The Pig Paper #05

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THE PIG PAPER

orotected widelv bv oatents ana oatent aDDlications throughout the world ' - - ^™ ^^^. I

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ANdIA "AlfrN'tlWrty W SW)3421 1

NO.

AU6UST &§
1977 91

UK:

NEW

wave:

featuring

MEWS

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THtSMHTS
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MTOUBWIVtS

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ffl PISTOLS

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The Beach Boys The Delete lone
Imwvisational Ironing

and more

©

1

STY:

Editor: GARY PIG

Contributing Editors?

CINDY PIG

ROCK S^RLING
Acquisitions Officer:

I.MANTS
Translator:

JUTTA FERKEL
Photography:

MARGARET TRUDEAU
Missing In Action:

JOHNNY PIG

The Entire Contents Of
The PIG Paper Number 5
Is Copyrighted © 1977
By PIG PRODUCTIONS INC.
All Rights Reserved And
Unauthorized Reproduction
Is Still Frowned Upon

& '& C* Cfr Cfr C*
mm mm mum

The Fifth PIG Paper has finally been issued,
several months behind schedule as always but
more than worth the wait. It wouldn't be here
had It not been for the hospitality of Don,
Barb, and Colleen Thompson, and the kash of
Rock Serllng. Let me just remind you all
that if you have a band, record, fanzine,
event or whatever you want plugged, or have
any fiction, non-fiction, gossip, reviews,
Interviews, photography, artwork, or comments
you'd like to see In print, or require back
issues of PIG Papers One, Two, or Three at a
buck apiece (regarding PIG Paper #4, "Kinks":
Kultists - stop your sobbing. You haven't
missed it coz we haven't done it yet), write
PIG PRODUCTIONS /-> tff^A

70 COTTON DRIVE HflJuLY/fM

mississauga xs^jprxszs

ONTARIO, CANADA L5G 1Z9

limits f ROM WtSMIS

Dear Cindy,

Thanx for your lovely letter. We
used to like The Ramones but now
you're our f ave . Imants should have
his copy of the album by now so
you've probably heard it. At the
moment we 're not sure when we 're
going to be able to get to Canada as
we're going to the UK for a couple
of months in a fortnight. Anyway
thanx again. See you soon (maybe).

Luv,

The Saints
Sorry this was so long in coming
but we've been pretty busy
lately. The album should be out
over there in about 6-8 weeks
on Sire records.

PS

released in Canada. Easybeats
records have unfortunately
all been deleted and you
can't have my copies. The
only other band I like are
RADIO BIRDMAN and you can get
their EP by sending $2 to

RADIO BIRDMAN

P0 Box lh

North Sydney

N.S.W. 2060

Australia
A North American is on the
cards near the end of the
year so hopefully see you

then.

Luv,
The Saints

Dear Imants,

Thanks for writing. In answer to
your questions: We've just had our
first album released over here. It
should be out in Canada in about a
month or so. It's called (I'M)
STRANDED.

I don 't know of any stores who
export the records you mentioned .
AC/DC as far as I know have been

Yes, We STILL Print Your
Letters I

Write PIG PRODUCTIONS at
the address above and see
yourself in black and white

PIG PUNK PftRT

Oflfc

FIRST IN AN EXCLUSIVE SERIES ty 6ARV f /fi

continue to outrun the competition on the Toronto see
STEVE and NICK triumphantly returned from their headl
punk palace GBGBs for a two-niter at Toronto's own ad
Burn. Both of their sets had something to offer even
new waves: During Set 1, frontman FRANKIE exposed hi
that? A film crew from local TV station CFTO of cour
C&B stage during Set 2 and captured HEAD, plus voppin
CHORDS singer MARVIN GOODAMAN, on celluloid. The nex
coast-to-coast on The CTV National News. Soon afterw
entered a Toronto recording studio to commit to polyv
are soon to make them legends.

ne. FRANKIE, GORD,
ining weekend at NYC's
hoc dive the Crash 'n •
the most seasoned of
s bum. What could top
se, who invaded the
g MARTIN AND THE E-
t night, punk aired
ards, TEENAGE HEAD
inyl the sounds which

simply sma

landed May 20 1977
the country's firs
except in reverent
EDGAR (star of PIG
rehearsal faciliti
to reveal themselv
total overshadowin
TEENAGE HEAD, the
Until then, keep a

at The Masonic Temple in Toronto to kick off RockShock,
t all-punk concert. They haven't been heard of since

and inquisitive whispers along the groupvine. Why?

