To Have And Have Not

HARRY MORGAN-WINTER
'He asked you what?' he said, his voice coming
from a long way away.
'To marry him/
'Why?'
'Because he loves me. Because he wants me to
live with him. He makes enough money to support
me.5
'You're married to me.'
'Not really. Not in the church. You wouldn't
marry me in the church and it broke my poor
mother's heart as you well know. I was so senti-
mental about you I'd break anyone's heart for you.
My, I was a damned fool I broke my own heart,
too. It's broken and gone. Everything I believed in
and everything I cared about I left for you because
you were so wonderful and you loved me so much
that love was all that mattered. Love was the
greatest thing, wasn't it? Love was what we had
that no one else had or could ever have? And you
were a genius and I was your whole life. I was your
partner and your little black flower. Slop. Love is
just another dirty lie. Love is ergoapiol pills to make
me come around because you were afraid to have a
baby. Love is quinine and quinine and quinine until
I'm deaf with it. Love is that dirty aborting horror
that you took me to. Love is my insides all messed
up. It's half catheters and half whirling douches. I
know about love. Love always hangs up behind the
bath-room door. It smells like lysol. To hell with
love. Love is you making me happy and the going
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