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M ^ V I A D, 


Tota cohors taraen eft inimica, omnefque manipli 
Confenfu magno officiunt, curabitis, ut fit 
Vindifla gravior quam injuria : dignum erit ergo 
Declamatoris Mutinenfis corde Vagelli 
Cum duo crura habeas ofFendere tot caligatos. 





Cs <~\ .;*■ ,i \ 


&3 ^ 

T O 





July 15, 1797. THE AUTHOR. 




N 1785, a few Englifh of both fexes''', 
whom chance had jumbled together at Florence, 
took a fancy to while away their time in fcrib- 
bling high-flown panegyrics on themfelves ; and 
complimentary ** canxonnettas" on two or three 
Italianst, who underftood too little of the language 

* Among whom I find the names of Mrs. Piozzi, 
Mr. Greathead, Mr. Merry, Mr. Parfons, &c. 

f Mrs. Piozzi has fince publifhed a work on what 
fhe is pleafed to call British Synonimes; the 
better, I fuppofe, to enable thefe gentlemen to com- 
prehend her multifarious erudition. 

a 3 

C viii 2 
in which they were written, to be difgufted with 
them. In this there was not much harm ; nor, 
indeed, much good : but, as folly is progreffive, 
they foon wrought themfelves into an opinion that 
they really deferved the fine things which were 
mutually faid and fung of each other. 

Though ** no one better knows his own houfe** 
than I the vanity of this woman ; yet the idea of 
her undertaking fuch a work had never entered my 
head ; and I was thunderftruck when I firft faw it 
announced. To execute it with any tolerable de- 
gree of fuccefs, required a rare combination of 
talents, among the leaft of which may be numbered 
neatnefs of ftyle, acutenefs of perception, and a 
more than common accuracy of difcrimination ; and 
Mrs. Piozzi brought to the talk, a jargon long fince 
become proverbial for its vulgarity, an utter incapa- 
bility of defining a fingle term in the language, and 
juft as much Latin from a child's Syntax, as fufficed 
to expofe the ignorance fhe fo anxioufly labours to con- 
ceal. *' If fuch a one be fit to write on Synonimes, 
fpeak." Pignotti himfelf laughs in his fleeve; and 
his countrymen, long fince undeceived, prize the 
lady's talents at their true worth, 

Et centum Tales* curto centufle licentur. 
• Quere Thrales ? Printer's Devil. 

[ ix ] 

Thus perfuaded, they were unwilling their 
inimitable productions fhould be confined to 
the little circle that produced them ; they there- 
fore tranfmitted them hither ; and, as their 
friends were enjoined not to fhew them, they 
were firft handed about the town with great 
affiduity, and then fent to the prefs. 

A ftiort time before the period we fpeak of, 
a knot of fantastic coxcombs had fet up a daily 
paper called the World *. It was perfedly 
unintelligible, and therefore much read : it was 
equally lavifti of praife and abufe, (praife of 
what appeared in its own columns, and abufe of 
every thing that appeared elfewhere,) and as its 
condudlors were at once ignorant and conceited, 
they took upon them to diredl the taste of the 

• In this paper were given the earlieft fpecimens 
of thofe unqualified, and audacious attacks on all 
private chara6ler ; which the town firft fmiled at 
for their quamtnefs, then tolerated for their abfur- 
dity ; and now — that other papers equally wicked, 
and more intelligible, have ventured to imitate it, 
—will have to lament to the laft hour of Britifli 

C X 3 
town, by prefixing a fliort panegyric to every 
trifle which came before ihem. 

It is fcarcely neceflary to obferve that Yenda« 
and Laura Marias, and Tony Pafquins, have 
long claimed a prefcriptive right to infeft moft 
periodical publications : but as the Editors of 
them never pretended to criticife their harmlefs 
produdlions, they were merely read, laughed at, 
and forgotten. A paper, therefore, that intro- 
duced their trafli with hyperbolical encomiums, 
and called on the town to admire it, was an ac- 
quifition of the utmoft importance to thefe poor 
people, and naturally became the grand depofitory 
of their lucubrations. 

At this aufpicious period the firft cargo of poe- 
try arrived from Florence, and was given to the 
public though the medium of this favoured pa- 
per. There was a fpecious brilliancy in thefe ex- 
otics, which dazzled the native grubs, who had 
fcarce ever ventured beyond a flieep, and a crook, 
and a rofe-trce grove, with an oftentatious dif- 
play of " blue hills," and " cralhing torrents," 

and " petrifying funs !"* From admiration to 
imitation is but a ftep. Honeft Yenda tried his 
hand at a defcriptive ode, and fucceedcd be- 
yond his hopes ; Anna Matilda followed ; in a 

contagio labem 

Hanc dedit in plures, ficut grex totus in agris 
Unius fcabie cadit, et porrigine porci. 

* Here Mr. Parfons is pleafed to advance his far- 
thing rufli-light. " Crafhing torrents and petrify- 
ing funs are extremely ridiculous" — babes confiten- 
tem ! " but they are not to be found in the Florencis 
Mifcellany." Who faid they were ? But apropos 
of the Florence Mifcellany. Mr. Parfons fays I 
obtained a copy of it by a breach of confidence; and 
ftems to fancy, good man ! that I derived fome pro- 
digious advantage from it : yet I had written both the 
poems, and all the notes fave one, before I knew 
there was fuch a treafure in exiftence. He might 
have feen, if paffion had not rendered him as blind 
as a mill-horfe, that I conftantly allude to poems pub- 
lifhed feparately in the periodical fheets of the day, 
and afterwards collefted with great parade by Bell 
and others. I never looked into the Florence Mif- 
cellany but once ; and the only ufe I thenmade of it, 
was to extract a founding paffage from the odes of that 
deep-mouthed Theban, Bertie Greathead, Efqr. 

While the epidemic malady was fpreading 
from fool to fool, Delia Crufca came over, and 
immediately announced himfelf by a fonnet to 
Love. Anna Matilda wrote an incomparable 
piece of nonfenfe in praife of it ; and the two 
** great luminaries of the age," as Mr. Bell calls 
them, fell defperately in love* with each other. 

• The termination of this " everlafting" attachment 
was curious. When the genuine enthuliafm of the 
correfpondence (Preface to the Album) had con- 
tinued for fome time, Delia Crufca became impatient 
for a fight of his beloved, and Anna, in evil hour, 
confented to become vifible. What was the confe- 
quence ! 

Tafia places, audita places, Ji non 'videare 
Tota places, w&vXxoJi 'utdeare places. 

Mr. Bell, however, tells the ftory another way; 
and he is probably right. According to him, 
•* Chance alone procured him an interview." What- 
ever procured it, all the lovers of " true poetry", 
with Mrs. Piozzi at their head, expected wonders 
from it. The flame that burnt with fuch ardour, 
while the lady was yet unfeen, they hoped would 
blaze with unexampled brightnefs at the fight of the 
bewitching objefl. Such were their hopes. But 
what, as Dr. Johnfon gravely afks, are the hopes of 
man I or indeed of woman 1 — for this fatal meeting 

C xiii 3 
From that period not a day paffed without an 
amatory epiftle fraught with lightning and thun- 
der, et quicquid habent telorum armamentaria 

coeli. The fever turned to a frenzy : Laura 

Maria, Carlos, Orlando, Adelaide, and a thou- 
fand other namelefs names caught the infedlion ; 
and from one end of the kingdom* to the other, 
all was nonfenfe and Delia Crufca. 

put an end to the whole. Except a marvellous di- 
thyrambic which Delia Crufca wrote while the im- 
preflion was yet warm upon him, and which con- 
fequently gave a moft accurate account of it j nothing 
has fince appeared to the honour of Anna Matilda : 
and the " tenth mufe," the " angel," the " god- 
defs," has funk into an old woman ; with the com- 
forting reflection of having lifped love drains to an 
ungrateful fwain. 

non hie eft fermo pudicus 

In 'vetula, quoties lafcivum intervenit illud 

• Kingdom. This is a trifle. Heaven itfelf, if we 
may believe Mrs. Robinfon, took part in the general 

" When midft etherial fire 

Thou ftrik'ft thy Della Cruscan lyre. 

C xiv ] 
Even THEN, I waited with a patience which 
I can better account for, than excufe, for fome 
one (abler than myfelf) to ftep forth to corredl 
the growing depravity of the public tafte, and 
check the inundation of abfurdity that was burft- 
ing upon us from a thoufand fprings. As no 
one appeared, and as the evil grew every day 
more alarming (for now bed-ridden old women, 
and girls at their famplers, began to rave) I de- 
termined, without much confidence of fuccefs, 
to try what could be efFedled by my feeble 
powers ; and accordingly wrote the Following 

Round to catch the heavenly fong, 
Myriads of ivondering tenphs throng!" 

I almoft fliudder while I quote : but fo it ever is. 

Fools rufh in where angels fear to tread. 

And Merry had given an example of impious temerity, 
which this wretched woman was but too eager to 






Impune ergo mihi recitaverit ilU Sou iXTAtt 
Hie £ L z c o s ! 

^ When I look tound on tnan, and find 
how vain 
His paflions — 

F. Save us from this canting ftrain ! 
Why^ who will read it ? 


" O CURAS hominum ! O quantum eft in 
rebus inane! 
Quis leget haec? Min' tu iftud ais? Nemo, 
hercule. Nemo ? 

[ 2 ] 

p. Say 'ft thou this to me ? 
(2^ F. None, by my life. 

P. What, none ? Nay, two or three — 
F. No, no ; not one. *Tis fad j but— 

P. Sad ; but— Why ? 5 

Pity is infult here. I care not, I, 

Vel duo, vel nemo : turpe et miferabile. Quare ? 

* Cul non diSfus Hylas ? And who has not heard of 
James Bofvvell, Efq. f All the world knows (for all 
the world has it under his own hand) that this great 
man compofed a BALLAD in honour, of Mr. Pitt, 
with very little affiftance from Trufler, and lefs from 
Mr. Dibdin ; which he produced to the utter confu- 
fion of the Foxites, and fung at the Lord Mayor's 
table. This important <* (late paper" I have not 
been able to procure, thanKs to the fcombri, et quic- 
quid inept t amicittr' cbartis , out the terror and dif- 
may it occafioned amongfl the enemy, with a variety 
of other circumftances highly neceffary to be known, 
may be gathered from the following letter : 

To the Conductor of the World. 


The wafps of oppofition have been very 
bufy with my State Ballad, *< the Grocer of 

t 3 3 
^ Tho' * Bofwell, of a fong and fupper vaitij 
And Bell's whole choir (an ever-jingling train) ^ 

'' Ne mihi Polydamas & Troiades Labeoneiii 
Praetulerint : nugae. 


LoNDdN,'* and they are welcome. Priy let theni 
know that I am vain of a hafty compofition which has 
procured me large draughts of that popular applaufe 
in which I delight. Let me add, that there was cer- 
tainly no fervility on my part ; for I publicly declared 
in Guildhall, between the encores, " that this fame 
** Grocer had treated me arrogantly and ungratefully ; 
*' but that, from his great merit as a Minifter, I was 
'• compelled to fupport him !" 

The time will come, when I (hall have a proper 
opportunity tofhew, that in one inftance at leaft, the 
man has wanted wifdom. 

Atqui vultus erat multa & prseclara minantis. 

Poor Bozzy ! But I too threaten. — And is there need 
cf thy example, then, to convince me that on 

-our firmed refolutions 

The noifelefs and maudible foot of death 
Steals like a thief I 

B 2 


C 4 3 
In fplay-foot madrigals their pow'rs combine. 
To praife * Miles Andrews' verfe, and cenfure 
mine — lO 

* No, not a jot. Let the befotted town 
Beftow as fafhion prompts the laurel crown ; 

' • -Non, fi quid turbida Roma 

Elevet, accedas : examenve improbum in ilia 


• This gentleman, who has long been known as an 
indudrious paragraph-grinder to the morning papers, 
took it into his head fome time fince to try his hand 
at a Prologue. Having none of the ufual requifites 
for this bufinefs, he laboured to little purpofe ; till 
Dulnefs, whofe attention to her children is truly ma- 
ternal, fuggefted to him that unmeaning ribaldry and 
vulgarity might podibly be fubftituted for harmony, fpi- 
rit, tafte, and fenfe. — He caught at the hint, made the 
experiment, and fucceeded to a miracle. Since that 
period every play-wright, from O'KeefFe to Delia 
Crufca, " a heavy declenfion !" has been folicitous to 
preface his labours with a few lines of his manufac- 
turing, to excite and perpetuate the good humour of 
his audience. As the reader may probably not dif- 
like a fhort fpeciraen of Mr. Andrews's wonder- 
working poetry, I have fubjoined the following ex- 

C 5 3 
But do not Thou, who mak'ft a fair pretence 
To that beft boon of Heaven, Common Sense, 

Caftiges trutina : nee te quaefiveris extra. 


trafl from his laft and beft performance, his prologue 
to Lorenzo. 

*' Feg, cries fat Madam Dump, from Wap- 

ping "Wall, 
** I dont love plays no longer not at all, 
*• They're now fo vulgar, and begin fo foon, 
** None but low people dines till afternoon ; 
** Then they mean fummot, and the like o' that, 
*' And its impoffible to fit and chat. 
«* Give me the uppero, where folks come fo 

grand in, 
" And nobody need have no underftanding. 

" Ambizione ! del tiranno ! 

«* Piu forte, piu piano, a che fin — 

*' Zounds! here'smy warrant, and I will come in. 

«* Diavolo 1 who comes Piere to fo confound us ? 

** The conftables, to take you to the round- 

** Dc round-houfe, ? — Mi ! 
*' Now comes the dance, the demi charaftere, 
«' Chacone, the pas de deux, the here, the there ; 


C <5 ] 
^i Refign thy judgment to the rout, and pay I5 

Knee-worfliip to the idol of the day : 
For all are 

Nam Romae eft quis non ? ^ at, fi fas dicere : 
fed fas 


** And laft, the chief high-bounding on the 
loofe toe, 

Or pois'd like any Mercury, O che gafio ! 

And this was heard with applaufe I And this was 
read with delight i O fhame ! where is thy blufh i 

— :— morantur 
Pauci ridiculum efFugientem ex urbe pudorem.* 

• It is rightly obferved by Solomon that you may 
bray a fool in a mortar without making him wifer. 
ypon this principle 1 account for the ftationary ftu- 
pidity of Mr. Andrews ; whofe faculties, God help 
the while! do not feem a whit improved by the 
dreadful pounding he has received. Of him there- 
fore I waft my hands — but I would fain a(k Meffrs. 
Morton and Reynolds (the worthy followers of 
O'Kceffe, and thp preftnt fupportcrs of the Britifh 

C 7 ] 
F. What ? Speak freely ; let me know. 

P. ^ O might I ! durft I I Then but let p^ 

it go. 

Tunc, cum ad canitiem, et noftrum iftud vivere 

Afpexi, et nucibus facimus quaecunque reli<^is, 
Cumfapimuspatruos: tunc, tunc. Ignofcite. Nolo. 


Stage) whether it be abfohitely neceflary to introduce 
their Pieces with fuch ineffable nonfenfe as this 

Betty, it's come into my head 

Old maids grow crofs becaufe their cats are dead ; 

My governefs hath been in fuch a fufs 

About the death of our old tabby pufs. 

She wears black (lockings— ha ! ha ! what a pother, 

'Caufe one old cat's in mourning foi another *1 

If IT BE NOT — for common-fenfe* fake, Gentle- 
men fpare us the difgrace of it ; and O Heavens ! if 
IT BE — deign in mercy fometimes to apply to the 
Bellman, or the Grave-ftone cutter, that we may ftand 
a little chance of having our ribaldry and our dog- 
grel " with a difference. " 

* See THE WILL — A Bartholomew-fair farce by 
Mr. Reynolds. 


C 8 3 
Yet, when I view the follies that engage 
The full-grown children of this piping age ; 20 
Sec fnivelling Jerningham at fifty weep 
O'er love-lorn oxen and deferted (heep ; 
See Cowley * frifk it to one ding-dong chime. 
And weekly cuckold her poor fpoufe in rhyme ; 
See Thrale's grey widow with a fatchel roam, 25 
And bring in pomp laborious nothings home ; 
See Robinfon forget her ftate, and move 
On crutches tow'rds the grave, to t " Light o' 
Love i" 


• For the poetic amours of this lady, fee the Britifh 
Album, particularly the poem called the Interview ; 
of which, foit dit en paffant, I have a moft delegable 
talc to tell, when time fhall ferve. 

+ Light o' Love, that's a tune that goes 'without a 
burden. Shakespeare. 

J In the firfl editions of this and the following 
poem, I had overlooked Mr. Parfons, though an un- 
doubted Bavian. This nettled him. Ha ! quoth he, 
in the words of a well known writer, " Better be 
damn'dthan mentioned not at all." He accordingly 

C 9 3 

See Parfons ^ while all found advice he fcorns, 
Miftake two foft excrefcences for horns ; 30 

applied to me* (in a circuitous manner I confefs) and 
as a particular favour was finally admitted, in the 
fliape of a motto, into the title page of the Maeviad. 
Thefe w^cre the lines. 

May he who hates not CRUScA's/oA^rverfe, 
Love Merry's drunken profe, fo fmooth and 

terfe ; 
The fame may rake for fenfe in Parson's flcull. 
And (hear his hogs, poor fool ! and milk his 
The firfl diftich contains what Mr. Burke calls " high 
matter ;" andean only be understood by the initiated ; 
the fecond (would it had never been written !) inftead 
of gratifying the ambition of Mr. Parfons, as I 
fondly expefted, and quieting him for ever, had a 
moft fatal effefl upon his poor head, and from an ho- 
neft pains-taking gentleman converted him in ima- 
gination into a Minotaur. 

Continuo implevit falfis mugitibus urbem, 
Et faepe in laevi quasfivit cornua frontem. 

♦ Parsons 1 know, and this I heard him fay, 

Thitft QifFord's harmlcfs page before him lay, 
I too can LAUGH, Iwas the first beginner. 