Paper #3), ALEX, KEVIN and DON are busy in their
es preparing for a re-emergence this fall, and don't care
es till everything is 100# flawless. Judging from their
g of the other RockShock offerings, JOHNNY LOVESIN and
SAUCER can't help but hover high upon their return,
n eye on the sky.

is nxsmts

are one punk band that live up to its label: Who else secure gigs by
threatening to blow up any club that doesn't hire them? At presstime, the
C&B Staff are still deep in their bunkers, as THE PINSTEADS remain so
mysterious as to leal some to believe they are actually KLATTU. They
promise a SYD BARRETT -produced EP any day now, and are reportedly
negotiating their concert, debut, to take place in Toronto's Beverly Tavern
sometime during April 1979. Can you wait?

m mnmts

known alternately as THE VILES, THE TONES, and even NAZI DOG'S VILETONES,
have come a long way since being the only punk outfit to play the strictly-
rock PIcadilly Tube nitery way back in the pre-C&B era circa Spring '77.
They shared the CBGBs bill with TEENAGE HEAD, and THE CURSE, and THE DENTS,
and THE DIODES, and... , plus share, as manager, PAUL KASH KOBAK of Star
Records fame. MIKE, JACKIE, FREDDIE and NAZI are subsequently basking in
media attention of BEATLE porportions, but nonetheless continue to be a,
productive part of the wave they helped create, and only good things lie
ahead, as well as in their wake.

linns mm

survive. They've teen booted out of a Beverly gig (for attracting too
many people.'), fallen victim to equip rippers, had vhat was left of their
PA ravaged by NAZI DOG, and had their own club, the short-lived Homemade
Theatre, squeezed out of existence thanks to a Dry or Die decree from the
Liquor Control Board. Undaunted, TOBY, ROBERT and COLIN promise to mount
another stage, if they can find an empty one, with their danceable doses
of Merseybeat and soon-to-be -nuggets from the ever-growing WIVES wepetoire
The trio gained further notoriety when they recently became the recipients
of the coveted PIG Band Of The Month Award from the hands of MARVIN
GOODAMAN Himself. So, wherever THE WIVES surface next, you can be sure
that'll be Where The Action Is.

WlCURSi

began life as THE SHANGRI-LAS but are quickly becoming the new wave's
leading spokeswomen. MICKEY, TRIXIE, DOCTOR and PATSY remain the only
band who've ever opened for THE VILETONES and lived to laugh about it:
Proof positive these girls know what they're doing • Currently caught in
the late summer gig scarcity, THE CURSE spend their days polishing up
their showstopping rendition of "Eve Of Destruction", and their nights
commanding the bar at the C&B, where TRIXIE busily denies she was ever in
ROUGH TRADE and MICKEY demonstrates the latest gyrations direct from the
pages of Rock Scene magazine. Yes, definately bonafide trendsetters and
worth watching for everywhere.

QrcvcSUjPu^S

IMPROVISATK)
IRONING. NAL

"(RE) DISCOVERING THE EEACH BOYS"
PART ONE:

While breaking my fast with
The Viletoasts at the Guild
Restaurant (l?8 Carlton Street,
Toronto) last Sunday evening, I
heard the familiar strains of
"Good Vibrations" eminating from
the antique jukebox at the next
table . It suddenly struck me
over the head that, despite the
wasp-wasted faces The Viletoasts
were making in the general

direction of the music, It
was truly magnificent. I
decided to investigate further
when I arrived uptown later.

I made my way past the
disco bin and ether unmentionable
obscenities to the "B" section.
Since I had no money I just
looked .

NEXT ISSUE: I interview David
Marks, ex-Beach Boy.

ANARCHY « CANADA

Dateline PORT CREDIT August 14, 1977 - It was announced today from the offices of PIG
Productions that their own PIG Records has won the right to exclusively distribute in
Canada all forthcoming releases by the notorious British "punk rock" band The Sex
Pistols. The quartet's first release in this country will be their recent UK chart-
topper "God Save The Queen".

Many figures in the recording Industry expressed amazement that the comparatively
new and tiny PIG company beat out such long-established labels as Capitol Records Of
Canada and Boot Records Incorporated in the war to sign the Pistols, Apparently,
credit for the scoop belongs to PIG's noted acquisitions officer I.Mants.

"We had a hell of a time, but I believe it was well worth it", said Mants from
his luxurious Hamilville penthouse complex, "We had a terrific scrap with some of the
competition, especially True North Records who were determined to be the first
Canadian punk label".

Following the release of "God Save The Queen", which has already racked up advance
orders of a staggering 52,000,000 in Ontario alone, PIG plans to issue its self-
compiled THE SEX PISTOLS* GOLDEN LAWSUITS album, which will feature material that up
until now has remained unmarketable by any of the band's labels.

For the benefit of those that have
not been within reach of a television,
radio, or ad hoc dive during the past
several months, The Sex Pistols are
front and foremost among the thousands
of young pop music groups currently
operating in England. The Pistols,
like their many counterparts, perform
loud and often lewd songs in a chain of
dilapitaded clubs which dot the Euro-
pean thoroughfares. These bands, like
their legions of adoring fans, dress to
the height of disgust, often piercing
bodily appendages with carving knives
and sporting drugged lizards as jewelry.
These youngsters, often reffered to as
"punks", spend their leisure time in
battle with their arch rivals, the
leather-clad "rockers". Death tolls as a
result of these clashes are incalcuable,
but many feel them to be the most succ-

D0 YOU REMEMBER:
"Glad All Over", "Because", "You
Got What It Takes", "Having A
Wild Weekend", "01 Sol", "Can «t

You See That She 's Mine"

WQRIg jjTDEJjAyE^ OIARK. 5, FANCLUB

Herman Hamerpagt

Weverstraat 519

4204 CE-Gorinchem

Holland

U?^

essful war games since the IRA
conflicts earlier in the decade.

