^ PRINCETON. N. J.
^ Part of the
I ADDrSON ALEXANDER IJBRART whicli was presented l.y Messrs. R. L,. ani. a. Stuabt.
OP THE
T'heological S
erninary,
PRINCETON, N.J.
Case,
Shefj.
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■'■ Qi.y.it.i.oi, |
JI. |
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Section No, |
-/ : |
SELECT BIOGRAPHIES.
THE WODROW SOCIETY,
INSTITUTED JIAY, 1841,
FOR THE rUBLICATION OP THE WORKS OF THE FATHERS AND EARLY WRITERS OF THE REFORMED CHURCH OF SCOTLAND.
SELECT
BIOGEAPHIES.
EDITED FOR THE WODROW SOCIETY,
CHIEFLY FROM MANUSCRIPTS IN THE LIBRARY OF THE FACULTY OF ADVOCATES.
BY THE REV. W. K. TWEEDIE.
VOLUME SECOND.
EDINBURGH:
PRINTED FOR THE WODROW SOCIETY.
M.DCCC.XLYIT,
EDINBURGH :
TIIK EDINBURGH PKINTING COMPANi',
12, Soutli £t David Street.
PREFACE.
HE Biographies contained in the following pages ■>, \ are the best, and most detailed that could be found,
icij ....
'J of the eminent individuals whose histories are here introduced. The Notes prefixed to each will ex- plain their origin and character. Were it the design of the WODROW Society to publish Works of a more recent origin, or had it been competent to compile Lives of these distinguished persons, far more ample accounts might have been furnished, at least regarding some of them. But confining ourselves to the printing or republication of the old, we have selected the best and most authentic of the Lives that are extant, or known, and now present them to the Members of the Society, as part of the Issue for the year m.dccc.xlvi.
In selecting such a Series, or in judging of it, we should not overlook one great design of such Associations as the Wodrow Society. It is not, we think, exclusively to gratify the taste of the Members — nor to put them alone in possession of information which is unknown to others — or in a sense secreted fi:om them : On the contrary, we apprehend that at least the ultimate object
VI PREFACE.
of such Institutions is to favour and promote the publication of Works which might not otherwise become kno-svn, in order that new fountains of information may eventually be opened to all — that the confirmation of long-cherished opinions, or the correction of long-held errors, may result from the publication. In short, we regard the Works published by the Wodrow, and other Societies, as the store-houses and authorities of futm*e Biographers and Historians, as illustrating the Literature, and embodying the principles of past ages, that men may have easier access to the means of advancing the well-being of the present and the future. The French have a class of Literature well-nigh peculiar to themselves — their Memoires pour Servir a VHistoire ; and without possessing all the characteristics, the Wodrow Society's publications appear to supply the place, of that department of Literatm-e in France. Any future Historian seeking, for example, to describe the condition of Scotland during one of the most eventful periods of its existence as a nation, will find ample and now easily accessible materials in the Society's Edition of Calderwood's History. A Biography of Welsh, adapted to modem taste, might be easily compiled fi-om the Society's published Life of that remarkable man ; while the student of our mysterious nature may find in not a few of the Society's Volumes, explana- tions of the process by which men were trained in other times to do and to endure so much — to pass rejoicing and triumphant through scenes whose mere recital makes the modem reader fear, or even weep. How could men survive such a great fight of afflic- tions ? How did they learn to take so joyfully the spoiling of their goods ? How could they so boldly fiice, and so patiently endure, the imprisonments, the exile, the death which so often closed their career ? The answer is embodied in such Biographies as those that
PliEPACE. \U
follow. As the apostle of the German Keformation was trained in a peculiar way for the work which he was called, in Providence, to do, so men like Fraser of Brea, and other worthies, were peculiarly disciphned for their peculiar sphere and times. To the student of Man, we repeat, the easy opportunity of contemplating such cases as they were described by parties actually engaged in the struggle, or recently retired from it, is a benefit to be highly prized.
The Council project yet another Volume of Biographies for a future year. Had we access to contemporary Lives of Erskine of Dun, of Kobert Bruce, of Alexander Henderson,^ of Johnstone of Warriston, of James Guthrie, of George Gillespie, of Baillie of Jerviswood, and others less generally known, much that is im- portant, and yet at present concealed, might be brought to light. It is true that the materials for such publications are often scanty at the best, and widely scattered — but even a mere compilation of them would be of service to the future Historian or Biogra- pher ; and the Wodrow Society would thus be confessed to have conferred an important benefit on the Literature of Scotland, though it should only enable the present generation to grow thoroughly familiar with the principles that prevailed, and the struggles that were made at the period of the first and second Reformations. We have the highest of all authorities for incul- cating principle and conveying knowledge by means of Biographies. The Scriptm'es have been regarded by some as mainly made up of the Lives — ^the doings, and the sufferings of men ; and it deserves
^ Wc would have added the Life of Robert Blaii- ; but that is to form a Vo- lume of the issue for m.dccc.xlvii.
Vlil I'REFACE.
observation, that in tracing the exact history of oiu- own nation in particular, the knowledge of the secret springs and causes of events the most momentous, must generally 1)C gathered from the Lives of men who scourged their country by their vices, or who blessed it by their virtues.
But there is yet another benefit that may result from such pub- lications. In the days to which these Narratives refer, the Al- mighty Maker of heaven and of earth was sometimes supposed to interfere on behalf of the victims of persecution, in a way that was scarcely, if at all, to be distinguished from the miraculous. The Reader will find illustrations of this, in the Experiences of John Stevenson, as described in the present Volume. On the other hand, the minds of men in our day have rushed to the opposite extreme, — it has been announced, for example, by Eichhorn, and others in Germany, that the name of God is " a superfluous ex- pletive,^^ in accounting for various changes and events. Truth, as ever, lies between the extremes ; and the facts which such Biogra- phies as the following narrate, supply data for guiding the reflec- tive to a right theory of Providence. They tend to render the beauty of truth more apparent, by the distorted or exaggerated form in which it is occasionally presented, so that the beneficial eflPects of such publications arc spread far beyond the circle of the Mem- bers, and exhibit the Society as a source of advantage to thousands.
W. K. T.
EuiNuvuGU, 15, George Scjuakk, 'Mth Januari/, 1847.
TABLE OF CONTENTS.
A Short Account of the Life of the Rev. David Dickson. By
the Rev. Robert Wodrow, Minister of the Gospel, Eastwood, 5
Appendix to the Life of Mr David Dickson,
17
Memoirs of the Life and Character of Mr William Guthrie, Minister at Fenwick. By the Rev. William Dunlop, with Additions by the Rev. Robert Wodrow, and Rev. Robert Traill, 33
A Sermon on Sympathy. By the Rev. William Guthrie, Minister
at Fenwick, . . . . . . .09
Memoirs of the Rev. James Fraser of Brea, Minister of the
Gospel at Culross. Written by Himself, . . .89
A True Relation of the Life and Sufferings of John Nisbet IN Hardhill, his last Testimony to the Truth ; with a Short Account of his Last Words on the Scaffold, December 4, m.dc.lxxxv, ....... 377
CONTENTS.
I'AGE
A Rare Soul-Strengthening and CoiMfortixg Cordial for Old AND Young Christians ; being an exact Account of the Au- thor's Experience. By John Stevenson, Land- Labourer in the Tarish of Daily in Carrick, .... 415
Memoir of Mrs Goodal. Written by Herself, . . .481
The Last Words of the Lady Coltness, who Died, or rather
Entered into Eternal Life and Glory, June 8, 1675, . 499
A Relation of My Lady Anne Elcho, about her being Burnt,
February 17, 1700, 515
Index, ,..-.... 523
SHORT ACCOUNT
THE LIFE
EEV. DAVID DICKSON.
REV. ROBERT WODROW,
MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL, EASTWOOD.
TUL. II.
NOTE.
The following Life of David Dickson is the production of WoDncw, the Historian, and was originally prefixed to an edition of a work entitled Truth's Victory over Error, first published in 1684. Mr George Sinclair, well known about that period by various productions, had translated an unpublished Latin treatise by Dickson on the Confession of Faith, assigned to it the title given above, and published it as his own. Of this piracy, Wodrow says, — " What led him to translate another man's book, and send it abroad under the initial letters of his own name, I shall not determine. I am willing to leave the ashes of the dead in quiet, especially tliose of a person who, in his time, was taken notice of, with some applause, by learned men abroad as well as at home ; and wrote several things in philosophy, mathematics, and his- tory, in his own way, not without their use in the time when they were published." But this act of literary dishonesty was soon detected. The work was published witli the real author's name prefixed to it, and Wodrow was employed to write a preface for the volume thus restored to its proper rank as the production of David Dickson. Hence the Life now published, which formed the chief part of the preface supplied by Wodrow. It is confessedly meagre and defective, although, were such the object of the Wodrow Society, materials might, perhaps, be found for compiling a biography of this distinguished man, by search- ing into the Histories, published and in MS., of the times in which he lived.
SHORT ACCOUNT OF THE LIFE
REV. DAVID DICKSON.
F ever a Scots biography, and the lives of our emi- nent ministers and Christians, be published, Mr Dickson would shine there as a star of the first mag- nitude. Till such necessary work appear, which would require able hands, and much help from such as have the remains of our worthies in possession, I shall drop a few hints of what I have met with as to this good man.
Mr David Dick or Dickson was the only son of John Dick or Dickson, merchant in Glasgow, whose father was an old feuar, and possessor of some lands in the Barony of Fintry, and Parish of St Ninian's, called the Kirk of the Muir.^ His parents were religious persons, of considerable substance, and many years married before they had this child, and he was the only one ever they had, as I am Informed. As he was a Samuel, asked of the Lord, so he was early devoted to Him and the ministry ; yet^ afterwards, the vow was forgot, till Providence by a rod, and sore sickness on their
' ITe is supposed to have been bovii alxMit the year 1583.
6 A SnORT ACCOUNT OF THE
son, brought tlieir sin to remembrance ; and then he was put to renew his studies Avhich lie had left, and at the University of Glas- gow he made very great progress in them.
Soon after he had received the degree of Master of Arts, he was admitted E,egent, or Professor of Philosophy in that college, where he was very usefid in training up the youth in solid learning ; and with the learned Principal Boyd of Trochridge, the worthy IVIr Pobert Blair, and other pious members of that learned society, his pains were singularly blessed in reviving decayed serious piety among the youths, in that declining and corrupted time, a little after the imposing of Prelacy upon us.
By a recommendation of the General Assembly, not long after our reformation from Popery, the regents were only to continue eight years in their profession, after which, such as were found qualified were licensed, and upon calls, after trials, admitted to the holy ministry. By this constitution, this Church came to be filled with ministers well seen in all the branches of usefid learning. Accordingly, Mr Dickson was, 1618, ordained minister to the town of Irvine, where he laboured about twenty-three years.
That very year the corrupt Assembly at Perth agreed to the five known articles, palmed upon the Church by the king and prelates.^ Mr Dickson had not much studied these questions till the articles were imposed by this meeting ; then he closely examined them, and the more he looked into them, the more aversion he found to them ; and when, some time after, by a sore sickness, he was brought within views of death and eternity, he gave open testi- mony of their sinfulness.^
When this came to take air, Mr James Law, Archbishop of Glasgow, summoned him to appear before the High Commission, January 29, 1622. Mr Dickson, at his entrance to his ministry at
1 They were — 1. Kneeling at the Communion. 2. Observance of Holy-days, Christmas, Good Friday, and the like, 3. Confirmation by a Bishop. 4. Pri- vate Baptism ; and, 6. Private Communion.
- Sec Select Biographies, vul. i. pp. 01G-S20, for some incidents concerning Dickson not meutioned here.
LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSON. 7
Irvine, had preaclied upon 2 Cor. v. 11, the first part, " Knowing the terrors of the Lord, we persuade men;" when at this juncture he apprehended a separation, at least for a time, the Sabbath before his compearance, he chose the next words of that verse, "But we are made manifest unto God." Extraordinary power, and singular moving of affections, accompanied that parting sermon.^
According to the summons, Mr Dickson appeared before the Commission the day named. His prudent carriage, the declinature he gave in, the railing of Archbishop Spotswood thereupon, the sentence of deprivation and confinement to Turriff passed upon him, with his Christian speech upon the intimation of it, are to be found in Mr Calderwood's History.^
After much intercession with the bishops, and various turns in this affair, narrated by the last named historian, he got liberty to quit Turriff, and returned to his longing flock July 1G23, where his ministerial work was no more interrupted until he was called to a more important station, as we shall hear.*
At Irvine Mr Dickson's ministry was singularly countenanced of God. Multitudes were convinced and converted ; and few that lived in his day were more honoured to be instruments of conver- sion than he. People, under exercise and soul concern, came from every place about Irvine, and attended upon his sermons; and the most eminent and serious Christians, from all corners of the Church, came and joined with him at his communions, which were indeed times of refreshing from the presence of the Lord of these amiable institutions ; yea, not a few came from distant places and settled in Irvine, that they might be under the drop of his minis- try. Yet he himself used to observe, that the vintage of Irvine was not equal to the gleanings, and not once to be compared to the harvest at Ayr, in Mr John Welch's time, when indeed the
^ Calderwood, under the year, describes the scene in his i^cculiarly graphic way.
- See Wod. Soc. Edit. vol. vii. pp. 530-542, for details of these proceedings. ^ See Calderwood, vol. vii. pp. 567, 568.
8 A SHORT ACCOUNT OF THE
gospel had wonderful success, in conviction, conversion, and con- firmation.
Mr Dickson had his week-day sermons upon the Mondays, the market-days then at Irvine. Upon the Sabbath evenings many persons, under soul distress, used to resort to his house after ser- mon, when usually he spent an hour or two in answering their cases, and directing and comforting those who were cast down, in all which he had an extraordinary talent ; indeed, he had the tongue of the learned, and knew how to speak a word in season to the weary soul. In a large hall he had in his house at Irvine, there woidd have been, as I am informed by old Christians, several scores of serious Christians waiting for him when he came from the church. Those, with the people round the town, who came into the market at Irvine, made the church as throng, if not thronger, on the Mondays as on the Lord's Day. By those week-day ser- mons, the famous Stewarton sickness was begun about the year 1630, and spread from house to house for many miles in the Strath, where Stewarton water runs, on both sides of it. Satan, indeed, endeavoured to bring a reproach upon the serious persons who were at this time under the convincing work of the Spirit, by running some, seemingly imder serious concern, to excesses, both in time of sermon and in families. But the Lord enabled Mr Dickson, and other ministers who dealt with them, to act so pru- dent a part, as Satan's design was much disappointed, and solid serious practical religion flourished mightily in the West of Scot- land about this time, under the hardships of Prelacy.
About the year 1632, some of our Scots ministers, Mr Robert Blair, Mr John Livingston, and others, settled among the Scots in the North of Ireland, were remarkably owaied of the Lord, and their ministry and communions, about the Six-^Iile-AVater, were made useful for reviving religion in the power and practice of it. The Irish prelates, at the instigation of ours, got them removed for a season, much against excellent Bishop Usher's mind. "When silenced, and come over to Scotland, about the year 1638, Mr Dickson employed Messrs Blair, Livingston, and Cunningham, at
LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSON. 9
his communion : for this he was called before the High Commis- sion. He soon got rid of this trouble, the prelates' power being now on the decline.
I have some of Mr Dickson's sermons at Irvine, taken from his mouth. They are full of solid substantial matter, very scriptural, and In a very familiar style, not low, but extremely strong, plain, and affecting.' It is somewhat akin to Mr Eutherford's, In his admirable Letters. I have been told by some old ministers that scarce any body of that time came so near Mr Dickson's style and method In preaching, as the Reverend Mr William Guthrie, minis- ter of Fenwick, who equalled, if not exceeded him here.
As Mr Dickson was so singularly useful in his public ministra- tions, so I could give many instances of his usefidness more pri- vately, both to Christians in answering their perplexing cases of conscience, and students who had their eye to the ministry, whUe he was at Irvine : his prudent directions, cautions, and encourage- ments, given them, were extremely useful and beneficial. I could also give examples of his usefulness to his very enemies, and the Lord's making, what he spoke to one that robbed him in the road to Edinburgh of a considerable sum of money, the occasion of the poor youth's change of life, and at length of real conversion. The account of which I have from a worthy person, who had It from himself. But there Is not room here to enlarge on these things.
It was Mr Dickson who brought the Presbytery of Irvine to supplicate the Council, 1637, for a suspension of a charge given to ministers to buy and use the Servlce-Book. At that time, four supplications from different quarters, without any concert in tlie supplicants, met at the Council-house door, to their mutual surprise and encouragement. These were the small beginnings of that happy turn of affairs, that and next years, of which it were to be wished we had fuller and better accounts than yet have been pub- lished.
In that great revolution, Mr Dickson bore no small share. He
1 There has lately been piiblished a volume of " Select Writings of Dickson," containing various sermons and treatises not heretofore publislied.
10 A SHORT ACCOUNT OF THE
was sent to Aberdeen with Messrs Henderson and Cant, by the Covenanters, to persuade that city and country about to join in renewing the hind's covenant with the Lord. This brought him to bear a great part in the debates with the learned Doctors Forbes, Barron, Sibbald, and others, at Aberdeen, which being in print, I say no more of them.
When the king was prevailed with to allow a free General As- sembly at Glasgow, November 1638, Mr Dickson and Mr Bailey, from the Presbytery of Irvine, made a great figure there. In all the important matters before that grave meeting, he was very use- fid ; but Mr Dickson signalised himself in a seasonable and prudent speech he had when his Majesty's Commissioner threatened to leave the Assembly. It is in mine eye, but too long to stand here, and too important and nervous to abridge. In the eleventh ses- sion, December 5, he had another most learned discourse against Arminianism, which I also omit.^
The reports of the Lord's eminent coimtenancing Mr Dickson's ministry at Irvine had ere this tune spread through all this Church ; but his eminent prudence, learning, and holy zeal, came to be uni- versally known, especially to ministers, from the part he bore in the Assembly at Glasgow ; so that he was almost unanimously chosen Moderator to the next General Assembly at Edinbm-gh, August 1G39. Many of his speeches, and instances of his wise management at so critical a junctm*e, are before me in a MS. ac- count of that Assembly. In the tenth session, the city of Glasgow presented a call to him, but partly because of his own aversion, and the vigorous appearances of the Earl of Eglinton and his lov- ing people, and mostly from the remarkable usefulness of his minis- try in that corner, the General Assembly continued him at Irvine.
But not long after, 1641, he was transported to be Professor of Divinity in the University of Glasgow, where he did great services to the Church and interests of real religion, by training up many youths for the holy ministry. Notwithstanding of his laborious
^ See Appendix to tins Account, where tUea* ducumeuts arc given.
• LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSON. 11
work amongst them, he preached every Lord's day forenoon in the High Church there ; and got in, and I think had for his colleague, the learned and zealous IVIr Patrick Gillespie*
In the year 1643, the Church laid a very great work on him, Mr Henderson, and Mr Calderwood, to form the draught of a Di- rectory for Public Worship, as appears by the acts of Assembly. When the pestilence was raging at Glasgow, 1647, the masters and students of the University removed to Irvine upon Mr Dick- son's motion. There the holy and learned Mr Durham passed his trials, and was earnestly recommended by the professor to the presbytery and magistrates of Glasgow, and in a little time or- dained minister to that city. Great was the friendship and fami- liarity between these two eminent Hghts of the Church there ; and among other eifects of their familiar conversation, which still turned upon profitable subjects and designs, we have the Sum of Saving Knoiuledge, which hath been so often printed with our Confession of Faith and Catechisms. This, after several conversations, and thinking upon the subject and manner of handling it, so as it might be most useful to vidgar capacities, was by Messrs Dickson and Durham dictated to a reverend minister, who informed me, about the year 1650. It was the deed of these two great men, and though never judicially approven by this Church, deserves to be much more read and considered than I fear it is.
About this time, Mr Dickson had a great share in the printed pamphlets upon the unhappy debates betwixt the Kesolutioners and Protesters. He was in his opinion for the public Resolutions, and most of the papers upon that side were written by him, Mr Robert Bailey, and Mr Robert Douglass ; as those on the other side were written by Mr James Guthrie, Mr Patrick Gillespie, and a few others.
I have not inquired into the exact time when Mr Dickson was transported from the profession of divinity at Glasgow to the same work at Edinburgh ;^ but I take it to have been about this time.
• It appears to have been about the year IC'iO.
12 A SHORT ACCOUNT OF THE
It was, I think, at Edinburgh, he dictated in Latin to his scholars what is here presented to the reader in English.' There he con- tinued his laborious care of students of divinity, the growing hopes of a Church ; and either at Glasgow or Edinburgh, most part of the Presbyterian ministers, at least in the west, south, and east parts of Scotland, from the year 1640 to the happy Kevolution, were under his inspection. And fi*om this very book we may per- ceive his care to educate them in the form of sound words, and to ground them solidly in the excellent standards of doctrine agreed to by this Church. May it still be the care and mercy of the Church of Scotland, to preserve and hand down to posterity the Scriptural pure doctrine delivered by our first reformers to JSIr Dickson and his cotemporaries, and from him and the other great lights in his day, handed down to us now upon the stage, without corruption or decKning to right or left hand.
^Ir Dickson continued at Edinburgh, discharging his great trust with faithfulness and diligence, until the melancholy turn by the restoration of Prelacy upon King Charles' return, when, for refus- ing the oath of supremacy, he was, with many other worthies, turned out. His heart was broke with the heavy change on the beautiful face of this reformed Church. He was now well stricken in years, his labour and Avork was over, and he ripe for his glorious reward.
Accordingly, in December 1662, he fell extremely weak. Mr John Livingston, now suffering for the same cause with him, and under a sentence of banishment for refusing the foresaid oath, came to visit Mr Dickson on his death-bed. They had been inti- mate friends near fifty years, and now rejoiced together as fellow confessors. When Mr Livingston asked the professor how he found himself, his answer Avas, " I have taken all my good deeds, and all my bad deeds, and cast them through each other in a heap before the Lord, and fled from both, and betaken myself to the Lord Jesus Christ, and in him I have SAveet peace." Mr Dick-
' Referring to tbe production to m iiicli tliis Life originally formed a preface.
LIFE OF MK DAVID DICKSON. 13
eon's youngest son gave my informer, a worthy minister yet alive, this account of his father's death. Having been very weak and low for some days, he called the family together, and spoke in particular to each of them, and when he had gone through them all, he pronounced the words of the Apostolical blessing, 2 Cor. xiii. 14, with much gravity and solemnity, and then put up his hand and closed his own eyes, and without any struggle or appa- rent pain, immediately expired in the arms of his son, my brother's informer.^
Mr Dickson married Margaret Koberton, daughter to Archibald Eoberton of Stonehall, a younger brother of the house of Ernock, in the shire of Lanark. By her he had three sons, John Dickson, Clerk to the Exchequer in Scotland, Mr Alexander Dickson, pro- fessor of the Hebrew tongue in the College of Edinburgh, and Mr Archibald Dickson, who lived with his family in the parish of Ir- vine. By these he hath left a numerous posterity.
It remains only now that I give some account of Mr Dickson's writings and works he hath left behind him in print and in manu- script, which speak when he is dead. He was concerned in, and I am ready to think one principal mover of, that concert among several worthy ministers of this Church, for pubHshing short, plain, and practical expositions upon the whole Bible. I cannot recover all their names who were engaged in this work, but I know Messrs Robert Douglass, Rutherford, Robert Blair, George Hutcheson, James Ferguson, Alexander Nisbet, James Diu-ham, John Smith, and some others, had particular books of holy Scripture allotted to them.^ The labours of the most of these are published, and the
^ This took place in the year 1662, soon after Diclisou Avas driven from his professorial chaLi- by the success of the unprincipled monarch for whom he had so zealously but blindly struggled.
2 It was a favourite object with Dickson to simplify the Scriptures, " that the weaker judgementes might be supported, and all excuse taken away from the wittie sluggard.'' He describes the plan alluded to in the text in the following sentences, in his preface to his " Short Explanation of the Epistle of Paul to the Hebrews." — " And to this purpose, I haue beene verie instant with the godlio-learned of myne acquayntance, to take this matter in hand ; and to divyde amongst them the hard parts of Scripture at least, that this worke might
14 A SHORT ACCOUNT OP THfi
works of others of them yet remain in manuscript. Mr Dickson, with whom at present I am only concerned, published
His Commentary on the Hebrews, 8vo.
on Matthew, 4to.
on the Psalms, 8vo.
on the Epistles, Latin and English, 4to and
folio. His Therapeutica Sacra : or Cases of Conscience resolved, in
Latin 4to, in English 8vo. A Treatise of the Promises, 12mo. Dublin, 1630.
Besides these, he "WTote a great part of the answers to the demands, and duplies, to replies of the doctors of Aberdeen, 4to, and some of the pamphlets in defence of the public Resolutions, as hath been ob- served ; with some short poems on pious and serious subjects, which I am told have been very useful when printed and spread among country people and servants, such as, TJie Christian Sacrijice ; O Mother dear Jerusalem! and one somewhat larger, 8vo, 1649, entitled, True Christian Love, to be sung with the common tunes of the Psalms. This is all of his I have seen in print.^
Several of his MSS. remain unprinted.- Besides some of his ori-
bcc done by the liandes of manic which could not bee done by one. I found then- approbation of my desire, and inclinable willingnesse to put hand to worke also. But some of them for the weyght of their ordinarie charge, some of them for age and infii-mitie of body, some of them for their handes full of the Lord's worke in another sorte, could not adventure to bee straytlie ingaged in the worke. AVhere-thorow I Avas forced eyther to forsake my desires, which daylie were kindcled within mcc more and more, or else come foorth with something of this kynde, as might bee, and seeke amongst my readers some to take this matter to heart, and to doe therein as the Lord should enable them, by them- sclues or by others."
1 There is also a poem ascribed to Dickson, entitled " Honey Drops, or Crys- tal Streams," and sometimes printed along with the others. His poetry is just Scriptm-e rudely versified, and though it is often characterized by much pathos and beauty of sentiment, it is by no means equal to his prose productions.
2 For information regarding some of these, see Life of Dickson prefixed to his Select Works, already referred to, p. 50.
LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSON. 15
ginal letters, I have lils Preparatio Tyronis Concionaturi, which I suppose he dictated to his scholars at Glasgow, — his Summarium Libri JesaicB, — his Letter on the Resolutions, — his First Paper upon the Public Resolutions, — his Reply to Mr Patrick Gillespie and Mr James Guthrie, — and his No Separation of the well-affected from the Army. I am not sure but some of these may be in print. They are gener- ally pretty large papers, of several sheets in writing. His sermons at Irvine upon 1 Tim. i. 5, I have mentioned abeady. I doubt not but many more of his valuabfe papers are in the hands of others, such as his Precepts for a daily Direction of a Christian! s Con- versation— The Grounds of the true Christian Religion, by way of catechism for his congregation of Irvine — A Compend of his Ser- mons upon Jeremiah and the Lamentations, and the first nine chapters of the Epistle to the Romans. These I have not seen, but I know they are in the hands of ministers.^
^ The Life of Dickson by Wodrow terminates here. The rest of the preface from which this is printed is occupied with a critique on one of his books.
APPENDIX
TO TWE
LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSOK
SS^^F S a specimen of Dickson's views and bis? cieneral dci:)ort- W^$ . ^*ri ment, we subioiu the folio wins: Address to the General P ' j Assembly of 1G38, on the subject of Arminianism. It
IJ^i?s^&?i^3u is headed —
AEMINIANIS3I DISCUSSED.
"Then Mr David [Dick] raise and spack as folio wes : — The taske is large, the tyme is short ; therefore I will sett myselff to as little tyme as I can ; only I woidd have this preface in the beginnings that we would all labour to have errours in als 2:reat detestation as any corporall vyce ; and doubtlesse, if our eyes were open to see the bewtie of trueth and the good fruites of It, and to see the vyldnes of errours, and the fearfull consequences of it, we would need no exhortatioun of this sort. For the preaching of errour is like the selling of poysoned pestied bread, that slays the eater of it, and infects with the breath every man that comes neir hand ; and albeit the Lord hath brought in wholesome food in his house, and lies held his table long covered, yet the malice of Sathan, and the bussines of the Pope to recover his kingdome, and the dalliance of worldlie men, lies sett instruments on foot to trouble our Chmxh againe ; and God, in his deep wisdome and justice, hes suffered, the matter to goe that farr on, that Ave might see Avliat a fearfull VOL. ir. B
18 APPENDIX TO THE
sin it was to put the kcycs of the house of God in wrong hands, and what evil freicks, crronrs in discipline would bring foorth, and also that he might punische the unsanctified and proud witts of men that would take upon them to governe his Kirk, as also he would have these ministers in this land corrected for their negli- gence who are like the rest of the countrie, who thinkes of armes whilst they are in peace. So have we done. In tyme of peace we were all secure, and dreamed not of straites, and studied for no more but to get ane sermone in the week ; yet blessed be our God, who hes alse many painfull and faithfull servands as will be suffi- cient to cleare his trueth of his Kirk against all that will say the contrair.
By the power of Jesus, I will take up my speach in thir heads. First, I Avill lay out their errors in four heads ; Secondlie, I will lay out our doctrine in uther four ; then, Thirdlie, I will lay out before you the cullours they use instead of probation ; Fourthlie, then I will lay before you some maine reasons which are the cause and ground of all the errours, and the grounds whereupon the dispute runs wrong on their syde ; then I will shaw you the bulwark wherein our strenth stands ; Lastlie, I will answer some objections, and so close. For the trueth of our doctrine, I will content my- selfe with a place or two, and it is in the hinder end of the 52 Isai, and G of John, 29 v% which is sufficient for a confirmation of all our doctrine against all Arminians.
(1.) For the first. The Arminians they grant ane election ; but such a ane as makes man to be a chooser of God, and not God to be chooser of man, that by their course God shall choose a man twenty tymes, and refuse him or reprobat him twenty-one tymes, and the man to goe to hell in the hinder end.
(2.) For the death of Christ they make a great bussines for it, as if they were the only men that knew to extend the worth of it ; but it comes home to this : — Christ layes doune his blood, and buyes no waires bot a possibilitic of some man's salvation — that is to say, they extend his death in drawing on of a bargane betwixt God and man, to put man in the termes that Adam fell into, that
LIFE OF MK DAVID DICKSON. 19
man may take a new essay of himselfe, by the force of miiversall grace, to hold his feet where Adam fell.
(3.) There is concerning man's conversion, wherein they would seeme to plead for themselves, that they are seeking no more but to make man to be no stock nor block, and if they had no further, we should easillie grant that he were not a stock in his conversion ; but he is a quick divell, and when it comes to the upwith, heir doe they schoot ' to put all the matters in man's awne hand, that God shall be the giver of abilitie to convert by giving the man a power of frie-will, but the man shall have the glorie to tume himsehe to God or receave grace.
(4.) For the last and fourth poynt ; they sever poor simple man, and sett him alone with the staff of his frie-will tottering in his hand, and the diveU, the world, and sin, tempting him ; and then they dispute with him, saying, that there is no assurance of perse- verence, and that the saints may fall away, and all the rest of it ; whileas, they should joyne all his lielpes, with all his hinderances, and should put him in the hand of ane cautioner and guyd to teach him and correct him, and raise him up when he is fallen.
These being their four errors, I oppose to them the doctrme of the Kirk of Scotland, whereof we may all thinke good the day, and thank God most heartille for it ; and seeing I have gotten leeve to speake, I blesse God in Jesus Christ our Lord, that evir looked upon the Kii'k of Scotland, to give us a doctrine that will not suffer itselff to be disgraced by errors or false doctrine, but will take the place of it in the hands of weake Ministers who will not boast of their learning, but whose glorie is simple trueth ; and in that we wiU glorie more nor in all the learning in the world, finding ourselves guarded against all the scribes and dispulers of the world, since we have the trueth of Christ in simplicitie accord- ing to the word.
1. We give this for our doctrine out of the Avord of God — That there is a number severed out, in God's speceall purpose, from the race of mankind, and advanced above tlie state of nature, to tlie ^ Push, endeavour.
20 APPENDIX TO THE
estate of grace and glorie, by a speccall designation, and that for no foirsecnc good workcs in the man, hut for his free grace and good purpose Avho helped to make the man, then to put the saule in him, and then to put such and such graces in his saule, and re- stoir what Avas fallen in him, and so make him doe good workes. This ground is clear from Scripture. Ye know he will have mercie on whom he will, and whom he will he hardens ; for he is a Sove- raigne Lord, and, of his owne workmanship, he can advance ane pairt higher of it then ane uther, and doe no wrang to the rest.
2. For the matter of Christ's purchase by his death, we teatch that our Lord made no blind blocke, but wist Aveill what he bought, as the Father wist what he sold ; and had his scheepe before his cyesj and was content to lay doune his lyfe for them ; [for] all thinges that belonge to lyfe and salvation he layd doune such a pryce to the Father, and [He] declaired, by a voice from heaven, that he was pleased with it — " This is my beloved Sone."
3. For conversion we say, that how quicke, how reasonable so- ever a man is in the houre of his conversion, considering him as he is, a naturall man, and so wicked in himselff, that there is so much power in the gospell of grace, the Spirit of God concunnng there- with, that he is able, not onlie morallie to perswade and convince the man, but efFectuallie to induce the mynd of him — keeping him- selfe still in a freedome of will, that most willinglie and frielie makes the man turne unto God, and to take his Mediator and God in his amies, who before was in the amies of Sathan.
4. For the fourth we say, that, albeit it is true, there is nothing vainer nor man — nothing lighter than he — he being laid in the balance, and nothing fickler nor he, for at his best estate he is alto- gether vanitie — yet He that hes bought him deare will never leave him nor forsake him. That man that he hes begun to take be the heart, and to speake to as he uses to doe to these quliom he setts his mynd upon and calls according to his purpose, he so admon- ishes him, reproves him, corrects him, and causes him to eat the fruit of his owne wayes in cace he deborred,^ that he causes him
^ Wandered, siimed.
LIFE OP MR DAVID DICKSON. 21
cast all consolations from liimselfe — from men — from the world — from sin — and makes him faine to creipe in under his Lord's Avinges, and bringes him through all doubts, and rubbs, difficulties, and temptations, and never leaves him till he sett him before his Master and Lord.
NoAV, their cullours are cliieflie tlirie — first, from Scriptures, rent ane of them from ane uther, as if there were no Scripture but that text quhilk they would seeme to prove their errours by, quhich text of theirs being compaired with uthers, is our doctrine ; and by soe doeing, they deale lyke sophists rather than telling the mynd of the Spirit of God, who tells not all his mynd in ane sen- tence, but must be waited on till he tell his last word ; and reason it be so — as, for example, when the matter of man's salvation and conversion is spoken of, to say the Lord sweares he loves not the death of a sinner, and we oppose to them ane uther Scripture, that he laughed at the destruction of the wicked ; where they take the ane place and not the uther, and takes not that quhilk agries with • — but he rejoyces at their destruction — not as it is a destructionc of the creature ; but when man wilfullie rejects grace and mercie and scornes God, it is righteous av* God to rejoyce in his destruC'- tion when the man will not rejoyce in his mercie.
Ane other of their cullours is a number of calumnies of our doc- trine, where before the ignorant and unlearned, that understands not what we teache, they seeme to speake to them with some face, as if our doctrine did open a doore to sin ; whereas howsoever, as in other professions, there are too many prophane among them, if all of them be not so, yet amongst us, the doctrine is such that if any man be prophane, or abuse the trueth that is spockcn, he bearcs the blame liimselfe, and not the Lord.
Their third cullour is plausable humane reasones and discourse, draweu from the corrupt judgement of unsanctified men — as if man wer to sitt downe and lay the platforme of his OAvne salvation, and not to leave it to the word and to the Lord; but humane rcasonc shall prove a foolc when it comes to the contrarc of these two.
22 APPENDIX TO THE
The gTOunds of tlicii- mistaking arc tliir,— 1. That they confound the decreet of God concerning the last end of man, with the maner of the executioncs of the dccrie of the meanes : as, for example, they draw all their objections from the matter of God's treating with the visible Chm'ch, wherein God takes np the ridle,^ and seif,^ and fyne^ of his promise and commandments, threatenings, and condi- tionall offices, [offers ?] and sifts out the man that is his owne, and leaves the rest unexcusable. They draw out a decreit of this, as if God had been unresolved when he began to speake conditionallie to man — as if there had beine no more determinat concerning the man he had a purpose vmto, nor the preacher that must speake to every ane of his auditours ; and this error drawes verie deepe, for they make God's decreit, reducit according to his frie-will, laye God's decreit by, wliill man falles in his lappe, and so makes God rcsigne his Soverainitie — Avhill the end of the world they make man goe and God to stand by : for man will guyde the matter of his salvation by his frie-will, and so they make God a spectator or a furnisher of directions only as he is called by the man's frie-will. God comes in at frie-will's back and furnishes directions, and frie- will determines ; and so they give a God-head to frie-will, and make God resigne his Soveraignitie quhill doomsday, and only now coming in at the back of free-Avill, following the designationes of man.
Ane uther reason of theirs is this, — That they extend the death of Christ only to a posslbilitie of the salvation of all men, and to the possibilitie of the salvation of no man — making Christ's death to have the oune operation sufficientlie, if Christ facilitat the Avay betwixt God and man, howbeit, Christ never got a man saved, nor CA' er cat the fruit of his laboures ; whereas our Lord was never so ejill a merchand as to lay dovrne his lyfe, and never Avill there- fore, nor sick a foole as to make a bargane whilk might be sus- pended by man's fickle frie-will : who lies that much prudence that he forsee a losse or danger he will govcrne it.
A third errouris this, — That they think God's cfl'ectuall working
LIFE OF Mil DAVID DICKSON. 23
ill the conversion of man cannot subsist with the reservation of the nature of his ovi^ne frie-will, even as if the saints in heaven, and the spirits tliat are perfyted, and Jesus Christ our Lord, in his manhead, had never done, nor coukl never doe, a turnc but of neces- sitie, and nothing of frie-will ; for, except they get this sovcraigni- tie to man's frie-will, if the will of God overrule him, and deter- mine him to doe good, presentlie they cry out, he's destroyed the man's frie-will ; as when a man preaches morallie to aue auditour, leaving nothing undone to persuad them by his word, he hes lelt their freedome never a straw the less.
According to the Popish and Arminian grounds, the man being left standing his alone, he must fall away from grace ; for sure Christ lies done all that can be done by a IMcdiatour, and then only stands besyde as a spectator, (as they say.) I Avonder nothing that they speake of perseverance as they doe ; for if the world were left to us our alone, we would fall in the myre ; whereas, in the perseverance of the saints, the man aijd the master goes togither — the debtor and the cautioner goes togither — the captaine and the souldiour goes togither — Christ and the man never sheds ;^ and howsoever we grant that without Christ we can doe nothing, and that if there Avere no more nor our strength, all would goe wrong ; yet, with Christ, we are able to doe all things, and bring any thing about that he is to imploy us in.
Thair maine errour is this, (let me speake it Avith reverence to- Avards your learning,) — not knoAving the Scriptm'es, and the power of God in the matter of the covenant of redemption betwixt God and Christ; yet there is enough of it in the Scripture. They pointed at it themselves, Avliich, if they should have folloAved, they might [have] sein all theh matter in the midst ; for the covenant of salvation betwixt God and man is ane thing, and the covenant of redemption betwixt God and Christ is ane uther thing. The cove- nant betAvixt God and Christ AA'as done and endit before ever there Avas a Avord of it in the Avorld ; but the covenant betAvixt God and man is by the meanes of the Mediator, which makes all sufficient,
^ Separate.
24 APPENDIX TO TEE
find he is our strenth and biilwarkc ; and Avlien all tlieir objections are made, avc steppe to onr Magna Charta, and wliere "vve can get any gripping wc hold it fast, to Avit — the articles of a superior cove- nant made by Jesus Christ, our Mediator and Advocat, in which there are articles contradictorie to all Arminians, that so there shall be no more possibilitie of the breaking of these articles, nor of garr- ing' God and Christ faill. When ane end of a bridge falles, the uther must fall with it ; so when our frie-will is the ane end, and Christ the uther, then must it stand ; and heir, I say, is our bul- warke.
Their generall objections are three. The first is, that our doctrine is not good, for we terrific them, telling them that God has a spe- cial! election and speciall reprobation ; and our doctrine, say they, is not good for tender consciences that are converted. We desyre no better answer for the tyme, nor retort their objections back againe upon them ; and we say that their doctrine is not good for conversion, becaus they keepe the man unhumble and unpenetent. They never gar a man say, " I have no strenth nor abilitie to doe any good to my selfe — Lord amend me !" But they keepe a man from denying him selfe, and how shall he follow Clu'ist ? But our doc- trine layes man in the dust, and garres him peepe of it : and so our doctrine for conversion is very fitt ; and if our doctrine prevaile that faiT with any man as to garr him grant that he lies nothing, then presentlie our Lord keepes him, and gives grace to that unworthie bodie. Everie man that takes with his sinfulness, our doctrine pidles that man in the annes of it. I say more : our doctrine drawes any man fra that — " I will not be saved albeit God bid me," but garres him either come to a note, or professe himselfe to he hypocrite ; and for these that are tender and weake, he caries the matter so, that he will not breake the biiiised reid, if he grant he hes inlaiked, and would be helped of yow, but if (he would be helped) lie keepes him, and proppcs him up on all hands. Upon the uther hand, our doctrine will not let a man lay his platt upon Heaven : that is, not in the way to it. It will not let him say he is a be-
• Making, causing.
LIFE OF MR DAVID DICKSON. 25
llever, except he be labouring to worke by love, and cxpres his faith be his obedience ; and we retort this upon them, for they say it is in the man's power, when, how, and in what measure he will, [to] determine w4iat he pleases ; and so a man may say, "I am young, and I may delay till death comes, for it will come not so soone, but I will get halfe an houres advertisement;" and so their doctrine opens a doore to sinning rather then ours.
Now for the grounds. Looke what the Scripture sayes for us, and that will settle the bussines. The last pairt of the 52 chap. Esal — " Behold, my servand shall deale prudentlle ; he shall be exalted and extolled, and be very high." There Christ is called the Father's servand, becaus he was designed to take on our nature, and to bring in the elect children. It Is said of him, that he shall deale prudentlle — he shall keepe up the doctrine of elec- tlone and repi'obatlon, so that never man shall get the doore dung in his schafts ^ that would be in, but does good to all, to the kind and to the unkynd, and layes no stumbliug-blocke before them that perisches. No man shall ken the reprobation of any ; but election shall have many markes, whereby the man may climb up to the Palace, and by tyme, read his name In the Booke of Lyfe. How will this matter be brought about? His visage was so marred more nor any man. They say that indeed Christ will get a blecked face by the gate[way] ; and [if] he get this done, he must walde the glarre^ myre of our sins, and the punishment thereof. Our Lord got his visage marred ; but what will be uncertalne of recompence ? This It was told him 5000 yeares agoe, that he should be exalted, extolled, and be very high, and that kings should speir for him. Take yow all good heart. The cans that we are about the dny, kings shall speir for It, and shall be forced to heare It in due tyme, by Christ's wise bringing about the matter ; and becaus men would thinke this universall, he tells. In the beginning of the next chapter, that It Avas for none but these to whom the Lord's armc is reveilled. The reasons wherefore the reprobates would not believe : — he tells us there are some wicked persons, who, tho' all ^ Violently shut against him. ^ Foul.
26 APPENDIX TO THE
tlie miseries were before them, and wer dealt with by never so many arguments to turne from their former wickednes, yet tliey will not leave their owne wayes, but wilfuUie ehoyse the wayes of death of theu- owne accord. And (John vi.) our Master telles — " All that the Father lies given to me shall come to me ; and them that come to me I will not cast out, but will raise them up at the last day." He must keepe not only your soules but your bodies, yea, and your very dust, and [ye] shall never be tane aif the hand of the Sone of God till he render up the kingdome to the Father.
Now I Avill close my speache. By all meanes lett Christ's parte in the Scripture, and the thinges that concerne his kingdome and persone, be better studied by us ; lett this covenant, made betwixt God and Christ, and betwixt God and us through Christ, be better studied ; for since the Avhole Byble takes the denomination from this covenant, it is recommended to us to studie it better, Avhere ye see our Lord lies tane course to make all thinges fast, and lies so wiselie expressed in the Sci'ipture, that no man shall have leave to presume to despair, to be profane or abuse the doctrine of grace upon any just ground.
Now for the theses. They shall be given in Anite ryplie at a convenient tyme.
1. There is a covenant of redemption betwixt God and the Me- diatour, Christ, preceiding the covenant of grace and salvation, made betmxt God and the fiiithfull man, through Christ, whicli is the ground of all this treating that God lies with man in the preach- ing of the gospell.
2. In this covenant of redemption, betwixt God and the second persone, designed !Mediatour betwixt God and man, the elect wer designed and condescendit particularlie upon their number and names, with then- gifts and degrees of grace and glorie to be be- stowed upon them, and the tyme and meanes to bestow it was all condescendit and agricd upon.
3. Tlie pryce of the redemption, what and how much should be payit by the lledeemer for the purchase of all these gifts, how laiig he should be holden captive of deatli, &c., all was determined.
LIFE OF ilR DAVID DICKSON. 27
4. The Mediatoiu" was made sure of succes before he pat hand to the makhig of the world ; and all the elect were given to him, and their salvation put in his hand, with all power in heaven and earth given to him to bring it to passe ; and so he is sure to find out the man to pm^suade and convert, to lead him tlu'ough toutches and temptations, through fears and falls, till he bring him to peace ; and this reflige of the soide is a sufficient post against all Arminians' doubts.
5. He manadges tliis matter in the dispensation of the gospell so wiselie, as it gives no man any reasonable ground either to presume of God's mercic, or to despair of God's grace ; he tempers it so that the hoHest man shall have no matter of comfort except he walke in the way of holinesse, and the wickedest man shall not be put out of hopes, but to be receaved whensoever he will turne in to seeke grace, and lyfe, and holiness in Jesus."
Dickson, as we have seen in his Life, was chosen Moderator of the General Assembly in 1639. The following is his inaugural address : —
MR DAVID DICK, MODEEATOUR, HIS SPEECH.
The Moderatour, at his first entrie to the place, had this pre- face : — " This is more than we durst have craved of God, if we had looked to our oune deserving ; but since it hath beene his Majes- tie's pleasure who rules heaven and earth, to looke upon our gra- cious king, and move his heart to grant this freedome, we have reasone all of us to acknowledge God's mercie to his Majestic and to us, and to acknowledge his Majestie's goodnes, and to make verie welcome your Grace Avho is to represent his Majestie ; and I trust this Assembly will allow me verie weill to give thankes to the Moderatour who served in this roume last, who, whatsoever you thought or said, God magnified himselfe in yow, and made your honestic, and the cans in your hand, clcare to many ; and to
28 ArrENDix to the life of mr david dickson.
those to -whom yc Avere most caliimnlat, so that both the king's Commissioner and Counccll have scene that yoAV have beene seek- ing God onhc, and no other thing — and the Lord bless yow ! Now, as the Commissioner spacke verie fitlie that jealousies and suspitions vi^ould be farr away, becaus they are contrare to the dcsignes professed by his Majestie, and whereof we have this evi- dence ; and contrare to the designes of avs ministers, who ought to be ministers of peace, ayming at nothing but God's glorie and the Weill of his Church : Therefore, let us labour by all meanes to get owr hearts single ; becaus in so doing owr God will helpe us. And first, to thinkc of overtures, how we may extirpat all grounds of suspition and jcalousic which might be in brethren's hearts, becaus of the differences of judgments about the discipline of the Church, and that ceremonies, that she has beene troubled Avith, may bo turned in perpetuall oblivion. And seeing there is in us ane mynd and heart toward God and peace, let us think upon some over- tures, how we may open the bosome of this Kirk to all these who are penitent, or in any measure sensible of their misdeservings, (not those who deserve most excepted, if the Lord gives them repent- ance,) seeing we are these who professed ourselves to be men seek- ing God, trueth, and peace. Yea, thirdlie, let us give evidence that we are single-hearted tOAvard these that are of a contrare reli- gion, and that we haA^e no mynd to insnare them, or handle them so as their OAAaie consciences, upon their owne grounds could say, considering our rules, but rather hoAV Ave shall get them informed of their scruples, heard, attendit, and Avaited upon, and by all meanes their mynds brought to this poynt of conviction, that they know nothing but God and their oAvne salvation, and all in a vcrio moderat mancr."
MEMOIES
OF THE
LIFE AND CHARACTEU MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE,
MINISTER AT FENWICK.
BY Tllli:
REV. WILLIAM DUNLOP.
WITH ADDITIONS BY REV. ROBERT WODROW, AND REV. ROBERT TRAILL.
NOTE.
Like the Memoirs of Dickson, the following account of William Guthrie originally formed part of a preface to his chief Work — The Trial of a Saving Interest in Christ. It is to be regretted that nothing more finished or exact can be found regarding one who acted so prominent a part, and exercised so extensive an influence in his day and generation. With the addition, however, of Wodrow's Remarks, extracted from his History — and a short account of Guthrie by Rev. Robert Traill, of London, also forming part of a preface to an Edition of his chief production, both of which are here subjoined, we are ena- bled to foi'm some tolerable estimate of the character of another of those of whom the world was not worthy. It will be seen, from the narrative which follows, that Dr John Owen reckoned Guthrie capable of embody- ing more theology in a small volume than Owen himself could do in several folios. An eulogy of such a nature, from so competent a judge, makes us anxious to know exactly the mental as well as the external history of such a man — and though the few pages that follow cannot completely gratify our curiosity, they at least make it apparent that William Guthrie, as far as we know him, was not unworthy of the en- comium bestowed on him by Owen, and of the admiration with which he was regarded by many of his contemporaries.
The Rev. William Dunlop, the Author of these Memoirs, was Pro- fessor of Divinity and Church History in the University of Edinburgh. He died October 29th, 1720, at the early age of twenty-eight, and Wodrow records that "his death was a great loss to the Church of Scot- land." Some of his Sermons and Lectures were published towards the close of the year 1722, and have been subsequently reprinted. He is well known to have acted an important part in the ecclesiastical proceed- ings of his day, especially in regard to the Confession of Faith. Dunlop was supplied by Wodrow, who was related to Guthrie, with materials for the following Memoirs. — See Woo. Correspond, i. 23 ; iii. ISG, 201, 202.
MEMOIRS
LIFE AND CHARACTER
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE,
R WILLIAM GUTHRIE was eldest son to the Laird of Pitforthy in the shire of Angus, a cadet of the old family of Guthrie ; and by the mother's side descended from the ancient house of Easter- Ogle, of AA'hich she was a daughter : whereby he enjoyed such advantages of birth, as at least raised him above the contempt of those who give the highest value to nobleness of blood, and doat most fondly on the antiquity of families. God blessed his parents with a numerous offspring, so that he had three sisters- german, and four brothers, all of which, except one, dedicated themselves to the service of God in the gospel of his Son : namely, Robert, who was licensed to preach, but never ordained to a paro- chial charge, his tender constitution and numerous infirmities ren- dering him unequal for so laborious an office, and bringing him soon to an end of his days ; Alexander, who became minister of the parish of Strickathrow, in the presbytery of Brechin in Angus, about the year 1645, where he continued a pious and useful la- bourer in the work of the gospel till the introduction of Prelacy ; VOL. II. c
34 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
which unhappy change of our constitution affected him in the ten- derest manner, and is thought to have shortened his days, and con- tributed to his death, anno IGGl; and John, the youngest son, minister of Tarbolton in the shu'e of Ayr, in which post he remained till he was turned out at the Restoration, for nonconformity, and had his share of the violence and cruelty which then reigned ; till in the year 1669 he was removed to the better world of peace and joy. And as it was a very distinguished honour to this family, that of five sons, four of them should have devoted themselves to the noblest employment of human nature, the ministry of recon- ciliation, and the promoting the eternal happiness of perishing souls ; so no doubt it was one of the most pleasing circumstances in the life of our author, and could not but mightily heighten the endearments of a natural relation to his brothers, that they were at the same time brethren in the ministry, and united in the pecu- liar service of their common Lord.
He was born at Pitforthy in the year 1620, and no sooner got beyond the bloom of infancy, but he gave proofs of his capacity and genius, by very quick and considerable advances in the Latin and Greek tongues. After which he was sent to the LTniversity of St Andrews, where he studied philosophy under the memorable Mr James Guthrie, who was afterwards minister at Stirling ; and became so famous by his uncommon zeal for the religion and liberty of his country, and by his being made one of the earliest sacrifices to the growing tyranny of King Charles II.'s reign. The scholar being the master's relation, was entitled to his peculiar care, lodged, when at the college, in the same chamber with him, and had thereby the principles of learning infused into him with more accuracy and advantage than his class-fellows, in conjunction with a constant regard to God and religion, and early impressions of piety ; and no doubt this happy situation contributed not a little to the unusual progress he made in all the parts of university studies.
Having taken the degree of Master of Arts, he applied himself for some years to tlie study of divinity, under the direction of Mr
MR WILLIAM GUTHKIE. 35
Samuel Rutherford. After which, being entered upon trials, which he underwent with great applause, he was licensed to preach the gospel in August 1642. And according to Mr Traill's account, he not only happily improved in theological learning, under Mr Ruther- ford as professor of divinity, but the ministry of that good man, so justly celebrated for his affecting and lively preaching, and holy life, was, by the blessing of God, made the instrument, if not of his conversion, which his early piety gives us ground to believe was sooner effected, at least of great advances in a religious life, Avhich was so endeared to his soul, that he resolved to devote him- self to the immediate service of God in the office of the holy minis- try : And in consequence of that pious resolution, he gave an un- common instance of mortification to the world, and with how ardent a zeal he designed to give himself wholly to the work of the gospel, in quitting his paternal estate to the only brother of the five who was not engaged in the sacred office, that thereby he himself might be perfectly disentangled from the affairs of this life, and entirely employed in those of the eternal world. Soon after his being li- censed he left St Andrews, accompanied with the high esteem and approbation of the professors of that university, which they gave proof of, by a recommendation conceived in terms so full and strong, that they bore the character of an inward regard and value, more than the form of a customary testimonial. After this, he be- came governor to my Lord Mauchline, eldest son to the Earl of Lou- don, Chancellor of Scotland ; in which station he continued till he entered upon a parochial charge, of which this was the occasion.
He was employed to preach in Galstoun upon a preparation-day, before the celebration of the Lord's Supper, and where several members of the new erected parish of Fenwick being present, they were so much edified by his sermon, and conceived so just a value for him, that they immediately resolved to make choice of him for their minister ; and in consequence hereof gave him a very harmo- nious call, which Mr Guthrie having complied with, he was or- dained to the sacred office in that parish, November 7th, 1644. In tliis place he had peculiar difficulties to struggle witli, and many
30 LIFE AND CHARACTER OT
circumstances of his ministry extremely discouraging; and yet, through the divine blessing, the gospel preached by him had sur- prising success, and became, in an eminent manner, the Avisdom and power of God to the salvation of lost souls.
As this was a new erected parish, and Mr Guthrie the first pas- tor of it, the people had been very much neglected, and had not enjoyed the means of grace with that ease and advantage which others were favoured with : the melancholy effects whereof were evidently discernible in the rudeness and gross ignorance of many of them ; and, consequently, in a too general neglect of God and religion.
But under all these disadvantages, that heavenly zeal for the glory of his sreat Master which animated the labours of this excellent minister, his fervent love to the souls of men dying in their sins, and his holy wisdom and diligence in reclaiming and instructing them, were so honoured by God, and accompanied mth the power- ful influences of his Holy Spirit, that in a little time a noble change was wrought upon a barbarous multitude. They were almost all persuaded to attend the public ordinances, to set up and maintain the stated worship of God in their families ; and scarce was there a house in the whole parish that did not bring forth some fruits of his ministry, and afford some real converts to a religious life. And thus he was made the instrument of many notable triumphs of vic- torious grace, which Jesus Christ leads over the souls of obstinate transgressors, when he turns them from theh- ways, and subdues the people under him. And what can be more worthy of everlast- ing remembrance, than such glorious achievements in the spiritual wai'fare, and successful battles with the implacable enemy of the happiness of mankind, and the kingdom of their Maker ; which will one day shine with an eternal lustre, and be celebrated witli louder and more lasting acclamations of an endless world, than the fading honour of an earthly diadem, or the bravest actions and most finished victory of any of the heroes of war, who make now such noise and bustle upon the stage ? And how little needed the man we are now speaking of to envy the dazzling pomp and show
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 37
of tills earth, or to be desirous of its ricliest treasures ? He pos- sessed another portion, since ahnost every family in his parish, how- ever little and obscure, afforded a shining ornament for that divine crowTi of glory and rejoicing, Avhich shall be beautified with the lustre of an eternal excellency, and be, by the triumphant King of the Church, bestowed upon all those who have turned many unto righteousness.
Mr Guthrie was possessed of all those qualities which became a minister of the gospel, and being accompanied by the powerful in- fluences of divine grace, gave a happy prospect of uncommon suc- cess : for, besides his excellent endowments which were discovered in the pulpit, he was eminently fitted to improve, for the edifica- tion of Ills people, the ministerial duties of visiting and catechising; in performing whereof he joined an indeflitigable diligence to a holy skill, knew how to embrace every opportunity of discoursing upon the most important and awfid subjects, in a plain and familiar man- ner, and of recommending religion to the consciences of every one in the way which their special cuxjumstances called for. And it was his peculiar care to endear the ways of God to the youth of his ])arish, and give them early impressions of an eternal world, before the devil and their lusts had seized upon their hearts, and enslaved them : and the seed of grace that was thus so^^ii during the spring of life was, tlirough the divine blessing, preserved in many as they advanced in years, and brought forth much fruit. Nor did Mr Guthrie neglect, in visiting poor families, to join works of charity to his instructions, and imitate his great Master, in showing com- passion both to the bodies and souls of men. By all which \^anning methods he engfaffed their esteem and afifections, which could not fail to add a mighty force to his exhortation and reproofs.
He excelled also in that unusual mean of knowledge, catechising, and avoided those mistakes in the management of this exercise, which frequently lessen the advantage thereof : his questions were mostly confined to such truths of the doctrine according to godli- ness, as were recommended by their great importance, and exten- sive influence upon practical religion : herein conforming himself to
38 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
the apostolical injunction, by insisting upon those things which were good and profitable unto men, and avoiding foolish and trifling questions that were vain and useless ; and knowing that it was his business to feed the meanest and weakest of the Christian flock with wholesome instruction, he adapted these exercises to the lowest ca- pacities, begun with the most easy and .obvious truths of religion, and so prej^ared the way for those which required a more enlight- ened imderstanding. He was carefid not to expose the ignorant, so as to beget a distaste in them of the means of knowledge, nor to confound the modest and bashfid ; but by his meekness and conde- scension he encouraged and engaged them ; whereby catechising became a pleasure to them, and he had the joy to see useful and soHd knowledge spreading itself among a people whom he found grossly ignorant.
His own experience in the ways of God, and the great depths of troubles and sorrows, doubts and fears, whereby awakened con- sciences are exercised, into which he himself was often plunged, eminently qualified him for assisting and comforting others in the like circumstances, for strengthening the weak hands, and confirm- ing the feeble knees ; and could not miss to beget in him that affec- tionate concern for poor souls, those bowels of tenderness and sympathy, which can never be found Avith any but such, who them- selves have had a feeling acquaintance with the methods of the spiritual life, and the work of the Holy Spirit in theii' ovai hearts and lives. And it were easy to enlarge upon the uncommon dex- terity which this excellent person had in improving sickness, and the approaches of the king of terrors, to the advantage of those who were exposed to them. So that though instances of a death-bed repentance rarely happen, and it be indeed infinite madness to delay to the last hour that work which is of eternal consequence ; yet there wanted not evidences of the divine blessing upon his endea- vours to reclaim sinners, and call them to God even in the last hour.
It would be justly blameable if we neglected to mention one other noble quality of Mr Guthrie's ; the state of his health made it ne-
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 39
cessary for him to use frequent and vigorous exercises, and this made him choose fishino; and fowling for his common recreations : but as he was always animated by a flaming zeal for the glory of his blessed Master, and a tender compassion to the souls of men, and as it was the principal thing made him desire life and health, that he might employ them in propagating the kingdom of God, and turning transgressors from their ways ; so the very hours of re- creation were dedicated to this purpose which was so endeared to him, and he knew how to make his diversions subservient to the nobler ends of his ministry, he made them the occasions of familiar- izing his people to him, and introducing himself to theu* affections ; and, in the disguise of a sportsman, he grained some to a religious life, whom he could have little influence upon in a minister's gowai ; of which there happened several memorable examples.
Some of the parish were so extremely rude and barbarous, that they never attended upon divine worship, and knew not so much as the face of their pastor ; to such, every thing that regarded reli- gion was distasteful — a minister would have been enough to have frightened them, nor could he have access either to visit or cate- chise them : but what Mr Guthrie might have almost otherwise despaired of, he eflectuatcd by his diversions ; in the habit which he then wore, he conciliated the esteem and love even of these ig- norant creatures, made use of their curiosity, as well as of nobler arguments, to bring them to the church, and enter them into the paths of salvation ; so that the pulpit was the first place wliich dis- covered to them that it was their minister himself who had allured them thither ; and so condescending a method of gaining them pro- cured a constant attendance upon pubHc ordinances, and was at length accompanied by the fruits of righteousness, which are through Jesus Christ unto the praise of God. Thus, in imitation of the great apostle, being crafty he caught them with guile. And thus heavenly wisdom and dexterity will be one day celebrated with juster applauses by the assembly of the first-born, than the cunning- est stratagems, or the bravest attempts which raise the character
40 LIFE AND CHAKACTER OF
of princes and generals, whose fame flics now swiftest and widest through the world.
Thus his eminent abilities and unwearied diligence in the work of the ministry continued to exert themselves with distinguished success; they procured the universal love of his parish; and he lived for onc-and-twenty years in such perfect harmony with his session, that during all that time, there happened not the smallest difference betwixt them.
His family affairs were also very easy and comfortable to him, August 1645, he was happily married to Agnes Campbell, daughter to David Campbell of Skcldon, in the shire of Ayr, a remote branch of the family of Loudon ; a gentlewoman endowed with all those qualities that could render her a blessing to her husband, having joined to a handsome shape and comely features, good sense and good breeding, sweetened by a modest cheerfulness of temper ; and what endeared her to Mr Guthrie beyond every thing else, sincere piety : so that they lived a little more than twenty years, in the most complete fi'iendship, and with a constant mutual satisfaction, founded upon the noblest principle, one faith, one hope, one bap- tism, and a sovereign love to Jesus Christ which zealously inspired them both. By her he had six children, two of whom only outlived him, both daughters, who were eminent for their sincere piety, and endeavoured to follow the example of their excellent parents. One of them was married to Miller of Glenlee, a gentleman in the shire of Ayr ; and the other was married to the Reverend Mr Patrick "Warner, December 1681, when the tyranny and cruelty of the times were growing to their height, and so she soon became a com- panion to him in tribulation, imprisonment and banishment for the truth's sake ; till the gloi'Ious Revolution, when Mr Warner was settled minister of the gospel at Irvine, Both he and she are yet living, full of years, waiting till their change come. Their children arc, William Warner of Ardeir, in the shire of A3r; and Margaret Warner, married to !Mi' Robert Wodrow, minister of the gospel at Eastwood, to whom we are obliged for the materials from which this account of Mr Guthrie's life is coinposed.
Mil WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 41
We have given a short account of Mr Guthrie's eminent minis- terial endowments, as they appeared in the discharge of the pasto- ral office among his own people, and of the glorious successes where- with God blessed his zealous love and unwearied diligence : but this was not the sole character which he excelled in ; for in every other capacity he gave equal proofs of his superior accomplish- ments.
He was distinguished in the judicatures of the Church, from which he never allowed himself to be absent, by a thorough knowledge of our constitution, an heroic courage and firmness whenever the cause of truth and holiness was concerned ; and that modest regard for others, and affection to his brethren, which endeared him to them, and qualified him for the business and duties of society.
When that unhappy distinction betwixt the pubhc Resolutioners and Protesters found place in the Church, Mr Guthrie thought it his duty to be of the last denomination : yet he took care that his angry passions did not embitter his zeal, which he tempered with a constant moderation, and sweetened with an ardent love to peace. He preached with his brethren of diflferent sentiments ; and warmly entertained every thing that had a tendency to union, and could give a prospect of an accommodation. The power of divine grace, and his native genius and temper, with united force engaging him to healing measures, and inspiring him mth an abhorrence for such as were factious and divisive ; so that during a season of so great dif- ficulties and hazards, he avoided every extreme, and became a bright example of a zealous moderation, whereby he was of more than ordinary usefidness to the Church on all public occasions.
In the year 1645, when a young man, he was appointed by the Assembly to attend the army; a happy conjunction of all the endowments which could qualify a person for that station, soon determining the Chvirch to make him their choice. Being newly married, he was then in such circumstances as, under the Mosaical economy, would have afforded him a dispensation from that service ; and his affectionate wife was not a little frightened at the dangers he might be exposed to, which increased her aversion to such a
42 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
degree, that her reluctant affection struggled with her duty ; but the voice of Providence soon gave the last principle the superiority. '\'Vlien he was preparing for his departm'e, a violent fit of the gravel reduced him to the greatest extremity of pain and danger. His religious spouse understood and improved the divine chastisement. She saw how easily God could put an end to a life she was too apprehensive about ; and this wrought her up to a fixed resolution never to oppose her inclinations to his entering upon any employ- ment Avhereby he might honour his Master, how formidable soever were the hazards which attended it. While he was with the army, he was in a remarkable manner preserved when in very dangerous circumstances, upon a defeat of a party which he was then with. He ever after retained a grateful sense of the divine goodness, and, after his return to the parish, was animated thereby to a more vigorous diligence in the work of the ministry, and propagating the kingdom of the Son of God, both among his own people, and all AA'ho were round about him, his public preaching, especially at the administration of the Lord's Supper, and his private conversation, conspiring for those noble pur^joses.
And, indeed, in other respects also, his sliining piety, wisdom, and good breeding, made him imiversally useful in the country Avhere he lived. The just value which the nobility and gentry in the neighboiu'hood had for him, and the interest Avhich this gave him with them, enabled him to improve successfully frequent oppor- tunities he had to do good offices to particular persons, to compose differences, and remove feuds which were ready enough to prevail in the country ; and to assist the judicatures of the Church by pro- curing the consent and support concerned, in planting vacant con- gregations with men worthy of the sacred character.
The prevailing of the English sectarians under Oliver Cromwell, and the variety of attempts which they made, while in Scotland, upon the constitution and discipline of the Church, was one of the difficulties which the ministry had then to struggle with ; and it, among others, gave a discovery of the excellent qualities of Mr Guthrie. His pleasant facetious conversation, and masterly rea-
HR WILLIAM GUTHllIE. 43
sonlng, procured liim an universal respect from the company. While, at the same time, his com'age and constancy did not fail him in the cause of his great Master, and were often useful to curb the extravagancies of the sectarians, and maintain order and regu- larity. One instance hereof happened at the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, celebrated at Glasgow by Mr Ancbew Gray. Seve- ral of the English officers had formed a design to put in execu- tion the disorderly principle of a promiscuous admission to the Lord's Table, by coming to it themselves without acquainting the minister, or being in a due manner found worthy of that privilege. Mr Guthrie, to whose share it fell to dispense the sacrament at that table, spoke to them, when they were leaving their pews in order to make their attempt, with such gravity, resolution, and zeal, that they were quite confounded, and sat doA\Ti again without occasioning any further distm^bance.
The Quakers also endeavom-ed, about this time, to sow tares in Mr Guthrie's parish, improving for this end his absence for some weeks, dm'ing which he was detained in Angus about his private affairs. But he retm'ned before the poison had sunk deep, reco- vered some that were in hazard of being tainted by its fatal influ- ences ; and in conference so confounded those heretics, that they despaired of ever attacking with success a flock guarded by so watchful and skilful a shepherd, whereas they had made too many proselytes to their wild delusions in Kilbride, and some other neighbouring parishes.
It may be easily imagined that the eminent gifts and graces of this excellent person would engage parishes of greater character .and importance than Fenwick to desire his ministry, and earnestly labour for success in their attempts to obtain it ; and, indeed, liis people and hunself were frequently exposed to the troubles of pro- cesses of transportation, and vexed with fears as to the issue of them, Renfrew, Linlithgow, Stirling, Glasgow, and Edinburgh, having aU of them called him. But beside the indifferent opinion he entertained of the method of supplying vacancies by transporta- tions in general, and that the air and diversions of a country life
44 LIFE AND CnARACTER OF
were of use to liira In maintaining a healthy constitution, his love to his flock was so warm and constant, that he put an invincible obstinacy against all designs of separating him from them. A relation is indeed founded on the noblest bottom, and sinks deepest into the soul, when it is animated by the principle of the spiritual life ; and therefore it must, in the highest degree, endear a minister to his people, and engage then" affection and esteem by the most powerful tie, when his labours have been successful in reclaiming them from sin, their ruin, and persuading them to enter upon a religious life ; and so they owe to him, as far as they can do to an instriiment in the hand of God, the salvation of their immortal souls, which is the incomparably strongest obligation that one man can have to another, and the most flowing source of gratitude. And, on the other hand, a minister can scarce miss to have a pecu- liar tenderness and warmth of divine affection for those whose father he is after the Spirit, and hath been honoured by God in bringing them to the kingdom of his Son, and begetting them through the gospel, whose heavenly birth is now the highest plea- sure, and brightest triumph of his life, and will be one day his crown of glory and rejoicing. A friendship that had such a life, and was invigorated by a spirit so pure and active, made Mr Guthrie prefer Fenwick, a poor obscure parish, to the most consi- derable charges in the nation ; which was a proof of his mortifica- tion to the world, and that he was moved by views superior to temporal interests.
Thus Mr Guthrie continued with his old parish till the great alteration which the restoration of King Charles II. made in public affairs. The first discovery that the measiu-es of the Court gave of a design to overturn the government of the Church, affected the worthy ^Ir Guthrie in the most sensible part ; nor could anything afford him satisfaction while she was in trouble, and about to be laid desolate. Nor did he let any occasion slip of showing his con- cern for that which was dearer to him than his other interests. At the Synod of Glasgow, held April 1661, after long reasoning about proper measures for the security of religion, the matter was referred
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 45
to a committee. Mr Guthrie presented the draught of an address to the Parliament, wherein a faithfid testimony was given to the purity of our reforaiation in worship, doctrine, discipline, and govern- ment, in terms equally remarkable for their prudence and their courage. Every body approved of it, and it was transmitted to the synod. But some worthy ministers, of the side of the public Resolutioners, being doubtful of the seasonablcness of such a repre- sentation, considering the difficulties of the times, gave an oppor- tunity to those who designed to comply with Prelacy to prociu-e a delay, and so to crush it ; which did not prevent its being ser- viceable to the end of our now mentioning it, namely, affording a proof of the zealous honesty and firmness of Mr Guthrie.
Another instance whereof was, the resolution he took to wait upon his worthy friend, Mr James Gvithrie, at his execution, not- withstanding the apparent hazards he must thereby have exposed himself to. But his session prevailed upon him, though not with- out difficulty, by their earnest entreaties, to lay aside a design that could not miss to deprive them immediately of his ministry, which, by the goodness of God, they enjoyed some years after his breth- ren were ejected.
Next to the protection of a kind Providence, and the fervent prayers of his own people, and of many others, unto which he always attributed this distinguished favour in the first place, Mr Guthrie's being connived at for some time was principally owing to the favour of some great men in the government, particularly the Earls of Eglinton and Glencairn, the last of whom had a regard for him, wliich was heightened by a conjunction of esteem and gra- titude, Mr Guthrie having had occasion to oblige him when impri- soned for his loyalty before the Restoration, which that noble lord never forgot ; and, when he was Chancellor, contributed wliat he could to his preservation, by which means he enjoyed the peace- able possession of his church till the year 1664.
As God had designed and prepared him for eminent and exten- sive services, during this period his excellent accomplishments now exerted themselves with the greatest efficacy, and his usefulness
4G LIFE AND CnAKACTEIl OF
was more universally clifFused through the whole country, which was in a great measure deprived of their pastors. Many then hun- gered after the word of the Lord, and this made them with more eagerness embrace the advantage which a mercifid Providence affoi'ded them of Mr Gutlme's ministry. Great multitudes resorted to lum from all the parts of the west country ; his large church was crowded with hearers from Glasgow, Paisley, Lanark, Hamilton, and other distant places, and his strong and clear voice enabled him to extend the profit of his discourses to the many hundreds who were obliged to keep without doors.
An extraordinary zeal then enlivened the souls of sincere Chris- tians ; they were animated by a warm affection to the tnith, and an uncommon delight in hearing the joyful sound ; and this made them despise the difficidties that lay in their way, and bear cheer- fully with many inconveniences, which attendance upon the sacred ordinances was then accompanied with ; so that w^e are assured by several worthy persons, who enjoyed Mr Gutlu-ie's ministry at that time, that it was their usual practice to come to Fenwick upon Saturday, spend the greatest part of that night in prayer to God, and conversation about the great concerns of their souls, attend on the public worship on the Sabbath, dedicate the remainder of that holy day to religious exercise, and then, on the Monday, go home ten, twelve, or twenty miles, without grudging the fatigue of so long a way, and the want of sleep and other refreshments, or find- ing themselves less prepared for any business tlu-oughout the week, so much was their heart enoj-ao;ed in the attendance thev j^ave to the sacred administrations. A remarkable blessing accompanied ordinances that Avere dispensed to people who came Avith such a disposition of soul : great numbers Avere couA'erted unto the truth, and many were built up in their most holy faith ; a di\'ine poAver animated the gospel that was preached, and exerted itself in a holy Avarmth of sanctified affections, a ravishing pleasure in diA'ine fel- loAVship, and a noble joy and triiunph in their King and SaA'iour, AA'hich Avere to be visibly discerned in the hearers ; many were con- firmed in the good Avays of the Lord, strengthened and comforted
Mil WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 47
figainst temporal tears and discouragements ; and the fruits of righteousness discovering their beauty and excellency in a holy conversation, were a glorious proof of the sincerity of their profes- sion, and the wonderful success of ^Ir Guthrie's ministry. And there are some of those yet alive, of whose conversion to a religious life God honoured him to be the instrument, who are ready to attest much more than hath been now said, and can never think, without an exultation of soul, and emotion of revived affections, upon the memory of their spiritual father, and the power of that victorious grace, which in those days triumphed so gloriously.
During these few years, whUe Mr Guthrie was connived at, the dangers of the time never frightened him from his duty ; but, with a becoming boldness, [lie] fortified his people in a zealous adherence to the purity of our reformation, warned them of the defection that was then made by the introduction of Prelacy, and instructed them in the duties of so difficult a season ; while he recommended, by his own "steadiness, what he taught from the pulpit, he constantly maintaining fellowship with his ejected brethren, and never making the least compliance with the prelatic schemes. And yet, in his sermons, he governed his courage and faithfiilness by Clmstian prudence ; and, with reference to civU affairs, confined himself so much to the language of the sacred oracles, and expressed himself with such a just regard to lawful authority, that his enemies could find no occasion against him.
The extraordinary reputation and usefiilness of Mr Guthrie, who M'as admired and followed by all the country, provoked the jealous and angry passions of the prelates ; and his excellent merit became one of the causes of his being attacked. Intercessions were, indeed, made in his behalf, but without success. Particidarly by the Earl of Glencairn, then Chancellor, who made a visit to the Archbishop of Glasgow, at his house there ; and, at parting, asked it as a particidar favour from him, that ]\Ir Guthrie might be over- looked, he knowing him to be an excellent man, and well affected to the ci\'il government ; but the Bishop not only refused him, but did it with a haughty and disdainful air, telling him, That cannot be
48 LIFE AND CHARACTER Or
donCj it shall not ; lie is a ringleader j and keeper up of schism in my diocese ; and then pretty abruptly left the Chancellor. Rowallan, Cunninghamheatl, and some other Presbyterian gentlemen, Avho were waiting on him, observing the Chancellor discomposed when he left the Archbishop, presmned to ask what the matter might be. To which the Earl answered. We have set up these men, and they tvill tread us under their feet. In consequence of this resolution of the inexorable Archbishop Burnet, upon the 24th of July 1664, Mr Guthrie was, by a commission from him, suspended, discharged the exercise of his ministry, and his church declared vacant, and he himself, by an armed force, obliged to remove from it, a large account of wliich will be given by the Reverend Mr Wodrow, in that usefi-d and much desired work, " The History of the Sufferings of the Cluu'ch of Scotland," which will shortly be published:^ he was, notwithstanding, allowed to live in his manse at Fenwick, where he continued some more than a year, diu-ing which he was exceeding usefid to his people in a private character.
His brother, to whom he had made over his paternal estate of Pitforthy, dying in the summer 1665, Mr Guthrie's presence there was necessary for ordering private affairs, which made him and his vn£e take jomTicy for Angus about that time. He had not been long in that country till he was seized by a complication of distem- pers, the gravel, with which he had been frequently tortured, the gout, and a violent heart-burning, at once attacking liim with great fury. The agonies which those three terrible engines of pain occa- sioned were ahnost insupportable ; and were therefore a scene pre- pared for a brighter appearance of the constancy, patience, and resignation of this worthy minister. In the midst of his heavy afflictions, he still adored the measm'es of Divine Providence, though, at the same time, he longed for his dissolution, and expressed the satisfaction and joy with which he woidd make the grave his dwelling-place, when God shoidd think fit to give him rest there. His compassionate Master at last indulged the pious
^ These Memoii's of the Life of 'SSir William Guthrie were Awtten in the year 1720, before Wudrow's History was published.
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE.
49
breathings of his soul. After eight or ten days' illness he was gathered to his Others, and died in the house of Ms brother-in-law, INIr Lewis Skinner, minister at Brechin, upon Wednesday the 10th of October 1665, afternoon, in the forty-fifth year of liis age, and was buried in the church of Brechin, under Pitforthy's desk. And as he himself died in the full assurance of faith, as to his o^vu inter- est in the covenant of God, and under the pleasing hopes that God would return in glory to the Church of Scotland, so we have no doubt that his better part, his soul, was carried by angels to those peaceful regions, not one of the inhabitants whereof ever says that he is sick ; and is now shining amidst the dazzling glories of those superior orbs, which are destined for the heroes of Christianity who have turned many unto righteousness, and have borne a dis- tinguished i>art in the battles and triumphs of the King of saints.
During his sickness he was visited by the Bishop of Brechin, and several Episcopal ministers, his relations and acquaintances, who all had an high value for him, notwithstanding he, with an ingenu- ous freedom, expressed to them his sorrow for their compliance with the corrupt estabHshment in ecclesiastical affairs, which was then made.
Tliis short and imperfect account of his life may, in some mea- sure, let the reader into the character of this excellent person ; but we hope it will not be unacceptable, if, without repeating what hath been already represented, we, in a very plain and simple manner, give some fm'ther account of his character, as we have it from persons of undoubted reputation, who were themselves well acquainted with him.
His person was stately and well-shaped, and his features comely and handsome. And while he was raised above an effeminate deli- cacy, which was unworthy the dignity of the ministeiial character, he abhorred a slovenly meanness, as very far below it, and was, therefore, neat and cleanly in his apparel ; and in his whole beha- viour, as well as in his dress, there was nothing that could give the least disgust to gentlemen of the politest education and nicest taste. An awful gravity dwelt upon his countenance, and never VOL. ir. i>
50 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
gave way to levity in conversation, or those freedoms which were nnbecommg his sacred office, however allowable they might be to persons of a different order. But he knew how to sweeten and manage his temper, so as never to degenerate into an affected solemnity, or inconversible austerity, but was usually extremely cheerful and facetious in his conversation, which made it univer- sally agreeable, and added to the esteem of a minister, the endear- ments of a friend and comrade ; — though, indeed, (whlcb is gener- ally the case of great spirits,) there was in his temper an intermix- ture of thoughtfulness and melancholy, which sometimes gained the superiority when the public interests were endangered, and the ene- mies of Zion, which was his favourite concern, prevailed.
He used the innocent recreations and exercises which then pre- vailed, fishing, fowling, and playing upon the ice, which, at the same time, contributed to preserve a vigorous health ; and. Mobile in frequent conversation with the best of the neighbouring gentry, as these occasions gave him access, to bear in upon them reproofs and instructions with an inoffensive familiarity.
His strong, clear, and melodious voice, joined to a good ear, gave him a great pleasure in music, in the theory and practice of which he had a more than ordinary dexterity ; and he failed not, with mighty joy and satisfaction, to employ frequently his voice for the noblest use of it, the praises of his Maker and Saviom* ; in which part of divine worship his soul and body acted Avith an united and unwearied vigour.
All the other amiable qualities that can give a lustre to a man or a Christian, recommended this excellent person. His genero- sity, hospitality, and charitable disposition, were on all proper occasions conspicuous, and his modest humility gave a loveliness to his other virtues. Few men had greater temptations offered to pride and vanity ; his natural and acquired abilities, great success, established reputation, and the applauses of the whole coimtry who admired him, were all dangerous flatterers, apt to beguile a man into a fond conceit of liimself ; but his lowliness of mind was proof against these pleasing seducers, nor could they charm him into
MR WILLIABI GUTHIUE. 51
self-sufficiency and esteem, for he had not so learned Christ, and knew that he possessed nothing but what he had freely received.
He excelled in another noble part of religion, as well as human- ity, an affectionate sympathy vnth such as were exposed either to outward afflictions, or the heavier troubles of a disquieted soid ; for such he had always a melting tenderness, and embraced every occasion of succom-ing and relieving them. His own experience filled him with pity for those who were in like circumstances, gave him, in some measure, what his great Master hath always in an incomparably more exalted degree for poor sinners, a fellow-feeling of their infirmities, and enabled, as well as stuTed him up, to com- fort them with the consolations whereby God had refreshed and solaced his o^^ii soul ; and he was ever sending up fervent prayers to the throne of grace in then- behalf.
We have, in the former part of this accoimt of ISIr Guthrie, mentioned several of those eminent ministerial qualifications which he possessed, and made his character as. a minister equal to that which he so justly enjoyed as a man and a Christian.
In his youth he had been a hard student, and this gave him a value for all the branches of learning, and an acquaintance with them. But above all, his favom-ite employment was the study of the Holy Scriptures, which he read often in the original languages ; and out of this divine treasm'e of spiritual knowledge he brought out, as our Saviom* speaks, things new and old, which were of the highest advantage to him when he came to the pulpit. As a thorough acquaintance with the Bible is the l^est way to make a good preacher, so tliis was one mean of that excellency in discom'ses from the pidpit, for which Mr Guthrie was so much celebrated. And, indeed, his sermons had all the advantages which could be given them, by a clear explication of the text, observations and enlargements that were important and suitable to the subject, allu- sions and illustrations adapted to the meanest capacities of his people, and, at the same time, to the dignity of the pulpit, and the honour of religion, Avhich reqviired a very uncommon talent ; and then a lively and aftccting application of the doctrines Avhich ho
52 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
taught, to the consciences of his hearers, with an admirable mix- ture of hght and heat, calculated to instiiict the ignorant, aAvakcn the secure, and enUven the whole soul in the ways of God. And to conclude, sermons so excellent in theu' composm'e were deli- vered with a clear, strong, and well-turned voice, a graceful and vehement action, and eyes flowing with tears, which were eu'cmn- stances of no little advantage.
In prayer to God, ]\ir Guthrie equalled, if not exceeded himself as a preacher. The highest seriousness and fervency, an awe of the great God on his soul, and a lively faith in his fatherly good- ness and care, together with an inward feeling of what he spoke, all remarkably accompanying his addresses to the throne of grace in such a degree, that many who heard him were usually melted into tears of affection, and exceedingly edified.
And to conclude, all his eminent quahties were sanctified by the grace of God, and heightened by an unaffected piety, and delight- ful fellowship with God through Christ, under the shinings of whose covmtenance he habitually lived, and attained to a very un- common degree of spiritual-mindedness, of a heavenly frame and temper, and of joy and peace in believing, whUe he both lived and died in full assurance of faith.
We shall put an end to this imperfect account of the life and character of so eminent a person, by the testunonies of Mr John Livingston, minister at Ancrum, and Mr Matthew Crawford, minister at Eastwood, both his contemporaries, concerning him. The first, in a manuscript account which he ■v^TOte of the ministers of his owai time, hath what follows : — " Mr WiUiam Guthrie, minis- ter at Fenwick, was a man of a most ready gift and plentiful inven- tion, with most apposite comparisons, fit both to Pvwaken and pacify consciences ; straight and stedfast in the public cause of Christ. He was a great light in the West of Scotland. He was much and often troubled with the gravel, whereof he died." In another place, he says, " In his doctrine, ]\Ir William Guthrie was as fidl and free as any man in Scotland had ever been, which, together with the excel- lency of his preaching gift, did so recommend him to the affections
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 53
of people, that tliey tiu'iieJ the cornfield of his glebe to a little town ; every one bnildiug a house for his family upon it, that they might live under the drop of his ministry."
The other, Mr Matthew Crawford, in his MS. History of the Church of Scotland, hath these words : — " Mr William Guthrie Avas a burning and shining light, kept in after many others, by the fcivour of the old Earl of Eglinton, the Chancellor s father-in-law. He converted and confirmed many thousand souls, and was esteemed the greatest practical preacher in Scotland."
IVir Rutherford, in his Letters, hath some passages concerning ISlr Guthrie ; but these being already published, it would be needless to transcribe any thing from them ; nor shall we detain the reader by the character which ]Mr Traill gives of ]Mr Guthrie from his own know- ledge of him, since it may be found with more advantage in the pre- face which that worthy minister prefixed to the edition of his Trea- tise, published at London, 1705, and since reprinted at Edinburgh.
Though few people have been in all respects better qualified to write upon practical subjects, yet the modest and diffident senti- ment which JNIr Gutlu'ie always entertained of himself, deprived the world of the great advantage they w^oidd have reaped from his sermons, and other composures of this nature, had he thought fit to make them pubhc. But, to the no small loss of the Chinch, his excellent treatise. The ChristiatHs great Interest, is the only genuine perfonnance of !Mi' Guthrie which hath seen the light, the publication whereof was owing to another cause, rather than to the inclination of the author, which was plainly enough forced upon this occasion. Some unknown:! person came by a copy of a few imperfect notes of some sermons that Mr Guthrie had preached upon the 55th of Isaiah, with a relation to personal covenanting ; and wdthout the smallest intimation of his design made to him, printed them in a small pampldet of sixty-one pages, 12mo, under this title : — " A clear, attractive, w^arming Beam of Light, from Clmst the Sun of Life, leading to Hunself ; wherein is held forth a clear, sound, and easy way of a Soul's particular closing with God, in the Covenant of Free Grace, to the full ending and clearing all debates thcreancnt.
54 LIFE AND CHAllACTER OF
Printed at Aberdeen, by J. B., 1657." The book indeed Avas anonymous, but INIr Guthi'ie was reputed the author of it by the whole country, and so obhged to take notice of it. He was equally displeased at the vanity of the title, and the gross defects of the Avork itself, Avhicli consisted of some broken notes of his sermons, confusedly huddled together by an injudicious hand ; and when he saAv that it was the only remedy, he felt himself under a necessity, however uneasy to hun, to revicAV his sermons, from AAdiich he soon composed this admirable treatise.
There Avere, indeed, after the Restoration, some sermons of Mr Guthrie upon Ilosea xiii. 9,^ and a fcAv other texts, printed from very imperfect notes taken by a hearer, by some obscm-e person, AA-ho AA%anted to make a little gain. But as those coidd in no just sense be accounted the AA'ork of jSIr Guthrie, being both extremely corrupt and defective, and Avere very injm-ious to his memory, ^Irs GutMe, his AvidoAV, printed an advertisement, and spread it as far as she coidd, to guard the public from being imposed upon by those spurious sermons, Avhich in a great measure put a stop to so unfair a practice ; and should in reason have prcA^ented the disingenuous extracts of some coarse unguarded expressions from them, which are to be met Avith in some prelatical pamplilets, Avhereby they endea- vom" calumniously to expose the Presbyterian interest, from the falsely alleged failures of one of its eminent guides and supporters.
The small treatise, "The Christian's great Interest," the only genuine Avork of Mr Guthrie, hath been blessed by God Avith Avon- derfrJ success in our oaati countiy ; it AA^as published very season- ably, a Mttle before the introduction of Prelacy, at the Restoration ; nor is the conduct of a merciful Pro\ddence to be overlooked in affording so useful a help to multitudes of the people of God, Avhen their Avorthy pastors AA^erc torn from them. Severals have OAved their conversion unto a religious life to the reading of the treatise ;
^ Au edition of Gutlirie's Worlcs, printed at Glasgow in 1771, contains: — 1. T/ie Christian's great Interest; 2. Five Sermons on Particular Occasions; and, 3. A Treatise on litdintj Elders and Deacons. The last is commonlv ascribed to tlic martyr Gullirlc.
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 55
and many thousands have been thereby mightily edified and built up in the most holy faith.
Nor hath it less regard paid it abroad ; in England its author and itself were highly esteemed by the greatest and best men there ; and that there coidd not be a greater lionoiu* done it than by the character given thereof by Dr Owen, will appear to all who are acquainted with the incomparable learning and worth of that excellent scholar and divine ; as we have the story from a reverend minister of this Chm'ch, yet alive, who had the doctor's sentiments from his 0"\\'n mouth. One day in conversation with him, the doctor, speaking of Scotland, said to our informer, " You have truly men of great spirits in Scotland ; there is, for a gentleman, Mr Baillie of Jerviswood, a person of the greatest abilities I ever almost met with. And for divines," said he, pidling out of his pocket a little gilded copy of this treatise of Mr Guthrie's, " that author I take to have been one of the greatest divines that ever Avrote ; it is my Vade-mecum, and I carry it, and the Sedan New Testament, still about with me. I have written several folios, but there is more divinity in it than in them all." Though the great modesty of this admirable divine made him give a very unequal character of his own excellent performances ; yet this does not hin- der such an account of INIr Guthi-ie's book, given by so mastelry a judge, from being as much for its reputation as any thing of that nature can be.
Nor was the usefulness of this pious treatise confined either to the author's owm country or language. Foreigners also valued it, translated it, and were eminently profited thereby. It was trans- lated into Low Dutch by the reverend and pious ]Mr Koelman, and was highly esteemed in Holland, so that Mrs Guthrie and one of her daughters met with uncommon civilities and kindness when their relation to its author was knoA^Ti. It is also translated into French and High Dutch ; and we are informed that it was also translated into one of the Eastern tongues, at the charges of that noble pattern of religion, learning, and charity, the Honourable Robert Boyle.
56 LIFE AND CHAKACTER OF
AN ACCOUNT OF THE REV. WILLIAM GUTHRIE, FROM WODROW'S HISTORY OF THE SUFFERINGS OF THE CILURCH OF SCOTLAND.
]Mr William Guthrie, minister at Fenwick, in the shire of Ayr, used the greatest of freedom and sincerity in his sermons at tliis time.' I am too nearly concerned in this great man to say much about him,^ and therefore choose to give this in the words of a worthy minister, his contemporary, in his character of liim. " In his doctrine, !Mr William Guthrie was as fidl and free as any man in Scotland had ever been ; which, together with the excellency of his preaching gift, did so recommend liim to the affections of peojale, that they turned the cornfield of liis glebe to a little to"\^^i, every one building a house for his family upon it, that they might live under the drop of his ordinances and ministry." Indeed, the Lord gave him an opportunity to bear a longer testimony against the defections of this time than most of his brethren ; till at length the malice of the Archbishop of Glasgow turned him out in the year 1G64, as we may hear.
CONGREGATIONAL FASTS KEPT.
A good many ministei's kept congregational fasts, and that was all almost they could do, since now there was scarce any opportu- nities of presbyterial or synodical appointments of this nature ; and in some places, where there were disaffected persons to delate them, ministers suffered not a little for this practice, and the plain- ness of their doctrine. ********
The other instance I promised, as to the sufferings of old minis- ters this year,^ is that of the reverend and singidarly useful ^Ir William Guthrie, minister of the gospel at Femvick. This ex- traordinary person I have particidar opportunities to have certain
1 1061.
- AVodrow was married to INIargarct 'AA'arncr, daughter of Rev. Patrick Wi\v- ner, of Irvine, wlio bad married a daughter of Gutlirie. » 1GG4.
MR WILLIAM GUTHKIE. 57
and distinct accounts of. I heartily wish some proper hand would give the public a just narrative of this great man's Hfe, which might, I persuade myself, be very useful. The broken liints we have, before the last edition of his excellent " Saving Interest," at London, 1705, are lame and indistinct, and were written without the knowledge of his remaining relations, who could have given more just and larger accounts. I shall therefore here give the more par- ticular history of his sufferings at the time, and his being forced to part with his dear flock.
HE CONTINUES LONGER AT HIS WORK THAN MANY OTHERS.
By the interest of several noblemen and others, to whom Mr Guthrie was very dear, he enjoyed a connivance, and was over- looked for a considerable time, when he continued at his Master's work, though in his sermons he was more than ordinarily free and plain.
WHEN BISHOP BURNET C03IES TO GLASGOW, HE AND SOME OTHER MINISTERS ARE ATTACKED.
But soon after Dr Alexander Burnet was brought from the see of Aberdeen to that of Glasgow, he and the few remaining minis- ters about him were attacked ; such as, Mr Livingstone at Biggar, :Mr :M'Kail at Bothwell, Mr Gabriel :Maxwell at Dundonald, Mr Gabriel Cunningham at Dunlop, and Mr Andrew Hutcheson, and ]Mr WiUiani Castlelaw, ministers at Stewarton ; and perhaps the Chancellor's death about this time helped to pave the way for the greater severity against these worthy persons.
NOTHING PREVAILS WITH THE ARCHBISHOP TO SPARE MR GUTHRIE.
The Archbishop had been addressed by some of the greatest in the kingdom in behalf of Mr Guthrie, and treated them very indis- creetly. By no importunity would he suffer himself to be pre- vailed upon to spare him any longer. When means and interces- sions could not prevail, Mr Guthrie was warned of the Archbishop's
58 LIFE AND CHARACTER OP
design against him, and advised by persons of note, his friends, to suffer no resistance to be made to his dispossession of the church and manse ; since his enemies wanted only this for a handle to pro- secute him criminally for his zeal and faithfidness in the former times : such was their spite against this useful man of God.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 20tH, KEPT AS A CONGREGATIONAL FAST WITH HIS PEOPLE.
Under the prospect of jiarting with his beloved people, Wednes- day the 20th of July this year was set apart by him for fasting and prayer vnih his congregation. The text he preached from was, Hosea xiii. 9, " O Israel ! thou hast destroyed thyself." His sermon was afterwards printed very unfairly and indistinctly, from an uncorrect copy. From that Scripture, with great plainness and affection, he laid before them their sins, and those of the land, and of that age ; and, indeed, the place was a Bochim.
HE PREACHES NEXT LORD'S DAY, EARLY IN THE MORNING, AND TAKES LEAVE OF HIS PEOPLE.
At the close of that day's works, he gave intimation of sermon upon the next Lord's Day very early, and his o^^^l people and many others met him at the church of Fenwick betwixt four and five in the morning, where he preached twice to them from the close of his last text, " But in me is thine help." And as he used upon ordinary Sabbaths, he had two sermons and a short interval betwixt them, and dismissed the people before nine in the morning. Upon this melancholy occasion he dii'ccted them unto the great Fountain of help, when the gospel and ministers were taken from them ; and took his leave of them, commending them to this great God, who was able to build them up, and help them in the time of their need.
NO VIOLENCE USED AGAINST THE PARTY WHO CAME TO DISPOSSESS
HIM.
Ilis people would willingly have sacrificed all that was dear to
ME WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 59
them, ill defence of the gospel, and adhermg to hhii. Indeed, !Mr Gutlme had some difficidty to get then* affection to him so far moderated as to keep them from violent proceedings against the party who came to dispossess him ; they would have effectually prevented the church its being declared vacant, and were ready to have " resisted even to blood, striving against sin," if they had been permitted. But Mr Guthrie's peaceable disposition, his great re- gard to lawful civil authority, which his prudent foresight of the consequences of such a procedure, both as to the interests of the gospel, his people, and himself, made him lay himself out, and use the interests he had in the people, which was very great, to keep the peace ; and there was no disturbance which could be made a handle of by adversaries.
WITH MUCH DIFFICULTY THE AKCHBISHOP GETS ONE TO INTI- MATE HIS SENTENCE AGAINST MR GUTHRIE.
When the Archbishop of Glasgow resolved upon dispossessing him, he dealt vnih several of his curates, to intimate his sentence against Mr Guthrie, and as many refused it. There w^as an awe upon then- spii'its, which scared them from meddling ^nth this great man ; besides, they very Avell knew it was an action would render them for ever odious to the West country, and they feared the con- sequences. At last he prevailed with one who w^as cm-ate of Calder, as I am told, and promised him five pounds sterling for his reward : but, poor man ! it was the price of blood, the blood of soids, and neither he nor his had much satisfaction in it.
THE CURATE OF CALDER INTIMATES IT, JULY 24, IN THE CHURCH
OF FENWICK.
Upon the 24th of Jidy, this man came with a party of twelve soldiers to Fenwick church on the Lord's Day, and by commission from the archbishop, discharged Mv Guthrie to preach anymore at FenAvick, declared the church vacant, and suspended him from the exercise of his ministry.
60 LIFE AND CHARACTER OF
AND TO HIMSELF IN THE MANSE.
The commanders of the party and the curate, leaving the sokllers without, came into the manse, or minister's house. The best ac- count I can at this distance give of what passed in the house, is by inserting a short minute of this, left amongst the small remains of a A'aluablc collection of papers belonging to Mr Guthrie; which were taken away, as we shall afterwards hear, some years after this, by violence, and against all the rules of equity, from his Avidow, and fell into the hands of the bishop. The paper was drawn up at the time to keep up the remembrance of this affau', without any design of it being published, and I give it in its owai native and plain dress.
THE SUM OF THE CURATE's DISCOURSE WHEN HE CAME AND INTI- MATED MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE HIS SENTENCE OF SUSPENSION, AVITH MR GUTHRIE'S ANSWER TO HIM.
AN ACCOUNT OF WHAT PASSED IN THE MANSE.
" The curate showed, that the bishop and committee, after much lenity shown to him for a long time, were constrained to pass the sentence of suspension against him for not keeping of presbyteries and synods with his brethren, and his unpeaccableness in the Church ; of which sentence he was appointed to make public inti- mation to him, for which he read his commission under tl\e Arch- bishop of Glasgow his hand."
Mr Guthrie answered, " I judge it not convenient to say much in answer to what you have spoken : only, whereas you allege there hath been much lenity used towards me, be it known unto you that I take the Lord for party in that, and thank him for it ; yea, I look upon it as a door which God opened to me for preaching this gospel, which neither you nor any man else was able to shut, tiU it was given you of God. And as to that sentence passed against me, I declare before those gentlemen (the officers of the party) that I lay no weight upon it, as it comes from you, or those who sent you ;
MR WILLIAM GUTHEIE. Gl
though I do respect the civil authority, who by their law laid the ground for this sentence ; and were it not for the reverence I oavc to the civil magistrate, I Avould not surcease from the exercise of my ministry for aU that sentence. And as to the crimes I am charged with, I did keep presbyteries and synods with my brethren ; but I do not judge those who now sit in these to be my brethren, but men who have made defection from the truth and cause of God ; nor do I judge those to be free or lawful courts of Christ that are now sitting. And as to my unpeaceableness, I know I am bidden follow peace with all men, but I know also I am bidden follow it Avith holiness ; and since I could not obtain peace without prejudice to holiness, I thought myself obMged to let it go. And as for your commission, sir, to intimate this sentence, I here declare I think myself called by the Lord to the Avork of the ministry, and did for- sake my nearest relations in the world, and give up myself to the service of the gospel in this place, having received an unanimous caU from this parish, and being tried and ordained by the presby- tery : and I bless the Lord he hath given me some success, and a seal of my ministry upon the soids and consciences of not a few that are gone to heaven, and of some that are yet in the AA'ay to it. And now, sir, if you AviU take it upon you to interrupt my work among this people, as I shall wish the Lord may forgive you the guilt of it, so I cannot but leave aU the bad consequences that fol- low upon it, betAvixt God and your OAAm conscience. And here I do further declare before these gentlemen, that I am suspended from my ministry for adhering to the covenants and AA^ork of God, from which you and others have apostatized." '
Here the curate interrupting him, said, " That the Lord had a Avork before that covenant had a being, and that he judged them apostates who adhered to that covenant ; and that he Avished that not only the Lord Avould forgive him, (Mr Guthrie,) but, if it Avere laAA^fid to pray for the dead, (at Avhich expression the soldiers did laugh,) that the Lord Avould forgive the sin of this Church these hundred years past."
"It is true," ansAvered Mr Guthrie, "the Lord had a Avork before
62 LIFE AND CnARACTER OF
that covenant liad a being ; bnt it is as true that it hath been more glorious since that covenant, and it is a small thing for us to be judged of you in adhering to that covenant, who have so deeply corrupted your ways, and seem to reflect on the whole work of re- formation from Popery these hundred years past, by intimating that the Church had need of pardon for the same.
" As for you, gentlemen," added he, directing hmiself to the sol- diers, " I wish the Lord may pardon you for countenancing of this man in this business." One of them scoffingly replied, " I -mslx we never do a greater fault." " Well," said Mr Guthrie, "a little sin may damn a man's soid."
MR GUTHRIE'S CIVILITIES TO THE SOLDIERS.
When this had passed, IVIr Guthrie called for a glass of ale, and craving a blessing himself, drank to the commander of the soldiers, and after they had been civilly entertained by him, they left the house. I have it confidently reported, that Mx Giithrie at parting did signify to the curate, that he apprehended some evident mark of the Lord's displeasure was abiding him, for what he was now a- doing, and seriously warned him to prepare for some stroke a-com- ing upon him very soon.
THE CURATE DIED A LITTLE AFTER.
Mr Guthrie's relations, and a worthy old minister yet alive ^\■hen I AATite this, who was that day at Fenwick with him, from Avhom I have part of this account, do not mind to have heard any thing of this denunciation ; but it might have been without their hearing, since none of them were present at parting. Whatever be in this, I am well assured the curate never preached more after he left Fenwick. He came into Glasgow, and whether he reached Calder, but four miles from it, I know not ; but in a few days he died in great torment of an Iliac passion, and his wife and children died all in a year, or thereby ; and none belonging to him were left. So hazardous a thino; it is to meddle witli Christ's sent servants.
MR WILLIAJVI GUTHRIE. 63
THE KIRK DECLARED VACANT.
When they left the manse, the curate went into the church of Fenwick with the soldiers his guard, and now his hearers, and preached to them not a quarter of an hour, and intimated from the pulpit the bishop's sentence against Mr Guthrie. Nobody came to hear him, but the party who came with him, and a few children and boys, who created him some disturbance, but were chased off by the soldiers.
MR GUTHRIE CONTINUES IN THE PARISH TILL OCTOBER 1665, WHEN HE DIED IN ANGUS.
Mr Guthrie continued in the parish, but preached no more in the church, where, as far as I can learn, there was no curate ever set- tled. Upon the 10th of October next year, this exceUent person died in Angus, whither he went to settle some aifairs relating to his estate of Pitforthy there. Thus, by the malice of the prelates, this bright and eminent light of the West of Scotland was put under a bushel, yea extinguished.
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE DIES, OCTOBER 10.
By this time many of the old Presbyterian ministers, who had seen the glory of the former temple, were got to their rest. The 10th day of October this year brouglit the Eeverend ]\Ir William Guthrie to his Father's house. I shall only add the remark made upon his lamented death, by the worthy minister his contemporary, whom I cited before, when I spoke of him : " This year the Presby- tei-ians in Scotland lost one of their piUars, JNIr WiUiam Guthrie, minister of the gospel at Fenwick, one of the most eloquent, suc- cessful, popular preachers, that ever was in Scotland. He died a sufferer, for he was deposed by the bishop, but in hopes that one day the Lord would deliver Scotland from her thraldom." Many others of the old ministers of this Church died about this time in peace, being taken away from the evil to come, Avhich was fast coming on in great measures, and departed under the solid and firm hope of a glorious deliverance coming to this poor Churcli.
64 LIFE AND CnARACTER OF
SOME ACCOUNT OF MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE, BY REV. ROBERT TRAILL.
]\Ir William Gutlirie Avas the eldest son of a coimtiy gentleman, in the shu-e of Angus in Scotland, of a good family, and of a com- petent estate. After he had past his course of pliilosophy at the University of St Andrews, he went to the New College there, where theology and Hebrew are taught by several professors. And it was then no rare thing for young gentlemen that had no design of engaging themselves in any of the three learned professions of law, physic, or divinity, to spend some tune at that College. Then, and there, it pleased the Lord, who had separated him from his mother's womb, to call him by his grace, by the ministry of excel- lent Mr Samuel Rutherford, and this young gentleman became one of the first-fruits of his ministry at St Andi^ews. His conversion was begun ^vith great terrors of God on his soul, and was completed with that joy and peace in believing that did accompany him through his life. Upon this blessed change A\TOuglit in hun, he did immediately resolve to obey the call of God, to serve him in the ministry of the gospel, which Avas given him with the Lord's calling him eiFectually to grace and glory. And he did for this end so dis- pose of his outward estate (of which he was born heir) as not to be entangled with the affairs of this life. After some time spent in study, he was called to preach, and quickly after was settled in a congregation in the West of Scotland, and did shine in that place, till a few months before his death, that he Avas driven aAvay by per- secution, in 1665. Li this place he laboured with great diligence, and with no less success, as hmiself oAnied to the Lord's praise, when he said that there Avas hardly any under his charge but Avcre brought to make a fair profession of godhness, and had the AA'orship of God in then- ftunilies. And it Avas well knoAvn, that many of them Avere sincere, and not a fcAv of them eminent Christians. The loA'C he had to his people made him stiffly refuse all calls and invitations to GlasgoAv or Edinburgh, or Stirling, (Avliere his oavu
MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE. 65
cousin, grave Mr James Guthrie, was minister, afterwards Christ's faithful martyr, whom I saw die in and for the Lord, at Edinburgh, June 1st, 16G1,) and pleaded much in a General Assembly, that he might have his ministry in that city, which was malignant and profane at that time. But all to no purpose ; in this place, though an obscm*e one, but by his ministry, he spent all his few days. I have heard several judicious ministers and Christians observe this of him, that whereas many worthy ministers have outlived their zeal, the vigour of their gifts, and their acceptance with the godly, this blessed man rather increased in all these to the last.
His stature was tall and slender, his aspect grave. His natural temper was cheerful, witty, and facetious, yet tempered with gravity becoming a minister of Christ. I have seen somewhat of this rare mixture in him myself, and have heard from many who have had a great intimacy with him, that they have admired this in liim, that immediately after his recreations, and singular sallies of wit and in- nocent mu-th, when called to pray, he would speak to God with that holy awe, and faith, and love, and life, as if he had come down from the mount.
His gifts were great, strong natural parts, a clear head, and a sound heart. His voice was of the best sort ; loud and yet managed with charming cadencies and elevations. His oratory singular, and by it he was master of the passions of his hearers. His action in preaching was more than ordinary ; yet was it all decent and taking in him. I have oft thought him in this the likest to the famous Mr John Rogers of Dedham in Essex, by the character I had of him by many ; and especially from his kinsman. Mi" William Jenkin, who died Christ's prisoner in Newgate, 1684.
In preaching, praying, dealing with distressed consciences, and in pleading for the cause of God in the assemblies of ministers, he was eminent, and generally so esteemed in his day, which I do well remember.
I have heard many passages of God's presence with him, and of his blessing of his labours, which I forbear to mention ; both because it is unfit to give a long preface to a short book, and because I am VOL. II. E
6Q LIFE AND CHARACTER OF MR WILLIAM GUTHRIE.
not without hope, that some will think it fit to make this great man better known.
The main humbling thing that attended him (next to the apos- tacy in the land, and cruel persecution of the Church of Christ in it) was a crazy body, afflicted much with the stone, and at last with an ulcer in his kidneys, which brought him to his grave, in 1665, when he had lived little above forty-two years.'
This was the man that the rulers in Scotland could not then bear. But though the love and esteem that most of the neighbouring no- biHty and gentry bare to him did prevail, for a year or two, to pre- serve him in his place, after many of his brethren were cast out ; yet at length, a party of the king's guards was sent to turn him out, and to put a stranger in his place. Unto M^hich violence he gave way ; and went on a visit to his friends, where he was quickly seized with a fit of his distemper, and died in 1665, in Angus. I have oft seen him, conversed wath him, and have heard him preach; and if my youth then did make me an unfit judge of his real great worth, yet his name was so famous, his ministry so followed, espe- cially in his last two or three years, by many ejected ministers, and so many desolate congregations, (and both were midtipUed in fatal 1662,) that I do but declare what was then the common sense of thousands in Scotland, that Mr Gutln-ie was every way an eminent gospel minister. I had also a special advantage for knowing the spirit of this great man. My o^vn honoured father and he kept for many years a constant weekly correspondence by letters ; many of which from ^Ir Guthrie to my father I did peruse, and several of them I have still by me, ^^Tote by his own hand.
, ^ Dunlop says he died in his forty-fifth year.
SERMON ON SYMPATHIE
REV. WILLIAM GUTHRIE,
MINISTER AT FENAVICK.
NOTE.
The following Sermon by William Guthrie is printed from vol. xxxi. of the Wodrow MSS. in 8vo, in the Library of the Faculty of Advocates. It is marked as his by Wodrow, in the Index to that volume, and is now printed as in some degree supplementary to the information conveyed in the Memoir by Dunlop, and the additional matter by Wodrow and Traill.
