Google
This is a digital copy of a book that was preserved for generations on library shelves before it was carefully scanned by Google as part of a project
to make the world's books discoverable online.
It has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject
to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books
are our gateways to the past, representing a wealth of history, culture and knowledge that's often difficult to discover.
Marks, notations and other maiginalia present in the original volume will appear in this file - a reminder of this book's long journey from the
publisher to a library and finally to you.
Usage guidelines
Google is proud to partner with libraries to digitize public domain materials and make them widely accessible. Public domain books belong to the
public and we are merely their custodians. Nevertheless, this work is expensive, so in order to keep providing tliis resource, we liave taken steps to
prevent abuse by commercial parties, including placing technical restrictions on automated querying.
We also ask that you:
+ Make non-commercial use of the files We designed Google Book Search for use by individuals, and we request that you use these files for
personal, non-commercial purposes.
+ Refrain fivm automated querying Do not send automated queries of any sort to Google's system: If you are conducting research on machine
translation, optical character recognition or other areas where access to a large amount of text is helpful, please contact us. We encourage the
use of public domain materials for these purposes and may be able to help.
+ Maintain attributionTht GoogXt "watermark" you see on each file is essential for in forming people about this project and helping them find
additional materials through Google Book Search. Please do not remove it.
+ Keep it legal Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just
because we believe a book is in the public domain for users in the United States, that the work is also in the public domain for users in other
countries. Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country, and we can't offer guidance on whether any specific use of
any specific book is allowed. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in Google Book Search means it can be used in any manner
anywhere in the world. Copyright infringement liabili^ can be quite severe.
About Google Book Search
Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers
discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web
at |http: //books .google .com/I
r
\
k
Ka:)E
A
1
COLLECTION
Scarce^ Curious and Valuablb
PIECE S,
Both in Verse and Prose;
ChUtLy CtU6Ud
\ Trom the fugitive Prodadliouf
The moft eminent Wits of tho
prcfent Age^
^4
ri«MHi«i«i4»*aMaiMi*a«tfHHMaittaaA
" ' ' ' • '■ ridentem dicere Tcram
'<iuid vctat
/
El> I N B U R G H:
l^rioted by W. Ruddiman.
i*^
r '
. <
THE ^: v^ \ ^X
PUBLIC II3!w-3Y
4251 ;n
Afitt>ft. L£.V
TTionr rcL^
>
A 1> V E R-T I S EM E N T.
I HAVE been attentive to admit
nothing into the prefent CoUedli-
*^ i .
on, that did not appear to i?ie^ of iflappr-r
tance and value^.^ Many jof the. {wlq^e^
were, exceedingly, rare, and cqn^^cd.to
the cabinets of the curious : others of
them are particularly interefltipg^/fprn
I tiie topics they treat, and in all of thi^ni
vthere is^hig^ poetical in^rit, * -_ ; ■ ^
^It is a juftice t(J the ^memory of in-
genioTis men to beftow an attention on
thofe of their performances, which^
frOi*i the manner of their original pub-
lication, have Uttle probability of de-
scending to pofterity. This ikiall Vo-
lume I have ventured to <fedicate. to
this purpofe. It is a record of merit,
which might have been negle(5led j and
i
A D V E R T I S E IVITE K T.
of ^iti ^hich niiglit have ceafed to
excite admiration. /
#
Men of genius are too often indiffe-
rent iabout the fate of their fugitive
f>ieces ; and ^he "genetality of readers
are too carelefs to Tearch after them.
It is, theriefore, abfolutely neceflary,
that there be, in the republic' of letters,
a few unambitious members, who have
a pleafure in the himible tafk of collec-
ting .what others have written.
"W A 1- / R U D D^I M A Nr
Edinbur-gh,
June 1773-
G' O' Uv T E:i N' T Sv
TTi ODONDOj^or the State Jugglery Xruthtec:
Cantoji.:, . > ^
ilSantoI* — — -. — pagcL X
IL Refignation? -^ -^ . 2&
'4rt of Politics^ io imitatipii of Horace's Art
* of Poetry — .. ~v. 8t
of Preach iogy^dk to. — *t — 113
of Cookery, .dittg ; with Letters to Dr
Lifter, &c. .— — -*— - Ijit
:t of Dancin|;^.ia two. Cantos^
IL "f — - ^— — aid
irleqam-Horace ; or, the Art of Modem
Foetrjr — — aji
of Anjglmg; to eight Dialogues, in Verfe i
I>isdogiie
a •
it CONTENT S.
Dialogae I. a Defence of Angling — .
—^ — If. Some general jlules of Sport
— The Anglers Song —
■ . . III. Angling for Tront «— .
•i-—— IV* Angling for Perch —
*
V. Angling for Carp ■ i
VI. Mixed Angling ' — . . -—
VIL Trowling for Pike —
•^ — Vnt Fifliitfg-for Pike with Lay.
Art of Lying; (an Introduclion to) -^
Art of Panning, in thirty-four Rules —
TheManbfTatte *-i —
Th* Poet^r-Pfayer ^ '— —
Genius^ Virtue, and Rcputatidn> a Table
V:
r ' ' ' ^ r , ■'^\
• - - ■• - '. •' V ■ .
' - 1 '
• '-* ...
, , - r . , • .. .
R D N D
' . . 1 . ■ ■ ■
• 9 - «o
• c
^' if ^
w » ^ •. «
• • •»<•;,
■» V ♦
R O D ON D o;
b R T H JS
STATE JUGGLERS.
C A N T O I.
WHEN learning grew to fuch a head
That authors wrote, who never read i
And fpecial witi, in verfe and profe.
Like mufhfoonii, in a night arofe ;
Regard the Town a day, and then
Sunk to obfcurity again.
When Henley, pride of Butcher Row,
Wai gone where Ch — 11 too muft go ;
But like Elijah left his fpirit.
For this Eliflia to inherit.
When bare a — I'd Caledonian rogues,
Forfook their oatmeal, plaids, and brogues ;
And over Berwick»bridge came locking.
For GalligaikiBe, (hoe and docking.
When knowledge, courage, fenfe, and worth.
Were firft defin'd by South and Norths
And Tweed's irftmeaUe waves,.
Became the boundary of— knaves*
2 R O D O N D O, OR
When even T— pic grew a wife aian,
And gauged the ftatc like an cxcife-man : -
Imbibing fympathetic wit^
And eloquence frprti brother P-tt.
Then great Rodondo left the fleerage.
And took a Pinfion and a Peerage ; "
Yet,w^rn*d by patriot P — tn — y'» fate,
He klck*d and hoggled at the bait ;
Uor would he touch a fingle teller ; **
But left all that to Lady E— — r;
See what it is, to have a wife ! '
She wears the co'fonet for life ;
And for her fake he floops to bear.
Three thoufand Englifh pounds a^year !
And ftill 2i patriot firm and true,
^ Is not obliged to ^i/^i/^ /tf/ s.
But (lands upon his honour (lill.
Like captain Bluff^ or Bob adil.
Yet, left this pimping penfion ftory.
Should tafnifti patriotic glory.
He took at once to thrifty courfes,
And wifely advertised his horfes :
As who (hould fay ; '' 'tis all a lie :
I can't afford a/er/; not I !"
With borrow'd pair thro* Cheapfidc drove,
To thank the city for her love ;
And zealous in his country's caufe, ,,j^
Bow'd and huzza'd^-An^ own applaufe I
: ' ' : "Br'
- \
^
1
Thb STATE JUGGLERS j
By lofs of place ami foiver a winne^
Ofpenfiofiyfeerage; mob and dinner:
Then ftuff'^I with pudding as with praife,
Ketlr'd to folitude and H — yes!
But there his time was not mifpeot.
Like common folks in hanifhment*
He fcorn'd to play at duck and drakf,
Like Scipio on pond or lake.
j\t plough like Cihcinnatus toil ; .
Or in a pipkin turnips boil : ->
Eat fiifh with Milo at MarfeUlea :
With Alcibiadcs tame quails ;
Looik after oxea like Apollo, ^ ^
And tunc his pipe to jigg> or folo t
No, great Rbdondo's mighty mind,
Defpis'd all paftime of that kind -,
For, as of Hudibras the fword,
. One half its fcabbard erft devoured,
And would have ipade the whole a prize,
Unlcfs for nobler ex,ercire ;
So his great foul, if left at eafe,
Wou'd gnaw his flefh, as maggots, cheefe ;
Ox tempt the gout his deadly foe.
To pick a quarrel with his toe>
And lay him fairly by thd heels.
As he himfelf laid down thc/^^?// ; \
Unlefs to all he made it plain.
That he would take them up again ;.
A 2 " "WVi^t^e^w
<
«' RODONDO, ojL
But never blutb to own your yielding _
To Garth^ and £nce to Harry Fielding^
And others whoj at le^ and trial^
Affirm you gave tKem no deniaU
You porter drinking Ch ■ ' 11 wooesj
Witli tropes and figures from the ftews s
And to incline you to his paiEon,
Of tankard's bottom makes libation :
But you to all his vows averie.
Turn on his muddinefs your « ;
Which he adores with much devotion.
And kilTe^,— -iwhed you make a motion.
And hence it follows his North Briton
And Cioft, SLTt only fit to (h-«-t on*
grant me> laughter»loving dame,
1 think Thalia is thy name.
The boon which humbly I implore.
To kifs thy hand, apd parts before.
And I relinqnifh thofe behind.
To fueh as arc of Ch l i's mind.
Now (hou'd we to the fubjed rufh :
Good wine they tell us, needs no bufh ;
And wits^ indeed, in days of yore /
Ran it (in jockey phrafe) off fcore.
They knew before hand what came next.
And. (luck like preachers to a text ;
£
k -
r»»--^ i.
{
I
The state JUGGLERS, y
But we^ in all tjiings fons of Frfledom> ' » |
Admire their rules^ but nerer heed 'c».
What man of fpiri.t. would be bouad^
To plod like ftray in manor pound?
No, rather like a dog in fnow,
4
That pifTes high and pifles low ;
Or friendly falconers, we fly
At all, and now we touch die (ky^
And now we dive, and aow we flutter^
And now we lifp, and now we ftutter.
And fometimes walk, and (bnetimet cfetp,
And often nod, and oft'ner ileep ;
Of which we great example boaft.
From Triftram Shandy* and the Ghoft :
All hail great author of the latter 1
Greater than Triftram, becaufe fatter ;
Of Pharaoh's kine thou oppoCte,
Can'ft make a dinner of a fp Vite I
But who that fees thee wou'd divine.
That thou upon a ghofl; mud dine ?
Yet it is meet thou (hou'd'ft be fed,
Becaufe a parfon, on the dead.
Praife thou the Lord for hot and hot.
For beef a Ghoft, for beer a Scot !.— —
Reader^
* It is proper to aflc the author of Triftraio Shandy pardoa
for bringing him into fuch company. The performancej
here mentioned are only alikeinirregularity.jiiithac alone
was the author of the Ghoft able to copy from bis t^riginaU
(
* R O D O N D O, or
Reader^ have you obfervM a hack
With citt juft got upon hit back^
Loth to forfake the (lable-door^
Regardlefs of the fiogle fpur :
At length, by dint of that and whip^
With fnaiMike pace thro' gateway creep.
The purposed road to Hackney (hen.
And take the way of Iflington ;
-Halt at each ftile, turn up each lane ?
The cockney tugs th^ reins in vain.
Head, hands, and heels in vain he plies;
In vain he rides,. in vain he flies;
The fober beaft will have his whim ;
No Sunday's pudding waits for him.
Juft fo the feeble modern bard.
In great Apollo's idable-yard.
By help of jofling-block gets on
The ancient hack of Helicon :
To try his metal on the road.
Of neck break dithyrambic o^^.
To jcg along the path of tale ;
Or (lumber in the paft^rai vale.
Thro' fields efffioJarfdrsiy ;
To drc;am a Night or doze a Day.
The bard puts xm pbetic face.
And all impatient for the race
He rowls bis e^yes, and bites his cj^uill ;
But (urly Pegafus ftands ftill.
For
tbe state jugglers.
For Pegafus^ ta (ky. the le^ft.
Is but a head^SroQg refty beaft :
And when by city bardt bedridden^
(We can't in juflice call it ridden)^
He rears before^ and jerks behind i
Or takes what-road, he has a nund*
The pdet roofts.ltke fi:>wl or peixh^
And dares not ufe or ipur or bfrch f
But by th^ tail and mane holds fafl:^
Yet tumbles it the dirt at laft^
But t*other day a mongrel par(bia
Ventur'd to clap his brawny at— e oa
The outfide of this^lkittifb ]a4t|
To rumble thro* a Rofciad s
The parfoa then was overtaken^
And beer for this, bouf (kv'd his bacon*
An ancient praverb fays, God guards
JDrunkards, and chiefly- drunken bards»
He rode like chanpipn or bear- warden^
From, Drury- lane to Covcnt- garden :
Charged thro' the players thin and thick.
With fifty cvflF and fingle ftick.
In hardy buff he march'd the rpund^
One luckleis eye in *kerchicf bound*
For eyes are often black and blue.
When parfons will be Brulfers too*
Before him Buckhorfe walk'd in ftate.
And carry 'd on a pole eUCe,
OxtftX
to R O DON DO, OR
Great Broughton's fi(ls> and Brbughton's head?
Broughton^ of brqifcrs once the dread !
And fifty diiFcrebt tongues repeat
The vii^or motto^ " never beat !'*
An awful truth in days of yore ;
But now, alas ! a truth no more !
The pdrfon fmil^s, as who fhou'd fay,
* Thitt every dog will' have hts day*
As emblems- of his dbublefkilJ,
To break a jaw ; or wield a quill j
Arrang'd upon his dexter fide
M^rch'd two fttpporters, W kes and L — yd I
A happy pair; endow'd by nature,
- ^ith miatchlels wit and matchlefs feature.
With glance oblique one outward throws ^
His eyes ; one Ajichors on his nofe.
O W — kes ! Muft I repeat thy name.
And leave the great, the glorious theme
Unfung ? No, mufe the lay begin ;
lafpire me with his native Gin*
The mufe replies, '^ Another time
< Shall furnifh Gin, (half furnifh rhime,
< for grain»defcended W — kes, but now
< Go on with Ch II and the (how."
Flcas*d I fubmit. Who can refufe
Paffive obedience to his mufe !
His left was guarded by a pair
Of rivals in gynlnaflic war.
I
The state JUGGLERS. it
•^Ye meaner worthws efthe kouc]c]e, • '
To MaggSy and to the Niiler truckle 1
And chifcfly, by whatever nam«
You (land in Tottenham's roiis of fam«. •
^Whether the Cyclops plcaTc you moft ;
Or plainer Steyenfon you boafl :
Whether on high, like Phaeton^
You urge the foaming courftrs on ;
Or humbler guard the chariot wheel^
ProtcAor of the coramon-wcal,
. When B— 'C (for fur^ the tale is true)
Din'd with our mayor> back*d by you I
Ah (hun thofe feconds of our bard^
If you your only eye regard !
The trembling crowd at diftancc ftare,
To fee them poize their fills in air ;
And pointing to the brawny feer^
Cry, '* Damn yoUr day-lights, look ye here !"
A poet of Mileilan >breed.
Led by the rein the bounding deed ;
He too, like parfon Ch ■ ■11, bad
Occafion for a double trade :
JHe wrought in bricks, and wrote a play,
Which hardeft would be hard to fay.
The mighty Befs whom Europe dreaded,
Fird box'd the earl, and then beheaded $
But Irifh bricklayer more cruel,
Murder'd poor Effex with his trowell-^ '
12 R O D O N D O, •*
Behind^ and bearing up the piU,
Id ift, his robet |K>ntifical^
Came be who carried Fahny V farce on,
A clerk^ now fitted with a parfon.
He fwore tVould be a nobie match^
To join his Scribble to her Scratch ;
And gave his principal a hidty
To put the Manufcratch in print :
For zounds ! quoth he, what mighty feats
Wou*d fuch a pair perform in Sheet j /
T^he crowd was tickled with the notion^
And W — kes and l. — yd approvM the motion :
Maggs and the Nailer too confent ;
What, they promote who can prevent ?
Buckhorfe and Bricklayer give way.
Hey for Cock-laie. Huzza ! huzza !^—
Our parfon faw it was in vain>
To thwart the humour of his train :
And tho' he did not greatly chufe
Alliance with a fuccubus.
As being by his trade a foe^
To all the hierarchy below ;
Yet rather than be thought to flinch,
HeM venture on th' infernal w^Kh ;
The rather ftili as parfons may
Procure a dinner, any way.
Towards the city then he rode ;
But halted at the Robin Hood ;
Cr
The state jugglers. 13
Cry'd, ^' d— n my eje$ aad limbs^ but kere
I'll have a doable pot of bter !
Here, raighty Henley, type of me.
Gave ledbores of true oratVy.
Here firft he publifh'd tp the nation
His own, and my divine legation* .
Here left to me his parti and flock ;
And here to me had left his cloak ;
But he had none ! That gown, behold^ ^
So torn, fo iiifty, and fo old i
That caiTock (ee, pf nut-brown hue ;
That gown was his, that cafTock toe !
But here's the^cure of aJl my woes*
Sorrow is dry. — Come W— kcs, — here goes."
So draio'd the pitcher to the dregs,
" Well puird, confound mylitnbs,*' quoth Maggs,
W — kes fquinted with tremendous leer,*
And fwore he would not guzzle beer ; •
But added, with a horrid grla^
I'll pledge you o'er and o'er in gin.
Then alk'd the parfon to alight :
He did, got drunk, and wrote his Night,
Which this important truth contains
That drinking never hurts his brains; ^
There is Tfolid reafon for't.
The parfon has no brahrs to hurt.
Admire in him great Nature's Art !—
She to-^lhe purpofe fits the ^jltX > '
' B- ^H K:^
■>•'
,4 R a D O N, D O^ OA
And therefore that his noddle fhou'd
RefiH: all battery of wood.
She, in her hcay'nly prcfcience, '
EndoW'd him with a feven-fold fence.
The weighty Ajax heretofore
A feven-fold fhield in battle wore ;
But he, more weighty and more dull^
Relies upon a feven-fold ikull.
How he again the fteed beftrode.
And from Cock^lane with Fanny rod ;
How the old palfrey took to tripping.
And he to fwearing, fpurring, whipping :
How hat and wig to boot he loft.
And bruis'd his fhin againft a poft.
Which made him wifh he had been booted ;
How thofe that once huzza'd him hooted ;
How, after many ftrange vagaries
He reach'd the hoJe, yclep'd Black Mary's*;
How palfrey plung'd, and parfon fell.
Into the vault at Clerkenwell ;
How there he rdll'd and fprawl'd aiouf,
And ftrove , but never could get out.
Another canto muft difplay.
For now Rodondo claims the layt
Rodondo, while as yet but young,
Was noted for a flippant tongue s
Had
Thji state jugglers. xS
Had honefty,— enough to fwcar by.
Hit vote BO miniftcr cou'd e'er buy.
He thought there was a furer way.
To make his fortune than an Aye ;
In oppofitioD fierce as Tartar j
He never gave Bob Booty quarter.
A»d thus it grew. Tho now he fcora it^
Rodondo once was but a cornet {
And Bob fagacioufly obferving.
That people are not fond of ftarving,
Believ'd the way to ftop hisr prating
Tongue, was to keep his teeth from eating*
But have y«u ever known a hound.
Or pointer, to the manger bound.
With howling deafen half the ftreet ,
Add to filence him ftarv'd and beat— -
And did this method e'er iiicceed.
With any cur of noble breed ?
No, towzcr*s howling grows the ftronger.
The more he's beat, or pinch *d with hunger.
An empty belly grumbles moll ;
Which Bob experienc'd to his coll.
For after having done his word,
Rodondo ^rew more crofs and curil :
And never ceas'd to bite and fnarl.
Till Bob was outed and an earl. *
He rais*d the nation's apprehenfions.
With court, corruption, f/aces^fenfions.
B 2 VJ^T^%
i t
i
^5 R O D O N D O, on
N
Words which^ When well ditk&ed, mean
That I am out, and ye are in ••
But which, when properly repeated^
In every queftion that's debated.
Can ope a thoufand mouths at oQce; ,
And make a hero of a dunce.
Your IF is good at making peace.
Rod end o went to war with tke/c.
He knew that arguing and reasoning,
1$ like a poach'd egg without reasoning ;
And therefore that the furefl ground.
Was fcoroing (eud, to ilick to foHiad ;
For found w^ll managed never tires^
While fenfe difgufts our country 'fquiret*
Ohferving this, he ftudy'd phrafei, *
To pop out in Important cafes :
On all occaiions he purloin'd 'em ;
And when he could hot (teal, he coiu'd 'em.
, Thus Downright (Bohadil can tell ye),
Had ne'er a good one in his helly :
Cudgeil he might, if anger move him.
But Bajlinado was above him.
From that Rodondo took the hint.
And ftampt new verbage in his mint.
The vulgar faid tquality g
But he farallelallty ! —
So long, fo liquid, and fo fine :
It almod helps ine out a liae* \
Cuiit
V.
The state JUGGLERS, i?
Cuilt IS a word that looks fo grim^
*Twa8 eriminaiitj with him.
Nay, even from the Scots our foes
He borrow*d, to prolong his profe.
He klck'd old Engliih fairly put.
And took duhUty for douhi»
Thus, while from common fenfe he wander'd,
He brought the language to a ftandard :
And who the devil cou'd withftand
Phrafcs of fo much good command?
g
%
Like PuDchinell he hufF'd and vapour'd.
While meaner puppets fqueak'd and caper'd.
He did not value money. They
Can nevef want, who never pay !—
He had a nobler padion: fame.
No matter how, or whence it came.
He'd fave his country if he cou'd ;
But, d— n it ! e'er another (hou'd.
I know not how it came in*s noddle,
To take lord Peter for his model ;
And, what the mod of all furprizes.
Outdid him at his own devices.
Lord Peter only damn'd his foul,
'N\ ho doubted bread was fifh and fowl :
But he, without the aid of heaven,
Cou'd prove both fides of problem ^\^tiii
•B 3
K%
1,8 .R O D O N D O^ OIL
As thus; he quarrel I'd with a farm^
Aud thought it did the^ Manor harm.
He caird it by rhetoric figure
A mill-ftonc^ tho* 'twas rather bigger.
Which ty'd around old England's neck,
Wou'd make the ifle a pcrfeft wreck* .
The c ns thought hinx in the right ;
, The nation £roaM*d, and felt the weight!
But when Dame Bridlegoofe gave way.
And great Rodondo came in play.
His mouth in different drain he opes«
New times will ever breed nev/ tropes.
The mill-flone now becomes a feather I
To lighten us in ftormy weather. -
So fabled fatyr cou'd of old.
From the fame mouth blow hot and cold ;
But Satyr met with little praife ;
*Tis plain he li?'d not in our days. ^
**^ A feather. Sir \ 'tis paffing ftrange I
^ But things, I own, are apt to change.
* Good lack ! who cou'd have thought it now !
* A perfed eider-down, I vow !
< ril tell you ftranger ftill." O la !-
" That feather won America."—
" Nay, fure you jeft !" 'fblood Sir, 'tis true !
'f I yield. Who knows fo well as you,?"
Now-all fubmitted to his fway.
And Jehu-like, he drove away.
Talk
The 5TATE JUGGLERS. 79
Talk to him of the oation's dcht,
' He fworc it was a trifle ^^f—
A hundred miliioas (^-Bagatelle
A hundred more were pretty well.
Add hut a hundred more to thefe^
And then<-^we*il talk of making ^ase^
The citizens are all Aur friends;
Thirty per cent, to him who lends*
There's B—f— d,— and Sir, Sir, Sir J %^
Confound their vulgar city names ;
But fure the m*- r and t— d— r.
Can keep xhtrMbBle-r^ut in order.
Tho' do 'em judice they're content.
Provided that enough he (pent* .
Give hut a merchant prefect profit.
He takes, and thinks nx> farther of it. '
They're hut yonrfoo/s of lands and viMU^rs i
Your l%rds^ your iDorJhifSf and your icitaursj
Who fancy that the nation'4i guide
Shou'd for pofterity provide : »
But I defpife all fuch. God knows
I have no dirty landjs to lofe. .. ,
And then oecoDomy's fo.vile.
Four paultry millions won Belleifle ;
By which imp ort ant conqvke^, we
Have got the Sardine fifhery. ' .
The German war is now my own j
I warrant you I crfim it down.
I
20 R O D O N DO, OR
Our great commander Ferdinando,
Has (hown us what our money can do.
Is it not great to have a bridge 7
Of filver, with a golden edge ?
And then he kills our men fo finely,
I fwear our Gazettes read divinely.
What tell you me of Britifh blood ?
I buy it jufl as cheap as mud.
We have the gallon for 2l found :
That is, while m%ney can be found.
Then there's the Mars of proteftants :
Our guineas mud fupply hiis wants.
It has been Britain's cuftom ftill.
In every houfe to pay the hill ^
And (hou'd I break the good old fafhion.
'Twou'd hurt mj credit with the nation;
The money's none of mine, and fo
I care not how, nor .where it go.
New impofls I muft now contrive.
To make our manufactures thrive.
For taxes, all the world can tell,
Enable us—to aW^r/tf//;
And every mortal underflands.
That war produces — many hands.
The fcoundrels have no need to fad,
WeVe ufe for them hejore the maft :
Our conquefts mud be far extended ;
The more, the eafier defendcdt
* A
The. state JUGGLERS, ^t
' A fcattcry empire k tht flfngefl ^
^ Huzza for him that holds out Uwgiftm
* What tho* Viftfuffer in the procefi^
^ The end will folder up all lodes.—
' They fay indeed, ojic muft not ftretch
* An arm beyond its proper reach :
< But he who fays fo Is a flave,
' A jacoiffe, a huft^ a kuMVf^
' \\^ofo but whifpers fiich a ^og^
' Would fell his^country and his k-— 'i
* I prove it thus : U^iai rtgua hut fuck
* Wou'd 9ver dare tofajfi much ^»
With thefe conceits Rodouit^ RvdF'd,
For ipmetidie ftrutted, fwore^ and hofT'd.
The c— ns trembled at his nod.
And money lavilhly beftow'd.
The city furnifh*d cafh in plenty !
She gain*d four millions out of twifity ;
And for the fpoil the kulls MfJ hears
pft went together by the cars.
Thus having all at his command, ,
He pufliM the war by fea and land ;
Striking at ev*ry thing ^a,p-hazard i
But oft miftakiDg Hawke for Buzzard*
He fent us to the coafl of France,
Merely to (how his vigilance !-— :<
And 'tis a pity that Bcilcifle
Did not furrehder in April.
22 R O D O N D O, OR
The Britons bled for him alone ;
They had their pay, he the renown,
Hawke and Bofcawen fwell'd his pride,
And Wolfe for great Rodondo dy*d !—
To air men's merit he laid claim ;
B-rte, Bfidlegoofe, 'twas all the fame
Quoth Bridlegoofe ^' The plan Maid
Of conquering Canada." '^ That head
(Cries he*) *' is not fo wife as grey ;
^ Good Bridlegpofe ! go home, and lay
' Yonr eggs ; but know that he alone
^ Contrives the plan who drives it on."
, Kext B—te pretends to Martinlco.
'* You, cries Rodondo ? You \^^hfic$ /— •
* *Twere very pretty if a Scot
^ Shou'd take the credit of my plot.-—
' Not he who executes is wife,
* But he wh© flans an ent^rprize."
Thus in old ^fop's apologues.
The «ook was bit by brace of rogues :
But had he known Rodondo's knack.
He'd giv'n them their Dilemma back;
And fo, for joint thus ftoln away.
Had made them for a couple pay.
But why fhou'd L attempt to tell
How long he governed, and how well? .
Till c 1, tir'd of his dominion,
Prefuni'd to ^itkt in opinion,
About
rf'
The state jugglers 13
About feme trifling poor aflPair^
No greater than a Spanifh war ! ,
But fuch an infult ! Who cou'd bear it, .
That had a fingle grain of fpirit ? ' ^
To all our porters it is known.
That Britain mud be rulM by 9ne.
The c — 11 — rs are but hh minions.
And who e'er thought of their opinions \
The fecretary is the thing. *
Who minds the c — 1 or the k— g ? ' f, ^W
But tiey were of another mind.
And he in conie(][lience feftgn^d! — ,
Indeed tbe folks of (hallow fenfe, ' -
Thought this was only mere pretence, ,
Imagining he apprehended
A reckoning when the game was ended.
And fo he feiz'd it whe^ lie faw,
A fair occaflon to withdraw.
As politicians can't endure.
Of Rabelais, the Quart de Heure^«
But thefe were (hallow fools indeed t
-» »* I
Cou'hI great Rodondo ever nctd ' ' ;> -
Apkxiogy
• The Qnart dc Hcure de llabelais, in France, is the
time of payiag the bill; Rabelais was alway^i^ merry in com*
pany till that arrived; but the notion . of /)j^/V/f made an im-
preflion on his fpirits, which a fall quarter of an hotir
icarcely dillipated. From him it ha^ g'>ne into a proverb,^
which our countryman feems to haVe had in view when he
wrote.
The dreadful reck'iijwg comes ; men ftaWe xvo motc\
1
i4 R O t>ON D O, OR
Apology or vindicatioa
With a proteCied, grateful nstion ?
Pafs we his love for lady E— t ;
His tears he fhed to r ■ ' " ■ \ m— — r ; *
Hovr ht his cattfe adverth^d,
That all the world might be advis'd
Not only of his fall, but thrift :
It was a fair and honeft fhift.
He formerly had known its ufe s
When he fell out with Bridlegoofe.
And we the fame wou*d recommend
On lil^ occafion to a friend. ^
We pafs his letter to the knight
So m%defly pithy ; fo polite.
A fmall but precious piece it is,
And ftampt indelibly for hi%i
And lateft ages mufl deplore
That writing it, he wrote no more !
All thefe we pafs ; but can't difpeofe.
To mark the ways of providence.
No fooner was Rodondo out.
Than thofe that crofs'd him tak'd about.
'Tis true on better grounds they went,
But he was right — by the event— ^
Becaufe intuitive Ij knowing
Whateverat Madrid was doing,
He thoHght a timely blow well laid,
Wou'd knock their projcds all o'thc head.
Sii
The state JUGGLERS. 25
Since when a nation goes to war,
Tis weak to bid tke foe take care.
Yet all his wrongs he fet afide.
And tho* he would no longer guiJe
In body ; dill his mighty fool
Rode in the florm, — and rulM the whole !
His bare idea was omt Jhiiter,
And drove the Spaniard» belter (kelter*
His fpirit noarch'd our troops before 0,
Infpir'd by him^ they ftorm'd the Moro I
For what cou'd B — te or A le,
Unlefs he undertook the quarrel ?
Mark now of providence the ways.
His was the viork, and bis the prMtfc.
End 0/ C a n t e I*
y
RODONDO;
R O D O N D O;
O R T H E .
STATE' JUGGLERS.
Aiti Aiiiiliiti AAifrAAAttiitiA AA A^ JWAAV-*-^ * * •- a .■•l ■•.■» m. ^.m. «..♦.
C A N T O II.
RESIGNATION.
HAIL^ ReGgnatioD^ peerlefs dame !
Thou (horteft, fureft road to fame 1
Tho' not the ruflct-maotlcd maid*.
That mufes in the woodland (hade.
With fober eye and brow unbent,. ^
A younger fiftcr to content $
Who like a fading meteor hung
Upon the fault'ring lips of Young :
But coy and courtly Refignation,
Who by retiring mends her fhition !
She, dread of weaknefs, fcorn of fenfe,
lAdXf ircafon, half impertinence,
Draws her defcent from nobler race ;
For what ennobles all men ? place^
And fure what dignifies the taker.
Mud do much more to the forfaker —
♦ An intelUgent reader will be apt to guefs, that we mean
here the virtue called KefigQatioxii a very pafiivc fort of
Bards
The state JUGGLEilS. a?
Bards Cog, that tir'd with iivil wars,
Faftion dcvolv'd oo her his cares ;
Of all his loves the deareft pledge.
Fools call her molhtv privilege :
But genealogifts agree.
That Licence was the happy (he.
With lovely liberty old Fa^ion
Wou*d very fain have heen io a^ioD,
And praflis'd all his arts to woo her ;
Not from defire, but to undo her.
With ev'ry grace and virtue deck*d^
Fair Liberty had one defe^ ;
Too hoaeft to be wife, her heart— «
Was not enough aware of art \
She took all thofe for real friends
•I
That follow her for private ends.
On this, and fome faiall itch for flattery.
The hoary letcher raisM his battery ;
And prefs'd the fiege with fuch addrefs.
As wanted little of fuccefs %
Yet fail'd at length impolitic-Iy,
By throwing off the mafic too quickly;
On which the traitor had recourfe
To the lad plea of lovers, force.
But in the very way which you know
Jove baulk'd Ixion's fport With Juno,
He fairly got the ^Zf/^/r0^<yo,
In manner as we mean to fhow*
C 2 -^TVtx^
i
28 R O D O N D O, OR
There was a Drury*buadred walker,
A rioter and common talker,
Immers'd in ev'ry:kind of knavery,
Who caird all rule a.nd order flavery :
WouM damn the watch, and kick their a^-es.
Set fire to houfes^ and pick purfes.
If hunger pinch'd, wou'd write a libel
Again ft htr fovereign $ or bible ;
With her it was a darling theme,
'To utter fcandal ; — or blafpheme i
And^ like Drawcanfir rough and curft,
All this fhe did, becaufe (he durft*
This hag, of Liberty the ape,
UfurpM her drefs, her air,.}ier (hape.
Her name ; but none of her conditioas :
Yet co^Tee-drinking politicians
DifclaimM the true, believing (he
Alone was genuine Liberty.
Old Fadion had, when poor, efpous'd her;
But growing greatj in Bridewell houf'd her :
(He never mifTes thus to treat
Whoever helps to make him great.)
There whipp*d and pickl'd (he remained.
While he tyrannically reign'd :
But when from .power the tyrant fell.
She made elopemedt from her cell,
And^ by misfortune nothing taught,
His company again (he fought.
In
The state JUGGLERS* 29
In courfe of which (he (bon divm*d^
What he 'gaiofl Liberty defigo'd.
And archly put herfelf on fpoufe^
For her he plotted to abufe :
And thus in Uivful recivation.
Licence engender*d Rcfignation,
Who foon gave proof of rifing merit.
Of father's //?r//, and mother's y^/r/V ;
Her nurlc, an idol of the mob,
Improv'd her talents for a Job :
With corporation knowledge fraught her ;
To canhajs^ brihCf and garble taught her ;
To ptitl, and trlnty ^nd fawn, and bui/y ;
And try to make the k— a cully*
This (he cou'd do^ while but a chitt :
But| growing up to years and wit^
She learnt the art unknown before.
Of wafhing white, — the W'ack-a- moor !
What patefmen was^ it, can you tell.
Who liv'd fo ill, yet ate fo nue^ll i
Whofc ffeeches, politics, and feaftsf
Became tlie nation's (landing jefts ;
Who never did, tho' always doing ;
Who vjent, but thought not whither going ;
Who dill puTfu'd he knew not what :
Whofe parts jufl furni(h*d levee chat ?
Who fpent his money and the natioft^s,
In making members, ^nd-^caJlatlons P
C 3 ^\vi5
30 . R O D O N D O^ or
Who wou'd forfake a lord o'the land^
To take his butcher by the hand ;
And, pradlis'd in the z,xts ot plcafing,
Difcharg'd hisjtradefmen's bills hy fqueizing ?
To whom, as own'd by the North-Briton*,
Our m — chs owe the t — € they (it on ?
A truth which Europe mu(l confefs ;
Since *tis impodible that lefs
Cou'd ever tempt a k— g to fuffcr
This huhble-hubhle candle -fnuffer*
On him (he had a mind to (how.
How far abfterfive art wou'd go ; •
And thus the noble d — ke accofted.
With years and dsrtj work exhaufted,
' My lord, I (hou'd be mod ungrateful,
(A crime to noble natures hateful),
If, when conjedures run fo nice,
I fail'd to offer my advice :
You know my talent, and in (hort
Have often been the better for*t.
My lord, you dfivel, tho' in truth
You have but driveled from your youth :
Yet that is not the worft ; y our' fatns
Is blafled with an i^glier name.
• The admirers of this intrepid afpirer to the pillory,
will not fail to- recolledt an a^ertioo, which clofes one of
hislateft eifufions; bnt which we do not think it. very fafe
%o repeat in profe, not being elnulous of that honour.
They
The state JUGGLERS. ' 31
They fay— (your I— d — p muft excufe "
The terms I am oblig'd to ufe.)
They fay your g— cc is like a muU,
Ambigenous* of knave and fool :
In whom the natures fo are blended.
That one by t'other's ne'er tranfcended.
Yet from thefe perfedl counterpoizes.
This benefit to you arifes ;
That when we fret zt knav/Jh half,
The other turns it to a — /augh ;
And no man heartily det^fts
The argument of all mtn\ jejls :
Which I prefume, may be the cau(e
Of your efcaping penal laws.
This, while it lafls, is mighty clever ;
But folly cannot pleafe for ever.
When you are laid in grave, and rott^]|yi
Your merry parts will be forgotten.
And thofe which fome the ivifer think.
To all pofterity muft ftinL ^
Now wou'd you this difgrace efchew ?— ^
You wou*d. — Why then Til tell you how. —
Refign your places. What, you ftart ! —
Nay keep *cm ftill. — With all my heart«
• The author offers compliment to the criticsi and makes.,
t^em a prefent ©f this word, with >fuU power to ufe ir» or
abufe it at their pleafure.
* Do^
32 R O D O N D O, OR
Do, croak and hobble^ cringe and flatter,
A year or two is no great matter ;
And therefore it (hou'd be empIoy*d,
To get thtf mob upon your fide.
Yott'vc liv'd enough for towfis and counties.
They all have taded of your bounties. —
Now, having but an hour to fpare,
Bedow it on your chapaSfer,
I have an^ excel lent cofmetic,
ThtfovWeign white wajh ball politic j
Of which a fingle application.
Will fcour the fitileft refutation.
Cold- cream, pig'Water, g/oves of chick, „
For maids whofe fldn is coarie and thick,
Are poor to fuds of oppofition,
At clear.darchiag a politician.
This lather (for it is no paint)
Can turn a Devil to a faint :
If you its efficacy doubt,
You_need but caft your eyes about,
Obferve its virtue on the brothers,
T— pie and P— tt ; and many others,
Whofe names for good were never known,
But now. the idols of the town
And country too. Then for the coft >•
'Tis but a trifle. Quit your po ft,
Refign, I think *tis very plain.
You ne'er will be employed again j
^ F
H.
The state jugglers, 33
^ For that wou'd^fpoil the whole affair,
* And bring us juft to where we were."
She fpoke ; he yielded to conviAioti,
And found the truth of her prediAioa.
But what is moft to. be admirW,
Without a fenfion he retired!
Which fome attribute to a qualntp
Arifing from a fpeck i'the palm*
That ever yawning Gulph of Cafii,
Which baffled Reiignation's waCh.
Tho' flyer poUttcsMns hint.
He had another motive in't.
To throw zflurhy mplicatson
Upon Rodondo's reputation^.
But leaving thaty a point to fettle.
By heads than ours of weightier metai^
The mufe returns with fpeed aerial.
To our Buck-wafher minifleriaU
Soon as the tidings flew abroad.
How he, once hloated like a toad.
So dapper and fo fair was grown.
And Ilender as a L-*ttU<»t*-n $
• The contraft of thefe great perfonages is in nothing
more remarkable than in their ftyle ot'retiringj they feem
boih to have made their exit in a ftate of repentance. The
one repented he had taken too much, and the other that h&
had taken too little, ejich made the belt atonement in his
power.
■ The
-i
34 R O p O N« Q, OR
The pack of courtiers were in motion.
And ran in crowds to buy the /othn ;
The verieft whiffiers now grew touchy •
Yvomfark, from hed- chamber , and duchy.
They flew ; as Afh — nh— m and D-p!-n,
And R-k-gh-n?^ names hard to couple ia.
Metre ; cou*d nature e'er propofe
Such founds for any thing but profe ?
£ut bards are bound to fhuB non nomer^
By law and precedent from Homer ;
And therefore we our Jkill mud try.
On their inflexibility :
Tho' when the mufe a name beflows.
She pays fuch people all (he owes.
Yet one remains ; almofl as fit
A theme for poetry as P^— tt !
A kite it is of regjon higher
The mighty d — ke of D— — re !
O were my mufe a mufe of fattin F
My quill z, feacockW language UtinJ
My Pegafus, the Hippogriffbn,
Which brave Aflolpus fat fo ftiffon !
My brain, a Hmhec to dlAil
Of high Parnailus every rill !
My voice, the trump oifanie^ to blow
Both from ah^ve^ and from below i -—
Then (hould I mount I then (hould I climb
The very weather-cock of Rhime !
And
The state JUGGLER S, $5
And fing with Sacrogorgo&'t jfrr.
The mighty duke'of D— ^— re !
But iince the/e pretty things I Uckj.
I mufl e'en Iceep the beaten track.
And tell my tale without recourfe
To /attn, Jimife, trump, or hor/e»
The pmpic duke laid <lown his r§dm
The fimpU duke became a g^d f
And wifelj thought his dread cAtfamand,
Wou'd make it bud like Aaron's wand :
Or that when thrown upon the floor^
'Twou'd grow ^fsrpent to devour !
'Tis (lili a Jlick of harmlefs v)9^.
And very properly beftew'd.-*^
Thus, in a game at cards^ we fee
The knaves ftand up for Liberty*
Attempt to lead the venial pack.
And fling the M — ch on his back ;
But k — gs for knaves are ftiil toQ hard«
The k — g mud i)e the leading car dm
We left Rodondo crownM with laurels,
.Won by your B — es and Alb — rles ;
Yet deep in dcfp'rate dudgeon frttting j
My lady Ch — h — m near him^ knitting.
His head, feet, bum, recliu'd on down ;
He thus broke filcnce with a frown.
,\
• .;
« ?
' r
I
• I
I
I
• i
3« ROD O N D O, OR
' Shall / Great Britain's great apoflU,
Submit to B— ^e without a buftle f
Shall /^ like cur^ be fed with fops I
Shall paultry penfions (hut my chops ;
And (han't / dart my rhet'ric at him^
Becaufe my dame is lady Ch — h — m \
Shall / both place and power forego ?— f
Confound me, madam, if I do. — \
Curfe on the vanity of women !
*Tis that alone m^iktzflaves oijreemen !
That fingle vice betray'd old Eve,
If we the hiftory believe %
And I cou'd almoft lay a bett.
Her apple was a coronet*
I wifh you had your iawile, where
Corifca had the porringer —
The laddie Ifuppofe you mean ?
No matter^ fb it were but in.
It might for ever there remain.
E'er I (hou'd wijh it out again.
He who is guided hy his fpoufe,
Muft fhut his mouth in every houfe ;
I was before this damn'd difafter.
At leaft in that of C— s mdfter :
* The conje<5^ures of the learneJ a« to the particulaf*
fpecies of this unlucky fruit have been fo various, that I
fee no reafon wh^ our hero may not be indulged in bis*
iluis enim vetatur in re tarn anti^ua hariolari,
< But
The state JUGGLERS. 37
* But now forfoolh,, I muft be dumb^
* As well ih/enate, as at botne.
' And mutely mourn the lok of mj
* Dumfoundtficuhility.
'' Hold (iays my Af^), not fo hot I—
Referve thofe bard names lor tbe Scot :
But treat your wif(^ with moire civility^
And none of your c^nf^undr ability -I**
Gofwagger fome where elfe; for here
You muft not ^ink to domineer.
What ! Shall your wordsof half an ell.
Which rumble Hke a witcbe< fpell.
However jo the ht^ufe they take,
E'er make ray iWy. Ch — h— m quake ?
Lord !' What, are all their heads made of.
To mind your rnmbjtmbel/ew ftuff ?-—
With me, it paiFeiJaft^far wind.
Which might have if^^ed ^rom bchitid^
You are, my dearcft^ one of thofe.
Who take thtir pepsr in tho.«jo// .•
Hence eruClaihns, fiatuhnsits,
And all the pecvi(h, wayward fancies,
Which are in (ickly ftomachs bre^.
And s^ry apt tb^urt the h^ad^
t I ho(ie tHe candid, and indalgent reader M^ill excufe a
laud's mirap|||*e hen lion oi iliis word.
38 R O D O N D O, OR
From fuch no medicine relieves^
So/quickly as Cdrminathes,
Eat c arrow ay i and cardamum^
To fafs your humaurs by the hum :
And fo may all your humours pafs-^
Now give me leavt to ftate the cafe.-—
You rail at mother Eve and me^
And prate of woman's vanity :
But| was it vanity of mine^
That forc'd your worfhip to refigtt ?
No, no, my dear, 'twas your own pride^
Becaufe alone you cou*d not guide,
That made you, like a (Illy novice,
Throw up a profitable office.r-
But when the greater game \% gone.
Who overlooks the after one P
When you went out, 'twas furcly bcft.
To think of feathering the neft»
I know your eloquence is great ;
But can we dine on a debate P
Or have you ever Uarnt the fkill.
With words to pay the butcher's bill \
Will any of your wife prefages
Pay children's board, or fervants wages?
You know, I fcorn my heart to fix
On lolling in a coach and fix.
Four went at once ; you advertised them,
^ Did I complain f No, 1 deCpU'd them* —
The STATdE JUGGLERS, 39
And jet a'iingle fasr looks odd,
CoDdJeriDg what the k — g beftow'd ;
For you the pen/ion ftill forget,
Jn railing at the coronet.
I am-a P-^fs, very true;
But who er.joys the p^nfion f You
Be wife, and peaceably eojoy it.
Nor try again to breed a riot.
R€fle«5l that you are growing old.
Gouty, and fubjedt to catch cold ;
Yoqr juggling alfo Is fufpe^ked.
And may be puhliely dcte^cd :
For who wou'd wiih a merrier fight.
Than of a fiannel- bolfter*d wight.
On pxteen porters fhoulders borne.
While round him cinder-wenches mourn i
He cried, Vi/ too much, mj fr tends,
For me ! How Jhall I make amends P
Of that , indeed, hii friends take care, -
£acA hds two guineas for his fare*
The devil give them good, I fay,
Whofe money is beftow'd that way.
No powder in his wig ; his face
\
Screw'd to a tragedy grimace ;
And while be, my country ! cries.
Claps me an onion to his eyes :
Or i£ he genuinely grieves,
It IS becdufe his country thrives. -
4p R O D O N 13 O, OR
In other band^^ and put on diet,
To heal the wounds of war and riot :
The very door-keepers it touches.
To fee him tottering on crutches^
in them a, double virtue lies ; <
They raifc C0mpaffioft,—jiiid a »oi/c.
He 'takes his feat with (uch fracas.
That every heart h ijruck with aw^ >
As greateft patriot, paffing doiibt>
Is he who makes the greateft r»»/.
The groundlings cry, a/as J poor man I
How til he is I Hem pale / How wan /
Tef fuch hii hve of vs and st*itb.
He'd rather run the rifjue rf Hfe^
Than leave /i^ bleeding lawd a frej
To B— .TE, Peace^ mnd obconomt !
He fighs and groans while others fpeak^
As^ if his -very heart wou*d break ;
At length he tries to rife j a huvi
Of Approbation fills the room.
He bows, and tries again ; but, no^
He find^ chat Jianding will not do ;
And therefore to complete the farce.
The h — e cries, hear him on his a^fe /—
He bows again, and then com^mences.
To broach his ill-^rawn inferences s
Talks incohereutly of peace,
And inadmiftbilities.^^
Mak«{
The state JUGGLliRS. 41
* Makes ufe of none h\xt poiyfyllahleSf
^ Which he in fpeaking deems tnfallibles ;
* For, as the Ungefi fcimitar,
* Still gets the vi^ory in war ;
* Ittfolitlcs the fame is feen^
* The longefl words are fure to win*
' They pick for dtfp'rate enterprize,
^ Both men |nd terms of portly (ize %
'And fure his prowefs moft appears
'In both^ who has moft grenadiers. .
* What tho* in forming they are found,
' To take up too much time and ground ;
' Yet as our great commander makes
' Advantage of his own miflakess
* So fl<ilful Orator may draw
' I-mportant fervice from a flaw.
* He may break off, by grief d'er come j
' And grow pathetically dumb !
'^ As if he thus the houfe addrefs*d^
' Alas ! I cannot /peak the reft /—
' This raifes pityy makes a paufe.
r
^ And gives an op ntng for applaufe :
' He next m^iy fwoon and (hut his eyes ;
' A cordial I elf e the patriot dies ! —
' The cordiil comes, he takes it off,
' He lives, he lives I I hear him cough /
* Now he- recovers; and, with meeknefs,
* Apologizes for his wcaknefs,
D 3 ^ »*
41 R O D O N DO, aji
He h nbt updt^^ be thui mw^d i
But far his countfy i fo be lov'i> !
His BLEEDING COUNTRY ! wi« C4$n. hsaty
To think of ending ffteb 4S war P
Thm paufe^ fwoon, cordia/y all comkaxitf
To rorrward pati^iot*s drfigtt.
As for the dram, even Garrkk bucks
A glafs of brandy between a£t$ ;
An4 all comedians e&toll
The frequent ufe of aJcahoL
But whcrefbre (hou'd I quot a placer ?
The mighty B - d our l-^d g > r^
Of dcareft life^ the deareft chutm,
Is ne'er without a flaik of rum ;
If you fhou'd ever be in trtm i
Of patriot ; apply to hioy;
Tho' fain I!d' hope that you'll, grow wife,
And flay at home as I advife.
Nor fret yoUr guts to fiddle- (bingt,
With leading mobs, and vexing k— gs^
Meerly to be adniir'd by fellowa
With greazy aprons in aUi alehoule ;
While all the'wi/e^ and the ieft,
Make of your tnummery a jeft/*
Thus fpoke my lady againft fpetchcs ;
And one wou'd think fhe wore tbe breeches,
£ire
The state JUGGLERS. 43
Elfe (he had nertr dar'd to prate
So freely of a^irs of (late.
But ttfaf from fequel Wje deny,
Becaufe he dcigu^d her no rffffy s
But foon as e'er the farufM ftopp'd,
Got up, and Co the bell-ftriiig hopp'd .•
Rang footman up.——-'* Your honour call ?**
€< Yes.— Send John here,— and faddle Ball."
John enters, *' John get ready, go-
Fetch me — the mortgage upott St— we/*
' The mortgage, Sir P An*t pleaf^ j^ur honour,
J know of none upon the manor /"— -
* Confound the ra(cal*s^W^r;9d/.'—-
I mean, — my ^rc/W,— Tididol,—
A thick fkuU'd varlet not to fee
My beautiful Metonymy* ! —
i find I mud this clodpate teach.
To undcrftand my grace pf fpeech ;
That all iht clever things I fay,
On him rtiay not be thrown away.
John,y27^tfj tliink that mafters (hou*d
Be by i)^tlT fervants underflood ;
And truly they are often fo.
Among the vulgar and the low,
* Some may be puz^sleA to difcovcr how the catachreftical
pariphrafe comes to be called a Metonymy— we refer ihcm
to the critics.
< Who
i
44
R O D O N D O, OR
Who are in fpecch no farther taught^
Than bluntly to ex pre fs a thought :
But men of my fuperior fenfe.
Don't call fuch prattle eloquence,-^
We have authority divine^
Not to beftow our pearls on fwine ;
And this the richeft pearl of heaven.
To men is very rarely given ;
Since^ fo far as ntjL knowledge reaches.
Of orators, debates^ zudfpeeches ;
But three have e'er enjoy'd it fully y
MyfelJ, Dcmofthcnes, and Tully.
John, That Dertiefthenes cou'd /peak /
So learn'^ !— he always gabbled Greek !-^
And fo cou'd I upon occafion.
If talking Gre^k were now the fafhion.
Your Tully all in Latin fpoke s
■
But then he wou'd fo pun and joke / ,
And yet 1 doubt thcfe Greeks and Romans
Wou'd not be heard in houfe of ^— /// ;
Becaufe where / am fo applauded.
Such fellows muft be little lauded.
But to return from this digreflion,
Leaving pt ofejfors for profejpon ;
'Tis eloquence, which, with a fmall caft
Oi logic, m the way of ballaft,
Compofes rhetoric ; — a fcience.
At which / bid the devil defiance !
With
The state JUGGLERS 45
With thh, and lufty p.air of iel/ovfSp
I maul your mi niflersei fellows s
Can turn the nation upfid€ down.
And at my fUafure (hake the / — ne /
For th\s I'm conrted^-^o/// or in ^•—
•And lofe who lifts I'm fare Co w/«.
With thUf I (hnw to dt7»onftrsihfi, - »
That deits and taxa^fave the sation j
That when we fpfend the monty fa fi,
It muft of eourfe the longer laft ;
That fpilling oceans of our bh$d^
Muft do the co»flUuthn good !«—
With fA/V, I prove Marafmis, health I
War^ poverty, gLndfamhe, weahh f—
Nay, John, ne*er ftare, and (hake your pate^
I guefs what you wou'd intimate, ■
You think, while I its powers imparr^
I ufe Si figure of my artP ,
'Tis true, to prove what he alledgct,
The art no orator obliges ;
'Yea more, the knack of fibbing well.
In rhetoric has no parallel ;
And if that privilege yoa lop.
We orators might (hat up ftiop*
But John^ .. I here muft ufe a term
Of art, which often doea nie harm*
Diftinguljh orat6r declaiming.
From him, when to i»firu^ yo\i aiming :
46
R O D O N D O, OR
«
And in this recapitulation
Lmeant injlruifion i not pcrfuafion ;
But when I fet me to perfuade^
1 can do every thing I faid ! — *
Ay and much morq. — You aflc me bow ?
For that a firnile ^ill do.
And a.propos, to fear Is ^n^fwine^
I hear a curfcd porker whine.
Look out.*' *' // ii the gardener* s dog,
llugging the ears of* th* brindled ^ogJ*
^ Right ; Now come in^ and (hut the cafement^
Draw near, and learn to your aoiazemeutj
That my ail powerful eloquence^
Can bring a fimile from thence I—
That dogf tho* but a gard'ncr's cur^
Suppofe for once an orator s —
That hogf at ear of which dog hangs^— —
An audience lift'ning to harangues. —
But here our fimile muft halt, ^
Of fimile*8 the conflant fault :
To make it gallop on all four,
The hog (hou'd h^ang upon the.^«r.
As all our poets in their fong?.
Make fenates hang on fpeakers tongues.
Let others look to that g while we
[ ' Take as we find it, frnile.
Firft, dog runs hard, at hog to come,
^ lyhlch artidscsill exordium, — -^
The state JUGGLERS. 47
' Perceiving this, if hog is wife,
* He from the dunghill flarts, — and flle«,
^ Bawls out before the (fbg comes near him
* Which reprefents the hear h'm / htar him /-^
' While hog in. flight precipitate^
' Prefignrei minifter offtaUp
* Whofe condant courfe it is to fly
' For flielter to majority /—
* Now nimbler dog on hog gains ground.—-
' Hog doubles to efcape from hound;
' From which, — moft palpably appear
' The fhuffling tricks of ininiftcr I—
' Dog over-runs, and mifles prey,
' Tumbles and howls; from which you may
' Have an idea with preciHon,
* Of a /»/«ori(y divifion !— —
* Wing'd with fre(h fpirits hog flies faflcr,
^Triumphing in poor dogs difafter.
* He triumjphs; and he flies in vain,
' For dog is at his heels again 1
' And now within his ba^ufh he (iretches^
' And now at waggling ear he fnatches^ ;
' Which feiz'^at length,-— down tumbles//^,
' Thus ends political intrigue !—-
' And thus from hog and ^0^ appears
' The power of orators on ears*
' And heqce perhaps the proverb might grow,
' Of haviij^ by the car the right fow*
^>\t>
/ «
48* R. O D O N D O, © R
But^ John^ I hope you have ta'en Dotke,
Of ^hat in iimile a blpt is $
That the' the audience was tntended^
Yet with tli« minifter it ended ? ■
Now haw that is, stud tvhy 'tis ^o,
I in few words proceed to fhow.
Attend, dear John ! there is a quality,
Denominate eriticality, ■ ■■'■
A kind of captious, fnarliag vice.
Which proves men not fo wife as nice.
You have obfcrv*d within a roof.
An eager fpider ply his. woof ;
And lurk perdue within the loom, '
Nor think of all deftraying Braom ;
Whet for the caitiff fly his pounches ?-^
But if 'gainft web a harnct bounchcs.
Headlong to earth the fpider falls,
While horaet marks not as he crawls 1 —
Carelefs he wheels in airy rings.
And fnakes the cobwebs from his wings.
-Your literary whippsr-in^
To this fame fpider is a kin ;
'for puny iofcdls he in wait lies, •J
But dares not meddle with the grtat fiiss.
And /the monarch of the hire.
Standing on my prerogative,
Scorn tafte, corre^tnefs, and propriety j
For novelty'and great variety.
' Thu
The state JUGGLERS. 47
Thus have I given fuifident reafon
To anfwer for a wotfe mifpriSoii,
And yet perhaps^ upon the matter,
I have another, and a bettet ;
Which take in (hort. The nation knowi
My maxim ever w«i/, oppo/e !
And be the minifter wl^Avill,
My maxiw // — oppofe htm ftttl ;
For tho' to Britain neccflify,
'Tis good for me that /t// mifcarry :
Excepting one, I need not name him \
Envy herfelf virould blufli to Hame him.
I do my beft for all the£ock^
To bring them fairly to the block.
And yet I'mnot like LiLburne* ; he
Even with himfe If com* d not agree :
But I^ howe'er I hat^ the red.
Am in wf^/fiy completely btcft.
Now this td^mt hate with which I burn.
Lugs me them in at every, turn ;
And be the fubjedl that, or His/
The m r ne'er comes amif»» -3?.^^::;
■ "^- '■'■*: '^
* This IS John Lilburne, of whom it was fai^^p'^^hat haS
he been alone in the world, LUbiirne would harfe-gpnc to
cuffs with John, and John with Lilburne-— by one degree
a greater patriot thau our hero.
' E ' Cato
so R O D O N DO, OR
Cato his fpeeches ftill wou'd end *
With ^L— Carthago efl delend * /*
But I both finijh and begin
With railing at the party i>«
Tho' this is wide of my intention ;
And this I only flight ly mention^
That you may judge when merit lies ia
Ad orator epifodizing.—
Now feeing eloquence produces
Such weighty and important ufes^
'Tis proper you fhou'd be advis'd.
In what the fcience is comprised ;
Why jud in this, in giving up
Plain fenfe and meaning for a trope. —
Then there's another, calTd z figure,- —
But, which the lefs, or which the bigger,
Muft even on the table lie.
Till I confult with Farnaby !
Next follow metaphor and fitnile.
And after thefe b, num'rous family.
Made up of others of the fame ^
Which I can better ufe than name ;
As only bafe mechanic foul?.
Can tell the names of all their tools.^
• This Apocope comes luckily enough to our hero's relief^
otherwife it is hard to fay what termiiiation he might have
bedewed ob the word*
* Your
The state JUGGLERS. 51
Your metaphor^ as ancients held it^
Is but a fimlle dock'd and gelded ;
And fo your fimile's of couxfc.
Arc ungelt, long-taiPd metaphors /—
I nam'd another — what was he ? —
At firft ?— pfliaw !--0— Metonymy !
He is — but better an example:
■You know I call'd my brother T Ic.
(Pray keep the phrafe la your remembrance;}
Od St-^we a mortgage ; or incumbrance.
Now, John, by this I underftand,
A man whofe merit lies in — land^
In gardens, and a princely feat.
In front, God knows how many feet I
Himfelf^ like what we fometimes fee,
A loufe upon embroidery \
And truly, John, the time afiTords
Enow, both commoners and lords.
With whom the figure well may fuit,
! that it would apply to B — te !
When we a noble villa fpy.
It raifes curiofity.
To know the owner's name. — Alas !
The lordly owner proves an — afs ! —
Now, for my brother. John, fuppofe" —
John clapt his his finger on his nofc.
1 under [i and your honour now 5
77/ iring the mortgage upon St — we I"
E 2 '^^'^
52 R O D O N D O, OR
But here we mean to halt, and (lay
While John perform his Embaffy :
A long career wou'd break our wind.
Now reader breathe^ and lodk behind.
We ufe an author's privilege,
To lead you over ditch and hedge,
O'er hill and dale, with fancy flrolllng ;
And fometimes dull, and fometimes drolling«
But if our laughing vein .offend
Any, to fuch we recommenxl
The fqualid prophecy ofjamne.
And much goad may it do :€m«-*-AMSITf
Ekp ^ Canto lU
RODONDO ;
R O D O N D 05
O R T H E
STATE JUGGLERS.
^. .*. ■>- ♦ »- • • • .♦- .♦- ■#. •, f f iti f A iti * * • -♦- * -*- ^ • * ♦- * -*- •- *^ ■^- ^ • • ♦-
CANTO III.
SIX times the fun his car hath driv*n
Thro' all the turnpike-roads of heav'n^
And' now the feventh he's jogging on.
Since we to Cobham-hall fent John.
A plaguy while the rafcal (lays ;
But fuch are fervants,— now-a days,
*Tis pity that a tipling fot
Shou'd mar fo exquiiite a plot ;
.Or minifterial money undo
The patriot purpofe of Rodondo.
But whether 'twas a bribe or beer, ,
That tempted John; is not fo clear.
E 3 To
t
1
4 R O D O N D O, on |
1*0 us, let it fufEce that ha *
^ever pcrform'd his embaiTy ;
'reventing thus a confultation,
)f great importance to the nation.
'or had Rodondo laid his foil *
i
ro vacant nob of Tididol, 1
!'he necelFary confequence,
lad been much found, and little fenfe.
^o nofirum for diftemper'd ftates,
Jke contadl of two empty pates*
>
lo, if you take them in dry weather^
LDd rub two rotten fticks together,
['ou'li raife a flame in half a minute,
rhough neither ftipk has fpark fire in it :
Lnd patriotic noddles Hiou'd
lefemble flicks of rotten wood.
Vhen Cngle^ deftitute of wit ^
lut two, together rubbM> emit^
\y procefs, which we call attrition^
rhe flames of popular fcdition..
Mean time the gout, with B*— e ia league^
till carried on the old intrigue,
lis toe forfaking, by degrees,
lade war upon Rodondo's knees ;
Lnd inarching upwards very faft.
^aid iiege to reafon's feat at lad.
The
The state JUGGLERS. SS
The fortrcfs was but ill provided ;
For there Dame Reaft)!! ue'er refided. — •
-—She had appointed long before
Dumfoundibus the governor ;
Who for a while the place defended^
Till all his long words were e^pended^
Or rendered of no further ufe,
^nd then hung out a flag of truce ;
Which brought about; in a few hours^
Between the belligerent powers,
A treaty firmly guaranteed ;
The articles who will may read.
Imprimis, we Dumfoundibus,
For our conftituent, and us,
Without condition, ftipulate.
Surrender of Rodondo's pate ;
With all its limits and boundarids^^
As to be fix'd by commiiTaries ;
Which premifes, both in and out.
Are hereby ceded to the Gout*
Who, on his part, confents to take it,
Juft as 'twas left by wi(dom,^naked I
But for the warlike ftores and treafure,
Tho* worn and wafted, in fome. meafure.
Among all parties 'tis decided.
That they as follows be divided.
56 R O D O N D O, OR
Item, A talent of J edition
Much worn^ yet dill in fome condition.
An ample volume of abufe^
Though pretty often thumb'd/ of ufe.
A magazine of fa<5lioiis lies^
The heft political fupplies,
"Which oft* employed, dete<5led too.
Are every whit as good as new. "*
The art of keeping a good table.
By taking in the thoughtlefs rabble ;
Of diving into idiots purfes.
Of changing affes into horfes,
And driving them about the ftrcets.
With twenty other clever feats ;
All for the ufe of patriot.
To Cacafogo we allot*
Item, A pair of bellows, mended
With native calf, yet broken winded.
Which from both ends alike can blow.
On Teague Oregan we beftow ;
With this provifo, that he lend.
To friend Rumbumbo, either end.
Whene'er his lordfli^p has a mind.
To fave for ufe his own trade-wind«
Rodondo's coining tools befide.
Between them fairly we divide*
Wit]
The state JUGGLERS* 37
With every patchy and (hred, zud hlnt^
Of verbage that may be i' th* miat^
To tagg, atid to employ at will^
As God and nature gave them fkilU
If em, For Malagrida's back^
A fuit of hypocricic blacky
With a large wardrobe too of canting ;
Not that to him they now are wanting^
But that in time he'll need 'em^ we
Do very palpably foreiae.
And, laji/j, in behalf of Pyrrhus,
His buUy back^ (Irong motives ftir lus i
And, therefore, to him we award
A complete fyftem of Mackguard-
-ing with choice flow'rs from Billingsgate^
The beft piece in Rodondo's pa-te.
Thus from one patriot*s ftock, We hope^
No lefs than five may ie't up Ihop.
So coin an ounce of hrsL&, and )h>u
Will fee five farthings rife to view.
This done, the governor marched out^
And left his garrifon to th' Gout*
Who, that he might maintain the poft;^
Bedow'd on it fom^ little coft.
And
58 RODONDO, OR
And firft o£ all, he girt it round
Of flannel with a treble mound-;
Repair'd a horn- work much decayed.
Of old by L - E made; »
The entrance guarded with a bray^
A new ftockade thfe covert way ;
With half a dozen yar^s of frize.
Extending downward the glacis*
^ And thus Rodondo's head pofTcfl:
We leave him to eternal reft ;
To fpeak of the qu'tnquemvirate,
That got bis perfoaal eflate.
Remember, laughter-loving maid.
In Sacro Gorgon's cavalcade.
You promised, that'^anoth^r time
Shou'd furnifh gin, and furui(h rhim« ;
The gin of Jofeph's genuine hogob,
YoT grain- dcfc ended Cacafogo*
That time is come, aud I, the bard^
Expedl you will not bieak your word*
But pafs his birth and parentage,
Th* atchievements of his tender age ;
His youthful frolics^ and the art
He us'd to win a lady's heart.
And fpirit her to matrimony.
For that which makes all matches, moneys
How
-^
The -STATE JUGGLERS. 59
How land and beeves thus archly got^
Soon by his viccsu went to pot ;
How^ afterwards^ fupplies to raife^
He took to ftudy meam and ways ;
How he, of orphans the proifdar^
Became an hofpital diredor^
And to his own ufe twrn'd the pelf,
Becaufe he was the poor'fl himfelf ;
How, brought in humour by this feat.
He got in parlfement a feat, '■
That haply he might find occafion.
To touch the mo^iey of the nation :
Pafs all the fhuffling tricks he try'd.
To get upon the winning fide ; \
The offers which to B — e he made,
'Ere he took up the patriot trade ; •
For anger, fo the bard rehearfes.
In fpite of nature can make verfes ;
And alfo make a change i'ih' tone
Of minifterial hanger^on^
O difappoiatment ! but for thee.
What were this land of liberty ?
Were't not for thee, on Engliih ground.
No trace of patriot could be found.
Thou com*fl, indeed, with rueful face.
To fruitlefs hunters after place.
Blading their hopes ; but in exchange,
Prefenting profpedls of revenge.
6o R O D O N D O, or
Juft fo.an egg, when over dreft.
Becomes coDfounded hard to digeft ;
And in the place of wholefoaie chjis^
Produces copious floods oi bile ;
And as a bugg, in quell of prey^
From tefter takes his mighty way,
Or Tallies from a chink of wood^
Lur'd by the grateful fmell of blood.
And with a lion's boldnefs creeps.
Upon the caihff as he fleeps ;
But if you baulk him of his mea).
Your nofe will his refentment feel.
Infpir'd by fuch anptber flame^
John Wilkes a patriot became.
But having this great truth in view.
That one bugg (links much lefs than two.
With Sacro Gorgon he united.
So clofe^ yon would have thought thedi fpitted
Together ; as is often feea,
A fat rabbit, with one that's lean.
But I once more the mufe requeft.
To let fuch paultry matters reft j
To fet afide his vcrfe and profe, "
His ptimpingSy blanketings ^ and bl^ivs ; ,
His march with T 1 to the common ;
His fecond efTay upon woman.
