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THE

WIDOW'S OFFERING:

AN

AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE

OF THE

PARENTAGE, LIFE, TRIALS AND TRAVELS

OF

MRS. ELIZABETH HILL

WRITTEN BY HERSELF.

D. S. RUDDOCK, PRINTER,

NEW LONDON, OONN. 1852.

THE ■' YORK

PUBLIC U , RY

482^73

A«TOR, LENOX AND TU~DEN FOUNDATIONS.

R 1910 L

PREFACE.

This narrative, which was written solely for the gratification of some highly esteemed friends, who entreated me to give them some of the leading events of my life — has been lying for twelve years, with the intention of not having it published during my life — but as I am now fast declining in the vale of years, and feel myself unable to buffet the storms of this cold world, I would humbly offer it to a generous and sympathizing public, as my last resource. I am perfectly aware that you will find imperfections throughout the whole, but as it was my first attempt at any thing of the kind — which I have performed without guide or compass, or even a book to assist me in any of my travels — - I humbly trust that every allowance will be made, at least by those friends for whom it was first designed, if not by a prejudiced public ; and that this little work may find a friendly acceptance for the benefit of a destitute widow, is the sincere prayer of the writer.

ELIZABETH HILL.

-

£

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

Through the request of several friends, I am induced to make the at- tempt of giving them a brief narrative of my life, which I am well con. vinced will be painful to me in the extreme, as it will harrow up feel- ings in this grief worn heart which I have long strove to bury in obliv- ion. My life has been a checkered one — interwoven with many thorns, but few roses : my trials have been many, and my afflictions-great ; but that God whom I ever loved, and now profess to serve, has ever been near to comfort and console me, under all His chastenings.

My fattier was a native of England — my mother an American, the daughter of Mr. David Valentine, and niece to Judge Valentine, his brother of Long Island. She was likewise neice to Colonel Jessup, and cousin to Capt. Jessup, his son, both of the British Army. Some time after the unnatural war between England and America had subsided, my mother became the wife of Capt. John Freeman, who sailed out of the port of N. York, but he was not the man of her choice, as her vows

had been plighted to another. Mr. R h, her former lover was upon

the eve of making a short journey, the space of a fortnight, upon busi- ness, previous to which, they having had a dispute upon some trifling occasion, parted in displeasure ; my father took the advantage of his absence and renewed those attentions, which he had frequently of- fered before, but never met with any encouragement. My mother now however, out of revenge to her former lover, accepted his proposal and gave her hand but not her heart, in marriage to a man that she could not love, and became an unhapy woman for life.

Mr. R. returned in about a week after that event had taken place, and

approached my mother with the same affection as usual, asked her for-

givness, hoped all animosity had ceased, and was now ready to ratify

that promise of marriage which had been solemnly made between them, 2

6 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

but was met by her with a cold and chilling repulse, but oh, the ago- nies of her reproachful mind (as she often told me) were beyond descrip- tion; it appeared as though the earth was opening to swallow her up, and she would have given worlds had she possessed them to have dis- solved those bonds which nothing but death could sever. He observed the wedding ring upon her finger, and inquired if she was married. She answered in the affirmative. He clasped his hands together in agony, and paced the room up and down, like a distracted man, upbraiding her with inconstancy. In the mean time my father came home, and intro- duced her as Mrs. Freeman. He made no reply, but caught up his hat in a phrenzy, and rushed out of the house. He traversed the street op- posite the door all that night, and afterwards became deranged, and continued so at iutervals, during the remainder of his short life. Mr. R. was a very fine young man, in the bloom of youth, and possessed a handsome property. My mother was then a haudsome girl, ot 18 years. She was very haudsome, aud well do I remember how often have I gazed in silent admiration on her lovely countenance, and although the canker worm had long been preying upon her heart, at the age of 36 she still retained the semblance of youth and beauty. My father wras 22 years older than her, but he was a great dandy, with a good property ; that was a sufficient recommendation in the eyes of her friends who advised her to marry him, and were much pleased with the match.

Thus commenced the marriage life of my adorable mother. They resided seven years in New York, after their marriage, during which time they had two sons, and two daughters. They then made prepar. ations for leaving the United States, as my father would not remain auy longer in a place which was not under the Brit.sh government. We ac- cordingly embarked on board of a schooner, bound for S. I., a new set- tled place in British America. I was theu only three years old, and can scarcely remember any relative, excepting in our own family, and only two or three little incidents that happened, one of which made an indel- ible impression upon my infant memory. One sultry morning in the month of August, I took my large doll (almost as big a& myself) and went out by the street door. The black servant came and told me not to go away — that mamma wanted me. I however did not mind her and wandered away from the house (which was in James street) I know not how far, but I remember that the sun felt very hot to my head and back, as I had no hat on, and only a light chintz frock and my under garment, and a pair of red morocco shoes. I traveled along till I came to a deep ditch full of filthy mud and water, which as they have told

THT3 WIDOW'S OFFERING.

me since, had I have fallen into, I must certainly have been suffocated, but the interposing hand of God was there to prevent so horrible a death. A gentleman hearing my cries, came up and inquired whose little girl I was, but I cried the more piteously lor mamma and black Sally. (Now Sal was a faithless creature in many respects, but very indulgent to the children. She would tell a lie, or use any deception to briug us out of disgrace, therefore, we all loved her.) The gentleman asked me where I lived — I pointed across the ditch. He then t<>ok me by the baud aud led me to a • arrow part and lifted me over, after hav- ing told me to be a good girl and ruu home to my mother, he left me. I stood on the sidewalk aud still continued crying, when a girl came up to me and wanted to take away my doll, but I screamed most audi- ble, and hugged the dear treasure close in my arms. My s reams brought a woman out of the house where I stood, who beat the girl and sent her away. She then set me upou the steps of the door and went in and brought me a piece of bread aud butter, which I ate very quietly, as I suppose by that time I must have been pretty hungry I cau re- member nothing more after that, until my father found me. In the mean time on being misced, our house was thrown into the greatest con- fusion— every iftmate of the house that was able, and many of the neigh- bors went in search of me. Every street, lane aud avenue, in that part of the city was explored, but no tidings could be heard of me. My fa- ther then employed the city bellman or crier, and accompanied him through every street in the lower part of the town, when about sunset they found me near the battery, sitting with an old apple woman, eat- ing fruit. She said that she lound me in Fulton street and took me with her to her stand, where I had been since four o'clock, and that she slept an hour of the time. My father gave her a guinea (which is five dollars) for her trouble, and then took me down from the seat, but I could not stand, and he was obliged to carry me home in his arms, when upon examining my leet they were all in blisters — likewise my face and neck which had been all day exposed to a broiling sun. M) moth- er had been almost frantic during the day, but when she saw her lost darling restored to her in safety, she clasped me to her bosom, and fainted away. She was seriously ill for some time afterwards. But I have digressed from the subject, which will no doubt often occur, and whi h I hope my friends will excuse, as I shall have so many different things to mention, which I cau only recite as they present themselves. I believe I left off where we had embarked fur British America, to relate my runaway scrape. We set sail with a favorable wind, iu the

8 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

month of April, and had nearly gained the destined port when a violent gale came on, which threatened immediate destruction. They took in all her sails and run under her bare poles ; the captain was so much alarmed that he gave up the command to my father, as he was a more experienced mariner, who conducted her with safety into the nearest harbor he could make. In two days after they made sail again, and in a few days we arrived safe, without any damage. Thus ended my first voyage, at the age of three years. After the vessel was moored, and we were dressed, my father took us on shore and conducted us up to my grandmother's, who bad resided there for several years as she was one of the first settlers, previous to which she had become a widow — left her native island and removed to New York, where she opened a clothing store and made a great deal of money during the war, but when that was concluded, there was little or no business of the kind to be done, when she sold out and remove d to S. I. In a few days after our arrival my mother hired a tenement and went to housekeeping. — My little sister remained with her grandmother, my oldest brother and myself were sent to school. I forgot to mention that the year before we left New York, Colonel Jessup with his regiment and family, de- parted for England, which my mother deeply regretted, *s she had spent the happiest of her youthful days at their house, in the society of her aunt and cousins. My father and mother were both Episcopalians, but not members of the church ; they were, however, constant attendants — my father in particular — as he had the most time. We likewise had to attend once a week and recite our catechism to the minister. There was only one other place of worship there, which was of the Methodist de- nomination, but my father would not allow any of his family to go there, as he was so bigoted in his religious principles, that I believe he thought no one could be saved out of the pale of his own church, but he could not prevent the black girl from going, although he was very severe with her, and would not allow her to give or take any liberties, but when she was out of sight of her master or mistress, she went where she liked best. She was very sly and artful, and my mother was frequently obliged to hide some of her most glaring faults, to prevent her being punished, as upon such occasions, if my father knew it, he had no mercy. She would sometimes take us out for a walk, and be gone all day — then she was sure to be punished, as that could not be hid. I will re- late one of her imprudent tricks, which she was guilty of, previous to our leaving New York.

One evening after my father and the children had gone to bed, my

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 9

mother went out of the parlor to see if the doors were fastened, when lo, she beheld black madam coming down stairs, dressed out in the most brilliant style, with a splendid blue silk dress of my mother's, a fancy gauze cap trimmed with artificial flowers, white kid gloves, silk stockings, a gold chain on her neck, etc. My mother stood pale with as- tonishment— why, you impudent black trollop, she said, what do you mean. 0, misses, she replied, I beg your pardon — forgive me this time, and I will never do so again — don't tell master. She ordered her up stairs and made her undress, and would have turned her away immedi- ately, but she was an apprenticed negro, and we could not get rid of her conveniently, until her time had expired. The lady it seems, had been invited to a ball of her own color, and had taken the liberty of dressing herself in her mistress' clothes for the occasion, and was stealing out, as she thought, after all the family were in bed. She was mistaken, however, for that time, and sent to bed in disgrace, with a promise that her master should know it, on the following morning. But my mother was afraid to tell him, as she was well assured if he had known it, that he would almost have been the death of her. He had an utter aversion to negroes, and especially when they were given to evil propensities ; it was not so with my mother, for she had been accustomed to them from infancy, as her grandfather had several slaves, some of which were born and brought up in the family, consequently she overlooked many of her errors.

But to resume my subject. In about ten months after our arrival at S.I., my father left there for his native England, with the intention of sending for his family, as soon as he could make arrangements for that purpose. He however, wrote in a few months after, that he was on the point of making a voyage to the West Indies, and would send for us, on his return — but voyage after voyage succeeded each other, without any appearance of that event taking place. There was always some excuse, or something had happened to prevent — when finally his letters ceased altogether. In the mean time, my brother and me were removed to a higher school, where we made pretty good progress in learning . T be- gan to read very well, and he was in writing. Our schoolmaster was an excellent scholar, but a very severe man ; he was a Scotchman, and would frequently lift me up by the ears, and as I was very fleshy and heavy, it would almost tear them from my head ; at one time I went home with the blood trickling down upon my bosom. My mother was so indignant that she threatened him if ever he punished me in the

like manner again, she would immediately remove me from school. He 2*

10 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

promised that lie never would, but said that his scholars must and should learn, and if they would not do it with entreaty, they should by puuishment. At another time, after I was in writing, he ferruled my hand so severely, that it caused a frightful swelling which gathered and broke, and prevented my using a pen, for three mouths after. At other times, if- 1 had learned my task correctly, or continued at the head of my class, he would be very indulgent, and call me his bonny little girl. My sister still continued at our grandmother's and went to the same sohool with us. Our beloved mother now began to be very as- siduous in trying to impress upon our dawning reason, the piiuciples of religiou ; she taught us several short prayers, and would make us repeat them when going to bed, and on rising, she would likewise read small portions of the scriptures and explain them, she would describe the joys of heaven, and terrors of hell — and when reading of the sufferings and death of our blessed Saviour, I would cry and sob aloud. I began to be very fond of reading, good books in particular, aod i'f I got hold of a little story book with au account of some good and pious girl, I would go into a room by myself and sit there alone until I had finished it, when I would say to myself, " 0, how I wish that I was as good as she was — well I will try to be — I won't tell any lies — I won't be saucy — nor slap my dear little brother — and I will pray to God to make me better, and then I shall go to that beautiful paradise that mamma told me about, and there I shall see God and the lovely Jesus, and walk iu the golden streets, and have a crown upon my head." I was then about seveu years old, and can very well remember what were my feelings and reflections, and I have every reason to suppose that I was called of God — I felt that I was very wicked and if I did not leave off my bad ways, I should never get to heaven. I don't know that I was any worse than my brothers or sister, as there was no particular complaint against me, in short, I was Generally called a very good child, but I felt that I was worse than any one else. We now frequently attended the Methodist meet- ing as my father was not there to prevent us, and I always paid the ut- most attention to what the preacher said. I there heard the sinner's character portrayed iu a most awful light, and heard the sentence pass- ed upon them, of depart ye cursed— oh, I thought, what a dreadful thing it must be to have the doors of heaven forever shut against them, and sent to that horrid place of torment, there to be the companion of the devil and his angels. I began to read my bible with a great deal of in- terest, and would frequently break off to ask for an explanation, where it was too difficult for me to .understand. I took great pleasure i»

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 11

reading the story of Joseph and his brethren, and the psalms, which always appeared to me like prayers, but above all I loved to read of the life, sufferings, and death of our blessed Lord and Saviour, anu up- on such occasions,.would weep bitterly, and so long that I would make myself sick. I was very fond of being in the company of christian peo- ple, and would at any time leave my play to listen to their conversation. My mother lived very retired, and kept but little company, excepting with her nearest neighbors, as she devoted herself entirely to her do- mestic concerns, and the improvement of her children, but alas, she waa an unhappy woman ; I would frequently see her in tears, and inquire what made her cry so. She would answer, hush my dear, don't afflict me. It was now upwards of two years since she had received a letter from my father. She sometimes thought he was dead, and then again, that he was living, and had deserted us forever.

My eldest brother would frequently invite some of his school mates or acquaintances to accompany him home, and among the number was a boy about his own age, extremely interesting in manners and appear- ance, he was a constant visitor at the house, and my brother and him were iuseperable. He began to be very attentive to me, and would of- tentimes bring me confectioneries or a beautiful nosegay of flowers, some of which he would entwine in the ringlets which were flowing over my neck and shoulders. I began to feel an unusual affection for him, as much so as though he had been my brother. He was likewise a great favorite of my mother, as he always behaved to her in the most respectful manner, in short, she became so much attached to him, that she thought there was not his equal, and in a short time after gave her consent to a promise that he had exacted from her, that when we had grown to the years of maturity, I should become his wife, if we were both agreeable to it, and there was'no other impediment in the way ; he consequently ever after this claimed me as his own, and said that he would never have any but me, which promise he kept until his dying hour ; in short, he was an amiable and lovely youth, universally be- beloved by all who knew him. He had one brother who was quite the reverse of William, who was a penurious, selfish iellow, and was always grasping for his brother's property, which he finally came in possession of, as the sequel will show. He was as much despised as his brother was beloved.

William was now 13 years old, and I was ten, he wras a descendant of one of the first families i New York, but his mother having mar- ried a man who was of high respectability, but not so well off in pe^

12 THE "WIDOWS OFFERING.

cuniary matters, her parents were much exasperated, paid her her por- tion and desired her never to show herself there again. She according- ly took their advice, and departed for one of the British Colonies, where they lived in happiness and contentment.

We still contiuued at school with our old Scotch master, with whom I had become a great favorite, and was seldom punished ; 1 was called one of the best spellers in school, and could likewise read and write very well, and had several times gone through my grammar. My brother, made great progress in learning, and had become an excellent scholar. My juvenile lover would often call to see me, but always in the presence of my mother, at which times he would amuse himself with drawing landscapes, birds or flowers, and present them to me. Thus passed the happiest of my childish years ; but alas, not unalloyed with sorrow, for while I knew my dear mother was unhappy, I could not feel otherwise myself. I would frequently see the streaming tears, and hear the heart rent sigh, which as often would be responded by her youthful daughter. She had for some time past made me her compan- ion, and confident ; she related the story of her life, and that after all she had gone through, was now deserted by the man she had united herself with, who had bound himself by the ties of marriage, to be the protector of his wife and children. Oh, my beloved child, she would add, may you never experience the sorrows of your unhappy mother. Alas, her countenance confirmed the talc of truth, for sorrow was depic- ted there. I would upon such occasions, endeavor to comfort her, while my own heart was almost bursting with anguish, and tell her that per- haps my father would come home by and by, and then we should all be happy and comfortable, but a mournful shake of the head, and a bitter sigh, would be the resjDonse. My natural disposition was cheerful, and too much levity was always my easily besetting sin — but since I had grown to the years of reflection, I felt the same gloom and melan- choly had taken possession of my spirits, which pervaded the bosom of my afflicted mother. I was frequently invited to juvenile parties, and upon such occasions, my mother was very indulgent ami allowed us to

attend. William C r generally made one of the number. She

had again talked over the affair of our infantile attachment, and conclu- ded, if we were in the same mind, when we had grown to the years of maturity, that she would lay no impediment in the way of our union.

I forgot to mention that my grandmother had gone to New York, several months before on a visit, where she took the yellow fever, went up to her nephew's, Col. Y s, at White Plains, and died. My sis-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 13

ter of course, came home previous to her departure. My brother, Ed- ward Augustus, had grown a beautiful and interesting child, and became greatly attached to me, as I indulged him in all his little gambols, and loved him with a sister's tenderest affection, indeed he was always my favorite brother ; our dispositions were alike, and in appearance, we both resembled our mother. Valentine and Sarah, took after their fa- ther.

Seven long years had now expired since any accounts had been re- ceived from England, when one afternoon my mother went out to spend an hour with some of her, neighbors when a man came to the house and inquired if she was at home, I told him she was not. He then gave me a letter, with a charge, to deliver it as soon as she returned. — I felt an unusual anxiety until she did return, when I handed her the letter ; she looked at the superscription, and with a trembling hand broke the seal, her lips quivered, and her countenance changed to a death like paleness — she faintly articulated, bring me some water, and sank back in her chair. She however, after using the proper restora- tive, slowly recovered and resumed the hateful letter. I wish, said I, you had never seen it — who is it from, mamma ? I inquired. Your fa- ther my dear, she answered. We all sat very quietly while she read it to herself, after which, she read it to us. I forgot to mention that my eldest brother had been apprenticed out to a trade by his mother, about a year previous, consequently, he was not there on the arrival of his father's letter. She read, that he had written to her a great number of times, but never received an answer, and concluded that she had re- turned with her family to the United States, among her kindred. He likewise wrote, that he had been twice taken by the French, lost every- thing, and confined in a French prison for a great length of time, after which he made his escape, and arrived safe at Bermuda, (West Indies) where he was welcomed with great joy, by the merchants of that place, who immediately fitted out a ship, with a valuable cargo, with which he set sail for England, as commander, and was again taken and con- ducted back to a French prison, where he was more closely confined than before. There was, however, an exchange of prisoners in a few months after, and he was liberated. He likewise stated that he had been informed, that I was very handsome, and that my mother had engaged me to a young American gentleman, when I should be grown to the years of maturity ; but, he added, if ever I had him, that he would disinherit me, and never acknowledge me for his daughter — that X was to repair to England with my mother and the rest of the family

14 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

the ensuing autumn, excepting my brother Valentine, who he said, had better remain with hid employer, until he had finished his trade, and then he could follow, and he would pet him up in his business. My brother seemed much disappointed, but silently acquiesced. As to poor William, the news appeared to him like a death blow, to crush at once, all his air built prospects of future happiness. lie flattered him- self, that after having obtained the consent of my mother, there would be no other obstacle in the way, but alas, we were about to separate never to meet again, on this side of the grave. In regard to myself, al- though the mandate had been so severe from my father, yet I was high- ly delighted at the idea of going to England, so n.uch so, that I disregarded the sorrowful looks, and tearful eye of my beloved broth- er and his friend. All, all was lost, in the pleasing sensation of seeing England ; ah. mistaken, infatuated girl, little did I think that I was about to exchange the fond endearments of a tender mother, for the stern commauds of a rigid lather, but such was the case, and a few suc- ceeding mouths convinced me of the reality. We now began to make preparations for the voyage, it being the latter part of August, aud my mother engaged our passage in a very large ship, built for the pur- pose of carrying masts aud spars to England. She did not, however sail till the mouth of October, when we embarked on board, accom- panied by my brother and our esteemed young friend, but never shall I forget their agonized looks. My brother clung to his mother and sis- ter, as though he could not be separated, and poor William, pale as death, took the hand of my mother aud mine, and pressed them to his heart — oh, my mother, my Eliza, he said, remember your promise, aud when you become of age, I shall go to England aud claim you. My dear young friend, replied my mother, my promise is irrevocable, hut you will have her father's consent to obtain, betore ycur wishes can be re- alized, however, I will write to you all the particulars after our arrival, and Eliza shall write also. In the mean time, make yourself as happy as you can, ind I hope e're long, we shall all meet again, and now my dear boys, may the God of heaven bless and protect you — be kind to each other, aud write often, and your letters shall be answered. They stood weeping, as did likewise my brother Edward, dining the time our mother was speaking ; but they were aroused by the captain, who gave the dreadful order, that no longer must they stay on board, as the ship was under sail. Farewell, they cried, dear mother, sister, brother, all, aud dashed the tear* from their eyes — they embraced and parted. Farewell, indeed, thought I, to all the joys and companions of my

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 15

childhood years; I leaned my head upon the table, and wept most bit- terly. I sat down upon the locker and looked out of the cabin window, when I saw the buildings gradually disappear, and watched the last ob- ject, which was the light-house, until it receeded from my sight. Oh, I thought, I would have given worlds, had I possessed them, to have been again on shore, but it was now too late to repent. I went to bed extremely ill; my head ached dreadfully, and my heart worse. I took no sustenance that day, and was very sick all night. The following day they led me upon deck, but there I could see nothing but the ex- pansive ocean, and the wide canopy of heaven ; my heart turned sick and my head so dizzy, that they were obliged to take me again below, and put me to bed. My mother and sister were likewise so ill that they were scarcely able to attend upon me, but there was another lady pas- senger on board, who was not sick, and was kind and attentive to us all. I was extremely ill for a week, alter which I began to get better ; my appetite returned, and I enjoyed good health the remainder of the voyage. We had a dreadful tedious passage of three months, with nothing but foul weather, and a boisterous sea, and were four weeks beatin;' about in the English Channel, when we fell in with an English ehip of war, which took us in tow and conducted her safe into Ports- mouth, where we landed, and in an hour after, we were on our journey and arrived about seven o'clock at night, in <he city of London. My mother then hired a carriage, and ordered the coachman to drive to my father's agent upon Tower Hill. We remained in the carriage till the driver rapped at the door, and inquired for Mr. Sunbey ; that gentleman came out himself, and my mother inquired if Capt. Freeman was there. He answered in the affirmative, but that he was very lame, and confined with the gout. She made known to him who she wras, and we were accordingly conducted into the parlor, where sat an aged looking gen- tleman, with powdered hair, (which was then the fashion) his foot rest- ing upon a cushion, and his hands bound up. Mr. S. introduced him as Capt. Freeman. My mother took his hand, when he called out loudly, oh, you hurt me. What, Elizabeth, is it you, — when did you arrive ? — The tear started into her eyes, as she seated herself beside him. I looked at my lovely mother, who appeared more like a daughter than his wife, and thought how was it possible that she could choose such a man for a husband. She rose from her seat, took each a hand of my 6ister and me, and led us up to our father. Your daughters, my dear, she said, Elizabeth and Sarah, and likewise your son, Edward Augus- tus. Well, well, he replied, line girls ; how do you like to be aboard

16 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

of ship — suppose you was sea sick. I answered, yes, sir. Well never mind, go to bed early, sleep sound, and soon get over it. Come hither my boy, what do you think of it ? do you like to go to sea ? Not very well sir. Well that's right, stay ashore and do something better. You are now in Old England, and when I get well, I'll take you out and sli< >w you London. We all sat silent during the conversation, but for my part, I could not help fetching a deep and audible sigh, for my heart felt heavy and dejcted ; my father heard it. Why what's the matter, Lizzy, he said, — are you sorry you left your yankee bog — never mind girl, there's as good Johnny Bulls as ever there was Brother John- athans. I could hold out no longer, but burst into a flood of tears, and sobbed out, I wish I had never come, but stayed with my dear brother Valentine. Well, come, come, he said, don't cry, I was only joking. — But the death blow was given, and I well knew from the conversation of that night, what I had to expect in the future. My mother and sis- ter looked at me with a tearful eye and pitying countenance, but said nothing.

In the mean time, Mrs. Sunbey with her two daughters, entered the parlor. The Miss Ransons were daughters of a former husband ; Mr. Sunbey first married the sister of Mrs Bauson, who after several years died. Mrs. R. likewise, having lost her husband, he married the wid- ow, therefore, he was doubly connected with those young ladies, as un- cle and father. They came and took our bonnets and shawls, and gave us a kindly welcome. The servant then prepared tea, of which we partook with a good appetite, and the remainder of the evening passed pleasantly with some, but not with me, as a settled gloom had taken possession of my feelings, which I could not overcome. The young la- dies asked me a great many questions about America, and the voyage, which I answered but imperfectly, and about ten o'clock we retired to rest.

We remained a few days with Mrs. S., when my father and mother took a carriage and went in search of a house, which they hired ; they then bought furniture, and in a week after our arrival, we were at housekeeping. My father had only arrived the week before us, in the fliip Lion, with a valuable cargo from the West Indies. The ship and cargo belonged to him, but he had been so lame since his arrival, that he was unable to attend to the discharging her ; he however, was get- ting a little better, and rode down each day to give orders.

I now began to be more reconciled to London, although I had seen but little of it, yet, we however had a great many visitors, and invita-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 17

tions to a large number of parties, of gentlemen and ladies, "where we likewise attended, and was introduced into a large circle of fashionable acquaintance. I had now become as dissipated as any of them, and at- tended every ball, theatre, concert, or party that I was invited to, and my indulgent mother had not a heart to deny me what was there call- ed innocent and rational amusements, indeed, I have known clergymen to allow their daughters to .go to balls and theatres, and considered by them as only youthful recreations. But my mother did not altogether think so, she had another object in view ; she wished us to mingle with the gay world, that we might see its vanities, and get sickened and cloyed with it. She would, nevertheless, often say my dear girls, you will ruin your constitutions, if you do not give up these evening scenes of dissipation, your father will not allow it much longer ; he is very an- gry with you. Well mamma, I would answer, others do so, and if we do not have our parties, and go where we are invited, we shall be thought very meanly of. Indeed, it was more to please the world, that I fol- lowed the throng, than myself, for I was very fond of retirement, from childhood, and would frequently long for those peaceful hours winch I had enjoyed with my mother in the days of her solitude. I had launch- ed my frail bark upon the ocean of life, with silken sails expanded, to catch the inviting breeze, disregarding the storms of sorrow, which were ere long to overtake me, and the rocks of woe which were lurk- ing in the rear, but still continued to move on in the gay and fashiona- ble circle.

Among the multitude of Our visitors was lady Ann Jessup, the wife of our cousin, Capt Jessup, who I formerly mentioned as being in the British Army. Lady Ann was daughter to the Earl of Stratmore, and frequently accompanied her husband in the army, and resided in the vicinity during the campaign. Colonel Jessup, who was father of the Captain and uncle to us, had departed from London with his regiment and family, for the East Indies, where he had been ordered by the gov- ernment, only four weeks previous to our arrival ; we of course were very much disappointed, as well as my father, as he and the Colonel were almost inseperable whenever he had returned from a voyage ; he said they had lived in princely" splendor, and that he had frequently been ushered into a drawing room, where there were lords, ladies, dukes and nobles.

My father began now to be more severe in his conduct to us, and in- sisted upon it, that we should not frequent so often those nightly amuse- ments, and when we did, the hour was to be limited to ten o'clock. I 3

18 THE WIDOW'S OFFER IXG.

thought it very hard, but was obliged to submit. He said it was his

intention to take us into the country to see our aunt P , his sister,

whose husband was a rich old farmer. He had given the command of his ship to another captain, and sent her off again to the West Indies ; he likewise owned the ship Eliza, of five hundred tons, in the same trade, and two smaller vessels in the Mediterranean trade. He had also large amounts of money invested in the bank, the interest of which, was more than sufficient to support his family in splendor, but notwith- standing he was wealthy, he was at the same time, penurious, and would frequently deny us little articles of dress, which were absolutely necessary for young people of our class in society. We consequently experienced many mortifications.

The time had now arrived, when we were to go into the country, my father had engaged our passage on board of a packet, bound for Ips- wich, his native place, and about ten miles distance from Walton, where my aunt resided. We repaired on board immediately after breakfast, and arrived at Woolwich in the afternoon, where they cast anchor, in order to take in some freight, during which time my father conducted us on shore, and took us to a large manufactory where they were boring brass cannons. We stood and looked at them some time and saw the rolls of brass coming out like carpenters' shavings , it is a great place for that business, which is carried on to a large extent. The town ap- peared but indifferent, but the surrounding country was beautiful. O ! I exclaimed, how I should like to walk over those delightful hills. — Well, said my father, it is my intention to do so — come we must hurry, or we shall be too late for the packet. We walked nimbly along, and at eveiy step enjoying the beauties of nature, for nearly a quarter of a mile, when we came to a large and elegant building, where stood an old milk-man, with his pails by the side of him, leaning over the gate look- ing very sorrowful. Here, girls, said my father, was the country seat of your uncle Jessup. Why papa, I exclaimed, you never told us so be- fore. No, he said, because I meant to surprise you ; he then asked the old man if he knew Colonel Jessup. O, yes, sir, he replied, God bless his honor ; I've reason to know him, he was the best and kindest gen- tleman that ever lived ; I served his family with milk for ten years, and when he bought this beautiful countiy seat, I was a veiy poor man, and was obliged to buy my milk by the gallon and sell it out again to sup- port my family, but he was so kind as to buy me a cow, and then with the money that I sold the milk for, I bought another, and so on till now I have six, and when they first came we had nothing but a poor hovel

the "widow's offering. 19

to live in, but since that time, I have built me a nice house, which you may see yonder, pointing to a pretty looking cottage, about two fields distance, and I am now a rich man — God bless his honor, and the dear lady, bis wife ; and the young ladies, his daughters, were so kind to us, and gave us furniture for our house, and when they were, sick would come and see them, and send something nice to them every day — but oh, they are gone to a foreign land, and I shall never see them any more ; and he brushed away the big drops which were chasing each other down his furrowed cheeks. My feelings were so overcome at the old man's recital, that I could not help joining him in sympathetic tears. Well, said my father, that good man you have been speaking about, is uncle to these young ladies, my daughters, who have lately arrived from America. God bless their beautiful faces, he replied, what a pity they could not have seen their relations before they left England. Dear young ladies, will you do me the honor to walk over to my humble cot- tage and take some new milk, and then I will show you what that be- loved family has done for us. T would gladly have accepted the invi- tation, but my father told him we should not have time then, but if we came that way again, we would certainly call. I should have liked very much to have entered the mansion, but it was all closed and fas- tened up ; we, however, looked into the garden which was encompassed by innumerable weeds and flowers, growing in wild luxuriance. I was highly gratified with our little excursion, which afforded me many hours of pleasinsr reflection.

"We reached the vessel just in time, as they were all ready ; they im- mediately got under weigh, and the next morning arrived at Ipswich. After breakfast my father hired a chaise, and we set off for W. and ar- rived at that place a short time before dinner. My aunt and uncle were two old fashioned looking people; they, however, gave us a joyful and welcome reception. My father was a favorite brother of my aunt, who she had not seen for several years. The table was spread sumptuously with roast beef, ducks, green peas, pies and custards, of which we par- took with an unsparing appetite, as our journey had given an exquisite relish to all upon the table. They asked me an hundred questions about America, and if I did not like England the best. I told them I had not seen enough of it yet to be a judge, but what I had seen, I liked ex- tremely well ; indeed, I had no reason to say otherwise, for everything appeared enchanting. It was about the middle of July, and all nature had arrived at the highest perfection. After dinner we walked out in the garden, which abounded with a variety of the smaller kind of fruit,

20 the widow's offering.

such as currants, gooseberies, plums, and raspberies ; after regaliDg our- selves plentifully there, we went forth into the orchard and amused our- selves with viewing the different kinds of fruit growing there. The En- glish fruit, in general, is superior in flavor to that of the Americau ; the reason why it is so, is because they take more pains in cultivating their trees and vines. They generally rear their choicest fruit in their gar- dens, and nail the stems or vines against the wall with small slips of leather, from which the reflecting heat of the sun ripens it much sooner, and gives it a more sweet and delicious taste.

After finishing our walk in the orchard, we went into the house, and were there met by several visiters, w'ho called to make their compli- pliments, and take a view of the young Americans. "We had many in- vitations from the surrounding farmers and gentry. Among the num- ber of that neighborhood, was Lady F — d — r, likewise the clergyman

and his lady. Mrs. "W s was a lady of high birth, and would often

revert to her pedigree, and regret that she was so degenerated, as to be nothing more than the humble curate's wife of W. I thought it very wrong, young as I was, that a minister's wife should be possessed of so little humanity. She had flattered herself when she married him, that he would arrive at a higher dignity in the church, but was disappointed in her expectations, and consequently treated him with cruel and unmer- ited contempt. The Rev. Mr. W. was a devoted and pious man, and a faithful preacher of the gospel. He was beloved and esteemed by all who knew him, but sorrow was depicted on his countenance; he would frequently call at my aunt's, as she was a member of his church, and I was always delighted to be in his company, his conversation was so heavenly minded, and would often revive those sparks, which, through the phrenzy and folly of a fashionable world, had for several months been dormant, and conscience would speak loudly to this rebellious heart, but alas, how transient the impression, no sooner was he gone, than I would forget all, and enter again with fresh vigor into all the enchant- ing scenes around me. There was continual visiting, and returning of visits, parties of pleasure, and riding out, in short, every thing that could be thought of, was invented for amusement, and I did not see but the country was as dissipated in proportion, as it was in London.

My uncle took me out one morning near the stable, where there was a beautiful little pony, and asked me if I would like to ride. I told him I had never been upon a horse, and did not know how. Never mind that, he said, you will soon learn ; and accordingly the side saddle was placed upon him, and I was soon mounted, while every limb was trena-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 21

bling with fear, which I, however, soon overcome, and after having rode round the field several times, I began to have a little more confidence, and felt so encouraged, that as soon as he was gone, I ventured out of the yard and rode a considerable distance, and called at several farm houses — in short, I rode till dinner time, when the pony and me were so tired that neither could scarcely stand. My limbs were so stiffened that they were obliged to lift me off and carry me into the house. That, how- ever, did not discourage me, for the following morning, having obtained leave, I again rode out, and continued to do so each day during the time we were in the country, which was nearly a month. I had learned to ride extremely well, and could go off without any fear, upon a beautiful canter ; in short, I never was more delighted with any amusement, than riding on horseback. My sister never expressed a wish to learn^ there- fore I had it all to myself ; but my father informed us it was now time to depart, and iu two days after we bid adieu, with much regret, to our country friends, not forgetting my dear little pony, I went out and pat- ted him upon the back, bade him good bye, and told him I would come again next summer.

We left AY. after dinner and slept at Ipswich, and the following mor- ning took stage for London, where we arrived at six o'clock in the even" ing. Our dear mother was rejoiced to see us, as she had been very lone- some during our absence, and the next day we had several visitors who called to welcome our return, with manv invitations to return the visits, but my father peremptorily forbid it, and said that we should not fre- quent such amusements any more, except upon particular occasions, as birth days, weddings, or some annual entertainment.

We now lived more retired, kept less company, and employed our. selves with needle work for the family, with which our mother supplied my sister and me in abundance ; we likewise took our station in the kitchen to oversee the domestics and learn how to cook, as she said it was highly necessary for us to know. Thus passed away the autumn and winter months.

We had written and received answers from America ; Valentine and his friend were well, and remained inseperable ; they both promised to repair to England, when they were a little older, but alas, poor boys, their wishes were never accomplished, and our dear mother never saw them more. Spring had now advanced to the middle of April, and na- ture began to display all her budding beauties, which we could easily discern in our little gardens at the front and back of the house, which

my sister and me took great pleasure in cultivating, but an interesting *3

•

22 the widow's offering.

event had taken place which occupied the most of our time, as a short time previous, our mother had presented us with a little brother, who was called Frederick Augustus ; he was a lovely babe, and had already become the pet and idol of the house. My father was wrapt up in him, and thought there never was his equal; he did not appear now to have any affection for the rest of his children, as he treated us with more se- verity than ever, and would scarcely allow us to go out anywhere, except to church, and found fault with everything we did ; we, however, took the advantage when he was absent, and frequently walked out. Our dear Frederick, unconscious of being the cause of any alteration in his fathers conduct to us, was always ready to spring into my arms, when- ever I came near him ; he was an interesting child, and I loved him with a sister's tenderest affection. My brother Edward was kept close at his studies, and my father was more severe with him, if possible, than with us ; he was not allowed the recreation which other boys were indulged in, but kept constantly at his books when at home as well as at school. He grew very indignant at such treatment, and often declared that as soon as he was old enough, he would run away and go to sea, but his father had other plans in view for him, as he was educating him for a shipping merchant or lawyer, but he vowed that he never would be either. My mother would often look at us with tearful eyes, and say, my dear children, you must do all that you can to help your father, as he is old and has a great deal of business to attend to, which makes him peevish and fretful, you must, therefore, make every allowance, and endeavor to oblige him without murmuring. We strove to do so, though much against our will, but he grew so outrageously ill natured, that it was im- possible to please him. She would frequently remonstrate with him, "that he was acting a wrong part'to wards his children, and that eventual- ly we should despise him. He said that he meant we should fear him, as well as love him. Fear him we certainly did, but as to loving him was out of the question ; we had been accustomed to such different treat- ment from our affectionate mother, that it was a difficult task to sub- mit to such tyranny from him. My sister and me but seldom made our appearauce when he was at home, as we hastily took our work, when we heard him coming, and retired into our own room, and would remain there until he went out agaiu ; we dreaded being in his company, as he was continually saying something to mortify and wound our feelings.— If we sometimes pronounced a word rather incorrect) he would say it was some of our Yankee slang, and at other times he would call us Yan- kee rebels ; in short, he would say anything that he thought would ex-

the widow's offering. 23

cite painful feelings, and it appeared as though he hated his own chil- dren, because we were American born. Frederick was the darliug; he was English born, and superior in his father's opinion, to all the rest. But God did not suffer such injustice to remain forever, as the sequel will show. My temper was naturally cheerful and buoyant, but I had now become melancholy and dejected, shut up like a nun in a cloister and debarred from all youthful society, I could not feel happy. It was not so with our brother Edward, for he was always full of his boyish frolics, and gambols, and would often cheer us, when our spirits were gunk to the lowest ebb, he would likewise take the opportunity when his father was absent, and go out to play, at the same time keeping a strict watch for him, when he should return, and as soon as he saw him would run round at the back of the house, climb up to one of the two story windows and enter, and appear closely engaged at his studies, when he arrived. He ofteu cheated his father in this way, but was al- ways ready with his tasks when called upon to recite them, he however, one day got nicely caught ; as soon as the way was clear he sailed forth as usual, with an old drum and some whistles, which he had picked up among his cast off playthings, and had collected a company of soldiers among his school fellows, and other boys, with whom (he as captain) was marching in battle array, with banners flying, (made of old pocket hand- kerchiefs, and strips of silk which we had given him for- that purpose) the drum beating and whistles playing, when lq, to his utter dismay, his father suddenly turned the corner, and poor Eddy had no time to retreat You rascal, he exclaimed, what are you doing here — did I not tell you to learn your tasks ? I have learnt them, sir, he replied. So you are marching your troops, ha ? now sir, march home, and since you have so much time, you shall have a double portion to study for the future, and shaking his cane over him, drove him along as a southern driver would have done his slave. My brother I believe, never forgot the mortifica- tion created in his bosom that day, by the tyrannical treatment of his father; had he been at home, he would not have minded it, but to be exposed before his companions, was more than his proud spirit could brook. He declaimed bitterly against his father, and it was as much as his mother and sisters could do to appease him, which we accomplished after many entreaties, but he vowed that he would not remain much longer under his control.

Two years had now rolled around, while things remained much in the same situation, during which I had made another visit into the country* rode my pony each favorable day while there, and enjoyed with great

24 the widow's offering.

delight, after so much confinement, all the beauties of nature. My aunt had likewise returned the visit, accompanied by a young lady of her acquaintance. My father was all courtesy and attention while his sister was in London, and escorted us to see many of the public buildings, such as the tower of Loudon, the Bank of England, the Royal Exchange, Westminister Abbey, the Palace, and many others too numerous to men- tion, and if any strangers saw him upon such occasions, they thought him one of the most affectionate parents in the world, but our friends knew better.

Our dear little Frederick was now upwards of two years old, and had grown a lovely child, and could prattle almost everything, in his broken infant tongue, and when he heard his father's rap at the door, and saw us preparing to leave the room, he would call out, run dais, run, papa is toming. and after he had gone out again, he would come up stairs aud tap at the door, aud say dais, you may tome down now, papa is done, in short, the dear little fellow contributed to cheer many a pensive hour. One great relief was, that my father being so much engaged with his shipping business, was seldom at home, excepting in the winter, when he was generally laid up with the rheumatic gout, at which time he was always so ill tempered that it was almost impossible to bear with him. My poor mother was almost worn to a skeleton, with grief and anxiety, during those seasons of his confinement.

A great many mercautile gentlemen would call apon business, sever- al of whom paid particular attention to me, and endeavored by their flattery to gain my affections ; they called me beautiful, they admired my light complexion, my rosy cheeks, my figure, and the auburn ring- lets which flowTed in profusion over my neck and shoulders (which was then the fashion) but all their blandishments availed nothing; they could make no impression upon this obdurate heart, as they termed it. — My affections were already placed upon one, who, in childhood I loved as a brother, but now with a different affection, and I felt that no tie could ever erase his image from my memory. They often invited me to go to the theatre and different places of amusement, but I always de- clined, as I well knew that even if I had an inclination to go, my father would not allow it. He could not bear to-see me speak to a young man or give them the least encouragement. He said that he would not have any of those blustering coxcombs about the house, except upon business, and that he had selected one for me, a husband who could buy and sell the whole of them. I found upon inquiring, that the gentleman he al- luded to, was a man old enough to be my grandfather, but very wealthy.

the widow's offering. 25

I had seen him frequently at our house, aud always thought that he came to see my father, and treated him with the respect due to an aged man, but had^io idea that his visits were intended for me, as he never hinted anything of the kind, but he had made pecuniary proposals to my fa- ther, which he agreed to, and at the same time gave his consent that I should have him, but when the proposals were made to me, I decidedly told my father that I would not have him. Well, miss, he said, if you do not tLink proper to have Mr. D., you shall never inherit a penny of my property. Very well, sir, I answered, I shall never ask you for any. Mr. D., he replied, is a gentleman, and possesses a princely fortune, and would settle a handsome annuity on you for life, exclusive of what he will leave you at his death. I cannot help it, sir, Mr. D. is too old a man for me, and were I to have him, I could never love him, and I am deter- mined never to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of filthy lucre. Well madam, he replied, as you make your bed, so you must lie. Thus en- ded our conversation, and with* it all the air built dreams of old Mr. D. My father after this treated me with much greater severity, and would not allow me to look or speak to a young man, if he knew it, aud when any such were at the house, I was not permitted to remain in their com- pany, which I must confess, was a great mortification, as of late I had heard so much flattery, that it created a great deal of vanity in this thoughtless heart. I had hitherto been much dissatisfied with my ap- pearance, as I was rather inclined to be fleshy, I thought I had too much color, and wished to be pale and thin like my sister,.and instead of being grateful to God for the healthy constitution he had given me, I used every means to destroy it ; I drank strong tea without sugar or milk, I eat chalk, drank vinegar, and in short, anything that I thought would lessen my healthful appearance ; but since vanity (the effects of so much flattery) had taken possession of my heart, I began to think differently, and really fancied that all they had told me was true. Oh, vanity, how frequent dost thou reign predominant in the youthful female bosom, and how prone is she to listen with delight to the flattering insinuations of man, till lured on from step to step in folly, which oftentimes terminates in her utter destruction. But the Lord was about to punish me, and to put a check upon that most dangerous foible, and likewise, to lay his rod of affliction upon us all. I was shortly after this taken suddenly ill, with a distressing pain in my side which increased to such a degree that I could not breathe without groaning aloud ; the doctor was seut for and pronounced it the pleurisy. I remained all that day and night, and the next day, in the greatest distress, and prayed fervently to God,

26 the widow's offering.

and made a vow, that if He would again restore me to health, I would hereafter serve him all the days of my life. He heard my prayer, and in mercy answered it ; for in a few days after, the fever began to abate and the pain to subside, after which, I slowly recovered, and at the ex- piration of a month, could walk about the house. This sickness made a deep impression upon my mind, and likewise the vow that I had made to God, under its influence, which was irrevocable, and could not be recall- ed ; I -felt that there was an awful responsibility resting upon me, and knew that it must be a check to my future conduct, through life, but O, how unfaithfully have I performed that vow, as this narrative will show. My father appeared much interested during my illuess, and showed more affection than he had ever done before, but as soon as I became better, his stern treatment was the same as usual, to all excepting the darling little Frederick, in whom, all his affections were centered, but the Lord would not allow such a distinction to be made between his children, and his chastening hand was "already upraised to strike the death blow, to all his happiness. My little brother was then about four years old, a lovely and interesting child, at which time, and about a fort- night after my recovery, he was taken down with the measles, and was doing extremely well, till the doctor ordered him to be removed to a cool- er part of the house, the consequeuce of which, struck the disorder in- ward, and in fourteen days terminated his life. The scene which fol- fowed is almost beyond description ; my poor mother clung to the re- mains of her child in frantic grief, and would not be separated. My fa- ther sobbed aloud, and hung down his head iu speechless sorrow, while my own heart was torn with the bitterest anguish, and I wept tears of pity for the sorrows of my bereaved pareuts, for the hand of God had touched them. But this was not all our afflictions, as mv brother Edward, and sister had both taken the measles of our departed little brother, and were confined to their beds, two days before his death. — The corpse was taken into their rooms, for them to pay a last farewell , on which they burst into a flood of tears, and kissed its clay cold lips, while they inveighed bitterly against the doctor, and insisted upon it, that he had killed their little brother, and desired us not to inform him they were sick, as they would not allow him to come near them. We remonstrated with them that it was necessary to have a doctor, but they would not listen to it, and said they would have no other doctor or nurse but their mother and me. She therefore, ordered all the windows and doors to be kept closed, and nothing but warm drinks and light nourishment to be given to them, after which, the remains of our lament-

THE

widow's offering. 27

ed little brother was conveyed back to her own room, where she would sit and weep over it from morning till night. The coffin was placed by the side of her bed, where it remained uutil the morning of his funeral. She and my father followed as chief mourners, b;:t I could not be spar- ed, I could only look out of the window and weep. I followed the pro- cession of carriages with my eyes, till I could no longer discover the nodding white plumes upon the horses' heads, nor those of the hearse. (White feathers are used upon those solemn occasions for unmarried youths or children, as emblems of innocence.)' I then returned with an aching heart, to the sick chamber of my brother and sister, whom I found in tears, in short, they were almost blind from the effects of the disorder, and incessant weeping. My mother returned from the funeral extremely ill, and was obliged to be conducted to her own room, where our lamented little Frederick had been kept three days after his death, during which time she never closed her eves, and wearied nature be- came entirely exhausted. The whole care of my brother and sister now developed upon me, I attended assiduously upon them, and executed all my mothers orders with exactness ; the doctor had called several times to visit my mother, and passed the door where they lay, but did not know that any one there was sick ; he often inquired after them, but we always gave him some evasive answer. The disorder continued to rage, accompanied with a violent fever, for about nine days, when it be- gan to subside, and in a short time, disappeared altogether, excepting their eyes, which remained in such a weak state for a month after, that they could not bear the -light.

