Biographical and literary notices of William Carey [microform] : comprising extracts from church books, autograph mss., and other records. Also a list of interesting mementoes connected with Carey

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FIFTY YEARS' PILGRIMAGE
OF A CONVERT

SEQUEL TO

MY CONVERSION

r
BY

DEWAN BAHADUR A. S. APPASAMY

Retired Vakil, Palamcottah

'If we confess our sins, God is
just and faithful to forgive them.'

' He who has begun a good work
in you will complete.' ::

Fifty Years' Pilgrimage of a Convert

DEW AN BAHADUR A. S. APPASAMY PILLAI

Fifty Years' Pilgrimage of a Convert

DEWAN BAHADUR A. S. APPASA.MY PILLAI

Retired District C\mrt Plfu f ter, Inamdm <u,<l Mi titular.- '

WITH A FOREWORD

1SY

THK RT. REV, E H. M. WALLER

The Bishop of Madras

AND

A HISTORICAL SKETCH OF SOME LEADING
CONVERTS TO CHRISTIANITY

B\

THK HON'BLK -JUSTICE MK. M. D. DBVADOSS
e, High Court, Madras

CHURCH MISSIONARY SOCIPJTY

SALISBURY SQUARE, LONDON

THE DIOCESAN PRESS, MADRAS

1924

DEWAN BAHADUR A. S. APPASAMY PILLAI

Fifty Years' Pilgrimage of a Convert

BV - V,

7i

DKWAN BAHADUR: A', S. APPASAMY PILLAI

Retired l}ish-;cf- Court Plwler,, Inawdar, <it.<l tfitlatiar] 'lVJ<mdrariia }

I I': : ' ; .:,",' \Pc1a';ncotiah.~ ; ''" " ,

WITH A FOREWORD

15Y

THE RT. REV, E H. M. WALLER

/ 1 Madras

AND

A HISTORICAL SKETCH OF SOME LEADING
CONVERTS TO CHRISTIANITY

THK HON'BLE -JUSTICE MK. M. D. DBVADOSS
Judge, High Court,

CHURCH MISSIONARY SOCIETY
SALISBURY SQUARE, LONDON
THE -DIOCESAN PRESS, MADRAS
1924

7,

U

PRINTED IN INDIA

BY GEORGE KENNEXH

A.T THE DIOCESAN PRESS, MADRAS

1924. C2645

738138

1 WOULD like to acknowledge here my indebted-
ness to my son, Paul Appasamy, M.A., LL.B.
(Cantab.), Judge, City Civil Court, Madras, for the
invaluable assistance he has found time, in the
midst of his pressing duties, to render me in the
preparation of this book.

A. S. A.

215372

FOREWORD

I AM very glad to have the privilege of writing
a ' foreword ' to Dewan Bahadur Appaswami's most
instructive book. After reading the story of his
conversion, I urged him to complete the narrative
by an account of his Christian experiences and he
has now done so.

There are many things in it which will be of deep
interest and great profit to readers both in England
and India. People in England, who are deeply in-
terested in the conversion of the world, cannot get
any true idea of the struggles which are involved in
the re-adjustment of a life commenced outside
Christianity to the principles of Christ. Here we
have an account of one such life, told with the rich
spiritual experience gained by fifty years of effort
and meditation.

Again, whenever a Church arises in a country
with an old philosophical religion it passes through
two initial stages. There is first the stage of
separation, when all that went before is condemned
and banished from thought and life. In the next
stage, men begin to discover that there was much
valuable truth in the old writings and beliefs of
the country. God had not left Himself without a
witness, and in every age and in every religion men
had received truth from Him. The Early Church
gathered much of permanent value from Greek
philosophies and Eastern and Greek Mysteries.
We accept quite naturally a Christian theology,
B

x FOREWORD

based on the work of Clement of Alexandria and
Origen, as part of our Christian heritage. But we
do not realize the boldness of these men in exploring
the works of Plato and Aristotle, of Philo and the
Stoics in order to enrich Christian thought.

When men rise up in these modern days to do
the same work for their religion and their country,
there are some who shake their heads and fear that
1 simple Christianity is losing its hold.' Of course
there may be, there have been, extravagances in
every age. But the man, who all unconsciously
bases his thought about the Word of God, and
on Plato's searchings into the heart of truth, need
not fear the researches of earnest Christians like the
Dewan Bahadur into the truths contained in the old
religions of India. Rather, he should be thankful
that they are presented to him from the pen of a
Christian mystic who is also a leader in all good
works. And that brings me to another point.
There is a feverish and often hysterical search now-
a-days on the part of Christian missionaries and
supporters of Missions to find the point of contact
between East and West. The search is often
futile, sometimes foolish. But it is inevitable that,
as new generations arise and are occupied with the
supreme desire for true self-expression, there should
be a conflict of ideals. In this book those who
have eyes may discover the true point of contact
Christ and Christ alone. It is not in matters of
eating and drinking, habits of life, or conscious
research into ' Indian points of view ' that we shall
find the way. It is in Christ alone that East and
meet,

xi

Probably the reader will say that this is a
platitude which leads us nowhere. True. I will
be more explicit therefore. The truths discovered
by Dewan Bahadur Appaswami in his researches into
Hinduism are all, I think, in the region of what is
called mysticism, the life which sees the Real
symbolized in the Seen and interprets what is seen
as symbolical of what is Unseen. This is not a
prerogative of the East alone. It is the common
heritage of all Christians. The Rao Sahib quotes
from German mystics of the fourteenth century to
illustrate his discoveries in Hindu mysticism. He
might equally well have gone for his illustrations to
the Cambridge Platonists, or any another Western
exponent of the life hidden with Christ in God.

East and West meet in mysticism, the realization
of the unseen God. The new missionary pondering
how he should present the truth to India will find
guidance in this book. The days are gone when
it was enough to learn the stories of gods and
goddesses and ridicule them : (was it ever enough ?)
or when it was thought without reflection ' that
teaching appropriate for the street preacher in a
Western town, was ample for an Eastern audience.
The storehouse of the Christian teacher must be
stocked, as Christ said, with things new and old.
It is not like the medicine chest of a quack,
containing a purgative mixture and one * sovereign
remedy.' God revealed Himself in diverse man-
ners and the preacher must humbly follow Him in
his methods. This book contains the ripe ex-
perience of many years of preaching to Hindus and
that experience should be studied,

xii FOREWORD

For this record of the progress of a Christian,
for a vision of truths hidden in the heart of an
ancient people, for guidance in presenting Christ
to those who do not know Him, for this glimpse of
a soul that has penetrated within the veil, we
reverently thank God.

E. H. M. WALLER,

Bishop in Tinnevelly and Madura.

December 30, 1921.

PREFACE

I will mention the lovingkindness of the Lord and
the praises of the Lord, according to all that the
Lord hath bestowed upon us. Isa. Ixiii. 7.
Two years ago I ventured to publish a small book
entitled My Conversion which dealt with the
earlier portion of my life and the influences and
events that led up to my baptism as a Christian. That
it was a genuine and unvarnished account of a real
experience, typical of the experiences of many other
converts as good as or better than myself, must
account for the ready welcome with which it has
been received in India and elsewhere.

For the benefit of those who have not read that
book, I may here say that, its sum and substance is
that I was brought up in a pious Hindu home
amidst the most orthodox influences and that I grew
up as a devout Hindu. I believed Siva to be the
Supreme God, assisted by Brahma and Vishnu in
the acts of creation and preservation. I worshipped
also many other gods and goddesses in idol form as
well as devils. I observed caste, kept many cere-
monies and fasts, did small acts of service to the
gods and went on pilgrimages which were enough
to save a man according to Puranic lore. I was
initiated by the Guru to perform regularly my
morning and evening worship. My belief in the
Hindu gods broke down, when it was pointed
out to me by my Christian Guru that the

xiv PREFACE

character of Siva, Vishnu and Brahma, as described
in the Puranas, is far from edifying ; but that, on the
other hand, it is immoral and distinctly debasing
in its influence. From his vast and intimate
acquaintance with the Puranas, my Guru supported
his charges against these gods by actual evidence
from the Puranic books. I may add, however, that
as a Hindu youth I was ignorant of these immoral
legends about Siva, Brahma and Vishnu and that
therefore the charges of my Christian Guru came as
a revelation to me. He also impressed on me the
truth that idolatry as practised in Hinduism is sinful.

My faith in Hinduism gone, I was attracted by
the doctrines of Christianity, especially. those of the
Fatherhood of God, the Brotherhood of man and
the exceeding sinfulness of sin, I had till then
regarded myself as a holy man, the holiness having
been acquired by various pious acts, the. neces-
sity for repentance and a new birth and the power
of Christ, the Eternal Son, to forgive our sins and
to keep us from sinning.

The favourable reception accorded to my previous
book, My Conversion, which dealt with the earlier
part of my life story has encouraged me to appear
again before the public with this brochure which is
intended to be a sequel to it. This booklet is not
meant to be a complete autobiography, and conse-
quently important events of my life, like the choice of
a profession, entrance into the married life, my private
life as the head of a growing family and numerous
public activities as a citizen and a man of business,
will not be found described in detail ; but only
referred to incidentally' in so far as they affect, or

PREFACE xv

contribute to my moral and spiritual experiences.
On the other hand, this little book is meant in the
main to describe the ups and downs of the life of
a typical convert, the adverse forces with which a
person in that position has to contend and the
favourable influences which stimulate him and help
him on the path of spiritual progress. In short, it
is not a secular biography, but my life history looked
at from a moral and spiritual point of view, and I
publish it as a memorial for the glory of God and
for the benefit of my fellow-men.

On June 15, 1921, I completed fifty years of
Christian life, commencing from the date of my
baptism. While celebrating my jubilee, I humbly
wished to take stock of my performances as a
Christian and of any real progress that I had made
in the path of spiritual self-realization. From this
standpoint, I consider that my life since the time of
my conversion falls roughly into three periods.
The first may be described as the' period of
wandering in the wilderness, sometimes favoured
with sublime Sinais of spiritual experience and
commonly lived with a fair approximation to that
life of righteousness which is expected of a
Christian ; but abounding in many trials and
temptations and many influences which tended to
make me think of temporal good rather than of
eternal values. This period commenced with my
baptism and covered the whole of my professional
life as a Government servant and District Court
Pleader, both of which extended nearly to thirty
years and terminated on the day on which I retired
from the legal profession.

xvi PREFACE

During the second period which covered twenty
years, I was comparatively free from the influence of
those forces which drew me towards the world and
was able in some measure to perform my first duty
as a Christian, namely, the fulfilment of the Lord's
command to preach the Gospel to all the people
with whom I was brought into contact. I was
feeling my way, studying many men and diverse
methods and putting into practice what I had
learnt. Whatever the effect of my addresses may
have been on those who were brought within the
reach of my influence, I may confidently say that
the attempt to carry out the Lord's command
brought me much blessing and strength, and great
courage and confidence as regards the future.

I regard, however, the third period, which covers
roughly the last ten years of my life, as the richest
and most fruitful term in my spiritual history. I
learnt almost entirely to withdraw from the world
and ascend up with the Lord into the heights of
that life of contemplation, which has yielded the
purest joys and the most unquestioned accession of
spiritual strength and vision. While during the
previous period, I was wandering round Canaan in
full view of the land of promise, but still unable to
enter it and partake of its riches, during this last
period it seemed to me that I had entered the land
which flows with milk and honey, after completing
more than forty years of wandering, during which I
had struggled with many difficulties and attempted,
but without success, to enter into the immeasurable
riches of the blessed life.

In Missionary circles people sometimes speak as

PREFACE xvii

if a convert's difficulties come to an end with his
baptism. This brochure will show how they only
begin at that point, and how they tend to vary and
multiply as each successive stage of the secular life
is passed by the baptised Christian. It will
illustrate the principal hindrances in the way of his
living the normal life of Christian righteousness,
and, on the other hand, the various influences
which are likely to counteract these and lift him up
to realize the full meaning of the inner or spirit-life.
It will show the ways and means by which it is
possible to fulfil the appointed task of the Christian,
and the abundance of blessing and profit that can
be reaped from the life of meditation and com-
munion with the Lord in prayer. If it helps or
encourages any living brother, or gives courage and
confidence to any one, who has set out in a quest
similar to mine, that will be my highest reward.

I am only one of a group of converts who came
over to Christianity between fifty and seventy-five
years ago. I would have been very glad to
publish accounts of the great and good men, who
came along with me or who influenced my life, but
most of them have passed away, leaving behind
them no memorials of their life experience. If I
have ventured to come before the public with a
record of my own struggles and experiences, it is
only because they are typical or representative of
those of others like me, and also because it enables
me to acknowledge in some measure my deep debt
of obligation to some of them. For instance, the
influence which Mr. H. A. Krishna Pillay my
Guru, whom I have always regarded as a poet of

xviii PREFACE

enduring fame in Tamil, exercised on me was
unusually strong. There were others likewise who
touched my life at various points. The Hon'ble
Mr. Justice Devadoss has published a rapid sketch
of the lives of Dhanakoti Raju, H. A. Krishna
Pillay, E. Muthiah Pillay, T. A. Jothinayagam
Pillay, W. T. Sathianadhan, W. E. Ganapathy
Pillay, and Jesudasa Kaviroyer, and to all of these
whose names will be found in the appropriate places
and some others, I am under far-reaching and
varied spiritual obligations. I am deeply grateful
for this opportunity of bearing witness to their
noble and beautiful lives. My prayer is that India
may be granted many such leaders in thought and
action, instinct with the Holy Spirit and shining
with the wisdom which that Spirit alone can give.

To speak thy holy praise,

To hear thy holy praise,

To be thy servant true,

Saviour Jesus grant. 1 .

siesr

x lam indebted to my brother-in-law, Mr. J . Ganapathy Pillai,
B. A., for this and other translations into English of 'Tamil verse
given in this boo.k.

CONTENTS

CHAP. PAGE

A FOREWORD BY THE BISHOP OF MADRAS. ix
THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE ... ... ... xiii

I. LIFE AT MADRAS ... ... ... 1

Spiritual experience richer with time ... 1

The difficulties of a convert after baptism ... 2
Reconciliation with my father ; he later

accepts Christ ... ... ... 3

The value of the retention of non-essential

Hindu customs ... ... ... 4

Refusal to join, the Roman Catholic Church. 6

The study of Brahmo Samaj, Theosophy, etc. 6

The character of the Rev. A. R. Symonds... 8

My friendship with Dr. Dhanakoti Raju ... 10

II. LIFE AT.SAWYERPURAM ... ... ... 12

Sickness and despair ... ... ... 12

Sawyerpuram, Then and Now ... ... 13

III. LIFE AT ETTIYAPURAM ... ... ... 15

SECTION 1

Employment and study ... ... 15

Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay's example ... 16

SECTION 2

My marriage... ... ... ... 20

My unwillingness to marry ... ... 20

The character and training of my wife ... 21

Troubles at the wedding ... ... 24

SECTION 3

Legal Profession : objections to it removed 26

The secret of my success as a Lawyer ... 28

xx CONTENTS

CHAP. PAGE

IV. LIFE AT TUTICORIN ... M . ... 31

A growing love of money ... ... 31

Difficulties with a Judge who resented my

change of faith ... ... ... 32

Conflict with my father ... ... ... 36

Favourable influences at Tuticorin ... 37

V. LIFE AT PALAMCOTTAH ... ... ... 41

Difficulties among Christians ... ... 41

Friendship with Bishop Sargent ... 43

Appeal for missionaries to work among

educated Hindus ... ... .... 44

Agitation among local Christians about

pews, banns, caste, etc. ... ... 46

SECTION 1

Employment as Standing Vakil under the
Zamindar of Ettiyapuram ... ... 50

Frustration of my plans to visit England. 50

What I learnt from the Zamindar of Etti-
yapuram ... ... ... ... 52

Collaboration with Sir Subramani Ayyar
and Sir V. Bashyam Ayyangar ... 56

SECTION 2

Visits to hill stations ... ... 59

Serious illness and consequent heart

searching ... ... ... ... 60

Trips to hill stations and their effect on

my character and life ... ... 61

Retirement from business ... ... 64

VI. LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT ... ... 67

SECTION 1
Christian Evangelism: a tribute to Mr.

Walker 67

Preaching Tours ... ... ... 69

CONTENTS xxi

CHAP. PAGE

VI. Christmas week evangelism ... ... 70

The publication of Why I became a

Christian ... ... ... .. 71

My other writings ... ... ... 72

The foundation of the Indian Missionary

Society 73

My work among prospective converts ... 76
Conversion of some of my servants ... 77
Conversion of my sister ... ... 78

Attitude of the other members of my

family to Christianity ... ... 78

Friendship of Rao Bahadur A. Sundara

Sastrial ... 80

Study of Saivism and contact with

Saivite leaders ... ... ... 82

The great need for evangelistic mis-
sionaries ... ... ... ... 84

The erection of churches in my two

villages ... ... ... ... 86

A remarkable answer to prayer ... 87

Recognition of my loyalty to the British

Raj ... ... ... ... 88

SECTION 2

Anticipations in Hinduism of Christianity. 89
Knowledge of Higher Hinduism makes a

man a better Christian ... ... 90

Study of the Old Veda necessary for the

foundation of the New ... ... 91

Evidence in Rig Veda for the doctrines

of the Logos and the Atonement ... 92
The experiences of Hindu mystics just as

real as those of Christian saints ... 94

Hindu saints knew of the Holy Spirit ... 97

xxii

CHAP. PAGE

VI. SECTION 3

A remarkable Guru ... ... ... 100

Three stages in the spiritual life . . . 100

A remarkable Guru his personality and
his influence over me ... ... 102

SECTION 4

Communion with the Divine ... ... 106

A comparison of my visions with those
of theSadhu ... ... ... 106

My visions a great source of refreshment 107
The symbolic nature of spiritual ex-
perience ... ... ... ... 108

The Sadhu's advance on traditional truth... 109
My vision of the Trinity ... ... 110

The writing of the Name of the Lamb ... Ill
The importance of visions as a part of
spiritual experience ... ... 112

Support from the Bible ... ... 113

Support from Hindu literature ... 114

Support from science ... ... ...115

The effect of the visions ... ... 118

Visions and other types of Christian ex-
perience ... ... ... ... 119

Is a Guru needed ? ... ... ... 119

Visions are manifestations of Reality ... 120
Visions and the use of Reason... ... 121

When I see visions ... ... ...121

Intuitive understanding of spiritual truths. 122
Marriage and Marriage Supper of the
Lamb ... ... ... ... 123

A still, small voice ... ... ... 124

Reasons for writing about these gifts ... 125
CONCLUSION ... ... ... ... 127

A HISTORICAL SKETCH OF SOME LEADING
CONVERTS TO CHRISTIANITY ... ... 132

CONTENTS xxiti

PAGE

APPENDIX I. The substance of Sankara's Philo-
sophy, Ramanuja's Philosophy, Saiva Siddhanta
and of Christianity ... ... ... ... 156

APPENDIX II. The character of >Mr. A. S.
Appasamy Pillai ... ... ... ... 159

APPENDIX III. The Reconciliation of Justice and
Mercy . ... ... ... ... 164

APPENDIX IV. My daily Routine of Prayer and
Life ... ... ... ... ... 165

Fifty Years' Pilgrimage of a Convert

CHAPTER I

LIFE AT MADRAS

Rejoice, O my soul, that thou, art spared to testify of the
faithfulness of the Lord.

SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE RICHER WITH TIME

ACCORDING to a Tamil couplet, which is meant
to compare two methods of eating a sugarcane, r
there are . those who begin with the top of the
sugarcane and work their way down to the bottom,
which is the sweetest part; while others begin
from the root and go on to the head or top, which
is much less enjoyable. So far as my spiritual life
is concerned, I must describe myself as belonging
to the former class, the experiences of my inner life
becoming riper and r richer with the years. I was
baptized at Zion Church in Madras on July 15,
1871. I felt as if I had reached Zion or the
City of Refuge, to which I had fled from a pursuing,
accusing world. I left behind me not merely the
faith of my fathers, and the traditions, customs and
habits of a lifetime, which had clung to me so long
as I was a Hindu; but I had broken with my
relatives, and given up all who were near and dear

fc PILGRIMAGE OF A CONFER?

to me, parents and brothers and sisters, as well as
the freedom that I enjoyed as a Hindu. All this
I cheerfully count as loss for the sake of Christ.

THE DIFFICULTIES OF A CONVERT AFTER

BAPTISM

Most converts go through a period of reaction
soon after their conversion. Until baptism they
have something to look foward -to and prepare for ;
their friends and religious advisers are constantly
engaged in watching and helping them, and inspir-
ing them to go forward, and their own feelings are
worked up to a high state of spiritual tension.
When, however, the ceremony of baptism has taken
place the inevitable reaction follows. The con-
verts feel that they have become merged in the
general body of Christians, and fancy that their
missionary friends no longer take personal interest
in them except as units of large congregations
under their care. They have to take up some
humdrum or commonplace employment, which
brings to light all the mean things of life and the
failings of professing Christians. Meanwhile they
have definitely lost the friendship and company of
their parents and relations, on whom they were wont
to rely for counsel and help in all contingencies.
This is usually a dangerous period for converts,
when the tide of feeling and enthusiasm which
brought them into Christianity becomes exhausted
and there is a strong temptation to backslide, or, at
least, to take up an attitude of disillusionment
and indifference, if not also of positive hostility to
those who brought about their conversion.

OPPOSITION OF PARENTS 3

RECONCILIATION WITH MY FATHER

As soon as I was. baptized, I informed my parents
about it, giving them my reasons for my change
of faith. The communication must have affected
them seriously, as my mother was ill for a long
series of months afterwards and would scarcely take
her food. My orthodox Hindu father came all the
way from Kulasegarapatam, a distance of 500 miles,
to Madras, at a time when there were no railway
communications, to take me back and induce me,
if possible, to change my mind. He tried to
persuade me that my Christian teachers were
themselves blind men trying to lead the blind, and
told me the story of the sightless man who declared
to his friends that he could see God and various
other visions, and that they would also see the
same if they would remove their eyes. He further
spoke to me as if I had fallen into a pit or well,
from which he would never lift me up, even if I
cried out from hunger or sickness or pain. He
used all the arts he knew to bring about in me
a change of my views and was very much disap-
pointe/I when I stood firm. He subsequently lived
to see that my change of faith was real, uplifting
and spiritually beneficial to myself and other people,
and eventually he became reconciled to me. I
have often spoken to him seriously about the claims
of the Christian religion, and, especially in his last
days, I went to him and spent a considerable period
of time trying to bring him to the knowledge of
Jesus Christ as the Saviour of men. When he
found that I had not forgotten my parents, that,
on the other hand, I was willing to sympathize with

4 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

them and help them just the same as before, and
that I prospered exceedingly as a man of business
and the head of a family, he approved of my change*
In his last days he even confessed to me that
Jesus Christ was God and Saviour and that He had
come to him in dreams and tried to persuade him to
change his faith. He spent long periods with me
at Palamcottah, sometimes six months, sometimes
a year, making himself a member of my family and
assisting me in every possible way ; in particular he
was of invaluable assistance to me in erecting my
house at Palamcottah, as he supervised the entire
building operations for the space of more than a
year. My mother, as I have said elsewhere, came
at my earnest entreaty to live with me at Ettiya-
puram and spent over a year with me. She was also
thoroughly convinced that my change of faith was
real and beneficial. Later on she also used to
come very often to Palamcottah and make long or
short stays with me. The other members of the
family kept away from me for a considerable time ;
but as I was ready and willing to help them
in all their necessities, they too became fully recon-
ciled to me subsequently and moved with me, more
or less, as ii; I was still one of them.

THE VALUE OF THE RETENTION OF
NON-ESSENTIAL HINDU CUSTOMS

A Hindu friend of mine was pleased to remark
that, though I had become a Christian, it was well
that I had not given up all my Hindu ways, and
congratulated me in particular on the fact that
1 did not remove my kudumi, or tuft of hair, after

ON NON-ESSENTIALS 5

my baptism. In those days there was a regular
crusade against the kudumi in Christian circles, as
it was regarded as a proof and emblem of caste
pride, and thought to be a connecting link kept
up with Hinduism. Bishop Sargent would not
baptize any Hindu convert unless he had removed
his kudumi. Dr. Caldwell, on the other hand, held
the opposite view and insisted on its retention
in the S.P.G. Mission. Looking back to these
incidents from this distance of time, it seems to me
that it was unwise to insist on these non-essentials,
which made converts ridiculous and degraded them
in the eyes of their Hindu relations, and served to
make the gulf between the convert and them widfer
and more annoying. For my part I paid little
attention to these put-ward changes, and did not
even assume any new English names at my baptism
as other friends did ; but still preserved my old
name which had nothing specifically Hindu about
it. I was conservative by nature and thought that
more harm than good would result from all violent
and revolutionary changes, eventually resulting in
inevitable reaction. In the same spirit I continued
to b6 a vegetarian for a very long time after my
baptism. I tried to pursuade my Christian friends
in Madras and elsewhere that it was unwise for
them to exercise the liberty that they had obtained,
by becoming Christians, in favour of a change of
diet. In my district especially there is a deep
abhorrence of meat and meat eaters, and there was
no possibility of communicating with one's Hindu
relatives, or of influencing them for good, if one took
to meat eating openly or secretly. Hindu friends

6 PILGRIMAGE. OF. A CONVERT

are apt to imagine that the only motives which
induce people to become Christians are that they
may take to meat and drink, and choose for
themselves a pretty wife of a more refined character
than they could get in Hindu society. In order
not to give a handle to people, who were so ready
to attribute low motives, I was for a long time
unwilling to marry, though I could easily have
married into good families soon after my conversion.
Frequently pressure of different sorts was brought
to bear upon me to that end. For the same reason
I continued to be a vegetarian, and even now
entirely sympathize with those of my Christian
friends, who continue that diet and the simple
self-denying Hindu mode of living where it does not
conflict with Christian principles.

REFUSAL TO JOIN THE ROMAN
CATHOLIC CHURCH

About this time, as I kept an open mind, a
Roman Catholic catechist tried his best to persuade
me to become a member of his Church, but the
superstitions and image worship which were the
outstanding features of Roman Catholicism, as it
was then known to me, prevented one like myself,
who had recently broken away from just these evils,
from taking them up again in another form.

THE STUDY OF BRAHMO SAMAJ AND
THEOSOPHY

I did not give up my spirit of enquiry, but when
I was in Madras I interested myself in the Bramo

Sf Ut)Y OF THEOSOPHY 7

Samaj, read their books and attended their prayer
meetings. I attended the lectures of Keshub Chan-
der Sen, the great Brahmo leader, and his eloquent
and persuasive addresses confirmed the ideas that
I had already assimilated and made my own about
the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man.
Later on, when Theosophy came into vogue in
South India, I kept an open mind with reference
to it and studied its literature closely and care-
fully for several years, so that I might take-
advantage of any truths that might be found in
its teaching. Most of the Theosophists fully
believe that Christ is an Avatar of God, and at
the Adyar, their headquarters, they have the
figure of Christ cut in stone with a lamp on one
side, and one of Krishna with his flute. They have
done yeoman service to Christianity by removing
the prejudices in Hindu minds against Christ, and
by adopting Christian ways of thinking, expression
and worship. In order that I might keep in touch
with Hindu literature, I tried to learn Sanskrit and
studied the teachings of Brahma Dharma, which
contains collections from the four Vedas^ the
Upanishads and other important Hindu scriptures.
The sum and substance of the teaching therein is
the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man.
It condemned idol worship and caste as sinful, and
taught that there was one God behind the illusory
phenomena which deceive men. As the result of
my careful study of the Saiva Scriptures and of
discussions with Thambirans and other Saiva
leaders, with whom I moved in terms of intimacy
while at Madras, I have always thought that

8 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

there were many points of resemblance between
the Christian and the Saiva faiths, that their
Bhaktas 1 had been granted a profound insight
into spiritual truth and had attained to sub-
lime heights of ecstasy and devotion, and that
Christian preachers have not taken sufficient ad-
vantage of these in presenting Christianity in an
acceptable manner to Hindus. I have worked out
these contrasts in Appendix B. As in Madras
so throughout my life I have always been ready
to receive spiritual nourishment from whatever
source I could get it, and I have told my children
early in life that they must always keep an enquir-
ing mind and that, if they became honestly con-
vinced that any form of faith was truer or more
uplifting than the one they held, it was their duty
to follow the light of their consciences and live
according to it.