??^; ti t,i.ti±ii.±i±iilil±±ili±iMi±lll± *,±.tJ.A±.l±.t^„tJ.^SS
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
Matth. XV. 23. — " Send her away, for she cryeih after us."
E heard a part of the entertainment this poor woman got in her address to Christ,^ — he answered her not a word ; a small encouragement, and certainly she might expect the less of all the company since his heart seems to be from her. Our Lord Jesus Christ will sometimes give cold entertainment to the importunate desires of his people, even when he intends to give them a gracious answer at length.
In the words ye have the next part of the entertainment she met with at the hands of the disciples ; they seemed to bear some burden with her, but they come not up in then* sympatliie ; all their sym- pathie is this, Send her away, for she cryeth after us : they entreated him either to give her ane alms or ane answer, and let her be going ; they ought to have born burden with her in her affliction, but this is all. Give her something, or let her go, for readily they thought with themselves it would be their prejudice if she should cry on, for Chi'ist resolved to be quiet in this place, and they ran a risk and hazard if she by her crying should discover them. There was also a desii'e of ease in them ; they dought not abide to be troubled or fashed with any thing, and it seems she, by her crying, taigled them in ' Referring to some former discourse.
70 A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
their marcli, and they did not remember that such errands as she had was the main work they should Avait on. Such reasons as these, apj^rehension of hazard and love of ease, always militate against symjiathie, and marr it exceedingly.
1. That they press Christ to send her away — observe, that the people of God are many times but cold and weak sympathizers with others in trouble, when the trouble is not at theii" own door. Of whom coidd sympathie have been expected if not from the disciples, who were the best folk in the world ? And yet so little burden do they bear with this poor woman, that they bid Christ send her away, as one that troubled them. They were slain indeed vnth her crying : little remembered they that the devil was troubling her daughter, or regarded her fra^ they were heal of litli and limb them- selves. So it was, (Matth. xx. 31,) when two blind men cryed on Christ, the multitude rebuked them, and bade them hold their peace.
In following out this doctrine, first, I shall show what true and kindly sympathie with suffering folks is. 2dly, What be these things that obliges to this dutie of sympathie. odly. What be the grounds or reasons why many a time the people of God sympatliise so little with others of his people, that are under suffering : for other things more inconsiderable, we may take them in the use.
1 st, What is this we call sympathie ?
Sympathie is a fellow-feeling, or burden-bearing with others in their trouble, or as the word signifies, it is a consuffering with them that suffer, and it is a thing best knoAvn by the effects hinted at here and there in Scripture, some few whereof we shall shortly point at.
1st, Wherever sympathie is with others in their affliction, there will be a remembering, a keeping in mind, and not a forgeting of their trouble and affliction, a keeping of it in folks' thoughts ; if I be a sympathizer, I must be a consufferer: this far the people of God under the captivity of Babylon express their sympathie, (Psal. cxxxvii. 5,) "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget
^ Provided that.
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE, 71
her cunning;" let me never play a right chop all my dayes ; and It's commanded, (Heb. xiii. 3,) "Kemember them that are in bonds, as bound with them ;" have mind of their condition ; but it's better ex- prest then either in the command or practise of the saints, in our Lord Jesus his own practise, (Isa. xlix. 15,) "A woman may forget her sucking child, but I will not forget thee ; thou art engraven upon the palms of my hands, thy walls are continually before me." That is the kindliest sympathie that is in God's heart.
2dly, True sympathie, as it does not forget the trouble of others of God's people, so the remembrance of it will make void many of our contentments and enjoyments, and proves a moth in them, in so far as they are not extended to the full rate ; that is true sym- pathie which abridges even our lawfull liberties, and forbids the puting of them to the fuU rate or use that we might take of them at ane other time : So it was with the Lord's people, (Psal. cxxxvii. 5.) They would not play ; they douglit not play as formerly, there was a sympatliie at their heart : and Amos vi. 3-6, it's charged on that people that they lay on beds of ivory, eat the lambs, chanted to the viol, invented instruments of musick, drank their wine in bowls, and were not grieved for the affliction of Joseph. They might eat the fat and drink the sweet, but it was another case now when the Church was in trouble ; sympathie forbade them the full rate of libertie in their enjoyments they might have made use of at another time. They are not kindly sympathizers with Zion in af- fliction, that extend their liberties to a full rate, are as joyfidl, rant- ing and roveing, singing and playing, as if all things were going w^ell. Wo to them that are at ease this way, there is no sympathie there.
3dly, Sympathie hath in it a grieving, a being pained, as if the sorrow of others were our own ; and this better answers the word then any other, and the want of this is it which is desiderat, (Amos vi. 6,) " They are not grieved for the affliction of Josepli," and it's that that is commanded, (Heb. xiii. 3,) "Remember them that are in bonds, as being bound with them." If ye were in prisons as they are, if ye had the irons knit to your heels as they have, ye
72
A SERMON ON SYMrATHIE.
would have pain and labour ; yea, so to be affected with tlieir con- dition; and (Isa. Ixiii. 9) it is best exprest by the Lord himself, " in all tlieir afflictions he was afflicted." It's true he is not in pain as we are, but he really resents our wrongs, and sympathises with us in our trouble.
4thly, Sympathie hath in it serious prayer to God, for hasteing the delivery of them that are in trouble. That was it that might have been expected of the disciples ; that they might have used their prayer with Christ for help to the poor woman : and Psal. cii. is intituled a prayer for the afflicted when he is overwhelmed, and poureth out his complent befor the Lord ; and yet ye will find a great lift of Zion's case taken on here. Sympathie calls to wrestle with God for these in affliction, when we can do no more. That was kindly sympathie in Christ called " the man among the mulle trees," (Zech. i. 12,) while he cried, " O Lord of hosts, how long wilt thou not have mercie upon Jenisalem and on the cities of Ju- dah, against which thou hast had indignation these threescore and ten years ?" Kindly sympathie makes him kindly intei'pose.
5thly, Sympathie hath with it a readiness not only to interpose by prayer, but also anie other way, that God shall call to, and which may contribute for the helj) and relief of the partie troubled, (Cant. viii. 8,) " What shall we do for our sister in the day that she shall be sjioken for ?'' Sympathie carries ay alongst with it, What shall we do for the people of God in affliction ? a readiness to do any thing lawfull, which may contribute for their freedom. And it is but a scorn for them to speak of sympathie that is not ready to caith ' it in doing. A tender sympathiseing heart hath a liberal and ready hand; that was a token of sympathie in Esther, chap. iv. 16, "I will go in to the king, tho' it be contrary to the law : and if I perish, I perish." I Avill hazard my neck for the people of God in trouble : betide my life, betide my dead, I will ventm-e for them in this their strait.
Gtlily, Sympathie hath with it a true sadness of comitenance, flowing from inward sadness of heart, because no occasion docs ofl'cr
^ llcalizc, embody.
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE. 73
it self that does promise relief to the partie afflicted, aud that ay and wliile God offer some outgate for this. In Neh. chap. ii. 2, compared with chap. i. 4, while he stood befor the king, his sadness and sorrow of heart shew it self in his countenance, and the king said, " Why is thy countenance so sad, seeing thou art not sick?" He answered, " Why should I not be sad, when the place of my fathers' sepidchers lys Avaste ?" because those kings used to think most of their fathers' sepulchers ; but the great cause was the report that was brought unto him of the great affliction wherein God's people were; there was such grief for that at his heart, that his countenance shew it came from the bone : sympathie casts the sympathizer in the mould wherein the afflicted partie is.
To apply this, 1. In what cases is sympathie a dutie ? I answer, sympathie is not a dutie in every case, and to every partie or per- son ; for, ] . We are not called to sympathise with the devils, they are not to be pitied ; neither, 2. Are we to sympathise with the des- perat enemies of God, when the vengeance of God lights on them, tho' there be that much naturalty in us to pity both, yet we will get no thanks for it frae God : for it's both a promise and a prophesie, that the righteous shall rejoyce when he sees the vengence, and shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked, (Psal. Iviii. 10.)
In what cases then is sympathie a dutie ? I answer, it is a duty in these cases, 1. When multitudes of people are perishing for want of the knowledge of God — that's a kindly case of sympathie. (Rom. ix. 2.) When the Je^vs were perishing, and would not receive the gospel, sympathie rose in the apostle Paul to as great a height as ever it was in a sinful man, which made him say, " I have continual sorrow and heaviness in my heart, and could wish I were accursed for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh." So we may see it in Christ, when the people were standing v/hite befor him, and there were none to stryken and cutt down the harvest, (Matth. ix. 36, 37 ;) wherefore it's said, "He had compassion on them, be- cause they fainted as sheep without a shepherd." 2. Another case is, the personal sufferings of God's people, either inAvard in soul cxcr- cire, or outward and bodily trouble on their person, name, goods, or
74 A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
interests; wherefor, (Job ii. 11,) "When Job's three friends heard of the eviU that was come upon liim, they made ane appointment, and came together to murn with him, and to comfort him." 3dly, A third, and the great case is, the sufferings of the Chm'ch of God. When it fairs ill with Zion, that's the case in all the world that we are most oblidged to sympathise in, and in which the saints have ever been most in sympathiseing ; and these being the cases wherein we are called to sympathise, if ye consider them, ye will find this is the season, if any of these cases call for sympathie, much more when they all concurr in our condition, as after we may hear.
But, 2dly, Ye would know that there are degrees of sympathie according as the case requires ; some cases require more sympathie, some cases require less sympathie, and sometimes the saints have engrossed one degree of it, sometimes another ; but when all the three cases runs together, and when they are together in such a height, sympathie in all the steps we named befor is called for, and to want sympathie at such a tune, and in such a concurrence of cases, speaks out a bad condition.
And, 3dly, You would know that every time is not fitt for all expressions of sympathie, for to vent sympathie in all its eifects ; sympathie hath its own times and places for the expressions of it ; as for instance, sympathie requires that I should look sad from a heart inwardly affected, but when I meet with a profain ]o\ati that's blaith ^ to hear of the trouble of God's people, it were a sin to look sad and not my duty, for in so doing, I should make his heart glad which God would have made sad ; and, therefor, at such a time, I am to evidence that I believe that God is the light of the counte- nance of his people, and to bod well, and to look out blyth ; for as sympathie hath its degrees and measures as the case calls for, and every case calls me not to be dead to my injoyments, so Avisdora is to dwell with prudence, and order sympathie in the expressions and venting of it.
The second thing I proposed to be spoken to is. What be these bonds that do oblidge and ty us to this sympathie, as the case
1 Glad.
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE. 75
requires? 1. There is the command of God, (Rom. xii. 15,) "Re- joyce with them that do rejoyce, and weep with them that weep." (Heb. xiii. 3,) " Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them;" that's ane obhgation lying on all. 2dly, There is a like- ness to God as in other things, so in this, which Ave are bound to study — God hath much sympathie. In all his people's afflictions he is afflicted, (Isa. Lxiii. 9.) His soul was grieved for the miserie of Israel, (Judges x. 16 ;) he pities the righteous and the un- righteous, and we are bound to study to be like him in that. 3dly, The communion of saints is a great tye and obligation ; we have all one common profession, interest, stockpm^se ; we sail all in one bot- tom, we have aU one head and husband, all are members of one body, and may not all these amount to ane obligation to sympathie ? 4tlily, There is the expectation of help in our own trouble that soud engadge us : if Ave do not sympathize Avith others in their trouble, how can we expect that others shall sympathise Avith us in om^s ? for Avith the same measure Ave mett to others, it shall be mea- sured to us again.
The third thing I proposed Avas this. Why are the people of God so litle in this deutie of sympathie ? what can be the reasons of it? I answer, 1. Self-love is one of the greatest causes of it. Self-love makes folk forget all other bodies' trouble if it be Avell Avith themselves. The disciples were at this time well themselves, and had neither sore limb nor lith, and forgot the poor woman and the trouble her daughter was under, and this Avas it that made them say, " It is good for us to be here : let us build tabernacles ; " and they had no mind of the poor folk that were doun in the valey, nor of the Avorld about, that Avere dying in ignorance. Readily ye will find that there is litle sympathie AAdiere there is much self-love ; and Avhere there is much self-denyal there is much sympathie. 2. Another cause is, litle love to Christ : for except avc take the people as bearing his image, and on that groimd Ioa'C them, Ave Avill not sympathise vdth. them; and Avhere there is no loA^e to Christ there is no sympathie. A third cause is, folks even forget Avhat they have been, and AA'hat they may be, and that hinders S3'mpa-
76 A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
thie ; hence is that exhortation, (lieb. xiii. 3,) " Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with thera ; and them that arc in adver- sity, as being yourselves in the body;" as if he said, sympathise wath others in their trouble, for ye wot not what may overtake yourselves ere all the play be played : ye would remember what ye have been, and may be, and do as ye would be done to ; othermse, forgetting of that will marr your sympathie. A fourth cause is this, The Lord suffers it to be so, that the vast difference that is betwixt the large heart of Christ in sympathie, and the narroAV parts of his people, may appear, and be the more conspicuous ; he is much afflicted in aU the afflictions of his people, when we are litle afflicted in all their afflictions ; therefor is there so litle sympathie among us.
Use 1. From what hath been said, know that this is the true sea- son and time of your sympathie. How so ? Because (as we hinted before) all the three cases wherein sympathie is called for, concurs in our present condition. 1. The world is like to be drouned in the ignorance of God ; not only those parts of the world where the light never was, but many parts where it was have darkness instead of divination. 2. Many of the precious people of God are under personal sufferings. 3. The precious interests of Christ are trampled and trode upon, and the Church of God at a great loss in all her priviledges and injoyments ; and if this be our case, then certainly God calleth for sympathie ; and, therefore, a word or two to great or smal, gentle and semple, rich and poor, young and old of you, that are not about this dutie, are not plying sympathie with the Church, and suffering people of God : whoever ye be, ye have more nor reason to doubt whether ye are of the body whereof Christ is the head ; and here I make another use of that place, Heb. xiii. 3, " Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them ; and these that are in adversitie, as being yourselves in the body ; " mind this duty of sympathie, else it's ane argument ye are not in the body, as the minding of it is ane argiunent ye are of the body. If ye mind it not, ye have a great olycction against your interest in Christ, and your being members of his body. I confers there are
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE. 77
degrees of eympathie, and one may have it in one degree and not in another ; but if ye be not pointing, studying, and bending to be at it, ye whose exercise it is not to be at sympathie, ye have more nor reason to suspect that ye are not of the body. 2. Ye that are not about this duty, ye have more nor reason to expect some sad stroak from the hand of God, that sayes this much to you, that je shall go captive with the first of them that go into captivitie, as it is threatned against them that were at ease in Zion, and remem- bered not the affliction of Joseph, (Amos vi. 7.) Ye that will rant and rove, drink and be merry, laugh and mock, and take your sport and pleasure, as if nothing but halchion dayes were to be expected, ye have reason to fear some heavie stroakes. 3. Whenever the stroak comes, resolve to bear it your alone ; none shall be to bear it with yow. God hath said it, " What measvire yow met to others, it shall be measured to yow again ;" because ye sympathized not with others, none shall be to sympathize with yow ; ye shall ly under your bmxlen alone, and never body shall be to help yow.
Use 2. It serves to sett all of yow on work to try yourselves whether or not ye have this sympathie. How shall ye know ? Ye will kiiow it by what I have spoken of sympathie and the effects of it. 1. Do ye mind the sufferings God's work and people are under ? Yes, that ye do ; but it's only when ye spear news. Alace ! that is no true token of sympathie. If the chain that is on others were hanging about your neck, ye would mind it oftner, and in another manner. 2. How do ye use your liberties and injoyments ? Can ye now use them at the full rate ? Can ye rant, and dance, and sing, and play as cheerfully? Can ye eat and drink as liberally? Can ye swagger it out in yoiu- apparel and other things as pi'odi- gally, as no distress were upon the Church ? That tells ye are void of sympathie, that the plague of God is lying on yow, and that the woe is at your door. 3dly, Are ye pained and grieved for the afflictions of God's people ? How many are there of yow that dar not, for your souls, say that ever it was your pain and grief all the dool and woe that hath come, or is coming, on the Church and people of God ? Therefor, ye have no sympathie, and the plague
78 A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
of God is upon yow ; and, 4thly, I need not speak of prayer to yow, nor of the fifth efFect, which is being in a readiness to do for tlie releif of the Church and people of God, although ye will be ready to say that ye will be content to ware your person and estate in the cause ; ye he ; ye will never do grace to God's people, nor his work, if ye mend not your manners.
Use 3. Is it so that sympathie is so cold and weak among God's people at this time, when so much of it is called for ? Then I w^ould have yow drawing these three conclusions from it. 1. When any- thing ails yow, pray much for yom'self ; I assure yow ye will get litle help of others. 2. As yow would lippen litle to other folios' prayers, so ye would make meikle use of Christ's intercession. These prayers are litle worth that flow not from sympathie ; and, 3. Reckon all your receipts to be free favour, and neither the retm'n of your own or other folks' prayers. I do not forbid yow to pray yourself, nor to seek the help of other folks' prayers, nor do, I judge yow or them void of sympathie, but I w^oidd have yow lip- pening less to them, and making more use of Christ and liis inter- cession.
Use 4. Is to regrate that in a season of sympathie, when so many things concur to call for it, there should be so litle sympathie ; sure there was never a time called for more sympatliie. And how lamentable is it there shoidd be so litle of it ! And to the end ye may see how far ye are in the "WTong, I shall shortly point at a few things that vnll both clear the grounds of sympathie, and will aggrege ^ this sin of the want of sympathie. 1. They are the best of the people of God, and the best places in all the world, that are suffering, and so are the object of your sympathie. The places that are now suffering were the places in the world where God was most honoured, where he had most precious servants and people, and this day these places are lying desolate and waste, and many oppressed in their consciences, bodies, and estates; the shepherds are smitten, and the flocks scattered. 2. The sufferings of these are sufferings wherein the head suffers ; they are such sufferings as in-
' Aggravate.
A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE. 79
elude the mine and overthrow of his ordinantjes, or interest and kingdom, so that the sufferings that are the object of your sympa- tliie are not personal only, though that would oblidge yow to synipathie, but such as reach also the head, and all his precious interests ; and, therefor, undutiefull are we that have no more fellow-feeling and sympathie. 3. Consider that the sufferings that others are under are such as threaten to be our sufferings, and which will very quickly be at our door ere it be long ; and if we have no sympathie in such a case, do ye imagine that ever ye shall have sympathie in your time ? 4. Consider that for this very end, that we might sympathise with others, God has forborn us ; and is there not reason, then, that we should interpose and sympathise with the suffering saints and people of God ? May I not say as Mordecai said to Esther, " Who knows but thou art come to the kingdom at this time for this very end ?" so who knows but Ave are spared for this very end, that we might interpose and sympathize with others ? 5. Consider that besides all the obligations and tyes that lye upon yow to sympathize wdth others, there is one super- venient tye and obligation, and that is the solemn obligation and oath of God in the Covenant. Did we not swear to the Lord in that Covenant that we should never give om*selves over to a detest- able indifferency and neutrality in the cause, but that the case of one should be the case of all ? And when we think on these things, alace, how deeply are all of us involved in perjury ! They have been headed and hanged that were dear to God, and Ave never troubled our head nor our heart wnth it more than our heel. How many are suffering tliis day in these nations, and how htle does it touch our heart ? God knows if the case of one be the case of all here ; and whether or not this looks like indifferency and neutral- ity. 6. I shall only add this one thing further to provoke us to the study of sympathie : The longer and flu-ther we are from sym- pathie, the nearer we are unto complyance ; and I know we shall all comply ere it be long, and then there vnll be no sympathie at all : for as complyence comes in, sympathie will go out ; yea, as thou complys, thou shall be plagued of God Avitli the want of syni-
80 A SERMON ON SYMPATHIE.
pathie ; and, O ! what a great discouragement is it to the people of God, and how ready to make them dispond under suffering, to find others void of sympathie with them. It was a sore tryall to this poor woman, and a speciall piece of discoiu^gement she met with when the disciples bade send her away; and had not the mightie hand of God supported her she had succumbed under it. And so must it be to others of his people in trouble to know that others in ease lay it not to heart. Therefor, let the consideration of all these things put yow to study more the duty of sympathie with the work and people of God, as ye would have groimd to expect others to sympathize and bear burden with yow in your trouble.
MEMOIRS
REV. JAMES ERASER OF BREA,
MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL AT CULROSS. WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.
VOL. II.
NOTE.
The Life of Fraser of Brea, or Brae, has been several times printed. The present edition has been compared with a MS. copy, the property of David Laing, Esq. ; while the edition from which it is printed is attested as correct by William Stuart, for some time minister at Inver- ness, and thereafter at Kiltearn, in Ross-shire. Fraser, it is said, had bestowed more particular pains on the MS, from which that edition was taken than on other copies, "because of the probability that it would sometime or other be published ;" and this, together with some authentic matter appended to it which does not appear in other edi- tions, seemed to point out the copy now used as the proper basis for the present reprint. The various readings in Mr Laing 's MS. are not such as to require any special notice.
The following Preface to the first edition will best explain the nature of this woi'k ; — "The design of publishing this part of the works of the worthy Author is to do honour to his memory, and to gratify severals, whose savour of piety hath endeared it to them, of whom we might men- tion some of high distinction. If it be asked why it was not published sooner,^ there is no other reason to be given than that it was a loss, and that better now than not at all. By the dedication to Mr Thomas Ross, (a singularly pious minister in the North,) the Author seems to give per- mission to publish it, so that the world may be fully satisfied that the work is genuine, being copied from that written by his own hand, of the truth of which they may rest assured, as can be attested by several ministers still living. The reason why Mr Thomas Ross did not cause publish it probably was, that he was at the time he received it in prison at Tain, and died there in prison, or soon thereafter. Such as had a ten-
' It a)>pearecl In 1738.
84 NOTE.
der regard for the Author, wished that this had been published at the same time with the first part of his Treatise on Faith ; particularly this would help to clear up that, as to some things dark, and not so very obvious, at least till it was thought proper to publish the second part of tliat Treatise. It was, and is the wish of many, that the rest of his Life, particularly after his settlement at Culross, had been got : for surely he wrote diaries during life. But after all the search possible, this could not be found. This now published is, however, very valu- able, and will be so esteemed by the truly serious and judicious, being a very rational account of conversion, as to beginning, progress, and issue, and of the operation of the Spirit of God on the heart ; and such an account of faith as cannot but please those who love it, and may, by the blessing of God, help to engage to it such as hitherto had it not in reality. There is, perhaps, no other performance gives a more distinct account of a supernatural work of grace ; and it is thought not to be unseasonable, at this juncture, for reviving piety and the exercise of grace, and convicting those who make a jest of these serious matters. The first eight chapters, dedicated to Mr Thomas Ross, were allowed by himself to be published. What follows is judged to be of good use, and therefore now published with the rest."
Besides this autobiography, Fraser, as the Preface now quoted indi- cates, was the author of a Treatise " Concerning Justifying or Saving Faith," of which several editions were printed. There is also a small posthumous volume published from his MSS. under the Title, "The Law- fulness and Duty of Separation from corrupt Ministers and Churches." (1744.) His own more explicit title for it was, "An Inquiry into that" so much debated case, whether it be the duty of the Lord's people in Britain and Ireland to hear such as have submitted to the prelatic government, or to join with them in such acts as do belong to their pas- toral office.' But the narrative which follows will best exhibit the at- tainments and suff"erings, the faith, and patience of Fraser.
^gf VC-OCO:&00000-CCOO_i^Oou-jOwi_j^3 c c
DEDICATION BY THE AUTHOR,
Mil THOMAS ROSS,
JUNISTEB AT KINCARDINE IN ROSS.
Reveeend Sir,
^^P HAVE thought the disregarding of the Lord's Provl- 1^ dences to be one common great sin, not only among ' open enemies, but among professed friends of Clu'ist,
o tj o c a Q
Isa. V. 12; Psal. xxviii. 5. All God's ways being wisdom and goodness, are worthy of observation ; but especially those wherewith oiu-selves are exercised (as having most certainty and fuller information of them, and concerning ourselves most) are much to be observed, Pro v. xxiii. 26, and those Providences that concern our spiritual estate most of any, wherein the Lord hath appeared more eminently, Exod. xii. 42. "A night much to be observed unto the Lord." I have in nothing been more re- freshed, quickened, and edified, than by hearing and reading of the spiritual experiences of others of the Lord's people, Heb. xii. 1, and in nothing more comforted and sanctified than by a serious recall- ing to mind of the Lord's dealings with me. Three ways doth the Lord reveal himself; by liis word, by his works of creation, and by his works of providence. And it is man's happiness to know him thus revealed, John xvii. 3. And these are the several glasses
8G DEDICATION.
through which the invisible God is seen, 1 John iv. IG. God doth not reveal himself to any, that this might be kept under a bushel ; for "the manifestation of the Spirit is given to profit AA-ithal." And we find the Lord's people in Scripture to be much in recounting to others their own experiences, and God's dealing with them ; "Come, and I will tell you what the Lord hath done for my soul," Psal. Ixvi. 16. As also, the blessed effect this has had on others ; " For this shall every one that is godly pray unto the Lord, in a time when he may be found," Psal. xxxii. 6. The consideration of this, with the desires of others, and my wilhngness to show my thank- fulness unto the Lord, by an acknoivledgment of these his favours at least, and being some way hopefid that it might profit others, and to provoke those exercised more nobly to manifest the Lord's goodness unto them ; I say, these things have put me out to this work at this time, (O that the Lord would accept it off my hand!) even to record some passages of Divine Providence manifested to- wards me while here in my pilgrimage.
I have dedicated them to you. Sir, because I hold myself much bound unto you ; and some little thing of this nature, whereby I might kyth my gratitude, I thought incumbent on me to do. I looked on you likewise as one who would with more moderation and discretion pass over the faults and weaknesses therein than others, to whom notwithstanding I owe much love. As Hkewise, you was the occasion of my undertaking this work at this time in a more especial way ; and therefore I looked for a more kindly enter- tainment to this child from you, who had such influence in bringing it to the world, than from others. I believe you will not fail my expectation ; make what use you please of it, and either censure, correct or approve, divulge or hide it, as you shall think fit. I wish you profit hereby ; and am in Christ,
Reverend Sir,
Yom' loving Friend,
James Fraser.
THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE.
IP SHALL reduce what I have met ^vith to these eight IS heads ; (1.) What hath been the Lord's carriage to me fe^ before I knew any thing of God, or had so much as the form of religion. (2.) Some steps of God's provi- dence while the Lord was drawing me to himself; or some prepar- ation-work to my conversion, while my heart was not fully changed, but only had some appearance of godliness. (3.) Some things con- cerning my conversion, the time and manner; and what imme- diately followed. (4.) Of the sad and long decay that happened thereafter. (5.) Kelate some things touching my recovery out of that decay. (6.) Some things that happened immediately after this recovery, for the space of four or five years. (7.) Some things relating to my present condition, and some things I have observed in my experience. (8.) Some particular mercies I have met with from the Lord at several occasions.
r o t> o « « tj- o: o o a a 3$ :i„^„^, „
MEMOIRS
REVEREND JAMES ERASER OF BREA,
MINISTEE OF THE GOSPEL AT CULROSS.
CHAPTER I.
TOUCHING SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME FPtOM MY BIRTH TILL I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.
WAS born in the North of Scotland in 1639, July 29th, and was not like to live, but the Lord healed me ; for the evil humours broke out in boils great and numerous, so that I was very wholesome thereafter. My disposition was sullen, and I loved not to be dawted, nor to wear gaudy clothes ; nor had I any wise tales lilce other children, so that I gave no occasion to my parents to repeat them, as parents usually do with fondness. For though my parents were fond enough of their children, yet my temper was so peevish that I was no dawty ; only at school I learned well, though now and then I staid away.
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MEMOIRS OF THE
§ 2. Even at this time I showed plainly that I had a will to do evil : for the seeds of wickedness did spring up, and appeared in many vicious childish tricks. By all which, the necessity of rege- neration was evident, and that by nature we are under the power of sin and Satan. " Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right," (Prov. xx. 11.) And these were all my preparations and dispositions for good.
§ 3. Yet the Lord was doing me good all the while. I overpass common mercies, and mention one that was very remarkable. My mother being obliged to come south, to be out of the way of a cruel enemy who prosecuted her, lived with a relation in a burgh-towai on the coast-side. I was very unruly, and therefore kept under some awe and restraint from wandering abroad when I pleased ; but this increased my desire to ramble the more. At a time I slipped out, unknown to any, to a garden, w^here was a deep well. When once I got out of doors, I ran as hard as ever I could, and, not taking heed where I went, I fell in a by-path, which carried me directly to the well before spoken of, open above, and over- grown with grass, which did hide the water from me : so that ere I knew, I fell over head in the well, the water being very deep, only my hands laid hold on the grass that did grow on the sides of the well. Here I continued for a good space, and would no doubt have drowned, if God had not sent some to my relief: for he that was appointed to wait on me, not knowing whither I went, the mere Providence of God led him out to seek me in the garden ; and when coming to the further end of it, and despairing to find me, went back with intention to seek me in the town, which, if he had done, I had perished for ever. But the Lord directing him in his backcoming to the well, he cast his eyes, and perceived a hand lying on the grass, which extremity had caused me to do, and, looking more narrowly, found it was I ; and so addi*essing himself to my relief, -with much ado pulled me out of the water, even ready to expire, and unable to help myself. And after the water was poured out of my mouth, and I had slept a while, I was as well as ever, through the wonderful goodness of God. Oh ! that I may
KEV. JAMES FKASEK. 91
walk worthy of this kindness, and that I may be preserved to do him pleasure and service ! This happened to me during my first appearance in the world.
CHAPTER II.
RELATING SOME THINGS CONCERNING GOD'S DEALING WITH ME WHILE UNDER SOME COMMON WORK OF THE SPIRIT, AND NOT FULLY CONVERTED, FROM THE TIME I WAS NINE YEARS OLD TILL I WAS SEVENTEEN.
Ere I was reaUy and fully converted, and drawn to God in Christ, I advanced four steps ; and in every one of them I had un- doubtedly rested, and so, missing of Christ, had undoubtedly perished, if I had not been beaten out of them. But the Lord seeing me ready to rest in these, made them all to break under me, until at last he revealed his Son Jesus to my soul, whom to know is life eternal.
STEP I.
Was the getting some prayers by heart, and saying of them in a formal way morning and evening ; so that now I was complete as I thought. The Lord was likewise then dramng my heart to what was good : for when I said my prayers morning and even- ing, and did not slight them, then had I very much peace and comfort of heart ; and when I omitted them, I was vexed in my conscience. Sometimes for a while together I would omit seeking of God through sloth, and then would I be terrified with fearfiil dreams, the voice of which I thought was a rebuke for omitting of my prayers, and for a while thereafter I woidd be veiy zealous ; and, when I did any kind of duty, I would not be troubled at all ; and what evil soever came upon me, I judged it to be for the omission of my duties, which I looked upon as my greatest sm. By these means, as the most meet and fit for me then, did the Lord seek to cause me follow good, and to eschew evil.
92 MEMOIllS OF THE
But this continued not long, for I decayed ; and so thereby I was beaten from tliis, as I was from other resting places. The means and occasions were : (1.) Those who should have overseen me grew careless ; they let me alone, and took no account of me at all, but intrusted me to others ; and, therefore, " having no king, I did what was right in my own eyes," (Judges xvii. 6.) (2.) The Lord, after he had several times draAvn me to the yoke by fearful dreams and some small convictions, finding then that the impres- sions of these things wore off me, that I slipped out of the collar again, and not intending that this shoidd be my rest, did not trouble me ; and I not having changes, but being let alone, let God and duty alone, (Psal. Iv. 19.) (3.) Because it was but com- mon grace, and my soid being not united to Christ, the fountain, hence any thing I had vanished and perished, (John xv. 4.) (4.) Several lusts not being destroyed, but kept, notwithstanding of all my duties, especially pleasures, did in the end choke any good that was sown, (Luke viii. 14.) (5.) Evil company did me likewise much harm ; and, through continual converse vnth them, I was transformed into their image, (1 Cor. v. 6 ; and xv. 33.) (6.) Because, if tliis had not broken under me, I would have rested here, and so, coming short of Christ, woidd liaA^e perished, (Micah ii. 10.) (7.) Because I got not full rest and contentment in God, and wanting it in him, I behoved to go out to my lusts for it at last ; (Matth. xii. 44,) " The unclean spirit goeth out wanting rest, and finding none, hence he returns." (8.) Because my decay came by degrees, and not all at once ; and therefore still I thought I would overtake it, and therefore said, " Yet a little sleep, a little slumber." And the longer I continued, the more indisposed I grew, and greater difficulties I found, (Prov. xxiv. 33, 34.) Through these means mainly it was that I fell from this state, so as that I neglected duty altogether, and at last did so without a challenge, and gave but too nuich way to other sins, until God used new means, and made another assault, which he did shortly thereafter, thus : —
REV. JAMES FRASER. 93
STEP II.
Was the zealous performance of some duties, especially prayer. Before I had nothing but conned lessons, but now I could bake my own bread ; and I know not how, and wonder still at it, that, hav- ing so little knowledge, I could yet be able to conceive a prayer, and continue therein for some reasonable time ; and not only so, but to delight in it likewise, and that in a greater measure than I did formerly. The occasion was this : My father was sick, and like to die, and then sent for me, having provided a chaplain to the house, who was to have the oversight of me likewise ; * he was a godly, tender-hearted man, but none of the deepest reach ; and his zeal appeared still the more, in that there was nothing among our- selves but either ignorance, profanity, or formality, whUe he seemed to foUow the power of godliness, for which he was generally hated and despised. He was a great enemy to vice, such as drunken- ness. Sabbath-breaking, and swearing, Uls common enough in the family and country ; and being continued our chaplain after my father's death, (for about that time he died,) he set himself to spread the sincere knowledge of God, and to do good to others ; and, for this cause, instructed, reproved, and set them upon the practice of duties. I coming home, was delivered over to him, and to his oversight, which was a great grief to me, not relishing his strictness. The first night I would have gone to bed without prayers ; but, as I was putting off my clothes, he marked my design, and commanded I should faU down on my knees, and re- commend myself to God ere I went to bed, which I obeyed, and said over my evening prayer I had before got by heart, he read- ing his book in the meantime.
When I was in my bed, the consideration of my new yoke did put me out to weep bitterly. The man was lean and hard-favoured,
1 The family of Brea was of some note in the North. There is in the library of the New College, Edinbnrgh, a MS. volume under the following title: " Some Miscellany Questions of Divinity, Polemical and Practical, by Sir James Frazer of Brea, Baronet."
94 MEMOIRS OF THE
and kept at a gi*eat distance from me, and was very precise, an humour I was never before acquainted with ; as, likewise, I was secretly fearing the imposition of greater burdens upon me. I com- forted myself by a little vent I gave my sorrows.
But to return. One day as we were talking more familiarly than ordinarily we were wont, he desired to hear my prayers. I there- upon repeated both morning and evening prayers I had learned formerly. To wdiich, he giving attention, and knowing both by the matter, and my way of repeating them, that they were a conned lesson, which I had some way learned from others, he told me, that unless I had got the Spirit of God to teach me to pray, I could not go to heaven ; and that all other prayers proved ineffec- tual. And, thereupon, a while after, he, in all his exhortations to me, addressed himself to speak against set forms of prayer; and pressed us, that w^ere children, to express the pm-e and real con- ceivings of our own hearts, though we should but utter five sen- tences at a time ; and that this, coming from the heart, was better and more acceptable to God than many and long prayers taught us by others. He likewise taught us the principles of religion, the meaning of the Belief, the Lord's Prayer, and Ten Commands ; and had a very strict eye over us, correcting us soundly for cursing, swearing, lying, and Sabbath-breaking ; and observed our ways narrowly, and took a strict account of us, both as to what we learned, and of oiu* practices, but especially of me ; so that, in a short time, through the Lord's blessing, I attained to some compe- tent measure of knowledge, and left my former ways, and set about secret and pubHc duties, being about eleven years at this time ; and use made duties easy ; and the peace I had in them, with the hopes of a reward, and the influence of a natural con- science, made me delight in them, so as in a short time I went about them no longer by constraint, but did them of mine own accord, and willingly, and sometimes would exceed what was en- joined me. Every day, morning and evening, I would bow my knee, and read some portion of Sci'ipture, and would pray a con- ceived prayer at some lengthy and with some earnestness, but had
REV. JAMES FRASER. 95
no spiritual exercise, and had no communication with God. I like- wise began to comply with my pedagogue better, and to love him better ; and he seeing me profit both in letters and godliness, was more kindly to me. Nor could he be said, for all his strictness, to be rigid to me, insomuch that, for the space of a whole year, I re- member not that I was twice whipt, and one time was for swear- ing and playing at cards. During the time which he was with me, being a year and a half, I learned the most of my grammar ; but this being not my rest, I fell grievously away from all this profes- sion and practice.
§ 2. The steps of this decay were, (1.) Wantonness and lightness in time of public prayers, through a foolish light humour, and the tentations of others ; for I studied not heart-reformation. (2.) More slight performance of duties when I durst not omit them : God suffered this to go with me. And, therefore, (3.) I would some- times omit them altogether, when out of the knowledge of my governor. (4.) I began to play on the . Sabbath-day with others, for which I got a memorandum. For one day, being the Lord's Day, the children and I were playing some childish rogueries; which our governor (good man) hearing, calls us up, and then very seri- ously endeavours to persuade us and convince us of the sin of Sabbath-breaking, and the danger thereof, and gave us a large ex- hortation, and thereafter enjoined us all to go to our knees and confess our sins to God, and seek pardon thereof, which we obeyed ; and for my part, though at first I was constrained to it, yet I was serious both in acknowledging of guilt, and seeking pardon of sin. And, when we had done, we were dismissed, being first exhorted not to do the like again ; which produced a reformation in us all for some time. (5.) Through mine own evil nature, which was never as then mortified, and the counsel of others that were my companions, I despised my governor or pedagogue, and did join with others in afflicting him, by approbation and desire, though I durst not do it so openly. And I remember, one time he being out, an old soldier, who was pitifully cut and mangled in the face, had come to the house, with whom we got some Avay acquaint, and put
96
MEMOIRS OP THE
him in the pedagogue's chamber with a drawn sword in his hand, and an old red gown on his back, a candle burning before him, and sit- ting in a chair with a table on which he leaned, with a Greek New Testament in his hand on which he seemed to read ; and all this, that, when the good man would enter the chamber, the strangeness of the spectacle might affright him, and that we might have matter of scorning him ; and for this cause we followed him as he was coming to his chamber after supper. But, when he came in, he suspected that it was a trick, and went to the soldier and took the sword out of his hand, and putting him out of doors, he made him discover all those that had a hand in it, whom the next day there- after he made to crave pardon publicly. O how mighty are folks when they walk with the Lord ! and how little do their adversaries gain of them ! (6.) I proceeded from this to a more open violation of the Sabbath, and played with the servants at the club on the Lord's Day, fi'om six o'clock till it was nine, my tutor in the mean- time, I know not how, either remitting in his zeal, or hoping when we were more settled in our affairs (for we were to go South on the next day) to rectify things. (7.) When I came South, my peda- gogue became more rigid to me, and whipped me more frequently, I confess deservedly ; and I turned to hate him, and became stub- bom, and would do nothing for him. My father being dead, I was but too much countenanced by those with whom I was, who would not suffer him to take such course with me as he would and I me- rited ; so that things came this length, that I openly reviled him, and avowedly omitted duty. At last he was put away. (8.) He once being put away, I became worse, and did no good at all ; I neglected duty sometimes for many days together. (9.) I was much given to lying, and made an ordinary practice of it, so as that I coidd scarce speak a true word. (10.) I turned to mock godliness sometimes, though this did not proceed so much from an habit, and nature, and inclination, as from the tentations of others, whom, by this means, I studied to please. (11.) My conscience at last became seared and insensible, so that I did all this with little or no remorse. (.12.) Swearing little petty oaths of faith, conscience, and truth, was
REV. JAMES FRASER. 1)7
ordinary with me. (13.) I broke out at last in the dreadful sin of" blasphemy, which I uttered with my tongue, playing one afternoon at cards, being about twelve years of age. (14.) I stole from my mother's waiting man five shillings sterling, while I lay with him ; and, being suspected for it, I was denying it, but it was proven against me, and I was with shame made to restore it. (15.) I cursed myself knowingly, in denying a tiling which yet I knew to be true. (16.) I became so wicked, as not content to omit prayer on the Sabbath-day, and to talk idly as others did, I played the whole day at the dice, contrary to my light, and my conscience even in the meantime accusing and condemning me. (17.) I was almost mine own murderer; for being grievously awed at the Grammar School, and ordinarily whipped whether I deserved it or not, and desirous to be rid of this grievous bondage, I knew no way but to procure a sickness to myself. And, for this cause, I went out to the Cross and bought green fruits, and did eat nothing but that, and would oftentimes go naked all night, which procured me a flux, which I desired, and which continued with me for two whole years ' almost, which was near to have cost me my life ; for, through grief, and ill diet, and ill guiding, I took a bloody-flux, in which I lay for two days, which was all the sickness I ever had. In a word, I was clean gone, and nothing all this time was dealing with me save only some ineffectual checks and movings upon my heart now and then.
§ 3. This decay did proceed from the same causes with the former ; yet I remarked these five things to have had most influ- ence on me : (1.) I prayed, but endeavoured not to take away my sins ; my prayers never killed my lusts, and therefore my lusts kiUed prayer — like many now, that profess, and yet sin on stiU ; that fear the Lord, and serve their idols. (2.) My governor de- cayed in his zeal, through want of good company, and through ne- glect of private prayer, in which I marked him deficient, and through too much familiarity with the domestics that did blunt his zeal ; and 1 think, seeing my wickedness grow upon him and overmaster him, he despaired of doing me good. He slept, and Satan came in and sowed tares, Mat. xiii. 25. (3.) Because, when he was gone,
VOL. II. G
98
MEMOIRS OF THE
none took care of me ; and, " having no king, I did what Avas good in mine own eyes." None did reprove or coiTcct me for my faults, nor did look on my sovd at all, or put me out to duty, but gave me loose reins ; and old " Jehoiadah being dead or gone, I did evil in the sight of the Lord," Judg. xxi. 25 ; 2 Chron. xxiv. 2, 17, 18. (4.) Because not followed with terrors and convictions, peace and ease did me ill, Prov. i. 33 ; Jer li. 39. (5.) I found that evil com- pany did me much harm ; I learned theii* ways ; they hardened and encouraged me in an iU course, and drcAV me from the Lord ; for in my greatest decays, I mark this, that I was trysted witli carnal godless company.
§ 4, Yet notwithstanding of this, I was not altogether left of God ; for now and then I was in some good mood, and the Spirit of God would strive and draw me contrary to my inclinations, so as now and then I would pray and read, and be affected. And this good did proceed from these causes; (1.) Some extraordinary sharp convictions from the Lord on my conscience, that would put me out to prayer and to get peace ; which storm being over, I cared not for prayer any more. Acts ii. 37 ; Psal. Ixvi. 3. (2.) Outward and grievous afflictions at school, by reason of the tyrannical rigid- ity of a certain schoolmaster I had, who delighted in the scourging of children, and woidd ofttimes pick quarrels with me, and scourge me for little or no fault at all ; so that every day almost I was sure to be scourged, carry and do as I liked ; which made my life grie- vous and a burden to me. And this in the anguish of my soul would cause me to j^our out a prayer, Psal. Ixviii. 35 ; Isa. xxvi. 12, IG. (3.) Sometimes our teachers would instruct us to pray ; and then an exhortation had some influence on me, and would put me in some frame, 2 Chron. xxiv. 2. (4.) I would out of conceit sometimes pray. I lingered on in this condition three or four years, imtil I went South again, in order to my going to the college.
STEP III.
§1.1 was then going about the form of all manner of duties both public and private, joined likewise with reformation and zeal. Be- fore I was onlv taken up in prayer, but now T made conscience of
REV. JAMES FHASEK. 99
Jill duties ; and therefore meditated, read the Scriptures frequently, and kept the Sabbath very strictly, and reading of good books. And I left off all my old sins and ways, such as lying, swearing, and made conscience of all moral virtues ; I left my gaming, my idle talk, and became very temperate ; and, if I at any time failed, I would fall down on my knees, and beg the Lord's mercy. Yea, so zealous was I, that I endeavoured to gain others, and Avould re- prove them for their looseness. And this produced in me some lo^'c to the godly, so that I seemed both to myself and others a new man, and every thing to become new; and yet a stranger to Christ, and lying fast bound in a natural condition. But the occasion of this reformation and great change was this ; one Sabbath-day after- noon, being then fifteen years of age, I read on a book called the Practice of Piety, concerning the misery of a natural man, the tor- ments of hell, and the blessedness of a godly man, and some directions for a godly life. The Lord so wrought, and my heart was therewith so affected and drawn, that without more ado I henceforth resolved to become a new man, and to live not only a harmless life, but a godly and devout life, and to turn my back upon all my old ways, and utterly to forsake them, and thereupon immediately to setu])on the practice of duties. And in this way and condition I had mar- vellous sweetness and peace, judging and esteeming myself really converted ; and would ordinarily in my prayers thank the Lord for giving me his good Spirit ; and thought with myself, if I would but continue in this condition to the end, I should undoubtedly be saved. And, in a word, I was a complete Pharisee ; and, for the benefit of others, I will describe the frame of my spirit under this dispensation. § 2. I had the very characters of a formal Pharisee : for, (1.) I looked only to the outward letter of the law, and did endeavour an outward conformity thereto ; and, if I went about the outward form of duty, I sought no more, 2 Tim. iii. 5; Amos iv. 4. (2.) I judged myself rather by the length and multitude of my duties, more than by any other thing in them. Mat. vi. 7. (3.) I rested in duties as the end, and made them not the means to bring me to Christ. T looked on them as opus operatum ; and, therefore, when I did seek or pray for any spiritual mercy, it was not the things I sought I was
100 MEMOIRS OF THE
mostly taken up with : which did evidence itself to me in this, that when I prayed for any mercy, when I got it not, nor any promise for obtaining it, yet was satisfied; like these, Isa. i. 15. (4.) Whenever I ginned, I satisfied God and my own conscience by doubling my duties, and gave them to the Lord as satisfaction. And then, as though the blood of Christ had been applied, there ensued peace ; like those, Mic. vi. 7, that would give " rivers of oil for the sin of their soul ;" and these, Amos iv. 4, who would, when they transgressed, go to Gilgal and offer sacrifice ; and the whore, Prov. vii. 14 ; Mat. xxiii. 14. (5.) Hence my duties did never put away my sins, nor did tend to this, but I " served the Lord and my idols;" and if there was any reformation, it was but the " outside of the platter" that was cleansed. But I neither saw, nor did hate, nor strive against, nor overcome any heart corrup- tions ; they never troubled me, 2 Kings xvii. 33 ; Zeph. i. 5. (6.) I was utterly ignorant of the mystery of the gospel; I neither knew nor studied faith, nor the promises, nor justification by im- puted righteousness, being altogether ignorant of that, Kom. x. 3. (7.) I was more troubled for the want of holiness and the neglect of duties than for the want of Christ himself, and loved Christ's benefits better than Christ himself; I indeed "returned, but not to the Most High," Hos. vii. 16. (8.) I hated profane persons, and loved civil men that had any form of religion ; but did not rehsh the most strict, especially such who expressed the power of godliness, John XV. 18. (9.) Heaven was not sweet to me, but I ever thought on it with grief and aversion, in respect of the constant unmter- rupted spiritual exercises they had there, and the want of carnal comforts. I loved a kingdom in this world, Mat. xx. 20. (10.) My conscience notwithstanding, after a little profession, was unsatis- fied, and there was a worm gnawing at the root of all this ; and I could not be quit of this assault, that for all this I might and woidd probably go to hell. I had no great security from all my duties, and my fears were still ali^•e ; and aye I found, the more I did, they increased. Mat. xix. 16, the young man cried still out, " What shall I do to inherit eternal life?" (H-) Whatever I did was rather to satisfy conscience, than from love to God, Avho was a terror to mo,
REV. JAMES FKASEK. 101
and whom I could not otherwise represent to myself than as an angry judge and an enemy, whom I was still troubled to satisfy. By all which it appears I had no saving grace.
§ 3. I decayed from this and fell, and was beaten off it through these means ; (1.) My pleasures, vanities, and evil company, to wliich I was not mortified, did draw my heart away, Ilos. iv. 11 ; Luke viii. 14. (2.) Sins did break out, such as cursing and swear- ing and carding, and that very frequently ; so as I could not get comfort in duties. And this produced a despair in me of the w orks of my hands, and this weakened me ; my duties were not able to bear up the weight of my sins. And, therefore, sighing, I went backward ; and seeing there was no hope, and loving idols, I said I would foUow them, Jer. ii. 28 ; Lam. i. 9. (3.) Duties, through process of time, began to be a burden to me, especially when they gave me not full satisfaction nor peace. I was wearied in the greatness of my way, and wdth labouring in the smoke, and found no end in the travail of my soul, and therefore gave over ; for this thought remained secretly in my heart, that I would go to heU when all was done, I was indeed wearied and loaden with them, Mai. i. 13, "What a weariness is in God's service !" Why? chap, iii. 14, "What profit is it that we have kept his ordinances ?" (4.) By a certain providence I was brought to see the vanity of all this, which made me seek to another mountain for rest ; and, finding none, I turned a seeker, though not in judgment, yet really and truly in practice ; which made me despair not only of being happy l^y the works of the law which I had done, but even by those which I was to do ; and so put from seeking it afterwards that way. And this w^as my last step and dispensation of providence I was trysted with.
STEP IV.
Was, being beat out of all forms, I turned a seeker, hud no prin- ciple, but lived in hopes that God would reveal himself to me. Sometimes I prayed ; I had some comfort in doing duties with any affection and life, which isomctimcs I would win unto. The occa-
102 MEMOIUS OF THE
sion was this ; I was before this n formalist ; duties were my Christ, which I began (through my prevailing lusts and outward tentations, and Avithal some secret suspicions of their influence to justify me) gradually to be remiss in. Yet I left not the principle ; for the principle remained, (notwithstanding I fell short in my practice,) that if I could abstain from my ordinary sins, keep the Sabbath-day, pray morning and evening, and do every kno^Aii dut}', I should be saved. And this continued until, being left by my mother in a re- ligious family, I by providence took up a book called the Seventeen False Eests ; wherein I found the vanity of formality in duties dis- covered very plainly, and some other pitches and lengths I had not attained to. I was aftei'wards confirmed in this by reading the Confession of Faith, where it saith, " That though one should form his life never so exactly, according to nature and morahty, without Clu'ist he could not be saved." This was enough ; and the Spirit seconding it, convinced me I was quite wrong first, and had never knoAvn what true grace was ; and beside, despaired ever of myself to come to that estate of grace. All my refuges of lies were shaken, and that which many sermons for a long time coidd not do, now in a moment three lines did.
§ 2. The frame of my spirit might be thus described ; 1st, I thought all my duties, and all I coidd do, insufficient to save me, though as yet I saw not so clearly the insufficiency of duties ; and therefore did easily conclude, that all this time I was in an uncon- verted condition, and, if I died without a fm'ther change than yet I felt, I should imdoubtedly be damned. 2{.lly, I thought there was a certain state and blessed condition to which all the converted, and such as had the Lord's Spmt, had come, and betwixt me and which there was a very great cloud ; and that I was, as it were, locked up from this. 3dly, I had some hopes that God might do me good, and bring me to this state ere 1 died. 4tMy, I had in the meantime some shaiii and terrible convictions for particular sins, but not for my evil nature, and which did wear away without any remaining effect. Sthly, I had no principle, nor rested in any tiling, but looked for some divine manifestation and extraordinary
EEV. JAMES FRASEE. 103
revelation to my soul. Gthly, I prayed sometimes when the Sphit moved, and sometimes not ; yet had no peace except when I prayed with life and affections ; and then, though I rested not in this, yet Vv^ould it comfort me. 7thly, I thought that those that were rege- nerate lived a life of perpetual comfort and glory, and always per- formed duties with life ; and, when I would arrive at this pitch, I would judge myself converted. And I further thought, that there was a marvellous way of attaining to this ; I looked for the kingdom of heaven to come with observation. 8thly, I condemned all men; for seeing the unsuitableness of their lives to their principles, and their great carnality, and hearing their fruitless complaints, and confessions, and doubts, and expressing nothing of God's love, I thought all came short, and lived in an empty form. 9thly, I thought them the best preachers who preached most methodically, and with greatest natural quickness, but understood not spiritual preachers. lOtldy, I ordinarily sHghted duties, and fell in out-breakings of swearing, lying, and idle talking, and carding ; pleasures were my idol to which I was not mortified ; I had no principle nor centre, lltlily, I mourned for sin, not because it offended God, but because of the consequents of it ; and this made me conclude I was not sin- cere. And I thought, if once I could win to hate sin because it offended God, that then I was sincere. I drove this trade for the space of three years almost, wherein I was settled in nothing but In a waiting and seeking condition.
§ 3. During the time I was under the former dispensations, I was trysted with some wonderful Providences, wherein much of the power and goodness of God, in delivering me from terrible tenta- tions to despair, did visibly appear. They were these : First, A year and a half after I had blasphemed, being in my bed, the thoughts of that grievous sin came to my mind, and that with such horror as made me tremble with an imaccustomed fear ; this was the first sting of sin. I essayed to pray, but could not get my mouth opened; there did a number of blasphemies and cursings run in my mind with great horror and against my will, which I thought was like the devil in me. I had not knowledge, and therefore was the
104
MEMOIRS OF THE
more troubled ; for I was not fourteen years of age then. The more these thoughts did run in and present themselves to my mind, my horror was increased, insomuch that the horror of it was so great, that at last it became hitolerable ; and then, in my extremity and in great anguish of spirit, the Lord pitied me, and opened my mouth to pray for help, which I did most affectionately, and wdtli great liberty and abundance of tears, which did by a secret virtue charm and calm my confused soul ; for now did I by tliis conceive that I was not quite forsaken of God, as likewise the terrible ap- prehensions I had of God began to cease, and I slept till the next day. But my troubles began the next day again, and I thereby was made more devout, so as I read on godly books ; and, casting the book at random, the first passage that I met with was this, " When Satan casts in blasphemous thoughts in thy heart, be not discouraged ; for they are not thine, but Satan's." Here was a well of water ; though my eyes at first coidd not see it so fiJl, yet it did somewhat help me, and by it now I perceived much of God's con- descending nature. In process of time, when I began to be less troubled, these blasphemous thoughts did wear away, and so did my trouble likewise.
A second wonderful and mercifiil Providence was this. In the time I was a seeker, and heard them speaking of the sin against the Holy Ghost, and that it M^as unpardonable, I began presently to have some weak suspicions that I had sinned that sin, when I had recalled my blasphemy to mind ; but concluded nothing cer- tainly, because I knew not what that sin might be. And all this time it was my exercise to inquire at such as had knowledge, what that sin against the Holy Ghost might be, but was not satisfied, and I had no books that spake of that sin at all, and some places of Scripture in the Evangelists that did treat of that sin could not solve my scruple ; but, the longer I continued, the more my fears increased. At last I took up a Concordance to seek the Lord's mind in his word ancnt it, and for this cause I looked the word Sin; at last I was made to read, Heb. x. 26, "If vv-e sin wilfully," &c. I read them at length, and T thought I was stricken there-
REV. JAMES FKASER. 105
with as with thunder, and continued amazed and speecliless for a while; for I thought it was clear and past doubt I should go to hell, seeing I had sinned against knowledge, and wilfully, not being constrained thereto; and I could not say but it did proceed from passion for my bad luck at the cards. So that, for the space of three days, this temptation was a very sad exercise to me. Now, said my heart to me, dost thou not at last see thy doom clearly re- vealed ? What need more witnesses ? Then did I endeavour to pray, but was beaten back, because I thought it was in vain, see- ing there is no more sacrifice for sin ; yet I prayed. That word, I remember, in the midst of my despair came to mind, " Abraham in hope believed against hope;" and therefore I thought, though there was no hope, yet I should hope against hope. This was the only thing that did uphold me then. I drove heavily and heart- lessly like Pharaoh's chariots, because I had no hope ; although it stood me very much, I multiplied prayers, but they did not heal me ; I remembered Esau, who wept until he got a blessing. And did Esau, said I, prevail with his earthly father by his importunity, notwithstanding that he could not help him, so as in the end to get some blessing ; and cannot the power and wisdom of God help me, though I cannot conceive how? His thoughts are above mine. Tliis staid me something, and withal put me to multiply my prayers, and to increase in importunity. But, after I was for three days fearfully shaken, and having communicated my case to none, the Lord did at last grant some deliverance, and was pleased to calm my soul, not by removing the cause, but by restraining Satan, and ceasing himself to let out his hand against me. I got a nega- tive peace that I was not troubled, but lived as I was wont for a year after that, until the same temptation occurred again. 'Tis the Lord that raises the wind and storm, and that cahns them again ; and, oh what a mercy and power, that ever my conscience should be clear of such a storm ! it is yet a wonder unto me. If he give peace, who can trouble ? Let never any despair after me, though he were certain of hell ; the gladdest word I could hear was, that my sins were pardonable, and that there was a possibility to be
106 MEMOIRS OF THE
saved. In no case man is to despaii-; God can help in every case.
A tliii'd wonderful Providence happened to me a year thereafter, upon the same occasion. One Sabbath-day, at night, I had made some vows in my last trouble, that I would seek God more dili- gently than I had done ; but when the Lord's arrows were out of my reins, I forgot what I promised, and turned as bad as ever, being seduced Avith carnal company at the college. But the Lord gave me an awakening : for the sermon I had heard, being a rela- tion of some under terrors of conscience, and their sad condition, had some impressions on my spirit, so as by nine o'clock, in my bed, recalling to mind my old sin of blasphemy, I thought there w^as much malice in it and despite. Upon which, for the space of some hours, a more violent storm did break out than any I had ever felt. I looked on myself as one that had undoubtedly sinned unpardonably. I saw in God's countenance terror, wrath, hatred, and vengeance ; and some of my natural enmity against the Lord did break out like^Aase ; so that I struggled, murmured, and fretted against God, like the damned in hell, for suffering me to sin unpar- donably. Despair and want of hope is terrible ; I was as if in hell ; no visible thing did uphold me, only the secret power of God. I was in an hom*ly expectation w^hen Satan shoidd come and take me away ; and it was beaten upon me with a mighty impression that I was delivered to the devil. It was impossible for me to pray : for in approaching to God I approached to my torment. I sought with sleep to pass away that night, the sorrowfullest that I ever endured, and so to wear away my horrors, and hoped the morning would some way cheer me ; but I could not sleep, my horror still increased, and hopelessness was the sting of all my evils. It entered into my head once to put hands in myself; but this temp- tation did not takp, nor singe so much as a hair of my head, but looked on it as a mad thing to torment myself before the time ; it was hell I feared, and should I then run to it ? At last, after much tossing, and hardly praying, it pleased God somewhat to allay my horror with these considerations, which I thought some good spirit
IIEV. JAMES FKASEll. 107
suggested unto me. 1st, Thou knowest not how thou smned, nor the frame of thy heart at that time, whether thou didst utter these Avords of blasphemy in rage, or out of im watchful folly ; and wilt thou then condemn thyself upon uncertainties ? This was rational, but did not cahn my heart ; it, lilce cold water cast on a burning, did for a time ease it, but did not heal, because little of God was here. 2dly, It was suggested to me, that those who had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost never thought iU of it, nor rue that they did sin it. It was rephed. There may be a meing and a re- penting, because there may be a fearful expectation which may make them rue what they have done. 3dly, At length the Lord brake in with this. It is certain, that those who have sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost can never sincerely repent. Yes, said I, that is true. Well, said the Lord, take but this counsel : Suspend for a time judging of yourself, neither concluding that your sin is pardonable or not, till you see whether God will give repentance or not ; and, therefore, while the Lord spares your life, try hmi with this, and seek repentance of him. If he give grace, then may est thou be certain and infallibly persuaded that thou hast not sinned this sin ; but if not, and that God give you not repentance, you may conclude that you have sinned it, and wall be damned, and your impenitency will damn you however. To despair will do no good, and by this coiu-se you can be no worse than you are ; though thy condition be already desperate, what losest thou by this ? you may get some peace in the meantime. This prevailed, and the Lord by it cahned my spirit, so as within a few days all the impressions of this temptation were worn away ; but I little minded to endeavour repentance.
§ 4. During this time I lived in divers sins ; as, 1st, In seeking and living in pleasm'es. 2dly, Omitting of duties, and excellent occasions of powerful sermons that were at that time preached by the ablest men in the kingdom ; as, likemse, I neglected to im- prove the society of godly Christians. 3dly, Neglecting my book and mispendmg my time. 4thly, Continuing in a course of enmity against the most godly, and defaming them sometimes falsely.
108 MEMOIRS OF THE
5thly, Playing at unlawful games, as cards, dice, and other lot- teries, and that in a place where severe laws were made against them. 6thly, Defaming of my neighbours with pasquils and light poems. Tthly, Carnal and light in my conversation, 8thly, Wast- ing and spending much money unnecessarily. 9tlily, And once overtaken with drunkenness, fourteen days ere I was converted.
§ 5. From all this I learn, 1st, The time of youth is the most fit season to seek God. I found much tractableness in myself while I was young. Lam. iii. 27 ; Eccl. xii. 1. 2dly, That the best mean under heaven, for seasoning yovmg ones Avith the knowledge of God, is the admonition, care, and watchfiilness of superiors ; this was the only thing that did me good, Eph. vi. 4 ; Gen. xviii. 19 ; Deut. vi. 7. odly. That the Lord doth usually bless this mean with success when it is made conscience of. Gen. xviii. 19, Abraham shall teach his children, and they shall keep my com- mandments. The pains of others upon me had some effect on my spirit, even whilst much did not appear to others. 4thly, There is a day of Clu'ist's power ; religion hath a time. Those who are now stamped with hell were then professing somewhat, and going about the means, and strict in observing the Lord's Day, Eccl. iii. 1. Everyone got a touch of the wind of God's Spirit. 5thly, God is at much pains with sinners ordinarily ere he draw them fully, wholly, and effectually to himself. I was far from conversion at this time ; only I learned that there was a certain glorious estate of grace to which some were brought, and that I was a stranger unto it. Kev. iii. 20, He stands and knocks. Isa. v. 4, "What more coidd be done to my vineyard?" Though there were no more, surely I am much bound to the Lord for his pains he takes on me. Gthly, God is good to the unthankfvd and evil when they are in extremity. He heareth the cry of nature, and did hear me in my extremity when I cried to him, Psal. cvii. 17, 18, 19 ; Isa. Ivii. 17, 18, 19. 7thly, Let never any man, upon any account, neglect the use of prayer, or other means, though it seems never so luireasonable : for against hope, sense, and reason, when I was put to prayer, though there was nothing but the cries of oppressed
REV. JAMES FRASER, 109
nature, it was not in vain, 1 Kings xxi. 29 ; Psal. Ixxviii. 36, 37, 38 ; 2 Kings xiii. 4, 5. Stlily, It is ordinary to seek to other phy- sicians and means, and to rest on and close with them, ere there be a coming to Chi-ist, Hos. v. 13. 9tlily, All false rests will fail, and gilded grace will wear away, and must do so without Christ, partly because of their decaying nature. 1 Peter i. 24, " AU flesh is as grass, and the glory thereof withereth ; " partly because, while these continue green and fresh, the soul will not seek to come to Christ. None of the bad grounds came to perfec- tion. Mat. xiii. lOthly, A soul that is a stranger to God, and true conversion, may get and receive some great favours and deli- verances at the Lord's hand, and may have particular and clear experiences of the Lord's power and goodness, as Hagar, and may be therewith affected, Gen. xvi. 13. llthly. None can be so bad but they may be worse ; there is no bounding or term of sin, ] Kings xxi. to 16th verse. 12thly, I find the neglect or care- less performance of private duties, especially meditation and prayer, to have ever a great influence on all the decays that happen to a person, Exod. xvii. 11 ; Psal. Ivi. 9 ; Mat. xxvi. 41.
CHAPTER in.
DECLARING THE WAY AND MANNER OF MY CONVERSION, AND OF SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED THEN AND IMMEDIATELY THERE- AFTER.
SECTION I.
Of the Conversion itself.
§ 1. About the time that the related Providences happened unto me, being at the University, and being at the age of seventeen or eighteen years, our minister proposed to celebrate the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, of which he gave warning the Sabl)ath pre- ceding the celebration thereof, I purposed (I know not upon what
110 MEMOIRS OF THE
ground) to partake thereof. I had always a reverent esteem of that ordinance, and was under the deep impressions of eating and drinking my own damnation. I knew I was in an unconverted condition, and that, if betwixt that day and the next Lord's Day, I were not converted, that I would draw on myself a very grievous evil ; and that, eating unworthily, I might give over hopes of ever thereafter being converted. The Lord did therefore put it in my mind, both by ordinary and extraordinary means, to do my utmost endeavour to win to a converted condition ; nor was I of the judg- ment that conversion was within the compass of my own power, but I hoped that, doing diligence, the Lord might help ; and for this cause set to work immediately, beseeching God that he would once effectually work upon my spirit, seeing all former means had been used in vain. I went to sermon, and I found a better relish in the sermon than I had wont to find, and had an ear to hearken more attentively than at other times. After we were gone from chm-ch, I spent the rest of the day in spiritual exercises, and so was continuing very diligent in seeking the Lord, growing daily in the knowledge and love of his ways, seeing a beauty, and finding a relish that I never knew befoi'e. Books and discom'ses of prac- tical divinity were only sweet, and so were spiritual exercises. I had now tasted of the wine, but had not bought it.
§ 2. But on Wednesday, by six o'clock at night, finding by marks I had read in books that I was not converted, and not get- ting that extraordinary thing I expected, and withal fully resolved to partake of the Sacrament, I feared that I should eat and drink damnation to my own soul, and then that the remedilessness of my condition would be out of doubt. Sometimes I thought that I woidd suspend communicating at that time ; and if this resolution had prevailed, I woidd not have troubled myself with rehgion at that time : for this was the day of my a isitation, and this made me take pains even to cat and drink worthily. Therefore, hoping still for some good, I continued in my resolution ; but as I said, when I saw all in vain, and that I met not with what I expected, though I met with more than ever I did before, discouragements did (piitc
REV. JAMES FRASER. Ill
overwhelm me, and fears of dra\\ing on more guilt did load me ; and, witlial, this apprehension lay heavy on me, and haunted me like a ghost, That it was in God's mind never to do me good ; so that fear, discoiu-agement, vexation, and despair, and some horror and grief, did aU take hold of me. I resolved to set the next day apart for fasting, and therein to seek God, hoping that these extra- ordinary means might do something. Hanging, therefore, by this small thread, I went to prayer with many sad complaints ; and the Lord, while I was like the prodigal son yet a great way off, ran to meet me. I addressed myself to speak to the Lord Christ, and then was there a Gospel view given me of him ; and some consider- ations and representations of Christ were brought into my mmd, that he was the Mediator, a friend and Saviour to poor sinners, their only helper, the way, and the truth, and the life, that died for them, and one wiUing to be reconciled. What shall I say ? While I was thus exercised, a marvellous light shined on my understand- ing, and with the eyes of my mind, not . of my body, I saw that Just One in his glory, and love, and offices, and beauty of his per- son ; such a sight as I never did see anything like it, and which did so swaUow me up as I turned speechless, and only said. What is this ? And where am I now ? The glory, love, and loveli- ness of Jesus, revealed to me, did very far exceed aU that ever I saw or could see in the world, insomuch that there was no compa- rison. I was drawn by this, and after I had recovered, I said, O Lord, thou hast overcome me ! Heart and hand, and all that I have, is thine ; I am content to live and die with thee. Begone, poor world, and beggarly vanities, and despitefid devil and flesh, I will serve you no longer ; I know now of a master and lover to whom henceforth I wiU dedicate myself. Now are all my doubts loosed ; and now I see that I have not sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost. What shall I now do for the Lord ? Let heaven and earth, angels and men, praise him : for he hath looked graciously upon me, and that in my low condition. What am I, or my father's house, that thine eye should be cast on me ? There followed upon this such liberty as I thought I could spend the Avhole night in
112 MEMOIRS OF THE
prayer. Now was I persuaded that I was converted, and was come to that pitch which formerly I wanted ; and all the clouds evanished which were betwixt the Lord and my soul. This con- tinued in its strength only for a quarter of an hour, and then it abated as to its measure, though not altogether ; but something remained. After I rose from prayer, I went to the fields, and there sang songs of triumph. I comforted myself in my new con- dition, and prophesied to myself much more, seeing these were but the beginnings. Nor did I think that my happiness could be equalled by any ; and now was I fuUy content to communicate. I longed for some quiet place to pom- out my soul unto the Lord ; for I thought he wovdd return, but he did it not. I bore the first repidse, hoping that at last the Lord would return. All scruples, fears, and doubts, Avere banished. I went to bed ; and when I was lyen down. Now, said I, sleep securely, and so thou mayest, seeing thou art reconciled to God. Never could I do it one night before ; but now let heaven and earth go together. I thovight now, no Scriptures for me but such as were directed to saints, and there- fore read some chapters of the Second Epistle of Peter, but found little life. This did shake me. I read some on Isaac Ambrose, and some marks he had of worthy communicants, of faith, love, and knowledge, and the evidence of the Spirit shining. I thought I had these marks ; yet the withdrawing of my life and glory raised doubts in me, until, by prayer, again I got some of the glory of Christ seen, which revived me. And I was much affected with reading Isaac Ambrose's New Birth, and I thought there was never any thing so sweet.
SECTION II.
Of some Tentations and Clouds loliich thereafter folloiocd, and lioxv delivered ont of them.
§ 1. The Lord withdrawing that comfortable presence which I enjoyed before, humbled me very much, and mists began to arise,
REV. JAMES ERASER. 1 1 ,',
and the sky to darken. But that which indeed raised my exercise to some height was reading on Shepherd's Sound Believer, wherein he describes the manner of true conversion. And as I read, I appre- hended that God had not dealt thus with me, and that I had not found such a work on my spirit as he describes, (this was through misunderstanding him,) and therefore that I was not as yet con- verted ; and therefore that my communicating would be still an eating unworthily. And seeing what I met with was not Christ, I knew not who he might be, or what I should do ; and so was turned desperate. This wrought sorrow in my heart for a natural condition, and I sought the Lord in heaviness of heart, and indeed was not idle ; but discouragements increased, and still nothing but absence, insomuch as I thought my condition worse than ever. I sought the Lord night and day, as much through sense of the dan- ger of the want of him as through anything else ; but all would not do. Neither weekly sermons, books, counsels, nor prayers, could draw Jesus till his hour was come. I was then but ignorant, and knew not how to live by faith, and, wanting sense, was dis- couraged. The Sabbath came on which the sacrament was to be given ; my fears and sorrows increased, and I was tempted not to communicate. There was one Mr R. B. serving the tables ; he proponed an objection which some doubtmg Christians might have : " Many wiU say," saith he, " Oh ! I fear to draw on more guilt in my communicating. But, Oh ! " said he, " would to God that there were many of this judgment ! But I will tell thee, poor doubting thing, whether thou mayest come or not. Tell me, wast thou seeking Christ or not this week ? " " Yes," quoth I quietly. " It is like thou hast found something then. And did Christ drop in myrrh in the lock of the door of thy heart ere he went away ? Know it, poor soul, he will come again, for that is his token ; and thou mayest come here, and in his name I invite thee." This drew me to come, though I found no sensible presence at the time ; and thereupon ensued great fears. Yet the same Mr R. B. did, in the afternoon, encourage me again, so as I resolved to pluck up my heart again.
VOL. II. n
1 14 MEMOIRS OP THE
§ 2. I finding these discouragements did no good, and that com- forting of my heart did no ill, did resolve to cheer myself, and used some general encouraging considerations to myself, and therewith was some way strengthened to go about my generation work. Thou art now engaged to be the Lord's servant ; wait upon him, and trust thy reward unto him. This advice did no ill. Thereafter sermons were very sweet unto me, and so was the exercise of all spiritual duties, so as I grew in the knowledge of the ways of God ; and the more I knew, I was the more dehghted in him. Every spiritual duty did rehsh with me, and I was not well but when out of one duty into another ; yea, the most cold prayers and discourses anent godliness were sweet, and opportunities of prayer and getting good were highly prized by me. I began, within a month's time thereafter, to be more slack ; but the Lord warned me of it, and I mended my pace.
§ 3. Thus was the everlasting seed sown that was the light of glory then arising upon my soul. But this did not long continue ; for thereafter shortly there arose a more grievous storm, and of longer continuance than any I had met with yet : for the sacra- ment being to be given in the town about that time, I resolved to partake thereof, to see if I could get anything from God ; and for this cause prepared myself diligently, and went about the work of self-examination. But being but young, and having small expe- rience of my own heart, I could get Kttle clearness ; however, this exercise stirred up some things ready to die in me, and I did stiU grow in the knowledge and love of the tnith ; untU one afternoon, which I had set apart for seeking of God, I was reading on Luke, 22d chap., where Christ did eat the passover with his disciples ; and reading these words, " and the twelve apostles with him," I know not how it came to pass, but, reflecting on my deadness in reading such love as this, I concluded I had no grace ; and, withal, observing how Christ was so familiar with his apostles, and how unkind to me, the apprehensions of distance and separation from Cluist were so fearful, that incontinently the wind was up very boisterous, and I was brought again to the rack. Then did my
KEV. JAMES FKASKH. 115
evil natore discover itself to me, and then did I murmur and fret against God, that was so kind to others, and yet kept such dis- tance with me. I envied, as I thought, the very apostles with some despite, as I conceived. Fretting and mm-muring did but like rain increase the floods, and nowise abate them ; so that in sorrow and bitterness of heart, I walked up and dowoi for want of God, whom I could not find, nor knew how to seek, and under the sensible apprehensions of his wrath, and of an unconverted condi- tion. AU these things, vdth the fearful frame of my spirit, did put me in great horror, so that I utterly lost almost all hope. But these winds, through some process of time, were calmed, and in one of my calm fits I read on " Shepherd's Sincere Convert," this being the first time I ever saw it. I had not read fom' leaves of him when I was thrown on my back. The first arrow that did stick in my reins, and w^ent into my heart, was from these words : " The children of God do nothing for fear of heU ; they loathe to live like slaves in Bridewell, and like dogs for fear of the whip." Upon this my slavish acting was discovered, and therefore I con- cluded, that wanting that kindly spirit that acts out of love, which, indeed, as then did not appear, being under a strong fit of the spirit of bondage ; I say, not finding tliis, I concluded I was yet " in the gaU of bitterness." I went after dinner through the fields, and read that book all tlirough ; and the power of God was pre- sent. And reading what lengths hypocrites might come, and the sadness of an unconverted condition, and the great difficulty of saving conversion, I was woimded tlurough and through. !My con- dition was now worse than ever, and I was brought to a certain despair ; only I knew not what to think of the last glorious sight I had of Christ. But as I read forward I was put out of that doubt. In the same author's discourse of a false spirit, which is a means by which a false peace is begotten, he goes on and compares it with the Spirit of God, and saith, " That as the Spirit of God doth humble, so likewise doth the false spirit ; and that this false spirit did reveal Christ, and fill the soul with glorious apprehensions of him, so that the man seems to be wTapt up to heaven, and hence
1 1 C> 3tE]M0IRS OF THE
cries, 'My Lord, and my God.'" Here was all thou met with, said my conscience ; this did put the business out of all doubt, and I counted what I met with formerly but a delusion of Satan. And here all props were taken away, and by this means a breach was made to all tentations to enter in ; and the devil seeing his time, entered in with a whole sea of horrors. Then was brought to my mind my old sin of blasj)hemy again, and vehemently m-ged that I had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost, which -with such vio- lence he pressed, as I could get nothing spoken for myself. And that which did heighten aU this was, that the law brake in upon me, that sin might become exceeding sinftil, and wrought in me all manner of disobedience ; for my heart murmured, fretted, and swelled against God for guiding me thus ; and having terrible apprehensions of him, I could not love him. And now, said con- science, see how thou smellest already of hell ; how canst thou imagine that God will look upon thee that hast such a cursed nature ? The brand of the reprobate is upon thee ; why wUt thou therefore pray or hope any more ? Yet notwithstanding would I pray, and that frequently ; I know not what put me out to it. Many times did I grovel on the grovmd, and sought his favour, pity, and comj)assion ; then was it that my tears were my meat : then was prayer bitterness to me, and my mouth closed, and I as it were bound with bands ; for God was never more terrible than when I approached to him in prayer. I remember one day pray- ing out in the fields, I had this expression : Lord, said I, if thou wilt for nothing else compassionate me, yet compassionate my young years ; and yet I know not how thou canst break thy faith- ful word, who hast said that such as sin against the Holy Ghost shall never be pardoned. Nature seeks its own preservation, and, therefore, having no other shift to make, I applied myself to the Lord only. And now my greatest trouble was concerning the unpardonableness of my sins, especially that particular sin of blas- phemy ; yet would my spirit calm betwixt hands, and be at ease f(»r a while. I thought the devil had a great hand in my tcntn- sions ; for, said I, while I was walking after the flesh there Avas
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nothing of this seen or heard ; but since I have come to, and engaged with Christ, and followed his ways, is all this come vipon me ; it is not likely that this is in wrath, or from God. I con- tinued in the extremity of this condition but a few days, never opening my case to any, being bashful. I was sent for by my relations upon some emergent occasion that did fall out. I was glad of the opportunity, because by that means I should shun the sacrament that was to be given about that time ; but, coming there, my tentations and horrors increased. I thought every crea- ture happy but myself; meat, drink, and company, were a burden unto me.
§ 4. That which did mainly trouble me was my particular sin of blasphemy, which did in my apprehension render my condition helpless and hopeless. 2dly, The evil and terribleness of a natural condition, and the exceeding great difficulty of saving conversion. 3dly, The swelling and raging of my heart with hatred and enmity against God, " that sin might become exceeding sinful," Rom. vii. 7. 4thly, This was a terrible consideration, and took away the com- fort of all means, that all I did was sinful, because it did proceed from me ; and therefore I was many times dung back from prayer by this. Why comest thou to him, who hates and loathes every work of thy hands ? 5thly, UnsuccessfiJness of means for a long time, whereby I concluded my case to be desperate, and no cure for it at all. 6thly, These words sounded terribly in my heart, and were violently beaten in upon me, God will damn thee, he has decreed it, it is impossible it should be otherwise. 7thly, The con- sideration of the great number that should be damned, and the paucity of such as should be saved. 8thly, My great fiiistrating in respect of former enjoyments, Psal. cii. 10, " He hath raised me up, and cast me down." Othly, Terrible dreams and night visions of hell and judgment. lOthly, Fearful apprehensions of God, who was represented to me as a consuming fire, and an angry judge. Upon all this, lastly, ensued a terrible despair, prophesying that things would never be better. Hell did not ti'ouble me much, but God's wrath, and separation from him, did lie heaviest on mc ; an<!
1 1 8 MEMOIRS OF THE
this was the evil that I did see and feel in sin. The devil's end in afflicting with a particular sin was to cause me despair, and to take off my thought of any other consideration.
§ 5. While I was thus hopeless and helpless, not knowing what to do, to aggravate all my miseries, I was to hear a dead, Ufeless preacher. Ah ! and must I, said I, have this with aU my evils, to come under a dead ministry ? But I went with the rest, thinking it indifferent whom I heard, seeing I saw it beyond the power of means to help me. The text was, 1 Tim. i. 1, " Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ." I went betwixt sermons to a secret place, and there pom'ed out my soul to God in prayer ; but no refreshing. I came unto the afternoon's sermon again ; but behold the Lord's goodness ! from an unexpected hand, and from so general a text, and at such an unexpected time, the Lord did send a calm, and did that which I thought was impossible, viz., clear me fully (when I was capable of notliing less, and after all my considerations had been in vain) that I had not sinned unpardonably, from these words which he cited in his sermon, " Howbeit, God forgave me, because I did it ignorantly and in vmbelief." The Spirit said, Whatever thy sins have been, they have been done in unbelief, or whilst thou wast an unbeliever, when thou knewest nothing of God, though they were not done ignorantly ; aU thy sins were committed in a time when there was not so much as a common work of the Spirit, producing a common temporary faith. This was enough ; God may make any thing strong to do his work. The devil and all his storms were rebuked and calmed, and that suddenly, and so fully, that I was never thereafter assaulted with temptations of sin- ning against the Holy Ghost. My heart was made holy, and I put on a full resolution to seek the Lord till I should find him, and do aU in my power for this effect. And now I had good hopes, seeing my sins were pardonable ; and this hope produced a cheerful endea- vour to seek the Lord, which I did, and was labouring to do good unto others, and to spread the knowledge of Christ, by which means I daily grew in the knowledge and love of God. The books I most read on were, Shepherd, Fenner, and Practice of Piety, and
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Confession of Faith. God did bless all to me, though I was not to my own apprehensions converted, but waiting for some glorious manifestation of Christ, which should suddenly, and fuUy and sen- sibly change me ; and, waiting for this, I continued in this case for the space of a month.
SECTION III.
Other things relating to my Conversion, and the Lord's dealing tcith
me, considered.
§1.1 look upon this as the time of my conversion, and that then the everlasting seed was sown ; that heaven was begun, and Christ formed within me, upon these considerations: 1st, Because I found my heart changed as to my company ; I hated the most strict be- fore, but now I immediately found I loved and delighted most in the most holy and strict people; so that the persons whom before I hated upon the account of some disobligements, I now loved and followed. And this love was universal, so as, when either I heard teU of a godly man, or saw him, my heart warmed ; and the "love of the brethren " I look on as a sign that I am " translated from death to life," 1 John iii. 14. 2dly, Because I found a new esteem of, a great delight in, and love to, and longing after, all the ordi- nances of Christ and his commands ; I saw a glory in them, I re- lished them, every thing that savoured of God was sweet, 1 Pet. ii. 2, which I never found before. 3dly, Because I found my heart at that instant mortified to the world, and the esteem of and deHght in it gone, 1 John ii. 15. 4thly, Because my soul did see, esteem, love, and delight in the Lord Jesus above all, and preferred him not only to the world, but to the saints, duties, and ordinances ; and made a perpetual, cordial, and personal covenant to live with him and serve him, Psal. Ixxiii. 25, 26; 2 Sam. xxiii. 5. 5thly, Ifoimd a glorious, universal, and abiding change, wrought by the Lord hunself, " from sin and Satan to God, and from darkness to light," 2 Cor. V. 17, "All things were then new." 6thly, I was carried
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with a great zeal tor tlic Lord against all sin and sinners ; and did strive to draw all men to Christ, by instructing and exhorting them, Prov. X. 21, "The lips of the righteous feed many;" and, Luke xxii. 32, " When thou art converted, strengthen others." Then, 7thly, I found a new light discovering to me the mysteries of the kingdom of God, and making me from that time fonvard to under- stand the Scriptm-es, the exercise of saints recorded in Scripture ; and I delighted not only in the history or relation of the Scripture, but in the prophecies, promises, doctrines, and spiritual part there- of, which I never relished before, Prov. ii. 10, and viii. 9. Then was wisdom and her w ays pleasant, and became plain to me, which were before locked up and a mystery, Mat. xiii. 11. 8thly, Li re- spect of the Lord's after-dealing with me, and of his former deal- ing ; for he was preparing me before, and dinging me out of my false rests. And ever thereafter, although there have been tenta- tions, and shakings, and interruptions, yet hath that spunk never died which was kindled, but hath been growing at last, more and more ; some good ever remained, and in my sorest decays, the im- pressions of God's dealing at this time remained, so as there was a lono-ins: after the first husband, which was the means to reduce me out of a backshding condition. And therefore I look upon it as the "well of water springing up to everlasting life;" and that, in that respect of the remaining seed, I think I am " born of God," 1 John iii. 9. Hypocrites rejoice but for a season.
§ 2. I have looked on the Lord's dealmgs towards me, and what this manifestation of himself in such a manner as I never had the like all my life might speak to me, and what might be the ends thereof; and, after inquiry, I found them to be, 1st, To draw the soul to God by faith and love. He lets taste liis wine, that it may be bought ; and therefore is there a " seeing of the Son and a believing on him," John vi. 40; John xx. 29. Oh love and come to this glorious one, and, having discovered him to be the "Lord of glory, open the everlasting doors," Psal. xxiv. 7, 9, yea, and when this love is dead, quicken it again, by remembering him. 2dly, To strengthen our faith in his love, and our hope of heaven :
KEV. JAMES FliASElI. 121
and therefore hath he given this testimony of his love, revealing to me that rare sight hid from the world, to be a pledge and earnest of heaven ; and upon this to build and strengthen my faith, both in drawing near to him, and expecting all good from him. This reve- lation of Jesus, enlightening, comforting, and sanctifying, is to me the earnest of the inheritance, and seal of the Spirit, mentioned Eph. i. 13, 14 ; 2 Cor. i. 22, " Which is the earnest of om- inherit- ance." 3dly, To comfort me in my choice, showing that I have not casten away aU for shadows, and what I am to expect in heaven, of which already I have tasted, 1 Cor. ii. 9, " Eye hath not seen," &c. 4thly, To manifest and make known himself in his conde- scending power and glory, of which I might doubt if I had not seen with mine own eyes. Why should I doubt of this his power, when
1 have myself seen such a miracle, the blind eye opened, the dead heart quickened, and the heart wholly changed ? " He that be- licveth hath the witness in himself," 1 John v. 10. Oh to be raised from hell to heaven !
§ 3. I have likewise been thinking what this storm immediately ensuing upon this should mean ; and my being cast down to hell, after lifting up to heaven. 1st, To let me see the evil of mine own heart, and exceeding sinfulness thereof, which in such a degree I never saw before ; and by the murmuring and rising of my heart, and fierce resistance I made, I perceive that by natiu'e I am a bitter enemy to God, and a toad full of poison and venom. To humble me, and to acknowledge his grace and love the more. Job i. 1 1 ;
2 Chron. xxxii. 31. 2dly, To be a ground of faith when in like straits and cases again, and to have a proof of his power ; the Lord in my extremity, when there was no appearance of help, when there was nothing in me but frowardness and rebellion, when I cried, yet pitied me, conquering both my sin and misery. And why should I doubt him now again ? He ever helped me when in extremity, yea, when my case was most desperate, Eom. v. 4 ; 1 Sam. xvii. 37; 2 Tim. iv. 17, 18; 2 Cor. i. 10; Psal. Ixiii. 7. 3dly, To ac- quaint me with the Lord's ways of conversion, and with his terrors, that I might thereby be a better guide unto others, and be made
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more serious, 2 Cor. i. 4, and v. 14; Psal. xxxiv. 4, 5, 6, 11. 4thly, That God might by me show a pattern of all long-suiFering, who obtained mercy being so wild, 1 Tim. i. 16. Sthly, To show his justice as he is the governor of the world. I was very wicked, and by the law deserved severe punishment; I trampled on God's kind- ness and goodness. And therefore did the righteous Lord make me find sin bitter, and for this cause delivered me over to Satan ; he took me in his own hand and corrected me, not willing that I should die and be condemned either with or for the world, 1 Cor. xi. 32 ; 2 Sam. xii. 13, 14. 6thly, To hold out and represent (to others) the Lord's goodness, love, and condescendency, that by this experience of his love my heart might be endeared to him, Psal. cxvi. 1, " I will love the Lord, because he hath heard my prayers." Which love of his was kythed in delivering me from so great depths so unexpectedly and by himself, and so fully and clearly after all means had been used in vain ; and to me who was so ignorant and wild, and by my unbelief and murmuring more wild, yet he came over all, and " freed me from my fears," Isa. Ivii. 16, 17, 18. 7thly, To ding out the bottom of that tentation, and to pluck it out by the roots, whereby I was made to believe that I had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost ; which the Lord did now so fully and clearly, that I never after was troubled with it. And this was all Satan gained by this encounter. 8thly, I think it was a mean to make me live by faith, and to spean^ me from sense, 1 Pet. i. 24, 25, seeing by experience I found that all these sensible glories are but grass that withers, and so not to be leaned on ; but the Lord's word endureth for aye.
§ 4. I will conclude with remarking some instructions and les- sons I learned from these providences. 1 st. It is more sure to live by faith than by sense ; the life of sense is a life of uncertainties, exposed to assaults, 2 Cor. v. 7 ; 1 Pet. i. 24. 2dly, There is ordi- narily in the day of espousals something extraordinary of God's love and glory manifested ; the fatted calf is killed when first the prodigal is brought home, Luke xv. 22, 23. No less can assure
^ Wean.
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tliem of their Father's love, nor take away their wildness, and make them comply with their new life. Hence, Hos. ii. 15, "I will make thee sing as in the days when I brought thee out of the land of Egypt." 3dly, The soul in conversion closeth chiefly with the person of Christ, Jer. iv. 1, " If thou wilt return, return to me ;" and the not doing hereof is complained of, Hos. vii. 16, " They re- turn, but not to the Most High." 4thly, Grace makes a great, won- derful, and universal change, changing the outward life and inward frame, 2 Cor. v. 17, "All things are new ;" new prayers, new love, new company, new opinions, and new principles. A man is much different from what he was, not only while a profane man, but even while a civil or moral man under some common work. 5thly, One main way by which a gracious frame is kythed is in love to the saints, and joining with them. Acts ix. 26. Converted Paul essay eth to join himself with the disciples. 6thly, There may be much corruption to be mortified in a soul newly brought in to God, and under great flashes. For notwithstanding of all this diligence, delight in duties and joy, I was full of ignorance, unbelief; selfish, proud, conceited and light. Grace is indeed but small when it be- gins. Mat. xviii. 3; Mark iv. 31, unknown to themselves; little faith, patience, and rooted love, though some flashes there may be. 7thly, The Lord draws sweetly and gently ; and, in the woi'k of conversion, much of his love, of his power, and of his glory, is outed and expressed in that act and work, John x. 16, and vi. 44, 45 ; Hos. xi. 3, 4. The work of conversion hath much of God engraven on it. 8thly, Greatest flowings have greatest ebbings, Psal. cii. 10, " Thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down." Mat. iii. 17, with Mat. iv. 1 ; 2 Cor. xii. 4, 7. 9thly, Sudden and extraordinary flashes of joy and spiritual enlargements are more dangerous, and not so firm, as that which is less sensible and attained by degrees and pains. The bad grounds received the word with joy, and sprang up suddenly ; but the good ground brings forth fruit with patience, Luke viii. 15, and Mat. xiii. 20. lOthly, Whatever good comes suddenly (let it be sincere, or unsound, and so but an appearing good) will not continue in that height, but these tides and inun-
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diitions will come to their ordinary channel again^ some seeds and impressions and dippings may remain, but "all flesh is grass," 1 Pet. I. 24. " We walk by faith, and not by sight," 2 Cor. v. 7. I had never an extraordinary enlargement, either of joy, strength, or sanctlfication, but the waters dried up. There are no sudden steps in grace; "I will not drive them out all at once," Exod. xxiii. 29. " They shall go from strength to strength," Psal. Ixxxiv. 7. " The kingdom of heaven is like leaven," that leavens all insensibly, Mat. xiii. 33. Be content to get matters wrought by degrees, strength, labour, and pains ; and murmur not at the tediousness thereof, neither expect great things suddenly ; or if you meet with some such thing, look not for the continuance thereof, till by degrees ye come up to it. llthly, Little difference appearing from a sudden rapture of joy betwixt what is in saints and hypocrites, it were wis- dom, when we examine our estate, to examine rather by the whole course of the life, than by one particular work. Continued kind- ness to the Lord speaks more than any particular enjoyment, though never so extraordinary, Psal. xxiii. 6, and xxxvii. 37, "Mark the perfect man's end ;" see what all ends in. Conclude not peremp- torily from beginnings of any, either as to good or evil ; I could build little on this, if I did not see it backed with an after-tract of kindness ; or else might have thought it the tasting of the powers of the world to come. The great visible difference of the good ground from the stony ground was a fruit brought forth to perfec- tion. Foolish virgins' lamps will go out at last. Mat. xxv. 12thly, The more pains and the longer continuance the work of preparation will be of, the deeper ; the more sohd and glorious the superstnic- ture will be, Mat. xiii. 21, "It wanted deepness of earth." 13thly, Unbelief and doubting of interest is Satan's first tentation to apos- tacy, Luke iv. 3 ; Heb. iii. 12 ; Jer. ii. 28 ; Lam. i. 9, for I found, when unbelief came, it made a breach for all other evils. 14thly, Legal terrors in themselves tend to evil, though God accidentally drives good in them ; and therefore not to be simply desired or cherished, 1 John iv. 18; Gal. iv. 24, 30; Rom. vii. 9, yet the Lord brings "meat out of the cater." 15thly, One main evil
REV. JAMES ERASER. 125
j'oung converts are subject unto is mistakes, (as we may see by Scripture examples and our experiences,) especially anent the na- ture of sanctification and God's love, which, until cleared, is matter of sad exercise. I had many mistakes, which were as breaches leaving me open continually, and for many years, to the assaults of the enemy ; of which I will speak afterwards. IGthly, Not one remarkable circumstance of providence wherewith his people are trysted, whether sweet or sour, good or evil, but in the end proves there was mercy in it, Psal. xxv. 10, " All his ways are mercy and truth to them that fear him ;" which, though for a while, through our not regarding it, or unbelief misconstructing all, appears not, yet it is so, and God usually discovers it after many days. For, after a long while reflecting on times past, I saw in them so much of God, that I never before considered, that I found matter of bless- ing God for all, Eom. viii. 28, "All things work for good;" even their sins and desertions. ITthly, God himself is more eminently seen, in the mercies of his people, than instruments ; and therefore ordinarily none doth good but himself, and that not in the way, thing, manner, and time, they propose unto themselves, but as he proposes. "There was no strange God with him," Deut. xxxii. 12. "' O people saved by the Lord," Deut. xxxiii. 29 ; Psal. Ixviii. 35, and xviii. 31, 32. ISthly, It is possible folks may meet with more sharp convictions after conversion than before, especially if they have not been well hammered with the law, Heb. x. 32, " After ye were enlightened, ye endured a great fight of afflictions ;" which are not to be confined to outward, but inward likewise ; Heman may still sufler terrors, Psal. Ixxxviii. throughout. And I question if Job ever found such work as afterwards. I grant they " have not re- ceived the spirit of bondage," (which is one's constant frame,) hence Hannah is caUed " a woman of a sorrowful spirit." Before conver- sion, (except when madness made me rejoice,) death and judgment were continuaUy terrible unto me, and " through fear of deatli, was kept all my lifetime in bondage," Heb. ii. 15, but now it is but in fits. A fearer of God may "sit in darkness, and have no light," Isa. 1. 10. But though they create sorrow and discouragements unto them-
126 MEMOIRS OF THE
selves, and love to swim in these black streams, yet have not they received this spirit of bondage, but the Spirit of adoption, and they may come to God as a Father. Tliis is their allowance, and the new nature and seed of grace tend to this ; yet pretematuraUy, and by accident through mistakes and corruptions, it is hindered that it vents not itself in these filial motions, and will in end do it; yet, trysted with dispensations of providence, they may be troubled with this spirit of bondage. Howsoever they take it and harbour it, yet they received it not of God; "Perfect love casteth out fear," 1 John iv. 18 ; it is not their allowance.
CHAPTER IV.
RELATING SOME THINGS TOUCHING A DECAY THAT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY THEREAFTER.
I fell in a sad decay both of light, and life, and consolation ; the steps of it were :
§ 1. Step 1. "Was unbelief and doubting of my interest in God, and of his love, through the mistakes of the nature of sanctification, and by a wrong construction of providences, and ignorance of the covenant of grace ; so as I was in Job's condition ; though I had prayed, and God had answered me, yet could I not believe it ; I could not believe I was so happy as to be converted. And having such sad thoughts of myself, I had a bad construction of God and all his ways to me, inasmuch as I thought God did in wrath take away my terrors. Ah ! said I, time was when the Lord was tak- ing pains with me, and did lay siege with the law against my sovd, at which time I delighted in duties ; he put me in his fire and fiir- nace, but now will he take no more care of me ; now hath he raised his siege, and given me over: Oh miserable man that I am ! I am left now to the judicial plague of an hard heart, which hath seized upon me ; I am to pine out the rest of my days in vanity, sin, and trouble. And when my heart w^as in any frame, this, said I, is but to make
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me secure that I may not fear ; it is but a delusion. Which had these sad effects upon my soul ; 1st, Strange and hard thoughts of God as of an enemy, Luke xix. 21 ; Gen. iii. 5, as one that envied our good. 2dly, I judged aU that God said of his love in his word to be but wind at best, or compliments or snares to entrap ; and so made him a liar, 1 John v. 10, and by this means was made incap- able to be taken with Christ's allurements in the gospel. 3dly, Hence I could neither love nor believe him, nor by any means be drawn to him, 1 Cor. xiii. 7, " Charity believeth all things." For how could I love him in whom I believed I had no other interest than that of a cruel judge ready to condemn, and watching for evil against me, and that when his " words were smoother than oil ? " Psal. Iv. 21 ; Zech. xi. 8. 4thly, I had no will to keep communion with him, was wearied of him. When the Israelites said, " We have no portion or inheritance in the son of Jesse," the next was, " Every man to his tents," and did quit him. Jer. iii. 19, " Thou shalt call me. My Father, and shalt not depart from me." 5thly, I was heartless or slight in duties, whereby he was honoiu'ed, and communion with him entertained ; wanting love and hope, Jer. xviii. 12 ; Lam. i. 9; Luke xix. 21. Through unbelief my hands were weakened, and I departed from the living God. 6thly, Find- ing no satisfaction in God, which I coidd not do whilst these prin- ciples remained, I behoved to have it elsewhere in the creature. Jer. ii. 13, " Forsaking of God, the fountain of living waters, and hewing to ourselves broken cisterns," are joined. Tthly, Sermons did me no good, because not heard with faith, Heb. iv. 2, whereas, if I had believed and trusted in God, I should be strengthened with the joy of his salvation, Neh. viii. 10 ; Prov. xvii. 22 ; 2 Cor. ii. 7. § 2. Step 2. Notwithstanding of all this, I had hopes, that though as yet the Lord had not converted me, yet I might be converted, and therefore did not despair of it. Some secret thoughts in duties would drop in persuading me to hope, and some relish in duties. As likewise, since I was persuaded by a strong hand ray sins were pardonable, and that the Lord possibly might pardon ; this made me continue in the means. Satan therefore sought to beat me from
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this, or at least to make me remiss in them ; and, knowing that palpable vanities would not do, (for I had been burned with that candle already,) therefore would compass this by making me close with an appearance of good, which he did thus : I studied steno- graphy or short-writing, in the study of which, aiming at perfection in it, I was excessive, and so taken up altogether from any other thing, that I could scarce get the form of duties gone about two times a day. In end I resolved to give way, cheated with this, that, the sooner I acquired knowledge herein, I should the sooner have leisure to wait on God ; but, however, this spirit of whoredom caused me to err, and took away my heart. This was the second mean of my decay.
§ 3. Step 3. When I was called home, through want of godly company, and dead formal society among which I lived, I was brought a further length of decay, even to omit duties almost alto- gether ; contenting myself ordinarily with bed-prayers, and slight reading of Scripture and godly books. Several things had influ- ence on this ; the want of a convenient room, a prevailing spirit of sloth that would not break through difficulties, some false hopes that all would be well. Sometimes my heart would secretly despair, and prophesy things would never be better, and it is in vain to pray ; through these things it came to pass that my heart tiurned altoge- ther out of tune, and heeded not my work at all. Now had preach- ings and sermons no relish at all; then did I see that fulfilled, "He that followeth vain persons shall become poor," Prov. xxviii. 19 ; 1 Cor. XV. 33, " Evil company corrupteth good manners."
§ 4. Step 4. Then, through want of the fear of God, and unwatch- fulness, did I become vain and light in my conversation ; I followed lies and vanities ; I carded, complied with sinfiil customs, made no conscience of what company I came into, " inventing to myself in- struments of music," and seeking contentment from the creature. \VTien company was away, my heart turned melancholy, but did not turn to God. I would pray when trysted with any disappoint- ments ; bvit still, through interniption, lost more ground than I gained, so as I went daily down the stream, and grew exceeding
REV. JAMES FRASER. 129
hard-hearted. Sprntual duties were a weariness and a burden ; and thus I was not only discouraged and remiss in duties, slighting- them altogether, but grew very untender and carnal in my conver- sation.
§ 5. Whence a fifth step, which was, going to some relations to pass a visit, where there were many professors and much profession ; but there I got a dead stroke, so as it is a wonder how ever I reco- vered ; in a word, I turned desperate, and said, " Thei^e is no hope ; I have loved idols, and after them I will go," Jer. ii. 25. The grounds of this despair Avere, 1st, A great and long account of sins that had run up upon me, which I thought Avould never be par- doned, Jer. ii. 28. 2dly, The terrible hard frame of my heart, and great deadness I was in, so that I thought I would never recover again, John xi. 39 ; Ezek. xxxvii. 3, " Can these bones live ?" Gen. xviii. 11, 12. 3dly, Some fruitless vain attempts I made to recover myself ; my strength wasted in vain ; and hence I said, " This evil is of the Lord, and remediless, what should I wait on him anymore?" 2 Kings vi. 33. 4thly, The complaints, doubts, and discouragements of others, and their unsuitable walking up to their principles, who yet were eminent for godliness in the estimation of others ; they went with bowed down backs, and raised an ill report to me of the Lord and his ways ; and therefore were my hands weakened by these spies, Num. xiii. 30. Sthly, Their unloving carriage towards me, and keeping at a distance, and taunting me. At another time, seeking to join in with them, and to bear the bur- den of a good discourse lest it should die, I was put off watli a taunt. It is true, my conversation at that time was not gospel-like ; yet they had beams in their own eyes, and they should have dealt in greater meekness with me, and kythed love by a friendly repre- hension. This turned me averse to them, and to their way. Ezek. xxxiv. 21, They pushed Avith horn and side, and this produced scattering. 6thly, I Avas but too much countenanced by others, and humoured and complied Avith ; for I Avas given to foolish jest- ing, and they took but too much pleasure in this, and never once gave me a friendly warning or rcjiroof, altliough my Avays were VOL. II. 1
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displeasing to them : " The soul that lacketh instruction shall die." 7thly, Satan was beating in strange tentations on my soul, some- times telling me I was judicially hardened since I could not mourn for my sins, and that it was ever so since my terrors were removed. And then that place, Isa. vi. 10, came to my mind, "Make the heart of this people fat." Sometimes thinking my time was past, and my day gone, and that Christ had given his last knock, and that the door was shut. That place. Pro v. i. 26, troubled me, " Because I called, and ye would not hear, therefore shall ye call, and I will not hear ;" therefore, it is in vain now to cry or pray. Sometimes Satan said I had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost, citing Heb. vi. 4. For it is true (was it suggested to me) thy blasphemies were not that sin, because thou didst that in un- belief, and not enlightened ; but now thou hast been enlightened, and tasted of the powers of the world to come, and hast fallen away, and laid a new foundation from thy dead works for repent- ance, and therefore it is impossible to be renewed again ; and this is the sin against the Holy Ghost. This raised not that terror in me which tentations of this kind were wont to do formerly ; only made me heartless, and discouraged me. And then would Satan add, Dost thou not mark how unmoved thou art with this heavy message, which would cause any other to tremble but thyself? And why art thou not shaken ? Because the Lord has hardened thee like Pharaoh, that thou canst not hearken ; the sentence is past, and the stone is laid upon thy grave ; and now all thy life is gone, thou art twice dead, and plucked up by the roots. With these thoughts I was dung from duties and their cheerfiil exercise ; with pleasures, company, and want of inward and outward exercise, I was kept in my security and strong bonds.
§ 6. My sins were, 1st, Slighting and omitting of duties, public and private. 2dly, Vain and light conversation like the world ; the show of my countenance witnessed against me. 3dly, Idle jesting, Eph. V. 4. 4thly, Breaking of the Sabbath with idleness and mine own words. 5thly, Following of the lusts of the flesh, and divers vanities. Gthly, Sensuality. 7thly, Doing no good, neither glori-
REV. JAMES FRASER. 131
fying God, nor edifying others, nor profiting myself. 8thly, Haunting vain company, and not reproving them. 9thly, Sinful customs and recreations, though debated by some ; such as health- ing and playing at cards.
§ 7. Notwithstanding of this, the Lord upheld me by his right hand, and kept in the dying spunk, that all these waters coidd not quite extinguish it ; 1 fell not totally away, nor was I utterly for- saken of God, Jer. v. 5. For these things remained ; 1st, 1 was put out to pray, meditate, and read now and then ; I was not dung altogether from duties ; I did not show myself to have no know- ledge at all, in not calling on God, Psal. xiv. 4. 2dly, There re- mained a secret and quiet hope things would be Avell, and a look- ing up to him ; though cast doAvn, yet not in despair, 2 Cor. iv. 8. 3dly, Love and affection to, and estimation of, the people of God, and delight in them, still remained, so as even then I loved them above others. 4thly, Dissatisfiedness with my present condition, groaning under and mourning when I remembered the days of old ; this course was not pleasant, I was like a bone out of joint, these matters were not my element. 5thly, Some love to my first hus- band remained, and a preferring of the first course and life, even in its worst, before this, even as one prefers the day to the night ; and often would I say that word, with Job, " O that it were with me as in months past, when the candle of the Lord shined upon my head !" Job xxix. 2, 3, 4. Gthly, I knew that it was ill with me ; though I slept, yet I was not so dead as to be without sense or knowledge altogether.
§ 8. God's ends in this, for anything I can learn, were only to give further proof of his love, in renewing his kindness, in sparing me whilst in this condition, in preserving me from turning apos- tate, and, in his time, graciously reviving me again with much pains and long labour. 2dly, To keep me watchful in time coming, lest a worse thing befall me. 3dly, And to let me find the power of sin, and of ray original corruption, more fully, 2 Chron. xxxii. 31. 4thly, To keep me humble for ever after it, tbnt T may not open the mouth, Ezek. xvi. 03.
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§ 9. Tlicse things hail influence on my decay, mainly ; 1st, Want of outward and inward afflictions. I had no changes, there- fore feared not God, Psal. Iv. 19. The spurs were out of my side, terrors were away which drave me to duty. 2dly, In respect of the decay of that inward sweetness which accompanied duty for- merly, God, having brought me out of Egypt into the wilderness, had withdrawn that ; and, wanting these by-fleeces, I fell in my wallc ; " For this Moses, we know not what is become of him," Exod. xxxii. 1. 3dly, Through process of time the spirits wearied, and the impressions of things did wear away ; and, being wearied, I desired sleep : " They rejoiced in his light for a season," John v 35 ; and, as the Galatians, did run well at the break. 4thly, Many tentations from within and from without, which the Lord kept up before. Now the Lord let out my original corruption, and I found nothing but a dead hard heart from within, and discouragement from without, and this made the way more hard. 5thly, The powerful means were removed ; the good company and powerful sermons were gone which did feed me. Gthly, Godless comjaany, that had no grace, with which I was trysted, that did eat out all religion out of me. 7thly, The formal, carnal, and lifeless conversation of some (much cried up) professors, made me even despair as it were. 8thly, Too eagerly following of lawful comforts, and employments, and studies. 9thly, Growing remiss in the exercise of duties, espe- cially of private prayer and meditation. lOtlily, Not looking to ills in the beginning, but letting them rvm on ; not heeding things, or considering my ways, but sleeping ; and therefore became my garden overspread with thorns, llthly. Want of knowledge and principles, whereby I became over credulous, and believed every thing that was suggested. 12thly, Unbelief and discouragements, whereby I concluded all lost and desperate, and God a hard mas- ter, and that I was not yet converted : an evil heart of unbelief in departing from God, Ileb. iii. 12. ISthly, Taken up with lesser matters, and not exercised with weighty truths and duties ; taken up with trials of grace, and not exercised witli common principles, llthlv, Living by sense, and not by faith.
