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BAVIAD, 


AND 


M  ^  V  I  A  D, 


miLUMGIFFORD,  Efq. 


Tota  cohors  taraen  eft  inimica,  omnefque  manipli 
Confenfu  magno  officiunt,  curabitis,  ut  fit 
Vindifla  gravior  quam  injuria  :  dignum  erit  ergo 
Declamatoris  Mutinenfis  corde  Vagelli 
Cum  duo  crura  habeas  ofFendere  tot  caligatos. 


A  NEW  EDITION  REVISED. 


LONDON : 

PRINTED    FOR    J.  WRIGHT,    OPPOSITE    OLD    BOND 
STREET,    PICCADILLY. 


MDCCXCVII. 


Cs  <~\  .;*■    ,i     \ 


"PR 

&3  ^ 

T  O 

JOHN  HOPPNER,  ESQ.  R.A. 

THE  FOLLOWING  PAGES 
ARE  RESPECTFULLY  INSCRIBED 
AS  A  SMALL  BUT  GRATEFUL  MEMORIAL 

OF  THE 
AFFECTIONATE  AND  FAITHFUL  REGARD 
OF  HIS 
MOST  OBLIGED  FRIEND 

AND  SERVANT, 

London^ 
July  15,   1797.  THE   AUTHOR. 


V 


INTRODUCTION. 


I 


N  1785,  a  few  Englifh  of  both  fexes''', 
whom  chance  had  jumbled  together  at  Florence, 
took  a  fancy  to  while  away  their  time  in  fcrib- 
bling  high-flown  panegyrics  on  themfelves  ;  and 
complimentary  **  canxonnettas"  on  two  or  three 
Italianst,  who  underftood  too  little  of  the  language 

*  Among  whom  I  find  the  names  of  Mrs.  Piozzi, 
Mr.  Greathead,  Mr.  Merry,   Mr.  Parfons,  &c. 

f  Mrs.  Piozzi  has  fince  publifhed  a  work  on  what 
fhe  is  pleafed  to  call  British  Synonimes;  the 
better,  I  fuppofe,  to  enable  thefe  gentlemen  to  com- 
prehend her  multifarious  erudition. 

a  3 


C  viii  2 
in  which  they  were  written,  to  be  difgufted  with 
them.  In  this  there  was  not  much  harm  ;  nor, 
indeed,  much  good  :  but,  as  folly  is  progreffive, 
they  foon  wrought  themfelves  into  an  opinion  that 
they  really  deferved  the  fine  things  which  were 
mutually  faid  and  fung  of  each  other. 

Though  **  no  one  better  knows  his  own  houfe** 
than  I  the  vanity  of  this  woman ;  yet  the  idea  of 
her  undertaking  fuch  a  work  had  never  entered  my 
head ;  and  I  was  thunderftruck  when  I  firft  faw  it 
announced.  To  execute  it  with  any  tolerable  de- 
gree of  fuccefs,  required  a  rare  combination  of 
talents,  among  the  leaft  of  which  may  be  numbered 
neatnefs  of  ftyle,  acutenefs  of  perception,  and  a 
more  than  common  accuracy  of  difcrimination ;  and 
Mrs.  Piozzi  brought  to  the  talk,  a  jargon  long  fince 
become  proverbial  for  its  vulgarity,  an  utter  incapa- 
bility of  defining  a  fingle  term  in  the  language,  and 
juft  as  much  Latin  from  a  child's  Syntax,  as  fufficed 
to  expofe  the  ignorance  fhe  fo  anxioufly  labours  to  con- 
ceal. *'  If  fuch  a  one  be  fit  to  write  on  Synonimes, 
fpeak."  Pignotti  himfelf  laughs  in  his  fleeve;  and 
his  countrymen,  long  fince  undeceived,  prize  the 
lady's  talents  at  their  true  worth, 

Et  centum  Tales*  curto  centufle  licentur. 
•  Quere  Thrales  ?  Printer's  Devil. 


[     ix     ] 

Thus  perfuaded,  they  were  unwilling  their 
inimitable  productions  fhould  be  confined  to 
the  little  circle  that  produced  them  ;  they  there- 
fore tranfmitted  them  hither ;  and,  as  their 
friends  were  enjoined  not  to  fhew  them,  they 
were  firft  handed  about  the  town  with  great 
affiduity,  and  then  fent  to  the  prefs. 

A  ftiort  time  before  the  period  we  fpeak  of, 
a  knot  of  fantastic  coxcombs  had  fet  up  a  daily 
paper  called  the  World  *.  It  was  perfedly 
unintelligible,  and  therefore  much  read :  it  was 
equally  lavifti  of  praife  and  abufe,  (praife  of 
what  appeared  in  its  own  columns,  and  abufe  of 
every  thing  that  appeared  elfewhere,)  and  as  its 
condudlors  were  at  once  ignorant  and  conceited, 
they  took  upon  them  to  diredl  the  taste  of  the 

•  In  this  paper  were  given  the  earlieft  fpecimens 
of  thofe  unqualified,  and  audacious  attacks  on  all 
private  chara6ler ;  which  the  town  firft  fmiled  at 
for  their  quamtnefs,  then  tolerated  for  their  abfur- 
dity ;  and  now — that  other  papers  equally  wicked, 
and  more  intelligible,  have  ventured  to  imitate  it, 
—will  have  to  lament  to  the  laft  hour  of  Britifli 
liberty. 


C    X    3 
town,  by  prefixing  a  fliort  panegyric  to  every 
trifle  which  came  before  ihem. 

It  is  fcarcely  neceflary  to  obferve  that  Yenda« 
and  Laura  Marias,  and  Tony  Pafquins,  have 
long  claimed  a  prefcriptive  right  to  infeft  moft 
periodical  publications :  but  as  the  Editors  of 
them  never  pretended  to  criticife  their  harmlefs 
produdlions,  they  were  merely  read,  laughed  at, 
and  forgotten.  A  paper,  therefore,  that  intro- 
duced their  trafli  with  hyperbolical  encomiums, 
and  called  on  the  town  to  admire  it,  was  an  ac- 
quifition  of  the  utmoft  importance  to  thefe  poor 
people,  and  naturally  became  the  grand  depofitory 
of  their  lucubrations. 

At  this  aufpicious  period  the  firft  cargo  of  poe- 
try arrived  from  Florence,  and  was  given  to  the 
public  though  the  medium  of  this  favoured  pa- 
per. There  was  a  fpecious  brilliancy  in  thefe  ex- 
otics, which  dazzled  the  native  grubs,  who  had 
fcarce  ever  ventured  beyond  a  flieep,  and  a  crook, 
and  a  rofe-trce  grove,  with  an  oftentatious  dif- 
play  of  "  blue  hills,"  and  "  cralhing  torrents," 


and  "  petrifying  funs  !"*  From  admiration  to 
imitation  is  but  a  ftep.  Honeft  Yenda  tried  his 
hand  at  a  defcriptive  ode,  and  fucceedcd  be- 
yond his  hopes  ;  Anna  Matilda  followed ;  in  a 
ivord. 

contagio  labem 

Hanc  dedit  in  plures,  ficut  grex  totus  in  agris 
Unius  fcabie  cadit,  et  porrigine  porci. 

*  Here  Mr.  Parfons  is  pleafed  to  advance  his  far- 
thing rufli-light.  "  Crafhing  torrents  and  petrify- 
ing funs  are  extremely  ridiculous" —  babes  confiten- 
tem  !  "  but  they  are  not  to  be  found  in  the  Florencis 
Mifcellany."  Who  faid  they  were  ?  But  apropos 
of  the  Florence  Mifcellany.  Mr.  Parfons  fays  I 
obtained  a  copy  of  it  by  a  breach  of  confidence;  and 
ftems  to  fancy,  good  man  !  that  I  derived  fome  pro- 
digious advantage  from  it :  yet  I  had  written  both  the 
poems,  and  all  the  notes  fave  one,  before  I  knew 
there  was  fuch  a  treafure  in  exiftence.  He  might 
have  feen,  if  paffion  had  not  rendered  him  as  blind 
as  a  mill-horfe,  that  I  conftantly  allude  to  poems  pub- 
lifhed  feparately  in  the  periodical  fheets  of  the  day, 
and  afterwards  collefted  with  great  parade  by  Bell 
and  others.  I  never  looked  into  the  Florence  Mif- 
cellany but  once  ;  and  the  only  ufe  I  thenmade  of  it, 
was  to  extract  a  founding  paffage  from  the  odes  of  that 
deep-mouthed  Theban,  Bertie  Greathead,  Efqr. 


While  the  epidemic  malady  was  fpreading 
from  fool  to  fool,  Delia  Crufca  came  over,  and 
immediately  announced  himfelf  by  a  fonnet  to 
Love.  Anna  Matilda  wrote  an  incomparable 
piece  of  nonfenfe  in  praife  of  it ;  and  the  two 
**  great  luminaries  of  the  age,"  as  Mr.  Bell  calls 
them,  fell  defperately  in  love*  with  each  other. 

•  The  termination  of  this  "  everlafting"  attachment 
was  curious.  When  the  genuine  enthuliafm  of  the 
correfpondence  (Preface  to  the  Album)  had  con- 
tinued for  fome  time,  Delia  Crufca  became  impatient 
for  a  fight  of  his  beloved,  and  Anna,  in  evil  hour, 
confented  to  become  vifible.  What  was  the  confe- 
quence ! 

Tafia  places,  audita  places,  Ji  non  'videare 
Tota  places,  w&vXxoJi  'utdeare  places. 

Mr.  Bell,  however,  tells  the  ftory  another  way; 
and  he  is  probably  right.  According  to  him, 
•*  Chance  alone  procured  him  an  interview."  What- 
ever procured  it,  all  the  lovers  of  "  true  poetry", 
with  Mrs.  Piozzi  at  their  head,  expected  wonders 
from  it.  The  flame  that  burnt  with  fuch  ardour, 
while  the  lady  was  yet  unfeen,  they  hoped  would 
blaze  with  unexampled  brightnefs  at  the  fight  of  the 
bewitching  objefl.  Such  were  their  hopes.  But 
what,  as  Dr.  Johnfon  gravely  afks,  are  the  hopes  of 
man  I  or  indeed  of  woman  1 — for  this  fatal  meeting 


C    xiii    3 
From  that  period  not  a  day  paffed  without  an 
amatory  epiftle  fraught  with  lightning  and  thun- 
der, et  quicquid  habent  telorum  armamentaria 

coeli. The  fever  turned  to  a  frenzy :  Laura 

Maria,  Carlos,  Orlando,  Adelaide,  and  a  thou- 
fand  other  namelefs  names  caught  the  infedlion  ; 
and  from  one  end  of  the  kingdom*  to  the  other, 
all  was  nonfenfe  and  Delia  Crufca. 

put  an  end  to  the  whole.  Except  a  marvellous  di- 
thyrambic  which  Delia  Crufca  wrote  while  the  im- 
preflion  was  yet  warm  upon  him,  and  which  con- 
fequently  gave  a  moft  accurate  account  of  it  j  nothing 
has  fince  appeared  to  the  honour  of  Anna  Matilda  : 
and  the  "  tenth  mufe,"  the  "  angel,"  the  "  god- 
defs,"  has  funk  into  an  old  woman ;  with  the  com- 
forting reflection  of  having  lifped  love  drains  to  an 
ungrateful  fwain. 

non  hie  eft  fermo  pudicus 

In  'vetula,  quoties  lafcivum  intervenit  illud 

•  Kingdom.  This  is  a  trifle.  Heaven  itfelf,  if  we 
may  believe  Mrs.  Robinfon,  took  part  in  the  general 
infatuation. 

"  When  midft  etherial  fire 


Thou  ftrik'ft  thy  Della  Cruscan  lyre. 


C  xiv  ] 
Even  THEN,  I  waited  with  a  patience  which 
I  can  better  account  for,  than  excufe,  for  fome 
one  (abler  than  myfelf)  to  ftep  forth  to  corredl 
the  growing  depravity  of  the  public  tafte,  and 
check  the  inundation  of  abfurdity  that  was  burft- 
ing  upon  us  from  a  thoufand  fprings.  As  no 
one  appeared,  and  as  the  evil  grew  every  day 
more  alarming  (for  now  bed-ridden  old  women, 
and  girls  at  their  famplers,  began  to  rave)  I  de- 
termined, without  much  confidence  of  fuccefs, 
to  try  what  could  be  efFedled  by  my  feeble 
powers  ;  and  accordingly  wrote  the  Following 
Poem. 


Round  to  catch  the  heavenly  fong, 
Myriads  of  ivondering  tenphs  throng!" 

I  almoft  fliudder  while  I  quote  :  but  fo  it  ever  is. 

Fools  rufh  in  where  angels  fear  to  tread. 

And  Merry  had  given  an  example  of  impious  temerity, 
which  this  wretched  woman  was  but  too  eager  to 
imitate. 


THE 


BAVIAD. 


BAVIAD, 


PARAPHRASTIC  IMITATIOxV 


FIRST  SATIRE  OF    PERSIUS. 


Impune  ergo  mihi  recitaverit  ilU Sou  iXTAtt 
Hie  £  L  z  c  o  s ! 


^       When  I  look  tound  on  tnan,  and  find 
how  vain 
His  paflions — 

F.  Save  us  from  this  canting  ftrain  ! 
Why^  who  will  read  it  ? 

PERS.    SAT.    I. 

"  O  CURAS  hominum  !    O  quantum  eft  in 
rebus  inane! 
Quis  leget  haec?     Min'  tu  iftud  ais?     Nemo, 
hercule.     Nemo  ? 
B 


[  2  ] 

p.     Say 'ft  thou  this  to  me  ? 
(2^  F.     None,  by  my  life. 

P.     What,  none  ?  Nay,  two  or  three — 
F.  No,  no  ;  not  one.     *Tis  fad  j  but— 

P.     Sad  ;  but— Why  ?  5 

Pity  is  infult  here.     I  care  not,  I, 

Vel  duo,  vel  nemo :  turpe  et  miferabile.    Quare  ? 


*  Cul  non  diSfus  Hylas  ?  And  who  has  not  heard  of 
James  Bofvvell,  Efq.  f  All  the  world  knows  (for  all 
the  world  has  it  under  his  own  hand)  that  this  great 
man  compofed  a  BALLAD  in  honour, of  Mr.  Pitt, 
with  very  little  affiftance  from  Trufler,  and  lefs  from 
Mr.  Dibdin  ;  which  he  produced  to  the  utter  confu- 
fion  of  the  Foxites,  and  fung  at  the  Lord  Mayor's 
table.  This  important  <*  (late  paper"  I  have  not 
been  able  to  procure,  thanKs  to  the  fcombri,  et  quic- 
quid  inept t  amicittr'  cbartis  ,  out  the  terror  and  dif- 
may  it  occafioned  amongfl  the  enemy,  with  a  variety 
of  other  circumftances  highly  neceffary  to  be  known, 
may  be  gathered  from  the  following  letter : 

To  the  Conductor  of  the  World. 

SIR, 

The  wafps  of  oppofition  have  been  very 
bufy   with    my   State  Ballad,    *<    the  Grocer    of 


t    3    3 
^  Tho'  *  Bofwell,  of  a  fong  and  fupper  vaitij 
And  Bell's  whole  choir  (an  ever-jingling  train) ^ 

''  Ne  mihi  Polydamas  &  Troiades  Labeoneiii 
Praetulerint :  nugae. 

NOTES; 

LoNDdN,'*  and  they  are  welcome.  Priy  let  theni 
know  that  I  am  vain  of  a  hafty  compofition  which  has 
procured  me  large  draughts  of  that  popular  applaufe 
in  which  I  delight.  Let  me  add,  that  there  was  cer- 
tainly no  fervility  on  my  part ;  for  I  publicly  declared 
in  Guildhall,  between  the  encores,  "  that  this  fame 
**  Grocer  had  treated  me  arrogantly  and  ungratefully  ; 
*'  but  that,  from  his  great  merit  as  a  Minifter,  I  was 
'•  compelled  to  fupport  him  !" 

The  time  will  come,  when  I  (hall  have  a  proper 
opportunity  tofhew,  that  in  one  inftance  at  leaft,  the 
man  has  wanted  wifdom. 

Atqui  vultus  erat  multa  &  prseclara  minantis. 

Poor  Bozzy !  But  I  too  threaten. — And  is  there  need 
cf  thy  example,   then,  to  convince  me  that  on 


-our  firmed  refolutions 


The  noifelefs  and  maudible  foot  of  death 
Steals  like  a  thief  I 

B   2 


^\^ 


C   4    3 
In  fplay-foot  madrigals  their  pow'rs  combine. 
To  praife  *  Miles  Andrews'  verfe,  and  cenfure 
mine —  lO 

*  No,  not  a  jot.     Let  the  befotted  town 
Beftow  as  fafhion  prompts  the  laurel  crown  ; 


'  • -Non,  fi  quid  turbida  Roma 

Elevet,  accedas  :  examenve  improbum  in  ilia 

NOTES. 

•  This  gentleman,  who  has  long  been  known  as  an 
indudrious  paragraph-grinder  to  the  morning  papers, 
took  it  into  his  head  fome  time  fince  to  try  his  hand 
at  a  Prologue.  Having  none  of  the  ufual  requifites 
for  this  bufinefs,  he  laboured  to  little  purpofe  ;  till 
Dulnefs,  whofe  attention  to  her  children  is  truly  ma- 
ternal, fuggefted  to  him  that  unmeaning  ribaldry  and 
vulgarity  might  podibly  be  fubftituted  for  harmony,  fpi- 
rit,  tafte,  and  fenfe. — He  caught  at  the  hint,  made  the 
experiment,  and  fucceeded  to  a  miracle.  Since  that 
period  every  play-wright,  from  O'KeefFe  to  Delia 
Crufca,  "  a  heavy  declenfion  !"  has  been  folicitous  to 
preface  his  labours  with  a  few  lines  of  his  manufac- 
turing, to  excite  and  perpetuate  the  good  humour  of 
his  audience.  As  the  reader  may  probably  not  dif- 
like  a  fhort  fpeciraen  of  Mr.  Andrews's  wonder- 
working poetry,  I  have  fubjoined  the  following  ex- 


C    5    3 
But  do  not  Thou,  who  mak'ft  a  fair  pretence 
To  that  beft  boon  of  Heaven,  Common  Sense, 

Caftiges  trutina :  nee  te  quaefiveris  extra. 

NOTES. 

trafl  from  his  laft  and  beft  performance,  his  prologue 
to  Lorenzo. 

*'  Feg,  cries  fat  Madam  Dump,  from  Wap- 

ping  "Wall, 
**  I  dont  love  plays  no  longer  not  at  all, 
*•  They're  now  fo  vulgar,  and  begin  fo  foon, 
**  None  but  low  people  dines  till  afternoon  ; 
**  Then  they  mean  fummot,  and  the  like  o'  that, 
*'  And  its  impoffible  to  fit  and  chat. 
«*  Give   me  the  uppero,  where    folks  come   fo 

grand  in, 
"  And  nobody  need  have  no  underftanding. 

"  Ambizione  !  del  tiranno  ! 

«*  Piu  forte,  piu  piano,  a  che  fin — 

*'  Zounds!  here'smy  warrant,  and  I  will  come  in. 

«*  Diavolo  1  who  comes  Piere  to  fo  confound  us  ? 

**  The  conftables,    to  take  you  to    the  round- 

houfe. 
**  Dc  round-houfe,  ? — Mi ! 
*'  Now  comes  the  dance,  the  demi  charaftere, 
«'  Chacone,  the  pas  de  deux,  the  here,  the  there  ; 

B3 


C     <5    ] 
^i         Refign  thy  judgment  to  the  rout,  and  pay  I5 

Knee-worfliip  to  the  idol  of  the  day : 
For  all  are 

Nam  Romae  eft  quis  non  ?  ^  at,  fi  fas  dicere : 
fed  fas 

NOTES. 

**  And  laft,  the   chief  high-bounding  on  the 
loofe  toe, 

Or  pois'd  like  any  Mercury,  O  che  gafio ! 

And  this  was  heard  with  applaufe  I  And  this  was 
read  with  delight  i  O  fhame  !  where  is  thy  blufh  i 

— :— morantur 
Pauci  ridiculum  efFugientem  ex  urbe  pudorem.* 

•  It  is  rightly  obferved  by  Solomon  that  you  may 
bray  a  fool  in  a  mortar  without  making  him  wifer. 
ypon  this  principle  1  account  for  the  ftationary  ftu- 
pidity  of  Mr.  Andrews ;  whofe  faculties,  God  help 
the  while!  do  not  feem  a  whit  improved  by  the 
dreadful  pounding  he  has  received.  Of  him  there- 
fore I  waft  my  hands — but  I  would  fain  a(k  Meffrs. 
Morton  and  Reynolds  (the  worthy  followers  of 
O'Kceffe,  and  thp  preftnt  fupportcrs  of  the  Britifh 


C     7     ] 
F.    What  ?  Speak  freely  ;  let  me  know. 

P.     ^  O  might  I !  durft  I  I  Then but  let        p^ 

it  go. 

Tunc,  cum  ad  canitiem,  et  noftrum  iftud  vivere 

trifle 
Afpexi,  et  nucibus  facimus  quaecunque  reli<^is, 
Cumfapimuspatruos:  tunc,  tunc.  Ignofcite.  Nolo. 

NOTES. 

Stage)  whether  it  be  abfohitely  neceflary  to  introduce 
their  Pieces  with  fuch  ineffable  nonfenfe  as  this 

Betty,  it's  come  into  my  head 

Old  maids  grow  crofs  becaufe  their  cats  are  dead ; 

My  governefs  hath  been  in  fuch  a  fufs 

About  the  death  of  our  old  tabby  pufs. 

She  wears  black  (lockings— ha  !    ha !  what  a  pother, 

'Caufe  one  old  cat's  in  mourning  foi  another  *1 

If  IT  BE  NOT — for  common-fenfe*  fake,  Gentle- 
men fpare  us  the  difgrace  of  it ;  and  O  Heavens  !  if 
IT  BE — deign  in  mercy  fometimes  to  apply  to  the 
Bellman,  or  the  Grave-ftone  cutter,  that  we  may  ftand 
a  little  chance  of  having  our  ribaldry  and  our  dog- 
grel  "  with  a  difference. " 

*  See  THE  WILL — A  Bartholomew-fair  farce  by 
Mr.  Reynolds. 

B4 


C    8    3 
Yet,  when  I  view  the  follies  that  engage 
The  full-grown  children  of  this  piping  age  ;     20 
Sec  fnivelling  Jerningham  at  fifty  weep 
O'er  love-lorn  oxen  and  deferted  (heep  ; 
See  Cowley  *  frifk  it  to  one  ding-dong  chime. 
And  weekly  cuckold  her  poor  fpoufe  in  rhyme ; 
See  Thrale's  grey  widow  with  a  fatchel  roam,  25 
And  bring  in  pomp  laborious  nothings  home  ; 
See  Robinfon  forget  her  ftate,  and  move 
On  crutches  tow'rds  the  grave,  to  t  "  Light  o' 
Love  i" 

NOTES. 

•  For  the  poetic  amours  of  this  lady,  fee  the  Britifh 
Album,  particularly  the  poem  called  the  Interview  ; 
of  which,  foit  dit  en  paffant,  I  have  a  moft  delegable 
talc  to  tell,  when  time  fhall  ferve. 

+  Light  o'  Love,  that's  a  tune  that  goes  'without  a 
burden.  Shakespeare. 

J  In  the  firfl  editions  of  this  and  the  following 
poem,  I  had  overlooked  Mr.  Parfons,  though  an  un- 
doubted Bavian.  This  nettled  him.  Ha  !  quoth  he, 
in  the  words  of  a  well  known  writer,  "  Better  be 
damn'dthan  mentioned  not  at  all."    He  accordingly 


C    9    3 

See  Parfons  ^  while  all  found  advice  he  fcorns, 
Miftake  two  foft  excrefcences  for  horns ;  30 


applied  to  me*  (in  a  circuitous  manner  I  confefs)  and 
as  a  particular  favour  was  finally  admitted,  in  the 
fliape  of  a  motto,  into  the  title  page  of  the  Maeviad. 
Thefe  w^cre  the  lines. 

May  he  who  hates  not  CRUScA's/oA^rverfe, 
Love    Merry's  drunken  profe,  fo   fmooth  and 

terfe  ; 
The  fame  may  rake  for  fenfe  in  Parson's  flcull. 
And  (hear  his  hogs,  poor  fool !  and   milk    his 
bull. 
The  firfl  diftich  contains  what  Mr.  Burke  calls  "  high 
matter  ;"  andean  only  be  understood  by  the  initiated  ; 
the  fecond  (would  it  had  never  been  written  !)  inftead 
of  gratifying    the   ambition    of  Mr.    Parfons,    as  I 
fondly  expefted,  and  quieting  him   for  ever,  had  a 
moft  fatal  effefl  upon  his  poor  head,  and  from  an  ho- 
neft  pains-taking  gentleman  converted  him  in  ima- 
gination into  a  Minotaur. 

