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PERKINS LIBRARY
JJuke University
Kare iJooks
Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2011 with funding from Duke University Libraries
http://www.archive.org/details/somereflectionsuOOaste
BOOKS written by the fame Author^ and fold ^^ William Parker, at the King's'Head in St. haul's Church- Yard.
HE CHRISTIAN RELIGION, asPro-
fefs'd by a D a u g h t e r of the Church of Eyigland. The Third Edition. Shewing, the due Behaviour of Women-, the Vices they ought to Shun^ and the Virtues they ought to Pra&ice. A Treatife very neceirary, in this dege- nerate Age, to confirm the Ladies in iheir 'Reli- gious Prir/cifksy and to inftrudt them in what they ought to beliei-e and pra&ife, in order to their 'Eternal Salvation.
A Serious Proposal to the Ladies for the Advancement of their true and greateji Intereft, Part I. The Fourth Edition.
A Serious Propos al to the Ladies, Part II. Wherein a Method is offered for the Improvement of their Minds.
Letters concerning the Love of God, between the Author of the Propofal to the Ladiesy and Mr. John Norris : Wherein his late Difcourfe, Ihewing, diat it ought to be intire and exclufive of all other Loves, is farther cleared and juftificd. The fecond Edition.
An Enquiry after Wit: Wherein the tri- fling Arguing, and impious Raillery of the late Earl of Shaftsbury-, in his Letter concerning Enthufiafm:^ and other profane Writers, are fully Anfwcr'd and juftly Expofed. The Second Edition.
Moderation truly ftated : Or a Review of a late Pamphlet, intided, Moderation a Vertue. With a Prefatory Difcourfe to Dr. Ifyive^iant, concern- ing his late EfTayson Peace and War. /i^to.
SOME
REFLECTIONS
UPON
MARRIAGE
With Additions.
The FOURTH EDITION.
LONDON:
Printed for W i l 1. 1 a m P a r k e R, at the Kings Head in St. Paul's Church- Yard.
M.DCC.XXX.
.^
:? i
ADVERTISEMENT.
HESE Reflexions being made in the Country^ 'where the Book that occajiond them came but late to Hand, the Reader is dejird to excufe their Unfeafonahlenefs as well as other Faults 5 and to believe^ that they have no other Dejign than to Cor^ reH feme Ahufes^ which are not the lefs hecaufi Tower a?id Trefeription feem to authorize them. If any is fe needkjly curious as to inquire from
what
44C440
Al^VERTISEMENT.
fwloat Hand they come^ they may pleafe to know, that it is not good Manners to asky Jince the 'Title Vage does not tell them : We are all of us fiifficiently Vain^ and 'without doubt J the celebrated Name of Au- thor, which mojl arefo fond of had not been avoided hut for very good Reafons : To name but one ^ Who will care to pull upon themfelves an Hornet's Nefl: ? 'Tis a very great Faulty to regard rather Who it is that fpeaksy than What is fpoken 5 and either to fubmit to Authority^ when we floould only yield to Rea^ fon 5 or if Reafon prefs too hard, to think to ward it off by T^er final Ob^ je6fions and Reflexions. Bold Truths may pafs while the Speaker is In- cognito, but are feldom endurd when he is known 5 few Minds be'
ing
Adv ertisement. ing (irong enough to hear ^hat cori" t radios their Principles and ^rac" ticeSj ^without recriminating when they can. And though to tell the Truth he the mojl Friendly Office^ yet whofoever is fa hardy as to ven^ ture at it^ Jloall he counted an Enemy forfo doing.
The Preface in the Lift Edition being extended to an uncommon Length, is now printed at the lat- ter End, as an Appendix.
E KK At A.
Page II. line if. read^owr^ p. 14. 1. f. r.fufficient., p. zi. 1. 10. dele in that; p. 97. 1. 10. after opfofe add /* ; p. 130. 1.6. r. Adulterer y — 1. 23. v. humbled, p. 131. 1. 2. for than read as; p. 1^6. \. 14. for was r, is.
44CM0
Booh Sold hy W. Parker.^
A Rchbifhop Sharp's Sermons. 4 Vols. •**■Bifhop Moor's Sermons. 2 Vols.
A Colleftion of above three hundred Receipts in Cookery, Phyfick, and Surger)', for the Ufe of all good Wives, tender Mothers, and careful Nurfes. By feveral Hands. The Fourth Edition : To which is added, a fecond Part, containing a great Number of excellent Receipts, for Preferving and Conferving of Sweet-Meats, crc.
A Differtation of the Extreme FoUy and Danger of Infideli-v ; occafioncd by a late virulent Book, intitled, A Difcourfc on the Grounds and Reafons of the Chriflian Religion. By Thomas Curteis^ Redor of Wrotham in K.ent. Second Edition. Pr. 2x.
An Inquiry whether a general Pradice of Virtue tends to the Wealth or Poverty, Benefit or Advan- tage of a People ? In which the Pleas offered by the Author of the Fable of the Bees, cr. Private Vices, Publick Benefits, for the Ufetulnefs of Vice and Roguery, are confidered \ with fome Thought? concerning a Toleration of Publick Stews. By the late Mr. Bluett. Pr. 2 s. 6d.
The Hiftory of the Life and Sufferings of the Re- verend and Learned John WkkliW-, D. D. Warden of Canterbury Hall, and Publick ProfefTor of Divi- nity in Oxford^ and Reftor of Lutterivorth in JLe/"- ceflerjhire^ in the Reign of King Edward III. and Richard the II. j together with a Colledion of Papers relating to the faid Hiftory, never before Printed. By John Levjis, M. A. Minifter o( Margate in Kent.
The Church Catechifm explained for the Ufe of the Diocefe of St. yifaph. By the Right Reverend Father in God PFUl. Beverrdge, D. D. late BilTiop of St. Afaph. Sixdi Edition.
The Faith and Pradice of the Omxchoi England- Man. The Ninch Edition. Price ^d.
Principles of the Cyprianic Age, with Regard to Epifcopal Power and Jurifdidion, aflerted and re- commended from the genuine Writings of St. Cy* Man liimfelf, and his Contemporaries.
SOME
REFLECTIONS
UPON
MARRIAGE.
URIOSITY, which is lometimes an Occafion of Good, but more frequent- ly of Mifchief, by difturb- ing our own or our Neigh- bours Repofe, having induced me to read the Account of an unhappy Marriage, I thought an Afternoon w^ould not be quite thiown away in purfuing fuch Reflexions as it occafion'd. I am far from defigning a Satire upon Marriage, as fome pretend, either unkindly or B igno-
Reflections
Ignorant! y, through want of Rejle^ton in that Senfe wherein I ufe the Word.
One wou*d have thought that Cardi- nal Mazarim^ whofe Dignity, Power and Riches, rendered him fo confidera- ble in the Eyes of all Europe ; and who, like moft great Minifters, aim'd at no- thing ib much as the aggrandizing him- felf and his Family, and who wanted no Opportunities of doing it, Ihould have taken his Meafures fo juftly as not to be difappointed : At leaft, that a Fa- brick rais'd with fo much Art and Coft, founded in the Oppreflion, and cement- ed with the Blood of the People, fhould not fo quickly have tumbled into the Duft after him. But fo it is, Providence, whether we think of it or no, over- rules our Anions and baffles our beft- concerted Projects : So that unlefs wc wilfully Ihut our Eyes, we cannot but difcern, that when Meji in Power and Honour leave God out of their Schemes, they have jio Under pandtng^ though their natural Genius be ever fo bright^ hut
are
upon Marriage. i
are jilftly compared to the Beajis that pe^ rijh. The Ignorant and Fooli/lp fucceed quite as well as the fVorldly-ivife^ who carry nothing away with them when they die, neither will their Riches and Glory defcend as they intended. It is only by generous and worthy Adions that we are refcued from Oblivion, or from what is worfe, being remembred with Con- tempt and Execrations : So little Reafoa is there to envy any Man's Wealth and Greatnels, but much to emulate their Wifdoni and Vertue whofe Views extend to a more durable Felicity.
'T I s natural to wetl-turn'd Minds^ when they hear of any Pcrfon eminent in Wit and Beauty, adorn'd with Politc- nefs and Addrels, to wilh thefe may be accompanied and fupported by what is more valuable and laftiog, folid Senfe and real Yertue. One grieves at any Imputa- tion on fuch an engaging Charader, and if one cannot always find the favou- rite Perfon fortunate, one labours for the Confolation of finding them difcreet; B 0, and
Reflections
and even where their Condud is not wholly blamelefs, CornpafTion and Good- nature will take Place of Cenfure in a Noble, as well as in a Chriftian Heart. We find out fomething to excufe, fome- thing to regret, lamenting that fiich a Treafure fhould fall into unworthy Hands, infenlible of its Value, unskilful to preferve and improve it: We figh, we grieve, that any Perfon capable of being an Ornament to a Family, and Blef^ fing to the Age, Ihould only ferve as an unhappy Shipwreck to point out the Misfortune of an ill Education and un- fuitable Marriage, and the inexprefiiblc Danger of feeking Confolation and Relief, in any thing but Innocence and Vertue.
They only who have felt it, know the Mifery of being forcM to marry where they do not love ; of being yok'd for Life to a difagreeable Perfon and impe- rious Temper, where Ignorance and Fol- ly (the Ingredients of a Coxcomb, who is the moft unfufFcrable Fool) tyrannizes over Wit and Senfe ; To be perpetual-
upon Marriage. ly contradicted for ContradicHon-falve, and bore down by Aiithoritv, not by Argument ; to be denied one's moft in- nocent Defires, for no other Realon but the abfblute Will and Pleafure of a Lord and Mafter, whofe Follies a Wife, with all her Prudence, cannot hide, .^nd whole Commands fhe cannot but delpife at the fame Time that fhe obeys them.
• Or, fuppofe on the other Hand, fne has married the Man fhe loves, hcap'd upon him the higheft Obligations, by putting into his Power the Fortune he coveted, the Beauty he profefs'd to adore j how foon are the Tables turn'd > It is her Part now to court and fawn j his real or pretended Pailion foon cools into Indifference, Ncglcd, or perhaps Aver- {ion. 'Tis well if he prefervcs a de- cent Civility, takes a little care of Ap- pearances, and is willing to conceal his Breach of faith.
But lliall a Wife retaliate? God
forbid ! no Provocation, though ever fo
B 3 great.
Reflect loMs great, can excufe the Sin, or lefTen the Folly : It were indeed a revenging the Injury upon herfelf jn the moft terrible Manner. The Italian Proverb ihews a much, better Way, If you would be re-, venged of your EncmieSy live well.
Devotion is the proper Remedy, and the only infallible Relief in all Di- ftrefTes ; when this is negleded or turn'd into Ridicule, we run, as from one Wic- kednefs, io from one Misfortune, to an- other. Unhappy is that Grandeur which is too great to be good, and that which fets us at a Diftance from true Wifdom. Even Bigotry, as contemptible as it is, is preferable to profane Wit ; for that requires our Pity, but this deferves our Abhorrence.
A Woman who fecks Confolation under Domeftick Troubles from the Gaieties of a Court, from' Gallantry, Gaming, rambling in Search of odd Ad- ventures, childifh, ridiculous and ill- natur'd Amufements, fuch as we find in
;he
iip07i Marriage. the unhappy Madam M — 's MemotrSy the common Methods of getting rid of Time, that is, of our very Being, and keeping as much as we can at a Diftancc from ourfelvcs, will find thcfc are very infignificant Applications ; they hardly skin the Wound, and can never heal it, they even hurt, they make it feftcr, and render it almoft incurable.
What an ill Figure docs a Woman make, with all the Charms of her Beau- ty, and Sprightlinefs of her Wit, with all her good Humour and infinuating Addrefs, though fhe be the beft Oecono- mift in the World, the mofl: entertain- ing Company, if (he remit her Guard, abate in the Severity of her Caution, and Striitnefs of her Vertue? If fhe neglects thofc Methods which arc necelhiry to keep her, not only from a Crime, but from the very Sufpicion of one? She juftifies the Injury her Husband has done her, by publifhing to the World, that whatever good Qualities Ihe may pof^ fefs, Difcrction, the Miftrcfs of all the B 4 Tcft,
8 Reflections
reft, is wanting : Though fhe be really guiltlefs, fhe cannot prove her Innocence, the Sufpicions in her Prejudice are fo ftrong. When fhe is cenlur'd, Charity, that thinks no Evil, can only be filent ; though it believes and hopes the beft, it cannot engage in her Defence, nor apologize for irregular Actions.
A N ill Husband may deprive a Wife of the Comfort and Quiet of her Life, give occafion of exercifing her Vertue, try her Patience and Fortitude to the iitmofb, which is all he can do; it is herfelf only that can accompliih her Ruin.
I N vain we feek for Colours to var- nifii faulty Manners. An Advocate ihews the bell Side of his Wit, but the worft of his Integrity when he has an ill Caufe to manage: But to what Pur- pof? ? He cannot inipofe on the Judicious, his Colouring vanillics before their Eyes, . and a good deal of Malice, with a very little Senfe, will find the Weaknefs of
his
upon Marriage. his Arguments; fo much the more fiifpe- ded, by how much the more laboured : For Truth is plain and forcible, depend- ing on her own Strength ; fhe requires no more than to be placed in a proper Light, nor condefcends to Art or Infi- nuations, unlefs in Compaffion to the Weaknei's and Prejudice of Mankind. Nor are they lefs miftaken in regard of "Wit, which confifts not meerly in faying what is odd and out of the way ; Fools do this pretty often ; but Wit confifts in exprefling good Senfe in a furpridng, yet natural and agreeable Manner.
There are fome Reafons, (for the Laws of God and Man allow Divorces in certain Cafes) though not many, that authorize a \\ ife*s leaving her Husband, but if any Thing fhort of abfolute Ne- ceflity, from irreclaimable Vice and Cru- elty, prevails with her to break thefe facred and ftrongeft Bonds, how is fhe expos'd to Temptations and Injuries, Contempt, and the juft Cenfure of the World. A Woman of Senfe, one fliou'd
think,
10 Reflections
think, could take but little Pleafurc in the Courtfhip and Flatteries of her Ado- rers, even when Ihe is fingle : But for a married Woman to admit of Love Ad- dreifes, is woriethan FolLy; it is a Crime fo ridiculous, that I will never believe a Woman of Senfe can be guilty of it. For what does a Man pretend when he whines and dangles after a married Wo-^ man ? Would he have her think he ad-^ mires her, when he is treating her with the laft Contempt ? or that he loves her, when he is trying his Arts to gratify his brutal Paflion, at the Price of all that is dear to her ? His line Speeches have either no Meaning, or a reproachful one ; he affronts her Underftanding as well as her Vertue, if he fancies Ihc can- not difcern, or wants Spirit to refent the Infults. She can look on him no other-i- wife than as the worft of Hypocrites, who flatters to betray, and fawns that he may ruin ; who is laying Snares to entangle her in a Commerce founded on Injuftice, and Breach of the molt facred Vows, carried on by Diilimulation,
Treachery^
up07i Marriage. \\
Treachery, Lyes, and Deceit, attended with Fear and Anxiety, Shame, Re- niorfe, the bitter Stings of Guilt, whole fatal Confequences cannot be forefeen, the Icaft of which is the blafting of her Honour. And why all this Mifchief ? Why, bccaufe he profelTcs to think her amiable, and with the blacked: Trea- chery takes Advaiitage of her Weakncfs, and the too good Opinion fhe has enter- tained of him, to render her odious ! to render her contemptible to himfelf, as well as to the World.
Who would be that unhappy Per- fon with all her Grandeur, Wit an4 Beauty, who gave Occafion to thcfe Re- Jietiions ? Who would live fo infamoufly, and die {o miferably ? Wha;)£ver Apo- logies the Interfiled may invent, what they call Gallantry will find a harlhcr Name with the Modeft and Difcrcet* Or elfe Gallantry, under whatever Form, niuft pafs for a fcandalous Amufement, not to be allow'd among Perfons of Ver- tue and Honour. It is indeed ridicu- lous
12 Reflections
lous to talk of hartnlefs Gallantry; there is, there can be no fuch Thing : For befides the Umbrage and Scandal, a Chriftian muft be pure in Heart and Eyes ; ihe who has vovv'd her AfFedions to one, and is his Property, cannot with- out Injuftice, and even Perjury, parcel them out to more.
I T is in Diftempers of the Mind as in thofe of the Body, a little Care and Prudence will prevent what requires a long and difficult Regimen to cure : Therefore in both Cafes the Aphorifm holds ; R^Jlft the Beginnings • be early on our Guard. There was a Time when the moll abandoned Sinner would have fhrunk with Horror, at what by De- grees becomes familiar, and, as they fan- cy, natural. The Sap is carryM on againft Vertue as artfully as againft a fortified Town, and the Approaches are as methodical : But in this the Cafe is different, the Befieged cannot fly; where- as Vertue is beft fecured by avoiding the Enemy. They are fenfiblc of this,
and
upon Marriage^ ij
and therefore nothing more common than that filly Maxim, Ihaf Vertue is not Fertile till it has been tried. This is a Mortar-piece that has done more Exe- cution than all their other Arts^ for Self- confidence is always a Prelude to Deftru- 6tion. The Wife who liftens to Admi- rers runs into Temptation, and fports up- on a Precipice. For, as a noble Lord, who knew the World perfectly well, inftruds his Daughter, flie may as well play with Fire, as dally with Gallantry. I can fay nothing fo well upon this Sub- jed, as what is writ by this noble Au- thor, whom therefore I beg leave to tranlcribe :
** The ExtravagcVicies of tl: ^ Age " have made Caution more neceflfary ^ " and by the fame Reafon that the too " great Licence of ill Men, hath by " Confequence in many I'hings rcftrain^ " ed the lawful Liberty of thofe who " did not abufe it, the unjuftifiable " Freedom of feme of your Sex, have <f involved the reft in the Penalty of be-
" ing
^4 Reflectiom^
" ing reduced. And though this caft* " not fo alter the Nature of Things, as " to make that Criminal^ which in it " felf is Indifferent ; yet if it maketh it " da^jgerouj, that alone is infufficient to " juftify the Refiraintt. A clofe Beha- *' vtour is the fitteft to receive Vertue " for its conftant Giieji^ becaufe there,.- " and there only, it can be fecure. Pro- *' per Referves are the Outworks, and " mull fiever be deferted by thofe who *' intend to keep the Place ; they keep *' off the Poflibility not only of being " take??., but of being attempted ; and if " a Woman feeth Danger at never fo re- " mote a Diftance, fhe is for that Time " to Ihorten her Line of Liberty : She " who will allow her felf to go to the " utmoji Extents of every thing that is " lawful^ is Ho very near going further, " that thofe who lie at watch, will be- " gin to count upon her.
*< Mankind, from the double Temp- ^* tation of Faulty and Dejire^ is apt to " turn every thing a }Voman doth to
" the
upon Marriage. tj
*' the hopeful Side'^ and there are few *' who dare make an impudent Appli- " cation, till they difcern fomething " which they are willing to take for an *' Rncourageimnt : It is fafer therefore to ** prevent fuch Forwardnefs^ than to go " about to cure it : It gathercth Strength " by the firft Allowances^ and claimeth " a Right from having been at any Time " fuffcred with Impunity : Therefore " nothing is with more Care to be " avoided, than fuch a kind of CiviUty '' as may be miftakcn for Invitation. "
I N the Time of Yore a Knave was no more than a Servant, and polTibly a Gal" lant might originally denote a wcll- drefs'd Coxcomb, who had nothing clfc to do but to make Parade of his Wit and Cloaths, and perhaps of his Valour in Tournament, to gain the general Admi- ration of the Ladies, and the Honour of openly profefhng with Refped and Di- ftance, his Veneration for fome celebra- ted Beauty, or Woman of Merit. But modern Gallantry is quite a different
Bufinefs ;
%6 Reflections
Bufinefs : The Gallant, the fine Gentle- man in Town, far fuperior to him upon the Road and all his Undergraduates, in carrying on his Plot, in the artful Contri- vance of his Defign, and Dexterity in executing it, happily combines the Cun- ning of the Fox, and the Audacity of the Tyger. Cruel indeed ! for he tears the Fame, worries the Vertue, and compleats the Deftrudion of his unhappy Prey. 'Tis well for him that Ghriftianity as yet prevails among us, for this obliges its Votaries to forgive the higheft Injuries : Should the Morality of the honeft Hea- then, which fonie are pleas'd to profels, but not to pradife, beccme the Falhion, or the old Englifh Spirit, which has done and lufFered fo much for Liberty and Property, revive among us, alas ! what would become of the pretty Fel- lows ? Would they not run the Rifque of being taken for Wolves, or Savages, have a Price fet on their Heads, and be exterminated at any rate, that fo among rational Perfons we might be elleem'd a civilized Nation ?
2 These
upon Marriage. xy
These Deftroyers avoided, and bet- ter Care taken than ufual in Womens Education, Marriage might recover the Dignity and Felicity of its original In- ftitutien ; and Men be very happy in a married State, if it be not their own Fault* The great Author of our Be- ing, who does nothing in vain, ordain- ed it as the only honourable Way of continuing our Race ; as a Diftinclion between rcafonable Creatures and meer Animals, into which we degrade our felves, by forfaking the Divine Inftitu- tion. God ordained it for a BleHing, not a Curfe : We are foolilh as well as wicked, when that which was appoint- ed for mutual Comfort and Afliftance, has quite contrary EfFcd through our Folly and Perverfenefs. Marriage there- fore, notwithftanding all the loofe Talk of the Town, the Satires of antient, or modern Pretenders to Wit, will never lofe its juft Efteem from the Wife and Good.