Our family was again restored to better health, but not to happiness, for one of our idols was taken, for which we incessently mourned ; my father was sullen, stern, and morose, which threw a gloom on all around, but we endeavored to bear it with fortitude and resignation.

We had now been upwards of five years in England, and had receiv- ed letters several times from our friends in America ; the last from my brother, stated that he was established in business, had met with great encouragement, and was doing extremely well, and Mr.C.'s to my moth- er, stated that he was coming the ensuing year to claim her promise, but she wrote him in answer, not to attempt it, as my father's doors would be closed against him, and that he had forbid my corresponding with him any longer, as he never meant that I should have him, that he must wait patiently God's appointed time for the accomplishment of his wishes, and look forward to brighter and happier days.

I was now deprived of the greatest happiness I had of late enjoyed,

28 the widow's offering

in that of writing aud receiving answers from the beloved youth of my earliest years, and I knew what a disappointment it would be to him also, which made me still more miserable, but there was no alternative and Ijwas obliged to submit. My father had already disposed of two vessels, ana intended selling the others as fast as they arrived, which we seriously dreaded, as we knew the chief of his time would then be spent at home.

Edward had grown a handsome comely youth, his cheeks were like the blooming rose, aud his countenance fair aud manly, his hair the color of my o.vn; he had nearly completed his education, at which time he still persisted in it, that he would follow the sea, and I looked forward to that event with deep felt sorrow, as I well knew what would be my feelings upon such a separation ; my mother frequently spoke to my father upon the subject, and told him that it would be of no use trying to prevent him, as he was firmly bent upon going, which he afterwards found to be the case, and accordingly bought him some nautical books, which he was to study the remainder of his term ; after tLat time was expired, his father apprenticed him to a merchant of his acquaintance, in the whale fishery, aud selected a captain in the firm, for him, who we all knew to be a very fine man, as we were well acquainted with him and his family. He was to go the first voyage, as steward, and afterwards to be promoted according to his abilities, and during his leisure hours, captain B. promised to instruct him in navigation. After these arrange- ments, we were busily employed in making him clothes for the voyage, while each garment was wet with our tears.

At length the dreaded hour arrived, which was to separate us from the last beloved son and brother. He came in all cheerfulness ; welb girls, he said, I must bid you farewell — the ship sails in an hour. Oh> my dear Edward, I sobbed, we shall never see you again. O, yes you will, he replied, we shall only be gone twelve or fifteen months, and I shall write to you from every port, aud give you a description of them all, and you must likewise write by every opportunity — and now dear mother and Bisters, dry up your tears, the time will soon pass away, when we shall all meet again. May God watch over and protect my precious boy, and return you again, she said, aud let me entreat you to be obedient to your captain aud officers, aud endeavor to gain the love of the whole ship's crew. I will try, he said, to be all that you wish me to be. He then embraced each oue of us, brushed the tears from his eyes, said good bye, aud darted out of the room. My father went down with his chest and was on board to receive him ; he accompanied the

the widow's offering. 29

ship as far as she was piloted, and returned with them in the evening. The day had been spent with us, in tears and sadness ; I felt as though I was now bereft of every comfort — ooe dear brother was separated by the Atlantic Ocean, another had been recently followed to the silent grave, and the third, the idolized brother of my heart, was upon the boisterous deep — who now,, thought I, will cheer the unhappy hours, which he has so often done; alas, I looked around in my miud among the circle of our acquaintance, but could discover none, and there was no alternative but to bear in silence our captive state.

My brother had been gone about a week, when I received a letter from the Downs ; he wrote in high spirits, that they had a delightful passage so far, and was well pleased with his captain and officers, who were extremely kind to him ; he bade us not to grieve for his absence, as in a few months he would return again to the arms of his beloved bisters: this contributed greatly to our happiness, for as long as we knew that he was contented, we endeavored to be reconciled.

My father was now much more at home than formerly, as he had less business to attend to abroad, having sold all his vessels but one, in the Mediterranean trade, which he kept for his own amusement ; we conse- quently did not enjoy so much of our mother's society, as we avoided his presence as much as possible. He began now to show more affec- tion for my sister than me, not that he loved her any better, but he thought it would mortify me ; I had disappointed him in his most san- guine expectations, in refusing to marry an old rich dotard of his choice, which, in his estimation, was an unpardonable crime ; but it was no mortification to me, as we both knew his motive. I had always been dutiful and obedient, iu every other respect, but, in the choice of a hus- band, I was resolved not to be controlled ; I respected him as a father, but as to loving him with the tender affection I had for my mother was an impossibility, I, therefore, contented mys ;lf with bearing in silence what was allotted me, and looked forward to happier days.

I had received an invitation from my aunt, a short time before my brother's departure, to make her a visit as soon as he was gone, which I now thankfully accepted, and again repaired to the country, but with different feelings from those of my former visits ; I was dressed in the deep habiliments of mourning for a beloved young brother, and had just parted from another; my heart felt sorrowful and dejected, and on my arrival, instead of greeting my aunt with a smile as I usually did, I burst into a flood of tears ; she did all she could to comfort and console me, but my spirits were so depressed, that nothing afforded me comfort. 4

30 the widow's offering.

After tea several young people called to see me, and likewise to com- municate that the great Daniel Lambert was in the vicinity of Ipswich, and would be exhibited at that place on the morrow ; they said they were all going, and invited me to accompany them, but I felt no incli- nation to make one of the party ; my aunt, however, promised them I should go, in order to divert my melancholy. The chaise was accord* ingly prepared on the following morning, while several others appeared at the door ; two young ladies, myself and their brother, rode in the aforesaid carriage, and the rest followed in the rear. Joy and hilarity was depicte^j^n every countenance but mine, nor could all their rail- lery and cheerfulness produce one solitary smile.

At length we arrived at Ipswich, and went immediately to view the wonderful giant ; he was seated upon two large chairs, the fronts of which were placed together and a piece of board fastened across, and cushioned ; his arms were resting upoa the back of each, which were low and wadded and his foot upon "a cusbioft. He bowed politely as we entered, and extended his hand, which appeared more like a ball than a hand, as the fat had actually grown over his finger ends, and we could not discern a nail or scarcely a finger, and his feet were the same, which appeared like a solid lump of fat, his arms were about the size of a stout woman's waist, and his legs that of a mau's body, and his own body, as near as I can remember, was about the size of a flour barrel, but his head and face was no larger than that of a common size mam which was fair and handsome. He was courteous in his manners, and answered every question which was asked him, with the utmost polite- ness— in short, he appeared to be the polished gentleman; his age Was upwards of thirty, and he said that it was only about rise years since he had began to grow so fat. We were told that he had been very much involved in debt, and had no means of satisfying his creditors, but after growing to such an enormous size, his friends persuaded him to be exhibited, which he consented to, and thereby gained sufficient to pay off all debts, besides a handsome property for himself, which, how- ever, he did not live to enjoy, as he died suddenly, about three week af- ter we had been to see him. The doctor said his sudden death was eaused by suffocation, from the mass of fat collected about his lungs and throat.

After spending a few hours in calling upon friends in Ipswich, we returned — the party being highly elated with the day's amusement, but as to myself. I felt but little interest or gratification in what I had seen, for sadness had taken possession of my heart, which blighted

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 31

every enjoyment. My aunt was angry, and rebuked me sharply for in- dulging such melancholy feelings, which I could not avoid, and the tears started to my eyes , I took it unkindly of her, as at that time I could but ill bear a reproof; she, however, afterwards endeavored to sooth me, and said that I must go in the morning and take a ride on my favorite pony, which had grown to the size of a large horse, but was the same gentle creature as ever. I accordingly the following morning, mounted my horse, and bent my way to the sea shore, where I enjoyed a solitary ride for three or four miles along the shore ; my eyes were constantly fixed to the ocean, and 0, thought I, if I had wings, how soon would I skim across the Atlantic and visit that dear brother and friend, whom I fear I shall never behold again ; in such like reveries I indulged till I had nearly reached home, when I strove to put on a more cheerful countenance, as I knew it would be agreeable to my aunt ; my ride had given me a better appetite than I had had since my ar- rival, and for the first time, made a hearty meal. After dinner I took the bible and went into another room, and read for a considerable time, wherein I found many comforting passages, applicable to my own situa- tion, which afforded me great consolation ; I felt more resigned and cheerful, on again mingling with the family. On the following sabbath we attended divine worship, and heard our much respected Mr. W. de- liver a sermon — the text I have forgotten, but the subject, is faithfully remembered. He pictured the depravity of my own heart in its true light, of the pride and vanity that was nourished there, of making idols and worshiping them, of broken vows, and our ingratitude to God for the thousands of mercies He had bestowed upon us through life. I saw my own deformity, and returned home completely humbled in the sight of God, after which I prayed fervently, that he would search my sin- ful heart and root out all the evil impressions that were lurking there, and enable me to feel more reconciled to my fate.

I continued in the country a month, during which, nothing particular occurred, except the Ipswich races, which they compelled me to attend, much against my inclination, and I went more to gratify others than myself. When we arrived upon the ground, there was a great assem- blage of spectators and carriages, to the amount of several thousands, among whom were lords and ladies, dukes and duchesses, and fashiona- bles of every description, The horses, which were six in number, shortly after made their appearance, with their riders, who were elegantly dressed in blue and green silk jackets, white pantaloons, white silk vests, silk stockings and black morocco pumps, and a silk riding cap,-^

32 the widow's offering.

They were all handsome young men, and to appearance, not over twenty; and mounted upon six as beautiful horses as I had ever seen, they set off with the greatest velocity, and went round the course (which was a mile in circumference) as fleet as the wind, which they accomplished in a very few minutes. They repeated the race sev- eral times after, but which of them won the prize I cannot tell, as I have forgotten the names — suffice it to say, that many thousands of pounds sterling were lost and won on that day — 0, what folly and madness, to squander away thus the bounties of Heaven, an gambling and dis- sipation, while so many of their suffering fellow creatures arc wander- ing about the streets of the great metropolis, half starved and naked, and what an account will such characters, have to render up to God for their stewardship, at the judgment seat of Christ — may the Lord have mercy upon their souls.

As soon as the company began to disperse, we returned home ; all were in high spirits, and greatly delighted with what they had seen, but for my part, I would much rather have been taking a solitary ride upon my horse, and I was thankful when I reached home, and once more seated hi the old fashioned arm chair.

After passing a month with my country friends, I returned again to London, where I found all things much as \isual ; my sister informed . me that after my departure, her father altered his conduct, and treated her with the same rigor as formerly; in short, our life became so irk- some, that she declared she would take the first man that offered to have her. Several weeks after this, I was standing one day at the front parlor window with my needle work, when a gentlemau passing, gazed at me for a moment, and made a full stop ; I thought at first, it was one of those who had been in the habit of calling upon my father, but could not recollect that I had ever seen him before ; I immediate- ly left the window, but after seeing him pass, I resumed my former station. I had not been there many moments, when he again stood be- fore me and bowed, I thought him very imprudent, and precipitately left the room, and informed my mother; she said that she supposed it was some gentleman who had fallen in love with me, and that 1 must avoid being seen by him, as she did not admire so much freedom in a stranger. He was a handsome, portly young man, with a fair and flor- id complexion, and light hair. It now being afternoon, my father took his usual walk (which he generally did every day) to the Royal Ex- change. He had not been gone above half an hour, when there Avas a loud rapping at the door, which the servent opened, when Mr. N., a

the widow's offering. 33

gentleman of our acquaintance, entered, and with him, the identical gentleman who bad passed the house so often in the morning ; he in- troduced him as Captain E., an acquaintance of his, on which he bowed politely to us all, and fixed his eyes intently upon me. My face and neck were instantly suffused with a burning glow. Mr. K and my mother took lead of the conversation, in which the bold captain un- dauntedly joined, and my sister and me spoke not a word. Mr. N. was a young man, highly esteemed by my father, and consequently a great fav< >rite ; he would frequently come in and sit for an hour or two with the old gentleman, to hear him converse about different countries, which he always listened to with much interest ; he knew all his eccentricities and strict conduct towards us, of which he had informed the captain. — He told me the next day, that Capt. E., on seeing me at the window was deeply smitten, and inquired anxiously, who I was, he told him that I was a daughter of Captain Freeman, and from his description, knew it to be me, after which, he gave him (Mr. N.) no peace, until he promised to introduce him, and after he knew that my father had gone out, he accompanied him to the house. I sat trembling during 4bc time they were there, fearing my father would return, as I well knew if he did, that the stranger would be insulted, aud we should be the suffer- ers. I directed my eyes to Mr. N. and then to the door, he understood me, and immediately after arose to depart ; the Captain, walked up to the sofa, where I was sitting, and said, Miss Freeman, I must apologise for my presumptuous conduct of this morning, as on passing your house, I beheld you at the window, and rudely stopped to gaze at you, but I was unconscious of doing so, as on seeing you, I become riveted to the spot, until you abruptly walked away, which aroused me from my leth- argy, I went but a short distance, when I returned and saw you again. I again looked and bowed, on which you immediately left the room, and as I supposed, in anger. I then felt my own presumption, and knew that I had been acting Avrong, and have now come to erave your par- don,— will you forgive me ? Yes, sir, I answered, I will freely forgive you if you will promise never to be guilty of such conduct again, and never trouble me any more. The first part of your request, upon the honor of a gentleman, I will strictly adhere to, but the second, pardon me, I cannot promise, as with your permission I shall sometimes do myself the pleasure of callii ig. That permission, sir, is not in my pow- er to grant, you must go to my father for that. He then asked my mother if she would allow him, occasionally to call. She made him no

reply, but bowed in acquiescence ; that was enough, he was not so easi-

4*

3-i THE "WIDOW'S OFFERING.

ly to be daunted They then made their obeisance and left the house; alter they were gone I picked up :i glove belonging to the captain, "which I presume he had purposely left, as on the following day he call- ed for it, "wh<n pay lather was at home, my mother introduced him as Captain E., of the ship Atlam. O, he is, ha, was the reply, while he fix- ed his eves upon him with a parage Look. I felt as though I should sink into the earth, but E. took no notice of it, and conversed cheerfully with my mother, upon indifferent subjects, and when he addressed my father, he was merely answered with a monosyllable of yes or no; he remained but a short time, and taking his hat, bid us good morning. — My sister and me accompanied him to the door, when he exclaimed, O. ladies, how 1 pity you, I perceive it is all true that X. has told me, but you must keep a good heart — it is a long road that has no turn. He then took my hand and pressed it to his lips, Which I hastily withdrew, and closed the door.

We had scarcely entered the parlor, when my father asked in anger what that fellow wanted there. I told him he had called for fade glove, which hu had accidentally ltft here, at the time Mr. X. had introduced him. 0, yes, he said, it was no accident, he had left it purposely, that he might have an excuse to call. I told him that I knew nothing about liim, excepting what Mr X. had told us, that he was a very nice young man, and an old acquaintance of his. He said that X. made himself very officious in introducing fellows there, and that he would not allow any danglers about bis house. Thus ended our discourse for that time, and taking my work, I walked up stairs and mv sister followed shortly after; we heard our mother talking sharply to him, but she could make no more impression upon his hardened feeling, than the adamantine rock ; we, however, made up our minds that we would not be kept in such bondage much longer, and my sister said if no other offered, she would take her old widower; now this widower was a neighbor of ours, and would often come in the same as Mr. X., and talk with my lather; he had a good property, and an unblemished character, but was old enough to be her father, he however, Was a good looking man. with a youthful appearance; he had taken a great fancy to Sarah, and of late had shewed her marked attention, of which my father was entirely it,'- nt. as had he have known it, he would no doubt have forbidden him the house.

Captain EL took advantage each day of my father's absence, and made his calls ; he now became a constant visitor, and made a formal profession of love; lie said that I had made a dee}) impression upon his

the widow's offering. 35

heart, and he should never enjoy a moment's comfort, until I would give him some encouragement. I told him, that was an impossibility as I was already engaged to an American gentleman. Pardon me, Miss F., there is an exception in that engagement, I know the story of your first love, and your promise to that envied young man, but it was to be with the consent of your pareuts, your father you know, has never giv- en his eonsent, nor never will, therefore, you are exempt from that promise. Yes, sir, I answered, but I still hold it sacred, notwithstand- ing, and another thing, I love him better than any one else. And I dear girl love you better than any one else, although there is at this time, one who has the same affection for me, as I have for you. Then marry her, sir, I replied. I cannot, he said, as I have no affection fur her; Miss B. is a lovely, and amiable girl, and I feel a brotherly affec- tion towards her, but no further. I felt indignant and something like jealousy arising in my bosom, on hearing there was a rival in question, and arose to leave the room, but he caught my hand, and said, dear Miss F., I hope you are not offended at my conduct. O, no, I replied, you are nothing to me, nor I to you, therefore, your concerns cannot af- fect me to anger. Cruel girl, he answered, and yet you are angry, how can I atone for my misdemeanor ? By leaving the house immedi- ately, was my reply, and never entering it again ; upon which I left the room. He remained some time after, conversing with my mother, and finally asked her consent of me in marriage. She told him she had no objection if I had none, but that she should never control her daugh- ters, in the choice of a husband, and another thing, he would have to obtain the consent of my father. He said that would trouble him but little as long as he had hers.

My mind was in the utmost perturbation during that day and night, the lovely Miss B. was continually before my eyes, and I thought he was only insulting me, by making advances, when he was beloved by her. I then thought of the esteemed object of my chilcftiooal years, ami what would be his feeliugs if I should be allied to another, and again of the unhappy life I led at home, and the probability of being kept a prisoner for life. Thus was I harrassed by contending emotions, insomuch that I scarcely closed my eyes during that night.

On the following day Captain E. called again ; he made a cool formal bow, and fixed his inquiring eyes upon me, and then seated himself be- side me, he asked me if I was still angry with him, I told him I was not aware of having been angry ; he then asked if he could have a few moment's private conversation with me, upon which my mother and

36 the widow's offering.

sister r<>se and left the room, we were alone for the first time; he then in a respectful manner, inquired whether my mother had apprised me of their conversation on the preceding day, I told him she had. Well, he said, dear Miss F., may I flatter myself with my hopes. I told him that I had n«>t given it a moment's consideration. He said that he wished me to he candid, and added, I will also ask yon in candor whether yon will consent t<» be mine. I am now upon the point of sail- ing, and in a few days shall leave England for the Mediterranean, and must have a decisive answer before that time; your mother has given her consent, provided that you and yonr father are agreeahle t<> it, hut as to his consent, it is of hut little consequence — I will manage that — as to your American lover, yon well know that he will never consent to your having him ; n >w, as that is the case, you surely would not wish to remain in bondage all your life. Why, if I was married, I replied, I should still he in bondage. Yes, dear girl, but those would be the fet- ters of love, you would then have a husband who adores you, and would shield you from the angry frowns of a rigid father, and be your protector through life, and you would then be your owu mistress, and no one t< > control you. Ah, sir, I replied, these are fine stories you are telling me, much the same, perhaps, as those of my father, when he was trying to lure away my unhappy mother from the object of her first and only affection. You wrong me Miss F., he replied, I would not be guilty of such base conduct for my right baud, it was very dif- ferent with your mother, she had a comfortable and a happy home, her lover was near, and expected to return in a few days, when there would have been no impediment in the way, to have prevented her having him ; your father took the advantage of that time, and basely undern lined him, but in your case it is altogether the reverse — your lov- er resides on the other side of the Atlantic, and your father's doors are shut against him forever, consequently, there is no probability of your ever having him, even if you Were to remain single; if there was, I should not presume to make any further advances, and now dear Miss Freeman, I must leave you, as business calls me away, to morrow I shall expect a final answer.

After he was g'lie, I could no longer command my feelings, and burst into tears, in which state my mother found me on entering the room. She inquired what it was thai made me so unhappy. I told her that my mind was torn with a thousand contending emotions, and I should never be happy again; I then informed her of my conversation with Captain E., and that he required a positive answer the ensuing day

the widow's offering. 37

and requested her to advise me what was best for me to do. My dear child, she replied, it is my earnest desire to see you happily settled, as there is but little comfort for any of us in your father's house, and if you think you can love Captain E; well enough for a husband, I would ad- vise you to have him, but if you do not, then tell him candidly, that you

cannot comply with his wishes. As. to your ever having Mr. C r, is a

thing impossible, during your father's life, and it may be many years before such a change takes place, perhaps I may be taken first, and then to see you about to be left, unprotected, upon an unfriendly world, would imbitter the last moments of my life. It is enough, dear mother, I will have Captain E., if nothing happens to prevent. After having made up my mind, I became more reconciled, and when he came the next day for an answer, I told him that I would agree to his proposal, with this exception, that in case I should hear anything flattering from Mr. C, which would lead to a speedy alliance with him, or even a remote one, I must consider myself exempted from any engagement with him» (Captain E.) Dearest Eliza, he said, I will agree to any proposal, excepting that of being entirely discarded by you, and should anything occur in regard to your American friend, as you have intimated, I should of course be under the disagreeable necessity of giving up the point, he having a prior claim, but I do not apprehend any such danger, and there- fore, consider you already mine. But I, however, thought differently, as I flattered myself that during his absence, something might occur to favor my wishes ; I was, however, mistaken, and little did I think that the business was so soon to be concluded in his favor.

My father had been for some time extremely busy, in fitting out one of his vessels for a Mediterranean voyage, which was nearly ready for sea, when he, having no captain for her, concluded to take the command himself. Captain E. was apprised of it, and urged his suit more closely than ever ; he said that my father would sail much sooner than him, as he was disappointed in some of his freight, which would detain him three or four weeks longer, which would be a most favorable opportu" nity for us to be united. I told him I could not think of such a thing, un- til he returned. Cruel girl, he replied, how can you talk so inconsistent we never shall have such another opportunity, and were you to wait, your father would never allow you to have me, or any other man, then why will you be so obdurate. He reasoned in this manner for a considera- ble time, when I was finally obliged to consent to his wishes ; he then requested me to have all things prepared, that there might be no deten- tion after my father's departure. Milliners and dressmakers were ac-

THE WIDOW S OFFERING.

cordingly employed, to prepare the wedding garments for my Bister and myself, as she w;is to be the bridesmaid, and all things were ready

by the time my father sailed, which took place the following week, and in a few days after Captain E. led me to the altar, where I gave him my hand in marriage. The ceremony was performed by the Rev. Mr Far- rington, of St. George's Church, Middlesex, after which, he recorded our marriage upon the church books, and gave me a certificate of the same. I forgot to notice one little incident, which took place while there; our wedding drove up the church door in carriages, and entered a short time before the clergyman arrived, on which, we all went into the vestry, where there was hanging a long surpliee, or robe, which the Episcopa- lian ministers wear during divine service, Captain W n. who was

our groomsman, a gay and cheerful young man, took down the robe and dressed himself in it, after which, he went to a closet and took out a decanter of water, drank our health, and was just placing it to his mouth, when lo, the minister stood before him. The company was so much amused with W.'s appearance, that we did not observe the rever- end gentleman until he was in the midst of us. He smiled and b< >wed to the captain, and "said that the church gown wTould become him ex- tremely well. Poor W. looked foolish enough, he set down his bottle in haste, and began te divest himself of the sacred garment, when the clergyman requested to assist him, which he accordingly did, and placed it upon his own shoulders. We then proceeded to the alter, while risibility was depicted on every countenance.

After the ceremony was performed, which was about ten o'clock in the morning, we rcascended the carriages, and drove away to Camber- well grove, a beautiful place about four or five miles distance from Lon- don, where we continued amusing ourselves, till nearly four o'clock, which was the dinner hour, when we returned and partook of a sumptu- ous repast. Our dinner party was small, which consisted of only twelve in number, but in the evening, as many more were added, Captain Wil- son (our groomsman) had on that day become deeply enamoured with my sister, and proceeded to pay her particular attention, but it was too late, as she had already given her promise to the widower. My mother and me regretted very much that she had been so precipitate, as the Captain's age was more suitable to her own, he being but twenty -two and the other forty. Wilson tried to gain the mastery, but Mr. Knight kept his seat near my sister, and they looked swords and daggers at each other; but with those who were disinterested, the evening passed off with joy and hilarity, and at three o'clock in the morning the com*

the widow's offering. 39

pany dispersed. The following day, most part of the company assem- bled again, and in short, there was a continual crowd for a week after, during which Captain E. had been but once on board of his ship ; he now had to make up for lost time, and all was hurry and confusion in preparing for the voyage. It was his intention to have taken me with him the first voyage after our marriage, had my father been at home, but his going away unexpectedly, he thought it would be best to see him first and brave the storm which he would have to encounter with him alone. He remained at home a fortnight longer, and then bid us farewell; and now, dearest Eliza, he said, you must make yourself as happy as you can during my absence, which will only be about six months, when, if nothing happens to prevent, I shall return again to the arms of my lovely wife, not to be separated so soon hereafter, as you must remember, that the next voyage you are to accompany me. I shall write and give you an account of my interview with your father, and likewise at every opportunity, and you must do the same, after which he bid us an hasty adieu, and left us. He had made arrangements for me to remain with my mother during his absence, as he thought it would be more pleasant for us all ; my sister, however, was soon to be separated, as she had promised to give her hand in marriage to Mr. K., in a month from the day of my wedding, which was to take place on the following week, and we were all again busily employed preparing for the occasion, and nearly the same company were invited, excepting captain W., who of course was not admitted, and on the appointed day we repaired again to St. George's church, where she was united in the bonds of marriage, after which we returned home, and spent the day and evening in a more rational manner than we did a month previous, on a similar occasion, and in a few days after Mr. K. conducted his wife home, as he had not given up housekeeping since the death of his first wife, which was about two years.

Our family was now reduced to three, my mother, myself, and the servant ; ah, I thought, what changes have taken place within two short years, one beloved brother upon the wide ocean, another laid in the si- lent grave, my father in a distant land, and his two daughters married. I would then ask myself, if those changes had produced any happy effects, but the melancholy response would be, alas, none ; I felt more like a mourning bride than the happy wife, I knew I had given my hand to a man, by whom I was tenderly beloved, but it was not reciprocal, for my heart belonged to another, and my conscience was hourly upbraiding me for what I had done , I loved Captain E. as a friend or a brother,

40 the "widow's offering

and sufficient to do my duty by him as a faithful wife, but at the same time there was an aching void in my heart which I could not overcome. After our wedding visits were returned, I secluded myself from al- most all society, *as I felt a melancholy luxury in being alone. Many of our fashionable acquaintances, who had abandoned the house while my father was at home, now called to congratulate me upon my recent change, and to invite me to mingle again in the gay scenes which I had so long deserted, but I felt no inclination to do so, and therefore excused .- myself by saying that I had a great deal of needle work on hand, for our absent friends, which must be accomplished before their return, which indeed was the case, as we had linen to make up for my father, my husband and brother. The latter, -we had received letters from about the time of my marriage, who informed us that he expected to be home in about five months, he likewise gave a description of Botany Bay, St. Helena and other places where they put in at, he also gave an, account of several beautiful female convicts, on board of their ship, who' were transported to the first mentioned place, for petty crimes they had committed. He said he was much pleased with his voyage, and still continued in favor with his captain and crew ; he bade us Wl good girls and keep up our spirits till his return, when he would make us all cheerful and happy again. This letter, which had scarcely been read during the hurry and confusion of the weddings, now afforded us a great deal of comfort, and we looked forward to his arrival with joy and glad- ness.

We now spent our days in solitude and retirement, aud in talking over the events of our past life, and looking forward in doubtful expec- tation, of what was to follow ; three months had glided away much in the same manner, when I received a letter from my husband, dated at Malta, he informed me that he had an interview with my father, which terminated better than he expected ; he at first, met him in the street, but as he Was in company with a gentleman, he merely bowed to him, which he returned with a chilling coolness, bat that, he added, did not intimidate me, for I afterwards went on board of his vessel and introdu- ced myself as his son, on which he raised his cane in a menacing pos- ture over my head, and said, by whose authority, sir, did you give your- self the appellation of my son. Your daughter, sir/I answered, aud her mother. And how dire you have the impudence to marry my daugh- ter without my couseut. Because, I replied, I knew if I waited for your consent I should never marry her. You are a conniving puppy, he said, and she a disobedient hussy. You may call me what you think

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 41

proper, but I will not bear tbe name of my wife insulted, no, not even by her father. Your wife, said he with a sneer, and pray, who are you ? I don't know you. I will tell you then, I answered, I am the son of Thomas E. a master of the British Navy, who has sailed for several years with Admiral Sir Sydney Smith, I was likewise seven years on board of the same ship, in the station of midshipman, and was passed on the books for a lieutenant the first vacancy, but disliking the con- finement of the navy, I left it for the merchant service, where I have been as commander for the last four years ; my connections are highly respectable, and many of them wealthy, from whom, I do not expect to derive any benefit, as I shall never humble myself to any of them for the sake of money. Now, sir, you know who I am and what I am, and if you wish for anything further, I will introduce you to Sir Sydney Smith, the first opportunity after our arrival in England, if he is in port, and he will give you my character. Well, sir, he replied, you have married my daughter without my consent, and I will disinherit her for her disobedience. Be it so, I answered, we shall never ask you for any- thing, she is my wife, and you cannot alter it, and as such I shall main- tain her, and protect her too, with the last drop of my blood ; and with that I hastily left the vessel. The next morning, he added, while busily engaged on board of my own ship, I saw your father and a gentleman of my acquaintance, walking towards the vessel, when, to 'my astonish- ment they came on board, on which I invited them into the cabin, and ordered a bottle of wine; the old gentleman at first appeared very haughty, but after taking a couple of glasses, he entered more freely into conversation, upon which, my friend touched upon the event of our marriage. Yes, he replied, this artful young dog has taken my daugh- ter without my liberty, and I can never forgive him. O, yes you must, replied the other, you cannot alter what is done, and why would you make your children unhappy, by continuing at variance with them > come now Captain F., you must make it up this morning before we separate. Well, well, said your father, here is my hand, but remember you must treat my girl kindly, or I will cane you. It is my intention to do so, I replied, I love her too well to treat her otherwise, after which we finished our wine, and all went on shore together, and since that time, we have continued almost inseparable. And now my beloved, he added, you may expect to meet your father in friendship instead of anger ; we shall both return by the same convoy, which will be in about three months after the receipt of your letter, he then finished 5

42 the widow's offering.

with the poet — your image is continually before my eyes, and every plank bears your sweet name on the deck.

I had written to my husband an account of my sister's marriage, which he had not received when he wrote to me, I likewise wrote to my brother Valentine in America, the same account, of myself and sis- ter, while my heart throbbed at the thoughts of poor Mr. C, and of what would be his feelings upon the occasion, but I dared not to indulge such thoughts, I now belonged to another, and had no right to bestow one up- on him, yet I was oltentimes surprised with the starting tear, or smoth- ered sigh, which I immediately checked, and would endeavor to appear cheerful in the presence of my mother. In this state of mind, and a diligent application to my needle and music, I passed the intervening hours till the arrival of my husband and father, the latter was extreme- ly harsh with me at first, and reproached me severely, for my undutiful conduct, which I a knowledged with penitence, and begged his forgive- ness, after which, he treated me with more kindness than he had done since our arrival in Eugland. My sister had likewise a similar storm to encounter, with myself, but she did not mind it, as she said that she had now a home of her own, and a husband to protect her, and that her days should no longer be embittered by the ill humor of her father ; Mr. K. came frequently to the house, and through his and my mother's per- suasions, he at length became reconciled, and made his daughter a visit.

Our house now began again to be ruu down with visitors, many of my female friends called to congratulate me, on the arrival of my husband, and numbers of gentlemen were daily invited by him, to dinner or sup- per, which made a great deal of trouble and confusion, and I soon dis- covered, with grief, that he was never better pleased, than when sur- rounded with a house full of company ; after he had been at home about a month, I was one day looking anxiously from the window, for his re- turn to dinner, when he entered the gate, accompanied by a tall hand- gome looking young man; I felt vexed, as I thought he had brought com- pany home to dinner when I was unprepared. I went to the door, being the nearest, and on opening it, I was in a moment encircled in the arms of my beloved brother ; we went into the parlor and seated ourselves upon the sofa, where I wept tears of gratitude and joy for his safe re- turn. I gazed upon his beautiful countenance with wonder and admira- tion ; his looks were so altered and improved, that I did not know him, he had grown to the full stature of manhood — tall and handsomely pro- portioned, with cheeks like the blooming rose. So, my dear sister, he said, you have thrown off your shackles, and become your own mistress,

the widow's offering. 43

ha, — well I am glad of it, for you have been in bondage long enough — you cheated the old gentleman nicely when he was away, but, he ad- ded, fixing his eyes intently upon Captain E., I hope you have got a clever fellow for your husband, who will use you well, as you must re- member my good brother, that this is a dearly beloved sister of mine, and if you treat her otherwise, I will certainly be the death of you. — Rest yourself contented my dear fellow, he replied, time will show how I shall treat your sister, after which, Edward caught my hand, and come Eliza, he said, now lead the way to our mother. We opened the dining room door, where she and my father were seated, lie bowed and walk- ed up to her, which compliment she returned, and requested him to take a seat, but he stood motionless, with his eyes fixed upon hers ; she look- ed at him for a moment, and cried out, 0, my beloved boy, it is you, and sunk upon his bosom ; he pressed his dear mother to his heart with filial affection, and then went up and shook hands with his father. Well my boy, he said with a half choked utterance, how fare you — when did you arrive. He told him that morning, after which, he inquired all the particulars of his voyage, and when dinner was over, set out with his two sons to visit my sister. The unexpected appearance of my brother had broken up the day for my mother and me, as we were fit for noth- ing afterwards. After a couple of hours absence, they all returned, when my husband requested that I should have an early tea, as Ed- ward and himself were going to the theatre, and I must accompany them, but I had no inclination to go, as I had so long absented myself from every public amusement, that I felt no desire to frequent them any longer ; they, however, would take no denial, and go I must. I accor- dingly dressed for the occasion, while they went to procure a carriage, and after tea I seated myself between them in it, and drove to Drury- lane. The theatre was brilliantly lighted, and looked enchanting. The play was to be " The Stranger," which was a solemn and pathetic piece, and I felt almost as solemn, during the performance, as if I had been hearing a sermon. The afterpiece was " Cinderella, or the Little Glass Slipper." Every one almost, in childhood, has read that simple little story, which I h?.d no idea would excite the least interest ; but on the curtain rising, I beheld such a scene of enchantment, as I never before witnessed — it appeared like a fairy land, or the garden of Eden, the whole scenery appeared glittering with diamonds, and the garden was covered with roses and all kinds of beautiful flowers, a re- presentation of angels were seen ascending and descending, silvery fishes were playing in the limpid stream, and in short every thing was

4-4 THE "widow's offering.

invented to allure and fascinate the senses. After" this grand display of scenery the play began. Cinderella was transformed by the wand of her godmother from a poor dirty scullion to an elegant, fine lady, the pumpkin was turned into a splendid carriage, and a trap-full uf mice into six beautiful horses, which were tackled to the carriage, and Cinderella drove off to the ball in triumph, danced with the prince, overstayed the time her grandmother had set, when, her carriage was again turned into a pumpkin, her horses into mice, aud she into rags, and when making her escape she lost one of her glass slippers, which the prince picked up, and gave out a proclamation that he would marry the lady whom the shoe would fit, but none could get their toes into it. The godmother at length appeared, and found Cinderella concealed in a remote corner, whom she touched with her wand, when she was again transformed into a beautiful lady, and after placing the shoe on her foot, the prince led her to the altar and they were mar- ried, and so ended the play. 0 ! what folly and nonsense — that piece was performed one hundred nights in succession, to a crowded house each night, which produced to the managers, upwards of an hundred thousand pounds sterling — ah, how many a houseless child of want would that vast sum have fed, clothed and sheltered from the wintery blasts, but alas, how little does the proud man of wealth, while basking in the sunshine of prosperity, and lavishing his riches in idleness and luxury, heed the widow's cry or the orphan's tear, and many of such whose morning of life shone beautiful and serene, but before they ar- rived at the meredian, were involved in clouds of adversity, 'by the death of an affectionate husband, and tender brother. Oh ! see them now, cast upon the charity of an unfeeling world, and in starving solitude, with scarcely a sufficiency to keep them alive, while the luxurious, in princely mansions, are straining their thoughts to form ideal wants. Be- hold the helpless children, entreating the unhappy mother to supply the cravings of nature, while the pitiless storm beats keenly on their tender years; the afflicted mother would fain relieve the distress of her beloved children, but alas, it is not in her power to do so, aud the eyes which once shown with peculiar lustre, are now suffused with tears, and deeply furrowed with the traits of affliction — 0 ! ye sons and daughters of luxury, to such extend your pitying baud, and from your abundance, contribute to relieve the destitute and afflicted, and great will be your reward in Heaven.

After the play was over we returned home, with two guineas less than when we set out, which in value, is ten dollars — 0, I exclaimed,

the widow's offering. 45

what idiots we have been to spend our money so foolishly. But they replied it was of no consequence, there was plenty more where that come from.

Edward was as full of his frolics and mischief, as ever, and always appeared cheerful and happy, but one morning he came home«with an unusual gloom upon his countenance, and on asking him the reason, he said that his father had lost about five thousand pounds ; that he had bought a vessel in company with another, and paid for the whole of her and that his partner had taken her to a foreign port and sold her, and absconded, no one knew whither — in short, he said that he was ruining himself as fast as he could, as by what he could learn, his father was constantly speculating in vessels, for which purposes, he had drawn large sums of money from the bank, which was never refunded. My mother and me had frequently talked ujDon that subject, and deeply regreted his obstinacy in not listening to reason ; she saw that his property was going fast, but was unprepared for this last blow, as he had not given her any information respecting it. She now rejoiced that her daughters were provided with husbands, who would pro- tect and shield them from the storms of life. But as to myself, she ad- ded, I see no prospect before me but penury and want, for if your father continues to fool away his property, in the manner he has done, there will be nothing left for any of us. May the Lord inspire me with for- titude, to bear up with my accumulated trials, and 0, my child, may you never experience the fate of your unhappy mother. Ah, how lit- tle did she imagine what trials and afflictions awaited me.

A few days after my brother's information, he did not return home as usual, during that day, nor that night; we were of course extremely uneasy, fearing that something had happened to him, but endeavored to console ourselves, with the thoughts of his having been detained on board of his ship, but not making his appearance on the following mor- ning, we became dreadfully alarmed, and after breakfast my father walked down to the ship, but upon inquiry, was informed that he had not been on board that day, nor the preceding one ; he then went on board of several ships, and made inquiries about the docks and neighbor- hood, but could gain no information whatever, after which, he returned with a heavy heart and gave us the account. My sister was there at the time, and likewise a young lady who was greatly attached to Ed- ward, and on hearing the unfavorable account, burst into tears, and in short, we were all weeping in the agony of grief. My sister informed us, that on the morning he left home, he called at their house, and on

5*

4'6 TOE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

leaving, was met by a gentleman -who stopped and shook haacfe with him, and slapped him upon the shoulder, after which they walked- arm in arm down the street, and she saw them no more ; she concluded that he was some acquaintance whom he had not seen before, since his arri- val. My father arose hastily from his seat, and exclaimed, the Press- gang has got him, ana he is confined on board of the Tender — I will go immediately and see if he is there. (The Tender is a vessel appropria- ted for the reception of impressed seamen, where they are confined till she obtains her complement, which she conveys to the shore, when they are transferred to some of the naval ships which are in want of meu.) I inquired of my father where the Tender lay. He said at Tower Wharf. Then sir, I will accompany you, if you please. By all means, he answer- ed,-if it is your wish. And I will go too, said Mary Anu — may I Cap- tain F ? Certainly, he replied, bue you must hurry or the vessel may be gone. We were all ready m a moment, and soon arrived at the wharf. He conducted us on board, and on looking through a grating upon deck, we there beheld upwards of twenty young men, sitting in a large room, or cabiu, with looks of melancholy ami dejection, among whom, I recognized the features of my beloved brother. My father im- mediately demanded admittance^ and told the ship-keeper he had no ri^ht to detain his son, as he was an Ameri-can, arxl he would make them sutler for it. lie replied, that he had uothing to do with impress- ing the men, that he was only placed there as ship-keeper, and that he must goto the press-master for redress. The door was then uulocked and we were ushered into the prison, on which my brother arose and came to his father. Well, my boy, he said, (while he shook hands with him) how came you here. I was impressed, sir, he answered, yesterday morning immediately after leaving my sister, and conveyed on board of the Tender, without having an opportunity of giving you any informa- tion, and since I have been here, they would not allow me any materi- als for writing. Well, never mind, he replied, you shall not remain here long ; your mother shall go to the American Consul and procure a protection for you-, and then see if they will dare to detain you. My brother took each a hand of his sisters, but I threw my arms around his neck, aud sobbed upon his bosom, while my sister and Mary Ann stood weeping by. Come girls, said my father, this will never do, we must return immediately, aud see if any thing can be done to-night. Fare- well my boy — keep a good heart, and to-morrow you shall be cleared. We then left the vessel with a heavy heart, and returned home, but it was now so late that nothing could be done that night..

the widow's offering. 47

My husband and mother had been waiting in anxious expectation for our return, and she rejoiced and thanked God that it was no worse, as we all thought some dreadful accident had happened to him, and that he was numbered with the dead.

The next morning we arose betime, and had an early breakfast, after which, my lather procured a carriage, when my mother, sister and my- self, drove off to the American Consul's ; he received us with much po- liteness, and requested us to be seated. My mother briefly stated her business, which she told him required the utmost expedition, when she had to give in her affilavit, of the place of his birth with the house, street, and number. He in a few moments handed her the protection, and said that he knew she was an American lady, as soon as she enter- ed the door. She introduced my sister and me, on whom he bestowed many fiatteriug compliments, and would have detained us much longer in conversation, but we were so anxious to be gone, that we apologized and hastily bid him good morning. The coachman drove furiously, till we reached home, when my father took a seat beside us and we pro- ceeded on to Tower wharf; but 0 ! what consternation took possession of us on beholding the vessel was gone. Despair was now depicted on every countenance, and my heart seemed as though it was bursting asunder. 1 had fondly imagined that my brother was on the point of being liberated, and how great would be his joy upon the occasion ; but now, what must have been his disappointment on the vessel sail- ing, when he was in momentary expectation of seeing us. I inveighed bitterly against them, and told my father that his countrymen were a set of unfeeling monsters, who were in the habit of dragging hundreds of innocent young men from their families and home, and denying them even the privilege of commuuicatiug their situation to their friends. He bore my remarks with more patience than I had reason to expect, and said that all would yet ba well, as they could not detain him long, and that it was his intention to put the business immediately into the hands of a lawyer. He accordingly ordered the coachman to drive to an attor- ney's, where we left him, and returned home. My husband was already there, and playfully observed, that he thought that I had absconded and lie would be obliged to look for another wife. I heeded but little his remark, and threw myself upon the sofa, where I give vent to my feeliugs. He sat down by the side of me, and placed my head upon his bosom, and used every endearing method to comfort and console me.

My father did not return till almost night, when he informed us that thalawyer wa3 going to make out a writ of habeas corpus, and have it

48 the widow's offering

sent down to him as soon as we could hear what ship he was on board of, and that wo.dd fetch him home, dead or alive. After this informa- tion we became more reconciled, aud waited impatiently for the return of the Tender, which arrived in about a week after. My father went immediately on board, on which, a seaman presented him with a dirty- looking letter, and requested him, (in an under voice,) to put it in his pocket, aud not read it till he came on shore. After he had obtained all the information he could, he retraced his steps back again, and, on opening the paper, found it to be a few lines, written with a pencil, from my beloved brother ; he told what ship he was on board of, and that the officers had used every persuasion to induce him to enter, as, if he did, they would immediately place him upon the quarter-deck as midshipman, but addeikliiat he would not consent, upon any condition, as he knew if he did that no one could liberate him ; he said that they had been very harsh with him on that account, and would not allow him a pen, ink, or paper ; and that he had not shifted his clothes since he left London, excepting a shirt, which he had borrowed from one of the seamen, until he washed his own ; he added that the ship would sail in a day or two, on a cruise of three or four weeks, and requested that we should have letters ready for him at Portsmouth, against his return. "We accordingly wrote, and the writ was likewise sent down by an officer ; but who can paint our disappointment, on hearing that they had just touched at Plymouth, instead of Portsmouth, aud imme- diately put to sea again.