REV. JAMES FKASER. ] 33
§ 10. I observe these things from this decay of mine ; 1st, It is ordinary, and an evil to be watched against, to fall away from that measure saints receive at their first conversion. Rev. ii. 4, 5, " Thou hast fallen from thy first love." Tentations come, and God Avithdraws his strength and comfort ; and in process of time the spirits weary, and this breeds fainting. 2dly, Saints fall not away totally ; something still remaineth, 1 John iii. 9, " His seed re- maineth in him ;" Cant. v. 2, " My heart waketh." odly. What- ever the decay of saints be, yet the Lord ordinarily recovers them out of it again ; " Though they fall, they shall arise," Micah vii. 8. The slumbering virgins were at last awakened. Mat. xxv. 5, 7. 4th]y, Unbelief, especially in passing hard sentences on our own estate, and doubting of our sonship, the first and greatest cause of apostacy, Heb. iii. 12 ; therefore, Satan tempted Christ with this first: "If thou be the Son of God." Jer. ii. 25, "There is no hope, we have loved idols." 5thly, A Christian thrives as he keeps up correspondence with God in private duties, especially secret prayer. Mat. xxvi. 41, " Pray, lest yc enter into tempta- tion;" Exod. xvii. 11. 6thly, A backslider ordinarily goeth a great length ere he recover, Jer. ii. 5, " They have deeply revolted, they have gone far from me." 7thly, Saints are drawn from God by appearances of good, by seeming temptations ; they are be- guiled in the use of lawful comforts. We should watch much against this ; " a tree to be desired to make one wise." 8thly, Back sliding and spiritual apostacy comes by degrees ; he falls not all at once. Mat. xxv. The virgins first slumbered, then slept ; hence it is called backsliding : a man quietly slides from God. 9thly, No means can reclaim a backsliding soul, nor make the ebbing soul flow, till the Lord's hour come. It is a stroke of omnipotence that makes the fever turn ; no physician can stop the issue. Hos. xiv. 4, It is God that healeth backslidings. lOthly, A man may contract in a way of backsliding such evils very quickly, that he will not for a long time get quite rid of. Sins and decays are very hard to cure, llthly. Persons are ordinarily very secure, and quiet, and sleeping, in a decaying condition ; they sleep while the Son of man
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is betrayed to isinners. 12thly, Sense and aflfections, without knowledge, do expose a soid to many evils, and make their case very uncertain and unstable. Children in understanding, 1 Cor. xiv. 20, are " tossed to and fro with every wind of doctrine," Eph. iv. 14. 13thly, A fiery temptation may be suspended and calmed ; but, until it be cured by the woi'd, it will retm'n again. All the time of this decay, my temptation of sinning the sin against the Holy Ghost did never recur, in respect it was once cured by the Word. 14thly, 111 company, and peace in the world, are ill attend- ants of a backslider, Prov. i. 32, " The prosperity of fools destroys them." Oh it is sad when carnal company, and a soul departing from God, tryst together ! " Woe to him that is alone," Eccl. iv. 10. 1 5thly, A carnal generation of professors is greatly abominable to the Lord, and great plagues in the earth, especially to young- beginners. Oh for the garments of praise ! They raise an evil report ; and ordinarily carnality and discouragement go together.
CHAPTER V.
OF MY RECOVERY.
SECTION I.
Of the first several Steps, and manner thereof.
The Lord did not raise me all at once out of my backslidden con- dition, nor without interruption, (as might be thought,) but very leisurely, and through many ups and dovnis. The seed was sown, and it grew, and I ate and drank, and knew not how. The spring was small in the beginning, scarce discernible. I looked, indeed, for the kingdom of heaven to come with observation, but it came not so ; and as it was soAvn with little din and noise, so did it grow up quietly, and had many interruptions and winters, going back- ward and forward ; like the filling sea, some Avave gained ground, and some succeedino; lost and abated, but a new overflowing
REV. JAMES ERASER. 135
regained all again. There would come a wave of the Spirit that would overflow largely, but after that a little ebb ; and then, when I little expected, there would come a wave that would set me as far forward as ever again : and then a little decay, and then a recovery, so as for a long time I was tossed up and down like a locust, wearied of myself, and of my life, and righteousness, and enlargements of heart, and of all these glories. I was after humi- liation of heart, by a strong yet quiet hand, at the command of God, with little din made to believe and rest on Christ, so as I had never done the same before ; and in process of time to become assured, and so come to see myself in a good estate, and to have come off my way, and the Lord to have almost perfected his work, ere I had thought he had well begun. Nor all this time did I know what the Lord was doing until of late ; but thinking I was minting to enter in at the strait gate, and " ever learning, and never able to attain to the knowledge of the truth." And now I see that all this time the Lord carried me as an eagle doth her young ones, Deut. xxxii. 10, 11, 12. And when the Lord was leaving, and his work going back in mine eyes, yet was it going forward. The way and steps of this my recovery were, —
§ 1. Step 1st. After I had long departed from God, and so gone far away, the Lord made me unsatisfied with and weary of my pre- sent condition ; and even in this laughing madness was my heart sorrowful. And when in midst of my jollity, if at any time I Avould tliink on my former estate, I would say. Oh Avhat a sad condition am I in now ! Oh the days of old ! " Oh that it were with me as in months past !" Oh that I were under Christ's terrors again ! His glooms and boasts were better than tliis at best, Hos. ii. 7, " better when with the first husband." I remembered whence I had fallen, and this dung out the bottom of my carnal content- ments.
§ 2. Step 2d. I had thoughts to retm-n to my first husband, but was beaten firom this with the apprehensions that it was not time ; and hence it became a great case to me, whether the Lord may assault a soul with a spirit of conviction, and leave i(, and come
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again ? liutheribid had a terrible word, which haunted me like a ghost, viz., "A man is saved in the nick of conversion, or else eter- nally lost." Sometimes I thought I Avas judicially hardened, and my time gone ; but the Lord did take the thorn aAvay, and made nie hope, by casting a book in my hand which did \ATite of com- punction ; and he states the case, viz., " Whether a man once under convictions, and these dying without fruit, can be again converted?" He determined it affirmatively, with such reasons as then convinced me, so as I resolved to set up shop again, and try it, Ezra x. 2, 3, though I found therein a great difficulty.
§ 3. Step 3d. Was the setting about the means, with prayer, reading, and meditation. I rested not in bare fruitless wishings and hopes, but I was helped to set myself to seek the Lord, and set up shop again, though with some difficulty ; the irons were rusted. I continued praying morning and evening for some time, and medi- tating, and preparing my heart, notwithstanding all my discourage- ments, and indispositions, and little success ; for my heart continued hard, dead, and blind, and conversation carnal, and duties were a burden to me.
§ 4. Step 4th. Having for some twenty days prayed, mourned, and complained, and not finding any life, but my deadness increasing, and hearing no word of Christ, I began to have suspicions that sen- tence vv^as indeed past against me, and that I w^as sealed under the plague of an hard heart, and that Christ had given over ; and was tempted to cast aside duties as vain. And then I said. Oh poor soul ! thou wilt never get so much as a tender heart again, nor so much as once to pour out this thy soul to God ere thou die. While I was thus exercised, the Lord was pleased to let me again taste some of the sweetness of duties ; for one time I went in the multi- tude of my thoughts to the Lord in prayer, and it pleased the Spirit to blow, and to open my heart, so as I jirayed AA'ith abundance of tears and great liberty, and I found much sweetness in the work. Now, although I was not satisfied with this, yet I was comforted, in that it was a proof to mc that the Lord had not quite forsaken mc, and that after this there would come bettor.
REV, JAMES FRASEE. 137
§ 5. Step 5tli. I began then to fall more closely to work, and to l)ut other sails on, and more irons in the fire ; for then did I write diaries, make vows and covenants, and to fall to the work of self- examination, and to write some infant notions of practical divinity, and my meditations on several texts, which did me good, and at first helped me forward, and suited me well.
§ 6. Step 6th. The Lord by duties wearied me with them, and mortified me to my self-righteousness, and did with labour bring down my heart. 1st, He discovered unto me, and let me feel the evil and power of my heart. Then did I groan under the burden of a dead, blind, and carnal heart, and the body of death Avas my great exercise, and heart-ills, especially hardness of heart. And thus more sensibly than ever I was wearied and burdened AAath my heart, though not in horror. 2dly, The Lord let me see the sin- fulness of all my duties and best actions ; the formality, lifelessness, and corrupt principles whence they proceeded, and my great short- comings, so as I knew these were not. my Saviours, and turned mine eyes from them. 3dly, I was wearied and loadened with my- self, my sins, and duties, trailed through various dispensations, and burdened with feckless labour. I saw I could not put my heart in a frame, nor keep my heart in a frame when it was in it, but still did break my resolutions. My duties, they yielded neither peace nor satisfaction, nor did they mortify sin ; for I was but rowing ngainst the stream, and after a long time worse in my own conceit than before. I was dying sometimes, and living again ; when like to die, the Lord would look upon me, and put it in my heart to seek him, and would send down influences, and enlarge my soul with love and desires after himself, and sorrow for sin, and new resolu- tions ; and this would quicken me for a while, and make me hope and seek the Lord. And then again the Lord would depart, and my soul would be overclouded, and I woidd turn unwatchful, and fall to my ordinary sins, and depart from the Lord, and sin in words. And with this I was vexed, because my resolutions were broken ; and I was discouraged, and despaired ever to come up ; and was weakened, thinking, how phall I look tlic Lord in the face?
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What secm-ity can I now give him for my behavioui' ? Until at last that no frame or duty could give me comfort at all. And, when my heart w^as enlarged, I said, I have enough of delusions, let me alone. Yet, whilst thus discouraged, not knowing what to do, and unable to think of what might do me good, God would shine in upon my soul ; and among a hundred visits of this kind he gave me, and by which he many times restored my dying-out heart to life, he was pleased stUl to come out and create a new thing, some new ground, and the floods would stlU increase. How often have I said, Now, sure the Lord will come, and will not tarry; now I shall keep fast what I have. But I was deceived ; " All flesh is grass, and the glory thereof withereth." I have said sometimes in my extremity, Now, what is it that can quicken me ? Sm'ely I can never recover out of this, though God should open windows in heaven. Then would the Lord show liis power and condescend- ency, and would quicken me, and put away my fears, and make me look cheerful, and cause me put on new resolutions. Li a word, I was thus wearied and burdened in a wilderness for the space of three fidl years, and poured from vessel to vessel.
§ 7. Step 7th. When all failed, and that I was at the point of dying, the Lord would send some extraordinary thing, some fit word, some good book, that would quicken me and strengthen me sometimes to spend half nights in prayer. Sometimes, meeting Avith other Christians, the Lord woidd rain some seasonable word; and nothing did me more good than stories relating to God's deal- ing with others. Likewise, being in the South, the Lord trysted me with a powerful New Testament ministry, wliich did keep in my dying life, and greatly encouraged me ; many a time was my swooning life revived, and I brought from the gates of death. Yet these waterings insensibly sanctified me more and more both in heart and conversation, and made heavenly things rehsh with my soul ; and by them I was made more capable to receive the Lord, and my eyes therewith kept waking. And this I look upon as my wilderness condition.
§ 8. Step 8th. The Lord having fully wxaricd me with my sins.
REV. JAMES FRASEK. 13*.)
heart, duties, and enlargements, and poured me from vessel to ves- sel ; and looking for help in and from another, he did next humble me. For after all this there remained a pride of heart, •which kythed not in the estimation I had of my self-righteousness, but in the fi'owardness of my will, which would not submit to such search- ings, but secretly fretted and miu'mured, like these, Prov. xix. 3. I thought God made it all his work to cross me, and hence was disquieted ^vith falls, and not kindly humbled ; and withal, some murmm'ing at the Lord's delays. For one day reading on the Sab- bath afternoon on Shepherd's " Sound Believer," after I had come very unprofitably from sermon, and withal discouraged, being Au- gust 1660; the place I read on was of the nature of humiliation, and how the Lord works it in his elect, (by convincing the soul of the equity of God's proceeding with it, and thereby the soul is made quietly and willingly to bear what the Lord pleaseth to determine anent it, without repining or murmuring,) in reading of which, and of his motives and reasons of submission, the Lord opened my eyes, and bowed my heart, so as I saw his equity in his dealing towards me, and complied in my will and affections to his dealings, submit- ting myself to him without quarrelling or murmuring, in another way and manner than ever I did before. Imo, I saw clearly and rationally the Lord's equity, and absolute dominion he hath over all, to do with them as he pleaseth ; and that he did nothing with me but what was fitting, Lam. i. 18 ; Dan. ix. 7 ; Jer. xii. 1. The murmurings and swellings of my heart were quieted and calmed ; I was no more like the raging sea, but in a calm and quiet frame, like one newly cooled out of a raging fever, Lam. iii. 28; Lev. x. 3; Psal. xxxix. 9. I disputed now no more against God or his pro- ceedings. 2do, My heart, even my affections, were made to com- ply with my present dispensations ; I did willingly bear the yoke, Mic. vii. 9 ; Lam. iii. 28 ; so that I was satisfied with whatever came to pass ; " It is the Lord," &c. 3tio, I did put myself in his will, to do to me as it seemed good ; so as, if he put me in hell, I should not murmur nor complain of injustice, 2 Sam.xv. 26. This was wrought in a low measure, and did proceed more from the
140 MEMOIRS OF THE
sense of God's sovereignty than of his justice, and was rather nega- tive in not murmuring, than positive in a hearty compliance with evils. And thus was the frame and work of humiliation wrought in me ; and I continued herein for a month, suffering every thing, and doing what the Lord required.
§ 9. Step 9th. After I was in this low measure humbled, I pro- ceeded another step, even to resign myself to the Lord. It was occasioned by reading a sermon of Mr Andrew Gray's, on these words, " My son, give me thy heart." I was made to comply with that command, so as, though I could not say I was quite conquered by the love of Christ so fully to give up myself, yet through sense of want and misery, and some old love to Christ, and withal hoping it might be a mean to do me good, and willing to comply with a command, I did legally and affectionately dispone my heart to Christ. "O Lord," said I, "though I cannot command this evil heart to love thee, nor myself to serve thee ; yet, if I have power or right of it, I here legally renoimce that right in thy favours, and by these presents make over myself to thee, and all that is within me. Now, Lord, take me at my word, and take advantage of this to claim me as thine own ; accept the real motions of my will. Oh that Christ Avould now look on me as his, and pretend right to me, and make use of this right !" In the strength of this I walked for some time, though it did not always satisfy. For I could not believe that though I was sincere and affectionate in this, that ever my disposi- tion could give Christ a right to me, unless he likewise did accept it. " Lord, thou offerest thyself to me, (said I,) and I cannot take thee ; Lord, I likewise offer myself to thee, thou mayest take me, but wilt not. Oh ! others take advantage of my bargains ; Oh that Christ w^ould do so, and challenge a claim and right to me ! Lord, thou sayest thou art Avilling to do me good ; Lord, I offer myself to thee to do with me what thou wilt ; only let me not be guided by myself." Here came I, and I did stick and wrestle for some time striving to come forth. This was in July, and I continued till the latter end of August thus.
\
REV. JAMES FRASEK. 141
SECTION II.
Relating some things touching my humiliation and wilderness condition.
§ 1. The frame and exercise of my heart while in this condition was, Imo, I found great deadness and hardness of heart ; and this I mourned under, as my greatest evih I now thought I coukl never win to be so sensible of my condition as I ought to be, and in my heart I desired a law-work again. 2do, I was in great blind- ness and distance with Christ, and therefore much lamented my ignorance of him ; and therefore was unsatisfied with my greatest attainments, in respect I saw not himself; or, if I did, it was very darkly. 3tio, I wanted assurance, and was in the dark as to my interest, and rather was inclined to think myself not converted than converted, and was seeking and hoping for something ; and any thing I met with made me rejoice, as it Avas an evidence of some good to come to me, rather than as it was a token of any good already gotten. I had no foundations settled. 4to, I was inconstant ; my goodness Avas as the morning dew, so as my great complaints were, that my heart would not retain or keep the divine impres- sions that were on it now and then, Hos. vi. 4. 5to, I was full of unbelief, constructing hardly of God and of his ways, and of my- self; which unbelief, though as yet I saw it not as a sin, yet did me much evil. I thought ill that I was delivered from my ten-ors, Exod. xvii. 3. 6to, I was tormented with this, that I met not with that sweetness and fellowship in ordinances as I desired, but barren for the most part to my soul ; not being thankful for the day of small things, such as quickening, healing, encouragement, and comfort ; and not humbled for Avants when nothing was spoken to me. 7mo, There Avas secui-ity and unwatchMness, Avhereby my heart was ready to groAV careless, by Avhich I continually fell to some sins of conversation, Avhich did break my peace.
§ 2. I ordinarily then slipped in these sins, which did break my peace : Imo, Departing from God in heart, in turning secure and careless, and suffering my heart to go out of all tunc, through not
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walking as In the sight of God. 2clo, Sensuality in the immoderate use of comforts, being naturally given to appetite. 3tio, Idle vain words, and vain conversation. 4to, Unprofitable spending of time, and not improving opportunities and occasions of good, letting my generation-work lie by. 5to, Carnality in all my actions, civil and religious, not doing things spiritually. 6to, Sloth in going about the means ; beside the inward evils of pride, murmm'ing, and unbe- lief, and want of love and fear.
§ 3. But as the Lord showed kindness to his people in the wil- derness, notwithstanding all their provocations, so did he to me : and I observed his love during this time in several particulars ; Imo, When I was In hazard to sleep the sleep of death, and to de- part from the Lord through my discouragements and plagues of heart, evil and carnal company ; what mercy was it, to clear me from my discouragements, to take me to the -wilderness from the crowd of the world, and against the stream of indispositions, sloth, and discouragements ; to persuade and make me return and seek the Lord in the use of all means, " if so be there might be hope," when I had no mind of it, nor heart to it ? How did he convince me that my time was not yet gone ; that when I was departed, and like to fall, nay, far gone in a consumption of which I would have died, that I should be prevented and healed, and that he should renew his kindness, and M^ould not let me depart for ever, but stirred me up to seek the Lord ? He " found me in an howling wil- derness," ready to perish, gasping out my last, Deut. xxxii. 10. There had I perished for ever ; but the Lord made a second voyage for me, he " came to seek and to save that which was lost." 2do, What love and mercy was in this, that when through sense of deadness, spiritual wilderness-wants, fierce tentations, and great darkness, I was ready to go back unto Egypt, or to faint in the way, that he should have given me water out of the rock, and should by visitations have upholden my spirit, and by these encouraged me, and kept in my dying life, training me on piece and piece ? 3tio, But Oh! what shall I think of his continued mercy, his being over with me ? Though I was wild, weak, nnd unworthv, and sin-
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fill, and ever destroying myself; yet all my steps were guided by him, he was ever with me, pitying me, ever sparing me, ever re- lieving in my extremity, and preventing my utter ruin ; so that all this time he was with me in love, long-suffering, pity, and good- ness, when I could not shift for myself at all. How long did I " stay in the place of the breaking forth of childi'en," and was no way profitable to him at all, doing no good in the world, and through unbelief constructing all to the worst ? Yet was he still with me, and never left me until he had brought me unto a " Rock higher than I." Oh what unwearied pains and cost was he at ! Oh shall I ever forget his condescendency ! I thought ill that mine evils came through mine own default. For though I should turn dead and God had left me, if I had then been on my watch- tower I would not care ; but the Lord would have my restoration of free grace from himself. Readily then I would say, it was my Avaiting, and watching, and diligence, that did recover me ; Oh not ! but when sinful, when asleep, when given over, he would come, that it might appear, " not for your sakes do I this, but for my name's sake." There was not only Avisdom, power, and pity, but likewise a coming over my sins, and great mercy ; and now I think it no worse, and no less comfortable, that my mercies had his name engraven on them, even his grace, though there be not such ground for boasting. I was indeed the bush burning, and not consumed. Lord, " What is man, that thou lookest on him, and visitest him every morning?" Job vii. 17, 18.
§ 4. 1 remember, when I came to Edinburgh first, and not hav- ing room to pray, and likewise overcome with discouragements, not seeing an end of my labours, I began to faint and weary ; and the Lord let me alone for a while, and I grew worse and worse. Until one Sabbath-day I went to hear an able minister, and much cried up ; but there was such a throng that I could not get him heard, nor to any other church in the tOAvn; only I stumbled at last in the English church which was then in the town, with no great hope to get any good. The minister preached on these words, " A bruised reed Avill he not break." What shall I say ?
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The Lord assisted him with such power, and he spoke so season- ably to me, that I was again revived and set in the way, and re- solved to hold on till I should find the Lord ; yea, it was then that I had some thoughts that I was converted, and some of my ordi- nary objections were answered.
§ 5. I began again to faint and depart, because I thought never one was in my condition. And, being in a conference with a godly man, he told me the history of his conversion, and what brave days he had seen, and how that nothing now was but deadness, carnal- ity, and unbelief. This had such influence, that again my heart was lifted up in the ways of the Lord, and that I was not singular, but my case was common, and therefore resolved to seek the Lord. And at the same time I got in my hands a piece of Mr Shepherd's I had never seen before, which the Lord blessing, after some con- sideration I resolved once more to assault the city, and to beseech God more earnestly than ever I had done before, Avhich I was helped in some measure to do, and found the profit of it.
§ 6. A while after, fainting and giving over, I read on Mr Shep- herd's " Sound Believer" concerning soul humiliation, where he speaks to this purpose : " One way by which the Lord Jesus (saith he) in the day of his power doth humble a poor sinner is, by letting him see the wildness of his own heart and duties ; whereby the sold thinks, can these that are so wild save me ? And then (saith he) the soul thinks, though for the present I be not well, yet hopes it shall do better in process of time, and thereupon falls to afresh ; but Christ loads and wearies the soul with duties ; and, after all its labour, the sovd findeth itself worse than before. And hei*e again the soul falleth down, finding itself to row against both wind and tide." Well, (quoth I,) this is like me, and this is it which God is doing with me. But, alas ! my heart is hard, and I never felt conviction and compunction yet ; how can I be come to humiliation then ? Well, I read further, until he brings the hum- bled soul to speak thus : " Oh miserable wretch that I am ! never worse than now. Once I could mourn, and pray, and sorrow, and never well but when out of one duty into another ; but now a dead.
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blind, hard heart seizeth upon me, so as I can get nothing done." Here I stopt, and said, Then blessed be the Lord, that hath not let me alone, but given me so much light as to discern my way, and where I am. And is God indeed humbling me, and preparing me for Christ ? I see that God hath left me to my deadness, that the sense thereof might draw me to Christ ; for, as the same author saith, " More are drawn to Christ under the sense of a dead blind heart, than by all sorrows, humiliations, and terrors." I trust God, that hath begun the work, will finish it. I was wonder- fully strengthened by this ; it is good to be in God's hands, how- soever matters be. With these and the like was my spirit kept up in this wilderness.
§ 7. I have been searching into the Lord's ends in this to me, and am never more satisfied than when I conclude them to be : — Imo, That I might know all the evil in my heart, my weakness and sinfulness, that thereby I might be humbled, who have so often departed, and whose whole life was a grieving of God, Deut. viii. 2 ; 2 Chron. xxxii. 31 ; John ii. 25. 2do, That I might thereby be made acquaint with the methods and way of conversion, with which, through my hasty incoming, I was not so well acquaint. God did now, as it were, act over again conversion ; he convinced me, not only of actual sins, but of heart-sins and heart-plagues, and of that fountain-sin of nature which continually departed from God, and fiercely resisted him in all his ways ; he convinced me that I could not help myself, and that neither prayers nor means could help me ; that I could neither buy nor conquer heaven. He wearied me with duties and enlargements, and in the greatness of my way, and loaded me with the multitude of my counsels and inventions. At last he humbled me, and calmed me, and made me believe. So that I think the Lord designed to acquaint me with the method of conversion, that I might be the more enabled to edify others. Acts v. 32, being myself a witness, and not heard it only, but also felt and seen, that I might speak to this purpose,
1 John i. 1 ; Psal. xxxiv. 4, 6, 11. " Not ignorant of his devices,"
2 Cor. ii. 11. 3tio, That God might do me much good in the end,
VOL. II. K
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of which I had promise given me, and rationally and seasonably borne in upon my spirit, from Deut. viii. 16, in one of my dolorous hours, Heb. xii. 11; Jer. xxv. 4. I indeed expect much good from all this preparation and hard beginning. 4to, I look upon this as the only way to preserve me from backsliding. By these means, and by emptying me from vessel to vessel, came it to pass that mine eyes were kept waking, and from settling on my lees ; for I might perceive by Scripture, and sad experience, that many were full of their own enlargements and graces, and so fixed as they thought they had no more ado, and, therefore, like that rich man, Luke xii., said, " Soul, take thy rest, thou hast enough for many days." The foolish virgins thought their great business was done ; by which means being, as they supposed, past all danger, they slumbered and slept, and through sloth lost all ; and, being settled on their lees, lost all, and backslid ed and apostatised miser- ably, and lost all life. But the Lord kept mine eyes waking, and gave me still my hands full ado ; and, when I would seek rest, the Lord, by a new^ storm, would awaken me again ; when discouraged through fears, temptations, desertions, and sins, and so like to give over because no hope, then would the Lord revive ; and when I would say, " It is good to be here, let us make tabernacles," then a cloud would come ; so as, by lifting up, and casting down, I was daily kept in exercise, depending, praying, and fighting, Judges iii. 1 ; Psal. Ixxiii. 3, 4, 5, 14 ; Jer. xlviii. 11 ; Psal. Iv. 19 ; Job vii. 18. 5to, To manifest to me, and to give me experience of his love, condescendency, and constancy, who in all my ways was with me, and that has never left me until he had his work wrought in me, that preserved me in this great wilderness, that did bear Avith my manners there, that supplied me continually in my extremities, Deut. viii. 5. 6to, To beat me out of my self-righteousness, wor- thiness, and sense, that thereby I might be fastened on the " Rock higher than I," that finding no rest for the sole of my foot by duties and enlargements, but they decaying under me, I might seek rest where it might be found, Mat. xi. 28, that, these sandy founda- tions being razed, I might build on that which will endm*e for
REV. JAMES ERASER. 14T
ever, and thereby stand out all storms ; for these good moods I was in could not comfort me or uphold me when my conscience was distressed, nor yet could they maintain themselves, but still de- cayed. And, therefore, this not being my rest, I was to seek it another way, Jer. 1. 6, and that I might know man's life is not upholden by means as by the Lord, in or without them : " Man liveth not by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." For this is natural to us, to depend upon what our eyes see, and not to look to him who is invisible, who indeed is " aU in all." Now, the insufficiency of duties and self- righteousness did appear by these things : 1st, I never had full peace by them in their best, nor could they answer all accusations ; some bone was still sticking. 2dly, They could not give full satis- faction nor contentment ; something was wanting ; they were bread which satisfied not. 3dly, The roots of sin did not appear to be taken away, and there was but little advantage gotten against corruption, it appeared still in its strength ; and but very indiscernible growth in grace. 4thly, It could not hold out in temptations ; but whenever there came a storm I was dung on my back, giving all hopes over. 5thly, When deadness came, there was no substance in what I met with to quicken me, as I now find in the promises, and flesh and blood of Jesus Christ. 6thly, They could not last, but perished when I was revived ; and, therefore, finding this, and that I but spent my strength in vain for " bread that profiteth not," I was made dead to them, and had no comfort in them or from them, but in so far as they were appearances of Christ's coming, and did prognosticate that he was not far away ; and therefore looked up for that bread which endureth for ever. Surely this is not my rest ; I wanted security, satisfaction, and strength in aU these things. The 6th end was, To break my pride and stubbornness, which did not kyth so much in good thoughts of myself, (for I saw I was empty,) but in this, in liking to save myself by my own strength, and means, and way. For when I was beat out of all this, I thought that if 1 would wait, and not depart wickedly from God, I should herein have peace ; and, upon
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this, projected to myself certain rules by which to walk. This I put no question to do and keep, and was confident enough, and would have no other way but this, because this was my own choosing, and that with a secret end of exalting myself, and getting a name before God of a righteous person. But God seeing me, " set my heart as the heart of God," Ezek. xxviii. 2, and abhorring the pride thereof, did resist me continually ; and what by deser- tions, what by temptations, did so order it, as I was unable to keep my resolutions, his counsel standing, and my resolutions falling ; and, " in the thing wherein I dealt proudly, he was above me," I fell many times, nay, almost every time, through unwatchfulness ; and this made me murmur and grieve more that my purposes were broken, and the building I had framed, like the spider's web, hurled down, than that God was dishonoured. Prov. xix. 3, My foolishness perverted my way, and my heart fretted against the Lord, and likewise fretted that, the case being so, he should punish. I gave no glory to God, who had " power over these plagues," Rev. xvi. 9. And, notwithstanding I fell, yet, like Tyrus, I would say, " I was God," to him before whom I fell, Ezek. xxviii. 2, and would ever be trying to establish my own righteousness, not acknoAvledging mine own insufficiency, nor acknowledging that it is God that doth what He wills, and that none saith and it cometh to pass but God. And God, by his Providences, did prove this, and made me like an ox eat grass ; yet would I not be convinced that the Most High ruleth, and it is yet a part of my exercise to get quit of this spirit, Ezek. xxviii. 6, 9 ; Dan. iv. 25, 27 ; Exod. xviii. 11. And therefore it came to pass, that the Lord did con- stantly crush me in my will and resolutions. And, when he was pleased to show mercy, it was neither in the time, way, or manner when I either resolved to have it, or expected or desired ; and all this to let me know that the Most High directeth the ways of man, and that grace is a man's best charter, and to bow and break this will to submit to God in aU dispensations, and to be carried to my journey's end what way soever he pleased, though through
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mire and dirt, Ezek. xx. 32, " That which cometh in your thoughts shall not at all be."
§ 8. From which I observe this : Imo, That folk may contract by backsliding what they will not in a very long time recover again, and the dregs of it may remain after they are indeed begun to return to the Lord ; it is not easy to twin with sin, Joshua xxii. 17. The iniquity of Baal-peor, though long since contracted, and much cost Avared on it, yet [is} not purged away until this day. The security and indispositions I then contracted I am not free from yet. 2do, A man's whole life is but a conversion ; and the Lord, after every kind of backsliding, draws after the same way as at the first conversion, yea, and deals so with them as they may seem never to have been converted before, Mat. xviii. 3. Yea, I found a more distinct preparatory work after my first drawing than ever before. For the Lord did things in a clap at first, and in a very little time did let me see that I was undone,^ that I was not con- verted, nor could convert myself; and the insufficiency of duties, and an unconverted condition, with God's wrath, had some impres- sions on my spirit. And then the Lord revealed Christ unto me, on whom I believed, and with whom I closed. But now the Lord did draw me very clearly, and did insist in every step so, as that all the knowledge I have of the work of preparations, I have it from what I met with after I knew Christ, more than from what I met with at first. 3tio, The strongest, last, and bitterest enemy the Lord hath, and which he abhorreth most, is spiritual pride ; against this he setteth himself mainly ; I mean, the vain-glorious confidence folk have in their own strength, and to be saved by their own righteousness, and to have their own wills fulfilled. It is hard to get our high conceits down, and it is hard to get the will broken to be submissive to the Lord's will in all dispensations, and it is hard to get folk to glorify God, and make use of his righteousness, Ezek. xxviii. 9 ; IVov. xix. 3. It is easy to let a man see he is not converted, that he cannot save himself; but it is hard persuading him that he can do nothing, not so much as to be thankful for the least mercy. Ye will not persuade him to live.
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and live only in, to, and by another, and submit himself, his will, in all things, to God ; and with a holy contentedness to submit to have his resolutions broken, and God glorified ; and contented and satisfied in this, that the counsel of the Lord hath taken effect. 4to, It is the frequency and constancy of God's waterings that doth good, rather than any measure of a particular fit or visitation ; and from this more love may be gathered, John xv. 7, " If my words abide in you." " He that endureth to the end shall be saved." Balaam had a strange fit. These waterings, through their frequency and constancy, in process of time did good, did sanctify, did humble, did make me delight in duty, and draw to God, and from the world. " Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi, sed soepe cadendo." Hosea iii. 3, " Thou shalt abide for me many days." And that which cometh by degrees hath most last. 5to, Unwatch- fulness is a constant and only evil, prejudicial to a progress in grace, Mat. xxvi. 41. 6to, " Man liveth not by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." I owe any thing that was wrought in me to his grace and goodness, and not to my own resolutions, nor to any means whatsomever. " O people, saved by the Lord!" I did by many experiences find a horse a vain help. 7mo, Folk, in returning to God, are drawn by degrees, by httle and little, and not all at once. As first, to put in their heart to seek God, then a remissness, then a turning more serious, then to find more sweetness in the Lord and his ways. " By little and little will I drive them out." And, therefore, folk may be converted, though they remember not of any special day, that might be as a time to pass reckoning upon ; do as ye may, and be drawn according to God's will, who " leads the blind in a way that they know not." 8vo, The way to heaven is a tedious, wearisome, narrow, and strait gate, even a terrible and great wil- derness, Deut. viii. 15, that heaven may be the sweeter when it comes. Oh how much need of patience is there ! and what thank- fulness owe we, when we come to any place where there are foun- tains of water ! Let us not think strange if thus we find it. 9no, There is not, possibly, in some, so much sensible joy as at their first
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conversion, of which many reasons may be given ; no such singing as when brought out of Egypt ; the fatted calf is slain at first, Luke XV. 23. The gold and prize is seen at the break of the race, and at the race's end ; folk have most need of it then. They were not sent to the war the first year. lOmo, All must be in some measure humbled ere they get any good ; meekened and made silent before, and submissive to God, Lev. xxvi. 41. llmo, All exercises as to circumstances are not alike in Christians ; one Christian's pace is not a method or a rule for another. 12mo, There may be a wearying and loading, and real humiHation, though there be no terrors on the soul. 13tio, Sense of a dead hard heart is an effectual means to draw to Christ, yea, and more effectual than any other can be, because " dead, miserable, and naked," Rev. iii . 18. 14to, God is ever carrying on his work in a soid, or in a kingdom, though we do not always perceive it : for he carries it on insensibly ; the seed grows, and thou knowest not how ; he hath his way in the storms : "I girded thee with strength, though thou knewest not." Yea, when we think he is standing still, or going backward, yet he is going forwards. 15to, Hope is the first step of recovery, and all the sorrows of the elect have hope in them ; tlierefore, let every one labour to settle this well, Ezra x. 2, " There is hope, therefore let us turn." 16to, The beginnings of grace are very small, poor, and unpromising, like a grain of mustard seed. Mat. xiii. 31 ; Ezek. xlvii. 3, 4, 5.
SECTION iir.
How I was drawn to God, and made to close tcith him hy faith.
For any thing I could learn of myself, or discern, I had the seeds of grace and faith before this time ; but yet I lived more by sense than any other way, and therefore I fell and rose as sense was up or down, and so never came to any settlement, like a wave tossed up and down. And so the Lord, intending to settle me, did beat me from sense, and made me learn a more excellent way,
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even to live by faith. I knew there was a rest, whereof I knew little ; only I thought it was an estate of constant joy and life, wherein the Spirit would evermore triumph against the flesh, and wherein all actings would be pure and cleanly. And thus, like the Jews and discii)les, I dreamed of a heaven on earth, though not ot an earthly kingdom. But that which was indeed my rest, to which he that believeth hath entered in, I never so much as dreamed of it : for I thought faith was some extraordinary i-apture, and seeing of Christ with great fulgor and glory ; this I thought to be faith, or the ground of it. But the Lord came in the " calm voice," and Christ grew "like a tender plant out of a dry ground," Luke xvii. 20 ; Zech. iv,. 6. And, indeed, the foundation of this second temple was far less glorious in appearance than the first. Oh how was I mistaken ! It was less in my thoughts, that such a dead, blind, carnal, sinful soul should be called to beUeve and depend most confidently on Christ, and that without any sign from heaven, but upon the bare warrant of his word in Scripture. The way and manner whereof, as I remember, I shall set down ; Avliich A^as the tenth and last step of my recovery.
§ 1. Finding, therefore, no rest in my exercise of self-resignation for the causes above and formerly expressed, I began to be very sorrowful and disconsolate, and, like Pharaoh's chariots, to drive on heavily. I continued waiting in the means ; and one day, as I was reading in my ordinary, I read these M^ords in Hag. ii. 17, " I smote you in all the labour of your hands, yet ye turned not to me, saith the Lord." I applied this spiritually ; that is, thought I, God hath smitten me in aU my labours, duties, resolutions, and vows, and for all this I turned not to God ; but wherein am I not turned ? Wherein shall I return ? How so ? Have I not left my sins, mourned, prayed, read, and meditated ? What remains yet to be done? What duty or mean do I slight? What pains in my power have I Avithholden? I therefore cast mine eyes upon all duties ; and, while I was thus searching, some blessed motion was suggested to me. That I had aU my lifetime shghted the duty of believing, and had not turned to God by faith; and, therefore,
\
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until this thou do, God will ever continue in smiting thee in all the labours of thy hand, for "without faith, it is impossible to please God." And it hath been the want of this, and this only, that hath blasted thee in all thine endeavom's. Faith, quoth I, astonished, what is tliis? What, me believe, that am so wUd, so unprepared, so dead, so little pi*izing of Christ ! It cannot be ; Lord, now keep from a delusion. Yes, Faith, of which so much is spoken in Scripture, of which thou knowest so little, that is the main grace, said the Spirit. These things made me some way apprehensive of the matter.
§ 2. I, therefore, in the second place, was made to consider the matter, and I found that faith had a great place in religion ; and withal, looking to myself, I found that I had very little practised it, and was as great a stranger to it as these disciples. Acts xLx. 1, 2, were to the knowledge of the Holy Ghost. I knew not what it was, nor had formerly exercised it, or distinctly and expressly heard of it, nay, knew not that it was my duty ; for this ill principle re- mained with me, viz., I believed that none should believe but per- sons so and so qualified, and that the ground thereof was some sensible manifestation of glory, which until I could find, I thought I was to lie in my prison and mourn, John xvi. 9.
§ 3. The Lord did convince me fully that I should believe, and that it was the duty of every one. For, as I said before, I thought that only persons so and so qualified were bound to believe ; but the mercifid Lord himself did unloose this knot, by calling me to him, convincing me that it was my duty so to do ; and thereby the chains wherewith Satan had for a long time bound me, and kept me from the distinct exercise and life of faith, were broken. And that which is wondei-ful is, — I heard it an hundred times pressed in sermons to believe, and yet until that day was never persuaded it was my duty to believe, nor never minded that exercise at aU. The grounds whereby I w^as then persuaded to believe, or that believing was my duty, yea, and that all were bound to believe, which was the first point, were these ; 1st, That Scripture, 1 John iii. 23, " This is his commandment, that ye believe on the name of the Son of God."
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Then it is commanded, concluded I; and why is it not duty? Nay, is it not the great command ? Dost thou question that prayer is thy duty ? Truly it is thy duty, because commanded. Then faith, or receiving of Christ, being commanded likewise, it is thy duty as well as prayer. 2dly, Wicked unregenerate men are commanded to believe; and it is the great duty, more acceptable and well pleasing to God than any thou canst perform, John vi. 28, " What is the work of God, that we should work it ?" The answer, verse 29th, was very contrary to their expectations and thoughts, "This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent ; " this is the first, the great command, and a command tying grace- less persons such as were the Jews. 3dly, That Scripture was brought to my mind, Rom. iv. 20, Abraham, " by believing, glori- fied God," compared with Num. xx. 12, " Because ye believed not, to sanctify my name before this people, therefore ye shall not bring this people into the land promised." Now, seeing believing glori- fies God, thou art bound unto it ; for every man is bound to glorify God. Who questions this ? Now, believing glorifies God, in ac- knowledging his power, goodness, and rich grace. 4thly, The Spirit urged this argument, the wicked are punished for not believing, therefore it is their duty to believe. See Psal. Ixxviii. 32, 33, "He consumed their days in vanity, because they believed not on him ;" and so shall he do with thee if thou do not believe. 5thly, This was confirmed to me by the first Scripture, and by the language of some providences. What else could I call my continual disap- pointments, and fruitless labotirs, but a call to me to try what this might do ? My days were consumed, and therefore by my stroke I might read my sin.
§ 4. The Lord having by these persuaded and convinced me that it was my duty to believe, and rolled this stone away from the se- pulchre ; he proceeded next to answer my manifold objections, which then did begin to swarm and keep me from believing. The main were, 1st, I cannot believe ; and, therefore, why am I called to believe ? It is the gift of God, and why should I hammer out a faith of my own bowels ? This will not be accepted. It was
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answered, the Lord, by thus drawing and inviting thee, gives thee power to come, as it was when he called on dead Lazarus to live and come forth. And besides, thou canst not sanctify a Sabbath? nor pray ; yet it is thy duty, and thou goest about it as thou canst. So do here. Yea, to the wearied and loadened, and called thus, it is not impossible. A 2d objection was, I fear I may presume. It was answered, to believe, in obedience to a command, is no pre- sumption. When thou receivest Christ, and in this act believest on and restest in him for pardon, this being obedience cannot be pre- sumption, for it is no presumption to obey God ; to believe uncalled is presumption or unwarrantable. Objection 3d, I am not enough humbled, my heart is dead and hard, and 1 am altogether insensible of my condition ; and, therefore, how can 1 be called to believe ? for it is the " weary and heavy ladened " that are called to come. It was answered, it may be so, but this gives no right to come ; it is the call and command of God, and gospel-offers, which give a right, and not any qualification. And besides, I read in Mr Gray at the same time, that those that are wearied and loadened are rather those that will come, than those that ought to come. Thou art miserable, and naked, and wild ; all is true. But how can it be otherwise, when thou hast lived at such a distance with Christ who is the fountain of life ? If thou wouldst believe, he would give tliee what thou wantest ; there is no other way of receiving life but by coming to him, John v. 40. Objection 4th, But I cannot prize Christ, nor am I prepared. It was answered, that as faith fetches all from him, so fetches it prizing of him too ; for if faith fetches ail from Christ, then it brings nothing to Christ but deadness, blind- ness, and sinfulness. Come to him for grace to prize him ; if thou once wouldst believe, then Christ would be precious to thee, 1 Pet. ii. 7. Emptiness is the best qualification ; " The hungry he filleth vnth good things, but the rich he sendeth away empty." There is no more required than what makes thee be willing to accept him ; if, therefore, thou be willing to accept Christ, thou prizest him suf- ficiently, and art sufficiently prepared. Objection 5th, Thou findest no glorious power drawing thee. It was answered, yet I find the
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Lord in his word really calling me, and this is as sufficient a ground to thee as though he came personally and visibly here and desired this of thee ; and, therefore, do now what thou wouldst do then. His word is the "more sure word of prophecy," surer than the voice that came down from heaven. Objection 6th, But I find no good after I believe. It was answered, no more do saints at first, Hos. vi. 2, " After two days will he come and revive us." It is not by coming to him, but by " abiding in him," that fruit is brought forth. I confess, by the answering of these objections, and by other arguments, the Lord did sensibly and seasonably, and with a strong hand, convince me that it was my duty to believe. Oh Avill he take such a vile worm as I ! Yes, he will ; for thou art the fittest per- son in the world for him to glorify his grace on. The Lord did incessantly follow me with these thoughts, yea, I found a sensible power dealing with me.
§ 5. The Lord did not only draw me to conclude that believing was my duty, and answered my objections ; but by other arguments persuaded me to go about this duty of believing on and closing with Christ. The main motives were, 1st, Dost thou not see how earnest God is with thee ? He commands, invites, threatens thee; hath at last opened thy blind eyes to let thee see thy duty, loosed all thy objections, and hath now this long time waited on thee. Oh ! open at last, and yield to his importunity. Rev. iii. 20. 2dly, Know it, if thou wilt not answer, and quickly answer, God will away and leave thee, and there will be no more knocking, but all this work shall die, and thou shalt never be converted, Prov. i. 24— 33. odly. There is nothing more pleasing to God than believing. Behold how the angels are expecting and wishing in their hearts that now there may be a match made, Luke xv. 7, and ii. 13. This will please the Lord for all the ills that thou hast done him ; no- thing thou canst do can be so pleasing to him ; for this is the end of all dispensations, and the great command. Now, make amends for all ye have done, John vi. 28. 4thly, Consider the duty itself; it is the giving of thy heart to Christ, and receiving of him, and believing in him. Hath he been at such pains, and taken thy rotten
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righteousness away, and now comes and offers himself to thee, be- seeches thee to love him, looses all thy objections ? Oh! slight not this great salvation. Slight any duty, but trample not on love ; love for love is the least that can be given, Heb. ii. 3. 5thly, " Without faith, it is impossible to please God." Pray, suffer, and do what thou wilt, all is abomination if not in faith ; I care for nothing if this be wanting, saith the Lord, Heb. xi. 6. 6thly, The sorest punishments are abiding unbelief; and, therefore, if thou re- fuse this offer, all thy sins that ever thou didst, thy blasphemy. Sab- bath-breaking, &c., will be but as flea-bites to this. Acts xiii. 41. It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah than for thee. Better never have prayed, but lived a profane Atheist, than come this length and stick ; God will go away shortly, and thou shalt wander and decay, and one to a hundred but thou sin that sin against the Holy Ghost, Heb. vi. 6, for never wast thou indeed enlightened till now ; and noAv refuse, and let this heat cool, and thou mayest be hardened. 7tldy, Consider, if Christ were now in thy chamber, and were bidding and entreating thee with tears in his eyes to receive him, and offering himself to thee, and saying to thee, O thou wretchedest of sinners, by aU these sorrows I endured for thee, I adjm'e thee grieve me no more with thine unbelief, but receive me and my offers, and so glorify my grace. Wouldst thou not do it, and wonder at this love ? Oh Christ doth it as really now, Rom. x. 8, " The word is near thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart." 8thly, Consider what thou shalt have by this. Thou shalt get Hfe, light, rest, and consolation ; and that which in vain thou hast been seeking by thy own righteousness, thou shalt by faith get, nay, be able to work impossible things ; thy dead heart shall live, thy blind eyes shall see him, thy lame hands and feet shall leap and work, and by this way only shalt thou have peace. With these and the like arguments did the Lord court my soid to himself. § 6. The Lord did by suitable providences back the call of his word upon my spirit ; for on a day of private humiliation it was my ordinary to read Heb. xi. and Fu'st Epistle of Petei", where so much is spoken of faith. The Lord likewise made Shepherd's " Sound
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Believer" useful to me, which till now I perceived I never under- stood ; then all Scriptures concerning faith, and treatises speaking thereof, and meditations of it, were sweet, which now I began some- thing to understand. I was now come as it were to a new world, and there was such a stir upon my spirit as I never found the like before. Fain would I believe, but, ah, I coidd not ! I found a spirit of resistance, there was a blindness upon my eyes ; I knew not what behoving was, nor on whom. On the one hand, the Lord by his commands, motives, earnest and real invitations, promises, and answering objections, yea, and terrible threatenings in case of unbehef, hastening me and pushing me forward, and that speedily ; for all doors were shut but this of faith. For I could neither pray nor do anything, in respect of the sinfulness of it without faith, and therefore this behoved to be my first work. On the other hand ignorance of Christ, and of the duty of believing, and fear of pre- sumption, and believing on my own strength, did toss me like a ball ; I knew not what to do, but like a weak child stuck in the birth. Oh, said I, how can I beheve ! " Lord, help my unbelief," and pity me, thou that hast been with me so wonderfully through the great and terrible wilderness, and brought me even to the bor- ders of the good land ; Oh help here ! Sometimes I woidd tliink it were better I had never come this length. My greatest objection was, that I did not see the glory of Christ ; and though I should beheve, yet without this it would not be an effectual behoving, and so would prove but a dead faith ; and likewise, I knew not what faith was. Well, said the Lord, do but rely on Christ for life and affection with some confidence that he will help thee, and I seek no more. In this and to this I found some strength, and then I endeavoured it, and said, behold, I come to thee. Lord ; do not thou cast me off. But the Loi*d said, come not only to see what Christ will do with thee, but likewise rest upon and believe fi'om his good- ness, that he will do all that thou standest in need of. Well, then, answered my heart, since it is so, I will take my hazard, and on thee I cast myself, come of it what will. And verily that which seemed in my most serious exercise to be the notion of faith by
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which I closed with Christ was, a certain kind of persuasion and rest in it, that I had, the Lord would do me good, and help me in all things. And the great thing that was pressed upon me was, not to doubt of Christ, especially his good-will ; in which in some measure I rested.
§ 7. I was afterward more confirmed in this ; for in this case I continued for fourteen days much after one way, still looking for some great thing, but found nothing. And then a new objection came in, which was this, though it was my duty to believe, yet, if I had really believed, there would something have followed ; but Oh ! I find nothing after my closing. Surely I have laid my pipes short of the fountain ; I am as blind, as dead, as unholy as ever. I will to my prison again, tiU Christ himself come and redeem me with a strong hand ; for it seems I have come forth without a war- rant, and so I became discouraged, and did pull up the roots and razed the foundations again. But the Lord trysted me voth a suitable word from Mr Shepherd to this objection, showing that a soul may come to Christ, and yet at first find nothing ; and then, saith he, the same reason (viz., emptiness) that moved thee to come, the same should make thee stay with Christ ; and it is usual with the Lord's people to get nothing at first, Hos. vi. 1, "Let us return unto the Lord, for he will heal us." Oh, say they, we got nothing, we find no heahng or life. No, saith he, though the first day ye get nothing, nor yet the next, yet " after two days he will revive us, and the third day we will stand up in his sight." This cured the wound something ; but the fresh apprehensions of pre- sumption and catching hold on a lie, with the sense of unworthiness, and believing in my own strength, did, Uke a violent storm, raze all foundations, so as through pettishness, fear, unbelief, and impa- tience, I said, I will to my prison again, I will pluck up my anchor again ; and therefore resolved I would make a doleful and heavy complaint to God. But, when I was going to my knees, ere ever I had spoken a word to the Lord, it was suggested to me thus : Dost thou think, seeing thou rejectest my Son, and wilt not trust in him, that ever thy peeping or sorrows will be accepted by me ?
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Is not every thing that is not done in faith abomination ? Thou mayest well think by prayer to offend God more, but never think that the Lord henceforth will do any thing for thee, seeing there is no faith ; for God hears no prayers but in Christ. I saw by this a necessity of believing, and doing what I could. Well, said I, O Lord, since it is so, that I must of necessity beheve, against sense and reason, and as I can, I do llppen^ my soul to thee, and trust thou wilt save me from all my sins ; and though this be coimted presumption, yet I will trust in him. And was much strengthened herein from Job xiii. 15, " Though he slay me, yet will I tiiist in him ; " though all things seem to cry despair and die, and though for my presumption he should kill me, yet I will trust in him ; and now. Lord, since I have sealed this bargain, and closed with thee, send strength, not for any thing in me, but because now I am thy servant, that I may honour thee my master.
§ 8. I had no sooner spoken these words, but the Lord revealed himself and his love, by the evidence of my sincerity in that peti- tion, wherein I perceived, that, laying aside mine own cause, I sought grace to honour him ; and by this seal of the Spirit I became assured with joy and peace. I am not selfish, said I, in seeking grace ; I seek it for Chiist's ends, to honour him ; therefoi'e I have been sincere, and helped to believe. Then were my eyes opened to see love in all dispensations. Oh this was a heart-ravishing con- sideration ! The Lord, that followed me many a weary day, never rested till he had completed his work with me, and till he had en- gaged me to believe. Oh the love of Christ ! If Christ had no power to help a poor sinner, but had love, he would even die over it, such is his love.
§ 9. I was thinking whether this was but a common work, or was it special saving grace ? and I am induced to beheve and to think it a saving sincere faith, by these grounds ; 1st, It was a faith wrought by the Lord himself, though small and weak ; it was a faith of the operation of God, Eph. i. 19, 20, and ii. 8 ; Col. ii. 12. It was not of my own making and devising ; and I shall not tlunk
^ Venture, trust.
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that a presumption which he warranted me to do, and which I did in obedience to his command, nor that a delusion which his Spirit wrought. 2dly, It was grounded on the word, not on sense ; on the word of his command, Eph. ii. 20, and it is no presumption t<j believe what he commands. 3dly, It "purified the heart," and made me prize and desire grace, and made me desire that mainly for Christ's ends, to honour him, Eph. i. 13 ; Acts xv. 9 ; 1 John iii. 3. 4thly, It filled me with "joy and peace," Eom. v. 2, 3, 4 ; 1 Pet. i. 8, so as I was satisfied with my condition, and went about the fields singing songs of triumph over Satan. Oh, said I, did I ever see this day, or expect to see it ? 5thly, I was fitted and pre- pared for it; for it was after much humiliation, burdening, and wearying. Mat. xi. 28. 6thly, It strengthened me ; for I cried out, what shall I now do for the Lord, who hath heard my sorrows and afflictions? This "joy of the Lord was my strength," Neh. viii. 10; Prov. xvii. 22. 7thly, It made the Lord Jesus precious; I was made to see a glory, an excellency, and loveliness in him. And it is a token of a sound faith that exalts Christ, 1 Pet. ii. 7. 8thly, I was made to resolve to pay my vows which I made in afflictions and straits, once when at the college under convictions, and another time in confirmation of this when in the wilderness, which was this — that if the Lord woidd deliver me out of that condition in which I was, and give me assurance of his love, and acquaint me in some measm'e with the ways of God and Christian exercises, especially faith and patience, that thereby I might better inform others, and that before I was twenty-five years of age, that then, if I were in the kingdom, I should serve him in the ministry. The Lord heard me, so as I thought I was bound. Then did I set myself wholly to serve the Lord. And in this frame I continued for a week, though not in that ecstacy of joy, yet in that peace and tranquillity of mind ; my heart, being stayed by faith, was kept in perfect peace, which, through my dying, vanishing frame of spirit, it could never be.
§ 10. Yet notwithstanding, this faith had many cracks in it, and many defects, which encouraged Satan to make an assault, which he made thereafter. It had these imperfections ; 3 st, Less disco- VOL. II. L
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vered of the power of God in making me close with the promise, than in discovering my duty, and inclining me to believe. There was much of this faith wrought by my own power, which made Sa- tan brangle it upon this very head. 2dly, I secretly rested, after I believed, in the act of faith rather than in the object of faith, and drew comfort from this more than from the object — Christ holden out in the gospel. 3dly, I was more convinced that believing was my duty, than I vmderstood what believing was ; the equity of be- lieving appeared, but not the rationahty. I was not so convinced of the grounds of believing ; and therefore was I confused, and utterly at a loss what to beheve. For generals coidd not be a ground of particidar application, without which I coidd not have peace. Nor had I peace in the bare hopes that Christ would save me, because faith and hope appear to me to be different. 4thly, And the ground of all this was, though the gos^^el revealed to me my duty formally and clearly, yet not the object of faith, the cove- nant of grace giving Christ himself; of whom, though I had some knowledge as of one able to save me, and who only was my upmak- ing, yet at this time I knew him not so distinctly in his offices and offers, nor in the grounds he gave of believing, till afterwards ; nor was I so acquaint with the nature of absolute promises, and their reach, till afterwards. Stldy, I looked too much for something from Christ's life and resurrection, and did not so expressly and distinctly (though I did really) close for himself. 6thly, I closed for spmtual benefits, but not for temporal benefits. 7thly, I limited the Holy One of Israel ; for I made but use of faith for a time, until it should convey sense of life and consolation. And this I expected imme- diately, or shortly after I had believed ; and that, when that sense came, there would never be a change again, and no use made of faith, but fair days from henceforth. I did not lay my account to wait all the days of my appointed time ; and, therefore, not laying my account with trouble and long desertions, the storm that there- after blew overthrew me.
§ 11. The end of which dispensation, I think, was to acquaint me more distinctly and clearly with the method of effectual calling.
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which formerly I had not so clearly known. 2dly, To learn me to live the life of faith, and to wean me from sense. 3dly, To acquaint me with his love, and to manifest and give proof thereof to me. Which appeared clearly in this work ; for when I was not dream- ing of faith, when all that ever I heard could not clear me what it was, nor suspected such a duty, and when multiplied objections were in my way, Oh how clearly did he loose them ! How strongly, how lovingly, how incessantly, how patiently, how condescendingly to my weakness, how earnestly and strongly did he draw ! And, lest I should doubt that he was well pleased with what I had done, he sealed it with the budding forth of sanctification, with joy and assurance. But in nothing am I more assured that this was true faith, than by the Lord's constant preserving it, notwithstanding of all tentations : " When I was young he loved me, and led me by the arms, teaching me to go," Hos. xi. 1, 3, and in this he appeared the main doer. 4tlily, His end was to bring me to rest, which is by faith : not to a rest from labour or work, nor a rest from tenta- tions, afflictions, and soiTows, and wanderings now and then, but to a rest of security and settlement from fears. For, till the soid close with Christ, it never hath any ground of security or peace ; then hath a man strength to perfonn duties, a balm against the sting of sin in the conscience, an undoubted evident and security for heaven, an undoubted strength to flee to in all extremities ; it is now not like a wave in the sea, tossed to and fro, but it is fixed and centred. § 12. From this I observe, 1st, That, ere ever a soul can believe, he must be called of God ; for else no man would, could, or should come, Eom. viii. 30 ; 1 Cor. i. 2 ; Jer. iii. 22. 2dly, That the im- mediate end of effectual caUing is to receive Christ by faith, or to believe in, and rest on him for all things, John vi. 28, 29 ; Mat. xxii. 3 ; Isa. Iv. 1. For though the saints be said to be called to heaven, to peace, to be holy ; yet is not this the immediate end of effectual calling, but, as I said, to receive Jesus Christ, and all things, freely offered in the gospel. 3dly, As it is God that calls, so it is God that maketli to answer this call ; and the creature is but merely passive, 1 Pet. ii. 9. 4thly, This call is inward as well
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as outward, borne in upon our spirit ; God takes a dealing with the heart, Hos. ii. 14. For the outward call will never do it : "I will call her to the wilderness, and speak to her heart," Jer. xxxi. 33 ; 2 Cor. iii. 3. 5thly, This call is a glorious call, and stamped with majesty and authority. As it is the Lord that calls, so doth he stamp his OAvn name on it, so that the soul knows it is God that is dealing with him. And so, " where the word of a king is, there is power ;" and " who may say unto him, What doest thou ?" Gthly, This call is in the word, or by it, Rom. x. 1(5, 17, not by dumb enthusiasms, superstitions, or a mere providence. It was by the word I was convinced it was duty to believe, the word gave me motives, and loosed my objections — all my warrants were from the word. 7thly, Faith is neither to love Christ, or to be content to take him ; for that is wrought already : (to love a person, and to be content to marry him, is not marriage ; it is but a disposition to marriage ;) nor yet to believe that he is able to save, or to hope ; but it is to believe on Clirist that he is yours, and wiU bestow him- self and all things on you ; and, when thus you believe, you have it : or, it is a cordial assent, and particular application of the pro- mises, giving Christ and all his benefits. Give but a particular and cordial assent to the gospel, and that is believing ; and he never heard the gospel to whom it spoke not this. I have largely proven this elsewhere, I now give my experience, 1 Tim. i. 15. 8thly, The grounds of faith are the command of God, the offer of the gospel, but especially the gospel declaration and promise, which at that time was not revealed to mc, Mat. xi. 28 ; 2 Cor. v. 19, 20, 21. The New Testament ministers beseech all to be recon- ciled, and upon this ground, because he hath " made him sin for us that knew no sin ;" this is thfe rational ground of believing. The command is the moral ground of believing, God giving Christ freely, and making him sin, and our covenant, and forgiving in his name ; and the gospel declaring this. Hence it is more than a naked oifer. Othly, Although it be the duty of all to believe, and though preparatory qualifications give no right to bcUeve or to Cluist ; yet is Clmst never revealed effectually to save a soul, until
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in some measure that soul be made to find its own emptiness, and want of self-righteousness. It is the blind and lame that are com- pelled to come, Luke xiv. 21, 23 ; Mat. xi. 28 ; John ix. 39 ; Prov. ix. 4, 5. lOtlily, True humiliation doth not consist in legal terrors ; and one, sufficiently humbled for sin, may yet be under apprehen- sions and sense of deadness, Isa. Ixiii. 17 ; Psal. btxx. 18 ; nor yet in the continuance of terrors, else the damned in hell shoidd be most humbled. Only it is rather in a conviction of the want of all things, raising a dissatisfaction with the present condition, and a despair of self^ and a justifying of God in all matters. Yea, the truest preparations for Christ are a sense and conviction of vileness, and guiltiness, deadness, hardness, and blindness, and a wearicdness with the world and duties, and the iU heart. llthly. The heart truly humbled must be touched with original corruption and heart- plagues, and a state of distance and enmity, John xvi. 9. 12thly, Though all be humbled, all are not alike humbled ; so, though all believers be drawn to Christ, and united to him, yet are not all drawn in the same manner to Christ. To some heaven, as it were, is opened, the Lord revealing the glory of Jesus to them, so as they, -svithout a hinck,^ leave all, and come flying to him. Mat. xiii. 44, so as the soid is so overpowered, that it cannot but cling to the Lord Jesus. There are others that are under deep horrors, and brought down to hell, and distracted wdtli terrors ; and Christ is lovely as one that saves fi'om wrath and hell. Necessity makes them flee to the city of reflige. Acts ii. 37 ; Heb. vi. 18 ; Psal. cxliii. 9. Some, under the sense of a dead, blind, empty heart, flee to him for life and eye-salve more expressly, Prov. ix. 4 ; Jer. xxxi. 18, 19 ; Hosea xiv. 1 ; Eev. iii. 18. Some find they cannot come; they desire the Lord to do it. Lam. v. 21 ; Jer, xxxi. 18. Some, by the sense of a command, do desperately venture, and their faith is an act of wilfulness. Job xiii. 15. Some come to Christ, and they hang (having his j)romise, '' That whosoever comes he will in nowise cast off") by expectations, hope, and desu'e, until a greater window be opened in heaven ; and then they clearly receive Christ, when the Lord Jesus is given, so as the everlasting ^ Objection, resistance.
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doors are opened, Psal. xxiv. 7, 9. Not that these doors were not opened before, but because the frame of heart was not so discovered ; for a desire after Christ, and a beHeving what the gospel saith, and a hope upon this, is a real, though not a sensible, receiving of Christ ; only time doth ordinarily manifest the reahty of this. Some close with Christ by way of a marriage-consent and contract, Christ overcoming the heart by love, Hosea ii. 19, 20 ; Eph. v. 25 ; Jer. xxxi. 33 ; and 1. 5. Some come to Christ by way of looking to him; in some their faith is but a hope, or doth resemble it. 1 3thly, Love is the key that opens the heart, Rom. x. 10, " With the heart man believes to salvation," Hosea ii. 19, 20, which love will kyth in a mourning for want of him, and a desire after him, and a rejoicing in any thing that appears like him, and a love unto his people. And, as there is affection in his people to him, so is there love kythed in the Lord's courting of his people. The com- mand itself, " Tm'n," hath love engraven on it, the Lord's so ear- nest seeking of it, his large offers to gain this. 14thly, The soul, in beheving, closes mth the person of Christ, (he is the principal object, though not the immediate object, of faith,) and closes Avith him only, and for ever ; the soid desires this, and mourns that it is not so : " Take away all sins," Hosea xiv. 3 ; Jer. 1. 5 ; Psal. xc. 1. For, to come to Christ for his benefits only is not a per- sonal love ; to come to Clirist, but not to hun only, is an adul- terous marriage ; to come to him for some time, and not for ever, is but to give Christ a visit, not to marry him. 15tlily, The whole life of a man is a continued conversion to God, in which he is per- petually humbled under sense of sin, and draws nearer and nearer to God, with more fervent faith and love, and daily walks closer and closer with the Lord, endeavouring at perfection, Mat. xviii. 3 ; Luke xxii. 32 ; Prov. xxiii. 26 ; Cant. iv. 8 ; Psal. Lxiv. 7. And God doth as it were act over and over again his work in the heart, forming his people more exactly than before. And therefore no wonder they meet with something lilce a second, yea, and a third and fourth conversion ; especially where there are backslidings. 1 6thly, True faith is lively and fruitful ; for it strengthens, settles,
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and sanctifies the heart, 1 John iii. 3 ; Acts xv. 9. ITtlily, There may be faith in the heart, though it doth not manifest itself in ex- press acts of believing to those that have it ; yea, there may be great ignorance of the nature of faith in speculation ; as the child lives, though he knows not that it is so, nor can tell the conceipt of life, John xiv. 7, 8, compared with v. 16, 17 ; Acts xix. 2. ISthly, Wlierever God begins to do good, either to reveal or quicken, he will not leave off, but will manifest liimself more and more, John xiii, 7 ; Mat. xiii. 31. He will perfect his work unto the end. 19tlily, There may be a real closing with Clirist, and yet felt dead- ness and hardness. A sick faith is a living faith, John v. 40, and xi. 25. Nor is the soid in this case to stand at a distance with Christ. 20tlily, The " kingdom of heaven," either outward or in- ward, " cometh not with observation," John iv. 14 ; and the foun- dations of the temple may be matter of mourning, and little glory seen therein; "The day of small things;" a great stream may proceed from a small fountain. The Lord comes not in the thun- der nor earthquake, but in the " still voice." We think, like Naaman, that when God comes to the heart, he will appear in visible glory, as sometimes he doth ; yet at other times his voice is not heard in the streets, and he " groweth as a tender plant out of the dry ground," and there is Httle beauty seen in liun. What a poor beginning was all this of a life of faith !
CHAPTER VI.
OF MY PROGRESS AND GROWTH, AND ESTABLISHMENT IN THE WAYS OF GOD.
SECTION I.
How, after closing with Christ hy Faithy I was assaulted with terrible Tentations, and how delivered, I continued in some peace for ten days' time, still expecting some extraordinary thing, but had not the impressions of joy I had
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In the beginning so deep upon my spirit as at first ; there came a cloud and overshadowed me thus : —
§ 1. The Lord left me as to that measure of his comforting and quickening presence : for herein the world is not rest, but a place of labour, change, sorrow, and pain ; and, therefore, I behoved to draw in the yoke. 2dly, I liked ease and rest ; and now, when the Lord had broken my bonds and yoke, I thought there was no more for me to do, I dreamed of no cloud or night ; and, since the main was secured, I did not apprehend such a necessity of labour, but would have been at sleeping in my nest ; or else, if I must needs pray and fight, I desired to be taken up in Christ's arms as I was at first, and to be passive, and Christ to do all, Hosea xi. 3 ; Psal. XXX. 6. I said, like Peter, " It is good to be here ; " and I said, "Let us make a tabernacle," until a cloud overshadowed me, which, when it did, I, expecting in vain Christ's return in the same manner, got other work to do. 3dly, Not finding ease, nor peace, nor rest, in God, because I would not dig for it, I behoved to have it from the world, and therefore turned slothful, and for some time followed vanities, seeking rest, until (reproved) I went to prayer, but got no good. I took up Shepherd's " Sound Behever," and there I read this question, " How shall I know whether my whole sold hath come to Christ ?" He answers, " When Christ alone gives suflficlent satisfaction, so as there is no need of idols and lusts." For this, ah ! said I, I do not thus ; for my heart runs out continually after idols. How couldst thou think (said conscience) that wast so dead, to close with Christ with the whole soid ? Have not the effects discovered thy unsoundness and hypocrisy ? See to the whorishness and adulteries of thy heart, and by that judge of thy love In marrying Christ. Doth not thy unstedfastness in his covenant prove that thy heart was not right with God at first, and that thou liedst unto him when thou soughtst and closedst with him as the Rock of thy Salvation ? I was made, upon this, to conclude that all my lifetime I was violently carried with a delusion, which made the sky very black. This tentation was so violent, as there was no resisting of it, whereby my heart became sorrowful, strength-
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less, and discouraged. Oh ! what shall I, what should I, nay, what can I do now ? Can I bestow more pains than I did ? Have I learned anything ? Then did I know the meaning of that word, " Thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down." To have known before, while I suspected no less, that I was wrong, would not so have shaken me ; as, after some assurance of favour, to be cast down to hell ; heart and hand was taken away from me ; I did not reason the matter, but yielded easily and quickly. Now were my foundations shaken, and a breach made as to my interest in God, and in the grounds which the Lord had made me lay ; a whole sea followed. 4;thly, This was not enough ; Satan was let out upon me, to trouble me with atheistical thoughts, which had like serpents been hissing, and had appeared, but were quieted, though not killed ; a certain token that they woidd, when occasion offered, break out most violently. Oh ! said I, what a delusion have I been in ? I was never convinced nor humbled, nay, I think, never convinced that there was a God, or that his word was true. Now, the Lord leaving me, and Satan being permitted, and being with former exercises naturally melancholy, atheistical tentations were driven most violently upon me, upon which great and sen- sible hoiTor fell upon my spirit; which did arise, not so much from the thoughts of this, that there was no God, as from the thoughts that myself was an Atheist, and that I had not a lively demonstrative argument for proving effectually and powerfully that there is a God. Oh miserable creature ! cried I, that per- ished not at first when under horror, ere I had known any thing of God, but to live till now, till I had contracted more guilt and punishment ! O happy when I thought I had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost ! For then there were hopes that, while I beheved the Scriptures, by them I might be persuaded that I had not sinned it ; but now no remedy is left. When the foundations are loosed, what means can I use ? To whom shall I so when I doubt the being of God ? How shall I be convinced ? How shall 1 pray ? 5thly, Looking to the dispensation I was under, and the remedi- lessness of my condition, and the sadness of this Providence, my
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melancholy thoughts, of which Satan made his use, represented God as terrible and fearful to me, as one who had been watching all my lifetime to do me evil, that had been deluding me vnth frames of spirit, and that was now manifesting that hid displeasure against me, which he bore me this long time, and let me see he would take vengeance of me. I thought, or apprehended, God's "wrath and prejudice was more at my person than faults ; in a word, God was terrible and fearful to me, so that I was all taken out of other, and disjointed. 6thly, This fire did make the great scum and filth of rebellion appear, and that hatred that was in my heart against God appear. My natural corruptions were stirred more violently than ever, in averseness to God ; and so, " when the law came, sin revived, and I died." He was fearful to me ; the reading of Scripture and prayer had no taste, nay, these means were terrible to me, so as it was much that put me to duty at all. Oh how happy then, (said I,) when under my first terrors, by what I am at this time ! While terrors formerly were upon me, I could pray, delight in prayer and other means, which were exceeding sweet imto me ; but now, alas ! duties are a burden, a wearisome- ness, and terror unto me, and occasionally increase my trouble. For, whenever I read Scripture, a thousand atheistical thoughts were injected in my soul ; and therefore my case is most hopeless. Now the Lord loves me not, and my soul abhors liim ; my heart is so wicked, that though with Spira I say it not with my tongue, yet wish I that there were no God ; he is strange and terrible unto me, an enemy, and therefore hatefid to me. Then did I find that the carnal mind is enmity against God ; I was a right repre- sentation of the damned in hell — tormented and hopeless, and raging against God and his providences, sometimes I woidd say, What a strange thing is this ! thou thinkest there is no God, and yet art afraid of him. The truth is, I did not positively beheve that there is no God, but was afraid that I did not beheve that there was one ; and my fear of God did prove a God, and my beUef of a Deity. 7tlily, It did not a Httlc heighten my sorrows, that I was within fourteen days to partake of the sacrament. The
EEV. JAMES FRASEE. 171
condition I was in, and the want of the evidences of grace, made me look on communicating as a dreadful business ; and the pride of my heart was such, that having been known for a professor, and to have resolved to communicate, it would be thought a weakness not to communicate, and hazard my estimation with them. And for tliis cause I was the more diligent to get oil, and to get my wedding-garment on ; but found not such returns as upon the like occasions I had hitherto found, partly through sloth, and partly through the pride of my heart ; so that I was, on the Sabbath-day morning that I was to communicate, in as sad a taking as I was ever before, utterly jumbled, and at a distance with God, and full of horror and atheistical tentations. 8thly, It is true, that for some time it pleased God to suspend these storms, and to give a calm, by binding up Satan for a time ; and it continued thus imtU three days before my communicating. I wondered how they could be removed when the cause w^as not taken away ; and therefore they came again, so as, when I came to the table, they assaulted me. Then would I say to myself, Oh poor wretched soul ! thou hast oftentimes desired a conviction and a law work, and now thou hast one to purpose, and claw it off again if thou canst ; see what good it doth thee. O how unkindly and diabohcal are the convictions that are now-a-days ! The occasion and ground of my trouble were atheistical tentations, and hard cruel thoughts of God, which Satan did violently beat in upon me ; as likewise it did afflict me, that I could not get rid of all sin, and that I could not get resolved to do all duties, especially the duty of reproof, to which I was averse through my natural bashfulness. 9thly, My trouble was increased by my communicating, especially by conversing with others, I foimd that the Lord that day had been distributing largely ; and it was ordi- nary vnth them to express themselves thus, " I have found him." Oh, said I, and am I only a bastard ? Hath he given to every one their allowance and portion, and famished, and never so much as looked on me ? This struck me dead, and I was no longer for com- pany. The more spiritual sermons were, and societies were, the more was I troubled. I saw, as it were, them coming from cast and west,
1 72 mp:moirs of the
and sitting with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and myself among those that were thrust out. Meat, company, and all ordinances, were a burden to me ; I sat alone, and mine eyes were heavy with sor- row. Oh (said I) for some wilderness that I might lament in, and pour out this miserable soul of mine in the Lord's bosom ! My hopes were gone, and I said, Farewell, all pleasant days again, and now henceforth I am entering the gloomy valley and shadow of death. No means would do me good. I looked over Mr Baxter's arguments for the truth of the Scriptures, but they seemed as straw to me, and my distempered spirit brake through them. My athe- istical reasonings would shift after this manner : What knowest thou but that the apostles, who were Christ's immediate successors, out of love to him, and to their imaginations, might have gone to far off places, and there vented their doctrines, which, through pro- cess of time, might have been confirmed by proselytes, who, by the apostles' life, might have been drawn In ; and their followers, while there was no printing, might have added, and, being for a long time unquarreUed, might through custom have gained a belief ? In a word, aU I could say or hear seemed but weak, cither to persuade me or to give me peace. After the sacrament, and after my home- coming, my terrors increased, and tcntations assaulted me so vio- lently, as that I was taken off my knees, and could not pray one word ; nay, they were so violent, and my fears so strong, as that I judged they could not be removed but by a miracle. And I woidd (said I) seek no other evidence of a divine power and being than the removing these fears ; and I thought, if the Lord would con- descend to this, I should doubt no more. Then was it suggested to me thus : Thy heart was once so secure, so careless, that it needed an almighty power to awaken thee as now thou art ; and cannot the Lord, who hath wounded thy oftentimes deemed im- penetrable heart, heal it again?
§ 2. This was my condition ; and the Lord was delivering, and did deliver me by these steps and means, which did kyth the work- ing of grace in my soul, and his kindness. 1st, I was put continu- ally to seek the Lord in the use of means, notwithstanding of all
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my discouragements. I prayed, read, and meditated ; and some healing I would find in these, but a cloud stiU came and over- shadowed it; however, they did good insensibly. 2dly, One time, be- ing at supper, some of my relations and strangers fell a commending a witty, carnal, and persecuting minister, who was an enemy to the ways and people of God. I started up, and said in a great zeal, that he was not worthy to live, and that the Lord would be about with him. Here was a well if I could see it. Thou sayest thou hatest God, and how canst thou love his people, and hate his ene- mies, as thou now showest thou dost ? " He that loveth him that begat, loveth them also that are begotten." But reason was weak, for bearing dowTi of downright tentations. 3dly, Being in Mr T. H.'s house, a godly and prudent man, his company did me much good, especially his discourses to me concerning the nature of ten- tations, and how the devil beats in tentations violently in the soid without reason, and dings them in as it were, and threaps by bold assertions on the soul what he woidd have it believe. As likewise, his prayers did me good, especially when he spake of God's con- descendency, and man's stubbornness ; and cited Ephraim, whom God smote, " and he went on frowardly in his ways ; I have seen him, and will heal him." As likcAvise, the marvellous light he gave to Scriptures, and manifested a depth in them that I never per- ceived before, in the Avonderftd connection of sentences : which did astonish me, and made me see something evidencing a Godhead even in them, a wonderful excellency hid in them. Lastly, His cheerfiil conversation, not in a carnal way, but I thought his joy was inward, proceeding from faith in God. For the universal car- nality of professors, with their discouragements, living so short of their principles, did much help forward my Atheism, as it made me think that a saint was but a fancy ; but tinily I thought mine eyes saw something of a saint and New Testament spirit in him, and w^as someway persuaded, by seeing his holiness, his cheerful- ness in God, and his deep reach in spiritual mysteries, that there was a God; and a holiness attainable. And such was the iwwer of God in him, that with his seasonable discourse and prayer, he
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would charm, and calm, and quiet my storms, even when I de- spaired of help, and thought it impossible ; though they would return again when I was gone from him. Surely I received much good by him. 4thly, But that which gave the dead-stroke to this tentation was this : When I came from that minister's house, my atheistical thoughts recm'red and assaulted me in such a manner as my soul was vexed unto death, that I coidd bide it no longer, and through the violence of tentations was taken off my knees, and unable so much as to knit four sentences together. I at last sat down on my knees, and said to this purpose : Lord, if thou be, thou art Almighty, and canst reveal so much of thyself as may con- vince me, and put away this storm ; I desu'e thee therefore to give this proof of thy power and being, as this night to put away this storm, and convince me there is a God, and that thy word is true. Lord, be not offended with my peremptoriness, for I can bear no longer ; and, besides, if thou delay the revelation of thy mind here- in, my suspicious heart will be ready to say, that it was time that altered my condition ; and, if this very night thou do, I will look upon it as a sufficient demonstration of thy being. Determine thou the way thyself; I have opened my mouth. Lord, bow the hea- vens, and give not, by the continuance of my trouble, such a ground of cavil to the adversary against me, to make me doubt thou art the hearer of prayer. Immediately it was suggested. Now hold by thy word, said Satan, and thou shalt see God will not help thee this night, and let this increase thy suspicions ; for sure, if there were a God, he would help when so put to it. But the Lord did bow the heavens : for, sitting pensively at the fire- side, and meditating on some rational arguments for clearing of the verity of the Scriptures, and not finding any but such as might be shifted ; at last it was suggested to me, and I was made to fall on these considerations : What a fool hast thou been ? Art thou an Atheist because thou canst not prove there is a God ? Or, is there no God because thou canst not demonstratively prove it ? Suppose it possible then that a number of honest men might lie, and that the world were so mad as to believe them, and that this
REV. JAMES ERASER. 175
lie had been carried so secretly on as never to be discovered, and all evidences to the contrary burned when the world universally turned Christians ; though this were possible, is it therefore true ? Have you ever seen an argument to prove there is no God, or that the Scriptures are false ? But grant that the Scriptures are true, (it is possible,) what evidence could ye have of their truth that ye have not ? The doctrine itself is contrary to flesh and blood, against lying and juggling, confirmed by mu'acles, done before the world and amidst enemies, for a long time printed copies in so many thou- sand hands in diiFerent countries and kingdoms, delivered by the most holy, ingenuous, and faitliful men, and not contradicted by enemies. Suppose, I say, all this course had been taken as the greatest evidence of its truth, would there not still be place for such objections as now thou heapest ? What more evidence would you have than this ? Doth it follow, because such shifts may be given, that therefore the doctrine is not true ? Might not all thy answers thou givest be given against it, though undoubtedly true ? There appeared such an evidence in this reasoning, the Lord shining upon it, that by the almighty power of Christ my clouds did fly away ; the bands in which I had been secretly holden ever since I was born, but not openly and violently kept, did in an instant break asunder, and all my fears evanished, and there was a calm : in which God did show much goodness, and power, and con- descendency, who looked so seasonably upon me ; for, if this night had passed over, the greatest evidence imaginable, I could have gotten matter of objection against it. Some dregs of this trouble remained, but I was delivered out of it ; and after this continued half-a-year like one in a dead-throw, had little sense, wrestling with several tentations and difficulties. About this time there broke out a "great sluice of profanity and persecution ; the men of power cried down godhness, covenant, and work of reformation ; godly ministers were deposed, and wicked, scandalous ministers set up in their places ; and none counted loyal but such as could swear and health ; and godliness was a crime sufficient. Lord, what a world was this ! Nothing but drinking, swearing, mocking of godliness,
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and the freedom of the country lost ; for some three months after this my condition was as the dawning of the day.
§ 3. The ends of which dispensation were, 1st, To give proof to me of the Lord's condescendcncy and love ; which I very eminently saw in this. 2dly, To convince me by a strong hand of my athe- ism, and, by healing me in such a forlorn condition, showing an in- finite power. For atheistical thoughts came divers times before this to my door, but these unclean spirits went out, and were not cast out, and therefore came again ; until that now, as it were in a pitched battle, they were overthrown and cast out Avith a strong hand, and never after was I troubled vnth them. 3dly, To awaken me out of security, and to keep from it in time to come, that I might not rest in enjoyments, but, "forgetting what is behind, may press forwards ;" to keep me waking, exercised and busy. I slept, and therefore this cry came. 4thly, To discover my wicked- ness, misery, and weakness^ when left of God and given up to my- self : " Woe also unto them when I leave them !" Sthly, To put me out of conceit with legal terrors ; for I thought they were good, and only esteemed them happy that were under them. They came but I found they did me ill ; and, unless the Lord had guided me thus, I think I would have died doating after them. 6thly, To mor- tify me to extraordinary enlargements ; for I found they never come but a clap comes after them. That which so afflicted me, in this condition, was my ignorance, and want of sufficient knowledge of the object of believing, and too much haste in yielding to what Sa- tan said, and some evil principles I had ; for I thought it was sinflil in me to seek to strengthen my soul, or to comfort it. I did not remember former experiences.
§ 4. From which I learn, 1st, Weak faith, or faith in the begin- ning, is never able to endure assaults of tentations ; and therefore God himself must help immediately. Mat. viii. 25, 26. 2dly, There may be much of God in a dispensation, and much to be learned, and yet not noticed at first till a long time thereafter ; for it is not long since I saw the well of waters that was here, John xiii. 7 ; Dent, viii. 3, " In the latter end you shall consider it." 3dly, As the
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devil seeks to undermine folk in their strongest bidwarks, so must the Lord with a strong hand convince of, and teach fundamental principles, and amongst the rest persuade that there is a God, Mat. xvi. 17 ; 1 Cor. xii. 3. Natural belief and evidence must vanish in supernatiu-als. 4thly, No natural or rational evidence is suffi- cient to convince of atheism ; for all that either I could meditate or read in books, could not do my turn, nor cure my atheism. Mat. xvi. 17, "Flesh and blood hath not revealed this." Peace is a created thing of God, Isa. Ivii. 1 9. Stlily, Fears arising, in saints, from tentations of atheism, do proceed fi-om this ground, because they suspect they are atheists ; rather than from this, that they in- deed believe there is no God. For I feared I should be damned for my atheism. Gthly, Christ outshoots Satan in his own bow. The devil sought by these tentations to shake me loose of all my principles, and make me despau'; and God blessed it to be the mean of my establishing. Gen. 1. 20; Psal. cxix. 71. The Lord pitied me when he saAv the devil's violence ; and, whatever the be- ginnings of trouble be, yet the end is peace and good. Tthly, There is no case imaginable desperate, in which a man is to give over his hope. For here was as hopeless a case as ever any was in, there being no means to help, no grace in me, but stubbornness, and vsTestling with God, none able to help me, all given over, the foun- dation shaken ; and yet out of tliis was I helped. Stlily, Ere the devil be dung out of any principal fort, there is ordinarily a great storm raised; he is not dung out without noise. And principal substantial truths are not cheap bought. 9thly, An evil under which the soul mourns, is burdened, and which it loathes, will never destroy a man ; it is iUs entei'tained that destroy the soul. lOthly, God ever helps, and never until extremity, Deut. xxxii. 36 ; Isa. xli. 17, when the spirit begins to fail, llthly, Wlaile we are here, we must resolve to meet with one evil after another to grapple with. Here is not the land of rest or peace ; " Li the world ye shall have tribulation," either inward or outward, or both, Jo. xvi. ult. I had no sooner come out of the wilderness, and was thinking to " multi- ply my days as the sand," in peace, but this storm came. " This VOE. II. M
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is not your rest ; there remaineth a rest for the people of God," 12thly, As there are troubles, so are there deliverances out of trou- bles ; " Many are the troubles of the righteous, but the Lord de- livereth him out of them all." No trouble is a saint's dead-ill, it is not unto death, Psal. xxxiv. 19. But "evil shall slay the wicked," V. 21. 13thly, God afflicts in measure, he puts no more weight upon the soul than it is able to bear. I had little or no outward afflictions to grapple with ; now, the Lord " stayed his east wind in the day of his rough mnd," Isa. xxvii. 8 ; the foundations of the great deep, which afterwards broke out, were not yet opened. 14thly, Violent tentations last not long ; when the devil turns vio- lent, his best arrows are done : Nil vehemens durahile. ISthly, A saint's first exercises are ordinarily in spirituals, ere he be set to conflict with outward troubles, that he be not turned carnal by them, but, being somewhat acquainted with the Lord's ways, may be more spuitual in his outward exercises. The Lord trains him up privately, as it were, ere he set him out to fight. IGthly, As it is ordinary with young beginners to refuse to be comforted, and to join with Satan ; so do they ordinarily fail herein, and refuse to be comforted, thinking it sinful. I might [have] had many things to comfort me, had I heeded ; and it is the worst they can do. ITthly, Although God saves ordinarily by means, yet it is not any virtue that is in the means that helps, but it is the Lord concurring with this or that mean. Although I grant an aptitude or rationality in the means, yet by reason of the resistance in the subject, they are ineffectual. It was a rational consideration saved me, but I had re- jected many greater evidences ; and I found, besides the rationality of the object, some other thing concurring, working physically, Mat. iv. 4; Hos. i. 7; Deut. viii. 3. "That thou mightst know man liveth not by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." So that, 18thly, I found not only a moral suasion on the understanding and will, but even, besides, some physical sensible touch of God's hand on the wiU, determining me and bowing me to assent, taking away the resistance. 19thly, Pride and stubbornness is the sting and life of evils ; and by sub-
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mission the gall and venom and fire of them is taken away. This fastens our bonds on us, Jam. iv. 6, " God resists the proud." For I said, I woidd be content of terrors, but not to proceed from this ground of atheism, but from God, to show me the evil of a natural condition. When the Lord would remove his hand, I would be discontent ; now, said I, the Lord is gone, and hath not done his work, and I am as graceless as ever. 20tldy, Seldom do mercies good when there is over much peremptoriness in asking them. More submission would have made my deliverance much sweeter, and thankfulness and contentment with little mercies would bring in much gain, Psal. Ixxviii. 29. Another storm behoved to humble me, and came a good while after, and did that which this did not ; only the Lord condescended to my importunity. 21stly, Extraor- dinary enjoyments are not to be anxiously desired, for they have " the day of adversity" set against them, Eccl. vii. 14. " God hath set the one against the other." 22dly, Grace will some way appear in a man's lowest condition, though it be very weak. For I found something of submission from that word, Micah vii. 9. Love like- wise appeared, and my heart said, " Though he kill me, yet will I trust in him." 23dly, God will deliver his people sometimes, though they be not very fitted for a deliverance ; and, though there be no preparation for him, he will come. For I may say, except prayer, which my extremity put me to, there was no grace exercised ; sin was not made bitter to me, there was no humiliation, no patience, no faith, no instruction learned, but roaring like a bull in the net, and crying like the raven ; and yet the Lord heard that voice, and delivered me, though in his justice the deliverance was not so sweet, as I observed before. 24thly, My doubts of the being of a God did arise more through want of a demonstrative argument to prove it positively, than from any argument to prove directly there was no God ; for the devil never offered to prove that there was no God, but put it on me to prove, and answered my arguments and objections, which was hard to do ; and because I could not prove it effectually, I would conclude that therefore there was no God.
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SECTION ir.
Of a spiritual decay, and some affiiciions I teas trusted imth for the space of two years.
My pride, and hastiness to be delivered out of my last sad exer- cise, was one reason, I think, that I received no more profit than I did by it. Our desires are not always best for us ; the desires of the heart, and soul-leanness, go together, Psal. cvi. 15. I was but a novice in believing, and so not kept in perfect peace.
§1.1 was then to go South, being in the year 1661, where I stayed from November, I think, till October thereafter, being to pay some money to a creditor, and to transact with some debitors, being at this time twenty-one years of age ; as likewise some busi- ness did intervene there, which took me up. It was now that I began some way to mind business ; I should have gone to the col- lege, but I was otherwise taken up. In a word, except it was to spend my time, I knew no good I did all that time ; only I wrote some law. I came home at last, and was a little more taken up in duty when at home than when afield, but made no sensible progress, but was as it were in the dead-throw.
§ 2. About this time my outward afflictions began to appear, and the Lord was bringing me low as to my condition in the world, by means of a person who pretended right to aU we had in the world, and had some colour of law for it, our securities not being well buckled ; and besides, he was an active man. He called me South, being cited for that effect ; where being come, and destitute of friends and money, the times being evil, and there being much corruption in Courts, and my adversary being in great favour, and I un\^Tlling to go to, and unskilful in law, and withal being conscious to the weakness of my own securities, I was forced and inclined to agree with him on what terms it pleased himself, giving him much of 12,000 merks, which was a considerable part of my interest; which to the ignorant and unacquainted with my affairs (as all were be- side myself) did expose me to much disrespect and contempt, which
REV. JAMES FRASEK. Ibl
I was forced with patience to bear, and did make me to sail with a low sail. About the same time likewise, I unadvisedly bound for the sum of 8000 merks of provisions to my sisters, they being to be married, and my mother liferenting all my estate, which was not now above L.lOO sterling per annum ; which sums do daily run on interest, and consume my stock. And much of this I looked on as a punishment of my faults.
§ 3. I lived and continued in these sins, which about this time did mightily prevail against me ; (1.) I omitted the excellent and precious occasions of getting and doing good, both in reference to myself and others, in spirituals and temporals, where I had occa- sions of sermons, of fellowship of saints, of books, of expeding busi- ness, and otherwise accomplishing myself. Mat. xxii. 3 ; Heb. x. 25; Isa. Ixv. 2 ; Hos. viii. 12. Time was miserably misjaent. (2.) There was much omission of private duties, of prayer, meditation, and reading of the Scriptures ; and these were either omitted, or very slightly performed. (3.) I lived in spiritual adulteries, and gave myself to idols, to sensuality of meats, drinks, company, pas- time, cards and dice ; and, having " forsaken God, the fountain of living waters, I hewed out to myself broken cisterns that can hold no water." And in this life of pleasures I continued, notwithstand- ing of many challenges of conscience. (4.) I through this decayed in grace, lost my assurance, peace, and strength, and became very unhearty and indisposed. (5.) Playing excessively at the unlawful game of cards, spending much of the day and night therein, and in reading of romances, notmthstanding of challenges. (6.) There was extraordinary lightness in my conversation, especially with professors, when the sad times called for mourning. The work of reformation was at this time rained ; the eminent servants of Christ, some killed, some banished, their livelihood taken from them, and aU generally discountenanced; wickedness advanced, and godliness borne down; faithflU ministers cast from their charges, and hirelings introduced, because they would not submit to the accursed prelacy ; and yet was I making mirth when mine eyes were witnesses to all this. My outward tentations to this were abundant divertisements, carnal company, and a spirit of sloth.
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§ 4. Yet notwithstanding some life continued still, and the burn- ing bush was not consumed. The means that did me good were, 1. I would pray once a day, at least in the morning ; and this kept me from putrifying altogether. 2. Writing some practical divinity did me good, and put me likewise in a frame. 3. On the Sabbath- day I would take some more time, and the Lord would ordinarily meet me wdth some life and affections ; and then I would see the evil of my ways, and return. 4. Extraordinary times for meditation I would take ; and, w^hen sin and distance would come to some height, I woidd retire and pour out my soul to God, and by this means get good, and I would put on new resolutions. 5. Afflictions now began likewise to work, and these kept my eyes waking, and would make an imjoression upon my spmt, and put me out to prayer, and would make mercies, whether spiritual or temporal, sweet to me. 6. Some seasonable words I would hear sometimes in good books, or sermons, or discourses, which did keej) my bones green as it were, and would keep in my dying life ; and through this it came to pass, that though I was much endangered by tenta- tions, yet not altogether destroyed.
§ 5. God's end in this, for any thing I yet understand, was to let me see the evil of the good of the world. For now, having health, peace, liberty, company, divertisements, and money, I became car- nal, that so I might see the evils of the world to be better than the good thereof. 2dly, That the remembrance of this mispent time might humble me afterwards, that in the sense of this I might walk softly and in bitterness, Hos. ix. 1 ; Isa. xxxviii. 15. 3dly, That thereby I might be the better assured of the Lord's everlasting love, who now, when afresh provoked, did not forsake me, but after all this returns. As, Imo, What a mercy that I was not taken away in my sins ! If God should then have summoned me, how unprepared had I been, and what a terror w^ould death then have been unto me ? Ezek. xx. 8. 2do, In keeping in the dying and consuming life, that I fell not back altogether, and slejit not the " sleep of death," Exod. iii. 2. 3tio, In his pains and visitations, whereby my spirit was upholdcn. Oh, how did he warn me ! how
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did he preserve my soul from falling, and dried mine eyes fi-om tears ! One time, despairing almost of doing any good, I was re- covered and strengthened by that word, Deut. viii. 15, 16, "I led thee through a great and terrible wilderness, that I might do thee good in the latter end." Another time a graceless minister, of whom I expected nothing, did revive my spirit against the fears of wants in the world, in a sermon on these words, " Fear not, the hairs of yom* head are all numbered ;" and spake most pertinently to the case. 4to, At last he dehvered me. And will not this God that hath accompanied me so far, carry me to the end ?
§ 6. From which I observe, 1st, The great wickedness and power of sin that is in every man's heart, that, notwithstanding of all means, will still be breaking out again and again. O how great need of great watchfulness is there, and spiritual dependence on God ! 2dly, God's own people to whom he shows kindness, are not exempted from the greatest of evils, such as sins, tentations, deser- tions, decays, and afflictions ; wliich should make us walk in fear and trembling, 2 Chron. xxxii. 26. 3dly, All the Lord's ways are mercy and truth to them that fear him ; he brings good out of all evils ; where sin abounds, grace superabounds. I trust this shall do me good, and make me " love much, because much is forgiven," Psal. XXV. 10. 4thly, Prosperity, ease, and the desires of the soid, send leanness to the soul ; the evils of the world are much better than the good thereof, Prov. i. 32. It is stiU better with me when I have least outward comforts. 5thly, Whatever God suffers in others for a time, or whatever their own thoughts may be, yet will not God suffer sin unpunished or uncorrected in professors, Amos iii. 2. Though God be merciful, gracious, and long-suffering, yet " by no means will he clear the guilty." Justice and mercy kiss one another ; for about this same time my outward afflictions did begin, and the seeds of my future afflictions were sown. 6tlily, All means to recover out of a backslidden condition will be in vain, though they keep life until the Lord Jesus' hour come, " In vain shalt thou use many medicines," Jer. ii. 20, 22. 7thly, Prayer and meditation, though not always effectual for the end intended,
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yet are evermore profitable ; for though they did not altogether recover me, yet this I find, they did preserve me from utter fall- ing : and so by experience I know the truth of this, " He hath not said to the house of Jacob, Seek his face in vain ;" a great encouragement to duty, Heb. xi. 6 ; Job xxi. 15. For, ever since I remember, proportionable to my diligence in seeking was my finding : nor made I ever any extraordinary mint to seek God, but I found something extraordinary. 8thly, It is a concluded and resolved thing, which will imiversally hold true of all the people of God, That they shall not only have inward troubles, but likewise outward troubles in and from the world, and find it (they must) " vanity and vexation of spirit ; " that their affections may be weaned therefrom, and they made to seek another rest, and their graces may be exercised, John xvi. ult. 9thly, The hasty concluding, we have no interest in God, as it comes and is in- creased by security, so it is the ground of apostacy, and produces much evil. Imo, It oflfends God by rubbing a lie on him, and calling the work of his Spirit a natural work or worse. 2do, Unthankfulness for so great a work, the soul denying it. 3tio, No love to God, as conceiving him yet a stranger. 4to, No satisfaction, pleasure, or delight in the Lord or his ways, because no interest in them. 5to, And, there being no rest in God, there is a necessity of seeking it elsewhere in the creature. 6to, The hands weakened in seeking of God, since former pains are ineffec- tual : What can I do, that I have not done already ? saith the soul. 7mo, Hard thoughts of God as of an enemy and evil-wisher to poor sinners, rather than as one willing to save them, and that is their friend ; seeing no means can prevail with him. But, lOthly, and lastly, I learn a Christian's assurance or faith, though it do not firstly flow from holiness, yet is ever proportionable to his holy walk- ing. Faith is kept in a pure conscience ; sin is like a blot of ink fallen upon our evidences. This I found as a truth, and so will any not given up to the delusion of Antinomianism.
KEY. JAMES FKASEK. 18 5
SECTION III. Of my recovery hy faith.
Being thus kej^t for a while in bonds, and not able to recover, I came home, and the Lord looked upon me thus.
§ 1. Being come home, and exceedingly afflicted with the re- membrance of mispent time, and the cloud that was upon me, breaking out in outward troubles, being then in my sister's, I resolved, seeing my case was extraordinary, and, therefore, required an extraordinary remedy, and that fasting and setting some rea- sonable time apart had been so blest to me, I would try what the Lord would now do to me by it. The causes were my unsettled- ness and low condition. At that time I gave up myself to God to be directed by him ; and he led me by an unexpected M^ay, which was by convincing me of my unbelief, and humbling me under it, and drawing me by renewed acts of faith to himself again. The Lord made the strain of my discourse to run out on faith and unbelief, which last I considered as the greatest of evils. The considerations that then had influence upon me were, 1st, Unbelief was the only and great sin of the Israelites in the wilder- ness, for which the Lord was so angry, that he " consumed their days in vanity," Ps. Ixxviii. 32, 33, because they did not trust in him, nor believed him for all his wonders. 2dly, Unbelief re- flects on God, and says as much as, He is a liar, 1 John v. 10. An opinion of God's infidelity and treachery is the foundation of unbelief, as his truth is the ground of faith. 3dly, Unbelief is the mother and womb of all the departings and apostacies of the soul from God, Heb. iii. 12. UnbeHef is the captain that strikes the first stroke, and leads all the armies of spiritual evil against us ; our faith is the first thing that fails in us. 4tlily, Unbelief is more heinous than the sin of Sodom, ]\Iat. xi. 24 — more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah than for unbelieving Capernaum. 5tlily, Unbelievers are amongst the first and chief that shall be sent to the bottomless pit, Rev. xxi. 8, " The fearful and unbelievers," &c.
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6thly, The Holy Ghost, when he comes to coiivmce of sin, con- vinces of this most, John xvi. 9, " When he comes, he will con- vince of unbelief;" as though there were no sin but this, or in comparison of this. 7thly, Unbelief is a sin against love and kind- ness, and the refusing of the offers of love ; and this wounds the Lord most. Anything but unkindness. Acts xiii. 41 — therefore, " ye despisers, wonder and perish." 8thly, Unbelief is a sin against the person of Christ ; " They would have none of me." 9thly, Unbelief is a sin that makes the Lord lose much pains and travail. If a physician would have gone to a far country, and with great pains have brought a precious potion that only could heal his patient's disease ; if now the patient, after all this work, shoidd spill it, or break the vessel in which it were, would not this go very far to the physician's heart ? So it is here ; the Lord Jesus hath come from the bosom of the Father, taught so much, suffered so much, waited so long on thee, suffered so much of thee, humbled thee, taken all the pains imaginable on thee, and all to make thee believe, and which is only able to do thee good ; and wilt thou after all this refuse the potion ? lOthly, Unbelief is a dangerous and strong evil, that walks up and down the soul under the notion of humility, and can be hardly gotten away. With these considerations which God did press home on my soul, through his goodness and power, I was wrought on so powerfully and sweetly to believe the sinful- ness of unbelief, and evil thereof; and the Lord commended faith so to me, that I found I was drawn to Christ by an irresistible yet suitable power, and yet so strongly, that I could not misbelieve, and was made to resolve and promise never more to misbelieve. I was passive, and found a divine power in it. (2.) From this there proceeded a new heart, resolution, and strength. (3.) All sorrows and fears were removed, and I was much comforted, quieted, and strengthened. (4.) Strengthened to seek the Lord and his ways. (5.) Sin in general mortified, and a particidar sin, viz., playing at cards, quite felled, with which I had so long wrestled in vain, and to which I had so great an inclination that I continued in it against checks of conscience : that sin, I say, this day received its death's
KEV. JAMES FRASEK. 187
wound ; so as I put on a thorough resolution never to use any of these games and lottery, and this so effectually, that from that day to ,this day I had never so much as an inclination to it, which before I could hardly forbear ; which gave me great peace after- wards.
§ 2. Nor were the immediate effects of this, while at home, less blessed : For, (1.) I found a greater wisdom, strength, and activity to go about civil business, which I could master now. (2.) I had some experience of the Lord's kindness in some afflictions and trials I met with at the same time, in supporting my spirit under them, and delivering my soul out of them wonderfully by his own imme- diate power ; which, if God had not done, any of them might do much to break me ; these did not in the least dismay me. (3.) I found afflictions doing me good, and the rod was giving me instruc- tion, and putting me to prayer in an extraordinary manner. My heart likewise was mortified to the world, and God was made sweet to me as my portion. (4.) I got some knowledge in the covenant of grace, the grounds of believing, the advantages thereof, and mo- tives to it. With this my spuit was most exercised, and, being called to another country, I expressed much cheerfulness in my life and spiritual strength in the Lord, crying out against discourage- ments and unbelief, and pressing faith, and showing the grounds thereof ; for I found the professors thereof to be altogether dis- couraged with unbelief and a spirit of bondage, for application of promises was counted presumption, and I cannot deny but I was some way useful to some of them. And their great unbelief and slavish spirit did make me think that ere long they would fall though they were eminent, and so it fell out. (5.) I began again to write diaries, and to walk more closely and circumspectly with God. (6.) Being very dead afterwards, I went under great indis- position to prayer at night, and I, through the Lord's providence, was put to meditate on the Lord's way of doing me good, and the communion I had with him at my first acquaintance. The Lord so blessed these thoughts that they strangely revived and stirred me up to a more vigorous following of God, which continued and in-
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creased for much of a quarter of a year, in which time I was fully growing. (7.) The Lord did put me now to meditate on more substantial truths than formerly, viz., the evil of sin, God's attri- butes, death, hell, and heaven, of indispositions, which did me much good. (8.) The buds of true sincerity and purity of ends and ac- tions were now appearing ; and I then began first to think that possibly I was converted. (9.) The Scriptures were exceeding sweet to me, and I began to see and feel more light, and power, and wisdom in them than ever before, especially the Epistle to the Romans, which did much stablish me in believing. Gifts increased, so was the outward conversation reformed. (10.) Several practical and speculative discourses which I did write, especially on afflic- tions, did me good; solitude, prayer, doing good to others, and strictness in walking, did me much good, so did my meditations on sin, on the attributes of God, on afflictions likewise.
§ 3. Although there was enmity set between me and my lusts, yet not being thoroughly mortified, and they getting leave, did make me unstable in my ways ; so that, like the sluggard, " I roasted not what I took in hunting," and beginning to succeed in some affairs, and carrying business, and growing in some estimation with others, my heart, not well balanced, was lifted up, and I was projecting great things to myself, and dealing imperiously with some under my power. Likewise some of my carnal relations at the same time being men of account, coming out of the South, and having ado with them, I but too much sought to humour them, and to comply with their fashions and sinfid customs of healthiug, which did much untune me, and wear away some of the former im- pressions.
§ 4. From all which I observe and learn these things : 1st, That faith is the life of a Christian and the main grace, Isa. Iv. 3 ; Hab. ii. 4; Rom. i. 17 ; Heb. x. 38 ; Gal. ii. 20. 2dly, That faith is wrought by the power of God, in which the soul is passive, though faith itself be an act of the soul ; for I was overpowered in believ- ing and drawn to God. 3dly, That faith hath a great influence on sanctification, so that one main reason of so little power against
REV. JAMES FBASEK. 189
sin, so little holiness in life and conversation, is the want of the ex- ercise of faith, and through a spirit of bondage, 1 Pet. i. 5 ; Mark ix. 19, 23 ; Heb. xi. 33. By faith righteousness is wrought, and all apostacy proceeds from a decay of faith. 4thly, Where Christ hath begun a good work, he will continue still to perfect it, Phil. i. 6. 5thly, Faith and every other grace is at first but very im- perfect, Matth. xiii. 31 — "like a grain of mustard-seed." 6thly, God doth not always deliver in that way and manner that is thought or designed by the poor soul itself, but in an unexpected and often- times contrary way. For I designed a fast to see if the Lord would break in with terror upon my soul, and that was the way by which I thought to return out of my backsliding, and, behold, the Lord helped, by pressing and helping to believe^ 2 Kings v. 11 ; Prov. iii. 5 ; Isa. Iv. 8. 7thly, Faith is the first grace in exercise, prior in time to any other, John vi. 29 ; Jer. xxxi. 19, " After I was turned, 1 smote upon my thigh." And he that would do any thing, let him fix his faith first, for " whatever is not done in faith is sin." 8thly, As faith and other graces have their flowings, so have they and will have their ebbings ; they have their winters and summers, none must expect constant and uninterrupted growth ; they have their witherings, that dependence and fresh application may be made to Christ, and that Christ for a renewed life may put a renewed obligation on the soul, Isa. xxxiii. 24 ; Psalm cii. 26 ; 1 Pet. i. 25. Let none expect constant health. It is said of the heavens, " Thou shalt change them, and they shall be changed." 9thly, Days and times set apart extraordinarily, on some extraor- dinary occasions, are exceeding useful and profitable (if not needful) to the preservation of a Christian life ; nor know I how folks can be Christians without it. There were occasional sacrifices as well as the daily burnt-offering, and days and times extraordinarily for ex- traordinary occasions. It is true, they are not stinted now under the Gospel, nor holy by precept as they were ; but there is this moral in them that yet obliges, that extraordinary mercies or troubles should have proportional extraordinary worship and ad- dress to God. For my own part, I cannot express how needful,
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yea, how profitable and necessary these days have been — what others may do I know not. And I look on the neglect of extraordinary address to God as one main cause why there are so many decayed, and are but high-way Christians.
SECTION IV.
Of some after troubles and decays that befell me^ and recoveries thereout, 1663.
§ 1. Being delivered now from all my fears, and my day clearing as to my sjsiritual condition and better hopes of temporal affairs, I was anew plunged in a sea of troubles when I did scarce dream of it. For falling out with some of my relations unadvisedly, and egged on by others, anent some civil matters, I pursued them at law, and spent more on it than the matter was worth, and that merely on the account of my credit and reputation. Where there wanted not diligence and success as to my part, but God put visible hinderances in the way, and I was led merely by my inclinations, and did not advise with the Lord. 2dly, At first, through want of occasions to pray, and manifold tcntations, and want of good company, and much distracted with what I intended, and quartering in a change- house, I fell in some considerable decay, and began to be remiss in my progress, and to grow dead, and dull, and untender, and the Lord's communications did dry up upon my soul, and now I began to forget former things ; and this continued July and August. 3dly, I changed my quarters in town, being unsatisfied with my former, and the inconvenience thereof, and took up my chamber in a godly man's house, an outed minister, where, through liis godly con- versation, and some more pains taken in duties, and his godly spiritual sermons on the Sabbath-day, and my withdrawing from hearing curates, but especially through the Lord's pouring out of his Spirit, and drawing near to my soul, I began again to recover, and in pro- cess of time not only recovered what I lost but much more. The unregarded vineyard was now looked to again, and communion
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with God set on foot, and my taste of spiritual truths returned again. Here I stayed till the middle of October. 4thly, One Sabbath-day especially, when alone, and at first perceiving nothing, and under great deadness, and upon the point of giving over, the Lord was pleased unexpectedly to draw near, and to concur so with my exercises, as that through the light of his Spirit I was made to see much of my good estate, and to behold the work of God in my soul, to discover the many mistakes I had that before kept me in darkness and bondage, through which I was so enlightened and strengthened that it was a recovery of health after sickness, and like the sun getting out from under the cloud ; in the strength of which I went afterwards, and by this day's exercise did much ad- vance in my journey. And the truths of the Lord then taught me were of special use ever afterwards to me. 5thly, I here likewise got some extraordinary visits from the Lord both in prayer and otker exercises, especially in reading of the Scriptures. But it was pressed on my spirit, and I was followed wdth it, " That bonds and afflictions were abiding me," which accordingly fell out. 6thly, I succeeded as to my business for which I came South, having got the law with much pains and expenses against those who did com- pete with me, they not striving much against it, but going another way to work. 7thly, Here, likewise, taking but too great a liberty to converse with Quakers, I was, through some of their insinuations and reading of their books, tempted to join vnth them, and a great stir upon my spirit. But going to pray to God, and recommend- ing my staggering spirit to him, the Lord made such a light to slaine in my soul from his word, that did let me see the utter evil of their way, and how cross it was to God's will, the danger and inconsistency of it wdth salvation, so as I was made to look on them as the greatest enemies to Christ of any he had, and the effects of the wTath of God to punish such as had not received the truth in love. This was a week's exercise to me. The means were prayer, submission, seasonably suggested Scriptures, and some meditation on their way ; but that which did most alienate me from them was, I saw them more zealous for spreading their opinion than drawing
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to Christ. I saw or heard little of his praises in their mouths ; the end of their conversation was not Christ. 2dly, I thought on the main controverted principles, and clearly saw them of the devil. I looked on the inward testimony and guiding of the Spirit (as they say) in the heai*t, but as a device "of Satan to cast off the Scri[>- tures, that he, deluding their spirits, and they -giving way to their own corrupt imaginations, might close with any evil he should sug- gest ; and besides, I saw it flat contrary to the Scriptures by which Christ was led, and which were given that we might believe and learn to fear God. 3dly, They denied the sovereignty of God in maintaining free-will and all in man's power, which I saw mani- festly cross to the Scriptures, 4thly, I saw clearly that they walked in a covenant of works ; for their way of justification and happiness was only taking heed to the light within, and obeying it, and by so doing to come to eternal life ; and this I could never digest. 5thly, I looked on their casting aside a standing ministry and ordinances, and not praying but when the Spirit moveth, as so many hellish inventions of Satan, and great presumptuous arrogan- cy, and the effects of a slothful spirit, and the design of all to draw from the simplicity of the Gospel. 6thly, I saw they walked by sense and feeling, and not by faith. 7thly, I saw and considered that those that they made their prey were ordinarily but only old jaded professors, that never found the constant satisfying sweetness of their own religion, and in time wearying of it, and not able to resist the strong temptations of spiritual enemies, and in a word wanting rest in Christ, because never truly united to him, have in time withered, and, like the unclean spirit, seeking rest and finding none, have here at last stumbled. Nor have I ever been stumbled at any who fell that way, being known to have sense predominant in them that in time would lead them to it. In a word, I never knew any extraordinary tender walker, and knowing, continuing so, that stumbled in this ; and this delusion seemed to me to be a particular judgment on adulterous professors, wliereas the Gospel takes and apprehends all sorts. 8thly, I considered, that if there was any thing commendable in them, such as tlieir unwillingness
REV. JAMES FIIASER. 193
to pmy rashly, but in the Spirit, their waiting and close attending on the Spirit, their mortification to the world, their self-denial, their sobriety and temperance in all things, their freedom in re- proving all sorts, and their diligence in exhorting all — I say, if there was any thing like this cohimendable in them, our own prin- ciples did lead us to these things, however we generally in our practice come short ; and I looked on this foolish people as stirred up of God to upbraid his own people, and to teach them these things which they so much press. These things, wdth their per- sonal infirmities and weakness which I observed, with other reasons which I now remember not, through the Lord's blessing had such influence as made me utterly abhor them, the Lord in all this in- structing me with a strong hand.