G Though
i8 Reflections
Though much may be faid againli this, or that Match ; though the Ridicu- loufnefs of fome, the Wickednefs of others, and the Imprudence of too many, may provoke our Wonder, or Scorn, our Indignation or Pity j yet Marriage in general is too facred to be treated with Difrelped, too venerable to be the Sub- jeft of Raillery and Buffoonery. None but the Impious will pretend to refine on a Divine Inflitution, or fuppofe there is a better Way for Society and Pofteri- ty. Whoever Icoffs at this, and by odi- ous Reprefentation would polTels the married Pair with a frightful Idea of each other, as if a Wife is nothing better than a Domeftick Devil, an Evil he muft to- lerate for his Conveniency ; and an Hus- band muft of neceflity be a Tyrant or a Dupe ; has ill Defigns on both, and is himfelf a dangerous Enemy to the Pub- lick, as well as to private Families.
But upon what are the Satires againft Marriage grounded ? Not upon the State
it
upon Marriage. Ijf
it felf, if they are juft, but upon the ill Choice, or foolifh Conduct of thole who are in it ? and what has Marriage confi- der'd in it felf to do with thefe ? When the Blame is laid where it ought to be, hot Marriage, but inordinate Paflionj Raftinefs, Humour, Pride, Covetouf- nefs, Inconftancy, unjuft vSulpicions, un*' hecelTary Severity, and, in a Word, a filly, vicious, imprudent Choice^ or Gon» dud, ought to be arraign'd. For why fhould Marriage be exclaimed againft when Men reap the Fruit of their owri Folly ? If they will put an unequal Yoke upon their own Necks, they have their Choice, who can they blame for it^ If inftead of a Help and Comfort, their Courtfhip has procured them a Plague and Difgrace, who may they thank but themfclves : A Man can never be under any fort of Obligation to marry againft his Liking, but through fomc reigning Vice, or want of Fortitude.
Could there be no happy Marriages^ Arguments againft Matrimony might
C i h^^^
20 Reflections
have their Weight with the Reafonablc as well as the Licentious. But fince the Laws of G o D and Man, founded upon Rcafbn and Experience, forbid a Tem- porary Contract, and engage the mar- ried Pair for Life, it is not only pollible, but highly probable, and not without many eminent Inftances, that there are and may be, happy Marriages ; provided we ad reafonably in our Choice and Condud, acquit our felves like wiie Men and Chriftians. So that all we have to fay againft Matrimony, ieems only to Ihew the Levity, or Impiety of our own Minds : It is no more than a Flou- lifh of Wit, and how prettily foever we may talk, it is but little to the Purpofe.
I s it the being tied to One that of- fends us ? Why this ought rather to re- commend it to us, and would really do fo, were we guided by Reafon, and not by Humour or brutifli Paffion. He who does not make Friendfhip the chief Inducement to his Choice, and prefer it before any other Gonfideration, does not
deferve
upon Marriage. 21
deferve a good Wife, and therefore fhould not complain if he goes without one. Now we can never grow weary of our Friends ; the longer we have had them the more they are endear'd to us ^ and if we have One well aflur'd, we need feek no farther, but are fufHciently happy in her. The Love of Variety in this and in other Cafes, fhcvvs only the ill Temper of our own Mind in that- for inftead of being content with a com- petent Share of Good, thankfully and chearfully enjoying what is afforded us, and patiently bearing with the Inconve- niencies that attend it, wc would fct up our Reft here, and exped Felicity where it is not to be found.
The Chriftian Inftitution of Marri- age provides the bcft that may be for Domeftick Quiet and Content, and for the Education of Children ; fo that if we were not under the Tie of Religion, even the Good of Society and civil Duty, would oblige us to what Chrillianity re- q[uires : And fince the very beft of us C 3 arc
%z Reflections
arc but poor frail Creatures, full of Igr norance and Infirmity, fo that in Juftice we ought to tolerate each other, and exr ercife that Patience towards our Compa- nions to Day, which we fliall give them occafion to fhew towards us To-morrow ; the more we are accuflom'd to any one's Converfation, the better fliall we under^ ftand their Humour, be more able to comply with their Weaknefs, and Icfs offended at it. For he who would have every one fubmit to his Humours, and ivill not in his Turn comply with them,, (though we fhould fuppofe him always in the right, whereas a Man of this Tem- per very feldom is fo) is not fit for a Husband, fcarce fit for Society, but ought to be turn'd out of the Herd as an unrcafonablc Creature.
There n;ay indeed be Inconvenien-r cies in a married Life ; but is there any Condition without them ? And he who lives fingle, that he may indulge Licen- poufncfs and give up himfelf tothe Con- duct of wild and. ungovern*d Defires, (or
indeed
upon Marriage. zj
indeed out of any other Inducement, than the Glory of God and the Good of his Soul, through the Profped he has of doing more Good, or becaufc his Frame and Difpofition of Mind are more fit for a fingle than a married Life) may rail as he pleafes againft Matrimony, but can never juftify his own Condud, nor clear it from the Imputation of Wickedncis and Folly.
But if Marriage be fuch a blefled State, how comes it, may you lay, that there arc lb few happy Marriages ? Now in anfwer to this, it is not to be won- der'd that fo few fucceed ; we fhould ra- ther be furpriz'd to find fo many do, con- fidering how imprudently Men engage^ the Motives they ad by, and the very Itrange Conduct ^hey obferve through^ out.
For pray, what do Men propofe to themfelves in Marriage ? What Qualifi- cations do they look after in a Spoufe ? What will Ihc bring ? is the fir ft Enquiry : C 4 How
14
R E FLECTIONS
How many Acres ? Or how much ready- Coin ? Not that this is altogether an un- nccefTary Queftion, for Marriage with- out a Competency, that is, not only a bare Subfiftence, but even a handfome and plentiful provifion, according to the Qiiality and Circumftances of the Parties, is no very comfortable Condition. They who marry for Love, as they call it, find Time enough to repent their rafh Folly, and are not long in being con- vinced, that whatever fine Speeches might be made in the Heat of Paflion, there could be no real Kindmfs between thofe who can agree to make each other miferable. But tho' an Eftate is to be confider'd, it Ihould not be the Maw, much lefs the only Confideration ; for H^ppinefs does not depend on Wealth ; That may be wanting, and too often is, where This abounds. He who marries himfelf to a Fortune only, muftexpedno pther Satisfaction than that can bring him ; \)\\t let him not fay that Marriage, but that his own covetous or prodigal Tem- p^r, has made him unhappy. What Joy
has
upon Marriage. 25
has that Man in all his Plenty, who muft either run from home to poflefs it, con- trary to all the Rules of Juftice, to the Laws of God and Man, nay, even in Oppofition to good Nature and good Breeding too, which fome Men make more Account of than of all the reft ; or elfe be forc'd to fhare it with a Woman whofe Perfon or Temper is difagrccablc, whofe Prefence is fufficient to four all his Enjoyments, fo that if he has any Re- mains of Religion or good Manners, he muft fuffer the Uneafinefs of a continual Watch, to force himfclf to a conftrain'd Civility ?
Few Men have fo much Goodnefs as to bring themfelves to a Liking of what they loath'd, meerly becaufe it is their Duty to like; on the contrary, when they marry with an Indiffercncy, to pleafe their Friends or increafe their For- tune, the Indiffercncy proceeds to an Averfion, and perhaps even the Kind- nefs and Complaifanceof the poorabus'd Wife, ihall only ferve to increafe it.
What
%6 Reflections
What follows then ? There is no Con-* tent at home, fo it is fought elfewhere, and the Fortune fo unjuftly got, is as carelefly fquander'd ; the Man takes a Loofe, what fliould hinder him ? He has all in his Hands, and Cuftom has almoft taken off that fmall Reftraint Reputation us'd to lay. The Wife finds too late what was the Idol the Man adored, which her Vanity, perhaps, or it may be the Commands and Importunities of Relations, would not let her fee before ; and now he has got That into his Poffef- fion, Ihe mull make Court to him for a little forry Alimony out of her owa Eftate. If Difcretion and Piety pre- vail upon her Paffions, fhe fits down quietly contented with her Lot, feeks no Conlblation in the Multitude of Adorers, fince he whom only flie defir'd to pleafe, becaufe it was her Duty to do fo, will take no Delight in her Wit or Beauty ; She follows no Diverfion to allay her Grief, ufes no Cordials to fupport her Spirit, that may fully her Vertue or bring a Cloud uppn her Reputation ; fhe makes,
na
upon Marriage. 17
no Appeals to the mif-judging Croud, hardly mentions her Misfortunes to her moft intimate Acquaintance, nor lays a Load on her Husband to eafc her fclf ; but would, if it were poHiblc, conceal his Crimes, though her Prudence and Vertue give him a thoufand Reproaches without her Intention or Knowledge* and retiring from the World, Ihc feeks a more Iblid Comfort than it can give her, taking Care to do nothing that Cenfbri- oufnefs, or even Malice it felf can mil^ conftrue to her Prejudice. Now ihc puts on all her Referves, and thinks even innocent Liberties fcarce allowable in her difconfolate State ; fhe has other Bur fmefs to mind : Nor docs Ihe in her Re- tirements reflect fb much upon the Hand that adminifters this bitter Cup, as coa- fider what is the beft Ufe fhe can make of it. And thus indeed, Marriage, however unfortunate in other refpcds, becomes a very great Blelling to her. She. might have been expofed to all the Temptations of a plentiful Fortune, have given up her felf to Sloth and
Luxury,
28 Reflections
Luxury, and gone on at the commoH rate, even of the better Sort, in doing no Hurt, and as little Good : But now her kind Husband obliges her to Conji- deKy and gives Opportunity to exercile her Vertue • he makes it neceflary to withdraw from thofe Gaieties and Plea- fures of Life, which do more Mifchief under the Shew of Innocency, than they could if they appeared attended with a Crime, difcompoling and diflblving the Mind, and making it uncapable of any manner of Good, to be fure of any thing Great and Excellent. Silence and Soli- tude, the being forc'd from the ordinary Entertainments of her Station, may per- haps feem a defolate Condition at firft, and we may allow her, poor weak Wo- man ! to be fomewhat fhock'd at it, fince even a wife and courageous Man perhaps would not keep his Ground. We would conceal (if we could) for the Honour of the Sex, Mens being baffled and dispi- rited by a fmaller matter, were not the Inftances too frequent and too notorious.
BVT
upon Marriage^ 29
But a little Time wears off all the Uneafinefs, and puts her in pofleflion of Pleafures, which till now ftie has unkind- ly been kept a Stranger to. Affli<^ion, the fincereft Friend, the frankeft Moni- tor, the beft Inftrudor, and indeed, the only ufeful School that" Women are ever put to, rouzes her Undcrftanding, opens her Eyes, fixes her Attention, and dif- fufes fuch a Light, fuch a Joy into her Mind, as not only Informs her better, but Entertains her more than ever her Ruel did, though crouded by the Men of Wit. She now diftinguilhes between Truth and Appearances, between folid and apparent Good j has found out the Inftability of all earthly Things, and w^on't any more be deceived by relying on them ; can difcern who are the Flat- terers of her Fortune, and who the Ad- mirers and Encouragers of her Vertue ; accounting it no little Blelling to be rid of thofe Leeches, who hung upon her only for their own Advantage. Now fober Thoughts fucceed to Hurry and
Impcr-
REFLECtiONS Impertinence, to Forms and Ceremony; ihe can fecure her Time, and knows how to improve it^ never truly a happy Wc- man till fhe came, in the Eye of the World, to be reckon'd Miferable.
Thus the Husband's Vices maybe- come an Occaiion of the Wife's Vertues^ and his Negled do her a more real Good than his Kindnefs could. But all injured Wives don't behave themfelves after this Fafliion, nor can their Husbands juftly exped it. With what Face can *hc blame her for following his Example,- and being as extravagant on the one Hand, as he is on the other ? Though Ihe cannot juftify her Excelfes to God,- to the World, nor to her Self, yet fure- ly in refpcd of him they may admit of an Excufe. For to all the reft of his Abfurdities, (for Vice is always unrea- fonable) he adds one more, who expeds that Vertue from another which he won'6 pradife himfelf
Bt/f
upon Marriage. 21
But fuppofe a Man does not marry for Money, though for one that does not, perhaps there are thoufands that do ; fuppofe he marries for Love, an Heroick Action, which makes a mighty Noife in the World, partly becaufe of its Rarity, and partly in regard of its Ex- travagancy, what does his marrying for hove amount to ? There's no great Odds between his marrying for the Love of Money, or for the Love of Beauty ; the Man does not ad according to Reafon in either Cafe, but is governed by irre- gular Appetites. But he loves her Wit perhaps, and this, you'll fay, is more Spi- ritual, more Rcfin'd : Not at all, if you examine it to the Bottom. For what is that which now a-days paflcs under the Name of Wit ? A bitter and ill-natur'd Raillery, a pert Repartee, or a confi- dent talking at all • and in fuch a multi- tude of Words, it's Odds if fomething or other does not pafs that is furprizing, though every Thing that furprizes does not pleafe j ibme Things being wonder'd
at
5^ Reflections
at for their Uglinefs, as well as others for their Beauty. True Wit, durft one venture to defcribc it, is quite another Thing ; it confifts in fuch a Sprightlinefs of Imagination, fuch a Reach and Turn of Thought, fo properly exprefs'd, as flrikcs and pleafes a judicious Tafte. For though, as one fays of Beauty, V/i in no FacCy but in the Lover^s Mind^ fb it may be faid of fome forts of Wit, it is not in him that fpeaks, but in the Ima- gination of his Hearer ; yet doubtlefs there is a true Standard-Wit, which muft be allowed for fuch by every one who underftands the Terms. I don't fay that they lliall all equally like it ; and it is this Standard-wit that always pleafes, the Spurious does fo only for a Seafbn.
Now what is it that ftrikes a judici- ous Tafte ? Not that, to be fure, which injures the Abfent, or provokes the Company, which poilbns the Mind un- der Pretence of entertaining it, proceed- ing from, or giving Countenance to falfe Notions, to dangerous and immoral Prin*
ciplcs..
upon Marriage. 3}
ciplcs. Wit indeed is diftinft from Judgment, but it is not contrary to it ; 'tis rather its Handmaid, ferving to awa- ken and fix the Attention, that fo we may judge rightly. Whatever charms, does fo becaufe of its Regularity and Proportion ^ otherwife, though it is Ex- traordinary and out of *the Way, it will only be ftar'd on like a Monfler, but can never be lik'd. And tho' a Thought is ever {o fine and new, ever fo well exprefs'd, if it fuits not with Decorum and good Manners, it is not juft and fit, and therefore offends our Reafon, and confequently has no real Charms, nor would afford us any Entertainment, if our Taftc were not deprav'd.
But it muft not be fuppos'd that Wo- mens Wit approaches thofe Heights which Men arrive at, or that they in- dulge thofe Liberties the other take. Decency lays greater Reitraiats on them, their Timoroufnefs does them this one, and perhaps this only Piece of Service, it keeps them from breaking through D thefe
34 Reflections
thefe Reftraints, and following their Mafters and Guides in many of their daring and mafculinc Crimes. As the World goes, your Witty Men are ufual- ly diftinguifhM by the Liberty they take with Religion, good A'anners, or their Keighbours Reputation : But, G o d be thank'd, it is not yet fo bad, as that Women ihould form Cabals to propa- gate Atheifm and Irreligion *. A Man then cannot hope to find a Woman whofe Wit is of a Size with his, but when he doats on Wit, it is to be ima- gin'd he makes Choice of that which comes the neareft to his own.
Thus, whether it be Wit or Beauty that a Man's in Love with, there are no great Hopes of a ] ailing Happinefs- Beauty, with all the Helps of Art, is of no long Date j the more it is help'd, the iboner it decays ; and he, who only or chiefly chofe for Beauty, will in a little Time find the fame Reafon for £|nother Choice. Nor is that fort of Wit which
* This yvas rcrotc in tin Beginning of the ^refent Century.
he
upon Marriage. 35
he prefers, of a more iure Tenure ; or allowing it to laft, it will not always pleafe. For that which has not a real Excellency and Value in it felf, enter- tains no longer than that giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds j and when we can like on no juft, or on very little Ground, *tis certain a Diilike will arife, as lightly and as unaccountably. And it is not improbable that fuch a Husband may in a little Time, by ill Ufage, provoke fuch a Wife to exercifc her Wit, that is, her Spleen on him, and then it is not hard to guefs how very agreeable it will be to him.
I N a word, when we have reckoned up how many look no further than the making of their Fortune, as they call it • who don't fb much as propofe to them- felves any Satisfadion in the Woman to whom they plight their Faith, feeking only to be Mailers of her Eftatc, that fo they may have Money enough to in- dulge all their irregular Appetites ; who think they are as good as can be cx- D 2 peeled^
j6 Reflections
pected, if they are but, according to the falhionable Term, Civil Husbands ; when we have taken the Number of your gid- dy Lovers, who are not more violent in their Paflion than they are certain to repent of it ; when to thefe you have added fuch as marry without any Thought at all, further than that it is the Cuftom of the World, what others have done before them, that the Family mull be kept up, the antient Race pre- fer v'd, and therefore their kind Parents and Guardians choofe as they think con- venient, without ever confulting the Young one's Inclinations, who muft be fatisiied, or pretend fo at leaft, upon I*ainof their Difpleafure, and that heavy Confequence of it. Forfeiture of their Eftate : Thefe fet afide, I fear there will be but a fmall Remainder to marry out of better Confiderations ; and even amongft the Few that do, not one in a Hundred takes Care to deferve his Choice.
But do the Women never choofe amifs ? Are the Men only in Fault ?
That
up07j Marriage. ^7
That is not "pretended ; for he who w ill bejuftj muft be forc'd to acknowledge, that neither Sex are always in the right. A Woman, indeed, can't properly be faid to Choofe ; all that is allowed her, is to Refufe or Accept wh;U is ofFer'd. And when we have made fiich rcalbn- able Allowances as arc due to the Sex, perhaps they may not appear lb much in Fault as one would at firft imagine, and a generous Spirit will find more Oc- cafion to Pity, than to Reprove. But
lure I tranrgrcfs it muft not be Ihp-
posM that the Ladies can do aniifs ! He is but an ill-bred Fellow who pretends that they need Amendment I They arc, no doubt on't, always in the right, and moft of all when they take Pity on di- ftrcffed Lovers ! Whatever ihQyfey car- ries an Authority that no Reafon can refift, and all that they do mud needs be Exemplary ! This is the Modifh Lan- guage, nor is there a Man of Honour amongft the whole Tribe, that would not venture his Life, nay, and his Sal- vation too, \n their Defence, if any but I) 3 himfelf
3? Reflections
himfelf attempts to injure them. But I muft ask Pardon if I can't come up to thefe Heights, nor flatter them with the having no Faults, which is only a ma- licious Way of continuing and increa- fing their Miftakes.
Women, it's true, ought to be treat- ed with Civility ; for fince a little Cere- mony and out-fide Refped is all their Guard, all the Privilege that's • allow'd them, it were barbarous to deprive them of it ; and becaufe I would treat them civilly, I would not orprcfs my Civility at the ufual rate. I would not, under Pretence of Honouring and paying a mighty Deference to the Ladies, call them Fools, or what's worfe, to their Faces ; For what are all the fine Speeches and Submiflions that are made, but an abufing them in a well-bred Way ? She raufl: be a Fool with a Witnefs, who can believe a Man, Proud and Vain as he is, will lay his boafted Authority, the Dig- nity and Prerogative of his Sex, one Moment at her Fcety but in Prolpcd of
taking
upon Marriage. 39
taking it up again to more Advantage ; he may call himfelf her Slave a fevv Days, but it is only in order to make' her his all the reft ol" his Life.
Indeed that miftaken Self-Love that reigns in the moft of us, both Men and Women, that over-good Opinion we have of ourfelves, and Dcfire that others ihould have of us, makes us fwallow every Thing that looks like Refpcd, without examining how wide it is from what it appears to be. For nothing is in Truth a greater Outrage than Flattery and fcign'd Submiilions ; the phin E>/g ///?:? of which is this, " I have a very mean " Opinion both of your Undcrftanding ^' and Vcrtue • you are Weak enough to " be impos'd on, and Vain enough to " fnatch at the Bait I throw ; there's no " Danger of your finding out myMean- " ing, or difappointing me of my Ends. " I offer you Incenfe^ 'tis true, but you *' are like to pay for't, and to make me " a Rccompcnce for your Folly, in inia- " gining I would give my felf this Trou- D 4 " ble,
40 Refbections
" ble, did I not hope, nay, were I not " fure, to find my own Account in it. " If for nothing elfe, you'll ferve at " leaft as an Exercife of my Wit ; and '- how much foever you fwell with " my Breath, *tis I dcferve the Praife for " talking fo well on fo poor a Subject, " We, who make the Idols, are the " greater Deities ; and as we fet you up, " fo it is in our Power to reduce you to " your firft Obfcurity, or to fomewhat " worfc, to Contempt ; you arc there- '' fore only on your good Behaviour, " and are like to be no more than what *'"' we pleafe to make you. '* This is the Flatterer's Language afide, this is the true Senfe of his Heart, whatever his Grimace may be before the Company.
