DeSoto and the DeSoto Plymouth dealers from coast to coast present...
Groucho Marx!
In You Bet Your Life!
And now, here he is, the one, the only...
Groucho!
You'll never take him alive.
Oh, that's me!
Now, here he is, the one, the only... Groucho!
The same thousand dollars we had last week.
For the first time in nine years, we had somebody up here who talked more than I did.
And we ran out of time.
George, you tell them what we decided to do.
Well, uh, last meek week, Mrs. uh...
Not last meek.
That's how I feel.
Last week, uh, Mrs. uh...
That's Donald meek.
Last week, Mrs. Esther Bradley and her partner, Joe Egbert, used up all our time.
So, uh, we asked the other couples on our show last week if they'd come back tonight,
and they said they would to play You Bet Your Life,
and so Mrs. Bradley is here, uh, Joe Egbert is here,
and another partner that she picked up along the way, uh, he's a, uh...
He volunteered, I think.
He's a sailor.
So, uh, I guess they're all here now, and the show starts over just like a regular show,
and whoever's gonna play You Bet Your Life and the one that wins the most money
gets the chance at the $1,000 question.
That's right. Now, if either of our couples tonight say the secret word,
the duck will come down and pay him an extra $100.
And the word tonight is, uh, door.
All right, George, let's go.
Mrs. Helen Schwartz, Mr. Isaac Cashton, refers to Groucho,
so folks, you come in, please, and meet Groucho Marx.
Say the secret word, and you'll split $100.
It's a common word, something you'll find around the house.
Mr. Isaac Cashton and Mrs. Helen Schwartz.
Mrs. Schwartz, may I call you Helen?
Yes, Mr. Marx, you may, but everybody calls me Mama.
Well, if everybody calls you Mama, I don't want to be with the riff-raff.
I'll call you Mrs. Schwartz.
Where are you from, Mrs. Schwartz? Paraguay?
Sooner or later, somebody's bound to be from Paraguay.
I'm from Hungary.
Uruguay?
Hungry, lushens.
Oh, I'm from Hungary, too, but where are you from?
Hungry, lushens.
Hungry, lushens?
Lushens is the name of the city.
Oh, a city. I thought it was something you got at the delicatessen.
What do you remember about this obscure village?
Not much. I was about six years old when I left there.
Oh, that's about 35 years ago.
Yes.
How did you meet your husband, Helen? I assume you have one.
Yes, I do. I met him at a dance, Mr. Marx.
Gazatsky?
No, Chardash.
Oh. I thought that was something you get in the delicatessen.
What's a Chardash?
It's a Hungarian dance.
Could you give us a sample of it?
Surely, but not alone. I couldn't. Would you?
Oh, sure.
I have no idea how you do this, but I'm certainly willing to try.
What do you do?
Could you give us a Chardash over there, Judge?
Hey! Hey!
Thank you.
Oh, we get acquainted fast up here, huh?
Now, let's see. Your name is Isaac Ashcan.
No, Groucho. It's Cashdan.
Oh, you're a Japanese Cashdan. Is that it?
Something like that. Sometimes they say Cashdown.
Oh. That's when they want to get a laugh, I guess.
Something like that.
Now, what is your claim to fame, Isaac? More or less everybody.
Are you a midget race driver?
No, I'm a chess player.
Chess? Are you a good player?
My title is International Grandmaster.
That's very impressive.
Now, what is an International Grandmaster?
Is that anything like a local shave master?
Not quite. That's the highest title you can get in chess, besides the world's champion.
There are just three of us in the United States, and I think something like 27 in the entire world.
You must be pretty good, huh?
Well, they sometimes say that.
It doesn't frighten me in the least, Isaac.
I challenge you to a chess game any day of the week and bet you $500.
Are you game?
I'll tell you, Groucho, I just happen to have a little time tonight.
And if you're interested, I'll play a blindfold.
Why do you want to blindfold yourself? Don't you want to look at me?