The Sex Pistols, since their
formation over eleven years ago, have
grown to represent this entire "new
wave" youth movement. The foursome
consist of singer Johnathin Rotten,
guitarist Peave Bones, bassist Cid
Dishes, and drummlst John deese. All
gained particular notoriety of late by
being savagely beaten to near death by
a rival band, The lOlers. Rotten, 37 •
retained the most injuries as a result
of the brawl i A total of ninety-six
stitches to the cheek and underarm, but
was well enough nonetheless to attend
in person his band's contract signing
to PIG. To demonstrate his pleasure
with the Canadian deal, he proceeded to
toss buckets of hot vomit on visiting
members of the press. This is but the
most recent example of the "sick" humor
practiced by the "punks" and admired
by their followers everywhere.

BIG^TARJJAGAZINg

First""! s sue i~

RAM0NES,T0M VERLAINE, RICHARD HELL,THE GIZMOS,

THE BOSTON SCENE, DAMNED, FLAMIN GR00VIES, CHEAP

TRICK, DAVE EDMUNDS

Send One Dollar To...

BERNARD KUGEL

MB 2l\, P0 Box 118

Bidvell Station, Buffalo, New York 14222 5

You have entered the door into a new land. A land that is its own universe. The •
Delete Zone, A land where You are its latest citizen.

The road through The Delete Zone is as long as you make it, stretching wide into
the realm of re-issues, junk shops, budget bins, supermarket racks, and auction lists.
You've only just begun to travel and explore this discmensioni A grooveyard of veteran
vinyl. A whole new world awaits rediscovery. Awaits You.

Compelled to press on and accept the challenge, you walk, for minutes, hours | Who
knows? One must remember that time is not relevant in this Zone.

On both sides of the road lie infinite open spaces. They stretch as far and as
wide as they stretch out below your feet. Off on the distant horizon, a sunrise glow
illuminates. To your left, you notice an ever-changing, black-dotted, white cloud
drifting into view. You estimate that these miniscule dots could number perhaps six
thousand. These specs eventually reveal themselves to be 45 RPM discs, out of sleeve
and encircled by a cluster of fine, dust-like particles. One record opposite you begins
to revolve at its natural speed. An attraction caused by this rotation condenses the
dust particles into a solid tubular mass. This ring-shaped entity makes precise contact
with the rim of the record and proceeds to travel to the end of the grooved surface. As
quickly as these particles, now ascertained to be diamond dust, collate, they disperse
back within the cloud.

The disc, which has been spinning like a simple saucer, stops, and is returned to a
state of stillness. The song which has just been emmited by this act you recognize as
"Psychotic Reaction" by The Count Five. Ihen, another disc comes forth and begins a
similar routine i By gosh, it's "She's About A Mover" by The Sir Douglas Quintet.
Suddenly, a voice speaks.

"Welcome, new citizen. We, the inhabitants of Cloud 42, are pleased you have
activated us. We could sense what you wanted to hear by tapping your mind's musical
memory banks. There are thousands of such tunes imbedded in every cloud for you".

"Shall I continue onward?", you ask yourself.

"Yes, most heartily. Do let your mind select one of our inhabitants for play", the
cloud replies, able to read your thoughts as a newspaper.

So you line up old faves by Lou Christie, The Human Beinz, Eric Burdon, The Balloon
Farm, B.J. Thomas, and The Ugly Ducklings. But a cold yearning soon materialises within
you, and you puzzle, "Is this to be my only time in the clouds?"

"Fear not, my dear citizen. There are many clouds awaiting you, so long as the music
lives in your soul. Good luck, time traveller!"

You extend a most gracious Thank You to Cloud 42 and Move On.

On to DOUGGO'S DELETE DINER, where a gear gourmet heats you up a sound de jour, a
soul salade, and much, much more, for this is to be your next stop.....
..... in The Delete Zone •

PIG PRODUCTIONS PATgNTgD ___PQP __PAg_AQg #9 August 20,1975

1. WOULDN'T IT BE NICE THE BEACH BOYS (1966)

2oPURE AND EASY The Who (1971)

3-1 'M GONNA BE A WHEEL SOME DAY.. . .The Mindbenders (1965)

4 .HOW SHE B00GAL00ED IT The Beach Boys (1967,

5. A QUICK ONE WHILE HE'S AWAY The Who (1966

6. IN MY LIFE The Beatles.... • • (1965

7.SURFIN* SAFARI The Beach Boys (1962

8. VEGETABLES The Beach Boys..o .(1967

9. BAD TO ME Billy J.Kramer (1964)

lO.POPSICLE.o Jan And Dean • (1966)

6

THE SAINTS

Did you know that there 's
a punk band In Australia? Well,
there are punk: bands in Toronto
so nothing should surprise you.
The Australian punk band is
called THE SAINTS, and they're
not in Australia at the moment.
They're in England, touring ex-
tensively vlth such veterans of
the genre as The Ramones and
Talking Heads, and stealing the
spits avay from the competition
at most every venue. THE SAINTS
first album, (I 'M) STRANDED, was
cut in a day and a half (EMI
Records released the band's
demo tape), and their new ^5 is
THIS PERFECT DAY. All are highly
reccomended by PIG and therefore
deserve immediate purchase (Try
Records On Wheels if you live
vithin commuting distance of
Toronto, and our address if you
don't) .

