook,
Essex.
Cook, John, "Gazette" Office, Paisley. Cosens, F. W., 27 Queen's Gate, Kensington, London,
W. (Tivo Copies). Culley, Matthew T., Couplaml Castle, Wooler,
Northumberland.
D ALGLI S H, Robert, Jun.,29 St. Vincent Place.Glasgow. Denny, Henry G., 37 Court Square, Boston, U.S.A. Derby, Right Hon. the Earl of, Knowsley, Prescot,
Lancashire. Devonshire, His Grace the Duke of, Devonshire House,
Piccadilly, London, W.
Dickson, Rev. Professor, D.D., University, Glasgow. Dodds, Rev. James, The Abbey, Paisley. Donald, C. D. (per Kerr & Richardson), Glasgow. Donaldson, Rev. John, Alpine Villa, Currie, Edinburgh
(per Thomas G. Stevenson). Donaldson, R., 77 St. Vincent Street, Glasgow.
EDINBURGH University Library, Edinburgh. Edmonds, Charles, 1 1 Bull Street, Birmingham. Ellis & White, 29 New Bond Street, London, W. Euing, William, 209 West George Street, Glasgow.
FAIRBAIRN, Rev. James, Laverockbank Terrace, Newhaven, Edinburgh.
Falconer, J. J. , Upper Phillimore Gardens, Kensington, London (per Thomas G. Stevenson).
Falconer, Thomas, Judge of County Courts, Usk, Monmouthshire.
Ferguson, Robert, Morton, Carlisle.
Fleming, James, 257 West George Street, Glasgow.
Fleming, John Gibson, M.D,, 155 Bath Street, Glasgow.
Fogo, D. F. Laurie, 20 Belmont Crescent, Glasgow.
Forster, John, Palace-Gate House, Kensington, Lon don, W.
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Glasgow.
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Ayrshire.
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Edinburgh (per Thomas G. Stevenson). Gray, George, County Buildings, Brunswick Street,
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Hill, George W., 6 Prince's Terrace, Dowanhill, Glas- go\v. _
Hill, William II., Barlanark, Shettleston, Glasgow.
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JACKSON, R. D., 4 Stanhope Street, Hyde Park, London, W.
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Jenkins, James, M.D., care of Hallet & Co., 7 St. Martin's Place, Trafalgar Square, London, W.C.
Johnson, Richard, Langton Oaks, Fallowfield, Man chester.
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N.W. Kershaw, John, Cross Gate, Audenshaw, Manchester
(per Thomas G. Stevenson). Knight, Joseph, 27 Camden Square, London, N.W.
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Lindsay, Alex., M.D., 101 West Nile Street, Glasgow.
Lingard, John R., 8 Booth Street, Piccadilly, Man chester.
Lingard, R. B. M., 10 Booth Street, Piccadilly, Man chester.
Lumsden, Sir James, 198 Bath Street, Glasgow.
Lyell, David, 6 Chalmers Crescent, Edinburgh.
M'COLL, Dugald, 108 West Nile Street, Glasgow. Macfarlane, Donald, Physical Laboratory, University,
Glasgow.
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Edinburgh (per Thomas G. Stevenson). Mackenzie, John Whitefoord, 16 Royal Circus, Edin burgh. Manchester, His Grace the Duke of, Kimbolton Castle,
St. Neot's, Hunts.
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House, Perthshire, Maxwell, Sir William, Bart., Monreith, Port- William,
Wigtownshire. Medlicott, W. G., Massachusetts, U.S.A. (per B.
Quaritch, 15 Piccadilly, London, W.) Moody, John, 353 Bath Street, Glasgow. Morison, Henry, 2 Derby Terrace, Glasgow. Mounsey, G. G., Castletown, Carlisle. Muir, James, 132 St. Vincent Street, Glasgow. Muntz, George H. M., Church Hill House, Handsworth,
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Glasgow.
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castle-on-Tyne (per W. Lyall, Librarian). Nichols, John Gough, F.S.A., Holmwood Park,
Dorking, Surrey.
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Manchester.
Priaulx, O. de Beauvoir, 8 Cavendish Sq., London, W. Proud foot, John, 150 Hope Street, Glasgow. Purves, W. S., Advocate, Edinburgh.
QUARITCH, Bernard, 15 Piccadilly, London, W.
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Square, London, W.) Smith, Alexander, Laurelbank Place, Shawlands,
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Edinburgh (per Thomas G. Stevenson). Stewart, Alexander B., 5 Buchanan Street, Glasgow.
TAYLOR, John, 12 Hope Street, Glasgow.
Tennant, Charles, The Glen, Innerleithen, Peeblesshire.
Tennant, John, of St. Rollox, 195 West George Street,
Glasgow.
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VEITCH, George Seton, 2 Oswald Road, Edinburgh. Vernon,G.V.,iOsborne Place, StretfordRd., Manchester.
WADDELL, Matthew, Meadowbank, Polmont, Lin-
lithgowshire.
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castle-on-Tyne. Western Club, Glasgow. Weston, George, 1 1 Gray's Inn Square, London, W.C.
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D I O G I N E S
LANTHORNE.
Athens I feeke for honeft men;
But I fhal finde the God knows when.
He fearch the Citie, where if I can fee One honeft man ; he fhal goe with me.
LONDON
Printed for Thomas Archer, and are to be folde at his Shop
in Popes-head Pallace, neere the Royall-
Exchange. 1607.
Prologue.
AN odde dayes worke Diogines once made, And 'twas to feeke an honeft man he faid. Through Athens with a Candle he did goe, When people fawe no caufe he fhould doe fo : For it was day-light and the Sunne did mine ; Yet he vnto a humour did incline To checke Mens manners with fome od-croffe left, Whereof he was continually poffeft. Full of reproofes where he abufes found ; And bolde to fpeake his minde, Who euer fround. He fpake as free to Alexanders face, As if the meaneft Plow-man were in place. Twas not mens perfons that he did refpecl: ; Nor any calling : Vice he durft detect. Imagine you doe fee him walke the ftreetes, And euery one's a knaue, with whome he meetes. Note their difcriptions ; which good cenfure craues Then judge if he haue caufe to count them knaues.
SAMVELL ROWLANDS.
A2
D i o G i N E s In his Lanthorn Humoure.
Ow fye vpon feeking
honeft men in knaues fkins, I am euen as weary as euer was Platoes Dogge. Not a Streete, Lane nor Alley in Athens but I haue trode it, and cannot meet a man wor thy the giuing good morowe too : why what rafkalles be thefe ? haue they banifht honeft men out of the Towne quite? Alas poore Vertue, what haft thou done to de- ferue this contempt? bafe is thy attyre, as thrid-bare in thy apparel as my Gowne: thy company out of re- queft, for thou haft walked fo long alone, that thou art euen walked away with thy felfe: ther's no goodnes to be found Al's fet vpon villany. Yonder walkes Bri bery, taken for an honeft fubftantiall graue Cittizen, I marry is he, pra'y make him one of your Common Counfell.
There goes Crueltye and Extortion, put off your hattes to him : tis well done, he is one of the principall and beft in the parifh, he hath borne all Offices and ne- uer did good : a moft abhominable rich fellowe, but how the deuill came he by his wealth? Widowes, wi- dowes, three or foure olde ruftie golcle-begetting wi-
A 3 dowes
Diogines Lanthorne.
dowes haue crown'd him with their wealths, and that wicked Mammon is dearer vnto him then his owne foule: Nay, if he had fiue thoufand foules, he would fell them all for fiue thoufand Dukcats of golde.
Stay, let me fee! what's he? Oh tis Prodigallitie and his whore, a Gentleman and a Gentlewoman, they are walking towards the fuburbs of a Bawdie- houfe for their recreation : yonder rides the Bawde in her Coach before, and they two come leyfurely (with the pox ) behinde, but will all m^ete together anone to make worke for the Chirurgio, who will anfwer their loofe bodyes with the fquirt.
Now He affure you though I laugh but fildome, I muft n^edes make merry with yonder Affe : why he is trapt for all the world like Alexanders horfe, fuch a Feather in's head, fo begarded, and the very fame trot : I haue knowne his Father well, he was a mod graue Senator (in regarde of his gray beard) and did much little good in the Cittie, got wealth, and pylde vp golde euen as they pyle vp ftockfifh in I/land, and now his Sonne ( the fecond parte of a foole ) has all, all : mary what doth he with it? (ftay, let me fnuffe my Candle and He tell you) euen like one of Sigiiieur Scatter- goods Polititians he deuides it into partes: A great portion for Dyeing, a good fumme for drinking, a par cel for whoring, a moytie for pride, a third for daun- cing, fix fhares and a halfe for fwaggering, and all the remayner for beggery. Walke along knaue, walke along.
Who haue we next comes creeping with the palfey in his ioynts, a great leather pouch by his fide as large a gammon of Bacon, his long ftockins, and a fide coat crofle-bard with veluet to his kn^es? ftay (light, light) let me fde! oh I know the damnd flaue, tis Mounfieur Vfury, what a leane lanke thin -gut it is: he lookes meruailous like a long emptie Cats -(kin purfle, I
would
6
Diogines Lanthorne:
would I had his fkin to make me a Sommer payre of Bufkins.
O what a bleffednes is it to me, that I neuer came into fuch a villaines clutches! What doe's he pray as he goes, his chaps walke fo faft? No, no, the rogue is ruminating vpon his pawnes, he chawes the Cud in contemplation of Bonds and Billes, I dare be fworne he neuer champes fo much vpon his dinner or fupper, for his paunch cryes out on him, and all the guttes in his pudding-houfe rumble and grumble at their (len der alowance. He obiects the olde prouerb to his belly, Many a Sacke is tyed vp before it be full. I would I had the dyeting of him fome month with my rootes, I would fend him deeper vnder ground then ere they grewe: the Canibal fhould neuer fe"ed more vpon poor men, & play the Dice-maker with their bones: hang him rogue hang him.
How now thou drunken knaue, canft not fe"e but re"ele upon me? I would I had bene ware of thee, thou fhouldft haue borne me a good bange with my ftafTe: what a flaue's this, as I Hue I was almoft downe.