Continuo  implevit  falfis  mugitibus  urbem, 
Et  faepe  in  laevi  quasfivit  cornua  frontem. 

♦  Parsons  1  know,  and  this  I  heard  him  fay, 

Thitft  QifFord's  harmlcfs  page  before  him  lay, 
I  too  can  LAUGH,  Iwas  the  first  beginner. 

Parsons  of  Himself,  Teleg.  March  19. 
Quatn  multi  faciunc  quod  Eros,  fed  lumine  ficco, 
Pis  major  lachrymas  rioet,  et  intushabet! 


C     lo     ] 
And  butting  all  he  meets,  with  aukward  pains, 
Lay  bare  his  forehead,  and  expofe  his  brains  : 
I  fcarce  can  rule  my  fpleen 


The  Motto  appeared  on  a  Wednefday  ;  artd  on  the 
Saturday  after,  the  morofoph  Efte  (who  appears  to 
have  believed  in  the  reality  of  the  metamorphofis) 
publifhed  the  firft  bellowings  of  Mr.  Parfons,  with 
the  following  introduftion  : 

On  Mr.  GIFFORD's  MOTTO. 

"  The  following  spirited  chastisement  of 
the  vulgar  ignorance  and  malignity  in  queftion,  was 
fent  on  Thurfday  night — but  by  an  accidental  error 
in  one  of  our  clerks,  or  in  the  fervant  delivering 
the  copy  at  the  office,  it  was  unfortunately  miflaid  !" 

Why,  this  is  as  it  fhould  be  ; — "  the  Gods  take  care 
of  Cato!"  Who  fees  not  that  they  interfered,  and 
by  conveying  the  copy  out  of  the  compofitor's  way, 
procured  the  Author  of  the  Maeviad  two  comfor- 
table nights  !   But  to  the  "  fpiritedchaftifement. " 

**  Nor  wool  the  pig,  nor  milk  the  bull  produces." 

The  profundity  of  the  laft  obfervation,  by  the 
bye,  proves  Mr.  Parfons  to  be  an  accurate  obferver 
of  nature:  and  if  the  three  Iriflimen  who  went  nine 
miles  to  fuck  a  bull,  and  came  back  a-dry,  had 
fortunately  had  the  honour  of  his  acquaintance,  we 


r  "  3 

F.     Forbear,  forbear: 
And  what  the  great  delight  in  learn  to  fpare. 

NOTES. 

fliould  probably  have  heard  nothing  of  their  far- 
famed  expedition. 

**  Nor  wool  the  pig,  nor  milk  the  bull  produces, 
**  Yet  each  has  fomething  for  far  different  ufes  : 
^*  For  boars,  pardie!  have  tuflcs,  and  bulls  hav6 

*'   HORNS." 

H,  Ne/AECJ?  St  Komuv  tyfOf^xTo  <I>J1NAN, 

for  from  that  hour  fcarce  a  week,  or  indeed  a 
day,  elapfed,  in  which  Mr.  Parfons  did  not  make 
himfelf  ridiculous,  by  threatening  me  in  the  Tele- 
graph, the  Oracle,  &c.  with  thofe  formidable  non- 
entities. 

Well  and  wifely  fingeth  the  poet : — Non  unus  mentes 
agit at  furor.  Yet  while  I  give  an  involuntary  fmile 
to  the  oddity  of  Mr.  Parfons'  difeafe,  I  cannot  but 
lament  that  his  friends  (and  a  gentleman  who  is  faid 
to  belong  to  more  clubs  than  Sir  Watkin  Lewis, 
muft  needs  have  friends)  I  cannot,  I  fay,  but  la- 
inent  that  on  the  firft  appearance  of  thofe  knobs, 
thofe  '<  excrefcences,  "as  I  call  them,  his  friends  did 
not  have  him  cut  for  the  fimples ! 


C    I*    3 

'P.     It  muft  not,   cannot  be ;    for  I   was 
born  35 

To  brand  obtrufive  ignorance  with  fcorn  ; 
On  bloated  pedantry  to  pour  my  rage. 
And  hifs  prepofterous  fuftian  from  the  ftage. 
Lo,  Della  Crusca*!  in  his  clofet  pent. 
He  toils  to  give  the  crude  conception  vent.       40 

*  Quid  faciam  ?  fed  fum  petulanti  fplene  cachinno, 
Scribimus  incluli,  numeros  ille,  hie  pede  liber, 

NOTES.' 

•  Lo,  Della  Crusca  I 

"  O  thou,  to  whom  fuperior  worth's  allied, 

"  Thy  Country's  honour,  and  the  Mufes  pride — ♦» 

So  fays  Laura  Maria— 

et  folem  quis  dicere  falfum 
Audeat  ? 

Indeed  (he"  fays  a  great  deal  more  ;  but  as  I  do  not 
underhand  it,  I  forbear  to  lengthen  my  quotation. 

Innumerable  Odes,  Sonnets,  &c.  publifhed  from 
time  to  time  in  the  papers,  have  juftly  procured  this 
gentleman  the  reputation  of  the  firft  poet  of  the  age  : 
but  the  performance  which  called  forth  the  high- 
founding  panegyric   above  mentioned,  is  a  philofo- 


C    13    3 
Abortive  thoughts  that  right  and  wrong  confound, 
Truth  facrific'd  to  letters,  fenfe  to  found  ; 

Grande  aliquid,    quod  pulmo  animae  praelargus 
anhelet : 

NOTES. 

phical  rhapfody  on  the  French  Revolution,  called  the 
Wreath  of  Liberty. 

Of  this  poem  no  reader  (fro'vided  he  can  read)  is 
at  this  time  ignorant:  but  as  there  are  various  opi- 
nions concerning  it,  and  as  I  do  not  choofe  perhaps 
to  difpute  with  a  lady  of  Mrs  R — 's  critical  abilities, 
I  (hall  felefl  a  few  paflages  from  it,  and  leave  the 
world  to  judge  how  truly  its  author  can  be  faid 
to  be 

"  gifted  with  the  facred  lyre, 

♦*  Whofe  founds  can  more   than  mortal  thoughts 
infpire." 

This  fupernatural  effort  of  genius,  then,  is  chiefly 
diftinguiftied  by  three  very  prominent  features. — ■ 
1.  Downright  nonfenfe.  2.  Downright  frigidity. 
3.  Downright  doggrel. — Of  each  of  thefe  in  its  turn  : 
and  firft  of  the  firll. 

Hang  o'er  his  eye  the  goffamery  tear. 
Wreath  round  her  airy  harp  the  tim'rous  joy. 
A  web-work  of  defpair,  a  mafs  of  woes. 
And  o'er  my  lids  the  fcalding  tumour  roll. 


t     14    3 
Falfe  glare,  incongruous  images,  combine ; 
And  noife  and  nonfenfe  clatter  through  the  line. 

'  Scilicet  haec  populo,  pexufque  togaque  recentij 

NOTES. 

**  Tumour,  a  morbid  fwelling."  Johnson.  An 
excellent  thing  to  roll  over  an  eye,  efpecially  if  it 
happen  to  be  hot  and  hot,  as  in  the  prefent  cafe. 

fummer-tints  begemm'd  the  fcene. 

And  filky  ocean  flept  in  glofly  green. 

While  air's  noflurnal  ghoft,  in  paly  Hiroud, 
Glances  with  griefly  glare  from  cloud  to  cloud. 

And  gauzy  zephyrs,  fluttring  o'er  the  plain, 
On  twilight's  bofom  drop  their  filmy  rain. 

Unus  inftar  omnium !  This  couplet  ftaggered  me, 
I  fhould  be  loth  to  be  found  correcting  a  madman ; 
and  yet  mere  folly  feems  unequal  to  the  produ6lion 
of  fuch  exquifite  nonfenfe. 

2do. 

days  of  old 
Their  perifh'd,  proudeft,  pageantry  unfold. 

nothing  I  defcry. 

But  the  bare  boaft  of  barren  heraldry. 

the  huntrefs  queen. 

Showers  her  (hafts  of  filver  o'er  the  fcene. 
To  thefe   add,    moody  monarchs,  radiant   rivers, 
cooling  cataraas,  lazy  loires  (of  which,  by  the  bye, 


C    15    3 
"Tis  done.      Her  houfe  the  generous   Piozxi 
lends,  45 

Et  natalitia  tandem  cum  fardonyche  albus, 

NOTES. 

there  are  none),  gay  garonnes,  gloomy  glafs,  mingling 
murder,  dauntlefs  day,  lettered  lightnings,  delicious 
dilatings,  finking  forrows,  rich  reafonings,  melio- 
rating mercies,  dewy  vapours  damp  that  fweep  the 
filent  fwamp  ;  and  a  world  of  others,  to  be  found  in 
the  compafs  of  half  a  dozen  pages. 

3tio. 
In  phofphor  blaze  of  genealogic  line. 
N.  B.  Written  to  "  the  turning  of  a  brazen  candle 
ftick." 

O  better  were  it  ever  to  be  loft 

In  black  negation's  lea,  than  reach  the  coaft. 

This  couplet  may  be  placed  to  advantage  under  the 
firft  head. 

Should  the  zeal  of  parliament  be  empty  words. 

turn  to  France,  and  fee 

Four  million  men  in  arms  for  liberty. 

doom  for  a  breath 

A  hundred  reafoning  hecatombs  to  death. 


C    x6    3 

**^     And  thither  fummons  her  blue-ftocking  friends ; 
\j)^\     ^       1  The  fummons  her  blue-ftocking  friends  obey,  \    \| 

\^  ^yf^       J  Lur'd  by  the  love  of  Poetry — and  Tea. 


^      -    .. 


'^'\fy\  •        The  Bard  fteps  forth  in  birth-day  fplendour 
dreft, 
y^     ^       His  right  hand  graceful  waving  o'er  his  breaft  ;  50 
w'^j.C'    -^  His  left  extending,  fo  that  all  might  fee, 

"^  A  roll    infcrib'd    "   The   Wbeath    of  Li- 

berty." 


Sede  legens  celfa,  liquido  cum  plafmate  guttur 
Mobile  collueris,  patranti  fradtus  ocello, 

NOTES. 

A  hecatomb  is  a  facrifice  of  a  hundred  head  of 
oxen.  Where  did  this  gentleman  hear  of  their  rea- 
Joning  ? 

Awhile  I'll  ruminate  on  time  and  fate  ; 
And  the  mofl:  probable  event  of  things       . 

EuCE,   MAGKB  POETA  !  Well  may  Laura  Maria 
fay. 

That  Genius  glows  in  every  claflic  line, 
And  Nature  di<^ates— every  thing  that's 
thine. 


C    17    ] 
So  forth  he  fteps,  and  with  complacent  air, 
Bows  round  the  circle,  and  aflumes  the  chair  : 
With  lemonade  he  gargles  firft  his  throat,         55 
Then  fweetly  preludes  to  the  liquid  note : 
2  And  now  'tis  filence  all.    Genius  or  muse* — 
Thus  while  the  flowry  fubjedl  he  purfues, 
A  wild  delirium  round  th'  affembly  flies  ; 
Unufual  luftre  flioots  from  Emma's  eyes  ;  60 

Luxurious  Arno  drivels  as  he  ftands ; 
And  Anna  friflcs,  and  Laura  claps  her  hands. 

8  Hie  neque  more  probo  videas,  neque  voce  ferena 
Ingentes  trepidare  Titos,  cum  carmina  lumbum 

NOTES, 

•  Genius  or  Muse,  whoe'er  thou  art,  whofe 

thrill 
Exalts  the  fancy,  and  inflames  the  will, 
Bids  o'er  the  heart  fublime  fenfation  roll. 
And  wakes  ecftatic  fervour  in  the  foul. 

See  the  commencement  of  the  Wreath  of  Liberty, 
where  our  great  poet,  with  a  dexterity  peculiar  to 
himfelf,  has  contrived  to  fill  feveral  quarto  pages 
without  a  fingle  idea. 

c 


^\ 


C    i8    3 
*  O  wretched  man !    And  dost  thou  toil   to 
pleafe, 
V  -  At  this  late  hour*  fuch  prurient  ears  as  thefe  ? 

Is  thy  poor  pride  contented  to  receive  65 

Such  tranfitory  fame  as  fools  can  give  r 
Fools  who  unconfcious  of  the  critic's  laws. 
Rain  in  fuch  (how'rs  their  indistinft  applaufe. 
That  Thou,  even  Thou,  who  liv'st  upon  re- 
'  '  nown, 

And  with  eternal  puffs  infult'st  the  town,  70 


Intrant,  et  tremulo  fcalpuntur  ubi  intima  verfu. 
^  Tun'  vetule  auriculis  alienis  colligis  efcas  ? 
Auriculis  quibus  et  dicas  cute  perditus  ohe  ! 

NOTES. 

•  I  learn  from  Delia  Crufca's  lamentations  that  he 
is  declined  into  the  vale  of  years  j  that  the  women 
fay  to  him,  as  they  formerly  faid  to  Anacreon,  Tifutu* 
and  that  Love,  about  two  years  fince, 

**  tore  his  name  from  his  bright  page, 

And  gave  it  to  approaching  age." 


C    19    3 

l^s^        Art  forc'd  at  length  to  check  the  idiot  roar. 

And  cr}',  **  For  heaven's  fweet  fake,  no  more,  no 

"  more !" 
"  But  why  (thou  fay 'ft)  why  am  I  leam'd,  why  ■ 

"  fraught  '\J\/'     p^ 

"  With  all  the  priest  and  all  the  fage  have 

taught, 
**  If  the  huge  mafs,  within  my  bofom  pent,      75 
**  Muft  ftruggle  there,  defpairing  of  a  vent  ?" 
^Thou  learn'd!  Alas,  for  Learning!  She  is 

fped. 
And  hast  thou  dimm'd  thy  eyes,  and  rack'd  thy 

head 
And  broke  thy  reft  for  this,  for  this  alone  ? 
And  is  thy  knowledge  nothing  if  not  known  ?  80 


Quo  didicifle,  nifi  hoc  fermentum,  et  quae  femel 

intus 
Innata  eft,  rupto  jecore  exierit  caprificus  ? 
En  pallor,  feniumque.     *  O  mores !  ufque  adeone 
Scire  tuum,  nihil  est,  nifi  te  fcire  hoc,  fciat  alter  ? 
C  2 


[20] 

O  fool,  fool,  fool !— k  But  ftill,  thou  crieft,  *tis 
fweet 
ri  To  hear  "  That's   He  !"  from  every  one   we 

meet ; 
That's  he  whom  critic  Bell  declares  divine, 
For  whom  the  fair  diurnal  laurels  twine  ; 
».  i  Whom  Magazines,  Reviews,  confpire  to  praife,  85 

And  Greathead  calls  the  Homer  of  our  days. 

F.     And  is  it  nothing,  then,  to  hear  our  name 
Thus    blazon'd    by   the  general  voice    of 
fame  ? 
P.     Nay,  it  were  every  thing,  did  that  dif- 
\!  N|  penfe 

The  fober  verdifl  found  by  tafte  and  fenfe.         90 
But  mark  our  jury.     O'er  the  flowing  bowl, 
When  wine  has  drown'd  all  energy  of  foul, 

^  At  pulchrum  eft  digito  monftrari,  et  dicier.  Hie 

eft: 
Ten  cirratorum  centum  didata  fuifle 
Pro  nihilo  pendes  ?  Ecce  inter  pocula  quaerunt 
Romulidae  faturi,  quid  dia  poemata  narrent. 


C      21       ] 

Ere  Faro  comes  (a  dreary  interval !) 

For  fome  fond  faftiionable  lay  they  call.  ^  / 

Here  the  fpruce  enfign,  tottering  on  his  chair,    95 

With  lifping  accent,  and  afFeded  air, 

Recounts  the  wayward  fate*  of  that  poor  poet, 

Who  born  for  anguifti,  and  difpos'd  to  fhew  It, 

Hie    aliquis,    cui   circum  humeros  hyacinthina 

laena  eft, 
Rancidulum  quiddam  balba  de  nare  locutus, 

NOTES. 

•  Recounts  the  wayward  fate. — In  the  Interview 
(fee  the  Britifti  Album)  the  lover  finding  his  miftrefs 
inexorable,  comforts  himfelf,  and  juftifies  her,  by 
boafting  how  well  he  can  play  the  fool.  And  never 
did  Don  Quixote  exhibit  half  fo  many  extravagant 
tricks  in  the  Sierra  Morena,  for  the  beaux yeux  of 
his  Dulcinea,  as  our  diftrafled  amorofo  threatens  to 
perform  for  the  no  lefs  beautiful  ones  of  Anna  Ma- 
tilda. 

"  Yes,  I  will  prove  that  I  deferve  my  fate. 
Was  born  for  anguifli,  and  was  form'd  for  hate  j 
"With  fuch   tranfcendent  woe  will  breathe   my 

figh, 
**  That  envying  fiends  fhall  think  it  ecftafy,"  &c. 

C3 


\V 


^ 


C    "    3 
Did  yet  fo  aukwardly  his  means  employ. 
That  gaping  fiends  mistook  his  grief  for  joy.    loo 

Lost  in  amaze  at  language  fo  divine, 
The  audience  hiccup,  and  exclaim,  "  Damn'd 

fine !" 
And  are  not  now  the  author's  aflies  blest  ? 
Now  lies  the  turf  not  lightly  on  his  breast  ? 
Po  not  fweet  violets  now  around  him  bloom  ?  1 05 
Laurels  now  burst  fpontaneous  fronts  his  tomb. 

F.     This  is  mere  mockery  :  and  (in  your  car) 
Reafon  is  ill  refuted  by  a  fneer. 
Is  praife  an  evil  ?  Is  there  to  be  found 
One  fo  indifierent  to  its  foothing  found,  up 

As  not  to  wifh  hereafter  to  be  known. 
And  make  a  long  futurity  his  own  ; 
Rather  than — 

P. — With  'Squire  Jerningham  defcend 
To  pastry-cooks    and  moths,  "  and  there  an 

end !" 

Phyllidas,  Hypfipylas,  vatum  et  plorabile  fi  quid 
Eliquat,  et  tenero  fupplantat  verba  palato. 


C       23       ] 

*  O  thou   that  deign'st  this  homely  fcene  to 
fliare,  115 

Thou  know'st  when  chance  {tho'  this  indeed  be 
rare  *J 

Affenfere  viri.     Nunc  non  cinis  ille  poetae 
Felix  ?  non  levior  cippus  nunc  imprimit  offa  ? 
Laudant  convivae  nunc  non  e  manibus  illis. 
Nunc  non  e  tumulo,  fortunataque  favilla. 
^  Quifquis  es,  O,  modo quern  ex  adverfo  dicere  feci, 
Non  ego,  cum  fcribo,  fi  forte  quid  aptius  exit, 
Quando  hoc  rara  avis  eft,  fi  quid  tamen  aputius 

exit, 
Laudari  metuam ;  nequeenim  mihi cornea  fibraeft: 
Sed  redti  finemque  extremumque  effe  rccufo 


NOTES. 

*  To  fee  how  a  Crufcan  can  blunder !  Mr.  Par- 
fons  thus  politely  comments  on  this  unfortunate  he- 
miftich. 

*•  Thou  lowefl;  of  the  imitating  race, 

**  Thou  imp  of  fatire,  and  thou  foul  difgrace  ; 

«*  Who  calleft  each  coarfe  phrafe  a  lucky  hit,  &c." 

C4 


C     »4    ] 
With  random  gleams  of  wit  has  grac'd  my  lays, 
Thou  know'ft  too  well  how  I  have  reUTh'd  praife. 
Not  mine  the  foul  that  pants  not  after  fame — 
Ambitious  of  a  poet's  envied  name,  1 20 

I  haunt  the  facred  fount,  athirft  to  prove 
The  grateful  influence  of  the  ftream  I  love. 
And  yet,  my  friend  (though  ftill  at  praife  be- 

ftow'd 
Mine  eye  has  gliften'd,    and    my    cheek    has 

glow'd) 

Nafcentur  violae  ?  Rides,  ait,  et  nimis  uncis 
Naribus  indulges  :  an  erit,  qui  velle  recufet 
Os  populi  meruifl!e  ;  et  cedro  digna  locutus, 
Linquere  nee  fcombros  metuentia  carmina,  nee 
thus  ? 

NOTES. 

Alas!  no:  I  call  few  of  them  fo.  But  this  is  of 
a  piece  with  his  qui-pro-qub  on  the  preface  to  the 
Maeviad — where,  on  my  faying  I  had  laid  the  poem 
afide  for  two  years,  he  exultingly  exclaims,  "  Soh ! 
it  was  two  years  in  hand  then !" 

Mr.  P.  is  highly  celebrated,  I  am  told,  for  his 
fkill  in  driving  a  bargain  :  it  is  to  be  prefumed  he 
does  it  with  his  fpe£tacles  on  I 


X    »5    3 
Yet  when  I  prostitute  the  lyre  to  gain  1 25 

The  eulogies  that  wait  each  modifti  strain, 
May  the  fweet  Mufe  my  groveling  hopes  with- 
stand, 
And  tear  the  strings  indignant  from  my  hand  ; 
Nor  think  that,  while  my  verfe  too  much  I  prixe. 
Too  much  th'  applaufe  of  fafhion  I  defpife  ;  130 
For  mark  to  what  'tis  given,  and  then  declare. 
Mean  tho'  I  am,  if  it  be  worth  my  care. 
Is  it  not  given  to  Este's  unmeaning  da(h. 
To  Topham's  fustian,  Colman's  flippant  trafh. 
To  Andrews'*  doggrel — where  three  wits  com-' 
bine  135 

To  Morton's  catch- word  t,  Greathead's  ideot  line,  r 
And   Holcroft's    Shug-lane  cant,   and   Merry's  I 
Moorfields  whine  :J:.  J 

Euge  tuum,    &  belle;    nam  belle  hoc,    excute 
totum. 

NOTES. 

•  Andrews. — Such  is  the  reputation  this  gentleman 
has  obtained  for  Epilogue  writing,  that  the  minor 


C    26    ] 
"  Skill'd  in  one  ufeful  fcience  at  the  leaff, 
The  great  man  comes,  and  fpreads  a  fumptuous 
feast : 

Quid  non  intus  habet  ?  Non  hie  est  I  lias  Atti 
Ebria  veratro ;  non  fi  qua  elegidia  crudi 
Di6tarunt  proceres ;  non  quidquid  denique  led^is 
"  Scribitur  in  citreis  :  calidum  fcis  ponere  fumen, 
Scis  comitem  horridulum  trita  donate  lacerna : 
Et  verum,  iniquis,  amo ;  verum  mihi  dicite  de  me. 
Qui  pote  ?  vis  dicam  ?  nugaris— — 

NOTES. 

poets  of  the  day,  defpairing  of  emulating,  are  now 
only  folicitous  of  afllfting  him — happy  if  they  can  ob- 
tain admiflion  for  a  couplet  or  two  into  the  body  of  his 
immortal  works,  and  thus  fecure  to  themfelves  a  fmall 
portion  of  that  popular  applaufe  fo  laviflily,  and  fo 
juftly  beftowed  on  every  thing  that  bears  the  figna» 
ture  of  Miles  Andrews  1  See  '*  the  Prologue  to  the 
Cure  for  the  Heart  Ach  by  Miles  Andrews,  and 
Assistants, 

f  Morton's  catch-word. — Wonderful  is  the 
profundity  of  the  Bathos  !  I  thought  O'Keefe  had 
reached  the.  bottom  of  it :  but  as  uncle  Bowling  fays, 
I  thought  a  d — n'd  lie — for  Holcroft,  Reynolds,  and 


C     a?     3 

Then,when  his  guefts  behold  the  prize  at  ftake,  140 
And  thirft  and  hunger  only  are  awake, 

Vos,  O  patricius  fanguis,  quos  vivere  fas  eft 
Occipiti  casco,  pofticae  occurrite  fannae. 

NOTES. 

Morton,  have  funk  infinitely  beneath  him.     They 
have  happily  found 

In  the  loiueft  deep  a  loiuer  ftill, 

and  perfevere  in  exploring  it  with  an  emulation  which 
does  them  honour. 

