Full text of "Alice in Wonderland; a dramatization of Lewis Carroll's "Alice's adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the looking glass,""

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ALICE IN WONDERLAND

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Alice: You're Humpty Dumpty! Just like an egg.

[Page 24]

'A fttftmatization of £tt»is Carroll's

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"She (?;on6cicTitc of S^irah Piatt"
"UnqutnthtJ TirET'a Gttlt UJorUlht.

©hicacro

a..e.Ac.(2ittrv&eb.
1915

A. C. McCLURG & CO.

1915

Published December, 1915

Rights to produce this play in all countries of the world
are reserved by Alice Gerstenberg

W. F. HALL PRINTING COMPANY, CHICAGO

a4nr;33

This dramatic rendering of Alice in Wonderland, by Alice Gerstenberg
of Chicago, was produced by The Players Producing Company of Chicago
(Aline Barnsdall and Arthur Bissell), at the Fine Arts Theater, Chicago,
February ii, 1915. After a successful run it opened at the Booth Theater,
New York, March 23, 191 5.

The scenery and the costumes were designed by William Penhallow Hen-
derson of Chicago.

The music was written by Eric De Lamarter of Chicago.

The advertising posters and cards were designed by Jerome Blum of
Chicago.

The illustrations of the characters of the play in this book were drawn by
J. Allen St. John from photographs by Victor Georg of Chicago.

W. H. Gilmore staged the play with the following cast :

Lewis Carroll
Alice

Red Queen
White Queen
White Rabbit
humpty dumpty
Gryphon
Mock Turtle
Mad Hatter
March Hare
Dormouse .
Frog Footman
Duchess
Cheshire Cat
King of Hearts
Queen of Hearts
Knave of Hearts
Caterpillar .
Two of Spades .
Five of Spades
Seven of Spades

Frank Stirling

Vivian Tobin

Florence LeClercq

Mary Servoss

. Donald Gallaher

Alfred . Donohoe

Fred W. Permain

Geoffrey Stein

Fred W. Permain

. J. Gunnis Davis

Walter Kingsford

Kenyon Bishop

Alfred Donohoe

Frederick Annerly

Winifred Hanley

Foxhall Daingerfield

Walter Kingsford

Rule Pyott

France Bendtsen

John A. Rice

Alice in Wonderland

THE SCENES

ACT I

Scene I — Alice's Home.

Scene II — The Room in the Looking Glass.

Scene III — The Hall with Doors.

Scene IV — The Sea Shore.

ACT II

Scene The March Hare's Garden.

ACT III

Scene I — ^ The Garden of Flowers.
Scene II — The Court of Hearts.
Scene III — Alice's Home.

Miss Gerstenberg's manuscript called for costumes after the illustrations
of John Tenniel, and scenery of the simple imaginative type, the " new art "
in the theater.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

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11

Alice in Wonderland

ACT I
SCENE ONE

Alice's home. Lewis Carroll is discovered, playing chess.
Golden-haired ALICE, in a little blue dress, a black kitten
in her arms, stands watching him.

Alice
That's a funny game, uncle. What did you do then?

Carroll

A red pawn took a white pawn ; this way. You see, Alice, the
chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, red and white,
and the white army tries to win and the red army tries to win.
It's like a battle!

With soldiers?

Alice

Carroll

Yes, here are the Kings and Queens they are fighting for.
That's the Red Queen and here's the White Queen.

[I]

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Alice
How funny they lookl

Carroll
See the crowns on their heads, and look at their big feet.

Alice

It's a foot apiece, that's what it is! Do they hump along like
this?

Carroll

Here! You're spoiling the game. I must keep them all in
their right squares.

Alice

I want to be a queen !

Carroll

Here you are \^he points to a small white pawnl here you
are in your little stiff skirt!

How do you do, Alice!

Alice

Carroll

And now you are going to move here.

[2]

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Alice

?«/'' Let me move myself.

Carroll

When you have traveled all along the board this way and
haven't been taken by the enemy you may be a queen.

Alice

Why do people always play with kings and queens? Mother
has them in her playing cards too. Look!

[Alice goes to the mantel and takes a pack of playing cards
from the ledge.~\

Here's the King of Hearts and here's his wife; she's the Queen
of Hearts — isn't she cross-looking? wants to bite one's head
off.

[Carroll moves a pawn.l
You're playing against yourself, aren't you?

Carroll

That's one way of keeping in practice, Alice; I have friends
in the university who want to beat me.

Alice

But if you play against yourself I should think you'd want to
cheat!

Carroll

Does a nice little girl like you cheat when she plays against
herself?

/;*•*!

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Alice

Oh! I never do! I'd scold myself hard. I always pretend Fm
two people too. It's lots of fun, isn't it? Sometimes when
I'm all alone I walk up to the looking glass and talk to the
other Alice. She's so silly, that Alice; she can't do anything
by herself. She just mocks me all the time. When I laugh,
she laughs, when I point my finger at her, she points her finger
at me, and when I stick my tongue out at her she sticks her
tongue out at me! Kitty has a twin too, haven't you darling?
[Alice goes to the mirror to show Kitty her twin.~\

Carroll

I'll have to write a book some day about Alice — Alice in
wonderland, " Child of the pure unclouded brow and dream-
ing eyes of wonder! " or, Alice through the looking glass!

Alice ,

Don't you wish sometimes you could go into looking-glass
house? See!

[Alice stands on an armchair and looks into the mirror.^
There's the room you can see through the glass ; it's just the
same as our living-room here, only the things go the other way.
I can see all of it — all but the bit just behind the fireplace.
Oh! I do wish I could see that bit! I want so much to know
if they've a fire there. You never can tell, you know, unless
our fire smokes. Then smoke comes up in that room too —
but that may be just to make it look as if they had a fire — just
to pretend they had. The books are something like our books,

[4]

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fi only the words go the wrong way. Won't there ever_be any mJ^
*i^ way of our getting through, uncle? v*^.!

Carroll
Do you think Kitty would find looking-glass milk digestible?

Alice

It doesn't sound awful good, does it; but I might leave her at
home. She's been into an awful lot of mischief today. She
found sister's knitting and chased the ball all over the garden
where sister was playing croquet with the neighbors. And I

:, ran and ran after the naughty little thing until I was all out

i of breath and so tired! I am tired.

[She yawns and makes herself comfortable in the arm-
chair.^

Carroll

^Xeplaces the playing cards on the mantel and consults his
watch.]
Take a nap. Yes, you have time before tea.

Alice
[Half asleep. 1
We're going to have mock turtle soup for supper! I heard
mamma tell the cook not to pepper it too much.

Carroll

What a funny little rabbit it is, nibbling all the time!

[He leans gently over the back of her chair, and seeing

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that she is going to sleep puts out the lamp light and leaves
the room. A red glow from the fireplace illumines ALICE.]
\^Dream music. A bluish light reveals the RED CHESS

Queen and the White Chess Queen in the mirror.^

Red Queen

[Points to Alice and says in a mysterious voice.^
There she is, let's call her over.

White Queen
Do you think she'll come?

ril call softly, Alice 1
Hist, Alice.
Alice 1

Red Queen

White Queen
Red Queen

White Queen
Hush — if she wakes and catches us —

Both Queens

Alice, come through into looking-glass house
[Their hands beckon her.~\

[6]

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Alice

[Rises^ and talks sleepily. The Queens disappear. ALICE *\^i
climbs from the arm of the chair to the back of another and so
on up to the mantel ledge, where she picks her way daintily
between the vases. ~\

T — don't — know — how — I — can — get — through. I've
tried — before — but the glass was hard — and I was afraid
of cutting — my fingers —

[^She feels the glass and is amazed to find it like gauze.^
Why, it's soft like gauze; it's turning into a sort of mist; why,
it's easy to get through! Why — why — I'm going through/

[She disappears.^

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SCENE TWO

[Is Scene One, reversed. The portieres are black and red
squares like a chessboard. A soft radiance follows the char-
acters mysteriously. As the curtain rises ALICE comes
through the looking glass; steps down, looks about in
wonderment and goes to see if there is a '' fire." The RED
Queen rises out of the grate and faces her haughtily .^

AUCE
Why, you're the Red Queen!

Red Queen

Of course I am! Where do you come from? And where are
you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your

y^ fingers!

[7]

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Alice

I only wanted to see what the looking glass was like. Perhaps \
I've lost my way.

Red Queen

I don't know what you mean by your way; all the ways about
here belong to me. Curtsey while you're thinking what to say.
It saves time.

Alice

I'll try it when I go home; the next time I'm a little late for
dinner.

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Red Queen

It's time for you to answer now; open your mouth a little
wider when you speak, and always say, ^' Your Majesty." I
suppose you don't want to lose your name?

No, indeed.

Alice

Red Queen

And yet I don't know, only think how convenient it would be
if you could manage to go home without it! For instance, if
the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would
call out ^' come here," and there she would have to leave off,
because there wouldn't be any name for her to call, and of
course you wouldn't have to go, you know.

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AUCE

That would never do, I'm sure; the governess would never
Wm think of excusing me from lessons for that. If she couldn't
Mi\ remember my name, she'd call me '^ Miss," as the servants do.

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Red Queen

Well, if she said " Miss," and didn't say anything more, of
course you'd miss your lessons. I dare say you can't even read
this book.

Alice

It's all in some language I don't know. Why, it's a looking-
glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the words
will all go the right way again.

Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

It seems very pretty, but it's rather hard to understand;
somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas — only I don't
exactly know what they are.

Red Queen

I daresay you don't know your geography either,
the map!

[9]

Look at

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[iSA^ /^y^^j a right angle course to the portieres and points \}^
to them with her sceptre.^

Alice

It's marked out just like a big chessboard. I wouldn't mind
being a pawn, though of course I should like to be a Red
Queen best.

Red Queen

That's easily managed. When you get to the eighth square
you'll be a Queen. It's a huge game of chess that's being
played — all over the world. Come on, we've got to run.
Faster, don't try to talk.

I can't.

Fasten faster.

Are we nearly there?

Alice

Red Queen

Alice

Red Queen

Nearly there! Why, we passed it ten minutes ago. Faster.
You may rest a little now.

[10]

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Alice

Why, I do believe we're in the same place,
as it was.

Everything's just

Red Queen
Of course it is, what would you have it?

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Alice

Well, in our country you'd generally get to somewhere else —
if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing.

Red Queen

A slow sort of country. Now here you see, it takes all the
running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want
to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as
that.

