mean by the tradition of the pre-War regimental
officer. . . . Well, I'm sure you'll do very good work.
You'll be joining us in two or three weeks, I think?
Good-bye till then." He shook my hand rather as
if Pd won a History Scholarship,, and I walked out
of the college feeling that it was a poor sort of joke on
him. But my absence as an instructor was all to the
good as far as he was concerned, and I was inclined to
think that I was better at saying the War ought to stop
than at teaching cadets how to carry it on. Sitting in
King's Chapel I tried to recover my conviction of the
nobility of my enterprise and to believe that the pen
which wrote my statement had "dropped from an
angel's wing". I also reminded myself that Cambridge
had dismissed Tyrrell from his lectureship because he
disbelieved in the War. "Intolerant old blighters!"
I inwardly exclaimed. "One can't possibly side with
people like that. All they care about is keeping up
with the other colleges in the casualty lists." Thus re-
fortified, I went down to the river and hired a canoe.
BACK AT Butley, I had fully a fortnight in which
to take life easily before tackling "wilful defiance
of military authority". I was, of course, compelled to
lead a double life, and the longer it lasted the less I
liked it. I am unable to say for certain how far I was
successful in making Aunt Evelyn believe that my
mind was free from anxiety. But I know that it wasn't
easy to sustain the evangelistic individuality which
I'd worked myself up to in London. Outwardly those
last days of June progressed with nostalgic serenity. I
say nostalgic, because in my weaker moods I longed