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Full text of "Laughing Torso"

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so I was sent there. The Headmaster's wife was
terrifying but kind and intelligent. I could not do
arithmetic, so cried with rage whilst she roared at
me.           -
The Headmaster appeared from time to time and
when my sums were shown to him he would ex-
claim " Moly Hoses! " which we thought very dash-
ing and clever. My friend who wore the red cross
in our ill-fated army was brilliant at arithmetic and
what was my astonishment when. one day in the
middle of an impossible sum the Mistress glared at
my friend and pointing to me said, " She has more
brains in her little finger than you have in your
whole body.53 That gave me confidence in myself
and I took to writing stories. I could never arrive
at any satisfactory result as I never could think of
anything to write about and had to console myself
with doing drawings, which I considered to be an
inferior art. I passed the examination with honours,
I think principally on my viva voce examination in
scripture. I was examined by a charming and
sympathetic Welsh clergyman who found my views
on the Bible quite unusual.
Every Saturday since I can remember, my
Grandmother insisted on my accompanying her to
the cemetery to visit the tomb of my Grandfather.
She was of a sentimental disposition and lived only
for the dead. It was a dismal proceeding. I had to
fill the iron anchor and cross with water and arrange
the flowers. After a speech about death and the
uselessness of living, we went home. The flowers
chosen were often "Stars of Bethlehem," which