Alice

I'd rather not try, please! I'm quite content to stay here —
only I am so hot and thirsty.

Red Queen

I know what you'd like.

l^She takes a little box out of her pocket.^
Have a biscuit?

[Alice, not liking to refuse, curtseys as she takes the biscuit
and chokes.^

Red Queen

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While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measure-
ments.

[She takes a ribbon out of her pocket and measures the JM

map with //.] jfv*

At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions — U^

have another biscuit? j|[]

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Alice
No thank you, one's ^w//^ enough.

Red Queen

Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards I shall
repeat them — for fear of your forgetting them. At the end
of four, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I shall
go! That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that
Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to
the Queen of Hearts. But you make no remark?

Alice
I — I didn't know I had to make one

just then.

Red Queen

You should have said, " It's extremely kind of you to tell
me all this," however, we'll suppose it said. Four! Good-
bye ! Five !

[Red Queen vanishes in a gust of wind behind the por-
tieres. Rabbit music. WHITE RABBIT comes out of the fire-
place and walks about the room hurriedly. He wears a
checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in
the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiously.^

White Rabbit

Oh the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh! won't she be savage if
I've kept her waiting!

[13]

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Alice

IVe never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch! And
a waistcoat pocket! If you please, sir —

White Rabbit

Oh!

[He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by
way of the portieres in a gust of wind. ALICE picks up the
fan and playfully puts on the gloves. The portieres flap in the
breeze and a shawl flies /w.]

Alice

[Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then
meets the WHITE QUEEN.]
I'm very glad I happened to be in the way.

White Queen

[Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she
were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way,~\
Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter.

Alice
Am I addressing the White Queen?

White Queen

Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn't my notion of
the thing, at all.

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If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin,
ril do it as well as I can.

White Queen

But I don't want it done at all.
for the last two hours.

I've been a-dressing myself ^^|

Alice

Every single thing's crooked, and you're all over pins; may
I put your shawl straight for you?

White Queen

I don't know what's the matter with it! It's out of temper.
I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it there, but there's no
pleasing it.

Alice

It can't go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side,
and dear me, what a state your hair is in!

White Queen

The brush has got entangled in it! And I lost the comb
yesterday.

Alice

[Takes out the brush and arranges the QueEN'S hair.l^ You
look better now! But really you should have a lady's maid!

[IS]

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White Queen

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I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and
jam every other day.

Alice

tek

\_PVho cannot help laughing.^
I don't want you to hire me — and I don't care for jam.

White Queen
It's very good jam.

Alice
Well, I don't want any today, at any rate.

White Queen

You couldn't have it if you did want it. The rule is, jam
tomorrow and jam yesterday — but never jam today.

Alice
It must come sometimes to ^' jam today."

White Queen

No, it can't, it's jam every other day; today isn't any other
day, you know.

Alice

I don't understand you, it's dreadfully confusing!

[i6]

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White Queen

That's the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a
little giddy at first

Alice

Living backwards! I never heard of such a thing!

White Queen

But there's one great advantage in it — that one's memory
works both ways.

Alice

I'm sure mine only works one way. I can't remember things
before they happen.

White Queen
It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.

Alice
What sort of things do you remember best?

White Queen

Oh, things that happened the week after next. For instance

now:

[She sticks a large piece of plaster on her finger.]

There's the King's messenger — he's in prison being punished ;
jpj and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday; and of
!N! course the crime comes last of all.

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Alice
Suppose he never commits the crime?

White Queen

[Binding the plaster with ribbon.^
That would be all the better, wouldn't it?

Alice

Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn't be all
the better his being punished.

White Queen
You're wrong there, at any rate; were you ever punished?

Alice
Only for faults.

White Queen
And you were all the better for it, I know!

Alice

Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished for; that
makes all the difference.

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White Queen

But if you hadn't done them that would have been better still;
better and better and better!

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Alice
There's a mistake somewhere —

White Queen

[Screams like an engine whistle, and shakes her hand.]
Oh, Oh, Oh! My finger's bleeding. Oh, Oh, Oh!

Alice
What is the matter? Have you pricked your finger?

White Queen
I haven't pricked it yet — but I soon shall — Oh, Oh, Oh!

Alice
When do you expect to do it?

White Queen
When I fasten my shawl again ; the brooch will come undone
directly. Oh, Oh!

[Brooch flies open and she clutches it wildly.]

Alice
Take care! you're holding it all crooked!

White Queen

[Pricks her finger and smiles.]
That accounts for the bleeding, you see; now you understand
the way things happen here.

[19]

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§&r But why don't you scream now?

W — • !

White Queen

Why, IVe done all the screaming already. What would be
the good of having it all over again? Oh! it's time to run if
you want to stay in the same place! Come on!

[20]

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Alice

Wilf No, no! Not so fast! I'm getting dizzy 1 1

Faster, faster!

White Queen

Alice

Everything's black before my eyes!

[There is music, and the sound of rushing wind, and in the
darkness the WHITE QUEEN cries: '' Faster, faster " ; ALICE
gasps: ''I can't — please stop"; and the QUEEN replies:
^^ Then you canU stay in the same place. Fll have to drop you
behind. Faster — faster, good-bye.''^

SCENE THREE

When the curtain rises one sees nothing but odd black lanterns
with orange lights, hanging, presumably, from the sky.
The scene lights up slowly revealing ALICE seated on two
large cushions. She has been '' dropped behind " by the
White Queen and is dazed to find herself in a strange hall
with many peculiar doors and knobs too high to reach.

Alice

Oh! my head! Where am I? Oh dear, Oh dear!

\She staggers up and to her amazement finds herself
smaller than the table.]

[21]

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I've never been smaller than any table before! I've alw^ays
been able to reach the knobs! What a curious feeling. Oh!
Vm shrinking. It's the fan — the gloves!

[She throws them away, feels her head and measures
herself against table and doors.^
Ohl saved in time! But I never — never —

White Rabbit
Ohl my fan and gloves! Where are my —

Alice

Oh ! Mr. Rabbit — please help me out — I want to go home —
I w^ant to go home —

White Rabbit

Oh! the Duchess! Oh! my fur and whiskers! She'll get me
executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Oh! you have them!

AUCE
I'm sorry — you dropped them, you know —

White Rabbit

[Picks up fan and gloves and patters off.'\
She'll chop off your head!

If you please sir-
me how to get out

Auce

where am I? — won't
- I want to get out —

[22]

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White Rabbit

[^Looking at his watch.~\
Oh I my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting.

[A trap door gives way and RABBIT disappears. ALICE
dashes after only in time to have the trap door bang in her
face.~\

Alice

[Amazed.]
It's a rabbit-hole — Fm small enough to fit it tool If I shrink
any more it might end in my going out altogether like a
candle. I wonder what I would be like then! What does
the flame of a candle look like after the candle is blown out?
I've never seen such a thing!

HUMPTY DUMPTY

[Sits on the wall.]
Don't stand chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your
name and your business.

Alice
My name is Alice, but —

HUMPTY DUMPTY
It's a stupid name enough, what does it mean?

Alice
Must a name mean something?

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HUMPTY DUMPTY

Of course it must; my name means the shape I am — and a
good, handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours,
you might be any shape, almost.

Alice
You're Humpty Dumpty! Just like an t,gg.

HuMPTY Dumpty
It's very provoking, to be called an tg^ — very.

Alice

I said you looked like an tgg^ Sir, and some eggs are very
pretty, you know.

Humpty Dumpty
Some peopie have no more sense than a baby.

Alice
Why do you sit here all alone?

Humpty Dumpty

Why, because there's nobody with me. Did you think I didn't
know the answer to that? Ask another.

Alice

Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? That
wall's so very narrow.

[24]

:::u*.r.::-.::si'/j

HUMPTY DUMPTY

!;;;® What tremendously easy riddles you ask I Of course I don't

til

think so. Take a good look at me! Fm one that has spoken
to a king, I am; to show you Fm not proud, you may shake
hands with me!

[He leans forward to offer AlJCE his hand but she is toa >M},
small to reach it.^ j|p,<

However, this conversation is going on a little too fast; let's jfo^j
go back to the last remark but one. p^;

Alice
I'm afraid I can't remember it.

HUMPTY DUMPTY
In that case we start fresh, and it's my turn to choose a subject.

Alice ^

You talk about it just as if it were a game.

HUMPTY DUMPTY
So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?

Alice
Seven years and six months.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

^M Wrong! You never said a word about it. Now if you'd asked
i[^|| my advice, I'd have said, " Leave off at seven — but — ''

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Alice
I never ask advice about growing.

HUMPTY DUMPTY
Too proud?

Alice

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean
neither more nor less.

[26]

What a beautiful belt youVe got on. At least, a beautiful
cravat, I should have said — no, a belt, I mean — I beg your fei
pardon. If only I knew which was neck and which was waist.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

It is a — most — provoking — thing, when a person doesn't
know a cravat from a belt.

Alice

I know it's very ignorant of me.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. There's
glory for you.

Alice
I don't know what you mean by " glory."

HUMPTY DUMPTY

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Alice

The question is, whether you can make words mean different
things.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

The question is, which is to be master — that's all. Impen-
etrability! That's what I say!

Alice
Would you tell me, please, what that. means?

HUMPTY DUMPTY

I meant by " impenetrability " that we've had enough of that
subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what
you mean to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here
all the rest of your life.

Alice
That's a great deal to make one word mean.

HUMPTY DUMPTY-

^M When I make a word do a lot of work like that I always pay
^i it extra.

:v^i Alice

Oh!

i
I

...~«..,^*-./».-.,

5^»«r'*?'

aiice in KBonDetlanD

^^^^Mi.'ili':^^ ^"C^ in (L^Liunu^rmnu f;

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night, 'Mj(i
for to get their wages, you know. That's all — Good-bye.

Alice
Good-bye till we meet again.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

I shouldn't know you again, if we did meet, you're so exaqtly
like otner people.

Alice

The face is what one goes by, generally.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

That's just what I complain of. Your face is the same as
everybody has — the two eyes — so — nose in the middle,
mouth under. It's always the same. Now if you had the two
eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance — or the mouth
at the top — that would be some help.