Parsons of Himself, Teleg. March 19. 
Quatn multi faciunc quod Eros, fed lumine ficco, 
Pis major lachrymas rioet, et intushabet! 

C lo ] 
And butting all he meets, with aukward pains, 
Lay bare his forehead, and expofe his brains : 
I fcarce can rule my fpleen 

The Motto appeared on a Wednefday ; artd on the 
Saturday after, the morofoph Efte (who appears to 
have believed in the reality of the metamorphofis) 
publifhed the firft bellowings of Mr. Parfons, with 
the following introduftion : 


" The following spirited chastisement of 
the vulgar ignorance and malignity in queftion, was 
fent on Thurfday night — but by an accidental error 
in one of our clerks, or in the fervant delivering 
the copy at the office, it was unfortunately miflaid !" 

Why, this is as it fhould be ; — " the Gods take care 
of Cato!" Who fees not that they interfered, and 
by conveying the copy out of the compofitor's way, 
procured the Author of the Maeviad two comfor- 
table nights ! But to the " fpiritedchaftifement. " 

** Nor wool the pig, nor milk the bull produces." 

The profundity of the laft obfervation, by the 
bye, proves Mr. Parfons to be an accurate obferver 
of nature: and if the three Iriflimen who went nine 
miles to fuck a bull, and came back a-dry, had 
fortunately had the honour of his acquaintance, we 

r " 3 

F. Forbear, forbear: 
And what the great delight in learn to fpare. 


fliould probably have heard nothing of their far- 
famed expedition. 

** Nor wool the pig, nor milk the bull produces, 
** Yet each has fomething for far different ufes : 
^* For boars, pardie! have tuflcs, and bulls hav6 

*' HORNS." 

H, Ne/AECJ? St Komuv tyfOf^xTo <I>J1NAN, 

for from that hour fcarce a week, or indeed a 
day, elapfed, in which Mr. Parfons did not make 
himfelf ridiculous, by threatening me in the Tele- 
graph, the Oracle, &c. with thofe formidable non- 

Well and wifely fingeth the poet : — Non unus mentes 
agit at furor. Yet while I give an involuntary fmile 
to the oddity of Mr. Parfons' difeafe, I cannot but 
lament that his friends (and a gentleman who is faid 
to belong to more clubs than Sir Watkin Lewis, 
muft needs have friends) I cannot, I fay, but la- 
inent that on the firft appearance of thofe knobs, 
thofe '< excrefcences, "as I call them, his friends did 
not have him cut for the fimples ! 

C I* 3 

'P. It muft not, cannot be ; for I was 
born 35 

To brand obtrufive ignorance with fcorn ; 
On bloated pedantry to pour my rage. 
And hifs prepofterous fuftian from the ftage. 
Lo, Della Crusca*! in his clofet pent. 
He toils to give the crude conception vent. 40 

* Quid faciam ? fed fum petulanti fplene cachinno, 
Scribimus incluli, numeros ille, hie pede liber, 


• Lo, Della Crusca I 

" O thou, to whom fuperior worth's allied, 

" Thy Country's honour, and the Mufes pride — ♦» 

So fays Laura Maria— 

et folem quis dicere falfum 
Audeat ? 

Indeed (he" fays a great deal more ; but as I do not 
underhand it, I forbear to lengthen my quotation. 

Innumerable Odes, Sonnets, &c. publifhed from 
time to time in the papers, have juftly procured this 
gentleman the reputation of the firft poet of the age : 
but the performance which called forth the high- 
founding panegyric above mentioned, is a philofo- 

C 13 3 
Abortive thoughts that right and wrong confound, 
Truth facrific'd to letters, fenfe to found ; 

Grande aliquid, quod pulmo animae praelargus 
anhelet : 


phical rhapfody on the French Revolution, called the 
Wreath of Liberty. 

Of this poem no reader (fro'vided he can read) is 
at this time ignorant: but as there are various opi- 
nions concerning it, and as I do not choofe perhaps 
to difpute with a lady of Mrs R — 's critical abilities, 
I (hall felefl a few paflages from it, and leave the 
world to judge how truly its author can be faid 
to be 

" gifted with the facred lyre, 

♦* Whofe founds can more than mortal thoughts 

This fupernatural effort of genius, then, is chiefly 
diftinguiftied by three very prominent features. — ■ 
1. Downright nonfenfe. 2. Downright frigidity. 
3. Downright doggrel. — Of each of thefe in its turn : 
and firft of the firll. 

Hang o'er his eye the goffamery tear. 
Wreath round her airy harp the tim'rous joy. 
A web-work of defpair, a mafs of woes. 
And o'er my lids the fcalding tumour roll. 

t 14 3 
Falfe glare, incongruous images, combine ; 
And noife and nonfenfe clatter through the line. 

' Scilicet haec populo, pexufque togaque recentij 


** Tumour, a morbid fwelling." Johnson. An 
excellent thing to roll over an eye, efpecially if it 
happen to be hot and hot, as in the prefent cafe. 

fummer-tints begemm'd the fcene. 

And filky ocean flept in glofly green. 

While air's noflurnal ghoft, in paly Hiroud, 
Glances with griefly glare from cloud to cloud. 

And gauzy zephyrs, fluttring o'er the plain, 
On twilight's bofom drop their filmy rain. 

Unus inftar omnium ! This couplet ftaggered me, 
I fhould be loth to be found correcting a madman ; 
and yet mere folly feems unequal to the produ6lion 
of fuch exquifite nonfenfe. 


days of old 
Their perifh'd, proudeft, pageantry unfold. 

nothing I defcry. 

But the bare boaft of barren heraldry. 

the huntrefs queen. 

Showers her (hafts of filver o'er the fcene. 
To thefe add, moody monarchs, radiant rivers, 
cooling cataraas, lazy loires (of which, by the bye, 

C 15 3 
"Tis done. Her houfe the generous Piozxi 
lends, 45 

Et natalitia tandem cum fardonyche albus, 


there are none), gay garonnes, gloomy glafs, mingling 
murder, dauntlefs day, lettered lightnings, delicious 
dilatings, finking forrows, rich reafonings, melio- 
rating mercies, dewy vapours damp that fweep the 
filent fwamp ; and a world of others, to be found in 
the compafs of half a dozen pages. 

In phofphor blaze of genealogic line. 
N. B. Written to " the turning of a brazen candle 

O better were it ever to be loft 

In black negation's lea, than reach the coaft. 

This couplet may be placed to advantage under the 
firft head. 

Should the zeal of parliament be empty words. 

turn to France, and fee 

Four million men in arms for liberty. 

doom for a breath 

A hundred reafoning hecatombs to death. 

C x6 3 

**^ And thither fummons her blue-ftocking friends ; 
\j)^\ ^ 1 The fummons her blue-ftocking friends obey, \ \| 

\^ ^yf^ J Lur'd by the love of Poetry — and Tea. 

^ - .. 

'^'\fy\ • The Bard fteps forth in birth-day fplendour 
y^ ^ His right hand graceful waving o'er his breaft ; 50 
w'^j.C' -^ His left extending, fo that all might fee, 

"^ A roll infcrib'd " The Wbeath of Li- 


Sede legens celfa, liquido cum plafmate guttur 
Mobile collueris, patranti fradtus ocello, 


A hecatomb is a facrifice of a hundred head of 
oxen. Where did this gentleman hear of their rea- 
Joning ? 

Awhile I'll ruminate on time and fate ; 
And the mofl: probable event of things . 

EuCE, MAGKB POETA ! Well may Laura Maria 

That Genius glows in every claflic line, 
And Nature di<^ates— every thing that's 

C 17 ] 
So forth he fteps, and with complacent air, 
Bows round the circle, and aflumes the chair : 
With lemonade he gargles firft his throat, 55 
Then fweetly preludes to the liquid note : 
2 And now 'tis filence all. Genius or muse* — 
Thus while the flowry fubjedl he purfues, 
A wild delirium round th' affembly flies ; 
Unufual luftre flioots from Emma's eyes ; 60 

Luxurious Arno drivels as he ftands ; 
And Anna friflcs, and Laura claps her hands. 

8 Hie neque more probo videas, neque voce ferena 
Ingentes trepidare Titos, cum carmina lumbum 


• Genius or Muse, whoe'er thou art, whofe 

Exalts the fancy, and inflames the will, 
Bids o'er the heart fublime fenfation roll. 
And wakes ecftatic fervour in the foul. 

See the commencement of the Wreath of Liberty, 
where our great poet, with a dexterity peculiar to 
himfelf, has contrived to fill feveral quarto pages 
without a fingle idea. 



C i8 3 
* O wretched man ! And dost thou toil to 
V - At this late hour* fuch prurient ears as thefe ? 

Is thy poor pride contented to receive 65 

Such tranfitory fame as fools can give r 
Fools who unconfcious of the critic's laws. 
Rain in fuch (how'rs their indistinft applaufe. 
That Thou, even Thou, who liv'st upon re- 
' ' nown, 

And with eternal puffs infult'st the town, 70 

Intrant, et tremulo fcalpuntur ubi intima verfu. 
^ Tun' vetule auriculis alienis colligis efcas ? 
Auriculis quibus et dicas cute perditus ohe ! 


• I learn from Delia Crufca's lamentations that he 
is declined into the vale of years j that the women 
fay to him, as they formerly faid to Anacreon, Tifutu* 
and that Love, about two years fince, 

** tore his name from his bright page, 

And gave it to approaching age." 

C 19 3 

l^s^ Art forc'd at length to check the idiot roar. 

And cr}', ** For heaven's fweet fake, no more, no 

" more !" 
" But why (thou fay 'ft) why am I leam'd, why ■ 

" fraught '\J\/' p^ 

" With all the priest and all the fage have 

** If the huge mafs, within my bofom pent, 75 
** Muft ftruggle there, defpairing of a vent ?" 
^Thou learn'd! Alas, for Learning! She is 

And hast thou dimm'd thy eyes, and rack'd thy 

And broke thy reft for this, for this alone ? 
And is thy knowledge nothing if not known ? 80 

Quo didicifle, nifi hoc fermentum, et quae femel 

Innata eft, rupto jecore exierit caprificus ? 
En pallor, feniumque. * O mores ! ufque adeone 
Scire tuum, nihil est, nifi te fcire hoc, fciat alter ? 
C 2 


O fool, fool, fool !— k But ftill, thou crieft, *tis 
ri To hear " That's He !" from every one we 

meet ; 
That's he whom critic Bell declares divine, 
For whom the fair diurnal laurels twine ; 
». i Whom Magazines, Reviews, confpire to praife, 85 

And Greathead calls the Homer of our days. 

F. And is it nothing, then, to hear our name 
Thus blazon'd by the general voice of 
fame ? 
P. Nay, it were every thing, did that dif- 
\! N| penfe 

The fober verdifl found by tafte and fenfe. 90 
But mark our jury. O'er the flowing bowl, 
When wine has drown'd all energy of foul, 

^ At pulchrum eft digito monftrari, et dicier. Hie 

Ten cirratorum centum didata fuifle 
Pro nihilo pendes ? Ecce inter pocula quaerunt 
Romulidae faturi, quid dia poemata narrent. 

C 21 ] 

Ere Faro comes (a dreary interval !) 

For fome fond faftiionable lay they call. ^ / 

Here the fpruce enfign, tottering on his chair, 95 

With lifping accent, and afFeded air, 

Recounts the wayward fate* of that poor poet, 

Who born for anguifti, and difpos'd to fhew It, 

Hie aliquis, cui circum humeros hyacinthina 

laena eft, 
Rancidulum quiddam balba de nare locutus, 


• Recounts the wayward fate. — In the Interview 
(fee the Britifti Album) the lover finding his miftrefs 
inexorable, comforts himfelf, and juftifies her, by 
boafting how well he can play the fool. And never 
did Don Quixote exhibit half fo many extravagant 
tricks in the Sierra Morena, for the beaux yeux of 
his Dulcinea, as our diftrafled amorofo threatens to 
perform for the no lefs beautiful ones of Anna Ma- 

" Yes, I will prove that I deferve my fate. 
Was born for anguifli, and was form'd for hate j 
"With fuch tranfcendent woe will breathe my 

** That envying fiends fhall think it ecftafy," &c. 




C " 3 
Did yet fo aukwardly his means employ. 
That gaping fiends mistook his grief for joy. loo 

Lost in amaze at language fo divine, 
The audience hiccup, and exclaim, " Damn'd 

fine !" 
And are not now the author's aflies blest ? 
Now lies the turf not lightly on his breast ? 
Po not fweet violets now around him bloom ? 1 05 
Laurels now burst fpontaneous fronts his tomb. 

F. This is mere mockery : and (in your car) 
Reafon is ill refuted by a fneer. 
Is praife an evil ? Is there to be found 
One fo indifierent to its foothing found, up 

As not to wifh hereafter to be known. 
And make a long futurity his own ; 
Rather than — 

P. — With 'Squire Jerningham defcend 
To pastry-cooks and moths, " and there an 

end !" 

Phyllidas, Hypfipylas, vatum et plorabile fi quid 
Eliquat, et tenero fupplantat verba palato. 

C 23 ] 

* O thou that deign'st this homely fcene to 
fliare, 115 

Thou know'st when chance {tho' this indeed be 
rare *J 

Affenfere viri. Nunc non cinis ille poetae 
Felix ? non levior cippus nunc imprimit offa ? 
Laudant convivae nunc non e manibus illis. 
Nunc non e tumulo, fortunataque favilla. 
^ Quifquis es, O, modo quern ex adverfo dicere feci, 
Non ego, cum fcribo, fi forte quid aptius exit, 
Quando hoc rara avis eft, fi quid tamen aputius 

Laudari metuam ; nequeenim mihi cornea fibraeft: 
Sed redti finemque extremumque effe rccufo 


* To fee how a Crufcan can blunder ! Mr. Par- 
fons thus politely comments on this unfortunate he- 

*• Thou lowefl; of the imitating race, 

** Thou imp of fatire, and thou foul difgrace ; 

«* Who calleft each coarfe phrafe a lucky hit, &c." 


C »4 ] 
With random gleams of wit has grac'd my lays, 
Thou know'ft too well how I have reUTh'd praife. 
Not mine the foul that pants not after fame — 
Ambitious of a poet's envied name, 1 20 

I haunt the facred fount, athirft to prove 
The grateful influence of the ftream I love. 
And yet, my friend (though ftill at praife be- 

Mine eye has gliften'd, and my cheek has 


Nafcentur violae ? Rides, ait, et nimis uncis 
Naribus indulges : an erit, qui velle recufet 
Os populi meruifl!e ; et cedro digna locutus, 
Linquere nee fcombros metuentia carmina, nee 
thus ? 


Alas! no: I call few of them fo. But this is of 
a piece with his qui-pro-qub on the preface to the 
Maeviad — where, on my faying I had laid the poem 
afide for two years, he exultingly exclaims, " Soh ! 
it was two years in hand then !" 

Mr. P. is highly celebrated, I am told, for his 
fkill in driving a bargain : it is to be prefumed he 
does it with his fpe£tacles on I 

X »5 3 
Yet when I prostitute the lyre to gain 1 25 

The eulogies that wait each modifti strain, 
May the fweet Mufe my groveling hopes with- 
And tear the strings indignant from my hand ; 
Nor think that, while my verfe too much I prixe. 
Too much th' applaufe of fafhion I defpife ; 130 
For mark to what 'tis given, and then declare. 
Mean tho' I am, if it be worth my care. 
Is it not given to Este's unmeaning da(h. 
To Topham's fustian, Colman's flippant trafh. 
To Andrews'* doggrel — where three wits com-' 
bine 135 

To Morton's catch- word t, Greathead's ideot line, r 
And Holcroft's Shug-lane cant, and Merry's I 
Moorfields whine :J:. J 

Euge tuum, & belle; nam belle hoc, excute 


• Andrews. — Such is the reputation this gentleman 
has obtained for Epilogue writing, that the minor 

C 26 ] 
" Skill'd in one ufeful fcience at the leaff, 
The great man comes, and fpreads a fumptuous 
feast : 

Quid non intus habet ? Non hie est I lias Atti 
Ebria veratro ; non fi qua elegidia crudi 
Di6tarunt proceres ; non quidquid denique led^is 
" Scribitur in citreis : calidum fcis ponere fumen, 
Scis comitem horridulum trita donate lacerna : 
Et verum, iniquis, amo ; verum mihi dicite de me. 
Qui pote ? vis dicam ? nugaris— — 


poets of the day, defpairing of emulating, are now 
only folicitous of afllfting him — happy if they can ob- 
tain admiflion for a couplet or two into the body of his 
immortal works, and thus fecure to themfelves a fmall 
portion of that popular applaufe fo laviflily, and fo 
juftly beftowed on every thing that bears the figna» 
ture of Miles Andrews 1 See '* the Prologue to the 
Cure for the Heart Ach by Miles Andrews, and 

f Morton's catch-word. — Wonderful is the 
profundity of the Bathos ! I thought O'Keefe had 
reached the. bottom of it : but as uncle Bowling fays, 
I thought a d — n'd lie — for Holcroft, Reynolds, and 

C a? 3 

Then,when his guefts behold the prize at ftake, 140 
And thirft and hunger only are awake, 

Vos, O patricius fanguis, quos vivere fas eft 
Occipiti casco, pofticae occurrite fannae. 


Morton, have funk infinitely beneath him. They 
have happily found 

In the loiueft deep a loiuer ftill, 

and perfevere in exploring it with an emulation which 
does them honour. 