THE CHARACTER OF THE REV.
A. R. SYMMONDS

While in Madras, I was in the habit of visiting
and moving on friendly terms with all the leading
Christians there, and the fellowship, hospitality and
the edifying conversations, prayers and wise coun*
sels of such eminent men as Dr. Dhanakoti Raju,
Mr. Sathianadan and Mr. Jothinayagam Pillay,
older converts from Tinnevelly, who had passed
through experiences similar to mine, enriched my
life, confirmed my faith and encouraged me to go

1 Bhaktas = pious people.

THE REV. A. R.: SYMONDS 9

forward in the Christian life. With gratitude and
profound thankfulness I still remember the extra-
ordinary kindness and courtesy of the Rev. A. R.
Symonds, who was the Principal of the school
when I was at Sullivans Gardens. Though Porter
and Thompson were then at the Presidency College
and Miller was in charge of the Christian College,
Mr. Symonds had a very high reputation as a
teacher and preacher in those days, and was held
in great regard, both by Hindus and Christians,
for his high principles and spirituality of life and
his great erudition and insight. It was a privilege
to be trained under a man like him, and I re-
member in particular his kindness in taking me
to Mount Road in his carriage one day and then
asking me to go on in it to Chintadripet, while he
himself walked to the residence of the Governor
with whom he moved on terms of intimacy. While
in class the hardest terms which he used for rebuk-
ing the slothful or wayward student were to call
us' babes and children. This extraordinary mild-
ness contrasted very favourably with the cruel
treatment to which pupils were subjected in the
pial schools of those days, where they were made
to kneel for hours on stones, or to have pepper put
into their eyes as punishments for slackness in
learning. I was regular in attending Christian
services both before and after my baptism. I parti-
cularly remember the very able and inspiring
sermons preached by Mr. Symonds, and the
uplifting and awe-inspiring music and worship
as it was then carried on in the Cathedral at
Teynampet.
2

10 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

MY FRIENDSHIP WITH DR. DHANAKOTI RAJU

Dr. Dhanakoti Raju, a man of brilliant parts, who
had thought out for himself all the great questions
of life and had amassed an immense mass of erudi-
tion and knowledge, was another person who
exercised a profound influence over me at this
stage. Though he was so learned and had also
a very extensive practice in Madras as a medical
man, . he lived in the simplest possible style,
sleeping on a mat, living.on the plainest diet and
training up his children in arts and crafts and the
simple but stately manners that he himself prac-
tised. He always kept open house for us, and it
was a privilege to join with him in his family
devotions which were very regular and deeply
spiritual. Though he afterwards became a. man
of the world and embarked in a number of enter-
prises, which overshadowed the beauty of his early
Christian life, he was always a particular friend
of mine and he has stayed for more than a year at
a time in my house at Palamcottah. He opened
two big salt factories, one at Kulasegarapatam and
the other at Kayalpatam, for the purpose of putting
on the market salt which was both purer and
cheaper than any then available in the Presidency.
He succeeded to a certain extent in doing so. He
induced many of his friends to invest their capital
in his enterprises and I was one of those who took
very large shares. He opened a big iron manu-
factory at Madras, which is still being run success-
fully by his son Mr. David Danakoti Raju, a match
factory at Trivandrum and a big hydropathic estab-
lishment which had a great vogue till his death,

DR. DHANAKOTI RAJU.

DR. DANAKOTI RAJU 11

He also purchased two steamers and ran them
between Tuticorin and Colombo, compelling the
B. I. Steam Navigation Company to make their ser-
vice a daily instead of a weekly one. It was not, how-
ever, these worldly achievements that appealed to
me, but his great learning and brilliant intellectual
powers with which he used to entertain us for
weeks and months, discussing problems of philo-
sophy, science and religion to our edification and
profit. His right hand man, Mr. Shanmugasunda-
ram Pillai, was also a particular friend of mine,
as he was baptized at the same time as myself
and constantly discussed moral and religious ques-
tions with me.,. He was a man of penetrating
insight and numerous ideas and I greatly benefited
by his company. I may mention in particular that
the plan of my present house in Palamcottah is
in part due to him.

DR. DHANAKOTI RAJU.

DR. DANAKOTI RAJU ll

He also purchased two steamers and ran them
between Tuticorin and Colombo, compelling the
B. I. Steam Navigation Company to make their ser*
vice a daily instead of a weekly one. It was not, how-
ever, these worldly achievements that appealed to
me, but his great learning and brilliant intellectual
powers with which he used to entertain us for
weeks and months, discussing problems of philo-
sophy, science and religion to our edification and
profit. His right hand man, Mr. Shanmugasunda-
ram Pillai, was also a particular friend of mine,
as he was baptized at the same time as myself
and constantly discussed moral and religious ques-
tions with me. He was a man of penetrating
insight and numerous ideas and I greatly benefited
by his company. I may mention in particular that
the plan of my present house in Palamcottah is
in part due to him.

CHAPTER II

LIFE AT SAWYERPURAM

As the. stiff erings of Christ . abound in us, so our consolation
also aboundeth by Christ. 2 COR. i. 5.

MY own period of reaction after conversion came
to me soon enough, namely, on my return from
Madras to Sawyerpuram where I was employed for
seven months in teaching Tamil to the Rev.
Mr. Billing of the S.P.G. Mission. I have no
complaint to make against this gentleman, who
was full of kindness and goodwill towards me. He
appreciated all the trouble I took on his behalf
and was most generous and sympathetic in his
relation towards me then and afterwards.

SICKNESS AND DESPAIR

During this short period, however, when there
was no one to live with me or look after me, I fell
seriously ill twice, and during my illness I obtained
little of that nursing and careful attention which I
could have counted upon in my own home. Natu-
rally my mind was full of bitter recollections of all
that I had sacrificed and the comforts which I
missed. In the state of mind through which I then
passed, I felt greatly inclined to rejoin my parents
for medical treatment and home nursing and would
have actually done so but for the certainty that they
would laugh at me and insult me My paternal
uncle was the only relation who came to me to
comfort me during this period of Bitterness and

SAWYERPURAMi THEN AND NOW 13

heart-searching'; my parents and other relatives
left me severely alone.

I could have saved myself a good deal of this
trouble, if I had .taken advantage of the liberal
offer of hospitality held out to me by' Mr. H. A.
Krishna Pillay- 1 , who was still at Sawyerpuram
and to whom I still looked up with regard and
reverence as my esteemed Guru. 2 But as he had
many children and I did not at that stage desire
to connect myself with any Christian family, I
determined to live alone, and I was very often
reduced to the necessity of getting my meals from
the club or of taking hasty meals prepared by poor
cooks. My friend did not quite appreciate my
reasons for wishing to live apart ; I could not,
therefore, get that assistance from him and that
measure of good-will that I am sure I could have
obtained in other circumstances.

SAWYERPURAM, THEN AND Now

I remember that when I was acting as Tamil
Munshi to the Rev. Mr. Billling, I paid a visit to
the leading European missionary there, in company
with Mr. H. A. Krishna Pillay, and was surprised
to learn that I was behaving improperly in walking
up to the steps of his bungalow with my shoes on,
instead of leaving them at the gate of his compound,
as other ministers and teachers employed under him
were in the habit of doing. What a great change
has taken place since? During a recent visit I
stayed in the very bungalow and occupied the very

1 See the History of the C. M. S. in Tinnevelly, p. 258 for a brief
notice of H. A. Krishna Pillay.

2 Guru, a Teacher*

14 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

rooms which the said European missionary then
occupied. With a view to refresh my recollections
of Sawyerpuram and revisit the scenes of my early
struggles, I paid a visit to the town in March, 1922
and found a big contrast between the village as it
is at present and Sawyerpuram as I had known it.
There were then more than one European mis-
sionary, a high school with a large number of
students in it, and a European Principal in charge
of it. Now all these are gone, the buildings are
mostly vacant and there is only a secondary school
and the necessary staff. As a set-off, however,
there is now a large, spacious and well ornamented
church, which is attended by congregations of about
700 to 1,000 every Sabbath. At the request of the
local Pastor I preached in it on a Sunday in March
last, and gave testimony that the seeds of my faith
were sown there, that God who had begun a good
work in me then had continued to stand by me
during more than fifty years, and that recently He
had saved me miraculously from an accident that
might have resulted in my death while travelling in
a railway trolley in the neighbourhood of Sawyer-
puram. The village, was called after an Eurasian
layman, named Sawyer, who substantially assisted
the mission more than a hundred years ago and
greatly helped in the building up of mission work at
Palamcottah and elsewhere. His prayers and the
labours of those earnest and godly men, who suc-
ceeded him, have resulted in large and self-
supporting Churches, both at Sawyerpuram and at
Chendiambalam in the neighbourhood where also
all the Hindus have become Christians,

CHAPTER III

LIFE AT ETTIYAPURAM

His delight is in the Law of the Lord. Psalm i. 2.
And whatsoever He doeth shall prosper. Psalm i. 3

SECTION i EMPLOYMENT AND STUDY

I SPENT the next three years of my life at Ettiya-
puram as a clerk of the large estates which were
under the management of the Court of Wards, the
Zemindar 1 being then a minor. These three years
were among the happiest and most successful in my
career, and the grace of God enabled me to
maintain and improve my spiritual life during this
period ; physically too I was then strong and
robust and I was never ill. On the other hand, I was
so strong that 1 could easily lift an Anda holding
three big pots of water. I consider that this was
the principal formative period in my life, as during
these three years I not only selected and prepared
for my profession in life and married ; but also
formed those habits of life and study which have
helped me ever since and enabled me to attain what-
ever success I have achieved. I had a good deal of
time to myself for study and discussion, and the
opportunities for meditation and prayer that I then
enjoyed were helpful in building up my character
and my moral fibre.

1 Zemindar, a rich landed proprietor,

16 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

MR. W. E. .GANAPATHY PILLAY'S EXAMPLE

The principal personal influence on my life
during this period was that of Mr. W. E. Ganapathy
Pillay, then employed in the management of the
Ettiyapuram Estate as Tahsildar. 1 Starting from
humble beginings, he had risen rapidly in Govern-
ment service by patience and hard work, and by
reason of the favourable impression which his high
principles, equable temper, truthfulness and integrity
made upon his superior officers and the public in
general. He was a man of a generous and affection-
ate nature ; his manners were peculiarly tender and
refined, being those of a Christian gentleman. His
successful career was an example and an inspiration
to me, and I was greatly influenced by his habits
and manner of life. Example is the most potent of
instructors though it teaches without a tongue.
Learning generally is done more easily and quickly
through the eye than through the ear ; the training
of a man's character in particular is principally
dependent on the models set before him for admi-
ration and imitation. We take unconsciously after
the people about us, and in youth especially there is
a magnetic affinity which enables us to assimilate
the likeness of those we admire. I am free to
confess that I have always been largely influenced
by my environments, and during this period my
close contact with Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay,
influenced me greatly and moulded my habits and
manners for the rest of my life. My Ettiyapuram

1 Tahsildar, a Revenue Officer, a subordinate tp the District
Collector, , _ . . .';!..

OFFICE WORK 17

career was by no means smooth from the beginning.
I was new to my task and had no acquaintance with
the minutiae of routine revenue work. My fellow
clerks, instead of helping me by putting me in the
way, ridiculed me and amused themselves at my
expense. I had to work from early morning until
8 p.m., at night; and the Tahsildar, who at first
was indifferent to me, was so little pleased with
my work that he proposed to transfer me to the post
of a clerk under the Overseer of Public Works. I
resented this and wrote to Mr. Billing, requesting
him to take me back again as his Tamil teacher.
He replied with a long and sympathetic letter,
in which he pointed out the many difficulties
that I had to "over come before I had obtained
my appointment and referred to the letters of recom-
mendation that I had to obtain. He advised me
to remain at my post. I had never approached
the Tahsildar till then, for, in common with
other clerks, I looked upon him with fear and
reverence ; but eventually, putting aside my pride
and reserve, I visited him and unburdened my
troubles to him. He received me with sympathy,
encouraged me and promised to teach me my work
whenever I met with any difficulty. It was arrang-
ed that I should teach his children English an hour
every day in the mornings, and in return I was to
have the rest of the mornings free. I took advan-
tage of this freedom to devote my leisure to the
study of the law. The Tahsildar encouraged me
to appear for different examinations, showed me the
proper method of preparing for them and gave me
the benefit of his valuable guidance and counseL
3

18 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVkkf

It was during this period that I passed the various
examinations which qualified me to practise as a
Vakil, or obtain employment as a Deputy Col-
lector. What was of even greater importance, I
formed, chiefly from the example of Mr. W. E.
Ganapathy Pillay, those habits of hard work,
thoroughness and perseverance which have ever
since stood me in such good stead. Previously I was
wont to rely on my native intelligence and quickness
of perception, to read rapidly and in a desultory
fashion and to take very little pains to fix or ground
the knowledge I had acquired permanently m my
memory. I now learnt that in life, as well as in
examinations, mere quickness counts for little and
that what pays in the long run is thoroughness and
patience, carefulness and method. The conse-
quence of this new system of study was that I was
successful in every one of the examinations for
which I appeared, in one of them being placed first
in the Presidency. These successes greatly en-
couraged me and gave me confidence in myself.
The knowledge that I had acquired of Hindu Law
and the Standing Orders of the Board of Revenue
enabled me to discharge the duties entrusted to me
in connection with the grant of darkhast lands and
the transfer of pattas, so well that my work was
appreciated by my superior officer, whose recom-
mendations were all accepted and who received
his share of praise from those above him. These
two branches of work were such that a dishonest
clerk could easily have made a good deal of money
out of his place ; but the Tahsildar preferred me in
the appointment as he had the greatest confidence

THE FORMATION OF HABITS 19

in my trustworthiness and honesty. My fellow
clerks were always helping themselves to per-
quisites, but I aimed at a high standard of integrity,
and, when a wealthy landowner of my acquaintance
took advantage of my familiarity with him to press
upon me a sum of money for some help which I had
already rendered, I rebuked him so severely for his
misconduct that such temptations were never put
in my way again. On one 'occasion the Tahsildar's
wife charged me with having uttered a falsehood.
As I was intent on maintaining a high standard of
truthfulness in my life, I resented this severely,
though she was the wife of my superior officer. I
challenged her . to prove her assertion. She was
unable to do it and, in order to satisfy my wounded
feelings, she tendered an apology which I accepted.
There was no church or place of worship at
Ettiyapuram, but I was very regular in my daily
devotions and observed the Sabbath strictly as a
day of rest, making every effort to keep it holy. I
did not study any secular books on Sundays. A
catechist used to come and read the Sunday services
of the Church of England, and follow them up with
addresses to' which I attended with diligence and
profit. During my morning and evening walks I
formed habits of meditation, of prayer and of
religious conversation, which I have since main-
tained through life. I never aimed at going to
Ettiyapuram but it was a providential arrangement
which took me there, and I have since come to
regard the period of my life spent there as one
which made a great change for the better in my life,
in body, mind and soul,

20 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

SECTION 2 MY MARRIAGE

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth

favour of the Lord. Prov. xviii. 22.
Who can find a virtuous woman : for her price is far

above rubies. Prov. xxx. 10.

During the first of the three years I spent in
Ettiyapuram I had my meals at a club ; during the
second year my parents became reconciled to me.
My mother came to see me and stayed with me for
nearly a year and prepared my meals. In the third
year I stayed with Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay, as
it was by this time understood that I was to marry
one of his daughters. He was very happy and
affectionate in his family life, and the time I spent
with him was a period of great pleasure and profit
to me. The Tahsildar's young children were very
entertaining, and I came to have a liking for the
ways of the family and for its individual members.
When eventually it was proposed that I should
marry into the family, my parents were greatly
pleased 'and thoroughly approved of the match, and
forwarded it in every way; partly because the
family came of a very good' Hindu caste, partly on
account of the Tahsildar's official position and
also because of the respect in which the family
was universally held.

MY UNWILLINGNESS TO MARRY -
The principal objections to the marriage came
from myself. Soon after my baptism I had made
up my mind not to marry, lest I should give a
handle to those who were ready to say that I had
become a Christian for the purpose of getting a
Christian wife. Further, I felt that a bachelor

UNWILLINGNESS TQ MARRY 21

who was -unburdened with the cares and anxieties
of family life, was better fitted to achieve the
Christian ideal of holiness and service to his fellow-

&

men than one who was married. I had also
read English books and novels giving glowing
accounts of the qualities that may be expected in
women, and had come across some noble specimens
of them both among the English and Indian ladies
whom I had met in the city of Madras. I was
very doubtful as to whether I could get a person
who could be my real companion and helpmate in a
country town. Further, there was the economic
objection that my income as a head clerk was
barely sufficient to maintain myself and would be
somewhat inadequate for a wife and family of
growing children. This last defect, however, was
remedied about this time, as a few months before
my marriage, I had become a Pleader and from
the beginning began to make a very good income,
many times larger than what I had earned as a clerk.
I became convinced also that it was impossible for
a single man to stand by himself all his life without
any one to share his thoughts and cares. Meanwhile,
I was well received and treated so warmly by
Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay that it was impossible
for me to keep back without returning their kind-
ness and hospitality, and so in this, as in other
stages of my life, I slid into marriage scarcely
knowing that I did- so.

THE CHARACTER AND TRAINING OF MY WIFE

Some of the circumstances connected with my
marriage led to a feeling of disappointment and

22 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

disillusionment. In the first place, the wedding
ceremony was very different in form and effect from
that which I had pictured to myself. It lasted for
ten days, during which there was endless feasting and
beating of tom-toms attended with enormous expense
'(Rs. 5,000 I believe), and numerous antiquated
ceremonies which were all very distasteful to me.
On the other hand, there was a total absence of that
solemnity and religious feeling which a sacrament
of that character seemed to demand. As the wed-
ding was celebrated in a village, in which very
old-fashioned ideas prevailed as to the manner in
which it ought to be conducted, there was little to
emphasize the higher ideals which are associated
with a Christian marriage, and there was none of that
privacy and that heart-to-heart converse or com-
munion that ought to take place during the begin-
ning of a married life. I had read English books
on the subject of marriage, and expected of my
bride, at least, a measure of the companionship and
comradeship, which are inseparably associated with
a wedding in the west. But my wife was so
excessively shy and retiring that it was many days
before I could get to talk with her ; and so young
(only fourteen years of age) that she could scarcely
be expected to be my companion or comrade.
Her education, too, was of such a simple and
elementary character that it was some time before I
could discuss serious subjects with her with any
degree of profit or pleasure. Though I have since
been satisfied that my marriage has been abundantly
blessed of God and, therefore, must have been
intended by Him, and that my wife's character

EDUCATION OF MY WIFE 23

contained many of the elements which were wanting
in my own, yet my feeling at the time was, I must
confess, one of disappointment, principally because
I had started in my youthful enthusiasm with too
exalted and idealized notions of the married life.
I had, however, the advantage, which Hindu
husbands generally have not, of knowing the
character and qualifications of my bride, and of being
thoroughly satisfied that the solid elements neces-
sary for a happy married life were capable of being
contributed by her. But, on the other hand, her
youth, inexperience and want of education made
her less of a companion and help, and more of the
type of an ordinary Hindu wife than I had reason
to expect from her previous training. I determined
to remedy these defects to the best of my power
and ability and found in my wife a willing and re-
sponsive pupil. She already knew how to read and
write Tamil well and to keep accounts. She had
also learnt a certain amount of elementary English.
During my spare hours I devoted much time to
improving her knowledge of English, . making her
read English books for herself and frequently also
to me. Subsequently, when my young children
were growing up and I had to engage tutors for
them, I made the same persons teach her also at
home, so that she could eventually read any ordinary
English book with profit and pleasure and engage
in conversation in English with the members of the
family and people from outside. Mr. Jothinayagam
Pillay's eldest daughter, who knew Indian music
well, taught her a great many Tamil hymns and
lyrics at my request when we were in Tuticorin.

24 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

Subsequently for her and my two elder children, I
employed a music teacher, who taught them a great
deal of Indian music. Likewise I purchased a
harmonium for her and engaged a tutor in English
music, under whom she learnt for two or three years
and attained a fair degree of proficiency. She was
encouraged to go to the houses of English mission-
aries in Palamcottah and to meetings and parties,
with the result that she knew how to carry herself
in such places. During middle life she could drive
a carriage, sing and play Indian or English hymns
in public, and had sufficient acquaintance with
English to teach it to others, which saved me the
trouble of sending my children early to school, for I
could be sure that she could give them the elements
of English and Tamil. I could, have done more but
for the fact that four or five years after I married,
she began to suffer from an infirmity in hearing
which prevented advanced study. She is religious
by nature and has always been a devoted and earnest
Christian. She has faithfully co-operated with me
in giving my children a Christian upbringing. Her
strong, if simple faith, her patience and humility,
the simplicity of her character and persistent good
nature have been invaluable assets to me in my
married life.

TROUBLES AT THE WEDDING

Two incidents in connection with my wedding I
may here mention before I pass on. My father-in-
law was in the habit of receiving S.P.G. and
C.M.S, clergymen in his house, irrespective of
caste, and dining with them, He accordingly sent

THE WEDDING 25

out invitations to some of them and they attended
the marriage ceremony. At the time of the
wedding dinner, however, the Christians of my
caste, who had come over from Palamcottah, raised
objections to partaking of the same feast with these
clergymen. The Rev. Mr. Vedanayagam of Vagai-
kulam, who was a friend of the family, and as
devout and earnest as he was able and thoughtful,
solved the difficulty for us by sitting down in a
separate tent with all the clergymen who had come,
while all the other guests were entertained in the
main pandal. I followed the footsteps of my father-
in-law in such matters.

Another incident, though of small importance at
the time, had a'lasting effect on my subsequent life.
It had been arranged that the wedding of another
poor Christian convert, in whom my father-in-law
was interested, should be celebrated at the same time
as my own and by the same priest. Though I had
thoughtlessly agreed to this in the first instance, I
subsequently felt serious objections to the course
and urged them on my father-in-law. He, however,
would not go back upon the original arrangements.
He consulted only the good opinion of the other
bridegroom's father-in-law and administered a rather
severe rebuke to me, a treatment which he had
never accorded to me during my three previous
years at Ettiyapuram. This left a lasting wound
in my heart. I am afraid I cherished feelings of
resentment towards him for many, years. I fell into
the error of letting my passions ride in triumph
over me while my nobler powers lay humbled to the

dust. Grace did not reign within my heart and
4

26 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

make the members of my body instruments of
righteousness. This condition continued for a long
time and was finally checked only at Ootacamund
several years later, when I came in contact with the
Salvation Army and was able to overcome my
besetting sin of pride.

SECTION 3 THE LEGAL PROFESSION:
OBJECTIONS TO IT REMOVED

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches and
loving favour rather than silver and gold, Prov. xxii. 1.

On the advice of my friends, Messrs. E. Muthiah
Pillay and W. E. Ganapathy Pillay, I chose the law
as my profession, though personally I had little or
no inclination towards it, and commenced practice
at Ettiyapuram itself just two or three months
before my marriage. My ambition when I was
young was to become a Sub-Magistrate in the Public
Service, because the person who held that office
in my town was the biggest man there and was
regarded with feelings of very great reverence.
I feared that Vakils could not maintain a very
high standard of truth or integrity, as I thought
they had to concoct evidence and documents to
help their client's case. They would often have to
argue against their own private convictions and in
favour of persons, who had obviously committed
offences or done that which was wrong. They
would have to make the worse appear the better
case, and adduce- law and facts, arguments and
authorities to support the wrong side of a case, and
all this for a paltry remuneration. These were
some among the objections which I urged against

THE LEGAL PROFESSION 21

the profession of the lawyer and which I myself
entertained. I discussed these objections with my
two friends and also with Mr. Srinivasacharlu, the
District Munsiff of Srivaikuntam, to whom my
father-in-law sent me for consultation. He con-
vinced me that it was not the business of a Vakil
to prepare or concoct evidence, that being rather
the affair of the clients and their agents or Vakil's
clerks, and that the Vakil had only to devote
himself to studying his client's case and to present
it in the best possible manner with all the legal
arguments available for the consideration of the
Court. As this advice came from a judicial officer
of character and experience, I was convinced that
there was nothing wrong in the profession, which
was practised by men of such eminent piety and
character as Lord Hale, Lord Hatherly and Lord
Selborne, and I was persuaded to take it up and
make it the profession of my life. I may say that
I strictly followed the method suggested by Mr.
Srinivasacharlu and never concerned myself with
the preparation of evidence. As an illustration I
may mention that, when I was engaged in a big suit
to which the Zemindar of Ettiyapuram was a party,
I persuaded that gentleman to employ another
Vakil of the High Court to go through the evidence
of 200 witnesses and to give him a large fee for his
pains. On another occasion when I had to adduce
the evidence of a dancing girl for the purpose of
showing the immorality of a debt incurred by my
client, I left the public and private examination of
the said girl to another Vakil who was paid
handsomely for his services*

28 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS AS A LAWYER

From the beginning I was successful in my new
profession. My training as a teacher and public
servant and the invaluable mental discipline I had
received, during the period in which I investigated
the claims of rival faiths, helped me when I set
up practice. I was able to earn in the first three
months ten to fifteen times the income that I had
received as a clerk. Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay
exercised second class powers as a Magistrate
during his tenure of office as Tahsildar at Ettiya-
puram. I was for some time his magisterial clerk.
I read his judgements carefully, and listened to the
arguments urged before him by leading Vakils from
the District Court, Palamcottah, who came to appear
before him. During my three years at Ettiyapuram,
I also enjoyed the opportunity of arguing and of dis-
cussing with Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay and others
the legal subjects that I had studied and the practi-
cal questions connected with Revenue Law. I also
took part in a weekly discussion class, which we had
arranged at Ettiyapuram for the sharpening of our
wits and powers of argument. I consider, however,
that the strongest reason for my success in the legal
profession was my training in reasoning out for
myself the pros and cons of the Hindu and
Christian faiths. The habit of comparing the claims
of these rival creeds, and of weighing the merits of
the arguments that could be advanced in favour of
the one or the other, enabled me to form my powers
of discrimination and judgement, and to see at once
the truth that lay behind a case and the weight that
could be attached to particular arguments, The

PRACTICE IN coukf 29

mental discipline that I had undergone at Ettiya-
puram, during my preparation for the criminal and
civil, judicial and revenue tests, and the habits of
industry and painstaking application that I had
then formed also stood me in good stead. I was
determined to succeed not merely in my profession,
but in every case I took up and never spared any
effort to win my cases. The Magistrate before
whom I appeared most frequently was one who was
in the habit of receiving bribes ; and, as I was
always engaged for the side which had not
approached him, it was a stiff uphill fight for me
and I had to work and think very hard. The fact
that I had undertaken the responsibility for a wife
and growing family, and that I must hereafter fight
my own battle with little help or aid from others,
nerved me for my task, and I was soon able to meet
the best lawyers in the district on their own ground.
It would appear that there was a discussion among
some eminent English Judges as to the best
qualifications for getting on at the Bar. One Judge
suggested that the young aspirant should devote
his days and nights to Blackstone. Another said,
' Marry an attorney's daughter, ' and a third broke
in with the saying, ' The very best method is to
start witho.ut a shilling.' Over and over again we
see that the man who has to rely on his own
exertions and skill makes the best lawyer.

I may say that the plan or sketch of my subsequent
life was drawn up, the foundations for it laid and a
fence or compound wall erected round it during the
time I spent at Ettiyapuram, For a short time I
was engaged as private tutor to the minor Zemindar,

30 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

who learnt to know me and held me in respect
during that period. He found it easy to offer me the
position of a Vakil for his estate two or three years
later on. The monthly retainer that he gave me
made me sure of my position as a lawyer, while the
influence that I had with him gave me a position
and a status in the district which it would have
otherwise been difficult for me to achieve. My
character was fenced in and formed during this
period. The good influence exerted on me by Mr.
W. E. Ganapathy Pillay prevented me from straying
in pursuit of vague aims and unrealizable desires.
When later on I moved to Tuticorin and enjoyed
greater freedom of action, I felt the want of this
controlling influence and let myself go in certain
directions in which I would not have gone at
Ettiyapuram.

CHAPTER IV

LIFE AT TUTICORIN

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you and persecute
you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for
My sake. Matt. v. 11.

A GROWING LOVE OF MONEY

FROM Ettiyapuram I moved to Tuticorin as there
was larger scope in the latter station for engaging
in legal practice. In addition to a Sub-Magistrate's
Court, there were the Courts and offices of a Sub-
Collector and of a Subordinate Judge. From the
time that I set up my office at Tuticorin, I was
successful in building up a lucrative practice and,
what was of much more importance, a sound know-
ledge of law as it is administered in the courts and
my competency as a Pleader as well. My initial
successes as a Vakil, however, tended to make me
forgetful of my spiritual health which had then
fallen to a low ebb. I was so busy during the day
and so tired after the day's work that I sometimes
neglected the Sabbath. Bishop Caldwell was not
then permanently stationed in Tuticorin, and there
were no good religious ministrations to attract me
and keep me faithful. On the other hand, the love
of the world and the love of money, which is
described in the Bible as the root of all evil, grew
upon me and coloured my dreams. The more
money I earned the more ambitious I became to
build up a big estate, and to make myself a man of

32 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

the world. This love of money might easily have
become a serious failing with me, as it has been
in the case of other lawyers of my -acquaintance,
but for the fact that nearly all the savings I effect-
ed during the .first five years of my life, amounting
to more than ten thousand rupees, were invested in
a coffee estate near Kuttalam and totally lost. In
common with other Christian friends, who took
shares in the enterprise, I was inclined to believe
that we were going to make exceptional profits and
get rich quickly. The sudden disaster that over-
took us taught me many lessons and particularly
prudence in money matters, and less reliance on
money and the power that it brings.