Alice

It wouldn't look nice.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Wait till you've tried! Good-bye.
\^He disappears as he came.~\

[28]

m
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aiice in COonDerlanD

W!^

wm
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Alice

Oh ! I forgot to ask him how to —

[She tries to open the doors. They are all locked; she
begins to weep. She walks weeping to a high glass table and
sits down on its lower ledge. She sits on a big golden key and
picks it up in surprise. She tries it on all the doors but it
does not fit. She weeps and weeps — and Wonderland grows
dark to her in her despair. In the darkness she cries, '^ Oh!
Fm slipping! Oh, Oh! it's a lake; Oh! my tears! Fm float-
ing! '' A mysterious light shows a ** Drink me '^ sign around
a bottle on the top of the table. ALICE floats up to it panting,
and holding on to the edge of the table takes up the bottle. A^

Alice
It isn't marked poison.

[She sips at //•]
This is good! Tastes like cherry tart, custard, pineapple,
roast turkey, toffy and hot buttered toast — all together. Oh!
Oh! I'm letting out like a telescope.

[A mysterious light shows her lengthening out.^

[Music.']
But the lake is rising too. Oh! Oh! it's deep! I'm drowning.
Help, help, I'm drowning, I'm drowning in my tears!

Gryphon
Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh!

[The Gryphon^ a huge green creature with big glittering
wings, appears where HUMPTY DUMPTY had been and reaches
glittering claws over to grab and save ALICE.]

[29]

iii

(•••■•!i

fe"'S

ihi

'Hi

i
I

/j symbolic of a wet and rocky shore in, a weird green light.
The Mock Turtle is weeping dismally,

^ Gryphon * .

Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh.

i^ Mock Turtle

[Answers with his weeping.]

^ ' Gryphon

[Drags ALICE /i^.]
Drop your tears into the sea with his.

Alice

He sobs as if he had- a bone in his throat,
heart would break. W|iat is his sorrow?

^ Mock Turtle
Oh, Gryphon, it's terrible!

Gryphon

He sighs as if his

m
ii

if—..; I

It's all his fancy that. Mock Turtle hasn't got no sorrow^;^c- iptf"'
This here young lady, she wants for to know your history, i|3/
she do.

[30]

III

aiice in (DQonOetlanD

Mock Turtle

Sj-

When we were little, we went to school in the ^ea. The master
was an old Turtle : — we used to call him tortoise —

Alice
Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?

Mock Turtle

^1i We called him Tortoise because he taught us; really you are
^^1 very dull.

Gryphon

jjvv^j You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
ia question.^ Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!

[31] ■

/wM 111 tell it her. Sit down both of you, and don't speak a word fl
I \m till I've finished. ' • "

f^'-^'don't see how you can ever finish, if you don't b^gin^ '

Mock "Turtle .

Once^I was a real Turtle.

\_A long silence is broken only by the exclamations,
" Hjckrrk," of the GRYPHON and the heavy sobbing of the

Mock Turtle^]

Mock Turtle

I
I

1:— i»

• •"•Tl

^'^

aiice in COouDetlattD

[ii

Mock Turtle
Yes, we went to school in the sea, tho' you mayn't believe it

Alice

I never said I didn't.

You did.

Hold your tongue!

Mock Turtle

Gryphon

Mock Turtle

We had the best of educations — in fact, we went to school
every day.

h^^^^^^rr^rrf^y.

^^'''^'^'^^^!^

W\ fc^-'^vrl^ir^^

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ii

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aiice in caionoetlano

Alice

Certainly not!

Mock Turtle

Ah! Then yours wasn't a really good school. Now at ours
they had at the end of the bill, Frenchj music, and washing —

ill

H
jii

r.v. *

Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with,, and then the
different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction,
Uglification, and Derision.

Alice
I never heard of Uglification. What is it?

Gryphon

Never heard of uglifying! You know what to beautify is, I
suppose?

Alice
to — make — anything — prettier.

Gryphon

Well then, if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a
simpleton.

■ [34]

Mi Yes, it means

i
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I
I

Alice

What else had you to learn?

Mock Turtle ^^^

Well, there was Mystery; Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography, 4hen Drawling — the Drawlitig-master was an
old conger eel, that used to come once a week; whst$, he
taught us was Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in
jCoils.

What was that like?

Alice

Mock Turtle

Fm too stiff. And the

Well, I can't show it you, myself.
Gryphon never learned it.

Gryphon

Hadn't time; I went to the Classical master, though. He was
an old crab, he was. f

Mock Turtle

I never went to him; he taught Laughinj| and Grief^ they
used to say. ^

Gryphon

So he did, so he did.

i
pi

W^'-^^^^r4^^^^^^^^

aiice In COonDetlatiD

.'— J,

(3!

Alice
And how many hours a day did you do lessons?

Mock Turtle
Ten hours the first day, nine the jiext, and so on.

Alice
What a curious plan!

Gryphon

That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lessen
from day to day.

Alice
Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?

Mock Turtle
Of course it was.

Alice
And how did you manage on the twelfth?

Gryphon

That's enough about lessons, tell her something about the
games now.

[Mock Turtle sighs deeply, draws back of one flapper
across his eyes. He looks at ALICE and tries to speak but sobs
choke his voice.~\ ^ "

[36]

"'■•■.J

■i

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ii

Gryphon

[Punching him in the back.~\
Ipame as if he had a bone in his throat.

Mock Turtle

[With tears running down his cheeks.^
You may not have lived much under the sea —

gj I haven't.

Alice

Mock Turtle

And perhaps you were never even introduced to
lobster.

I once tasted

Alice
no, never!

Mock Turtle

So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster
Quadrille is.

Alice

No, indeed. What sort of a dance is it?

'■ax

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Mm '

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Gryphon
Why, you first form into a line along the seashore

[37] _^^^

Ml
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wif Two lines; seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when
W^ cleared all the jellyfish out of the way —

Gryphon
That generally takes some time.

» Mock Turtle
You advance twice— '

Gryphon
Each with a lobster as a partner.

Mock Turtle
Of ^course, advance twice, set to partners.

Gryphon
Change lobsters, and retire in same order.

Mock Turtle
Then you know, you throw the —

"Gryphon

you

i^i The lobsters!

Mock Turtle

i Asf

ar out to sea as you can —

[38]

fe^i^^^^^'' ' mitt in CiBonOctlanD/'^^

iii

■

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i

Gryphon
Swim after them ! .

Mock Turtle
Turn a somersault in the sea. ^

Gryphon >.

Change lobsters again!

Mock Turtle
Back to land again, and — that's all the first figure. '

.Alice .
It must be a very pretty dance.

Mock Turtle

Would you like to see a little of it?

"* Alice .

Very much indeed.

Mock Turtle'

Come, let's try the first figure. We can do it without lobsters,
you know; which shall sing?

Gryphon
Oh, you sing, I've forgotten the words.

. [39]

9li« in gBonOctlanO

\_Creatures solemnly dance round and round ALICE, tread-
W0^ /n^ on her toes, waving fore-paws to mark time while MOCK

^'^' Turtle sings,]

First ^Verse

" Will you walk a little faster! "said a whiting to a snail,
*' There^s a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on

my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join

the dance? .^ ^

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,^'iMiU you join the

dance? ^ '

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the

dance?

Second Verse

jPj " You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
i|3 When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters,

:r.'j

it
II

■ill

out

to sea!"
But the snail replied, "Too far, too far!" and gave a look

askance —
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join

the dance. > - ^ ^ •* .*/

Would not, could not, would not, could oot, would not join

the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, ^l^ould not join

the dance.

[40J

•r— -I.

aiice in (KBonOerlanD

\^The creatures dance against ALICE, pushing her back and W/f>M

fS^ forth between them. She protests and finally escapes; they
bump against each other. ^

■3\

Alice

Thank you; it's a very interesting dance to watch, and I do
so like that curious song about the whiting.

Mock Turtle
Oh, as to the whiting, they — you've seen them, of course? •

• Alice"

Yes, I've of ten seen them at din —
[^Checks herself hastily.^

Mock Turtle

I don't know where Din may be, biit if you've seen them so
often, of course you know what they're like.

Alice

I believe so, they have their tails in their mouths — and
they're all over crumbs.

Mock Turtle

• f.v.M

\}^^\ You're wrong about the crumbs, crumbs would all wash off
j^|! in the sea. But they have their tails in their mouths; and
l^^l the reason is —

fcvli

^ii:.i:ii^\^^jjjL^^ 11?: JS^lIijl?]^'^^

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fe

[Mock Turtle yawns and shuts his eyes.~\
Tell her about the reason and all that.

Gryphon

The reason is, that they would go with the lobsters to the b
dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall '
a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So
they couldn't get them out again. That's all. — .

Alice

Thank you, it's very interesting. I never knew so much about
a whiting before.

Gryphon

I can tell you more than that, if you like. Do you know
why it's called a whiting?

- Alice
I never thought about it. Why?

Gryphon

It does the boots and shoes.

Alice
Does the boots and shoes!

Gryphon

Why, what are your shoea done with? I mean, what makes
them so shiny?

[42]

If-

I
i

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P.V-

{r.v.-i

Alice
They're done with blacking, I believe.

Gryphon

Boots and shoes under the sea, are done with whiting. Now
you know.

Alice
And what are they made of?

Gryphon
Soles and eels, of course ; any shrimp could have told you that.

Alice

If I'd been the whiting, I'd have said to the porpoise, " Keep
back, please; we don't want you with us."

Mock Turtle

They were obliged to have him with them, no wise fish would
go anywhere without a porpoise.

Wouldn't it really?

Alice

Mock Turtle

Of course not; why if a fish came to me and told me he was
going a journey, I should say, " With what porpoise? " ^

. [43]

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Alice
Don't you mean purpose?

Mock Turtle
I mean what I say.

Gryphon

Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?/^ Or
would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?

[44]

CV«**".i~^'

aUce in (DQonDetlanD

m
m

Alice
Oh, a song please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind.

Gryphon

Uml No accounting for tastes! Sing her ** Turtle Soup,"
will you, old fellow?

Mock Turtle

\Sighs deeply and sometimes choked with sobs, sings.~\

'' Beautiful Soup, so rich and green.
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau — ootiful Soo — op.
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop,
Soo — oop of the e-e-evening.
Beautiful, beautiful Soup."

/ White Rabbit

[Enters, stretching out a red and white checked sash with

yp\ which he separates ALICE from the creatures.']
\M Check!

i^i Mock Turtle

jjf^j They won't let her stay in our square.

[45]

White Rabbit
The Queen is coming this way.

GrVphon

She'll chop our heads off. Come on; come on, lefs fly!

[The Mock Turtle and Gryphon grab Alice and
fly into the air.']