A N D if this be the true Meaning of honourable Courtlhip, what is meant by that Jargon, that Profufion of JLove and Admiration which palTcs fof Gallantry, when either of the parties are married ? Is it not the utmoft Scurrihty, in that it fuppofes fhe is, or that he hopes to
make
upon Marriage. 41
make her, what good Manners forbids to name ? And fince he makes fo free with the Lady's Honour, can Ihe afford him a civiller Anfwer, than what her Foot- man may dehver with a Crab-tree? But
I corred my felf, this might be the
Air of a haughty Roman Prude ; our BrlttJJj Beauties are far more Gentle and Well-bred. And he who has the fame Defigns upon other Mens Relations, is fometimes fo civil as to bear with the Outrages offcr'd to his own.
*t>^
Not but that 'tis pofTible, and fome- times Matter of Fad, to exprefs our felves beyond the Truth in Praife of a Perfon, and yet not be guilty of Flat- tery; but then we muft Think what we Say, and Mean what we Profefs. We may be fo blinded by fonie Paflion or other, efpecially Love, which in Ci- vil and Good-natur'd Perfons is apt to exceed, as to believe fome Perfons more defcrving than really they are, and to pay them greater Rcfpcct and Kindnefs than is in Striclnefs due to them. But this is not the prefent Cafe ; for our line
Speech-
Reflections Speech-makers doat too much on them- felves to have any great Paflion for another. Their Eyes are commonly too much fix'd on their own Excellencies, to view another's good Qualities through a Magnifying-Glafs ; at lea ft if ever they turn that End of tbe Perfpedive towards their Neighbours, 'tis only in Refped and Reference to themfelves. They are their own Centres, they find a Difpro- portion in every Line that does not tend thither, and in the next Vifit they make, you fhall hear all the fine Things they had faid, repeated to the new Object, and nothing remembred of the former but her Vanity, orlbmething elfe as ri- diculous, which lerves for a Foil, or a Whet to Difcourfe. For let there be ever fo many Wits in the Company, Converfation would languiih, and they would be at a Lofs, did not a little Cen- forioufnefs come in at a Need to help them.
Let us then treat the Ladies as ci- villy as may be, but let us not do it by
Flatter-
iip07i Marriage. 4^
Flattering them, but by endeavouring to make them fuch as may truly delerve our hearty Efteem and Kindnels. Men ought really for their own Sakes, to do what in them lies to make Women Wile and Good, and then it might be hoped they themfelves woirid efFcclually Study and Pradice that Wifdom and Vertue . they recommend to others. But fb long as Men, even the bcft of them, who do not outrage the Women they pretend to adore, have bafe and unworthy Ends to ferve, it is not to be expeded that they fhould confent to fuch Methods as would certainly difippoint them. They would have their own Relations do well • it is their Intereft : but it fometimes happens to be for their Turn that another Man's fliould not, and then their Generofity fails them, and no Man is apter to find Fault with another's difhonourable Ani- ons, than he who is ready to do, or per- haps has done the fime\himfelf.
And as Men have little Reafon to ex- pect Happiiicfs when they marry only
for
44 Reflections
for the Love of Money, Wit, or Beauty, as has been aheady ftiewn, fo much lefs can a Woman expect a tolerable Life, when fhe goes upon thefe Confiderati- ons. Let the Bufinefs be carried as prudently as it can be on the Woman's Side, a reafonable Man can't deny that ftie has by much the harder Bargain : J becaibfe fhe puts her felf intirely into her Husband's Power, and if the Matrimo- nial Yoke be grievous, neither Law nor Cuftom afford her that Redrefs which a Man obtains. He who has Sovereign Power does not value the Provocations of a Rebellious Subjed ; he knows how to fubdue him with Eafe, and will make himfelf obeyed : But Patience and Sub- miffion are the only Comforts that are left to a poor People, who groan under Tyranny, unlefs they are Strong enough to break the Yoke, to Depofe and Ab- dicate, which, 1 doubt, would not be allow'd of here. For whatever may be filid againfl PafTivc-Obedience in another Cafe, I fuppofe there's no Man but likes k very well in this j how much foever
Arbi-
upon Marriage. 45-
Arbitrary Power may be diflik'd on a Throne, not Miitou, nor £, H — , nor any of the Advocates of Refiftance, would cry up Liberty to poor Female Slaves^ or plead for the Lawfulnefs of Refining a private Tyranny.
I F there be a Difagreeablcnefs of Hu- mours, this, in my Mind, is harder to be born than greater Faults, as being a continual Plague, and for the moft Part incurable. Other Vices a Man may grow weary of, or may be convinced of the Evil of them, he may forfake them, or they him, but his Humour and Temper are feldom, if ever, put off. Ill-nature flicks to him from his Youth to his grey Hairs, and a Boy that's Humorous and Proud, makes a Peevifh, Pofitive, and Infolent Old Man. Now if this be the Cafe, and the Husband be full of Him- felf, obftinately bent on his own Way, with or without Realbn, if he be one who mull be always Admired, always Humour'd, and yet fcarce knows what will pleafe him ; if he has Profperity
enough
4<^ Reflections
enough to keep him from confidering, and to farniHi him with a Train of Flat- ^ terers and obfequious Admirers; and Learning and Senfe enough to make him a Fop in Perfedion ; for a Man can never be a compleat Coxcomb, unlefs he has a confiderable Share of thefe to value himfelf upon •' What can the poor Woman do ? The Husband is too Wife to be Advis'd, too Good to be Reformed, Jhe muft follow all his Paces, and tread in all his unreafbnable Steps, or there is no Peace, no Qiiiet for her j fhe muft Obey with the greatcft Exaclnefs, 'tis in vain to expect any manner of Compli- ance on his Side, and the more Ihe com- plies the more fhe may ; his fantaftical Humours grow with her Defire to gratify them^ for Age increafes Opinionatry in fome, as well as it does Experience ii> others. Of fuch foit of Folks as thefe it was that So/omcii/ fpake, when he faid, Seejl thou a Man wife jn his own Conceit^ there is more hope of a Fool than of him \ That is, the profligate Sinner, fuch a one being always a Fool in Solomon's
Lan-
upon Marriage. ^7
Language, is in a fairer Way of being convinc'd of his Folly, and brought to Reafon, than the Proud, Conceited Man. . That Man, indeed, can never be good at Heart, who is full of Himfelf and his own Endowments : Not that it is necef^ fary, becaufe it is not poffible (human- ly fpeaking) for one to be totally igno- rant of his own good Qualities, I had almoft faid, he ought to have a modeft Senfe of *em, othcrwife he can't be duly thankful, nor make the Ufe of them that is required, to the Glory of God, and the Good of Mankind ; but he views them in a wrong Light, if he difcerns any Thing that may exalt him above his Neighbours, make him over-look their Merit, or treat them with Negled or Contempt. He ought to behold them with Fear and Trembling, as Talents which he has freely receiv'd, and for which he is highly Accountable, and therefore they fhould not excite his Pride, but his Care and Induftry.
And
Reflections
And if Pride and Self-conceit keep a Man who has fome good Qualities, and is not fo bad as the moft of his Neigh- bours, frpm growing better, it for cer- tain confirms and hardens the Wicked in his Crimes, it fets him up for a Wit, that is, according to modern Accepta- tion, one who rallies all that is ferious, a Contemner of the Priefts firft, and then of the Deity Himfelf. For Penitence and Self-condemnation are what his Haughtinefs cannot bear, and lince his Crimes have brought upon him the Re- proaches of his own Mind, fince he will not take the regular Way to be rid of them, which is, by Humbling himfelf, and making his Peace with Heaven, he bids Defiance to it, and wou'd, if he could, believe there is no future State, no After-retribution, becaule he has too juft Reafon to fear it.
If therefore it be a Woman's hard Fate to meet with a difagreeable Tem- per, and of all others, the Haughty,
Impe-
tipon Marriage. 45^
Imperious, and Self-conceited are the moft fo, ihe is as unhappy as any Thing in this World can make her. For when a Wife's Temper does not pleafe, if fhe makes her Husband uneafy, he can find Entertainments Abroad ; he has a hun- dred Ways of relieving himfelf; but neither Prudence nor Duty will allow a Woman to fly out : her BufincTs and En- tertainment are at home ; and tho' he makes it ever i^o uneafy to her, fhe muft be content, and make her beft on't. She who eleds a Monarch for Life, who gives him an Authority, fhe cannot re- call, however he mifapply it, who puts her Fortune and Perfbn entirely in his Power, nay, even the very Defires of her Heart, according to fomc learned Ca- fuifts, lb as that it is not lawful to Will or Defire any Thing but what he ap- proves and allows, had need be very fure that fhe does not make a Fool her Head, nor a Vicious Man her Guide and Pat- tern ; file had beft ftay till Ihe can meet with one who has the Government of his own Palfions, and has duly regulated his
E own
5^
Reflections
own Defires, fince he is to have luch an abfolute Power over hers. But he who doats on a Face, he who makes Money his Idol, he who is charm'd with vain and empty Wit, gives no fuch Evi- dence, either of Wifdom or Goodnefs, that a Woman of any tolerable Senfe lhou*d care to venture her felf to his Condud.
Indeed, your fine Gentleman's Ani- ons are now a-days fuch, that did not Cuftom and the Dignity of his Sex give Weight and Authority to them, a Wo- man that thinks twice might blefs her felf, and fay. Is this the Lord and Ma- iler to whom I am to promife Love, Honour and Obedience ? W^hat can be the Objed of Love but amiable Quali- ties, the Image of the Deity imprefs'd upon a generous and godUke Mind, a Mind that is above this World, to be fure above all the Vices, the Tricks and Bafenefs of it ; a Mind that is not full of it felf, nor contraded to little private Interefts, but which, in Imitation of
that
upon Marriage. . j I
that glorious Pattern it endeavours to copy after, expands and difFufes it felf to its utmoft Capacity in doing Good. But this fine Gentleman is quite of ano- ther Strain, he is the Reverfe of this in every Inftance. He is, I confcfs, very fond of his own Dear Perfon, he fees very much in it to admire j his Air and Mien, his Words and Actions, every Motion he makes, declare it • but they muft have a Judgment of his Size, every whit as fhallow, and a Partiality as great as his own, who can be of his Mind. How then can I Love ? And if not Love, much lefs Honour. Love may arife from Pity, or a generous Defire to make that Lovely which as yet is not fo, when we fee any hopes of Succefs in our En- deavours of improving it ; but Honour fuppofcs fome excellent Qiialiti<^s al- ready, fbmething worth ourEfteem; but, alas ! there is nothing more contempti- ble than this Trifle of a Man, this meer Out-fidc, whofe Mind is as bale and mean as his external Pomp is glittering. His Office or Title apart, to which fome E 1 cere-
5^ Reflections
ceremonious Obfervancc muft be paid for Order's fake, there's nothing in him that can command our Refped. Strip him of Equipage and Fortune, and fuch Things as only dazle our Eyes and Ima- ginations, but don't in any meafure af- fed our Reafon, or caufe a Reverence in our Hearts, and the poor Creature finks beneath our Notice, becaufe not fupported by real Worth. And if a Woman can neither Love nor Honour, fhe does ill in promifing to Obey, fince fhe is like to have a crooked Rule to re- gulate her Adions.
A M E E R Obedience, fuch as is paid only to Authority, and not out of Love and a Senfe of the Juftice and Reafon- ablcnefs of the Command, will be of an uncertain Tenure. As it can't but be â– uneafy to the Perfon who pays it, ib he who receives it will be fometimes difap- pointed when he expeds to find it : For that Woman muft be endow'd with a Wifdom and Goodnefs much above what we fuppofe the Sex capable of, I fear
much
jipon Marriage. 53
much greater than any Man can pretend to, who can ^o conftantly conquer her Pallions, and divert her felf even of In- nocent Self-love, as to give up the Caufe when Ihe is in the Right, and to fubmit her inlightned Rcafon, to the imperious Dictates of *a blind Will, and wild Imagination, even when llie clearly perceives the ill Conlequences of it, the Imprudence, nay. Folly and Madnefs of fuch a Condud.
And if a Woman runs fuch a Rifque when fhe marries prudently, according to the Opinion of the World, that is, when fhe permits her fclf to be difpos'd of to a Man equal to her in Birth, Edu- cation and Fortune, and as good as the moft of his Neighbours, (for if none were to marry, but Men of ftricl Vertue and Honour, I doubt the World would be but thinly Peopled) if at the verybeft her Lot is hard, what can fhe expect who is Sold, or any otherwife betray'd into mercenary Hands, to one who is in all, or moft refpects, unequal to her ? E 3 A
54 Reflections
A Lover who comes upon what is call*d equal Terms, makes no very advanta- geous Propofal to the Lady he courts, and to whom he feems to be an humble Servant. For under many founding CompHments, Words that have nothing in them, this is his true Meaning- He wants one to manage his Family, an Houfe-keeper, one whofe Intereft it will be not to wrong him, and in whom therefore he can put greater Confidence than in any he can hire for Money. One who may breed his Children, taking all the Care and Trouble of their Educa- tion, to preferve his Name and Family. One whofe Beauty, Wit, or good Hu- mour and agreeable Converfation, will entertain him at Home when he has been contradided and difappointed Abroad ; who will do him that Juflice the ill-na- tur'd World denies him ; that is, in any one's Language but his own, footh his Pride and flatter his Vanity, by having always fo much good Senfe as to be on his Side, to conclude him in the Right, when others arc fo ignorant, or fo rude
3
as
I
upon Marriage. 55
as to deny it. Who will not be blind to his Merit nor contradict his Will and Plealure, but make it her Bufinefs, her very Ambition to content him ; whofe Softnels and gentle Compliance will calm his Pailions, to whom he may fafely dil^ clofe his troublefome Thoughts, and in her Breaft dilcharge his Cares • whole Duty, .Subniillion and Oblervance, will heal thofc Wounds other Peoples Oppo- fition or Negled have given him. In a word, one whom he can intirely Govern, and confequently may form her to his Will and Liking, who muft be his for Life, and therefore cannot quit his Ser- vice, let him treat her how he will.
And if this be what every Man ex- pects, the Sum of his violent Love and Courtfliip, w hen it is put into Senfe, and rendred Intelligible, to what a line pals does flic bring her felf who purchafes a Lord and Mailer, not only with her Money, but with what is of greater Value, at the Price of her Difcretion! W ho has not fo much as that poor Ex- K 4 cufc,
6 Reflections
cufe, Precedent and Example ; or if flie has, they are only fuch as all the World condemns? She will not find him lefs a Governor becaufe ihe was once his Su- perior, on the contrary, the Scum of the People are moft Tyrannical when they get the Power, and treat their Betters with the greateft Infolence. For, as the wife Man long fince obferv'd, A Servant when he Reigns, is one of thofe Things for which the Earth is difquieted, and which no body is able to bear.
I T is the hardcft Thing in the World for a Woman to know that a Man is not Mercenary, that he does not act on bafe and ungenerous Principles, even when he is her Equal, becaufe being abfolute Ma- iler, fhe and all the Grants he makes her are in his Power, and there have been but too many Inftances of Husbands, that by wheedling, or threatning their Wives, by feeming Kindncfs, or cruel Ufagc, have perfuaded, or forc'd them out of what has been fettled on them, So that the Woman has in Truth no Se- curity
tipon M A R R I A. G E. 57
curity but the Man's Honour and Good- nature, a Security that in this prefent Age no wife Perfon would venture much upon. A Man enters into Articles very readily before Marriage, and fo he may, for he performs no more of them after- wards than he thinks fit. A Wife muft never difpute with her Husband ; his Reafons are now, no doubt on't, better than hers, whatever they were before • he is fure to pcrfuade her out of her Agreement, and bring her, it muft be fuppos'd, frU/ingfyy to give up what Ihe did vainly hope to obtain, and what Ihe thought had been made fure to her. And if fhe fhews any Refradorinels, there are Ways enough to humble her ; fo that by Right or Wrong the Husband gains his Will. For Covenants between Husband and Wife, like Laws in an Ar- bitrary Government, are of little Force, the Will of the Sovereign is All in All. Thus it is in Matter of Fad, I will not anfwer for the Right of it j for if the Woman's Reafons, upon which thofe Agreements are grounded, are not juft
and
5 8 Reflections
and good, why did he confent to them ? Was it becaufe there was no other Way to obtain his Suit, and with an Intention to annul them when it fhall be in his Power ? Where then is his Sincerity ? But if her Reafons are good, where is his Juftice in obliging her to quit them ? He neither way ads like an equitable or honell Man.
But when a Woman marries unequal- ly and beneath her felf, there is almoft Demonftration that the Man is fordid and unfair • that inftead of loving her he only loves himfelf, trapans and ruins her to ferve his own Ends. For if he had not a mighty Opinion of himfelf, (which Temper is like to make an ad- mirable Husband) he would never ima- gine that his Perfon and good Qualities could make Compenfation for all the Ad- vantages fhe quits on his Account. If he had a real Efteem for her, or valued her Reputation, he would not expole it, nor have her Difcretion call'd in Que- ftion for his fake j and if he truly lov'd
her,
upon Marriage. 59
her, he would not reduce her to Straits and a narrow Fortune, nor fo much as lef- fen her way of Living to better his own. For fince God has placed different Ranks m the World, put fome in a higher, and fome in a lower Station, for Order and Beauty's fake, and for many good Reafons ; though it is both our Wifdom and Duty not only to fubmit wicji Pa- tience, but to be thankful and well-fa- tisiied, when by his Providence we are brought low, yet there is no manner of Reafon for us to degrade our fclvcs j on the contrary, much why we ought not. The better our Lot is in this World, and the more we have of it, the greater is our Leifure to prepare for the next j we have the more Opportunity to exer- cife that God-like Qiiality, to tafte that Divine Pleafure, doing Good to the Bo- dies and Souls of thole beneath us. Is it not then ill Manners to Heaven, and an irreligious Contempt of its Favours, for a Woman to flight that nobler Employ- ment, to which it has ailign'd her, and thruft her fclf down to a meaner Drud-
Co Reflections
gery, to what is in the 'very literal Senfe a caring for the Things of the World, a caring not only to Plcafe, but to Main- tain a Husband ?
And a Husband fo chofen will not at all abate of his Authority and Right to Govern, whatever fair Promifes he might make before. She has made him her Head, and he thinks himfelf as well qualified as the Beft to ad accordingly, nor has fhe given him any fuch Evidence of her Prudence as may difpofe him to make an Ad of Grace in her Favour. Beiides, great Obligations are what Su- periors cannot bear, they are more than can be returned; to acknowledge were only to reproach themfelves with Ingra- titude, and therefore the readicft Way is, not to own, but overlook them, or rather, as too many do, to repay them with Atfronts and Injuries.
What. then is to be done ? How mull a Man choofe, and what Qualities muft incline a Woman to accept, that fo our
married
upon Marriage. ^i
married Couple may be as happy as that State can make them ? This is no hard Queftion; let the Soul be principally confider'd, and Regard had in the firft place to a good Underftanding, a ver- tuous Mind; and in all other refpcds let there be as much Equality as may be. If they are good Chriftians and of fuitable Tempers all will be well; but I fhould be ihrewdly tempted to fulped their Chriftianity who marry after any of thofe Ways we have been fpeaking of. I dare venture to fay, that they don't ad according to the Precepts of the Gofpel, they neither Ihew the Wif- dom of the Serpent, nor the Innocency of the Dove; they have neither fo much Government of themfelves, nor fo much i Charity for their Neighbours ; they neither take fuch Care not to fcandalize others, nor to avoid Temptations them- felves, are neither fo much above this World, nor fo alfcclcd \«ith the next, as they would certainly be, did theChri- ftian Religion operate in their Hearts, did they rightly underftand, andfincerely
pradife
6i Reflections
praflife it, or adcd i^ideed according to the Spirit of the Gofpel.
But it is not enough to enter wifely into this State, Care muft be taken of our Conduct afterwards. A Woman will not want being admonilh'd of her Duty ; the Cuftom of the World, Oeco- nomy, every Thing almoft reminds her of it. Governors do not often fuffer their Subjects to forget Obedience through their want of demanding it ; perhaps Husbands are but too forward on this Occafion, and claim their Right oftner and more imperioufly than either Dis- cretion or good Manners will juftify, and might have both a more chearful and conftant Obedience paid them if they were not fo rigorous in exading it. For there is a mutual Stipulation, and Love, Honour, and Worlhip, by which certainly Civility and Refped at leaft are meant, are as much the Woman's Due, as Love, Honour and Obedience are the Man's. And being the Woman is faid to be the weaker Veflel, the Man
ftiould
' upon Marriage. (,->
fiiould be more careful not to grieve or offend her. Since her Rcafon is fuppos'd to be lels, and her Paffions ftronger than his, he fhould not give Occafion to call that Suppofition in Qiieftion by his pet- tifh Carriage and needlefs Provocations. Since he is the Maif^ by which very word Cuftom would have us underftand not only greateft Strength of Body, but even greateft Firmnefs and Force of Mind, he Ihould not play the little Ma^ fler fo much as to exped to be cocker'd, nor run over to that Side which the Wo- man us'd to be rank'd in ; for, accord- ing to the Wifdom of the Italians^ Will you? Is J poke n to Jtck Folks.