Which
The state JUGGLERS. 6i
Which was not quite fo fortunate,
A% that hy which he woa his mate ;
How to reward him. Greybeard law
Had fain upon him laid his paw ;
But leading the old Put a dance.
He fairly fcamper'd o'er to France,
To learn the principles of freedom,
Becaufe his countrymen might need 'eoi j
Id profecution of which fcheme.
He (hall be for a while our theme.
But in a fubjeifl grave as this,
Thalia, take it not amifs.
That we invoke, to lend thee aid.
Great Sacro Gorgon's tuneful (hade ;
For we have feen, on Gallic plains.
Where Liberty triumphant reigns,
A fwain contented drive the plow.
His helpmate yokM in't with a fow !
Who by their harmony proved tkis
Truth, Fortior cfl unit a vis ;
And, mufe, you cannot fail to jog
On better, yok'd with th* ghoft of hog,
O thou whofe brawny hulk while here,
Serv'd to keep up the price of beer ;
Whofe fertile genius cou'd produce
Bumfodder for the nation's ufe ;
• F . Whofe
I
62 R O D O N D O, OR
Whole wit^ like fmall beer on a dray,
OozM muddy thro' the mafs of clay s
Whom Bacchus^ for his flighted rite,
Provok'd to the unequal fight.
And by thy fatal overthrow^
Yielded a pudding to the crow !
Whether^ the Antiphrafis loft.
You ftili enjoy the name of ghoft.
And with the once-lov'd Cock lane yj>V/V,
You wander in the (hades of night ;
Whether in famine's cave you dwell.
Or in the vault of Clerkenwell ;
Whether Lethean flreams infpire
The drain, as heretofore, entire^
Or rather you inhale the mud '
Of the* thrice three-thread Stygian flood!
Whether Cocytus black ft rap ftum, ,
Or Phlegeton affords you rum.
As hot as B— kf-*-d e'er fupply'd.
In freedom's caufe before you dy'd ;
If in the hogftye where you wallow.
Diverted of your earthly tallow.
Still anxious for our fate, the pray'r
Of mortal hard can reach your ear ;
That waggling ear, which in yojur life
Efcap'd fo pft Jack Ketch's knife ;
* Novies Stjx circutnfufa c^erect. Virc.
That
Thi: state jugglers. 6|
That ear^ agaiaft all chances ^av'dj
When oft the pillory it brav'd.
Attending like a conftant mate^
Even to the grave its parent pate.
Aflift Thalia !— The* 'tis true.
She never yet afllfled you ;
But (hew that parfons are forgiving
When no more t'the land o'the living,
And^ as it is in fcripture read^
Heap coals of fire upon her head.
In that old town, where Butler teaches
Our good king Harry loft his breeches,
( VVhich breeches, reader, tho* threadbare.
Sir Hudibras was proud to wear.)
Met Churchill, Wilkes, and Humphry C— *teS|
Thfee firft-rate Eaglifli patriots ;
All thre* infpir'd with equal zeal.
To drink about for England's weal ;
To make a trial, whether ale
Or wine,^ould beft infpire to rail %
Whether, in claret there might be
Some falve for wounded Liberty ;
Since porter had efTay'd in vain,
Tho' oft apply'd, to eafe her pain«
Much they bewaiPd their country's lot;
And drank damnation to the Scot :
F 2 But
64 R O D O N D O, ax
But having drank it o*#r and o*er.
They were no wifer than before.
7
-Quoth Humphry, after rueful paufe,
'* Here goes : ConfuHon to all laws I
Curfe them, they forc^ a man to pay
His debts ; or d — -n me, run away I"
Quoth Sacro Gorgon, '* That's a trimmer j
I'll pledge you, Humphry, in a brimmer ;
For whether human or divine.
By G-d they are no friends of min«/'
W — kes, dreadful fquinting all the while^
Grinn'd horrible, a ghaftly fmile ;
^od Rretching wide his lantern jaw,
<* You, d-^n your bodies ! talk of law ?
^ Whai ! think ye your efcapes from iums,
* Your beating bawds, and bilking ft rums ?
"* Thick ye your poxes and bepoidngs,
' Your ale-houfe riotings aqd boxings ;
' Your hQiids,.Dot feldom broke, 'tis true i
^ Your d a y> light 8 painted black and bloe ;
^ Taur talent, parfon, for abufe;
* And, H — ph — yy youn at turnipe- juice ;
f Can raife you to the rank, which I
* As freedom's champion enjoy !—
^ No ! though a pair of willing tits
'As ever liv'd,- — by lake of wits;
' Yet there's a diff'rence, all mud think,
^ Between the fettlings and the drink \
' And
The state jugglers. ^
' And to the world it muft appear
' That ye*re the fettlin^s^ I the beer.
' Or^ by a figiire more a kio^
' Be you the ieer, and I the gin g
* Becaufe^ of metaphors^ the neareft
^ To nature^ ever are the cleareft.''
Quoth H — ph — jf belching^ and another
Things which fome folks call belching's brother*
Stroaking his paunch, and looking big,
*' Your figure is not worth a fig. —
^ Not worth what you, as 1 fuppofe,
' May fmell; if you have any nofe«
^ Your gin and beer won't do for me ;
^ I deal in foreign wine, d'ye fee ;
' And fo, to cut the matter ,(hort>
' Make me a hogfhead of good port."
Ch 11, whofe pipe fix*d in his cheek
Had hindred all the while to fpeak.
Broke filence, after a long whiff,
And faid, *' friend Numps is in a miff.
* And yet I think he might agree
' To ftand in. the fame rank with me.
* He talks of foreign wiae ; but 1
* That e'er he fold a drop deny.
* He deal in wine ! By G-d I know
^ The turnip field where his grapes grow ;
F 3 ^ K'cA
66 R O D O N D O^ tx
And, Jack, you know their' pow*r to kill.
Was drawn from your n'own daddy's (UH.
^Tis true, the boroijgh-knight of Ute
Has help'd him. ia his work of fate,
And this damn'd (luff he thinks to put
Upon us for is' good as i^//.
No, throw _your blackftrap to the dogs.
Or with it feed Sir Jofeph's hogs j
For if I had a cup of ale,
rd drink, by G-d, his rival Th— Ic,
Whofe beer, an aiitidote, defends
Againfl'the death Sir Muftiroom vends ;
That Southwark, if it were not for him,
Would be a borough like Old Sarum ;
But whetlier blackdrap, gin, or yeaft,
Amongfl us union's furely bed.
As we are all on the fame plan,
To eat and drink' the heft we can :
Let us together lay our heads.
And make a liquor oF three threads,
Which being jumbled in one barrel.
Will take off all pretext of quarrel;
And which, like yeaft or leaven, thrown
Upon the rotten parts o* th' town.
May in the courfe of time ferment
To univerfal difcontent."
Sage
The state JUGGLERS. ^7
Sage Numpa reply'd in haftc— ^' Indeed^
I think the projed will fucceed ;
And, (iinple Humphry, as I flaod,
That I agree to't, here's my band.
But for the honour of my trade.
There arc a few words to be Aiid.
You have afpers'd a calling, which
I hop'd oDe day would make me rich.
And I have (luck to it. d'ye lee,
As long as it would (lick to me.
For while I could my liquor fell,
The ftate affairs went very well s
But with my ca(h and credit fpent,
Old England's independence went;
And which grea^t bleifings to recover.
From London am I here come over:
They mud go hand in hand, by G-d,
However you may think it odd }
Becaufe where nothing's tb be got,
What man would be a patriot f
How can the (late be kept alive.
If every member does not thrive ?
How member* thrive, if you cry down
The honed callings which they own ?
1 fay 'tis honeft. Tho you fueer,
I'll match my wine with your butt beer, ' .
You call me pcifoner. Behold,
Keat as imported^, racy, old,
^w^
6Z R O D O N D O, o K,
' One bottle from my biding-place^
* Which never faw a turnip's face :
* Match it from copper, or from ftill !—
' You can't, by G-d — And if you will,
^ I'll lay a guinea. If thee dear ft
' Stand to the bctt, I fays done firft.'*
So faying he a point untiufs'd,^
His hand into his breeches thruH:,
From which (while Wilkes and Ch— h— 11 ftar*d),
A long-neck'd bottle foon appear'd.
For Numps on lome occafions chofe
To make^a cellar of his hofe;
And in them made a (hift to (low
A dozen of the heft, or fo ; '
Becaufe h6 faid it ripen'd faft.
And got fome flavour^ and fome tafle*
This method to have wine well fceiited.
He had improv'd, indeed invented.
And to fuch trunk-hofe-cellars, he
Had the fole right as patentee ;
Becaufe he prov'd their (ituation,
Made a ^reat facing to the nation ;
For in the climate where they hung,
No need of faw-duft, or horfe-duug.
But fome would treat it as a farce^
And fay, it made him hang an a—- e ;
While
The state JUGGLERS, 69
While others gravely would difcufs
A point of more importance, thus—
' A thoufand fad examples teach
The haplefs lot of Patriot's breech, -
Condemn'd by fate to undergo
The rude aiTault of every toe ;
As if, indeed, it^ only ufe
In England were to wear out (hoes 1
And that a Patriot's backCde
Contain'd a magnet for neat-hide :
From whence fome fhrewd obfervers gather
The late alarming rife of leather ^
Becaufe the patriot breed of late
Is grown more common in the (late.;
And frequent contad, it is clear,
Occadons greater tear and wear.
And if the aifive leather's worn.
Think how the faffive muft be torn I
Though, if in's breeches he crams glafk^
Ten times more pitiful his cafe ;
In daily rifque of blood's efiuGon,
And continuity's folution ;
Unlefs like Parthian, as he flies.
He means to wound the enemies t
Or, if he heathen vengeance fcorns.
By a new method cut their corns.
But it has been obferv'd of late,
^ That there are humours in the fiate^
I
^•^
7« R O D O N D O, OR
Which have feiz'd on^ and rais'd a flame
Tthe parts which no man cares to name^
Which makes the grievance fundamental^
A circumftance which we refent all^ .
The rather that it's not confin'd
To our politic parts behind \
But every one, in's natural breech^
Deplores the fympathetic itch :
And as a dog, into whofe bum
The boys have clapt origanum^
Runs belter flcelter thro' the ftreets.
Snarling at every one he meets ;
And to afluage his burning ail.
In every kennel thrufls his tail ; ^
Juft {o our prefent patriots are
Eager of getting in the chair*
'Tis to allay the burning heat
Ttheir buttocks that they feek the feat :
Becaufe it's of the clofe-ftool kind.
And keeps the chairmen cool behind.
Where they like glow-worms of male line,
Or rotten whitings, (link, and (bine*
But more of them we mean to fpeak.
Should the committee live a week ;
A thing I fear againfl: all chances ;
Such is their burden f^i grievances ^
Of irritations, fpafms, and tendons, \
Of mortal. qualms, and apprthenfi$ns,
' That
The state JUGGLERS. ji
That many wife men apprehend,
'Twill of (hem quickly make an end.
But as phyflcictns are agreed.
That piles^ before they're cur'd, ctouft bleed ;
And that, in this alarming cafe.
There's nothing like a capping- gl a ft.
So H — ph*-y to his windward fide.
The topic always kept apply'd ;
That every toe which his breech kifs'd
Might ferve for a phlebotomift :
For fo's the term deriv'd indeed,
Fhlebotamtfli from bottom fied'dj'*
But leaving all the reafons, which
Had made a binn of H — ph — y's breech.
To tell, tho' loath, we muft begin,
Th'effe^s of this unwholefome binn.
Poor Ch — Iw— 11 ! he had caufe (God knows)
To curfe th'invention of trunk-hofe :
Or rather, be the roan accurft.
Who as a cellar us'd them firfl: !
And furely H — ph— y was in fault
To turn his breeches to a vault. . *^
However, with a graceful jerk.
He from the bottle drew its cork.
Accompanying from behind
The merry gluck, with blaft of wind ;
J2 R O D O N D O, OIL
For 'twas with him a conftant trick,
To let a rowzer in the nick
Of drawing, that it might be thought.
He cork*d his hottles as he ought :
And, being always ready prim'd.
The chorus he fo juftly tim'd.
And modulated to his breech.
That none could tell which found was which.
Others infifted, that his f— t-
-ing was an ailment, not an art ;
And would illuflratefuch difcourfe,
By cafe of broken-winded horfe ;
Like whom, whenever Numps exerted
A mufcle, they'd maintain he f— ted.
And as his mod: fatiguing works.
His daily bread, was drawing corks.
The force of cuftoal might alone.
Reduce the founds to unifon.
That harmony has charms, appears.
In all who have not loft their ears ;
Hence, many men would rifque a bett.
That Humphry's are not cropt — as yet*
For had they bid his pate good b'ye.
How could his kept time f afl« I.
But he himfelf has often made
Another fyftem on th\% hsad.
And thug he ftates it : ^'^ Who would (eaa
* The wondrous microcofm call'd man,
' Woi
The state JUGGLERS. 73
Would furely find in him compriz'd.
The bill oj rights €pitomiz*d.
Suppofe pow^ for example's fake.
We call the head. Sir P'rancis B— kc ? ^
I afli you, where there could be found
A head fo heavy, or fo round I
It hA8 by all been feen ; and all
Mud needs confcfs it capital.
Now for its parts. Let us fuppofe
That fherifFSaw — e were rhe nole? .
Or — or — ? But 1 muft ftop,
Leaft I ftiould raife the price of foap. '
And as another apt; example,
Suppofe we made the brains of T ■■ le ^
The eyes, and mouths, and beards, and ears,
Prefigur'd by as many peers.
Our worthy lord m r claims the tongue.
So chafte, fo flueat, and fo flrong.
And for the gullet, parfon H — c
To be its prototype was born.
Altho' 'tis whifpcr'd, and he knows it.
That hemp or caudel foon muft clofc it ;
Yet he's no flincher from a fate,
Wfc all muft come to, foon or late.
The heart and noble parts, are beft
By Wilkes and Liberty cxprefsM.
The lungs by B— s. S-. — 1 V-^n
At playing confcience, is the man'j
74 R O D O N D 9, DR
Tho' as to playing conlbienee^ we
Have all as good a han4 as he.
We alfo for the guts may fcrve,
As none of us deCgn to ftarve|^
And the contents^ when voided^ are
Of right, Sir J — h M y's (hare.
The legs, if they deferve the name
Of legd, are feen in hopping Jem.
And I, for my part, am content.
To play the tumble fundament.
Then who can blame me if I chu(e
To- keep that ufeful part in ufe \ —
Befides, my a — fe has, with fabmiilion,
A right inherent to petition ;
And all its grievances to vent
Againft the prefent government.
That part enjoys by Magna Charta,
Exclufive privilege to — f— a.
Nor is the man a friend to's country.
Who clap« upon his breech a centry ;
And whether dry goods, or wet cargo,
Upon its exports lays embargo.
This I may fay, and fay it truly,
That when bed Un'd, 'tis moft unruly ;
And makes the greateft uproar, whea
9 It has lead reafon to complain.
But this I am too wife to blame ;
Our bill of rights men do the fame.
' For
\
The state JUGGLERS. 75
' For wind engender'd in the (late
* By fomewhere muft evaporate^**
Thus as he (pake, in a quart-mug^
Inftead of glafs, he pbUrM the drug 1
And with a patriotic leer,
Cry'd, " Pledge ye," to the brawny (cer.
The brawny feer, who fcofnM to hedge.
Soon anfwer'd, '* I accept your pleidg^ !
' Tho*,. d — n me, if I like yow drink s
'It looks, by G-d^ a« black as ink :
* Of which I have not made the heft
* Ufe, it mud fairly be confeft.
' Confound my eyes^ and limbs, and bloo^^
^ ril ne'er truft colour if 'tis godd/*
So laying, to his hea4he raited
The cann, and iu the liquof ga^'d,
And faw refLt&.td from ltd &adiB,
The ugly faces which he mader
At this fre(h infult mote pro^oli'd.
In defp'rate wrath his eye he lock*d;
And chuck'd do wd as he'd chuck d^fiug^
The whole contents of H—ph — y's mug*
Koc^left whereof to make libation*
But whether 'twere imagination ;
Or that friend H^ph— y's wine, indeed,
AYere brew'd of fome pernicious weed^
G 2 Root,
76 R O D O N D O, o E
Root, herb, or flow'r, for 'tis all one,
No fooner was the potion down,
Than dreadful civil war began
To wade the parfon's inward man.
For porter, who pofTefs^d of old.
The fole dominion of his hold.
No fooner fmpck'd the bold dcfign.
Of his old rival, nitkham'd Wine,
Than ftraight he beat to arms. Hit drum
Refounded fetid through the room ;
And from their clubs each faithful friend
Of Liberty, the chief attend.
Some freeholders in fad condition.
Made violent motions — to petition. \
The bill of rights, for this afFair,
Voted a larger hole i*the chair ;
And fram'd a glorious refolution.
Of purging well the conftitution*
Since wine was worfe, if worfe cou'd be,
Tkan the addrefs from Coventry,
The whole committee fqueez'd and prefs*d,'
That grievances might be redrefs'd.
The fheriffs neist, a motion mad^
To call in Dr B— f— -d's aid.
Sir Jofeph M ■ ' y made a fpeech.
Which murmur'd hollow thro' the breech i
And every one refolv*d to (land
For Liberty, with heart and hand.
But
The state JUGGLERS. 77
But to be fure of a retreat^
If they (houid happen to be beat,
A garrtfon in the a — gut
Under this valiant knight they put*
For tam MereuriOf quam MartCp
He was the heart's blood of the party.
But now the hour advanc*d apace.
When he fhou'd £gh, and fay, alas ! '
A curfe upon the lovely fow,
Whofe charms entic'd me from the plow !
And me, in jealous fiiry, fet
To geld each rival that I met.
FoT from the higher ground, the foe
Pour'd on t\it patriots below ;
Who with a fudden panic felzM,
Towards the poftern prefs'd and fqaccz'd.
Sir Jofeph was the firft that fled.
And left his pofl, to fave his bead.
But as the gods, in days of yo^e.
To fave them from the Titan's power.
Were forc'd in qvery fize and fliape,
From high Olympus to efcape ;
So he (to (light of hand no Itranger),
, Finding himfelf in equal danger.
With no lefs Ikill and caution, tries
To fliuk away in a difguife.
But in his rank himfelf intrenching.
He fcorn'd to thruft his foul an inch in ;
C 3 «i-
78 R O D O N D O^ or
Or from l^is prefent knighthood (lir.
Until he found another Sir, —
He'd rather. chufe to lie i'the c tecum
Althd' the enemy (hould take 'Im,
And make black puddings of his bloody
Than derogate from knightlyhood.
But heaven, to knights in danger, kind,
Prefented, what he wiflied to find^
A form mod proper to conceal
This ftickler for the commonweal :
In which Sir Reverence envelop'd.
He fwiftly to the poftern gallop'd ;
And lay perdue, till Ch '—11 f d.
Which happenM oft, when out he darted.
Exulting that he was the firft
Who miniflerial chains had burft.
And in the caafe of Liberty,
Could keep his honours, and be free.
But Fortune, by the minifter
Brib'd in this national affair.
And naturally ill^intention'd
To knights and heroes when unpenCon'd,
On this occaiion (hew*d her fpite
Againft our twice-dubb'd borough*knight :
A hog, that he had lately gelt.
In this difguife the patriot fmelt,
And nothing daunted with the fouad
He made in tumbling to the ground.
The S T a T E J U G G L E R S. 79.
He fwopt the knjght into his belly,
As if a knight had been a jelly !—
Not prophet Jonas to the whale
Afforded fuch a nice regale*
But which was hardeft of digeftion.
We will not (lop to make a queftion ;
Tho', all things wcigh'd, it may be gucfi'd.
The knight was rather better dreft;
Fer trituration much more fit.
And what hogs call a dainty bit.
Tom Thumb, Adzon, Diomede,
Were gobbled up by thofe they fed ; .
But none fave Mufhroom and A^on>
Were turn'd out of the fkin they lay in.
A Axon wore his horns in fight,
Unlike the prudent borough- knight.
Both were determined hunters too.
That of the boar, this of the foiv.
One fell a quarry to his dogs.
The other to his favourite hogs.
The fame their fortune^ any way s
And both are worthy of the lay.
But a worfe accident remained ;
Sir Jofeph fo the paiTage drained.
And like the portfefs at helPs door,
^o open'd it; (to (but no more),
That
«o R O D O N D O, OR
^That with the motley patriot crew
Great Sacro Gorgon's Ipirit fleW.
Here ftiould we fpeak of Wilkes's grief.
Of Kl — ph — y looking — like a thief, —
Bemoaning with his crony, dead,
His liquor's reputation fled ;
Hit guinea loft, his cellar fham'd^
And England's conftiCution maim'd !
But now in France the mufe proceeds
To fing great Cacofogo's deeds ;
To follow him by tuck of drum ;
And hue and cry, and poft hafte home 5
And all the wonders to relate
Of Brentford and of Bifliopfgate;
With many weighty matters, which
Another book fhall (hortly teach.
Ekd c/ Canto III.
/
THE
ARToF POLITICS,
Im imitation of
H O R A C E'S
ART OF POETRY,
r F to a human face Sir James fhould draw
A gelding's mane^ and feathers of maccaw ;
A lady's bofom^ and a tail of cod^
Who could help laughing at a (ight fo odd? {a)
Juft fuch a monder. Sirs^ pray think before ye,
When you behold one man both Whig and Tory.
Not
' V
(/?) Humafio capitl cervicem pi^or equlnam
Jungere fi velit, & varias inducers plumas^
Undique. col I at is membris^ ut turpiter atrum
Definat in pifccm^ mulier jormofa fuperne t
Spe6fatum admtjfty rifum feneatis, amici?
Creditey Pifonts^ ifli tabula fore lihrum
Per ji mil em, cujus, velit agri f omnia, vana
$2 The art of
Not more extravagant are drunkard's dreams.
Than low church politics with high- church fchcmcsi
Painters, you'll fay, may their own fancies ufe.
And fiee-borh Britons may ih^ir party chufe ;
That's true, I own : but can one piece be drawn
For dove and dragon, elephant and fawu ?
(^) Speakers profefs'd, who gravity pretend.
With motely fentlments their fpeeches blend ;
£egin like patriots^ and like courtiers end.
-Some love to roar, the conpiiution^s broke j^
And others on the nation's debts to joke ;
Some rail, (they hate a cammoa*wealth fo much,)
Whate*cr the fubjed be, againft tjie Dutch; -
While others, with more fa(hionable fiicy.
Begin with turnfikes, and conclude with Fieury /
Some,
Fingentur fpeetes. Piif^ribus atque p^etts
Quidiibet audendi femper fu'tt aqua pctejias ;
Scimus, & hanc veniam petimufque damufque victf-
fim:
Sed non ut placidls coeant immitia, n9n ut
Eerpentes av'tbus geminentury tig^tibus agni^
{^) Jficspptis gravibuj, pier um que , ir magna prof ejis,
Purpureus late- quijplendeat unus ir alter
^ifuitur pannus ; sum lucus 4at ara Diana,
jiut proper antis aqua per amanos ambitus agroSf
jlut fiumen Rh num, aut pluvius defer ibitur arcus g
Sid nunc non erat his locus : & fortajfe cuprefuwi
Scis
POLITICS. 83
Some, ivhen <th' affair was BIenheim'3 glorious battle
Declaim d againft importing Irifh cattle.
But you, from whate'er fide you take your natne^
Like Anna's motto, always be the fame.
[c) Outfides deceive, 'tis hard the truth to know -v
Parties from quaint denominations flow^
As Scots and Irilh antiquaries (how.
The Low are fa id to take Fanatics parts,
• The High are tioodj Papifis in their hearts.
Caution and fear to higheft faults have run ;
In pleafing both the parties, you pleafe none*
Who in the houfe affc^s declaiming airs.
Whales in Change alley paints, in Fifh Hrect, Sears,
S6me metaphors, fome handkerchiefs difplay,
Thefe peep in hats, while thofe with buttons play,^
And make me think it repetlthn-day i
There
Sets fimulare : quid hoc ^fi fra^lis enatat exfes
Nav'tbuSy are dato qui pingifur P amphora capit
Jnflituif current e fjota cur urceus exit ?
Denque fit quidvis, [implex duniaxat d* unutn%
(c) Decipimurjpecitre^i; brevis ejfe laboro,
Obfcurus fio ; fe (fa fit em I a via ^ nervi
Deficiunt artimique : projeffui grandia, turget^
Xijdi variare cupit rem prodtgaliter una7n,
Delphinumfylvis appfngit^ftuclibfs aprum^
-Jn vit'mm ducit culpa fuga, ft caret arte,
^Thilium circa ludumfabtr imus & ungnes
Exprimet, ir molles imitabitur ore capillos ;
Jnfelix
84 T H £ A R 1" o r
There knights haranguitjg hug a neighbVing poft,
-And are but Qu6rum orators at mod.
Sooner than thus my want of fenfe expofc,
' rd deck out bandy legs with gold clock't hofe/
Or wear a toupet-wig without a nofe.
Nay, I would fooner have thy phyz, I fwear,
Surbitendant des plaifirs d' Anglete^rre*.
{d\ .Ye weekly writers, of feditious news,
Takexarc your Juhjeifs artfully to chufe.:
W nit panegyric ftrong, or boldly rail,
YoU cannot m\{s preferment, — or a jai/.
Wrap up your poifon well, nor fear to fay
, What was a lie 1 all night is truth today j
Te
Infelix gpefh fumma^ quia ponert totum
Nefcht ; ego me, fi quid corfiponere €urem,
-Non magis ejfe vei'trriy quam pravo vivere nafo
SpeZiandum uigri ccuius, nigroque capillo,
(</) Sum'tte mater'iam vejiris^qui fcr'thitis\ iiequam
Viribui ; ij v erf ate diUy quid feire recufe?ity
Quid valeant humeri : cui lefia patenter erit res ;
hhc facundia deferet huuc, nee lucidus ordo,
Ordinis hac virtus erit & Venus, aut egofallor,
\ Vt jam nunc dicat, jam nunc dehentia did :
Plcraque differet, ir prafens in tempus omittat.
Dixeris egregie^ notumfi callida vtrbum
Reddiderit jun^fura novum ; fi forte neceffe eft
. JudUiis
* All Mr Heydcgger'j letters came dire Bed to
him from abroad, A Monfieur, Monfieur Hcydegger,
Surii^tendant de plaifirs d* Angleterre.
POLITICS. 85
Tell this, fink that, arrirc at Ridpath's praife.
Let Abel Roper your ambition raifc.
To lie fit opportunity obfcrvc,
Siviiig fome double meauing in refer?^ ;
Bui oh ! you'll merit cverlafting fame.
If you can quibble on Sir Robert's name.
\n Jiatc affairs ufe not the vulgar phrafe.
Talk words fcarce ktiowD in good queen Befs's days.
New terms let war or traffic introduce.
And try to hx\v\g per ft: ading Jhips in ufe.
Coin words : in coining ne'er mind common fenfe.
Provided the original be French.
(#) XJke/outh-fea ffock, expreflions rife and fall
King Edward's words are now no words at all.
Did ought your predecefTor's genius cramp f
Sure ev Vy reign may have its proper (lamp.
All fublunary things of death partake ;
AVhat alteration does a cent'ry make ?
H Kingf
Indiciis vtonflrare re cent thus ahd'ita rerums
Finger e ctn(luris nbn ex audit a Cethegis
Contingety dabiturque licentiafumpta pudenter
Ft novayficiaque nuper habebunt verba fidem^ fi
Grutco fonte cadant,
if^ — licuityfemperque ilcebit^
Signatum pr^fente rtota producere nomen.
Vt Syivafoliis pronos mutaniur in artnos,
Prima cadunt ; ita verborum vetus interit atas%
Dtbemur morti nos, nojtraquey Jive receptus^
Terra Neptunui, ciajfes aquitonibus arc^t^
I
8^ TheAR^Tof
Kiogs and comtdiatis all are mortal found,
Cxfar and Pinktthman are under ground.
What's not deftroy'd by time's devouring hand ?
Where's Troy, and wbere's the May -pole in the
Strandf
Peafe, cabbages, and turnips, once grew wh^re
Now (lands New fiond-ftreet, and a newer fquare :
Such piles of buildings now rife up ond down s
London itfelf feems going out of town*
Our fathers crofs'd from Fulham in a wherry.
Their fons enjoy a bridge at Putney-ferry.
Think we that modern words eternal are ?
Toupet and Tompion, Cofins and Cplraar,
Hereafter will be call'd by fome plain man
A njoigy a watch, a pair of ft ays, a fan.
To things themfelves if time fuch change affords.
Can there be any trufling to our words \
(f) To fcrcen good minifters from public rage, *'
And how with party-Madnefs to engage,
W6 learn from Addifon's immortal page.
The
Regis opus, ft erilifve diu palus, aptaque remis
Vicinas urhes a/it, 4r grave fent it aratrum :
Seu curfum viutavit iniquum frugihus amnis,
Do6ius iter melius, mortalia faCia peribunt ;
Nedum fermonum fiet honos, ^ gratia vivax,
Mult a renafcentur, qua jum ce cider e ; cadetjtque.
Qua nunc funt in honore vocahula, ft volet ufus :
Quern penes arbitriumeft, ij jus iy norma loquendi.
(y) Res gefta regumque ducumqne, <£r triftia Sella,
Quofcribi poftent numero^ monftravit Homerus.
Verftbus
POLITICS. 87
The Jacohite*s ridicolous opinion
Is feen from Tikell's letter to Avignon.
But who put sCaleb's Country Craftfman out.
Is dill a fccret, and the world's in doubt. *
[g) Not long fmce parifbclerksj with faucy airs^
Apply'd king D^y\di*% pfalms to Ji ate affairs.
Some certain tunes to politics belong,
Oq both (iJes drunkards love a party-fong.
(A) If full acroft the Speaker's chair I go,
Can 1 be faid the rules o'th' houfe to kaow I
I'll vLtk, nor give offence without intent.
Nor thro' meer (heepiflmefs be impudent.
(/) In a^s of parliament avoid fublimc.
Nor e'er addrefs his majefty in rhime ;
H 2 An
Verfihus impariter jun£iis querimonsa primum,
Poft etiam inclufa eft votifententia compos.
Quis tamen exiguos elegos emi/erit auflor^
Crammatici certant, & fdhuc fuh judice lis eft.
(^) y^ufa deditfidibus Divos, puerofque Deorum,
Et pugilem vi^lorem, & equum c ert amine primum
Et juvenum cur as ^ tr libera vina rtferre,
(^) Defcriptas fervare vices, operumque colores,
Cur egOy ft nequeoy ignoroque poetafalutor?
Cur nefcire, pudens prave, quam difcere malo ?
(/) Verftbus exponi tragicis res comica non vult.
Indignatur itemprivatis, ac prope focco
88 The ART of
An a{f 9f parliament z a ferious thiog.
Begins with year of Lord and year of king ;
Keeps clofe to form, in every word is ftri^,
When-it would pains and penalties infliA,
Soft words fuit bed petitioners intent ;
Soft words, O ye petitioners of Kent !
•
(i) Who e*er harangues before he gives his vote^
Should fend fweet language from a tuneful throat.
Pultney the coldefl bread with zeal can fire.
And Kom^Liilihoughts by Attic 7?//^ infpire ;
He knows from tedious wranglings tt) beguile
1 he ferious houfe into a chearful fmile %
When the great patriot paints his anxious fears
For England's fafety, 1 am loft in tears.
Biit when dull fpeakers {l^ive to move corapailioD,
1 pity their poor heirers, not the nation :
Unlefs young members to the purpofe fpeak,
I fall a laughing, or I fall afltep.
(/) Ca»
Dignis carmin'ibns narrari catna Thyefl^.
Internum tameny ir voiem Comcedia toUit,
Jrattifque Chremes tumirlo delitigat ore, '
Teiephus ir Peleus, cum pauper, & exul uterque
Projicit ampullas, f fefquipedalia verba,
^k) Son fatis ejl pulchra ejfe poemata : du Ida f unto \
Et quocunque tfolent animum auditaris egunto,
Ut ridentious arrident, tta flentibus adfunt
Humani vultus. Si vis me f^re^ dolendum eft
Primttm ipji tibi : tunc tua me infortunia itiedent
Telephf, vcl Peleu. Male ft tuandata Uqueris,
j4ut dormitabo aut ridsbo*
(J) Format
POLITICS. ^9
(/) Can men their inward faculties controul ?
Is not the tongue an index to the foul ?
Laugh not in time oi fervice to your Qod^
Nor hully, when in cufi^dy o'th' r^d i
Look grave^ and he from jokes and grinning far^
When hrought to fue for pardon at the bar.
If then you let your ill-tim*d wit appear^
knights, citizens, and burgefTes will fneer*
im) For land or trade^ not the fame notions fire
The city ^merchant, and the country fquire ;
Their climes are diflant^ tho* one caufe unites
The inirds of Scotland, and the Cornifli knights.
(«) To likelihood your ckaraCiers confine %
Don't turn Sir Paul out ; let Sir Paul refign.
In Walpole's voice (if factions ill intend)
Give the two Univerftties a friend j
H 3 . Give
(/) Format enim natura prius nos intus ad omnsm
Fortunarmn habitum, isrc,
Pojl effert ajiimi mot us interprets lingua.
*— Triftia maftum
" Vultum verba decent^ iarc.
Si dicentis erunt ft^rtunis abfona diffa^
Romani tollent e quite s, peditefque cachinnum.
{m)lntererit multum Divufne loquatur^ an heroi: '
Mercatorne vagus, culterne virentis age Hi t
Colchus, an Ajfyrius^ Thcb'ts nutritus, an Argis*
(«) Aut famamfequere^aut fibi convenientia finge
Script or. Honor atum fi forte reponis Achilitm :
Imfiger^ ira^undus, inexorabilis, aser ••
90 TheARTof
Give Maidftone wi(:> and elegaoce refin'd ;
To both the Pelhams give the Scipios mind ;
To CartVct learoipg, eljDC|uence, and, parts;
To Gtorgt'the fecond, g\st all EnglUh hearts.
(o) Soijictimcs freifli names in politics produce, .
And fictions yet unheard of introduce;
And if you dare attempt a thing fo new.
Make to \i£M tht flying /qua dr on true.
(/) T^° fpeak is free, no memhsr is debav'd :
"BrjLi funds and national accompts are hard :
Safer on common topics to difcourfe.
The mah'tax, and a military force.
On thefe each cofiee-houfe will lend a hint,
JBefidesa thoufand things that are in print.
But (leal not word for word, nor thought for thought:
For you'll be teaz'd to death, if you are- caught.
When
Jura neget fibi nata ; nihil non arroget at ?nism
Sit Medea jeroxy inviilaque fclfilis In6^
Perfidus Jxion, Jo vaga, trijtis OreJIes,
^^o) Si quid ine^xpertumfcente committis^ 4T audes
P erfo nam fot mare novam : fervetur ad imum
Qualis ab incapto procefferit^ kr fibi conjiet*
^p) Diffiiile :ft proprie communia dicers : tuqud
ReBius Iliacum carmen deduces in afius,
Quam ftprofirres ignota, indi^laque prif?iuS0
Publica materies privati juris erit, ft
Nee circa vilim patulunique moraberis orbem,
Ntc verium vcrbo curabis rcdd^re fidus
Interfres,
POLITICS. 91
When Fa^ious leaders boafl increafiiig (Ircngth,
Go not too far, nor follow cv'ry length :
Leave room for ch^iogc, turn with a grace about.
And fwear you left *em, when you found 'em out.
(^) With art and modefty your part maintain :
And talk like colonel Titus, not like Lane j
The trading k night jyith rants his fpeech begins^
Sun, moon, and (lars, and dragons, faints, and kings:
But Titus faid with his uncommon ^t^\{^^ *
When the exclufion hiH was in fufpencc,
I hear a lion in the lobby roar;
Say, Mr Speaker, (hall we {hut the door.
And keep him there, or fhall we let him in.
To try if we can turn him out again \
(r) Some mighty blu(lerersiw/^<7<:/5 with noile,
And call their private cry, the nation's voice ;
(•) From
• A'
Inter frei : nee ftc defilies im/tator tH^r^nm
Vnde pedem prof err e pudor vetet\^ i9^^i\i^iifs lex,
\ r. \v ■
^j) Nec fc inciples ut Scriptor Cyclicus olhn,
- Fortunam Prlatni cantaboy iar nobile bcilum :
Quant redius hia^ qui nil molitur inept e /
Die mihi Mufa virum, capta pojt tempera Troj^,
Qui mores hominum muttorum vidit iar urbes*
(r) Non fumum exfulgoreffedfxfumQdare lueem
Cogitat i
^ (0 Qs^id
92 TheARTop
(/) From folio's of accompts they take their handles.
And the whole balance proves a pound of candles;
As if Paul's cupola were brought to bed.
After hard labour, of a fmall pin's head.
(/) Some Rufu«, fome the Conqueror bring in.
And fome from Julius Caefar's days begin.
A cunning fpeaker can command his chops^
And when the houfe is not in humour, ftops;
In falfefiood probability imploys,
Nor his old lies with newtr lies deftroys.
(«) If when you fpeak, you'd hear a needle fall.
And make the frequent hear-hims reud the wall.
In matters fuitcd to your taile engage,
Rcmembring ftill your quality and age.
Thy ta(k be this, young knight, and hear my fong,
What politics to cv'ry age belong.
(x) When
(j) Quid dignum tatito feret hie prttmijJ'Qr hiatu A
TartuP^Hfit ihanteiynafcetur ridiculus mus.
{/) I^ec^fi^tif^Diomedis ab interitu Mele^gri,
T^ec gcmino helium Tr^janum orditur ab ovo^
J) ef per at traEiafa nit ef cere pojfe, relinquit^
jit que it a mentitur, fic veris falfa remifcet
Primo ne medium^ medio ne difcrepet imum,
{m\ Tuy quid ego, & populus mecum defideret^ audi*
Si pi an f oris eges aula a manentiSy <It ufque
Se]ftiriydonec cantor y vos plaudite^ die at i
JEtatis cujufque notandt funt tibi mores 2
MBbilibufgue decor ^aturis dandus, <r annis.
(x) Redder^
POLITICS. 9S
(x) Whet) ^aies can fpeak, iai^s (hould be taught
to fay,
JK'ing George the fecond^ s health, huzzi, huzza !
Boys (hould learn Latin iox prince William's fakej,
And girls Louifa their example make.
ij) More loves the/o»/^, juft come to his edate^
To range the fields, than in the h%ufe debate %
More he delights in favVite }owler*s tongue.
Than in Will Shippen, or Sir William Young :
If in one chafe he can two hor(es kill,
He cares not two- pence for the land-tax bill ;
Loud in his wine, ia women cot o'er nice,
lie damns his uncles if they give.s^vke f
Votes. a» hi$ father did when tliert's a calL
m
But had much rather never vote ^t all*
(2) We take a different turn at twenty JlSf
And lofty thoughts on fome lord's daughter fix 1
(x) Reddere qui v^cesjatnfcit puer^ & pede certo
Signat humumfgejt it paribus cc^Hudere, ir tram
Colligit ac ponit temers^ 6* mutatur in horas,
{y) Jmhsrbis juveuis, tandem cujiode rsmoto,
Gaudet equis, canlbufquey 6* aprici gramine campii
Qereus in vitium fie^ii^ monitoribiis a/per,
Ltilitim tardus provifor, prodigus aris^
Sublhnii, cup'tdnjque\ ij amata relinqusre pernix^
[ {z) Cofiverfis Jludiis^ atas, animnfque viriiis
Qitarit
94 The ART OF
With men in powV ftri<ft friendfhip we purfue^
Wilk fome conQderable pod id view.
A man of forty fears to change his note.
One way to fpeak, and t'other way to vote ; "
Careful his tongue in pafllbn to command.
Avoids the bar, anc) fpeaker's reprimand.
i
(^a) In bags the WJ ptan lets his treafure ruft.
Afraid to ufe it, or the funds to truO- ;
When ftocks are tow, he wants the heart to buy.
And through much caution fees 'em rife t6o high ;
Thinks nothing rightly done fivict fevsnty eight,
Swears prefent members do not talk, but prate :
In Charles the fecund* s days, fays he, ye prigs,
Tories were Tories thep, and Whigs were Whigs*
Alas ! this is a lamentable truth.
We lofe in age as we advance in youth :
I laugh, when twenty will like eighty talk.
And old Sir John with PpHy Peachum walk.
{h) Now
Quarit opes if amicitias; infervit hor^ori ;
Covimifilfe canet^ quodmox mutare labor et,
(rt) Multaftnem circumventunt incommQda : vel quod
Quarity ir inventis mifer abjiinety ac timet uti t
Dilator, fpe longuSy iners, avidufque futuri j
Difficilisj querulus, laudatur temporis aCii
Se puero, cenfor, cafligatorqr4e minorum^
Multa jerunt anni venientes commoda fecum f
Multa ncedentes adimuntp Ne forte fenileSf
Mandeniur juveni partes ^ pueroque virile i:
Semper in adiun^lis. avoque morabimur aptis.
^ {b) Aut
POLITICS. 95
(3) New as to double y or to falfe returns,
When pockets fuffcr, and when anger burns,
O thing furpafling faith! knight drives with Jcnight,
When both have brib'd and neithcr's in the right.
The b%ylift*8 felf is fcnt for in that cafe.
And all the witnefTes had face to face.
Seledled members foon the fraud unfold.
In full comjnittee of the houfe 'tis told j
Th' incredible corruption is deftroy'd.
The chairman's angry, and th* election, void.
(t) Thofe who would captivate the well-bred
throng.
Should not too often fpeak, nor fpeak too long :
Church, nor church-matters ever turn to fpor^.
Nor make St Stephen's Chapel, Dover Court.
[d) The /peaker, when the Commons are aflembrd*
May to the Graecian Chorus be refembrd ;
Tis
(b) Ant agltur res In f cents ^ aut aSia refertur.
Segnius irritant animos demijfa per aurem,
Quam qua funt oculisfubjeHafidniibus, & qua
Jpfe fibi tradit Speffator.
Quodcunq ; oftendis mihi fic, incredulus odi%
(«r) Neve minor y neu fit quinto produCiior a6fu
Fabuia, qua pofci vult, 47 fpeBata reponi :
g^v Nee Detis inter fit, nifi dignus vindice nodus
Jnciderity nee quarta loqui perfona laboret^
(^) A^oris partes Chorus , officiumque virile
Defendat f neu quid medios intercinat a^us
9^ The A F T' cr
*ris his the young and modeft to efpoufe.
And fee none draw, or challenge in the hitufes
*Tis his old hofpitality to ufe.
And threcgood printers for the houfe to chufe;
To let each reprefentative be heard.
And take due care the chaplain be preferr'd.
To hear no motion m^de that's out of joint, ;
And where he fpies his member, make liis peint.
(^) To knights new chofcn i!n old time would come.
The county trumpet^ and perhaps a drum ;
Now when a burgefs new ele<fl appears,
Come train-bands, horfe-guards, foot guards,
grenadiers;
When the majority the town clerk tells.
His honour pays the fiddles, waits,, and bells :
Harangues
Quod non propofito conducat, ir ijareat apte /
Jlle bonis faveatque & concidetur amicis,
£t regat iratosy isr amet pec care timentes,
Jlle d ipes laudet menftt brevis : ilk falubrem
Jujiitiam^ legefque & apertis otia portis,
Jlle tegat co?nmilfa, Deofque p ecetur, & oret
Ut redeat miferiSy aheatforturiafuperbis,
((?) Tibia non, ut nnnCy onchalco vinifa, tubaque
JEmulai fed tenuis y fimplexqne for amine pauc9
jifpirarcy if adejfe chuis erat utilis, 4rc.
PoJIquam cKpit agros extender e viBor, ij urbem
Latior ample [ii muruSy is'C^
jicccjfit numerifque modifque Ucentia major*
Sic etium fiJibus vces crevere feveris^
Et tulit eloqu'tum infolitum f acundia praceps,
Utiiiufnque
POLITICS, 97
Harangues the pio6, and is as wife and great.
As the moft myftic oracle of ftatc.
(/) ^^^^cn the duke's grand Ton for the county ftood^
His beef was fat, and Iiis Oiflobcr good ;
His lorddiip took each ploughman by the fid.
Drunk to their fons, their wives and daughters kifs'd;
But when ft-ong beer their frecborn hearts inflimes,
They fell him bargains, and they call him names.
Thus is it decTi'd in Engli/h nobles wife
To ftoop for no one reafon but to rife.
(g) Eledlion matters (hun with cautions awe,
O all ye judges learned in the law !
A judge by bribes as much him felf degrades.
As duchefs'dowager by roafquerades.
{/)) Try not with jefts obfccnc to force a fmile.
Nor lard your fpeccb with mother Nccdham's ftile:
I
Utiliumque fagax return ^ 4r divina futurl
Sort i J eg is non dlfcrtpu'tt Jententta Delphis,
(y) Carmine qui tragico viietn certavit, ob hircum^
Jficoiumi gravitate jocutntentavit 2 eo quod
Jllecebris trat, tr grata, nomtate morandus
Spe'tatoryJunBuJqrtefacriSf ir potus,^ exiex,
(^) fff^'^*^^^^"^^* indigna tragsfdia ver/us:
Ut fejtis fkattona nioveriju^fa diebusy
Jnterent Satyris pauiufn pudibunda protervis*
(^) Non eg9 inornata 43" dominantia nontina folum^
Verbaque, Pi/ones, Satyrorum fcf iptor amabo j
9* T H E A R T o F
X^et not your tongue to Olphield'ffmos run.
And K'tbhtrifmos with abhorrence fhun j
Let not your looks afFe<fted words difgrace^
Nor join with diver tongue a brazen face ;
Let not your hands, like tali-boys, be employed
And the mad rant of tragedy avoid.
Ji^ft in your thoughts, in your expreflion clear,
Neither too modeft, nor too bold appear.
(/) Others in vain a like fuccefs will boaft, /
He fpeaks mod eafy who has ftudy'd mod.
(K) A peer's pert heir has to the commons fpokc
A vile refledion, or a bawdy joke \
Call'd to the houfe of lords, of this beware,
*Tis what the bijhofs bench will never bear.
Among the commons is fuch freedom (hown.
They la(h each other, and attack the throne :
Yet fo unfldlful, or fo fearful fome.
For nine that fpeak there's nine* and* forty dumb.
(/) When
Nee fie en/tar tragieo differre c^hti,
Ut nihil interfif, Davufne loquator^ et attdax
PythiaSt emu^iclo lucrata Simone talentjtm :
An cuflas fatntdufque Dti SHenus atumni
(/) Ut fibi quivis
Speret idem,fudet m,ultHm frujlraque labaret^
(k) Ne nimium teneris juvenentur verfibus unquam^
Aut immunda crepenty ign^miniof^que dtCia :
Offenduntur entm. quibu< efr eqr/ui, ir paier. & res,
Nee fi quid f rim ciceris praiat* & nucis emtor,
Mquis accipiunt anlmis, donautv^ corona,
0) At
POLITICS. 99
(/) When James the Jfrft, at great Britannia's helm,
Rul'd this word-clipping and word coining realm^
No words to royal favour made pretence.
But what agreed in found and clafh'd in fenfe.
Thrice happy he ! how great that fpeaker's praife.
Whole ev'ry period looked an hundred waysf
What then ? we now with juft abhorrence fliun.
The trifling quibble^ and the fchool-boys puu ;
Tho' no great connoiffleur, I make a (hift
Tuft to find out a Durfcy from a Swift ;
1 can difcern with half an eye, I hope,
Mift from {o Addifon ; from EufJen, Pope :
I know a farce from one of Congreve's plays.
And Gibber's opera from Johnny Gay's.
(w) When pert Defoe bis faucy papers writ.
He from a cart was pillor'd for his wit :
By mob was pelted Haifa morning's fpace.
And rotten eggs bcfmear'd his yellow face ;
The Cenfor then improv'd the lift'ning ifle.
And held both parties in an artful fmile*
I 2 - A
(I) Jt no/In proavif Plautifios^ <r nutnertys &
haudavere falcsy nimium patient er utrumque^
Nee dtcam ftultSy tfdrati : ft modo, egOy & vas
Scimtts inurhanum lepido fiponere diClo^
Legttimumque^ ftnum digit is caliemttSy & aure,
(w) I^hotum tragic a genus invertiffe Cainana
Dicitur, ir plauftris vexijfe poemata Thefpi^ :
Qtta canerefitf agerentquepefun^iifacihu^ Qta*
100 Th E A R T OF -
A fcribbling crew now pinching winter brings,
That fpare no earthly nor no heav'niy things.
Nor church, nor ftatc, nor treafurers^ nor kings.
But blafphemy difpleafes ail the town^
And for defying fcripture, law, and crown,
Woolflon (hould pay his fine, and lofe his gown«
(//} It mufl be own*d the journals try all ways
To merit their refpedtive party's praife ;
They jar in every article from Spain ;
A war thefe threaten, thofe a peace maintain :
Tho' lye they "will, to give 'em aU their due.
In foreign matters, and domeftic too.
Whoever thou art that would'ft a,J>op man write^
Enquire all day, anc! heavlcen all the night.
Sure Gazetteers, and writers of Courants,
Might foon exceed th* intelligence of France r
To be out- done old England Ihould refufe.
As in her arms, fo in ker public news ;
But
Poj) hunc p erf nor, pal I it que repertor hone pa
JEfchjltis, & mod'tcis inftravit pulpita ttgms\
Et docuti magnuntqtie ioqui, nitique cotkurnom
Succejfit vet us bh comeedia, non fine mult a
Laude : fea in vitium libertas excidit, & vim
Dignum Hege regi : lex ejf accept a ^ chorufquc
' Turpiter ohicuit fublato jure nocendi.
hi) Nil interitatum noftri Uquere poette,
Nee minimum merudre decuSy vefiigia Craca
jiufi dejererey iar celehrare domeJiicafaCia :
Nee virtute foret^ clarifve potentiuf armis,
• Qua7n
POLITICS. 101
Bttt truth is fcarce^ the fctne of a^oa Iarge>.
And correfpondence an exceiHvc charge*
(o) There are who fay na man can be a vritp
Unlefs for Newgate or for Bedlam fit j
Let pamphleteers abulivc fatyr write.
To (hew a genius is to (hew a fpite :
That author's works will ne'er be reckon'd good.
Who has not been where Curl the printer flood.
(/) Alas poor me, you may my fortune gacfs :
I write, and yet humanity profefs :
(Though nothing can delight a modern judge.
Without ill nature and a private grudge),
1 love the king, the queen, and royal race :
I like the government, but want no place t
I 3 Too
Huain lingua J hattum^ fi non ^ffsnderef unuT^'-
quemque pO'.'tarum iima labor ^ ij mora. —
(o) Ingnti um mijera quia fortunatius arte
Credit 4j txcludit janoi Heiicone poetas
Democritus ; bona pars hon unguem pohere curat,
I^on bar bam s
-» -
haiu'tfcetur enim pretium, nomenqne poeta^
Si tribus Anticytti caput injanabue nunquam
Tonfori Licina commijent,
(p\ ego lavus.
Qui purgor biletn fub ve^ni tcmpons horam?
JMon alius faceret meliora poemata. Verum
Nii tanti ejl : egofungar vice cotis acutum
RedJire qua jerrum valet, exors ipfa fccandi \
Muttus 4s- 9jficium/nilJ'cribtn.s ifjc^docebt,
102 Th fi A R T o F
Too low in life to be a jujlice I,
And for a conilable, thank god I too high :
Was never in a plot^ my brain's not hurt ;
I politics to poetry conrert.
(f ) ^ politician muft (as I have read)
Be furnifti'd, in the fiift place, with a head \
A ^^^^well fiird with Machiavelian brains^
And (lufF'd v/ith precedents of former reigns ;
Muft journals read, and Magna Charta quote.
But adls ftill wifcr, if he fpeaks by n^ta :
Learns well his leiTon, and ne*er fears miftakes :
For ready money ready-fpeakers makes ;
He muft inftru(^ions and credentials draw,
Pay well the army, and prote<5f the law :
Give to his country what's his country's due.
But firft help brothers, fonSy and coufins too.
He muft read Grotius upon war and peace.
And the twelve judges falary incrcafe.
He muft oblige old friends and new allies.
And find out waj^'S and means for ixt^fupplUs*
H-e
Unde parentur opes: quid alatformetque p$etfim:
Quid deceat quid no m quo virtus quo ferat error.
(^) Scribendi rtBe, fapere eji isr principiutny 4sr fons :
Rem tihi Sorattca poterunt ojtendere charta ;
Verbaque provifapi rem non invita fequentur.
Qui didicit . patriae quid debeat^ ir quid amicis :
J2f^o //t amor e parens y quo f rater amandusy (r
^^o////t con/cfifti,quQd]ud\Q\i ©Jiciwrn i que
P«rt«s
POLITICS. toj
He muft the weavers grievances redrefs.
And merchants wants in mercliants words expreis«
(p) Dramatic poets that expe<5l the bayi^
Should cull our hiftories for party plays ;
Wickfori's ambaflador (hould £ll their head^
And the flat e trials carefully be read :
For whit is Dryden's mufe and Otway's plots
To th' earl of EiTex or 'the queen 0/ Scots ?
(^) *Tis faid that queen Elizabeth could fpeak.
At twelve years old, right Attic full-mouth*d Greek '
Hence was the*{ludent forc'd at Greek to drudge^
If he would be a bifhop, or a judge.
Divines and lawyers now don't think they thrive^
'Till promised places of men ftill alive:
How
Partes in be Hum miffi ducts ^ ille profeCio
Reddere perfona fcit convenientia cuique,
(p) Refpiccre exemplar vitaytnorumque jubebo
Dodum imitatorem^ u veras htnc ducere voces*
Fabula nniUus Veneris ^ fine pandere isr arte^
Valdius oble^iat populurn, meliujque moratur,
Quam verfus inopes rerum^ nugaque canorse.
(j) Gratis ingsnium, Gratis dedit ote rotundo
Mufa loqui, 47 c,
Roman i pue^i longis rationibus ajfem
Difcunt in part s centum diducere : dicat
Fiitus urbaniy fi de quincunce remota efi
JJncia, quid fupered ? p9tcras dixij[e^ truns
104 T H E A R T or
How ol<^ is fuch a one in fuch a poft ?
TIjc anfwcr is, he's (even ty -five altnoft ;
Th* archbiHiop, and the mafier of the rolls ?
Neither i& young, and one's as old as Paul's^ I
Will men^ that a(k fuch qucftions, pablifti books.
Like learned Hooker's, or chief ^juJUcs Caok^s P
(r) On tender fubje^fls with difcretioti touchy
And never fay too little, or too niuch.
On trivial matters flourifhes are wrong,
Motions for candles never (hould be long:
Or if you move, in cafe of fudden rain.
To (hut the windows, fpeak diftindl and plain.
Unlefs you talk good Engllfli down right fenfc.
Can you be underftood by ferjeant Sj^ence ?
(j) New ftorie* always fliouUI with truth agree.
Or truth's half-filler, probability : "
Scarce could Toft's rabbits, and pretended throws.
On half the honourable houfe impofe.
(/) When
XgM foterisfervare tuam.
Redit itncia ; quid fit ?
S£nii t at hac ani?n.os arugo^ <cr cut a pecnli
Cum femei itnbucrit ifperamus carmina fi'tgi
Ftffe linenda ccdro, ir iavi fcrvanda cupre^o >
(r) Quicquid pr act pies ^ ejto brtvi^y ut cjto diCia
T'erciptAfit anirni d^ciits, teneantque fideles ;
Oftifie fupervacHum pleno de pe^iore mauat,
(i) Fi^a voiupiatis caufa^ fiftt proxi?na verts :
J^ec quodcunqus voiet.pofcat fibi fabula credi:
I^eupr unfit Lamue vivum puerum ^xtrahat alv9^
(/) Cctituri^
POLITICS. X05
(t) When Cato fpeaks, young Shallow runs away,
And fwears it is To dull he cannot flay :
When rakes begin on blafphemy to border,
Bromley and Hanmer cry aloud — To order.
The point is thie, with manly fenfe and eafe
T* inform the judgment, and the fancy pleafe.
Fraife it deferves^ nor difficult the thing.
At once to ferve one's country and one's king.
Such fpeeches bring the wealthy Tonfon's gain.
From age to age they minuted remain.
As precedents for George the twentieth's reign.
(a) Is there a man on earth fo pcrfedl Found,
Wh© ne'er miflook a word in fenfe or found^?
N 't blund'ring but pciflrting is the fault ;
No mortal fin is /ap/us lingua thought :
Clerks may miflake ; confid'ring who 'tis from,
I pardon little flips in Cler. Dom. Com*
But let me tell you, I'll not take his parf.
If ev'ry Thurfday he date Die Mart,
If
(/) Centuria ftnioram agitant eiifertiafrugis ;,
Ceifi pratereunt aujiera posmata RhamneSm^
Omne tultt pu'Muniy qui mifcuit utile duleip
heClorem deltBando, paritetque monsndo^;
Hip met et ara liber So/iis, htc 4t mare tranft^
Ef longum n^tofcriptori prorogat avum*
(//) Sunt dciiBa tamen quibus ignovil'e velimus j
/ Non ftmper feriet quodcuuque mir,abitur arcus z
Verum ubi plura nitent in carmine y nonegopaucis
Offendar maculis, quas aut incuria fudit ,
io« Th E A R T o>
But levVy wliipftfr knows afFairs of (late,
Nor fears on oieed fubjeds to debate.
A knight of eighteen hundred pounds a-year—
Who minds his hfcad, if his tftate be clear ?
Sure he may fpeak his mind, and tell the houfef
He matters not the g )vernmcnt a loufe, -
Lack learning kr.i^ht>«j, thefe things are fafely faid
To friends in private, at the Bedford head :
But in the koufe, bef )re your tont.ue runs on,
Conltilt Sir James, lord William's dead and gon«.
"Words to rccal is iirno member's power.
One fliigle word may fend you to the Tower,
(^) The wrong'd to help, the lawlcfs to reftraiii.
Thrice ev'ry year, in ancient Egbert's reign,
The members to the Mitchelgemot went.
In after ages call'd tht pariiawenf ;
Early the Mitcheljiemot did begin
T' enroll their ilatutes on a parchment (kin :
For
Liber, & ingenuus, praf^ertim cenjus equeflrem
Summam nummurum , vitioque remotu ah omnl,
Membranh intus pbfitis delere lice bit y
Quod non edid ris : nefcit vox mtjfa reverH,
^) Sy he fires hofnines, facer irierprefque Det^um
CadibuSf & viiiuf^.h deterruit Orpheus ;
Fu t hac fapientia quondam
Tubltca privatis /ecernerc,facra profanis .•
CoKCubitu
POLITICS. lof
Fqr impious treafoa, hence no room wa$ left,
For murder, for polygamy, or thef't :
Since when the renate*s power both fexes know^
From hops and claret, foap and cailico.
Now wholefome laws young fenators bring in,
GAind goals, attornies, bribery zxaS g'tn^
Since fuch the nature of the Britifh flate.
The power o^ parliament fo old and great.
Ye Tquires and Irifli lords, 'tis worth your care
To be return'd for city, town, or (hire.
By (herifF, bailiff; conllahle, or mayor.
(2) S«me doubt, which to a feat hashed pretence,
A man of fuhftance, or a man of fenfe :
But never any member feats will do.
Without a head piece, and a pocket too;
Senfe is requir'd the depth of things to reach.
And money gives authority to fpeech.
K (^) A
Concubitu frohibere vago.^ dart jura maritis f
Oppida molirty leges incidere ligno,
Di6fa J>er carmina furtes,
Et vita monflrata via eft, & gratia re gum
Pieriis tentata modis : iudufque reperius,
Et longirum opermn finis.
r ne forte pudori
Sit tibi Mufa lyra folers^ & cantor ApoU^,
(2) Natura fieret laudabile carmen^ an arte^
Quafitum eft. Ego nee ftudium fine divite vena,
I\ec rude quid profit video ingenium ; alterius fic
Altera pofcit opem rei, ij cohjurat ataice.
no The A R T or
[a) A man of bus'nefs won't 'till evening dine^
Abftains from women, company^ and wine :
From Fig*a new theatre he'll mifs a nighty
Tho* cocks^ and bulls, and Irifli women fight :
Nor fultry funs, nor dorms of foaking rain.
The man of bus'nefs from the hou/e detain :
Kor fpeaks he for no reafon but to fay,
I am a member, and I fpoke to-day«
I fpeak fometimes, you'll hear his lordfhip cry,
Becaufe forae fpeak that have lefs fenfe than I.
{b) The man that has both land and money too.
May wonders in a trading borough do :
They'll praife his ven'fon, and command his port,
Turn their two former members into fport,
i
And, if he likes it, fatyrize the court.
But at a fead 'tis difficult to know
From real friends an undifcover'd foe ;
The
(a) Qui fludet ^f tat am curfu contingere metamy
Mult a tuUtyfecitque puer : fudavit isr a/fit :
j^hjiinuit Venere ir vino,
' Nunc fat i'5 eft dixijfe : Ego mira poemata pango 9
Occupet extremumfcabies} mihi turpe re/in jui efts
Et quod non didici fane ncfcire fateri,
{h) Alfentatores jubet ad lucrum ire Poeta,
Dives agris, dives phfttis infan§re nummis i
Sivero eft unburn qui xefie ponere pojftt^
Etf ponder e levi pro paupere, if eripere arCiis
hitihus implicitum :. mirabor, ft fciet inter-
nofcere mendacem^ verumque beatus amicum.
Tu Ceu donaris.feu quid donare velis cui.
POLITICS. ixr
The man that fwears he will the poll fecure^
And pawns his foul that your eledion's fure,
Sufpci^l that man : bevErare^ all is not right;
He's, ten to one, a corporation bite*
(c) Alderman Pond, a downright honeft man.
Would fay, I cannot help you, or I can :
To fpend your money, fir, is all a jeft ;
Matters are fettled, fet your heart at reft :
We've made a compromife, and. Sir, you know.
That fends one member high, and t'other /ow.
But if his good advice you would not take,
HeM fcorn your fupper, and your punch forfakc :
Lca,ve you of mighty intereft to brag.
And poll two voices like Sir Robert Fag. _
(d) Parliamenteenng is a fort of itch,
That will too oft unwary knights bewitch,
K 2 Two
Nolito ad verfus tthifa^os ducere plenum
hailtia : clamahit enimy pulchrel bene J reCiei
fi carm'tna condes,
Nunquam tefallant animifuh vulpe latentes,
(c) Quintil'tQ fiquid recitaresy corrigeyfodes;
HoCy aiebaty ir hoc : melius te pojfe negares
Bis, terque expertum frujira delete jubebat.
Si defendere deli^um, quam verterey tnalles^ ^
Nullum ultraverbum^aut operam, fumebat inanemy
Quin fine rivali teque, ir tuafolus amares,
^d) Utf mala quern fcabtesy aut morbus reg'ius urget-^
— — — dicaif} Siculique poet a
Ill The art of
Two good eftates Sir Harry Clodpole fpent ;
Stood thrice^ but fpcke not once^ in parliament :
Two good eftates are gone — who'll take his word ?
Oh ! (hculd his uncle die^ he'd fpend a third :
He d buy a huufe^ his happinefs to crown.
Within a mile of Tome good borough town;
Tag, rag, and bobtail to Sir Harry's run,
Men that have votes, and women that have none:
Sons, daughters, grandfons, with his honour dine;
He keeps a public houfe without a figo.
Coblers and fmiths extol th' enfuing choice,
And drunken taylors boafl their right of voice.
I>warly the free-born neighbourhood is bought.
They never leave him ^I'hile he's worth a groat :
So Leeches Aick, nor quit the bleeding wound, *
Till off they drop with Ikinfuls to the ground.
Narraho tnteritum — — —
Nee feme t hoc fecit, nee, ft retra^us erst, jam
F'let hoMOf at4t pohet famofa mortis amorem,
Indoffum diElumque fugat recitator acerbus :
Quern vero arripuit, teuety occiditque lege fid Of
Nofi milfura cutem, ni ft plena cruoris, hirudu
FINIS.
THE
ART OF PREACHING;
In imitation of
H O R A C E'S
ART OF POETRY
(<j)qHOULD fomc ftrange poet, in his piece, a^Fe^
^ Pope's nervous ftile> with Ward's low puns
bc-deck'd ;
Prink Miltou's true fublime, with Swift's true wit ;
And Blackmore's gravity with Gay's conceit ;
Would you not laugh ? truft me that pried's as bad.
Who in a ftile now grave, now raving mad.
Gives the wild whims of dreaming fchoolmen ven^,
Whilft drowfy congregations nod aflent.
K 3 (^) The
(tf) Humano capiti cervicem pi(for equinam
Ju?tgere ft velit, iar v arias indutere flurnaSy
Undique collatis msmbrisy ut turpiter atrum
DefiTiat in pifcetn, tnulier formofa fuperhe :
Spe£iatum admij/i rifum tafieatis amici?
Credife, P if ones, tjti tabula fore lihruvx
Ferfimilem — —
114 The ART OP
{t) The priefts, 'tis true, have always been allow'd
To teach religion, and 'tis fit they (hou'd,;
But in that facred name when they difpence
r
Flat coDtradi^ioQS^ to all common fenfe ;
Tho' fools and bigots wonder and believe^
The wife 'tis not fo eafy to deceive.
(c) Some take a text fublime, and fraught with
fenfe.
But quickly fall into impertinence.
On trifles eloquent, with great delight
They flourifli out on fome ftrange myftic rite ;
Clear up the darknefs of fome ufelefs text.
Or make fome crabbed paflTage more perplext :
5ut to fabdue the paflions, or dired.
And all life's moral duties, they negle£t«
(^) Moft preachers err (except the wifer few).
Thinking eftabli[h*d dodtrines, therefore, true :
[e) Others too fond of novelty and fchemes,
Amufe the world with airy idle dreams :
(e) Others
[i) pl£i$ribui atque poetis
Quldlibet audendi femper fuit aqua potejtas
Sed non ut placidii coeant immltia — —
(c) Jnceptls gravibus plerumque, isr magna, frofejjis'^
^d) Maxima pars vatum-^--^
Decipimurfpecie reSi — —
^e) Qui variare cupit re?n prodigaliter unam^
, j>^Jj>hinum filvii appingit^fu^iius aprum.
m In
P R E A C H I N (3. U;
(f) Thus too much faith, or too prefuming wit.
Are rocks where higots^or free- thinkers fplit.
(g) The very meancft dabler at Whitehall,
Can rail at Papifls^ or poor Qaakers maul ;
But when of fome great truth he aims to preach,
Alas ! he fiads it far beyond his reach.
(h) Young deacons try your (Irength, and ftrive
to find
A fubjeA fuited to your turn of mind ;
Method and words are eafilj your own.
Or (hould they fail you— fteal from TillotfoD.
^f) Much of its beauty, ufefulnefs, and force.
Depends on rightly timing a difcourfe.
Before the 1— ds or c — m — ns — far from nice.
Say bo\d\y — B rib' rj is a dirtj vice —
But quickly check yourfelf — and with a fncer—
Of which this honourable houfe is clear*
(i) Great
(y*) In vitium duett culpa fuga^ fi caret arte,
^g) Emilium circa ludumfaber imus, & ungues
Exprimetf iar mi lies imitahitur tere capillos ;
Jnfelix operis fumtnay quia ponere totum
Nefciet
(A) Sumite mater iam veftrisy quifcribitiSf aquam
Viribus.'^^
(i) Ordinis hac virtus ertt, & Venus, aut egofallor^
Ut jam nunc dicat,jam nunc debentia did
Pleraque differ at ^ et pr^fsm in tcmfus t^mittat —
Ti6 TheARTof
(^k) Great is the work, and worthy of the gown.
To bring forth hidden truths^ and make them
known:
Yet in all new opinions have a care.
Truth is too ftrong for fome weak minds to bear :
(/) And are new dotftiines taught, or old feviv'd.
Let them from fcripture plainly be deriv'd.
(«?) Barclay or Baxter, wherefore do we blame
For innovations, yet approve the fame
In WicklifFe and in Calvin ? Why are thefe
Caird wife reformers ? Thofe mad fedljfries ?