Will pofterity believe this facetious triumverate 
could think nothing more to be neceflary to the 
conftruftion of a play, than an eternal repetition of 
fome contemptible vulgarity, fuch as That's your fort j 
Hey, damme! What's to pay ! Keep moving, &c.! 
They will : for they will have blockheads of their 
own ; who will found their claims to celebrity on 
fimilar follies. What, however, they will never cre_ 
dit is — that thefe drivellings of ideotifm, thefe catch- 
words, Ihould aftually preferve their refpedlive au^ 
thors from being hiffed off the ftage. No, they will 
not believe that an Englifti audience could be fo be- 
fotted, fo brutified as to receive fuch fenfelefs excla-, 

My friends, he cries, what do the galleries fay. 
And what the boxes, of my laft new play ? 
Speak freely, tell me all — come, be lincere ; 
For truth, you know, is mufic to my ear. 145 
They fpeak ? Alas, they cannot ! But (hall I j 
I who receive no bribe, who dare not lie ? 

mations with burfts of laughter, with peals of ap- 
plaufe. I cannot believe it myfelf ; though I have 
witnefled it. Haud credo — if I may reverfe the good 
father's pofition — Haud credo, quia poffibile eft. 

% Merry's Moorfields' whine. — In a moft wretched 
rhapfody of incomprehenfible nonfenfe, addreffed by 
this gentleman to Mrs. Robinfon, which fhe in her 
*valuable poems (page 100) calls a charming compo- 
fition, abounding in lines of exquifite beauty, is the 
following rant : 

Conjure up demons from the main 
Storms upon ftorms indignant heap. 
Bid ocean howl, and nature weep. 
Till the Creator blujb to fee 
H01U horrible his ivorld can be : 
While I will glory to blaspheme, 
And make the joys of hell my theme. 
The reader, perhaps, wonders what dreadful event 
gave birth to thefe fearful imprecations. As far as I 

i *9 3 
This then— " that worfe was never writ before, 
Nor worfe will be — till thou fhalt write once 

more. '* 
° Blest be " two-headed Janus !" tho' inclin'd, 150 
No waggifti stork can peck at him behind ; 
He no wry mouth, no lolling tongue can fear, 
Nor the brifk twinkling of an afs's ear. 
But you, ye St. Johns, curs'd with one poor head, 
Alas ! what mockeries have not ye to dread ! 155 

" O Jane, a tergo quern nulla ciconia pinlit, 
Nee manus auriculas imitata eft mobilis albas, 
Nee linguae, quantum fitiat canis Apula, tantae. 


can collefl, it was — tlie aforefaid Mrs. Robinfon's 
net opening her eyes ! ! ! Surely it is moft devoutly to 
be wifhed that thefe poor creatures would recolleft, 
amidft their frigid ravings, and common-place extra- 
vagancies, that excellent maxim of Pope—. 

** Perfift, by nature, reafon, tafte, unaw'd ; 

<« But learn, ye Dunces, not to fcorn your God." 

C 30 ] 

•Hear now our guests : — The critics, Sir! they 
cry — 
Merit like yours the critics may defy. 
But this indeed they fay — " Your varied rhymes. 
At once the boast and envy of the times. 
In every page, fong, fonnet, what you will, 160 
Shew boundlefs genius, and unrivall'd fkill. 

If comedy be yours, the fearching strain 
Gives a fweet pleafure, fo chastis'd by pain. 
Than e*en the guilty at their fufFerings fmile. 
And blefs the lancet, tho' they bleed the while. 165 

• Quis populi fermo eft ? quis enim, nifi carmina 

Nunc demum numero fluere, ut per leve fevcros 

EfFundatjunftura ungues 

Sive opus in mores, in luxum, in prandia regum, 
Dicere res grandes nostro dat Mufa poetae. 
Ecce modo heroas fenfus afFerre videmus 
Nugari folitos Graece, nee ponere lucum 

C 3t 3 

If tragedy, th' impaffion'd numbers flow 
In all the fad variety of woe, 
With fuch a liquid lapfe, that they betray 
The breast unwares, and steal the foul away.'* 
Thus fool'd, the moon-struck tribe, whofe best 
effays 170 

Sunk in acrostics and in roundelays. 
To loftier labours now pretend a call. 
And bustle in heroics, one and alh 
E'en Bertie burns of gods and chiefs to fing— 
Bertie who lately twitter'd to the string 1 75 

His namby-pamby madrigals of love. 
In the dark dingles of a glittering grove. 
Where airy lays,* woven by the hand of morn, 
Were hung to dry upon a cobweb thorn ! ! ! 

Artifices, nee rus faturum laudare,— Euge, poeta ! 


♦ Where airy lays, &c. 
«« Was it the fhuttle of the morn 
" That hung upon the cobweb'd thorn 

C 32 ] 
Happy the foil where bards like mufhrooms 
rife, 180 

And afk no culture but what Byflie fupplies ! 
Happier the bards who, write whate'er they will. 
Find gentle readers to admire them ftill ! 

Some love the verfe that like Maria's flows 
No rubs to ftagger, and no fenfe to pofe ; 185 

Which read, and read, you raife your eyes in 

And gravely wonder what it is about. 
Thefe fancy " Bell's Poetics" only fweet. 
And intercept his hawkers in the ftreet ; "' 

Eft nunc Brifaei quern venofus liber Acci 
Sunt quos Pacuviufque, et verrucofa moretur 
Antiopa, aerumnis cor lu<5lificabile fulta. 


" Thy airy lay ? Or did it rife, 

*♦ In thoufand rich enamell'd dyes, 

*' To greet the noon-day fun," &c. 

Bell's Album, vol. ii. 

C 33 3 

There, fmoaking hot, inhale *Mit Yen da's 

ftrains, 190 

And the rank fume of Tony Pasquin's brains.t 

♦ MiT Yenda. This is Mr. Tim, alias Mr. 
Timothy Adney, a molt pertinacious gentleman, who 
makes a confpicuous figure in the papers under the 
ingenious fignature above cited ; being, as the reader 
already fees, his own name read backward. ** Gentle 
dulnefs ever loves a joke !" 

Of his prodigious labours I have nothing by me 
but the following flanza, taken from what he calls 
his Poor Man : 

Reward the bounty of your generous hand. 

Your head each night in comfort fhall be latd^ 
And plenty fmile throughout your fertile land. 
While I do haften to the filent grave. 

" Good morrow, my worthy matters andmiftrefles 
all J and a merry Chriftmas to you." 

I find I have been guilty of a mifnomer. Mr. Ad- 
ney having politely informed me, fince the above was 
written, that his chriftian name is not Timothy but 
Thomas. The Anagram in queftion, therefore muft 
be Mot Yenda ; omitting the h euphonia gratia ; 
I am happy in an opportunity of doing juftice to fo 
correal a gentleman, and I pray him to continue his 
valuable labour. 


C 34 3 

Others, like Kemble, on black letter pore, 
And what they do not underftand, adore ; 


t Tony Pasquin. — I have too much refpefl for 
my reader to affront him with any fpccimens of this 
man's poetry, at once licentious and dull beyond ex- 
ample : at the fame time I cannot refift the temptation 
of prefenting him with the following flanzas, written 
by a friend of mine, and fufficiently illuftrative of the 
charafler in queftion : 

To Anthony Pasquin, Efq. 

Why doft thou tack, moft fimple Anthony, 
The name of Pafquin to thy ribbald drains ? 

Is it a fetch of wit, to let us fee 

Thou, like that ftatue, art devoid of brains ? 

But thou miftak'ft : for know, tho' Pafquin's head 
Be full as hard, and near as thick, as thine ; 

Yet has the world admiring on it read 

Many a keen gibe, and many a fportive line. 

While nothing from thy jobbernowl can fpring 
But impudence and filth ; for out, alas! 

Do what we will, 'tis ftillthe fame vile thing, 
Within, all brick-duft — and without, all brafs. 

C 35 3 
Buy at vaft fums the trajh of ancient days, 
And draw on prodigality for praife. 190 

Thefe, when fome lucky hit, or lucky price, 
Has blefs'd them with " The Boke of good ad- 
vice ," 

Hos pueris monitus patres infundere lippos 
Cum videas, quverifque unde haec fartago lo- 


Then blot the name of Pasquin from thy page : 
Thou feeft it will not thy poor rifF-rafF fell. 

Some other wouldft thou take ? I dare engage 
John Williams, or Tom Fool, will do as 

Tony has taken my friend's advice, and now fells 
or attempts to fell " his rifF-rafF" under the name of 
John Williams. 

It has been reprefented to me, that I fhould do 
well to avoid all mention of this man ; from a 
confideration that one fo loft to every fenfe of decen- 
cy and fliame, was a fitter obje£l for the Beadle 

D 2 

C 36 3 

For ekes and algates only deign to feek, 
And live upon a whilome for a week *. 

And can we when fuch mope-eyed dolts are 
plac'd 200 

By thoughtlefs fafliion on the throne of tafte — 

Venerit in linguas ? unde istud dedecus ? 

' Fur es, ait Pedio. Pedius quid ? crimina rafis 


than the Mufe. This has induced me to lay afide 
a fecond caftigation which I had prepared for 
him, though I do not think it expedient to omit 
what I had formerly written. 

Here on the rack of Satire let him lie. 
Fit garbage for the hell-hound Infamy. 

One word more. I am. told there are men fo 
weak as to deprecate this miferable objefl's abufe, 
and fo vain, fo defpicably vain, as to tolerate his 
praife — for fuch I have nothing but pity ; — though 
the fate of Haftings, fee the " Pin-bafket to the Chil- 
dren of Thefpis," holds out a dreadful leflbn to the 
latter — but fhould there be a man, or a woman— 
however high their rank — bafe enough to purchafe 
the venal pen of this mifcreant for the fake of tra- 

C 37 ] 
Say, can we wonder whence this jargon flows. 
This motley fuftian, neither verfe nor profe. 
This old new language that defiles our page, 
The refufe and the fcum of every age ? 205 

Librat in antithetis ; dodlas pofuifle figuras 
Laudatur j bellum hoc. Hoc bellum ? An Ro- 
mule ceves ? 


ducing innocence and virtue ; then 1 was about 

to ; but 'tis not neceflary : the profligate 

cowards who employ Antony can know no feverer 
punifhment than the fupport of a man whofe ac- 
quaintance is infamy, and whofe touch is poifon. 

* Others like Kemble, Sec. — Tho' no great Cata- 
logue hunter, I love to look into fuch marked ones as 
fall in my way. That of poor Dood's books amufed 
me not a little. It exhibited many inflances of black 
LETTER mania; and, what is more to my purpofe, 
a transfer of much *' trafli of ancient days," to the 
fortunate Mr. Kemble. For example. 

£• ^ d 

Firft part of the tragicall Raigne of Seli- 

mus Emperour of the Turks - - - i 11 6 


C 38 3 
Lo, Beaufoy * tells of Afric's barren fand 
In all the flow'ry phrafe of fairy land : 

I- s. d. 
Jacob and Efau, a Mery and Whittle 

Comedie - - - - - 350 

Look About You, a comedie - - - - 5 7 6 

The tragedie of T« Nero, Rome's Created 

Tyraunte, &c. &c. ----.-140 

How are we ruined ! 

* Lo ! Beaufoy, &c. — ^^'Y\ititt.X.zxt accommodated 
with (hoes, f, and the head is protested by a — woollen 

African Association, p. 139. 

f Shoes — By your leave, xnafier critic, here is a fmall 
overfight in your quotation. The gentleman does not fay 
their feet are accommodated with /hoes, but with Jlippers. 
For the left, accomodate , as I learn, is a fchular-like word, 
and a word of exceeding great propriety. Accommodate! it 
comes from accommodo * that is, when a man's feet are, as 
they fay, accommodated ; or when they are — being — whereby 
they may be thought to be accommodated : which is an 
excellent thing. 

Printer's Dzvil. 

C 39 3 

There Fezzan's thrum-capp'd tribes, Turks, 

Chriftians, Jews, 
Accommodatey ye gods ! their feet with fhocs. 
There meagre fhrubs inveterate mountains 

grace, 2io 

And brufhwood breaks the amplitude of /pace. 
Perplex'd with terms fo vague and undefin'd, 
I blunder on ; till wilder'd, giddy, blind, 
Where'er I turn, on clouds I feem to tread ; 
And call for Mandeville to eafe my head. 21 ^ 
Oh for the good old times ! When all was new, 
And every hour brought prodigies to view. 
Our fires in unaffedled language told 
Of ftreams of amber, and of rocks of gold : 

*♦ From this fcene of gladfome contraft, i. e. from 
the mountain of Zillaii (p. 288', whole rugged fides 
are marked with fcanty fpots of brufhwood, and en- 
riched with ftores of water, to the long afcent of the 
broad rock of Gerdobah (p. 289), from whole inflexi- 
ble barrennefo little is to be got — from this fcene, I 
fay, of gladfome contraft to the iti'ueterate mountains 
of Gegogib, &c." 


C 40 ] 
Full of their theme, they fpurn'd all idle art, 220 
And the plain tale was truftcd to the heart. 
Now all is changed ! We fume and fret, poor 

elves ; 
Lels to difplay our fubjed^, than ourfelves : 
Whate'er we paint — a grot, a flow'r, a bird. 
Heavens, how we fweat, laborioufly abfurd ! 225 
Words of gigantic bulk, and uncouth found, 
In rattling triads the long fentence bound ; 
While points with points, with periods periods 

And the whole work feems one continued war ! 
Is not THIS fad? 

F. " 'Tis pitiful, God knows, 230 
** 'Tis wondrous pitiful." E'en take the profe ; 
But for the poetry — oh, that my friend, 
I ftill afpire — nay, fmile not — ^to defend. 


*' In the long courfe of a feven-days paflage, the 
traveller is fcarcely fenfible that a few fpots of thin 
and meagre brufhwood flightly interrupt the vaft 
expanfe of flerility, and diminifh the amplitude of 
defolation! I I" 

C 41 3 

r You praife our fires, but, though they wrote 

with force, 
Their rhymes were vicious, and their didion 

coarfe ; 235 

We want theirjirength : agreed. But we atone 
For that, and more, hy fweetnefs all our own. 
For instance — " * Hasten to the lawny vale, 
** Where yellow morning breathes her fafFron 

" And bathes the landfcapc — " 

P. Pfhaw ! I have it here : 240 
" A voice feraphic grafps my listening ear : 
** Wond'ring I gaze ; when lo ! methought afar, 
** More bright than dauntlefs day's imperial star, 
** A godlike form advances." 

p Sed numeris decor eft, et jundtura addita 


* Haften, &c. — This and the following quotation 
are taken from the " Laurel of Liberty," a work on 
which the great author moft juftly refts his claims to 

[ 42 ] 

F, You fuppofe 
Thcfe lines perhaps too turgid ; what of 
thofe ? 245 

" The mighty mother'' — " 

P. Now 'tis plain you fneer. 
For * Weston's felf could find no femblance 

Weston ! who flunk from truth's imperious light, 
Swells like a filthy toad, with fecret fpite, 

Ut ramale vetus praegrandi fubere co6lum. 
Claudere fie verfum didicit Berecynthius Atys, 
Et qui caeruleum dirimebat Nerea Delphin. 
Sic coftam longo fubduximus Appennino. 
" "J Arma virum" nonne hoc fpumofum et cortice 
pingui ? 


• Wefton. — This iodefatigable gentleman has been 
attacking the moral charafter of Pope in the Gentle- 
man's Magazine, with all the virulence of Gildon, 
all the impudence of Smedley, and all the ignorance 
of Curl and his aiTociates. 

C 43 3 
And, envying the fair fame he cannot hope, 250 
Spits his black venom at the dust of Pope. 
Reptile accurs'd ! — O memorable long, 
If there be force in virtue or in fong, 
O injur 'd bard ! accept the grateful strain. 
That I, the humblest of the tuneful train, 255 
With glowing heart, yet trembling hand repay 
For many a penfive, many a fprightly lay : 
So may thy varied verfe, from age to age. 
Inform the fimple, and delight the fage ! 


What the views of the immaculate Sylvanus may 
be, in ftanding cap in hand, and complacently holding 
open the door of the temple, for near two years, to 
this * " execrable" Eroftratus, I know not. He can- 
not fiire be weak enough to fuppofe an obfcure fcrib- 
bler like this has any charges to bring againft our great 
poet, that efcaped the vigilant malevolence of the 
Weftons of the Dunciad. Or if ever, from the na- 
tural goodnefs of his heart, he cheriflied fo laudable 
a fuppofition, he ought (whatever it may coft him) 
to forego it : when, after twenty months, nothing is 
produced but an exploded accufation taken from the 

* Such is the epithet applied to Pope by the virtuous in- 
dignation of this amiable traducer of worth and genius ! 

C 44 3 

While canker'd Wefton, and his loathfome 
rhymes, 260 

Stink in the nofe of all fucceeding times ! 

Enough ^ But where (for thefe, you feem to fay. 

Are famples of the high, heroic lay) 260 

Where are the foft, the tender (trains, that call 

For the moift eye, bow'd head, and lengthen'd 

drawl ? 266 

"■ Quidnam igitur tenerum & laxa cervice legen- 


moft common edition of the Dunciad ; which, as no- 
thing but Weftonian rancour could firft make, fo 
nothing but Weftonian ftupidity can now revive. 

It has been fuggefted to me, that this nightman 
of hterature defigns to reprint as much as can be col- 
lefledof the heroes of the Dunciad. — If it be fo, the 
dirty work of traducing Pope may be previoufly ne- 
ceflTary ; and prejudice itfelf muft own, that he has 
fhewn uncommon penetration in the feleftion of the 
blind and outrageous mercenary now fo laborioufly 
employed in it. 

Whatever be the defign, the proceedings are by no 
means inconfiftent with the plan of a work which 

C 45 3 
Lo! here " *Canft thou, Matilda, ui^ my 

** And bid me mourn thee ? — yes, and mourn too 

** O rafti, fevere decree ! my maddening brain 
*' Cannot the ponderous agony fuftain ; 

Torva Mimalloneis implerunt cornua bombis, 
Et raptum vitulo caput ablatura fuperbo 


may not unaptly be ftyled the charnel-house of 
REPUTATION, and which from the days of Lauder 
to the prefent, has delighted to afperfe every thing 
venerable amongft us — which accufed Switt of luft, 
and Addifon of drunkennefsj which infulted the 
aflies of Toup while they were yet warm, and gib- 
beted poor Henderfon alive ; which afteded to ido- 
lize the great and good Howard, while idolatry was 
painful to him ; and the moment he fell, glorioufly 
fell, in the exercife of the moft fublime virtue, at- 
tempted to (ligmatife him as a brute and amonfter ! 