Chris Bailey( vocals) , Ed
Kuepper( guitar) , Kim Brad shaw
(bass), and Ivor Hay( drums) have
come quite a distance since
sending their B&W 8-by-10 glossy
pic into Rock Scene magazine 's
"More New Bands" page last spring
For instance: At their debut per-
formance in Sydney, THE SAINTS
managed to flush 1^7 people from
the hall. "But those who stayed
had a vopping good time", Chris
insists. Such are the haphazards
of being ahead of your time down
under, I suppose.

Apparently life in Austra-
lia is not like Ray(mond Douglas)
Davies told us it was in ARTHUR'S
seventh track. Chris again: "It
isn't a classless society. There
are the haves and the have nots .
There are lots of immigrants who
have a hell of a time. There are
the people who've been there for
years who work in factories and
there are the executives. And
there are the Aboriginals, who
are at the bottom of the pile".

by GARY PIG

Except for that last sentence,
Australia sounds alot like Canada
doesn't it? So how does punkrock
go over there? '*They have to take
a boat because it's an island.
But seriously folks, the police in
Queensland are rough, tough, and
ready".

After spending summer vacation
in the UK, Chris and his fellow
Saints have, as PIG predicted,
avoided becoming glass chewers etc
but discovered, "The people in the
new wave bands there have become
stars and there should be no stars
(Take THAT, Johnathin Rotten).
There seems to be some weird social
circle: You have to look a certain
wave and talk a certain wave to be-
come accepted.

"But I don 't think the new
wave is pessimistic. It came from
outside the music industry, that 's
all. Yes, it's inevitable that
they'll get accepted by the record
companies, but I hope we don't get
sucked in". I hope not either. One
punk band at the top of the British
charts is quite enough, thank you.
Yet in all fairness, THE SAINTS
consider themselves a Pop group,
and their album certainly reflects
this. They'd be right at home along
side The Ramones in 16 Magazine's
"Spot The Five Errors" contest no
doubt .

At the moment, PIG 'a trying
to bring THE SAINTS to Toronto. I
can just hear The New Yorker
Theatre now, ringing some mid nite
with the haunting tones of "Erotic
Neurotic". Perhaps to make this
dream come true, a few partitions
are in order, so get out your pens
and write to The New Yorker (951
Yonge Street, Toronto, Ontario) and
THE SAINTS, care of Ed Kuepper him
self (20 Lawson Street, Oxley *K)75,
Queensland, Australia). Meanwhile,
begin your Saints collection by
following I.Mants' handy consumer
guide overleaf.

THE SAINTS' DISCO PAGE * ..maito

I'm) Stranded/No Time. . .Fatal Records (Australia) 1976

I'm) Stranded/No Time. .o Power Exchange Records (England, Canada) 1977

I'M) STRANDED .EMI Records (Australia) 1977

I'M) STRANDED Harvest Records (England) 1977

Erotic Neurotic/One

Way Street .. .Harvest Records (England) 1977

This Perfect Day/ ? Harvest Records (England) 1977

"(I'm) Stranded" on Fatal has the guitars turned way up loud and is the
best. The UK Power Exchange comes in a neet pic cover and has a nice
black engraved label, but the guitars are way down and the sound is a
penguinheap as is the LP mix. The Canadian is really good: Next best to
the Fatal. "No Time" is reasonably consistent throughout. The LP, apart
from "(I'm) Stranded", is mixed like the Fatal, and the Harvest is the
better pressing. EMI fades "Erotic Neurotic" after seven (if you turn
it up loud) while the Harvest counts all the way up to eight and has a
final-chord ending. Dunno about the single yet: Haven't heard it. Heard
somewhere that they're on Sire in the States, so that's three singles
and one thirty-three-tours on five different labels already.

8

ELVIS IS DEAD

I was at Cindy Pig's grandmother's
when Edgar of Simply Saucer told
me, blunt and to the point, "Elvis
is dead". I reeled momentarily be-
fore sinking deep into a teenaged
depression that not even MORE OF
THE MONKEES could pull me from
blah blah.

Apart from the "King Is Dead"
stuff that was all over the media
on the 17th day of August 1977
(Day One After El), just sit down
and think a minute how Elvis
Presley changed the world. Jerry
Rubin was right: the pelvis killed
Ike Eisenhower, but he brought to
life alot of ears, souls, and
feets . Even after the Army and all
those dumb-as-ass movies, Presley
couldn't seriously be dismissed.
Even recently, as his karate-
sequined, burger-filled bulk
hauled in front of housewives in
Vegases the US over, Elvis still
could do it. Maybe not as effec-
tively as "Paralysed", "His Latest
Flame", or "Promised Land", but
after all, he's over forty (not
to mention thirty).

I'll never forget, at the Dead
Boys/Ramones concert earlier
in the season, how much better
Elvis came off, even on faded
kinescopes between sets (some
one pulled some Elvis films
out of the vaults to project
during the intermission). B.P.
didn 't need to throw peanut
butter, show his buns, or any
of those other creepy excuses
for headline -grabbing: Elvis
just let his sideburns do the
talking. And those eyes! And
that curly top lip! God, what
a rock star. The FIRST rock
star, upon whom all rook stars
since have been modelled.
John Davidson is alive. Mel
Torme is alive. Frank Sinatra
and even Barry White are
alive .