'Tis moft unjuft : («) men always had a right, «
And ever will, to think, to fpeak, to write
Their various minds ; yet facred ought to be
The public peace, as private liberty,
(o) Opinions
(k) In verbis etiatn tenuis cautufque fcrendis-—--^
(/) Et nova fiifaque nuper kabebunt verba fidcm, fi
Craco f$nte cadatitj parce detorta,
(«) — ■ Quid autem
CieciJio, Plautoque, dabit Romanos^ ademptum
Virgilio, Varioque ?■
{n) Lictiit , femperque licebit,
Signatum prafente nota procudere nomen,
{o) Ut
PREACHING. 117
(0) Opinions are like leaves which every year
Now flouiifti green, now fall and difappear.
Once the Pope's bulls could terrify his foes,
And kneeling princes kifs'd hi* facred toes j
Now he may damn, or curfe, or what he will.
There's not a prince in chiiftendom will kneel.
Reafon now reigns, and by her aid we hope
Truth may revive, and fickening error droop :
She the fole judge, the rule, the gracious light
Kind heaven has lent to guide our minds aright.
(/) States to embroil, and fa(5lion to difplay.
In wild harangues, Sacheverel fhow'd the way.
(^) The fun'ral fermon, when it firft bega«.
Was us'd to weep the lofs of fome good man $
Now any wretch, for one fmall piece of gold.
Shall have fine praifes from the pulpit fold :
But whence this cuflom rofe, who can decide ?
From prieftly av'ricc ? or from humane pride ?
(r) Truth
(0) Ut S}ha fMs pronos mutantur in annos —
(/») Res gefla reguTftque, ducutnque, & trijlia hella^
Quo fcrtbi pofjent numcro, monjlravit Humerus,
(f) y^^P^^^ tmpartter jundis querivtonia primum,
Poft ettam tnclufa ejt voti fententia C6fnp$s:
Quis tamen exiguos e legos emlferit Mufiotf
Crammatici cert ant. <r adhuc fuh \udw W\ eJV%
ii8 Th E A R T OP
(r) Truth, moral virtue, piety, and peace,
Are noble fubjeds, and the pulpit grace :
But zeal for trifles arm*d ioiperious Laud^
His power and cruelty the nation aw*d.
(j) Why was he honour'd with the name of prieft.
And greateft made, unworthy to be lead,
Whofe zeal was fury, whofe devotion pride.
Power his great god, and intereft his fole guide ?
(/) To touch the paflions let your (lile be plain ;
The praife of virtue afks a higher drain :
Yet fometimes' the pathetic may receive
The utmoft force that eloquence can give $
As fometimes, in eloglums, 'tis the art,
"With plain fimplicity to win the heart.
{«) 'Tis not enough that what you fay is true.
To make us feel it, you muft feel it too :
Show your felf warm'd, and that will warmth
impart
To every hearer's fympathizing heart.
When
(r) Mufa ded'it fid'tbus DivoSfpuerofque Deorum —
^reh'fhcum propria rabies armavit Tambo — —
(i) Cur egOf fi nequeQy ignoroque, poeta falutor ?
Cur nejeire quam difcere malo ?
{i) Verfibus exponi tragicis res comica non vu/t^^^
Jnterdum tamen 6* vocem comctdia tollit ; —
Et tragicus plerumque dolet fermone pedeflri ;
flu) Non fatis ejl pulchra ejfe poemata-^
■ male fi tnandata loqueris
Aui
PREACHING. IJ9
When honeft Fofler virtue does enforce.
All give attention to the warm difcourfe :
But who a cold, dull, lifelcfs, drawling keeps.
One half his audience laughs, the other fleeps.
(x) In cenfuring vice be earneft and fevere ;
In flating dubious points concife and clear ;
Anger requires flern looks and threatening (llle ;
But paint the charms of virtue with a fmile.
Thefe di^Terent changes common fenfe will teach.
And we expedl them from yoju if you preach ;
For (hould your manner differ from your theme,
Or on quite di^erent fubjeds be the fame,
" Defpis'd and laugh'd at, you mufl travel down.
And hide fuch talents in fome country town.
(^) It much concerns a preacher iirft to learn
The genius of his audience, and their turn.
Amongft the citizens be grave and flow ;
Before the nobles let fiie periods flow ;
The Temple church a(ks Sherlock's fenfe and flclll ;
Beyond the tow*r — no matter— what you will.
O) I"
j^ut dormitahOf aut ride ho.
(x) , ' ^ "Triftia merjlum
Vulttim verba decent ; iratum, plena minarum ;
hudenteffiy lafciva ; fever um,feria di^u.
Format enim natura frius nos intus ad $mnef»
Forfunarum habit utn : ^
(j) Inter sr'it muitum divufne iocj^uatur an hcr^s
^T.'^ tarn aw
I20 TheARTof
(2) In fa^fls or notions fetch'd from facred writ
Be orlhodox; nor cavil to (how wit :
fa) Or if your daring genius is Co bold
To teach new do6triac$, or to cenfure old.
With care proceed ; you tread a dangerous path ;
Error eftdblilh'd grows eftablifh'd faith.
*Ti8 eafier much, and much the fafer rule
To teach in pulpit what you learnt at fchool ;
With zeal defend whate'er the church believes.
If you exped to thrive, or wear lawn-fleeves.
(h) Some loudly blufter, and confign to hcli
All who dare doubt one word or fyllable
Of what they call the faith ; and which extends
To whims and trifles without ufe or ends :
(tr) Sure 'tis much nobler, and more like divine,
T' enlarge the path to heaven, than ta confine;
Iijfift alone on ufeful points, or plain ;
And know, God cannot hate a virtuous man.
(^) If
(2) Famattt fcquere
{^u) Si quid mcxpertum fceme commltitj, (j audes
Perjotiam formarc novam ; — ^—
tuque
Rdiiius Iliacum carmen deducts in a^us ■ > ■
(^) l>^ec fie incipieSf ut fcriptar Gjclieus aiim —
ic\ Quanta reifius hie
{J) n,
PREACHING. Ill
(rf) If you expeft or hope that we (hould (lay
Your whole difcourfe, nor ftrive to iliok away ;
Some venial faults there are you muft avoid
To every ag€ and circumftance ally'd.
(^) A pert young ftuJent juft from college
brought.
With many little pedantriei is fraught :
Reafons with ryllogifm, perfuades with wit,
Quotes fcraps of Gretk iudead of fjcrcd writ;
Or deep imniersM in politic debate,
Reforms the church, and guides tlie tottering (late.
(y) Thofe trifles which maturer age forgot,
Kow fome good benefice employs his thought ;
He fceks a patron, and will foon inclirie
To all his aotious civil or divine ;
Studies his principles both night and day,
Aad as that fcripture guides, mufl preach and pray.
L (/) AvVice
{dy T.Uy quid ego iff populus mecum defideret^ audi /
Si plauforis eges aul^a manentisy tr ufque
Sejfuriy donee caiiiuVy vos p/audite, die at i
^tatis cuj ufque notandifunt tibi more^ -
{^) Reddere qui voces jam fcit puer'--'-^
if) Converfis Jiudiisy atas animufque viritii
Qu^irit opss^ <It amicitias ;
n
/
122 Th» A R T or
^g) Av'ric^ and age creep on: hit reverend mind
Begins to grow right reverend! y inclin'd.
Power and preferment (lill fo fweetly call^
The voice of heaven is never heard at all :
Set but a tempting bifhopric in view.
He's flridtly orthodox and loyal too ;
With equal zeal defends the church and ftate^
And infidels and rebels (hare his hate.
(^) Some things are plain, we can't mifunderiland;
Some ilill obfcure, tho* thoufands have explain'd :
Thofe influence more which reafen can conceive.
Than fuch as we thro' faith alone believe ;
In thofe we judge> in thefe you fna/ deceive :
But what too deep Jn myftery is thrown,
The wifeft preachers chufe to let alone.
How Adam's fault affetfls all humaa 0^4 ;
■•-T>-
How three is one^ and one i^ three combin'd ;
How certain prefcience checks not future will ;
And why almighty goodnefs faffers ill ;
Such points as thefe lie far too deep for man^
Were never well explain'd, nor ever can.
(i) If
(^) Multa fenem t'trcumveniunt >
Qi) Aut agitur res In f cents ^ aut aEia refertur :
Segnius irritant animos demljfa per aurem^
Quam qua funt oculis fubjeHa fidelibus, ir qua
Jpfe flit tradit SpeClator. r
— /« avem Procne vertatur, Cadmus in anguem,
QuQdcunque oft end is mihi fie, incredulus odi.
(h) Neve
PREACHING. i2i
(/') If padors more than thrice five minutes preachy
Their (leepy flocks begin to yawn and ftretcb.
(k) Never prefume the name of God to bring
As facred fandion to a trifling thing,
(/) Before, or after fermon, hymns of jxraife
Exalt the foul, and true devotion raife.
la fongs of wonder celebrate his name,
Who fpread the fkies, and built the flurry frame:
Or thence defcending view this globe below.
And praife the fource of eyeryblii ,we know.
^m) In ancient times, when heaven was to be prai^'d.
Our humble anceftors their voices tais'd,
And hymns of thanks frbm grateful bofoms flow'd.
For ills prevented, or for good beftaw'd :.
But aj the church increa^'d in power and ^ride.
The pomp of found the want of fenfe fopply'd ;
Majcfttc organs then were taught to blow.
And plain religion grew a raree-fliow :
L 2 Majeftic
(/) Neve minor, neu fit quint 9 produCiior a^u
Fahula,
iJC) Nee Deus inter fit, nifi dignus vindice nodas
Inciderit : <
(/) j^6i oris partes chorus, officiumque virile^
Defendat
(«?) Tthia non, ut nunc, orichalco vin(fa, tuba que
Mmula ; fed tenuis ^ fipiplexque—-^
Pofiquam cospit agros extendere viClor^ ir urhetn
Latior afnpleHi wurus, vinoque diurno
Placate
y
H4 TheARTof
Strange ceremonious whimS; a numerous race^
Were iotroduc'd^ in truth's and virtue's place.
Myftcrious turnpikes block up heaven's high way^
And, for a ticket, we our reafon pay.
(«) Thcfe fuperftitions quickly introduce . -
Contempt, hegledl, wild fatire, and ahufe ;
R ligion and its priefts, by every fool,
■t
Were thought a jeft, and turn'd to ridicule.
Some few indeed found where the medium lay,
And kept the ♦'coat, but tore the fringe away,
(') Of preaching well if you expc^ the fame.
Jet truth and virtue be your firft great aim.
Your facred function often call to mind.
And think how great the truft to teach mankind*
TU yours in u(eful fermonf to explain,
R >th wjiat we owe to God, and what to mao.
• ris yours the charms of liberty to paint.
His c- untry*s love in every brcafl to plant ;
Yours
Pfac^rt gejj'ws fepis tmfutre ffhhrts ;
Jlccejfit nuniyrisque modijxiue licentia major.
Judo ff us quid en'tm faperct, iiberque labor urn
Rn (lieu 5 J urbano confufns, turpi s hon Jio ?
(;.') Mox ttiam agte/lisSatyres nudavity 4jr afp:r
lucolr.mi gravitate jocum tentavit :
(') Scribcndi reffcyfapere cji or principium if font.
Qjn diaicit Fatri^ quid dcbeat, ^ quid Jmicis ;
* Vide Martin in the Tale of a Tub.
(/>) Ceriluria
PREACHING. 125
Years erery focial virtue to lcnpro7C,
Juftice^ forbearance^ charity, and love ;
Yours too the private virtues to augment,
OF prudence, temperance, modefty, content ?
When fuch the man, how amiable the pried !
Of all mankind the worthieft, and the beiO:.
(/) Tickliih the point, I grants and hard to find.
To pleafe the various tempers of mankind.
Some love yon (hould the crabbed points explain.
Where texts with texts a dreadful war maintain :
Some love a new, and fome the beaten path.
Morals pleafe fome^ and others points of faith ;
But he's the man, he's the admir'd divine.
In whefe difcourfes truth and virtue join ;
Thefe arc the fermons which will ever live.
By thefe our Tonfons and our Knaptons thrive ;
How fuch are read, and prais'd^ and how they fell.
Let Barrow's, Clarke's, and Butler's fermons tell.
(q) Preachers (hould either make us good or wife.
Him that docs neither who but muft defpife f
If all your rules are ufeful, (hort, and plain.
We foon (hall learn them, and (hall long retain ;
But if on trifles you harangue, away
We turn our heads, and laugh at all you fay.
L 3 fr) Bat
^/>) Ceniuria fenhrem agit^nt expertia frugis ;
Cclfi pratereiint aujiefa poemata Ramnes
Omtie tuiit punOum qui m'tfcuit utile dulcL
Leiloretn dclcil^nddy pariterque monetido,^-^
(j) Aut prc^ejfe vQlunt^ aut dtltCxAvt {^ct« —
/-
i:6 TheARTof
(r) But pnefls are men, and men arc prone to err^
On common failings none fhould be fevere ;
All are not mailers of the fa m« good fenfe,
Nor bled with equal powers of eloquence,
* ris true : and errors with an honed mind,
Wm meet with eafy pardon from mankind ;
Put who perfifls in wrong with haughty pride.
Him all muft cenfuie, many will deride,
(j) Yet few arc judges of a fine difcourfe, *
Can fee its beauties, or can feel its force ; ,
With like indulgence fjnie a.ttentive fit,
^o fober reafoning, and to (hallow wit.
What then ? Becaufc your audience moft are fools,
Will you neglecft all methods, and all rules ?
Or fince t}ie pulpit is a facred place.
Where none dare contradi(ft you to your face,
^^'ill you prefume to tell a ihoufand lies ?
If fo, we may foigive, but muft defpife,
[f\ In jingling Bcv'riJge if I chance to fee
One word bf fenfe, I priz^ the rarity :
But
(r) Zu7it deHHa ta7nen^ quibus /g;iovif(f ve/iwus —
[syNcJS quit' is videt immodtdata poemata judex.^^
(f) Stc mihi. qui mnltum cejjatyfit Ch<er'tlus tile,
Qjfejn bis Urve bonum, cum rifu^ miror ; & idepi
Indigtior
PREACHING. 127
But if in Hooker, Sprat, or Tillotfon,
A thought unworthy of themfelves is fhown,
I grieve to fee it ; but 'tis no furprife :
The gr^ateft men are not at all times wife.
(//) Sermons, like plays, feme pie ife us at the ear.
But never will a fcrious reading bear ;
Some in the clofet edify enough^
That from the pulpit feem*d but forry {li>flr.
Tis ihuf : there are who by ill preaching fpoil
Young's pointed fenfe, or Atterbury's ftile;
While others, by the force of eloquf nee.
Make that feem fine, which fcarce is comrt;on fenfe*
(;c) In every fcience, they that hope to rife.
Set great examples ftill before their eyes.
Young lawyers copy Murray where they can;
Phyticians INIead, and furgeons Chefelden :
But all will preach, without the leaft pretence
To virtue, learning, art, or eloquence.
Why not I you cry ; they plainly fee, no doubt,
A prieft may grow right reverend without.
(/) Preacher*
iTtdigmr; quandoque hotius dormltat Homerus*
Verum opere in longo fas eft ohrepere Jomnum.
\u) Ut Pi6furaj poefis erit : qua, fi propius jUsy
Tc caput magis ; & quadam, fi lohgius ahjles,
(x) Ltidere qui nefcit, campejlrihus abftinet armis s —
Qiii ncfcit verfus tarnen nudet finger e. Quid'ni ?
laS TheARTof
(j) Preachers and preaching were at fird defign'd
For common benefit to all mankind.
Public and private virtues they expldin*d|
To goodntft courted, and from vice redraio'd :
Love, peace, and union breath'd in each difcourfe,
And their examples gave their precepts force.
From Ihefe good men, the prieds, and all their line,
Were honoured with the title of divine.
But foon their proud fucceiFors left this path,
Forfook plain morals fur dark points of faith ;
Till creeds on creeds the warring world iniiam'd.
And all mankind, by di^erent prieds^ were damn*d.
(js) Some cfk which is th* efTential of a pried.
Virtue or learning \ VVhat they a(k's a jed ;
We daily fee dull loads of reverend fat,
Without pretence to either this or that.
But who like Hough or Hoadley hopes to (hine.
Mud with great learning real virtue join*
{a) He
Af) Futt hac fapientia qu^ndamy
Public a privatis fecernerCyfacra prof an is ;
Conctibitu prohibere vago, dare jura maritis ;
Oppida moiiri ; leges incidere ligno
— — 5/V honor ^ notnen divinis vatibus, atjue
Carminibus venit, — *—
Polt hos
— — jinimos in triftia be Ha
Verfibus exacuit.
{2) Naturafiertt laudabiU carvzin, an arte,
Qitefitum ejt.
PREACHING. 129
(<«) He who by preaching hopes to raife a name.
To no fmall excellence dire^s his aim.
On every noted.preacher he mufl \yait;
The voice, the look, the a»5Hon imitate r
And when complete in (lile and eloquence,
Muft then crown all with learning and good fenic.
But fome with lazy pride difgrace the gown.
And never g^'cach one fcrmon of their own j
'Tis eaficr to tranfcribe than to compofe,
So all the week they eat, and drink, and dozcu
(^) As quacks with lying puffs the papers fill.
Or hand their own praife to a pocky bill.
Where empty boafls of much fuperior feafe.
Draw frdtn the cheated crowd thdr idle pecce ;
So the great Henley hires for half a crown,
A quack 'advertifenoent to tell the town.
Of fome (Irauge point to be difputed 00 $
Where ail who love the fcicnce of debate.
May hear themfelv^s, or other coxcombs prate.
(<r) When dukes or noble lords a chaplain hire,
They fiifl ofhia capacities enquire.
If
(^) (hit /In Jit opt at am curftt conttngere mttam^
Mf4lta tu lit fecit que puer ; fuJavit <y aljit
{^h) Ut pnrOy dd merces turham qui fogii emsr:d4S,'~^
(^) Rt!.l<s dicunfur niultis urgerc cululitSy
St torqusrc rnero, qnsm perjpcxi^^<i /*^^itrdint^
An
ijo Th E A R T OF, it^c.
If ftoutly qualify 'd to drink and fmoke,
If not too nice to bear an impious joke \
If tame enough to be the common jcfl.
This is a chaplain to his iord(hip*8 tade,
(</) If bards to Pope indifferent verfes (how.
He is too honed not to tell them fo.
This is obfcure, he cries, and thjs too rough,
Thcfe tridingy or fuperfluous ; ftrike them off.
How ufcful every word from fuch a friend !
But parfons are too proud th^ir works to mend.
And every fault with arrogance defend :
Think them too facred to be criticised,
And rather chufe to let them be defpis'd.
[e) He that is wife will not prefume to laugh
At priefts, or church affairs ; it is not fafe*
Hiink there exifts, apd let it check your fport.
That dreadful monfter callM a fp'ritual court.
Into whofe cruel jaws if once you fall.
In vain, alas ! in ▼aiD> for aid you call :
Clerks, prodors, priefts, voracious round you ply.
Like leeches ftickiUg till they've fuck'd you dry.
j^/t fit amicttla dignus ;
(^) Vir bonus ^ prudem, verfus rtprehendet inertes-
amhiihfa recidet
Ornamcnia ; farum ciaris lucem dare coget :
{e) Ut, mala quern f cables aut morbus regius urget,
j^utfanatictts error ^ isr tracunda Diana,
Vefanum tefegljje tlm:nt,fugluntquepottam,
Qui faplunt :
Quern vero arrlpult, tenet, occidltque legendo,
t^gn mljfura cutem nlji plena cruorls hirudo*
THE
ART OF COOKERY;
Ik imitation of
HORACE'S
ART OF POETRY.
WITH SOME
LETTERS
T O
Dr lister, and Others, 6v«
C 133
T H E
I
PUBLISHER
T O T H E
\
READER,
IT is now a days the hard fate of fach as pre-
tend to be authors, that they are not permit-
ted to be mailers of their own works ; for if fuch
papers (however imperfec^t) as may be called a
copy of them, either by a fervant, or any other
means cobie into the h^nds of a bookfeller^ he
never confiders whether it be for the per fon*s re-
putation to come into the world, whether it is
agreeable to his fentiraents, whether to his ftile
or correct nefs, or whether he has for (bnie time
looked over it; nor doih he care what name or
character he piiis to it, fo he imagines he may
get by it.
It was the fate of the following poem to be
fb ufed, and printed with as much imperfecftion,
and as many midakes, as a boukfcllcf that has
common (eiife could imagine fhoald pals upon
the town, efpecially in an age fo polite and cri-
tical as the prefent.
Thefe following letters and poem were at
the prefs fome time before the other paper pre-
tending to the fame title- had crept out : And
they had elfe, as the learned fay, groaned unde^
tKe prefs till fuch time as the (heets had one by
biie been perufed and corretXed, rvo^ ^wV^ V^ x^^
I
134 The PUBLISHKR^?^^.
author, but his friends, whofe judgment a^ he is
fenfible he wants, fo he is proud to own that they
(bmetinies condefcend to afford him.
For, many faults that at iirft feem finall, yet
create unpardonable errors, when the number of
the verfe turns upon, the harfhoefs of a fyllable^
and the laying (Irefs upon improper words, will
make the moft correct piece ridiculous : Fa l(e
<x>ncord, tenfes and grammar, nonfenfe, impro.
pi:!iety and confufion, may go down with foAie
per(bns; but it fhould not be in the power of a
bookfeller to lampoon an author^ and tell him
you did write all this ; I have got it, and you
fhall (land to the fcandal, and 1 will have the
benefit: Yet this is the pr^efent cafe, notwith-
(landing there are above threefcpre faults of this
nature, verfes tranfpofed, (bme added, others al-
tered, and near forty omitted. The author does
not value himfelf upon the whole; but if he
fliews his efteem for Horace, and can by any
means provoke perfons to read fo ufeful a trea-
tife; if he (hews his averlion to the introduction
of luxury, which may tend to the corruption of
manners, and decU.re his love to the old Britifh
hofpitality, charity and valour, when the arms
of the family, the old pi^cs^ inuikets and halberds
were httng up in the hall over the long table,
'.^tvhcQ the marrow^ bones lay on the floor, and Chevy
Cbace, and the old' Courtier of the ^een, were
placed over the carved mantle-piece, and the
beef and brov^n-bread were carried every day tp
the poor, he defires little farther, than that the
reader would for the future give jiU fach book^
fellers as are before fppke pf no manner of en'-
<:wra£ement.
LETTEIJRS
C »35 3
L E T T E R S
T O
Dr lister, and Others.
To Mr — — .
Dear Sir,
THE happiBcfs of hearing now and then
from yon extremely deligbi» ihc; for^ I
xnofl: confefs, moft of my other friends are fb
inach taken up with politics, or fpeculations, that
either their hopes, or fears, give them little lei-
fure to peruie fuch parts of learning as lie rd-
inote, and are fit only for the clofets of the cu-
rious. How bleft are you at Londtm, where yoii
have new books of all forts ! whilft we at a great-
^r diftance; being deflitute of fuch improvc-
nient^y road content ourfelves with the old
ftore, and thamb the claflics, as if we were ne-
ver to get higher than our Tolly or our Virgil.
You tantalize me only, when you tell me of
the edition of a book by the ingenious Dr Lider,
which you fay is a treatife de condimenth <&• op"
foniis veteriAtn, *' of the fauces and foups.of the
ancients,** as I take it. Give me leave to ufe an
expreffion, which, though vulgar, yet upon this
occafion is juft and proper, you have made my
mouth water, but haye not fent me wherewithal
to fittsfy ray appetite.
I have raifed a thoufand notions to myfelf on-
ly from the title : Where could fuch a tre^Cvix^
136 LETTERS T©
lie hid? What manurcripts have been collated?
Under what emperor Was it vcrote ? Mi^lil it not
have been in the reign of liehogabalus^ who
though vicious, and in fome things fantadical,
yet was not incurious in the grand affair of eaU
ifig ?
Confidcr, dear Sir, in what uncertainties we
muft remain at prefent; yoa know my neighbour
Mr Creatorix is a learned antiquary ; I fhewed
him your letter^ which threw him into fuch a
dubioufnefs, and indeed perplexity of mind, ^that
the next day he durft not put any catchup in his
fifli-fauce^ nor have his beloved pepper^ oil and
iimon with his partridge, left, before he had feen
Dr Li(ler*s book,, he might tran(grefs in uGng
Something not common to the Ancients*
' Difpatch it therefore to us with all fpeed, for
I expedt wonders from it. Let me tell you; I
-hope, in tlie iirft placid, it wlll^ in forae meaiure,
remove the barbarity -of our prefent education :
-For "what hopes can there be of any progrefs in
learning, whilft i5ur gentlemen foifer their (bus
at Weffminfter, Eaton, and W'inchefler to eat
nothing but fait with their mutton, and vinegar
with their roaft beef upon holidays? What ex-
lenfivenefs can there be in their fouls ? llfpeciai-
ly, when upon their going thence to the nni-
verfity, their knowledge in culinary mutters \s
feldom enlarged, and their diet conjinues very
much the fame; and as to fauces they are 'u\
profound ignorance.
it were to be wiflied therefore, that every fa-
mily had a. French tutor-, for, bcfides his being
groom, garcjiaer^ butler, and valet, you would
Ice that he is endued with a greater accomplifli-
ment; for, according to an ancient author, quot
Galli,totidemco^uij *' Af many Frtnchmcn as you
ha^e
Dr L I S T E R, and Others. 137
have, Jo many, cooks you may depend upon;^* which
is very ufeful where there is a numerous iffue 2
And I doubt not but with iuch tutors^ and good
houfe-keeperSy to provide cake and fweet-meanr^
together with the tender care of an indulgent
[ mother/ to fee that the children eat and drink
every thing that they call for; I doubt not, I
fay, but we may have a warlike and frugal gen-
try, a temperate and auftere clergy; and fuch
perfofis of quality, in all ftations, as may beft un-
dergo the JatigUes of our fleets and armies. «
Pardon me, Sir, if I hreak off abruptly, for I
am going to Monfieur d' Avaux, a pcrfon famous
for cafing the /00/Z^'^^A by avuljion; he has pro-
mifed to (hew me how to (Irike a lancet into the
jugular of a carp, fo as the blood may iffue thetice
with the greated effufion, and then will inftant-
ly perform the operation of ftewing it in its own
blood, in the prefcncc of myfelf, and feveral
more viriuoji,' But let him ufe .what claret he
will in the performance, I will fecurt enough to
^irink your health, and the refl of your friends.
I remain, Sir, &c.
To Mr
SIR,
I' Shall make bold to claim your promife, in
. your laft obliging letter, to obtain ^he happi-
nefs of my correfpondencc with DrLifter; and to
that end haVe fent you the inclofed, to be com-
municaied to him; if you think convenient.
M 3 To
133 LETTER S rb
To Dr Lifter, prefent.
SIR,
I AM a plain man, and therefore never nfe
cotnpliments; but I muft tell you, that I have
a great ambition to hold a correfpondence wiiU
you, efpecially that I njray beg you to communi-
cate your remarks from the ancients , concerning-
ir/^//^/-/^a//>j*, vulgarly called tooth-picks. I take
the ufe of them, to have been of great antiquity^
and the original to come from the in(lin(^^ of na-
ture, which is the beft miflrefa upon all occafions.
The Egyptians were a people excellent for their
philolbphical and mathematical obfervations ;
they fearched into all the fprings of action; and
■though I mud condemn their fuperftition, I can-
not but applaud their invention^. This people
bad a vaft diftridl that worfhipped the Crocodile^
which is an animal, whofe jaws being very ob-
long, give him the opportunity of having a great
many teeth; and his habitation and budnefs \y»
lag moft in the water, he, like our modern
Dutch-whitfters in Southwark, had a very good
(lomach, and was extremely voracious. It is cer-
tain that he had the water of Nile always ready,
and coufequently the opportunity of waQiing his
moutK after meals; yet he had farther occafioa
for other infiruments to cleanfe his teeth, which
are ferrate, or like a faw. To this end nature
has provided an animal called the Jnchneumo^i^
which performs this office, and is f<> maintained
by the produA of its own labour. The Egypti-
ans feeing fuch an ufeful fagacity in the Croco-
dile which they^fo much reverenced, foon- began
to imitate it; great examples cafily drawing the
multitude^ fo that it became their constant cuf-
tom to pick their teeth; and \ya{h their mouths
after
Dr L I S T EB, a?id Others. 139
after eaiing. I cannot find in Marfham's Dyna-
flies, nor in tile Fragments of Manetbon^ what
year of the uioon (for I hold the Egyptian
years to have been /ww^r, that is, but of a month's
continuance)^ fo venerable an ulage firfl began :
For it is the fault of great philologers to omit
foch things as are mod material. Whether Se-
(bftris ill his large conquefts might extend the
u(e of them, is as uncertain ; for the glorious ac-
tions of thofe ages lie very much in the dark: It
is very probable that the public ufe of them came
in about the fame time that the Egyptians made
ufe of Juries, I find in the preface to the Third
Part of .Modern Reports, " That the Chaldecs
* had a great eftcem for the number twelve, be-
' caufe there were fo many (ignsof the Zodiac;
' from them this^umbcr came to the Fgyjjiians,
' and Co to Greece, where Mars hinifelf was tried
' for a murder, and was acquitted. '' Now it does
not appear upon record, nor any 'Jlone that I
have ictn, \\ heiher the Jury clubbed, or whether
Mars treated them at dinner, though it is mofl:
likely that he did ; for he was but a quarrelfbme
fort of perfon, and probably, though acquitted^
snight be as guilty as count Coningfmark. Now
. the cuilom of Juries dining* at an eaiing-houTe,
and having gl a (Tes of water brought ihera with
tooth- picks, tinged with vermillion fwimming at
the top, being, ftil] continued, why may we not
imagine, that the tooth-picks were as ancient as
the dinner,' the ^linner as the juries, and the juries
at lead as the grand. children of Miizraim? Ho-
mer makes his heroes - feed fo^grofly, that they
feem to have had more occafion for ikewers than
goofe-puills. He is y/ty tedious in dcfcribing a
.(Vnith^s forge, and an anvil; -Whereas he. might
liiave been more polite in (etting out the tooths
J... '^\0^-cbSa.
140 LETTERS to
pick-cafe, or painted fnufF-box of Achilles^ if that
age had not been Co barbarous as to want them.
And here 1 cannot but confider, that Athens in
the time of Pei ides, when i( flouridied uioft in
fumptuous buildings, and Piome in its height of
empire^ from Augudus down to Adrian, had oo*
thing that equalled the Royal or New Exchange,
or Pope's-head Alley, for curiofiiies and toyfliops;
neither had their fenate any thing to alleviate
their debates concerning the affairs of the uni-
verfe like raffling fo me times at colonel Parfbns*.
Although the Egyptians often extended their
conqueds into Africa and li.thiopia, and though
the Cafre Blacks have very fine teeth ; yet I can-
not find that they make ufe of any fuch inftrn*
nient; nor does Ludolfqs, thoi^gh very exacHt as
to the Abyffine empire, give any account of a
matter fo important* for which he is to blame, as
1 fhall Hicw in my treaiife of forks 2nd napkin f^ of
which I (hall fend you an elfay with all expedi-
tion. I iliall in that treatifi? fully illud rate, or
confute this paflage of Dr lieylin, in the third
book of his Cofmograpby, where he fays of the
Chinefe, ** That they eat their meat with two
* flicks of ivory, ebony, or^he like ; not touching
* it with their hands at all, and therefore no
* great foulers of lineo., The ufe of filver forks
* with us, by fome of our fprucie gallants taken up
* of Uie, came frona hence into Italyy and from
' thence into Kngland." I cannot agree with
this learned doc5lor in many of thcCe particulars.
For, firft the ufe of thefe flicks is not fo much to
five linen, as out of pure necejQSty, which arifes
from the length of their nails., which perfons of ~
great quality in thof<P conn tries ^^^ear at a prodi-
gious length, to prevent allpoffibility of working,
<ari«ei/7j'/i'mceaJ^Jc »^o,theiafclvta or oi\x€t^\ w^-
Dr lister, and Others. 141
therefore if they would, ihey could not eafily
feed therafelves v\ith thofe claws; and I have ve-
ry good authority that in the £a(l, and efpecially
in Ja^pan, the princes have the meat put into
their mouths hy their attendants. Befides, thefe
flicks are of no ufe but for 'their fort of meat,
which being pilau , is all boiled to rags. But, what
would thofe flicks fignify to carve a turkey-cock,
or a chine orbcef? .Therefore our forks are of
quite different (hape ; the ftetl ones are iidental,
aiwl the filver generally refembling tridents ;
VI hich makes me thirik them to be as ancient as
the Saturnian race, where the former is appropri-
ated to Pluto, and the latter to Neptune. It is
certain that Pedro Dello Valle, that famous Ita-
lian traveller, carried his knife and fork into the
JEaft-Indies, and he gives a large account how, at
•the court of an Indiail prince, he was admired for
his neatnefs in tliat particular, and his care in
^wiping that, and his knife, before he returned
thera to their refpc\Flive repoCtories. I could
:wifh Dr Wotton, in the next edition of his wio-
-dern learning, would (hevv us how much we are
:jmproved fince Dr Heylin's time, and tell us the
original of ivory-knives, with which young heirs
4ire fiiffered to mangle their own pudding; as
likewife of iilver and gold knives, brought in
with the defert for carving jellies and orange'
IfUtter; and rhe indifpenfible necelliiy of n /liver
knife' 2Li the fide board,, to .mingle fallads with,
as is with great learning made out in a treaiifc
called Aceiaria, concerning drejjlng of fall ads ^
A noble work ! But I tranfgrefs
And yet pardon me, good Dodior, I had al-
/inofl: forgot a thing that I would not have don£
iiit the world, it is fo remavklbVe, \ \\\v^\^K!»»c^
142 L E T T E R S TO
be pt^iive from this verfc of Javcnal, where he
(peaks of the Egyptians,
Porrum & cwpe nefas violare, & frarigere
morfu.
That it wa3 facrilege to chop a leek, or bite an
enion: Nay, I believe that it amounts, to a de*
monftrajiion, that Pharaoh-Necho could have no
true lenitn porri^e, nor any Carrier's fauce to
his mutton; the true receipt of making which
fauce I have from an ancient IMS. reiijiaining at
the Bull-Inn in Bifhopfgatc-ftrcet, which runs
thus: ** Take feven fpobnfuls of fpring-water;
* flice two oniotrs of moderate fize into a large
' faucer, and put in as much fait as you can hold
* at thrice betwixt your fore-finger and thumb,
* if large^ and fcrve it up/' Probdtum efi; Hob^
fon, carrier to the univerfity of Cambridge.
The effigies ot that worthy perfon remains
fiill at that inn^ and I dare fay, that not only
H^^fbn, but old Birch, and many others of that
mufical and delightful profeifion, would rather
have been labourers at the pyramids with that
Regale, than to have reigned at Memphis, and
have been debarred of it. I br^ak off abruptly.
Believe me an admirer of your worth, and a fol-
lower of your methods towards the iucreafe of^
learning, and more efpecally.
Yours, &€.
To Mr — .
SIR,
I AM now very ferioufly employed in a work
that, I hope, may be nfeful to the public,
which is a poem of the Jrt of Cookery, in imi-
tation of Horace's Art of Poetry, infcribed to
Dr
Dr lister, and Others. 143
Dr Lifter, as b oping it may be in tim^ read as a
prcliiwinary to bis works: but I have not vanity
enongb to ibink it will live fo long, \ have in
the mean time fent you an imitation of JHoracc's
invitation of Torquatus to fupper, which is the
fifth epiftle of his rirfl: book. Perhaps you will
find fb many faults in this, that you may fave me
the trouble of my other proposal ; but however
take it as it is.
If Belville can his gen'rous foul confine
To a fmall room, few diifhes and forae wine,
I fliall expeiTi my happinefs at nine*
Two bottles of fmooth palm^ or Anjou white, .
Shall give a welcome, and prepare delight.
Then for the Bourdeaux you may freely aft,
Sut the Chanjpaigne is to each man bis fiafk*
I tell you with what force I keep the field.
And if yon can exceed it, fpeak, PU yield.
The fnovir-white daniaik enfigns are difplay'd.
And glittering falver^ on the fide-board, laid.
Thus w^Ml difperfe all bufy thoughts and cares,
The general's counfels, and the ftatefman's fears:
Norlhall flee{) reign in <ch at precedent night,
"Whofe joyful hours lead on the glorious light,
Sacred to Sritilh worth in Blenheim's fight.
Xhe bleflings of good fortune fecra refus'd,
Unlefs fometimes witji generous freedouj u&'d*
144 L E T T E R S TO
'Tis niajdnefsy not frugality, prepares
A vaft excefs of wealth for fquand'ring hetrs,
MuA I of neither wine nor mirth partake,
Left. the cenforious world {hould call me rake?
Who, unacc][uainted with the gen'rous wine,
E^er fpoke bold truths, or framM a great ^defign?
That nukes os fancy ev'ry face has charms;
That gives us courage, and then finds us arms:
Sees care diflburd'ned, and each tongue employed.
The poor grown rich, and ev'ry wifli enjoyed.
This I'll perform, and promife, you (hall fee,
A cleanlinefs from affecftation free :
No noife, no hurry, when the meat's fct on.
Or when the difh is changed, the fervants gone ;
For all thhigs ready, nothing more to fetch,
Whatever you want is in the mafter's reach.
Then for the company I'll fee it chofe,
•
Their emblematic fignal is the ro/Jr.
If you of Freeman's raillery approve,
Of Cotton's laugh, and Winner's tales of love;
And Bellaijps' charming voice may he iallow'd.
What can you hope for better from a ciowd?
But I fliall not prefcrihe; confult your eafe.
Write back your men, and number as you pleafe:
Try your back-ftairs, and let the lobby wait •
A ftralagem in war ;s no deceits
I am, Sir, yours, &c.
•♦ J
Dr LISTER, and Othlrs. 145'
To Mr — .
HEIRE fend yon what I protnifed, a difcourfe
of Cookery, after the method which Horace
IS taken ia his Art of Poetry, which J^ have all
ong kept in my view ; for, Horace certainly is
I author to be imitated in the delivery of pre*
ptjf for any art or fcienoe: He b indeed (evere
)on bur fort of learning in fome of his Satyrs ;
It even there he indrudts, as in the fourth Sa«
r of the (eicond Book ;
Longa quibus facies ^vls erit, ilia memento,
Ut Jucci melioris, & ut magis alba rotundir,
Ponere ; namque Marem cohibent callofa vi*
ullum. *i
** Choofe eggs oblong, remember they'll be
found
" of fweeter tafte, and whiter than the
round ;
*^ The firmnefs of that (hell includes the
mal^.*'
am much of his opinion, and could otily witkk
lat the world was thoroughly informed of two
ther truths concerning eggs : One is, how m^
3];nparably better roajied eggs are than boiled;
ae other, never tp cat any butter with eggsm
ic /hell: You cannot imagine how much more
ou will have of their flavour, and how^much
afier they will' fit upon' your fibwach. The
worthy pcrfon who recommended it taine made
lany profelytes; and I have the vanity to think
liat I have not been altogether unfuccef^f«L 7
I have in this poem, ufed a. plain, ea(y, famiJi^
r ftile, as mod fit for precept; neither have I ^
een too.exadi an imitator of Horace, as he him-
slf dire As. I have n«t confuhed au^. \i^ ^oSa
Mf, L E.T T E R S To,
tranflators, neither Mr Oldham, who(e copbaf.
nefs runs into paraphrafe ;. nor Ben Johnlbn, who
is admirable for his clofe following of the origi-
nal I nor yet the lord Rofcommon, fo excellent
for the beanty of his language, and his penetra-
tion into toe very defign and foul of that author.
I confider/ed, that I went upon a new undertak-
ing; aind though I do not value myfelf upon it as
much as Lucretius did, yet I dare fay it is more
innocent apd inoffenfive.
Sometimes, when Hoface'&rules come too thick
and fcntentious, I have fo far taken liberty as to
ptafi over Come of them ; for I confider the na-
ture and temper of cooks, who are not of the mod
patient difpofition, as their under-iervants too
often experience* I wi(h I might prevail with
them to moderate their paffions, which win be
the greater conqueft, feeing a continual heat is
added to their native fire.
Amidft the variety of dire<ftions which Horace
gives us in hts Art of Poetry, that is one of the
nioft accurate pieces that he or any other author
has wrote> there is a fecret connecfiion in reality,
thoughr he does not exprefs it too plainly, and
therefore this imitation of it haj, many breaks in
it. If fiich aa (hall conde^end to read this
Poem, would at the (ame timd confult Horace's
original Latin, orfume of the forcofientioned tranfl
lators, they would find at leaft this benefit,
that they woirid recoHe(5t tfaofe excellent inflruc-
fions which be delivers to us in fuch elegant
language. ^
\ could wi(h the. mafier and wardens of the
scoks company would order this Poem to be read
with 3ue confideration; for it is not lightly to be
run over, (eeing it contains many ufeful inftruc-
^ns for human lifot It is tnie,» that fome of
thcfe
^Dr LISTER^ and Others. 147
ifaeie rul^s may feem more principaHjr fo rcipc^
the fteivard, clerk of the kitchen, C0ter0rf or per»
baps the butler. Bat the cook being the princi*
pal perfbn^ without whom all the reft will be lit»
tie regarded, they are dire<5led tp him^ and the
work being defigned for the tiniverfdl good, it
will acco^plifh fome part of its intent^ if ihoA^
fort of people will improve by it.
It may happen in this, as in all works of arl^
that thete may be (bme terms not obvious to
common readers, but they are not many. The
reader may not have a juft idea of vi fuiol^d mut- '
ton, which is a (heep roafted in its wool, to fave
the labour of fleaing. Bacon stnd filtert-tart J arc
(bmething unufual, but &xtce fprout tarts smA pi'
ftachio tarts are much the fame thing, and to be
(een in, Dr Salmon's Family Dictionary; thofe
perfons who have a deiire for them, may eafily
find the way to make them. As for grouty it is
an old Danifh diHi, and it is claimed as an ho*
Hour to the antient family of ■ , to carry a
difli of it up at the coronation. K dwarf pfe
^ was pre pared for king Jaines the firfi, when Jef<-
frey his dwarf rofe out of one ^rn^ed with a
fword and buckler, and is fb recorded in hiftory,
that there are few but know it. Though mfiYi"
nated fijh, hippocrai atnd ambigues are known to
.all that deal in cookery, yet terrenes are not fo
ufual, being a iilver veilel filled with the mpft^
codly dainties after the manner of an oglio^ f^0
furprize is likewife a difli nojC fo very common,
which promifing little from its firft appearance,
when Open, abounds with all forts of variety ;
. which I canpot better refemble than to the fifth
adl of one of our modern 4:omedies. Left Mon-
teth. Vinegar, Tbaliefien, aud Boflu, (hould be
taken for dillies of rarities, it may be kno^n^ th^t.
m
148 L E T T E R S, ' TO
Monteth was a gentleman witii a fcalloped ce^t^
that Vinegar keeps the ring at Lincoln's Inn-
fields, Thalteflen was one of the moft antient
bards amongft the Britons, and Boflu one of the
moft certain inftracftors of crittcifin that this lat-
ter age has produced.
I hope it will not be taken ill by the wits, that
1 call my cooks by the title of ingenious ; for I
.\rannot imagine why cooks ihay not be as well Vead
as any othei* perfbns: I am fore their apprentices,
of late years, have had very great opportunities
of improvement ; and men of the firft pretences
to literature have been very liberal, and lent in
' their contributions very largely : They have been
ycry ferviceable both to fpit and oven, and for
thefe twelve months paft, whilft Dr Wotton,
with \k\% modern ieartiingf wastiefending pye-cruji
from fcorching, his dear friend Dr Bentely, with
'his Phalaris, has been fingeing of capons. Not
that this was occafioaed by any fuperfluity or te-
'dioufnefs of their writings, or mutuarcommenda-
tions'; but it Was found out by fbme worthy pa*
triots, to make the labours of the two do&ors, as
far as poffible, to become ufefal to the public.
Indeed cookery has an influence upon mens ac-
tions even in the higheft ftations of human life.
The great philofopher Pythagoras, in his Gol-
den Verfes, (hews faimfelf to be extremely nicp
in eating, when he makes it one of his chief prin-
ciples of morality to abftain from beans. The
nobleft foundations of honour, juftice and integri-
ty were found to lye hid in turnips, as appears iur
that great didator Cincinnatus, who went from
the plough to the commandof the Roman army;
and having brought home victory, retired to his
cottage .* For when the Samnite ambafladors
came thither to" him, wiih a large bribe, and
- found
N
Ur LI S Tli R, and Others. 149 -
»;
' foand him dreffing turnips for his repaft, they
Immediately returned with this fentetice, **That
' it was iimpoffible to prevail upon him that
* could be contented with fuch a fupper.** In
(horty there are no honorary appellations but
%vbat may be made u(e of to cooks ; for I find
throughout the whole race of Charlemain^ that
the great cook of ;che palace was «ne of- the
prime minifters of (latey and condscflor of armies:
So true is that maxim of Paulus .^EUnilins^ after
his glorious expedition into Greece^ when be
was to.entertam the Roman people: ** That
' there was equal {kill required to brine an army
* into the fields and to fct forth a magnificent
^ entertainment; fince the one was as far as po&
*• fiUy to annoy your enemy, ^nd the 4ither to
^ pleafure your friend/' In fhc^l't, as for all per-
{qns that have not a ^ue regard for the learned^
induftriousy moral, upright, and warlike pfofelfion
of cookery f may they live as x\^e antient inhabit
tants of Pnerte Venrura, one of the <lanary It
lands, where they facing To barharous as to make
the mod contemptible perfon to be then* butcher,
they rhad Itkewiie their meat ferved sp raw, be-
caufe (they bad no fire to dtefs it; and I take
this to be a condition bad enough of all confci**
cnce« ^
As this fmaU eflay finds acceptance, Tfliall be
encouraged to purfne a great defign I have \^
band of puhiifhifig a Bibliotbeca 4[!tt)]|iaria', or the
Qn6k?% Complete Library, which Jball begit^
with a Tranflatiou, or at heail an JCpitome ef fi^
thenaeos, mho treats of all things belengiiig to v^
Grecian £eaft : He ihall be publiihed withati bift
comments, trfefal gloffes; and indexes of a laft
.copioufnefs, with czrts of the h^ing^adlej , 4rip^
ping-pans^sLud drudging-^xesy &c«. tox^V^ 4?Q%xaifc^^
I50 LETTERS to
at Rome out of an old fubterranean fcullety. 1
defign to have all authors in all lanmiages upon
that fubjedt ; therefore pray confult what arien*
tal manuj^ripts you have: I remember Erfnius,
in his notes upon Lockman's Fables (whom I take
to be the fame perfon with jflElbp), gives ns an
admirable receipt for making the fower-nfilk.
that is, <\ie bonny-clabber of the Arabians. I
fliould be glad to know how JMahomet ufed to
have his fhoulder of mutton dreffed; I have
heard be was a great lover of that joint, and
that a maid of an inn poifoned him with one,
faying, ** If he is a prophet he will difcover it,
* if he is an impoftor, no matter .what hecomes
'* of him.^' . I (hall have occafion for the afli-
ilance of all my, friends in this great work. I,
Tome pofts ago, defired a friend to enquire what
manufcripts SioL Harding, a famous cook^ may
have left behind hikn at Oxford. He fays, he
finds among his executors feveral admirable bills
of fare for Ariftotle-fuppers, and entertainments
of country llrangers, with certain prizes accord-
ing to their ieveral feafbns; he fays, fome pages
have large black trofles drawn over them, bat
for the greater part the boqks are fair and legible.
Sir, I would beg you to fearch Cooks-hall,
what manufcripts they may liave in their ^r- *
rbives: See what In Cruild-hall: 'What account
of cufiardinihc Sword-bearers Office : How ma-
ny tun he, a common crier, or a common hunt
may eat in their life-time. But I tranfgrefs the
bpnnds t>f a letter, and have ftrayed from my ^
ihbje^, which (hould have been to beg you to
read the following lines, when you are inclined
to be miiift favourable to your friend; for elfe they
win never J^e able to endure your juft cenfure: I
Yely upon ;;^(iur food nature, and I am.
/.. ^our moft obliged y Src.
Dr LISTER, and Others. x$t
To Mr .
«
Dear Sir,
I HAVE reflected upon the difcourfe I had
with you the other day, and upon ferious con*
iideralion find, that the true underftanding of
of the whole Art of Cookery^ will be ufeful to all
perfbns that pretend to the belles lettres, and
efpecially to poets.
I do not find it proceeds from any enmity of
the cooks J but it is rather the fault of their 772^
terSy that poets are not Co w^ll acquainted with ^
good eatings as otherwife they might be, if of-
tener invited ; However, even in Mr d'Urfey'a
prefence, this I would be bound to fay, that a
good dinner is brother to a good poem ; otily it is
ibmething more fubftantial; and between two
and three o'clock more agrieeable*
I have known a fupper make the mod divert-
ing part of a comedy : Mr Betterton, in the Lu
iertine, has (at very gravely with the leg of a
chicken ; but I have feen Jacomo very merry,
9Bd eat very heartily of peafe^ and buttered eggs
under the table. The Hoji in the Villain^ who
carries tables, ftools, furniture and provifions all
about him, gives great content to the fpecftators,
^hen from the crown of his hat he produces his
cold capon; fo Amarillis (or rather Parthenope,
as I take it) in the Rebearfaly with her wine in
her fpear, and her pye in her helmet; and the
rooi^.that flobbers his beard with fack-poflet, in
the Matfs the Mafter^ have, in my opinion,
made the moft diverting pari of the adiion.
Thefe e«ibelli(hments we have received from
our imitation <>f the anttent poets: Horace, ia
his fatyrs, m^kes Mecaenas very merry with the
recoUeAion t)f the «Du(hal cntertaaiimeiit ^^^
^S%^ X- E T T E R S TO
dUlies given him by Nafidienus; and with hit'
raillery upon garlic in his third Epode. The
fupper of Petronius, with all its machines and
contrivances^ gives us the mod ^lively defcriptioit
of Nero*s luxury. Javctial fpends a whole fatyr
about the price and drefling of a fingleiilhy with
the judgment of the Roman fenate concerning it»
Thus, whether ferious or jocole, good eating it
made the fubjedl and ingredient of poetical ei>-
itertainments.
I think all ^o^fj agree that fj^zybi^j' are to be
interwove in their poems with the greateft nice-
ty of art; and fo it is the fame thing at a good
table: and yet I have feen a very good epifode
(give me:leave to call it fo) made, by fending out
'the leg of a goofe, or tlie gizzard of a turkey to
•he broiled: Though I know that critics, with 9
good ftoroachy have been offended that the uni-
ty of adtiou '(hould be fo far broken. And yet»
as in our plays, fo at our common taUes, many
epifodes are iaDowed^ as^ flicing of cucumbers^
dreffing of faliads, feafoning the infjde of a (ir**
loin ^f bt^(^ breaking lobfters claws, Hewing
wild ducks, ^toafttng of cheefe, legs of larks> anit
feveral others.
A poet^ who by proper expreffions, and p]ea&
ing images, is to lead us into the knowledge oT
of neceifary truth, may delude his audience ex-
trenrely, and indeed barbaroufly, unk& he has
fome knowledge of this Art of Cbokerf^ and th«
progrefs of it. Would it not (bund ridiculous to
hear A^^^^'^^^'* ^^^ Great comrmand his can*
non to be moan ted, and to throw red-^hot bullets
-out of bis mortar^piects-^ -Or to have IHtatira talk
ioS tape jit y hangings ^ which all the learned know^
<t¥ere many years after hrr^death, firft hutig up
ia the hall of King Attalus? jSbould Sir John
JFaiftaff
Dr L I S T E R, and Others. 153
Falftaff* complain of having dirtied his filk flocks
i«j;'/, or Anoe of Boleyn call for her coach ^ would
an audience endure it? When all the world
knows that Queen Elizabeth wa^ the firft. that
had her coachy or wore filk fioc kings :'. Keither
can a poet put hops in an £ngliihinan's drink be-
fore herefy came in : Nor can he ferve him with a
difh of carps before that time : He might as well
give King James the firft a difli (>i dfparagus upon
his firft coming to London^ which- were not
brought into England till many years after ; or
xnake Owen Tudor prefent Queen Catherine —
with a fugar-loafy whereas he might as eafily
have given her a diamond as large ; feeing the
icein^ 6f cakes at Wood ftrect cornet, and the
refining of fugar^ was but an invention of two
hundred years Handing, and before that time our
anceftorsfweeteiled and garniflied all with honey,
of which there are (bme remains : In Windfor
Bowls, Baron Bracks, and large Sironels fent for <
prjefents from Litchfield.
But now, on the contrary, it would fhcw his
reading, if the poet put a hen-turkey upon the
table in a Tragedy; and therefore I would advife
it in Hamlet, inftead ofiheir painted trifles; and
T believe it would give more faiisfa<Stion 10 the
jiSors. For Diodorus Siculus reports, how the
(ifters of Meleagcr, or Diomedes, mourning for
their brother, were turned into hen turkeys ; from
whence proceeds their ftatelinefs of gate, referv-
ednels in converfation, and melancholy in the
tone of their voice, and all their adlons. But this
would be the moft improper meat in the world
for a cotnedy ; for melanchply and diftrefs re-
quire a different fort'of diet, as well as language;
and I have heard of a fair lady, that Was pleafed
to fay^ that if (he was upon a ftrange coa^d^ -^xn:^
i
1^4 LETTERS to
driven to great neceflityy (he believed (he might/
for once, be able to fup upon a fack fojjet an4 ft
fat, capon* '
I am fure poets ^ as well as cooks^ are for ha v*
iug all words nicely chofeny and properly adapt-
ed ; and therefore I believe they would (hew the
i(a me regret that I do^ to hear peribns off fbme
rank and quality, fay, *' Pray cut up that goofe:
* Help me to fome of that chicken, hen, or.ca«
* pon, or half that plovei •/* not confidering how
. indifcreetly they talk before men of art, whole
proper terms are, ** Break that goofe, fruft that
* chicken : fpoil that hen : fauce that capon :
' mince that plover: If they are fb much out m
coramoa things, how much more will they bp
with bitterns^ herons, cranes^ and peacocks / But
it is vain for us to cornpUiu of the faults and er«
rors of the world, unlefs we lend our helping
hand to retrieve them^
To conclude, our greateft author of dramatic
poetry, Mr Dryden, has made ufe of the myf-
teries of this art in the prologues to two of his
plays, one a tragedy, the other a comedy, i^
which he has Hiewed his greatell art, aild proved
moH: jduccrsful. I had not fcen the play for
fot^^^Ars, before I hit upon almoil the fame
that he has in the following prologue to
ir Love.
*:gp^s may liave leave to level all they can^
As pigmies \VouM be glad tp top a man.
Half-wits are fleas, (o little and fo light,
We fcarce icott^d know they live, 1)ut'*that they
Jiite«-
But,
Dr. LISTER, and Others. 155
Bat, as the rich, when tir'd with daily feafts,
For ch&nge become cheif next poor tenant'sguefts:
^' Drink hearty draughts of ale from plain brewn
bowls,
And fnatcb the homely raflier from the (^oab:'^
JSo you retiring from much better chear,
For once may venture to do penance here.
And iince that plenteous autumn now is paft,
Whofe grapes and peaches have indulged yoor
tafte, ^
TaKe in good part from our poor poet^s board^
Such ihrivelM fruit as winter can afford.
How fops and fleas (hould come together I
cannot eafily account for; but I -doubt not but
his ale, rafher, grapes, peaches, and (hrivcled ap-
pies might pit— —box and gallenr— — it well
enough. His prologue to Sir Martin Mar-all is
fuch an exqtiifite poem, taken from the lame art,
that I could wi(h it tranflated into ^Latin, to be
prefixt to Dr Lifter's work; The whole is as foK
lows.
PROLOGUE.
Fools which each man meets in his dUh eack
day,
Are yet the great regilias of a play :
In which to poets you but juft appear.
To prize that higheft which coft thtiisv C^ ^^*»c
i$6 ]>E T T £ R S to
Fops in the town more eadly will pais.
One (lory makes 4i (latutable afs :
But fiich in plays mud be much thicker (own,
Like yolks of eggs, a dozen beat to one.
Obierving poets all their walks invade, ^
As men watch woodcocks gliding thro' a glade.
And when they have enough for comedy.
They 'ftow their feveral bodies in a pye.
The poet's but the cook to faihion it.
For gallants, you yourfelves have found the wit.
To bid you welcome would your bounty wrong.
None welcome tho(e who bring their * chear
along.
The image (which is the great perfe<51ion of a
poet) IS fo extremely lively, and well painted y that
methinks I fee the whole audience with a difh
of buttered eggs in one hand, and a woodcock
pye in the other* I hope I may be excufed af-
ter fo great an example, for I declare I have no
defign but to encourage learning, and am vtry
far from any defigns againft it. And therefore
I hope the worthy gentleman, who faid that the'
journey to London ought to be burnt by the
cojumon-hangman, as a book that, if received,
would difcourage ingenuity, would be pleafed
not to make his bon-fire at the upper end of
Ludgate-ftreet, for fear of endangcrmg the
bookfellers (hops and the cathedral.
* Some critics rend U cVvt*
Dr lister, g7id OHl^s. 157
I have abundance more to fay upon thefe fub-
je<5ls^ but 1 am afraid my firft courfe is (b tedi-
ous, that you will excufe me both the fecond
courfe and the defert, and call for pipes, and a
caudle; but confider the papers came from an
old friend, and fpare them out of compaffion to^
SIR, &c.
To Mr .
SIR,
I AM no great lover of writing more than I
am forced to, and therefore have not troubled
you with my letters to congratulate your good
fortune in London, or to bemoan our unhappi-
nefs in the loft of you here. The occafion of
this is to defire your affillance in a matter that I
am fallen into by the advice of Come friends ;
but unlefs they help me, it will be impo^Iible for
me to get out of it, I have had the misfortune
to— write ; but what is wor(e, Iliave never cou-
iidered whether any one would read : Nay, I
have been fo very bad as to defign to print, but
then a wicked thought came acrofs me with,^'^/;o
ivill buy ^ For if I tell you the title, you will be "^
of my mind, that the very name will deflroy it it
The Art of Cookery^ in Imitation 0/ Horace'/ Jrt
of Poetry f with fome familiar Letters to Dr Lif-
ter and others^ occafioned priucipally by tiie title
of a book publifhed by the Do<ftor, concerning
the foups and fauces of the Ancients. To this a
beau will cry, •' Phough ! what have I to do
with kitchenduff? To which I anfucr, " Buy
it, and then give ii to your fervants;'^ For 1 hope
to live to fee the day when every miflrefipf a
family, and every fie ward (hall c-aWn^^^V^t ^"^-
dren and /eirvants with, Come,'^'\jLfe\!kfcVv>j ,>cwqv^
much liare you got of voCit Ivxx o^ Cv^^oV^^^"^-
1^8 Betters to
Where did you leave off, Mifs Ifabel ? Mifs Kat-
ty, are you no farther than King Henry and the
Miller ? Yts, Madam, I am come to
^—"^His name fhall be enrolled
In EftcouriV book ivhofe gridiron'* s framed of gold.
Pray mother, is that our mafter Eftcourt? Well,
child, if you mind this, you fliall not be put to
your Afferably's Catechifm next Saturdayr'What
'a<^10rious (ight it will be, and how becoming a
great family, to fee the butler out^eaming the
fteward, and the painful £kul]ery»maid exerting
her memory far beyond, the mumping houfc-
keeper* ^ I am told that if a book is any thing
ufeful, the printers have a way of pirating one
another, and priming other perfons copies, which
is very barbarous : And ^hen fhall I be forced lo
comeout with, The true Art of Cookery is only to
be had at Mr Pindar's a patten- maker^s under St
Dunftan's church, with the author's feal at the
title page, being three fauce-pans, in a bend pro-
person a cook's apron argent : Beware of counter-
feits. And be forced to put out advertifements
with ftraps for razors. And the beft fpejflacles
' are to be had only at the Archimedes, &c.
*I defign proposals, which I niuft get delivered
to the cooks company, for the making an order
that every 'prentice fhall have the Art of Cookery
when he is bound, which he fhall fay by heart
before he is made free; and then he fliall have
Dr Lifter's book of foups and fauces delivered to
him for bis.future prav5tice. But you know bet-
ter what I am to do than I. For the kindness
you may fhew me I fhall always endejtvour to
make what returns lye in my power. I am
Yours, 6"^.
To
Dr lister, and 0*|rf . 159
to Mr '
Dear Sir, ^
1 CAN NOT but fejcoramcnd to your perofal
a late exquifite comedy called The Lawyer's
Fortune,, oVf Love in a Hollow Tree ; which piece
has its peculiar enabellifhtnentSyand is a poem care-
fuHy framed according to the ntccfl rules of ihe
Art of Cookery: For the play opens wiih a fcene
of good houfevviftry, where Favouriie, the houfe-.
keeper, makes this complaint to the lady Bono*
Fav. The laft mutton killed was lean, Ma-
dam ; (hould not fbme fat fbcep be bought in ?
Bon* What fay you, Let-acre, to it ?
Let, This is the worft time of the year /or
fheep; the frefh grafs inake^ 'em fall away, and
they begin to tall>e of the wool ; they muft be
fpared a while, and Favourite mull caft to fpend
fbme falt-meat, and filfa ; I hope we fhall have
fbme fat calves ihortly.
What can be more agreeable than this to the
Art of Cookery? where the author fays:
Bui though my. edge he not too nicely /et,
Yet I another's appetite may whet ;
May teach him when to buy, when feafon paft,
WhaVs Jiale^ whafs choice ^ what's plentiful,
what wajle^
Jndlead him through the various maze oftajle.
In the £ecotul act Valentine, Mrs Bonona's
Ibn, the con (u mm ate chara<^er of the play, hav-
ing, in the firS a<5l, loft his hawk, and confequent-
\y his way, benighted and loft, and feeing a lighc
ia a diftant houfe, comes to the thrifty widow
Fariofa\ which is exaiflly accot^vsx^ Vi >>s\^
O 2 x\s\^>
i6o ^. E T T E R S to
rule, ** A prince who ina forcft rides aflray'% wliere
he finds ihe old geiulcworuaii carding, the fair
Florida, her daiij^hter, working on a j)archnient,
whilft the maid is fpinning. ' Peg reaches a chair,
fack is called for, and in the mem time chtf guod
old genllewoman complains fij of* rogues, ihat^e
>can fcarce keep a goofe or a turkey in fafeiy for
them Then Ftorida enters v%'ith a little white
buttle, about a pint^ and an old failiioned glals,
lills and giv^s her mother; (lie drinks to Valen*
line, he to/ Florida, (lie to liioi ag^in, he to Fu*
riofa, who feis it down on the table. After a
lliort time the old lady cries, ** Well! 'tis my
* lird-time, but my daughter will (hew you the
* vvjy to yours, for I know you would willingly
* be in it." This was extremely kind ! Now
upon her retirement ; fee the great judgment
t/f the froc'ts; flic being an old |»;eniiewoman
ihrit weiu to bcd^ he fuits the following regale'
iiccorjding to tlit; age of the perfon : had boys
been put io bed, it had been proper to have laid
the gpofe to the fire, bat here it is oiherwife:
For after fo me intermediate difcourfe he is in-
vited TO a repart, when^he inodeftly excufes biin-
fclf with, *^ Trtily, Mad am, I have no flotnach
^ to any meat, bat lov -comply with you. You
^ have, Mad^m, entertained me with all that is
' defirable already." Tlie lady tells him ** a
* cold fupper is better than none," fo he fits at
the table, 'oiJBTers to eat but cannot. I am fure
Horace hitnfelf could not have prepared himfelf
more exactly, for {according to the. rule, ji wi»
dow has cold fyej though Yalentine being love-
iick could not ^eat, yet 3t was his fatilt, and not
the poet's. But when Valentine is to return the
civility f iund to invite Madam ¥v\t\v^a and Ala-
^am Florid^f with other ^ood xoxk^^vjtj >^^ V^*
Dr lister, a?ul Oilifrs. i6i
fiH>thfr th/e faofpit^hle lady Bonona's, (who by
th«4>ye bad called for two boitles of wine for
Latitat her attorney,) then afl9.uence and dainties
are to appear (according to this vcrfc, mangoes,
fotargo, champignons, caveare) ; and Mrs Fa-
vourite the houfe-keeper makes thefe mod im-
portant enquiries.
Fav. MiAre(sy (hall I pat any mtifhroom^^
fuangoes, or bamboous into the fallad?
Ben. Yes, I prithee, the befl thou haft.
Fav. Shall I ufe ketchop or anchoyi^s iu the
gravy?
Bony What you will»
But however magnilicent the dinner might
be, yet Mrs Bonona, as the manner of fbme per-
fons is, makes her eitcpfe for it with, *' Well,
gentlemen, can ye fpare a little timcxto take a
fliort dinner? I promife you it fliall npt be long.'^
It is very probable, though the atithor docs not
make any of the guefts give a reb^ion of it, that
Valentine being a great fportftnan, might furni%
the table with game and wild-fowl. ^ There was^
at lead one pheafant in ihe houfe, which Vajeup
tine told his mother .of the morning before.
'' Madam, I had a good flight of a pheafa^it cock,
^ that, after my hawk liei^ed, made head as if Ue
* would have fought, but my hawk plumed him.
* prefenily/' Now it is jiot reafonable tjo/pp^
pofe that Valiy lying abroad that nigihi, the ojd
gentlewoman under t^hat concern would have a*
ny ftomach for her own fupper* Ho weaver, to ^
fee the fate of things there is nothing permar
^ent : for one Mrs Gandia making (though inno-
cently) a prefent of an hawk to Valentine, Flo-
rida, his midrefs, grows jealous, and ret>\?w8^ ^»
leave him, and run away w\ti\i 20ci odid^ W^. o^^^i.^-
Jov*r, aoe M^'jor Sly; Va\euuae,v^ ^^^^^'^^^r^^,
O 3 ^
|62 I. E T T E R S TO
fends a tneiffage to her by a boy, who tells hctP,
** His fiiafter, to flievir the troHble he took by her
^ miGipprehenfion, had feut Irer ibtHe vifible to-
' kens, the 'hawk tdrti to pieci&s with his own
/ hands;'' arid then pulls 'but of the baflket the
the \vings arid ^iegs bf aTowl. So 'we fee -the
poor bird deinoliniedy and all hdpes of wild-fowl
deft^oyed for the tu Cure : And happy wert it if
misfortune^ woald ftop here*^ Bm the cruel
beauty refnfirig to be appeafed^ Valentine-^akes
^ tudden refblution. which he commdniGates to
Let-acre, tlfie fteward, to brufli off, and quit hif
habitation; However it was, Whether Let-acre
did nbt 'think his yoUngraalVer real, and Valea-
tine having threatened the hoafe-kee^^r^o kick
her hn'mediately Ijefore, '-for -being too fond of
him^^nd his boy^being raw and uriexperienced in
travelling, it '(eems they made but flendef provi-
fion for their expedition j for there is but one
iceneinterpofed before we find dfftreffed Valen-
tine in "the -raoft miferable xondmon ^hat the
joirit arts o( poetry Sind cookery are able to repre-
fent him. Therels a fcene of thegreateft horror,
and tnoft moving'tocorapaffion of any thing f
have (een amongft the moderns; talks of no py«
^almfids of fowl, or bifks of 'iiOi is nothing to it ^;
, for here we fee an innbcent perfon, unlefs pamfh-
^(d for mother's and/houfe-fcceper's extravagan-
ty, iiswasiaid %efore, in ^beir murhrdoms, man-
goes, bamboons, ketchup, and anchovies, red uceid
to the tfxtrcmky of eating his thcefe without
4>fead, : and "having "no other drink but water>
^orhe and bis boy, with two faddles on 'his back
-and waHet, cotne ifito a walk of cerifu(ed trees,
*v{rhere an owl hoHows, a beat atid leopard walk
jtitr&i^ the defstrt, at a diftance^ :^tid y^tthey
"featured ioL'whcfe Valentine *cco^^^^u^oot^ v?\\V
Dr L 1 S T E H, and\ Dthers. 163
tbefir lines, which wo»ld draw -tears from any
Thing that is not uiarbie.