Will  pofterity  believe  this  facetious  triumverate 
could  think  nothing  more  to  be  neceflary  to  the 
conftruftion  of  a  play,  than  an  eternal  repetition  of 
fome  contemptible  vulgarity,  fuch  as  That's  your  fort  j 
Hey,  damme!  What's  to  pay  !  Keep  moving,  &c.! 
They  will :  for  they  will  have  blockheads  of  their 
own  ;  who  will  found  their  claims  to  celebrity  on 
fimilar  follies.  What,  however,  they  will  never  cre_ 
dit  is — that  thefe  drivellings  of  ideotifm,  thefe  catch- 
words, Ihould  aftually  preferve  their  refpedlive  au^ 
thors  from  being  hiffed  off  the  ftage.  No,  they  will 
not  believe  that  an  Englifti  audience  could  be  fo  be- 
fotted,  fo  brutified  as  to  receive  fuch  fenfelefs  excla-, 


My  friends,  he  cries,  what  do  the  galleries  fay. 
And  what  the  boxes,  of  my  laft  new  play  ? 
Speak  freely,  tell  me  all — come,  be  lincere  ; 
For  truth,  you  know,  is  mufic  to  my  ear.         145 
They  fpeak  ?  Alas,  they  cannot !  But  (hall  I  j 
I  who  receive  no  bribe,  who  dare  not  lie  ? 


mations  with  burfts  of  laughter,  with  peals  of  ap- 
plaufe.  I  cannot  believe  it  myfelf ;  though  I  have 
witnefled  it.  Haud  credo — if  I  may  reverfe  the  good 
father's  pofition — Haud  credo,  quia  poffibile  eft. 

%  Merry's  Moorfields'  whine. — In  a  moft  wretched 
rhapfody  of  incomprehenfible  nonfenfe,  addreffed  by 
this  gentleman  to  Mrs.  Robinfon,  which  fhe  in  her 
*valuable  poems  (page  100)  calls  a  charming  compo- 
fition,  abounding  in  lines  of  exquifite  beauty,  is  the 
following  rant  : 

Conjure  up  demons  from  the  main 
Storms  upon  ftorms  indignant  heap. 
Bid  ocean  howl,  and  nature  weep. 
Till  the  Creator  blujb  to  fee 
H01U  horrible  his  ivorld  can  be  : 
While  I  will  glory  to  blaspheme, 
And  make  the  joys  of  hell  my  theme. 
The  reader,  perhaps,  wonders  what  dreadful  event 
gave  birth  to  thefe  fearful  imprecations.     As  far  as  I 


i     *9     3 
This  then—  "  that  worfe  was  never  writ  before, 
Nor  worfe  will  be — till  thou  fhalt  write  once 

more.  '* 
°  Blest  be  "  two-headed  Janus !"  tho'  inclin'd,  150 
No  waggifti  stork  can  peck  at  him  behind  ; 
He  no  wry  mouth,  no  lolling  tongue  can  fear, 
Nor  the  brifk  twinkling  of  an  afs's  ear. 
But  you,  ye  St.  Johns,  curs'd  with  one  poor  head, 
Alas  !  what  mockeries  have  not  ye  to  dread !  155 


"  O  Jane,  a  tergo  quern  nulla  ciconia  pinlit, 
Nee  manus  auriculas  imitata  eft  mobilis  albas, 
Nee  linguae,  quantum  fitiat  canis  Apula,  tantae. 

NOTES. 

can  collefl,  it  was — tlie  aforefaid  Mrs.  Robinfon's 
net  opening  her  eyes !  !  !  Surely  it  is  moft  devoutly  to 
be  wifhed  that  thefe  poor  creatures  would  recolleft, 
amidft  their  frigid  ravings,  and  common-place  extra- 
vagancies, that  excellent  maxim  of  Pope—. 

**  Perfift,  by  nature,  reafon,  tafte,  unaw'd ; 

<«  But  learn,  ye  Dunces,  not  to  fcorn  your  God." 


C    30    ] 

•Hear  now  our  guests  : — The  critics,  Sir!  they 
cry — 
Merit  like  yours  the  critics  may  defy. 
But  this  indeed  they  fay — "  Your  varied  rhymes. 
At  once  the  boast  and  envy  of  the  times. 
In  every  page,  fong,  fonnet,  what  you  will,       160 
Shew  boundlefs  genius,  and  unrivall'd  fkill. 

If  comedy  be  yours,  the  fearching  strain 
Gives  a  fweet  pleafure,  fo  chastis'd  by  pain. 
Than  e*en  the  guilty  at  their  fufFerings  fmile. 
And  blefs  the  lancet,  tho'  they  bleed  the  while.  165 


•  Quis  populi  fermo  eft  ?  quis  enim,  nifi  carmina 

molli 
Nunc  demum  numero  fluere,  ut  per  leve  fevcros 

EfFundatjunftura  ungues 

Sive  opus  in  mores,  in  luxum,  in  prandia  regum, 
Dicere  res  grandes  nostro  dat  Mufa  poetae. 
Ecce  modo  heroas  fenfus  afFerre  videmus 
Nugari  folitos  Graece,  nee  ponere  lucum 


C    3t    3 

If  tragedy,  th'  impaffion'd  numbers  flow 
In  all  the  fad  variety  of  woe, 
With  fuch  a  liquid  lapfe,  that  they  betray 
The  breast  unwares,  and  steal  the  foul  away.'* 
Thus  fool'd,  the  moon-struck  tribe,  whofe  best 
effays  170 

Sunk  in  acrostics  and  in  roundelays. 
To  loftier  labours  now  pretend  a  call. 
And  bustle  in  heroics,  one  and  alh 
E'en  Bertie  burns  of  gods  and  chiefs  to  fing— 
Bertie  who  lately  twitter'd  to  the  string  1 75 

His  namby-pamby  madrigals  of  love. 
In  the  dark  dingles  of  a  glittering  grove. 
Where  airy  lays,*  woven  by  the  hand  of  morn, 
Were  hung  to  dry  upon  a  cobweb  thorn  !  !  ! 


Artifices,  nee  rus  faturum  laudare,— Euge,  poeta ! 

NOTES. 

♦  Where  airy  lays,  &c. 
««  Was  it  the  fhuttle  of  the  morn 
"  That  hung  upon  the  cobweb'd  thorn 


C    32    ] 
Happy  the   foil  where  bards  like  mufhrooms 
rife,  180 

And  afk  no  culture  but  what  Byflie  fupplies  ! 
Happier  the  bards  who,  write  whate'er  they  will. 
Find  gentle  readers  to  admire  them  ftill  ! 

Some  love  the  verfe  that  like  Maria's  flows 
No  rubs  to  ftagger,  and  no  fenfe  to  pofe  ;  185 

Which  read,  and  read,  you  raife  your  eyes  in 

doubt, 
And  gravely  wonder  what  it  is  about. 
Thefe  fancy  "  Bell's  Poetics"  only  fweet. 
And  intercept  his  hawkers  in  the  ftreet ;  "' 


Eft  nunc  Brifaei  quern  venofus  liber  Acci 
Sunt  quos  Pacuviufque,  et  verrucofa  moretur 
Antiopa,  aerumnis  cor  lu<5lificabile  fulta. 

NOTES. 

"  Thy  airy  lay  ?  Or  did  it  rife, 

*♦  In  thoufand  rich  enamell'd  dyes, 

*'  To  greet  the  noon-day  fun,"  &c. 

Bell's  Album,  vol.  ii. 


C     33     3 

There,  fmoaking  hot,  inhale  *Mit  Yen  da's 

ftrains,  190 

And  the  rank  fume  of  Tony  Pasquin's  brains.t 


♦  MiT  Yenda.  This  is  Mr.  Tim,  alias  Mr. 
Timothy  Adney,  a  molt  pertinacious  gentleman,  who 
makes  a  confpicuous  figure  in  the  papers  under  the 
ingenious  fignature  above  cited  ;  being,  as  the  reader 
already  fees,  his  own  name  read  backward.  **  Gentle 
dulnefs  ever  loves  a  joke  !" 

Of  his  prodigious  labours  I  have  nothing  by  me 
but  the  following  flanza,  taken  from  what  he  calls 
his  Poor  Man  : 

Reward  the  bounty  of  your  generous  hand. 

Your  head  each  night  in  comfort  fhall  be  latd^ 
And  plenty  fmile  throughout  your  fertile  land. 
While  I  do  haften  to  the  filent  grave. 

"  Good  morrow,  my  worthy  matters  andmiftrefles 
all  J  and  a  merry  Chriftmas  to  you." 

I  find  I  have  been  guilty  of  a  mifnomer.  Mr.  Ad- 
ney having  politely  informed  me,  fince  the  above  was 
written,  that  his  chriftian  name  is  not  Timothy  but 
Thomas.  The  Anagram  in  queftion,  therefore  muft 
be  Mot  Yenda  ;  omitting  the  h  euphonia  gratia  ; 
I  am  happy  in  an  opportunity  of  doing  juftice  to  fo 
correal  a  gentleman,  and  I  pray  him  to  continue  his 
valuable  labour. 

D 


C     34     3 

Others,  like  Kemble,  on  black  letter  pore, 
And  what  they  do  not  underftand,  adore  ; 

NOTES. 

t  Tony  Pasquin. — I  have  too  much  refpefl  for 
my  reader  to  affront  him  with  any  fpccimens  of  this 
man's  poetry,  at  once  licentious  and  dull  beyond  ex- 
ample :  at  the  fame  time  I  cannot  refift  the  temptation 
of  prefenting  him  with  the  following  flanzas,  written 
by  a  friend  of  mine,  and  fufficiently  illuftrative  of  the 
charafler  in  queftion : 

To  Anthony  Pasquin,  Efq. 

Why  doft  thou  tack,  moft  fimple  Anthony, 
The  name  of  Pafquin  to  thy  ribbald  drains  ? 

Is  it  a  fetch  of  wit,  to  let  us  fee 

Thou,  like  that  ftatue,  art  devoid  of  brains  ? 

But  thou  miftak'ft :  for  know,  tho'  Pafquin's  head 
Be  full  as  hard,  and  near  as  thick,  as  thine  ; 

Yet  has  the  world  admiring  on  it  read 

Many  a  keen  gibe,  and  many  a  fportive  line. 

While  nothing  from  thy  jobbernowl  can  fpring 
But  impudence  and  filth  ;  for  out,  alas! 

Do  what  we  will,  'tis  ftillthe  fame  vile  thing, 
Within,  all  brick-duft — and  without,  all  brafs. 


C     35     3 
Buy  at  vaft  fums  the  trajh  of  ancient  days, 
And  draw  on  prodigality  for  praife.  190 

Thefe,  when  fome  lucky  hit,  or  lucky  price, 
Has  blefs'd  them  with  "  The  Boke  of  good  ad- 
vice," 

Hos  pueris  monitus  patres  infundere  lippos 
Cum  videas,  quverifque    unde   haec   fartago  lo- 
quendi 

NOTES. 

Then  blot  the  name  of  Pasquin  from  thy  page : 
Thou  feeft  it  will  not  thy  poor  rifF-rafF  fell. 

Some  other  wouldft  thou  take  ?  I  dare  engage 
John  Williams,  or  Tom  Fool,  will  do  as 
well. 


Tony  has  taken  my  friend's  advice,  and  now  fells 
or  attempts  to  fell  "  his  rifF-rafF"  under  the  name  of 
John  Williams. 

It  has  been  reprefented  to  me,  that  I  fhould  do 
well  to  avoid  all  mention  of  this  man ;  from  a 
confideration  that  one  fo  loft  to  every  fenfe  of  decen- 
cy and   fliame,   was  a  fitter  obje£l  for   the    Beadle 

D  2 


C   36   3 

For  ekes  and  algates  only  deign  to  feek, 
And  live  upon  a  whilome  for  a  week  *. 

And  can  we  when  fuch  mope-eyed  dolts  are 
plac'd  200 

By  thoughtlefs  fafliion  on  the  throne  of  tafte — 

Venerit  in  linguas  ?  unde  istud  dedecus  ? 


'    Fur  es,  ait  Pedio.     Pedius  quid  ?  crimina  rafis 

NOTES. 

than  the  Mufe.  This  has  induced  me  to  lay  afide 
a  fecond  caftigation  which  I  had  prepared  for 
him,  though  I  do  not  think  it  expedient  to  omit 
what  I  had  formerly  written. 

Here  on  the  rack  of  Satire  let  him  lie. 
Fit  garbage  for  the  hell-hound  Infamy. 

One  word  more.  I  am.  told  there  are  men  fo 
weak  as  to  deprecate  this  miferable  objefl's  abufe, 
and  fo  vain,  fo  defpicably  vain,  as  to  tolerate  his 
praife — for  fuch  I  have  nothing  but  pity  ; — though 
the  fate  of  Haftings,  fee  the  "  Pin-bafket  to  the  Chil- 
dren of  Thefpis,"  holds  out  a  dreadful  leflbn  to  the 
latter — but  fhould  there  be  a  man,  or  a  woman— 
however  high  their  rank — bafe  enough  to  purchafe 
the  venal  pen  of  this  mifcreant  for  the  fake  of  tra- 


C    37    ] 
Say,  can  we  wonder  whence  this  jargon  flows. 
This  motley  fuftian,  neither  verfe  nor  profe. 
This  old  new  language  that  defiles  our  page, 
The  refufe  and  the  fcum  of  every  age  ?  205 


Librat  in  antithetis  ;  dodlas  pofuifle  figuras 
Laudatur  j  bellum  hoc.     Hoc  bellum  ?  An  Ro- 
mule  ceves  ? 

NOTES. 

ducing  innocence  and  virtue ;  then 1  was  about 

to ;    but    'tis   not    neceflary :    the    profligate 

cowards  who  employ  Antony  can  know  no  feverer 
punifhment  than  the  fupport  of  a  man  whofe  ac- 
quaintance is  infamy,  and  whofe  touch  is  poifon. 

*  Others  like  Kemble,  Sec. — Tho' no  great  Cata- 
logue hunter,  I  love  to  look  into  fuch  marked  ones  as 
fall  in  my  way.  That  of  poor  Dood's  books  amufed 
me  not  a  little.  It  exhibited  many  inflances  of  black 
LETTER  mania;  and,  what  is  more  to  my  purpofe, 
a  transfer  of  much  *'  trafli  of  ancient  days,"  to  the 
fortunate  Mr.  Kemble.    For  example. 

£•  ^    d 

Firft  part  of  the  tragicall  Raigne  of  Seli- 

mus  Emperour  of  the  Turks     -     -    -     i  11     6 
D3 


5xi 


C    38    3 
Lo,  Beaufoy  *  tells  of  Afric's  barren  fand 
In  all  the  flow'ry  phrafe  of  fairy  land  : 


I-  s.  d. 
Jacob  and   Efau,    a    Mery    and  Whittle 

Comedie         -        -        -        -        -        350 

Look  About  You,  a  comedie      -     -      -     -      5    7     6 

The  tragedie  of  T«  Nero,  Rome's  Created 

Tyraunte,  &c.  &c.    ----.-140 

How  are  we  ruined  ! 

*  Lo  !  Beaufoy,  &c. — ^^'Y\ititt.X.zxt  accommodated 
with  (hoes,  f,  and  the  head  is  protested  by  a — woollen 
nightcap." 

African  Association,  p.  139. 


f  Shoes — By  your  leave,  xnafier  critic,  here  is  a  fmall 
overfight  in  your  quotation.  The  gentleman  does  not  fay 
their  feet  are  accommodated  with  /hoes,  but  with  Jlippers. 
For  the  left,  accomodate ,  as  I  learn,  is  a  fchular-like  word, 
and  a  word  of  exceeding  great  propriety.  Accommodate!  it 
comes  from  accommodo  *  that  is,  when  a  man's  feet  are,  as 
they  fay,  accommodated  ;  or  when  they  are — being — whereby 
they  may  be  thought  to  be  accommodated  :  which  is  an 
excellent  thing. 

Printer's  Dzvil. 


C     39     3 

There    Fezzan's    thrum-capp'd    tribes,   Turks, 

Chriftians,  Jews, 
Accommodatey  ye  gods  !  their  feet  with  fhocs. 
There   meagre    fhrubs    inveterate    mountains 

grace,  2io 

And  brufhwood  breaks  the  amplitude  of  /pace. 
Perplex'd  with  terms  fo  vague  and  undefin'd, 
I  blunder  on  ;  till  wilder'd,  giddy,  blind, 
Where'er  I  turn,  on  clouds  I  feem  to  tread  ; 
And  call  for  Mandeville  to  eafe  my  head.       21  ^ 
Oh  for  the  good  old  times  !  When  all  was  new, 
And  every  hour  brought  prodigies  to  view. 
Our  fires  in  unaffedled  language  told 
Of  ftreams  of  amber,  and  of  rocks  of  gold  : 


*♦  From  this  fcene  of  gladfome  contraft,  i.  e.  from 
the  mountain  of  Zillaii  (p.  288',  whole  rugged  fides 
are  marked  with  fcanty  fpots  of  brufhwood,  and  en- 
riched with  ftores  of  water,  to  the  long  afcent  of  the 
broad  rock  of  Gerdobah  (p.  289),  from  whole  inflexi- 
ble barrennefo  little  is  to  be  got — from  this  fcene,  I 
fay,  of  gladfome  contraft  to  the  iti'ueterate  mountains 
of  Gegogib,  &c." 

D4 


C    40     ] 
Full  of  their  theme,  they  fpurn'd  all  idle  art,  220 
And  the  plain  tale  was  truftcd  to  the  heart. 
Now  all  is  changed !  We  fume  and  fret,  poor 

elves ; 
Lels  to  difplay  our  fubjed^,  than  ourfelves  : 
Whate'er  we  paint — a  grot,  a  flow'r,  a  bird. 
Heavens,  how  we  fweat,  laborioufly  abfurd  !  225 
Words  of  gigantic  bulk,  and  uncouth  found, 
In  rattling  triads  the  long  fentence  bound  ; 
While  points  with  points,  with  periods  periods 

jar. 
And  the  whole  work  feems  one  continued  war ! 
Is  not  THIS  fad? 

F.  "  'Tis  pitiful,  God  knows,        230 
**  'Tis  wondrous  pitiful."    E'en  take  the  profe ; 
But  for  the  poetry — oh,  that  my  friend, 
I  ftill  afpire — nay,  fmile  not — ^to  defend. 

NOTES. 

*'  In  the  long  courfe  of  a  feven-days  paflage,  the 
traveller  is  fcarcely  fenfible  that  a  few  fpots  of  thin 
and  meagre  brufhwood  flightly  interrupt  the  vaft 
expanfe  of  flerility,  and  diminifh  the  amplitude  of 
defolation!  I  I" 


C   41    3 

r  You  praife  our  fires,  but,  though  they  wrote 

with  force, 
Their  rhymes  were  vicious,    and  their  didion 

coarfe ;  235 

We  want  theirjirength  :  agreed.     But  we  atone 
For  that,  and  more,  hy  fweetnefs  all  our  own. 
For  instance — "  *  Hasten  to  the  lawny  vale, 
**  Where  yellow  morning  breathes  her  fafFron 

gale, 
"  And  bathes  the  landfcapc — " 

P.  Pfhaw  !  I  have  it  here  :   240 
"  A  voice  feraphic  grafps  my  listening  ear  : 
**  Wond'ring  I  gaze  ;  when  lo !  methought  afar, 
**  More  bright  than  dauntlefs  day's  imperial  star, 
**  A  godlike  form  advances." 

p  Sed  numeris  decor  eft,  et  jundtura  addita 
crudis. 

NOTES. 

*  Haften,  &c. — This  and  the  following  quotation 
are  taken  from  the  "  Laurel  of  Liberty,"  a  work  on 
which  the  great  author  moft  juftly  refts  his  claims  to 
immortality. 


[       42        ] 

F,  You  fuppofe 
Thcfe    lines    perhaps    too    turgid ;    what    of 
thofe  ?  245 

"  The  mighty  mother'' — " 

P.  Now  'tis  plain  you  fneer. 
For  *  Weston's  felf  could  find   no  femblance 

here. 
Weston  !  who  flunk  from  truth's  imperious  light, 
Swells  like  a  filthy  toad,  with  fecret  fpite, 

Ut  ramale  vetus  praegrandi  fubere  co6lum. 
Claudere  fie  verfum  didicit  Berecynthius  Atys, 
Et  qui  caeruleum  dirimebat  Nerea  Delphin. 
Sic  coftam  longo  fubduximus  Appennino. 
"  "J  Arma  virum"  nonne  hoc  fpumofum  et  cortice 
pingui  ? 

KOTES. 

•  Wefton. — This  iodefatigable  gentleman  has  been 
attacking  the  moral  charafter  of  Pope  in  the  Gentle- 
man's Magazine,  with  all  the  virulence  of  Gildon, 
all  the  impudence  of  Smedley,  and  all  the  ignorance 
of  Curl  and  his  aiTociates. 


C     43     3 
And,  envying  the  fair  fame  he  cannot  hope,    250 
Spits  his  black  venom  at  the  dust  of  Pope. 
Reptile  accurs'd ! — O  memorable  long, 
If  there  be  force  in  virtue  or  in  fong, 
O  injur 'd  bard  !  accept  the  grateful  strain. 
That  I,  the  humblest  of  the  tuneful  train,       255 
With  glowing  heart,  yet  trembling  hand  repay 
For  many  a  penfive,  many  a  fprightly  lay : 
So  may  thy  varied  verfe,  from  age  to  age. 
Inform  the  fimple,  and  delight  the  fage  ! 

NOTES. 

What  the  views  of  the  immaculate  Sylvanus  may 
be,  in  ftanding  cap  in  hand,  and  complacently  holding 
open  the  door  of  the  temple,  for  near  two  years,  to 
this  *  "  execrable"  Eroftratus,  I  know  not.  He  can- 
not fiire  be  weak  enough  to  fuppofe  an  obfcure  fcrib- 
bler  like  this  has  any  charges  to  bring  againft  our  great 
poet,  that  efcaped  the  vigilant  malevolence  of  the 
Weftons  of  the  Dunciad.  Or  if  ever,  from  the  na- 
tural goodnefs  of  his  heart,  he  cheriflied  fo  laudable 
a  fuppofition,  he  ought  (whatever  it  may  coft  him) 
to  forego  it :  when,  after  twenty  months,  nothing  is 
produced  but  an  exploded  accufation  taken  from  the 

*  Such  is  the  epithet  applied  to  Pope  by  the  virtuous  in- 
dignation of  this  amiable  traducer  of  worth  and  genius ! 


C     44     3 

While    canker'd  Wefton,   and    his    loathfome 
rhymes,  260 

Stink  in  the  nofe  of  all  fucceeding  times  ! 

Enough  ^  But  where  (for  thefe,  you  feem  to  fay. 

Are  famples  of  the  high,  heroic  lay)  260 

Where  are  the  foft,  the  tender  (trains,  that  call 

For  the  moift  eye,  bow'd  head,  and  lengthen'd 

drawl  ?  266 

"■  Quidnam  igitur  tenerum  &  laxa  cervice  legen- 
dum? 

NOTES. 

moft  common  edition  of  the  Dunciad  ;  which,  as  no- 
thing but  Weftonian  rancour  could  firft  make,  fo 
nothing  but  Weftonian  ftupidity  can  now  revive. 

It  has  been  fuggefted  to  me,  that  this  nightman 
of  hterature  defigns  to  reprint  as  much  as  can  be  col- 
lefledof  the  heroes  of  the  Dunciad. — If  it  be  fo,  the 
dirty  work  of  traducing  Pope  may  be  previoufly  ne- 
ceflTary ;  and  prejudice  itfelf  muft  own,  that  he  has 
fhewn  uncommon  penetration  in  the  feleftion  of  the 
blind  and  outrageous  mercenary  now  fo  laborioufly 
employed  in  it. 

Whatever  be  the  defign,  the  proceedings  are  by  no 
means  inconfiftent  with  the  plan  of  a  work  which 


C     45     3 
Lo!  here "  *Canft  thou,  Matilda,  ui^  my 

fate, 
**  And  bid  me  mourn  thee  ? — yes,  and  mourn  too 

late! 
**  O  rafti,  fevere  decree !  my  maddening  brain 
*'  Cannot  the  ponderous  agony  fuftain  ; 

Torva  Mimalloneis  implerunt  cornua  bombis, 
Et  raptum  vitulo  caput  ablatura  fuperbo 
Baflaris 

NOTES. 

may  not  unaptly  be  ftyled  the  charnel-house  of 
REPUTATION,  and  which  from  the  days  of  Lauder 
to  the  prefent,  has  delighted  to  afperfe  every  thing 
venerable  amongft  us — which  accufed  Switt  of  luft, 
and  Addifon  of  drunkennefsj  which  infulted  the 
aflies  of  Toup  while  they  were  yet  warm,  and  gib- 
beted poor  Henderfon  alive ;  which  afteded  to  ido- 
lize the  great  and  good  Howard,  while  idolatry  was 
painful  to  him  ;  and  the  moment  he  fell,  glorioufly 
fell,  in  the  exercife  of  the  moft  fublime  virtue,  at- 
tempted to  (ligmatife  him  as  a  brute  and  amonfter ! 