* Canftthou Matilda, &c. (vide Album, vol. ii.) — 
Matilda! "nay then, I'll never truft a madman 
again." It was but a few minutes fince, that Mr. 
Merry died for the love of Laura Maria ; and now is 

C 46 3 
** But forth I rufli, from vale to mountain 

run, 270 

" And with my mind's thick gloom obfcure the 

« Heavens ! if our ancient vigour were not fled. 
Could VERSE like this be w^ritten or be read ? 
Verse! that's the mellow fruit of toil intenfe, 
Infpir'd by genius, and informed by fenfe ; 275 
This, the abortive progeny of Pride 
And Dulnefs, gentle pair, for aye allied ; 
Begotten without thought, born without pains. 
The ropy drivel of rheumatic brains. 

• Haec fierent, R testiculi vena ulla patemi 
Viveret in nobis ? fumma delumbe faliva. 
Hoc natat in labris : et in udo est Maenas et Atys ; 
Nee pluteum caedit, nee demorfos fapit ungues. 


he going to do the fame thing for the love of Anna 
Matilda ? 

What the ladies may fay to fuch a fwain, I know not ; 
but certainly he is too prone to run wild, die, &c. &c. 
Such indeed is the combuftible nature of this gentleman. 

C 47 ] 
F. 'So let it be: and yet, methinks, my 
friend, 280 

Silence were wife, where fatire will not mend. 
Why wound the feelings of our noble youth. 
And grate their tender ears with odious truth ? 
They cherifli *Amo, and his flux of fong, 
And hate the man who tells 'em they are 
wrong. 280 

* Sed quid opus teneras mordaci radere vero 
Auriculas ? vide fis, ne majorum tibi forte 

that he takes fire at every female fignature in the pa- 
pers : and I remember, that when Olaudo Equiano, 
(who, for a black, is not ill-featured) tried his hand at 
a foft fonnet, and by miftake fubfcribed it Olauda, Mr, 
Merry fell fo defperately in love with him, and "yelled 
** out fuch fyllables of dolour" in confequence of it, 
that " the pitiful hearted" negro was frightened at the 
mifchief he had done, and tranfmitted in all hafte the 

following correftion to the editor *' For OlaudJ, 

** pleafe to read OlaudO, the black man." 

* Of this /pes altera Roma, this fecond hope of 
the age, the following ftanzas will afford a fufficient 
fpecimen. They are taken from a ballad which 

C 4« 3 
Thy fate already I forefee. My Lord 
With cold refpedl will freeze thee from his board ; 
And his Grace cry, " Hence with your fapient 

fneer ! 
** Hence ! we defire no currifli critic here." 

Limina frigefcant : fonat hie de narc canina 


Mr. Bell, an admirable judge of thefe matters, 

calls a " very mellifluous one j eafy, artlefs, and 

Gently o'er the rifing blllo'ws 
Softly fteals the bird of night, 

Rujlling thro' the betiding luillotus ; 
Fluttering pinions mark her flight. 

Whither now \nfilence bending^ 
Ruthlefs winds deny thee reft ; 

Chilling night-detus faft defcending 
Gliften on thy downy bread. 

Seeking fome kind hand to guide thee, 

Wiftful turns \\iy fearful eye ; 
Trembling as the willows hide thee. 

Sheltered from th' inclement Iky. 

The ftory of this poor owl, who was at one and 
the fame time at fea and on land, filent and noify. 

C 49 ] 

P. Enough. ^ Thank heaven ! my error now 
I fee, 
And all (hall be divine henceforth for me : 

Litera. ^ Per me equidem fint omnia protinus alba, 


fheltered and expofed, is continued through a few 
more of thefe " mellifluous" flanzas : which the 
reader, I doubt not, will readily forgive me for 
omitting; more efpecially if he reads the Oracle, 
a PAPER honoured — as the grateful editor very 
properly has it — by the effufions of this " artlefs" 
gentleman above all others. 

N. B. On looking again, I find the owl to be a 
Nightingale. — N'importe. 

It was faid of Theophilus Gibber (I think by 
Goldfmith), that as he grew older, he grew never the 
better. Much the fame (mutatis mutandis) may be 
faid of the gentlemen of the Baviad. After an in- 
terval of two years, I find the " mellifluous" Arno 
celebrating Mrs. Robinfon's Novel in ftrains, like 
thefe : 

C 50 3 
Yes, Andrew's doggrell, Greathead's idiot line, 
And Morton's catch-word, all, forfooth, di- 
vine ! 290 
F. 'Tis well. Here let th' indignant stricture 
And Leeds at length enjoy his fool in peace. 

Nil moror: euge, omnes, omnes bene mirae 

eritis res. 
Hoc juvat : hie iniquis, veto quifquam faxit 



For the ORACLE. 
Upon reading her VANCENZA^ 

WHAT never-ceafing Mufic ! From the throne 
Where fweeteft Sensibility enfhrin'd 

Pours out her tender triumphs, all alone 
To every murmuring breeze of palling wind f 

C 51 3 
P, Come then, around their works a circle 
And near it plant the dragons of the law ; 
With labels writ, " Critics far hence remove, 295 
** Nor dare to cenfure what the great approve." 
I go. K Yet Hall could lafti with noble rage 
The purblind patron of a former age, 

Pinge duos angues : pueri, facer est locus, extra 
Mejite; ^difcedo: fecuit Lucilius urbem, 


O, bleft with all the lovely lapfe of Song, 
That bathes with pureft balm the foften'd breaft, 

I fee thee urge thy Fancy's courfe along 
The folemn glooms of Gothic piles unbleft. 

Van c EN z A rifes — o'er her time-touch'd fpires 
Guilt unreveaV d hovers with killing dew, 

Fruftrates the fondnefs of the Virgin's fires, 
And bares the murderous Casket to her view. 

The thrilling pulfe creeps back upon each Heart, 
And Horror lords it by thy facinating Art. 


Et vitula Tu dignus, et H^c ! The Novel is wor- 
thy of the Poetry ; the Poetry of the Novel. 

E 2 

C 5» 3 
And laugh to fcorn th' eternal fonnetteer 
Who made goofe- pinions and white rags fo dear. 
Yet Oldham in his rude, unpolifli'd strain, 301 
Could hifs the clamorous, and deride the vain. 
Who bawl'd their rhymes inceffant thro' the 

Or brib'd the hawkers for a day's renown. 
Whate'er the theme, with honest warmth they 

wrote, 305 

Nor car'd what Mutius of their freedom thought : 
Yet profe was venial in that happy time. 
And life had other bufinefs than to rhyme. 

^ And may not I — now this pernicious peft. 
This metromania, creeps thro' every breast ; 310 
Now fools and children void their brains by loads, 
And itching grandams fpawl lafcivious odes ; 

Te Lupe, te Muti, & genuinum fregit in illis. 
•> Men' mutire nefas, nee clam, nee cum fcrobe ? 

Hie tamen infodiam. Vidi, vidi ipfe, libelle : 

C 53 J 

Now lords and dukes, curs'd with a fickly taste. 
While Burns' pure healthful nurture runs to 

Lick up the fpittle of the bed rid mufe, 315 

And riot on the fweepings of the stews ; 
Say, may not I expofe — 

F. No — 'tis unfafe. 
Prudence my friend. 

P. What ! not deride, not laugh ? 
Well ! thought at least is free — 

F. O yet forbear. 
P. Nay, then, I'll dig a pit, and bury there 
The dreadful truth that fo alarms thy fears : 320 
The town, the town, good pit, has 

asses ears ! 
Thou think'st perhaps, this wayward fancy 

Strange ; 
So think thou still ; yet would not I exchange 

Auriulas afini Mida rex habet. Hoc ego oper- 

Hoc ridere meum tarn nil, nulla tibi vendo 

C 54 3 
The fecret humour of this fimple hit 325 

For all the Albums that were ever writ. 
Of this no more. O thou (if yet there be 
One bofom from this vile infedion free) , 
Thou who canst thrill with joy, or glow with 

As the great masters of the fong infpire 330 

Canst hang enamour'd o'er the magic page, 
Where defperate ladies defperate lords engage. 
Gnomes, Sylphs, and Gods the fierce contention 

And heaven and earth hang trembling on a hair ; 
Canft quake with horror while Emilia's charms 
Againft a brother point a brother's arms, 335 
And trace the fortune of the varying fray, 
While hour on hour flits unperceived away — 

Iliade. Audaci quicunque afflate Cratino, 
Iratum Eupolidem praegrandi cum fene palles, 
Afpice & haec, fi forte aliquid decoflius audis. 

C 55 3 

Approach : 'twixt hope and fear I wait. O deign 
To caft a glance on this incondite ftrain : 340 
Here, if thou find one thought but well expreft, 
One fentence higher finifh'd than the reft, 
Such as may win thee to proceed awhile, 
And fmooth thy forehead with a gracious fmile, 
I afk no more. ' But far from me the throng, 345 
Who fancy fire in Laura's vapid fong. 
Who Anna's bedlam-rant for fenfe can take. 
And over * Edwin's mewlings keep awake ; 

Inde vaporata ledor mihi ferveat aure, 

* Non hie, qui in crepidas Graiorum ludere geftit, 

Sefe aliquem credens, Italo quod honore fupinus 


• Edivin^s Metolings, &c.) — We come now to a 
character of high refpefl, the profound Mr. T. 
Vaughan, who, under the alluring fignature of Ed- 
win, favours us from time to time with a melancholy 
poem on the death of a bug, the flight of an earwig, 
the mifcarriage of a cock-chafFer, or fome other 
event of equal importance. 


C 56 3 

Yes, far from me, whate'er their birth or place, 
Thefe long-ear 'd judges of the Phrygian race, 350 

Fregerit heminas — 


His laft work was an Ewtrof «>» (blefTmgs on his 
learning ! ), which I take for granted means an Epi- 
taph, on a moufe that broke her heart : and, as it 
was a matter of great confequence, he very properly 
made the introduftion as long as the poem itfelf. 
Hear how gravely he prologifeth : 

On a tame moufe, nvbich belonged to a lady ivhofaved 
its life, conftantlyfed it, and even luept, poor lady I 
at its approaching death. The moufe^s eyes ailually 
dropped out of its head, poor moufe! the day be- 
fore IT DIED. 

This feeling moufe whofe heart was warm'd 

By Pity's pureft ray, 
Becaufe her Miftrefs dropt a tear, 

Wept both her eyes away. 

By fympathy depriv'd of light, 
She one day's darknefs tried ; 

C 57 3 
Their cenfure and their praife alike I fcorn, 
And hate the laurel by their followers worn ! 


The grateful tear no more could floiu^ 
So lik'd it not, and died. 

May we when others weep for us, 

The debt with int'reft pay — 
And, when the gen'rous fonts are dry, 

Revert to native clay, 


Mr. T. Vaughan has aflerted that he is not the 
author of this matchlefs Emrafptov, with fuch fpirit, 
and retorted upon one Baviad (whom without all con- 
troverfy the learned gentleman takes to be a man) 
with fuch ftrength of argument, and elegance of 
diftion, that I fhould wrong both him and the reader, 
to give it in any words but his own. 

** Well faid, Baviad the correal ! — And fo the 
PROFOUND Mr. T. Vaughan, as you politely ftyle 
him, writes under the alluring fignature of Edwin, 
does he ? and therefore a very proper fubjeftfor your 
fatiric malignity 1 — But fuppofe for a moment, as the 
truth and the fafl is, that this gentleman never did 
ufe that fignature upon any occafion, in whatever he 
may have written : Do not you the identical Baviad, 

E 58 3 

Let fuch, a tafk congenial to thejr powers, 
At fales and audions waste the morning hours. 

His mane edidum, poft prandia Calliroen do. 


in that cafe, for your unprovoked abufe of him, im- 
mediately fall under your own charafler of that 
Nightman of Literature you fo liberally afTign Wef- 
ton ? And like him too, if there is any truth in what 
you fay or write, do you not 

Swell like a filthy toad with fecret fpite ? 

The ayes have it. And fliould you not be as well 
verfed in your favourite Author's Fourth Satire, as 
you are in the Firft, with your leave, I will quote from 
it tiJDo emphatic lines : 

** Into themfelves how few, how few defcend, 
** And a6l, at home, the free impartial friend ! 
" None fee their own, but all with ready eye 
" The pendent wallet on a neighbour fpy ; 
" And like a Baviad will recount his fliame, 
" Tacking his very errors to bis name.** 

Oracle, lath Jan. 

C 59 3 
Wile the dull noon away in Christie's fane, 355 
And fnore the evening out at Drury lane ; 
Lull'd by the twang of Benfley's nafal note. 
And the hoarfe croak of Kemble's foggy throat. 


And, to luhofe name fliould they be tacked, but the 
author's ? Let not the reader, however, imagine the 
abfurdity to proceed from Perfius, or his ingenious 
tranflator. " The truth and the fa£l is," that our 
learned brother, having a fmall change to make in 
the two laft lines, blundered them with his ufual 
acutenefs into nonfenfe. He is not much more happy 
when he calls Weston ** the Nightman of Litera- 
ture." But when a gentleman does not know what 
he writes, it is a little hard upon him to expefl he 
{hould know what he reads. — After all Edwin or 
not, our egregious friend is ftill the profound Mr. 
T. Vaughan. 



Qui B AVIUM non odit, amet tua carmina M^vi. 

C 63 3 


N the Introduction to the preceding 
pages, I have given a brief account of the rife 
and progrefs of that fpurious fpecies of poetry, 
which lately infefted this metropolis, and gave 
occafion to the Baviad. 

I was not ignorant of what I expofed myfelf 
to, by the publication of that work. If abufe 
could have afFedled me, I fhould not probably 
have made a fet of people my enemies, habi- 
tuated to ill language, and poflefled of fuch 
convenient vehicles* for its diffemination. But 

• Moft of thefe fafliionable writers were connefted 
with the public prints. Delia Crufca was a worthy 

C 64 3 
I never regarded it from fuch hands ; and, 
indeed, deprecated nothing but their praife. I 
refpedt, in common with every man of fenfe, 
the cenfure of the wife and good : but the 
angry ebullitions of folly unmafked, and vanity 
mortified, pafs by me, " like the idle wind ;" 
or, if noticed, ferve merely to grace fome fuc- 
ceeding edition of the Baviad. 

I confefs, however, that the work was received 
more favourably than I expefted. Bell, indeed, 
and a few others, whofe craft I had touched, 
vented their indignation in profe, and verfe : but, 
on the whole, the clamour againft me was not 
loud ; and was loft by infenfible degrees in the 
applaufes of fuch as I was truly ambitious to 

coadjutor of the mad and malignant idiot who con- 
duced the World. Arno, and Lorenzo, were either 
proprietors or editors of another paper. Edwin and 
Anna Matilda, were favoured contributors to feveral, 
and Laura Maria from the fums fhe fquandered on 
puff's, could command a corner in all. 

C «5 ] 

Thus fupported, the good efFe^ls of the fatire 
(gloriose loquor) were not long in manifefting 
themfelves. Delia Crufca appeared no more irt 
the Oracle, and, if any of his followers ventured 
to treat the town with a foft fonnet, it was not, 
as before, introduced by a pompous preface. 
Pope and Milton refumed their fuperiority ; and 
EAeand his coadjutors, lilently acquiefced in the 
growing opinion of their incompetency, and 
(hewed fome fenfe of (hame. 

With this I was fatisfied, I had taken up my 
pen for no other end : and was quietly retiring, 
with the idea that I had ** done the ftate fome 
fervice ;'* and purpofing to abandon for ever the 
caeftus, which a refpedtable critic fancies I wielded 
" with too much feverity" ; when I was once 
more called into the lifts*, by the re-appearance 
of fome of the fcattered enemy. 


• I hope no one will do me the injuftlce to fuppofe 
that I imagine myfelf another Hercules, contend* 
ing with Hydras, &c. Far from it. My enemies 

r 66 ] 

It was not enough that the ftream of folly 
flowed more fparingly in the Oracle than before ; 
I was determined 

To have the current in that place damm'd up ; 

And accordingly began the prefent poem — ^for 
which, indeed, I had by this time other reafons. 
I had been told that there were ftill a few admi- 
rers of the Crufcan fchool, who thought the con- 
tempt I {hewed for it not fufEciently juftified by 
the few paflages I had produced. To filence thefe 


cannot well have an humbler opinion of me, than 
I have of myfelf j and yet •* if I am not aftiamed 
of them, I am a foufed gurnet." Mere pecora 
inertia ! The conteft is without danger, and the 
vidory without glory. At the fame time I declare 
againft any undue advantage being taken of thefe 
conceflions. Though I knew the impotence of 
thefe literary Alkaparts, the town did not : and many 
a man, who now afFefts to pity me for wafting my 
ftrength upon unrefifting imbecility, would, not long 
fmce, have heard their poems with applaufe, and 
their praifes with delight. 

C 67 3 
objedlions therefore, I thought it beft to exhibit 
the tribe of Bell once more ; and, as they pafled 
in review before me, to make fuch additional 
extra(Sts* from their works, as fliould put their de- 
merits beyond the power of future queftion. 

I remembered that this gentleman in his ex- 
cellent remarks on the Baviad, had charged the au- 
thor with "befpattering nearly all the poetical emi- 
nence of the day." Anxious, therefore, to do 
impartial justice, I ran for the Album, to dif- 
cover whom I had fpared. Here I read, " In 
this colledtion are names whom Genius will ever 

look upon as its bejl fupporters ! Sheridan" 

what is " Saul alfo among the Prophets ! — 
Sheridan, Merry, Parfons, Cowley, Andrews, 
Jerningham, Colman, Topham, Robinfon, &c." 


* I know it will faid that I have done it, ufque 
ad naufeam. I confefs it j and for the reafon given 
above. And yet I can honeftly affiire the reader, 
that moft, if not all, of the trafli I have quoted, pafTed 
with the authors for fuperlative beauties ; every fe- 
condword being printed either in italics, or capitals. 