'Hang tip thy nvaUet oft that trtfy
And creep thou in tkis hollaw place vjtth me^
3^efs here repofe 'Our nvearied limbs till 'they {
lefs 'wenried be. -
• . - ' . '
Bay. There is fiotlnng left in tlie wallet but
^ne piece of cheefe, what (hall we do for breadi
Fal. When we have ilept we wUl leek ottt
^inerootsthat Yliall fiipply that doubt.
Boy. Sttt no drink, raafterf
VaL Underthat rock a fpring 1 Tee,
AVhich (hallrefrcfh my thiril and thee,
• So theacflxlofes, aiKi it is difmal for the audi« .
*ence to ^on(ider how Valentine and the poor
i;oy, who, k feexns>i)ad a coming (loma<ih/niould
continue 'tbcre ^all the time the muGc was
playing aird longer. ^But to eafe the«n of their
^ain- by an invention which the poets call cata-^
[/trophe, Valentine, -^thoagh witli a long beard,
and very weak with fafling, is reconciled ^to Flo-
-rida, who, embracing him, fays, " I -doubt 1 have
* ofiended him too -much ;biM: I wiH attend hiin
** horoe^ -cherifh him with cordials, make hira
•' broths.^ (pporgood-jnatured creature, Iwlfhfhc
had Dr l,itter's book to help her)i " anoint Ym
** limbs, and be a nurfe, a>tender'nurfe to hiin.''
'Nor do bleflings co»e alone, for the good mo-
ther having^efrefhed him witii warm baths, and
-kept him tenderly in ill e iioirfe, orders Favou-
rite with repeated 4tijondtions, to get the beilen-
•tertainment flie lever yet provided ; to cosifider
what fhe has, and what (he wants, and to get all
Teady t& few hours : And Co JL\us m^^ x^^yeXax
'woFk is concluded with a danc^ attdi ^ N^ti^^vcv?^
164 L E T T E R S TO
dinner. I eatinat believe there %ras any thing
ever more of a piece than this comedy; (bnie
perfon mky admire your meagre tragedies^ but
give me a pl;ty where there is a profpedl of good
iiieat, or good vfrine ftirring in every a<fl of ic.
Though I am confident the author had vvrotc
this play, and printed it Jong before the Art of
Cookery was thought of, and I had never read
it til )the other po^m was very near perfected,
yet it is admiralyfe to fee how a true rule will be
adapted to a good worki or a gcM>d work to a true
rule. I (liould be heartily glad, fur the fake of
the public, if our poets, for the future, would
make ufe of (6 good an example. I doubt not
but whenever you or I write conic^ly^ vve fliall
obferve it. I have ju ft now met -.vith a fur priz-
ing happihefs, a friend that has feen two of JDr
Lifter's works, one De bticcinis Jiuviatilibus et
marinis exercitatit), An exercttation of jfea and
river fhell-fifh. In which he fays fome of t4ie
chiefeft rarities are the pifle and fpermatic veflels
of a Jiiail, delineated by a microfcope, the omen-
tnni or caul of its throat, its iallopian tube, and
it» fubcrocean tefticle ; which are things Hippo-
crates, Galen, Celfus, Fflrneltus, and Harvey were
tiever mafter* of. TTie other curiofity is the
admirable piece of Coelius Apicins, De Opfoniis
^ve Condimetttls^ five Arte Coquinaria^ Libri De:-
^cm^ being ten books of foups and faucets, and the
Art of Cookery, as it is excellently printed for
the dodlor; who in this fo iimportaui aifair is not
•fufficiently communicative. My friend fays he
4ias a promtfe of l-cave to riead it. What re-
marks lie makes 1 fhail«ot be ciTviousof, butim«
pare to biin I love, as well as his
Moft butiitble far viitit^ &c.
Dr LISTER, and Others. 165
. fo Mr
■1
Dear Sir,
I MUST coromanicaie my happinefs to yoil,
becaufe you are fo much my friend as to re-
joice at it. I, fonie days ago, met wiih an* old
acquamiance, a curious pei-fon, of whom I en«
quired if he had feen the book concerning foops .
and fauces; he told me he bad, but that he had
but a very (light view of it', the perfon who was
niader of it not being willing to, part with fo va-
iaable a rarity out of his clofet. I defired him
10 give me what account he could of it. He
lays, That it is a very hand(bme odavo ; for c-
v-er fince the days of Ogilby, good paper, and
good print, and fine cuts, make a book become '
ifigenious, and brighten up au author ftrangely.
That there rs a. copious index, and at the end a
catalogue of. all the Dodlor's works concerning
cockles; Englifl) beetles, fnaiis, fpiders Ihat gel*
up into the air and throw us down cobwebs/ a-
UKMifter vomited up by a bajcer, and fuch like;'
which, if carefully perufed, would wonderfully
improve us; There is, it feems, no nvanufcript
of it in iljaglatid, nor any other country that can
be heard of; fb that this impreffion is from one •
of Humelbergius, who, as my friend fays, he
does not believe contrived it himfelf, becaufe the
lyings are fo vety much out of the way, that
it is not probable any learned man would (ec
himfelf i^rioudy to work to invetic them. He
tells me of this ingenious remark made by the
JLditor, ** That whatever manufcripts ijliere
* might have been, they muft have been ex-
"* tremely vicious and^coirupt, as bein^ wtvt<^viX
< by the cooks themfeives, or iovci^ <>^ -Cewf^x
f Jriends or iervants. who are box. a\>NV;^^ "^"^cv
i66: LETTERS TO
' nioft accurate.'' And- then, as my friend ob-
ferved, if the cook had ufed it much, it might be
fullied ; the cook perhaps not always licking his
fingers when h« had occafion: for it. I Oiould
think it no improvident matter for the ftate to
order a feJeft fcrivener to tranfcribe receipts, left
ignorant women, and houfe keepers fliould im-
pjofe upon future ages by ill fpeit and nacorrcc^
receipts for potting of lobftersyor pickling of tur-
keys, Caelius Apicins, it fcem^,. paifes for the
author of this trcaiife, whofe fcience, learning,
and difcipline were exireaiely xontemned, a«d
alm^od abhorred by Seneca and the ftoics, as in-
troducing luxury, and infe<f\mg the raanruers of >
the Romans ;. and fo lay negledted» till the mfe-
r'tor a^ges, but then: were: kitfodaced as being a^
hel^ to phyfic^ to which a learned author^ called
I>onatus^. EnyB, that the kitchen is a handmaid »
I remember in our days^ though vve canttot iit
every refpie(ft come up to the antientSy thatr
% very good, anthor, an old gentleman^ is itttro^^
4ueed as making uTe of three doc^orS| I>r IMet^
Dr Quiet, and Dr M^erriman. Tbey are repor^*^
ed to be excellent phyfictans, and if kept at a:
conftant peniObon^ their f&es wtl^l oon be very €oft«-
ly.
It feems, as my friend has leaarnt, the<re were^
•^ two.perfbns that bore the name of Aptcio^s, ome.',
under the republic, the other in the time of Tu
bedus^ who is recorded by PHny, to have had
a great deal of wit and judgment in all afFaira
that related: to eating, and confequently has hki
name affixed to many (brts of amulets and pan*
cakes. Nor were emperors lefs corrtrjbutors to
& great an undertakings as Vit^llius, Ccrno modus,
£Mla^ Julbinus, and Varitis UeUo^balus^ whofe
iwperUl na4xi£S^r£. prefixed tcx iaa\sktci\i^ tc*c«;>Vi*
Dr I^ISTOEt^, and \Osbers. , a^Z *
■The laft of whidi ecnperors thad the peculiar
,glofy of firft making faufages of fhriws^pff, crabs,
' oyfters, fprawHs, and lobfters, ijVnd ibqfe; fau-
fagcs being tBeniioprd by the author ^which the
edrtor piibliflies, from that and many Ojtb^r.argu-
. ments the learned dcKlor irrefr^^ably/ maintain^,
that^the book, as now primed, «ou>d not be tra«-
. fcribed till iafter the time of Heliogahalns, who
■, gloried in the titles of Apicius and Viielliqs,' more
than Antoninus, whahad gained his reputation
by a temperate, ?iuftere, and fulid virtiJe. And,
. ic feems, under his ad mi nidr action a» perfon tha^C
found out a new fiwip. might have aS; great a re-
ward as Drake or Dampier might €xpe<ftf»r
finding a new continent. My friend fays, the
editor tells us of unheard of dainties; -how iEfo-
, pus had a fu|)per of the tongues of birds that. e<>uld
i'peak; and that his daughter regaled on pearls,
. though ihe does not tell «s bow (he dreft ihein ;
. liow Hortenfins left ten thoufand pipes of. wjr?c
i» his cellar for his heirs drinking; how Vedius
Pollio fed his 6(h-ponds with man's fie{h,and
how Gae&r bought tfix. thoufand weight of lam-
* pi^eys for his triumphal fupper. He fays, the edi-
tor proves equally, to a demand rat? on, by the
proportions and quantities let down, and the
nauCeotirnefs of the ingredients, that the dinners
of vhe emperors were orderied by their phyfici-
. an?, and that the recipe was taken by the -cook,
as the collegiate doiftors w-ould xdo their bills-to
a modern apothecary; and that xhu cuftoiri was
taken fi*om the Egyptians, and that this method
continued till the Goths and Vandals over-ran
the Weftern; enroire; and^that they, by ufe, ex-
". ercifc, a-nd neceffity of jabftinencc, \v\Uo^\xc^^ \>cv^
. eatino' of cheeCe and venVfon AviOtiovxx. t\v^^^ ^$^^n^-
ifonal fduccs, which the jjihyfioau^ Q? ^"^^ ^^2kWev^
QNXX
i6S L E T T E R S T« •
out to reftore the depraved appetites of fuch
great men as had lod their ftoraachs by aa ec-
cefs of luxur]^. Out of the ruins of £ra(i(tratus'
book of endive, Glaucus Lorenfis of cow-heel,
Mithsecus of hot-pots, I^nyfius of fugarSops,
Agi;s of pickled broom-buds, £pinetus of fack-
poflet, Euthedemus of apple-dumplings, Hege-
lippus of black-pudding, Crito of fbufed macka-
rel, Stephanus of linnon>cream, Archytes of hogs
harflet, Acedius of quince marmalade, Hicefius
of potted pidgeons, Diodes of fweet-breads, and
Philiftion of oat cakes, and fevcral other fuch
authors, the great Humelbergius compofed his
annotations upon Apicius, whofe receipts, when
part of Tully,, Livy, and Tacitus have been ne-
gle^ed and loft, were preferved ia the utmoft
parts of Tranfiivania, for the peculiar palate of
the ingenious editor. Latinus Latinius finds
fault with feveral difhes of Apicius, and is pleaf-
ed tafay they are naufeous; bat our editor de»' i
fends that great perfon by (hewing the difference
of our cuftoms; how Plutarch fay^ the ancients
ufed no pepper, whereas all, or at leaft five or fix
hundred of Apicius's ; delicates were ieafoned
with i^« For we may as well admire that fbme
Weft Indians ftiould abftain from fait, as that we
(hould be able to bear the bitternefs of hops in
-our common drink; and therefore we fhould not
be averfe to rue, -cummin, parflcy feed, marfh*
mallows, or nettles with our common meat, or
- to have pepper, honey, fait, vinegar, raifins,
muftard., and oil, rue, maftic, and cardamums
ftrown promifcuoufly over our dinner when it
comes to table. ' My friend tells me of fome
ihorc obfervations he made out of the annota-
iions, which he owes to Yi\s memw^ \ -^xvd there-
for€ begs pardon . if in Ipsdfe \.Vi\t\g? Wm^^ wYv^-j^ut ^
Dr LISTER, and Others. \6^
becaufeit is not wilfully, as that Papirius Petus
was the great patron of cu(lard : That the Te-
irapharniacon, a difh much admired by the Em-
perors Adrian and Alexander Severus, was mdd«
of pheafant, peacock, a wild fow's hock and
ndder, with a bread pudding over it, and that
the name and reafon of fo odd a difh are to be
fought for amongft the phyficians.
s The work is divided into ten books, of which
the fird treats of foups and pickles, and iamongft
other things fhews that fauce-pans were tinned
before the time of Pliny : That Oordian ufed a
glafs of bitter in a morning: That the ancients
fcalded their wine; and that burnt claret, ^ as
pow prac^ifed w'ith fpice and fugar, is pernici-
ous. That the adulteration of wine was as anti-
ent as Cato. That Brawn was a Roman difh,
which Apicius commends as vjo^derful; its
fauce theq was mndard and honey, before the
frequent ufe of fugar. ^or were fbufed hogs
feet, cheeks and ears unknown to thofe ages. -
*Tis very probable they were not fb fuperftitious
as to have fo great a delicate only at Cbriftmas.
It were worth a difTertatioo between two learn-
ed perfbns, fo it were managed with temperand
candour, to know whether the Britons taught it
to the Romans, or whether Caefar introduced it
into Britain, and it is (Irange he fhould take no
notice of it; whereas he has recorded that they
did not eat hare's fieih; that the antients ufed to
marinate their fifti, by frj^ing them in oil, and
the moment they were taken out pouring boiling
vinegai upon them. The learned annotator ob-
ferves, that the bed way of keeping the liquor in
oyflers is by la}ing the deep fhcll downwards,'
and that by this means Apicius conveyed q-^^^x^
to Tiberius when in Parthia% X. tvoVAe \\\Nt^\<^5^^-
179 LETTERS to
fince made ufeof at Cokhefter with mbft sidmK
rable fuccefs. What eftates might Brawn oi^
L6cket have got in tbofe days^ when Apieius
only fiir boiling df Iprouts after a new falhiony
defervedly came id Co the good graces of Dk-nfusg
who then commanded the Roman armies.
The firft book having treated of faaces or
(landing pickled for relifh, which areufed in moft
bf the fucceeding receipts, the fecond has a
glririoas (iibje<fl of faufages, both with (kins and
Withoat^ which contains matters no lefs remark«, *
ahte than the former. The antients that were
delicate hi their eating prepared their own muflv^
rooms, with an amber or at leaft a filver knife ;
where the annotator fhews elegantly againft
Hardotiiasy tliat the whole knife, and not only
the handle, was of amber or filver, le(! the rufti-
titk of an ordinary knife might prove infectious.
This is a nicety which I hope we may in time
ilrrive to ; for the Britons, though not very for-
ward in inventions, yet are outdone by no nation
in imitation or improvements.
The third book is of fuch edibles as are pro«
duced in gardens. The Romans ufed nitre to
inake their herbs look green ; the annotator-
(tiews our falt.petre at prefent to diffVr from the
tntient nitre. Apieius had a way of mincing
them firft with oil and fait, and to boiling
them, which Pliny commends : But the prefent
* receipt is to let the water boil well, throw in
fklt, and a bit of butter, and (b not only fprouts
but fpinage will be green. There is a moft ex-
traordinary obfervation of the editor, to which
I cannot but agree, that it is a vulgar error
that walnut-trees, like Ruffian wives, thrive the
Better for being beaten, and that long poles and
/tones are a/ed fey boys and oihet^ \o ^<&x. \\ic ^txixt.
Dr LISTER, and Ctkers. iji
dowii| the waimu-free bcisg ib v^ry bigh f^rj
rould not otherwife r^ach U^ rather pui of J^in4»
Pffs to tbf oif^lvc^ than ^ny regard t|> tbe tJ?e^
that bf?ars it* fis%(oT afpar^us tberr is an ei^cei-
lent remark^ that according to PJiny they HNM-it
the great cari? of tbe antiCAt gardnert, and thac
^t Aavenna t|ircc weighed a pound ; kiit thajf
in Kngland it was thought a rariiy whes iQQ ^
4beQi weighed thirty ; Tba^ C4i£4iaibe<s vnt ap^
to rife in th^ ftomach, #n]e(s pared or faoUeid
with oil, vinegar am) bopey < That the tgyp-
tiaDS wottld drink hard wiihofit any difturbance,
becai|(e it was a rale for th^m to ha%v always
Wled cajbbage for thfir firft diA at fupper^
That the bf il way to roft «Qipns is in coleworfc
leaves, hr fear pf biprmng them : That beets are
gped for ihuths^ becaafe they yrorking at the fire
lire generally coftive^ That Petronius haf re^
corded a liule old woman who fold the agrejh
0lus of the antients, which henonr I take to be
as Qinch due tbofe who hi oor days ^ry nettler
lops, elder4>ads, and clover, ia fpring time v^ry
wholefome.
The fourth book Qon tains the univer(al Art of
oCoukery. As M^ihasas Sylvaticus conipofed the
pande;5)sof phyfic, and Juditiian thoie of law, (b
Apicius has done the pandedts of h» Art in this
hook, which beats that infcriptioo. The &*ft
ichapter contains the aduiirable recei|)C of vi fala^
^acaby of Aficiui, Bruifc in a mortar pariley-
feed, dried peeeroyal, dried mint^ ghiger, green
coriander, raffiQS (toned, honey, vinegar, oil and
wine, ^ut them into a cacabulum^ three crufts ^of
Pycentioe bread, tbe fle(h of a pullet, goat^s ftpnes,
veftine chccfe, pine kernels, cucumbers, drsed^
ouiops BMQced fmall; pour a fou^ oNt« \x.> ^x^tSSsv
ft wixb Cu9W, and ifiiCid it \a;p \u i\« i:ew:(d)uluw-*
172 L E T T E R S TO
This cacabulum being an unufual veflcl, my
friend w^nt to his <ilicHonary^ where finding an
odd iRterprecation of it, he was eafily perfuaded,
from the whimficalnefs of the compolition, and
the fantafticahiefs of fnow for its garnitore, that
the propereft veflel for a phyfician to prefcribe lo
lend to table upon that occaflon might be a bed
pan. Thertf are fbme admirable remarks in the
annotations to the fecond chapter concerning the
dialogue of Afellius Sabinus^ who itiiroduces a
combat between mulhrooms, chats or beccoficos,
cyders, and red-wings^ a work that oiigbt to be
publifhed : For the fame annotator obferves^
that this ifland' is not deftitute of red-wings^
though" coming to us only in the hardeft wea-
ther, and therefore (eldom brought fat to our ta^
bles : That the chats come to us in April and
•breed, and about Autumn return to Africa : That
experience fliews us they may be kept in cages
fed with beef or wether mutton, figs, grapes
and minced filberds, being dainties not unwor^
thy the care of fuch as would prelerve our Briw
tifh hofpicality. There is a curious obfervation
concerning ihe diverfity of Homan and Britifh
diOies, the firll delighting in hodge-podge, galli-
niaufreys, forced meats, juifeh, and falmagun-
dies *, the latter in fpear.-ribs; furioins, chines, anc^
barons; and thence our terms of art, both as to
dreffing and carving, lecome very different ; for
they lying upon a fort of couch, could not have
carved thofe diflies which our anceftors, when
they fat upon forms ufed to do. But fince the
ufe of cuQiions and elbow cliairs, and the editions
of good books and authors, it may be hoped in
time vve may come up to -them, ■ For indeed hi-
therto we have been (bmething to blame, and I
believe few of Ms have fecn ad\(h oS ca^ow-S^.Qitve% ^x.
Dr I|, I S T E R^ mi Others. ijj
i«Ue!(Umb-^o«es ii is a^cluiowjedgi^d by the learn-
ed annottior that we bax^e): for the art of ma*
jking capons hai loog been jbaried in oblivion.
Varro, tbe great Roman antiquary, tells us how
to d J it by burning of their fpurs, which occa-
iionmg their fterility, makes them capons in
efteifty though thole parts thereby became more
larg'e and tender.
The fifth book is of |>eafe porridge, under
which are included frumentary, water-griiel, milk
poriidge, rice milk, fluniery, (lir-about, and the
like. The Latin, or ratl^er Greek «iame is auf-
prios, but my friend was pleafed to intitle it
Pantagruel, a name n(ed by Aiiblais, an eminent
phydcian. There are fome very remarkable
things in it; as the emperor JnUanos had leldooa
jmy thing but fpoon-n^ac at fu|)tper. That the
herb fenigreek, wMx^ickles, col a>nd wine^ was 9
Aoman dainty; upon uhich tlbe annotator ob-
ServcSf that it is not ufcd in <our ki^tchens, for a
certain ungrateful bitternefs that it ha<^, and ihsLt
ii is plainly a phyfical dyet that will giv-e a (iool^
and that, mixed with oats^ k is the belt purg« for
jlior^s. An ex<^eUeIlt invention for frugaliiy,
.that frothing might he loft; for what the Xiord
did not eat he might fend to his liable.
The fixth hook ^rea^s of wiU-fov^-^, how to
.dxe(s o A riches, the biggeft, groffeil and Kiott
diSicult of dig>eftion lof 4iny ilnrd, phenicoiptrices,
parrots, &c.
The (evenph book .treats of things fumptuovj
^«d cojlly, and therefore is chieflly concern iii|g,£fi^*
meat^ in which the.Btomans cauie ioithat e«CGi«,
that tbe ,lawa forbad tthe ufage of hogs barflet,
fwee threads, cheeks, 6iC. at thieV pnblic fu^er%.
And Cato^ when <]leiifer, ibug):^! Va itft^-^tWBk. \^^
^xtravacMit :u£t of JSrawsi by &ver(t^ '^^ ^"^ ox^s^-
I
174 L E T T E R 6 TO
ons ; fo much Vcgard was had then to the Art
of Cookery, that we fecit took place in the
thoughts of the wifeft men, and bore a part in
their mod important councils. But alas! the
degeneracy oToar pfelent age is fuch, that I bc-
lievie few befides the annotator know the excel-
lency of a virgin fow, efpecially of the black kind
brought from China ; and how to make the moft
of het liver, lights, brains, and pettitoes ; and to
vary her into thofe fifty diihes which Pliny fays
were ufually made of that delicious creature*
Befides, jGralen tells us more of its excellencies,
that fellow that eats bacon ior two or threi days
before he is to box or wrefite, Jhall be much
Jlronorer than if he Jhould eat the befi roaji beef
oc bag-pudding in the pariJI).
The eight book treats of fuch dainties aisfour^
footed beads afford us; as, irf, The wild boar,
which they ufed to boil with all its briftles on.
2dlyy The deer, dreffed with broth made with
pepper, wine, honey, oily and Jiewed damfons,. &c.
^dly, The wild Jheep, of which there arc innume-
rable in the mountains of Vorkfhire attd Weft-
raorland that will let no body handle them ; but
if they are caught they are to be fent up with
an elegant fauce prefcribed ajter a phyfical man-
ner y in form of an eleduary^ made of pepper,
rue^ parjley 'feed, juniper, thyme dried, mint, pene-
royaly honey, &c. with which any apothecary in
that counti;y can furnifh you, /^thly. Beef yv\t\i
onion fauce, and commended by Celfus, but not
much approved by Hippocrates, becaufe the
Greeks fcarce knew how to make txc?t,^ and pow»
dering tubs w^re in very few families ; for phyfi-
ciansiiave been very peculiar in their diet in all
ages; orherwife Galen would fcarce have found
«!fit that young foxes wctt vtvfe'aSttXi\w ^v^\>3Lm^»
Dr LISTER, and Others. i j^
Sthlyy The fucking pig^ boiled in paper. 6thly,
tiie hare^ the chief of the Koinan dainties, its
blood being the fvveeted of any animal, its natu-
ral fear contributing to that excellency. Though
the emperors and nobility had parks to fat them
in, yet in the time of Didins Julianus, if any one
bad fent bira one, or a pig, he would make it laft
him three days, whereas Alexander Severus had
one every meal, which muft have been a great
cxpence, and is very remarkable. But the moft
exquifite animal was referved for the laft chapter,
and that was the dormoiifcj a harrolefs creature,
whofe innocence might at leaft have defended it
both from cooks and phyficians. But Apicius
found out an odd fort of fate for thofe poor crea-
tures, fome to be boned, and others to be put
whole, with odd ingredients, into hogs guts, and
fb boiled for faufages. In antient times people
made it their buHnefs to fatten them : Ariftotle
rightly obferves that fleep fattened them, and
JXiartial, from thence too, poetically tells us that
fleep was their only nourifhment: but the annota-
tor has cleared that point ; he, good man, has
tenderly obfervcd one of them for many years,
and finds that it does not fleep all the winter, as
falfely reported, but wakes at meals, and after its
repaft then rolls itfelf up in a ball to fleep.
This dormoufe, according to the author, did not
drink in three years time; but whether other
dormice do fo I cannot tell, becaufe Bamboufel-
bergius his treatife of fattening dormice is loft.
Though very coftly, they became a common difh
at great enteriainments. Petronius delivers us'
an odd receipt for drefling them, and ferving
them up with poppies and honey, which maCL b^
a very Ibporifeious dainty, atvA a^ ^oq^ -ajs^ «^«^-
jyyc to fuch as want a nap a£\et di\\x\:w^^» '^'^^^
j;^ L E T T E R S TO
/bndfl^efs of ihe Romans came to be fo cxceffivc
towards thena, that, as Pliny (kys, the CeciibriaB
lawSf and Matrcu^ Scaurus in his confuljhip, got
them prohiiited from the public entertainments.
But Nero^ Comtnodas, and Hdiogabalas would
not deny tlic liberty, and indeed property of
tbeir fdSi^eK^s, in fo reaianable an enjoymeBt ; aod
tbcrefore we find tiieoa long after brought to
table in the Jtiives of Am mi an us Marcellinus,
who tdls us likewffc, that f;ales were brought to
table in thofe nges to iveigh cw ious fi/hes, birds
arui dormice, to fee whetiier ihey were at tbe
ftandai^ of eitcelleoiy and perfection, and :(bnie«
ti*n!»e«, I fappofe, to vie with oib^r pretenders to
ntagnYficence. The annotator takes bold of this
wccafion lo fbew of how ^reat vfe [tales ivould be
^ the tables of our nobility i efpecially upon the
bringing up oif a difli of wild fowl : for if twelve
larks ((ayjs be) fl?ould weigh below twelve o»ncej,
they would fc very lean, and fcar^^e tolerable ; if
twelve ^ and down-weighty they ^ould be very
well; Jmt if thirteen, they would be fat to per'
fefiion* We fee upon "how nice and exa<^ a ija-
iatice the happinefs ^f eating depends!
I could fcajTce forbear foitUng, not to fay worfe,
4it fadU exadirnrfs and (ucb dainties, and told my
friend ohut thofe fcales would be of extraordinaty
ufi? at I>ai3!fiable, and that, if the annoiaidr had
«iot prefcribed his dormoufe, il (hould ttjpon the
fir.ft occafion be glad xovifit it, if I knew itsivi£i*
ting day« and hours, io as not x^ diflurb it.
IViy iciend iVid there remained but two bocScs
vciQ^re, c«iie of (ea, and the other of fiver -fiOv to
the account of which he would not be long, fi^e-
ing bis men^ory began to fail him almolt ^s ouich
9s m^y jMiienoe.
Dr LISTER, and Others. 177
*Tij true, in aiom vjork foft Jlumbers creep.
And gently fink the artijl into fteep ;
iiljjiecially vrheii treating of dormice.
' *
The ninth book is concerning (ea-fi(h^ where,
amongil other learned -annotations^ is recorded
that famous voyage of Apicius, who having fpenc
many millions, and being retired into Campania,
heard that there were lobfters of a vad and un<i
ufual bignefs in Africa, and thereupon impatient*
]y got on fhipboard the fame day, and having
fuffered much at Tea, came at lail to the coaft.
l^ut the fame of (b great a man's coming bad
landed before him, and all the fif&ermen failed
out to meet him, and prefented him with their
faireft lobfters. He afked if they had no larger;
they anfwered, their fea prodaced nothing more
excellent than what they brought. This honeft
freedom of theirs^ with his difappoiniment, -(b
difgufted him, that he took pet, and bad the
matter return home again immediately: and (b,
it (eems, .Africa loft the breed of one monrter
more than it had bcf<*re. There are many re.
ceipts in the book to drefs cr^tnp-fini that numb
the hands of thofe that touch them; the cuctle*
fiOi, vvhofe blood is like ink; the pourcontrel or
hiany-feei; the fea urchin or hedge-hog; with
feveral others, whoft fauces are agreeable to their
natures. But, to the comfort of us moderns, the
an tients often eat their oyfters alive, and fpread
hard eggs minced over their fprats, as we do, now
over our falt-fifli. There is one thing very curi-
ous concerning herrings: It feems the antients
were very fantaftical in making one thing pa fs for
another ; (b, at Petronius's fupper the cook lent
up a fat goofe, fifti, and wild-t'owY o? ^ ^qxxjs^ v^w
appearance, but ftill all were lagidk^ o^%. ^^ '^^
i
17% L 1^ T T E R S T^
feveral parta of oor fifigle porker. Tbcfreat Nico-
inedes^ king of By tbioiai ba4 a very delightful de-
ception of ibis natnre pot apon him by bis cook;
the king was extreiuely affedted with frefti her-
rlogs (as indeed who is not); but being far np in
Afia from th.e lea coafl« his whole wealth could
not have pnrchafed one, but his cook conirived
fume fort of meat, which put into a irame^ (6 re?
fenbled a herring that it was e&trtmely latisfac*
lory both to his prince's eytt and giMto. My
friend told me that, to the honour of the city c^*
London, he bad (een a thing of this nature tbere^
that is, a henriiig, or rather a falmagundy, with
the head m4 tail fe neatly laid that it furpriled
bin^« He fays many of the fpecies may be found
at the Su^ar l^oaf in ftll-yard^ as giving an c%*
celleiit relilh ^o Burton-ale^ and liot cofting abovf
fix pence ; an incgnfiderable price for ib imperia)
a dainty.
The tefitb book, as my friend tells mfC, is con-
cerning fifh fauces, which conlUl ol a variety of
ingrcdicnis, 3inon-2^fl which is generally a kiiid «f
frumenty. But it is not to be forgot by any
perfbn who would boil liQi exactly, that they
threw ihetii alive into the water, which at pre^
Cent is fa Id to be a Dutch receipt, but Wiis deriv-
ed from the Romans. It (eems Seneca the phi(»
lufopher (a man froin whofe morole temper little
good in the Art of Cookery could be expecfled), in
his third book of natural queltious, corre^ing the
luxury of the times, fays, the Romans were come
to that daintinefa, that they would not eat a &{h
ttiilefs upon the fame day it was taken ^ that it
might tade of the (ea, as they expreiTed it; and
therefore had them brought by perfons wiio rode
poft, and made a great outcry, whereupon all
otbet people were vWVged to g|\y^ O^ia vW: \<>^.»
\v
Dr LISTER, ii«i Others. \ i;j
It wgs an ttdidl expf efSon for a Roman to (ay, Ifi
other matters I may confide in you. But in a thing
^fthis weight it is not confijtent tvith my gravity
and prudence ; I ivili tru/i nothing but my own.
eves ; bring the ftjh hither ^ let me fee him breathe
its laft. And when jhe poor fifh was brought
to table fwimmlng and galping, he would cry: out,
nothing is more beautiful than a dying mullet!
My friend fays, the annotator looks upon thefe
as j efts made by the ftoicks, and fpolen aifurdly
and beyond nature ; though the annotator at the
ianie time tells tis^ that it was a la>v at Athens^
that the fifhermen (hould not wafh their fifh^ ^
but bring them as they came out of the iea.
FiTappy \trere the Athenians in good taws, and the
Romans in great examples; but I believe our
Britons need -wifh their frieilHs no longer life
than till ihey fee London ferved with live her-
ring and £afping ' mackarel. It is true we are
not quite (b barbarous, but that we throw our crabs
alive into (calding water, ^nd tye our lobfters to
the fpit to heiir them fqueek when they are
toafled ; our eels ufe the fame periftaltic motion
upon the gridiron, when their (kin is off* and
their guts are out, as they did before ; and our
gudgeons taking opportunity of jutnping after
they are floured, give occafion to the admirable
remarkof (bmeperfon's folly, when, to avoid the
danger of the frying-pan, they leap into the fire.
My friend faid, that the mention of eels put him
in mind of the concluding remark of the annota-
tor, that they who amongft the Sybarites would
fifh for eels, or (ell them, fhould be free from all
taxes. I was glad to hear of the word conclude^
and told him nothing could be more acce^t^JbV^
to me than the mention of the Sybamt^^o^ n^Nv^^tcw
1 (horUy intended a 'hiftery, {hexv\x\^ V\oNq ^Xv^^
i8o L E T T E R S TO
banifhed cocks for waking tbem in a morntngi
and fmiths for being ufsful ; how one cried out
becaufe one of the rpfc leaves he lay on was
rumpled ; how they taught their horfes to
dance, and (b their enemies coming againft them
with guitars and harp^cords, fet them (b npoo
their roundeaus and roimiets, that the form of
their battle was broken, and three hundred thou-
fand of them (lain, as (loldman, Littleton, and
jfeveral other good authors affirm. I told my
friend I had. much overftaid my hour, but if at
any time he would find Dick Humelbcrgius,
Cafpar Barthius, and another friend, with him-
felf, I would i;ivite him to dinner, on a few, but
choice diihes, to cover the table at once, which,
except they would think of any thing better,
fhould be z falacacaby^ a difb of fenigreek, a wild
flieep's-head and appurtenances, with a fuitable
electuary, a ragout of capon's (tones, and (bme
dormoufe faufages
If, as friends do with one another at a venifbn-
party, you (hould fend for a plate, you know you
may command it, for what is mine is yours^
as being entirely yours, &ۥ
THE i
\ .
THE
ART OF COOKERY,
In imitation of
H O R A C E's
ART OF POETRY.
To Dr Lister.
INGENIOUS List&rV wi^re a pidlure drawn
With Cynthia's face, but with a neck like
»
brawn ;
With wings of turkey, and with feet of calf,
Tho' drawn by Knelier, it wonld make yoti laugh.
Such is, good (ir ! [the figure of a feaft.
By fome rich farmer'i wife and fifler dreft.
Which, wercit^iot for plenty and for. (team, ..
Might be refembrd to a (ick man'« dream.
Where all ideas hud ling run fo faA,
Tiiat fyllabubs come firft, and foups the laft.
Not but that cooks and poets ftill wert f<c«^
To ttfe their pow'r in nice vancty \
i82 The ART or
Hence mackrel feem ^eliglitfil to the eyes,
Tho* drefs'd with incoherent goofeberries.
Onrbsy fahnon, tobfters ^are whh fennel fpread^
VHio never touch'd that herb till they were dead ;
Yet DO man lards fait pork with orange peel.
Or garniihes his Uoib ^tth fjpitcheock't eel.
A cook jperhaps has nughty things profeft.
Then fent up but two dilhes nicely dre(^.
What Cgnify fcotcht- coll ops to a feafl I
Or you .can make whip'd cream ! pray what nell^f
Will that be to a failor who wants beef f
Who^ lately (hip-wreckt, never can have eale.
Till re-eftabli(h'd in his pork and peafe.
When once begun let induftry ne'er ceafe
Till it has render'd all things ^ of one piece :
At your defert 4»right pewter comes too late.
When your firfl courfe was all ferv'd up in plate.
Moil 4cnowing &r ! tiie greatoft^art of cooks
Searching for eruth^ arencazzenM by its looka.
One wou!d have all t^mgs little, 'hence iias;tryid
Turkey poults freHi'frpiin th'«ggin bacterfryfd :
Others; to (hew the Iffrgnefs oftheir fovl,
.Prepare you muttons fw6l*d, and oxen "whole*
To vary the>r%fnfe'tl»DgS'rome thiiiik n art.
By larding d'hogs-'feetand^bacon tart.
C O a HL E R Y. itj
The tafte is now to that. ptffttSiaD bt»nght>,
That care^ when;. waftCiog (kiH^ caseatw tbe £iuit;
In C6vent Garden did a tailor, dwell.
Who might defer ve a place in his own hell :
Give him a fingle coat to. majce^ he'd do't ;
A veft;^ or breeches fingly ; but the brute
Cou*d ne'er contrive all three to ma^e a fuit :
Rather than frame a fiipper like fucb cloaths^
I'd have fLie eyes and teeth without my nofe»
You that from pliant pafte wou'd fabricki raife^
Expedlhig thence to gain hifmortal praife^
Your kniiektes try, and let your finews know
Their power to knead^^^and give the form to dotighi
Chufe yotir material right, yosr feas'ning fix^
And with your frmt reQyleffdtnt fugar o»x :
From thetMe-ofcooHetfeit igt^re wtf 1 ari&.
And eleganee adorn the Itirface of yourpyet.
Beauty from order (prings ; the judging eye
WHi tell you if one fingle plate's awry.
The cook nrofl: ftill regard the prefent time,
T'omit what*^ juft in feafon is a crime.
Your infant peafe to (parrow^grafs prefer^
Which to the fupper you may beft defer.
Be caotkHn how yon change old bills of far«^
Such alterations /hou'd at lead bt tautt \
^«)s.
^
i84 TheARTof
Yet credit to the artift will accrue.
Who in known things ftili makes th' appearance
new.
Frem dainties are by Britain's traffick known.
And now by conftant ufe familiar grown ;
What lord of old wouM bid his cook prepare
Mangoes, potargo, champignons, cavare ?
Or wou*d our thrum- cap'd anceftors find fault
For want of fugar-tongs, or fpoons for fait ?
New things produce new words, and thus Monteith
Has by one vefTel fav'd his name from death.
The feafoDS change us all ; by Autumn's froft
The (hady leaves of trees and fruit are loft :
But then the fpring breaks forth with frefh fupplies^
And from the teeming earth new buds artfe»
So {lubbie-geefe at Michaelmas are feen
Upon the fpit i next May produces green.
The fate of things lies always in the dark ;
What cavalier wou'd know St James's Park ?
For Locket's (lands where gardens once did fpring,
And wild-ducks quack where grafshoppers did fing.
A princely palace on that fpace does rife.
Where Sedley's noble mufe found mulberries.
Since places alter thus, what conftant thought
OF making vadous difhes can be taught ?
For he pretends too much, or is a fool.
Who'd fix thofe things where fa(hion is thQ rule.
King
C O O K £ R Tr Its
King HanikDiHe^ midft Danes and Saxons (lout,
Caroas'd la nut-brown ale, and dln^d oa grant f
Which 4ii)i i|8 prilline honour ftill retains.
And when^each prince it crown'd, in fplendor reigns^
By northern cuftom, duty wds expreft
To friends departed by their fun'ral feaft*
Tho' I've confulted Holliogfhed and Stow,
I find it very difEcult to know
Who, to refrelh th' attendants to a grave,
Burnt claret firft, or Naples biiket gave.
Trotter from quince and apples firft did frame
A pye which (till retains his proper name ;
Tho' common, grown, yet with white fugar (Irpw'd^
And btttter'd right, its goodnefs is allow'd, *
As wealth flow'd in,, ^nd plenty fpr^q^g fronx
peace,L
Good humour rei^n'd, and pleafures found increafis.
*Twas ufual then the banquet to prolong.
By mufick's charm, and fome delightful fong :
Where ev'ry youth in pjeafiqg accents drove.
To tell the (Iratagems and cares of love*
How fome fuccefsful were, how others croft :.
Then to the fparkling glafs wou'd give hfs toall;,
Whofe bloooi did moft in kis opinion fliinc^> ' ^
To reli(h both the nufic t»A tha wine.
CL3 ^ "^^^
iS6 The ART er
Why am I (lird a cook, if rm fo loath
To marinate my iSh, or ieafon hroth ;
Or fend up what I rofb with pleafing froth t
If Tmy maker's gufto won't difcern.
But thra* my 1>afhful folly fcbrn to learn ?
When I among friends^ good humour takes its
birth, • ^
'Tis not a tedious feaft prolongs the mirth ;
But 'tis not reafon therefore you (hou'd fpare.
When as their future burghefs you prepare,
t*or a fat corporation and their mayor.
All things (hou'd find their room in proper place.
And what adorns this trea t wou'd that difgrace.
Somtimes the vulgar will of mirth partake.
And have excellive doings at their wake :
£v'n tayUrs at their yearly feafts look great.
And all their cucumbers are turn'd to meat.
A prince who in a foreft rides aftray.
And weary to fome cottage finds the way.
Talks of no pyramids of fowl or fi(h.
But hungry fups his cream ferv'd up in earthen difh :
Quenches his third with ale in nut-brown bowls.
And takes the hafty ralhor from the coals ;
Pleas'd as king Henry with the miller free.
Who thought himfelf as good a man as he.
Unlefs 4bme fweetnefs 4it the bottom lye.
Who cares for all the criAkling of the pye ?
If
COOKERY. i«7
If you wou'd have me merry with your cheer.
Be Co your (elf> or fo at leaft appear*
!
The things we eat by various juice controul
The narrownefs or largenefs of our foul*
Onions will make ev'n heirs or widows weep.
The tender lattice brings on fofter ileep.
Eat beef or pye-cruft if you*d ferious be ;
Your (hell-fifh raifes Venus from the fea :
For nature that inclines to ill or good, n -^' i
Still nourilhes our paiEons by our food.
Happy the man that has each fortune tryM,
To whom (he much has giv'n^ and much deny*d :
With abflinence all delicales he fees^
And can regale himfelf with toad and-cheefe.
Your betters will defpife you, if they fee
Things that are far furpaffing your degree ;
Therefore beyond your fubftance never treat, «
'Tis plenty in fmall fortane to be neat.
'Tis certain that a (leward can't afford
An entertainment equal with his lord.
OM age is frugal; gay youth will abound
With heat; and fee the flowing cup go round*
A widow has cold pye, nurfe gives you cake.
From gen'rous merchant^ ham or iturgeon take.
iSa T H k A R T o »
The faxiTMr bat branwm brtmi at frcAi ai> dzf.
And butter' fragrajtt tr the dew of May*.
Cornwall fquab-pye^ and Devon white pot brings^
And Let'fter beaai aad bacx>9V finoil of kingii !
At C^bnftsiftft-'ttflie be careful ofy^wtftam,
See the old tenant's table be tbe faate. t
Then if you won'd fend up tbe bm^aer'a bead>
Sweet TofenDary and bays arouad it Spread s
His foaming tuika^ fome (arge pi^ipin gtacOp
Or tnidil thoie tbund'rtDg Ipeara an orange place #
Sauce like himfelf. o^Tenfive to its foes.
The rogjinSh niiftard daBg'rduSF^to tke nofe*
Sack aad tbo vrcil- fpdc'd HBppoeras^ the wmt,
Waffail the bowl witb aatteiht tihbanxh fioe^
Porridge wltk plenib«>.and tutklcrt: witk tho cbiae.
If you p»liapa wou'd try (one didi mkawn^
Which more pefiii>iarly you'd make youo* qwo^
Like aatiest (friiovi ikili regard tbe eoaftj
By venturing ovt too fiu* yott may be loft«
By roading tkat whlck oar forefatheri boiPd^
And boiling wha.t they voafted much 19 fpoi^d*
That cook lo Britiifa palates is QOinpIete^
Whofe iavVy hand gives tums to comoaon m<4t«
«
Tho' cooks are often a^eo of pre gna&t wit^
Through niccnefs of their luV^t^, it.N«i \wvi^ ^t\\. %
Vw
COOKERY. 1S9
la what an aukward found that aotient ballad ran^
Which with this bluftVing paragraph began i
There was m prince of Lubberland,
A pQteutate of high command t
Ten thoufand bakers did attend him, ^
Ten thoufand brewers did befriend him ;
Thefe brought him kiffing crufls, and thofe
Brought himfmall beer before he rofe.
The author raifet mountains Teeming full^
But all the cry produces little wool :
So, if you fue a beggar for a houfe.
And have a verdift, what d*ye gain \ a loufe 1
Homer more modeft, if we fearch his books.
Will (hew US that his heroes all were cooks :
Howlo?*d Patroclus with Achilles joins.
To quarter out the ox> and fpit the loins.
Oh did that poet live ! cou'd he rehcarfe
Thy journey. Lifter, in immortal verfe !
Mufe, fing the man that did to Paris go.
That he- might tafte their foups, and mu/hroomi know..
Ohiiow would Homer praife their dancing dogi.
Their (linking cheefe, and fricacy of froga!
He'd raife no fables, (ing no flagrant lye,
Of hoys with cuftard choaVd ait 'tA^^\>t\t'^ \ -
^>gx
tfo T H 1 ART 00
But thcsff whole oourfisss you'd eixtu«4}ii fiee^
How all their paoti from ^rft: Osklafk agnert
If you all fcirta of ptclbns wo»M engajgey
Suit well your eatable to et'ry^ age.
The fav'ritae ehild tiiat juft b^gins^ to pratti«y
And throwsr<^away bis fiWer belb aad^rfttdc^.
Is very humorfoaie) so^ make* grast clutter,.
Till he hat windows on his bread and butter:
He for repeated fbpper-axest will cry.
But won't tell ummj wlia£ kc^d hanrc^r mt wky*
The fioootb £io*d jroutktkirt Icas^ oewr gu8«diaB»
chofe^ • -
From plsy^botifeffepttaAippcrat tk»-I%»(^
Where he a meki or f wo at »atndiM» vkiowKM 9
Squan'd rinp of wcattfi, impa^itfM «# a^ffcty
His eatiug mud be little^ c^ftiy^ aice;^
Maturer age^ to this delight grown (Irange,
Each night frequents his chib beknod did €hangty
J^rpeSiffg there: frugality and healthy
And honour rifing from a ikeriff's wealth :
Unle&he fomc inlbjranee diuMt lack«>
'Tis very rarely he fret^ucots* Pofttacfa.
liut
COOLER Y. i^t
But lticn4iW«ge,^y IWll kitrudrag .y^ari,
Tormaitts thrieeblv heart wkhcraxiottsfeari:
Morofe^ perverfe in humour^ diffident.
The more fa«ift}ll ahotmds^ Iks lift 'cootent i
His larder and his kitchen too xMervM,
And n9W, Wft^i^^fhoU^d^vraat borealter, (VariTM;
Thinks fcorn of all the pncffent. age tan >gire^
And nope thefe a h r eeR or e years knew Ivow to Rrc.
But now the cook muH: pafs thro* all degrees, '
And by his att^difeordaiit tetupept pleafe.
And miiilfter to fbealth^ and to difoafe,
i?aT.ffom tht •parlour hav« ytmr kitchen placM,
Dainties oray in -their working he tSifgracM.
In prirate draw your ponltry, clean your tripe.
And from your eels their flimy fuhflance wipe.
Let cruel offices be done hy nigfht.
For they who like iJhe thing abhor the fight.
Next let difcretion moderate yonr coft.
And when you treat, three courfes be the mofl.
Let never fr^fh machines your paftry try,
Unlefs grandees or magiftrates are by.
Then you may put a dwarf into a pyc.
Or if youM fright an alderman and mayor,
Within a pafty lodge a living hare ;
Then micfft their graveft furs thall mirth wlfe^
And Jill thegUHd purfue witTa jo^fuV ct\^s4
CtoxA.
ipl Th E A R T o p
Croud not your table ; let yotir number !>e
Not more than fev'n^ and never lefs than three,
*Ti8 the defert that graces all the fenCt,
For an ill end difparages the reft :
A thonfand things well doae^ and one forgot.
Defaces obligation by that blot. .
Make your tran(parent fweet^meats truly hice^
With Indian fugar and Arabian fpice :
And let your Yarious creams incircl'd be
With fwelling fruit juft ravifli'd from.tbe tree.
Let plates and difhes be from China brought.
With lively paint and earth tranfparent wrought*
The feaft now done difcoutfes are renewed.
And witty arguments with mirth purfu'd :
The chearful mafter midft his jovial friends, -
His glafs to their beft wifhes recommends.
The grace*cup follows to his Xovereign's health.
And to his country plenty, peace and wealth.
Performing tlien the piety of grace,
Each man that pleafes reafTumes his place :
While at his gate from fuch abundant ftore, >
He (hcw'rs his god-like blefEngs qo th& poor. '
In days of old our fathers went to war,
Expe^ing fturdy l)lows, and hardy fare:
Their beef they often in their murrains, flew*d.
And In their baiket -hilts their bevVage brew'd.
Some
C Of) K^E R Y7' if^i
Some offdef pa-hapsfftiiglfet give toftfertl^r • ^ : v f ''*
To a largfe^dViv'et'a'Vlplci/i in h\% tent; ^ ^' ^ ..-i ..<"'!
Where cv'ry'thing thjt cv'ry foiSief got', '" '^ ' *Jf^^
Fowl, bacon, cabbagr; Hiuao¥, and WK^tt^tV^'^'C''^
Was all thW)^ri'iftt6^1^ank,' and went topot. ' y*
But when our coiqu'ft^ w^re ^xtenfiVe gro^n; ' ' '^
And throt the world our 'RfitM' worth wa '*^'
Wealth on comrnadders tberi fiow'd tn apace.
Their champ^iS^ rpyrT^'de^'Wal^^lttf theirla^^^ ' ''
Quails, beccoficJoiV, ohhVsLht were Cent '— >
To grace the levee of a gen'ral's tent.
* '"If
In theii* gilt plate air delicates were lech, '
And what was ear tS before became a nch TuVrene.
A
When the y^Ung 'piaye'rs get to iflington,
They fondly thhik fnat all th'e world's their own :"
Preptice^, parilh* clerks, and hectors' meet,**
He that is drunK, or bullied, pays the treat.
Their talk is loofe, and, o'er their bouncing ale.
. o n. 1 ■> •-
At condables and judices they rail;
Not thinktrtg Cultard fuch a ferious thing.
That common council-men twill thither brine, v
Where many a man at vaiiance with his wife.
With foft'iting mead and chccle cake ends Vhe ffrifc. "
Ev*n (quires' come there, and with their mean dif-
Render tl» titcfeeti-wWch tbey'flein wi>#fe^i^ ' ' ^ '''
R Mid wives
•.^ , » .
i^ The. A/R t ^r
Foremen that pick, ^bc bp^ a^d<c^«r^ t^.pJ^afCj •■
Hose find their ep^cr^fthJuiOTtt *t rtc bpght.
In 9rcan^^ 4?pdH»|? rfv'Uftg wUli,dcl^h^t#
AVlrat thc% Ji|?^)*^ff the g-ej^tiP>e^ afMV.4^ ?'
But here's |;]ji?.^rc;, if y9« tlje pa^Uff 9^^^^
By mana^ment pf conj^pn thingp Co welj^ .
That wh%t wa_8 ihought tbi; ipeamil (baU excel s.
While others ftrive ia vain, all iNe^rCon^ o.w»
Such difhes cou'4 be dr<^ft by yoRJ^ipi^
When ftr^i ten'd in. yo«y. ttqac, a^d fcrvimt8 i^yrp^
Youni rij^MI)» i;b<ja^cpnjppft.,^tt.Vw?f4^^2f - ,.
Where firfb and fecood courfct, and your defert^
All ou our fingle tabt^ b^ve their p^rtj^,
From fuch a Y^^ cpnfuUon *ijii delight. .
To find the jarring el^pienU unite. .
And raife a (Irudtuire grateful. t;o the fight.
Be not too far by, old ex^nip!^ led.
With caution n.o,w we in their Coptft|;ps> tre^d ;
The French our relifh help« and well fupj>lj(;
The want of things, too g^rofs, by^ decency^
Out fathers nioft admir'd tjieir fapcei fwei^t^
And often alH'd for fug <^r with tbeir meatj.
They butter'd currants on fat veal be(lo^'d>. ^
And rwmp$jf^)^(^i9ijgf\^Tiaf^^
? (■
\xv^Y^<\
'A
cot) !K E H Y. ' w^s
Tom B<ad did^Oi beghi itflijb iMl»g niT V
ISoBMitiiae^iur wife tbe idtictiu ^in9i||'4.i»^BIifiii
And from the fame machine jell pfcksof peaf<;«
Then plf^nnrdkl in wh^cUltoia^MffibbURfaff^
And 'brangea lb wMmiifoy' bteiri^ ^lei^turAUQ^ u.
IStfs Ha7firft^MdH.ttD}ibUfiMB0ste6«^i^ :
Afi^>lbeticfiiMrrplkBVI lniiflicr£iBrio^«iftkli| n .
lier QiirraiifiMf boietUi s^aidf^^littiiyirmi fp^
But £oii«i«is^ %raatipaad leMisbberv^ w^i^tf ^y'd^
. A^a^Vy4bsildy«o4 •i^fWk:«^>^ i '^^
At laft the lav^' tlilir'lii#4!ott^^lli'^filpi>r^il»^ i ' - >'^ ^ ^'
Ana ^W<fer^iJ that t*e Sdrirfiy ftonia htfV« rtft/ '^
And that no tiym]^ h^-nblQr food fhoilA^ (irl!.
Except it were new mlfk of toackarel. '
, J : • . • ' , I ft ; . I . '■ . • ' J (. . . '^ v. , > I . ; ! J I
t
jnkfe ffrnd difh B<it ^hit otif ^dokrhttteinade, '^
vAod merited a charter by their trade. "' '^
^l^ot Fdiiitb: JltokfliaWA^ 6r c^lidV br^gfit ft6m
Spain^
Alone have fouhd improaremeut fronti'ihtfii^ b^^it ;
But iniddin^'kttiriif khi^ytt^Atc^pm^i^iik^d t^i>^^
Th' effedtt of uatiye iDgenuity.
R a ^^
1^6 ; T fi £•< A:'R T of?
Our BriiiQvMctirmhkh new coiniidiBdi.ji}b;Q^io^
Wou'd they take time: wou*d theyvwi^ leifure
work, pork ;
With care ^wbofd f£U . tl|eir h^fy and curs tlieir
Wou'd boil tht;iriiqi0e|rcillfwlieM'ec>xhey.breiir^
Their -i^m^uef iwtfH tali tkt ^iStuaikr. ^dut^ ./ . ^ . : : .
BecauG; ftkaiilirift and; abftiDCDQei ate gbpd^ r. ;^
As mali]r'.tkiiigt>if rijgbtly iinderitood*;:^ /!/\ > \
Old Cr^irir^iulBaiiMiall :perfaM'talie:/dp^< li J ^i
That fiit^fine^aleitem&hBei ii^tdi fidithiii-!€li€ip$^.
H^bifti^ ficrtftiitfrdri)^^ fielbn'ruiM^L-^f jo i- vi!
Atid the cleiA'f«itBm^^-;iiatlie ficfl^liottfe^ (teiiQ4*:, /
tSo(t>6jri9)Mf>Por j^cikjaftd^QiiiqBt are hb^idifliy:
And th|^!^&|«ttjlW<^:iH^ft/wM^^
As for myfflrtf,:I.5^kfift»i»c,tf^rffl^^j^^ 5 U f!i( jA.
Wbo>as g99d i^i^tjii w^th,|lMC[(l^y^,th9^FiW5.J \
«
But tbor' ipyy ed^e, be not tpo oikely fet^
Yet I another's ajppetlt^^m^y whet,' .
May teach him whentol>uy, when feafon's pad,
A^ leadbini ^ro' the yarioas viMfA of ififtie* t ;
l^bc /4pd%«^tal;p wci^Je of aJl . , . . „ i o I
ll,|v^t»ftg^W»»«P9^ tfee relift^rfll . ... .
COOKERY. : ^97
For SfhiUk the mtaktt fim^ itt loidt of fornix
Tk^f mU «vt tti&^Mii. till clut.ia|ik^ tiicm food.
Befidoi J *tit no ifnoUf ^iece of 6or«^
To know'fbr wliom It k yon weii!d prepare t
You'd pfeafe^a friend, or reconcile a brother,
A I;eft7 fotlm, or 4 liaiigMy 'Mtl^.?^' [ ^
Wou'd mdl lify a J^go^i Wou^A'Cmom^ :fi9«ire,r -^
'Or elfe (cBrie Tatles fiiosatxaiirt yoi» hm^/ dtfire : f
Or woo'cLpeckafBiooiciJiaft}^ tapper gin*) ; . nl
To (hew thi ^leadki ifcatOrl^^iMiki^ ji%M ike, . ^
Purfuant tothot ifit'(iffft;]FOiirrpropoic^ . ;* . . ; >j
' iMafl^all yo^lr^ioei^ a«4;9U foiw ouat b^iAofi}^
Xet men and maoneinp: oyVy .•diih adapV^ > r
WhoM foi^e hia p^ppfr^nrhprfi^his^fftlj^rf. c^apt i
A cauldron of iu hee^ ajid ftoap of ale^. ^
<Xo thi^.buzaaiag ^obiihall mori^, pr^yaU>
Than ifyoa'iJjpii?*>lh<yii^;^ith t^e niccft art|
. Jlagoos of pcacpcfca Ur^ns, or &\htrt urt. ,.,
The Wrtt^ by (bop»'a«d-haiit*^Q(2< glory raife.
And their de<ir!?a 4btl»wo^tc 10?. prai(e«
Js to (a^FO .41 ,|}iO Hjiof f^: th^f an tpi^^
JJans I cryt t^ father^ y>^^/(/^/ffy.%rf^ ,
Ta your fi0ii jArthlfi^.i^i^ ^ m^rt^ .
i.
It s
-Ste».
. f9^ Tn E ART t>F
Thus may yoai' ftock by maaage^kietft increa(b,
Y^mf warsihai) gdaytM moi^ihfifi Brita#»>{^ace«
Where love of vtrealtfaatid rafty coin prevait<^
What liopes ^)f fygar'd <^\k^or ykt/t^*d ^k'l
Cooks girhKtio^^C6ta^^\A^yf(>ttie thef^yt^
Or in^ft^imadtfne ^mixtiu^'fhe^ their Aijlt . ' .
Clog noiypWfi cmifttfwt mevli ; for diihet f£w
Increafe dNittppeUie,(#iiciii^iok:f audniew* ..
Ev'n they %^ wilPc*traYagaiic« ^jrofefs,
HavefttU anl^bwatdbati^e^fei^^xceftr ^
M^t fdi^d tbb miklb vatoiMk^ att^Ue; ^ :.
Few care for carViag tri^eA in ^ffgulfe> > ' » - /
'Or-tkat^fantai^ di(k (ome tiU ftirprifi^ ^
When pleases both the eye and palkte m«et.
That cook has fciidcr'd^ his great wbi-k^icompfefc .^
His gibry far, like firfoitis^'klifglitliood flle^^ * '
- Imniiortaltna^ea»iir//^ff4tf by'^bisjpiite* : ->;
jt-
^<3ooa nature itinftTome laiRngs owlodk, '
Not wilFuhieft, bat errbVs iof ^tbe co6k, ^ -
A ftring woifi ilwiys giW tfe ffetmdfdtfgiii'4
By the mofitiatf's Ud'tibi' ^nif fc^^^i^ Ufind t . <■ ^
Narwi!l^^^'artdv^*A-(JintliePa5Af^b6# ' ^^^
Still to the dtmt''^pmY'4k)i6^.i6T:}'^- v \K
; Peffiai« no tiff 18.af^wIi a>out fte dlAi. ^^ v
Or ndfly'tfyi»ney (tatfc<n'''d't)ittb€^€to;.iv\\ .n^:..
COD K E R T. r ipi^
Shall I m p^iBotttpokfmy'i^hntBfi-sAyf t , {
And hopes of patddiftoimjrccrioki^ajr^r r- - c J
|i*0r tWidg& Tiphibh catd^fsned niigklf )ove>iee, ' i '•
Arid z\l mtiakioAiCOimttdt u% mM:tt»ho h /r / ^
I.;Widi*c6npa(Ron oRce Qiay nvorloolc -^ , . ,
A fkewcr fcnt tbtablel>;yiiiiyTCi>ok> r? :: : .
But thtekflJot thereion^ttLmtifyVAY/fmngiTit •' ;T
That he fltou'd daily the fab«'i^ulCx:(?mblt, //
Fof fear the^Wfoatl fiead me Op tbeff^t. /
Poor Roger iTowTer liad a gei^^roa9 milird/' ' f .
Nor would fufecnif tb hive his hatid 4^oi€b'<), i '
But aim'd at all j yet never' coii'dcxceh' ' ;
In any thing bttt (luffing of his veal^ ' <
But when that difli was in perfediot^feen.
And that atonic/ woa'jd it not move your fplecB^f
^Tis true^ in aioog work ^fo^iluiiKbers cteep.
And geotly^fiiiW die artUi^iisto ileep^j , i >
Even Lamb himfelf, at the mod folema feaft^
Mi^ t have ibme tilmrgeri ;ooD etxtdfy 'dreft • -
AlJ
Tables ihoti*dbo;iik^jI»jll«fic$;tp tjc fightJ^
Some difhes cafl: iik> ihkdej ^jttngbfyrS^ i^^\g\i%9i ^ T
'5ome at a diftanpb hrighcep^fowe ^9*f ^2inji, .
^ome (hou'd be tnofd: wJbeorbfd&W* others 4,a(i j, a
Thro^ tlhe wliolc treat, fiftficnlivA tfi |}i6.t%j^* //
?/
\/M^«A.V
TOO T a k: : ART io r
Locket^ by ^9»ffli&9W»fyA\i9.ff&W9^
Up from the'kkfebfm cal£^dliit«ld«^T(|iki. - f r^^
<< ThQ* i^mth^H ffajs: be)^ thb^.iwaghthj mts,
"^ Yet fix thkrfaaUiwe in thffiotmmf^t ^^ m-
There are fikni^ jeonain thk^ti tbaii 6om*t:'OXsi9}^
And yet we fa;^ aoe ^c4«Tably weH i
There% .onniy^ "iiiarihf iiiefi a lawyer fthtt^ j
Wlionof tiwjTTdifii^giii&^HO'f middle fi^e^
For p]eadti^>teU at bftr^ or ttirDmig: beM^>
But this is not, my foD ! the fate of cooks,
From wlMrfarjny^arpaui tLitt^nt^ plAaAurfrffdrkigc,
To p4fliifg^t€^i gad V> tf^nf xif ki&g^ i .
A fimple^ieeaev a. difohUging- fongf
Which DO way to tbe maiii defig* beUiilg,
Or werff v&ey abfent netrar woti'd be mKi'd^
Have filadea weiK'WScrtight^coMi^djr b# hift^d:: /
^ So iu fttleaft^^te Jat»niiedif«te f»^
< Will be alldiif^; bntaettiMt^ bdk "^ na^M* h
Hetl^r^f^ito a«ntn sad jointrtovi^ak^ v''
From nine- pins, coftSy and from trap>bali abftaint j
Cudgelv i WmH iftlid^lliyotfT tiii w«#(l&i^ >Liid,< :
But cY^y dn«^tde€«Jke»tyS{rixtBiid«y?: :; i. :.t
Nor thki% tt«^*tt)^f^«'tiacbiif«Ulhcl3if^
But, ^>^1f ydik^ds^t^mai: '« pi^, be free z
Why^A^^ib B^£(Wfil^wteb<L«id6et,.(^/V3tSi Joe f
t »..
T-^
^^^ ' ^^^
t. .
G -a O K E R Y. ioi
We*ll fee vifcil 'lit «ii<Migbj wkea both eyei oQt^
Ot^W k> Vt^ii^l^ tike nice coocltidin^ bout.
But if it lie»llbotodgy tb^«r<kckrjag'« pkWd,
Nut by^the driMgiog^box to be recdli*d«
Our GanfW*ii fttbeH, fj>at'rog in tberr food, ^ ^
Firft broiU^ielifcirbiibted goib otrbars iif wood.*
Bb^TF^ungfti^Was' thi\t ftba^mng, or' tbiy* toik
Such'.Ut!a»ifluM (torn tbh^tiatlW rock. :i
Their fa^lU^ltog .w»< Aew fkr to fe^^ '^ » '*'
The poignant w&ter«grafs or i'av'ry leek ;
Until theJri^ifl|J)4ris.a4<iti^3iitJikifle; • b T
And taug^jy^a^4i«W iiPsr^aA^^Qdjhow to boii : -
Then Tb^eCfilirofey .and fweetjyiftrung
His Britiihharp^linftm^ng vbilft he lung :
Taught jfc<m>jlhathl:ii9ft/thef -ftiH poii;^
I 3y)or;.tf.u(ljV;^i(L0pif^ihft^fc> %h^k wadcft drcfi, "
Duty to kindred^ conftancy to friends, /, ,,
And inward; worthy which adw^ys r«coiin9»C:nd<!» '
Contempt of we^jljtih and pl^^fi^re^-to app^r - ..
To all mankind 5«rith hofpitable cheer.
In after,jg£fj^i^hj4j^tag[jhf ^^JS^ ,j.T
At hi&ro5p/^.ta^f.4A4^ef<?r4:iliriib^bti.i; t
~jCitie8eTafdj:^Qam^eB4*^forV4.tn fieM# «
>lonft^U"uMtt!4 l^pd jMdftOiH,43J«a.ni»'tl««Al'd>
-infpir'd. ttetf<?#*bri^i fouii ^ichlduie'erican. yield ^'
Then Gi^^theiprid^iofi W^wic^, triuly )gieat^ ok
To future bct<Jet idMft«*f<l|fJ*fetli ^ A^v
l.:^ JiiTi t
^■\
I i
204 TiH Bi A R T b r^
Hard face of wealth 1 were lofdi, is butch^ts '#:i(e;
They from their medt wou'd banlfiiiadl the flies* .?:
The Pc'fiao king* with wioeaod Ri^ffy iyowl' '
Searched to the dark recf iTes of thie foul : :^*r rr :'
That fo laid open no one might pretend,
Unlcft a mHn of wbnhy to be thelt»^rtjj«fek'-i >» j : O
Bot now the guefts ih^irr|>atrtM)]^ inititfrniio^y ^ c./ j> '1
And flander thetP fbr^hdhg ^beol their Wi^ew^ '• - '
Great men have dC4r|^y,thQt campaiildii^ bidn^ft^
Unlefsby theie ifiSTil^iiui'lotbey'JI be tfaugbts,: iS
They Ipread tb^tfrW^«4 ViU tb'emfeWtfi^ d^W
Were H9racc;> thfft^ifjtiiri^fter^iiypw'.aiiye^' i ^ ^^
A feaft with wi( atxd jadgfnefat he%] contritel
At thus — ^ — Supp^liog that you wou^.reheaefe v
A laboured vi^^ffC|'api}i)iH<?^F^^i<S^^^«^9>^^®^' ' i^ f ■ • ■
Fe*d fay, meiidthii^ an^ t'othei* line,, aod this |
If after try al it were (llUumiiif> . 7 •" .
He'd bid you gtVe jt a new turn of face, .
Or fet fome dt^rmbre curious ioitspUee*
If you pcrGft he wpu*^ uot ftrive to n^ove . \ , f. , ,,
A padion fo delightful asfelf^love. ^ ;' ri .
9
We (hou'd fttbmitour treats to critics view.
And evVy prudent cook (hou'd read BoflTu.
Judgment provides the m^^t inTeafon fitj • ^ ■ •'
Which >yo tbe gefiius-drefti it&faDce is wit.
Good
COOKERY. aof
Good beef fbr meo; pudding for jouth and age.
Come up to the decorum of the flage.
The critic ftrikes out all that i» not jud.
And 'tis e.v*n fo the butler chips his cru(t.
Poets and paftry cooks will be the fame.
Since both of them their images mud frame.
Chimeras from the. poet's fancy flow.
The cook contrives his (hapes in real dougli*
When trutn commands there^ no ro^n can ofTend,
That with a modeft love corre^s his friend r
Tho' 'tis in toafting bread, or bottViog peafe ;
So the reproof h)S temper, kindoeft, eafe.
But why fhou'd we reprove wlien faults are fmall ?
fiecaufe 'tis better to have none at all.
There's often weight in things that feem the lead,
And our mod trifling fellies raife the jefl.
'Tis by his cleanlinefs a cook mufl pleafe,
A kitchen will admit of no difeafe.
The fowler and the huntfman both may run,
Amidft that dirt which he mud nicely fhun.
Empedocles, a fage of old, would raife
A name immortal by uoufuaf ways %
At lad hit fancies^rew fo very odd.
He thought by roading to be made a god.
Though fat he leapt with his unwieldy duff
In Etna's flameis, fo to have fire enough.
2o6 Tus A R T or
Were my cook fat, and I a ilander hy,
I'd rather than hlmfelf hit fi(h ihoi^M fry » '
There are fotne perfons fo exceflive rude, "
That on your private table they'll iutrude.'
In vain you fly, in vain pretend to fadj
Turn like a fox they'll catch you at the laft.
You muft, fince hart and doors are no defence,
£v*n quit'your houfe as in a peftilence.
Be quick, nay very quick, or he'll approach.
