The Beat Within 13.02

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HCIIO BCcIt editorial note readers, how's the
world treating you? How's your neighbor treating you?
How are you treating yourself? Hope this new year is
starting off on a positive note for you, or at least better
than yesterday?

We the writers of the editorial note site always
curious vifho in their right mind is reading this note,
and what do you hope to learn from the spillage on
this page? Hey, don't get us wrong, we appreciate you
readers stopping by, and we wish more would join you,
but then again, we have no idea who you site. We the
curious editor's note wonders if you site reading this in
your cell? Are you reading this note in the rec room,
or wte you fortunate enough to be reading this from
the internet and the comforts of home or at the office?
Are you sin old school Beat reader, or brand span kin'
new to this Beat world? if you have a moment drop us
a note via snail mail or email and let us Icnovif you are
out there, we'd love to hear from you. We'd also love for
you to write this editor's note too. So come at us with
700 to 1000 words of insight that can be embraced by
all. Tell us it's a future editorial note and we'll feature
you in skn upcoming issue on this page! Yes indeed, we'll
give you this soapbox to stand on too. You wonder
why we wte doing this, well, because the editor's note is
getting harder and harder to write each week. We site
finding ourselves short on time each week, so if you
want to help us out in a big time way, get busy writing
Sin editor's note! if we receive a few, then we'll get you
all in each week, one issue and written piece at a time.

Well it's 2008, can you believe it? Yeah, we wte
kicking off the second issue of our thirteenth %esk%on
as a weekly. Wild! We hope you enjoy this latest read
too. it's what we veteran readers and editors have come
to expect, hard-hitting in your face writing from the
inside, from predominantly juvenile halls around the San
Francisco Bay Area, as well as awesome writings from
our good friends in Bernalillo County in the great state
of New Mexico. Plus, we have a host of contributions
in The BWO (Beat Without), contributions from all over
the United States of America!! We suppose you can call
us a national publication eager to really breakout.

it's hard to imagine how many young and old people
we have touched over the years, it's hard to imagine the
number of young people who have participated in our
weekly workshops, it's uncountable now to guess how
many letters we have received over the years. And to
think of how many of you wrote deep pieces, pieces that
blew our minds, touched our hearts and made us cry, to
pieces unprintable, to pure nortsertse, to pieces right on
the edge, where we would stew in our thoughts if we
should print this or not. The criteria; is this a piece we
would stand behind and put the program in possible
jeopardy over?

it's uncountable right not to guesstimate how
many of you have been published? We wish we could
present accurate numbers, but one day we'll come up
with an approximate number or close to it, for the hell
of it. Today, we have an amazing library of Beats, and
a number of them are easily accessible through our
website too! it's a shame we were ripped off a few years
back, and what was stolen was The Beat's hard-drive,
with years of Beats, that we never copied, figuring that
we wouldn't get our equipment ripped off.

Still, we have so much writing and art that is
showcased for all one week, and forever gone the next,
unless we bring old Beats to a speaking engagement, or
you collectors share with the next friend or stranger. As
the saying goes, another week another Beat, and that's
been our motto since day one.

This is the year, we hope to find a publisher who is

interested in The Beat book. We want to put out, not
simple a best of, but a retrospective of our work over
the years. The exciting thing to share with you few
is that the project is in it's initial stages, and we have
a colleague combing through The Beats of yesterday,
helping us find the right pieces for our book. We also
have a well known graphic designer who is designing
our book, and is doing so from the kindness of her
heart. We know this project is immense, we also know
how exciting it is going to be to create such a project
that will probably touch more lives than we could ever
imagine, it's an exciting time, it 's also a busy time with
so much work to do. We suppose we are fortunate that
we have such a job that is as relentless as this, but,
vifho vifould have ever imagine vife'd be doing this vifork
with such a small staff? We think back to the glory days
vifhen yve yvere rich vifith Beat colleagues, novif look at
us, or should we say, look at our masthead. You better
believe we'll share more with you editorial note readers
in the coming weeks when the mission becomes a bit
more clearer to us all.

All right, our time is almost up, so lets get busy with
sharing the topics with you all. By the way, if you are
moved by the topics you read here and want to write
on them, please do so! Ok, our first topic is, the very
popular, "What Makes You Smile?" - No matter where
you're at, or who you're with, or what your doing there
is always room for a smile. Tell us about that someone
who makes you smile? Tell us about something you
have done that makes you smile. Does smiling make
you feel better? When? What have you done to make
other people smile? Or, what about when you have you
smiled at the wrong time? Good or bad, smiles can be
contagious, from someone who smiles at you and you
smile back, to when you hear a favorite old song on the
radio, to smiling when there is nothing to smile about?
Let us know in detail what puts a smile on your face. Or
tell us of a time you smiled when it was all bad.

Our second topic, 'The anti-drug" - We often read
in The Beat Within hovif many of you love to drink and
smoke and how you can't wait to get out and do it all
over again. This week we want to read from you about
what healthy addictions you have that actually make
you feel good. Tell us what you enjoy doing that isn't
dangerous to your health or well-being, is it getting
on the computer? is it reading/vifriting? Dancing?
Collecting CDs? Being a rapper? Watching TV? Going to
movies? Tell us about you outside of the drug and
alcohol culture that has already clouded your future.
We know there's more to you than that, so break down
your dreams, loves and how these healthy addictions
have become a part of you.

Last topic, "Food Critic" - Food plays such an
important part in our lives. We know many of you are
missing your favorite foods, so this week we want to
hear about the foods that have a place in your stomach,
if you could have any food right novif vifhat vifould you
eat? When you get out of jail, what restaurant is a
must and what will you order? What food(s) needs to
be included on the juvenile hall menu? Tell us the
importance of food. Tell us what restaurants we need to
go to in your neighborhood to get the best Chinese, best
Mexican, best Indian, best Italian, and best American.
Tell us what you like to cook. What about mama's home
cooking? This is our food topic, so get busy making us
readers hungry!

With that said, readers, it's time to go, so we'll
leave you with our good thoughts, shoot we all need
someone to send us a good vibe, so this one goes out
to you amazing writers who we are featuring in this
week's Beat. Don't forget to drop us a line and let us
know you're out there! With respect...

mam ffff/rr/frs

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THe BeStt Within, a weekly newsletter of writing am
incarcerated youth, is published by Pacific News Service.

At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor i
sexual remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enou
our commuities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Bea
promote peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one another.

1 He Beat Wittim publisHes ttie opmions and views expressed by ttie participants
in our workshops. This is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you
read do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights
are reserved. Nothing from this publication can be reproduced without our writ-

To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words have
consequences, and could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate your
feelings and viewpoints without running the risk of providing ammunition for
those who might use your words against you.

Co-founders: Sandy Close and David Inocencio

Senior Editors: David Inocencio

Assistant Editors: Michael Kroll, Will Roy

Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pau

Staff: Pauline Craig, Jill Wolfson, Allan Tinker, Patricia Johnson, Amanda
Abies, Omar Turcios, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Jennifer Clarke, Brit-
tany Bernard, Perry Jones, Tal Ariel, Margo Ariel Brockman, BrendaNavaro-
Duante, Elizabeth Crawford, Morghan Velez Young, Siliva Mortenson, and
Neela Baneriee.

The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department
Beat Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C.,
Lisa Karczewski, M.A. The detention staff are: Tammie Utter, Shannon Lech-
ner, D. Scott Herrmann, Ph.D. Clinical Director.

Bernalillio County, New Mexico "The Land of Enchantment" Juvenile
Probation Department Beat Staff: Steve Serna

Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week.

Spiritual Advisor: Jack Jacqua

Special Volunteer: Nancy DeMartini

Book Donor: Marisela Norte

Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous sup-
port of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs
- California Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund,
Community Foundation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation
of California, Compton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foun-
dation, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foun-
dation, Marguerite Casey Foundation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris
Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cummings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children
and Youth, Open Society Institute, Peninsula Community Foundation, Phil-
anthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cowell Foundation, San Francisco Arts
Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clement
and Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation,
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben
Sels/Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public Foundation, Wallace Alexan-
der Gerbode Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth Justice Funding
Collaborative, the Zellerbach Family Fund and individual donors.

Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francis-
co, Maricopa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio
County New Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have
any questions or comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to
become a subscriber, contact us at: 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415)
503-4170 or check us out at:

www.thebeatwithin.org

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Was It Worth It?

Hell no it wasn't worth it.

Fm in this unit waking up in this cell that keeps me

confined all day long.

In this jail that forbids me to touch, play and laugh with

my daughter.
In these draws that half of the youth in this county have

worn.
Listening to these staff that don't think a thought about

me when their shift is over.

This food. This god dang food, where do they even get it?

My mom. I can't even hug, kiss, talk to my mom

whenever I want!

My baby's mom, she's crying every night 'cause I decided

to have some punk ass fun

in a stolen Camary for a few hours,

so now I can' hold her when she's had a bad day and let

her know it's OK.

My lil' brothers are out there laughing at me dumb and

nor taking serious no more.

I hate this jail.

I'm gonna miss out on so much while I'm in here.

X-mas, Valentines day and my own birthday. My 18th

birthday!
You only get one of those in your life and I'm spending

mine in a jail cell.

I miss my daughter so much and her momma so much

and my momma so much,

my brothers, I miss them so much, my own food, my

own draws.

My freedom I miss it so much.

When I think about what I did and my consequences for

it, was it worth it, hell naw.

-Phat Boi, Santa Clara

From The Beat: So then, what to do right? What does it taice to spend
the next birthday and all future birthdays (of yours and your loved
ones) free? That's the million dollar question, right?

Human life is like

forced army service,

like a life of hard work,

like a homeless man

longing for place to sleep,

like a worker waiting to be paid.

Month after month,

I have nothing to live for.

Night after night

brings me grief.

When I lie down to sleep,

the hours drag,

I toss all-night and long for dawn.

My body is full of worms,

it is covered with sores.

My days pass by

without hope,

pass faster then a second.

Remember: my life

is only a breath,

my happiness already ended

You see me now

but never again.

If you look for me

I will be gone

- Nagra, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Nagra, we miss you and are sad that we didn't get to
hear more of your story. This enigmatic poem shows that you have lots
to say. Beautiful writing.

Smiles

There are many things that make me smile in my life.

I love waking up in the morning at home,

opening the blinds, and the sun coming through the

window.

I enjoy peaceful mornings with people I care about.

That's what makes me smile.

I also like the feeling of going to school and working and

knowing my life is a truth.

That thought puts a smile on my face.

Personally, the older I get, I notice that the simpler

things make me smile.

I don't need a million things to put a smile on my face.

I wake up every morning smiling because I know I am

great, and cared about,

and I'm doing my hardest to become a good person,

-Rosita, Santa Clara

From The Beat: T^y your hardest and it will happen. And it sounds like
you have your priorities straight. But of course, intentions must be
followed by actions. We wish you the best.

No More Chances

Well, today I would like to share with you young readers
about this experience that I'm presently going through. On
August 30, 2007, I got arrested and charged with assault
with a deadly weapon on a peace officer, three hit and
runs, one possession of stolen property, reckless driving,
reckless endangerment, and being under the influence of
a controlled substance. These charges all happened in
less than an hour.

And while I was incarcerated, I got three more stolen
vehicle charges. Now, I am facing adult court at 17, and
on my 18th birthday, they are shipping me off to county.

I just wanted to say to all those young kids that get
second and third chances to get out and rehabilitate
yourselves, I envy you because my adult life is just going
to begin and already it's messed up. I see all these kids
get released and come right back. I've only been in trouble
one other time. They ain't giving me no chances. So, do
right by your chance - don't take advantage of it.

- Lir Sapita, Santa Clara

From The Beat: So, after all this time we finally get the full story!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom and giving good advice to all those
bouncing in and out of here. Second chances are not to be taken lightly
- you seemed to have learned this well.

Revolvlflo Door

My life is like a revolving door, always coming in and
going out of jail. I put on my mask to go out and rob,
knowing it's wrong - but the drug takes over.

People look into my eyes. They see a kid crying for
help.

My hate for my dad has stained my life. I need to let
it go. I need to give him another chance. Every morning I
look into the mirror, hating what I've become. I've made
so many mistakes. People are already thinking my life is
wasted, that I'm headed for state prison. But my head is
still up. I need someone to guide me through these gates.
I need to start my life over.

-Kevin, Santa Cruz

From The Beat: Nobody gets to do that. We do get the next best thing,
sometimes. We get a chance to stop doing the things that messed us up.
So, we can restart our lives by stopping the bad behavior. Sounds like
drugs play a role in your bad behavior. That means having the courage
to get help with your drug problem. That's probably just one of several
things you need to do. So, Kevin, make a list. Identify what you need
to fix. Make another list of possible ways to fix those problems. Expect
that it will take a lot of determination and hard work. But bit by bit you
will build faith in yourself. And you will change your life.