CURTAIN

[The Curtain rises to reveal small silhouettes of the

Gryphon, Mock Turtle, and Alice in an orange-colored

moon far away in the sky. Down below the WHITE RABBIT
is shouting to them, '' You II be safe in the March Harems
garden/']

CURTAIN

[46]

M'»«»''^'!'.''«'"r;w^^'v

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aiice in COonDeclanD '"'W^^^^^^^

ACT II
SCENE

SrXi

■'.1

II
ij

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TA^' March Hare's garden, showing part of the Duchess'
house. On a small platform there is a tea table, set with
many cups, continuing into wings to give impression of
limitless length. TA^ MARCH Hare, HatTER, and DOR-
MOUSE are crowded at one end. ALICE sits on the ground
where she has been dropped from the sky. Finding herself
not bruised she rises and approaches the table.

March Hare and Hatter
No room ! No room !

Alice

There's plenty of room!

[^She sits in a large armchair at one end of the table.^
I don't know who you are.

. March Hare

I am the March Hare, that's the Hatter, and this is the Dor-
mouse. Have some wine?

Alice'

I don't see any wine.

i^.

iii

if-., f

aiice in COonDetlanO

March Hare
There isn't any.

Alice
Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it. ^

March Hare
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited.

Alice

I didn't know it was your table; it's laid for a great many
more than three.

Hatter

Your hair wants cutting.

Alice
You should learn not to make personal remarks ; it's very rude.

Hatter
Why is a raven like a writing-desk?

Alice

M Come, we shall have some fun now I I'm glad you've begun
'0. asking riddles — I believe I can guess that.

ip March Hare

So you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?

[48]

pi
pi

IP
li

"^^^^^^0' Mitt in (DBonpetlanB '^^'^^^^^S^

S'^ Exactly so

Alice

March Hare

j'|J^ Then you should say what you mean.

i:::

I :-.::

Alice

I do; at least — at least I mean what I say — that's the same
thing, you know.

' Hatter

Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say
that ^' I see what I eat " is the same thing as, " I eat what
I see!"

March Hare

You might just as well say that '^ I like what I get," is the
same thing as '^ I get what I like."

^ Dormouse '^

You might just as well say that ^' I breathe when I sleep " is
the same thing as ^^ I sleep when I breathe."

i Hatter

It is the same thing with you.

[Takes out his watch, looks at it uneasily, shakes it, holds
it to his ear.~\

[49]

i$3

til

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11

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aiice in monHttlmn

mm.

What day of the month is it?

Alice
The fourth.

Hatter
Two days wrong. I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!

March Hare
I| was the best buttett ' ^

; ■ ^ Hatter ^

Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well; you shouldn't
have put it in with the bread-knife —

March Hare

[Takes the watch, looks at it gloomily, dips it into his
cup of tea and looks at it again but doesn't know what else
to say.^
It was the best butter, you know.

Alice

What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and
doesn't tell what o'clock it is.

.•

Hatter

m
m

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iii

Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?

aiice in (KOIonDetlanli

?^;,^??^;

Alice

Of course not, but that's because it stays the same year for such
a long time together.

Hatter

Which is just the case with mine.

I
I

ill

N
i

^ Alice

I don't quite understand you.v What you said had no sort of
meaning in it and yet it was certainly English,

Hatter

[Pouring some hot tea on the DORMOUSE'S nose.'l
The Dormouse is asleep again.

Dormouse

Of course, of course, just what I was going to remark my-
self.

Hatter

Have you guessed the riddle yet?

Alice
No, I give it up, what's the answer?

Hatter
I haven't the slightest idea.

I
pi
Pi

>--<«as.

SLHct tn (DSIonlietlanD

11
ill

1^.

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Nor I

ii
M
i
11.

March Hare

Alice

I think you might do something better with the time, than
wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers.

Hatter

If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about
wasting it. It's him.

Alice
I don't know what you mean.

Hatter
Of course you don't. I dare say you never even spoke to Time.

Alice

Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn
music.

Hatter

Ah, that accounts for it. He won't stand beating. Now, if
you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine
o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons. You'd
only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock
in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner.

[5=]

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IN

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fj/i?

Tf^v^.

ipijl^^^^'''' • aito in ffiaonoctlanp ^ '

iiTj)

«' I only wish it was.

ill

March Hare

Alice

That would be grand, certainly, but then — I shouldn't be
hungry for it, you know.

Hatter

Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it to half past one as
long as you liked.

Alice
Is that the way you manage?

Hatter

Not I, we quarreled last March — just before he went mad,
you know. It was at the great concert given by the Queen of
Hearts and I had to sing.

" Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at! "

You know the song, perhaps.

Alice
Fve heard something like it.

Dormouse
Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle — /

[53]

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III
■

Hatter

Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse when the Queen
bawled out, " He's murdering the timel Off with his head! "

How dreadfully savage!

Alice

Hatter

And ever since that, he won't do a thing I ask! It's always
six o'clock now.

Alice
Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here?

Hatter

Yes, that's it; it's always tea time, and we've no time to wash
the things between whiles.

Alice
Then you keep moving round, I suppose?

Hatter
Exactly so, as the things get used up.

Alice
But when you come to the beginning again?

[54]

m
i

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ill

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M
ifi

March Hare

Suppose we change the subject. I vote the young lady tells
us a story.

Alice

I'm afraid I don't know one.

March Hare and Hatter

Then the Dormouse shall. Wake up Dormouse.
[They pinch him on both sides at once.~\

Dormouse

[Opens his eyes slowly and says in a hoarse, feeble voice.^
I wasn't asleep, I heard every word you fellows were saying.

Tell us a story.
Yes, please do!

March Hare

Alice

Hatter

And be quick about it, or you'll be asleep again before it's
done.

Dormouse

Once upon a time there were three little sisters, and their

[55]

v*|f) names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie and they lived at the hot- j

V torn of a well

Alice

II What did they live on?

They lived on treacle.

Dormouse

[56].

ss^^s^^^m.

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Alice
They couldn^t have done that, you know, they'd have been ill. \

Dormouse
So they were,'i;^r}; ill.

Alice
But why di4 they live at the bottom of a well?^

March Hare
Take some more tea.

Alice
IVe had nothing yet, so I can't take more.

Hatter

You mean, you can't take less; it's very easy to take more than
nothing.

Alice

Nobody asked your opinion.

Hatter
Who's making personal remarks now?

Alice '

\IIelps herself to tea and bread and butter.^
Why did they live at the bottom of a well?

pi [57]

!&)!

«. ).

I
I

Dormouse

^Takes a minute or two to think.^
It was a treacle-Avell.

Alice
There's no such thing I

Hatter and March Hare

Sh! Sh!

Dormouse

If you can't be civil, youM better finish the story for your-
I self.

Alice

[Very humbly.^
No, please go on. I won't interrupt you again. I dare say
there may be one.

Dormouse

One, indeed ! And so these three little sisters — they were
learning to draw, you know x-

Alice

What did they draw?

m
m

Hatter: Your hair wants cutting.

aiice in Jaonoetlano

■.a

Hatter
I want a clean cup. Let's all mo^^ onejplace on.

[Hatter moves on, Dormouse takes his place, March

Hare takes Dormouse's place and Alice unwillingly takes

March Hare's place.] ' ^

Alice

I'm worse off than I was before. You've upset the milk jug
into your plate.

March Hare
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited.

^ Alice;'
Where did they draw the treacle from ?

Hatter

You can draw water out of a water well, so I should think
you could draw treacle out of a treacle well — eh, stupid?

Alice
But they were in the well.

Dormouse

Of course they were -well in. They were learning to draw *
and they drew all manner of things - everything that begins
with an M-— /

[59]

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aiice in caonDerlanO

Dormouse

\_fFakes with a little shriek and continues.^
— that begins with an M, such as mousetraps and the moon
and memory and muchness — you know you say things are-
" much of a muchness " — did you ever see such a thing as a
drawing of a muchness?

Hatter

Did you?

Alice
Really now you ask me, I don't think —

PI
W

Hatter

i|;\^ Then you shouldn't talk.

No!

I
I

li
m

March Hare

Alice

\^Rises and walks away.~\
You are very rude. It's the stupidest tea party I ever was at in
all my life —

[White Rabbit enters carrying a huge envelope with a
seal and crown on itJ]

March Hare and Hatter

No room ! no room !

[6i]

'f.v.vj

pi
ipsi

caionDetlanD

iiji.U4>Jl

'^gjg [Rabbit pays no attention to them but goes to the house and 'ii

W0^ ^^/>J loudly. A footman in livery with a round face and large
'''"{n ^y^^ ^ike a frog and powdered hair opens the doorJ\

w:::y

I
0^

ifa

i
i

White Rabbit

For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play cro-
quet.

Frog

From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play cro-
quet.

[White Rabbit hows and goes out.]

March Hare and Hatter

[To White Rabbit.]
No room! No room! No room!

[The Frog disappears into the house but leaves the door
open. There is a terrible din and many sauce pans fly out.]

March Hare

She's at it again.

Hatter

It's perfectly disgusting.

March Hare

Let's move on.

[The platform moves off with table, chairs, MARCH HarE,

[62]

?'<«'>;

f%^m Hatter, and Dormouse. Meanwhile the Frog has come out %^/4f^
'''"■'■^ again and is sitting near the closed door, staring stupidly at

the sky. Alice goes to the door timidly and knocks.^

Frog

There's no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons :
first, because Fm on the same side of the door as you are;
secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one
could possibly hear you.

Alice
Please then, how am I to get in?

Frog

There might be some sense in your knocking if we had the
door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might
knock, and I could let you out, you know.

How am I to get in?

Alice

Frog

I shall sit here, till tomorrow.

[^The door opens and a large plate skims out straight at the
Frog's head; it grazes his nose and breaks into pieces.^

[Frog acts as if nothing had happened.l^
Or next day, maybe.

[63]

2a ^ijav.U:»*^*>.'A

SLUtt in COonDerlanO

•-^

■

:H
ill

iii

How am I to get in?

Alice

Frog

Are you to get in at all? That's the first question, you know.

Alice

It's really dreadful the way all you creatures argue. It's
enough to drive one crazy.

Frog
I shall sit here, on and off, for days and days.

Alice
But what am I to do?

Frog

Anything you like.

[He begins to whistle.^

Alice
Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door?

Frog
Which door?

Alice
This door, of course!

I
ii

Pi
M

IN!

M
H

Jf-v.:;!

ij
ji!

Frog: I shall sit here till tomorrow.