And as you're fcamp'ring Hop you in your coach*
Then think of all your fins, and yon will fee
How right your guilt and punifhment agree :
Perhaps no tender pity cou'd prevail,
But you would throw fome debtor into jail.
Now mark th' effect of his prevailing curfe.
You are detain'd by fomething that is worle.
Were it in my eleAion I (hou'd choofe.
To meet a rav'nous wolf or bear got loofe :
He'll eat and talk, and talking ftill will eat^
No quarter from the parafite you'll get ;
But like a leech well fix'd he'll fuck what's good^
And never part till fatisfy'd with blood.
FINIS.
T H E
ART OF DANCING,
J p o i: M.
Infcribed to the Rlglu Hoi^oiarabk
Lady Fanny Fielding.
Writt^o by S. / £%
CAN T O I.
IN the fmooth dance to more with graceful mien^
Eafy with care, a^d fprightly tho' fereDe;
To mark th' inftrudlions echoing drains convey,
.And with juft fteps each taneful note^obey,
I tegch ; be prefent, alf ye facred Choir,
Blow the foft flute, and ftrlke the founding lyre ;
When Fielding bids, your kind affidante brings
And at her feet the lowly tribute fling r
Oh may her eyes (to her this verfe is due),
What firfl; themfelves infpir'd, vouchC&fc to Vitrw \
act ThbA&Tof
Hail loftieft art ! thoo caa'ft all hearts infnare^
And make the faired ftill appear more l^ir.
Beauty can little execution do,
UnlcA (he borrowf half her arms from you 1
Few, like Pygmalion, doat on lifeleft charms.
Or care to clafp a ftatoc in their arms i
Bnt breafti of flint muft melt with fierce defire,
When art and motioft wake the fleeping fire :
A Venus, drawn by great Apelles' hand.
May for a while our wond'ring eyes command.
But. dill, tho' form'd with all the pbwVs of art^
Tie liFelels piece can never warm the heart ;
So a fair nymph, perhaps, may pUafe the eye,
Whilft all her beauteous limbs una^ive lie;
t^iu when h«r £ha^ms'are in the dance difplay'd^
Then cv'ry heart adores the lovely maid :
This fets her beauty in the faircft light.
And (hews each grace in full perfedtion bright;
Then, as (he turns around, from every part.
Like porcupines, (he fends a piercing dart s
In vain, alas ! the fond fpedator tries
To (bun the pleafing dangers of her eyes/
For, Parthian, like, (he wounds as fare behind.
With flowing curls^ and ivory neck reclined:
Whether her fteps the Minuet's mazes trace^
Or the floNV Louvre's more majeftic pace ;
Whether the Rigadoon employs !.cr care.
Or fprightly Jigg dif^tlays'the nimble fair^
DANCING. $tf
At ewjtTj ftep oeir beftoiies we explore^
And worfhip ntw wb^l wie adooirM before :
So when ^Beas» in the Tyrian grove.
Fair Venus met;^ the charming queen of Love«
The beauteeut goddeft, whilil iuiinav*d (he ftoodjr
Seem'd fome fair nymph^ the guardian of the wood ;
But when (he mov*d, at once ber beav'aly laiea '
And graceful fiep coof^^&'d bright Beauty's quee»f
New glories o*er her form each inoiniei^ fife^
And all the goddeis opt o»; to his eyes. .
Now hafte, my Mufe, purfue thy deftin'd way, ^
What dreffes be(\ become the dancer» fay ;
The rules of drcfs forget not to impart,
A leflbn previous to the dancing art.
The foldier's fcarlet glowiog from afar,
Shews that his blooJy occupation's war ;
Whit (I the lawn band, beaeath a,double chin.
As plainly i'peiks divinity wt(hin;
The milk' maid fafe thro' drivlni; rains and fnows.
Wrap'd ill her cloak, and prop d on pattens goes i
Whilft the foft belle, imrtiUr'd in velvet chair.
Needs but the filken (hoe. and trufks her bofom bare:
The woolly drib, and Encli.h br^iad-cloth warm.
Guard well the horfeman from the beating ftorm,^
But load the dancer wiih to) great ^'wt\^\.>
Aad cail from cv'ry porG tVvc dcwv l^t^V \
ato Th E A R T' o F
Rather let hiin his a^ve litnb« difpUy
lo camblet tbia, dr; gioffy fa^u^Soy t.
Let no unwieldy pride hh (boulders prefs.
But uiry^ Vigbt, and eafy be his dre& ;
Thin be hh yielding foal, and low his heel, '
So !ha1i ht ntiobly bound, und fafely wheel.
But let not precepts known my vcrFe prolong^
Pi^cepts which ufd will better teach th:in fong ;
For ^hy ftiduld I'the gallant Ipark command^
M^ith clean white gloves to fit hb ready hand ?
Or in his fobb enlivening fpirits wear.
And pungent ialts to raife the fainting fair ?
Or hint, the fword that dangles at his fide.
Should Irom its lilken bandage be unty'd f
Why (hould my lays the youthful tribe advife,
Leaft fnowy clouds from out their wigs arife ;
So (haU, their partners mourn their laces fpoil'd^
And (hining filks with greafy powder foird ?
Nor Ueed I, lure, bid prudent youths beware,
Left with ere^ed tongues their buckles ftare ;
The pointed fteel (hall oft' their (locking rend.
And oft' th' approaching pettlco^ct offend*
And now, ye youthful fair ! I ling to you.
With pieafing fmiies my ufeful labours view :
^oryou the filkworms fine*wrought webs difplay,
4fio4i hbYwg fpin their little Uvt^^Nv^L^ \
DA NCI N G. an
For you bright gems with radiant colours glow^
Fair as the dies that paint tbeheat'nly bow/-
For you the lea reGgns its pearly dore.
And earth unlocks her mines of treafnr'd ore ;
In vain yet Nature thus her gifts beftows;
Unlefs yourfelvea with art tbofe gifts difpole*
Yet think not, nymphs, that in the glittering ball^
One form of dreis prefcrib'd can fuit with all ;
Cue brighteft fhines when wc^alth and art combine
To make the fini(h'd piece compleatly fine i
When lead adorn'd, another fteals our hearts^
And, rich in natire beauties, wants not arts :
in fome are fuch refiftlefs graces found.
That in all dreiTes they are fure to wound ;
Their perfed forms all foreign aids defpiie^
And gems but borrow luftre from their eyes.
Let the fair nymph, in whofe plump cheeks is (een
A conftant blufh, be clad in cheerful green ;
]n fuch a drefs the fportive (ea- nymphs go i
So in their graffy bed frefh rofes blow :
The lafs whofe (kin is like the hazel brown.
With brighter yellow (hould o*er-come her own :
While maids grown pale with ficknefs or defpair^
The fable's mournful dye ihould choofe to wear ;
So the pale moon ilill (hmes with ^ut^^W^x.^
Cloath'dia the dulky mantle of tVit u\^v. _^
\
fia T» ti ART Of
But hr from foQ be aii tbokt treacbVout arts^
That woiffid with pdhif cd chsrait inwary hearti:
Dancing's a tonchftone chat true beanty trm.
Nor falim chtraii tlHie N'ature't hand desivs:
Tho* for a mMk we may n4th wonder view
The roTy blu(h| aod Ana of lovely li»e^
Yet fooo the daoce will caufe the cheeks to glow^
And melt tbe wa^ea llpi, aad »eck, of foow^:
he fliHie the fields la icy i«tter» bcmsd^
Whil/l frozen gems bef^ngle all the grouikl $
Thro' the dear cryftal df tbe glftt'rlurg faow, ^
With fcaf^e dye the bleflliiig hawtboriis glow ;
O'er all the plaios uniMsmber'd gfories rife.
And a new bright creation charms our eyes :
Till Zephyr breathes, chco all at once decay '
The fpFendid fcencs, their glories fade away ;
The fields refign the beauties not their own.
And all their fnowy charms run trickling dowo.
Dare I in fuch momentous points advife,
I ftiould condemn the hoop*s enormous fize j
Of ills I rpeak by long experience found.
Oft' have I trod th' immeafurable round^
And mourn'd my (bias bruis'd black with many
a wound.
Nor (hon'd the tightened ftays, too ftraightly laVd,
la whale- boa^ bondage f^aU il»ft &tii4%T hi%\%\
DANCING. 213
Nor waving lappets (hou'd the daoting fair.
Nor ruffles edg'd with dangling fringes wear 1
Oft' will the cobweb ornaments catch hold
On the approaching button- rough with gold ;
Nor force, nor art can then the bonds divide,^
When once th* intangled gordian knot is ty'd t
So the unhappy pair, by Hymen's powV
Together join'd in fome ill fated hour.
The more they ftrive their freedom to regain.
The faAer binds th' Indiflbluble chain.
Let ieach fair maid, who fears to be difgrac'd.
Ever be fure to tye her garter fift, '
Left the loos'd ftring, amidft the public ball,
A wifh*d^fbr prize to fome proud fop (liould fall, '
Who the rich treafure (hall triumphant (hew,
And with warmblufhes caufe her cheelcs to glow.
But yet, (as Fortuneby the felf-fame ways
She humbles many, fome delights to raife)
It happen'd once^ a fair illuftrious dame
By fuch negleA acquirM immortal fame;
And hence the radiant ftar and garter blue
Britannia's nobles grace, if Fame fays true :
Hence ftill, Plantagenet, thy beauties bloom,
Tho' long fince moulder'd in the dufl^ tomb.
Still thy loft garter is thy fov'reign's care^
And wbdC each rojal bread vs ]^Toud 1^ ^^«t*
ax4 T H F A- R T OF
But let mc tKfw thy lovely charge refmi^d>
Left thcf forgetful leave their fani behiird ;
Lay not, ye faif, the pretty tof afide,
A toy at once d}fplay*d fbr ofe afad pride i
A wondVottS engine, that by magic charms
Cools your ownhfexft, and ev'ry otber'^i warms«
What daring bard (hall e'er attempt to tell
The pow'rs that in this little weapon dwell f
What verfe can e'er explain its various parts,
lis num'rous ufes, motions, charms and arts I
Its painted folds, that oft* extended wide,
Th' affli^edfair one'^ hluhber'd beautios hide.
When fecret forrows her fad bolbm filj.
If STREPaoN h unkiodf or Shock i» ill ;
Its (licks, on which her eyes deje^ed pore^
And pointing fingers number o'er and o'er,r
When the kind virgin burns with iecret (hame^
Dies to confent, yet fears to own her flame :
Its (hake triumphant, its vidorious clap,^
Its angry flutter, and its wanton tap I
Forbear, my Mufe, th' extenfive theme to (xng.
Nor truft in fuch a flight thy tender wing;
Rather do you in humble lines proclaim.
From whence this engine took its form and name {
Say from what caufe it firft dcriv'd its birth.
How form'd in hcav'Dy how thence deduc'd to earth*
Once
D A N C I H O. 315
Once ia Arcadiaj that {am'ii feat jqF love, -
There liv'<l a nympb, the prWe of all thegrore^
A lovely nympb> adoru'd with ev*ry grac^
An eafy (hape^ and fweetly-hloomiDg face;
Famnt the daiBfert name, as chaile as falr^
Each vir^n's envy, and each fwais'^ defpair {
To (iharm her ear the rival (hepherds fkig.
Blow the foft fltite, aod wake the tremblmg Ikrix^
For her they leave their wand'ring flocks to Tov>e,.
Whilft Fanny's name refonnds thro* evVy grov«.
And fpreads on ev*r^ tree, inclos'd in koot^nf
love;
A« Fielding's dow, her eyes all hearts inflame,
Like her in heauty, as alike in name.
^Twas when the fummer fun, now mounted high.
With Mercer beams had fcorch'd the, glowing^.
Beneath the covert of a cooling (hade.
To fliun the heat, this lovely nymph was laid ;
The fultry weaxher o'er her cheeks had fpread
A blufli, th»t added to their native r«d.
And her fair breafls, as poli(h'd <marble white.
Were half concealed and half exposM to (^bt |
JEoivs, the mighty god whom winds obey,
Obferv'd th& beauteous maid, as thus (he lay ;
O'er all her charms he gaz*d with fond delight.
And fuck'd in poifon at the dang'rous fights
2l6 The A R T of
He fighs^ he buros ; at laft declares his pain^
fiut ftill he fighs, and ftill he wooes in vain ;
The crue> nymph^ regardlefs of his moan^
Minds not his flame, uneafy with her own ;
Bat dill complains, that he who rulM the air
Wou'd not command one Zephyr to repair
Around her face, nor gentle breeze to play
Thro' the dark glade, to cool the fultry day ;
By love incited, and the hopes of joy,
111' ingenious god contriv'd this pretty toy.
With gales inceffant to relieve her flame;
And callM it Fan, from lovely Fanny's name.
C A N T o n.
NOW fee prepared to lead the fprightly dance.
The lovely nymphs, and well drefs'd youths
advance ;
The ipacioos room receives its jovial gueft.
And the floor fliakes with pleating weight opprefs'd :
Thick rang'd on ev'ry flde, with various dyes.
The fairjn glolTy filks our fight furprize :
So, in a garden bath'd with genial (howV^,
A tboufand forts of Variegated flow'rs, -^
Jonquil Is, carnations, pioks, and tulips rife,
And in a gay confufion charm out c^«««
D A N C I N G. ar?
High o*er their heads, with nuin'rous candies bright^
Large fconces Iked dieir fparkiiag beams <>f light ;
Their fparkling beams^ that dill more brightly glovr^
Refledied back from gems, and eyes below :
Unnumber'd fans to cool the crowded fair
With breathing zephyrs move the circling air.
The fprightly fiddle, and the foanding lyre
Each youthful breaft with genVous warmth inlpire;
Fraught wirh all joys the blifsfal moments fly.
While mufic melts the ear^ and beauty charms the
Now let the yoath, to whofe Hiperior place
It fird belongs the fpl^ndid baM to grace,
Wrth humble bow, and ready hand prepare.
Forth from the crowd to lead his chofen fair ;
The fair fhdli not his kind requeft deny.
But to the |>lealiag t«il with equal ardour fly.
But ilay, rafh pair, nor yet untangh^ advance,
Firft hear the mufe, ere you attempt to dance;
* By art dire^ed o'er the faaming tide
Secure from rock^ tYfc painted veffeU ;gllde i
By art the chariot fcours the dully plain.
Springs at the whip, and f hears^thcftratt'frfttg rein ;
* ^rtf cita vfioque rates, remoque, moventur,
ArU Uve% currus; Ov rp.
+ ■' Nee audit currm kahtti^e^* '^ vv^ »
fti8 T H E A R T o r
To art our bodies tiiud obedient prove>
If e'er we hope with graceful eaie to move*
Long was the dancing ar^ unfix'd and frce^
Hence lofl in error, and uncertainty,
No precepts did it mind, or rules obey,
But evVy mailer taught a diff'rent way ;
Hence, 'ere each new-born dance was folly try'd.
The lovely produA ev*n.in blooming dy*d.
Thro' various hands in wild confuilon tofs^d.
Its (leps were alter'd, and its beauties loll ;
Till X FuiLLEt, the pride of Gallia, rofe,
And did the dance in chara<flers compofe :
Each lovely grace by certain nfarks he taught.
And ev*ry (lep in lading volumes wrote :.
Hence o'er the world this pleafiog art (hall fpread.
And cv'ry dance in cv*ry clime be read,
By diftant mafters fhall each flep be Teen,
Tho' mountains rife, and oceans roar between ;
Hence, with her fifter arts, (hall dancing claim
An equal right to univerfal fame.
And IsAAC*8 rigadoon (hall live as long.
As Raphael's painting, or as Virgil's foog,
Wi(e nature ever, with a prudent hand,
Difpenfes various gifc» to ev'ry la&d,
% Fuillct wrote the Art of Dancing hy eharaSters
in French, fince tfanflated by Weaver.
To
DANCING. 219
To cv*ry nation frugally imparts.
A genius fit for fome peculiar arts ;
To trade the Dutch incline^ the Swiss to arms^
MuGc and verfe are foft Italians charms ;
Brita^ni4 judly glories to ha.ve found
Lands unexplored, and fail'd the globe around 1
But none will ru,re prefume to rival Framce> .
Whether {he forms, or executes the dance ;
To her exalted genius 'tis we dWe' •♦ "*
The fprightly Rigadoon arid Louvre flov^ ,
The Bore^ and Courante, unpradis'd long,
Th* immortal Minuet, and the i'moolh Bretagn%
Wit^ all tbofe dances of illuftrious fame^
* That from their native country take their name :
With thefe let ev'ry ball be firft begun.
Nor country-dance intrude 'till thefe are done*
Each cautious bard, 'ere he attempts tofihg^
Firft gently flutt'ring tries his tender wing ;
And if he finds that with wic.ommon fire
The mufes all his rapturM foul infpire.
At once to heav'h he foars in lofty odes.
And fings alone of heroes and of gods ;
But if he trembling fears a flight fo high.
He then dcfcends to fofter elegy s
And if in elegy he can't fucceed.
In paft'ral he may tune the oaten read : .
♦ French danctu
T a And
3^0 Th X a R T of
So fhouM the dancer, 'ere be tries to move.
With care his Areogth, hi« weight, and genius
prove ;
TheD| if he finds kind Bature's gifts impart
Endowments proper for the dancing art^
If in himfelf he feels together join 'd.
An a^ive body and ambitious mind.
In nimble Jligadoons he may advance.
Or in the Louvre's flow majeftic dance ;
If thefe he fears to reach, with eafy pace
Let him the Minuet's circling mazes trace :
Is this too hard f this too let him forbear^
And to the ponntry^dafice confine his care*
wouM you in danctng cv*vy fault avoid,
To keep true time be your fird thoughts employed ; ,
All other errors they in vain (hall mend.
Who 10 tills o^e important point offend I
Pur this, when now united hand in hand
£igci to f!art the youihFul couple ftani^.
Let them awhile their nii]:ible feet reibain,
And with ioft taps' beat time to ev'ry ftraid i ^
So, for the race prepar'd, two courfers (land.
And with impatient pawings fpurn the fand*
In vain a mafter (hall employ his care,
Where nature once has fix'd a clumfy air ;
Rather
DANCING. fl2i
Rather let fucti, to country fports coofinM, *
Purfue the fiytog hare^ or tim'rous hind :
Nor yet, while I the rural 'fquire defpife^
A mien efieminate wou*d 1 advife ;
With equal fcorn I wou'd the fop deride.
Nor Jet him ^ance ——but on the woman's fide. .
And you, fair nymphs, avoid with equal care^
A ftupid dulnefs, and a coquet air i
Neither with* eyes, that ever love the ground,
Afleep, Jike (pinning tops, run round and round ;
Nor yet with giddy looks, and wanton pride.
Stare all around, and Ikip from fide to fide.
True .dancing, like true wit; is befl: exprefs'd
By nature only to advantage drefs'd ;
'Tis not a nimble bound, or caper high.
That can 4)retend to pleafe a curious eye ;
Good judges no fuch tumblers tricks regard.
Or tl^ink them beautiful, becaufe they're hard.
*Tis not enough, that ev'ry (lander- by
No glaring errors in your fteps can fpy i
The dance and mufic mud fo nicely meet,
£i(ch note (hou'd Teem an echo to your feet s
A namelefs grace mu(l in each movement dwell.
Which words can ne'er. exprefs, or precepts tell ;
3ta T H s A R T o F
Not to he tt%ghtf We vt^T tQ be £e6ti
In Flavia's air, and Chlo^^s eafy mien ^
*Ti8 fuch an air tliat inakei her thdu(adds fall.
When Fielding dancdB at a birch*>Btgbt ball i
Smooth as Camilla file BuaiB o'er the'pUlv,
And fiiei like her thro' c)rowds of hereea flala*
' Hew ivben the minuet oft' repeated o*er,
{Like all terreftrial joys) can pleafe njO moie^
And ev*ry nymph, refufing to expand
Her charms, declioes tl&e circulating hand.
Then let the jovial countrydance begin.
And the load fiJdlea call each ftraggler in :
But, 'ere they come, permit me to difciofe
How firft^ as legends tell^ this paftime role.
In ancient times (fuck times are now no more !}
When Albion's crown illuftrious Arthur, wore.
In fome fair-op'ning glade, each fummer's night,
Wharfrthe pale moon di£fus*d her filver light,
On the foft carpet of a graffy field.
The {porting fairies their aflem biles held :
Some lightly tripping with their pygmy qaecn.
In circling riaglets mark'd the level green 5
Some with foft notes bade mellow pipes refouad.
And mufic warble thro' the groves around j
Oft* lonely (hepherds by the foreft fide,
Behtcd pealUntt oft* tbelr tciit\al2^M^
hii^L
D A N C I N G. at!
AndlioBif! returning:, o'er the outgrown «le>
Their guefts diverted with the wood 'rou» tale.
] uftru^ed hence, throughout the Britifh ifle, .
Aod fond to Imitate the pleafing toil.
Round. where thetremhling may^pole's fix'd on high^
And hears its flow'ry honours to the (ky.
The ruddy maids, and fun-burnt fwalns refort.
And. pra^ife ev'ry night the lovely fport 4
On ev'ry (ide i£olian artifts (land,
Whofe adtive elbows fwelling winds comtnaod ;
The fweliiog winds harmonious pipes infpire.
And blow in cvVy bread a genVous fire.
Thus taught at firft the country«dance began.
And. hence to cities and to courts it ran ;
Succeeding ages did in time impart
Various improvements to the lovely art :
From fields and groves to palaces removM,
Great ones the pleafing exercife approv'd /
Hence the loud fiddle, and (hrill trumpet^s founds,
Are made companions of the i)ancer*s bounds ;
Hence gems, and filks, brocades, and ribbons join.
To make the ball with perfed luflre (hine.
So rude at firft the tragic mnfe appeared.
Here voice alone by ruflic rabble heard.
Where Iwifting trees a cooling arbour mide.
The pleasM ipedators fat beneath the (h^d«)
'tVJL
314 The A R T of
The homely flange with rufhes green was ftrew'dj
Andlo a cart the ftroMing a^ors rode ; ^
Till time at length improved the great defign.
And bade the fceaes with painted Undlkips ikine/
Then art did all the bright roachinea difpofe^ .
And theatres of Parian marble rofe $
Then mimic thunder fhook the canvas (ky.
And gods defcended from their towVs on high«
•w • : ^ . ' »
With cantioB now let evVy youth prepare
To choofe a partner from the mingled fair /
Vain wou*d be here th' ioftrufling mufe*s voice^
If (he pretended to dire^ his choice :
Beauty alone by fancy is exprefs'd.
And charms in different forins each different bread ;
A fnowy (kin this amorous youth ad<T)ires,
Whilfl nut-brown cheeks another's bofom fires^
Small waids and flender timbs fome hearts infnare^
While others love the more fubilantial fair.
But let not outward charms your judgments fway.
Your rcafon rather than^our eyes obey.
And in the dance, as in the marriage noofe,
Rather for merit, than for beauty, choofe i
Be her your choice^ who knows with pcrfe^ fkill
When (be fhou*d move, and when (he (hou'd i>e dill i
Who uuindrudled can perform her diare,
Aodkiadly half the plea&ng burden bear.
DANCING. 22S
Unhappy is that hoplefs wretch's fat^.
Who fetter'd in the matrimonial (late.
With a poofi fimple^ unexpcrienc'd wife.
Is forc'd to lead the tedious dance of life j
And fuch is his, with fuch a partner join'd,
A moviiig puppet, but without a. mind :
Still mud his hand be pointing out the way>
Yet De*er can teach fa fad as (he can dray ;
Beneath her follies he mud ever groaiiy
And-ever bluih for errors not his own.
But now behold united hand 4a hand.
Ranged on each Ude^ the well p;i.ir'd couples dand 1
Each youthful bofom beating with delight,
Waits the ik fignal for the pleafing fight s
While lovely eyes, that flafh unufal rays^
And fnowy hubbies pul I'd above the days,
Qifick bofy hands, and bridling heads declare.
The fond impatience of the darting fair*
And fee, the fprightly dance is now begun !
Now here, now there^ the giddy maze they run ;
Now with dow deps they pace the circling ring.
Now all confus'd, too fwifc for light, they (jpring*
The undidingui(h'd fpokes are in the motion lod«
So, in a wheel with rapid fury tors*d.
The dancer now no more requires a guide,
To no dria deps his nimble feet we t^^^i
'W^
*J3
\ • ■
226 The art of
The mufe's precepts here wou*d ufelefs be.
Where all isfmcy'd, unconEu'd, and frcti
Let him but to the mufic's voice attend.
By this inftru(5led, he can ne'er offend ;
If to bis (hare it falls the dance to lead.
In well-known pathi he may be fure to tread :
If others lead, let him their motions view.
And in their fleps the winding maze purfue*
In ev'ry country-dance a ferious mind,
Turn'd for refle<5tion, can a moral find,
t . . . .... , .
In hunt-the-fquirrel, thus the nymph we vxew> •
Seeks when we fly, but flies when we purfue :
Thus in round dances, where our pattnefs cb^nge^
And unconfin'd from .fair to fair we range.
As foon as one from bis own con fort flie8>
Another feizes on the lovely prize :
A whije the fav'rite youth enjoys her charms.
Till the next comer deals her from his arms.
New ones fucceed, the laft is ftill her care s
How true an emblem of th' ioconfliatit fail: !
• • - r
where can philofophers, and (ages wife,^
••Who read the curious volumes of the (kies,
A model more exaA than dancing name,
Of the creation's univerfal frame f
Where worlds unnu;nber*do*x^ th* «tberial way,
//7 ji bright reguUrconfuiiou&tai'fi
\^w«
DANCING. 257
Now here, now there, they whirl along the (ky,
Now near approach, and now far diftant (iy.
Now meet in the fame order they begun, •
And then the great celeftial dance is done*
Where can the mor*ir(l find a jufter plan
Of the vain labours, and the life of man I
A while thro' juftling crowds we ten! and fweat^
And eagerly pur Cue we know not what ; .
Then when our trifling (hort-liv*d race is run.
Quite tir'd dt down, joft where we firft begun* '
Tho' to your ajms kind fate's indulgent care
Has giv'p a partner exquifitely fair.
Let not her charms -fo much engage your heart.
That you negledl the (kilful dancer's part.
Be not, when yoD the tuneful notes fhould hear,
Still whfp'ring idle prattle in her ear.
When you (hou'd he employ 'd, be not at play.
Nor for your joys all others ftepa delay : /
But when the fini(h*d dance you once have done.
And with applauf^ thro' ev'ry couple run.
There reft awhile : there fnatch the fleeting blift.
The tender whifper, and the balmy kifs.
Each fecret wi(h, each fofter hope confefs.
And her raoifl palm with eager fingers prefs ;
With fmiles the fair (hall hear your warm defires.
When miific mel^s ber foul, and d9Ltic\t\%^t^v
-XVvv^
2SS ThbARTof
Thus, mix'd with love, the pleafiirg toil purfae.
Till the UD welcome morn appears la view.
Theo, wheo approaching day Its beams difplays^
And the dall candles (hioe with fainter rays ;
Then when the fan jnfl rifes o*er the deep^
And etch bright eye is almoft fetin deep.
With ready hands, obleqaious youths, prepare
Safe to her coach to lead each chofen fair.
And guard her from the tnorn's inclement air :
Let a warm hood enwrap her lovely head.
And o*er her neck a handkerchief be ^read^
Around her fhoulderslet this arm be cad,
Whilil ^at from cold defends her Deader waift.
With k>fles warm her balmy lips fhall glow,
Uuchiil'd by nightly damps, or wintry fnow.
While gen'rous white* wine, mull'd with ginger
warm.
Safely protects her inward frame from barni, .
But ever let my lovely pupils fear
To chiil their mantling blood with cold fmall-beer.
Ah, thoughtlels fair ! the tempting draught refiife.
When thus fore-wara'd by my experienc*d mufe»
Let the fad confequence your thoughts employ.
Nor hazard future pains for prefentjoy ;
Dedrudion lurks within the pou'nous dofe,
A fatal fever, or a pimpl'd nofe.
DANCING. 329
Thus, thrp* each precept of the danciog art.
The mufe has play'd the kind indrudlor's part ;
Thro* ev'rjr maze her pupils (he has led.
And pointed out the furefl: paths to tread :
No note renains s no more the goddefs lings.
But drops her pinionsi and unfurls her wings ;
On downy beds the weary dancers He,
And deep's filk cords tie down each drowfy eye i
Delightful dreams their pleadng fports rellore.
And ev'n in fleep they feem to dance once nore.
And now the work compleatly finifh'd lies^
Which the derouring teeth of time defies ;-
Whilft birds in air, or fi(h in ilreams we find.
Or darafels fret with aged partners join'd ;
As long as nymphs (hall with attentive ear
A fiddle rather than a fermon hear ;
So long the brighteft eyes (hall oft peru(e
The ufeful lines of^my inftrudtiire mufe i
Each belle (hall wear them wrote upon her fan.
And each bright beau (hall read them— —if he tan*
FINIS.
% U
!
HARLEQ^UIN-HORACE?.
O R T H E
A R T
o P
MODERN POETRY.
Tempora mutantur, & nos mutamur in Hits.
T O
J_.N R — H, EsQ^; &c. &c. &c.
Worthy Sir,.
I DOUBT not moft affuredly but great will be
your aftonifhment, to find your name prefixed
to this our epijile dedicatory , leeing true it is, that
We neither previoufly craved your confent there-
to, nor could prefume to do it by virtue of any
perfonal acquaintance with you, forafmuch as
our remexnbrance chargeth us not with having
£ccn you at any time, fave in the guife of a hob'
by horfcy bully fpaniely or fome other fuch like
animal y in which you generally chufe to commu-
nicate yourfelf to the public.
But' to what worthy perfonage could we fb
meetly ^pply for protection, as to him who is
the great patron of the Art we here treat on?
all the dcledtable repreCentaiions you have enter-
tained us with, have been put together in ab-
fblute conformity to the rules we have Inid down?
nay verily, but from thofe are the rules them-
felves extracted in likeways as Ariftotle compiled
his Art of Antient ^Poetry from the writings of
that then renowned ballad-make r Horper. More-
over it was you, Sir (to yt)ur evcrl^itling honour be
it recorded), that firfl introduced among us the"
prefent delicate and amazing tafle in our divcr-
fjons; and it is to your laudable zeal and. unpa-
ralleled agility that it owes its ruccefs. Indefa-
tigable in wtll-doing, you couragcoully perlcvere
to furmount all oppofition, and riik your very neck
for its encouragement and fo^ip^^t.
We might here aptly take occ?kt\ox\ ^ ^\y > ^"^ v;i>C^
U 3
234 DEDICATION.
to you about your forefathers, not weening but
you bave had as many as any peer in the realm,
and thofc too peratlventure of as notable memory;
but you (corn to build your fame on any bottem
fave your own, and judly refolve to Jiand on
your own legs for reputation. You are happy.
Sir, in yourfclf, and from yourfelf. You are blef*
fed with every natural qualification which is re-
quid te to one in your profeffion, and have, to a
great perfe<flion, acquired the art of leading
people by the fiofe. Yx>u have Wit enough to
make your. ad vantage of the follies of others, and
chymiftry enough to extract gold out of every
thing but common fenfe, and that, both as wit
and chymiji^ you have nothing to do with ; neither
in verity (hpuld you ; for one in your way can no
more expedl to thrive by common fenfe, than a
Weftminfter juftice by common honefty, or a
Govent-garden bawd by common modefty. You
prudently look on mankind to be one half knaves,
and t'pther fools, and concluded juftly, .that, to
entertain both forts, there niuft.be a joint mixture
of trick and buffoonfy, every one delighting iri^
the reprefentation of what is mod natural to him^
or in u'hicli he labours to excel. Thus an up*
Tight citizen is wonderfully diverted to fee the
devil over-reach Dr Fauftus in a bargain : a re^
vjj^end limb of the law, at Teeing liarlequrn
turned judge, take bribes of both fides, without
doing juftice to cither : whilft thofe (hoals of
templars, beaux, and luivyer^s clerks, the toupee
ivorthies of Tom's, Dick's, and White's, that
compofe the other part of yodr audience, receive
inexprefTible fitisfacTtion and tranfport, at behold-
ing your worfliip transformed into an afs or an old
vjoniayi, and your tables and chairs into wheel-
barrjDWs, and coblers ftalls.
PEI>ICATION. 235
Then, as to ibc fair fex, Sir, you are not un*
knowing in what tends to their recreation-.
You deeui, we conjedlure, one moiety of them to
be ^cfy civil gen ilevv omen, a«d no better than
they Jhould be 7 the other to be ill-natured
prndes, becaofe they are forced to be really bet*
ter than they vjoulfl ie, and coa(equently that, to
bit the tables of the whole, there miift be an
equal quantity of fmutand icandal.
Nay,, unfpeakable is the fervice you bave done
the public in this refpedl : for whereas, to the
foul difcouragement of wit and huaxsur among
115, our women were in paftdays fo (queamidily de-
licate, that a pleafant liint, or waggiHi jed would
have frightened them out of a room; they are
now (thanks toyoiir inftruJiions, Sir!) as- impene-
trably proof againd any thing that tends to put
them out of countenance, and altogether as inca*>
pable of the weaknefs of a blufh, a^ Heydigger,
Henley, or yourfclf.
They can, with manifeft eafe, and tranquility,
fit out an epilogue, or farce, that defcribes^ to
them in plain terms, the ivay of a man ivith a
maid; and not flievv the leafl difcompofure, or
emotion, when the mod fignificant geftures are
reprefented in a dance. A(loni(hing philofb-
phy ] what fufficient retaliation can we fathers
and hufbands make that worthy perlbn, who has
been the happy inflrument of fo powerfully cor*
recting the vicious inclinations of our wives and ^
daughters, that they are not to be moved hy any
thing that can be faid to them. This indeed is
the great defign, the ultimate end of all drama*
tic writings; fo to mould and temper the pafHons,
as^to purge and refine them, by the- very means
they are excited: and the atchvevcwv^wx. <i^ \W^
gioYious work^ is ydur laud&blt a\vc\ \w ^J^. ^^xxx
236 D E D I € A T I ON.
performances. You profoundly judge, that one-
poifon is bed expelled by another ; that incontin-
ency is tnoft efFeduaUy cured by naorc incontio^-
ency, like heaping on fuel to put out the fire;
and that the reprefcntation of lewdnefs, is the
mod powerful reftraint from the pra«flice of it;
agreeable to the maxim of thofe wife heathens
who made their flavcs drunk, to fliew their ions
the deformity of the vice.
In fine, Sir, it may be very emphatically
affirmed of you, that you know the world, Yoii;
have a commenfurate idea of the length, depth,
and breadth of all the choice fpiriti aud fir je genU
us's of the age. You are convinced by happy
experience, that the pleafures and .diverfions
which the prefent race of mortals are mod fond
of, are fuch as do the mofl; effetftually impofe
both on their fenfes and underdandings ; and
that th^ ntmod fatisfa(^tioi> they receive, is from
being viflbly played the fool with. That their
judgments have got the fiilfy^ and their imagi-
nations the Sf Vitus'/ dance The fird, benum-
cd, infenfible, and unaCUve the lad convul-
fed, ridiculous, and unnatural ; and, like a true
quack, you continue to apply anodynes to thofe,,
and volatile J to thefe.
You are a thorough mader, Sir,of the great and
lucrative Art of Delufion,and every thing is taken
for gold that but goes through your hands. You
can make profanenefs pafs for wit, and lewdncf^
for polite converfation; fculding for raillery, and
hec^toring for courage, a fool's coat for pure hu-
mour, and a tweak by the rwfe, or a box on the
ear, for keen repartee. The prefent fet of cri-
tics who prefide in the theatres, and call them-
felves the town, are gentlemen, you well know, of
luch curious conftitviUoivs, as q^tv >av wq \xvt;sA-v%.
DEDICATION.
undfrgo the drudgjery of tbinking* To their
tafte therefore do you prudently proje<ft to reduce
your prod u<fi ions. To apply to their judgment you
cannot y for yon are convinced they' have-none ; and
to accoit their fenfes rn a natural way, would be
likwife impolitic; for thofe being a fort of inlets,
or Jink holes to the underftanding (which in
thcie gentlemen I look on to be a kind of com*
mon fevjer)^ it would be only diilurbing the ^2^^i*
die, to befpatter yourfelf. Well judged there-
fore it is of you, Sir, to endeavour to engage
them by fuch diverfiom, as were never before
feen, heard^ or conceived ; and never can be
^dged of or underdood. In which attempt yon
^have fb wonderfully/ and meritorioufly fucceed*
cd, that whilft the fub lime of a Shakefpeare, the
tender fwfs of an Otway, and the humour of a
Vanburgh, are reprefenied by a Booth, a /Wilkes,i^
and a Cibber, to empty benches ; you can, by thc^
lingU wave of a harlequin^ s hvandy conjure the
whole town every night into vawr civcU / wiiere,5
like a true cunning man^ you amufe them with a
tew puppy^s tricks, while you juggle them out o^
their pel/,and then cry out wxthanoteof triuuipbj^
Si Mundus vult declpif decipiatur.
And now, Sir, having given you a full and true
account of yourfelf, we come next (confonant to
the laudable cuftom of dedications) to fay fome-
thing of ourfelves, with a word upon our per-
formance*
As to the following .piece, it is Horace nev)
drejfed, modernized, done into Englijh, adapted to
the prefent tajie, or rather, metaphorically fpeak-
ing, it is Horace turned Artr/^(jtimjW\\\\Vv^^^^
where hh heels ihould be j '^a ns\\\c\v ^^^xvx^ v*^
23S D E D I q A T I O N.
ween not but he will be well received by you. Sir,
and in confequence of that, by the whole town*
Nee Phabo' gratior ulla eft.
^am fibi q^uce Vari prcefcriffit pagina nomen^
But here fue we for pardon, in not having con-
fidered that you afe too much both of a modern
fine gentleman and poet, to underlland quotati-
ons from fuch antiquated authors; howbeit we
are warranted hereunto by the daily pradlice of
our brethren, who never fail to interlace, and trim
their dedications with fcraps from authors at once
fo very foreign and aenigmatical, that neither
their patrons or themfelves are travelled enoughs
to unriddle them.
And now for the critics, — tho(e malevolent
mungrils, whofe barking we defpife ; thofe hogs,
whofe only delight is to feed on ordure, and of-
fals; thofe blundering oxen, who tread down
the good com, only to come at the weeds; thole
black-birds, who will be always picking holes in
the faireft fruit; thofe ruffians, with dark Ian-
thorns, which contain juft light enough to. (hew
them the way to murder other people; thofe
rats, which tear books to pieces, only to come at
the pafte they are glued with ; thofe oivU, batts,
vultures, drones, bears, tigers, crocodiles, dra»
gons, we dread not, abominate, negleidt, and con-
temn ; being thoroughly fatisfied with ourfelves,
and this our performance ; well knowing that
What we have done, will be of infinite fervice to
mankind in general, and greatly tend to the ad-
vantage of our own dear countrymen and bre*
thren ; the comfortable refle<ftion upon which,
and the approbation we (hall unqueflionably re-
ceJve from the town (and for vsVivcVi yj^Xvj V^ald
DEDICATION. 23P
t>f tliis opportunity to return them our humble
and hearty thanks), will fbpport us under all the
oppofition we may meet with from, the above-
mentioned Hottentots ; and will encoacage us to
go on to the utmoll of our power, and publiOi
ibmething more as fpeedily as poffible.
One word more, Sir, and we bid you adieu; we
]iad once purpofed to make the following work
more acceptable to the erudite^ by calling at the
foot of each page, a competency of notes both cri-
tical and explanatory ; but upon more mature de-
liberation, we determined to leave this part to the
penetrating, nice ^efling, and laborious Dr
Zoilus ; no way doubting but he will execute it
with equal aftonifliment and fatisfa<5lion to the
gentle reader, as he has already done with re-
gard to our original author*
And now. Sir, begging pardon both of your-
ielf and the public, for taking up fb much of
Siur precious time, which is always employed hi
eir fervice, and in treating Mercury and Venus
to take you into their protection, praying at the
iame time that you may never grow fat^ or be
laid by the heels, but may ever remain /lender,
jiippant and free, both for the recreation of this
«netropolis^ and your own private emolument.
Ifuhfcrihe myfelf,
With all due fubmijjion^
* Tour humble Admirer ^
And hearty WelU'V)i[berj
HARLEQUINr
H A R L E CtU I N - H O R A C E ;
OR THE
A R T
O F
MODERN POETRY.
IF fotne great artift, in wh«fe works conipire
The grace of RaphaeV, and a Titian's ^re,
Should toil to draw the portrait of a fair
With Shaft(b*ry*s mten, and Harvey's pleafing atr ^
hfiafe that might with lovely Queen ^'rough's vie,
TYitftntle of Vanburgh, ^nd a Hertford's eye,
'Till the whole piece fliould like a Richmond (hine^
One fini{h*d form in cv'ry /ur/ divine.
Tho* thu« with all that's juftiy pleafing fraught,
0\xv modern connQtffeurs would fcom the draught.
Such treatmeat, friend^ you miift expe^ to find,
Whilft art and nature in your works are j^in'd.
'Tis not to think with flrength, and write with
eafe,
No— 'ti» the JE^riS^mma hqw m>A .^X^^^-ft i
TtaT.^
248 HARLEQ^UIN. HORACE,- o%
Things without bead, or tail, or form, or grace,
A wHd, forc'd, glaring, unconnedled mafs.
Well ! bards, you fay , like paioters, licence claim.
To dare do any thing for bread^or — fame.
*ris granted— therefore cifc your utmoft might.
To gratify the town in all you write?
A thoufand jarring things together yoke.
The d^g^ the dome, iht temple^ ancf tht joke g
Confult no order, but for ever fteer
From grave to gay, from florid to fevere.
Ta grand beginnings full^f pomp and (how.
Big things profeftj and brags -of what you'll do :
Still fome gay, gHtt'ring, foreign gewgaws ]oin,
Which, like gilt points on * Peter's C9at^ may
fliioe ;
Defcriptioos which may make your readers flare.
And marrel how fuch pretty things came there.
So old -I* Oinarchus t9]ling on his bed, ^
In dreadful vifions that his daughter bled,
A friend comes in, and with reflexions deep^
Defcants upon x\it fweetnefs of his fleep/
When up the dre ftarts trembling from his dream.
And ftraight prefents you with a purling flreitm,
Defcribes
* Vide Tale of a Tub.
\ Vide thefe Beauties in a modern P\ay^ called
Timolton, a Tragedy^
ART or MODERN POETRY. 243.
Defcribes the rlvUet roving ihro' the trees.
The dsLUCiog /uri'&^ams, and refrefhing breezc»
Thus ne'er regard connexion, time, or place^
For fwcet variety ^as every grace.
Suppofc you're {kill'd in the Parnafllan art,
To purge the paflioos, and corredi the heart.
To paint mankind in ev*ry light^ and flage.
Their various hun[iour?, charadlers, and a ge,^
To fix each portion in its proper place,
And give the whole one method, form, and grace ;
What's that to us \ who pay our pence to' fee
The great produdlions Ki^ profundity ,
Shipwrecks, and monfters, conlurers, and godsy
Where every gart Is with the whole at odds«
With truth and likelihood we all are grievV,.
And take moft pleafure when we're moft deceiv'd.
Now write obfcure, and let your words move flow.
Then with full light and rapid ardor glow ;
In one fcene make your her9 cant and whinis^
Then,, roar out liberty in every line ;
Vary one thing a thoufand pleaiing ways.
Shew whales in woods, and dragons in ihtfeas^-
Ta (hun a fault's the ready way to fall,.
Corredtnefs h th^ grcateft fault of alU
1
144 HARLEOUIN-HORACE; ea (
I
What tbo' in Pope's harmonious lays combine^
All that is lovely^ noble^ and divine ; v
The* every part with wit and nature glows.
And from each line a fwett indruAion flows ;
Tho' thro' the whole the loves '3Lt\6 grdces fmile,
Folifh the manners^ and adorn the (lile f
Yet flill unhappily to fenfe tied down.
He's ignorant of th' art to pleafe the town.
Heav'n grant I never wHte like him I mention.
Since to the iays I could not make pretenfion,
Nor; t/fre/b fir 'like f hope to obts^in apeafion.
Ne^er wait for fubje^s equal to your mlgbt^
For then 'tis ten to onejrou never write i
When hunger prompts you, take the firft you meet.
For wha'd dand chfi^ng whm he vt^ants to eat ?
Beddes, neceflity's the keened whet ;
He writes tiie^ifatur&l who 'S the mdft in d^bt.
Take theh Ho pains a method to maidtain,
Or link yout work in a contino'd cha?n.
But cold, dull order glofiodfly difd^n.
Now here, now* there, launch boldly frow your
therae.
And make furprlfing ilov'elfi^s your altnj
Bombaft, and farce, thefock and bulldn Uead,
Begin with ^///fler^ and with haiudrj^ end.
t In
ART CF MODERN POETRY. a/iS
In coiDiDg words your own difcretion ufe; '
For coin you mnfl: to full the modern maf&.
New terms adapted to the purpofe brings
Wiicn eagles are to talk or ajfes fing.
No matter that from Greece, or Rome, they come/
An £ngli(h.poet fcorns to go from h^rne^
Why (bould to modern Tibbald be denied.
What antient Settle would have own'd with pride \
Or why (hould any mock or envy me^
For writing a new Jiri ^f Poetry /*.
Since Welfied^ Philips, Ward, have given us ftorc
Oi beauties which were never known before.-
For^ as the ftately oaks, that late were (ecu >
Proudly compa^dd, eminently green,
Robb'd of their, leafy honours, ilraggling bow, ,
Their hoary heads beneath the failing fnow / .
So nature, wit, and feu fe mufl; hlafted'h\\p
Whilft blooming ignorance prevails o'er all* •
No work fagreat, but. what admits decay ,.
No ii(f? fo glprious, but muft fade away.
Blenheim's raft pile (hall moulder into duft, .
And George's fta-tucs be confumM Jjy ruft;
Old t\img% muft yield to new, cominon to ft range,
Perpetual motion brings perpetual change.
Lo ! Shakefpearc's head is cru(li*d by R h's heels^ .
Axid a throng'd theatre in Goodman's fields.
X 3 . Lo.M
a4« HARLEQ,UIM*HORAC6» on
Lo ! Smitbfield ihow^i a ftiijk'il tknan tagiM^ -,<^
And HuT\6%\}fr\mi\kr eh^ttnf the kHtWirfg ig^^* .;
Since manners altier thus >&e iho'iijh. tac^6 ■ «
Themes fuitcd tb the fcighteg ti^ft* Ih(^')t^^WW«-«;^
What bai^d fijf ftartfing fotffe w^buM i«fei» Je^A,
When fruitful fdHy ii f h' eft tfbltfti'd /i7/# .^
the v^z?f to ^^It^ 6f^kek*ofc*, ilid b^Mrk^i^
And fing in wowiT/'w/ ntifniefi'Ti>i^>«/^/'W^/ tWiigfe
Of mighty mattefs dbtte id bbddy battli^^
Hdv7 armr meiet' 2<rhii> A;^brd3i clafh/ anif cfaoriidtf<
rattle,
riow fuch flrange toils^ and turmoils to rehearfe.
Is Icariit froni Bt ' ^ ' ' " 'g^V titfUi^ng vtf^ti
To fiog of ftwphcrds^ atrd of (fc«!f4icrdei(li«.
Their a\^rkWard humours/ dialogues', stftd di'dto :
The mander how* they plow, 8<nd(bW, aiw! ^lefap*,
* How fiHy /*<?/, wWd^ filly fhdK fhti^ Atfeji^
/« mantles blue, r/r/^ /i^// // or^er the gi'ccto.
In Namhy Pamlfs paft?Vats may be feeri.
.T Id in fMil ampUat of dullriifs clad,
Halfh^xdf ha/fpupptt-mzn, half foo], half m^d,
Rofe next' to charm the ear, and pUafe the eye,
With tfv*ry moftfter bred beneath the (ky/
* Two Lsnei In lh\\\\\^i*s Pajlordls,
- t
ARtc?!^ A^drrtrtK POETRY. tJ^
' His;^f64t^cofti*atf(ieai»t!i^ifkfige8 obey, ^
* And cv'ry drcadfiil it^ri\\6f ttfe fea ;
Amazed we view (by hii (iVaragfc pdwV convey*d)
^hBti6^4iif)L thrbiie, tni htWatttrntt^otis (hadd;
Then change the tttvitf and \o\ he'a>dn^8 Brffifht
abodes!
^t dance w!(h godfd^filisy atiiii (Ikig^ ifiih go^^ ;
tnc^rc^ mcire, t\tigi thro* the rajJttrt' J f 6tfnd,
Encore, encore , the tfctholtfg rddft refdiind.
IChe fdcred Aine ird g^ye tli'aricomWfoti luck
To charm the royal t^r, to Sfeph^A Duck;
To fing the threjher*s lahours, and recite
Things done by man ofCod for Shunamte.
Laborious Duck! who with prodigions paifii
Haft thrcfh'd from thy coarfe, tough, half-yield.j
ing brain,
A moft abundatlt crop o£ golden grain.
* But which of thefe the Laureates wreath (hall
• ,wear.
If
From their like merit cannot well appear.
Till deep difcerning.G — ton (hall declare.
If ignorant then of thefe neio ways to fame,
You'll ne'er acquire the poet's facred name.
Your
* When thefe Lines were firjl wrote ^tht P(ac* ^5
Poet*Laureat wa/ vacant 6y the Dcmifc tf t^t Ue-oc
\
a4» HARLEC^UIN-HORACEr or
Your readers taftes yoa mud with care difcern^ ,
And never be to^ ignorant to learn.
Let eomic wit be wrote in tragic verfe,
Aod doleful tales be (hown in hum'rous farce..:.
Aflign no place to. a peculiar part^
14 or brook the bondage of laborious art i .
But vaiy oft -your method, and yourftile.
Let one fcene make us weep^ the other fmile.
It fuits the various tempers of our iflej
'T4s not enough that (how and nng-fong. meet^ ,
The ladies look for iometbing fcft and fwcct : .
That ev*ry tender fentiment can move.
And fix th^ir fancies on the /^r/ they love«
In Perfeus this was to perfection doae.
The dar/fc was very moving ihty muft own. .
But if you muft be fooliflily feverc,^
And in dull morals, madly perfevere;
If fenfe and decency you flill will keep, ,
No wonder if your audience hifs, or (hep*
Your words fhould ne'er befuit^d to your theme,-,
The found a con tr aft to the fenfefhould feem.
A nierrj grin fets off a difmal tale.
Weep when you jVy?, and giggle while you raiU \
For wanton nature forms the human mind,
Still fond oivi^ders^ and to change inc]in*d ;
Plttiit
ART OF MODERN POETRY. I49
Plain fenfe we fly, ftrange nonfenfe to purfuc.
And leave old follies but to grafp zt nejij ;
One hour we court what we the next refufe.
And loath (o^ihorrow what l[o day we chufe ?
Now we are grave, then gay — now wing'd with
joy*
Then funk in grief — and all we know not why^.
The things we hunt afepleafure, wealth, and fame^
But at wrong fcent dill cheats us of the game 1
For different objects, diff<^rent aims excite^
And dill we think the lafl: opinion right :
To craft, deceit, and felfifhnefs inclinM,
We never let th^ face betray the mind ;
Bat then look faifeft when we mean moft Itlj
Aod Syrens like we only fmile-^to kill :
By intereft fwayM; eacfe word iifbll of art^
And Aili the tongue ruas counter to the heart.
From ail redr^nt ybui' cthar^^l^t^ (^t itt^^
Nor with their fortnjie make their words agree.
We hate 3 piece ^here truth and n!lt<»re neet^
Scorn what is real, but enjoy deceit •
And always giv^ the mod applaufd to thofei
Who 6fl our very ftinfts «iod irtiploft.
Take then fio pains refeniblance to purfue.
Give us but fortiethirig very d'range and n^W^
'Twjfl crftert4i0 thcf morc-^tVi^x. 'xX^ iv^xtt^*
350 HARLEQ^U IN. HORACE; or
Jf great Sir R t's chara<5ler you'd feign,
Defcribe him mean, revengeful, tboagUtlefs, vain ;
A Cboufand monflrous accufations bring,
Falfc to h\% friends, his country, and his king.
Make weekly patriots free from envy fecm.
And public good their thought, as well a8 theme.
Call D — * — t proud, vain-glorious, fond of (lation,.
And H — r the honour of the nation ;
Shew Ch Id nor witty nor polite^
A — le unable or to fpeak or fight*.
But if fomeuntry'd ftory you would chufb^
And in new charaders employ your mufei
Draw each, be fure, as monftrous as you can^
Something betwixt a C — ^— teris and a n^an.
True to itfelf let no. one image b«>
Nor the beginning with the ead agree ;
From firft to lafl write on without defign.
And give us fome new wonder in each line^.
'Tift difficult a welUknown tale to tell^.
It won*t admit variety fo well ;
But if you bring a Scots, or Irilh (lory.
You'll never fail. to pleafc both. Whig and Tory r
Theu other's labours you may make your own^
Steal every word, nor fear its being known ;
For if another (hould your theft explore,
M*en cry thief ^tH, like honeft J y M — re.
A R T OF M O D E R N P O E T R Y» ajt
Let lofty language your beginning grace.
And ilill fet out with a gigantic pace ;
In thund'ringliaesyour no defign rchearfc.
And rant and rumble in a ilorm of verfe.
It ne'er can fail to charm a crowded houfe.
To fee the laboring mountain yield a rooufe;
We're pleas'd to find the great, th* important day^
Produce a jig, a wedding, or a fray /
• As sfih* old W9rld mode ft ly withdrew,
And in creation had brought forth a new g
Profoundly judging with the antient fire.
That where there is much ftnoke, niuft bt fome fire.
*Ti8 therefore your's tolceep the mind in doubt>
Abd never let your meaning quite come out \
To (hun the lead approach of light with care.
And turn, and double like a bunted hare.
To hide your whole deUgn make fome pretence.
And fpare no-pains to keep us in fafpenfe;
Leave out no nonfenfe, and you cannot fail
To make your work have neither head nor tail.
If anxious to delight th« lift*ning throngs
Their ilridl attention> and loud claps prolohg ;
If ev'ry rank and fedl you would engage,
Ne'er fuit your manners to the fex or age :
To write in character is not rcquir'd,
Th6 more uncommon; *tis tbt laott ^^itcCvt^^*
352 HARLBQ^UIN-HORACE; on
A child that juft can'go alcmc, and prattle, ^
Should mourn at once, for lofs of bcc^ft — and
battle i
Like little W >. — m boaft true Englifli fpirit,
Abd gravely talk of vvrtuCi {eofe, aad merit ;
Converfe with patriots and politicians ,
And rail at Dunkirk^ Hanover, and HeflUi^*
The beardlefs youth as want<^p as a i4|U||T^l,
Jail free'd from difcipUne of rod and ferEQl,
Should wifely caft his jovial fports away,
Renounce his wenching, drinking, dogs, a^d pUy,
Copy thtflingy duke, to young and thrifty.
And look apd talk a tery don of fifty.
One of that age at which *tis made a rn)e
That each man's a phyfician, or a fool $
Wild as old wantpn R— r (kould appear.
Void of ambition, innocent of fear $
Nor fame, nor fri$a4(hip, npr pr^^lerment mn4^
So Jowler prove bnt ftamich, ajpd PbillUkio4»
Did age In youthful pleafur^s fhould delig^.
And like grim C--^— rs drin|c> wench, gan^e, aj|r#
bite ;
Have each Wfak fide fuppor U4 by a whor^
And ravilh Drurj-Virgh' by %\^ fi:pi;e j \
For
ART or MODERN POETRY. aJ3
for 'tis, you know, an uncontefted truth,
That age is nothing but a fecond youth.
Dejeding thought ! that all the toil and cares
Which youth's employ'd in^ all your hopes and
fears s .
The wealth, fame, knowledge, honour, we obtain,
Pafs a few years, are ufeiefs found, and vain.
Thus truth and nature you mud ilill negletf^^
Tor thofe things pleafe us moft we lead exped^
To fee fixNen like old Sir G— — t fcrape.
And fixfy feht to Newgate for a rape*
Next (hun with care the rule prefcrib'd of old.
That things too (Iraoge (hould not be (hewn, but
told.
The feats of Fauftus, and the pranks of Jove
Chang'd to a hull, to carry off his love;
Tht fwimmtng monfler j^nd ihe ftj'tng fleed,
Medufa's civern, and her fefpent breed.
Domes voluntary riling from the ground.
And Yahoo Rich transformM into a hound :
All a(5led with a (how of iruth deceive.
Which it related we (hould ne'er believe ;
Glorious frce^thinkmg reigns to that degree,
W^e credit nothing now, but what vit fee.
The number of ybur ads we never mind \
^or modera poeti fcorn to be couW^'*
'^^^^
w%-
5^4 H A R L E CLUI N - H O. R AC E ; i ^k
Two fometinieaAiit* the genios^ foaictimfi&^lirpe.
With hungry bards the fewed bcft agree.
•To ferve each purpofe, be it ne'er fo odd^
Be furc to introduce a g^oft, or — God 5
Make vtonjUrsyfieftdiy heav^Hybc/lf Sktonctemg^g^,
For all are pleas'd to fee.a)Wfi//r^/V ftagc.
The antient chorus }u(i\y*s laid afide^
And all its office by a/ong fupply'd :
Ayo«|^— when to the purpofe fomcthing's lack'd^
Relieves us in the middle of an afl :
A /ong infpires our breads with am'rous fury.
And turns our fancies on the nymph t o( Drurj :
Can quell our rage^ and pacify our cares^
Revive old hopes> and banifh prefent fears:
Lighten like wine the bitter load oMife^
And make each wretch forget his deitS'-rznd viiff.
In days of old when Engliflimen were men.
Their mufic like themfelves was gr^ve and plain :
The manly trumpet, and the fimple reed, » »
Alike with citizen ?LndJwaiu agreed^
Whofe foj)g8 in lofty fenfe, but humble vcrfc.
Their loves and. wars alternately rchearfe ; .
Sung by themfclves their homely cheer to crown^^
In tunesr from fire to fan ileliv;cr!d dotwn.
But
f ART OF MODERN POETR'Y. 355
But now, finceGriCdd^S are biscdme polite,
SinccTomc hstve learnt to reail^ and lome to writt ;
SJdce trair'iing haa fo itiuch improved our b^aux,
Tha^ each brings home a forthgn tcngue^ or nofei
And ladies paint with that amazing grace.
That their beft vizard \% their natural ^k^^ .•
Skc^ South S 9a fchem^-s have fo inrich'J the laud,
Th^tfoofV;jff» 'gainft their /ort// for borQughs (land:
SihctiHafqweradei and 6^/>^/f^j made their en try ^.
And Heydegger and Handel rul'd our gentry :
A hundred diifercnt inftriiments combine^ »
And forstgn /$/fgfiers m the concert join t
The Gallic ^i^^r/Ty whbfe winding tube ib vain
Prefend« to emulate the tntmpefs drain :
Tht /hriil'tQn^dfiddlif zx\d the war bJing fufe^
Thcgraz^e hajfo^n, dicf bafeiznii tinkling lute ;
The jingli ngjpinet, and thtfull-m^uth'd drum^
A Roman ^^«^</i?r and Venetian flrum.
All league melodious nonfenfe to difpenfe.
And give Vi% found ^ndjhow^ inftead oifenfe :
In unknown tongues myderious dullnefs chant,.
Make lovq in tune^, or thra* th^ gamut rant.
Long labour'd Rich, by tragic vcrfe to gain
The town's applauCe — ^^hut labourM longio vain :*
At length he wifely to his aid calPd In,^
Thie a^he Mipfie and ehfck^r*d H^rlec^ulv .
356 HARLEQ^UIN-HORACEj n
Nor ruPd by reafotiinorby law reftraio'd.
In all his (hows fmut and prof^oeaefs reiga'd :
hordsyfquirzs^ and commons, all alike they roait.
From knight of gaiter down to knight of poft ••
Paid no regard to any rank or (tation^
• Yea, mock'd the folemn rites of coronation*
Lords f knights, and ladies, who but late were fceo;
With regal pomp, and eminence of mein r
Plumes on their heads that feem'd to reach the (kj^
Ribbands Siad flars that dazzl'd cvepy eye :
Trains that with gold and purple fwept the ground^
And mufic like the fphere's celeftial found :
Htrc ftripp'd of all^ in homely guife appear^
Knightj hem/fen firings, and ladies pattens wear :
The good lord tnayon^ a* erft, devouring cufiard,^
And vtufie as i9)\txi<it^ bandsr are mufter'd.
*
Thou then^Obard ! who would'fl attempt to pleaie^
Give us fuch fine, fantaflic things as thefe %
Make our grave matrons as unfeemly dance^
And talk as lewd as Mefd;!moifelles de France^
Whoe'er would comedy or fat ire write,
Muft never fpare obfceuity ^xs^fftte:
• Soon after the Coronation o/* George !!• and Q.
Caroline there was a pompous Reprefentution of the
Solemnity and ProcciTion, exhibited at the Theatre
in DrurylAi e, which Mr Rich took oc capon to hur*
U/gue in the manner abovi dc/crtbcd»
A R T OP MO b BR N- tO E TRY. aj7
A qudnttirh fuffi'ctt'o£ frnti t wilt rake
Crouds of applauckrs to theduDdl plays-;
Whilft fcaadal, raillcry> and pore iU.naturcf>
Arc fouDd the brft ingrtd^fth for-a fatir««
But he that would in Bufl^ins tread the dage^
With rif/// land //^//^/imufb divert the-age.
And B$fchi like be always in a rage.*
lD^/002/aQd noouncts i)icrga!lcrhs ino(t deligtrt/
Who think all virtue is to florm and fight ;
Whilft plumes, gilt truncheons^ bUodj ghofts, aod
thunder.
Engage the hxes td behold and^^wonder.
Confound eaxh chara^er, no di^rence mak^ '
If Talbot, or a Gon— n be to fpeaki
So puzzle well known tbiugs, that ail may ow»^^.
Such wonders could be done by you alone :
So much furprifing novelty prevails,
And adds fuch honours to the meaneft tales;-
Let country /cuts then, juft come up to a town, -
Well- bred, polite, and elegant, be flicwn j
Talk blafphcmy andbawdrjr, with z port,
As if -they had beenborn and bred at court :
To fee all nature with fuch art inverted.
Torn and mjn lord will be alike diverted ;
Let critics Inarl, they hevtr can reJrefs ;
For woftliy leave is given you to U^^viV^xft^ \
Y 3 ^'^^
358 HARLECt^IN-HORACEj o«
But hold, wife Sir, for that your itave wrc cra^e^
What ! ihan*t we (hew the little wit we have !
Shall we, you cry, learn writing ill hy rule.
And have v^ need to ftudj to be duli^
Yes— when the greateft merit's want of fenfe.
The lead faint glimpfe of reafon gives otfence :
Befides, who'd read the Antients night and day^
And toil to follow where they lead the way \
Who'd write, and cancel with alternate pain,
' Firft fweat to build, then to pull down again \
■ To turn the weigh'd materials o'er and o'er.
And every part in ev'ry light explore ;
From fenfe and nature never to depart.
And labour artfully to eover art t
Who'd fcek to run fuch rugged rozds as thele I
When/mooth ftupidity^s the way to pleafe ;
When gentle H — — 's fingfongs more delight.
Than all a Drydcn or a Pope can write*
Our antient tragedy was void of art.
Shewn by fome merry Briton in a cart,
Whofe naked tribe of Saxons, Scots, and Pi As,
Sung fongs like L — p— ^ge, and like R — —h play'd
tricks.
Then Shakefpeare rofe in a politer age,
Afldplac'd his well^drefs'd a^ors on a ftage.
ART or MODERN P O E T R ¥• %Sf
Taught them to moves with gprace^ and fpeak witb
art.
To charm the pafCons, and engage the heart.
Next laughing comedy, with awkward grace^
Begaji to (hew its ridicnling face.
But taking tpo much freedom with thcgfcafp
In Pollfs Opera received tits fate.
Our EngUfh hards have left ontry'd no ways.
No (lone unturo'd in the purfuit of praife i
But bravely launching from the Anttenfs road^
In paths peculiar to themfelves have trod ;
Till Britain now 'like famous is become ..
For arms abroad, and poetry at h^mcm
Some fools indeed amongft os yet remain^
Who think to mead their works by time and pain %
Much care and reading their produdions €0(^9
Much care and reading now is/i much loft :
Take then no time to think, but work in hade.
The brighteft talent's that of writing faft,
Moft readers like romantic flights alone^
And fcorn a poem where defign is (hown ;
Nor think that any man can be. a poet,
Unlcfs his frantic looks, and action* (how it.
2)io H ARLEQ^UIN'-HORAC E; or
ifthdrehte you Wbutd gain the facred o^me.
And with the mtk immortalize your famo ;
Be furtf that like men viiexi yoB he're b« (een*
Good nator'd^ cheerful, manoerlyy or clean ;
But doyeblyi aad thoughtful walk this (Ireet,
Talk to yourfelf, and know 00 friend you aieMr»
A« foi: my Ic If, 1*111 far from beiug Dice,
And pradice often what I here advife }
At (hop or ftall of ftationer appear.
With tatter*d habit, and ahflraded air ;
l^ow fiercely gazing-, now is thoug1)t p'rofouiid^
My eyes or at the ftars, or on the ground.
Mot that I dare to poetry pretend.
But boail at moft to be the po^t^s friend /
To w/fct them on to write, andlike the h^Jtr
Give others edge, tho' I myfelf have none;
To point' them outtlieinoft faccedful ways.
To purcbafe^/^^A///!^, and to purchafe /rifiyfV*
Hear,theD> ye bards! with clofe attention hear,
(You that are biels'd with a remaiuing ear^)
Learn hence whdt paths to quit, or to purfue.
To gain. the falfe, and to avoid, the true;
Learn hence new ways and wonders to explore.
And write as poets never wrote 1>efbrc.
A thorough knowledge of the court and tow^y
Is the grand M$prum to ac(juire renown j
Let
ART or MODERN FOETRY. a6x
Let tt9veis memoirs, and lampoons be read^
And with the Atalantis fill your head.
A bard well (kili'd in the affairs of ftate,
And all xh* iutrigues and knav'ries of the great;
That knows the folemn promifes they make.
They do — for no one purpofe but to'brcak ;
Their talk of public good^ and future fame.
Means prefeiu profit all, and private aim ;
That ^11 the filial piety they have.
They long to bury in their father's grave.
And ail the brotherly regards they bear,
Confid in hopes of foon commencing heir^
Who knows ^hsLt members for their votes are paid.
And fell their country with their voice for bread.
Wh^tjt/dge^ who while he hangs the needy knave^
For aif/um hundred will the rich one fave \
And what fierce captain when coinmanded out>
Refigns his ppft, or counterfeits the gout ?
A bard, I, fay, with fuch acquirements ftor'd.
Can draw a ft It, a Jharper, or a lord i
And private fcandals better entertain.
Than all the fweat and labour of the bram»
The Greeks, dull fouls ! fo greedy were of fame.
They ftarv'd their body to prefervc their name .•
They fcorn'd forlooth to fuit the vulgar tafte.
Their labours to p«fterity inuft laft.
And. far the prcfcnt, they muil — nuVv^X.X HiV^^^^'
262 HARLEQ^UINbHORACEj ' 0%
Thank Ijeav'n ! we're bleft'd with more fubftantiH
fenfCf
And take moft pleafure when we count lhe/ff«<:r:'
Let wicked h'eathtiis be fo proud and vain^
A chriftian poet'i godlinefs is gain.
Take then due care to leegthcn out the piece,
By which you'll profit more, as well as f/ca/ti
Of bulk alone your printer is a judge.
Nor a large price for many (heets can grudge i
Your readers too you better can impofe on,
Whilft the long tedious puzzling tomjf tliey doze oii*.
Whene'er for fal:e of fweet variety,
You'd draw fomc wonder or diverting lie,
f\y far from heavj probability :
And (how Tom Thuvib^ the more furprize to give.
From the cow*s beily taken out alive.
To pleafe alone employ your thoughts and care,
Nor age, nor youth, will admonition bear ;
Your preaching moral dunce we always flight.
And read not for inlirudtion, but delight*
^Tis then,, and then alone the. point you gain.