/////

Sometirme

Hook:

Sometime I feel like my mamma don't love me

Sometime I feel like my family won't look at me anymore

Sometime I feel like God can't hear me

Sometime I feel like the devil won't leave me alone

Verse 1:

Sometime I feel like I'm trapped inside a lil' box

Like my body can't swim

Drowning down the ocean water

I'm ended up in a dream

I can't escape

Sometime I feel like I'm drifting away

When I'm running away

I feel disappointed at life

Like I keep on gettin' the same number on the dice

When my mom came at me wrong

I feel disrespected

'Cause like I'm the enemy

When I'm the one that's protecting her

When I look at my family

Dead in the eye

I realize and see anger and pain inside

But seeing that anger makes me mad

So I try to pray and hope God hear my prayer

Then

(2xs) I be trippin'

I didn't know I be trippin'

I got a lot of cases and I be slippin'

Hooks:

Verse 2:

Sometime I feel like crying

I ain't ashamed to say it

I got As and Bs on my transcript

Thank God I made it
Sometime I reel like bein' alone

That's one of the reasons I'm not home

Because every time I leave

Police come looking for me

I almost died once

But got a second chance

So I pray every day

That I'm thankful to be on this land

I believe in God

Yep, on the real, dude

People look at me crazy

So I say

"What that got to do with you?"

I remember those days

When I didn't like to fight

But who does like to fight?

Nowadays fighting tight

I'm not trying to be soft

But if I am

What you gon' do?

'Cause I then seen and been through

Way more den you

I know about livin' on your own

I was thirteen

When I started

I know about bein' alone

Even more den you

I know about bein' alone

Even in your home

It's violence

I sometime wish I could start over

I'm gon' make it better

So the drama is folded

-Lil' Obei

From The Beat: Beautiful, sad song/poem. It can be really shocking and
scary when you realize that your mother sometimes doesn't love you
unconditionally, like you may have been used to or maybe you think she
should. To realize that she has a life of her own, regardless of you. Since
your mother, as you write, came at you wrong, maybe she misunderstood
your situation. Can you explain to her what really was going down? Is
there anywhere in your home where you can be all alone, so you won't
have to leave to get some privacy, safety, security? When the police come
to your home, is that on you? What are you doing that brings them to
your house?

Lots Makes Me Smile

A lot of things make me smile; my family, my homeboys
who are like my family, my dog, people with compassion
and love make me smile, people who smile make me smile!
Then again, what I really need to learn is to teach myself
to smile. I need to transform my thoughts into thoughts of
love and happiness. Because isn't it true that being happy is
healthy?

Thoughts are so powerful. Thoughts lead you everywhere,
they can lead you into being a teacher, a leader, the president,
a pupil, a killer, a lover, a pedophile, or into death.

It can lead you to many things. But I'm getting off topic.

I need to transform all my negative thoughts into positive

ones to make me smile. What's the point of having negative

thoughts? Negative thoughts make your live a miserable life.

You choose how to live life. I heard someone say before that

you shouldn't be scared of death but to be scared of how you

live your life. So I might as well learn how to smile. Plus, I

want to make people smile because smiles are contagious,

right?

-Viet Tiger, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Yeah you're right! No matter how bad your situation is,
there's always something to smile about. No matter what hole you're in,
it's up to you to crawl out of it, and learn a lesson from your experience.
You do need to smile! Why waste your time being mad or trying to look
hard. You gotta start thinking positive and act positive 'cause only you
can do that. It's up to you if you wanna smile or cry about it. With that
said, we think we know which route you're taking.

/////

It's Hard

I was reading my Bible I tell me how to live

That's hard to do when kids killing kids

I'm sorry for the mommas that cried

I keep so much pain inside

But never do I start to cry

It felt like my heart dropped when I heard Kev and Jesse

Died

They was close friends to me but other people

See it as another homicide

I'm glad I'm in here if I was out I would be down to ride

But they say everything happens for a reason

We don't have summer in Oakland you should call it

Murder season

I just look at the trees and wish I could fly away

And if I got a chance to talk to Jesse and Kev I would say

"Y'all angels now I miss y'all so much"

I remember we use to act like we couldn't be touched

I know the people probably laugh at me

I don't know one person in the inside that's sad like me

I'm experimenting so you may flnd me

Where the lab might be

Jessie and Kev just know that I love you

Lil' Rob I know you up there too.

-Young Mari, Alameda

From The Beat: It's hard. Life is very hard, especially when so many of
your peers are dying. Why are kids killing kids? What makes people
think they have a right to take someone's life? Is there any way that you
can think of to decrease the violence in your communities? We need to
educate the youngstas. Kids killing kids don't sound right.

Smiling My Anti-Drug

I used to have a bad temper
Sold drugs, hurt people, an ex-gang member

I didn't listen to anything or anybody
I knew the things I was doing were wrong but

Nobody could stop me
I did things for no reason, out of anger, or to

Just prove a point

Now I realize why I'm looking at so much time

In the joint

Things have changed now, I've changed

And people started to notice

That's what makes me smile

I didn't think I could do it

But I knew I had to be patient, it would take a lil' while

Now

Instead of anger and bad choices, I have the power

Of a million voices

I get pats on the back and now a lot of support

Negativity was my obsession but change is my new sport

I smile

Because I changed, I smile because I'm doing

Things I thought I couldn't do, I smile because

My dream has finally come true

I came a long way

From negative things since I was a child.

All I accomplished, I'm in jail

But all is good in my life

So I really have no choice but to smile.

- Reggie, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: You said, "change is my new sport" and we applaud
you for that. We hope that you remain in that positive state of mind
because doors will open for you. We look forward to your writing.

Reality

Sometimes I just wonder what life would be like,

if I allowed the rules. 'Cause now I got two strikes,

seventeen-years-old, most of my friends are dead, doing

time or the drugs got to they head

Everything happens for a reason, that's what I was told

Play ya' cards right, you'll grow up to be old

My ways of life were cold, posting up on the blocks

Smoking Newports, hand on my glock

Just waiting and waiting the violence don't stop

Tryna get some money fast and stay away from cops

But now I think about the deaths, robberies and auto

thefts

All for what? Be alone hittin' sets

In a little ass room, I'd rather be having sex

Going to school and come through wit' a Lex'

But it's a lighter in the rain

Tryna run but I'm chained

Stuck in this life or what we call the game

When you rollin' them dice the result comes the same

It's another thing I was told

But my head was hard

Riding on the boulevard

Got pulled over found thangs in the car

I never learned my lesson

Playing wit my Smith and Wesson,

Now I'm stuck in max mad and hella stressing.

But that's reality for you....

-Angelo, Alameda

From The Beat: To take your own excellent line about the lighter in
the rain. It's not enough to light the lighter, right, you need to find
that corner outside the rain, and then you've got to have better fuel
- sticks, books, paper, something that the lighter can catch up to,
something stronger than the rain. You're in a shelter right now, thought
it doesn't feel like one... and you need to figure out: What's my fuel?
Is it knowledge? Is it education? Is it my own will? Is it the desire to
live on and tell the world all the things my loved ones and I have been
through? You could become a fire that makes this world take notice.
But, yeah, one little lighter won't do it.

It's My Feelinos

It's rage in my heart, and this ninja acting hard
Do I turn around and walk or do I let my gun spark

If I don't deal with him now I might be labeled as a mark
But if I take his life now, it'll just raise the murder chart

He already said he don't fight no more
And if he get to that banger, my life I won't have no more

It's witness all around so if I kill him I'm going down
But if I let this ninja live then fa' sho' I lose my crown

Everybody and they momma wanna prove they get down

Everybody wants to go dumb and dance like a retard

Being a killer is easy but getting an education is what's

really hard.

Who ever will shoot but fight to me is a straight up mark

How can you be a sucka just because you show that you

are smart?

I'm convinced that I'm gonna make it to the highly

educated chart

I changed my life around but you best believe I still got

heart.

-Anthony, Alameda

From The Beat: As you show in this poem, it's so crazy out there, that
the thing needing the most heart is showing that courage to walk away
And great job breaking down the stress of a street confrontation., s.
damned if you do/damned if you don't situation, that leads to death
or incarceration/or your name sounded off in on a local TV station, we
hope you walk out and get that education/because people like you are
what could save the nation.

/EZ=2

What Makes Me Smile

Hey Beat, what's good? I'm just here sittin' up in unit
2 chillin', writin' about what makes me smile. I've been
in and out of juvenile hall, and no matter what, I gots to
smile. I don't know what it is. I guess I'm just a humorous
person.

I'm a peaceful person, I ain't gonna lie. People get me
mad, but then I take a deep breath, relax and think about
all the things in life that make me happy, and I have no
choice but to smile.

What makes me smile the most is my family because
without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

-GQ, San Francisco

From The Beat: You have such a bright outlook, does it help you when
you're iociced up? We hope you can figure out a way to stay out of here
so that everybody can appreciate your smile!

It's Sad

When I was out, I was hot

They found Tuma dead in her car in Albertson's parking lot

And she still had the needle in her arm

This image alone had me torn and scorned

My favorite cousin had to die like that

At the funeral I didn't mean to cry like that

And rob why didn't you just give it up

It wasn't worth all this stuff

Your daughters and yo' baby mamas miss you

Dad broke down at the funeral he hugged and he kissed you

And Kev why did you have to open the door

When he didn't say nothing you shoulda knew he was there

to even the score

Dab I miss you for real

So I'ma tell you just how I feel

Why did you try to stunt like that

Why did you hang out the window it wasn't suppose to go

like that

Fell out the scraper head first and it's sad to say

They kept going going and left you on the freeway

And Mike why didn't you come in the house

They shot you four times in the back

All over who sells the most crack

Hodari why did it have to happen like this

Don't worry bout that problem it's fixed

Just to tell you we was banged up at the funeral

In case anything looked unusual

Ketta Bo she cried it broke her heart man

Yo' son look just like you

I remember when it was going down

I didn't feel safe you said my ninja its gone be okay

And uncle B I know you mad as hell

You did 25 years and then 15 more and you still in jail

From 17 all the way to 53

I respect that Uncle B you a gee

And Irma Dean granny know that I love you

You got off that crack

Cause my Grandpa Roger stress you my lil' brother

He getting older

You know my momma been crazy and she raised some

soldiers

I'ma let this street life go cause I'm getting older

Lil' Rob the Third, this stuff is crazy, your daddy in jail

They think he killed you his only little baby,

G went to Oregon and yo' grandpa went crazy.

-Young Mari, Alameda
From The Beat: Sometimes people don't know man. They could've done
this they should've done that, but in the end shhh happens. Fate works
in mysterious ways. But death is a part of life. We have to learn to live

have to stay strong for those who have passed and live a beautiful life
for them. Honor them in that way, like you start to do at the end of
this poem.

Nobody Cao Replace My Modi

Have you ever had everything you wanted, but inside
your heart you feel empty? That's how I felt about group
home.

I miss the love coming from my mom. I had everything
such as clothes and shelter but I felt that group home
wasn't for me. I missed the touch from my mom. She was
caring for me.

The staff couldn't give that to me. Their job was to
watch us. And then they go home. So I was not really
close to the staff. Half the time, some don't even care.
Some just worry about getting paid. From then on, I knew
that the system wasn't fair.

One time at a group home, we had to vote just so we
can go to the library. I was disappointed 'cause I didn't
want to. I was pissed 'cause I was tired of being bored at
the ranch.

I miss my freedom. At group homes they limit your
freedom. That's why my heart felt empty. I miss my mom
taking me on outings. Such as taking me to a park or just
hanging out with each other. She was always making me
smile. And nobody can replace my mom.

-Carlito, Alameda

From The Beat: Thank you for sharing your reflections on your group
home experience with The Beat. Your piece gave us lots to think about,
it's true that group homes can't replace true love and caring, and they
aren't always fair 1 00% of the time either, even though there are a lot
of dedicated staff that try to make it a fair and respectful environment.
If you were in charge of running a group home, what changes would you
make? We wish the best for you and your lovely mom.

at a group home, we
had to votejustso we
catt go to tke llhrarif

Three walls

One door with one clear window

Me on the inside

Time and opportunity on the outside

Two things that the hall you

Get a lot of or not to many of

All the money in the world couldn't

Buy back the time that's past me by

In the hall. All the good shhh done

In my life couldn't earn back

The opportunity wasted.

The only light that shines is

Comin' through that window.

So for the time being let that sun shine

...as bright as possible.

So I can hope

-Marcus, Alameda

From The Beat: The light in this poem comes from you, from the part of
you that refuses to give up on hope, or let himself get swallowed by the
darkness. If you keep that light shining, you will see that you have the
strength to make your hopes come true!

H

/////

Dear Beat

What's up Beat? This will be my last time writing in The
Beat Within because I get out of here the day after tomorrow
(Thursday). I am going to ROP (Rites Of Passage) in Nevada.
I hear it is a very hard and difficult program but I think I
can do it. I have to be there 9-18 months, depending on my
behavior is when I get out. So when I get there I'm going to
give more effort than needed, and start of my first day on
a good note, and my last day will be good and so will all of
those in between.

The courts tell me that if I do not graduate from this
program, I go to CYA. This is why I will try my hardest to
put out effort, follow directions, and be respectful to all
those around me. I don't have time to gang bang in my life,
which is why I stopped, and I've already started getting my
tattoo' removed, because gangbanging has destroyed my
life since day one.

I started when I was a young teen, I'm now fifteen
turning sixteen in February. I've been to jail five times and
now I have my very last chance at life, and I'm going to take
advantage of this chance because I do not want to go to
CYA.

Just so The Beat knows, I will be writing Dave when I
get there to let him know how my life turns out. I've spent
these last five months in jail talking to Dave and I'm writing

in a lot of Beat Withins. Dave has giving me the address
to The Beat Within and tells me that I can receive articles
at home, and I will look forward to reading the Beats.