Well, I think I can play the game just about as well.
You really think you could beat me blindfolded?
I've played several people at the same time blindfolded and done pretty well, Groucho.
Of course, you realize if you're blindfolded, I'm going to cheat.
Well, they have referees when they do this, and if I have any choice in the referee,
I'll make sure he watches you as carefully as he does me.
It's pretty hard to cheat in chess because there are very standard international rules,
and if you follow the rules, this is one game where you really can cheat.
Forget it.
The only fun I have playing any game is cheating.
Chess is a little over my head.
Well, actually, my chess is below my head, but I know.
Could you give me a sample play? I mean a simple one that Mrs. Schwartz and I would understand?
Well, I'll give you a game of chess, which I think is fairly simple.
White starts, plays pawn to king four, and black plays pawn to king four.
And white goes bishop to bishop four, and black makes the same reply.
And white goes queen to rook five.
Black's answer is king knight to bishop three.
White plays queen takes pawn, checkmate, the game is over.
And who has the $500?
Mrs. Schwartz, will you give him $500 for me?
Well, I've heard you have to be a mathematical genius to be a good chess player.
Is this true, or could a fellow like me take it up?
Well, you don't have to be a mathematical genius or a wizard of any kind.
You can be illiterate, uneducated, and still play a pretty good game of chess.
Isaac, you've described me to a T.
Shake hands with the next world's champion, and I'm still going to cheat.
Mrs. Schwartz, what's your hobby? Are you a chess player, or do you prefer ice hockey?
No, Mr. Marks. My hobby is movies.
Movies? You just like some place to go to take your shoes off, is that it?
You're popcorn happy.
That's right.
What kind of pictures do you like? Musicals, dramas, wessons, or comedies?
Oh, I don't care what they are, I don't guess Tony Curtis is in them.
Well, that's the way I feel. I don't care what kind of a picture it is, as long as it doesn't have Tony Curtis in it.
Why Tony Curtis, Mama? What's so fascinating about him?
Oh, because he's just the handsomest man on the set. He's so wonderful.
And he's got talent, and those big blue eyes, and he's on the screen. You just can't help but to just lose yourself.
Aren't you a little old to be a bobby soccer?
I should think you'd prefer someone more mature, like Clark Gable, or Bogart, or Freddie Bartholomew.
Why Tony Curtis?
Because I'm his mother.
Really?
No wonder your criticism is so impartial.
Does Tony come from a theatrical family?
Well, his father was an actor in Budapest, Hungary.
Did you know this when you married him?
Yes.
Well, do you have any talent outside of type-sickery?
No, I just used to sing a little bit, but when...
Well, how much singing did you do? Were you on the stage?
No, no, Mr. Marks. I just once called my Tony through the window, called him to come in, and a cantor, neighbor of ours, heard me, and he came right over and he says, sink.
He said sink? Were you in the river?
He told me to sink for him.
Who did this?
A cantor.
Oh, boy, that cantor doesn't overlook a trick, does he?
Well, you're a nice couple, and I hope you get married someday.
Now, Mrs. Schwartz, I've kidded you about your son, but actually I know Tony.
I've had dinner with him in New York. He's a good actor. He's a cute guy, and he's one of the biggest box office drawers in the whole movie industry.
Thank you, sir.
And you can be very proud of him.
I presume you both know how to play You Bet Your Life?
You selected London, Paris, and Rome as your category. These are questions on the three major European capitals.
Let's see what you know about them. Remember, the more the question, the harder it is. Have you ever played chess, George?
No, I, uh...
Do you have any knowledge of it at all?
None whatsoever.
I've yet to find any subject that you have any knowledge of.
All right, now what do you want to start with? 10, 20, 50, to 100.
The small sums are obviously easier than the big ones.
100.
There's a famous district of wharves and warehouses that is a residential area for the Chinese population of London. What is this district called?
It's in London.
I believe it's the East End, Groucho.
No, there's a famous song written about it. It's Limehouse.