Looke how his cloake hanges, one fide to his ankles and th 'other fide to his elbowe: his fleppes take the longitude and the latitude, hoyfe, hoyfe: This fellow is now (in his owne conceit) mightily ftrong, for he dares fight with any man : he is exceeding rich, fcornes money, and cares not for twenty thoufand pound: he is marueilous wife, and tut tel not him, for he knowes more the any man whatfoeuer. What's he that dares refufe to pledge him ? as fure as Death if he could feele or finde his Dagger, ftabbes would be dealt: harke how the villaine fweares, there's all his Hofteffe hath in pawne for his fcore, yet hee's a paffmg good Cufto- mer for vtterance, about a Barrell a day goes downe his gutter. So take him in there at the red Lattice, he has caft Ancker at the blew Ancker for this day, fill
him
Diogines Lanthorne.
him of the bed, for hee is euen one of the beft gueftes that euer tooke vp fodden water with chalk -ccredite on a port. Out vpon him, out vpon him, He reade his Deftinie, dye in a ditch knaue, or end in an Hofpitall Rafcall, chufe whether thou wilt.
How lookes yonder fellow? whats the matter with him trow? has a eaten Bul-beefe? there's a lofty flaue indeede, hee's in the altitudes : Oh ift you Maifter Ambition ? I would be glad to fee you hang'd awhile, for an old acquaintance: A great man with the Em peror ile allure you, a great man with the Emperor: his voice is heard in the Court now, and his Fathers voice was wont to be heard in the Cittie: for I haue heard him many a time and often crye broomes in A- thcns\ a good plaine honed man, and delt much with old fhooes: I heard him once tell this proud knaue (be ing then a Boy) a good difcourfe of luftice out of a Broome : Sirra faid he, heere's Birch to correc~le you in Child -hood, and when you growe to be a great lub ber, heere's a ftaffe to be-labour you: If that will not ferue to amend you, why then heere's euen a With to hang you vp: Amen fay I, hee's growing towards it apace: afpiring to rife hie, plotting to be mightie: and what tooles has a out of the deuils fhop for this worke? Treafon, Treafon he will afcend by Treafon, though he climbe the Gallowes for it, and cracke his necke in comming downe againe. If I falute him, and put off my cap, I would my Lanthorne were in my belly. Vertue fcornes him, I know him not: ftrout along fir- ra, ftrout along, for thou haft not long to ftrout it.
More knaues abroad yet? yonders Bofting & Pre- fumption, I hold my life as old as I am ile take his Rapier from him with my walking ftaff, he is al found and breath; tongue and talk; feares no man, cares for no man, beholding to no man: but trie his valour, put him to it, fee whats in him, dare him to the proofe, and
there's
Diogines Lanthorne:
there's mine emptie fellowe like a water bubble flying in the ayre till a puffe cracke him : I neuer knew ( fi nee I knew reafon) a wordie fellow prooue a worthy fel low: a man muft fet his hand to his man-hood and rin ger it, 'twil not be had with wounds and blood, hart and nayles, as euery rafcally knaue makes account: when two Curres me"ete, all the while they bark they haue no leyfure to bite: Alexander had a bragging Soldier that fwore he had kild flue hundred men with fillips, yet this fellowe fware the peace againft a wo man that had broken his head with his owne dagger: and tother day I followed a couple of notorious brag garts into the field, one fware he would imbrewe his Rapier hilts in the bowels of his foe, the other vowed to make him eate iron and fteele like an Eftrige: whe they came to the place appoynted, both drew their wea pons, layd them prefently downe, and went to buffetts for a blody nofe, which I feeing, ran to the towne and cry'd murder, murder, & fo brought three hundred peo ple togeather to laugh at them, I tould tell many like examples of Signieur feather cap and his fellow, but that I fpy another knaue cominge, that puts me out. Tis, Contention (nay ile go low enough to the kenel, y fhalt not iuftle me for the wall) looke how a flares fee how a frownes, he has had a poore man in law this three yeare, for bidding his dog Come out cuc kolds curre, yet if the dogge could fpeake he would beare witnes againft his maifter for home worke that he hath feene wrought by his myftris in her cha- ber to make her hufband night caps of.
Oh ftrife is the fom of his defires, tis the folace of his fowle, he is neuer well at harts eafe if he be not wranglinge with one or other: ile try it by law (fayes hee ) the law fhall iudge it : ile come to no agreement but law, ile pynch him by law, I haue a hundred poud to fpend at law, and all law, law: yet he himfelfe
B is
Diogines Lanthorne.
is altogether voyd of equitie: hee'l neither take wrong nor doe right: bytes his poore neighbour doggedly by the backe, fcornes his Superiour, tramples vpon his inferiour, and fo he may be wrangling, cares not with whome it be, to ke"epe his hand in vre. He neuer went to bed in charitie in his life, nor neuer wakes without meditating (hrewd turnes. Oh he loues wonderfully to be feeding on the bread of ftrife, and immitates the Camels which delight to drink in troubled pooles: well he fhall ioyne no neighbour-hood with me for it: my Tunne ftands farre inough off from his houfe: I had rather haue a Beare to my next neighbour, then fuch a brabling rafcall, goe walke a knaue in the horfe-faire, I haue nothing to fay to the"e but farwel and be hangd, and when th'art going that iourney, take all thy fel- lowes with th6e.
Well met, or rather ill met Hipocrijie: Ah thou fmooth face villaine with the fawning tongue, art thou become a Citizen too? then looke about you plaine fel- lowes, you fhall be fure to want no deceite: he hates fwearing, fo doe I: tis well doone to hate it, but he loues lying, and wil ouer-reach you in a bad bargaine or with falfe weight and meafure: Yes indeed, I truly will he. H6ele figh and fay ther's no Confcience now- adayes, and then makes his owne actions beare wit- nes to it : by yea and nay if he can he will deceiue you.
Looke to his handes, harken not to his tongue, and fay I haue giuen you faire warning, For a Philofo- pher hath bene coufned by him. I had rather haue it faid, Diogines was deceiued, then to heare it repor ted he is a deceiuer. I payde for a better Cap then I weare, and my gowne is fcarce worth halfe the money it coft me, marry what remedie? nothing: I haue learn'd by it onely A knacke to knowe a Knaue: and while I liue ile looke better to Yes truelye, and / indeed: Hipocrijie fhall neuer fell me good wordes againe while he liues: Ile neu'r buye breath more for
money
10
Diogines Lanthorne :
money. If a Theife fhould meete me going home, and take away my purffe, I would fay I met with an ho- nefter man then hee that coufon'd me in the buying of my Gowne, for the Theife would proue a man of his worde, and tell me what I fhould truft to in the pe remptory tearmes of Stand, deliuer your Purffe.
But my Gowne-brother, he promift me good ftuffe truly, a great peny- worth indeed, and verily did gull me. But let him take leaue of my purffe, heVs a vil- laine, an arrant villaine, and I could euen finde in my harte to eat his Liuer fry'd with Parfley to morowe morning for my breakfaft.
How now, what's the matter? whether goes all this hurly burly? heer's a clutter indeed. Now I fe*e, now I f6e. Coufnage the Swaggerer is caryed to pri- fon : I heare the people fay he hath ftab'd the Confta- ble, beate the Watch, broke the Tapfters head, and lyen with his Hofteffe.
Heer's no villaine: pray' fearch his pockets, I tolde you afmuch: falfe hart, falfe hand, and falfe dice: what crooked tooles are thofe in's tother pocket ? pick-locks, pick-lockes: This fellowe Hues by his wits, but yet longs not to Wits Common wealth: he fweares he is a gentleman : I but of what houfe ? marry Cheaters Ordinary: an Ingenious flaue that workes a liuing out of hard bones, and has it at his fingers ends : eue- ry man him is a very rogue and a bafe gull : He threatens ftabs and death, with hart, wounds & blood, yet a bloody nofe hath made him call for a Chirurgion. He fcornes to dwel in a fuite of apparell a weeke : this day in fattin, to morow in fackcloath: one d ayll new, the next day all feam-rent: now on his backe, anon at the brokers: & this by his reckning is a gentlemans humour. Sure I cannot deny but it may be fo, but I pray' then what humor is the gentlema in ? he is neuer ( in my opinion ) like to prooue gentlema by the humor.
B 2 Away
ii
Diogines Lanthorne.
Away with him, away with him, make fure worke, chayne and kennell him vp in layle, make him a knight of the dolorous caftell.
He wil do better farr tyed vp, then loofe at lyberty, let him not play the wandring pilgrim in any cafe, ther's no remedy for fuch wilde fellowes but to tame them in the dungeon of darkenes: follow him clofe watch men with your halberts, leaft he fhow you a new daunce call'd run-awayes galliard. So, fo, by this tyme he lyes where hee's like to proue lowfie, if there be not fome fpeedy remedy vf'd, with a medecine made of hempe feede, to kill his ytche.
Who haue we next pra'y? I fliould know him by his villanous, fcuruy looks, a makes a wry mouth, & has a grinninge countenance, for all the world like Detraction, why tis he indeed: a rope ftretch him, has not the crowes peckt out his eyes yet? See how hee laughs to him felfe, at yonder playne gentlewoman in the old fafhon, becaufe fhe ha's not the trafli & trum pery of miftris Loofe-legges about her.
Doft thou deride Cyuility knaue? is decency become rediculous? looke vpon thy felfe, thou rafcall, looke vpon thy felfe, whom al the wifemen in the world may laugh to fcorne indeede.
Thou haft nothinge in thee, (if thy infide were tur ned outward) worthy of the leaft commendation, and yet fuch villains wil euer be fcoffing ( deriding and de tracting, from thofe of the beft fpirrits and worthyeft endeuours) learned mens workes, induftrious mens trauells, graue mens counfells, famous mens vertues, and wife mens artes, Detraction wil fpit venome at: nothing is well done that flowes not from his durty Inuention: he has fcoffes for them he knowes not, and iefts for thofe he neuer faw, what a world's this ? when a foole mail cenfure a Philofopher ? a doult, an ideot ? one that hath wit in's heele & head alike to condemne
and
12
Diogines Lanthorne.
and depraue natures miracles for wit and wifdome.
This is he that can mend euerie thing that is ready made to his hand, detracting from the worthines of euerie mans work: tis a villaine, a right villaine bred and borne, he came not long fmce along my tub-houfe and fcoffing at mee, afked why I made it not a tap- houfe ? Mary ( quoth 1)1 haue determined fo to doe, but I want fuch a Rogue as thou art, to make mee a figne of: with that a cal'd me Dogge. Said I, thou didft neuer heare me barke, but thou malt feele mee bite, and fo thruft my pike-ftaffe through his cheekes, that I made his teeth chatter in his head like a viper as he is.