Thus it continued, for the space of three months, one disappointment succeeding another. My husband was now nearly ready for sea, and the convoy was to sail the ensuing week ; he enquired, if all was pre- pared, for me to accompany him ; I told him that I should not leave England without seeing my brother. We had, sometime previous, an invitation to take a parting dinner with my brother-in-law and sister, and had selected the Sabbath for the occasion, as all were disengaged from business on that day. We were all seated around the table, while

Mr. K was carving a roasted pig, and my father a loin of beef,

when the door burst open and our dear Edward rushed into the room, and in a moment was encircled in the arms of his mother, and then in

mine and my sister's, the carving-knife was dropped by Mr. K , and

my father, who cried out, in a half-choked utterance, " What ! my boy; is it you ?" while he wiped away the tear from his furrowed cheeks. I felt a greater veneration for my father on that day than I had ever done before, as his conduct plainly evinced that he was not destitute of

the widow's offering. 49

parental affection, although he had ever strove to conceal it from us. All was now joy and confusion, insomuch, that we had almost forgotten our dinner ; we, however, soon made amends for lost time, and enjoyed a delightful meal. After we had finished, and the table cleared, my brother related the particulars of bis imprisonment. He said that after they had arrived at Portsmouth, he was immediately taken from the Tender and conveyed on board of one of bis majesty's ships, when ho was conducted into the gun-room, and questioned respecting his pedi- gree and education; he told them that he was an American, and they had no right to have taken him ; they asked him where was his protection ; he told them that he had none at present, but would shortly have one ; well, my lad, they answered, you won't get clear so soon, perhaps, as you think for ; he told them he had friends who were able and willing to clear him, and would do it too ; they told him that he must not be im- pertinent on board of his majesty's ship, or he would suffer for it, af- ter which he was ordered upon deck, but the next morning was again summoned before the officers, when they asked him if he would enter ; but he plainly answered that he would not ; they told him if he would enter that he should be immediately placed upon the quarter-deck a3 midshipman ; but he peremptorily refused, upon which, they ordered him among the. common men, and treated him with the utmost rigor, and would not allow him any indulgence whatever, he likewise added that he had only received two of our letters of ten which we had writ- ten, and likewise that in half an hour after their arrival at Portsmouth, the officer came on board with the habeas corpus, and demanded him, but they told him he must show his authority before he could take him, on which he produced the writ and likewise his protection, and without any further ceremony they left the ship, and arrived home as I have already described. (That business cost my father upwards of four hun- dred dollars.)

My heart was once more at rest, and I slept better that night then I had done for three months before. I now went on with finishing my preparations for the voyage with cheerfulness, and looked forward to the event with a great deal of pleasure, as I was informed that several ladies were going, two of whom were my most intimate friends, who had lately married commanders, and were going to accompany their husbands.

There was to be a large fleet — upwards of forty sail, which were go- ing under a convoy, as there was war between England and France, and any vessel was liable to be taken without. My brother's ship was like-

50 the widow's offering.

wise nearly ready, of which he was going second mate ; he had now forgotten all his troubles, and was the same wild fellow as ever and aa full of mischief as he could be ; he would sometimes catch me up and run round the room three or four times with the utmost velocity, and then would take me upon his knee and rub my cheeks with his beard till he made the blood come, and afterwards smother me with kisses to make it up. He learned some poetry while he was on board of his prison ship, which he would sing with the greatest energy, as they were very applicable to his situation, and which I think are worthy of insertion.

Whilst landsmen wander uncontrolled, and boast the rights of freemen,

O ! view the Tender's loathsome hole, where droop your injured seamen.

Dragged hya pressgang's savage grasp, from every dear connection,

Midst putr.d air, O, see them gasp, O, mark, their deep dejection.

If there be liberty — O, say, why are not all protected,

Why is the hand of ruffian sway, gainst seamen thus directed.

Is this vour boast of British rights, is this rewarding bravery?

O! shame to boast your tar's exploits, and doom those tars to slavery.

When first returned from noxious skies, and winter's raging ocean,

To laud the sun-burnt seaman flies, impressed with strong emotion.

His much loved wife, and children dear, around him cling delighted.

When Lo, the impressing friends appear, and every joy is blighted.

When from each soft endearment torn, behold the seaman languish,

His wife, his children left forlorn, the prey of bitter anguish.

Bereft of him whose vigorous strength, had them from want defended,

They droop, and all their woes at length, are in a work-house ended.

How truly do these lines represent the situation of many a British seaman, and likewise many a worthy landsman, who is torn away from his friends and family against his consent, and immured within a ship of war, which to him is no other than a prison, while his family is left in a starving condition, being deprived of their only support. O ! what a pity it is that some other method (less arbitrary) could not be devised for manning their ships — surely it might be so. Why is it so different with the American navy ? there is no impressing among them, they enter voluntarily, with .cheerful hearts, and unreluctantly fight in their country's cause — but pardon me dear readers, I have again digressed.

My husband invited me to accompany him on board of his ship, to see if I wished any alteration to be made in the state room or cabin, but they were both, large and handsome, and required but little im- provement, which I told him could be done after we came on board ; he however, gave orders for the cabins, lockers, and every part to be cleaned immediately after we were gone, as our luggage was to be ta^ ken on board the following day. After taking another survey, I reques- ted Captain E, to have a small set of drawers and a wash stand placed in the state room, which he promised to do. We then went on shore and called upon several friends, to bid them farewell, after which, we

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 51

returned home, and spent the evening in a large company, who had as- sembled for the same purpose.

On the following morning, all was bustle and confusion — trunks, band- boxes, beds, &c, were scattered in every direction. The cart, however, was shortly after at the door, which conveyed them on board of the ship. I spent the remainder of the day with my mother, sister and brother ; I felt very unhappy at the prospect of parting with my be- loved mother, as I was never separated from her before, excepting when on short visits to my aunt, and it now appeared as though I was about leaving forever all those dear objects, which I had so fondly cher- ished in my heart. I scarcely saw my husband or father that day, as the former was so busily engaged taking in provisions, that he had not a moment's time to spend at home, and my father kept constantly with him ; they, however, returned towards evening, wearied and hun- gry, and informed us that all was ready for sailing on the following day, and that several of the fleet had already dropped down, as far as Greenwich. We arose the next morning at an early hour, which was lovely and serene, it being then about the middle of June, and af- ter we had breakfasted, my husband told me that I must immediately prepare to accompany him on board, as he should not have time to come after me again. I accordingly dressed myself in haste, and with a heavy heart and tearful eye, bid a long farewell to my dearest moth- er. We called on our way, at my sister's, and bid adieu to them also, after which we proceeded to the ship ; I was accompanied on board by my father, husband, and brother. Some of the sails were already loosened and shivering in the wind, and after I went into the cabin, I heard them heaving the anchor with a noisy "yo heave ho," and shortly after we were under sail. My father and brother now came down, and immediately after Captain E. with two or three gentlemen, on which he called for a bottle of wine, and they took a painting glass, shook hands, wished us a prosperous voyage, and left the cabin. My father and brother remained ; Edward came up and embraced me affectionately. I must now leave you my dear sister, he said, but we are not parting I trust, to meet no more, as if nothing happens to prevent, I shall see you again on our return, as we shall both be home about the same time. — You are going with a husband who idolizes you, and thinks there is none to equal you, and for that reason I leave you in better spirits than if it was otherwise, you must take all the comfort you can, and write me an account of your proceedings. Yes, replied my father, it it a beautiful country, and you will see many curiosities, of which you

52 the widow's offering.

must send us all an account. But come my boy, he said, we must be off — the boat is waiting to take us on shore, and must not be detained. — He then took my hand and kissed me, told me to be a good girl and not cry (while the big tear stood in his own eyes) and left the cabin. My brother then bade me an affectionate farewell, and left me to my own melancholy reflections. Oh, I thought, how bitter are the pangs of parting, and it appeared to me as if those of death could not equal them. I wei it into my state room, and there gave vent to my feelings in a plentiful shower of tears. I heard the boatmen phy ing their oars, and went to the cabin window to see what it was, where I beheld a boat flying past the ship loaded with gentlemen, among whom was my father and brother ; I followed them with my eye till they receded from my eight, and then returned to my solitary apartment. My head began to feel dizzy and my stomach sick, and I threw myself upon the bed, where I remained till my husband came down, who informed me they had reached Greenwich, where there was about twenty sail of the fleet, which would proceed immediately on to Portsmouth, where we were to join the convoy, with the remainder of the fleet. He then ordered din- ner to be brought down, which consisted of everything that was nice, but I could not taste a mouthful ; he used every persuasion to entice me, without any effect, as the smell was sufficient for a sick stomach without partaking of any.

I remained in bed till night, and then arose only long enough to un- dress myself. Tea was then served, and a cup of it, with a nice butter- ed muffin, was brought to me by my husband, but the smell of the tea created such an awful sickness, that I requested him to take it out of the state room. I remained extremely ill during the night, but the next morning we arrived at Portsmouth, where we lay too, waiting the Commodore's orders, and as the motion of the vessel had nearly ceased my sickness began to abate, and after forcing down a cup of coffee and a cracker, my husband took me upon deck and placed me in a chair, af- ter which, he went down and brought me and extra shawl, for fear of my taking cold, and then gave me some apples, almonds, and raisins to amuse myself with, and told me that I must eat something constantly, as it was the only method to conquer sea-siekuess, which I found to be Hie case in a very short time. I remained upon deck about two hours, when the signal gun was fired for sailing, and in five minutes after, the whole fleet was in commotion, upwards of forty sail.

Our convoy consisted of a seventy -four gun ship, a frigate, and two gun brigs, and the bustle and uproar had become so loud upon deck, that

THE WIDOW'S OFFEEING. 58

the captain told me I had better go below till the confusion was over, which I accordingly did, assisted by him, as I was too weak to venture alone, not having taken any sustenance but a cracker and some al- monds since I left home ; he then brought me a glass of wine which he insisted upon my taking, as he said it would create an appetite. I took it, merely to oblige him, as I expected it would make me sick — but it had altogether a different effect, as my stomach soon began to feel strengthened and craving for food. I went to the locker, and took out a large white biscuit, which I buttered and ate with a voracious appe- tite ; dinner was shortly after brought in, of which I partook unspar- ingly, and after it was over I again went upon Deck, and there beheld a most beautiful sight of between forty and fifty vessels under full sail ; the Commodore was of course the headmost ship — the two gun brigs on the larboard and starboard quarters, and the Frigate in the rear. I gazed at them with admiration, and was delighted with seeing the signals flying up and down the Commodore's mast, and the merchant- men answering them. I looked into one of the signal books, wherein was displayed all the corresponding colors and flags, with instructions to each ; and after amusing myself until tea was prepared, I again returned to the cabin, where I remained 'till dark ; when my husband conducted me upon deck to view the night signals, which were lanterns with numbers of varying lights, moving to and fro with the utmost velocity, the appearance of which was extremely novel and interesting, among so many vessels.

The evening was clear and beautiful, and the gentle breeze wafted us slowly along, while the moon shone forth in all her splendor, and myriads of stars were glittering in the wide firmament of heaven. I thought how wonderful are the works of God, and while raising my eyes in adoration and gratitude, it appeared as though I was trans- ported to the celestial regions, and mingling with the heavenly host ; but I was aroused from my contemplations by the approach of my hus- band, who laid his hand upon my shoulder and asked me what I was ruminating upon. I told him upon the heavenly bodies. Well, come my dear, he said, you must leave off star gazing and not remain any longer in the night air ; I am afraid you will take cold ; and taking my arm, he led me to the cabin, and returned again upon deck, first telling me that he should not be down till after the midnight watch was set.

I had now nearly conquered my sea-sickness, and was constantly craving for something to eat, and accordingly went to the cuj)board and f urnished myself with sufficient for my supper, which I took into my 6

5-i THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

state-room, and ate with an excellent appetite ; after which I went to bed and slept soundly, notwithstanding the motion of the vessel ; but in the morning I was aroused before sunrise with an unusual noise over my head, thumping and scrubbing, and on inquiring what it was — they told me they were cleaning the deck, which I found was a customary practice each morning; after breakfast was over, I assisted the boy in clearing away the table and washing the glasses. I then took every- thing out of the closets (or lockers) and had them cleaned, and again replaced them agreeable to my own fancy, but before I had got through with half of my work, my husband came down and told mo that I must accompany him upon deck for a short time, till the men had cleaned the cabin, which I accordingly did ; and on arriving there found a canopy erected, which was done by the orders of my indul- gent husband, to prevent my feeling any inconvenience from the heat- ing rays of the sun ; he seated himself by the side of me, and took my hand. Well, my dear, he said, what think you of our awning? 0, it is delightful, I answered, and I thank you for your kind attention. He pressed my hand affectionately to his lips, and arose to give some orders, but returned again immediately, with his spy-glass, which he presented to me, and told me to amuse myself with it, in looking at the fleet, and observing their proceedings, I accordingly directed it first to the Commodore's ship, where I saw numbers of officers walking the quarter deck ; some of whom were giving orders to the men, who were constantly hoisting and lowering the signals. I likewise saw and heard the boatswain incessantly piping his whistle, while the seamen were running in eveiy direction at the shrill command. After being sat- isfied with viewing the movements, I directed my glass towards the merchantmen, and inquired of my husband which was the ship that Captain Ross commanded. She was at a considerable distance from us, but not so far as to prevent my seeing my dear young friend, (Captain Ross' wife,) who was sitting with her arms folded upon a spyglass, which lay in her lap, and which, as she afterwards told me, she had been making use of to look at me.

But I now heard the men come blundering up the gangway with their tubs, mops and scrubbing brushes, and knew that it was time for me to go and finish my own work, and accordingly left my husband and his spyglass, and went into the cabin, and finished what I had began there. I then went into my state-room, made my bed, hung up my bed-curtain, cleared out the room, and laid down the carpet. After which I hung the cabin curtains and desired the boy to rub the lockers

the widow's offering. 55

till he could see his face iu them, and then spread the cabin carpet, and arrange every thing in order. After I had finished, I sat down and viewed my sea parlor with a great deal of pleasure, as it now appear- ed more like home. In the meantime: the old cook came in to inquire if I wished to have anything baked, as he said there was a very nice oven for baking bread or cakes, and he would take particular pains in doing them good. I told him that I had nothing ready at present, but would prepare something on the morrow. I then went to work and prepared some yeast for mixing my bread in the morning.

Shortly after, while sitting in my bedroom to rest myself, I heard a boat rowing near the ship, when in a few moments Captain E. came down accompanied by two gentlemen, Captain Finton and a passenger, who had come to make a morning visit, and after introducing them he complimented me on the improvement I had made in the cabin. Bread and cheese, with a bottle of wine was set before them, of which they partook with much cheerfulness. I frequently directed my eyes towards them while they were eating, when at each time I perceived those of the passenger intensely fixed upon me ; but as I did not choose to be stared out of countenance, I arose and left the cabin, and shortly after I heard them go upon deck, where they remained about half an hour, and then left the ship.

After they were gone, my husband came down. How do you like our visitors my dear? he asked. I do not like Mr. R. by any means, I replied. He has too much assurance, insomuch that he stared me out of the cabin, and I should like to know who he is ? Mr. R. he replied, is a wealthy merchant, a gentleman, and an honorable young man, and would not intentionally be guilty of a misdemeanor ; but to tell the truth, he is a great admirer of you, therefore you must not be angry because he looked at you, as you know I was guilty of a simi- lar offence, when I first had the pleasure of seeing you. Yes, I replied, but it was very different then, as I was not married, and surely he knows that I am your wife. Most certainly he does, replied my hus- band, and has apologized for his conduct ; he says, that on first seeing you, that he did not consider whether you was married or single, nor did he discover his error, until you precipitately arose, and left the cabin. He is fearful that he has offended you, and requested me to deliver his apology ; he said many flattering things about you, which, if I was to repeat would make you too vain ; and now my dear, what answer am I give him ? as to-morrow I shall dine in company with him on board of Captain F^r^r's ship. You can tell him what you think

66 the ■widow's offering.

proper, I replied, as I shall send no answer. Well, he replied, I shall do as you have desired me, and left the cabin.

After dinner was over, I spent the remainder of the day in reading and needlework; I arose on the following morning while they were clearing the decks, and prepared my bread and some cake, which had risen, and was ready for the cook in a couple of hours — who, in a short time after brought it down handsomely baked, for which I gave him a glass of wine. I then went upon deck, and remained there till after

my husband left the ship to go on board of Captain F 's ship, and

taking the spyglass reconnoitered the movements of the fleet till I was tired. I saw several of the merchantmens boats rowing about in dif- ferent directions, and going from ship to ship, who, I presume were making their morning calls ; as shortly after the signal was made for all masters to repair on board of their respective ships, which they did not appear to pay any attention to — when, in a few moments after, a gun was fired from the Commodore's ship, which gave them to under- stand that they were to obey his orders, and immediately every boat was on the alert, and every commander was soon on board of his own vessel. My husband shortly after came below and declaimed harshly against the commander, and added that they had scarcely commenced dinner when the signal was made for them to return. He was like- wise extremely vexed with the cabin boy who had committed a mis- demeanor in his absence, for which he said he should be severely pun- ished, but before I could ask him what was his crime, he was gone. The boy, however, came in immediately after, and I inquired of him what he had been guilty of to deserve punishment. He said he had not left the spigot in the vinegar barrel sufficiently tight, which caused it to leak nearly all away. Well, William, I replied, that is a serious accident, as vinegar is so much wanted on board x5f ship among so many men ; but I will intercede for you with the Captain not to have you punished, and you must be more careful in future. You can now go and ask the Captain if he will please to come down, as I want to see him. He accordingly went, and in a moment my husband was there. Did you want me my dear, he inquired, as he. seated himself? Yes, I replied, I have been talking with the boy about his carelessness in loosing the vinegar, but he says that it was an accident — as he was called off by the mate, who swore and threatened to flog him if he did not come immediately — when in his hurry he neglected to fasten it properly. He is sorry for his fault, and has promised to become at- tentive to me hereafter. William is a good boy, and kindly attentive

the "widow's offering. 57

to me, and always executes my orders with cheerfulness, and for that reason I must request that you will forgive him ; come my dear George, I continued, while pressing his hand between mine, will you promise that you will do so. Ah, my lovely pleader he replied, who can deny you — be it as you say, but if I let you have your way you will spoil the ship crew, for they are all now ready to fall down and worship you ; and as to the old cook, he is in raptures, and says that he never saw such sweet young lady in his life. O, yes, 1 replied, that is because I gave him his glass of wine or grog whenever he brings my bakings. William then made his appearance, and his master told him that he had forgiven him for this time, but he must thank me for it, as it was entirely through my persuasion that he escaped punishment.

William was a lad between the age of twelve and thirteen years and of respectable parentage, but he having a great desire to follow sea, his father requested Captain E. to take him as cabin boy for the first voyage, as he knew that I was going, and wished him to be near me. Poor William was again restored to favor with his captain, but not with the chief mate who was a morose drinking fellow, but a good seaman, and would often correct the boy when he did not deserve it ; he had been the voyage previous with my husband, but conducted so bad that he discharged him ; he however made concession with prom- ises of amendments if he would reinstate, him, which he accordingly did, but repented before the voyage was over that he had done so.

Mr Bagly was a married man who had a wife and child in England ; but on their arrival at Malta the preceding voyage, he made acquaint- ance with the servant girl of the Governor from whom he had obtained a license for their marriage ; but on my husband being apprized of it, he went to the Governor and informed him that he was a married man, which put a stop to the business. It now being near twilight I went upon deck to hear the music on board of the ship of war, which was the custom every evening. The heat had been extremely intense throughout the day, but now the night breeze blew cool and refreshing, while millions of stars were glittering in the blue canopy of heaven ; and shortly after the moon arose in all her majesty, which shone fan- tastically beautiful among the sails and rigging of the fleet. I remain- ed upon deck till the music had ceased, and then went below where I opened my bible and read for an hour, after which, having committed myself in prayer to him who rides upon the tempest and holds the wind in the hollow of his hand, I retired to rest.

Our gallant fleet continued to pursue their undeviating course a few

6*

58 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

days longer, when my attention was arrested by an unusual stir upon deck; and shortly after my husband informed me that they were in sight of the Brest fleet, which were blockading the harbor of Brest, and that I must not be alarmed, as they were going to fire a salute ; but before he finished a thundering roar from the Commodore's ship spoke louder than words, which was immediately followed by the other naval ships of our fleet, and the merchantmen, which were answered by the blockading squadron in which there was a continual roar of cannon for nearly an hour after, when the signal was made for the fleet to lay too. The commander's boat was now manned, and proceeded to the Admi- ral's ship, where he remained nearly all that day, while the merchant captains were enjoying themselves in the same manner by visiting their friends. There were several called upon us, among whom was Cap- tain R and his wife and a Captain in the Army, a lady who was

going to meet her husband, he being stationed at Malta. Mrs. R. in- vited me to come on board and take tea with them during the voyage which I promised to do. Captain Harson's lady appeared to be very gay and cheerful, and said that she often meant to make me a visit. Mrs. R. then inquired whether I had any milk on board. I told her I had not. Well, she replied, I will send you some, as we have a goat which supplies us with more than we want to make use of for the cab- in, (now goat's milk is used in many parts of England in preference to that of cows, as it is considered more wholesome) and especially in Wales, where they make butter of it, as the milk is rich and produces

a thick cream ; but Captain R reminded the ladies that it was

time to depart, and as my husband was not on board, I did not urge them to stay.

After they were gone, I took another review of the naval fleet which consisted of twenty ships of the line. I likewise perceived with the spyglass several small boats, rigged like ships, and maimed with mid- shipmen, which were sailing about our fleet, and stopped along side of every ship where there was ladies. I stood for a short time looking over the railings when I observed two of them steering for our ship ; and in a few moments they were near enough to be heard, their mim- ick ships, were each manned with about seven or eight beautiful young midshipmen, the eldest of whom did not appear above fifteen. He bowed gracefully, and inquired how were all the ladies in England. I told him those of my circle of acquaintance were all well when we left. He said he should like very much to see some of them ; but, he added, I have no prospect of that pleasure very soon, as I cannot tell

the widow's offeeing. 69

how long we shall be stationed here. I asked him if he did not find the navy a great confinement. Very much so he replied, and said that he envied the merchantmen their liberty. I then invited him to come on board, as I expected every moment the return of my husband. Husband ! he replied, — pardon me madam, I thought I had been con- versing with an unmarried lady. I told him by no means, but our con- versation was interrupted by the appearance of our little green gig, which was rowing towards the ship, and immediately after Captain E. was along side. They all raised their hats while he accosted them with a how do you do — young gentlemen, are you amusing yourselves with your tiny ships. They smilingly answered in the affirmative. He then asked them if they would come on board ; but the young spokesman politely excused them, saying that it was almost time for them to return, and he wished to call upon all the ladies before he left the fleet. My husband laughed, and said if that was the case he would not detain them. He then asked a few questions respecting the navy, and what had become of Sir Sydney Smith. He said the last accounts they had received he was in Palermo. He told him that he had sailed seven years with Sir Sydney in the station of Midshipman, but disliked the confinement of the navy — he left it for the merchant service. On hearing the aforesaid account, our young hero's eyes beamed with pleasure, and he offered his hand, which my husband pressed with affection and hoped they would be better acquainted, and inquired his name. He said it was Seymour. He then bowed respectfully to me — gave his command to the younger officers and left the ship.

We followed them with our eyes a considerable distance, when my husband exclaimed — that Seymour is a noble youth, and will yet be an ornament to the British navy ; he is Captain of that boat and knows well how to manage her, and no doubt but the Admiral has indulged them with having these boats rigged for them to practice in, as likewise for their amusement. We watched them until they reached Captain

Pv !s ship, when we observed young S. conversing with the ladies.

In the meantime another of the young ships came along side with a number of dear little boys dressed in their uniform with smiling faces, and blooming like the rose. Some of them did not appear to be more than nine years old, the eldest of course had the command, who was about sixteen, and upon inquiry all on board held their different sta- tions, as first, second and third Lieutenants, and so on to the lowest. "We invited them on board, but they politely thanked us, and said their orders were not to leave the boat We continued in conversation for a

60 the widow's offering.

short time, when one of the midshipmen exclaimed — there is the Commander's boat, and sure enough, we beheld the twelve oared barge sweeping through the water with the utmost velocity. The young gentlemen now turned their helm, made their condgee, and departed, and immediately after the signal was made for the fleet to get under way — all was now hurry and confusion upon deck, which warned me that it was thne to make my exit, and I accordingly went below and assisted "William in preparing tea ; when, after eight bells had rung, and the watch was set my husband came down and joined the rest of us at the tea table, which were the first and second mates besides myself and after he had finished went again upon deck, and I to my stateroom where I read my bible, performed my evening devotion and consigned myself to rest.

On the following day we were visited by Captain R. and Mrs. Har- son, the Captain's lady of the Army, who had come with the intention of spending the day with me — Mrs. R. was not well enough to accom- pany her ; there was likewise two other Captains on board, who had been invited by my husband to dine with him; a canopy was erected on deck, and the dinner table placed under it, as the heat was so intense that we thought it would be much pleasanter there than below. Din- ner was served, and we had nearly finished our repast, when all in a moment a sudden and terrible squall sprung up which laid our vessel on her beam ends ; every sail was taken in, and she was running at the rate of nine knots under her bare masts. The Captains immediately repaired to their respective boats, and we endeavored to pursuade Mrs II. to remain with us, but she insisted upon going with the Captain, and after considerable difficulty they made out to get her on board. The sea was raging mountains high, and at one moment the boat was elevat- ed as high as the ship, and the next appeared as if she was swallowed in the great deep. I looked at them with terror and amazement, while I was obliged to hold fast by the railings to prevent being swept from the deck. The sea was so furious that for a moment I lost sight of them, but immediately after I perceived them nearly under the bow of the ship, and heard a piercing shriek from Mrs. Harson, and a cry of agony from the Captain, of luff, luff, for God's sake luff; when in an instant the ship veered and saved them from a watery grave. I was so terrified that I could scarcely stand, and called out for my hus- band, who came and led me into the cabin ; on passing along I observed the deck strewed with broken dishes, plates and glasses. 1 was truly thankful that I was sheltered from the terrific gale. I was obliged to

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING- 61

place myself upon the carpet, as the motion of the vessel was so exces- sive that I could not retain my seat upon a chair ; but I had scarcely began to feel a little composed when a loud clap of thunder assailed my ears, and peal after peal succeeded each other, with horrible roar, while the forked lightning shot frightfully through the cabin windows. I drew near to the dining table and set myself under the leaves of it when a vivid flash passed through the cabin, and immediately followed a dreadful uproar upon deck ; gracious heavens I ejaculated, what can be the matter — surely the ship is struck, when the boy came running, down in haste for some rope yarn. William, I said, what is the matter is the ship on fire ? O no, madam, he answered, the boom is struck, and shrivered in many parts, but not on fire ; you must not be uneasy ma'am, he added, for the tempest will soon be over, as the wind is not so high as it was. But another tremendous clap caused me to think differently, which was accompanied by large drops of rain, and in a few moments came pouring down in torrents — it soon however abated and the wind gradually died away, while the distant thunder rolled faintly along the horizon, and the sun began to shine dimly through the scattering clouds. The ship now became motionless in comparison to what it had been, and I began to breathe more freely. I then arose from my humble seat and returned into my stateroom where I lifted up my heart in gratitude to God for his sparing mercies. My husband shortly after came down, and said that he would have come and seen how I was situated, but it was impossible to leave the deck for a mo- ment, and that the boom was split almost asunder, which they were trying to repair so as to make it answer until they arrived in port. He likewise added that those sudden squalls were very frequent in the Mediterranean, and often did much damage. I then inquired- whether Captain R. and his passenger reached their ship in safety. He replied they did, but it was a hard struggle ; but come, he said, put on your bonnet and go upon deck with me, which I accordingly did— -and found all was now calm and beautiful, with scarce a ripple to be seen upon the water, while the sails were flapping about the masts as there was not a breath of wind to fill them. Oh, said I, what a contrast between now and half an hour ago. Yes, he replied, and I fear there is more damage done among the fleet than we are aware of. We then went to look at the boom, which was split nearly from one end to the other, and the place where the lightning struck was slivered in many small pieces.

Nuthing particular occurred after this until our arrival at G-ibralter, which took place in about ten days from that time, when, on nearing the

62 the widow's offering

rock my husband came down and told me not to be alarmed as the Span- iards would fire upon us, but could not do us any injury, as we should keep at such a distance that their shot could not reach us. I immedi- ately after heard vollies of small arms come whizzing near the ship, but we soon got out of their reach, as in half an hour after we were safely moored in the harbor of Gibraltar, previous to which a salute was fired by the Comodore, which was answered by some naval ships in the harbor, as likewise by the garrison in the afternoon. I accom- panied my husband on shore and there met with Mrs. Harson, who was going to call upon several of the officers wives, and requested me to accompany her, and after giving him a direction where to find us, he •left us to go and transact some business. "We called upon several ladies, and was invited by each to pass the afternoon with them, but we excused ourselves, as I had promised Captain E. to walk with him round the garrison. We remained at the last house we called at until his return, when we accompanied him with two officers upon the parade ground, which was an open level space opposite the sea, and is a great parade for the officers and their ladies, after which we walked over the other side of the rock where we had a full view of the Spanish lines, which were nearly beneath us, as that side of the rock was immensely high and perpendicular through which there were holes bored large enough to admit a cannon, and pointed direct towards the Spanish ter- ritory.

After having satisfied ourselves with viewing the fortification, we walked to the lower side of the rock to take a view of the village, or town, which is situated there, and immediately opposite the harbor. — The buildings were but few, and mean looking, which are chiefly occu- pied by the military officers, and in short, there were not many of any other description, as Gibralter is nothing more than a strong fortress, and from appearance, a solid rock, which extends from one extremity of the place to the other, and the harbor is defended by a fleet of naval ships.

It was now nearly night, and the heat so intense, that I felt as

though I should suffocate, and requested Captain E to take me on

board, but he said we must walk a little farther first, after wThich, he would comply with my request ; he then conducted us near to the Spanish lines, which was only separated from those of the British, by a low fence, not higher than a mau's breast, We observed the two sen- sinels walking backwards and forwards, close to each other, on either side of the partition, with their drawn bayonets glittering in the setting

the widow's offering. 63

__ _

sun. 0 ! I exclaimed, I wonder tbey do not stab each other. They dare not, replied the officer, as they well know their lives would be the forfeit. But the sua had now disappeared, which retniuded us it was time to return. We therefore hastened our steps towards the harbor, but who can paint our disappointment, on arriving at the gate, which we found closed, and the sentinel at his post. We requested him to allow us to pass ; but he said it was impossible, as after the gate was shut, it was not allowed to be opened again until morning. Well, re- plied my husband, if that is the case, we must go to the hotel and sleep, which I could not beir the idea of; but there was no other alter- native, and we accordingly repaired thither. We enquired for a room, with two beds in it, (as Mrs. H declared that he would not be sep- arated from me,) and was conducted to a mean, dirty-looking apart- ment, which was uncarpeted, and no curtains around the beds. My husband went and procured some crackers, cheese, fruit and wine, which was very acceptable, as we had taken nothing since leaving the ship. We amused ourselves as well as we could till eleven o'clock, and then threw ourselves upon the bed without undressing ; but in a fe w

moments Mrs. H exclaimed that she could not sleep upon that bed,

as it smelt so disagreeable, and she was sure that some filthy creature had been in it before, without having been changed, upon which she hastily arose and seated herself at the window, and I did the same, as the heat was so suffocating, that I felt no inclination to sleep; but it was not the case with my husband, as he was already fast locked in the arms of Morpheus, and regardless of all our complaints and mur- murings. We opened a door, which led out upon the balcony, wThich extended nearly round the house, where we walked and sat more than half the night ; after being tired, and fearful of remaining any longer in the night air, we came in. I looked at my watch, and found it was half past three, which I was rejoiced to know, as in two hours and a half the gate would be open. We again seated ourselves by the win- dow, and passed the intervening hours in conversation. I inquired of

Mrs. H whether she could give me any information respecting my

cousins, Lady Ann Jessup and her husband ; she said that he was sta- tioned somewhere up the Mediterranean, but at what place, she could not tell, and Lady Ann had accompanied him. It now being past five o'clock. I awoke my husband, who started up, and enquired what was the matter. You are a fine protector, I replied ; here have we been walking all night, without closing our eyes, while you have been sleep- Jng Boundty. Well, my dear, he replied, I cannot help that ; I thought

64 the widow's offering.

you had been sleeping by the side of me. 0 yes, I answered ; I guess you did not bestow a thought upon it. Well come, . he said, we won't quarrel about it, but let us get out of this hole as quick as possible, and taking me by the hand, he almost dragged me along, We soon arrived at the gate, where we found the sentry still at his post ; but in about fifteen minutes it was opened, and we were emancipated : my husband then hailed the ship, and the boat came and took us on board, and then

proceeded with Mrs. H to her own ship.

I felt truly rejoiced at being once more seated in my own beautiful cabin ; but I was so fatigued, for want of rest, that I was almost sick

and could scarcely keep my eyes open. Captain E informed me

that after breakfast he would go on shore, as they had some stores to discharge, and requested me to go immediately to bed. I accordingly took his advice, as I felt no inclination for any breakfast, and slept Bweetly till eleven o'clock, when I arose, washed and dressed myself, and went into the cabin, where I inhaled the delightful breeze which was blowing in at the windows. I then sent orders to the cook to pre- pare me some toast, and a boiled egg, with some coffee, of which I made a delicious breakfast, aud felt strengthened and refreshed. I again weut into my state-room, and made my bed; but had scarcely got the room in order, when the steward came running down, iu a fright, and said that the press-gang was coming from one of the naval ships, and immediately followed two of the seamen, pale as death. What is the matter, young men, I demanded. " 0 ma'am, the press-gang is coming, aud we have no protection." Where is the captain, I enquired. They said he was on shore, Well come here, my lads, and I will pro- tect you — hurry, for I hear the boat alongside ; and with that I pushed them into the state-room, aud pulling all the clothes off the bed, and told one of them to get between that and the matrass, after which I replaced the things, and spread the couuterpane the same as before, I then drew out some things from the locker beneath, and told the other to crawl iu, and not to move nor speak for their lives, and after throw- ing some coverings over him, aud drawing the curtain before him, I returned to the cabin, and then rang the bell for William, and told him to go and present my compliments to the lieutenant, and I should be happy to see him. He accordingly delivered his message, and the gen- tleman came down, and on entering, bowed politely, which compliment I returned, and requested him to be seated. " I have taken the liberty, 6ir," I said, "of requesting to see you, as I understand that you have come for the purpose of impressing our seamen ?" " Yes, madam," he

the widow's offering. 65

replied, "that is my errand." " 0, sir," I continued, " how can you be so unfeeling as to deprive us of our men, and to take them by force against their inclinations V " It is not our wish to compel them," he replied ; "' but we have no other method of obtaining them : our navy must be manned, or we cannot fight the battles of our country, nor become the chauipions of our fair countrywomen." u Then, sir," I replied, " your whole dependence is upon arbitrary force— surely you might devise eome other method, more lenient, to obtain your men, than by dragging them away from their families and homes against their consent — ah ! how many a tearful eye and broken heart are you the cause of; — how many a destitute family and aged parents have you sent sorrowing to the grave . — o ! methinks there will be a dread account against ycu." — " You are, indeed, madam, a strenuous advocate in the cause, aud the men have occasion to feel very grateful ; but if all ladies were of your mind, we should be obliged to lay up our ships in the docks as useless incumbrances." "Well, sir," I replied, " what are we to do — we are al. ready short of hands, and if you take any of our men we shall be left in distress and unable to proceed on our voyage." " I sho uld be sorry to distress you, madam," he replied ; " nor is it my intention to do so. I will take the number of your men ; but, at all events, I will not de. prive you of more than two." My heart sunk within me when I heard him talk of taking any, and told him I regretted very much my hus- band beiug absent. " It is better, perhaps," he replied, "that he was not here, as no doubt but you have advocated the cause with more influence than he could have done, as ladies never plead with us in vain." I thanked him for the compliment, and, after taking a glass of wine, he made his obesiance and departed. I heard him for a considerable time upon deck, and then the boat rowing away. I then rang for William who informed me that they had taken two of our best men, on hearing, it, I could not refrain from tears, and regretted that I could not save them all. I then went into the state-room and liberated my prisoners, who came forth with the perspiration pouring off them, and thanked me, with tears in their eyes. Well, my lads, I said, I am thankful that you are safe, and if you are in danger of the press again, come down immediately to me, and I will protect you ; and if I should be absent upon such an occasion, do you go into my state-room, and lock yourself in, till the boat is gone ; they thanked me with looks of gratitude, and went upon deck.

Shortly after, my husband came on board to dinner, when I informed him of what I had done. Why, my dear Eliza, he said, you are quite a 7

66 the widow's offerixg.

heroine, and your name ought to be engraven upon tables of brass ; but the rascals have taken two of my finest fellows. Well, I replied, I did the best I could, and had I not talked to him as I did, there is no doubt but he would have had all your best men. Yes, he replied, and I shall now have to hunt up two foreigners to supply their place, as there are no Englishmen to be found here ; he then informed me that he had been making up a party of gentlemen and ladies for the following day, to visit St. Michael's Cave, which was nearly upon the summit of the rock, and that he must have some ham and chickens cooked for the occasion. I accordingly made a large cake, and gave orders to the cook to have all things prepared for the ensuinap morning, which was strictly attended to ; and on the following day, after breakfast, we packed up our baskets of provisions, and gave them in charge of my two young prisoners and a another, who were going with us, to convey them thither; but on leav- ing the ship, poor William looked so sorrowful, that through my per- suasion, the captain give him liberty to go likewise, and left orders with the cook and steward to attend to the cabiu. Wc then went ashore and joined the party, who were waiting for us, among whom were Mrs. Harson and Mrs. Ross ; there were likewise three other ladies and seven or eight gentlemen, with their servants, who were loaded down with provisions and wine, and likewise a coil of ropes. We now pro- ceeded on our journey, which was a zigzag road, leading to the top of the mountain. 1 was highly delighted at seeing a number of monkeys running up the sides of the rock, and upon the twigs, with their young ones upon their backs ; they are very much afraid of the sailors, who frequently catch them and play all manner of tricks with them. My husband related an anecdote respecting the sagacity of these animals. Some sailors it seems were in pursuit of a company of them, when the mother (as they supposed it to be) caught up the smallest and ran up the rock with it, while the rest followed ; but in their haste, one of them lost its hold, and fell a considerable distance below, but on recovering himself, he renewed his speed, and soon reached the rest, on which the mother broke off a small stick from one of the bushes and gave it a severe beatiug for its carelessness. The higher we traveled the mora pleasant it appeared, and the air was more cool aud refreshing ; we had a delightful view of all around us. Gibraltar stands extremely high, upwards of a thousand feet above the sea, and jutting into the water; but to proceed, after we had journeyed a short distance further, we ar- rived at St. Michael's Cave. When, on entering, we found it to be a wide open space, and, as near as I can judge, about fifty or sixty feet

the widow's offering. 6*7

in circumference, with rough stone seats . around it, and natural pil- lars of the same, which appeared to support the roof, there was likewise a spring of excellent water, which was very acceptable to our parched lips, after walking through the heat of a mid-day sun ; but I was now informed that this was only the entrance of the cave, as the most in- teresting part was a great many fathoms beneath, which the ladies could not have the pleasure of seeing, as they were obliged to descend through a narrow passage'by ropes, which were fastened to one of the pillars, at the entrance. Two guides now made their appearance, with lighted torches, for the purpose of conducting the gentlemen in the sub- terraneous descent, when all of them, one after the other, descended. I was in constaut terror, fearing the rope might get unfastened, and pre- cipitate them to the bottom, which, if it had been the case, would have dashed them to pieces ; they, however, returned in safety, with the perspiration pouring off them, like rain. They informed us that they had been seventy fathoms below, and on entering the cave, it appeared like an enchanted castle, glittering with diamonds, proceeding from the reflection of the torches upon the congealed water, with which the cave was surrounded, and diversified in a thousand different shapes, many of which they had broken off, and filled their pockets ; but on exposing them to the daylight, their appearance was nothing more than a solid lump of glass, or porcelain.

We now unloaded our basket, spread the table-cloth along the rough seats, and after having arranged our provisions, we partook of a sump- tuous basket with some excellent cool wine and water, after which the seamen were called in to finish what was left. When, during the time we walked out over the hills, aud in the course of our rambles, found two or three cottages, which were occupied by soldiers aud their fami- lies. The mothers were washing, and several rosy-cheeked children were playing about the door, who all appeared cheerful and happy . but the gentlemen now reminded us that it was time to return, or the gate would be shut against us, the idea of which, was a terror to Mrs. Har. eon and myself, and we hastened back with all possible speed, when we found every thing was cleared away and packed up in the baskets. My husband hurried the men forward to prepare the boat, while we fol- lowed in haste. On reaching the gate, he informed me there was an hour yet to spare, which time he must occupy in transacting some busi- ness ashore, as the fleet was to sail the next morning, and after assisting me iu the boat, with orders to the sailors to carry me safe on board, he left me.

68 the widow's offering

On arriving at the ship, my two young prisoners were the first to spring upon deck, and lower the chair for my reception, which they drew up with precaution, and theu assisted me out of it — in short, they endeavored, by every respectful attentiou, to evince their gratitude. I felt thankful that I was once more on board, as the heat had been so oppressive during the day, that I was quite sick with a distressing headache, that I felt no inclination to go on shore at Gibraltar again,

My husband shortly came on board, and after joining him in a cup of tea, I went immediately to bed; but not to sleep, as I was extremely ill during the night with a high fever, and the following morning could not raise my head from the pillow. My husband became seriously alarmed, and said that the doctor should be sent for before they got under way, but I insisted that he should not come near me, as I should soon be better, and requested him to bring me a quart of cold water with a bowl and tumbler, of which I drank unsparingly, and with the remainder constantly bathed my' forehead and temples, and tried to compose myself to rest ; but alas there was no rest for me, as the uproar soon began upon deck, of heaving the anchor, hoisting the sails, running too and fro, and hallowing, accompanied with the motion of the vessel, which caused such a horrible sickness, that all which remained upon my stomach came forward, and I felt as if I should die there alone. 0 how much did I then feel the want of a female attendant. Where now, thought I is my beloved mother, who has ever been near to administer comfort and relief to me in sickness. O, did you but know the situation of your daughter how unhappy you would be, and I could not forbear sobbing aloud, in which state my husband found me, aud came down in haste to see how I was. Wiry my dear Eliza, what is the matter ; are you wrorse ? (and pressed his lips to my burn- ing temples.) 0 yes, you are. Why did you not allow me to send for the doctor ; but it is not too late yet, as I can send on board the Com- modore's ship where there is a skillful physician, and it is necessary that you should have advice immediately, as your flesh is burning like fire. But I told him it was no use for him to say anything more about it as I had made up my mind not to have one, aud requested him to hand me the medicine book and send the cook down to me. He said that I was very obstinate, but should have my own way. The old man immediately made his appearance. I asked him to make me some camomile tea. 0 dear madam, he replied, you are very sick, and ought to have a doctor. I told him that I had a great aversion to doctors, and would rather not have one. He then brought me the.

the widow's offering. 69

herbs, and some pills, and in a few minutes after my tea was made and brought down by him. He asked whether he could do anything else for me, or if I would like to have some gruel made. I told him that I could not take anything like food at that time, but if I wanted any I would let him know. My husband again came in, when I requested him to give the old man a glass of wine ; after having done so he ad- ministered my tea and medicine, among which was some opium. He then bathed my head with vinegar and water, and bound it up with a wet cloth, and desired William to attend upon me and not to leave the cabin unless he was called. He then requested me in the most affectionate terms to compose myself, and endeavor to get some sleep, and that he would come and see me as often as he could be spared from the deck.

After he was gone, I took copious draughts of my tea, which greatly relieved the sickness, and settled my stomach and shortly after I began to feel extremely drowsy, from the effects of the opium, and finally sunk into a broken slumber from which I frequently started, and called sometimes (as they told me) upon my mother, sister and absent friends. I continued in this state of delirium till nearly midnight, when the fever began to abate, and I slept at intervals the remainder of the night ; my head was likewise a little better, but I felt extremely weak and miserable, with a gnawiug and distress at my stomach, as I had not taken a mouthful of food for nearly two days. My old cook how- ever, made me some nice gruel in the course of the morning, and after taking some of it I felt more strengthened, but was too debilitated to leave my bed for several days after. In short, I was confined to my cabin about a week, during which time the fleet had made considerable progress, and my husband informed me that in a week or ten days we should be at Malta.

After having in a measure recovered my strength, I again visited the deck, where I could inhale the refreshing sea breeze, which contributed greatly to my recovery. My two young sailors came and inquired respectfully after my health. I looked at the grateful young men, (who reminded me of my own dear brother) and felt towards them a sisterly affection. I usually took my station upon deck for two or three hours each day, under the awning with my needlework or a book, and was often amused with looking at the sailors mending their clothes, which were generally done with the utmost precision, and any one who was unacquainted with their manners, and see their industry on board of ship, would think them the most prudent, economical men in the

1*

10 THE W1D0"W*S OFFFKING.

world. They made me a very handsome skipping rope with handles curiously woven, which I frequently made use of in the cool of the evening for exercise ; they likewise made me a swing, with a seat to it, which eould be shifted at pleasure, and my husband would sometimes stand and swing me for half an hour ; after which we would walk the deck together till a late hour, as the heat was so oppressive during the day that we could take but little comfort.

I was dreadfully alarmed one morning about sunrise, on seeing my husband spring out of bed and run upon deck without saying a word or dressing himself, and immediately after I heard a great running to aud fro, when the boat was lowered into the water. I arose in haste, threw on a morning wrapper, and went to the cabin window ; when lo, there sat the Captain, with nothing on but his shirt and drawers, and no hat upon his head, while six men were rowing as though it had been for their lives. I wondered with terror what could be the meaning of it, and was afraid that something dreadful had happened to the fleet ; they however went in a different direction, and cut through the water like lightniug. I watched them with my naked eye, till I could discern nothing any longer excepting my husband's shirt, which appeared like a white sheet upon the ocean. I then took the spyglass and observed them laying upon their oars, while one of them was taking something Out of the water which they put into the boat, they then moved a little farther and repeated the same thing, and so on to the third ; after which they came rowing back with the same velocity as they went. I concluded from their movements, that thay had beeu taking some kind of fish, but on their coming along-side, I perceived three large turtles laying in the bottom of the boat. My husband came laughing into the cabin, and would have caught me in his arms had I not pushed him away, as I felt indig lant towards him in going half- naked upon such a cruise. Why, my dear, he replied, if I had waited to dress myself, I should have lost the turtles, as two or three other boats were upon the alert, but seeing us make such headway they gave up the chase ; he further added that while I was sleeping, he heard one of the men say there were some turtles ahead, on which he sprung out of bed, and in so doing awoke me, but had not time to dress him- self or give me any information about it. He said they had been about three miles, and on arriving at the place, saw three of them sleeping upon the surface of the water, when they reached out their hands and took them in without any difficulty, and that this was the method in which they were usually oaught on a calm morning, while

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 71

they were asleep. The cook had now plenty of business on hand, to prepare two of the turtles for dinner, one for the cabin, and the other the crew, which he accomplished in due time, and to his credit — it was pronounced by all at table, to be the best turtle soup they had ever tasted.