If no cue precept in your works remain,
B\iiri6a/cfry 9.nd Jcand*iilgvf\eh reign.
TJjIM.
^A KT DT M O D Ell N P O E TR Y. 76$
Thus fhall ypu.gaiixtbe pro6t you purfuc.
And Curl get oiooey by the copy too ;
Thus (halj all Drury in your praife combine.
And difta^Qt Geodfman^i fields theuvpceans joia i
So far Barbadoes (hall refound your fame.
And ev'n irau/f^t^e'd fe/o/is 'kaow your n^me»
Yet if, by chance, you here and there impart,
Some /parks of wit, or glimmerihgs of art j
If, by tniflah, yau kltindir upoh fenfe,
Good nature will forgive the firft ofFence ;
No firing will always give the found rcquir*d.
Nor Jhaft fly faithful to the point defir'd :
If that your works are generally fraught,
"With pompous (how, and Jhnlbwnefs of thought ;
If hum'rous point, fmoo^h verfe, and forc'd conceit,
V^\\}ci frothing found, and/b//</ nonfenfe meet :
We (hall not be o^eoded with one fault.
Thro* V)ant of negligence, or pain of thought :
But think. not that^an audience will cxcufc
Thtfooi Xhditpurpafety dull fenfe, ^uvX\xt%;
Who, Young or rhomfon like, will never writ«,
Unlefs at once to profit and delights
The heft may err, 'tis true, and ftcm to creep.
Long labours fink the brig^ueft fouls in flecp : |
I'm griev'd to find even Chcfhire Johnfon nod.
And fometimes (hew the abrencc of the god*
a*4 M A R L 1 au I N. H O R A C S ; oi
Painting and poetry (hould ftill agree^
^ome pi^ures beft far off, fomf^near^ we fee :
So when the tricks of Faudus are prefented^
If plac'd too nigh my pleafnre is prevented :
I fee the ft rings by which the feats are done^
And quickly find no catrjarer in Loa.
Ifghofts appear^ make dari the foleoin fcene^
But in fuU//g^/ let ^o^i/tf-J/^/ be fcen :
Poor Bayes's opera fcarce would bear one v'leWp
But Gay's repeated //*/;' //w^/, was new.
O Dennis! elded of thefcribbling throng,
Tho' (kill'd thy felf in ev ry art of fong,
Tho* alfo of thy mother goddefs full, "
By infpiration/ar/«v/7y dull :
Ifet this one maxin from my pen receive,
To middling bards the world no quitter give*
T d a f^ttyfogger might have made.
And been perhaps a tapfter at his trade ;
Th' indifferent lawyer is the mod in vogue,
And ftill the greater as the greateft rogue.
But middling poets are by all accurd.
We only liften to the bed, or — warft.
Al' arts by tim^ and inJudry are gain*d.
And without paios no knowledge is obtaia'd.
Ladies mud dudy hard to play quadri.le^
Aad Jo^ors take degree i btfot^ x\kt^ Va\\%
Hqatd.^
A R T OF M O D ER N P O E T R Y 265
Young Levites be compleatly read in Greeks
Bdbre they fchool their parifli once a week :
Courfiers with patients for preferment wait^
And lawyers ^\xAy equity to cheat :
But yet you fay that^ without pains or time^
All dare to dabble in the arts of rhime :
Why not \ (ince fancy, poverty, and fpite^
Demand eternal privilege to write.
Without reftraint indulge y oxxr Jharp defire.
Want — not Minerva, kindles up the fire:
Tiufi then alone to arbitrary chance^
. And let no critic o'er your labours glance^
But if thro' hade fome parts remain too tright.
The next edition you may cloud them quite.
Orpheus> Tve read, by his harmonious (kill^
Made Urds and beafts obedient to his will,
Amphiun, greater yet, made ftones advance.
And ftnrdy oaks to mingle in the dance ;
But how much greater In our age are thofe !
Whofe powerful ftrains could charm the belles and
beaux!
'Ti» likewife fatd, that, in our fathers days,
By fenfe and virtue, poets aim'd at praife,
. And in their country's feivice tua'd their lays.
T^tight men from fraud and rapine to abitain, ^
And public good prefer to private gain :
a66 HARLEaUIN.HORACEi toji
Shcw'd 'em what reverence to the gods was due.
And what rich fruit* ^''oni foetal virtues grew :
By nuptial ties loofe libertines refirain'd>
Taught mutual commerce^ and wife laws ordain'd ;
Whilft others fung in animating drains.
The martial hofls embattPd on the plains ;
Or ufeful fecretslabour'd to explore.
Which lay conceal'd in nature's womb before.
Por fuch dull fluff they juftly are dcfpis'd.
We knowing modttns fcorn to be advis*d*
fiow much more entertaining is the iar J,
That of all virtue (hews a difregard.
Who by no law8>, divine or human^ aw*d,
Jl^ils at his prince, -^nd ridicules hls^fidj
To vice and folly fplendid temples rears.
And, for our entertainment, rijks his ear^.
Some queftion whether this diverting vein
Be nature's gift^ or is acquired by pain.
In my opinion neither is requir*d.
Nor taught by fiudy^ nor hy genius fir'd.
By v)him alone, or penury infpir'd.
He then that would the wifh'd-for prize obtain^
Need never dim his eyes, or rack his brain.
Nor toil by day^ nor meditate by night,
Jiujt take^ for pMwer^ the mlUngnefs to write^
Aoi
ARToF MODERN POETRY. 267
And ever thoi^ghtlefs^ indolent^ and gay.
With wiue and women revel life away.
Let pipers learn their Engers to command,
htidfidUrs drudge feven years to make a hand.
You care for nothing but a warm third-night .•
Why ihcn, pox take the hindtn^fl /• cry, and write.
'Tis like wife requifite you fome (hould hire^
On the firft night, your labours to admire/
Some that will ft imp and rave at evVy line,'
And fwear 'tis charming ! exquifite ! divine !
Applaud when chair, or coach is well brought io>
And clap the very drawing ofthe/cene-ji
And next old Dennis with a fupper treat, .
He'll like your poem as he likes your meat ^
For gite that growling Cerberus 1>ut a/i/.
He'll clofe his jaws, and Ileep like any top..
But well beware you never trull tp thofe,.
Who^ under friendlhip's mafk, are real foes.
And fwiy'd by envy, ignorance^ or fpitc,
Find fault with every thing that you recite ;
Who ne'er will pardon an unmeaning line.
But rhime to reafon fl(ivi(hly confine :
*• Enliven this (they cry), and poliih that,
< The di£iion's htrc too rugged; there too flat*
2, 2 * ^Vt^^
a68 H A R L E dU I N . H O R A C E; &c.
< That thoughfi Coo meao^ and here you're too
obfcure^
^ Thii line's ill-turii'd, and- ftrike out thofc^bc
fare."
Thus, while they cancel what they call zmxk,
. There fcarce remains a line of all the piece*
As then you would avoid a clam'rous dun^
Scour from a catchpple, or the pillory ihun \
So fly fuch critics Xxxx^ yourfelf alone,
Mor to their humour facrifice your tt'Oin •- .
No«-rather feck hfntjycophant^t Qourtj
Some rich, youn^, lack-wit lord for your fupport ;
Submit your works to his right 'honoured note,
tit'ii judge with iht fame fpirit that you lurote :
- And if a dupe thit freely Heeds you nick.
Be fure you faften, and be fure you ftick s
Bc'rhime, hcmprofe him, dedicate^ and lie.
And never leave him, till youVe fuck'd him dry.
FINIS.
T H' E
A R T
O F
A N G L I N G;:
EIGHT DIALOXjUES
IN VERSE.
Rura mihi, et riguiplaceant in vallibus amnesp *
Flumina amem, fylvafque^ inglorius.
VlRG.
V
J^
THE
BOOKSELLER
TO THE
R E A D E R.
CouKTSous Reader^ '
TO induce thee topurchafe this little book, it
behoveth me to remove two or three ftum-
bliDg blocks, which lie at the very threHiold of
it Thofe ftumbling blocks are certain unlucky
objecftions, which the title may poilibly fuggeft
to the mind.
The firft objecSion lieth againft the fubjedl,
which, peradventure, iiiay be thought low and
trifling. In apology I have tp alledge, that this
T^ry thing manifcfteth the fingular fagacity,
prudence, and benevolence of the Author: His
iagacity in difcovcring the ruling tafte of the age
for trifles, his prudence in accommodating him-
felf to that tafte, and therewithal his benevo-
lence in conHihing ray intereft by writing what
is likely to fell : for the profit is to be wholly
mine, the Author being contented with the (ble
reward of fame. I might, indeed, add a third
reafon for his choice of fach a fubjedl, no lefi
true perhaps than the foregoing, namely, that
he was confcious his genius could rife no high-
er, whereby he difcovereth no favaW ^e^^^^^^
felf-knowledge and humility, -vitX-Xie^ xiox ox^^»^•
rify found in irriters of any age, mxv^W^fe ^^
OUJtS* -^
PREFACE. • a7i
Bat there Is another objection which likewife
affe(fleth the matter or fubjeA of- this perfor-
nance ; its beiogy as lame may think, too par-
ticular, and what concerneth Anglers only ; .
who, fay they, are few in number. Thisobjec
tioh, I humbly conceive, proceedeth on a grand
miftake. For to a . man of any com pais of
thought and experience in the world, it' is well
known, that Angling is not a mere recreation,
but JL buQnelS) a buflnefs which employeth moft
orders, profefllons and occupations among men.
This might... be fairly proved by an induction of
particulars : For inftanccj we book fellers angle
for authors, and authors angle for a dinner oc
for fame : Again doth not the lawyer angle for
clients, the dodlor for a fee^ the divine for pre-
ferment, the ftatefthan for fecrets, the courtier
for a penfipn, and the needy for. a place? Fur-
ther, what is be who offered a bribe, btit a fifher
for another man's confcience? And what is he
who taketh a bribe, but the^filly fifh that is
caught with the bait? But it would exceed the
bounds of a preface to enter into a longer detaiK
What is here faid may fuffice to (hew the uni-
verfality of bur Author's fubje<ft.
The lad obje<5lion which I have to mention
and refute, concerneth the manner of handling
this fubje<5t, I mean writing in verfe.
I was fo thoroughly aware of tbe great preju-
dice from this quarter to the fale of the work/ .
that I thought proper to have fbme talk with'
the Author on the point. And, 1 mu(l swn, that
I found him to (hUffle and cut grievoufly about
it. For when I objeAed to him, that there are
bat few, very few, readers of \^tC^, Vvc aafwer- ,
cd, the fame obje<:iUotv Wes^^^Atiftr oxv^ ^t \>cv^ ^
^oUea poems in our Utiga^^c, Somm^WO\*^
a73 PREFACE,
\
Ghace, Aye, but, faid I, every one hath not Sov^
•inerville^s genius. He knit his browsj and a^
peared not a little difpleafed at my fufpicion of
his poetical abilities.
His next plea was, thathe loved jingling hiin-
felf, and thought other peopld did fo too: for he
had obferved, that the things which paiTed
well -enough with the public, fincc the death of
Alexander Pope, were lio better. What, faid I
again, have you never read, or have you forgot-
ten the monody on Pope's death, and the trage-
dy of Elfrida? He fhook his head, as much as to
lay. If friend Mafon goes on to write fuch pieces
as thofe, he may ftarve while the bookfellers
live.
All that I could get further out of him was
this. If any who have a tafte for rhimes will
look into thefe dialogues, they will not perhaps
be difpleafed with their entertainment. 1 hefc
exprelGons feemed to me to favour fo ftrongly ef
vanity, that I thereupon left him to enjoy his
ielf-fufficiency.
One word more, gentle reader, and I have
done. To render this edition as entertaining
and edifying as poilible, I have (pared no ex«
pence« Tq. this end I put the manufcript into
the hands of fundry learned and ingenious
men, whom I retain in conflant pay. They
have furnifhed me with a let of notes ; fome of
which are original, and thefe I hold to be the
mod curious and recondite. The reft are extrac-
ted partly from manufcripts, and partly from
very (carce books, to be met with no where but
in the libraries of princes and nobles.
♦DIALOGUE I.
A Defence of Angling.
CANDiDiis. Severus;
K -
C, XTC/ILL virtue frown, Severus, on our way,
^^ |f in thefc fpringing meads we fi(h and
ilray ?
S. Virtue, my friend, on no enjoyment fmilet
Which idle hours debafei^or vice defiles.
The wife to life's moraentuous work attend ; $
And think and a^, ftill pointing to their end :
As yon clear dreams one conftant tenor keep,
.Rolling their liquid homage to the deep.
ۥ But books or bus'neGi^ with unpaufing care,
IVhat force of body or of mind can bear ? !•
The deed, unharnefs'd from the plow awhile,
Heturns with fpirit to his rural toil.
Sports (like parenthefes) may part the line ^
Of labour, without breaking the deCgn.
But
* How artfally has this author ikreened bimrelf from
•Qr attacks, bj giving to hts com pofic ions the title of dia*
lognes! O that he had called them eclogues ! I ihuuld then
have heen furnilhed with a fair occahon to difplay my
reading 4od my critical ikill» by ihewlng that neither hit
characfters, nor his fentimentSy nor his expreffion agre*
with ihe ilmplicity fo eilential to that C^^ccve^ q>^ ^^^^ca«
, ^oilus.
The Sceae of this dialogue is tVic me^d^^i* ^^^ ^^vv^J*-
k the comiag in •£ (pring* AriilbaiclDLua*
27^ The ART of
Butas, myerfcy parcDthefes (if long 15
Aod crowded) mar the beauty of the fong ;
So paftimes which ingrofs too large a fpace
Difturb life's fyftemy and its work deface.
S. If wifdom give her nod^ aod fports may claim
A fafe afylum in her aweful name, 20
Let wifdom rule the choice ; in thofe engage
Which merit fandion from the Coan Sage :
Which rquifi, not wafte the fpirits^ and are good
To pufli along its tubes the loit'ring blood.
Qof with eladic arm impell the bowl ^ 2^
Erring vi^orious to its envy'd goal*
C. Some^ rather^ when autumnal winds fhall
bripg.
From climes unknown^ the woodcock's vagrant
wing.
Will feek the ftranger, where the gurgling rill^
Beneath a fyivan bank^ invites his bill. }#
They mark his rifingi and his crooked flight.
But fend their thunder when he darts outright*
Others, a hardy and intrepid race.
Dare the bold pleafures of the hoiftVous chace*
Such with the beagle rife, at duiky morn, 35
Mount the fwift courfer, meet the winding horn,
Unfourm
>
Yer. 22. This fame Coin Sage is Hippocrates the
father of phyiic He «ras boi-]!) in Cues, an ill*tad ia che
M^geua-Setif mow called the Archipibgo.
ANGLING.
277
UDfourm the bare clofefquatted in ber bufh.
Strain up the mountains, down the mountain's^ rulb^
Plunge in the rapid flood, o'erleap the mound.
And (hout their conqued bleeding on the gi^ound. 40
Each, what his genius prompts and nerves attain^
Varies his joy, I no man*s joy arraign.
Me lonely vales and winding currents pleafe,
And arts of fifhing entertain my eafe. [
S. Low is the tafte, plebeian the^ delight^ 45
Which mire can tempt and fordid toils excite.
C. But mine is not the glory to unfurl
The net's umbrello, with Herculean whirl ;
Nor wading to the neck, in mud abfcene.
Tug the cork-buoyant mcfh, whole ftreams to
clean. ^q
The decent angle's mine ; my pride would flay
Her thoufands, but in do^or Purgon's way ;
A lordly lUce, then a low gudgeon kill^
And all in method and with learned pill.
'S. But damp unwholefome from the ma^fli '
exhales, SS
Dire (eeds of gout and age-tormenting ails.
C. Raih Anglers rue late hours ; more cautious I .
^ From night's dark wipg and evening vapours fly :
A a Warn'd
Yer. 52. DoiStor Purgon's way. A mo ft inpeaions alfuCL-
00 10 a molt iiuaioroas charaAer ot* «k ^\v>JVw<:\'aAi vcv'V^^*-
Here's \a Mdldde luiagiaaire. Xc\tt.atcViVk^»
S3. Tic Luc. h nnoihcr ni^m« Cor ^^^^» SxoKSv'Cftft
LgtJa Lucius* Moies Browne.
ay* The A H T op
Warned by the finking fun, and deepening (hades
When the brown horrour woods and dreams in-
vades, $0
Warned by the fcrecch-owl, by the croaking race^
I clofe the cane, and homeward urge my pace,
S. Yet> call not e^s^ercife whole hours to (land
On one dull fpot, and grafp an idle wand.
. C. Severus, an accomplifh'd Angler's art 6s
Changes the fcenes> dnd variegates his part.
Oft, with the never-refting trowl, he roves
From mead to mead, ftiil cafling, as he movts.
In deeps, in (hoals, the roach-fufpending hook.
To lure the ftream's fell tyrant from his nook. 70
>
Sloth will not dare thefe labours ; thefe demand
The ftrenuous vigour of no feeble hand*
From thefe returning, to my (harpen'd guft
Rich is the feafl of evening's homely cru(l«
In foundeft fleep I feal my weary 'd eyes, 75
And light and (prightiy from my flumber rife.
Then . leaning o*er the claflic page, my thought
Quick apprehends what antient wifiiom taught:
Or
Ver. 67. For a dtfcription of the trowl, See pial. VII.
Anonymas.
77, 78. M ^rk, gcaHe JPlcsj^r, the jivfplerajblc vanity of
tljTS writer He boafteili himfelf to be a claffi4*al fcho-
iar; yea, he hath the afTurance to iqiinuate, that he read-
eth the fitieft writers in antiquity^ with a ready and pcr-
fe^ comprebenfion of (heir fenfe and beauties: for» the'
he dees not here fpeak ia hit own perfon ot another* he
undoubtedly meanelk hU owa '\d«tix.\ce>\U\X. T.Q\Vav
ANGLING. 879
Or fancy, friwing with recruited vein,
Pours out her pieafures id this rhiming ftrain* So
Let not my friend defpife^ with cynic mood,
Our paflime, honoured by the wife and good:
By blamelcfs NowcII, Wotton's chearful age,
Cotton's clear wit, and Walton's rural page,"
With rapture thefe beheld the peopl'd flood, 8j
The chequer d meadow, and the waving wood.
Here-fotind, in folitude, emollient rcil
From rugged cares and tumults of the breafl :
Here virtues learn'd (ill learnM by formal rules)
Unknijwn to courts, unknown to wrangling
fchools, 90
Patience, and peate^ and geiitlenefs of mind^
Contempt of wealthy and love of human kind.
S. So A'etl, with reafon in the (ong, you pleaJ^
Ubblufhing I might wield the fi{her's reed ;
Which, if I e'er affume, its bark fhall (hew 95.
Your own jufl maxim in memorial view:
A a 2 " All
Ver. 81. Cynic is derived from a Greek vord figmfying a
dog. Thi« term is properly, the jippc I lation of an ami*
ent Cetl of philcfophers, who diftinuuiihed thcmfclves by
their i'arly and foarliog temper. It ts likcwife applica*
blc to ^ certain fpecics of critU'S> and in general' to ail ill*
fiatured cenfors \vhatfoever» Pamaby the younger.
Yer. 83. Noweli, the good old dean of St. Panrtln ^neen
Elizabeth's days. AVottoo, the famous Sir Henry Wot*
too. Both were great lovers of Angling. Mofcs Browne.
84. Walton and Cotton, auiUoti o^ v\v^ ^q»\s\.^^«l«^
An^Jer, ia two parts, ptkbUftxed s^ik^'n M ^^ '^&a\^'^
Browne*
aSo -The A R T of
»
^^ All paftimes that ingrofs too lar^e a (pace^'
^' DHlurb life's fyftetn^ and its work deface'
But from the pail behold the milky herd*
Return to fuppcr on the fav'ry fwerd. lOO
Turn we our (Icps^ *ere the blue ftreams arife,
Apd feek dry (helter from the noifome Ikies. . '
For winter's breath ftill mingles with our fpring.
And the chill eve bears ague on her wing.
97. 98* O the ihrcking pride of this Author! he , hath
firft the prer^niption to dio;nify a dry faying of his
own with the title of a maxim er moral axiom ; and ncx%
the aflurance to hint to the fellers of fifliing tackle> that
he wonld have them to get this fame faw engraven on the
outiide of erery fifliing rod in their ihops. Zoilai.
•
D I A L O G U E if.
Some general Rules of the
Sport.
Tyro. Piscator.
T. \T /E fled, Pifc^ator, to the trees in vain,
^ ^ The trees, half naked, of flow fpring
complain.
With
The Arene is n ftied in tVie 'Nlc«iAti^v, \Ve ^t^^^^^xv \^
«jie Spring fomewhat furiVifet advauct^. KxSSt^TOsw^^*
A N G L I N' G. 29i
<-
Wkh Ague's trembling hand her bow'ts (he weaves.
Which rugged winter rifled of their leaves.
P. Here, Tyro, fVom Ae rains and biuft'ring
wind, jT
We and the beads a welcome (halter find,
Some gentle Twain, the harmlefs Angler's friend, .
t(ais'd this low (hade For charitable end.
Heaven ble(s hit lylvan cares ! may peac&abidei
Ui)der his roof, and flu nber at his fide ! tb -
T. Sweetly the moruing fmil'd, the (ky was fair.
No-ruffling gud dillurb*d the quiet air.
I hop'd the perch would feel the warming ray.
Rife from the deep$» and tire our hooks with prey,
fiuty cold and rough, ru(h'ddown a lud.ien dorm, I J
And furit^.us (how'rs the trouhl'd dreams deform*
P. Hope oft deceives us, like the lying gal<i^
Which from her port decoys the merchant fail.
T, 111 the raw Angler brooks this peevi(h day.
P. Shut, (hut your engine & for wc mud obey. 20
T. But *cre from hence, with bright* ting (kies, we c
part.
Indulge my'Wi(hcs, and Explain yaur art.*
P. Walton could teach, his meek enchanting vein :
The ftiepherd's mingles with the fiftier's drain :
Nature and genius animate his lines, . 25 c
And our whole fcicnce in his precepts Ch\^t%%
■Uowe'er, to fill this little ^oidof x\xxvt>
Aod titUate your ear with y\ng\vn^ tV\^^> ^^*v
A a 3 . ^^^
aSa The, ART ©r
Receive, in brief epitome, tbe rules
Anglers revere, the doitrine of their fchools. 30
Firft, with difcerning eyes y our engine view.
Of yietding hazel, or of ftrong ba mboo.
With nice proportion, in their bulk and length.
Its limbs be (hap'd, for beauty and for ftrength :
Tough, taper, flexible, well form'd to ftrikc 35
The pigmy minnow and gigantic pike.
Such are the virtues of this peerlefs wand,
A brother's gift, which decorates my hand :
His darling orice, obligingly reCgn'd,
The lov'd memorial of his loving mind. 40
Your line, or by the fpinning worm fupply'd.
Or by the high-born courfer's hairy pride.
Of grofs or fubtile texture, muft obey
The might or weaknefs of your deftin'd prey.
Be rifti in fteel, by dexterous Vulcan tam*d 4^
To barbed hooks, for ftubborn temper famM*
Some authors have with cumberfome parade
I>uil pages of inveigling baits difplay'd :
But in fix words the flirewd temptations ly.
Fair pafte, bright- worms, and well diffembled fly. fa
Thus
Ter. 30. Bamboo is a plant of the reed kind in the
Weft Indies. But I ana informed, that th beft are thofe
which c^me from the Eaft ladies. Mefet Browne-
"Vcr. 41. Tbe fpinning worm is the filk worm. Farnaby
the /'^ungrr.
4S' Vulcan, being the GoA o£ x\^t Vov^, \% Ucre, by a
£gure •£ fpcccb, put Cot a liV«ic:WiaAX\i» l?wiv»J*i \\«fc
joHOger*
ANGLING. aSs
«
Thus arm'd wfth implements of deaths beware
111 omen'd feaCoas and uafav'ring air.
When Sirius drinks, when the defrauded mill
Mourns lemptyfprings and all her wheels {land dill ;
When aether. bUzeS) and the watry fcene 55
Prefents the picture of the blue > feretie;
Or when tierce rains difcolour'd currents iwell^
At home the fate of vent'rous fools foretell :
For then clofe-flieit'ring weeds, or creeks obfcure^
Fearful or faint th^ finny tribes allure , 60
But ifaow'ry clouds and fouthern gales excite
The gamefome. mood, and edge their appetite*
Yet, as the ^eafant, when his timid eyes
SufpeA each flgn of weather he efpies.
The feed or fickle from his field (detains, 65
And fondly of his defart barns complains.
So fuperftitious Anglers watch the wind.
Now BoredS chills ; now Eurus breathes unkind*
Blow^ Boreas^ Eurus, but nor loud nor cold ;
Angler, go forth : with high aiTurance bold. 70
Believe a tepid feafon, and partake
L»arge booty from the river, pond, or lake.
T> Than|cs to my gea'rous mafter, much I owe ;
Yet fweil the dtbt, one pleafure more beftow.
Carol
53. when Sirins drinks. He me^ceth the dro^^v^ ^^
the doi^days; for Sirius is the JLo^>&9kt% Yw:ik»X>'i "^^
yoanger*
284 The art of
Carol thiit fotig^ which^ toueh'd hy gentle thaHns,
My l^ofom witk the love of^ angling warms. 76
P. Titne calls us hthte, but^ pliant to yout
choice,
lyield, iho* ffiufic tfdver cuhM my foki,
*
The ANGLE K's SON G.
lile no pleafure (hall enamour,
SwimmSbg in the drunkard's bowl s 80
Joy that ends in (Irife and clacnour-
And in forrow drowns the foul.
Sports of mighty Nimrod^s chufidg^
All your mi^ichiefs I will (hun ;
Broken bones and grievous bruifing, - 85
Glorious fears by hunters won.
Conle> thou harrtilefs recreation !
Ilolding oi|t the /Angler's reed ;
Nurfe of pleafing contemplation,
Sy theilream my Waflddngs lead* j^e
WK^n I View the Watdi'S Hiding
To their goal with reftlels pace,
Let me thirrk how time is gliding -
In his more impottaux. T^tt%
ANGLING. afj'
On the flow'ry border fittiDg^ pj
I will dip. my filken line :
And. weak fifh alone outwitting,
/Curfe all other fly defign.
Milky kine^ around me grazing^
Woolly flocksj on didant hills, loo
Join your notes with mine in pratfing
Him whofe hand all creatures filU.
When muik odours, heart* regaling,
All the morning mead perfume.
From the new-mown hay exhaling, 105
ril the fiiher's wand refume*
Yea, when autumn's ruflet mantle
Saddens the decaying year,
I wilt fiHi; and I will chant, till
Feeble age ikall change tny cHeer^ tio
D I A.
ti6 Th< a R T o*
D I A L O G U E m.
Angling for Trout.
Musakus, Simplicius.
M. ^T^ HE fcafons fnrcly, in thefe nortkern climes,
-L Laugh at their image drawn by modern
rhimes.
For fpring oft (bivers in the Brltifh^ ifle,.
But warms, in Britifli long, with Baia's fmile*
JEv*n now the iiawthorn, on the birth of Miy, 5
I Witholds her blofloxn^ oor btllerel the diiy.
And
The fcene Ji the banks of the Hirer Lea; the (earon it'
the firft <lay of May. An(larcho9.
Vtr 1,4. The obfervation comarDcd in thefe foar
verfes is d norormm, piece of plagUrifm. Bat Nothing*
furely, can exceed the folly of ear author in imagining to
conceal his theft. For the beok from which be ftole tbii
remark, is in the hands of i*]l men of tafte and literatnre
throngbout the kingdom ; I menn Kurd's Horace, vid. vol..
2. p. 128. 129 However, don't raiftake me, reader, as
tho' I tneaot to commend that work, by faying it is in the
hands of all men of tafte and literature; for ytrs are to
underftand, that fach perfons ace not the. raoft profound
criiicst nor the heft judges of the merit of any compofiti-
on. Zoilus.
4* Btia, anciently called Baiae, a city in Italy, not far
from N«pl(rSi of great note formerly for it« baths and the
delicious temperature of its climate. I fuppofe oQr Au*
thor's meaning is, that many Englifh poets cake their de-
fcription of an Cnglilh Spring from the circumftance of
rliar/irime of the year Vn iVkc &at& ^'kvv^iYvdV)* F«.i:aa-
bjr the yoangcf*
ANGLING. 487
And muck I doubt, Simpliciut^ if the breeze,
Crifpiog the jLea^ her fpt^tted nation pleafe :
Thin, o'er |Jie wave,, the quiv'ring infefts Ocioi,
iind faintly d|p their pinions in its brim. lO
S. I heed oot fongfters, and 1 hate all lies.
Plain words may profit^ and plain fenfe is wife.
But there, that anfwer toyour doubt receive;
A gallant trout 1 behold him, and believe.
M. What ails this mimic fly I it fprings no
game, 15
Like yonrs its colours, and in form the fame.
O 1 as fam'd Walton, could I wheel the line^
Or giory, Cgtton, in a hand like thjae.
And lightly on the dimp'ing eddy fiiag
Th*: hyp 'Critic fly's unruifl d wing, 20
£nimeU*d fpoil ihou'd thtn mv conquefts grace.
While HimpQiire meads with w^ry 'oot I trace.
S. Feac? on ihf de^id ! fome living hands I knaw^
No (hame to Anglers, nor uoikilTd to throw.
lu Hamp(hire grjndles piddle who delight* ^^
Whom love of trout and bacon chine excite.
M.'
- Vcr. 8. Tjie Lea 11 an Hcrifo» dfliire river. Its fpring-
head is in Bedtbrdibrre, its c^^urfe by Hertford, Ware,
'Waltham and Bow, parting Middlrrft^x «rom EiTcx. It
f^llsioto the Thames at ISlackwall. Vet. MS. in che.
Budleian Library v .
17. i8- Walton and Cotton were» in their dstv, firft*
raU" geiiiuies at T«oat Angling* cfpccl-iW'j vf\\.V a Sv.^*
3VI»>f^s Browne.
22. HAinpihhe abounds in bn ok» Aud tw^\<v* v^tvww-
fallyaorci wntx Trout and other rVvcr fi.e^« ^to^Vj^Vvxx"i>
in hjs art of Angling-
288 1*HE A R t* oi^
M. Yourikill^ my worthy partper, I admire^
And nobler proving of its pow'r defiire.
Defcend the limeftone precipice^ and rove
Along the banks of diver- footed Dove, 30
Her headlong current^ amid Alpine hills,
WafliM by the cryftal of unnumbcr'd rills.
Clear iis the fpotlefs mirrour, feafts our eyes
With pendant mountains and the downward fkies.
In the clear. bofom of Uie glafTy wave 35
Trout of the richeft ftains their btfauties lave :
While the fwift umber^ back'd with azure green.
Glides like a (hadow thro' the lucid fcene.
S. Let founder heads and iurer heels than mine
Down precipices crawl, to fi(h and dine : 40
Lisa always nigh, Lea> uoiverfa) dream !
Boafts no'inglorious trout^ but fcorns the bream j
Huge cheven here, and ilurdy barbel, feel
Tn' unconquer'd temper of my bearded fleel :
— ^ The
Vcr. 30. _Thc Dove fprings near the three (hire iloncs,
divides the two counties of St afford Ifahi re and Derb>ihlrey
and runs into the Trent about two miles beiow Buxton.
It receivesMts namo from the fwiftocfs of iu current, and
that fwiftnels occaiioned by the decliviiy of its cuurfe, and
by being ftraitened 10 that c<^urfe betwixt the rocks. Ic is
[^fa>nous tor the clcarnefs of its It re a uq, and the excellence
of irs Trout aod Grayling. /Coitou compl. Angler* 2d
pat r, jp. 11.2.
34 This whole line is matlifefty filched from Pv>pe'f
Wiudfor for^ftj vcr. 2I0. Z^ilus.
37. Ujnbcr is another name of ihft Grayliog. This filh
/ fcldotn grows beyond ei^V\te.ei\ \t\c\\t^. \v \*^ ^fti W Ul^h
elkeem, rarely found buv \n \\\«: \>ev\»>ft\\vc ^\tvN\v%, ^\\\^
Gsiacrus, Cotton, MLoCcs Bcu^vvc*
ANGLING. 389
The tench are ilrangers; and the grayling's kiDd^ 4^
All el fe rich pafture in thefe waters find.
M. How bounteous is the charter of our meat !
Which loud proclaims, " Rife, mortal, flay, and cat ;
?' Of erery wing, the favage and the tame^
*' Of every beaft of falutary name ; 5©
*' Of every finny oar, in frefh or brine,
" Which health will liccnfe ; mortal, all is thine.'*
The Pow'r who formM the palate with degrees
Of quick difcernment, each degree to pleafe
In varying food a varying gufl has plac'd, 55
The pike'i dry flefti, and grayling's fidv'rous tafte.
S. The grayling yields no fame ; too eafy prey.
He turns his fide of gold-befpangled grey.
M. Game for my talents ; unabafli'd he'll dare,
Baulk'd e'er To oft, the difappointing fnare ; 69
Simple and bold, like blockheads of the pen.
Who write, are hifs'd, and flare, and write agen«
In the cold month, whofe holy feafl prefides
0*er time's great aeras, and bis annals guides,
B b With
Yer. 42* Agen. I know that Milton fpelleth the word
thus in his Lycidas in blank verfc I know alfo, that this
way of fpelUng it, is moft agreeable to its Saxon Etymo-
logy. Bot is u not ordinarily written again? and doth
not onr Author (o write it in all other places in thefe
dialogues? Why therefore hath be departed from the
common Orthography here? Evideotlyv to make it fe^m a
snore exadt chime to pen in the foregoing line. Zollns.
63. What enigma is here? afur tesA\ii^ Vt*.^^ vw^
9^ Thk a R T or
M^ith jou, ye northern anglers, let me ply, 65
Latkin> pellucid brook ! or Boxton^s Wye t
^Vithyour« my falfe wing's witcti*ry (hall excite
The grayling's hunger in his feafonV height.
For then a deeper fable veils his head>
A deeper fable o*er his back is fpread ; . 70
His found firm flefli^ before the knife, will flake^
And rival honours with the trout partake.
S High rhapfody ! but ramble e'er fo long^
No fi(h, fo filly, will be caught by fong.
See 1 fee I another captive ! bid your Wye^ 75
Latkin, or Dove, With this vermilion vie.
M. There's magic in your wand', your fly's a fpell.
Old Merlin form'd and blefs'd them in his cell.
Patience and hope are fled ; away I fling
Thefe lucklefs weapons, and will fit and fing. to
The trout, of delicate complexion, creeps^
Sickly, deform'd, and fquallid, in the deeps.
Lean and unwholefome, while defcending fnows
Thicken the floods, and fcourging Boreas blows :
fiut
lines ten times ovrf» I difcoTered at laft that oar Author
sneans the month of December^ in which Chriftmas fallf.
But how ridiculous is all this waftr of words! If he bad
only faid in December, or at Chriftmas. his Readers
would have onderftood him at once. Zoilos.
66. Latkia and Wye are two fmall ftreams in Derby*
Ihire. The former is of fpecial note for the tranfpa*
rcncy of its water and plenty ofGrayling. .Boxron i» well
knowo by its hot bath* Goiion> Cambden, Britannicas
Top«graphicu>
A N G L I N G. 991
But when the vernal energy prevails t§
O'er winter's gelid breath ; when weftern gales
Curl the pure (hallows and his (Irength reftore.
His fcales he brightens on the pebbly (hore ;
His colours rife, and in the rapid maze
Gay as the fpring the lively wanton plays. ^0
Ye Naiads, liften to the fifher's ftrain,
"Whi'e thus I hymn the glories of your reign :
Nor let me, wand'ring on the molly (hore«
Behold your watry treafures, and deplore,
Whi'e, partial^ youjto other hooks refign 95
The ipeikled triumphs, but refufe to mine.
Si What frenzy this I Fy on your heath'nifli ftylc!
Up, and alerty divCrlify the wile :
Sulpend a Hvirg loach, ground, ground your wand 1
Truit him to fifh, at diftauce take your {t4nd. 100
Periili that moor hen ! her untoward flfght
Turn'd a large trout jult iprioghig to the bite.
M Biefs me ! the plot iuccecds, at iait I've woo^
A lovelier trout ne'er glittci'd in the iun*
Farewei, Siir.plicius, an affair of weight X05
Demands nie now, nor linger you too late*
Swift down the (leep of heav'n, the wheels of day
To weftern waves precipitate the ray*
B b2 D i A-
Ver. 91. The Naiads, In the Heathen Syfkem of Divi-
nUy, were the Nymphs of the Fountains Farnaby ike
younger. Kinir, of the Heathen Gods* VQ^aft'f ^^^^'^^'^
on* Mofes Browne.
3J3 The a K T op
DIALOGUE IV.
Angling for Perch.
-*- .♦■ A. ■♦- -♦. ■•- A. A. ^^ » A f A f A J^Jf, • |u •■ • ■•, > j>. ^ A, •. j» «^ A f- > A f f f f f
T VVT f f WV I'VT V V V~* IT %' 4 V V V T 'V *' V *' T *' V V A* V T ^ V
GAi RULU8. LePIDUS.
G, y^A U R labour, Lepidus, is ill repay 'd,
^^ Nor will the fun befriend us, nor the
fhade ;
The open waters and the covert yield
Ko game ; where fleep the fluggard perch con*
ceal'd f
That pool was fruitful, and this willow's (hore 5
Ne*er fail'd its promife to my line before.
L. Perchance, in council niet, the perch debate
On high affairs, what weather fits the (late.
Some oracle of med'cine gives his voice,
^^ Perch, the north blows, warm ihelter be your
. choice s zo
*' Tho'
The fcene i» a river's fide; the feafen is the decline of
Spring. Ariftarchus.
Ver. 3. Turn, Reader, to the Eflay on Man, Ep. I. la
and you will find another proof of our Author's thieviih
dtipoficioB. If he had confulted me, I would have ad-
vifed him to have borrowed from writers of a higher
clafs than that Alexander Pope, fuch as BUckmore and
others: For their workf being not commonly read, by
reafon of their fnb\im\t^> mik'j be ^Iviadcrcd without ha*
zard of a difcover j* ZoWus*
*■
N G L I N 6.
39s
^' Tho* fummcr treads ujpon the fpHng, beware^
'< Your fails be frequent, and your diet fpare*
G. Let winners Uugh, but in my humble thoa ghtp
The river is abfolv'd and oars the fault.
His fav*rite point whoever means to hit^ 1 5
Muft fair occafion to bit wiflies fit.
When the fly miller, to increafe his toll,
* Mows the ftiff weeds, o^er which the choakd
dreams roti,
The green fedge^ by the current born away,
Thick an<l more thipk, within a windi'ig bay^ 29
Refts arbour*d ttoderneath the covert fear^
The prickling fins cnj 7 the failing year.
With tackle ftrong, there perforate away^
And fatlate your rejoicing ho^fc with prey.
This feafon pie ies ntit, nor tikes mine eye S15:
The furly owner of the dream fo nigh*
On yonder hill his haughty manfion fev
' And here the fordid thatch of poverty i
Where liv*d, contented liv'd, a fimpie fwatn^
H< trimmM the hedge row> and he (urn'd the plain*
Sometimes, by hunger prompted, he would creep |#
Down to the watera, in the hour of fleep.
The booty, by laborious watching gain'd> \.
His needy houiebold for a day iuilain'd.
Stern Harpax heard, the trembling wretch he fei2*dj
Toiich'd with no pity, by no tuit appeas*d% x\
Bbj
m^
3^4 The A R T of
The pregnaot wif^ her hands diftraded wrung,'
Six weepiog habes around the father clung:
In vain, the felon to the camp was dpom'dy
And nakednefs and want the race confumM.,
But, Leprdus^ thefe fportlefs hours feem long, 40
Come, cheer our duUneOi with the farmerV fong.
L* Ye fovVeigns of manors, in verfe
(Dull profe will di(honour your name)
The muTe (hall your triumphs rehearfe.
High founding the laws of the game* 45
The farmer your fport (hall fupply.
Your beagles his fences (hall break :
But, ** touch not and tafte not," you cry,
The law will its talons awake*
One hundred a year gives the right 50
To challenge all nature your own $
Tell (hort of the fum but a mite.
And your ninety-nine pounds are as none.
Hare,
' Ver. 41 • It appears evidently enoughi by Dial. VI.'
ver. 95> that our Author is by profeffioa a prieft : for he
there fpeaks with hi^h commendation of a farmer* be-
caufe truly he paid his tithes without grumbling- Judge
soWf candid- Keaderi whether it became a man of his
doth to fpenkd his time in making ballads. I forebtre to
cenfure the Angler's fong. becauie there is fome graTity
and tolerable moral inuruiStion in that : But this Far>
mer's fong is fo vain and frothyi and fatirical^ that I can*
Mot read it with any paiienfc. Zoilas«
.^^
ANGLING. 29s
Hare^ partridge^ or pheafant who eat
(There's law too for filching the flood), $$
Without a permit for his meat.
Five pouads (hall be fqueezM from bis blood.
Vexations, and fuits, and a jail
Tk'unqualiry*d gon (hall chafUfe :
Informers but fwear to your tale.
And richly be paid for your lies*
For his majefty's fervice, we'll prefs ^
The felon who (^eals but a hare ;
For his brats, the pari(h f^^eis s
All poachers and aaglers, beware. .65
G. Hah ! the wind veers to fouth, aufpicious fign !
Now watch the dancing cork and jerking line.
Down, down it dives, heroic was the bite.
He druggies (Irong, he flounces in my fight,
On terra firma now he bangs his tail, 70
Welcome, thou dulky yellow coat of mail
And mountain back, arm'd with a briftly fpine.
Twelve inches fcarce thy meafurM length define*
L. P(haw I a meer fpawnling, worth no better
, Aile:
O had you feen, in Ely's meery iile, 7^
His
Ver. 75. 83. I have been toU tViEt ont kaxVw Nsk»A. >?«v^
troth of this maryelloas fkory "vout^itd \o V\ia V5 ^^^[^
Sffi Tbi art op .
His bulkj brother^ whkh a cyclops ftrook
\^'ith beonpen cable and rough hammered book !
Long tngg'd tbe brawny b ackfrnitb at his game^
A^t lad iocMmber^d witb boge load it came.
Half bury 'd in a pike's eBormout maw^ 8o
Its finoy Ipe ars taft wedg*d into bis jaw.
Scarce eight full pounds, if Jove bimfelf bad hung
His bai lance forth, that giant perch had fwung.
G. Again^ and yet again ! tbe fofiten'd gale
Bids my glad cork on happy voyage fail. 8{
Now fleecy clouds and gently warming beams.
Alternate, overihade and gild the dreams.
Reft there, my pipe, toi^cco charms no more ;
My fcrip grow» ponderous witb its fcaly ftore.
Perch, like the Tartar clansj in troops remove, 90
And urg'd by famine, or by plealure rove*
But if one pris*ner, as in war, you ieize,
You*ll prolpcTj mailer of the camp^ witb ea(e.
L For, like tbe wicked, unalarm*d they view
Their fellows perifb^ and their path pu|-rue» 9;
Filh
tleman of rank and fortane, and therefore of nnqucftion*
able veracit>» nbu livd near the Tpot whtre this roniao*
tic tffair is faid 10 have happened : But, for my own par-
ttcular^ I look upon the wboic 10 be a fwi»g:ng lie;
Zf*ilQS.
76, The Cyelops were huge brawny fellows, who had
but one eye, and th<tt in ibeir €[>r«bettdt tbcy were Viii«
can's jonraeyinen, and ni<^de thunderbolts tor Ju,oter*
A Cyclops, tbercf'ort;, in the fignrauve itile, is a l)lack«
fmitb* Farnaby chc jotinger.
ANGLING. 297
Fifh have their various cliaraflers, definM
Not more by form and colour than by mind.
The wary trout but few temptations hit,
The perch an ideot, and the carp a wit^
G. That ideoty friend (to argue from your fpoils)
Laughs at your reafon and infults your wiles* 10I
L. Hark ! how the water breaks with dafhing
found«
G. Shock blunder'd lUj a water rat is drown'd*
S. The noife (fo oddly are ideas joinM)
Recals a pleafant incident to mind' 105
*Twas when December^ with his fpangling fnows,
Whiten'd the meads and Hung the tingling nofe,
A fquaddy tonfor, who could fi(h or trim,
Dutchman hfs paunch, but ah ! not born ta fwim.
With waddling gait, ofiicious in his way, IIO
Lacquey'd my nod^ the hireling of the day.
LoW; at an alder's outmoft branches hung.
O'er a deep pool my net coop'd roach were fwung.
For at the fnap I toil'd ; a prowling pike
Bit furious ; with a jerk unbleft I (Irike : ii;
A bait!
Ver. 106. Here agaiti our venerable Flameo runs into
the ludicrous in a mbft extravagant degree. But, furelyi
Prieils were not made to langb, nor is it their bufinefs to
fet other folks a-laughing. I know it has been faid, that
rifibility is one chara<5teri(lic of banian nature, and there-
fore innocent. tBut the falfity of that propofition, and
confequectly of the conclulioo grounded upon it, is very
glaring. For if laughter be a natural aifedlion, then it is
colpable in none to iaugh on proper ot^^^vati^x 'Si»>ax\\ vx
highly culpable in a clergyman to \av\^Vi oti «iti'^ ^at^^Sk^^^'
£rgo, Ldoghter ia not a natural aff^Ction- Xw\\x^»
4^8 Thk a R T of
A bait ! a bait ! obfeqaious to tbe twig
Kueels my light fancho of the fand red wig ;
But overpoifing on the ftretch^ at once
Plump'd like a millftone id^ 1 heard him plounce; .
Up, like a river god, I faw him rife, 120
With crowD all dripping, anil with daring eyes :
Fad on a bending bough he ciench'd his hold^
Half in the bath^ half fhudd'ring in the cold.
G. Ha ! ha ! ha ! well, if prating be a fin.
And fpleen (hould e'er to piinifh mine begin, 135
Be thou my hartfhorny Lepidus the gay,
Thv mirth (hall (jpirit the foul crone away.
I know but few fo patient of the crofs.
And fewer ftill fo merry with their lofs.
Were I a wretch who bunger'd for a place, X30
I would not on a fa(l*day teaze hii Grace*
But, thank my ftarS| my confcience is my own^
Unplac'd> unpenfion'd, and a fldve to none*
I vote^ I ferve my country, and I £{hy
l>jor foul my fingers in a great man's difh* X35
But whither do 1 rove ? on marfh born wing
The fwarming gnats now buzz around and (ling.
Fgint are your reptile baits, my (lore is fpent.
Where are the minnows good Pifcator fcnt ?
L. Rapine's vile meals the wide*mouch'd perch
fudain, 140
And blood of infant &Sh pollutes his vein.
A N G L 1 N G. 399
Jufticc decrees, th* aff ffin fhall atone
For blood he fpillj, by forfeit of his own.
Die, then, ye murd'rers, by your crime enfnar'd,
Tbcfe hands the deadly banquet have prepar*d 14J
Where that brown alder (hades the watry way,
A dappled minnow on my hook fhall play.
G* On mine, its mimic in deluding drels
( Art's gay creation) with as fure fuccefs^
Thro* yon deep violent whirlpool whiik*d a*
long, I JO
Solicits to their bane the witlefs throng.
L. We cheat the finny fools, ourfelves as blind^
Fools in our turn are cheated by our kind.
Th* empiric cheats us with his pills aoH lies, ,
The fawner cheats us in a frUn /s difguife : x^g
The ftatefman with a patriot's tongue, the faiut
Oft cheats us with a villain's face in p^int.
To heighten the (Irange farce, ourselves we cheat.
And our own p^ili'ns form the fair deceit.
G. Remember one cheat morc^ the gadding
light IM
Swift gliding on the marfh at edge of night :
From fea to fen, from field to field it roves.
The pilgrim draggles where the meteor moves.
Some village lamp he deems th' iKufive fire.
And (lumbles on the glebe, and wades in mire. t6(
Vcr. 148. Us Mimic. An art\fic\fi\ Ni\%.uoHi« cotsasis^'^
fold at the ^ihtog^ ihops. Mofea Brc^vrac.
v^
300 The art or
Now we two tedious miles mud labour o'er.
Ire watchful Mopfa ope the founding door. .
Ycr. 167. Mopfa] a fervaiit inaid. Farnaby the younger.
DIALOGUE V.
Carp.
\
Lucius, Verus.
L*T3 l^other, awake ; prevent the chiding day^
•*--^ Shake off the drowfy god, and haile away*
Now hunger keen and (hade of morning cool
Fill with affembling carp the marly pool.
V. Lucius ? the toil of ycfterday was ftrong, 5
Sleep's pow'rful fpeil has bound my foul too long*
Shame on the fluggard drone, who fnores fupine
When dazzling funbeams through his clirtains fhine :
L. Scap'd from oblivion's couch, our thought
and fenfe
Are feafted in this walk of innocence. 10
V. P eafores
The fccne is firft a country walk, next a river, then it
ihifteth to an oak at Come dVdawce, aud after a while
furnj to the banks of t\i« t'wec ^^i\t\, T\\^ ycvkj^sxXv v^
JaJ/i the time, morning, a VuxVc before ^^-jAit^iV^.
A N G L I N *• 301-
V. Pleafures like this an boned man may charm^
But doubly pleafe^ with Lucius at my arm.
L. The flars are fainting in th' ethereal plain^
And the pale moon begins to doubt her reign^
Night hurries to her weftern goal, while dawn 15
Opes her grey eyelids on the wood and lawo^
Hark ! the fweet poets of the field uprai(e.
In choral ibng, the mighty Maker's praife.
Upbraiding man ; among the reasoning thr.ong
Virtue and God but rarely tune the tongue* so
V. Who fings of -virtue, in thcfe iroa times.
Sings to the wind ; few ears endure the rhimesi,
^~But fame and wealth reward the glorious toil.
Scrawl but a novels or write notes on Hoyle.
L. La(h not the times alone, withal complain 25
Of bards unequal to the lofty drain.
The heav'nly fire once warm'd an Addifen,
In Pope it fparkled, and in Young it (hone;
C c InflirinM
Ten 21. 24. I am Confident oaf Aotfaor here fpeaketh
feelingly. This effunon of his gall upon the tim;s clearly
proveth that Tome former dull work of his own, in verfc,
and upon a moral fubje(5t, had met with its defer ved con-
tempt from the public : So that when he came to reckon
with his Bookfellcf, he had a round fam to pay on the
balance for paper and prefs work, and a bundle, contain'*
Ing moft part of his copies, to carry home with him for
fuRdry ufcj. ZoiluT.
24. Hoyle, the author of a moft elaborate and cele-
brated treaiife DO the game of Whi(K He A>ld the Copy,
I am teld, to a Bookfeller, for fix or feven hundred
pounds, a price far ihort of the value ^f that work.
27. 30. Our Author is here fpe^ltrntt c>£ ^«^tt*\ "^'ii^vs^^
Bat wherefore hiS he omitted MliVxou . llw^^o^^t ^^^'•^'^^
\w^
i^t The art op
loArinM ii> Wattt it burnt witb ftrongeft h]ztt,
£xtin6l, alas ! in our uDhaliow'd days. 30
V. Hold ; to the fportful ftrcam our fteps decline.
Articulate your rod, apply your line.
Here, watchful, patient, every fpell we'll try.
To cheat the fubtle carp's fufpedliog eye.
L. The milky gentle, or vermilion'd pade^ 3^
Or the pea's glofly green with liqu'ri(h tafte
His cbjnefs may o'ercooie*
V. Delightful wile I
When probity itfelf allows the guile.
But, from my foul, an artful wretch I hate,
Whofe.fmiles are fnares, whofe friendship is a bait :
Who hides rank malice in a look ferene, 41
And cool and fudden vents his hoarded fpleen*
I hate the fox, that ever fkulks and fleals.
And crsTms.his craving cubs with pilfer'd meaU j
Him, too, that burrows tn hit neighbour's ground^
And hatf confumes it 'ere the fraud is found. 46
L. Courage 1 my float wheels off, ill natur'tl
weed !
There from my hook a fwinging fifh was freed.
V Not fo this tench efcapes/a gallant priscv^
Welland's fam'd ilxeam ne'er fed a bulkier fiz% s®
L. My
be intended to confine bimfeir to the times neareft hit
own* Ariftarchus.
Ver. 50. TheWelland ii a Northamptonihire river. It
rjfes near Hoathoifpi runs by Harborrow» Stanvfordi Spal-
ANGLING. ^
Lm My trophy be the carp, but lo ! the light
Colours the mountain's top, avoid his fight ;
Let your betrayiq^ (hade behind ytfu run,
Turn, like the Pcrfian, tp the rifing fuot
V. Fortune has fmil'd upon your wifli, he's '
caught, 51
Keep, keep a bended rod, hold, hold him taught.
He wheels amain, he plunges to the mud.
He floats, this net tranfports him from the flood*
L, Full fiz'd, f^ir plump'd, all goodly to behold,
How his fcales gliden witii bedropping gold ! 6o
Thus man's imperial kind exert their reign,
Over all life which watry worlds fuftain :
Invention the defedlot force fupplies,
And art fubdues whate'er his nerves defies. 1
V. Come, Lucius, leave our trufly hooks to crvaCe,
Ourfelvcs beneath yon fpreading oak will mufe, 66 -
Or chat of fifli, and of the fiflier*8 trade.
L. Begin, in Greenland let the fcene be laid.
C c 2 Mufaeus
ding, psrts this county from Lrice(ler(hire and Rutland*
fliirc, and falls into the Wafhe at WicklMnt.
V. MS. lit tht Bodleian Library.
5C'. The VVclIand breedeth lench of a very large Cze. -
IVI ofps Browne.
54* The antient Pcrfians worfliipped the fun, and at
Lis lifing proftrated ihemfclvcs towards the Eaft. Our
Author doih not mran thai we (lionld imitate them in
their idolatry, but only that we /Iiould face the fun when
we angle for carp, the confcqnence of which pofiiion will
be, thai the fliadow of your body and yonr rod will fjll -
behind you, and not on the rivec to fri^^hten that i\\C>^V
cious inhabitant of ihc vrater* Faruvxb^ v\vc X^vcc^'y**
304 The art of
Mttfeus fung (your fav'rite fiflier fwain)
The deep's huge monarch ; recolledl the ftrain. 7CI
V.'In winter's realm; beneath the polar bear^
In frozen Teas and blood-congealing air^
'Along rocks of ragged ice, horrendous heap !
Which float and glitter o*er the boundlefs deep ;
Th' undaunted pinnace cuts her defpVate way, 75
In ardent qued of her enormous prej*
The watchful harpooneer, in adt to throw
Death's barbed terror, eyes the wide-ftretch'd foe.
Full on the monfler's chine he hurls from far
His threc-fang'd jav'lin with unerring war. 80
The furious fifli, in anguifh of his wound, •
Blows thro' his cfouble fpout with roaring found
High-dreaming rivers, loud as tempefts roar
Or angry waves that dafh the (lony fhore»
Headlong he plunges, thick with foam and blood 85
Wheels the vafl vortex of the doling flood :
Now, like a mounting ifle, which earthquake rears
From Neptune's ihatter'd floor, his bulk appears*
More n«ar, more fierce, aflault his every part ,
With lances gores, faint beats his ebbing heart : 90
The
Yer. 69. If we may judge by fome foregoing fpecinlens
of this writer's felf-conccit, there can be no doubt but
that by Mufxus he meaneth his worthy felf; and that in
the following lines he puffeth away fome tuftiao of his
own upon the whale fifhery, which he here introduceth
very prepofterouily in the middle of fummer. Znilus.
Ver. 88. Neptune's fliattered floor. A molt elegant cir-
eamtBcution for the boUom o? tVve Cc», 'Ue^\Mw« is the
Cod the of Ocean. Farnab^ x\ic Xqwvx v^*
A N G L I N G. 30f ^
The foul to kindred air difdainful flies,
A buoyant mafs the monfter*carcafe )ie<» .
Th* infuiting marinersviis vaftnefs tread.
They cleave his loins, they ftragglc in hii head.
Of flaking bone h» month's dt^p cavern fpoU, 95
And freight a navy with his wealth of oil.
L. By artS; like theie> fliall Britain's glbry groWj ,
With bufy life her crowded havens glow*
Her villagc&^ail fmile, her towns rejoice, .
And not a figh untune the public voice. 100
H^r poorfliail ting, floth's execrable band
X>f thefts and fnurders flee this happy land :
And round her coafls, round ocean^s uttnoft (hore,
Tkc thunder of her fovereign fleets (haH roar.
V Time was, my Lucius, when this pompous ftile
Swell'd not too high for Britain's dreaded ifle. 106 •
BfXt ah ! one (hameftil day our hopes has croft, ,
Each Briton blufhes for Minorca loflt.
Scorn'd by our friends, derided by our foes,
Heav'ns ! how^y heart with rage indignant glows !
C c 3 . O for
96. Thin monftrous Mvperbole exccedcth all bounds.
It is a downright Catachi '?i).<r. I:i plain words, it is 9 fib,
yea it Ss an enormous lie. Zoilas.
Ver. 105 &c. When I confidcr oar Author in his true
chvtradter as a Prielt, I cannot but conclude that aU hit
patriot fury is mere fplcen ; owitig to his difuppointment
of fome plump living, which be had gaped after, and for
which* perhaps, he had made moft ^fcrviic application to
the pri^e minifleri or fome one of his dependants. Zoilus*
3o6 The A R T of
for a race of honed men to rifc^ ' III
W hofe patriot fouls th' eDormous br^ibe defpife !
Whom party ^^rps not^ nor ambition fireSj
But all their country all their fouls infpires.
. L« Ca]ni> calm your generous heat, my worthy
friend, 115
Truce to all cares, our pleaCng work attend,
1 faw your angle dip.
V. He drains my line,
A carp ! the laurel of the day is mine.
L. I yield it yours, but now the July beam
Mounts to its fervid noon^ and boils the dreaoi* 12*
Enough to padinre ; the remaining hours
Demand thc^ vigour of our nobler pow'rs.
Think, think ^ dear brother, in our dediu'd fpaa
One inch will bound th' a^vity of man^
Dedu^ the blank of deep, the void between 1^5;
Our birth and youth's preparatory fcene :
From manhood take what dcknefs takes away.
And the new childhood of our lad decay.
What is the. pittance left ? That pittance prize.
Crowd, crowd it full with bus'nefsgood and wife. 130
D I A-
IIT. Thcfe lines, I believe, were written foon after
tbe lofs of Minorca. The Public has now the happinefs
to fee this vriih fulfilled. Ariftarchus.
ANGLING. 307
DIALOGUE VI.
t
Mixed Angling.
Iapis. Mysta.
L np HIS lonefome dale, tbcfc (ha^gy hills which
^ lean
O'er Chclmer's folcmn ftrcam, withflradowing fcreen^
Charm like an opiate's dream^ and thought infufe
Of fairy haunt and vifions of the mufe.
M. To thefe imbowVing (hades, from books and
care, 5
I oft for falutary eafe repair :
And here^ lapis, with the fifher's cane >
My leifure dallies, trifler not in vain \
I. I fo advife, (b write for fludious meD>
The wrath of Squill (hall never awe my pen. i a
Hard
The Scene 11 the vale of Ulting, and principally Ulting
cburch-yard by the (ide of the river Chelmer; the inunth
is Anguft* Ariftarchus.
Vcr, 2. Chelmer is an EfTcx river. It rifes above Thax*
tead in that county, and runs by Chelmtford into Black-
water at Maldon. V^ MS. in the Bodleian Lib.
Ver. 10. I am poiGiive he means by Sqaill an apotheca-
ry : and I am equally poiitive that this 1 gly refiffc*tion on
the honed Gentlemen of the Gallipot is the offspring of
chagrin. Probably he had lately paid 'ff a huge long
bill for bolulTes* Jcfuit's bark and Julip cordials : ot xw^\^
properly he fct his brain to work ou xVvt^e ^XiVo'yDk^^ "v.^
fupply f he deficiency of his purCe, and c^ca^^ «Ai -a^^^^^ ^'a^
non-paymcuu Zaiias.
3o8 The A R T of
Hard ftudy gen 'rates atramcntal bilfc
And thoughts mifhapen as the brood of Nile.
Thcfc Auguft ferYors, which inflame the fky,
Confpire to drain the nervous Haid dry.
Reft muft divide the cure, to reft be join'd 15
Some gentle aflion to amufe the mind.
M, There, doftor, there's mm^d^cine for the (lone,
The pebble^ in this perch's fkull, full grown.
m
I. This flook; my rev*rend, were he not fe lean^
Is juft as good a n oft rum for the fpleen. . 20
M« Ad eel ? thy fat is faoative for blows^.
Its virtuous drops th'obftrUdted eaf uncIofe«
I. Here> take my carp, demolifh him thia nighty
Specific rare I for dimneis of the fight.
M Obfcnre, methinks, our river fteals his way af
By thefe mean walls, where Ultiog's ruftics pray.
I. Not
Ter* I7> 24. The medicinfil virtues of thefe and other
rivrr fifb are fet forth with a inarveiious profundi r^f of
phyfical knowledge, in a treat ife written in Hebrew by
that learned Rabbi Solomon Jirchi : a tranftation where-
of into Englifli, under the title of the Complete Fiiherf
hath palled ihruo^h (ix editions, which is an inconteftible
argument of iti vaft merit. But it is fit the Reader fhbald
be apprized, that the fly Bookfeller* the better to palm
his traoflatioR rn the world fur an original, hath tranf*
poied the initial letters of the true author's name ; for
the title page faith, by J. S. ioftead of S. J. Solomon Jar-
chi. Wolfii Blbliocb. Hebr.
36. A fml^ll conntry church, a little way from Maldon
weftward. The church. yard is wafhed by the Cbeln?er,
which runs clofe by. Britannicus Topographicus in his
t«iir through Great Britain.
^ANGLING. 30f
I. Not long obfcurc ; by MilJon, ancient town.
He flows in bloody llory whb renown.
.'Twas there, uplifting from his oozy Hed
The rufhy honours «f his fca green head, . 39
He faw the Britifh heroine in her rar.
Cleave like a thunderbolt th' oppoliug war.
He (aw the rout, when jQaughter drenched his fields
With .Roman gore, and heapM with Roman fhieljs.
M. Our (lep be iight, on chc rnel ground we tread.
Here labour refts, here iletp the vulgar dead, 34
I. Sleep nindcr namelefs lUrf, or rugged (lone
That coarfely tells the owner of the bone.
The lying marble and the flatt'ring buft
Are honours facr'cd to the rich man's duft. - 40
M. This alder mark, which o'er the ftrcara dfc*
. pends.
Deep and more deep the poaly flream defcends*
Here, on the holy day, at hour of pray'r.
The carl profane oft lays his glozifig fnare*
His brothers of the plow confefs their fins, 45
He, impious wretch ! large finny lucre wins.
More
27. Maldon was the antient Caroe]odonuni,<and the firft
Roman colony pLinted in Britain, in the days of the £111-
HuntingdooHiire. Cambden* Hearoe, Horfely.
Ver. 43. K'ow truly our autlior affeAetb 10 appear in
his ecclc'iiaitic robe?. It is well if all his brethren are ai
fcrupulous as he, a»d abhor filbicg oq a Suada^j. X^AW^^
JJTO TiiB ART OF
More aft thefe robbers prowl^ like beafls of nighty
Aod pillage^ by tbe moon's perverted lights
Law-gaarded ftreams ; heoce righteous anglers pine,
Aud lore s of fith at fifhlefs tables diae. jo
But we no interdi^ed joys partake,
No laws we trample, and no fabbath break*
Unprick'd by confcience we purfuc our toil.
Rewarded with a load of honed fpoil.
Huge ills the kingdom of the fin await, 5f
And other foes than man coofume their (late :
The coot, the dab-chick, and the dreaded faake.
And fowl of forage, and the houfhold drake.
The hern's long beak, the fwaa's high-^vour'd
breed.
And bittern's trump hoarfe founding hi the reed* 60^-
Irierce difcord too, infatlate fury, reigas
Amid the carnage of the watry plains.
Trout on tbe race of lokch renew their meal.
White teeming fpawn gluts the devotiring eel.
Perch, ever warring, wade the minnowy fry, * 6s
And trembliog roach before the pick'rel Ey. ^
On thefc fwect banks, one vernal morn my foot
Struck, near an aged wHlow's Watty root,
A pike's drum^rattling hide, his fpiked jaw
Had ill f^eUr'd him from an otter's paw. 70
I. That water- wolf, of fpeciesundffin'd.
Or fifli, or quadruped, or both conjoin 'd ; j
Th#
ANGLING. 31 f^
Tfae honeft angler's hate^ the huntfman's joy.
Let fpears transfix him, and let dogs dedroy.
M. My fortune then enjoyed that fcene of blood,
Dogs^ men and horfes rufh'd into the flood. 76
There, here he vents ; a lucky jav'lin thrown
ItVith flrenuous arna, infixed him in the bone.
He dives, he mounts again, one haHy hound
Tenacious plunges with him to the ground. 80
All difappear, all re afcend from far.
Redoubled clajjours urge the watry war :
Now fainting, panting^ clofe purfu'd by death^r
To the whole worrying pack he yields his breath.
L Let injur'd nations, with like vengeance, chace
All tyrants, otters of the human race. 86
I hea,r a voice, fome fhepherd's call ; behold
He leads his bleating people to the fold.
My fpirits flag, and aching legs advife
Reft, and the cate which empty rcins fupplies. 99
The fibres by excefs of toil we flrain,
Bfac^d, (lowly brac*d to vigorous tone again.
M. Yon fmoaking cot, beat by the mountain wind.
Harbours a good and hofpitable hind.
Unmurmuring
Ver. 75. 84. Another grofs plagiarifm. This whole de-
icription is taken word tor word frojn the Compleat An-
gieff P. I. ch. II. Not to obferve alfo, how indecent ic
was for a facerdotal man to^ be pr< fent at fuch a fcene of
profane clamotr and bloodihed. But, if I am rightly tn-
formedy Nimr«d hath many of his pollerity in iiol^ ^t«
ders. Zoilus,
3ia The A R T of
UDmurmnring his annual tithe he pays^ ^5
Hit friend he welcomes^ and on Sundays prays.
There, ob found beef our ev'ning we'll regale.
And crown the fobercup with nu thrown ale;
4^^|.4»^4»^^f»4,f^^|,|.4rf^.5..|.|»f»^^»^^^^^f^^4»4.^|.4»4,
DIALOGUE VIL
Trovvling for Pike.
AxYLUi. MtrsAEus. Chiron.
A. T T IG H noon invites nr>y friends, come, fit
•* *- , and eat.
Hunger's a feasVing fauce, tho' coarfe the meat*
M. Axylus
The fcene is ihe rWcr and meadows of Wiiham ; the
month i« Odtober. Ariftarcbns.
Trowling is a polUe mode of fifhiqg for pike» the in-
Tention of Anthony and Cleopatra, and ufed bj that illuf-
trious pair* when they angled in the river Nile, as Pliny
is bis natural hiflory reporteth. A' dcfcription of the.
snetlu)d by that author, I noiv prefcnt to the cmrious rea-
der. The trowling rod hath fcvcral fmall ringlca fixed
on every one of its joints- Upon the but joint is Btted oc-
cafionally a reel with irs winch. On the reel are woand
30, 30 or 40 yards of fiik line. ^The line paflcrh throng^
the aforefaid ringles en the nid, and Is then faftened to
the gtmp» wherewith the hook is armed. The hook itfelf
is a compound of two fmall 'pi^rch kiooks placed back to
back. Between the hooks hangeth a little chsin, and at
the end of the cha'm a Vvit\e "^\uavmc\., TWe ^^lummct is
to be fowa into the movwLh o!l a.^^«i^ ^ftv» vo^Oa. ^x ^jja^V
B
t A
A
ANGLING. 313
M. AxyluS; generous friend of human kind^
Large as thy ample fortune is thy mind ;
Sincere thy bidding, bounteous the repafti 5
All owe you grateful thanks, nor I the laft*
The feafoD fmiles, this mild Odober ray
Cheers like the fetting of a fummer's day*
We a(k no bow*T, fweet is the open (ky,
The turf our board, and htav'n our canopy. !•-
The meads of Witham wear a fainter green.