C 68 3 

Thus furnifhed with ** all" the poetical emi- 
nence of the day, I proceeded, as Mr. Bell fays, 
to befpatter it; taking for the vehicle of my 
defign, a Satire of Horace — to which I was led 
by its fupplying me (amidft many happy allu- 
lions) with an opportunity, I was not unwilling to 
feize, of briefly noticing the prefent wretched 
ftate of dramatic poetry*. 


* I know not if the ftage has been fo low, fince the 
days of Gammar Gurton, as at this hour. It feems 
as if all the blockheads iu the kingdom had ftarted 
up, and exclaimed, una <voce. Come ! let us write for 
the theatres. In this there is nothing, perhaps al- 
together new ; the ftriking and peculiar novelty of 
the times feems to be, that all * they write is re- 
ceived. Of the three parties concerned in this bufi- 
nefs, the writers and the managers feem the leaft cul- 

* I recoiled but two exceptions. Merry's idiotical 
Opera, and Mrs. Robinfon's mor* idiotical Farce. To 
have failed where O'Keefe fucceeded, argues a degree of 
fiupidity fcarcely credible. Surely " ignorance itfclf is a 
pUaet" over the heroes and heroines of ihe Baviad 1 

C 69 ] 
When the M^viad (fo I call the prefent 
poem) was nearly brought to a conclufion, I laid 
it afide. The times feemed unfavourable to fuch 
produftions. Events of real importance were 
momentarily claiming the attention of the public ; 
and the ftill voice of the mufes was not likely to 
be liftened to amidft the din of arms. After an 


pable. If the town will have hufks, extraordinary 
pains need not be taken to find them any thing more 
palatable. But what fhall we fay of the town 
itfelf! The lower orders of the people are fo 
brutified by the lamentable follies of O'Keefe, and 
Cobbe, and Pillon, and I know not who — Sardi 
venales, each worfe than the other — that they have 
lofl all relifh for fimplicity and genuine humour : 
nay, ignorance itfelf, unlefs it be grofs and glaring, 
cannot hope for " their moft fweet voices." And 
the higher ranks are fo mawkiflily mild, that they 
take with a placid fimper whatever comes before 
them : or, if they now and then experience a flight 
fit of difguft, have not refolution enough to exprefs 
it, but fit yawning and gaping in each others faces 
for a little encouragement in their pitiful for- 


C 70 3 
interval of two years, however, circumftanccs, 
which it is not material to mention, have induced 
me to finifh, and truft it, without more preface, 
to the candour to which I am already fo highly 
indebted for the warm reception of the Baviad. 

I (hould here conclude this introduftion, al- 
ready too long ; were it not for the fake of notic- 
ing the ftrange inconfiftency of the town. I hear 
that I am now breaking butterflies upon wheels ! 
There was a time (it was when the Baviad firft 
appeared) that thefe butterflies were Eagles, and 
their obfcurfi and defultory flights, the obje<ft of 
univerfal envy and admiration. They are yet fo 
with too many : and furely no one can wifli an- 
other to continue under the infatuation from 
which himfelf is happily free, for want of a 
little additional exertion ! 

C 71 ] 



YES, I DID fay that Crufca's * " true fublime" 
Lacked tafte, and fenfe, and every thing but 
rhyme ; 


Horace, Sat. 10. Lib. i. 

V. I. Nempe incompofito dixi pede currere 


• Crufca's " true fublime. " The words between 
inverted commas in this, and the following verfes, 


C 1* 3 

That Arno's " cafy ftrains" were coarfe and 

And Edwin's " matchlefs numbers" woeful fluff. 


Lucili. Quis tarn Lucili fautor inepte eft, 
Ut non hoc fateatur ? 


are Mr. Bell's. They contain, as the reader fees, 
a fliort character of the works to which they are 
refpeftively affixed. Though I have the misfortune 
to differ from this gentleman in the prefent inflances, 
yet I obferve fuch acutenefs of perception in his ge- 
neral criticifm, that I fhould have ftiled him the 
«< profound" inftead of the «* gentle " Bell ; if I 
had not previoufly applied the epithet to a ftill 
greater man, (abfit invidia di£lo) to — Mr. T. 

I truft this incidental preference will create no jea- 
loufy — for though, as Virgil properly remarks, ** An 
oaken ftafF each merits;" yet I need not inform a 
gentleman, who, like Mr. Bell, reads Shakefpeare 
every day after dinner, that ** if two men ride upon 
a horfe, one of them muft ride behind." 

C 73 3 

And who — forgive, O gentle Bell ! the word, 5 
For it muft out — ^who, prithee, fo abfurd. 
So mulifhly abfurd, as not to join 
In this with me; fave always thee, and 

Yet (till, the soul of candour! I allow'd 
Their jingling elegies amufed the croud ; 10 

That lords and dukes hung blubbering o'er each 

That lady- critics wept, and cried ** divine !'* 
That love-lorn priefts reclined the penfive head. 
And fentimental enfigns, as they read. 
Wiped the fad drops of pity from their eye, 15 
And burft between a hiccup and a figh. 


V. 10, &c. At idem quod fale multo 

Urbem defricuit, charta laudatur eadem. 

Nee tamen hoc tribuens dederim quoque caetera : 

nam fie 
Et Laberi minos, ut pulchra poemata mirer. 

C 74 3 
Yet, not content, like horfe-leeches they come. 
And fplit my head with one eternal hum 
For ** more! more! more!" Away! For 

fliould I grant 
The full, the unreferved applaufe, ye want, 20 
St. John * might then my partial voice accufe. 
And claim my fuffrage for his tragic mufe ; 


V. 17. The horfe-leech has two daughters, 
crying, " Give ! give !" 



* St. John, &c. Having already obferved in the 
lutroduftion that the Maeviad was nearly finiflied two 
years fince, and confequently before the death of this 
gentleman ; I have only to add here, that though I 
fhould not have introduced into it any of the heroes 
of the Baviad, quorum Flaminia tegitur cinis, atque 
Latina, yet I fcarce think it neceflary to make any 
changes for the fake of omitting fuch as have pafled 
ad plures, in the interval between writing and pub- 

C 75 ] 
And Greathead *, rifmg from his fliort difgrace. 
Fling the forgotten " Regent" in my face ; 
Bid me my cenfure, as I may, deplore. 
And like my brother critics cry " Encore !" 


The reader will find (v. 235) another inftance of my 
fmall pretenfions to prophecy ; and probably regret 
it more than the prefent. 

* Greathead's Regent. Of this tragedy, which 
was recommended to the world in more than one 
refpeflable publication, as "the work of a scholar," 
I want words to exprefs my opinion. The plot of 
it was childifh, the conduft abfurd, the language 
unintelligible, the thoughts falfe and confufed, the 
metaphors incongruous, the general flyle groveling 
and bafe, and, to fum up all in a word, the whole 
piece the moft execrable abortion of ftupidity that 
ever difgraced the ftage. 

It is to be wifhed that Reviewers, fenfible of the 
influence their opinions necefTarily have on the pub- 
lic tafte, could divert themfelves of their partialities, 
when they fit down to the execution of, what I hope 
they confider as, their folemn duty. We fliould 
not then find them, as in the inftance before us, re- 
commending a work to favour, deferving univerfal 
reprobation and contempt. 

C 7« 3 
Alas, my learned friends ! for learn 'd yc are, 


V. 27. Ergo non fatis eft rifu diducere ridlum 
Auditoris ; & eft quaedam tamen hie quoque 


This is perhaps requiring too much ; as it fup- 
pofes them not poflefled of the feelings of other 
men. And yet — on confidering the importance of 
the office they have aflumed, and the good or evil 
they have the means of difpenfing— I have on more 
than one occafion lamented that they were 

** No more but even mortals, and commanded 
By fuch poor paflions as the maid that milks. 
And does the meaneft chares." 

It is but fair to obferve, however, that Mr. Par- 
fons has added his all-fufficient fuffrage to that of 
the Reviewers, in favour of Mr. Greathead's 

** O bard ! to whom belongs 
Each pureft fount of poefy ! 

C 77 ] 
As Bell will fay, or, if ye afk it, fwear ; 


Who old IlyfTus' hallowied dews 
In his OWN Avon dares infufe. 
O favoured clime ! O happy age ? 
That boafts to fave a finking ftage" 
A Greathead ! ! ! 

Gent. Mag. 

When I read thefe, and other high founding praifes, 
fcattered over Reviews, Magazines, Newfpapers, and 
I know not what, without having feen any thing but 
the Regent ; I was naturally led to fufpe£l that Mr. 
G. had fucceeded better in his fmaller pieces, and 
thus juftified in fome degree the cry of his " learn> 
ing, &c." But no. All was a blank ! 

Here follow a few famples of the ** Ilyflean dews 
infufed by Mr. Greathead into his own Avon" — 
muddied, I fuppofe, and debafed by the home-bred 
flreamlets of one Shakefpeare. 

** In fuller prefence we defcry 
Mid mountain rocks — a deity 
Than eye of man fliall e'er behold 
In living grace oi fculftur*d gold * 

[ 78 3 
*Tis not enough (though this be fomewhat too, 


I would give fomething to know this " learned 
gentleman's" idea of fculpturing. In the Regent, 
he talks of a " Sculptor's kneading docile clay ! ! 1" 

More matter for a May morning ! 

Ode on Apathy. 

" Accurs'd be dull lethargic Apathy, 
Whether at eve {he liftlefs ride 
In fluggifh car by tortoife drawn— 
With mimic air of fenfelefs pride. 

She feebly throws on all her withering fight. 
While too obfervant of her fway 
Unmark'd her droning fubjefts lie, 
Alike to her who murmur or obey. 

I hope the reader underftands it. 

• Mr. Parfons fays " thcfe lines arc not Greathead's." 
fiat they are publifhed with his name in the Album ; which 
cxclufive of their flupidity, is fufficient authority for me. 
If our doughty critic choofes to take them to himfclf, I can 
have no obje&ion ; for, after all, pugna eft de paupere regno! 

C 79 3 
And more perhaps* than Jerningham can do) 


Ode to Duel. 

** Never didft thou appear 

While Tiber's fons gave law to all the world ; 

Yet much they loved to defolate and flaughter, 

Carthage attefl: my words 

To glut their fanguinary rage, 

Not citizens but gladiators fall. 

Slavery and vaflalage, 

And favage broils, 'twixt nobles are no more. 

Vanifti thou likewife " 

And thefe are Odes, good heavens! " After the 
manner of Pindar," I take for granted. 

But enough of Mr. G. whom I hefitate not to 
pronounce, with all his " fcholarfhip," as ignorant 
a man as any in the three kingdoms. I have only 
to add, that I am aftuated by no perfonal diflike 
of Mr. G. ; for I can fay with the greateft truth 
(what indeed I can of all the heroes of the Mae- 
viad) that I have not the flighteft knowledge of him. 
But the daws have ftrutted too long : it is more 
than time to ftrip them of their adventitious plum- 
age ; and if, in doing it, I fhall pluck off any fea- 
thers which originally belonged to them, they have 
only to thank their own vanity, or the forward- 
nefs of their injudicious friends. 

* And more perhaps than Jerningham can do.— 
No ; Mr, Jerningham has lately written a Tragedy 

C 8o 3 
Tis not enough to dole out Ahs ! and Ohs ! 


and a Farce ; both extremely well fpoken of by 
the Reviewers, and both gone to the ** paftry- 

I thought I underftood fomething of faces ; but 
I muft read my Lavater over again I find. That a 
gentleman with the " phyfiognomie d'un mouton 
qui r€ve," fiiould fuddenly ftart forth a new Tyrtaeus, 
and pour a dreadful note thro* a cracked war- 
trump, amazes me — ^Well; Fronti nulla fides 
fhall henceforth be my motto ! 

In the pride of his heart Mr. J. has taken the 
inftrument from his mouth, and given me a fmart 
firoke on the head with it : this is fair, 

Caedimus, inque vicem praebemus crura fagittis. 

He has alfo levelled a deadly blow at a gentleman, 
who moft afluredly never dreamed of having our 
Drawcanfir for an antagonift : this, though not quite 
fo fair, is not altogther unprecedented ; 

An eagle towering in his pride of place. 
Was by a moufing owl hawked at 1 

There is a trait of fcholarlhip in Mr. Jerningham's 
laft poem, which fliould not be overlooked ; more 

C 81 3 
Through Kemble's thorax*, or through Benfley's 
nofe ; 


efpecially as it is the only one. Having occaflon to 
mention ** Agave and her infant *," he fubjoins 
the following explanation : ** Alluding to Agave» 
who in a dilirium flew her child. See Ovid." No, 
I'll take Mr. Jerningham's word for it, though I had 
twenty Ovids before me. 

* Kemble's thorax • • • hiatus valde deflendus 
• • * But why mention Mr. Benfley ? "Why not ? 
Is not Mr. Benfley a public man, and his fnuffling an 
objeflof public concern? But Mr. Benfley is a good 
man ; and perfeft in every duty of life. I am glad 
of it from my foul ; and, if I were on the topic of 
private virtues, would be the firft to praife him. But 
this is from the purpofe. While I only follow the 
fair ground of public criticifm, I know of no fliatute, 
political or moral, which forbids my faying to Mr. 
Benfley, or any other man whofe nofe I diflike, 


Jam gravis es nobis, & faepe emungeris j Exi 
Ocyus & propera 

* Sec his " Peace, Ignominy, and Deftruftion," Page 15, 

C 8» 3 

To fill our ftage with fcaffolds, or to fright 
Our wives with rapes, repeated thrice a night. 

Judges ^Not fuch as felf-created, fit 35 

On that TREMENDOUS BENCH* which fkirtsthe 

Where idle Thefpis nods, while Arnot dreams 
Of Nereids " purling in ambrofial ftreams ;" 40 


* When this was written, (which was while the 
Opera Houfe was ufed for plays) the ** learned juf- 
ticers" here enumerated, together with others not 
yet taken, were accuftomed to flock nightly to this 
BENCH, from which the unlettered vulgar were al- 
ways fcornfully repelled with an OYAE12, AM0Y20S. 

I have not heard whether the New Theatre be 
pofleffed of fuch a one : I think not ; for critics are 
no more gregarious than fpiders. Like them, they 
might do great things in concert, but, like them too, 
they ufually end with devouring one another. 

f Arno. The dreams of this gentleman, which 
continue to make their appearance in the Oracle, un- 

r 83 3 

Where Efte in rapture cons fantaftic airs, 
" Old Piftol new-revived" in Topham flares, 
And Bofwell, aping with prepofterous pride 
Johnfon's worft frailties, rolls from fide to fide, 
His heavy head from hour to hour ereds, 45 

AfFeds the fool, and is what he afFefts * 

Judges of truth and fenfe, yet more demand : 
That art to nature lend a helping hand ! 


der the name of Thefpis, are not always of Nereids. 
He dreamed one night that Mr. Pope played Pofthu- 
mus with lefs fpirit than ufual ; and it was Mr. John- 
fon finging Grammachre ! Another night, that the 
Mourning Bride might have been better caft, and 
lo ! it was the Comedy of Errors that was played ! ! I 

This was rather unfortunate : but the reader muft 
have already obferved, from the ftrange occupations 
of thefe ** felf-created judges" (which I have faith- 
fully defcribed) that, fleeping or waking, they were 
attentive to every thing but what paflTed before their 

• Pauper videri Cotta vult, et eft pauper ! 

G 2 

C 84 3 
That fables well devifed, be fimply told, 
Corred if new, and probable if old. 

When Mafon leads Elfrida forth to view, 
Adorn 'd with virtues which flie never knew, 
I feel for every tear ; while born along 
By the full tide of unrefifted fong, 
I flop not to enquire if all be juft, 
But take her goodnefs, as her grief, on trust ; 
'Till calm refledion checks me, and I fee 
The heroine as (he was, and ought to be, 
A bold, bad woman, wading to the throne 
Thro' feas of blood, and crimes till then un- 
known : 60 
Then, then I hate the magic that deceived. 
And blufti to think how fondly I believed *. 

♦ Mr. Parfons' note on this paflage is — " Did 
you BELIEVE I Could you pofTibly be fo ignorant ?"— 
Even fo. But I humbly conceive Mr. Mafon, who 
feduced my unfufpefling youth, is equally culpa- 
ble with myfelf. There is alfo one William Shakef- 

C 85 3 

Not fo, when Atheling*, made in fome strange 

The hero of a day that knew him not, 


peare, who, I am ready to take my ^oath, is a no- 
torious offender in this way ; having led not only 
me, but divers others, into the moft grofs and ridi- 
culous errors ; making us laugh, cry, and I know 
not what, for perfons whom we ought to have known 
to be mere non-entities. 

But Mr. Parsons has happily obtained an obdu- 
rate and impaffible head : let him, therefore, " give 
God thanks, and make no boaft of it." He is a wife 
and a wary reader, and follows the moft judicious Bol- 
tom, who, having like himfelf, too much fagacity to 
be impofed upon by a feigned charafter, was laudably 
anxious to undeceive the world. " No," quoth he, 
*• let him thruft his face through the lion's neck, and 
fay. If you think I come hither as a lion, it were 

pity of my life no, I am no fuch thing : I am a 

man, as other men are ; — and then, indeed, let him 
name his name, and tell them plainly that he is Snug 
the joiner." 

• Atheling. See the Battle of Haftings. A tra- 
gedy in which Mr. Cumberland has contrived with 


C 8« 3 
Struts from the field his enemy had won, 65 

On stately stilts, exulting and undone ! 
Here I can only pity, only fmile ; 
Where not one grace, one elegance of style, 
Redeems the audacious folly of the rest. 
Truth facrificed, and history made a jest. 70 

Let this. Ye Crufcans*, if your heads be 
** Of penetrable stuff,** let this perfuade 
Your hufky tribes their wanderings to restrain. 
Nor hope what taste and Mafon failed to gain; 

matchlefs dexterity, to introduce every abfurdity of 
every kind. 

• Ye Crufcans ! 