There was nothing took place after this worth noting until our arri- val at Malta, which was in a few days after, on a lovely morning about four o'clock, when my husband came down and told me they were nearly entering the harbor, and asked me if I would like to go upon deck. I immediately arose and dressed myself and went up with him, and the first thing which caught my attention was three or four boats surrounding the ship, loaded with fruit, which consisted of Oranges, Lemons, Figs, Grapes, Pears, and many others of dried fruit which I cannot enumerate, of which we bought considerable, and found very delicious. Our ship moved slowly along, with scarce a breath of wind and the water so transparently clear that I could discern every stone and pebble at the bottom. The white stone buildings now began to make their appearance, and in half an hour after we were anchored in one of the most beautiful harbors in the world.

The city of Malta stands extremely high above the harbor, and you are obliged to ascend a lofty flight of steps to get to it. But the sum- mons now arrived for breakfast, which I attended to without any fur- ther observations, and before we had finished, several gentlemen came on board, one of whom was Mr. S. Housewood, (one of the brothers in company) — there being three brothers — one was stationed in England, and the other two on the Mediterranean, where they manufactured their wine — neither of them being married. After being introduced, Mr. H. congratulated me on our arrival at Malta, and gave my husband and me a passing invitation to come and stay at his house during the time we were there, and should expect us that day to dine with him. After promising that I would do myself the pleasure to attend, they each made a polite congee and departed, and all went on shore together. I then hurried William to clear away the breakfast things and put the cabin in order while I went into my own room and adjusted matters there. After having all things ready for dressing, my husband returned and requested me to be ready immediately as he had come purposely to conduct me on shore. I was soon prepared, and shortly after landed, and traveling up the enormous flight of steps, which almost deprived me of breath before I reached the top of them — we passed through two or three filthy looking streets, where all kinds of dirt was thrown

72 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

out before their doors, among which was multitudes of pigs eating and wallowing. The lower order of Maltese appeared more like savages than civilized beings. I found as we were passing along, that all the streets were paved with steps, and my husband informed me that they were all the same throughout Valette (which is the name of the incor- porated part of Malta.) and not a carriage could drive through the streets, but were obliged to go around the suberbs.

We had now arrived at the door of Mr. Housewood, and on knock- ing it was opened by a man servant who conducted us through a spacious hall and staircase, and then into a very large and handsomely furnished room, which appeared more like a church than a private dwelling, as the ceiling was almost as lofty, with windows reaching nearly as high. The floor I observed was paved with fine polished stone instead of boards, for the purpose of being cooler, which are left uncovered during the sultry months of summer, but on the approach of winter are covered with splendid Turkey carpets. My husband informed me that after having seen this house, I might judge of the rest, as they were all built much on the same plan. Mr. H. was not at home on our arrival, (which I omitted to mention,) but he now entered the room, and in a most polite and friendly manner welcomed me to his house; he added that it was bachelor's hall, and hoped that I would make allowance for all deficiencies. Indeed sir, I answered, I can see no room for an apology, as any stranger might suppose from the pre- cision and elegant appearance of your mansion, that you were blessed with a consort. O no, madam, he replied, I am a bachelor and keep none but men servants. I have no females about me. Then sir, I presume you are a woman hater. 0 by no means, he replied, I am a great admirer of ladies, but it is my intention to remain single until I retire from business, and then I shall marry.

Captain E. sat and laughed during our conversation — but come my dear, he said, shall I assist you in taking off your bonnet, which he began to untie, when Mr. H. exclaimed, pardon me madam, I had quite forgo tton, but you must excuse the iuattention of a bachelor. I smiled and told him it was of no eonsequeuce whatever. He then led the way to the dining room, and from that into two others, which were equally as large as the one we had left, and then into several smaller ones, which were occupied as bed-rooms, dressing-rooms, and so forth ; but dinner was now upon the table, and we again returned to the dining-room, where we were joined by three young gentlemen, who were clerks in the establishment.

the widow's offering. *73

After dinner was over, and the gentlemen Lad taken their wine, Mr. H. proposed taking a walk for the purpose of showing me the city, as the stores he said were all open by that time, it being then four o'clock. I inquired of him the meaning of the stores being open. He said that the Maltese merchants closed their stores at twelve o'clock, and did not open again till three, during which they go to bed ; they say that none but dogs and and Englishmen walk in those hours. We now sallied forth upon our excursion, and went through several clear nice looking streets with step pavements. The buildings are all of stone and of dazling whiteness, which appears at a short distance like marble. We went into some of the stores from curiosity, aud priced several articles, where there was a most elegant display of everything that was costly and splendid ; after purchasing some trifles, we again set out, and in our walk met several Maltese ladies, whom to be seen either in England or America would be taken for nothing more than common working women, while many are possessed of an independent fortune. Their outward appearance in the street is very mean, which is a large black shawl, or mantle thrown over their head, and reaching to their feet, in which they are completely enveloped, and drawn so closely over their face that you can scarcely perceive anything but their eyes and nose. The interior part of their dress is generally splendid? which is composed of the most costly silks, laces and jewelry, and on divesting themselves of their mantle affords a striking' contrast ; their complexion is of a dark swarthy color, but their figure mostly elegant, their manners are somewhat accomplished, but not so much so as the Italians, — ^the lower order are rough and uncouth. But to proceed ; after taking a good view of the ladies we walked briskly on till we arrived at St. John's church, which on entering, I perceived to be a superb edifice, richly hung with crimson tapestry, which represented all manner of scriptural characters. The floor was paved with small squares of marble, which were painted and engraved in similar pieces? and could be taken up and replaced again at pleasure ; the altar was adorned with beautiful pictures, and inlaid with all kinds of precious stones,and the ponderous candlesticks which were formerly of pure silver, but now only plated, were as large round as a man's wrist, and ^bout four feet in height, with wax candles to correspond. The gate aud rail- ings which inclosed the altar were higher than a man's head, and of solid silver which was painted black at the time of Bonaparte's taking Malta, who striped all the churches of their valuables — but previous to this the Catholic priests who were in expectation of his coming painted

74 the widow's offering.

the said gate and railing, and by that means preserved them. The paint had been scraped off in a number of places by travelers to convince themselves that it was really silver, as likewise did my husband, Mr. H and myself.

St. Johns was certainly the most splendid church I ever entered, but it was a Catholic one, and consequently, could not feel that admiration and awe, as I should have done, had it have been of a different denom- ination. We now left the church, and bent our steps homewards, I however reminded my husband that it was time to go on board ; but Mr. II., would not listen to it, as he said we must accompany him, in the evening, to the Opera, as he had engaged to go with the Marquis Car- bino aud his lady, and wished to introduce me to them, — he said that the Marchioness was an Italian lady, and spoke the English language fluently. I requested to be excused, as I had no dress on shore fit to go to the Opera in ; but he would take no denial, and said that my dress was quite handsome enough. I therefore had to submit ; but wrent immediately out with my husband and purchased some ornaments for my hair, aud then returned, took tea, and proceeded to the Marquis' house.

The Marchioness was a tall, finedookiug woman, with a handsome figure, but a dark complexion, and about the age of thirty-two. She was polite, agreeable and courteous, — in her remarks, she addressed me in English, and inquired whether I could speak Italian ; I told her I could not. I then apoligized for my appearance, as my dress, which was a white muslin, trimmed with lace, had become a little soiled in wearing it through the day. Your dress, my dear, (she replied,) is ele- gant and becoming, and requires no apology, and nature has done more for you than art could ever accomplish. I blushed, and bowed in re- turn for the compliment; in short, the Italians are so much given to flattery, that I have oftentimes been so confused, that I have not known what auswer to make ; but it was now time for the Opera, and after throwing a shawl upon our neck and a veil over our head, we repaired thither. I felt much disappointed in the appearance of the house, as it was dark aud gloomy, and miserably lighted up. The curtain shortly after drew up, when a number of dancers came forward, who performed their feat with great agility, after which came several performers, who, I presume, acted their parts well, which, however, was lost upon me, as I did not understand a single word, — then came on some beautiful singers, whose voices were sweet and melodious, a repetition of which, soon became so irksome, that I felt languid and weary, and wished my-

the widow's offering. 75

eelf away a dozen times — the Marchioness regretted much that I waa unacquainted with the language, as it was an interesting piece, and would have afforded me a great deal of pleasure but it was no disap- pointment to me, as I felt but little inclination to go, and sincerely re- joiced when it was over, which took place in a short time after ; we then bid the Marquis and his lady a good evening, and left the theatre. I requested my husband to go immediately on board, but Mr. H., so Btrongly opposed it, that we were obliged to comply with his wishes^ The next morning, however, after breakfast was over, and I had prom- ised to return to dinner, I accompanied him on board, where I remained till the appointed hour.

After having changed my dress, and put up some other wearing apparel to take with me, we again went on shore, and direct to Mr Housewood's. We found him in high spirits, and in company with three or four ladies, who had called, for the purpose of being introduced to me, and were waiting for my return. They were then introduced as the wives of several English merchants, residing at Malta. I observed the table covered with small slips of paper, some of which were folded up in the form of billets, and directed to differeut persons. I took up one, which was addressed to a lady, and enquired wheth- er he was writing love-letters. O no, madam, he replied; they are for quite a different purpose. (I still stood, with my bonnet and shawl in my hand.) Please to be seated, and I will tell you all about it. He theu informed me that it was his intention to give a splendid ball, in compliment of my arrival at Malta, and that he wished me to preside as mistress of the ceremonies. I bowed, and felt highly grati- fied. He continued. Those billets are cards of invitation , which the ladies have been assisting me to write ; all the English merchants and ladies will be invited, the captains and their ladies, and likewise the naval and army officers ; and as your time is so limited here, I have fixed upon the day after to-morrow for the occasion. The ladies then offered to come and assist me en the intervening day, in decorating the rooms, arranging the tables, refreshments, etc., which I thankfully ac- cepted, and after I had assisted them in finishing the cards, they hur- ried away, saying they should not be home in time for dinner. Mr. H., now ordered dinner, and in the meantime sent for my husband, who was attending to the discharge of his cargo, and after we had finished, the servants were sent in various directions with the invita- tions. In the meantime the two gentlemen went out together, and left me to amuse myself alone, the best way I could. I read, cut

76 the widow's offering.

ornaments for the candlesticks, and traversed the great mansion, from one end to the other, I believe I left no place unexplored, excepting the lower part, which was appropriated for stores, counting-house, and kitchen. The gentlemen returned about twilight — took tea — and spent the evening in reading and conversation. The following morning we arose betimes, knowing that there would be much to do on that daj ; ana after we had taken breakfast, the gentlemen again left me to manage by myself. It was not long, however, before a multiplicity of fruits of every kind which the country produced, were sent home, likewise cakes, pies, sweetmeats, wines, and cordials, in abundance; and while arranging them in the refreshment room, several ladies came in, some, I suspect, from curiosity, and others to assist. They all, how- ever, were extremely polite, and seemed desirous of lending their aid • those who had proffered their services on the previous day, remaiued till all things were completed. The iirst was to be the ball-room which was fancifully decorated with large artificial wreaths of roses and others kinds of flowers, elegant hangings, rich vases, and in short every thing that could be devised for a splendid appearance ; the next room was appropriated for refreshments, where there were tables to ac- commodate one hundred persons, which we arranged in a most tasteful and elegant style ; the third room was for the card-players, or those who did not choose to dauce; the fourth for a promenade, and the smaller ones for the ladies. All things were now prepared, and it be- ing late in the day, the ladies took their departure — they, as well as myself, had dispensed with our usual dinner, as the geutlemen had dined from home, for the purpose of not interfering with our arrangements ; we however had taken sufficient refreshments to compensate. I then gave orders to the servants to have tea prepared against their master's arrival, which was punctually obeyed, and after haviug lighted up the chandelier, which was suspended from the ceiling, I heard a loud laugh- ing aud talking to the hall, when the door was opened by Mr. H., who was followed by my husband and half a dozen gentlemen, who appear- ed flushed with wine. Mr. H., on entering, started back in a surprise at the appearance of the room, but coming forward, and bowing, said — Upon my honor, madam, you are deserving of our highest enconiums and please to accept my grateful ackoowlements; and as to my hus- band, he was so delighted, that he took me rudely around the neck, and kissed me. Come, come, Captaiu E., said Mr. H., I will not allow any such proceedings — you must remember that I am a bachelor, and if you take such liberties, you will put me in the notion of getting a wife, be-

the widow's offering. *77

fore I am ready for one. The gentlemen were then introduced to me after which I took my station at the tea-table, and after it was over, we arose and walked into the other apartments, when I uncovered the ta- bles and displayed to them all the arrangements we had made, and the rich varieties thereon, for which I was highly applauded. After we had taken a survey of all the apartments, and returned, the gentlemen seated themselves at the card-table, and invited me to join ; but I ex- cused myself by saying that I never played, which was truly the case, as I had an utter aversion to cards, all hough it was a very fashionable amusement in England, and introduced in every company, but I never touched them. I was passionately fond of music and dancing — but riding on horseback was the most favorite pastime. I sat and looked at them them till my eyes were almost closed in s'eep, and as they were deeply intent upon their game, I arose, and unobserved, retreated from the room into my bedroom, where, having committed myself in prayer to God, I composed myself to rest. It will, no doubt, seem strange to my readers that I should talk of praying, while mingling with the gay scenes of the world ; yet such was the case, that from child- hood's earliest years, I had been accustomed to repeat my prayers be- fore going to bed, — nor could I close my eyes until I had done it. I had, in prayer, a clear perception of my faults. I loved my God, and I loved the world ; and though divine things afforded me some comforf;, yet I found myself fast bound by the vanities of an alluring world, from which it would have been a difficult task to extricate myself, as I was allied to a man who was gay, thoughtless, and extravagantly fond of company ; on the other hand, I was flattered, admired and caressed, in every society, and consequently had but little time for reflection, or for aught but returning civilties, although the faithful monitor within would oftentimes reproach me with ingratitude to God ; but on again mingling in the gay circle, all was hushed and forgotten. 0 1 what a patient and long-suffering God have we to deal with ! How long does he bear with his rebellious children, before he lays his chastening rod upon them ! I had often wondered that he had not cut me off in the midst off my sins, and sent me where hope could never come ; but blessed and adored be His holy name, he has watched me from child- hood, and kept me from sinking into the abyss ; he has snatched me as a brand from the burnings, aud set my feet upon the rock of eternal ages ! But to return to my narrative. I left the gentlemen playing at cards, aud know not the hour they broke up, nor at what time my hus- band came to bed, as I remember nothing more till the next morning,

8

78 the widow's offering.

when, after having taken breakfast, we went immediately on board of the ship, where I remained till after dinner, when, selecting a dress and ornaments for the ball, we again went on shore, and after taking an early tea, withdrew into my bedroom to prepare for the occasion.

At eight o'clock the band arrived, which immediately struck up the national music of " God save the king," and in less than an hour the room was overflowing with elegance, youth and beauty. The room was large enough for fifty couple in a contra dance. The company now began to select their partners, when a handsome young officer in the army engaged me for his. My husband did not dance, and there- fore took his seat at one of the card-tables. I should much rather have had a naval officer for a partner, than one of the army ; but I well knew the etiquette of a ball-room, that if I had refused him, I must have refused all, and could not have danced any that night. Mr. H., now formally introduced us to each other, and as the ball was given in compliment to me, I of course had to take my station at the head, and lead the first dance, of fifty couple. When by the time we arrive d at the bottom I was so exhausted, that I felt as if 1 should faint ; my partner, however, procured me a seat, which I had scarcely taken pos- session of, when I was obliged to take my turn with the next couple that came down — the next, and so on, till we arrived again at the top- The second time we were going down, my husband came and looked at us for a short time, and then returned again to the card room. The dance was soon finished, and fresh partners engaged ; but before we were seated, my partner engaged me for the ne it, and while we were goiug down, I perceived my husband standing near the head of the set, and was shortly afterward joined by Mr. II., who surveyed the dancers for a few moments, and then seated themselves upon the sofa, where they remained until we had finished. In the meantime my part- ner engaged me for the third dance ; but, on coming near the sofa, my husband arose, and met me — Come, Eliza, he said, you have danced enough for the present, you will fatigue yourself too much : the officer also arose This lady is my partner, sir, (he said) for the next dance, and by whose authority do you deprive me of her. By the most sub- stantial, (he replied.) But Mr. H., seeing the altercation growing high between them, interfered, and said there must have been some mis- take. Why, replied the officer, did you not introduce this young lady as Miss Elliott. By no means (he replied)— I introduced her as Mrs Elliott ; 6he is the wife of this gentleman, who is commander of my ship. Then, sir, (he answered) I have been all the evening under an

the widow's offering. 79

unhappy mistake ; I had flattered myself that this lady was single. He looked very much chagrined and disappointed, while my husband drew my arm in his, gave him a significant nod, and conducted me into the supper-room, where nearly all the company had assembled to re- fresh themselves ; he then asked me the reason of my dancing so long with that red-coat ; I told him that I could not avoid it, that he had en- gaged me each time before any other could have an opportunity, and if I had refused him, I could not have accepted any one else ; well, he said, you shall not dance with him any longer, I don't like him ; but, I replied, I am engaged to dance with him again, and it will be the height of ill-breeding and ill-usage to disappoint him ; I don't care, he replied — I am determined that you shall not dance with him again ; I asked him the reason why ; he said because they were an insignificant set of fellows — had he been a naval officer, he would have had no objection to my daneiug with him all night, if I had been so inclined; well, I replied, you have brokeu up dancing for the evening, as I shall dance no more.

Mr. H. came in shortly after. Here is a fine blundering piece of business, he said, that we have been making with this introduction. Captain Rayner says he was never so disappointed in his life, as he certainly thought that you was a young unmarried lady, and had already placed his affections upon you as such, and it was his intention to have made a profession in the course of the evening had not the mistake been discovered; he has spoken in very flattering terms of you madam, and pronounced you to be one of the best dancers in the room. I told him that when he engaged me for a partner, I had no idea of there being any mistake in the introduction, and was extremely sorry if I had been the cause of any uneasiness, and would take the earliest opportunity to apologize ; but he said it was now too late, as the Captain had taken his departure some time before. Well sir, I replied, if that is the case, I will esteem it a favor if you will apologize for me, for the rudeness and contempt he has received from me. He promised me that he would comply with my request. I then took some refreshments, and again returned to the ball-room with my hus- band, who sat with me and looked at the dancers. I was invited by several to join, but declined, fearing there might be some other mistake. The dancing continued until four o'clock in the morning, when the com- pany dispersed ; after which I retired to my bedroom, and slept till twelve o'clock that day. I continued at Mr. H.'s the remainder of the day and assisted in restoring things again to order ; but my husband

80 THE 'widow's offering

requested me not to fatigue myself too much, as there was a party made up for the following day to visit St. Paul's cave on the opposite side of the Island. On hearing this I concluded to go on board, and when he went, I accompanied him thither.

On the following morning after we had breakfasted, I prepared for the excursion, and again weut on shore, where we joined our party, and walked as far as the extremity of the pavement, where carriages were in waiting. They were small, mean looking vehicles, something in the form of the English carriages, but only large enough to contain two persons. The drivers were dirty fellows, and barefooted, and ran all the way with the reins in then- hands, by the side of the carriage. They drove at a pretty rapid pace and soon alighted near a beautiful aviary of Canary and Mule birds, which sent forth the most melodious notes of the kind I ever heard ; there were several hundreds of them enclosed, and a number of small trees or bushes for them to light upon. This aviary is a place for the purpose of breeding them, and hundreds are exported to different parts of the world. After we had viewed them for a considerable time, we proceeded on till we arrived at a beautiful Orange Grove, where the blood Oranges are cultivated. The na"me of this fruit is derived from being ingrafted with the Pomegran- ate, which is exceedingly delicious to the taste — having the flavor of both the afosesaid fruits. The interior has the resemblance of the Pomegranate, but not quite so red. I have never heard of this fruit being cultivated in any other part but Malta. The trees are so low that we could reach the fruit with our hands. "We plucked several of the Oranges, but they were not sufficiently ripe to be good ; I had tasted them in England, some of which my husband brought the pre- ceding voyage. Their size is half as large again as the common orange. After walking through the grove and reposing ourselves for a short time under the trees, we again proceeded, and in half an hour we were opposite the St. Paul's Bay, when we alighted and walked a short distance, in order to have a more perfect view of that celebrated creek where our illustrious Apostle was shipwrecked while on his journey to Rome. I cannot describe the sensation I felt while viewing it — it reminded me of the days of our blessed Saviour, when he was travel- ing through this unfriendly world alone, despised and rejected of men, and likewise of the wonderful manner he had raised up Paul as a light and a leader of the Gentiles, of his miraculous escape from shipwreck, while journeying to vindicate himself in the cause of Christ. In short, my ideas crowded so fast that I was unconcious of the guide making

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 81

his appearance who was to conduct us to the Cave ; when my husband catching me by the arm — come my dear, he said, arouse from your revery and let us follow the guide. We did so, and were immediately there. On entering the door, or aperture of the Cave, there is a lamp which the guide informed us was always kept burning ; there was likewise a small box fastened near it with a slit in the top for the pur- pose of collecting money to pay the expense of oil. Every individual is obliged to put in a trifle, or what they may think proper. After paying our toll, we entered the cave, which appears dark and gloomy, and on advancing towards the center I sprung back with afright at the appearance of a tall figure standing in the midst ; and inquiring who it represented, they told me it was the statuo of St. Paul. The guide who had now come forward wTith an extra light, informed us in broken English, that after St. Paul and his crew had made their escape from the wreck and safely landed on the shores of Malita, (as it was called at that time,) this was the- spot where they first reposed their wearied limbs, and this is the place where the viper fastened itself upon his hand, which he threw off without being injured, and that his statue had been made at Rome and sent to Malta to be placed in this spot, in commemmoration of those events, as likewise of that great and zealous Apostle. He informed us that the Cave had been greatly enlarged by visitors cutting off pieces and carrying it away as a sacred relic. We asked him if we might be permitted to take some of it also. He said yes, a small piece. We each of us however, took a good lump — and mine I kept for several years, but in moving about to dif- ferent parts, it was lost, which I however lamented.

We then left the Cave and were conducted to the Church, which was smaller, and not so splendid as are the Romish churches in general. There were several beautiful scriptural paintings which we were ex- amining, when the door-keeper came up and displayed to us a golden hand, wherein he said was incased the hand of St. Paul, which was attacked by the viper ; as after his death it was taken off, and a golden case made for it, to be kept as a memento of that miracle. We how- ever placed but little confidence in the report, although we did not contradict him, as we knew that the Roman Catholics were the most superstitious people in the world. After taking a scrutinous observa- tion of the hand we left the church, and were conducted7 into a subter- raneous town or city, beneath which the natives had inhabited during a siege of some centuries before, and while it was in possession of the enemy ; it was dug out of entire clay;, which was- o£ a hard substance

8*

82 the widow's OFFTHryG.

as though it had been baked. There were different parts for each fam- ily, and bed places according to the number. There was likewise a mill for grinding their corn, and large pillars which appeared to sup- port the roof, all dug out and framed of the same material ; there were also streets, and one which led under the entire city, and suburbs of Malta, through a subterraneous passage, by which means they ob- tained their provisions. The guide led us on so far that I became terrified for fear of the torch light going out, and enveloping us in darkness, (as there was not a ray of daylight to be seen,) and request- ed my husband to return immediately, which he intimated to the rest of the company, who all agreed to this proposal, as there were others as timorous as myself ; we accordingly retraced our steps with all pos- sible speed, and I was truly thankful when I again beheld the light of" heaven.

After having rewarded the guide for his trouble, we took possession of our seats in the carriages, and rode as far as the Orange grove where we alighted and took from the vehicle some refreshments we had brought with us, and seating ourselves upon the grass beneath the trees — made a delightful repast, as our appetites had become pretty keen, which gave every thing an exquisite relish. We regaled and amused ourselves with eating, conversation, and singing, likewise rambling about the grove for an hour and a half, when we again ascended our carriages and drove off for Valette, where we arrived in a very short time. We called upon one of those ladies who assisted me at the ball, who with her husband gave us a pressing invitation to spend the evening with them, but Captain E. excused himself by in- forming them he should sail on the ensuing day, and had considerable business to accomplish in the intervening time. I added that we would make them a visit on our return. We then proceeded to Mr. House- woods, where we remained that night, and on the following morning, after we had taken breakfast, I picked up my scattering garments,, bid farewell to Mr H and accompanied my husband on board the ship. I felt happy on once more being seated in my little stateroom, as I there had time for reflection, which comfort was deprived me while mingling with the gay sceues of the world. Our excursion of the pre- eeeding day afforded me much for contemplation, as it led me back to to the days ol the Apostle when he was raised up as a preacher of the everlasting gospel, to us poor benighted Gentiles, and likewise to know that I witnessed the Bay of Ins shipwreck, his cave of refuge, and his own likeness, standing in the midst, and that I had trodden the same

the widow's offering. 83

ground which he had trod. Those and similar reflections produced more satisfaction than all the ball-rooms or places of amusement could have done. The image and memory of St. Paul, is still worshiped by the natives as a Demigod ; his image is placed in many corners of the different streets, to which, while passing, they will mutter a few words and cross themselves, aud sometimes drop upon one knee. St Paul's day, (or santa paulo as they call it,) is one of the greatest days they have in Malta, which I shall give an account of hereafter, as it did not take place till after our return.

It now being the dinner hour my husband came on board, when he

gave orders for the anchor to be weighed, and in an hour after, the

ship was under weigh, bending her course towards Palermo. We

moved gently along during the night with a light breeze, but the heat

was so insupportable that I could not lay in bed, and was obliged to

walk the cabin till nearly daylight. My husband laid himself along

side the locker — the wind gradually died away, and by sunrise it was

a dead calm. After we had taken breakfast, I went upon deck, and

perceived the sailors as well as the Captain appeared very impatient,

they were frequently casting their eyes upwards, and whistling for a

breeze. They waited in suspense for about a couple of hours, during

which a small cloud had been for a short time gathering, which the

captain was anxiously watching ; a light breeze began to ripple the

water, and he called out in haste, hurah my boys, we are agoing to

have squall — in with that foresail. Aye, aye, sir, was the reply. The

mainsail, reef the topsail, lowe r the gib — aye, aye sir, was responded

from all parts of ship. The wind had by this time increased to a gale,

and the ship was upon her beam- ends, when my husband came near

were I was holding fast — Eliza, my love, he said, what are you doing

upon deck in this tempest ? Go below, — you will be blown overboard

if you remain here. I will not go below, I replied, and be fastened

down as I was before — and if the ship should upset be left to perish

in the cabin — if I am to go I would wish to see my way. You are

very obstinate he replied, and a vivid streak of lightning crossed my

eyes, which was immediately ^followed by a loud clap of thunder

There he exclaimed, we shall immediately have the rain pouring down

in torrents; you had better go below. But I calmly replied, I would

rather not while the red lightning angrily gleamed through the rigging,

and loud claps of thunder succeeded each other. The big drops of rain

now began to descend, when my husband ran down into the steerage

and brought up a Tarten plaid cloak, (which were then worn by gen-

84 the widow's offering.

tlemen.) and which lie threw over my head and shoulders, and fasten- ed it together. He then lifted me off the hencoop where I was hold- ing fast with all my might, and seated me upon the deck, and wanted to lash me fast, which I would not consent to, but told him that I would hold on tight till the storm subsided, which was shortly the case ; as the clouds having passed the contending elements immediately abated, and all again became calm. The squall lasted altogether about twenty minutes. I threw off my dripping cloak, and with his assistance reach- ed the cabin, when he gave me a good scolding for my obstinacy. I •told him he must never attempt to confine me below upon such occa- sions again, as I would not submit to it, and be so terrified as I had been in the preceding storm, while fastened below ; and that I had heard of ladies being confined in the cabiu, when, it filled with water from which they could not be extricated and were drowned, while those upon deck were saved. Yes he replied, but in such a squall as this there were far more danger upon deck than in the cabin, as I was liable each moment to be washed overboard ; but, he added, you must be heroic on such occasions, and not give way to fear, as these sudden squalls frequently occur in the Mediterranean sea, which are generally of short duration. Well, I replied, I never wish to be in such another, and thus ended our contest, during which I had changed my wet gar- ments for dry ones, and felt as much refreshed as though I had taken a bathing; I likewise returned thanks to God for his sparing mercies in again snatching us from the jaws of death. Oh thought I, what a slender thread does our lives hang upon, and how little do we realize it, while going life's giddy round, and our actions oftentimes appear as though we were never to be seperated from earth. Would to God, that we could feel more sincerely impressed for that solemn event.

But to proceed — I had forgotten to mention that previous to our leaving Malta, my husband had purchased for me an Italian Grammar and Dictionary, which he said was highly necessary for me to study, as we were going among people, where there was no English spoken, and that he would be my teacher, as he understood the language. I accordingly commenced my studies, with much alacrity ; he conversed with me-altogether in Italian, and explained each word, when he had spoken it, but I made such slow progress, that we arrived at Palermo, before I had learned twenty words. We anchored in the harbor of that Capitol, about nine o'clock in the morning, and at eleven, I accompa- nied my husband on shore, and proceeded with him to the merchant's house, to whom part of our cargo was consigned, whose name was Clay-

the widow's offering. 85

ter ; he was a German, but Lis wife an Italian lady. He conducted us up a high flight of stairs, and into a parlor, where Mrs. Clayter and her sister were sitting, to whom we were introduced ; they immediate- ly arose, and saluted me in Italian, which my husband answered, and began to divest me of my bonnet and scarf, but I inquired of him, whether he was going to remain there any length of time ; he said that we had an invitation to dine with them, which he had accepted, and that Mr. Clayter and him were going for a short time, upon some busi- ness, during which, I must amuse myself with the ladies, as well as I could. I told him that I should feel very unpleasantly situated, not knowing the language, and entreated him to be as expeditious as pos- sible. He promised me that he would return iu half an hour, and then left us.

Mrs. C, appeared about the age of thirty, tall, and of a dark com- plexion, but extremely cheerful, free, and easy in her manners ; her sis- ter was almost the counterpart of herself. She had likewise a daugh- ter, of ten years old, who resembled her father, having a much lighter complexion than her mother, of which they were very proud. They talked iucessantly to me, of which I could understand but very few words. They appeared to regret that I was unacquainted with their language, and would ask, with a sorrowful countenance, " Non parlie Italiano, signora." I shook my head, and answered, " Non capeta, ig- nor,'' (which is, I don't understand.) M"s. C. then took me round the neck and kissed me, patted me on the cheek, and exclaimed, '■ 0 che bella signora — che bella rosa biancha." I could, however, understand suffi- cient to know that she was either flatteriug or admiring, as I knew that bella was beautiful, that signora was lady, that rosa was red, and bian- cha was white. The ladies now conducted me through several elegant apartments, and wTere continually annoying me with questions, which I could not answer. I was extremely impatient for my husband's return, and felt indignant that he should leave me so long among strangers and foreigners. I walked out upon the balconade, and looked up the street in the directiou they went, but could see nothing of them, when I could contain myself no longer, and burst into tears. The ladies seemed in great consternation to know what was the matter, and asked twenty questions in a moment, to which I could only answer, — Oh, mia marta mio caro marita, which is in English — Oh, my husband, my dear hus baud. They screamed out into a moderate fit of laughter, but at the same time endeavored, by the most affectionate treatment, to console me Mrs. C„ took her white handkerchief and wiped the tears from my

86 the widow's offering.

cheeks, and kissed me, and then led me into a room, where she dis- played to my view a splendid assortment of jewelry, and presented me with a beautiful amber necklace, after which, they each took an arm, and led me upon the house-top, and into their next neighbor's, who was likewise an Italian, and who joined with them in the laugh against me. I however disregarded their mirth, as there were other objects to excite my attention. I observed the roofs of the houses were all flat, and that we could walk the whole length of the street on the tops of them, which were handsomely railed on either side, white boxes and flower pots ranged against them, containing all kinds of choice plants and beautiful flowers ; in short, it was a delightful promenade for nu- merous companies to walk in the cool of the evening, and it forcibly re- minded me of our blessed Saviour, when in his parables and instruc- tions, he so frequently mentions the house-tops. The inhabitants of those eastern climes generally reside in the second or third stories, as they are much cooler than below. But the ladies again took me bv the arm and conducted me down into the dining-room, where sat Mr. C, and Captain E., in such close conversation, that they did not observe us on entering. Mrs. C. however, soon gave them to understand that we were there, as she began immediately to relate the pitiful story of my uneasiness, which excited much risibility in the features of my husband. For my part, I was so provoked, that I had scarce patience to speak to him. I, how- ever, gave him to understand that he should never serve me so again. He said that his staying so long was unavoidable, as he had been en- gaging a cargo for Messina, and could not accomplish the business any sooner. I told him that whenever he had any business to transact in fu- ture, to leave me on board until it was accomplished.

We now sat down to dinner, which appeared very inviting, but on tasting it, my heart almost turned, as everything was cooked in olive oil, instead of butter. There was, however, some excellent bread and good old English cheese, and a variety of fruit, of wlrch I made a stump- tuous dinner. I was much surprised at seeing a bottle of wine and a tumbler placed by the side of each plate, and inquired of my husband the meaning ; he told me it was the fashion of the country, and that this was what they called their small wine, which was very weak, and drank the same as our common table-beer in England. Two or three of the best kinds of wine, however, were introduced after dinner, of which the gentlemen partook, with some fruit, and then arose from the table. The ladies now proposed a walk, which my husband cheerfully agreed to, as he wished me to see as much of Palermo, as possible, during the

the widow's offering. 87

short time we were to be there. We accordingly equipped ourselves, and walked out through many of the principal streets, which were gen- erally narrow, with the buildings five or six stories in height, and con- sequently produced a gloomy appearance. Yet, notwithstanding, Pal- ermo is a beautiful city, as there are many other streets more spacious- It has likewise upwards of an hundred churches, and almost as many convents, with chapels, all of which are Roman Catholic.

"We now bent our steps towards the public promenade, opposite the sea shore, where all the fashionables resort each evening, to ride or walk. We there beheld several of the royal family of Naples, who were riding in open carriages. The females were without bonnets, their heads being adorned with artificial flowers ; they appeared highly rouged, insomuch that we could almost see it plastered upon their faces. But the sun was now sinking far in the west, and it was time to return, which I intimated to my husband ; but Mr. and Mrs. Clayter gave us a polite invitation to make their house our residence during our stay at Palermo, which I politely refused, as I had no desire te be placed in the same dilemma as that ef the morning, and therefore bade them a good evening, with a promise to call on the following day.

All hands were aioused the next morning, by daylight, to diccharge what freight was consigued to Mr. C, which they accomplished by noon, and immediately after began to take in that for Messina ; and in less than a week, after taking leave of our Italian friends, we were on our way to Messina. We had been out but a short time, when my husband called me upon deck to take a view of Mt. ^Etua. I hastily threw a shawl over my shoulders, (as it was near twTilight,) and ran up, when I beheld the burning mountain nearly opposite to us, and volumes of sparks, with a trifling blaze, was issuing from the crater. I remained upon deck till some time after dark. The fire and sparks appeared like one solid mass, and looked awfully .sublime. O, I thought how wonderful are the works of God — and how did those volcanoes origin- ate, or from whence do they proceed. I remained in deep contempla- tion till some time after wTe had passed the mountain, when my hus- band reminded me that I was in the night air and would be liable to take cold. I slowly arose from my seat, and descended into the cabin, there to meditate upon the mysterious works of Jehovah, which are in- comprehensible and past fiuding out, with similar reflections. After committing myself into the hands of my Heavenly Father, I retired to rest.

Nothing particular occurred after this till our arrival at Messioa,

88 the widow's offering.

which was about twelve o'clock, at noon. On the third day after leav- ing Palermo, my husband wished me to accompany him on shore, which I declined, untill he was more at leisure, as I dreaded being again left alone with foreigners, whom I could not understand. He accordingly went without m°, performed his business, and returned in time to take his tea, after which I took a seat with him in the boat ; but it being bo near evening, we weut no farther than the Marino, which is opposite the harbor, and where there were a great number of people walking. It had been once a public promenade, similar to that of Palermo, but more splendid, with magnificent buildings of dazzling white stone, resem« bling marble, which extended more than a quarter of a mile in length and was the most interesting spot in Messina, but was now laying in a solitary heap of ruins, which was occasioned by one of those dreadful earthquakes, which in those regions so frequently occur. A melancholy awe stole over me, while viewing this monument of fallen grandeur, and led me to reflect upon the just judgments of God, who, perhaps, in this disastrous event, had, in a moment, crushed hundreds to atoms. I walked a considerable distance over the ruins, where I beheld beauti- tiful columns, pillars, and ornaments of various descriptions, all broken in pieces, — many of which, we were Informed, that were fit for use, had been taken for other buildings ; but it now being too dark to distinguish anything more, we returned on board.

On the following day, after dinner, I again accompanied my husband on shore, when he conducted ,uie to (he merchant's store to whom the freight was consigned, who was an Englishman, and an unmarried man ; he, however, kept house, and a number of men servants to conduct it. He invited us into the parlor, which was neatly furnished in the Eng- lish style, and had as much the appearance of domestic comfort as though he had been married. He invited us on shore, at an early hour on the fol- lowing day, as a novice, or nun, was to take the veil, and enter a con- vent for life, which was generally a day of rejoicing with the Catholics, and would be an interesting sight to those who had never seen one — he likewise invited us to dine with him on that day, and promised to ac- company us to the exhibition. After thanking him for his politeness with a promise of being punctual in attendance, we wTalked out to take a view of the city. The streets were all handsomely paved with large flag stones, and the exterior appearance of the buildings similar to those of Malta, with windows reaching to the floor and balconies in the front, where there were sitting groups of gentlemen and ladies in the shady side of the house of the second story. I likewise observed, in our walk,

THE

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a number of churches, convents, and stores ; some of the latter we eu- tered, and purchased several articles, and proceeded to a confectioner's, where we regaled ourselves with ice-creams, and other refreshments; after which we returned to the Marino, where we beheld about thirty young priests, or students, who were dressed in their clerical robes, and walking in procession. After they had passed, we again entered the ruins, which I explored with the utmost scrutiny, in the hope of finding eorne valuable relic as a memento of the dreadful catastrophe. My search was, however, in vain, as had there been anything of the kind, it was two deeply buried beneath the ruins to be found ; and as it was now nearly dark, we again returned to our floating residence, when I immediately ordered tea, as I was both hungry and fatigued, after which I sat for an hour, and studied my Italian, as my husband ad- dressed me altogether in that language, while on board, which I was obliged to answer as well as I could, and, with his instruction, was mak- ing considerable progress.

After we had breakfasted, on the following morning, we prepared, and went on shore, and, agreeable to appointment, direct to the person's house, who was waiting for us. We immediately set out for the con- vent, and on arriving there, found a great crowd already assembled. Mr. P., conducted us to a small window, with a grating before it, through which we perceived, in a room opposite, the Lady Superior and the young noviciate, who were sitting at a small table, with each a silver cup before them, which they frequently raised to their lips. The young nun was dressed in white, and ornamented with a profusion of jewels, but a countenance of death-like paleness. They remained but a few minutes after our arrival, when they arose and left the room. Mr. P., then con- ducted us round the church, wThich was adjoining the convent ; but the crowd had become so dense, that we could perceive nothing else ; he, however, requested one of the doorkeepers to procure me a chair, or something to stand upon, that I might have a view of the procession. Two chairs were immediately brought, which the gentlemen placed to- gether, making a comfortable stand for us all. We now had an unob- structed view of the altar, which was decorated with all kiuds of artificial flowers, fancifully interwoven with other ornaments ; twelve large silver candlesticks, as high as a man, and in circumference the size of an arm, with lighted wax candles, were ranged on each side of the altar, and a bier, for carrying the dead, wj\s placed in the front. The altar was large enough to contain one hundred people.

The procession now began to advance from the convent, through the

9

90 the widow's offering.

church, op to the altar. The bishop came first, with his attendants, drest in his ecclesiastical robes, with a mitre upon his head, and pend- ants hanging to the shoulders ; the next came a long train of priests, dressed in their canonical robes ; then the Lady Abbess and the young noviciate, who was now divested of all her ornaments, and dressed in deep black, with a veil of crape, covering her from head to foot, and lastly, followed all the nuns of the convent. The bishop then delivered an exhortation, in Latin, after which, the whole choir of nuns sung an anthem, while the priests threw up incense, which perfumed ihe whole church. The veil was then taken off the nun, and she was lifted up by the priests, and laid upon the bier, who spread over her a black velvet pall. The funeral rites were then performed, while the great bell tolled the knell of death. They then arose from their knees and chaunted the funeral dirge, and after having repeated a short prayer, in Latin, the bishop removed the pall, which displayed to our view, a countenance, more the resemblance of death, than that of a living person. She was now raised from the bier, by the priests, when the bishop laid his handa upon her head, and pronounced a blessing. The Lady Abbess now came forward, and, after having replaced the veil upon her, led her away between a nun and herself, back to the convent, where she was to be immured for life, (as she was now dead to the world,) and never more to mingle in society. The procession moved back to the convent much in the same order as they advanced, and the spectators slowly dispersed ; but the bells of the city now struck up a merry peal, a round of cannon was fired, squibs, crackers, and fireworks of various kinds, were flying, in all directions, booths were erected, with all kinds of re- freshments, houses of entertainment were opened in all parts of the city ; in short it was a general day of rejoicing among the Catholics. It now being near three o'clock we accompanied Mr. Pearson home to dinner. I then inquired of him who the lady was, and for what reason she had immurred herself in a convent ? He said that it was in con- sequence of a disappointment in marriage; as her inconstant lover had deserted her and married another, after which she retired to a convent with the determination never again to mingle with the world. She possessed a brilliant fortune which was to be invested in the convent.

After spending an hour or two with Mr. P. we returned highly grat- ified with what we had seen ; and on the following day, Captain E. informed me that he and all the British commanders in port, as like- wise many others, had accepted an invitation from a Catholic Priest, to spend the day with him at his residence in the country, ten miles

the

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distant from Messina, and added that I must accompany him. I inquired whether there were to be any ladies in the party. I believe not he replied — I think there are no English ladies at Messina. If that is the case I replied, I shall not go. But I insist upon it, he answered^ that you shall go, as I wish you to take all the comfort you can while you are with me. I remonstrated with him upon the impropriety of going in company with so many gentlemen, without any other female ; but all my remonsti-ances availed nothing, and I was under the neces- sity of giving a reluctant consent — horses were accordingly engaged that evening for the excursion, and a gentle creature for myself.

We arose the next morning by daylight, and after taking an early breakfast, I equipped myself in my riding-dress and repaired immedi- ately to Mr. Parsons, and there purchased a new side-saddle. The gentlemen soon began to make their appearance, and by 8 o'clock we were all seated, and on our journey. The road was delightfully even and pleasant, but the surrounding country presented nothing but a soli- tary desert — not a shrub nor tree could be seen as far as the eye could extend, except now and then a bush of prickly pears. 0, thought I, where are the lovely trees bending with fruit — the beautiful green fields and pastures, as we have iu England. I felt disappointed, and inquired of my husband, why the land was in such an uncultivated state. He said that the parching heat of the sun prevented anything from growing, which might be obviated by having acqueducts, (as there was sufficient water at a short distance,) but the natives were too indo- lent to trouble themselves with agriculture ; they are very particular in promoting the culture of grapes, figs, olives, and oranges, which are generally near their habitations. But to proceed — we pursued our journey with alacrity, and arrived safe at the old priest's about eleven o'clock. The reverend gentleman met us at the door, and gave us a most flattering and welcome reception. He conducted me into the house and introduced me to an Italiau lady, (a connexion of his,) who presided at the head of his family. He was a single man, (as Catholic Priests are not allowed to marry,) but kept an establishment notwithstanding. I perceived monks and servants, male and female running about in various directions. Wine, cake, fruit and sweetmeats, likewise bread and cheese was set before us — of which the gentlemen partook with an unsparing appetite.

After having plentifully regaled ourselves, our hospitable priest invited us to walk out with him into his garden, with which he seemed to be enraptured ; but to us it appeared more like a wilderness than a

92 the widow's offering.

garden — as fruit, flowers and weeds, were growing together in wild disorder. There was, however, a variety of a beautiful grapes, figs and oranges. After walking several times round the garden, we returned to the house. Our gentlemen were then furnished with several muskets by the priest, to amuse themselves with till dinnertime. I followed them with my eyes till they were out of sight, and then returned to the house — but soon found that I was again left alone with none but Italians, who were continually annoying me with questions which I could not answer. The reverend priest was about the age of fifty — a fine looking man — extremely polite and very loquacious ; he talked incessantly, of which I could understand but little. I however watch- ed the first opportunity of his absence, and walked out, where I amused myself till the gentlemen returned, which was about three o'clock, the hour appointed for dinner. They had taken considerable game, which they offered to the priest ; but he politely refused, saying, wild fowl were in abundance about his estate, and could be procured at any time. Dinner was now served, a most sumptuous banquet, which consisted of various kinds of flesh, fish and fowl, puddings, pies, cakes, wines, cor- dial, fruit, and the best bread I think I ever ate. Seventeen sat down to the table, thirteen of whom belonged to our party. The ostler had orders in the mean time to prepare the horses. Our sporting gentle- men ate with a voracious appetite, and finished with a plentiful supply of wine, which began to operate by the time we arose from the table, as they appeared in high glee, and left the room to ook after their horses.