%:^^^^^^^^^

^W^^^^^^''' ' aiice in caonDerlanD

[The F^OG looks at the door, and rubs his thumb on it to '^Jj^^
WM,'P see if the paint will come off.~\

Frog
To answer the door? What's it been asking for?

Alice
I don't know what you mean.

I
I

Pi
I

'■3

aUce in monoetlano

Frog

I speaks English, doesn't I? Or are you deaf? What did it
ask you?

Alice
Nothing! Fve been knocking at it.

Frog

Shouldn't do that — shouldn't do that, vexes it, you know.

[He kicks the door.~\
You let // alone, and itUl let you alone, you know.

Alice

Oh, there's no use talking to you —

[She starts to open the door just as the DuCHESS comes out
carrying a pig in baby^s clothes. She sneezes — FroG sneezes
and Alice sneezes.^

Duchess

If everybody minded her own business —
[She sneezes,^

Alice

It's pepper.

Duchess

Of course, my cook puts it in the soup.

[66] ,

fr.'/i;.,— »-frT

llA

aiice in (DQonQetlanD

Wi'J

Alice
There's certainly too much pepper in the soup.

Duchess

Sneeze then and get rid of it!

[Duchess begins to sing to the baby, giving it a violent
shake at the end of every line of the lullaby.^

" Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes;
[Frog and Alice sneeze.']

He only does it to annoy,

Because he knows it teases.
[Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes.]
I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
[Frog sneezes, ALICE sneezes.]

For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases! "
' [Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes. Duchess

gasps and gives a tremendous sneeze.]

Alice

Oh dear!

\^She jumps aside as kettles and pots come flying out of the
door. The Duchess pays no attention.]
What a cook to have!

\^She calls inside.]
Oh! please mind what you're doing!

[67:

.Hi
m

B
N

aitce in (DQonDetlanD

M
M

ill
ill

[Another pan comes out and almost hits the baby.']
Oh! there goes his precious nose!

Duchess

If everybody minded her own business, the world would go
round a deal faster than it does.

Alice

Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it
would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis —

Duchess
Talking of axes, chop off her head!

[The head of a grinning Cheshire cat appears in a tree
above a wall.]

Oh, what's that?
Cat, of course.

Alice

Duchess

Auce

Why does it grin like that?

Duchess
It's a Cheshire cat! and that's wh}^ [To baby.] Pig!

[68]

I'M Mill V!"!'.i ■'■'!(';■

p
u

IP
I

DuCHEiSb: i speaic severely ro my Duy,
I beat him when he sneezes.

^^ . ^v^,..w.'.^.~.^.... .-- . ..- ..J--...

Alice

ifl I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I
51 didn't know that cats could grin.

Duchess
They all can and most of 'em do.

Alice
I don't know of any that do.

Duchess

^1 You don't know much and that's a fact. Here, you may nurse

pi it a bit, if you like!

^§ [Flings the baby at ALICE.]

•^j I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen.

^j [She goes into the house.^

Alice

If I don't take this child away with me, they're sure to kill it
in a day or two. Cheshire Puss, would you tell me please,
which way I ought to walk from here?

Cat
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice
I don't much care where —

[69]

I
ill

C^onOetlanD

Cat

W^Il Then it doesn't matter which way you walk.

Alice

il^Jn So long as I get somewhere.

Cat

Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough.

Alice

Please, will you tell me what sort of people live about
here?

Cat
All mad people.

Alice
But I don't want to go among mad people.

Cat

Oh, you can't help that; we're all mad here. I'm mad. He's
mad. He's dreaming now, and what do you think he's dream-
ing about?

Alice

[Goes to the FroG to scrutinize his face.'\
Nobody could guess that.

[70]

'//'•'f/^i

ill

if...^i

Cat

Alice

Why, about you! And if he left off dreaming about you, \£4^^
where do you suppose youM be? |OT

Ii
1

Where I am now, of course.

Cat

Not you. You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing
in his dream; and you're mad too.

Alice
How do you know I'm mad?

Cat
You must be, or you wouldn't have come here.

Alice
How do you know that you're mad?

Cat
To begin with, a dog's not mad. You grant that?

Alice
I suppose so.

Cat

Well then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its

[71]

I
1

fcr.v

^1
i

&^"''

aitce in (DQonDetlanD

W^m tail when it's

fjj tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
^y wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.

Ill

Alice
I call it purring, not growling.

Cat

Call it what you like. Do you play croquet with the Queen
today?

[72]

pi
I

ij
p

I
m

iii
1

WLontietlmtt Z'*^

Alice

a^' I should like it very much, but I haven't been invited yet.

ja* You'll see me there.

fM [Vanishes.]

Cat

Alice

ir-vJ [To squirming baby.~\

^■^ Oh, dear, it's heavy and so ugly. Don't grunt — Oh — Oh —

Mt it's a — pig. Please Mr. Footman take it!

Frog

^^ [Rises with dignity, whistles and disappears into the house;

p a kettle comes bounding out. ALICE puts pig down and it

crawls off,]

Cat

[Appearing again.]
By-the-bye, what became of the baby?

!j:^^| It turned into a pig.

Ill

1^1 I thought it would.
iP [Vanishes.]

Alice

Cat

^:::^5G^£

auce in monDerlanO

•j} goes.]

[Frog comes out of the house with hedgehogs and flamin-

Cat

[Reappearing.]
Did you say pig, or fig?

Alice

I said pig; and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and van-
ishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy.

Cat

All right. [// vanishes slowly.]

[Frog puts flamingoes down and reenters house. While
■^fj Alice is examining the flamingoes curiously, TWEEDLEDUM
■^ and TWEEDLEDEE, each with an arm round the other's neck,
sidestep in and stand looking at ALICE.]

[Turns, sees
whispers.]
Tweedle — dee.

Dum!

Alice

them, starts in surprise and involuntarily
DUM

Dee

If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay.

[74]

ii
i

ill

fell

M
pi

I J. -.J I

ill
i

h
ill

I
III

tBT.
Nl

DUM

Contrariwise, if you think we're alive, you ought to speak.

Dee

The first thing in a visit is to say '' How d'ye do? " and shake
hands!

[The brothers give each other a hug, then hold out the two
hands that are free, to shake hands with her. ALICE does not
like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurt-
ing the other one's feelings; she takes hold of both hands at
once and they all dance round in a ring, quite naturally to
music, ^* Here we go round the mulberry bush."^

Alice
Would you tell me which road leads out of —

Dee

What shall I repeat to her?

DUM

The '' Walrus and the Carpenter " is the longest.
[Gives his brother an affectionate hug.^

Dee
The sun was shining —

Alice
If it's very long, would you please tell me first which road —

[75]

\>M\

lil

iNj

■

if "J I

jNi

alike in ^itonOetlanD

fll

HJ'

Dee
The moon was shining sulkily.

DUM

The sea was wet as wet could be —

Dee

O Oysters, come and walk with us
The Walrus did beseech —

DUM

{Looks at Dee.]

A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach —

Dee

{Looks at DUM.]

The eldest Oyster winked his eye
And shook his heavy head —

DUM

{Looks at Dee.]

Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster bed.

Dee

But four young Oysters hurried up
And yet another four —

[76]

^hJ<:Mi'"!f!.'!.'"«i'''!,'!'''""?l'^M8]Vffff

rrfj/ffe/^'":-'-.

m
m

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I
II

fa!

iii
ii

DUM

And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more —

Dee

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,

DUM

And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low,

Dee

And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

DUM

" A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
*' Is what we chiefly need.

Dee

Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

DUM

" But not on us I " the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.

aiice in monDetlanO

■M

£^^

ii!

Dee

" The night is fine," the Walrus said,
" Do you admire the view? "

DUM

The Carpenter said nothing but

" Cut us another slice.
I wish you were not quite so deaf —

IVe had to ask you twice! "

Dee

" It seems a shame/' the Walrus said,
^' To play them such a tricky

After weVe brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick! "

DUM

" O, Oysters," said the Carpenter,
^^ YouVe had a pleasant run!

Dee
Shall we be trotting home again? "

DUM
But answer came there none —

Dee
And this was scarcely odd, because

*-'^lLV''-'*^

Elice in CtSontietlanD

'.'J

li
ill

DUM

They'd eaten every

Dee

[Interrupts in a passion, pointing to a white rattle on the \0},
ground.^ Do you see that?

It's only a rattle

Alice

DUM

[Stamps wildly and tears his hair.^
I knew it was ! It's spoilt of course. My nice new rattle I
[To Dee.] You agree to have a battle?
[He collects sauce pans and pots.~\

Dee

[Picks up a sauce pan.] I suppose so. Let's fight till
dinner.

[They go out hand in hand.~\

Alice

[Hears music] I wonder what is going to happen next.

[She backs down stage respectfully as the KiNG and QUEEN
OF Hearts enter, followed by the KnAVE OF HEARTS carrying
the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and the WHITE
Rabbit and others. When they come opposite to ALICE they
stop and look at her.]

[The Duchess comes out of her house.]

[79]

Queen

[To the Knave.]
Wfi Who is this?

i
i

^ WMfi^fffvM

Knave

[jBoa«;j //{r^^ times, smiles and giggles,^

[80]

"•If

\*-'-\

sisr^^s

I
il

■«ti.'.' '. . i.'.j i.'.'..u.l.'J.!.lIjx!.lLUiLjJ.L;J^iAi',

^Mtt in (DQouDetlanO

yf'%

Queen

J<II'.'.!l'<!!

If*'

!i;® Idiot! What s your name, child?

m! Alice

ij:W My name is Alice, so please your Majesty.

'r3\

iNi

lv.:}l

Queen
Off with her head! Off —

Alice

Nonsense!

King
Consider, my dear, she is only a child.

Queen
Can you play croquet?

Alice
Yes.

Queen
Come on then. Get to your places. Where are the mallets?

Duchess

Here.

[The Frog appears with the flamingoes and hedgehogs.^

[8i]

, M

:^l

i
ill

i
id

Knave
Why she ; it's all her fancy, that. They never execute anyone.

Alice

What does one do?

Queen

Get to your places!

[She takes a flamingo, uses its neck as a mallet and a hedge-
hog as a ball. The FroG doubles himself into an arch. The
King does the same with the followers and the KNAVE offers
himself as an arch for ALICE. Even though ALICE does not
notice him he holds the arch position. The QUEEN shouts at
intervals, ''Off with his head, off with her head/']

Pk.

Alice
Where are the Chess Queens?