§ 2. During this time likewise I began to forsake the prelates and curates, and did forbear to hear them. The steps by wliicli I went were, 1. For a long time I heard without any scruple, but never could I get any good, and I found the outward ordinances do me less good than formerly ; yea, when privately, I got good ; nor could I after examination find any cause in me of this. 2. The curate's preaching did me iU at last, insomuch, that when I would come to sermon in any frame, I would come from it dead and heartless ; and, when I went indisposed, I would be far worse. Thus I continued for a long time ; and many times I observed this, but could not imagine the cause : yet at length I was suspicious that this might be the cause, especially Avhen withdrawing became a doubtsome case in the kingdom, which began to be about the time that there was an act made against it. 3. Suspecting the matter, I began to examine it ; and at first view my affections began to be engaged for the negative, ere yet my judgment was determined : and, by looking to it, I found the weakness of the chief grounds for hearing, by considering that the naked act of preaching was not an ordinance of God (otherwise Avomen, mad- men, cliildren, yea, and devils, could preach) unless by men sent. I saw likewise that the Church could not make choice of them whom God had in his word discharged. I saw likewise that we VOL, II. N
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niiglit separate from those that were never excommunicate. I was convmced likewise that the true visible Church did not stand so much in the multitude as in the serious professors of the truths of God ; and that these few, continuing faithful, were rather to be followed than the multitude. Having laid these principles, a door was open. 4. I went a good while contraiy to my inclinations ; and one day going, I was compelled to return back again, and durst not for terror go forwards. Upon which I prayed to God, that if he were displeased with my going, he would give me some sign thereof, and that he might be pleased to bless my private exercises ; which the Lord did, so as, in one afternoon while private, I gained more life and knowledge of God than I did a whole year before ; by which I was much confinned. 5. About the same time many providential considerations had influence with me ; the universality of the godly and tenderest leaving them daily ; the extraordinary influence of God's Spirit on myself and others when separate from them ; some sad consequences following such as did hear them ; as likewise, I heard and knew of some under exercise for hearing of them, which much confirmed me, and made me think that God did own us in not hearing. I foimd that made out to me, " Be ye separate, and I will be a father to you." 6. By searching into the matter as a case of conscience, I found positive grounds for judging " withdrawing from them" a season- able duty ; as the frequent commands of God, to " separate from," to " let alone," and " beware of," and " flee from" corrupt guides, John x. 5 ; Mat. xv. 14. I thought the consequence of hearing to be a hardening and strengthening of them in their courses, and a destruction to the work of God : I looked on it as against natm'e to join and keep fellowship with such rebels, that were so signally and avowedly against the Lord in anns ; and I thought love to God compelled me to leave them. I likewise looked on hearing of them, (as it was an act of worship,) an owning of the authority of prelates ; for " he that reccivcth you, receiveth me ; and he that re- ceiveth me, receiveth him that sent me." For obedience to officers, when it is active, is an acknowledgment of their authority. I con- ceived I was otherwise bound by the covenant. And, lastly, I
REV. JAMES PRASER. 195
judged my respect to the poor people of God, and who were gene- rally injured for this cause, should make me run into them, and take the same lot with them in life or death, especially seeing they suffered upon that account. 7. Being to die, there was nothing that in my conscience got such an approbation from God as my separation from them. And, 8. To confirm all, I besought God by fasting on a day of humiliation set apart on purpose for this effect, beseeching God to reveal his mind unto me in this case ; the result of which was, that there were new grounds given me of separation from them, and my former grounds confirmed ; so that I continued in a separation from them to this day. Thus was I drawn from curates, and by these means, being now six years almost since I first left them.
§ 3. And now, being a little strengthened, and looking for good days, a cloud came and darkened my sky ; for a grievous storm of outward afflictions did break out, which did indeed win into my soul, and which did increase and draw my former afflictions to a head; the steps of which were these, (1.) The great law business for which I came South, and had gotten done, was at once casten in the hows^ by those whose names I had borrowed to the pursuit, they discharging it ; by which means my reputation was lost, and what I should gain by it ; as likewise all my preparations against some debitors were made void, and I looked on this at that time no less than the loss of L.20,000. (2.) I lost through my absence from the North, and want of advertisement South, 800 merks per annum, which were comprised formerly, and now recovered by the credi- tors, which afterwards I strove to hinder all I could, and to regain, but all in vain, and to no purpose, but laying out of needless expenses ; so as I behoved to live on my mother's bounty, and had not wherewith to spend or do business. (3.) And, to help this, other 200 merks per annum were evicted from me about the same time, through want of money to defend it, and bad securities. (4.) Nor was this enough. After I came home I could not get rest nor freedom to enjoy myself, but was charged before two courts at one
^ Thrown down, rendered unavailing.
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time ino8t violently, for no less than 12,000 merks alleged due by my father, and a wTongoiis ejection, which kept me continually travelling, and put me to great charges to maintain these two actions, being likewise at the same time charged South. (5.) There were likewise some small debts which I was OAving here and there, extending in aU to L.IOOO, for which I was daily harassed by several persons, so that South, North, East, and West, I could not turn me where I had not a creditor, — Avhich I confess troubled me more than all the rest, as having my credit engaged therein ; and that which I had ordered to pay them was taken away, nor knew I what to do. One mercy I had, my health was continued. (6.) Nothing now remained of all my father's great fortune but a small wadset of sixteen chalders, liferented likewise by my mother. And about the same time a new (though an unjust) adversary charges both her and me for 36,000 merks, and a reduction of our rights ; so that our whole livelihood w^as either gone or at the stake. For four years did this adversary vex us, and was like to have undone us as to our temporal condition, had not the Lord prevented. (7.) To this was added contempt and reproach ; I was the table-talk of the times then ; " Behold a man smitten of God." I was a sign and wonder ; the people of God were grieved ; my nearest and surest friends forsook and looked strange on me, of whose kindness now I had proof, and whom of purpose I tried, though I knew they w^ould not help me; I was as a burden to them, and by them despised. And whoever had anything to say, did now strike in against me ; my enemies rejoiced, and myself at first was sore sunken. (8.) And, to complete all, there was no returning to him that smote me, and my strokes felled me, and at first I decayed in my spiritual condition ; and thus was my spiritual condition fi'om October to January 1665 ; all things w^ere low both spiritually and temporally. § 4. The causes of these my troubles were either outward or from myself. The outward causes were, my authors' bad securities in their heritages, which were questioned in my time. 2. My father's cautionary for others, which hath been 48,000 merks out of my way. 3. His dying so soon, and leaving me so young. 4. The unskilfulness and negligence of those whom he intrusted with
REV. JAMES ERASER. 197
the management thereof; for nothing was looked to after he was gone, and all was destroyed ere I was twenty years of age. 5. Evil friends, some slighting us and denying us help ; others, out of envy to my father, employing all their power to harm us, which succeeded. 6. Evil times, so as I durst scarce appear to do any thing, those whom I had to do with being in court, and I being hated for my principles ; and all things went by moyen and brib- ing, so as I was forced to agree with them in the terms they pleased. Secondly, The cause inward from myself was sin; as, 1. I suppose my relations' sins had influence on tliis storm, for I found great freedom in confessing them. 2. We were a professing family, and did not walk suitably thereunto, but like the world. 3. My carnality, and desires to be great with men, and my too much esteeming, prizing, and desiring of outward greatness and comforts. 4. Faithlessness in dealing with others, seeking by law-tricks to secure our interests, and dissimulation in bargaining. 5. Not acknowledging of God in all our ways, but doing aU tilings with- out his advice, and running to this or the other outward help.
6. Pride, and stoutness of heart, which God hath been crushing.
7. Breach of vows and engagements, especially of dedicating myself to the service of God in the ministry. 8. Incorriglbleness under ordinances, convictions, and lesser judgments ; therefore did the Lord take the rod, Exod. xx. 5 ; Job v. 4, 5. (2.) Amos iii. 2 ; Ezek. xxxvi. 20. (3.) Isa. Ivii. 17 ; Jer. vi. 12, 13. (4.) Jer. vi. 13. (5.) Hos. viii. 3, 4 ; Isa. xxxi. 1. (6.) James iv. 6 ; Isa. xxviii. 1. (7.) Eccles. v. 4, 5. (8.) Amos iv. 6; Isa. vi. 9, 11. Thirdly, The Lord's ends were, as I suppose, 1st, To reform and heal me, Isa. xxvii. 9. 2dly, To humble my heart, and break it ; to break the pride, stoutness, hardness, and lightness thereof, Deut. viii. 2. 3dly, To deaden me to the world, and to friends and relations ; and therefore made me find such bitterness, vexation, vanity, and disappointments from it. No friend or relation ever I had but failed and disobliged me, Hos. ii. 6, 7 ; Micah ii. 10. 4thly, To give me experience of his love in delivering me out of all these troubles, and supporting me under them, Rom. v. 3, 4, 5, to do me good in my latter end, Deut. viii. 15, 16, to prepare me for this.
1 98 MEMOIRS OF THE
5thly, That I might be fitted and enabled to du'ect and comfort others in their afflictions, 2 Cor. i. 4. Gthly, To di-aw me to him- self, and seek him more earnestly, Isa. xxvi. 8. 7thly, To keep me from rotting and dying, and to hold me waking ; therefore hath he been constantly exercising me, Isa. xxxviii. 16. " By these things shall men live." 8thly, To learn, exercise, and increase faith and patience, James i. 2, 3. 9tlily, To keep me with himself in these times, and to preserve me from the snares of an evil time, which now I find rich men exposed unto. And, indeed, I found much good by all these dispensations ; for by the sadness of the countenance I find my heart bettered and mortified to the world, and I drawn nearer to God, and kept waking, and have experience of the Lord's goodness, so that I may say,'" It is good for me that I have been afflicted." One thing I am sure of, I would never have kythed so much for him as I do now. In a word, the Lord hath so blessed his rod to me, as I find all these ends and fruits of righteousness wrought on me, so as I may say, I had perished unless I had perished, (periissem nisi periissem.) The world and the " prosperity of fools hath destroyed" many ; " they have no changes, and, therefore, fear not God ;" and " they are settled on their lees." Blessed be the Lord for inward and outward exer- cises and troubles.
§ 5. I learn and observe these things: (1.) Outward prosperity puffs up the heart, Deut. xxxii. 15. (2.) As a man thrives in the world, so hath he friends in the world ; I found their kindness ebb and flow as my fortune did. Lam. i. 8 ; Ezek. xvi. 37. (3.) When God afflicts, it is in earnest and not in jest, Ezek. ii. 4, 5 ; 1 Sam. iii. 12 ; Jer. iv. 12, a full wind, and vi. 19, I felt this storm. (4.) There is need of great heaviness ; light strokes vnll not do the tm'n, and therefore the furnace is made the hotter. (5.) It is the ordi- nary lot of God's people, and they must lay their account with it, to find trouble in and from the world, John xvi. ^dt. " Through much tribulation we must enter into the kingdom of God." (6.) All inventions and means are in vain to deliver out of trouble till the acceptable year come. " In vain shaft thou use many medi-
REV. JAMES FEASEE. 199
cines." All means were broken. (7.) The storms of God's people may last long, so as they may be put to cry, " How long ?" and their whole years spent in sigliing, Psal. xiii. 1. (8.) The want of the company of God's people is a great evil, and a great step to defection ; I found the loss of it. Eccl. iv. 10, " Woe to him that is alone." (9.) Their company is a great mercy, and a blessed mean to beget life, 1 Pet. iii. 1, to maintain it and recover life, Eccl. iv. 9, 10, 11, 12. Through good company I recovered again. (10.) No greater curse than for a man to get his will and desires in the world. I ever got a wound when I had the desires of my heart ; then leanness was sent to my soid. (11-) Whatever sin the Lord lets go with his people, yet will he not let pride go with them. I was seeldng to be great in the world, James iv. 6 ; 2 Chron. xxxii. 25. (12.) Ordinarily men at first get no good by afflic- tions, but are rather worse, and are felled under them, Hosea ii. 6, 7 ; Isa. Ivii. 17. (13.) The crosses of the people of God are still and ever sanctified unto them reaUy, " for it shall accom- plish that whereunto it is sent," and therefore they are blessed things. "It is good for me that I have been afflicted," Heb. xii. 11. (14.) The good is not presently seen, though it be, but there is much corruption seen ; God doth good, though we see it not. " They knew not that I healed them," Hosea xi. 3. "In the latter end ye shall consider it." (15.) God shows much mercy in afflic- tion ; he lays it not on till they be able to bear it, and he " stays his rough wind in the day of his east wind." The Lord gave some mitigation and a breathing time, and strengthened the soul, and by his visitations upheld it, Ps. cxxxviii. 3, lest they should be swal- lowed up of grief and sorrow. (16.) As the people of God are graciously exercised under trouble, so doth there much ill blood came out too. I dare not say but grace was exercised, but Oh how much corruption was there ! how much fainting, murmuring, unbe- lief, and seeking to carnal means was there ! and how slowly did my dross go away ! (17.) The beginning of a Christian warfare and life is the hardest, and the entry is straitest. " The latter end is peace;" " to do thee good in thy latter end." (18.) Sin and afflic-
200 MEMOIRS OF THE
tions do ordinarily tryst together, and sin is the sting of crosses ; " The sting of death is sin." A proud, murmuring, sinful heart makes weights and burdens painfid. (19.) God's love is more seen in comforting and strengthening under trouble than in dehvering from it, Luke xii. 32. (20.) God is the only comforter of his people under afflictions. " In thee the fatherless findeth mercy ; in me ye shall have peace."
SECTION V.
Of my Recovery out of Decays and Afflictions.
§ 1. Being in this forsaken and desolate case, and none to pity, it pleased the Lord to look upon me, and to give my soul a resting- place when forsaken of all others ; he was the only friend in adver- sity. (L) He strengthened my soul by comfortable words, allay- ing thereby the extremity of my afflictions, — then did he say unto me, " Wliy art thou disquieted ?" Is there any thing but what is ordinary befallen thee ? Are there not many thousands that would change conditions with thee ? All this is but bairn's-play to what others have suffered. Is it not good that thou art thus afflicted ? Thou hast much of Christ's compassion, and pity, and tenderness ; it may be he will do thee good for this. It is good that this is the vengeance he takes for all that thou hast done, — " Chastened of the Lord, that thou mayest not be condemned with the world." Poor soul, what hast thou lost ? Thy loss hath been only the things of the world, in which no part of thy happiness doth consist. Art thou not in thy Father's hand ? and will not thy Tutor order all things well ? Men and devils can do no more than he prescribes, and dost thou fear evil from that airth ? And shouldst thou not bear all that comes from him ? But consider further, wouldst thou yet exchange states with the mad world ? All thy adversaries, in all likelihood, that are now making merry, are to burn in hell for ever. Is thy misery any thing to these ? Wait, therefore, upon God. A little time will blow over this storm, it is so violent that it
KEV. JAJVIES FKASEK. 201
cannot last long. And though thy case be very sad, yet is it not beyond the reach of God's power ; yea, for all this thou shalt bless the day that ever thou wast afflicted. Afflictions are good things, else had they never been left in legacy by Christ, nor promised in the new covenant. With these and the like considerations was my soul several times in my extremity refreshed and allayed. (2.) I would get much ease sometimes by pouring out of my soul to God in prayer, and showing him my case, which at first I could not win unto. (3.) I had general letters of loosing arrestments; some persons were left out ; I was counselled, in respect it was just, and did pro- ceed upon an omission and sloth, to insert and interline the other persons, and to execute it particularly. To which I condescended at first, but afterwards I had scruples of it, imagining it to be ille- gal ; and though it was just, yet there should be so much respect to the law as not to contravene it or to lie on it. Being in this strait, and bound for two days' space, I could get none prayed, the Lord thereby showing himself displeased with such a procedure. I did all I could to clear my conscience, but the more was I bound and straitened ; and to satisfy my conscience my will could not condescend. Thus was I racked betwixt conscience and interest, each of them imprisoning me. At last I prayed to the Lord, that with his power he woidd bow my will to his. The Lord heard, and convinced me of the sinfulness and inconveniency of the thing, and of my duty. Well, then, quoth I, as delivered from a prison, though I should lose 10,000 merks by it, I will not displease the Lord's deputy ; let me have war with all, but peace with God, let the hazard and prejudice be what it can ; and thereupon immedi- ately and fvdly resolved to forego my interest, and leave the Lord to recompense me. Which, when I had once win unto, immedi- ately there came a sweet calm into my soul, access to God, my mouth opened in prayer, my bonds loosed, my spirit comforted and strengthened, and an extraordinary sweetness found in com- plying with the Lord's will, and, at the same time, strengthened to bear all my burdens, and cheerfully to undergo them ; got light what to do, so as the next day I execute what I resolved, my
202 MEMOIRS OF THE
friends in the meantime cliiding with me, and thinking me a gone man that stood on such a scruple. (4.) Quickly did the Lord re- ward me even outwardly ; for my adversary that had charged me for a spulzie, and had it to his probation before the Sheriif-com't, insisting violently ; and I, ignorant what defences to make, had in my company a registrate horning, which I accidentally and without premeditation (God putting it in my mind at the same time) did cast in, by which he, being the King's rebel, was incapacitate from pursuing me. And the Lord so ordered it that he never after compeared to trouble me, by which means I was delivered from a loss and a fashery, and had but one court to wait upon. (5.) Being pursued before the Commissar-court likewise for 9000 merks resting by my father, the Lord in that showed me kindness, notwithstanding of the greatness of the sum, the power, knowledge, influence, and ac- tivity of my adversary ; and notwithstanding his process was very well fixed, and that I wanted money, and none to lend me from whom I was wont to borrow, and had no skill in law matters then, (I was then like the setting sun in my declining days, and looked on as a despised branch, withered, that would never grow again ; and that every one thought the decreet should be quickly pro- nounced against me, yea, and myself every day in daily expectations thereof,) yet it pleased God to stir up a stranger to lend me money, to provide unexpected defences in some books of law, wherein my case would at first start up, and therefrom be provided with what to say in law against the next day. The time for a whole half-year, in which ordinarily every week there was a com- pearance, was protracted ; and when at last I was adjudged to swear or otherwise be decerned, and I refusing lest I should offend others, though I was clear in the matter ; the very day in which sentence was to be pronounced against me, by threatening the judges with casting in a homing against them, I got them for that day to delay it. Which horning I came very accidentally by, and so not only got it delayed, but my adversary, wearied with such delays, and his commission at the same time taken away, he gave over the pursuit, and never further troubled me till this day ; and I
REV. JAMES ERASER. 203
got, partly by reading and partly by pleading and hearing the form, a competent measure of knowledge in the law.
§ 2. At the same time I was growing in my spiritual condition, recovering out of my decays, and increasing in faith, in diligence, and in strength ; likewise the evidence of regeneration, in the duty of examination was discovered, mistakes cleared, and buds of the new nature did appear above ground ; the Scriptures were very sweet, occasions of meeting with God seldom in vain ; this I had to counterbalance my outward troubles, so that, as the Lord did bear down with one hand, he supported with the other. One time in F. I was strongly enlightened in the mystery of the Trinity; another night I was so taken up with the thoughts of the love of Christ, and refreshed, that I awaked the whole winter night admir- ing Christ, and praying with suitable affection, and at other times would spend two or three hours in prayer. Likewise, at the same time, writing on the Scriptures, I received much light, clearness, and sweetness, (we were then living in a burrows town.) Several extraordinary visits would the Lord bestow on me, remembering my afflictions, by which I would oftentimes be carried above the world. I wrote at tliis time a complete treatise of afflictions and of conversion, as likewise finished a treatise concerning the Scrip- tures almost, and wrote several things on the attributes of God, and some other miscellanies, in which I was extraordinarily assisted, and Avith which I was very much benefited ; and although there was but one professor in the town, and he clothed with many weak- nesses, yet did I find great advantage in his company, in praying together and conferring. I lilicwise remember this, that the Lord would be very kind to me (whilst others were at sermon on the Lord's day) in private, and when others would revile me, and look down upon me, and taunt me, and vex me ; so as, when friends looked aloof, the Lord would draw near ; insomuch that I knew not when I profited more than now.
§ 3. When we came home again, the Lord was no less kind to me, yea, exceeded ; and I was daily admitted to nearer and nearer fellowship with himself. And wherever I was, God was M'ith me.
204 MEMOIRS OF THE
and continued thus till October. 1. Writing several meditations did me much good, and speaking unto the family. 2. About this time did I begin to study faith and the covenant of grace. And one time, from Rom. v., and from the consideration of baptism, v^^as I mightily strengthened in assurance and confidence, and " the joy of the Lord" did I find to be " mv strength." 3. Another time, setting some time apart one afternoon for examining my condition, though at first I was very indisposed, yet the Lord so shined and countenanced me, as that evidences were very clear, and I found undoubted marks of sanctification, with which I was so enlightened and refreshed, that in the strength thereof I walked many days. 4. I discovered a marvellous and great depth in the covenant of grace ; I was much enlightened and strengthened in the ex- tent, freedom, and excellency thereof. I saw it a very rational thing to believe, and among other considerations that did much strengthen me, this was one, that God required no other thing than to be content ; so that, if I were content, I needed not doubt. And why do I mourn for want of Christ, (said I,) if I be not con- tent? And I thought and supposed, and put it home to my own soul, if Christ would come do\^^^ from heaven, and draw up such a covenant, wherein himself and all things were promised, would I willingly subscribe this covenant ? The Lord one night began to apply this very strongly and clearly. Why dost thou not this ? It was " a night to be much remembered" for ever. After going to bed, in August, the Lord did so clear the covenant of grace, and by his Spirit made me (at first dull and weak) apply and consent, and feed upon these privileges as mine. Are all these things yours ? quoth the Spirit, why dost thou not feed upon them ? Why dost thou not "dehght thyself in fatness ?" Thou complainest of the want of life, strength, and comfort. Why dost thou not come to the fire, that thou mayest be warm ? Here's the Lord's security for what thou wantest. If thou hadst thy friend's secm'ity for money, thou wouldst be glad ; and hast thou not the Lord's in thy Bible ? and may not heaven, Christ, and holiness, satisfy thee ? And with this there came such a mighty gale of the Spirit that took away all my
REV. JAMES FRASER. 205
confusions, that made my soul apply Christ and all his benefits, answered all my objections so fully and cleariy, and made me strongly to apply the promises ; insomuch that I found Christ a sweet and satisfying thing ; I found his flesh meat indeed, and his blood drink indeed ; all fears were driven away ; the Gospel privi- leges appeared exceeding sweet, so as I spent the whole night in prayer and praising and rejoicing, wishing now for the morning, that I might do mightily for the Lord. My very body was weak- ened witli the abundance of the joy of faith, arising from a sense of an interest in God. I was likewise very evangelical in my actings, considering all actions as the Lord's service, and myself and all things the Lord's ; Avalking in great peace and glorifying God, en- deavouring to encourage others. I now began to think how to lay a bar on the doors, to keep the Lord Jesus that he should not de- part again. I thovight the covenant of grace would be an everlast- ing foundation of peace ; there was more sweetness found in duties than ordinarily, and more strength to glorify him, and greater peace and serenity of mind, though my daily wanderings did continue, and I was not altogether fixed, a storm behoved to do that. Like- wise at the same time I received much knowledge and comfort from Mr Goodwine's works, especially in his Growth of Grace, which an- swered, as face doth to face, to the frame of my spirit. The Lord's dealings with me now I have written largely elsewhere in my daily diary.
§ 4. Six days after this was Satan let loose, and he brangled all my evidences and comforts. The grounds were, because I found not after some time the comfortable and satisfying sense of these things remaining upon my spirit ; and, next, because it came not after deep humiliation and horrors ; and, lastly, because many of my old sins continued, as likewise there were some apprehensions of wrath immediately darted upon my soul, which at first staggered me, and made me hang down the head as I used to do. But then I thought, it is childish with the first view of things to be cast down, and to be over credulous, and led like a child by my blind apprehensions. What know I but Satan may have a hand in this ?
206 MEMOIRS OF THE
I will therefore try this, and look ere I leap, and examine the mat- ter ere I conclude any thing, and so resolved to ding out the bottom of it ; and, therefore, I began to say unto my soul, " Why art thou cast down ?" And after inquiry I found the cause of my trouble to be doubting under the apprehensions of unsoundness, and that there was never a real work wrought upon my spirit. I further examined what ground was for this, and what made this continual struggle in my spirit. Gen. xxv. 22, and after search I found it to be, because at first there was not a clear humbling work continuing tin the glorious revelation of Jesus to the soul. I proceeded to try what strength or truth was in this, and I found a falsehood in the objection, and grounded upon a mere imagination and allege- ance, seeing by search I found out a substantial work of humilia- tion and preparation, though it did not agree in all circumstances with that work which hath been in others. I discovered this but darkly at first, but more clearly afterwards. I began to think why the Lord contended with me, and did seem to be angry. In prayer it was revealed to me that I might stand in awe, and fear, and not be so bold in sinning against him, and to count sin a weighty mat- ter, Exod. XX. 20. I lastly began to think what shoidd be my present carriage, and I thought three or four things were very clearly and sweetly recommended to me : 1. Not to give over, or despair. 2. Not to murmur, or fret, or quarrel with God, but by quiet submission to yield unto him, and keep silence before him.
3. Not to quit duty, but ever in the use of means to wait on him.
4. To be watchful against sin, and not to make my breach greater than it was. Through this exercise, and solid conclusion laid, much of the venom of my exercise was taken away, and Satan, finding me thus buckled, did leave me, and tempted no more. It ended, that in reading a comfortable practical book, the Lord touched my affections, and drew me to himself, and comforted me, and by the shining of the light of his countenance on my soul, all troubles evanished, and I was made at the same time to see, that I not only had grace, but there was sensible progress and growth in it.
§ 5. There followed upon this a certain decay during the space
REV. JAJMES FRASER. 207
of a year; this was about the end of 1664, and continued till the end of 1665, during which time I was usually, though not always, at home. Now, this decay was but from that height of spiritual joy, evangelicalness in working, and degrees in communion with God ; there were more tentations, less peace within, and less pro- gress made in the ways of God ; so as I was made to live upon my old stock. Attempts, when any were made, were frustrate, and things which formerly relished had now no savour at all. It came hereby to pass, that much dumpishness was upon my spirit, and duties had no effect, so that I accounted the year 1665 an un- fortunate year. God had so long not looked upon me that I thought I was clean forgotten. Yet, notwithstanding, all this time there was diligence in duties, and some visits, quickenings, and encourage- ments, and yet far below what I formerly received. Visitations were neither so great nor the impressions so lasting. The procur- ing causes of which were, 1. My going fi'om home, where I had freedom from trouble, much company and comforts to take up my heart, as likewise my too great familiarity with a conformist, and dehghting too much in his company. Pro v. xiii. 20, whereby his company was cursed to me. 2. Sensuality when from home, and little minding of God. 3. There was much pride in despising of others, and thinking too much of myself and of my attainments, and something of a supercilious carriage ; therefore did the Lord bring me low. 4. Evil company, and going to places where I had no call, which did much prejudice. I was all this time wrestling to get out of the pit, but was more engaged, conflicting with some horrors of darkness, writing several things of faith, on obedience, on Christ's yoke. On diligence, on Christ and his offices, taking- pains on the family ; there was not much of the care of the world intrusted to me. I likewise was encouraging of others.
§ 6. But God, that loved me once, did continue to love me to the end, and after many days visited me, so as I not only recovered my former health, but set further forward than ever I was, thus, 1. By opening the covenant of grace more clearly than ever, and how that Christ was the covenant of the people, and that all stood
208 MEMOIRS OF THE
in him, and fell in him ; and that he only was the ground of their joy, hope, and confidence. And that God was first in the obliga- tion of the covenant of grace, and that there was no tie on the creature, but the same the creature had on God. And I remember one time in private, the offer of Christ was made appear so real, clear, and full to me, and my duty of receiving so manifest, that I did very sensibly and really accept thereof, which I thought was Christ dwelling in the heart by faith. 2. At the same time I spoke in the family on the first eleven chapters to the Romans, and read Paul's Epistles through ; by which I discovered a new light of justification that I never perceived before, and of the law, and of the combat betwixt the flesh and Spirit. 3. I received much strength from some private fasts I kept, to the number of three, or four, or five, never using that duty in vain. 4. About the same time in that month I had frequent occasion of converse with godly, able, and exercised Christians, some of them being in soul-trouble at the time, by which many meetings Avere kept, and therein some- thing of God, whereby I was much bettered. Though in the meantime I found not the sensible effects of these occasions, yet
did they me good insensibly. 5. I w^ent to being called
thereunto, and helped with extraordinary prayer before, and there was assisted to encourage others and exhort, and Avas helped to shine in a gospel conversation. And here I was counselled to set up one other sail, for before I prayed but twice a day, I here re- solved to set some time apart at mid-day for this effect, and, obeying this, I found the effects to be wonderful. Here I began to learn patience and the nature of repentance, as likewise studied and exer- cised my former lessons of faith. 6. And there being a semicon- formist there who was a little tricky, had carried in reference to the public tunes with a great deal of carnal wisdom, gravity, and piety, and so [was] in no little esteem, but then under a sad decay, which might easily be perceived by any discerning Christian ; he pre- tended love for the people of God, but had secretly complied with the adversary, and besides did come to synods. I was of nature suspicious, and very easily fomid him out, and knowing he had
1
REV. JAMES ERASER. 209
contbrmed and juggled others, and finding him all out of order, the Lord did put it on me to hear him. I first spoke to him privately, then before two friends, and at last with a great deal of reluctance I refused to hear him ; this was marked by others, and some esteem I had in the country did by these means break his esteem and credit in the country, so as, finding his estimation fallen while he kept the prelates' courts, he was forced at last to forsake them. And the Lord abundantly rewarded this my witnessing for him, for leaving the country and coming home, the Lord drew me so strongly to himself as the neck of indispositions was broken, and I made to close fully and lieartily with Christ and his work, esteem- ing it only glorious, so as my heart was never in a better frame, never more assurance and singleness of heart, never more strength to do or suffer for God, never more mortification to the world, and sweetness in the ways of God ; and now was I fully resolved always and in all places to glorify him. Thus was I in my height, in which time the mystery of tlie covenant of grace and of faith was more and more revealed to me, my spirit elevated to an higher measure of conformity to God's will ; my mistakes and objections were daily falling away as the scales from Paul's eyes, and the signs of sanctification were piece and piece appearing, and I thought that ever since the time I acted faith formerly, my day was clear- ing, and the longer I travelled I found the way the heartsomer, and my light and glory increased beside what it was in the former days and in my wilderness condition. All this time outward troubles and wants continued, though the burden and weight and gnawings of this serpent were abated, only God stayed his rough wind ; they lay on, but did neither increase nor trouble.
§ 7. I only observe, (1.) AVhen all the world forsakes, then the Lord takes up ; and the world's time of loathing is his time of love. I found shelter from him when forsaken of all. (2.) It is " in him the fatherless findeth mercy." I had no friend but him, IIos. xiv. 8. (3.) It is ordinary with the members to be in distress when the body is unwell. Zion the mother was ill now, and in great distress; and no wonder T should have conformity witli her. VOL. ir. o
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" Visit me with tlie gladness of thy people." (4.) God's way of manifesting his love in trouble is rather by supporting and com- forting under trouble, than in delivering out of it. (5.) Divine consolations and visitations are a sufficient support under, and delivery out of trouble ; for, though outward wants continued, yet the evil and sting of them was by the Lord's kindness to my spirit perfectly removed, even as though I had not been afflicted. (6.) Piety hath the " promises of this life and of that which is to come." For I find, that as I turned to God, so he showed mercy outwardly to me, I got deUverances in my extremity ; and besides, adversaries, though they were lying upon me, yet did no evil. (7.) A Christian life is not one constant course, but hath various changes in it, living and dying, rejoicing and sorrowing, growing and decaying. It is the wicked that " have no changes, and therefore fear not God." And this is, that the manifold wis- dom of God, and the various graces of his people, might appear ; and to keep them unsettled here, that they might be in a constant watch. (8.) It is not a vain thing to seek the Lord ; for I never found but some extraordinary thing when I sought him extra- ordinarily. (9.) A Christian grows and decays as his faith grows and decays. (10.) Meditation and study of the covenant of grace, the gospel, Christ, and faith, I found a most profitable and mightily sanctifying thing. (11.) To cast out with the world, and bear the reproach of Christ, is a mighty profitable thing ; " He that shall so lose his life shall find it." (12.) God is never kinder than when I am imder great loads. This is the great advantage of an afflicted condition, that the Lord pities most, and shoAvs most kindness then. And the more of the world's consolations, there is the less of Christ's consolations ; and, therefore, in this the evils of the world are prized above the good thereof. (13.) God first learns to bear trouble, then delivers out of trouble. God will ever keep his peo- ple, that they be not ovcnA'helmed in trouble ; and, when they can bear it, will at last show his poAver and good-Avill in delivering them out of it : for, after all this, I was not only upholden, but likewise delivered from my considerable A^exations. (14.) There is never
KEY. JAMES FRASEU. 211
jierfectlon to a man ; in his best, some sin, some want, some enemy is remaining, that will very quickly mingle itself in all the wines of the saints. Perfection is only in heaven ; here we should rejoice with trembling, here is, therefore, perpetual sorroAv and conflicting.
SECTION VI.
OJ o tliirdjlcvy trial I endured for ten icechs space, and how supported and delivered.
There was nothing I remember had ever such influence to setth; me as this last storm, which continued very bitter, violent, and sharp during the space of ten weeks, in which my spirit was the most seriously exercised of any time I know ; of which I shall speak but briefly, seeing I have it largely set do-\ra elsewhere. It was soul-trouble and disquietment I was under, with apprehensions of ^\Tath, and violent tentations of Satan. ,
§ 1. The grounds and occasions whereof were, 1. Considering grace to be so excellent a thing, as it is called the Divine Nature, I not seeing this glory so as to be amazed thereat, but, on the con- trary, finding such wildness, concluded I wanted it. Where is the glory ? said I. Are these prayers, affections, duties, and exercises, the Divine Nature ? 2. In examining my evidences, I found objec- tions against them, and none could bear water, or could at that time give me powerful, comfortable, demonstrative evidence. 3. I was pressed to some difficult duties, much contrary to my incKn- ations ; which were, in a word, to take up arms against the world, and to reprove every man and woman, and be free with them anent their estates, and to make this my trade of life ; and, because I could not comply with this, I apprehended I was not sincere, but in a natural condition, seeing I had not an universal respect to all God's commands. 4. There were some seeminar fjrounds that might make me think I was unconverted. In a word, the ground of all my trouble was, I was afraid I was yet in a natural condition, and so lost in my sins ; and, if so, I knew not what coiu'se to
212 MEMOIRS OF THE
take, nor did 1 think it probaljle I shoiild ever come out of it, if I were yet in it.
§ 2. My frame and condition was, 1. The terribleness of a na- tural condition was represented to me to the life ; and no evil was so great as sin, especially a sinfid nature ; and, my evidences being blotted, it was so much the more terrible. 2. The Lord likewise as clothed with fury was represented to my soul. 3. The devil, getting leave, did most cruelly, tyrannically, and furiously batter my soul with objections tending to discourage me, and to create evil thoughts of God in me, and to make me believe that all this while I was living in an unconverted condition and delusion. 4. That which was not the least of my afflictions was, that I could not know my condition certainly. Oh how happy if I knew whe- ther converted or unconverted I for then would I know what to do ; but, living in this uncertainty, I am most miserable : for I had but apprehensions I was unconverted. 5. In examining of the causes why the Lord trysted me with this sudden and great storm, I thought there was none as to particular guilt, and I thought it drave at something else than punishment for particular faidts. 6. My melancholy constitution, and want of company and employ- ment, did much further my trouble. 7. There Avould be some calms and quietness of spu'it for a great part of the day, by read- ing of the Scriptures especially ; and Satan would cease for a while. 8. It was not with me as in other troubles : for, through grace, I was helped to make some head against Satan ; I despaired not at all, nor did by any act of positive judgment conclude I would be damned ; but only I saw hell, and sin, and the Avrath of God ; and the apprehension Avas terrible. Yea, there Avould be great attempts of faith sticking more close to God than ever, so that I never so strongly and sensibly believed; yea, I thought, as matters stood sometimes, it was impossible I should be cast off. And many times was my heart fixed, so that I was like a rock against Avhom all the billows in hell would dash, yet did my bow stand strong, and I never had such assurance of faith. 9. I had a deep impression of the things of God ; a natm'al condition and sin appeared, and I
REV. JAxMES FRASER.
213
felt it worse than hell itself; the world and vanities thereof ter- rible, and exceeding dangerous ; it was fearful then to have ado with it, or to be rich. I saw its day coming ; Scripture expres- sions were weighty ; a Saviour was a big thing in my eyes ; Christ's agonies were then earnest with me, and I thought that all my days I was in a dream till now, or like a child in jest, and I thought the world was sleeping. O but I thought Shepherd and Rutherford spoke and wrote feelingly ! Shame, trouble, and affliction, want and poverty, were sweet and secure. 10. Yet was I wearied of my life, and preferred stranghng before it ; my life was bitterness to me, and sorrow did consume me, so as there was a sensible influence on my body, and I looked like a man come from the grave ; yet did none know my trouble. There was a great work to be wrought in me, and it was death to me to think to endure the power and working of God that should produce this effect, al- though I were little more than passive in it. 11. Duties of prayer and reading, only before I yoked with them, were a terror, and to go in private with this dead heart seemed hell itself ; though, when I was engaged, they were sweet. The night was sweet, because I had some rest ; but the morning was as the shadow of death, because I was to conflict. I would even have been content to have lain still perpetually, my spirits were so overfoughten. 12. The devil rested not in the meantime violently and unseasonably to press some strict duties, seeking to undo body and spirit at once, driving furiously as Jehu did.
§ 3. The manner how the Lord supported me, and did me good, and at last delivered me out of this, was by these means : 1st, By making me considerate ; for, at the first assault, the end of which was to persuade me I was unconverted, this assertion was so strongly and violently threaped upon me, that ere I knew I was dung on my back, and my soul burdened and oppressed, ere I knew how or why. When, therefore, I found these weights, and my spirit overwhelmed, and the clouds up, I remembered David's words, " Why art thou cast down, O my soul ?" So said I, What is this ? and why is it thus with me ? shall I continually live in an
214 MEMOIKS OF THE
implicit faith, or on mine own apprehensions 'i tmd shall I be con- demned, and live miserably, and never know why ? Let us think and consider on this matter ; there may some mystery lie at the bottom. Come, therefore, my soul, let us see what is it that ails thee. Well, I see thou art troubled, and spiritually troubled, and for a spiritual cause ; now, what is this spiritual cause ? Because I found it was a suspicion that I w^as yet in a natural condition, and a stranger to Christ. Now, what grounds have we for this ? and let us sec what is to be done, and hear patiently all assertions and threaps ; let this rain fall to the ground, and then fall thou to exercise. Hereupon my spirit became composed and considerate ; and, having the use and exercise of my reason, it did much advan- tage to me, and made me that I was not lil<;e a child driven hither and thither : I was, therefore, content to ding the bottom out of this, and to examine it to the fidl. 2dly, I thought it expedient for settling of myself, and keeping my ground unshaken by the batteries of tentations, to lay doAm some practical conclusions, to which I would ever stick, and always follow, whatever came ; which did me much good, and I did draw them from Christ's agonies. (1.) To continue praying still, and looking up to God, and never to give over duties; obey still, come what will. (2.) Never despair, but always tiiist and depend, and keep up an inter- est in God. (3.) Be humble and submissive ; " Not my will, but thine be done." Resign yourself to God in this exercise ; take not the tutory of thyself in this hazardous sea upon you ; let him quicken, deaden, wound, and comfort as he pleases. I cannot ex- press what advantage I found by this, odly. Means was, By being kept by the power of God in the use of all means, of praying, and reading the Scriptures, and meditating, whatever tentations I had to the contrary. And though at first I saw little comfort in these duties, but said, as those Israelites of Saul, Will these duties save me from my spiritual enemies ? yet by practising I ever found strength and comfort by them, especially Scripture, in which I found an unusual weight and sweetness. 4thly, The Lord would suggest some seasonable and calming word unto my soul, such as
REV. JAMES ERASER. 215
this, " It is good tor a man to hope, and quietly to wait for the salvation of God ;" then it is not good to be discom^aged nor casten down. 5thly, I was made to understand that the spirit of bondage in itself was not good, from these words, " Perfect love casteth out fear." This I knew not before, and, therefore, I ever desired a law- work, and dm'st never meddle with consolations till I had found the law-work ; and now, if my terrors and tentations had ceased, I woidd grieve for that intermission, as though I had lost some pre- cious thing. And tliis made me more submissive to the Lord's way of guiding me in my exercises, as likewise more freely to use consolations, and to seek recovery out of my present bondage ; yea, I found that these terrors and fears did me evil in their own nature, though the Lord, I found, did accidentally bring good out of them. Gthly, The Lord made me one day understand, Satan had a great hand in my trouble, especially in labouring to create evil thoughts of God in my soul, in tempting me to despair and give over, and discouraging me, and making me think I should never be better ; in a violent unseasonable pressing of duties. And hence I reasoned, If these fears proceed from Satan, why should I entertain them ? Can any truth or good proceed from him ? This made me suspect all was suggested to me tending to fear, and more rationally to ponder what was represented. 7thly, I fell seriously and diligently to examine this whole matter. I considered the nature of my exercise and trouble, the grounds of it, and the weight of objec- tions ; as likewise I fell upon examination of my state, I laid down my conclusions and rides, I set down my objections against my sincerity, I pondered them by the line of Scripture, and answered them ; I did likewise according to Scripture judge of the marks I had of my own sincerity, and examined what might be said ; I compared my state with the rule and with saints ; and in the con- clusion I found a marvellous light of God's Spirit, through the word, shining on my soul, and I found that according to tlie Scripture I was converted, and that the names, qualities, practices, and exercises of saints did agree with me ; yea, I found something in me wherein I went lieyond any hypocrite, though I was the least of
^U) ME3I01KS OF THE
saints. I did utterly cast aside all marks that I had read in prac- tical books, and did examine them by Scripture ; and I found the most part of them misound and not well cautioned, and some not altogether false, but inconsiderately expressed, and the reader very apt to mistake. As likewise there was discovered, through this examination, many of mine own mistakes in the nature of sanctifi- cation. Oh, what need is there of wisdom and light from above, in giving of marks ! and what a great sin is it, either to write or speak marks at random? It is true what Shepherd saith, " We have need of a special spirit here." This cost me many weeks' exercise, and some years before this too ; but the most sensible and effectual discovery of myself was now. O the benefit of consideration and a deliberate judgment ! 8tlily, God, by a strong hand, humbled me, and made me submissive, fi'om a sense and sight of the Lord's sovereignty, wisdom, and eternal holiness, and from a sense of my own wildness, (" Good is the will of the Lord,") so as I was made silent before God ; which silence did much abate the boisterousness of this storm, so that my heart was kept cahn, and made to comply with dispensations ; so as I said from my heart. My wall is evil, and God is good ; and better he have his will, than I that am sinful ; he cannot do ill or \^Tong. And for this cause I did draw up some con- siderations to submission, which then were sensibly prevalent with me, and by considering of which I would usually allay the risings of my heart when they would appear. 9thly, I did likewise consider on some comfortable consolations and considerations tending to hope and encouragement, which I drew up, and would usually comfort my soul with them in my dark hours and dumpish fits, and did find my labour ordinarily not in vain ; though sometimes nothing would do but the immediate hand of God, " that I might know man liveth not by bread, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." lOtlily, As likewise, in respect I found great indispositions and unwillingness to duties, and discouragements thereto, I drew up several considerations and motives to stir me up thereto, which in my fits of sloth I would use to awaken my soul, and would usually find them effectual, llthly, In examining that difficult duty of reproving, and considering it seriously, tlie Lord showed
KEY. JAMES FKASEli. 217
much light and comfort, both in the nature of the duty, and how to go about it ; wherein Satan had a hand in pressing it ; and that my unwillingness thereto did proceed not from infirmity ; and that my omission was not in the substance of the duty, but in the manner and degree of freedom, boldness, and compassion, and did proceed from ignorance and unbelief. 12thly, I found likewise much mercy, good-will, tenderness, and care of Clirist towards me in this present exercise ; and much good did it to me, so that the storm was now much over. 13tldy,But that which did me most good was, a more full discovery of the covenant of grace, meditations of the gospel, of Christ's gentle nature, as likewise some particidar pro- mises that were by the operation of the Spirit very clearly applied ; among which these Avere the chief, 1 Tim. i. 15, " This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation." O what of life and sweetness was discovered in that one word one evening after supper, John iii. 17, " God sent not liis Son to condemn the world !" And that word, Ps. Ixv. 5, God is the " confidence of all the ends of the earth ;" and he "justifies the ungodly." "They that know thee will put their trust in thee." " I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." " Christ is the end of the law for righteousness." And that Scripture, 1 Cor. i. 30, " God hath made Christ wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemp- tion." And that in John xv. 16, " Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you." From which these truths were made clear to me; 1. That nothing in man is the first ground of hope or despair. 2. That the whole ground of our hopes is in Christ alone. 3. That sinners have right to absolute promises ; or the first ground of faith is an absolute promise. Christ is not a person with whom they have nothing ado, but is their hope and salvation ; and these promises are sayings, though absolute, to lay hold on for accepta- tion. 4. That Christ's relation is to men as sinners, and not as to whole or righteous : " I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." It is with sinners Christ hath ado, and not to condemn them, but to give them life ; and, when they cannot come to him for life, to seek them. The fathers must lay up for the
218 MEMOIKS OF THE
children, and not they for the parents. 5. Such is the nature of Chi'ist, that he only came to show mercy, hath no wrath or law, came not to condemn : " Fury is not in me." And that it is as unreasonable to expect condemnation from Christ, as to expect cold water from fire ; and, therefore, whosoever knows him cannot but believe in him : and that there is nothing in Christ but what is matter of joy and comfort. 6. All salvation depends on Christ's good-will only, and everything relating thereto, all which is made ours. 7. That God himself is the drawer up of the sinner's secu- rity for heaven and blessedness ; Christ is " made of God^ wisdom, righteousness," &c. ; " I have given liim for a covenant to the people." 8. That the Lord bestows this right freely and absolutely, which free promise is the ground of faith, and not the purchase of faith. 9. That nothing damns but unbelief, in not pressing the Lord with these promises, all which are comprehended in that one word, " This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ came to save sinners." Here now was I fixed on a rock that was able to bide all storms. Is Christ then the ground of all my hopes ? and do my hopes depend whoUy on him ? and have I a promise that aU will be well ? and is this promise that to which I must take myself? and is this promise given freely of God ? Sm-ely then, thovigh I see nothing in myself but what is matter of grief, sorrow, and despair, yet here is matter of hope ; I cannot misbelieve, unless I reflect on Christ. Shall I misdoubt him, who is all mercy and no wrath, who came not at aU to damn, whose offices and relations are all good ? These and the like did quiet me, knowing that aU my hajipiness was freely secured in Christ Jesus alone, in whom I was complete ; yea, I found the great end of this storm was to draw me off myself, to live in and to depend wholly on Christ for strength, justification, and comfort. 14tlily, My natural melancholy was cured by divertisements ; for I had a call to go elsewhere, where employment and godly company did me much good as to the refreshing of my spirit. And thus by these means was the storm gradually allayed ; the best trial for me I ever endured.
IIEV. JAMES FKASEK. 210
§ 4. The eiida of which dispensations were, 1. To try, exercise, and strengthen my faith, which was never so livelily exercised, nor did ever endure such a conflict, nor ever had such sure footing ; for by consideruig the gospel, though it were granted I was never converted, yet, sure I am, I ought to come to Clmst, and look up to him, and expect from him, and be of good cheer, seeing God is the " confidence of all the ends of the earth." And my consolation must be as solid and strong as the ground thereof, so that with this shield I abide all darts, this answereth all objections, this is " the Rock higher than I." 2. To make me a little more serious, and to have a deeper and weightier apprehension of the things of God ; for the truth is, till this time I looked on myself, and the jnost part of professors, to be but in jest with their religion ; and I bless the Lord, some of these impressions remain still. 3. To discover to me the evil of the world, of the pleasures, profit, and honom' thereof; and to bring my soul to a compliance with the cross of Christ, as that Avhereon most secvu'ity and quietness is to be found : " lie that loseth his life shall find it." The world is an evil, and only evil, the great bar that hinders from Christ ; it is loadened with sin, full of danger, and enmity to God; it is Christ's competitor, rival, and enemy. And this was not only discovered in me, but the aversion and fear of the world was in some measure Avrought in me. 4. To acquaint me with Satan's devices, where- by he hinders the work of salvation, the many sophisms and mis- takes of my own heart in the nature of sanctification ; it made me search more narrowly into many things than ever I did. 5. To make me esteem the Scriptures, and walk more closely by them in all my ways ; for they only speak aright of God, of dispensations ; they are the foundation of hope and faith, and w^e must judge of tilings according as they arc represented in Scripture, and not by reason or fancy. 6. To stir me up to be more profitable to others, which was a great challenge now, and the neglect of it a heavy bur- den ; and the duty itself was much pressed at this time. 7. To live oflf myself and sense, on the Lord Jesus alone; and not on him as felt, but on him as given in his word and promise ; and not
220 MEMOIRS OF THE
on any thing of him to be given here, but what we are to receive in heaven. The conclusion was this, My grace is sufficient ; " When I am weak, then am I strong;" and here is rest and life. And by this storm, and the conclusions I then laid, I be- came more settled, and less shaken with tentations ; and this did much establish me in faith, patience, humility, and duty.
§ 5. I will conclude with a few observations. 1. Soul-trouble hath sometimes a sweetness in it, for, considering this was the hand of God, I laid myself flat under it. Now, Lord, let me never out of this fm-nacc till my dross go away. 2. I found soul-trouble not good in itself but evil, and that it produces much weakness and aversion from duty. 3. When God is angry, every thing is terrible. Duties, meat, drink, and company, had a hell stamped upon them, and a little loss, having wrath stamped on it, is a world of evil. 4. The world is a dangerous thing and a great evil, and the comforts of it a hell. It is good to be continually afflicted here ; " In the world ye shall have tribulation." Most of my exercise did drive at this. 5. Whatever our exercise or tentations be, it is profitable to pray and continue in the means. 6. It is good to be considerate, and not to be rash in closing with apprehensions and suggestions. 7. It is a sad affliction to an exercised soul to want good company, and evil carnal company is a hell itself. 8. Soul-trouble hath its time ; it is not always alike violent, but I find sometimes a calm, and at other times it comes in stounds and fits ; the evil hour. 9. We should not murmm' that the Lord doth not lead us according to our minds ; but, in exercises especially, we should let the Lord guide us as best seems him, and a patient surrender of ourselves doth much good. 10. There may be many sweet hours and little deliverances in a soul exercise ere all be done. I was many times caught up to heaven, but anon plunged to hell. 11. The best mean of settlement is to live by faith in Jesus Christ alone, and to live at a distance from the world. 12. A soul may have many enemies to wrestle with in one soul-trouble, but he hath not the same one to wrestle always with. Sometimes he hath the wrath of God, sometimes an evil heart ; and the soid should continually
REV. JAMES ERASER. 221
conflict with one of these at once, according as they invade him. 13. No soul-trouble will cure all evils perfectly; they but help in part. 14. The great end of such trials is to exercise faith, and to waken people, and to make them more serious. Many other things might be observed. This befell me when I was twenty -seven years of age, in November and December 1665.
SECTION vrr.
Of what befell me thereafter.
§ 1. Notwithstanding of this furnace, yet, when I was out of it, I found much dross. For, 1. I was grievously oppressed with a spirit of sloth and indisposition to all manner of duties. 2. There was a legal spirit that made me act in fear, and not in love or in faith to be accepted, which did represent God as a judge, and that he had evil ends in desiring obedience, whereby there was much forced work. 3. A kind of aversion and strangeness to God and heaven, not having such intimate and loving thoughts of him, and withal a loatheness to go to heaven as a strange place. 4. Like- wise I found a strong league with the world, and the power of it considerable and strong, which hath cost me until this day much conflict and hard work. 5. My deadness and ignorance remained and grew upon me, so that I was dark in my conceiving, and un- tender in my apprehensions ; so that several errors in my conver- sation were vented, such as idle words, vain thoughts, excess in the use of lawful comforts, pride in thought and speech, departing from God.
§ 2. Yet did some of my dross go away with this furnace ; and l>lessed be the Lord that made this trial profitable to me. For, 1. I was more diligent in doing good to others than formerly, and therefore would be oftentimes minding the poor and ignorant in private, praying for them, thinking of the way to do them good, and stirring up my soul thereunto. And as there were some thoughts of this in private, so there was outward and practical
222 MEMOIRS OF THE
effecting of tliis. I would go to tlieir houses, instruct and exhort them, and pray in their houses, and occasionally instruct them and others whom I met, (though of late I have been more remiss in this,) and thereby found much good to myself, and my gifts in this increased. 2. I was more strict and tender in my conversation than formerly, and durst not take such liberty, and therefore cned out against that looseness and wantonness that I saw but too com- mon. 3. I was by this made more acquainted with spiritual exer- cises of the Lord's method and of Satan's devices, with the natm*e of sanctification, and the many mistakes anent it. A great deal of my mists and confusions were hereby blown away, and many hid things of darkness brought to light. I imderstood by this much Scriptiu'e better than formerly. 4. My spirit was made more serious, and the matters of salvation and common truths more deeply engraven, and made more weighty to me. I saw another sight, and had another manner of feeling of sin, wrath, heaven, and hell ; I prized Christ and grace more ; I feared sin, Satan, and hell more. Truths were more lively and sensible upon my spirit ; the matters of God's law appeared great by this. 5. I found my spirit more settled and established on Christ, and less liable to shakings and tentations, so that I have lived as to assurance and faith of my interest, and of Christ's love, from that day to this, more secm'e than ever, being (as I conceived) better rooted, and having stronger foundations than before, and better acquaint with the exercise of faith. 6. I found my spirit by this more meekencd and tamed, and less hasty, the violent bitter (Quality taken away, and I, as it were, broken and ploughed, and so more inured to the yoke, so as nothing came Avrong. I understand now something of Christian patience, am less amazed with disapijointments, and more submissive, quiet, and silent. 7. The world appeared vain, terrible, and bitter ; and the evil thereof prized more than the good there- of; and the yoke, cross, and reproach of Christ more lovely. 8. More diligent in private duties of reading, meditation, and prayer, set to conflict with sin more strongly. And some impressions of this yet remain.
REV. JAMES ERASER. 228
§ 3. As for my exercise and progress of life, 1. After my inward terrors as ta tlieir power Avere removed, some degrees remained, that would at some times overwhelm my heart, but did not last. 2. I was smitten in my body thereafter with a painful boil mider my oxter, with which I had been threatened some years before, which, with the pain thereof, did at first cast me into a fever, and my breath was stopped by the oppression of the spirits, which made me have some impressions of death. During which time, Satan was let out again, and was most violent in his tentations ; and my heart was so casten down, that one afternoon, being to draw in the Lord's yoke, there was such faintness, weakness, and aversion to duty, that I thought I should never endm'e it, and was not far from casting it off altogether ; but God pitied the anguish of my soul, and did break these spiritual bonds, and put my heart in frame. During this sickness he miraculously allayed the pain of my boil, and speedily, and that without means, cured it ; for however I bought some things to prevent it, yet, looking on it as a punish- ment from God, I knew not if I could be free to take the rod out of his hand, and to counterwork him. And, indeed, I lost nothing by this, for, coming and giving my cheeks to this smiter, my chas- tisement was very gentle, and of short continuance, so as I was helped to continue in duties ; and when the boil brake, I resolved to go more mightily and diligently about the Lord's work than ever. I by this means pinzed health more. (2.) Made more dili- gent in duties, had a conflict with death, I found it easy to leave the world. Yet was both Clirist and heaven strange, and so had not such desires to be with him, nor longing, because I was not a good servant, had not my work done, nor walked so closely with him. (3.) The Lord one day represented the evil of the world to me. This was my first exercise. This was in February 1666. In March and April I continued in a wresthng condition, and was sometimes in M., sometimes at home, and I lay groaning under and fighting with my indispositions to duties. Strange thoughts of God and spirit of bondage in my actings, with some terrors, which would not continue long. 3. In summer thereafter, the hardness
221 MEMOIRS OF THE
of my heart began to mollify, and my bonds broke on a Sabbath- day's afternoon, while others were at church, and I stayed at home. " I called to mind the days of old," and some of the Lord's ways with me, which opened the doors of my soul, and love quick- ened in longing after him, and grieving for his absence and for my ways, which disposition continued and strengthened me. 4. There- after I was put to learn a new exercise, which was, to observe pro- vidences, and to consider the ends of God's particular and general providences, the ends of afflictions, of sins, of backslidings, of indis- positions, and to remark some steps of love in them, Avhich did me much good. He did let me see much love in dispensations, en- lightened me in my duties, kept me from wrong constructions, and did much establish and comfort me. 5. Being to quit our chief dwelling and lands, according to my transaction three years ago, and some mistakes betwixt me and relations falling out, I stayed alone, and went to another contiguous shire, where were some lively Christians and my very dear friends, with whom I spent time pro- fitably, edifying and building up one another. There I resolved to set up extraordinary days of humiliation again, and so effectually that a glory was seen in the ways of God and of his people which I saw not before, and love to Christ advanced. 6. After I came home I set up humihation-days, and made it my exercise to con- flict with and overcome the world, to close fidly and wholly with Christ, to glorify him -with all my heart, and him only. But it would not do, notwithstanding of some violent attempts I made ; whence terrors issued, yet not altogether in vain, because hunger was increased, as likewise knowledge. 7. About the middle of harvest, through meditation on the I^aw and the Gospel and the easy yoke of Christ, the spirit of bondage and legal actings begun to be cast out, and I in my actings was helped to be more willing and less constrained, doing things more evangelically and freely, and by which I found greater strength to serve Christ. And I found that word of the Isi'aelites to Kehoboara true in me to Christ, " Make my yoke easier, and I will serve thee," and the easiness of this yoke to be the great motive he presseth us with to draw in it :
KEV. JAMES FRASER, 225
That tlie Lord doth accept little off our hands, and will himself help. This, with the consideration of the ends of God's requiring- duties, did much strengthen me in them, and discovered much of Christ's love, and made his yoke easy and lovely. 8. About winter thereafter, I found my heart warming to Christ, and the aversion to him wearing off, through rubbing over in my memory some steps of the Lord's providences and dealings towards me. And there my eyes were first opened to see an infinite fountain of consolation and love Avliich before was hid to me ; there I remembered all the pains the Lord took in preparing me for himself, how much he suffered at my hands, all the care he had of me in my wilderness condition ; how he humbled me, convinced me, and how many times his visitations did uphold my spirit. Then did I see love in all the tract of the Lord's dealings with me, God in all this pur- suing me constantly with loving-kindness. 9. I found likewise my aversion to heaven wearing away, and that any apprehensions I had of this kind did proceed from a mistake : for one day, as I was praying, and earnestly desiring after communion wath Christ and more conformity to God's image, and mourning for my want of this, it was suggested to me. Why dost thou complain of thy great aversion to heaven ? for what is heaven but enjoyment of Christ and perfect holiness ? therefore, in prizing the one I prize the other. And from this it proceeded that I longed to be in heaven. Shall I think ill, said I, to be with him, in whose com- pany I only find peace and quietness ? who hath with his visitations so often refreshed my spirit, Avithout whom I can do nothing, and Avithout whom I am hell itself; who hath been seeking me so pas- sionately, and Avhom I have so many days been seeking ? 10. About the same time likewise I was convinced of a great sin of unthank- fulness, the evil and sinfulness of which was discovered, and desires to abound in this gx*ace of thankfldness, Avhich was thus occasioned. I found some others that had outgone me far in love and gratitude, speaking much of Christ's love and kindness to them, and what they were meeting Avith, and hoAv much they made of small Adsits. Oh, ungrate wretch, (said I to myself,) thou art oftentimes meet-
VOL. II. 1'
220 MEMOIRS OF THE
ing with quickening consolations and visitations, by which thy dying life is preserved, and yet take no notice of it, and, like Ha- man, ye say, " What is aU this to me ?" Not one thankful acknow- ledgment for aU this, nor one loving word spoken in commendation of Christ for all tliis. I judged quickenings and visitations of this kind but common, and ordinary, and smaU, because I saw not Christ in great fulgor and glory. That which after some time did heal this evil in my soul was, considering that though those tilings in themselves were but mean, yet they were not the eifects of my own pains and endeavours, who without Christ can do nothing ; but were the breathings and gifts of God's Spirit, and, therefore, in respect they are from him, to be infinitely prized ; yea, the pur- chase of Christ's blood, and a pledge and testimony of the Lord's kindness, and therefore to be received, and I am not to look to the gift but the giver. The least of favours and tokens from a prince is highly valued. And this did help me to thankMness, and I did set a value upon mercies. 11. I was at this time pressed vehemently to close walking, to an entire, cordial, and full resignation of myself to God, to keep distance with the world, to be for the Lord and him only, and for none other ; and was made sensible of one point of loose walking, that I did not endeaA^our to observe the Lord's providences, and that I did not walk in his counsel and depend on him, acknowledging him in all my ways. And this the Lord like- wise helped. 12. I began a little afterwards to study patience ; I got this lesson in my hand, and made some small progress therein : Patience I thought and took up under the notion of the soul's in- vincible going on in duties, notwithstanding of all evils ; when a man keeps his place and ground, and stands out like a rock, not amazed with any amazement, not discouraged nor rankled, not fainting, not giving over, but continuing in a constant frame of spirit. What I sought not I learned, and w^hat I sought I got not. God answered my prayers, though not in my w^ay, and showed he accepted them ; he led me in his way to heaven, and not in mine. 13. At last, that the warning I got five years since in the South mioht be fulfilled of the bonds and aflflictions that were abiding
REV. JAMES ERASER. 227
ine, I was taken with caption for a debt wliicli I had paid. Only my trustee and near relation, who received the money from me to be given to my creditor, did knavishly apply it to his own use ; for which, I, not paying it, was taken and kept three days in a cham- ber, till course was taken with it ; which occasioned my going South, where I continued much of two years, sometimes in the South and sometimes in the North. My condition during this time was a wrestling condition with the sons of Zeruiah that were too strong for me ; little or no overcoming, yet violent wrestling. Some work I got done : I wTote a Treatise of Faith, of the Cove- nant of Grace ; I wrote a Treatise of forty sheets of paper, on several subjects useful for the times ; I wTote also a Treatise against hear- ing the curates ; as likewise, I wrote this Book of my Life, in which I found marvellous assistance, and foimd it a blessed mean to warm ray heart with love to Christ, to see through many intricacies of my life which were before as a mist to me, and did tend much to my settling. As likewise, the Lord blessed ray fellowship so to the South country professors, that severals of thera were awakened; and generally my conversation was edifying, and was someway shining, so that I received much honour thereby ; and while I hon- oured God, the Lord honoured me. I kept Christian fellowship with them, prayed with and exhorted them, which was not in vain, especially in Edinburgh, where I sometimes spake four times in a week. The scope of my discourses was in exalting holiness ; against a slight work of grace ; against looseness and laxness ; against for- mality ; against sloth and unprofitableness, and pressing thera to be doing good ; against discouragements and unbelief, and pressing to believe ; as likewise, against complying with the prelates and curates, studying to render them as odious as I could, and my pains were not in vain.
§ 4. Lastly, It pleased the Lord by degrees likewise to look favourably on my outward condition, and did piece and piece deliver me from my afflictions and vexatious debts and wants, and now hath in some raeasure exalted mine head, and given rae by strange providences what he had taken from me. For I humbled
228 MEMOIRS OF THE
myself under the sense of the calamities of our family, and my owti particular wants ; I besought him to keep us from utter destruc- tion. And the Lord was pleased to hear ; he destroyed by death my chief adversaries, I found shifts to pay my many petty debts, gained our law-action, and was restored to some of my ancient possessions again ; though I be miserably undone and vexed with nmltiplicity of business and evil neighbours, as likewise I am under the guilt of many broken vows, and find much prejudice by the smiles of the world, and less kindness from the Lord, because I stand less in need of it now. Thus have I briefly run over the most memorable circumstances in all my life until this time, being now thirty years of age and unmarried. I have been the more brief in what concerns these last six years, in respect I have them at more length contained in my daily diaries, and because I pur- pose to come over several things touching my natural condition and state, my exercises, tentations, evils, duties, and course of life, in the next chapter, to which I shall refer any thing of this nature.
CHAPTER VIL
RELATING SOME THINGS TOUCHING MY PRESENT CONDITION.
SECTION I.
Wherein are contained some rjeneral personal ohscrvations in reference
to myself.
§ 1. After a long and serious search into my estate before God, I am by the Lord's works of love towards me, and his works of grace in my soul, made to conclude that I am born over again, and that there is not only a formal partial change wrought, such as may be in hypocrites, but that I am visited with the sahation and love of his chosen. For I find a great and universal change A^TOught by an almighty mean in my soul, growing rather than decaying ; so that thus I stand fixed as to this matter. I have both word and
KEV. JAMES FllASEK. 229
seal, work and carriage for it. Yet, 2dly, Do I find this my belief of my interest much shaken and sore assaidted by sin, which falls like a blot upon all my evidences, and takes away the comfort of them, and fills me with some sudden apprehensions all may be wrong, though these many years, by a positive act of judgment, I was not suffered to conclude my unsoundness, but rather, rationally and deliberately weighing the matter, made to conclude I was converted, odly, I have thereupon concluded it to be my duty to be thankful, to draw near to God by faith, and to search by prayer, meditation, and reading, my estate more exactly ; to consider the nature of sanctification more exactly, and ponder objections and grounds of doubting ; to pray to the Lord daily to open my estate to me, to practise obedience, and go on in the exercise of faith, love, and humility and other graces, to be marking providences, and the Lord's carriage to my soul.
§ 2. I find I am exceeding sinful, and one compassed with more than ordinary infirmities. Before conversion I have been suffered to run out in more open acts of rebellion than others, such as swearing, cm-sing, blasphemy, drunkenness. Sabbath-breaking, sin- ning against light and conscience, extraordinary strangeness and unprofitableness, greater and manier blots in my conversation than in others, having greater aggravating circumstances. So that I think I grieve the Lord more than any other ; I have a harder, blinder, and more carnal heart than others have ; so that I conclude myself the least of saints, not worthy to be called a saint. 2. And therefore think, I am called to humility and submission. 3. To love the Loi'd beyond others, as having forgiven me most. 4. To be more watchful against sin, having such an ill heart within, so ready to slip ; and to walk in greater fear, and to be more diligent. For, if the iron be blunt, it needeth the greater force. 5. To de- pend most on the Lord Jesus, as having least in myself, and there- fore to make up all my wants with his fulness; that I must live wholly on him. The sick need the physician. 6. To press me to be more holy in time to come for a revenge ; that as I have " yielded my members weapons of unrighteousness," &c.
230 MEMOIRS OF THE
§ 3. I have been and am like to be extraordinarily afflicted. I have ever found trouble in the world, and God in his providence doth ever sow^ enmity betwixt me and it. I have never gotten rest for the sole of my foot there, but its embraces are poison, thorns, prejudice and vexation. Sometimes and ordinarily great and ex- traordinary wants to supply credit and debts ; great disappoint- ments, and evil-will from the men of the world, rejected and looked down upon by professing friends in my extremities, so that I know not one of my nearest relations and friends but have pu^t great dis- obligations upon me, and have been bitterness to me, and have made me weary of life, the people of God only excepted, who (as they were never able to help me in my outward condition, yet) did never trouble or vex me. The Lord reward their labour of love. And if the world hath smiled on me, and given me some of her favours, and I thinking to rest me upon them, they proved like the staff of Egypt, and at last failed me and pricked my hand : it was the Lord only that supported me and kept from sinking, and it was the mere providence of God that did me any good or deliverance, and none other : and I am like to find the good of the world more prejudicial to me than the evil thereof, and to vex my spirit more. 2. I conclude myself hereupon called to live at distance with the world, to set my heart by it, to fight and conflict with it, to be mortified to it, and to look to another rest, seeing this is not it, to set my affections on heaven where Christ is ; as likewise, to look on this as a token of love and of good, that " I am not of the world," for then " the world would love me ;" and, lastly, to arm myself with admirable patience and fortitude to endure the evils of the world constantly without fainting.
§ 4. I have a weak, complying, soft nature, contrary to my will and judgment ; so that I find an averseness to that which both my judgment and will are for. I bless God for a clear judgment and understanding; for I am much given to pry and search into the bottom of things, and therein have been assisted. But my miser- able soft nature yields to everything, and this makes all duties that are attended with labour and boldness a irrcat Imrdcn to me.
REV. JAMES ERASER. 231
I am judged by men clean contrary, to be rude and contrary to all men ; but little know they the wrestling I have with my own heart, and what a torment I bred to myself when I did not comply with men. Oh, how much need of grace and divine assistance ! for no less will do my turn ; I have nature always to resist. 2. I hereupon find a great resistance to all manner of duties ; so that there is no duty I go about, but I find Satan and the power of sin in me ready to resist me in it : and I get nothing easily done, but over a mountain of difficulties, heart and providences and all cross- ing. What a mighty work to pray, to meditate, to speak or do anything ! Oh sloth ! 3. My life is a life of faith, and not of sense ; I know little sense or dawting ; the word is my only rule. 4. I find God's love and my religion manifested rather in doing for God, than in fellowship mth God. I see no great love in manifestations of him- self, but in sanctifying me and enabling me to my duty. And the most of my religious exercises are in reference to searching out truths and mysteries in a humble and fixed frame of spirit ; and some courage and strength to do some work for glorifying God, and edifying my neighbour. 5. I gather love and good, not at first, or by any one dispensation at first, but by a continued tract of kindness. It is from many things jointly I gather love, rather than from any one particular ; and I find good after a long time, rather than at the beginning. God drives his work in me leisurely, and by degrees, and not at once ; I know few extraordinary things. Christ's mo- tion in my soul is without din or noise ; I see, by this, need of patience. 6. My joy, happiness, and hope, is more in what is in Christ, and in the promise, and to be fulfilled in heaven to me, than in anything I find in myself by sense. I were " of all men the most miserable," and hated of God, and little beloved, if I had nought else to look to. 7. I not only find an opposition from my nature, and sin, and Satan, to duties, but from providences ; and this I judged as trials, and to be for the exercise of patience.
§ 5. That which most in earth I desire is, to do great things for God, to suffer much for him, to be signal in honouring of him, to finish my ministry. I contemn and undervalue the Avorld and car-
232
MEMOIRS OF THE
nal folk as dung, and all the woi'ld's kindness, though my nature will not suiFer me to express it ; my " spirit is willing," but herein I find " the flesh is weak." My unprofitableness and sinfiilness is my greatest grief in the world ; I had rather be cast out of God's comfortable presence (so as not to be hated of him) than out of his service. I have been sometimes thinking that, if these times last, my heart will break, if I be continually shut up in this way, and all the passages stopt of doing for the Lord.
SECTION 11.
Declaring some strong evils under tuliich I mourn, and against which
I xcrestle,
I find it with me as with the Israelites, Judges i., that there were some nations that they could not drive out ; so I may say that there are some strong evils that I cannot get mastered at all, and which continually afflict me, and discourage me.
1st Evil is. That distance the Lord keeps with me in word, in prayer, in providences, commands, threatenings, promises, mercies, judgments ; I find little of God in them, so that I may say, " I am more brutish than any man, and have not the knowledge of the Holy One." Oh how little of him is known ! I dare not deny but I sec him darkly and confusedly, whereby my soul longs for him, and mourns for his absence as the greatest evil : but yet I see him not distinctly and clearly in his glory with the seeing of the eye by that marvellous light. Oh Lord, my blindness ! Oh blessed heaven, where we shall see God, not as in a mystery, but " know as we are known !" and, alas ! I know no more of him than before. This calls for mourning and humiliation, and addressing to Christ to open the eyes of the blind ; and for purity and holiness, for these " shall see God ;" and for '.' following on to know the Lord" in his attributes, in his Son Jesus, in his word, and in his pro- vidences by observing them.
2d Evil is. The low measure of God's love vented to mv soul :
EEV. JAMES FKASEK. 233
manifestations and influences run very low, and beat weakly in my soul ; I find not in God Avhat doth abundantly satisfy ; I meet not with that which is called '■' the power of God." In a word, I am kept in a low condition, and very mean. Sanctification, light, life, and comfort, are but sparingly letten out to me ; and in my fidness I cry, I want still. This is to humble me, and make me long for heaven. Though, blessed be the Lord's name, I meet with some- thing, yea, more than I deserve, or ever I have been thankful for; nor did I ever kindle a fire to him for nought. I comfort myself with this, that I have the earnest, and that is but small in respect of the stock ; a little does arle the bargain as well as much. That this Avorld and time is a time of wants, and, therefore, the Lord's people are a generation of seekers ; that there is much in Clirist, in the promise, and much to be letten out in heaven. I get these directions: 1. To be humble. 2. To be living on the fulness of Christ, and abundant joys of heaven. 3. To be thankfol for small mercies, for that is the way to get more. 4. To long for heaven, and weary of the earth. 5. To study mortification to the world, for " the rich are sent away empty ;" to keep a room for Christ. 6. To labom' much ; for " the soul of the dihgent shall be made fat." 7. To do good to others; for " he that Avatereth shall be watered."
3d Evil is. Security and slightness of spirit as to spiritual things. I am not so sensibly affected Avith the evil of sin and of a natural condition, as to wonder at God's patience, to tremble for fear, and smitten vntli compassion to others who are yet in their sins. Oh! I am but in jest, and half sleeping and waking; though I know that nothing lies nearer, nor am I more exercised Avitli any- thing than with spiritual things. I see no help for this, but serious consideration of the great matters of the law, and continual prayers to God for awakening and seriousness, and less seriousness in worldly afi'airs, for these take away the heart.
4th Evil. I can seldom win to the believing, joyful, and com- fortable thoughts of heaven. Though I really prize the thing, to wit, enjoyment of God in Christ for evermore, and perfect con-
234 MEMOIRS OF THE
formity to him, yet have I not as yet come to any measure of" per- fection in this lesson ; the great cause of which I take to be, that I am so little in the endeavom:' of this : It is something present, rather than what is to come, that comforts me. Oh to see this glory as mine, so as to be made heavenly thereby !
5th Evil. That I cannot, in the act of closing with Christ, cordially, fully, and clearly give up myself to the Lord Jesus alone for evermore ; that I cannot expressly and cordially marry with him. Oh for a day of espousals ! It is true, my heart really closes with Christ, and hates the world, and my desires are, to be for him and him only, to do and suffer much for him ; but, Avhen I come to covenant with him, there is deadness, heartlessness, double- mindedness, confusions, and ignorance, whereby much unfixedness doth arise. I can neither covenant with him as a spouse, nor live with him as a spouse. Oh my unstedfastness in his covenant, and dealing falsely with him ! I could never to my satisfaction go rightly about this duty of personal covenanting ; I durst not pro- mise, lest I fulfil not.
6th Evil. A secret love to the old husband tlie law ; for, with the Jews, I am " seeking to establish my own righteousness ;" do- ing duties, and resolving to be strict, for this end, to get glory from my conscience to myself, and that I might thereby appear the more glorious unto others. And I would be content to have my works here be a sharer in my room in heaven, and to be a part of my joy, and to have my happiness come that way ; so that what was falsely attributed to David, 1 Sam. xvii. 28, by his brother Eliab, that out of the pride of his heart he had come to the battle ; so it is with me in going against my lusts and tentations, it hath been to gain honour thereby, that I have undertaken it. And when God hath put down this idol of self-righteousness, and by permitting me to fall, hath crost the setting up of this Dagon, I have marked I have mourned more that my resolutions have been broken, and ray design broken and thwarted, than for any dishonour or grief done to God ; so that, tliough I see an insufficiency in my duties, and so cannot trust in them to save me, but forced to take
KEV. JAMES ERASER. 235
another course, yet do I love these duties, and so love them as I would by that way come to heaven. Whereby unspeakable pre- judice hath come to me ; for God hath set himself continually against this evil and idol, in respect I have been seeking to glory and boast in it ; and therefore have I never been able to keep my resolutions, lest I shovJd doat on tliis Babel. And because I have been seeking mine own glory thereby, rather than to honour Christ, I think it is duty on me therefore to consider the evil of this sin, the Avildness thereof, and to mourn for it, and confess it, and labour, by setting before me the work of Christ, to prefer his grace and righteousness for gaining of glory, and to the honom* of purchasing heaven by my works ; that the song of praise may be only to the Lamb, and not unto us. Oh it is difficult to quit self-righteous- ness ! it is a precious idol.
7th Evil. I find a want of the Spirit, of the power and demon- stration of the Spirit, in praying, speaking, and exhorting ; that whereby men are mainly convinced, and whereby men see more in the Lord's jjeople than in others ; whereby they are a terror and a wonder unto others, so as they stand in awe of them ; that glory and majesty whereby respect and reverence is procm-ed, that where- by Christ's sermons were differenced from those of the Scribes and Pharisees : " He spake as one having authority, and not as the Scribes ;" that which Pauls calls " the power and demonstration of the Spirit ;" and which is mentioned, Micah iii. 8, " I am full of power by the Spirit of the Lord, to declare to the house of Jacob their sin," which I judge to be the beams of God's majesty and spirit of holiness breaking out and shining through his people, whereof they, their words and carriage, are in some measure par- takers ; which Is mentioned, 2 Cor. iii. 18 ; 1 Pet. v. 1, " partakers of the glory," which now and then the Lord in some measure reveals, transfiguring them before the world, but shall one day be manifested in such a manner and measure as the saints know not what they shall be, when Christ shall be admu-ed in them. But my foul garments are on ; and, alas ! I am " lying among the pots." Woe is me ! the crown of glory and majesty is fallen off my licad ; and my words arc weak and carnal, and not mighty, where-
230 MEMOIRS OF THE
by contempt is bred. No remedy for this but humility, self-loath- ingj and a studying to maintain fellowship with God, for this made Moses' face to shine — to walk circumspectly, for a " man's wisdom maketh his face to shine," and to express holiness, and glorify God, and then the Lord will honour thee.
8tli Evil. I find not direct, plain, and particular returns of my prayers, though I find indirect and material returns, whereby I have been made to see and conclude that " it hath been good for me to draw near to God ; " nor can I look on my returns as the returns of my prayer. Not observing of returns I find to have great in- fluence on this.
9th Ea il. Want of blessing on my labours to others, especially the unconverted ; though I know and find that saints have gotten good, and others put in some good moods. But I fear I have drawn none from Satan to God ; I take but little pains in this.
10th Evil. I cannot get the lesson of patient waiting and de- pending on God until the end of a trial learned ; but ordinarily, after I am set and engaged to wait, I misbelieve and turn impatient, and my heart goes astray and turns careless ; and then possibly, when this thread is broken, I set myself to duties : and then the Lord's visiting of my spirit with new influences, Is like Samuel's coming to Saul after he had sacrificed ; so as I cannot say the Lord's return hath been the fruit of my waiting. So as I think I never knew what it is to abide in a patient depending, waiting on God in a night of absence till the morning, but unhappily give over my dependence, and Interrupt my waiting by my carelessness, and taking comfort from some creature ; which, though it proceed not from a deliberate wilfulness, as his, 2 Kings vl. 33, yet it is true I am stollen^ to do that really which he did advisedly : so that as yet I have not learned that imlnterrupted waiting. So that when the Lord visits my soul with refreshful thoughts of my privileges, and puts it in health, yet very much of ray comfort is impaired through the remembrance of my uneven carriage during the want of it; Avhereby I am moved to think, that it Is not leal-
^ IliUTicd oil.
REV. JAMES ERASER. 237
come, but accidentally and not in love, when not helped to wait on the Lord for it. It hath once comforted me to think, that though the mercy hath not come as a fruit of either my waiting or prayers, yet hath it come as a fruit of Christ's prayers, and merits, and sufferings, and this hath satisfied me.
11th Evil. I cannot win to apply particvdar mercies fully and clearly, so as to have a persuasion of such a mercy I am seeking for ; though I win to some application of general promises, such as these, " Christ came to save sinners ;" " God sent not his Son to condemn the world ; " " Christ came to seek and save that which was lost;" which quiet my spirit. So that when I am reading of particular promises for removing of such and such straits, and for giv- ing such and such blessings, they do not comfort me more than in their general nature they show God's goodness ; and, therefore, I find not strength in them to plead for such a particular mercy, nor to persuade my mind of it that I shall obtain it, only they in the general quiet me. And hence I am not distrustfid of my salva- tion, or of my happiness in the general ; but whether I shall get such a particidar mercy, or be delivered from such an evil. All the promises of deliverance do not breed in me an assurance or persuasion of it ; so as, though God hath granted me many parti- cular mercies, especially in temporals, which I have prayed for, yet of none of them was I assured, though I have been made to hope before the granting and fulfilling of it ; though some say, A faith of dependence is only requisite in such cases. But, besides the contrary experience of the saints, and the rendering void all par- ticular promises, I have much to say against this. Oh to know what this means, which is in John ! " We know that if we ask according to his will, he heareth us," and granteth our desires ; and " this confidence we have of him."
12th Evil. I cannot win above the fears of men, so as to break out in open defiance and arms against the world ; but am kept in strong chains of fear and bashfulness to displease them, so as I cannot boldly reprove, exhort, or be free with many wdaom yet I know or strongly suspect to be in a sad condition, especially if they
238 MEMOIRS OF THE
be great ones. And when at any time I win to do any thing of this, it is with a great deal of reluctance, nay, greater than to lay my head down on the block ; and I strilce so sparingly when I lift my rod, that I scarce touch them, which comes from my complying and soft easy nature ; insomuch that my neglects of such duties have been matter of my greatest exercises, and I think I fear not so much their prejudice or outward loss, as the thing itself is griev- ous, and displeasing of men, and to be thought ill of them.
13th Evil. I can never win to a Avatchful, self-diffident, and fearing frame, when at any time enlarged ; but, notwithstanding of my multiplied falls, I will, when in any good frame, or gotten up again, with Peter, be persuaded that I will never be so as before, but will confidently promise to do this or that, and will not believe that any tentation will break this resolution ; which confidence is not founded on the Lord, but comes from a presumptuous conceit and trust I have in myself. In a word, I cannot win to misbelieve my own heart, nor be so persuaded of its weakness and deceitful- ness. It is true, in great matters I am diffident of myself, but in small matters and resolutions I go about them continually in my own strength, and ever come short of them.
14tli Evil. I can never win to carry rightly in public occasions, but am ever the worse of them ; I meet with little of God, and see so Httle of him, and get so little grace exercised, and am so carnal while doing any little civil business even to which I have a call, that, prepare my heart as I will ere I go out, and watch never so carefully, I find my whole man poisoned, and myself worse, and I come home with a world of challenges, so that company and civil business are a terror to me, and travail, a going to hell itself. I never know what to do when out of my chamber ; I have not yet known what it is to traffic christianly in the world, but have been carnal in my ends and carriage, forgotten God, drowned in worldly matters. Oh when shall I be spiritual in carnal actions ; in eat- ing, drinking, bargaining, doing all as God's work ! And when shall I get and do good in public occasions !
15th Evil. The promises and the gospel, with Scripture-con-
liEV. JAMES FRASER. 239
solations, make me trust, believe, and hope, and quiet me in all my afflictions ; yet do not so abundantly satisfy me, as to make me " rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory," and as to lose sense of any other thing.
IGth Evil. I can never win to keep my resolutions, so as in my practice to walk perfectly with God, so as to walk in peace ; but every day I have challenges, not for sins of mere infirmity, but for such sins as might be helped, and Avhicli by mere unwatchful- ness I fell into ; such as to continue long departing from God, entertaining vain thoughts, vain idol words, mispending of time, excess in lawful comforts, slothing of private duties, doing things rashly, and such like, which are not wholly voluntary, or yet wholly of mere infirmity. Oh to sin but of mere infirmity ! To walk thus perfectly with God I cannot, but there hath ever been a breach. By what I can learn, I never kept my vows even when the matter was possible.
1 7th Evil. Continual great unwillingness and indispositions to duties of all kinds, driving ever like Pharaoh's chariots, (though, when once engaged in the duty, I find more delight and sweetness ordinarily in them than from the world,) so as there is unwilling- ness to go to them, pain in them, and gladness Avhen they are done ; but especially in the engaging. Oh the power, wicked power in me, resisting God, and dravnng back from him !
18th Evil. That I do not grow or go forward generally in the ways of God, nor yet get a particular work and exercise throughed ; I think I am like " the door that turneth itself on the hinges." I make a motion in prayer, resolving and professing ; but I am still where I was : I find the same ignorance, the same deadness, the same indispositions, the same unprofitableness, the same unbelief, the same power of sin as before ; I fight, I wrestle, but do not overcome. I am exercised with troubles and other providences, but I see not what comes of them, they go away like knotless threads ; and there is no end of my labour.
19th Evil. That I get so little light, comfort, or strength from public ordinances, pray, watch, prepare as I will ; I mean sacra-
240 MEMOIRS OF THE
merits, meetings, sermons. I find not nor sec the power and glory of God, so as to draw near to him ; I meet not with God in them. I find not sin mortified nor subdued, nor grace increased ; and sel- dom is my heart bettered, but I find a constantly dead, lifeless, indisposed heart, and no sensible alteration in the time ; and any sensible good I get is in private, though I find a real insensible good in public ordinances.
20th Evil. Above all, I find a great unwillingness to teach, exhort, and do good to others, or to glorify God publicly ; I can- not delight in this, nor go about this in faith of a blessing, nor with success, nor earnestly ; but there is with me much constrained work, many occasions slighted of going about it, and the heart itself dead and heartless, and untouched with the glory of God, or the good of the person, especially if unconverted.
21st Evil. I find not a power persuading me of any truth. I have only a weak opinion and love to it, but I find not God with a mighty power revealing and persuading of truth; yea, there hath been much of nature in particular truths, though as to my general change and illumination there hath been a sensible almighty power ; therefore am I still weak in my belief and practice. I have other evils, but these I find the strongest, and that stick closest and continue longest ; I fight against and mourn under these, but they continue still in their strength.
SECTION III.
Declaring my "present exercisea, lessons I am learning, studying^ ajid in which I have made some proficiency.
My life is a mystery to me ; what I purpose and intend, that do I not. Though I have been little exercised, and as little ad- vanced in these fore-mentioned exercises, yet hath the Lord been exercising me with some things which I intended, beyond my design ; as,
]. I have been called to exercise the life of faith, to walk by it
REV. JAMES FRASEE. 241
and not by sight ; in which, by the Lord's revelation of the gos- pel, and from some consideration on 2 Cor. v. 7, I have been exercised, especially through tentations, which seek to make me misbelieve, and do discourage me.
2. The Lord hath been learning me, and I have been exercised in the grace of submission to the Lord's will in crossing mine ; and I win to write a hearty amen thereunto, and to say, " Good is his will," let it be done, and not mine.
3. I have learned and someway exercised patience, which is a continued submission and quiet obedience, and the constancy of the spirit, in not being shaken, or moved, or diverted with evil ; and I have this lesson continually in my head, and therein have made some progress.
4. I am learning to read love in the greatest of evils, sin, deser- tions, afflictions, plagues of heart, and disappointments ; and to put good constructions on all God's dealings ; and when anything comes, though never so cross, I first inquire, What love can I see in this ?
5. I am casting out and have cast out the bond-woman and her child out of my soul, I mean the slavish spirit of fear, and the proud self-acting spirit, beating in daily evangelical principles in my head, so as now I find more faith and love in my actings.
6. I am drawing my heart to love the Lord Jesus, and to close with him with my whole heart, and to be content to live with him alone, shunning departing from him, and striving to beget and entertain familiar and kind thoughts of God in Christ, and to root out of my heart my strange and hard thoughts of him and of Christ.
7. I am making the world a stranger to me, daily meditating of such considerations as may mortify my heart thereunto, God fur- thering this enmity by providences, whereby I find the world my constant enemy, and am thereby made to hate and despise it, and to be carried with indignation against it.
8. I am studying sobriety in my affections, actings, and carriage, in seeking after moderation, in not being much moved with any
VOL. ir. Q
242 MEMOIRS OF THE
occurrence, studying always to be kept within bounds, and to be my own master.
9. I am taken up with observing of providences, especially in reference to myself, to see what God's ends may be in them, why they are sent, and what is suitable duty ; but, above all, to see God in them, in his wisdom, holiness, and love.
10. I am endeavouring to be profitable to others, and what my generation work is, and studying the right way of going about it.
11. I am helped to study and exercise thankfulness, the greatest help whereunto is the consideration that all favours are from God, and so many pledges of heaven, and bought with the blood of Christ.
12. I am studying to know the glory of heaven, to be drawing- all my consolations from this, and to be making it my treasure.
13. lam studying to make Christ my all, even "wisdom, righte- ousness, sanctification, and redemption," and, in the want of aU, to live in, and on, and from himself alone. These have been my exercises this while bygone, though beyond my intention.
Lastly, I learn dependence on God in outward straits, to recom- mend all things to him, to believe on him for deliverance, to be comforting myself from him, waiting for an outgate, and to be ob- serving his hand in supporting under and delivering from manifold troubles ; and to be fi'om these experiences increasing in love and faith. And, indeed, I have found manifold experiences of late of outward deliverances, so that my life hath been a continual coming in and out of troubles, and every trouble seemed a remediless one till God freed me out of it.
SECTION IV.
Declaring my groivth in grace as to some particulars.
Comparing my present condition with times past, notwithstand- ino" of my complaints of unfruitfulness, yet I find these sensible growths in me : —
REV. JAMES FKASER.' 243
1. I am helped to improve time, opportunities, and occasions of doins: and g-ettino- o-ood better than formerly ; so that those occa- sions that were spent in vain-talking, sloth, ease, and needless recreations, are now better improven to the glory of God, edifying of myself and others ; and these occasions are likewise more prized.
2. I find more sobriety and temperance as tomcat, drink, recrea- tions, and company, and greater strength against and hatred to sin, and a more violent resisting of it.
3. I find I have much increased, not only in a notional know- ledge, but in an experimental knowledge of some necessary points, which have had a powerful and blessed influence on my heart and conversation. I know more of God's nature and of Christ stamped on my heart, the covenant of grace and faith, patience, duty, and the natm-e of sanctification, the deceits of Satan, and wildness of my OAvn heart, and my mistakes anent truths.
4. More diligence than formerly in prayer, meditation, and read- ing of the Scripture, more hearty and frequent in them ; as likewise, making more conscience of doing good to others, and pitying them more. Much in extraordinary duties.
5. Faith discovered to act more vigorously than formerly, even against oppositions, being more pm'ely grounded on the word in opposition to sense ; the grounds more strong than formerly, giving greater ease, and security, and strength, and joy, than before ; as like'^^^se more constantly and more strengthened to duties, and against objections and discouragements, insomuch that these doubts, which before would have dung [dri\ en] me oflf my feet, I am now helped through grace to withstand ; nay, to believe more strongly, so as there is no objection but I can say something to it.
6. I find more love to the Lord Jesus than formerly, a greater estimation of him, greater mourning for his absence, desiring and longmg after him with more ardent desu'es, and a greater love and loveliness discovered in him than before.
7. Patience more in exercise than before.
8. More sober, grave, watchful, circumspect, and spiritual in my
244 MEMOIRS OF THE
conversation, ■vvliich before was light, caiTial, and unprofitable, as it is in part yet.
9. More familiar knowledge of, and acquaintance with, God in Christ. Better acquaint wdth, and more kindly uptakings of him, and more love seen in his person and providences than before.
10. Sorer exercised with inward and outward trials than for- merly, gathering from the proportion of my burdens, hardness of my lessons, and difficulty in the work, the increase of strength and wisdom.
11. Audience of prayer made out more distinctly than formerly.
12. I find my enmity to, contempt and fear of, the world in- creased.
13. More strength, wisdom, and success in going about civil business ; and of late the Lord's hand turned upon me in taking off my burdens.
14. Under more serious and deeper apprehensions of the great things of the law, of sin, hell, heaven, eternity, than fonuerly ; more wakened and serious.
15. I have left off several sins which before I was subject unto, as drinking of healths, playing at cards, haunting without con- science ungodly company, gluttony, vain frothy discom-se, lightness, jesting, and neglect of duties.
16. I find a sensible mortification of pride, being more vile in mine own eyes, less seeking the applause of others in duties and words, more submissive to cross dispensations, less contending and striving with others, but bearing infirmities, and covering them, and more prizing of and thankfulness for meaner and small mercies.
17. More spiritual and evangelical in working than formerly, doing things now out of respect to his command, relying more on his strength, more confidence of being accepted, and more thank- fulness for acceptance.
18. I am helped to see and observe more of God and his ways than formerly, and to gather more instruction therefrom.
19. And, as I think, my gifts are increased, at least as to speak-
REV. JAMES ERASER. 245
ing. Notwithstanding of late I find a decay In some things, espe- cially in diligence, tenderness, and usefulness to others, being more worldly, and my wants and imperfections are so great even in these same particulars, that I daily mourn, fear, abhor, and humble my- self under them ; nay, my wants are so great, my spots so foul, my sins so many, as oftentimes with fear and sorrow of heart I say. Hath God ever loved me with the love of his chosen ? doth the Spirit of Christ indeed dwell in me ? shall I indeed go to heaven ? and will Christ say, " Well done, good and faithful servant ?"
SECTION V.
Declaring the objective Grounds of my doubting my conversion and actual interest in Christ, with the special and general ansivers thereto.
Since the time I knew any thing of God until this day, the tempter has not ceased to make me continually raze the founda- tions. And I find that it has been his first and greatest drift to make me doubt of my conversion, by proponing of false marks, and making me to imagine grace to be another thing than indeed it was ; and by inconsiderate reading of marks of sanctification given in good books, some of which I found afterwards not well cautioned, and by a confident asserting I was not converted. So that, for the space of three years after my real conversion, I not only doubted of my conversion, but beheved that I was all the time rather in an unconverted state, but thought I was in the way, and had good hopes. But the Lord making the fruits of sanctification to appear, I began to think otherwise, and in process of time to think rather I was converted, and to settle that as a conclusion, which, though the devil cannot totally overturn, yet ceases he not to shake it, which by search I found out to be summed up in these twenty branches.
First Ground. Because there was not such a distinct, long, orderly, and deep work of preparation and humiliation at first convert^ion
24:G MEMoins OF the
as I found described in practical books writing of the new birth. — Ansiver. There was a work of the Almighty poAver of Christ dis- covering sin and a natural condition as the greatest evils, which put me out to restless endeavours to come out of this ; and I found the inabihty of myself and all duties to bring me out of this condi- tion. And the Lord did by a marvellous hght discover the Lord Jesus to me as the Saviom' of sinners and their fidl happiness ; and my heart immediately closed with him wholly and fuUy, which in its fruits hath continued to this day. 2do, That though the substantials of conversion be observed generally amongst all, yet do not all persons' cases agree as to the circumstantials of con- version, that is, as to the length, measure, and manner of the spirit of bondage, as is likewise clear from Scriptm'e. 3tio, The question is not so much how Christ came in, as if he be in. If ye find the fruits of holiness, it is well, though ye know not Iioav they Avere sown or grown ; " The kingdom of heaven cometh not with obser- vation."
Second Ground. My ordinary, uneven, unsettled, unprofitable way of walking Avith the Lord, the ordinary strayings and depart- ings of my heart from God ; which unstableness in all my ways makes me fear double-mindedness, and to question whether my heart did ever find and see the exceeding evil of sin, seeing I so easily fall into it ; and how this can consist with the love of God that ought to be in the heart. — Ansiccr. Though I cannot deny these sins as to the matter, yet these considerations are suggested unto me as answer thereunto : L They are not the spots of the world, 2 Pet. ii. 20, they are as to their nature like the " spots of his children," they are unwatchfulness, shortcomings as to the heights of duty, idle words, fits of unbelief, carnality in the use of lawful comforts. 2. I bless God they are not the sins of the time ; I have been through grace kept from bowing of the knee to Baal. If I die in this wilderness, it is for my o\m sin, and not that I have any part in the general conspiracy. 3. I find they interiiipt not the Lord's kindness utterly, but find that in my worst his " visita- tions uphold my spirit." 4. Though the bush be burning, yet it
REV. JAMES ERASER.
247
is not consumed ; the spark of spiritual life that the Lord hath kindled remains still burning, yea, and increasing, for all these showers of sin that seek to quench it. 5. Though I have departed, yet not wickedly from God. I sin neither deliberately, delightfully, with full consent, nor He impenitently in my sins ; I grieve and mourn for them, and hate them. 6. I find sin on the decaying hand. 7. I find advantages by my sins, " Peccare nocet, peccavisse vero juvat." I may say, as Mr Fox, my sins have in a manner done me more good than my graces. Grace and mercy " hath abounded where sin hath abounded." I am made more humble, watchful, revengeful against myself, to see a greater need to depend more upon him, to love him the more that continues such kindness to me notwithstanding of my manifold provocations. I find that true which Shepherd saith, " Sin loses strength by every new fall." Third Ground. My fearful, dark, hellish ignorance, and carnal conceptions of God, heaven, and hell, by which I am tempted to draw this conclusion, thaL I am yet in darkness, and that that marvellous hght which discovereth Christ really as he is, the glory of the Father, has not shined on my soul ; but that all my know- ledge is either rational, or notional, or natural. Oh my unspeak- able ignorance of him ! To which, for satisfaction, I answer these things : — (1.) That no man has seen God face to face, but in his back parts, which is a very imperfect knowledge, Exod. xxxiii. 23 ; this was it that Moses saw. (2.) Saints " see but through a glass," not immediately in this life, 1 Cor. xiii. 12. (3.) And hence they see but darkly, as in a mystery, 1 Cor. xiii. 12. (4.) The most eminent saints have much lamented their ignorance of God, Prov. xxx. 2, " I am more brutish than any man, and have not the understanding of the holy." O how little a portion of him is known ! (5.) This is a time of absence, and it is but a dark knowledge we have of one not present ; it is in heaven we will " see face to face, and know as we are known, and see Christ as he is," 1 John iii. 3. (6.) " We walk by faith, and not by sight," 2 Cor v. 7. Seeing is our life in heaven not here. It is a controversy whether the sight we have here of Christ be specifically different from what they have in
248 MEMOIRS OF THE
heaven. (7.) It is considerable, Job xlii. 5, that when Job saw the Lord extraordinarily, he thought his former knowledge but a knowing God by the hearing of the ear ; and yet, when Job knew but by the hearing of the ear, and not by the seeing of the eye, he was then a "just man, that feared God, and eschewed evil." (8.) I saw the Lord in glory mth the eyes of my mind once extraor- dinarily, and as I thought intuitively, the impression and effects of which remain to this day. (9.) I have and find the real effects of saving knowledge. I trust in him, " They that know thy name will put their trust in thee," Psalm ix. 10. It makes me prize and esteem him, and long for him above all things, and mom-n for his absence as the greatest evil, John iv. 10, " If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that askcth water of thee, thou wouldest ask," Though the thing be not seen in its cause, yet it is seen in its effects. (10.) Folk may really see and know God, though they neither mind it nor know it, yea, though they think they do not so, John xiv. 9, Philip desired to see the Father, as though he had never been revealed to him ; and yet Christ tells him he saw him, because he saw Christ. (11.) The Lord saith, " To execute judg- ment is to know the Lord." Our knowledge of God is better dis- covered in our obedience to him than in our uptakings of him. (12.) As " herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us ;" so herein is knowledge, not that we know him, but rather, as the apostle saith. Gal. iv. 9, " are known of him." What shall I say, lastly, but as Mr Shepherd on the subject, "If ever the Lord hath revealed Christ to thee, thou wilt go mourning to the grave for want of him, and for thy ignorance of him so long ?" The Lord knows that it is the thing in the world I have most desired, to know God and to see his glory.
Fourth Ground. That seldom hath there been a glorious, clear, distinct, and full covenanting with God. Something I remember of the Lord's wooing of me ; and how can the Lord be mine unless some marriage-day hath been ? And whenever I have gone about this duty, how much heartlessness and confusion? In trouble I have been, but not a distinct delivery. This objection is of the
KEY. JAMES ERASER. 249
same nature with the first, and therefore I answer, (1.) When the Lord first made me see a need of himself, and my misery in the want of him, and had wearied me of myself, I remember then he discovered the Lord Jesus in his loveliness, and my soul, even my whole soul, was made fidly and for evermore to close with him, and him only, and above all, and for aU things. And as this was the upshot of my tossings, so was it the seed of all good that ever foUowed, and I was made to express this much. (2.) As, in the preparatory work of humiliation, the Lord observes not the same method with all, so, in the soul's closing with Christ, all do it not under the same distinct notion. Some do it explicitly, and ex- pressly subscribe with heart and hand that they are the Lord's, and swear fealty to him ; some close with Christ implicitly and really, their heart clinging to him and his ways, though they be not distinct and express in this ; yea, some close with Christ, and are married to him by and under the notion of believing on him with aU their heart for all things, and so cast themselves on Christ ; and this is covenanting, as covenanting is believing. And therefore is faith expressed under several notions and terms, according to the variety of men's apprehensions of it, and the several exercises of the soul in going out after and closing with Chi'ist. Believing on Christ, and the will's liking of Christ, and personal covenanting with Christ, are all one upon the matter, viz., the soul's union with Christ ; the Lord is thine, however, and thou art his. It is both a private and public solemn marriage ; if once thou know any thing of it, look not for solemn marriages every day. Hardly is the renewal of a covenant, which js frequent, so glorious and signal as the first marriage-day.
Fifth Ground ia,^ot only the dim apprehensions, but the unkindly uptakings and conceivings of the Lord in Christ, as a strange God, and not under the kindly relation of a father, and friend, and hus- band, which breeds aversion to him, so as I cannot trust on him with my whole heart. And this makes me fear I am but under the relation of a servant, wanting the Spirit of adoption, and that I am yet but a stranger, and not drawn near to him in Christ, not a
250 MEMOIRS OF THE
son. To which I answer these things : (1.) That however in the beginning there was ground for this complaint, yet that now there is no such cause, because that by serious meditation on Christ, on his offices, on his carnage towards sinners, and on his works of pro- vidence towards myself, both as to my spiritual and temporal con- dition, I have been helped to see the Lord, and uptake him vmder the kindly notion of a Father, yea, of my best and nearest friend, of my life, hope, health, and light, so as " I am a stranger on earth" with God. (2.) That howbeit many are sons indeed, and " have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear," yet do they take to themselves this spirit again ; and the Lord suffers this, that even his children be as servants, especially in the beginning, though they be lords of all ; and that the bond-woman with her son be continued with the heir of the promise, Gal. iv. 1, 2, 24. (3.) That as no sin is perfectly healed in this life, so neither is the legal spirit of fear perfectly cast out ; but when love is perfect, it will cast out fear, 1 John iv. 18, and is daily casting it out. (4.) That as it is in children who know not distinctly their parents, but as strangers are afraid of them, yet have a secret instinct of nature, their heart warms, and cannot be kept away from them ; so I have found with myself, when most under bondage and hardest appre- hensions of God, that yet some kind of correspondence hath been kept up, and that I have mourned for his absence as under the greatest evil, could not be kept from him, was intimate and homely, though I had not such boldness and confidence to be heard.
Sixth Ground. Because I am tempted to think I have not been visited with special love, or the favour the Lord shows to his people ; and that all my enlargements, visitations, light, change of heart, are but common mercies, no extraordinary thing. And what can I build on them? I answer, (1.) That though at first there appear little more than common mercies in them, yet have I by a more narrow search found some special love and favour en- graven upon them, as I purpose to show hereafter. (2.) What we meet with now are but the earnest of the bargain, and that is little in respect of the bargain itself; and it matters not whether the
KEY. JAMES FRASER. 251
earnest be little or much, 2 Cor. v. 7. (3.) We should judge of the Lord's love rather by his sanctifying influences, humbling and strengthening the heart, than by his ravishing enjoyments and consolations : We see the dreadful end of such as boast much of that ; it is the " adulterous generation" that " seeketh after" such " signs." (4.) The way and manner of conveyance of mercies and spiritual visitations are rather to be looked to than themselves. See if ye have them by prayer, if ye have them of free grace, if they represent, hold out, and draw to God, and the Lord be stamped on them ; not the gift but the giver : This day of small things is not to be despised. (5.) The people of God are a poor and needy people, kept empty, have all theu' fidness in Christ, in the promise ; and is to be revealed in heaven, where their treasure is. (6.) This is an evil time, a time of famine and beggary, in Avhich it is good to be preserved from starving, and in which a little is worth twice as much at another time.^
Seventh Ground. That the mercies received come not in a gracious way, not as the answer of prayers, or as the result of my patient waiting, but as it were by chance, my mercies oft-times trysting with my worst frame. To which I answer, (1.) I have prayed, mourned, waited, and hoped for mercies, though with much weak- ness and imperfection. It is not the degree but the nature that is to be looked to. (2.) They are not the fruits of my prayers and endeavours ; for there is more ground of loathing me for these than rewarding me. But they are come in a better and more com- fortable way, viz., by grace. The Lord trysts mercies with our indispositions, that grace may be seen. It is rather a sign of love than hatred, that grace is stamped on all favours and enjoyments ; " Not unto us, but unto thy name." It is better to hold mercies by this title. It is not fit that the Lord's love should be propor- tioned to our endeavours ; where were grace then ? " Not of works, lest any man should boast." (3.) They draw to God.
Eighth Ground. The Lord carrying as a stranger and an enemy
1 This was writtcu in time of persecution, and tluis are other passages also understood.
252 MEMOIRS OF THE
to me, crossing me in all my ways, not giving me my will, so that it would seem he were not my father. To this I answer these things ; (1.) That he causes grief, and shows wrath, yet not pure wrath ; he " takes not his loving-kindnesses utterly away," but they are " renewed every morning." He shows much kindness in the midst of all his judgments. (2.) Our will, like children, is not our well ; and it is a mercy to be crossed in this. God knows what is best for us. (3.) This is a time of wrath, a night ; and what wonder if storms and darkness be ? (4.) Ye see, saints have complained of tliis : " Why art thou unto me as an enemy ?" Job saith, " Thou art cruel unto me." (5.) Sense represents God falsely ; it is to sense and fancy that God thus appears, not to faith. We should take other interpreters than sense. (6.) We should not look upon all things that may be trials as effects of wrath : " God hideth man from his pm'pose," that he may hide pride, that the soul may be patient and humble, and exercise faith. (7.) It is utterly wrong that anything without us should make us doubt our inward sincerity, seeing these are extrinsic to it : " No man knoweth love or hatred by anything under the sun."
Nmth Ground. That prayers are not directly and plainly an- swered. To this I answer, (1.) As in the former, that it is a thing without us, and so extrinsic to oiur sincerity. In this matter, regard is to be had rather to the manner of our prayers than to our answers. (2.) There is no fear, if ye pray in the name of Christ, in faith, in humility, and sincerity, though they should not be answered. (3.) I have ever been helped in my extremity, in the deep, Psal. cxxx. 1. (4.) It is an ordinary complaint of saints, Psal. xxii. 1, 2 ; Lam. iii. 8, " He shutteth out my prayer." (5.) Prayers may be suspended when they are not rejected, Luke xviii. 4, 7. (6.) There is no fear while ye continue in well-doing; for " in due time ye shall reap, if ye faint not." Where God hath given a mouth and stomach, he will give meat. Your cause is in dependence, not overthrown ; and it is good that ye get what will bear your expenses till a decision be given. (7.) I find myself better and worse as I increase or decay in prayer ; a token they
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are not altogether in vain. (8.) Prayers may be heard, and ye not know it, Hos. xi. 3. (9.) The answer of prayers is not ordi- narily direct and plain in the terms of our petition, but indirect ; ye have not the same thing ye seek, but ye are answered equiva- lently in as good. (10.) I get promises renewed. (11.) It is like, when the Lord will build up Zion, there will be many answers dispatched. Now is a sowing time ; hereafter is our harvest, and then all petitions shall be answered. (12.) After search, I found some petitions directly answered ; and it is want of taking up and considering our returns, or our own sloth, that hinders us from discerning our returns. Sometimes the Lord hears, and we are so prejudiced that we wiU not believe it, as in Job's case.