O voi, che della Crusca vi chiamate 

Come quei che farina non avendo 

Di QjJELLA a tutto pafto vi faziate I — 

C 87 3 

Then let your style be brief, your meaning 
clear, 75 

Nor, like Lorenxo*, tire the labouring ear 
With a wild waste of words ; found without 

And all the florid glare of impotence. 


V. 75. Eft brevitate opus, ut currat fententia, 
Impediat verbis laflas onerantibus aures ; 
Et fermone opus eft modo trifti faepe jocofo. 


* Lorenzo. " A lamentable tragedy by Delia 
Crufca, mixed full of pleafant mirth." The 
houfe laughed a-good at it; but Mr. Harris 
cried fadly. Here is another inftance, if it were 
wanted, of the bad efFedls of proititute applaufe. 
Could this gentleman, if his mind had not been pre- 
vioufly warped by the eternal puffs of Bell and his 
followers, have fuppofed, for a moment, that a 
knack of ftringing together " hoar hills'* and 
<* ripling rills," and " red Ikies glare" and •* thin, 
thin air," qualified a man for writing tragedy ! 


C 88 3 

Still with your charaders your language changc,8o 
From grave to gay, as nature didates range ; 
Now droop in all the plaintivenefs of woe. 
Now in glad numbers light and airy flow, 
Now fliake the stage with guilt's alarming tone. 
And make the aching bofom all your own ; 

Now But I fing in vain ; from firft to laft, 85 

Your joy is fustian, and your grief bombast ; 
Rhetoric has banifhed reafon ; kings and queens 
Vent in hyperboles their royal fpleens ; 
Guardfmen in metaphors exprefs their hopes, 
And maidens in white linen howl in tropes. 90 

Reverent I greet the bards of other days. ' 
Blest be your names ! and lasting be your praife ! 
From nature's varied face ye wifely drew. 
And following ages owned the copies true. 


V, 91. Illi fcripta quibus comoedia prifca 
viris eft 
Hoc ftabant> hoc funt imitandi 

C 89 ] 
O ! had our fots, who rhyme with headlong 

haste, gr 

And think refledion still a foe to taste, 
But brains your pregnant fcenes to understand. 
And give us truth, tho' but at fecond hand, 
'Twere fomething yet! But no; they never 


Shall fouls of fire, they cry, a tutor brook ? 100 
Forbid it infpiration ! Thus your pain 
Is void, and ye have lived for them in vain ; 
In vain for Crufca, and his Ikipping fchool, 
Cobbe, Reynolds, Andrews, and that Nobler 

Fool ; 


V. 103. quos neque pulcher 

Hermogenes unquam legit, nee fimius ifte. 
Nil praeter Calvum dodus cantare Catullum. 

C 90 ] 
Who nought but Laura's* tinkling trafti ad- 
mire, 105 
And the mad jangle of Matilda's* lyre. 


* Laura's tinkling trafti, &c. I had amafTed a 
world of this ** tinkling trafti" for the behoof of the 
reader ; but having fortunately for him, miftaid it, 
and not being difpofed to undertake again the drud- 
gery of wading through Mr. Bell's coUedlions, I can 
only offer him the little that occurs to my memory. 
Of this little, the merits mufl: be ftiared among Mrs. 
Robinfon, Mrs. Cowley, and Mr. Merry. 

Et vos, O Lauri, carpam, & teproxima, Myrte, 
Sic poHtae quoniam fuaves mifcetis odores. 

O let me fly 

Where greenland darknefs drinks the beamy 
flcy ! 

But oh ! beware how thou doft fling 
Thy hot pulfe o'er the quivering ftring ! I I 

Pluck from their dark and rocky bed 
The yelling demons of the deep. 

Who foaring o'er the comet's head. 
The bofom of the welkin fweep. 

C 91 3 
But Crufca ftill has merit, and may claim 
No humble ftation in the ranks of fame ; 


V. 107. At magnum fecit, quod verbis Graeca 


And when the jolly full moon laugha, 

In her clear zenith to behold 

The envious ftars withdraw their gleams of 

*Tis to thy health flie ftooping quaffs 
The fapphire cup that fairy zephyrs bring ! ! 1 

On confidering thefe and the preceding lines, I was 
tempted to indulge a wifti that the blue-ftocking club 
would iflue an immediate order to Mr. Bell, to ex- 
amine the cells of Bedlam. Certainly, if an accu- 
rate tranfcript were made from the " darken'd walls" 
once or twice a quarter, an Album might be prefent- 
ed to the falhionable world, more poetical, and far 
more rational, than any they have lately honoured 
with their applaufe. 

t 9» 2 
He taught us first the language to refine, 
To croud with beauties every fparkling line ; no 


Why does thy ftream oi fweetejl fong 
Foam -on the mountain's murmuring fi(Je, 
Or through the vocal covert glide ! 

I heard a tuneful phantom in the wind, 

I faw it watch the rifing moon afar 

Wet with the weeping of the twilight ftar.— — 

The pilgrim who with tearful eye fhall view 
The moon's wan luftre in the midnight dew, 
Sooth'd by her light. 

This is an admirable reafon for his crying : — ^but 
what ! Un fot trouve toujours un plus fot qui I'admirc. 
Mr. Bell is in raptures with it, and very properly 
recommends it to the admiration of Merry, as being 
the produftion of ** a congenial foul." There is 
alfo another judicious critic, one Dr. Talker (fhould 
it not be Dr. Trufler?) who has given a decided 
opinion, it feems, in favour of this lady's abilities ; 
which may confole her for the fneers of fifty fuch 
envious fcribblers as the author of the Baviad. 

And firft you fhall hear what Mrs. Robinfon fays 
of Dr. Talker.——*" The learned and ingenious Dr. 

C 93 ] 
Old phrafes \dth new meanings to difpenfe, 
Amufe the fancy, and Confound the fenfe : 


Taflcer, in the third volume of his elegant and crl^ 
tical woriis, has pronounced fomeof Mrs. Robin- 
fon's poems fuperior to thofe of Milton on the fame 
fubjeft, particularly her addrefs to the nightingale ! 
The praifes of fo competent and dijtnterejled a judge 
STAMPS celebrity that neither time nor envy can 
obliterate I ! 1 

Oracle, Dec; lo. 

Next you fliall hear what Dr. Talker fays of Mrs. 

" In antient Greece by two fair forms were feen 

Wildom's ftern goddefs, and Love's fmiling queen, 

Pallas prefided over arms and arts, 

And Venus over gentle virgins' hearts. 

But now both powers in one fair form combine, 

And in famed Robinfon united fhine. 

This lady, equally celebrated in the polite and 
literary circles, has honoured Mr. — Lo ! the Dr. is 
dwindled into plain Mr. — has honoured Mr. Taflcer's 
poetical and other produ<5lions with high and diftin- 
guilhed marks of her approbation !" 

Exeter Paper, Jan. i6. 

C 94 3 

O, void of rcafon ! Is it thus you praife 
A linfey-woolfey fong, framed with fuch cafe. 


V. 1 13 — 116. O fcri ftudiorum ! quine 

Difficileet miruni,RHODio quod Pitholeonti 


Why this is the very fong of Prodicus n ^ei^ rn* 

yjneot xH^" fo"^ the reft, I truft my readers will 

readily fubfcribe to the praifes thefe moft ** compe- 
tent and difinterefted judges" have reciprocally la- 
viflied on each other. 

But allons, 

My hand at night's fell noon 

Plucks from the trefles of the moon 
A fparkling crown of filv'ry hue, 
Befprent with ftuds of frozen dew ! 

On the dizzy height inclined 

I iijlen to the paffing laind 

That loves my mournful Jong to feize. 

And bears it to the mountain breeze. 

C 95 3 
Such vacancy of thought, that every line 115 
Might tempt e'en Vaug HAN towhifper, " this 
is mine ! 


Here we find that liftening to the wind, and finging to 
it are one and the fame thing ; and that — but I can 
make nothing of the reft. 

When in black obtrufive clouds 

The chilly moon her pale cheek ftirouds, 

I mark the twinkly ftarring train 

Exulting glitter in her wane. 

And proudly gleam their borrowed light 

To gem the fombre dome of night. 

What an admirable obferver of nature is this great 
poetefs ! The ftar twinkling in a cloudy night, and 
gleaming its borrowed luflre is fuperlative. I had 
almofl forgot to obferve that thefe, and the preceding 
lines, are taken from the Ode to the Nightingale ; fo 
fuperior, in the reverend judgment of Dr. Talker, 
to one of a Mr. John Milton on the fame fubjeft. 

■ the lightning's rays 

Leap through the night's fcarce pervious gloom, 
Attrafted by— —(what, for a ducat ?) 
Attraded by the rofes bloom ! ! ! 

C 9<5 ] 
Vaughan! well remembered. He good 
man complains 
That I affixed his name to Edwin's* ilrains : 


Let but thy lyre impatient feize 
Departing twilight's filmy breeze. 
That winds the inchanting chords among 
In lingering labyrinths of fong. 

See in the clouds its maft the proud bark laves. 
Scorning the aid of ocean's humble waves ! 
From this it appears that Mrs. Cowley fancies proud 
barks float on their marts. It is proper to mention 
that the vcflel takes fuch extraordinary ftate on her- 
felf, becaufe fhe carries Delia Crufca ! 

from a young grove's fhade 

Whofe infant boughs but mock the expecting 

glade ! ! ! 
Sweet founds dole forth, upborn upon the gale, 
Prefs'd thro' the air, and broke upon the vale ; 

Then filent walked the breezes of the plain. 
Or foared aloft, and feiz'd the hovering flrain. 

Delia Crufca. 

The force of folly can no farther go f 

C 97 1 
*Tis juft — for what three kindred fouls have 

Is most unfairly charged, I ween, on one. 120 
Pardon, my learned friend ! With wat'ry eyes 
Thy growing fame to truth 1 facrifice ; 


* Edwin's llrains. If the reader will turn to the 
conclufion of the Baviad, he will find a delicious 
'Emr»fio¥ on a tame moufe, by this learned gentle- 
man. As it feemed to give univerfal fatisfa6tion, I 
embrace with pleafure the opportunity of laying 
before him another effufion of the fame exquifite 

It will be found, I flatter myfelf, not lefs beau- 
tiful than the former, and will ferve admirably to 
prove that the author, though oftenfibly devoted 
to Elegy, can, on a proper occafion, aflume an air 
of gaiety, and be " profound" with eafe, and in- 
ftruftive with elegance. 

*' On the circumftance of a maftiff' s running fu- 
rioufly fad dog ! towards two young ladies, and 
upon coming up to them, becoming inftantly gentle 
good dog ! and tradlable." 


C 9« 3 
To many a fonnet call thy claims in doubt, 

And " at one entrance fhut thy glory out." 
Vet MEWL thou still. Shall my lord's dor- 
moufe die, 125 

And low in dust without a requiem lie ! 
No, MEWL thou still : and while thy d — 's join, 
Their melancholy fymphonies to thine. 


Tantum ad narrandum argumentum eft benignitas. 

" When Orpheus took his lyre to hell 

To fetch his rib away. 
On that fame thing he pleas'd fo well. 

That devils learn'd to play. 

Befides in books it may be read. 

That whilft he fwept the lute 
Grim Cerb'rus hung his favage head. 

And lay aftoundly mute. 

But here we can with juftice fay 
That nature rivals art. 

t 99 3 
My righteous verfe (hall labour to restore 
The well-earned fame it robbed them of be- 
fore. 130 
Edwin, whatever elegies of woe 
Drop from the gentle mouths of Vaughan and 


To this or that, henceforth no more confined^ 
Shall, like a fumame, take in all the kind. 

Right! cry the brethren. When the heaven- 
born mufe 135 
Shames her defcent, and for low earthly views, 
Hums o'er a beetle's bier the doleful stave. 
Or fits chief mourner at a May-bug's grave, 
Satire fhould fcourge her from the vile employ. 
And bring her back to friendfliip, love, and 
joy. 140 


He fang a maftifF's rage away, 
You look'd one thro' the heart.'* 

Fecit Edwik. 

H 2 

C ioo 3 
But fparc Cefario*, Carlos , Adelaide', 


* Cefario. In the Baviad (p. 48) there are a few 
ftanzas of a moft delegable ode to an owl. They 
were afcribed to Arno : nor was I confcious of any 
miftake, 'till I received a polite note from that gentle- 
man, afluring me that he was not only not the author 
of them ; but (horefco referens) that he thought 
them " execrable." Mr. Bell, on the othtr hand, 
affirms them to be " admirable." 

Who fliall decide when doflors difagree ? 

Be this as it may, I am happy to fay that I have dif- 
covered the true author. They were written by Ce- 
fario; and as I rather incline to Mr. Bell, pace Arnd 
dixerim, I fliall make no fcruple of laying the re- 
mainder of this " mellifluous piece" before my 

** Slighted love the/oul fubduing. 

Silent forrow chills the hearty 
Treacherous fancy dill pur/uing. 

Still repels the poifoned dart. 

Soothing thofe fond dreams of pleafure 

Pi^ur'd in the gloiving breaft, 
Lanjtjb of her fweeteft treafure 

Anxious/<r«r is charm' d to reft,—. 

The truest poetefs ! the truest maid f 


Fearlefs o'er the whiten'd bilioivs. 

Proudly rife, fweet bird of night, 
Safely through the bending iviHo'Vjf 

Gently wing thy aery flight, 


Though I flatter myfelf I have good fenfe and tafte 
enough to fee, and admire the peculiar beauties of 
this ode, yet a regard for truth obliges me to declare 
they are not original. They are taken (with improve- 
ments, I confefs) from a moft beautiful " fong by a 
perfon of quality," in Pope's Mifcellanies. This, 
though it detracts a little from Cefario's inventive 
powers, ftill leaves him the praife (no mean one] of 
having gone beyond that great poet, in what he pro- 
bably confideredas the ne plus ultra of ingenuity. 

Venimus ad fummum fortunae ! Mr, Greathead 
equals Shakefpeare, Mrs. Robinfon furpafles Mil- 
ton, and Cefario outdoes Pope in that very perfor- 
mance, which he vainly imagined fo complete as to 
take away all defire of imitating, all poflibility of ext 
celling it 1 

O favoured clime ! O happy age ! 

H 3 

Lorenzo'', Rueben ', fpare : far be the thought 


2 Carlos. I have nothing of this gentleman (a 
nioft pertinacious fcribbler in the Oracle) but the 
following " fonnet :" luckily, however, it is fo in- 
effably ftupid, that it will more than fatisfy any 
reader but Mr. Bell's. 

OK A lady's PORTRAlt. 

Oft hath the poet hailed the breath of morn, 

That wakens nature with the voice of fpring. 
And oft, when purple fummer feeds the lawn. 

Hath fancy touched him with her procreant wing. 
Full frequent has he blefs'd the golden beam 

Which yellow autumn glowing fpreads around. 
And tho' pale winter prefl'd a paly gleam, 

Frelh in his breaft was young defcription found 

I can copy no more — Job himfelf would lofe all pati- 
ence here. Inflead, therefore, of the remainder of this 
incomprehenfible trafh, I will give the reader a firing of 
judicious obfervalions by Mr. T. Vaughan. " Bruyere 
fays, he will allow that good writers are fcarce enough, 
but adds, and juflly, that good critics are equally fo : 
which reminds our correfpondent alfo of what the 
Abbe Trublet ivrites, /peaking of profeffed critics. 

C 103 ] 

Of intereft, far from them. Unbribed, unbouglit, 

where \vtfays, if they were obliged to examine au- 
thors impartially there would be fewer writers in 

this ijoay. Was this to be the liberal pradlice adopted 
by our modern critics, we ftiould not fee a Baviad 
— (Oons! who is this Baviad !) — falling upon men 
and things, that are much above his capacity, and 
feemingly for no other reafon than becaufe they 
are fo." 

A Daniel come to judgment, yea, a Daniel ! This 
is in truth the reafon ; and when Mr.Vaughan and his 
coadjutors will condefcend to humble themfelves to 
my underftanding, I will endeavour to profit by their 
eloquent ilriftures. 

3 Adelaide. And who is Adelaide ? O feri fludio- 
rum ! " Not to know her argues yourfelves un- 
known." Hear Mr. Bell, the Longinus of Newf- 
paper writers. 


•' He who is here addrefled by the firft lyric writer 
in the kingdom, muft himfelf endeavour to repay a 
debt fo highly honourable, if it can be done by verfe ! 
This Lady fhall have the praife, which ought to be 


C 104 ] 
They pour * from their big breast's prolific zone, 


given by the country ! ! ! that of firft difcovering, 
and drawing out the fine poivers of Arno and Dellj^ 
Crufca l" 

*' O thou whom late I watch'd while o'er thee hung 
The orb, whofe glories I fo oft have fung. 
Beheld thee while dijlonuer of beam 
Made night a lovelier morning feem," &c. 

We might here difmifs this " firft lyric writer of 
the age," who, from her flippant nonfenfe, appears to 
be Mrs. Piozzi ; were it not for the fake of remark- 
ing, that whatever be the merit of " drawing out the 
fine powers of Arno" (which, it feems this ungrateful 
country has not yet rewarded with a ftatue) (he muft 
be content to fhare it with Julia. Hear her Invoca- 
tion — but firft hear Mr. Bell. *' A moft elegant com- 
pliment, which for generous efteem has been feldom 
equalled, any more than the mufe which infpired it." 


Arxio ! where Iteals thy dulcet lay 
Soft as the evening's minftrel note, 

Say, does it deck the rifing day. 
Or on the noon-tide breezes float III 

U 105 3 
A proud, poetic fervour, only known 


Mrs. Robinfon (for we may as well drop the name 
of Julia) has been guilty of a trifling larceny here ; 
haying taken from the Baviad without any ac- 
knowledgment, a delicious couplet which I flat- 
tered myfelf would never have been feen out of 
that poem but fo it is, that, like Pope, 

write whate'er I will. 

Some rifing genius sins up to it ftill. 