I followed slowly in the rear, when I beheld my husband taking the side-saddle from my horse and placing it upon his own. I inquired for what reason he was doing it ? He said it was his intention that I should ride his horse, and he would take mine. I told him that I should be afraid to ride such a spirited animal. He however, insisted upon it — there would be no danger, and added that he was such a beautiful creature, he wished me to ride him. I knew it would be in vain to make any resistance, as he had just taken sufficient wine to make him obstinate. I was accordingly mounted upon my beautiful Arabian horse, which appeared very impatient to be gone. Our party being all seated, we bid farewell to our generous clergyman. A servant was ordered to attend us two or three miles on our journey fearing we might take a contrary road. Some of the gentlemen set off at a furi- ous rate, cutting each horse as they passed to make them go with more velocity. For my part I trembled so that I could scarcely keep my

the widow's offering. 93

seat, as I expected every moment some of them would be thrown They continued their antics for about half a mile, when one of them gave a lash witli his whip across the back of my horse, and then set off upon a full gallop ; mine of course followed with frantic speed, and soon outstripped the other. I drew the reins tight and placed my feet firmly in the stirrup for support, when to my terror and dismay it broke. I felt that I was going, and caught hold of the pummel of the saddle, to which I clung and screamed loudly for them to stop the horse ; but before that could be affected, the saddle slipped, and I was thrown with the utmost velocity upon a hillock of hard clay and graveL A doctor of the army who was one of our party, and my husband were immediately upon the spot, who inquired anxiously whether I was hurt. I told him not seriously, although at the same time I was in such pain that I could not alter my position without assistance. I fell upon my left side, and from the excessive pain, I was fearful my hip was dislocated. The Doctor requested me not to let delicacy pre- vent my informing him where I was hurt, as it was highly necessary for him to know. He said that I must be bled as soon as we arrived at some convenient place.

In the mean time the servant of the priest rode back with the utmost speed to inform his master of the accident, who like the good Samari- tan, sent a man and two of his female servants with a basket of bottles, vials and brandies, to bathe and bind up my wounds, with a kind invi- tation for me to return to Lis house and remain there until I had recovered ; but I declined, with an acknowledgment for his hospitality as I wished to be near my husband, and return to Messina, as soon as possible. Some of our foremost gentlemen on seeing my horse flying before them without its rider, pursued and overtook him, and now arrived with the culprit and likewise the naval officer, who had caused the mischief. He apologized with much regret for his unguard- ed conduct, and said it would be a lesson for him in future. The Ostler now removed the saddle and repaired the stirrup which he said was perfectly secure, and then replaced it upon my former gentle horse. I made an attempt to rise from the ground, (where my husband had been supporting me from the time of the accident,) but could not stand, upon which he intreated me to return to the clergyman's, but I posi- tively refused — and he gave up the point. He then took me in his arms, and with the assistance of the doctor, seated me upon the horse, and after mounting their own, took a station each side of me. We rode slowly along, as I felt so sore and in so much pain that every jolt

9*

94 the widow's offering.

of the horse almost threw me into convulsions, and at one time I became so sick and dizzy, that had he not have caught my hand, I should have again fallen. The rest of our party proceeded with order and decorum, and at 8 o'clock in the evening we arrived at Mr. Pear- sons, when I requested to be taken immediately on board, and was accordingly seated in an arm chair and taken to the beach, where the boat was waiting for our return ; the two young men whom I sheltered from the press gang were there, who inquired with an .anxious look if any accident had happened, I told them that I had fallen from my horse and was seriously injured. The poor fellows looked very sorrow- ful, and after having assisted me in the- boat, rowed with velocity to the ship, and were in a moment upon deck preparing the chair for my reception, into which they placed a pillow and lowered it into the boat, and then drew it up with care and precaution. The poor old cook, and all the crew had assembled that side of the vessel, each one endeavor- ing to render what assistance they could. I was conveyed into the eabin by some of them, and then into the stateroom by my husband, as my limbs were so stiffened, that I was unable to stand ; he assisted me to undress and examine my side, which was dreadfully swollen, and of a frightful blackness. The doctor who accompanied us on board was now called in. He said that it was a fearful bruise, and every precaution must be taken to prevent a mortification, which frequently occurs, in those hot climates, from less accident than the present — he added that there was no bones broken, but said not a word about bleeding. He however, left medicine for me to take during the nighty and a wash to bathe with every hour. I was extremely ill during the night, with a raging fever, and so sore at my stomach and lungs, that I eould scarcely breathe, and unable to turn myself in bed, in which state the doctor found me on the following morning — he felt my pulse and shook his head. He then administered some opium pills, with a charge, for my husband to continue the bathing ; he likewise ordered all the doors and windows to be kept open, and that I was to take no suste- nence but cooling drinks. The opium shortly after his departure be.<?an to operate, and I fell into a broken slumbei , during which a servant of the good old prievst arrived with a basket of fruit, cordials and sweet- meats, with a compliment from his master to know how I was. I felt truly grateful for his kind attention, and although I ever had a great antipathy to the Catholic Clergy, I revered this man ; as whatever his outward forms might have been, in his heart, I believe he was a sincere christian. I sent my kind respects to him, with thanks for liis presents*

THE WIDOAv's OFFERING. 95

■ 11 ■■■ ■—- — .■■■..- i . -. , — , i ... . ■ .1-— — , , m

I slept at intervals all that clay, and by evening my fever had con- siderably abated. The opium had likewise greatly relieved my pains-— the doctor called and appeared very much encouraged, — gave me another pill, and told me that in the morning I might have some gruel. I rested comfortably through the night, and as soon as the cook was stirring I called for my gruel, as I was faint for the want of food, and felt after I had taken it very much strengthened. In short, I rapidly improved, and at the expiration of a week could dress myself and walk across the cabin ; but my bruise coutiuued extremely painful for three or four months after, insomuch that I could scarcely bear to touch it, and for three years after I could not lay upon that side. O the mercy and goodness of G-od, in sparing me at that time from a dreadful and untimely death ; for had my clothes have caught in the fall, I must have been torn to pieces, as the horse was going upon a furious gallop^ But O, my Heavenly Father, how little did I then realize thy protective care ; and when I look baok upon thy long forbearance, and my own ingratitude, my soul is bowed down with the deepest contrition, and in the anguish of my heart, am constrained to cry out — " God be merciful to me a sinner."

But to proceed — our ship being ready for sea, we again set sail for Marcelia, and after a short passage arrived there in safety, without anything of interest occurring. "We anchored about half a mile from the shore, and shortly after a boat came off with two gentlemen, one of whom was Mr. W. H., the youngest brother of the firm, who was about the age of thirty — a polite and well-bred gentleman. He ap- peared highly gratified on being introduced to me, as he said that he had not had the pleasure of seeing an English lady before in seven years, and gave us a pressing invitation to come immediately on shore, and make his house our residence during the time we were at Marcelia. I thanked him for his politeness, but requested to be excused, as I waa still so lame that it was with difficulty I could walk any distance with- out being in pain ; but he would take no denial, as he said it was but a a few steps from the beach to the house. I therefore gave up the point and promised to attend on the following day. He then bade me good morning, and the Captain accompanied him on shore ; he however re- turned in the course of an hour with a basket of grapes, almonds and raisins, which Mr. H. had sent for me to amuse myself with during my husband's absence, as he had engaged to dine with him. I was conse- quently alone till near sunset, when he returned with a compliment for me to be on shore to breakfast the following morning. I however

96 the widow's offering.

informed him that I should not be there till dinner time. He said that he had promised Mr. H., to breakfast with him, ami he would be very much disappointed if I did not accompany him. I told hitn that I could not help it, as I was not sufficiently recovered to be out so early. He accordingly went without me, but returned again at the dinner hour and conducted me on shore, where we were met by Mr. H., who gently reproved me for not spending the day at his house ; but on stat- ing my reasons, he appeared satisfied, and requested me to accept an arm of his, with that of my husband, which I thankfully did, and with their united assistance limped up to the house. He then with the utmost politeness welcomed me to bachelor's hall. And now my dear madam, he resumed, I do earnestly request, that during the time you are here, you will make this house your home, and I^vill endeavor to have every thing agreeable for your reception. I am extremely obliged to you sir, I replied, for your kind invitation, but am afraid it will not be in my power to comply with your request, as I am still under the doctor's hands, and have to continue several times in the day the bathing of my side, which could not conveniently be done on shore. There need be no difficulty madam, he replied, in respect to that, as I have two female servants, one of whom is an excellent nurse, and will be ready at all times to attend upon you ; there is likewise a spare room at your service, and as the Captain must be on shore the chief part of his time, it will be much pleasanter for you to be with him than on board, and alone. His arguments were so strong that I could make no further resistance, and promised to spend as much of my time on shore as I could with convenience. My husband gave me an approving smile and whispered, that is a good girl. A splendid dinner was now served up in the English style. Two young Englishmen, who were clerks to Mr. H., with the overseer of the distillery came in, and likewise a Sicilian gentleman, who was introduced as Don Jaqueno, and took his seat with the rest of the company at the table. He was a tall swarthy complexion man, about the age of thirty-five — very dark, very homely and very polite. On rising from dinner, I repaired to the sofa, when the Don followed, and seated himself by the side of me, and began talking to me iu broken English, which I answered in broken Italian to the amusement of Mr. H. and mv husband.

In the meantime, a handsome, portly -looking man, about the middle age, dressed in clerical robes, came in, and was introduced to me as Father Joseph, a priest of one of the convents of friars. He took my hand, and said in Italian, " Bona sera, siguora, coma sta?" which, inter"

tiie widow's offering. 97

preted, is, Good evening, lady, how do you do ? I answered him, in his own language, that I was well, aud hoped he was the same. He bowed, and replied, " Multa beni, signora, obligata," which is, Very well, madam, I thank you. He asked so many questions, that I could not answer, that I was obliged to call upon my husband to be our inter- preter, upon which he and Mr. H, came aud seated themselves before us, and we had quite an interesting conversation. He and the Don re- mained about an hour, and then took their departure, after which, Mr. H., the captain, and myself walked out to view the establishment, which appeared very extensive. The distillery for manufacturing their wine was exceedingly large, containing a number of enormous vats, and as many men to attend to them. We then walked round to an enclosure, which appeared to be half a mile in circumference, where there were a great number of mechanics at work, chiefly coopers and blacksmiths, who, having each their respective shops, appeared like a small village of industry — there were likewise several large storehouses for the recep- sion of their casks and wine. After taking a view of all that was worth notice, we repaired to the poultry yard, where there was a grand dis- play of turkeys, geese, ducks and fowls ; there was likewise, adjoining, a vegetable garden, which Mr. H., had taken great pains to cultivate. In short, everything appeared like the residence of an English gentle- man. His house was built in the eastern style, with large and lofty rooms, a fiat roof, and paved floors, which, as it was now the hottest sea- son, were still uncarpeted ; but as my limbs began to feel extremely painful, we returned immediately to the house. I then informed my husband that I wished to go on board, but Mr. H., would not listen to it, until we had taken tea, which he ordered to be prepared as soon as possible, and then made me promise that I would be on shore in the morning to breakfast, and make his house my residence. I accordingly, after going on board, packed up a small trunk of wearing apparel, with my medicine, and the next morning, by eight o'clock, was attended by the captain on shore.

Mr. H., appeared highly gratified on seeing my trunk, and requested, in the most friendly manner, that I would make myself at home. He then rung for the servant, who conducted me to my room, after which we sat down to breakfast. The head of the table being resigned to me, I of course had to officiate as mistress of the ceremonies. After the cloth was removed, Mr, H., conducted my husband and me upon the house-top, where we had a beautifu; view of the harbor and bay, and also of the surroundiug country. We then descended, and followed him

98 the "widow's offering.

through all the upper apartments, which were spacious, aud hand- somely furnished. 0, Mr. H. (I exclaimed,) there is nothing wanting in your mansion, but a partner. Ah, madam, (he replied.) 1 know that I am a poor, forlorn bachelor ; but what comfort would there be for a wife here upon the wilds of Sicily ? 0 yes, sir, (I answered,) any good woman, I should suppose, could make herself comfortable even in the deserts of Arabia, with a good husband. Such a thing might be, (he re- plied ;) but it would be a doubtful case. No, madam, (he continued,) it is not my intention to take a partner, until I again visit my native land ; and thus ended the conversation. We now descended into the parlor, and I to my bed-room, there to attend to my side, — after which, I re- turned with my needle-work and Italian grammar, but had not been long seated, when a majestic looking gentleman, with three stars upon his breast, in company with Mr. H., entered the room, who he intro- duced to me in due form as the Grand Cavalier. He bowed, and said, Coma sta, signora. I answered, Multa bene, siguore, ohligata. He then took up my grammar, and inquired if I was studying that language. I answered him in the affirmative. He then said, in brokeu English, You go see my lady; you ride my cotch. I smiled, and bowed in ac- quiesence. He then entered into conversation with Mr. H., who inform- ed me, after his departure, that he and his lady would call the next morning in their carriage, and take me out for an airing ; he added that the Cavalier was one of the most wealthy men in Marcella, and in pedi- gree and title, was next to a prince, — that he owned great possessions, and resided in the village hard by.

I scarcely had a glimpse of my husband during the day, as they were discharging provisions and taking in ballast ; he, however, took tea, and spent the evening on shore. Mr. H., jocosely told him that he must keep a watchful eye towards the house, or some of these foreign nobles would carry me off, as they were all in love with me ; he an. swered that he was not afraid of all the Dons in the Mediterranean and much less of me. Well, replied Mr. H., they have spoken of your lady, in the most flattering terms. I am extremely happy to hear it, he replied, as I always feel highly gratified to hear her spoken well of. The gentlemen now sat down to a game of checkers, and I to my neeale and studies, iu which manner we passed the evening till bed-time.

On the following morning, about the hour of ten, the Cavalier and his lady drove up to the door. Mr. H, went out and conducted her into the parlor, and introduced us to each other. She was tall and genteel in her person, courteous and affable in her manners, and not so loquacious

the widow's offering. 99

as are the generality of the Italian ladies. We conversed, for half an hour, in broken English and Italian, and then were escorted by Mr. H. and her husband to the carriage — the first-mentioned gentleman accom- panied us as interpreter. We rode through the principal streets of the village, which was handsomely built, and populous. On coming near to the Cavalier's house, they wished us to alight ; but on Mr. II.'s intima- ting that, as the 6hip was discharging, he wished to return as soon as possible. They drove on, and after riding three or four miles in the country, on a delightful road, we returned and arrived home at one o'- clock. Mr. H., wished the Cavalier and his lady to alight, but they de- clined, and bidding us bon journo, drove off. I felt greatly strengthened and refreshed after my ride, and my husband coming in at the time, complimented me en my improved appearance. Mr. H., now brought forward a decanter of wine, fruit, and some of the most delicious cor- dials I ever tasted. My husband and him being in a great hurry, took a hasty glass, with a handful of grapes, and left me alone to myself. When gone, I removed the decanters, and regaled my sell' upon bread and butter and fruit, and then returned to my studies ; but to be brief, in a few days from that time, several naval officers arrived from Mes- sina, to procure a supply of wine for their ships, which were laying at that place. Mr. H., informed me that they would remain at his house till the following day, consequently we had a large party at table, being five added to our number. Those gentlemen and my husband became very intimate, (as he had formerly been one of their own profession,) and spent chief part of the day on board of his ship ; they, however came on shore at sunset, and took tea, when they made arrangements to visit a convent of monks, or friars. Mr. H., and mv husband seemed very desirous for me to make one of the party. I inquired for what purpose they were going to view the curiosities. They replied, they said it was a short distance, and I would not he incommoded in walking it ; — in short, I felt a great desire to accompany them, and promised to go, and when they requested me to dress myself in my riding habit and beaver hat, my curiosity was greatly excited, but I said nothing.

It now oeing nearly dark, I equipped myself for the occasion, and in half an hour set out for the convent. On our way thither, Mr. House- wood observed that he suspected we should find a difficulty in gaining admittance, as the Catholic clergy were in great fear of an invasion from Bonaparte, as he had committed such depredations among their church- es and convents, that they were apprehensive of meeting a similar fate, and were alarmed at every stranger who approached their convents ;

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100 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING

but we now had arrived at the huge portal, leading to the convent door, which passing through, they knocked loudly for admittance, but no one appeared. They, however, repeated it in a louder and more alarming manner, when a glimmering light shot forth from a little slide in the door, which had been pushed back for the purpose of seeing who were their invaders ; but on beholding such a company of men, it was imme- diately closed, and all became dark as before. The officers were now 60 enraged that they repeated their knockiugs with greater violence than ever, and in a vociferous manner, demanded entrance. A voice was theu heard from within inquiring who was there. Mr. H., replied friends. The door, then slowly grating upon its hinges, was opened by an aged patriarch, with a white beard reaching below his breast. He bowed to the company, and demanded what was their pleasure. Mr. H., came forward and gave him his hand, which the aged man pressed between his own, and then to his heart, as they were well acquainted with each other — in short, he being the only English resident upon the Island, was known and esteemed by them all ; he then acquainted the old man with our business, and by a signal from him, a host of monks drew near, who requested us to follow them. We had not come many paces, when one of them, looking me steadfastly in the face, stopt short, and exclaimed, Una signora! They all looked petrified, and fixing their eyes upon me, repeated, Una signora. I anxiously inquired what was the difficulty, aud was informed by my husband that, while ming- ling with the crowd at the door, they had taken me for a boy, but on proceeding, one of them observed my floating garment, and strongly suspected that I was a female, which caused the exclamation of a lady, and that no lady was permitted to pass through the convent, Mr. H., informed them if I was not allowed to proceed with the rest, we should all return heme without accomplishing our object. The monks, how- ever, were not willing to lose so good a prize, as they knew they would be well paid, and told him that the difficulty could be obviated by go- ing round the exterior of the convent, to the church door, which was open to all who chose to enter. We accordingly left the convent, ac- companied by the aged father and twelve of the friars, who walked in procession, with lighted torches, and when arrive'd at the sanctuary, they conducted us through a spacious entraure, or hall, which led to a wide open staircase, descending beneath the church. On looking at the wall side of the stairs, I observed, by the glimmering of a lamp, a number of statutes, as I supposed them to be, placed in recesses. I in. quired of my husband what they were, at the the same time taking hold

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 101

of bis arm, while a cold chill of horror ran over me. He made no re- ply to my question, but looked significantly at Mr. H., who caught me by the other arm, and with their united efforts dragged me into the cells below, and catacombs of the dead, where I was surrounded by two hundred mummies. I shrieked aloud with terror and affright, and told them to take me away from that horrible place, whilst I I hid my face in my husband's bosom. Dear Eliza, he said, you must try and conquer those feelings, and you will be more reconciled imme- diately. O cruel ! I replied, why did you not tell me you was bringing me to this dreadful sepulchre ? Because, he replied. I knew that if you was acquainted with it you would not come. Then take me away im- mediately, I replied. No, my love, he said, that will not, do, as it would break up the party. Come, he continued, lean upon my arm, and go with me round the catacombs. I trembled with such a violence that I could scarcely stand, aud they were obliged to bring a box for me to sit upon • but on raising my head, a frightful visage of one of the mummies met my View, with its eye-balls glaring, and mouth open, grinning horribly at me. Merciful Father ! I exclaimed, (catching him by the arm) look yonder ? But on taking a second view, I beheld twenty equally as frightful as the former, some with their mouths drawn all awry — others with them extended from ear to ear ; some grinning, which displayed a mouthful of beautiful teeth — others appeared as though they were in the last agonies of death ; in short, everything terrific, in the visage of death, was here displayed to our view. My husband being seated by the side of me, with his arm encircling my waist, some of the naval officers, who were full of their antics, came near aud gave him a slap upon the shoulder, a share of which I likewise received, I screamed again with terror. What is the matter, my dear, he demanded. 0, I replied looking askance, I thought it was one of the mummies. He exclaimed harshly against the unconscious deed, aud deeply regretted that he had brought me there to be frightened to death. Mr. H., now drew near, and asked me to accept an arm, and walk with him end my husband around the catacombs. To which I made no reply nor resistance, as I had become so petrified with terror, aud my faculties so impaired, that I was almost as inanimate as the lifeless group around me, aud suffered tnem to lead me where they thought proper. If a question was asked me, I returned it either with a vacant stare or an hysterical laugh. My ^usband now became seriously alarmed, and said that he feared that I had been frightened into idiotism ; but, on leading into an adjoining °ell, where there was nothing but heaps of dead men's bones aud skulls,

10

102 the widow's offering

I was again partially restored to reason, but not to composure, as the appearance and death-smell of the place caused such a sickuess at my stomach, and dizziness, that I felt as if I should faint, and requested my husband to take me home. He told me it was his intention to go al- most immediately, as it was not his wish to remain there any longer. On passing again through the catacombs, I observed that the mummies were placed in niches, made in the wall, about the size of a person, and fastened to the back of it. Their shroud is a long black dress, with a cowl attached to it, which covers their head, the same as worn by them, while living ; their epitaph is written on a piece of paper, and pinned to their breasts. They are altogether different from the Egyptian mum- mies, which are embalmed, and placed first in a leaden coffin, and then two others of wood. Those of the Italians, after having taken out their bowels, are put into a slow oven, where fiey remain till the flesh be- comes perfectly dry, and hard as a piece of board, which, after a length of time, becomes brittle, and easy to be broken in pieces. The reason of their terrifying appearance is owing to the heat of the oven, which con- tracts the features into a such a diversity of frightful shapes, as to cause terror in the breast of the beholder : the bowels are burned to ashes, which are put into an urn, and placed by the side of the remains — thus they stand in all their horrors (as already described) to the public gaze. The friars have each to take their turns in remaining alone, during a night, with the dead. But to return. We now retraced the terrific mansion of death, and soon reached the top of the staircase, when, on raising my eyes, I again beheld those objects, (which I had supposed, on entering, to have been statutes.) A cold shuddering seized me, while I hurried my husband along, and we reached home a few moments previous to Mr. H., and his company ; and although it was September, which is one of the warmest mouths in the year, I was trembling with cold, as though it had been the dead of winter.

Mr. H. now coming in, procured me a glass of wine, which they forced but partly down, as my teeth were chattering, with such violence, that they could not be opened. He said that I had been frightened into a severe ague-fit, and he should never forgive himself for beiDg any way instrumental in causing such illness, and it was a wrong thing for them to act as they had done, by not informing me for what purpose they were going. A warm bath was now prepared for my feet, and some hot driuk, which I took on going to bed, and after a short time threw me into a perspiration. I, however, felt a distressing load at my stomach and throat, which seemed as though I would strangle. My

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING?. 103

husband raised me in bed, and supported me with his arm, and continu- ally upraided himself for his unguarded conduct. I did not join him in his self-accusation, but burst into a flood of tears, which continued for a time without intermission, when the pain at my heart and breast gradu- ally subsided, and I respired with more freedom.

I again pressed my pillow, with the'intention to sleep ; but the moment I had fallen iuto a slumber, the horrible mummies were before me, and starting up, would scream out, and cover my head with the bedclothes while the sweat-drops of terror were issuing from every pore. In this manner I continued at intervals, duriug the night, and in the morning arose unre freshed, pale and languid. Mr. H., inquired after my health. I told him that I was very far from being well. Indeed, madam, he replied, your looks betray your feelings, as you appear as if you had been confined with a month's sickness. I do not 'yonder, replied my husband, that she is ill, for she has been hauuted ail night with those abominable mummies ; but I hope the worst is over now, and am thank- ful that nothiug serious has occurred. You may indeed be thankful, I replied, that I have retained my senses, as I have known instances of people being frightened into fits, and remaining idiots during their lives. "Well, my dear, he replied, you must forgive me this time, and I will promise never to be guilty of such imprudence again. And I too, must crave your forgiveness, said Mr. H., as I am equally in fault ; and in short, we are two blundering fellows, and ought- to be punished rather thau pardoned.

We now attended breakfast — but as the naval gentlemen had taken their departure at early dawn, our company was small, and as I had no appetite for eating, I merely took some coffee and retired to my room, for the purpose of trying to get some rest — where I soon fell into a slumber and slept soundly till twelve o'clock, when my husband came in to inform me that the Cavalier and his lady had called to take me out for a ride. He advised me to go, as he thought it would be of benefit to my health, and if possible he would accompany us, as I should want an interpreter ; but as they were very busy taking in a cargo of wine for Malta, he was doubtful whether he could go. He accordingly left me — I dressed in haste and joined the company in the parlor, who immediately with myself were seated in the carriage, Mr. H. accompanied us, as my husband was on board. We had a delightful ride of two hours, during which, Mr. H. related the adventures of the preceding night with all its horrors, and the situation I had in consequence been thrown into. The Duchess, (which was her proper

104 the widow's offering.

title,) replied that if I was as much accustomed to such sights as they were, it would not have such an effect, as they frequently had to attend to different ceremonies of the dead, a representation of which was generally exposed to the public view. Death, I replied, in its mildest shape is terrible to human nature, but when presented in such hideous forms, it is sufficient to unman the stoutest heart.

We had now arrived at home, and previous to our alighting, I ac- cepted an invitation from the Duke and his lady, to visit their country seat on the ensuing Monday. They then bid us good morning, and drove off. I felt greatly refreshed after my ride, and a craving desire for food, as I had eaten nothing since the evening before, and as dinner was now brought in, I sat up and made amends for lost time. After which I repaired to my room and did not leave it again that night. I examined my side and found that the blackness had considerably dis- persed, and in other respects much better. I felt greatly encouraged as I could now walk without limping. I was again haunted at inter- vals during the night, with the horrible spectres, and once waked my- self with screaming. >.In short, I was tormented in a similar manner for two or three months afterwards.

On the following morning, Mr. H. requested me to come to the door to see a gentleman and his wife riding on horseback. I looked, but saw only an officer of the army, and a boy — and inquired where was the lady ? He replied, the person which you have taken for a boy, is the officer's wife ; her riding dress is similar to that of a boy's, and she rides in the same manner, it is the fashion of the country — all ladies ride the same. I should like very much he added, for them to see you mounted upon a side saddle, and riding in the English style. I told him that after my recent fall, (the affects of which I was still laboring under,) I should be too much intimidated to venture again upon a horse in haste, unless it was a very gentle creature. O madam, he replied, I can furnish you with one of the most steady, gentle creatures that you would ever wish to ride. Well sir, I replied, at all events I shall not attempt it until I am perfectly recovered. Breakfast now being ready put an end to our conversation, and we all repaired to the table, and after having finished, I prepared to accompany my hus- band on board, which he and Mr. H. strenuously opposed, alledging that the ship was in such confusion, taking in cargo, that there would be no comfort for me. But I replied, that the cargo would not inter- fere with my state-room, where it was my intention to spend the day. They however, would not listen to it, aud made me promise to be on shore to dinner.

the widow's offering. 105

I found the deck as had been represented, all confusion, but the cabin and state-room much the same as I had left them. I immedi- ately went to work unpacking trunks, drawers and bandboxes, and replacing them again in order ; likewise repairing and getting things ready for the washerwoman. In short, I found employment enough to last me a week ; but at two o'clock the summons arrived for me to go ashore. I however disregarded it, knowing that the dinner hour was not till half past three, and I felt too happy in my own little cabin to be in such haste to leave it. I was however in readiness for the next boat, whicj^ arrived within a few moments of dinner, when Mr. H. gave me a sharp reprimand for remaining on board till the last moment, and added that he was extremely sorry his house was not more comforta- ble for my reception, as it was evident I preferred being on board of ship than on shore. Ingratitude, I replied, is a sin which I could never look upon with any degree of allowance, and was I to harbor such an idea as you have intimated, I should be a monster of ingratitude. I am well convinced that you have done every thing that lay in your power to render my stay comfortable and happy, which I shall ever acknowledge with the most heart-felt gratitude. Pardon me madam, he replied, what I advanced was not done as a reflection, or with the intention of wounding your feelings ; but you must remember that for several years, I have been deprived of the pleasure of all female society of my own native country, which since you arrived has been doubly interesting, and each moment of your absence is deeply regretted, not only by me but the domestics also, who all love you, the house appears gloomy and deserted when you are away, and as your stay at Marcella will be so short, we must request the favor of your company on shore during the time you are here ; and now madam, he added, can you forgive me ? Most certainly, I replied, your reasons appear so plaus- ible that I cannot make any objections. My husband and the clerk had nearly finished their dinner during the controversy, as he seldom inter- fered upon such occasions, and after partaking of some wine and fruit, we arose from the table, and dispersed to our several employments.

The following day, being the Sabbath, and no place of worship but the Catholics, I devoted my time to reading the scriptures, the church prayers, and other good books ; while the gentlemen employed them- selves in conversation, in visiting the ship and walking about. The next being the day appointed for visiting the Grand Dukes country seat. Our gentlemen left their business to the care of the officers of the ship, and the clerks on shore. At twelve o'clock the carriage drove up with *10

106 the widow's offering.

the Duchess and her little son, about six years old. The Duke was on horseback, and likewise Mr. H. My husband rode with us in the car- riage. In passing through the village two or three carriages joined us, and followed in the rear. The distance was five miles, which we ac- complished in about two hours. The exterior of the mansion was extremely magnificent; but on entering I was greatly disappointed, in finding it destitute of those comforts which adorn the interior of Eng- lish gentlemen's country seat. The rooms were not papered, neither was there any blinds or window curtains — no carpets or sofas, and nothing but wood-bottom chairs. The long table however, displayed a magnificent banquet, of which we were invited to partake. It was a cold collation, consisting of every delicacy the season afforded. The company all appeared to enjoy their repast, as they ate with an excel- lent appetite. ' We were attended upon by half a dozen men servants, but no female. At about four o'clock we arose from the table, tied on our bonnets and walked out. There were a large party of Italian ladies and gentlemen, among whom was the Captain and his lady, who was pointed out to me when riding on horseback in man's attire. She was a very homely woman, and much marked with the small pox. She was, however, very loquacious, and agreeable ; there was likewise Don Joceno, who was continually annoying me with his Italian ques- tions, which I could understand but imperfectly. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but he kept constantly near me. I informed my husband of my difficulty, at which he only laughed, and replied, that it was considered a mark of respect in those countries, for one gentle- man to pay attention to the wife of another. Well, I replied, I do not wish any such attention. The fashion of our country is that every man shall take care of his own wife. We now entered what they termed the garden, but which appeared to me like a beautiful wilderness of weeds, flowers, fruits, thorns aud briars, which were growing in wild luxuriance together. 0, how different, I remarked to Mr. H. and my husband, is this place to our beautiful gardens in England, where every bed and path is laid out with such precision, and where nature is dis- played in all her glories. Diffierent indeed, replied Mr. H.; but the people in these parts are too indolent to promote agriculture in any shape, excepting their fruit, with which they take great pains hi culti- vating, as it brings them great revenue. But come, said my husband, looking at his watch, it is time for us to be going, as it is almost night. We accordingly left the garden and walked a short distance, where there was a beautiful awning of grapes, which formed a long walk ;

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and after taking a survey to the extent, and culling some of the finest fruit, we returned to the house. Refreshments were again set before us, of which we partook in haste, re-ascended our carriages and drove off.

The evening was lovely and serene, and it being the month of Octo- ber, the heat was not so intense as in the two preceding months, and of course more inviting. We had a delightful ride home, and found all the folks just assembled at tea, which I was very happy to observe, as I was almost fainting for a cup of it. I accordingly took my seat and officiated as usual. After the things were removed, Mr. H. brought forward the ship account books in order to have them arranged previ- ous tp her sailing, which was to take place the ensuing week, as her cargo -was nearly complete ; but as their business was no way interest- ing to me I retired to my room, where I read a chapter, prayed, and went to bed.

On the Wednesday following, Mr. H. informed me that he had just received information by a messenger, that a Prince, who was nephew to the King of Naples, was coming that day with a retinue of aids and officers to visit him, for the purpose of viewing his establishment ; and now madam he continued, I would wish you to adorn yourself in your best attire, as I shall introduce you to the Prince, and let him see what my country can produce. But sir, I replied, I am not of your country. Well, he replied, you have some English blood in you, and I shall pass you for such. I smiled, curtesyed, and tripped off. I began immedi- ately to prepare for the occasion, as he was expected to be there in a short time. My dress was a transparent lenau, over a white satin 6lip, with a broad lace at the bottom, festooned up with fall roses — lace at the bosom to correspond — short sleeves and long white kid gloves white kid shoes and silk stockings, topaz ear-rings, broach and brace- lets, and a gold chain with my husband's miniature about my neek; my hair as usual hanging in ringlets over my shoulders. My husband now came in for the purpose of altering his dress, when gazing at me for a moment he exclaimed — why ray lovely wife, are you going to make a conquest. I hope not, I replied — I have already made one, putting my lips to his. He pressed me affectionately to his heart, and said, you are all that I can wish you dearest. I then assisted him to dress, and requested him to inform me when the Prince should arrive. I however saw him no more till some time after their arrival, as he had joined the Cavalade in reconnoitering the establishment — during which time, Mr. H. had given orders for a variety of refreshments to be placed upon the table.

108 the widow's offering.

After Laving taken a survey of all the surrounding outworks, they repaired to the house ; my husband had left them previous to their entering to give some orders to a boat's crew which was then on shore. Mr. H. however, on the gentlemen being seated, came and gently tapped at my door, which was adjoining the parlor, and taking my hand, led me to the sofa, and opposite the prince, who immediately arose as likewise his officers, and bowed. I was then formally intro- duced by Mr. H., on which he fixed his dark and penetrating eyes upon me — took my hand and pressed it between his, and exclaimed ! 0, the bella signora. After again being seated, he poured out a glass of wine for me, and then for himself, and touching the top and bottom of my glass with his, he drank my health. Mr H. and him then entered into conversation respecting me, which I knew to be the case, as there were many words that I perfectly understood, particularly the names of my father and Colouel Jessop ; but my husband now coming in, the conversation took a general turn, and, after being introduced, my hus- band seated himself with the rest at table. The Prince was appar- ently about the age of forty, a dark complexion, and dark hazel eyes, with a countenance expressive of melancholy and dejection. I was in- formed by Mr. H., that he had been married to a beautiful princess of their own realm, whom ha had lost, and since that time he had scarce- ly ever mingled in the fashionable circles of a court. He was intro- duced as Prince Phillip, nephew to the King of Naples. He was attended fly a large number of officers and aids-de-camp — I have for- gotten how many — they, however, filled a very long table, who now began to arrange the decanters and glasses in the form of an army, and as I did not understand any of their tactics, and being the only female in the room, I arose, dropped my curtsey, and retired. They remained about an hour after, and then took their departure.

In the meantime I had altered my dress, and again made my appear- ance. The table was now cleared of the bottles and glasses, and again spread for dinner, which was all ready and brought in. We accord- ingly took our seats ; and after Mr. H, had finished his carving, he requested to know how I liked Prince Phillip. 0, I replied, he is quite a prince and the polished courtier ; but he has no beauty to boast of. That I will grant you, madam, he replied ; but he has goodness to counterbalance all deficiencies, and as such is universally beloved and esteemed, — and you must not say one word against him, as he is a great admirer of yours. Why, what did he say of me ? I demanded. I must not tell you, he replied, it will make you too vain— suffice it to

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 109

say that he has spoken of you in the most flattering terms, and said all that could be gratifying to a female's^heart. I feel highly honored, I replied, with the Prince's approbation, but accept it as it was meant — all flattery. By no means, madam — had he have expressed his ap- probation in your presence, then indeed it would have appeared like- flattery ; but as it was done in your absence, no § uch a thing can be alledged to his charge. Well, sir, I replied, as you are such a strenu- ous advocate of his Royal Highness, I must give up the point, and leave it to your superior judgment, and so ended the conversation, after which we arose from the table and dispersed as usual.

I shall now pass over the intervening time, when we again set sail with a cargo of wine for Malta, with the intention of returning again in a month, to take in a cargo for England. Mr. PL, parted with as much seeming regret as though he had been a brother. He accompanied us, and remained on board till the ship was under way, when some of his .people, who came with him, conveyed him on shore. We had a short and a delightful passage to Malta, and found all friends much as we had left them, and were received by Mr. H., with the same hospitality as before, who requested us to make his house our home, as usual. I, however, did not remove my things on shore, as I preferred being on board at night. It now being the month of November, and the weather cooler, the houses made altogether a different appearance, as they were all covered with rich Turkey carpeting, -and the long windows, with elegant drapery. We visited many English families, whose houses exhibited all the elegance and comfort of an English dwelling, with a cheerful fire of coals. The natives have no fires during the winter, excepting for their cooking. It was now what they called the rainy season, which was very unpleasant, as the frequent rains caused the streets to become so filthy, that we could not walk out with any comfort.

My husband came in one morning, shortly after our arrival, and told me that it was St. Paul's Day, and I must accompany him to see the procession. We accordingly walked out, through mud and mire, till we came to St. John's Church, where we remained until it passed. The first appearance was six priests, bearing a banner of the cross ; the next was the Savior, extended upon the cross, and borne byjtwo or three men ; the next was an effigy of St. Paul, laid out upon a bier, which was covered with a black velvet pall, and borne by six men, which was followed by an hundred priests and students, while the great bell tolled the knell of death. The procession extended from one ex-

110 the -widow's offering.

tremity of a long street to the other. We remained at our station till they had passed, and then followed the procession till we came to a turning, where we left them, and returned to Mr. H.'s, — took dinner with him, and then went on board.

I did not venture on shore again for several days, as mv husband was so engaged with his vessel and cargo, that he had no time to attend upon me. Mr. H. frequently came on board, and wished me to come and stay altogether at his house ; but I declined going, as I felt more at home in my own little cabin. He said that if nothing happened to prevent, he should go with us to Mareella.

Our stay at Malta was nearly five weeks, as they had their cargo to discharge, and another to take in for the manufactory, which brought it to the middle of December, when we again set sail for Mareella, ac- companied by Mr. S. H., and although it was now winter, the weather was still mild and pleasant, but attended with considerable rain, which prevented my being much upon deck. We again passed the burning mountain ; but as it was the daytime, could see nothing issuing but smoke. Our passage was again short and agreeable, and on reaching the shore, were met and received by Mr. H., with demonstrations of joy. He inquired after my lame side, and whether it was well enough to venture upon a horse. I told him that the bruise was much better, and thought that I would have courage now to ride a gentle horse. Well, madam, he replied, all things are ready when you feel so dis- posed : we have transformed a man's saddle into that of a lady's, with a strong stirrup that will not break, — there is likewise a gentle horse at your command, whieh a child could ride with safety. I am much obliged to you, sir, I replied, for your kind attention, and shall take the earliest opportunity of trying the gentle creature. We now camo into the house, when the two female servants came running towards me, with joy in their countenance, took hold of my hands, and kissed them, inquired after my health, and then led me to my room to show me how nicely they had cleaned it and arranged every thing in order against my arrival. I felt grateful to the kind creatures, and rewarded them for their attention, whieh they received with thanks, and left the room. We shortly after assembled at dinner ; but were scarcely s.eated, when Father Joseph, the priest, and Don Jaken came in, who shook hands with me, and welcomed my return. Mr. H., invited them to take dinner with us, but it being Friday, and no fish on the table, they declined. The reverend Joseph, however, looked very wishful at the roast beef and ducks, and had he been where no one could have ob-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. Ill

served him, I have no doubt but he would have made as hearty dinner as the rest of us. I looked at him archly and said, Poco muii garc, pa- dre— in English, Eat a little, father ; but he shook his head mournfully, and replied, Niante, signora, obligata — in English, No, madam, I thank you. I then asked him, Poco, pani furmagio. Sie, signora, he replied. I accordingly laid a nice piece of bread and cheese upon a plate, and handed it to him. He bowed, and said, Obligata. Mr. H., then poured him out a glass of wine, which he drank, and then another, and a third, when the good padre became quite in high spirits, and before we arose from the dessert, we made him sing the following hues, — in English re- peating them after him —

"No baron or squire, or knight of the shire, Lives half so well as a holy friar."

When they all burst out into a fit of laughter, which the good friar joined with as much satisfaction as the rest, being unconscious of what he had been singing, not knowing the language. Don Jakeno, who had hitherto sat a silent spectator, now joined in the general laugh ; in short, they became so vociferous, that I arose from table, put on my bonnet, and walked out. I traveled a considerable distance from the house over the hills, where I had a delightful view of the harbor, bay, and surrounding country ; likewise our gallant ship, which was riding at anchor about half a mile from the shore. I gazed intently upon her for a moment, and perceived a man with a spy glass directed towards me, and then a group of gentlemen, who were standing at foot of the hill, and looking earnestly in various directions. I observed by the flowing black garment, that father Joseph was one, on which I immedi- ately arose — when on seeing me they ascended the hill with a quick step.

Why, Eliza, exclaimed my husband, I thought you was lost, as we have been looking this half hour around the works, and could see noth- ing of you, and concluded that you had either run away, or was lost. 0, I replied, there is not much danger, although you were noisy enough to frighten anyifemale away. Well, madam, replied Mr. H., we must crave your forgiveness, but it was all Father Joseph 'b fault. 0, yes, I replied, it is very natural to lay the blame upon others, particularly when it is not in their power to vindicate them- selves, which is the present case, he not knowing the language. Mr. S. H., then broke out into singing " No baron or squire,"' which they all joined, in chorus, with as much clamor as before.

112 THE WIDOWS OFFERING.

We had walked a considerable distance on a very pleasant road, when the friar drew near, and led the way towards his convent, which was but a short distance farther. On arriving at the gate, he invited the gentlemen to enter, (but not me,) which they refused: for my part, I wished to return immediately, as it forcibly reminded me of all the horrors I had recently witnessed in a friars' convent. We consequently hastened from the spot, and proceeded along the road, about a quarter of a mile, when we again bent our steps home- wards. I felt somewhat fatigued, but highly gratified with my walk, and would frequently after, when the weather was inviting, ramble over those delightful hills, and there, seated upon a rock, contemplate the wonderful works of God. But to return : — After taking our tea, and the table cleared, it was again replenished with newspapers, ac- count books, and documents, with which the gentlemen employed them- selves till bed-time. On the following morning all hands were busy in discharging the ship, insomuch that I had scarcely a glimpse of my hus- band during the day ; — he, however, on the succeeding day was more at leisure, and with Mr. H , accompanied me on horseback We rode at a gentle pace, until entering the village, when we set off upon a beautiful canter. The gentlemen and ladies were all out upon the balconies : one of them exclaimed, Bravo, bravo, siguora ! — and a lady, who only observed one of my feet, which was in the stirrup, (the other being con- cealed with my riding habit,) cried out, in Italian, Poor lady, she has only one foot! Mr. H., and my husband laughed, and requested me to show them my other foot, which I did, and passed on. We proceeded about two miles, and then returned, passing again through the village where a great multitude was collected, expecting our return, as they had never before seen a lady riding upon a side-saddle. We now rode at a slow pace, bowing as we passed, while the men huzzaed, and the ladies waved their handkerchiefs. On comiog opposite the Grand Duke's, who, with his lady, were leaning over the balustrades, we stop- ped and inquired after their health ; they earnestly requested us to alight, which we declined, alledging that we should be too late for din- ner, and bidding them good morning, rode off jipon a gallop, and in a moment was out of sight, and arrived home in seasonable time, as the cloth was not yet laid for dinner.

I felt extremely gratified with the morning's excursion, notwithstand- ing my side and limbs were so stiff, with riding that I could scarcely stand 1 however, after dinner, repaiied to the room, and dressed my- self and bathed it, and again before going to bed, which restored it, by

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 113

the morning, to its pristine state. Mr. S. H., remarked, while at break- fast, that, as he had remained at home the day previous, it was his turn to ride to-day, and engaged me to accompany him ; he was, however, disappointed in his expectations, as shortly after breakfast the Duke and Duchess, with another lady, drove up to the door, who had come purposely to take a view of the side-saddle, which they greatly admired, but wondered how I could keep my seat, without falling, and wished very much to see me again riding in the English fashion. I according- ly requested that j;hje horse might be saddled and brought to the door, which was immediately done, and after being assisted to mount, I rode several times round the establishment, to the no small admiration of the Italians, which was manifested in every gesture ; but when preparing to dismount, a multitude of other company arrived, which obliged me to retain my seat much louger, for the purpose of gratifying their curi- osity also. I however finally alighted, when a re-examination took place, and every lady concluded they should like to learn. Our riding excursion was broken up for that day ; but on the following one, after breakfast, Mr. S. H., and myself rode out as far as the Duke's country- seat, and then returned. I felt extremely fatigued, as we had been al- together about ten miles, and after dinner was over, I retired to my room to repose my wearied limbs ; — in short, I embraced every inviting opportunity of following my favorite amusement, which now was not very often, as the weather had become cold and unsettled, and frequent- ly attended with heavy rains.

"We had been at Marcella about four weeks, which brought it to the middle of Januaxy, at which time our cargo was nearly accomplished ; we, however, remained till the beginning of February, when we again embarked for Malta, Gibraltar, and England. The two brothers ac- companied us on board, as Mr. S. H., was likewise bound for Malta. Mr. "W. H., continued on board till after the ship was under way, and then bid us an affectionate farewell, never to meet again. "We had a very rough but short passage to Malta, where we remained a week waiting for a convoy, and taking in some other articles for England, during which we visited our friends, and made a number of elegant purchases in silks, jewelry, otto of roses, etc.

The convoy, which only consisted of a dozen vessels, being now ready, we again set sail with a fair wind. The weather, most part of the way, was cold and boisterous, and attended with several heavy gales, whioh threatened immediate destruction ; we, however, after a tedious voyage of four weeks, arrived safe at Gibralter. I was much 11

114 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING

rejoiced at the prospect of having a few days respite from the motion of the vessel, as I had been extremely sea sick most part of the pas sage. Captain Rossy came ou board to welcome our return ; he in- formed us that he had been no farther than Gibralter, as his ship was stationed there, where he expected to be detained several mouths long- er ; be iuvited us to come and see his wife, who was still wilji him on board, and would be delighted to see me. I accordingly, on the follow- ing morning, was accompanied by my hu&band, to perform the promised visit. Our meeting was reciprocated with affection, as it was unexpec- ted by either of us, — not having any idea of seeing each* other again, in that part of the world.

I spent a delightful day in the society of my friend, — and, in short, we were inseperable during the few days of our tarrying there ; but the hour of departure had arrived, when I again bid farewell to another much esteemed friend. We parted with sincere regret, as she, like my- self, had left many dear ones behind her, and was extremely anxious to return, but would not consent to leave, (although it was her husband's wish) uutil he was ready to accompany her ; but her anchor now being weighed, and her sails expanded to the inviting breeze, our gallant ship sailed majestically out of the harbor of Gibralter, upon which I took a last survey, never again to behold. We had a fair and delightful breeze about ten days, when the wind came ahead and we were beating about for nearly a week, making but little or no progress, — the weather was, however, much pleasanter than it had been, as the spring was fast advancing, it being now past the middle of April ; after this we had favorable winds during the remainder of our voyage, which was the first week in May, when we descried the white cliffs of Albion, and the craggy heights of Dover, with its ancient castle on the summit. We proceeded till we arrived at Falmouth, where we cast anchor. At its entrance is an high, craggy rock, on the sides of which, are two cas- tles— Stanawey and Pendenuis. The harbor is commodious, and large enough to contain an hundred sail, which can ride perfectly secure from all iuclemency of weather : although it was near night, my husband in- sisted upon my accompanying him on shore. He conducted me to a merchant's family of his acquaintance, where we took tea, and spent an hour or two in the evening. Mr. and Mrs. Bourne were the most pleas- ant, agreeable people ever I was acquainted with. They gave us a pressing invitation to remain at their house that night ; but as I still felt qualmish and unsettled after our voyage, I declined, prefering rather to be on board of ship, and, after promising to be on shore early on the following morning, we returned.