DIFFICULTIES win A JUDGE WHO RESENTED
MY CHANGE OF FAITH

So long as I was in Ettiyapuram I was free from
all reproach or contempt on account of my change
of faith, as I was under the shelter and protection
of Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillay, himself a convert
held in great esteem by all people. The entire
atmosphere changed when I shifted my quarters
to Tuticorin. Mr. Vasudeva Rao, who was the
Sub- Judge when I went there, was always kind and
courteous to me, but a bigoted and prejudiced
Hindu, who succeeded him a few months later,
disliked my change of religion and availed himself
of every possible opportunity to give expression to
his feelings of scorn and contempt. He was a very
able Judge, quick, intelligent and shrewd, with a
ready discernment of the truth and a strong and
authoritative manner ; but he was fond of self-

OPPOSITION 33

glorification and flattery from others. He had
an inherent hatred of Christianity and Christians
and, as he was wont to express his opinions
freely in public, sometimes in vile and obscene
language, he made things very unpleasant for me.
He was in the habit in open court of calling a
Brahmin convert who appeared before him a Pariah.
The other Vakils practising in Tuticorin went to
the station to receive him, and he conceived a
prejudice against me, because I was not one of
them and also because by inadvertence I made a
salaam to him in court instead of the usual Hindu

salutation known as Kumbidu, of which he was
very fond and which my fellow Vakils daily offered
to him. He sneered and scoffed at my conversion
in open court, charged me with ignorance of the
higher aspects of the Saiva religion, and called in
question my capacity to change my faith. Like
Peter I was prepared to give him my reasons for
the faith that was in me and for over a month, after
the day's work was over and the public withdrew,
I used to discuss and compare religious questions
with him and show him the arguments which had
induced me to become a Christian. He subse-
quently relented in his attitude towards me and,
though he called himself a Vedantin and could not
be convinced of the truth of the Christian faith, he
was prepared to admit that my change of religion
was genuine and that I had valid reasons for giving
up the faith of my ancestors. Out of evil cometh
good. The course of conduct adopted by that man
compelled me sometimes, in the presence of my
fellow Vakils and clerks of the court, to bear
5.

34 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

testimony to the glory of God and the blessings of
the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually the Judge
was prepared to subscribe to some of the truths in
the Christian religion, and one day he produced a
Bible which he said he had won as a prize for the
thoroughness with which he had studied it in . his
student days. Though he professed to be a Vedan-
tin and was known to be an honest and upright
Judge, his private life was not of a desirable type,
as will appear from the two following circumstances
which further increased the estrangement between
us. He arranged for a nautch party in connexion
with a wedding that was celebrated in his house
and expected each of the Vakils to be present and
give the dancing girl gifts of ten rupees. I gave
offence by refusing to attend the ceremony, but, in
order to mollify his feelings, I subsequently sent a
sum of ten rupees. One day in court he abused a
wealthy Brahmin merchant in obscene and unseemly
language. The merchant at once filed an action of
defamation against him and cited all the lawyers
practising in the court as his witnesses. My
fellow Vakils mostly gave evidence in the Judge's
favour ; but, though I was requested on the Judge's
behalf to refrain from giving evidence as to some
of the vulgar language employed by him, 'I preferred
to speak the truth and this also irritated him.
While I was at Tuticorin I accepted engagements
in criminal cases in preference to cases in the civil
courts, as the former were better paid and the
remuneration for the latter was very poor. During
the occasions on which I had to be absent I used
to entrust my cases to junior Vakils, which gave

LAW CASES 35

great offence to the Sub- Judge and provoked him
to dismiss my petitions and cases on insufficient
grounds. Though the profession of a Vakil is
reputed to be an independent one, a strong Judge
can make life unpleasant for him by unwarranted
treatment of the above kind.

When I am about it I may mention one note-
worthy criminal case in which I was engaged
before Mr. J. Davies, I.C.S., who afterwards became
a Judge of the High Court. He had entertained a
strong prejudice against my client, who was an
Inspector of Police and a man well known in the
district, and I had very uphill work the whole time
in his court. In spite of my efforts the Inspector
was committed -to the Sessions ; but just about that
time I obtained a Sanad for practising in the
District Court and appeared in the same case With
other Vakils before the Sessions Judge who was
good enough to release my client. This was a
source of great thankfulness to : me and was of con-
siderable service in opening my career at Palam-
cottah, as it was a piece of professional success
which became known to everybody in a short
time. I worked very hard for my client, as he was
my father's friend and intimate acquaintance, and I
myself had often waited upon him in my younger
days for the privilege of talking English with him.
I used to admire him much for the grand figure
that he used to display in his police uniform when
mounted on a big white horse. One of my clients,
who had great confidence in me, while I was at
Tuticorin and who constantly engaged my services,
has since risen to very great eminence and affluence*

36 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

This Chinnathambi Marakayar, who was a wealthy
Muhammadan merchant, became one of my standing
clients and he is now reputed to be worth forty
lakhs of rupees. He has always been a good friend
of mine and professes openly to have adopted
many of my ways and manners. Another wealthy
merchant' who was my client has also earned forty
or fifty lakhs. He still keeps up the simplicity
and faith of his early life, but continues to be a
good friend. I was influenced by these two men
to acquire wealth.

CONFLICT WITH MY FATHER

About this time there was another occasion in
which my feelings for my father, who had now
become thoroughly reconciled to me, and my desire
to be truthful came into conflict. He had filed a
suit for the recovery of a portion of our family pro-
perty, which had passed into the possession of a
number of Muhammadans under a fraudulent decree,
alleging as the basis of his suit a partition between
the members of our family which had never really
taken place. The defendants, feeling sure that
I would give truthful evidence, cited me .as their
witness and went so far as to obtain a warrant to
compel me to attend court and give evidence. I
had to testify that the alleged partition had never
taken place which was the real truth ; but in order
to satisfy my father I paid him the entire costs of
the suit which of course he lost. He filed an
appeal in the Sub-Court which also failed and he
compelled me to pay him the cost of this appeal
also, In addition, he made heavy demands upon

LIFE AT f UTICORIN 3?

me at the same time for the marriage of my younger
brother.

FAVOURABLE INFLUENCES AT TUTICORIN

As a set-off against these troubles I may mention
certain favourable influences which helped me while
at Tuticorin. Mr. Barter, a European merchant of
very high character and principles, became one of
my clients and I was brought into close contact
with him. Though in some cases it was against
his own interest to speak the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth, he was faithful to his
principles and refrained from making the slightest
departure from the strict line of rectitude. I was
greatly impressed by the way in which he applied
his Christian principles in the world of business, in
which it is sometimes said that it is impossible to
be truly a Christian. As a result of a severe attack
of fever, brought on by excessively hard work in
connection with the defence of a Christian Overseer
who was charged with a criminal offence, I was laid
up for nearly three months and was reduced to
straits for money. Mr. Barter, who had by that
time become my standing client, generously sent
me at once a cheque for Rs. 1,000, partly for services
already rendered and partly as an earnest for future
work. I still remember with gratitude this liberal
and timely assistance, and have regarded it as an
example which I should follow when similar cases
come to my notice. During my frequent visits to
his bungalow I made careful note of his method of
housekeeping, and the excellent manner in which
his furniture had been selected and arranged, and

38 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

was being kept tidy from day to day. I tried in
some measure to reproduce similar conditions in
my own bungalow.

Though Dr. Caldwell was living at Ediyangudi
during this period he used to pay occasional visits
to Tuticorin, and I was greatly benefited by listen-
ing to his addresses, which in thoughtfulness,
clearness and persuasiveness were models of what
such addresses should be. He was an eminent
linguist, and a man of very great erudition, but
these did not weigh upon him, but, on the other .
hand, he excelled in the use of simple, telling and
most appropriate language and imagery. In a
spacious temporary structure erected in front of our
house in Tuticorin, he preached continuously for a
week to the respectable educated Hindus of the
place which had a great effect on them as well as
on me. I was very anxious to follow in his foot-
steps and to preach the Gospel to the Hindus about
me, but the limits of my time and capacity prevented
me from accomplishing all that I had in mind.

I was immensely benefited by the visit of Father
Rivington, one of the most devoted and saintly
missionaries whom I have had the privilege of
meeting. In addition he was a very learned man and
a great preacher as well. His addresses made a deep
impression on my mind and recalled me to those
habits of spiritual blessedness from which I had
slid as a man of the world. A long personal con-
versation with him enabled me to search my heart
and quicken my sense of what I had lost.

While at Tuticorin I was guilty of the impro-
vidence of standing as surety for certain shop-

THE PRINCE OF WALES 39

keepers, who took large advances from a branch of
the Bank of Madras at Tuticorin. Though these
advances were generally paid, I was left in the lurch
on one occasion ; one of the creditors dishonouring
the bill that was drawn upon him by the bank. I had
to borrow money and repay the security debt, and
learnt the value of the precept in the Bible, which
advises people not to strike hands as surety for
one's neighbours.

The most memorable event that happened while
I was quartered at Tuticorin was the visit of the
Prince of Wales, the late King Edward. A very
grand pavilion was erected in his honour. The
reception was carried out on an unprecedented
scale of magnificence. I was placed next to the
Raja of Ettiyapuram and very close to the Prince.
I can never forget the grand sight when all the
nobles of the district were assembled in their best
and brightest array. That section of the South
Indian Railway which runs between Tuticorin and
Trichinopoly was opened by the Prince. On that
occasion also a very impressive reception was given
to him at Maniyachi by the Christians in the district,
in which two bishops, sixty clergymen and about
eight thousand Christians were present.

In passing, I may also mention that my first two
sons were born at Tuticorin. The eldest was born
when I was practising there as a Pleader. My
knowledge of the Indian Evidence Act proved
useful on that occasion. Applying the principle of
288 days laid down there, I had expected and
foretold the arrival of the baby on a particular
date. That morning there was no sign of the

40 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

child, but in the evening it made its appearance
verifying the figure given in the Act. When
my second son was born I was in practice in
Palamcottah, but my father-in-law was a Deputy
Collector in Tuticorin and had built a house and
there the event happened. The mother, however,
passed through a very serious illness after the birth
of the child, which kept us in suspense and anxiety
for many weeks. It eventually partially deprived
her of the power of hearing.

REV. W. T. SATHIANADHAN.

CHAPTER V
LIFE AT PALAMCOTTAH

DIFFICULTIES AMONG CHRISTIANS

Not unto us Lord, Not unto us
but unto Thy name be the glory.

I TURN with gladness to my career in Palamcottah
which began in 1878, when I was enrolled as a
Vakil of the District Court with the privilege of
appearing in all the courts in the Tinnevelly dis-
trict, and moved into Palamcottah for the purpose
of enlarging my practice. Mr. Carr was the Judge
in Tinnevelly at that time. He was vested with
absolute authority to give or refuse a Sanad to
any one wishing to engage in legal practice in the
courts in that district. He had an idea that the
Bar was getting full even then and was, therefore,
very particular about enrolling new practitioners,
sometimes refusing Sanads even to graduates with
B.L. degrees. He was, however, very kind and
considerate in my case and was not only willing
readily to enrol me, but made a little speech from
the Bench on the occasion on which I first appeared
before him, saying that it was a position of great
honour, independence and responsibility to which I
was called and that he felt sure that I would be
worthy of my vocation. This was due to the fact
that I had already made some name for myself at
Tuticorin, but principally to the recommendations
of Mr. Annasamy Mudaliar, then Sub- Judge at
6

REV. W. T. SATHIANADHAN.

CHAPTER V
LIFE AT PALAMCOTTAH

DIFFICULTIES AMONG CHRISTIANS

Not unto us Lord, Not imto us
but unto Tky name be the glory.

I TURN with gladness to my career in Palamcottah
which began in 1878, when I was enrolled as a
Vakil of the District Court with the privilege of
appearing in all the courts in the Tinnevelly dis-
trict, and moved into Palamcottah for the purpose
of enlarging my practice. Mr. Carr was the Judge
in Tinnevelly at that time. He was vested with
absolute authority to give or refuse a Sanad to
any one wishing to engage in legal practice in the
courts in that district. He had an idea that the
Bar was getting full even then and was, therefore,
very particular about enrolling new practitioners,
sometimes refusing Sanads even to graduates with
B.L. degrees. He was, however, very kind and
considerate in my case and was not only willing
readily to enrol me, but made a little speech from
the Bench on the occasion on which I first appeared
before him, saying that it was a position of great
honour, independence and responsibility to which I
was called and that he felt sure that I would be
worthy of my vocation. This was due to the fact
that I had already made some name for myself at
Tuticorin, but principally to the recommendations
of Mr. Annasamy Mudaliar, then Sub- Judge at

42 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

Palamcottah, who was a friend of my father-in-law,
Mr. Ganapathy Pillai, and took very great interest
in our family. I shall not deal in extenso in this
chapter with my success in the profession, or the
place I took in the public life of the town and
district, as this book is intended to deal mainly with
the religious aspects of my life. From this point of
-view Palamcottah was as full of favouring influences
as Tuticorin had been the contrary.

In the first place, Palamcottah had a large Chris-
tian population amongst whom I reckoned some as
my most intimate friends and well-wishers. My
natural anxiety to earn their goodwill and favoura-
ble opinion kept me from many of the faults into
which I was insensibly gliding at Tuticorin. The
good counsel and the high example of so many men
of good and noble character were an incentive to me
to look more carefully into my own life and to cul-
tivate higher standards of behaviour and conduct.
The Church life, too, in Palamcottah was much more
practical and favourable to piety and high endea-
vour. There were a number of English mission-
aries, who set forth high ideals of public and private
conduct by their discourses and more particularly
by the example of their lives. Bishop Sargent, who
was then at the height of his ability and influence,
was a great figure in Palamcottah. I regularly
attended the services in the Tamil and English
churches and faithfully took down in my note-books
the excellent sermons delivered by Bishop Sargent
and others. In the morning service at the Tamil
Church he invariably preached very valuable ser-
mons, I also took a prominent part in religious and

BISHOP SARGENT? 43

Church meetings and regularly attended the Com-
munion Service once a month. I purchased at this
time a considerable number of religious and devo-
tional books and read them on the Sabbath, a day
which I now faithfully observed. I was friendly
with the missionaries, whose good-will towards me
and approval of my character were further incentives
to spiritual progress. I consider that the individuals
who influenced me most in this period were, among
Englishmen, Bishop Sargent and the Rev. T.
Walker, and among Indians Messrs. Krishna Pillai,
Muthia Pillai, and Mr. Jothinayagam Pillai. I also
moved on terms of intimacy with Mr. J. D.
Savariraya Pillai, Mr. Shunmuga Sundaram Pillai
and other men of my own age.

FRIENDSHIP WITH BISHOP SARGENT

Bishop Sargent arrived in Palamcottah in the
year 1838, and helped substantially to build up the
Church as I found it when I arrived at Palamcottah.
He was regarded and looked up to with reverence,
as the patriarch of the Christian community. He
also evinced a paternal interest and solicitude in the
members of his large family and especially in myself.
He was always very friendly with me : he asked for
and accepted my counsel in important matters and
treated me with very great cordiality and kindness.
On one occasion he invited me to spend a week
with him at Tekkumalai, a hill station four thousand
feet high in the neighbourhood of Courtallam and
I cannot easily forget his cheerful courtesy and
friendliness towards me at that time. Though un-
used to English ways of eating and living, and put

44 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

to some discomfort on that account, I greatly
enjoyed his company and religious conversation.
He sent relays of students to meet and receive me
at different stages on the way, and, when I was
within a mile's distance of the bungalow, he himself
came and welcomed me very warmly and treated me
throughout my trip more as a son or brother than as
a comparative stranger. In later days he always
used to raise his hat when he met me, and treat me
with a degree of respect in other matters which was
regarded as unusual. This was more striking, as in
various questions such as the necessity to give
higher education to Christians, the provision of seats
in the church, the retention of the kudimi and so
forth, I did not see eye to eye with him.

Later on I had the privilege, which I greatly
appreciated-, of spending a week with Mr. Walker as
his guest. Mr. Walker was undoubtedly one of the
ablest and most saintly missionaries, who ever came
to this district, and his name will not be easily forgot-
ten. He was such a learned man in Tamil and Sans-
krit, as well as in several European languages, and
such a powerful preacher, that from the beginning I
entertained very great admiration for him. He, too,
strangely enough always treated me with special
regard and, when he was in Tinnevelly, often sought
my counsel and co-operation in the affairs of the
Church.

APPEAL FOR MISSIONARIES TO WORK AMONG
EDUCATED HINDUS

There were some important events in those days
to which I should make a passing reference* Many

HIGHER EDUCATION 4s

of us were convinced that the missipnaries then in
Palamcottah were not equal to the task of evange-
lising Hindus belonging to the higher castes and
possessing some degree of culture ; and we prepared
a petition to the Home Committee, which was
extensively signed, requesting them to send out men
of better calibre and a higher degree of education.
It was in response to this appeal that a succession
of University men, mainly from Cambridge, were
sent out to Tinnevelly. Messrs. Walker, Finnimore,
Carr, Douglas, Storrs, Scott, Price, Sheldon and
Hawkins came to Palamcottah within the next few
years, and greatly added to the incentives to higher
life in the district. The foundation of a separate
college in the town of Tinnevelly to provide an
advanced education on Christian lines for Hindus
of high caste, and for the growing Christian com- .
munity was also the result of a similar move on our
part. Previously there was no organized means
of reaching the Brahmins and Vellalas in that big
town.

A few missionaries in those days were not in
favour of giving higher education to Christians, for
the ostensible reason that they would take up
secular occupations. Those of us, on the other
hand, who had tasted of the blessing of educations
were very anxious that the further development of
the community should not be stunted in the inter-
est of any particular policy. We pressed hard for
the provision of high schools and colleges through-
out the district. I look back with gratification to
the measures that we then devised, as they have
more than justified themselves in the -tremendous

46 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

advance achieved by the Christian community in
Tinnevelly.

AGITATION AMONG LOCAL CHRISTIANS ABOUT
PEWS, BANNS AND CASTE.

At this time only the English and Indian clergy
had seats in Trinity Church at Palamcottah, and the
rest of us, high and low, were expected to squat on
the ground. The arrangement was probably found
suitable at a time when most of the people who
attended church were subordinate mission em-
ployees ; but it was exceedingly irksome for those of
us, who could obtain seats before any of the higher
officials in the district, to put up with this slight (as
we then thought it) in our own church. Those
among us who had attained to fairly respectable
positions in life applied for chairs in the church.
The authorities thought it would be an invidious
task to provide some men and women with seats
and to ask others to sit down on the floor and so
they provided pews for all, some however of a better
class than others. This arrangement was not
acceptable to the applicants, who had asked for
exceptional treatment and found themselves put on
the same footing as others, so there was a move-
ment to erect a separate church, which, like a similar
attempt which was made later on, when caste titles
were dropped in the publication of banns, fell
through, as it deserved to and as I personally desired
that it .should. Owing to the agitation carried on
by the Rev. J. A. Sharrock of Tuticorin, the Church
authorities suddenly took it into their heads to alter
.the manner in which the banns were called, the

THE CASTE QUESTION 47

caste titles both of the father and son being simul-
taneously left out, so that, for instance, it would be
announced that Muthiah, son of Krishna, was to be
joined in the holy bonds of matrimony with Mary
daughter of K. A. Rajappan. I told the mission-
aries that it was obviously offensive and that not
the contracting parties' titles, only ; but those of their
parents' should also be omitted. I suggested that
the parents' names should be left out altogether,
and that the names of the parties who were to be
married need alone be called out. This sugges-
tion has been adopted since.

The caste question has been agitated again and
again in different forms and with different degrees
of virulence. It cannot yet be said to have been
finally solved. There was, however, a controversy
of a serious nature at this time to which I cannot
omit all reference. A member of the Nadar caste
published a pamphlet in which it was claimed that
all Shanars were Kshatriyas, and that, therefore,
they were higher in the social scale than members
of all castes except the Brahmins. This aroused a
storm of controversy, and one Senthinatha Ayyar, a
Jaffna Brahmin, then in Tinnevelly, replied to this
claim in a book known as Chan Kshatriya Presanda
Mavutham. Though this was written in more or
less sober language, a violent reply was published,
which was entitled Chandinada lyeruku Cherupadi
(' Beating Senthinatha Ayyar with Shoes '), in which
Vellalas were attacked in unmeasured terms. Some
of the leading Vellalas were deeply incensed by this
unwarranted attack and filed a complaint of defama-
tion against the writer, Though I myself was not

48 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

without some feeling of resentment, I was not in
favour of an action being launched, as I feared it.
would merely expose the. dissensions in the Chris-
tian Church to our Hindu neighbours ; but I was
overpowered by the strong feeling of several of my
friends, and, on their behalf, a case was filed and
conducted by me which was successful both in the
two Lower Courts and in the High Court. I may
say here that it has always been my aim to avoid
barriers between Christians and non-Christians and
between different sections of Christians themselves,
and to move on friendly terms with all men, irres-
pective of caste or creed. In those days mission-
aries did their best to prevent all social intercourse
between Christians and the Hindus related to them,
for fear that these Christians might relapse.

The result was that they kept exclusively to
themselves, would not mix with the other Christians
at the behest of the missionaries and were cut off
from all opportunity of influencing their Hindu
relatives. I may add that I have published a
pamphlet which gives expression to my reasoned
conviction that there is no theoretical or historical
justification for caste even in Hinduism, and that
in its present form it is improper and injurious to
society. But the attempt of the missionaries to
kill caste in this country reminded us often of that
more famous attempt of Mrs. Partington to with-
stand the sea with her broom.

About this time there was a movement for sepa- .
rate burial grounds for different families. Myself
and some of my friends acquired plots, which could
be used as private or family vaults, but the mission

MR. WIGRAM'S VISIT 4$

aries refused to have them consecrated 'or to read
burial services at them. Though I purchased i
ground for myself, I have had no occasion to use it,
for I have preferred to have the deceased members
of my family buried in the normal Christian form
with priestly ministrations.

There were also some who did not care to send
their daughters to the Sarah Tucker College to
learn along with girls of all classes, but in this
matter also I took an independent line of my own
and sent my .children for their education to the
college, which happened also to be situated very
close to my own house.

The sober and moderate position that I took up
in these and related matters must have created a
favourable impression upon the missionaries, who
were always friendly towards me and very often
made me preside or take a leading part in mission-
ary gatherings and receptions. I remember, in
particular, organizing a grand reception for Mr.
Wigram, the Home Secretary of the C.M.S,, in my
own compound when he visited Palamcottah in
1886. I have reason to believe that Mr. Wigram
greatly appreciated the splendour of the reception,
and was impressed by the numbers, culture and
ability of Tinnevelly Christians. In particular we
gave him an exhibition of the different kinds of
lyrics in use in this country and the different
methods of preaching employed in the C.M.S.

When the Rev. J. Grubb came to Palamcottah,

I arranged special meetings for him in my bungalow

and invited all the leading Christians and Hindus

in the place to come, when they listened to his

7

50 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

addresses on bt. Paul's conversion. When in the
course of his address he repeated that message,
which St. Paul received on his way to Damascus,
' Saul, Saul, why persecuteth thou me ? ' in his
stentorian voice, accompanying his words with a
stamp with his foot, which sounded like a thunder
clap, there appeared to be a tremor passing
through every one in the hall. The address made
a great impression on all present.

SECTION i EMPLOYMENT AS STANDING VAKIL
UNDER THE ZAMINDAR OF ETTIYAPURAM

FRUSTRATION OF MY PLANS TO VISIT ENGLAND

Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

1 COR. x. 12

I propose now to relate some circumstances which
had an important bearing on my subsequent life.
When I was a student at Madras, I was always
moving on friendly terms with Rev. W. T.
Satyanadhan and the members of his family, and
when their son, Mr. S. afterwards Doctor Satya-
nadhan, returned from England, I had occasion to
stay with them for a few days. Mr. Satyanadhan
gave me such a glowing and attractive description
of life at Cambridge, and dwelt so much on the
advantages of my proceeding to England, that I
made up my mind at his instance to study for the
Bar in England, and for three or four years, reckon-
ing from 1880, I was busy saving up money and,
making preparations for this change in life. How-
ever about the time that I ought to have started for
England, I was put in charge of three very big suits
jn connection with the Ettiyapuram Zamindar

NEW SOUSE 31

which made it impossible for me to realize my
ambition. Domestic circumstances also, for ins-
tance, the birth of a child and the subsequent
illness of my wife, prevented me from starting.
The money that I had laboriously saved up was
utilized by me in building my bungalow, entitled
1 Manorama ' , at Palamcottah. As it occupies a
conspicuous place in the town and is built after
a new and attractive pattern, it drew a great deal of
attention at the time, being one of the best houses
in Palamcottah. From the terrace there is a very
fine view of the Tinneveily temple in the fore-
ground, amidst a forest of leafage, and in the far
distance the Western Ghats are clearly visible and,
in particular, the hill in which the sage Agasthiar
is said to have lived and died. Both English and
Indian visitors to Palamcottah used to come and
look at the house as a matter of curiosity and
express themselves as pleased with it. The dedica-
tion, or house-warming ceremony, of the house was
celebrated in an impressive manner. Both Bishop
Caldwell and Bishop Sargent were present, as well
as all the European missionaries in the station.
The principal officers in the district, as well as
the Zamindar of Ettiyapuram, also graced the occa-
sion with their presence. There was a thanks-
giving service in the morning, followed by a public
entertainment in the evening, which was attended
by all the leading Christians and Hindus in the
district, including Brahmins and non-Brahmins.
This will illustrate the fact that I have always tried
to keep in touch and in free social intercourse with
every community and section in Palamcottah.

$2 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

With a view to study for the Bar I had also pur-
chased the law books, which were included in the
barrister's course and found them of very great
advantage to me in practice. Jurisprudence, which
is the science of law, classifies and arranges the
various branches or departments of law and lays
down the first principles and the relations existing
between them, was in particular very valuable,
especially as I drank at the fountain head and read
Austin's celebrated lectures on the subject. About
this time I also used to wear trousers and shoes
after the English pattern, and began to keep some
of the rooms in my house after the English style.
When it was eventually determined that I could
not go to England I decided to send my sons or
some of them instead. My second son had a brilli-
ant course in, Madras and afterwards for four years
at Cambridge. My third son left after his degree
in Madras for America where he obtained a B.D.
degree and then went to Oxford, where recently
the valuable degree of Doctor of Philosophy has
been conferred on him. My fourth son is also at
the present moment in America, studying special
branches of knowledge.

WHAT I LEARNT FROM THE ZAMINDAR OF
ETTIYAPURAM

Another influence which coloured my life a great
deal was my relationship to the Raja of Ettiya-
puram, When I was a clerk in that place, I was
engaged as a private tutor to the Raja for a few
months, and from that time forwards there has been
continual friendly relationship between him and me..

ME ZAMINDAR OF ETTIYAPURAM 53

When the place of Estate Vakil fell vacant, the
Raja was pleased to give it to me. It made a
great difference in my life, both because it gave me
a permanent income which was available through
all the months of the year and also because it gave
me a special and peculiar status in the district, the
Zamindar of Ettiyapuram being the biggest and
wealthiest landlord in the district and owning about
500 villages in it. All the litigation connected
with the estate was put in my charge, including
two big partition suits which involved several lakhs,
of rupees. For the bigger cases I was allowed to
engage and bring to Tinnevelly leaders of the Bar
at Madras like Mr. Subramania Ayyar and Mr.
Bashyam Ayyangar, but for all other litigation I
was responsible and the Zamindar was so pleased
with my work that he reposed the amplest and most
thorough confidence in me, besides giving me large
fees over and above my monthly retainer.

The Zamindar, who was styled Maharaja by his
subjects, preserved a certain amount of state,
especially while he was at Ettiyapuram, but he was
so friendly with me that he relaxed in my case the
high ceremonial which is ordained by custom.
When he came to Palamcottah he used to pay visits
only to the Collector of the district and to myself.
When I went to his palace at Ettiyapuram, though
it was considered very unusual, he always used to
get up from his seat and came to receive me at the
steps. My relationship with him greatly affected
my habits of life, making me adopt some of the
ways and manners which 1 found useful and practi-
cable in the lives of Zamindars, For -instance, the

M PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

Zamindar always used to give audience in the
evenings to poets and pandits and musicians of note,
appointing a time for them, discoursing with them
on their several subjects and making use of the
interviews to learn something from each of them.
He used to give them handsome presents, if they
were strangers in his estate, and made regular pay-
ments if they were his own subjects or tenants. I
considered that this was a very useful arrangement
and, whenever possible, I have always made myself
accessible to people with any kind of specialised
learning or skill, for the purpose of learning from them
all I can. I still remember the pleasurable astonish-
ment with which I listened to the discourse of
a very learned Sastri, who undertook to expound
to me the principles of Sanskrit rhetoric in two or
three hours' time. What a wonderful memory
these pandits have. They carry in their minds
entire volumes of poetry and sacred literature, and
can spread them out to the delectation of aston-
ished listeners at any time of day or night.

A person in the position of a Zamindar has
naturally a great many more things to do than a
private individual, and has to get a large number of
things done by appropriate deputies. Also the skill
and wisdom of a big landlord consists in the selec-
tion of appropriate agents and in arranging for his
business being done by them. Perhaps I have
made more use of this idea than any other private
person of my acquaintance. Whenever I can get
work done through others, I plan and organize the
work and. lay down rules for their guidance and
mark out their tasks ; but I leave the execution

ACQUIREMENT OF ESTATES 55

absolutely in their hands retaining for myself only
the supervision thereof. The result of this arrange-
ment is that, even though my property is of a com-
plicated nature, lying in different parts of the
district and exceedingly difficult to manage, the
whole of the business connected with it proceeds
like clock-work, even though I may be absent for
months from Palamcottah. The details of office
work are arranged almost with as much pre-
cision and clearness as in a Government office and,
though the work may not always be done with the
highest efficiency (employees having only limited
skill), it has been organized to the best of my
ability and reduced to system and order. .

