PITHIHAmaCUS ERECTUS &//2/4I By Kenneth K. Uglow, Jr, piTHrw - icus erectus Fithihammicus Erectus is that species of man known as the Radio Amateur, He is to "be found almost anywhere other men are found "but spends most of his time at his radio station. He can sometimes bj£ recognized by his very unhealthy appearence, a result of his not^spending enough time eating and sleeping, ft His most charactistic age is about eighteen, at which time his activity is at its peak. At about nineteen years of age he begins to spend his time with members of the opposite sex, A&so his money. He usually marries near the age of about twenty-one, and then is soon spending as nuch time with his radio activities as when he was eighteen, much to the disgust of his wife. His death is similar to everyone else's, putting a merciful end to his eccentric. '.life. PITHIH EECTUS HABITAT Pithiham&ieus EJrectus is a species of Homo Sapiens more commonly referred to as the Radio Amatuer, or just plain "Ham," It is found almost anywhere at almost any hour. Its most freq- uent habitat is a room, lovingly referred to as "The Shack", of almost any size or location, usuall^ covered to a depth of about two feet with a miscellaneous aggregate of tubes, meters, wires, and beer bottles, PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS As for physical characteristics, pithihammicuB erectus is usually between five feet, six inches and six feet, six inches in height. It is either lean and hungry looking, or fat and tired looking, but under no circumstances well built or muscular. Its average age is between sixteen and sixty-four years, ACTIVITIES Our specimen is usually ripe at the age of about eight- een, at which time it is clothed with the impression that radio is the most joyful, necessary, and expensive of all material creations. However, the expense is overlooked by him in favor of the other qualities, and hence our Ham's pockets are always full of oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and numerous rare gases, but never money. As our specimen reaches about nineteen years of age, it has heard rumors that there are other kinds of peo;le in the world besides boys and men, namely girls, and its scientific curiousity and other things encourage our Ham to go in search of a girl, or -2- girls, and if possible, to date her or them. The law of averages being what it is, our specimen finds itself neglecting its radio operating activities for certain coeducational diversions. At the age of approximately twenty our specimen is clothed in the impression that girls (he now refers to them as "women") are the most joyful, necessary, and expensive creation in the world. Its pockets greatly resemble their condition at the eighteenth year of its life span, namely, entirely devoid of coin of the realm. At the age of twenty-one, our little specimen has been made a member of that great and honorable institution, marriage f »s the woman concerned does not suspect the true nature of the object of her affections. After marriage our specimen slowly but surely begins to cievpte more and more time to its olc" 1 love, Hadio. After several its mate, now a wife in name only, won- i ers why she became married in the first place, and so does our in, as the chiliftren (the little darlings) playfully roll his new tube up and down the living room rug. On the other hand, it is possible that the mate be con- verted to the species pithihammicus erectus, in which case our little ham slowly starves to death as his beloved now spends all of her time in the radio station and none in the kitchen. Sow- ever, this is immaterial, as by now the entire family budget is is spent for radio equipment, and there is no food in the kitchen anyhow. DEATH Thus it is that pithihammicus leads a turbulent, interest- ing, and pointless life, at the end of which he will be planted un- der a little chunk of marble which will be just like everyone else's little chunk of marble, only smaller, and no one knows that he was -3- not normal," sane, and happy, even as you and I.