*  Canftthou  Matilda,  &c.  (vide  Album,  vol.  ii.) — 
Matilda!  "nay  then,  I'll  never  truft  a  madman 
again."  It  was  but  a  few  minutes  fince,  that  Mr. 
Merry  died  for  the  love  of  Laura  Maria  ;  and  now  is 


C    46    3 
**  But  forth   I   rufli,    from   vale  to  mountain 

run,  270 

"  And  with  my  mind's  thick  gloom  obfcure  the 

fun." 
« Heavens !  if  our  ancient  vigour  were  not  fled. 
Could  VERSE  like  this  be  w^ritten  or  be  read  ? 
Verse!  that's  the  mellow  fruit  of  toil  intenfe, 
Infpir'd  by  genius,  and  informed  by  fenfe ;     275 
This,  the  abortive  progeny  of  Pride 
And  Dulnefs,  gentle  pair,  for  aye  allied  ; 
Begotten  without  thought,  born  without  pains. 
The  ropy  drivel  of  rheumatic  brains. 

•  Haec  fierent,  R  testiculi  vena  ulla  patemi 
Viveret  in  nobis  ?  fumma  delumbe  faliva. 
Hoc  natat  in  labris :  et  in  udo  est  Maenas  et  Atys ; 
Nee  pluteum  caedit,  nee  demorfos  fapit  ungues. 

NOTES. 

he  going  to  do  the  fame  thing  for  the  love  of  Anna 
Matilda  ? 

What  the  ladies  may  fay  to  fuch  a  fwain,  I  know  not ; 
but  certainly  he  is  too  prone  to  run  wild,  die,  &c.  &c. 
Such  indeed  is  the  combuftible  nature  of  this  gentleman. 


C     47     ] 
F.     'So  let  it   be:    and  yet,  methinks,  my 
friend,  280 

Silence  were  wife,  where  fatire  will  not  mend. 
Why  wound  the  feelings  of  our  noble  youth. 
And  grate  their  tender  ears  with  odious  truth  ? 
They  cherifli  *Amo,  and  his  flux  of  fong, 
And   hate   the   man   who    tells    'em    they  are 
wrong.  280 

*  Sed  quid  opus  teneras  mordaci  radere  vero 
Auriculas  ?  vide  fis,  ne  majorum  tibi  forte 


that  he  takes  fire  at  every  female  fignature  in  the  pa- 
pers :  and  I  remember,  that  when  Olaudo  Equiano, 
(who,  for  a  black,  is  not  ill-featured)  tried  his  hand  at 
a  foft  fonnet,  and  by  miftake  fubfcribed  it  Olauda,  Mr, 
Merry  fell  fo  defperately  in  love  with  him,  and  "yelled 
**  out  fuch  fyllables  of  dolour"  in  confequence  of  it, 
that  "  the  pitiful  hearted"  negro  was  frightened  at  the 
mifchief  he  had  done,  and  tranfmitted  in  all  hafte  the 

following  correftion  to   the  editor *'  For  OlaudJ, 

**  pleafe  to  read  OlaudO,  the  black  man." 

*  Of  this  /pes  altera  Roma,  this  fecond  hope  of 
the  age,  the  following  ftanzas  will  afford  a  fufficient 
fpecimen.      They    are    taken    from    a  ballad  which 


C   4«    3 
Thy  fate  already  I  forefee.     My  Lord 
With  cold  refpedl  will  freeze  thee  from  his  board  ; 
And  his  Grace  cry,  "  Hence  with  your  fapient 

fneer ! 
**  Hence !  we  defire  no  currifli  critic  here." 

Limina  frigefcant :  fonat  hie  de  narc  canina 

NOTES. 

Mr.  Bell,    an   admirable   judge    of   thefe    matters, 

calls  a   "  very  mellifluous  one  j    eafy,   artlefs,    and 
unafFefted." 

Gently  o'er  the  rifing  blllo'ws 
Softly  fteals  the  bird  of  night, 

Rujlling  thro'  the  betiding  luillotus ; 
Fluttering  pinions  mark  her  flight. 

Whither  now  \nfilence  bending^ 
Ruthlefs  winds  deny  thee  reft  ; 

Chilling  night-detus  faft  defcending 
Gliften  on  thy  downy  bread. 

Seeking  fome  kind  hand  to  guide  thee, 

Wiftful  turns  \\iy  fearful  eye ; 
Trembling  as  the  willows  hide  thee. 

Sheltered  from  th'  inclement  Iky. 

The  ftory  of  this  poor  owl,  who  was  at  one  and 
the  fame  time  at  fea  and  on  land,  filent  and  noify. 


C     49     ] 

P.  Enough.     ^  Thank  heaven  !  my  error  now 
I  fee, 
And  all  (hall  be  divine  henceforth  for  me  : 


Litera.  ^  Per  me  equidem  fint  omnia  protinus  alba, 


NOTES. 

fheltered  and  expofed,  is  continued  through  a  few 
more  of  thefe  "  mellifluous"  flanzas :  which  the 
reader,  I  doubt  not,  will  readily  forgive  me  for 
omitting;  more  efpecially  if  he  reads  the  Oracle, 
a  PAPER  honoured — as  the  grateful  editor  very 
properly  has  it — by  the  effufions  of  this  "  artlefs" 
gentleman  above  all  others. 

N.  B.  On  looking  again,  I  find  the  owl  to  be  a 
Nightingale. — N'importe. 

It  was  faid  of  Theophilus  Gibber  (I  think  by 
Goldfmith),  that  as  he  grew  older,  he  grew  never  the 
better.  Much  the  fame  (mutatis  mutandis)  may  be 
faid  of  the  gentlemen  of  the  Baviad.  After  an  in- 
terval of  two  years,  I  find  the  "  mellifluous"  Arno 
celebrating  Mrs.  Robinfon's  Novel  in  ftrains,  like 
thefe : 


C    50    3 
Yes,  Andrew's  doggrell,  Greathead's  idiot  line, 
And  Morton's   catch-word,    all,   forfooth,   di- 
vine !  290 
F.  'Tis  well.     Here  let  th'  indignant  stricture 
ceafe. 
And  Leeds  at  length  enjoy  his  fool  in  peace. 


Nil    moror:    euge,   omnes,  omnes    bene    mirae 

eritis  res. 
Hoc  juvat :    hie   iniquis,    veto   quifquam    faxit 

oletum. 

NOTES. 

For  the  ORACLE. 
SONNET  to  Mrs.  ROBINSON, 
Upon  reading  her   VANCENZA^ 

WHAT  never-ceafing  Mufic  !  From  the  throne 
Where  fweeteft  Sensibility  enfhrin'd 

Pours  out  her  tender  triumphs,  all  alone 
To  every  murmuring  breeze  of  palling  wind  f 


C    51    3 
P,  Come  then,  around  their  works  a  circle 
draw, 
And  near  it  plant  the  dragons  of  the  law ; 
With  labels  writ,  "  Critics  far  hence  remove,  295 
**  Nor  dare  to  cenfure  what  the  great  approve." 
I  go.  K     Yet  Hall  could  lafti  with  noble  rage 
The  purblind  patron  of  a  former  age, 

Pinge  duos  angues :  pueri,  facer  est  locus,  extra 
Mejite;  ^difcedo:  fecuit  Lucilius  urbem, 

NOTES. 

O,  bleft  with  all  the  lovely  lapfe  of  Song, 
That  bathes  with  pureft  balm  the  foften'd  breaft, 

I  fee  thee  urge  thy  Fancy's  courfe  along 
The  folemn  glooms  of  Gothic  piles  unbleft. 

Van c  EN  z A  rifes — o'er  her  time-touch'd  fpires 
Guilt  unreveaV d  hovers  with  killing  dew, 

Fruftrates  the  fondnefs  of  the  Virgin's  fires, 
And  bares  the  murderous  Casket  to  her  view. 

The  thrilling  pulfe  creeps  back  upon  each  Heart, 
And  Horror  lords  it  by  thy  facinating  Art. 

ARNO. 

Et  vitula  Tu  dignus,  et  H^c  !     The  Novel  is  wor- 
thy  of  the  Poetry ;  the  Poetry  of  the  Novel. 

E  2 


C   5»    3 
And  laugh  to  fcorn  th'  eternal  fonnetteer 
Who  made  goofe-  pinions  and  white  rags  fo  dear. 
Yet  Oldham  in  his  rude,  unpolifli'd  strain,     301 
Could  hifs  the  clamorous,  and  deride  the  vain. 
Who  bawl'd  their  rhymes  inceffant   thro'  the 

town. 
Or  brib'd  the  hawkers  for  a  day's  renown. 
Whate'er  the  theme,  with  honest  warmth  they 

wrote,  305 

Nor  car'd  what  Mutius  of  their  freedom  thought : 
Yet  profe  was  venial  in  that  happy  time. 
And  life  had  other  bufinefs  than  to  rhyme. 

^  And  may  not  I — now  this  pernicious  peft. 
This  metromania,  creeps  thro'  every  breast ;  310 
Now  fools  and  children  void  their  brains  by  loads, 
And  itching  grandams  fpawl  lafcivious  odes  ; 


Te  Lupe,  te  Muti,  &  genuinum  fregit  in  illis. 
•>  Men'  mutire  nefas,  nee  clam,  nee  cum  fcrobe  ? 

Nufquam. 
Hie  tamen  infodiam.     Vidi,  vidi  ipfe,  libelle : 


C    53     J 

Now  lords  and  dukes,  curs'd  with  a  fickly  taste. 
While  Burns'  pure  healthful  nurture   runs  to 

waste. 
Lick  up  the  fpittle  of  the  bed  rid  mufe,  315 

And  riot  on  the  fweepings  of  the  stews  ; 
Say,  may  not  I  expofe — 

F.  No — 'tis  unfafe. 
Prudence  my  friend. 

P.  What !  not  deride,  not  laugh  ? 
Well !  thought  at  least  is  free — 

F.  O  yet  forbear. 
P.  Nay,  then,  I'll  dig  a  pit,  and  bury  there 
The  dreadful  truth  that  fo  alarms  thy  fears  :  320 
The  town,    the    town,   good   pit,   has 

asses  ears  ! 
Thou   think'st   perhaps,    this    wayward    fancy 

Strange  ; 
So  think  thou  still ;  yet  would  not  I  exchange 

Auriulas  afini  Mida  rex  habet.     Hoc  ego  oper- 

tum. 
Hoc  ridere  meum  tarn  nil,  nulla  tibi  vendo 
E3 


C    54    3 
The  fecret  humour  of  this  fimple  hit  325 

For  all  the  Albums  that  were  ever  writ. 
Of  this  no  more.     O  thou  (if  yet  there  be 
One  bofom  from  this  vile  infedion  free) , 
Thou  who  canst  thrill  with  joy,  or  glow  with 

ire. 
As  the  great  masters  of  the  fong  infpire  330 

Canst  hang  enamour'd  o'er  the  magic  page, 
Where  defperate  ladies  defperate  lords  engage. 
Gnomes,  Sylphs,  and  Gods  the  fierce  contention 

(hare. 
And  heaven  and  earth  hang  trembling  on  a  hair ; 
Canft  quake  with  horror  while  Emilia's  charms 
Againft  a  brother  point  a  brother's  arms,         335 
And  trace  the  fortune  of  the  varying  fray, 
While  hour  on  hour  flits  unperceived  away — 


Iliade.     Audaci  quicunque  afflate  Cratino, 
Iratum  Eupolidem  praegrandi  cum  fene  palles, 
Afpice  &  haec,  fi  forte  aliquid  decoflius  audis. 


C    55    3 

Approach  :  'twixt  hope  and  fear  I  wait.    O  deign 
To  caft  a  glance  on  this  incondite  ftrain  :        340 
Here,  if  thou  find  one  thought  but  well  expreft, 
One  fentence  higher  finifh'd  than  the  reft, 
Such  as  may  win  thee  to  proceed  awhile, 
And  fmooth  thy  forehead  with  a  gracious  fmile, 
I  afk  no  more.  '  But  far  from  me  the  throng,  345 
Who  fancy  fire  in  Laura's  vapid  fong. 
Who  Anna's  bedlam-rant  for  fenfe  can  take. 
And  over  *  Edwin's  mewlings  keep  awake  ; 


Inde  vaporata  ledor  mihi  ferveat  aure, 

*  Non  hie,  qui  in  crepidas  Graiorum  ludere  geftit, 

Sefe  aliquem  credens,  Italo  quod  honore  fupinus 

KOTES. 

•  Edivin^s  Metolings,  &c.) — We  come  now  to  a 
character  of  high  refpefl,  the  profound  Mr.  T. 
Vaughan,  who,  under  the  alluring  fignature  of  Ed- 
win, favours  us  from  time  to  time  with  a  melancholy 
poem  on  the  death  of  a  bug,  the  flight  of  an  earwig, 
the  mifcarriage  of  a  cock-chafFer,  or  fome  other 
event  of  equal  importance. 

E4 


C   56   3 

Yes,  far  from  me,  whate'er  their  birth  or  place, 
Thefe  long-ear 'd  judges  of  the  Phrygian  race,  350 

Fregerit  heminas — 


NOTES. 

His  laft  work  was  an  Ewtrof  «>»  (blefTmgs  on  his 
learning  ! ),  which  I  take  for  granted  means  an  Epi- 
taph, on  a  moufe  that  broke  her  heart  :  and,  as  it 
was  a  matter  of  great  confequence,  he  very  properly 
made  the  introduftion  as  long  as  the  poem  itfelf. 
Hear  how  gravely  he  prologifeth  : 

On  a  tame  moufe,  nvbich  belonged  to  a  lady  ivhofaved 
its  life,  conftantlyfed  it,  and  even  luept,  poor  lady  I 
at  its  approaching  death.  The  moufe^s  eyes  ailually 
dropped  out  of  its  head,  poor  moufe!  the  day  be- 
fore  IT   DIED. 

This  feeling  moufe  whofe  heart  was  warm'd 

By  Pity's  pureft  ray, 
Becaufe  her  Miftrefs  dropt  a  tear, 

Wept  both  her  eyes  away. 

By  fympathy  depriv'd  of  light, 
She  one  day's  darknefs  tried ; 


C    57    3 
Their  cenfure  and  their  praife  alike  I  fcorn, 
And  hate  the  laurel  by  their  followers  worn ! 


NOTES. 

The  grateful  tear  no  more  could floiu^ 
So  lik'd  it  not,  and  died. 

May  we  when  others  weep  for  us, 

The  debt  with  int'reft  pay — 
And,  when  the  gen'rous  fonts  are  dry, 

Revert  to  native  clay, 

EDWIN. 

Mr.  T.  Vaughan  has  aflerted  that  he  is  not  the 
author  of  this  matchlefs  Emrafptov,  with  fuch  fpirit, 
and  retorted  upon  one  Baviad  (whom  without  all  con- 
troverfy  the  learned  gentleman  takes  to  be  a  man) 
with  fuch  ftrength  of  argument,  and  elegance  of 
diftion,  that  I  fhould  wrong  both  him  and  the  reader, 
to  give  it  in  any  words  but  his  own. 

**  Well  faid,  Baviad  the  correal ! — And  fo  the 
PROFOUND  Mr.  T.  Vaughan,  as  you  politely  ftyle 
him,  writes  under  the  alluring  fignature  of  Edwin, 
does  he  ?  and  therefore  a  very  proper  fubjeftfor  your 
fatiric  malignity  1 — But  fuppofe  for  a  moment,  as  the 
truth  and  the  fafl  is,  that  this  gentleman  never  did 
ufe  that  fignature  upon  any  occafion,  in  whatever  he 
may  have  written  :  Do  not  you  the  identical  Baviad, 


E    58    3 

Let  fuch,  a  tafk  congenial  to  thejr  powers, 
At  fales  and  audions  waste  the  morning  hours. 


His  mane  edidum,  poft  prandia  Calliroen  do. 

NOTES. 

in  that  cafe,  for  your  unprovoked  abufe  of  him,  im- 
mediately fall  under  your  own  charafler  of  that 
Nightman  of  Literature  you  fo  liberally  afTign  Wef- 
ton  ?  And  like  him  too,  if  there  is  any  truth  in  what 
you  fay  or  write,  do  you  not 

Swell  like  a  filthy  toad  with  fecret  fpite  ? 

The  ayes  have  it.  And  fliould  you  not  be  as  well 
verfed  in  your  favourite  Author's  Fourth  Satire,  as 
you  are  in  the  Firft,  with  your  leave,  I  will  quote  from 
it  tiJDo  emphatic  lines  : 

**  Into  themfelves  how  few,  how  few  defcend, 
**  And  a6l,  at  home,  the  free  impartial  friend  ! 
"  None  fee  their  own,  but  all  with  ready  eye 
"  The  pendent  wallet  on  a  neighbour  fpy ; 
"  And  like  a  Baviad  will  recount  his  fliame, 
"  Tacking  his  very  errors  to  bis  name.** 

Oracle,  lath  Jan. 


C    59     3 
Wile  the  dull  noon  away  in  Christie's  fane,   355 
And  fnore  the  evening  out  at  Drury  lane  ; 
Lull'd  by  the  twang  of  Benfley's  nafal  note. 
And  the  hoarfe  croak  of  Kemble's  foggy  throat. 


NOTES; 

And,  to  luhofe  name  fliould  they  be  tacked,  but  the 
author's  ?  Let  not  the  reader,  however,  imagine  the 
abfurdity  to  proceed  from  Perfius,  or  his  ingenious 
tranflator.  "  The  truth  and  the  fa£l  is,"  that  our 
learned  brother,  having  a  fmall  change  to  make  in 
the  two  laft  lines,  blundered  them  with  his  ufual 
acutenefs  into  nonfenfe.  He  is  not  much  more  happy 
when  he  calls  Weston  **  the  Nightman  of  Litera- 
ture." But  when  a  gentleman  does  not  know  what 
he  writes,  it  is  a  little  hard  upon  him  to  expefl  he 
{hould  know  what  he  reads. — After  all  Edwin  or 
not,  our  egregious  friend  is  ftill  the  profound  Mr. 
T.  Vaughan. 


THE 


MiEVIAD. 


Qui  B AVIUM  non  odit,  amet  tua  carmina  M^vi. 


C    63    3 


I 


N  the  Introduction  to  the  preceding 
pages,  I  have  given  a  brief  account  of  the  rife 
and  progrefs  of  that  fpurious  fpecies  of  poetry, 
which  lately  infefted  this  metropolis,  and  gave 
occafion  to  the  Baviad. 

I  was  not  ignorant  of  what  I  expofed  myfelf 
to,  by  the  publication  of  that  work.  If  abufe 
could  have  afFedled  me,  I  fhould  not  probably 
have  made  a  fet  of  people  my  enemies,  habi- 
tuated to  ill  language,  and  poflefled  of  fuch 
convenient  vehicles*  for  its  diffemination.    But 

•  Moft  of  thefe  fafliionable  writers  were  connefted 
with  the  public  prints.     Delia  Crufca  was  a  worthy 


C  64  3 
I  never  regarded  it  from  fuch  hands ;  and, 
indeed,  deprecated  nothing  but  their  praife.  I 
refpedt,  in  common  with  every  man  of  fenfe, 
the  cenfure  of  the  wife  and  good :  but  the 
angry  ebullitions  of  folly  unmafked,  and  vanity 
mortified,  pafs  by  me,  "  like  the  idle  wind  ;" 
or,  if  noticed,  ferve  merely  to  grace  fome  fuc- 
ceeding  edition  of  the  Baviad. 

I  confefs,  however,  that  the  work  was  received 
more  favourably  than  I  expefted.  Bell,  indeed, 
and  a  few  others,  whofe  craft  I  had  touched, 
vented  their  indignation  in  profe,  and  verfe :  but, 
on  the  whole,  the  clamour  againft  me  was  not 
loud  ;  and  was  loft  by  infenfible  degrees  in  the 
applaufes  of  fuch  as  I  was  truly  ambitious  to 
pleafc. 


coadjutor  of  the  mad  and  malignant  idiot  who  con- 
duced the  World.  Arno,  and  Lorenzo,  were  either 
proprietors  or  editors  of  another  paper.  Edwin  and 
Anna  Matilda,  were  favoured  contributors  to  feveral, 
and  Laura  Maria  from  the  fums  fhe  fquandered  on 
puff's,  could  command  a  corner  in  all. 


C    «5    ] 

Thus  fupported,  the  good  efFe^ls  of  the  fatire 
(gloriose  loquor)  were  not  long  in  manifefting 
themfelves.  Delia  Crufca  appeared  no  more  irt 
the  Oracle,  and,  if  any  of  his  followers  ventured 
to  treat  the  town  with  a  foft  fonnet,  it  was  not, 
as  before,  introduced  by  a  pompous  preface. 
Pope  and  Milton  refumed  their  fuperiority  ;  and 
EAeand  his  coadjutors,  lilently  acquiefced  in  the 
growing  opinion  of  their  incompetency,  and 
(hewed  fome  fenfe  of  (hame. 

With  this  I  was  fatisfied,  I  had  taken  up  my 
pen  for  no  other  end :  and  was  quietly  retiring, 
with  the  idea  that  I  had  **  done  the  ftate  fome 
fervice  ;'*  and  purpofing  to  abandon  for  ever  the 
caeftus,  which  a  refpedtable  critic  fancies  I  wielded 
"  with  too  much  feverity" ;  when  I  was  once 
more  called  into  the  lifts*,  by  the  re-appearance 
of  fome  of  the  fcattered  enemy. 

NOTES. 

•  I  hope  no  one  will  do  me  the  injuftlce  to  fuppofe 
that  I  imagine  myfelf  another  Hercules,   contend* 
ing  with  Hydras,  &c.     Far  from  it.     My  enemies 
F 


r  66  ] 

It  was  not  enough  that  the  ftream  of  folly 
flowed  more  fparingly  in  the  Oracle  than  before  ; 
I  was  determined 

To  have  the  current  in  that  place  damm'd  up ; 

And  accordingly  began  the  prefent  poem — ^for 
which,  indeed,  I  had  by  this  time  other  reafons. 
I  had  been  told  that  there  were  ftill  a  few  admi- 
rers of  the  Crufcan  fchool,  who  thought  the  con- 
tempt I  {hewed  for  it  not  fufEciently  juftified  by 
the  few  paflages  I  had  produced.  To  filence  thefe 

NOTES. 

cannot  well  have  an  humbler  opinion  of  me,  than 
I  have  of  myfelf  j  and  yet  •*  if  I  am  not  aftiamed 
of  them,  I  am  a  foufed  gurnet."  Mere  pecora 
inertia !  The  conteft  is  without  danger,  and  the 
vidory  without  glory.  At  the  fame  time  I  declare 
againft  any  undue  advantage  being  taken  of  thefe 
conceflions.  Though  I  knew  the  impotence  of 
thefe  literary  Alkaparts,  the  town  did  not :  and  many 
a  man,  who  now  afFefts  to  pity  me  for  wafting  my 
ftrength  upon  unrefifting  imbecility,  would,  not  long 
fmce,  have  heard  their  poems  with  applaufe,  and 
their  praifes  with  delight. 


C  67  3 
objedlions  therefore,  I  thought  it  beft  to  exhibit 
the  tribe  of  Bell  once  more  ;  and,  as  they  pafled 
in  review  before  me,  to  make  fuch  additional 
extra(Sts*  from  their  works,  as  fliould  put  their  de- 
merits beyond  the  power  of  future  queftion. 

I  remembered  that  this  gentleman  in  his  ex- 
cellent remarks  on  the  Baviad,  had  charged  the  au- 
thor with  "befpattering  nearly  all  the  poetical  emi- 
nence of  the  day."  Anxious,  therefore,  to  do 
impartial  justice,  I  ran  for  the  Album,  to  dif- 
cover  whom  I  had  fpared.  Here  I  read,  "  In 
this  colledtion  are  names  whom  Genius  will  ever 

look  upon  as  its  bejl  fupporters  !  Sheridan" 

what  is  "  Saul  alfo  among  the  Prophets ! — 
Sheridan,  Merry,  Parfons,  Cowley,  Andrews, 
Jerningham,  Colman,  Topham,  Robinfon,  &c." 

NOTES. 