Nay then we fhal neuer haue done: looke where le- lojie is, as yellowe as if hee had the yellow laundice : his wife's an honeft woman in my confcience, loyall and true in wedlocke, but becaufe hee like a fornica ting rafcall vfes common Curtezans, hee thinkes her curtefies and theirs are al alike to euerie man, come who will: his eyes followe her feete wherfoeuer me goes : if any friend falute her, mee dares not replie, but mnft paffe ftrager-like without any mow of curtefie: he fweares fhee's a whore, and himfelf a large horn'd cuckold, all be to runne butt with all Cuckolds in the Towne.
Nay hee's growne to fuch out rage, that he is e- uen franticke with lealoujle, fometimes offering to lay wagers y no Bull dares encouter with his head, and that his homes are more pretious then any Vni- corne\ the Haberdafher cannot fit him with a Hat wide enough: the Barbor cannot trim his fore head clofe enough, and yet the pox hath made his beard thin enough: he faies he thinkes there's not an honeft wo man in Athens to his knowledge, and the reafon is, he is familiar with none but whores. A bawdie houfe is for his bodily exercife, and hee cannot liue without
his
B3
13
Diogines Lanthorne.
his letchery, he hath whores of all coplexions, whores
of all fyzes, and whores of all defeafes : and this is the
caufe that the vilanous fellow de"ems all to be whores.
But maifters marke the end of him that hath beene
laide fiue times of the pox : if he be not throughly fren-
chefied, and well peper'd for his venerie, then wil I for
feauen yeares eate hay with a horfe: wel He crofle the
way to tothor fide the ftreete, before hee come too nie
me, I dare not indure him, tis good fleeping in a found
fkinne: I would not be in's coate for Alexanders rich
gowne, out (linking knaue out. Hold off thy Cart
knaue, wilt ouer runne me? thy horfe hath more ho-
neftie in him then thou, for he auoides mee, and thou
drawft vpon me. So Villaine fo, curfe the creature
that gets thy liuing, & fee how thou wilt thriue by it.
Thou blinde knaue Porter, dooft rufh vpon me with
thy bafket, and then faift by your leaue? belike thou
meanft to iuftell me againe, for thou didft afke no leaue
the firft time beforehand, what brutifh flaues doe I
meete with? my ftaffe fhall meete with fome of you a-
non, take thou that knaue, for crying broomes fo loud
in mine eares, heeres a quoile indeed : your cittie fhuf-
lings, rumbling, and tumbling, is not for my humor.
What a filthie throat has that Oyfter wife, I thinke
twill eccho in my braine-pan this houre. This is the
raging ftreete of out-cries, ile outwalke it with al the
fpeede I can.
Hetherto haue I met with neuer an honeft man, well, ile burne out my Candles end, and then make an end and get me home. So, this is good to begin with- all, had your ftreete neuer a knaue to enconnter my firft entrance but Difcord? Malum Omen, Malum Omen, This is he that fets countries and kingdoms together by the eares, breedes Cittie mutinies, and domefticall contentions, Prince againft Prince, nati on againft nation, kindred, neighbour, friend all at
varience.
Diogines Lanthorne.
varience, This is he that calles Peace with her palme tree, idle hufwife, and foundes defiance through out the whole world : you are wrong'd ( faies he ) put not vp fuch a vile indignitie, this difgrace no manhood can indure, your valour and reputation is in ftate of prejudice, tis wounded by fuch a one, and you cannot in any wife put it vp, for the whole world takes notice of it, and all men will cenfure you.
This is the Rafcall that made me fall out with Plato, call him proud fellow, and trample vppon his bed, becaufe it was fomewhat hansomer and better deckt then mine. In all his life time, (and ile affure you tis an old, gray, leane, drie, rotten bond villaine ) did hee neuer mow cheerefull countenance but at the fight of fome mifchiefe: he would rather byte his tong thorow then bid any man good morrow. So fo, now it workes, hee's got amongft a crew of fcolding fifh- wiues, off goes her head ittire, haue at tothers throate, too her green waft -coat, why now it works like waxe.
Thruft in Cut-purfe, for theres good penniworths to be had amongft them, thy trade is like to be quicke by and by, cuftomers come apace, make a priuie fearch without a Conftable, ile ftay no longer with you, a rope rid you al. Now fie vpo thee flouenly knaue, whe didft thou warn thy face? Heeres Sloath right in his kinder the hat he weares all day, at euening becomes his night -cap: his frieze gowne fconce, wherein he in trenches himfelfe, is at leaft thirtie thoufand ftrong: Garter thy hofe beaft, garter thy hofe, or will the pox indure no garters ?
This fellowe I remember comming to a Fig-tree, beeing fo extreame lazie that hee could not ftretch his arme out to gather any, laide himfelfe downe vppon his backe, and gaping cried :
Sweete
Diogines Lanthorne.
Sweete Figges drop downe in yeelding wife, For Lazie will not let me rife.
This is he that rifeth late, and goes earely to bed, vp to eate, and downe to fleepe : fcornes labour, for hee is as ftiffe ioynted as the Elaphant, and rather then he would indure halfe an howers labour, hee would willingly chufe a whole howres hanging. I know no vse in the world for him, except to keep the Citie bread from moulding, and the townes liquor from fowring.
This is he, that lying at eafe vpon his backe, where a cart was to pafle, intreated the Carman to draw ea- fie ouer him, for he could not rife yet til his tafie fit was paft. this is he that could rather be lowfie then endure to haue his fhirt wafh'd, and had rather goe to bed in hofe and fhooes, then ftoope to pull them off, Hee's fit ted with a wife euen pat of his owne humor, for tother day heating broth for her Husbands breakefaft, the Cat cride mew in the porredge-pot, wife ( faid he) take out poore puffe, alas how came fhee there? with that fhe tooke out the Cat by the eare, and ftroking off the porredge from her into the pot, they two went louing- ly to breakefaft with it.
A fhame take them both for filthie companions, for their broth is abhominable: who! then we fhall neuer haue done, heeres hell broke loofe, fwarming together. Deri/Ion, hee goes before, and fcoffes euerie man hee meetes: doft laugh at my Lanthorne knaue, becaufe I vfe Candle-light by day? why villaine tis to feeke fuch as you'le neuer be, Hone/I men.
Violence he walkes with him, heele doe iniurie to his owne Father if he can, al that he weares on's back and all that he puts in's belly, is got by oppreflion, wrong, and crueltie, he cares not how he get it, fo hee get it, nor from whence he rake it, fo he haue it.
Ingratitude makes one in their confort, an inhu mane
16
Diogines Lanthorne.
mane and vnciuill fauadge, if a man fhould doe him a thoufand good turnes in a day, he would neuer giue a thoufand good wordes in a yeare for them.
Impatience is another of their fraternity: a raging knaue, an vnquiet turbulent rogue: heVle allow time for nothing, al's at a minutes warning that he cals for, or heVle rage, rayle, curffe and fwear, that a wife man would not for ten pound be within ten myles of him.
Who's the other? holde vp thy head knaue: Oh tis Dulnes, the moft notorious block-head that euer pift, Inftru6le him till your tongue ake, he has no eares for you: theres nothing in him but the Affes vertue, thats dull melancholy: how lumpifh a lookes? out rafcalles out: Now a murraine take you all, I did neuer make a worfe dayes worke in my life then I haue done to day: h^ere's a Cittie well bleft, tis well prouided I warrant you. If a man fhould ne"ed an honeft mans help, where fhould he find him? Well farwel Athens, I and my Tubbe fcorne the'e and thy Cittizens.
Diogines loft labour.
7~) Hilofopher, thy labour is in vaine, •* Put out thy Candle, get th^e home againe, If company of honeft men thou lacke, They are fo fcarce, thou muft alone goe backe. But if thou pleafe to take fome knaues along, Giue but a becke, and ftore will flocke and throng. He that did vomit out his houfe and land, Euen with a wincke, will ready come to hand. And he of whome thou didft ten fhillings craue, As thinking nere againe his almes to haue
C Becaufe
Diogines Lanthorne.
Becaufe he was a prodigall, in wafte,
And to vndoe him-felfe made wondrous hafte.
If thou haft roome to ftooe him in thy Tunne,
He will be ready both to goe and runne.
Or thofe fame drunken Fidlers, thou didft finde
A tuning wood, when they them-felues were blinde,
Whome thou didft with thy ftafFe belabour well:
They'le fing about the Tub where thou doft dwell
All thofe that were prefented to thy fight,
When thou fought'ft honeft men by Candle-light,
Make a ftep backe, they in the Cittie be"e,
With many hundreds which thou didft not f<6e.
Houfes of rafcalles, mops euen full of knaues,
Tauerne and Ale-houfe fild with drunken flaues.
Your Ordinaries and your common -Innes
Are whole -fale ware-houfes of common fmnes.
Into a bawdy houfe thou didft not looke,
Nor any notice of their caperings tooke. ( ftraps
Bawds with their Puncks, and Padners with their
Whores with their feathers in their veluet caps.
Thofe Sallamanders that doe bathe in fier,
And make a trade of burning lufts defire.
That doe falute them whome they entertaine,
With A pox take you till we meete againe.
Nor thofe which daily, Nouices entice,
To lend them money vpon cheating Dice.
And in the Bowling-alleys rooke with betting,
By thr6e, and foure to one, moft bafely getting.
All thefe vnf^ene, appeare not to thy face,
With many a Cut-purfie in the market place.
That fearches pockets being filuer lynde,
If Counterfets about men he can finde.
And hath Commifiion for it fo to deale
Vnder the hang -mans warrant, hand, & feale.
Innume-
iS
Diogines Lanthorne:
Innumerable fuch I could repeat, That vfe the craft of Coney- catch and cheat, The Citties vermin, worffe then Rats and Mice, But leaue the actors, to reward of vice : He that reproues it, fhowes a deteftation, He that corrects it, workes a reformation. Who doe more wrongs and iniuryes abide Then honeft men that are beft quallifide ? They that doe offer leaft abufe to any, Muft be prepared for enduring many. Buthe'er's the comfort that the Vertuous finde : Their Hell is firft, their Heauen is behinde.
Diogines Morralls.
Cocke ftood crowing proud,
Faft by a riuer fide : A Goofe in water hyft at him And did him much deride: The Cocke in choler grew, vowing by him that made him, That he would fight with that bafe Goofe Though all his Hennes diffwade him. Come but afhore ( quoth he ) White lyuer, if thou dare, And thou fhalt fee a bloody day, Thy throat mall foone be bare. Bafe craven ( faid the Goofe ) I fcorne to beare the minde To come afhore, amongft a crewe Of fcraping donghill kinde : Thy Hennes will backe th6e there, Come hether chaunting flaue :
C 2 And
Diogines Lanthorne.