During my period of office as Estate Vakil I had
opportunities of observing the advantages resulting
from the system of impartible tenures appertaining
to big estates like Ettiyapuram. It does not
get partitioned into small lots with every step in
the devolution of the family ; but remains intact,
permitting the owner of it to maintain himself in a
higher degree of influence and power and to support
his relations and dependents and to give away large
amounts to charitable and public purposes. I was
myself smitten with the desire to obtain an estate
similar in tenure, and the Ettiyapuram Zamindar
lent me a sum of Rs. 20,000 to enable me to pur-
chase such an estate. My negotiations to acquire
that kind of property, however, were not successful
and the money I had saved and taken on loan were
invested in the salt factory which now yields me
Rs. 6,000 a year. A little later, I became mortgagee
and practical owner of seven villages in Mannar-

56 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

kotai Zamin and continued in that position for over
twenty years and had an idea of acquiring the pro-
perties for myself, but the Zamindar has recently
redeemed the mortgage so that that object also
I was unable to attain. However, I was able to
acquire two other villages, one of which I hold
under an Inam title and the other is a smaller estate
cut out of the Utumalai Zamin, so that at the pre-
sent moment I am described both as an Inamdar
and a Mittadar in the books of the Collector. As
I came to be regarded as an expert in the law
relating to impartible estates and that concerning
the relationship of landlord and the tenant, other
Zamindars in the district also became my permanent
clients largely increasing the volume of my practice.

COLLABORATION WITH SIR SUBBRAMANI AYYAR
AND SIR V. BASHYAM AYYANGAR

An indirect advantage that I derived from being
the Raja's Vakil was my close and intimate
acquaintance with Mr., afterwards Sir Subbramani
Ayyar, who was then one of the leading Vakils in
the High Court of Madras and subsequently one
of the Judges there. He was a deeply religious
and spiritually-minded gentleman with charming
and agreeable manners and innate nobility and
dignity. He practised high thinking and plain
living and always advocated moderation in all
things. His spirit was one that that took in the
best that was available in the East and the West
and fusing it in the life. At his suggestion I
built a house for myself at Kodaikanal on the
Palani Hills, which was of great benefit to me

KINDNESS OF A RAJA 57

physically and spiritually. Though I am not able
to occupy that bungalow now, it being at an
elevation too high for a person of my age, I
have been occupying for ten or twelve years the
commodious and the beautiful bungalow, called
' Woodcot ' in the neighbourhood of Kodaikanal,
which was built by Dr. Subbramanya Ayyar himself.
It stands in the midst of a very large area of
woodland, nearly 200 acres in extent with several
waterfalls and picturesque trees and jiews. I have
often had the benefit of discussing religious and
philosophical questions with him, and found that
he had always something original, bright or stimu-
lating to say, so that I came back profited and
edified by my interviews with him. Sir V. Bashyam
Ayyangar, his great contemporary, who also after-
wards became a Judge of the High Court, was
likewise engaged by me for some Ettiyapuram
cases. He was a lawyer, pure and simple, but a
lawyer who brought to bear the deepest and pro-
foundest analytic skill and thinking upon his cases,
and spared no pains to look at them from all
possible points of view, so that he might deal with
them from that one which was most advantageous.
From him also I obtained inspiration for my work
as a lawyer, though in other matters there was little
in common between us.

Before I. pass on I may mention, descending from
great things to small, that the Raja bestowed one
of his servants upon me. He has continued with
me for more than forty-three years. He has
accompanied me faithfully wherever I have gone
and has given me the most intelligent, devoted and
8

58 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

patient service that a servant can yield to his
master. When I travel or go to other places he
saves me all trouble as he .knows my ways so well.

I have already said that I was insensibly gliding
into the habits and ways of Zamindars and adopting
their ways of living and behaviour. When I was
in middle life, for instance, I purchased an original
type of carriage with a top somewhat like that of
an ornamental palanquin but exceptionally beauti-
ful : When harnessed with my cream-coloured
horse, the turnout presented a very stylish appear-
ance. I had occasion to purchase a saree worth a
thousand rupees, but on the very first Sunday on
which my wife wore it for church, the Clergyman
there happened -to preach against luxury and
frivolity in dress and so she refused to wear it any
longer more especially as it was very heavy. Arti-
cles of luxury, for which I had no use before, like
gold and silver jewels and vessels, guns, revolvers,
daggers, and other things which I acquired involve
me in a considerable departure from the original
simplicity with which I started life.

I sometimes like to contrast my early life at
Palamcottah with the conditions in which I live at
present. After my conversion I had occasion to
; spend a few months at Palamccttah and found it
difficult to get any employment for myself. Mr.
Gregory, then Superintendent of Post Offices in
the district, employed me. as a volunteer in the
office at Palamcottah but I received no remunera-
tion for my services. I stayed in the houses of
friends and on two occasions, when I fell seriously
ill, I felt that I was being neglected an$ that there

VISITS tO tilLL STATIONS 59

was no one to take care of me. When I compare
with that condition the comfortable .circumstances
in which I have lived in Palamcottah throughout
the rest of my life and all the luxuries and pleasures
now at my command, lam filled with infinite thank-
fulness to Him who said that * he that for sake th
father, or mother or brother or sister fqr my sake
shall be abundantly blessed in this life and receive
a crown of righteousness in the next.'

SECTION 2 VISITS TO HILL STATIONS

We know that all things work together for good to them
that love God. Romans viii. 28.

Between 1875 and 1890 I was drifting into a
secular or worldly view of things and subjected to
many temptations by the world, the flesh and the
devil, though I was still regular in my private
devotions and public observances. My great aim
during this period was to make a splash in life,
build up a family and fortune and take a prominent
and leading part in public life. I built a substantial
house for myself and was very proud of the
encomiums lavished upon it by others. I attended
the National Congresses held in Madras in 1886
and in Bombay in 1888, and purchased lands
and villages in various corners of the district. A
change, . however, came over me after 1890 and
made me anxious to retire from business and to
devote myself entirely .to religious service. The
principal factors . in bringing about this change in
life were certain ailments from which I suffered
and my visits to the hill stations.

60 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVfeRf

SERIOUS ILLNESS AND CONSEQUENT

HEART SEARCHING

In 1890 my best client, who was also as already
mentioned the patron to whom I looked up for the
betterment of my worldly prospects, namely, the
Zamindar of Ettiyapuram died, at the early age of
thirty-three, of diabetes. This came as a great
shock to me as I had been intimately associated
with him for about twelve years. The Zamindar
had always reposed complete confidence in my
advice, as I took the greatest possible trouble in
connexion with his work, and I was treated
more as a friend than as his man of business and
lawyer. I went to Ettiyapuram when he was in a
dangerous condition and was present at the funeral
ceremony ; but was so much affected by the event
that I myself fell seriously ill, so much so indeed
that my very life was in danger for some time.
During the long period of convalascence nearly
a month that followed, I had opportunities of
reviewing my past life, and realizing that my early
spiritual enthusiasm and fervour had vanished and
that I had gradually slid into a state of worldliness
and secularism. It was a period of much searching
of heart and sincere contrition and repentance with
me, and this and a permanent ailment which
attacked me not long after made me revise my
ideals and hark back to my early spiritual aims and
aspirations. From and after the year 1895, I con "
sidered that my main purpose in life was something
higher than to make money, or to win a great
name, and I felt that it was my duty to retire
altogether from business and public activities so

Tkli>S TO HILL STATIONS 61

that I might devote myself to the ministry and
service of God. Though I was not able to achieve
my object at once, I esteem it a great privilege and
blessing that my mind became slowly prepared for
it by prayer and meditation, and that I was enabled
to retire altogether in the year 1901, after about
twenty-five years strenuous activity as a member of
the legal profession.

TRIPS TO HILL STATIONS AND THEIR
EFFECT ON MY CHARACTER AND LIFE

Of even greater service in bringing about this
change in my life was a series of visits paid by me
to the hill stations. I went twice to Ootacamund,
the first time I think in 1886 and the second in
1890, and later on in 1896 I built a house for
myself at Kodaikanal, after paying a preliminary
visit to that hill station in 1894. From 1896 on-
wards I have regularly spent a month or two at
Kodaikanal or its suburb, Shenbaganoor, and
since my retirement as much as three months
every year in one or other of these places. It may
be an indication of the change in my point of view,
that I called the first house which I built in
Palamcottah, in 1886, ' Manorama,' which means
happiness or contentment and the second one at
Kodaikanal (built in 1896) ' Ebenezer ', which
signifies ' stone or monument of God's help.' The
third house that I had occasion to erect in 1906,
is at Courtallam and, as I had then come to realize
some of the peace which a religious life alone can
give, I called it * Shanthi Sadhan ' or Peace Lodge.

32 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVMf

The only houses I have erected since then have
been two churches or houses of God in my two
villages of Rajapudukudy and Sembankulam.

I have always been peculiarly sensitive to the
beauties of landscape and scenery, which lift one's
thoughts insensibly from Nature up to Nature's
God and enables one to realize the sublimity and
majesty of the Divine Being. During my two
visits to Ootacamund I scarcely ever stayed at home,
except during meal times. I was out nearly the
whole day, exploring every pathway and recess
on the hills, and drinking in both health and the
beauty of the scenery with every breath I took.
The fresh air gave me a feeling of exhilaration and
joy and made me thankful for life and all the
blessings it brought and, whenever I climbed to
some hill top or other coign of vantage, I sat down
to meditate and pray to Him who had spread and
unfolded His majesty on those hills. I came back
not merely brighter and better physically for the
change but spiritually a new man. During my
first visit certain Salvation Army Officers were
holding meetings at Ootacamund and these I
diligently attended. Their fervour and piety and the
great sacrifices they had made in the cause of God,
their inspiring addresses and their hearty friendli-
ness .moved me greatly. The Salvation Army was
then new to India and I was greatly touched by
their songs and meetings and by their manner of
living. Some of the songs that I then learnt used
to be on my lips for many years, and one of them
in particular often comes back to me after the lapse
of -thirty-two summers.

CONVENTIONS AT KODAIKANAL 63

I remember that Commissioner Booth Tucker,
who was then in supreme command of the Army's
operations in India, delivered such a powerful
address that I was almost induced to go to the
penitential form and take the vow of a soldier, re-
nouncing all my property and family. I am not
sorry that I did not make the renunciation, as God
in his mercy has been pleased to bless my subse-
quent life in a marvellous manner, and especially
my life after' retirement, as I shall relate later on.

When I visited Kodaikanal in 1894 an ^ 1896 and
the succeeding years, I made it a point to attend
the conferences and conventions that are held every
year in the American Mission Church and I am
greatly indebted to them for my further progress
in spiritual life. Kodaikanal, as distinguished from
Ootacamund, is largely a missionary settlement
and a visitor to the former hill station obtains the
opportunity of meeting some of the best men
labouring for Christ in South India and gathers
in blessing and strength from them. All or most
of them attend the Conferences and Conventions
just mentioned, and each year half a dozen special
speakers expatiate upon their personal religious
experiences and pass on their blessing to .others.
I used to take notes of some of the addresses there
given and then compare them with my own ex-
perience. - Until then I knew of the normal life
which a Christian ought to lead a life of renuncia-
tion and piety, of strict self-examination and
careful walk before God. But it was at these
meetings that I came to learn that it was equally
the duty and privilege of every Christian to live the

64 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

overflowing life in which a man not only receives
blessing and peace and joy for himself, but passes
it on anxiously and gladly to those around him. I
came in contact with men like Dr. Eddy, Dr.
Larsen, and Mr. Pakenham Walsh (lately Bishop
of Assam), and was greatly influenced by the other-
worldly and self-sacrificing lives of these sons of
God and was determined in some measure, accord-
ing to my ability and strength, to imitate them.

RETIREMENT FROM BUSINESS

I was not able, however, to give effect to my
purpose when I was still in business. In the home
circle and among my own children I made attempts
to communicate some of my ideas and awaken them
to a more serious life ; but any continuous endea-
vour or ministry while I was still in practice was
out of the question. The life of a lawyer with all
its worries and anxieties and its constant exposure
to the seamy and disagreeable side of life had
become distasteful to me. I felt that I had done
enough for the worldly comfort and prosperity of
my family and children. My advancing age and
ailments already referred to confirmed me, by God's
good grace, in my determination to retire from
business, This I did in 1901 and I have never
since regretted the step. The loss of income did
not affect me, as under the blessing of God there
was enough for myself and the members of my
family to live in comfort and without anxiety. The
freedom from incessant work and worry, the escape
from constant travelling and, in its place the ability
to spend three months at Kodaikanal and three in.

AFTER RETIREMENT 65

Courtaliam in occupations that were congenial to
me, above all, the liberty, without interference from
the world, to indulge in meditation and prayer to my
heart's content have given me a degree of peace
and happiness in the evening of my life, which I
never anticipated, but which has been granted me
as an additional and crowning mercy for which I
am ever grateful. My health instead of 'declining
or failing suddenly has continually improved.
Though I have had a few periods of illness, now and
then, none of them has given me any reason for
real anxiety.

I now propose briefly to recapitulate some of the
ways in which I have been exerting myself since
the time of my retirement. The first question that I
put to myself, after I stopped practice, was, ' Why
did I become a Christian and am I accomplishing the
purpose I had then in view, namely, the salvation
of my soul ? ' When I searched myself and
reviewed the events of my career from this stand-
point, I became convinced that my life had greatly
deviated from its true course. I knew that it could
not have been part of God's plan that I should
forget Him and become immersed in the details of
business. My conscience, that inner monitor whose
voice we constantly hear behind us, told me that it
could not have been for the attainment of wealth or
pride of place among my fellowmen, that God had
called me, but that like every other detail of His
handiwork I must have been made and converted
in order that I might witness or minister to others
and thereby glorify His holy name. Doubts came
into my mind even with regard to my reconciliation
9

66 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

with God. I wanted to cultivate a conscience void
of offence towards God and man and make sure of
my own personal salvation ; if not also of those who
looked up to me. I wanted, in a word, to be in
perfect peace with God. This desire, in a special
manner, my retired life has enabled me to realize,
and for this I am ever grateful to Him who is the
Author of all grace,

CHAPTER VI

LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT
SECTION i CHRISTIAN EVANGELISM

He that watereth shall be watered also himself. Prov. xi. 25

A TRIBUTE TO MR. WALKER

THERE are many persons who do not know when
to retire and whom no warnings, administered to
them by their physical condition and no calls
received from their spiritual nature, will divert
them from the ordinary humdrum life of business
and money making. There are others, who after
retirement either slide into such hopeless indolence
as" to shorten their lives, or take on new activities
and pursuits, which instead of giving them the
needed rest add to their anxieties and weakness.
I am thankful to God that in both these respects
I was able to follow the course of moderation, and
I must here confess that it was in part due to the
counsels and good example of the Rev. T. Walker
that I decided to retire in the fifty-third year of my
life. I have already shown how my mind was prepared
for it by the trials through which I had passed in
the previous decade. I believe Mr. Walker's action
in giving up the reins of power as the Superintend-
ing Missionary of the C.M.S., in the district of
Tinnevelly, when he was in the zenith of his influ-
ence and ability, and his retiring to the comparative
obscurity of Pannavalai, where with a band of

68 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

workers chosen by him he continued directly to
appeal to the hearts of the Christians and the Hindus
in the neighbourhood, was most potent with me.
I was always specially attached to Mr. Walker,
because he was one of the earliest missionaries who
came to Tinnevelly as a result of our petition to the
C.M.S. Home authorities and I was also attracted
by his life and character. His high ideals of
spiritual life revolutionized the proceedings of the
C.M.S. after his arrival. He refused to be a
member of the English Club as the lives of some of
its members were not as spiritual or elevated as he
desired. He discountenanced the habit of helping
with funds litigant Christians and Christian indivi-
duals. He also took severe notice of people within
the Christian Church, who had moral failings such
as drunkenness or peculation and had them put out
of the Church. His Bible classes, which were
largely attended by Christians and Hindus alike,
form a landmark in my life and gave me a new idea
of the Christian call. After my retirement I spent
a week with him at Pannavalai and afterwards at
Donavur. On one occasion in the church he gave
two chairs, one for myself and one for Mr. Jothi-
nayagam Pillai, while he himself sat in the centre
of the crowd on the floor. This instance of humility
made a very great impression upon me, as well as
the brilliant address that he gave, when one Veera-
badra Pillai, a convert under our protection, was
baptized by him, the ceremony being followed by a
very impressive address on the text ' Christ is my
life,' which I may. say was his watchword through-
out his career. Two other gentlemen who influenced

' PREACHING TOURS 69

my life a great deal at this time were Messrs. Jothi-
nayagam Pillai and Sundara Sastrigal and I shall
refer to them in the appropriate places.

PREACHING TOURS

In the first year of my retirement I had the pri-
vilege along with Mr. T. A. Jothinayagam Pillai, of
spending a week at Donavur with the 'Rev. T.
Walker. It was to me a period of spiritual refresh-
ment and joy, not merely because I had uninter-
rupted communion with that sainted missionary,
but also on account of the frequent opportunities
I had of testifying to Hindus. Our plan was to
appoint a place in one of the surrounding villages
and send notices to the intelligent and high caste
Hindus residing there to meet us. I witnessed in
this manner in several villages, speaking mainly
about my conversion and the incidents of my
spiritual experience. They invariably listened
with the utmost attention and patience. My talk
was sometimes followed by a discussion, in which
I tried to meet their objections and to carry the
argument in favour of Christianity a little further.

Another preaching tour lasted nearly two weeks
and was undertaken in the company of the Rev.
E. A. Douglas, missionary of the C.M.S., since
retired. A man of an enthusiastic temperament and
with a great gift for friendship, he threw himself
heart and soul into the business before us and called
on nearly every important educated man in the
towns of Ambasamudram, Tenkasi, and in one or
two of the adjacent villages, which we visited for
the purpose of getting heart-to-heart discourses on

70 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

the subject of religion. Although the clubs in the
above two towns are never used for religious discus-
sions, the managers on this occasion placed them
freely at our disposal. We delivered a few ad-
dresses to the members, according them at the
same time full liberty to ask us questions. We had
some very interesting discussions with them on
religious topics. We also visited some of the rich
landlords in the neighbourhood, such as the Zamin-
dar of Singampathi, the Zamindar of Urkad, and
Pasulinga Tevar, and they not only gave us every
latitude during our interview to give the conversa-
tion a profitable turn, but also professed to be
interested in what we had said.

CHRISTMAS WEEK EVANGELISM

This plan which I commenced immediately after
my retirement was followed by me during the
succeeding twelve years, chiefly at Christmas time,
in the different parts ' of the district. I could not
of course ask Mr. Walker or Mr. Douglas to follow
me in my various peregrinations, but Mr. T. A.
Jothinayagam Pillai, my friend and next door
neighbour, who, like me, had given up his business
and was intent on spending the remainder of his
days in the service of his Master, and seemed,
therefore, specially selected by Divine providence
to be my companion and colleague, accompanied
me in these expeditions and helped me by ,his pre-
sence and counsel. There were others also who
joined us from time to time, and Christmas week,
instead of being a season of hilarious festivity and
merry-making as before, was the most fruitful and

AUTHORSHIP 71

joyous of seasons in the year, though it now took
an ascetic or self-denying character and became
crowded with engagements. Some of the seed
thus sown on the way side has subsequently shewed,
signs of life.

THE PUBLICATION OF '"WHY I BECAME A

CHRISTIAN '

In the course of these tours, during which I
delivered numerous addresses mainly drawn from
my own experience, it occurred to me that I might
be making myself useful to a wider circle if I could
put the incidents of my life together succinctly in
the form of a book and distribute it. With the
assistance of Mr. Jothinayagam Pillai, who combined
considerable erudition in Tamil with sincere and
fervent piety, I soon completed my book Why I
Became a Christian, which won the approval of
several people to whom I showed it. I then pub-
lished it and circulated it free. I am since rejoiced to
find that the ministry of this book has been greatly
blessed. Some have come to me as enquirers,
whose minds were first set athinking by the perusal
of this humble effort of mine ; and many more
still have written to me professing to have been
greatly helped and strengthened by it.

The first edition of this book was published and
circulated "at my own expense, but the second edi-
tion which is also now exhausted was kindly under-
taken by the Christian Literature Society. It was
suggested to me that a smaller edition of the same
book might be useful to a wider circle of readers
than the original publication, and accordingly I

72 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

brought out an abbreviation of the same book, of
which 6,000 copies were struck off, of which 3,000
were purchased from me and sold by a Trichinopoly
missionary, called Mr. Johnson, while the remain-
ing 3,000 are being circulated free, as before, In
this district.

MY OTHER WRITINGS

I was so much encouraged by the success of this
my first effort at authorship that I have since
written various pamphlets and tracts the names of
which I give below :

1. Idolatry Refuted.

2. Holy Life.

3. Pilgrim Life.

4. The Origin of Caste.

5. Athma Gnana Bothini.

6. Vanaprastham.

7. Letters to relations and friends about

Salvation.

8. A brief Sketch of the Life of Vidvan H. A.

Krishna Pillai.

9. Good Death-bed Testimony of Mr. T. A.

Jothinayagam Pillai.

Some of these are intended for the use of Christians
and others for Hindus, and I have reason to believe
that all alike have been means of blessing to some
of their readers. I have prepared a booklet entitled
The Eternal Christ. Through the kind assistance
of the Rev. H. A. Popley, the Evangelistic Forward
Movement Committee has approved of it and under-
taken to have it published through the Christian
Literature Society. I have agreed to purchase

1

-S ,,,

" v

H. A. KRISHNA PILL AY,
The Tamil Poet.

THE INDIAN MISSIONARY SOCIETY 73

1000 copies for free distribution. It is now printed
and awaiting publication. I may also refer to stray
articles on subjects of religious interest in papers
like the Church Missionary Intelligencer and the
I. M.S. Magazine.

For the benefit of my health I am in the habit of
spending three months every year 'at Kodaikanal
and three at Courtallam where I have a small
cottage. The season spent at Kodaikanal is to me
a period of spiritual as well as physical refreshment
and renovation, but at Courtallam I try to make
myself useful to others. I used for many years to
arrange church services in the small chapel of the
station for all the Christians in Tenkasi and follow
them up with a short address of my own. Latterly
the service has been held in my own little cottage and
has been attended not merely by members of my
family but also by other Christians who may happen
to be visiting Courtallam for the season. Here also
I finish up with a short address. I do not know
whether others have been benefited by my service
and ministry, but, at least, I can say that it gives
real joy and strength to myself thus to serve the
Lord in the evening of my life. I may add that
whenever possible I call -upon leading Hindu
visitors to Courtallam and take advantage of their
comparative leisure while there to inculcate spiritual
truths in their minds.

THE FOUNDATION OF THE INDIAN MISSIONARY

SOCIETY

The foundation of the Indian Missionary Society

has been another splendid opportunity for service.
10

H. A. KRISHNA PILL AY,
The Tamil Poet,

THE INDIAN MISSIONARY SOCIETY 73

1000 copies for free distribution. It is now printed
and awaiting publication. I may also refer to stray
articles on subjects of religious interest in papers
like the Church Missionary Intelligencer and the
I. M.S. Magazine.

For the benefit of my health I am in the habit of
spending three months every year 'at Kx)daikanal
and three at Courtallam where I have a small
cottage. The season spent at Kodaikanal is to me
a period of spiritual as well as physical refreshment
and renovation, but at Courtallam I try to make
myself useful to others. I used for many years to
arrange church services in the small chapel of the
station for all the Christians in Tenkasi and follow
them up with a short address of my own. Latterly
the service has been held in my own little cottage and
has been attended not merely by members of my
family but also by other Christians who may happen
to be visiting Courtallam for the season. Here also
I finish up with a short address. I do not know
whether others have been benefited by my service
and ministry, but, at least, I can say that it gives
real joy and strength to myself thus to serve the
Lord in the evening of my life. I may add that
whenever possible I call -upon leading Hindu
visitors to Courtallam and take advantage of their
comparative leisure while there to inculcate spiritual
truths in their minds.

THE FOUNDATION OF THE INDIAN MISSIONARY

SOCIETY

The foundation of the Indian Missionary Society
has been another splendid opportunity for service.
10

74 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

Strange to say there was a good deal of opposition
on the part of the missionaries in the district and
mission employees to this worthy project, chiefly
on the ground that it would affect the income of the
Church, but some of us, including Mr. (now Bishop)
Azariah, were convinced that the time had arrived
for the Tinnevelly Church to make itself responsible
for direct evangelistic effort and we, therefore, met
week after week in the Mission Rest House oppo-
site Edward & Co.'s premises and prayed for
several months regularly for God's guidance and
blessing on our project. The Rev. T. Walker
helped us at this stage and brought over the other
missionaries to our side, and in order to enlist and
maintain their interest, we gave the Missionaries
prominent places in our committees and councils
and induced them to exhort all the Churches under
their control to subscribe to the Mission. I need
not say that the blessing and favour of God have
rested in abundant measure on this effort, started in
His name and for His glory and that the movement
has amply justified itself. From its inception down
to the present day I have regarded it as a privilege
that I have been able to give it much of my time
and thought. Besides regularly attending the
meetings of the Executive Committee of which I am
President, I have used the annual meeting as an
occasion for throwing out suggestions as to some
new line of development or new type of service,
which could be adopted in connection with the
Mission. The office bearers, the Treasurer and
Secretary and the missionaries often come to consult
with me about various matters connected with their

SUPPORT OF CATBGHISTS 75

work and in this way also I have been able to be of
some small service to the Society. After my retire-
ment I acquired a village called Sambankulam or
Subbiahpuram in the Tenkasi Taluk. When I
purchased it, it was involved in litigation, both the
Zamindar and the tenants giving the greatest possi-
ble trouble to the Mittadar or owner of the .village.
A series of law-suits had to be instituted and
fought up to the High Court ; but by the blessing
of God all these actions ended successfully and the
village is now in a settled condition. As I acquired
this property after my retirement, I have cohsidered
it proper to devote the income derived from it
entirely to God's service, except such as may be
wanted for the improvements of the village itself
and the payment of taxes and rents. I have erected
a church in the village which was dedicated for
Divine worship by the Rt. Rev. Bishop Waller.
Some portion of the proceeds of the property is
sent annually to the Indian Missionary Society.
Latterly I discovered that the purchase of a piece
of land near Dornakal, the headquarters of the
Indian Missionary Society in the Nizam's Domi-
nions for a sum of Rs. 400 or 500, would constitute
a permanent or perpetual endowment for a catechist
to be employed in that Mission. Accordingly I
have been able out of the income of Subbiahpuram
permanently to support some catechists in the
Nizam's Dominions. During the recent famine,
the poor people in Dornakal wanted pecuniary help
to tide them through the period of distress and I
have been able to assist them from the income of
the village. It is rather a curious circumstance' that

76 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

out of the income of this village, which is dedicated
(as its name indicates) by the Uttumalai Zamindar
with certain fixed charges to the Hindu god
Subramania Swami, the earliest object of my devo-
tion, I am able to help Missions in such distant
places. I am also glad to think that soon after the
formation of the Indian Missionary Society of
Tinnevelly, I helped along with Dr. Eddy and
others in planning and organizing for the whole of
India, a comprehensive inter-denominational Society,
called the National Missionary Society, on whose
Council I have always been a member besides being
a regular contributor to its funds.

MY WORK AMONG PROSPECTIVE CONVERTS

Another opportunity of service of which I have
diligently availed myself is the entertainment and
teaching of the inquirers who were likely subse-
quently to become converts to Christianity. Even
before my retirement several of these were my
guests, sometimes for long periods, but I was not
then able to attend much to their spiritual require-
ments, or to give them any systematic teaching. I
am glad to think that after my retirement I have been
able to spend more time with them and to supervise
their study and enquiry more carefully, though I
have not always been able for family reasons to
entertain them in my own house. I set apart an
hour in the afternoon (usually 3 to 4. p.m.) for this
work, and employ it in drawing out . their mind
and conscience, examining them upon what they
had read and directing their thought in the most
fruitful charmels. , . In all these .matters my. spiritual

CONVERSION OF SERVANTS 77

friend and brother in Christ, Mr. T. A. Jothina-
yagam Pillai, was of the greatest assistance to me.
The main work of teaching and entertaining the en-
quirers was cheerfully undertaken by him as he had
even more leisure than I had. These converts have
come from all castes and are of many types and
dealing with them has given me an insight into
their ordinary difficulties and the normal history of
the inquiring mind.

