etymological society, so the Limerick has, by leaning upon the arm of Lear and Miss Wells, ascended to an enviable position, and is welcomed wherever good verse is appreciated. We here present it and stand aside that it may make its best bow.

The first representative Limerick, according to Mr. Stanton Vaughn, was that beginning "There was a young man of St. Kitts," written about 1834. Lear is said to have derived his inspira- tion in 1846 from that gem of Mother Goose, "There was an old man of Tobago," — a favorite also of old Lady Tippins and the redoubtable Eugene. Since Lear's day the trend has been away from nonsense, and of those who would substitute wit a few have met with conspicuous success. To these gifted writers, Edward Lear, Cosmo Monkhouse, Carolyn Wells, Oliver Herford, Gelett Burgess, and others whose names we have diligently striven to discover, we are indebted and grateful. Limericks do "achieve an enormous circulation — verbally," and for this reason it has been difficult to trace authorship and accurate text. To forgiving authors and an indulgent public we commit the result of our labors.

THE SMILE ON THE FACE OF THE TIGER

There was a young man of St. Kitts, Who was very much troubled with fits ; The eclipse of the moon Threw him into a swoon ; When he tumbled and broke into bits.

m

There was an old man of Tobago, Who lived on rice, gruel, and sago ; Till much to his bliss His physician said this — 44 To a leg, sir, of mutton you may go."

VI

There once was a lady from Guam,

Who said, " Now the sea is so calm

I will swim, for a lark ; "

But she met with a shark.

Let us now sing the ninetieth psalm.

VII

I'd rather have fingers than toes, I'd rather have ears than a nose, And as for my hair, I'm glad it's all there, I'll be awfully sad when it goes.

There was an old man who said, " Do Tell me how Fm to add two and two ?

Pm not very sure

That it doesn't make four — But I fear that is almost too few/'

XI

There was a young woman named Sue, Who wanted to catch the 2.02;

Said the trainman, " Don't hurry

Or flurry or worry ; It's a minute or two to 2.02."

XIV

There was a young lady of Truro, Who wished a mahogany bureau, But they said to her, " God On the length of Cape Cod Couldn't raise a mahogany bureau!"

XV

A fellow named Teddy Magee,

Rolling homeward one night from a spree, Met the parson, who said, "Ah! drunk again, Ted!"

" Sho'm /, parson/' gurgled Magee.

xvni

There was a young lady of Crete, Who was so exceedingly neat, When she got out of bed She stood on her head, To make sure of not soiling her feet.

XIX

There was an old maid of Shanghai, Who was so exceedingly shy, When undressing at night, She turned out the light, For fear of the All Seeing Eye.

XXII

I wish that my room had a floor ;

I don't so much care for a door; But this crawling around Without touching the ground

Is getting to be quite a bore.

xxni

There was an old man of Tarentum, Who chewed on his teeth till he bent ' And when asked for the cost Of what were not " lost " Said, "I really can't tell, for I rent 'e

XXVI

A sleeper from the Amazon Put nighties of his gra'mazon

The reason, that

He was too fat To get his own pajamazon.

XXVII

There was a man in Henderson, Who had a tall and slenderson,

A human rail,

Who used a nail, To fasten his suspenderson.

xxvni

There was a man in Atchison, Whose trousers had rough patchison ;

He found them great,

He'd often state, To scratch his parlor matchison.

XXDC

A silly young fellow named Hyde, In a funeral procession was spied ;

When asked, " Who is dead?"

He giggled and said, 44 1 don't know ; I just came for the ride."

XXX

There was an old man in a hearse, Who murmured, " This might have been worse;

Of course the expense

Is simply immense, But it doesn't come out of my purse/'

XXXI

There was a young man of Fort Blainey, Who proposed to a typist named Janey :

When his friends said, " Oh, dear !

She's so old and so queer ! " He replied, " But the day was so rainy ! "

XXXII

There was a young man from the West, Who loved a young lady with zest ; So hard did he press her To make her say, " Yes, sir," That he broke three cigars in his vest.

xxxin

There was a young sailor of Lyd, Who loved a fair Japanese kid ; When it came to good-bye, They were eager but shy, So they put up a sunshade and — did.

XXXIV

There once was a maiden of Siam, Who said to her lover, young Kiam,

" If you kiss me, of course

You will have to use force, But God knows you're stronger than I am."

XXXV

There once was an old man of Lyme, Who married three wives at a time : When asked, "Why a third?" He replied, " One's absurd ! And bigamy, sir, is a crime/'

XXXVI

There once was an old kangaroo, Who painted his children sky-blue ; When his wife said, " My dear, Don't you think they look queer ? " He replied, "I don't know but they do/'

xxxvn

There once was a maid of Japan,

Who married a Hottentot man; The maid she was yellow, Black as coal was the fellow,

And their children were all black and tan.