And in the water hand to hand, A Combat we will haue. He"er's none to interprete, I challenge the*e come he"ere: If there be valour in thy combe Why let it now appe*ere. Enter thy watery field, He fpoyle thy Crowing quite: Why doft not come? oh now I f<6e Thou haft no hart to fight. With that the Cocke replide, There was no want in him : But fure the water was fo bad, It would not let him fwim.
Morrall.
/T happens alwayes thus When Cowards doe contend: With wrangling wordes they doe begin And with thofe weapons end. Nothing but vaunts are vfd, Till try all Jlwuld be made: And w/ien they come to action Each of other arc affraide. Then for to keep skinnes whole, It is a common vfe: To enter in fome drunken league, Or make a cowards fcufe.
A great
20
Diogines Lanthorne:
Great affembly met of Mice,
Who with them-felues did take aduice
What plot by policye to fhape,
How they the bloody Cats might fcape.
At length, a graue and auncient Moufe
( Belike the wifeft in the houfe )
Gaue Counfaile ( which they all lik'd well )
That eu'ry Cat mould weare a Bell :
For fo ( quoth he ) we mall them heare,
And flye the daunger which we feare.
If we but heare a Bell to ting
At eating Cheefe, or any thing,
When we are bufie with the nippe,
Into a hole we ftraite may fkippe.
This aboue all they lyked beft :
But quoth one Moufe vnto the reft,
Which of vs all dare be fo fhout,
To hang the Belles, Cats neckes about,
If heere be any, let him fpeake :
Then all reply' d, we are too weake.
The ftouteft Moufe, and talleft Rat,
Do tremble at a grim-fac'd Cat.
Morrall.
'T^Hus fares it with the weake,
•*• Whome 'mighty men doe wrong: They by complaint may wijh redreffe, But none of force fo Jlrong To worke their owne content: For etiery one doth feare, Where cruelty doth make abode To come in prefence there.
The C3
21
Diogines Lanthorne.
HT^He Owle being weary of the night
-L Would progrefle in the Sunne, To fee the little Birds delight, And what by them was done. But comming to a (lately groue, Adorn'd with gallant greene, Where yeares proud fea, Summer ftroue Moft beautious to be fe"ene. He lights no fooner on a tre"e That Summers lyuerie weares : But all the little Birds that be Ware flock'd about his eares. Such wondring and fuch noyfe they kept, Such chirping, and fuch peeping : The Owle for anger could haue wept, Had not fhame hindred weeping. At length he made a folemne vow And thus vnto them fpake : You haue your time of pleafure now An Owle of me to make, But ere to morowe light appe"ere In dawning of the Eaft: Fiue hundreth of you that are hdere I will difpatch at leaft: If that I crufh you not moft rare, Why then loue let me dye : A Tittimoufe I will not fpare, Nor the leaft Wren doth flye. And fo at night when all was hufh, The Owle with furious minde, Did fearch and prye in eu'ry bufh With fight when they were blinde. He rent their flefli and bones did breake, Their feathers flewe in th' aire :
And
22
Diogines Lanthorne.
And cruelly with bloody beake Thofe little creatures teare. Now am I well reueng'd ( quoth he ) For that which you haue done : And quited all my wrongs by Moone, Were offred in the Sunne.
Morrall.
Ainft mightie one, the weake ofjirength
May not them-felues oppofe: For if they doe, twill proue at length, To wall the weakeft goes. The little Jhrubs muft not contend Again/I the taller Trees, Nor meaner forte feeke to offend Their betters in degrees. For though amongfl their owne conforts, Superiours they deride: And wrong them much by falfe reports, At length Time turnes the Tide. There comes a change, the wils they wrought Infelfe conceit thought good: May be in the'nd too deerly bought Euen with the price of blood.
ACobler kept a fcuruye Crowe, A Bird of bafeft kinde, And paines inough he did beftowe To worke her to his minde. At length he taught her very well To fpeake out very lowde :
God
23
Diogines Lanthorne.
God fane the King, and troth to tel,
The Cobler then grew prowde.
She was too good to hop about
Vpon his Olde-fhooe ftall:
But he vnto the Court would ftrout
His Bird fhould put downe all
Their paynted Parrats, So he went
To Ccefar with lacke-dazve,
And faid to him, he did prefent
Bed Bird that ere he fawe.
The Monarch gracious minde did fliowe
For Coblers poore good will :
And made a Courtier of the Crowe,
Where he remaind, vntill
He (landing in a windowe, fpy'd
His fellowes flye along:
And knew the language which they cry'd,
Was his owne mother fong,
Away goes he the way they went,
And altogether flye,
A poore dead Horfe to teare and rent
That in a ditch did lye.
When they had fhar'd him to the bone
Not a Crowes mouthful left :
To a Corne- field they flye each -one
And there they fall to theft.
This life the Coblers Crowe did chufe,
Pick's liuing out of ftrawe :
And Courtly dyet did refufe
Euen like a foolifh Dawe.
Morrall.
Diogines Lanthorne. Morrall
T T EE that from bafenes doth deriue, •*• *• The roote of his difcent: And by preferment chaunce to thriue The way that lack-daw went:
Whether in court or common wealth, In Cittie, or in towne, How ere he pledge good Fortunes health, Heele Hue and dye a Clowne, Dawes, will be dawes, though gradd in court Crowes will to carrion Jiill, Like euer vnto like refort, The bad embrace the ill, And though euenfrom a Coblersjlall, Hepurchafe land, what then, With coblers heele conuerfe with- all, Rather then better men.
r I ^He Lyon, in a humour once,
JL As with his pleafure ftood, Commaunded that on paine of death, Home beafts fhould voide the wood, Not any one to tarry there, That had an armed head, This was no fooner publifh'd forth But many hundreds fled The Hart, the Bucke, the Vnicorne, Ram, Bull, and Goate confent With haft, poft-haft to run away Their daungers to preuent.
With D
Diogines Lanthorne.
With this fame crew, of horned kinde
That were perplexed fo
A beaft conforts, vpon whofe head,
Only a Wenn did grow.
The Fox met him, and faid thou foole,
Why whether doeft thou run?
Marry ( quoth he ) to faue my life
Hear' ft thou not what is done?
Home creatures all haue banifhment
And muft auoide the place,
For they are charg'd vpon their Hues,
Euen by the Lyons grace.
Trew ( faid the Foxe ) I know it well
But what is that to thee?
Thou haft no home, thy wen is flefh,
T'is euident to fe"e.
I graunt ( quoth he ) t'is fo inde"ede,
Yet nere-theleffe, He fly,
For ift be taken for a home
Pray in what cafe am I ?
Sure ( faid the Fox ) it's wifely done
I blame th6e not in this,
For many wrongs are dayly wrought,
By taking thinges amifie.
Morrall
Jfi/'Ife-men will euer doubt the worft.
In what they take in hand, Andfeeke that free from allfufpefl, They may fecurely Jland, Remouing euery leaft offence, That may a daunger breed.
For
26
Diogines Lanthorne.
For when a man is in the pit,
It is to late take heede
If mighty men doe cenfure wrong,
How JJtall the weake refeft?
It is in vaine contend with him
That can doe what he lift,
The beft and moft repofed life,
That any man canfinde,
Is this; to keepe his confcience free
From fpotted guilty minde.
sfSauage creature chaunc'd to come, ^tfjE Where ciuill peopled welt Whom they did kindely entertayne, And curteous with him delt. They fed him with their choyceft fare To make his welcome knowne, And diuers wayes, their humane loue Was to the wilde man fhowne. At length ( the weather being colde ) One of them blew his nayles, The Sauage afk'd why he did fo ? And what his fingers ayles ? Marry ( quoth he ) I make them warme, That are both colde and numme, And fo they fet them downe to boord, For fupper time was come. The man that blew his nayles before, Vpon his broth did blow: Friend, fayes the Sauage what meanes this, I pree thee let me know? My broth ( faid he ) is ouer hot, And I doe coole it thus :
D 2 Fare-
27
Diogines Lanthorne.
Farewell ( quoth he ) this de*ede of thine
For euer parteth vs,
Haft thou a breath blowes hot and colde,
Euen at thy vvifh and will?
I am not for thy company,
Pray ke"epe thy fupper ftill
And heate thy hands, and coole thy broth
As I haue feene the'e doo,
Such double dealers as thy felfe,
I haue no minde vnto,
But will retire vnto the woods,
Where I to-fore haue bin,
Refoluing euery double tongue
Hath hollow hart within.
Morrall.
/I Heedefull care wee ought to /taue, •** When we doe f rends eleft The pleafeing gefture and good wordes Wee are not to refpefl, For curteous cariage oftentimes May haue an ill intent: And gratious wordes may gracelejfe proue, Without the harts confent. Let all auoyde a double tongue For in it ther's no trujl, And bani/Jifuch the company, Of Jwneft men meane iujl: A counterfeits focietie Is neuer free from daunger And that man Hues mojl happy life, Can Hue to fuch ajlraunger.
When
28
Diogines Lanthorne.
"W'VT'Hen winters rage, and cruell ftormes,
Of euery pleafant tree, Had made the boughs ftarke naked all, As bare, as bare might be, And not a flower left in field, Nor green e on bufh or brier: But all was rob'd in pitteous plight, Of Sommers rich attire, The Grajfe-hopper in great diftreffe, Vnto the Ant did come And faid deere friend I pine for foode, I prethee giue me fome. Thou art not in extreames with me, I know thy euer care For winters want, and hard diftreffe In Sommer doth prepare, Know'ft thou my care, replyd the Ant? And doeft thou like it well? Wherefore prouid'ft not thou the like ? Pray the"e Grajfe-hopper tell ? Marry ( faid he ) the Sommer time I pleafantly doe paffe, And fmg it ont moft merily, In the delightfull graffe, I take no care for time to come, My minde is on my fong, I thinke the glorious funne-fhine dayes Are euerlafting long. When thou art hording vp thy foode, Againft thefe hungry dayes Inclined vnto prouidence, Pleafure I onely praife. This is the caufe I come to the"e, To help me with thy ftore.
D 3 Thou
29
Diogines Lanthorne.
Thou art deceiu'd friend faid the Ant, I labour'd not therefore. T'was not for you I did prouide, With tedious toyle-fome paynes: But that my felfe of labours paft Might haue the future gaynes. Such idle ones muft buy their wit, T'is beft when deerely bought : And note this leffon to your fhame, Which by the Ant is taught, If Sommer be your fmging time, When you doe merry mako : Let Winter be your weeping time, When you muft pennance take.