Indeed Subjection, according to the common Notion of it, is not over eafy ; none of us, whether Men or Women, but have fo good an Opinion of our own Conduct, as to believe we are fit, if not to direct others, at leaft to govern our lelves. Nothing but a found Under- ftanding, and Grace, the beft Improver of Natural Reafon, can corred this Opi- nion,
(5^ Reflections
nion, truly humble us, and heartily re- concile us to Obedience. This bitter Cup therefore ought to be fweetned as much as may be ; for Authority may be preferv'd and Government kept invio- lable, without that naufeous Oftentation of Power, which ferves to no End or Purpofe, but to blow up the Pride and Vanity of thofe who have it, and to ex- afperate the Spirits of fuch as muft truc- kle under it.
Insolence is never the EfFed of Power but in weak and cowardly Spi- rits, who wanting true Merit and Judg- ment to fupport themfelves in that Ad- vantageous Ground on which they ftand, are ever appealing to their Authority, and making; a Shew of it to maintain their Vanity and Pride. A truly great Mind, and fuch as is fit to Govern, tho' it may ftand on its Right with its Equals, and modeftly exped what is due to it even from its Superiors, yet it never con- tends with its Inferiors, nor makes uie of its Superiority but to do them Good.
So
upon Marriage. 6^
So that confidering the juft Dignity of Man, his great Wifdom {o confpicuous on all Occafions ! the Goodnefs of hi3 Temper, and Realbnablenefs of all his Commands, which make it a Woman's Intereft as well as Duty to be obfervant and obedient in all Things ; that his Pre- rogative is fettled by an undoubted Right and the Prefcription of many Ages ; it cannot be fuppos'd, that he fhould make frequent and inlblent Claims of an Au- thority fo well eftablifh'd and us'd with fuch Moderation, nor give an impartial By-ftander (could fuch an one be found) any Occafion from thence to fufped that he is inwardly confcious of the Badnels of his Title \ Ufurpers being always moft defirous of Recognitions, and bufy in impofing Oaths, whereas a Lawful Prince contents himfelf with the ufual Methods and Securities.
And fince Power does naturally pufF
up, and he who finds himfelf exalted,
feldom fails to think he ought to be ib^
it is more fuitable to a Man's Wifdom
F and
66 Reflections
and Generofity, to be mindful of his great Obligations, than to infift on his Rights and Prerogatives. Sweetnefs of Temper and an obliging Carriage are fo jiiftly due to a Wife, that a Husband who muft not be thought to want cither Underftanding to l^now what is fit, nor Goodnefs to perform it, can't be fup- pos'd not to fhew them. For fetting afide the Hazard of her Perfonto keep up his Name and Family, with all the Pains and Trouble that attend it, which may well be thought great enough to deferve all the Relped and Kindnefs that may be 5 fetting this afide, though 'tis very confiderable, a Woman has ib much the Difadvantage in moff^ I was about to fay, in all Things, that fhe makes a Man the greateft Compliment in the World when fhe condefcends to take him for Better for Worfe. She puts her felf in- tirely in his Power, leaves all that is dear to her, her Friends and Family, to efpoufe his Interefts and follow his For- tune, and makes it herBufinefsand Duty to pleafe him ! W^hat Acknowledgments,
what
upon Marriage. 67
what Returns can he make ? What Gra- titude can be fufficient for fuch Obliga- tions? She ftiews her good Opinion of him by the great Truil: Ihc repoles in him, and what a Brute muft he be who betrays that Truft, or ads any way un- worthy of it ? Ingratitude is one of the bafeft Vices, and if a Man's Soul is funk fo low as to be guilty of it towards her who has {b gcneroufly oblig'd him, and who fo intirely depends on him, if he can treat her difrefpedfully, who has fo fully tellified her Efteem of him, Ihe muft have a Stock of \ ertue which he fhould blufh to difcern, if fhe can pay him that Obedience of which he is fo Unworthy.
Superiors indeed are too apt to for- get the common Privileges of iMankind ; that their Inferiors Ihare with them the greateft Benefits, and are as capable as themfelves of enjoying the fupremeGood; that though the Order of the World re- quires an Outward Refped and Obedi- ence from fome to others, yet the iMind F 2 is
68 Reflections
is free, nothing but Reafon can oblige it, 'tis out of the Reach of the moft ab- folute Tyrant. Nor will it ever be well either with thofe who Rule or thofe in Subjedion, even from the Throne to every private Family, till thofe in Au- thority look on themfelves as plac'd in that Station for the Good and Improve- ment of their Subjeds, and not for their own Sakes ; not as the Reward of their Merit, or that they may profecute their own Defires and fulfil all their Pleafure, but as the Reprefentatives of God, whom they ought to imitate in the Juftice and Equity of their Laws, in doing Good and communicating Bleilings to all be- neath them : By which, and not by fol- lowing the imperious Didates of their own Will, they become truly Great and Illuftrious, and worthily fill their Place, And the Governed for their Part, ceafing to envy the Pomp and Name of Autho- rity, fhould refpecl their Governors as placed in G o d's ftead, and contribute what they can to eafe them of their real Cares, by a chearful and ready Com- pliance,
upon Marriage. 69
pliance, with their good Endeavours, and by affording them the Pleafure of Succefs in fuch noble and generous De- figns.
For, upon a due Eftimate, Things arc pretty equally divided ; thofe in Sub- jedion, as they have a lefs Glorious, fb they have an eafier Task and a lefs Ac- count to give ; Whereas he who Com- mands, has in a great meafure the Faults of others to anfwer for as well as his own. 'Tis true, he has the Pleafure of doing more Good than a private- Peribn can, and fhall receive the Reward of it when Time fhall be no more, in Compenfation for the Hazards he runs, the Difficulties he at prefent encounters, and the large Account he is to make hereafter. Which Pleafure and Reward are highly defira- ble, and mofl worthy our Purfuit • but they are Motives which fuch as Ufurp on their Governors, and make them un- eafy in the due Difcharge of their Duty, never propofe. As for thofe other little Things that move their Envy and Am- F 3 bition,
^o Reflections
bition, they are of no Efteeni with a juft Confiderer, nor will fuch as violently purfue, find their Account in them.
But how can a Man refpe^t his Wife when he has a contemptible Opinion of her and her Sex ? When from his own Elevation he looks down on them as void of Underftanding, full of Igno- rance and Paflion, fo that Folly and a W^oman are equivalent Terms with him? Can he think there is any Gratitude due to her whofe utmoft Services he exacts as ftrid Duty ? Becaufe ftie was made to be a Slave to his Will, and has no higher End than to Serve and Obey him ? Perhaps we arrogate too much to our felves, when we fay this Material World was made for our Sakes : That its Glorious Maker has given us the Ufe of it is certain ^ but when we fuppofe any Thing to be made purely for our Sakes, becaufe we have Dominion over it, we draw a falfe Conclufion. As he who Ihould fay the People were made for the Prince who is fet over them,
would
Zip07t Marriage. 71
would be thought to be out of his Sen- fes as well as his Politicks. Yet even allowing that God, who made every Thing in Number, Weight and Mea- fure, who never ads but for fome great and glorious End, an End agreeable to His Majefty ; allowing that He created fucha Number of Rational Spirits mere- ly to ferve their Fellow Creatures, yet how are thele Lords and Mafters help'd by the Contempt they fhew of their poor humble VafFals ? Is it not rather an Hin- drance to that Service they expect, as being an undeniable and conftant Proof how unworthy they are to receive it ?
None of God*s Creatures, ablblutely confider'd, are in their own Nature con- temptible y the meaneft Fly, the pooreft Infecl has its Ufe and Yertue. Contempt is fcarce a Human Paflion, one may ven- ture to fay it was not in innocent Man, for till Sin came into the World, there was nothing in it to be contemned. But Pride, which makes every Thing fcrve its Purpofes, wrefted this Paffion from F 4 hs
72 Reflections
its only Ufc, fo that inftead of being aii Antidote againft Sin, it is become a grand Promoter of it, nothing making us more worthy of that Contempt we ftiew, than when, poor, weak, dependent Crea- tures as we are !' we look down with Scorn and Difdain on others.
There is not afurerSign of a noble Mind, a Mind very far advanced to- wards Perfection, than the being able to bear Contempt and an unjuft Treatment from one's Superiors evenly and patient- ly. For inward Worth and real Excel- lency are the true Ground of Superiori- ty, and one Perfon is not in reality bet- ter than another, but as he is more Wife and Good. But this World being a Place of Trial, and governed by gene- ral Laws, juft Retributions being re- ferv'd for hereafter, Refped and Obe- dience many times become due for Or- der's fake, to thofe who don't otherwife deferve them. Now tho' Humility keeps us from over-valuing our felves or view- ing our Merit through a falfe and m^ag-
nifyin«
upon Marriage. 7j
nifying Mediim^ yet it does not put out our Eyes, it does not, it ought not to deprive us of that plcafing Sentiment which attends our Ading as wc ought to Ad:, which is, as it were, a Forctafteof Heaven, our prelent Reward for doing what is juft and iit. ' And when a Su- perior does a mean and unjuft thing, as all Contempt of one's Neighbour is, and yet this does not provoke his Inferiors to refufc that Obfervance which their Stations in the World require, they cannot but have an inward Senfe of their own real Superiority, the other having no Pretence to it, at the fame Time that they pay him an outward Refped and Deference, which is fuch a flagrant Te- ftimony of the fincereft Love of Order, as proves their Souls to be of the highcft and nobleft Rank.
A Man therefore for his own fake, and to give Evidence that he has a Right to thofe Prerogatives he affumes, Ihould treat Women with a little more Huma- nity and Regard than is ufually paid
them.
f4 Reflections
them. Your whifling Wits may fcofFat them, and what then? It matters not, for they rally every Thing though ever fo facred, and rail at the Women com- monly in very good Company. Reli- gion, its Priefts, and thofe its moft con- ftant and regular Profeflbrs, are the ufual Subjects of their manly, mannerly and furprizing Jefts. Surprizing indeed ! not for the Newnefs of the Thought, the Brightnefs of the Fancy, or Noblenefs of Expreflion, but for the good Affurance with which fuch Thread-bare Jefts are again and again repeated. But that your grave Dons, your learned Men, and, which is more, your Men of Senfe, as they would be thought, Ihould ftoop fo low as to make Invectives againft the Women, forget themfelves fo much as to jeft with their Slaves, who have nei- ther Liberty, nor Ingenuity to make Reprizals ^ that they Ihould wafte their Time, and debafe their good Senle, which fits them for the moft weighty Affairs, fuch as are fuitable to their pro- found Wifdom and exalted Underftand-
ingsl
upon Marriage. f5
Jng5 ! to render thofe poor Wretches, more ridiculous and odious who are al- ready in their Opinion fufficiently con-, temptible, and find no better Exercife of their Wit and Satire, than fuch as are not worth their Pains, though it were poiTible to Reform them, this, this in-, deed may juftiy be wondrcd at !
I Know not whether or no Women are allow'd to have Souls ; if they have, perhaps it is not prudent to provoke them too much, left, filly as they are, they at laft recriminate, and then what polite ^nd well-bred Gentleman, though him- felf is conccrn'd, can forbear taking that lawful Pleafure, which all who under- ftand Raillery muft taftc, when they find his Jefts who infolently began to peck at his Neighbour, rcturn'd with Intereft upon his own Head ? And in- deed Men are too Humane, too Wife, to venture at i^, did they not hope for this EfFcd, and expect the Pleafure of finding their Wit turn to fuch Account : For if it be lawful to pry into a Secret,
this
yd Reflections
this is, without doubt, the whole Dc- figa of thofe fine Difcourfes which have been made againft the Women from our great Fore-Fathers to this prefent Time \ Generous Man has too much Bravery, he is too Juil and too Good to affault a de- fencelefs Enemy, and if he d d inveigh againft the Women, it was only to do them Service ! For fince neither his Care of their Education, his hearty Endea- vours to improve their Minds, his whole- fome Precepts, nor great Example could do them good, as his laft and kindeft Ef- fay, he refolv'd to try what Contempt would do, and chofe rather to expofe himfelf by a feeming Want of Juftice, Equity, Ingenuity and Good-nature, than fufFer Women to remain fuch vain and infignificant Creatures as they have hitherto been reckoned ; and truly, Wo- men are fome Degrees beneath what I have thus far thought them, if they do not make the beft Ufe of his Kindnefs, improve themfelves, and, like Chriftians, return it.
Let
upon Marriage. 27
Let us fee then what is their Part, what miift they do to make the Matri- monial Yoke tolerable to themfelves as well as pleafing to their Lords and Ma- ilers ? That the World is an empty and deceitfiil Thing, that 'thole Enjoyments which appear'd fo defirable at a Diftance, which rais'd our Hopes and Expectations to fiich a mighty Pitch, which we lb paffionately coveted, and fo eagerly pur- fued, vanifh at our lirft Approach, leav- ing nothing behind them but the Folly of Delufion, and the Pain of difappoint- ed Hopes, is a common Outcry ^ and yet, as common as it is, though we com- plain of being deceived this Inftant, we do not fail of contributing to the Cheat the very next. Though in reality it is not the World that abufes us, 'tis we abufe our felves; it is not the Emptinels of That, but our own falfe Judgments, our unreafonable Defires and Expeda- tions that torment us ; for he who ex- erts his whole Strength to lift a Straw, ought not to complain of the Burden,
but
^8 Reflections
but of his own difproportionate Endea- vour which gives him the Pain he feels. The World affords us all the Pleafurc a found Judgment can cxpeft from it, and anfwers all thofe Ends and Purpofes for which it was defign'd ; let us exped no more than is reafonable, and then we Ihall not fail of our ExpedationSi
I T is even fo in the Cafe befbi^e us • a Woman who has been taught to think Marriage her only Preferment, the Sum- Total of her Endeavours, the Comple- tion of all her Hopes, that which muft fettle and make her Happy in this World, and very few, in their Youth efpecially, carry a Thought fteadily to a greater Diftance s, She who has feen a Lover dying at her Feet, and can't therefore imagine that he who profelTes to receive all his Happinefs from her, can have any other Defign or Defire than to pleaie her ^ whofe Eyes have been dazled with all the Glitter and Pomp of a Wedding, and, who hears of nothing but Joy and Congratulation j t who
tipon Marriage. 7p
who is tranfported with the Pleafure of being out of Pupillage, and Miftrefs not only of her felf, but of a Family too : She who is either fo fimple or fo vain> as to take her Lover at his Word, either as to the Praifes he gave her, or the Promifes he made for himfelf ; in fum, fhe whofe Expe<i:\ation has been rais'd by Courtlhip, by all the fine Things that her Lover, her Governels and Domeftick Flatterers fay, will find a terrible Dis- appointment when the Hurry is over, and when Ihe comes calmly to confider her Condition, and views it no more under a falfc Appearance, but as it truly is.
I Doubt in fuch a View it will not appear over- defirable, if file regards on- ly the prcfent State of Things. Here- after may make amends for what fhe muft be prepared to fufFer here, then will be her Reward, this is her Time of Trial, the Sealbn of exercifing and im- proving her Vertues. A Woman that is not Miltrefs of her Paflions, that can- not
8o Reflections
not patiently fubmit, even whenRealbn fuffers with her, who does not pradifc Paflive Obedience to the utmofl-, will never be acceptable to fuch an abfolute Sovereign as a Husband. Wifdom ought to Govern without Contradiction, but Strength however will be obeyed. There are but few of thofe wife Perfbns who can be content to be made yet wifer by Gontradidion • the moft will have their Will, and it is right becaufe it is theirs. Such is the Vanity of Human Nature, that nothing pleafes like an intire Sub- je<flion ; what Imperfedions won't a Man over-look where this is not wanting ! Though we live like Brutes, wc would have Incenfe ofFer'd us, that is only due to Heaven it felf, would have an abfo- lute and blind Obedience paid us by all over whom we pretend Authority. We were not made to Idolize one another, yet the whole Strain of Courtftiip is little jefs than rank Idolatry : But does a Man intend to give, and not to receive his Share in this Religious Worftiip? No fuch matter ^ Pride and Vanity, and
Self-
upon Marriage* Self-love have their Dcfigns, and if the Lover is fo condefcending as to fet a Pattern in the Time of hi j AddrefTcs, he is lb juft as to expert his Wife Ihould ftridly Copy after it all the reft of her JLifc.
But how can a Woman fcriiple in- tire Subjcdion, how can fhe forbear to admire the Worth and Excellency of the Superior Sex, if fhe at all confidcrs it ! Have not all the great Actions that have been perform'd in the World been done by Men ? Have not they founded Em- pires and over-turn'd them ? Do not they make Laws and continually repeal and amend them ? Their vaft Minds lay Kingdoms wafte, no Bounds or Mea- fures can be prefcrib'd to their Defires* W'^ar and Peace depend on them ; they form Cabals and have the Wifdom and Courage to get over all the Rubs, the petty Reftraints which Honour and Con- fcience may lay in the Way of their de- fired Grandeur. What is it they cannot do ? They make Worlds and ruin them^ G form
%i Reflections
form Syftems of univerfal Nature, and difpute eternally about them ; their Pen gives Worth to the moft trifling Contro- verfy ^ nor can a Fray be inconfi(^erable if they have drawn their Swords in*t. All that the wife Man pronounces is an Oracle, and every Word the Witty fpeaks, a Jeft. It is a Woman's Happi- neis to hear, admire and praife them, efpecially if a little Ill-nature keeps them at any time from beftovving due Ap- plaufes on each other! And if fhe af- pires no further, fhe is thought to be in her proper Sphere of Action; fhe is as wife and as good as can be expeded from her !
She then who Marries, ought to lay it down for an indifputable Maxim, that her Husband muft govern abfolutely and intirely, and that flie has nothing clfe to do but to Pleafe and Obey. She muft not attempt to divide his Authori- ty, or fo much as difpute it ; to ftrugglc with her Yoke will only make it gall the more, but muft believe him Wife
and
iipon Marriage. 82
and Good, and in all refpeds the befl:, at leaft he muft be fo to her. She who can't do this is no way fit to be a Wife, ihe may ^Qt up for that peculiar Coro- net the antient Fathers talk'd of, but is not qualified to receive that great Re- ward which attends - the eminent Exer- cife of Humility and Self-denial, Pa- tience and Refignation, the Duties that a Wife is caird to.
But fbme refradory Woman perhaps will fay, how can this be ? Is it poflible for her to believe him Wife and Good, who by a thoufand Dcmonftrations con- vinces her, and all the World, of the con- trary ? Did the bare Name of Husband confer Senfe on a Man, and the meer being in Authority infallibly quahfy him for Government, much might be done. But fince a wife Man and a Hut- band are not Terms convertible, and how loth foever one is to own it, Mat- ter of Fact won't allow us to deny, that the Head many times Hands in need of the Inferior's Brains to manage it, ihe G a muft
84 Reflections
muft beg leave to be excus'd from fuch high Thoughts of her Sovereign, and if fhe fubmits to his Power, it is not fb much Reafon as Ncceflity that compels her.
Now of how little Force foever this Objection may be in other refpeds, me- thinks it is ftrong enough to prove the Neceflity of a good Education, and that Men never miftake their true Intereft more than when they endeavour to keep Women in Ignorance. Could they in- deed deprive them of their Natural good Senfe at the fame Time they deny them the true Improvement of it, they . might compafs their End ; otherwile Natural Senfe unaffifted may run into a falfe Track, and ferve only to punifh him juftly, who would not allow it to be ufefal to himfelf or others- If Man's Authority be juftly eftablifh'd, the more Senfe a Woman has, the more Reafon ihe will find to fubmit to it ; if accord- ing to the Tradition of our Fathers, (who having had 'T^ojfejjion of the Pen^
thought
upon Marriage. 85
thought they had alfo the beft Right to it) Womens Underftanding is but fmall, and Man's Partiality adds no Weight to the Obfervation, ought not the more Care to be taken to improve them ? How it agrees with the Juftice of Men we inquire not, but certainly Heaven is abundantly more Equitable than to in- join Women the hardeft Task, and give them the leaft Strength to perform it. And if Men, learned, wife and difcreet as they are, who have, as is faid, all the Advantages of Nature, and without Con- troverfy, have, or may have, all the Af^ fiftance of Art, are fo faJ: from acquit- ting themfelves as they ought, from liv- ing according to that Realbn and excel- lent Underftanding they fo much boaft of, can it be expeded that a Woman who is reckon'd filly enough in her lelf, at leaft comparatively, and whom Men take care to make yet more {b ; can it be expected that fhc Ihould conftantly per- form fo difficult a Duty as intire Sub- jedion, to which corrupt Nature is fo jiverfe ?
G 3 If
86 Reflections
I F the great and wife Cato^ a Mmi^ a Man of no ordinary Firmnefs and Strength of Mind, a Man who was efteem'd as an Oracle, and by the Philofophers and great Men of his Nation equal'd even to the Gods themfclvcs ; If he, with all his Stoical Principles, was not able to bear the Sight of a triumphant Conqueror (who perhaps would have inlulted, and perhaps would not) but out of a Coward- ly Fear of an Infult, ran to Death, to fe- pure him from it ; can it be thought that an ignorant weak Woman Ihould have Patience to bear a continual Outrage and Infolence all the Days of her Life ? Unlpfs you will fuppofe her a very Afs^ but then remember what the Italians fay, to quote them once more, fince being very Husbands they may be prefum'd to have fome Authority in this Cafe, An Jffsy though Jlowy lf^rovok*d, will kifk.
