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Clitherland subalterns wuu ju^ppcjucu to oe ammg in
the Hotel. They cheerily enquired when I was coming
out to the Camp. Evidently they were inquisitive
about me, without suspecting anything extraordinary,
so I inferred that Orderly Room had been keeping my
strange behaviour secret. On Tuesday my one-legged
friend, the Deputy-Assistant-Adjutant, came to see
me. We managed to avoid mentioning everything
connected with my "present situation", and he re-
galed me with the gossip of the Camp as though
nothing were wrong. But when he was departing he
handed me an official document which instructed me
to proceed to Crewe next day for a Special Medical
Board. A railway warrant was enclosed with it.

Here was a chance of turning aside from the road to
court-martialdom, and it would be inaccurate were
I to say that I never gave the question two thoughts.
Roughly speaking, two thoughts were exactly what I
did give to it. One thought urged that I might just as
well chuck the whole business and admit that my
gesture had been futile. The other one reminded me
that this was an inevitable conjuncture in my progress,
and that such temptations must be resisted inflexibly.
Not that I ever admitted the possibility of my accept-
ing the invitation to Crewe; but I did become con-
scious that acceptance would be much pleasanter than
refusal. Submission being impossible, I called in pride
and obstinacy to aid me, throttled my warm feelings
toward my well-wishers at Clitherland Camp and
burnt my boats by tearing up both railway warrant
and Medical Board instructions.

On Wednesday I tried to feel glad that I was cutting
the Medical Board, and applied my mind to Palgrave's
Golden Treasury of Songs and Lyrics. I was learning by
heart as many poems as possible, my idea being that