Tenth Ground, Want of compassion to, and deep apprehension of, the lamentable soul's case of my unconverted relations and ignorant, profane, formal, neighbours : Oh it lies not heavy on my spirit ! Do I believe therefore a hell or heaven, or that the ignorant or unconverted shall go to hell? I answer, 1. By confessing that there is great want of compassion, and faith, and seriousness in this, and that there is great deadness — Lord help it ; for we believe, love, and prophesy but in part only. 2. I mourn for this, and this deadness is loathsome and hateful to me. 3. I am yet helped, upon occasional views of their condition, to have my sorrow stirred, and to be earnest for them with the Lord, yea, and to pour forth tears and sighs of grief for them, and to find my compassion sensi- bly stirred.
Eleventh Ground is a constant indisposition of spirit to all manner of duties, unwillingness to enter to them, wearied and heartless in them, and glad when they are done ; so that I fear there is not a new nature which delights in the Law of God. To which I an- swer these things : 1. That as there is a regenerate and unregen- erate part in every believer, which is continually opposite to that which is good ; so this indisposition doth proceed from the unre- generate part, in wliich no good thing dwelleth, Rom. vii. 8 ; and this should make us question our state no more than the being of a body of death. 2. That I find something in me that mourns
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under this, which esteems, approves, and sees a glory and delight in the Law of the Lord, Rom. vii. 22. " The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." 3. That therefore I am not so much wearied of the duty, (which I love,) but of my own ill heart in the duty : As a loving son, that hath a pained foot, is willing to run his father's errand, and glad to be employed, and yet the sore foot makes the journey a burden ; there is a thorn in the flesh. An unsound heart's opposition is to the duty itself; hypocrites love not all duties.
Twelfth Ground. Because I found not a full resolution to obey some difficidt commands, such as plain and free reproof, especially of great folk ; plain dealing A\dth my acquaintances as to their state : Which makes me think I am not universal as to my obedi- ence ; and that I am but partial in my obedience. To this I answer these things : 1. That though I exceedingly fail in the manner as being heartless, general, and having base ends, not altogether respecting the good of the party I deal with; yet, through grace, I win to do the duty as to the matter and sub- stance of it. 2. That when I do it, I find I do it not only to ease my conscience, but out of respect to the command of God. 3. That I prize, love, esteem, and have respect to this duty, and my heart would be at it ; and am straitened and in pain till I dis- charge it. I approve that " the Law is holy." 4. I pray, mourn, and loathe myself under my failings in this, and have fetched it to Christ ; and it is strange to me that that sin, for which I groan to the Lord Jesus to be delivered from it, should or can damn me. It is the Lord's controversy : " Wilt thou not be made clean ?" 5. It is through accident that those duties are omitted, through my natural bashftil temper. A man would do a thing willingly, but is in bonds that he cannot get it done ; I find that " when I would do good, evil is present." 6. There is not a full conviction of the duty, but especially of the way and manner how it should be per- formed ; " How to do I know not."
Thirteenth Ground. That I am not so taken up in heart with heaven, in longing after it, delighting and rejoicing in the expecta-
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tioiis thereof; and, therefore, my heart not being there, it is likely it is not my treasure. To M'hich I answer, 1. Look, as when Philip said to Christ, " Show us the Father, and it sufficeth us ;" Christ answers, "Yovi have known him, because he that hath seen me hath seen the Father :" So I say, He that desires and mourns after Christ mourns for sin, and desires to be holy, loves the fellowship of God's people, doth really love and long for heaven ; for what is heaven but the enjoyment of Christ and conformity to him, though in a more clear and distinct notion? 2. My unwillingness to go to heaven doth proceed from a desire to do some service for Christ ere I went : Much of my work I suspect is yet undone. 3. This proceeded from a want of a full assurance of my future happiness and some fears ; for I love the thing. 4. I find myself of late more distinct and clear in my longings after, and joyM expectations of heaven, and my heart more heavenly-minded.
Fourteenth Ground. That I grow not, nor come not speed ; nor am I throughing [advancing in] my work, but ever after one manner. I answer, 1. That though there may be growth in grace, yet it appears not always sensibly, but grows as a seed of corn, and a man knows not ; it " comes not with observation." 2. Notwithstanding of remaining evils, yet do I find a remarkable growth, though not in the bulk of graces, yet as to the nature and purity ; I have made better work, though not so much of it ; I work more evangelically than I did before, with purer ends ; I grow downward if not up- ward. 3. I have found a growth in faith, in love, in patience, in humility ; dying to the world and myself and self-righteousness, and living unto God : Though in that which I propose to myself there is no growth. Yea, 4. There is an expediency, if not a necessity, of pulling dovm a certain kind of righteousness ; and hence a man shall find himself worse than before, ere ever the righteousness of God be set up.
Fifteenth Ground. Because I find such an evil heart in me, such blindness, hardness of heart, carnality, pride, and other sins, and in such an high degree, that I say. Did ever the Lord renew this heart ? I answer, 1. "In me, that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good
256 MEMOIKS OF THE
thing ;" and as to my unrenewed part, I am " carnal, and sold under sin." There is a " body of death" in all. 2. As I find this in my flesh, so do I find a new man, that knows, delights in the Lord and his ways, and continually hates and opposes the body of death. Sixteenth Ground. That I enjoy not this Lord himself in ordi- nances, in public or private prayer, in hearing of the word, or reading thereof, or through meditation : There is not that special fellow- ship with the Lord himself, nor the glory or power of Christ found and seen ; some light and strength, but little or none of God. To this I answer, 1. That I really desire and love the Lord Christ above any thing, and mourn for want of him, and come to ordi- nances for himself, and am unsatisfied with any thing, though never so glorious, if it fetch not nor reveal a Christ to me : Yea, I love every thing for his cause mostly ; and it makes every mercy sweet to me, that it comes fifom the Lord. 2. Although through mine own sloth and unbelief, and because of an evil time and day of wrath, there are not such plain and full visions of God ; yet have I found ordinances, and duties, and works of providence, reveal something of the Lord himself, and of his love and greatness, so as my soul hath been drawn to the Lord himself thereby, and to love, and admire, and adore, and delight in him the more. 3. I have found the ordinances and means (though not sensibly nor presently, yet) in process of time bringing forth real fiaiits of holiness, so as I had reason to bless the Lord for such occasions ; even as my body is really (though not sensibly) nourished by meat and drink. How- ever, this point deserves a more serious consideration.
Seventeenth Ground. That my thoughts of sin, of hell, and of heaven, do not beget such lively impressions upon my soul. I tremble not at sin, death, and hell ; I am not rejoicing in hope of glory ; and this makes me think my knowledge and faith is but dead and lifeless. To this I answer, 1. That though in my sensi- tive faculty I find not these impressions of joy and fear, yet do I find them in my estimative, appreciative faculty ; so as I really judge sin to be the greatest evil, and am really most troubled with it ; and I judge Christ, his grace and holiness, to be really the
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greatest good. A man is more pained, tormented, troubled, and cries out more for a boil on his finger than he doth when he know- eth he hath a hectic fever or consumption ; and yet he truly judges the one a greater evil than the other. There is more fear and grief in the damned for sin than in any saint ; and a soul newly converted and drawn to the ways of God, with assurance of Christ's love, hath more sensible joy than a grown, assured Christian. Grace goes not by the sensible impressions on the affections, or rising of the sensitive faculty or appetite, which outward and sensible ob- jects do elevate. 2. Saints have found and lamented this distem- per, as it is such, and yet have not quit their interest, Isa. Ixiii. 17, " Why hast thou hardened our hearts from thy fear ?" And hence David and the Church do cry frequently for quickening, " Quicken us, O Lord, and we will call on thy name." 3. Baxter saith well, " Hardness of heart is more in the will and practice than in the sensitive faculty ;" as is easy proven by Scripture. Disobedience is hardness of heart in Scripture.
Eighteenth Ground is from my spiritual pride, which streams itself through all my actions, even my most spiritual : and hence I find that I resolve to be holy, to get an esteem, not from men but from conscience ; I mourn for sin as it is a weakness, and as it is con- trary to my design and resolutions. Yea, though I find an insuffi- ciency in duties to save me, and so of necessity made to flee to another, yet do I find my heart secretly wishing that it were other- wise, that life were to be had through our own works ; and this makes me secretly desire and endeavour to do something on earth that might be a part of my crown in heaven : and I found a de- spising of the glory revealed in heaven, if freely given, and no way merited ; so that I am by this put to question whether ever I was dead to the law or not. To which I answer, omitting what may be answered to this by what hath been said, I satisfy myself with this. That as I find a spirit of self and pride acting, so do I find a spirit of humility loathing myself for this my pride, and a secret contentedness in breaking my resolutions even when they were good, because self was thereby debased, and the counsel of
VOL. II. K
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the Lord did stand : Yea, and I find " I rejoice in my infirmities, that the power of Clu-ist may rest upon me ;" and I love heaven the better, because it is the purchase of Christ's blood, and the fruit of free grace. 2dly, " Self mil be in every action, (saith Shepherd ;) and this body of death will discover itself thus, as well as any other way."
Nineteenth Ground. I find such instability in my heart and ways, such unequal steps betwixt the Lord and my idols, that I fear my whole heart is not come to the Lord ; I am not liis only. Oh the one heart, the united heart, the conjugal heart ! But, alas ! mine is parted betwixt the Lord and idols ; and I sometimes delight in the Lord, and sometimes in my idols and worldly contentment, 2 Kings xvii. 33, They served the Lord, and they served their idols. I answer, 1st, No man ever closed so fidly with Christ, or had such a conjugal love, but had some inclinations to idols, by reason of the unregenerate part. Om' union of faith and love is imperfect, as Avell as any other grace ; the unregenerate carnal part cries still for, and would be at, its lovers. In heaven om' affections shall be wholly for the Lord. 2dly, The renewed part is for the Lord wholly and only, and gives not consent to what the flesh doth, but is led captive, and sighs under the bondage, and cries out against its own heart-whorishness ; and the denomination is taken from the better part. " O miserable man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death?" Unrenewed men contentedly and allowedly divide their affections, they loathe not nor abhor them- selves. 3dly, I find the Lord's interest growing stronger and stronger in my soul.
Ticmtieth Ground. When I read that the " unprofitable servant is cast into utter darkness," and consider the great disproportion that is betwixt my service and my rule and the former practice of saints, I cannot conceive how I can go to heaven, how the just Lord will give heaven to such an unprofitable servant ; will ever Christ say to me, " Well done, good and faitliful servant ?" But for this I answer these things, 1st, Heaven is not promised to the de- gree or measure of grace, but to the nature of it ; the Lord accepts
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mites, cups of cold water, grains of mustard-seed; he will not quench smoking flax : I do service, though I cannot weigh it in measure. 2dly, Such is the condescendency and lovely nature of Christ, that he will crown those duties we ai'e ashamed to own. Christ counts and prizes saints' duties more than any thing else in the world : " Ye visited me, fed me, gave me drink. When saw we thee hungry or naked ? In that ye did it to one of these Httle ones, ye did it to me." It is Christ's gracious property, he is soon pleased, and his yoke is easy. Parents are wonderfully taken up Avith the poorest and simplest action or speeches of their children. There is a fatherly love in Christ. 3dly, Heaven comes by grace, by Christ's blood, and not by works ; works are not your title to glory. " No law music," saith Rutherford, " in heaven ; no, " worthy is the Lamb." Look not to what thou hast done, but to what Christ hath done ; ye neither share in whole nor in part with Christ : good works are mentioned, not to buy or purchase glory by, but to evidence an interest in Christ and sincerity in grace ; if there be as much as will evidence sincerity, there is enough. The least gold is gold as well as the greatest piece.
As for those general answers I promised, because these are in- cluded in the special answers given to the special objections ; and in respect I am in the next section to go over some things relating to the same purpose, I shall not mention them.
SECTION VI.
Declaring my evidences of Regeneration and Heaven.
1st, A continued prizing and esteeming, and love of, and desu-e and mourning for, and longing after God in Christ above all things, above gifts, saints, duties, graces, and joys ; and this wrought of new in my soul by an almighty power. " I love them that love me ;" 1 Pet. ii. 7, " To you that believe Christ is precious."
2dly, Real and fervent love to the saints, yea, all saints, and be- cause such ; with a contempt and hatred of others. I prize, esteem,
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and delight in the fellowship of saints above what I have to my nearest relations ; and by this I gather that I am translated " from death to life," and shall one day reign -with them, 1 John iii. 14.
3dly, I am in heart engaged to the Lord Jesus his service, ac- counting it most glorious ; and am desiring and accounting it as my greatest mercy to be employed for him, and momning for my unprofitableness, and great loss Christ is at with me as the greatest evil, 1 John iii. 10 ; John xv. 14, and have been assisted to do so in some measure ; and that my shortcomings have proceeded from ignorance and unbelief.
4thly, Because that when, through the violence of temptations and suggestions, my fears do arise, and I then go and stayedly and diligently examine myself according to the Scriptures, and submit it to their determination, I find my condition and case good, and am made to hope ; and if the "Word absolve, who can condemn ? Psal. xcvi. 13 ; Isa. viii. 20 ; Kom. ii. 2. The judgment of God is according to truth.
5tlily, Because, when, by the power of tentations and unbelief I conclude or apprehend I am unregenerate, I find much evil there- by, and these conclusions, like poison, utterly to wrong my soul, and my heart drawn from God, and utterly weakened to duty : Whereas, I concluding my state gracious, I find my heart enlarged, God's countenance shining upon me, hatred to sin, and strength to go about duty ; which I look upon as the Lord's sealing these con- clusions.
Gtlily, Because that the Lord, by his mighty power, answering all my objections clearly and fiiUy, with much pains, hath made me believe on the Lord Jesus, and come to him, not only for peace and comfort, but likewise mainly for himself and for sanctification, for removal, not of some sins only, but of all sin ; and, above all, for delivery from my wicked nature ; esteeming real conformity to and enjoyment of God the greatest mercy, and a natural condi- tion the sorest evil, by which I distinguish my faith fi'om hypo- crites, Hosea xiv. 2 ; Micah iii. 11.
7thly, Because my love, faith, patience, and obedience, have been
REV. JAMES ERASER. 261
tried by the winds and storms of temptations, especially inward ; and yet, through the strength of Chiist, my bow hath not broken, but he hath increased my strength ; by which I am made to think I am built on the Rock, Luke vi. 48.
8thly, Because I have found the Lord, when he was drawing me to himself, observe the same way which he uses to draw his own to liimself. For I have found that he hath discovered my undone condition by nature, my distance with and enmity to God, and my wildness ; he hath affected me with this as the greatest evil ; he hath discovered my inability to help myself, discovered to me my heart-pollutions, the insufficiency of duties ; wearied and loaded me with my heart and ways, so as I utterly despaired of myself and ways, only hoping in the Lord secretly : and now, while undone, and acknowledging the Lord's righteousness, I have by many won- derful providences, great and continued pains, been made with much ado, and over the belly of all objections, to come to Christ, and to believe on him for upmaking all my wants, especially the want of himself; and have received his promise upon this, which hath satisfied me, and given rest to my wearied soul ; so that now I find his word my abiding seciu-ity, and the Lord my light, strength, consolation, and glory. And being thus made by an omnipotent power to come to himself by the warrant and on the authority of his word, and that for all things, I do expect he will not cast me off, nor cast off the work of his hands ; but, being called, will likewise be "justified and glorified," John vi. 37; Rom. viii. 30.
9thly, I find a real, inward, imiversal, and abiding change firom darkness to light, from sin and Satan to God and his ways, wrought by a great power ; and can remember how, and by what means, and when it was wrought, and how the Lord daily perfects it. By which change I am differenced from the rest of the world, and from what I was myself before conversion, and from all hypocrites in the world ; by which change, and that " all things are new," I gather I am in Christ, 2 Cor. v. 17 ; Eph. iv. 22, 23, 24.
lOthly, Because, comparing myself, exercises of spirit, properties,
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and sins, with the saints in Scripture, I find them answer to one another as face doth to face ; I find them complain of the same evils and distempers I complain of; and, in condemning myself, I must Ukewise condemn them, and so " offend the generation of the righteous." And when I pass hasty conclusions against myself, I next say. Is there any that hath grace ? And so, being like them, and of them, I think I will share alike with them at last.
llthly, A sensible growth in humility, knowledge, sobriety, faith, patience, love to Christ, deadness to the Avorld, and repentance ; whereas hypocrites fall away : And therefore think that; the good work is begun, seeing the Lord is daily perfecting it, Philip, i. 6 ; and this shows it to be a fountain " springing up to everlasting life,'" seeing it is not dried up, John iv. 14.
12thly, An universal " respect to all commands," hatred to all sins ; which is kythed in my loving every one of these commands, endeavouring to do every one of them, seeing a glory in every one of them, and mourning for all omissions, though through ignorance and infirmity I win not up to do them, Luke i. 6 ; Psal. cxix. 6.
13thly, I find, by diligent examination of myself according to the Scriptures, a clear difference betwixt all my graces and such as
1 have seen or read to be in hypocrites ; and though I think I come beliind all saints, yet find in me what is not in any hypocrite, Matth. V. 20, "Except your righteousness exceed," &c.
14tlily, That my works, obedience, and exercise of grace, come continually through faith, and from gospel principles, rather than from legal motives ; and that the consideration of honouring Christ doth draw me more strongly to my duty than any other motive whatsomever of benefit ; which I look upon as the fihal spirit and spirit of love given to sons, Rom. viii. 15 ; Gal. iv. 6 ; 2 Cor. i. 22;
2 Tim. i. 17. So that, as Isaac, the son of the promise, I can do nothing but through faith, and out of sense of his love and strength. Gal. iv. 28.
ISthly, That 1 am not satisfied with any measure of grace, or length in ditty, or communion with God, but evermore desire more ; which shows to mc that it is desired for itself and not for its effects,
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seeing the least measure of grace will bring to heaven. This was Paul's spirit, Philip, iii. 11, 12, 13 ; 1 Cor. xv. 57.
IGtlily, Because I find true poverty of spirit, and find a wildness in my best works, and mourn over my best performances, wonder- ing that ever the Lord Jesus should respect them, glorying only in the Lord Jesus, Matth. v. 3 ; Isa. Ixvi. 2. Hypocrites are never emptied of themselves.
17thly, I find a hatred, loatliing of, and mourning for, all sins of omission as well as commission ; sins of others as well as mine own sins ; secret sins and little sins as well as great sins ; and gospel sins above all sins ; looking on sin as the greatest evil, Matth. v. 4.
18thly, Self-loathing and contented submission to the Lord in hardest dispensations, because it is the will of God ; and accept- ing the punishment of sin. Job i. Hypocrites murmur when tried, and in their heart cm'se God. This was the trial of Job's since- rity ; if he had been an hypocrite, he would have cursed God either in heart or mouth.
lOthly, Because, in reading of the Scriptures, there is nothing that the Lord's Spirit so applies and takes to my heart as encou- ragements, and promises, and persuasions, to do good unto others, and patience, and faith ; and to be of good cheer, for God will not speak peace to the wicked, Isa. Ivii. 21, and iii. 10. " Say to the righteous. It shall be well with them."
20thly, I find that, in all evils that befaU me, I am never suf- fered to put an ill construction upon them ; and a spirit secretly suggesting to me that it is for good, so as my heart is no way more sanctified than by this, Rom. viii. 15, and this I look upon as the Spirit's witness.
21stly, That I never commit a fault, little or great, but it is cor- rected, Amos iii. 2, " You only have I known of aU the families of the earth, therefore will I punish you for all your iniquities :" and this I look upon as a fatherly kindness ; nay, that which he suffers in others, he reproves in me.
22dly, The Lord by all dispensations is wearying my soul of
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the world, putting enmity betwixt me and the world more and more ; whereby I gather that I am not of the world.
23dly, The Lord's constant following me with manifold kind- nesses and love, in strengthening, comforting, quickening, support- ing, visiting, and delivering me, being with me always in all my ways, never leaving me, doing me always good, bearing mth all my infirmities. I find the Lord's providence one constant tract of kindness, bearing me in his arms as an eagle doth her young, by all means commending himself to me ; because he loved first, I am loved to the end. How shall I know a father's heart, but by his fatherly dealing towards me ? John xiii. 1.
!24thly, I have by observation foimd, that everything works for good to me, the Lord doing good to me by sins, desertions, tenta- tions, and afilictions. The end hath been a discovery of the Lord's kindness in supporting and comforting me when troubled, and dehvering me out of it, which hath drawn my love and confidence to him ; by these hath he kept me waking, and tried, exercised, and increased any good in me. All his ways have I found mercy and truth, Psal. xxv. 10 ; Rom. viii. 28.
25thly, I have seen grace stamped on all my mercies : as they come of grace, so I am made to see them all flowing in this channel. It is the elect that are saved by grace ; the " children of the pro- mise."
26thly, When I have been several times in anguish of spirit by reason of doubting of my interest, the Lord Jesus hath come and spoken to my soul in the gospel, and told me he was reconciled to me ; desired me not to fear ; that he would do all things for me that I wanted ; commanded me to believe ; gave me grounds and reasons for believing; and overcame me, and made me believe. And hath he promised, and will he not fidfil it ? My hopes are built on the promise of God ; he " cannot deny himself."
27tlily, I remark a special hand of God in all my deliverances. In a word, he lets none do me good but himself; a token that he is my Lord. Who is it that cares for the children, and provides for the wife, but the husband and father ?
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SECTION VII.
Declaring some practical considerations and instructions which the Lord taught, and by which I attained to settling and peace as to my interest in Christ, and through which mists, doubts, and fears, were driven away.
I have been, for a long time after the Lord had indeed shown kindness to me, kept under by a spirit of bondage, through fears, and doubts, and mistakes, under which I have groaned for several years after my first conversion, through manifold sins and tempta- tions ; which did not only take away my peace, but did me much prejudice otherwise : but in process of time the Lord did dispel these mists and fears, and by his word and Spirit of wisdom made me see things freely given me of God, establishing my heart. He discovered my mistakes, so as now I believe rather that I am con- verted, and my way and day is lightsome. The means and con- siderations were,
1. That there may be grace in the soul really, though it appear not gloriously unto the soul. " Our life is hid in Christ," Col. iii. 3 ; and " we know not what we shall be," 1 John iii. 2. There is indeed a marvellous glory in grace and the Spirit of holiness, but it is sullied with corruption ; and our eyes are dim, and cannot see this glory but darkly : this is the rust and dross that is in and upon this glorious metal. We are now " lying among the pots ; I am black," saith the spouse. Our graces discover themselves by their effects rather than by themselves, as a little smothered fire doth by the smoke ; hence, say not there is no grace, because ye see not the glory of it.
2. The Lord made me consider and know, that however, where there is one grace, there are all graces as to their being ; yet are not all graces exercised when one is. The exercise of one grace, proceeding from life, shows that all graces are there, though the life of grace stream not nor vent itself in all actions ; and, therefore, when we see grace stopt one way, it ordinarily breaks out in
266 MEMOIRS OF THE
another. Love cannot delight in God when he is away, because the object of dehght must be present ; but love vents itself' in sor- row for want of, and ardent desires after, the beloved object. I cannot get this and that done, saith the soul ; but grace vents itself another way, to wit, in mourning and self-loathing : and we see this frequently in Scriptm-e, that there is ordinarily but one grace exercised, or two at one time ; seldom do we see the ship with all her sails up. Think not, therefore, the gracious exercises of thy sj^irit delusions or common xoork^ when thou canst not exercise all graces.
3. That grace and corruption are not to Ijc looked upon in their actings on the sensitive and passionate faculties, so much as on the mind and Avill ; for the strength of sin is there. Rom. vii. 21, Paid distinguished the law in his members, and the law of his mind. I thought, and so do many still, that hardness of heart was want of horrors, great fears, and terrors upon the spirit ; but, by looking into the Scriptures, I see it consists more in the rebellion of the will and understanding. Mark vi. 52, It is said of the disciples, that " they did not believe, for their hearts were hardened." Pharaoh's hardness of heart did consist in the dis- obedience of his will. Gross objects and novelties have much influence on the sensitive faculties ; therefore there is no ground to fear, though, Imo, We cannot tear nor be tormented -with horror for sin ; though we find not so passionate desires after God, and so sensible as we do feel in the stomachs when we are hungry, or after an outward object. 2do, See what may be the cause why there is more tenderness at first conversion than afterwards. 3tio, Learn hence to judge of the graciousness of your spirits by the manner ye resolve in, more than by the executions of your resolu- tions. The frame of the heart in resolving should be more looked unto than in doing ; for the outward court is given unto the Gen- tiles. Look to your estimations, love, desires, will, purposes, rather than to any other thing.
4. True evangelical repentance consists rather in a sweet melting of heart for sin, and loathing and forsaking of it, than in a fearful
REV. JAMES FRASEK. 267
sensible apprehension of wrath and horror ; for " perfect love casteth out fear." And the humiliation which God requires is, to " break the bands of wickedness," Isa. Iviii. 6 ; otherwise the damned should have most repentance ; 2 Cor. vii. 10, " Godly sor- row worketh not death." Do not think thou wantest repentance, though thou wantest horror.
5. That the spirit of bondage, and horrors, and law-work, did in themselves produce evil effects, weakened the hands, drove from the Lord, and were evil in themselves, and contrary to the com- mands of God, " Fear not, cast out the bond-woman ;" contrary to Christ's ends, " These things have I spoken that ye might have peace;" contrary to Christ's allowance, "Ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear : " and therefore desire not a law-work or horrors, much less think not yourselves not sincere though ye want it and are kindly dealt with, but be rather thank- ful. It is true, the Lord by accidents doth good by this legal spirit. It is well distinguished by one, who distinguishes betwixt the event of a thing, and the effect of a thing.
6. There may be sincerity in the heart, and love to God, when the Lord heareth not prayer, hides his face, and frowns, afflicts, and crosses, and smites in all the labour of the hand : we see, saints complained of this before. The Father is still a father when he chastises, yea, will chastise because he is a father, Amos iii. 2, Be more holy, and please God, and he will be a father to you. These may be trials ; when thou therefore findest these things, conclude not that the Lord is thine enemy.
7. The quality, and nature, and sincerity of actions and graces, are rather to be looked into than the measure. Christ notices the widow's mite, and cup of cold water, and the grain of mustard- seed. Consider not then how much, as what : grace and mercy here is but the earnest of glory. You will not question the bar- gain because of the quantity of the earnest. Be then thankfiU and rejoice in little mercies ; the Lord's people are a poor and needy people. Hast thou love, faith, humility, or knowledge? Then question not your state, though they run low.
268 MEMOIUS OF THE
8. By poM^erfliUy persuading me that it is the duty of all to be- lieve on Christ, to come to him ; yea, both good and bad, humbled and unhumbled, are to rest on him. It is true, none will believe but humbled sinners ; and therefore are ministers bound to show them their misery, that they may seek to the physician. But it is the duty of aU to believe ; it is a moral duty that glorifies God, enjoined to the ignorant Jews, John vi. 28, 29, and the wicked are damned for want of this. And, therefore, though I find not these qualifications in me, I am not to stay away from Christ, but rather to come ; for Christ as a Saviour is declared to save sinners im- mediately. Though unhumbled, yet it is thy duty to believe, as well as to sanctify a Sabbath.
9. Evils, such as afflictions, desertions, tentations, sins, plagues of heart, though in themselves they be evil, yet are in their end and destination from love and for good. The physician doth not hate because he makes the patient sick, nor doth the parent abhor because he correcteth. Hag. ii. 17, " Smiting in all the labour of the hands" is, that they may turn. Hos. v. 15, The Lord's leav- ing of a land, and hiding of his face, is, that they may acknow- ledge their iniquities : the rod is, Isa. xxvii. 9, to " purge away sin." The messenger indeed is hard-favoured and unpleasant to behold, but he hath a love-letter from God, and a sweet message ; God therefore may love me, though I be trysted vnth. these evils.
10. Prayers unanswered are not a sign of hatred. God hears, accepts, and loves the prayer, which he presently, to sense, directly answers not. Imo, The beloved people of God complained of this. 2do, Unnecessary and needless petitions are only denied, such as great measures of grace, extraordinary raptures. 3tio, We ask what is not good for us ; God will not give a knife to cut our hands. 4to, God never denies his people without a reason, and sometimes shows the reason, 2 Cor. xii. 8, 9. 5to, God answers materially and equivalently, though not in our way, fancy, and notion. 6to, Christ's answers are oftentimes mysterious, and we uptake them not ; when he really answers, it is we that hear not, because Christ opens his mouth in dark sayings. 7mo, They arc
REV. JAMES ERASER. 269
but suspended and not rejected, and shall be answered. 8vo, Thou art the better of prayer, it is blessed to thee : what though thou get not what thou goest to court for ? yet the Lord gives thee what bears thy charges coming and going, and bids thee come again. 9mo, Thou gettest a promise of answer.
11. The love of God to a soul doth vent itself more in humbling, strengthening, and sanctifying the soul, than in comforting it with extraordinary raptures. They are not the strongest nor the best beloved Christians, whose sense is most indulged; "Blessed are they who see not, and believe." Believing Mary is prohibited to touch Christ, and unbelieving Thomas is commanded to put his hands in his side. I have seen some, that have had great raptures of joy, prove but stark naught. The greatest mercy is holiness and grace to honour him ; if God bestow that, doubt not of his love, he will come again in heaven, and vent his love to thee.
12. The love of God doth vent itself to a gracious soul, not always in the channel which the soul cuts out to it to run in ; it vents itself under any trouble, rather in supporting and comforting the soul under trouble, than in removing it. When the bush bums, the Lord's love manifests itself, not in quenching the fire altogether, but in keeping the bush unconsumed. Rejoice, therefore, if com- forted, supported, and sanctified under trouble, though not delivered from it.
13. Our happiness, and Christ's love to us, doth appear and is more in the promise, in himself, and by what he will give, than by what saints have received or presently feel. " Our life is hid with Christ ; and we know not what we shall be." We have now but the earnest ; " ear hath not heard, eye hath not seen, what is pre- pared." Here is sorrow, labour, pain, and wants. Ye will never love Christ, nor rejoice in your portion, if you look not above your receivings, and to what you have in heaven ; " Fear not, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."
14. A gracious frame doth not always last. True gi'ace, as to the being, never perishes, though as to the disposition and exercise it mav and doth. When the Lord hath visited a soul, and made
270 MEMOIRS OF THE
the heart tender, and shined upon it, and then drawn a veil, and the soul findeth itself dead and heartless, it secretly thinketh all that it had formerly to be delusions, and so is unthankful and dis- couraged ; why ? because it is perished, and so at best it is but common. But a thing may remain in its root (" his seed abideth in him") though the leaves fall ; yea, it must be so, that thou mightest repair to the fountain, Christ, to fill thy empty bottles in : see it in saints ; " All flesh is grass." The meat ye eat in the morning wdll not serve at night.
15. By considering that the Lord, and his grace, mercy, and truth, is the ground of our hope, rejoicing, and glorying, om' life, our light and consolation ; he is " the confidence of all the ends of the earth," 1 Cor. i. 31. Therefore our sins or shortcomings, weakness, blindness, should not discourage us, or make us doubt of heaven, or any mercy ; because our title is not founded on these, but on the Lord Jesus himself, and our hopes should be propor- tioned to the grounds of our hope. " In the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength," therefore is there never ground of doubting.
16. As Christ in the days of his flesh, and appearance in the world, was growing up " as a plant out of a dry ground," and that his " kingdom came not with observation; "so may the Lord come quietly without noise or din into a soul, and they not know it. It is a mistake to think, as many do, that when this Lord Jesus and King of glory shall come to the soul, heaven shall be, as it were, opened, and some glorious rapture, as the Jews did dream of his outward coming : no ; he may come to the soid in a very poor and despicable condition, and ordinarily he is in the still small voice. Think not therefore that Christ came not to thy soul, because thou hast not seen him in pomp and glory.
17. The Lord's dealings and method with others are not our rule. It is the cause of much doubting and disquietness, that per- sons, reading unattentively in books the Lord's way to others, hence cut out this channel to themselves, and think, Thus and thus I must be dealt with, or else not at all, and hence seek ; and if the Lord truly come, yet if not in their model, they care not,
REV. JAMES ERASER. 271
believe not. 2 Kings v. 11, Because the prophet would not cure Naaman in the way he proposed, he is offended. Let God tutor you. This is a " limiting of the Holy One." The Lord may really come, and yet never in that way thou chalkest out to him.
18. By making me consider and seriously ponder, that there is flesh and an unrenewed part, which inclmeth to all evil, and leadeth captive to death, as well as there is a new man. And hence be not disquieted, as many are, though ye find carnality, pride, and opposition to every good way ; if thou find a renewed part fighting against this, loathing thyself for and mom^ning under this ; but cast the saddle on the right horse ; attribute all thy evil to the flesh, and thy good to the Spirit.
19. Times should be distinguished. If in winter ye sec neither leaves nor fruit on trees, ye wonder not : this is a winter, a day of famine ; and, therefore, though the Lord never wholly leave his people, yet are there certain seasons when aU the saints' life and glory may be in the root ; this is a day of famine, and of wrath and desolation. The righteous " bring forth fruit in their season."
20. Faith is the most profitable duty to ourselves, most pleasing to God ; and, on the contrary, I have found unbelief most hateful and dishonourable to God, and most prejudicial to myself, and therefore by all means to be shunned.
21. Neither books, nor providences, nor suggestions, are 0™" rule to judge ourselves by, nor to be credited absolutely ; but the Scripture is our rule, and we are to judge of all things by it, and to fall and stand to this master. And every spirit, suggestion, and apprehension, ere it be admitted, is to be tried by Scriptm'e ; and if according to the Scripture ye be found sincere, then let books, suggestions, and all say what they Avill. And truly, most men's fears and doubts proceed from mistaken marks given in books, or dumb suggestions, I think; but saith the Scripture so? Isa. viii. 20.
22. Look not so much on the beginning of a Christian's life or exercise, as to the end ; God's dealings begin with tragedies, and
272 MEMOIRS OF THE
end in comedies. The Lord will " do thee good in thy latter end ; the latter end of that man is peace."
SECTION VIII.
Containing general and special Rules for ordering my speech, behaviour^
and practice.
The Lord's people walk by rule ; their life is fitly compared, Heb. xii. 1, to a race : and I have therefore thought upon some general rules to be observed as the foundation of all true religion.
§ 1. General Rules.
1st Rule. Labour to know and find out wherein a man's chief happiness doth consist : have an end to follow ; till a man intend right, he can never have a right motion. Fix the heart in the belief of this, that the enjoyment of God in Christ is our happi- ness ; and make the heart to close with this. Alas ! the most of us walk at random, like beasts, without an end. This is the foundation of all, John xvii. 3, " It is life eternal to know God, and whom he hath sent."
2rf Rule. It will much contribute to our motion in the way, to be armed with a strong and deliberate resolution to walk in such ways; this will determine us, Psal. cxix. 106, 111, "I have chosen thy precepts as mine heritage for ever." " I have sworn, and I will perform it, that I will observe all thy righteous judg- ments." Consider and weigh the advantages and disadvantages of religion, and then thoroughly determine and bind thyself with the strongest engagements ; be positive, not halting.
?>d Rule. Labour to have and keep right, sound, orthodox, and charitable thoughts of God : fix a lovely character of God in thy heart, such as, Exod. xxxiv. 6, 7. Fix the faith of God's attri- butes— study this most; "This is life eternal." Rom. x. 14, " How shall they call on him whom they have not known ?" It
IlEV. JAMES FKASEK. 273
is a superstitious uuprofitable worship tliat is uot to the true God.
4^A Rule. Be always in duty ; racers must keep the gate : never be idle. As there is an end, so there is a way ; never sit still. Lay it as a foundation, to be always in duty ; never to quit that, whatever it be. 1 Cor. xv. 58, " Always abounding in the work of the Lord." Job xvii. 9, " The righteous holdeth on in his way." We by idleness lose much ; we are employed in such a work as we must not suffer to grow cold. Oh, our interruptions do us much prejudice ! Little and Httle makes good speed at last.
bth Rule. Walk by faith, and not by sense ; that is, make the Scriptures thy rule ; think, love, judge, and do according to this. Examine all things : As a man hath an end and way, so hath he a rule to direct him ; this is the Scriptures, 2 Cor. v. 7 ; Deut. iv. 1, 2 ; and vi. 1, 2. Reject all other guides but this.
Qth Rule. Believe always, and never despair ; keep the heart up. Whatever come, lose not your confidence ; never sink by discour- agement, hoping always stedfastly unto the end. " Trust In him at all times, ye people." Heb. Hi. 6, " Hold fast your confidence stedfast unto the end." No ground ever for despair — the ground of faith remains alway ; therefore never lose yom* hope : " It is good for a man to hope," Lam. HI. 26 ; Isa. xxvl. 4.
1th Rule. Live near the Lord always ; that which Is expressed in Scripture by " walking with God, setting him always at our right hand." Let heart, thoughts, and aifectlons, retain ever some im- pressions of his presence ; fear always. Keep yourselves in the love of God ; if departed, return again ; If returned, keep with him. All good Is with God, and all 111 comes from his absence and distance : " Woe unto them when I leave them." Lose not your guide by any means ; he Is " all things," life, light, strength, and health. Ye cannot be without this, Hos. xil. 6, " Wait continually on thy God." Psal. xvi. 8 ; Gen. xvii. 1 ; John xv. 4, 5, 6, " With- out me ye can do nothing." Psal. Ixxili. 28, " It Is good for me to draw near to God."
8^// Rule. Be always humble ; never numnur ; be always vile in VOL. II. s
274 MEMOIRS OF THE
thine own eyes ; justify the Lord always ; submit to ever}- dispen- sation ; let never your spirits be i*ankled or fired, ^licah vi. 8, " Walk humbly with thy God."
9/A Rule. Keep your spirits sober and in health ; if sick and dis- tempered, ye cannot travel : not drunken with the " cares of this world," Luke xii. 45. Be not lifted up Avith pride or passion ; he whose spirit is lifted up within him is not right. Keep your spirits in an equal balance, 1 Pet. v. 8, " Be sober;" suffer not your pas- sions to run to excess : sober in weeping, rejoicing, speaking, doing, fearing, Phil, iv. 5; 1 Cor. vii. 30. Be always master of thyself; unshaken.
lOth Ride. Study temperance — this is objective sobriety ; tem- perance in meat, drink, sleep, and recreations. Shun excess, by which the spirits are indisposed. The heathen call temperance the ground-work and foundation of all virtue, 2 Pet. i. 5, 6 ; Prov. xxiii. 20. Racers must be dieted and temperate, 1 Cor. ix. 25, " He that warreth must be temperate in all things." Surfeiting is forbidden, Luke xxi. 34.
llth Rule. Beware of worldly-mindedness, and being too much engaged in the world : " He that warreth doth not entangle him- self in the affairs of this life," 2 Tim. ii. 4. Have as little ado in the world as ye can ; take no more in hand than ye are well able to master. If engaged, flee as a bird out of the snare, and j)ut thy house in order, but put the world out of thy heart especially : " No man can serve two masters."
12^^ Rule. Be watchful : beware of a spirit of slumber, stand always on your guard ; " Watch in all things," as the apostle com- manded Timothy. " Blessed is the man that feareth always." Be always suspicious, Prov. xxviii. 14. Never turn secure or care- less ; remember your adversary is still busy, and liis snares are con- tinually set : "Be vigilant" therefore, 1 Pet. v. 8. Keep your eyes always open ; look and ponder everything ; be not rash or hasty.
loth Rule. Be diligent in the means both public and private, in hearing, meditation. Christian conference, ejaculatory prayer, read- ing ; especially private pvnyer: n man cannot be a (liristinn with-
PtEV. JAMES FRASER. 275
out this. Ye cannot work or travel unless ye eat, Prov. x. 4, " The liand of the diligent makcth rich."
14:th Rule. Look upon sin as the greatest evil, and never to be done ; whatever ye do, shun sin, and shun tentations to evil as well as evil itself.
§ 2. Bides I daily folloto in my daily walk : or, some special Rules for ordering my own particular Conversation.
\st particular Rule. In imitation of Christ and his apostles, and to get good done, I purpose to rise timely every morning. Job i. 5 ; 2 Chron. xxxvi. 15.
M Rule. To ])ropose, when I am up, some work to be done, or tlie work of the day, and liow and when to do it, and to engage my heart to it, 1 Tim. iv. 7, and at even to call myself to account, and to mouni for failings.
M Rule. To spend a competent portion of time every day in prayer, reading, meditating, spiritual exercises, morning, mid-day, evening, and ere I go to bed.
4:th Rule. Once in the month, either the end or middle of it, I keep a day of humiliation for the public condition, for tlie Lord's people and their sad condition, for the raising up the work and people of God.
bth Rule. I spend, by and attour this, one for my own private condition, in conflicting with spiritual evils, and to get my heart more holy, or to get some special exercise throughed, once in six weeks.
^th Rule. I spend every week once, four hours over and above my daily portion in private for some special causes relating either to myself or others, relating either to temporal or civil aflTairs.
1th Rule. To spend some time on Saturday towards night for preparation to the Sabbath.
8^A Rule. To spend six or seven days together once in a year, when 1 have greatest conveniency, wholly and only on spiritual accounts.
9)^/i Rule. My ordinary and extraordinaiy works, which every day I strive to finlsli, nrc, to mortify sin, to perfect holiness in the
270 MEMOIRS OF TIIK
fear of the Lord, to glorify God, to Instruct others and do them good, to attend on and \A^alk closely with the Lord. This I pro- pose every day to myself to do and finish, and at even do examine myself of my progress and diligence therein ; this is my work and exercise.
lO^A Ride, l^o be always on my guard, in a watchful, fearing frame.
§ 3. Rules in Speaking.
I have found by Scripture and experience how much it concerns us to watch our tongues, it being that Instrument whereby we may do most 111 or good to others, that hath Influence on the whole body. And seeing religion kyths most in this, (" He that bridleth not his tongue, his religion Is vain ;" and whoso can, " Is a perfect man,") I will therefore set down some ndes which I have proposed to myself for ordering my speech and words.
\st Rule. Speak nothing materially sinful, such as lying, swear- ing, cursing, scolding, backbiting, or any thing that may dishonour God, or wrong your neighbour, Psal. xxxlv. 13.
2(1 Rule. Speak no Idle language, that hath no profit or edifica- tion, such as frothy words, foolish talking and jesting ; but let them be seasoned with grace, as with salt, Eph. v. 4 ; Mat. xll. 36.
?>d Rule. Speak not much ; be sparing In discourse, James i. 19, " Slow to speak." " In the multitude of w^ords there wants not sin."
A^ili Rule. Speak soberly both as to mattej' and manner. It is said of the whore, Prov. vii. 11," She is loud and clamorous ; " and of some, Jude, ver. 16, that they "speak high sAvelling words." This Is contrary to Christ, whose " voice was not heard in the streets." A meek, quiet spirit Is calm in words ; loud, violent, earnest speaking argues a proud, distempered, unmortified heart.
hth Rule. Speak not rashly nor hastily ; be not precipitate in speaking ; advise ere ye speak ; do not out with every thing ye conceive : " The righteous studleth to answer."
6//? Ride. Speak weightily and seriously, reverently and gravely,
KEY. JAMES ERASER. 277
in religious discourses esjjecially. Christ " spake as one having authority." Our speech as to the manner, as well as to the matter, should betray us that we " have been with Jesus." Be not slight or careless.
1th Rule. Sj^eak in faith : " I believed, and therefore spake," Psal. cxvi. 10 ; 2 Cor. iv. 13. It is a fault to speak of those things we neither know nor believe ; uncertainties are not fit matter of dis- course : " That which we know declare we unto you."
^th Rule. In speaking, it were good to be looking up in prayer to God in heart ; as, if ye have spoken amiss, O Lord, pardon ; when ye are called to speak, O Lord, open my mouth, and help to a seasonable word, and what to say ; to seek a blessing. Lord, bless what I am to discourse to my neighbour. Thus did Nehe- miah ii. 4.
^th Rule. Speak wisely and pertinently to the time and pvirpose ye intend, and persons ye speak to ; that is called " speaking words in season." Col. iii. 16, " Let the wt>rd of Christ dwell richly in you in all wisdom, admonishing one another."
lO^A Rule. Speak in fear : it were good to have a bridle always in the mouth, and no word to get out without permission, Psal. xxxix. 1. It was ill said, " Our lips are our own, who is Lord over us ?" As there is eating without fear, so there is speaking without fear.
Will Rule. Let not your neighboiu''s faiilts be the subject of your talk, though it be true. " AVho backbiteth not," Psal. xv. 3. Show thy neighbour his faults.
I'ltJi Rule. Speak not of thyself or worth : " Let another praise thee, and not thine own mouth," neither directly nor indirectly ; let thy works praise thee. It is an ordinary tiling for a proud heart to hunt for estimation from others to itself, by teUing its own acts or resolutions. I have added these last two, because professors ordi- narily miscarry in these.
§ 1. Rules in our Actions. I shall comprehend in this both civil and religious actions ;
'21 >^ 3ij':moik8 or the
actions should not only be good as to their matter, but as to their manner.
1st Rule. Do nothing without foresight ; let thine eye of know- ledge guide thee continually in the Avay thou art to walk in. Lam. iii. 40, first " search and try your ways," then tuni. " Ponder the path of thy feet." Do all things as a man, and by rule, Prov. iv. 26, so shalt thou have peace.
2cZ Rule. Whatever thou do, do it spiritually as the Lord's work ; as to him, because commanded by him, Eph. vi. 6, 7, 8 ; Col. iii. 23.
?>d Rule. Labour for spirituality in your outAvard deportments, as well as in your hearts, in a grave, wise, sober, and humble car- riage. " Be holy in all manner of conversation," 1 Pet. i. 14, 15. Let holiness be on bells, pots, bridles, and horses, Zecli. xiv. 20, 21. Have on the wedding-garment.
Aith Rule. In midst of business look up ever and anon to heaven ])y ejaculatory prayer, to preserve the soul from corruption ; and keep divine impressions, that they die not out, Eph. vi. 18 ; 1 Thess. v. 17.
bth Rule. Whatever thou dost, depend on the Lord ; do nothing without him, but '' in all thy ways acknowledge Imn," Prov. iii. 6 ; Isa. XXX. 2 ; Psul. xxxvii. 5 ; Neh. ii. 4 ; 1 Sam. xvii. 45.
Qth Rule. Whatever ye do, " do it with all thine heart," i. e., quickly without delay, and heartily, doing Avliat thou dost only, and nothing else, Eccl. ix. 10.
7tk Rule. Whatever ye do, do it in faith, aa ithout which " it is impossible to please God ;" in faith of the lawfulness of it, in faith of God's assistance and acceptance : else, doubting, ye are damned, Rom. xiv. 22, 23 ; Heb. xi. 6, 7. Do nothing without or against conscience.
Sth Rule. Be sober in what ye do : eat, drink, marry, and buy, as though ye did it not, in an holy indiffercncy, referring the event to God, 1 Cor. vii. 29, 30, 31. Be not fretted with cares, lay not out too much affections or heart with your actions ; but " let your moderation be known to all men, the Lord is at hand,'" Philip, iv. 5.
KEV. JAMES FKASEK. 279
\)th Rule. Rest not in actions, but seek the end of an action, Matth. vi. 16. Rest not in prayer, but labour to attain the end of prayer by meditation and prayer. Be not like children shooting at random without a mark.
\Qth Rule. Bound your actions with your callings : fight, but not out of your station, 1 Cor. vii. 24, " Let every man wherein he is called walk with God." 1 Thess. iv. 11 ; 1 Tim. v. 13, Doing your own business.
§ 5. Rules for our Conversation.
First Rule. Mark the frame of your heart and your carriage im- mediately after you have been near God ; and see what deportment ye are then inclined to follow, and study that always.
Second Rule. Follow that kind of conversation wherein ye have most peace after serious reflections on your ways. I think little peace shall be found in a light, furious, carnal conversation.
Third Rule. Look to the carriage of Christ, his apostles and pro- phets, and study that conversation that ye think was Christ's or the apostles' ; this was not a laughing, frothy, vain, light con- versation. When, therefore, thou art examining such a carriage, ask, Would Christ have done this ? would this set Paul to do ? 1 Cor. xi. 1, and iv. 17 ; Matth. xi. 29, 30.
Fourth Rule. Study that conversation which is most agreeable and suitable to your profession, gospel estate, and station, 1 Thess. ii. 12. Walk " as becometh the Gospel," suitably to the provi- dences ye are trysted with, James v. 13, and to the persons ye have to do Avith.
Fifth Rule. Walk not outwardly mom*nfidly before the wicked, who may be ready to make sport of thy sadness, nor before those who may be discouraged. Shun carnal mirth, Micali i. 10 ; 2 Sam. i. 20.
Sixth Rule. Study that conversation which is most edifying, most convincing and condemning of the wicked, 1 Pet. i. 14, 15, and likcst to glorify God and the Gospel, Col. iv. 6.
Seventh Rule. A grave serious conversation, mixed Avith serenity,
280
MEMOIRS OP THE
itj a good conversation ; and this is like Christ, this is suitable to our great work and aims. Let the mad children of the world trifle and play, we are called to seriousness, 1 Tim. iii. 2 ; Tit. ii. 2.
Eighth Rule. Be circmnspect in your conversation, and wise, espe- cially "towards them that are without," Eph. v. 15; Eccl. ii. 14. Keep up the Chi-istian decorum ; let nothing escape thee but what is befitting the majesty of a Christian ; labom' not to disparage that at all. Walk worthy of your calHng.
Ninth Rule. Walk soberly in apparel, 1 Pet. iii. 3, sober in pas- sions, sober in expressions ; do nothing violently or passionately, keeping passions within bounds : Walk with a sober pace, not " tinlding Avith your feet."
Tenth Rule. Walk kindly, lovingly, and courteously ; be ready to serve all : A tart, rigid carriage is not good ; " the Son of man came eating and drinking," Acts xxvii. 3, and xxviii. 2, 7. Stoicism is not Christianity. Through thy gravity and holiness let love ap- pear ; receive all ; " become all things to all men" except with apos- tates and open enemies ; yea, let your reproofs be in love. Lev. xix. 17.
SECTION IX.
Declaring such things as, through the LunCs blessing^ heme done
me good.
I cannot deny but the Lord hath shown me kindness and done me good, and that a little one hath become a great nation, and that, however " I am poor and needy," yet " the Lord remembers me." And notwithstanding "I came over this Jordan with my staff," yet now ajn I, by the Lord's blessing, " become two bands." But whatever good it be that the Lord hatli shoAvn me for the benefit of others, and confirmation of myself, I have thought fit to shoAV and set down these things, which, in my experience, through the Lord's blessing, I have found to be most hel})ful imto me in fur- thering me in the Avays of holiness, peace, and ftllowship Avith God.
REV. JAMES FRASEE. 281
And I have found these twenty-seven things especially concur, and blest for doino; me fjood : —
1. The society of saints : When they have been full in communi- cating their cases, they have encouraged me, my griefs have been eased by them ; I have, by their godly conversation, been provoked to good works ; I have been kept in life by them, recovered out of decays by them, enlightened and edified by them, Eccl. iv. 4, 9, 10, 11 ; 1 Cor. xii. 7 ; Heb. x. 24, 25 ; Trov. xxvii. 17. " Iron sharpeneth iron."
2. I have found much profit by observing the Lord's providences, by searching into God's ends in dispensations, whether good or evil ; this hath made me see much love in things, freed my judg- ment from confusions, and made me know my duty, Micah vi. 9 ; Ilosea xiv. 9 ; Psalm cvii. 43 ; Jer. viii. 7 ; Gen. xxv. 22 ; Exod. iii. 3, 4.
3. I have found meditation on the attributes of God to do me much good, especially his love, power, sovereignty, and holiness. Job xxii. 21 ; John xvii. 3, for thereby have I been made conform to his image, and my love, fear, and faith, have been begotten and increased, Psal. ix. 10; Eph. iii. 18, 19.
4. I have found much good by a long and serious study and pon- dering of the covenant of grace ; the freedom, fldness, and im- changeableness thereof; the condition, (faith,) and nature thereof. By meditation on the gospel, gospel-promises, offers, and invitations ; this hath strengthened and sanctified me, given me more know- ledge of Christ and of his ways than any thing that ever I was ex- ercised in. I have found it indeed the " ministration of life," Gal. iii. 2 ; Ileb. xi. throughout; Rom. i. 16, 17.
5. I have found the Lord confining me at home, in not calling me abroad ; ordinarily this hath been a gathering time, and never ordinarily better than when alone. Abstraction and solitude hath done me good, Prov. xviii. 1 ; Numb. vi. 2, 3 ; Hos. ii. 14. God hath oftentimes visited me in a solitary wilderness.
6. I have found outward aflflictions and hard measure from the world doing me good, humbling my soul, mortifying me to the
282 MEMOIRS OF THE
world, making Clirist and his consolations sweet, whom before I cared not much for ; I fomid it good to bear the yoke in my youth ; I have thereby learned dependence on God, and have had much exj^erience of his love in supporting me under afflictions, sanctify- ing them to me, and dehvering me out of them. Lam. iii. 27 ; Psal. xciv. 12 ; Heb. xii. 11 ; Psal. cxix. 67, 71 ; Prov. xxix. 15 ; Hos. V. 15.
7. I have found quietness in spirit, moderation and calmness in speaking, and advisedness doing me good ; and, while thus in silence I have waited on God, his Spmt hath breathed, Isa. vii. 4, and ix. 15 ; Exod, xiv. 13 ; 2 Chron. xx. 17 ; Phil. iv. 7 ; Lam. iii. 26; 1 Pet. v. 7.
8. Ihave found much good by the diligent practice of private duties, such as prayer, meditation, reading, self-examination, and such like. I have thereby been strengthened, quickened, and drawn near to God ; they have been as meat and drink. Mat. vi. 6 ; Luke xxii. 46 ; Psalm i. 2, 3 ; Job viii. 5 ; Prov. xviii. 1.
9. I have found extraordinary duties of fasting, and improving other occasions over and above the morning and evening sacrifice, do me much good ; much of the Loi'd's mind by these hath been revealed, Dan. x. 12, and strong lusts have by these extraordinary occasions received a dead stroke. I have been sensibly comforted at these occasions ; these, after long sickness, have given me health. Psalm cxxvl. 6 ; Jer. 1. 5, 6; Isa. Iviii. 7, 8 ; Mark ix. 29.
10. I have found the Lord kind to me since I left off hearinsr of the conformists ; since that day the scales have been falling from my eyes : Whilst I heard, I was still kept in bondage, 2 Cor. vi. 17, 18 ; 1 Cor. v. 7.
11. I have found much good from and by the prayers of others ; for since I did employ some for that effect, I have found much good. And I have observed, that those of us who do seek the benefit of other's prayers Avere the most thriving Christians ; and those who neglect this to decay and wither. Job xlii. 8 ; James v. 16; Eph. vi. 19; Rom. xv. 30; 2 Thess. iii. 1, 2.
12. I have found very much good liy doing good io others, by
KEY. JAMES EKASEK, 283
instructing, exhorting, and teaching of them, and praying for them, especially the poor ignorant people. Yea, in the very time while I have been speaking to them, a glorious light hath shined upon my soul, and made me apprehend those things I have been declar- ing to them more clearly ; yea, when full of confusions and sorrows going about this duty, my heart hath thereby been lightened, my talents improved, Isa. xxxii. 20 ; Eccl. xi. 1 ; Prov. xi. 25.
13. I have found the serious consideration of true Christiivn lib- erty, and of the easiness of Christ's yoke, and Christ's love in com- mands, in opposition to a slavish spirit and scrupulous feaiiid con- science, do me very much good, and make my heart engage in the service of God, 1 Kings xii. 4 ; Luke i. 74 ; Eom. vii. 1, 4, 6, and vi. 14 ; Nell. ix. 35 ; Dcut. xxviii. 48, as likewise using considera- tions against discouragements, 1 Sam. xii. 19, 20.
14." I have found much profit and strength by considering of baptism, and what it sealeth ; cases and scruples thereby cleared and removed, and faith of interest strengthened, and I thereby em- boldened to draw near to God, Horn, vi., first twelve verses.
] 5. The Lord hath blessed the reading of practical writings to me, and thereby my heart hath been put into a frame, and much strength and light gotten ; such as Isaac Ambrose, Goodwin, INIr Gray, and very much by Rutlierford's above others, but most of all by Thomas Shepherd of Ncav England his works ; he hath by the Lord been made tlic " interpreter, one of a thousand ;" so that, under Christ, I have been obliged to his waitings as much and more than to any mean whatsomever for wakening, strengthening, and enlightening of my soul ; the Lord made him a Avell of water to me in all my wilderness straits.
16. I have found it good to put a good construction on the Lord's ways, when they have been outwardly very sad, Exod. xx. 19.
17. I have found nnich good by speaking to the praise and com- mendation of God. When many times not so aflTectlonately, yet sincerely out of the sense of duty, I have begun to praise him to (>thcrs, I have found my tongue to have affected my heart, James
284 MEMOIRS OF THE
iii. 2 ; Psalm cv. 3, and cxlv. 5, 6, 11. The Lord hath sensibly rewarded me for this.
18. I have found much good by sore and long inward tentations, being " poiu"cd from vessel to vessel," changing and being changed, lifted up, and casten down ; the greatest settlement is by these. Isa. xxxviii. 16, "By these" (saith Hezekiah) "shall men live." These humbled me, and kept me waking, and ever crying to the Lord ; and have given me much experience of the Lord's kindness, and acquainted me with the exercise of saints in the Scripture, James i. 2.
19. Resisting of strong tentations, and engaging with difficult duties, and coming over the belly of indispositions within, loss and contempt from the world without, and so taking up the cross ; the Lord hath signally 0A\Tied me in these, and the fruits of them have been very great ; such as, praying under indispositions, reproving of acquaintances, forsaking of ways and thoughts very pleasing to the flesh, Jer. ii. 1, 2 ; Ilcb. xi. 6 ; Eom. ii. 7 ; Mat. v. 10, and xvi. 24.
20. I have found much good by studying and exercising the duty of humility and submission, James iv. 7. Duties are easy to an humble spirit ; it eases the soul of disquietments, and makes burdens easy. Hell is not hell to an humble soul, saith Shepherd. I have ever found help when humbled.
21. The calling to mind and seriously meditating on the Lord's dealings with me as to soid and body, his manifold mercies, has done me very much good, cleared my case, confirmed my soul of God's love, and my interest in him, and made me love him. O what good hath the Avriting of this book done me ! and what wells of water have mine eyes been opened to see which before were hid ! Psahn cvii. 4, and xviii. 1, 2. Scarce any thing hath done me more good.
22. Making and renewing of vows and covenants with God, though gone about in much weakness, and but weakly performed, yet hath it begotten life, and kindly thoughts of God, and hath
I
REV. JAMES ERASER. 285
been a mean to recover me out of decay, and to keep from further backsliding, Deut. xxix. 12, 13.
23. Meditation on the most common truths and general hath done me good, such as death, heaven, judgment, sin, God's being and providence, man's fall, and Christ's death, &g.
24. Speedy going about duties, without trifling or delaying. A duty done in time is worth twice so much delayed.
25. By writing on points of divinity ; as on the Scriptures, on God's attributes, on Christian duties, sermons, cases, and the like ; these, like fresh water, have kept my heart.
26. Serious and deliberate self-examination, and, while thus ex- ercised, trying myself, looking to the qualifications of saints and hypocrites in Scripture, their sins and failings ; studying the nature of true saving grace, the difference, according to the Scriptures, betwixt false and true grace ; this hath contributed much to my settlement.
27. I have found much good by being abstracted from meddling in temporal or civil business. That I had not great meddling in affairs in the beginning of my Christian course, partly that others did not employ me, but took all to their own hand ; partly that I was indifferent, and had no heart while I had so great things ado in reference to my soul. And although my affairs called for dili- gence, yet do I not now repent it ; for I thereby got my heart wholly taken up with my soul's condition, and had no divertise- mcnt, Prov. xviii. 1.
SECTION X.
Declaring such things as have done me evil.
1. A legal spirit. When Satan presses duties violently and boastingly, with thunder and lightning overdriving me, laying more upon me than I am able to bear, putting new wine in old bottles, seeking such and such duties and so much, exacting them by
28») MEMOIRS OF THE
weight and measm-e. This weakens my hands, irritates me, makes me do nothing, seeing I cannot get what is enjoined done ; makes me act slavishly, Gen. xxxiii. 13; Rom. vii. 11 ; Heb. x. 12, 13 ; Luke xix. 21.
2. The society of carnal luiregenerate people, and graceless for- mal professors, especially if familiar with them, and not living very abstract and at distance from them, or not testifying against them or instructing them. They have, when near, dispersed their poison and infection, and turned my heart carnal ; like some sicknesses, if ye lie not near the persons that have them, they smite not, 1 Cor. XV. 33, " Evil communication corrupteth good manners."
3. I have found the society of the godly hurtful, and drawing my heart from God, and rendering it carnal, when it hath not been spiritually improven ; when the Lord hath not been sought to by mutual prayer, and no spiritual conference, and when I have stayed too long with them at once, Heb. iii. 1 3. When there is no ex- horting one another there is hardening.
4. I have had my spirit turned out of frame, and quite distem- pered by loud, violent, hasty, and much talk, though of good pur- poses. I have found " the talking of the lips tend to penury," and " a breach made in the spirit," (as saith the wise man,) ''- by per- verse speaking," James iii. 5, 6 ; Prov. xvii. 27 ; Mat. xv. 8.
5. I have found public occasions and going oft from home hurt- ful, and these like the devil's market-days. Let me prepare and pray as I will ; yea, and watch, my spirit hath thereby been dis- tracted and distempered, especially if I have gone on slight calls. Riding here and there is good neither for soul nor body.
6. I have found intemperance and excess in the use of meat, drink, and other recreations, very prejudicial, and to be the ordi- nary inlet of many evils ; for the body thereby being distempered, the spirit hath been utterly indisposed to any good exercise, Luke xxi. 34 ; Prov. xxv. 27, and xxlii. 20, 21.
7. Omission of duties in })nvate, or slight performance of them ; wlien I have begun to be inon> remiss in such a'racious exercises of
REV. JAMES FKASElt. 287
prayers, exaniiiiatioiij meditation, and reading, Mat. xxvi. 41 ; Prov. xxiii. 21.
8. Neglect of ejaculatory prayer when conversing with others ; for this is the fountain of waters that drops from heaven, and makes the lieart fruitful, Mat. xxvi. 41.
9. Impertinent vain thoughts in the morning, and when riding, and when in private religious exercises ; though materially good, I have found these to distemper my spirit as much as any thing, and to render me utterly unfit for duty, Jer. iv. 14.
10. Uuwatchfidness and heart security while in the world, not being " in the fear of God all the day long," not keeping guard, or neglecting the continual oversight of my heart, tongue, and actions, but gromng careless. I have found my heart un watched to run away, and engage in sins and tentations : Many disorders in the city while there is no government. Mat. xxvi. 41. This hath done evil exceedingly ; through this I lose in public what I gain in private.
11. Unbelieving discouragements arising from sense of wants, sins, desertions, and tentations ; these have Aveakened my hands, 1 Sam. xii. 20; Lam. i. 9 ; Jer. ii. 28 ; Heb. xii. 12, 13. When Peter did fear, then did he begin to sink.
12. Great engagements in civil affairs and business, and eager prosecution of them ; these have distracted me, and made me utterly unserviceable to God, Luke x. 4, and xxi. 34.
13. Pride, and conceiting much of myself, boasting of myself, seeking the praise of men, and by a careful performance of duties, seeking to exalt myself, and to share with Christ in the matter of salvation ; this hath made the Lord reject me many times, with- drawing me from my resolution to "hide pride," Rom. ix. 31, 32. This made the Jews miss of righteousness, because they sought it " as it were by the works of the law."
14. Sloth in long sleeping, and trifling the time ; lliis hafh " clothed me with rags," especially in company.
288 MEMOIRS OF THE
SECTION XI.
Declaring some of Satan's sjnritaal and more subtile devices, wherdnj the icork of sanctijication hath been much hindered, 2 Cor. ii. 11.
1. In making me think the essence of true repentance to consist in contrition for sin more than in tnrning in heart and practice from it ; whereby it hath come to pass, that not finding myself in a mourning sorrowful frame, but straitened in my aifections, I have not turned from sin, but Avas still taken up in drawing out my sen- sible sorrow for it, as thinking there was no true repentance \\ath- out this ; and, when I moiu^ned, have rested in this, as if this were sufficient ; whereas, repentance doth mostly consist in turning to God, and mourning is but the manner and qualification of this act of turning, Joel ii. 12. " Turn with mourning," Isa. Iviii. 6. " The fast God hath chosen is, breaking the bands of wickedness," Prov. xxi. 3.
2. After falls and slips, and ordinary departures, Satan has sought to astonish me with my fall, and to amaze and confuse me so with what I had done, as thereby I was kept from getting up to my feet and going forwards ; like those that, running a race, catch a fall, and are therewith so perplexed, thinking what to do, that in the meantime they lose much time, and are far behind. The best way were to get up, and consider oiu- ways, mourn, seek pardon, and then go to work ; so was it with Joshua, chap. vii. 10, \\z., Joshua, after the smiting of Israel, lies complaining ; the Lord saith thus, " Wherefore liest thou thus ? up to thy work." Gen. xlii. 1, and xliii. 10, " Wliy look ye upon one another ?" When David sinned, he immediately falls to repentance ; " I have sinned, yet now, Lord, forgive." It must, Avhen all is done, turn and end in this. So in Job xxxiv. 32, " If thou hast done wickedly," what is done cannot be helped, " do so no more." He doth not say, Amaze and distract yourselves with cares, for, " Who can by think- ins add one cubit to his stature ?"
REV. JAMES ERASER. 289
3. In making me think that because I come not up the full length of duty, or to do it in that manner and form that is required, better omit it than do it in such a sinful manner ; whereby it hath come to pass that nothing hath been done at all, God not honoured, and others not profited ; not considering that doing the duty as we may is a mean to the better doing of it, as scribbling is to good writing. Humility will not stand on such niceties ; the Lord pardons imperfections : hence the duty of reproof hath been omitted, because I could not do it so freely, evangelically, and plainly, as the Lord requires, thinking that so doing of it was an abomination ; this is over-driving. But it is better paying what we may than let all run on our head. 2. Sam. vi. 7, 8, 9, 10, when David saw what reverence was required to the ark, he let it alone, " Who can stand ?" Unbelief whereby the soul thinks God such a hard master that will exact to the uttermost, and pride in disdain- ing to do any thing but what may be worthy or meritorious, are the causes of this deceit.
4. By the injecting of thoughts materially good, yet impertinent to the exercise the soul for the present is called unto, whereby my purpose hath been broken, my spirit made vain, no good done, nor peace in it. And when other palpably sinful thoughts have been extruded, these real enemies, yet seeming friends, have been let in because of their " sheep's clothing ;" and it is but the devil trans- forming himself into an " angel of light," 2 Cor. xi. 14. The right- eous " bringeth forth fruit in season ;" these thoughts are vain because fruitless and unseasonable.
5. In doing of duties, and not seeking to attain the end of duties, not because I thought this worthy, but I thought it sufficient if the Lord was honoured. And in this snare I am ordinarily en- trapped, though beaten out of formality ; and this hath rendered the means useless to me, and " ever learning," and " never coming to the knowledge of the truth," I have been like children, who with their little bows shoot, but at no mark, but that they may ■shoot ; or as when they set their paper-boats to sea, but look for nothing else than to sec them swim upon the waters ; and so it
VOL. II. T
290 MEMOlllS 0¥ TUE
may be said of them, " There Is no end of then* Uibour." And hence I have exhorted, not to convert or edify, but because com- manded, and to show obedience, and sometimes to render inexcus- able ; and thus have waited on the Lord in private and public means, not for supplying of wants or drawing near unto God, but merely to do homage unto him. Whereby there is a standing still and no progress ; duties rendered a burden, because no end to draw to, or no end intended ; and my motion irregaUar, because no end to direct ; and so have wrought at random.
6. Under the pretence of waiting on the Lord for strength, I have been driven to gaze, and neglect the duty itself, when there hath been an opportunity ; so in preparing for prayer, have ne- glected prayer : In looking for strength and grace to edify when in company, nothing hath been done ; and strength received, not improven. Acts i. 11, " Why stand ye gazing ?" go to youi" work, to Jerusalem. Mattli. xx. 6 ; Jer. xiii. 16, " Give glory to the Lord," lest, looking for light, darkness come.
7. To neglect the practice of grace and duty, by resting in the sweet and relishing speculation thereof, and resolution to do it ; I have been taken up with the sweetness of duty on the mind, but not so careful to practise it, though there have been some slight resolutions. This I thought sufficient, or else through security I have not expected difficulty in the practice ; and so, knowing and approving and teaching others the Law, yet neglecting it, they "say and do not," Rom. ii. 13, 14, 18 ; Matth. vii. 21 ; Jer. ii. 19, 20. So that the end of these speculations hath not been so much to practise as to relish and delight the understanding in expatiat- ing on such subjects.
8. I have been much hindered from duty, by studying the man- ner of duty rather than the substance of it ; by studying faith in prayer rather than prayer in faith ; by studying openness and plain-dealing in reproving rather than reproof itself ; by studying constancy in watching rather than watching itself. Which I have found to proceed from pride, choosing the excellency of it rather than the thing itself; and from Satan's persuading me that all
REV. JAMES FRASER. "2'Jl
commaiiJs are but the Lord's seeking ground of quarrel to cast out with me, and therefore not only seeks duties, but that they be done after such a manner as thou knowest thou canst not get done ; that so, when he cannot condemn for the matter, he shall be sure for the manner to find fault. Whereby my mind hath been so taken up with the circumstantial, and perfect, and exact qualifi- cations of duties, that the matter and substance of it hath been neglected. I have made the manner of it the matter.
9. Satan, with my foolishness, tyrannically yet subtUely presses the doing of many things at once, which is impossible ; that so, dividing my spirit with several objects, nothing may be well done, and all slighted : so that when I came to say. What have I ado ? it is answered. Ye have this, and that, and the other thing ; when I am called to one thing, I address to another, and thus " troubled with many things," like Martha, Luke x. 41, 42 ; with which one thing, if my spirit were taken up, I might come to some profit and get it done ; but, seeking to grasp too much, I let all go. When many crowd out or in at a passage, they hinder one another ; but the rule is, " Whatever thou dost, do it with, all thy might," i. c. Let thy heart be taken up wholly with that one thing while thou art doing it, and with no other.
10. Satan's transforming into an angel of light, by gilding vices with lustre and appearance of virtue, and under spiritual and spe- cious pretences. Hence have I been tempted to lightness, excess in comforts, under pretence of shunning vmthankfulness, and of not using Christian liberty, and of walking uncomfortably ; and hence neglected to affect the heart with the evil of sin, because repentance consists more in turning from sin than in sorrow for it. Prayer under indisposition hath been shunned, lest I should render the easy yoke of Christ a grievous burden. Whereby sin hath pre- vailed by these, when it hath been overcome when it appeared in its own clothing ; and " the grace of God turned Into wantonness," 2 Cor. xl. 14 ; Eom. vl. 1 ; Gal. v. 13 ; " called to liberty, yet not to use it as an occasion to the flesh."
11. In following the disposition of my spirit ns a rule In refer-
292 MEMOmS OF THE
once to duty, rather than the call of providential conveniency of doing it ; whereby many occasions of doing good, to others espe- cially, have been lost through indisposition to these duties, and some seeming dispositions to do other duties. And this is so much the more dangerous, that it begins to be a debated principle, Avhich of the two, viz., the disposition of the spirit or providential conveniency is to be followed ? seeing, if I follow not the disposi- tion of my spirit, then I shall do the other duty but heartlessly, and omit a duty to which my spirit is disposed ; and besides, James V. 13, would seem to be for it. But I have most peace and success when I follow the providential conveniency, Mark xiv. 37, 38.
12. There is nothing does me more ill than a legal spirit or spirit of bondage, whereby Satan presses to duties violently, i. e., repre- sents God as a hard master and an austere judge ; as one that com- mands and requires duties, as tyrannical nders make laws to entrap the subjects, pressing to hard duties, and so putting new wine into old bottles, and that under the highest pains ; and to do it hastily, not giving time to breathe ; and requiring such exactness, or else not at all to be accepted ; and that without any promise of assist- ance. So that, finding the Lord's yoke so hard, I have either casten it off, or sometimes heartlessly performed it ; and nothing hath prejudiced me more than this. Talents have been slighted, because God was apprehended as a hard master ; the Lord not served, because our yoke not made light ; aversion and want of love to God, because of fear, 1 John iv. 18. But I have spoken of this in Section 10, Ist Evil. It is no wonder, therefore, if the bond- w^oman should be cast out ; of the evil of which, when I have been convinced, I have come to the other extreme, in casting out the bond-woman altogether, and to indulge myself wholly, as I have said in the 10^/* Deceit.
13. AVhen I could not be driven from laying to heart matters of salvation, yet hath Satan^ for the most part of my time, busied me with the lesser matters of religion, and made me neglect the substantial and fundamental points ; so as nice points have been studied, and death, hell, heaven, God's attributes, sin, providence, the
KEV. JAMES FRASEE. 293
resurrection, fall of man, have been neglected, because more com- mon ; whereas the greatest good is in these, Matth. xxiii. 23, " Ye tithe anise and cummin."
14. Satan, by making me pore excessively on evidences of grace, and by occupying me in laying continually the foundation and try- ing it, as thinking it never sure enough, hath thereby kept me from iny generation-work, and from progress in grace ; in which exer- cises, if I had been as diligent as in examination of myself, I might have been assured more quickly, 2 Pet. i. 10. It is true, we shoidd examine our states, 2 Cor. xiii. 5, but it is wrong to be only and continually taken up with this ; so that, when called to patience, and believing, and honouring of God, Satan hath said. Lay a foun- dation ere ye build a superstructure : but it is dangerous to be try- ing our armour when we are called to fight, (as one said,) Heb. vi. 1. If ye have not full assui'ance of your state, yet take your haz- ard of the precious foundation laid in Zion, and build on it. God lays this foundation, and this foundation standeth sure.
1 5. In making faith or any work in us the foundation of my com- fort, rather than the free, full, and immutable promise and goodwill of God in Christ ; and in making the foundation of duty to be rather from our covenant with God, or our part of it, than from the Lord's covenant with us, and his part of it which hath a long time kept me unsettled and wavering, 2 Sam. xxiii. 5 ; Ezek. xvi. 62. " Not by virtue of thy covenant."
16. But Satan and mine ovm heart hath kept me strongly and long in this snare of seeking to establish my own righteousness. For when my heart hath been in any good frame, and under sense of wants, and dcsii'ing to be found in duty, hath resolved to go about such and such means, for obtaining of such things ; I say, I have found Satan deceiving me herein, making me love these duties, means, and graces, and the obtaining them at such a time, because these graces aud duties, means, and time, have been the product of mine own desires and resolutions, and so have been mine own (as it were) and choice. And, therefore, Avhcn other means were be- stowed no less suitable, yet have I dcs[)iscd them, because not mine
21M MEMOIRS OF THE
own choice and purchase ; and when the love and manifestation thereof have run through another channel than I have cut for it to run in, I have been grieved, and prized the mercy less. And when I have fallen in sins resolved against, I have grieved more upon the account that my resolutions have been broken, and wiU crossed, because I had " set my heart as the heart of God," than either for the wrong done to God or mine own hazard ; and so, lilce God, I have loved no thing but the object of my own decree. Whereby God hath been provoked to break these resolutions, by Avhich the tower that reached to heaven was cast down, Pro v. xix. 3 ; Rom. X. 3 ; Mark xiv. 37 ; Isa. x. 7 ; Psal. Iviii. 3.
17. When beaten out of this by the Lord's mercy, and made to " rejoice in infirmities," that God may be exalted, seeing the wild- ness of pride under the pretence of quiet submission, and being led by the wall of God, I have been tempted to resolve nothing at all, and so turned careless, running from one extreme to another, con- trary to Philip, ii. 12, 13.
18. Through a desire to allow to every action a time wherein I should be so and so exercised, it hath come to pass that I have secretly resisted the Spirit drawing me to other duties and exer- cises, because I would not alter my intended method ; and so lost the assistance of God's Spirit, Deut. i. 41 ; Numb. xiv. 39.
19. I have many times in prayer asked things not convenient to be then granted, and so have not been answered through asking amiss ; as when I have sought as much grace as would serve me all my lifetime, James iv. 3 ; John iv. 15. " Give me that I thirst not again." Sometimes I have been seeking the removal of a trouble ere I have been rightly exercised under it, 2 Cor. xii. 8, sought great enlargements, and raptures, and sensible manifesta- tions, sought mercies without pains ; which the Lord not granting, because amiss, I have been discouraged fi'om prayer through refusals.
20. When difficult duties have been pressed, as mourning, fast- ing, diligence, prayer under indispositions, bearing the cross, walking in the strait gate, 1 have been made to think that the end of that
REV. JAMES FRASER. 295
command was mostly to cross myself, and, therefore, did the duty ofttimcs more as mine own prejudice and cross, rather than as commanded by God, and the mean to attain such an end, (hence heathens cut themselves, and Papists whip themselves,) for this did me ill ; it engendered hard thoughts of God, and made me do duties heartlessly, as lil^ewise without success, because I sought no more than the crossing of myself.
21. In not prizing or esteeming little mercies because common, and fear to rest in them ; thus " despising the day of small things."
22. In not shunning little evils, fearing to be thereby tithing the anise and cummin.
23. Through a strong persuasion of an absolute decree in God, which yet I judge truth, and of God's sovereignty, and that " it is not of him that willeth or runneth, but of God that showeth mercy ;" I have been thereby tempted to excuse my sins, to chal- lenge God for double-dealing, have not noticed his invitations and expostulations, Rom. ix. 19, " Who hath resisted his will?" Not distinguished betwixt the nature of God, and free absolute decree of God, and operation of God ; and that it is not the damnation of the wicked God idtimately and for itself intends, but the mani- festation of his justice.
24. By " limiting of the Holy One of Israel ;" by cutting out and prescribing to God a way of helping me ; and when he hath not come in my way, as he will not, nor no reason he should, I could not imagine his coming a mercy, 2 Kings v. 1 1, in Naaman. Hence, I have proposed God's way with other Christians, and their exercises, as the way to the Spu-it to deal with me ; and not finding this, I have been discouraged, and disquieted, and unthankful, and " spent my labour and strength in vain," in gazing after that, and labour- ing to tvalk in a path the Lord was not willing to lead me. There is a sovereignty in leading of saints to glory. I have limited the Lord in his way, by portraying to myself, and conceiving such a grace, and under such a notion and form ; so that if I had not that very form and notion of it I conceived, though I had it really, yet did I not think I had it. Oh, under what various terms d<i(h the
296 MEMOIRS OF THE
Lord express one thing, that folk might not restrict grace to one notion !
25. In striving against the outward acts of sin, and not con- sidering the inward corruption of the heart; in "making clean the outside of the platter," but neglecting to cleanse it wthin ; cutting the branches, and sparing the root, Matth. xxiii. 26, Avhereby I have made no profit in holiness, because the fountain hath not been cleansed.
26. Under the pretence of discretion, prudence, and patience, I have neglected the hfe and zeal of actions. I have reproved but darkly, in respect of prudence and discretion ; I have not stressed myself in private means, imder pretence of sobriety ; have neglected to bring my heart to any sense of sin, under pretence of modera- tion. Oh, what ills lie disguised under moderation, sobriety, patience, and Christian liberty ! We have a sinful patience.
27. By going on in duties in my o^\^a strength, without looking for divine assistance, which hath done me much evil. When I have gone on in the confidence of my owti strength, the Lord hath plagued me for my presumption, as in Peter : when duties have been difficult, relying on and looking to mine own strength, I have been discouraged.
28. I have neglected the outward practice of repentance, under pretence that the Lord requires the heart ; but we should serve the Lord both in body and in spmt. It is true, we shoiddnot rest in the outward, or mainly look thereunto, but should look to the heart mostly ; yet shoidd not the outward act be neglected.
29. By giving ear and credidously believing suggestions of sense concerning myself and interest, and concerning God, without examination. Credulity, and easiness to believe everything sug- gested or spoken in books, or written doA\Ti there, hath prejudiced me much. Hanging my faith on men's belts, and not examining suggestions, doctrines, writings, through the line of reason and through Scripture, hath made me wander long in doubts and fears imsettlcdly ; but since I have tried all things, and laid aside all books, and had recourse to the foimtain, I ha^e been much better.
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30. By judging by outward appearances, and misbelieving of success, (which hath come through not looking to God,) hath much discouraged me from duty.
CHAPTER VIII.
DECLARING MERCIES.
SECTION I.
Containing general Mercies.
1. I FIND reason to bless the Lord for continued and perfect health, so as I never remember that I lay (except when I had the small-pox) two days sick, either tlu'ough pain or heart-sickness.
2. I have reason to bless the Lord for. the mercy of good educa- tion ; so that, wherever he did cast my lot, I had occasions of good given me. I saw not much wild example ; and those whom I was with, the Lord did put them out to take some pains with me, which though it did not convert me, yet did prepare for it.
3. In beating me out of all my false rests, and refuges of lies ; in which if I had continued, I had perished for ever. Oh, what a mercy, that the Lord discovered to me my condition, the vanity of duties, mine own inability to save myself, the distance and enmity betwixt God and my soul !
4. Sparing mercies. Oh, what hath the Lord borne of me ! surely more than of any other whatsomever. How often did I provoke him to send me to my place ! He spared me, notwithstanding of my blasphemy, my Sabbath-breaking, my palpable breaking of vows, sinning against light, backsliding, cursing even in a lie, pro- fanity, mocking in duties, untractableness ; yea, when he might have had great glory by my destruction. "Who hath or could liave borne so much as the Lord ? and should I not therefore love ? They " love much, because much is forgiven."
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5. Oil, the great pains the Lord hath taken, and the cost he hath been at with me ! What pains in my first education ! What pains in conversion ! What pains after conversion ! What pains in recovering out of backsliding ! What pains by afflictions, by tentations, convictions, mercies of all sorts, waterings public and private ! Wliat a constant suitor hath he been for my heart ! Wliat day in which there hath not been some message or other ! Surely he is in veiy good earnest with me ; he hath constantly and uninterruptedly followed me.
6. In bestowing saving grace on my soul; washing me from nature, from sin, and Satan, and hell ; by renewing his image on my soul ; by enlightening mine eyes, quickening my dead soul, changing me quite, giving me rest; by admitting me to fellowship with himself; by entering in a covenant with me ; by taking me from my sinful ways and courses, and conforming me to his ways, in heart, speech, and practice ; making an inward, blest, right, and universal change, differing from formal hypocrites and gospel pro- fessors that are carnal.
7. In recovering me out of a backslidden estate, after careless- ness and security ; departing from God, until I had ruined myself again, and was, as it were, " twice dead ; " and when I was at the last gasp, he pitied me, recovered me, engaged me in his service, kept me through his power and goodness (notwithstanding of many oppositions) at this diet, until I at last recovered, and that he did set me on a " rock higher than I." Oh, what cost and expenses was my recovery to him ! He would not let me die at a distance with him, but by afflictions and sore trials called me home.
8. Mercies in a wilderness condition. When yet but weak, how did he condescend to my weakness ! Though he was " the high and lofty One," how did he bear my manners, my murmurings, my faintings, my lustings, my impatience, my didness, my dead- ness, my unbelief! He never left me for all these things, but was ever with me ; he supplied all my wants, and many a time revived my Muting soul, and did carry me as an eagle doth her young ones, and " no strange god with liim" at all ; he never left me until he
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brought mc to a large land and fruitful. Oh, the care he had of me in the great wilderness, preserving me and carrying me through, was a wonderful mercy !
9. I am obliged unto the Lord for talents ; that he created me not void of understanding, but hath put me in some capacity to be serviceable to him ; he hath instructed me in the wonderful things of his law, made me know the mysteries of the kingdom of God. And what shall I say ? my natural abilities were very much helped and improven by grace : " Tlu'ough thy precepts I have attained to understanding."
10. I acknowledge with all thankfulness the great mercy of God in keeping me on his side in this evil day ; that I have been pre- served in this general apostacy ; that I have mustered on his side, and under his standard, against the dragon making war in heaven against the Lamb. How many have profanity, error, vanity, formal- ity, sloth, and worldliness destroyed, or rendered useless ? yea, even taU cedars : yet me hath he kept from the destroying pestilence, yea, kept in life, and through grace privileged to be a plain witness for him against the dragon and the courses of these times ; to do some little thing, at least to show my good-will.
11. By " upholding me with his visitations," innumerable times " restoring my soul" to life, preserving " my feet from falling, and mine eyes from tears." Oh the many loving refreshing visitations I had of him, under deadness, confusions, distractions, sorrows, weights ! Hence hath he been as the clear shining sun after the rain. These have been the means by which I have been kept in life ; these are his favours, in these days of famine feeding me and keeping mc in life.
12. Li many times delivering me out of hell itself ; when the sorrows of death compassed me about, when ovci'j)owered with despair, he brought me out of the great and terrible pit ; and when all other means and friends failed, and neither could nor would help, the Lord himself stepped in, and calmed all tlicse terrible storms, when I could not bear any longer : nor was I ever in any extremity but he helped me, yea, out of great and sore troubles.
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13. Mercies in afflictions. Surely " in faitlifuluess hath he afflicted me," It is a mercy to be taken in under his discipline, a covenant mercy ; but he hath sujiported me in all my afflictions. And when a sign, and a wonder, and a terror to all friends and acquaintances, left of friends and relations, and ungratefidly used by them, then did " the Lord take me up," and gave me shelter, meat and drink " that the world knew not of ; " and what shall I say ? " at last delivered me out of them all," at least out of the most pressing, and that by liis o\^^l hand. He hath delivered me from all dangers, fears, snares, and sorrows.
14. All these are heightened by these cu'cumstances ; Imo, That the Lord hath visited me with special love, the right-hand blessings, grace, Christ, and sanctification. 2do, That it is the Lord himself that is eminently seen in them ; he lets none do me good but himself, especially great dehverances ; the Lord brings all about wonderfully. 3tio, I see them all stamped with free grace, and their motto, " Not for your sakes, but for my name's sake, and because of the Lord Jesus." I see them all proceeding from the free grace and love of Christ Jesus. 4to, That he hath singled me out of all my tribe and kindred, and j)ast by them all and chosen me for himself. 5to, That the Lord is seen universally in all these tilings. He doth all things most excellently for me ; not in one or two particulars, but in every thing I have ado. " Thou, Lord, Avilt ordain peace for us ; for thou hast wrought all our works in us," Isa. xxvi. 12. 6to, The Lord is constant in his kindness ; it is not for a fit or start, but those whom he hath loved, he loveth to the end. His love is a constant love, he " never takes away his loving-kindness." 7mo, That the Lord by all mercies sanctifies me, and draws me nearer to himself: I am made to know more of God by these ; my heart is warmed in love and affection towards him by the remembrance of these ; and through experience of these I am made to come to him, and depend on him, and engaged to thankfulness. 8vo, That they are to me, who am so wild, so miserable, so sinful, who have abused his grace and mercy, and daily grieve him, and am less than the least of all
REV. JAMES FUASER. 301
his mercies ; this heightens the mercy. What am I, that the Lord should visit me ? Lastly, Considering this, that when favours are so few, it is much in a day of indignation, much in a day of famine and confusion, when all are generally crying out, " My leanness."
SECTION II.
Of Special Mercies, or little particular Favours from the Lord, as to my Spiritual Condition and Temporal.
As for particular mercies, they are innumerable and past reckon- ing, and would take up much time to tell them over, and much pains to write them down ; and because I purpose to write them by themselves at large, and in respect any who read what I have written may there see many of them, I will forbear.
Thus have I run through the most remarkable circumstances of the Lord's providence towards me in my conversion, and what followed thereupon ; and have been signally assisted in calling to mind, and observing the Lord's way and mind in them. And what can I say or give to the Lord for all his mercies and pains ! but, blessed for ever be he, that ever looked upon me, that hath done so great things for me, that hath borne with me till now, and hath given me time and strength to set down on record his kindness ! O that I may walk worthy of his pains ! To him, through Christ Jesus, be glory for ever. Amen.
" Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, and good-will towards men."
[^What foUotvs was not dedicated to Mr Thomas Ross.']
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CHAPTER IX.
OF MY CALL TO THE MINISTRY.
SECTION I.
The Grounds iqwn which I judged myself called to the Ministry.
1st, I WAS mucli concerned to know whether I w^as indeed called by the Lord to the exercise of the ministry, or whether any inclina- tion or pressure of spirit I had thereto did proceed from my ovra fancy ; for I can never think that any will discharge this office aright, who hath not a sense of his divine call upon his spirit, or comfortably go about the same, neither can promise himself any success therein : for such as the Lord hath not called, " nor stood in his counsel," it is threatened that they " shall not profit this people," Jer. xxiii. 32. Therefore it is of much concernment to us to be clear in this. Yet I acknowledge many are called of Christ to preach who do not know it, but fear they are not ; even as many are effectually called who know not so much ; and there- fore it is that both the one and the other live less comfortabl3\ And as many think they belong to, and have interest in, Christ, who really have none ; so, many judge themselves, and are judged by others, to be true ministers of Christ, who are not but idol ministers, never commissioned by Christ.
2dly, Therefore did I judge it my duty to endeavour to have my call cleared to me, and for this cause have set apart some solemn days, in which by fasting and prayer, both before I entered to the ministry and after, I have earnestly besought the Lord for lio-ht in this matter, and to clear to me whether he called me or not ; and have seriously searched and meditated, and sadly thought on this subject. And the issue of all such deliberations was, that I was inclined to think, from what I could gather from God's word or work, that he did call me to " bear his name, to deliver from the
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power of Satan to Gotl, to witness for God," that the works of the world were evil.
3dly, The grounds upon which I was convinced and did believe the Lord called me were, 1. That I was not now to expect audible voices from heaven in an extraordinary manner, or within us, say- ing, " Arise, preach the gospel;" for, however apostles and extra- ordinary prophets were so called immediately, yet that such who now arc called do receive it by means of men. Therefore, though I did not receive any extraordinary voice within or without, there was no reason upon that account to doubt of my call. 2. That much less was a man's own imagination or groundless fancy to be counted a call from God ; for many (I say) think they are called of God, as Jer. xxiii., whom the Lord " hath not sent." 3. That any act of man doth not give a call to a minister ; for ordination by ministers, or election by the people, Avhich are the two means by Avhich it is pretended this call is conveyed, is pos- terious to this call of God. And, besides, ministers may ordain, and people may elect, such as were never called of God; so, though never so regularly ordained and admitted, yet are they to be esteemed no ministers of Christ.
4thly, As the revelation of God's word in all ages hath been the rule whereby to discern who have been called of God to be his servants, and who not ; and therefore, when God revealed himself immediately to his prophets, this immediate revelation published by the prophets was the ground of faith and rule of practice, so now, the revelation of God's will being committed to writ or Scrip- ture, it hence follows, that by the Scriptures only we can know who are his ministers called of him, and who are not ; and this know- ledge is as certain as any knowledge that could be had from the prophets of old, and as clear and evident; Luke xvi. 31, "If they believe not Moses and the Prophets, neither will they believe though one arise from the dead." The Scriptures, then, I must look into, and by them know whether the Lord hath called me or not. The general I find in several places of Scripture ; Luke xix. 13, " Oc- cupy till I come." 1 Pet. iv. 10, " As every one hath received the
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gift, SO let him minister unto another." 1 Cor. xii. 7, " The mani- festation of the Spirit is given to profit withal." By all these Scrip- tures I gather, that whatever talents men have received from Christ, they are not to lie idle, nor to be kept up in a napkin, but that they are to be put in use and exercised for God. And this Scrip- ture, " Occupy till I come," is the general warrant that ministers and all other persons of different occupations and gifts have to dis- charge their office. If any then inquire, What is my call to preach ? I answer. Our Lord's command and call, " Occupy till I come." The word was brought to my remembrance, when I was exercised about this matter ; and did not the Lord command us in his word, no man should misimprove any talent he hath ; ministers in preach- ing do not but occupy till Christ come. And here is my first ground.
5thly, By this general call, none is particularly engaged to follow the ministry but such as are qualified. For he who is fitted for an artificer, for a scholar, for a lawyer, for a physician, although he is bound by this general to employ his talent for God, yet is not every one by this Scripture bound to dischai^ge the office of the ministry, unless he be qualified thereto. It is, therefore, further requisite to a divine call, that the person be fitted more for this than for any thing else. He, therefore, who is not qualified for the ministry, hath not gifts, is not called ; and he Avho is more fitted for this than for any thing else, is called of God, because he is called to minister as he hath received, 1 Pet. iv. 10. A man's talent is the determiner of that general, " Occupy till I come." Now I begin to see what is my talent ; and truly there was no other thing I was more fitted for, or qualified, than preaching and serving God in the ministry. And though my parts were but Aveak, and my talent small, especially in the beginning ; yet did I see some measure of qualifying, and divine preparation for this work, and truly more than for any other employment, and there- fore did I judge I was bound to occupy for God in that work. Some natural endowments I had, by which I was sufficiently cap- able of any science, yea, of natural theology. The dealings of God
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with my spirit in the work of conversion were very distinct ; and though I could not see but confusedly at first, yet afterwards I did see to perceive that work very distinctly. And not only so; for I judge it very needful for a minister to be converted ere he endea- vour to convert others, Luke xxii. 32 ; Psalm li. 12, 13, " Restore the joy of thy salvation, and then will I teach transgressors thy ways." So, Isa. vi. 7, the prophet's iniquity must be taken away ere he receive his commission, and that after deep humbling in the dust. The Lord did not only, by conversion begun and renewed, fit me for the ministry ; but did give me great experience of the exceeding evil of my heart, of the terrors of God, that so I might know to persuade others, 2 Cor. v. 8 ; as likewise opened my eyes to see the glorious mysteries of the covenant of grace, telling me something every day as it were. And truly I had not been many days in Christ's school, judging the covenant of grace, when I thought I was come to a new world ; my former Hfe seemed a dark howling wilderness, and the life of grace I looked upon as the light- some Canaan, the harbour of rest after my tossings. Divers and various conflicts I had with unbehef, and much exercised with the law and the bond-woman seeking to get in my conscience. I was much helped by Luther on the Galatians, and Calvin's Listitutions ; something more by that book called the " Marrow of Modern Divinity ;" by some old writers, as Fox, Bradwardin's Letters, Mr Hamilton, and Wisheart ; but especially by reading the Epistle to the Romans, by prayer and meditation, by which I came to receive very much satisfaction in my mind in the Gospel. I perceived that our divinity was much altered from what it was in the primi- tive reformers' time. When I read Knox, Hamilton, Tindal, Lu- ther, Calvin, Bradford, &c., I thought I saw another scheme of divinity, much more agreeable to the Scriptures and to my expe- rience than the modern. And though I plainly enough saw the errors of the Antinomians, (for their errors lay very near truth,) yet I perceived a gospel spirit to be in very few, and that the most part yea of ministers did wofully confound the two covenants, and were of an Old Testament spirit ; and little of the glory of Christ, VOL. II. u
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grace, and gospel, did shine in their writings and preaching. But I abhorred and was at enmity with Mr Baxter, as a stated enemy to the grace of God, under the cover of opposing some Antino- mianism. He boldly averred what others thought and materially believed, even whilst they did speak against him ; by which he was hardened in his way. Now I thought the great pains the Lord did take in this with me, the experience also I had of great afflic- tions and the Lord's support under them, and delivering from them, and sanctifying of the same to me by instructing me in many chief lessons by the rod ; what should all this mean, said I, but that the Lord gives me experience of these things, to the end I should make this his " righteousness known in the great congregation ?*' If this be spoken in my ear, shall I not divulge it " on the house-tops ?" Luke xii. And was not all this to qualify me, and make me a fit minister of the New Testament ? And this was a second considera- tion to clear my call to me.
Gthly, The Lord did by his Spirit apply the general call particu- larly to my soul. He brought home that word, " Occupy tiU I come ;" and dealt with me, told me that the Lord called me to " serve him in the gospel of his Son," and to employ what talents I had that way ; was at much pains with me till I should yield. For gifts and abilities to preach and pray are not a sufficient call to a man to be a minister, though they be necessary to the call. A man's natural gift and ability for any magistracy doth not pre- sently call him to that office ; and some have gifts for divers offices that yet are called but to one. And hence it is, that a man's call to the office of the ministry is in some things different from the call of believing. For that call or command of God to believe, reach- ing all within the visible Church, doth oblige all thereunto, whether they do so or not, yea, whether the Spirit strive with them or not, though without this they neither shall nor can believe ; but this call to the ministry, though it be in God's word, yet it doth not oblige any particularly to the work of the ministry without the working of the Spirit. And therefore is the application of the Spirit, in the matter of the call to the ministry, a very necessary
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part, and constituent of the call, and requisite not only to enable us to the thing as it is in the case of believing, but likewise to warrant that particular thing. For however the general call, " Oc- cupy till I come," do warrant such as have parts and talents to employ them for God, yet doth it not warrant a godly able man to exercise his talents in a public ministerial way more than any others, until the Spirit determine his spirit. And this I found the Spirit did likewise to me, (1.) In representing to my soul the beauty and glory of the office of the ministry. O to serve the Lord in this 1 said I ; nothing is like it ! To testify for God, to hold forth the " riches of Christ," to bear his name ; what more honour- able employment ! And like as the merchant must see the pearl ere he buy it. Mat. xiii. 45, and we must " see the Son" ere we " believe in him," so that beauty and glory of the work of the ministry must be seen ere we take with it. (2.) The Lord by his Spirit did draw out and incline my heart to this work ; and so many times I was taken off from other studies and exercises, and was set on this, and many times did I ardently desire it ; yea, I had marvellous delight in the exercise of any work belonging to the ministry, whether it was reading of theology, either practical or polemic, meditating upon or writing my thoughts, studying or preaching of sermons. And truly parents send their children to these trades that they observe them to be most of themselves inclined to ; " Send me," said Isaiah, vi. 6. (3.) By fitting, preparing, and qualifying me for that employment ; by renewing a distinct work of conversion in my soul ; by exercising me with various and great outward afflictions ; by discovering unto me something of the mys- tery of grace and of the gospel. And the more fitted I was, the more inclined to the work ; and though I studied but little, yet the Lord blessed it marvellously. (4.) By doing my soul good, in being exercised in preparing for the ministry. For it Avas by studying to preach, and meditation on several subjects, that my soul recovered out of my first backsliding; and, by meditating upon subjects, and preaching of them, I dally grew in grace and know^ledge of Christ.
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Ttlily, Tlie Lord not only by his Spirit working inwardly upon me, but likewise by his work, did clear that he called nie. For my heart was utterly averse to any other study or employment ; all attempts, designs, and endeavours to settle in any other station Avere crushed and broken, and matters in the world went still worse and worse, until I resolved and engaged with the work of the ministry : and from that time I observed the weather turned, and my captivity was turned back. What judgment can I make of the Lord's barring all other doors, and his opening of this, but that I should go in here, and look to no other thing ?
8thly, I am much confirmed in my call to the ministry by that providence of the vows I made to this purpose, that I should be drawn out to make such a vow ; that the Lord should so soon testify his approbation thereof, and answer me so suddenly, so clearly, so fully, and so particularly and suitably to my vow in all things. For my want of assurance was my great doubt, and that which made me afraid to engage with the ministry ; whereupon I vowed solemnly, that if the Lord should clear up my interest to me, and reveal the mystery of the gospel, covenant of grace, and faith to me, I should then apply myself to the ministry, provided the Lord did answer this in five years. But the Lord in less than six weeks answered it ; for in a month or thereabout did the Lord convince me of faith, called me to believe, opened his covenant to me, never left me till I believed it, and thereafter sealed it with the spirit of assurance. And in my vow I said, that if the Lord would hearken to me, in clearing of these things, I would look on it as an evident token he called me to serve him in the gospel.
Othly, About the latter end of the year 1665, I remember the Lord put this call close to my door, told me I was to be his wit- ness, to testify for him against the world, to do all the good I could to mankind wherever I Avas called ; and that I should make this my only Avork, and be fiiithful, free, and full in it ; that many things needed reformation, and that the Lord Avould employ me in it. This was pressed much on me : and because I refused, and, like .lonnh, fled from the Lord, he sent a storm of terrors after me,
REV. JAMES FKASER. 309
and I was casten Into a sea and depth of hell many weeks. The work I was called to was so hard, that I durst not undertake it, but delayed it.
lOthly, Another consideration that cleared my call to me was, that the ministers and faithful servants of Jesus Christ did solemn- ly examine my call, and after trial of my gifts and conversation by several exercises and pieces of trial recommended me, being inti- mately and of a long time acquainted with me, having preached frequently in their hearing, and having given proof of my gifts, were so far satisfied with me, that unanimously, without the least censure, they agreed to trust me in the name of Christ with the dispensation of the gospel : and this was in the year 1672. They were better judges than myself, and they found the Lord had called me, and therefore did in the name of Christ dcclaratively empower me to exercise the office of the ministry.
Lastly, When I consider the effects which followed on my ad- mission to the ministry, I am much confirmed In my call ; for by preaching and discharging my duty otherwise, I myself was Avatered, my gifts Increased, more of the Lord's -will was manifested and made known to me, and my labours were blessed to many, to whose heart and case the Lord made me many times to speak. And though, while I was In Scotland, I never received nor would take a sixpence for preaching, but lived upon what was my own ; yet I prospered much In my outward estate in the Avorld, I cleared my debts, I reserved some part of my estate to my debts, and maintained myself; I married all my sisters. Insomuch that In fourteen years I was better by eight or nine hundred pounds ster- ling than when I began, although there was never a week but I preached twice and sometimes oftcner. And this I looked upon as a token of the Lord's acceptance of my labours.
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SECTION II.
Of a Minister's Work and Qualification.
1st, It was not merely to show or discover my gifts, by letting people know what I could say from a text of Scripture, that I was called ; I had great inclinations of myself to preach and speak from Scriptm'e. Nor was it to baptize or minister sacraments, nor was it the name or title of a minister that I was to take on, or which I did affect most ; God did not send me to baptize but to preach. But that which I Avas called to was, to testify for God, to hold forth his name and ways to the dark world, and to deliver poor captives of Satan, and bring them to the " glorious liberty of the sons of God." This was I to make my only employment, to give myself to, and therein to be diligent, taking all occasions ; and to be plain, full, and free in this charge. I was called to enter in hot war with the world and sinners, to fight by my testimony against them for God. This was it I was called unto, and unto a conver- sation suitable thereunto, and to " take up the cross daily and fol- low Christ." I was called to be a watchman, and to take the charge of the care of all my relations and acquaintances ; to be a watchman over and keeper of them, and to be free and faithful in this with every one, and my own soul to lie at the stake to be for- feit if I failed ; and this commission might have been discharged, though I had never taken a text or preached formally. Acts ix. 15 ; Rev. x. ; John vii. 7 ; Acts xx. 18 ; Luke v. 10, and 2 Tim. ii. 19.
2dly, Tliis being the minister's work and employment, the means and ways by which he is to discharge this commission, and execute the end of his calling, are, 1. By public preaching, holding forth theu' sin and misery to men, and the remedy Christ Jesus, and persuading to be reconciled, 2 Cor. v. 21. Mat. xxviii., " Go, dis- ciples, to all nations, preaching to them ; preach the Gospel to every creature under heaven." By this means they publish their
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commission, and seek " obedience to the faith," in all the world, Rom. i. 5. And this they should do " in season and out of season," and in dependence on God both for Avhat to say and a blessing, should say nothing but what they '' have received from the Lord Jesus," and of which Christ should be the Alpha and Omega. 2. He is to discharge his oflice by praying for such as are committed to his charge, and that both publicly and privately, aflfectionately and fervently. You see Paul doth not cease to make mention of chiu'ches in his prayers. They are priests to God, who not only make supplication for themselves but for others. It is true, every Christian is bound to pray for the whole Church of Christ, and for the members especially to which himself is related ; but a minister is in a special manner bound. He who doth not water his labours with affectionate prayers and tears, I doubt that he shall labour successfully. 3. He is to execute his commission by exhortation, private and occasional instruction, whether for reproof, comfort, or information and direction. And this is it which I suppose I was most called unto, viz., to take aU occasions with all persons in pri- vate discourse to make the name of Christ known, and to do them good, and to do this as my only work ; and to do it boldly, and faithfully, and fuUy. And this to do is very hard in a right and effectual manner ; to do this is harder than to preach publicly ; and to be strengthened, directed, and encouraged in this is that for which I ought to live near in a dependence on Christ, " with- out whom we can do nothing," and of whom is all our sufficiency. In preaching, there are a great many whom we cannot reach, and there are many to whom we have no occasion to preach publicly ; we may thus preach always, and speak more successfully than in public, where the greatest part of hearers do not understand the minister though he speak never so plainly. This likewise we are called unto this day, seeing we are by force incapacitate ; but oh, how is this neglected ! Were ministers faithful in this, we should quickly see a change in affairs ; but, alas ! with grief of heart I speak it, it is in this thing that I challenge myself most of any ; it is in this that I have most come short, and I suppose it may be so with
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otiiers too. The apostles went from house to house. 4. The fom'th mean by which we are called to discharge the office of the ministry is by a godly conversation ; hereby we glorify God, and preach most effectually to others. Example is very powerful ; and where this is not, preaching and other labours are in vain ; for with- out this the most seriously delivered sermons are nothing in effect but a well-acted stage-play, 1 Thess. ii. 10. This was it that made the apostles' preaching so efficacious to the Thessalonians, that they perceived them to be of very holy conversation. " Ye know what manner of men we were for your sakes." They illustrated by their practice as by example what they preached. iVll are bound to be holy, but ministers much more ; and their godly conversation is one of the ways they preach, and which many times doth con- vert, 1 Pet. iii. 2 ; some, not gained by the word, are gained by the conversation of their wives or their believing relations. 5. They may discharge then' commission by ^^Titing of epistles or treatises as the Lord shall call or enable them, and especially when there is no access to other means. Thus the Apostle Paul did ^vrite when in prison, or when he could not get to them. Many breathings are lost for neglect of this, saith Mr Shepherd. To all these five things I found myself called.
3dly, As to the nature of my particular call to preach the gospel, by ought I can discern through the moving of God's Spirit, or the encouragement I had thereto, it was not to preach to any particular flock, gathered or ungathered ; but it was to preach to the whole world, especially my relations and acquaintance. My commission was much of the nature of that man's, !Mark iv., " Go and show thy friends what God hath done for thee." The Lord then had scat- tered both shepherds and flocks ; we were then to preach wherever we could find people. Yea, though I had three calls from three different societies of Christians, yet did I not incline to fix with any, Mark xvi. My commission, I thought, was rather indefinite than definite ; "Preach the Gospel to every creature under heaven." (2.) And hence I was called to preach in a vagrant manner, some- times to one place, sometimes to another, here and there, up and
REV. JAMES ERASER. 313
down the country, as I was called by the people, not staying above a week in one place. So at Edinbiu'gh, where my family was, where once every week-day, if at home, I preached a sermon, and on the Lord's day. I loved not fixed stipends and pulpits, while the Lord Jesus himself was unfixed ; but thought it most kindly to follow the wandering ark and tabernacle. (3.) The chief things I was called to preach and declare were, man's misery by nature, the nature of regeneration and salvation by Christ, Ezek. xx. 4 ; Micah iii. 8 ; and my spirit did more freely go out in a gospel- strain than in a legal. I never in my sermons reflected upon the persons of rulers or councils ; neither laboured to stir up the people, nor did I insist ordinarily upon public differences. But though I did sometimes (the Lord putting it in my mind and mouth) preach against the ungodly ministers the cm-ates, the particular duties of the times, yet were the substantial truths of religion the more ordinary subject of my discourses, and it was " Clmst and him crucified" that I was mostly called to preach. (4.) I was called (I say) more to preach by private exhortation than by public for- mal preaching ; and to endeavour the convei'sion of some and edifi- cation of others by transient occasional discourses. And in the discharge of this I found more peace of conscience, greater sweet- ness and profit, than by preaching of many sermons ; yet in this I was most defective, and to it had least inclination. I found a pri- vate exhortation and instruction, transiently and occasionally given, do more good than many sermons. And private exhortation is preaching, and hath the advantage of public preaching, especially at this time, in this regard, that there is more self-denial, less carnal vain ends in it, than in public preaching ; in this occasional preach- ing, by way of transient discourse, we have occasion given us to make what we say plain, and beat it upon them, and hear what they say. Lastly, w^e can do this without breach of law. We cannot do the other mthout undergoing great suffering, and in hazard to be frustrated; and the Lord, by the prevalency of the laws against these more formal preachings, seems to call us to sec what private discom'ses may do. (5.) I was called to preach plainly, particu-
31-4 MEMOIRS OF THE
larly, and authoritatively, as the messenger of Jesus Christ, with all sorts of persons ; yet coiu'teously, wisely, meekly, and gently ; not to speak in a cloud of general words, but " Thou art the man," to reach home ; nor yet to speak lightly or slightly, but seriously and gravely, that it may be reverenced and regarded by those to whom it is directed. For both we should speak wOiat we say, and they hear as the word of God ; yet withal wisely and meekly, shunning to give u'ritation. (6.) I was called to " serve God in the gospel of liis Son" as my only and great work, to make this my trade and calling, in which only, dihgently, " in season and out of season," to be employed ; and to take no other thing in hand, but wholly to be given to this. " Give thyself wholly to these things," saith the Apostle to Timothy. Acts vi. 4, " We will give ourselves to the word and prayer." They would not so much as look to the distribution of supply to the poor, lest it should divert them from their function in the word. (7.) And that I might the better dis- charge my office and confute adversaries, I was called to read some, and meditate on what I read. (8.) To discharge the work of my calling in a special dependence on God for light, life, assistance, wisdom, and a blessing. No calling, no w^ork imder heaven, wherein there is more need of dependence on God, than the work of the ministry. Alas ! we know neither what to say nor how to say, " We are not sufficient for these things, but our sufficiency is of God." Nor ought we to sj)eak any thing but as the Lord giveth utterance. By this I perceive it is not every person, yea, every Christian or saint, that is a fit and qualified person for the ministry ; they must be " polished shafts." Right interpreters are rare persons, " One of a thousand," Job xxxiii. 23. Nay, very few of those who are called of men are called of God to the ministry : for, 1. Ministers must be persons of good parts and endowments, able to convince and put to silence advei'saries ; they must have knowledge and learning more than others. 2. They must be saints and Christians ere they be ministers ; for how shall Satan cast out Satan ? What do all gifts profit if a man want grace or charity ? Is he not as a '' tinkling cymbal ?" IIow shall Buch ])ersuadc othert?, who them-
KEV. JAMES ITRASER. 315
selves never "knew the terrors of the Lord?" Shall they tell others the way to heaven, that never themselves travelled that way ? Is not this for " the bhnd to lead the blind ?" Can a blessing be ex- pected on the labours of such ? I do not say that grace is essential to the ministry, but appearance of grace and serious profession is needful ; and it is necessary to the bene esse of a minister. 3. He must have a more than ordinary stock and measm-e of grace, of knowledge, patience, zeal, experience, sobriety, watclifulness, faith ; he cannot without this be "one of a thousand." He must be one acquainted in some measure with Satan's devices, and with the comers of the little world, the heart. 4. A godly, heavenly, pure, and spiritual conversation and behaviour, to illustrate what he delivers in preaching, to exemplify a godly life, is a clear confirma- tion of a minister's doctrine ; and if it do not convert them, yet still it will convince them. And when the conversation is con- trary, or short of the doctrine preached,, that man " destroyeth what he buildeth" — he unpreacheth and confutes what he preaches, an gives occasion to people to think religion a stage-play. 5. The minister must have the sense of his charge, the danger of immortal souls deeply imprinted on his heart ; it must be clear to him, that the Lord hath called him, and to what he is called, and the weight and import of his charge. It is a matter of Hfe and death ; hence the charge of prophesying, committed to the prophets, is called a burden. He that hath but slight impressions of his charge will never faithfully discharge it. 6. He must love and take pleasure in his work, be reconciled thereto. He must not only be convinced that such a work is incumbent upon him, and be some way suffi- cient for the discharge of it ; but his heart must lie to it, he must have a will to it, else his work is not accepted ; " With good-will doing the work of the Lord;" God "meeteth him that rejoiceth and worketh righteousness." He that doth not so will not continue long in it ; hence there must be a desire of the office of a bishop. Paul was affectionately desirous of the Thessalonians, and was " straitened in spirit" till he had discharged his commission ; " Gladly willing to spend and be spent for you." 7. He must be
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a prudent man ; " Be ye wise as serpents," Matth. x., " Being cun- ning, I caught you with guile ; he that winneth souls is wise." There is a divine Avisdom and prudence in " fishing of men" for Christ. 8. He must be a tender-hearted man, ready to sympathise with all that are in aiSiction, either inward or outward, 1 Thess. ii. 7 ; be as a nurse to them. Compassion puts ministers to do much for the souls of people, and when people see the compassion of ministers, it takes much with them. 9. They must always live near God, and depend on liim for wisdom, courage, and success ; they must be, with Moses, much in the mount. 10. They must be bold courageous men, men of great zeal for God, " not afraid of the faces of men," but " set their faces as a flint." 11. Humble per- sons, "bearing with much meekness and long-suflfering those that are out of the way," 2 Tim. ii. 25. Of aU these qualifications I had some small measure, of some more, of some less, but of none what I ouffht to have.