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 115

On the following clay the men were eo busy, taking in water, that we could scarcely find men enough to put us on shore ; we however at last made out to get there, according to appointment. Mr. and Mrs. B., with my husband and self, walked out to take a view of the place, which I was much pleased with, as it was a pretty, romantic-looking town, with many handsome buildings; we likewise went near the cas- tle, which, on a closer view, appeared of an enormous size : Pendennis is considered one of the largest in England. After having satisfied our- selves with all that was worth seeing, we returned to dinner, after which Mr. Bourne and my husband went down to the beach, for the purpose of seeing what progress the sailors had made with taking in their water, and in a short time returned with the information that all things were ready for sailing. I accordingly prepared, and after taking leave of our kind.friends, accompanied my husband on board, and in half an hour we were again under way, with a favorable breeze, which continued till our arrival at Liverpool ; but before we had cast anchor, the ship was surrounded with boats, and immediately after the cabin was filled with gentlemen, among whom were two custom-house officers, who took their station in the said room to prevent any contraband goods from being taken therefrom ; I was, however, prepared for them, and had every thing secured from their grasp, as I had bitterly felt their sting, on a previous occasion, to the amount of two hundred dol- lars, which consisted of many valuable articles, sent to me by my husband, in the care of a friend, who, in a heedless manner, left them in view of the officers, which were all consequently seized, and taken to the custom-house. But to return : — After we had dinner, and I had safely secured my door, I walked up with my husband to the owners, who welcomed us with joyful gratulations, and inquired how I liked the Mediterranean. I told him that I liked it extremely well. Then, madam, he replied, you must accompany the captain again. I told him. that I should feel much gratified in visiting that country again, but I must first visit my parents in London, before that could take place. Oh, you will have time enough for that, he replied, as the ship will have to discharge and take in another cargo, which will take them at least a month. Well, sir, I replied, I will endeavor to return in time. After he and my husband had conversed a considerable time upon business, we returned to the ship. He wished me to take furnished apartments on shore ; but I told him that as my stay would be of so short duration, it was unnecessary.

J arose the next morning betimes, and after taking an early break-

116 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

fast, went to work at arranging my things for the journey. After din- ner, my husband and me walked out to take a view of the town. A Dumber of the streets were spacious, with large, handsome brick build- ings, much as those of London, but not so high ; there was likewise a fine town-house, supported by twelve stone pillars ; there was also an exchange and assembly-room, a workhouse, and several alms-houses for sailors, widows, and other old people ; a free-school and charity-school for fifty boys and twelve girls, who are taught, fed, clothed and lodged. Ships of any burthen may come up with their full lading and ride be- fore the town, which is unfortified ; but the harbor is defended on the south by a castle, and on the west by a strong tower ; — in short, it was what I should call a beautiful city, although it was not at that time in- corporated, and am ignorant as to whether it has been since. After seeing and gaining all the information I could, we returned, and I high- ly gratified with my walk. I calculated to leave Liverpool on the fol- lowing day ; but as my husband was to have a settlement at that time, he wished me to remain till it was accomplished, that I might have it to invest in the bank on my arrival in London. I was in consequence detained another day, during which he was so much engaged, that I had scarcely a sight of him ; he however returned towards evening, and informed me that he had engaged my passage in the morning's stage, and that we must lodge at the hotel, as they started by daybreak ; he like- wise informed me that his voyage was settled, and laid the money into my lap, which I safely secured before leaving the vessel.

After taking our tea I went into the stateroom and adjusted my husband's linen, in readiness for him during my absence, and then fin- ished packing my own apparel, — and after spending an hour on board we repaired with my luggage to the hotel, and at the dawn of day was aroused by the ostler, to commence my journey. I hastily arose and dressed myself, and bade a long and affectionate adieu (as it proved to be) to my ever dear husband ; he was extremely affected — J never saw him so much so before — the big tear drops fell upon his manly cheeks, while he pressed me to his bosom, and intreated me to retui'n as soon as possible ; he said that he should feel lost without me, and every moment would seem a week until he should see me again. I promised him faithfully, that I would return in a fortnight, or three weeks at the fartherest, if nothing happened to prevent. He then handed me into the carriage which immediately drove off, and after traveling an hun- dred and sixty -three miles, we arrived in London at eight o'clock in the evening, and hiring a carriage, gave orders to be drove to my fath-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 117

er's. My beloved mother received me with open arms, while my poor aged father pressed my hand, and in a half choked utterance said — well, my girl, how do you do. He appeared very infirm, and greatly altered. My mother looked melancholy and dejected. I longed fo* an opportunity of conversing with her alone, as I could do it with more freedom than in the presence of my father. I felt extremely fatigued and requested the servant to prepare me a cup of tea, which after I had taken, mama handed me two letters from both my broth- ers, which she had received some time before. Valentine wrote that his business was still flourishing, and that he and his family were in good health ; but there was a gloom ran throughout the writing which hitherto was not the case, and which neither of us could comprehend. He added that William Coster was still unmarried, and was accumu- lating a fortune rapidly. Edward informed me that they had so far been prosperous, and expected to make a good voyage — but that he was almost sick of the busiuess, as it was very dangerous, and that he had met with several serious accidents ; at one time he crushed his hand in so dreadful a manner that he could- not use it for three months, and at another dislocated his hip, so that he was obliged to walk for some time with a crutch — he added that he expected to be home in July. Ah, poor dear fellow thought I, we. shall not have the pleasure of seeing each other, as by that time we shall be upon another voj^age. I saw but little in either of their letters to create cheerfulness, and as I felt fatigued with my journey, retired to rest.

I arose the next morning greatly refreshed, and was visited during the day by my sister and a number of other friends, who called and to congratulate me on my return. My father continued his daily walk to the royal exchange — during which my mother informed me that he had totally ruined himself with speculating in vessels, for which he had been drawing money constantly froni the bank, until his finances were nearly exhausted, and thy t all her reasoning availed nothing; nor could prevent him from running headlong to destruction. She said that his faculties were much impaired — that he grew childish, and was no longer capable of transacting business ; as every one took the advant • age of him, with whom he had dealings. I no longer wondered at the dejection seated upon my mother's countenance. She was in a strange country — distant from all her connexions, and likely to be sep- erated from all her children also; who were now, most of us, dispersed in different parts of the world, and should my father continue to con- duct as he had done, she would finally be left among strangers, to pen- *11

118 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

ury and want. She could not bear the idea of my going another voyage, as he had become so superanuated, that she wished to have some of her children with her ; and as my sister had become the mother of a young son, she had no time to spare from her own family. I felt deeply interested in the forebodings of my dear mother, and would gladly have remaiued with her; bub I had now a husband, whose fate I was in duty bound to follow, and as he so much wished me to accompany him, I could not feel it in conscience to refuse him. But fate had ordered it otherwise, as will shortly appear on the follow- ing day.

I wrote to my husband — after which I accompanied my father to the bank, and deposited my money ; and on my return called at my sister's to see the little stranger ; he was a lovely boy, (who she had named after my brother Edward,) about six months old. I found the little fellow so engaging that I spent the remainder of the day in his com- pany. On the third day after I had written to my husband, I received an answer which informed me that the owner and agents wished him to take the command of another ship of twelve hundred tons, which was all ready for sea, bound for the Brazils, but had no captain. He added that he had refused her, as he prefered a ship of less burthen — ■ but they would not accept a denial, and allowed him three days to consider upon it ; at' which time he was to give them a decisive answer, and finished with a positive injunction for me to be there before that time. I however knew that it would be impossible to be there so soon, as my clothes were yet to be washed, and a dozen articles of wearing apparel to be made ; and' moreover, I thought it was only a pretext to hurry me there the sooner. I however hastened things with the utmost diligence ; and on the fifth day, with nothing accomplished, prepared for my journey. I likewise went up to the stage office, engaged a place and paid my passage, and on my return called on as many friends as I had time, to bid them farewell and then proceeded to my mother's, with the intention of spending the remainder of the day with her, at the same time busily employing myself in packing the remainder of my things. But while thus engaged I was aroused by the postman's rap. I flew to the door with the expectation of I knew not what, and hastily seized a letter which was handed me, and after paying him ran with it into the parlor. But who can conceive my disappointment, on reading that he was just on the point of sailing, and it was now too late for me to join him, and that he had detained the ship three days after all things were ready with the expectation of my arrival, but I had disre-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 119

garded his entreaties for me to be there iu time, and disappointed him in his most sanguine wishes ; he added that he would have detained the ship longer could he have had his own way, but the owner would not consent to his remaining another hour. After having read it, I threw the letter from me with an indignation, and vented my feelings in a plentiful shower of tears. In short, like a disappointed child, I wept more or less during the day. My father told me to dry up my tears and go with him to the office, and recover back my money, (which was four pounds sterling, the amount of sixteen dollars,) but I told him I did not care for the money, neither would I go ; he however in- sisted that I should go, and went out and procured a carriage. I accordingly, though much against my will, was obliged to accompany him ; they however would only allow me half, with which I returned, pei'feetly indifferent as- to whether I had received any or not. On the following day I received another letter from my husband, which was written after they were under way, and sent ashore by the pilot. He expressed deep regret that I was not with him, as likewise three gentlemen, who were going passengers, two of whom had instruments of music. He requested me to take ail the comfort I could during his absence, and he would return as soon as. he possibly could..

I shall pass over the intervening time (which was principally spent in the society of my mother and sister,) till my brother's arrival, about two months after my husband's departure; He was still .beautiful and dear as ever to a fond sister's heart — his deportment was altogether changed and divested of all those boyish antics, to which he had hith- erto been so much addicted — his conversation was more rational and improved, and I would sit for hours with deep interest to hear him relate the perils, hardships and accidents of his voyage ; he had been cast away in one of the shallops, on going for Elephants, but he and the crew escaped to shore. They were then about four hundred miles from the ship, which they were a fortnight in traveling — having scarcely a shoe to their feet, and no food excepting what birds they could kill with stones or ice, which they were obliged to eat raw ; and no place to rest their weary limbs upon but a hank of snow, and the canopy of heaven for sheltering ; they had likewise with them a little cabin boy, who they were obliged to cany alternately upon their backs. In this situation they arrived opposite the ship, when one of them tearing a piece from his shirt made a signal, on which the boat came immediately to the shore, and took them on board. Their hands and feet were so frozen, and in other respects so much exhausted that they

120 the widow's offering.

were obliged to be hoisted on board in a chair. The captain wept over them like a child, as he concluded that they were all lost. He imme- diately ordered a warm bath to cleanse themselves, and some gruel ; of which he fed them himself, fearing if left to their own discretion, they would overload their stomachs. He then, after their being washed brought them clean linen, and assisted to place them comfortably in bed ; in short, he continued his attentions with the affection of a father, until they were perfectly recovered, and for a length of time after would not suffer them to go in a boat. Thus would my dear brother sit and recount his sufferings, and finally concluded that he should go but one more voyage in the south sea trade, as by that time he should be competent to take the command of a ship to any part of the world. But to be brief, he continued at home about two months, when he again bid us a solemn, and an affectionate farewell. I felt a melancholy foreboding of something dreadful, but of what nature I knew not. I clung around his neck and sobbed aloud. Oh my dear brother, I ex- claimed ! I feel as though we were parting never to meet again. Hush, hush, my sweet sister, he replied, and dispel such gloomy ideas from your heart; I shall return again in safety, and smilingly added, there is a sweet little cherub that sits up aloft, will keep watch for the life of your brother. He then tore himself from me, embraced his mother, shook hands with his father and rushed out of the room.

The ship sailed that afternoon and left my mother and me iu an. agony of grief. We however, in a few days received a letter from him dated at Plymouth. He wrote in high spirits, and said they had a fair wind, and e'very prospect of having a quick passage out — that I must throw away all gloomy prognostics, and expect his return in a twelve month. This letter served in a small measure, to dispel the gloom which pervaded my bosom, and I sought in society to conquer those feelings, which could not be done in retirement. I visited many of those friends whom I had neglected since my return, likewise devot- ed much of my time to the piano forte, which having been so long out of practice, I had almost forgotten; it served to beguile many an anxious hour, and when nothing else could create cheerfulness, a tuue upon that would arouse me from my lethargy. I however, in a few months after had other things to occupy my time, as I had become the mother of a young son, who claimed all my attention and care; he soon become the darling of the house, and the idol of his grandmother. I procured a young nursery maid to attend upon him when I was other- wise engaged. My father took great notice of him, and if at any time

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 121

when under the girl's care, he should happen to cry suddenly, he would say that she had pinched or hurt him in some other way, while poor Mary with tears in her eyes, would avouch her innocence. I continued with my parents until my husband's arrival, and then commenced house- keeping. He had made a lucrative voyage, but the ship being so large he had found great difficulty in procuring freight, which detained him much longer than he expected ; she was likewise an old vessel, and it was his determination not to go in her again, he accordingly took the command of a ship bound to the Baltic, which was detained several weeks to repair and take in her cargo, during which time our house was run down with company — preparations were constantly making for dinner, tea, and evening parties until I was almost worn out with fatigue. My husband, however, was never better pleased than when surrounded with a room full of company ; we were likewise obliged to return those visits, which occupied the remainder-of the time, and left me not a moment for retirement or reflection. He took great pleasure in exhibiting our dear little boy, and would frequently carry him out among our friends and be absent for two or three hours. But the time had again arrived which claimed all his attention to business, as they had begun taking in their cargo which was accomplished in a week ; and after taking an affectionate leave of his wife and darling boy, he again left the shores of Great Britain.

I now enjoyed those peaceful hours, free from the din of company, which I had so ardently wished for, although agreeable to the rules of etiquette, I was frequently compelled to mingle in the fashionable circle, which was irksome to me, in the extreme ; but I was generally recom- pensed on my return, by the endearing caresses of my lovely babe. His little nurse now became sick and was obliged to leave, who was replaced by one older, by the name of Isabel. She usually walked out with him each day to visit his grandmother and aunt, as it was difficult for either of them to leave their family to visit me. My father had became so helpless, that it was dangerous for him to be left one moment alone, with none but the housemaid. I felt extremely uneasy at the situation of my poor mother, and earnestly requested her to come and reside with me, which she strongly objected to, alledging that he would be too troublesome. I however told her that I could obviate that diffi- culty by sparing her two rooms exclusively for herself, and auy other part of the house she thought proper to make use of. After many en- treaties and much reasoning she, finally, concluded to come. She ac- cordingly rented their house, and shortly after removed to mine.

122 the widow's offering.

My anxiety had now greatly subsided, having the comforting society of my tender mother and being near to render what assistance I could to my aged father. He frequently, when attempiug to walk, would stagger aud near fall, when some of us would run and lead him again to bis chair. He shortly after had a severe attack of the gout, which continued duriug the winter; lis hands, feet and knees were swollen to such an enormous size that we could not perceive a bone. He con- tinued in great distress, at intervals, all that spring — although, at the same time, he enjoyed a good appetite. He complained, one day, of a violent pain in his shoulder and breast, which did not prevent him, how- ever, from making a hearty dinner of roast beef aud apple dumplings, after which, his spasms increased to such an alarming height, that my mother sent for the doctor, during which we removed him to the sofa ; but alas ! the pangs of death had seized him, and when the doctor ar- rived, he was breathing his last. He pronounced his disorder to be the gout in the stomach ; they seldom or ever recovered.

Our house was once more the mansion of sorrow. My afflicted moth- er grieved incessantly for the death of her husband ; for although he had been addicted to so many disagreeable propensities, (which she had ever borne with saint-like fortitude,) she now felt that she had lost her only protector, and that she was in a foreign land, among stran- gers, and far distant from her own native home and connections. I sincerely sympathized in the affliction of my beloved mother, and done all that I could to console her. My sister and her husband were like- wise indefatigable iu their attentions, and Mr. H, had the ordering of thiugs necessary for the funeral, which took place on the third day after his decease, when we followed our lamented parent to the grave, my mother being too ill to attend.

My father left no property, except a small stipend — the remains of his scattered fortune — to the disposal of my mother, and likewise their dwelling-house, which she disposed of, and resided altogether wi<di me, and as her family was now broken up, I advised her to discharge her servant, as mine would answer for us both.

We had been iu hourly expectation of my brother's arrival, but in- stead of seeing him, I received a letter, dated at Liverpool, which in- formed me that they had put iuto that port on their return — that he had left the ship and taken the command of another, bound lor Ameri- ca, and they were so busy in taking in their cargo, that it would be im- possible for him to visit his dear mother aud sisters previous to sailing. 1 was greatly disappointed at the prospect of not seeing my brother,

the widow's offering. 123

but at the same time rejoiced that be had returned so far in safety. I could not, however, dispel those gloomy forebodings that I could never behold him again, and wrote to him my apprehensions, with also the account of his father's death. I received his farewell letter a few days previous to his departure, which 1 incessantly wept over each perusal. Shortly after his departure my little boy was iuocculated for the small pox, much against the doctor's inclination, as he wished me to have him vaccinated ; but I positively objected to it, as I had known instan- ces where, after vaccination, they had taken the small pox and died ; and another inducement which I urged was, that my mother's children had all been iuocculated for the small pox, and done well. When the medical gentleman saw that my determination was fixed, he was oblig- ed— though reluctantly — to yield ; but said that he should have to ride fifteen miles for the medicine, as he knew of no other family having that disorder. He accordingly, on the following day, procured the stuff, and inocculated my child. He was a fat, lovely little fellow, and had never a day of sickness — which the doctor said would be of great ad- vantage— as his constitution was perfectly pure, and now was the most proper time for him to have it, as he had the breast to comfort him, which nourishment he would take, when, perhaps, any other might be rejected. In a few days the disorder began to make its appearance, without any symptoms of illness, and the second day after he had about twenty pustules, which all filled clear and beautiful ■ and the doctor was so gratifiad that he applauded me highly for my resolution, and mentioned it to a number of bis patients, who took courage also, and had their children inoculated from mine to the number of thirty ; — the doctor would come three or four times a day to procure some of the stuff for that purpose, as long as it lasted.

My dear little boy was now out of danger, and my heart in that re- spect was again restored to peace. I returned thanks to God for his sparing mercies, and commended my child to his fatherly protection. In two months after this I was taken extremely ill with the yellow jaundice, which obliged me to wean him, and in which situation my husband found me on his arrival. I continued in a weak, miserable 6tate for six months after, during which he had given up the command of his vessel, and taken a share in a brig, and invested the principal part of his property in that and a cargo, and again set sail for the Mediter- ranean. My health was still very precarious, as I was in a weak and debili ated state ; but this was only the beginning of my afflictions, as the chastening hand of God was already upraised to strike the death-

12-i THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

blow to our air-built dreams of future prosperity and happiness. After they having been gone about ten weeks, the news arrived that the ves- sel and all were lost — which, however, was incorrect, as the crew were saved. My husband returned shortly after this ; but 0 ! dreadful to relate, in a melancholy state of derangement. He clasped me in agony to his heart. 0, my beloved wife, he exclaimed ! I have ruined you, myself and my boy ! All, all is gone. Be calm my dear husband I replied, and do not give way to dispair, you will soon retrieve your losses. 0 no, no, he replied, all, all, is gone, for the merciless ocean has swallowed it all. He would then wring his hands in agony, and press them against his forehead.

My mother and I said and did all we could to console him, but it seemed only an agravation to his troubles. He would start up in the night and call out for them to save the things that were afloat. In short, we soon perceived that Iris intellect was impaired, and was apprehensive that he would never be fit for business again. He how- ever, in a short time became more reconciled, and would walk out with some of his friends, who daily called for that purpose, in order to divert his melancholy ; and finally appeared so rational that he had the offer of a ship, then laying at Portsmouth, which he unhesitatingly accepted. But ah, full well I knew that he would not answer, as the incoherent language, and vacant stare, connected with a debility of frame, confirm- ed me in my opinion, that he was not competent for the charge. He however was bent upon going, and in a hurrying distracted manner prepared for his journey. I accompanied him to the stage office where I remained till I saw him safely seated, on the following morning, in the stage and on the road, when I requested the Ostler to procure me a carriage ; and with an aching heart, at the dawn of day returned to my solitary home. I immediately undressed and retired to bed, as I was far from being well ; this recent event had caused such a nervous debility that I was in a continual tremor.

My mother now brought my darling boy and laid him on my arms. I viewed his sweet cherub face with anguish, which I bathed with a torrent of tears, and pressed him with redoubled affection to my throb- ing bosom. His infantile endearments served in a great measure to sooth the agonies of my mind. 0 my heavenly father, I ejaculated ! shield my beloved child from the storms of a tempestuous world — be thou his father and his guide through life. I give him to thee, and do thou with him, as thou shall think best ; but O spare him to his unhap- py mother. That short but fervent prayer I believe was then register-

the •widow's offering. 125

ed in Heaven, as it has since been answered, far beyond my expectations; and well do I remember the solemnity of my feelings when it was made. I now felt happier in my mind, as I knew that if he was de- prived of his father here, he had one in heaven who was better able to protect him than an earthly one.

On parting I requested my husband to write immediately after his arrival at Portsmouth, which he promised to do ; but day after day succeeded each other without receiving a letter. I became almost frantic with apprehensions, that something dreadful had happened — when at the expiration of three weeks, I received a letter from the lady with whom he boarded, informing me that Captain E. was at her house in a deranged state, and required the immediate care of his friends. Now, now, I exclaimed ! and wringing my hands in agony — what shall I do, or what will become of me ? 0, my Heavenly father, support me under this trial — but there was no time to be lost. I im- mediately sent for a carriage — drove to the mail office and engaged a place for that night. After which I returned home, shifted my dress, took tea, and at sun-set repaired again to the office. The mail carriage was protected by three guards, dressed in the King's livery ; which was a scarlet coat, with gold lace trimming. We had to pass over Houns-Lane Heath, a dreary plain of several miles, which was greatly infested with high- way robbers ; but I was not by any means intimidated, for my mind was in such a state, that had a host of them surrounded me) I do not think I should have been awed. There were two other ladies in the carriage who appeared dreadfully alarmed while crossing the Heath. We however, reached the extent of it in safety, to the no small joy of my fellow travelers, and arrived the next morning at six o'clock.

I went direct to my husband's boarding-house, and was told that he had just risen from bed — and being conducted to his room, I approached where he was sitting ; but O, hoAV altered, his countenance looked pale, haggard, his hair uncombed, his linen and clothes dirty and disordered. He looked at me with a mild, scrutinizing stare, and said — well Eliza, how do you do my dear. I told him that I was not well, and inquired how he was. O I am pretty well, I thank you, he replied. My oppressed heart could hold no longer, and I burst into a convulsive flood of tears. What is the matter, he said — what makes you cry so dear ? Oh my poor husband, I replied, (taking his binning hand, which I pressed to my own beating temples,) you are lost to yourself, to me and the world. 0 no, he replied, we are not lost — she is all ready for 12

126 the -widow's offering

sea, and to-morrow we shall sail ; but he added, iu a hurried toue, it is time for me to be on board, and arose from his seat for that purpose — but in attempting to do so, had nearly fallen, and staggered as though he had been under the influence of liquor. I hastily arose and replaced him again in his chair, and putting my lips to his to ascertain whether my surniisings were correct. I inhaled the same balmy breath which had so often mingled with mine, in sweet accents of love. He then pressed his two hands upon his forehead, and uttered an exclamation of Oh ! and trembled with such violence, as though he was in an ague fit. I asked him if his head pained him — he said yes, a little. I then rang the bell and ordered breakfast to be brought into the chamber, and likewise some camphor, with which I bathed his head and temples, and then took breakfast. After which, I sent for a barber, and re- quested the servant to bring me a basin of warm water. I then washed him, and shifted his clothes and linen; but by the time I had finished, he seemed much exhausted — he nevertheless was anxious to go on board of ship. You must not go my dear, I replied — you are going home with me to see oiu* dear little boy. Where is my boy, he replied, fixing his eyes steadfastly upon me. He is at home I answer- ed, with our mother. Well, come, he said, let us go. But I told him that we could not go till the next morning. O, he replied, that was always the case. On looking over his] trunk, I perceived that half of his clothes were missing, and inquired of him what had become of them ; but he could give me no correct answer. I inquired also of the land- lady, but she could give me no information concerning them, and I was consequently obliged, in silence to put up with the loss. Several gen- tlemen called to see him in the course of the day, of whom I inquired concerning his ship. They informed me that on his arrival, his conver- sation was so unconnected that they immediately discovered his intel- lect to be impaired, and that he was not capable of taking charge of her, and they were consequently obliged to engage another Captain « they likewise informed me that he was subject to fits, one of which was so severe, that they were obliged to call in medical aid, who had pro- nounced his disorder to be a delirium of the brain, and that he ought to be under the immediate attention of the faculty.

After we had taken dinner I prevailed upon my poor husband to lay down, and I watched over him until he had fallen into a gentle slumber, and then wept over him with tears of the bitterest sorrow. I viewed that countenance and forrn which so late had shone forth in all the brilliancy of manly beauty, and those sunken eyes, which had so often

tiie widow's offehing. 127

gazed with fond delight upon his lovely wife, (as he was accustomed to call me) with heart-felt grief. But 0, my Heavenly father, it was Thou alone who supported me under that heavy affliction. I was so worn out with mental and bodily fatigue, not having any rest the pre- ceding night, that I threw myself upon the bed where I remained till tea was brought up. After which, having settled with the landlady, I repaired with my husband and baggage to the coach office, and the fol- lowing morning commenced our journey for London, where we arrived at seven o'clock in the evening and at home by eight. My mother met us with an anxious look and tearful eyes, while she pressed me with parental affection to her bosom, and inquired how I was. O mama, I replied, I am ill, my heart is broken — I have traveled one hundred and forty-six miles in a day and a night, without having an hour's sleep. My poor child, she replied, you must have something warm, and go to bed early, and taking my husband by the hand, said — well my son, how are you. I am pretty well, thank you, he replied, and drawing his hand across his eyes and forehead, looked steadfastly at her, as though he wanted to recollect who she was, and said in a hurried tone, how do you do mother. "We now entered the parlor, where sat our maid Betty, with my darling boy in her arms, who had just fallen asleep, but on hearing my voice started up and extended his arms to come to me. He looked at me a moment, patted my cheek, and said mama, and nestled his face in my bosom. Those precious endearments were a cordial to his mother's lacerated heart, and I felt that God had given me this child to comfort me in my afflictions. I then placed him upon his father's knee, who said, come my pet boy, and eagerly kissed him • but in so doing was seized with a similar trembling to that at Ports- mouth. I was so greatly alarmed, fearing he would have a fit, that I hastily took the child, and gave him to his grandmother, and again bathed his head in camphor, and held it against my bosom until the paroxysm subsided. I afterwards found that any occurrence which either excited or overpowered his feelings, always threw him into that state.

Tea was now served, which he partook with a craving appetite, being unconscious of the quantity he ate. Shortly after we arose from the table and assisted him to bed — and was thankful that I once more had an opportunity of resting my weary limbs. I however obtained but little rest, as the contending emotions of my heart banished sleep from my eyes. My husband's slumbers were disturbed and broken. He would frequently start up and look wildly around him, making some

128 the widow's offering.

incoherent speech and then again lay down. I arose in the mornin^ weary and unrefreshed, and after breakfast sent for doctor Rutherford. He had been our. family doctor for several years, and was considered one of the first physicians in London. He pronounced his case to be desperate, as the malady was seated upon his brain. I asked him if he thought there was any prospect of his recovery. But he shook his head and replied — it is a doubtful case, but we will do all we can for him. He prepared medicine, which he administered before leaving him. But to be brief— he continued bis attendance for several weeks without any appearance of amendment, when he shaved the back part of his head, and then cupped him from the crown down to the small of his back. I kept his hands in mine during the operation, while the tears trickled down upon my cheeks as fast as the blood from his back. He stood like a lamb before Ms shearer, without making any resist- ance or uttering a word. After having finished, they prepared a large blister which they placed between his shoulders and another upon his neck, and then leaving a prescription departed. His treatment how- ever, made no alteration in the disorder, as it was too firmly seated ever to be removed. He would sit for days together without speaking unless he was spoken to, and then would start like one waking from sleep, and return some incoherent answer. He would frequently relapse into a fit which now had grown stronger and more obstinate. After which he would be so debilitated that he could not stand without as- sistance. He continued in this melancholy situation for the space of a year. During which time he was attended by doctors from the London Hospital, and likewise St. Thomas', who all pronounced his case to be incurable. He was at length takenwith one his of violent paroxysms, and when the doctor arrived, was in the last struggles of expiring nature, and in a moment after ceased to exist — the lamp of life was gone forever. The stroke was so sudden and unexpected, (although it had long been anticipated,) that I could not realize it, and they bore me out of the room in a state of distraction. I called upon my beloved in vain, and wept till I could weep no longer. My mother, and my faithful Betty said all they could to comfort me, and as it was nearly night prevailed upon me to undress and retire to bed, but alas not to rest ; as the contending motions of my heart banished sleep from my eyes, and rest to my eyelids. I thought of my dear departed husband with heart-felt sorrow, and the happy hours we had spent in each oth- er's society; likewise of his kind and affectionate conduct towards me —his love and adoration. I was the idolized wife of his bosom, acd

THE "widow's offering. 129

he thought there was not my equal, nor anything on earth too good for me ; but God in his judgment had taken him from me, and in this blow had crushed all my future prosj^ects of prosperity and hapj)iness.

I arose the next morning with a violent headache — sick and weary. They led me to the room where lay the remains of my lamented hus- band. His countenance looked mild and placid, and more natural than it had for many months past while living — his lips still retained a faint color, and his beautiful forehead appeared like the polished marble. My feelings were such, as not to be described, and in the bitterness of grief, left the room. It is useless to give a description of the mournful retinue, the solemn mutes, and the nodding plumes upon the horses heads. Suffice it to say, that on the third day after his death, he was consigned to the tomb. I now felt myself alone and unprotected — left a widow in the morning of life — with a fatherless child, with fortuue gone, and hopes blighted. I beheld not a cheering prospect before me, though sometimes a faint ray would dart across my mind while thinking of my brother, as I well knew that if he was spared, that he would be to me a father, brother and a provider — but alas, God had yet greater afflictions in store for me. The house which I occupied was large, handsome, and elegantly "furnished. (My furniture was valued at two thousand dollars.) Several of the rooms since my husband's death, had not been occupied, as we now lived more retired, and kept but little company. I therefore rented four rooms furnished, to four single gen- tlemen, who paid me a guinea per week for each, or twenty -.five dollars. This was a pretty income without any trouble of providing, for them. My little George was now the idol of the house. The gentlemen, (two of whom were acquainted with his father,) almost worshiped him ; they were constantly bringing him toys, cakes and candies, and the moment they came home, would have him in their rooms, and frequently keep him till bed time, and then bring him asleep into the parlor. He was a lovely interesting child, as he could walk and say anything, and con- sequently afforded them much amusement — his grandmother likewise, and his Betty, (as he used to call her), thought that there was never such another. In short, he was the only consolation to a fond mother's heart; as when in folding him in my embraces, it seemed as if all my cares were forgotten.

It was now upwards of two years since we had received a line from

my brother Valentine, which not only astonished, but caused much

anxiety to his mother and me. Edward however, shortly after arrived

again at Liverpool, who informed us that he had seen his brother, and

*12

130 THE WIDOWS 0FFERIX3.

that he had been unfortunate in business, as likewise his family — having- lost one of his children by being burnt to death in the absence of its mother ; he had also built a ship, but war being declared between England and America, he could do nothing with her, and was obliged to lay her up, where she was frozen in during the winter, and that he had already lost by her seven thousand dollars. We now conjectured the reason of my brother's long silence, that he did not wish to inform us of his losses and misfortunes, knowing that we had afflictions of our own, and not wishing to involve us in his also ; but still we thought it unkind of him not to answer our letters. I had written to Edward since his arrival, and implored him by all the ties of sisterly affection, to come to London, if it was only for a few days — that we all anxiously wished to see him, and particularly my dear little boy, who was con- stantly talking about arid wishing to see his uncle Edward ;' but we wrote an answer that he must again visit the shores of America before he could have the satisfaction of seeing his beloved sister. This disap- pointment was deeply felt by us all ; for my part I wept night and day as I was still impressed with the melancholy idea that I should never again behold him. He shortly after wrote us his farewell letter, and departed for America. Time and resignation had again restored peace to my troubled bosom ; as while in the society of my beloved mother and child, it appeared as if all my sorrows were lulled to rest. But Satan again entered my dwelling in the garb of friendship, to destroy that tranquility which began to be established.

I had n.vw been a widow about ten months, when my fashionable friends, who considered my days of mourning nearly expired, flocked around me in crowds, declaring that I was moping myself to death, and if I continued to do so, a delirium would be the consequence, and that I must go more into company, to divert my melancholy. Iu short, they persuaded, solicited, and conquered ; and I again entered the gay circle with as much ardor as ever. But that God whom I had vowed to serve had watched my rebellious proceedings, and was "ready to check me in my mad career. I had been invited to a splendid ball, (given by some of the London Merchants,) which invitation I accepted. An elegant dress of black silk, and ornamented for the occasion, was accordingly purchased, and being adorned with black jewelry of car-rings; finger- rings, necklace, broach and bracelets, aud glittering with black bugles,, I entered the ball room, aud being seated, observed a large and brilliant assemblage of elegant dressed females, but not a solitary one in black. I felt mortified that there was no other lady in mourning but myself,

THE "WIDOW'S OFFERING. 131

and my upbraiding conscience loudly whispered that I had no business there. I suggested my feelings to the sister of my partner who sat near me, and regretted that I had attended. She laughed, and said that it was a common practice to attend balls in mourning — that she had done it herself, and that mine was elegant and very becoming. Her flattery however, did not quell the monitor within. She and her brother talked incessantly, but I heeded not wiiat they said, as all the solemnity of my husband's funeral, was now portrayed to my view ; but in the midst of my contemplation, my partner, on hearing the band strike up caught me by the hand and led me to the dance ; my feet however became riveted to the spot, and I was unable to take a step. He dragged me about as well as he could, but my head became dizzy. I spoiled the figure — complained of sickness, and wa&lead to my seat. I requested him, after having finished his dance, to convey me home, and deeply regretted that I was tempted to accompany him ; but I was sufficiently punished for the trr. i isgression. This check, however, did not prevent me from following the gay throng, and I entered with renewed avidity iuto all the fashionable follies of the day, not because I delighted in them, (as I ever prefered retirement,) but because it was the fashion; although conscience was continually upbraidiDg me, as I knew that I had long since taken my baptismal vows of infancy upon myself, and in the sight of God and the congregation, had promised to renounce the devil and all his works, the pomps aud vanities of this wicked world, and the sinful lusts of the flesh, to keep God's holy com- mandments, and walk in the same all the days of my life. I had like- wise vowed upon a dying bed, that if the Lord would again raise me, I would devote the remainder of my life to him. Now these I knew were awful responsibilities which I should have to answer for at the bar of God; but the tempter was ever near upon these occasions to appease the faithful monitor within; he persuaded me the vanities I was following were nothing more than innocent amusements — that pro- fessors with their children attended, that I read my bible, prayed, gave alms and attended church, and that was sufficient. 0 the long suffering, mercy aud forbearance of God. I have often wondered that ho had not crushed me in a moment, with all my sins, and sent me to bewail my unhappy fate, where hope could never come ; but no, he was spar- ing me yet longer, and endeavoring by his fatherly corrections to save me from eternal destruction, and was then preparing a blow which would humble me in his sight, and demolish my own self righteousness. I shall now pass over a twelve month — since my brother's departure

132 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

from England — during which I had received a letter announcing his in- tention of sailing in a few days (as Master of a ship,) for the West In- dies ; but since then we had heard nothing further. We were, how- ever, anxiously looking for his return, and in hourly expectation of a letter, but several weeks elapsed without receiving any information, af- ter which, my mother and me being devoted one day at work, Betty, who had been sweeping the hall, came running in with a letter, which she gave to her. Oh ! I exclaimed, a letter from our dear Edward ; but on looking at the superscription, she said no, it is from Valentine, this is his writing, but, gracious heaven ! she added on turning it over, what is the meaning of this black seal, which with trembling fingers, she broke. I Avatched her countenance in awful suspense, which in a mo- ment became pa^3 as death, and the letter fell from her hand ; I sprang from my seat exclaiming, what is the matter, mama, what has happen- ed. Your brother my dear, she replied — what of my brother, I asked in terror, (but the dreadful truth had already flashed across my mind,) read, my child, she replied, pointing to the letter, read for yourself ; I took it up, but who can portray the agonies of my afflicted heart, on readiug that my beloved brother was no more ; he had taken the yel- low fever in the West Indies, and died on his passage to ]S"ew York; now were my solemn forebodings verified, for God had smitten us in his fierce anger, he had bereaved a tender mother of her darling son, and me of an idolized brother, and bitter was it to reflect that he had no friends near to comfort him in his dying moments, that he had no ten- der mother to minister unto his wants, no affectionate sister to render him any assistance, or wipe the death sweat from his manly brow, none to point him to the Saviour, or to pour the balm of consolation into his dying bosom — 0 no, he had nought but the hardy mariners (who were unaccustomed to such scenes,) for his attendants — the hamniuck was his coffin, and the ocean his tomb ; rest thee dearest brother, in thy bil- lowy grave, never more shall we meet in this world of sorrow, until the loud trump of the arch angel shall sound, and the sea shall give up her dead ; then shall we meet, I trust, in those bright mansions of glory where all sighing and sorrow shall be done away, and all tears wiped from our eyes. This. afflicting visitation was almost too heavy for us to bear, morning, noon and evening, found me in tears, nor could I be com- forted ; my unhappy mother mourned in silence her second beloved son, she said but little, but, oh how often did I behold the tears chasing each other down her palid cheeks,, which plainly eviuced the sorrow of her heart.

the widow's offering. 133

My dear little boy was now the only comfort I had ; he had been nearly a year at school, and began to read pretty well, he was present- ed with little story books from all quarters, and would take great de- light in reading them to his grandma and me ; he was then four years old, a lovely and interesting child, but I dared not make to myself an- other idol, as I was well convinced that in so doing it would be taken from me, and consequently I endeavored to check every tender emotion. My mother and me lived almost secluded from society for nearly a year after the death of my lamented brother ; we enjoyed but little of my sister's society, as she now being the mother of three children, had no time to spare from her family, we had however, multitudes of other visitors, both gentlemen and ladies ; one of the gentlemen, who was a lawyer, was desirous of paying his attentions to me, but on giving him no encouragement, and finally telling him that his advances were not agreeable, he gave up the pursuit. I was likewise seriously addressed by a merchant, who was a tenant in the house, with proffers of marriage but feeling indifferent alike to all, I gave him but little encouragement, he however would not be discouraged, and pursued his suit with greater avidity, hoping to obtain a promise that I would accept his offer, but it was not my intention to confine myself to any such promise, as I was in no haste to alter my situation ; Mr. Houston was a gentleman of un- deniable character, and concerned in a lucrative business, in one of the oldest established houses in London, but he was passionately fond of company, and attended all the fashionable amusements of the day, and as such, my mother disapproved of him altogether ; all his promises were flattering inducements, but they required time for consideration, and consequently I could give him no decisive answer.

Two more years had glided away, during which we had written seve- ral times to my brother Valentine, but had received no answers ; we felt extremely hurt at his unkindness and neglect ; my mother would sit for hours together and talk of her dear native America, and wished more than ever to be there, but alas, those wishes were 4never to be realized ; while sitting one day and conversing upon this subject, a letter was hand- ed me by the postman ; I took it with a sigh, as it reminded me of the correspondence between- my late beloved brother and myself ; I opened it carelessly, not feeling any interest from whom it came, but who can conceive my astonishment and agitation, on beholding it to be a letter from my long forgotten juvenile lover, William Coster ; my agitation was so great that I read it over two or three times before I could con- vince myself that it was really from him — or comprehend what he had

134 THE 'widow's offering.

written. He wrote that after a long silence, he had taken up his pen to renew a correspondence, which had ever been agreeable to his feel- ings, and was more particularly induced to it from a coneiousness that it had the same effect on mine, that he had seeu a letter to my brother, mentioning the death of my husband, and he had the coneiousness of hav- ing had possession of my heart, even while my hand belonged to anoth- er, that his affection was still unabated, and if I valued his happiness and my own, that I would embrace the earliest opportunity of coming to America ;«he added that he had been much blessed in his worldly affairs, and nothing was wanting to complete his happiness, but that I should partake of it, and he once more requested, that after the receipt of his letter, that I would arrange my affairs, and come out, where his hand and his heart would be open to receive me. This unexpected let- ter aroused all those feelings which had so long lain dormant ; it brought fresh to my view all the beloved scenes of my childhood years, and like- wise the dear youth of my earliest affections, whom I now felt was the still cherished object of my heart, (and in his own words) altho' my hand had been given to another, my heart was still his.

My mother rejoiced greatly on receiving this letter, through which, she flattered herself, that we should all be again transplanted on our native shores ; and it was likewise her fondest wish that an alliance would take place between us, but oh, beloved motber, thy wishes were never realized, God had greater afflictions in store for thy unhappy daughter. My mind was now in so peturbed a state that I was almost incapable of attending to anything, as I well knew if I accepted the in- vitation, what an undertaking it would be, the idea of which kept me for a month in an undetermined state ; I however returned an immediate answer to his letter with an acknowledgement of my unaltered affection, also, the difficulties I should have to encounter with, if I acceded to his wishes, and that I shoidd impatiently wait for his answer before I con- cluded upon anything. I however wrote again by the March packet, fearing that my first might misscarry, and waited with much uneasiness till April, but no auswer arrived ; I nevertheless, made inquiries whether there was any vessel bound for S. I. that season, and was informed only one, -which would sail in June, and no other uutill Autumn ; I conse- quently engaged a passage for myself and little son, hoping that before we left England I should reeei ve a letter. On Mr. Houston's hearing my determination of returning to America he appeared greatly disappoint- ed, and used all the persuasive language he was master of to prevail upon me to stay, and said that he had flattered himself from the begin-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 135

ing, that I would get discouraged and give up the idea of going ; like- wise that he had chosen me from the world — that he had the most since- re affection for me, and had been wailing upwards of a year with the expectation of Laving a favorable answer to his proposals, but now through the incautious step I was about to take, I had blighted his fu- ture prospects of happiness. I told him that I was extremely sorry to be the cause of a moments regret, but that Mr. Coster had a prior claim, my having been his aflSnanced -wife from childhood, and had it not been for the opposition of my father, we shouldlong ere thou have been unit- ed. Well madam, he replied, I siucerely wish that all your anticipated happiuess may be realized, but depend upon it — that in four months af- ter leaving Euglaud you will repent the day that you rejected my pro- posals. Alas, how true ; would to God I had accepted them, but the great disposer of events had ordered it otherwise.

I now engaged with an auctioneer to dispose of my goods, but in so doing my heart became keenly oppressed with a melancholy presenti- ment that something dreadful would follow, and that I was turning myself out of house and home — I however strove to dispel those gloomy ideas. In packing up and arranging things for the voyage, I selected some valuable articles of furniture, which I prepared to take with me, and then set down* and wrote my last letter to Mr. C. giving him an inventory of the aforesaid articles, and in case of any accident happening to me, that they were to be disposed of for the benefit of my child ; at the same time entrusting him to the care of my brother, if he should be there, and if not whether he would act in his stead ; but I well knew that in such a case, he would do all that I required of him. After having disposed of my letter in the post-office, I settled with the auctioneer, finished packing my luggage, and then had it conveyed to the Custom-house, where it was to remain until the vessel sailed, which was to take place the ensuing week. I accordingly gave up my house — settled my accounts and removed to my sisters. I had now no home, and already regretted that I had been so precipitate as not to have waited, (even if it had been till autumn) for an answer ; but it was now too late to repent, and the anxiety of my mind became almost insup- portable, in which state I continued until the Captain called to inform me that he should sail on the following day, and requested me to be at the Custom-house as early after breakfast as possible, to see that my luggage was all correct. I accordingly after a sleepless night arose with a heart torn with a thousand conflicting emotions ; and after taking a hasty breakfast, bade a long and agonizing farewell to my beloved

13G THE "WIDOWS OFFERING.

mother and sister, never again to meet this side of the grave. My brother-in-law accompanied me and my little boy to the Custom-house, and thence to the brig. After having seen my luggage safe in the boat, he remained on board until the vessel was under way, and then taking an affectionate leave seated himself in the last boat, and went on shore- I followed him with my eyes, till I could no longer discern him, and burst into a flood of tears. I took my little boy by the hand, and led him to the cabin, and into the stateroom which was appropriated for us ; where in the bitterness of my soul I gave vent to my feelings* The last voyage I had made I had a husband to shield and protect me from danger ; but now I was not only cast upon the dangers of the boisterous deep, without a guide or protector with a fatherless child' but had every reason to fear that I should be thrown destitute upon the billows of a tempestuous world. My little George was extremely sick during the first week of our voyage, but shortly after became better. There was likewise another lady passenger on board with a little daughter, nearly of bis own age, who soon were intimately acquainted ; the children amused themselves for hours upon deck, which afforded the sailors much diversion ; they would sometimes make a swing for them, and at times roll a hoop, or play at marbles. I was under the ne- cessity of being the greatest part of my time upon deck, as I was in con- stant apprehension of his falling overboard, and felt always thankful when the day was spent, and he was safely in bed.