I don't know how often I will be writing The Beat,
because I will have a lot of things to take care of and I
have over 20 different people to write and I don't think I
will be writing The Beat once I get out of ROP because I
will be doing my own thing and won't really be thinking of
The Beat. But I do appreciate all The Beat Within staff and
volunteers for taking time out of their day to come to jail
and type the whole Beat Within for free.

At least you (The Beat Within) know that at least one
person appreciates every thing you guys have done. But I
will be trying my very hardest to do right in life, and I am
willing to do whatever it takes to make my life better. The
next time The Beat Within hears from me or Beat readers,
will be about two months from now. So just know that I am
trying my hardest to become successful in life and I will
not be giving up. Stay safe and stay strong.

-Convict, Alameda

From The Beat: We appreciate all the comments you made about The Beat
Within, and your incredible loyalty to yourself during these last months.
We sure hope this continues at ROP and that you will keep your word and
keep us posted when you can. This is why we do this kind of work so we
can help young people, like yourself realize what they really want to do in
life and that there is more to life than the lifestyle that brings you to jail.
We appreciate your feedback, it really lets us know that we're touching
lives. We wish you luck on your quest to get your life straight and look
forward to hearing from you.

/Ve alreadif started getting mi/ tattoo * removed, hecaMse
gang hanging has destrot/ed ml/ life since da if one, H

Z^^^TS

// ' ////// ' // ' /// ' ff^mm

Cat Chase Mouse

Never Felt So Alooe

Sometimes Fm not myself, I can be another person

Get it the first time without rehearsing

I think about my life I know I made mistakes

There's nobody in this world that can take my place

Fm a dog but I don't see black and white

I see green because I'm about the almighty dollar

That's why when you got money you got friends

When you broke you ain't got nothing

Your so-called friends won't ever let you hit the Tussin'

If money could bring people back I would cash out

Don't throw sticks and stones cause I live in a glass

house

This life in the streets is like cat chase mouse

The police are the cats and we are the mouse

We run hide jump for cover when the cat come

Except these cats got batons and guns

And two cans of mace

That's why when the cat sees us we high speed chase

These words I don't say them for nothing

Its a lot of nothings in the world I'm gone be something.

-Young Mari, Alameda

From The Beat: Excellent writing! Good description on how the Cat and
mouse relate to you and your experiences with the police. Why do you
think all your experiences with the police could be related to a game of
cat and mouse? Do you provoke the chase at all? Why do you feel like
they always wanna chase you? Are you doing anything that'll make the
police yn^nn^ chase you? Think about it. You can be a smart mouse. Why
do you ^NSknnsk keep playing this game of cat and mouse from the police?
You're never gonna win.

ff

It was just yesterday we was layin' in each others arms

Just the otha day I felt no harm

Now I'm sittin' in this room so alone

Wit' you not

Being here, I'm all on my own,

I miss you so much I can't wait till I come home

And when I do I'm getting my grown man on

Something that I can't do wrong

But I miss her so much I mean real tough

Feel like shhh I wanna do for her ain't gone be enough

So I'm sitting here thinking about what's what

Going bad on staff 'cause they don't give a ...

Coming back here feel like I got shot in the gut

Then that would be my luck

I'm still a sitting duck

And she ain't just my new girl

I feel like she could be my whole world

Bra' I think I love this girl now I'm stressing ova

;he got a smile on her face day in day out

She did when I'm round

But who knows now that I'm on lockdown

All I want is to lay in her lap now

Happy Birthday to my liF Riah Baby.

-Lil' Solid, Alameda

From The Beat: This just kind of fits with what we wrote on your last
piece. You have a heart that was made to do right, it goes against you
to do wrong. We hope you think on that during this time that you now
have to think.

h

i^i^r^

7 nn

Prisoner

\

These doors won't open up to let me go.

I wish my time would flow away, like a river.

My name here is like a shadow that won't vanish.

Rumors won't hurt me.

I put up with them like putting on a mask.

When I look at my reflection in the mirror

I see stains in my eyes.

I am so impatient to become a prisoner of freedom.

- Buddha, Santa Cruz

From The Beat: "a prisoner of freedom" - that's a well-turned phrase
Mr. Buddha. You have given yourself a name with a great history. That
fellow they call Buddha was a very smart guy. He knew what makes
u% tick. He knew what makes u% suffer. He said that everyone who has
ever been alive has had to suffer, but that there are ways to learn to
suffer less and be happier more. He was so smart about life that some
people imagined he was a god. He said they were wrong. He said that
he was simply "awake". And by being awake, he meant that he paid
careful attention to what was going on. And that, pretty much, was
what allowed him to understand human nature so well. That sounds
like pretty good advice to u%. Stay awake. Pay attention. Think before
you act.

So Much Makes Me Smile

Let's see what makes me smile...

One thing that makes me smile is when I'm free

I smile when I'm around my family and loved ones

I smile every time I see or hear something funny

I smile sometimes when I try to hide my anger

I smile sometimes when I tiy to hide my fear

I smile sometimes when is see someone get hurt

I smile sometimes when I see a woman give birth to a

child

I smile when I'm in court when there's nothing funny

I smile when I see money coming into my hands

I smile ever time I buy a car off the lot

I smile every time I buy one of my ladies something

I smile when I do something good for the community

I smile when I break the law

I smile just to smile

I smile at the female counselors

I smile when I reach Step 4

But last but not least, I will smile the biggest smile

When I get released from these locked doors

-G, San Francisco

From The Beat: We want to thank you for taking this question seriously
and writing more than the uzuskX two sentences about how family makes
you smile. You've given u% a wonderful list of things that make you
smile, though we have to wonder why seeing someone getting hurt
would make you smile... if we were to ask what makes you cry, what
would your list look like?

The Anti-Druo

For five years I was addicted to cocaine

It made me go insane

No one understood my pain

I hated everyone

I was always on the run

I finally quit when I found out I was pregnant with my

son

Now I'm drug-free

And I have never felt so happy

I've been through a lot of crap

And I never thought I would quit

And now that I know what to do

I'm going to start my life all new

-Kimberly, Land Of Enchantment

From The Beat: What got you in here if you quit cocaine? Whatever it
is, you need to quit that too. Happiness is one of the best anti-drugs.
Now that you know what it's like, don't turn back from the new life you
have to start.

^

5

i

Fears?

\

To tell you the truth I'm not really afraid of anything or
anybody. At this point of my life I just man up. When I
was a lil' mijo, I used to always listen to the advice adults
try to give me. Like man don't cry and if somebody hit
you , hit 'em back. I think fear doesn't make you a weak
person.

Say for example you in the pen and you scared of
somebody, you just go gather up all the fear and anger
and beat that person up. Like this one time I was in the
East with my potna, just walking down the street. Then
out of nowhere five big ass enemies walk up to us. I guess
they tried to check up or whatever.

Then they raised up my potna Estebon's shirt and
seen a black belt. You know how people wear black belts
if they don't bang. But they assumed that we were. From
that point I knew we was going to have to do something.
The next thing I took off on one of them. I guess the fear
I had, was no longer a factor. Then everybody started
fighting.

After about five minutes I heard sirens coming closer
and closer. So me and my potna got up out of here. I ain't
gone lie I left with a lump on my eyes and a busted nose.
But it was worth it. They had left with bruises too.

So next time I'm in that situation I'm just going to
make one phone call to the homies. It ain't no time to be
afraid in life, you just have to go hard.

-Lir Marcus, Alameda

From The Beat: it sounds like you iweren't even looking for trouble, it
just found you. This is what happens when you grow up in the streets
- but our next question for you is this. You have a plan for the "Next
time" you end up in a similar situation. But can you also control how
often that happens? Are there certain times of day, certain frames of
mind that are more dangerous than others? Because the less times it
happens, the more likely you can stay on track and focus on what you
need to be a success in this life.

Candy Girl

Wow watch out now.

It's the little on no I'm not bow-wow,

I'm that candy girl.

That bamma twirl

Sweet like cinnamon.

With a candy swirl,

I like sugar and spice,

I flow so nice.

Colorful ice like rainbow right?

Sweet like a lifesaver.

Go more flavor than a pack of Now Or Laters

Fifteen years old the baby diva.

And the kids at school calling mw the baby trina.

Step on the bat make your flngers smack.

And do the peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat.

Taste like gummy bears.

Skittles and Kit-Kats,

I'm the young girl rapping this thing with that.

Got more flavors than starburst,

I keep my penny candy in my product purse.

If I get a little sassy, pardon me y'all.

Me you will be play in with dolls,

I'm that good, good girl.

Candy girl, baby doll diva. With the baby doll swirl

If you ain't here to party.

We're not having that.

So don't get catch in a cabbage patch.

-Da Baddest, Alameda

From The Beat: Your words rhyme, in time, they sparkle and shine/ Like
silver polish on a bright new dime/We hope you get away from these
jailhouse bars/To shout your flow up to the stars/Why waste your time
singing out the system/When you could be on the streets makin' 'em
listen?

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

\

What Briohtens Up My Day

One of the few things in my life that makes me smile
from the inside is my family members. They have been
around all my life and they know how to make me smile
and laugh. I love them so much that it puts a smile on my
face when I see or think about them.

My females in my life make me smile too, because
they can do the things to me and for me that everyone
else can't. When I get a lot of money and when I spend
a lot of money I'm happy because I just get this stunna
feeling inside.

I make jokes often to brighten up everybody's day.
I give a lot of things to people to help them out when
they're doin' bad, because I would want somebody to
show me the same love if I was like that.

I also smile when I think of all the fun times I had in
the past with my loved ones, especially the ones who ain't
here anymore. RIP Vice Versa and Nae Nae, because most
of the time that's the one guaranteed thing to make me
feel better when I'm out of it.

- Lil' Markie-bo, Alameda

From The Beat: This is some powerful writing. You have so many people
who care about you, and you appreciate it. Better yet, it's cool that you
like to brighten up everyone else's day and you treat people the way you
would want to be treated. We bet reading this piece brightens up a few
people's days sk% well!

Reflection

What's up Beat? This is yo' boy Repo back up in this
hellhole.

I can't believe this shhh. I just left two months ago
to a placement, after being here for months. I've missed
so much stuff: The whole summer, my birthday, and now
I am gonna miss Christmas and the third New years in a
row, all because I ran from a stupid placement.

But I made it worse; I got caught in another case of
a high-speed chase. Now I just gotta sit here and for the
judge to say he's sending me to CYA because of my last
case.

But maybe it's for the best for me in the future. That's
all I'm looking for now, screw all this lil' kid stuff, always
running from the cops, drugs, hitting licks. It's over, it's
time for me to grow up and become a man for my family
and my girl and most of all for me. Well that's it wish me
the best late

-Repo, Alameda

From The Beat: You've been through it, and through it, and through
it - but we have confidence that you won't let yourself get caught up
again. We really admire how you ended your writing by stepping up to

family, but most importantly for yourself. Best of Luck Repo!

Why?

Why do people make decisions, when they know it

won't work?

Why do people do wrong, when there is always a right?

Why do husbands cheat, when they suffer to love their

wife?

They move to the hood and sell coke to survive in life.

That's like if you meet Beyonce, you'll forget about your

wife.

If there is no wrong, how can there be right?

If there is no bad, how can you live the good life?

-Cameron, Alameda

From The Beat: These are all powerful questions, and we spent some
time trying to come up with answers. The only thing we could think of
is that we believe there is such a thing sk% wrong— and such a thing sk%
bad... just the way you do, which means that inside, we always know
exactly what is the right thing to do, even though we don't always
follow our best instincts. Are you the same?

N:

Group Homes Suck

\

What up Beat, it's ya boy Lil' Mainey also known as
Dominic. Well I just wanted to write about my first group
home experience and why I ran.

I left ALACO Juvenile Hall August 8th; it took me
three hours to get there (group home). When I got there I
thought it was gonna be cool 'cause I'd have all my clothes
and I wouldn't be locked up.

Well first they stripped me of all my red and blue
clothes. So I only had three shorts, three shirts, two
pants, three boxers and three socks. Everything was cool
for the first two weeks. I kinda liked it, good food, and I
had a little fun. But I couldn't write nobody and I couldn't
call nobody, things started turning hellish. The kids stole
one of my shorts, both my pants, and one of my boxers.
Can you believe it? My boxers!

I asked the group home to reimburse me for what was
stolen. I waited for two months, in that time, the staff
started to get very disrespectful and one even threatened
me. I pretty much just got tired of cleaning everyday and
holding my tongue for so long. I was literally going crazy.
I couldn't take it anymore.

Not having anything, so I left. I came back to the
Bay. I couldn't find a job because the police were chasing
me everywhere for just a warrant. I got tired of running
everyday, so I left to Reno. I was out there for a week and
got a job detailing cars for $45 a car, two or three cars a
day. I was doing that for a week and I had a whole bunch
of clothes and shoes. I had stuff that I got on my own. I
was proud of myself. I wasn't out committing crimes like
I used to. I wanted to better myself.

I got arrested a couple of weeks later for my warrant.
They only stopped me because they thought I was
someone else. So now, I'm here waiting to go to camp.
It's a six-month program and I turn 18 in six months. I'll
be able to graduate or get my G.E.D. get on the basketball
team and I get a home passes. Hopefully my Mom lets me
come home. Well that's my experience for the past four or
five months or so. 'Till next time, love, peace & chicken
grease.