Morrall.
J\TEglec~l not time, for pretious Time, •*• * Is not at thy commaund, But in thy youth and ableftrength, Giue prouidence thy hand. Repofe not trujl in others helpe, For when mifforturi s fall, Thou mayft complaine and pine in want, But friends will vanifh all. They'le heape reproof es vpon thy head, And tell thy follies paft: And all thy aEles of negligence, Euen in thy teeth will caft: Thou mighfft haue got, thou might ft haue gairid, And liued like a man: Thus will they fpeake filling thy foule, With extreame pajjion than:
Pre
Diogines Lanthorne.
Preuent this foolijh after wit, That comes when fis to late: And tmft not ouermuch to f rends, To helpe thy hard ejlate. Make youth the Sommer of thy life, And therein loyter not: And thinke the Winter of olde age, Willfpend what Sommer got.
/I Luftie begger that was blind, •* •* But very ftrong of limbe : Agreed with one was lame of legges, That he would carry him. And tother was to guide the way, ( For he had perfeft fight: ) Vpon condition, all they got, Should ftill be fhar'd at night. So as they chaunc'd to pafle along, The Cripple that had eyes, Sitting vpon the blind mans backe, On ground an Oyfter fpyes. Stoope take that Oyfter vp ( quoth he ) Which at thy f£ete lyes there: And fo he did, and put it in, The fcripp which he did weare. But going on a little way, Sayes cripple, to the blinde: Giue me the Oyfter thou tookft vp, I haue thereto a mynde. Not fo faid tother by your leaue, In vaine you do intreate it: For fure I ke"epe it for my felfe, And doe intend to eate-it,
He
Diogines Lanthorne.
He haue it fir the Cripple fwore,
Who fpide it, thou or I ?
If that I had not feene, and fpoke
Thou wouldft haue pafled by.
It is no matter faid the blind
Thou know'ft it might haue lyen,
Had I not ftoopt and tooke it vp
Therefore it mall be mine.
And fo they hotly fell to wordes,
And out in choller brake
With thou lame rogue, and thou blind knaue,
Not caring what they fpake.
At length it happen'd one came by
And heard them thus contend,
And did entreat them, both that he,
Might this their difcord end.
They yeild, and fay it fhall be fo,
Then he Inquiring all,
Did heare their league, and how about
An Oyfter they did brail.
Said he, my mayfters let me f<£e
This Oyfter makes fuch ftrife,
The blindman forthwith gaue it him
Who prefent drew his knife,
And ope'ning it, eate vp the fame,
Giuing them each a fhell
And faid good fellowes now be freinds,
I haue your fifh, Farewell.
The beggers both deluded thus,
At their owne folly fmilde,
And faid one fubtill crafty knaue,
Had two poore fooles beguilde.
Morrall.
Diogines Lanthorne.
MorralL
J/"[/rHen men for trifles will contend,
And vainely dif agree: That oftefor nothing friend and friend, At daggers drawing be. When no difcretion tJiere is vf'de, To qualifie offence: But reafon is by will abufd, And anger doth incenfe. When fame infuryfeeke their wi/h, And feme in mallice fwels : Perhaps fome Lawyer takes the Fiffi, And leaues his clyent JJiels. Then when their folly once appeares, They ouer late complayne: And wi/Ji the wit of fore -gone year es, Were now to buy againe.
T/T/rIthm a groue, a gallant groue,
That wore gr^ene Sommers fute, An Oxe, an Affe, an Ape, a Fox, Each other kinde falute. And louingly like friends embrace, And much good manners vfe : At length fayes th' Oxe, vnto the Affe, I pray the"e friend what newes? The Affe look'd fad, and thus reply'd, No newes at all quoth he : But I grow euer difcontent, When I doe m£ete with the"e.
E The
33
Diogines Lanthorne.
The Oxe look'd ftrange, and flapping back,
Quoth he de*ere neighbour Afle :
Haue I wrong'd th6e in all my life,
Mouthfull of Hay or Grafle?
Aflure thy felfe if that I had,
T'would gre*eue me very much:
No kinde bedfellow faid the Affe,
My meaning is not fuch.
On Jupiter I doe complayne,
T'is he wrongs me alone :
In arming th6e with thofe large homes,
And I poore wretch haue none.
Thou wearfl two weapons on thy head,
Thy body to defend :
Againfl the flouted dogge that barkes,
Thou boldly dar'fl contend.
When I haue nothing but my fkinne,
With two long foolifh eares,
And not the bafefl Goofe that Hues,
My hate or fury feares.
This makes me fad and dull, and flow,
And of a heauy pace :
When eu'ry fcuruy fhepheards curr,
Doth braue me to my face.
Sure quoth the Ape, as thou art greeu'd,
So I hard dealing finde :
Looke on the Fox, and looke on me,
Pray view vs well behinde.
And thou wilt fweare, I know thou wilt,
Except thy eye -fight fayles:
That Nature lack'd a payre of eyes,
When fhe made both our tayles.
I wonder what her reafon was,
To alter thus our fliapes :
Thers
34
Diogines Lanthorne.
Ther's not a Fox, but hath a tayle,
Would ferue a dozen Apes.
Yet we thou feeft goe bare-arfe all,
For each man to deride :
I tell thee brother Affe I blufh,
To fee mine owne, back e- fide.
I muft endure a thoufand lefts,
A thoufand fcoffes and fcornes:
Nature deales bad with me for tayle,
And hard with the"e for homes.
With this the ground began to ftirr,
And forth a little hole,
A creeping foure legg'd creature came,
A thing is call'd a Mole.
Quoth he my mayflers I haue heard,
What faults you two doe finde :
B'out Tayle and Homes, pray looke on me,
By Nature formed blinde.
You haue no caufe thus to complaine,
Of your, and your defect,
Nor vfe dame Nature hard with wordes,
If me doe you refpecl:.
The things for which you both complaine,
Are vnto me deni'de :
And that with patience I endure,
And more, am blind befide.
MorralL
JX7Ee ought complaine, repine and grudge
At our dijlike eftate:
And deeme ourfelues, (our felues notpleafd) To be vnfortunate.
E 2 Now
35
Diogines Lanthorne.
None march* d with more extreame then wee, None plung'd inforrowfo: When not by thoufand parts of want, Our neighbours grief es ive know. Mojl men that Jiaue fufficiencie, To ferue for natures neede: Doe wrong the God of Nature, And vngrateftilly proceede. They looke on otJiers greater giftes, And enuioujly complaine: When thoufands wanting wJiat they haue, Contended doc remaine.
V^H' AJlronomer by night did walke,
•* ( He and his Globe together : ) Hauing great bufmes with the ftarres, About the next yeares weather He did examine all the fky, For tempefts, winde, and raine : And what difeafes were to come, The plannets told him plaine. The difpofition of the Spring, The date of Sommer tide: The Harueft fruit, and Winters froft, Mod plainely he efpide. He did conferr with lupiter, Saturne and all the Seauen: And grew exceeding bufie, with Twelue houfes of the heauen. But while with flaring eyes he lookes, What newes the ftarres could tell: Vpan the fodaine downe he conies, Headlong into a well.
Help
Diogines Lanthorne.
Helpe helpe, he calls or elfe I drowne,
Oh helpe, he ftill did cry:
Vntill it chaunc'd fome paffengers,
Came very early by.
And hearing him, did helpe him out,
In a drown'd moufes cafe :
Then queftion'd with him how he came,
In that fame colde wet place.
Marry ( quoth he ) I look'd on hie,
Not thinking of the ground :
And tumbled in this fcuruy Well,
Where I had like bin drownd.
Which when they heard and knew his art
They fmyling faid, friend ftraunger?
Wilt thou fore -tell thinges are to come,
And knoweft not prefent daunger.
Haft thou an eye for heauen, and
For earth fo little wit :
That while thou gazeft after ftarres,
To tumble in a pit?
Wilt thou tell ( looking ore, thy head )
What weather it will be?
And deadly daunger at thy foote,
Thou haft no eyes to fee?
We giue no credit to thy Art,
Nor doe efte'eme th6e wife:
To tumble headlong in a Well,
With gazing in the fkyes.
Morrall
1\ /T Any with this AJironomer, * V-*- Great knowledge will pretend:
E 3 Thofe
37
Diogines Lanthorne.
Thofe giftes tJiey haue, their haughty pride, Will to the skyes commend. Their lookes mitft be afpiring, ( For ambition aymes on hye ) Forturis aduauncements make them dreame, Of Caftels in the sky. But while bewitching vanity, Deludes them with renowne: A fodaine alteration, with A vengeance ftilles them downe. And then the meanejlfort of men, Whom they doe abiect call: Willjland infcorne, and point them out, And cenfure of their fall.
Alexander came to f<6e My manfion, being a Tun : And flood dire6lly oppofite, Betwe'ene me, and the Sun. Morrow ( quoth he ) Philofopher, I yeild thee time of day: Marry ( faid I ) then Emperour, I preethee ftand away. For thou depriueft me of that, Thy powre hath not to giue: Nor all thy mighty fellow Kings, That on earth's Foote-ball Hue. Stand backe I fay, and rob me not, To wrong me in my right : The Sunne would fliine vpon me, But thou tak'ft away his light. With this he ftept afide from me, And fmiling did entreat:
That
Diogines Lanthorne.
That I would be a Courtier,
For he liked my conceit.
He haue thy houfe brought nie my Court,
I like thy vaine fo well:
A neighbour very neere to me,
I meane to haue thee dwell.
If thou beftow that paine ( quoth I )
Pray when the worke is don :
Remoue thy Court, and carry that,
A good way from my Tun.
I care not for thy neighbour-hood,
Thy treafure, tram I hold:
I doe efteeme my Lanterne home,
Af much as all thy gold.
The coftlyeft cheere that earth affords,
( Take Sea and Ayre to boote )
I make farre leffe account thereof,
Then of a Carret-roote.
For all the robes vpon thy backe,
So coftly, rich, and ftraunge: (weare
This plaine poore gowne, thou fe"eft me
Thred-bare, I will not chaunge.
For all the Pearle and pretious Stones,
That is at thy command :
I will not giue this little Booke,
That heere is in my hand.
For all the citties, countries, townes,
And Kingdomes thou haft got :
I will not giue this empty Tun,
For I regard them not.
Nay if thou would'dft exchaunge thy crowne
For this fame Cap I weare :
Or giue thy Scepter for my Staffe,
I would not do't I fweare.