I forgot to mention, that previous to my departure, my mother pre- sented me with our family bible. This precious gift was the constant companion of each leisure hour, and I there found such comfort as my own bosom could not afford. Our passage was long and tedious, (altho' the weather was fine) as it was eight weeks before we arrived at our destined port. I inquired of the pilot if he knew my brother, he answer- ed in the affirmative, I then requested him to call and inform him of my Arrival, but I had scarcely finished preparing myself and child to go on shore, when I heard the well kaown voice of my brother desiring ad- mittance, I opened the door and in a moment was encircled iu his arms ; but oh, how different did he appear from the brother I had left, when embarkiug for England, sorrow and despairod was seat on his counte- nance. I inquired respecting his affairs, and my dear sister, he replied: I am a ruined man, my ship, which cost me a fortune before I sent her away, has been taken and burnt at sea, my business has gone down, and my apprentices turned out of doors by my wife, who is continually up- braiding me for being unfortunate ; I rejoice my dear sister, he continuedj

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 137

that I have once more the happiness of seeiDg you, but sincerely regret you have come, as it is uow not in my power to render you any assis- tance. Alas, my unhappy brother, I replied, may the lord comfort you but why have you not written to us for such a length of time. Oh, he replied, I did not wish to aggravate your sorrows, by a recital of my

own.. Where, I inquired, is William C . Poor fellow, he replied,

he is no more. What did you say — I asked, looking wildly at him, and almost gasping for breath. I say that poor C. is gone forever ; his death was -either accidental or intentional, no one can tell which. Gracious heaven ! I replied, (wringing my hands in agony.) Support me under my accumulating afflictions, and Oh tell me, where and how he met his death. He then informed me, that after arriving from New York with a carc;o of flour (from whence he had sent my letter,) a violent snow storm immediately commenced, and in order to see that all was secure, went down to the wharf, about twilight for that purpose, when a man was observed, by several people, muffled up to the eyes in his cloak following at a short distance behind, but no one could tell who the per- son was ; poor William, however, was found the next morning dead upon the beach, and there was no doubt among the inhabitants but that he had been pushed off the wharf, (which was very high) by the afore- said person, wbo they strangely suspected to be a near relation ; he likewise added that his only brother,, with whom he could never agree, had immediately after his death administered and taken possession of all his property, and that he had also received all my letters which he had opened and read. Impudent puppy, I replied, how dare he to take such a liberty, and were he in England I could make him suffer severely for it, as there it is an hanging offence ; and as to the murderous wretch who committed the foul deed ; although he may be concealed from pub- lic view, yet is he not in the sight of God, and the great and terrible day of the Lord — when all shall be unfolded — then shall he stand aghast with horror, when he hears the dreadful sentence, depart ye cursed into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels ; but 0 my dear brother, I continued, what is to become of your unhappy sister, I am now cast upon the wide world alone and destitute with a fatherless child — would to God I had taken the advice of Mr. Houston, and accepted his offer, but alas, a fatality attends all my undertakings. I know not, my sister, he replied, what to advise you for the best, as it is totally out of my power at present to assist you, but we will talk of this hereafter ; come, he said, let us go up to the house.

My eyes were so swollen with weeping that I was scarcely fit to be 13

138 the widow's offering

seen, aud my heart so oppressed that I felt as though I never wished again to mingle in society ; I however threw a veil over my face, and accompanied him (with my little son) home. On entering, he introduc ed me to his wife and two daughters, beautiful girls, about the age of ten and twelve, he had also, two sons, younger. His wife arose with a haughty air, and took my hand, at the same time darted a forbidding look at her husband ; that look was sufficient for me, as it spoke vol- umes. She took my bonnet and shawl, and inquired after my health, which I could only answer with tears ; my poor broken-hearted brother had seated himself in a remote corner of the room, and looked the image of death, wTith a countenance overwhelmed in sorrow. He asked her some questions, which she did not think proper to answer, and taking up his hat, he walked out. After he was gone, I observed to her that I was extremely sorry to witness such unhappiuess in their family, as that was an additional blow to my afflictions, which I wras unprepared for. She replied with bitter invectives against him, and said that he had ruined himself by engaging in the shipping business, and if he did not retrieve his losses she would not live with him. These are hard thrcatnings, I replied, and a very poor method of encouragement for his endeavoring to recover his losses, and particularly, as they come from the partner of his bosom, as such, you are bound by the solemn engage- ments of marriage, to encourage and comfort him, in adversity as well as prosperity ; I might have acted the same part as yourself, when my poor husband returned with the loss of all his property, aud broken- hearted ; instead of which I did everything that lay in my power, to comfort and console him ; I used no threatniug or reproachful language, but endeavored by kind attention and persuasive converse to restore to him his lost reason ; I did not desert him in the hour of affliction, because he had been unfortunate, 0 no, very far was such a thought from my heart, but participating in all his sorrows, I w atched and wept over him aud attended upon him till the last. Well, she replied, it was her hus- band's own fault, and he had brought his family from a state of affluence to poverty, through his own imprudence. I told her that the most pru- dent and careful persons were liable to misfortunes, — aud would have added much more, but my brother coming in, put an end to the conver- sation. After becoming a little composed, I requested him to accomp- any me to Mr. C r's for the purpose of demanding my letters ; on

our way thither, I repeated the conversation of his wife and myself, and requested him to procure me a place where I could remove to, as it was impossible for me to remain an inmate of his house another day. He

the widow's offering. 139

said that be could not blame me, and deeply regretted that be bad not even a comfortable borne to afford me ; be added, that since bis misfor- tunes he bad suffered every indignity and iusult from her "which she could offer, and when his business was in the most flourishiog state she would frequently not allow anything to be cooked for the apprentices, or suffer them to come in at bed time, and finally, for the sake of peace he was obliged to board aud lodge them out ; he would likewise often, on comiDg home aud finding nothing prepared for his supper, broil him- self a steak, aud prepare his own table, when she would arise in a fury and sweep everything off upon the floor. He said he had been indulgent to au excess, and had thrown thousands of dollars iuto her lap, of which she had never given him any account ; and that his mind was in such a distracted state, from his recent losses and her ill usage, that he was al- most incapable of attending to anything. Alas, my poor brother, it was not in the power of your afflicted sister to afford you any comfort — for what consolation could one broken spirit render to another.

But we had now arrived at Mr. C s, who after the usual salutations

and on demanding my letters he produced them, alledging that his brother was absent at the time of their arrival ; it nevertheless appear- ed a dark piece of business to me, that the melancholy death of his bro- ther should occur immediately after the receipt of my letters, and was fully confirmed, in my own mind, it had been his intention that he never should see them. My oppressed heart would allow me to say but little, and consequently left him to his own sordid reflections ; my brother, after having accompanied me to the door, left me, for the purpose of making inquiries whether there were any apartments to rent, and in a short time returned with the information thai I could have two or three in the neighborhood, at Captain M s ; I accordingly went and en- gaged then, and then reqi ested my brother to have my luggage brought on shore, and immediately took possession. 1 had brought sufficient furniture for the two rooms, excepting a table and chairs, which I pro- cured, and agaiu seated myself upon my own sofa, which I had brought with me ; but ah how different were my feelings, than when last thus seated ; I looked around with agonized feelings, at the few specimens I had brought of my former affluence. The turkey carpet, the large pier glass, the elegant paintings, the piano forte, sofa aud mahogany bed- stead, with all all the etcs., painfully reminded me of what I had been, and of my now forlorn and destitute condition. I had now no tender mother, or affectionate sister, to offer me any comfort, none but a broken hearted brother, who required as much consolation as myself. All my

140 the widow's offering.

hopes of earthly happiness were now cut off, without one cheering pros- pect before me ; Oh my heavenly father, it was then, in the agony of spirit, I called upon thee ; and altho' thou had laid thy chastening rod so heavily upon me, still thou wast near to comfort me in that hour of affliction ; I opened my bible and found therein many precious promis- es applicable to my own situation, which were cordials to myjieavy laden- ed heart. My brother provided me with some provisions and fuel, and after having put my little boy to bed, he came and spent the eveuiug with me ; he again recounted over his losses and embarrasments, wiLh many additions to his domestic sorrows — and that his wife had also taught his daughters to treat him with every indignity ; alas, my poor brother, my heart bled for you, but I could do nothing more than to par- ticipated in your sorrows.

After he had gone, being worn down with grief and fatigue, I retired to bed, and felt while enfolding my child to my bosom, that God had not bereft me of every comfort, and I looked forward with hope to that day when he would be the protector of his mother. I arose the next morning, after a restless night, but where was now my faithful Betty to make the fire, and prepare breakfast, she who had been for upwards of six long years my constant attendant — she who in the bitterness of grief at parting, wished still to remain in my service and accompany me to America— alas, she was not there, and how could I, thought I, who had never been accustomed to handling wood, or making fires, how could I do it ; everything was again brought fresh to my view, and I lamented the day that I ever left England ; after giving vent to my feelings in an agony of tears, I commenced my labors, and with a great deal of diffi- culty completed my fire, and prepared breakfast, after which, my broth- er called to know whether I would like to have George attend school with his cousins. I told him by all means, and requested that he would engage a quarter's schooling for him ; after the children were gone, I in- quired whether any of our old acquaintances were still living ; he said that most of the aged people were dead, and as to the younger part, some were married, others were dead, aud some had moved away ; several, however, of those remaining, called in the course of the day to see me. Among them was the son of my old schoolmaster, likewise a lady, who had been my most intimate companion in childhood's years, who had been mar. ied, and was then the mother of a thriving offspring ; we were truly rejoiced, after so long an absence, at meeting again, and wept with reciprocation upon each other's bosom. Mrs. W. had married a survey- or of land and timber, and thus far had glided on serenely, without any"

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 141

thing intervening to disturb their tranquility, whilst I, on the other hand, had experienced nothing but a continual series of afflictions, excepting the first three or four years of my marriage, which even then, was not unalloyed by sorrow, as my parent's misfortunes were all my own. — Mrs. W., previous to leaving, engaged me to spend the succeeding day with her, which I promised to do, and on the following morning, after intrusting my boy to the care of his uncle, proceeded to her house, where I was received with an affectionate welcome ; on looking around her elegant parlor I observed everything wore the appearance of affluence, and sighed at my own unhappy fate. She asked me if I again thought of returning to England ; never, I replied, unless I could go situated as I have been ; no, I continued, I have a strong idea of going to the Unit- ed States, as there are many relations on my mothers side, and although I being too young to remember any of them, yet they are easily to be found, as I have sufficient documents to prove my pedigree. Oh, she replied, do not think of ever going to New York, you had better remain where you are. I cannot remain here, I replied, to be a witness of my brother's unhappiness ; could I render him any assistance or comfort, that might be an inducement — but I have none to offer, and should I continue here, I have not a solitary prospect of doing anything for my sup- port— O no, if God has ordained that I am to suffer I will go where I shall be unknown and unheeded, He, I trust, will direct me, and my child will be my protector. She deeply regreted that I talked of leaving S. T., and siid all she could to dissuade me from it, but I had already de- termined, and all she could say availed nothing. We passed the re- mainder of the day in talking over the scenes of our early youth, of our joys aud sorrows, and the different changes which had taken place in the space of eighteen years, during which she had had six children, and was then a lovely looking woman about the age of thirty six ; but it now being near night we parted with a promise that in a tew days she would return my visit.

I found my dear little boy on. my return, playing at the door, and anxiously looking for his mother. After dinner on the following day I walked out to see what alterations there were since we had left the place-;, but 0 how different was the appearence, as scarce a vestige re- mained of what it formerly was ; whole streets of elegant houses had arisen in the place of a few old scattered buildings. I looked for the house which we had last occupied, but that also had disappeared, and but one neighbor of our former acquaintance remained. I viewed the. beloved spot with feelings of anguish, which reminded me of all the en- •13

1'42' THE widow's offering.

dearing scenes of my childhood, and the beloved friends from whom I was separated forever — likewise the cherished youth of my heart, who on that spot had plighted his early vows of constancy, which he had faithfully kept, although I was the wife of another ; and when upon the eve of being rewarded for his constancy, was separated forever by an untimely death. With eyes suffused in tears, and a heart torn by con- flicting emotions, I walked slowly away, and returned to my solitary home. The lady in whose house I resided, would frequently come in and pass an hour in conversation ; she knew the story of our early affec- tion, and likewise of the invitation for me to come out, and appeared sincerely to compassionate my situation, and participate in my sorrows,. particularly, when I informed her of the trials I had passed through with my husband, as her own was also a sea captain, which made her feel more sensibly for me ; she regreted much that I talked of leaving her, but said if it was my intention to go to New York she would give me a letter of introduction to her sister, whose husband was likewise a cap- tain. My brother and the children came frequently to see me, but not his wife, who I had no inclination to see, and consequently troubled her but seldom. But to be brief — I continued at N. S. till the latter end of November, and being informed that I should have to pay a heavy duty upon everything that I carried, I disposed of nearly all those goods which I had taken so much pains to bring with me from Englaud, after which I eagaged a passage for myself and son, and at the commence- ment of winter embarked for New York.

Our passage was rough and dangerous, being attended with several tremendous gales and snow storms ; and one night in particular, it ap- peared as though the vessel would upset. There was likewise another lady passenger and infant on board ; she as likewise myself was dread- fully alarmed at the uproar upon deck. The terrific gale and motion of the vessel was awful beyond description, which continued for the space of three quarters of an hour, when all at once the wind subsided and she trembled as though she was going down ; and shortly after we heard them lower the anchor. The Captain immediately after came below, and told us that we had been in the utmost danger of meeting a watery grave — as, had the Avind have continued five minutes longer iu that position, we should have been driven upon the rocks and clashed to pieces ; but that we were now. safely moored near a harbor where we should remain that night. I lifted up my heart in thankfulness to, God for his merciful preservation, and returned to my state-room, where I, had been attending upon my child during the gale, (who was extremely

THE widow's offering. 143

sick) and to prevent his falling out of bed, from the violent motion of the vessel. The following morning being clear, (but excessively cold,) we again got under way, and proceeded with a favorable wind till the third day, when another snow-storm commenced, and we were again obliged to make for the first harbor, where we remained till the storm was over. In the mean time, (although the sea was extremely rough,) we accompanied the Captain on shore, where we passed the afternoon and part of the evening, and returned on board quite recruited.

On the following morning, by break of day, we again proceeded on our voyage, and after having encountered high winds, heavy seas, and freezing weather, we arrived on Christmas Eve, at New York, my native city. I however, being unacquainted with any of the streets remained on board till the ensuing morning, when, after breakfast, Captain R. accompanied me to the house of Mrs. N. to whom I deliv- ered her sister's letter. I found that she was residing with her mother, who had recently lost her husband, and was left with a family of four daughters and a son, but in very good circumstances. After having read the letter, she invited me to remain at their house, until I had re- covered from the fatigue of the voyage, and had found some of my relatives. I thankfully accepted the invitation, and requested that they would take us as boarders during the time we were there. They how- ever would not listen to anything of the kind, but said that I was wel- come to any service which they could render me, until I could do better. Captain R. having called to know where my luggage should be sent — I requested him to have it conveyed to the house, which he accordingly did. I felt truly grateful to God, that he had raised me up friends, (in an hour of affliction) among strangers. It now being in the Christmas holidays, they had a great deal of Company, (which was a customary thing at that season). Among their visitors was an English lady, with whom I in a short time became intimately acquainted, and on leaving, gave me an invitation to make her a visit, as also did many others.

Mrs. N. informed me that the English lady was a Mrs. M., who, with her sister, kept a fancy store in C. M. street. I then inquired of Mrs. N, if she knew a lady by the name of Bunce, who was formerly an intimate acquaintance of my mother. She said that there was an elderly lady of that name residing in the next street. I was greatly rejoiced at the information, and flattered myself, that it might be the same person. I accordingly on the following day obtained the number and walked with my little son to her house. I inquired for Mrs. B., when a lady who appeared about the age of fifty came to the door,

144 THE WIDOW'S OFFEMNG.

and invited me in. After being seated. I inquired of her whether she had ever been acquainted with a Mrs. Freeman. 0 yes, she replied, intimately — Elizabeth was a very dear friend of mine — why, she con- tinued, can you give me any information respecting her. Yes madam, I replied, I can give you every information, as I am the daughter of that lady, and have but recently arrived from England. She arose from her seat, and taking my hand, looked steadfastly into my face — sure enough, she exclaimed, this is our dear Elizabeth — why child, you are the very picture of your mother ; the same rosy cheeks, and the same complexion. I thought that you resembled some one I had seen before, but could not recollect who it was. She then inquired all the particulars of our family, and whether my father had left any property. I told her that he had not, exce])ting a small pittance, sufficient for the support of my mother, as he had speculated it all away in vessels, when he was too old to transact business any longer ; and in short, that the shipping business had been in various shapes, either death or destruc- tion to the whole of our family. On stating the particulars, she deeply sympathized in our united afflictions, and informed mo that there was another relative of ours living in the next street to her, whose mother and my grandmother were sisters. I inquired whether she was mar- ried. She replied that she had been married for several years, and was the mother of three children, and that her husband, Mr. Insal, was a wholesale merchant. I then requested her to furnish me with the num- ber, and immediately proceeded to my cousin's, and on inquiring for Mrs. I., was conducted into the pai'lor by a black seiwant, where she, with her two little daughters were sitting at work. She arose and requested me to be seated — and after introducing myself, she invited me to continue with her the remainder of the day, at the same time assisted to divest me of my bonnet and jDelisse. She observed, there was so striking a likeness between my mother and me, that she could almost fancy it was her, as when she had last seen her she was about my age, and added that she felt happy in once more beholding a branch of the family, as it was a satisfaction she had never expected again. I then gave her a detail of the principal occurrences of our imfortunate family, and the reason of my visiting again my native land She ap- peared deeply to commiserate my situation, and said all she could to comfort and encourage me. She informed me that a cousin of ours, one of Colonel J. P.'s daughters, who had married a great nabob in India, had been out with her husband, and a retinue of servants, to visit her native country, and that on their route they had left two of

the widow's offering. 145

their sons in England for their education. She also informed me that our cousin Captain J. P. had likewise come on a similar errand, but shortly after his arrival was attacked with a malignant fever, which terminated his existence ; and that his Consort Lady Ann, on hearing the news, had secluded herself from all society excepting one female attendant, and died a recluse. Mr Insal now coming in with his little son (about the age of my own) put an end to our conversation.

He was a fine, handsome looking man of middle age — on being intro- duced, he took my hand and welcomed me there — inquired about Eng- land, our family, and my passage to America, and finally told me to make their house my home as long as I thought proper ; in short, they both appeared kind and benevolent people, and I felt thankful to God that he had conducted me so soon after my arrival among my own kindred. Our two little boys, who had become intimately acquainted, were so vociferous, as to excite the attention of Mr. I., who called George to him, and was delighted with the correctness of his answers to the many questions he put to him. After taking tea, it then being near night, I prepared to return to Mrs. NVs, previous to which they exacted a promise that I would spend the ensuing day with them • Mrs. K was highly gratified to hear that I had found some of my rela- tives, but at the same time did not wish me to hurry away from them ; and moreover, said if I wished to remain, that there was a vacant room at my service.

On the following morning I repaired again to Mrs. Insals with my young son, who was met by his cousin with joyful acclamation, and after a short time became so clamorous that thev were obliged to be sent into the kitchen — the two young ladies were at school, and as Mrs. I. was engaged in attending to her domestic concerns, I requested her to oblige me with a pen, ink and paper, and after having obtained it, sat down and wrote to my mother, which Mr. I. deposited in the post office. Mrs. I. informed me of some other relatives living at White Plains, who was sister to her mother and my grandmother, likewise those of my grandfather upon Long Island, whom she advised me to visit, as soon as the weather became warmer ; and that the Judge, (his brother) had lately died immensely rieh, and left his property to a nephew of his wife, (excepting a few legacies among our relations) who was an indignant boy, that he had taken into his family through charity, but that the will was considered illegal, which had been made through his instigations, in the dying moment of my uncle, who was insensible at the time, and could utter nothing to his questions but a groan, which

146 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

had created great murmurings and discontent among our relations, with threatnin^s to have the will annulled, and made void

I shall now pass over the winter months, which I chiefly spent at my cousins ; and in April visited my Aunt V. at W. P., in company with my little boy, who resided in the house with her son Colonel Vernon. After making myself known, I was welcomed by all with hospitality and kindness, when an inquiry (of eom*se) respecting our family suc- ceeded. My Aunt appeared extremely gratified to see me, as she never expected to behold any belonging to my mother again. She said there was no occasion to evince any other proof of my being a connec- tion than my countenence, as there was such a family resemblance, that there could be no mistake whatever. She then gave me the particu- lars of my grandmother's death and conducted me to the bed where she breathed her last. The Colonel also appeared to be a very fine man — was the father of three sons, the youngest of whom was about eight years old, the age of my own, who were inseperable during the time we were there, and enjoyed themselves to their heart's conteut. We continued there a week, and after having an invitation to come and make it my home as long as I thought proper, I returned to New York and again joined the family of Mrs. Insal, On the ensuing week I set out for Long Island, leaving my son with his cousin ; but it being late before the stage left Brooklyn, we did not arrive at the destined place till the hour of ten at night. I requested the driver to take me to Mrs. C.'s, who was the daughter of one of my uncles, and a much beloved cousin of my mother. On making myself known to her, she embraced me affectionately — inquired when I left "England, and wheth- er my mother had accompanied me. I told her she had not, which I deeply regretted after hearing of the clandestine proceedings respect- ing the Judge's property, as she being the eldest daughter of his brother might be of material consequence at the present juncture. She replied that it was a mortifying circumstance to know of the underhanded business and not have it in her power to help herself, as her husband was dead, and she had no one who would interest themselves in the cause, although it could be proved (by the doctor and lawyer) that her uncle was senseless during the time of making the will, as they, with the fellow, who had purloined the property through, his artful inveigl- ings were closeted with him till after the business was completed, and no relative permitted to enter ; but that he was now in continual terror and fear of having it wrested from him, She added that he was a married man and had several children, who were all residing in the

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 147

Judge's house, a new and handsome building, which had been erected but a short time previous to his death, and that her uncle had left two daughters who had also been wronged out of considerable of their prop- erty, but, she continued, I will go with you in the morning to see them; and it now being very late, (after taking some refreshments) we retired to bed.

On the following morning, as soon as it was convenient, we proceeded to my Aunt's, to whom, with the family I was introduced by my cousin, and likewise to the usurper, who immediately after entered the house, and gazing at me with a scrutinizing stare, gave a familiar nod and left the room. My Aunt and her daughter gave me a more flattering reception; but not so affectionate as the other connections, as there was a coolness, (which after the late proceedings I was prepared for.) I however continued with them till the expiration of a week, and then making a short visit at my cousin C.'s returned to New York, where I was met by my dear little son with demonstrations of joy, who, I was informed had attended school with his cousin, and had been a very good boy. I then gave Mrs. I. a detail of all the information I had collected. She informed me that a first cousin of mine had called in my absence, who was son to the eldest sister of my mother, and that he was dread- fully enraged at the villainous proceedings, and proposed that if any of connections would join him he would have the will annulled, as it was not in his power at that time to engage in a law-suit single, his having but recently established himself in business, which required all the resources he could collect ; but as none appeared to have suffi dent res- olution to meet his proposals, so it remained.

It now being nearly five months since my arrival at New York, I began to feel myself an incumbrance to my relatives, and was desirous of doing something for my support, as my finances were exhausting, and I was aware that my destitute situation required my exertions for that purpose. In short, my independent spirit would not suffer me any lon- ger to be a burden upon my friends. I therefore inquired of Mrs. I. if she thought it possible that I could obtain any needle work. She replied that she had no doubt of it, as there was always plenty to be had. She asked me if I had ever called upon the English lady who had given me an invitation to come. I told her that I had not. Well she replied, I would advise you to go, as they are in public way of business. I have no doubt but that they will assist you in your enterprise. I accordingly started with a heavy heart, it being the first attempt of the kind I had ever made ; but with a determination (if possible) to overcome

148 THE WIDOWS OFFERING.

nil mortifications. I called on my way at Mrs. N s, and requested

her sister to accompany me, which she cheerfully assented to, and we walked together to Mrs Mansels, which I found to be an elegant fancy store, handsomely decorated with everything to fascinate the eye ; the ladies were happy to see us, and invited us into the parlor where there were three or four young ladies at work upon different articles for the store. Mrs. Burnham (the lady who accompanied me) on seeing Miss

M 1 going into the store, followed, and shortly after beckoned me to

join them ; she then inquired if I was desirous of having employment I answered in the affirmative. Well mama, she replied, I think I can accomodate you, and putting up some articles to be made, handed them to me, and again invited us into the parlor, which we declined, being anxious to return home ; in short, I felt so humbled and degraded, at being under the necessity of soliciting employment, that I rejoiced to escape from the gaze of every beholder, and would gladly, if it had been possible, have secluded myself in some sequestered spot, never again to mingle in society ; I was too independent to continue under ob- ligations to my friends, but at the same time thought it a degradation to work for a support, such were the struggles at that time of this proud rebellious heart, which I strenously endeavored to conquer, but found it impossible, as I could not so easily forget the station I had been ac- customed to move through life ; I however, after long perseverance, became more reconciled, and prayed fervently to God that he would give me fortitude to encounter and overcome all the trials he should think fit to lay- upon me. I had some time previous, hired several apartments, and was again at housekeeping, and having sent my boy to school, my hours were spent in retirement and close application to my work ; likewise, in ruminating upon the sorrows of my life. I contin- ually reflected upon myself for the precipitate step I bad taken, in re- turning again to my native land upon an uncertainty, as by so doing I had cast myself upon an unfriendly world without guide or protector, and ruined my prospects in life forever. The kind attention of Miss Mansel afforded me much consolation ; she would often insist on my spendiug the day with her, at which times she would take great pleas- ure in conversing of her native country, and with sorrow would relate the trials they had undergone since their arrival in America. She in- formed me that shortly after that period, her parents had died, and left four children besides herself, orphans, in a strange country without a re- lation, excepting their own family ; that they had established the busi- ness (previous to their death) which they now followed, and depended

the widow's offering. 149

upon for a support — that they had encountered many severe struggles and losses, with which, the Lord had carried them safely through, and likewise, that I must not despair, nor distrust the mercy and goodness of God. as she had no doubt but it was all for the best, and that he was able to raise me again from the depths of affliction to happiness. After similar conversations, (of which we had many) I always felt com- forted, and more reconciled to my situation, in short, she was a lovely young woman, and had it not been for her friendly and comforting ad- vice, I know not but I should have been tempted to commit suicide.

In the month of August I received a letter from my dear mother and sister, which was a cordial to my lacerated heart, and contributed to assuage the bitterness of those feelings, which I was unable to overcome. I felt great consolation in answering their letters, to know that I had sympathizing friends, (although at a distance) into whose bosom I could pour my afflictions. I frequently sought in my bible, and found that comfort which the world cannot afford, and often with my son, at- tended an evening meeting of the methodist denomination, which was near to my dwelling, and always returned comforted. My child also, in that place of worship, first evinced the dawnings of that piety which I had endeavored to impress upon his iufant mind,, by teaching him his prayers, reading pathetic little books of good children, and in- structing him (according to his understanding) in the principles of reli- gion, accompanied with my prayers, that God would watch over him, that He would be his father, his guide and protector through life ; and O, how graciously did He answer those prayers, as in less than a year from that time, he united and became a member of the church.

I shall now pass over the second year of our residence at New York, during which I had constant employment, and became acquainted with

several other families — Capt. W •&, of a Liverpool packet, Captain

Broomes, who had retired from business and living upon their property, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, in the dry goods business, and several others whom I visited, and was received with as much friendship and polite- ness, as though I had been living in my former affluence. At Miss Mansels I was introduced to a merchant (an antiquated bachelor) with whom they traded, and who stood high in her estimatiou, but not in mine, as I considered him a disagreeable man — both in manners and ap- pearance ; he however essayed to pay me the most marked attention, which I immediately strove to discourage, by treating him with the ut- most contempt ; he however continued to annoy me with his hateful ad- vances until I finally told him never to enter my doors again, which he 14

150 THE "widow's offering.

punctually obeyed. I "was shortly after, introduced to a gentleman who was an acquaintance of Mr. Sanders, and had recently arrived from the South, where he had a large establishment of business. Mr. Wilson (■which name he bore) was a fine looking man, about the middle age, and who was also a bachelor, who in a short time made professions of love ; I however gave him but little eucouragement, as a gentleman by the name of Hall, who was a widower living in our neighborhood, had previously made an offer of marriage, to which I had given him no de- cisive answer. Mr. H. was an artist by profession, and a man who bore an irreproachable character, his business was also lucrative, but he had a family of four children, which I told him would be too great a re- sponsibility for me to undertake, neither did I wish to become a step mother, as it was an unthankful office ; and I was aware that although I might give satisfaction to him, and to all his connections, yet I could not to the world. He replied that I had no occasion to heed the sland- ers of a censorious world, as if I gave satisfaction to him, that was suffi- cient ; and likewise in case of any accident happening to him, that the children and me should be provided for. I however gave him no decid- ed answer until I had consulted my friends, who advised me by all means to accept the offer of Mr. H., in preference to Mr. "Wilson, as the former was an older inhabitant, and known to be a highly respectable man, while the other was a stranger, "who but few were acquainted with, and who likewise informed me that wherever he married it was his intention to reside at the South, the idea of which, was my utter aversion ; on the other hand, I was informed that Mr. H. enjoyed but indifferent health, and was often complaining ; in short my mind was so harrassed with contending ideas that I knew not which to accept. — I had no particular regard for either, as my affections were all buried in the grave ; but Mr. H. became so pressing for an answer, that after much deliberation and heart misgivings, I finally consented, and became his wife. I was now, once more, under the protection of a kind and aff- ectionate husband, but soon found that the responsibility I had engaged in, was almost heavier than I could bear. I was then the mother of five children, — one of my own, and four of my husband's — the youngest of which, of a year old, was immediately brought home from the nurse, (where it had been from the time of its mother's death) in a most de- plorable condition, with sores and biles from the crown of its head to the 6oles of its feet — in short.it was in the last stage of a consumption, which she had imbibed from her mother, who had died with that disease. — My heart bled for the poor child's sufferings, particularly, while dress-

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 151

ing her wounds, (which I usually did each morning) as she would scream incessantly while under the operation, and in short, during the day also. Neither would she go to any one but me, which was such a confinement that I was unable to attend to my domestic concerns, and the servant girl being discouraged, left her place ; the whole burden of the family then fell upon me, which with the constant attendance upon the sick child — watching and fatigue, I was almost thrown upon a sick bed. — Mr. H. however, after a short time, procured other help, and I was again partially relieved ; the poor little sufferer continued in her misery for the space of six months, when the Lord in mercy to us all took her to himself.

There were now two daughters and a son of my husband's. The age of Frederick was six years, of Ann four, and Adela two. Frederick was an affectionate, interesting child, and loved me I believe as well as if I had been his own mother, and I in return felt but little difference between him and my own. Ann was altogether the reverse of her brother, being sly and artful, and was never better pleased than when she could find anything against him or her sister to bring them into disgrace. She would frequently entice her little sister to commit some wrong act, and then come and inform me that she had done it. At other times when returning from school, she would beat her severely, and threaten if she told of it that she would whip her again. I fre- quently observed the traces of tears upon her cheeks, and would inquire if she had been naughty or punished at school ; but she would look at me with her eyes full of tears, and answer no mam. I knew not what to make of her unhappiness, and concluded that she was of an uneasy, fretful disposition ; she however, upon being strictly questioned, ac- knowleged that her sister whipped her. Their school misstress like- wise informed me that Ann was continually bringing tales against her sister, which kept her in a constant fret ; her father obserbed with re- gret, her growing propensity to tale hearing and mischief making, and said that he should have to be extremely rigid with her, until he had broken her of so hateful a failing — but alas, poor man, he little imagin- ed how difficult would be the task to erase that whieh was so deeply engraved in her nature. Frederick and George were inseperable, as they were always together at their pastimes, or school, and appeared more like two own — than half brothers. They would sometimes, how- ever, get into mischief, and upon such occasions my own son generally received the punishment of both, which he keenly felt, knowing that the other deserved it as much as him, and would say : — ah mama, you care

152 THE "widow's offering.

nothing about me, now you have got your darling Frederick and tho rest of them. Yes, my dear, I would answer, I think as much of you now as I ever did, but you know that you are the oldest and ought to set an example for the rest. Poor boy, little did he know the feelings of his mother's heart — who upon such occasions, was obliged to turn from him to conceal her tears — neither did he know the reason why I had not punished his step-brother as well as himself, for had I have done so, the world would immediately have condemned me, although I had liberty from their father to correct them whenever they deserved it. — That business, however, I left altogether to himself, as I would have nothing to do with the correction o.c his children.

Mr. H. was an indulgent father, but if they committed a fault worthy of correction he punished them severely. I felt that the burden of his family was almost heavier than my constitution could bear, never hav- ing been accustomed to such slavery as I was then subjected to. In short I was taken down with a dangerous fit of sickness, which nearly termi- nated my life, and confined me to my room for a length of time ; but the Lord in mercy, thought fit again to raise me, as he had still greater afflic- tions in store for me. My health continued for several months in a pre- carious and debilitated state, insomuch that I was scarcely able to at- tend to the domestic concerns of my family. My husband also, was constantly complaining of indisposition, proceeding from a malady which he had been afflicted with for many years, which had brought him sev- eral times to the verge of the grave. His business was also very se- dentary, which confined him to a room, destitute of air or exercise. — He would sometimes come down from his business so exhausted that he could scarcely stand, and complain of his right side and limbs being so benumbed that he had no feeling whatever. He frequently talked of removing to the country, flattering himself that the water and air would be conducive to his health, but my idea was altogether different, as I knew that the gravel (which was his complaint) was seldom or ever cured. My mind was in a continual state of anxiety and apprehension of his danger, as, if any thing should happeu to him, I should be thrown destitute upon an unpitying world, with a family of children, not my own.

Mr. H. was a highly respectable man, both in his private and public character, he was also the son of a lawyer, and the nephew of Judge

C n, but he possessed no other property than what arose from his

own enterprisings, which afforded sufficient to maintain his family in af- fluence, but no more. His business was lucrative, and had he have en»

the widow's offering. 153

joyed good health, he might in a few years have accumulated a fortune he was likewise a great genius, and invented several thing, which, if they had been put in operation would have produced an independency, but for the want of capital, it could not be done. He possessed many amiable qualities, such as being a tender father, and affectionate hus- band ; he was also compassionate, hospitable, and charitable, to a de- gree, insomuch that he would share his last shilling for the relief of a suffering fellow creature, but although he possessed all these exempla- ry virtues, yet he was deficient in the one thing needful, as he was neither a professor nor a possessor of religion ; his whole heart appear- ed fixed upon the things of the world, and I never could prevail upon him to accompany me on the sabbath, to a place of worship ; he would tell me that the children and me could go, but he would rather remain at home, as he had either his books or accounts to arrange, which would be of more benefit than going to church. With the deepest regret I heard him express such sentiments, which caused me many an unhap- py hour, and had I known his principles of religion, previous to our marriage, I should never have become his wife. His health continued to be so precarious, that at the expiration of two years we removed to the country, near the sea coast, a short distance from the village of T* We occupied a house commodious for our family, with an acre of land producing a variety of delicious fruit, also a beautiful garden, abound- ing with fruit, flowers and vegetables, and a green sloping lawn, which led from the house, nearly to the beach, where there was a beautiful spring of excellent water. The birds carroled sweetly in the morning, and would approach at the call of my chickens, in short, the place ap- peared to me like an earthly paradise, to which, I became so attached, that my husband after having been there upwards of a year agreed to purchase it. Nothing was theu wanting to complete my happiness,, but the restoration of his health, and a change of principles, but 0, how vain and futile are the imaginations of us poor mortals, and how often do we appoint when God thinks fit to disappoint. After the commence- ment of the second year, his health appeared to be materially im Droved, which lessoned, in a great measure, my anxiety, although he still fre- quently complained ; he had more business than he was able to attend to, having orders from all quai'ters.

Our days however, glided on serenly ; he- endeavoring by every en- deai^ing attention, to evince his- affection ; if'he observed me walking in the garden or orchard he would) immediately join me, and cull the choic- est fruit to present me with ; at other times he would watch the ripen- •14

154 the widow's offering.

ing peach, and bring it to me as soon as it was fit to pick ; or if lie s;i\v walking when the wind blew chilly, destitute of an outward covering, he would bring a shawl and throw it over my shoulders. All those af- fectionate attentions, with many similar ones, rendered him doubly dear to my heart. We kept considerable company, and visited the first fami- lies in the vicinity, and as he was passionately fond of company he al- ways attended me in all my engagements, and was never better pleased than when there was a party at home. It now being in the month of July, he began to make improvements upon the place, which it was bis intention to purchase, the ensuing year. He had also agreed with a lawyer to have the will of my late uncle annulled, for which purpose my mother was to be sent for, as her presence was necessary for the occasion ; and I looked forward with joyful expectation to .that happy hour when we should again be united. The boys continued to enjoy themselves, either with their boat (which their father had furnished them with, for their amusement) or their dog and gun, and in the mor- ning at sun-rise would find them skipping over the hills in pursuit of game.

Ann continued her evil propensity of tale-bearing, against her own brother and sister, but not her step brother, as she always agreed with him; I was well aware that I should have great difficulty in bringing her up, which, however, caused me but little uneasiness, knowing that her father was there to manage her. But ah, little did I think that the eloud was gathering which was so soon to burst over his devoted head. It was now about the middle of August, when Kitty, the servant girl .complained of being too ill to work, on which, I made her some herb tea and desired her to go to bed. On the following morning she ap- peared much better, and it being the sabbath, I prepared and attended church, previously giviog directions to have the dinner ready against my return, at which time, on entering the kitchen, I observed my hus - band basting the meat; he informed me that the girl was so sick, she was obliged to go to bed. He accordingly, after dinner, went for the doctor, who informed us that her malady was the intermittent fever. — . On the following day, my husband endeavored to procure help, but did not succeed; consequently, the whole burden of the family fell upon me, inclusive of a sick person to attend upon. In a few succeeding days my own son was taken with a violent shivering, which was succeeded by a raging fever, and terminated in a perspiration, in short, it was the same disorder as the girl's, and in a few days after the two little girls were taken with the same disorder, and not being able to obtain any

the widow's offering. 155

help, (as it was apprehended the fever was malignant) I was so worn out with fatigue, that I was scareely able to attend upou the family. — Some were burning with the fever and calling incessantly for drink, others shaking to death with the ague, and calling for clothes to cover them, while Ann was so debilitated that (although she was eight years old) I was obliged to carry her in my arms like a babe.

It now being a fortnight, since the commencement of our sickness, without any appearance of amendment, my husband having some busi- ness of importance to transact at New York, left home at au early hour for that purpose ; the day was extremely sultry, and the heat so intense that several people dropped dead in the streets of ike oity. He did not return till the evening, but 0, who can paint my terror and dismay on beholding him in a raging fevei1, and so ill that he retired immedi- ately to bed. On the d?cior's arriving the following morning, he in formed me that his disorder was the billious fever, which proceeded from having exposed himself during the day to the broiling heat of the sun. Despair now took possession of my bosom with apprehensions of the worst; I wept incessantly, and in silent ejaculations, implored God to restore my afflicted family, as there were five laying upou a sick bed, and I knew not which would be taken first. There was none now but Frederick and myself to attend upon the rest, and he was kept contin- ually running of errands. My husband would not allow me scarce a moment from his side, although I was obliged to be in all parts of the house. I was so worn out with watching and fatigue, that I was scarcely able to get up and down stairs, and was in hourly apprehension that I should be laid upon a sick bed, as it was upwards of a week that I had neither undressed myself, or obtaiued an hour's rest. The doctor flat- tered me that my husband would recover, until the eighth day, when he gave me no longer any hopes. I requested him, if possible, to hire a couple of watchers, as I was so ill that I was unable to watch another night, which he accordingly did, and I once more (without undressing), laid my aching head upon the pillow, but not to sleep, as the groans of my poor husband were so distressing tliat I could not close my eyes ; I arose several times during the night and went to him, but could lender him no assistance; my head pained me to such a degree, with incessant weepiug, that it seemed as though it was bursting asunder, I however, finally remained with him altogether till six o'clock in the morning, when he was taken speechless, at which time the watchers left. An old man who was shipkeeper of a vessel, which had been driven ashore, Bow came in, who I requested to remain in the room ; I then told my

1 56 the widow's offering

eon to rise, if he was able, aud go into his step-father's room, and like- wise Frederick, as I believed that his father was dying ; the dear little fellow clung around me and wept aloud. O dear, mamma, he cried, what shall we do if papa dies. I do not know my dear boy, I replied what will become of us, but God I trust will protect us. I then led him to his poor dying father, who fixed his eyes alternately upon him, upon me and my own poor boy, (who looked the semblance of death) he appeared perfectly sensible, and strove hard to speak, but could ut- ter no sound, and on seeing us in tears seemed very much agitated. — In the mean time, the doctor came in, who informed me ha could do no more for him, as all was nearly over.

After Ms departure I repaired to the sick room of the children, where in the bitterness of grief I gave vent to my feelings, and after adminis- tering to their wants, returned to the dying bed of my husband, who was then in- the last struggles of expiring nature, and in a few moments breathed his* last. The scene which followed I am incapable of describ- ing. Suffice it to say, that in a state of distraction and agony of gi'ief I left the room ; previous to which I requested the ship-keeper to repair immediately to New York and inform his father and nephew of the melancholy event. I looked around me in all the horrors of despair — my husband a corpse, and his family at the point of death — --and even should they recover, what was to become of me, now a destitute widow with a family of oi phans, and it appeared as if God was pursuing me with his vengeance through life. I took Ann in my arms and carried her to see the remains of her father, and likewise her sister ; but neither of them appeared to feel the loss of their parent. Several neighbors came in to render what assistance was required, and' likewise some ladies with proffers of kindness. My father-in-law and nephew also arrived from New York. The gentlemen suggested that it was highly necessary that the remains of my husband should be interred that day, as they were fearful the fever was malignant, it having changed to the color of saffron, which was made known to the doctor, who left orders to have it done as soon as possible, but being too ill to attend to it my- self, I left them to conduct it according to their own judgment, and likewise the ladies who were preparing the shroud, and other articles for the solemn occasion, and retired to my room, where I endeavored to repose my bursting head upon the pillow. Kitty the servant girl, on hearing of my illness, crawled out of her bed. and with the assistance of a crutch reached the room where I lay. The poor girl sat down by the bed, and talcing my hand bathed it with tears. 0 mama* she said,

the widow's offering. 157

your flesh is burning like fire. I hope you have not taken the fever ; what shall we do if you are sick ? God I trust will take care of us Kitty. The poor girl wept bitterly, and bending upon her crutch, left the room to take a last view of her departed master.

The funeral took place at five o'clock in the afternoon, but being too sick to rise I saw not the procession. My father-in-law remained with us that night, who prepared the drinks and medicines, (with my instruc- tions, which he also administered). About midnight I was taken with a violent shivering, insomuch that the bed shook under me, and my teeth chattered in my head. I called for more covering, but there was no one near excepting two of the sick children. I felt as if the cold chills of death were upon me, and imagined that I should shortly follow my husband. The paroxysm continued for half an hour, when it abated and a raging fever succeeded, which continued till morning ; a prespi- ration then took place, which continued a couple of hours, and left me in such a weak debilitated state, that I could scarcely raise myself in bed ; in the mean time, a lady called in who iuformed me that there was a medicine in New York which would cure the disorder, but it was very expensive. I told her I cared not for the expense, if it only restored my family to health. Another coming in, told me that I must have a pillow of hops for my head, which was still raging with the utmost violence, which, after they were gone, I had prepared and ap- plied. The doctor coming in shortly after, seemed surprised at seeing me in bed, and being informed of the nature of my sickness, said that I must take an emetic. But I positively refused to take one. He asked me for what reason I would not \ My family, sir, I replied, have all taken an emetic, and have been under your attendance nearly a month without having derived any benefit. I have also lost a valuable husband under your treatment, and consequently shall dispense with your future attendance ; he accordingly, after my requesting him to make out his bill, bowed and left the room.

After his departure, my father-in-law wrote the name of the medi- cine recommended by the lady, and immediately proceeded to New York for the same, which he obtained and returned again in the after- noon. I immediately took a dose according to the directions, and ad- ministered some to the rest, which was to be repeated three times a day. I rested better that night, having but a slight chill and trifling fever ; my head was also greatly relieved. In short, on the following day I was able to sit up, and continued to grow better until in a few days I was enabled to attend to my family ; the children likewise, whose

*/

158 the "widow's offering.

fever had continued for the last week without any intermission, now

began to perspire, attended with a desire for food. In short, in a week

after taking the Sulphate of Quinine, they were carried down stairs,

and continued to grow better until they recovered their strength My

eon however, myself, and Kitty, had frequent returns of the disorder,

which, on taking a portion of the aforesaid medicine was immediately

quelled. I felt grateful to God, that amidst all liis chasteuings, my

family was in a fair way of recovering, notwithstanding my heart waa

a prey to the most poignant distress. I looked around me in vain for

comfort but could not discover a solitary ray before me, for God had

again deprived me of a husband and protector, and with him all my

earthly prospects of happiness — a stranger and an exile in my native

land. I had no one to apply to for succor — hard labor I had never

been accustomed to, and what was to become of me, with a family of

children to support ? Where was now my dear mother and sister, to

render me the consolation I so much needed? Alas, the Atlantic

Ocean divided us, never again to be re-united in this world of sorrow.

Never more was I to hear that soothing parental voice, which had so

often proved the balm of consolation into the bosom of her afflicted

daughter ; but 0 beloved mother, we shall again meet I trust, in those

mansions of bliss, which our Jesus has gone to prepare for all those who

love him. The place which had so recently appeared to me an earthly

paradise afforded now no other prospect than a dreary wilderness ; all,

all, reminded me of the affectionate partner I had lost. The piazza

which was our usual evening promenade, and where but a few evenings

previous to his sickness, he sat with his head reclining- upon my shouU

der, was also deserted by him, who was now a solitary inhabitant of

the dead. I would frequently, after all had retired to rest, retrace the

steps we had so often trod together, till midnight, and in the bitterness

of despair call upon God to be my protector. The Rev. Mr. M ,

who was pastor of the village chui'ch, frequently called and made a prayer, which, with his Godly instruction afforded me great consola- tion.