-Lil' Mainey, Alameda

From The Beat: Thanic you for sharing your experience with u%, from
the beginning! It must have been frustrating to try to do right with all
these stresses on you - but once this is all behind you, then you can
continue to graduate and get on the basicetbaii team and reconnect
with you Mom. We icnow you can do it.

A Step Closer to Maohood

Whats up. Beat Within? This week I found out where I'll
be going to and I don't agree with it, but I gotta deal with
it. I'll be goin' to a group home until I turn 18 possibly.
(Reminder: I'm only 16).

I was sentenced to do 18 to 24 months in a group
home, but I may get out in just a year or right under a
year if I'm doin' really good in the group home. I'm hoping
that I can get released from my group home early because
I plan to do good and I miss being home with my family.
That gives me determination to work hard so I can be
back with them. 18 to 24 months is a really long time,
but when you want to grow up and be a man like I do, you
gotta tough it out and do what's needed so you can be a
step closer to manhood.

-Harold, Alameda

From The Beat: You're wise to iooic at the big picture here. You're young
and have much to iooic forward to in life. When you're older, you will
probably look back and be glad that you did a good program and made
it through group home. You're right that this is sin important step on
your way to being a man. We wish you the best of luck. Keep your head
up and remember your dreams! Too many young people see being in a
group home ^% a dead end, but really, this can be a new start.

i^i^r^

7 nn

Why

Why do people keep goin' bad,

when they know it only gets worse?

Why do people in jail always wanna say they won the

fight?

Why do people choose money and drugs,

when they could 've had a family and a wife?

And what about the kids that needed a father in their

life?
When you need money bad enough, you can't tell wrong

from right.
Until you get some, do right in your life, call it God, call

it love,
then call your wife.

-Allen, Alameda

From The Beat: This poem kicks off with some of the mysteries of human
self-destruction and pain, but then it comes full circle around with a
reminder of everything that matters in this world, and how it all comes
back to love. Do you feel that you have taken this same journey in your
life, from confusion to hope?

What Makes Me Smile!

My family makes me smile when I go back in my mind
and think of all the good that my family has done for me.
All the love and affection that my family has gave to me
through the times when I needed them the most.

There is a vision that always comes to my head that
never fails to make me smile, no matter what part of the
day it is, no matter if Fm happy, no matter if Fm sad. When
I think of my son, my only son, it warms my heart. It can
bring me out of my saddest moments when I think of the
day that he was born.

The first day I held my newborn son in my hand. No
one can take that feeling away from me. Because to me,
it don't get no better than that. That day was the happiest
day of my life. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I
miss my boy.

-Michael, Alameda

From The Beat: Thanks for sharing this beautiful memory with The Beat!
What advice will you have for your son sk% he gets older, about staying
out of trouble and staying out of the system?

^\

i

Crickin' liol

\

What's good wit' tha Beat? Man, it's me, LiF Rob, still in
here. But chea, Fm going to let you know about crackin'
food. One food that be crackin' is lumpia. It is a Filipino-
style egg roll that has ground meat with minced onions
and minced garlic mixed. Then you fry them thangs up and
serve it with some hot and sour sauce and you official.

When I get out if dis place, I'm going to a authentic
Filipino spot called Kadok's. they got the most crackin'
lumpias there. But I might order a breakfast plate that
includes garlic fried rice, Filipino sausage called longanisa,
and eggs over easy with chopped up tomatoes.

A food that needs to be on the county menu is
lumpias because I think everyone would like it. In my
neighborhood, there is a place called New Star, and they
got the best Chinese food for cheap with reasonable
prices under six bucks.

One thing I like to cook is steak marinated with soy
sauce, minced garlic and pepper.

Well, Beat, that's what's crackin' to eat.

-Lir Rob, San Francisco

From The Beat: We really appreciate the fact that you wrote enough
to fill more than a page about lumpia and other favorite foods. Most
people just tell u% what their favorite food is, and end it there. But you
told us how to make it, why it^ good, what other foods you make, and
even where we can get the best and cheapest Chinese food. That's good
to know because after reading your piece, we're hungry!

Smile From New York

There is this one person who makes me smile,

she is one smile away

from any feeling she gives me to when, I'm mad, sad,

happy, hyper,

to any feeling that's in my boy.

But this girl is from the east, and with her half of the

smile and me from the west,

and my half we come together to make two sides united

with one homogenous smile.

Her accent makes me smile, her feelings make me smile,

her plus me equals a smile.

Her Queens love is a Royal smile.

-Amor de Ray, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Clever words to describe a lady from the other side of
the country. Your writing is also a clever way to describe a beautiful
smile. We look forward to more creative writings from you.

My Addictions

I'm addicted to fancy clothes

Bad girls that ain't 'ho'es

Rappers dat got sick flows

Tight cars sittin' on duce 4s

I'm also addicted to gettin' money

Comedians dat's funny

I'm not addicted to bein' bummy

'Cause people like them get found in the slump, B

I'm addicted to my family

Livin' my life happily

I'm mackin' dem, they ain't mackin' me

And I ain't never been t

I'm young, fly and flashy

Got white chicks dat flash me

I got handles I'll never crash, B

I ain't go lie, I cherish dat purple leaf

And dat strawberry Swisher Sweet

-Lil Dre, San Francisco

From The Beat: We appreciate this list of your addictions, but it raises
some questions in our minds. For example, if you're addicted to living
your life happily and to your family, why do you allow yourself (by
doing whatever it is you do) to be taken away from that happy life and
family? Who are the comedians you think are funny?

|]

ii

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

My Baby Brother

The thing that makes me smile,

Is not so much a thing but a person.

This person will make me smile from ear to ear.

This person can't write.

He can't even talk in sentences.

But he can always make me smile.

He picks me up when I am down.

He makes me glad when I am sad.

I don't know what I would do without him.

I love him with all my heart.

This person is my baby brother.

I never thought I could love someone so much,

When he's only one years old...

- Julia, Land Of Enchantment

From The Beat: It's a shame that you aren't able to be with your little
brother. He needs your presence and you chose a bad path. We hope
that time doesn't slip by and you're not able to see him grow. Instead
of thinking of yourself, think of your brother and what you need to do
to be with him. He'll love you for it.

My Best Friend

One thing that always makes me smile is my best

friend.

She is fun to be around and she is easy to talk to.

When I tell her a joke, she laughs. She is a person I can

rely on.

I remember the first time I met this wonderful girl.

We were both so young and innocent.

A friend's girlfriend introduced me to this special girl.

We started off as a hook-up, with kissing and phone

calls.

It got a little serious after a while, she became my girl.

I used to lie, cheat, and love to be with my boys.

Drinking and being with other hoes.

I had her in check, but then it changed.

Inside I felt weird and strange.

I started to care.

I started to love, had to choose between my hood and my

girl.

The days were better when I started to pay the attention

she deserved.

The months felt like seconds.

Then my lies were put through the test of time.

My actions were not good.

I could not stand to see her cry.

So I made a choice, screw the hood and my boys!

-Javier, Land Of Enchantment

From The Beat: We're glad you realized what's important and hope you
always stand by that decision. You'll be tempted in many ways but it
takes a real man to stand by his word.

Making My Mom Smile By Going To Sciiooi

What makes me smile is when I see my mom every day
when she comes to see me in jail. What also makes me
smile is when I get to see my girl and kick it with her or
with lir Bra and lil' Sis.

When I get out, I'm going back to school and get my
education because I know I've been missing a lot of it.
So I'm going to go back and I'm going to get a job to keep
me busy, so I won't think of doing nothing hot, so I won't
come back here. And I'm going to need some money for
Christmas. My Sis had a baby, so I know she needs some
help gettin' clothes, diapers milk, etc...

-Jabari , San Francisco

From The Beat: You are so luclcy to have a supportive mom. We know
that if you keep your promise of getting your education (even when it's
hard, even when \V% boring), you will give your mom lots of reasons to
smile. The best Christmas present you can give your mom, your sis, her
baby and yourself is yourself.

FF

ff

- 1—

Footbali, TliG Anti Drug

\

Playin' football is fun. It's like contact with other people.
When I have a pissed off day, I go straight to the field, go
hit a football and do what I do. I'm the smallest one on the
team, but they run hecka slow, and they can't catch me.
When they tackle me, it hurts.

I hate going head up with the other players 'cause
they huge. But I get right back up again. It takes me a
couple minutes, but I do.

When the doctor told me I couldn't play football no
more because I pulled a muscle in my back and neck.
(Well, actually, somebody did it for me because they put
their hands in the back of my helmet, like they were
gonna pull it off me, and it flipped me over.) That's when I
started using drugs, smoking weed and cigars.

When I get out, I might smoke cigarettes once in a
while, but not weed any more, because I got a PO.

I haven't tried being in basketball yet because the
season is over. When it started I had a broken arm. But I
can still play. It's just a little harder to shoot sideways.

-Stephaun, San Francisco

From The Beat: We appreciate reading about how it feels to be tackled
on the football field. It's just like trying to stay on the good side of the
law; but falling. It hurts, but if you want to move, you get up and keep
going. It'll be good for you to have to give up weed for a while. We hope
you don't even smoke cigarettes, 'cause they're no better.

My Daugliter and Her Mntlier

Well today I'm going to write what makes me smile, is my
daughter and her mother. And being behind these walls
makes me think where did I go wrong? I wanted the very
best for my daughter and her mother, but instead I ended
up in another situation that I couldn't escape out of.

I miss waking up early morning and hearing the sound
of my daughters voice calling me daddy! And the smile,
man, what a smile she use to give me.

Now I am stuck behind these bars reminiscing, and
wishing that I went back to my little girl and her mother.
Living in this place is like a fallen world.

-Puppet, Alameda

From The Beat: A fallen world, you said it well. But you know what,
it^ not permanent, you're chance to pick yourself back up is coming up
soon, and you just have to take it - for real, for yourself and for your
new beautiful family.

Faith Makes Me Smile

It makes me smile when I wake up to my daughter

laughing and playing

It makes me smile when my daughter learns a new word.

She's what makes me smile.

That girl is the only reason I want to change how I live in

this world.

It's taking so much time and sacrificing...

And sometimes it feels like I can never do it!

I've had to give up so much at a time,

when I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

I know I'm capable

I finally feel like I'm getting to that point in my life...

Everything else just isn't worth it anymore.

Screw the dumb shhh, forget the nonsense, in and out

of Juve.

Who wants that? I know I don't and every time I fall,

I'll just get through it and get back up.

Faith. That's what makes me smile.

Desiree, Land Of Enchantment

From The Beat: You said that you've, "had to give up so much at a time",
that is a mother's duty. Living the life that you have been is selfish and
wrong. We hope that you show your daughter that you're capable of
being a caring mother. Keep the faith!

y

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

A Flow

I grow up

as a screw up

without a mother

my role model was a drunken old man

my dad

because the problems of his past

but the question was:

would all that effect me, his son?

maybe I should of took my life

when I had the chance

grew up without nothing

promises were made

but never got nothing

just a hug and a laugh

I always wanted a good family

something I never had

my baby mama and my son was

as close as I came

and with him now and

I broke up with her a long time ago

but now they captured me

and put me in a two man cage

all I feel is anger and pain

the jail just ain't right

nothing but time lost in the game

slavery time

I thought it was over

but to me this is like modern slavery

time all over

-Pewe, Santa Clara

From The Beat: This is a harsh flow, but also has some very sensitive
moments. It seems writing is a great way for you to express yourself.
Keep doing it.

Mir Little Sister

The thing that makes me smile is my little sister. Every
day on the outs, my little sister wakes me up by jumping
on me. It's a very cool feeling.

Now look where am I at, behind these bars. Man how
much I miss her. Her birthday was on the fourth, which
means that I missed it this year. She turned seven years
old. I love my little sister more than anything. She makes
me smile everyday

-Castillo, Alameda

From The Beat: It breaics our heart to picture you and your sister
separated from each other. But you put a smile on our face describing
how much you love her. Families need to be together, it keeps them
strong. We hope you find your way back to your family soon.

Tlie Guy That Makes Me Smile....

I met this guy and he has been the one person to put
a smile on my face. He is there for me when I need to
talk and knows he can always come to me when he needs
someone.

Although I wish I was the only girl in his life, I share a
spot with another lucky girl... his daughter. The first time
I laid eyes on them, they held a spot in my heart. I got to
the point where I'm ready to do big things with my life
and I hope that those two are around to experience the
future with me. No matter what happens, I hope they are
still around to continue making me smile. The one thing
I want is my chance to show him that together we can
make the impossible possible. Much love and respect

- His Special Girl, Santa Clara

From The Beat: It seems liice you have a good foundation waiting for
you when you get out and that you are ready for big things. But how

F

ff

Uil

\

that

Children. It's children that always make me smile,
always brightens my day.

I guess maybe I'd be a good dad. I'd like to be a father,
but it is the biggest responsibility that anyone could have,
except of course being a mother.

It is sad how many blow that responsibility. I would
have to teach my kid a lot, not so much teach him
knowledge, but spirituality and the importance of living
the right way. But most of all I'd teach him how to enjoy
life in any situation. I wish I dad a father who could have
taught me these things!

-Monk, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Nice piece. You're right, there are a lot of guys that do
blow the opportunity on being a dad. You sound like you would make
a great dad, and we hope one day you get that chance. Do not forget
to stay in touch with us in CYA Monk, it's been a pleasure reading your
work and having you in the workshops!!

B I I I I I I I I I

ji

Juvenile liall

Juvenile hall got me losing my mind.