W E never obferve, or perhaps make Sport, with the ill Effects of a bad Edu- cation, till it comes to touch us home in
th^
upon Marriage. 87
the ill Con Uift of a Sifter, a Daughter, or Wife. Then the Women muft be blam'd, their f^olly is exclaini'd againft, when all this while it was the wife Man's Fault, who did not fet a better Guard on thole, who, according to him, ftand in io much need of one. A young Gen- tleman, as a celebrated Author tells us, ought above all Things to be acquaint- ed with the State of the World, the Ways and Humours, the Follies, the Cheats, the Faults of the Age he is fallen into ; he fhould by degrees be inform'd of the Vice in Fafhion, and warn'd of the Application and Defign of thofe who will make it their Bufinefs to corrupt him, fhould be told the Arts they ufe, and the Trains they lay, be prepar'd to be Shock'd by fome, and Carefs'd by others; warn'd who are like to oppofe, who to miflead, who to undermine, and who to ferve him. He fliould be in- ftructed how to know and diftinguifh them, where he fhould let them fee, and when dilTemble the Knowledge of them and their Aims and Workings. Our G 4 Author
88 Reflections
Author is much in the right, and not to difparage any other Accomplifhments which are uleful in their Kind, this will turn to more Account than any Lan- guage or Philoibphy, Art or Science, or any other Piece of Good-breeding and fine Education that .can be taught him, which are no otherwife excellent than as they contribute to this, as this does above all Things to the making him a vyife, a vertuous and ufeful Man.
And it is not lefs necefTary that a young Lady Jhould receive the like In- ftrudions, whether or no her Tempta- tions be fewer, her Reputation and Ho- nour however are to be more nicely preferv'd ; they may be ruin*d by a lit- tle Ignorarce or Indifcretion, and then though fhe has kept her Innocence, and {b is fecur'd as to the next World, ye^ fhe is in a great meafure loft to this. A Woman cannot be too watchful, too ap- prehenfive of her Danger, nor keep at too great a Diftance from it, fince Man, v/hofeWifdom and Ingenuity is fo much
Superior
upon Marriage. 8p
Superior to hers i condefcends for his Intereft fometimes,- and fometimes by way of Divcrfion, to lay Snares for her. For though all Men are Firtiwjiy Philo- fophers and Politicians, in coniparlfbn of tlje ignorant and illiterate Women, yet they don't all pretend to be Saints, an4 'tis no great Matter to them, if Women, who were born to be their Slaves, be now and then ruin'd for tiieir Enter-* tairuncnt.
But according to the rate that young WcMiien are Educated, according to the Way their Time is fpent, they are de- ftin'd to Folly and Impertinence, to fay- no worfe, and, which is yet more inhu- man, they are blam'd for that ill Con«- dud they are not fuffer'd to avoid, and reproach'd for thofe Faults they are in a Manner forc'd into; lb that if Heaven has bellowed any Senfe on them, no other Ufe is made of it, than to leave them without Excufe. So much, and no more, of the World is Ihewn them, than ferves to weaken ^nd corrupt their
Minds,
^o Reflections
Minds, to give them wrong Notions and bufy them in mean Purfuits ; to di- fturb, not to regulate their Paffions; to make them timorous and dependant, and, in a Word, fit for nothing elfe but to ad a Farce for the Diverfion of their Governors.
Even Men themfelvcs improve no otherwifc than according to the Aim they take, and the End they propofe ; and he whofe Defigns are but little and mean, will be the fame himfclf. Tho' Ambition, as 'tis ufually underftood, is a foolifh, not to fay a bafe and pitiful Vice, yet the Afpirings of the Soul after true Glory are fo much its Nature, that it feems to have forgot it felf, and to degenerate, if it can forbear j and per- haps the great Secret of Education lies in affeding the Soul with a lively Senfc of what is truly its Perfedion, and ex- citing the moft ardent Defires after it.
But, alas ! what poor Woman is ever taught that fhe ftiould have a higher De-
fign
upon Marriage. gi
fign than to get her a Husband ? Heaven will fall in of courfe ; and if Ihe makes but an Obedient and Dutiful Wife, Ihe cannot mifs of it. A Husband indeed is thought by both Sexes fo very valuable, that Icarce a Man .who can keep him- felf clean and make a Bow, but thinks he is good enough to pretend to any Woman ; no matter for the Difference of Birth or Fortune, a Husband is fuch a Wonder-working Name as to make an Equality, or fomething more, whenever it is obtain'd.
And indeed, were there no other Proof of Mafculine Wifdom, and what a much greater Portion of Ingenuity falls to the Men than to the Women's Share, the Addrefs, the Artifice, and Manage- ment of an humble Servant were a fuffi- cient Demonflration. What good Con- du£t does he fliew ! what Patience exer- cife ! what Subtilty leave untry'd ! what Concealment of his Faults ! what Parade of his Vertues ! what Government of hjs Pallions ! How deep is his Policy in lay- ing
ji Reflections
ing his Defigns at fo greata Diftance, and working: them up by fuch little Ac- cidents .' How indefatigable is his Indu- ftry, and how conftant his Watchfulnefs not to flip any Opportunity that may in the leaft contribute to his Defign ! What a handfome Set of Difguiies and Pretences is he always furnifh'd with ! How con- cealed ''does he lie ! how little pretend, till he is fure that his Plot will take! And at the fame Time that he nourifhes the Hope of being Lord and Mafter, ap- pears with all the Modefty and Submif- Hon of an humble and unpretending Ad- mirer !
Can a Woman then be too much up- on her Guard ? Can her Prudence and Forefighr, her early Caution, be reckoned unneceffary Sufpicion, or ill-bred Referve by any but thofe whole Defigns they prevent, and whofe Intereft it is to de- claim againft them ? It being a certain Maxim with the Men, though Policy or good Breeding won't allow them to ayow it always, that the Women were
made
npon M A R R I A G £. J)l
made for their Sakes and Service, and are in all refpeds their Inferiors, efpe- cialiy in Underftanding ^ lb that all the Compliments they make, all the Addrefs and Complaifancc they ufe, all the Kind- nefs they profefs, all the Service they pretend to pay, has no other Meaning, no other End, than to get the poor Wo- man into their Power, to govern her ac- cording to their Difcretion. This is all pure Kindnefs indeed, and therefore no Woman has Reafon to be offended with it y for, confidcring how much fhe is expos'd in her own, and how fafe in their Keeping, 'tis the wifefl Thing ftie can do to put her felf under Frotedlion ! And then if they have a tolerable Opi- nion of her Senfe, and not their Vanity, but fbme better Principle difpofes them to do fomething out of the Way, and to appear more generous than the reft of their Sex, they'll condeicend to dictate to her, and impart fome of their Prero- gative, Books and Learning, 'Tis fit indeed, that fhe fliould intirely depend on their Choice, and walk with the
Crutches
5^4 Reflections
Crutches they are pleas'd to lend her j and if fhe is furnifhed out with Ibme Notions to fet her a prating, I fhould have faid, to make her entertaining, and the Fiddle of the Company, her Tutor's Time was not ill bellowed : And it were a diverting Scene to fee herftript, like the Jay^ of her borrowed Feathers, but he, good Man, has not ill Nature enough to take Pleafure in it ! You may accufc him, perhaps, for giving fo much En- couragement to a Woman's Vanity, but your Accufation is groundlefs, Vanity being a Difeale the Sex will always be guilty of; nor is it a Reproach to them, fince Men of Learning and Senle are over-run with it.
But there are few Women whofe Underftandings are worth the Manage- ment, their Eftates are much more ca- pable of Improvement. No Woman^ much lefs a Woman of Fortune, is ever fit to be her own Miftrefs, and he who has not the Vanity to think what much finer Things he could perform, had he
the
upon Marriage. 95
the Management of her Fortune ; or fo much Partiality and Self-love, as to fanfy it can't be better beftovv'd than in making his ; will yet be fo honeft and humble, as to think that 'tis fit Ihe fhould take his Afiiftance, as Steward at leaft. For the good Man afpires no further, he would only take the Trouble of her Af^ fairs off her Hand ; and the Senfe of her Condefcenfion and his great Obligations, will for ever fecure him againft ading like a Lord and Maftcr.
The Steps to Folly, as well as Sin, arc gradual, and almoft imperceptible, and when we arc once on the Decline, we go down without taking Notice on't ; were it not for this, one could not account for thofe Itrange unequal Marriages we too often fee. For there was a Time, no doubt, when a Woman could not have bore the very Thought of what fhe has been afterwards betray'd into • it would have appear'd as fhocking to her, as it always does to other People j and had a Man been fo impolitick as to difcover
the
p6 Reflections
the leaft Intimation of luch a Defign, he had given her a fufficient Antidote againft it. This your wife Men are well fatisfied of, and underftand their own Intereft too well to let their DcGgn go bare-fac'd, for that would effedually put a Bar to their Succefs. So innocent arc they, that they had not the leaft Thought at firft of what their good Fortune after- wards leads them to ! They would draw upon him, (if they wear a Sword) or fly in her Face who fhould let fall the leaft Hint that they had fuch Intentions ; and this very Eagernefs to avoid the Sufpicion, is a ftirewd Sign that there is Occafion for*t.
But who ftiall dare to ftiew the Lady her Danger, when will it be feafonable to give her friendly Notice ? If you do it ere ftie is refolv'd, though with all the Friendfiiip and Tendernefs imagi- nable, ftie will hardly forgive the Af- front, or bear the Provocation; you offer her an Outrage by entertaining fuch a Thought, and 'tis ten to one if you
are
upon Marriage* 97
jire not afterwards accusM for putting in her Head what otherwife flie could ne'er have dreamt of. And when no direct Proof can be ofFer'd, when matter of Prudence is the only Thing in Queftion, every Body has fo good an Opinion of their own Undcrftanding, as to think their own Way the bell. And when fhe has her Innocence and fair Intentions to oppole your Fears and Surmifes, and you cannot pretend to wifh her better than fhe does her felf, to be more dil^ interefted and diligent in your Watch-t fulnefs, or to fee farther in what fo near- ly concerns her, what can be done ? Her Ruin is commonly too far advanced to be prevented, ere you can in Good- breeding reach out a Hand to help her* For if the Train has took, if fhe is in- tanglcd in the Snare, if Love, or rather a blind unreafonable Fondnels, which ufurps the Name of that noble Paillonj has gain'd on her, Rcafon and Perlua- fion may as properly be urg'd to the Folks in Bethlem^ as to her. Tell her of this World, fhe is got above it, and
H has
9^ Reflections
has no Regard to its impertinent Gen- ii ires ; tell her of the next, flie laughs at you, and will never be convinc'd that Aclions which are not exprelly forbid can be Criminal, though they proceed from, and muft necefTarily be reduc'd to ill Principles, though they give Of- fence, are of ill Example, injure our Reputation, which, next to our Inno- cence, we are obliged, as Chriftians, tOi take the greateft Care of; and, in a Word, do more Mifchief than we can readily imagine. Tell her of her own Good, you appear yet more ridiculous> for who can judge of her Happinefs but her felf? And whilft our Hearts arc violently fct upon any thing, there is no convincing us that we fhall ever be of another Mind. Our Paffions want no Advocates, they are always furnifh'd with plaufible Pretences, and thofe very Prejudices, which gave rife to this un- leafonable Paffion, will for certain give her Obftinacy enough to juftify and con- tinue in it. Befides, Ibme are fo ill ad- vis'd as to think to fupport one Indif-
cretion
^
upon Marriage* ^^
cretion with another ; they would not have it thought they have made a falfe Step, in once giving Countenance to that which is not fit to be continued. Or perhaps the Lady might be willing enough to throw off the Intruder at firft, but wanted Courage to get above the Fear of his Calumnies, and the longer file fuffers him to buz about her, fhe will find ft the harder to get rid of his Im- portunities. By all which it appears, that fhe who really intends to be fecure, muft keep at the greateft Diftance from Danger, fhe muft not grant the lea/i In- dulgence, where fuch ill Ufes will be made of it.
And fince the Cafe is fo. That Wo- man can never be in Safety who allows a Man Opportunity to betray her. Fre- quent Converfation does for certain pro- duce either Averfion or Liking, and when 'tis once come to Liking, it de- pends on the Man's Generofity not to improve it farther, and where can one find an Liftance that this is any Security ? H 1 There
loo Reflections
There are very many indeed which fhew it is none. How fenfible foever a Woman may appear of another's Indif- cretion, if Ihe will tread in the fame Steps, though but for a little Way, ftie gives us no Affurance that fhe will not fall into the fame Folly ; fhe may per- haps intend very well, but fhe puts it paft her Power to fulfil her good Inten- tions. Even thofe who have forfeited their Difcretion, the moft valuable Jewel next to their Vertue, and without which Vertue it felf is but very weak and faint, 'tis like, were once as well refolv'd as file j they had the very fame Thoughts, they made the fame Apologies, and their Refentment would have been every whit as great againft thofe who could have imagined they Ihould fo far forget them- felves.
It were endlefs to reckon up the di- vers Stratagems Men ufe to catch their Prey, their difTerent Ways of infinuating, which vary with Circumftances, and the Lady's Temper, but how unfairly, how
bafely
upon Marriage. i oi
bafely foever they proceed, when the Prey is once caught, it paflcs for lawful Prize, and other Men having the fame Hopes and Projeds, fee nothing to find Fault with, but that it was not their own good Fortune. They may exclaim againft it perhaps in a Lady's Hearing, but it is only to keep themfelves from being fufpeded, and to give the better Colour to their own Defigns. Some- times a Woman is cajol'd, and fometimcs hedor'd, fhe is fcduc'd to love a Man, or aw'd into a Fear of him : He defends her Honour againft another, or affumes the Power of blafting it himfelf; was willing to pais for one of no Confe- quence till he could make himfelf con- fiderable at her Coft. He might be ad- mitted at firft to be her Jejij but he carries on the Humour iJo far till he makes her his ^ he will either entertain or fcrve her as Occafion offers, and ibme Way or other gets himfelf intrufted with her Fortune, her Fame, or her Soul. Allow him but a frequent and free Gon- vcrlation, and there's no manner of Qiie- H 3 ftion
loi Reflections
ilion but that his Ingenuity and Appli- cation, will, at one Time or other, get the Afcendant over her.
And generally the more humble and undefigning a Man appears, the more improbable it looks that he fhould dare to pretend, the greater Caution ftiould be us*d againft him. A bold Addrefs and good Aflurance may fbmetimcs, but does not always, take. To a Woman of Senfe an artificial Modefty and Humility is a thoufand times more dangerous, for he only draws back to receive the more Encouragement, and flie regards not what Advances fhe makes towards him, who feems to underftand himfelf and the World fo well as to be incapable of ma- king an ill Ufe of them. Would it not be unreafonable, and a Piece of Ill- breeding, to be fhy of him who has no Pretenfions, or only fuch as are Juft and Modeft ? What Hurt in a Vifit ? Or what if yifits grow a little more frequent ? The Man has fb much Difcernment, as to relifh her Wit and Humour^ and can
ihe
upon Marriage. 103
(he do lefs than be Partial to him who is fo Jiift to her ? He ftrives to pleafe and to render himfelf agreeable, or ne- ceflary, perhaps, and whoever will make it his Bufmefs, may find Ways enough to do it. For they know but little of Human Nature, they never confulted their own Hearts, who are not fenfible what Advances a well-manag'd Flattery makes, efpecially fromaPerfon ofwhoie Wit and Senie one has a good Opinion. His Wit at firft recommends his Flat- teries, and thefe, in Requital, fet off his Wit ; and fhe who has been us'd to this high-feafon'd Diet, will fcarce ever relilh another Converfation.
H A v I K G got thus far, to be fure he is not wanting to his good Fortune, but drives on to an Intimacy, or what they are pleas'd, now a-days, though very unjuftly, to call a Friendfhip ; all is fafe under this facred Charader, which fets them above little Aims and mean Dc- figns. A Characler that mult be con- duded with the niceft Honour, allows H 4 the
I ©4 Reflections
the greatcft Trufts, leads to the higheft Improvements, is attended with the pureft Pleafures and moft rational Satisfadlion* And what if the malicious World, en- vious of his Happinefs, fhould take Of- fence at it, fince he has taken all due Precautions, fuch unjiift and ill-natur'd Cenfures are not to be regarded ; for his Part the Diftance that is between them checks all afpiring Defires, but her Con- verfation is what he muft not, cannot want : Life is infipid, and not to be en- dur'd without itj and he is too much the Lady's Friend, has too juft a Value for her, to entertain a Thought to her Difadvantage.
Now if once it is come to this, God help the poor Woman ! for not much Service can be done her by any of her Friends on Earth. That Pretender, to be fure, will be the Darling, he will worm out every other Perfon, though ever fo kind and dilinterefted. For tho' true Friends will endeavour to pleafe in prdpr to ferve, their Gomplaifance never ? goes
) -'
upon Marriage. loy
goes fb far as to prove injurious ; the beloved Fault is what they chiefly ftrike at, and this the Flatterer always fooths \ fo that at laft he becomes the moft ac- ceptable Company, and they who are confcious of their own Integrity, are not apt to bear fuch an unjuft Diftindion, nor is it by this Time to any Purpofe to remonftrate the Danger of fuch an In- timacy. When a Man, and for certain much more when a Woman, is fallen in- to this Toil, that is, when either have been lb unwary and indifcreet as to let another find out by what Artifices he may manage their Self-love, and draw it over to his Party, 'tis too late for any- one who is really their Friend, to break the Snare and difabufe them.
Neither Sex cares to deny them- felves that which pleafes, efpecially when they think they may innocently indulge it ; and nothing pleafes more than the being Admir'd and Humour'd. We may be told of the Danger, and (hewn the Fall of others, but though
their
\o6 Reflections
their Misfortunes arc ever fo often of fo lively reprefented to us, we are all fo well aflur'd of our own good Condud, as to believe it will bring us fafe off thofe Rocks on which others have been Shipwrecked. We fuppofe it in our Power to fhorten the Line of our Li- berty whenever we think fit, not con- fidering that the farther we run, we fhall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to judge when a Retreat is necef- fary. A Woman does not know that ihe is more than half loft when fhe ad- mits of thefe Suggeftions ; that thofe Ar- guments ftie brings for continuing a Man's Converfation, prove only that Ihe ought to have quitted it fooner^ that Liking infenfibly converts to Love, and that when Ihe admits a Man to be her Friend, 'tis his Fault if he does not make ^limfelf her Husband.
And if Men, even the Modefteftand the Beft, are only in purfuit of their own Defigns, when they pretend to do the Lady Service • if the Honour they
\v0ui4
I
upon Marriage, lo;^
would feem to do her, tends only to lead her into an imprudent, and therefore a diftionourable A(^ion ; and they have all that good Opinion of themfelves as to take every thing for Encouragement, Co that fhc who goes beyond a bare Ci- vility, though fhe meant no more than Refped, will find it interpreted a Favour, and made ill Ufe of, (for Favours, how innocent foever, never turn to a Lady's Advantage) what Shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an In- timacy with a Man, whofc Principles are known to be Loofe, and his Pradices Licentious ? can fhe exped to be fafe with him who has ruin'd others, and by the very fame Methods he takes with her ? If an Intimacy with a Man of a fair Characler gives Offence, with a Man of an ill one, 'tis doubly and trebly fcandalous. And luppofe neither her Fortune nor Beauty can tempt him, he has his ill-natur'd Pleafure in deftroying that Vertue he will not pradife, or if that can't be done, in blafting the Re- putation of it at leaft, and in making
the
to8 Reflections
the World believe he has made a Con- queft, though he has found a Foil.
If the Man be the Woman's Inferior, bcfides all the Dangers formerly men- tioned, and thofejuft now taken Notice of, fhe gives fuch a Countenance to his Vices, as renders her in great meafure. Partaker in them ; and, it can fcarce be thought in fuch Circumftances, a Wo- man could like the Man if Ihe were not reconciled to his Faults. Is he her Equal, and no unfuitable Match, if his Defigns are fair, why don't they Marry, fince they are fo well pleased with each other's Converfation, which in this State only can be frequently and fafely al- low'd ? Is he her Better, and fhe hopes, by catching him, to make her Fortune, alas ! the poor Woman is neither ac- quainted with the World nor her felf ; fhe neither knows her own Weaknefs, nor his Treachery, and though he gives her ever fo much Encouragement to this vain Hope, 'tis only in order to ac-p coraplifh her Ruin. To be fure the
mo^e
upon Marriage. 109
more Freedom flie allows, the more ftie leflens his Efteem, and that*s not likely to increafe a real, though it may a pre- tended Kindnefs ; Ihe ought to fly, if file would have him purfue, the ftrideft Vertue and Referye being the only Way to fecure him.