*  I  know  it  will  faid  that  I  have  done  it,  ufque 
ad  naufeam.  I  confefs  it  j  and  for  the  reafon  given 
above.  And  yet  I  can  honeftly  affiire  the  reader, 
that  moft,  if  not  all,  of  the  trafli  I  have  quoted,  pafTed 
with  the  authors  for  fuperlative  beauties  ;  every  fe- 
condword  being  printed  either  in  italics,  or  capitals. 
F2 


C    68    3 

Thus  furnifhed  with  **  all"  the  poetical  emi- 
nence of  the  day,  I  proceeded,  as  Mr.  Bell  fays, 
to  befpatter  it;  taking  for  the  vehicle  of  my 
defign,  a  Satire  of  Horace — to  which  I  was  led 
by  its  fupplying  me  (amidft  many  happy  allu- 
lions)  with  an  opportunity,  I  was  not  unwilling  to 
feize,  of  briefly  noticing  the  prefent  wretched 
ftate  of  dramatic  poetry*. 

NOTES. 

*  I  know  not  if  the  ftage  has  been  fo  low,  fince  the 
days  of  Gammar  Gurton,  as  at  this  hour.  It  feems 
as  if  all  the  blockheads  iu  the  kingdom  had  ftarted 
up,  and  exclaimed,  una  <voce.  Come !  let  us  write  for 
the  theatres.  In  this  there  is  nothing,  perhaps  al- 
together new  ;  the  ftriking  and  peculiar  novelty  of 
the  times  feems  to  be,  that  all  *  they  write  is  re- 
ceived. Of  the  three  parties  concerned  in  this  bufi- 
nefs,  the  writers  and  the  managers  feem  the  leaft  cul- 


*  I  recoiled  but  two  exceptions.  Merry's  idiotical 
Opera,  and  Mrs.  Robinfon's  mor*  idiotical  Farce.  To 
have  failed  where  O'Keefe  fucceeded,  argues  a  degree  of 
fiupidity  fcarcely  credible.  Surely  "  ignorance  itfclf  is  a 
pUaet"  over  the  heroes  and  heroines  of  ihe  Baviad  1 


C  69  ] 
When  the  M^viad  (fo  I  call  the  prefent 
poem)  was  nearly  brought  to  a  conclufion,  I  laid 
it  afide.  The  times  feemed  unfavourable  to  fuch 
produftions.  Events  of  real  importance  were 
momentarily  claiming  the  attention  of  the  public ; 
and  the  ftill  voice  of  the  mufes  was  not  likely  to 
be  liftened  to  amidft  the  din  of  arms.     After  an 

NOTES. 

pable.  If  the  town  will  have  hufks,  extraordinary 
pains  need  not  be  taken  to  find  them  any  thing  more 
palatable.  But  what  fhall  we  fay  of  the  town 
itfelf!  The  lower  orders  of  the  people  are  fo 
brutified  by  the  lamentable  follies  of  O'Keefe,  and 
Cobbe,  and  Pillon,  and  I  know  not  who — Sardi 
venales,  each  worfe  than  the  other — that  they  have 
lofl  all  relifh  for  fimplicity  and  genuine  humour : 
nay,  ignorance  itfelf,  unlefs  it  be  grofs  and  glaring, 
cannot  hope  for  "  their  moft  fweet  voices."  And 
the  higher  ranks  are  fo  mawkiflily  mild,  that  they 
take  with  a  placid  fimper  whatever  comes  before 
them  :  or,  if  they  now  and  then  experience  a  flight 
fit  of  difguft,  have  not  refolution  enough  to  exprefs 
it,  but  fit  yawning  and  gaping  in  each  others  faces 
for  a  little  encouragement  in  their  pitiful  for- 
bearance, 

F3 


C  70  3 
interval  of  two  years,  however,  circumftanccs, 
which  it  is  not  material  to  mention,  have  induced 
me  to  finifh,  and  truft  it,  without  more  preface, 
to  the  candour  to  which  I  am  already  fo  highly 
indebted  for  the  warm  reception  of  the  Baviad. 

I  (hould  here  conclude  this  introduftion,  al- 
ready too  long  ;  were  it  not  for  the  fake  of  notic- 
ing the  ftrange  inconfiftency  of  the  town.  I  hear 
that  I  am  now  breaking  butterflies  upon  wheels ! 
There  was  a  time  (it  was  when  the  Baviad  firft 
appeared)  that  thefe  butterflies  were  Eagles,  and 
their  obfcurfi  and  defultory  flights,  the  obje<ft  of 
univerfal  envy  and  admiration.  They  are  yet  fo 
with  too  many  :  and  furely  no  one  can  wifli  an- 
other to  continue  under  the  infatuation  from 
which  himfelf  is  happily  free,  for  want  of  a 
little  additional  exertion ! 


C    71    ] 


THE 


MJEVIAD. 


YES,  I  DID  fay  that  Crufca's  *  "  true  fublime" 
Lacked  tafte,  and  fenfe,    and  every   thing  but 
rhyme  ; 


IMITATIONS. 

Horace,  Sat.  10.  Lib.  i. 

V.  I.  Nempe  incompofito  dixi  pede  currere 
verfas 

NOTES. 

•  Crufca's  "  true  fublime. "     The  words  between 
inverted  commas  in  this,  and  the  following  verfes, 

F4 


C  1*  3 

That  Arno's   "  cafy  ftrains"  were  coarfe  and 

rough. 
And  Edwin's  "  matchlefs  numbers"  woeful  fluff. 


IMITATIONS. 

Lucili.     Quis  tarn  Lucili  fautor  inepte  eft, 
Ut  non  hoc  fateatur  ? 

NOTES. 

are  Mr.  Bell's.  They  contain,  as  the  reader  fees, 
a  fliort  character  of  the  works  to  which  they  are 
refpeftively  affixed.  Though  I  have  the  misfortune 
to  differ  from  this  gentleman  in  the  prefent  inflances, 
yet  I  obferve  fuch  acutenefs  of  perception  in  his  ge- 
neral criticifm,  that  I  fhould  have  ftiled  him  the 
«<  profound"  inftead  of  the  «*  gentle  "  Bell ;  if  I 
had  not  previoufly  applied  the  epithet  to  a  ftill 
greater  man,  (abfit  invidia  di£lo)  to — Mr.  T. 
Vaughan. 

I  truft  this  incidental  preference  will  create  no  jea- 
loufy — for  though,  as  Virgil  properly  remarks,  **  An 
oaken  ftafF  each  merits;"  yet  I  need  not  inform  a 
gentleman,  who,  like  Mr.  Bell,  reads  Shakefpeare 
every  day  after  dinner,  that  **  if  two  men  ride  upon 
a  horfe,  one  of  them  muft  ride  behind." 


C    73     3 

And  who — forgive,  O  gentle  Bell !  the  word,  5 
For  it  muft  out — ^who,  prithee,  fo  abfurd. 
So  mulifhly  abfurd,  as  not  to  join 
In   this  with    me;    fave    always    thee,    and 
THINE  ! 

Yet  (till,  the  soul  of  candour!  I  allow'd 
Their  jingling  elegies  amufed  the  croud  ;  10 

That  lords  and  dukes  hung  blubbering  o'er  each 

line. 
That  lady- critics  wept,  and  cried  **  divine  !'* 
That  love-lorn  priefts  reclined  the  penfive  head. 
And  fentimental  enfigns,  as  they  read. 
Wiped  the  fad  drops  of  pity  from  their  eye,     15 
And  burft  between  a  hiccup  and  a  figh. 

IMITATIONS. 

V.  10,  &c.  At  idem  quod  fale  multo 

Urbem  defricuit,  charta  laudatur  eadem. 

Nee  tamen  hoc  tribuens  dederim  quoque  caetera  : 

nam  fie 
Et  Laberi  minos,  ut  pulchra  poemata  mirer. 


C     74     3 
Yet,  not  content,  like  horfe-leeches  they  come. 
And  fplit  my  head  with  one  eternal  hum 
For    **  more!    more!    more!"      Away!      For 

fliould  I  grant 
The  full,  the  unreferved  applaufe,  ye  want,    20 
St.  John  *  might  then  my  partial  voice  accufe. 
And  claim  my  fuffrage  for  his  tragic  mufe  ; 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  17.  The  horfe-leech  has  two  daughters, 
crying,  "  Give  !  give  !" 

Proverbs. 

NOTES. 

*  St.  John,  &c.  Having  already  obferved  in  the 
lutroduftion  that  the  Maeviad  was  nearly  finiflied  two 
years  fince,  and  confequently  before  the  death  of  this 
gentleman ;  I  have  only  to  add  here,  that  though  I 
fhould  not  have  introduced  into  it  any  of  the  heroes 
of  the  Baviad,  quorum  Flaminia  tegitur  cinis,  atque 
Latina,  yet  I  fcarce  think  it  neceflary  to  make  any 
changes  for  the  fake  of  omitting  fuch  as  have  pafled 
ad  plures,  in  the  interval  between  writing  and  pub- 
lifhing. 


C    75     ] 
And  Greathead  *,  rifmg  from  his  fliort  difgrace. 
Fling  the  forgotten  "  Regent"  in  my  face  ; 
Bid  me  my  cenfure,  as  I  may,  deplore. 
And  like  my  brother  critics  cry  "  Encore !" 

NOTES. 

The  reader  will  find  (v.  235)  another  inftance  of  my 
fmall  pretenfions  to  prophecy ;  and  probably  regret 
it  more  than  the  prefent. 

*  Greathead's  Regent.  Of  this  tragedy,  which 
was  recommended  to  the  world  in  more  than  one 
refpeflable  publication,  as  "the  work  of  a  scholar," 
I  want  words  to  exprefs  my  opinion.  The  plot  of 
it  was  childifh,  the  conduft  abfurd,  the  language 
unintelligible,  the  thoughts  falfe  and  confufed,  the 
metaphors  incongruous,  the  general  flyle  groveling 
and  bafe,  and,  to  fum  up  all  in  a  word,  the  whole 
piece  the  moft  execrable  abortion  of  ftupidity  that 
ever  difgraced  the  ftage. 

It  is  to  be  wifhed  that  Reviewers,  fenfible  of  the 
influence  their  opinions  necefTarily  have  on  the  pub- 
lic tafte,  could  divert  themfelves  of  their  partialities, 
when  they  fit  down  to  the  execution  of,  what  I  hope 
they  confider  as,  their  folemn  duty.  We  fliould 
not  then  find  them,  as  in  the  inftance  before  us,  re- 
commending a  work  to  favour,  deferving  univerfal 
reprobation  and  contempt. 


C    7«    3 
Alas,  my  learned  friends !    for  learn 'd  yc  are, 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  27.    Ergo  non  fatis  eft  rifu  diducere  ridlum 
Auditoris ;    &  eft  quaedam  tamen   hie  quoque 
virtus. 

NOTES. 

This  is  perhaps  requiring  too  much ;  as  it  fup- 
pofes  them  not  poflefled  of  the  feelings  of  other 
men.  And  yet — on  confidering  the  importance  of 
the  office  they  have  aflumed,  and  the  good  or  evil 
they  have  the  means  of  difpenfing— I  have  on  more 
than  one  occafion  lamented  that  they  were 

**  No  more  but  even  mortals,  and  commanded 
By  fuch  poor  paflions  as  the  maid  that  milks. 
And  does  the  meaneft  chares." 

It  is  but  fair  to  obferve,  however,  that  Mr.  Par- 
fons  has  added  his  all-fufficient  fuffrage  to  that  of 
the  Reviewers,  in  favour  of  Mr.  Greathead's 
abilities. 

**  O  bard !  to  whom  belongs 
Each  pureft  fount  of  poefy ! 


C    77    ] 
As  Bell  will  fay,  or,  if  ye  afk  it,  fwear  ; 


NOTES. 

Who  old  IlyfTus'  hallowied  dews 
In  his  OWN  Avon  dares  infufe. 
O  favoured  clime  !     O  happy  age  ? 
That  boafts  to  fave  a  finking  ftage" 
A  Greathead  !  !  ! 

Gent.  Mag. 

When  I  read  thefe,  and  other  high  founding  praifes, 
fcattered  over  Reviews,  Magazines,  Newfpapers,  and 
I  know  not  what,  without  having  feen  any  thing  but 
the  Regent ;  I  was  naturally  led  to  fufpe£l  that  Mr. 
G.  had  fucceeded  better  in  his  fmaller  pieces,  and 
thus  juftified  in  fome  degree  the  cry  of  his  "  learn> 
ing,  &c."     But  no.     All  was  a  blank  ! 

Here  follow  a  few  famples  of  the  **  Ilyflean  dews 
infufed  by  Mr.  Greathead  into  his  own  Avon" — 
muddied,  I  fuppofe,  and  debafed  by  the  home-bred 
flreamlets  of  one  Shakefpeare. 

**  In  fuller  prefence  we  defcry 
Mid  mountain  rocks — a  deity 
Than  eye  of  man  fliall  e'er  behold 
In  living  grace  oi  fculftur*d  gold  * 


[    78     3 
*Tis  not  enough  (though  this  be  fomewhat  too, 

NOTES. 

I  would  give  fomething  to  know  this  "  learned 
gentleman's"  idea  of  fculpturing.  In  the  Regent, 
he  talks  of  a  "  Sculptor's  kneading  docile  clay  ! !  1" 

More  matter  for  a  May  morning ! 

Ode  on  Apathy. 

"  Accurs'd  be  dull  lethargic  Apathy, 
Whether  at  eve  {he  liftlefs  ride 
In  fluggifh  car  by  tortoife  drawn— 
With  mimic  air  of  fenfelefs  pride. 

She  feebly  throws  on  all  her  withering  fight. 
While  too  obfervant  of  her  fway 
Unmark'd  her  droning  fubjefts  lie, 
Alike  to  her  who  murmur  or  obey. 

I  hope  the  reader  underftands  it. 


•  Mr.  Parfons  fays  "  thcfe  lines  arc  not  Greathead's." 
fiat  they  are  publifhed  with  his  name  in  the  Album  ;  which 
cxclufive  of  their  flupidity,  is  fufficient  authority  for  me. 
If  our  doughty  critic  choofes  to  take  them  to  himfclf,  I  can 
have  no  obje&ion ;  for,  after  all,  pugna  eft  de  paupere  regno! 


C    79    3 
And  more  perhaps*  than  Jerningham  can  do) 

NOTES. 

Ode  to  Duel. 

**  Never  didft  thou  appear 

While  Tiber's  fons  gave  law  to  all  the  world ; 

Yet  much  they  loved  to  defolate  and  flaughter, 

Carthage  attefl:  my  words 

To  glut  their  fanguinary  rage, 

Not  citizens  but  gladiators  fall. 

Slavery  and  vaflalage, 

And  favage  broils,  'twixt  nobles  are  no  more. 

Vanifti  thou  likewife  " 

And  thefe  are  Odes,  good  heavens!  "  After  the 
manner  of  Pindar,"  I  take  for  granted. 

But  enough  of  Mr.  G.  whom  I  hefitate  not  to 
pronounce,  with  all  his  "  fcholarfhip,"  as  ignorant 
a  man  as  any  in  the  three  kingdoms.  I  have  only 
to  add,  that  I  am  aftuated  by  no  perfonal  diflike 
of  Mr.  G. ;  for  I  can  fay  with  the  greateft  truth 
(what  indeed  I  can  of  all  the  heroes  of  the  Mae- 
viad)  that  I  have  not  the  flighteft  knowledge  of  him. 
But  the  daws  have  ftrutted  too  long :  it  is  more 
than  time  to  ftrip  them  of  their  adventitious  plum- 
age ;  and  if,  in  doing  it,  I  fhall  pluck  off  any  fea- 
thers which  originally  belonged  to  them,  they  have 
only  to  thank  their  own  vanity,  or  the  forward- 
nefs  of  their  injudicious  friends. 

*  And  more  perhaps  than  Jerningham  can  do.— 
No  ;  Mr,  Jerningham  has  lately  written  a  Tragedy 


C    8o    3 
Tis  not  enough  to  dole  out  Ahs !  and  Ohs  ! 

WOTES. 

and  a  Farce ;  both  extremely  well  fpoken  of  by 
the  Reviewers,  and  both  gone  to  the  **  paftry- 
cooks." 

I  thought  I  underftood  fomething  of  faces ;  but 
I  muft  read  my  Lavater  over  again  I  find.  That  a 
gentleman  with  the  "  phyfiognomie  d'un  mouton 
qui  r€ve,"  fiiould  fuddenly  ftart  forth  a  new  Tyrtaeus, 
and  pour  a  dreadful  note  thro*  a  cracked  war- 
trump,  amazes  me — ^Well;  Fronti  nulla  fides 
fhall  henceforth  be  my  motto ! 

In  the  pride  of  his  heart  Mr.  J.  has  taken  the 
inftrument  from  his  mouth,  and  given  me  a  fmart 
firoke  on  the  head  with  it :  this  is  fair, 

Caedimus,  inque  vicem  praebemus  crura  fagittis. 

He  has  alfo  levelled  a  deadly  blow  at  a  gentleman, 
who  moft  afluredly  never  dreamed  of  having  our 
Drawcanfir  for  an  antagonift  :  this,  though  not  quite 
fo  fair,  is  not  altogther  unprecedented ; 

An  eagle  towering  in  his  pride  of  place. 
Was  by  a  moufing  owl  hawked  at  1 

There  is  a  trait  of  fcholarlhip  in  Mr.  Jerningham's 
laft  poem,  which  fliould  not  be  overlooked ;    more 


C    81    3 
Through  Kemble's  thorax*,  or  through  Benfley's 
nofe  ; 

NOTES. 

efpecially  as  it  is  the  only  one.  Having  occaflon  to 
mention  **  Agave  and  her  infant  *,"  he  fubjoins 
the  following  explanation :  **  Alluding  to  Agave» 
who  in  a  dilirium  flew  her  child.  See  Ovid."  No, 
I'll  take  Mr.  Jerningham's  word  for  it,  though  I  had 
twenty  Ovids  before  me. 

*  Kemble's  thorax  •  •  •  hiatus  valde  deflendus 
•  •  *  But  why  mention  Mr.  Benfley  ?  "Why  not  ? 
Is  not  Mr.  Benfley  a  public  man,  and  his  fnuffling  an 
objeflof  public  concern?  But  Mr.  Benfley  is  a  good 
man  ;  and  perfeft  in  every  duty  of  life.  I  am  glad 
of  it  from  my  foul  ;  and,  if  I  were  on  the  topic  of 
private  virtues,  would  be  the  firft  to  praife  him.  But 
this  is  from  the  purpofe.  While  I  only  follow  the 
fair  ground  of  public  criticifm,  I  know  of  no  fliatute, 
political  or  moral,  which  forbids  my  faying  to  Mr. 
Benfley,  or  any  other  man  whofe  nofe  I  diflike, 


Exi 


Jam  gravis  es  nobis,  &  faepe  emungeris  j  Exi 
Ocyus  &  propera 


*  Sec  his  "  Peace,  Ignominy,  and  Deftruftion,"  Page  15, 


C    8»    3 

To  fill  our  ftage  with  fcaffolds,  or  to  fright 
Our  wives  with  rapes,  repeated  thrice  a  night. 

Judges ^Not  fuch  as  felf-created,  fit      35 

On  that  TREMENDOUS  BENCH*  which  fkirtsthe 

pit, 
Where  idle  Thefpis  nods,  while  Arnot  dreams 
Of  Nereids  "  purling  in  ambrofial  ftreams  ;"   40 


NOTES. 

*  When  this  was  written,  (which  was  while  the 
Opera  Houfe  was  ufed  for  plays)  the  **  learned  juf- 
ticers"  here  enumerated,  together  with  others  not 
yet  taken,  were  accuftomed  to  flock  nightly  to  this 
BENCH,  from  which  the  unlettered  vulgar  were  al- 
ways fcornfully  repelled  with  an  OYAE12,  AM0Y20S. 

I  have  not  heard  whether  the  New  Theatre  be 
pofleffed  of  fuch  a  one  :  I  think  not ;  for  critics  are 
no  more  gregarious  than  fpiders.  Like  them,  they 
might  do  great  things  in  concert,  but,  like  them  too, 
they  ufually  end  with  devouring  one  another. 

f  Arno.  The  dreams  of  this  gentleman,  which 
continue  to  make  their  appearance  in  the  Oracle,  un- 


r  83  3 

Where  Efte  in  rapture  cons  fantaftic  airs, 
"  Old  Piftol  new-revived"  in  Topham  flares, 
And  Bofwell,  aping  with  prepofterous  pride 
Johnfon's  worft  frailties,  rolls  from  fide  to  fide, 
His  heavy  head  from  hour  to  hour  ereds,  45 

AfFeds  the  fool,  and  is  what  he  afFefts  * 

Judges  of  truth  and  fenfe,  yet  more  demand  : 
That  art  to  nature  lend  a  helping  hand ! 


kotes. 

der  the  name  of  Thefpis,  are  not  always  of  Nereids. 
He  dreamed  one  night  that  Mr.  Pope  played  Pofthu- 
mus  with  lefs  fpirit  than  ufual ;  and  it  was  Mr.  John- 
fon  finging  Grammachre  !  Another  night,  that  the 
Mourning  Bride  might  have  been  better  caft,  and 
lo  !   it  was  the  Comedy  of  Errors  that  was  played !  !  I 

This  was  rather  unfortunate  :  but  the  reader  muft 
have  already  obferved,  from  the  ftrange  occupations 
of  thefe  **  felf-created  judges"  (which  I  have  faith- 
fully defcribed)  that,  fleeping  or  waking,  they  were 
attentive  to  every  thing  but  what  paflTed  before  their 
eyes. 

•  Pauper  videri  Cotta  vult,  et  eft  pauper  ! 

G  2 


C     84    3 
That  fables  well  devifed,  be  fimply  told, 
Corred  if  new,  and  probable  if  old. 

When  Mafon  leads  Elfrida  forth  to  view, 
Adorn 'd  with  virtues  which  flie  never  knew, 
I  feel  for  every  tear  ;  while  born  along 
By  the  full  tide  of  unrefifted  fong, 
I  flop  not  to  enquire  if  all  be  juft, 
But  take  her  goodnefs,  as  her  grief,  on  trust ; 
'Till  calm  refledion  checks  me,  and  I  fee 
The  heroine  as  (he  was,  and  ought  to  be, 
A  bold,  bad  woman,  wading  to  the  throne 
Thro'  feas  of  blood,  and  crimes  till  then  un- 
known :  60 
Then,  then  I  hate  the  magic  that  deceived. 
And  blufti  to  think  how  fondly  I  believed  *. 


♦  Mr.  Parfons'  note  on  this  paflage  is — "  Did 
you  BELIEVE  I  Could  you  pofTibly  be  fo  ignorant  ?"— 
Even  fo.  But  I  humbly  conceive  Mr.  Mafon,  who 
feduced  my  unfufpefling  youth,  is  equally  culpa- 
ble with  myfelf.    There  is  alfo  one  William  Shakef- 


C     85     3 

Not  fo,  when  Atheling*,  made  in  fome  strange 

plot 
The  hero  of  a  day  that  knew  him  not, 

NOTES. 

peare,  who,  I  am  ready  to  take  my  ^oath,  is  a  no- 
torious offender  in  this  way  ;  having  led  not  only 
me,  but  divers  others,  into  the  moft  grofs  and  ridi- 
culous errors ;  making  us  laugh,  cry,  and  I  know 
not  what,  for  perfons  whom  we  ought  to  have  known 
to  be  mere  non-entities. 

But  Mr.  Parsons  has  happily  obtained  an  obdu- 
rate and  impaffible  head  :  let  him,  therefore,  "  give 
God  thanks,  and  make  no  boaft  of  it."  He  is  a  wife 
and  a  wary  reader,  and  follows  the  moft  judicious  Bol- 
tom,  who,  having  like  himfelf,  too  much  fagacity  to 
be  impofed  upon  by  a  feigned  charafter,  was  laudably 
anxious  to  undeceive  the  world.  "  No,"  quoth  he, 
*•  let  him  thruft  his  face  through  the  lion's  neck,  and 
fay.  If  you  think  I  come  hither  as  a  lion,  it  were 

pity  of  my  life no,   I  am  no  fuch  thing  :  I  am  a 

man,  as  other  men  are ; — and  then,  indeed,  let  him 
name  his  name,  and  tell  them  plainly  that  he  is  Snug 
the  joiner." 

•  Atheling.  See  the  Battle  of  Haftings.  A  tra- 
gedy in  which  Mr.  Cumberland  has  contrived  with 

G3 


C   8«   3 
Struts  from  the  field  his  enemy  had  won,  65 

On  stately  stilts,  exulting  and  undone ! 
Here  I  can  only  pity,  only  fmile  ; 
Where  not  one  grace,  one  elegance  of  style, 
Redeems  the  audacious  folly  of  the  rest. 
Truth  facrificed,  and  history  made  a  jest.  70 

Let   this.  Ye  Crufcans*,   if  your  heads  be 
made 
**  Of  penetrable  stuff,**  let  this  perfuade 
Your  hufky  tribes  their  wanderings  to  restrain. 
Nor  hope  what  taste  and  Mafon  failed  to  gain; 


matchlefs  dexterity,  to  introduce  every  abfurdity  of 
every  kind. 