XXXVIH

There was a young man of Dunbar, Who playfully poisoned his Ma ; When he'd finished his work, He remarked with a smirk, " This will cause quite a family jar/*

XXXIX

There was an old lady of Brooking, Who had a great genius for cooking ;

She could bake sixty pies

All of quite the same size, And tell which was which without looking.

XL

A joiner of intellect crude

Said, "Why not use sawdust for food?

It's cheap by the ton,

And it nourishes one, And that's the chief object of food/'

XLI

There once was a girl of New York, Whose body was lighter than cork; She had to be fed For six weeks upon lead, Before she went out for a walk*

XLII

For beauty I am not a star,

There are others more handsome by far .*

But my face ; — I don't mind it,

For I am behind it ; It's the people in front that I jar.

XLIII

A father once said to his son, " The next time you make up a punt Go out in the yard And kick yourself hard, And I will begin when you've done."

XLIV

There was an old woman of Tweedle, Who sat down in church on a needle ;

Though deeply imbedded,

'Twas luckily threaded, And extracted at once by the beadle.

XLV

There was a fat canon of Durham, Who trod on a cloister-bred wurrum ;

Said he to the beadle,

" Prepare the cathedr'l, And let us proceed to inter 'm."

XLVI

There was a young lady whose dream Was to feed a black cat on whipped cream; But the first cat she found Spilled the cream on the ground, And she fed a whipped cat on black cream.

XLVII

There was an old fellow named Green, Who grew so abnormally lean, And flat, and compressed, That his back touched his chest, And sideways he couldn't be seen*

XLVIH

There was a young lady of Lynn, Who was so excessively thin,

That when she essayed

To drink lemonade She slipped through the straw and fell in.

XLDC

There was an old man from Antigua, Whose wife said, " My dear, what a pig you are!"

He replied, " O my queen,

Is it manners you mean, Or do you refer to my f ig-u-a ? "

There was a young lady named Perkins, Who had a great fondness for gherkins ;

She went to a tea

And ate twenty-three, Which pickled her internal workings.

LI

There was a young lady named Maud, A very deceptive young fraud ;

She never was able

To eat at the table, But out in the pantry, — O Lord !

LH

There was a young maid who said, " Why Can't I look in my ear with my eye ?

If I put my mind to it

Fm sure I can do it : You never can tell till you try/'

LHI

Erat Romanorum dictator Qui hated his uxoris mater ;

Cum leo her edit,

A holler he dedit, Et dixit, " Vale, ma, until later/'

LIV

There was a young lady from Boston, A two-horned dilemma was tossed on,

As to which was the best,

To be rich in the West Or poor and peculiar in Boston.

LV

There once was a lonesome, lorn spinster, And luck had for years been ag'inst her ; When a man came to burgle She shrieked, with a gurgle, " Stop thief, while I call in a minister ! "

LVI

There was an old maid named McDowd, Who got squeezed in a terrible crowd ; The thing that most vexed her Was that there stood next her A man who said " Damn " right out loud.

LVII

A mathematical maiden named Chaucer Cried "O fie \" and "For shame I" and "O law, Sir !"

44 Dividers have limbs

Like indelicate hims. So circles I draw with a saucer*"

LVIIIa

There was a young lady named Hannah, Who slipped on a peel of banana.

More stars she espied

As she lay on her side Than are found in the Star Spangled Banner.

LVfflb

A gentleman sprang to assist her ;

He picked up her glove and her wrister ;

" Did you fall, Ma'am ? " he cried;

" Do you think," she replied, 44 1 sat down for the fun of it, Mister ? "

LIX

There once was a doughty young fly, Who said, "I will do it or die; "

So she took off her stocking,

A spectacle shocking, And waded right into a pie.

LX

There was a young woman from Wilts Who went up to Scotland on stilts.

When they said, "Oh, how shocking To show so much stocking ! " She answered, "Well, how about kilts?"

LXI

There was a young lady of Lynn, Who believed in original sin. She'd try to be good As hard as she could, — And then she'd go at it ag'in.

Lxn

Augustus Fitzgibbons Mor an Fell in love with Maria McGinn, With a yell and a whoop He cleared the front stoop Just ahead of her papa's brogan.

LXIII

Said a bad little youngster named Beauchamp, 44 Those jelly tarts, how shall I reauchamp ?

To my parents I'd go,

But they always say no, No matter how much I beseauchamp."

LXIV

A bright little maid in St. Thomas Discovered a suit of pajhomas.

Said the maiden, " Well, well !

What they are I can't tell, But Pm sure that these garments St. Mhoma's."

LXV

An amorous M. A.