Religion and Reputation are fo fure a Guard, fuch a Security to poor dcfencelefs Woman, that whenever a Man has ill Defigns on her, he is fure to make a Breach into one or both of thefe, by endeavouring either to corrupt her Principles, to make her Icfs ftrid in De- votion, or to leffen her Value of a fair Reputation, and would perfuade her, that lefs than fhe imagines will fecure her as to the next World, and that not much Regard is to be given to the Cen- fures of this. Or if this be too bold at firfl, and will not pafs with her, he has another Way to make even her Love to Vertue contribute to its Ruin, by per- fuading her it never fhines as it ought, unlefs it is expos'd, and that fhe has no
Reafon
iio Reflections
Reafbn to boaft of her Vertue unlefs flie has try*d it. An Opinion of the worft Gonfequence that may be, and the moft mifchievous to a Woman, becaufe it is calculated to feed her Vanity, and tends indeed to her utter Ruin. For, can it be fit to rufh into ' Temptations, when' we are taught every Day to pray againft them ? If the Trials of our Vertue render it illuftrious, 'tis fuch Trials as Heaven is pleased to fend us, not thofe of our own feeking. It holds true of both Sexes, that next to the Divine Grace a modeft Diftruft of thcmfelves is their beft Security, none being fo often and lb fhamcfully foil'd, as thofe who de- pend moft on their own Strength and Refolution.
A s to the Opinion of the World, tho* one cannot fay 'tis always juft, yet ge- nerally it has a Foundation, great Re- gard is to be paid to it, and very good Ufe to be made of it. Others may be in Fault for pafling their Cenfures, but we certainly are fo, if we give them any the
Icaft
J
>w
upon Marriage: i i i
leaft juft Occafion. And fince Reputa- tion is not only one of the Rewards of Vertue, that which always ought, and generally does attend it, but alfb a Guard againft Evil, an Inducement to Good, and a great Inllrument in the Hand of the Wife to promote the common Caufc of Vertue ^ the being Prodigal of the one, looks as if we fet no great Value on the other, and fhe who abandons her good Name, is not like to preferve her Innocence.
A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Senfe of Honour, provided file does not prefer it before her Duty ; file can never be too careful to fecure her Charader, not only from the Sulpi- cion of a Crime, but even from the Shadow of an Indifcretion. 'Tis well worth her while to renounce the moft Entertaining, and, what fome perhaps, will call the moft Improving Company, rather than give the World a juft Occa- fion of Sufpicion or Cenfure. For be- fides the Injury that is done Religion, 2 which
i 1 i Reflections
which enjoins us to avoid the very Ap* pearance of Evil, and to do nothing but what is of good Report, flie puts her felf too much in a Man's Power, who will run fuch a Rifque for his Converfa- tion, and expreffes fuch a Value for him, as cannot fail of being made ufe of to do her a Mifchief.
Preserve your Diftance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you would be fafe, be fure to be always on the Referve, not fuch as is Morofe and AfFeded, but Modeft and Difcreet, your Caution cannot be too great, nor your Forefight reach too far ; there's nothing, or what is next to nothing, a little A- mufement and entertaining Converfation, loft by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man underftands his own Merit too well to lofe his Time in a Woman's Companyj were it not to di- vert himfelf at her Coft, to turn her in- to a Jcft, or fomething worfe. And where-ever you fee great Afliduities, when a Man infinuates into the Diverfions and
Humours
tipon Marriage. 1 1 j
Humours of the Lady, liking and ad- miring whatever ihe does, though at the fame Time he feems to keep a due Di- ftance, or rather exceeds in the pro- foundeft Refped ; Rcfpe6l being all he dare at prefent pretend to : when a more than ordinary Deference is paid ; when fbmething particular appears in the Look and Addrefs, and fuch an Obfequioul^ nefs in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be obfcrv'd in his Turn : Then, whatever the Inequality be, and how fenfible fo- ever he feems to be of it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be fprung on the firft Oppor- tunity, and 'tis well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Lady's Ruin,
To wind up this Matter; If a Wo- man were duly principled, and taught to know the World, efpecially the true Sentiments that Men have of her, and the Traps they lay for her under i^Q -many gilded Compliments, and fuch % I feemingly
»u
Reflections
feemingly great Refped, that Difgracc would be prevented which is brought upon too many Families; Women would Marry more difciectly , and demean themfelves better in a married State, than fomc People fay they do. The Foun- dation, indeed, ought to be laid deep and ftrong, fhc fhould be made a good Chriftian, and underftand why Ihe is fo, and then Ihe will be every thing elfe that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a Woman's Conduct, need have no Fear of her Vertue, or fo much as of her Prudence and Caution, were but a due Senfe of true Honour and Vertue awa- ken'd in her; were her Reafon excited and prepared to confider the Sophiftry of thofe Temptations which would per- fuade her from her Duty ; and were ihe put in a way to know that it is both her Wifdom and Intereft to obferve it : fhe would then duly examine and weigh all the Circumftances, the Good and Evil of a married State, and not be furprized with unforefeen Inconveniencies, and •cither never confent to be a Wife, or
mkicc
upon A1!arriage. iiy
inake a good one when fhe does. This would fhcw her what Human Nature /Vj as well as what it ought to be, and teach her not only what fhe may juftly expect, but what fhe muft be content with ; would enable her to cure fbme Faults, and patiently to illfFer what fhe cannot cure.
Indeed nothing can alTure Obedi- ence, and render it what it ought to be, but the Confcience of Duty, the paying it for God's fake. Superiors don't right- ly underftand their own Intereft when they attempt to put out their Subjeds Eyes to keep them Obedient. A blind Obedience is what a Rational Creature fhould never pay, nor would fuch an one receive it, did he rightly underftand its Nature. For Human Adions are no otherwife valuable, than as they are con*. formable to Reafon ; but a blind Obe- dience is an Obeying without Reafon^ for ought wc know, againji it. God himfelf does not require our Obedience at this rate ; he lays before us the Good- J. a iiefs
ii6 Reflections
ncfs and Reafonablenefs of his Laws, and were there any thing in them whofe Equity we could not readily compre- hend, yet we have this clear and fuffi- cient Reafon, on which, to found our Obedience, that nothing but what's juft and fit, can be enjbin'd by a Juft, a Wife, and Gracious God; but this is a Realbn will never hold in relped of Mens Commands, unlefs they can prove themfelves Infallible, and confequently Impeccable too.
It is therefore very much a Man's Intereft, that Women fliould be good Chriftians ; for in this, as in every other Inftance, he who does his Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true In- tereft are one and the fame Thing, and he who thinks otherwife is to be pitied for being fo much in the Wrong : But what can be more the Duty of the Head> than to inftrud and improve thofe who are under Government ? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this W^orld, whofe Thoughts and Expeda- y tions
^.iipon Marriage. 117
tions are plac'd on the next. A Profped of Heaven, and that only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill'd with, not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Objed. She will difcern a Time when her Sex Ihall be no Bar to the belt Employments, the higheft Honour ; a Time when that Di- ftindion, now fo much usM to her Pre- judice, fhall be no more ; but, provided file is not wanting to her felf, her Soul fhall fhine as bright as the greateft He- roe's. This is a true, and indeed, the only Confolation ; this makes her a fuffi- cient Compeniation for all the Negled and Contempt the ill-grounded Cuftoms of the World throw on her ; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her, and is a fufficient Cordial to fupport her Spi- rits, be her Lot in this World what it may.
But fome fagc Perfbns may, per- haps objcd, that were Women allow'd to improve themfelves, and not, amongft other Difcouragements, driven back by the I 3 wife
Il8 Reflections
wife Jefts and ScofFs that are put upon a Woman of Senfe or Learning, a Philofo- phical Lady, as fhc is call'd by way of Ridicule ; they would be too wife, and too good for the Men: I grant it, for vicious and foolifh Men. Nor is it to be wonder'd that He is afraid he Ihonld not be able to Govern them were their Underflandings improved, who is re- folv^d not to take too much Pains with his own. But thefe, 'tis to be hoped, are no very confiderable Number, the Foolifh at leaft j and therefore this is fo far from being an Argument againft Womens Improvement, that it is a ftrong ©ne for it, if we do but fuppofe the Men to be as capable of Improvement as the Women ; but much more, if, according to Tradition, we believe they have greater Capacities. This, if any thing, would flir them up to be what they ought, and not permit them to wafte their Time and abufe their Faculties in the Service of their irregular Appetites and unreafonable Defires, and fo let. poor contemptible Women, who have
beei)
^..upon Marriage. 1 1^
h^zn their Slaves, excel them in all that is truly excellent. This would make them Blufh at employing an immortal Mind no better than in making Provi- fion for the Flefh to fulfil the Lulls thereof, fmce Women, by a wifer Con- dud, have brought themfelves to fuch a Reach of Thought, to fuch Exadnefs of Judgment, fuch Clearnefs and Strength of Rcafoiiing, fuch Purity and Elevation of Mind, fuch Command of their Pal- lions, fuch Regularity of Will and Af- fedion, and, in a Word, to fuch a Pitch of Perfection, as the Human Soul is ca- pable of attaining in this Life by the Grace of G o d ; fuch true Wifdom, fuch real Grcatnefs, as though it does not qualify them to make a Noife in this World, to found or overturn Empires, yet it qualifies them for what is infinite- ly better, a Kingdom that cannot be mov'd, an incorruptible Crown of Glory.
Besides, it were ridiculous to fup-
pofe, that a Woman, were Ihe ever fo
much ,improv'd, could come near the
I 4 topping
110 Reflections
topping Genius of the Men, and there- fore why Ihoiild they envy or difcourage her ? Strength of^ Mind goes along with Strength of Body, and 'tis only forfome odd Accidents which Philofophers have not yet thought worth while to enquire into, that the fturdieft Porter is not the wifeft Man ! As therefore the Men have the Power in their Hands, fo there's no Difpute of their having the Brains to manage it I Can wc fuppofe there is fuch a Thing as good Judgment and Senfe Upon Earth, if it is not to be found among them: Do not they, generally Ipeaking, do all the great Adions and confiderable Bufinefs of this World, and leave that of the next to the Women? Their Subtlety in forming Cabals and laying deep Defigns, their Courage and Conduct in breaking through all Tyes, (acred and civil, to effecl them, not only advances them to the Poll: of Honour, and keeps them fccurely in it for twenty or thirty Years, but gets them a Name, and conveys it down to Pofterity for £oinc Hundreds j and who would look
any
upon Marriage. 121
any further ? Jiiftice and Injuftice are adminiftred by their Hands, Courts and Schools are filled with thefe Sages ; 'tis Men who difpute for Truth, as well as Men who argue againft it : Hiftories are writ by them ; they recount each other's great Exploits, and have always done fb. All famous Arts have their Original from Men, even from the Invention of Guns, to the Myftery of good Eating. And to fhew that nothing is beneath their Care, any more than above their Reach, they have brought Gamijig to an Art and Science, and a more Profit- able and Honourable one too, than any of thofe that us'd to be call'd Liberal! Indeed, what is it they can't perform, when they attempt it ? The Strength of their Brains Ihall be every whit as con- fpicuous at their Cups, as in a Senate-i Houfe, and, when theypleafe, they can make it pafs for as fure a Mark of Wif- dom, to drink deep, as to reafon pro- foundly ; a greater Proof of Courage, and confcquently of Underftanding, to dare the Vengeance of Heaven it felf,
than
122 R E F L E C T I O N- S.
than to ftand the Raillery of fome of the worft of their Fellow Creatures !
A G A I N, it may be faid, If a Wife's Cafe be as it is here reprefented, it is not good for a Woman to marry, and fo there's an End of Human Race. But this is no fair Confequence, for all that can juftly be inferr'd from hence, is, that a Woman has no mighty Obliga- tions to the Man who makes Love to her j file has no Reafon to be fond of being a Wife, or to reckon it a Piece of Preferment when fhe is taken to be a Man's Upper-Servant; it is no Advan- tage to her in this World j if rightly manag'd it may prove one as to the next. For ilie who marries purely to do good, to educate Souls for Heaven, who can be fo truly mortified as to lay afide her own Will and Defires, to pay fuch an intire Subniiflion for Life, to one whom fhe cannot be fure will al- ways deferve it, does certainly perform a more Herolck Ad:ion, than all the fa-?
mous
upon Marriage. 1 2 j
mous Mafciiline Heroes can boaft of, ftie lufFers a continual Martyrdom to bring Glory to God, and Benefit to Mankind j which Confideration, indeed> may carry her through all Difficulties, I know not what elfe can, and engage her to Love him who proves perhaps fo much worfc than a Brute, as to make this Condition yet more grievous than it needed to be. She has need of a ftrong Reafon, of a truly Chriftian and well- temper'd Spirit, of all the Afliftance the beft Education can give her, and ought to have fome good Affurance of her own Firmnels and Vertue, who ventures on fuch a Trial ; and for this Realbn 'tis lels to be wonder'd at that Women marry off in hafle, for perhaps if they took Time to confider and reflccl upon it, they feldom would marry.
T o conclude. Perhaps Tve faid more than moft Men will thank me forj I cannot help it, for how much Ibever I piay be their Friend and humble Ser- vant*
124 Reflection's
vant, I am more a Friend to Truth. Truth is ftrong, and fome time or other will prevail ; nor is it for their Honour and therefore one would think not for their Intereft, to be partial to them- felves and unjuft to others. They may- fancy I have made fome Difcoveries, which, like Arcana Imperii^ ought to be kept fecret; but, in good earneft, I do them more Honour than to fuppofe their lawful Prerogatives need any mean Arts to flipport them. If they have ufurp^d, I love Juftice too much to wifh Succefs and Continuance to Ufurpations, which? though fubmitted to out of Prudence, and for Quietnefs fake, yet leave every- body free to regain their lawful Right whenever they have Power and Oppor- tunity. I don't fay that Tyranny ought^ but we find in Fati^ that it provokes the OpprefsM to throw off even a law- ful Yoke that fits too heavy : And if he who is freely eleded, after all his fair Promifes, and the fine Hopes he raised, prove-6 a Tyrant, the Confidcration that
he
upon Marriage. 125
he was one's own Choice, will not render one more Submiflive and Patient, but I fear, more Refradory. For though it is very unreafonable, yet we fee 'tis the Courfe of the World, not only to return Injury for Injury, but Crime for Crime ; both Parties indeed are Guilty, but the Aggreffors have a double Guilt, they have not only their own, but their Neighbour's Ruin to anfwer for.
A s to the Female Reader, I hope fhe will allow I've endeavoured to do her Juftice ; not betray'd her Caufe as her Advocates ufually do, under Pretence of defending it. A Pradice too mean for any to be guilty of who have the leaft Stn^c of Honour, and who do anv more than meerly pretend to it. I think I have held the Balance even, and not being confcious of Partiality, I ask no Pardon for it. To plead for the Op- prefs'd, and to defend the Weak, feem'd to me a generous Undertaking ; for though it may be fecure, 'tis not al-
wavs
11^ Reflections
ways Honourable, to run over to the ftrongeft Party. And if Ihe infers from what has been faid, that Marriage is a very happy State for Men, if they think fit to make it fo ; that they govern the World, they have Prefcription on their Side ; Women are too weak to difpute it with them, therefore they, as all other Governors, are moft, if not only, ac- countable for what's amifs ; for whe- ther other Governments in their Origi- nal, were or were not confer'd accord- ing to the Merit of the Perfon, yet cer- tainly in this Cafe, if Heaven has ap- pointed the Man to govern, it has Qiia- lified him for it : So far I agree with her : But if fhe goes on to infer, that therefore, if a Man has not thefe Qua- lifications, where is his Right ? That if he mifemploys, he abufes it ? And if he abufes, according to modern Deduction, he forfeits it, I muft leave her there. A peaceable Woman, indeed, will not car- ry it fo far, fhe will neither queftion her Husband's Right, nor his Fitnefs to
govern.
upon M A R R I A G F. 1 2/
govern, but how? Not as an abfolute Lord and Mailer, with an arbitrary and tyrannical Sway, but as Reafon go- verns and conduds a Man, by propofing what is juft and fit. And the Man who ads according to that Wifdom he af- fumes, who would have that Superiority he pretends to, acknowledged juft, will receive no Injury by any thing that has been offered here. A Woman will value Him the more who is io wife and good, when Ihe dilcerns how much he excels the reft of his noble Sex j the lefs he re- quires, the more will he merit that Efteem and Deference, which thofc who are fo forward to exad, feem confcious; they don't deferve. So then the Man's Prerogative is not at all infring'd, whilft the Woman's Privileges are fecured ; and if any Woman think her felf injur'd, ftie has a Remedy in refer ve, which few Men will envy, or endeavour to rob her of, the Exercife and Improvement of her Vertue Here, and the Reward of it Hereafter.
W K 5 >:
1x8 Reflections
When I made thefe Reflexions, I was of Opinion, that the Cafe of married Women, in compariion of that of their Husbands, was not a little hard and un- equal. But as the World now goes, I am apt to think, thit a Husband is in no defirable Situation ; his Honour is in his Wife's keeping, and what Man of Honour can be fatisfied with the Con- duct which the Licentioufnefs of the Age not only permits, but would endeavour to authorize as a Part of good Breeding? And what makes his Cafe the worfe, he muft diflemble his Uneafinefs, ftifle his Refentments, and not dare to take the proper Methods of preventing and curing the Diforder.
So great is our Corruption, that fuch as pretend to make a true Eftimate of Human Life, and very freely Satirize both Sexes for lefler Crimes, are not afham'd to recommend this, prefcribing a known Sin as a Cure for what is not
abfo-
I
upon Marriage, up
ablblutely unlawful in it felf, though very pernicious in its Confequences, when carried to Excefs.
Not that I would in any manner apo- logize for Gamin'g, which, when carried to Excefs, is ruinous to both Sexes, efpecial- ly to Women ; who, when given to this Vice, difregard their Husbands, and Oeco- nomy, neglect the Education of their Children, fpend their Fortunes as much as they can, and, which is not the leail Inconveniency, when they lofe to Men more than they are able to pay, they give iheir Creditor Opportunity to make infolent Demands. But fure, any Huf^ band, who is not funk to the loweft Degree of Infamy, had rather his Wife ihould wafte his Money at .^ladrllle^ than Intrigue with a ColoneL If Sin yott ma ft (fays an admirable Author, whofe Panegyricks arc Satires, and his Satires Panegyricks)
m take Nature for your Guides
Love has fome foft Ex cafe to footh your Pride,
K Can
ijo Reflections
Can wc read this excellent Advice of this very moral Satirift , without re- mcmbring what the Pfalmijl fays of fbme of his Cotemporaries ; When thou fawejl a I'hlef thou confe'ntedjl unto him^ and haft been Partaker with the Adultery ? For, fure of all other Thieves he is the moft criminal, who (under Pretence of Friendftiip, perhaps) robs a Man of his moft valued Effeds, deprives him of his Honour, and of the Quiet and Comfort of his Life.
Nature and Love, as they, injurl- oufly to both, mifcall their brutal Appe- tite, are very different from what our Author would reprefent them. Variety by no Means anfwers the End of Na- ture in providing for Pofterity. And enough has been faid, to fhew, that fuch Profeflions of Love are moil abufive, and the Effed of their Paffion the moft out- rageous Injury that Hatred can produce: A Woman is never fo eftedually humble^
upon Marriage. 13
ais the Scripture elegantly exprefles it, than when a Man obtains his Defircs. And if Ihe confents, Ihe renders her felf defpicable in his Eyes as well as in the Eyes of others. Thus the Engltfo Mufe very truly fings :
** 7'hat wretched She, who yields to guilty
" Joyu
*' ^ Man 7nay Pity, hut he must Defpife^
Whoever makes a true Eftimate of Chriftianity, who does not profefs it, becaufe as yet, 'tis the Religion of his Country, or for his Interefl, or fome fuch worthy Motive ; but upon full Convidion of its Divine Authority^ which he cannot want if he examines impartially, as a Matter of this Confe- qucnce defer ves ; fuch a Man will find Chriftianity requires the ftrideft Purity of Heart and Imagination, fincc in the thickcft Darknefs our Thoughts, as well as our Actions, are manifeft to our Judge ^ and, that whoever looks upon a Wo- / K a man
12Z Reflections, &c,
man to Lull after her, has committed Adultery with her already in his Heart.
Horfes and Bulls ^ and all the J^rutal Kind, Kange oet the Field, to no one She confind, ^bey know not Love, for Love is in the Mind. S'hefe following Nature are exempt from Blame^ Unconfcious or of Guilt, Kemorfe and Shame.
But Man, unhappy Man ! puts out his Light, Keafon for fakes, to follow Appetite. Sinks down to Brute, and labours hut in vain, S'o he like them, without Remorfe or Shame ^^ ^0 Guilt, inevitably follows Pain. No Deeds ofDarknefs are conceal* dhy Night,' He fees IVho dwells in everlafting Light, And ev^ry Thought is open to His Sight.
APPEN-
( ■» )
APPENDIX.
I H E Rejle^or^ who hopes Reff^tfor is not bad EngViJIh (now Governor is happily of the Feminine Gender) guard- ed againft Curiofity in vain : For a certain ingenuous Gentleman, as Ihe is informed, had the Good-nature to own thefc Refledions, fo far, as to affirm that he had the Original MS. in his Clofet, a Proof fhe is not able to produce • and fo to make himfelf rcfponfible for all their Faults, for which, fhe returns him ail due Acknowledgment. However, the Generality being of Opinion, that a Man would have had more Prudence and Manners than to have Publifh'd fuch K 3 unfca-
»j4 APPENDIX.
unfeafbnable Truths, or to have betray'd the Arcana Imperii of his Sex ^ flie hum- bly confeiTes, that the Contrivance and Execution ©f this Defign, which is un- fortunately accus'd of being fo deftru- dive to the Governmenty''(of the Men, I mean) is intirely her own. She nei- ther advis'd with Friends, nor turn'd over antient or modern Authors, nor prudently fubmitted to the Corredion of ^ fuch as are, or fuch as think they arc good Judges, but with an EngViJh Spirit and Genius, fet out upon the Forlorn Hope, meaning no Hiirt to any body, nor defigning any thing but the publick Good, and to retrieve, if poffible, the Native Liberty, the Rights and Privi- leges of the Subjed.
