understand that. They don't know how you feel.
Because good men are scarce. They just don't have
them. Nobody knows the way you feel, because
they don't know what it's all about that way.
I know. I know too well. And if I live now twenty
years what am I going to do? Nobody's going to
tell me that and there ain't nothing now but take
it every day the way it comes and just get started
doing something right away. That's what I got to
do. But Jesus Christ, what do you do at nights is
what I want to know.
How do you get through nights if you can't sleep?
I guess you find out like you find out how it feels to
lose your husband. I guess you find out all right.
I guess you find out everything in this goddamned
life. I guess you do all right. I guess I'm probably
finding out right now. 'You just go dead inside and
everything is easy. You just get dead like most
people are most of the time. I guess that's how it is
all right, I guess that's just about what happens
to you. Well, I've got a good start. I've got a good
start if that's what you have to do. I guess that's
what you have to do all right. I guess that's it
I guess that's what it comes to. All right. I got a
good start then. I'm way ahead of everybody now.
Outside it was a lovely, cool, sub-tropical winter
day and the palm branches were sawing in the light
north wind. Some winter people rode by the house
on bicycles. They were laughing. In the big yard