But Elvis is dead.
Oh, God. _ 0ARy PIG

BIRTH AND DEATH NOTICES ARE
ACCEPTED BY TELEPHONE MONDAY
THROUGH FRIDAY 8:30 AM TO
10:00 PM, SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS
1:00 PM TO 10:00 PM, CLOSED
SATURDAYS .

ANIGHT
AT THE

RAMOIMEScV

If you weren't square, you
weren't there, or something. In
other words, the gasping legions
of Canadian punkdom filled the
aptly-named New Yorker Theatre in
Toronto this past June for three
shows by The Dead Boys and The
Ramones. Such bands, according
to local rock: critics and record
promotion men, are representative
of the current pop/cultural up-
heavel that is reportedly sweeping
The Globe. Consequently, off the
sidewalks poured the nouveau-shit
to witness a mutant Fabulous 60s
Revisited: Bands of four and five
with Brian Jones bowl haircuts and
Swinging Bluejeans stagewear,
performing clumps of one and two-
minute selections which brought
back memories of the halycon daze
of Murry The K package tours .

I kinda dug it all myself.
Like the bandmembers themselves,
I 'm just old enough to recall the
Golden Era twelve years ago, so
all in our age bracket were con-
tent to believe this was quite
simply, quite pimply, a 1964
Herman's Hermits tour. And why
not? That period had class,
despite the fact that it was
merely a custom-produced diver-
sion. But diversion, especially
during these months of recession/
deepression, is the name of our
game, and without it, rock may as
well up and croak. That's why
the Seventies thus far have been
stagnant rock'n'roll years. But
enough of this analytical pooh.

Now, with our tongues
firmly back in our cheeks, we can
forge ahead, or back if you
prefer. Viewing The Ramones was
fun, so after the final set I in-
vited myself into their dressing
room for a chat •

Manager Danny Fields was
sitting in all his fragile splen-
dor, surrounded by three-quarters
of his band. (Drummer Tommy was
AWOL somewhere in the city) . Joey
who has to be one of the most
clever frontmen in years, sat
speechless on a couch with his
knees framing his bowed head .

However, the guitar section, Johnny
and DeeDee, wanted to talk. So after
sending Danny under the fridge to
retrieve my pen, we began.

Chipping away at them, I disco-
vered that, like all successful
trendsetters, The Ramones have been
meticulously constructed, with the
emphasis on durability and longevity o
Danny's own illustrious history in
the biz, coupled with his current
post as 16 Magazine co-editor and
salaried Bay City Rollers pal, has
made sure of this. But his boys are
well aware of went and goes on too:

"I remember seeing Elvis on the
Ed Sullivan show, and that was some-
thing", confessed Johnny. (How old
are these Ramones anyways?) ''They
only showed him from the waist up".
Danny grins mischievously at this.
That 's probably because he was the
cameraman. "Plus the Beatle years.

Those were the days ". Then

Johnny glanced down at his stovepipe
Levis as if they were walking tri-
butes to his words. DeeDee is more
up to date in his R&R reminiscence:
'You know Neal Smith In that Alice
Cooper book BILLION DOLLAR BABY?
Well, that's who I can identify with.
A guy that lives to be a Star, and
isn't happy unless he's in front of
people doing what he likes. You know
what I mean? " I assure DeeDee that I
do, being a part-time rockstar myself

Johnny completes our rumble down
Memory Lane by recalling the closely
guarded Origins Of The Ramones . He
spins a colourful tale of elation and
frustration that is the beginning of
any bonafide social phenomenon. It
took us AGES to find the right people
then we had all this equipment and no
place to practice. Nobody wanted to
know about us . We were just another
bunch of kids with guitars. Then we
got a few friends and some help".
Now, here they are: The Ramones. It
all sounds so easy, don't it? Go
out and try it then.

Suddenly, bagels were served .
This confirmed my suspicions that The
Ramones had Made It, because bagels
are not an easily aquired commodity
in Toronto, particularly during the

vee hours. Next, It is suggested
that all present attend the Crash
& Burn which is holding an ad hoc
Ramones benefit. Danny personally
places Joey, Johnny, and DeeDee
into PIG's acquisition officers
brother's car, and follows at a
fatherly distance behind, commen-
ting on how swinging a city
Toronto really is. Meanwhile at
the C&B, every piece of local
talent is fighting its way on
stage for the privilege of per-
forming before the Guests Of
Honor. Every band that makes it
to the mlcs dedicate every song
to Danny Fields, who, upon
entering the club, begins to re-
evaluate Toronto's swing. The
Guests Of Honor, who realize they
won't be getting the opportunity
of jamming out ^Little Girl" on
this bandstand, quickly tire off
being clawed over and take refuge
in a waiting cab. The last I saw
of them was as they waved GoodBye
en route to the Holiday Inn. I
debated remaining at the benefit
but The Diodes were busy laying
waste to The Cyrkle «s biggest hit
so I opted for a streetcar home
to the suburbs. Some good did
come out of the shenanigans none-
theless: Hilly Kristal, Dead Boys
guiding light, found Teenage Head
and The Viletones, which he later
showcased at his club CBGBs . A
healthy boost for the swinging
Toronto scene no doubt.