•  Ye  Crufcans ! 

O  voi,  che  della  Crusca  vi  chiamate 

Come  quei  che  farina  non  avendo 

Di  QjJELLA  a  tutto  pafto  vi  faziate  I — 


C     87     3 

Then  let  your  style  be  brief,  your  meaning 
clear,  75 

Nor,  like  Lorenxo*,  tire  the  labouring  ear 
With   a  wild   waste  of  words ;  found  without 

fenfe. 
And  all  the  florid  glare  of  impotence. 

IMITATIONS. 

V.  75.     Eft  brevitate  opus,  ut  currat  fententia, 
neufe 
Impediat  verbis  laflas  onerantibus  aures  ; 
Et  fermone  opus  eft  modo  trifti  faepe  jocofo. 

NOTES. 

*  Lorenzo.  "  A  lamentable  tragedy  by  Delia 
Crufca,  mixed  full  of  pleafant  mirth."  The 
houfe  laughed  a-good  at  it;  but  Mr.  Harris 
cried  fadly.  Here  is  another  inftance,  if  it  were 
wanted,  of  the  bad  efFedls  of  proititute  applaufe. 
Could  this  gentleman,  if  his  mind  had  not  been  pre- 
vioufly  warped  by  the  eternal  puffs  of  Bell  and  his 
followers,  have  fuppofed,  for  a  moment,  that  a 
knack  of  ftringing  together  "  hoar  hills'*  and 
<*  ripling  rills,"  and  "  red  Ikies  glare"  and  •*  thin, 
thin  air,"  qualified  a  man  for  writing  tragedy  ! 

G4 


C     88     3 

Still  with  your  charaders  your  language  changc,8o 
From  grave  to  gay,  as  nature  didates  range  ; 
Now  droop  in  all  the  plaintivenefs  of  woe. 
Now  in  glad  numbers  light  and  airy  flow, 
Now  fliake  the  stage  with  guilt's  alarming  tone. 
And  make  the  aching  bofom  all  your  own ; 

Now But  I  fing  in  vain  ;  from  firft  to  laft,  85 

Your  joy  is  fustian,  and  your  grief  bombast ; 
Rhetoric  has  banifhed  reafon ;  kings  and  queens 
Vent  in  hyperboles  their  royal  fpleens  ; 
Guardfmen  in  metaphors  exprefs  their  hopes, 
And  maidens  in  white  linen  howl  in  tropes.        90 

Reverent  I  greet  the  bards  of  other  days. ' 
Blest  be  your  names  !  and  lasting  be  your  praife ! 
From  nature's  varied  face  ye  wifely  drew. 
And  following  ages  owned  the  copies  true. 

IMITATIONS. 

V,  91.     Illi    fcripta  quibus  comoedia  prifca 
viris  eft 
Hoc  ftabant>  hoc  funt  imitandi 


C    89    ] 
O !  had  our  fots,  who  rhyme  with    headlong 

haste,  gr 

And  think  refledion  still  a  foe  to  taste, 
But  brains  your  pregnant  fcenes  to  understand. 
And  give  us  truth,  tho'  but  at  fecond  hand, 
'Twere  fomething  yet!     But   no;    they  never 

look 

Shall  fouls  of  fire,  they  cry,  a  tutor  brook  ?    100 
Forbid  it  infpiration  !     Thus  your  pain 
Is  void,  and  ye  have  lived  for  them  in  vain  ; 
In  vain  for  Crufca,  and  his  Ikipping  fchool, 
Cobbe,    Reynolds,  Andrews,  and  that  Nobler 

Fool ; 

IMITATIONS. 

V.  103.     quos  neque  pulcher 

Hermogenes  unquam  legit,  nee  fimius  ifte. 
Nil  praeter  Calvum  dodus  cantare  Catullum. 


C    90    ] 
Who  nought  but  Laura's*  tinkling  trafti  ad- 
mire, 105 
And  the  mad  jangle  of  Matilda's*  lyre. 

NOTES. 

*  Laura's  tinkling  trafti,  &c.  I  had  amafTed  a 
world  of  this  **  tinkling  trafti"  for  the  behoof  of  the 
reader ;  but  having  fortunately  for  him,  miftaid  it, 
and  not  being  difpofed  to  undertake  again  the  drud- 
gery of  wading  through  Mr.  Bell's  coUedlions,  I  can 
only  offer  him  the  little  that  occurs  to  my  memory. 
Of  this  little,  the  merits  mufl:  be  ftiared  among  Mrs. 
Robinfon,  Mrs.  Cowley,  and  Mr.  Merry. 

Et  vos,  O  Lauri,  carpam,  &  teproxima,  Myrte, 
Sic  poHtae  quoniam  fuaves  mifcetis  odores. 

O  let  me  fly 

Where  greenland  darknefs  drinks  the  beamy 
flcy  ! 

But  oh  !  beware  how  thou  doft  fling 
Thy  hot  pulfe  o'er  the  quivering  ftring  !  I  I 

Pluck  from  their  dark  and  rocky  bed 
The  yelling  demons  of  the  deep. 

Who  foaring  o'er  the  comet's  head. 
The  bofom  of  the  welkin  fweep. 


C   91   3 
But  Crufca  ftill  has  merit,  and  may  claim 
No  humble  ftation  in  the  ranks  of  fame  ; 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  107.  At  magnum  fecit,  quod  verbis  Graeca 
Latinis 
Mifcuit. 

NOTES. 

And  when  the  jolly  full  moon  laugha, 

In  her  clear  zenith  to  behold 

The  envious  ftars  withdraw   their  gleams  of 

gold, 
*Tis  to  thy  health  flie  ftooping  quaffs 
The  fapphire  cup  that  fairy  zephyrs  bring !  !  1 

On  confidering  thefe  and  the  preceding  lines,  I  was 
tempted  to  indulge  a  wifti  that  the  blue-ftocking  club 
would  iflue  an  immediate  order  to  Mr.  Bell,  to  ex- 
amine the  cells  of  Bedlam.  Certainly,  if  an  accu- 
rate tranfcript  were  made  from  the  "  darken'd  walls" 
once  or  twice  a  quarter,  an  Album  might  be  prefent- 
ed  to  the  falhionable  world,  more  poetical,  and  far 
more  rational,  than  any  they  have  lately  honoured 
with  their  applaufe. 


t    9»     2 
He  taught  us  first  the  language  to  refine, 
To  croud  with  beauties  every  fparkling  line  ;  no 

NOTES. 

Why  does  thy  ftream  oi  fweetejl  fong 
Foam  -on  the  mountain's  murmuring  fi(Je, 
Or  through  the  vocal  covert  glide ! 

I  heard  a  tuneful  phantom  in  the  wind, 

I  faw  it  watch  the  rifing  moon  afar 

Wet  with  the  weeping  of  the  twilight  ftar.— — 

The  pilgrim  who  with  tearful  eye  fhall  view 
The  moon's  wan  luftre  in  the  midnight  dew, 
Sooth'd  by  her  light. 

This  is  an  admirable  reafon  for  his  crying : — ^but 
what !  Un  fot  trouve  toujours  un  plus  fot  qui  I'admirc. 
Mr.  Bell  is  in  raptures  with  it,  and  very  properly 
recommends  it  to  the  admiration  of  Merry,  as  being 
the  produftion  of  **  a  congenial  foul."  There  is 
alfo  another  judicious  critic,  one  Dr.  Talker  (fhould 
it  not  be  Dr.  Trufler?)  who  has  given  a  decided 
opinion,  it  feems,  in  favour  of  this  lady's  abilities ; 
which  may  confole  her  for  the  fneers  of  fifty  fuch 
envious  fcribblers  as  the  author  of  the  Baviad. 

And  firft  you  fhall  hear  what  Mrs.  Robinfon  fays 
of  Dr.  Talker.——*"  The  learned  and  ingenious  Dr. 


C     93     ] 
Old  phrafes  \dth  new  meanings  to  difpenfe, 
Amufe  the  fancy,  and Confound  the  fenfe  : 

NOTES. 

Taflcer,  in  the  third  volume  of  his  elegant  and  crl^ 
tical  woriis,  has  pronounced  fomeof  Mrs.  Robin- 
fon's  poems  fuperior  to  thofe  of  Milton  on  the  fame 
fubjeft,  particularly  her  addrefs  to  the  nightingale  ! 
The  praifes  of  fo  competent  and  dijtnterejled  a  judge 
STAMPS  celebrity  that  neither  time  nor  envy  can 
obliterate  I !  1 

Oracle,  Dec;  lo. 

Next  you  fliall  hear  what  Dr.  Talker  fays  of  Mrs. 
Robinfon. 

"  In  antient  Greece  by  two  fair  forms  were  feen 

Wildom's  ftern  goddefs,  and  Love's  fmiling  queen, 

Pallas  prefided  over  arms  and  arts, 

And  Venus  over  gentle  virgins'  hearts. 

But  now  both  powers  in  one  fair  form  combine, 

And  in  famed  Robinfon  united  fhine. 

This  lady,  equally  celebrated  in  the  polite  and 
literary  circles,  has  honoured  Mr. — Lo !  the  Dr.  is 
dwindled  into  plain  Mr. — has  honoured  Mr.  Taflcer's 
poetical  and  other  produ<5lions  with  high  and  diftin- 
guilhed  marks  of  her  approbation  !" 

Exeter  Paper,  Jan.  i6. 


C    94    3 

O,  void  of  rcafon  !     Is  it  thus  you  praife 
A  linfey-woolfey  fong,  framed  with  fuch  cafe. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  1 13 — 116.     O  fcri  ftudiorum  !  quine 

putetis 
Difficileet  miruni,RHODio  quod  Pitholeonti 
Contigit. 

NOTES. 

Why  this  is  the  very  fong  of  Prodicus  n  ^ei^  rn* 

yjneot  xH^" fo"^  the  reft,    I  truft  my  readers  will 

readily  fubfcribe  to  the  praifes  thefe  moft  **  compe- 
tent and  difinterefted  judges"  have  reciprocally  la- 
viflied  on  each  other. 

But  allons, 

My  hand  at  night's  fell  noon 

Plucks  from  the  trefles  of  the  moon 
A  fparkling  crown  of  filv'ry  hue, 
Befprent  with  ftuds  of  frozen  dew  ! 

On  the  dizzy  height  inclined 

I  iijlen  to  the  paffing  laind 

That  loves  my  mournful  Jong  to  feize. 

And  bears  it  to  the  mountain  breeze. 


C    95     3 
Such  vacancy  of  thought,  that  every  line        115 
Might  tempt  e'en  Vaug HAN  towhifper,  "  this 
is  mine ! 


NOTES. 

Here  we  find  that  liftening  to  the  wind,  and  finging  to 
it  are  one  and  the  fame  thing ;  and  that — but  I  can 
make  nothing  of  the  reft. 

When  in  black  obtrufive  clouds 

The  chilly  moon  her  pale  cheek  ftirouds, 

I  mark  the  twinkly  ftarring  train 

Exulting  glitter  in  her  wane. 

And  proudly  gleam  their  borrowed  light 

To  gem  the  fombre  dome  of  night. 

What  an  admirable  obferver  of  nature  is  this  great 
poetefs !  The  ftar  twinkling  in  a  cloudy  night,  and 
gleaming  its  borrowed  luflre  is  fuperlative.  I  had 
almofl  forgot  to  obferve  that  thefe,  and  the  preceding 
lines,  are  taken  from  the  Ode  to  the  Nightingale  ;  fo 
fuperior,  in  the  reverend  judgment  of  Dr.  Talker, 
to  one  of  a  Mr.  John  Milton  on  the  fame  fubjeft. 

■ the  lightning's  rays 

Leap  through  the  night's  fcarce  pervious  gloom, 
Attrafted  by— —(what,  for  a  ducat  ?) 
Attraded  by  the  rofes  bloom  !  !  ! 


C    9<5     ] 
Vaughan!   well    remembered.     He   good 
man  complains 
That  I  affixed  his  name  to  Edwin's*  ilrains  : 


NOTES. 

Let  but  thy  lyre  impatient  feize 
Departing  twilight's  filmy  breeze. 
That  winds  the  inchanting  chords  among 
In  lingering  labyrinths  of  fong. 

See  in  the  clouds  its  maft  the  proud  bark  laves. 
Scorning  the  aid  of  ocean's  humble  waves  ! 
From  this  it  appears  that  Mrs.  Cowley  fancies  proud 
barks  float  on  their  marts.     It  is  proper  to  mention 
that  the  vcflel  takes  fuch  extraordinary  ftate  on  her- 
felf,  becaufe  fhe  carries  Delia  Crufca  ! 


from  a  young  grove's  fhade 


Whofe  infant   boughs    but    mock    the    expecting 

glade  !  !  ! 
Sweet  founds  dole  forth,  upborn  upon  the  gale, 
Prefs'd  thro'  the  air,  and  broke  upon  the  vale  ; 

Then  filent  walked  the  breezes  of  the  plain. 
Or  foared  aloft,  and  feiz'd  the  hovering  flrain. 

Delia  Crufca. 

The  force  of  folly  can  no  farther  go  f 


C    97     1 
*Tis  juft — for  what  three  kindred  fouls  have 

done, 
Is  most  unfairly  charged,  I  ween,  on  one.       120 
Pardon,  my  learned  friend  !     With  wat'ry  eyes 
Thy  growing  fame  to  truth  1  facrifice  ; 

NOTES. 

*  Edwin's  llrains.  If  the  reader  will  turn  to  the 
conclufion  of  the  Baviad,  he  will  find  a  delicious 
'Emr»fio¥  on  a  tame  moufe,  by  this  learned  gentle- 
man. As  it  feemed  to  give  univerfal  fatisfa6tion,  I 
embrace  with  pleafure  the  opportunity  of  laying 
before  him  another  effufion  of  the  fame  exquifite 
pen. 

It  will  be  found,  I  flatter  myfelf,  not  lefs  beau- 
tiful than  the  former,  and  will  ferve  admirably  to 
prove  that  the  author,  though  oftenfibly  devoted 
to  Elegy,  can,  on  a  proper  occafion,  aflume  an  air 
of  gaiety,  and  be  "  profound"  with  eafe,  and  in- 
ftruftive  with  elegance. 

*'  On  the  circumftance  of  a  maftiff' s  running  fu- 
rioufly  fad  dog !  towards  two  young  ladies,  and 
upon  coming  up  to  them,  becoming  inftantly  gentle 
good  dog  !  and  tradlable." 

H 


C    9«    3 
To  many  a  fonnet  call  thy  claims  in  doubt, 

And  "  at  one  entrance  fhut  thy  glory  out." 
Vet   MEWL  thou    still.      Shall  my  lord's  dor- 
moufe  die,  125 

And  low  in  dust  without  a  requiem  lie ! 
No,  MEWL  thou  still :  and  while  thy  d —  's  join, 
Their  melancholy  fymphonies  to  thine. 


NOTES. 

Tantum  ad  narrandum  argumentum  eft  benignitas. 

"  When  Orpheus  took  his  lyre  to  hell 

To  fetch  his  rib  away. 
On  that  fame  thing  he  pleas'd  fo  well. 

That  devils  learn'd  to  play. 

Befides  in  books  it  may  be  read. 

That  whilft  he  fwept  the  lute 
Grim  Cerb'rus  hung  his  favage  head. 

And  lay  aftoundly  mute. 

But  here  we  can  with  juftice  fay 
That  nature  rivals  art. 


t     99     3 
My  righteous  verfe  (hall  labour  to  restore 
The  well-earned   fame  it  robbed  them   of  be- 
fore. 130 
Edwin,  whatever  elegies  of  woe 
Drop  from  the  gentle  mouths  of  Vaughan   and 

Co. 

To  this  or  that,  henceforth  no  more  confined^ 
Shall,  like  a  fumame,  take  in  all  the  kind. 

Right!  cry  the  brethren.     When  the  heaven- 
born  mufe  135 
Shames  her  defcent,  and  for  low  earthly  views, 
Hums  o'er  a  beetle's  bier  the  doleful  stave. 
Or  fits  chief  mourner  at  a  May-bug's  grave, 
Satire  fhould  fcourge  her  from  the  vile  employ. 
And  bring  her  back  to  friendfliip,   love,    and 
joy.                                                    140 

NOTES. 

He  fang  a  maftifF's  rage  away, 
You  look'd  one  thro'  the  heart.'* 

Fecit  Edwik. 

H  2 


C    ioo    3 
But  fparc  Cefario*,  Carlos  ,  Adelaide', 

NOTES. 

*  Cefario.  In  the  Baviad  (p.  48)  there  are  a  few 
ftanzas  of  a  moft  delegable  ode  to  an  owl.  They 
were  afcribed  to  Arno  :  nor  was  I  confcious  of  any 
miftake,  'till  I  received  a  polite  note  from  that  gentle- 
man, afluring  me  that  he  was  not  only  not  the  author 
of  them ;  but  (horefco  referens)  that  he  thought 
them  "  execrable."  Mr.  Bell,  on  the  othtr  hand, 
affirms  them  to  be  "  admirable." 

Who  fliall  decide  when  doflors  difagree  ? 

Be  this  as  it  may,  I  am  happy  to  fay  that  I  have  dif- 
covered  the  true  author.  They  were  written  by  Ce- 
fario; and  as  I  rather  incline  to  Mr.  Bell,  pace  Arnd 
dixerim,  I  fliall  make  no  fcruple  of  laying  the  re- 
mainder of  this  "  mellifluous  piece"  before  my 
reader. 

**  Slighted  love  the/oul  fubduing. 

Silent  forrow  chills  the  hearty 
Treacherous  fancy  dill  pur/uing. 

Still  repels  the  poifoned  dart. 

Soothing  thofe  fond  dreams  of  pleafure 

Pi^ur'd  in  the  gloiving  breaft, 
Lanjtjb  of  her  fweeteft  treafure 

Anxious/<r«r  is  charm' d  to  reft,—. 


The  truest  poetefs  !  the  truest  maid  f 

NOTES. 

Fearlefs  o'er  the  whiten'd  bilioivs. 

Proudly  rife,  fweet  bird  of  night, 
Safely  through  the  bending  iviHo'Vjf 

Gently  wing  thy  aery  flight, 

Cesario. 

Though  I  flatter  myfelf  I  have  good  fenfe  and  tafte 
enough  to  fee,  and  admire  the  peculiar  beauties  of 
this  ode,  yet  a  regard  for  truth  obliges  me  to  declare 
they  are  not  original.  They  are  taken  (with  improve- 
ments, I  confefs)  from  a  moft  beautiful  "  fong  by  a 
perfon  of  quality,"  in  Pope's  Mifcellanies.  This, 
though  it  detracts  a  little  from  Cefario's  inventive 
powers,  ftill  leaves  him  the  praife  (no  mean  one]  of 
having  gone  beyond  that  great  poet,  in  what  he  pro- 
bably confideredas  the  ne  plus  ultra  of  ingenuity. 

Venimus  ad  fummum  fortunae !  Mr,  Greathead 
equals  Shakefpeare,  Mrs.  Robinfon  furpafles  Mil- 
ton, and  Cefario  outdoes  Pope  in  that  very  perfor- 
mance, which  he  vainly  imagined  fo  complete  as  to 
take  away  all  defire  of  imitating,  all  poflibility  of  ext 
celling  it  1 

O  favoured  clime !  O  happy  age  ! 

H  3 


Lorenzo'',  Rueben ',  fpare  :  far  be  the  thought 

NOTES. 

2  Carlos.  I  have  nothing  of  this  gentleman  (a 
nioft  pertinacious  fcribbler  in  the  Oracle)  but  the 
following  "  fonnet :"  luckily,  however,  it  is  fo  in- 
effably ftupid,  that  it  will  more  than  fatisfy  any 
reader  but  Mr.  Bell's. 

OK   A    lady's    PORTRAlt. 

Oft  hath  the  poet  hailed  the  breath  of  morn, 

That  wakens  nature  with  the  voice  of  fpring. 
And  oft,  when  purple  fummer  feeds  the  lawn. 

Hath  fancy  touched  him  with  her  procreant  wing. 
Full  frequent  has  he  blefs'd  the  golden  beam 

Which  yellow  autumn  glowing  fpreads  around. 
And  tho'  pale  winter  prefl'd  a  paly  gleam, 

Frelh  in  his  breaft  was  young  defcription  found 

I  can  copy  no  more — Job  himfelf  would  lofe  all  pati- 
ence here.  Inflead,  therefore,  of  the  remainder  of  this 
incomprehenfible  trafh,  I  will  give  the  reader  a  firing  of 
judicious  obfervalions  by  Mr.  T.  Vaughan.  "  Bruyere 
fays,  he  will  allow  that  good  writers  are  fcarce  enough, 
but  adds,  and  juflly,  that  good  critics  are  equally  fo  : 
which  reminds  our  correfpondent  alfo  of  what  the 
Abbe  Trublet  ivrites,  /peaking  of  profeffed  critics. 


C    103    ] 

Of  intereft,  far  from  them.    Unbribed,  unbouglit, 


where  \vtfays,  if  they  were  obliged  to  examine  au- 
thors impartially there  would  be  fewer  writers  in 

this  ijoay.  Was  this  to  be  the  liberal  pradlice  adopted 
by  our  modern  critics,  we  ftiould  not  fee  a  Baviad 
— (Oons!  who  is  this  Baviad  !) — falling  upon  men 
and  things,  that  are  much  above  his  capacity,  and 
feemingly  for  no  other  reafon  than  becaufe  they 
are  fo." 

A  Daniel  come  to  judgment,  yea,  a  Daniel !  This 
is  in  truth  the  reafon  ;  and  when  Mr.Vaughan  and  his 
coadjutors  will  condefcend  to  humble  themfelves  to 
my  underftanding,  I  will  endeavour  to  profit  by  their 
eloquent  ilriftures. 

3  Adelaide.  And  who  is  Adelaide  ?  O  feri  fludio- 
rum !  "  Not  to  know  her  argues  yourfelves  un- 
known." Hear  Mr.  Bell,  the  Longinus  of  Newf- 
paper  writers. 

ADELAIDE. 

•'  He  who  is  here  addrefled  by  the  firft  lyric  writer 
in  the  kingdom,  muft  himfelf  endeavour  to  repay  a 
debt  fo  highly  honourable,  if  it  can  be  done  by  verfe  ! 
This  Lady  fhall  have  the  praife,  which  ought  to  be 

H4 


C     104     ] 
They  pour  *  from  their  big  breast's  prolific  zone, 

NOTES. 

given  by  the  country  !  !  !  that  of  firft  difcovering, 
and  drawing  out  the  fine  poivers  of  Arno  and  Dellj^ 
Crufca  l" 

*'  O  thou  whom  late  I  watch'd  while  o'er  thee  hung 
The  orb,  whofe  glories  I  fo  oft  have  fung. 
Beheld  thee  while  dijlonuer  of  beam 
Made  night  a  lovelier  morning  feem,"  &c. 

We  might  here  difmifs  this  "  firft  lyric  writer  of 
the  age,"  who,  from  her  flippant  nonfenfe,  appears  to 
be  Mrs.  Piozzi ;  were  it  not  for  the  fake  of  remark- 
ing, that  whatever  be  the  merit  of  "  drawing  out  the 
fine  powers  of  Arno"  (which,  it  feems  this  ungrateful 
country  has  not  yet  rewarded  with  a  ftatue)  (he  muft 
be  content  to  fhare  it  with  Julia.  Hear  her  Invoca- 
tion— but  firft  hear  Mr.  Bell.  *'  A  moft  elegant  com- 
pliment, which  for  generous  efteem  has  been  feldom 
equalled,  any  more  than  the  mufe  which  infpired  it." 

JULIA    TO    ARNO. 

Arxio  !  where  Iteals  thy  dulcet  lay 
Soft  as  the  evening's  minftrel  note, 

Say,  does  it  deck  the  rifing  day. 
Or  on  the  noon-tide  breezes  float  III 


U    105    3 
A  proud,  poetic  fervour,  only  known 

NOTES. 

Mrs.  Robinfon  (for  we  may  as  well  drop  the  name 
of  Julia)  has  been  guilty  of  a  trifling  larceny  here  ; 
haying  taken  from  the  Baviad  without  any  ac- 
knowledgment, a  delicious  couplet  which  I  flat- 
tered myfelf  would  never  have  been  feen  out  of 
that  poem but  fo  it  is,  that,  like  Pope, 

write  whate'er  I  will. 