My father-in-law now reminded me that it was necessary for me to administer as soon as possible, in order to know, after the debts were paid what would be remaining. I accordingly on the ensuing week, repaired to New York, and thence to the surrogate's office, where I received letters of administration. A gentleman in New York, who was in a similar business to that of my husband came down — took an inventory of his business utensils, and purchased them, for which he

tiie widow's offering. 159

paid five hundred and ninety dollars. There was also an inventory taken of the household furniture, which was valued at two hundred and ninety-six dollars and sixty-one cents, from which was deducted two hundred and twenty-five dollars for debts, including medical attendance and funeral expenses, which reduced the sum to six hundred and sixty- one dollars and sixty-one cents ; one third of which, according to law» was mine, the other two to be divided among the three children, which division was about one hundred and forty dollars each. The reason of my stating the particulars concerning the trifling property left by my husband, is in consequence of his daughter Ann having reported that her father left five thousand dollars, which is a base and flagrant false- hood, and which I can prove to be such, by testimonials I have in my possession, as likewise by the amount being recorded at the Surrogate's office. This small sum Was scarcely sufficient to board, school, and clothe them a year and a half, which, however, with the utmost econo- my I made answer the demands. But to return. My father-in-law after having rendered me all the assistance he could, with bis advice, and regulating the business, was taken dangerously ill, and at the expi- ration of a month from the date of his son's death was also consigned to the grave ; this was a heavy and unexpected blow to my accumulated afflictions ; as in that melancholy event, I was bereft of my only counsellor. There was now no other relative in New York, but a nephew of my deceased husband, who, being so engaged with his business and 6tudies, that he had no time to devote to his uncle's family, consequently the whole burden devolved upon me. I knew not what to do for the best, but was well aware, that it would not answer for me to remain in the country, as I could do nothing there for a support. My family, however, still in a state of convalesence, and too feeble to be removed, . and as Autumn was approaching, I concluded to remain where I was through the winter, but at the same time with a determination to make immediate retrenchments in the family, which in so doing deprived us of many of the superfluities we had been accustomed to. I likewise, as soon as the hired girl was sufficiently recovered, obtained her a place and discharged her. My own poor boy, (although he still had frequent returns of the disorder,) I sent to a cousin of mine upon trial, to learn the cabinet business ; he however, at the expiration of three weeks returned, having had a relapse of his sickness, which prevented him from scarce making any attempt at the business, but on again resorting to the quinine, he soon became better.

On the ensuing spring I removed to New York, and commenced

1G0 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

keeping boarders, which I found to be a very disagreeable, laborious calling, insomuch that it was more than my constitution would bear, as I was frequently indisposed, and scarcely able to attend to the concerns. My son who was about the age of fourteen, I apprenticed to the turn- ing business, to a very fine man, who was formerly a neighbor of ours, but after being there a few weeks, he began to evince uneasi- ness; in short, his mind was firmly bent upon going to sea, which neither all my admonitions or persuasions could alter. Mr. F. his employer, informed me that he was a faithful, industrious and obedient lad, and he had not a complaint against him, but was apprehensive that he did not feel satisfied with his situation, as his mind appeared to be fixed upon some other object. I told him that I well knew what his object was, which I deeply deplored, as I wished him to learn a trade instead of following the sea ; but he replied, if that was the case, I had better allow him to follow his inclinations, as he would never have patience to finish his apprenticeship. He accordingly, after remaining a few weeks longer, and Mr. F. had given up his indentures, returned home with the intention of going to sea the first opportunity. A young man however, who worked at the machinery business persuaded him to go upon trial and see how he would like that. I also implored him by all the ties of parental affection to give up the idea of going to sea. Well mother, he said, I will learn a trade to gratify you, but as soon as my time is expired, I will go to sea. I then found it was useless to contend any longer, and finally gave up the point. He however con- tinued for several months with steady application to his business, with which he appeared to be very well satisfied ; but at the expiration of that time he again left with a determination of going to sea the first opportunity ; and accordingly in a short time after he engaged to go on a Sealing voyage to the South Seas. The vessel belonged to a small sea- port in Connecticut from whence they were to sail, with the expectation of not returning under eighteen months or two years. I cannot describe the anguish of my feelings upon this occasion, as I had flattered myself from time to time that he would give up the idea of going. He had hitherto been an affectionate and dutiful child, but in this instance, he would not be controlled, and in a few days, with a heart torn by the most poignant grief, I parted with my beloved and only child. He was accompanied by a young man, who had been clerk iu a store, and had shipped to go the same voyage with him ; he called several times at my house, previous to their departure, and appeared to be a nice, steady young man, and as he was several years older than my son, I

THE "WIDOW'S OFFERING. 161

commended him to his particular care, and requested that they would continue in friendship during the voyage, which they promised faithfully to adhere to. I felt rather more reconciled that he was not going alone, and that he had chosen a respectable youth for his companion, (he being the son of a wealthy farmer) but like many other foolish boys, was de- termined to follow the sea.

I endeavored to bear up with all the fortitude I could command, till after their departure, when in the bitterness of sorrow I mourned in- cessantly the absence of my son ; morning, noon and evening, found me in tears ; and my broken slumbers presented him to my view, precipi- tated from the mast-— falling overboard, or some other frightful disas- ter, which with a cry of terror would awaken me. I however, after a week's absence, received a letter, wherein he informed me that he was perfectly satisfied with the captain and officers, who were extremely kind to him and his friend, and likewise, that they had resolved to read their bible during the voyage, -(which I had requested them to do) let others say what they would. This letter afforded me great consolation, on heariug that he was satisfied with his situation, and after committing him to the protection of that God who rules the mighty deep, I endeav- ored to feel more reconciled. My affectionate little step-son grieved as much for the absence of bis brother as myself, and did all he could, by his dutiful attentions, to comfort me ; I wrote to George how much he mourned his departure, which he answered with fraternal affection, beg- ging him to be good to me and his sister, and he would always love him. In short they were always inseparable, and had they been own broth- er's they could not have been more affectionately united ; he was like- wise equally as dear to me as my own, and had he been going upon a similar voyage I should have grieved as much for his loss. In a few days after, I received the farewell letter from my dear boy, which in- formed me that he was still perfectly satisfied with his captain and crew, by whom he was treated with the same kindness as usual, and begged me not to make myself unhappy, as long as I knew that he was otherwise himself. After this, I endeavored to summon all the fortitude that I was mistress of ; and on seeing a lady from S., a few days after their departure, who informed me that she was well acquainted with Capt. P., and she likewise had told him to be kind to those dear young lads who had never been to sea before, which he had promised to per- form, I felt greatly reconciled, and resigned him with composure into the keeping of his Heavenly father. Shortly after, I received letters from England, which informed me that my sister had recently parted

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162 the "widow's offering.

with her oldest son, who had likewise taken to the sea, entirely against his parents' approbation, which had left them in deep affliction. I sin- cerely sympathized with them, well knowing what their feelings were. I had forgot to mention, that a short time previous to my son's depart- ure, being entirely discouraged in laboring to support the children, that I made application to the friends of Adela to take her, (she being the child of his second wife) ; the grandfather accordingly took her, and boarded her out. I was shortly after, left without help, occasioned by the mischievous insinuations of a member of the family, who was incess- antly bringing tales to prejudice me against her, which appeared so plausible that I believed them ; the girl, however, affirmed with tears in her eyes, that what had been alleged against her were infamous false- hoods, invented by malice, to lower her in my opinion ; this however, did not prevent the other from continuing her accusations, which from her artful insinuations appeared so evident, that I finally discharged her. But in a short time I sincerely regretted that I had done so, as I found that what the mischief-maker had asserted wore nothing but lies, and I was vexed with myself for having placed any confidence in what she said.

Sarah was a pious, industrious girl, (being a member of the Metho- dist church) and the best help I ever had, in New York. I endeavored to obtain another as good as herself, but could never after meet with one, consequently, labored on for several months without any assistance, until my heart and constitution were almost broken. Frederick was now about the age of twelve, and his sister ten, as it was upwards of two years since our return to New York, during which, I had strove in- cessantly for a support, but found that it was barely to be obtained by keeping a boarding house, notwithstanding all my exertions. I likewise met with many unprincipled men, who after having boarded for a con- siderable time, basely absconded without paying me ; I felt so discourag" ed at times, that it appeared as though I could not continue in the busi- ness a day longer. My friends strongly advised me to part with the children, alledging that the expeuse and responsibility of rearing them would be too arduous a task for me to perform, for which I should never receive any thanks in return ; which had I have acceeded to would no doubt have been for my benefit, but I was ignorant in regard to where their friends resided, as there were 'hone at that time in New York excepting a cousin, and I had not a heart to cast the poor orphans upon the wide world among strangers, and was determined to struggle for their support as long as I was able, and never desert them until I

the widow's offering. 163

could place them under the protection of their friends, flatteiing myself that when they had grown to the years of maturity I should be reward- ed, at least with gratitude ; and should have a daughter to smooth the pillow of my declining years, but in that (as likewise eveiy other fond hope through life) I have been disappointed, as all the returns I have met with, have been ingratitude and an ill name.

I continued to strive in a boarding hous-", for nearly a year after my son's departure, meeting with continual losses and impositions, insomuch that my finances were nearly exhausted, and I was driven almost to the last extremity, when God in His mercy sent me relief, through the death of my aunt P., in England, who left me a legacy of nearly four hundred dollars. I then gave up the boarding house, and with that money open- ed a small store, but very soou found that it would not defray the ex- penses of my family, and a heavy house-rent ; I was almost distracted, and knew not what to do for the best. I had, at that time, an offer of marriage from a respectable mechanic, who was in business for himself, and a member of the baptist church, which I declined accepting, not wishing to encumber him with a family of children, not my own, but have deeply regretted since, that I did not accept his offer. I had like wise, a short time previous, had advances made by the mate of a ship, to -whom I gave no encouragement, in short, I had been so unfortunate in my marriages, that I felt little inclination to attempt it again

I now knew that it would not answer to continue my store, (and being advised to again enter the boarding business) I sold out and hired a large house, in a fashionable part of the city, at a rent of four hundred dollars per year, but in that (as likewise every undertaking) the Lord thought fit to disappoint me. I had been there nearly a quarter, not having sufficient boarders to furnish my table, when, after an absence of almost two years, my son arrived; my joy at meeting him was in- describable, as I then felt that I had a protector who would take a share in my trials. My constitution (through the incessant struggles I had encountered) was greatly impaired ; I felt debilitated and miserable, which George perceiving, advised me to give up the boarding house, and repair with him to S., where I might find some employment less laborious, and that he would contribute all in his power to assist me. — He likewise wished me to be there, that he might have a mother's house for his home. After having concluded to accompany him, I sent for the nephew of my deceased husband, and informed him that I must now give up the responsibility of the children, as I was going to a gtrange place, and knew not how I should be situated, having then no

164 the widow's offering.

other dependence but upon my son. He said he would take Frederick and give him some more schooling, after which, he would put him to a trade, but as to Ann, he wished her to remain with me, as no other re- lative was in New York, and he being a young man just entering upon the stage of life, knew not what to do with her, but if 1 would consent to her continuing with me, he would contribute towards paying her board. I heard all this with great reluctance, as I had no inclination to retain her any longer ; she had already given me a great deal of trouble and anxiety, and I well knew what I might expect in the future ; I however, to oblige him, consented to keep her for a time longer. Mat- ters being thus settled, we took our passage on board of a vessel, bound for is., and after taking leave of our dear Frederick (who was standing on the wharf broken hearted) we set sail, and on the second day arrived at our destined port, where we were received with much kindness by several of the inhabitants, in short, I afterwards found that the people generally were very friendly. In the course of a week I hired an apart- ment and removed. The village at first appeared very lonesome after being so long a resident in a tumultuous city, but flattered myself, that in retirement and solitude I should enjoy that repose which my bosom had long been a stranger to. On the following week I received a letter from my dear boy Frederick, who deeply mourned our separation, and that he felt as though he had lost every friend he had in the world. — I shed tears of unfeigned sorrow while reading his artless epistle, and wrote him an affectionate answer in return. I likewise, in a short time after, received a letter from my sister, in England, stating that our dear mother had b?en dangerously ill — that she had no particular complaint, but she believed that I he sorrows of her children had broken her heart This letter caused me deep affliction, but my only resource was in apply- ing to God for consolation.

My dear son was again making preparations for a second voyage, which was to take place in the ensuing month ; my heart sunk within me at the prospect of another separation, but I endeavored to summon all the fortitude in my power for the occasion, during which, I employ- ed myself in making up hi3 sea clothes. In the mean time he engaged with a merchant, to supplv me with what necessaries I should want in his absence. The hours flew rapidly away till the day of parting ar- rived, when with a heart bowed down in the bitterness of grief, I again bid farewell to my beloved boy. Many of the inhabitants had called upon me, and given me iuvitatious to return the visit, but my spirits be. ing deeply depressed, and my health miserable, 1 felt no inclination to

the widow's offeeing. 165

mingle in society. My son suggested, previous to his departure, that if I could obtain a few small scholars to teach, it would contribute to be- guile the hours of his absence and be an assistance also. I accordingly made application to the inhabitants, and shortly collected a sufficient number. I now had employment to occupy nearly the whole of my time, but my health being so miserable in the winter, I was scarcely able to attend to it. I studied my bible with more attention, and searched the scriptures with greater acccuracy than I had ever done before, which displayed my sins in a more aggravating form than I had ever viewed them ; I sought for relief in prayer to God, but could obtain none. My mind continued in a most unhappy state, till the month of February, when the Lord poured ©ut his spirit upon the inhabitants of the village, and a glorious revival was the result — sinners were crying in an agony of spirit, what should they do to be saved, and multitudes bow- ing to the mild sceptre of Jesus. As to myself, the anguish of my soul was indescribable, as on taking a review of my past life, I found that the greatest part of it had been spent in following after the vanities of the world, and that I had been sinning against God with a high hand and an outstretched arm, that I had been building upon my own self- righteousfaess, which was nothing but filthy rags, and that I was in the gall of bitterness, and the bonds of iniquity. I then saw clearly, that God had been calling me through life, by His judgements, by His mer- cies and His gospel, that I had had line upon line and precept upon precept, to all of which I had turned a deafened ear, and continued to folio vv the dictates of my own treacherous heart, flattering myself that I could serve God and the world together, but was now convinced by the evidential proof of my tortured conscieuce, that I had been going the broad and downward road to destruction, but that God in His ten- der mercy to my never dying soul, had by his chastening rod, stopped me in my mad career, and prevented my rushing headlong to my own destruction. My mind continued in a distressed state for nearly three weeks, when the Lord in pity to my sufferings, sent me relief ; there was still, however, an aching void at my heart, which I could not overcome. I described my situation to our pastor, who informed me that on being baptised, and becoming a member of the church, those feelings would subside. I accordingly, in the month of March, was led into the water by our much beloved pastor, elder B n, and was bu- ried in baptism with my adorable Saviour, and arose with him to newness of life, after which, being received into the church, I partook of his bro- ken body and blood, but never shall I forget my feelings upon that sol-

*15

166 THE "WIDOWS OFFERING.

emn occasion ; all bis sufferings were displayed to my view, in the most agODized form ; joy, pity, adoration, and gratitude alternately took pos- session of my soul, and I wept without ceasing. Alter the ceremony being over, I returned home with a mind deeply depressed, where (the first opportunity) I retired to my closet, and in an agony of spirit pour- ed out my soul in gratitude to God for having brought me out of dark- ness into his marvellous light, that he had taken my feet from the hor- rible pit and miry clay, and placed them upon the rock of eternal ages. I arose from my knees greatly comforted, and felt such a joy in believ- ing, as none can imagine but those who have experienced the same, while Jesus appeared the chief of ten thousand,. and altogether lovely. But in the midst of my rejoicings, a letter arrived from my sister with the melancholy information, that she had just followed the remains of our dear mother to that bourne from whence no traveler returns, and likewise, that her youngest son was buried in the deep, as the vessel that he sailed in was lost, and every soul perished. This was afflicting news to my already broken heart ; I mourned the death of my beloved moth- er with heart felt grief, and deeply sympathized in the afflictions of my bereaved sister. I wrote to her in answer, and told her what the Lord had done for my soul, and commended her to Him, who alone could pour into the wounded soul the balm of consolation.

The revival continued for the space of four weeks, in which time there were upwards of an hundred added to the church. My little school continued to flourish, till late in the ensuing summer, when I was under the necessity of moving, through the indisposition of a lady in the house, at which time, my dear son arrived from his second voyage ; ho however, remained but a short time at home, before he departed again, and left me a prey to the most poignant sorrow, during which, my step son, Frederick, made us a visit ; I was truly rejoiced to see the dear boy, who had grown a fine, har^some young lad, and the same af- fectionate son as ever, he however, remained but a week, and returned again to New York. Previous to his departure he informed me that an uncle of his, who was a flour merchant, had removed with his family to New York, with whom he was upon terms of intimacy. I was ex- tremely happy to hear that he had now some connections, in whose so- ciety he could pass the intervening hours of business, and flattered my- self that when his time was expired he would have a friend to establish him in it.

The house which I now occupied, being so near the water that many people objected to it, fearing their children might be in danger, conse-

the widow's offering. 167

quently, my school rapidly decreased ; I however, continued with a few echolavs until the ensuing spring, when, as I was obliged again to remove, I gave it up altogether. About this time our much beloved pastor left his flock to take charge of another, at a considerable distance, and waa

succeeded by elder A n, who with his wife boarded with me untill

they went to housekeeping, and shortly after they made great im- provements in the Baptist society ; a female prayer-meeting was estab- lished, a sewing society, and the Sunday School (which had nourished

under elder B n's ministry, but was now greatly diminished) was

firmly re-established. They likewise built two new churches, one in the village, and the other about three miles distant. I enjoyed many hap- py hours in our social meetings, and assembling together in heavenly places, with almost a constant attendance of the divine presence. But alas, happiness was not of long duration for me ; in the month of Feb- ruary I again removed, and being exposed to the keen air and chilling winds of S., I took a violent cold which terminated in the lung fever, and brought me to the gates of death. During my sickness I placed an en- tire dependance upon the mercies of God and the merits of my redeem- er ; I had no idea that I should recover, nor did I desire -it, but was re- signed to depart from a world wherein I had experienced so much sor- ow and affliction, but the Lord in His wisdom thought fit to restore me again to partial health, as I had not yet drained the cup of affliction He had put into my hands.

During my sickness, I dreamed that my mother came to my bed-si de and presented me with a cup neai'ly half filled with a black and dis. gusting medicine, which she told me to drink, but my soul I thought shrank at the nauseous draught, and I refused to take it. Drink it my dear, she replied, it is the same as you have taken before — it will do you good, and restore you to life. I then took the cup, and with a reluctant effort swallowed the whole, which was extremely bitter, but in a short time was succeeded by a sweat, and aromatic taste. My mother whose form now appeared light and transparent, waving her hand, glided out of the room. I stretched out my arms, and called aloud for her to return. I awoke, and looked around in vain for my' beloved parent, but no one was near. The dream had made such an impression, that on waking it appeared like reality, and although she was not visible, I felt that her departed spirit was still hovering near me, and through this vision that God was preparing me for still heavier trials. At the height of my disorder^and on the day which determined my fate between life and death, I was informed that my son had arriv-

168 the widow's offering.

ed, which threw me into great agitation, and to ascertain the fact, I arose precipitately from bed, with the intention of going to the window, but my head being almost in a state of delirium from the effect of the fever, I endeavored to regain the bed, when the door burst open, and dear George rushed forward, and with a wild and agitated look clasped me to his bosom, exclaiming dear Mother, the danger is over. I have seen the doctor who informed me that the fever had this morning turn- ed in your favor — he then assisted me to bed, and did all by his affec- tionate attentions to alleviate my hours of sickness. About that time I received a letter from my son Frederick, who informed me that his uncle was willing to take Ann and provide for her, if I thought proper. I was rejoiced to hear, that they at last had found a friend among their relatives, who appeared to feel interested for them, as_, should I be taken away, there would be a home provided for them. After the turn of my fever, I began slowly to recover, and shortly was enabled to sit up during the day, but so miserably weak that I could not walk across the room without holding to the chairs, or some other thing for a sup- port. I however exerted myself' to the utmost of my little remaining strength, and with the assistance of Ann and George, conducted my family concerns.

After my health had somewhat improved, George began to talk seri- ously of marriage, which I remonstrated with him against, until he was better able to provide for a family ; he, however, being firmly bent upon his purpose, I advised him no further upon the subject, although the information was a heavy and unexpected blow to my then debilitated frame, as I was perfectly aware that the day of his marriage would deprive me of a home, and to God alone I looked for consola- tion. My son now informed me that it was his intention to go to Xew York, and as I knew not how I should be situated hereafter, I consid- ered it a good opportunity of sending Ann to her uncle's, and having prepared her for the occasion, she accompanied him thither. After being absent a week, he returned and informed me that he had placed his charge safely under the protection of her relations. Rapid prepar- ations were then made for the wedding, and the day of which I felt so ill that I gave up the idea of attending ; but my son being wishfully anxious to have me there, I exerted myself to the utmost, and with tottering steps repaired to the house of his marriage. During the cer- emony my head became so dizzy that for a moment every object was obscured, and I was fearful of fainting. I however recovered sufficiently to remain until it was over, and immediately after returned home, with

the widow's offering. 169

feelings more like having attended a funeral than a wedding ; as I was now bereft of my only son who was then my sole dependence and sup- port, who I had flattered myself would be the prop and stay of my declining years — instead of which, with a constitution impaired by sick- ness and sorrow, I must shortly be cast destitute again upon an un- friendly world, with a mind torn with a thousand conflicting emotions, but with a full reliance on my Heavenly Protector. I endeavored to compose my aching head and perturbed feelings upon the pillow, and after an hour's rest arose more resigned to the will of God.

My son and his wife, after having spent the first day of their mar- riage in the country, returned again to S. During the summer he made a short voyage, and in the Autum embarked again for the South Seas. His wife continued with me at intervals during the winter, but in the month of March being anxious to begin housekeeping, she left me for that purpose. My house was now altogether broken up, and notwith- standing my health was still miserable, I prepared for removing to New York, (although I had not an earthly prospect before me on ar- riving there,) and in the beginning of April, I left S. for that city. On arriving I immediately repaired to my cousin Insols, who I found all in confusion, preparing to move — they however gave me an invitation to remain with them that day, which I accepted. In the interim, being desirous of seeing a lady who had previously left S., and on whom I had promised to call. I went in quest of her, but not having the num- ber found much difficulty in finding her — and on reaching the door, being so exhausted with fatigue and debility, that I felt as though I should drop. I however made out to arrive at the parlor, when a cold shiver- ing seized me, and a death-like feeling pervaded my whole frame ; my head became giddy, and reaching an arm chair I fainted, I remained in a state of insensibility for the space of fifteen minutes, and on slowly recovering beheld Mrs. D. and her daughter bending over me with a fan. 0, how often "have I thought if it had pleased the Lord then to have taken me, what a happy release it would have been — but his will and not mine, be done.

After having recovered sufficient strength to walk, I bent my steps slowly back to my cousin's, and taking an early cup of tea retired to bed — previous to which Mrs. Insol informed me that their family were in great affliction, owing to some heavy losses he had recently met with, loosing nearly the bulk of his property through the bankruptcy of several merchants, Avith whom he had transacted business, and were deeply in his debt, and that it was his intention shortly to purchase a place, and

170 the widow's offering.

retire with the shattered remains of his fortune into the country. This was melancholy news to me, as it had been my intention to solicit their friendship in establishing me in some small way of business, but now I wholly abandoned the idea. On the following morning I went in search of a habitation to deposit my goods, but met with no success, as it was past hireing time, and every tenement was taken ; and being worn down with debility and fatigue, I returned without accomplishing my object. I however, after taking a little repose, again set forward to visit a friend, who resided in the upper part of the city, where I did not arrive till nearly dark ; they were much surprised to see me, and gave me a friendly welcome, and insisted upon my staying that night. On stating my difficulties in not finding a tenement, they requested me to have my goods brought to their house, and remain with them until I was suited. I joyfully accepted the invitation, and on the following day had them removed thither, where I remained till the first of May, having previously met with and hired apartments, and removed to the same. I was truly thankful that I had once more a home, and my own pillow, whereon I could rest my weary head ; but as I had no time for indulgence, I obtained some needle work which I employed myself at whenever I felt able. Having called upon a lady, wrho followed the straw hat making to a large extent ; she advised me to learn the busi- ness as it was very lucrative. I accordingly made the attempt, but the walk being nearly two miles distant from where I resided, (was inadequate to my strength,) I was frequently so ill that I wras compelled to stop by the way until I had recovered sufficiently to proceed, and on my arrival would be under the necessity of taking restorations before I was able to commence work ; in short, all my fortitude and resolu- tion left me, and I became the prey of melancholy and dejection.

The Cholera was raging throughout the city at an alarming rate, and, hundreds were borne to their long home in a week. A gentleman who resided in the same row of buildings with myself was followed to the grave by his wife, who was taken sick on returning, and the day but one after was deposited by the side of her husband ; another within a few doors of our dwelling, was taken at ten in the evening, and at four in the morning was a corpse. In short, almost every other house was afflicted, in a greater or less degree with the malady. I saw at one time six coffins placed upon one cart, ready to be conveyed to their respective places. The terrified inhabitants were flying from the city in throngs, to escape the pestilence ; but all these appalling circumstan- ces caused no excitement of terror within my own bosom, and I rejoiced

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 171

at the prospect ; nay, ardently wished that the next summons to death would be mine. I hud now no ties to biud me any longer to earth, as the son in whom all my hopes had been centered, had cruelly deserted me in the hour of sickness, before I had recovered sufficient strength to encounter the storms of the world. All my affections appeared to be alienated, and I felt no longer interested about him ; but God in due time punished me sufficiently for indulging such unnatural feelings. My thoughts were continually reverting to the dear village of S., and the many happy seasons I had enjoyed in the sanctuary and social meetings — it was there I had made my covenant with God, and bowed to the mild septre of Jesus, and the friends with whom I had united, and since my separation seemed doubly dear to me. In short, my heart and my affections were there, and I ardently wished if my life should be spared to enable me to return. New York appeared no lon- ger my home, my friends were dispersed in various directions, I knew not whether. The church that I attended, and all that belonged to it were strangers. Ann who had remained with her Aunt but a short time, had quarreled and left her, and was then in Boston. In short, I felt like an isolated being inhabiting this bleak world alone, with none to care or none to pity. I continued at the straw work until the middle of September, when the business was over for the winter. The cholera now began to subside, and hundreds of people were daily returning to their deserted habitations. As the Autum advanced, my health became much improved, insomuch that I could sit for a day at my needle, without taking any rest. About the latter end of November, I went down to the lower part of the city to inquire if there were any letters, when I was informed that the vessel my son had sailed in was lost — as immediately after they had left the port, a violent storm ensued, and since that time had not been heard of, although a vessel had arrived from the same port, which had sailed several weeks after. This infor- mation appeared like a death blow from Heaven, to punish me for those unnatural feelings I had strove to cherish, and I returned home in an agony of mind not to be described, and in that state sat down and wrote to S., with an inquiry, to know whether the news was correct or not. I was almost in a state of distraction, and in the bitterness of my soul I implored God to spare my beloved son.

On the following day I went down to see if the packet had arrived from S., and was informed that she was then hauling into the dock. I went immediately to the wharf, where I stood for a considerable time, although the wind was blowing bleak and keenly. The captain observ-

172 the widow's offering

ing me crossed over several vessels and came upon the wharf. I inquired of him if he could give me any information respecting the mel- ancholy news which was in circulation. He replied that it was cur- rently reported at S. to be the case, but that he had his doubts about it, and added, that as he was just working his vessel in, he had not time to relate the particulars, but would call on the ensuing day and give me all the information in his power. I again returned home with anxiety and grief, and again on my knees (in agonizing prayer) besought God to restore my son. After a sleepless night, I arose weary and unrefresh- ed, and every knock that I heard, I flew to the door with the expectation of seeing the captain. The day being far advanced, I had almost given up the hope of his coming, when a loud knocking aroused me, and be- fore I could reach the door another succeeded, but who can paint my disappointment on beholding instead of the captain, (one who appeared to be) a poor shipwrecked mariner. I stood with the door in my hand» impatiently waiting to know his business, when fixing his eyes intent- ly upon me, he smiled, and 0, gracious heaven, the next moment I was encircled in the arms of my beloved son. My joy and agitation was so great at this unexpected meeting that I had scarcely strength to retrace my steps back to the room. After being more composed, I inquired what had brought him so unexpectedly to New York. He inlormed me, that for several weeks they had encountered nothing but adverse winds and boisterous weather, and on striving to gain the port of S., was driven back in a gale, rnd obliged to proceed to New York, where they should remain until the cargo was discharged. He added that he had seen captain B., who had informed him of my residence, and that he was as much surprised at hearing of my being in the city, as I had been at seeing him. His countenance was so much altered from the hardships of the voyage, that I did not recognize him until he smiled ; he likewise left his best apparel at S, previous to his sailing, and appeared to my view as I have already described. He remained with me but an hour* as being mate, he was wanted on board of the ship, but promised to come again on the following day. I was now fully convinced that God had heard and answered my prayers, and in compassion to my suffer- ings had sent him to my own doors to comfort me, and I again bowed at the throne of grace in humble gratitude for His sparing mercies in the restoration of my son. On the following evening he again returned, and each successive day during his stay at New York. I was then more anxious than ever to return to S., and requested him to engage me a tenement, as it was my intention to remove thither in the ensuing spring.

the widow's offering. 173

Winter had now commenced with all its horrors, which appeared doubly so to me, as I was unprovided for that inclement season, and there being almost a total stagnation to business, I was unable to obtain sufficient needle work for a support, consequently, was obliged to dis- pose of many valuable articles to carry me through. My son having written that he had engaged a tenement for the first of April, I again re- moved to S., where I employed myself at my needle, and in close retire- ment enjoyed that peace, in the presence of God and my Saviour, which the world can neither give nor deprive me of. I but seldom mingled in society, excepting that which pertained to my church, nor had I any desire to do so, as the sorrows and afflictions of my life had weaned me from a world which no longer could afford me any comfort. My sou, shortly after my arrival, again embarked for sea. I soon found that there was but little encouragement at S. to obtain a subsistence, and al- most regretted that I had returned thither ; I however, in the autumn- procured work from New York, which lasted till Christmas, when busi- ness again subsided and I was left destitute of employment ; I knew not what to do for the best, as there was nothiug to be done at that season of the year, I nevertheless placed my reliance upon God, that he would open some door of relief.

I remained at S. uutill the ensuing spring, when I broke up house- keeping, stored my goods, and again repaired to New York, and thence to Long Island, in order to visit my friends. I was there informed that a contractor had hired a house for the purpose of boarding several of his overseers, and that he was seeking for a lady to take the concern ; I accordingly saw him and engaged to take it. Servants and everything necessary were provided, I had, therefore, nothing to trouble me in that respect. The residence was a delightful cottage, situated on the road to Jamaica, with an orchard and garden abounding with a variety of ex- cellent fruit, in short, it was a lovely retreat, and had it been mine, with a competency, I could have spent there, happily, the residue of my days. Several of my friends at New York visited me during the summer, and likewise my step-daughter Ann, who remained with me several weeks. I continued at Long Island till the following spring, and being uneasy about my goods, which were to be removed, I repaired to New York, and was there informed that an alarming fire had taken place in the vicinity where they were stored, but could not learn whether they had escaped the conflagration. I was under the necessity of remaining two days longer in the city, waiting for the New London steamboat, as there was no packet there at the time, during which I partly engaged a

16

174 THE WIDOW'S OFFERING

^ — - — ■ ■ ■ i ' . ■■■

store, with the intention of going into some small way of business, but on my arrival at S., (having found all my things in safety) I was advis- ed by some friends to open a boarding house, and accordingly hired a house fo1' that purpose, to which I removed about the beginning of April, but had scarcely finished arranging my furniture when another alarming fire took place, on Sunday, which threatened to consume the whole village. On being ai'oused shortly after daylight, I beheld the flames raising over the tops of the opposite houses in a direction to mine. The morning was intensely cold, and the wind blowiug a gale. On looking down the street I observed all the neighbors either moving or preparing to move, but I, having no one to assist me, disturbed not an article, and putting my trust in God, threw on my cloak and bonnet, closed my doors, and went to the fire. Nearly every store was already consumed, and the fire still raging with fury ; I saw several gentlemen who said if there was any immediate danger of the fire approaching me, they would see to having everything removed. I gratefully thank- ed them, and went into a neighbor's who was in a scene of the utmost confusion, where I remained until they had stopped the progress of the devouring elements, by tearing down part of an old building, and sus- pending a wet carpet from the roof of another. I then returned home with gratitude to God for having a second time spared me so dreadful a calamity. On the following week I received several boarders, and in a short time had as many as I could accommodate, which continued to overflowing during the summer and autumn ; I was, however, oblig- ed to labor without any intermission, to prevent involving myself in debt, as provisions that year was so extravagantly high, and board low, that the proceeds were scarcely sufficient to supply my table and fuel, exclusive of house rent. I was so worn down with excess of fatigue and want of rest, that my health was almost reduced to the same state of debility as in the two preceeding years, being frequently so ill that I was scarce able to hold up my head, notwithstanding, was obliged to continue my labors, and as a reward for my hardships, was cheated out of a winter's board by an unprincipled fellow, who under the garb of sanctity entered my dwelling, with a pitiful tale of ill usage from friends and likewise that he had the promise of permanent employment, by a ship owner of the place, which I afterwards found to be a gross false- hood of his own invention, for the purpose of securing himself a home during the wiuter — may God reward him according to his deserts.

As several boarding houses were about to be established, and great talk of there being but little business to be done that year at S., I re-

the widow's offering. 175

moved to New London, in the vicinity ot which, I boarded a great num- ber of men, employed by a gentleman residing in New York. My la- bors were again renewed to a greater extent than I had ever experienc- ed, having a much larger number to attend, and the most part of my time without help ; I however, with the assistance of God, continued to strive until the following year, when the job was finished and the estab- lishment broken up. I forgot to mention that previous to this, my son after a three year's abseuce, returned, and had been with his wife to make me a visit.

I continued at G. till the following autumn, during which, I made fre- quent requests for a settlement without any effect. It being then the month of November, and the house lonesome and dreary, I was advised to remove to M.. a small seaport town, several miles distant, which was represented to me as a suitable place for keeping a boarding house, I therefore, after having requested a friend to engage a tenement, with the assistance of my son removed thither, but immediately returned to New London, with the expectation of having a settlement, being previ- ously referred to an agent of the concern for that purpose, who positive- ly refused to answer a debt until he himself had a settlement, he nev- ertheless informed me that Mr. H. was expected in a few days, from New York, and in that case would bring funds to satisfy all demands. This was agreeable intelligence to me, and I thereupon concluded to re- main till that time, but after continuing a fortnight, and no appearance of him or his money, I returned home greatly chagrined and disap- pointed. In a few days after my return I received a letter from my son, at New York, who was journeying to the south ; he stated that he had seen the brother of Mr. H., who informed him that the business would be settled in the course of two or three weeks, at which period I should be paid. I waited in the utmost anxiety till the expiration of that time, and having no further information I again repaired to New London, but hearing nothing satisfactory there, I immediately proceed- ed to New York, it being then the middle of December, where we ar- rived about daybreak on the following morning. Being anxious to see Mr. H., before he went out, I inquired from where and at what time the cars started, and was informed at a very early hour, I therefore, left the steamboat, although it was scarcely daylight. A passenger, howev- er, who was going in the same direction accompanied me near to the car office where he left me. The doors were not yet opened, and scarcely a soul stirring except the watchmen, and -the gaslights still burning with brilliance through every street. The morning was intensely cold,

176 ' THE WIDOW'S OFFERING.

insomuch that I was almost perished, I however, shortly after observed a newspaper carrier and inquired of him when the cars would be ready. He replied that they would not move under an hour, and added, that I had better go into the editor's office where there was a good fire. I gladly accepted the offer and followed his footsteps thither, where I ob- served two gentlemen busily employed in preparing their paper, to whom I stated my situation and apologized for my intrusion. They politely requested me to be seated and remain there until the cars were ready. In the mean time I became comfortably warm, and in half an hour after was seated in the vehicle, but on being asked to what street I was going, I could not give them a correct answer, having left the number at home, and consequently gave them a direction to a much greater distance. On alighting I perceived that I was near the pre- cincts of the country. I inquired of some men who were at work upon a new building, if they could inform me where was the residence of Mr. H., but they replied, they did not know such a person, and directed me towards the East River where it was more thickly settled. I accord- ingly bent my steps thither, inquiring at every house for Mr. H., but no one could give me any information respecting him. I then retraced my steps back to the North River, but meeting with no better success, pro- ceeded to the next street, which ran in the same direction, and walked the same distance, but all to no purpose. I was so worn out with fa- tigue and cold (having traveled from one extremity to the other, twice across the city of New York) that I felt each moment as though I should drop in the street, and so discouraged that I had almost given up the hopes of finding him, when observing a young man opening a store, I inquired of him if he had a directory, and being answered in the affirmative, I entered, and on opening the book found (to my joy) the name and residence of Mr. H. I was informed that I had traveled two miles out of the way, and had still half a mile further to go. I never- ertheless set forward with renewed alacrity and shortly after sunrise arrived at the door of Mr. H. completely benumbed with the cold. On inquiring for that gentleman I was told that he had not yet risen ; they however, invited me into the office where there was a cheerful fire, and after remaining a short time he made his appearance. He appeared greatly surprised at seeing so unexpected a visitor, nevertheless, gave me a cheerful welcome, and stated all the particulars of his business, which still remained in an unsettled state, (not being able to recover his money for the completion of his job) and was then in the hands of a law- yer, which he flattered himself would shortly be terminated in his fa-?

THE WIDOW'S OFFERING. 177

vor. He was greatly chagrined at the refusal of his agent to pay me, as he had left money in his hands for that purpose, but hoped that he should have it in his power to settle with me before my leaving New York. He then conducted me to Mrs. H, who gave me a kind welcome and requested me to remain at then* house during my stay in the city, which invitation I accepted, and remained with them partially content- ed till after the Christmas holydays, when I became extremely anxious to return, being fearful that I should not be able to obtain a tenement. Mrs. H. was a lovely woman (in whose society I enjoyed many hours of satisfaction) and did all in her power to relieve my anxiety, by making my stay agreeable. I have often gazed upon her dejected countenance with sympathetic feelings, for ah, it was plainly to be seen that the canker worm was preying at her heart, and had already made sad rav- ages there — may God support her in her sorrows and send comfort from above. I continued with them till near the middle of January ; it was my earnest wish to return on Monday, the 13th, by the ill-fated Lexington, but the Lord in mercy to me had ordered it otherwise, as not being quite prepared, I was to postpone it until the next boat, nor did I know of the awful catastrophe till after I was on board. On being told of the dreadful conflagration my sensations were indescribable, and I raised my heart in gratitude to God for his sparing mercies to me while so many, whose lives were of so much more value to society than mine, were taken. I neither undressed or slept any during the night, and the gentlemen passengers walked the deck until we arrived atS.

After watching till daylight, I went on shore and repaired to the house of a friend, where I took breakfast, then called upon several others — engaged a vehicle, and arrived safe at M. in the afternoon. — Shortly after my return, I made inquiries for a tenement, which, after much difficulty, I obtained, with the intention of opening a boarding house, but have been disappointed in my expectations, and again left among strangers without one cheering prospect before me ; what other trials await, is only known to God ; but Oh may he enable me to say, under all his afflicting dispensations — thy will be done. Thus far has my heavenly protector borne this frail bark through the tempestuous ocean of life, and ofcimes, when driven by the boisterous gale, and sink- ing into the gulf of despair, he has again raised me, and set me adrift with a favoring breeze and led me to the captain of my salvation, the anchor of hope — on which I can rest my weary soul. For twenty long years I have been a stranger and an exile in my native land, with no

170

HE WIDOWS OFFERING.

retire with the shatter! remains of his fortune into the country. This was melancholy newsi me, as it hail been my intention to solicit their friendship in establishg me in some small way of business, but now I wholly abandoned thedea. On the f. ill« wing morning I went in search of a habitation to depit my bat met with no success, as it was

• hireing time, ai every tenement was taken; and being worn down with debility ai fatigue, I returned without accomplishing my object I however, aft taking a little repose, again set forward to visit a friend, who upper pari of the city, where I did

n"t arrive till nearly ok; tl. orach surprised to see me, and

friendly weome, and 1 upon my staying that night.

On - my dif in not finding a tenement, they requested me

to have m\ their house, and remain with them until

I waa suit.- 1. I i ted the invitation, and OB the following

bad them reraovi thither, where I remained till the first of May, ing previously mewith and hired apartments, and removed to the same. I was trnl il that I had once more a home, and my own

pillow, whereon I nay weary head ; but as I had no time for

indulgenc- I obtained >me needle work which I employed myself at whenevi It able. Having called upon a lady, who followed the

straw bat making to ot ; she advised me to learn the busi-

ness as it was veiv dingly made the attempt, but

the walk being neartyiro miles distant from where I resided, (waa :;it,. t.. tin quentlyso ill that I was compelled

to stop by the way ml I had r. 1 sufficiently to proceed, and on

inv arrival would be ider the n< • of takiug restorations before

I ibletocora k; in short, all my fortitude and resolu-

t;.,n i..ft | nielaiieholy and dejection.

The Cholera w; jhont the city at an alarming rate, and

bundn •!)!.• in a week. A gentleman who

),.,! in the -•* with myself was followed to the

grn k on returning, and the day but

one after . ; her husband ; another within a

rmr eta -ts taken af ten in the evening, and at four

: ee. In short, almost every other house was

afflicted, in a less degree with the malady. I saw atone

til. cart, ready to be i ed to their

; inhabitants were flying from the oity in ton ogs, t< i i wetfleON ; but all these appalling circumstan-

rp r within my own , and I rejoiced

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tit

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at the proepeet ; nay. ardently wished tluit tin- at pi

would be mine. I had u<»w n<» tiee t-- bind me n

the sou in whom all my hi >pes had been center

in the hour of siekiK --. before I had

encounter the storms of the world. All my

alienated, and I felt no longer interested about m ' *odio<fcat

time punished me sufficiently for indu ro unnatural

My thoughts were continually reverting t<> the Ar village of

the many happy seasons I had enjoyed in the net . • . and

meetings — it was there I had made my covenanl

to the mild septre of Jesus, and the friends wil whom 1 had

and since my separation seemed doubly dear me.

heart and my affections were there, and larded led il my bfc

should be spared to enable me to return. New V k app«-ai

ger my home, my friends were dispersed in varii- direction*,

not whether. The church that I attended, and i that belong

were stringers. Ann who had remained with -.- Aunt •

time, had quarreled and left her, and was then i lost on. I

felt like an isolated being inhabiting this bleak wld alone «*•

to care or none to pity. I continued at the straw ik until t

of September, when the business was over for the inter. 'J

now began to subside, and hundreds of people w. daily returuifK to

their deserted habitations. As the Autum advaix >, my health hrcaiat

much improved, insomuch that I could sit for dav

without taking any rest. About the latter end « Nov. / Vrtf

down to the lower part of the city to inquire if 1 ■ ■ \v<-- .

when I was informed that the vessel my son had ,:ied in w-.t-

immediately after they had left the port, a viola storm «*W **

since that time had not been heard of, although vessel b/r*

from the same port, which had sailed several w

mation appeared like a death blow from Heaven,

unnatural feelings I had strove to cherish, and I

agony of mind not to be described, and in that sti

to S., with an inquiry, to know whether the m^

I was almost in a state of distraction, and in the

I implored God to spare my beloved son.

On the following day I went down to see if th« from S., and was informed that she was then hau went immediately to the wharf, where I stood fo: although the wind was blowing bleak and keenly.

178 the widow's offering.

abiding city, nor scarce a resting place for the sole of my foot ; but amidst all the chastenings of my heavenly father, his mercies have been unbounded, a thousand times more than my deserts. From earliest childhood he has been my protector, he has led me through dangers seen and unseen, in perils by sea, and perils on land, through sickness, sorrow, and affliction in every shape, and has ever been near on such occasions, to pour into this lacerated bosom the balm of consolation, and to biud up the bones he had broken. What shall I render to Thee my God, for all those benefits, for all thy long suffering and forbearance— alas, I have nothing to offer, but a heart polluted with sin and misery, yet notwithstanding, abounding with love and gratitude — accept it, 0 heavenly father, as my only return — tear it asunder, and rend each fi- bre in pieces, if it be thy will, until thou hast rooted out every evil im- pression which is lurking therein, and mould it more to the image of my adorable Saviour ; Jesus is precious to my soul, nor would I exchange one hour of sweet communion with him, for all the vanities of a deceit- ful world, in which I have received but a few treacherous supports. — The feigned compassion of some — the blandishments, false friendship and civilities of others — they all deceive, and have taught me no longer to place reliance upon such vain fallacious objects ; my hopes are now based on a more permanent foundation — they rest on a crucified Sav- iour.

Many have wondered why I secluded myself so much from society — but Oh, did they but know the comfort I have enjoyed in seclusion, in the presence of God and my Saviour, they would no longer marvel. — It is there I have found a balm to soothe those deep wounds which sin and sorrow has inflicted, and there I can contemplate, unmolested, the wonderful mercies of God and the Saviour — in them I have a father, a brother, and comforter, to whom I communicate all my wants, my joys, ard sorrows. But on the contrary, while mingling with the world, in pursuit of its vanities, the idea of God and his holy religion — if not to- tally obliterated from the mind, is only remembered wilh levity — in the closing scenes^of life we all would wish that we had spent a greater por- tion of our time in retirement, and in a closer communion with God ; the recollection of past errors then pass heavily upon us, and embitter the last pangs of expiring nature, and we then feel the frailty of placing our dependence upon a world which can afford us no succor. Those my dear friends, are my reasons for prefering retirement, to the tumultu- ous scenes of life, wherein all my most cherished hopes have been blighted .

the widow's offering. 179

Thus agreeable to your request, I have given you a brief narrative of my life — a simple statement of facts as they have occurred. I am well aware that you will find it defective throughout, but as I am no novel- ist, or historian, nor make any pretence to be such, I would humbly hope that all allowance will be made, although it is nothing more than an un- varnished account of past occurrences, yet it has been the most arduous undertaking of my life, aud has aroused all those heartfelt emotions which I have long endeavored to repress, accompanied by many a bit- ter tear. I have often, in an agony, thrown away my pen with the in- tention never again to resume it on a similar occasion, feeling myself incompetent for so painful a task, which however, after many struggles, and much fatigue, I have accomplished. And now, dear friends, I must bid you an affectionate farewell, and may that God who has borne me through so many afflicting scenes, guide, comfort and protect you while here, and land you at last on the shores of a blissful eternity, where sorrow and sighing will be done away, and all tears wiped from our eyes.

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