MARRIAGE by Benjamin M. Owens December 12, 1941 for The Tau Beta PI Association SUMMARY Everyone who is physically and mentally fit should, if possible, plan on marriage. It is a duty and a privilege to be able to perpetuate mankind, otherwise the world would no longer exist. To be able to make a happy and successful marriage, one must choose a partner to his own liking with whom he must spend the rest of his days. Marriage must be built on a strong found- ation and the first few years must be free from worry and debt, having simplicity of home surroundings, in order not to compli- cate and mar the intimate friendship which should exist. Mar- ripge should not become stagnant, but must progress and maintain interest and cooperation on the part of both. Participation in entertainments for pleasure should be a cart of the curriculum of every married couple. The complete success of any marriage will depend upon the indi vidua l*s own attitude toward his position and responsibilities . MARRIAGE Many volumes have been written upon that well-known but little understood subject of marriage. It is a duty and a privi- lege for every healthy and sane person to take such a step, in order to insure the perpetuation of mankind through the medium of marriage and family and to raise the social standards of a new generation. As is written in Eccleslestea, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their Isbor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him thet is al- one when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up." The helps and hindrances to married happiness can be lumped under one word, personalities, which include ones temper- ament, mannerisms, tastes and the like. The individualities, likes and dislikes, desires and needs, and everything that per- tains to an individual, makes it impossible to set down a specified set of rules which anyone might follow for a successful, happy mar- riage . There ere, however, many hints and suggestions which can enable a man, or a woman, contemplating marriage, to make the best cfaoice and give him, or her, some idea of what is necessary for a successful marriage. COURTING DAYS During the courting stage the young man or woman should seek to know as many agreeable, companionable persons of the opp- osite sex as possible, with backgrounds essentially similar. Hav- ing a great number of acquaintances makes it possible to pick or choose the one with whom you wish to spend the rest of your days. vera might ask yourself, does he or she wear well? If you become bored now, think of what you may have to endure later. This wear- ing quality of interest is not as easy to find out as some other things. This interest in each other should continue to grow and not diminish. Be careful of one who is tied to her mother's apron strings, who has no initiative of her own, nor any backbone. Be able to take it, 'you know whet, they cell it in the army, 1 to meet disappointments, hardships, and the testing of ideals that must appear . THE THRESHOLD OF MARRIAGE When seriously contemplating marriege, one should ask himself; am I free from debt?; are others dependent on me?; where shall I live?; and can I see my way clear for marriage? Do not marry when either is in debt or while others are dependent upon you. It mars the chance for happiness and gives rise to money quarrels end makes It even more difficult to make both ends meet. It will take e lot of sacrificing on the part of both at first, in order to set up pleasant home surroundings. A smell town is a better place to begin marriage than s city unless your work re- aulres it, due to t r ans port et ion or other difficulties. In a smell town friendships come easier, life is simpler and usually a greet deal less expensive. It tekes all these things In order to stert out on the right foot and the help you will get in the pleasure of friendships at the stert will mean e great deal in building a strong foundation upon which to maintain happiness. It Is a known fact that the divorce rate is much higher In the city than in the -3- country. More marriages ere wrecked by too much free time than by too many home tasks to perform. Plan to have a home of your own and not with inlaws. AFTER THE Biff STEP The wedding shuts one gate and opens another. The long- ings and dreams of courtship end and the supreme intimacy of life begins. The opportunities for gainincr happiness are not easily won and it will take a lot of sacrificing and hard work on the part of both. One might ask, how can I make my marriage successful? This can only be accomplished by complete cooperation on the part of the two concerned. Build a union or tie thst is just and fair to both. Decisions must he made on the basis of what is good for both and not a selfish or narrow wish of either. Always have respect for the other member of the marriage. Avoid self- centered engrossment in your own work and don't let your work become too much a part of you. Take time, at least once a week, to get out end have a good time. Above all, have complete trust in each other. Remaiber to make every day count, since there can be no holding on to the pre- sent, nor seeking to turn back to the past. Marriage makes money go. In order to make your money go farther, prepare en orderly adequate budget. The needs for a ma- ter Is lly wholesome life are few but sufficient and are listed as follows: (1) A clean and decent house or apartment to meet your budget, (S) Sufficient wholesome food to maintain health (Remem- ber that 18^ worth of good hamburger has as much food value as 6(V worth of porter-house steak) (3) Clothing sufficient for -4- wermth and decency (A $50.00 coat will function as well as a $1,000 mink coat ), (4) A margin of money in a savings account for insurance, medical care and emergencies, and (5) A little more to spend on pure fun (Don't let your need to save make your life dull and drab). Use good common judgment in all matters pertaining to money and don't let money quarrels become a part of your everyday life. HARMONY IN MARRIAGE In order to have harmony in marriage, each should be in- terested in the other's work or pleasure and be an active part of it. If she enjoys art and finds an art exhibit worthwhile, don't be a dumb male and say that this means nothing to vouj let her teach you what pictures can mean. If she enjoys good music, going to con- certs or listening to the radio, try to share her pleasure and dis- cover what it is that really gives her satisfaction. In other words, if either has a favorite sport or hobby, the other should try to join in, at least In the evident satisfaction it gives. Just going to the movies or sitting on the sidelines watching others plar Is not the ideal joint use of leisure. Young couples should actu- ally do something together. Marriage is, therefore, more than just placing a ring up- on a finger and saying, "I do." It is a great institution and is filled with many successes and pleasures if one has faith and trys to understand It. Build it on a strong foundation and it will left forever; a weak foundation will soon crumble. BIBLIOGRAPHY BIGELOW, W. P.: "Good Housekeeping Marriage Book," Prentice Hall, Inc., New York, 1938. ANTHONY, J. J.: "Marriage and Family Problems," Doubleday, Doran and Company, Inc., New York, 1939, First Edition, EVANS, C. B. S.: "Man and Woman In Marriage," Bruce- Roberts, Inc., Chicago, 1931. FAIRFAX, B.: "Problems of Love and Marriage," McLouKhlin Bros., Inc., Springfield, Mas? . , 1931. KEYSERLING, H. X.: "The Book of Marriage," Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York, 1927.