[82]

'■'■'J.

•fell

■

5!'

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iff''
rA\

•i

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EVii
igl

jh
III

f.V.J

Rabbit
Under sentence of execution.

Alice
What for?

Rabbit
Did you say, " what a pity " ?

Alice

No, I didn't. I don't think it's at all a pity. I said, '' What
for? "

Rabbit

They boxed the Queen's ears.

[Alice gives a little scream of laughter.']

Rabbit

Oh, hush I The Queen will hear you! You see they came
rather late and the Queen said — Oh dear, the Queen hears
me —

\^He hurries away.]

Alice

[^Noticing the KNAVE who still pretends to be an arch.]
How can you go on thinking so quietly, with your head down-
wards?

[83]

•#/i

:^!

Ii
Ni

t...j,

ii
pi

f— -j'

II
I

'^^'^^^^^'T^l^,^

aiice in monOetlanD

ill
i

Knave

What does it matter where my body happens to be? My mind
goes on working just the same. The fact of it is, the more
head downwards I am, the more I keep on inventing new
things.

King

Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came
through the wood?

Alice
Yes, I did; several thousand I should think.

King

Four thousand, two hundred and seven, that's the exact num-
ber. They couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two
of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the two
messengers, either.

What's the war about?

Alice

King

The red Chess King has the whole army against us but he
can't kill a man who has thirteen hearts.

[The Duchess, Queen, Frog, and followers go out. The
Knave and the Five-Spot, Seven-Spot, and Nine-Spot of
Hearts stand behind the KING.]

[84]

X3.\

Si
I

If""'!

ill

if-— )'»

f.'-'-A

m
■m

King: 1 only wish i had such eyes; to be able
to see Nobody!

aiice in (DQonDetlanO

King

Just look along the road and tell me if you can see either of
my messengers.

I see nobody on the road.

Alice

King

I only wish I had such eyes; to be able to see Nobody! And
at that distance too! Why, it's as much as I can do to see real
people, by this light.

Alice

I see somebody now! But he's coming very slowly — and
what curious attitudes he goes into — skipping up and down,
and wriggling like an eel.

King

Not at all, those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does
them when he's happy. I must have two messengers, you
know — to come and go. One to come and one to go.

I beg your pardon?

It isn't respectable to beg.

Alice

King

If •■•I

m
m

aUce in monDetlanD

Wi !

m
Pi

P
i

ill

ink

Alice

I only meant that I didn't understand. Why one to come and
one to go?

King

Don't I tell you? I must have two — to fetch and carry,
to fetch, and one to carry.

One

March Hare

[Efiters, pants for breath — waves
makes fearful faces at the KiNG.]

his hands about and

King

You alarm me I I feel faint
Another sandwich!

give me a ham sandwich.

March Hare
There's nothing but hay left now.

King
Hay, then. There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint.

Alice
I should think throwing cold water over you would be better.

King

I didn't say there was nothing better; I said there was nothing
like it.

[86]

aiice in mont^ttlmt^

'Vffjh

nil
ml
m

King
Who did you pass on the road?

March Hare
Nobody.

King

Quite right; this young lady saw him too. So of course No-
body walks slower than you.

March Hare
I do my best; I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do.

King

He can't do that; or else he'd have been here first. However,
now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened
in the town.

March Hare

I'll whisper it. ^

[Much to Alice's surprise, he shouts into the KiNG'S ear,']
They're at it again!

King

Do you call that a whisper? If you do such a thing again, I'll
have you buttered. It went through and through my head like
an earthquake. Give me details, quick!

[87]

ill

r.::i \

aiice in ([OonOerlanD

If
i

[The King ^w^ March Hare go out, followed by Five, j^
Seven, ^w^ Nine Spots.]

Duchess

[Rujis in and tucks her arm affectionately into ALICE'S.]
You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old
thing!

Oh I

Alice

Duchess

You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes
you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of
that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.

Perhaps it hasn't one.

AUCE

Duchess

Tut, tut, child! Everything's got a moral, if only you can find
it.

[Squeezes closely, digs her chin into ALICE'S shoulder,
and roughly drags ALICE along for a walk.^

Alice

The game's going on rather better now.

[88]

m
m

pp^Mei

^?^--..^v4#^^Tr'v>?;^

aifce in saionnetlanD

'r.r/K

Duchess

" Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that

'Tis so, and the moral of that is
makes the world go round ! "

Alice

Somebody said, that it's done by everybody minding their own
business.

Duchess

Ah, well! It means much the same thing, and the moral of
that is — " Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take
care of themselves."

Alice
How fond you are of finding morals in things.

Duchess

I daresay you're wondering why I don't put my arm round
your waist. The reason is, that I'm doubtful about the temper
of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?

He might bite.

Auce

Duchess

Very true ; flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral
of that is — '' Birds of a feather flock together."

[89J

I
■

i
PI

W^:i!«^''' ■ ailce in (oaonDetlanD '"' ""^^^m^m

V jy —

p
m

i
I

Alice
Only mustard isn't a bird.

Duchess
Right, as usual; what a clear way you have of putting things.

AUCE
It's a mineral, I think.

Duchess

Of course it is ; there's a large mustard mine near here. And
the moral of that is — " The more there is of mine, the less
there is of yours."

Alice
Oh I I know, it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.

Duchess

I quite agree with you, and the moral of that is — " Be what
you would seem to be; " or, if you'd like it put more simply,
" Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it
might appear to others that what you were or might have been
was not otherwise than what you had been would have ap-
peared to them to be otherwise."

X>,

W
i

i!
m

Alice

I think I should understand that better if I had it written M
down, but I can't quite follow it as you say it

[90]

111,,

That's nothing to what I could say if I chose.

Alice
Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that.

Duchess

Oh, don't talk about trouble; I make you a present of every-
thing I've said as yet.

Uhm!

Thinking again?

I've got a right to think.

Alice

Duchess

Alice

Duchess

Just about as much right as pigs have to fly, and the moral —

[The arm of the DuCHESS begins to tremble and her voice

dies down. The QUEEN OF HEARTS stands before them with

folded arms and frowning like a thunderstorm,']

Mi
I

11
I

I
pi

*^i^5#

SHiu in SiaionlietlanD

Queen
Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must
be off, and that in about half no time. Take your choice!
\^The Duchess t/oes meekly into the house.~\

Queen
Let's go on with the game.

[She goes off and shouts at intervals,
off with her head/^^

[92]

Off with his head;

"mmmmxm

r- - -J I

aiice in iDQonOerlanD

li
i

i
I

I
II

How are you getting on?

Cat

Alice

It's no use speaking to you till your ears have come. I don't
think they play at all fairly and they all quarrel so and they
don't seem to have any rules in particular. And you've no
idea hov^ confusing it is v^ith all the things alive; there's
the arch I've got to go through next w^alking about at the
other end of the ground — and I should have croqueted the
Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine
coming.

[Music begins.^

Cat
How do you like the Queen?

Alice

Not at all ; she's so extremely —

[The King, Queen and entire court enter. The QUEEN
is near to ALICE. The music stops and all look at ALICE ques-
tioningly.^

[Alice tries to propitiate the QUEEN.]
— likely to win,

[Music continues.^
that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.

[Queen smiles and passes ow.]

[93]

i
I

M
M

nl
'^^i

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ill

aiice in iDQanDerlanD

WM Who are you talking to?

King

fr::.

ill

l!-.v.1'

ill

It's a friend of mine
duce it.

Alice
a Cheshire Cat

King

allow me to intro-

I don't like the look of it at all; however, it may kiss my hand
if it likes.

I'd rather not.

Cat

King

Don't be impertinent and don't look at me like that.

Alice

A cat may look at a king. I've read that in some book, but I
don't remember where.

King

Well, it must be removed. My dear! I wish you would have
this cat removed.

Off with his head!

Queen
[94]

I
li

[Ullj.iilUl'>li ! ■iii'.'i'il'.ijj.',

!(v.J

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met in moitDetlanD ^'^'^l^Mil^^

jn:^,..;

m
m

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Knave

But you can't cut off a head unless there's a body to cut it off
from.

King
Anything that has a head can be beheaded.

Queen

If something isn't done about it in less than no time, I'll have
everybody executed, all round.

Alice
It belongs to the Duchess; you'd better ask her about it.

Duchess

It's a lie!

Cat

You'd better ask me. Do it if you can.

[// grins away. The DuCHESS and FrOG escape into
the house.^

Cut it off!

It's gone.

Queen

King

[95]

hi
Ni

ill

H
I

f^^^^^'^^f^.

auce in monOetlanD

Ij Everybody

It's gone ! It's gone I Where, where, where —

Queen
Cut it off. Cut them all off!

[^
e;

P
illj

No, no, no!

Save me, save me!

Everybody

Alice

Knave

\Shouts to Alice and gives her a tart for safety.^
Take a tart!

Queen

[^Seeing ALICE stand out a moment from the others.^
Cut hers off! Cut hers off!

Others

[Glad to distract Queen'S attention from themselves.]
Cut hers off, cut hers off, cut —

Alice

[Cries in fear and takes a quick bite at the tart. If there is
a trap door on the stage ALICE disappears down it, leaving the

C96]

i:::lt

{fcv.*

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If™?;

M
ii

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in MlonDetlanD

crowd circling around the hole screaming and amazed. If

flMp ^^^ stage has no trap door, a bridge is built across the footlights
\M\ with stairs leading down into the orchestra pit. When the
crowd is chasing ALICE she jumps over the footlights onto the
bridge and as the curtain is falling dividing her from the crowd
she appeals to the audience, *' Save me, save me, who will save
me? '' and runs down the stairs and disappears.^

CURTAIN

lii

Ml
Ni

1;!

ACT III

SCENE ONE

Is a garden of high, very conventional and artificial looking
flowers. On a large mushroom sits the CATERPILLAR smok-
ing a hookah, ALICE is whirling about trying to get her
equilibrium after her fall. She goes to the mushroom tim-
idly and, conscious of her size, for her chin reaches the top
of the mushroom, she gazes at the CATERPILLAR wonder-
ingly. He looks at her lazily and speaks in a languid
voice.']

Wno are you?

Caterpillar

Alice

I — I hardly know, sir, just at present. The Queen frightened
me so and I've had an awfully funny fall down a tunnel or a
sort of well. At least I know who I was when I got up this
morning, but I think I must have been changed several times
since then.

Caterpillar
What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.

[98]

p
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iv.-.vj

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aitce In jDQonDetlanli

f»

Alice

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself,
you see. Being so many different sizes in a day is very con-
fusing.