CONVERSION OF SOME OF MY SERVANTS

t

No man it has been said is a hero to his valet.
Our domestic servants often watch us during
moments when we keep least guard over ourselves
and are, therefore, as a class not easily reached by
the influences of religion. All the same we cannot
help feeling that one of the principal opportunities of
our lives is being carelessly lost, if we take no steps
to help them and change their lives for the better,
I have, therefore, made it a point to address myself
to them, just as I do to others, in the matter of
religion. The fact that most of them have been
with me for long periods and grown grey in my
service has helped me. A woman servant, who
was with us for over forty years and helped to bring
up each of my children in succession, was baptized
five or six years before she died. She was a
'changed woman in many respects and she exhibited
much greater control over' her tongue and temper
than she did before her conversion. She had such
confidence in me that she left her savings which
amounted to a considerable sum to be distributed
by -me* which I did to the advantage of the members

78 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

of... her family and for some Christian charities.
Three other women servants were also baptized, of
whom two are very good Christians. My faithful
man servant who has served me with loyalty and
devotion for forty-five years is not yet converted ; but
is disposed to hear the Word and jo'ins in our family
worship. One of my gardeners, who was with us
for over fifteen years, became a Christian with his
entire family and continues to attend the offices of
the Church with devoutness and regularity.

THE CONVERSION OF MY SISTER

I have also made serious efforts at different times
to bring home the truths of the Gospel to my near
relations. My sister Maragadam (Emerald) is the
only person who responded to my appeals. She
became a Christian with her three children and
these have all been abundantly blessed of God in
their different walks of life.

THE ATTITUDE OF THE OTHER MEMBERS OF
MY FAMILY TO CHRISTIANITY

Both my parents were of a serious turn of mind
and I am firmly convinced that though they did not
become Christians, I shall meet them in the other
world and continue the good offices which I tried
to do to them in this life. My father in particular
quite outgrew the popular conceptions of Hinduism'
and built up for himself a form of Saiva mysticism,
one feature of which was the frequent recitation of
the sacred formula ' Saravana Bhava.' My discus-
sions with him had, at least, this effect that on his
death-bed., .he confessed that Christ was the Sow of

FAMILY AFFAIRS 79

God and the Saviour of mankind. My brothers
listened willingly to whatever I had to say to them,
but were not prepared to make the great sacrifice
for the sake of Christ. My youngest brother came
at my request and lived in my compound for over a
year, receiving religious instruction from me and
others, but eventually saw that the standard of
conduct expected by Christianity was too high for
him and he could never hope to live up to it. It
may not be uncharitable for me here to mention
that, while myself and my converted sister together
with our children have in every respect been abund-
antly blessed, those who had not the boldness or
the loyalty to truth necessary for an open change of
faith have either remained as they were, uneducated
and in comparatively poor circumstances or have
suffered greatly. It is a matter of life-long regret
to me that they cared more for the world that
perisheth than for the things that really matter.

Long before the period of my retirement I
addressed myself to the members of my family and
tried to awaken their conscience and instil into them
higher ideals of duty and religious conduct. I
entreated them to examine all religions and select
what appeared to them to be really true and good,
assuring them that their selection would in no way
interfere with the cordiality of my relations with
them. After the year 1900 I redoubled my attempts
to improve their character and spiritual growth and,
though I cannot claim 'to have succeeded complete-
ly. My five children are as different from one
another in spiritual height as the five fingers of my
hand ? but this at least can be stated that they are

SO PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

decorous and orderly in their outward behaviour and
regular in -performing their devotions in public
and private. My wife was always a very staunch
Protestant, with a firm hold on fundamentals and a
character and life in consonance with her orthodox
belief, and she has co-operated with me heartily in
every attempt that I have made to improve the tone
of the family,

THE FRIENDSHIP OF RAO BAHADUR
A. SUNDARA SASTRIAL

I made it a point to visit many educated Hindus
of my acquaintance in Tinnevelly, Palamcottah and
Vannarpet, and to induce them to think about their
souls and the claims of Christ, in respect of His
Incarnation, Atonement and' Resurrection, to be
the Saviour of the world. I was always warmly
welcomed and treated kindly. I cannot claim that
many of them displayed real interest in their own
spiritual welfare. In the case of most of them, I
discovered that except for performing certain reli-
gious ceremonies in a more or less perfunctory
manner and observing the rules of their caste, they
knew little of their own religion and were entirely
ignorant of its deeper and more mystical truths.
Rao Bahadur A. Sundra Sastrial, whose early death
was recently lamented, was a particular friend of
mine and a brilliant exception to the general rule.
He was a sincere and genuine man of high ideals
and exemplary conduct and had made researches
into the sacred books of the Hindus and cultivated
Yoga, He was the Government Vakil of Tinnevelly
for many years and in that capacity earned the

A BRAHMIN FRIEND , v . 81

regard and goodwill both of the officials and non-
officials there. When I was President of the local
club he was the Secretary, and we used to be thrown
into each other's society and had frequent occasion to
exchange our thoughts and ideas to our mutual
benefit. As I had then retired from business, I used
to consult him about all public questions -and all
problems connected with the management of my
estate, and always received from him kindly and
invaluable advice and assistance. He conducted
some suits for me and, in particular, his able and
powerful argument before the District Munsiff of
Ambasamudram, in connection with the litigation
relating to Subbiahyapuram, decided the fate of that
suit in my favour and I have ever since been able to
enjoy the village in peace. Although a Brahmin he
lived with me at Kodaikanal during one or two sum-
mer vacations, getting his food prepared in a separate
kitchen. A generous and very liberal-minded man,
.he was one of the useful and permanent influences
in my life during this period and I gladly acknow-
ledge my obligations to him. I used to discuss
religious matters with him and learnt a good deal
in. the process. He, together with Sankara Sastrial
with whom also I had long and fruitful conversa-
tions, may be taken as types of the Smartha School
of thought. The former explained the doctrine of
Maya, which, as a practical man, I always found it
difficult to believe, as meaning that the only Real
thing in existence was God and that all other things,
men and the universe were transitory and unreal
compared with Him or at least less real than He
was. This is a point of view which appealed to me
11

82 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

as well as his position (also held by others) that
Smarthas are bound to worship God everywhere,
even in a Christian church no less than in a Hindu
temple. He also tried to avoid the immoral asso-
ciations connected with' the story of Krishna's
amours with the Gopis by giving the legend an
allegorical meaning. The Gopis 1 according to him
were all Rishis in previous births and the story or
allegory was meant to illustrate, under an earthly
figure, the tender love which arises between the soul
of the devotee and the object of its worship, and the
fact that this love is not the monopoly of a single
devotee; but that it is shared simultaneously by
all his worshippers.

STUDY OF SAIVISM AND CONTACT WITH
SAIVITE LEADERS

I was even more interested in the Saiva system
and, whenever a distinguished Saiva preacher or
lecturer came to Palamcottah, I made it a point to
listen to his discourses and, if possible, to discuss
religious questions with him afterwards in private.
I remember in particular Vedachala Swamy of
Madras, Mr. Ponnambalam Pillai of Trevandram,
Gurunatha Sastry of Ettiyapuram, Vairavanatha
Pillai of Kulasekarapatnam, and ,Sri Sivagnana
Yogi of Virudupatti, with all of whom I have had
the privilege of conversing. Mr. Vairavanatha
Pillai of Kulasekarapatnam, a well-known preacher
of Saiva Sidhantism, with whom I had the advantage
of discussing the principles of that form of faith,

1 The concubines of Krishna, an incarnation of the Hindu god
Vishnu..

THE SAlVA SYSTEM 83

paid ' me the compliment of saying that I really
understood it better than most Sidhantists of his
acquaintance and that, in his opinion, on account of
my attainments and knowledge, I could be reckoned
a ' Jeevan Muktha.'

The Saiva system has many attractive features :
it emphasises the oneness of God and has worked
out in detail the relation of the individual soul with
God, both being regarded as separate entities. It
also provides for the ecstatic or rapturous contemp-
lation and love of the Heavenly One by the devotee.
Sin is regarded as coeval with God and as a thing
which can be got rid of only by the attainment of
Moksha (Redemption), which moreover is not
regarded as attainable only after eighty-four million
births, but can be reached as the reward of a single
life of self-discipline and virtue.

Some learned Christian authors regard the
Sidhanta system as the nearest approach to Christ-
ianity in Hinduism : Siva, his son Subramania
(who is even more an object of devotion with
Hindus than Siva himself) and Uma, corresponding
respectively to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost of
the Christian Trinity. l

With a view to reach the younger men and boys
I arranged with the Principals of the C.M. College,
Tinnevelly and the C.M.S. High School, Palam-
cottah, to give me their Scripture hour, and twice
I gave two courses of addresses to the young
men in the college and matriculation classes,

1 See Appendix in which the leading features of the Saiva
Sidhanta system are summarised and set side by side with the
corresponding doctrines of Christianity.

84 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

attempting to cover in a systematic manner, the
entire scheme of Christian salvation, contrasting it
with the Hindu systems. I have already described
the manner in which I attempted to keep in touch
with inquirers and converts, about twenty-two of
whom have come at different times under my direct
teaching and influence. Latterly, Mr. Carr and
myself divided between ourselves the burden of
maintaining these inquirers and the responsibility
for their spiritual preparation. The opening, four
years ago, of the Converts Home of which I am
President has considerably lightened my burden,
but I continue to take the warmest possible interest
in converts, intending and actual, and teach them
as much as I can. At .the present moment I have
two young men who are under my instruction.

THE GREAT NEED FOR EVANGELISTIC

MISSIONARIES

I have also with the permission of the C.M.S.
authorities often delivered addresses to the evange-
lists, about forty in number, employed by them.
Though they are fairly well acquainted with the
general truths of Christianity, they are not quali-
fied, either by their general character or piety or by
their acquaintance with Hindu beliefs and faith, to
make any real headway with intelligent Hindus.
My aim has been to improve their outlook in this
matter and to help them to take a broader view of
their work. I am convinced that the machinery
now in use for evangelistic work is entirely inade-
quate, for the task to be accomplished, and that the
methods and personnel employed are not suitable,

.;-pkEACHING' TOURS 85

If the higher castes are to be effectively reached,
missionaries of ability > and culture should be set
apart who could live as did the Rev. R. J. Noble
with inquirers as their friends and brothers and
influence them by their lives and character. Now
the inquirer is treated as a -sort of hanger-on who
has to wait upon the missionary for interviews, and
has little or no opportunity of witnessing- the beauty
of his Christiamlife or recognizing any; self-sacrifice
on his part. The missionary on the other hand
who desires to appeal to the masses 'should give up
his administrative work and retire to the villages,
living the simple ascetic life which has such a
power over our people. He should move among
them, as Schwartz and Xavier did in early days, in
order to win their souls.

I have' referred to-the preaching tours organized
by myself and carried out sometimes in company
with Mr. T. A. Jothinayagam Piliai and sometimes
by myself. More recently the Indian Missionary
Society has, in addition to its regular evangelistic
work in the Nizam's Dominions, begun to take
interest in work among neighbouring Hindus, and
has organized preaching camps on a large scale. It
has invited speakers lof exceptional ability like
Messrs. Larsen, Eddy, Walker and others to ad-
dresses large gatherings in different portions of the
district. I have often helped in organizing these
tours, supported them with my donations and some-
times myself accompanied the speakers. Generally
I have interested myself in all the evangelistic and
Church work carried on by; the C.M.S., forwarding
their scheme of self-support, planning and taking

S6 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERf

part in their evangelistic work and giving them the
benefit of my experience, such as it is, in their
church councils and committees.

I was one of those who ardently supported the
project of a Gospel Sunday, during which all the
Christians of a congregation should go out to
adjoining villages, and spend the entire day in
preaching the Gospel in the highways and bye-
ways. I have often gone to the villages round
Palamcottah, and in some instances to those round
Courtallam, and have been able to interest Hindus
of the better classes in the subject of Christianity.
I also worked very hard in the direction of self-
support and threw the weight of my voice and
influence in helping the missionaries and the Indian
Church to realize a larger and ever larger measure
of self-reliance.

THE ERECTION OF CHURCHES IN MY
TWO VILLAGES

Reference has already been made to the two
churches I erected in my villages known as Raja-
pudukudi and Subbiapuram. There was a handful
of Christians in the former of these two villages,
and, at the time when the church was dedicated for
public worship by Bishop Williams and the ReV.
E. S. Carr, no less than forty persons, old and
young, were baptized and admitted into the Chris-
tian fold. I have felt in a special manner res-
ponsible for the souls of the uneducated people in
this village, and have spared no effort to procure
for them a proper teacher, who would teach them
the first principles of Christianity. Of the various

AN ANSWER TO PRAYER 87

persons kindly placed at my disposal by the
C.M.S. for this purpose, only one man and more
particularly his wife have been of real service in
influencing the people towards Christianity. The
others were men of indifferent capacity or spiritual
power. In Subbiapuram, too, there are a few
Christians and a catechist to look after them. But
we have not yet made much headway in this village
which indeed has only recently come into my hands.
The schools established in these two places will,
I trust, educate the minds and consciences of the
children attending them before they get set and
hardened by prejudice, and a night school which I
presently intend to establish will, I trust, enable
me to reach the older people who have never had
the benefit of education.

A REMARKABLE ANSWER TO PRAYER

I may here record a remarkable instance of an
answer which I received in response to special
prayers offered up in connection with my village of
Rajapudukudi. During Christmas time one year
the rain-fed tank in the village, which supplies
more than a hundred acres of nanja or wet land and
which is usually full at that season of the year, was
absolutely empty. If no rain had been forth-
coming not only should I have been put to great
loss, but my numerous tenants in the village would
have been subjected to untold hardship and misery
during the next year. I made this a subject of
special prayer both in private and in my family
circle for about a week, and then proceeded with
my friend Mr, T. A. Jothinayagam Pillai to the

88 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

village, which was eighteen miles off and there,
standing on the dry fields in the presence of my
tenantry, who were very anxious for a suitable supply
of water, we again offered up prayers. In a most
surprising and marvellous manner, for which we
did not fail to thank God from an overflowing heart,
there were heavy showers of rain the same evening,
followed by other rains on subsequent days, which
produced a bumper crop such as we had not had
for some years.

RECOGNITION OF MY LOYALTY TO THE
BRITISH RAJ -

I must say a word in conclusion about the way

in which my services have been recognized. The

Tinnevelly Club, consisting mainly of Hindu

officials and Vakils, elected me as its President for

five years in succession, and the Government has

recently been pleased to confer upon me the title of

Dewan Bahadur, Some fifteen years ago when I

was busy doing God's work, I was informed that

the Viceroy had granted me a special certificate of

loyalty and merit. I appreciate the kindly spirit

which has prompted these honours, but for their own

sake I do not set much store by them. The only

reward which I am now looking forward to is nothing

that can be conferred upon me by any earthly

authority ; but the welcome ' Well done, Thou good

and faithful servant, ' which I hope to hear some

day from the lips of Him to whom I have tried to

be faithful in the few things committed to my

charge, learning more of the loveliness and beauty

of that beatific vision which is the inheritance of

HINDUISM AND CHRISTIANITY 89

those who have waited for God and loved Him, is
my desire,

SECTION 2. ANTICIPATIONS IN HINDUISM
OF CHRISTIANITY

' Prove all things . hold fast that which is good. ' 1 Thess.
v. 21

MY discussions with Hindu Pundits and with in-
tending converts to Christianity led to deeper study
and more careful consideration of the leading books
of Christianity and Hinduism. Fortunately my
own religion is not a closed book to me and other
Christians, as Hinduism is to most of those who
profess to follow it. We read the Bible every day
and have its various truths expounded and illustra-
ted from different points of view by our preachers
and ministers. The books, therefore, that I read
to deepen my knowledge of Christianity were such
as set forth the lives and thoughts of those saints,
who have enjoyed higher and richer experiences
than the rest of us. Similarly I embraced such
opportunities as offered themselves of conversing
with people like Sadhu Sunder Singh (who was
my guest for nearly a month), Kailasa Prasangiar
and others who were gifted with exceptional spiri-
tual power. To meet, however, the Hindu on his
own ground I have undertaken a deeper re-study of
the Hindu books starting from the Rig Veda and
the ten leading Upanishads. I have made special
researches into the Saiva Siddhanta philosophy and
the works of the great Saiva saints and mystics and
into the Yoga system,
12

90 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

KNOWLEDGE OF HIGHER .HINDUISM MAKES
A MAN A BETTER CHRISTIAN

The conviction that has been strongly, borne in
upon me7 as the result of such study, is that behind
the crude popular religion of the Hindus, there has
always been a higher and more spiritual philosophy
which has many points of contact with higher
Christianity, and from which an enquirer can easily
and naturally be conducted to Christianity itself..: I
would go even further and affirm, with the confi-
dence that comes of personal experience, that the
Christian, who studies those old Tamil and Sans-,
krit mystics, conies^ back to his own religion with a
deeper sense of its sublime truths and a richer peace
and joy in his life. It is true that there is in one
sense no esoteric Christianity, inasmuch as Christ
has stated the fundamental truths of His teaching
in the simplest possible terms, so that even children
and uneducated persons can become His followers
and remain such in a real sense. The belief of
the child, however, is not the same as that of a:
man who has proved every thing and can give a:
reason for the faith that is in him, nor can the
content of a child's Christian experience be in
any measure compared with that of mystics like
Behmen or Tauler or ripe saints like Francis of;
Assisi or Francis Xavier. I sometimes think,
that " the average Christian teacher or preacher ;
scarcely rises above the A B C of Christianity in;
his teaching, for the simple reason that in his own .
life .he has only reached; the A B C of Christian :
experience. ; .-__.-; . ..;

OP T

... r S.TIJD-Y. OF -THE OLD VEDA NECESSARY ,
:...-. FOR THE FOUNDATION OF THE NEW

Let me give illustrations of both these positions.
"We are accustomed to think that Hinduism is a
grossly polytheistic religion, and that, in order to
lay the foundation for the doctrine of the one God,
we must build anew on the basis of its reasonable-
ness and of the unreasonableness of the rival belief,
It is true that the original 'Rig Veda^ even though
it was written before the differentiation of Brahma,
Vishnu and Siva (who are barely mentioned),
speaks of. gods many and lords many, Varuna and
Indra, Yama and the Asvins, and so on. But in
later Mandalasthe Rishis slowly grope towards the
idea that, after all, these gods, which merely repre-
sent different powers of nature, like the sun and the
sky, could have had no independent existences, but
must have deri.ved'tbeir special qualities and powers
from one inscrutable Being behind them who is
invisible to human sense ; but who expresses Him-
self in forms and qualities that can be apprehended
by the human faculties. From the idea of this one
God, . Sankaracharya, professing to follow Brahaspati
and Badarayana, later evolved the doctrine . of
pantheism which, with its concomitant doctrine, of
Maya, envelopes Indian thought as in a haze of mist.
The passage, however, from the unity of the Vedic
god to the Christian. Divinity is much easier ; and it
is "this, -I have no doubt, that the Rishis had in mind
when they sang: of :the.: One behind the many, im-.
manent in all things, "manifesting Himself in Divine
forms of beauty and with. divine powers, The later
pantheism destroys: imman individuality and the

92 PILGRIMAGE" OF A CONVERT

responsible will, and makes way for a blind karma in
the toils of which the Hindu has been caught and
enfolded without the means of extricating himself.
There is no distinction in it between right and
wrong, bacause all the acts of sentient beings are
the acts of the god in him, and have been preordain-
ed by primordial laws or an iron fate, which it is
possible to fear but not to avoid. Such an idea
would have been scouted by the early Aryan Rishis,
who came of a fearless, conquering and progressive
stock and did not, as their descendants do, give way
to the worship of demons and devils in their feeling
of helplessness and dismay before the powers of
nature. I should say, ' Study the old Veda, if you
want to lay the foundation for the true or new Veda,
which teaches us about an all-powerful God, the
author of all things who is as rich in love and
mercy as He is in power and majesty.'

EVIDENCE IN RIG VEDA FOR THE DOCTRINES
OF THE LOGOS AND THE ATONEMENT

The idea of the incarnation of God is also one
for which the foundations have been laid broad and
deep in Hinduism. If the aim is to convince
Hindus of this doctrine, it is easier to take their
own teaching and pass from it to the true doctrine,
divested of all crudities, than to commence by
destroying all Hindu views, and to start building
anew from scepticism, a task which it is well nigh
impossible to perform. The religious Hindu more
easily becomes a religious Christian than a sceptic,
who has been taught to doubt every item of the
Hindu belief, and who approaches religion in a

f Hi ] AVAtriAR AS OF VISHNU 3

spirit of cold and suspicious criticism. AH Hindus
believe that at sundry times and in diverse manners
God has taken on animate and often human forms,
in : order to rid the world of evil or to accomplish
some great Divine purpose. Who has not heard of
the ten Ayathars of Vishnu, or the forms into which
Siva used to pass to help his devotees? It is
true that they think only of a portion of God thus
manifesting himself in his avatharas and that the
stories, relating to the forms taken, and the purposes
meant to be fulfilled are often enough grotesque
and misleading, But the idea is there and it is not
difficult to show a Hindu that God can take on
human form in order to accomplish a gracious pur-
pose, which he had in view for the good of mankind.
The surprising thing is that we have not got to wait
till the Brhamanas or the later Pur anas for obtain-
ing the original Hindu doctrine of Incarnation.
The Rishis of the Rig Veda sing of Hiranya Garbha,
the golden egg, or ' the golden child, who was born
Lord of all.' 'He created everything and asked
the question to whom shall I sacrifice* In this
verse is found the germ of two well known
Christian doctrines : that of Christ the Logos who
was before all things and from whom all things
created were made : and the doctrine of atonement
or redemptive sacrifice, which is put forward by
many Hindus as the stumbling block in the way of
their acceptance of Christianity. If the passage
above quoted is interpreted in the light of what
follows, it will be admitted that the old Rishi had
more than a passing glimpse of the true Christ,
and that .the modern Hindu who professes to regard

94 PtoRIMAGE QF-A

every line of the Veda as sacred cannot but admit
that the foundation was laid, so far as India was -
concerned, for faith in Christ by its own Rishis,
long before Saint Thomas or any other Christian
missionary came to India.

THE EXPERIENCES OF HINDU MYSTICS JUST
.....AS REAL AS THOSE OF CHRISTIAN SAINTS

As regards the other position, it is a fortunate
circumstance that the writings of some of the Saiva
mystics, like Gnanasambandar and Manikkavasagar,-
are now being translated into English verse ; and
that all those scriptures are available in a forni
which renders it easy for any ordinary Tamil student
to understand them. Any one who ^as read these
old writers will be forced to admit that Western
religion is not a very different thing from Eastern
religion. Religion does not differ according to the
colour of the devotee or the continent in which he
lives. Our own Rishis and poets have had the same
visions as David the Psalmist or Catherine the
Mystic, Their religious experiences were just as
real and just as profound as those in- the West.
Who according to these writers is the virtuous man?
' .He is one who controls and coerces the passions
within him so as to conform his actions to Divine
Laws.' Who on the other hand is the holy man.??
' He is one in whom a passionate enthusiasm absorbs,
and annuls the passions altogether, so that no.
internal struggle takes place ; and the lawful action*
or that which present itself first, seems to, be the;
one most natural and most easy to be done.' Holy,
is defined in these books .as -' free from sinful -

ON PRAYER 95

tions and characterised by religious principles* '
Happiness is described as ' constant occupation in
congenial work with the full exercise of our powers
and with a continued sense of progress.'

There can be no doubt that these saints, who thus
wrote and sang, must have passed through many of
the same experiences as Christian saints and thought
the same thoughts. In their life of prayer and
contemplation too they achieved the same emotional
levels, as the great Christian mystics. Here is an
account of the prayer life of one of them, ' Thought
was -not. . In enjoyment it expires* No thanks he
breathed. He preferred no request. Rapt in the
still communion that transcends the imperfect offices
of prayer and praise, his mind was a thanksgiving
to the power that made him. It was blessedness
to love/

In this connection I feel it laid upon me to testify
that these are the ideals at which I too have aimed,
and which I have been permitted in some measure,
with whatever personal limitations and imperfections;
to attain according to the grace given unto me. I
have come to believe that prayer is the normal life
of the soul, and that the heart which occupies itself
in prayer enjoys perfect health and the brightest and
purest happiness. For such prayer no stated
places or postures or fixed hours are necessary : the
time spent on it is never measured or felt as spent.
The soul is absorbed in the communion, with the
universal Spirit. It passes through all the four
stages described in Hindu philosophy. There
is no,. necessity .to ask for things, for the soul
has : risen "abx>ve all 'earthly want or .desire.,-

96 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

anything that is needed, nay much more, is liberally
bestowed by an all- Provident God.

There is not much need for crying over sin com-
mitted ; because the A B C stage, in which the
uncontrolled will constantly lapses into evil, has
long been left behind and sins committed, if any,
are repented of at once and washed by the cleansing
blood. There is no interest except in God and
His kingdom ; no thoughts except such as those
put into the soul by God, who perfects the good
work already commenced ; no feelings, no imagina-
tions, except those for which He is responsible,
there being no sinful will to resist them.

There are ejaculations, there are conversations,
there are praises and expressions of joy and the
Spirit seems to act in union with the human soul.
I can now understand the mystic meaning of that
wonderful expression used by St. Paul, ' We all
beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord are
changed into the same image from glory to glory
even as by the spirit of the Lord.'

The prayer life becomes a mirror for reflecting
the Heavenly image ; and every time it is experi-
enced new reflections appear perfecting the image.
It is thus described in a Hindu Scripture :

A shining charming mirror this,
A Heaven reflecting mirror this,
A causeless endless mirror this,
A knowledge giving mirror this,
: A pain relieving mirror this,

A sin destroying mirror this, :

A silent speaking mirror this. ] ,

ATheR.V., I think, translates .this differently, . ' reflecting ' not
' beholding'. The Hindu idea of, .prayer is Wat of a mirror for-
reflecting heaven. -' -

HINDU SAINTS 97.

I. &rtsl Lotmarre

I am glad to be able to testify that the perusal of
this old world lore has opened new vistas of thought
and experience, which I never suspected of being
within the reach of the Christian. It has yielded
transports of joy, which are at the opposite pole to
the tears of repentance with which we commence the
converted Christian life. It was a profound truth
which that the old Hindu sage had grasped, when he
declared that the god Siva appeared as a Guru to
the devotee, who has duly prepared himself by self-
discipline and knowledge or by fasting and prayer,
and teaches him all knowledge and the truth of all
things. St. Paul's teaching takes the soul a stage
further. Christ the hope of Glory lives in him,
enabling him to think His thoughts, feel as He
feels, and work the same acts as He would have
worked if he were on earth. The body becomes
a Temple of the Holy Ghost who comes to reside
in it and direct its every activity. The man who
defiles the Temple, grieves the Spirit and drives
Him away.

HINDU SAINTS KNEW, OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

It was at this period that I made a special study
of the Christian teaching as "to the Holy Spirit,
collating the different passages in the Bible relating
13

98 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

to Him and reading special monographs written on
the subject. When I read of the Comforter who
was to be sent to us to take the place of Christ and
to stay with us to the end to strengthen us, and when
further I learnt that all the graces of the Christian
character, love, joy, peace, long suffering, meekness,
are the fruits of the Spirit, and that we cannot even
pray aright without the guidance of the Holy Ghost,
I became most anxious to obtain the gift of the
Spirit and made special prayers on that behalf. It
is said ' Knock and it shall be opened, seek and ye
shall find and ask and it shall be given unto you,'
and we have also the special promise that ' the
Spirit shall be given to such as ask.' These promises
were graciously fulfilled in my case and my prayer -
life has been greatly enriched and blessed in con-
sequence. I make bold to claim, as the result
of the deeper contemplation already referred to
and more intense prayer-life, that first God and
Christ have become to me living realities, of whose
nearness and presence I have been made sensible
at special moments in ways past describing ;
secondly, that I have been blessed with other
visions, similar to those of which we read in the
Bible in connection with St. Paul, St. Peter and
the Saints of the Old Testament ; thirdly, that I
have been able to live the conquering or overcoming
life, getting rid of some of my natural failings or
besetting sins such as pride, anger, worldliness,
lust. It is stated in the Book of Revelation that the
overcoming, or victorious life, is only possible to
those Churches and individuals who have received
the Holy Spirit and abound with it. I have come

YOGA SYSTEM $$

to the conclusion, and believe in all humility, that
I have been vouchsafed that Spirit which alone can
make the soul free and happy. Is it too much to
infer that the reason why most people, who profess
and call themselves Christians, show so few of the
graces of Christian ^character is simply that they
have never received the Holy Spirit and never
sought for it ; while, on the other hand, non-
Christians, who display some of these very Christian
traits owe them to the influence of that same Spirit
whom God has put into their hearts as His witness ?
From my study of Tamil philosophic poems like those
of Thayumanavav, Tivumoolar, I am convinced that
those same saints knew of the Holy Spirit, and
their manner of life and attainments bore testimony
to their having received it, St. Paul too says that
the Lord has not left Himself without witness in
any country.

The Yoga 1 system, which is a sealed book to
most Hindus and an object of suspicion to Christians
in general, has, if properly practised, the power of
unfolding many of the secrets of the prayer-life, and
of yielding fresh varieties of spiritual joy. By it the
senses are brought under complete control and even
the mind or intellect is brought into subjection to
the spiritual faculty, until there is nothing left to
intervene and darken the communion between the
soul and its Maker. Even in its early or elementary
stages, which alone I could claim to have reached,
it has given me results, visions and a power and
peace which I count among my best blessings.