'Cause I can't eat I can't sleep my skin dry all the time.

My stomach hurt my headaches and I can't get high

Off the girl touch the Moon and sit down on the sky

I can't drink what I wanna drink to make me relax

Cough syrup, grey goose, and some water and kick back

do

What it do get girls, pet cats and get money

Check dough any weather snow, rain, wind or sunny

This is all in the past cause I'm locked up now but its

gon' change when I get out 'cause I'm gonna touch down

in my town.

-Shady Bo, Alameda

From The Beat: The question is do you want your ticket out of the hall
to be one way or round trip? Because if you want a one way then you
can't go back to your old scene, you need to move on to a new way of
living. Otherwise you're right back here, where you don't want to be!

\

The Anti Drug

My anti-drug since I've been sober from drugs and
alcohol is hell-of-skits. I think about going back to football
because I was hell-of-good at it. It was and still is my high,
'cause I'll hit and stick anyone. I played corner-back, shut
down any air attack! Feel me!

Another anti drug for me is flirting with all these girls.
I be playin sometimes but it is still a high for me. Some
days I get turned down but it don't stop me from hollering
at these females. My favorite line is, "eh girl you lookin'
fine,' or, "what's up wit it?" I got hell of energy so I try to
see what type of female I'm hoUerin at before I attack.

Anti drug number three- 1 write stories - raps - poems

- new flirtin' lines - my day ( like a journal ) - places I like
to go and what I be doin' - stuff about friends and family

- and review my goals.

Yeah I think writin' keeps me sober the most cause
when I feel powerless or anything I can write instead of
doin' something stupid I remember how fun it was to
thizz, smoke, drank, chill wit' my folks and hella beezies,
but I can do all that without drugs and alcohol.

I swear being sober is hell of coo though so I suggest
that most of ya'U get clean! You'll look at life in a whole
different way.

-Tonamoe, Alameda

From The Beat: Those are all very fun anti-drugs. Playing sports, talking
to females, writing, and setting goals for yourself are all very positive
things for you. We're glad to hear that you don't need to be high to
have fun. You right everybody should try to get on the hype you on.
Stay focused and stay positive. You can't go wrong with smy of your
anti-drugs.

agnnnnnE wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/// //

What Makes You Smile

^ f

What makes you smile, is it the way I talk or the way I

walk?
Either way, when we look at each other things seem to

spark.

What makes you smile, is it the sound of my voice?

Maybe it's when I call you and the first thing I say is

how are you doing today?

What makes you smile?

Is it my dreads or could it be my smile,

because everything about you drives me wild.

What makes you smile?

-Liz & Katier (dedicated to Dominque)

From The Beat: We really enjoyed reading your poem, especially the way
you flipped the question on its head, and turned our question to you
into a sweet and slick love poem. We hope this girl makes you smile like
you %9i^ - And vice versa! i

■ ■ ■ ■

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

I Love Money More Than Sin

\

Something that makes me smile is money.

Money makes me smile because of the way it makes me

feel. It makes me feel like I'm on top of the world... LOL.

When you don't have money you feel down and out, but

when you got it you feel up and in. I love money more

than sin.

-Tay

From The Beat: It's not just the money though right? It's also how you
earn the money. If you get it legit - the way that's slow and sure - than
you don't have to pay that 'looking over your shoulder price'. Plus you
can feel proud of yourself on the inside. There's nothing like a legit
paycheck to make you feel like you can be somebody in this world.

Ill III I II

Free Me Fast

Rest in peace Ant.

Man I'm back in this place.

Never gonna have a decent smile on my face

Because this ninjas is having a rat race.

So who's goin' to become the master, but snitches talk

up faster
Heaven is for the real ninjas and hell is for the snitches.
Free all my ninjas. I know I should have been coming
home this weekend.

-Lil' Dedaman

From The Beat: See, this is what happens when you run! We love
printing your work but we hate thinking of you getting longer time
- and you blame the "snitches" but you know there^ only one way to
avoid getting ratted out on - and that's to NOT do the stuff they can rat
on you for! We say this with respect, and the hope that you find your
freedom soon.

F

What Makes Me Smile

\

The person who makes me smile is my girl, my baby
momma. The beauty of her eyes, the moments we had
together. My smile belongs to her. Every time I think
about her makes me smile. Before I lay my head down
and go to sleep, I smile and she smiles back.

-Your man

From The Beat: She is a luclcy lady! We hope she gets to read your sweet
words.

Wtat Makes Me Siile?

\

To keep it solid, what keeps me smiling is money. To
some people, it may not make them smile. When Fm on
the outs and sellin' drugs, sometimes I might not even
be sellin' drugs, I might just be sellin' candy at school
'cause you can make dough there, too.

For some reason, it's like every time I get more than
like over a bird (a hundred dollars), I feel like just cheesin'
hecka hard. Then sometimes you just want to go out and
rob somebody for more.

I Another thing that makes you smile is knowing that

you knitted, when you got fresh new orange, cream, and
gray eight jordans on yo' feet, and then you got some
fresh LRG's or Monkeys on with the fresh grill ten on top
and bottom with the block number on 'em. Then, when
you walk past a female, she be tryin' to act like she don't
see, but when you holler at her and smile she gotta put
her glasses on 'cause you blindin' her. Yep, I be lovin' it,
and then you and yo' patnas smokin', then you really just
can't stop cheesin', gigglin' and whatnot.

And last but not least, when there's a newborn in a
family, you gotta respect and just smile, feel me?

I -Lil' Jon Jon

From The Beat: Thanks for letting us knoiv what makes you smile!

You're the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Have kids and die with, argue and fight with, you are
my wifey, you're the one I want to spend quality time
with hold hands and cry with. Promise to never lie and
deny things, just say "I did it" and let's continue being
us. Because whatever happened, happened before you. I
could never replace us. Trust that you are mine and I am
yours and that is LOVE.

-Eduardo

From The Beat: T^ust and openness are huge parts of love. Best wishes
to you and your girl.

Man, I Miss My Dog!

Man, I miss my dog. All the times when we used to hang.
All the time we used to slang. I miss my boy just being
in my presence. We ain't even got to be doing nothing,
just having all my patnas around just kickin' it was good
enough for me. At least I know that I would never let
anything happen to any one of my close friends. At least
not on my time, not on my watch, I can't do it. I would
have rather died and took that bullet for you bro. You
ain't never did nothing to nobody but keep to your sports
and try to be the coolest cat around. Never had yo' head
down, always had it high. You were proud of who you were
and I respect that to this day. I miss you. Drew.

-Michael

teat: We are so sorry for your loss. Your loyalty and love for
your friends are beautiful qualities you have as a person. We hope that
you will honor your friend^ memory by staying safe and staying out of
trouble. We think he would want this for you.

Who Is Moe?

Who is Moe?

Moe is a creator.

Moe is a player.

Moe is a go-getter.

Moe is a son of a mother.

Moe is black.

Moe is smart.

Moe gets the girl

Moe gets money.

Moe has fun.

Moe is a beast.

But most of all Moe is me, that's all I can be.

-Moe

From The Beat: We have so many questions about Moe, and especially
about Moe ten years from now. Will Moe be a teacher? A doctor? A
student? A father? Now that you've told The Beat who you are, tell The
Beat where you're going!

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/// //

^//

still Moimin'

X f

What's up, Beat? This Young Shawny Bo here wit' my
weekly report.

Lately, I ain't been doin' cool. I found out that Tuesday
night one of my ninjas I used to be wit' got shot four
times: once in the chest, once in the arm, and two in the
leg. I haven't been able to hear anything more about it.
The only reason I found out was from my dad and he only
came Wednesday. And my mom don't know nothing more
about it. But the cold part was this was one of my ninjas
I be wit' damn near everyday. So that's like eatin at me,
plus I'm in here wit' a bunch of dudes that act like sissies
'cause all they do is talk. But it's good they just talk. I'm
keep it mobbin' for my ninjas. I hope [my friend] still
mobbin' too.

-Young Shawny Bo

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your potna getting shot, and
we hope you get more news soon. When you say it's eating at you
that you used to be with your friend who got shot nearly everyday,
what exactly about it is bothering you? Do you feel like you could
have prevented it from happening if you had been there? Do you feel
guilty? Do you think it could have been you instead of him that got
shot? Will this change your plans for your life on the outs? We hope
that you might share your thoughts and reflections on how this sad
event affects you...

What Makes You Smile?

The only thing that can make smile right now is if
Control calls this unit and says Ronald is being released.
Then I'm home to go see my girl.

-Ronald

From The Beat: We hope you get your wish soon. What is your plan for
not coming back to the Hall?

Said....

You said that you loved me,

And that you'll never go away.

You said that you'd wait for me,

But you left the same day.

Now I ask you.

How do you feel today?

You must feel happy.

Breaking my heart this way.

-Yogi The Bear

From The Beat: We hope that by the time this piece comes out, some of
the pain of this breakup will have passed, or, fingers crossed, maybe
you and your girl will be back together.

Sports = The AntI Drug

My anti drug is sports. I love to go out and play sport in
any type of weather. Baseball And football are the funest
sport to play when it is raining. Basketball I'll play no
matter what. Its like when I play sports when I'm mad or
sad or any type of feeling that I feel like I forget about it
and its like it never happened and the competition is fun,
especially when they are a lot better than you and play
someone better than you.

And when I play with my friends it is even better than
going out smoking or drinking you can just go out there
and have fun and just fool around. To me sports is my
anti drug and I hope all the other people have an anti drug
to keep them out of trouble and for the people that don't,
you need to find one and use it.

-Beau

From The Beat: That's great to hear that you have ^n anti-drug. Not
many people have one 'cause obviously everyone else is on some type of
drug. How do you stay focused?

What Makes You Smile?

The thing that make me smile is seeing my mom and
dad and knowing that my family is ok. And that I wake up
every day that I'm not promised. Another thing is seeing
beautiful ladies and my so-called girlfriend. Another thing
is when somebody says something funny.

- 150 Reporter

From The Beat: Those are all things to remember and feel good about.

The Lesson

What makes me smile is my mom, my little sister, my
family, and my girlfriend. I love 'em all, and every time I'm
around 'em I'm happy.

I wish I was around them right now. I haven't talked
to my girlfriend since November 27th when I was at home
me and her talked all night. I seen her almost every other
day but now I really miss her and I miss my mom a lot
too. I hope they are all doing good out there, its hard
living in here without all the people that I love. I've learn
my lesson it's my first and last time here.

-Cherry

From The Beat: Good for you. We are sure you mean business. So all the
best in handling yourself in a safe and productive way!

Smiling

What makes me smile is when I... see my mom happy
when I make my mom happy or smile its because I in the
house before ten I doing good at school not getting in
trouble at school or on the street. Doing things for her
also make her smile. So when she's happy I'm happy.

What also make me smile is when I pass in something
that's good for me such as school, and when I play football,
and basketball it make me smile and other people who is
looking at me play. When I see my sister doing good in
school and at home it make me feel wonderful because
sometimes she will not listen and not do homework but
now she is getting As, B's, and C's in school so that make
me smile cause she's improved and doing better.

-Lil' Tay

From The Beat: We're glad to hear that your sister has improved. We're
also glad to hear all of your positive thoughts. You are wasting your
time messing around and getting caught up just to be away from your
family. Shape up a little bit, so you can be on the outs with your sister
and your moms, and then all three of y'all could be smiling.

How I Got My Nickname

Hey, what's up with it. Beat? Well, it's me once again:
Smiley, still here.

Today, I'm gonna write about what makes me smile,
or how I got my aka: Smiley. It was back in the day when I
met this beautiful girl named Marcitza. Since I met her, we
would always kick it and have hella fun, so we started to
get to know each other better. Until this one day I decided
to ask her out 'cause I felt she was the one for me, so I
did and she said "yeah". She felt the same way, too. So I
was hella happy 'cause we were together and I never loved
before and I will always love her.

Anyways, the next day I was kickin' it with my homies
and they notice me smiling all day for no reason and ever
since then I've been smiling and I will always be me,
Mario, aka Smiley. Much love for you mija. Te Amo.

-Mario

Form The Beat: Aw, how sweet! We have been chatting with you in
workshops for the past few weeks and hadn't yet heard the story of
your aka! Thanks for sharing this great memory with The Beat. It made
u% smile. Ain't love grand...

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

New Addictions

^

Before I went to Juvenile Hall I had bad addictions. But
when I came to the Hall, I've gotten addicted to reading.
It takes my mind off of things, like being in the hall.
When I'm going to get out and {stop?} stuff like smoking,
drinking and other stuff, so when I do get out I'm going
to read more.

-Tommy Gun

From The Beat: It is great that you have found a new way to take your
mind off things. What are some of your favorite booics that you have
read so far? If you can get addicted to the right things - self-respect,
knowledge, and peace, for example, then you could turn your whole
life around!

Steai(-Clieese Fries

\

The food I can't wait to eat is steak-cheese fries from the
burrito truck in the hood.

-The King's Wife

From The Beat: Steak-Cheese Fries, yet one more reason to fight for our
freedom!