F A R be it from her to ftir up Sedition of any fort : none can abhor it more ; and fhe heartily wifhes, that our Matters would pay their Civil and Ecclefiaftical Governors the fame Submiflion, which ihey themfelves exact from their Do-
meftick
APPENDIX. tj5
mcftick Subje£ls. Nor can fhe imagine how fhe any way undermines the Mas- culine Empire, or blows the Trumpet of Rebellion to the Moiety of Mankind. Is it by exhorting Women, not to ex- peft to have their own Will in any thing, but to be intirely Submiflive, when once they have made Choice of a Lord and Mafter, though he happen not to be fo wile, fo kind, or even fb juft a Governor as was expeded ? She did not, indeed, advife them to think his Folly Wifdom, nor his Brutality, that Love and Worfhip he promifed in his Matrimonial Oath ; for this re- quired a FHght of Wit and Senfe much above her poor Ability, and proper only to Mafculine Underftandings. However, fhe did not in any manner prompt them to Refift, or to Abdicate the Pcrjur'd Spoufe, though the Laws of God, and the Land, make fpecial Provifion for it, in a Cafe, wherein, as is to be fear'd, few Men can truly plead Not Guilty.
K 4 *Tis
1^6 A P P E N D I X.
'Tis true, through want of Lcarn- i/ig, and of that Superior Genius which Men, as Men, lay claim to, Ihe was igno- rant of the Natural Inferiority of our Sex, which our Mailers lay down as a Self- evident and Fundamental Truth. She favv nothing in the Reafon of Things, to make this either a Principle or a Con- cluiion, but much to the contrary ; it being Sedition at Icaft, if not Treafon, to aflert it in this Reign. For if by the Natural Superiority of their Sex, they mean, that every Man is by Nature fu- perior to every Woman, which is the ob- vious Meaning, and that which muft be ftuck to if they would fpeak Senfe, it would be a Sin in any Woman, to have Dominion over any Man, and the great- eft Queen ought not to command, but to obey, her Footman : becaufe no Mu- nicipal Laws can fuperfede or change the Law of Nature : So that if the Do- minion of the Men be fuch, the SaUque Law, as unjuft as Engl/fh Men have ever thought it, ought to take Place over all
the
Appendix. 137
the Earth, and the moft glorious Reigns in the Enghjh^ Damjh^ Caft'dian, and other Annals, were wicked Violations of the Law of Nature !
If they mean that fome Men are fu- perior to Jonie Women, this is no great Difcovery ; had they turn'd the Tables, they might have feen ih.2Xfome Women are iuperior iofome Men. Or had they been pleafed to remember their Oaths of Allegiance and Supremacy, they might have known, that One Woman is fupe- rior to j4ll the Men in thefe Nations, or clfe they have fworn to very little Pur- pofe. And it muft not be fuppos'd, that their Reafbn and Religion would fufFcr them to take Oaths, contrary to the Law of Nature and Reafon of Things.
By all which it appears, that our Re- fiedor's Ignorance is very pitiable ; it may be her Misfortune, but not her Clime, efpecially fince fhe is willing to be better informed, and hopes ihe fhall
never
138 APPENDIX.
never be fo obftinate as to fhut her Eyes againft the Light of Truth, which is not to be charged with Novelty, how late fbever we may be blcfs'd with the Dil^ covery. Nor can Error, be it as an- tient as it may, ever plead Prefcription againft Truth. And fincc the only way to remove all Doubts, to anfwer all Ob- jedions, and to give the Mind entire Satisfaction, is not by Affirmngy but by Provingy fo that every one may fee with their own Eyes, and judge according to the beft of their own Underftandings ; Ihe hopes it is no Prefumption to infift on this Natural Right of Judging for her felf, and the rather, becaufe by quitting it, we give up all the Means of Rational Convidion. Allow us then as many Glafles as you pleafe to help our Sight, and as many good Arguments as you can afford to convince our Under* Handings : But don't cxad of us, we be- feech you, to affirm that we fee fuch Things as are only the Difcovery of Men who have quicker Senfes ; or, that we underftand, and know what we have by
APPENDIX. 139
Hear- fay only; for to be {o exceflively Complaifant, is neither to fee nor to nn- derftand.
That the Cuftotn of the World, has put Women, generally fpeaking, into a State of Subjedion, is not denied ; but the Right can no more be prov'd from the Fad, than the Predominancy of Vice can juftify it. A certain great Man, has endeavour'd to prove, by Reafons not contemptible, that in the Original State of Things the Woman was the Superior, and that her Subjection to the Man is an Effed of the Fall, and the Punifhment of her Sin : And, that ingenious Theo- rift Mr. //7j///c;«, aflerts, That before the Fall there was a greater Equality between the two Sexes. However this be, 'tis certainly no Arrogance in a Wo- man to conclude, that (lie was made for the Service of God, and that this is her End. Becaufe God made all Things for Himfelf, and a rational Mind is too ^oble a Being to be made for the Sake and Service of any Creature. The Ser- vice
140 APPENDIX.
vice fhe at any Time becomes obligM tO pay to a Man, is only a Bufinefs by the Bye, juft as it may be any Man's Bufinefs and Duty to keep Hogs; he was not Made for this, but if he Hires himfelf out to fuch an Employment, he ought confci* entioufly to perform it. Nor can any thing be concluded to the contrary from St. Paul's Argument, i Cor. xi. for he argues only for Decency and Order, ao* cording to the preient Cuftom and State of Things : Taking his Words ftridly and literally, they prove too much, in that, Praying and ^rophe eying in tht Church are allowed the Women, pro- vided they do it with their Head covered as well as the Men \ and no Inequality can be inferred from hence, neither from the Gradation the Apoftle there ufes, that the Head of every Man is Chrifi, and that the Head of the Woman is the Man, and the Head of Chriji is God ; it being evi- dent from the Form of Baptifin, that there is no natural Inferiority among the Divine Perfbns, but that they are in all Things Coequal. The Apoftle, indeed,
adds,
!
APPENDIX. 141
adds, that the Man is the Glory ofGoT>^ and the fVoman the Glory of the Mjh^ SCc. But what does he infer from hence ? ' He fays not a Word of Inequality, oir natural Inferiority ; but concludes, that a Woman ought to cover her Head, and a Man ought not to cover his, and that even Nature it J elf teaches us, that if a Mail have long Hair it is a Shame unto him. Whatever the Apo file's Argu- ment proves in this Place, nothing can be plainer, than that there is much more faid againft the prefent Fafhion of Mens wearing long Hair, than 'for that Supre- macy they lay claim to. For by all that appears in the Text, it is not fo much a Law of Nature, that Women fliould obey Men, as that Men fhould not wear long Hair. Now how can a Chriftian Nation allow Falhions contrary to the Law of Nature, forbidden by an Apo- ftle, and declared by him to be a Sliame to Men? Or if Cuftom may make an Alteration in one Cafe, it may in another, but what then becomes of the Nature and Reafon of Things? Befides, the
Conclufion
M
APPENDIX.
Conclufion the Apoftle draws from his Argument concerning Women, viz. that they Jhoiild have Power on their Head5\ lecaufe of the Angels^ is fo very obfcurc; a Text, that that ingenious Paraphraft, who pleads fo much for the Natural Subje^ion of Women, ingenuoufly con feffes, that he does not underftand it, Probably it refers to fome Cuftom amon the Corinthians y which being wel known to them, the Apoftle only hin at it, but which we arc ignorant of, an therefore apt to miftake him. 'Tis like] that the falfe Apoftle whom St. Paa^ writes againft, had led Captive fome their rich and powerful, but Jtlly Wb> men^ who having as mean an Opinio: of the Reafon God had given them, ai any Deceiver could defirc, did not, lik the noble-minded Bereans, fearch th Scriptures whether thoje things were Jo^ but lazily took up with having Men Perfons in admiration, and followed thei: Leaders blindfold, the certain Rout t Deftrudlion. And it is alfo probable that the fame cunning Seducer imploy'd
thefc
APPENDIX. 143
thefc Women to carry on his own Dcfigns, and putting them upon what he might not think lit to appear in himfelf, made them guilty of indecent Behaviour in the Church of Corinth. And therefore St. 'J^aul thought it neccffary to reprove them lb feverely, in order to humble them ; but this being done, he takes care in the Conclufion to fet the Matter on a right Foot, placing the two Sexes on a Level, to keep Men, as much as might be, from taking thofe Advantages which People who have Strength in their Hands, are apt to aflume over thofe who can't contend with them. For, fays he, iS/<?- verthekjs^ or notwithftanding the for- mer Argument, the Man is not without the Woman^ nor the Woman without the Man^ hut all I'hings of God. The Re- lation between the two Sexes is mutual, and the Dependance reciprocal, both of them depending intirely upon God, and upon Him only • which, one would think, is no great Argimient of the na- tural Inferiority of either Sex.
Our
144 APPENDIX.
Our Refle^or is of Opinion, that Difpntes of this kind, extending to Hu- man Nature in general, and not peculiai to thofe to whom the Word of G o d has been reveal'd, ought to be decided by Natural Reafon only. And, that the Holy Scripture ihould not be interefted in the prefcnt Controverfy, in which it determines nothing, any more than it does between the Copermcan and Ptolo* mean Syftems. The Defign of thofe Holy Books being to make us excellent Moral ifts and perfec^t Chriftians, not great Philofophers j and being writ for the Vulgar as well as for the Learned, they are accommodated to the common way of Speech and the Ufage of the World j in which we have but a fhort Probation, fo that it matters not much what Part we act, whether of Govern- ing or Obeying, provided we perform it well with rcfped to the World to come.
One does not wonder, indeed, that when an Adyerfary is droye to a Non- plus,
APPENDIX. 14
plus, and Reafon declares againft him, he flies to Authority, efpecially to Di- vine, which is infallible, and therefore ought not to be difputed. But Scripture is not always on their Side who make Parade of it, and through their Skill in Languages, and the Tricks of the' Schools, wreft it from its genuine Senfe to their own Inventions. And fuppo- fing, not granting, that it were appa- rently to the Womens Diladvantage, no fair and generous Adverfary but would be afham'd to urge this Advantage : Be- caufe Women, without their own Fault, are kept in Ignorance of the Original^ wanting Languages and other Helps to Criticife on the Sacred Text, of which, they know no more, than Men are pleas'd to impart in their Tranflations< In fhort, they (hew their Defire to main- tain their Hypothefes, but by no means their Reverence to the Sacred Oracles^ who engage them in fuch Difputes. And therefore, the Blame be theirs, ^\'ho have unnecefTarily introduc'd them in
L the
146 APPENDIX.
the prefent Subjed, and who, by faying, that the Refle^f'wns were not agreeable to Scripture, oblige the Refledor to ftiew, that thofe who affirm it muft either mif- take her Meaning, or the Senfe of Holy Scripture, or both, if they think what they fay, and do not find fault meerly becaufe they refolve to do fo. For, had fhe ever writ any thing contrary to thofe facred Truths, ihe would be the firft in pronouncing its Condemnation.
But what fays the Holy Scripture ? It fpeaks of Women as in a State of Sub- jection, and fo it does of the 'Jews and Chriplansy when under the Dominion of the Chaldeans and Komdns^ requiring of the one as well as of the other, a quiet Submiffion to them under whofe Power they liv'd. But will any one lay, that thefe had a Natural Superiority and Right to Dominion? that they had a fuperior Underftanding, or any Pre-eminence, "except what their greater Strength ac- quir'd ? Or, that the other were fub-
je6led
APPENDIX. 147
jecled to their Adveifaries for any other Realbn but the Punilhment of their Sins, and, in order to their Reformation? Or for the Exercife of their Vertue, and be- caiife the Order of the World and the Good of Society required it ?
I F Mankind had never Sin'd, Reafbn would always have been obeyed, there would have been no Struggle for Domi- nion, and Brutal Power would not have prevailed. But in the lapfed State of Mankind, and now, that Men will not be guided by their Realbn but by their Appetites, and do not what they ought but what they can^ the Realbn, or that which ftands for it, the Will and Plea- furc of the Governor, is to be the Realbn of thofe who will not be guided by their own, and muft take Place fbr Order's fake, although it Hiould not be conform- able to riglit Reafon. Nor can there be any Society great or little, from Em- pires down to private Families, without a lait Refort, to determine the Affairs of L 1 that
14? APPENDIX.
that Society by an irrefiftable Sentence. Now unlefs this Supremacy be fix'd fomewhere, there will be a perpetual Contention about it, fuch is the Love of Dominion, and let the Reafon of Things be what it may, thofe who have leaft Force or Cunning to fupply it, will have the Difadvantage. So that fince Women are acknowledged to have leaft Bodily Strength, their being commanded to Obey is in pure Kindncfs to them, and for their Quiet and Security, as well as for the Exercife of their Vertue. But does it follow, that Domeftick Gover- nors have more Senfe than their Subjects, any more than that other Governors hare ? We do not find that any Man thinks the worfe of his own Underftand- ing, becaufe another has faperior Power; or concludes himfelf lefs capable of a Poft of Honour and Authority, becaufe he is not prefer'd to it. How much Time would lie on Mens Hands, how empty would the Places of Concoiirfe be, and how filent moft Companies, did
Men
APPENDIX. 14?
Men forbear to cenfure their Governors, that is, in efFed, to think themfelves wifer. Indeed, Government would be much more defirable than it is, did it in- vert the Pofleflbr with a fuperior Under- ftanding as well as Power. And if meer Power gives a Right to Rule, there can be no fuch Thing as Ufurpation j but a Highway-Man, fo long as he has Strength to force, has alfo a Right to require our Obedience.
Again, if abfolute Sovereignty be not neceffary in a State, how comes it to be fo in a Family ? Or if in a Family why not in a State ; fince no Reafon can be alledged for the one that will not hold more ftrongly for the other ? If the Authority of the Husband, fo far as it extends, is facred and inalienable, why not that of the Prince ? The Domeftick Sovereign is without Difpute elected, and the Stipulations and Contradt are mutual ^ is it not then partial in Men to the laft Degree, to contend for, and pradife L 3 that
ijo APPENDIX.
that Arbitrary Dominion in their Fami- lies, which they abhor and exclaim againft in the State? For if Arbitrary Power is evil in it felf, and an improper Method of Governing Rational and Free Agents, it ought not to be practised any where ; nor is it lefs, but rather more mifchievmis in Families than in King- doms, by how mucli 100,000 Tyrants are worfe than one. What though a Husband can't deprive a Wife of Life without being refponfible to the Law, he may, however, do what is much more grievous to a generous Mind, render Life miferablc, for which fhe has no Redrefs, fcaree Pity, which is afforded to every other Complainant, it being thought a Wife's Duty to fuffer every thing with- out Complaint. If all Men are horn Free^ how is it that all Women are born Slaves ? As they muft be, if the being fubjeded to the inconflant^ uncertain^ un^ hiown^ arbitrary Wtll of Men, be the ^erfetl Condition of Slavery ? And, if the JLflence of Freedom confifts, as our Ma- ilers
APPENDIX. 151
ftcrs fay it does, in having a Jlandhig Rale to live by ? And why is Slavery fo much condemn'd and ftrove againft in one Gale, and fo highly applauded, and held fo necefTary and fo facred in an- other ?
'Tis true, that God told Eve after ju he Fall, that ber Husband fionld Rule over her : And fo it is, that he told Efiu by the Mouth of J/crac his Father, that he fhould Jerve his younger Brother^ and Ihould in Time, and when he was ftrong enough to do it, break the Tohe from off' his Neck. Now, why one Text fhould be a Command any more than the other, and not both of them be Predidions on- ly ; or why the former fhould prove Adam's Natural Right to Rule, and much lefs every Man's, any more than the latter is a Proof of Jacob's Right to Rule, and of E/au's to Rebel, one is yet to learn ? The Text in both Cafes fore- telling what would be j but neither of them determining what ought to be,
L 4 But
ijj APPENDIX.
But the Scripture commands iV^ives to fubm'it themfehes to their own Huf-^ hands. True ^ for which St. Paul gives a Myftical Reafon {Eph, v. 22, &c.) and St. Peter ^ a Prudential and Charita- ble one (i '^et, iii.) but neither of them derive that Subjedion from the Law of Nature. Nay, St. Paul^ as if he fore-. faw and meant to prevent this Plea, giv- ing Directions for their Condud to Wo- men in general, i T'im. ii. when he comes to fpeak of Suhjetilon^ he changes his Phrafe from Women^ which denotes the whole Sex, to iVoman^ which in the New Teftanient is appropriated to a Wife,
As for his not fufFering Women to fpeak in the Church, no fober Perfoq that I know of pretends to it. That learned Paraphraft, indeed, who lays fo much Strefs on the Natural Suhje^wn^ provided this Prerogative be fecur'd, is willing to give up the other. For he
endca-
APPENDIX. 15}
endeavours to prove, that Infpir'd Wo- men, as well as Men, us'd to ipeak in the Church, and that St. 'T^aul does not forbid it, but only takes care that the "Women fhould fignify their Subjection by wearing a Veil. But the Apoftle is his own belt Expofitor, let us therefore compare his Precepts with his Practice, for he was all of a Piece, and did not contradict himfelf Now by this Com- parifon we find, that though he forbids Women to teach in the Church, and this for feveral Prudential Reafons, like thofe he introduces with an I give my Ophilou^ and now /peak /, not the Lord^ and not becaufe of any Law of Nature, or pofi- tive Divine Precept, for that the Words they are comtmnded (i Cor, xiv. 24.) are not in the Original, appears from the Italick Character, yet he did not found this Prohibition on any fuppos'd want of Underftanding in Woman, or of Ability to teach ; neither does he confine them at all Times to learn In Silence. For the eloquent y^pllos^ who was himfelf a
Teacher,
154 APPENDIX.
Teacher, was inftruded by Pr'tfcilhy as well as by her Husband jiquila^ and was improvM by them both in the Chriftian Faith. Nor does St. Paul blame her for this, or fiippofe that fhe nfiirfd Atitho- rity over that great Mem ; fo far from this, that as fhe is always honourably nicntion'd in Holy Scripture, fo our Apoftle, in his Salutations, Rojn, xvi. places her in the Front, even before her Husband, giving to her, as well as to him, the Noble Title of, his Helper in Chr'iji JefiiSy and of one to whom all the Churches of the Gentiles had great Obligations.
But, it will be faid perhaps, that in I ^im. ii. 13, &c. St. Paul argues for the Woman's Subjection from the Rea^ fon of Things. To this I anfwer, that it muft be confefs'd, that this (accord- ing to the vulgar Interpretation) is a very obfcure Place, and I fhould be glad to fee a Natural, and not a Forc'd In- terpretation given of it by thofe who
take
APPENDIX. 155
take it Literally : Whereas if it be taken Allegorically, with refped to the Myfti- cal Union between Chrift and his Church, to which St. Panl frequently accommo- dates the Matrimonial Relation, the Dif- ficulties vanifh. For the Earthly Adam*% being fornid before Rve^ fcems as little to prove her Natural Subjeclion to him, as the living Creatures, Fifhes, Birds and Beads being form'd before them both, proves that Mankind mufi: be fub- je6l to thcfe Animals. Nor can the Apoftle mean that Eve only finned \ or that fhe only was Dece'rSd^ for if Adain finn'd wilfully and knowingly, he be- came the greater Tranfgreflbr. But it is very true, that the Second Adam^ the Man Chrift Jefus, was fjrjl formd^ and then his Spoufe the Church. He was not in any refped Deceived, nor does file pretend to Infallibility. And from this fccond Adam^ promis'd to Eve in the Day of our firft Parents Tranfgref^ fion, and from Him only, do all their Race, Men as well as Women, derive
their
1^6 APPENDIX.
their Hopes of Salvation. Nor is it pro- mis'd to either Sex on any other Terms befides Perfeverance in Fartby Charltyj HoUuefs and Sobriety,
I F the Learned will not admit of this Interpretation, I know not how to con- tend with them. For Senfe is a Portion that God Himfelf has been pleafed to diftribute to both Sexes with an impar- tial Hand, but Learning is what Men have cngrofs'd to themfelves, and one can't but admire their great Improve- ments ! For, after doubting whether there was fuch a Thing as Truth, and after many hundred Years Difputes about it, in the laft Century an extraordinary Genius arofe, (whom yet, fome are pleafed to call a Vifionary) enquir'd after it, and laid down the beft Method of finding it. Not to the general Li- king of the Men of Letters, perhaps, becaufe it was wrote in a vulgar Lan- guage, and was fo natural and eafy as to debafe Truth to common Underftand- ings, Ihewing too plainly, that Learn-
APPENDIX. 157
ing and true Knowledge are two very different Things. " For it often hap- " pens (fays that Author) that Women " and Children acknowledge the Falfe- " hood of thofe Prejudices we contend " with, becaufe they do not dare to " judge without Examination, and they " bring all the Attention they are ca- " pable of to what they read. Where- " as on the contrary, the Learned con- *' tiniie wedded to their own Opinions, " becaufe they will not take the Trou- *' ble of examining what is contrary to " their receivM Doftrines.