Well, that's it. A terrifyin
loss for words prevents me from
getting overtly detailed regardin
The Ramones, and that's the way
it's supposed to be, I hope. As
it all peters out and is itself
the subject of nostalgia any day
now, Johnny, Joey, DeeDee and
Tommy Ramone will undoubtedly be
ripe for the Punk Revival. Danny
Fields, and You, have seen to
that, and I wouldn't have it any
other way. Really.

Q-

O

THE BOYS
WERE BACK
IN TOWN

A TRUE STORY
by Johnny Pig

The winner of PIG Paper #5's
Preparation H Award is none
other than Mister Thin Lizzy
himself, PHIL LYNOTT . The
Pigs crossed Phil at a recent
Crash 'n*Bore all-nite talent
showcase to celebrate the
release of The Ramones * smashed
new jingle "Sheena Is A Punk
Rocker". According to sources
un-named, Mr.Lynott was in town
to deliver the key note address
at the annual Irish Immigrant
Aid Society Dinner And Dance,
but rumours being what they are
revealed that he was actually
in Toronto for a hush-hush hair
transplant to his upper lip.
Maybe that 's why foul -mouth Phil
risked a possible hemorrhage to
remark menacingly to the roving
PIG lens, and I quote, "Fuck off
...FUCK OFF. If you want to keep
your film, you better stop takin
pictures". Of course no-one took
Mr.Lynott 's idle threats seriou-
sly; no-one except a trim little
fellow with sizeable biceps and
a stance that would lead one to
assume that his livelyHOOD was
making good on any idle threat
that could afford his services.
Oh to be a rock star! Well,
here's to you Phil. I have no
doubt that you'll know exactly
what to do with your gold-plated
suppository.

O^REXTASY^MAGAZINE

*3oIomon"~Spector and assorted c razees publish this wild
fanzine out of Brooklyn which deserves your attention.
They've also put out their own gear maxi -single, "My Head's
In »73"/ "Calif awnia Gurls "/"Suzi ", with more on the way.
To find out what it's all about, write Solomon today at...
♦P.O.Box 206, Brooklyn, New York, USA, 11223
and tell 'em The PIGs sentcha

:io

REVIEW a

(I'M) STRANDED
THE SAINTS

What's your excuse? Where's your Saints LP?
Pick a label and love itt EMI, Island, or
Sire (soon). Eclectric rock resembling the
Stones, the Hamones, and the 'tones. The
Saints aren't legends (yet), repetitive nor
are they "new wave punks". The Saints are a
great rock'n'roll band and they have all the
energy and talent they need to beat any band
around now. Listen to them*

"(I'm) Stranded" and I got "No Time".
Don't ask me why because I don't know*
Probably side effects from listening to the
album* One of the two unAustralaboriginal
cuts on the LP is "Kissin' Cousins". As
with the entire album, it's got a nice beat,
and you can vop to it* The other is "Wild
About You", written by Unknown or Andy
James* Take your pick* Whoever wrote it
sure knows how to rock* "Messin' With The
Kid" is the BLACK AND BLUE Stones/Mink de
Ville song on this LP. Every great record
has one* Almost. "Story Of Love" is about
the glory of love* Shades of Lou Reed.
"Erotic Neurotic" vocals and lyrics are
reminiscent of Iggy with The Stooges i
Incredible! "Demolition Girl" is a Ramones-
length blast song. "One Way Street" is a
song about going crazy while and because of
"hanging around", with just the right number
of characteristic Saints "huh"s in just the
right places. "Nights In Venice" is a full
length, non-stop, rock-out classic that
finishes an album that should not end.
These songs will grow on you like white-
pine blister rust.

The Saints are solid, not only because
of their musical abilities and sheer talent
which exceed belief, but because they still
have the same guys in the band as they had
in 1973 when they began. The Saints are
steady and reliable. This is reassuring in
an era of superchange, where people are
constantly switching about or simply
dropping dead left and ri#it. Have faith
in this band i They maintain with
Saintsability.

The Saints are in England until
autumn. The "punk scene" there won't
change them into glass-chewing, safety
pin-wearing, self -abusing punkos, but it
will open their eyes up to the fact that
any band with guts can make it. That
talent is only an assets One which they
possess.

After their stay in England, the
only logical step for them is North
America, preferrably Toronto.

Watch out for The Saints. They'll
extrude your fireplace!

-CINDY PIG

SURFIN' WITH THE VILETONES
THE VILETONES
(GNP-Crescendo GNP-84)

Side One i

1. VILIN* USA

2. (DO THE)OSTRICH JERK

3. FUTURE FABRICATORS

4* WAKE DOWN SHUT DOWN (or SHUT DOWN
SHUT UP)

5. SURFIN* TOO HARD

6. THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE

VILETONE
Side Twos
1. SURFIN' WITH THE TV ON
2* KOJAK HANDSTANDS

3. SCHIZOPHRENIA NOT GLUE

4. £tffl*6BiQ¥$eN-PftAmBVeftK PUNK CITY

5. WAITING FOR MY O.I.M.P.I.L.

6* i-NB¥SS-¥He»6H¥-$*-W©yi>B-HAPFBN
WOULDN'T IT BE NICE

The late great Brian Wilson would
probably turn in his grave if he heard
this record*

The Viletones are most likely going
to be GNP's biggest money spinners in
North America and they owe much of their
success to the hole left in AM radio
music since The Beach Boys split up and
Shaun Cassidy died in a plane crash at
the ripe old age of Buddy Holly. This

FOUND SOME MOULDY OLDIE UP IN THE ATTIC? ABOUT TO PUT OUT

YOUR VERY OWN TWO -DOLLAR EXTENDED PLAY? HEARD SOMETHING

ON THE RADIO LATELY? GOT A DEMO TAPE? WRITE US A REVIEW, OK?