Some  rifing  genius  sins  up  to  it  ftill. 

This  has  nettled  me  a  little,  and  pofllbly  injured 
the  great  poetefs  in  my  opinion  ;  for  I  have  been 
robbed  fo  often  of  late,  that  I  begin  to  think  with 
the  old  cEconomift, 

Ot^T®'  acoi^iiv  ^ft;^®'  oj  s|  (jjisv  ourtron  sJe*. 

For  the  reft,  this  <'  Invocation"  called  forth  a 
fpecimen  of  Arno's  fine  powers  in  the  following 
dulcet  lays. 

ARNO  TO  JULIA. 

Sure  fome  dire  ilar  inimical  to  man 
Guides  to  his  heart  the  defolating  fire, 

Fills  with  contention  only  his  brief  fpan, 
And  rouzes  him  to  murderous  defire. 


C     106     ] 
To  fouls  like  theirs' ;  as  Anna's  youth  infpires, 


NOTES. 

There  are  who  fagely  fcan  the  tortured  worid. 

And  tell  us  war  is  but  neceflity, 
That  millions,  by  the  great  difpenfer  hurl'd, 

Muft  fuflFer  by  this  fcourgc,  and  ceafe  to  be. 

Euge  Poeta ! 
^   Lorenzo.     Kat  ttwj  lyu  H^nihi  ^nyoift.' otv  frifAX  ti 

Says  a  hungry  wight  in  an  old  comedy.  But  I  know 
of  no  feafoning,  whatever,  capable  of  making  the 
infipid  garbage  of  this  modern  Sthenelus  palatable, 
even  to  the  voracious  appetite  of  the  blue-ftocking 
club :  I  fball  therefore  fpare  myfelf  the  difguft  of 
producing  it. 

*  Reuben,  whom  I  take  to  be  Mr.  Greathead  in 
difguife,  (it  being  this  gentleman's  fate,  like  Hercules 
of  old,  to  affiime  the  merit  of  all  unappropriated 
prodigies)  Reuben  introduced  himfelf  to  the  World 
by  the  following  "  Addrefs  to  Anna  Matilda." 


C    107    3  . 
As  Laura's  graces  kindle  fierce  defires, 

NOTES. 

To  thee  a  ftranger  dares  addrefs  his  theme, 

To  thee,  proud  miftrefs  of  Apollo's  lyre, 
One  ray  emitted  from  thy  golden  gleam. 

Prompted  by  love  would  fet  the  world  on  fire  I 
Adorn  then  love  in  fancy-tinftured  veft, 

Camelion  like,    anon  of  various  hue. 
By  Penferofo,  and  Allegro  dreft. 

Such  genius  claim'd  when  flie  Idalia  drew..       . 

Anna  Matilda,  what  could  flie  lefs  !  found 


this  refufcitating  praife 


Breathe  life  upon  her  dying  lays, 

Like  *'  the  daify  which  fpreads  her  bloom  to  the 
moift  evening " !  !  !  and  accordingly  produced  a 
matchlefs  '<  adornment  of  love,"  to  the  great  con- 
tentment of  the  gentle  Reuben. 

But  bard  polite,  quoth  fhe,  how  hard  the  tafk 
"Which  \\\thfuch  elegance  you  afk  1 

Who  could  have  thought  thefe  lines,  the  fimple 
tribute  of  gratitude  to  genius,  would  have  nearly 
occafioned  "  a  perdition  of  fouls!"  Yet  fo  it  was. 
They   unfortunately   rouzed  the  jealoufy  of   Delia 


As  Henriett For  heaven's  fake  !  not  fo  faft. 

I  too,  my  maftersi  ere  my  teeth  were  caft,       150 


Crufca  *<  on  the  fportive  banks  of  the  Rhone.'* — 
One  lucklefs  evening 

"  When  twilight  on  the  weftern  edge 

Had  twined  his  hoary  hair  with  fabling  fedge," 

as  he  was  "  weeping"  (for,  like  Mafter  Stephen,  thefe 
good  creatures  think  it  neceffary  to  be  always  melan- 
choly) at  the  tomb  of  Laura,  he  ftarted,  as  well  he 
might,  at  the  accurfed  name  of  Reuben. 

Hark  !  quoth  he, 
What  cruel  founds  are  thefe 
Which  float  upon  the  languid  breeze. 
Which  fill  my  foul  with  jealous  fear ! 
Hah!  Reuben  is  the  name  I  hear. 
For  him  my  faithlefs  Anna,  &c. 

It  is  with  no  fmall  regret  I  add,  that  the  cold- 
blooded Bell  has  deftroyed  this  beautiful  fancy-fcene 
with  one  ftroke  of  his  clownifh  pen.  In  a  note  on  the 
above  lines  (Album,  p.  134)  he  officioufly  informs  us 
that  Delia  Crufca  knew  "  nothing  of  his  rival,  till 
he  read"  deteftedword!  ♦*  his  fonnet  in  the  Ora- 
cle." O  Bell !  Bell !  Is  it  thus  thou  humbleft  the 
ftrains  of  the  fublime !  Surely  we  may  fay  of  thee 
what  was  not  ill  faid  of  one  ^of  thy  fillers, 


Had  learned,  by  rote,  to  rave  of  Delia's  charms, 
To  die  of  tranfports  found  in  Chloe's  arms, 
Coy  Daphne  with  obstreperous  plaints  to  woo, 
And  curfe  the  cruelty  of God  knows  who. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  150.     Atqui  Ego  cum  graecos  facerem,  na- 
tus  mare  citra, 
Verficulos,  vetuit  tali  me  voce  Quirinus 
Poft  mediam  vifus  no6tem,  cum  fomnia  vera. 

NOTES. 

Sed  tu  infulfa  male  et  molefta  vives. 
Per  quam  non  licet  efle  negligentem. 


•  They  pour,  &c. 


-I  love  fo  well 


Thy  foul's  deep  tone,  thy  thought's  high  fwill, 
Thy  proud  poetic  fervour  known, 
But  in  thy  breaft's  prolific  zone. 

Dell.  Cruf. 


C    "o    3 
When  Phoebus,  (not  the  Power  that  bade  thee 
write,  155 

For  he,  dear  Dapper !  was  a  lying  fprite) 

One  morn,  when  dreams  are  true,  approached  my 

fide, 
And,  frowning  on  my  tuneful  lumber,  cried, 

**  Lo !  every  corner  with  foft  fonnets  crammed. 

And  high-born  odes,  "  works  damned,  or  to  be 
damned :"  160 

And  is  THY  adive  folly  adding  more 

To  this  most  worthlefs,  moft  fuperfluous  ftore  ? 

O  impotence  of  toil !  thou  mighteft  as  well 

Give  fenfe  to  Efte,  or  modefty  to  Bell. 

Forbear,   forbear:   what    tho'    thou    canft    not 
claim  165 

The  facred  honours  of  a  POET's  name. 

Due  to  the  few  alone,  whom  I  infpire 

With  lofty  rapture,  with  etherial  fire  ! 

Yet  mayft  thou  arrogate  the  humble  praifc 

Of  reafon's  bard,  if,  in  thy  future  lays,  1 70 


t    "I    3 
Plain  fenfe,   and    truth,  (and   fureljr  thefc  arc 

thine) 
Corred  thy  wanderings,  and  thy  flights  confine." 

Here  ceafed  the  God,  and  vaniflied.     Forth  I 

fprang 
While  in  my  ear  the  voice  divine  yet  rang  ; 

Seized    every   rag   and   fcrap,   approached    the 
fire,  175 

And  faw  whole  Albums  in  the  blaze  expire. 

Then  fliame  enfued,  and  vain  regret,  to  have 
fpent 
So  many  hours  (hours  which  I  yet  lament,) 

In  thriftlefs  induftry  ;  and  year  on  year 

Inglorious  rolled,  while  diffidence,  and  fear,  180 

Repreft  my  voice unheard  till  Anna  came. 

What !  throbb'st  thou  YET,  my  bofom,  at  the 

name  ? 

And  chafed  the  oppreffive  doubts  that  round  me 
clung. 

And  fired  my  breast,  and  loofened  all  my  tongue* 


[    I"    3 
E'en    then    (admire,  John    Bell!    my  fimplc 

ways)  185 

No  heaven,   and  hell,  d^iced  madly  thro'  my 

lays, 
No  oaths,  no  execrations  ;  all  was  plain : 
Yet,  truft  me,  while  thy  "  ever  jingling  train" 
Chime  their  fonorous  woes  with  frigid  art, 
And  (hock  the  reafon  and  Revolt  the  heart ;      190 
My  hopes,  and  fears,  in  nature's  language  drest. 
Awakened  love  in  many  a  gentle  breast. 

How  oft,  O  Dart  !  what   time  the  faithful 

pair 
Walked  forth,  the  fragrant  hour  of  eve  to  ihare. 
On  thy  romantic  banks,  have  my  wild  ftrains*,  195 
(Not  yet  forgot  amidst  my  native  plains) 

IMITATIONS. 
V.  195.     In  fylvam  non  ligna  feras  infaniusy 

ac  n 

Magnas  Graecorum  malis  implere  catervas—— 


•  Mr.  Parfons  is  extremely  angry  at  my  "  often- 
tatious  intrufion"  of  the  "  Otium  Divos"  into  the 


T.SledumlliA.^,l.  ,/.A>.«!'j«-»J.. 


Men'/'a/i.  line  22'. 


/•uiUt/ud  ./«/»-  >s  '797.  tyJ.H^nffkt.  /'iartdil/v 


C    "3    3 
While  THOU  hast  fweetly  gurgled  down  the  vale, 
Filled  up  the  paufe  of  love's  delightful  tale ! 

NOTES. 

notes  on  this  poem.  What  could  I  do  ?  I  ever 
difliked  publifhing  my  little  modicums  on  loofe  pages 
— but  I  (hall  growwifer  by  his  example  ;  and,  indeed, 
am  even  now  compofmg  "  one  Riddle^  two  Rebuffes, 
and  an  Acroftic,  to  a  child  at  nurfe,*"  which  will 
be  fet  forth  with  all  convenient  fpeed.  Meanwhile 
I  am  tempted  to  offend  once  more,  and  fubjoin  the 
only  two  of  my  "  wild  ftrains"  that  now  live  in 
my  recoUedtion.  I  can  affiire  Mr.  P.  they  were 
written  on  the  occafions  they  prbfefs  to  be — and  the 
laft  of  them  at  a  time  when  I  had  no  idea  of  fUr- 
viving  to  provoke  his  indignation: 

— • fed  Cynarae  breves 

Annos  fata  dederunt,  me 
Servatura  diu. 

TO    A    TUFT    OF    EARLY    VIOLETS. 

Sweet  flowers  !  that  from  your  humble  beds 

Thus  prematurely  dare  to  rife, 
And  truft  your  unprotefted  heads 

To  cold  Aquarius*  watry  fkies  j 

•  See  "  One  Epigram,  Two  Sonnets,  and  Onb  Ode  to 
a  Boy  at  School,  by  W.  Parfons,  Efq." 

I 


C    114   3 

While,  ever  as  (he  read,  the  confcious  maid, 
By  faultering  voice,  and  downcast    looks  be- 
tray'd  200 

NOTES. 

Retire,  retire!  These  tepid  airs 

Are  not  the  genial  brood  of  May ; 
That  fun  with  light  malignant  glares, 

And  flatters  only  to  betray. 

Stern  Winter's  reign  is  not  yet  paft— — 
Lo  I  while  your  buds  prepare  to  blow, 

On  icy  pinions  comes  the  blaft, 
And  nips  your  root,  and  lays  you  low. 

Alas,  for  fuch  ungentle  doom  ! 

But  I  will  Ihield  you  ;  and  fupply 
A  kindlier  foil  on  which  to  bloom, 

A  nobler  bed  on  which  to  die. 

Come  then — ere  yet  the  morning  ray 
Has  drunk  the  dew  that  gems  your  creft, 

And  drawn  your  balmiefl  fweets  away ; 
O  come,  and  grace  my  Anna's  bread. 

Ye  droop,  fond  flowers !     But,  did  ye  know 
What  worth,  what  goodnefs  there  refidc. 

Your  cups  with  livelieft  tints  would  glow. 
And  fpread  their  leaves  with  confcious  pride. 


Would  blufhing  on  her  lover's  neck  recline, 
And  with  her  finger — point  the  tenderest  line. 

NOTES. 

For  there  has  liberal  Nature  join'd 

Her  riches  to  the  ftores  of  Art, 
And  added  to  the  vigorous  mind. 

The  foft,  the  fympathizing  heart. 

Come  then — ere  yet  the  morning  ray 
Has  drunk  the  dew  that  gems  your  creft, 

And  drawn  your  balmiefl  fweets  away ; 
O  corne  and  grace  my  Anna's  breaft. 

O !  I  fhould  think, — that  fragrant  bed 
Might  I  but  hope  with  you  to  fhare,— 

Years  of  anxiety  repaid. 

By  one  (hort  hour  of  tranfport  there. 

More  bleft  than  me,  thus  fliall  ye  live 
Your  little  day  ;  and  when  ye  die. 

Sweet  flowers !  the  grateful  mufe  fhall  give 
A  verfe  j  the  forrowing  maid,  a  figh. 

While  I  alas  !  no  diftant  date. 
Mix  with  the  duft  from  whence  I  came, 

Without  a  friend  to  weep  my  fate. 
Without  a  ftone  to  tell  my  name. 

I  a 


C     "6     J 

But  thefe  are  past :  and,  mark  me,  Laura ! 
time 
That  made  what  then  was  venial,  now  a  crime, 

^OTES. 

WRITTENTWOYEARS  AFTERTHE  PRECEDING. 

I  wifli  I  was  where  Anna  lies ; 

For  I  am  fick  of  lingering  here 
And  every  hour  AfFe<5lion  cries, 

Go,  and  partake  her  humble  bier. 

I  wifh  I  could  !   For  when  (he  died 

I  loft  my  all ;  and  life  has  prov'd 
Since  that  fad  hour  a  dreary  void, 

A  wafte  unlovely,  and  unlov'd.— 

But  who,  when  I  am  turn'd  to  clay. 

Shall  duly  to  her  grave  repair. 
And  pluck  the  ragged  mofs  away. 

And  weeds  that  have  "  no  bufinefs  there  V* 

And  who  with  pious  hand  Ihall  bring 

The  flowers  fhe  cherifh'd,  fnow-drops  cold. 

And  violets  that  unheeded  fpring, 
To  fcatter  o'er  her  hallow'd  mold  ? 


C    "7    3 

To  more  befitting  cares  my  thoughts  confined,  205 
And  drove  with  youth,  its  follies  from  my  mind. 


And  who,  while  memory  loves  to  dwell 

Upon  her  name  for  ever  dear, 
Shall  feel  his  heart  with  paflion  fwell. 

And  pour  the  bitter,  bitter  tear  ? 

I  DID  IT  ;  and  would  fate  allow, 

Should  vifit  ftill,  (hould  ftill  deplore- 
But  health  and  ftrength  have  left  me  now. 
And  I  alas !  can  weep  no  more. 

Take  then,  fweet  maid  !  this  fimple  drain. 

The  laft  I  offer  at  thy  ftirine  ; 
Thy  grave  muft  then  undeck'd  remain. 

And  all  thy  memory  fade  with  mjne. 

And  can  thy  foft  perfuafive  look, 
Thy  voice  that  might  with  mufic  vie. 

Thy  air,  that  every  gazer  took. 
Thy  matchlefs  eloquence  of  eye. 

Thy  fpirits,  frolickfome,  as  good. 
Thy  courage,  by  no  ills  difmay'd. 

Thy  patience,  by  no  wrongs  fubdu'd, 

Thy  gay  good-humour — Can  they  "  fade!" 

I  3 


C    "8    3 

Since  then,  while  Merry,  and  his  nurfelings  die, 
Thrill'd  *  by  the  liquid  peril  of  an  eye ; 


IMITATIONS. 

V.    207.      Turgidus   Alpinus   jugulat    dum 
Memnona,  dumque 
Diffingit  Rheni  luteum  caput,  haec  ego  ludo, 
Quae  nee  in  aede  fonent  certantia,  judice  Tarpa. — 

NOTES. 

Perhaps — but  forrow  dims  my  eye  : 
Cold  turf,  which  I  no  more  muft  view, 

Dear  name,  which  I  no  more  muft  figh, 
A  long,  a  lafl,  a  fad  adieu  ! 

•  Thrilled,  &c. 


Bid  the  ftreamy  lightnings  fly. 
In  liquid  peril  from  thy  eye. 


Dell.  Cms. 


Ne'er  (halt  thou  know  to  figh> 

Or  on  a  foft  idea  die, 

Ne'er  on  a  recolleftion  gafp. 

Thy  arms Ohe  I  jam  fatis  eft. 

Anna  Mat. 


C    "9    3 

Gafp  at  a  recolledtion,  and  drop  down 
At  the  long  ftreamy  lightning  of  a  frown  ;     210 
I  footh,  as  humour  prompts,  my  idle  vein 
In  frolick  verfe,  that  cannot  hope  to  gain 
Admiflion  to  the  Album,  nor  be  feen 

In  L *s  Review,  or  Urban's  Magazine. 

O,  for  thy  fpirit,    Pope !     Yet  why  ?     My 

lays,  215 

That  wake  no  envy,  and  invite  no  praife, 
Half-creeping,  and  half-flying,  yet  fuffice 
To  ftagger  impudence,  and  ruffle  vice. 
An  hour  may  come,  fo  I  delight  to  dream, 
When  flowly  wandering  by  thy  facred  ftream,  220 
Majeftic  Thames  !  I  leave  the  world  behind. 
And  give  to  fancy  all  th'  enraptur'd  mind. 
An  hour  may  come,  when  I  fliall  ftrike  the  lyre 
To  nobler  themes  :  then,  then,  the  chords  infpire 
With    thy    own   harmony,    moft  fweet,    moft 

ftrong,  225 

And  guide  my  hand  thro'  all  the  maze  of  fong  ! 
Till  then,  enough  for  me,  in  fuch  rude  ftrains 
As  mother  Wit  can  give,  and  thofe  fmall  pains 
I4 


[       140       ] 

A  vacant  hour  allows  ;  to  range  the  town, 
And  hunt  the  clamorous  brood  of  Folly  down ;  230 
Force  every  head,  in  Efte's  defpite,  to  wear 
The  cap  and  bells,  by  nature  planted  there. 
Muffle  the  rattle,  feize  the  flavering  {holes, 
And  drive  them,  fcourged  and  whimpering,  to 

their  holes. 
Burgoyne*,    perhaps,    unchill'd    by   creeping 

age,  235 

May  yet  arife,  and  vindicate  the  ftage  ; 
The  reign  of  nature  and  of  fenfe  reftore, 
And  be  whatever  Terence  was  before. 

IMITATIONS. 

V.  235.     Arguta  meretrice  potes,    Davoque 
Chremeta 
Eludente  fenem,  comis  garrire  libellos 
Unus  vivorum,  Fundani. 

NOTES. 

*  Burgoyne.     See  the  note  on  v.  ai. 


C    "I    3 
And  you,  too,  whole  Menander !  who  combine 
With  his  pure  language  and  his  flowing  line,  240 
The  SOUL  of  Comedy  ;  may  fteal  an  hour 
From  the  fond  chace  of  ftill-efcaping  power, 
The  poet  and  the  fage  again  unite. 
And  fweetly  blend  instruction  with  delight. 

And  yet  Elfrida's  bard,  tho'  time  has  fhed    245 
The  fnow  of  age  too  deep  around  his  head  ; 
Feels  the  kind  warmth,  the  fervour,  that  infpired 
His  youthful  breast,  still  glow  unchecked,  un- 

tired : 
And  yet,  tho'  like  the  bird  of  eve,  his  fong 
**  Fit  audience  finds"  not  in  the  giddy  throng ;  250 
The  notes,  tho'  artful  wild,  tho'  numerous  chaste, 
Fill  with  delight  the  fober  cafe  of  taste, 

put  thefe,  and  more  I  could  with  honour  name, 
Too  proud  to  stoop,  like  me,  to  vulgar  game. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  245.  molle  atque  facetum 

Virgilio  annuerunt  gaudentes  rure  Camenae. 


C    12*    3 

Subje6ls  more  worthy  of  their  daring  chufe,    255 
And  leave  at  large  the  abortions  of  the  mufe. 
Proud  of  their  privilege,  the  innumerous  fpawn, 
From  bogs  and  fens,  the  mire  of  Pindus  drawn, 
New  vigour  feel,  new  confidence  affume. 
And  fwarm  like  Pharaoh's  frogs  in  every  room.  260 

Sick  of  th'  eternal  croak  which,  ever  near. 
Beat  like  the  death-watch  on  my  tortured  ear  ; 
And  fure,  too  fure,  that  many  a  genuine  child 
Of  truth  and    nature,  checked  his   wood-notes 
wild*. 


NOTES. 

•  Checked  his  wood-notes  wild.  ^noirnuaHut  xoXoiwn 
euTonon  xux»o».  But  this  is  better  illuftrated  in  a  moft 
elegant  fable  of  LelTing's,  to  which  I  defpair  of  doing 
juflice  in  a  tranflation. 

Du  zurneft,  Liebling  der  Mufen,  &c.  &c. 

Thou  art  troubled,  darling  of  the  Mufes,  thou  art 
troubled  at  the  clamorous  fwarms  of  infefls  which 
infeft  Parnaflus.  O  hear  from  me  what  once  the 
nightingale  heard  from  the  ftiepherd. 


C     "3     ] 

Dear  to  the  feeling  heart in  doubt  to  win  265 

The  vacant  wanderer,  midst  th'  unceafing  din 
Of  this  hoarfe  rout ;  I  feized  at  length  the  wand ; 
Refolved,   tho'  fmall   my  (kill,  tho'  weak  my 

hand. 
The  mifchief  in  its  progrefs  to  arrest, 
And  exorcife  the  foil  of  fuch  a  pest.  270 

Hence !  in  the  name 1  fcarce  had  fpoke, 

when  lo ! 
Reams  of  outrageous  fonnets  *,  thick  as  fnow. 


Sing  then,  faid  he  to  the  filent  fongftrefs,  one  lovely 
evening  in  the  fpring,  fing  then,  fweet  nightingale! 
Alas  !  faid  the  nightingale,  the  frogs  croak  fo  loud, 
that  I  have  loft  all  defire  to  fing  :  doft  thou  not  hear 
them  ?  I  do,  indeed,  replied  the  fhepherd — but  thy 
filence  alone  is  the  caufe  of  it. 

"  There's  comfort  yet !" 

*  Reams  of  outrageous  fonnets.  Of  thefe  I  have 
collected  a  very  reafonable  quantity,  which  I  purpofe 


["4     3 
Flew  round  my  head  ;  yet,  in  my  caufe  fecure 
"  Pour  on,"  I  cried,  "  pour  on,  I  will  endure." — 


NOTES. 

to  prefix  to  fome  future  edition  of  the  Mseviad,  under 
the  true  claflic  head  of 

INSIGNIUM    VIRORUM 

ALIQUOT  TESTIMONIA 

QVl 

BAV  :  ET  M^V  :  INCLYTISS  :   AUCTORIS 

MEMINERUNT. 

Meanwhile  I  (hall  prefent  the  reader  with  the  two  firft 
that  occur,  as  a  fpecimcn  of  the  coUeftion. 

SONNET   I. 

**  To  the  anonymous  author  of  the  Baviad,  oc- 
cafioned  by  his  fcurrilous,  and  moft  unmerited  attack 
on  Mr.  Wefton. 

Demon  of  darkness  !  whofoe'er  thou  art, 
That  dar'ft  aflume  the  brighter  angel's  form. 

And  o'er  the  peaceful  vale  impel  the  ftorm, 
With  many  a  figh  to  rend  the  bcttefi  heart, 


C    "S    ] 
What !    (hall    I    flirink,    becaufe    the  noble 
train  275 

Whofe  judgement  I  impugn,  whofe  tafle  arraign, 


NOTES. 

Force  from  th'  unconfctous  eye  the  tear  to  ftart. 

And  with  juft  fride  th'  indignant  bofom  warm  ; 
Avaunt !  to  where  unnumber'd  fpirits  fwarm, 

Foul  and  malignant  as  thyfelf,  depart. 
Genius  of  Pope  defcend,  ye  fervile  crew 

Of  imitators  vile,  intrude  not !  !  !     I  appeal 
To  thee,  and  thee  alone  from  outrage  bafe. 

Tell  me  tho'  fair  the  forms  his  fancy  drew, 
Should'ft  thou  the  fecrets  of  his  heart  reveal. 
Would  fame  his  memory  crown,  or  cover  with  dif- 
grace." 