Says that cupid, the C D., Doesn't cast for his health But is rolling in wealth —

He's the John Jaco-B. H.

LXVI

A sore-hipped hippopotamus, much flustered, Objected to a poultice made of custard.

Said he, "This cussed flip

Seems to irritate my hip/* So they put upon his hip a pot o' mustard.

LXVII

The Sultan got sore on his harem And invented a scheme for to scare 'em ; He caught him a mouse Which he loosed in the house; (The confusion is called harem-scarem).

Lxvm

A tutor who tooted the flute,

Tried to teach two young tooters to toot ;

Said the two to the tutor,

" Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tooters to toot ? "

LXIX

A canner, exceedingly canny,

One morning remarked to his granny,

44 A canner can can

Anything that he can, But a canner can't can a can, can he ? "

LXX

Said a miser who sordidly mised, " My gold I have always despised ; I have stinged till Fm stingy, And dinged till I'm dingy, But it's really the practice I've prized."

LXXI

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were imprisoned, so what could they do ? Said the fly," Let us flee," Said the flea, "Let us fly,"

So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

LXXII

A certain young fellow named Beebee Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe.

" But/' said he, " I must see

What the clerical fee Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."

LXXUI

There was a great swell in Japan,

Whose name on a Tuesday began ;

It lasted through Sunday

Till twilight on Monday,

And sounded like stones in a can.

LXXIV

My grandma, Rose Angela Hemans, Is disposed to delirium tremens.

She contracted the habit

Of eating Welsh Rarebit At midnight, and then she'd see demons.

LXXV

There was a young person named Ned, Who dined, before going to bed,

On lobster and ham

And salad and jam, And when he awoke he was dead*

LXXVI

There once were some learned M.D/s, Who captured some germs of disease,

And infected a train

Which, without causing pain, Allowed one to catch it with ease.

LXXVH

There once was a pious young priest, Who lived almost wholly on yeast ;

44 For/' he said, " it is plain

We must all rise again, And I want to get started, at least/'

LXXVHI

There was a young lady named Ruth, Who had a great passion for truth.

She said she would die

Before she would lie, And she died in the prime of her youth.

LXXIX

There was an old man in a tree, Who was horribly bored by a bee; When they said, "Does it buzz?" He replied, "Yes, it does, It's a regular brute of a bee."

LXXX

There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by a wasp ;

When they asked, « Does it hurt ?"

He replied, " No, it doesn't, But I thought all the time 'twas a hornet I"

( W. S, Gilbert's parody oj No. LXXIX.)

LXXXI

There was a young man from Cornell, Who said, "I'm aware of a smell,

But whether it's drains

Or human remains I'm really unable to tell/'

LXXXII

A man to whom illness was chronic. When told that he needed a tonic,

Said, "O Doctor dear,

Won't you please make it beer ? " " No, no/' said the Doc., " that's Teutonic."

LXXXHI

To his wife said a person named Brown, 44 My dear, there's a caller from town/'

" Wait/' she cried in distress,

"Till I slip on a dress/' But she slipped on the stairs and came down.

LXXXIV

There was an old man of Kamschatkat Who possessed a remarkably fat cur;

His gait and his waddle

Were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

LXXXV

44 Cassez-vous, cassez-vous, cassez-vous, O mer, sur vos froids gris cailloux."

Ainsi traduisit Laure

Au profit d^Isadore, (Bon jeune homme, et son futur epoux).

LXXXVI

Un marin naufrage* (de Doncastre) Pour priere, au milieu du desastre,

Rep&ait a genoux

Ccs mots simples et doux : — " Sctntillez, scintillez, petit astre ! "

LXXXVII

A young person of Tomahawk Bluff Carried pistols to make him look tough.

When they asked, "Do you chew?"

He replied, " Yes, I do, I'm a wegular wetch of a wough."

LXXXVIII

There was a young lady of Skye, With a shape like a capital I;

She said, "It's too bad!

But then, I can pad," Which shows you that figures can lie.

LXXXIX

There was a young lady from Joppa, Whose friends all decided to drop her. She went to Ostend On a trip with a friend — And the rest of the story's improper.

xc

There was a young woman named Florence, Who for kissing professed great abhorrence; But when she'd been kissed And found what she'd missed, She cried till the tears came in torrents.

XCI

There was a young lady named Nellt Who considered herself quite a belle ; She sat on the sand And held her own hand, And never discovered the sell.

xcn

There was a young person called Kate, Who sat on the stairs very late.

When asked how she fared,

She said she was scared, But was otherwise doing first-rate.

xcm

There was an old man with a beard, Who said, " It is just as I feared ! —

Two owls and a hen,

Four larks and a wren, Have all built their nests in my beard/*

XdV

Said a great congregational preacher To a hen, " You're a beautiful creature."