1 Yoga merely means union with God. The individual soul is in
union with the universal Spirit, the Holy Ghost,

100 PILGRIMAGE OF A CON V ERT

SECTION 3. A REMARKABLE GURU

At evening time it shall be light. Zech. xiv. 7.
Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof.

Eccles. vii. 8 ,

THREE STAGES IN THE SPIRITUAL LIFE

It appears to me that there are three stages in
the spiritual life. The first stage is that in which
the Christian is ' converted,' or bom again, i.e.,
when he becomes dead indeed unto sin but alive
unto God. This is the stage of compunction and
repentance, of godly sorrow which makes him enter
into the spiritual life. Most Christians think and
act as if this is all that is expected of them. There,
is, however, a second stage in which the Christian
feels it a duty incumbent upon him to pass on to
others, the liberty and blessing that he has received,
a stage in which he is drawn by love to his fellow
men and feels his responsibility towards them, and
becomes a missionary or preacher drawing their
attention to Christ. This was the conviction borne
in upon me by attending the missionary conventions
held in Kodaikanal, and I take the liberty to urge
upon my fellow Christians the duty of passing on
the Gospel message to others. There is, however,
a third and still higher stage possible, when the
converted Christian becomes baptized into the
Spirit and endowed with powers and visions with
which he has never been possessed before. Every
Christian should hunger for or aspire after this
second baptism and the perpetual blessedness which
it brings. Then indeed he will realize that the
Christian life is not one of sorrow or tears, but one

INFLUENCE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT lOi

of strength and confidence and overflowing joy,
* Let every soul be subject to the higher powers '
(Rom. xiii. i). In contemplation and communion
the soul is so subjected. ' Put Ye on the Lord Jesus
Christ ' (Rom. xiii. 14). I do not presume to
make any claim to the higher experiences and
ecstatic visions, with which devout persons like
Sadhu Sunder Singh have been favoured, nor have
I ever become so absorbed in ecstasy as to be
indifferent to the stings of hornets and the circum-
stances of material life. But my heart was longing
for something higher than what is normally vouch-
safed to the eye of faith, and I pleaded before Him
His gracious promise that ' to him that asketh it
shall be given.' My spiritual thirst has been satis-
fied. I have been overshadowed by the Holy
Spirit and filled with the peace and joy which the
Spirit alone can give. Ungodly persons and mere
professors never look upon religion as a joyful
thing ; to them it is service, duty or necessity but
never pleasure or delight. I wish to place it on
record that there is no delight or earthly joy com-
parable to the happiness of those whose lives have
been over-shadowed by the Spirit. Such joys,
such brimful delights, such overflowing thrills do
men of faith discover in their Lord that, so far from
serving him from custom or necessity or expediency,
they would follow him, though the whole world
may cast them out as evil.

I have already stated 'elsewhere that I made a
special study of the teaching of the Christian
Scriptures as to the Holy Spirit, His relation to the
t Godhead,; His place and function in the universe

102 PILGRIMAGE OF A

and the method and the scope of His operations in
the individual human life. In connection with this
I also perused carefully the lives of European
mystics like Saint Teresa and Saint Francis of
Assisi and the works or selections from the works
of writers like Bonaventura, Boehme, Tauler and
Swedenborg.

A REMARKABLE GURU HIS PERSONALITY
AND HIS INFLUENCE OVER ME

I obtained, however, more assistance and illu-
mination from a near relation of mine, who came of
his own accord to spend a season at Courtallam
with me, as he was able to appeal to and touch me
more closely than the written Scriptures and the
distant experiences which I have just mentioned.
He is well read in mystic literature and has an
extensive acquaintance with all Tamil literature of
that variety and has, in moments of solitude and
quiet, of which he is a great lover, worked out for
himself a special scheme of thinking, which appeared
to me to be highly attractive and interesting. His
appearance and manner were altogether in his
favour, as he is eloquent and persuasive in speech,
affable and grave, meditative and prayerful. He
providentially met a Guru, when he was thirsting
for the knowledge of God and yearning to be with
Him. He then engaged in fasting, prayer and
penance, with a view to attain to the true knowledge
of and sympathy with the Godhead. That Guru
anointed him with Sakthi Devi which, according to
the Hindu Shastvas, corresponds in its function and
work to the Holy Spirit of the Christian Scriptures,

CONVERSATIONS WITH A GURU 103

For three months both morning and evening we
conversed together about the merits, advantages
and claims of Christianity and Saivism. I tried
my best to convince him of the truth and spirituality
of the Christian religion in such a way as to lead
him to baptism and the fuller graces of the Christian
life. He, on the other hand, made out that the
baptism administered by the priest in the Christian
Church amounted only to water baptism and that
there was a higher baptism with fire and the Holy
Ghost which he had himself received. He also
claimed the power to anoint others and transmit
the same Spirit which he had received. Our con-
versations and discussions continued for about
three months, and made me earnest and anxious to
obtain the secret of the anointed one. The King-
dom of God he said is not in reading and hearing
merely, but in seeing, in finding and in showing to
others, and he finds these realized in as great measure
in Saivism and among Muhammadan mystics as in
Christian writers. The Holy Spirit appeared in
the shape of a dove to our Lord ; but He may
appear and, according to him, has appeared in other
forms to the anointed, and those, who have close
fellowship with Him, enjoy communion with God
and receive spiritual and even material blessings
of a high order.

The summary of his religion and position will be
found set out in detail in two books that he has
published, one called The Gospel of Grace, and
another known as Some things about the Theological
Academy. He is a pronounced Siddhantic Yogin,
and does not lay the same emphasis as I do on

104 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

spiritual advancement through Christ ; but other-
wise I find there were .many points in which we
held similar views.

Some extracts from his book give a rough idea
of his position :

1. Religion is not talk but realization.

2. Sectarians may wrangle about their differences, but
the truth which is shadowed in all religions is possible of
attainment only through grace. The way to Salvation is
one, all religions agree on this point. That is through
obtaining the Holy Ghost and realizing it.

3. The religion of: Gnanis begins with Godhead, and
they demand that we should cease from all wrangling,
from praising one and despising another religion, because
there is a substratum of truth in all religions.

4. The re-born man has no more doubts in religion.
God to him is tangible, and the word of God is seen, felt,
handled and touched by him.

I give a short and succinct account of blissful
experiences of mine, which will appear from the
translation of the stanzas which I have composed for
my own use in devotion and prayer, based on Gnani
Thayumanavar, and others, also on the biblical
Christian Scriptures. The stanzas are given in the
original Tamil in the foot-note.

Joy, Joy, the Spirit's Joy is Joy indeed.
Thou art ambrosia that ever wells,
Within myself, my life, my thought a tree,
That yields all things desired, a firmament,
Of joy and wonder filling both my eyes.
Ecstacy like a song doth fill the heart,
Of Baktas who have transcended desire.
God let thy beauteous and gracious feet,
Grant me refreshing rest and lasting bliss,
And make me free from bodily decease.
All-wise and All-good God, thine truest light, , :

THE SPIRIT'S JOY 105

That dwelleth with thy own, O, flood of health,

Thou dost abide in me I knew not how ,

Him that is more than kin or friend,

I saw as grandest sight and seeing lost,

Myself, lost all, gained all and in the place,

Of worldly joys, His joy inspiring self.

1 What sight is this ' : ' What joy is this ' ?

Grant me salvation, God ; do thou,

Grant me to see thee face to face,

Be thou a sky and as a rain

Of bliss descend upon me, for sure,

'Tis thine to make me live and thrive,

O, God on high, O, light on high,

Thou saving light, Thou flood of health,

My spirit's joy, O gracious Lord.

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SECTION 4. COMMUNION WITH THE DIVINE

A COMPARISON OF MY VISIONS WITH THOSE
OF THE SADHU

It now remains, to give some indication of the
inner life of the Spirit, which I consider to have
become my most privileged possession within the
last ten years of my life, together with some of the
spiritual experiences and realizations which have
accompanied it. I regard it as a most fortunate
circumstarice that my son and Canon Streeter of
Oxford have collaborated in publishing an account
of the life and experiences of Sadhu Sundar Singh
just at this time. I have read the book with great
pleasure, because it brings to my mind some of the
most vivid and striking of my own experiences and
has enabled me to compare the views and visions
with which the Sadhu has been favoured with
similar experiences of my own. ' Educated people,
unless indeed they have studied the lives of the
mystics, are apt to question the mental balance of

VISIONS 10?

any one who not only sees visions but takes them
seriously.' Though it is now some years since I
have been favoured with the spiritual experiences
referred to, I have refrained from giving public
expression to them, for the same reasons which
have induced the Sadhu to be reticent about them
and made Saint Paul describe his own visions in
the third person, as if they were the experiences of
some one else besides himself. On a close study
of the recent book on the Sadhu, I find such a
number of differences in form and content between
his visions and my own that I thought that it might
be of advantage to emphasise the points on which
we are in agreement, while indicating the features
in which there might be a difference.

MY VISIONS A GREAT SOURCE
OF REFRESHMENT

The authors of the book just mentioned have
preferred to describe the Sadhu's experiences as
ecstasies in which the mind is lifted up above the
circumstances of the surrounding world and moves
in entire forgetfulness of the phenomena of the
senses. I would like to adhere to the language
employed by St. John in the Book of Revelation^
and to describe them as so many manifestations of
the Spirit, and the sum-total of these experiences
as living in the Spirit ; but I am one with him in
the importance that I attach to these moments of
light and liberty. 'They are a great source, of
illumination, solace and physical refreshment, in
fact a pearl of great price which I would not give
up for the whole world.' Not only is the heart

108 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

refreshed and strengthened and filled with the
peace of God that passeth all understanding, but
even the body seems to become refreshed and the
mind appears to grow in clarity and breadth of
view. Indeed I would go to the length of saying
that they cause a progressive improvement of the
whole man, building up the body more than any
system of 'diet or exercise would do, and developing
the mind in a way which cannot be accomplished
by the most careful intellectual discipline. The
spirit in the meanwhile is filled with joy and peace.
1 One never gets tired or wants something different :
one always feels at home and equal to the largest
demands made upon one by the spirit.'

THE SYMBOLIC NATURE OF SPIRITUAL
EXPERIENCE

It is noted as a characteristic of the Sadhu's
experience that he largely thinks in pictures, and
that he is taught his views of God, the world
and immortality, through the medium of symbols.
It seems to me that it is scarcely possible for these
views to be otherwise than symbolic or pictorial.
It is unreasonable to expect that we can see heaven,
or hell or the God above, or His attendant spirits
with the human eye. Our conceptions of the
nature of the future life and of the Godhead must
necessarily be of a symbolic character ; the symbols
being dependent upon the candidate's own previous
mental experiences and endowments natural and
acquired. It is not the individual that sees
pictures, but the spirit that makes the future and
the past and the eternal appear in the shape <of

THE sADHU'S ADVANCE 109

pictures. The seers of the Old Testament, Moses,
Isaiah, and Ezekiel must have seen many more of
these pictures than have been embodied for us in
holy writ ; those and those only of the pictures
which bear on human problems and serve to
explain some of the difficulties in connection with
the Godhead and. the future life are preserved
for us.

THE SADHU'S ADVANCE ON TRADITIONAL

TRUTH

It may or may not be that the visions seen by
the Sadhu and others like him do not possess the
authority of those Apocalyptic visions which are
found in Scripture, but they clearly show an
advance upon the traditional apprehension of Divine
truth, and furnish pictorial explanations of difficul-
ties with which we are faced at the present day.
His view, for instance, that God does not punish
human beings but that they themselves (that is, the
sum-total of their actions) pass judgment upon
themselves and are afraid of entering into the region
of holiness and light occupied by the Divine, is
a much more fruitful explanation of the difficulties
raised in connection with a merciful God adjudging
so many sinners to judgment than the ordinary
theological theories about it. His further view
that no soul, whether in heaven or in hell or in the
intermediate condition, is left alone but that waves
of light and love are sent to them all for the purpose
of bringing them eventually into His presence, is
also a wonderful figure which manifest the central
purpose of His infinite love.

HO PILGRIMAGE OF A

It is not possible for human beings to see -these
visions with bodily eyes, but they are seen with
those eyes of the spirit which we shall use after
taking leave of the body at the time of death. In
fact behind and below the sheath of the body there
appears to be a still more wonderful spiritual
sheath, which reproduces the peculiarities of the
human form divine, but is full of light and al-
together free from those frailties and limitations to
which the human sheath which we shall shed as a
snake sheds its coat, is subject.

MY VISION OF THE TRINITY

It has not been my privilege to see the Divine
Being accompanied with hosts of angels and saints,
who are in perpetual communion one with another
on the most beatific of subjects ; but Christ to me
is always the central figure in these visions ineffa-
ble and indescribable. The region round His
throne is also full of light and nothing on earth is so
beautiful, not even diamonds or precious stones.
His figure is ruddy like gold or glowing light and
there is a crown on His head, but He is accom-
panied by other figures which are in intimate touch
with Him and which appear to represent respecti-
vely the other two persons of the Holy Trinity.
Waves of light and love proceed from His body
' in whom dwelleth the fullness of Godhead ; ' pro-
ceeding thence these waves travel to the souls in
need, filling them also with life similar to His.
These waves appear to represent the working of
the Holy Spirit in human hearts, raising them to
ecstasy and building up and strengthening them.

ON ECSTASY 111

With this vision, which the Sadhu and I see,
should be compared the visions of St. John record*
ed in \hz,Book of Revelation, ' And I looked, and,
behold, a white cloud, and upon the cloud one
sat like unto the Son of man, having on his head
a golden crown and in his hand a sharp sickle '
(Rev. xiv. 14). I may add that I do not see the
sickle. Another vision which I see is that of a
star, which is a point of light with rays issuing
from it in all directions. It is interesting to note
that when I gaze at the stars on the sky, they too
appear not as mere points, but as points with rays
of light emerging from them.

Ecstasy is not a mere trance of hallucination, but
is a dive to the bottom of spiritual things, and
instead of exhausting or tiring the aspirant, as in
the case of psychic media, refreshes and strengthens
him. It is not a dream-state, but one in which the
mind can think steadily and continuously on the
same subject without being disturbed by distrac-
tions, or tired~by persistent concentration on the
same topic. The inspiration under which the
books of Scripture were written was probably
an instance of this ecstatic condition, which can be
described as a hyper-stimulation of the natural
faculties of insight and understanding which in men
of high ideals, schooled by the discipline of a
noble life, must inevitably follow from personal
communion with a personal God.

THE WRITING OF THE NAME OF THE LAMB

The statement in the Book of Revelation that the
name of the Lamb was found written on the foreheads

112 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

of the saints in heaven (Rev. xxii. 4) receives a
new illumination from the vision which the Sadhu
had of those heavenly beings. He appears to think
that there was no physical inscription on the fore-
heads, but that they all bore the stamp and image
of Christ and reflected the glorious dazzling light
which issues from Him. But it seems to. me that
the statement that * Christ the hope of Glory lives
in you ' and that other verse, ' beholding as in a
mirror the Glory of the Lord we shall be changed
into the same image from glory to glory as by the
spirit of the Lord,' give us a nearer approximation
to the real truth, and enable us to put a new con-
struction upon it, which is even more satisfying than
the Sadhu' s conception.

Then again his idea that the saints are called
gods, because they are capable of an infinite pro-
gressive development, until they become perfect
like God, and shine with the same light with which
He shines, is one which gives a new picture of the
love of God, who is so unselfish that He desires the
smallest of his saints to become like Him, and is
not satisfied until the waves of grace proceeding
from Him have transformed the saint into a being
of light and power similar to Himself, so that he
may have an object whom he can truly and fully
love.

THE IMPORTANCE OF VISIONS AS A PART
OF SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE

It is necessary here to adduce my reasons for
regarding the seeing of visions as a vital and
important part of Christian experience, though there

SUPPORT EKQM: THE BIBLE 113

are .other types of Christian life which are just as
valuable, '.-. .... :.-..;. ...':.:

SUPPORT FROM THE BIBLE

Many of the Prophets and Apostles were ' seers/
i.e. men who saw. They derived their, knowledge
of God, and understood His purposes. lor man-
kind through visions. We have in the. Bible
accounts of the visions which Daniel, Ezekiel,
Isaiah, St. Paul and ; St. John ; saw, and are: not
these among the very greatest of the writers of the
Bible, through whom God has uttered His will
to mankind? ' I will lift up,' sings the Psalmist,
* mine eyes unto the mountains from whence my
help cometb. My help cometh from the Lord,
which made heaven and earth.' Our Lord declares,
' Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see
God.' In John xvii. i our Lord Jesus Christ
Himself lifted up His eyes unto heaven and showed
the oneness of Himself with the Father, and the
oneness of Himself with His disciples so that the
three might be made perfect in one. Thus we
derive support for our position, that this type of
experience is vital from the experience, of o.ur Lord
Himself. This lifting up of the eyes is followed by
visions, the ' beholding as in a mirror the glory
of the Lord,' There is a remarkable verse in
the Gospel of St. John, a man of clear and
penetrating spiritual insight, which shows what
is the result of lifting up the eyes. In chapter ii.
41, we read, 'Jesus lifted up his eyes and said,
" Father," ' This clearly shows that, when Jesus
lifted up His eyes, He beheld .Hi's "Father, with
J5

PILGRIMAGE: OF A CONVERT

whom He began to commune. This fact, I may.
add, verifies my own experience when I see, God, on
lifting up my eyes. It is also significant that Jesus
declares that then Ha doss what He sees the Father

doing. _.; '.'

This glorious experience was not confined ,to
Biblical timas. All through the long centuries
that have elapsed since the seer at Patmos recorded
his visions, Christian mystics have arisen and have
been strengthened, inspired or illumined by visions
from on high. Spurgeon, the great preacher and
saint, prays, * Lord, paint upon the eyelids of my soul
the image of thy Son.' 1 This is a rather significant
fact as Spurgeon was not, to my knowledge, a mystic.
Though apparently not given to the seeing of
visions, he had, in a moment of spiritual exaltation,
realized the .possibility of Christ being painted
upon the eyelids of the soul a possibility which is
a .fact .with .mystics. . Of this I may say, as the
Sadhu said., when a similar . harmony of conclusions
arrived :at. by; visions and by ratioeinative thinking
was pointed .out to Jiim, Al am. not at all surprised.
Truth .is . one ; but different men may attain to it
by different paths.' 2 . ...... ;

..: SUPPORT FROM HINDU LITERATURE

Further, there have not : been wanting mystics
in India,., who coming ; near the, JDivine in solemn
moments,, have had thejr deep, spiritual experience
confirmed by visions. . Thayurnanavar sings, / Thou
perfect bliss pervading entirely all the space that

---'- * Morning by Morning , December, 17,

'.'-::' -,' -' TAe-SactAu, p, 116, >- . -^. '..-'iii

-., SUPPORT .FROM SCIENCE . ' 11-5

meets our gaze.' 1 It is interesting to compare
this with the words of the Te Deum.'m the Book of
Common Prayer : -Heaven and earth are full of the
Majesty of Thy Glory.' Another significant couplet
from Thayumanavar runs thus :

My life, my thought, a tree
That yields all things desired,
A firmament of joy and wonder, filling both my
eyes. 2

According to a Saivite poem, Siva with his
matted hair will appear to his saintly ones. 3

SUPPORT FROM SCIENCE

Here . I would like to give expression to my
conviction that there is ample scientific support for
the position that deep concentration and communion
with the Divine is a vital part, though not the only
part, of Christian experience.

eauf. Gtugv jslfl^etiis QasnGsrgiis

Qunnon Qpnsssr&i
^(25(^0 vm

~Quirij5lf&&(igui

116 MGRIMAGE OF A

(i) A line of thought, along which science sup-
ports my position, is that all medical authorities are
agreed in regarding worry, care and anxiety as
factors .that sap energy, and destroy life. Now in
our still calm contemplation, we are wonderfully
delivered from these life-destroying agencies.
Peace, Joy and Quiet reign in our souls and these
build up the. body and the soul, just as their oppo-
sites destroy them.

(2) A second line along, which scientific support
for the position I have taken up is forthcoming is
the intimate connexion between light and life. In
contemplation, I behold light, not in a figurative
but in a real" sense. God is Tight and it is natural
and right that He should appear to His devotees
in- that form. From the first moment of this
kind of experience we see light, but just as the
light -that is hidden in a match sometimes dies out
but sometimes spreads over vast areas, so with
some men this experience of light is a rather simple
fact, whereas with others it is a glorious experience,
expanding wonderfully and unfolding endless varie-
ties, types and colours. The beholding of light
with the physical eye makes, we know, for health
and life. In the same way, the gazing on real light
with the inner, spiritual eye makes for abundance,
vigour, fulness. The deeper, the more prolonged
the communion with the Divine the higher, the
stronger and the more vigorous our life becomes.

(3) Bergson refers to the psychologists who
maintain that, ' if we could penetrate into the inside
of a brain at work and behold the dance of the atoms
which make up the cortex, ... we should know

':/ *;YOGIS AND GNANIS :

every detail of what is going on in the corresponding
consciousness. 1

In myexperience, I seem to penetrate into the in*
side of my brain and see the movement of the atoms.
It is this constant play to and fro of .the atoms that
gives power to the brain, And my method of prayer
and concentration seems to accelerate, or at least to
help along, this process. To put the matter at its
lowest value then, our prayer and concentration is
like mental or spiritual gymnastics. Just as the body
gets strengthened by the physical exercise which
moves the limbs, so the spirit is strengthened and
invigorated by the play of the atoms that compose
the brain by close and sustained concentration.

As a result of studying the Hindu literature on
the subject and of talking over the matter with men
who have practised Yoga, I have come to the con*
elusion that Hindu Yogis and Gnanis have under-
stood clearly the functions of the sensory and motor
centres in the body, have accurately located them,
and have: acquired the power to control them.
: (4) In our spiritual experience, we lift up our
eyes towards the heavens and fix them on the
clouds, on the vast expanse of the sky. On the
basis of this experience, I find it very easy to
understand the .Biblical statement that Christ will
come, in the clouds of heaven. Now, it is accepted
in scientific circles that the further we go away
from .the., earth's 'surface, .the more ethereal it
becomes. These remote regions, which seem to the
-eye to. lie near the skies, seem to be peryad o ed by

1 Matter and Memory, p. 11. , . .

118 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

something less material than spiritual. It is very
difficult to designate this mysterious something,
though I venture to think that it : is the Spirit.
This constant contact with the regions beyond,
brings into our system abundant vitality. From
on high flows into our mind and soul, through the
channel of prayer and contemplation, energy which
is nothing less than divine.

THE EFFECT OF THE VISIONS

From the words which I have written at the
beginning of this section, it will be clear that I
attach much weight to .visions, and regard the last
period of my life as far more important than the
two earlier stages when I did not see visions. The
reasons for this view are strong and clear in my
own mind. My experience indicates in an un-
mistakable way the fact that these visions have
wrought in my life a change at once profound and
startling. They have filled my mind with the
peace which passeth all understanding. Great con*
tentme'nt and resignation dwell in my innermost
soul Even natural passions like pride, anger
worldliness have almost disappeared, the significant
fact being that they have not been suppressed by
degrees, by slow, deliberate efforts of the will ; but
have been triumphantly, gloriously vanquished by
the power of the Holy Spirit. They have disap-
peared under an influence, riot mine. And at this
age, I feel refreshed physically, mentally and spirit-
ually. And I am also sensibly and consciously pro-
gressing from day to day, becoming happier and
more peaceful.,;: _.....

VISIONS AND OTHER TYPES OF CHRISTIAN ,

EXPERIENCE ... ; ..

The importance that I attach to my visions does
not, however, lead to the inference that airChristians
should see visions, and that those who do not see
visions have not attained the summit of Christian
experience : The gifts of the Spirit are diverse and
men are summoned by God to minister in His
Kingdom in diverse ways. Even men, who have
what might appear to our understanding as elemen-
tary Christian gifts, are probably quite important to
the Kingdom; A knowledge of the alphabet is
never to be despised, for it is the first step on the
road that leads gradually, stage by stage, to the
highest learning.

Is A GURU NEEDED

I venture to think that a great many Christians
do not see God, not because they cannot* but
because they will not. It is the heritage of all
Christians, The trouble is with themselves. They
do not claim it. Just as some men can work out a
knotty - mathematical problem by themselves, and
others need a tutor to help them, so some . men
attain to this deep experience by a natural capacity,
stimulated by meditation, prayer and asceticsm, or
by persistent almost dogged resolution to make
themselves worthy of this great gift of the Spirit,
whereas t>thers read* this- experience with the help
of a human Guru. To both classes alike, Christ is
the supreme Guru* in the first instance. The
mystic rite of initiation is administered by Him,
not in an explicit, human ceremony ;. but often in an

120 PILGRIMAGE- OF 'A^ CON VERT

awakening: of the ^ Spirit: whose movemehts: are as
mysterious as those of 'the wind.

VISIONS ARE MANIFESTATIONS OF REALITY

It is my firm conviction that these visions are
actual, concrete manifestations of Reality and not
mere pictures wrought by our imagination. In con-
templation, the veil that lies over us under normal
circumstances is, so to speak, : torn asunder and we
obtain glimpses, brief but of unforgettable vividness
and beauty, of God.

In the words of Abbe P. Le Jeune, the author of
a most valuable book, 'it is God Himself in us, and no
mpre His image, . which, in this contemplation, we
perceive and touch/ l The fact that, though every
morning in my bed-room I gaze steadily for a few
moments at pictures of the Christ hanging on the
Cross and of Christ emerging from His tomb on the
morning of the Resurrection, I never see these
figures in my visions confirms in me the conclusion
that these are no projections. of my fancy,, working
with familiar material; but are God-given glimpses
of the other world of wondrous beauty and glory .
But it may be said, 'If the visions of mystics are
glimpses of things as they are, how does it happen
that they do not always tally, that they have
characteristics which do not always correspond ?'
Suppose there is . a household and different photo-
graphs are taken of it^at different, times when the
.members, of that household are engaged, in prayer,
: when they are at their jnealSj when.,,they are follow-
ing, sometimes in the house and sometimes outside,

1 An Introduction to the Mystical Life, p. 6,

VISIONS 121

each his own vocation these photographs will Vary
considerably. The visions are mystical pictures of
Reality, and yet they are different, because Reality
and Heavenly Things have many phases, and some
mystics gaze at one phase and others at another,
according to their desire.

VISIONS AND THE USE OF REASON

In thus enjoying visions and allowing myself to
be largely influenced in the understanding, in the
judgment, and in action by them, I am not, however,
despising reason. Reason is a God-given gift and
should be fully exercised. When difficult problems
arise, when different courses of action present
themselves before me, I endeavour to use my
reason and to come to a conclusion. Faithfully
and earnestly do I seek to make clear to myself the
issues to be decided and the considerations that can
be urged on either side. But, when I reach the
point where I find myself helpless, then I resort to
the prayer of contemplation. In contemplation,
I find that reason ceases to function, but that my
problems solve themselves naturally ; the decision,
I was unable to reach in the normal human way
by processes of thought, is quite clear to me.

WHEN I SEE VISIONS

I see these visions when I sit for contemplation,
drawing aloof from the din and bustle of the woild
and am alone with God. They occur after a few
minutes of prayer and thought. I can always get
into the state in which I can see visions. The

prayer of contemplation I practise twice a day,
16

122 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

once in the morning and once in the/ evening and,
whenever I practise this prayer, I . see visions,
Thus it is rather a unique characteristic of my
spiritual experience that I see visions, not at
strange and unexpected moments, but at times of
which I am perfectly aware and in hours during
which I am prepared for it. Another interest-
ing feature of my visions is that, if I gaze steadily
at a large sheet of water, the visions which appear
above it are luminous, and bright with a wonderful
lucidity. Fixing my eyes steadily on the blue of
the sky results in visions radiant with blue. The
visions which hover over stretches of green are shot
with green. Other visions are painted jasper, jardine
or gold, according to the colour of the environment.
These and other visions might in some cases
prove to be purely physical or psychical phenomena,
but when they have been preceded by a purging of
the soul and occur in a life that strives for and
attains, in a measure, moral and spiritual purity,
they cease to be purely psychical phenomena and
become rilled with spiritual power. None. should
aspire after visions as such. Every one . should
live a life of prayer, practising to the utmost clean-
liness of thought and actiqn. Then, if he sees
visions as a part of his normal Christian experience,
they will prove to be blessings and not mere mental
projections, devoid! of spiritual meaning. ;

INTUITIVE UNDERSTANDING OF
SPIRITUAL TRUTHS

Besides seeing visions, I seem to possess ako
the Capacity to understand intuitively certain great

MARRIAGE 123

spiritual truths. For instance, the conviction has
been borne in upon me from above that the things
referred to in the Bible as * the tree of life,' * the
water of life,' ' the hidden manna,' and ' the breath
of life ' are all identical, and that they are all
different ways of describing the Holy Ghost.
Every student of Hindu thought knows that an
important part of Yoga is Pranayama, the control of
the breath. The breath that is thus controlled, and
which adds vigour and strength to our prayer life,
is the Holy Ghost.