Well, you lost half your 100. You still have $50.
Now what are you going to go for?
Try for the 90.
90? All right, Paris has two chief airports. One is Orly. O-R-L-Y. What is the name of the other one?
Very famous in history.
Sorry.
It's La Borgia. It's where Lindbergh landed.
You now have $25.
Oh, well, this is just awful for a chess champion.
You want to go for 80?
Shall we try? Let's try.
80, all right. What is the name of the building formerly used as a place of imprisonment,
that now houses the crown jewels of England?
It's the Tower of London.
That's right, the Tower of London.
You have $105.
Now 70?
I guess we'll try for 70.
It's your last chance to beat the other couples.
On how many hills was Rome originally built? And I want the exact number.
Seven hills.
Seven? You must be an old die shooter. Seven is right.
I end up with $175.
Roucho, Mrs. Rose Westlake and Mr. Miguel Pinel are waiting to talk to you.
So folks, you come in please and meet Roucho Marx.
Say the sacred word and divide $100.
It's a common word, something you find around the house.
Rose Westlake and Miguel Pinel. Rose, where are you from?
San Francisco. I was born there right a few months before the earthquake.
Earthquake? Fire you mean?
Well, it was both. The earthquake started it.
Don't you ever go back to Frisco then?
Oh, I like Frisco when I'm there. I like here when I'm there. I like every place when I'm there.
Oh, do you?
Are you married, Rose?
No, I'm a widow.
Widow, huh?
Yes.
Have you thought about getting married again?
No, I have a one-track mind and I've had the nesting age so badly now, I just want to settle down and just feel like I belong someplace.
You have a nesting age?
Uh-huh.
Well, Rose, you're welcome to use my avocado tree any old time you want.
I only ask one thing of you. Don't cackle before seven in the morning.
Now, Miguel Penel, where are you from, Miguel?
I am from Nicaragua.
Nicaragua?
Yes, sir.
Oh, that's a nice country around there. Whereabouts in Nicaragua?
Well, you know, I was born in Granada. It's a very small town.
Granada is in Spain, isn't it?
No, we have another Granada in Nicaragua.
Oh.
That's very nice, too.
Well, were you ever involved in one of the frequent revolutions?
Oh, I was just a child then.
Oh. Well, don't they have revolutions for children down there, too?
Are you married, Miguel?
I'm engaged, you know.
You're engaged?
Yes.
Well, you mean your gay bachelor days are almost over?
Don't you miss playing the field, Miguel?
Oh, I have two or three girlfriends to go around with.
I see.
Yes.
These are spares, huh?
You're engaged and you have three or four girlfriends?
Yes, you know.
You're a real scoundrel, Miguel.
What has your fiancée got to say about your flitting from flower to flower?
Oh, she doesn't know that.
She's in Nicaragua.
Back in the old country.
Why, you're a Central American Casanova, huh?
Oh, if you want to call it that, it's okay.
When did you last see your beloved?
Well, when I left Nicaragua three years ago.
Does she still remember you?
I hope so.
Well, we write each other once in a while, you know.
I knew Latins were great lovers, but if your girl still remembers you after three years, you must be sensational.
You may be another Groucho Marx.
Miguel, what makes you think your girlfriend hasn't got four or five boyfriends in Nicaragua?
She may also be flitting from flower to flower.
Has that ever occurred to you?
That's what you think, you know. She is very conservative and my sister is watching her from me.
Well, if your sister is anything like you, I have only one question.
Who's keeping an eye on your sister?
Her husband.
Her husband is keeping an eye on your girlfriend?
On my sister. My sister is keeping an eye on my girlfriend.
It works perfectly.
What do you regard as perfect? I mean, you have her sitting home at night there?
Well, she's planning to come over to the United States, you know, to meet me and marry me.
Oh.
I mean, my girlfriend.
That means you'll have to discard all these other...
Yes, sir.
And don't you regret that?
I do regret it.