Doeft
39
Diogines Lanthorne.
Doeft tee this tubb? I tell thee man,
It is my common wealth :
Doeft fee yon water? tis the Wine?
Doth keepe me found in health.
Doeft fee thefe rootes that grow about,
The place of my abode ?
Thefe are the dainties which I eate,
My back'd, my rofte, my fod.
Doeft f<6e my fimple thr^e-foote ftoole?
It is my chayre of ftate:
Doeft f(6e my poore plaine woodden difh?
It is my filuer plate :
Do'ft f6e my Wardrope ? then beholde
This patched feame-rent gowne:
Doeft fee you mat and bull-rufhes?
Why th'are my bed of downe.
Thou count'ft me poore and beggerly,
Alas good carefull King:
When thou art often fighing fad,
I ch^erefull fit and fmg.
Content dwels not in Pallaces,
And Courts of mighty men:
For if it did, affaire thy felfe,
I would turne Courtier then.
No Alexander th'art deceiu'd,
To cenfure of me fo :
That I my fw6et contented life,
For troubles will forgo:
Of a repofed life tis I,
Can make a iuft report:
That haue more vertues in my Tun,
Then is in all thy Court.
For what yeilds that but vanitie,
Ambition, Enuie, pride :
Op-
Diogines Lanthorne:
Oppreffion, wronges and cruelty, Nay euery thing befide. Thefe are not for my company, He rather dwell thus odde : WJio-euer ivalkes amongjl Jltarp thornes, Had need to goe well Jlwdde. On mighty men I cannot fawne, Let Flat'ry crouch and creep : The world is nought, and that man's wife Leaft League with it doth keep. A Crowne is heauy wearing, King It makes thy head to ake : Great Alexander, great accounts Thy greatnes hath to make. Who feeketh reft, and for the fame Doth to thy Court repayre : Is wife like him that in an Egge Doth feeke to finde a Hare. If thou hadft all the world thine owne, That world would not fuffice : Thou art an Eagle, mighty man, And Eagles catch no Flyes. I like thee for thy pacience well, Which thou doeft fhowe, to heare me : He teach thee fomwhat for thy paynes, Drawe but a little neare me: Some honeft Prouerbs that I haue, Vpon thee He beftowe: Thou didft not come fo wife to me As thou art like to goe.
He that performes not what he ought But doth the fame neglect : Let him be fure not to receiue The thing he doth expect
F When
Diogines Lanthorne.
When oncy the tall and loftye Tree Vnto the ground doth fall : Why euery Peflant hath an Axe To hewe his boughes withall.
He that for vertue merrits well And yet doth nothing clayme : A double kinde of recompence Deferueth for the fame.
Acquaint me but with whom thou goeft And thy companions tell, I will refolue thee what thou doeft, Whether ill done or well.
He knows enough that knoweth nought If he can filence keepe: The Tongue oft makes the Hart to figh, The Eyes to wayle and weepe.
He takes the beft and choyfeft courfe Of any men doth Hue : That takes good counfel, when his freind Doth that rich lewell giue.
Good horfe and bad, the Ryder fayes, Muft both of them haue Spurres : And he is fure to rife with Fleaes That lyes to fleepe with Curres.
He that more kindnes fheweth thee Then thou art vf 'd vnto, Eyther already hath deceiu'd Or fhortly meanes to do.
Birds
Diogines Lanthorne:
Birds of a feather and a kinde, Will ftill together flocke : He need be very ftraight him-felfe That doth the crooked mocke.
I haue obferued diuers times Of all fortes Olde and Young : That he which hath the leffer hart Hath ftill the bigger tongue.
He that's a bad and wickedman Appeering good to th'eye : May doe thee many thoufand wronges Which thou canft neuer fpye.
In prefent want, deferre not him Which doth thy help require: The water that is farre off fetch'd Quencheth not neyghbours fire.
He that hath money at his will, Meate, Drincke, and leyfure takes, But he that lackes, muft mend his pace, Neede a good foot -man makes.
He that the office of a friend Vprightly doth refpe6l : Muft firmly loue his friend profeft With faulte, and his defe6l.
He that enjoyes a white Horfe, and A fayre and dainty wife : Muft needes finde often caufe, by each Of difcontent and ftrife.
Chufe
F2
43
Diogines Lanthorne.
Chufe thy companyons of the good, Or clfe conuerfe with none : Rather then ill accompaned, Farre better be alone.
Watch ouer wordes, for from the mouth There hath much euill fprunge: T'is better ftumble with thy feet Then ftumble with thy tongue.
Not outward habite, Vertue 'tis That doth aduaunce thy fame: The golden brydle betters not A lade that weares the fame.
The greateft loyes that euer were, At length with forowe meetes : Tafte Hony with thy fingers end And furfet not on fweetes.
A Lyer can doe more then much, Worke wonders by his lyes : Turne Mountaynes into Mole-hils And huge Elaphants to Flyes.
Children that are vnfortunate, Their Parents alwaies prayfe : And attribute all thriftines Vnto their fore -gone dayes.
When Sicknes enters Healths ftrong hold And Life begins to yeild : Mans forte of Flefh to parley comes, And Death muft winne the field.
The
44
Diogines Lanthorne.
The Flatterer before thy face With fmiling lookes will ftand : Prefenting Hony in his mouth, A Razor in his hande.
The truly Noble-minded, loues, The bafe and feruile feares : Who-euer tels a foole a tale, Had need to finde him eares.
To medle much with idle thinges, Would vex a wife mans head : Tis labour, and a weary worke To make a Dog his bed.
The worft wheele euer of the Cart, Doth yeild the greateft noyce : Three women make a Market, for They haue fufficient voyce.
Firft leafe all Fooles defire to learne With ftedfaft fixed eyes : Is this: All other Idiots are, And they exceeding wife.
When once the Lyon breathles lyes, Whome all the Forreft fear'd: The very Hares, prefumptuoufly Will pull him by the beard.
Ceafe not to doe the good thou oughtft, Though inconuenience growe : A wife man will not Seed-time loofe For feare of euery Crowe.
F On
45
Diogines Lanthorne.
One man can neuer doe fo well But fome man will him blame: Tis vayne to feeke pleafe euery man, loue cannot doe the fame.
To him that is in mifery
Do not affliction adde :
With forowe to load forowes backe,
Is moft extreamly badde.
Showe me good fruit on euill trees, Or Rofe that growes on Thiftle : He vndertake at fight therof, To drincke to thee and whiftle.
Cenfure what confcience refts in him, That fweares he luftice loues: And yet doth pardon hurtfull Crowes, To punifh fimple Doues.
There's many, that to aske, might haue, By their ode filence croft: What charge is fpeech vnto thy tongue? By asking, pra'y whats loft?
He ferues for nothig, that is luft And faithfull in his place : Yet for his dutie well perform'd, Is not a whit in grace.
He makes him-felfe an others flaue, And feares doth vnder-goe: That vnto one being ignorant, Doth his owne fecrets Ihow.
On
46
Diogines Lanthorne.
On Neptune wrongfull he complaynes That oft hath bene in daunger: And yet to his deuouring waues Doth not become a ftraunger.
Age is an honourable thing,
And yet though yeares be fo,
For one wife -man with hoary hay res,
Three dozen fooles I knowe.
FJN IS.
47
LOOKING
LONDON.
Imprinted by Ed. Allde for William Fere-
brand and are to be fold at his Shop in
the popes-head Pallace, rig/if oner a-
gainfl the Tauerne-dore.
1608.
To his verie Louing Friend M after
George Lee.
Esteemed friend \ I pray thee take it kinds, That outward action beares an inward minde> What obie£ls heere thefe papers do deliuer, Bejlow the viewing of them for the giuer. I make thee a partaker of ftrange fights, Drawne antique works of humours vaine delights. A mirrour of the mad conceited Jhapes, Of this our ages giddy -headed apes, Thefe fafti on mongers, felfe befotted men Of kindred to the fowle that wore my pen, Are at an howers warning to appear e, And mufter infixejheetes of Paper heere. And this is all at this time I bejlow, To euidence a greater loue I owe.
Yours SAMVEL ROWLANDS
A 2
Reader.
AS many antique faces paffe, From Barbers chaire vnto his glafle, There to beholde their kinde of trim, And how they are reform'd by him, Or at ExcJiang where Marchants greete, Confufion of the tongues do meete, As Englijh, French, Italian, Dutch, Spanish, and Scofsh, with diuers fuch. So from the Preffe thefe papers come To fliow the humorous fhapes of feme. Heere are fuch faces good and bad, As in a Barbers fhop are had, And heere are tongues of diuers kindes, According to the fpeakers mindes. Beholde their fafhions, heare their voice, And let difcretion make thy choice.
SAMVELL ROWLANDS.
Some
Epigram.
OOme man that to contention is inclin'de; ^With any thing he fees, a fault wil finde, As, that is not fo good, the fame's amifle, I haue no great affe<5tion vnto this. Now I proteft I doe not like the fame, This muft be mended, that deferueth blame, It were farre better fuch a thing were out, This is obfcure, and that's as full of doubt. And much adoe, and many words are fpent In finding out the path that humours went, And for direction to that Idle way Onely a bufie tongue bears all the fway. The dim that Aefope did commend for beft; Is now a daies in wonderfull requeft, But if you finde fault on a certaine ground, Weele fall to mending when the fault is found,
A 3
Pra'y
Epigram.
PRa'y by your leaue, make moufieur humors roome That oft hath walk'd about Duke Humphries And fat amongft the Knights to fee a play, (tombe And gone in's fuite of Sattin eu'ry day, And had his hat difplay a bufhie plume, And's verie beard deliuer forth perfume. But when was this ? aske Frier Bacons head That anfwered Time is pa/I, O time is fled! Sattin and filke was pawned long agoe, And now in canuafe, no knight can him knowe. His former ftate, in dark obliuion fleepes, Onely Paules Gallarie, that walke he kecpes.
Epigram.
CRofle not my humor, with an ill plac'd worde, For if thou doeft, behold my fatall fworde : Do'ft fee my countenance begin looke red ? Let that fore-tell ther's furie in my hed. A little difcontent will quickely heate it. Touch not my flake, thou wert as good to eate it, Thefe damned dice how curfed they deuoure : I loft fome halfe fcore pound in halfe an houre.