II

album fills that gap very effectively
with its high-rolling and low-rolling
rock and roll and rock and rolling, and
although it doesn't hit the peaks of
the above-mentioned victims of panic,
it certainly covers the ground in the
proper style,

SURFIN' WITH THE VILETONES is
something of a departure for the boys
from Toronto (of all the places to have
a surf band! But then, there were all
those Japanese surf bands a couple of
years ago, and you couldn't even read
the lyric sheets! ) and it certainly
makes a refreshing change after listen-
ing to all the disco-punk on the radio.

The album is smooth and atmospheric
and sophisticated. Almost eclectic, in
fact. There's a distinct taste of
California in much of Freddy Pompeii's
guitar (especially the acoustic passages
in "Schizophrenia Not Glue" and "Future
Fabricators"). Nazi Dog's singing is
exotic and rich in flavour throughout,
especially on "Vilin' USA" (a suedo-
rework of "Blue Swede Pseuds") and a$
Nev©5?-¥hettgh*-5fc-WeHld-Hap£ena
"Wouldn't It Be Nice" (which is almost
as magnificent as the original version
by The Rubinoos).

Check out Motor Mike's fabulous
drumming on the slowly swinging, almost
jazzy "Surf in' With The TV On" and
you'll hear the closest a surf band has
ever come to making a m«s4e soundtrack
for a Japanese horror »©v4e film, I
must also mention £&ek&e-9eafeh~fl Chris
Hate's bass guitar solo at the end of
"Surf in* Too Hard" which loop-de -loops
through all kinds of time changes before
fading out into an electronic climax
that links this song and the next one,
"The Loneliness Of The Long Distance
Viletone"* an autobiographical sketch
of life on the road as The Vile tones
know it.

The lyrics of "Surf in' Too Hard"
bear repeating in their entirityj
I'M SURFIN* TOO HARD ON THE RADIO
I'M SURFIN' TOO HARD, GOT NOWHERE

TO GO
I'M GONNA GIVE UP, BABY I DON'T

KNOW
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, IT'S ON

WITH THE SHOW
YEAH, I'M SURFIN' TOO HARD ON THE

R.A.D.I.O. YEAH YEAH *
Now that's rock and roll: makes The
Ramones sound like TV And The Sunshine
Band. I can't wait for the next one.

~£«?HAN¥S

*© Vile -Tunes Inc.

12

THE BEACH BOYS LOVE YOU
THE BEACH BOYS
(Brother/Reprise KMS-2258 )

WHY DCES EVERY CANADIAN POP PUBLICATION
IGNORE THE BEACH BOYS? WHY IS THEIR
NEW SINGLE, "ROLLER SKATING CHILD",
DIEING ON THE RACKS?
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DAVID MARKS?

(see PIG Paper #6)
I SUBMITTED THE FOLLOWING TO SAM
"CHEEP THRILLS" CHARTERS FOR USE IN
"STAGE LIFE NUMBER ONE" BUT LOST OUT
IN FAVOUR TO A REVIEW OF NANETTE
WORKMAN'S "GRITS AND CORNBREAD" . BUT I
DIDN'T GIVE UP. I'VE REPRINTED IT
BELOW IN ITS ENTIRITY. (SOMETIMES IT
PAYS TO HAVE YOUR OWN MAGAZINE) (BUT
USUALLY IT DOESN'T). EVERYONE GO SEE
THE BEACH BOYS AT THE CNE AUGUST 28
AND 29 » OKAY? AND FLOOD THIS ADDRESS
WITH FAN MAIL IF YOU WILLi

BBFUN

145** 5TH STREET

SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA, 90^01
AND BUY ANY ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF BB
LPs NOW ON THE MARKET. PLEASE.

As you pick up KMS-2258, you'll
notice first a spanking-new Dean 0.
Torrence (of JAN AND DEAN MEET BATMAN
fame) creation on the cover, which
recalls to my mind his wife's artwork
on Nilsson's THE POINT. Inside, a
snappy B&W sleeve, recording pictori-
ally the band's "Sweet 16 (Years Old)
Concert And Party" on one side, and a
suitable-for-worship pic of Brian
Wilson on the flip, atop an inscription
from brothers Carl and Dennis, cousin
Michael Love, and ex-dental student
Alan Jardine. I'm not gonna tell you
what said inscription sez either t
You'll just have to buy the album, or
at least slit the shrink wrap and peek
inside it when Sam isn't looking.