Caterpillar

You! Who are you?

ill

m
p

SLlict in axtonOetlanD

Alice
I think you ought to tell me who you are, first.

Caterpillar

Why?

\_As Alice turns away.]
Come back. I've something important to say.

[Alice comes back.]
Keep your temper.

Is that all?

No.

Alice

Caterpillar

^He puffs at the hookah in silence; finally takes it out of
his mouth and unfolds his arms.]
So you think you're changed, do you?

Alice
I'm afraid I am, Sir; I don't keep the same size.

Caterpillar
What size do you want to be?

Alice

I don't know. At least I've never been so small as a cater-
pillar.

[loo]

t'*^-.'.':':iif':nf:tttn^'^

aiice in (EOonDerlainti

Caterpillar

[Rears angrily. 1
It is a very good height indeed.

Alice

But I'm not used to it; I wish you wouldn't all be so easily
offended.

Caterpillar
You'll get used to it in time.

Alice

Are you too big or am I too small?

[She compares her height wonderingly with the tall
flowers.^

Caterpillar

[Looks at her sleepily, yamns, shakes himself, slides down
from the mushroom and crawls slowly away.~\
One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will
make you grow shorter.

Alice
One side of what? The other side of what?

e
ft

I
I

m
N

pi
iii

SLUtt in saiontietlans

^^^1 [Alice hesitates, then embraces mushroom and picks hit

§i0r /^o^ each side.]

\Three gardeners representing spades enter carrying
brushes and red paint cans.~\

Two-Spot

Look out now, Five. Don't go splashing paint over me like
that.

Five-Spot
I couldn't help it. Seven jogged my elbow.

Seven-Spot
That's right, Five, always lay the blame on others.

Five-Spot

You'd better not talk. I heard the Queen say only yesterday
you deserved to be beheaded.

Two-Spot
What for?

Seven-Spot
That's none of your business, Two.

Five-Spot

Yes, it is his business, and I'll tell him. It was for bringing
the cook tulip roots instead of onions.

[102]

m
m

1
li

aiice In ([OontietlanD

Seven-Spot

Well, of all the unjust things —

[Sees Alice; others look around, all how.~\

Alice

Could you please tell me what side to eat?
[Five and Seven look at Two.]

Two-Spot

I don't know anything about it.

[He paints a white rose, red.^
You ought to have been red, we put you in by mistake, and if
the Queen was to find it out we should all have our heads
cut off.

[A thumping is heard off stage and the music grows louder
and louder.^

Alice
What's that?

Five- Spot
The White Chess Queen.

Seven-Sjpot
Don't let her see what we are doing.

Two- Spot
She'll tell on us.

[103]

m
m

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Seven-Spot
Run out and stop her from coming here. \'f^

Five- Spot

[To Alice as she runs to the right.^
No, no^ the other way.

Alice
But she's off there!

Two-Spot
You can only meet her by walking the other way.

Alice
Oh! what nonsense.

All the Gardeners
Go the other way!

Alice

[Re-enters in dismay and dashes out to the left.^
She's running away from me.

[The White Queen backs in from right and ALICE backs
in from left. They meet. The gardeners cry '' The Queen "
and throw themselves flat upon the ground; their backs are
like the backs of the rest of the pack. Music stops. ALICE
looks at the QUEEN curiously.^

[104]

"^^^f ' met in monDerlanD

Alice

■^

Oh, there you are! Why, I'm just the size I was when I saw
you last.

White Queen

Of course you are, and who are these? I can't tell them by
their backs.

[She turns them over with her foot.]
Turn over. Ah ! I thought so ! Get up ! What have you been
doing here?

Two- Spot
May it please your Majesty, we were trying —

White Queen

[^Examines rose.]
I see! Begone, or I'll send the horses after you, and tell the
Queen of Hearts.

[Gardeners rush off. The Red Queen enters. Alice has

\M\ gone to the mushroom again to look at its sides and there to

ifVd} her amazement finds a gold crown and scepter, which she im-

jpj mediately appropriates. Music. The QUEENS watch ALICE.

|[v^ superciliously. ALICE puts on her crown, proudly exclaim-

jiv/^i ing in great elation, *' Queen Alice," and walks down stage

IM bowing right and left to the homage of imaginary subjects.

jf^ji She repeats as if scarcely daring to believe it true, '^ Queen

lE?! Alice." Music stops.]

P [los]

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aiice in iSEtonDetlano

mil

m
m
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Red Queen
Ridiculous! *

Alice
Isn't this the Eighth Square?

Red Queen

You can't be a Queen, you know, till you've passed the proper
examination.

White Queen
The sooner we begin it, the better.

Alice
Please, would you tell me —

Red Queen
Speak when you're spoken to.

Alice

But if everybody obeyed that rule, and if you only spoke
when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited
for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, so
that — \

Preposterous.

Red Queen

[io6]

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aitce in COonDetlanD

Alice
I only said " if."

Red Queen
She says she only said " if."

White Queen

\^Moan5 and wrings her hands.~\
But she said a great deal more than that. Ah, yes, so much
more than that.

Red Queen

So you did, you know; always speak the truth — think before
you speak — and write it down afterwards.

Alice

I'm sure I didn't mean —

Red Queen

That's just what I complained of. You should have meant!
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any mean-
ing? Even a joke should have some meaning — and a child's
more important than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that,
even if you tried with both hands.

Alice

I don't deny things with my hands.

[107]

v:^'

I
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aiice it! iJDQDttOerlanD

lijX.tJutjij.'

Red Queen
Nobody said you did. I said you couldn't if you tried.

White Queen

She's in that state of mind, that she wants to deny something —
only she doesn't know what to denyl

Red Queen

A nasty, vicious temper. I invite you to Alice's dinner party
this afternoon.

White Queen

And I invite you.

Alice

I didn't know I was to have a party at all; but if there is to
be one, I think I ought to invite the guests.

Red Queen

We gave you the opportunity of doing it, but I dare say youVe
not had many lessons in manners yet.

Alice

Manners are not taught in lessons; lessons teach you to do
sums, and things of that sort.

White Queen

Can you do addition? What's one and one and one and one
and one and one and one and one and one and one?

[io81

aUce in monUtlann

Alice

I don't know. I lost count.

Red Queen

She can't do addition; can you do subtraction? Take nine
from eight.

Alice
Nine from eight I can't, you know, but —

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White Queen

She can't do subtraction. Can you do division? Divide a
loaf by a knife — what's the answer to that?

I suppose

Alice

Red Queen

l^Answers for her.~\
Bread and butter, of course. Try another subtraction sum.
Take a bone from a dog; what remains?

Alice

The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it — and the
dog wouldn't remain; it would come to bite me — and I'm
sure I shouldn't remain.

[109]

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aitce in ^OonDetlanO

Red Queen
Then you think nothing would remain?

Alice
I'^m I think that's the answer.

Red Queen
Wrong as usual ; the dog's temper would remain.

Alice
But I don't see how —

Red Queen
Why, look here; the dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it?

Alice
Perhaps it would.

Red Queen
Then if the dog went away, its temper would remain!

Alice

They might go different ways! What dreadful nonsense we
are talking.

Both Queens

\m\ She can't do sums a bit!

^% — , —

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Alice
Can j'OM do sums?

White Queen

I can do addition, if you give me time — but I can't do sub-
traction under any circumstances.

Red Queen
Of course you know your A, B, C?

Alice
To be sure I do.

White Queen

So do I ; we'll often say it over together, dear. And I'll tell
you a secret — I can read words of one letter. Isn't that
grand? However, don't be discouraged. You'll come to it
in time.

Red Queen
Can you answer useful questions? How is bread made?

Alice
I know that/ You take some flour —

White Queen
Where do you pick the flower? In a garden or in the hedges?

[Ill]

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Alice
Well, it isn't picked at all. It's ground —

White Queen

How many acres of ground? You mustn't leave out so many
things.

Red Queen

Fan her head! She'll be feverish after so much thinking.

{They fan her with hunches of leaves which blow her hair
wildly.^

Please — please —

Alice

Red Queen

She's all right again nov^. Do you know^ languages? What's
the French for fiddle-de-dee?

Alice
Fiddle-de-dee's not English.

Red Queen
Who ever said it v^as?

Alice

If you tell me what language fiddle-de-dee is, I'll tell you the
French for it!

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Red Queen
Queens never make bargains!

Alice
I wish Queens never asked questions!

White Queen
Don't let us quarrel; what is the cause of lightning?

Alice

The cause of lightning is the thunder — no, no! I meant the
other way.

Red Queen

It's too late to correct it; when youVe once said a thing, that
fixes it, and you must take the consequences.

White Queen
We had such 3. thunderstorm next Tuesday, you can't think.

Red Queen

She never could, you know.

White Queen

Part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in —
and it went rolling round the room in great lumps — and
knocking over the tables and things — till I was so frightened,
I couldn't remember my own name!

[113]

B
Pi

PI
li

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rS^l

aiice in COonQetlanD

Alice

I never should try to remember my name in the middle of an
accident. Where would be the use of it?

Red Queen

You must excuse her. She means well, but she can't help say-
ing foolish things, as a general rule. She never was really well
brought up, but it's amazing how good tempered she is!
Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she'll be! A little
kindness and putting her hair in papers would do wonders
with her.

White Queen

[Gives a deep sigh and leans her head on ALICE'S shoul-
der.^
I am so sleepy!

ll-'-'L

■
Ii

I
ii

II
i

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Red Queen

She's tired, poor thing; smooth her hair
cap — and sing her a soothing lullaby.

Alice

lend her your night

I haven't got a night cap with me, and I don't know any sooth-
ing lullabies.

Red Queen

I must do it myself, then.

[114]

,1—7;

M
M

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ill

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Alice: Do wake up, you heavy things

r>rrrfff?^^^rTr^

aitce in iDQonDetlanD

Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap!
Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap ;
When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball —
Red Queen and White Queen and Alice and all!

And now you know the words,

[She puts her head on ALICE'S other shoulder.']
Just sing it through to me. I'm getting sleepy too.

[Both queens fall fast asleep and snore loudly.]

Alice

What am I to do? Take care of two Queens asleep at once?
Do wake up, you heavy things!

[All lights go out, leaving a mysterious glow on ALICE and
ip^ the queens.]

White Rabbit

j [Blows trumpet off stage.]

i||[ The trial's beginning!

ijJJ.'_._ijJ.'.'.Ll.X'.