A bowle
A bowle of wine, firha : you villaine, fill : Who drawes it Rafcall? call me hether Will. You Rogue, what ha'ft to Supper for my dyet? Tel'ft me of Butchers meate? knaue I defie it. He haue a banquet to enuite an Earle, A Phoenix boyld in broth diflil'd in Pearle. Holde drie this leafe, a candle quickly bring, He take one pipe to bed, none other thing. Thus with Tabacco he will fup to night: Flefh-meate is heauie, and his purfe is light.
Epigram.
TWo Gentlemen of hot and fierie fprite, Tooke boate, and went vp Weftward to goe fight Imbarked both, for Wenf-worth they fet faile, And there ariuing with a happie gaile, The Water-men difcharged for their fare, Then to be parted, thus their mindes declare. Pray Ores (faid they) ftay heere and come not nie, We goe to fight a little, but heere by. The Water-men with ftaues did follow then, And cryd, oh holde your hands good Gentlemen, You know the danger of the law, forbeare : So they put weapons vp and fell to fweare.
One
Epigram.
ONe of tliefe Cuccold-making Queanes did graft her hufbands head : who arm'd with anger, fteele and home would kill him ftain'd his bed, And challeng'd him vnto the field, Vowing to haue his life, Where being met, firha (quoth he,) I doc fufpe6t my Wife Is fcarce fo honeft as fhe fliould, You make of her fome vfe : Indeed faid he I loue her well, He frame no falfe excufe. O! d'ye confeffe? by heauens (quoth he) Had'ft thou deni'de thy guilt, This blade had gone into thy guts, Euen to the verie Hilt. Occafion.
Epigram.
Ccafion late was miniftred for one to trie his friend, Ten pounds he did intreat him ylof all lone hewould Hiscafewasanaccurfed cafe, no comfort tobe found, (led Vnles he friendly drew his purfe, &bleft him with te poud He did proteft he had it not, making a folemne vow, He wated means & money both, to do him pleafure now. The fir (quoth he) you know I haue a Gelding I loue wel, Neceffitie it hath no law, I muft my Gelding fell, I haue bin offered twelue for him, with ten ile be cotent, Well I will trieafriend (faid he,) it was his cheft he ment So feflch'd the money prefently,tother fees Angels fhine Now God amercyhorfe (quoth he) thy credit's more then
(mine.
B
Dice
Epigram.
Dice diuing deepe into a Ruffians purfe, Leauing it nothing worth but firings and leather: He prefently did fall to fweare and curfe, That's life and money he would loofe together, Tooke of his hat, and fwore, let me but fee What Rogue dares fay this fame is blacke to me?
Another loft, and he did money lacke, And thus his furie in a heate reuiues : Where is that Rogue denies his hat is blacke? He fight with him, had he ten thoufand liues. Oh fir (quoth he) in troth you come too late, Choller is part, my anger's out of date.
Epigram.
AKinde of Z0«dfo«-walker in a boote, (Not George a Horfe-backe, but a Gerge a foote,) On eu'ry day you meete him through the yeare, For's bootes and fpurs, a horfe-man doth appeare. Was met with, by an odde conceited ftranger, Who friendly told him that he walk'd in danger.
For
10
For Sir (in kindenes no way to offend you) There is a warrant foorth to apprehend you. Th'offence they fay, you riding through thee ftreete, Haue kil'd a Childe, vnder your Horfes feete. Sir I protefl (quoth he) they doe me wrong, I haue not back'd a horfe, God knows how long, What flaues be thefe, they haue me falfe bely'd ? He prooue this twelue-month I did neuer ride.
Epigram.
WHat feather'd fowle is this that doth approach As if it were an Eflredge in a Coach? Three yards of feather round about her hat, And in her hand a bable like to that : As full of Birdes attire, as Owle, or Goofe, And like vnto her gowrfe, her felfe feemes loofe. Cri'ye mercie Ladie, lewdnes are you there? Light feather'd ftuffe befits you beft to weare.
B 2 A Poore
A deafe eare> in a iujl caufe.
(ftate,
A Poore man came vnto a ludge&fhew'd his wronged •^VEntreating him for lefus fake to be compaflionate, ThewrSgs were great he did fuftaine,he had no help at al The ludge fat ftil as if the man had fpoken to the wall. With that came two rude fellows in,tohauea matter tride About an Affe,that one had let the other for to ride: (by, Which Afle the owner found in field, as he by chance paft And he that hired him a fleepe did in the fliadow lye. For which he would be fatisfied,his beaft was but to ride : And for the fhadow of his Afle, he would be paid befide. Great raging words, and damned othes,
thefe two afle-wrangles fwore, (fore
Wheprefently the ludge ftart vp, that feem'd a deep be- And heard ye follies willingly of thefe two fottifh men, But bad the poore mancomeagaine,he had noleafurethe.
A lolly
12
Epigram.
A lolly fellow Effex borne and bred, -CVA Farmers Sonne, his Father being dead, T'expell his griefe and melancholly pafsions, Had vowd himfelfe to trauell and fee fafhions. His great mindes obiecl: was no trifling toy, But to put downe the wandring Prince of Troy. Londons difcouerie firft he doth decide, His man muft be his Pilot and his guide. Three miles he had not paft, there he muft fit: He ask't if he were not neere London yet? His man replies good Sir your felfe befturre, For we haue yet to goe fixe times as farre. Alas I had rather ftay at home and digge, I had not thought the worlde was halfe fo bigge. Thus this great worthie comes backe (thoewith ftrife) He neuer was fo farre in all his life. None of the feauen worthies : on his behalfe, Say, was not he a worthie Effex Calfe ?
B 3 A Gentleman.
The Humors that haunt a Wife.
A Gentleman a verie friend of mine, -tV-Hath a young wife and fhe is monftrous fine, Shee's of the new fantaftique humor right, In her attire an angell of the light. Is flie an Angell? I: it may be well, Not of the light, fhe is a light Angell. Forfooth his doore muft fuffer alteration, To entertaine her mightie huge Bom-fafhion, A hood's to bafe, a hat which fhe doth male, With braueft feathers in the Eftridge tayle. She fcornes to treade our former proud wiues traces. That put their glory in their on faire faces, In her conceit it is not faire enough, She muft reforme it with her painters ftuffe, And fhe is neuer merry at the heart, Till fhe be got into her leatherne Cart. Some halfe amile the Coach-man guides the raynes, Then home againe, birladie fhe takes paines. My friend feeing what humours haunt a wife, If he were loofe would lead a fingle life.
Next
A poore Mans pollicy.
NExt I will tell you of a poore mans tricke, Which he did pra6life with a polliticke, This poore man had a Cow twas all his ftocke, Which on the Commons fed : where Catell flocke, The other had a fteere a wanton Beaft, Which he did turne to feede amongft the reft. Which in proceffe although I know not how, The rich mans Oxe did gore the poore mans Cow. The poore man heereat vexed waxed fad, For it is all the liuing that he had, And he muft loofe his liuing for a fong, Alas he knew not how to right his wrong. He knew his enemie had pointes of law, To faue his purfe, fill his deuouring mawe, Yet thought the poore man how fo it betide, He make him glue right fentence on my fide. Without delay vnto the Man he goes, And vnto him this fayned tale doth gloze, (Quoth he) my Cow which with your Oxe did feede, Hath kild your Oxe and I make knowne the deede. Why (quoth my Politique) thou fhouldft haue helpt it Thou lhalt pay for him if thow wert my father, (rather,
The
The courfe of law in no wife muft be ftayde, Leaft I an euill prefident be made.
0 Sir (quoth he) I cry you mercy now,
1 did miftake, your Oxe hath gorde my Cow : ConuicT: by reafon he began to brawle,
But was content to let his ac~lion fall. As why? (quoth he) thou lookft vnto her well, Could I preuent the mifchiefe that befell ? I haue more weightie caufes now to trie, Might orecomes right without a reafon why.
Epigram.
ONe of the damned crew that Hues by drinke, And by Tobacco's ftillified ftink, Met with a Country man that dwelt at Hull : Thought he this pefant's fit to be my Gull. His firft falute like to the French-mans wipe, Wordes of encounter, pleafe you take a pipe? The Countrie man amazed at this rabble, Knewe not his minde yet would be conformable. Well, in a petty Ale-houfe they enfconce His Gull muft learne to drinke Tobacco once.
16
Indeede his purpofe was to make a ieft,
How with Tobacco he the peafant dreft.
Hee takes a whiffe, with arte into his head,
The other ftandeth ftill aftonifhed.
Till all his fences he doth backe reuoake,
Sees it afcend much like Saint Katherins fmoake.
But this indeede made him the more admire,
He faw the fmoke : thought he his head's a fier,
And to increafe his feare he thought poore foule,
His fcarlet nofe had been a fine cole.
Which circled round with fmoak, feemed to him
Like to fome rotten brand that burneth dim.
But to Ihew wifdome in a defperat cafe,
He threw a Can of beere into his face,
And like a man fome furie did infpire,
Ran out of doores for helpe to quench the fire.
The Ruffin throwes away his Trinidado,
Out comes huge oathes and then his fhort poynado,
But then the Beere fo troubled his eyes,
The countrieman was gone ere he could rife,
A fier to drie him, he doth now require,
Rather than water for to quench his fire.
C Come
\
Epigram.
my braue gallant come, vncafe, vncafe, Nere fliall obliuion your great actes deface. He has been there where neuer man came yet, An vnknowne countrie, I, ile warrant it, Whence he could Ballace a good fhip in holde, With Rubies, Saphiers, Diamonds and golde, Great Orient Pearles efteem'd no more then moates, Sould by the pecke as chandlers mefure oates, I meruaile then we haue no trade from thence : O tis too farre it will not beare expence. T'were far indeede, a good way from our mayne, If charges eate vp fuch excefsiue gaine, Well he can fhew you fome of Lybian grauell,
0 that there were another world to trauell,
1 heard him fweare that hee (twas in his mirth) Had been in all the corners of the earth.
Let
18
Let all his wonders be together ftitcht, He threw the barre that great Alcides pitcht: But he that faw the Oceans fartheft ftrands, You pofe him if you aske where Douer ftands. He has been vnder ground and hell did fee, Aeneas nere durft goe fo farre as hee. For he has gone through Plutces Regiment, Saw how the Fiendes doe Lyers there torment. And how they did in helles damnation frye, But who would thinke the Traueller would lye ? To dine with Pluto he was made to tarrie, As kindly vs'd as at his Ordinarie. Hogfheades of wine drawne out into a Tub, Where he did drinke hand-fmooth with Belsebub, And Proferpine gaue him a goulden bow, Tis in his cheft he cannot fhew it now.
C 2 One toulde
»i
Of one that coufned the Cut-purfe.