Mild autumn here paints no unpleafing fcene ;
Reft, red our rods on troubled Frofhwell's brink —
A* Boy, pierce the flafk, the fifher's health we'll
drink.
M. Fro(h well, thou Ethiop naiad, flow of pace, 5 c
Chelmer's fair god impatient waits th' embrace.,
D d How
geon ; the hooks being left without, expofed to fight.
The Bait thus faftened is to be kept iaconftanc motion
in the water, fometimes futfered to fiuk, then grad^ually
raided, now drawn wirh and now againft the ftream,
the better to couhrerfeic life. If a Pike is at hand, he
miilakes it for a living fiih, fcizes it, runs off to his lurk*
ing place^ and in ten or twelve minntes gorges* You tbea
give a fudden jerk, play him- till he is tired, draw him
towards the bank, and, with a landing hook, bring him
qui on terra firma« Pancirollus.
Vcr. 13. Froihwell, otherwife Pant, is WithAm rirer.
It rifes near Radwintei-, in the north weft Angle of EflcXf
pafles by Witham, meets the Chelmer a little above Mai-
don, and a little below that town falls ivith the Chelmer
into the fea. V. MS. in the Bodl. Libr.
is* This is the downright Pagan bombaft. Nothing
more is. meant than that this river runs into the CheU
mer, which he might have teld ns, methiaks^ in plaim ^
wards. Zoilas*
3X4 The A R T or
How oumVous are the natioas of the (Iream !
The mud-enamour'd tench» the watchman breanii
Yare's lafcious ruff, and pike-iatlcing roach.
The grov'ling gudgeon, and the rill-b^rn loach, ao
And chevin grofs, and (hapely barbera miglit^
And the fierce river*(hark*8 tremendoui bite.
And painted trout, which, half the rounding year.
Springs at the fly in currents Iharp and clear.
A. The pike'f my joy, of all the fcaly (hoal % z$
And, of all fifhing inftruments, the trowl.
My bounding heart againft my bofom beats.
Now while my tongue the glorious (Irife repeata*
O when he feels my jerking hook, with pow'r
Apd rage he bounces from his weedy bow'r ! 30
He trat erfes the flream with (Iroog career.
With ftraitenM firing his madding courfe I fteer ;
He fprings above the wave, at length o'ercome
This evening he (hall feaft my cl^eerful home.
^ Grant
t8. The watehtnan bream: ont or two of them will
lie on the top of the water« rolling and tumbling them*
felves, while the reft are under him at the bottom:
and fo yoo fliall perceive him to keep centiael. Walton.
19. Tare is a Norfolk river. Jtt fpring 11 near Hiog-
ham in that county. Having joined Windfer. a little
helow Norwich and Waveney, above Burgh Gaftle, it falls
into the fea at Yarmouth. V. MS. in the Bodt. Libr.
19. RulF. TUui fiih dtfFcra httle from a Perch except
in the iize, .which feldom exceeds (ix inches: infomuch
that it II joftly named Perca flnviatilis minor. It it fe*
cond to none for the delicacy of its ta(U* A very large
diih folLof them, well fricailecd, it an admirable quieter
of the furor veotriculi, or appetitoi canintis. Gelaeros*
MrookfiQ^i in^his art «€ Xu^Wni^.
ANGLING. jij
Grant me your prcfence, each my honout'd gucft, jf
To good Serena we intruft the reft.
M. Serena, knowing in all houfehold art,
Graces^ in ev'ry fcene, each changing part*
Your table (he improves -, her curious care
Bellows thq Taper delicate and rare* 40
y^t, unoffending be my tale ; the dilh
By various recipes may pleale our wi(h#
'Twas where theStour, with his broad humid train^
Sevfrs your hills from lowly Stratford's plain^
My fifliing «Bra with a luce begaDj, 45
Dceil by the jolly- aMftreft of the Swam
Whh dez'trous knife (he Aript hit filver mail^
And bath'd the carcafe in her cleanly pail.
Then^ like embalmer of the Memphian race^
With critic eye (he markM th* iacifion't place 50 •
Juft under the late-heavioggUls, and drew
His bIood*warm entrails reeking fVom their ftev^
In the difbowell*d void, (he next con?ey'd
Sweet»breathing marj*ram, and the fpicy blade.
Fragrance of thymei aquatic Sav'ry's fpoil, jjf
And the churn's golden lumps of clodded oil :
The pickled oyfter in due order pafs'dj
All-feas'tting falt^ and rich anchovy laft*
Dd ^ With
Ver« 49* The Memphiam raee are the old Egyptian
kiogs. The city of Memphis wail their royal feat. Fa.^-^
saby the younger.
3i4 Tub ART of
With laths and fillet on his axle bound.
By culinary laws he wheels his round. 6t
His liquor'd fides emit luxuriant fteam
Of claret^ Spanifh fprats, and recent cream.
Now^ fmoking in the difh, he fwims once more ,
In a hot bath (the pan's unwafted ilore}.
With juice froni Seville's piquant orange preft, 6§
Such fiipper thce^ Apicius^ would have bleft.
, A. Mod arts^ 'tis faid^ can boaft in ftory'd fame
Their birth^ progrefHon^ and the founder's name.
Ours, by what genius are its honours fung ?
Growth of what clime ? from what invention
rprung I T
Say, man of letters, can thy reading (hew
Thro' this blind labyrinth a faithful clew ?
M. Walton, our great forefather and our pride.
The curious fearch with happy labour try'd :
He found our wand in wild Arabia nurd, Jf
And patient Job great fifherman the firft*
But brains of Scholars are inventive things.
Read Monmouth's Geoffry, read Buchanan's kings.
He
Yer* 62. Spaniih fprats. Who, in the name ofgoodnefs,
but fach an adept in criticirm as myCclf, could fiod one
that ihefe Spaniih fprats are anchovie«? Zoilus.
66. Apjcius was a famooc Roman gtatton iu the days
of the Emperor Tiberius. Farnaby the younger.
Yer. 78. Geoffry of Monmouth's hiftory of the Britifh
Kines, and Buchanan's hiftory of the aniient Kings of
Scotland, are thought by feme to be mere Romancet
Faraiby the younger.
ANGLING. 317^
Tetj if the mufe's wreath beftows renowsj
1$ not our name immortalis'd by Browne I 8» ^
C. Nature, my friends, whofii certain figna ordai» t
The time to fcatter and to reap the> grain, .
Governs our art : your idle rods fufpend <
lo lore's niceJeafoii^.tili in May it end.t
For when the Ram falutcs the remeant fun^ . "85 ^
And wliile his mounting wheels thro* Taurus run> .
The pregnant females of the dreamt expeL*
Their oVal fperm, in fume feled^ed cell : .
Th' attending mate^ auxiliar of his wife^\
Pours, over all, the principle of life*. ^ i
Paint laflitude fucceeds^ and hate of food.
Wait till one moon reftore the^hung'ring mood»
%
But Cancer's heat, or Leo's hotter pow'r, .
Brings the tench forward to her painful ^lour*
And, Arange to tell ! now, while chill autumn blows^ >
The trout prolific feels a mother's throes : ^(^
Yet, (Iranger ilitl, if fame our faith obtains^ .
The carp £x labours in the year fuftains*
Dd.3 A. .
8o« Mofes BrowDPy .who pubfiihed niac pifcatory e*
clognes, is the perfon here intended. .Bot» farely, t»ft< and <
candour would have laoght' eur author to have celebrated '
that Poet in the mod round affirmative ftile, as thos,
Oor Kane's immortalifd by tnnefol Browne. Where- -
as, in pn^re envy^ he.exprcireth himfetf in the form of in«^
tcrrogatioa.
Is not our name immortalird by BcQWse ! • Zdljiaf*.
85. 86» The fun is in the fign called the Ram in th« ^
inoDth of March; in Taurus, in the moTkvU ^i K^^t^\ Vow-j^
Ci9Cfr/ ifl rhe lOOAth of Jaac. faxu^^ft^ A>^ ^^^^a^^^r- -
3l8 TflB ART or
A* Arife^ tdmoDi(h*d by the fcanty day.
Our wands upbraid us with this long delay* loo
Help I quick^ advance the landing hook ; he'a mine^
I feel himj how he pulls the ftretcbing line I
A pike — ^
M. You've loft biro, he has burft the fnare,
A. Vexation ! fhall my hopes this infult bear ?
C> Peace, dear Axylus s fret you 'ere fo long, 105
Fortune but laughs when accident goes wrong*
Shorten your hopes, nor yet the fliorteft truft.
But to whatever befalls your mind adjuft.
M* And yet, to adtion what impels the hearty
In fuflPring what upholds, if hope depart .' no
Hope is the lover*s balm, the foldier's mail.
The courtier's pen£on, and the merchant's gale*
Hope lends her crutches to low-ftooping grief>
And bids the future rife in our relief:
Again; and yet again fhe may deceive, 115
We love th' illufion, and we ftill believe.
C. Joy to Mu&us ! to the bank- ward draw^
Mo ftatute fi(h ; ah ! tremble at the law.
A. Chiron, attend ; your whirling axle fee, 120
Tour watch examine.
C. On the ftroke of three.
A.
Ter. 1 18. No ftatote fiih* By the ftatute. Pike mnft
aot be taken nnder ten inches : The forefeittire ii twenty
Aillings the li(h, and the engine they ares taktn with*
Can£dicQS Philanthrof. ibt\^^mAux«\ ^«^
ANGLING. 319
A, Spare him fome minutes till he gorge hit
meal*
Now expedite his fate^ fpin, fpio your reel,
C. Hail^ fcaly terrour^ bail ! falute from* (hore
Thy liquid realms^ De*er to faUte them more. 12S
A. Blefs me ! a fize for facerdotal tafte.
The reaor't cook his thirfty hide (hall bafte.
C. Sufficed with game, my thoughts Til entertaia
With nature's wonders in her watry reign*
Teli> how the prudent barbel roots below, 130
Treafures her fpawn, and mocks th* ioddious foe: .
What to the fpawnlels eel a race fupplies.
Why at the thunder's awful voice (he flies :
What periods bound the fwimming lives, and where
To fun'ral grots their livelefs kin they bear. 135
Raptur'd, I fee the foldier crab explore
His change of armour on the tide-wafh'd (hore.
Enlarg'd in bulk, uneafy in their cafe,
Down the fteep cliff their annual march they trace.
They rove the beach, the (helly floughs they try, 14^
Sagacious this rejcA, and that apply :
Two rivals now for the fair prize contend.
Fierce is the &ay, much martial blood they, fpend* '
The vi^or all at once leaps out to view
Forth his old mailj and bolts into the new. 145^
That
136 &:c. This account of tlie fifh called the Soldier-
Crab, is cabbaged from BrookeiiuS| cb« TZ. of UU oxv^^ K^sc^
liog* 21oilas*
3a« Thb a R T ot
Tbat Teg^tadng &(h, whofe ruliflg Bftme
It borrowed from a ftar, in form the fame.
Confounds the (age t (he mocki the woandlag ftoel;
. Her own balfamic Juice each wound will heal*
Lop off her limbs, the vital nave will IBng i j« .
New radii forth, and other limbs will fpriDg,
So the ditch-Polype/ wbk& the diccri jdivide
Tranfverfi;, oblique, in head or tail^ oriide^^
Lives in e&ch part ; each part, Inflao^ ^th ibul^
Re^ullulates and forms a perfed wholcf i^r
A* Have fifli the hearing oi^an ? ;
C. 'Tis dony'd.
But Bacon's name adoma th' affirming fide.
146. &e. There is a ftrange talc abeat thepQliiogof.
fomc ot ihefe (Lar*fi/h to pieces bjr two Frenchmen, and
how they foon grew and became as whole as ev«r. It rs
related by Baker on the microfcnpe p. 99. as foUowa: Mr
Guerrard and Mr Jaflieu broke and cat ftar-filh into feve^
ral parts, and had the pleafnre tafee the feiveral parts coa*.
tinae alive,, and their woonds cicatrize apd heal. Me -
Gerrard de Villars has feen, on the coaftf near Rochelle,
the (tar-fiih patting forth new radii in the room of thofe
they had been deprived of. I doubt not but all this will £
pafs mafter with fuperficlal readers for a wonderful true '
ftor^ : but. for my own part, when 1 refle<n; on the incre-
dibility of the thing that two or more graye philofopber^
even Francbmpo, ihoqld employ themfelveiin this childii|| ^
manner^ I am ready to conclude that frmie deep moral
myftery is couched here under a very ingenious fyml^olical ^
fable. For example, a ftar fifli may be the hierbglyphic
of an Englilh bankrupt. He is puilfd in pieces, bat by
fome internal refoorces, which he ever fecretes, he gr owe
again, and foon becomes entire and full as before. This
re^polluJation of his fortunes hath been obferved after fe* .
yeral dilaceratlons of the fame kind. As for the French
phiJofuphers, they may be fnppofed to reprefent Bum-foai* .
Jiffs. Knigmaticis JRgjpxlacusi \a Vv% u««>aS!^ ^ £Uaco>.,,,
ANGLING. 331
M. Learo, what of late my wond'ring eyes beheld
Near the green rnargiu of the war-fam'd Scheld.
Not far remov'd from where proud Antwerp bends
Her ftretching crefcent^ and to heav'n afcends^ x6l
A palace*abbey ftands^ commanding round
A rich extent of facerdotal ground.
There holy Bernard's white-gown'd Tons, retir'd
From the lewd worlds with Burgundy infpir'dj 165
Hymn the bright virgin^ or with facred glee
Sing requiems to the dead for ghoftly fee.
For thefe with lufcious fruits the garden glows^
For thefe the meat round the flopM terrafs fiows^
Thick with enormous carp ; I ftw tkem rowl, X7«
Gaird by a pradis'd brother of the cowl.
His well-known whiftle they obey'd, they fped
In wallowing heapS; and hope the promised bread :
Carp (hould'ring carp, th' injedled merfel fnap.
As monks pufh monks in fcuffle for a cap. 1 75
A. Let idle Chiron talk 1 your work purfue,
Be brilk, Muikus, the long fhadows view.
Hah, Dromo ? my Serena's tender care
Connfels retreat i come, other joys we'll (hare;
WcMl
Ver. 170. I grtnt that the word rowl U here fpelUd in
conformity to its pedigree from the French rouler. But
inafmnch as id every other place where it occurs ia thefe
dialogues, it is written Roli« it is plain, that nor Author
altered the orthography here, merely thai it might look a
ketterrbyme to C9wl. Zoilus*
J2a Tui ART of
W«'U brim the bowl^ the blazing heartb we^U
heap. i8o(
M. Good cheer will mount me to Apolfo^s deep;
C. An early fupper breeds untroubled fleep.
i8r. Apullo'i fteep is the fommit ofmouot PdroafTus, a
kill ID Greece facred xo the mufet aod ApoUo tti« .gud of
▼erfe. Farnab^ the yomigcr.
i8j. Infiitferable arrogance^ for this Mnfaeas is a poet»
and this, poet is aar author, and ibis onr author fpeakt
of climbing to tbe rerjr top of ParnaiTus without toy dif-
ficulty, yea by the pauhry fillip of a good fupper and a
glafs of red port* Whereas that region is inhabited only
by the fiiblimeft fpirits, and attained by none but Flatmani
^Tom dUrfy, Taylor ihe water poer» the Aoihor of Prince^
and Kinpr ArUiar» and by a few otbera oeedkfa to mcnti*
•n. Zoiiai.
AAA f it fc A 4 t, ,t,A,a ti a ii a ti A 4 t> 4 A ▲JL^AA^A •^■^a.A-a.a. a.a^
VT V T T W T I' T T % T V TT T 'F T WT ▼▼TvWT FTVTTVTVv
DIALOGUE Vlir.
Fishing for Pike with Lay-hooks.
▼TT WTTV W TV TVTvTTTT ▼▼▼VTVTTTWf ▼▼▼▼TV
ICKRUf. CaURVS*
I. /nr^ H£ fun^ BOW wheeling thro* the fifberV
•*• fign,
Farours my vowS| his beams well-omen'd (bine :
Orwell
TheTeeoe is the banks of the river Orwell; the montfa,
Febroary. Arlftarchnt.
Layhooks. This way of taking Pike is an excellent in«
rcnijon of the moderns, whereby their fuperiority to the
Mr/cuts is fo maaifcfiU xba\» Yn^A \\ \>^%ii xct^W^ec^*. ^
k
A N G L 1 N «♦ . 323
Orwell imbibes the ray, the froft of night
Difolves; and pike with rapid rajre will bite.
C. Eachriver^ which y oar Suffolk fpriogs fupply^ 5
Shrinks to a rill before a northern eye :
Such (lately dreams our teeming vales oVrfpread^
So wide their channel^ and To deep their bed.
L Tet^ from bis fertile urn my Orwell yields
Waters as fweet, and bathes as lovely fields. >•
His deeps and (hoals^ his weedy and his clear.
With game are peopled thro' the changeful year*
How
Mr Wotton or Dr Bentley, it would fairly have deter*'
nained the vidlory on their fide in their coatrovefy with
Temple and Boyle. Thii cnrioot method is as follows :
At the taper end of ah hazel ftick, fourteen or fifteen feet'
l«ng» is fattened by a piece of cord a fmall crotch or reel.
About the crotch yon wind fifteen or twenty yards of
ftrong packthread, JeaYing a yard thereof to hang loofe*
This loofe yard of lino is tied to the armed wire of the
hook* after having drawn the faid armed wire betwixt
the iktn • and ribs of a living roach. The bait being
thns put on the hook, and the hook tied to the line, ana
the line gently inferted in a flit in one of the legs of th«
crotch, the hazel ftick is fixed into the bank- of the river*
fo as that the bait may play at liberty hslf a yard or more
under water. Wheti a pike feixes it, he jerks the ftriog
out of the flir, whereapon all the line drops from the reel
or crotch, and gives him freedom to make for his den. In
about a quarter of an hoar he fwallows the ^fli, and is
then by proper management eafily drawn aibore. New
parallels of the antieuts and moderns in maoufcript, ihort-
]y to be publiihed.
Ver. I. The Fiflier's fign. The Son is in the Agn caU
led the Filhcr» daring the month of Febmar j. Farnaby
the younger.
3. Orwell it a Suffolk river, which rlfet near Rattlef*
den below Wulpit in that coonty. It receives the Gip*
• pinj^Toon after in has pafled Stow-markrt« Fvotn. \>Bk.«Ti^«.
it goes foreward to Needhaaa* fitamiotA; ^r^vL^xA'Ck* %V^^ .
wich, and eaUn the fta by KarwicVi. T* "UL^* "^^ '^'^
3^4 I'hb art of
How oft^ exulting from thele banks, Vre comcp
Weary and laden « to my humble home I
Sv*n winter pleafet here ; when winter binds 15
The clod like iron^ with his freezing winds.
Here, in defiance of the bUft, I trowl
For the ftrong luce deep-harbour'd in his hole.
This dreaded dragon of the ftreams I bilng,
A gentle thrall, fad in my (lender ftring s 20
My twirling reel's the omen of his fate.
Whene'er his rav'nous gorge devours the bait*
Elfe, arm'd with (louter war, my fturdy hand
Lugs, and high whirls him gUtt'riog on the ilraad.
C. It Orwell be a god, as poets fiog, 25
His godfhip, fnre, has wander'd from his fpring.
Your lay, elfe, founding thro' his watry court,
Inftant had rais'd him to alfifl: our fport.
I. His godfhip hears, mark, mark this empty reel.
No lying fign, a weighty fifh 1 feel : ^0
Poife, poile him, Caurus.
C. On his flefh, I guefi.
Six failors ftomachs to the full may mefs.
I. Another's run^ and yet another line, ,
This booty might a princely palate dine.
That book's abortive, but the deep-gafh'd bait 35
Shews fome huge jaw referv'd to future fate.
C. Hah ! whence that flutt'ring found !
I. A heron's wing ;
Arch felony art thou c2lu^1\ \ioV^^&>9.\^V^^Tv:i Cbring.
ANGLING. 31^
C. Our Iia£le he hat launch'd, he mounts in air.
The wood's tpo ponderous for his flight to bear* 49
He drops. " .
r I. Plunge, J3wlcr, gripe the wearjr'd prey,
This righteous koife the viilaia thief (hall flay.
Thy tkin, for terror to the rav'oing r^ce.
Expanded wide^ the miller's wall (hail grace.
C. Mild is your wiater, merry is your game, 4$
My toogue no more (hall Suffolk ftreams defame.
I. Full * in the middle of the bouodiog line
Where ours to Norfolk's open palmares join^
Two neighbour founts with adrerfe currents rua^
That fecks the wellern, this the rifing fun. fm
Thence Oufe the LfCfs his bumble (lores obtains^
And f Waveney hence his nobler waters gains.
HarKjbone's fam'd kineby limpid Waveney graze.
And Bungay from her height his ftream fur?eys.
Between them Wortwell, near the public way, §§
Extends her ftraw-thatch'd huts and walls of clay s
Yet Oft her croaking fen (lill dwells a pair^
Whom time (hall never from my bofpm tear. .
.His counfel guides, her hands the widow feed.
Both lov'd, both honoured by the foul of need* 6«,
Their cottage is my villa, where I reign
^Lord of the ftream, which laves their old domain.
£ e Come,
• hophttm Ford.
t y\ri\rtnsy is the county mer» '^VvOdl^Vv^ci^^^^^J^
from Suffolk*
324 Thb art of
Come, and with me their bounteous larci bleft^
Coofie, and with me fair Waveney^s wealth poSefi.
Roach^ gudgeon; dace our toying art (hall feel, 6{
Our ferious ikill huge pil&e and jpondrous eel :
Bright carp the dT'ag, tench (hall the bow-net fill^
And percii by moments teize the diving c[uill.
Along the (Iream, in the Tweet fummer eve.
Our little gondola her path fhall cleave : 70
While we, at eafe, the floping hills admire
By^ Ceres drefs'd in plenty's rich attire.
The culturM hills a range of gardens feem.
Behind their tops finks the day's golden beam :
And Rcd*nhalt*8 awful tow'r, juft looking o*er, 75
The river Views and a1der*(hade(f (hore.
C. Come, and with me our northern landfkips
(hare, ' *i
Our mountains climb, and look thro' purer air :
Seas, rivers, rpcks and vales in profpefl ly.
In the vafl: circle of the bounding Iky.
Come, and with me our angling joys partake.
And (leer by compafs o'er the fea*broad lake :
On * Win'dcr's banks, a folar journey ftray
There wallow tro«t no Sufiblk (Iring can weigh t
There perch gigantic cut the foaming ,wave, 5^
Whofc force the pow'r of all your lines will brave. .
There
• Winandcr Mere in Weftmoreland, called Wiu'dec ^y
the people there.
^ A N G L I N G. 3*7
There too^ de&r'd by nations from afar^
Swims ihe bright beauty of the lufcious char.
!• Ypur Meres furpafs in grandeur ; ours nnay claim
No mean memoir in topographic fame. , 90
Nor yet defpife our ponds^ whofe waters deep
Sweet o*er.the golden crufo^.and the heap
Of fat'oing bream; while the parp's radiant fcale
And ileeker tench their oozy nymphs regale. ,
From Ipfwich, tow*rds the rifing fun, purfuc 9*5
0ouble a Sabbath's journey of a Jcrw ;-
Along the fladlum, where for annual gold
Fleet courfers thunder o'er the dully mould.
Three refervoirs will then refreffi your eye.
Broad in the Warren's fwampy dale they ly. 106
TheSrtutor'd fowl their fellow fowl betray^
Wheedled from ilarving climes by plighted prey.
Sly> from behind his art* wove ikreen of reed^
The mafter cads the grain, the fcholars feed;
The foreign guefls (leal on, and unaware X05
Flutter and perifh in his ambufh'd fnare*
Ee 2 Thofc
Ver. 96. According to the traditioR of the Elders, 'tis -
not lawful to travel more than ilx furlongs on the Sabbath.
MS. Rab. M. Maimon, ia the Yatican Library*
97. Stadium is a borfe courfe; here it fignifleth Ip*
fwich race ground* Farnaby the younger*
loi, 105. When the decoy-docks fly abroad* it is not
known whither they go, but fome conjecture they fly quite
over into Holland and Germany ; where they meet with,
"others of their own kind, and, fortin^ nv\v\\ Otv^vcv^ ^^^^'^'♦'^'^^
fome art unknown to us, draw xogetYvcr 2^. n"^^ twwwJ^^'c w. ^
ffwls, and, in a word; kidnap tYvem ItotaxVLtTvE ^"^'^^^^^^
3a8 . The ART oj
Tbofc watert^ ftor'd from many a fecret Ilaice,
Plebeian and Patrician fins produce*
The pike, like Aurengzebe, niaintaing his ftate^
Roafh die by thoufands, for his month is fate. IIO
If roach you fcorn, the nobler bream flkall grace
Your haughty triumph with his captiv'd race*
Or if, perchance, war*s every art (hovid fail^
And, heartlefs, homeward your tir'd fteps you trail,
Some beauteous landfkip may refieve your pain, 1 15
The pride of fummer in her ev*ning reign*
For the road rifes to a gentle hill.
Where I and Florio pans'd, our eye to fill*
Thence, pleafiag Ipfwich, on oiir right we hail
Thy rooft and temples clu(ler*d in the yale. Ijt^
Her river, oa the left, expands its tide^
And, moor'd afar, diminifliM veflels iide»
The fun's defcending glory we behold,
Tbron*d in his purple chair, all fringed with gold,
'^ Full
>
try: For befog once brevght out of their knowledge^ they
follow the decoy ducks as a dog follows the Iportfinaii;
and 'tis frequent to fee thefe fubtle creatures retnra with
a vaft flight of fowls aUng with them, after they hare
been abfent federal weeks together. Briiann. Topo-
graph, in his tour thro' Great Britain, vol. 3. p. 22.
Ver. X08. Among the old Romans, the Plebeians were
the commonalty, the Patricians the nobility. Farnaby
the ;|OQnger.
109. Aurenasebe, a tyrannical emperor of the Mogolf.
Ogilby's trareis of Dutch ambafladors.
117. This profpeaive hill is caUed, in the language of
the place, Biihop's hill. After long and painful fearch into
divers aniient manuCtt\vvt, 1 had the felicity to difcorer,
tliat the hill derived xVvax «iVV^\W\<»xv ^t^m^vv^ ^Kihop,
who was owner or occni?\cr o^xVe ^t^xixv^ ^^yw. ^^t.x.«N«.
fioce. Wormli Anua^Vx. Su«vj\c*
ANGLING. 339
Full in our front; and round their fov'rcign
glow'd "5
Prifmatic dies, that up the zenith flow*d :
The coloured fcene all Newton's optics (how*d.
' ^ C. Thefe are butfhews^ Icenus^ in the fcheme
Of angling a<flion^ which adorn our theme : 1 30
Some cafuar^ fome as fubjefl parts obey'
In the fwect drama of a fi{her*s dayi
Our point is paftime^ angling is the means^
Ponds^ lakes/ and rivers form the (hiftiog fceuesr
Captures of fi(h the fly intrigue employ, 135
And changing place diverfifies the joy.
I. Such piace^ fiich joy I promife ;' if our clime
Stay you^ till ruddy fummer pafs her prime.
From Ipfwich eaftward lies a wondVous (pot ;
Two hours will reach it with a Suffolk trot. 140
Nigh to the fait fea briok^ the mooiry land
Sinks in a bafon fcoop'd by nature's hand^
With many a bay, and many a winding creek^
Whofe pooU with fweetefl: exhalation reek :
King's Fleet the name^ which neighb'ring clowns im«
pofe, 14s:
The Lake Elyfian, what the mufe bcftows.
When the (lanch hound his .perplex'd quart'riagt
tries,
And whirring phcafants from the fiubble rif^^
^ Fe 3 Pt^NicV
a3o The A R f of
Probps aodi there ^Ipp'd our anoual quill.
While courteous Damon bleiC the bord'ring hill :
Damon^ the court(sou» fylvaa ! lies at reft, 151
The bord'ring blU no more by pamoa bleft.
Therethe new Bownet's dpyble eoncate (weeps
The jQiooy tencb^ fam'd Celfut of the deeps.
There play the wantpu roach \ our pla^ begins, 155
We throng our floating well with crimjG^n fins*
Now ChiSt^oii plies t^he flafhing oar, and naw
The level of a long canal we plow.:
In even row, on either fide 19 Teeo
The tali ru(h waving in his.coat of j^reen. |6o
To Oeben's ba;iks the :watry vijiia tepds.
And Baudfey's boly tow^r the lengthniog vifto eiods,
«
Our roach we ipit, the rolling trimmers caft,
vCommend them to the breeze^ then break our faft«
We
Ver. 140. Old H^mer has in gratitade prefcrved in
hit immortal Iliad the name of a Leather-drefler» by whom
he bad b«ca hofpi|a)»ly entertained. 10 Uke manner, I
doubt not ottr Author here commemorates fome worthy
country gentleman, or fir^ rate farmer in thofe parts, by
whom his friend and felf nfed to be conrteoQily lodjred
In their annual expeditions to the Mere of King's Fleet.
Ariftarchns. , ,
159. Celfns was a celebrated Rom'^n phyGcian in the
reign of the emperor Tiberius. Farnaby the yqiingcr.
.159. A certain un(5tuous moiftnre peculiar to -the
tench, is fappofed to be medicinal to other fiHi. Mofcs
Browne.
161. Debeo, VWoodbridge river in Suffolk. It rifes
near Mendleflum, runs by Debenham and Woodbridge,
find falls into the fea ;it Bandfey-haven. V. MS. 10 the
the Bodl. Libr.
16^ Trimmers, anotlactWx. o^ £i.^\vk^t^T ^\V«^ ^ra«-
ti/cd by Anthony and Cltoijaw^ \tw\.\i* \%\a ^»»\\% va.
A N G L I N e. 331
W« raven down our homely vholefome meal 165
(No joyjiike tbefe high»pamper'd gluttons feel)
Beneath a^ lowly roofi our ikiffs retreat
From wet Qrion and Ae Dogftar*s beat.
But noW| the rifiing cloud a temped breeds^
The weft wind whiftles in the ruflling reedi^ 179
And ruffles into foam the darkening lake ;
> Full on its face the pond*roua vapours break^
Down pours the clattering rain^ and far and nigh
Smokes the black landfldp and the hazy iky.
Th'horizon brighten 8| from the dripping fprays i7f
Sweet mellow notes falote ih* emerging rays.
Our moorings we unloofe ; to fea amain,
. Like jolly maJtiners-we pufli for gain.
Alert with hope, each eagle eye explores
The middle water and the feedy (hores, l8«
Numbering our fcatterM buoys ; with bufy hands.
And ihouts that echo from the diftant lands.
We haul our lines, our little fmack we freight
With many a pike which mates the falmon's weight.
!• The
the Lowjer E|{ypt* A very old anoaymoiis Greek writer
glveth the following account of the method. A trim*
flier is a finftU c^rlioder of wood. Aboot the iQiddle^
which it turned to a lefs diameter, is wound a quantity of
good ftrong packthread, twelve or fifteen yards, or tbere-
abonts* A yard thereof is let to hang down, and is titd
to the armed wire of a jack-hook, after a liVijig roach
hath been put on thie faid book in the manner above de*
fcribed in lay-hook fiihing. The trimmer, thus fintilL«d.«\%
caft upon the water to fcek its fortune* \^ «l Y^V.^ x'«>Bje. 'Cqa.
hntt, he ruaa rhe line off the tritniacr, ^tv^ tvcx\t% '^^^
mwMj with him to the reeds neat x\ic ftioTc* 'Ra»sAXW»»*
3J2 The ART cf
I. The falnoo's praifes to my verfe beloagi 185
King of the dreams^ and glory of oar (bog.
He claims the rivers, and he claims the feat,
Thofe for his fummer joys, his winter thefe.
Now ID the (lorm he ftems the mouatain waves,
And DOW the thund'ring catara^ he braves, 1^0
Tivy or W^ear ; when remeant from the deep,
RcDCw'd in vigour he eflays the leap.
Then fpriDging with a bound furmoants the height^
Dathes the foam, and glories in his might.
Strong falmon tribes, ye know my (IroAger hand,
Ye know fubjedion to a hair's command : 196
Whether in Lone your merry wakes ye hold^
Or Deva, haunt of wizard druids old.
Ver. 185. The falmoo makes for tbe rivers end of
every aatumo» and returns to the Tea e^ery fpring. Mo*
fes Browne.
191. Tivy is a Welch river. It has a conlidcrable fall
into ihe Tea about three miles below Cardigan. V. MS.
10 the Bod]. Libr.
191. Wear is firft formed by the confluence of feveral
brooks in the county of Durham ; a little aboye which
city tr hath a notable cataracft. It emptieth iifelf into
the lea at Weremooth. V. MS. as before.
197. The river Lonct or Lt!ne, ifTueth out o€ Lnne
forell in W.ftmoreland, runi by Lancafter, and falls into
the fe.T about, a nii!c below MiJdkton. V. MS. as before.
198. Deva or Dee. is .* Cheftiire river, thonp,h begun in
Wales. By its ci-urfe it parieih Chefliirc from Flint.
It falKth into ihcli ifti fea below Wv*li Chefter. V. MS.
as b' f'^re.
]98. Milico, in his Lycidas, talleth thi« riv^r Dera's
Viiz^rc dream, on *tcoaMr <:f its nei^! Hourhooti to the ifle
of Aiiglci- ^\, b«*principaUeat of the DruiJs, who were the
piieils and conjareri oC tV\c o\d "ftt'wtitk*, Mofes Browne*
ANGLING. 4,3
P waft me back^ kind fortune, to the fide
Of the fwift Teei' yngovernable tide ; jtOd
And Tweedy bego^ on Caledonian hilhi
Whole far-fam'd waves th^ falmon nation fills*
I. Beckon me. Naiads, to the foutbern vales.
Where his long liquid tram your mighty Severn
trails;
And where the might of more majeftic Tham^^ 90f
O'er finny nations of unnnmberM nameSf
Rolls his broad wave, and boails, witbiu his bounds
High flavoured falmon thro* the world renown'di
C. Icenus, our poetic rant, I fear,
Startles yon ftaxing lout, he (hakes his ear* dl«
From
900.'. Tees is tht nor them honndary of Torltihire. Its
birth is in Teefdalc foreft, ntar the confines of Dnrham,
Camberlaqd and IfVcftmoreland. It is fo rapid a ftreatnt
tliat no other fifli b^t falmon can live in itt Brodkefiast
V« MS. as before.
231. The Tweed rifes in Twecdale in Scotland, parteth
Scotland from NorthumberIand» and falleth into thefca at
TweednoQth near Berwick. V. MS. at before.
201. Begot on Caledoo|«n bills: that is, the hills of
Scotland, 'where the rivfr fprlngs Farnaby the yonnger.
^•2. Tweedand all the other aboTe mentioned rivers are
fftrooas for falmon, There is plenty of them alfo in the
Severn. ThoAs in the Thames are but few, but far excell
all others in their flavonr. Mofes Browne.
204. The Severn is the fecond river in England: It has
a pf^odigioos long courfe. It rifes near Plinlimmon-hill in
Montgoaieryihire, rnns fifty miles in that conoty, and re-
ceives above thirty rivers into its channel, rro(n the
mountains in Wales, before it enters Sbropfliire. It falls
into the Severn fea, or Briftol channel, along with the
Avon. Brookeiius. '
334 The ART or
From Pegafui to fober feafe defcend.
And title me io honeft profe your frieod.
Your genius and your fport have won my hearty
In happy hour we meet, in fad we part.
I. I love tke man who angles and who rhymes.
With mine, my friend, your pleafing humour
chimes. 2i6
« Honour my roof, my frugal viand (hare.
Till time recal you to your natal air*
N Come ; for the woodman's jaded arm gives o'er
His founding (leel and echo mocks no more* 220
The (harp clear (ky and ffif ning clod fore(hew
Another ftlnging night i itsir (|ream, adien :
E're long our fporting vifit we'll renew^.
211. Pe^afas is t wioged horfe^ kept by Apollo, oa
moniK pArnalTus, and let out by his godihip to the poets*
He IS a fteed of metile» aad will carry a ikilfal rider very
faielyl But he has a dogged facalry oricicktng and plang*
ing when he has g'lt a ounce upon his back, neither will
be leave till he has nnhorfed my gentleman, and broken
bis necki perhaps, into the bargain. Farnaby the yonnger*
r I N I s.
A N
INTRODUCTION
T O T H E
A R T
OF
L Y I N ' G.
Laid down by infallible RuL£S^ and cxerapli»
fied in various Instances^ applicable to
Practice.
BEING
\
A W©iK utiivcrfally^ ufcful and crtertaining to all
Peribnv, in all Degrees and Stations of Lif£| of
what Oenomination foever*
Wrote originally in High-German; and now' firft tranflated
intoEnglifh.
♦f t ^^►♦^►♦♦^'♦♦♦♦♦♦Hh^ ♦♦ |»^4'4l»<H^|i<H#^#
I
J ,
T O
F A M E.
MOST noble, illujlrious, sixid generous Pa-^
tronefsi I do here^ in an humble manner^
proftrate myfelf at your feet^ as a fuppliant> for
your favour and prote<ftion. To whom clft could
X more properly apply? for on you alone de-
pends the fate of millions. With a breath you
can kin or fare whole armief> fleets, nay coun-
tries • and upon your fmiles, even kings and be*
ro^j" live here, and after death. In a word, if it
be -your good pleafure, even the knave and
coivard (hall rife like meteors, and bla^e through
all oppofition of fa<f^ion and calumny.
Gracious Patronefs ! be pleafed to call your
eye downward on your votary ; 'fave me from
the fury of Ji ate/men, friejis, and critics, but
xnore particularly, if it be thy ^ood pleafure^
from Methodijisy becaufe I have been an iroita*
tor of tbem, as far as is in my power, in order
to teach the Art of Lying by method. As to
other enemies, I fhall give myfelf no coqcera
about them, but ufe the Italian proverb, Pray
God defend me from my friends, for PU take
care to defend myfelf from vay enemies.
Be this, O Patronefs ! thy care, to fave me
from the cenfure of my friends; and I fhall ia
duty be ever .bound to acknowledge thy good*
nefs and proteAion ; I fhall then rife above en*
vy, and the fear of lofiog you even after death*
Gracious Patronefs, accept thefe prayers fr«m.
Tour mo ft devoted Servant,
^^^^■""'P'
PREFACE.
Kind Reader,
IT was with fome difficnlty I have been pre.
vailed upon by my friends to enter upon the
fubje<5l before you. I am confcioos there are
many better capacitated for this taik than my*
feify and from whom, I muft own, I have re-
ceived feveral ufeful hints, as t^cy occur in the
courfe of this work, efpecially from my good
friends Mr S. H. Mr T. C. Mr G. W, and fe-
veral others, to whom I acknowledge myfclf
greatly indebted. It will be needlefs to fay any
thing of the merit or ufefulnefs of this little
tracfl, becaufe it is intended only as a prepara-
tory introduction^ to a very large field of inflnic-
tive knowledge, to no lefs than the compiling a
diiflionary, which will fcarce be contained in
two volumes in folio i I call it a di<5lionary, be«
caufe it will contain the whole circle of the Art
of Lying ; it will be a DiHionary of Didionaries,
of which this little epitome bofore you is no
more in companion to it, for learning and mat*
ter, than one drop of* water is to the whole o-
cean. I have introduced it here only as a faint
fpeciroen of a part of it, and only as a headpiece
to a propofal which you will find annexed to the
end of this diflertation. I have undertaken this
talk on this motive, the good of my country on-
ly, without any views of intereft or profit to my-
felf ; and though I have exemplified the feW^^^
Rules in this differtation, I will here, in fpite
•f royfelf, fpeak truth, and fay, lam.
Kind Reader,'
, Your moji bumhle ServaiH.
AN
INTRODUCTION
T O T H E
A R T
OF
L Y I N GV
Courteous Reader,
LY I N G, we jfiwd, though not the art of it^
has been pradlifed in all ages, and by all
degrees of people. All hiftory, facred and pro-
fane, are telli monies of its pra<flice and antiqui-
ty.: but, however, even in its primitive fiate, as
well as at this hour, though every nian has been
guilty of it, no one will own himfelf to be a liar,
tvery ooe would have you believe what he at
iepts to be a truth ^ It miid be owned that truth
and falfliood in many cafes have a very near re-
femblance ; it is the art of difguifing falfhood, C(P
as to appear like truth or probability, that is the
fubjec't before me-i— a fubje^ too that all mankind
arc interefted iu, as all degrees of men, from the
prince to the peafant, have, in Ibme mcafure, and
do Rill daily pracflife it. it has olten been mat-
ter of wonder to me, that a fcience fo much in
praiftice has not been reduced to dated rules ; ^
for want of which men fometimes run fuch un-
accountable lengths, that they give thewvCy^NTA
tlie Jie; whereas^ if the ruVes \v\\\c\YY^'2i^^.'^^^^*
*- "W"
34# INTRODUCTION to
after lay down were known by them, I will ven-
ture to fay they might (b difguile falfhood by
method^ tliat the niceft judge or critic of truth
or probability fhould not diftinguifli it. I muft
frankly own, that Shakefpeare fird endeavoured
to reduce this (cience to rules ; but as they are
fo few and reftric^ed, I have not attempted to
introduce them into this work. A work which
I forefee, as it is Co univerfally ufeful^ will be
univerfally pracfliled and encouraged ; and I
think' myfelf happy in living in this age^ where
rules are fb eflentially neceflary to be underftood
in the praAice of lying.
As there are ah infinite number of little bran-
ches in this fcience to be enumerated^ I Hull
proceed methodically^ in' order for their better
explanation ; and that they may be more readi-
ly underftoodi I (hall make an example to each
rule^ for the benefit of the reader. But before
J enter upon the nijes, I think it necedry to
fliew how advantageoufly ufeful they will he to
all degrees of men.^-'Kings, hi their folemn trea*
ties with each other, will not, ih commoa fame,
when they break thole treaties, be deemed liars.
Minijiers of Jtate, thougk they may have miiled
their mafter, or the people, by thefe rules will
be acquitted from cenfure. Courtierj, by thefe
rules, may lafely promife, and never perform
thofe promifes, and yet be deemed honourable
and true men. Generals may deceive their ma-
tters in the reports of brave exploits, or their
lofles, by thefe rules, and yet fland fair in the
eye of calumny and detraction. The pious bi»
/hop may fwear by his honour and his priefthood,
may fow divifion in his diocefe, may^ rack the
people's confcicnces, or their grounds, for tithes;
Thb ART OF LYING. 341
aTid yet, by th^fe rtiles, he fliall fo condudi him^
felf, as to be accounted holy. . The lawyer,
though he fhould defraud you of an eftate by
feeming guile, bring falfe adlions or falfe wic?-
neCs, fhalj, by tjiefe infallible rules, fcem imma-
cuhte and fpotleft. The merchant and the mr*
ehiitiic fhall artfully conceal the deiFecfts of their
goodst nay openly expofe them to fale, with all
their damages toTiew, y^t^ by- tbefe rules; no '
one fhall have it in his power to cxniiradiA him",
or to fay it is untrue* C^r men; porters, hackney--
meny &c. fhall take of you more than is their
lawful due, and yet, by thefe rules, they fhall
be acquitted from all cenfure of impofition. Ia
a'word, the very bej^gar who afks an alms, who
binds up his found limb, patches his eye up, and
tells you thefe he Ibft in the fervice of his coun-
ti*y, fliall, by thefe rules^ at niglu unbind his leg
and pull his patch off, and yet oe deemed no '
hypocrite*
It will here be necefTary to explain the terms
vre fhall hereafter be obliged to ufe in the comrfe
of this work, for the better underdanding the
nature and end of our defijgn. And firfl, 1 fhall
obferve to you, that falfhood, which is vulgarly
called lying, is the reverfe of truth. Truth is ma-
thematical demonllrationj for inflance, the 47th
book of theifl propofition of Euclid, That the
fquare of the hypotheneufe of a rexftangled tri-
angle, is equal tothe fquare of thebafe and perpen-
dicular added together, is a demonflrated truth «
To fay the (quare of one ^f thofe fides is equal
ty the fquare of the' hypotheneufe and the other
fide added together^ is falfe: Upon this bafis
truth and falfhood ar« difliugaKhed, ^xv^ >>cw^
nearer the approach is to eac\\ o\N\^t^ ^^ tcsqx'c c
340 INTRO DUCTIO N T#
difficult it is to coinpcehend tbem, without the
ufe of thefe rules.
Truth may be fo dt^uis'd^ that it may ap;
pear to be falfe to a common underftanding-
For example, the wtfdora of our miniftry is ve
ry confpicuous to every judicious eye ; but the
Yulgar think it otherwife, for want only of a
knowledge in thefe rules.
On the contrary, faldiood may be veiled like
truth 3 A.S for jnftance, the great exploits of oar
army in Flanders this fummer are well known
thr«nghottt Europe; and yet the vulgar^ far
want of thefe rules, are bold enough to cenfurc
their cpnduA.
It is upon this nice diftin^ion between^ truth
and Cilfliood that thefe rules are founded. Pro-
bable and improbable, pofCble and impoffible,
have the fame rules, are built upon the fame
principles, and have the fame. ratio of tendency
to, or (eparatton from each other. From hence
we may obferve, all approaches to truth, the
nearer they feem ally'd to each other, the more
fafe and methodically perfedl will falfhood ap-
pear by rules; and the wider you extend poiBble
and impoflible, the greater will be the flcill re-
quired to difguife them. For example, it may
be aflerted that it is impoflible for a great rich
man to accept a ^^/^y/o/f, or a briber now, ia the
eye of the vulgar, this is feemingly £> ; but on
the other hand, if it be pofCble, it may al(b be
>true, and by thefe rules is fb to a demonftrati-
ofkf that they do refuie it.
Probable and improbable are the middle flatj-
on, and are under the fame rules and methods
with the former; and in order to give you an
example alfb of this uvce coYk\x^&!v>Ti)\\SL\3& ^we
The art or L Y I N G, _ 343
you their progreiGon n9> they are generated,
from poffible to probable, to truth and the con*
trary ; from falffaood dov^^n to improbable, to im-
poflible, and thence to the vulgar term the lie.
The poffible is the oext degree to probable,
that is, a fuppofition that it may be: For exam*
pie, fuppofe for inftance, that you (hould fay a
courtier may be difhonefl:, we may rife upward
and (ay it is poilible he may be fb-- It is proba*
ble he ma y ■ ■ And you may carry it fo as far as
Xo (ky he is diflioneft* But our rules will fet the
courtier in another light ; I (ay be is honed, fpr
it is improbable he ihould be difhonefl : and fo
downward to the lie diredi. .
-This rule I call the rule of rstation ; it is the
principal and inoft ufeful in heightening or de-
preciating characfters; aud as I proceed I fhall
fliow you to whom in particular each rule will be
immediately ufeful.-— «— This will be ufeful to a
prim^'tninijler in order to take in, or turn out
any perfon in place. It will be ufeful to the
€lergy^ in order to rife in dignities and prefer-
ments. It will be ufeful in the armyy in order
to fink the hero^ or raife a coward. It will be
of great ufe to your j^xnior-counfel at the Old
Bailey. In fhort, this is a rule which all the
fair jex in general fhould have printed in gold
letters, an^ learn by heart, to be ready at a
moment's warning to pull down half a dozen
prudes, or demolifh a dozen coquets. Thisrule
will be of fingular ufe to writers of lives and
memoirs ; the man that died a damn'd villain
or hypocrite may, by this rule, live on paper a
very honefl, virtuous, good man. In fhort,
though this is a rule fo ujQiverfally ufeful> ^^
S44 • INTRO DUC TION't©
but a fubfervient one to what you will find in
the courle of this woik.
I have dwelt the longer on it, to incQlcatc |
the feeds of it inore ftrongly on^ your imagina-
tion; and indeed, it fhould be learned by heart
as a numeration table, or tl>e gamut in mufic.
For by this rule many a courtier^ and fome other
perfbns too, have infenfibly rofe unto dignity
and honour. The nicely thro^ving a veil «f
this kind, is' like an ing^Hiious painter, that can
deceive not only men, but the very animal crea-
tion with their art.
I remember a ftory of a felon ^ who- on his
trial had an accomplice in his villainy to be an
evidence againft him : Afrer a long examination,
the evidence honeftly lays 4iis hand upon his
brea(l, and told the court that he had confulced
ieveral learned divines, and- eminent lawyers^
about the evidence he was to give, and that he
found his confcience • would not permit him to
give any at all. In (hort, the court had the
happinefs to be acquainted with this rule of
rotatioiZy and honourably difcharged the felon.
Now, reader, by this example, you fee of what
fingular ufe a knowledge. of ihefe rules are.
The next rule is the "ambiguous: But before
I explain that rule I fhall fet an^ex^mple to
fight, as atrial of it — Suppofe it was afiTerted
that oMv fletts dit fea have received mere damage
by ftorms than the enemy this fummer, and
that they have reaped iid vantage : Now oMerve;
you may prove our fleet has gained a confidera*
ble advantage to their country. As to the .
damages by ftorms, they are trifling, and it was
a common lot to the reft of mankind^ • and So tbec
eaemy as well as iVveuvfclves \ \i\xv q^tl \>si^ ^\.Vv^x
The art «r L T I N G, 345
hand, thejr have preferved hb majcfly^s (hips
and fubjc^s iafe from the enemy ; they have
not wafted their ammunition nor warlile ftores;
they have frightened the enemy without the
lofs of men; then they have taught their men
navigation, fpent a good deal of provi/ions and
money, all for the good of the people. Thefe
are plain and obvious to every capacity who un»
derftands my rules: Wherea^s the ignorant and
the vulgar are bold enough to fay, they had not
orders to fight J that they were bribed; that the
fault was in the people at the helm of ft ate ;
that we are the dupes and tools of Europe, and
a thoufand fuch idle ftories ; and all this is
owing to a want of knowledge in this ambiguous
rule.
This golden rule I recommend to all perfbns
who have any poll under the government, from
the chancellor of the exchequer, down to the
fweeper of St Jameses court; all oiEcers in the
excife, cuftom-houfe, treafury, vidlualling, ftamp-
of&ce, &c. from the commiflioners down to the
pbrter at the door ; to all honourable generals,
down to tlae inferior officers, even to the drum-
head : In (hort, to all who are, or intend to be
dependent on the court — Let them get this rule
by heart* This rule I al(b recommend to all
jjerfbns any way dtfafte«5led to the miniftry ; to
all bawling patriots, and the honourable inde*
pendents of the city and libet:ty of Weftminfter.
It is of Angular ufe to party news- writers; to-
day they may kill 20;000 men in Flanders, and
to-morrow fay it wants confirmation, in (hort,
I recommend it as dodtor IVard^s pill, as an uni-
verfal nojirum for every pcrfbn and thing, even
to the curing of a fmoaky chimicvt'j*
'^'Q^Ntt
J4^ I N T R O D U C T I O N TO
Now the rule is exceeding ea(y in itfelf tote
retained in the memory; the re:ider is only to
obferye the degrees he is to fink down or mouiit
up, in order to accomplifh his defigns; and bt?re
I am to inform him to keep the prubable on
both fides full in vie-v ; except, only, if the acli.
on lye out of Eur ^,itheti he may ftreich it to
the improbable ; ahd here you are to obferve one
thing, all public tran factions are never to go be-
low the im probable ,|^or above the poffible; they
are to be an eqiiip)ife to each other, like the
panniers of a country baker, hanging dangling
on each fide his horfe. But on the oxber h^ind,
if you are to raife the fubjecl, you may go from
irapollible up to truth : pray obferve that diflinc-.
tion, between the finking and the rifing of the
|hbje<5l, I have known a perlbii made a lord,
that was as great a knave and patriot as his
country produced, only by being acquainted
with thi? principles of this ambiguous rule.
The next rule, courteous reader, I call tKe
inconceivable, becaufe it is founded upon a /ha^
dowv bafis; yet perhaps you Have no rul^ more
necefl^ry to be underftood. This rule was
founded in Niibibus (I aflk pardon for the exprefli-
on, it was only to give you 'a fpecimen of my
learning) ; it means being in the-cloads. Now, rea-
der, this rule is to make matter out of nothing;
obferve that well. You are to join the probable
and poffible together. Now, for example, fup-
pofe you (hould fay that a certain great man,
who was fo long in public employment, and rob-
bed and plundered the people of thoufands, hav-
ing feriouQy weighed and confidered his evil
deeds, has made a will and bec^ueathed all his
Ths art of lying. j47
ill-got \yealth to the. poor, lo atone for his
crimes.- -
Firft, it is poffible fuch a thing may be : If
poffible, why not probable f And while he is
living, no one can difprove it. This is raifing
tlie charaifter. On the other fide^ the vulgar,
for want ot conceiving this inconceivable rule,
will reafbn thus: His avaricioufnefs, pride, and
vices, reign in him as much as ever: that he has
no more charity or hopefty in him than P r
I V s: In fhort, they may as wf 11 fay that
Chartres was a villain, or Jonathan WiU : And
all this is ovving to nothing more than the want
of a knowledge of this inconceivable rule.
And as this^ule is more difficult to be compre-
hended at firft view, than foiiie otliers, I niufl:
beg leave to illuftrate it by another example:
Suppofe a perfon unacquainted with tliefe rules,
fhould report the times are in general very pret
fing upon the trading part of mankind ; that
trade atid money are very fcarce ; that public
credit and taxes run high ; that honour, and
honefty, and truth, &c. have forfooTc us: furely
fuch an one cannot be well acquainted with this
rule. It is eafy to turn the tables upon fuch a
novice, and fay. Sir, I have, it from good autho.
'rity that your fur mile is ground lefs, that for the
enfuing y^ar, 1745, ^^^ ^^"^ ^^^ ^'^^ ^^ entirely
taken off; that the public debts of the nation
will be greatly dim iiviflied by his majefty's voIun«
tary donation of thirty millions fterling, the pro-
duce, and favings of Hanover^ for the good of his
loving and faithful fubjec5ls of Great Britain ; that
. in order to encourage trade and commerce, a
fafe and honourable peace is on the tapis, and
ihortly will beVoncluded throu^VvowtTLxxxo*^^^
34t INTRODUCTION t»
oar intcreft and advantage ; and let me adJ
thiy, the great plenty of money now circolat
in trade^ even to a demonllration. Thefe tliii
are fadts, which none hat the vulgar and
who are unacquainted with t>ur inconceii
rule can be ignorant of.
I remember to have heard a (lory oF a fellotj
who ufed to report among his companions, thi
at Richmond in Sarry^ at a certain houfci kl
had, by the (trength of hit voice only in iingingi
frequently broke the glafs of the window»^Itl
happened an acquaintance of his was prefent oncel
at his aflTerting the thing, and to whom he ap>l
pealed for the truth of his aflertion :ireplled{
he very gravely, No, Sir, I do not remember yoiii|
breaking the windows i^ 1 would not tell a lie
upon any account whatever for you nor no one
elfe; but as the truth (hould be told, without
favour or affecflion to party, I muft confefs,
when the door and windows of that room have
been clofe (hut, the ftrength of your voice has
funk the floor, and raifed the ceiling over our
heads, above a foot from its place, for want of
room to expand. This (lory I rank in the num-
ber of the inconceivables, though perhaps critics
may place it in the ambiguous rule.
I muft recommend this inconceivable rule to
the lower clafs of people, to Andy ferioufly.
The keen fox-hunter would do well to apply
this rule to pracflife, when he tells you that he
unkenneled a fox that had a bru(h fix yards
long. The grave angler will (ind it ufeful to
explain the weight of his pike or falmon, which
'he caught and landed with a (ingle hair^ upon a
fteep bank, fourteen •feet higher than the fur-
face of the river ; and the (im^le ^rieft, that
I The A)11T tt^IilSINOr : 349
^oQld not explairi tia hit attclf^Ti^e^tbcf miracle of ,
^feeding, the iiye«ithoiil«fid M^iel|.£ve loaves and {
^wo fmall fi(hety but only by» faying! every ioaf ^
ijjivas as ^ig a«^ a mountain, might, by thi&incon- *
gCeiveablc rulCy hayedeDionftrated. it beyond ex-
ception In a word, reader, I hearttly recom-
jinend it to yoarferioas^nd deliberate coniidera- -
^tU»n, . :,•..:-•. . . • ' ■ ii / . ■ .
g My next general rale is the Recitative .• A rule
of (ingiilar ufe«tq aa unfi^ttiJLeitnvesitioa'; it re-
quires no great'fliili to become raafbir of it^ -and
extends only to the. marvelous. : It is of \greac
ufe to coffee.- houfe }:iolitici ah s, arid news-.tnongera
in general, atid chiefly idepei^s, upon t numera-
tion : it is indeed a fort ot branch' to the ambf-r
gnoiis. . i have kuovi^n it pracliftd ivitli fiiccefe \
by a friend of mine -frequently, ivh6 has Jaugh**'
ed, aJid bee q, heartily laughed at^ for the iruit-
fulhefs of his imagination. If you. tell a-ft6ry
ivipich happened in one county, he immediately '
repeat3 the fame, with a trifling variation^ that
happened in another* If ^yqu carry it to' the;
j^QjQ&ble, he ^Ktenda it ^6 the probable ;> if yoa
fink it t« the. improbable, he blowers it to the,
impoflible ; in- fliort it is. the .art of* refining epi-
t(inii£ed'* Example : One iaid he faw a pike ia
a fmall pond in Kent, yvejgbing 40 pounds^iai^d
that one of 30 pounds was taken yv hole out of,
its belly. My friend iin mediately replied. That
was jnothii>g ; i he. had fee » in VViltihire one of' .
59 pbiinds weighty and a^pike of 40 pounds ta-'
ken out of its belly ; and not only that, fays he,,
but andtber entire^ pike was taken 'out of the
lielly of it,,.wlucb weighed aj pounds, and a
half. This was between the probable and' poC-
ftble. ^ .
3S«- INtT/WOriiltCTBaNr'ttt
plied, it^M ttrmng9f hQty€t:hehmdihemt)d:€Mtm'
thttig befood^tlMt I be Irad » fikiicHvf hiMlim hm^
t1iaaif»toii(birr^ who' ftopped a« a lictle poU»-'
hottie^ snd called for a* bottle of ^alD;; it wao^fir
oa tbe tabfo) and, beiag ^pe, forcedont thecorlr,
whtdt weot tbfoitgb thm- oeiliog^ and roaf of i ibr
faoafc, and hit a finall bird that was that inftaoa^
Sfiag along ;. the Bird' dropped ffftpmndicnhULj
down into the bottl% tbtr cork 'feH o are d '■ pdnmp '
into the neck aeain, flapped the battle^ and
draamed' the bird. My fmnd very gravely re*
plied, That was ootkiog^; fbrhehad bea»d fai*
father fay, tliac, by foch an accident .in Wik*
fbirtf he caaght a covey of partfidgca^ o6rtiifr«
tflg^of ^ight -brace aad a half of birds, and at
ana Uow^ with, this addition. only, that it waa a
tWD^marc bottle they fett intOi The tnan^find*
injfihsmfclf ftilicopiedy he faya^ Pray> ^^9 did
you bear my Lnrd Such^a ona was going to turn
otf his v«boees^ and cohabit wivfa Us wifir again ?
Ita^ favs.' my friend^ and witk tiiia lamarfcable
circamftance too^, that be inteiNla ca pay aR bit
tradefinen's biUs^ and reftbr4r theaftate again to
Mr 8ach«a«oae} wfaom be had cbeatol of it.
The Mntlentan. being ont of aH pattance^ cries
oQt> fba^^ damned tie^ and patted abt^ptfy
(itota hifn.
Thtspol^ of R€9kifi$ive istewtievteiy D(a||it^4br
ibaI)o>^ memories ; the path yen are to tirtkm in-
Itet fl%'a9gbt before yon, witii tbin^ obfiwraii|»»,.
always let another finiii bis ftovy htimm^fm^
M$ this rale 19 cWefly far tbe lower ttift^.l Ai|l
recommend it^ net aa^ a/t^/Mf^ but an a/ifitt
It would almoft be iffki^ to |bre yon tmm^
This ART €«r LYING. 351
pies of tlie foregoing kind, or td lay down any
rnore general fulcs in thb place, becaufe this is
intended only as an Introdu^ion to a Gefierat
DiSionary I am now preparing for tiic prcfi,
containing the whole circle of ihc art. You will,
in my preface, find the u£e of this diilertation,
as to the intended defign of the Dictionary
or Dictionaries. It will be here impoflible
to enumerate the ufes and advantages which
you will find contained in it ; but as the under-
taking will be very great, confiUing of two vo-
lames in folio, I have pubrifhed this Introd.udion
as a fpecimen of the work, and the manner and
nature of the fubje<A treated on.
w
- J
Ars Pun-ica, five Flos Limguarvm;
A R T
OF
P U N N I N G;
O R T HE
Flower of Languages:
In Thirty-Four Rule^*
VOR THE
FARTHER IMPROVEMENT
OF
CONVERSATION,
AND
Help of Memory.
rt«MalM*aaaBaiw«MMaM»HaB*MB«i*
By the.Labonr and Induftry of ToM Pun-sibi •
mtmmm ^mm^it»^mmi
£z ambi|;uo di^a, vel argutiftoia putaotur ; fed Bon &mper
in joco, fstpc etiam in gravitate verfaiitur««'<*»«fDgefiiofi
cnim videtur vim verbi, in aliud atc^ae ccbtjcxv ^fL^v^^an^ «%
y . A
: A
.< .. J.
i) -
TOT H %
RIGHT HONOURABLE
Sir John Scrub, Bart, and Merchant,
This D£DiCATio|f is humbly prefeoted bjr
the Author.
^TT'OUR honour's charaAer is too well known
X in the world to (land in need of a dedica*
tlon I but 1 can tell you that my fortune is not fb
well fettled but I (land in 'need of a pair%n.
And tfaerefbre, (ince 1 am to write a dedication,
I muft for decency proceed in the ufual method.
Firft then I proclaim to the world your high
and illudrious birth : That you Are by the fa-
ther's (ide defcended from the mod antifnt and
celebrated family of Rome the Cafcoj ; by the
mother's from Earl Piercy* Some, indeed have
fceeit fb malicious as to fay, your grandmo-
ther ^i/W-A^r-im ; but I think^ if the authors of
the report were found out, they ought to be
hampered. I will allow that the world exclaims
defrrvedly againd your mother, becau(e (he is
no friend to the bottle ; otherwife they would
deferve a firkin, as having no grounds for what
they fay. However 1 do not think it can fully
your fine and bright reputation : for the credit
yon gained at the battle of Hog/head, againfl the -
Duke of Burgundy J who felt no Sbampain,
when you forced him to (ink beneath your
power, and gave his whole army a bru(h, may
m time 'urn to your account ; for to my know-
ledge, It put his highnefs much upon the fret^
This iudttd was no le& racking \o ^^ Vv^^^v*^
DEDICATION.
inaHer, wbo fpan j biraiicff groflee miftaken in
ciiH)hifigi« STawtar .- far ^€fwb»4e ^w-arld allowed
that you brought him a peg lovyer, ty giving
him the :fmrting bloWft^n^. tp^kyvjg, jiU hi« rggutt
in buckram to fun Xoeirj ttnetfii^n ybiw ^eat
a-gHlity^ ihongh you are .paft your primage;
^ild ttttiy 90^ iiet'^ 4aJkngi^f Jitlili^^i jl^mini
wit^ and brijk klMif^llMicmv May vour houoar
alio ivear long, beyond the common Jcan^tling
of fku|i»j^ ii^/ and -cen^amlfy rfii^cBwcl in yaux
VaoCi^ai diveri4en9 ^f pipe aiic) fyshb^t, burning
Mri^ lUrrhrh ^^^ '^^^<^ t«ay i^^^ur ^leod ho-
aa^ur, in h/mg I arnffikem toUM l»«««r>&e4oft,
rtA thej^y o{ M tbofe tlia4.d(inl( :fM|r ^ Jlir Ibr
Actbhing^ and >fped^Uy oi^
Y<mr ni^ft hmxffe^ S«rvwt,
T OM J^U J4.SIBI.
I
f
JPfom
♦ fit r. •
r ' . .
» r 357 .3
\
From my mucK Honoured Friend
at Heldelville, -
HAIL to th€ fage, who from his native ftore
Produe'd a fcit nce,^nev€r known before :
Science of words^ once jargon of the fchools,
The plague of wife men, and the boaft of fopls^
Made eafy now and ufeful in your rtiles.
Where wit and humour equally combine '
Our mirth at once to raife and to refine ; *
Till now not half the worth of founds we knew^
Their virtual value was refer vM for you
To trace their various mazes, and fet forth
Their hidden force, and multiply their worth ;
for if t'cxprefs one fenle our words we chufe^*
A double ipeaning is of dou\i)le ufe.
Hail facred art! by what myfterious name
Shall I adore thee, various, and the fame* .'
The Mufes Proteus, ikill'd with graceful change^ •
Thro' all the pleafing foryns of wit to range
In quick fucceffion, yet retain thro' all
Some faint refemblance of th' original*
, Hail faired offspring ©f prodigious birth I
At once the parent. and ^he child of mirth.
With Cloe's charms thy airy form can vie,
And with thy finiles as many thoufands die ;
The pleafing. pain thro' all their vitals thrills^
With fabtile force, and tickles as it kills.
Thee too, lyce her, the dying fwains purfue, *
•^^ g^y> A^ carelef^, as inconftant too ; . «
To raife yet more thy ni^rit and thy fame,
The 'Cyprian goddefs glories in thy natne,
PleaVd to be tl)oug|^t t^he laughter loving dame.
Mor lefs thy praife, aor lefs thy pow'r to wound, v .
1 hou lovely^ fleeting inia^i^ of ^ foxxw^^
i
^Tla^Chfiginal of Punning, from Pfeto^
Symjpofiacs, by^iic Author.
ONCE on a tinie, in tneiry mood,
Jf#\'C made a pun t^f fiefli and tflood ;
A dovtbie two-fac'd Irvftig ci'^atore,
^ndrogynos^ of tn'o->fold Dartm-e.
JPor bacic loback-^whh fm%\e fkin,
He bolEimi the male, and I'eniate-in ; '
So muich alHce, Co near the fame, <
s'^I%ey ttucic as dofiriy as theit- name.
Wbaiever words the tndle expreft,
The ^nrale turned them to a fc^ff-;
Whatever woiSls tb« female fpokt/ '
Ttie "niale conipei'ted to a joke : •' *
So in this form oFmaii and wtife^
They led ^ •merry putming life.
The jgods from beary^n tlel^end to^earAi^
iQrawn d^own by their afHaring mh^h^i
So i«!l they fcemM to iike ihe fport, : ^
Jove cou'd not get them hack to -court.
Th' infernal- gods afcend as well,
Dra^n up by magic puns frdrn fc^SlI.
Jadgcs and furfes quit their poft,
And DOC a 'foul to tmnd a ghoft.
- 'V Hey day/' fays Jove I fays Pluto t<io, < j
M 1 think the dcv^is here to do; ^ ^ir,
* Here*8lieUtex)ke loofe, andbeav^n'sqiiitcieifij^* ./
' Wefearce have left one god 'in twenty. \
* Pray what has fet thcwi all a ninni»g?^ *
• ** Dear brotl^er, notlring eMe but puHfting.
y BehoM that doable -crea tore ybivder,
L<'l>^)ij^t8thertvwith a dodble entendre.'*
\* Odd'afiHi/'^iya PItito, *<-where^s your rhnirder,
^%f^t drivr, atitd fplk^A^AWa^^Buctder.*'
*' That'sright,'' qiiolb Jovcj witb that h^ threw
A bolt, Mfd fyi^u i» iiMfo^ »wo«
And when the thing was IpHt in twaiii^
Why then it^tt««*d aM^fMkh again.
'Tis thuslhe dfaiitondv we nrfine^
The mofte we cu$ tile more tlieyfliMMDrr
And ever fince yoOrm^iKof? w^tf.
Until they'he i^«/, can*t'^>*. « bft.
$o take a ftarling' w4iWi*il6<}'oi]iig|
And down the middle /lit t^ thngiK?,
With groat 6r fixpence, 'tis^ nn miiKef^
You'll find thehird wiH dcMibly chatter.