SECTION III.
Observations and Instructions from the aforesaid Narration.
The office of the ministry is an honourable employment. What a trust and an honour hath the Lord been pleased to confer on me, that he hath intrusted me with the charge of souls, and to be his ambassador, and witness, and apostle or messenger, " for obedience to the faith among all nations. Unto me is this grace given, that I should preach the unsearchable riches of Christ." 2. I perceive that I am bound to another kind of life than the rest of the world, to be holy in another manner than they ; that, as the Lord hath set me in a more eminent place, so I should be more eminent in holiness, adorning the gospel : they that " bear the vessels of the Lord's" house ought themselves to be holy in a sjiecial manner. 3. A minister's work and charge is very weighty ; they are placed in the very front of the battle against the devil and the world, to " declare the whole counsel of God" to them; and they stake
I
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their souls for security of tlieir faithful discharge of their duty. 4. Of all sorts of persons in the world, they have greatest need of dependence upon Christ for light and strength ; for their ^York is far above their abilities, and therefore are they constantly to have their eyes to the Lord for daily supplies according to their need. 5. I find I have great reason to be humbled for my short- comings in sevei'al things ; as, 1st, That I have never been so sensibly affected with the great charge the Lord hath put (and I have condescended to take) upon me. 2dly, In that I have not applied myself wholly to these things, nor given myself to word and prayer as my only work. How much of my time hath been spent in not discharging any part of my duty ? 3dly, I have been sadly entangled with the affairs of this life, and my heart is so taken up with them, that I had but little heart to my charge ; at least I could not wholly look to these things. 4thly, I have not had that tenderness towards perishing soids, nor such sense of God's, presence and matters I have been speaking of. 5thly, I have not so depended for counsel, direction, strength, and a bless- ing from God : I have spoken in my own wisdom too much, and have not had things so purely from God. 6thly, The duty of par- ticular exhortation much slighted ; many means, as private con- ference, writing of letters towards saving and edifying of souls, have been neglected. 7thly, My conversation hath not been so shining and convincing as became a minister. 8thly, I was many times timorous and bashful, Avhen I should boldly have appeared against sin and for God. For these, with many sinful defects, I desire to mourn and be humbled before the Lord, and to seek mercy through the blood of Jesus Christ.
But, however I have great cause to be humbled for many sinfiil defects I have been sensibly convinced of, and to flee to the Lord Jesus' blood shed for the remission of sins for pardoning grace ; yet I have the Lord to bless, and have great peace and comfort, for not a few things that through his grace I have attained : 1. That the Lord hath so far honoured me, as to call me to serve him in the gospel of his Son, who was educated and placed in
318 MEMOIRS OF THE
another station in the world, and designed by my parents and friends for another business. 2. That the Lord was at such pains, by converting me once and again, by sore spiritual conflicts and exercises, desertions, lifting up and casting do\vn, afflictions, per- secutions, death of relations, temptations, and trials, to qualify me in some measure for the ministry, and that for several years before I entered thereunto. 3. That the Lord did so wonderfully bless the little endeavours I used, and j)ains I took, for increasing my knowledge, improving my parts and gifts. 4. That I am in some measure not only called, but convinced of my call, to the ministry. 5. That I durst never preach anything to others, but what I had some experience of in my own spirit ; that I had myself walked in that way that I directed others to walk in ; that I never gave a mark or sign of grace, but what I could say I found in myself; that I never started doubts, or endeavom*ed to loose them, but by these means and medicines the Lord's Spirit had formerly proposed and loosed them to myself; I only delivered what I received from the Lord Jesus. 6. That the Lord not only commissionated me to preach and cry^ but directed me always what to cry ere I preached. Every sermon I preached, I had it with some warm- ness and hfe from the Lord upon my own spirit; and I durst never preach that sermon that I was not in some measure affected with in studying before I preached it. 7. That I never undertook the office of the ministry for filthy lucre's sake in the least, refiis- ing money for the space of twelve years, so that I had not a far- thing from any upon that or any other account during all that time, but wholly maintained myself with my own estate ; nor yet mostly or altogether from pride or vain-glory, but was desirous of the office to honour and serve Christ therein, and likewise to do all the good I could to poor sinners. 8. That my labours were not altogether in vain, but much accepted with gracious persons and others, and efficacious to not a few ; and my repute was amongst the best, and honoured more both at home and abroad than I desired or deserved. Common people did repute me and love me, because I spoke to their capacities, and used similitudes ;
REV. JAMES FBASER. 319
those that were more knowing had me In esteem, because I was full master of whatsoever I spoke ; and many liked me because I spoke of things that were little touched by others, viz., the differ- ence betwixt law and gospel, freedom and absoluteness of the covenant, and some peculiar notions I had, which the most part did relish, but some again did so far mistake as to think I was a setter-forth of new opinions. 9. That I was In some measure endued with all the qualifications needful to a minister, though I had but a small degree of some of them. 10. That my gifts, parts, and graces sensibly increased, yea, and outward estate in the world, since I entered upon the work of the ministry. 11. That as I sensibly found my own weakness and insufficiency to do ought for the Lord, so I have as sensibly found the immediate supply of the Spmt of grace enabling to discharge the duty of my calling in a gracious and comfortable manner. 12. I bless the Lord, what- ever were my shortcomings and failings, I never dishonoured my calling by any scandalous sin ; my conversation was truly, in some measure at least, suitable to my office. 13. That I was always on the Lord Jesus' side, and opposite to the dragon and his party. 14. That he gave me to suffijr for his truth, as well as to preach his truth ; and that all the malice of adversaries did never make me change in principle, or comply in the least with them.
A ministerial call Is God's command In his word to such as he hath gifted for that employment to serve him In the gospel, applied by the Spirit to the heart inwardly, and found and declared to be such by such as he hath appointed for that purpose, and received for that effect by his Church. 2. The subject of this power Is the Lord Jesus, from whom he receives It : but the Church, con- sisting of spiritual officers and professed believers, are the instru- ments of application ; the one by election, by which he Is made minister of such a people ; and the other by appointment or ordina- tion. It is from Christ that all true ministers have their commis- sion : but the Lord Jesus, the only chief bishop, appoints servants to see his commission ; and. In case they discern It to be from Christ, are to publish the same. 3. It would seem that ministers
320 MEMOIRS OF THE
ordaining and solemnly appointing a person to the work of the ministry is much declarative of what Christ doth principally ; as it is with an ambassador or herald who denounces war, it is his master who doth it, he but ministerially publishes and declares it, and at most he doth but instrumentally and ministerially denounce war. 4. Yet are not ministerial acts of preaching, ordaining, ex- communicating, mere idle declarations, but have an instrumental causality, and are efficacious, producing effects ; and hence we hear tell of " hewing by the prophets," and of " the sword of Elisha, which should slay ; " Jeremiah is " as fire," and the people " as wood to be consumed." 5. Yet it is not this by virtue of any natural, in- nate causality in the word preached, or other ordinance dispensed ; but the Lord doth make use of the minister's declaration (for in itself it is no more) as a passive mean to do his will by ; as a channel is said to convey the w^ater into the sea, though it cannot put forth any active efficacy thereunto. 6. In some cases minis- ters have authority to preach, either by election or ordination. The want of any of these doth not annul a minister's office, the Lord conferring the power sometimes by ordination as the channel, and sometimes by election. Ordination, I think, makes a minister ; or the Lord, by laying on the hands of the presbytery, doth con- fer a right to preach, and make a minister : and the election of a people doth make a man their minister. 7. As every Christian, who is baptized in any particular church, is baptized in the vmlversal Catholic Church, and therefore hath right to a visible fellowship with it in all privileges ; so he who Is ordained a minister, is a minister of the universal Catholic Church, and may exercise ministerial acts In any place of the world, may preach and administer the sacraments, and the like. 8. 1 suppose, therefore, the practice of indefinite ordina- tion Is very warrantable, that Is, of ordaining a minister, though not to any particular charge, especially in ecclesia constituenda, or turbata, where ministers cannot stay in one place, and where the universal confusion of the Church doth call for help. In a constitute settled church, elders indeed are appointed in every city ; for so the first ministers, apostles, seventy disciples, evangelists, were ordained ;
REV. JAMES FRASEK. 321
SO Mr Wisheart, TInJal, Bradford, Mr Patrick Hamilton, and most of our extraordinary first refonners. 9. No unqualified per- son, that is, no scandalous person, no ignorant or profane man, who is not able in some measure to convince the adversary, can be counted a minister in the com-t of heaven or of men ; for God never calls such in his word to preach, whom he hath not some- way fitted for the work ; nor doth the Spirit of Christ apply this call to any but to such as are qualified. And if men call any who visibly appear not to be so qualified, as they may, and also too frequently do, it is clave errante ; this unqualified, so ordained, is no minister, more than a woman ordained is to be esteemed a minister of Christ : for the same law, that discharges and interdicts the one, interdicts the other. 10. The office and acts of such, as ordination and baptism, though in themselves null, yet they are effectual to godly persons, to whom their " uncircumcision becomes circumcision;" and, therefore, are not necessary to be retracted. The same I say of Popish priests, who are not ministers of Christ ; the ordinances dispensed by them are all in themselves null, yet, to such as observe the law of circumcision, their " uncircumcision becomes cu'cumcision :" and, consequently, a Popish priest turning orthodox, and renouncing the great whore, and all antichristian authority, there is no need he be re-ordained. 11. As there is no necessity of the re-ordination of such, nor of the re-baptizing of such as Popish priests or wicked scandalous ministers do baptize ; so, I think, the one may be re-ordained, and the other in case of scruple may be re-baptized. 12. There is no true ministry nor time ordinance of Jesus Christ in the Popish Church, nor salvation in it as such. That work and employment, which the Lord doth call us to, is ordinarily that which we find our corrupt natures have most aversion to, and therefore most difficult ; for Satan will stir up the greatest opposition thereunto, as we see in Moses and Jere- miah. Therefore that part of the ministry your hearts have greatest aversion to, and seek most to shift, is that to which you are mostly called. (2.) As the foundation and ground of our call to believe on Christ is God's word, making it our duty to believe; VOL. ir. X
322 MEMOIRS OF THE
SO the ground and call of a person to the ministry is no other than God's word, such as this, " Occupy till I come ; every one, where- in he is called, let him walk Avith God." (3.) Such as God calls to preach now, are not called to preach immediately. Much less doth the call of God to preach actually constitute them ministers ; for then Avere they ministers before they Avere ordained or elected. But he is called to j^reacli in such a manner, method, and order, that is, by the ordination and election of the Church ; God Avill haA'c his poAvxr to be conveyed to him in such a channel. lie Avill have him indeed preach, but he Avill first have his gift and call tried ; and AA'hen the servants of Christ have found the Lord to have called him, they are authoritatively in the name of Clu'ist to enjoin him to the exercise of his gift, and to publish the same to the people. (4.) Ministers ordinarily have great aversion to the AA^ork of the ministry, it being a difficult Avork, and a AA'ork aboA'e the strength of flesh and blood, and exposing to the hatred of all men. And such who find greatest insufficiency in themselves, and are most sensible of their AA^ants, are truly called of God ; as Jere- miah, AAdio cried he Avas a child. (5.) Therefore doth the Lord Avith the very office, or short time thereafter, bestoAV qualities and endoAvments fitting them for the service : as It is said of Saul, that the Lord did " give him a ncAV heart" Avhen he made him a king ; the Lord many times in the very time of ordination, and there- after, gives greater measure of grace and gifts to his servant. I cannot say but I found a sensible increase of knoAA ledge, gifts, and graces, from the very time of my setting out, although in the very act of ordination I did not find these gifts sensibly in me, or did not find such a change. There is something of this therefore in that expression, " The gift that was given thee by laying on of the hands of the presbytery." Some never find the furniture till they be engaged in the Avork ; increase of gifts and graces therefore is a sign of God's call to the ministry, and seal thereof.
The Lord calls to and employs men in the Avork of the ministry, Avhom he never calls efTectually to be saints. He makes many in some measure meet for tl\e ministry, and useful to the Church,
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who were never made meet for the kingdom of heaven, else Christ would never have called Judas to be an apostle ; although such usually discharge their office neither so successfully, painfully, or comfortably, and, I am sure, never acceptably. 2. Though hypo- crites and reprobates, whom the Lord Jesus doth make use of in the Church, may be true and lawful ministers, yet cannot it be instanced that the Lord Jesus in Old or New Testament did ever commission a scandalous, insufficient, or miqualified person, or one known to be a hypocrite, to serve him. 3. I many times found, that when I thought I was most enlarged, and most sensibly assisted, either in preaching, or conference, or prayer, I have done least good, there have not been such fruits ; and, on the contrary, when I found greatest deadness and sti'aitness in my spirit in ministerial exercises, I found I have done most good : to show we should not trust in ourselves, but in the Lord, in whom alone is the blessing, and of whom alone is the efficacy of ordinances ; and to encom'age ministers under indispositions, and " out of season," to be always doing ; for they may do most good when they think themselves least fitted for any such thing. 4. Sometimes, in the distempers of spirit, I have said, I will retire and mend my nets, and for some time " hear what the Lord will say to me," and not open my mouth to speak to others. I have then found it never worse with me, and my corruptions and my confusions to grow stronger upon me ; so that I have been forced to alter my resolu- tions, and appear in public ; and by studying of preachings, and by preaching of them, I have sensibly found a cure of my spiritual distempers. Nor, next to prayer, do I find anything more quicken- ing than studying a sermon, and endeavouring after a preaching frame, and to hear what God would have me to say. 5. Before I engaged with the office of the ministry, I was engaged in a multi- plicity of affiiirs, entangled and burdened with great debts on my father's account, and several intricacies, which made me for some time delay my entering into the ministry. But, when I delayed, matters grew worse ; and, since I resolved, the Lord hath been pleased to deliver me out of all my intricacies, so as I may, with- out being biu'densome to any, or great distraction, attend upon
32 l MEMOIRS OF THE
my work, Avliich is a very great encouragement to me. G. I many times am employed in business for others, against my "will truly ; but ordinarily nothing that I meddle in of others' concernments, if it be a civil business, doth prosper ; and yet I prosper in all my own affairs, except Avhen I am excessively and unseasonably taken up. 7. As discharging of my duty faithfully is my generation's work ; so I look iipon my great neglect and omissions of, and slightness in, this work of the ministry, to be, as it were, my only evil, the foundation of any breaches in my soul. Here, when I. reform, must I begin. 8. I seldom preach as I ought, or to my ovm. contentment, but after sermons see need of fleeing unto the blood of sprinkling for pardon, and before this altar to mourn, grieve, and be humbled, and seek to preach better and more holily, and to be under a greater sense of what I preach, and whose words I preach, and of those to whom I speak. 9. I find multiplicity of points, though counted material preaching and quick speaking, not so refreshful to my soul, or profiting to others, as a few points well pressed and insisted upon, and gravely and slowly delivered. And therefore of late I use but slow delivery, and a few points. 10. I can speak with better utterance in prayer than in preaching. 11. I usually, especially when in a good frame, use many similitudes. 12. God doth not call all to the ministry in a like manner: as some, and ordinarily most, are very unwilling to undertake the charge, and therefore must be " thrust out," as the word is ; so others do express more wilHngness, readiness, and inclina- tion to it. Hence some are said to " desire the office of a bishop ; " and Isaiah saith, " Send me," and offers himself to go ; whereas Moses and Jeremiah are hardly brought over. 13. Ordinarily, before a minister's closing with the work of the ministry, there is an exei'cising of the person with great and various tentations, and regeneration, (as one calls it,) that the person, as it Avere, passes under a new work of conversion, of conviction of sin, and pardon and justification intimated unto his conscience, without which a gracious soul will be very loath to engage in such a work. So Isaiah was really humbled under a sense of guilt, and made to cry out, until by a comfortable voice he be assured that his iniquity is
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pardoned and himself justified. 14. There is not only need of a gift and endowment to preach, but great need of the actual breath- ing of the Spirit to stir up and excite the gift that is in them ; without which, though the Lord has been pleased to give some small measure of talents, yet can they not preach more than a child. 15. To draw souls to, and build them up in Christ Jesus, is and ought to be the great end and scope of all faithful ministers. Christ is the Alpha and Omega of preaching, he is the centre where all the lines ought to meet ; and, where Christ is not the sense and life of preaching, we lose the text. 16. No secret or mystery is more needful, and a minister shotdd be versed in or acquainted with, than the depth of the covenant of grace, Christ and faith, the promises and the law.
CHAPTER X.
Of my Marriage, and the Lord's Providences toicards me during the time of my Marriage, ichich was in the yiar 1 672, and for some time thereafter.
At that time the Church of Christ had great rest and liberty from persecution through variance amongst the statesmen, and preachers were frequent, yea, the curates were beginning to leave their pulpits. I was as busy as I covdd amongst others, and in August had gone North, and despatched some business there ; the most was to take course with some debts. I returned South, but a violent persecution had broken out, and then there began to be fining, imprisoning, taking and summoning of persons, disturbing of conventicles with soldiers. But yet the Gospel prevailed more and more, and we were like the " Israelites in Egypt, the more we were afflicted, the more we grew and multiplied." Some hot-heads wxre for taking the sword, and redeeming of themselves from the hands of oj)- pressors ; at least I had ground to fear it : but I opposed rising in arms all I coidd, and preached against it, and exhorted them to patience and courageous using of the sword of the Spirit ; and 1
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did not see they had any call to the sword, that then* " strength was to sit still." And if they did stir and take the sword, they would therewith perish ; but if they patiently suffered and endured, God would himself either incline to pity, or some other way support and deliver them. I had influence with the people, being popular ; and whilst I was at liberty, I did what I could to keep the people peaceable. The truth is, there were great provocations given, so that we concluded it was the design of some riders to stir us up that we might fall. JSIinisters still preached and laboured amongst the people, conventicles increased, many were brought in ; the work of God in the midst of persecution did always prosper, until we destroyed ourselves, first by needless divisions and difference in opinion happening by reason of the Indulgence, and thereafter by rash and unwarrantable taking up of arms most unseasonably in the year 1679 ; Avhen the dissenting party, a good number of them meeting at a conventicle to worship God, being assaulted by armed men, and defending of themselves, did kill about thirty men of their enemies. With this success both engaged and heartened, great numbers gathered together, but not in the Lord's strength ; and there, by their unseasonable divisions, and folly of some, they were made a prey to their enemies, as is fully known. The perse- cution became so hot in the latter end of the year 1674, and be- ginning of 1675, and always after that, that sometimes I was in hazard to be taken preaching. It was then I was intercommuned, with some other ministers, gentlemen, and women, yea, some per- sons of quality ; but the Lord suffered not tliis ball, though it hit me, to do me harm. The Gospel still spread, and the people of all sorts ventm*ed on converse with intercommuned persons. O let " my soul bless the Lord, and not be forgetful of his benefits ; let me not conceal his loving-kindnesses, but show them to the sons of men." Although the Lord afflicted me, and kept the cross still upon my back, as I said ; yet did he likewise remember mercy, his mercies were "renewed every morning" to me. And, 1st, the Lord showed his mercy to me, in giving me a comfortable and suitable yoke-fellow, who did me good and not evil all the days of
liEV. JAMES FRASEIl. 327
her life. In her did I behold as in a glass the Lord's love to me, by her were the sorrows of my pilgrimage many times sweetened, and she made me frequently forget my sorrows and griefs, and was the greatest tentation to mc of saying, " It is good for me to be here ;" so that I can seal to the truth of that, " An inheritance is from the fathers, but a good prudent wife is from the Lord, and whoso findeth her obtaineth favour of the Lord." I had not in herself alone a comfortable relation, but I had very much love and respect from aU her relations, which were many, and in whose sight I found favour, that they considered me no longer as a stranger but as their brother, and there w^as nothing but in what I could command them ; and many of them being lawyers, advocates, clerks, and judges, I had their service for nought, and glad were they to do me any good ; by them I obtained several things, and warded off several blow^s. Nor did their love die with her, but continued constant to this day, as ready to pleasure and do for me now as ever ; nor know I so much as of any one breach that ever was betwixt us. She was kindly — " the law of kindness was in her mouth ;" she was prudent and well-bred, ordered her affairs with great discretion, and by her wisdom and activity did many things that were fair and lovely to look on ; was truly religious, and not only would comply with me in any good work and spiritual duty, but many times would assist, stir up, and encourage and remember me of my duty. 2dly, I found much preserving mercy from the Lord. I was in great debts when I married ; some considerable sums of money was I bound in, others I Avas not bound in, but yet were truly owing, but was not able to pay them, being my father's debt. Had those creditors fallen then upon me whiles I was yet tender, they might have undone me, made my life and ray wife's very uncomfortable to me ; but such as I was owing to, the Lord was pleased to restrain, that they did not process for their money until I was able to pay them ; nor did others stir at all of my creditors, though I had fears they might arrest money belonging to my wife, her interest at least ; yet none ever moved. Some tried to do something by law, but I prevailed against them ; and
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my cause seemed so just to the judges, that they could not hanii me ; so that they agreed with me on Avhat terms I pleased, which was, to pay them what and when I was able, and how I was able. Likewise, 3dly, The Lord was so gracious to us, as although I had no gainful employment, nor ever received a sixpence for preaching whilst in Scotland, nor a gift from any relation or friend, that yet, by the blessing of the Lord on our management, I discharged a great burden of debt without wronging my estate a sixpence. In that four years and an halTs time, I cleared seven or eight hundred pounds sterling of debt, wliich by several obligations I was owing to several persons, and did settle a debt, which betAvixt principal and annual rent amounted to eight hundred pounds, for two hun- dred. My own estate was not above one hundred, my mother and public duties had yearly thirty-five or forty pounds of it, it was not all well paid ; I had with my wife sixty-five pounds annuity, besides one hundred pounds of stock ; but it is true we got in above five hundred pounds of a desperate debt we looked not for. 4thly, I looked on it as a piece of great mercy, that I had by my marriage better and greater occasions of serving the Lord and his people in the service of the Gospel ; for living for the most part in the South with my wife, I had frequent calls to preach both in the cities and country, so that few weeks passed that I did not preach twice a Lord's day, and once every week besides, and sometimes much ofter, and always to great multitudes, to several hundreds in the cities and thousands In the country, being much followed where they knew me : there was not such a door opened in the North. Sthly, I increased in grace, knowledge, and gifts, while married, both by exercising my talents faithfully, and having the opportun- ity of hearing the best gifted men in Scotland, by whom I profited both as a Christian and as a minister, and likewise by providences of mercy and judgment shown me. 6thly, ]\fany experiences had I of the Lord's goodness in delivering me out of great straits, as in sparing my wife to me when in great straits and at the gates of death, twice in delivering me from the hands of the enemies ; though intercommuned, yet thereby received no damage ; though
REV. JAMES ERASER. 329
sought out to be Imprisoned, yet was hid ; and when such as in- tended to apprehend me were come in where I was preaching,^ three several times was I preserved from them wonderfully ; money likewise to supply wants, and credit was cast in to me wonderfully. Especially at two several times, when, if a great sum had not been gotten, I might have been broken, and my friends with me ; but the Lord lent it me, in stirring up some of whom I did not expect it at all, without any motion of mine, to offer money freely to me, and more than would do my turn. I had likewise experiences of the Lord's hearing of my prayer very remarkably. And, finally, the Lord was pleased to bless me with children ; and I bless the Lord, he helped me in some measure to carry Christianly in a mar- ried relation, making conscience of private duties, having some- times very sweet and heart-refreshing fellowship betwixt me and my wife alone, seeing and feeling much of the Lord's goodness vented to me whiles m that relation, doing nothing, and watching against what might stain my credit or authority either as a minister or a Christian, being preserved from gross pollutions through the mercy of the Lord. And yet I desire to be humbled, to the justi- fying of God, and abasing of myself, for great shortcomings and failings of which I was both in the time and since convinced ; as, ] . I was not so useful and profitable to my wife, family, and rela- tions, as I should and might have been ; many an opportunity had I which I nowise improved ; I cannot tell if any of them hath got good by me ; I was not as the dew to them. 2. I was not spiritual but very carnal in the use and enjoyment of lawful com- forts ; had many times a sensual carnal frame, and designed no spiritual end therein. I did not, " wherein I was called," walk so closely with the Lord as I should and might. 3. I was by the pleasures and satisfaction I found in a married condition turned off in my affections and longings after heaven, and now I began to see a greater good on earth than before, and was in my heart saying, " It is good to be here ;" my heart was glued to sublunary enjoy- ments, and much taken off Christ. 4. I did sometimes perform family-duty but slightly, and on haste neglect and omit tlie same
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sometimes, and omitted reading, and speaking from the word, and catechising ; yea, and omitted many occasions of spiritual fellow- ship with my wife, although the time spent that Avay, and our fellowship that way, was the sweetest part of our married life.
CHAPTER XI.
Of my Widowhood, and the Lord's Providences during that time; to- gether xoith Observations upon my Marriage and Widowhood,
And now there was an end put to my earthly joys, my sun of earthly prosperity was set, and my nights and " days of dark- ness," and " the years wherein I have had no pleasure in them," were come ; our sun must be overclouded sometimes. Four years and a quarter did I live in a married condition, "rejoicing with the wife of my youth" in the days of my vanity, that is, from the latter end of July 1672 to the latter end of October 1676, at which time must I be a widower : for then did the Lord, who " gave, take away " from me " the delight of mine eyes," and with her all earthly
joys.
I cannot say but the Lord gave me some warning of this before it came to pass. I was threatened in the year 1673 with this, but the Lord spared her for that time, but it was a mere suspension. Likewise that summer before she died, I was then in the North to settle some affairs; but a sudden damp was upon my spirit, by which my spirit was overwhelmed with an unknowTi load of sorrow, and continued for the space of two whole days. I hardly during that time could speak, eat, or drink, nor knew I any cause for it ; as it came without any cause, so within two days it wore off my spirit again. Now, these clouds upon my spirit are always forerunners of a sharp and bitter storm to blow upon me. The sense I many times had of my sinful course of life, my shortcoming, my distance with God, my not improving the mercies that God gave me, did many times, with some impression upon my spirit, presage the evil day a-coming ; yea, the extraordinaiy light and warmncss of my
EEV. JAMES FKASER. 331
sun did tell me always before a shower ; for truly the goodness of the Lord to me was my tentation to fear. How frequently have I said to myself, " O how do I fear the prosperity of fools may destroy me !" I perceive all the people of God that I know visited with sorrowupon sorrow; I see lamentation in the "tabernacles of Jacob," only I have peace, increase in riches, children ; have therewith peace and quietness, respect from others, and what not ? Oh, surely, if the Lord loves me, if I be not a bastard, a stranger that hath no lot or part with the people of God, surely I shall not be suffered to Avalk in a Avoi*ld alone, but shall mourn with Zion ; this world shall not hold. Thus did I many times commune with my own soul, and, as Job said, " I Avas not at peace" nor quietness, " yet trouble came ;" and " the evil I greatly feared Avas come upon me." Either if the Lord loves me, (said I,) God will send some painfid sickness or blast upon my estate, or I shall fall into the hands of the ungod- ly, or my wife shall be taken from me ; some awakening or other I shall have, that I knoAV. And accordingly, in the beginning of October 1676, having a call to Northumberland in order to do sometliing, (which after I inquired the Lord, I was free to do,) my wife sickened of a fever, and some eight or nine days thereafter she died, in vain calling for me during a great part of the time of sickness, who was then some fifty or sixty miles from her, and knew nothing. Letters were sent to me, but came too late, only a day before she died ; and, having made what haste I could after I once understood she was sick, I came and found her dead some four hours before. I indeed remember I was, when absent at that time, stirred up extraordinarily to mind her in prayer ; and about the very time she was a dying, an extraordinary cloud of horror seized upon me, being then within twelve miles of my journey to our own house.
Observations upon my Marriage and Widoichood.
It is good for either man or Avoman to be first married and en- gaged Avith Christ ere they be engaged Avith any other, otherAvIse Ave shall never carry Avell in a marriage state. When once i\\Q.
332 MEMOIRS OF THE
licart hath made its choice, it is hardly brought to choose Clu-ist ; and therefore our days of youth are days of choice, in which we are to "remember our Creator," Eccl. xii. 1. The Lord was merci- ful to me, in engaging me with Christ ere I settletl any other way, Mat. vi. vdt., " Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven." 2. It is not convenient, I think, that peoj)le not come to the years of discretion should marry ; I was thirty-two years of age when I married, and needed all the wisdom and experience that by age I acquired to manage a married lot. 3. As in all our ways we should acknowledge the Lord, so especially in going about marriage, that we may marry " in the Lord." For many years before I had thoughts of marriage, I earnestly besought the Lord, that if ever I should change my relation and manner of living, he would give me a comfortable yoke-fellow. And when the Lord opened a door, I durst not so much as make a visit without prayer ; and I set a whole day apart before I did propose marriage to my wife, to know the Lord's mind whether I should go on or not, and to seek his blessing in case I should see it of the Lord to go on. 4. The great end of marriage is to get a " meet help" for fm'thering of the soul's condition and spiritual concernment. We are not therefore to match ourselves any way but such as may be conducible to that end ; other ends and advantages are to be subordinate to this. 5. Therefore doth it much concern us that the person we many be a prudent, pious, and virtuous person ; fools or graceless persons we can never expect to be helpful to us this Avay ; it is dreadful to take a lump of wrath in our bosom. He that marrieth a prudent godly woman is sure to have the Lord himself to his father-in-law. The seed of the woman and of the serpent can never agree, dwell, and walk to- gether ; nor can an ox and an ass, yoked together, draw equally. 6. It is absolutely necessary that those we marry be persons of good moral parts, and especially that they be not of a cross but good humour naturally, and that they have some good measure of prudence ; without these two you cannot live comfortably. Yea, grace, though I confess it makes fools (even naturally so) Aviser, and makes the rugged lions eat grass like oxen, yet it doth not dc-
EEV. JAMES FRASER. 333
stroy nature ; and if there be not the stricter watch, it will vent, and cause disorders in the family. That we live religiously and to God, we owe it to grace ; but that, as men and women, we live in external peace and comfortably, is much from prudence and good natural humour. 7. It is a marvellous and a blessed thing where God is pleased to unite in the bonds of love first those he in his providence is pleased to join in marriage. This is the blessing of the Lord upon a marriage condition ; this is it Avhich makes the married walk faithfully, in sweet spiritual communion with God, in joint spiritual duties and exercises, and which makes it so comfort- able ; and this I found by experience. I found much sweetness in spiritual fellowship with my vnte ; the pleasantest time we ever had was these few hours we spent together in prayer, in reading the word, and the making of observable things out of it, in spuitual conference, and joint binding of ourselves to the Lord, in all wliich I found her very cordial ; nor can I say I found fellowship with any other so sweet as with her. What a great advantage is it, and how necessary, to be united by love with these with whom we join in fellowship ! 8. Grace makes persons not only good Christians but good in all relations. To say, a good woman, but a bad wife ; a gracious man, but a mighty cross, peevish, sullen husband ; a holy man, but a wonderfully bad master or undutiful servant, is that which I truly think cannot be. And however some have very con- fidently endeavoured to make it out to me by several instances, yet truly, whatever may be truth in it, I could never yet see through or understand how it coidd be. 9. IMarriage is one of the most important steps of a man's life : O then, with what fear, and trembling, and godly dependence, should we go about such a matter ! I shall never forget what a minister said when marrying two cer- tain persons, viz.. That repentance mends all things but an iU-made marriage : it is either a mean of the greatest comfort or sorrow. 10. If any person be uncomfortably yoked, they may through grace be profitably yoked. To marry an iU, cross, and rugged per- son is indeed grievous ; but it may be and has been blessed of God as the mean of greatest good. Thus I thought I was thereby en-
^34 MEMOIRS OF THE
couraged against terrible eiFects of a bad choice ; well, said I, if I fall not well, sure I am I shall thereby have the best opportunity and advantage to be mortified to the world that ever I had, and an ill wife may do that good for me which all my former afflictions could not do. 11. I have observed, that several gracious persons have been very unequally yoked with graceless persons, and that to be the sad lot rather of poor women than of men, and yet this hath been blessed of God to them, and they helped to carry well under it. 12. A marriage condition or state is both a blessed and comfortable state, and also a state liable to many incon- veniences ; I found this fountain to " send forth bitter and sweet." As it was a life of much contentment, and as I saw much of the love and goodness of God, so did I see the same seasoned with many ingredients, cares, and vexing fears, that I never found in a single state ; so that if I were absent for four or five days, it was a terror to me to enter into the family, lest I should hear or know that either wife or children were unwell. 13. Although marriage be ordained for preventing of fornication and burning lust, 1 Cor. vii. 4, and for begetting of children to furnish the Church with an holy seed, yet are they not the only great ends of marriage ; for aged persons that cannot get children, and such as never found these violent desires, may laAvfully marry, and that for the great end of marriage, which is to have a suitable help, a suitable com- panion, who may in our pilgrimage be comfortable to vis, and help us in our way to heaven. 14. Although increase of wealth or pay- ing of debts be the ordinary great end of marriage, with continu- ance of our names, yet do I think it the meanest of ends. And just it is (as ordinary) with God to make the marriage of such un- comfortable, and to deprive them of the true comforts and blessings thereof, who have their eyes so much thereupon. This I may say, riches were not my aim, having preferred her Avhom I have married to several with greater portions, and in other things not inferior to her save only in virtue and piety. 15. It is a very hard thing to guide a marriage lot, and to Avalk prudently and in knowledge, to keep such a spiritual frame as to possess our vessels in holiness, and,
KEY. JAMES FRASER. 335
like Enoch, to beget sons and ilaugliters, and walk with God. Alas ! I know not how to walk perfectly " in a perfect way," nor how to behave wisely in my house. I many times omitted opportunities of doing good, slighted others ; many times slightly and perfuncto- riously Avent about ftimily duties, was carnal and excessive, was foolish in many things ; yea, the comforts of a present life, Avife, children, and relations, did blunt my desire after heaven, and I began to say in my heart, " It is good to be here." 16. Overvalued comforts are shortened, and a worm comes and consumes them, so that they wither to the ground. 17. Loss of comforts is as bitter, yea, much more than ever they were comfortable when enjoyed. As I much comforted myself in such a comfortable yoke-fellow, so it was exceeding bitter when the Lord withered such a gourd, Jonah iv. 6, 7. 18. Mercies obtained by, and received as the fruit of prayer, are double mercies. What was comfortable and useful to me in a yoke-fellow I obtained by prayer. 19. I think it a greater sin to marry on the Lord's day than to yoke a plough, inas- much as the work and concern is greater ; and I judge it to be one of the provoking profanations of the Lord's day, the sinfid continu- ance of this ; and I seldom ever see these marriages blessed that were celebrated on that day. They must be strangely mortified creatures that do not " find their own pleasures that day." I never durst do or advise to it. I am hardly free for ministers to marry persons ; to give them exhortations, and to seek a blessing upon them I think very commendable ; but to minister in the action, ceremony and rite, which is the badge of that relation, I think is no more competent to him, than to give a sasine in land. Yet, as times go now, I think it not altogether unlawful to marry by a minister ; but it were to be wished this and other things were re- formed, which, as they are relics of Popery, so do they tend to beget in us an opinion of marriage being a sacrament, seeing minis- ters only administer it ; and commonly people think, that if ministers do not marry them, that they are not married at all. And this likewise begets the marrying on the Lord's day, seeing they take it for some spiritual action, pcrformablc only by ministers. Other
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tilings I miglit observe, but, fearing tcdiousness, I here end tliia chapter.
CHAPTER XII.
OF MY SUFFEKINGS.
SECTION I.
Of my public Sufferings in general.
It pleased the Lord, not only to exercise me with personal afflic- tions, but lilvcwise for purging away and healing of my corruptions, for trial and exercise of my faith, patience, and sincerity, for hum- bling of me, and for manifesting his purity and holiness, and for confirmation and seahng of God's truth and Avays, to honour me with public sufferings for his name ; by being reproached, oppressed, and wronged, intercommuned, troubled with citations before courts on that account, wandering from place to place many times for fear of my life, imprisoned, fined, and banished, and threatened with death itself.
The cause and occasion of my sufferings was, dissenting from, and nonconformity to, the government of jirelacy in the Church; for not coming to church to hear such ministers and officers as did officiate by an unlawfld (to me) authority ; for adhering to the persccvited, deserted party, who stood upon their former ground, cleaving to their former principles ; and for taking upon me to preach without the bishop's authority. This, in short time, exposed me to the last of the laws against dissenters, and malice of the bishops, whose principles, ways, courses, and office, I was convinced were not of God, and by instinct was averse to. For as to any other thing, whether immorality or sedition, I could not be charged therewith, being as to man unblameablc, of sufficiently loyal princij)les, and
REV. JAMES ERASER. 337
kept from having hand in our concurrence with any public insur- rection that was ; so that there was nothing that could be laid to my charge but as concerning my God and conscience.
It is true, the very profession of religion did expose me to per- secution, viz., to reproach and contempt, and made me not willing to bring my cause to their corrupt judicatories, choosing rather to suffer by unprofitable terms of peace, than to bring my cause before them to be heard publicly ; for I knew both my person and princi- ples were unfavourable, and therefore doubted much of the issue of my cause.
Hitherto my troubles reached none but myself; but now, being married, they reached others : for within a very few days after we were married, and were preparing to go to the North, a messenger came with a summons to me to appear before the council for keep- ing of conventicles. The Bishop of Murray, in whose diocy I had preached, and a privy counsellor, for some picque he had at my wife, did cause me this trouble. I was herewith troubled ; but my wife's friends, to whom I communicate the matter, dealt with the messenger to take off his summons, and to lay on a new summons when we were to the North, where we were to be in a day or two, and then indorse on the back of liis execution, that he found us not, which would make a new summons necessary ; and he did so. My adversaries were enraged at this, and, disdaining to be thus outwitted, caused send one hundred and sixty miles a new sum- mons, which, within two months after we were come North, came to our hand. I was therewith much troubled on my wife's account, fearing that the public would seize upon any tiling belonging to her ; however, I prayed to the Lord, and sought advice what to do, whether I should answer the council's citation (as my friends advised me) or not, and take my hazard. The Lord was pleased to clear it to me, that I was not to answer the citation, which light I followed ; upon Avhich I was denounced and outlawed. My wife was very cheerful under this. Within a short time thereafter we came South ; and then, understanding who were the authors of my troubles, I thought it wisdom to take them off; and, for this VOL. II. Y
338 MEMOIRS or the
effect, employed such as had greatest influence with the privy counsellor to deal with him to abstain from such a matter and action so far below him. I likewise came myself and spoke to him ; and the Lord blessed the means used so effectually, that he fell off, putting all the blame on the bishop, and was ever thereafter a good friend to me ; and having the executions delivered him, he would never give them up, by which means they came to nothing, and, finally, were altogether forgotten.
After this there was " silence in heaven for half an hour," but then the angels of war did sound their trumpets ; and amongst other ministers was I sought for, and of new denounced; w^as many times, while in the South, made to shift my lodging ; w^as frequently in fears and alarms, and preached in great tentations through the lying in wait of enemies; was several times inter- rupted in the very act of preaching by soldiers that by orders came to apprehend me ; I could get no business done. The Lord by this did only manifest his goodness in preserving and dehvering me, rendering enemies who did forbid us to preach inexcusable, by this causing them fill up the measure of their iniquities ; my spirit by these tossings was rather distempered and jumbled than bettered.
SECTION II.
Of my being Inter communed.
The bishops, and other wicked men, perceiving all this time that they " laboured in the fire," for the number of dissenters increased, and the gospel spread further and further notwithstanding of all the violent means that w^ere vised for suppressing it and the professors thereof, they bethink themselves of intercommuning the chief ministers that were most active in preaching, and the chief profes- sors both gentlemen and others, to the number of between three or four hundred in the first or second intercommuning. It was a
REV. JAMES ERASER.
339
public writ, served by king and council's authority, straltly dis- charging, under highest pains, all his majesty's subjects to converse or speak with, harbour or receive into their houses, or administer any comfort to, the persons m the writ particularly expressed. This was proclaimed and printed ; and thus for naked preaching were we processed as murderers and traitors, for such were only in use to be intercommuned. They thought this would keep the people from us, or force us, finding no shelter, to remove out of the land ; and make us as ducks to decoy others, who, could they be proven to have received or harboured us, were fine- able at the council's pleasure, and to be in the same circumstances which we were in ourselves. I was through the malice of the bishops put in with others ; for they knew that I was against the very hearing of their ministers, and had several times preached in the fields, and was very popular ; they imagined also my parts were greater than they were. And, therefore, though some friends dealt that I might not be intercommuned, yet could not prevail ; the bishops would have it so.
Although this seemed to be the first storm of persecution that yet had fallen upon us, and that now the adversaries had boasted of an effectual mean for suppressing conventicles, and establishing prelacy and uniformity, and that good people feared it ; yet the Lord did wonderfiiUy disappoint them, and made and turned their witty counsels into folly ; for this great noise harmed not at all, it was powder without ball : for, as for myself, never one that cared for me shunned my company ; yea, a great many more car- nal relations and acquaintances did entertain me as freely as ever they did ; yea, so far did the goodness of the Lord turn this to my good, that I observed it was at that time I got most of my civil business expede. And as the Lord preserved myself in this storm, so I did not hear of any intercommuned, or conversers with inter- communed persons, that were in the least prejudiced thereby ; nay, this matter of the intercommuning of so many good and peaceable men did but exasperate the people against the bishops the more, and procured to them, as the authors of such rigid courses, a greater
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and more universal hatred ; so that the whole land groaned to be delivered from them.
SECTION III.
Of my first Imprisonment in the Bass.
Some two years and a half did I continue intercommuned dis- charging the commission I had received from the Lord Jesus in great weakness, I confess, (yet desiring to serve the Lord better, and humbled and grieved upon the account of my great failing,) and in manifold tentations through the lying in wait of these who hunted after me. For the bishops knowing that I was a rigid non- conformist, who had not freedom to have any spiritual communion with their church, and that I laboured to keep some halting betwixt two opinions from joining with them, and to divert others from their (supposed by me) most sinfid communion ; and imagining me to be of some parts, and very active in preaching in the fields, and keeping up the Secession as they called it ; they therefore did stir up the king's council against me, representing me to them as a person of very disloyal principles and practices ; so as there was a particular eye upon me, and I was one of the three that a con- siderable sum of money was proffered for apprehending of, to any person, although nothing could be laid to my charge of sedition or InsmTection, but only that I preached without the bishop's author- ity, and had influence to keep such of the nation as I had influence upon, or conversed with, from going alongst or joining with the public courses established by law. Many attempts were made against me, which for some years I escaped : at last the major of the town of Edinburgh, being solicited by the archbishop, and encouraged and Importuned thereto by the promises of great rewards and acknowledgments, did on the Lord's day night, being the 28th January 1677, by the treachery of a servant-maid whom for money he had cormpted, who, being a servant-maid to a relation in whose house I ordinarily preached, had knowledge of
KEV. JAMES TRASER. 341
my coming aud going ; thus betrayed, I was apprehended by the said major about ten o'clock at night, which was the time the maid had appointed him to come to her master's house where I was for that day, as I was, after supper, recommending the house and family to God by jjrayer ; I was then interrupted and carried to prison. I did not think fit to resist, lest some friends and relations which were with me might be made to suffer.
He who apprehended me went immediately to the archbishop, and told him the news of my apprehension, with whicli the arch- bishop was greatly rejoiced, and by giving some small token at present, and promises of greater reward, dismissed the major. The archbishop, overjoyed with his imaginary success and prosperity in apprehending me, longed for the next day impatiently, on which, so soon as it did dawn, he (being a counsellor) sent order to the jailor that I should be kept close, and none suffered to have access to me ; which was done, until some of the counsellors in a com- mittee met the same night, before whom at five o'clock at night I appeared, where I was examined, and verbally charged as a sedi- tious person, who did rent the Church of Cln-ist, and was very active to make and keep up the schism ; as a preacher in field con- venticles, which was death by the law ; which they gladly would have me acknowledge, as likewise who they were that empowered me to preach : that I was intercommuned, and despised the law so far as I never made any application to be freed from that sentence : and that I was a person of very bad principles, destructive to all government. And thereupon the archbishop, who thereby thought to ensnare me by my own words, inquired, Whether I judged it lawful upon pretence of religion to take up arms against the king's majesty ? This was the sum : and that I kept correspondence with some prisoners in the Bass, which the archbishop confidently averred he knew. These thing were not charged upon me all at once, but in a confused way ; and many things by way of question. I cannot say of any of the committee of the council but they were all civil and sober persons, of whom, if the instigation and fear of the archbishop had not prevailed with them, I might have
342 MEMOIRS OP THE
been moderately dealt with : but he did, in a bitter invective ora- tion, represent me as a very odious and criminal person to the other counsellors, and aggravated my alleged crimes vehemently. To all which I replied, That I did acknowledge I was (though most unworthy) a minister of the gospel; and that I indeed preached frequently, as the Lord called me, and independently on the bishop : that the subjects of my discourses and sermons were not disloyal and traitorous principles and assertions, as the arch- bishop did allege, but, according as I was helped, I preached " re- pentance towards God, and faith towards Jesus Christ," and no other thing than what was contained in the Prophets and the New Testament : that I was so far from being terrified or ashamed to own that I was a minister of Christ, that although I was of no despicable extraction, yet that I gloried most in, and counted it the greatest honour I ever attained, to " serve God in the gospel of his Son :" that I never preached nor stirred up the people to sedition, and was indifferent though the principles of my heart were as visible and perceptible to their Lordships as the external linea- ments and tracts of my face, so as they might read what was engraven upon my heart : that for rising up in arms against the king upon pretext or pretence of religion, which the archbishop alleged I maintained, I told him he was therein abused by his in- feriors ; for I never knew of any, even the most zealous asserters of the liberties of the people, that did maintain rising in arms upon pretence of religion, pretences giving no ground or warrant for any man's action : that matters of prerogative and pri\dlege3 were things of a ticklish and thorny nature, and of which for the present I desired not to give my thoughts, not judging the same within my sphere now, nor called to meddle with : that, for such as did ordain me, I was not free to tell them, lest thereby I should bring others to trouble, although I should be most free as to matters concerning myself: that as I judged it not unlawful to preach the gospel either in houses or fields as conveniency did offer, but duty, and an ordinance of Christ's, (so far was I from judging those meetings " rendezvouses of rebellion," as the arch-
I
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343
bishop termed them,) so did I not acknowledge I at any time did preach in the fields ; and if they thirsted after my life, to take it away upon that account, they could not expect I should give or reach the weapon wherewith to destroy myself, or that I should be cither witness or accuser against myself in a matter the law had made so criminal ; and, therefore, for them to seek their proof and evidence elsewhere than from myself, for I was resolved none living should be able to make me guilty of such a weakness : that as for correspondence with any in the Bass, which the archbishop alleged, I declared, that, notwithstanding the bishop's bold and confident asserting the contrary, there was no such thing ; and, if there were, I should be content to suffer the severest punishments : I denied the charge of schism, and left it to be proven by the bishop : that, for my intercommuning, I was then sevenscore miles off when it was passed, and knew not of it, till I saw my name in the printed papers, and so could not prevent it ; and, after I was intercommuned, I coidd not get any person that would so much as draw a petition up for me, being stinctly charged to the contrary ; and that from this, and fear of further prejudice, and not from the contempt of the law, it was that I did not move to have myself taken out of the letters of intercommuning. In this and in all the premises I was free and ingenuous with them ; that I came not to justify my breeding before their Lordships, for I acknowledged I was a rude man, (for one of the Lords challenged me of unmannerliness and ill-breeding, that gave not the arch- bishop his titles.) And, finally. That I was now in their Lordships' power, and ready to submit to whatsoever then' Lordships should determine concerning me.
After this I was remanded to pi-ison again, but ordered to be kept more straitly than foiinerly : for my pockets were searched for letters, knives ; ink, paper, and pen, Avere taken and kept from me ; all company discharged : which filled me with some melancholy apprehensions. But in my darkness was the Lord a light round about me ; him they could not shut out from me : for that night did I get a most kindly and comfortable visit from the Lord Jesus, and I had one of the most sweet nights I had for ten years before
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that ; and lifted up, by the sense of the Lord's love and favour, above death, sin, hell, wrath, prelates, and Papists, about one or two o'clock in the morning I fell in a sound sleep, until a little be- fore six o'clock, I was awakened by one of the jailors, who cried to me to make myself ready against six o'clock to go to the Bass, for so the council had determined : which I very cheerfully obeyed ; and so, with another person that was prisoner with me, was I by a guard of twelve horse and thirty foot convoyed to the Bass, where we safely landed upon Wednesday morning, (being one night by the way,) and were delivered to the custody of the officer of that place, who commanded as governor therein a garrison of some eighteen or twenty soldiers.
The Bass is a very high rock in the sea, two mUes distant from the nearest point of the land which is south of it ; covered it is with grass on the uj)permost parts thereof, where is a garden where herbs grow, vnth some cherry trees, of the fruit of wliich I several times tasted. Below wliich garden there is a chapel for divine ser- vice ; but in regard no minister was allowed for it, the ammunition of the garrison was kept therein. Landing here is very difficult and dangerous, for if any storm blow, ye cannot enter because of the violence of the sweUing waves, which beat with a wonderful noise upon the rock, and sometimes in such a violent manner, that the broken waves, reverberating on the rock with a mighty force, have come up over the walls of the garrison on the com't before the prisoners' chambers, wliich is above twenty cubits height : and with a full sea must you land ; or if it be ebb, you must be either cranned up, or climb with hands and feet up some steps artificially made on the rock, and must have help besides of those who are on the top of the rock, who pull you up by the hand. Nor is there any place of landing but one about the whole rock, which is of cir- cumference some three quarters of a mile : here you may land in a fair day and full sea without great hazard, the rest of it on every side being so high and steep. Only, on the south side thereof the rock falls a little level, where you ascend several stej^s tiU you come to the governor's house, and from that some steps higher you ascend
REV. JAMES FRASEE. 345
to a level court, where a house for prisoners and soldiers is; whence likewise, by windings cut out of the rock, there is a path leading you to the top of the rock, whose height doth bear off all north, east, and west storms, lying open only to the south : and on the uppennost parts of the rock there is grass sufficient to feed twenty or twenty-four sheep, which are there very fat and good. In these uppennost parts of the rock were sundry walks of some threescore foot length, and some very solitary, where we sometimes entertained ourselves. The accessible places were defended with several walls and cannon placed on them, which compassed only the south parts. The rest of the rock is defended by nature, by the huge height and steepness of the rock, being some forty cubits high in the lowest place. It was a part of a country gentleman's inheritance, which falling from hand to hand, and changing many masters, it was at last bought by the king, who repaired the old houses and walls, and built some new houses for prisoners ; and a garrison of twenty or twenty-fom* soldiers therein are sufficient, if com'ageous, to de- fend it from millions of men, and only expugnable by hunger. It is commanded by a lieutenant, who does reap thereby some con- siderable profit, which, besides his pay, may be one hundred pounds a year and better. There is no fountain-water therein, and they are only served with rain that falls out of the clouds, and is pre- served in some hollow caverns digged out of the rock. Their drink and provisions are carried from the other side by a boat, which only waits on the garrison, and hath a salary of six pounds yearly for keeping up the same, besides what they get of those persons that come either to see the prisoners, or are curious to see the garrison. Here fowls of several sorts are to be found, which build in the clefts of the rock, the most considerable of which is the Solan- goose, whose young, well fledged, ready to fly, are taken, and so yield near one hundred pounds yearly, and might be much more were they carefully improved.
To this melancholy place I came, and continued there in prison for two years and a half; for I came in January 1677, and came out in July 1 679. And here I had likewise experience of the goodness
346 MEMOIRS OF THE
of God towards me ; and, 1. lu providing for me, without being chargeable to any for such things as I stood in need of. 2. In preserving and supporting me under great pressures of spirit from sin, sufferings, tentations, griefs, sorrows, and untendemess of brethren and friends, so as I was not therewith overwhehned. 3. In 23reserving me in health all that time. 4. That in this time, partly by selling household-plenishing and improving of my estate, I paid and cleared one hundred jjounds of debts. 5. I had the comfort and edification of fellow-prisoners, both ministers and others, some there before me, and others brought in since my com- ing, whose company was sweet and edifying many times to me. 6. We had Hberty, for the most part, of taking the air up the hiU ; my solitary walks were sometimes very pleasant to me. 7. I had the comfort of fi-iends that came in kindness to see us from the city and country. 8. I had some special visits from God, ordinarily in private duties, and sometimes in worshipping and conference with others. 9. Some increase (I think) I found in gifts, knowledge, and grace ; some further discoveries of the loiowledge of Clirist and the gospel I never had before. 10. I was made some way useful by writing of letters abroad, praying with, and preaching to, and conference with others. 11. And that I had a cleanly unex- pected deliverance fi'om this sad place, 12. Some improvement I made of this price that was put in my hand through grace that helped me : this I think I was boimd to take notice of, and be thankful for to the Lord.
As for my exercises here, and improvement of my time ; I judged, when I first came here, that I was called to some work and improve- ment of this price put in my hand : and therefore did I, 1. Exer- cise myself in lamenting my sins, and mis-spent life, and great shortcoming. 2. I laboured after, and desired some fiirther know- ledge of God and Christ and grace, and to glorify God in my suf- ferings. Some hours, morning and evening and mid-day, I spent in meditation, in praising, in reading the Scripture, for keeping up and increasing communion with God, and increase of grace, and this constantly ; besides several fast-days, which were my sweetest
REV. JAMES ERASER. 347
seasons and best times. 4. Every day I read the Scrlptiu'es, ex- horted and taught therefrom, did sing psalms, and prayed mth such of our society as our masters did allow and permit to worship God together, and this two times a day. 5. I studied Hebrew and Greek, and gained some knowledge in these Oriental languages. 6. I likewise read some divinity, and wrote a Treatise of Faith, with some other miscellanies, and several letters to Christian friends and relations. Thus I spent my time, and not without some fruit. But prisons must be prisons, and all afflictions, though never so weU sweetened, will be in some measm'c grievous. Though the Lord was pleased to " stay his rough wind in the day of his east wind," and to put a very light yoke upon our necks ; yet was it still a yoke, and some bitter ingredients were mixed in this cup, something of the gall and vinegar we found, both that the Lord might discover and manifest to the world the cruel and unclean natm*e of the spirit of prelacy, and that our patience and faith might be the better exercised, and our faithfidness to Christ, and, finally, to wean us from the world, and sweeten to us the love of God in supporting under such troubles and delivering us out of them. For, 1. It could not be but sad to me and my brethren to think that we were cast out of the vineyard, and become useless, our commission taken from us, and cordd not glorify God as we had done. 2. Absence from natural and civil relations and friends was bitter, whose company was sweet, and which now we could not enjoy. Now we might say, "Lover and friend hast thou removed from us," Psalm Ixxxvili. ult. 3. The company of the ungodly, to whose hands we were delivered, and who ruled over us, who knew nothing of God, but were enemies to him, was grievous ; that we lived among lions, wolves, and serpents, and dwelt in the tents of Kedar. 4. It was then the " days of old, when the candle of God shined upon oiu" tabernacle, when my wife, children, and relations were about me ; when I went with the multitude that kept holy days :" then (I say) did these things of old come and assault my remembrance with a sensible affecting grief. 5. Our own servants were turned out from us, and we made to seek servants whom we
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knew not ; but this turned to our good and great advantage. G. The great comfort that we had in worshipping of God together, and in eating together, was taken away from us by the folly and fears of some, and envy and malice of others, who grudged us this comfort, and who ruled us, and made us separate in worship and diet, and would not suffer us to come together, whereby our ex- penses were much increased, and we deprived of the benefit of the variety of gifts. 7. Om* letters that came to us, or were sent by us, were all looked many times, though they had no orders for it. 8. Our drink was dear and exceeding bad, and we behoved to take it from our governors, and pay exorbitantly for it. 9. Sometimes, when they would take it in their heads, they would shut us all close up, and not suffer any of us to speak to another, and this not only without, but contrary to the council's order, who committed us free prisoners, and to have the liberty of the rock. This un- warranted restraint did sometimes afilict us, but our patience over- came it. 10. They vexed us by mixing in om* company, and there blaspheming sometimes ; and other times seeking to ensnare us by the words of our lips, and tabling discom^se of public matters, which, seeing their mahcious ends, we shunned. 11. They laboured to debauch our servant-maids, the governor's son offering ten shil- lings to a soldier if he could get such a person with child who served some of us, of purpose to reflect upon us, and Avhich he effected, and was thereupon by the soldier challenged for his pro- mise ; insomuch that we could hardly get a servant-maid to wait upon us. 12. They by force and power kept the poor soldiers and others from conversing with or hearing us on the Lord's day, although the poor creatures would gladly have heard us. 13. At the same time, likewise, I was very untenderly handled by some false brethren engaged in the same public cause with ourselves. 14. We were sometimes in winter and spring very hardly put to it for want of victuals and drink, insomuch that we had no other than snow water or corrupted water sprinlded over with a little oat-meal to drink, and some dry fish. These with other things made oia- lives something, and at some times, bitter to us.
REV. JAJVIES FRASER. 349
We contmued thus some of us two years and a half. While the archbishop lived, no intermission or mediation of friends could get me out, although several means were tried, which all proved ineffectual, the council not accepting the engagements I would give, which were no other than compearing when called ; and I re- fusing their terms, Avhich were, that I should not preach in the fields any more, and that I should live peaceable and orderly according to law. Yet the Lord was pleased to answer my mind in some measure, that I should come out and be delivered, and that by giving great liberty and freedom to pray for it, and assimng and filling my soul with the hopes and faith of it, although for a great whUe I could not pray for my deUverance. At another time the Lord was pleased to renew my commission to preach the gospel, even a year before I was delivered, which made me think and AAT.'ite to my friends that I should be dehvered. And, lastly, I was made (from Jonah ii. ult., "And God spake to the fish, and it vomited Jonah on the dry land") to believe that the Lord would speak to this rock to give me with others of my brethren up ; and accordingly, when the fulness of the time came, I was delivered, even then when we all judged it most desperate ; " at evening it was light." For after the unhappy, rash, and unadvised attempts at Bothwell of some well-meaning people for recovering of their liber- ties, and shaking off the yoke of prelacy, and that our strength was broken and gone, such of us as were prisoners expecting every day when we should be brought out to be a sacrifice to the fury they were then in ; behold, at that time did the Lord incline the heart of the king (out of Avhat design we cannot certainly tell) to grant an Indidgence, and withal to command and order that such prison- ers as were not in accession to the late rebellion should be set at liberty, or who were sentenced merely for nonconformity. Upon which we were taken out of the Bass, and carried, to the number of eight or nine of us, to the Tolbooth of Edinburgh ; for though the king's orders did require we shoidd be freely set at liberty, yet would not the council let us go until we gave security to appear when called, under the penalty of five hundred and sixty pounds.
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There were about fourteen of us prisoners at the time, and in twenty-four hoiurs' space we found security for eight himdred pounds ; for we would not give obligement not to rise in arms, nor to forbear field-meetings, because we saw no law for it, and because it was conceived by us dishonourable, and to reflect upon our minis- try. Forth we came, and were set at liberty, to the joy of our friends ; and, while at liberty, I preached once every Lord's day, lived a wandering unsettled life. 'Whatever family I came to, I laboured to be sometliing useful there. I looked to my affau's, paid two thousand merks of debts at that time, and so continued until November 1681, that I with my cautioners were cited to appear before the council for preaching, as afterwards ye shall hear.
SECTION IT.
Of my second Imprisonment in Edinburgh and Blackness.
Now begun persecution to increase and wax hot against Dis- senters ; some ministers were taken and sent to the Bass ; the liberty the king had given for preaching, partly because it was not universally accepted but by some contemned, and partly by the prelates' persuasion, was recalled by the king. And when they had gotten us to forbear meetings in fields in hope of liberty to meet in houses, the king, who gave his indulgence but during pleasure, recalled and discharged his grant, and ordained the execu- tion of the laws against Dissenters ; and we, being out of the road of field-meetings, could never fall into it again. But though we did forbear field-conventicles, when once they had got us from that, they drove us from house-conventicles too. The Duke of York, being then in Scotland, did much concur with the prelates against Dissenters, so that never one of us that ever appeared had any favour shown to us ; and Dissenters were as much put to it as ever. Being South, as I returned I preached in a bam, to a good number of people on a Lord's day. The council got word of this, and it was informed against me that I preached in the fields, so that
REV. JAMES FRA8ER. 351
orders were given to cite me and my surety both to appear before the council ; but being informed better, and perceiving it was only a house-conventicle, their citation slept, and only spoke to my cau- tioner who was there, and who short while thereafter coming North, found me lying sick of an ague ; and told me how matters went, and that he was purposed to write to the Bishop of Edinburgh and the Lord Advocate concerning my case, and that I was very sick : which I earnestly dissuaded him from ; for I said, If the prelates hear I am sick, they will certainly cause cite me, in hopes that either I cannot appear, being sick, and so fall in the forfeiture of my bond of five hundred and sixty pounds, which they would gladly be in hands with ; or if I woidd appear, I might thereby endanger my life. This indeed I thought ; but my surety would not be counselled by me, but acquainted the bishop of my sickness, and that I preached not in the fields. The bishop no sooner re- ceived this letter, and by which he understood of my sickness, but incontinently he revives the citation, his brother being clerk to the council. Some prejudice they had at my surety, a gentleman of good estate, and who was judged something whiggish ; for he had been engaged in one thousand seven hundred pounds sterling for non- conformist ministers, and besides was of a name very odious to some great men. They thought (as was supposed) I would not appear, being sick, and the day of my appearance in the very dead time of winter, the twenty-second of December, upon which they would cause my siu'ety forfeit his bond. A citation was directed North, of which we heard word about the beginning of November, and did think fit to prevent the same. Many of my friends counselled me rather to forfeit the money than to go, for both they and myself had some apprehensions that the council intended to have my life ; for it was a time wherein the council was in a very bad humour, and at the very same time had found Lord Argyll guilty of treason for that Avhich truly to us, that knew not the law, seemed to have no affinity therewith, and to some of the chief lawyers of note like- wise. Moreover, I knew that preaching in the fields was death by the law to the minister ; and that the law declared, That if any
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person stood without to hear, though the minister and body of the people were ^vithin doors, that such a meeting was a field-meeting ; and it was impossible for me to hinder or know when persons were without, and I thought it hard to shut doors upon them, and had not freedom to do it. And besides all this, I Avas informed some notes of my sermon were in the council's hands, and thereupon in- tended to stage me and process me criminally ; and I knew not what they might make of popular discourses, though never so honestly meant. All these things made myself and friends have some fear of the danger of my hfe ; but notwithstanding, getting my head above the fear of death and power of men, I resolved upon aU hazards, and to ventm'e to appear ; and I was much encouraged in this by my sudden and unexpected recovery (and that without any means) of an ague that I kept but six weeks in aU. I not only recovered, but was so strengthened, that I durst undertake a jom*ney of such a length and so bad way in the midst of winter ; and truly I found the Lord so gracious, that though I had been sick short while be- fore, and that the weather was very bad, yet was I kept from any prejudice, and came the day before that of my appearance to Edui- burgh in good health, and my surety with me. And the day of my appearance happened to be the next day or second after the Earl of Argyll's escape, which did much put them in a bad humour. The council was surprised (as it seemed to me) when I appeared : and after some astonishment and silence, an indictment was com- manded to be read against me, charging me with preaching in the fields and without authority, and finally charging me with venting of principles that were pernicious, seditious, and rebellious, and tending to alienate the minds of his Majesty's subjects fi'om his government, and therefore ought to be severely punished to the teiTor of others. The advocate for the king did refer all to my oath. And being commanded by the President to depone whether I had preached any in houses or in fields since I came from the Bass ; and a few days respite to answer to the indictment, which I humbly and earnestly sought, in regard that I had a tedious long journey, bad weather, long sickness before, and my spirit disordered.
1
REV. JAMES ERASER. 353
that I could not give so satisfying an answer as otlierwase I would, and that I had come but yesterday to town, and had not time to consider the indictment, (having never seen the same nor heard it tUl it was read ;) I say, this respite being denied, I told them that I was ready to swear that I was innocent of what I was charged with in the indictment, and therefore desired I might have liberty to speak for myself, which was granted. Then did I discoui'se to them a large half hoiu' (without being interrupted) in answer to what I was charged with. My design in this was to prevent the torment of their questions, and likewise to state the true grounds of our sufferings, and vindicate myself and others of the imputations laid upon us by our enemies. The sum of what I said was, — After hearty and humble thanks returned for the liberty of speaking for myself, I protested. That I endeavoured to discharge what I con- ceived my duty "svith as little offence to authority as I could ; and that, were the things I was called in question about such as I could come and go upon, relating only to my own person or interest in the woi'ld, I should be loath to be heard with their Lordships, but refer myself and these things wholly to their disposal : That I should be short, ingenuous, and clear, in my answer for myself: That to the first and second head of preaching without authority and in the fields, I had acknowledged I had preached, and was neither ashamed or terrified to own this ; but that I preached not in the fields since I came out of the Bass, nor yet without author- ity, seeing I was called by God and such of his servants as I verily did believe had power from Christ for that effect ; and, therefore, was the first part of my indictment elided and answered : That as to my preaching seditious principles, I might, with a good con- science, deny it ; and because that both myself and others were slandered and defamed as persons of disloyal and antlmagistratical principles, I should therefore give an account of what principles were maintained by myself and them, and what my practices were : That as to doctrines, and dogmatical points, and articles of religion, my faith was contained in, and according to, the Scriptures of the Old and New Testament ; that I was of the reformed Protestant
VOL. II. z
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religion, and did approve, and was ready to subscribe to that Con- fession of Faith in King James his time, and ratified (I supposed) by the present current Parliament : That as to the King's Majesty's authority and power, I acknowledged magistracy an ordinance of God, and the present King's authority, whose subject and ser- vant I was, and obliged to submit to, reverence and esteem, whom, for any thing relating to my person or estate, I never was resolved to resist ; but how far his power extended, or in what subject it was first placed, or how conveyed, I thought not so much my part as that of lawyers to determine. For the king's power in ecclesi- astical matters, I acknowledged the persons of ministers and other ecclesiastical persons subject to him ; and that he had a jurisdiction civil, reaching to not only civil but likewise spiritual things, which he was to judge, that so he might, as the nursing-father of the Church, either encourage, or punish, or restrain in a coercive way, and that not implicitly, relying on the judgment of, or seeing with others' eyes ; and that he might call synods when and where he pleased, and propose his mind to them, whose duty it not only was, but wisdom, to take the magistrate's concurrence A^•hen it might be had ; but that it was undeniable, this power of the magistrate's was not privative of any intrinsical power of the Church, granted to her by Christ, for preserving and edifying of herself; which, therefore, in case of the magistrate's opposition to the truth, or want of access to him through distance of place or other casual emergencies, they might exercise without him, as was clearly seen in the times of the heathen, Arian, and Roman em- perors. That as to the government of the Church, it was true that I did not close with that form of government by archbishops and bishops now established in the kingdom, and therefore could never concur with or submit to the same any manner of way ; but what- ever my dissatisfaction therewith was, or opposition thereto, I never opposed it but with spiritual weapons. And as for my practice, Ii can say, I have endeavoured to keep a good conscience, both beforej God and men, to live unblameable and peaceably, giving " to Godl what was God's, and to Cesar what was Cesar's ;" was never inanyj
REV. JAMES FRASER. 355
insurrection, rebellion, or conspiracy against his Majesty's per- son or government, nor never stirred up others thereto, but rather to Hve peaceably, and by repentance, reformation, testimony for God, quietness and confidence, and other spiritual means, to expect deliverance ; not by m-itating of the riders, to make their bonds heavier, by taking the sword, and resisting by force ; and this both publicly in sermons and privately in discourses. These, therefore, being our principles, which we are not ashamed of, but ready to defend, it is a wonder to me how I or any sober person of our way come to be challenged for seditious principles and practices, or charged with them. If these principles be innocent, then is the second and great part of my libel, referred to my oath, elided. And, finally, I prayed the Lord to bless his Majesty with aU liis blessings both spiritual and temporal ; that he might be a terror to evil-doers, an encouragement to the good ; that the throne might be estabhshed in righteousness.
After this discourse, to which they hearkened very patiently, I was asked. Whether I preached since I came out of the Bass ? To which I replied, I would answer to what I was charged with in my libel or indictment, which was not that I preached, but that I preached without authority, and seditiously ; which I did deny. They inquired me very earnestly and pressingly. Who ordained me ? I told them, I coidd not be free to tell them, seeing it con- cerned others whom I was not to stage ; but that I had lawful and good authority, and that then* Lordships coidd not compel me to answer to that matter : nor judged I myself bound to answer thereto, because it was res hactenus judicata, for which I was formerly questioned, and satisfied the law for ; and therefore could not now again be called in question for the same faidt. And, see- ing that my commission to preach was before the act of grace, any crune therein (if any was) was by the act of grace purged : and, besides, the same not being in my indictment, I was not bound to answer thereto. I Avas removed ; and after some debate among themselves, (for many of the counsellors were much taken with my discourse and defence I made, and voted that I might be let fro,) the matter being left to the bishops, I was called in, and
356 MEMOIRS OF THE
received the following sentence : To be sent to prison to Black- ness, and to continue there until I paid the fine of five thousand merks, and give security not to preach any more, or go off the kingdom. And my guard was ready to convey me to be sent to the common jail of Edinburgh, and there to remain.
Many of the by-standers (for there were multitudes there) were surprised at the severity of the sentence ; yea, some of the privy council talked publicly, that I had met with hard measure. Well, I came to the jail, and had a chamber the best in the prison ; the keeper and under-keepers of the prison of Edinburgh were very discreet and civil ; I had abundance of visits every day from some good people and persons of quality. When I first came, I examined my ways and carriage, and found matter both of humiliation and thanksgiving unto the Lord : I saw ground to bless God, that I vindicated the Lord's people from the aspersions cast upon them of bad principles ; I boldly and fi'eely, to the conviction of all, owned our principles ; and I likewise desu'ed not only to speak for myself, but to honour God : I saw ground of humiliation for many failings in me, which did confound me ; yet was glad if the gospel did not receive prejudice by me. I got little good done ; for I ordinarily slept till seven in the morning ; and after supper, which was at eight o'clock, I was drowsy ; and all day over I was diverted with visits : yet I got my speech written, and some letters, and preached twice every Lord's day to the prisoners, and some few who were suffered to come in. Twice did I supplicate for my liberty while I was in Edinburgh, but could not obtain it, because of the bishops and the clerk of the council, the bishop's brother, who was my great enemy, though I never disobhged liim in my lifetime.
After I had continued six weeks in Edinbm'gh, I was sent to Blackness, convoyed by four or five gentlemen of the guard, where I continued seven weeks. Ignorance, youth, and fear of man, made the governor of this place not so discreet as otherwise he would be to me. For, first, he kept me in a manner a close prisoner ; another had still the key of my chamber, though I could command
KEV. JAMES FRASER. 357
him to come and open It when I pleased, and which was not according to the council's order. Next, he would be frequently drunk, and then was guilty of some extravagancies ; he likewise kept back many of my friends from coming to see me, which did pique me at him : and the first night he was so indiscreet, as to put me into a gousty, cold, wide, dark, filthy, smoky room, where I could not have lived six days, if I had therein'continued, for smoke, darkness, melancholy, and cold, although at the same time he had better rooms ; but his lady, though a child not above fourteen years, and another gentleman that came along with me, prevailed so far with him as to change my room, and then was I very well. Here I continued seven weeks, doing little good, but longing and praying for deliverance out of that sad place, which the Lord thus brought to pass. My brother-in-law, imknown to me, presented a supplication to the council in my behalf, desiring my fine might be remitted, myself ordered to be set at liberty, some competent time allowed me to settle my affau's in Scotland, seeing I was content to submit to their Lordships' sentence of banishment. Which sup- plication (the Duke of York and bishop with his brother being away and gone to England) was easUy granted by the council : an order was sent to the governor of Blackness immediately to set me at liberty ; a month was given me to settle my affairs ; whereupon I was much sooner than I thought set at liberty, andjat a time when I little thought of it, and my liberty burdened with no clog or sinfid engagement by my cautioner, who oidy bound that I should remove out of the kingdom (and not return without king or council's leave) within such a day.
SECTION V.
Of my Banishment.
I did not know any thing of what my fi-iends had done for me, nor coidd blame them for what they had done. The terms were honest upon which I was to come out ; liberty was desirable,
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though in a strange countiy, and preferable to Imprisonment at home. I looked upon wicked folk, though Scotsmen, as the greatest aliens, foreigners, and strangers to me ; a godly man in England or Ireland is more my countryman than a wicked Scotsman. Besides, by being at liberty, I should be in greater capacity to glorify the Lord than under restraint, where I could not see a godly person, nor be anywise useful save by a few letters. And I saw much of the mercy of God, that without paying a fine, or engaging to any sinful terms, the council should have given orders for my liberation.
But notwithstanding of all this, when I thought upon my case, banishment was grievous and burdensome to me : shall I leave then (said I) my native country ? shall I leave, and never see mother, children, brethren, sisters, and kindly friends and relations, and spend the residue of my days among strangers, to whom I wall be as a barbarian ? What care will they take of me ? how shall I be maintained ? Will any little thing, that after payment of debts my estate can spare, be sufficient for me to live upon In a place where all things are at a dear rate ? Truly all those con- siderations, and such like, did make banishment no light thing to bear, and wish that I never had come out of prison, and^ In my heart to censure and think hardly of these who procm'ed me my liberty ; yea, such thoughts would for some whole nights keep me waking.
But, addressing myself to the Lord, and pom-Ing out my troubled soul (as it was ordinary for me to do in such cases) to the Lord, I found that this storm calmed ; and the consideration of God's providence over and propriety In all places, experience of former favours, and especially that word, " Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life," did sweetly stay my heart. And being made and called of God to wander from my father's house, and land of my nativity, to a land God woidd show me, I laboured to fit myself for my journey, and to " take ujd my cross :" and the Lord so blest my endeavours, as in a short time I settled
liEV. JAMES FHASER. 359
all my civil iiftliirs, and was ready to come away at the time pre- fixed.
So as, leaving Scotland and all friends there, I directed my com'se for London about the latter end of May 1682 ; and after some stops, and dangers by sea, I safely arrived there Jvme 16th, 1682. My voyage was much alleviated by the company of another countryman who came alongst with me, whose company was much satisfying to me. I brought not above twenty pounds of silver and gold with me to London, but the Lord I found was with me in aU places where I was driven ; for I had both meat and wages. I did resolve, indeed, as sensible of my own weakness, to forbear preaching, and any public work ; as likewise, to settle myself after long and great tossings, to improve, in a private abstract station, my spu-itual condition. But God did thwart this ; for the more I endeavoured this way, the worse 1 became : and likewise, at the same time, I had calls to preach at several places, some of which I closed Avith, and found more of spmtual good and advantage to my soul than in private exercises. Wherefore I resolved to follow that way, and did every night preach and pray in a private family, where some five or six neighbours at night did ordinarily resort ; every Lord's day I preached to a gathered church in fellowship with Mr C, from whom I had ten shilhngs for every sermon ; at other times I likewise preached to others, but freely. And truly the Lord gave me to find both great favour and respect from the Enghsli, and more than many others did, and whom I found to be as genteel, tender-hearted, and generous people as ever I con- versed with. Some of them I found very notional, and much taken up with fancies, dreams, and singular opinions : of these I foimd some favom'able at the beginning ; but despairing to gain me to their opinion, and finding the aversion of my heart to these fancies, they became my enemies, and did labour to break my reputation as much as they could. I lived the first seven months upon my own charges for all things ; but afterwards I had a call fr'om a widow-gentlewoman to stay in her family, to pray, and sometimes exhort and preach. From her I had lodging and diet
360 MEMOIRS OP THE
free, and in whose house I prayed, read, and expounded Scripture twice a-day ; and thus continued till the 21st of July 1683, that I was apprehended, and imprisoned in Newgate for six months, for refusino; the Oxford oath.
SECTION VI.
Of my third Imprisonment.
Upon the 20th or 21st Jidy 1683, about the time that a plot against the king's person and government was discovered, and some three or fom- days after my Lord Russel's execution ; at ten o'clock I was expeding a certain business with a gentleman in Cheapside, and one JMr A., one of the king's messengers, searching for suspected persons in that very house where I was, and par- ticularly for one ISir Sands, meeting me as I came down, and knowing me to be a stranger, and suspecting me as some disaffected person, did presently secure me by a constable, and brought me to his own house, kej^t me close prisoner some five or six horn's, and thereafter brought me before some of the council : there were the king, the Duke of York, L. K., L. S., and some others I know not. After some frivolous immaterial questions relating to my nation, and when I came here, where I lodged, and some others of that nature, I was asked. What I knew or heard of a plot against his majesty at any time? I rephed. That I knew nothing of a plot against his majesty's person or government, nor heard any thing but what Avas discovered since that plot did break out, nor knew nor heard any thing I could make them the wiser by ; that I was no public person, nor frequenter of cabals or coffee-houses ; that I know not any one person, cither accusers or accused, in that plot ; that I always lived peaceably, and was never accessory to any plot or insurrection that ever was ; that in my judgment (which I declared) I was against all violent attempts against his majesty or government ; and that it was not likely any who had such designs, knowing my principles, would communicate ought to
REV. JAMES TEASER. 361
me of it ; yea, that I always shunned discourses of that nature. Thereafter I was asked by his majesty, What I judged of the Archbishop of St Andrew's murder, whether I judged it so or not ? I answered. That for myself I had no accession thereto, but was very grieved when I heard it ; and I woidd not justify or have had any hand in it for the whole world : so for me to condemn it as (and to declare it) murder, was I not free ; for being a doer of the law only, and not a judge of the law, I conceived it as out of my sphere to give judgment of another person's actions, whether they were murderers or not : that this I confessed belonged to his majesty and officers of justice, who were judges of the law, but to me it did not ; especially being a stranger to the fact, and legal evidences of the natiu'e, manner, and circumstances of the same not being adduced, it was hard for me or any person to give judgment one way or other of the said fact. And for my thoughts of it, that God had appointed a solemn court at the last day for judging of actions, words, and thoughts, before which court alone it was com- petent (I thought) to give account of thoughts ; and, therefore, referring myself as to my thoughts to that coiu't only, I was not free to give account to any human judicatory whatever of them ; to whom yet I heartily submitted in the expressions and actions to be judged. And, finally, Though I was not afraid his majesty knew what were my thoughts in the matter, yet would not be a precedent to any of his subjects to be made to give an account of thoughts judicially, especially relating to other persons ; and there- fore to have me excused. Then the king was pleased to ask me. Whether I judged myself bound by the solemn league and cove- nant ? and whether I thought there Avas any thing of moral obhga- tion therein ? I answered, that for my part, I never took that cove- nant, nor was it ever tendered to me ; but what Avas of moral import in it, I judged I was bound thereto, although I myself never took it ; and that, however the Avords of the decalogue and the covenant Avere not the same, yet might the covenant be reduced to it, as materially the same with the decalogue : that I remembered tAvo chief articles of the covenant, the one aa as " reformation of our
o02 MEMOIKS OF THE
hearts and lives according to the word of God;" and tliis I tliouglit might be easily reduced to every precept of the decalogue, each of which tied us to reformation and repentance. Another article I con- ceived to be in the covenant was, That we should " mamtain and defend the king's just privileges, his person, and government ;" and this, as I judged, might easily be reduced to the decalogue ; so did I judge myself by the word of God, laws of the land, yea, and covenant itself, though never taken by me personally, bound to. After this I was asked some questions concerning my acquaintance with several persons, as JVIi" Fergusson, the Cesnocks, JVIr Munro, IVIr Baillie of Jerviswood, and others ; to which I gave a true, full, ingenuous answer, and was after commanded to remove. What were their thoughts of me, I know not ; but it seems they were satisfied I was not in the plot, nor could tell them ought of it, and that I dealt ingenuously with them ; and yet were not willing to let me go so, but referred me to the lord mayor, and ordered him to put the oath of allegiance, supremacy, and Oxford oath to me.
The next day, therefore, I appeared before the lord mayor, and was much grieved and troubled that my trials should be stated on the oaths of allegiance and supremacy : for I had neither clear- ness to take them both, especially the oath of supremacy ; nor yet was I so willing to suffer upon the account of refusing them, as being a dark case to me. But, when the messenger told me I was ordered to take the three oaths, my heart was very glad, as being- very clear to suffer for refusing the Oxford oath ; wherein a man is bound, besides other things, not to endeavour to make any altera- tion in the government either in state or church, which I thought hard to swallow. Wherefore, when asked by my lord mayor, whether I would take the said oaths, after I had asked whether Queen Elizabeth's explication might be read to me, and proposed some reasons why I conceived myself not bound by law to take the said oaths, and overruled therein ; at last my answers did issue in this, That as for the oath of allegiance, I was willing to take it, so that it would end the strife ; for the oath of supremacy I de- murred upon it, until I advised better ; and for the Oxford oath.
REV. JAMES FRASEK. 363
I simpliciter refused it presently : but, if I had not benefit by the oath of allegiance, I would take none of them at all ; and in the meantime desired, if they committed me, to do it upon refusing the Oxford oath : which carried by the lord mayor's indulgence, and Sir J. E., who spake in my favours very much against the common Serjeant's mind, who pressed much that I should be com- mitted for refusing all the oaths. So an order was drawn, and I sent to Newgate.
In Newgate I continued six lunary months, or twenty-four weeks. Here I had experience of the Lord's goodness and mercy, which did never leave me. I had, short while after I came, one of the best rooms in the prison, in which any person might lodge ; a large, cleanly, lightsome, square room it was, and off the ground as ye come in. The captain and under-keepers were all very civil to us, carrying both wisely and discreetly. I kept my health very well all the time I was there. We had comfortable fellowship with fellow-prisoners, who might see one another all day ; some I perceived notional, unlearned, yet obstinate. I stood at the greatest distance with free-willers ; but such as I had greatest con-: verse with were those of om' OAvn persuasion, who were truly the most sober and learned that were there. In general, I found all of them civil. "We were abundantly refreshed and supplied by numbers of all ranks and persuasions (save Quakers) that came in to see us. We wanted nothing. So that I could hardly call it suffering. Only this was sad to us, and which made me desirous to be gone and at liberty, that, 1. We had no occasion of doing good to others, for we preached none while there ; for we were not suffered, nor others to come in to us. 2. It was grievous to me especially, that I had no occasions nor opportunities for retu'ement ; for having a chamber-fellow with me, and all day oppressed with visitants, I coiJd not in the twenty-four hours command one for myself. Wherefore I did little or no good here, and got as httle ; only I gave my testimony for Clmst, and had experience of the Lord's goodness. When the number of my weeks were fulfilled, I was without further work put at liberty, the turnkey getting word
364 MEMOIRS OF THE
only from the captain to set me at liberty, and let me out when I pleased. So taking iny leave of the captain, and thanking him for his civilities, I came out ; my expenses in all not reaching above twenty pounds.
SECTION VII.
Observations upon my Sufferings.
(1.) That such as ^viU live godly in the world must and will suffer persecution, for the trial and exercise of their faith and patience, purging away of their dross, and for weaning their hearts from a present world, and for confirmation of the truth, 2 Tim. iii. 12 ; 1 Pet. iv. 12 ; John xv. 3. (2.) Although at some times there be more or less of persecution, yet there is no time in which the saints shall be without daily crosses ; for a wicked world will persecute with the tongue, even in Abraham's family, where piety did obtain, Gal. iv. 28, 29 ; Gen. xxi. 9. Even when religion was favom'ed, I found persecution by reproach, and contempt of wicked men. (3.) There are some special days of persecution, when hell breaks loose, and Avhen great trials come, which are called " the hour of tentation," and " the evil day, the horn' and power of darkness," Eev. iii. 10; Eph. vi. 13; Luke viii. 13, 22, 25. (4.) The Lord " stayeth his rough wind in the day of his east wind," Isa. xxvii. 8. He many times puts an end to the extremities of his people's personal trials ere he exercises with pubUc sufferings ; he " lays not on men more than is meet," and therefore suffers not a multi- tude of evils to lie upon his poor people at once, 1 Cor. x. 10. (5.) God fii'st (I find) ordinarily exercises with personal afflic- tions, ere he call them to sufferings on account of Christ, that, being exercised with the one, they may better bear the other. (6.) I find that the Lord doth many times affright us with ti'oubles which never come upon us, as he did to Nineveh ; and we are made to fear that which the mercy of God never suffers to touch us, Jonah i. 3. (7.) But seldom or never doth a great personal
REV. JAMES ERASER. 365
or public stroke come upon the Lord's people, but he gives them some warning, and notice of it before-hand, that we be not surprised, but prepared for it, Zeph. ii. 1, 2, 3, 4. (8.) Ob- stinacy in sin and impenitency, and the removing of God's pre- cious people, with security under this, have had greatest influence upon my fears of a day of desolation, Isa. Ivii. 12 ; Ezek. xi. 3, 4 ; Isa. ix. 4, 5. (9.) Our fears, unbeliefs, and discouragements, with our confusions, are our greatest troubles in a day of trouble ; it is a prison within a prison, Psal. cxlii., " O bring my soul out of trouble." Our galled sore backs make our burdens more grievous to us — sin and unbehef are bad ballast in a storm. (10.) The cross of Christ, when we once engage with it, is nothing so terrible, is nothing so heavy as at a distance in apprehension it is. How dreadful did a prison and appearing before synagogues appear to me ! But, when I did encounter therewith, I found it nothing so terri- ble to me. (11.) I was never in that trouble yet upon the account of Christ, but I was dehvered out of it by the Lord, and that when it seemed very desperate to look for salvation, Psal. xxxiv. 19, " The troubles of the righteous are many, but the Lord delivereth out of them all." "We are to believe deliverance from all our trovibles, though we cannot tell when or how. (12.) Nothing con- tributes more to a Christian carriage under trouble, than faith of God's support in and deliverance out of trouble, James v. 7, 8. Unbelief sinks the heart. (13.) It is matter of great humiliation to us, that our troubles and afflictions do us but little good sometimes, that we are so unfruitfiU under the rod : and especially I observe, that small troubles have but small influence ; every physic doth not work with strong constitutions. My lighter troubles, whether upon a personal or more public account, I found but little good by them. It was a deep heart-reaching stroke that did me good : and in times of greatest fears, sharpest afflictions, it was ever still best with me ; and at first afflictions do not so much good, it is after- wards that they reap " the peaceable fruits of righteousness," Heb. xii. And, even when the Lord blesses them to do good, the fruit, alas ! is but small ; Ave are not so good under them as we ought to
366 MEMOIRS OF THE
be or might. (14.) I have observed, the more the Lord's people are afflicted and persecuted, the more they grow ; and the gospel never thrives better than when it is persecuted, Exod. i. 12 ; Phil, i. 12. Such things as happened to me have been " for the fur- therance of the gospel." All the malice of men could never have broken us, if we had not undone ourselves ; they " plowed with our heifer:" for the spreading of the gospel was the effect of a long time of their greatest severities. (15.) Persecutors are un- godly, are cruel, are deceitful ; and this did I see evidently, all per- secutors have these three properties : and therefore let us beware of such persons, and keep at the utmost distance with them, and expect no good from them ; let us not lean on them who smite us ; let us suspect all their favom's, for " the kisses of an enemy are deceitful ;" but let " our eyes be only to the Lord." (16.) Too great love, respect to, intimacy and communion vdth wicked men, and not standing at due distance with them, provokes the Lord to give his people into the hands of the wicked. The Israelites' wicked confederacy with the Canaanites made them " briers and thorns in their sides ;" had we carried to the ungodly as we ought to have done, we should not have smarted as Ave do this day. (17.) It is a very great comfort to a godly person, that his per- secutors and enemies are God's enemies, and wicked persons : " Let my enemies be as the wicked," saith Job. We may expect good hearing from God against them. It doth much likewise to determine us in om* duties, that what they are for must be ill, and what they are against must be good : and, notwithstanding of the confidence of some compilers, it is strange that in almost six thou- sand years one instance from Scriptm-e or authentic history cannot be given. (18.) Under public sufferings we are mostly called to submission and patience, both in reference to God and men : " In patience possess your souls;" and to Christian cheerfulness. Oh, what a comely thing is it to see a meek sufferer, like the Master, " not opening his mouth," but " dumb as a sheep is before the shearer!" And how ordinarily do men fall in this great sin of impatience ? And cheerfulness under the cross of Christ is no less
REV. JAMES ERASER. 367
beautiful ; and therefore how frequent such precepts and examples, to "glory, rejoice in tribulation?" for this gives a good report of Clu-ist, his cause and cross to others. (19.) Sufferings on pub- lic accounts are not only our duty, but our great privilege ; to suffer for Christ is one of Christ's love-gifts, Phil. i. ult., " It is given you to suffer for the name of Christ." To give testimony for Christ and his truth is our greatest honour. A sufferer and witness for Christ is the most honourable person and officer in the kingdom of Christ ; it is Clirist's highest and honom-ablest emj)loyment, Acts v., " They rejoiced they were counted worthy to suffer shame for Christ." (20.) Reproach and shame, and ill-will of men, is the heaviest of Christ's crosses to bear : " Reproach hath broken my heart," saith David. (21.) It is the great guilt of pro- fessors this day, that they not only shun the ways of God, but are ashamed of them, and of the cross of Christ, yea, and of the truths of Christ ; of such will Christ be ashamed. (22.) It is a very hard matter to get our sufferings stated upon Christ's account, but yet it is very necessary we get it done ; for many objections doth a poor suffering soul meet with in this case, as possibly not so clear to many as the matter of the sufferings of Chris- tians under heathens, and of Protestants imder Papists. Nor is the call to such a thing clear at such a time ; some sinful accession of our own (through want of consideration or mistake) to om* trouble, sense of guilt and unworthiness, doth render our cause dark to us many times. That as it was said of these, " Ye did not fast to me," so may it be said of us, Ye suffer not to me, nor for me, but for your sins and yourselves. (23.) Outward trouble from the hands of persecutors may be both a rod and cor- rection for sin, and a testimony for Christ and his truth. The Lord Jesus may by one rod design both the correction and chastisement of his Church and people, and hkewise design a confirmation and witness to his truth, cause, and work. Heb. xii. 12, the public sufferings of the believing Hebrews were " chastisements for our profit." (24.) We by our sins therefore may provoke the Lord to deliver us into the hands of men, and by our weakness we
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may have some sinful hand and occasion thereto, and great failings attending our sufferings ; and yet Christ accept of our sufferings, so maimed, as a testimony for liim. (25.) Whatever pretext wicked persecutors make of afflicting God's people, and that they be schis- matic, scandalous, seditious, that they walk disorderly; yet the true ground of their quarrel is because of their enmity to God and godliness ; and therefore we may be assured we suffer for Christ and for his cause : " All these things will they do unto you, because the love of the Father is not in them." And David saith, that all his enemies' quarrel with him was, " because he followed after that which was good." It is the enmity that is between the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman. Gen. iii. 1 5 ; Matth. xxiii. 33 ; John xv. 19, 21. (26.) I observe, that the Lord doth accept of the faithful ends and endeavours, and honest intention and zeal of his people, when the methods and particular means and courses they take for witnessing for Christ are sometimes not altogether justifiable ; as he who scruples through want of light an oath in itself lawful, out of zeal for the glory of God which he fears by taking this oath he wrongs, and thereupon suffers, this man's suf- ferings are accepted of Christ as a testimony for him. (27.) The controversy this day is as manifestly stated betwixt Christ and the devil, sin and godliness, whether the world should be Chi-ist's sub- jects, or the devil's and sin's subjects, as ever it was. The smaller differences, though in themselves of no great consequence, yet centre in this great gulf of rebellion against God. To touch any thing belonging to this wicked generation, Christ's stated enemies, or to have ought ado with them, is dangerous. Numb. xvi. 26 ; and they are the emissaries of Satan, and doing his work, who plead for union and compliance with them. (28.) Yet ought not the mis- carriages of superiors dissolve the civil or natm'al bonds of relation to them, Matth. xxiii. 1, 2. We are to do, and be submissive to, the commands of superiors, though we be not to Imitate their prac- tice. (29.) Man's wi-ath, and all persecution, shall tend and work to the praise of God and the good of saints, Psal. Lxxvi. 10 ; Isa. xxxi. 9, and this is a marvellous consolation. (30.) Many a time
KEV. JAMES ERASER. 3G9
miiy wo, in a public stroke of persecution, see our sin and guilt clearly and legibly written, as in Adonibezek, Judges i. ; Gen. xix. Such as burned with unnatural lust to one another are justly con- sumed with fire from heaven : and it is just that lovers, whom we preferred to Christ, be the instruments of our greatest trouble. (31.) Many times do the people of God find great favour and kind- ness at the hands of natural men, yea, and more sometimes than from the truly godly : the earth helped the woman many times. I found some professors of religion stood at greater distance Avith me, than did mere natural and graceless persons. (32.) The preservation of some, of a remnant in a day of straits, is exceeding wonderful and marvellous sometimes. (33.) " The wicked are snared in the work of their own hands," Psal. ix., and Hamans hanged on their own gallows. The Lord makes the weapons of the wicked recoil on themselves; every mean for a good while they take in hand doth but weaken them, and increase the other party. (34.) It is the people of God that only can undo and harm themselves ; and it is by divi- sion that it is done : while we stood in one spirit, we could not be overcome or prevailed against ; but false brethren crept in amongst us, divided and broke us through the subtilty of adversaries, and did draw us to rash enterprises. (35.) The greatest consolations do attend the greatest tribulations, 2 Cor. i. 5, 6. (36.) The first brunt of the cross is saddest and sharpest : " No affliction for the present seemeth joyous, but grievous." (37.) Great outward troubles, whether personal or on public accounts, quicken and re- vive our apprehensions (rf eternity. (38.) And always do us good ; though not alike good to aU, nor so sensibly, yet no cross but we get some good of it. (39.) I found it very hard to appear before councils, and carry rightly. We seek rather to save ourselves in any lawfid way, than to honour and give testimony for Christ ; and there is not boldness and dependence on Christ for assist- ance. (40.) There is not so much of the " Spirit of glory resting upon" sufferers as hath been formerly : which I think flows from these three; 1. That our testimony for Christ is not so glorious ; 2. That a sadder shock is coming ; and, lastly, That A^OL. TT. 2 A
370 MEMOIRS OF THE REV. JA3IES FRASER.
our suiFerlngs are so moderate. (41.) Yet, blessed be the Lord, for my part I have found the Lord in a special way vdth. me in all my sufferings, and I never repent of any thing I have suffered for Christ. (42.) Though the Lord can sanctify and bless any lot to his people, yet, to speak absolutely, an afflicted condition in the world is best for God's people. (43.) The infinite condescendence of God, and his gracious and tender nature;, is that only which can be a bottom to our faith ; to believe we suffer for Christ, and as such to be accepted and looked upon by him. (44.) There is a large allowance for sufferers for righteousness ; but many live not upon their allowance, and therefore look so ill upon it.^
1 It is believed that Fraser continued to record the incidents of his life sub- sequent to the period here referred to ; but though frequent search has been made, no Diaries or Journals have been discovered. It is kno^Yn that he even- tually returned to his native country, and was settled as minister at Culross.
A
TRUE RELATION
OF THE
LIFE AND SUFFERINGS
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL,
HIS LAST TESTIMONY TO THE TRUTH ;
A SHORT ACCOUNT OF HIS LAST WORDS ON THE SCAFFOLD, DECEMBER 4, M.DC.LXXXV.
NOTE.
The information contained in the following " Relation" deserves to be preserved, as forming an instructive chapter in the history of tlie period to which it refers. Wodrow has collected various additional par- ticulars regarding Nisbet, and embodied them in his History of the Sufferings of the Church of Scotland. From other quarters farther in- formation might have been collected ; but this reprint of so much authen- tic matter will convey an accurate notion at once of the man and of his era. There are few, perhaps, who would now approve of all the senti- ments emitted bj John Nisbet ; but there can be as few who do not admire the fortitude with which he endured for what he reckoned the truth, and the patience with which he suffered rather than consent to violate his conscience, or compromise his convictions. It is for this rea- son that the Relation is put into the hands of the Members of the Wodrow Society. It is reprinted from the Second Edition, dated M.DCC.XIX.
TO THE READER.
Christian Readee,
: T has been reputed amongst tlie truly godly, as a thing
: o o o o o <)
-iM T S'l edifymg, confirming, and comforting in all ages, to read ^'^ \ of tlie holy lives, dying words, and testimonies to and
'05
^ for the truth of those .^hom the great Jehovah, the Lord God of all truth, hath fitted, qualified, and enabled, by his divine, distinguishing, glorious, and victorious grace, and in provi- dence called to give testimony to and for his despised and trampled upon truths in declining and apostatising times ; for they are that noble cloud of witnesses that we are encompassed about Avith, and whom we are obliged to copy after, in mourning for, giving up with, and forsaking of sin and all sinful courses, and in closing with, embracing of, and laying hold upon the Lord Jesus Chi-ist for par- don of sin, justification through his righteousness, and sanctification through and by the Spirit of his saving grace ; and unless that we, through grace, attain this, and become martyrs in resolution, we can have little ground to expect that our course shall be crowned with joy, or that we shall be ranked in with the seed of the woman, when the Lord makes up his precious jewels of mercy; but rather rejected, forsaken, and turned out with the serpent and his seed, who hath made war with the saints of the Most Hifjh. That there hath been such a war, and that such hath been the end of the two contending parties, each under their captain and leader, to wit, the saints under the banner of their Lord Jesus Christ, the noble Plant of renown ; and the wicked reprobate, under the banner of their indulged head, the old crooked serpent, as is foretold of them. Gen.
376 TO THE READEK.
ill. 15, Avill evidently appear, if we shall read, with observation and application, the sacred Scriptures, and Mirror or Martyrology of Martyrs through all ages or periods of the Church, particularly the first that suffered under the heathen emperors for asserting Christ's prophetical office. 2dly, Such as suffered under the cruel and bloody Antichrist for owning Christ's priestly office. 3dly, Those who suffered under the monstrous brood of counterfeit Protestants, tools of Antichrist, since the year 1610, but more especially since the year 1600, under these two fomenters of wickedness, Charles the II. and James the VII., for owning and avouching Christ's kingly office as King and Head of his own Church, Avho loved not their lives unto the death, but fi-aukly and freely gave them up in sacrifice, bearing testimony against the sacrilegious supremacy and other abominations of these iniquitous reigns ; amongst the number of which this John Nisbet was one, with many others, the reading of whose lives and testimonies, when well considered, how far their good and gracious Lord was with them, in assisting and bearing them through all their tribulations with invincible courage, patience, and constancy, may make us with wonder and admiration to cry out, " O the height, the depth, the breadth, and length of the love of the blessed Lord Jesus Christ which constrained them." The design of publishing this Martyr s Life and Testimony the last year, 1718, was, that God might be glorified, and the souls of his people might be edified : and it having found more than ordinary acceptance, is again humbly offered with the like design, heartily desiring that all who read it may be helped of the Lord, under the exercise of faith and repentance to Avork out their salvation work with fear and trembling, and their generation work with wisdom, zeal, and constancy to the end : and then, siu'C, theirs shall be the crown of life, the motto whereof is, " Free, free, li'ee grace," and the reception, " Well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of thy Lord," the attaining whereof is the earnest desire and prayer of him who is your friend and humble servant,
James Nisbet.
Eainbnrgh Castle, June 20, 1710.
TRUE RELATION
LIFE AND SUFFERINGS
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL.
, N the reign of King James the IV'., some time be- fore tlie year 1500, it pleased the eternal Jehovah, ■who in the creation commanded light to shine out of darkness, amidst the ignorance of that age, to cause his marvellous light take influence on Mor- doch Nisbet in Hardhill, in the parish of Loudon and shire of Ayr, for attaining to the true and saving principles of Christian know- ledge. His eyes were opened to see the vanity and evil of Popery, which, through grace, instantly inclined his heart to loathe it : so he deliberately resolved against it, turned from it, and joined him- self with those called Lollards, the first name given to British Pro- testants, Avhom Papists called Heretics. But in the reign of King- James the v., the Papists perceiving the Lollards began to grow numerous, and they not willing any should disturb their kingdom
378 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
of darkness, raised persecution against them. Then Mordoch fled over seas, and took a copy of the New Testament in writ. What else he did we cannot say ; but after some stay abroad, he came home to see his native country, with others who had been elsewhere upon the same occasion ; two of whom were taken and burnt at Glasgow, viz., Mr Kussel and Mr Kennedy, as is to be seen in the first book of Knox's History. Mordoch being in the same danger, digged and built a vault in the bottom of his own house, to which he retired himself, serving God and reading his new book. Thus he continued, instructing some few that had access to him, until the death of King James the V. But when the Queen Dowager held the regency, the true religion began to be more openly pro- fessed, the monuments and ornaments of Satan's kingdom of dark- ness pulled dowai : Mordoch, though then an old man, crept out of his vault, and joining himself with others of the Lord's people, lent his helping hand to this work through many places of the land, demolishing idolatry w^herever they came. But having served his generation, he died, and left his son Alexander Nisbet heir to his New Testament zeal and concern for the true religion, which he indeed took care of, and continuing therein to his life's end, left his son James Nisbet heu' to the written New Testament, and other relatives. This James was humble, meek, and very religious, but nothing of a public spirit. He married one Janet Gibson, who was eminently religious, bold, and public-spirited, beyond many of her sex. She died young, and left him with two children, a son called John and a daughter called Mary. I have heard her much com- mended and lamented though she was dead twenty-four years be- fore I was born. James lived a widower all the rest of his days in the profession of the true religion and study of holiness, training up his family in the fear of God very painfully, some particular instances whereof might be given, but I incline not to enlarge. When he died, he left the written New Testament to his son John, who was adorned with thchumanadvantagesof a tall, strong, well-built liody, and of a bold, daring, public spirit. He went abroad and joined in the military, the knowledge of which was of
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 379
great use to him In time of the after persecution. Having spent some years thus in foreign countries, he returned to Scotland, and swore the covenants when King Charles at his coronation swore them in Scoon, 1650.
John leaving the military, went home to his own house, and married a young woman called Margaret Law, who proved an equal, true, and kind yoke-fellow to him all the remaining days of his life.
That she was endued with gracious qualifications suitable to his suffering circumstances, may readily be guessed at from the parti- culars anent her, which I refer to their more proper place.
John, after he was married, lived christianly and comfortably with his wife and fiimily, until the year 1661, when King Charles and his underlings overthrew the glorious and ever famous work of Eeformation : he conceived such dislike of them and their wicked proceedings, that particularly, frae once^ they burnt the covenant, he would neither cut his beard nor countenance them in the least, but witnessed against them on all occasions in his place and station. In the year 1664, he baptized a child with the reverend IMi- John Blackader, one of the outed ministers : Home, the Episcopal curate, hearing of this, was greatly enraged, and published in his pulpit, that he would excommunicate John Nisbet in Hardhill the next Lord's day. But ere that day came, he w^as snatched away by a sudden death, so the execution was prevented. The persecution was then but newly begun ; not exceeding three persons had suf- fered public death for the cause of religion, viz., the Marquess of Argyle, Lord Waristoun, and Mr James Guthry ; and this seems to have been the reason why the malicious curate fell on such a ridi- culous method of procedure. When the persecuted peojjle met together at Lanark in 1666, and there renewed the covenant, John being one of them, and more known than others, was threatened with death for that and other zealous appearances which he had made. He being sensible of this, found himself obliged for his own safety, as well as principle, to follow these people, and keep with
' After.
380 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
them in arms. At Pentlancl fight he received seventeen wounds, was strij)t nuked, and left for dead ; yet as much strength and lite reserved as enabled him to make his escape in the night, though it was a twelvemonth before he recovered. At Drumclog he did good service, behaved to a wonder, yet was preserved. At Both- well he fought openly and boldly, being not only a zealous Christian but a man of great bravery and resolution ; he stood while any man would stand, after all he made his retreat, and at that time escaped from falling into the enemies' hand." The next day they came in search of him, but missing him, took all that he had in the world, thrust out his wife and four children, and locked the doors. Moreover, on some hell-hatched consideration, a party came imme- diately back to fetch away his wife and children, but they being got out of the way to seek shelter elsewhere, coidd not be found. Then was a proclamation issued forth, offering three thousand merks to any that would apprehend him; and if any harboured him or any of his, and did not deliver them up, they should be taken and punished, and all theu' goods confiscate. This took so among the frighted people, that nobody would let them in at a door that knew them ; so they were obliged to wander from place to place among strangers. In this condition John and his family seemed to resemble those who are described in the xi. of the Hebrews and 38, " They wan- dered about in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens, and in caves of the earth."
Thus, above six years, in the extreme heat and violent rage of persecution, especially from the year 1679 to 1685, he lived, as I may say, suffering all kinds of distress, not accepting deliverance, that with a safe conscience he might preserve to himself and others the free enjoyment of the Gospel faithfully preached in fields and hills, whither he and a select company, such as he was, came al- ways Avell armed, as well to defend themselves as to protect their ministers and brethren from violence during the worship of God, as occasion should present.
Notwithstanding of all this hardship, John would not abate his ' Wodrow says ho was Captain of a trooii at Botlnvell.