ONe toulde a Drouer that beleeu'd it not, What booties at the playes the Cut-purfe got, But if t'were fo my Drouers wit was quicke, He vow'd to ferue the Cut-purfe a new tricke. Next day vnto the play, pollicy hy'd, A bag of fortie fhillings by his fide, Which houlding faft he taketh vp his ftand, If ftringes be cut his purfe is in his hand. A fine conceited Cut-purfe fpying this, Lookt for no more, the for fhillings his, Whilft my fine Politique gazed about, The Cut-purfe feately tooke the bottom out. And cuts the firings, good foole goe make a ieft, This Difmall day thy purfe was fairely bleft. Houlde faft good Noddy tis good to dreade the worfei Your monie's gone, I pray you keepe your purfe. The play is done and foorth the foole doth goe, Being glad that he coufned the Cut-purfe foe. He thought to iybe how he the Cut-purfe dreft, And memorize it for a famous ieft. But putting in his hand it ran quite throw Dafh't the conceite, heele neuer fpeake on't now, You that to playes haue fuch delight to goe, The Cut-purfe cares not, ftill deceiue him fo.
Dicke
A drunken fray.
DIcke met with Tom in faith it was their lot, Two honeft Drunkars muft goe drinke a pot, Twas but a pot, or fay a little more, Or fay a pot that's filled eight times ore. But being drunke, and met well with the leefe, They drinke to healthes deuoutly on their knees, Dicke drinks to Hall, to pledge him Tom reie6ls, And fcornes to doe it for fome odde refpects Wilt thou not pledge him thar't a gill, a Scab, Wert with my man-hood thou deferueft a ftab, But tis no matter drinke another bout, Weele intot'h field and there weele trie it out. Lets goe (faies Tom) no longer by this hand, Nay flay (quoth Dicke( lets fee if we can ftand. Then forth they goe after the drunken pace, Which God he knowes was with a reeling grace, Tom made his bargaine, thus with bonnie Dicke If it fhould chance my foote or fo ftiould flip, How wouldfl thou vfe me or after what Size, Wouldft bare me fhorter or wouldfl let me rife. Nay God forbid our quarrells not fo great, To kill thee on aduantage in my heat.
C 3 Tufh
Tufli we'le not fight for any hate or foe, But for meere loue that each to other owe. And for thy learning loe He fhevv a tricke, No fooner fpoke the worde but downe conies Dicke, Well now (quoth Tom) thy life hangs on my fworde, If I were downe how wouldft thou keepe thy worde? Why with thefe hilts I'de braine thee at a blow, Faith in my humor cut thy throate, or foe, But Tom he fcorne to kill his conquered foe, Lets Dicke arife, and too't againe they goe. Dicke throwes downe Tom, or rather Tom did fall, My hilts (quoth Dicke) fliall braine thee like a maull, Is't fo (quoth Tom) good faith what remedie, The Tower of Babell's fallen and fo am I. But Dicke proceedes to giue the fatall wound, It mift his throate, but run into the ground. But he fuppofmg that the man was flaine, Straight fled his contrie, fhip himfelfe for Spaine, Whilft valiant Thomas dyed dronken deepe, Forgot his'danger and fell fail a fleepe.
What's
Epigram.
W Hat's he that flares as if he were afright^ The fellowe fure hath feene fome dreadfull Maffe rightly gueft, why fure I did diuine, (fpright Hee's haunted with a Spirit feminine. In plaine termes thus, the Spirit that I meane, His martiall wife that notable curft queane, No other weapons but her nailes or fift, Poore patient Idiot he dares not refift, His neighbor once would borrow but his knife, Good neighbor ftay (quoth he) ile aske my wife : Once came he home infpired in the head, He found his neighbor and his wife a bed, Yet durft not fturre, but hide him in a hole, He feared to difpleafe his wife poore foule. But why fhould he fo dreade and feare her hate, Since fhe had giuen him armor for his pate? Next day forfooth he doth his neighbor meete, Whome with fterne rage thus furioufly doth greete, Villaine ile flit thy nofe, out comes his knife, Sirra (quoth he) goe to Ile tell your wife. Apaled at which terror, meekely faide Retire good knife my furie is allaide.
Time
Proteus.
Time feruing humour thou wrie-faced Ape, That canft transforme thy felfe to any ftiape : Come good Proteus come away a pace, We long to fee thy mumping Antique face. This is the fellow that Hues by his wit, A cogging knaue and fawning Parrafit, He has behauiour for the greateft porte, And hee has humors for the rafcall forte, He has beene great with Lordes and high eftates, They could not Hue without his rare conceites, He was affociat for the brauefl fpirits, His galland carriage fuch fauour merrits. Yet to a Ruffiin humor for the ftewes, A right graund Captaine of the damned crewes, With whome his humor alwayes is vnftable Mad, melancholly, drunke and variable.
Hat
Hat without band like cutting Dicke he goe's, Renowned for his new inuented oathes. Sometimes like a Ciuilian, tis ftrange At twelue a clocke he muft vnto the Change, Where being thought a Marchant to the eye, He tels ftrange newes his humor is to lie. Some Damafke coate the effecl: thereof muft heare,^ Inuites him home and there he gets good cheare. But how is't now fuch braue renowned wits, Weare ragged robes with fuch huge gaflly flits, Faith thus a ragged humour he hath got Whole garments for the Summer are too hot. Thus you may cenfure gently if you pleafe, He weares fuch garments onely for his eafe. Or thus his credit will no longer waue. For all men know him for a prating knaue.
Epigram-.
AScholer newly entred marriage life Following his ftuddie did offend his wife, Becaufe when fhe his company expected, By bookifh bufines fhe was ftill neglefted : Comming vnto his ftuddy, Lord (quoth fhe) Can papers caufe you loue them more than mee :
D I would
Epigram.
I would I were tranfform'd into a Booke
That your affection might vpon me looke,
But in my wifh, withall be it decreed,
I would be fuch a Booke you loue to reede,
Hufband (quoth fhe) which books form fhould I take,
Marry (faid hee) t'were beft an Almanacke,
The reafon wherefore I doe wifh thee fo,
Is, euery yeare wee haue a new you knowe.
Epigram.
SIra, come hether boy, take view of mee, My Lady I am purpofd to goe fee : What doth my feather flourifh with a grace, And this fame dooble fette become my face, How defcent doth this doublets forme appeare (I would I had my fute in houns-ditch heere) Do not my fpurs pronounce a filuer founde? Do's not my hofe circumference profounde? Sir thefe are well, but there is one thing ill, Your Tailour with a fheete of paper bill, Vowes heel'e be paid, and Serieants he had feed, Which wayte your comming forth to do thy deede : Boy god-amercy let my Lady flay, He fee no counter for her fake to day.
26
Much a doe abo^i,t chufing a wife.
A Widdower would haue a wife were old, •**»Paft charge of children to preuent expence Her chefts and bagges cram'd till they crake with gold. And fhe vnto her graue poft quickly hence, But if all this were fitting to his minde, Where is his leafe of life to flay behinde?
A Batcheler would haue wife were wife,
Faire, Rich and Younge, a maiden for his bed,
Not proude, nor churlifh but of fautles fize,
A country houfewife, in the Citty bred.
But hees a foole and longe in vaine hath ftaide,
He fhoulde befpeake her, there's none ready made
D 2
The
The taming of a wilde Youth.
late a deare and louing friend of mine,
all his time a Gallant youth had bene, From mirth to melancholy did decline, Looking exeeding pale, leane, poore, and thin, I ask'd the caufe he brought me through the ftreete, Vnto his houfe, and there hee let me fee, A woman proper, faire, wife and difcreete And faid behould, heer's that hath tamed mee, Hath this (quoth I,) can fuch a wife do fo? Lord how is he tam'd then, that hath a fhrow:
A ftraunge
A ftra^lngeJighted Traueller.
AN honeft Country foole being gentle bred, Was by an odde conceited humor led, To trauell and fome Englifh falhions fee, With fuch flrange fights as heere at London be. Stuffing his purfe with a good golden fome, This wandring knight did to the Cittie come, And there a feruingman he entertaines, An honefter in Newgate not remaines. He fhew'd his Maifter fights to him moft flrange, Great tall Pauls Steeple and the royall-Exchange : The Boffe at Billings-gate and London-ftone And at White-Hall the monftrous great Whales bone, Brought him to the banck-fide where Beares do dwell And vnto Shor-ditch where the whores keepe hell, Shew'd him the Lyons, Gyants in Guild-Hall, King Lud at Lud-gate, the Bdbounes and all, At length his man, on all he had did pray, Shew'd him a theeuifh trick and ran away, The Traueller turnd home exceeding ciuill, And fwore in London he had feene the Deuill.
D
Three
Three kinde of Couckoldes^
One, And None.
there's a Cuckolde called One and None, Which foole, from fortune hath receiu'd fuch He hath a wife for beutie (lands alone, (fauour
Grac'd with good carriage, and mod fweete behauiour Nature fo bounteous hath her gifts extended. From head to foote ther's nothing to be mended.
Befides, Ihe is as perfect chaft, as faire,
But being married to a iealous afle,
He vowes fhe homes him, for he feeles a paire
Haue bin a growing euer fince laft grafle,
No contrary perfwafions hee'l indure,
But's wife is faire and hee's a Cuckolde fure.
Thefecond.
None, and One. 'T^He fecond hath a wife that loues the game,
-*- And playes the fecret cunnig whore at plaifure. But in her husbands fight fhees wondrous tame, Which makes him vow, he hath Vliffes treafure. fheele wifh al whores were hang'd, with weeping teares Yet fhe her felfe a whores cloathes dayly weares.
Her husbads friends report how's wife doth gull him
With falfe deceitfull and diffembling fhowe
And that by both his homes a man may pull him,
To fuch a goodly length they daylie growe,
He fayes they wrong her, and he fweares they lye,
His wife is chafte, and in that minde hee'le dye.
The
The Third,
One, and One. r I ^He third is he that knowes women are weake,
-*• And therefore they are dayly apt to fall, Words of vnkindnefle their kind hearts may breake, They are but flefh and therefore fmners all, His wife is not the firft hath trod a wry, Amongft his neighbours he as bad can fpye.
What can he helpe it if his wife do ill,
But take it as his croffe and be content,
For quietnefle he lets her haue her will,
When fhee is old perhaps fhe will repent,
Let euery one amend their one bad life,
Th'are knaues and queans that medle with his wife.
FINIS.
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Rowlands, Samuel Complete works
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