Sciences, indeed, have been in- vented and taught long ago, and, as Men grew better advis'd, new modelled. So that it is become a confidcrable Piece of Learning to give an Account of the Rife and Progrefs of the Sciences, and of the various Opinions of Men concern- ing them. But Certainty and Demon- ftration are much pretended to in this prefent Age, and being obtained in many
Things,
1 58 APPENDIX.
Things, 'tis hoped Men will never Di{l pute them away in that which is of great- eft Importance, the Way of Salvation. And becaiife there is not any thing more certain than what is delivered in the Oracles of Goo, we come now to con- fider what they offer in Favour of our Sex.
Let it be premised, (according to the Reaibning of a very ingenious Per- fbn in a like Cafe) that one Text for us, is more to be regarded than many againft us. Becaufe that Ofje being different from what Cuflom has eftabliihed, ought to be taken with Philofophical Stridnefs • whereas the Many being exprels'd ac- cording to the vulgar Mode of Speech, ought to have no greater Strefs laid on them, than that evident Condefcenfion will bear. One Place then were fuffi- cient, but we have many Inftances wherein Holy Scripture confiders Wo- men very differently from what they ap- pear in the common Prejudices of Man- kind.
The
APPENDIX. 159
The World will hardly allow a Woman to fay any thing well, unlels, as file borrows it from Men, or as affift- ed by them : But God Himfelf allows that the Daughters of Zelo^hehad fpake rlght^ and palfes their Requeft into a Law. Confidering how much the Ty- ranny, fliall I fay, or the fuperior Force of Men, keeps Women from A6ling in the World, or doing any thing confider- able, and remcmbring withal the Con- cifenefs of the Sacred Story, no fmall Part of it is bcftow'd in tranfmitting the Hiftory of Women, famous in their Ge- nerations : Two of the Canonical Books, bearing the Names of thofe great Wo- men whofe Vertues and Adions are there recorded. Ruth being call'd from among the Gentiles to be an Anceftor of the Meiliah, and E/iher being rais'd up by God to be the great Inllrument of the Deliverance and Profperity of the JezvlJJ; Church.
Thf
t6o
APPENDIX.
The Charader of Ifaac^ though one of the moft blamelefs Men taken Notice of in the Old Teftament, muft give Place to Rebecca's, whofe Affections are more reafonably plac'd than his, her Favourite Son being the fame who was GoD*s Favourite. Nor was the Blefling beftow*d according to his, but to her Defire ; fo that if you will not allow, that her Command to Jacob fuperfeded Ifaac\ to Efau, his Defire to give the Blefling to this Son, being evidently an Effedt of his Partiality ; you muft at leaft grant, that fhe paid greater Defe- rence to the Divine Revelation, and for this Reafon, at leaft, had a Right to oppofe her Husband's Defign; which, it feems, Ifaac was fenfible of, when upon his Difappointment, he trembled Jo exceedingly. And fo much Notice is ta- ken even of Rebecca's Nurfe, that we have an Account where Ihc died, and where Ihe was buried*
GoS
APPENDIX. t6i
G o D is pleas'd to Record it among His Favours to the ingrateful Jewsy that He fent before them His Servants Mojesy jiaron^ and Miriam; who was alfo a Prophet efs, and inftructed the Women how to bear their Part with Mofes in his Triumphal Hymn. Is flie to be blam'd for her Ambition ? And is not the High Prieft Aaron alio, who has his Share in the Reproof as well as in the Crime ? nor could fhe have mov'd Sedition if fhe had not been a confiderable Pcrfon, which appears alfo by the Refped the People paid her, in deferring their Jour- ney till fhe was ready.
Where ihall we find a nobler Piece of Poetry than Deborah's Song ? Or a better and greater Ruler than that re- nowned Woman, whofe Government fo much exceird that of the former Judges? And though fhe had a Husband, fhe her fclf judged Ifraely and confequently was his Sovereign, of whom we know no M more
\6i APPENDIX.
more than the Name. Which Inftance, as I humbly fuppofe, overthrows the Pretence of Natural Inferiority, For it is not the bare Relation of a Fad, by which none ought to be concluded, un- lets it is conformable to a Rule, and to the Reafbn of Things : But Deborah's Government was conferred on her by God Himfelf. Confeqiiently the Sovereignty of a Woman is not contrary to the Law of Nature ; for the Law of Nature is the Law of God, who cannot contra- did Himfelf; and yet it was God who infpir'd and approved that great Woman, raifing her up to Judge and to Deliver His People IfraeL
N o T to infill: on the Courage of that valiant Woman, who delivered fhebez by flaying the Affailant ; nor upon the Preference which God thought fit to give to Sampfon's Mother, in fending the Angel to her, and not to her Husband, .whofe vulgar Fear fhe fo prudently an- fwer'd, as plainly Ihews her fuperior
Under-
APPENDIX. 1(53
Underftanding : To pafs over yihigairs wife Condud, whereby fhe prcferv'd her Family and defer ved David's Ac- knowledgments, for rcftraining him from doing a ralh and unjuftiiiable Adion ; the Holy Penman giving her the Cha- rader of a Woman of good Under jlajjd'ing^ whilft her Husband has that of a Chur- lifli and Foolilh Perfon, and a Son of Belial: To lay nothing of the wije fi^O' inan (as the Text calls lier) of Tekoah ; or of her of y4hel^ who has the fame Epi- thet, and who by her Prudence deli- / vered the City and appeas'd a dangerous Rebellion: Nor of the Queen of 6"/'^^^, whofe Journey to hear the Wifdom of Solomon^ flievvs her own good Judgment and great Share in that excellent Endow- ment. Solomon does not think himfelf too wife to be inftruded by his Mother, nor too great to record her LeflTons, which, if he had followed, he might have fparcd the Trouble of Repentance, and been delivered from a great deal of that Vanity he lb deeply regrets.
M % What
i6^ APPENDIX.
What Reafon can be aflign'd why the Mothers of the Kings of Judah^ are {o frequently noted in thofe very ftiort Accounts that are given of their Reigns, but the great Refped paid them, or perhaps their Influence on the Govern- ment, and Share in the Adminiftration ? This is not improbable, fince the wic- ked Athaliah had Power to carry on her Intrigues fo far as to get PofTeflion of the Throne, and to keep it for fome Years. Neither was there any Neceffity for Afa's removing his Mother (or Grandmother) from being Qiieen, if this were merely Titular, and did not carry Power and Authority along with it. And we find what Influence Jezahel had in Ifrael^ in- deed to her Husband's and her own De- ftruftion.
I T was a Widow-U^oman whom God made choice of to fuftain his Prophet "Elijah at Zarephah, And the Hiftory of the Shmmmite is a noble Inftance of the Account that is made of Women in
Holy
APPENDIX. 1(55
Holy Scripture. For whether it was not the Cuftom in Shanem for the Husband to dictate, or whether her's was con- fcious of her fuperior Vertue, or what- ever was the Reafon, we find it is ihe who governs, dwellhig with great Ho- nour and Satisfaclion amo?iz her own Peo- fie. Which Happincfs fhe underftood fo well, and was fo far from a trouble- ibme Ambition, that fhe defires no Re- commendation to the King or Captain of the Hoji^ when the Prophet offered it, being already greater than they could make her. The Text calls her a Great WotnaUy whilft her Husband is hardly taken Notice of, and this, no other- wife, than as performing the Office of a Bailiff. It is her Piety and Hofpitality that are Recorded, She invites the Pro- phet to her Houfe • who converfes vv ith, and is entertained by her. She gives her Husband no Account of htr Affairs any further, than to tell him her Defigns, that he may fee them executed. And when he defires to know the Reafon of M 3 her
x66 APPENDIX.
her Condud, all the Anfwer fhe affords isy fVel/, or, as the Margin has it from the Hebrew^ '^eace. Nor can this be thought aflbming, fince it is no more than what the Prophet encourages, for all his Addreffes are to her^ he takes no Notice of her Husband. His Benefits arc conferr'd on her^ 'tis Jhe and her Houje- hold whom he warns of a Famine, and 'tis Jhe who Appeals to the King for the Reftitution of her Hotife and Land. I would not infer from hence, that Wo- txjen, generally fpeaking, ought to go- vern in their Families when they have a Husband ; but I think this Inftance and Example is a fufficient Proof, that if by Cuftom or Contracl, or the Laws of the Country, or Birth-right, (as in the Cafe of Sovereign Princelfes) they have the fupreme Authority, it is no Ufurpation, nor do they ad contrary to Holy Scripture, nor confequcntly to the Law of Nature. For they are no where, that I know of, forbidden to claim their juft Right: The Apoftle,
'tis
A P P E N D I X. i($7
*tis true, would not have them ufiirp Authority, where Cuftom and the Law of the ftrongeft had brought them into Subjection, as it has in thefe Parts of the World. Though in remoter Regions, if Travellers rightly inform us, the Suc- ceffion to the Crown is intail'd on the Female Line.
God Himfelf, who is no Refpe^er of Perfous^ with -whom there is neither Bond nor Free, Mule nor Female , but they are all one in Chrift J ejus, did not deny Women that Divine Gift the Spirit of Prophecy, neither under the Jevjijh nor Chriflian Difpenfation. We have nam*d two great ProphetefTes already, Miriam and Deborah ; and befides other Inftan- ces, Huldah the Prophetefs was fuch an Oracle, that the good King Jojjah^ that great Pattern of Vertuc, fends even the High Prieft himfelf to confult her, and to receive Directions from her in the moft arduous Affairs. It fjall come to fafsy faith the Lord, that I will pour out M 4 my
i6S APPENDIX.
fny Spirit upon all Flefh^ and your Sons and your Daughters Jhall Prophejy^ which was accordingly fulfiUM by the Million of the Holy Ghoft on the Day of Pente^ CO ft, as St. Peter tells us. And, befides others, there is mention of four Daugh- ters of Philipy Virgins, who did Prophefy. For, as in the Old, fo in the New T^ejia^ ment. Women make a confiderable Fi- gure ; the Holy Virgin receiving the greateft Honour that Human Nature is capable of, when the Son of God vouch- fafed tQ be her Son, and to derive his Humanity from her only. And if it is a greater Bleffing to hear the JVord of God and keep it, who are more confider- able for their Affiduity in this, than the Female Difciples of our Lord? Mary being Exemplary, and receiving a noble Encomium from Him, for her Choice of the better Part.
I T would be thought tedious to enu- merate all the excellent Women mention- ed in the New "Jtejiament^ whofe humble
Penitence
APPENDIX. 169
Penitence and ardent Love, as Magda^ lens ; their lively Faith and holy Inipor- tiMity, as the Syrophenkians ; extraor- dinary Piety and Uprightnefs, as EUza- heth's'j Hofpitality, Charity and Dili- gence, as Martha*Sy Tabitha's^ &c, (fee St. LukeYin.) • frequent and ajfTiduous De- votions and Aufterities, 2Lsy^mias'^ Con- ilaney and Courage, Perfeverance and ardent Zeal, as that of the Holy Wo- men who attended our Lord to His Crofs, vv^hen His Difciples generally for- fook, and the moft Courageous had de- nied Him ; are Recorded for our Exam- ple. Their Love was ftronger than Death, it followed our Saviour into the Grave. And, as a Reward, both the Angel, and even the Lord Himfelf, appears firll to them, and fends them to preach the great Article of the Refur- redion to the very Apoftles, who being, as yet, under the Power of the Prejudices of their Sex, efteem'd the Holy \\ o- mens fVords as idle 7'aks^ and believed them not*
Some
1/0
APPENDIX.
Some Men will have it, that the Reafon of our Lord's appearing firft to the Women, was, their being leaft able to keep a Secret ; a witty and maf- culine Remark, and wonderfully Reve- rent ! But not to difpute whether thofc Women were Blabs or no, there are many Inftances in Holy Scripture, of Women who did not betray the Confidence re- pos'd in them. Thus Rahaby though formerly an ill Woman, being converted by the Report of thofe Miracles, which, though the Ifraelltes faw^ yet they he- Iteved not tn God, nor put their T^rufi in hts Word^ She acknowledges the God of Heaven, and, as a Reward of her faith- ful Service, in concealing J-ofhim's Spies, is, with her Family, exempted from the Ruin of her Country, and alfo, has the Honour of being named in the Meffiah'^ Genealogy, Mkhal^ to fave David's Life, expofes her felf to the Fury of a Jealous and Tyrannical Prince. A Girl was trufted by David's grave Counfel-
lors
APPENDIX. 171
lors to convey him Intelligence in his Son's Rebellion; and when a Lad had found it out, and blab'd it to Ahjdom^ the King's Friends confiding in the Pru- dence and Fidelity of a Woman, were fecur'd by her. When our Lord efca- ped from the Jews^ he truftcd Himfelf in the Hands of Martha and Mary. So does St. Peter with another Mary^ when the Angel delivered him from Herod^ the Damfel Rhoda too, was acquainted with the Secret. More might be faid, but one would think here is enough to fhew, that whatever other great and wife Rea- fons Men may have for defpifing Wo- men, and keeping them in Ignorance and Slavery, it can't be from their having learnt to do fo in Holy Scripture. The Bible is for, and not againft us, and can- not without great Violence done to it, be urg'd to our Prejudice.
However, there are ftrong and prevalent Reafons which demonftrate the Superiority and Pre-eminence of the Men.
For
172 APPENDIX.
For in the firft Place, Boys have much Time and Pains, Care and Goft beftow'd on their Education, Girls have little or none. The former are early initiated in the Sciences, are made acquainted with antient and modern Difcoveries, they lludy Books and Men, have all imagi- nable Encouragement^ not only Fame, a dry Reward now a-days, but alfo Title, Authority, Power, and Riches themfelves, which purchafe all Things, are the Reward of their Improvement. The latter are reftrain'd, frown'd upon, and beat, not /or, but from the Mufes ; Laughter and Ridicule, that never-fail- ing Scare-Grow, is fet up to drive them from the Tree of Knowledge. But if, in fpite of all Difficulties Nature prevails, and they can't be kept fo ignorant as their Mafters would have them, they are llar'd upon as Monfters, cenfur'd, en- vied, and every way difcouraged, or, at the beft, they have the Fate the Pro- verb alTigns them, Fertue is prats' d and fiarvd. And therefore, fince the coarfeft
Ma-
APPENDIX. 175
Materials need the moft Curing, as every Workman can inform you, and the worft Ground the moft elaborate Cul- ture, it undeniably follows, that Mens Underftandings are fuperior to Womens for, after many Years Study and Expe- rience, they become wife and learned, and Women are not Born fo !
Again, Men are pofTefTcd of all Places of Power, Truft and Profit, they make Laws and exercile the Magiftracy, not only the Iharpeft Sword, but even all the Swords and Blunderbufles are theirs, which by the ftrongeft Logick in the World, gives them the beft Title to every Thing they pleafe to claim as their Prerogative : Who Ihall contend with them ? Immemorial Prefcription is on their Side in thefe Parts of the World, antient Tradition and modern Ufage ! Our Fathers, have all along, both taught and practifed Superiority over the weaker Sex, and confequently Women are by Nature inferior to Men, as was to be de-
monftrated.
174 APPENDIX.
monftrated. An Argument which muft be acknowledged unanfwerable ; for, as well as I love my Sex, I will not pretend a Reply iofuch Demonftration !
Only let me beg to be informed, to whom we poor Fatherlefs Maids, and Widows who have loft their Mafters, ow^e Subje6Hon ? It can't be to all Men in general, unlefs all Men were agreed to give the fame Commands j Do wc then fall as Strays, to the firft who finds us ? By the Maxims of fome Men, and the Conduft of fome Women one would think fo* But whoever he be that thus happens to become our Mafter, if he al- lows us to be reafonable Creatures, and does not meerly Compliment us with that Title, fince no Man denies our Rea- dincfs to ufe our Tongues, it would tend, I Ihould think, to our Matter's Advantage, and therefore he may pleafe to be advis'd to teach us to improve our Reafon. But if Reafon is only allowed us by way of Raillery, and the fecret
Maxim
APPENDIX. 175
Maxim is, that we have none, or little more than Brutes, 'tis the belt way to confine us with Chain and Block to the Chimney-Corner, which, probably, might fave the Eftates of fome Families ancj the Honour of others.
I Do not propofe this to prevent a Rebellion, for Women are not fo well united as to form an Infurredion. They are for the moft part wife enough to love their Chains, and to difcern how very becomingly they fit. They think as humbly of themfclves as their Mafters can wifh, with refped to the other Sex, but in regard to their own, they have a Spice of Mafculine Ambition ; every one would Lead, and none would Follow. Both Sexes being too apt to Envy, and too backward in Emulating, and take more Delight in detrading from their Neighbour's Vertue, than in improving their own. And therefore, as to thofe Women who find themfelves born for •Slavery, and are fo fenfible of their own 2. Mean-
\r6 APPENDIX.
Mcannefs, as to conclude it impoflible iQ attain to any thing excellent, fince they are, or ought to be beft acquainted with their own Strength and Genius, She's a- Fool who would attempt their Delive- rance or Improvement. No, let them enjoy the great Honour and Felicity of their tame, fubmiilive and depending Temper ! Let the Men applaud, and let them giory in this wonderful Humility f Let them receive the Flatteries and Gri- maces of the other Sex, liveunenvied by their own, and be as much belov'd as one fuch Woman can afford to love an- other! Let them enjoy the Glory of treading in the Footfteps of their Prede- ceflbrs, and of having the Prudence to avoid that audacious Attempt of foaring beyond their Sphere ! Let them Huf^ wife or Play, Drefs, and be pretty en- tertaining Company ! Or, which is bet- > ter, relieve the Poor to eafe their own Compaffions, read pious Books, fay their Prayers, and go to Church, becaufe they have been taught and us'd to do fo,
without
APPENDIX. 177
without being able to give a better Rca- fbn for their Faith and Pradice! Let them not by any means afpire at being Women of Underftanding, becaufe no Man can endure a Woman of Superior Scnfe, or would treat a reafonable Wo- man civilly, but that he thinks he ftands on higher Ground, and,- that ilie is ib wife as to make Exceptions in his Fa- vour, and to take her Mcafures by his Diredions ; they may pretend to Senfe, indeed, fince meer Pretences only render one the more ridiculous ! Let them, in fliort, be what is call'd very Women, for this is mofl acceptable to all Ibrts of Men- or let th^m aim at the Title of good devout Women, fince fome Men can bear with this ; but let them not judge of the Sex by their own Scantling: For the great Author of Nature and Foun- tain of all Perfection, never defignM that the Mean and Imperfed, but that the moft Compleat and Excellent of His Creatures in every Kind, fhould be the Standard to the reft.
N To
,78 APPENDIX.
T o conclude ; If that Great Queen who has fubdiied the Proud, and made the pretended Invincible more than once fly before her ; who has Refcued an Em- pire^ Reduced a Kingdom, Conquer'd Provinces in as little Time almoft as one can Travel them, and feems to have chained Victory to her Standard ; who difpofes of Crowns, gives Laws and Liberty to Europe, and is the chief In- ftrument in the Hand of the Almighty, to pull down and to fet up the great Men of the Earth ; who conquers every where for others, and no where for her felf but in the Hearts of the Conquer'd, who are of the Number of thofe who reap the Benefit of her Triumphs ; whilft ihe only reaps for her felf the Lawrels of difinterefted Glory, and the Royal Pleafure of doing Heroically j if this Glory of her own Sex, and Envy of the other, will not think we need, or does not hold us worthy of, the Pro- tedion of her ever vidorious Arms, and
Men
APPENDIX. 179
Men have not the Gratitude, for her fake at leaft, to do Jufticc to her Sex, who has been fuch a univerfal Bcnefadrefs to theirs : Adieu to the Liberties, not of this or that Nation or Region only, but of the Moiety of Mankind ! To all the great Things that Women might per- form, inlpir'd by her Example, encou- raged by her Smiles, and fupported by her Power ! To their Difcovery of new Worlds for the Excrcife of her Good- nefs, new Sciences to publifh her Fame, and reducing Nature it felf to a Sub- jedion to her Empire! To their deflroy- ing thofe worft of Tyrants Impiety and Immorality, which dare to ftalk about even in her own Dominions, and to de- vour Souls almoft within View of her Throne, leaving a Stench behind them Icarce to be correded even by the In- cenfe of her Devotions ! To the Wo- men's tracing a new Path to Honour, in which none fhall walk but fuch as fcorn to Cringe in order to Rife, and who are Proof both againft giving and N 2 receiving
i8o APPENDIX.
receiving Flattery I In a Word, to thofe Halcyon, or, if you will, Millennium Days, in which the Wolf and the Lamb fhall feed together, and a Tyrannous Domination, which Nature never meant, fhall no longer render ufclefs, if not hurtful, the Induftry and Underftand- ings of half Mankind!
FINIS.
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A Compleat Hillory of Evgland, to the Death of â– "â– King iVilliavi IK. with Iar2;e Notes. Colleded by the late Biiliop Kennet. VVith the Effigies of all the Kings, from the Originals : Engraven by the bcft Maftei-s.' -x Vols.
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