Next, you lunge towards the turn-
table as you gawk at the writing
credits on the label t All big fourteen
authored by B.Wilson, with help on one
apiece by M.Love, A. Jardine, and R,
McGUINN?!? You sit down, just like you
did with PET SOUNDS eleven years ago,
and await rock&roll frontiers to
crumble .

APRIL FOOLS! You find yourself
boogalooing instead t The first Beach
Boys party music since WILD HONEY is
making your feet do things you never
thought they could. To hell with artt
LONG LIVE ROCK! And all of this during

Side One, Song One, which, incidentally,
is called "Let Us Go On This Way".
Dennis is flailing away at his snare In
true Dave Clark style as Brian lets
loose with those patented "Little Girl I
Once Knew" chords on the Brother Studios
synthesizer. True to BB R&B form, 111*
brother Carl's voice is front and centre.
I think the song's about Brian's $90-an-
hour shrink, though co-author Mike pups
up that theory with his lyrical refrences
to the Maharishi, or ESP if you prefer.

Next, you're still vopping, 'cause
it's "Roller Skating Child", which, along
with "Mona" and single-that-should-be
"Honkin' Down The Hi#iway", are atypical
Brian rockers which would be just as at
home on the SUMMER DAYS album. Great
music. Fun, fun, fun.

You can sit down for "Johnny Carson"
and "Good Time" however. The Tonight
Show cut is outstanding, both musically
(put tongue in cheek to Mike's rye'n'dry
delivery of the all-time most banal
refrain Rhymin' Brian's ever produced i
WHO'S THE MAN WE ALL ADMIRE?
JOHNNY CARSON IS A REAL LIVE WIRE ♦*)
and lyrically (marvel at the ingenious
organ/drum break). Bonafide Beach Boy
Freaks United will recognize "Good Time"
from Marilyn and Diane Rovell's long-
deleted and sorrowfully-ignored SPRING
album » It's the same instrumental track
on LOVES YOU, only streamlined somewhat.
Herein, Al demonstrates that he's the
only B.Boy who can still hit those
audible -only-to«hound-dog notes.

And speaking of honeys, Marilyn
joins Brian on "Let Us Put Our Hearts
Together", which is Mrs. Wilson's first
appearance on one of hubby's elpees
since "Bull Session With The Big Daddy"
circa March '65« This item is bound to
be covered to death by the likes of
Donny & Marie & Sonny & Cher. Gurls
also crop up in "The Night Was So Young"
"I'll Bet He's Nice", "Love Is A Woman",
and "I Want To Pick You Up". Only the
latter, sung by the group's resident
heart-throb Denny, approaches anywhere
near the emotion which the syrupy lyric
deserve. (By the way, the Dennis Wilson
LP, PACIFIC OCEAN BLUES, is due any day
now. Buy it too).

"Solar System" and "Airplane"
consist of Brian's Crayola poetry. But
in defence of this shortcoming, I
subscribe to Terry Melcher's view of
the role of lyrics in rockt "Nobody ever
asked Mozart what the fucking words
were".

Okay i A fine album, right? A far

cry from the graffiti-ridden 15 BIG ONES
and proof that Bashful Bri's on his way
back. We could 've used a bit more imput
from Carl (I guess he's just letting Big
Brother catch up) BUT WAIT JUST A MINUTE
or fifty-seven seconds to be exacts
You've probably missed the highlight of
the entire record. No, I don't mean that
inscription on the sleeve... It's hidden
right at the end of the first side. You
recognize the name of band seven as the
working title of one of Dennis' P.O.
BLUES cuts. Yes, "Ding Dang (Ding And A
Ding Dong)", Yeah, I know, dumb words
again, but you know what Terry said.
Just listen Instead to The Beach Boys*
prime assets The Five Voices. The
Hawthornian Chant has never sounded
finer. My Gawd, it's "Mama Says'? and
"Our Prayer" all rock-and-rolled into
one, with a dash of Mike Love, still
master of the "fast songs". We knew Ihe
Beach Boys always put their best stuff
on Side One, but who could have ever
expected THIS?! Brian should compose on
Roger McGulnn's piano more often.

Allright. Dance time again. Time
to start THE BEACH BOYS LOVE YOU all
over again. But to prevent wearing it
out too fast, all you kids who are now
confirmed surfnlks oughta pick up on
these other platters real fasts
All 2*+ remaining Beach Boys albums
THE JAN AND DEAN ANTHOLOGY ALBUM on

United Artists
SURF BATTLEs DAVE MYERS & THE SURF

TONES VERSUS THE RHYTHM KINGS on

GNP-Crescendo
and if you just can't stop,
THE MANY MOODS OF MURRY WILSON on, of

course, Capitol.
Or start up your very own vocal-
oriented pop combo. These records will
tell you how. Just don't say I didn't
warn you.

-GARY PIG

♦♦©Brother Publishing Co,

13

gOlJgE OF NOSTAIglA
I255"VELLINGT0N §f, OTTAWA
Specializing in:
♦50s, 60s, 70s rock
♦Original LPs,45s,EPs
♦Movie posters, lobby cards
♦Comlos, pop bubblegumoards
SEND YOUR WANT LIST TO:
Ted Vallee

463 Cambridge So.,Apt.308
Ottawa, Ontario, K1S 5G3

:.

14

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DAVIDS

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