And the hen, just for that,

Laid an egg in his hat, And thus did the Hen reward Beecher.

xcv

There was a young curate of Worcester, Who could have a command if he'd choose ter,

But he said each recruit

Must be blacker than soot, Or else he'd go preach where he used ter.

( Written of Thomas Went-worth Higginson.)

XCV1

A genius who once did aspire To invent an aerial flyer,

When asked, " Does it go ?"

Replied," I don't know; Pm awaiting some damphule to try *er."

XCVIIa

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who kept all his cash in a bucket,

But his daughter named Nan

Ran away with a man, And alas for the bucket, Nan-tuck-et !

XCVHb

But he followed the pair to Pawtuckett The man and the girl with the bucket, And he said to the man, He was welcome to Nan; And as for the bucket, Paw-tuck-et !

xcvnt

Said the old man of Abinger-Hammei4, Who was blessed with a wife and a stammer,

" The plague of my life

Is my w-w-w-wife, D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dammer ! "

XdX

There was a young lady of Cork, Whose Pa made a fortune in pork ; He bought for his daughter A tutor who taught her To balance green peas on her fork.

There was a young man so benighted, He never knew when he was slighted ;

He would go to a party,

And eat just as hearty, As if he'd been really invited.

a

There was a young person called Smarty, Who sent out his cards for a party ; So exclusive and few Were the friends that he knew That no one was present but Smarty.

CII

There were three young women of Birming- ham, And I know a sad story concerning 'em ;

They stuck needles and pins

In the Right Reverend shins Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.

cin

There was a young man from Quebec, Who was buried in snow to his neck ;

When asked, " Are you friz ? "

He replied, " Yes, I is - But this is not cold for Quebec/'

ov

There was an old man of Madrid, Who was hit with a brick by a kid;

Said the man, " Oh, what joy

To wallup that boy ! Be darned if I don't ; " and he did.

cv

There was a young lady named Tucker, Who rushed at her mother and struck her ; Her mother said, "Damn, Don't you know who I am ? You act like a regular mucker/*

CVI

A scrupulous priest of Kildare, Used to pay a rude peasant to swear,

Who would paint the air blue,

For an hour or two, While his reverence wrestled in prayer*

cvn

There was a young lady named Banker, Who slept while the ship lay at anchor ; She awoke in dismay When she heard the mate say : 44 Now hoist up the top sheet, and spanker."

cvin

There once was a lady so fair

That no one could see she was there :

It may not seem decent

To be so translucent, But we pardon all things to the fair.

ox

There was an old monk of Siberia,

Whose existence grew drearier and drearier ;

He burst from his cell

With a hell of a yell, And eloped with the Mother Superior.

ex

There's a lady in Kalamazoo,

Who bites all her oysters in two :

She has a misgiving,

Should any be living,

They'd raise such a hullabaloo.

CXI

There once was a sculptor named Phidias, Whose statues by some were thought hideous :

He made Aphrodite,

Without any nightie, Which shocked all the ultra fastidious.

cxn

There was a young lady named Enos, Who went to a ball dressed as Venus.

The guests said, "It's rude,

To come in the nude — And they brought her a leaf from the green'us."

cxm

Said the Reverend Jabez McCotten, " The waltz of the devil's begotten/' Said young Jones to Miss Sly " Never mind that old guy : To the pure almost everything's rotten/

cxrv

II y avait une demoiselle de Nigre, Qui souriait en se promenant a tigre ; De la course en rentrant Voila la dame en dedans, Et le sourire a la gueule du tigre.

LIST OF SOURCES

LIST OF SOURCES

ARLO BATES LVII

GELETT BURGESS VII, xxn

CHICAGO TRIBUNE XXVII

F. G. CHRISTGAU LXIV

GEORGE DU MAURIER LXXXV, LXXXVI

W. S. GILBERT LXXX

HARVARD LAMPOON VIII, LIU, LXV

OLIVER HERFORD LXXVI

DAVID STARR JORDAN XLVI, CVlll

RUDYARD KIPLING cm

THE LARK LXX

EDWARD LEAR .... IX, LXXIX, LXXXiv, xcm LIFE xv, xxi, LXII, LXXXVII

LIPPINCOTT'S XXVIII

COSMO MONKHOUSE XX, XXXV, XLI

PRINCETON TIGER . LXVII

ALPHONSO ROSS XCIV

ST. NICHOLAS XCM

MRS. SIVRET XCV

THE TECH XXV

CAROLYN WELLS ... XI, XII, LXin, LXVIII, LXIX

University of California

SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY

405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388

Return this material to the library

from which it was borrowed.

000 028 502

University Souther

.

.