This has nettled me a little, and pofllbly injured 
the great poetefs in my opinion ; for I have been 
robbed fo often of late, that I begin to think with 
the old cEconomift, 

Ot^T®' acoi^iiv ^ft;^®' oj s| (jjisv ourtron sJe*. 

For the reft, this <' Invocation" called forth a 
fpecimen of Arno's fine powers in the following 
dulcet lays. 


Sure fome dire ilar inimical to man 
Guides to his heart the defolating fire, 

Fills with contention only his brief fpan, 
And rouzes him to murderous defire. 

C 106 ] 
To fouls like theirs' ; as Anna's youth infpires, 


There are who fagely fcan the tortured worid. 

And tell us war is but neceflity, 
That millions, by the great difpenfer hurl'd, 

Muft fuflFer by this fcourgc, and ceafe to be. 

Euge Poeta ! 
^ Lorenzo. Kat ttwj lyu H^nihi ^nyoift.' otv frifAX ti 

Says a hungry wight in an old comedy. But I know 
of no feafoning, whatever, capable of making the 
infipid garbage of this modern Sthenelus palatable, 
even to the voracious appetite of the blue-ftocking 
club : I fball therefore fpare myfelf the difguft of 
producing it. 

* Reuben, whom I take to be Mr. Greathead in 
difguife, (it being this gentleman's fate, like Hercules 
of old, to affiime the merit of all unappropriated 
prodigies) Reuben introduced himfelf to the World 
by the following " Addrefs to Anna Matilda." 

C 107 3 . 
As Laura's graces kindle fierce defires, 


To thee a ftranger dares addrefs his theme, 

To thee, proud miftrefs of Apollo's lyre, 
One ray emitted from thy golden gleam. 

Prompted by love would fet the world on fire I 
Adorn then love in fancy-tinftured veft, 

Camelion like, anon of various hue. 
By Penferofo, and Allegro dreft. 

Such genius claim'd when flie Idalia drew.. . 

Anna Matilda, what could flie lefs ! found 

this refufcitating praife 

Breathe life upon her dying lays, 

Like *' the daify which fpreads her bloom to the 
moift evening " ! ! ! and accordingly produced a 
matchlefs '< adornment of love," to the great con- 
tentment of the gentle Reuben. 

But bard polite, quoth fhe, how hard the tafk 
"Which \\\thfuch elegance you afk 1 

Who could have thought thefe lines, the fimple 
tribute of gratitude to genius, would have nearly 
occafioned " a perdition of fouls!" Yet fo it was. 
They unfortunately rouzed the jealoufy of Delia 

As Henriett For heaven's fake ! not fo faft. 

I too, my maftersi ere my teeth were caft, 150 

Crufca *< on the fportive banks of the Rhone.'* — 
One lucklefs evening 

" When twilight on the weftern edge 

Had twined his hoary hair with fabling fedge," 

as he was " weeping" (for, like Mafter Stephen, thefe 
good creatures think it neceffary to be always melan- 
choly) at the tomb of Laura, he ftarted, as well he 
might, at the accurfed name of Reuben. 

Hark ! quoth he, 
What cruel founds are thefe 
Which float upon the languid breeze. 
Which fill my foul with jealous fear ! 
Hah! Reuben is the name I hear. 
For him my faithlefs Anna, &c. 

It is with no fmall regret I add, that the cold- 
blooded Bell has deftroyed this beautiful fancy-fcene 
with one ftroke of his clownifh pen. In a note on the 
above lines (Album, p. 134) he officioufly informs us 
that Delia Crufca knew " nothing of his rival, till 
he read" deteftedword! ♦* his fonnet in the Ora- 
cle." O Bell ! Bell ! Is it thus thou humbleft the 
ftrains of the fublime ! Surely we may fay of thee 
what was not ill faid of one ^of thy fillers, 

Had learned, by rote, to rave of Delia's charms, 
To die of tranfports found in Chloe's arms, 
Coy Daphne with obstreperous plaints to woo, 
And curfe the cruelty of God knows who. 


V. 150. Atqui Ego cum graecos facerem, na- 
tus mare citra, 
Verficulos, vetuit tali me voce Quirinus 
Poft mediam vifus no6tem, cum fomnia vera. 


Sed tu infulfa male et molefta vives. 
Per quam non licet efle negligentem. 

• They pour, &c. 

-I love fo well 

Thy foul's deep tone, thy thought's high fwill, 
Thy proud poetic fervour known, 
But in thy breaft's prolific zone. 

Dell. Cruf. 

C "o 3 
When Phoebus, (not the Power that bade thee 
write, 155 

For he, dear Dapper ! was a lying fprite) 

One morn, when dreams are true, approached my 

And, frowning on my tuneful lumber, cried, 

** Lo ! every corner with foft fonnets crammed. 

And high-born odes, " works damned, or to be 
damned :" 160 

And is THY adive folly adding more 

To this most worthlefs, moft fuperfluous ftore ? 

O impotence of toil ! thou mighteft as well 

Give fenfe to Efte, or modefty to Bell. 

Forbear, forbear: what tho' thou canft not 
claim 165 

The facred honours of a POET's name. 

Due to the few alone, whom I infpire 

With lofty rapture, with etherial fire ! 

Yet mayft thou arrogate the humble praifc 

Of reafon's bard, if, in thy future lays, 1 70 

t "I 3 
Plain fenfe, and truth, (and fureljr thefc arc 

Corred thy wanderings, and thy flights confine." 

Here ceafed the God, and vaniflied. Forth I 

While in my ear the voice divine yet rang ; 

Seized every rag and fcrap, approached the 
fire, 175 

And faw whole Albums in the blaze expire. 

Then fliame enfued, and vain regret, to have 
So many hours (hours which I yet lament,) 

In thriftlefs induftry ; and year on year 

Inglorious rolled, while diffidence, and fear, 180 

Repreft my voice unheard till Anna came. 

What ! throbb'st thou YET, my bofom, at the 

name ? 

And chafed the oppreffive doubts that round me 

And fired my breast, and loofened all my tongue* 

[ I" 3 
E'en then (admire, John Bell! my fimplc 

ways) 185 

No heaven, and hell, d^iced madly thro' my 

No oaths, no execrations ; all was plain : 
Yet, truft me, while thy " ever jingling train" 
Chime their fonorous woes with frigid art, 
And (hock the reafon and Revolt the heart ; 190 
My hopes, and fears, in nature's language drest. 
Awakened love in many a gentle breast. 

How oft, O Dart ! what time the faithful 

Walked forth, the fragrant hour of eve to ihare. 
On thy romantic banks, have my wild ftrains*, 195 
(Not yet forgot amidst my native plains) 

V. 195. In fylvam non ligna feras infaniusy 

ac n 

Magnas Graecorum malis implere catervas—— 

• Mr. Parfons is extremely angry at my " often- 
tatious intrufion" of the " Otium Divos" into the 

T.SledumlliA.^,l. ,/.A>.«!'j«-»J.. 

Men'/'a/i. line 22'. 

/•uiUt/ud ./«/»- >s '797. tyJ.H^nffkt. /'iartdil/v 

C "3 3 
While THOU hast fweetly gurgled down the vale, 
Filled up the paufe of love's delightful tale ! 


notes on this poem. What could I do ? I ever 
difliked publifhing my little modicums on loofe pages 
— but I (hall growwifer by his example ; and, indeed, 
am even now compofmg " one Riddle^ two Rebuffes, 
and an Acroftic, to a child at nurfe,*" which will 
be fet forth with all convenient fpeed. Meanwhile 
I am tempted to offend once more, and fubjoin the 
only two of my " wild ftrains" that now live in 
my recoUedtion. I can affiire Mr. P. they were 
written on the occafions they prbfefs to be — and the 
laft of them at a time when I had no idea of fUr- 
viving to provoke his indignation: 

— • fed Cynarae breves 

Annos fata dederunt, me 
Servatura diu. 


Sweet flowers ! that from your humble beds 

Thus prematurely dare to rife, 
And truft your unprotefted heads 

To cold Aquarius* watry fkies j 

• See " One Epigram, Two Sonnets, and Onb Ode to 
a Boy at School, by W. Parfons, Efq." 


C 114 3 

While, ever as (he read, the confcious maid, 
By faultering voice, and downcast looks be- 
tray 'd 200 


Retire, retire! These tepid airs 

Are not the genial brood of May ; 
That fun with light malignant glares, 

And flatters only to betray. 

Stern Winter's reign is not yet paft— — 
Lo I while your buds prepare to blow, 

On icy pinions comes the blaft, 
And nips your root, and lays you low. 

Alas, for fuch ungentle doom ! 

But I will Ihield you ; and fupply 
A kindlier foil on which to bloom, 

A nobler bed on which to die. 

Come then — ere yet the morning ray 
Has drunk the dew that gems your creft, 

And drawn your balmiefl fweets away ; 
O come, and grace my Anna's bread. 

Ye droop, fond flowers ! But, did ye know 
What worth, what goodnefs there refidc. 

Your cups with livelieft tints would glow. 
And fpread their leaves with confcious pride. 

Would blufhing on her lover's neck recline, 
And with her finger — point the tenderest line. 


For there has liberal Nature join'd 

Her riches to the ftores of Art, 
And added to the vigorous mind. 

The foft, the fympathizing heart. 

Come then — ere yet the morning ray 
Has drunk the dew that gems your creft, 

And drawn your balmiefl fweets away ; 
O corne and grace my Anna's breaft. 

O ! I fhould think, — that fragrant bed 
Might I but hope with you to fhare,— 

Years of anxiety repaid. 

By one (hort hour of tranfport there. 

More bleft than me, thus fliall ye live 
Your little day ; and when ye die. 

Sweet flowers ! the grateful mufe fhall give 
A verfe j the forrowing maid, a figh. 

While I alas ! no diftant date. 
Mix with the duft from whence I came, 

Without a friend to weep my fate. 
Without a ftone to tell my name. 

I a 

C "6 J 

But thefe are past : and, mark me, Laura ! 
That made what then was venial, now a crime, 



I wifli I was where Anna lies ; 

For I am fick of lingering here 
And every hour AfFe<5lion cries, 

Go, and partake her humble bier. 

I wifh I could ! For when (he died 

I loft my all ; and life has prov'd 
Since that fad hour a dreary void, 

A wafte unlovely, and unlov'd.— 

But who, when I am turn'd to clay. 

Shall duly to her grave repair. 
And pluck the ragged mofs away. 

And weeds that have " no bufinefs there V* 

And who with pious hand Ihall bring 

The flowers fhe cherifh'd, fnow-drops cold. 

And violets that unheeded fpring, 
To fcatter o'er her hallow'd mold ? 

C "7 3 

To more befitting cares my thoughts confined, 205 
And drove with youth, its follies from my mind. 

And who, while memory loves to dwell 

Upon her name for ever dear, 
Shall feel his heart with paflion fwell. 

And pour the bitter, bitter tear ? 

I DID IT ; and would fate allow, 

Should vifit ftill, (hould ftill deplore- 
But health and ftrength have left me now. 
And I alas ! can weep no more. 

Take then, fweet maid ! this fimple drain. 

The laft I offer at thy ftirine ; 
Thy grave muft then undeck'd remain. 

And all thy memory fade with mjne. 

And can thy foft perfuafive look, 
Thy voice that might with mufic vie. 

Thy air, that every gazer took. 
Thy matchlefs eloquence of eye. 

Thy fpirits, frolickfome, as good. 
Thy courage, by no ills difmay'd. 

Thy patience, by no wrongs fubdu'd, 

Thy gay good-humour — Can they " fade!" 

I 3 

C "8 3 

Since then, while Merry, and his nurfelings die, 
Thrill'd * by the liquid peril of an eye ; 


V. 207. Turgidus Alpinus jugulat dum 
Memnona, dumque 
Diffingit Rheni luteum caput, haec ego ludo, 
Quae nee in aede fonent certantia, judice Tarpa. — 


Perhaps — but forrow dims my eye : 
Cold turf, which I no more muft view, 

Dear name, which I no more muft figh, 
A long, a lafl, a fad adieu ! 

• Thrilled, &c. 

Bid the ftreamy lightnings fly. 
In liquid peril from thy eye. 

Dell. Cms. 

Ne'er (halt thou know to figh> 

Or on a foft idea die, 

Ne'er on a recolleftion gafp. 

Thy arms Ohe I jam fatis eft. 

Anna Mat. 

C "9 3 

Gafp at a recolledtion, and drop down 
At the long ftreamy lightning of a frown ; 210 
I footh, as humour prompts, my idle vein 
In frolick verfe, that cannot hope to gain 
Admiflion to the Album, nor be feen 

In L *s Review, or Urban's Magazine. 

O, for thy fpirit, Pope ! Yet why ? My 

lays, 215 

That wake no envy, and invite no praife, 
Half-creeping, and half-flying, yet fuffice 
To ftagger impudence, and ruffle vice. 
An hour may come, fo I delight to dream, 
When flowly wandering by thy facred ftream, 220 
Majeftic Thames ! I leave the world behind. 
And give to fancy all th' enraptur'd mind. 
An hour may come, when I fliall ftrike the lyre 
To nobler themes : then, then, the chords infpire 
With thy own harmony, moft fweet, moft 

ftrong, 225 

And guide my hand thro' all the maze of fong ! 
Till then, enough for me, in fuch rude ftrains 
As mother Wit can give, and thofe fmall pains 

[ 140 ] 

A vacant hour allows ; to range the town, 
And hunt the clamorous brood of Folly down ; 230 
Force every head, in Efte's defpite, to wear 
The cap and bells, by nature planted there. 
Muffle the rattle, feize the flavering {holes, 
And drive them, fcourged and whimpering, to 

their holes. 
Burgoyne*, perhaps, unchill'd by creeping 

age, 235 

May yet arife, and vindicate the ftage ; 
The reign of nature and of fenfe reftore, 
And be whatever Terence was before. 


V. 235. Arguta meretrice potes, Davoque 
Eludente fenem, comis garrire libellos 
Unus vivorum, Fundani. 


* Burgoyne. See the note on v. ai. 

C "I 3 
And you, too, whole Menander ! who combine 
With his pure language and his flowing line, 240 
The SOUL of Comedy ; may fteal an hour 
From the fond chace of ftill-efcaping power, 
The poet and the fage again unite. 
And fweetly blend instruction with delight. 

And yet Elfrida's bard, tho' time has fhed 245 
The fnow of age too deep around his head ; 
Feels the kind warmth, the fervour, that infpired 
His youthful breast, still glow unchecked, un- 

tired : 
And yet, tho' like the bird of eve, his fong 
** Fit audience finds" not in the giddy throng ; 250 
The notes, tho' artful wild, tho' numerous chaste, 
Fill with delight the fober cafe of taste, 

put thefe, and more I could with honour name, 
Too proud to stoop, like me, to vulgar game. 


V. 245. molle atque facetum 

Virgilio annuerunt gaudentes rure Camenae. 

C 12* 3 

Subje6ls more worthy of their daring chufe, 255 
And leave at large the abortions of the mufe. 
Proud of their privilege, the innumerous fpawn, 
From bogs and fens, the mire of Pindus drawn, 
New vigour feel, new confidence affume. 
And fwarm like Pharaoh's frogs in every room. 260 

Sick of th' eternal croak which, ever near. 
Beat like the death-watch on my tortured ear ; 
And fure, too fure, that many a genuine child 
Of truth and nature, checked his wood-notes 


• Checked his wood-notes wild. ^noirnuaHut xoXoiwn 
euTonon xux»o». But this is better illuftrated in a moft 
elegant fable of LelTing's, to which I defpair of doing 
juflice in a tranflation. 

Du zurneft, Liebling der Mufen, &c. &c. 

Thou art troubled, darling of the Mufes, thou art 
troubled at the clamorous fwarms of infefls which 
infeft Parnaflus. O hear from me what once the 
nightingale heard from the ftiepherd. 

C "3 ] 

Dear to the feeling heart in doubt to win 265 

The vacant wanderer, midst th' unceafing din 
Of this hoarfe rout ; I feized at length the wand ; 
Refolved, tho' fmall my (kill, tho' weak my 

The mifchief in its progrefs to arrest, 
And exorcife the foil of fuch a pest. 270 

Hence ! in the name 1 fcarce had fpoke, 

when lo ! 
Reams of outrageous fonnets *, thick as fnow. 

Sing then, faid he to the filent fongftrefs, one lovely 
evening in the fpring, fing then, fweet nightingale! 
Alas ! faid the nightingale, the frogs croak fo loud, 
that I have loft all defire to fing : doft thou not hear 
them ? I do, indeed, replied the fhepherd — but thy 
filence alone is the caufe of it. 

" There's comfort yet !" 

* Reams of outrageous fonnets. Of thefe I have 
collected a very reafonable quantity, which I purpofe 

["4 3 
Flew round my head ; yet, in my caufe fecure 
" Pour on," I cried, " pour on, I will endure." — 


to prefix to fome future edition of the Mseviad, under 
the true claflic head of 






Meanwhile I (hall prefent the reader with the two firft 
that occur, as a fpecimcn of the coUeftion. 


** To the anonymous author of the Baviad, oc- 
cafioned by his fcurrilous, and moft unmerited attack 
on Mr. Wefton. 

Demon of darkness ! whofoe'er thou art, 
That dar'ft aflume the brighter angel's form. 

And o'er the peaceful vale impel the ftorm, 
With many a figh to rend the bcttefi heart, 

C "S ] 
What ! (hall I flirink, becaufe the noble 
train 275 

Whofe judgement I impugn, whofe tafle arraign, 


Force from th' unconfctous eye the tear to ftart. 

And with juft fride th' indignant bofom warm ; 
Avaunt ! to where unnumber'd fpirits fwarm, 

Foul and malignant as thyfelf, depart. 
Genius of Pope defcend, ye fervile crew 

Of imitators vile, intrude not ! ! ! I appeal 
To thee, and thee alone from outrage bafe. 