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 381
zeal, but still saying, " Whoso will not be faithful in little will not be faithful in much ; whoso putteth his hand to the plough, and look- eth back, is not fit for the kingdom of heaven," and that, with Moses, we were not to lose hair or hoof. lie w' cut on pleading for truth, and contending against the sinful compliances of those times, hearing the Gospel when preached by Mr Donald Cargill, Mr Rich- ard Cameron, and Mr James Eenwack, and at all meetings of the Lord's people, where Providence furnished him opportunity, giving his counsel and advice anent carrying on of a testimony for truth. Amidst these troubles, his wife's cheerful acquiescence and sin- cere sympathy with him ^\ as great comfort and encouragement to him. Tliis w^oman preferred the peace and safety of a good con- science so far, (which to him and her was a continual feast,) that she was never heard nor seen to show the least discontent with her lot, although she underwent many troubles, such as her house and goods many times rifled, besides that at Pentlantl, and at the High- landers plundering, when eight thousand of these cruel savages were turned in upon the western shires to press the bond of con- formity. And, lastly, at Bothwell, all her sustenance and worldly substance w^as entirely taken away, after which, as hath been said, she might not stay in any place, nor none of her children where they were known. The proclamation formerly mentioned had intercommuned them, so that if they came to be known, or if intelli- gence was gotten to whom they belonged, there was no longer residence in that bounds for any of them. But the year 1683 and month of December put an end to all her troubles : she died in the eighth day of her sickness, more than twenty-three months, but not fuU two years, before he fell into the hands of his cruel enemies : she w^as buried in Stenhouse church-yard, where eight days after, her daughter was buried by her side. This natural and Christian duty behoved to be performed at midnight, because it might not be known what they were, neither woidd any body do it, but such as might not appear in the day-time. The curate having know- ledge of them, and to whom they belonged, threatened to take them up and burn them, or else cast them to the dt)gs ; but some
382 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
of the persecuted party sent him a letter, assuring him, that if he touched these graves, they would burn him and his family and all that he had ; so he forbore.
It was some days ere friends and fellow-sufferers could get notice to John of his wife's death ; but frae once^ word came, he hastened as soon as possible to the place where she died. So eight days after when he entered the house, (which was a sheep's cot, where was no light or fire but that of a candle, no bed but that of straw, no stool but the ground to sit on,) friends were putting his dead daughter in her coffin, he stepped and kissed the corps, saying, Religion doth not make void natural affection, but we shoidd be sure it run in the channel of sanctified submission to the will of God, of whom we have our being. Then tm'ning to a place of the cottage where two of his sons were lying in the rage of a fever, he spoke to them, but they kneAV him not ; at which he groaned, and said, " Naked came I into this world, and naked must I go out of it ; the Lord is making my passage easy," &c. One of the com- pany said. Sir, I hope ye know who hath done this. He answered, I know that He hath done it that makes all work together for the good of them who love him and keep his way, even He who first loved us, and this is my comfort; also, it doth comfort me very much that my wife, whom ye have already buried out of my sight, bears the mouth that never bade me do that that might hurt my con- science, notwithstanding of aU the trouble she met with on my ac- count ; but, on the contrary, when I was telling her at any time I dare not do such or such a thing, she would have said, " Well, then, see you do it not, come of me and my bairns what will. God lives, we need not be afraid ; and if ye, they, and I, were once fairly in Immanuel's land, we shall be richly made up." Therefore, said he, I bless God who gave me such a wife, and I bless Him that hath taken her again. At eleven o'clock in the night they carried away his daughter, and had two miles to Stenhouse chm'ch-yard, where her mother was buried that night bygone eiglit nights. He carried the head all the way, and quickly after went off to liide himself. > After, as soon as.
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 383
There was great search made for him by the enemy before the next clay, but ere then he was a good way from that bomids, and so escaped. Yet though the enemy got notice that he had been there helping to bury his daughter, they got no notice where either she or her mother died, which truly was a great mercy. This nature-trying pinch of affliction he endured with much admirable magnanimity, patience, and submission. But in the meantime, being called of God to more public sufferings, and before-hand en- dued with a singular measure of Christian courage, neglecting his own private troubles, and casting them aside, he returned to his wandering lot with eminent forwardness and vigour, though he certainly knew to meet with dangerous and straitening circum- stances in it ; yea, he ceased not through these and other suiferings of greater import to pursue his former course of duty ; for he had espoused Christ's cross by deliberate choice, he was indeed of an excellent spirit ; and, as Solomon says, " More excellent than his neighbour." His natural temper was tridy noble and generous, but after regulated by sanctified understanding and improven by grace, it became far more so in a spu'itual sense : for then suitable to his inclination, his endeavours were carellilly bent, on all occasions, to save the credit of the cause for which he suffered. Amons; other instances that might be adduced to evince this, the following pass- age seems to be significant. As he was travelling through a moor on a snowy day, one of his old neighbours, who was seeking sheep, met him, and knowing him, cried out, " O Hardhill, are you yet alive ? I was told you was going in a pilgrim's habit, and that your bairns were begging, and yet I see you look as well as ever you did !" — then taking out a rix-doUar he oflPered it to John ; John, seeing this, took out a ducat-do^vn, and offered it to him, say in o-, I will have none of yours, but I wiU give to you if you please, for you may see there is nothing wanting to him that feareth the Lord, and I woidd never have thought that you (calling the man by his name) would have gone so far on with the enemies of God as to sell your conscience to save your gear ; I liad far other thoughts of you be- fore Bothwell, when you was in society with us ; take warning, H. ;
384 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
go home and mourn for that and all your other sins before God, for if mercy do not prevent, you will certainly perish. The poor man thanked him, put up his money, and went home. John con- tinued after this, and to his last breath, stedfast and firm mtness- ing for what he saw to be duty, and against what he saw to be sin. Anent which, if you desire to have full information, you may view the particulars in his last testimony, which he wrote Avithin a few hours of death. He wrote also a manuscript some time before he was taken, called his " Large Testimony to the Truth," in case he should have been killed in the fields.
The Sabbath night before he was taken, as he and four more w^ere travelling, it being exceeding dark, no wind, but a thick, small rain, no moon, for that was not her season, behold, suddenly the clouds clave asunder towards the east and west, above om* heads, and there sprang out a light beyond that of the sun, which lasted above the space of two minutes. They heard a noise, and Avere much amazed. They said one to another, " What may that mean ?" But he spake none, only uttered three deep and heavy groans. One of them asked him what it might mean ; he said. We know not well at present, but within a little we shall know better ; yet we have a more sure woi'd of prophecy, unto which we would do well to take heed ; and then he groaned, and said, " As for me, I am ready to live to Him or die for Him, as he in his providence shall call me to it, and bear me through in it ; and although I have suffered much from prelates and false friends these twenty-one years, yet now I would not for a thousand worlds I had done other- wise ; and if the Lord sj)are me, I will be more zealous for his pre- cious truths, and if not, I am ready to seal his cause with my blood, for I have longed for it these sixteen years, and it may be ere long I will get it to do ; welcome be his will, and if he will help me through with it, I shall praise him to all eternity." We all won- dered at his unusual freedom, (for he was a very reserved man ;) he seemed all that week to be under great concern of spirit. The next Sabbath morning as he, with George Whitburn, John Fer- gusson, and Peter Gemmcll, was hiding in a man's house, near
JOHN NISBET IN IIAUDHILL. 385
Fenwick Kirk, where they somethnes used to be sheltered in severe weather, it pleased God they were seen, and private information given to the enemy ; so that before they were aware, forty of the enemy, commanded by Robert Nisbet, a kinsman of his own, sur- rounded the house ; John, with the other three, thought fit to hide themselves among the cows in the byre, resolving, if the enemy found them, all of them should fight it to the last rather than be taken, saying. It was death do what they would. The enemy got light, searched the house, and coming where they were, fired on them : they fired also upon the enemy, after which they stroke with their clubbed guns till the stocks broke ; then they Avent in grips with some of the enemy, and threw some of them down. The enemy, seeing they could not win at them for the beasts, (some whereof were shot and lay in the way,) cried to go all forth and burn the house. The four men, choosing rather to die by the sword than by fire, went out after them ; John wxnt out foremost, and getting his back to the wall, stood and defended himself, but received seven w^ounds, two in each side of his neck, one above the left pap, another near the right, and one in the left arm : the commander came to them that were goring and stabbing at John, crying, Why have ye not despatched that obstinate rebel ? But when he saw him, he knew him, and changing his note, in great haste, cried, Ho ! it's Hardhill, spare his life, for the Council has offered 3000 nierks for him, and I will get it. Then by his orders they fetched bed-clothes, and threw upon John, which enabled them to throw him to the gi'ound, and disabled him from wielding his sword ; bearing him down, they tied him hard, blood and gore as he was.
The lieutenant, his name-sake, insulting over him, when he had treated him in this most barbarous manner, took his three friends who were prisoners with him, and shot them dead before his face. Then coming to him, asked him what he thought of himself now ? He replied, I think as well of Christ and his cause as ever, and not at all the worse for what I sufter ; only I grieve and think myself at a loss, that I am left in time, when my dear brethren VOL. II. 2 IJ
386 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
are gone to heaven, whom ye have wickedly murdered. The bloody cruel wretch replied with an oath, He should not be long behind them ; adding, I have reserved you for a worse punishment. He answered, " If the Lord stand by me, and keep me faithfid to death, I am at a point what piece of suffering you put me to endure." Thus cruelly bound and bleeding at his wounds, they carried him with some others they had taken that day to Kilmar- nock : when he came there they slacked his arms a little ; but Avould allow him no bed-clothes, nor suffer any to see him, or speak to him, save in at the prison window. From this place he sent word to his three sons not to come near him, assiuring them, if they did, they would lose their lives also.
On Monday they carried him to Ayr : the lieutenant being a relation, pretending friendship, called him out of the rank where he was guarded ; and [as] they two went a space before the party, he asked John what he should say to the superior officer ; for, said he, I resolve to speak for you. John thanked him, and said. If the Lord favour me, and stand by me in owning of liim and his pre- cious truths, I want none of your favours. When he came to Ayr, and not till then, by the intercession of fi'iends, a chirurgeon was allowed to dress his wounds : here he was examined, and to their questions he gave free and plain answers.
The third day after he was sent back to Kilmarnock ; from that to Linhthgow ; from Linlithgow he was carried to Edinbm'gh ; and there being brought before the bloody Council, where, to the follow- ing questions asked at him, they received such answers from him, as plainly showed that he neither expected nor desired any mercy at their hands.
The Questions ivere thus : —
When he came in, they said, " Hardhill, we look on you as privy to all that is amongst that party called rebels, and we hope you will tell us aU that we ask at you ?" He answered, When you ask in general, I will answer in general ; and when you ask in particu- lar, I will answer in particular. For I am more afraid to lie than
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 387
to die. At which they looked one upon another. Then they pro- posed ; and he answered as follows : —
Q. Was you at the field conventicle at ? Here they
named the day and the place.
A. Yes, I was there, and own it as ray duty.
Q. How many men in arms had you there ?
A. I went there to hear the gospel preached, and not to take an account of men or arms that might be there.
Q. Which way went you when the preaching was done ?
A. The best way we coidd to escape your cruelty.
Q. Where keep you the general meetings, and what do you in them?
A. I am not obhged to give an account. At wliich one of the Council pretended he would do it for him, and made a long speech of what was done in a general meeting near Edinburgh ; but he gave a false account. Then they asked the prisoner if he was not there? He answered. No.
Q. What more ministers do you converse with than Mr Kenwick ?
A. None. There was none other in that bounds at that time would venture to preach the gospel to that persecuted party.
Q. How come you to be so singidar ? There are but few of yom' judgment.
A. Better I follow Christ and his truth, though alone, than a multitude to do evil.
Q. Do ye own the covenants ?
A. Yes, I own them with all my heart.
They say to him. We are ashamed of you, and such as you are, for countrymen, because ye will not observe the king's laws. He said to them. Better you be ashamed of us, for not observing your king's laws, than we be ashamed of Christ and his laws, when your king and his laws are persecuting Christ, his laws and members. They said, We hope you are so much of a Christian as to pray for tlic king. He replied, Prayer is an holy ordinance of God, and
388 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
we ought to pray for kings as well as for others, but not when every profligate commands us.
Q. Will you own King James the VII. as your lawful king and sovereign lord, as head over all causes ? &c.
J. The person you speak of, being a professed Papist, and that from his youth, and I being a Protestant of the Presbyterian cove- nanted persuasion, I neither can nor will own him while he remains such ; but if he repent and turn to God, I should readily acknow- ledge him, obey him, and pray for him.
Q. WiU you own and stand to what you have said ? A. I would not else have said it. They say. If so, we will take your life from you. He rephes, I am as willing to give it as you are to take it, that I may seal Christ's precious truths with my blood ; but be ye well assured, that if you take away my life, you wiU bring the guilt of innocent blood upon yourselves, upon your posterity, and upon this poor land ; for I never did any thing that deserved death by the law of God, or righteous laws of men.^
Upon these answers, and without any fiu'ther jirocess, they passed sentence of death upon him, which he received, (says the relater of these passages,) not only with Christian submission, but with thankfulness, blessing and praising God, who had counted him worthy to suffer for his name. During the time of his im- prisonment, he was very cruelly used, having a merciless load of irons upon him, as some, who kncAV, do affirm upAvards of seven stones weight, under which (notwithstanding of his wounds) he lay patiently day and night the whole time ; declaring, as in his last words, that he had a constant, wonderful, inward assistance and support from the good Spirit of God, bearing him up under the cross with the comfortable assurance of the pardon of his sins, and the full satisfaction of the justness of the cause in which he suf- fered ; yea, from the time he was taken, to the end of his life, (Avhich was twenty-seven days,) the reconciled countenance of God in Christ shined so powerfully and sensibly on him with such
' Wodrow adds other questions to these. Hist. Vol. iv. p. 237.
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 389
eminent lustre and brightness, as filled him with inexpressible ti'ansports of joy all the time, often praising the Lord for what he had done with him and for him, and inviting others to do the like. He charged some who came to see him, and speak with him through an iron grate, after this manner. Go immediately to your retirements, and plead with God on my behalf for patience and strength, that I may be helped to wait and bear up suitably, so long as the union between soul and body is not dissolved ; for it hath pleased Him to give me such feeling sense of inconceivable joy, and such real impression of unspeakable glory, as without con- stant and immediate supports from the giver, will certainly over- whelm me — this frail tabernacle is not able to hold up under what I now feel. A day or two before he died, when it came to be his turn to go about worship with the rest of his fellow-prisoners, in prayer he cried out, O for Friday ! O for Friday ! O Lord, give patience to wait thy appointed time ! O give strength to bear up under the glory of thy sweet, sweet, and comfortable presence ! If thou, O glorious ! thou the chief of ten thousands, the eternal wonder, and admiration of angels, and redeemed saints, put not too more strength, this weak clay vessel will rent in pieces under the unspeakable glorious manifestations of thy rich grace, and matchless, matchless presence.
But if you desire more particularly to know how it was with him at his death, and what he witnessed for and against, I refer you to his last testimony and scaffold speech.
They had sentenced him to die upon Friday the 4th of December, and when the day came, they did to him as they had determined. He died in the 58th year of his age, and left three sons, Hugh, James, and Alexander.
One thing more I do remark, and that is, though this faithfully zealous Christian passed through many towns and prisons where there were many on-lookers and gazers, and though oft examined, yet he was then no more moved than if he had been with, and speaking to, his own children. And all the way, and all the time, when any of the enemy spoke to him any thing relating to what
O*J0 LIFE AND SUFFEKINGS OF
Avas sin or ■what was duty, he told them his mind freely ; but when they spake any thing perhaps in a scoffing or mocking maimer, providing it had no relation to any of these, he held his peace, and would give them no answer ; only sometimes he w^ould say. Poor man, or poor men, mind your souls, and where ye will be when in eternity.
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL, HIS LAST AND DYING TESTIMONY", WHICH HE DELIVERED TO A FRIEND IN THE IRON HOUSE, WHEN HE WAS TAKEN OUT TO THE SCAFFOLD IN THE GRASSMARKET OF EDINBURGH, WHERE HE DIED, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1685.
I have always thought that to live for Clu'ist and die for Christ is a sufficient testimony for truth ; yet now, when I am within a few hours of eternity, to prevent mistakes, to satisfy my dear friends, and let them know how it is with me, and to let the world know what I die witnessing for, and testifying against, I judge it proper to leave a few lines behind me.
As for myself, it hath pleased the Lord Jehovah, of his sujier- abundant goodness and infinite mercy, powerfidly to determine my heart to close with, and embrace the Lord Jesus Christ, as he is made offer of in the everlasting Gospel, for my King, Priest, and Prophet, and that this conquest and captivating of me to liis obedi- ence (who w^as an heir of wrath, and a mass of sin and sinfid cor- ruption) is the fruit of electing love, according as it is manifested in the covenant of free, free, free grace, wiU evidently appear from these Scriptures following, which he, by the power and concurrence of his Holy Spirit, hath made effectual to the convincing, converting, strengthening, and enabling of me to be his, and to be for him through well and through woe, through good report and through bad report, and they are so many sweet cordials to my soul when stepping out of time into eternity.
Psalm ex. 3, "Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power." Eomans ix. 11, "For the children being not yet born, neither hav-
JOHN NISBET IN HAEDHILL. 391
ing done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth." Verse 15, "For he saith to Moses," (see Exodus xxxiii. 19,) "I wiUhave mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." Verse 1 6, " So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy." 2 Thess. ii. 13, " God hath from the beginning chosen you through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth." Pro v. viii. 30, " Then was I by him as one brought up with him ; and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him." Verse 31, " Rejoicing in the habitable parts of his earth, and my delights were with the sons of men." Verse 32, " Now, therefore," &c., to verse 36. Rom. viii. 29, " For whom he did foreknow he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the first-born among many brethren." Verse 30, " Moreover, whom he did predestinate, them he also called ; and whom he called, them he also justified; and whom he justified, them he also glorified." Verse 35, " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ ? Shall tribulation, distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword ?" Verse 37, " Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." Eplies. i. 13, " In whom ye also trusted after that ye heard the word of truth, the Gospel of your salvation : in whom also, after that ye believed, ye were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise." Verse 14, " Wliich is the earnest of your inheritance, until the redemption of the pur- chased possession, unto the praise of his glory." 2 Tim. i. 9, " Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling ; not ac- cording to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began." Titus iii. 5, " Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost." Verse 6, " Wliich he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour." 1 Cor. i. 9, " God is faithful, by whom ye were called into the fellowsliip of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord." Rom. iii. 24, " Being justified freely
3D2 Lll-E AND SUFFERINGS OF
by his grace, through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ." Verse 25, " Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to -declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God." And Chap, iv. verse G, " Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works." Ileb. ix. 14, " How much more shall the blood of Christ, wdio, through the eternal Spirit, offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?" 2 Cor. V. 19, "To wit, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them." Ephes. iii. 17, " That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith, that ye being rooted and grounded in love," &c. Gal. ii. 16, " Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Clirist ; even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law ; for by the Avorks of the law shall no flesh be justified." Eom. V. 17, "For if by one man's oitence death reigned by one, much more they which receive abundance of grace, and of the gift of righteousness, shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." John vi. 37, " All that the Father giveth me shall come to me ; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out." Verse 39, " And this is the Father's will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but shoidd raise it up again at the last day." Rom. xiv. 17, " For the kingdom of heaven is not meat and drink, but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." Chap. viii. 1, " There is therefore now no condemnation to them Avhich are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." 1 John v. 13, "These things have I wi'itten unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God, that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may beUeve on the name of the Son of God." Ephes. iv. 23, " And be renewed in the spirit of your mind." Philip, iii. 9, " x\nd be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 393
l)j faitli." Verse 10, " That I may know him and tlie power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death." Rom. vi. 4, " Therefore we are buried with him by baptism unto death, that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life." Prov. iv. 18, " But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more imto the perfect day." Philip, i. 6, " Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Psalm Ixxxix. 33, "Nevertheless my loving-kind- ness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail." Verse 34, " My covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips." Rom. v. 1, " Therefore, being justi- fied by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Verse 2, " By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." 1 Pet. i. 5, " Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation, ready to be revealed in the last time." Rom. viii. 17, "And if children, then heirs, heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ, if so be that we suffer with him, that we also may be glorified together." Chap. i. 16, "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ ; for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth, to the Jew first, and also to the Greek." Col. i. 27, " To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you the hope of glory." Matth. xi. 29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest imto your souls." Psalm Iv. 22, " Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee, he will never suffer the richt- eous to be moved." 2 Cor. x. 4, " For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God, to the pulling down of strongholds." Psalm Ivii. 2, " I will cry unto God most High, unto God that performed all things for me." Prov. xxviii. 13, " He that covereth his sins shall not prosper, but whoso confcsseth and forsaketh them shall have morov." Psalm lix. 16, " But I will
394 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
sing of tliy power ; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning ; for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble." Verse 17, " Unto thee, O my strength, will 1 sing ; for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy." Psalm Ixviii. 18, " Thou hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive : thou hast received gifts for men ; yea, for the rebellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them." Verse 19, "Blessed be the Lord who daily loaded us with benefits, even the God of om* salvation. Selah." Verse 20, " He that is our God is the God of salvation, and unto God the Lord belong the issues from death." 2 Cor. V. 1, " For we know, that if our earthly house of this taber- nacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." Heb. xii. 23, " To the general assembly and church of the first-born, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus the Mediator," &c. Psalm xlv., from the 1st to the 9th verse, John i. to the 15th verse, and his xvii. chapter tlu-oughout ; Isaiah liii. to the end, with many more.
Let none reflect upon me for citing so much, for the Scripture hath been to me from my youth the living oracles of his divine and sacred lips. When I was crying, "What shall I do to be saved?" and when I Avas saying, " How shall I know the way of tbe Lord, that I may walk therein ?" then his word was "a light to my feet, and a lamp to my path," exhorting me as it is in Isaiah Iv. ] , " Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters ; and he that hath no money, come ye, buy and eat ; yea, come, buy wine and milk with- out money and without price." Verse 2, " Wherefore do ye spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labour for that which satisfieth not ? Hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness." Verse 3, " Incline your ear, and come unto me, hear, and your soul shall live : And I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David." Verse 4, "Behold, I have given him for a witness to the peo- ple, a leader and commander to the people." Verse 5, " Behold, thou shalt call a nation that thou knewest not ; and nations that knew
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 395
not tliee shall run unto tliee, because of the Lord thy God, and for the Holj One of Israel; for he hath glorified thee." Verse 6, " Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, and call upon him while he is near." Verse 7, " Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts ; and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to om' God, and he will abundantly pardon." Verse 8, " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." John vi. 35, " And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life ; he that Cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." Rev. iii. 20, " Behold, I stand at the door and knock ; if any man hear my voice and open the door, I Avill come in to him, and sup with him, and he with me." Jer. iii. 13, " Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God, and hast scattered thy ways unto stran- gers under every green tree ; and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the Lord." Verse 14, "Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord ; for I am married unto you : and I will take you, one of a city and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion." Verse 22, " Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your back- slidings. Behold, we come unto thee, for thou art the Lord our God." Verse 23, " Truly, in vain is salvation hoped for from the hiUs and the multitude of mountains ; truly, in the Lord om* God is the salvation of Israel." Hosea xiv. 1, " O Israel, return unto the Lord thy God, for thou hast fallen by thine iniquity." Verse 2, " Take with you words, and turn unto the Lord, and say unto him, Take away aU iniquity, and receive us graciously, so will we render the calves of our lips." Jer. xxxi. 18, "I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself thus. Thou hast chastised me, O Lord, and I was chastised, as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke. Tuni thou me and I shall be turned, for thou art the Lord my God." John xiv. 6, "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life ; no man cometli unto the Father but by me." Rev. xxii. 17, "And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him
39G LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
that lieareth say, Come. And let lilm that is athirst come. And whosoever ■\\dll, let him take of the water of life freely."
When I was grappling with sin, Satan, and the world, and my own wicked and deceitful heart, the grand enemies of ray salva- tion, his word was as props and pillars to me : So that though I got many wounds, and was oft sorely beat, yet at the last I came off victorious by the help of Him who is God, all-sufficient to all who, through grace, lay hold on him for help. It is by him that I have fought the good fight, that I have finished my course, and that I have kej)t the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord the righteous judge shall give me at that day. It is by him, shining in his word, that I know all my manifold sins and transgressions are freely pardoned, and that I have a just right and title to what is expressed, 1 Cor. i. 30. So that now the guilt and condemning power of sin being fully par- doned by a judicial act of God's free and sovereign grace, through the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ, effectually applied and wit- nessed unto by the Holy Spirit upon and to my spirit, there is no room left me to doubt any more of my being freely justified by him, of my being in union with him, and in a state of grace, or of the power, dominion, and filth of sin, original and actual, being sub- dued, taken off, and washed away by the virtue of the Spirit of sanctification, being created anew in Christ Jesus unto good works ; and being sanctified throughout in soul, body, and spirit, and made meet to be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light, by him who loved me, and gave himself to the death for me, and re- deemed me by power and by price.
Now, being in such a case of communion with him, I am pained till I be freed of the remains of a body of sin and death, till I be freed of the world and aU things therein, and also of this natural life, and be possessed of himself and with himself in his eternal inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away ; a place which he hath provided for all whom he hath chosen, for all whom he hath called, for all whom he hath justified, and all
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 397
whom he hath sanctified. O to be there where I shall sin no more, where I shall be tempted no more, neither feel any more of his hidings, the withdrawings of his Spirit's presence, and light of his glorious countenance, but shall be ever with him, see him as he is, and serve him for ever and ever !
Now, my dear friends in Christ, I have always, since the public Resolutioners were for bringing in the Malignants and then- interest, thought it my duty to join with the Lord's people in witnessing against these sinful courses, and now we see clearly that it has ended in nothing less than making us captains that we may re- turn to Egypt by the open doors that are made wide to bring in Popery, and set up idolatry in the Lord's covenanted land, to de- file it, and thereby to provoke him to pour down his fierce wrath upon it and the inhabitants thereof.
Wherefore it is the unquestionable and indispensable duty of all who have any love to God, to his Son the Lord Jesus Christ, to the thriving of liis kingdom, to their own soul's salvation, and to the following generation, to act a close, constant, and needy de- pendance on the Lord Jehovah's all-sufficiency, for light, for coun- sel, for direction, for strength and stability, t'"* make conscience in bearing testimony for him, for his persecuted truth, w^ork, and in- terest in these lands, which Avas sworn to with uplifted hands to God the Searcher of all hearts. And O that herein all could act a faithful part for him who hath done so much for poor wretched us, when we were lying, dying, and rotting in our blood-red sins, when passing by us with his love and life-giving visit, saying unto us, " Live, live."
And on the other hand, to witness faithfully, constantly, and conscientiously against all that the enemies have done, or are doing, to the overthrow of the glorious work of reformation ; and banish- ing Christ out of these lands, by robbing him of his crown rights, (for he and he alone is Head of his own Chm'ch,) and by burning the covenants, which are the marriage bonds betwixt him and these lands ; and by pex'secuting his Gospel ministers and mem- bers, who are labouring to keep their garments clean, and their
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hands free of all the corrui^tious and compliances in these evil times. And however it be that many, both ministers and professors, are turning their backs upon Christ and his cross, reproaching and casting du-t upon you and the testimony of the day ; yet let not this weaken your hands, stumble nor discourage you from going on in the strength of the Lord your God, to contend earnestly for the faith once delivered to the saints, and witness a good confession for him and his cause, resisting unto blood, striving against sin ; and herein let your soul possess itself Avith patience ; for I assure you, it wiU not be long to the fourth watch, and then he wih come with garments dyed in blood, to raise up saviours upon the mount of 2ion to judge the moimt of Esau ; and then the house of Jacob and Joseph shall be for fire, and the Malignants, PreUtes, and Papists shall be for stubble, the flame whereof shall be great.
But my generation work being done with my time, I go to him who loved me, and washed me in his OAvn blood from all my sins ; to him who has counted me worthy to suffer for his name : and O that I had many lives to lay down for him, and much blood to seal his noble and honourable cause with, even that he who graciously pitied, and hath now given me the foil assurance of being a mem- ber of his Church triumphant, which is the new Jerusalem and city of the living God !
1 die adhering to the Scriptures of the Old and New Testament as the undoubted word of God, an unerring rule of faith and manners, and a firm foundation for principle and practice in the ways of godliness and true holiness.
2 Tim. iii. 16, " All Scripture is given by inspiration of God ; and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." And the Confession of Faith, Catechisms Larger and Shorter, as agreeable thereunto, and safely founded thereupon. 2 Tim. i. 13, " Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus." Heb. vi. 1, " Therefore leaving the principles of the doc- trine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection, not laying again the
JOHN NISBET IN HAKDHILL. 399
foundation of repentance from dead works, and ot faith towards God."
The Sum of Saving Knowledge, the Directory for Chm-ch Go- vernment in her doctrine, worship, and discipline.
I own all the attained unto pieces of Reformation in the Church of Scotland, particularly betwixt the years 1638 and 1649. The covenants, national and solemn league ; the acknowledgment of sins, and engagements to duties.
I own the Protestation given by the Eemonstrators against the Eesolutioners ; the apologetical declaration, and all public declara- tions hitherto emitted at Rutherglen, Sanquhar, and Lanark ; with all dying speeches and testimonies of those who have sealed truth wdth their blood, so far as they agree with God's holy word.
I own all the appearances in arms that have been at Pentland, Drumclog, Bothwell, Airsmoss, and elsewhere, against God's stated enemies, and the enemies of the gospel, as it has been preached by all Christ's faithful ambassadors in Scotland since the Reformation, and now by that faithful servant of Christ, Mr James Renwick ; and the testimony of the day, as it is stated and carried on by him and his adlierents at home and abroad ; ^ and kingly government as appointed and emitted in the word of God, they entering covenant ways, and with covenant quaUfications ; but I am persuaded, Scotland's covenanted God will cut off the name of Stewarts, because they have stated themselves against religion, reformation, and the thriving of Clirist's kingdom and kingly government in these lands. And although men idolise them much now, yet ere long there shall none of them be to tyrannise in covenanted Britain any more.
On the other hand, I die protesting against, and disowning Popery in all its superstitious bigotry and bloody cruelty ; and Pre- lacy, the mother of Popery, and all that depends upon that hier- archy ; and the unhinging and overthrowing of the glorious work
' " Abroad" referretli principally to Messrs John Brown, John Nevoy, and Mr M'Vaird, who were banished to Holland by King Charles and the Duke of Lauderdale.
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of reformation by their woful Act Rescissory, burning the cove- nant, turning out gospel ministers, filling their rooms with pro- fane, erroneous curates, and setting up Charles Stewart to be head of the Church ; and so robbing Christ of his royal and incom- municable prerogatives by their cursed Act of Supremacy.
I protest against the putting Malignants into places of power and trust in Church, State, and Armies, and all declarations^ any- where published tending thereunto ; and against all paying of stent, cess, and locality, to strengthen the enemies' hands to perse- cute Christ in his members, and all shedding of their blood in fields, seas, scafifolds, prisons, or any otherwise ; and all robbing, plundering, or spoiling them of their goods ; and aU raising of the hue and cry after them ; and all sinful oaths, such as the oath of Supremacy, the bond of peace, the test, the oath of Conformity, the Abjuration oath, and the oath Super inquirendis.
1 die testifying against the woful Indulgence, the fruits and consequences of which have so much strengthened the enemy, increased our divisions, widened our breaches, and deadened the spirits, and cooled the zeal of the Lord's jieople, and stumbled and offended the weak, and, in a great measure, retai'ded the caiTying on of a testimony for truth, by condemning the things contended for, and reproaching those that contend for truth.^
Wherefore I leave my testimony against all the acceptors there- of, and all ministers and professors who are any way guilty of any of the woful defections and sinful compliances with the enemies of truth, or any way guilty of condemning, reproaching, and ridi- culing Mr James Renwick and his correspondents, or the testimony which they are carrying on : and let all such ministers and profes- sors know, that this their practice at the best is a denjdng of Christ, and a shifting of his cross ; therefore, let them take warn- ing, and ponder these Scriptvu'cs.
^ Here the reader is referred to that relation of his, which, in tliis particular, is at more length expressed, as published in the Clond of Witnesses.
2 The strength of which reasons is further enlarged upon in the History of the Indulgence.
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Mat. X. 32, " Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, hioi will I also confess before my Father which is in heaven ;" verse 33, " But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven ;" (see Luke xii. 8, 9.) Verse 37, " He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me ; and that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me ;" verse 38, " And he that taketh not his cross and followeth after me, is not worthy of me." Mat. xvi. 24, " Then said Jesus unto his disciples. If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me." (See Mark viii. 34.) Mark viii. 35, " For whosoever will save his life shall lose it ; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." (See Mat. x. 39, also chap. xvi. 25.) Mat. xvi. 26, " For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul ? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" (See Mark viii. 36, 37.) Mark viii. 38, " Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father, with the holy angels." Isa. viii. 11, " For the Lord spake thus to me with a strong hand, and instructed me that I should not walk in the way of this people, saying," verse 12, " Say ye not, A confederacy, to all them to whom this people shall say, A confederacy ; neither fear ye their fear, nor be afraid ;" verse 13, " Sanctify the Lord of hosts him- self, and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread ;" verse 14, " And he shall be for a sanctuary ; but for a stone of stumbling, and for a rock of offence, to both the houses of Israel, and for a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem ;" verse 15, "And many among them shall stumble and fall, and be broken, and be snared, and be taken," (as is expressed, verses 9 and ] 0 of the same chap- ter.) Prov. i. verse 10, " My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not;" verse 11, " If they say. Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let ua lurk privily for the innocent without cause ;" verse 12, " Let us swallow them alive as the grave, and whole as those that go down into the pit ;" verse 13, " We shall find all VOL. II. 2 c
402
LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil ;" verse 14, " Cast in thy lot among us, let us all have one purse ;" verse 15, " My son, walk not thou in the way with them, refrain thy feet from their path ; for their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood." Isa. V. 20, " Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil : that put darkness for light, and light for darkness ; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter !" Verse 21, " Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight !" Verse 23, " Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him ! " Verse 24, " There- fore, as the fire devoiureth the stubble, and the flame consumeth the chaff, so their root shall be rottenness, and their blossom shall go up as dust : because they have cast away the law of the Lord of hosts, and despised the word of the Holy One of Israel." Prov. xvii. 15, " He that justifieth the wicked, and he that con- demneth the just, even they both are abomination to the Lord." Amos V. 10, " They hate him that rebuketh in the gates, and they abhor him that speaketh uprightly." Gal. ii. 18, " For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor." Psa. 1. 16, " But unto the wicked God saith, What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth ?" Verse 17, " Seeing thou hatest in- struction, and castest my words behind thee." Verse 18, " When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him, and hast been partaker with adulterers." Verse 19, " Thy mouth thou gavest to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit." Verse 20, " Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother ; thou slanderest thy own mother's son." Verse 21, " These things hast thou done, and I kept silence ; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes." The prophecy of Obadiah throughout, the first and last chapter of Isaiah to the end, with many more.
Now it is my last request and soul's desire, that all who have made Moses' choice to suffer affliction with the people of God, rather than enjoy the pleasiures of sin for a season, and are true
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 403
lovers of Zion's righteous cause ; that you set much time apart, and mourn, and afflict your souls, for your original sin, heart plagues, sins of persons and families, sins of kings and kingdoms ; and for all the dreadful apostacies, hateful compliances, and sinful sidings of ministers and people with the enemies of God and god- liness, and mourn that there is not more faithfulness and zeal for the cause of God amongst his people. Eead Psalm li. ; Ezra ix. ; Nehemiah ix. ; Jeremiah ix. ; Lamentations iii. ; and Ezekiel ix. to the end.
My dear friends, forbear your contentions and censuring one of another ; sympathise with and love one another, for this is his com- mandment ; keep up your sweet fellowship-meetings, and desirable general meetings, with which my soul has been often refreshed ; and what is agitate in them, for carrying on of a testimony for truth, and against defections, let it be managed with Scripture light for direction, and with zeal temperate with knowledge, and with the spirit of meekness accompanied with patience and humility. Be always ready to give a reason of your faith, and be much denied to the world, to yourselves, and to your natural life ; and when God in his providence calls you to lay ^t down for him, do it cheerfully, and embrace the cross of om* sweet Lord Jesus with open arms ; for he will not send any a warfare on their own charges : take for your rule and encouragement these Scriptures with others, that I leave to your own search.
Gal. V. 19, " Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these : Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness," verse 20, " Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulation, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies," verse 21, " Envyings, miu-ders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like : of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." Verse 22, " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suifering, gentleness, goodness, faith," verse 23, " Meekness, temperance : against such there is no law." Verse 24, " And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts." Verse 25, " If we live in the Spirit,
404 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
let US also wallc in the Spirit." Verse 26, " Let us not be desirous of vain-glory, provoking one another, envying one another." Chap, vi. verse 7, " Be not deceived ; God is not mocked : for whatso- ever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Verse 8, " For he that soweth to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption ; but he that soweth to the Spii'it shall of the Spirit reap Hfe everlasting." Verse 9, " And let us not weary in well-doing ; for in due time we shall reap, if we faint not." Verse 10, "^As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." Mai. iii. 16, " Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another : and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name." Verse 17, " And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels ; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him." Verse 18, " Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not." Isa. iii. 10, " Say ye unto the righteous, It shall be well with him: for they shall eat the fruit of their doings." Verse 11, " Woe unto the wicked ! it shall be ill with him : for the reward of his hands shall be given him." And, verse 9, " The show of their countenance doth witness against them ; they declare their sin as Sodom, they hide it not. Woe unto their soul ! for they have rewarded evil unto themselves." And chap. viii. verse 20, " To the law and to the testimony : if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no truth in them." Mai. iv. 2, " But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings ; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves in the stall." Isa. viii. 17, "I wiU wait upon the Lord, that hidetli his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him." Philip, i. verse 27, " Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel : that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL.
405
one spirit, with one mind striving for the faith of the gospel ;" verse 28, " And in nothing terrified by your adversaries : which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God." Verse 29, " For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake." Rev. X. 11, " And he said. Thou must prophesy again before many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings." Heb. x., from the 21st verse to the end ; and chap. xii. verse 11, " Now, no chasten- ing for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous : neverthe- less, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." Verse 1 2, " Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees ;" verse 13, " And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way ; but let it rather be healed." Verse 14, " Follow peace with aU men, and holiness, Avithout which no man shall see the Lord :" verse 15, " Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God ; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." Eev. xiv. verse 1, " And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Zion, and with him an hundred forty and four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads." Verse 2, " And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder : and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps :" verse 3, " And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders : and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and fom* thousand, which were redeemed from the earth." Verse 4, " These are they which were not defiled with women ; for they are virgins. These are they that follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the first-fruits unto God and to the Lamb." Verse 5, " And in theu' mouths was found no guile : for they are without fault before the throne of God." Jude, verse 3, " Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and
406 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
exhort you that you should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered to the saints." Eph. vi. 10, " Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might." Verse 1 1, " Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." Verse 12, " For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principahties, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Verse 13, " Where- fore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." Verse 14, " Stand therefore, having your loins girt about Math truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness ;" verse 15, " And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace ;" verse 16, " Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." Verse 17, " And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spu-it, which is the word of God."
And scar ^ not at his sweet, lovely, and desirable cross ; for al- though I have not been able because of my wounds (that I received at my taking) to lift up or lay down my head, but as I was helped, yet I was never in better case all my life ; he has not given me one challenge since I came to prison for any thing less or more ; but, on the contrary, he has so wonderfully shined on me with the sense of his redeeming, strengthening, assisting, supporting, through- bearing, pardoning, and reconciling love, grace, and mercy, that my soul doth long to be freed of bodily infirmities and earthly organs, that so I may flee to his royal palace, even the heavenly habitation of my God, where I am sure of a crown put on my head, and a palm put in my hand, and a new song put in my mouth, even the song of Moses and the Lamb, that so I may bless, praise, magnify, and extol him for what he hath done to me and for me. Wherefore I bid farewell to all my dear fellow-suflerers for the
' Be not scared.
JOHN NI8BET IN HARDHILL. 407
testimony of Jesus who are wandering in dens and caves. Farewell my children ; study holiness in all your ways, and praise the Lord for what he hath done for me, and tell all my Christian friends to praise him on my account. Farewell sweet Bible, and wanderings and contendings for truth. Welcome death, welcome the city of my God, where I shall see him, and be able to serve him eternally, with full freedom ; welcome blessed company, the angels and spirits of just men made perfect. But above all, welcome, welcome, welcome, one glorious and alone God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost ; into thy hands I commit my soul, for thou art worthy. Amen.
Nota. — That all these Scriptures, set down at full length with this ('') mark at the beginning of the line, were all, by the worthy martyr, book, chapter, and verse, cited.
AN APPENDIX RELATED AND ATTESTED BY SOME OF HIS INTIMATE ACQUAINTANCE THAT WERE EYE AND EAR WITNESSES TO HIS MARTYRDOM.
This valiant Christian, and faithful courageous martyr for truth, John Nisbet in Hardhill, with whom we were many years familiarly acquaint, was a strict observer of the Sabbath, a great examiner of the Scriptures, a great wrestler in prayer, reserved alway as to his own case and soul's concernment ; nor did many know how it was with him as to that till he came to prison. Notwithstanding he was always ready to contend for truth when it was opposed, (which he usually termed precious,) and had Scripture ready at aU times to back what he spoke, either directly or by necessary consequence to the purpose in hand. He had three sons, who seemed then to follow their father's footsteps ; but we know not well what became of them since the Kevolution. After he \^Tote
408 LIFE AND SUFFERINGS OF
this his last speech, he was taken out immediately to the Council, and from that to the place of execution ; all the way thither he had his eyes lifted up to heaven, his face shined visibly, he seemed to re- joice, but spoke little till he came to the scaffold. When he came there, he jumped up on it, and cried out, " My soul doth magnify the Lord, my soid doth magnify the Lord ; I have longed these sixteen years to seal the precious cause and interest of precious Christ with my blood. And now, now he hath answered and granted my request, and has left me no more ado but to come here and pour forth my last prayers, sing forth my last praise to him in time on this sweet and desirable scaffold, moimt that ladder, and then I shall quickly get home to my Father's house, see, enjoy, serve, and sing forth the praises of my glorious Redeemer, for ever more, world without end." Then he resumed the heads of his last testimony to the truth, and enlarged upon what he owned and what he disov^med. But drums were always caused be beat when he spoke to the people, which you are sure deprived us much of the satisfaction that other- wise we might have had ; yet over this diflficidty we heard him say, " The covenanted God of Scotland hath a dreadful storm of wrath provided, which he wiU surely pour out suddenly and unexpectedly like a thunder-bolt upon these covenanted lands, for their perfidy, treachery, and woeful apostacy ; and then men shall say, They have won well away that got a scaffold for Christ." He exhorted all to make much use of Christ for a hiding-place, for blood, blood, blood, shall be the judgment of these lands. He sang the first six verses of the 34th psalm, and read the eighth to the Eomans. He prayer divinely with great presence of mind, and very loud ; but for noise of drums, as hath been said, we could not distinctly hear what he either spoke or prayed, except when his face was toward the place where we stood, so that in such disturbing circumstances this is all of his scaffold speech that we could safely gather. He went up the ladder rejoicing and praising the Lord, which we all evidently saw. Thus he died, 4th December 1685, the fifty-eighth year of his age, with the full assurance of his interest in the ever blessed
JOHN NISBET IN HARDHILL. 409
Lord Jesus Christ ; as also of the Lord's returning to this poor land to raise up the fallen tabernacle of David therein in a more remarkable way and manner than ever, which sight he saw afar off by faith, and rejoiced thereat.
A
RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING
AND
COMFORTING CORDIAL
FOR
OLD MD YOUNG CHRISTIANS:
BEING
AN EXACT ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR'S EXPERIENCE IN THE FOLLOWING PARTICULARS :
I. AN ACCOUNT OF SOME EXERCISES OF SOUL HE MET WITH IN HIS PILGRIMAGE.
II. WHAT STRANGE AND REMARKABLE PROVIDENCES HE WAS TRYSTED WITH,
AND MANY OF THEM THE RETURN OF PRAYER.
III. SOME TEXTS OF SCRIPTURE WHICH HAVE BEEN THE SUBJECT-MATTER OP
SWEET MEDITATION TO HIS SOUL.
IV. HIS LAST AND BEST ADVICE TO HIS CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.
" Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul." — Psalm Ixvi. 16.
"/ will utter dark sayings of old: which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generations to come t/ie praises of the Lord,^' ^x. — Psalm Ixxviii. 2-7.
BY JOHN STEVENSON,
LAND-LABOURER IN THE PARISH OF DAILY IN CARRICK, WHO DIED IN THE YEAR 1728.
KOTE.
The Comforting Cordial of John Stevenson has been printed in many forms ; and was long very popular, especially in the West of Scotland. It will be seen that the Narrative is characterised by not a few of the peculiarities of Stevenson's age ; but as some of the Lives already published exhibit the characteristics of those times as developed in the conduct of their most conspicuous men, this may show how others acted at a lower level, and thus farther illustrate those events which have so largely influenced the men of all succeeding ages. There are some of John Stevenson's experiences which few would regard in the same light as he did ; but the whole seems worthy of preservation, as at once extending and varying the range of these Biographies.
&t
READER,
^^^^^^^^^^1 LL you have by way of Preface in commendation of this il Tract is a Letter from the Reverend Mr Cupples, ^i vv^hich is now in the publisher's hand, which is as
'4mmm^ follows : —
" What you have in the sheets I sent, I wrote from his papers and from his mouth. Many ministers in Carrick, and eminent Christians, have frequently heard him tell the matters of fact which you have before you.
" He was the most eminently pious man I ever knew, adorned with aU the Christian graces and virtues. His life was a life of prayer, meditation, and holiness ; he was a good husband, one of the best of parents, a kind neighbour, a choice Christian friend ; he excelled in meekness, modesty, and sympathy, shined in every station and relation wherein God placed him ; and, in a word, was one of the most knowing, judicious, soUd, devout Christians I ever was acquainted with. I appeal to all the ministers and Christians in Carrick for the truth of the above character, and for the mat- ters of fact contained in this tract.
" Dear Sir,
" Yours to serve you,
" Will. Cupples.^
" KiRKOSWALD, May 20, 1729."
' Mr Cupples was minister of Kirkoswald, one of the nine parishes of Cairick, and much respected in his day. His name was, till a comparatively recent period, like a household word in some parts of the district.
RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING
ASTt
COMFORTING CORDIAL
FOR
OLD AND YOUKG CHRISTIANS:
BEING THE LAST ADVICE OF JOHN STETENSON, IN THE SHIRE OF AYR, TO HIS CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.
Y dear children and grandchildren, knowing that I must shortly put off this tabernacle, and being fully persuaded of the reality that is in reli- gion, ar,d that " godliness is great gain," I can- not but leave some testimony behind me of my real concern for youi' never-dying souls ; which I choose to com- mit to writing, that, when I am gathered to my fathers, ye may at your leisure read what God has done for my soul, and may be thence encouraged to set your hope in God.
I. I shall, in th& first place, give you an account of some exer- cises of soul I have met with in my pilgrimage.
416 A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
II. Show what remarkable providences I have been trysted with, and many of them the return of prayer.
III. I shall mention some texts of Scripture which have been the subject-matter of sweet meditation to my soul.
IV. And, lastly, I shall give you my last and best advice.
AS TO MY soul's EXERCISE.
The first time I found my heart sensibly engaged to the good word and way of the Lord was in the days of my youth, when there was little or no open vision ; because faithful pastors were driven into comers. The Lord in his providence brought me to hear Mr Thomas Kennedy, once minister in Lasswade, but at this time thrown out of his charge by the rage of the prelates. The place where I heard him was in the Hall of Killochan, where he lectured on the 129th Psalm ; then and there fell I in love with the word and ordinances of God, and through grace have through several tribulations adhered to the purity of doctrine, discipline, government, and worship, which is now established in the Church of Scotland. My sister, my wife, and wife's brother, were at the same time with me engaged to the good way of the Lord, and were all of us about the same age.
After my heart was thus disposed seriously to work out my own salvation, I fell under great discouragement : First, Because of my ignorance. Secondly, Because of my want of Christian experience. As to the first, the Lord made me to hope it would be cured ; and the word on which he caus,ed me to hope was in Prov. ii. 3, 4, 5 verses. He bore it in on my mind, and I took it as the ground of my sure hope, and I must own to his glory, he has sent his word and healed me of this plague in a competent measure.
As to the second, my discouragement for want of Christian experience : The Lord brought to my mind the 6tli chapter of Ilosea and 3d verse, " Then shall we know, if we follow on to
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 417
know the Lord," (fee, and from this made me hope the Lord would in due time acquaint me with the experimental knowledge of hinv self ; and I own to his praise, he has been as good as his word.
On the back of this, I was violently assaulted with atheistical thoughts of God, and so far oppressed with them for a consider- able time, that my bodily strength was impaired thereby to a great degree. At that time I was ignorant of Satan's devices, and too closely kept the devil's secrets, by not unfolding my dis- tressed case to some Christian friend ; but this I always found, that these unworthy thoughts of God filled me with horror, and I neither allowed them, nor entertained them, but at the time could not discern that they were Satan's fiery darts, but rather charged them on myself, which still increased my trouble. However, it pleased the merciful God to rebuke the tempter, by making his perfections shine on my soid when I was gazing on his wonderful creature the sea ; and gradually manifested himself to me more and more when viewing his works, till at length I saw his glorious being and perfections shine forth brightly in a refreshing drink of water which I took ; and afterwards more and more dis- play themselves in every pile of grass and every flower of the field, till I firmly believed that he was, and the rewarder of them that diligently seek him ; which happy outgate from the " fearful pit and miry clay" filled my soul with great joy and pleasure : and long after I was allowed to read God in all his creatures with great satisfaction.
After a considerable time, in the year 1678, I heard Mr John Cunningham in the churchyard of Kirkmichael, preaching on the 2 Cor. V. 20, " Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us : we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye rer conciled to God." What he mainly insisted on was, That by nature we were in a state of enmity against God, and had need to be recon- ciled to God. When he opened up this state of enmity against God, I was filled with fear that I was in that state, yea, persuaded and convinced in my apprehension that I was so. I was made to see clearly the evil and danger of such a state ; and his arrows did
VOL. II. 2 D
418 A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
stick fast in me, because I concluded I was one of the " unwise sons" that had stuck long in the place of the breaking forth of children, and had not got fully out of the state of nature. When he came to apply his doctrine, he exhorted all to come out of this state of enmity, and expostulated seriously with us in order to enforce the exhortation.
Both doctrine and aj^plication had great weight with me, and made me go away longing to be reconciled to God, and resolved never to be easy till it were so.
After this, in the same year, 1678, and 12th of August, I heard Mr John Welsh on Craigdowhill, who preached on the above- named text, 2 Cor. v. 20, and insisted chiefly on this, " We beseech you, be ye reconciled to God." In speaking to which words, the Lord helped his servant, not only to show what it was to be re- conciled to God, but also earnestly to press reconciliation, and to make a free, full, and pressing offer of glorious Christ as Mediator and day's-man, and the great peace-maker, who would make up the breach, and bring about this much needed reconciliation. I being fully convinced how greatly I needed this reconciliation and day's- man, who is the only way to the Father, I with all my heart and soul did cordially and cheerfully make the offer welcome, and with- out known guile, did accept of and receive glorious Christ on his own terms in all his offices as Mediator, and did give myself away to the Lord in a personal and perpetual covenant never to be for- gotten, accepting of God for my Lord, and my God, and my guide to the death, and great reward after it ; resolving, though strange lords had dominion over me, yet henceforth I would be called by his name, whom I now avouched for my only God and Lord ; upon which I took the heavens, earth, and sun in the firmament that was shining on us, as also the ambassador who made the offer, and clerk who raised the Psalms, I say, I took all these to witness in the great judgment-day, that I had uprightly and cheerfully en- tered into this everlasting marriage covenant, resolved through grace to be stedfast in his covenant till death. After which, my soul was filled with joy and peace in believing ; it was a joy un-
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 419
speakable and glorious, having now got good hope through grace, that though he was angry, yet now his anger was turned away, and he was now become my salvation. I rejoiced in the thoughts of my new relation to God the Saviour, and felt the ravishing sweet- ness of a reconciled state, and went away firmly resolving that I would walk all my days in the bitterness of my soul, and never be vainly lifted up, but would fear the Lord and his goodness, who had so far condescended to stoop so low as to pardon a rebel, and be reconciled and pacified to me after all I had done, and all my bones at this very time shall and do cry out, " Who is a God like unto thee, a God keeping covenant, and whose faithfidness and mercy endure to all generations ?"
Though after this sensible and sweet covenanting with God on the hill of Craigdow, I always studied to improve this covenant relation with God, according to my various cases, tentations, neces- sities, and distresses, yet the most memorable time of my renew- ing this covenant was at Craigdarroch in Nithsdale, in the year 1686, where in secret prayer the Lord determined to renew that covenant I had entered into with him on Craigdowhill, and won- derfully condescended to bring me as it were nigh to his seat, and filled my mouth with arguments, and allowed me to plead with him as a man does with a reconciled ft-iend ; there was I helped with great enlargement to renew and adhere to the everlasting covenant, and there the kind God manifested himself to me other- wise than to the world, and I may say that truly my fellowship was with the Father, and with his dear Son Jesus, in as sensible a way and eminent degree as ever I met with before or since, though many times he has been even since kind to my soul.
Soon after this, whilst at Craigdarroch, my spirit was over- whelmed within me on the account of a rising generation, and for fear of a departing God and glory. I was frequently obliged to re- tire to solitary places, and with an aching heart, trembling soul, and wringing of my hands, bewail the sad circumstances that poor pos- terity would be in if God should leave these lands. I saw that the rage of a prelatic persecution had banished many faithful shep-
420 A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
herds, had put some of them to death, and were restless In pursu- ing others, so that they had scattered the Lord's flock, and made them wander on the mountain in the dark and cloudy day, which obliged Christ's sheep which knew his voice, but will not follow a stranger, to wander from sea to sea, and from one part of the land to another, to hear the pure and good word of the Lord, and many times could not find it. All this made my soul cast down within me, for all flesh had corrupted their way ; those who were in power and authority seemed to bid Christ depart out of our coasts, and many also were the provocations of sons and of daughters ; our solemn covenants wherewith we had bound ourselves to the Lord, were too little regarded by a great many : all this filled my soul with fear, lest glorious Christ should be provoked not to return again to poor Scotland ; then I thought if he Avould not return with a preached Gospel in plenty and piu-ity, we had been the cruel gene- ration who had sent him away from ourselves and poor posterity ; which obliged me in deep distress to lament over a rising genera- tion, and earnestly to entreat that " Glory might yet dwell in our land," and that he would return to us with a departed glory.
Whilst I was in this melancholy case, I had occasion to hear ISIr James Renwick preach, who dropped a word to the mourners in Zion Avho were sorrowful, because the ways of Zion mourned, and none going up there as formerly to her solemn assemblies. He bid such take courage, for Christ would yet comfort Zion, and return to these lands in spite of all opposition. He advanced several arguments or grounds of hope, that he would yet return with a departed glory ; but I being perplexed in spirit, did in my own breast, muster up many objections against all his grounds of hope, and so still strengthened myself in my distressing unbelief; at length and at last he advanced this for our encouragement, that God had borne it in on the minds of honest ministers and Christians on scaffolds, and at the hour of death, by an irresistible gale of his Spirit, that he would yet say concerning this part of Zion, " Here is my rest, and here I desire to dwell," and that he would certainly return with the Gospel dispensation in plenty and purity. On
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 421
which my discouragement evanished, for these tidings of great joy, for I persuaded myself that the secret of the Lord is with them that fear him, and that God would never suffer " the expec- tation of the poor to fail for ever," especially seeing he impressed them with this hope in a dying hour, at a time when they were filled with joy and peace in believing, and some of them going as a prince before his seat, and getting an abundant entrance minis- tered to them into the heavenly kingdom. And now blessed be his name who banished my fears, and has since let me see Jerusa- lem a quiet habitation, and glory dwelling in our land near forty years together, and none of Zion's enemies now to make us afraid : the Lord has brought back our captivity like streams in the south, and when he did so, we were like men that dreamed ; he filled our mouths with singing and oiu* hearts with joy, and the righteous Lord hath cut " the cords of the ungodly crew."
And I must say to his praise, that before the mercy came, he remarkably poured down a spirit of prayer on us, and so prepared our hearts, and bowed down his ear to hear ; and on after reflec- tion as weU as at the time, I am fully convinced he never bid the house of Jacob in their most melancholy circumstances " seek his face in vain," but that it is good, yea, best for us, at aU times to draw near to God.
Some time after my former happy outgate from my above-men- tioned distress, I found the clouds returning after the rain, and my soul environed and beset with thick darkness, though I continued to have a deep sense of my lost state by nature, and that I could not help myself, though I had destroyed myself, yea, though I was convinced a remedy was provided, and that there was no other name by which I could be saved than the name of Jesus Christ ; yet I apprehended and was afraid that I had never got a saving discovery of the way of salvation through a Mediator, and concluded he was an unknown Christ to me. This perplexed my soul for some weeks, till one day I was in the fields, and meditating on the works of God, where I was allowed to read the perfections of God in every creature. I observed that all of them had obeyed the
422 A BARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
law of their Creator, and never in the least acted contrary to the will of him who, by his powerful word, had given them a being. This broimht me to consider how man had carried towards his Lord and benefactor, and speedily I found that, though God made him upriglit, yet he soon found out many inventions imworthy of his God, and was the only creature, excepting devils, that ever disobeyed his holy, just, and good commandments, on which the depraved state of fallen man, and my own in particular, was more fully laid open to me than what I could well conceive before. But all of a sudden, a bright display of redeeming love did with power shine in upon my soul, [so] that I was filled with wonder at the amazing good will of God to fallen man,t o a creature so unworthy, ungrateful, and rebellious, when, at the same time, he had not only resolved to pardon his rebellion, and bring the elect world into favour again, but would do all this by sending his own Son to be a propitiation for the elect's sin, when a little before he had doomed the fallen angels to endless misery, without the least pity or com- passion shown to them, though of a nobler rank by their first make than man. All this, I say, so filled my soul with high thoughts of redeeming love, and a strong admiration of all the perfections of God, which shined so bright in the face of Jesus Christ, and in the way of man's recovery from his lost estate, that my mouth was filled with praise, and my soul with joy. I thought I never could praise him enough, who was exalted above aU blessing and praise ; on which I invited the whole creation to join with me in my melo- dious song. I bespoke them in the words of the Psalmist, in the 148th Psalm, " Praise him, ye sun and moon ; praise him, ye stars of light ; fire, hail, snow, vapours, and stormy wind ;" and all that he hath made, help me to sound forth the praises of so great, so good, so condescending, and so faithful a God. Having finished for that time my song of praise, I concluded with prayer, and after went on my way rejoicing.
When all of a sudden the roaring lion did attack my soul. I was not by this time ignorant of his devices, but well acquainted with his wiles. He powerfiilly suggested to my mind that now I had
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 423
got a brave sight of Christ. I being persuaded it was one of his hellish stratagems to make me think meanly of my attainment, I answered the enemy with a holy boldness, and with an audible voice, What hast thou, O enemy, to say against it ? To which the tempter speedily replied. You never asked if you had an interest in that Saviom-, on whose account you so much praise. To which I replied, Alas ! that charge is too true : though thou hast been a liar from the beginning, in this thou speakest truth ; on which I looked up and cried to God, and begged he would let me know wherewith I should answer the enemy. Immediately it was im- pressed on my spirit, that a God of infinite goodness, mercy, and faithfulness, would never have made me to rejoice in his perfec- tions, being so gloriously displayed in the great work of man's redemption, if I had not an interest therein ; and I told the enemy that the God who had made me glad at his salvation would not, could not, deceive any of his creatures, and in this would 1 trust. The enemy then suggested, that I would not always be in such a frame. I replied, that I feared, but that 1 lamented ; but told the tempter, though I should meet with winter blasts, after all this sunshine, I would imitate the wise mariner in a winter season, who keeps in harbour ; but whenever a favourable gale came, or a spring- tide of heavenly influences, I should be in readiness to cherish the motions of the Spirit, and in the meantime would Avait upon God, as a God of judgment, and the God of my salvation, whose salva- tion had now set me up on high, and made me ride on my high places ; upon which the enemy left me for a season, and I for some time was fiUed with joy and peace in believing.
Some time after the above exercise, I was in a considerable outward trouble, and having earnestly entreated God to deliver me out of it, I vowed that my praise should no longer wait for God, or be silent in Zion, than he would be to me in this particular, the hearer of prayer ; and so I bound my soul in the presence of God, to set apart a day for thanksgiving, if he would condescend to grant my humble request, and particularly that in the 23d, 24th, and 25th verses of the 22d Psalm, should be a part of my song;
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namely, " Ye that fear the Lord, pral.<»e him ; all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him, and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel ; for he hatli not despised nor abhorred the afifliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him, but when he cried unto him, he heard. My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation : I will pay my vows before them that fear him."
Accordingly, it pleased the merciful God to regard the voice of my supplications, and to command off my trouble ; whereupon I resolved to sacrifice to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving-, and pay my vow unto the Lord. But when I had fixed the day, the great adversary of God and man did assault me with his fiery darts, to keep me back from paying in the rent of praise which was due by me to my great deliverer, alleging that I need not praise so soon, for I was still under many troubles, suggesting that I had better delay my day of praise till all my troubles were removed, and then I might keep one day for all. To this I was helped to answer, that Israel of old, when carried safely through the Eed Sea, did sing their song to him who saved them, when they knew they were just entered into the wilderness, where many troubles did abide them ; and as they did, so would I. Accordingly, I spent a day in returning praise, and found the God whom I adored very kind to my soul.
After some time I found a cloud arising, [of] which I may say, as the Prophet in another case, that at first it was as a man's hand, but gradually increased till it covered the whole heavens, as it were, and hid from me the refreshing and lightsome rays of the Sun of Eighte- ousness. I may say I feared to enter into the cloud, and it was the greatest and of longest continuance that ever I met with in the house of my pilgrimage ; the Lord covered himself with a thick cloud, and made darkness his pavilion ; and though I cried, yet he seemed to shut out my prayers. This cloud lasted for two years and some months. The first year my bitter complaint was, " He hath hid his face, and I cannot be troubled," " for my stroke is heavier than my groaning." The second year my mournful song
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was, " He liath hid his face, and I am troubled." In my first year's distress, his arrows stuck fast in me, and his hand did press me sore : " my wounds did stink and were corrupted, and there was no soundness in my flesh ; the arrows of the Almighty did drink up my spirits ; night and day his hand lay heavy upon me, so that even my bodily moisture was tm'ned into the drought of summer." When I said sometimes "that my couch would ease my complaint, I was filled with tossing to the dawning of the day," and then in the morning the cry was, when will it be night ? and at night, when will it be morning ? I remembered God, and was troubled, aud I communed with my heart, wherewith I might ease my smart. I remembered the days of old, when he led me through the wilder- ness, and the Spirit of the Lord, as I thought, had caused me to rest, but now was I ready to cry out, " Is it true in very deed, that the Lord hath forgot to be gracious ? hath he shut up all his bowels of tender mercy in his wrath ? doth his promise fail for evermore ?" I was ready to conclude that all men were liars, and all former experiences were delusions, and yet glad to cry out, " O that it were with me as in months past, when the candle of the Lord did shine upon my tabernacle, and when by his light I walked through darkness." But still the comforter that should relieve my soul was far from me, and my broken bones were never like to rejoice. Though it be said, he hideth his face but for a moment, and that his anger endureth but for a night, yet the time of my sad exercise seemed the longest period of my life, for joy was never like to come in the morning. The second year of my distress, I was made indeed to alter a little the ground of my trouble, and cry out, " He has hid his face, and I am troubled."
In my first year's exercise it was a great part of my burden, that I could not be duly burdened, when the glory was departed from me ; but now I was made to OAvn, that as he hid his face, so this was my trouble, and indeed my trouble was so great, that I could not well speak. Amidst all my down-casting, I had the " roaring lion" to grapple with, who likes well to fish in muddy waters. He strongly suggested to me that I should not eat, because I had no
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right to food, or if I ventured to do it, the enemy assured me that the wrath of God would go down with my morsel, and that because I had forfeited a right to the Divine favour, and therefore had nothing to do with any of God's creatures. To this I answered, that even the wicked had a right to eat and drink by the law of creation and the indidgence of providence ; for even an earthly judge had so much generosity as to allow a condemned criminal to be fed on bread and water, at least till the day of execution, and how much more compassion woidd God show to his creatures, the workmanship of his hands, even though under a sentence of con- demnation, as long as he granted the reprieve, or spared the execution of the formidable sentence ; yea, I alleged I had a civil right by the laws of the land, and ought to make use of it for the preserving of the life which God had given, even as I was a member of the society in which providence placed me. However, so violent were the temptations of the strong enemy, that I frequently forgot to eat my bread, and durst not attempt it ; and w4ien, throvigh the persuasion of my wife, I at any time did it, the enemy through the day did buffet me in a violent way, assuring me that the wrath of God had gone over with what I had taken : thus went I from day to day about my ordinary employment, broken and much borne down, and the weak body scarce able to subsist any longer ; then the enemy persuaded me, if I would tell my case to any Christian friend, I could not give a greater evidence of gross hypocrisy than to pretend to soul exercise. In this I was indeed the devil's closet secreter, [secretary,] to my great prejudice and Satan's advantage ; for had I revealed my distress to an interpreter, one among a thou- sand, the enemy, by God's assistance, might sooner have been foiled : but as my wounds did stink, so my folly made it so, having enjoined my wife to let none know my distress and exercise.
The enemy after all did so pursue me, that he violently sug- gested to my soul that some time or other, God would suddenly destroy me as with a thunder-clap, which so filled my soul with fear and pain, that every now and then I looked about me to receive the divine blow, still expecting it was a coming ; yea, many nights
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I durst not sleep, lest I had awakened in everlasting flames ; and in this dreadful confusion, have prayed on my bed whole nights that God would avert the feared vengeance : " I cried to him out of the depths, and deep called to deep, at the noise of his water- spouts, and all his billows went over me," yet I was never like to hear his loving-kindness in the morning, yet still I had my prayer to the God of my life, sometimes crying out, " My rock, why for- gettest thou me so ? How long shall I go thus mourning by the oppression of the enemy ? it is like a sword in my bones, whilst my foes upbraid me, and whilst the enemy says unto my soul, Where is thy God ?" At another time crying out, " O send forth thy light and thy truth ; let them be my guides, and then will I go to the altar of God — to God, my exceeding joy." Sometimes I have said, " O my soul, why art thou cast down within me, and why thus disquieted in me ?" but yet after all, I durst not venture to say to my distressed soul, " Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." Whilst thus I was in the fearful pit, and sinking in the miry clay, it pleased the kind God to devise means that his banished might be again brought home, and soon after did say. Deliver him from going down to the pit, for I have found a ransom ; and my outgate from the pit, wherein was no water, was in the following manner.
The Presbytery had appointed our minister, Mr Crawford, to supply at Kirkmichael, which was then vacant : he had intimated to us that we were not to expect sermon that day. Accordingly, he studied for Kirkmichael, but a providence falling out on the Saturday prevented his going there, which made him send word to some near his own church, that he would preach at home, because he was insuperably obstructed from going to Kirkmichael. On the Sabbath, amidst my great distress, I went to the house of God, for I still loved the habitation of his house, " the place where his honour dwells," and there that day he sent his word, which afterwards healed my soul. The minister laid aside his ordinary for that day, and preached from the text he had studied for Kirk- michael, which was this, in the 42d Psalm, " O my soul, why art
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thou cast down ?" &c. I tlioiiglit when he read his text, that he singled me out with his eye, and looked always my way ; and, in a word, his whole sermon was suited to the several parts of my long and sharp exercise, so that I was amazed what to make of the providence. In the multitude of the thoughts that rolled within me, the enemy suggested, that if the minister had not " plowed with my heifer, he had not read my riddle," and did insinuate that my wife had told the minister's wife my distress, and that she had told her husband, and therefore he had chosen the subject on pur- pose ; so the enemy suggested I was a fool to take comfort which came not from God, but only from man ; on which I svispended my taking comfort, till I inquu*ed at my wife if she had discovered my case to any ; and from her I found she had never divulged it. This made me on the Monday go to Mr Crawford, and inquire how he came to choose that text that day. He answered, he always sought direction from God, in choosing what he was to preach on.
After which, the Lord shined on his word and providence, and said, as it were to the poor prisoner. Go forth, show yom'self. The Lord began that day to knock off the fetters wherewith I had been long bound, and some time after more eminently shined upon my needy soul, at a time when my wife was nigh unto death, but won- derfully brought back from the gates of it. " Eejoice not thou over me, O mine enemy, though I fall I shall arise, though I walk in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me;" though he caused lono- grief, yet had he compassion, according to the multitudes of his tender mercies, and suffered not the enemy always to rejoice over me.
Some time thereafter Satan stood at my right hand to resist me, and charged me with all my sins and the aggravations of them, as also my plagues of heart, and inquired by his strong suggestion whether or not, I myself being judge, could I think that such sins and o-race could dwell together ; to which I readily replied, I thought they could not, upon which I razed the very foundation, and in a moment destroyed what I had been many years a building. My ti'ouble however was so great, I was obliged to take my bed, being
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grieved at the melancholy thoughts of my having deceived myself; so rude was I, and as a beast before him, that I could not in this dark hour live by faith ; it was indeed the hour and power of dark- ness : grieved was I, and loath to call all that ever I met with a delusion. Yet so strong was the - tentation, I could not read my evidences for or title to his favour ; all this not only made me take my bed, but threw me in a fever for some days, and then the enemy did sorely assault me, and assured me he would either dwell for ever in my heart, or deprive me of the exercise of my reason. Upon which I told my wife what the adversary had threatened, jsiud desired that she would go out and cry to God in my behalf, and I would in the meantime entreat his appearing for me in such a strait, and disappoint my malicious enemy. Accordingly, she went out to prayer, and I cried to God on my bed, out of the depths, and heartily requested that Satan might neither be per- mitted to dwell in my heart nor distract my head. Dear Lord, said I, gather not my soul with sinners, for I cannot think of such a hellish guest. O Lord, I am thine, save thou me ; enthrone thyself in my heart, and let not the enemy have entrance there. I have renounced the devil, and will never " be led captive by him at his wiU ;" he maintains that grace cannot dwell with my corruption, but thou knowest my sin is my burden. " O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of sin and death ?" Lord, I long for victory over it, and that through the blood of the Lamb ; therefore dwell there in my heart by thy Spirit of grace, that Satan may have no room therein. And, dear Lord, let not the enemy deprive me of reason, lest thy name be blasphemed among the wicked, lest the profane ridicule religion, and cry out, Take up the professor, he is now distracted, and all his religion has been only a notion in his brain. By many arguments I begged of God he would rebuke Satan, and plead the cause that was his own ; on which the Lord that chose Jerusalem seemed to say, " Is not this a brand plucked out of the burning?" and charge was given to take away my filthy garments, and clothe me with changes of raiment, so the adversary was put to silence, and my wife came in smiling with the
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hopes of it, the Lord having enlarged her for me in prayer. I im- mediately was not only healed in spirit but in body, my fever Avas re- buked as well as the enemy, and I got up and put on my clothes, after I had lain some days in trouble both of body and mind, and thus got a new occasion of setting up my Ebenezer, owning that hitherto the Lord had helped.
Some time after this the enemy again pursued my soul, and charged me afresh with my sins, and maintained I was nothing but a hypocrite, and had best quit the way of religion, for the longer I continued my profession, I would increase my misery the more ; this he much insisted on, but I being persuaded that in my spirit I allowed no guile, I assured the enemy I could not nor would not give up with the good way of God, for the Lord had all along shown me great kindness since ever I engaged in his way and ser- vice ; I could not therefore so foolishly and ungratefully requite the Lord as now to turn my back upon him, I had found his yoke easy and his burden light, and none of his commandments were grievous to me. Besides, I was convinced that none was such a good mas- ter— to whom then should I go if I would turn my back on him, " who only had the words of eternal life ?" therefore, " there was none in heaven or upon earth that I desired for a Lord and Master beside him." Yea, I was sure that what advantage the enemy got over me now or at other times was because of my sins, and what mio-ht I yet expect would I so far transgress as wholly to quit God's way ; therefore I assured the enemy that in God's way I would constantly go on in the strength of God the Lord, and would still make mention of his righteousness, and his only. A few days after I came to the sacrament at Kirkoswald. And on the Satur- day as I came towards the tent, the adversary suggested that all my provocations and heart-plagues were written on my forehead, and that all the people were gazing at them ; he so far prevailed as to make me sit down in haste and hide my face ; however, the Lord set bounds to his rage against me till the solemnity was over ; after which I had occasion to go to Galston on the Monday, and as I returned, the restless enemy made another assault ; he averred that
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I had slain the great King's Son, and that I had stabbed him to the heart in Adam, and since pierced him by many actual trans- gressions, and therefore he would immediately hale me to prison ; on which I told him, " I would fly to the city of refuge ;" he sug- gested that he would pursue me even there, and drag me from the very horns of the altar, that I might die the death of the mur- derer, having slain the great King's Son. Upon which he seemed to bring me to the city of refuge, where the Judge was then sitting, and craved sentence against me. The enemy appealed to two witnesses that I was guilty, namely, the Judge who was privy to all that ever I did, and my own conscience. These awful witnesses readily owned I was guilty of the charge, on which the accuser craved a speedy sentence, that he might be allowed to drag the criminal to prison : this made my trembling soul, with tears gushing out, supplicate the great Judge that I might be allowed the bene- fit of that Act of Grace made long ago, and firmly ratified in the Council of Peace, namely, Deut. iv. 42, " He that slays his neigh- bour unawares, and hated him not in times past, shall fly to the city of refuge and live." I pleaded that such was the equity of the Judge, that even in the cause of his own dear Son, he would not, could not, act contrary to his own standing law, but would magni- fy the law, and thus make it honourable, how unworthy soever the accused criminal was. I appealed to the great Judge and the other witness Conscience, if it was not unawares that I had slain the King's Son, when I stabbed him in Adam, and that I hated him not for times past, though I had frequently pierced him, yet this was the grief of my soul, and was in bitterness for it more than for a first-bom, yea, the two great witnesses knew, that the King's Son whom I have pierced is precious to my soul, and to his blood I flee for cleansing, and it speaks better things than the blood of Abel ; and though I have sinned, I have an Advocate with the Father, who is the propitiation for my sin ; it is in the meritorious virtue of the blood and intercession of the Lamb slain that I con- fide, by the horns of this altar will I live and die. Therefore, O righteous Judge, before whom 1 stand, may I be justified freely
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from what the enemy hath charged me with, and from what I charge myself with also. The Lord that chose Jerusalem rebuke Satan, send him to his place, and let him pursue me no more. On which the merciful Judge smiUng on me in the face of his Anointed, pro- nounced my absolution, and said, " Son, be of good cheer, thy sins be forgiven thee ;" which made me go from before his tribunal won- dering at the mercy of the Judge, and tender bowels of the Eternal Son. Thus again the God of peace bruised Satan for a time under my feet, and made me go on in my way rejoicing, my soul being filled with joy and peace in believing, because I had got the new name and the white stone, which no man knoweth but he that receiveth it, for strangers intermeddle not with this joy.
Some time after this, our minister not being able to preach, I went to Girvan on the Sabbath to hear Mr Stewart; and as he closed his forenoon sermon, Satan stood up at my right hand to resist me, and charged me with my filthy garments, setting all my sins and plagues of heart before me in a sinful view ; upon which, between sermons I retired to the fields to think on a text of Scrip- ture which came to my mind, and suited my case ; the words were these, in the First Epistle of John, " If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves ; but if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteous- ness ;" where I observed that it was most consistent with the faith- fulness and justice of God to forgive his people their sins, and that he was by these his attributes engaged to do so ; that it was agreeable to his faithfulness, was evident from his promise in the Proverbs, " He that confesseth and forsaketh his sins shall find mercy ;" as also in Jeremiah, which is mentioned also in the Epistle to the Hebrews, " I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and iniquities will I remember no more ;" therefore faith- ful is he that hath promised, who also Avill do it, for his is the word of a King, who abideth faithful, and cannot deny himself. It is also evident, said I, that God's justice does also engage the Holy One to pardon the sins of his penitent people ; for when man had destroyed himself, and could not help himself, it pleased the
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offended God to lay help on his dear Son, who was mighty to save ; him he appointed and accepted of as the elect's surety, and laid on him the iniquities of them all ; so that it pleased Jehovah to bruise him in the elect's room and stead ; " he was wounded for their transgressions," and "laid down his life a ransom for many;" and therefore, seeing the debt was already paid by the surety, it was just with God to let the elect go free, and not exact double payment : so that justice itself did now cry out concerning the elect sinner, " Deliver him from going down to the pit, for, behold, I have found a ransom." Wherefore I concluded, that though I was verily guilty, yet God was just and faithful to forgive his people's sins. On which, the enemy strongly suggested, that he was faithful to forgive sin, but it was only the sins of his people ; and desired me to find by Scripture marks that I was one of them. I owned it was true that he would only pardon the sins of his people, and endeavoured to read my evidences of grace ; but, alas ! the enemy took me at a catch, for the cloud I was under was so great, that I could not see to read my character ; nevertheless, I told the enemy that I was sure of one mark, and would lay claim to it, namely, that I loved the brethren, even all who bore God's image. But here he suggested, that one swallow made not sum- mer, and that one mark alone was no mark of a real Christian, which so confounded me, that the enemy rejoiced over me, and for three full weeks did trample on my faith and hope, and no doubt thought he would for ever separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. The enemy still pursued my soul, and made me dwell in darkness, as one that had been a long time dead ; whereupon I resolved I would no longer keep the devil's secrets, but would open my case to some of his messengers, if happily I might find an interpreter, one among a thousand, that could show unto man his uprightness. To my own minister I could not go, for he himself was in great trouble at the time. Therefore I went to Mr Stewart, and opened my case to him, but comfort found I none, for the Comforter that should, and only could, relieve my soul, was yet far from me. Having taken my leave of Mr Stewart, VOL. IL 2 E
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Satan attacked me just as I was coming away, and assured me that I was acting the basest hypocrisy, telling Mr Stewart that I was in distress, when there was no such thing, and persuaded me that I had not lied to man only, but to the Holy Ghost, which new accusation greatly i3erj)lexed my soul. This being on Thursday, I was sorely buffeted till Sabbath thereafter, when, early in the morning. Scripture marks of my interest in the favour of God did throng into my mind with great sweetness and power from high. Then I told the enemy that now I could read my evidences, and that I was in covenant with God, to which God himself was witness on Craigdowliill ; yea, I told him that I had fled to the city of refuge, and got my absolution pronounced near May bole, as I came from Galston to Kirkoswald. I added as a further mark, that I counted the people of God " the excellent ones in all the earth," and could say. Lord, do I not love those that love thee, and am grieved with those that rise up against thee ? " yea, I love the habitation of his house, the place where his honour dwells ;" yea, I am sensible of my body of sin and death, and count it my greatest burthen, and long exceedingly to be delivered from it, and can say, that whatever corruption be in me, I have no quarrel with his excellent law, but count it holy, just, and good, and can say, " How love I thy law ! it is iny meditation all the day," and stays ever with me ; yea, glorious Christ is precious to my soul, as he is to them that believe. After the enemy found me assisted to read my evidences, and that God by his Spirit had let me see the grace that was freely given me, Satan departed from me for a season, and God filled my soul for some time with joy and peace in believing.
Some time after this, as I was coming from the Bar, the adver- sary gave me a new onset, and told me I was a great fool to trouble myself about religion, seeing there was no reality in religion ; upon which I went to prayer, and begged of God he would direct me how to answer the advei'sary ; after which, I proposed the following questions to the enemy : 1st, If there were no reality in religion, how comes it that graceless sinners, when they come to die, when
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people are for ordinary most serious, do so desire to be religious, and to die the death of the righteous ? 2dly, If there be no reality in religion, how comes it that some who were irreligious, have such a remarkable change wrought on them, that they not only turn religious, but continue so through a long life, notwithstanding of great affliction and persecution on the account of religion ? 3dly, If there be no reality in religion, how comes it that the religious get much advantage, both temporal and spiritual, by the same dispensation, by which the wicked get great prejudice ? 4thly, If there be no reality in religion, how comes it to pass that the judgments threatened against the wicked in God's word have so frequently such an exact accomplishment ? 5thly, If there be no reality in religion, how comes it to pass that the religious are so encouraged by God, in the way of their religion, and meet with so many mercies from the God they serve, and many of them coming to them as the fruit of prayer ? 6thly, If there be no reality in religion, how comes it that God works so many wonders for the credit and vindication of religion and religious persons ? Having proposed these questions, the Lord rebuked Satan, and has never suffered him to molest me since in such a way ; so that I may say, God has never suffered me to be tempted above measure, but has to this way always, with the temptation, given a Avay to escape ; and has in all my distress put underneath his everlasting arms, and has been a present help in straits, so that I will cheerfully own he is my Rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
As to the second thing promised to give you some account of, namely. Remarkable Providences and Returns of Prayer, I shall join these both together, because in their falling out they were frequently connected one with the other.
The first I shall mention was what I met with at Bothwell. I am not ashamed to own I was there, and do declare it was not a spirit of rebellion against the then king and government that took me there, as that rising up and association is slanderously reported of by many. That which moved us to join together, yea, appear in
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arms, was the necessary defence of our lives, liberties, and religion, for it is well known how the enemies of God and our holy religion did eat up the people of God as bread, and called not on his name ; and wherever they met with honest ministers, or private Christians, they either shot them, banished, or dragged them to prison, and for no other reason but because we worshipped the covenanted God of our fathers, and that according to our conscience, and in the way we judged was appointed of God ; we took cheerfully the si:)oiling of our goods, had not the enemy sought to lord it over our con- science, which we could not submit to them without incurring the dis- pleasure of God. I own many of us could not be edified by a set of men forced on us by the prelates ; and it is well known how scandalous and immoral the generality of them were ; and yet, for not joining in communion with men who were a scandal to the Christian religion, we were hunted like partridges upon the moun- tains, and exposed to the rage of the bloody soldiery, whose tender mercies we found to be cruelty ; yea, when we complained of our grievances to those in power, in the most humble, dutiful, and loyal way, we were the more harassed and oppressed ; and as if our persecutors had a mind to show to the world that they were entirely void of humanity as well as religion, they made Acts against our laying grievances before them. All which considered, it was no wonder we joined together for our common safety ; and our uniting together was on the very principles on which our happy Revolution was afterwards brought about, namely, the preserving ourselves and posterity from Popery, slavery, and arbitrary power. Having shown you what moved us to take up arms at Bothwell, I come now to let you know the providence I met with there. Whilst we lay at Hamilton before the engagement, I observed all my acquaintances and others providing head-pieces and breast- plates, and what was necessary for their safety in the day of battle. I not having money to spare on these things, as some others had, T looked up to God, and took him for a covering to my head in the day of battle, as he had been to David of old ; for I observed whatever pieces of armour they had prepared for their safety, there
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was still a possibility of their being slain. Wherefore, I humbly told the great God I would entirely depend on him as my cover- ing in the day of battle. Accordingly, when our forces fled from before the enemy, and all took what way to go they judged most proper for their safety, I rode not through Hamilton with the rest, but went about the town, and having got over a glen, when I got to the other side of it, I espied a party of the enemy just below me, and in the very way by which I behoved to ride. I could not turn back without alarming them, and therefore rode on. My comrade was riding just before me, with his head-piece and other pieces of armour which he had provided for his safety. I saw him dismayed, and that he could not well sit his horse through slavish fear ; on which, I whispered to him to go on composedly ; and I went before him with my carbine over my arm, and my sword drawn in my hand. The enemy came so close up to the way, and all stand- ing under arms, that I could not ride past without touching clothes with them; on which their commander, in a threatening way, asked me the word. I had resolved not to speak, whatever they asked of this nature, because I knew not their word, and thought it Avould irritate them the more if I told them Avhat was not their word. As I spoke nothing, but rode on, depending entirely on the God whom I had chosen for my covering in the day of battle, I got past them unmolested ; but whenever my comrade came up, I heard the officer ask him. The word, dog ; on which, through fear, he told him what was not their word, which so provoked the com- mander, that he struck him over the head with his broad-sword, which, by reason of my comrade's head-piece, broke in two. This so enraged the commander, that he ordered some of his men to fire, which they did, and killed him on the spot. I still stepped on without the least hurry or confusion, and they never in the least molested me. Just as I passed them, I saw Colonel Burns lying in his blood, whom they had shot a little before, so that I must own the Lord was my safety, and the covering of my head in the day of battle : he hid me as in the hollow of his hand, and set remarkable bounds to the remainder of the wrath of the enemy,
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SO the snare was broken, " and I escaped as a bird out of the snare ot the fowler ;" and my sure and all-sufficient help was in Jeho- vah's name, who made the heavens and the earth.
From this time till our happy Revolution, I was obliged, for the space of nine years, to retire and hide myself as much as possible from the rage of my persecutors ; and I knowing the wrath of the enemy, and fearing, if I were taken by them, I should be tempted, through my weakness, to any sinful oaths which they contrived to ensnare souls, or be exposed to the greatest sufferings, I set apart time for prayer, and pleaded with God, that he would make out graciously to me what he had promised to do for his Chiwch and people in days of fiery trial ; and particularly woidd accomplish to me his great promise in 3d of the Revelation, and 10th verse : " Because thou hast keeped the word of my patience, I also will keej) thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come on all the world, to try them that dwell on the earth." I pleaded the out- making of this ; and I must own, he remembered the word on which he caused me to hope, and preserved me remarkably from the enemy, as you may hear afterwards.
Some time after this, a troop of the enemy was quartered about Daily, and five of them were quartered upon my father, in Cam- ragen. As they came to my father's house, they were informed that I was that morning come to the house, (for there were many informers in the country, who sold themselves to betray innocent blood, and that for a piece of bread.) They had told the soldiers what sort of a man I was, what clothes I had on, and what sort of hair : and it was so that I had come from my hiding-place just into the house to get some refreshment. I had not sat dowTi, neither did I resolve to sit down, when, all of a sudden, my sister and I heard a great noise before the door. We ran to the door to see what was the matter, and found three of the five dragoons, who asked, if I were the goodman of the house, or if I belonged to the family ? I answered, I was not the head of the family, but I belonged to it. I expected the next question would have been, Are you his son ? but the Lord restrained them from it, for his
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wise ends and my safety. They told me they were to quarter with us, and dismounted, and were in a great rage. The Loi'd ordered it so, that neither my sister nor I were the least daunted before them. I spoke civilly to them, and told them to be calm and easy, and they shoidd get for themselves and horses in great plenty. I offered them either straw, hay, or corn, for their horses, and took them into the garden, and made up a bundle for each of them of what they desired. I made up also one for myself. I let them take up their bundles first, and return to the stable, and I just followed ; but when they entered the stable door, I skipped back and got over the garden ditch, and so escaped from them. They afterwards were in great rage at the disappointment ; and when they met with my father, threatened to have him ruined for enter- taining such a person as I in his house. But my father turned the chase on them, and threatened to tell their commander that they had let me go after they had me in their custody ; upon which they held themselves quiet : and the Lord kept me from that hour of temptation, as I had begged, and as he made me hope.
Some time after this, some of the dragoons being quartered in my father's, I was lying out by night and by day on a neighbour- ing hill, to which I had ray meat sent me for ordinary. It fell out that the several troops which lay at Girvan and Daily were all to rendezvous, upon which, they which quartered in my father's went to meet with the rest at Girvan. I seeing them go off, came down from the hill where I used to lurk, and came with a design to get some refreshment. Whilst I was taking it, my father came in and told me he saw some dragoons coming back in great haste, and that they were just at hand, and desired me to fly for my life, and he woidd divert them at the entry, till I could liide me in the garden. I told him I would lie on the other side of the garden, in a blackberry-bush, till he had got them settled, and when he had done so, he might bring me an account, and I would go off. Ac- cordingly, I went out and hid me in the bush, whilst my father helped them to lay off their furniture, for they were the dragoons which used to stay with him, and had been sent back in haste.
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Before the dragoons would go into the house, they would see their horses put to the grass ; and notwithstanding of all that my father could do to divert them, they would put their horses to grass that night to the place where I lay hid. Whereupon one of the dra- goons seeing the blackberries, came to eat blackberries oiF the very bush at the root of which I lay. My father seeing him at the bush where I was, cried to him that he would poison himself, for now in harvest these berries were full of worms, and desired him to bring him a berry, in order to get him from the bush, and he would show him a worm in it. The dragoon went to him accordingly, and showed him a berry, and my father opened it, and showed him a worm in it, which is ordinary in many of them at such a time of the year ; and thus he was persuaded to go into the house with the rest, and to take meat. Whenever they were set down, my father came out, as if he had been to take care the horses should not break in upon the corn, and he told me they were settled, and so I stepj)ed off to my ordinary lurking-place upon the hills. And here again it is evident that I dwelt under the shadow of the Most High, and lay in the secret places of the Almighty, when my enemy was so nigh, and did not discover me : and I may say, that " in the mount the Lord was seen ;" and may call the name of that bush, Jehovah-Jireh, for there he was seen to appear for me ; for not only did he put a covering on my head in the day of battle, but now again when in great danger, he did not enclose me in the enemy's hand.
Some time after this, having entered into a married state, my father had made a secret place in his haystack, where I stayed a whole winter by night, and some part of the seed-time, when my wife was not with me ; sometimes a friend in like circumstances with myself would come and stay a night, for there was room under the stack for two, and this was my secret chamber for the time above-mentioned, and a very cold one too, notwithstanding of all the hay that was about us. One morning, when my wife was with me, she got up and went out at the little hole we had to get out at, and she stapped [stuffed] the bundle of hay in which was our door; as
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slie stood in the garden, all of a sudden she observed four men hard at hand ; she stepped back, and stooped as If she had been drawing hay, and Avhispered to me that I should keep close, for she saw some of the enemy : within a little one of them struck her on the back with the side of his sword, and told her she was their pris- oner, on which they took my wife and sister to prison, for no other reason alleged against them but that they would not hear the curate, which they had no freedom in their conscience to do, con- sidering they came not in by the door, but were blind guides forced upon us by the prelates, and very immoral for the most part too. For this they were carried to Maybole and put In prison, where they lay some days, till a party of friends got them out by night. As for the four men who took them, three of the men were as com- mon beggars served by my wife afterwards at her door, and the fourth man's wife, also, when we lived to see Jerusalem a quiet habitation, and lived to see our spoilers In straits, and we were j)ro- vlded for in plenty, and so able and ready to feed our enemies. Now here I also remark the kindness of God that suffered not these men who took my wife to see her just coming out of the stack, for had they done so, I had either been apprehended, or been obliged to shed their blood, In which I had no pleasure.
Some time after this, the kind providence of God had provided a nursing for my wife In Cralgdarroch, Ferguson, In Nithsdale, where she stayed till the Revolution, and by this the Lord opened a door for my safety and comfort, for I was for the most part well enter- tained there, though I was kept hid in the house, none knowing I was there but the good lady and my wife ; for so dangerous were these times, that kindness could not be shown to one In my circumstances without endangering the family that did It, In case it were known. So enraged were the prelates against those who would not comply with the inventions of men. Now my wife hav- ing gone to nurse there, some months after I left Carrick to go and see my wife, but not knowing the way, I got a lad Avho had been in that country to be my guide. Accordingly we set off, but durst not keep the common road for fear of the enemy, it being now like
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the days of Jael, when the highways were unoccupied, and no peace to honest people when they went out or when they came m. Being obhged, then, to go by the mountains, there came on a fright- ful mist and fog, so that we wandered in a desert and pathless way, and knew not whither we were going. I told my guide that we were surely wandering, and therefore I woidd sit down and pray, as I usually did and do when in such a case. Before I prayed I sung some verses of the 107th Psalm, about the redeemed of the Lord, their wandering in a pathless way, and how they cried to God, and were by him brought to a city of habitation ; having sung some verses I went to prayer, and was so burthened with Zion's distress, that I forgot to beg of God to remove the mist, and lead us in a right way. I considered that the Chm'ch of glorious Christ in this land was like sheep without a faithful shepherd, and scat- tered on the mountains in the dark and cloudy day ; for our pastors who were careful of the flock of Christ, many of them were banished, others of them executed, and the rest durst not be seen. All this made me hang my harp upon the willows, when I remembered Edom's children, that were crying out, Eaze, raze Zion to the foun- dations. I was much enlarged both in my mourning and supplica- tions for Zion, which was now afilicted and not comforted, and helped to wrestle with Zion's God, that now when of all the sons that Zion had brought forth, there were few shut up or left, or lilce to take Zion by the hand, therefore the Lord himself would yet build up Zion, and that he would not forget the prayer of the destitute, nor let the expectation of the poor fail for evermore. Before I had done, the Lord had carried off the mist, so that we saw we had wandered, and afterwards were directed into the right way; and as the Hearer of prayer did prepare my heart to lift up a prayer for the remnant that was left, so he inclined his ear also to hear, for not long after the Lord brought back our captivity, and Zion again was built up by the mighty God, and since our happy Revolution, I have seen Jerusalem a quiet habitation, be- cause the Lord has regarded the prayer of the destitute, and not despised their prayer. " This shall be written for the generation
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to come, and the people which shall be created shall praise the Lord."
About a year and four months after this, I carried my daughter Elizabeth to Craigdarroch, my wife being dry nurse there ; the lady had desired me to bring my child to stay in her house, and be com- pany to her child, which was about the same age — my child was then about two years old and a quarter. I got a horse and a woman to carry the child, and came to the same mountain, where I wandered by the mist before ; it is commonly known by the name of KeUs-rhins : w hen we came to go up the mountain, there came on a great rain, which as we thought was the occasion of the child's weeping, and she wept so bitterly, that aU we could do could not divert her from it, so that she was ready to burst. When we got to the top of the mountain, where the Lord had been formerly kind to my soul in prayer, and showed me the way where I was to go, I looked round me for a stone, and espying one, I w^ent and brought it. When the woman Vi'ith me saw me set down the stone, she smiled, and asked what I was going to do with it. I told her I was going to set it up as my Ebenezer, because hitherto and in that place the Lord had formerly helped, and I hoped would yet help. The rain still continuing, and the child wxeping bitterly, I went to prayer, and no sooner did I cry to God, but the child gave over weeping, and when we got up from prayer, the rain was pour- ing down on every side, but in the way where we were to go there fell not one drop, the place not rained on was as big as an ordinaiy avenue ; and so we w^ent on our way rejoicing, the child well pleased, and we wondering at the goodness of God, who kept us and the child dry, whilst it continued for a considerable time to pour down on each side of the way.
After this some time, whilst I was kept hid in Craigdarroch, my ordinary was to go out some nights to walk in the fields, to get fresh air, and having been there a considerable time, my shoes failed me in a strange part of the land ; my wife and I durst not let this be known to any, lest it had made a discovery of me, not knowing there who were our friends or who our foes, and we could
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not tell the case well to the lady, who knew I was about the house, lest she might think I was expecting them from her; therefore not being able to want shoes when frequently wandering out in the night, I at length betook myself to prayer, and begged humbly of God he would direct as to this, and that he would order my being provided for with shoes in a way that would not endanger either me or the family that was so kind to me. After three days I got a pair of shoes sent to me from my wife's brother, who lived at that time about thirty miles from the place where I was, and knew nothing of my wanting shoes ; when I had occasion some months after to see him, I inquired what moved him to send me a pair of new shoes ; he told me, that being in Ayr one day, he was strongly impressed to do it, and therefore bought them, and in providence got one going to the country where I was, which he knew not of when he bought them, and therefore had sent them to my wife, who could give them to me with safety. I inquired at him when he was thus moved to buy them; he said it was the very day on which I had prayed for them, as I understood when he told me the day he bought them, yea, he was moved to this about the very time when I had been in prayer to God, who hath said, "Be care- fiil in nothing, but in every thing by prayer and supplication make your request known to God, with thanksgiving."
Some time after this, whilst I stayed at Craigdarroch, they had a child about three quarters old to whom my wife gave suck, who fell into a violent fever, which threatened to take away his life in eveiy one's apprehension that saw him ; upon which the lady desired I might see him, and this could not be done lest I should be dis- covered, till all in the family were in bed, excepting an old Chris- tian woman a neighbour, and my wife, who were to sit up with the child ; wherefore I came about midnight and looked a little on the child, who was in great trouble, that mine eyes might affect my heart. Having thus viewed him for some time, I went out to the garden to beg his life from God ; I went to the upper end of a long walk where there was a summer-house or seat with a hedge about it, and there I choose to call upon God. When I had for some
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time earnestly pleaded for the child's life, the terror of Satan fell upon me in such a way, that I immediately concluded the enemy was at hand, and wanted to fright me from my prayers, (for I was not ignorant of his devices ;) wherefore I resolved I would continue in the duty ; on my doing so, I heard a voice just before me on the other side of the hedge, and it seemed to be hke the groaning of an aged man ; it continued so some time. I knew no man could be there, for on the other side of the hedge where I heard the groaning was a great stank or pool. I nothing doubted but it was Satan, and I guessed his design, but still I went on to beg the child's life. At length he roared and made a noise like a bull, and that very loud ; from all this I concluded that I had been provok- ing God some way or other in the duty, and that he was angry with me, and had let the enemy loose on me, and might give him leave to tear me in pieces ; this made me entreat of God to show me wherefore he contended, and begged he would rebuke Satan. The enemy continued to make a noise like a bull, and seemed to be coming about the hedge towards the door of the summer-seat, bellowing as he came along ; upon which I got up from my knees, and turned my face towards the way I thought the enemy was coming, and looked to God still that he might rebuke him ; after that he made a noise just like a mastiff dog in great trouble, this was not so terrible to me as the other. I got some courage, and having my stick in my hand, I resolved to stand still to see if he appeared to me in any shape, but instead of that he went past into a place hard by full of nettles, and there groaned as for- merly. I heard him very distinctly and composedly, yet I thought I would go in and think what could be the meaning of this dispen- sation. Accordingly, I came in and whispered to my wife, that I had been somewhat affrighted ; the old Christian woman that sat by overhearing, drew a bow at a venture, and pierced between the joints of the harness, telling me to take care lest I had provoked God by the want of submission, and being too much set upon the child's being spared. No sooner had she spoke thus, but I was convinced of my fault, yet could not think of the child's dying. I
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inclined once more to venture out, yea, tried it a second time, but Satan, I then thought, was just ready to devour me, so that I saw God would go on to contend if I would not learn submission as to the child's life. Upon which I looked up to God, and begged he would rebuke Satan, and allow me to go and pray for the child's eternal salvation, and I would not any more beg his life, but leave that to his sovereign pleasure. No sooner had I done this than I went out with a holy boldness, and had not the least trouble from Satan any more at that time.
That which made it so difficult to me to submit to his death was the thoughts of the comfortable accommodation we had in the family, my wife being the child's nurse, which we might come to want if the child had died. Thus my carnal reasonings and distrusting that Providence which had wonderfully appeared for us formerly did much provoke God, so as to let loose the enemy, but whenever I got thorough submission, as I said, I went to the summer-seat where I had been before, and there I begged for eternal salvation to the child, and was wonderfully enlarged and persuaded that he should share in the great salvation, and as I had promised, so I sought not his life, but left it entirely to God's will. Wben I had spent a considerable time in prayer, I came away rejoicing that I had got such good hope concerning the child's eternal happiness. When I came in, I went to see how the child w^as, and he was as ill as ever, but immediately he gave a sneeze, and purged, and m a minute was as free of a fever as ever he was ; his recovery being so sud- den was very surprising, and. much of God I saAV in the dispensa- tion, whilst I mainly set on the child's life, he sent the enemy to chase me as it were from the throne of grace, but whenever the Lord let me see my sin, and helped to due submission, then I got to the throne of grace, and was brought near to his seat, and had my mouth filled with arguments, and was allowed to plead with God as a man does with his friend ; yea, I was only set on the child's eternal salvation, [and] he not only persuaded me he would grant it, but he gave his natural life over and above, and he yet lives in Craigdarroch, and may he still live so as to find mercy in the day
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of the Lord ; and at this very time I know nothing about Craig darroch that maketh me ashamed of the hope I had of his happi- ness when he was a child.
After it pleased Zion's God to bring back our captivity, and Presbytery was established in this Church, I had great difficidty about my joining in communion with her, and that because I thought our covenants were not renewed, and all guilty of sad de- fection not duly censured ; it was difficult to me what to determine, therefore I set apart a day to ask counsel of the Lord, and went at some distance to the fields both to pray and think on what I should do ; having entreated that God would send forth his light and truth, that they might be guides to me, and so lead me to his holy hill, that I might go to the altar of God, of God my exceeding joy. I consulted my Bible, to see what had been the practice of the Church of God In the lilce case, both under the Old and New Testament dispensation : I found under the Old Testament dispen- sation, that it had been frequently the approven practice of the Church and people of God to bind themselves to God by solemn and national covenants, and that in their covenanting they bound them- selves against error, both in principle and practice, as we have done by our national and solemn league and covenants, and am per- suaded that these covenants are always binding, not only as they contain nothing but what every good Christian is obliged to, namely, to do all that lies in his power, in every station, in appear- ing for God, and against sin and error ; but they are also binding, because of the oath of God. If Zedekiah should not escape, who had despised the oath, when, lo ! he had given the hand to Nebu- chadnezzar, how shall these lands escape, if we shall trample on our national and solemn league and covenant, when, lo ! we have given our hand to the INIost Pligh God ? May we not tremble lest our offended God should send a sword, or some other judgment, to avenge the quarrel of his broken covenant ? I observed, however, from the Old Testament, that some reformations came a greater length than others ; that in some of them they renewed the covenant, and in others not — in some, the high places were pulled
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down, in others they were not. I observed that whatever refor- mations they had, all who had been guilty of defection were not punished — the idolater deserved death by God's Law. I found also that in these reformations, which came not all the length that could have been wished, and might have been expected, yet Old Testament believers joined in communion with the Church in such a case.
I came again to consider the Church, when Christ, our great pattern and example, came into the world. I found a great many tilings wrong at that time. They taught for doctrine the com- mandments of men ; were more fond of their unwritten tradi- tions than they were of the Divine Law. Their teachers very formal and corrupt, and the Church very much subject to a heathen magistrate, who had too great influence in changing the High Priesthood from one to another ; yet, for all this, our Lord Christ, the true Prophet, owned her for a true Church, though many things were wrong, and spoke honourably of that Church, when he told the woman of Samaria, " We know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews." Yea, he himself joined in communion with her, as did Joseph and Mary, Zacharias and Elisabeth, Simeon and Anna, who were eminent believers ; yea, our Lord exliorted others to join in communion with her, as in the 23d of Matthew ; from all which I concluded, that it was my unquestionable duty to join in communion with the Church of Scotland, though our covenants were not renewed, seeing she had all the essentials of a true Church, her doctrine pure and uncorrupt, her government, disci- pline, and worship, according to the word of God, and the sacra- ments administered according to the pattern shown in the mount ; seeing she had appointed also a national fast, as the Jews did of old, after their return from their captivity, to bewail all the defec- tions that all ranks had been guilty of under Prelacy ; so that, in a national way, high and low had occasion to condemn themselves for trampling on God's holy laws, yea, for despising the oath and breaking the covenant, after we had lifted up our hand to the Most High. As such like considerations as these cleared up my
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way in joining in communion with this Church since the Eevolu- tion, so I have ever since loved the habitation of his house, " the place where his honour dwells/' and do adore his holy name, that ever he gave me counsel, for I must own to his praise, that he has helped me to draw water out of these " wells of salvation" with great joy ; and has frequently satisfied me " with the fatness of his house, even of his holy place ;" and has frequently made all his garments, all his ordinances, smell to me of aloes, myrrh, and cassia ; and to this day makes me joyful when it is said unto us, " Let us go up to the house of the Lord ;" and whilst I live shall ever pray for the peace of Jerusalem, and for my friends' and brethren's sake, and for the house of the Lord, and for my own sake and posterity's too, I will ever seek her good, and still shall wish that peace be within her walls, and prosperity within her palaces ; and that a seed may be raised up here in this Church and elsewhere that will do him service while sun and moon do endure.
After this some time, my wife finding herself with child, acquainted me therewith, and the Lord bore it in my mind that my wife would be in imminent danger before she were delivered, and that the child would die. In prayer and out of prayer, by night and day, this haunted me. I kept it from my wife as long as I could ; but at length was obliged to let her know it. When she told me she was with child, even before the time of life,- I reckoned it my duty to be concerned, that God would clothe with skin and flesh, and fence with bones and sinews, and that he would in due time grant life and favour. I thought it duty, I say, to desire earnestly that God would write all its members in his book, and show kindness in the forming of that piece of his workmanship, Avhilst it was in the womb, as in the lowest parts of the earth, far from, and out of the reach of, human eyes or hands ; but my impression still continuing that it should have life, but soon lose it, I desired my wife to let me know when she quickened, which accordingly she did ; and then I prayed more directly for the fruit of the womb, and gave it away to God by the bond of that ever- lasting covenant, which I had taken for myself and all mine. I thus VOL, II. 2 F
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continued my concern for It, never begging life, or that it should come living out of the womb. I was so persuaded that it would not be granted, that I only cried for everlasting salvation to it ; and in doing so, was much enlarged, and had near access to God. I was still under the impression that my wife's life would be in the greatest hazard, before she was delivered of the child ; and accord- ingly, within ten days of her reckoning, she took a violent head fever, and in the fifth day of her fever, her pains came on her, and was delivered of a dead child : the child was living till about an hour before the delivery. My wife had such a complication of dangerous troubles, that her life was given over by all sorts, and those of good skiU. This they kept quiet a little from me, till one day I was conveying our minister home, when he had been seeing my wife. He was much skilled in the study of physic, having made it his study in the times of our late troubles. I asked him what he thought of her ? He told me it was proper now to be free with me, and he behoved to let me know, that no life could be expected for her ; on which I returned home and went to prayer, and continued for the most part in prayer, every now and then for the space of forty-eight hours. I still came in after prayer to see how she was, but minded no other thing but how to get near to God for her salvation. In the last of the forty-eight hours, I got such manifestations of God, such intimate communion with him, such persuasion of her salvation, and I had such an uncommon gale of the Spirit, that I came from the duty, and my countenance no more sad. I came in to inquire, as before, how my wife was, and when she saw me, she took me by the hand, and asked what that meant which she saw in my countenance ? She said she feared that people would mistake me, considering she was so low, to behold such an unusual joy, sparkling, as it were, in every part of my face. I told her what access I had to God, in wrestling for her salvation, and that the inward joy I felt could not be contained, but behoved to break out, for the light of God's countenance was the health and shining of mine. I told her the vision seemed to be for an appointed time, but it woidd speak ; and though it should
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tarrj, I would wait for it. For eight days after this manifestation, which I got of God in the mount of prayer and meditation, it was remarked that an uncommon lustre appeared in my countenance, in the eyes even of those who knew not what was the occasion of it. After this, my wife was spared with me ; and the desire of my eyes was not taken away by this threatened stroke ; and all who knew the dangerous case she was in, could not but cry out on her recovery, " Behold, what has God wrought ?" it was indeed " the doing of the Lord, and marvellous in the eyes of aU ;" and good cause had I to cry out, " the right hand of Jehovah does ever valiantly," and " what shall I render to the Lord," who spared with me one that had been my sweet companion in the most of my tribulations, and the wife of my youth, yea, my great support and comfort in the house of my pilgrimage ? For this I will sacrifice the sacrifice of thanksgiving, to that God who not only provided her as an help meet for me, but has for forty-seven years made her remarkably so. I acknowledge I got her as the fruit of many prayers, and will make him my song, even Jehovah, who made the match, and has made it so comfortable and so lasting.
Not long after this it pleased the Lord to afflict me with an univer- sal Cruel, [or Scrofula,] which had broke out in many parts of my body, and taken my right hand off the joint, so that I had no power of it, and was laid aside from aU work. I consulted a physician of the best skill in our country, who told me he could not do me any service, if it were not to apply some plasters to the wounds to ease my pain, and advised me not to trouble myself with physicians, for I would find them all physicians of no value. Having continued under this trouble for two years, I found an inclination to go to Moffat, though my circumstances were so low at the time, I knew not well how to get there ; but having asked counsel of the Lord, I said I would go, and make use of the water in faith, as a mean appointed, and frequently made useful by God ; and I would entirely depend on God for making it usefvd to me, and have all my expectations from him, who works by means, without means, and contrary to means, as seemeth good in his sight. Accordingly,
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I went, and, in a close dependance on God, did drink of the water, and washed my wounds therewith, for the space of forty and eight hours, at proper seasons ; and the Lord by this brought my hand back to the joint, and made it strong as aforetime, so that I came home with joy, and was able to go about my work. I went three summers, and stayed about six days every time at Moffat ; and as my hand was restored to its place and strength the first time I went, so the following seasons I was perfectly recovered, and all my sores dried up, and my wounds healed, and I restored to a sound and healthy constitution. Whilst I was under the trouble, and my sores running, God helped me to great submission and patience. I used to hold up my arm, and look on my running sores with as much joy as ever the bride rejoiced in her attire, and used to call my sores the bracelets wherewith God had adorned me. I took my trouble so out of God's hand, who had done much for me, and had promised to do much more, that all he did to me, and with me, appeared to me as marks of his favour, notice, and regard.
A little before my above-said trouble, M'hen I came back from my long captivity, (as God had brought back Zion's captivity, so at the same time he brought back mine, for with Zion I embarked, and with Zion I stood and fell,) I say, after my coming to peace and liberty, I took a piece of ground in tack — for husbandry was my occupation ; and seeing God was again suffering his people, and me among others, to dwell under our vine and fig-tree, and none to make us afraid, I found I was not used with buying and selling, and therefore could not improve the blessing of peace and liberty ; whereupon I set apart some time to ask counsel of the Lord, and went to my own hill, where frequently the Lord has met with me. There I begged of God, that he who taught the husbandman discretion, would teach me to order all my affairs with discretion to the end : and I was made to remark ever since that whereas, before this time of prayer, a great many had out- witted me in buying and selling, and were like to carry off the little that I had in the world, yet, after counsel sought of God in
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this matter, I was either in providence kept from having much business with the crafty, or [so] helped to a holy and just caution in the business of trade, that to this day the Lord has helped and kept me from the paths of the destroyer, of the unjust, fraudulent, and violent man.