MARRIAGE AND THE MARRIAGE

SUPPER OF THE LAMB
Another matter, which I have come. to understand
intuitively, is the exact significance of the marriage
of the Lamb, described in the Book of Revelation.
I regard it as a symbolic way of speaking of the
contemplative prayer of the mystics, in which they
are one with the Divine. The fundamental idea
conveyed by marriage is the union of two people.
In the prayer of contemplation, the union that takes
place is that of the human and the Divine Spirit,
the Holy Ghost. The supper of the Lamb indi-
cates the great joy that accompanies the union, In
a marriage feast, the utmost hilarity prevails and
the five senses get their fill of satisfaction. So in
contemplation there is almost measureless bliss.
It is interesting to compare with this the discipline
of a Jivan Mukta, as it was described to me by a pro-
found Saiva Siddhanta scholar. * A Jivan Mukta,'
is one who is intoxicated with. God, like a bee
which lies insensate, because of the abundant honey

124 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

it has sucked.' Just like the bee, the devout soul
sucks honey from different Scriptures, from the
different postures recommended for contemplation,
from different Bhaktis. At first it grasps with
the intellect and is in the sober realms. But, as it
proceeds, it becomes less and less ratiocinative,
being overwhelmed by feeling and in the last stage
it is absolutely overpowered by its abundantly bliss-
ful experience. Likewise in the meditation practis-
ed by Vedantins, the devotee enjoys the Divine
Being as an Effulgent Light. Then his thoughts
and feelings die, and his spiritual faculties enter,
or have already entered, into the blissful enjoyment
of union with the Highest Spirit.

A STILL, SMALL VOICE
I hear, besides, a still small voice always ; this
voice becomes stronger if my prayer that day has
been more intense than usual. This voice does
not say anything in particular, but is rather the
hearing of the stillness the still small voice of the
spirit. Such a voice seems to have been heard by
many saints. We read in i Kings xix. 12 that
Elijah heard a still small voice. This phrase has
been more accurately translated as ' a voice of ,fine
stillness ; ' my own experience makes clear this
translation to me. A Hindu Yogi told me that
such an inner voice would be heard when medi-
tation is practised. The following lines which occur
in the Tirumantram show that Tirumular was also
familiar with this voice.

The Holy Spirit will be glad,
. If I embrace her where nor day,

Nor night is known nor noise heard. 1

SPIRITUAL GI^TS

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uffiruifl pnGetsr.

REASONS FOR WRITING ABOUT THESE GIFTS

I have written in this strain of the dearest and
most valued of spiritual gifts not in a boastful
spirit, but because I feel convinced that a know-
ledge of these facts will serve to refute some of the
positions of the critics of the Bible and of Christia-
nity, who seem to move altogether on a lower mental
plane, judging things by what they understand with
their reason, and who are unaware of the achieve-
ments which are possible for men filled with the
Holy Spirit. Such critics say that miracles and
other supernatural phenomena are against natural
law, but they are in harmony with spiritual law
which is a higher law. The fact that men to-day
possess such gilts must necessarily make critics of
the supernatural in Christianity proceed with great
caution in their reasoning. I also think of the
wonderful possibilities before the Indian Church, if
these gifts were obtained on a large scale. Many
would be the independent workers that would arise,
to whom opportunities for work would be open ;
not because of their connexion with any organiza-
tion or mission ; but because of their spiritual power,
evident to all. And how the Church would expand
with a large number of such men to bear witness to
the power of Christ in living deed and powerful
utterance ! Such men, filled with spiritual power,
would not keep these things to themselves. For
it is a law of the spiritual life that it must be passed

126 PILGRIMAGE OF A

on. * Divine Fecundity,' say the great mystics of
the West, ' the bringing forth of new life, the
spreading of more light is the true object of the
soul's union with God. Those in whom this union
is perfected are called to a spiritual parenthood.
Like the salt, the light, the leaven of the Gospel,
they must not keep themselves to themselves.' l
As the Maharishi heard on the Himalayas, so they
will hear the message : ' The truth thou hast gained
the devotion and trustfulness that thou hast learned
-here go! make them known to the world.' May
God grant that there may be many such men,
possessing spiritual gifts, eager to impart them to
others and in that way spreading far and wide the
good news of the Kingdom of God.

1 Evelyn Underbill. !

CONCLUSION

LET not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither
let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the
rich man glory in his riches: but let him that glorieth
glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me,
that I am the Lord which exercise loving kindness,
judgment and righteousness, in the earth : for in
these things I delight, saith the Lord. jer. ix 23-4.

Recently I completed the seventy-sixth year of my
age. While I am deeply grateful to God for having
spared me for the threescore years and ten alloted
by the Psalmist and the extra years that have been
given to me by reason of strength, I am still more
thankful that I have been spared the labour and
sorrow that accompany declining age, but have
instead been blessed with new visions and fresh
delights that I had not dreamt of. I seem to
myself to stand on a sort of hill top, from which I
can review the past and the world around me as a
benevolent but disinterested spectator and catch
glimpses of the worlds beyond. The retrospect is
full of interest, if not also of comfort and pleasure.
The prospect is even more pleasing.

During my first twenty-four years, I lived and
grew up as a Hindu, first in the narrow and
cramping atmosphere of Kulasekarapatam, my
native town ; later on in * the wider and more
attractive environment of Palamcottah and Veera-
ragavapuram and finally amidst the stimulating and
quickening influences of the city of Madras,

128 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

Intellectually this period was one of growth and
development, of information, insight and discipline.
I learned many things from books and teachers, but
still more from the rough and tumble of life through
which I had carefully and laboriously to pick my
way. Spiritually the period was one of searching,
of groping and of yearning. With patience and
devotion I passed through every religious ex-
perience and excitement available within the Hindu
fold, studied the scriptures and sang the hymns of
the Hindus, with devotion and ecstacy. But my
spiritual thirst was not then satisfied. I still
experienced a feeling of dissatisfaction and
discomfort, of emptiness and hunger.

In every life which is meant to be a life of
achievement, there must be a period of emancipation
and liberty. During the years in which I lived and
studied in Madras, and discussed with my friends
and meditated seriously on the important issues of
this, life and the next, my eyes were gradually
opened, the fear of demons and evil spirits in which
I had been brought up disappeared, the supersti-
tions and prejudices, the age long restrictions
devised by custom and the still more exacting
limitations imposed by rules of caste fell away and
ceased to exert their influence. If intellectually
the period of my conversion was one of emancipa-
tion, morally and spiritually, it coincided with a
rebirth resulting in a strange feeling of freshness
and joy, and peace and confidence for the future.
Instead of - ; depending on- myself and the forces
around me, which had as much power for evil as for
good, I learnt to depend upon a pure and holy God

STRENUOUS LIFE 129

and to walk with confidence by reason of that
dependence. The future had no terrors and the
uncertainty of life had no anxiety for me at that
stage. I felt that the Lord who had begun a
good work in me will continue it unto the end.

Then came thirty years of strenuous life which I
ventured to describe as the period of wandering in
the wilderness, after obtaining liberty from the
bondage of Egypt. Though obtaining daily susten-
ance from the manna of heaven and often favoured
with delectable Elims and sublime Sinais of
spiritual experience, it was still a period of doubt
and anxiety, of weariness and wandering, of worldly
burdens and incessant exertions. The cares of
family life, the numerous obligations and anxieties
arising from property and the continuous work and
worry connected with my profession, left but scanty
leisure for spiritual progress or study. No doubt
Providence has arranged that in the best years of
one's life we should procure for ourselves and for
those depending on us the sustenance and the
comforts that one will need in old age, and that
others may require during years of youth, or
sickness, or preparation for life. The Grahastha ' I
stage of life is at least as valuable as the earlier or
Brahmacharya 2 stage ; but what most people iail to
realize is that by themselves these two stages lead
only half way through existence and that they must
still go through the forest or Vanaprastha 3 stage of

1 Grahastha married man.

8 Brahmacharya unmarried student.

3 Vanaprastkama.n\&& man living in a forest with his family and
devoting himself to prayer and meditation. This is an accepted
Hindu classification of the different stages of life,

17

130 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

meditation .and devotion and spiritual insight if
they are to make the most of life. I consider it a
special blessing and ground of thankfulness that I
was allowed to enjoy new visions and new experi-
ences of a kind that would have been impossible in
the earlier periods. The deeper study of the Hindu
and the Christian Scriptures, and the influences
that have passed during this stage into my life
were of a kind to stimulate and quicken it. The
new lessons that I have learnt from the service that
I have been permitted to do, and the fresh and
ever-joyous experience of communion with the
divine have so invigorated and blessed my life, that
I look back with gratitude to the past and with
confidence to the future, and to the still more
splendid vistas for which I have been prepared
during the past years of searching and wandering
and effort.

In conclusion, I am constrained to utter from the
depths of my heart the words : Praise God, O my
Soul, and all that is within me praise Him. And,

my Soul, Praise God for all his loving kindness
and goodness. Many and varied are the blessings
for which I have to lift up my heart in praise and
thanksgiving to God. For the many opportunities

1 have been given to -preach the Gospel and to bear
testimony to Hindus and Christians alike by tongue
and pen to the power of Christ, for the entire and
marvellous freedom from the difficulties and
anxieties, whether caused by financial embarrass-
ment, sickness or worldly trouble, which many of
my own friends who became converts to. Christianity
had in the last days of their life, for the friendly

THANKSGIVING isi

and cordial relationships with Hindus and Chris-
tians alike, for the friendships I have had with
learned, rich and influential men before whom I
have been able not infrequently to place the claims
of the Gospel, for the privilege I have had of
entertaining in my house again and again several
children of God for all these and numerous other
blessings, too many to be recounted here, I offer
with a humble heart and grateful spirit my utmost
thanks to God. May He enable the reader to
proceed further beyond whatever may be his present
stage of accomplishment, avoiding the snares and
pitfalls into which I fell but, be guided, inspired
and blessed by the same loving God whose
abundant mercies have rested upon me, day by day,
yea, hour by hour.

A HISTORICAL SKETCH OF SOME

LEADING CONVERTS TO

CHRISTIANITY 1

' These _ that have turned the world upside down have come
hither also ' (ACTS xvii, 6.)

DEWAN BAHADUR -A. S. APPASAMI PILLAI
showed me his autobiography in manuscript, and
asked me to write short sketches of the lives of
the -men who influenced his career before and after his
conversion to Christianity. I have known Mr.
Appasami Pillai all my life, and intimately so for
over quarter of a century, and I have great pleasure
in complying with his request, in the hope that these
sketches however imperfect may be instrumental
in influencing the lives of some of the readers.

About the middle of last century, the impact
of Western ideas and Christian ideals with the
Eastern culture and philosophy produced unrest in
the minds of thoughtful and religious persons, and
the result of this unrest manifested itself in various
forms. In Bengal men, like Ram Mohan Roy and
Keshub Chunder Sen, were shocked at the idola-
trous worship they found round them and felt the
want of a pure and uplifting religion. They founded
a new cult or religion, called the Brahmo Samaj,
based mainly on the teachings of Christ, The
doctrines of the Brahmo Samaj are almost the same

1 This chapter has been contributed by the Hon'ble Mr. Justice
M. D. Devadoss Pillai,

CONVERTS

as those of the Unitarians. They rejected as false
the pantheism of the Hindus and acknowledged only
one God, the Father of all. The fatherhood of God
and the brotherhood of man were their watchwords.
They set their face against the pernicious caste
system, which is the curse of this land and which
is responsible for the present state of India,

In Madras men like the late Sadagopa Charlu
tried to establish what was known as the Veda
Samaj. The main principles of that cult were that
there was only one God, that idolatry was not sanc-
tioned by the Vedas and that the caste system was
opposed to 'the teachings of the Vedas and Upani-
skadas. They tried to explain as allegorical the
Sloka, which was held to sanction idol worship
and to perpetuate the caste system.

Their attempt to explain away the Sloka 1 so dear
to the heart of the supporters of idol worship and
the caste system, provoked a storm and all the
Pundits 2 opposed the teachings of the Veda Samaj.

The same unrest was felt in the Tinnevelly
district. The efforts of the Protestant missionaries
was a direct challenge to the thoughtful and to
the religious section of the Hindu community. The
C.M.S. was under the leadership of men like
Rhenius, Schaffter, Thomas and Ragland, and the
S.P.G. under men like Dr. Caldwell, Huckstable
and Brotherton. These were not only men of great
learning and deep piety but also of overflowing love
to the people of the land, 'Their one object was

1 Sloka means a verse. This and the other footnotes to this
paper by the Hon'ble Justice Mr. M. D. Devadoss are added by me
by way of elucidation. A.S.A.

8 Pundits, or learned men,

1M PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

the establishment of Christ's kingdom in Tinne-
velly. Their efforts met with various degrees of
success. There were conversions from the different
classes of Hindu society, Brahmin, Vellalah,
Marava, Reddi, Naick and Nadar. Several Roman
Catholic families also became Protestants.

The same influences that gave to Bengal Ram
Mohan Roy, Keshub Chunder Sen, Kali Charan
Banerji and Ramachandra Bose, and to Madras,
Sadagopa Charlu and the Veda Samajists, produced
in the Tinnevelly district the subjects of the
following sketches. Their general characteristics
were these :

(i) They were all bigoted Hindus. (2) They
were endowed by nature with powerful and vigorous
intellects, (3) They were well versed in the litera-
ture and philosophy of the Hindus. (4) Their
minds were pure and they sought after the truth.
(5) Their reason refused to accept as true popular
Hinduism. (6) Philosophic Hinduism did not
satisfy their ardent and earnest souls. (7) Their
minds would not be satisfied till their belief could
accord with reason. (8) Their courage was equal
to their conviction and love of truth. (9) The motive
spring of their action was pure and free from the
taint of worldly prospects or ambition. (10) Their
change of faith was after a full examination of the
cardinal principles of Christianity and Hinduism.

The sixth decade of the last century marks
an important epoch in the history of Christianity in
Tinnevelly. A number of young men of good
family connexions became students in Mr. Cruick"
shanks' school in Palamcottah. Mr. Cruickshanks,

LEADING CONVERTS 135

who was blind from his twelfth year, was a man of
considerable learning and deep piety. His gentle
and loving nature endeared him to his students and
his name is cherished and revered to this day by
his old pupils, Hindu and Christian alike. One of
the finest products of his school, a high class
Hindu, 1 nephew of a Tahsildar, became a convert
and, after being a teacher in the school for some
years, went to Madras where he became the leading
Indian missionary of the day. His children of the
second and third generation are the pillars of the
C.M.S. in Madras. It is said that he declined a
a suffragan bishopric in order that he might devote
himself to his work in Madras..

I will now deal with the lives of a group of seven
young men, who were intimately connected with
one another, and who in the sixth decade of the last
century, embraced the Christian faith within a few
years of one another. As my main object is to
give some idea of the problems they had to solve
and the difficulties and trials they had to undergo, I
think it best to omit their names and indicate their
identity by their peculiar traits and achievements. 2
These young men may be grouped thus : as two
brothers, two other brothers and their brother-in-law,
and two intimate friends. The two sets of brothers
were the pupils of Tirupalkadalnatha Kavirayar, 3

1 The Rev. W. T. Sattianadhan, B.D,.

3 I have taken the liberty of mentioning the names in footnotes for
the benefit of my readers, who can then understand the nature and
extent of the influence of these men on me. For this purpose, my
book My Conversion^ (pp. 3-4) and the numerous references in this
book itself to these men should be consulted. A.S.A,

3 Kavirayar or poet-teacher,

136 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

a Pundit of considerable repute at the time. Know-
ledge in those days could not be bought, but had to
be acquired by constant application and hard study.
The four men were the Ghelas r of the Kavirayar and
had to do his household work for a considerable
time. They washed his clothes, helped him to
cook his food as he was a widower and did other
indoor and out-door work before he condescended
to teach them Tamil grammar. One of the young
men knew more of Tamil literature than the Kavi-
rayar, but in order to learn grammar he had to be
his Chela. The four young men became Munshis 2
shortly after to European missionaries and mission
institutions. The oldest of the seven men 3 a man
of great culture, liberal views and hospitable dispo-
sition boldly stood out for Christ forsaking his dear
wife and child. After some time his wife joined
him. Then, finding that the work of a Munshi did
not give him scope for his talents, he became a
merchant and a public spirited citizen. He was
Municipal Councillor in Palamcottah for years and
for some time was the most outstanding figure in
the Christian community of his day. He was a
man of large heart and amiable disposition. He
was an accomplished musician and had a great taste
for art. He was greatly respected by Europeans
and Indians alike and his works on Tamil grammar
and physiology are well-known.

His younger brother, 4 who was Munshi to the
saintly Ragland, was greatly struck by the Christ-

* Chelas or pupils. 2 Munshi is a teacher Qf lan

3 Mr. Jesudasen Kavirayar.

4 Mr. T. A. Jothinayagam Pillai, who later on 'was my friend
and fellow-preacher for twelve years. ' ?"

LEADING CONVERTS 137

like conduct of his pupil and, after considerable
searching of heart, was convinced of the truth of
Christianity, and became a convert forsaking his
dear wife and child. The successful raid which he
and his friends made upon his wife's relations, by
which he carried off his young child, could well
form the subject of a romance. His wife, a
woman of sweet temper, joined him soon after and
his aged mother some years later on. His nature
was gentle and he never lost faith in his Saviour,
even amidst the worst trials and family afflictions.
After being a Munshi, coffee planter, and merchant
he spent the evening of his life as a literary mission-
ary and the Church in Tinnevelly owes much to his
work. It might be said of him that, ' He was a
convert in whom there was no guile ! '

The brother-in-law 1 of these two brothers, who
was a pupil in Mr. Cruickshanks' school, belonged
to the priestly class among the Sivites. He was a
man of great industry and clear intellect. He felt
convinced of the truth of Christianity, he gave up
his high social position and caste privileges in order
to become a humble follower of Christ. His
learning and industry enabled him to rise rapidly in
Government service, and in his department he
reached the highest post then open to a native of
India. He has left a name for honesty, industry
and purity of public life. Men capable of judging
of his merits have said, ' He has won the general
esteem of the people of the division in which he
lived by his uprightness of conduct and powers of

1 Mr. W. E. Ganapathy Pillai.
18

138 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

conciliation. He is painstaking, thorough, and may
be trusted to do his work with judgment and ability.'
His only son has retired as a Deputy Collector in
the Government service and his son-in-law is Dewan
Bahadur Appasamy Pillai. Many are the persons
who even now acknowledge their indebtedness to
him for their position, property and education.

Of the first set of two brothers the younger, 1
in his seventeenth year, became a Munshi to the
Rev. P. P. Schaffter at Nallur. The late Rev.
H. Schaffter, Principal of the C.M.S. College,
Tinnevelly, who was a boy at that time, playfully
attempted many a time to rub off the Namam 2 from
the Munshi' s forehead. Mr. Sargent engaged his
services as a Munshi and he was also the Munshi in
Mr. Cruickshanks' school. His elder brother was
employed as Pundit in the S.P.G. Seminary at
Sawyerpuram.

Two young men were students in Mr. Cruick-
shanks' school. One, who belonged to the Raju caste 3
was the son-in-law of the Public Prosecutor of
the time and the other belonged to a good family
in the town of Tinnevelly. 4 They became intimate
friends of the Munshi. They were nearly of the
same age, the Munshi being the oldest of the three.
The Munshi was a man of powerful intellect and
wonderful memory. He knew by heart the whole of
the N annul, Kural^ and all the didactic poems and

1 Mr. E. Muthiah Pillai.

8 Namam, the Vaishnavite caste-mark on the forehead.
3 Dr. W. E. Dhanikoti Raju.

* Manakavala Perumal Pillai. He took the Christian name of
Edward Pillai.

LEADING CONVERTS 139

nearly the whole of Kumba Ramayanam. He had
studied all the great epics and philosophic works
in the Tamil language. The Raju was endowed
with an acute, intellect and an analytical mind.
The third young man was a born mathematician.
These three were earnest, God-fearing and pure-
minded young men. They had lost faith in Hinduism
as a result of the close study of the Puranas,
they began to study the Christian Scriptures;
and met morning and evening and discussed
the merits of Hinduism and Christianity.

Their spare hours were devoted to the study
of religious books. The Munshi who had lost faith
in Hinduism, popular and philosophic, was seeking
for something pure and holy. He was attracted
by the simple life and beautiful character of Christ,
which were in distinct contrast to those of the
various Avathars 1 and emanations, who were mostly
selfish and cruel and exhibited in a marked degree
human failings and weaknesses as will be seen
from the Puranas. Christ was on a plane, higher,
purer and nobler than that of any teacher, Saint,
Rishi, 2 or Avathar that Hinduism could show.
The three friends began to seek for the evidences
of Christianity. Paley's Evidences was carefully
studied. They discussed the problems of life, death
and eternal punishment. What appealed to the
Munshi most was the doctrine of reconciliation, of
mercy and justice as expounded by the Christian
theologians. 3 The three applied to the missionaries

1 Avathars or Incarnations. 2 Rishi or Seer,

3 See Appendix II.

140 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

to resolve their doubts. Mr. Cruickshanks helped
them, as much as he could, and recommended to
them the study of various books which they borrow-
ed from the missionaries. They carefully examined
the pros and cons of every doctrine, and applied the
critical faculty, and the mental training acquired by
a study of Hindu Philosophy, to the test of the
Christian doctrines of the Atonement, Predestina-
tion and so on. They accepted as true only what
their reason permitted them to believe. After a
preparation of some years, they were convinced
that Christ was the only Saviour of men, and
they made up their minds to come out boldly,
forsaking their parents, brothers and sisters. No
missionary prompted or held out any inducement to
them to change their faith. They counted as loss,
social position and all the advantages which their
birth and religion gave them, in order to act up
to their convictions. Mr. Sargent was greatly
surprised when he heard that they had made up
their minds to become Christians as he had known
them to be staunch Hindus.

They refused to be baptized until the missionaries
gave up some of their pet theories and foolish
practices with regard to the wearing of the
Kudumi, 1 and as to how Christians should eat,
drink, and dress. The trials they endured, the
difficulties they overcame and the odium and social
ostracism they suffered, it is unnecessary to mention
here. Their mutual friendship ended only with
death. They were more like brothers than friends.

1 Kudumi, or tuft of hair.

LEADING CONVERTS 141

Their lives were pure and spotless. They were
liberal in their views and charitable in their disposi-
tion. They were puritanic in most of their concep-
tions and in their life.

The Munshi learned enough English to sit for
the Matriculation Examination in the year 1867, but
failed to pass as he forgot to write his number on the
answer paper. He became familiar with philosophic
writers like John Stewart Mill, Spencer, Huxley
and others. In later years he read books on the
higher criticism and carefully studied Christlieb
and other German writers. His house in Palam-
cottah was the meeting place on Sunday mornings
after divine service of all the converts for the
discussion of religious and social questions. He
made himself familiar with Cook's Boston Monday
Lectures which came out in the eighties.

A few years after his conversion he was selected
in a competitive examination, open to all the Pundits
of the Presidency, for the place of referee to the
Tamil Bible Revision Committee. The Revision
Bible Committee was composed of the representa-
tives of the various missions working in South
India, such as Dr. Caldwell (afterwards Bishop),
the Rev. E. Sargent (afterwards Bishop), Brotherton,
Dr. Scudder, Dr. Bower and several others. While
he worked at the revision of the Tamil Bible he
was selected to edit the Jnana Vinodkini in prefer-
ence to the late Mr. Krishnama Chari, a noted
educationist and scholar in Madras. He edited it
in conjunction with his friend the Raju who was
then a struggling medical practitioner. He gave it
up when he left Madras for Tinnevelly.

142 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

He was offered a lucrative appointment by the
Inspector-General of Registration, the Hon'ble Mr.
Ramayyangar, to whom he taught the Kamba-
Ramayanaw when he was in Purse wakam, Madras.
He declined it on account of his mother's failing
health who objected to his leaving Palamcottah
before her death. The mother, a very intelligent
woman, was convinced of the truth of Christianity
through the offices of the Raju and had accepted
Christianity some years before. He was for a time
Tamil Pundit in the short-lived C.M.S. College
of which the Rev. Mr. Peake was Principal. He
established in partnership with the other friend, the
mathematician, a mercantile business. Friends and
foes said that they could not be merchants without
telling lies. They said they would trade without
telling lies. They marked on each article its price
and said there was no bargaining allowed. People
were astonished at this simple device, and their
business prospered and is still being carried on by
the second generation. He became a large export
merchant and did good business in exporting
jaggery to England. He exported senna and start-
ed a salt credit-order business which he carried on
successfully for years. During this interval he
defended the Christian faith whenever it was assailed.
He published, about 1879, the book Mariolatry
Condemned in answer to the Worship of Mary, by
G. P. Soundaranayagam Pillai, High Court Vakil
of Vannarpett, Tinnevelly Bridge, a Jaffanese who
had a good knowledge of Tamil. The Vedanta
Vicharanasabah of Madras published a pamphlet
asking a number of questions about matter, the

LEADING CONVERTS 143

origin of the world, creation and other things
and issued it broadcast. He replied to their
questions by Answer to the Vedanta, Vichrana
Sabayar^ and showed the manuscript to Bishop
Sargent on the Jubilee Day and had it published at
the expense of the C. M. S. Mission. - He wrote in
1894 Christavar Acharamum Gurumarpothakamum
in connection with the controversy then raging
about dropping caste titles, during the publication
of banns of marriage. He began to publish in the
Narpothkam, Vedanta Saram, an examination of the
teachings of the Vedas and Upanishads a work
greatly admired by the Saiva Siddhantis. His
untimely death in 1895 abruptly terminated the
publication. His life was pure, simple and free
from self-seeking and guile. His word was as good
as a bond. His love of truth was such that there
was no going back upon what he said.

His wonderful memory and his readiness in
applying the rules of grammar to the solution of
difficulties during the conferences of the Bible
Revision Committee greatly astonished the mem-
bers. Bishop Caldwell, a man of great scholarship
and European reputation, had the highest admira-
tion for him. A generation later when some people
wanted to revise the Tamil version of the Book
of Common Prayer in 1890, the Munshi was
requested to be* a member and Bishop Caldwell,
who was unable to attend, wrote to Mr. Wyatt, the
Chairman, that his views were* those of the Munshi
and he would gladly subscribe to whatever the
Munshi might say. This testimony opened the
eyes of the members of the Committee to the

144 PILGRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

wisdom and scholarship of the Munshi. He was
a man of strong faith. During his last illness his
brother told him to pray to God that He might give
long life ; to which the reply was, ' I was attacked
with a serious illness in 1876 and I prayed thus to
the Lord, " Give me life until my boy is of an age to
take care of my family ' ' and He has granted me
more than I had asked for and I will not ask for
life now.' He said to his eldest son two nights
before his death, ' Be courageous, be courageous.
I would gladly say Hallelujah and pass away, it is
only for you that I care.' He gave his boys and
girls a sound education, and it was his desire not
to leave much wealth for his children, lest they
should become indolent, wasteful and careless.

The Raju, whose Hindu wife had become a
convert some years after his conversion, joined the
Madras Medical College, took the M.B.C.M.
degree, set up as a private medical practitioner and
soon rose to the highest rank v in the profession.
He became the intimate friend and confidant of
men like the late Sir T. Mahadeva Rao, the
Hon'ble Mr. Ramayyanger, Sir T. Muthusamy
Ayyar, Mr. Ramachandra Ayyar, High Court Vakil,
and afterwards Chief Judge in Travancore, and
Judge in the Chief Court, Mysore, Professor
Ranganathan Mudaliar and a number of the most
leading men in Madras. The late Maharaja of Tra-
vancore became his friend, visited him in%is house
at San Thome and granted him concessions in his
State for a match factory. The Raju's intellect
could turn everything he read to practical account.
He published a very useful book on Hygiene before

CONVERTS 145

he left college. He was made a Fellow v of the
Madras University about 1896. He turned his
attention to the improvement of the industries of
the country and his practical wisdom devised
various schemes for its industrial and commercial
regeneration. The weekly steamer service between
Tuticorin and Colombo became a daily one^ owing
to his competition by running steamers between
these ports. His salt factory at Arumuganeri has
proved that purer salt could be manufactured than
at other factories. It has been the means of lower-
ing the price of salt, and has benefited his nume-
rous friends and others. He made a prolonged
tour in Europe in 1887 and 1888, and, after his
return, turned his attention to hydropathy and
started a hydropathic establishment in Palamcottah.
His many-sided activities are too numerous for
detailed mention here. He was enthusiastic in all
that he did and he lived a pure and blameless life.
The industrial concerns have been his legacy to
his family, who are among the most respected
members of Indian Christian society in Madras.

The third friend, whom I will designate as the
mathematician, after a successful career as a teacher
of mathematics in the high school under Mr. Spratt,
devoted himself to commerce, and was the lifelong
partner of the Munshi in the business, known as
Edward & Co., Palamcottah. He was a loyal friend
and a guileless Christian. During good fortune
and bad fortune he stuck with 'commendable loyalty
to the friend of his youth and their friendship was
beautiful and lovely. After his premature death,
the Munshi took, his son into partnership, and the
19

146

son now parties on the business of the two friends, a
business started nearly sixty years ago. His son has
since married a daughter of the deceased Munshi.