Why don't you write to your sister and prevail upon your girlfriend to remain in Nicaragua?
No, because I have to get married someday, you know, so better sooner than later.
Don't you think so?
Well, you're kind of conditioned to this now, eh?
That's it. You said it.
Well, where do you work, Romeo? I mean, Miguel.
Romeo, well, Romeo works at a cab hardware company.
You work for a hardware company?
Yes, sir.
Well, do you have any outside interests? Hobbies?
Yes, well, I would like to be an actor, you know, and I'm taking lessons now.
What have you learned about acting?
Well, we have had some basics, you know, very simple things that are very important for acting.
Basic...
Yeah, like sitting, how to stand right, you know, things like that.
You had to learn to write and the wrong way to sit down?
Yeah, both. So you can see the difference.
Could you show us how you sit down?
Well, I would like to try here.
George.
George, bring out a chair, huh?
I've never seen a Central American sit down. I'd like to see...
Ah, you will see.
How do you sit in a chair? I may have been doing it all wrong all these years.
Well, it's a kind of cross, you know, I'm going to go over there and then back and sit down.
Okay, well, you go over there, but come back again, huh?
Oh, I will, for sure.
Now, you show us the correct way to sit down.
Yes, you know, you come over here, sit down.
Then, you know, you can use your hands naturally.
And there you are.
That's pretty good, eh?
You know, that's the correct way.
Now, show us the incorrect way.
Oh, the incorrect way can be done in too many different ways, you know.
You can come over here, sit down.
Like that.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Ah.
That's the correct way, Parrish.
Have we got seven or eight questions?
Five, four, three, I'm sorry.
We need to round up these six.
All six, because not surfing is good.
What, you've got a problem?
All six, because you've got to do something.
OK.
Because the Roundupners hers is almost complete.
All right, let's take all six.
I'm SURE you MUST catch those.
I wonder who beats?
I never cut off my act, you see.
I did cut off part of it.
This is rather unexpected
or I could probably do it better.
Well, let me hold your hat, maybe that'll make it easier.
Oh, that's wonderful of you.
I just love being able to hold things for me.
Don't go away with it, I'll stay.
Well, I'll be back in a few minutes.
♪
Is she gone yet? Oh.
♪
Oh, that's very interesting.
When I was about three or four years old,
my hair just started getting funny
and everybody said,
oh, the little girl looks like a sheep
and all that sort of thing.
So there's only two things to do.
If you have something that's odd,
you either conceal it or you reveal it.
So I decided to cash in on it.
Fate handed me a lemon, I made lemonade out of it,
so I just turned myself into Pee-Pee.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, sorry about that.
Well, first of all, the man would introduce me.
He would say, now, ladies and gentlemen,
we present the inimitable Pee-Pee.
Now, that's me.
Now, my friends, I'm called Pee-Pee,
the sheep-headed girl.
I'm sure you may look at me and know why.
I was discovered living among the natives
by a band of British surveyors
believing me to be a child
that had been kidnapped by the natives,
perhaps the child of missionaries
that had perished in the jungle,
or even, perhaps, the native of some race
that never has been discovered.
Maybe the reason so many explorers never came home.
Okay, that's fine.
Well, I certainly hope I never sit in back of you at a hair raising movie.
You've got a great act, Rose.
But what do you do for an encore?
Well, for an encore I could go into my dance.
Oh, well let's have that too.
You want to get the joint pose?
What music do you use?
Oh, some Hawaiian music.
Some Hawaiian music, Jack.
Get in the act, Jack.
Well, I'm off to the South Seas in the morning.
Well, you're certainly a couple of odd fellas and I'd like to go on talking to you.
I'd like to go on talking to you too, but the odd fellas are meeting tonight, so let's play you bet your life.
You both know how to play the game?
Well, I've played some games. I don't know about this one.
Well...
Well, this may be a little mild, Rose, but it won't take long.
Now, you selected cities of foreign countries and your partners and one answer between you.
I'll give you the name of two cities of a foreign country.