J.  M. 
Gent,  Mag.  Aug.  1792. 

This  poor  driveller,  who  is  ftupid  enough  to  be 
Wefton's  admirer,  and  malignant  enough  to  be  his 
friend,  I  take  to  be  one  Morleyj*   whom  I  now  and 


•  I  was  right.     Mr.  Morley,  who  I  underftand  is  a  clergy- 
man, and  who,  like  Mr.  Parfoos,  exults  in  the  idea  of  having 


C    "6    3 

Alive,  and  trembling  for  their  favourites*  fate^ 
Purfue  my  verfewith  unrelenting  hate ! 


KOT28. 

then  obferve  in  the  Gent.  Mag.  ufhering  his  great 


firft  attacked  me,  has  fince  publifhed  a  *'  Tale,"  the  wit, 
or  rather  duUaefs  of  which,  if  I  recoiled  right,  coniifts  in 
my  being  difappointed  of  a  Living  ! 

Here  follow  a  few  of  the  introduftory  linei  which  for 
poetry  and  pleafaotry  can  only  be  exceeded  by  fome  of  Mr. 
Parfon's. 

•<  What  if  a  little  once  I  did  abufe  thee  ? 

"  Worfe  than  thou  hadft  deferved  I  could  not  ufe  thee. 

"  For  when  I  fpied  thy  Satyr's  cloven  foot, 

"  'Tis  very  true,  I  took  thee  for  a  brute  ;  ' 

*•  And  marking  more  attentively  thy  manners, 

**  I  fince  have  wiflied  thy  hide  were  at  the  tanner's. 

*'  But  if  a  man  thou  art,  as  fome  fuppofe, 

"  Oh!  how  my  fingers  itch  to  pull  thy  nofe! 

**  As  pleafed  as  Punch,  I'd  hold  it  in  my  gripe, 

*'  Till  Parkinfon  had  ftuffed  thee  for  a  fnipe !  I  ! 

It  is  rather  fingular  that  this  ftilUbora  lump  of  infipidity 
(hould  be  introduced  to  the  Bookfeller  under  the  aufpices  of 
Doctor  Parr.     If  that  rcfpe£table  name  was  not  abufed 


C    "7    3 

No : faveme  from  their  praise,  and  I  can  fit 

Calm,  unconcerned,  the  butt  of  Andrew's  wit,  280 
And  Topham's  fenfe  j  perverfely  gay,  can  fmile 
While  Efte,  the  zany,  in  his  motley  ftyle, 


NOTES. 

prototype's  doggrel  into  notice,  with  an  importance 
truly  worthy  of  it. 

SONNET  II. 

To  the  execrable  Baviad. 

Monster  of  Turpitude!  who  feem'ft inclined 
Through  me  to  pierce  with  thy  impregnate  dart, 


on  the  occafion,  I  can  only  fay  that  politics,  like  mifery, 
"  bring  a  man  acquainted  with  ftrange  bedfellows"! 

For  the  reft,  I  will  prcfent  Mr.  Morley  with  a  couple  of 
lines,  which,  if  he  will  get  conftrued  and  ferioufly  reflcft 
upon,  before  he  next  puts  pen  to  paper,  may  be  of  more 
fervice  to  him,  than  all  the  iiiflruflion,  and  all  the  encou* 
ragement,  the  Dofior,  apparently,  ever  gave  him  : 

Cur  ego  laborem  notus  eHe  tarn  pravi 
Cum  flare  gratis  cum  filcntio  polTiml 


C     »8     ] 

Calls  barbarous  names ;  while  Bell  and  Boaden 

rave, 
And  Vaughan,  a  brother  blockhead's  verfe  to 

fave. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  283 — 288.  Men'  moveat  cimex  Pantilius  ? 
autcrucier,  quod 
Vellicet  abfentem  Demetrius  ?  aut  quod  ineptus 
Fannius  Hermoginis  laedat  conviva  Tigelli  ? 

NOTES. 

The  Jine -/pun  nerve  of  each  full  Sofom'd  mind,* 
And  rock  in  apathy — the  sensi  VE  heart, 

Tremble  I  forlo!  my  Oracle -fo  famed 

Shall  RING  each  morn  in  thy  accursed  ear 

A  griding  pang  !  so when  the  Grecian  MAREf 

Enter'd  the  /otu«,  old  Pyramus  exclaim'd 


*  Qucre  fall-bottom'd  ?  Printer's  Devil, 

f  Grecian  Mare.  This  has  been  hitherto,  inaccurate!/ 
enough,  named  the  Trojan  horse  ;  and,  indeed,  I  myfelf 
had  nearly   fallen  into  the  unfcholarlike  error,    when   my 


C     "9     ] 
Toils  day  by  day  my  eharader  to  drkw^  285 

And  heaps  upon  me  every  thing— but  law. 


I  fee !  I  fee  ! and  hurl'd  his  lightning  fpear. 

While  Capaneus  drew  back  his  head — for  fear, 

And  godlike*  Alexander gazing  round, 

Unconfcious  of  his  viftories — to  come, 
Approach'd  the  monarch,  and  withyb^j  profound 
Explain'd  th'  impending  wrath  o'er  Ilium's  royal 
dome. 

J.  Bell. 


learned  friend  Greathcad  convinced  me  (from  I^ope's  emen> 

dations    of  Virgil,  under  the  fantafiic  name  of  Scriblerus) 

that  the  animal  in  queftion  was  a  mare— She  being  there 

faid  to  be  foeta   armis,  armed   with  a  fatus.     Let  us  hear  no 

more,  therefore  of  the  Trojan  horse. 

The  patronymick  Trojan   is  ftill  more  abfurd.     Homer 

exprefsly  declares  the  Mare  to   have  been  produced  by  Pal« 

las — Palladisarte  :  now  Pallas  was  a  Grecian  Goddefs,  as 

is  fufiiciently  manifeft  from  her  name,  which  is  derived  from 

n«M«  vibro. 

J.  Bell. 

♦  Godlike  ;  that  is,  SmhJi)?,  from   ^to,   God,  and  i,5))f, 
like,     (Vide  Hom-^    Tranflators  in  general  (I  except  a  late 

K 


C    130    3 
But  do  I  then,  (abjuring  every  aim) 
All  cenfure  flight,  and  all  applaufe  difclaim  ? 
Not  fo :  where  judgment  holds  the  rod,  I  bow 
My  humbled  neck,  awed  by  her  angry  brow  ;  290 
Where  tafte  and  fenfe  approve,  I  feel  a  joy 
Dear  to  my  heart,  and  mixed  with  no  alloy. 
I  Write  not  to  the  modifli  herd  :  my  days. 
Spent  in  the  tranquil  fliades  of  letter'd  eafe, 
Alk  no  admiring  stare  from  thofe  I  meet,         295 
No  loud  "  that's  he  !"   to  make  their  pafTage 
fweet. 

I      ■        '    ■  ■  ■  — .  ■■,      ■  ■    I  II       - 1.     „    <  .111    -        II  .^ 

NOTES. 

One)  are  too  inattentive  to  the  compound  epithets  of  this 
great  poet.  By  why  does  Homer  call  Alexander  Codlike, 
when  he  appears  from  Curtius  Quintiufes  tedious  gazette, 
in  verfe,   to  have  had  one   Ihoulder  higher  than  the  other  ? 

My  friend  V thinks  it  was  purely  to  pay  his  court  to 

him,  in  hopes  of  getting  into  his  Will,  or  rather  into  his 
MISTRESSES.  It  may  bc  fo  ;  but 'ti$  ftrangc  the  abfurdity 
was  never  noticed  before. 


t     131     3 
Pleafed  to  steal  foftly  by,  unmarked,  unknown, 
I    leave   the  world  to   Holcroft,    Pratt*,  and 
Vaughan. 


ROTES. 

*  Pratt.  This  gentleman  lately  put  in  pradlice  a 
very  notable  fcheme.  Having  fcribbled  himfelf  fairly 
out  of  notice,  he  found  it  expedient  to  retire  to  the 
continent  for  a  few  months — to  provoke  the  enqui- 
ries of  Mr.  Lane's  indefatigable  readers. 

Mark  the  ingratitude  of  the  creatures !  No  en~ 
quiries  were  made,  and  Mr.  Pratt  was  forgotten  be- 
fore he  had  crofled  the  channel.  Ibi  omnis  efFufus 
labor. — But  what ! 

The  moufe  that  is  content  with  one  poor  hole, 
Can  never  be  a  moufe  of  any  foul. 

Baffled  in  this  expedient,  he  had  recourfe  to  another, 
and,  while  we  were  dreaming  of  nothing  lefs,  came 
before  us  in  the  following  paragraph. 

**  A  few  days  fince  died,  at  Bafle  in  Swiflerland, 
the  ingenious  Mr.  Pratt.  His  lofs  will  be  feverely 
felt  by  the  literary  world ;  as  he  joined  to  the  ac- 
complifhments  of  the  gentleman  the  erudition  of  the 
fcholar." 


C   J3»   3 
Of  thefe  enough.     Yet  may  the  few  I  love. 
For  who   would  fing   in  vain !     my  verfe    ap- 
prove ;  300 
Chief  thou,  my  friend !    who,  from  my  earliest 

years, 
Hast  fhared  my  joys,  and  more  than  fhared  my 
cares. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  300.     probat  haec  Odavius,  optimus 

atque 
Fufcus  :  &  haec  utinam  Vifcorum  laudet  uterque ! 

NOTES. 

This  was  inferted  in  the  London  papers  for 
feveral  days  fuccedively.  The  country  papers  too 
*«  yelled  out  like  fyllables  of  dolour."  At  length, 
while  our  eyes  were  yet  wet  for  the  irreparable 
lofs  we  had  fuftained,  came  a  fecond  paragraph 
as  follows. 


C    133    3 
Sure,  if  our  fates  hang  on  fome  hidden  Power, 
And  take  their  colour  from  the  natal  hour. 
Then,    Ireland  * !    the    fame  planet  on    us 
rofe;  305 

Such  the  strong  fympathies  our  lives  difclofe  1 

KOTES. 

**  As  no  event  pf  late  has  caufed  a  more  general 
forrow  than  the  fuppofed  death  of  the  ingenious  Mr. 
Pratt ;  we  are  happy  to  have  it  in  our  power  to  aflTure 
his  numerous  admirers,  that  he  is  as  well  as  they 
can  wifti,  and  (what  they  will  be  delighted  to  hear) 
bufied  in  preparing  his  Travels  for  the  prefs." 

♦«  Laud  we  the  Gods!" 

*  Here,  on  account  of  its  connexion  with  the  per- 
fon  mentioned  in  the  text,  I  fliall  take  the  liberty — 
cxtremum  hunc  mihi  concede  of  inferting  the  foU 
lowing  "  Imitation,"  addrefled  to  him  feveral  years 
fince.  It  was  never  printed  ;  nor,  as  far  as  I  know, 
feen  by  any  but  himfelf:  and  I  tranfcribe  it  for  the 
prefs,  with  mingled  fenfations  of  gratitude  and  de- 
light, at  the  favourable  change  of  circumftances  we 
have  BOTH  experienced  Hnceit  was  written. 


C     134     ] 
Thou  knowest  how  foon  we  felt  this  influence 
bland. 
And  fought  the  brook  and  coppice  hand  in  hand, 

NOTES. 
TO    THE 

REV.  JOHN  IRELAND.^r 

IMITATION  OF  HORACE. 

LIB.    II.    ODE    16. 

OtiumDivos  rogat,  ice. 

When  howling  winds,  and  louring  Ikies, 
The  light,  untimber'd  bark  furprife 

Near  Orkney's  boifterous  feas  ; 
The  trembling  crew  forget  to  fwear. 
And  bend  the  knees,  unufed  to  prayer, 

To  aflc  a  little  eafe. 

For  cafe  the  Turk,  ferocious,  prays, 
For  eafe  the  barbarous  Rufle for  eafe, 

Which  P k  could  ne'er  obtain  ; 

Which  Bedford  lack'd  amidft  his  ftore. 
And  liberal  Clive,  with  mines  of  ore, 

Oft  bade  for — but  in  vain. 

♦  Now  Vicar  of  Croydon  in  Surry,  and  Author  of 
•«  Difcourfcs  on  the  RejtSion  of  the  GoJ^el  iy  the  Antient 
Jtwf  and  Greeks." 


E    '3S   3 
And  fliaped  rude  bows,    and   uncouth  whistles 

blew, 
And  paper  kites  (a  last,  great  effort,}  flew^  310 


For  not  the  liveried  troop  that  wait 
Around  the  manfions  of  the  great, 

Can  keep,  my  friend,  aloof; 
Fear,  that  attacks  the  mind  by  fits, 
And  Care,  that  like  a  raven  flits 

Around  the  lordly  roof. 

"  O,  well  is  he"  to  whom  kind  heaven 
A  decent  competence  has  given ! 

Rich  in  the  blefling  fent ; 
He  grafps  not  anxioufly  at  more, 
Dreads  not  to  ufe  his  little  ftore. 

And  fattens  on  content. 

"  O  well  is  he !"  for  life  is  loft, 
Amidft  a  whirl  of  paflions  toft ; 

Then  why,  dear  Jack,  ftiould  man, 
Magnanimous  Ephemera !  ftretch 
His  views  beyond  the  narrow  reach 

Of  his  contracted  fpan  1 

Why  fliould  he  from  his  country  run. 
In  hopes,  beneath  a  foreign  fun, 

K4 


C    136    ] 
And  when  the  day  was  done,  retired  to  rest. 
Sleep  on  our  eyes,  and  funfliine  in  our  breast. 


NOIES. 

Serencr  hours  to  find  ? 
Was  never  man  in  this  wild  chace, 
Who  changed  his  nature  with  his  place. 

And  left  himfelf  behind. 

For,  winged  with  all  the  lightning's  fpeed. 
Care  climbs  the  bark,  Care  mounts  the.  (te?d, 

An  inmate  of  the  breaft : 
Nor  Barca's  heat,  nor  Zembla's  cold. 
Can  drive  from  that  pernicious  hold. 

The  too-tenacious  gueft. 

They,  whom  no  anxious  thoughts  annoy, 
Qrateful,  the  frefent  hour  enjoy, 

Nor  feek  the  next  to  know  ; 
To  lighten  every  ill  they  ftrive, 
Nor,  ere  Misfortune's  hand  arrive, 

Anticipate  the  blow. 

Something  muft  ever  be  amifs 

Man  has  HIS  joys;  but  perfe£^  blifs 


C    137    ] 
In  riper  years,  again  together  thrown, 
Our  studies,  as  our  fports  before,  were  one. 


Lives  only  in  the  brain  : 
We  cannot  all  have  all  we  want ; 
And  Chance,  unaflced,  to  this  may  grant 

What  THAT  has  begg'd  in  vain. 

Wolf  ruflied  on  death  in  manhood's  bloom, 
Paulet  crept  flowly  to  the  tomb; 

Here  breath,  there  fame  was  given  : 
And  that  wife  Power  who  weighs  our  lives. 
By  contras yzndihy pros,*  contrives 

To  keep  the  balance  even. 


*  In  the  earlier  editions  of  this  poem  (which  were  printed 
during  my  abfence  from  town)  there  was  an  enormous 
hallucination  in  this  place — no  lefs  than  a  tranfpofuion  of 
an  R  \  This  very  naturally  called  forth  all  the  indignation 
of  the  lynx-eyed  and  learned  Mr.  Parfons,  and  he  comment- 
ed  upon  it  in  the  following  terms. 

"  It  would  be  endlefs  to  notice  all  the  errors  of  this 
"  prefumptuous  pedant,  whofe  dullnefs  is  equal  to  h^s 
"  impudence,    his  fal(hood   and   malignity ;  and   before  h^ 


C    138    3 
Together  we  explored  the  stoic  page  315 

Of  the  Ligurian,  stern  the'  beardlefs  fage  ! 


NOTES. 

To  THEE  fhe  gave  two  piercing  eyes, 
A  body juftof  Tydeus'  fize. 

A  judgment  found,  and  clear  ; 
A  mind  with  various  fcience  fraught, 
A  liberal  foul,  a  thread  bare  coat. 

And  forty  pounds  a  year. 


"  makes  a  parade  of  greek  quotations  againft  fuch  a  writer 
"  as  Edwin*,  he  fhould  at  lead  learn  latin;  but  in  this 
««  every  merchant's  clerk  will  deteA  him." 

*  Our  Ariftarchus  is  at  '<  his  old  lunes,"  blundering 
again.  The  only  quotation  I  have  made  againft  Edwin  (to 
ufe  Mr.  Parfons's  elegant  phrafe)  is  a  latin,  and  not  a  greek 
one — but  'tis  lofs  of  time  to  talk  to  fuch  naturals  of 
quotations.  The  morofoph  Efte  (Telegraph,  April  28) 
announced  an  Ode  of  Horace's  as  a  compofition  of  Mr. 
Parfons's,  and  Parfons  himfelf  undoubtedly  miftook  the  verfe 
alluded  to,  for  a  profe  exclamation  of  my  own ! 


r  139  3 

Or  traced  the  Aquinian  thro*  the  Latine  road. 
And  trembled  at  the  lafhes  he  bestowed. 
Together  too,  when  Greece  unlocked  her  stores. 
We   roved    in   thought    o'er   Troy's    devoted 
(hores ;  320 

Or  followed,  while  he  fought  his  native  foil, 
**  That  old  man  eloquent"  from  toil  to  toil ; 
Lingering  with  good  AlcinoUs  o'er  the  tale, 
Till  the  east  reddened,  and  the  stars  grew  pale. 


NOTES. 

To  ME  one  eye  not  over  good, 

Two  fides,  that,  to  their  coft,  have  flood 

A  ten  years  heftic  cough  ; 
Aches,  flitches,  all  the  numerous  ills 
That  fwell  the  devilifh  doctor's  bills. 

And  fweep  poor  mortals  off. 

A  coat  more  bare  than  thine,  a  foul 
That  fpurns  the  croud's  malign  controul ; 

A  fixed  contempt  of  wrong  ; 
Spirits  above  affliflion's  power, 
And  fkill  to  charm  the  lonely  hour 

With  no  inglorious  fong. 


I    140    3 

So  past  our  life ;  till  fete,  fcvcrcly  kind,     325 
Tore  us  apart,  and  land  and  fea  disjoined. 
For  many  a  year  :  now  met,  to  part  no  more. 
The  afcendant  Power,  confefled  fo  ftrong  of  yore. 
Stronger  by  abfence,  every  thought  controuls. 
And  knits  in  perfect  unity  our  fouls.  33Q 

O  Ireland!  if  the  verfethat  thus  effays 
To  trace  our    lives  "  e'en   from  our   boyifli 

days," 
Meet  thy  applaufe  :  the  world  befide  may  rail — 

I  care  not at  the  uninterefting  tale  : 

I  only  feek,  in  language  void  of  art,  335 

To  ope  my  breaft,  and  pour  out  all  my  heart ; 
And  boaftful  of  thy  various  worth,  to  tell. 
How  long  we  lov'd,  and  thou  canft  add,  how 

WELL  ! 

Thou  too,  MTHOPPNERlifmy  wifti  availed, 
Should'ft  praife  the  ftrain  that  but  for  thee  had 
failed :  340 

Thou  knowest,  when  Indolence  pofleffed  me  all. 
How  oft  I  rouzed  at  thy  infpiring  call ; 


C    «4i    3 
Burft  from  the  Syren's  fafcinating  power, 

And  gave  the  Mufe  thou  loveft,  one  studious 
hour. 
Proud  of  thy  friendfhip,  while  tlic  voice  of 
fame  345 

Purfues  thy  merits  with  a  loud  acclaim, 
I  ftiare  the  triumph — not  unpleafed  to  fee 
Our  kindred  destinies  ;  for  thou  like  me. 

Waft  thrown  too  foon  on  the  world's  dangerous 
tide. 

To  fink  or  fwim,  as  chance  might  best  de- 
cide. 350 

Me,  all  too  weak  to  gain  the  distant  land. 

The  waves  had  whelmed,  but  that  an  outstretched 
hand 

Kindly  upheld,  when  now  with  fear  unnerved — 

And  still  protedls  the  life  it  then  preferved. 

Thee,  powers  untried,  perhaps  unfelt  be- 
fore, 355 

Enabled,  tho'  with  pain,  to  reach  the  fhore, 


[     »4»     ] 

While  West  stood  by,  the  doubtful  strife  to 

view, 
Nor  lent  a  friendly  arm  to  help  thee  through. 
Nor  ceafed  the  labour  there  :  Hate,  ill-fupprest. 
Advantage  took  of  thy  ingenuous  breast,  360 

Where  faving  wifdom  yet  had  plac'd  no  fcreen, 
But  every  word,  and  every  thought  was  feen. 
To  darken    all  thy  life— 'Tis  past:     more 

bright 
Thro'  the  difparting  gloom   thou   strikest   the 

fight ; 
While   baffled   malice   hastes    thy    powers   to 

own,  '  365 

And  wonders  at  the  worth  fo  long  unknown. 
I  too,  whofe  voice   no  claims  but  truth's  e'er 

moved, 
Who  long  have  feen  thy  merits,  long  have  loved. 
Yet  loved  in  filence,  lest  the  rout  fliould  fay 
Too    partial    friendfhip    tuned     th'    applaufive 

lay ;  370 


C     »43     3 
Now,  now  that  all  confpire  thy  name  to  raife, 
May  join  the  (hout  of  unfufpeded  praife. 

Go  then,  fince  the  long  struggle  now  is  o'er. 
And  envy  can  obstruct  thy  fame  no  more  ; 
With  ardent.hand  thy  magic  toil  purfue,  375 

And  pour  frefh  wonders  on  our  raptured  view. 
One  SUN  is  fet,  one  glorious  sun  ;  whofc 

rays 
Long  gladdened  Britain  with  no  common  blaze : 
O,  may'ft  thou  foon  (for  clouds  begin  to  rife) 
Affert  his  station  in  the  eastern  fkies,  380 

Glow  with  his  fires,  and  give  the  world  to  fee 
Another   Reynolds   rifen.   My    friend,  in 

thee! 
But  whither  roves  the  Mufe  ?     I  but  defigned 
To  note  the  few  whofe  praife  delights  my  mind ; 
But    friendfhip's    power  has   drawn   the  verfc 

astray,  385 

Wide  from  its  aim,  a  long,  but  flowery  way. 
Yet  one  remains,  one  name  for  ever  dear. 
With  whom,  converfing  many  a  happy  year, 


[     144     ] 

I  marked  with  fecret  joy  the  opening  bloom 

Of  Virtue,  prefcient  of  the  fruits  to  come,      390 

Truth,  honour,  red^itude O  while  thy  breast, 

My  Belgrave!  of  its  every  wifti  poflest, 
Swells  with  its  recent  tranfports,  recent  fears. 
And  tenderest  titles  strike,  yet  charm  thy  ears. 
Say,  wilt  thou  from  thy  feelings  paufe  awhile,  395 
To  view  my  humble  labours  with  a  fmile  ? 
Thou  wilt :  for  still  'tis  thy  delight  to  praife. 
And  still  thy  fond  applaufe  has  crowned  my  lays. 
Here  then  I  rest ;  foothed  with  the  hope  to 
prove 
The  approbation  of  "  the  few  I  love,"  400 

Joined  (for  ambitious  thoughts  will  fometimes 

rife) 
Joined  to  th'  endurance  of  the  good  and  wife. 
Thus  happy — I  can  leave  with  tranquil  breast 
Fafhion's  loud  praife  to  Laura  and  the  rest. 
Who  rhyme  and  rattle,  innocent  of  thought,  405 
Nor  know  that  nothing  can  proceed  from  nought. 


C     145     3 
Thus  happy, — I  can  view  unruffled,  MileSj 
Twift  into  fplay-foot  doggrel  all  St.  Giles. 
Edwin  fpin  paragraphs  with  Vaughan's   whole 

fkill, 
Efte    rapt    in   nonfenfe,    gnaw    his    grey-goofe 

quill,  410 

Merry  in  dithyrambics  wail  his  wrongs, 
And    Wefton,    foaming    from    Pope's    odious 

fongs, 
"  Much-injured  Wefton,"  vent  in  odes  his  grief. 
And  fly  to  Urban  for  a  (hort  relief. 


IMITATIONS. 

V.  410.     Complures  alios,  do6tos  ego  quos — 
Prudens  praetereo  :   quibus  haec  lint  qualiacunque 
Arridere  velim  ;  doliturus,  fi  placeant  fpe 
Deterius  nostra.     Demetri  teque  Tigelli, 
Difcipularum  inter  jubeo  plorare  cathedras. 

FINIS. 


819S 


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