To Have And Have Not

CHAPTER IX
IN at Freddy's he wanted to tell him about it
but he couldn't. There wasn't anybody in the bar
and he sat on a stool and wanted to tell him, but
it was impossible. As he was ready to tell him he
knew Freddy would not stand for it. In the old
days, maybe, yes, but not now. Maybe not in
the old days either. It wasn't until he thought of
telling it to Freddy that he realized how bad it was.
I could stay right here, he thought, and there
wouldn't be anything. I could stay right here and
have a few drinks and get hot and I wouldn't be
in it. Except there's my gun on the boat. But
nobody knows it's mine except the old woman.
I got it in Cuba on a trip the time when I peddled
those others. Nobody knows I've got it. I could
stay here now and I'd be out of it. But what the
hell would they eat on? Where's the money
coming from to keep Marie and the girls? I've got
no boat, no cash, I got no education. What can a
one-armed man work at? All I've got is my cojones
to peddle. I could stay right here and have say
five more drinks and it would be all over. It would
be too late then, I could just let it all slide and do
nothing.
'Give me a drink,5 he said to Freddy.
'Sure.'
K 145