I'll give you the names of two cities of a foreign country and you tell me the name of the country.
And remember, the more the question is worth, the harder it is.
Now, what do you want to start with?
10, 20, 30, up to 100?
About 50.
50?
50, yes.
All right, here are the cities.
Valparaiso and San Diego.
What is the country?
Chile.
Chile is right.
You now have $100,000.
Now, you have to guess the city of which country.
I'll give you the name of two cities of a foreign country.
You now have $150.
75.
No, 70 or 80?
80, make it.
80?
Here are the cities.
Calgary and Windsor.
What is the country?
Say again, please.
Calgary and Windsor.
Canada.
Canada is correct.
You now have $230.
Now, what are you going to go?
Make it $60.
$60.
$60.
Here are the cities. Auckland, AUCK, LAND, and Wellington.
You tell me the country.
Australia.
United States.
Auckland and Wellington.
Make it United States.
No, it's New Zealand.
New Zealand?
You were close, Australia.
You lost half of your $230.
You now have $115.
All right, now you still have something to go.
Well, make it $60 again.
$60? No, you've had, you've failed on $60.
I wouldn't try that again.
Although this time, you'd probably know the answer.
Okay, let's try.
$40?
No, I'd say $60.
$70?
$70, okay.
You've had $60. $70, yeah?
Uh-huh.
Here are the cities. Bonn and Cologne.
B-O-N-N and Cologne.
Now, you tell me the country.
Germany.
Germany is right. Don't go any further.
And you wind up with $185.
Let's see.
And that means that in just one minute,
Mrs. Esther Bradley and her partners,
Joe Egbert and Pat Hunt,
who won $275 last week,
are still high and get the chance
at the $1,000 question.
In our groucho, here are Mrs. Esther Bradley,
Mr. Joe Egbert, and Pat Hunt,
all set for the $1,000 question.
I'm right back in here.
I'm getting the money.
Pastor, I'm glad to see you again.
We had a lot of fun last week,
and I'm happy to see you finally get the chance
at the big question.
And, uh, Mr. Egbert,
have you worked out a satisfactory way
of dividing the money with the sailor,
if you should win?
Yes, groucho, we've decided that we'll split it three ways.
Well, I think that's very fair.
You feel all right about this?
Yes, sir.
Well, what would you do with your share,
if you should win tonight?
Well, with three children, groucho,
I'd make it.
You have three children?
Yes, sir.
Oh, you don't have a girl in every port, huh?
All right, now let's go.
And, uh, good luck to all of you.
Now, here's the big question.
We're going to go for $1,000.
I'll give you 15 seconds
to decide on a single answer between you,
so think carefully,
and please no help from the audience.
On December 2, 1955,
the American Federation of Labor
and the Congress of Industrial Organizations
merged into a single union.
For $1,000,
who is the vice president of the AFL-CIO?
Now, you can talk it over, the three of you.
♪
All right, what is the answer
you three have decided upon?
Pardon, was that the president
of this current union?
Yes, yes, it's the president
of the current union.
What'd you say before?
Santa Barbara?
No.
It's the president, right at the present time.
Yeah, well, what is it?
Who is it?
George Meany.
George Meany is right.
Ah!
♪
Well, you win $1,000,
and how much did they win in the quiz, George?
Uh, $275.
♪
Remember, your DeSoto dealer
sells two great cars.
The outstanding 170-horsepower
DeSoto Fire Dome V8
and the beautiful 54 Plymouth,
America's best-buy low-price car.
DeSoto, Plymouth,
both products of the Chrysler Corporation.
♪
Friends, go in to see your DeSoto Plymouth dealer tomorrow,
and when you do, tell them Groucho sent you.
♪
Be sure to tune in next week, same time, same station,
for Groucho Marx in You Bet Your Life,
brought to you by your DeSoto Plymouth dealer.
And don't forget to listen to You Bet Your Life
every Wednesday night on radio.
♪
This is George Kenneman.