^mammmmmEm ^/// "

^ M

Untamed Gorilla

\

Life's what makes me smile

It makes every day worthwhile

From the time I woke up

To the time we squad up

Going hard to the end

Not carin' bout the pen

Side show an hella hoe's

Off patron shinin' in my car

Girls wanna ride

Dudes scared so they hide

Try me I'm teaching lessons on this side

King of the streets

And its known worldwide

-Young King

From The Beat: Why don't care about yo' life why wouldn't you care
about the pen/ You don't wanna chill with no females instead you'd
rather to do 25 to life with some grown ass men/ In the pen it ain't no
cooicies and cake/homicide lessons might be a lesson you'll take/ 'Cause
ain't nobody untouchable out in the streets/ no matter how much money
you got or how much heat/ Not to down play yo' style but it takes a real
ninja to know that/ Before it's too late to realize , and yo' life flashes
right in front of your eyes like a ICodalc/

^

Get Active

Why am I in here? Change for what?

Yeah y'all know I got caught for a gun, assault with
deadly weapon, possession of a loaded firearm, robbery.
But I beat my case cause I'm the one.
When I get released I'm going to tote that thang again,
'cause my pistol keeps my own life in my hand. If I don't
get it, it's in somebody else's.
So I just have to get active.

-Momo

From The Beat: We wish you would get active, for real - not in the
way you mean it here, but in the way that activists have been fighting
for freedom for decades. It's crazy that you carry a gun, crazy that the
streets are so messed up you feel like what you need one. Why not
try to use your talents to join the ACTIVE fight to stop the violence?
Otherwise, you might end up a victim of it.

Tliese Are The Things I Love

What's the definition

truly happy to me

me and my patnas

kickin' back blowin' some trees

my one and only girl Vicky right by my side

bein in the town gives me a natural high

another thing that makes me happy is chasin the cash

servin the sacks

makin knocks come back fast on blast

we'll put you on roast

jokes amongst homies don't get us wrong

mi casa is mi casa

but to potnas invited

sip brews 'till we coo'

maybe kick some rhymes

plus friendly fightin might hop on the gloves

might go blow for blow or slap box just because

turn blunts into doobies

while playin' games or watchin' movies

reminisin on things we use to be doin'

these things make me happy as always

these are the things I love.

-Spider Man

From The Beat: Thos e might have been the good ol' days, but there is a
new day to be had, and given you are now knee deep in the system, it's
time to leave the partyin' and fast money in the past, and step up and
take care of your business like a young man ought to, meaning school
and a legit part time job!!

If.

If I was on the outs, I would go to some place that
serves all you can eat so that I could eat until I can't eat
anymore. Because the food in here is hella nasty. I would
eat anything other than this county food it's hella nasty.

-Critic

From The Beat: Yeah that county food is no joke. It ain't no filet mignon.
But you shouldn't be here in the first place. If you weren't locked up you I
could eat anything you want. I

iTiir;iBi'in;i4iViiimiiiiir

What makes me smile is helping other people. It just
gives me a good feeling to help someone. I can get other
people to smile by telling them a joke or stare at them a
weird way but not in a mean way.

-Beau

From The Beat: Sounds like you got a lot of people skills. That^
something for everybody to smile about. You're a very positive dude
iceep doing what you do.

Sometimes I Smile

Hey what it do Beat? This ya' boy young Fred from the
hood.

Some of the reasons why I smile is when I'm at home
with my 9 month old son when he says (dah dah) to me.
It just makes me feel complete when I'm around him. I
don't really understand why I made the decision to do
what I did to stay away from him. Because I know that
when I'm away from him I start stressing about what he's
doing.

I even stress about life and what I want to do when
I leave this place. I don't ever want to step my foot in
another institution facility because I know that I wont
like it. So what I need to do is just focus on the positive
and leave the negative shhh behind. And if I could do that
I'll be where I should've been a couple of months ago and
that's with my son because he makes me smile. RIP Ant
H-Bo

-Fred

From The Beat: Life is rough and sometimes we make bad decisions.
Stress takes over and sometimes it doesn't let us focus. But you seem
to already know the business. You have realized that nothing is more
important than being out there with your son. You realized the mistake
you made and corrected it. Stay focus and don't let anything get in the
way of your freedom and most importantly your son. He needs a father
in his life, not behind bars. Keep your head high and stay focused.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/^/ //

Loving People Makes Me Smile ^ [

What makes me smile is when Fm with people I love or
when I hear things or see things that would remind me
of my family and friend. My family and friends make me
smile because I know they care and everyday they tell me
what's right and what is wrong. Family does make me feel
better because I know that in my life, I have something to
cherish and remember when I'm old.

-Wanting love

From The Beat: There isn't anything iiice maicing memories iwith your
family and friends. That's what^ life is all about, creating those joyful
memories that'll last you a lifetime.

What Maiies Me Smile

What makes me smile is my main thang my lady. I'm not
sure why but I guess every time I see her, I always start
smiling. I don't know why. I think its because she's hella
beautiful and I'm happy with her. Even when I talk to her
on the phone she be saying stuff that makes me laugh.
Don't know she makes me happy and I make her happy &
we smile together.

-Lil' K

From The Beat: Sounds like you are in love. Why you wasting yo' time
chilling with a whole bunch of other dudes in here? You could be on
the outs chilling with your lady, man. You could be with her right now
instead of just thinking of her. We don't think she's happy with you in
jail, so get out of here, get productive, and don't come back.

Nl

f I

I Hid toi

\

I told you I loved you.

But you didn't care.

I told you I needed you.

But you swung your hair.

I called you a pretty flower.

You called me an ugly bear.

I treated you nicely.
But you played me unfair.

-Yogi The Bear

From The Beat: The path to true love never runs smooth, so the poets
say. Did you write this with a particular girl in mind? How did she play
you unfair? How long has it been since you saw her?

Feellog Better

\

What makes me smile is when I complete something I
never thought I could. Like not doing drugs for a month,
it makes me smile. Or doing good in school, not getting in
trouble on passing the class that I never thought I could
pass that makes me smile. Making my mom happy when
I help her around the house that makes me smile and yea
when I smile it does make me feel better.

-Young Johnny

From The Beat: Lets get back to those times so you can smile again.
Make your self smile by getting out of juvenile and accomplishing the i
things you mention in this piece. I

I'D lack

\

What's up Beat? This is young girl; damn I was out for
like two weeks. Now I'm back, cause this one girl was
calling me some type of female dog, ninjas so I just went
AWOL, and heck no! So I did not call my PO and you
probably know the rest.

And once again I'm back, just writing to The Beat
Within. Now that I'm back just wanted to send a shout
out to all these people that are in the hall, also up in this
unit mad as hell that I'm in here. Keep your heads up
Beat Within.

-Baby Girl

From The Beat: We're glad to see your words, but sad to see you back.
And we're sorry the drama got to you. What's the next step? Another
placement? Keep u% posted.

Smiles Make Me Smile

\

When God gives me another day to live my life it is joy
that I am in this world. God's world, that is what makes
me smile.

When I see my little brother it make me smile. When
I see the world smile it is joy to know that someone else
is smiling.

-Deanna

From The Beat: We hope you have more and more chances to make those
smiles come through. Because it^ time to put the tears behind you and
get more of what makes you happy! How will you do that?

Our Special Moments

The things that make me smile is the look on my man's
face when we are in our special moments. I smile because
I know it is makin' us both feel like we are connected in a
special way that no one could ever come between.

-The King's Wife

From The Beat: We love to hear you describe the feelings you have for
your man and your daughter. You want to be a wonderful mother and
wife one day, so we want to hear how you plan on becoming a strong
young woman.

My Life

I live the fast life

Get money get fast

I wish I could stop

That way I live.

This life on the outs.

And when I'm with my family.

All those ninjas know me.

And tell me to stop doing what

I'm doing and go back to school.

-Baby Girl

From The Beat: We second their emotion - yes, you should quit the fast
life and hit the path to success, starting with school. The real question
is what do YOU want to do?

Wlien My Mom Died...

When my mom died, I didn't cry at first. But when it was
time to see her in the casket, everything broke down and
I did not know what to do.

But later on in life it felt like I was getting over it
-- until one day I was smoking in my room and then my
mom's picture fell in my lap and I started to think.

-Lil' Mel

From The Beat: There is no way to ever really "get over" losing someone
you love. Maybe it's more that we learn how to find joy and love in our
past memories and the pain becomes a bit easier to bear. What is it that
you most loved about your mom that you can still keep with you?

Smile Wlien You Feel Tliat Speoiai Way

What make me smile is when I am with my family and
with my girl. Because nobody can make you feel the way
family does, and when you're with your girl.

She is the only one that can make you feel that special
way because they know how to make you feel good, that's
what make me smile.

-Shorty

From The Beat: We hope on this note that you get back to your girl, and
your family soon. Because honestly, aren't they worth so much more to
you than the BS you got caught up in?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/// "

^ M

Smilin' Keeps Me Connected to You

No matter where I'm at or what I'm doin'

You're the one that keeps me smilin'

And when I stare into your face

Your blue eyes take me to that special place

That only you can, 'cause you're my man

No matter what I'm feeling, or where I'm goin'

You're the one that keeps me smiling

And when you do your silly things you know I'm the one

laughing

The only way you can make me because I'm your lady

No matter what, I love you.

Smiling keeps me connected to you.

-Lady Awesome

From The Beat: This love poem would put a smile on sknyone^ face. We
hope the person you sent it to appreciates the love he has, and we hope
you are getting the love you deserve!

Free Write, My Thoughts

Wassup Beat? This ya boi Shady Bo writing to kill one
more time.

Man I'm gonna get straight to the point, I don't feel
good living anymore.

This m£ix unit got me going crazy. I only get five-
minute showers. I haven't got a straight thru phone
call since I been here and that been about three weeks
already.

But anyways this food is not sitting in my stomach.
And I can't eat when I want to. I'm losing weight and my
skin is drying out.

-Shady Bo

From The Beat: Since that first shock of transferring to Max, you've
become a worker and been a lot happier than you seem in this piece.
We're glad you pushed through that dark period.

M]f Favorite Fo

Ma favorite foods is McDonald's, Wings top. Jack in the
Box, and Burger King.

The reason why I said these restaurants is because
there's a specific things on the list. At McDonald's the
food the I like is cheeseburgers because they be so greasy
an they melt in yo' mouth.

Wingstop is the best 'cause they have a variety of
chicken. My favorite flavor is lemon pepper chicken.
That's all I wanna write.

-Lil' Lhaz

From The Beat: You just made our mouths water with your descriptions
of all these foods, do you also cook?

J

X

A Little Girl With jiaoie

\

Here came a surprise to the world something like you,
no big thang just a little girl with game. Didn't choose her
mother damn straight not the brother, livin' a life she'd
be happy to change.

But it's self-confidence she had to gain!

Livin' life as a hustle, ended up doin' time. Prayed to
God to listen to her cries.

Never got a chance to go to school, never got to live by
rules because my life chose me.

-Lil' Re-Re

From The Beat: Your past life may have chosen you - but you have more
control than you think over your future. You can pick who you spend
your time with, where you go at night, what you study. If you study,
and mostly, whether or not you surround yourself with positivity. So
what^ it going to be? What will you choose?

I Wh

i I

r=Fi

Birriti

I miss my best friend burrito he died. It was five seconds
that he had left to live. I ate him. Rest in Peace, Super
Steak Burrito.

-Christian

From The Beat: We knew Burrito. He was a solid friend, a loyal homie,
a source of nourishment and joy for his whole neighborhood. We wish
him life and glory in that big Taco truck in the sky.

How Do I Overcoflie My Fears?

\

I overcome my fears by drinking alcohol and popping
pills and I live my life as a Mexican rap star. I want to be
the first Mexican to ride the yellow bus.

I also pray when I want to over my fears. I also talk to
the O.G. homies about helping me overcome my fears.

-Smokey

From The Beat: If you are needing drank and pills to keep you calm then
you haven't overcome your fears at all. The day you can face them sober
is the day you'll know you've stepped up to the plate.

j I I I I

Memories from The Outs

What's up Beat! I am writing you once again. I'm writing
about what makes me smile.

What make me smile is every time I get a visit or when
my ninja Angelo reminds me about the stuff we used to
do in the outs or sometimes when I git straight through
phone calls are when I think of the outs.

Well your boy is going to let you go, but not for long.

-Crazy

From The Beat: Next time you and your boys are reminiscing about the
past, also take out a minute to think on the future. What kinds of lives
do you want to have? Jobs, family? Do you believe in your future? And
if so, what does it look like?

Money

Money is what I like to get

Smoke a few blunts or a beela

I get money the fast way on my way to Y-A

But when I get out back on the grind

'Cause I need mine

I don't even want to shine I just want my money and do

what I do

Best sell coke bust thangs on one

With my main telling me stop doing dirt

She want me home cause she tired of being hurt but oh

well.

-Lil' Kari

From The Beat: You can't shine when you're covered with the dirt you
do... which is too bad because we can see that you shine from inside,
you don't need all that external BS. But until you believe it yourself,
nothing anyone tells you will come through.

Life Strogyle

Life has been a struggle for me. I mean it's hard and
frustrating at the same time. The reason I think about
a whole lot is because I can't see my baby mama thinks
that I'm no good to my daughter cause because be getting
locked up and messing with other girls.

I mean I really miss her. I hate the life I'm living when
things is happening. I try not to think about it but it's
hard.

So I'ma maintain in this game and get through wit'
life until I see my little girl again.