Tell me tho' fair the forms his fancy drew, 
Should'ft thou the fecrets of his heart reveal. 
Would fame his memory crown, or cover with dif- 

J. M. 
Gent, Mag. Aug. 1792. 

This poor driveller, who is ftupid enough to be 
Wefton's admirer, and malignant enough to be his 
friend, I take to be one Morleyj* whom I now and 

• I was right. Mr. Morley, who I underftand is a clergy- 
man, and who, like Mr. Parfoos, exults in the idea of having 

C "6 3 

Alive, and trembling for their favourites* fate^ 
Purfue my verfewith unrelenting hate ! 


then obferve in the Gent. Mag. ufhering his great 

firft attacked me, has fince publifhed a *' Tale," the wit, 
or rather duUaefs of which, if I recoiled right, coniifts in 
my being difappointed of a Living ! 

Here follow a few of the introduftory linei which for 
poetry and pleafaotry can only be exceeded by fome of Mr. 

•< What if a little once I did abufe thee ? 

" Worfe than thou hadft deferved I could not ufe thee. 

" For when I fpied thy Satyr's cloven foot, 

" 'Tis very true, I took thee for a brute ; ' 

*• And marking more attentively thy manners, 

** I fince have wiflied thy hide were at the tanner's. 

*' But if a man thou art, as fome fuppofe, 

" Oh! how my fingers itch to pull thy nofe! 

** As pleafed as Punch, I'd hold it in my gripe, 

*' Till Parkinfon had ftuffed thee for a fnipe ! I ! 

It is rather fingular that this ftilUbora lump of infipidity 
(hould be introduced to the Bookfeller under the aufpices of 
Doctor Parr. If that rcfpe£table name was not abufed 

C "7 3 

No : faveme from their praise, and I can fit 

Calm, unconcerned, the butt of Andrew's wit, 280 
And Topham's fenfe j perverfely gay, can fmile 
While Efte, the zany, in his motley ftyle, 


prototype's doggrel into notice, with an importance 
truly worthy of it. 


To the execrable Baviad. 

Monster of Turpitude! who feem'ft inclined 
Through me to pierce with thy impregnate dart, 

on the occafion, I can only fay that politics, like mifery, 
" bring a man acquainted with ftrange bedfellows"! 

For the reft, I will prcfent Mr. Morley with a couple of 
lines, which, if he will get conftrued and ferioufly reflcft 
upon, before he next puts pen to paper, may be of more 
fervice to him, than all the iiiflruflion, and all the encou* 
ragement, the Dofior, apparently, ever gave him : 

Cur ego laborem notus eHe tarn pravi 
Cum flare gratis cum filcntio polTiml 

C »8 ] 

Calls barbarous names ; while Bell and Boaden 

And Vaughan, a brother blockhead's verfe to 



V. 283 — 288. Men' moveat cimex Pantilius ? 
autcrucier, quod 
Vellicet abfentem Demetrius ? aut quod ineptus 
Fannius Hermoginis laedat conviva Tigelli ? 


The Jine -/pun nerve of each full Sofom'd mind,* 
And rock in apathy — the sensi VE heart, 

Tremble I forlo! my Oracle -fo famed 

Shall RING each morn in thy accursed ear 

A griding pang ! so when the Grecian MAREf 

Enter'd the /otu«, old Pyramus exclaim'd 

* Qucre fall-bottom'd ? Printer's Devil, 

f Grecian Mare. This has been hitherto, inaccurate!/ 
enough, named the Trojan horse ; and, indeed, I myfelf 
had nearly fallen into the unfcholarlike error, when my 

C "9 ] 
Toils day by day my eharader to drkw^ 285 

And heaps upon me every thing— but law. 

I fee ! I fee ! and hurl'd his lightning fpear. 

While Capaneus drew back his head — for fear, 

And godlike* Alexander gazing round, 

Unconfcious of his viftories — to come, 
Approach'd the monarch, and withyb^j profound 
Explain'd th' impending wrath o'er Ilium's royal 

J. Bell. 

learned friend Greathcad convinced me (from I^ope's emen> 

dations of Virgil, under the fantafiic name of Scriblerus) 

that the animal in queftion was a mare— She being there 

faid to be foeta armis, armed with a fatus. Let us hear no 

more, therefore of the Trojan horse. 

The patronymick Trojan is ftill more abfurd. Homer 

exprefsly declares the Mare to have been produced by Pal« 

las — Palladisarte : now Pallas was a Grecian Goddefs, as 

is fufiiciently manifeft from her name, which is derived from 

n«M« vibro. 

J. Bell. 

♦ Godlike ; that is, SmhJi)?, from ^to, God, and i,5))f, 
like, (Vide Hom-^ Tranflators in general (I except a late 


C 130 3 
But do I then, (abjuring every aim) 
All cenfure flight, and all applaufe difclaim ? 
Not fo : where judgment holds the rod, I bow 
My humbled neck, awed by her angry brow ; 290 
Where tafte and fenfe approve, I feel a joy 
Dear to my heart, and mixed with no alloy. 
I Write not to the modifli herd : my days. 
Spent in the tranquil fliades of letter'd eafe, 
Alk no admiring stare from thofe I meet, 295 
No loud " that's he !" to make their pafTage 

I ■ ' ■ ■ ■ — . ■■, ■ ■ I II - 1. „ < .111 - II .^ 


One) are too inattentive to the compound epithets of this 
great poet. By why does Homer call Alexander Codlike, 
when he appears from Curtius Quintiufes tedious gazette, 
in verfe, to have had one Ihoulder higher than the other ? 

My friend V thinks it was purely to pay his court to 

him, in hopes of getting into his Will, or rather into his 
MISTRESSES. It may bc fo ; but 'ti$ ftrangc the abfurdity 
was never noticed before. 

t 131 3 
Pleafed to steal foftly by, unmarked, unknown, 
I leave the world to Holcroft, Pratt*, and 


* Pratt. This gentleman lately put in pradlice a 
very notable fcheme. Having fcribbled himfelf fairly 
out of notice, he found it expedient to retire to the 
continent for a few months — to provoke the enqui- 
ries of Mr. Lane's indefatigable readers. 

Mark the ingratitude of the creatures ! No en~ 
quiries were made, and Mr. Pratt was forgotten be- 
fore he had crofled the channel. Ibi omnis efFufus 
labor. — But what ! 

The moufe that is content with one poor hole, 
Can never be a moufe of any foul. 

Baffled in this expedient, he had recourfe to another, 
and, while we were dreaming of nothing lefs, came 
before us in the following paragraph. 

** A few days fince died, at Bafle in Swiflerland, 
the ingenious Mr. Pratt. His lofs will be feverely 
felt by the literary world ; as he joined to the ac- 
complifhments of the gentleman the erudition of the 

C J3» 3 
Of thefe enough. Yet may the few I love. 
For who would fing in vain ! my verfe ap- 
prove ; 300 
Chief thou, my friend ! who, from my earliest 

Hast fhared my joys, and more than fhared my 


V. 300. probat haec Odavius, optimus 

Fufcus : & haec utinam Vifcorum laudet uterque ! 


This was inferted in the London papers for 
feveral days fuccedively. The country papers too 
*« yelled out like fyllables of dolour." At length, 
while our eyes were yet wet for the irreparable 
lofs we had fuftained, came a fecond paragraph 
as follows. 

C 133 3 
Sure, if our fates hang on fome hidden Power, 
And take their colour from the natal hour. 
Then, Ireland * ! the fame planet on us 
rofe; 305 

Such the strong fympathies our lives difclofe 1 


** As no event pf late has caufed a more general 
forrow than the fuppofed death of the ingenious Mr. 
Pratt ; we are happy to have it in our power to aflTure 
his numerous admirers, that he is as well as they 
can wifti, and (what they will be delighted to hear) 
bufied in preparing his Travels for the prefs." 

♦« Laud we the Gods!" 

* Here, on account of its connexion with the per- 
fon mentioned in the text, I fliall take the liberty — 
cxtremum hunc mihi concede of inferting the foU 
lowing " Imitation," addrefled to him feveral years 
fince. It was never printed ; nor, as far as I know, 
feen by any but himfelf: and I tranfcribe it for the 
prefs, with mingled fenfations of gratitude and de- 
light, at the favourable change of circumftances we 
have BOTH experienced Hnceit was written. 

C 134 ] 
Thou knowest how foon we felt this influence 
And fought the brook and coppice hand in hand, 




LIB. II. ODE 16. 

OtiumDivos rogat, ice. 

When howling winds, and louring Ikies, 
The light, untimber'd bark furprife 

Near Orkney's boifterous feas ; 
The trembling crew forget to fwear. 
And bend the knees, unufed to prayer, 

To aflc a little eafe. 

For cafe the Turk, ferocious, prays, 
For eafe the barbarous Rufle for eafe, 

Which P k could ne'er obtain ; 

Which Bedford lack'd amidft his ftore. 
And liberal Clive, with mines of ore, 

Oft bade for — but in vain. 

♦ Now Vicar of Croydon in Surry, and Author of 
•« Difcourfcs on the RejtSion of the GoJ^el iy the Antient 
Jtwf and Greeks." 

E '3S 3 
And fliaped rude bows, and uncouth whistles 

And paper kites (a last, great effort,} flew^ 310 

For not the liveried troop that wait 
Around the manfions of the great, 

Can keep, my friend, aloof; 
Fear, that attacks the mind by fits, 
And Care, that like a raven flits 

Around the lordly roof. 

" O, well is he" to whom kind heaven 
A decent competence has given ! 

Rich in the blefling fent ; 
He grafps not anxioufly at more, 
Dreads not to ufe his little ftore. 

And fattens on content. 

" O well is he !" for life is loft, 
Amidft a whirl of paflions toft ; 

Then why, dear Jack, ftiould man, 
Magnanimous Ephemera ! ftretch 
His views beyond the narrow reach 

Of his contracted fpan 1 

Why fliould he from his country run. 
In hopes, beneath a foreign fun, 


C 136 ] 
And when the day was done, retired to rest. 
Sleep on our eyes, and funfliine in our breast. 


Serencr hours to find ? 
Was never man in this wild chace, 
Who changed his nature with his place. 

And left himfelf behind. 

For, winged with all the lightning's fpeed. 
Care climbs the bark, Care mounts the. (te?d, 

An inmate of the breaft : 
Nor Barca's heat, nor Zembla's cold. 
Can drive from that pernicious hold. 

The too-tenacious gueft. 

They, whom no anxious thoughts annoy, 
Qrateful, the frefent hour enjoy, 

Nor feek the next to know ; 
To lighten every ill they ftrive, 
Nor, ere Misfortune's hand arrive, 

Anticipate the blow. 

Something muft ever be amifs 

Man has HIS joys; but perfe£^ blifs 

C 137 ] 
In riper years, again together thrown, 
Our studies, as our fports before, were one. 

Lives only in the brain : 
We cannot all have all we want ; 
And Chance, unaflced, to this may grant 

What THAT has begg'd in vain. 

Wolf ruflied on death in manhood's bloom, 
Paulet crept flowly to the tomb; 

Here breath, there fame was given : 
And that wife Power who weighs our lives. 
By contras yzndihy pros,* contrives 

To keep the balance even. 

* In the earlier editions of this poem (which were printed 
during my abfence from town) there was an enormous 
hallucination in this place — no lefs than a tranfpofuion of 
an R \ This very naturally called forth all the indignation 
of the lynx-eyed and learned Mr. Parfons, and he comment- 
ed upon it in the following terms. 

" It would be endlefs to notice all the errors of this 
" prefumptuous pedant, whofe dullnefs is equal to h^s 
" impudence, his fal(hood and malignity ; and before h^ 

C 138 3 
Together we explored the stoic page 315 

Of the Ligurian, stern the' beardlefs fage ! 


To THEE fhe gave two piercing eyes, 
A body juftof Tydeus' fize. 

A judgment found, and clear ; 
A mind with various fcience fraught, 
A liberal foul, a thread bare coat. 

And forty pounds a year. 

" makes a parade of greek quotations againft fuch a writer 
" as Edwin*, he fhould at lead learn latin; but in this 
«« every merchant's clerk will deteA him." 

* Our Ariftarchus is at '< his old lunes," blundering 
again. The only quotation I have made againft Edwin (to 
ufe Mr. Parfons's elegant phrafe) is a latin, and not a greek 
one — but 'tis lofs of time to talk to fuch naturals of 
quotations. The morofoph Efte (Telegraph, April 28) 
announced an Ode of Horace's as a compofition of Mr. 
Parfons's, and Parfons himfelf undoubtedly miftook the verfe 
alluded to, for a profe exclamation of my own ! 

r 139 3 

Or traced the Aquinian thro* the Latine road. 
And trembled at the lafhes he bestowed. 
Together too, when Greece unlocked her stores. 
We roved in thought o'er Troy's devoted 
(hores ; 320 

Or followed, while he fought his native foil, 
** That old man eloquent" from toil to toil ; 
Lingering with good AlcinoUs o'er the tale, 
Till the east reddened, and the stars grew pale. 


To ME one eye not over good, 

Two fides, that, to their coft, have flood 

A ten years heftic cough ; 
Aches, flitches, all the numerous ills 
That fwell the devilifh doctor's bills. 

And fweep poor mortals off. 

A coat more bare than thine, a foul 
That fpurns the croud's malign controul ; 

A fixed contempt of wrong ; 
Spirits above affliflion's power, 
And fkill to charm the lonely hour 

With no inglorious fong. 

I 140 3 

So past our life ; till fete, fcvcrcly kind, 325 
Tore us apart, and land and fea disjoined. 
For many a year : now met, to part no more. 
The afcendant Power, confefled fo ftrong of yore. 
Stronger by abfence, every thought controuls. 
And knits in perfect unity our fouls. 33Q 

O Ireland! if the verfethat thus effays 
To trace our lives " e'en from our boyifli 

Meet thy applaufe : the world befide may rail — 

I care not at the uninterefting tale : 

I only feek, in language void of art, 335 

To ope my breaft, and pour out all my heart ; 
And boaftful of thy various worth, to tell. 
How long we lov'd, and thou canft add, how 


Thou too, MTHOPPNERlifmy wifti availed, 
Should'ft praife the ftrain that but for thee had 
failed : 340 

Thou knowest, when Indolence pofleffed me all. 
How oft I rouzed at thy infpiring call ; 

C «4i 3 
Burft from the Syren's fafcinating power, 

And gave the Mufe thou loveft, one studious 
Proud of thy friendfhip, while tlic voice of 
fame 345 

Purfues thy merits with a loud acclaim, 
I ftiare the triumph — not unpleafed to fee 
Our kindred destinies ; for thou like me. 

Waft thrown too foon on the world's dangerous 

To fink or fwim, as chance might best de- 
cide. 350 

Me, all too weak to gain the distant land. 

The waves had whelmed, but that an outstretched 

Kindly upheld, when now with fear unnerved — 

And still protedls the life it then preferved. 

Thee, powers untried, perhaps unfelt be- 
fore, 355 

Enabled, tho' with pain, to reach the fhore, 

[ »4» ] 

While West stood by, the doubtful strife to 

Nor lent a friendly arm to help thee through. 
Nor ceafed the labour there : Hate, ill-fupprest. 
Advantage took of thy ingenuous breast, 360 

Where faving wifdom yet had plac'd no fcreen, 
But every word, and every thought was feen. 
To darken all thy life— 'Tis past: more 

Thro' the difparting gloom thou strikest the 

fight ; 
While baffled malice hastes thy powers to 

own, ' 365 

And wonders at the worth fo long unknown. 
I too, whofe voice no claims but truth's e'er 

Who long have feen thy merits, long have loved. 
Yet loved in filence, lest the rout fliould fay 
Too partial friendfhip tuned th' applaufive 

lay ; 370 

C »43 3 
Now, now that all confpire thy name to raife, 
May join the (hout of unfufpeded praife. 

Go then, fince the long struggle now is o'er. 
And envy can obstruct thy fame no more ; 
With ardent.hand thy magic toil purfue, 375 

And pour frefh wonders on our raptured view. 
One SUN is fet, one glorious sun ; whofc 

Long gladdened Britain with no common blaze : 
O, may'ft thou foon (for clouds begin to rife) 
Affert his station in the eastern fkies, 380 

Glow with his fires, and give the world to fee 
Another Reynolds rifen. My friend, in 

But whither roves the Mufe ? I but defigned 
To note the few whofe praife delights my mind ; 
But friendfhip's power has drawn the verfc 

astray, 385 

Wide from its aim, a long, but flowery way. 
Yet one remains, one name for ever dear. 
With whom, converfing many a happy year, 

[ 144 ] 

I marked with fecret joy the opening bloom 

Of Virtue, prefcient of the fruits to come, 390 

Truth, honour, red^itude O while thy breast, 

My Belgrave! of its every wifti poflest, 
Swells with its recent tranfports, recent fears. 
And tenderest titles strike, yet charm thy ears. 
Say, wilt thou from thy feelings paufe awhile, 395 
To view my humble labours with a fmile ? 
Thou wilt : for still 'tis thy delight to praife. 
And still thy fond applaufe has crowned my lays. 
Here then I rest ; foothed with the hope to 
The approbation of " the few I love," 400 

Joined (for ambitious thoughts will fometimes 

Joined to th' endurance of the good and wife. 
Thus happy — I can leave with tranquil breast 
Fafhion's loud praife to Laura and the rest. 
Who rhyme and rattle, innocent of thought, 405 
Nor know that nothing can proceed from nought. 

C 145 3 
Thus happy, — I can view unruffled, MileSj 
Twift into fplay-foot doggrel all St. Giles. 
Edwin fpin paragraphs with Vaughan's whole 

Efte rapt in nonfenfe, gnaw his grey-goofe 

quill, 410 

Merry in dithyrambics wail his wrongs, 
And Wefton, foaming from Pope's odious 

" Much-injured Wefton," vent in odes his grief. 
And fly to Urban for a (hort relief. 


V. 410. Complures alios, do6tos ego quos — 
Prudens praetereo : quibus haec lint qualiacunque 
Arridere velim ; doliturus, fi placeant fpe 
Deterius nostra. Demetri teque Tigelli, 
Difcipularum inter jubeo plorare cathedras. 



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