-r^/?f^.

aUce in iCiElonOetlanD

I
IP

White Rabbit
YouVe got to be tried.

Alice
I don't want to be tried.

White Rabbit
YouVe got to be tried.

Alice
il I won't be tried — I won't — I won't!

I
II

pi
m

r...t

SCENE TWO

Is a court room suggesting playing cards. The jurymen are all
kinds of creatures. The KiNG and QUEEN OF HEARTS are
seated on the throne. The KNAVE is before them in chains.
The White Rabbit has a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll
of parchment in the other. In the middle of the court
stands a table with a large dish of tarts upon it.

White Rabbit

\^Blows three blasts on his trumpet.~\
Silence in the court!

Alice

[Watches jurymen writing busily on their slates.^
What are they doing? They can't have anything to put down
yet, before the trial's begun.

[ii6]

■

I
I!

:^3^-^

.^y^f aUce in JDBonDetlanD

Knave

They're putting down their names for fear they should forget
them before the end of the trial.

i
i

lE^

I
I

I
i

Stupid things!

Silence in the court!

Alice

White Rabbit

Jurors

\Write in chorus.^
Stupid things!

One Juror
How do you spell stupid?

Alice
A nice muddle their slates will be in before the trial's over.

Queen
There's a pencil squeaking. Cut it down!

Jurors

[In chorus as they write.~\
Squeaking —

[117]

k
Mi

aUce in (KaonDerlanD

King

[Wears a crown over his wig; puts on his spectacles as he
says.^
Herald, read the accusation!

White Rabbit

[Blows three blasts on his trumpet, unrolls parchment
scroll and reads to music.^

[ii8]

if.::

»— M

1-3!

I
N

The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

All on a summer day;
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!

King
Consider your verdict!

White Rabbit
Not yet, not yet; there's a great deal to come before that.

King
Call the first witness.

White Rabbit
First witness!

Hatter

\_Comes in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread
and butter in the other.^

I beg your pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in, but I
hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.

King
You ought to have finished; when did you begin?

Hatter

[Looks at the MARCH HarE, who follows him arm-in-arm

with the Dormouse.]

[119]

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m
k

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i

Fourteenth of March, I think it was.

March Hare
Fifteenth.

Dormouse
Sixteenth.

King
Write that down.

Jury
Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen — forty-five. Reduce that to shil-

lings —

Take off your hat.

It isn't mine.

Stolen/

Stolen!

King

Hatter

King

Jury

Hatter

I keep them to sell. IVe none of my own. I'm a hatter.

[120]

Jtii

m
w

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i
I

wAs

[Pw/j ow /j^r spectacles and stares at HaTTER, who fidgets
uncomfortably .^

Give your evidence and don't be nervous, or I'll have you exe-
cuted on the spot.

\The Hatter continues to shift nervously from one foot
to the other, looks uneasily at the QUEEN^ trembles so that he ^^
shakes off both of his shoes, and in his confusion bites a large jj^i^
piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter.^

Hatter
I'm a poor man, your Majesty, and I hadn't but just begun ^^j

<?■•■••

• r.".v«»

H
pi

my tea — not above a week or so — and what with the bread
and butter getting so thin — and the twinkling of the tea

King

The twinkling of what?

It began with the tea.

Hatter

King

Of course twinkling begins with a T. Do you take me for a
dunce? Go on!

[121]

I
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Ni
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aiice in COonDetlanti

Hatter

WM" I'm a poor man and most things twinkled after that
Wa\ the March Hare said —

m\ March Hare

You did.

I deny it.

Hatter

March Hare

King

Sm He denies it; leave out that part.

Queen

But what did the Dormouse say?

Hatter
That I can't remember.

King
You must remember or I'll have you executed.

Hatter

[Drops teacup and bread and butter and goes down on one
knee.~\

[122]

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^^0^^^^ ' ' Slice in (KaonOetlanO '' ' ''' ^^^^^^^^S^

U'm«< J—.~i^»-A •<'••••«'<•

....:.'..ijj..^,ftj.

'^M I'm a poor man, your Majesty.

m
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King
If that's all you know about it you may stand down.

Hatter
I can't go no lower; I'm on the floor as it is.

King
Then you may sit down.

Hatter
I'd rather finish my tea.

King

You may go.

[The Hatter goes out hurriedly, leaving one of his shoes
behind.~\

Queen

[Nonchalantly to an officer.^
And just take his head off outside.

[But the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could
get to the door.^

\M Call the next witness!

jii
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Jtvv V.

King

[123]

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White Rabbit

Next witness!

[The Duchess enters with a pepper pot, which she shakes
about. Everybody begins to sneeze, MARCH HarE sneezes
and rushes out.^

King
Give your evidence 1

Duchess
Shan't!

White Rabbit
Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness.

King

Well, if I must, I must. What does your cook say tarts are
made of?

Duchess

Pepper.

[The Duchess shakes the pot and the court sneezes.^

Dormouse

Treacle!

\^The Duchess shakes the pot at him. He sneezes for the
first time.l

[124]

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Queen

Collar the Dormouse! Behead the Dormouse! Turn that
Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off
with his whiskers!

[^The whole court is in confusion, turning the DORMOUSE
out, and while it is settling down again the DuCHESS disap-
pear s.~\

White Rabbit

The Duchess!

She's gone — she's gone.

Court

King

Never mind!

[/« a low tone to the QUEEN.]
Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It
quite makes my forehead ache! Call the next witness!

White Rabbit

[Fumbles with the parchment, then cries in a shrill little
voice.']
Alice!

Here!

i.^_.

Alice

[125]

V...I •

'Si

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II
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aiice in COonDetlanD

WM'^ What do you know about this business?

Alice

ij|J[ Nothing whatever.

11
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King

[To the jury.~\
That's very important.

White Rabbit
f/wimportant, your Majesty means, of course.

King

L^wimportant, of course I meant. Important — unimportant
— unimportant — important. Consider your verdict!

[Some of the jury write
unimportant/*^

important** and some write

White Rabbit

There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty; this
paper has just been picked up.

Queen

What's in it?

White Rabbit

[Fumbles with a huge envelope.~\

[126]

iBi

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aitce in ^OonDetlanD

If. .v.!

I haven't opened it yet, but it seems to be a letter, written by
the prisoner to — to somebody.

King

It must have been that unless it w^as v^ritten to nobody, w^hich
isn't usual, you know.

Alice

Who is it directed to?

White Rabbit

It isn't directed at all; in fact, there's nothing written on the
outside.

[^Takes out a tiny piece of paper. ^
It isn't a letter at all ; it's a set of verses.

Queen

Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?
[The jury brightens up.^

White Rabbit

[Looks at the KnAVE's hand. KNAVE hides his hand; the
chains rattle.^
No, they're not, and that's the queerest thing about it.

[The jury looks puzzled.^

King

He must have imitated somebody else's hand!

[127]

m
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aiice in lilonDetlano

fel

I'M/'

Knave

I' Please, your Majesty, I didn't write it and they can't prove I
did ; there's no name signed at the end.

King

:'l

If you didn't sign it that only makes the matter worse. You
must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
name like an honest man.

\^At this there is a general clapping of hands.~\

That proves his guilt.

Queen

Alice

It proves nothing of the sort ! Why, you don't even know what
they're about.

W\ Read them!

King

White Rabbit

l^Puts on his monocle.^ i

Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?

King

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end, then
stop.

[128]

• !-— |l

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White Rabbit

" They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him;
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.

*' I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.

" My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.

" Don't let him know she liked him best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest.
Between yourself and me."

King

That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet;

so now let the jury —

ft
Alice

If anyone of them can explain it, I'll give him sixpence. I
don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.

[129]

aitce in COonDerlanD

W
w

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i
^

Jury
She doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.

King

If there's no meaning in it, that saves a world of trouble, you
know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know.

[^Spreads out the verses on his knee and studies them.^
I seem to see some meaning after all. " Said I could not
swim." You can't swim, can you?

Knave

[Shakes his head sadly and points to his suit.^
Do I look like it?

King

All right, so far; "We know it to be true," that's the jury,
of course; " I gave her one, they gave him two" why that
must be what he did with the tarts, you know —

Alice
But it goes on " they all returned from him to youf'

King

[^Triumphantly pointing to the tarts.~\
Why, there they are! Nothing can be clearer than that.
Then again, " before she had this fit," you never had fits, my
dear, I think?

[130]

ii
m

H
11

PI
pi

aiice in monOetlanD

m Never!

Queen

I
I

m
M

King

Then the words don't fit you.

l^There is dead silence, while the KiNG looks around
IM\ ^h^ court with a smile.']

King

It's a pun!

[Everybody laughs. Music]

King
Let the jury consider their verdict.

Queen
No, no! Sentence first — verdict afterwards.

Stuff and nonsense!

[Furiously.]
Hold your tongue!

Alice

Queen

I won't!

'vJ^;,v;Vv»~— IBaK

V'>7,^>

aiice in laionoetlanli ' ''^'^r^^^^\^^^%

Off with her head!

Queen

ipyi Who cares for you?

Cut it off I

Alice

Queen

Alice

You're nothing but a pack of cards !

\_As lights go out and curtain falls all the characters hold
their positions as if petrified.^

CURTAIN

SCENE THREE

[The curtain rises to show ALICE still asleep in the arm-
chair, the fire in the grate suffusing her with its glowJ\

Carroll

1^^

\f-:.'\

Wake up, Alice, it is time for tea.

[Off stage the characters repeat their most characteristic
lines, '' Off with her head," "" Consider your verdict," "" Oh!
my fur and whiskers " ; the DuCHESS sneezes, the cat cries,

[132]

j^^

!/■! l/.ijj.u.'.'.i;)xL:uJiixi.L!jL::^j;v

W^^0^'' aiice in faonDerlanD

as if the characters were fading away into the pack of real )j

playing cards which shower through the mirror all over ALICE. 'Vtefji
There is music.^ '

Alice

[Wakes, rises, and looks about in surprise and wonder-
ment.^
Why it was a dream !

i^?|

I
li

Si
m

CURTAIN

[133]

RETURN CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT
TO>^ 202 Main Library

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AUTO DISC NOVOl 1«8

FORM NO. DD6

UNIVERSITY Oi
BERKEL.

II. <1%38

"fO'iKiiiy UBmiis

W*''^:^l-'-

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Full text of "Alice in Wonderland; a dramatization of Lewis Carroll's "Alice's adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the looking glass,""

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