His family was one of the blessed and happy
families in this district. His life of piety and
simplicity elicited the admiration of all. He was
gentle and had a winning smile for all. He never
wavered from the simple faith he had in his Lord
and, when he died in 1890, the Rev. J. Barton, who
had taken Bishop Sargent's place and who had
not known him, heard of the story of his conversion,
and offered to pay his respects to the departed by.
conducting the burial service, which he did with
the consent of the family and friends.

The elder brother of the Munshi who was a
Pundit at Sawyerpuram was a bigoted Vaishnavite. l
It was the practice of his father to read every day,
before he took his midday meal, a portion of
Kamban's Ramayanam^ which he read to an admir-
ing audience. The Pundit very often was asked
to read the stanzas which the father explained. By
the time he was sixteen years old, his father died
and he then knew the whole of Kamban's Ramaya-
nam. He was well acquainted with literature and
wanted to study grammar. He borrowed a copy
of the N annul with Virthiyurai) 2 and asked his
brother, the Munshi, to copy it so that he might
study it. The younger brother by copying the
Nanmtlon. cadjan 3 became a proficient in grammar
and his elder brother began to read Nannul. He
became a Munshi at Sawyerpuram. Mr. Huckstable:

1 H. A. Krishna Pillai. a Virthiyurai or elaborate commentary.
* Cadjan or palm leaves,

LEADING CONVERTS

asked the Pundit innocently what objection he had
to becoming a convert. The moment the question
was put, the Pundit indignantly threw up his
appointment and left Sawyerpuram. He was then
a married man with a wife and three children.
When he found that his brother, the Munshi, whom
he loved as his own soul, had taken an irrevocable
step he was very grieved and went to Madras, where
he was employed as a Pundit in the Presidency
College* Dr. Percival, who was the Superintendent
of the Vernacular studies, asked the Pundit to
teach him Ramayanam which he taught to him
before daybreak every day for some time. He
knew all about the Christian religion, but being a
bigoted Vaishnavite he did not want to give up his
social position and to forsake his family. Being
thoroughly convinced of the truth of Christianity and
of the hollowness of the Hindu religion, he took the
rite of baptism from the hands of Dr. Symmonds of
Sullivan's Gardens, Madras. On his return to Palam-
cottah, the S.P.G. claimed him as its own and he
was Tamil Pundit at Sawyerpuram until 1876. The
C.M.S. sought for his services and he accepted the
place of Tamil Pundit of the College at Palam-
cottah, and, even after the removal of the College
to Tinnevelly, he continued to be its head Tamil
Pundit until 1887, when he was invited to be the
head Tamil Pundit of the Maharaja's College,
Trivandram, which post he resigned in 1890 and
undertook the management of D. Raju's salt
factory at Kulasakarapatam. At the earnest re-
quest of the Rev. T* Walker and other friendsj
he became; a literary missionary in 1892 and

148 HLGfRIMAGE OF A CONVERT

continued to be such till his death in February:' 190.0.
Though he exceeded the Psalmist's. span of life of
threescore and ten years, his vigour of intellect was
not abated and his latest works bear testimony to
the clearness of his mind and reason. He bore to
the last his great love of truth and hatred of sham.
Nothing aroused his ungovernable temper so much
as meanness, trickery or falsehood. His life was
puritanic in its simplicity. He loved all those he
came in contact with, and was ready to help others,
even at considerable inconvenience to himself and
his family. His presence always inspired confi-
dence in his friends and awe in those opposed to
him in religion. He was as simple as a child in
his dealings with others, and young and old loved
the commanding and stately presence and hand:
some face of one of the tallest of men. From the
day of his conversion his great passion was to win
souls for Christ. His conversation and his conduct
soon won the esteem and confidence of many
thoughtful young men of good social position.
Men like Mr. Appasami Pillai were influenced
more by the conduct and behaviour of the Pundit
than by any direct preaching. He never asked
people to become Christians, but only expounded
the truth of Christianity and exposed the shallow-
ness of Hinduism and left it to his hearers to make
their choice. His house was always open to
catechumens and converts. He loved converts as
his spiritual children. His ungovernable temper
hq tried to curb as much as possible, as he consider-
ed it a sin to give way to passion however righteous
$he indignation might be, and he often shed tears

T:;: a FADING: CONVERTS. : 149

after the outburst was over. His services and
efforts to convert Hindus were nobly acknowledged
:by the Metropolitan of India, who, during a visit to
Tinnevelly in 1876, pointed to him in Trinity
.Church, Palamcottah, and said, * You have convert-
:ed many a Hindu and may you live long to convert
more men to the Christian religion.' He almost
lived; in an atmosphere of poetry.

His great poetic gifts were placed at the service
of; his Master. He published in the sixties the
Ratchanya Navanitkam^ a work of great merit
embodying the truths of Christianity and exposing
the hollo wness of Hinduism. More than twenty
years after its publication he happened to meet
Mr. Vedanayagam Pillai, the District Munsiff of
Mayavaram, a great lyric poet, whose songs and
lyrics are deservedly popular among Christians and
Hindus alike. The latter quoted one of the
beautiful stanzas of the Ratchanya Navanitkam and
said, 'Are you not he that composed this beautiful
stanza?' He corrected and edited Vedapcrul
/4/^;##72<32 by Vedamanikka Nadan of Sawyerpuram.
This is a metrical version of the Bible. He. was
attracted very early in. his life by the simple allegory
of.' Bunyan 5 s Pilgrim* s Progress. He therein
found the trials, difficulties, the temptations, the
hard struggle, the tedious journey and the final
victory of a convert like himself,. ,and he made, up
his mind to embody the career .of a true convert in
the beautiful, Epic of Ratchanya Yatrikam. \. . It is
-not a ;Tamil. version. .of .the PUgnm'A Pvagmss. . .As

y&trikam, .literally,, pilgrimageior'salvation, .

150 PILGRIMAGE of A CONVERT

the Madras Mail said in 1892, .* Ratchonya Yatrikam
is to Pilgrim's Progress what the plays of Shakes-
peare are to the Lives of Plutarch! Most of it was
composed between the years 1887 and 1890 and it
was published in 1892 by the S.P.C.K. Press,
Madras. Hindu Pundits of great scholarship
acknowledged the work to be on a par with
Kamban's Ramayanam. It avoids the profanities,
exaggerations, and grotesqueness of some portions
of Kamban's great work. Its language is fairly
simple. The cadence of each verse is like music.
The highest truths of Christianity are clothed in
chaste and simple Tamil and the music of some
of the songs and Tkevarams 1 is exquisite. It
will live as long as the language itself and,
taking all things into consideration, such a work
has not appeared since the days of Kamban.

The Pundit published in the early eighties
Elakana Sudamani^ a Tamil grammar in simple
language. As a literary missionary he corrected all
the various publications of the C.L.S. His work, the
Ratckanya Manoharam, embodies the experiences
of a Christian, his love, his longing, his doubts,
his hours of seeming despair, the dawn of light,
peace of mind and final victory. Some of his
unpublished works are in the hands of his Executors
and it is hoped they will soon be published by them
or by the Y. M. C. A. What appealed most to the
Pundit and his brother, the Munshi, in the Christian
religion was the doctrine which reconciles justice
with, mercy. No other religion has < brought this

1 Thevarattis,. literally t. garlands for God, Devotional hymns.

LEADING CONVERTS 1S1

out. They were familiar as Hindus with the
character and the mission of Avathars. But the
doctrine of Atonement is peculiar to Christianity.
It is the higher side of the Christian religion that
appealed to highly critical and cultured minds like
those of the Pundit, his brother and Mr. Appasami
Pillai. The Pundit's wife and children joined him
some years after his conversion, and he was blessed
in his daughters and in his grandchildren who are
among the leaders of the community.

The example and the teachings of the galaxy of
these seven men bore abundant fruit. One of the
earliest 1 was a scion of the well-known Pillayan
family of Tinnevelly, which was once the renters of
this district from the Naicks of Madura. He was a
pupil of Cruickshanks' school and was influenced
greatly by the example of the three friends, who
taught him the principles of the Christian religion.
His father and relations, coming to know of his
intention to become a Christian, got him married
and sent him to the Tiruvaduthurai Mutt, where he
was kept in close confinement for six months.
One night he escaped and took shelter in a humble
Christian's house and managed with very great
difficulty to reach Palamcottah. When Mr. Sargent
heard the news of his escape he went to see the
three friends and exclaimed as soon as he saw them,
' K has escaped ! K has escaped P He belonged to
one of the richest and most influential families in
the district, and he counted father, mother, social
position and caste privileges as nothing for Christ's

1 Mr. Kanthimathinatba Pillai.

152 PILGRIMAGE: QF^ 'CDN.VERT

sake. , He was a: bright example of what one could,
give up for the sake. o. conviction: and: faith.:. Many
years afterwards, he got a portion 6| his share of
his', family' property and his x life was blessed and
his home a happy one. He married the eldest
daughter \ of the Pundit, a highly intellectual and
charming woman of great beauty. He was blessed
in his children to whom he.:gave a liberal 'and sound-
education.- They are some .of the most esteemed
members of the Christian community. .He rose to
positions of trust and responsibility in the Govern-
ment, service. . He was a pillar of the Church and a
member of the Church Council, until he left Palam-
cottah on promotion in the public service.

Another convert was from Kottur near Palam-
cottah, 1 and to his credit it must be said that he
induced two of his, brothers, a sister and finally the
bigoted Hindu father to become Christians. One of
that mighty race is still spared to us in the person
of Dewan Bahadur Appasamy Pillai. Though he
did not belong to that set of seven but to a later one,
yet he exemplifies in his life the good qualities of
those whose lives he carefully watched and studied,
Mr. Appasamy Pillai belongs to a respectable
high class Hindu family and came early under the
influence of the Pundit at Sawyerpuram. His
aversion to Christianity and Christians wore away in
the study of the loving, simple-minded, pure-souled
Pundit, who exhibited in his conduct' the .virtues:
of a child of Christ. Mr. Appasamy Pillai was
not one to take, anything on trust. He weighed

*LMr. Ramasamy PUlai,

LEADING CONVERTS 153

everything calmly in the light of reason. He went
to Madras and studied the Brahmo Samaj religion
and was convinced of the folly and futility of
idolatry. He examined every Christian doctrine in
the light of reason, and, after years of patient study,
meditation and prayer, he resolved to forsake father,
mother, brothers, sisters, and relations for the sake
of Christ. He was baptized by Mr. Symmonds who
had baptized his Guru, the Pundit. I do not wish
to speak here of his early trials, choice of profession,
marriage, his success in life and his wisdom in
the management of his numerous concerns, as his
autobiography is before the reader ; but I will
confine myself to a notice of what I consider his
outstanding characteristics. The one great thing
noticeable is his thirst for knowledge. Even in the
evening of his life he seeks knowledge and light for
their own sake, and is prepared to seek them with
equal zeal in the lecture hall of the philosopher as
well as in the kudam 1 of a cottage, and from the
learned and the unlearned alike. It was said of
Gladstone that his hatter had had to take the mea-
surements of his head once in ten years as it grew
in size. Though Mr. Appasamy Pillai's head does
not grow visibly in size, yet his spiritual knowledge
and experience have been growing. Mr. Appa-
samy Pillai has always been aspiring after perfec-
tion. He was led to the feet of Christ by the
example of the Pundit at Sawyerpuram, whom he
found to be scrupulously honest, truthful, loving,
humble and full of Christian charity. He is never
satisfied with what he has achieved. He weighs

1 Kudam or the front part,
20

154 PILGRIMAGE OP A CONVERT

every thing : with calmness and sobriety and; is never
.fluttered. As a vakil he was known for his deep
insight into men and things and his knowledge of
law, though not vast, was deep. What he read he
digested and made his own. His innate shrewd-
ness always exposed to him the weakness of the
opponent. He may be said to be a magnet pointing
to the pole of spiritual perfection. Another good
trait is his desire to impart to others what he
considers good for himself. His religion is not a
selfish one seeking only to save his own soul. His
ambition is to diffuse the knowledge of Christ, He
is anxious that others should have his spiritual
experience. He retired from his profession twenty
years ago and I consider the last twenty years to be
the, most fruitful period of his life. He is always
tactful and tries to avoid giving offence. He is
not dogmatic or narrow-minded. He is ready to
see the good in others. He studies Hinduism to
see how the cardinal principles of that system can
be reconciled with Christian doctrine's.

His mind is ever active and it is a religious treat
to have a talk with him. If his vigorous intellect
had been early trained in Western science and
philosophy, he could have helped to solve suc-
cessfully some of the problems which Western
thinkers have been unable to solve. That he is
held in the highest esteem by Europeans, Indian
Christians and non-Christians alike goes without
saying. His spiritual experience has been gradually
growing. He sees visions and dreams dreams.
From a record of his experiences I am led to think
he is a mystic. His prayers for the sick have often

LEADING CONVERT S 155

been heard. He believes he has the power of
healing and, knowing him as I do, I can say he has no
hallucinations. May he be spared for long years to
be a beacon light to the Christians of his land. He
is happy in his children. He has given his sons
the most liberal education obtainable in Madras, in
England, and in America. One of his sons, a most
distinguished graduate of the Madras and Cambridge
Universities, occupies a high Judicial Office in
Madras and is destined to rise to a seat in the
highest court of the land. Another son is a dis-
tinguished graduate of an American University and
Oxford, and has begun to do literary work of a high
order. One of his daughters is a graduate of the
Madras University. In his case the promise ' Seek
ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness
and all these things shall be added unto you' has
been amply fulfilled.

It is these men that have raised the Christian
community of the district socially, morally and
spiritually to the high level in which we now find it.
Before their time the Christians were a despised
class. They were often branded with the name
of rice Christians, that is, men who changed their
faith for worldly advancement, or for filthy lucre.
The character and example of these men have
shown the world what Christianity can do to intellec-
tual men j who started life with a strong bias
against Christianity and Christians.

; ^v y : ' /; : M. D., DEVADOSS*

JtoAMGCXTTAH,- '-_ ~ '..: .

June 2^ 1922*

APPENDIX I

THE SUBSTANCE OF SANKARA'S PHILOSOPHY

1. (1) The Brahman is the only thing that is True ;
(2) the world is illusory ; (3) the soul is Brahman and
nothing else. Brahman is Nirguna but all intelligent.
The world though illusory, for all practical purposes, is
real. 'Tat Tvam asi' 'Thou art that' is his great
teaching. 1

2. He who knows Brahman is Brahman, for there is
nothing worth gaining, there is nothing worth enjoying,
there is nothing worth knowing but Brahman alone.
Max Muller further says that 'We can hardly blamd
Sankara for taking refuge in the theory of a Lower and a
Higher Brahman, the former being the Brahman of philoso-
phy, the other that of religion. 2

THE SUBSTANCE OF RAMANUJA'S PHILOSOPHY
Ramanuja holds that (1) the soul is real ; . (2) the indi-
vidual souls and the material world are the constituent
elements of Brahman ; (3) Brahman is full of compassion,
love, intelligence and mercy. His teaching is Bhaktr and
love.- According to him individual souls retain their
individuality even when they reach the blissful abode of
Brahman. He emphasizes a personal god as the creator
of this universe. Hence says Max Muller : ' Ramanuja's
Brahman is scarcely more than an exalted Iswara.'

THE SUBSTANCE OF SAIVA SIDDANTHA ; - ;
. 1. Hara is the First Cause of the universe, in the sense
that he makes the universe with material already available,
God, Soul and Matter are eternal. -. ,- . . .

1 Max Muller remarks that this statement ' Tat Tvam asi ' is the
boldest 'and truest synthesis in the whole history of philosophy.
He "also says that to maintain the eternal identity of the human
and the divine is not the same as arrogating divinity, fof; humaffity.
Max Muller, Six Systems of Philosophy, p. 161.

2 A Vedantin renounces idol worship and the observance bf caste.

APPE&DIX i is?

:. .2- Soul is not Brahman, nor body, nor.- any/antha-
karna (such as thought, imagination, reason, and will) r but-
is something different from them, though it acts through
them. . .

3. By Tapas (penance) Kara will appear as Guru to the
advanced soul, and will teach him to seek God and", His.
grace, being freed from the thraldom of the five senses.;
Such a soul enjoys blissful union with Hara.

4. When it loses its life of communion with God it
worships God, true devotees and temples as Gods.

5. A Jivan Mukta is freed from all acts, good and
bad and all attachment : and reaches Siva or Brahman. 1

THE SUBSTANCE OF CHRISTIANITY.

1. God is the First Cause and Creator of this universe.

2. Godhood consists of Father, Son and the Holy
Ghost, answering to the Hindu conception of (1) Sat ;

(2) Chit ; and (3) Ananda (1) Ever-existing ; (2) Wisdom ;

(3) Blissful.

3. God breathed His Spirit into man and he became a
living soul. God created man in His own image and
likeness. Some divines think that man is more an emana-
tion than a creation.

4. God granted free will to man and bade him refrain
from certain acts. He transgressed and became a sinner
and transmitted that sin to all his descendants. The Word
(Christ) which was in the beginning with God and was
God, created the universe and became flesh as Jesus. He
taught morals, pardoned men's sins and gave them power to
live without sin : this he acquired by His crucifixion and
resurrection.

5. The whole system of advocating a sinless, pure
life is simply to restore man to the original condition in
which he was created in the image of God.

6. Realization of the Holy Spirit in life and conduct
gives fuller and more abundant life in Christ Jesus, the
Saviour.

1 The crying evil of the Saivites is idol worship and the observance
of caste,

7i A self-sacrificing and self-denying life is a life of
service to fellow men in all possible ways.

8. Realization of Christ in the inner and outer life is
the highest development of Salvation.

NOTE. God the Father corresponds to the Higher Brahman
and His Son Jesus Christ to the Lower Brahman of Sankara's
philosophy.

APPENDIX II

THE CHARACTER OF
MR. A. S. APPASWAMY PILLAI,

BY ....'...".

MR. J. GANAPATHY PILLAI, RETIRED DEPUTY

COLLECTOR 1

THE qualities of Mr. A. S. Appaswamy Pillai's mind and
heart are so remarkable, and for an Indian in many respects
so exceptional, that it is very desirable they should be set
forth point by point for the benefit of his descendants and
others who may read this account of his life. The most
striking feature of his mind is his ability to form new and
sound ideas upon every subject that comes before him.
This ability is due to his habit of setting before himself
every .question, whether an intellectual, moral, religious
or business one, as a problem for his solution, considering
it from every point of view and never dismissing it from
his mind, until he comes to a conclusion satisfactory to
himself. This habit is itself due to the fact that, in his
youth, he had to depend upon himself for determining his
manner of living and for planning his education and his
future, his parents and friends not being in a position to
render him any help in the matter, except some grudging
pecuniary help. The habit, of which the foundation was
thus laid, was strengthened and confirmed, when Christianity
was presented to him as a better religion than the otte in
which he was born and he had to decide whether to accept
or reject it. He considered this question and discussed it
with those whose intellectual, and moral worth commanded

1 My brother-in-law was writing his Life and it was said that it was
for the benefit of his descendants. I did not quite approve of some
things said in what was drafted as the preface to the Life. I said I
would draw up a sketch of his character to be appended to his Life,
so that its usefulness to his descendants might be enhanced, as 'I
know my brother-in-law for fifty years, even when he was a Hindu.

160 APPENDIX II

his respect for some years, before he solved it to his own
satisfaction. It was this habit, . doubtless based upon a
natural fitness for it; which enabled him to become a very
successful lawyer and .a wealthy landholder.. It enabled
him to build .for Jhi'mself one .of the most .beautiful and
comfortable houses in this district, and to so improve his
villages and lands that they are now worth many times
their original value. . ; .

The next notable feature of his mind is his ability to
reduce to a. system, everything he has to do or. to have
done, for, him. The management of his property and
household .resembles that of a department of Govern-
ment,: the routine work going on of itself, and every
member of his family and. servants having .his own powers
of. decision and, sanction, reference being made to. him
only on points determined beforehand as requiring, .his
consideration. Even the Government practice of budgetting
the receipts and expenditure of every year, and thereby
regulating them, has been adopted by him in the manage-
ment of his property. ,

'Another feature of his mind is his. thirst for knowledge.
No day passes without Ms devoting some hours of it to
reading. He does not. care much for novels and other
light literature, but most new books on moral and religious
subjects will be found upon his table, and whatever he reads
he marks and deeply ponders upon so as to make it of use
to him in shaping : his life and conduct. He greatly delights
in ; study ing Hindu religious and mystic philosophy, and in
discovering evidence in them of the truth and all compre-
hensiveness of Christianity.

A. fourth feature of his mind is his love of beauty in
nature .and art. During his residence at Kodaikanal or
Courtallam, he would daily take long walks or drives to
see. beautiful avenues and striking landscapes. In his
house: at Gourtallam, he would sit in a place from which he
could see the waterfalls and the scenery around them,
delighting in the sight for hours together. He acts on
the principle that man should fully utilize all the innocent
sources of enjoyment, provided by God for him on earth,

APPENDIX II 161

He delights in flowers, scents and music and sees that they
are made available for his daily use and gratification. In
short, he makes his life as comfortable and pleasant as
possible without ostentation or extravagance. He has
stated hours of business, friendly visits and religious dis-
cussion, with a view to the propagation of Christianity and
never allows any violation of his rules in this respect,
except perhaps sometimes in favour of religious discussion.
By nature he was proud, imperious and hot-tempered,
traits which he inherited from his father. I shall mention
a single incident to show the truth of this remark. Soon
after his baptism at Madras, he was invited to the house
of an Indian Christian gentleman of high position in that
city. When his breakfast was being served, he found that
something, which he thought ought to have been furnished,
was wanting and, pushing away his dish, got up without
tasting anything. When I heard of this incident at the time,
I could hardly believe it. He was then a penniless young
man. He had cut himself off from his Hindu relations
and friends and was entirely dependant upon his Christian
friends for every help and for his future advancement,
and yet, in his sudden anger, he forgot all these things.
But I must add that he has made it his daily endeavour to
rid himself of these foibles as he always considered them,
so that he can now say that, for many years past, he has
riot given way to a single angry word or deed.

Of his general character, it need only be said that it
has been what might be expected of a sincere follower
of Christ, his Divine Master. But there are one or two
outstanding features which require to be specially noticed.
One is his punctiliousness in the performance of all social
duties. He seldem fails to return the visit of a friend.
Whenever he returns to his home, after an absence of some
months, he makes it a point to call upon all his friends,
or such of them at least as he thinks would be glad to see
him again. He delights in inviting his friends to dinners,
At Homes, or tea parties in his house and gladly accepts
such invitations from others. The Indian Christians of
Palamcottah as a rule .respond to such invitations with
21

132 APPENDIX II

reluctance and ignore the opportunities which arise in their
own houses for such social intercourse, except in connec-
tion with marriages and funerals. They would seem to be
afraid to commit themselves to customs which they think
must entail trouble and expense. Mr. A. S. Appaswamy
Pillai has often tried to bring about pleasanter social
relations between the members of his community, but
without success.

Another prominent feature of his character is his bene-
volence. No applicant for monetary help ever retired
from his doors empty-handed but also satisfied beyond
his most sanguine expectations. Many poor men and
women are in receipt of fixed monthly or annual doles
from him. Even people who are not poor, if in urgent
need of money, can always depend upon him for loans,
which he of his own accord converts unto gifts if he thinks
repayment would be difficult. Many young converts to
Christianity have lived in his house for years, until they
became able to support themselves, or have been in receipt
of monthly allowances from him. I need hardly add
that he gives liberally to institutions and societies intended
for the promotion of the good of the public. He truly
deserves to be called a ' Vallal ' (^wereo), the title given in
Tamil literature to the men celebrated for their liberality
in Ancient India. But the lesson which his life teaches
is that to be a true ' Vallal ' one should be careful and
strict in spending one's money in such ways as he does.

Coming now to his religious life, the first remark that
suggests itself is that he believes that in fulfilment of
the Lord's promise, 'Seek ye His Kingdom and His
righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.'
His every step and every undertaking, since he became a
Christian, have been directed and blessed by God. He
is a strict observer of the Sabbath, and an exemplary Church-
goer. He seldom fails to attend any meeting elsewhere in
which the word of God is preached, either to Christians or
Hindus and he is often asked to preside over such meetings.
He devotes the freshest hour of every morning to private,
reading of the Bible and prayer and conducts family prayers

APPENDIX II 163

as regularly in the evenings. He takes great interest
in the affairs of his Church, and is either a member or
one of the chief office-bearers in every Council and Com-
mittee connected with it. But the most prominent feature
of his religious life is his deep sense of his obligation
ever to ' win other souls for Christ.' Ever since he retired
from his profession, in his 53rd year, he has lived for this
work which he does in all the following ways: (1) he;
makes one or more preaching tours in the district every
year ; (2) he visits his Hindu friends in their houses,
generally by appointment with them, with the express
object of explaining to them the truths of Christianity,
Where possible, he makes the friend to whose house ...he
goes bring together as many of his neighbours as he can to
hear him; (3) even during business, friendly or ceremonial
visits he never neglects any opportunity to sow the word
of God and, if the soil be suitable, he arranges for further
interviews ; (4) he welcomes to his house touring
preachers of the Gospel and, by asking them to be his
guests during their stay in the town, enables them to
do their work without any distractions ; (5) he is always
ready to meet enquirers and clear up their doubts and
difficulties ; (6) he writes books in the Vernacular with
such evidences and arguments in support of Christianity
as will specially appeal to Hindus ; (7) lastly, he gives
liberally for missionary objects. He has built two
churches : and he is the President of the Indian Missionary
Society. His belief based, it would seem upon his own
experience, is that even in these days, the Holy Ghost
appears to the servants of God in a visible form, as He did
to the Apostles in Jerusalem. He does not however speak
of such experiences except to his intimate friends and even
to them not unreservedly.

APPENDIX III

THE RECONCILIATION OF JUSTICE AND MERCY
For the benefit of my Hindu readers I append a brief
outline of the doctrine in question. In God all good
and holy attributes are found in their perfection. He is,
therefore, perfectly just and perfectly merciful. Justice
demands that He should vindicate the moral law by inflict-
ing full and strict punishment for every violation thereof.
Mercy demands that He should forgive and spare the
penitent sinner who cries to Him for pardon.

These two attributes seem, therefore, to be contradictory
to each other. But they were reconciled through the death
of Jesus Christ. For, in order to satisfy the requirements
of justice, God himself in the person of His Son became
man, and taking man's place and paying man's debt,
Himself suffered death upon the cross as a vindication
of the moral law which man had broken, the Just One
suffering for the unjust race, the Innocent offering Himself
to save the guilty.

Justice having thus been satisfied, God is able to exercise
mercy in its widest extent. When, therefore, the sinner
wishes to give up sin and prays for pardon, looking to the
death of Christ as the atonement for his sins, God is
able on the basis of that atonement not only to pardon all
his sins freely, but out of the super-abundance of His
love and goodness to give that sinner all needful help to
shake off the chains of bad habits and to live a new and
blameless life and at last attain to heavenly bliss.

APPENDIX IV

MY DAILY ROUTINE OF PRAYER AND LIFE

1. Early in the morning 1 recite aloud about thirty of
my favourite verses from the Bible. They are verses like
these : Psalms ciii. 1, 7 ; xxiii ; John xiv. 6 ; iii. 16.

2. Then I offer a prayer in this strain : ' To know
Thee, the only true God and Thy Son Jesus Christ whom
Thou hast sent, is life eternal. Thy Commandments are
life eternal. By Thy grace, enable Thou me to live with
the one object and purpose of glorifying Thee and of doing
good to others. Whether my death occurs to-day or Thy
Second Coming takes place to-day, adorn Thou me with
love, patience, peace, joy, long-suffering, self-restraint,
hatred of sin, fulness of 'the. Holy Ghost, readiness to do
good to others and to take up the cross. As the perfect
Divine nature dwells in Jesus Christ; grant that the perfect
Divine nature may dwell in me also. Enable Thou me
to walk in all ways according to Thy will. Help Thou me
to do good in all things. Thou hast promised that Thou
wilt renew all things ; create in me a new spirit. Grant
that I may live like Jesus Christ. In His name, I ask
it. Amen.'

3. " After a short interval for breakfast, I read a chapter
of the New Testament, following it up with the portion
for the day from Spurgeon's Morning by Morning.

4. Then follows my prayer of communion, described in
this book.

5. During my morning drive, I have another spell of
the prayer of communion, this time out in the open air,
gazing on natural scenery.

6. During my evening drive, 1 have another opportunity
for the prayer of communion.

7. After the evening prayer, we have our family
prayers.

JfclNIED IN INDIA -

By QEQR$E KKN.NBT
AT THE DIOCESAN PRESS, MADRAS 1924. C2645

LIST OF TAMIL PUBLICATIONS BY THE
SAME AUTHOR

1. Idolatry Refuted.

2. Holy Life.

3. Pilgrim Life.

4. The Origin of Gaste.

5. Athma Gnana Bothini.

6. Vanaprastham.

7. Eternal Divine Son. .

8. Letters to Relations and Friends

about Salvation.

9. A Brief Sketch of the Life of Vidvan

H. A. Krishna Pillai.

10. Good Death-bed Testimony of Mr.

T. A. Jothinayagam Pillai.

11. Why I Became a Christian.

12. My Conversion (English).

Copies may be obtained from the Author.

THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO
LIBRARY

I ! 358 J84

HALL UBR

THE UNIVERSITY OP CHICAGO