-Lil' Rondale

From The Beat: You have something new and wonderful to struggle for
and to fight for, a little soul that will make it all worthwhile. But yes, if
you want that relationship with her, you'll need to make some changes.
What kinds of steps will you need to take?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/// //

^//

Love For My

X f

I got love for my child, as my mother and father love me

I want to get out of here, so I can show my baby girl
the love I have for her, just like the love my mother and
father had for me. It's the way they made me feel and the
way they keep me happy, by never letting me down and
keeping me clothes on my back.
I want the same for my child.

-Young Father

From The Beat: There vtsk% no name on this moving piece, so ive made
one up for you. We hope you don't mind, we chose the name to go with i
your new commitment to life sk% a parent, sk% a son, sk% a young man. I

I I

My Addictive Drog is Sex

V

My drug is sex. I'm promiscuous. I can't control myself -

I need it I want it, I love it, but why me?

Why do I call myself a sex fiend?

I'm even attracted to girls I get the best of both worlds

I'm happy the way I am.

-Big Daddy O

From The Beat: It sounds iiice, sk% much sk% you joice about it, "needing it"
ail the time (or needing to feel wanted the way sex can maice you feel
- temporarily), is actually causing you some problems. Have you been in
a position where you ended up getting hurt in the long run, for doing
it with the wrong people, or for the wrong reasons? We hope not - we
hope you demand and receive the respect you deserve. From others and
from yourself.

1

I don't have everything.

As a matter of fact I don't have anything.

Except a dream of a better day. ,

And you to help me find my way. '

Being a man I sure 2 make a mistake.

But to keep you I would do all it takes.

And if it meant my love was really true.

I'd gladly die and watch over you.

I wish you knew how much I cared.

You'd see my love is true by life we'd share.

Even if you changed your mind and soul our love was

through.

I'd want to die continuously cry, still I'd love u.

-Lir T

From The Beat: Did you have a specific girl in mind when you wrote
this? Did she ever get the chance to see the poem? And what did she
think of it?

Free My People

They got a lot of my bra's in prison who ain't coming

home
And they main thang (female) then put a block on the

phone

My bra was a young ninja, so I ask how the hell do you

do fo'ty

And he told me you just do it don't think about it

And I told him bra you ain't breaking bread no more in

these streets

That's all a female care for in all them ninja who you

was with

Then left you alone

And he told me the ninja that let you down is the ninja

you love so much.

-Deeske

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear that your boy is suffering the way
he is. It sounds like he's keeping his head up the best he can. As for
you, did hearing this make you even more determined to stay out of
the system - and also to remember that you can't really trust the people
,_._ _. — , _.=_.^ __=^.. ^ .=,_ _.=_^__ =^ _j^j^ j^j^ people's hearts...

\

IflOiHiWiild've...

What's popping Beat and Beat readers? I picked this
topic 'cause lot of us do wish ...so here I go.

One day I was posted on the spot, posted with fam, all
of us doing our thang, letting everybody know what it is
and we all on like shhh

But out of nowhere I just up and boogied, left
everybody body on the Island feeling it was the wrong
thing to do. But I did it nonetheless then out of no where
my wifey calls me and asks what I'm doing and where I'm
at. I let her know, and then we get into a personal talk so
me and her choppin' it up for like 30 minutes. Then my
big brotha calls me and tells me I'm seriously needed on
the Island and I hear gun shots in the background so I let
him know I'm on my way, and I click over only to hear my
boo-baby cryin' and saying come home (her house).

But I told her that I couldn't and had something to
do. She wasn't trying to hear it, but I had to, I hung up
and turned my phone off and my car around to go back
to the Island -- only to be in the middle of a shootout war.
But if family calls, I respond, get my brothers and got
outta there.

Finally, I cut my phone back on and had missed three
from wifey, one from my sister, and one from my auntie.
I didn't go home till like two days later. All because I not
only knew, but I felt how mad she was at me.

So I finally caught up to her after school on Friday we
went to take pictures, ate and went to the movies as a way
of apologizing and making it up to her.

But I can't help it our motto is Fam 1st. Females last,
but I still love her so I try to show her that every day. but
now a days you don't have one without the other.

-Lil' Solid

From The Beat: Thanks for sharing this story, we feel like the choices
you had to maice that day are something a lot of people can relate to.
See it seems to u% that you can't REALLY put your family first until you
are sure you are trying to keep each other out of danger. So long sk%
you're posted, so long sk% you're doing dirt, so long si% you're all trying to
get that street money, then your "fam" isn't really watching out for each
other. You keep putting each other in danger. As for females last - it
works like this. Love first. Who you love and care about is what matters.
But if you love them, don't make them suffer, worrying about are you
dead or alive. You need to get out of the street, and take whoever you
love that you think will go with you. But first, %«>ie yourself!

Cao't Get Glad

I'm sittin' in the hall lookin' at the wall waitin' for a
worker to pass me some county draws I'm itchin'.
For a release, so I can hit the scene
If you dry ass ninjas know what I mean.

The judge planning on releasing me to my dad.

-Lila Dee

From The Beat: As much stress sk% your facing, we do congratulate you
on your straight release, and we hope you NEVER COME BACK.

Stressing

What's up Beat I hate bein' in this shhh. I been stressing
all this week 'cause my court coming up.

I want to get out of these walls, I want to be with my
family and my girl, I ain't never coming back to the hall,
this ain't my place to be!!

I miss my money and my mom and my girlfriend and
when I get out I'ma try to find a job a do some with my self
cause I don't want to come back!!

-Roland

From The Beat: We hear you - this is no place for you (or ^n^one\ to
be. So now that you know it, you have got to make a plan on how you
intend to stay out - for good.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^^^/^^

When I Think Of Death...

^. r

When I think of death I think of losing my eyes for a split
second then opening them on a new life. I agree with the
Beat that living on the edge is selling drugs and packing
guns.

In my opinion, that leads to a quick death. In funerals
I learned that they bring out the real you, and also the
best.

-Young Voice

From The Beat: Well at a funeral we're being honest and we're not afraid
to hide our pain or sorrow. In our day-to-day lives, we hide it. Why do
you think we hide our feelings so much?

Lnss nf Innocence

How I grow up so fast I see people do shhh I like

So I got that follow I like what they do

So I do the same thing they do

That's how I grew up fast

By looking at people next thing I knew I grew up hella

fast

Doing all that when I hit sixteen

People always tell me slow down I want you to stay out

of trouble

Boy you a good young man people love you

You need to do the right thing.

-Pp

From The Beat: And when people tell you this, that they love you, that
they want you to do the right thing, do you hear them? Or is it so much
temptation out there that you don't pay attention? We feel like there's a
part 2 to this poem, and we want to hear it!

RIP Stevie

What's up y'all, this is Lil' Bj giving a lil' Beat shout out
to my close potna Stevie who was killed at Emery High
School about six months ago. Rest In Peace.

-Lil' Bj

From The Beat: Thanks for giving u% a chance to remember Stevie in
our pages. RIP.

What Makes Me Smile

What makes me smile is girls gone wild

Laugh out loud naw but on some real shhh

Makin' money that makes me smile

Even on the pru off that Seagram's gin

Cause when I'm on I know I gone win

And if you a girl you some swipe and make you loud!

-Weezy

From The Beat: What's funny is that we know you, and we know you are
always smiling, even if you are going through serious stress. How do
you keep your spirits up, and what lies behind the smile?

What's Good Beat?

Well this is your boy Sparks holding it down in camp
with my homeboy. Man, we in here stressing and wishing
we can be out there with the fam and doin' what we do.

But enough wit' that I just wanted to come through,
show some love and respect to all of ya, and let everyone
know to keep their heads up in Juvie. Much love from ya
boy Sparks.

Rest In Peace all lost homies. See you soon on the
other side.

-Sparks

From The Beat: What do you do to help you cope with that stress in
here? Do you spend much time making plans for the future? We hope
you do, and we hope you do it in a positive way.

Droms Are My Anti-Drug

\

\ I

My anti drug is playing the drums. I feel good playing
them I can get stress off at the same time.

That is what my anti drug is, for example I got kicked
out and went to the center and played their drum set and
just stayed their all day and played nonstop for hours.

That is why drums are my anti-drug.

-Ricardo

From The Beat: How does playing the drums make you feel? Is that a
good way to relieve your stress whenever you feel like snapping on
somebody, or doing something stupid? Is playing your drums a way
for you to get away from everything and relax? Who is your favorite
drummer? Where did you learn?

Cheese

u
\

What makes me smile

Is when I'm in front the crowd going way wild

I feel good when I do me and it's my style

I gets way wild

Make the crowd go right to left, left to right

Seein' my fam bam in front of the spotlight

Seein' my ninjas come up

Stayin' smart as the dump truck

No being stupid give my young ninjas some money

Tell 'em do y'all go to da mall and go buy it all

I smile when my family happy

If you wanna be happy get at me.

-Boe

From The Beat: If you truly feel this way then you know what you have
to do. You have to quit all the BS and get your life straight - because do
you think it makes your family smile when you come in here?

My Ladies

What makes me smile is looking at my mom and just
knowing that she is still by my side no matter what I'm
going through.

To see my little sister doing something positive with
her life instead of following all these girls that have no
respect for themselves.

What makes me smile is to see my beautiful wifey
stay by my side no matter what through thick and thin,
and to know and see that she is going to be there for me
even if I don't need her to be.

What makes me smile is to kno
on each of their faces even when they're feeling low. And
to let them know that everything is going to be all right as
the day goes.

-Ronnie

From The Beat: Those are all positive things to look forward to. You
have all these people by your side sticking by you by thick and thin.
You're very lucky that you have that support. You shouldn't be in here.
You should by spending time with your mother, sister, and your wifey.
Next time think about your family before you decide to make any kind
of decision that might put your freedom in jeopardy.

Two Good Books

Me I'm coo' 'bout to let my fellow inmates know about

two good books to read, to help you make some better

choices, and entertainment for the mind. The first I say

is the autobiography by Colton Smith (Former Crip), and

The Client by John Grisham yeah just check them out.

They some good books. I already read to help pass time

and learn a few things instead of rottin' in my cell.

-Lil' T
From The Beat: Thanks for the recommendations Lil T, we'll take a look
at these books too and get back to you on them! What is it that you
liked about these books, and are there others you'd suggest?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/// //

Hood Life

My mama use to tell me

Never show the real me

'Cause if I show the real me

They gon' wanna kill me

Dead or alive man ya gonna feel me

Listen up this is the real me

This ain't no movie so why you tryna film me

Why the hell you think I put lie ice in my jewelry

Bright lights in front of me

Everybody started off as wannabe's

And now I'm where I wanna be.

-Jesus

From The Beat: Where exactly do you wannabe? Are you telling us that
you -vtsknnsk be in jail? Or do you mean something else by what you said
lAfhen you said "And now I'm ivhere I iwannabe." You said it yourself this
ain't no movie. You wasting your time behind bars. Where you should
be is outta jail.

\f

My Love For Money

If I got money in my pockets then I'm happy wit' a smile
on my face.

That's why I stay wit' money in my pockets, feel me?
You gotta go out there and get it. But you got to stay out
a jail and be free.

-Lil' Ken-B

From The Beat: One thing you don't %x^ in this piece is how you get your
money. Do you ever think about that, and does that make a difference
in terms of how you feel about the money in your pockets?

My Homegirl

\

What up Beat! It's Dopey from Camp. My home girl passed
away a few years ago on December 27, her anniversary
is coming up. I don't like Christmas as much as I did
because of her loss. I miss her a lot, she was my potna's
lady that was the first time I seen him cry. RIP Laura.
You'll be missed.

-Dopey

From The Beat: Thanks for sharing this memory with us, iwe are sorry
that you and all her other loved ones had to lose a precious life so
young.

Good News

What makes me smile is money, food, and having fun.
Also when bad things happen or when things are going
bad, good news make me happy. Nothin' but good news
excite me the most but good news and money.

I choose money 'cause you could get anything you
want depending on how much money you got. Another
thing is good news, why I love good news cause bad news
make a ninja go crazy, like someone died in yo' family
or they tryin' to give you life. But good news could mean
nothing but good so that's why I love good news.

-Marcus

From The Beat: Good news is always better than bad news. But no
matter what a positive attitude is way better than a negative one. So
when you do get some bad news you won't flip out sk% hard. Money ain't
everything though, even though you do need it to live comfortably, it's
not worth the risk of your freedom or your life.

Lady Just Listen

Liking you is easy because you're beautiful

I got just what you need call me a pharmaceutical

I don't wanna come between you and your man

But I can treat you better than he can

Now say your man ain't treating you like he use to

I know what you should do

Call on me now, say your plans ain't working

Out like they use to

Things ain't what they use to

I know what you should do

Call on me I don't have to say it to your face

When my pen hit the pad

I can make you feel like a new lady

I ain't Weezy but you can call me baby

Make it last forever like Keith Sweat

My words on paper take away breath

One day I'm gonna have my own country

I'm gonna be the only man there

So the ladies they gone hunt me

Ladies just listen I will tell you the true meaning of

commitment.

-Young Mari

From The Beat: Where do you get your inspiration? Did you write this
for any lady in particular?

My Life

Rest In Peace Jeremee

Man this Young Money back in the building. Yeah man
I'm through with all my ninjas dying.

Every time I come home its another one of my patnas
dying or being locked up.

-Hoochie

From The Beat: It's enough to make a person break down, but instead
we've got to work together to bring peace back to our streets. To end
the funerals and the pain.

My life is fear

My life is tears

My life is funerals

My life is money

By any means

My life is cars

My life is hard

My life is girls

My life is hard times and good times

My life is staying up to to date.