After this I was one day taking some broth, and a little bone went over with the broth ; by the endeavoiuring to get it up, it got into the windpipe, and went down as far as it had passage. It continued immovable for fourteen years and three-quarters. For six years I was able to go about my work, though weakly, but for the other eight and three-quarters, I could do nothing. This threw me into a decay, for it occasioned a great cough, drought, and spitting, and none thought I could recover ; yet, at the end of the above-said space, I was taking a drink of water, and my cough coming on at the time, occasioned my vomiting the same, and with that stress and vomiting the bone came away, after it had lodged within me fourteen years and three-quarters, as above : the bone when it came away was in bigness and shape like the half of an ordinary hazel-nut shell. All the time I was under this trouble, I was helped to great patience and submission, and abundantly satisfied to die by it. The Lord, the whole time it continued, made me cheerfully acquiesce in his dispensation, without mur- muring or repining ; and since my deliverance from it, though my body, considering my age and troubles I went through, be not so strong as formerly, yet I have enjoyed a tolerable measure of health ever since, which is the space of eighteen years : " O how wonderful are his judgments, and his ways past finding out : He alone doth wonders ; he wounds and he heals, he kills and he makes alive."
In the time when I had the above-mentioned bone for my trouble, 1 had occasion to go see the worthy Lady Castles te wart, my old acquaintance ; and when I was there I was seized with a cough, and for three days fixed to my bed with it. On one of these days, as I lay looking about me, I was suddenly impressed that Mistress Rodger, the minister's wife of Galstun, was in child-
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bearing pains, and that both mother and child were in the utmost danger. Upon this, I cried earnestly to God to spare the mother and the child, and was helped to plead this with great concern ; and I was persuaded God would preserve both. When I had done I wrote down the time Avhen this happened, the year, month, day, and time of the day. When I saw her afterwards, I showed it to her, I mean Mistress Rodger, who owned that she was in travail, and she and the child in imminent danger, the day and time of the day wherein I was made to pray for her, though I was, when I did pray for her, about fifty miles' distance from her, and knew nothing of the time of her reckoning. Adored be his name ; for, as I have read and heard, so have I seen, " that the secret of the Lord is with them that fear him."
Much about the same time, our minister in Daily, his wife, and a son, were in great bodily trouble, all at the same time, and confined each of them ta a bed in the same room. As many went to show their concern for them, and sit up with them, so I went one day, and sat up all night, and my eye and ears very much affected my heart ; whereupon I resolved, were I at home again, I would set apart a day to wrestle with God for the distressed, and thus testify my sympathy with them. Accordingly, when I came home, I set apart a day for prayer, and earnestly begged of God that he would spare them. I got no satisfaction that day ; where- fore, I spent a second day the same way, and yet knew not the Lord's mind concerning them ; so that I set a third day apart for the same purpose, and then the Lord assured me that the minister, ]\Ir Crawfurd, and his wife, should recover, but that the son should not, but should get what was far better, the everlasting salvation of liis soul. Uj)on this I was fully persuaded that all would be as God had assured, and thought it proper to go and tell ]\Ir Crawfurd and his wife this, for their encouragement. Accordingly, I went and told them that both of them should recover, and their son never would, but should be happy for evermore ; and so it came to pass, the parents recovered to health, and the child pined away tiU he died, but gave full satisfaction to all that he died in the Lord.
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And now glory to God, who gave me many errands to the throne of grace, for by this he testified his love to my poor soul, in that he ever kept me about his bountiful hand.
After this I was pained much with a stitch in my left shoulder, so that for three weeks I was not able to follow my work, for I could not lift it up or stretch it out, but hold it on my breast like an arm broken or out of joint ; on which, I came over to Kirkos- wald, where I frequently came to pray and meditate, and went into the church, which was the place where prayer was wont to be made when I was in that part.
As I was praying, I forgot to put up a request about my arm, being very much enlarged as to other things, till I was just going to close and end the duty, and then it was strongly impressed on my mind that I should put up a petition for the recovery of my arm, and it should be granted ; on which, I begged of God to remove my pain, and allow me the use of my arm, for harvest was now drawing on ; and I no sooner desired the favour than I was persuaded that it was granted. Whereupon, after I rose from duty, I put it to the trial, and stretched out my arm, and it was as well and strong as ever, and has continued so ever since. This was surely done by the same power and goodness which long ago healed the withered hand.
There were some things which I should have mentioned before, that now I shall give an account of.
In our days of fiery trial and persecution, before the Revolution, I fell into a great fever, and lay in a cot-house of my father's. When I had lain fourteen days, I got an account that there was to be a strict search made by the enemy for such as I M-as ; on which, the fifteenth day I rose up in the rage of the fever, and went on foot to Castlestewart, which was about twenty mUes from the place where I was lying. My wife staid in that family at that time, and none but the lady and some few knew I was there : it was not fit the laird should know of it, lest he had been brought to his oath, and forfaulted on my account. When I went there I lay down, as I came away in the rage of the fever; but strangers
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coming to the house, I was obliged to leave the room, to make way for them, and was put in a little closet above the laird's room. When I was laid in there, being in great sickness, I moaned much, and it seems pretty loud, for my wife, being in the laird's chamber, heard me, and, running up to me, told me I behoved to give over mourning, otherwise the laird would hear, and would certainly inquire about me. I thought it hard not to be allowed to moan, "when my trouble was so great ; however, considering the danger it might expose both the family and myself to, I begged of God to keep me from it ; and no sooner did entreat the favour, but the Lord granted it, and if he had not done it, I could no more of myself stop it than I could command off the rage of the fever.
A little after the Revolution, I being at Craigdarroch, was look- mg out at a window, and saw Craigdarroch standing without. I no sooner saw his face than I was impressed with his death, yea assured as he was now going to his regiment, he should never return. The following day he set off for the regiment, which lay about Edinburgh, and in prayer and out of prayer, I was persuaded he should never see his family again. This I told to my wife and the lady's gentlewoman ; I got them to promise never to speak of it, till the truth of this persuasion should appear. Accordingly, very soon after, he was killed at Killicrankie, and never returned. After the battle, it was reported that he was taken prisoner, and carried off by the Highlanders. I went to prayer about it, and was assured he was dead. After which, I told the lady that she had better lay her account to hear of Craigdarroch's death, than vainly imagine he was taken prisoner, for I was certain he was dead. A little after. Lady Craigdarroch got several letters assuring her that Craigdarroch was taken prisoner, and still alive. She showed me three of them, and said. What do you think of yourself now, for here are three letters from persons of note, confirming the report we had of Craigdarroch's being prisoner? I told. Write to her who would [wrote ?] that her husband was alive. I assured her of the contrary ; which, poor lady, she found to be true.
About the same time, three of Craigdarroch's children took the
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small-pox. Whenever I went In to see them, and looked on the second son, I was impressed he woidd die ; and this haunted me both in prayer for him, and whenever I looked on him; so firmly was I persuaded of it, that I told the lady and my wife that the child would die. The lady said, she could not observe the least symptom or evidence of it. I assured her she would find it so ; and so it fell out, for that child died by the small-pox, and the other two recovered. A little before the Revolution, I had a great desire to be acquainted with one Nicholas Dalrymple, an expe- rienced Christian, who lived about six miles from Craigdarroch, in the parish of Keir. I entreated my comrade, who was acquainted with her, to go along with me. When we came to her house, and had discoursed some time, I retired to the fields for secret prayer about midnight. When I went to pray, I was much straitened, and could not get one request, but Lord pity. Lord help ; this I came over frequently ; at length, the terror of Satan fell on me in a high degree, and all I could say even then was. Lord help. I continued in the duty for some time, notwithstanding of this terror. At length I got up to my feet, and the terror still increased ; then the enemy took me by the arm-pits, and seemed to lift me up by my arms. I saw a loch just before me, and I concluded he designed to drown me there by force ; and had he got leave to do so, it might have brought a great reproach upon religion ; but as I had frequently in my straitened case, and under this terror", cried to the Lord for help, so I may say my God helped me, and gave not the enemy power over me : however, I came in, and told the Christian woman and my comrade what the enemy had done ; and my comrade asked if I would go out with him and pray before we went to bed ? I agreed to it. He asked if we should go to the place where I had been before ? I told him I knew no interest the devil had in that place more than another ; on which we came to the place, but were no sooner at it than the terrors of Satan fell upon us both, and each of us strove to hide it from the other. At length I told my comrade that the enemy was nigh, or to this pur- pose. He answered, he found that, but had not a mind to mentioo
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it. The Lord, however, helped us to begin spiritual discourse, and to speak of the perfections of God and love in Christ, and the enemy troubled us no more. We went to prayer, and the Lord very much enlarged me, and was kind in spite of the enemy.
Some time after the Revolution, a boy about twelve years of age, in the neighbourhood, was frequently tempted by Satan to sell his interest in Christ. The boy abhorred the proposal, but was still haunted with it, and that for a considerable time : it troubled him so much that his relations feared he mig-ht lose the exercise of his reason. They sent one over with him to me. I was told his case before. When he came, he bursted out because of the enemy. I took him into the bam, and prayed that God would free him from the enemy, and made him pray likewise ; and after some discourse I prayed again, and after me the boy, and the Lord rebuked Satan that he never troubled him more. I had occasion to see him after he had been some time abroad, and he told me that the enemy had never got leave to assault him as he had done, and never perplexed him since we had prayed together.
Some time after this, my son John was servant with Mr Adam in Kirkoswald, and took a great swelling in both his legs, which came to such a pitch that he was obliged to quit his work and come home to me for a time. When he came, I was fiUed with compassion towards him, to see him in such distress ; on which, I went and prayed to God, the great Physician of soul and body, that he would condescend to direct to proper means for his recovery, and that he would bless the means, and heal my son. After prayer, it was suggested to me, and impressed on my spirit, to send for some sea-water and wash his legs with it. I did so immediately, and with once bathing of them, he was as well next morning as ever, and continues so till this day, for God sent his powerful word and healed him.
Much about that time I had a horse which was seized with an extraordinary distemper, frightful to look on ; all that could be applied for the removing of it was to no purpose, but still increased the more ; whereupon I humbly begged of God, that he who was
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tlie preserver both of man and beast, would direct me to some proper mean for his preservation, that I might not lose him, and" that he would make it useful. Immediately after, I was standing without with the horse : a stranger came past, who asked me what ailed him ? I told him. He directed me, by the good providence of God, to what woidd cure him. I immediately made the appli- cation, for the mean prescribed was easily obtained, and no sooner did but he was recovered from his trouble. This, dear children, I record that you may make errands to the throne of grace, even on the account of your beasts, and acknowledge him in all yoiu- ways, and he wiU direct your steps.
Much about the same time, a woman of my acquaintance being under the power of a spirit of discontent to that degree that she ran from her family, with a firm resolution never to return, her husband and daughters pursued after her, not knowing to what desperate courses Satan might drive her. When they got her back, she woidd not enter the dwelling-house, but staid in an out- chamber in o:reat discontent. As I came from the church on Sabbath, I happened, by the good hand of God upon me, by the way to meditate on a subject that suited her case. As I was pass- ing the house, it was borne in upon me to go and visit her, and drop something suitable to her tentation, because a candle was not lighted to put under a bushel ; and seeing the Lord had shown me the evil and danger of a discontented spirit, it was represented to me as my unquestionable duty, to help, if I could, the poor woman under her trouble : on this I went in, and finding her hus- band and daughters about her in the chamber, I discoursed for some time as the Lord enabled me, in order to rescue her from her bad frame, and afterwards prayed with them, and for them, and was much enlarged in the duty, helped to beg God would break the power of the tentation ; and accordingly I was made to remark, that I never after coidd see with her the least discontent with her lot, or ever hear of her falling again under the power of the tentation.
I forgot to tell you, that in the time of the Highland host before Bothwell, when we had no open vision, honest ministers being in
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danger of their lives, and many of them banished the country, I had occasion to hear Mr WiUiam Lamb preaching on the hill of Drumnilly, about two miles from the Bar, and sitting with my face to the south, I thought I saw, as it were, the heavens opened, and beheld the glory of God shining bright in the face of Jesus Christ; I saw such a wonderful display of all the divine perfections in their dazzling splendour, that I not only was made in a ravishing way to adore him for redeeming love, but for all that undeserved good- ness which he bestows on the very wicked. I was made to see somewhat of the excellent glory in every creature I set my eyes upon. Such a manifestation, or rather vision, of God, did I never meet with in the dispensation of the word, save one very like it on the Monday of a communion at Straiton, and it may be, must not expect till I be allowed to see him face to face, and know, even as I am known ; though I must own he has frequently satisfied me with the fatness of his house, and let me feel his power, and see his glory in all his ordinances, yet I never met with anything that came up to the foresaid manifestations, where I might truly say, " I was sick of love," and got as much of the new wine which goes down sweetly, as I was well able to bear ; and I must own, that what I met with on Drumnilly hill, before Bothwell engage- ment, did wonderfully confirm me in the faith, and remai'kably prepare me for continuing with Christ in his tentations, and kept me from thirsting after time's things, when he led me through the desert.
I shall only add one thing more, which is this, that having come to Kirkoswald on a certain time, as frequently I did, to spend a day in the church in prayer and meditation ; when I was at prayer in the session-house early in the morning, I heard a mighty noise at the church door, as of one knocking in great haste, I fancying that some sad thing had fallen out in the minister's family, because they knew what I was about, and never used to caU for me till I came in at night. This made me rise from prayer, and go to the door with speed, but found no person there ; lest it might have been a dog, I searched every seat in the church, both below
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and in the common loft, and found nothing ; wherefore, I returned to prayer again, and in the time of it, there was a great noise in the dead-chest or coffin which was hard by. I then understood it was Satan, but was not at all suifered to fall under his terror. I continued in the diity for a considerable time. My face was towards the coffin in which the noise was. When I rose up from prayer, I went and looked into the coffin, and saw nothing there ; and knowing that the enemy wanted to fright me from my duty, I sat down to read and meditate. No sooner was I begun than the enemy made a noise on the loft just above, and knocked as if one were calling another up ; on which, I looked up to him, or towards the place where he seemed to be, and assured the enemy, he should not make me search after him any more. The Lord whom I served did rebuke him, that he troubled me no more, and I left not the place or my duty till my ordinary time. That which the tempter seemed to have in view was to discourage me from coming to that place for prayer and meditation, for my conveniency was not great at home, and to be at some distance from the hurry and noise of the world, I chose to come to Kirkoswald, being acquainted with !Mr Adam, the minister, that so I might serve the Lord without distraction. It was my ordinary to set apart one day in the month for fasting and humiliation, prayer and meditation, and I found great quiet for it in the church of Kirkoswald. I stayed in the minister's when I was at that place, and went into the church in the morning about sunrising, and came not out till sunsetting, in the longest summer-day ; and in case matters went not well with me the first day, I usually spent the second, and sometimes the third day in the foresaid duties, and found this a great mean of holding my soul in life ; then I could say, " O how Ioa'C I thy law ! it is my meditation all the day ;" and it was ever with me, and 1 rejoiced when I found his word, " as one that findeth great spoil," and could say, "that I esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food." Now Satan knowing all this, thought to banish me from the place where I had best retirement, " but my God helped me."
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Having shown you, dear children, some of the exercises of soul I have been under, and some of the remarkable providences and returns of prayer I have met with, I shall now lay before you some meditations which were both refreshing and confirming to my soul ; and I lay them before you to recommend to you the too much neglected duty of meditation, and in order to commend glorious Christ and a life of faith to your never-dying souls.
The first meditation I shall give you an account of is what I found useful to me, on the Ix. of Acts, 22, proving that this is very Clnrist. I considered how it is proven that the Lord Jesus is the very Messiah and great Saviour, and what reasons might be given why such an important truth should be so fully proven as this has been. I find that Jesus is the very Christ Is clearly proven from the fol- lowing particulars.
1st, " To him gave all the prophets witness," Acts x. 43. They exactly described him long before he came Into the world, " as the seed of the woman that should bruise the head of the serpent ;" as the prophet, whom the Lord should raise up from among his people, hke unto Moses ; as the Shiloh to whom the gathering of the people should be, when at his coming " the sceptre should de- part from Judah, and the lawgiver from between his feet ;" as the child whom the Virgin should conceive, whose name should be Immanuel ; yea, they told where he should be born, and of what tribe and family, and the sufferings he should undergo, and the time when this Messiah should come and be cut off; yea, they foretold how remarkably the GentUes shoidd believe In his name, so that " to him gave all the prophets witness."
2dly, It is evident that the Jewish nation was expecting a Mes- siah about the time, the very time when Christ was born ; and Herod seemed to be fully persuaded of it, when he bade inquire where he should be bom, and they told to him that It should be In Bethlehem according to Scripture, where we know he Avas born ; and Herod and those about him were so convinced that he was come into the world, that he slew many children, expecting to have cut him off who had been the expectation of the Jews. The pro-
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pliets had testified so distinctly concerning the Messiah, that the Jews had no difficulty in understanding that he was to come whom the prophets so exactly described.
3dly, That Jesus was the true Messiah was testified by all sorts of witnesses ; good angels witnessed of him when he was to be conceived, when he was born, when he rose from the dead, and Avhen he ascended up into heaven, as you may read in the New Testament. God also bore testimony to him by a voice from heaven at several times, that he was " his only begotten Son," and the great prophet whom he enjoins all to hear. He also had the testimony of his very enemies, yea, the devils were forced to own his being the very Christ, and he wanted not the testimony of many friends and followers.
4thly, "When Christ entered upon his public ministry, he asserted that he was the promised Messiah, and that he had the great quali- fications and characters which were foretold of the Messiah ; for when he entered into the synagogue, he declares that the Sj^irit of the Lord was upon him, and that the Scripture which he read to them was fulfilled in him ; and that he was the Son of God, and promised Messiah, he frequently maintained before his greatest enemies.
5thly, TMien he called himself the Son of God and Messiah, he fully proved it by many miracles which he wrought, so that his many great and mighty works bore witness of him, and the Jews expected that when the Messiah shoidd come, he would work miracles. Now it is sufficiently and fully proven by om- Lord's miracles that he was the Son of God, and the miracles he wrouo-lit were many, were openly done before many enemies, and fully proved that he and his doctrine were of God. God would never have lent his power to an impostor to do such things, and this shows that he was the true Christ.
6thly, The doctrine he delivered to the world is every way worthy of God, and exactly calculated to make people that obey it happy in time and through eternity.
7thly, Our Lord Jesus prophesied of, and foretold many thino-s
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which came exactly to pass, as his death and resurrection, the preaching of the Gospel through the world, and the destruction of the temple, and his sending down the Spirit from on high, and that he would be with his servants to the end of the world ; and it is evident that all these have had an exact accomplishment, and to this day he Is yet with his servants in the dispensation of the word and sacraments ; and all this shows that he is the very Christ, the great prophet that was promised to the world.
8thly, It is proven that Jesus is the very Christ by his resur- rection from the dead ; by this he was declared to be the Son of God with power, though his enemies watched the sepulchre, and had sealed the stone, yet it was not possible that " the Holy One should see corruption ;" therefore, as he died for his people's offences, so he rose for their justification, and when he arose, he appeared to many witnesses, and at different times, and to witnesses that were well acquainted with him in his life, and that conversed with him forty days after his resurrection ; they were witnesses that could not be deceived themselves, nor had they any the least tentation to deceive others : they endured the greatest sufferings, yea, death, the most cruel death, for preaching and adhering to the doctrine of the resurrection ; therefore, as it is fully proven by many honest and creditable witnesses, that Christ rose from the dead as he had foretold, so this his resurrection proves that he was the very Christ, for God would never have given his almighty power to raise up an impostor.
9thly, As Jesus rose again, so he ascended up into heaven, and was received to the greatest dignity, power, and glory, at the right hand of the Majesty on high, and thence poured down his Spirit upon his apostles and disciples in such an extraordinary manner and measure, that they were enabled to speak all sorts of languages, though they were but mean fishermen, and had not the learning of those times, and this prepared them excellently for going through the nations of the world, and preaching the glad tidings of salvation to the poor heathen, and this proves him to be Christ.
lOthly, The Lord Jesus enabled his apostles and disciples to
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 465
work miracles in his name, and that frequently and openly ; and this fully proves that he is the Son of God, the true Messiah ; yea, on whomsoever they laid their hands, they gave them this power of working miracles in the name of Christ their Lord.
In the 11th place, As Jesus promised to be with his disciples in carrying the gospel through the world, so he was as good as his word, and enabled twelve poor fishermen to convert the world to the Christian faith, and that in opposition to all that was done against them by Jew and Gentile; and this proves that the doctrine they carried was from God, and that the founder of Christianity was the very Christ, and Saviour of the world, and no other reason can be given why the gates of hell have not been able to prevail against the Church of Christ to this very day, so as to raze it quite to the foundation, but this, that he whose name is Jesus is the little stone cut out of the mount without hands, and is the stone, the tried stone, the precious corner-stone, which God laid in Zion for a foundation, and though the builders in Israel rejected him, yet is he made the he'ad stone of the corner, and they who beheve on him shall never be ashamed.
In the 12th place. It is sufficiently proven to every serious believer, that Jesus is the very Christ and Son of God, in their sweet experience.
First, They feel his word to be a word of power to their souls, in their reading, hearing, and meditating on it, to this very day ; they find the power of God frequently accompanying the dispensation of the word, convincing, converting, sanctifying, comforting, direct- ing, and building up their souls in their most holy faith ; they find the word of Christ enabling them to walk in ways pleasing to and worthy of God, and in ways best for themselves and the society they are members of; yea, they find in their experience, that the way wherein Christ has bid his followers go is a way of safety, pleasantness, and peace ; and this shows to them that Christ is the power of God, and the wisdom of God, and what he has given himself out to be, even the Son of God.
2clly, The people of God, in their experience, know less or n.ore VOL. II. 2 G
4G6 A KARE SOUL-STRENGTIIENING AND
that God is the hearer of prayer, and the prayers he hears are put up in the name of Christ, depending only on his merits and inter- cession for acceptance, and on his Spirit for assistance to pray ; and this sufficiently confirms them in the sure belief of Jesus being the very Christ ; yea, they not only believe that he is the only Saviour, but God equal with the Father ; and this I firmly believe, that the Lord Jesus Christ is the eternal Son of God, and God equal with the Father, the same in substance, and equal with him in power and glory ; and the reason why I believe this is, because it is expressly declared, that he created all things, and that by him all things to this day consist ; yea, all the perfections of God are ascribed to him, by which God distinguisheth himself from every creature ; yea, the worship which God appoints for himself is given to the eternal Son, and men enjoined to honour the Son as they honour the Father. On such accounts as these am I persuaded that glorious Christ is God, and God equal with the Father ; and in this faith have I put up many supplications in the name of Christ, and must say, have been speedily answered, which I persuade myself God would never do if his eternal Son were not God equal with liim, as I beheve, for he will not give his glory to another, nor take it well that his worship be given to any creature. When I firmly believe that Christ is God equal with the Father, and in this faith beg favours from God, and God readily grants them, this to me is a testimony from God himself, that his Son is equal to him, and lays me under the greatest obligation to continue firm in this belief. Therefore, dear children, be stedfast in the faith, not only of this, that Jesus is the true Clirist, and that his doctrine is from God, but O, be stedfast and unmoveable in this great article of our faith, that "there are three persons in the Godhead, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and that these three are one God, the same in substance, and equal in power and glory ;" and O study to know God as the hearer of the prayers put up in the name of Christ, and tliis may fully satisfy you, that Jesus is the very Christ, the true and eternal God ; for you may be assured, God never would encourage any to put up requests to him in the name of an impostor and deceiver.
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 467
A third experience wliicli satisfies believers that Jesus is the true Christ is this : Whenever they are convinced of their sin, and guilt stares them in the face, there is nothing in heaven or earth that can give them ease till they get as it were their sins nailed to the cross of Christ, and this I have frequently found in my expe- rience ; and having washed in the fountain of Christ's blood, I have found joy and peace in believing, and this satisfieth me that Jesus is the very Christ.
A fourth experience is this. That glorious Christ, according to his promise, to this very time does manifest himself to some, otherways than he does to the world ; and this I have found, when he has drawn by [aside] the vail, and shown me all the perfections of God shining bright in the face of Jesus, so as I have been made to call him the Power of God, and the Wisdom of God, and have found these displays of his glory always inclining me to live the more so " as to deny all ungodliness and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world, and to study to have a conscience void of offence toward God and toward man." Yea, by these manifestations have I been encouraged to continue wdth him in his tentations, and with cheerfulness take up his cross and foUow him through all discouragements, and have found his con- solations so sensible and strong, so supporting and rejoicing under the sorest affliction, that it proves to me that Jesus, whose name is like ointment poured forth, to me is indeed the true Christ, though strangers intermeddle not with this joy.
In the last place. If Jesus M^ere not the true Christ, these absur- dities would necessarily follow :
First, That all the miracles wrought by him, and in his name, were wrought by the power and policy of Satan ; but how absurd is this to imagine that the devil would work miracles to confirm a doctrine so opposite to, and destructive of, his kingdom of darkness ?
2dly, That God had bestowed his incommunicable perfections upon an impostor, to make him capable of deceiving the world, which would be the grossest blasphemy to allege.
Therefore, it is sufficiently proven that Jesus is the tnie Christ.
4G8
A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
The reasons why this is so fully proven seem to be :
First, Because this true Christ is God as well as man ; and this being a great mystery, it is the more fully confirmed by God : " Great is the mystery of godliness, God manifested in the flesh ;" therefore was it so necessary that he should be justified by the Spirit in the working of miracles, accomplishing predictions, carry- ing the gospel through the world, and doing good to souls thereby.
2dly, It was fit that this should be so well proven, because of the great superstructure that was to be built hereon ; for on this Eock, Christ being the true Messiah and Son of God, has he built his Church, and " the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."
3dly, It is sufficiently proven, because of the great opposition that should be made against it. This was early and strongly opposed from the beginning, and the spirit of eiTor did soon appear, as Peter declares, 2d Epistle ii. 1, " But there were false pro- phets among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction." And this spirit of error is now coming in like a flood, and the dragon spewing out of his mouth many heresies to drown the w^oman and the man child ; but the Spirit of Truth has lifted up a standard against error hitherto, and will yet do it ; for though many are now making war with the Lamb, yet the Lamb shall overcome them, " for he is King of kings, and Lord of lords," and they that are and will be with liim, and will earnestly contend for him, " are called, chosen and faithful."
Now, dear children, seeing God has suflSciently proven that Jesus is the true Christ, and that his doctrine is from God, and he the promised Messiah and great Saviour of the world, and seeing this is so fully proven, that we might beheve that Jesus is the Son of God, and that they who do not believe may be inexcusable, O will ye beg of God to help yovi to believe all that is so clearly revealed concerning Christ, and see that ye fly to him for your city of refuge ? It is proven that he is Christ, therefore venture your Bouls on this rock of salvation ; and O see that ye name the name
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 4G9
of Christ so as to depart from iniqultv. O welcome the Anointed of the Father as your Prophet, Priest, and King, and every day search the Scriptures, which testify of this Christ, and see ye live to him, and study to know your interest in him ; and if ye do his will, ye shall know that his doctrine is of God. Now, as this meditation which the Lord helped me to, has been both many times refreshing and establishing to my soul, I wish the Lord make it so to you.
My dear children, my strength falhng me, and my eartlily house hastening to be dissolved, I shall not add any more of these medi- tations, which have been very sweet to me, excepting in so far as they fall in with my last advices to you, and which I shall give you with dying breath and care, as foUows : —
First, Set apart some time every day for reading God's word ; read it with observation, depenc^ng on God to make it useful to your souls ; compare Scripture with Scrlptm'e, as my custom was, and meditate therein both day and night, and see you study to think, speak, and act, according to the law of liberty, by which ye shall be judged.
2dly, Beg of God to let you see your lost state by nature and practice before it be too late.
3dly, Fly to the city of refuge with all speed, and close with Christ as your Prophet, Priest, and King, who came to seek and save them that were lost, for " there is no other name given under heaven by Avhich we can be saved."
4thly, Learn to live by faith. In all the various acceptations in which faith is taken in the word of God.
1. Believe that God is, and that he is a rewarder of all those who diligently seek him, Heb. xl. 6.
2. Believe all that is written in the Scripture to be the word of God, Acts xxiv. 14.
3. Believe all the mysteries of the Christian religion revealed by God, though at present ye cannot comprehend them, but in your dark and depraved state, are ready to cry out, " IIow can these things be ?"
470 A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
4. Believe fimily that God will in due time fulfil his faithful promise, though never so many dispensations of providence should seem to stand in the way thereof, Eom. iv. 18, 19, 20, 21.
6. Live by faith so as to trust in God as your all-sufficient help, when all outward helj) and comfort are far out of sight, Hab. iii. 17.
6. Live by faith, so as to renew your choice of Christ daily, and trust on him alone for complete salvation, as made of God unto you wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, giving him employment in all his offices and relations, John i. 11, 12 ; Gal. ii. 20.
7. Live by faith, so as to depend on God's fatherly care, for food to eat and raiment to put on, Luke xii. 22, to the 29th verse.
8. So live by faith, as to be stedfast in the faith, adhering closely to the fundamental articles of the £Ihristian religion, and the whole doctrine of Christianity, in your several stations, contending earnestly for the faith once delivered to the saints, Jude 3.
My meditation on this of Hving by faith has been useful to my soul ; may it be so to yours.
Now, O live by faith, dear children, for without it, it is impos- sible to jjlease God, Heb. xi. 6. Without it, you must die in your sins, John viii. 24. Without this, dark dispensations of Pro\'idence will make you stagger at the promise, and cry out with Mary, Luke i. 34, " How can these things be ?" Without faith, all out- ward help will fail you, Acts xxvii. 20 ; and it is only by faith you can look on things not seen by the bodily eye, " even the things which are eternal," 2 Cor. iv. 18.
Sthly, I advise you to choose affliction rather than sin, and suffering when called thereto, rather than deny the faith, or make a shipwreck of a good conscience ; you know not what fiery trials you may yet meet with for righteousness' sake. Though Jerusa- lem has been by Zion's God made a quiet habitation for near forty years, yet we may say the bellows are burned, the lead consumed in the fire, and the founder mclteth in vain, for the filthy are filthy still; so that God may yet again set up his furnace in Zion, and
COMFORTING CORDIAL.
471
heat it seven times more, till he pm-ge away the filth of the daugh- ters of ZIon.
Now, dear children, if the Lord of Hosts come as a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap, who may abide the day of his coming, and who shall stand when he appeareth ? Be stedfast and unmoveable, strong in the faith, and quit yourselves like men ; be valiant for the truth upon earth, and the truth shall make you free ; depend on God, who gives not only to believe but to suffer for his name, and he will help you to continue with him in his tentations ; thus shall ye have the testimony of a good conscience, which all your adver- saries shall not be able to rob you of, and if ye suffer with him, ye shall also reign with him, and your light affliction, which wiU be but for a'moment, shall work for you a far more exceeding and eter- nal weight of glory. I must own to his praise and glory that God dealt well with my soul when he led me into the wilderness, and as I escaped the sword of the enemy, so I found grace in the wil- derness ; yea, during my nine years' suffering, I was much filled with joy and peace in believing ; I was made to take joyfldly the spoiling of my goods, and with pleasure for his name's sake wan- dered in deserts and in mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. I lay four months in the coldest season of the year in a hay-stack in my father's garden, and a whole February in the open fields not far from Camragen, and this I did without the least prejudice from the night air: one night, when lying in the fields near to the Carrick- Miln, I was all covered with snow in the morning. Many nights have I lain with pleasure in the churchyard of Old Daily, and made a grave my pillow ; frequently have I resorted to the old walls above the glen, near to Camragen, and there sweetly rested. And as God was very kind by night and day to my soul, so he preserved me from the fear of Satan — the enemy did not molest or affright me in my solitary hiding-places ; yea, the Lord assured me that he had made for me a covenant with all the beasts of the field, so that I was not afraid to sleep in those very places where poi- sonous creatures did most frequently resort, neither received I at any time the least prejudice from them, or any of the beasts of the
472 A RARE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
field. All this, dear children, is well known to your mother, who was my comfortable companion in many of my tribidations, and I acquaint you with them, that ye may be encouraged to follow the Lord fully through good report and bad report, were it even as through the swellings of Jordan. I must own, as I have mourned for Zion in the day of her distress, so I have been comforted in Jerusalem, and have sucked and been satisfied with the breasts of their consolations, and much delighted with the abundance of her glory ; and I can sincerely declare, that notliing so much recon- ciled my heart to my seventy-three years' pilgrimage through this wilderness, as my concern for Zion did, for my witness is in heaven and my record on high, that I could give him no rest day nor night till he would make Jerusalem a i)raise in the earth. And now when I am bidding an everlasting adieu to every thing below, it is the grief of my soid to see error and profaneness coming in upon Zion like a flood. Nevertheless this is my comfort, that the " gates of hell shall never prevail against her," and that it is not possible that the elect should be for ever deceived ; all the divine perfections are engaged for the Church purchased with Christ's blood, and therefore I know he will arise and have mercy upon Zion, when the time, the set time to favour her is come, and into his hands I commend her, into whose hands I am soon to commend my spu'it.
6thly, I beseech you be much in prayer to God, who is the hearer of prayer, and rely wholly on Christ for assistance and ac- ceptance ; whatever others do, see that you and your houses serve the Lord. I have told you how the Lord hath frequently pre- pared my heart, and bowed down his ear to hear, on purpose to encourage you in the same exercise.
7thly, When any of your souls is cast down and disquieted within you, through a sense of indwelling sin or the hiding of God's face, I advise you to guard against a speedy razing of the foun- dation : rather trust in God that ye shall yet praise him, and let the following particulars be your grounds of comfort :
1. Though ye be verily guilty, ye have without known guile fled
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 473
to the city of refuge, and given your consent that Christ should be yours on his own terms, Heb. vi. 18.
2. His covenant is well ordered, everlasting, and sure, and Christ is the surety of it, 2 Sam. xxiii. 5.
3. Plead his promise as Jacob did of old. Gen. xxxii. 12, " And thou sayest, I will surely do thee good ;" and say with the Psalmist, Psalm cxxx. 5, " I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope."
4. Plead his mercy, Psalm cxxx. 4, " For there is forgiveness ■with him," and in the 7th verse, " Let Israel hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is mercy and plenteous redemption."
5. Plead upon the former displays of his mercy to others in for- mer ages, in like circumstances with you, as in Psalm Ixxxv. 2, " Thou hast forgiven the iniquity of thy people, thou hast covered all their sin." See also Psalm cv. 43, 44, 45 verses.
6. Encourage yourselves even in this, that it is a great mercy it is no worse with you. Lam. iii. 22, " It is of the Lord's merciea that we are not consumed."
7. Draw comfort also from this, that though he chasten his people in time, he will not cast off for ever ; but though he cause grief, yet wiU he have compassion, according to the multitude of his mercies. Lam. iii. 31, 32 ; see also 1 Kings xi. 39.
8. The Lord allows you to cry unto him from the ends of the earth, when your heart is overwhelmed, " and there is a Rock he can lead you to that is higher than you," Psalm Ixi. 2 ; Ixxxvi. 7.
9. Though iniquities, as ye must confess, prevail against you, " yet the Lord will purge away your transgressions," Psalm Ixv. 3; Psalm cxxx. 3, 4. When ye can say, that ye count yourselves wretched and miserable, because of prevailing corruption, and groan, being burdened on the account of it, the Comforter that can relieve your soul is not far from you ; he will turn again and have compas- sion, and subdue your iniquity, and will cast aU your sins into the depths of the sea ; " he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy," Micah vii. 18, 19.
10. Remember former kindness, even the days and years of
474 A EAEE SOUL-STRENGTHENING AND
the right hand of the Most High, and own with the Psahnist, Ps. XXX. 11, "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing, thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness ;" and cry out, as in the xlii. Psahn, 6, " O my God, my soul is cast down within me, therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar."
11. Ye can appeal unto God that ye take no evil way nor course under your trouble, when ye are crying out, " Even to-day is my complaint bitter, my stroke is heavier than my groaning ;" ye can also say with Job, xxiii. 10, " But he knoweth the way that I take ;" and ye resolve to be able to say, as in the 11th and 12th verses, " My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept and not de- clined, neither have I gone back from the commandments of his lips ; I esteem the words of his mouth more than my necessary food ;" see also Ps. cxlii. 3, " When my spmt was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path."
12. Though for the present ye have lost all hope in your appre- hension, yet it is no small mercy that you are not j:)ut beyond all possibility of hope ; argue, then, with the Church of old. Lam. iii. 21, 22, 39, " This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope ; it is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed." " Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins ?" After all, cry out with the Psalmist, " Why art thou cast down, O my soul ? and why art thou disquieted within me ? still hope in God ; for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."
8thly, I advise you seriously to consider your latter end. Dent. xxxii. 29, " O that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would consider their latter end !" Remember, dear children, that God has made you rational creatures capable of serious con- sideration, and yom' latter end is what God calls you to consider in a special manner. Death may well be called all men's latter end, because it placeth them aU in an unchangeable state, either of happiness or misery ; and who will not wish to die well ? even a Balaam cried out, " Let me die the death of the righteous, and let
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 475
my latter end be lilce his." To bear in mind how frail you are is the way to engage you so to number your days, as to apply your hearts to real wisdom. Beware of trifling away precious time as too many do ; study to fill up every part of time with proper duties, and be sure to choose the way that leads to a happy latter end ; do with all your might whatever your hands find to do, for there is no work, wisdom, device, or knowledge in the silent grave, whither you hasten. All sin will be bitterness in the latter end, therefore guard against it, for the wages of sin is death, and will make the sting of it terrible.
This now is the accepted time, and the day of salvation— so spend time as in it to work out your own salvation with fear and trem- bling, for as the tree falls it will lie ; frequently think on death, judgment, and eternity ; there will be a resurrection both of just and unjust, and God hath appointed a day wherein he will judge the world in righteousness by the man Christ Jesus ; then shall the books be opened, and every one must give an account of all the deeds done in the body, whether they have been good, or whether they have been evil. I shall shut up this advice by telling you, dear children, what will be a good cordial for a never- dying soul — when going through the shadowy vale, to be able to say with the sweet singer of Israel, " Although my house be not so with God, yet hath he made with me an everlasting covenant, well ordered in all things, and sure ; and this is all my salvation and all my desire, though he make not any outward comforts to grow," 2 Sam. xxiii. 5. And to be allowed the well-grounded hope of his supporting and comforting presence through the shadowy vale, then may one say in the prospect of death, " I will fear none ill, for thou art with me," Psalm xxiii. 4.
Sweet also will be the testimony of a good conscience in dying moments, 2 Cor. i. 12, " For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in godly simplicity and sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conver- sation in the world." How sweet will this be, when the Spirit bears witness with our spirits, that we are the children of God !
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Rom. vlii. 16. How ravishing will it be to hear our Lord say, " Well (lone, good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of thy Lord !" Matth. xxv. 21. O study to be found in Christ, clothed with his righteousness, and give all diligence to make your calling and election sure ; and so an abundant entrance will be ministered to you into the heavenly kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. If once you know in whom you have believed, then may you cheerfully shake hands with cold death, and cry with the apostle, 2 Cor. v. 1, " We know that when the earthly house of our tabernacle shall be dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, which will be eternal in the heavens ;" and with Job, xix. 25, "I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth : and though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God, whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another, though my reins be consumed within me." And why may not we, who have that blessed hope, cry out with holy bold- ness, " O death, where is thy sting ?" " Even so, Amen, come, come quickly, Lord Jesus."
Dear children, my last advice to you is, see that ye study per- fect holiness in the fear of the Lord — be ye holy, as He who has called you is holy, in all manner of conversation, for without holi- ness no man shall see the Lord ; and every one that hath the well- grounded hope of seeing God as he is must purify himself as he is pure. Pray much, then, for the Spirit of holiness, and for your encouragement, remember that sanctlfication is promised to the Lord's people, and therefore they may as their privilege, and should as their duty, go daily to God by prayer and seek it. That it is promised is plain from Ezek. xxxvi., from the 25th verse to the 32d, as also Micali vil. 19, and Rom. vi. 14. Yea, it is not only promised, but it is a part of Christ's purchase to his people, as you may see. Tit. ii. 14; Heb. x. 10 ; Eph. v. 25, 2Q, 27 ; John xvii. 19 ; 1 Cor. i. 30 ; Col. i. 22 ; 1 John Hi. 3 ; 1 Peter i. 18, 19.
Having then such great and precious promises, see that, in dc-
COMFORTING CORDIAL. 477
pendance on the Spirit of Christ, ye cleanse yourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord. May then the very God of peace sanctify you wholly ; and I pray God with dying breath, your whole spu'it and soul and body be preserved blameless, unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
MEMOIR
MRS GOODAL,
WTIITTEN BY HERSELF.
NOTE.
The following Memoir of Mrs Goodal is printed, we believe, for the first time, from a MS. in the Library of the Faculty of Advocates. It is designed, along with other Female Biographies akeadj printed, to exhibit the stedfastness with which all classes adhered to principle, and endured affliction on its account, during the times to which the Narrative refers. The MS. is quoted bj Dr M'Crie, in his edition of the Memoirs of George Brysson, as fixing certain dates, and is valuable, not merely on that account, but as illustrating, by another instance, the process by which men are prepared to endure the great fight of afflictions, by which the holiest are often the most severely tried, when great principles are about to be established, or re-asserted in the world.
MEMOIR
MRS GOODAL.
'ERE, I declare, I do believe my lost estate in Adam, ^1.^ I find myself so polluted in my miserable condition, wherein I find myself all over, in my understanding, and will, and affections, in an estate of estranged- ness from God. His holy law, which is given to me to be my rule to walk by — it is my judge, I cannot obey it ; I am summoned to the bar of God's justice, and there I stand sentenced and condemned by God and my own conscience. This did not appear to me so dangerous an estate as indeed it was, (though I was born and brought up in the place where I had occasion to have the benefite of the preaching of the gospell in power and purity,) untill the year 1677, the Lord discovered my lost estate to me. I saw nothing but wrath and displeasure from the Lord ; and that which I thought shoidd have (as I thought) given me relief, it increased my sorrow. I found no comfort in the use of any means, either publick or privat. Wlien I went to the Lord to seek relief, I durst not say any thing but," O ! lost, lost ; O ! if there were mercy for an hypocrite ! and, when I was thus tossed, I thought I was a reprobat destined to damnation, so that I needed not to seek VOL. II. 2 H
482 MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL.
salvation through Jesus Christ, for there was no mercy for me, (though I knew he had abundance of mercy for all the sins of the elect ;) thus I continued under tliis case more nor [than] a quarter of a year. It came to that, after a moneth, that I could not endure it. I went to a minister, and told liim my sad condition with a heavy heart. He (it was Mr Archibald Hamilton, minister of Ardmagh in Ireland) instructed me, and what course I should take, he told me ; and gave good ground from the word of God, that I, finding myself a lost sinner, had a right to lay hold on Jesus Christ, and that purchased redemption which he had provided for sinners, for he came to seek and to save that which was lost. That which he thought should have yeelded me comfort, it did aggravat my trouble, for I thought it did not belong to me. When he saw that nothing could prevail, he gave me an advice, to begin at the Psalms of David, and read from that to the Revelation ; he assured me, before I had done, I should find ground of hope, for the Spirit of God wrought with the word.
I took his counsel ; I did begin at the Psalms ; I read with grief and torment, because I durst not apply the promise ; I was destitute of any sensible comfort, from any anth, ^ untill the 15th day of June 1 677, a day never to be forgotten. I was reading in Isaiah the fiftie-fomih chapter ; when I did begin my heart did warm, and when I read the 4th verse, I found it was to me, and when I did read the 5th verse. Thy Maker is thy husband ; the Lord of hosts is his name ; and thy Eedeemer the Holy One of Israel ; the God of the whole earth shall he be called, 6th verse, For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast reflised, saith thy God, 7th verse. For a small moment have I forsaken thee ; but with great mercies will I gather thee, 8th verse. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment ; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. 9th verse, For this is as the waters of Noah unto me : for as I have sworn
^ Quarter.
MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL. 483
that the Avaters of Noah should no more go over the earth ; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee, 10th verse, For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee, — this Scripture did swallow me up : I knew not what to do; it answered all my objections, it took away all my fear. I was not able to bear the weight of love that the Lord did manifest to me.
0 ! the height ; O ! the depth ; O ! the length, and the breadth, of that eternall love wherewith he loved his own before the world was.
I embraced Jesus Christ for my Saviour upon his own tearms, to be my king, priest, and prophet. I gave myself away to him to be his for ever. I found a sensible change. I mourned over my sins, because Christ laid down his life for me ; then that Scripture was made out to me, They shall look upon me, whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him as one that moumeth for his only son, (Zechar. xii. 10.)
0 ! love that laid down his life for me. I have no ground to fear or doubt, for he hath sealed me with the Spirit of promise. I do believe that the Spu-it, speaking with the word, is as sure a way, and is as certainly the Lord's way of dealing with his people under the gospell, as his speaking to Moses, and giving him the law upon Mount Sinai. O ! blessed law-maker, he set it before me to let me see my lost estate. O ! blessed law-keeper, he has payed the debt, and answered all that justice can seek or require of me ; he has sent me to the law to be my rule — the law sends me to Christ to make use of him. O ! blessed Jesus, he has taken away the curse of the law. O ! sweet law, it's the joy of my heart, it lets me see
1 have continual need to make use of Christ.
After this discoverie of the Lord's love to me, I lived under the sensible impression of the love of Christ, his ordinances were sweet, I sat down under his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
1 must make mention of three communion dayes the Lord
484 MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL.
tiysted me with in Scotland. The first was at East Nlsbet, In the year 1678, in the spring of the year. Another at Carrick, Aug. 4, 1678. And the third, in the South, at Cherrietrees. They were in the fields, in the time of sad persecution. I set them down, to keep me in mind what confirming dayes they were unto me. He made his love known to me, and he drew my heart after liim in covenant transactions with him : tongue cannot express it ; it is better felt nor it can be exprest.
Thus I lived, without the least questioning of his love, though I knew his comings and liis goings. He gave me full submission to be disposed at his pleasure, for he said, " I will never leave thee nor forsake thee ;" thus I stand under the sense of my obligation to him who hath purchased this freedom for me.
There is something of a stem [check] lately risen in my heart, by reason of a strong temptation (I cannot set it down) which Satan did present to my thought, which strake at the foundation of my com- fort. O ! the depths of Satan's subtilty, and our depraved nature that he has to work upon ; but blessed be God that lets not Satan get the victory.
And when I was tossed, I was tiysted with a mercifull dispensa- tion of the Lord, in the ninth and tenth day of Januarie 1686, wherein I heard that sweet subject spoken to by a minister (Mr James Kirton, in Rotterdam in Holland) of Christ, of covenanting with the Lord. There were three wayes of covenanting he spoke of. 1, By the thoughts of the heart. 21ie, By word of mouth. Slie, By subscribing to the Lord with the hand.
I had done the first two, but I had not done the third ; this made me sit and write an account of the Lord's dealing with me, and to shew my obligation to him, I do here, with my whole heart, and with my whole soul, take Christ to be my Saviour, upon his own tearms, and I give myself away to him, to be his for ever ; and, in testimonie hereof, I subscribe with my hand to the Lord, The 24th January 1686.
And, after the year 1691, I returned with my husband to Scot- land. My heart did cleave to all the testimonies that those who laid
MEMOIR OP MRS GOODAL. 485
down their lives did give, wittnessing for the glorious work of reformation from papesie and prelacy, from the testimonie of the Noble Earle [Marquis] of Argyle, and famous Mr James Guthrie, to famous Mr Daniel [Donald] Cargill, with all those of that fair number that suffered after them. I, as. a member of this Church of Scotland, being born, and baptized, and brought up in it, I, as a witness to the renewing of the Solemn League and Covenant in 1648, I held up my hand. I have lived to see this day of sad defection that this poor Church is groaning under this day, spirituall judge- ments, impenitence, and hardness of heart ; and here I have set down the Lord's former love to me.
I come now to speak of my present condition. At my first coming from Holland, I found a difference in my hearing of the gospell ; I found not that which I found in the persecuting times, when our faithfid ministers were driven to the mountains ; nor as I found it in our Church before cursed prelacy came in : and what wad I do ? it was that way by the Word and Spirit that the Lord mett with me in his lively ordinances, and now they were dry, my soul found nothing. I thought the blame was in myself ; I Avas not so straitened in my secret approach to ye Lord in privat dutie, which keeped up my spirit ; this was some weeks after my landing.
On a Sabbath, going to church, a word was darted in my soul, ''Spring up, O well," with so much heat andwarmness, that it stayed with me many dayes. When I came home and found the word, Numb. 21st chap. 17th verse. Then sang Israel this song, Spring up, O well ; sing ye unto it : 18th verse, The princes digged ye well, the nobles of the people digged it, by the du-ection of the lawgiver, immediatlie I applyed it to the covenant, wherein the Lord took Scotland to be his people, and we swore to be his people, and that (though enemies burnt the covenant, broke the covenant, and then burned it) the Lord shoidd be our God ; we all know the tearms upon wliich we covenanted with God. It did not become Scotland to be silent, when so many famous witnesses had laid doAAm their lives adhering to the covenant.
Had our work been to mourn for our breach of covenant Avith
486 MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL.
God ! had all ranks of persons in the land followed the practice of those that went before us, set down in our Confession of Faith, and acknowledgement of sin, and engadgement to duties of our day ! but this is a dutie which we have neglected, which the Church is groaning under this day. And what sad steps of defection this poor covenanted land has made ; everie one, in their station, privat Christians and public persons, are guiltie herein. And, alas ! alas ! our work is hid from our eyes, and it will never be well with Scot- land, nor with covenanted Britain and Ireland, untill there be a particular and honest confession of, and mourning for, our nationall departing out of the Lord's way.
I come now to my own particular case. I have sadly smarted in having a hand in the present guilt of the nation. I all way es was conscious of my weakness and insufficiency for giving a testimonie for his great interest, but I must acknowledge, to the praise of his rich grace, that I was by his providence kept from publique steps of defection that some of the poor weak saints have fallen in. I had not that temptation that some of his people had (though I want not my own guilt) to lead them into snares, for the Lord blest me with a worthy godly husband, whom the Lord helped to give an honest testimonie to his interest in his privat station, and whom I walked with hand in hand, with a joint spirit, so that in all his sufferings, he and I had cordiall joynt unity, in love and con- cord strengthening one another's hands, which made our marryed lot sweet. At his death, his regrate to me was, that he had not left under his hand, in record, what the Lord had done to him and me in strengthening and bearing us up in all his providences towards us, and especiallie the Lord's love in making his comforts unutterably sweet to both our souls in our witnessing against prelacie. He lamented on his deathbed his not recording the Lord's goodness to him, both for spiritual mercies and sLnglar providences, as to his soul's condition, and for common providences, as to his temporal and outward condition, and enjoyned me to do it. He declared liis mind very faithfully both to ministers and professors who came to visite him, which yielded him great joy and peace.
MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL. 487
He was a man of a very singularly holy life ; lie made it his diligent studie carefullie to keep himself from sin, and was of a very tender conscience. He neither connived at sin in himself, nor in his family, nor in any he conversed with, but was a sharp reprover of it; and I, who was his mfe forty-three years, ^ and some odd moneths, never knew him guiltie of making a ly, or any thing like an equi- vocation ; all that ever knew him can bear wittness of it. He was a burning and shining light in his day, and this was my great mercy, I was marryed to such a* godly husband, who was taken away by death on Saturday evening, the 14th of December 1700.
A little after my husband and I went to Ireland to dwell, ^ the prelatick party began to thrust out the honest and faithful Presby- terian ministers, and to estabUsh the prelats in their room and place. Our second son, Sampson, was baptized by Mr Hope Sherid, minister of Ardmagh, where we dwelt before he was put out of his church. Afterwards, when faithful ministers had no liberty to preach publiquely, Joseph, our third son, was baptized by Mr Thomas Kennedie, minister of Dungannon. Our landlord, Samson Thaker, desired my husband to baptize Joseph with the curat, but he answered, I do not belong to their Church, and, therefore, will have nothing to do with abjured prelats. After that, we had two other children baptized with Presbyterian ministers.
They who would not comply with the prelats to hear curats, or observe the king's birthday, Christmass day, or other supersti- tious days, which they appointed, such persons were warned to the bishop's official court ; and when they appeared at the court, every man payed a groat, and was not called in question for any thing untill the next year, after that they payed a groat at the same court again. But my husband would not answer any of their courts, nor pay them any thing at all ; and when Mr Thaker pleaded earnestly with him to go to the church, he desired him only to go in and come presently out again ; and when he re- fused that, he having a concerned care to excuse my husband at the
' She was married in the Summer of 1657.
2 They removed to Ireland soon after the Eestoration.
488 MEMOIR OP MRS GOODAL.
prelats' hands, he desired him only to come into the entry mthout the church door, that he might say that he saw him there, and satisfy the prelats with that account. But my husband refused that also, and would not make any shew or appearance of comj^lying with them in any thing, for he durst not in conscience mock God and deceive man at that rate.
The prelats were so enraged at my husband's zeal, that they proceeded against him with the censure of their Kirk. When they coidd not prevail with him, neither with their promises nor threat- enings, so they excommunicat my husband, and other eighteen of the professors of the parish of Ardmagh, because they came not such a full length as they would have had them, although they answered their courts. Mr Pedine told my husband, that, by the prelatick excommunication, he was casten out of the devill's count- book.
In process of time the prelats proceeded to greater rigor, and imposed the oath of supremacie upon the people, wherebie they made the king the head of the Church, which verie few of the professors complyed not with, except my husband and his brother, and some others. My husband's brother said to my husband, when they were discoursing of that sacrilegious supremacie, that it seemed they were of the mind to make a god of that man.
My husband continued three years giving testimony against all their superstitions. The behaviour of the most part of the profes- sors, dwelling in the countray, did not come so much under the view and observation of the prelatick partie as my husband's did, because he dwelt in the town, and some of the most considerable persons of the clergie passed by my husband's door as they went to the chm'ch, and as they came from it, for it was just in their way. And when they came by he was then sure to make most noise at his work, which made them account him contumacious ; however, he regarded not their displeasure for his keeping a good conscience.
He desired an honest man, who had his horse a-grazing in the country, to send him in the horse, because he wanted sand. And
MEMOIR OF MRS GOOUAL. 489
the man sent in the horse on Christmass day, not minding what a day it was. And when the horse came he yoked him with a sled that same day, and sent a man with him, who brought him two sledfulls of sand. Both Papists and Prelats have such a respect for that day, that few will adventure to work on Christmass day. The honest man was greatly molested that brought the sand, but being an old man, they dealt not so rudely with him as they woidd have done otherwise. However, this so incensed the Prelats against my husband, that one of the chief men of the town, called Captain Cope, who was son-in-law to the Dean of their Church, said that he cared not for eating till he got amends of Mr Goodall. He coiUd not eat his dinner peaceably without venting his anger at my husband. So he and some others employed a curat to go to Dubline, the metropolis of Ireland, for a warrant to apprehend my husband, and put him in prison. The curat went to Dubline, which was threescore miles distant from Ardmagh, and laid down five pounds sterling upon the green table, unto such as had power to give the warrant, which they call a capias. With which he came to the Sheriff of Ardmagh ; and, at the sheriff's door, was in such haste to have my husband apprehended, that he would needs continue on horseback, and so bowing himself down to whisper into the sheriff's ear, that he had got a capias, and had here two officers with him, to apprehend Mr Goodall, his horse gave him such a knock upon the breast, that he cried out he had gotten his death-stroke; and, presentlie, he had such a conviction of the iniquitie of the business he was about, that he said. This will not do, — this work will not work ; and acknowledged it was for Mr Goodall's sake he had gotten his dead-stroke.
However, the officers are sent for my husband, and, coming in to our house to the fireside, (where my husband was sitting with Mr Maxwell, the laird of Moncrief, [Monreith,] in Galloway, who was but newly come to visit us,) say to him, Mr Goodall, you are the king's prisoner. My husband went hastily with them, and whispered into my ear. My dear, dispatch Mr Maxwell out of our house, least he be sent for next. So my husband was imprisoned,
490 MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL.
and Mr Maxwell got safely escajied into the countrey : but the curat went home, and immediately took his bed, and fell into a raging fever ; and raved continually, and scarce spoke a sensible word till he dyed, excepting only that he commanded his wife expressly not to exact the five pounds sterling from my husband, nor to put him to pay it at all ; which, by their law, he was obhged to pay whenever he was liberat out of prison. And this his wife faithfully promised to do, and performed it likewise ; and, when she came to my husband, she sadly regretted her husband's having any hand in his imprisonment.
When the sheriff went in to write the warrant, (for besides the capias they behoved to have the sheriff's warrant,) the curat ^ told the two officers that his horse head had given him such a knock on the breast, that he thought it was his dead-stroke, and said, This vrill not do, &c. So, when he got the sheriff's warrant, he came presently riding to Ardmagh, with the two officers, and apprehended my husband, and put him in prison. He kept the matter so secret that he would not fii*st ride home to his o\\ti house, which was foiir miles from Ardmagh, least any should have got intelligence of his design, who would have warned my husband to have gone out of the way, — my husband was so well beloved, that if any of his neighbours had known it they would have told it my husband. Well, the curat went home, and, in his raging fever, dyed within a fortnight. In his raving he would have said, I am Primat of Ireland, now I will take Mr GoodaU out of prison; It was remarkable that his chief discourse was about his imprison- ing, and getting out, of my husband again.
The gentlewoman. Mistress Oath, who kept the prison, was a widow, yet had such respect to my husband, that when a rich citizen of Ardmagh^ offered her a bond to let Mr GoodaU go ly at his own house, she said she preferred Mr GoodaU's own word to any bond whatsoever, and would have no bond but his owni word ;
^ His name is said to have been Peper. He was cm-ate at Lochgall, about four miles from Armagh.
2 A note appended to the MS. says that " his name was John Whittington, a Papist, and a native of Ireland."
MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL. 491
and so she suffered him to go home at night and ly in his own house : and, for the fashion, for a few dayes, sent a man with him at night, and for him in the morning ; and, that night, our ordi- nary place of singing happened to be in the cix. Psalm, verse 6. My husband and I had such a lively frame of spirit in the time of the singing of the psalm, that we both marvelled at it, but under- stood not what it meant untill within a day or two after, when we heard that the curat was deadly sick of a raging fever, so we understood it to be applicable unto him ; and, when we were told of the curat's sickness, we both protested, that we blest the Lord, we had no prejudice or ill-will at his person.
All the while my husband was in prison he did not ly a night out of his own house, except only two ; and he was in prison three years and six weeks. He was like a Joseph in the prison ; the gentlewoman, the jay lor, was admirably favourable and discreet to him ; for when he got notice of a sermon or a sacrament [that] was to be ten or twelve miles, or however far, fi'om Ardmagh, when he had said, Mistress Oath, I am going to a sermon some miles, he had full liberty from her. Now ministers durst neither preach nor give the communion in the day-time, but in the night, and people then found no hurt by wanting theu' sleep at such occasions.
One day when my husband was riding with his brother and some others to a sermon, six miles from Ardmagh, a friend of Mr Cope's did meet him, and attempted to bring him back prisoner, in order to affront Mistress Oath, the jaylor; but he being defeat in that design, went to the sheriff, and reported he saw my husband on horseback ; whereupon the sheriff came to Ardmagh to examine Mistress Oath, but she couragioushe defended herself thus : None have any thing to say to me for managing my pris- oner, if I (when any court calls for Mr Goodall) can present him before them ; which, she said, she was sure she could do with her prisoner. So the sheriff could not thrust her out of her charge.
There were also five Presbyterian ministers imj)risoned at Dub- line, where they continued five years prisoners, but were at last liberat by an order from the king, which Sir Arthur Forbes,
492
MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL.
Deputie of Ireland, procured them. Two of these ministers, (who were taken in Lifford, in Ireland, because they would not desist from preaching, untill they were violentlie pulled out of their pulpits and imprisoned in Dubline, where they continued five years, untill Sir Arthur Forbes was made Lord-Deputie of Ire- land, and he j)rocured an order from the king for relieving of the five ministers out of prison,) when they returned home, passing through the town of Ardmagh, and hearing my husband w^as in prison, they visited him ; and one of them, Mr Hart, told he was to go to Dublin the next summer, which was half-a-year after that day, and would speak to Sir Arthiur Forbes to procure a libertie for him also, which he did according to his promise ; and, w^hen the deputie went to London, he brought an order from the king to get all out of prison that were imprisoned upon the account of religion.
There were none in prison in Ireland at that time for religion but my husband, and another honest man in the county of Antrim, who were both set at libertie, without any sinfull obliga- tions, or any thing imposed on their consciences at all ; and in like manner were the five ministers at Dubline set at libertie.
My husband came afterwai'ds to Scotland, in the year 1676, to visite his fi-iends ; and, when he saw so much of the power and presence of the Lord with his persecuted ordinances and people, he returned to Ireland, and, the next year, came to Scotland with his whole family, and settled in the Calton, where we dwelt five years, till the persecution grew so hot that people Avere compelled to hear the curates ; and such as would not hear were warned to their courts, and either fined or imprisoned. My husband got one sum- monds and I another, commanding each of us to compear at their court. We would not answer their summonds, but, according to that command. If they persecute you in one city flee to another, we removed out of the Calton ; and that same day we were sum- moned we left our dwelling, and on the morrow the officers were sent to take us prisoners, but we were out of their reach, which offended them so, that my husband and I were proclaimed rebeUs over the Cross of Edinburgh ; which, when a Christian freend,
MEMOIR OF MRS GOODAL. 493
Andrew Melvine, informed me of, my heart did leap for joy, that I was counted worthy to suffer, and be enrolled amongst the perse- cuted saints. Shortlie after we got an opportunitie to go to Holland, and dwelt eight years in Rotterdam, and came back again to Scot- land in the year 1690.
THE LAST WORDS
OF
THE LADY COLTNESS,
WHO DIED, OR RATHEE ENTERED INTO ETERNAL LIFE AND GLORY,
JUNE 8, 1675.
NOTE.
Lady Stewart of Coltness, to whom the following tract refers, was the daughter of Mr John Eliot, a younger brother of Eliot of Stobs. She was married in the year 1659 (another account says 1654) to Thomas, eldest son of Sir James Stewart of Kirkfield and Coltness, a zealous friend of the Covenant, and of the Presbyterian interest in Scotland, about the period of Cromwell's invasion. He died at Edinburgh, March 31, 1681, in the seventy-third year of his age, his biographers tell, " with absolute assurance and resignation."* His son, Sir Thomas, the husband of the lady whose closing scene on earth is here de- scribed, was created a knight in 1690, and a baronet by William III. in 1698 ; and the Collections to which we have referred thus describe her life and departure : — " Never did any end their days with more distinguished marks of a divine work of happy faith and assurance. She had been a sanct indeed all her life long, but she finished her course gloriously. Her last words were taken by the accurate and faithful pen of a reverend minister, and her elogy was composed by that great and good divine, Mr William Violent. What I write of her is from expressions in her husband's diaries, upon the mournful occasion, and he has this note : — ' The dying words of my glorified dear are in many good Christian hands, and her son John's dying words, and hers, by God's blessing, have been edifying, and con- firming, and comforting to many, and have had good effect upon the careless and thoughtless in matters of religious concernes.' There are near Coltness, in the woods and solitary places. Bethels, (as he calls
' Coltness Collections, published by the Maitland Club, pp. 43, 44. We are indebted to these Collections for the following particulars regarding Lady Stewart.
VOL. II. 2 I
498 NOTE.
them,) oratories, places of devotion, where I see the mourning husband has poured out in prayer, and remarks many such ; but all is full of re- signation to the divine determination, and melodious thanksgiving for her happy exite, and for this reason he mourned as one who had a full assurance of hope concerning the departed."
The Narrative that follows is preserved in MS. among the Family Papers of the descendants of Sir Thomas ; and in Vol. XVIII. 4to, No. 19, of Wodrow's MSS. in the Advocates' Library.
THE LAST WORDS
THE LADY COLTNESS.
EING delivered upon the 27tli of May of her 12th child, and for three days thereafter in a probable way of recovery, she found upon the fourth day that she was falling into a fever ; and calling for her husband, told him her fears, both as to her sickness and as to her soul's interest, and begged him to remember her condition to the Lord, and intreated him for the Lord's sake not to be peremptor for her life, " For I desire not," said she, " to live, but pray that I die not in darkness as to my soul's interest ;" adding, " The Lord hath often heard you for deliverances to me, when I have been past all hope, and has given me to you ; now I beg for this, that the Lord would be with me by his power and grace thi'ough this sickness. And if he should leave me in this cloud, yet I will not doubt the reality of many gracious manifesta- tions of himself that I have had, and how that often he hath made me in sincerity to resign and give up myself heartily to him ; and now at this time, I dare not, nor will not, deny his gracious work then. But O my dear heart, wrestle with God for me, that I die not in darkness." Thus she wept upon him, and said, " Pray not for my life, for ye will be disappointed :" adding, " The devil is busy with me, tempting me strongly, saying. All ye had was but
500 THE LAST WORDS OF
flashes ; thou wast nothing but an hypocrite, and formal in all thou didst, and careless. O too true ; yet the Lord knows my sincerity, though with weakness, Avhich I hope he hath accepted."
Her fever was yet little observed ; but all judged that her anxiety about her soul's interest did help it on strongly, being still remarked to be in spiritual exercise, and ever praying with great confessions and whisperings, " O for contrition, contrition, contri- tion !" Thereafter, Mr William Violand and Mr John Inglis coming in to visit her, they held out to her the great and unspeak- able grace of God, and of Christ, revealed in the gospel to poor lost sinners ; and, after they were gone, she called for her husband, and said, " Blessed be God, she never heard anything more refresh- ing, and of more power and weight." But the next day, her sickness increasing, she cried out to her husband, " O, O ! for assurance, if God would grant it to a poor sinner that is longing and crying for it, and looking to him for it !" This she expressed with vehemency, and her husband answered, " My dear, was not Christ always your choice, and preferable to all things ? and dare you say before God that he was not so to you, and that he hath determined you to make him your choice ?" She cried out most fervently, " O he was ever so, he was ever so to me, more desirable to me than riches, honours, pleasures, crowns, and all things ! Lord, thou knowest. Whom have I in heaven but thee, or on earth whom I desire besides thee ? O that I were with thee, where I shall sin and doubt no more, where the weary are at rest !" Which words occasioned a worthy Christian to say to her husband, " Can you say that ever you heard her doubt after that discourse ?" Which indeed she did not.
The next day she was heard to pray very long and with fervour of spirit, and towards the end she breathed out these words : " Lord, thou who appearedst so wonderfully to my son Johnie, being but ten years of age, to the admiration of all that saw or heard him, and were witnesses of his death ; Lord, Lord ! appear to me. Oh I it was true he was but a bairn, who knew not what sin was, nor could not sin as I have done, who am a thirty-seven year old
THE LADY COLTNESS. 501
sinner ; but, Lord, upon whom thou settest thy love, sin will be no stop in the way. Lord, Lord, appear to me."
To set down aU that she spoke of this kind during her sickness would make this narration swell to a great bulk ; aU the words that came from her were very gracious.
The night before her death she fell into a sweat, which continued about eight or nine hours together, so that all had good hopes that it might prove a cool ; but albeit she found herself thereby not a little refreshed, yet she still said it was in vain to expect her recovery. And hearing again from the doctor and others present, that her condition was not so dangerous as she apprehended, she called for her husband, and said, " My dear, you wiU be surprized, quit me, quit me, for I have quit you and all my children, and all the world; I long, I long to be with him." The doctor said, " Would you not willingly abide with your husband and children, if so it were the Lord's will ?" She answered, " I could submit to his will; but oh! I long, long to be with him, that is better than aU :" and then, Hfting up both her hands, she said, " Now, O my Lord ! I come unto thee, thou knowest that in my health I sought thee, albeit with great weakness, yet with a sincere heart ; and how often, often have I given myself up to thee with my soul and heart ? and now I have nothing to look to in myself, but to thy free love, and to thy free grace. O free, free love ! I look, look, look to this for mercy ; I look to thy righteousness, that imputed righteousness ; I look to that satisfaction oifered at Jerusalem for sinners ; thy blood crieth for better things than that of Abel. O blessed imputed righteousness ! O blessed satisfaction ! I renounce my own righteousness, it is all as rotten rags. Lord, I come unto thee ; thou hast said, ' All that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out.' 0,0,0! free love ! though one might dare to die for a righteous man, yet om* Lord for his enemies. O wonderful love ! Lord, thou that knowest aU things, thou knowest that I love thee, I must not quit my grips of thee now." She insisted long on such like expressions to the commendation of free grace, and that with such fervency, as if her spirit would have gone forth with her
502 THE LAST WORDS OF
words ; reaching out her arms, and grasping with her hands as if she had seen Christ, she cried out, " I beUeve as really that Jesus Christ is at the right hand of the Father, as that I am lying here." Thereafter lying a while softly, she was heard say, " Lord, thou hast given me twelve children, and the third child I gave unto thee, and thou tookest him, (this was John,) and my seventh child I gave unto thee, and thou tookest him, and his sister also, (meaning Harry and Margaret,) and this my twelfth child I have given unto the Lord, the Lord bless him ; yea, and all my children I have given unto the Lord as soon as they were bom, and long before they were born, and I have desired from the Lord for them these two things only, first, that they may fear him, and that he may put his image on them ; and next, I never sought riches nor honour unto them, but that the Lord would in his good providence dispose vipon them to employments and callings, whereby they may live honestly, and not be burdensome to friends." But such as were about her, hearing her speak so easily, and still hoping that she might recover, prayed her to be silent, and take rest : whereupon she raised her voice and said, " Sirs, can ye believe this that I am to tell you ? This night I will be with my son Johnie." And taking herself, she said, " Fy upon mc ! fy upon me ! what is this I am saying of my son Johnie ? I will be this night with my God, and my Lord Jesus, and that holy and glorious company." Her rovings were almost none, only sometimes a few words through her sleep, but all was harmless and innocent ; but the words she used most were, " Lord help, help Lord, leave me not now, keep that which I have committed unto thee." After this she told again that her end was near, and assured those that were present of it ; but it could not be believed that it was so near, there being no outward sign from which this nearness coidd be concluded ; yea, many had hopes, hearing her say to the doctor, " For aU this my head is well, and I find my heart whole." So she was intreated to sleep, and not to waste her weak and wearied spirit ; but she refused, saying, " Shall I sleep now when I am going to die ? Lord forgive you all ; for I assure you, if I fall asleep, I will never
THE LADY COLTNESS. 503
come out of it again ;" which indeed the event in a very few hours did very remarkably verify. At the same time she said to her husband, " My dear, you will be surprised." Then she added with ' more earnestness to the rest, " Would ye hinder me to speak now, when I have not above an hour to speak in this world ?" which one present hearing, took out his watch, and showed to some standing by, who all said that it fell out just as she had foretold. But being again importuned to take rest, in respect that many still hoped, because she had little or no pain, she said with a whole sound voice, " Sirs, I tell you, that this night when your sun goes down, my sun will arise, and never go down ; your sun will both arise and set upon you, but my sun will never go down. O bright morning star !" After this, resolv- ing to speak to her children and relations, she raised up herself as if she had no sickness, but had been to go about some work in health, and called for some rose-water and vinegar, saying, " Let me refresh my spirits that are weak for what I have to do ;" and then bathed with her own hands her temples and face, and breathed up some vinegar into her nose ; and having intreated all to go out of the room, except her husband and children, she spoke to her childi-en that were come to years one by one, and taking up their natm-al dispositions, wisely pressed them to pray, and guard against such sins whereunto they might fear their inchnations would incHne them to ; speaking to each of them so particularly and pertinently, with such grace by the Spirit of grace, that it is hoped, that what is not fitting to be here reported, shall notwithstanding be always remembered, and the faults thereof still avoided by those who are concerned. Then she spoke to them of Christian duties, whereof she enjoined the practice with many godly persuasions ; and then, after she dehorted them from many vices and evils with great authority, commanding them that they should abstain from vain company, and abhor the evils of this profane time, to guard against all uncleanness, and against all falsehood, and that they would stand to their education as they had been taught ; adding, though you have not fallen in outward pollutions, yet that is nothing; " Let him that stands take heed lest he fall." Then to beware of
504
THE LAST WORDS OF
all lying and sinful shifts and equivocations ; and not to depart from God, and return with the dog to his vomit, and the sow to its puddle. " I say to you before the Lord, your sins God shall set them in order before you ; yea, you shall see them in the great day of the Lord, as clearly set before you as the light that shines." Then, speaking to them of their learning and studies, she said, " As for learning and philosophy, fear lest it hath the effect on you it hath had on some, to turn you atheists, or without religion. All the greatness, all the learning in the world, what is it without grace ? Eemember that word, ' Not many noble, not many mighty, not many wise are called :' I say not this to discourage you from reading and learning, but let it not make you neglect duty ; and I lay it upon you, and charge you before God, and as you would meet with me again with comfort, be diligent in reading the Scriptures, and in prayer, and satisfy not yourselves with your morning and evening prayers ; but I charge you in the sight and presence of the Lord, not to judge your religion to be true and sincere, if it carry you no further than morning and evening prayers ; in all thir things, I say unto you, I shall be a witness against you. Look not on thir things, and what I say now, as upon instructions and reproofs given at another time ; the words that I have spoken are the words of a dying mother ; I pray the Lord ye may never forget them, which, if you observe and do, God's blessing be upon you, and my blessing I leave you ; but, if you do them not, but in the least allow yourselves in that which is displeasing to God, and turn away from him, the curse of the ever- lasting God shall fall upon your heads, and the cm'se of your dying mother shall rest on you ; but, if you shall obey and follow the Lord, the blessings of the everlasting God, the blessings of Abra- ham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the blessings of your dying mother, be upon your heads." And then she added, " I have good thoughts concerning you." And removing her hand from off their heads, where she put it while she blessed them, she thus parted with them, kissing and blessing. Ministers, and others who heard this passage, have wondered at this great zeal of God, that acted and
THE LADY COLTNESS. 505
carried her thus to deny her natural affection, which was ever most loving and most tender to her children, and thus fearfully to curse them if they should forsake God, imitating, as it were, in this, the example of Moses, Lev. xxvi., and Deut. xxviii. chapters.
After this she spoke to her husband with all kindness and ten- derness, saying, he had been a dear and kind husband to her, intreating him to quit her freely ; and gave him many sweet advices concerning the children, desiring, that as they feared the Lord, so he would encom-age them. After that she called for her mother and four sisters, who were all present, and gave to them many grave directions and counsels, suiting them, with an holy prudence and discretion, both to their inclinations and conditions, both married and unmarried. Then thanking every one of them as they had been useful to her, and craving them pardon for the trouble she had given them, she exhorted them to a holy diligence in praying and reading the Scriptures, and intreated them to guard against all sin, even the smallest sin; whereat she takmg herself, said, " The Lord forgive me for calling any sin small, for there is no small sin; every sin deserves everlasting wrath." Then she besought them not to set their heart too much upon any temporal enjoyment, for they knew not when the Lord might take it from them ; and intreated them to make good use of their time, saying, " This day will come upon you, and you know not how soon you wiU be in my condition." Thus she bade them farewell, with many earnest blessings and mutual embracings, and with such tenderness and tears on their parts as cannot well be expressed. After which with great sweetness and meekness she closed her farewell with these words, " Now I intreat you be kind one to another, tender- hearted, forgiving one another ; and be of one mind, and live in peace, and the God of love and peace shall be with you." In all these things she appeared not in the least to be affected with pain or sickness, so that none but herself could imagine her time to be so near. After this she said, " I have many times besought the Lord that death might not be a surprisal to me, and neither it is ; and I have prayed Uke\N ise that death might not be a terror to me,
506 THE LAST WORDS OF
and neither it is ; and I have sought, that I may not be terrible to others in dying ;" and that the Lord did very sensibly grant, as we shall hereafter hear. And, to show her great composure of mind, she also gave orders about several little circumstances both of her death and burial, suitable to that most exact modesty which was so eminent in her all her life ; for that she had spoken to her sisters, as we have heard, she did also severally enjoin them, that, when her body should be wrapt in sheer-cloth, they should in no case suffer her linens to be taken oflP, as (she said) she knew the manner was. And thereafter at another time she appointed her sisters to pin the curtains at the bed-foot, " then when," said she, " I am dying, I may not be gazed upon." But to pass these things, she now being very weak, she called for her father-in-law, and putting forth her hand to him, said, " Hold my hand, for I cannot hold yours ;" then added, " You have been a very kind father unto me, I say a very kind affectionate father unto me ; I cannot say any more, but the Lord requite you." Then, turning to her other relations, she took leave of them, and said unto Allantoun's brother, with whose wife her daughters were at the time, " Sir, You will tell my two lasses that I remembered them, and laid it upon them, that they should diligently seek and serve the Lord, and make conscience of reading the Scriptures ; and the Lord's blessing be upon them." And so she took leave of him, desii'ing him, that he would remember her to his worthy wife. After this she called for the young man that waited upon the children, and said vmto him, " Mr William, you have a great charge now both of the bodies and souls of the children ; for my husband will be taken up with his affairs, and I fear shall not be long behind me." Then she said, " I have nothing now to do but one thing ;" and, turning to her husband, continued, " My dear, you have been a dear husband to me, but I am going to a dearer ; I intreat you weep not for me, I will be better ; quit me, quit me ; and now, my dear, resign my soul up unto God." Her husband, being in great grief, said, " My dear, I dare not, nor I cannot ; the minister wiU do it." Where- upon she said calmly, " Let the minister pray ;" and, after prayer,
THE LADY C0LTNES3. 507
said again unto her husband, " My dear, resign my soul unto God ; you must do it, you must do it, and quit me, for I have resigned my soul to God abeady ; I got it from God, and I have given it again back to him." So her husband obeyed her, and did resign her solemnly, being greatly helped of God in the action ; and she hold- ing up her weak hands all the time, at which the lookers-on were greatly moved ; for, prayer being ended, she embraced him with both her arms about the neck, until through weakness they fell away. After which she fell asleep. Again being heard quietly breathe out these words, " O feeling High Priest, keep that which I have committed unto thee," she most peaceably, without either shiver or sob, died in the Lord ; and that so precisely at the going down of the sun as she had foretold, that while they were shutting her eyes, some remembering her words, ran to the window, and told that a part of the sun was just setting and sinking out of sight ; and another who was not present, nor heard her words, but hearing the cry at her death, came in and told that it so happened at the same time.
She lived thirty-seven years, five months, and eight days ; and albeit the close of her short course was both gracious and glorious, as we have heard, yet it is certain that neither her life nor her death can receive any greater commendation than by the most illustrious testimony that they rendered mutually to each other in this true and just comparison ; [that] as she lived so she died, and as she died so she lived, and lives for evermore. This is indeed the suffrage that all that knew her, and were witnesses to these things, must [and do] pay to her memory : but seeing it can be by none both more truly and happily celebrate than by her own pastor, who was also an eye-witness of her blessed departure, the epitaph whereby he was pleased, both in Latin and English, to honour her funeral with, is hereto subjoined.
^ The Latin Epitaph, owing to inaccuracy in the versification, most probably arising from transcription^ is omitted.
508 THE LAST WORDS OF THE LADY COLTNESS.
ANE EPITAPH ON THE DEATH OF THE TRUELY EXCELLENT, THE LADY COLTNESS.
Here lies an elect lady, saint devote,
Kare, wise, true mother, Margaret Eliot :
She loved her loving God above all things^
Herself and hers she did to him resign.
In clifts of rock this dove's groans did rebound,
She prayed not in the street with trumpet sound,
Her praying voice scarce did her closet find.
She prayed with groans, tears, heart and bended mind ;
Great, modest, comely, chast, severe, serene ;
Nothing more grave, nothing more sweet again ;
A spirit high, but not lift up withal ;
A wit most sharp, but not imbrued with gaU.
In a vile world she pure and clean abode.
In a false world she stood still true for God ;
A lovely, lowly, loving wife, her husband's love,
But more beloved of her Beloved above.
Coltness she dressed, left it in good array,
But since she's gone its lustre is away ;
She who, while living, taught by word and deed.
Unwearied still she did so while she died ;
Herself and hers unto God to bequeath.
Was Margaret Eliot's work in life and death.
This epitaph was written by her own minister, Mr William Vio- land, minister at Cambusnethan. [He was one of the Indulged ministers. Wodrow calls him " a singularly learned and worthy person" — " a great eye-sore to the Bishops for his learning, moder- ation, and temper." He was eventually cited before the Council, and banished. — See Wodrovfs History, Anno 1684.]
A RELATION
OF
MY LADY ANNE ELCHO,
ABOUT HER BEING BURNT FEBRUABY 17, 1700.
THE REV. THOMAS HALYBURTON.
NOTE.
The following Relation is printed fi'om a MS. in the possession of C. K. Sharpe, Esq., who mentions in a Note prefixed, that he had tran- scribed it from Lord Werayss's copy, and adds, that the original was written by the Rev. Thomas Halyburton. Mr Sharpe, who has kindly permitted the Wodrow Society to print from his MS., has appended to it the following Extract from a letter, without signature or direction, but evidently, he says, from one lady to another, dated Holyroodhouse, February 16, 1700.
" You wiU hear of one of the saddest accidents befallen Lady Anne Elcho, that ever I believe was heard of. She was standing at the fire reading a letter, and her apron took fire, set her night-rail and Stein- kirk a-fire, and has burnt her to death. Her nose was burnt off, and her eyes burnt out. Opening her mouth to call, the flame went in, and burnt her tongue and throat ; in short, there never was a more sad thing heard of. I know not if this will put any stop to her mother-in-law's marriage ; who is, they say, contracted to Lord Tarbet, which is a marriage makes abundance of discourse."
There is a copy of the Relation among Wodrow's MSS., corrected by Wodrow himself.
INTRODUCTIOK
I^ADY ANNE DOUGLASS, the subject of the ivf^, following interesting narrative, was daughter to
t^mf
William Duke of Queensberry. She married, about the year 1685, David third Earl of Wemyss, a man of the greatest honour and integrity, and one of the Lords of the Privy Council to Qvieen Anne. She had two sons to his Lordship, David and James. It is remarkable that Lady Elcho should have foretold on her death-bed, that David, the eldest, would not long survive her. Accordingly, we find that this most promising youth died in the 17th year of his age, to the great regret of the family. The youngest, James, was afterwards Earl of Wemyss, and father to the present noble representative of this illustrious family.
It is impossible to read the simple though affecting account of this most amiable woman, without feeling the greatest regret at the fatal accident which caused her death. Her useful life was, however, terminated by a happy and instructive death. She evinced in those moments, when riches and honours are of no avail, the power of Christianity in supporting her under the most excruciating pain. VOL. II. 2 K
514 INTRODUCTION.
Scepticism and infidelity may do well enough in health, but disap- pear when most in need. Religion added a lustre to her highly cultivated mind, and supported her till she finished her earthly, to take possession of a heavenly life, which shall never end
A RELATION
MY LADY ANNE ELCHO.
Y LADY ANNE ELCHO was at secret prayer about five or six o'clock, when a live coal fell from the chimney, which kindled her clothes into a flame, before she was apprehensive of the danger. When she felt the flames ascend, she arose and opened the door, which had been bolted on her during the night, and came to her woman, Mrs Arthur, who was in the next room attending. Mrs Arthur endeavoured her relief, but had perished in all proba- bility with her lady, had not George Bannerman, the under-butler, come from the next room, upon a call, who extinguished the flames. The burnmg of her cravat mightily affected her ; her neck, her breasts, were grievously burnt, as also her face, her hands, and her ears. She evidenced a great deal of composure, even in the time of her burning. She extinguished with her hands, burnt as they were, George Bannerman's cravat, alleging it enough that she her- self had been burnt, though he had not been so too. Mr Greerson being then at Edinburgh, and Mr Halyburton at Pittenweem, Mr Wardrop, minister at Kirkaldy, was at her desire sent for, who accordingly came that same night. She was so violently ill, that she could speak none that night, but the next evening she began a discom'se ; some hints thereof follow in her own words.
" I bless God I came to this family. I inclined to have come
51 G A RELATION OF
sooner, and God forgive them that would have hindered me. The Lord be thanked for Ku'kaldy. I hope I have gotten good by it," (meaning the administration of the Lord's Supper there, on the 9th July 1699, to wliich she was a witness, having never seen the administration of that Sacrament formerly, at least in the method used in our Church.) Mr Wardrop said unto her, " Madam, do you remember any word, spoken at that communion, which did touch your heart ?" She repHed : " What Mr David Williamson^ and Mr Riddel spoke in serving the tables aifected me much. I designed to partake of the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper the first time the Lord should give me occasion and opportunity, but God has disappointed me. It was long ere I came to it, but now I die in the faith, that the Presbyterian Church is the true Church of God, and that they are the true servants of God who ^ die in the faith of it. ]\iind my lord to educate his children under the strictest Presbyterianism. I think the eldest will not live ; the youngest may. Mind to educate them so ; and if they will not, (it is a hard word for me to say,) I leave them my curse. But this I say, I do not consent to their being educated otherwise. I deserve this punishment for my sins, yet I was on my knees when I got it. The devil is busy on all occasions, but he shall not have his will. The Lord forgive me my sins, though I be not guilty of criminal sins, (by which she meant gross outbreakings, as she herself after- waids explained to the ministers,) yet I deserve hell, and wrath, and continual burning, for sins I am guilty of. But I hope to be par- doned for the merit of Jesus Christ. It is for the sins of my youth that I am thus punished with these burnings ; but they are far from everlasting burnings." Here, likewise, she blessed God for family worshij), and said, family prayer had been many times sweet and refreshing to her. She desired those about her to give her blessing to Mr Black, and she blessed God she had ever seen him. She owned the remarkable goodness of God m singling her out to
^ He was intercommunecl in 1C75, and even in 1688, was the victim of keen persecution.
2 AiiolliOi- copy says, " I die,'' Ac,
MY LADY ANNE ELCUO. 517
be a monument of lils free grace, and exhorted others to follow the ways of God. She pressed to mind her husband of the religious education of her children/ telling how much they were upon her heart. She acknowledged particularly the obliging and dutiful carriage of the servants of the family, naming most of them, and speaking favourably of them. She then desisted, not being able to continue speaking.
The next morning, February 14, IMr Halyburton was sent for. About noon, when he arrived, and entered the room, and one told her he was come, she said three times : " Dear Mr Halyburton, are you there ? God bless you, and I bless you. I coidd fain have seen you sooner, when I could have spoken to you : now I cannot say much. I charge you to take care of, and see to the religious education of my children. Give my lord your best advice." Then she says : " O Mr Halyburton, the Lord has been good to me." After several other things had passed, he says : " I hope the Lord has been taking pains on you, and working on your heart, to engage you to his ways." " O," she replied, " it is a short time since." " Well then," replied he, " if you have at all tried the ways of God, I hope you have no quarrel at strict godliness." " None at aU," said she, " only I was too long of trying it ;" and then exhorted those present to foUow God's ways, as frequently during; the time of her sickness as she did on other occasions.
She continued under the violence of pain from February 14th to 18th, not using any expression that could, even by force, be drawn to import discontent or impatience : but in this interval, on the contraiy, blessing God frequently. February 18th and 19th, her discourse was Christian and edifying, and gave great satisfaction to all who conversed with her, both ministers and others ; for not only Mr Wardrop, but Mr Greerson was with her, having come from Edinburgh, upon the first account of what had befallen her. He attended her very closely till February 19th, when he again went to Edinburgh. She bore him a particular respect, and expressed
1 Another copy adds, " With greatest carefulness."
518 A RELATION OF
no less that first morning she was ill. What passed during this interval is entirely lost — some prospects of her recovery making us less careful to observe and record what occurred.
Physicians thought she might live, but never could get her to be- lieve any such thing. February 19th. — She was this night troubled with vapours, and in the morning became extremely suspicious of herself, that she might have spoken something oflfensive to God, and would scarcely be put out of it, by the joint testimony of all pre- sent, to the contrary.
Tuesday, February 20th. — About six o'clock this morning, she sent for Mr Halyburton. When he came, she was under a great damp as to her spiritual condition. " O," says she to him, " I fear that Satan and the world are upon me ; I cannot get rid of them. I have spent my days in vanity ; — vanity of vanities, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. O, Mr Halyburton, pray that the Lord may beat down Satan, he is like to prevail against me ;" and here discoursing of her own folly in serving sin and Satan, she seriously dehorted those about her from doing so. Then she again resumed her discourse about her present fears, and insisted on her danger, complaining extremely of Christ's absence, and declaring her great fears of hell ; and withal telling how much the world did cleave to her. The sequel of her discourse lets us understand that her children were the greatest difficulty she had to part with. Mr Halyburton began to discourse of man's natural estate, the sin and misery of it, and withal endeavoured to hold out Christ as the only refuge and relief, showing how he is to be improven under the fears of hell and death, he having come to destroy the works of the devil, and deliver them who through fears of death are all their lifetime subject to bondage.
Here she cried, " How much an interest in Christ would be worth to me now ! Lord, I am a lost sinner, seek me, and find me." After this she desired Mr Halyburton to pray. After prayer she still contmued in the same mind, thus damp and full of fears, constantly crying out, " Come, Lord Jesus, come ;" and after a little pause, she says, " Mr Halyburton, tell ray Lord (Elcho) it
MY LADY ANNE ELCHO. 519
is a hard thing to die well ;" and then turning her discourse to Mr Wemyss, Chyrurgeon : " You are a young man ; I assure you it is a hard thins to die well ; I find so. I cannot come at it." Here again she desired Mr Halyburton to pray. After prayer she Btill breathed out desires after Christ. " O come to me, Lord, sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and take me into thy mansions. O he delays his coming; he is long a-coming." Mr Halyburton did show her Christ's willingness to entertain the greatest of sinners upon their apphcation to him. This he said in answer to what she had said of the greatness of her sins, which she alleged was the cause of Christ's refusing to come to her.
Lnmediately after this, she got some light, and recovered out of her damp, and then broke forth with extraordinary tenderness : " O Mr Halyburton, commend the goodness of God to my children, and give my Lord (Elcho) the best of your advice." After this, she lay silent for a while, and then cried out with a loud voice, " I bless God I have lived to this time, that I might say this ; tell my Lord Elcho that I command that the saltpans go no more on the Sabbath-day." To which Mr Halyburton replied : " My Lord has ah'eady signed a positive order, discharging them from going for the future on the Sabbath." One of the company desired her to try and get some rest. " What !" replied she, " shall I rest when I have my salvation work to work out ? I shall never sleep more." And then she proceeded to breathe out her earnest desires after Christ : " Come, come, come, sweet Lord Jesus ;" and then she said, " WiU he never come to such a one as I am ?" To which Mr Halyburton replied : " If you are willing to come to him, he is willing to come to you." To which she replied with great earnest- ness and fervency : " O I fly, I fly, I fly." Then she desired Mr Halyburton to read something out of the Scriptures to her. He read in the 6th chapter of John, from the 35th to the 45th verse : " And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life ; he that eateth of me shall never hunger, and he that drinketh of me shall never thirst. But I also say unto you, that you also have seen me, and believe not. All that the Father hath given shall come unto me,
520 A RELATION OF
and him that cometh unto me, I shall in no wise cast out. For I came clown from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the w^ill of him that sent me. And this is the Father's will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me, I should lose notliing, but should raise it up again at the last day. And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and belie veth on him, may have everlasting life ; and I will raise him i\p at the last day. The Jews then murmured at him, because he said, I am the bread which came do\ATi from heaven. And they said. Is not this Jesus the son of Joseph, Avhose father and mother we know ? How is it then that he saith, I came down from heaven ? Jesus, therefore, answered and said unto them, Mur- mur not among yourselves. No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him ; and I will raise him up at the last day."
After this she broke forth in commendation of God's goodness and mercy, and she said she saw it was good to wait on God, and they are no losers who wait on him. Then she fell out in commen- dation of God's free grace. She asserted herself a monument of it. NoAv she acknowledged she had been sinfully peremptory, desiring life in the words of Hezekiah, before she fell into her damp. She told that the great account why she desired life was to take care of the religious education of her children. Afterwards, speaking of the pain she had endured, she said, " These burnings are indeed very severe, but I have no reason to complain, since they are not the everlasting burnings which I deserve." At every sentence she ended by saying, " O come, sweet Jesus !" At length she said, with a great deal of tenderness and affection, " O he is come in the twinkling of an eye, he is come." Then she said, " O happy Kirkaldy, happy Kirkaldy, it was a happy occasion for me. I hope I got good. I bless God that you were not out of the family before this time." It was feared by the company that much speaking might occasion some distemper; therefore, to prevent this, Mr Halyburton was desired to use arguments with her to try and get some rest. At this time she seemed not so near death as
MY LADY ANNE ELCHO. 521
she was. When, on Mr Halyburton saying to her, " Madam, you were just now commending God as good, and indeed all that know him will bear this testimony ; I hope then you will not refuse any thing God enjoins as a duty, and surely, beyond all question, he enjoins us to use all proper means for preserving the health of our bodies. Now, Madam, it is judged by those Avho understand, that it is proper for your Ladyship, on this occasion, to endeavour to get some rest. Will you then compose yom'self to rest, in com- pliance with your duty ?" " Yes, Sir," replied she, with great calmness. After this, for a while she lay sUent, and then began to whisper softly with a prayer, which she began with acknowiedg- ment of sins, original and actual, and particularly of unbelief. As she went on she raised her voice ; expressions that followed her affections were warm, and lively, and full of faith. To the aston- ishment of all present, she seemed to triumph. The first and greatest part of the prayer respected her spmtual condition, and in that she discovered not only a clear and distinct sense of sins, original and actual, but withal a solid conviction of the necessity, excellence, suitableness, sufficiency, and efficacy of Christ's media- tion. Moreover, she constantly expressed her reliance on it, renouncing all other things pretending to any usefulness to the same end. The expressions are lost that she used, they flowed so fast, which was contrary to her usual way of speaking. They were so surprising, and she continued so long in prayer, that our memories could not retain them. She expressed herself readily in pertinent Scriptiue phrases, evidencing thereby her acquaintance with the Scriptures, the w ord of God. Towards the close of her prayer, she prayed particularly for the family, and did make it appear she was in a very composed frame, and had a distinct view and understanding of all things belonging unto it. She omitted nothing that might tend to its good. She prayed for her husband. She begged the Lord would enable him to devote himself and family to God, and to be an exemplary pattern in his station and generation, and if the Lord should give him another yoke-fellow, she prayed she might be of more use to him in engaging him to
522 A RELATION OF MY LADY ANNE ELCHO.
God's ways, than she had been. She cast over her children upon God, as to their education. She forgave her enemies, praying that they might be forgiven of God, and were it the Lord's will, they might come to where she hoped ere long to be. Then, with extra- ordinary tenderness, even with more than what she evinced on other occasions, she said, "Lord, I never ate bread, nor drank wine at thy table ; thou knowest it was want of opportunity ; but, however, the blood of sprinkling cleanseth from aU sin, and I hope to be washed in that. Lord, pardon the want of a due regard to thy ser- vants ; thou knowest I did it ignorantly." When prayer was ended, she discoursed a little to those about her of the danger of deferring repentance to the last ; and then she said, " Mr Halyburton, is there anything I should order ?" He replied, " Madam, there are two things :^ one to give a testimony to the goodness of God's way ; the other is to make sure of their own interest in it. And seeing you have expressed your full confidence of your own salvation, and given a plain and devout testimony to the goodness of God's way, I think indeed the greatest part of your work is done." Where- upon she immediately cried out, " I would not come back again into a vain world for millions, tripled millions." After this she lay silent about half an hour, having told she had no more to say. After this silence, her fever grew high, which occasioned ravings for an hour's time, but without anything extravagant. When she spake of God in her ravings, it was with the greatest regard and reverence that any person could speak. After this hour's raving, she lay silent, struggling with the pains of death, for at least an hour, and then breathed out her soul without any great wrestling. This was the more strange, because she spoke as strong two hours before as any present could speak.
This was about five o'clock on Wednesday, February 22,^ 1700.
^ Another copy here inserts the clause — "That are the business and concern- ment of a dying Christian." 2 The dates are differently given in different copies.
INDEX.
INDEX.
Arminianism discussed in David Dickson's Address to the Ge- neral Assembly of 1638, 17-27.
B.
Blair, Robert, 6.
Bojd, Robert, Principal of the
College of Glasgow, 6. Burnet, Alexander, Archbishop of
Glasgow, 48, 57, 59.
C.
Calvin's Institutions referred to, 305.
Charles 11, and the Court, their design to overturn the govern- ment of the Church, 44, 379.
Coltness, the Lady, Last Words of, 495-507 ; her Epitaph, 508.
Confession of Faith, with the Sum of Saving Knowledge, the latter the work of Messrs Dickson and Durham, 11, 102, 398.
Crawford, Matthew, minister of Eastwood, his character of Wm. Gutlirie, 53.
Cunningham, John, his Sermon on Reconciliation to God, referred to, 417.
D.
Dickson, David, accountof his life, 1-28; his parentage and youth, 5 ; is chosen Professor of Philo- sophy in the University of Glas- gow, 6 ; ordained minister of Irvine, ib. ; is summoned before the High Commission, which passes sentence of deprivation, but afterwards withdraws it, ib. ; his ministerial labours eminently blessed, 7-9 ; stjle and method of preaching, 9 ; his singular service in the General Assembly at Glasgow in 1638, 10 ; is chosen Moderator of the General As- sembly of 1639, ib. ; becomes Professor of Divinity in the Uni- versity of Glasgow, ib. ; about 1650, succeeds to the Professor- ship of Divinity in the Univer- sity of Edinburgh, 11 ; com- poses his ** Truth's Victory over Error,'' in Latin, 12 ; on refus- ing the oath of supremacy he is ejected, ib. ; account of his death, 13 ; his family, ib. ; account of liis writings and works, 13-15 ; his address to the General As- sembly of 1638, on the subject of Arminianism, 17-27 ; his ad- dress when chosen Moderator of the General Assembly of 1639, 27, 28.
526
INDEX.
Directory for Public Worship, draught of, by Messrs Dickson, Henderson, and Calderwood, 11.
Dunlop, William, Professor of Di- vinity and Church History in the University of Edinburgh, his life and character of William Guthrie, 33-56.
Durham, James, minister at Glas- gow, 11.
Elcho, Lady Anne, a Relation of, about her being burnt, 509-522,
F.
Eraser, James, of Brea, minister at Culross, memoirs of, 81-370 ; his childhood and early disposi- tions, 89 ; providential escape from drowning, 90 ; steps of God's providence between his ninth and seventeenth year, 91 ; neglect of God and duty, 92 ; is put under, the care of the family chaplain, 93 ; for a time he is attentive to the counsels and in- structions of his tutor, 94, 95 ; proceeds to an open violation of the Sabbath, 96 ; parting with his tutor, he broke out into all manner of vice, ib. ; a barren profession takes possession of him, 97 ; wicked companions encourage him in evil, 98 ; in the midst of outward afflictions there are not wanting convic- tions of conscience, ib. ; he re- solves to forsake his evil ways and follow a new course of life, 99 ; trusting to his own strength, he had the very characters of a formalist, ib. ; his performance of duty not animated by a true and living faith, 100 ; the opera- tion of the Holy Spirit on the
heart, 102 ; merciful dispensa- tions of Providence, 103, 106 ; the sin against the Holy Ghost, 104, 107, 1 30 ; the time of youth the most fit season to seek God, 108 ; the neglect of prayer, me- ditation, and reading the Scrip- tures, have a great influence on decays in religion, 109 ; com- mencement in the Christian life, 111 ; his first communion Sab- bath, 113 ; temptations and dis- couragements, 114-118 ; Scrip- ture marks of conversion, 119, 120 ; the Lord's dealings with him considered, 120 ; instruc- tions and lessons learned from these providences, 122-126 ; un- belief and doubtings of his inter- est in Christ, 126-128 ; spiritual duties a weariness and burden, 129 ; grounds of his despair, be- setting sins, 130 ; though cast down, he was not utterly for- saken, 131 ; things influencing a decay in religion, and which require to be watched against, 132-134 ; the ways and steps of his recovery, 134-140 ; secret prayer and reading the Scrip- tures a powerful means, by the blessing of God, to a life of faith, 136 ; spiritual pride is peculiarly hateful to God, 138, 149 ; frame and exercise of the heart touch- ing his condition, 141-151 ; Christ precious to the believer ; "without faith it is impossible to please God," 151-167 ; objec- tions answered, 167 ; assaults of temptations, and deliverance from, 167-179 ; the carnal mind is enmity against God ; " God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble," 178, 179 ; a season of outward afflictions accompanied by spiritual decay, 180-184, 195-198; timemispent, omission of private duty, and
INDEX.
527
forsaking God, the fountain of living waters, 181 ; the sin of unbelief, 185-190 ; the Christian life a state of warfare, 199, 200 ; his recovery out of decays and afflictions, 200-211 ; doubts and uncertainty of his converted state, 203, 212 ; how supported and delivered under trials and afflictions, 211-217 ; humility and submission to God, 214-21 6 ; the Scriptures to be studied as being the power of God, and the wisdom of God, 219 ; Christ the sinner's hope and salvation, 217- 221 ; hinderances to progress in the Christian life, 221 ; he be- comes more diligent in duties, 222 ; spiritual exercises, 223- 228 ; conflict with the world ; earnest desire to draw near to God in the exercise of faith, love, and humility, 228-230 ; sloth a great enemy to the performance of duty, 231 ; evils under which he mourns, and against which he wrestles, 232-234 ; his remiss- ness in public duties, in doing good, and glorifying God, 238- 240 ; study to maintain fellow- ship with God, lessons of submis- sion to his holy will, and of love to the Saviour, 240-242 ; growth in grace, shedding a powerful in- fluence on the heart and con- versation, 242-245 ; grounds of doubting his conversion and in- terest in Christ, with answers thereto, 245-259 ; evidences of regeneration, 259-264 ; practical considerations by which he at- tained to peace as to his interest in Christ, 265-272 ; the duty of searching the Scriptures, which are able to make wise unto salva- tion, through faith which is in Christ Jesus, 271, 273 ; rules to be observed as the foundation of all true religion, 272-275 ; rules
followed in his daily walk, 275, 276 ; rules in speaking, 276, 277 ; rules in our actions, "whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God," 277-279 ; rules for conversation, 279, 280 ; enumeration of such things as he found blest for doing him good, 280-285 ; enumeration of such things as have done him evil, 285-287 ; Satan's devices whereby the work of sanctifica- tion hath been much hindered, 288-297 ; declaration of the great mercy of the Lord, who instruct- ed him in the wonderful things of his law, and made him know the mysteries of the kingdom of God, 297-301 ; his call to the mi- nistry, 302-309 ; the grounds upon which he judged himself called of God, 309 ; his ordination, ib.; the work and qualification of a minister of the Gospel, 310-316 ; in his public ministrations he earnestly desired to declare the whole counsel of God, dwelling chiefly on man's misery by na- ture, the nature of regeneration and salvation by Christ, 310 ; in his private exhortations and instruction, endeavouring the conversion of some and edifica- tion of others, 313 ; being called to serve God in the Gospel of his Son, in season and out of season, 314 ; observations and instruc- tions regarding the pastoral office, 316-325 ; he considered the great end and scope of a faith- ful minister is to draw souls to and build them up in Christ Jesus, 325 ; his marriage, 326- 330 ; providences, with observa- tions upon his married state and widowhood, 330-336 ; his public sufferings in the cause of religion, 336-338 ; is intercommuned, 338-340 ; his first imprisonment in the Bass, 340-350 ; is sum-
528
INDEX.
moned before the Council, 350- 35() ; his second imprisonment in Edinburgh, and afterwards in Blackness, 356 ; on being liber- ated, he is banished the kingdom, 357 ; for a year he resides in London ; being summoned before the King and Council, is impris- oned in Newgate for refusing the Oxford oath, 360-364 ; observa- tions on his sufferings, 364-370.
G.
Gillespie, Patrick, minister in Glasgow, 11,
Glasgow, General Assembly of 1638 held at, 10 ; Synod of in 1661, 44.
Glencairn, Earl of. Chancellor of Scotland, 45, 47.
Goodal, Mrs, Memoir of, 479-493 ; a witness to the renewing of the Solemn League and Covenant in 1648, 485 ; after the Reforma- tion she removes with her hus- band to Ireland, 487 ; her hus- band is imprisoned at Ardmagh, 490-492 ; on regaining his liberty they return to Scotland, 492.
Guthrie, Alexander, minister at Strickathrow, 33.
Guthrie, James, Professor of Phi- losophy in the University of St Andrews, thereafter minister at Stirling, 34 ; his execution, 45, 65.
Guthrie, John, minister at Tar- bolton, 34.
Guthrie, WiUiam, Memoirs of, 9 his life and character, 29-66 his parentage and birth, 33, 34 his studies at the University of St Andrews, 34 ; is appointed minister at Fenwick, 35 ; un- common success of his public and private ministrations, 36-38 ; his holy zeal in winning souls to
Christ, 38-40 ; his marriage and family, 40 ; his conduct and ser- vices in the Church Courts, 41 ; is appointed by the General As- sembly to attend the Presl)yte- rian army, 41, 42 ; diflSculties of his ministry as connected with the times, 42, 43 ; his views in preferring Fenwick to more im- portant charges, 43, 44 ; draught of an address to the Parliament, presented to the Synod of Glas- gow in 1661, by, 45 ; a remark- able blessing accompanies his la- bours, 46 ; he is suspended by Archbishop Bui-net in 1664, 48 ; his journey to Angus, ib. ; his sickness and death, 48, 49 ; ac- count of his character, 49-53 ; his personal and mental quali- ties, 49 ; his humility and unaf- fected piety, 50 ; eminent minis- terial qualifications, 51 ; testi- monies to his character by John Livingston and Matthew Craw- ford, 52 ; the " Trial of a Saving Interest in Christ," his only genuine work, has been eminent- ly blessed for good, 53, 54 ; Wod- row's account of his life and character, 56-63 ; account of his sufferings, 57 ; sentence of sus- pension, with his answer, 60-62 ; account of his life and character by Robert Traill, 64-66 ; his Sermon on Sympathy, 67-80.
H.
Hamilton, Archibald, minister of Ardmagh, 482.
I.
Irvine, Presbytery of, against the use of the Service-Book, 9.
INPEX.
529
K.
Kennedy, Thomas, minister at Lasswado, 416.
Kirton, James, minister at Rotter- dam, 484.
Perth, General Assembly of 1G18,
held at, 6. Presbyery established in the Church
at the Revolution, 447.
Lanark, the Covenant renewed at, in IGGG, 379.
Law, James, Archbishop of Glas- gow, G.
Livingston, John, minister at An- crum, his testimony to the char- acter of WiUiam Guthrie, 8, 12, 52.
Luther on the Galatians referred to, 305.
N.
NisBET, John, in Hardhill, relation of his life and sufferings, 371-409 ; his ancestry, 377, 378 ; swore the Solemn League and Covenant at Scoon in 1650, 379 ; his zeal in the cause of the Covenanters, ib.; distinguished himself at the bat- tles of Pentland, Drumclog, and Bothwell, 380 ; family bereave- ments, 381, 382 ; his wanderings and sufferings, 383-385 ; is taken prisoner, his examination before the Council at Edinburgh, 385- 388 ; sentence of death passed on him, 388 ; his last and dying testimony, 390-407 ; his behav- iour on the scaffold, 407-409.
0.
Owen, Dr John, liis character of Guthrie's " Trial of a Saving- Interest in Christ," 55.
VOL. II.
Q.
Quakers, their delusions, 191, 192.
R.
Reformation of religion sealed by the blood of its martyrs, 485.
Renwick, James, 399, 400, 420.
Rogers, John, minister of Dedham in Essex, 65.
Rutherford, Samuel, Professor of Divinity in the University of St Andrews, 9, 35, 53, 64, 136.
S.
SnEPiiERo's " Sound Believer," 113, 139, 144, 157, 168 ; his " Sincere Convert," 115.
Skinner, Lewis, minister at Brech- in, 49.
Spotswood, Archbishop, 7.
Stevenson, John, his " Comforting- Cordial for Christians," 411-477; experiences in his pilgrimage, 416 ; discouragements he had to contend with, 419 ; ho bewails the degeneracy of the times, 419, 420 ; his deep sense of redeeming love, and of man's recovery from his lost estate, 421, 422 ; praise to God for deliverance from trouble, 423, 424 ; afflictions and temptations, 424-435 ; remark- able providences and returns of prayer, 435 ; his preservation after the battle of Bothwell, 437 ; providential deliverances from
2 L
530
INDEX.
the rage of his persecutors, 438- 443 ; his journey to Craigdar- roch, aud what befell him there, 443-447 ; remarkable dispensa- tions, 437-4G1 ; meditations on texts of Scripture, 462-469 ; his last advices to his children, 469- 477.
Stewart, Mi*, minister at Girvan, 432.
Stewart, Lady, of Coltness ; see Coltness, the Lady.
Stewarton, revival and state of religion in the district of, 8.
Traill, Robert, minister in Lon-
don, his account Guthrie, 64-66.
U.
of William
UsHEB, Bishop, afterwards Arch- bishop, 8.
W.
Warner, Patrick, is imprisoned and banislied, 40 ; settled minis- ter at Irvine, ib.
Welsh, John, minister at Ayr, 7.
Welsh, John, minister at Irongray, 418.
Wodrow, Robert, his account of William Guthrie, 56-63.
END OF VOLUME SECOND.
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