** Upon the whole. Sent Pluto yon know,
* 'Tis well I did not ffilic my Jbno t
* For bad I done't/whetit'er flie^'fMld me,
' She'd make the heavens nie hot to h^d me/*
The goda' upon thb appllc^atletn^
RetnrnM each to hi9 h tbitat^oi^ ;,
Extremely pleased with this n^v jiAe^
Vyhe lieftxbey (Wore toe eVi^r>f^e. ^
«
Upon THE AUTHOR.
» ■
HAD I ten tbou(and moaths and tongaes.
Had T ten thoufand psiir qF lungs.
Ten thoufand fcuUs with brains to ihiolc^
Ten thoufand fl^ndifhes of jink, .
Ten thoufand handstand pens to write.
Thy praife Pd fludy day and nighc.
O may thy work for ever live I
(Dear Tom, a friendly fceal forgive,)
M:iy no vile mifcreant fawcy cook
Prefi^me to tear thy learned book.
To finge his, fowl for. nicer gueft,
Or pin it on the turkey's bread, ^ j
Keep it from, p^fty bak'd, or flyipg, :
From broiling flake and fritters frying,
From lighting pipe or making fnuif.
Or caiing up a feather muff:
PrcH^ all the feyeral ways the grocer
(Who to the learned world's, a foe, JSic) -
ifas found in twifting, folding, packing,
His brains and ours at oiice a-racking.
And may it never curl the head
Of either living block or dead.
Thus, when all dangers they have paft.
Your leaves like leaves of brafs (hall laft,
No blafl fhall fron^ a critic's breath.
By vile infecftion, caufe their death,
Till they in flames at laft expire,
A^d be^ to fet the world on fire.
/
A
S P E C I ME N.
A S P I G E I MEAN.
THE
PRE FA C E.
!Hac noi, ab imis Pun-icorum annalibus
!pf6lata, longo tempore edidimus tibi* . Fcft.
IVr xak^d >the a(bes of |ke dead, to fliow
. P«iz/iw«irc ia vogiie five, thou&nd years ;ago;
: : • : r : ... , .
- ■ • t ^ • . 1 .•■...-.;.•■,■■' .: . ■- •
THE giteat aod ^ngularadvantage&.of/^z/;;^;;^^
and ibcj luftre k giyes to conv^rftiUon, arc
xx>mmojiiy foilittle jknown in the world, . that
fczrcG t)iie<maii| of learning in fifty,, to .tbelr Chains
-be it fppken,! appears; to hiave the kaft ;t|n4)Mre
^f itfin bisidUcditrfc. : Thi^J caO imp^^Cito no-
thing but that it hath not been fi^du^ed to a
fcieti^'e;;)aivl indeed Glcerp fe^n^ed long iago to
wi(h fon* ity as we oiay gather froBi his fecond
book; de'Oratore, page 115. where, he has this
^remaiikafale paflage^ Suavis autem^ejky ef vehem^fi"
Serfap&uiilis j ecus et facet ia cum ambiguitau^
in quihus tu Imge allis mea fententUy Cajar^ ex^
celliSj: quo jrmgis miki.etiam tetfiis €^0 potes, aut
^ullntn ejfe . ariem faiis, aut fi ^ua efi, earn nos
iu pottffimim dQcebis, ** Punning is ei^trcmel^
362 PREFACE.
* deligbtful^ and oftentimes very profitable, in
' which, as far as I can judge^ Caefar, you excel
' all maQkind ; for which reafon you xnay in«
^ form me whether there be any art of punninor ;
* or if there be, at>ove all things 1 befcech you
* to inftru<5l me in \iJ^ So much, was this great
man affeifled with the art, and fuch a noble idea
did he conceive of it, that he gave Caefar the
preference to all manjkind, Only on accoant of
that accomplifhmcnt.' ^
Let critics fay what they will, I will venture
to affiftm, th^t pwKmw^, of all arts and (ci^nces,
is the moft extraordinary ; foi* all others are cir-
cumfcribed by certain bounds, but this alone is
found to have no limits ;.becaufe to excel there-
in requires a moft extenfive knowledge of all
things. PLpunner muft be a man of the great,
eft natural abilities, and of the i>eft accomplifh-
ments : his wit muft be poignant « and fruitful,
his underftanding clear and diftindl, his imagi-
nation delicate and chearful ; he muft have an
extraordinary elevation of foul, far above all
mean and low conceptions ; and thefe muft be
fuftained with a vivacity fit to exprefs his^ ideas
\vith that grace and beauty, that ftrength and
iweeinefs, which becoine (entina^ents lb truly
noble and fublime^
L And now, left I Ihould be (ufpe<fled of ijnpo-
{ing upon my reader, I muft in treat him Co
confider how high Plato ba$ carried his fenti*
ments of this art (and Plato is allpw^d by all
men to have feen farther iiifo heaven than any
heathen, either before or fii^ce) ; does not he fay
pofitively in his Cratylus, focos et dii angunt .•
'* The gods ihenifelves lov^ punning/^ Which
f am apt 'to believe froito Homer's unextinguijh*
P R E P A e E. J63
id laughter ; b^caufe there is no other motive
could caufe fuch continued tnerrifnent among
the gods.
As 10 the antiquity of this art, Buxtorf proves ,
it to be very early among the Ghaldaeans, which
(any one may fee at large, who will read w;hat
he fays upon the word />2^«r Vocula^ efl ChaU
4^is jamiliarijjitna^ &c. ** It is a worJthat is
mod frequently in ufe among the Chaldeans^
who were fird inftruifted in the methods of
punning by their magi, and gained fuch re-
putation^ that Ptolomseus Philo-pun-neus fer^t
for fix of thofe learned priefts, to propagat-e
their dodlrine of puns in fix of his principal
cities^ which they did with fuch fuccefs, that
his majedy ordered, by public edidl^ to have a
full collection of all the puns ji^zde within his
dominions for three years paft % and this col«
ledtion filled, one large apartment' of his libra-
ry, having the following remarkable infcrip-
lion oyer the door, l^he Jhap ef the fouPs phy-
fic^^ Vide jofeph.. Bengor. Chronic inedit.
George tlomedidse, Seriem Codoliae tradit.
Hebraic. Corpus paradofeon tit ulo Megill.
cap. I. fedt. 8. Chronic. Samarit. Abulphetachi, «
Mcgillat. Taanit.
Some authors (but upon what gr^ounds is un*
certain) will have Pan, who in the iEolick dia-
lect is called Pun, to be the author of puns ^ be^
caufe, fay they, Pan being the god of univerfal
nature, -and putining free^of all languages, it is
highly probable that it owes its fird origin, 9s
well as name, to this god. .Others again attri-
bute it to Janus; and for this reafon, Janus had
tiVQ faces ; and, of confequence, they conjecflu-
r^d every^word he fpoke had a double \Sifc%s\vcvs^
364 P » A t A CJ g.
But, howey^r, I give Uttle credit to tliefe op^
tiionS| which I aib apt to bHieve were broached
in the dark and fabulous ages of the world ; for
I dbubt^ before the firft Ol^^mpiad^ tber^ can be
no great dependence iipon profane hiftory.
I am tnuch more inclmed to give credit tD
Buxtorf ; nor is it improbable, th&t PjthagoraSi
who fpent tweniy-eighc years at Egypt ii^ bb
ftudies, broQght this arr^ together, with fbm'e
arcanas of philofophy^ into Greece ; tk« realbii
for which might be, that phildlbphy and pu^
fling were a mutual afliftance to each other :
" For,*' fays he, ** puns zrc like fp many tbrcU-
* lights in the head, that give the ibdl a. very
^ difthn^ view of thofe images Which (h^ before
' (eemed to grope after, as if (ht^ had b^h ini'
* prilbncfd in . ii dungfeon,*' iFrotn v^faetac^ he
looked upon puns, to be Xo lacred, and had (acb
a regard to them^ that he l^ft a precept to his
difciples, forbidditig them to ^t'bean^^ be^ata^e
they were called in Creek pufinoi. ■' Let ndt,^^
fays he, '* one grain of the feed ^ beaiis be' roftj
* but preferve and fcatter them over all Qreec^^
* that both our gardens »Hd otff fields nSay^ 6cMi«
' ri(h with a vegetable^ which, on "aceodnf^ of ifs
^ name, not oply brings an honouf to bar conn-
f try, but as it drfperfea its-effiuviA in the air, it
^ may a](b, by a fecret impulfe, prepare the foiil
' for />«««m^, Avhich I efteem the firft and great
« felicity of life.'* ' e
This art being fo very well recommended by
ib great a man, it wsfs not long before it ipread
through aH Greec^ and at lal^ was looked upoh
to be (uch k neceflary accompli(hn)ent, that no
perfbn ^as admitted to a fea(t who was noc
firft cxamined| and if he were found ignorant
PREFACE. 3<5
of punnhig, he was dirmifTed with, Hence ye pro-
If any one doubts the^ truth of what I fay, let
him confult the apophthegms of Plutarch, who,
after he had pailed feveral eneomiums upon this
art, -gives fome account of perfbns eminent in it.
Among which, to fhorten my preface, I chufe
one of the mod iUuflrious examples, and will
entertain the courteous reader .with the. follow^
ing ftory.
King Philip had his coU^-bone broken in ;i
battle, and his phyfician expecting money of
bim every vifit^ the king reproved, him with a
pun^ faying, He had the key in his owi^ handy.
For the word, in the original, figmfies both a key
and a collar-bone. V^ide Plat, apoph. page 177.
We have alfb feveral ^«j recorded in Dip-
genes Laertius's lives of the philoibphers, and
thofe made by tha wifeft and graved men among
.them; even by Diogffnes the Cynick, who, al-
though pretending to withftand the irrefiflible
charms of punning^ was curft with the name of
2iU abhorrer. Yet in fpight of all his ill-natuse
and affedlation (for he was a tub-preacher) he
made fo excellent a pun, thai Scaiiger (aid. He
would rather have beeh author of it than kii^
of Navarrev* The (lory is as follows.
Oidynvus (not Didymus the commentator up-
on Homer, but)/ a fansous rake.among.the ladies
at Athens, having taken in hand to cure a vir-
. gin's eye that was fore, had this cautioh $rivea
him by Diogenes,. **^ Take care you Jo not cor-
^ rupt^our pt^pilV The Greek word iigni^; i.g
both the pupil of the eye and a vir^im Vide
Laert.
There is a remarkable paffkgc in HeUovx-K^
36$ f It E FA C E.
Arbit<r^ wbicb 'plainly proves ^-» r^J^al ex^m^
pie, that funning was a neceflary mgrcdieiu to
make ab ent^rtatmtteilt-sigrijeabli. The words
are thefe, Tngerebat mhilhfminu^ ^rifnukiBilei'
tiffima vocSf cakPil^ • Ego fujpkatiif dd jalijudm
urtdHisaum, mtiis iteraum vocempe^tinerg, .nm
eruhui eum jui fuprn m6 accitmbeiai^ hoc ipfiim
inter rogarci jp itle qui fctpim ejujimdiitidm
fpeSaverat, tHdeJ, inquit, ilium qid obfotdum
carpt, carpus vacatur. liaque quotie/cinpie
dictt^cztpt, eodem verki ei voc^t ei pnperat.
And it h fbrther remarkable^, that every j^j of
his life he liiacle the fame pun'ski dinser and
fup|>er«
it \Voiild be eiiidtefs to produoe all the atrth6»
titles tbut might be • gathered fi^'Om. Oiodoms
SicUlQfty Flerodotut^ Prbconofius, Bergaetus, Dio-
nyilui Halicarnetlfis^ ^LycopiiroD) ^indar^ Apoi-
Ibnt^i!^ Menander^ ArifiopLines^ Gbiiitbos iCoos^
Monnii9^ X>emt>ftheties, Earipidesi ThBc;ydldes,
Plako^ Ariftotle^ &c. However> I believe it will
not be amifs to bring (bme fewteftintonies, to
fliew in what great efteem the art of'punmt^
waa amoog the mod refined wits at Rome^ and
that iw the mod polite dges^ as will appear from
thid feUoWing quotations.
i^iiitil. Inditut. Orator, li^. 6. p^ 26^. Urba^
nitdf cfi virtus quondam, in breve di^um, verum
fenfu duplici, coa^a, et apta ad deledandoj ha»'
mines, &c..
Thus trandated.
♦
Punning h a virtue, comprifed in a fhort ex*
predion, with a double meaning, and fitted to
delight the ladies^
Ex
P R £ F A G E. 367 ,
JEafr Lucretio.
^uo tnagis aurnum doTdiBis, diva, leporem.
Goddefs^ eternal puns on me beftow.
£t alibi.
Omnia enim lepidi m.%2is admirantur, amantque
Girmanii qucs fub verlis lenitantia cernunt ;
Verbaque conjiituunt fimili fucata fonore,
Nee Jimili fenfu^ fed qua tnentita placer enU
All men of mirth and fenfe admire and loYe
Tfaofe v(rord3 vvhicb like twin-brothers doubtfur
prove;
*When.the fame founds a different fenfe dilguif^^
In being deceived the greateft pleafure lies.
. £x Clandiano*
Vocihus alternant fenfu J, fraudi/que joe of it,
Vim dupiiceth rident, lacrymofaque gaudiamifcent.
From word to word th' ambiguous fenfe is playM^
Laughing fucceeds^ and joj^ft^l tears are fhed.
Ex Martiale.
Sit mibi, Cinna, comes, Jalibus didiifaue facetusp
^ui fapit ambiguos f under e ab ore fonos.
Cinna^ give me the man^ 'when all is done^
That wifely knows to crack a jeft, and pun.
...
Ex Petfonio. s
DiilSf fates f rifus, tir'bano ihfttndia vocum,
Ingenii facilis qua docurhenta daiunt.
Jokes, repartees^ and laugh, and /ii^#; polite^
Are the true teft to prove a man b right*
368 PREFACE.
///; efl imperium rifus, qui fraude Uporis .
Ambigua fallens, hurneros ^uatit ufque folutis
Nexwus, ac tremull trepidant curvamina dorfi^
Et jecur, et cordis fibras, ,ei pandit anhe las
Pulmonis latebras
He's king of mirth that flily cheats oar fenle,
With putt ambiguous, pleaHng in fufpenfe ;
The.ftioulders lax become, the bending back,
Upheav'd with laughter, makes our.jibs to cracky
liv'n to the liver he can joys impart/
And play upon the fibres of the heart -j
Open the chambers of the lungs, and there
Give longer life in laughing, than in air.
Sut to come nearer home, and our own times,
we know that France, in the Fate reign, was the
(eat of learning and policy ; aud what madeac
fo, but the gre^t encouragement the king gave '
punners above an^ other Aien : for it is too noto-
rious, to quote any author for it, that Lewis le
Grand gave a hundred pifloles for one (ingle puti'
motto f mil de upon an abbot, who died in a field^
hajgng a lilly growing out of^his a . ■ ■ .
Habe mortem pra octilis.
Abbe' mort en prez au culiz.
Nor was his bounty lefs to Moiifieiir deFcny
de Lageltre the painter, though the pun and
the pidlure turned againft himfclf ; who drew
his majefty (hooting, and., at fome didance from
him, another man aiming at the fame fowl, who
was withheld by a third per(()n^ pointing at the,
king with'thefe words fro ip his mouth:
JVi ^oyez vous: Ic roy^tiranU
PREFACE. 369
Having now^ from the beft autliorities, plainly
proved the antiquity and excellence of the arc
of punning^ nothing remains but to give fome
general directions us to the manner h^w this
fcience is to be taught.
I. Let the hiifband teach his wife to read it.
II. Let her be appointed to teach her chil-
dren.
III. Let the head fervant of the family in*
ftru<5l all the reft, and that every morning be-
fore the mafter and miftrefs are tip.
IV. The mafters and mifles are to repeat a
rule every day^ with the examples, and every
vifiting day be brought up to (hew the company
what fine memories they have.
V. They m'uft.go ten times through the book
before they be allowed to aim at a pun.
VI. They muft every day of their lives repeat
fix fynoaimous words, or words like in (bund^
before they be allowed to fit dgwn to dinner.
SuchaS| Ailent,. Afcent. Alter, Altar.
A lafi, Alas. A peer, Appear.
Bark, Barque. Barbary, Barberry.
They are to be all found in metre, inoft labo-
riouily compiled by the learned author of^thc
Englijh Schoolmajier, printed anna 1641. Lon-
don edition, page ^2.
VII. If any eldeft fon has not a capacity to
attain to this fcience, let him be difinherited as
tjon compQSf and the edate given to the next
hopeful child.
■V,
■ Si quid novifli reiiius ijlis,
Candidusimperti;finon,hisuteremecum, Hor.
If any man can better rules impart,
I'll give him leave to do't with all vxi'^ Vitt-^xx.
— , . : 1 i .' V ,
• ' 'v ' »
« ;
I i /
I
■» ^
' : .r 'iJ
.1:i .
.; «^.
k i
i
• ■
• 'f » » - .- »
j\
- » •
THE
A R" T
• ■«
O' F
• i
p;/u-.^isfrisr"^i^^N:"(3*
r ; . r
:i : .•■•-.' A. ff ,i:' i::::r
OR THE
Flower of Languages.
The Logical Definition p/ Punning. ' '
PUN NAT A dicuntur, id ipfum quod funtf
aliorunt effe dicuntur ^ aut alio quovis modo,
adaliudreferuntur. -. .
Puns^ in their v^ry; natqre and conftitution^
iave^a relation to fomething plfe,' or if they have!
oot, any other reafon ijohy y/iW ferye as well.
The Phyjical Definition o/P^unning, according to
Cardan. -
Punning is an art of harmonk>us jingling u-:
^n words, .which paffing^ in at tire ears, aad fall-
ihg upQm .t4ie-d»a|>hragnia^ excites a titiliary-fnoo
tion in thfifef part sy; and .this heinjg Conh^eyed by
Vhe aiiinial fpirits into the oaiifcles of the face^
raifes the cockles of the heart.
37i Th e a R T of
The Moral Defnithn of Punning.
PuNNiMG it a virtae that mofl: effe<5laally pro«l
motes the end of good fellowlhip^ which ii{
laughing.^
N. B. I defign to make the mod celebrated
Fanners in thefe kiegdoms exanmles to the
following rules.
jR.ule r« The ^apifyil Rule. He ^hat pum
^uft have a head for it. That is, Hejmuft be
M man of letters, of a fprlghtly and ^ne imagi- j
nation, whatever men may think of his judge* '
ment. Like Dr - — ->, who fatd, when a lad)
dbrew down his Cremona fiddle with a ftifk ol
her mantua,
Mantua v^ mifera nimium-vkina Cremona i
Or, if you would have a more obvious rea/boi 1
St I>enQis never made a fun after his^ head yfdA
cut off. Vide Popifh Leg. tmn. 78. p- 15000.
Kule 2. The Rule of Forehead. He mnft
have good ajfurance, like my Lord , whe
puns in all companies.
Rule. A Tfoe brazen Rule. He nauft have
ietter ajjur^nce^ like Brigadiei^ — — , wio faid,
^'That a^ he Was p^f&ng throu^ the ftreet, he
< made up to' a country fellow, who bad a hare
^ fwinging on a .ftick over his Oioul^er^ and gt«
^ ving it a (hake, a(ked hini, Whether it was
* his own hair or a periwig :^' whereas it is a
notorious Oxford jeft. - ■ r,-. -A t
' '- Rule 5. • The Rule of Impudence. He moft
have the bejl «j7i/;r««r^, like ^3I[^ --^-^ i wl;io aU
though i hati in three fair >coinfaKlls. nvdrfled
him^ yet be had the impudence: ^''challenge
me a fourth time«; i ' '.'- ' -.'^/^ .
RuU
PUNNING. 373
'Ktile 3. Any pierfon may pun atiotlier man's
^uns about half ao bour after he has made
^them, as Dr *-^— and Mt — — frequently do,
I remember one day I was in company with
them^ and npon Major ^^ -faying, '* That he
* would leave me ^be gout for a legacy \** I'
mafde «nfwer, and ttAA the company, " I fhould
* be ferry to hafiefiich ^legas'he.** They both
Tnapped it up in their turns, and had as much
applauffe^r'the fun as I had»
Rule 6. The Rule of Pun upon Pun. All
puns made; upon the word^tm, are tobe«(leem«
ed as (b much old gold. Ek. Gr.
Suppofe two famous punjlers, fhould contend
<fbr thduperiority, and a man ihould wittily faiy,
This is a Carthaginian war.
Queft. HoWy 8ir?
Anf. Why Sir, it is a Pun^ici war.
Rule 7* The Socratick Rule is 10 infti^iS
''Others by way of queftiod and anfwer.
Q. Who was the firft draweri
A. Rotifer*
^ Which is the feat of the fpleent
A- The Hipps.
Qj 'Who were the firft bdcersi
A. The CruftumetUans.
*Q. Where did the firft Hermopbr^dltes come
^rom?
A. Middle-fix.
Q. What part of England has the moft
*dogs ?
A. Barijhire*
Q^ From whence came the firft tnmUers?
A* From Somerfet.
^ Who were the firft mortgagers of land ?
A. The people of Cumberland.
374 Th E A R .T ;c f
^ What men in the world are Che.bcA A»l-
diers?
A. Your red liwM snen ^ . becaufe . ih^y. al-
\xays c»rry their jf;^ Joe tr upon tfaQir.i(lio^vklfi>.
Oj Why fliould./a man in diebtfbecalkdi
diver?
A. Becaufe lie tift dipped over ;head and ^ars.
Q. Why arc ladie«^flarleye«Fa well ^^alified'
fpr htinitfig ? .
A. Becanfe they t:ome tviih r. boop mkd t.
hollow* _ ^
Qj Why are PtefbyterUns^ ;:Inde|)e:ndentv
Quakers, &c. fatd to be vermin?
A, Becaufe they are i«yi5/«
Q. Wber^Msere tMafixi breeehea.aaade.
Ai At Thiatyra.
Q. Who were the firft goldfindcrsf
A. The, Tur^ant. .
^ What part of the worJd - is bcft^ t^ feir d
dogs in ? <
A. Lapland. \ ■
Q. What prince in the world fhould -have a
boar for bis arms? . .
A. The lyuke of Tufcafjy.
Q. Where do the btift.coriiiCiHier&Jivc ? ( ^
A. At Leghorn. ,
^ ^ Wby.aii^shode&ASiitb grea£r;miili(iir heels
the beft racers?
A. Becaufe their heels are/.giveb Xii. rUn**
liiDg.
'^ What is the reafon that rats and mice are.
{6 much afraid of bafs-violins and fiddler I
A. Becaiufe they- are ftrttng>with cdUgtit. ()
Q, if a lawyer is a Whig, and ptetcnda to be
•a Tory, fx^vi^t.vstrfa, why HouJd.bisgowil be
ilript off? . -
I
1
•* P U^^K IK G. 375
fC-' Be<Jaofe he U gmUy of Sham p.^ffy,'
^ Hovv many animals are 'concerned in thfe-
for hiatidft of the EngUfh tongue,
Ak Actbrdin^ 'to>B«tr^-^«f;^> a great imiiibei*,
VIE. cat-egorical, dog-maticsl, cr^w-nological^
•flea-htomy,Ji/l)'Ognowyyfquirril*ily, rat i/icatio?i,
moufe^blaumy puf^tlitnimity, hare-edharf, cfs^
tronomy,-jay*ograpby, fhs^-yriUy dnck^ility^ -
Qj Where were the firft hams made ?
^«'' A. They were hiade in the temple of Jupiter
ITammorr, by the Hamadryades ; one of the m- (if
we may depend upon Baker's chronicles) yvas
•fent as a prefent to a geniletnan in Hamjhire,
bfthefainrly of tfie\Hiiwf/^o«j, who imincdi-
atdy fent it to Ham-tdn-Court, where rt was
l)ung up by a ftringin the hall^ by-way of rari-
ty, whence wchave chc^' EngHfh phrafe ^m-
ftrukg. ' ^
Thus did great Sixapat^ iin proline' the: mliid;
Byr<)deAtons/lufelli1f finpe to all maiikind ;\
. Tot when the porblxnd £bul nti farther Taw:'
Than length of nofe into dark natureVlaw^ '
His method cleu-^d tip aU, eaUrg'd the fight,
And fo he taught his pupils with day4ighi*
. Kule 8. The KuU of Interruption^ Although
the : company b^ engaged, iitj a difcourfe of jhe
mod ferious confequence, it is, and may be lavv^.
ful to interrupt tbeih with -Si pun. EJC, Gr.
Supppfe; them poring: over a problei)ii of the
mathematics, you may*, without offence, alk
them:. How go (ipi.)rei with thenii You maty
fay too, That being too intent upon thofe figdr^s^
thc(y,are become cjct/oipi^, i. c lickly eyed ; for
I i Z '^iwlmk^
37* The A R T e^^
which they are a psick of Logaritims, i. e. tagef
beads. Vide rule %j^.
Rule 9. The Rule of Rifibility* A roan inaft
be the firft that laughs at his own pun^i as^
IVlartial advlfes.
^i fludet akerius, rifum captare tepore,.
Imprimis riilum confrahat ipfcfuum.
He that would move another man to langbler^
AfiuA iirft begin^ and t^>ther (bon conies after..
Rule ID. The Rule of Retaliation, obliges youy
if a man makes fit ty />i<iijy to return all, or the
mod of them. in the fame kind. A9 for inftancpt
Sir "W ■ fent me a c^talggue of Mrs PrtidenceW
fcholarsy and defired my advice as^to the ma^
nagement of them.
Mifs Chief the ringleadeni
MifS'Advicef that QioUs her face with paiitti
MifS'Rule, that does every thing fiie is for^
bid.
MifS'Applicatioftf who has not done one kttet
in her iampler.
Mifs-Belief who cannot fay the creed. yet.
MifS'Call, a perfect BiHingfgate.
MifS'For,tune, that loft her grandmother'^
needle.
Mifs-XJhance, that broke her leg a^romping.
Mifs'Guide, that led the yoang mifles into
the dirt.
MifS'Laidt who left her porringer of flowec
and milk where the cat got it.
Mifs^Management, that let all her ftockings
run ont at the heels for want of darnings
Foe
^
". P- U N I^ IN Gfi 37>'
rorwWch Ifettt the followittgiti afters :
Mj;'?^/^-S/rote, to wh^them-
Mafler-JVorhndn^ to drcfs ibcitt. : .
M-3ji^<?r-SM/>, to rig theni. • ^
Mi^fieP^Lfy to cxcuft theui* {
M^hr-fVort, to purge thehiy
Majter-Pkce, to patch them^
- Mafier^Key, to lock thcin up.
Majt^r-Pock, ta>mortify thrtn;!,.
If theii^cft^^k^tp your la^fes^ quiet/ .
FoUdoWli^fheir courage with ldv<rcfiet. "^
.P«rhap*s/vd«str fir, you'll, think ?t ci^iicl, '
, Xb/^ed'em ot* plairi lu^f^r-^r^i^/;
Bart tak* my^ wbi cJ, the' beft of br^ee'dirig,
; ;Arit^is:pIarii, .reqiaires plain- feed ihg.
''_...'■ Vide RoscoM. . >
• Kule i I. "the Rule' of Ke petition, Yoft muft t
never let a pun be Jpft^ but repeat^ anj comment
upon It, till every one in the company both i
lieari and ariderftand5 it. Ex. Gt\
^ Sir,! have* very good vvine to give youv; e2&.
'cellent Pontick, which I got 'pon tick ; but,
(if, wfe rilirft have a Tittle ^tt;^-^^/^ over it ; you
take me, Sir, you, and you, and you tpp, JVladara.
.— There is ^z/«-?^/i upoti Pant^^J^, and ^pon-tick
tbo^, hey. ./:,.,
' '■Rul& 12. Tl^^ £leme>2iary.' !ptuk ^
your , elements, whether you have fifli, fan I, or .
ffeWfhr dinner. As for inftance : .
Htim thi^lirti which. Mr Poo/ Tent me ex. -
^treatnlylw^et ? t think it is main good, what fay
you? O my foal, I never tafted beiter ; and f
think it ought to take place of a^tv^j v\v;kV JHiivms ^
I i 3 ^tV^^^
37* T H F. A R T o p^ ^
Though yon may carp at me for faying Co\ I can
affure you that both Dx &prat and Dr fVhalUf
are of my mind.
This 11 an excelleivt f(yv3li and a fit difli tor
High-fliers ; pray^ Sir, what is your (hpinian of
this wingf as for the leg the cook ought to be
ilapp^r-clarw^d for not roafting it enough. Bat^
now I think on^t, why fliould this be called the
Bird of Bacchus. ?
A. Becaufe it was drefled by your drunken
cook. Not at alL You miftake the maliter;
Pray is it not a grape-lover / i» e. grey plover.
Are you for any of this muPton, fir I If not, I
can tell you, that you ought to be lamiafled; for
you muft know that I have the beft in the
country. My Jheep bear away the l^ell, . and I
can afliire you that in all weathers I can treat my
friends with as good mutton as this : He that
cannot make a meal of it, ought to have it f'anh
med down his throat.
Rule 13. The Rule of RetroJpeSion. By this
you may recjiU a difcourfe that has been paft
two hours, and introduce it thus —
Sir, as~ you were faying two hours ago— -You
bought thofe (lockings in Wales ; I believe it,
for they feem to be IVell^cbofe, i. e. Weljh^
hofe. '
Sir, you were (ayings if I miftake not^ an hoiur
or two ago— T'^tf/ fildiers have the fpeediefi
jujiice, I agree with you in that — For they are
never without red-drefs.
Rule 14. The Rule ofTranfition.- Which wiB
ferve to introduce any thing that has the moft
remote relation to thie fubjeA you are upon^
Ex. Gr.
l€
, P tr N N I N G- 37-9
If a man ^»/ upon a flablf^ yon may jJ>«« upon
a cornfield, a meadow, a torfe park, a frnttb or
faddler^s fliop. -Ex. Gr.
One fays, his horfes are gone to rack .* Then
you anfwer—- 1 vronld turn oat the rafcal that
looks after them. ^^Vt •Sir • <)on'c you think I
am right ; I would Jtrike luhile the iron is hot^
und pummel the dog to (bme purpofe.
Kule 15. I'he Rule of Alienation ; which
.obliges you when people are difputing hotty
upon a fubjecfly to pitch upon that word which
gives the greatefl difturbance^ and to make a pun
*upon it. This has not only occaiioned peace in
private companies^ but has put a fiop 10 hot
wranglings in parliaments znA convocations, which
otherwife would not fo foon come to a refolution*
For as Horace fay.^j ridiculum acri, &c. and very
often it is found (o.
^ Sir ■ once \n parliament brought in a bill
which wanted (bme ^^^//J;??^;;/ ; which being
denied him by the houfe, he frequently repjrated
-that he thirfted to mend his bill ; upon which a
ivorthy member got up, and faid, Mr Speaker^ I
humbly move, fince that member thirfis fo very
much, that he may be allowed to mend his draught.
This put the houfe into fuch a good humour^ that
his petition was granted.
Kule 16, The Kule of Analogy, is when two
perfons pun xx^on different fubjedti, after the
fame manner ; as, (ays one, I went to my Jhoe*
maker^s to-day for a pair of Jhoes, which I be-
fpoke a month ago, and when alt came to all,
the dog briflles up to me with a thou(and ex-
cufes, that I thought there would never be an
end of his difcourfe : But upon my calling him
a rafcal; he began to wax warm, and had tVv^
380 Th £ A R T 6 F
ifupudcnce to bid me vamp off, hr he'liacTnot
Ifiiurr iw)\v to talk t^o me, becaufi; he was going
to dinner, which vexed hie mdeed to the vety
foiil\ upon ibis \ juntped out of hrs iho|S In a v
great rage, and wiOied that the next bit ^he eat;
ntighi be his lajl.
5ays another, I went to a tarmet^s that owed
me Tome, nroiiejr, and what do you think, bat >
the pitiful fellow vtasr fiefied at it,^ linlovitich
that fbrfooth he could not h^e his :refeati»ent,
but told tne, tha-t it was enough to fetRaciwati
ham mad to be dunned (o early in a niomingv
Arid 83 for his part, he wo%\A curry favour nt>
loiigcr with me, ktiiie doiny word. Thtvs the
uriitiaunerly cur barked at me, <5-A
Kule 17. T^he SophijiicateA Riik, is fixmgt afon
a man a faying which he never f)i6kc^ -attS
making a pun upon it ; as, Ay^ fir^ fin^e^yoipfciy
he was 'J?orh in Batk-^Qiire, I f(gy- he is if4onr cjf a
bitch.
Kule, 1 7'. The Ritle af Trhin, * is a method of '
introducing puns which we hare ft\idied btf- .
fore. Ex.\Gr* t ..> : i
By talking of Truelock the guH^fmith, his verjf .
namic will provoke ibme per&n mthe.coifi^pany
to pun. Then yoyr.ptoc^ed^^Sir f J fa»U powder,
but you are plaguy weak io your Wflmc^^jtirwp; for
punning ; IwouW advife yob. to-gctiafj better
fiocki before you prertemi.to ht off, ^^ftpt^hlyoti
may think youtfclf ,/>rf>?Mr in, this^aflrt, ycnrarte
.much |i|ifl3kei),//or a> verj yooitg'begifiiibr inay
be a !fW/<^. f6fi y^t* r Ay,: Hf, yooimty Cfodc^Md
.'l«ok big, tHtii^ j^/7>; my.wwd i sake yon to be
no more ibah a flafh^ ' and M#s Skte^jS/w/ my
ne^hboqr (hall pun with, yoMfor ipijiv/e '; if I .
da not lo/e my dim, tec* :: • j . .
BmIc
PUNNING. 3,fi
Kule ig. The. Rule of Challenge^ As Ibr in-
ftance, when you have conned aver in your mind
a chain of puns, you furprize the bed punner in
company^ after this manner — Say iafi-pit if you
dare.
Rule 20. The Sanguine Rule, allows you to
fwear a man out of his pun, and prove yourfelf
the author of it,, as Dr ■ ferved Captain > '
who was told how a Jtater working at his houfe
fell through all the rafters, from top to bottom,
and that upon this accident he faid. He loved tOt
fee a man go cleverly through his vjork. That
is mine by ■ ". ■ ' , faid the doff or.
Rule 21. The, Rule of Concatenation, is making
a firing of puns as fail as you can, that no body
elfe can pui in. a word 'tUl you have exhaufled
iJbe fubjeft. £x. Gr.
There wzs one John. JppleSy a gardiner, feH
in love with one Mrs Curran, for her cherry
cheeks apd her lily white hand^ and loon after
be got her confent to graft upon her fiock ; Mr
Link the pat (on was fent, who joined the Iov«
ing pair together ; Mr Rovfintree and Mr Holy-
'617^ were brides-men: The company were, my
lady Joan Keel who came a mile a-foot to com*
plimei;it them, and her maid Sally, remarkable
for her carrots that rid upon a chejtnut. There
was Dr Burrage too,, a conflant medlar in other
people^s affairs : He was lately irri-pe ached Sot
murdering Don ^tckfet, Mrs Lettice Skerrit
and Mrs Rofe-merry were the bride-maids ; the
latter Tung a fong to oblige the company, which
an arch wag called a funeral dirge ; tut, no|,
withftanding this, our friend John began to thrive-
upon matrimony like a tV)ig in a bujh : I forgot
(o tell you that the taylor had fo much ca,hbag$
3*1 TheARTof
■• # . ' > ■ ■ . - *
out of the wcddlng-fult, there was none at all
for flipper.
Uttfe 2 2. The Rule of Irioculating, U When i
perfon mak^s an excellent ^«;2, arid yoxk imnic.
diately fix another upon it, as Dean ■ one
day faid to 4 gentleman, vvho'had a verj little
bob wig ; Sir, the dam of your wig is a vf liiflcer;
Upon *%hicH 1 came In very a^propps, atid faid^
Sir. that cannot be , for it is but ^n car.wfg'
Kule 23. The Rule of Defertion allows you to
bring a man into a /)«/;, and leave him rb work it
cut ; as, fuppofc you fliould hear a man fay the
incomparable — Then y.ou proceed, in — -com — i«-
com-^par — par — rabie-^rable — -So let^be other
make his bed of It.
Rule 24. The SalickKuie is a prete^nc^ to a
jumping of wits : That is,',when ^ man h^sxatde
z good pun, the othW fvvcars \iffih k 'pun Ht wu
juft Coming out with it.
One night I. remember Mr ferved Dr—
fb. The former faying over a bottle, 7^//, lam
for my mljlrefs here ; how lb, faysy^>w>'Wtfy,
I am for IVine-ifred, By this crooked * jHck,
faid Tom, I was coming out with it.
Rule 25. The Etymological Rulej is when a
man hunts sl pun through every letter atJd f>I- (
lable of a word ; as for example, I am afked
luh^t ij the bejl word to fpend an evening tvith ?
1 anCwer, potatoes. — For there is^o — pot-^-pota-^
potat— potato, and the rcverfc fotatop.
Rule 26. The Rule of Mortification, is when a
man has got the thanks and laugh of a compiny
for a good pun^ an enemy to the art f wears he
r^'ad it in Cambridge 'Jejls, This is fuch' an ia-
• C«n a-wry-^— /'. c, Canary.
' ver/ion
P U N N I KG. 3»j
vfirC}^x\ of it, tK*t 1 tsh^nk I may be allowed
tp qi9)cc: e^aniplje^ of ihefe kind of people in
Viprfp. .
Thns puppies ih^t adore the dark,
Again(t bright Cynthia howl awd bark j r-
iVltho' the regent of the iiight,
• JLijce i^s 13 ^ay with iprrotv^d light.
. R,uJe 7,y . The Profcjjionary Kule, ,is to frame
arftory, aiiicj. fwca,r yoa were prefent at an event
where .every inan talked in bis own calling. Ex.
Gr. \ ' •
;^ Major —— fw^ars be was prefent at the (eiz-
ing ot' a pick-pocket by a gr cdi raMle ia Srnith'
field ; ^ad that he beard a
^ Taylor fay, fend the dog to Jiell ,;
The cookf let me at him, I'll l^ajie bim ;
The joiner, hh plain ite dog was caught in the
facfl, Ifaw him ;
. TA^. blackfmith, he's a fine y/>^r)t indeed ;
The butcher^ knock down xh^ Jh ambling cur ;
r Tb^ g^f^^^^f ^^Y^ ^^^ %^^ yZ?/«^ through -
. .. J/>; , : ;
. The look/eJler^ bind him over ; '
The Jaddl^r, ptifnmelixim ; .
. 7'Z?(f farmer t thra/h the dog ;
A popijh priejl going by^ I'lll make r/^^ V/(?i;i/
/?y out of him.
Rule 2S, The Brazen-head Rule, is when a
pUJjJler /lland^ his groi^ifd againil a whole com -
piLQyi tbpugh there is not one to Hde with him,
tp the utter 4c(lru<Sipn Qf all converfation but
his owuf— r"Af f^ iaftance:, ftys <MjrC, I hate a
3^4 TheARTof
p»w— then he — ^When s pun ii meant, is it a
fnmijhment ? Deux take yoar quibbling. — A. Sir,
I Will not beat you an ace ; cinq ae me if I do ;
and Pll make you know that I am a (ize above
you.^^This fellow cannot talk out afhiseletnenU
—To -divert you was all I meant.
Rule 29. The Hypothetick Rule, is when yon
fnppofe things hardly confiftent to be united for
the fake of a pun .- As for inftance^ fuppofe a
perfbn in the pillory had received a full dift
charge of eggs upon every part of his face but
the handle of it, why would be malce the longeft
veries in the world ?
A. Verfuj Jlexandrinoj, i. ^. All eggs and
drynofe.
Rule 30. The Rule of Naturalization is, that
punning is free of all languages.' As for the
Latin Romanos, you may fay Roman nofe-^Teme^^
raria, Tom where are you ; Oxonia profpe&usj
Pox on you. pray fpeak to us. For the French,
quelque chofe, you may fay in Englifh, kick/hoes.
When one fays of a thief, Iwtjh he was tranf
ported. A. He is already fur -enough.
Dr — — — made an excellent advantage of this
rule one night ; when a certain peeviSi gentle-
man in his company had loft his fpedacles, he
hid him have a good heart, for if it continued
raining all night, he would find them in the m<,rn^
ing. Pray how fo? Why fir,
NoSe pluit totd, redeunt fpeHacula tnane^
Rule 3r. The Rule of Random. When a man
fpeaks any thing that comes uppermoft, and (bme
good pun finder diCcovers what he neveir meant
in it^ then iie is to fay, you have -hit" it / As
major
PUNNING., 385 ,
major ■ did, cptnplaining that he ftaid at-
home by reafon of an ijjue in his leg, which was
juff beginning to run, was anfwered by Mr
-— , I wonder that you Jhould k^ confined njohe
have fuch running legs. — The major replied, You
have hit it, for I meaned that.
Rule 22. The Rule cf Scandal. Never to fpeak
well of another punfter. Ex. Gr.
Who he i Lord fir, he has not fenfe enough t^
play at crambo.
He does not know the meaning o( fynonymous
words.
He never rifesfo high as a conundrum, or a
carrywhitcliit.
Rule 33. The Rule of Catch, is when you hear .>
a man conning a pun foftly to himfelf, to whip
it out of his mouth, and pafs it upon the com*,
pany for your own. As for inftance :
Muftnrd happened to be mentioned in a com-
pany where 1 was, and a gentleman, with his
tycs fixed upon the cieling, was at mus — muSj^
finapi^—fnap eye — bite nofe One in company
overhearing him, hit him arid /napped it up, anii v
faid, mufiard is tlye flouteft feed in the vjotld, jajf^ '
it takes the greatefi men by the nofe.
Rule 34. The Golden Rule, allows you to
change one fyllable for another ; by this you
may either lop off, iafert, or add to a wordt Ex»
. Gr. - ;
r Church, Kirk.
For < Bangor, Clangor.
C. Prefoyter, — Has biter, &c.
This 'ule Js of fuch confequenc^, that a man
was once tried for his life by it. The cafe was
thus : A certain man was brought before 2l judge
vfaffize (or murder; his lord(l\l^ ^<ks.^ V\% ^-awsx^ ^
t
€
386 The A K T o F ^
and being' anfwcred Spillman, the j-iidge faid,
Take avjay Sp and his njme // lU-man, put K to
it and it is Kill-man ; ay)ay with him jailor^ his
very nuthe has hanged him. — This 34ih rule on
this occafion became a rule of court, and was (a
well liked, that a juflice of peace , who fhall be
namekfs, applied every tittle of Jt to a man
brought to him upon the fame account, after
this manner : ** Come fr, I conjure you, as T am
one of his majejly^s jujlices of the peace, to tell
me your name. — A. My name, an^t pleafe you,
< is JVatfon.—^* ho^ fir / Watfon I mighty
V well. Take away Sp front it, and it is 111- man,
* and put K to it and it is Kill-man ; away with
■ * him conji able, his very name will hang him.''
Let us now confider a new cafe ; as for iiiliance,
the church of England as by law ejiablifhed. Put
a t before it and it \h teJUabliJhed, take away the
t}sji and put in 0, and it is a-bolifheld.
How much was the late ingenious author of
P ar f on Alter oni obliged to it, in that very na-
tural ftory which he framed concerning tlvef
preacher ; where he tells you one of the congre-
gation called the miniftcr an humbaffandar for
an ambajfador.
Give me leave,.courteous reader, to recommend
to your perufal and pra<5lice this mod excellent
rule, which is of fuch univerfal ufe and advan-
tage to the learned warld, that the mod valuable
diKoyeries, both as to antiquities and etymolo-
gies, are maJe by it ; nay farther, I will venture
to fay, that all words which are introduced to
, eiirich and make a language copious, beautiful,
and harmonious, arife chiefly from this rule. —
Let an} man bUt confuFt Bentley^s Herace, and
be will fee what ufcfuV A\fcQNtT\^% \Wx. vfity
P U N N I N O. 387
learned gentleman has made by the \ic]p of ihlt
rule ; for indeed poor Horace would have lain
under the eternal reproach of making a fox eat
OAts, had not the learned docftor, with i^reat
Judi^ment and penetration, found out fjitcdula tQ
be u bhinder of the librarians for *uulp€cula ;
which nltedula th:C doctor fays fignifies a grafs-
iiioufe, and ihis clears lip the whole matter, be-
rcaufc it makes Ahe (lory hang well together :—
For all the world knows that weazels have a
inoll tender regard and afFetftion to grafs mice,
w liereas they hate foxes as they do iire-brands»
In fhort all various lei^tions are to be attributed
to this rule, fo are all the Greek diale<fts, el fe Ho-
mer would have 'wanted the fonorous beauty of
bis OWs. But the greateft and beft mafVers of
this rule, without difpute, were, the Dorians,
who made nothing 6f faying Tin for Soi, Tenos
ior Ekeinos, Surifdqmes tor Surizomen, &c.
From this too we hav^ our ^da/i's in LexU
'cons. Was it not by the 34th rule that the Sa-
xpviritan, Cbajdee, i£ihiopic, Syriack, Arabick,
and Perfiiin languages vvere formed from the
original Hebrew ; for which I appeal to the Poly-
glot ? And, among our modern languages, are
iiot the Italian, SpaniQi, Portuguefe, and French
derived and formed from the Latin by the fame
power ? How much poets have been obliged to
it, we need jio further proof than the figures^
prothefis, epenthejisj apocope, paragoge, and elip^
fis. Which trimming and fitting of words to-
make them more agreeable to our ears, Djonyfius
HalicarnaflTenfis, has taken notice of in his book
De compofitione voCum ; -where he pleafantly
compares your polite reformers of words to
ipafons with hammers^ who ht^%.V ^^ ^"^'5:S£5^^
388 - The A R T OF
comers of flones^ that they may become more
even and firm in their places.
Bat, after all, give me leave to lament, that I
cannot have the honour of being the fble inven*
tor of this incomparable rule : Though 1 fblemn*
ly proteft, upon the word of an author (if an
nuthor may have credit), that I never had the
lead hint towards it, any more than thepadies
letters and young childrens prontinciation, till a
year after I had propofed this rule to Dr »
who was an excellent judge of the advantage it
might be to the public ; when to my great fur-
pi ize, tumbling over the third tome of AUtedius,
p. 71. right loath to believe iny eyes, I met with
the following paflage :
*^ Ambigua multum faciunt ad banc rem, cn-
' jufmodi exempla plurima reperiuntur apud
' Plaudum, qui in ambiguis crebro ludit. Joci
* captantur ex permutatione fyllabarum & vo-
^ cuin^ ut pro Decreturo, Difcretum ; pro Me*
* dicns, Menditus et Merdicus ; pro Polycarpus,
' Polycoprqs ; item ex fyllabarum ellipfi, ut ait
' Althuflus, cap. 3. civil, converf. Pro Cafimi-
* rus, Iruf. pro Marcus, Arcus ; pro Vinofus, O-
' fus ; pro facerdotium^ Otium ; fie, additione
' literae, pro Urbanus, Turbanus/'— Which cx-
Si6i\y correfponded to every branch and circum-
ftance of my rule. Then indeed I could not
avoid breaking out into the following exclama-
tions, and that after a mod pathetic manner :
*' yN'vctchcd Tom Pun-/ibi/ wretched indeed I
* Are all thy nocturnal lucubrations come to
* this? Mufl another, for being a hundred years
' before thee in the world, run away with the
' glory of thy own invention. 'Tis true he
' mutt. Happy Mftedius I vVv^x.\\\k»w^\.^cwild
PUNNING. 3'«9
have ftood me in All ftead / upon confulting
thy method of joking AlVs tedious lo rac
now, fince thou had robbed me of that honour,
which would have fet me above all writers of
the prefent age. And why not happy Tom
Pun-fibi ? did we not jump together like true
wits. But alas [ thou art on the faftrft fide of
the bufh ; my credit being liable to the fufpi-
cion of the world, bccaufe you wrote before
nie. Ill-natured critics, in fpite of all my pro*
tedaiions, will condemn me right or wrong for
a Plagiary. Henceforward never write any
thing of thy own* but pillage and trefpafs upon
all that ever wrote before thee ; fearch among
dud and moths for things new to the learned.
Farewell dudy ; from this moment I abandon
thee ; for wherever I can get a paragraph
upon any fubje<5t whatfoever, ready done tp
*^ my handy my head (hall have no farther
"^ trouble than to fee it fairly trdafcrii^ed.*^.
THE
MAN OF TASTE:
OCCASIONIlS BY AN
E P I S T L E
Of Mr POPE*s
On that Subject
Bf tb^ Jtabor 9/ tie Akt ffVoLiTiet:
mm
/-r^«&»F*-^
; :;
r' •' • '
T:r A
'J
' r
• i
i. ■ i.
1^ o
«>
: 1
»• -*•' • • ■• *»««^ ...... ^ , i_.
•f :; .
- T-^v
. I
THE
MAN of TASTE.
TTZHOE^ER he be that to a Tafte afpnes,
Let him read thiSj and be what he defires.
In men and manners vers'd^ from life I write
Not what was once but what is now polite*
Thofe who of courtly France have made the tour.
Can fcarce our Engliih aukwardnefs endure ;
But honeft men who never were abroad.
Like England only, and its Tafte applaud.
Strife ftill fubfifts, which yields the better ^0«/;
Books or the world, the many or the few.
TtiieTaJle tome is by this touchftone known,
That^s always beft that's neareft to my owfi.
To ihew that my pretenfions are not vain,
My father was a play'r in Drury-lane.
Pears and piftachio-nuts my mother fold,
~ He a dramatic poet, £he a fcold.
\ His tragic mufe could countefles affrigtit)
•* Her wit in boxes was my lord?* iitiVv^^*
394 The M, AN of
No mercenary pried e'er joui'd their hands|
Uncranip'd by wedlock's unpoetic bands.
Laws my Pindaric parents mattered not.
So I was tragi-comica41y -got. 7
My infant tears a fort of meafure kept,
I fquaird in dlQlchs, and in triplets wept*
No youth did I in education vvafte,
Happy in an hereditary Tajle.
Writing ne'er crampM the finevvs of nay thumb,
Nor barb'rous birch e'er brnfli'd my brawny bum.
My guts ne'er fuflFer'd from a college cook,
My namene'er enterM in a buttery-bo )k.
Gtammar in vain the fons of Prifcian teach.
Good parts are better than eight parts of fpeecli.
Since thefe declined, thofe undecKn'd they call,
I thank my ftars, that I declin'd 'em all. j
To Greek or Latin tongues without pretence^
I truft to mother wit, and father fenfe.
Nature^s my guide, all fciepces 1 fcorn^
Pains I abhor, I was a poet bortu
Yet IS ray gout for criticifm fuch,
I've got fome French, and know a little Dutch.
Huge commentators grace my learned (helves.
Notes upon books out -do the books themfelvcs.
Cricics indeed are valuable men,
JBuc byper-critics ate ?k^ soo^ ^^m* ^
' T AST i. ' 395
Tlio'Blaclcmort's works my foul with raptures fill.
With notes by Bentley theyM be better ftilL
The boghoufe-mifcellany/s well ^pfigned,
'f o eafe the body, and improve the itiind.
Swift ^s whiras at^d jokes for my Ecfentment call^
For he difpleafes me, that pleafes all.
Verfe wiihoiit rhime I never could endure.
Uncouth in numbers, and in fenfe obfcure.
To him as nature, when he ccasM to fee^
Milton^ an univerfal blank to me,
ConfirmM and fettled by the nation's voi<:e,^
Rhime is the poet's pride, and people's choice*
Alvvays upheld by ^national fupport, -
Of market, univerfity, and court : '
Thbmfon, write blank ; but know that for that
reafon,
Thefe lines fhall live, when thine are out of fea(bn»
Rhime binds and beautifies the poet's Idys, «
As London ladies owe their fliapc to flays*
Had Gibber's felf the Carelefs Hufband wrote^
He for the Laurel ne'er had had my vote:
But for his epilogues and other plays, '
He thoroughly deferves the modern bays.
It pleafes me, that Pope unlaurell'd goes,
While Gibber wears the ba'ys 5ot "^vj\n«^^
profe. > ^^
39^ Tuz MA a OF
So Britain's monarch once uncovered {at,
Whil« Bradfliav^ bully'd in a broad-brimm'd hat>
Long live old Curl! he ne'er to pablifh fears,
The fpeeches, verfes, and laft wills of peers.
How oft has he a public fpirit fhown.
And pleas'd o«r ears regardle(s of his own?
But to give merit due, though Curl's the fame,
Are not his brother-bookfellers the fame i
Can ftatutes keep the Britifli pre(s in awe,
While that fells bed, that's moll againtl the law ?
Lives of dead play'rs my leifure hours beguile,
And feffions- papers tragedize my (lile.
^Tis charming reading in Ophelia's life.
So oft a mother, and not once a wife :
She could with juft propriety behave.
Alive with peers, vVith monarchs in her grave ;
Her lot how oft have envious harlots wept.
By prebends biiry'd, and by generals kept I
T' improve in morals Mandeville I read.
And Tyndal's fcruples are my fettled creed.
I travell'd early, and I foon faw through
Religion all, e'er I was twenty-two.-
Shame, pain, or poverty (hall I endure.
When ropes or o^mm c;vc\ xsvj ^?kfe. vjrocnre ?
TASTE. . 397
When moncy^s gone, and I no debts can pay.
Self-murder is an honourable way.
As Pafaran directs Vd end my life.
And kill myfelf, my daughter, and my wife.
Burn but that Bible which the parfon quotes.
And men of fpirit all (hall cut their throats.
But not to writings I confine my pen,
I have a tafle for buildings, mufic, men.
Young traveled coxcombs mighty knowledge
boaft.
With fuperficial fmatterings at moft.
Not fo my mind, unfatisfied with hints.
Knows more than Budgel writes,or Roberts prints*
I know the town, all houfes I have feen,
From High-park corner down to Bednal-green.
Sure wretched Wren was taught by bungling
Jones,
To murder mortar, and disfigure ftones !
Who in Whitehall can iymmetry difcern ?
I reckon Covent-garden <;hurch a barn.
Nor hate I lefs thy vile Cathedral, Paul !
The choir^s too big, the cupola's too fmall :
Subftantial walls and heavy roofs I like,
'Tis Vanburgh's (Irudiures that my fancy ftrike t
Such noble ruins ev'ry pile would make,
I wi£h theyM tumble for the profgcitN^ C^k^«
39* The MAN or
To lofty Ch«l(ea or to Grcenwkh dome.
Soldiers and failoirs all arc welcomed home.
Her poor to palaces Britannia brings,
St Jameses hofpltal nnay fcrve for kings.
Building (6 happily I underftand,
That For one houfe I'd mortgage all my land*
Dorick, Ionic, ihall not thefe be fonnd.
But it (haH coft me threelcore thoufand pound.
From out my honed workmen, Pll CtdcA
A bricklay'r, and proclaim him architeA •
Firft bid him build me a ftupeildous dome,
"Which having fini(h*d, we fet out for Rome ;
Take a week's view «f Venice and the Brent,
Stare round, fee aothit)g^ ^nd com« hoti^e cm*
tent.
I'll have my villa too, a ^eet abode.
Its (itnation (hall be London road :
Pots o'er the doer I'll ^la<^e like ell's halsdnfei^
>Vhich * BMdey caUa the gardens ^f
I'll have my gardens in the £dhioii too^
For what i« beaotifttl that is not new i
Fair four.legg'd tentples, theatres that vie
Wilh.all. the angles t)f a Ghriftli^a^pyei
• BeniWy'j Milton, Boek 9. rer. 43fi
TASTE; 399
Docs it not merit the beholder's praife^
M'hat^s high to dolc^ and wbac i9 low to rai(e I
slopes fhall afcend where once ^a green-houfe
ftood^
And in my borfe-pond I will plant a wood..
Kiet mifers dread the hoarded gold to wafte ;.
£^pence and alteration fliew a ^aflt.
In curious paintings l*ni exceeding ntce^
And know their fevcral beamies by their piiccv
Auctions and (ales I conftantly attend^
But chuie my pr<5lures by a fkilful friend«
Originals and copies nwch th« fame,
The picture's value is the painter's name.
My tafte in ibulp^ure from my choice 19 le^n^
I buy UQ ftatuea that Are o^ obfcene*
In fpite of Addifian and ancient Roa»e^
Sir Cloudefly Stiov^Fs is niy fav'rite tomb»
How oft have I with admiration ftood,
Ta view feme city«magiftrate \xk wood !
I gaze with pleaHtre on a lord mayor's head,.
Call with propriety in gilded lead;
Oh could I view, through London as T pa(s.
Some broad Sir Balaam in Corinthian brals X
High on a pedeftal, ye freemen, place
Ifis magifterial paunch and g|ci^vw^€w:.^\
4©o TheMANof
Lctter'd and gilt, let him adofn Cheapfidei
And grant the tradefman what a king's deny'd.
Old coins and medals I coUeA, 'tis true^
Sir Andrew has 'em^ and Pll have 'em too.
But among friends, if I the truth might fpeak,
I like the modern^ and defpife th' antique.
Tho' in the drawers of my japan bureau^
To Lady Gripeall I the Gacfars fliew ;
Tis equal to her ladyfhip or me,
A copper Otho, or a Scotch baubee.
«
Without Italian, or without an ear.
To Bononcini's mufic I adhere :
Mufic has charms to footh a favage beaft^
And therefore proper at a (hcriff's feaft.
My foal has oft a fecret pleafure found.
In the harmonious bagpipe's lofty ibimd. * /
BagfHpes for men, (hriir German ^flutes for boys,
Fm Englifh born, and love a grumbling noife.
The ftage (hould yield the folemn organ's note.
And fcripture tremble in the eunuch's throat.
Let Seneflno fing what David writ,
And Hallelujahs charm the pious pit*
£ager in throngs the town to'Hefter came,
Aud Oratorio was a lucky name.
Ibou
TASTTE. 4*1
Thou> Heideggrel tli6 En^ifli tafU haft foun^.
And ruPft the mob of ^uaUtjr with loandl.
In l^ent^ if xna%af ra(d« difplf aft the towi^
€aU 'em ridottoec^ and theyUl fliU ga down r
Go on^ prince Phyz! to pleafe the Bntifh nation^,
Call thy next mafqiierade a Conwcatiom
Bears^ lioiis^ wolvesj and elepbifnts Tbrceili,
And Philofophical Tranfadlions read.
Next lodge FU be fcee^mafixn ; notUng le&„
Unlefs I happen to be F. R« |S»
I have a palate^ and (as yet) two earif^>
Fit company for Porters, or for Peers.
Of cv^ry ufeful knowledge Pve a ihare^. 1
Bat my top talent is a bill of fare..
Sirloins and rumps of beef offend my eye^
Pleas'd with frogs fricafree'd, and CQXcomb^l^es^-
, Difhes I chu(e though little, yet genteel.
Snails the firft courfe, and peepers crown the
meal. ^ -
Pigs heads^with hair on much my fancy pleafe
I love young colly-flow>s if ftew'd in cheefe,
And give ten guineas for a pint of peas*
No tattling fervants tp my table come.
My Grace is Silence^ and my waiter Du«b.
402 T H E M A N or
,Qiiecr cottotry^pttts extol Qttecn Befs's rdgn^
And.6f Loft hofpitaKlIt^ complain.
Say thou, that di'A thy father's table praire.
Was there mahogany in former days f
Oh! coold a Britifb Barony be (bid ?
I would bright honour buy "with dazling gold.
Could I the privilege of peer procure.
The rich Pd bully, and opprefs the poor.
To give is wrong, but it is wronger ft ill.
On any terms to pay a tradefman's bill.
Pd make the inlblent mechanics ftay.
And keep my ready-money all for play*
Pd try if any pleafure could be found.
In toiCng up for twenty thoufand pound*
Had I whole counties, I to White's would go.
And ftake lands, woods, and rivers, at a throw%
But fhould I meet with an unlucky run.
And at a throw '^e glorioufly undone ;
My debts of honour Vd difcharge the firft,
L et all my lawful creditors be curft :
My title would prefcrve me from arreft.
And felzing hired horfes is a jeft.
IM walk the mornings with an oaken ftick,
With gloves and hat^ like my own footman,
Dick.
TASTE. 403
A footman I would be, in outward fiiow.
In fenfe and education^ truly ib«
As for my head^ it fhould ambiguous wear
At once a periwigs and its, own hair.
My hair IM powder in the women's way,
And drefs, and talk of dre fling, more than they.
I'll pleafe the maids of honour, if I can ;
Without black-velvet breeches, what is man ?
I will my ikill in button-holes difplay,
And brag how oft I fhift me evVy day.
Shall I wear cloaths m aukward England made ?
Or fweat in cloth, to help the woollen trade ?
In French cmbroidVy and in Flanders lace
FU fpend the income of a treafurer's place.
Deard's bill for baubles fhall to thoufands mount.
And Pd out-di'mond ev^n the Di'mond Count;
I would convince the world by taudry cloaths,
That belles are lefs effeminate than beaux.
And Dr Lamb fhould pare my lordfhip's toes.
To boon companions I my time would give.
With players, pimps, and parafltes I'd live.
I would with jockeys from Newmarket dine,
And to rough-riders give my choicefl wine.
I would carefs Ibme flableman of note,
And imitate bis language, and bis coat:
4^4 The man of
My ev^mngs ail I wooUl with flxtrpers ipcod^
And make the thief-ettcher my bolbm fiiend;
In Fig the prise«fighter by day delighr,.
And fnp' with CMy Cibber ev'ry nighc*.
Should I perchance be fafhiooably ill^
I'd lend for Miraubinj and take his pill;
I fliould abbor^ though in the utmofl: need^
Arbuthnot, HoUins^ Wigan, Lee^ or Mead :
But if I found that I grew worfe and worfe^
I'd turn oflF Mifaubin^ aud take a nurle.
How oft^ when eminent phyficians fail.
Do good old women's remedies prevail?
\i^hen beauty's gone^ and Chloe's ftruck with
years^
Eyes (he can coucb^ or (he can fyringe ears*
Of graduates I diflike the learned rout^
And chufe a female doctor for the gout.
Thus would I live, with no dull x>edants curs^d>
Sure, of all blockheads, fcholars are the worft.
Back to your univerdiies^ ye fools I
And dangle arguments on firings in fchook :
Thofe fchools which univerfities they call, .
^Twere well for England were there none at all.
With eafe that lofs the nation might fuftain.
Supply 'd by Goodman's Fields and Drurylane*
Oxford
T A S T E. 405
Oxford and Cambridge are not worth one farth-
ing,
Compared to Haymarket, and Co vent-garden:
Quit thofe, ye Britifli youth, and follow thefe.
Turn players all, and take your 'fquires degrees.
Boaft not your iBcomes now, as heretofore.
Ye book-leamM feats I the theatres have more :
Ye (liff-rump'd heads of colleges be dumb,
A finging eunuch gets a larger fum.
Have fome of you three hundred by the year, •
Booth, Rich,^ and Cibber^ twice three thoufand
clear.
Should Oxford to her filler Cambridge join, -
A ye2Lt^s rack-rent^ and arbitrary fine :
Thence not one winter's charge would be de«
frayed,
For playhoufe, opera, ball, and mafquerade.
Glad I congratulate the judging age,
The players are the world, the world the
(I age.
I am a politician too, and hate
Ofany party, minifters of flate:
I'm for an a<5l, that he, who fev'n whole years
Has fervM his king and country, lofe his ears.
Tha*
4o6 The P O E T»s ^^ R A Y E R.
Thus from my birih I^m qualified, you find,
To give the laws otTafte to huttfan kin4.
Miae arc the gallant (chemes of politefle^
For books, and baildings, politics, and dre&»
This is true Tafl^t and who(b likes it not.
Is blockhead,'coiLCotiib, pupi^^ feol^^ and lot.
The P O E T's PRAYER.
I
TF e'er in thy fight I found favour, ApoUo,
Defend me ftom all the difafters which fbl-
low :
From the knaves and tke ftols, and the fops «f
the time.
From the drudges in proft, and the triflersia
rhyme :
From the patch-work aud toils of the royal facb
bibber,
Thofe dead birth-day odes, and the farces of
CiBBER:
From fervile attendance on men in high pl|ices»
Their worfliips, and bonqurs, and lordibips, aad
graces:
From fong dedications to patrons unworthy.
Who bear and receive, but will do nothing for
thccv
Thc POET'S PRAYER. 407
rm tjufybackibitefs, And tall<?rs aod catpcf s,
d fcufvy acqurintance of fidlcrs iiiid fhatpcrs;
>ai old politicians^ and cofiee-kMfe ledlures :
le dreams of achy ttiift, Mid Itbeiives of prdjec^
tors :
>m the fears t]f a jaif^ atid the ht^^ tfit pen*
fion,
te tricks of a gamcfter, and oath^of an enfign:
)m ihaUow ffee-^thinkens in taverns difputing^
r ever cdhfbtefd, ildr tfit confuting :
>in the conflant good Hu-e of andther xnan'^
board>
f lady's broad hbt^, and the jefts of my lord-
im hearirig old chyiifti prelWling tfe t^eo^
id reading of Dutch eofnwentat6rs fa] fblf6:
Hn waiting, like Gay, wiiole yeara at White* ^
haH :
>tii the pride of gay wits, and the etity df
fmall :
jm fceing carefs\! to be kft in the fardi^
re too! of a party, in ftate or in charch :
^m doll thinking blockheadf, is feber as Turks,
d petulant bards who repeat their dwn works 2
>m an the gay things of a drawhig-foofti ihoW,
le fight of a belle, and the fmell of ^ bt^xix
4o8 The P OET's P R A Y E R,
From very fine ladies with very fine incomes^
Which they finely lay oat on fine toys and fine
tnncHnis:
From the pranks of ridottoes and court-maiqae-
radesy
The fnares of young jilts, and the fpite of oM
maids :
From a (aucy ddll Aage, and rabmittiog to (hare
In att empty third night with a beggarly playV*
prom Curl and fiich printers as woa'd ha' oie
cursed
To write fecond parts, let who will write the
firft;
From all pious patriots, who would to their beft
Put on a new tax, and take off an old teft :
From the faith of informers, the fangs of the
law,
And the great rogues, who keep all the leffer in
awe:
From a poor country cure, that -living inter menty
With a wife and no pro(pe<5t of aijy preferment :
From fcril)bling for hire, when my credit is
funk.
To buy a new coat, and to line an old trunk :
From
\
The POET'S PRAYER. 409
From ^fquires, Who cfivert iis with jokes at their
tables - ^
Of hounds in their ^ kennels^ and nags in their
ftables :
From the nobles and commons, who bound ia
ftridi league are
To Tubfcribe for no book^ yet fub(cribe to Het*
deggre:
From the cantof/anatics^the jargon of fchools^
The cenfiires of wife men, and praifes of foolns
From critics who never read Latin or Greek,
And pedants^ who boatft they read both all the
weck^
From borrowing wit, to repay it like Bt/D GEL,
Or lending, like Popk, to be paid by a cudgel:
If ever thou didft^ or wilt ever befriend me.
From thefe, and fuch evils, Apollo, defend me^
And let me be rather but honed with no-v>rit.
Than a noily nonfeniical half-witted poet.
\ Mm G&muS,
■tr --»'->
4i
it
And reputation. 4n
^ Where-c'cr (he went, the danglers came ;
^' Yet ftill I was her favourite 'flame.
'* Till once — ('twas at the public (how)
** The play being done, wc rofe to go.^
A thing, who long had ey^d the fair^
His neck (tiff yok'd in iblitaire,
*(' With fclean white glove^^ firft made approacb|
" Then begg'd to lead her to her cckicIi.
^ She fraird, and gave her lilly hand.;
*^ Away they trip it lo the Strand :
^' A hackney-coach Te<:eiv'd the pair,
*' They went to j I vyon'i tell wliere^
** Tljeh loft (lie reputation quite :
<^ Friends takc-exatnple from that; nighty
<* And never leave me from, your fight.
*' For oh! if jcruel fate intends
** hVerto part lii^ from my friends^
<* Think that Vm dead ; my death deplore,
*' But never hope to fee me more f
** In vain you'll fearch the world aroand %
** JLoft reputation's never to be foumk
t I K 1 S.
UCL. X i JiJ-£^5
{
Live Music Archive
Librivox Free Audio
Metropolitan Museum
Cleveland Museum of Art
Internet Arcade
Console Living Room
Books to Borrow
Open Library
TV News
Understanding 9/11