-Lonnie

From The Beat: Your life is also hope, and dreams... and a chance for
a brighter future. When you picture the future you want, what does it

It's Too Deep

It's your homie Smokey coming from these Alaco walls.
I ain't really got nothing to say. I got a lot of stuff on my
mind but its too deep to talk about. I did want to say
this though; I would like to share something that an old
associate told me hopefully I get it right:

Life is mathematics. Multiply your sanctuaries
and fortunes, respect, and trust. Divide your business
associates from family.

Add isolation, temptation, awareness, knowledge, and
power of mentality, emotion, physical and communication.
Subtract enemies, passion, love, and care for another life.
But how far will you go to accomplish all of this. Effort
that's all it takes, believe in yourself but have no remorse
live how you want to live. Be how you want to be but never
forget who you really are!!

-Smokey

From The Beat: Be whatever you want to be, but be yourself! You can't
be something that you ain't. You can't pretend to be anything. This life
is all about being real, with the people who you care for, and real to
yourself. You are not here to impress no one. This is your life, you call

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mammmmmEm ^/^/^/

Rest In Peace Doodie

X

Man they took my lil' bra out the game. I just seem my
bra and now he's gone I hate the life we live. I love and
miss you lil' bra.

-Hoochie

From The Beat: We hate the life you live too - there's too much pain
and suffering in it. We also believe that it^ possible to get away from
that life, if you are really committed to change. Could you be one of the
people who gets away? We hope so!

What Makes You Smile

^

I Am Tough

I am tough because I said so,

I am tough because I know I can,

I am tough because I'm the man,

I am tough because I fear no man,

I am tough because is in my blood,

I am tough because I know I'm tough.

But you know what I'm also smart,

I am smart because I know I am and I go to school

-Big Head

From The Beat: These are fighting words, words you can march to in
your mind when you are fighting for your education, your job, your
future in this nation sk% a first class citizen. That% better than toughness,
that is true strength!

ii&t Makes Yuu Smile

The things that makes me smile is my mom, dad, and
family because my mom and dad made my life, and
without them I wouldn't be alive right now.

The other reason why that makes me smile is my
family. My family makes me smile because if I needed
something they would be there to help me or buy
something if I needed. So that's what makes me smile.
Things that makes me smile is that if some one out there
cares and loves me.

-Alex

From The Beat: Those are all positive things to smile about. Family
is very important. We bet we know something that would make your
family smile, and that^ you getting out of juvenile hall and staying out

\\

\i\

T

What makes me smile is a lot of things. Even though
I'm in juvenile hall I still like to smile. I think you always
got something to smile about. I smile just because God
wakes me up everyday and that's something to smile
about. Even though I'm in here I'm around someone that I
love my lil' bra my blood and that just give me something
to smile about everyday that keep me going.

Even if you are locked up you should be glad just to
have something to eat everyday and somewhere to rest
your head because it could be worst. A lot people don't
have that. Yes smiling makes me feel good it makes me
feel better about myself then being mad don't you think.

When I help my mom out with the family I know that
it brings a big smile to her face but when I act up I know
that don't help too much with a smile. There has been a
lot of times when I smile and it's not good.

I got into this fight one time and beat this boy up that
brought a smile to my face but that's all I can think of
right now so all right.

-Lil' Midnight

From The Beat: There are plenty of things that we all should smile
about. And you're right we need to be grateful for the fact that we have
food and shelter. There are people on other parts of the Earth starving.
So we all need to kick back and smile and be thankful for the shhh we
have.

stiff in M) tliil

\

So many stuff on my mind while I'm doing time.

Stressed out, with no peace in my heart

My mind continues to sparks anyway

Seems like it's Independence Day

Filled with glory with no made up story

I am the one not the other

I'm gonna make it rain so grab your umbrella

I'm beasting it out like Godzilla

Everything I says it's a fact

Never putting up an act
An' still no love for a cat.

-Big Head

From The Beat: It's good to see you in The Beat again/dropping rhymes
like steel with a pencil or a pen/but these 1 2 lines are just not enough/
next time double it, planned out or off the cuff.

Nn Anti Drug

les
|h/ I

\

Nowadays most teens smoke weed and it's easy to find
someone who sell it. School is another place where
people smoke and sell weed. Weed is a drug that I use.
I been smoking weed for a long time. The good part
about smoking weed is that it makes you relax and make
everything funny to you, but the bad part about smoking
weed is that it makes you tired and it kills your brain
cells and it become harder for you to think, another fact
on smoking weed is that you can't overdose.

-Lil' Dre

From The Beat: So what is your anti-drug? What can you do to get
natural high? Is there anything else you can do to help you relax
besides smoking weed?

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I r

What Makes Me Smile

Where I Am

ji

What makes me smile is when me and my family is
having a great time and we have laughs and smiles, like
when we go to places together like a family. What makes
me smile is my girl when we get together we are having a
good time, like I take her to the movies and watch a movie
it makes me smile having fun with a love one.

Why is my life so messed up? Why am I so bad? why I
have to be so dumb? Why I have to smoke so much weed?
Why? Why do I have to serve so much time? Why?

-Baby Joker

From The Beat: You can answer the why questions, we know you have
answers, and if you want to correct them you will!!

I'm in jail all in these cells

And it feels like hell wishing I can get bailed

And all I can do is think of my family

But all I can do is blame me

Not the people in the street

Not the people in the beat

And I hate the heat

The heat that I'm in

But jail is like my twin

'Cause I can't stop coming back

And all I can do is slack

But on outs I'm a mack on the map

And I stay wit' a girl on my lap

But I wish I can rap and re-feel destiny so you can wish

You can be me.

-B

From The Beat: You don't have to keep blaming yourself kid. You made
a couple of mistakes. Now you gotta bounce back. Everybody is gonna
slip up and make mistakes. But it's how you gonna pick yourself back up
that's gonna determine how much heart you have.

//////

I'm Back

X f

Man, I been in here for more than a year now, and dey
'bout to send me to a grouper. I but I gotta wait. Dey be
playin' wit' me. 33rd said they accepted, then they said
I'm not. Now, I don't know how, but if I don't get out, I
might get a home pass for Xmas.
A'ight Beat, I'm gone.

-Coo B

From The Beat: We hope you got your home pass. But we have to keep
it real. When we read "they playin' me," we have to wonder just how
"you" are part of the "they"...

\ I

loie CiDked Foil

X

If I would put any kind of food in here, it would have to
be Mom's home cooked food. What I like about Mom's
Puerto Rican food is that it's unique. I think it's the best
tasting food.

If I had a chance, that's what kind of food I'd rather
have than that juvenile hall food.

-Lope

From The Beat: We'd love to taste some of that home-cooked food,
you cook?

Pumpin' Iron Is My Anti-Druo

My anti-drug up here is pumpin' iron, homie! Ha ha.
Naw, but fo' reals, lifting weights helps relieve a lot of the
stress and anger I've got, plus I'm just gettin' ready to go
back to the war zone!

I'm almost done wit' this program! This year up
here went by quick. This time wasn't shhh! I'm eighteen
already, so next stop is the 7th floor at 850 (San Francisco
County Jail,) feel me? All right, that's it for me. Beat. Will
see if you publish my piece, 'cause you rarely do. All
right, then. Late.

-Smokey

From The Beat: Pumping iron is terrific for your health and spirits! Plus
you'll look all buff and handsome and feel great! But are you also taking
a good look at what on the outs is causing your stress and anger? Do
you want to deal with it, because it's righteous, or are you going to let
it sabotage you so badly that you'll end up in 850 or worse? You already
know what being incarcerated feels like. Why don't you challenge
yourself right now and make sure that once you're back on the outs,
you'll stay free, no matter what? Get yourself a brand new life?

Get Over

My cousin got shot. Now my cousin can't walk. He can't
see me, can't talk. He's dead!

I don't even drink, but when I got the news, I took a
bottle of Patron to the head, and ever since that happened,
I feel like I can't stay sober. I just gotta get over 'cause,
dog, I'ma soulja. It's killin' me 'cause we was younger.
That was like one of my favorite cousins and he wasn't an
innocent bystander. Yeah, he was out there thuggin', but
that's not the point. Why they had to take my fam? You'll
never know how upset I am. And I was in jail, so I missed
the funeral.

RIP Big Cousin Dexter.

-Butta

From The Beat: When you ssty we'll never know how upset you are
at losing your loved one, we want you to thinic about the fact that
everyone who loses someone close to them feels the same sks you feel
about your cousin. It is one tragedy that so many of you have to feel the
pain of loss — permanent loss — at your age. But is also a tragedy that
so many of us feel that only our pain counts, and that when we inflict
that pain on others, it's somehow okay. When we finally understand
that the love we have for our families is the same 9S the love all people
have for their families, and the pain we feel when they pass is identical
to the pain everyone feels about losing their loved ones, then maybe we
can learn to live together.

Do

How I'm Feelin'

\

Wha's good wit da Beat? Dis DreBoelow. Man, I can[t wait
ta see wha's good wit' da homies. Da's how I'm feelin'.

God Makes Me Smile

God woke me up today. That's what we should all smile

about. Forget all the troubles.

-Stephaun

I From The Beat: Nowf that you are awake, mrhat vtlU change in your life?

Conflicts

What's poppin' wit' da Beat? Me, shhh, same ol' me. I've
been thinkin' 'bout a lot, and everything. I just lost my
707, and I'm supposed to have court downtown in a few
weeks.

I really don't give a rat's ass about me losing this
shhh. I just don't want to go to the pen to do hella time,
'cause it won't be fun. But I can do the time 'cause I did
the crime. But I don't give a damn. I'm already 18 years
old and I don't care about juvenile. My PO ugly ass could
drop the charges, but she don't want to.

I don't care about the judge. The DA ain't showing no
love. I hate the police. They snakes.

-Latin King

From The Beat: Of course, we had to take out that final threatening
sentence... We're sorry you lost your 707. We think the court made a big
mistake. When you say you don't care about any of the people who now
control your life, you're saying you don't care about yourself. And that
tells us you're not stn adult yet, whatever the court says you are.

Modi Makes Me Smile

My mom makes me smile. She's always there for me
when I'm down or up, it don't matter. When she be coming
to see me, I always got a smile when I see her, and she got
one too. And I ain't trying to sound like no mama boy, but
she always been there fa yo' boy, and I love her for that.

They say what makes you smile makes you cry, but
not Moms. She got my back fo' real, and whenever she
need me, I got to the same way. So that's what it be like
when I smile.

-James

From The Beat: You're so luclcy to have a mom that not only loves you,
but stands by you when you need her the most. Of course, that's why
you should be home with her right now. Next time you're out, remember
that she needs you beside her more than you need to be anywhere else.
Don't you think she deserves it?

If My Uflole Was Alive

What would make me smile is to be able to see my uncle
Way who died in August of 2005 at Nation's restaurant in
El Cerrito. 100% RIP Way Out.

-Manorism

From The Beat: If we could only bring those who have passed back into
our lives, we would all be smiling.

Pottiog A Smile Do My Face

What's good with The Beat? I just want to tell you
something that makes me smile. It's when I see my mom
and my sister when I go to a family visit. That's what
makes me smile, when I see my family and my girlfriend.
But a song that I like to hear is Lil' Wayne. He be
saying some real shhh that gets me in the mood and puts
a smile on my face.

-Acie

From The Beat: What is it about Lil' }NnYne's music and lyrics that puts
that smile on your face?

mnnnME Mswmmm^4 ^ ^ / s ^ ^

//////

My Unborn Baby Brings Me Joy ^\i [

It's crazy how something that you've never seen or heard
can bring so much happiness to my life, I can feel it kick,
I can hear its heart beat and I know it's there depending
on me to eat right and take care of myself, 'cause when
I'm happy my baby's happy. So my baby is what makes me
smile. Every time I think of my baby coming, I smile. I can
wait for it to come.

-Kristina

From The Beat: Having a baby means you have to make a lot of changes
in your life. You no longer come first, and that means you must stop
doing the things that let the system take your freedom, if you keep
doing those things, it will only show the world that you love something
more than your baby! Good luck!

i I

es I

Family

My family is what made me happy even though at times
they get on my nerves. My family is my everything

-Zene

From The Beat: This tells u% almost nothing. You can do much better, if
all you can produce in one hour is two sentences about something that
is your "everything," you haven't really told u% anything at all. Next
time, we ivant much more before we'll publish. For example, if your
family is your everything, sk% you write, then why did you give it all
away by giving the system the power to take you from them?

Antl-Brug

Tiiree Tnpics in flne

\

I smile when the CO tell me I'm being released.

My anti-drug us watching TV, C.S.I &Law &Order
because I want to be a defense attorney so I try to cram
all the legal terminology as much as I can.

I want Panda Express. I want some sweet & sour pork,
some pots tickers, fried rice and chowmein.

-Mercedes

From The Beat: Mercedes, we can tell that you can write, even from this
small sample. But The Beat doesn't want you to write about all three
topics. When you do that, all you can give u% is a sentence or two, and
that doesn't tell u% anything. Next time, please choose just one topic to
write about, and tell u% sk% much sk% you can about that one topic.

Well yeah, I used to love getting high smoking weed. Not
drinking. I used to always love to get high. As soon as I
got up I would think about hittin' the blunt. I used to be
like, "Forget it! I need a blunt." I haven't smoked for a
minute though. Even before I got here I haven't hit a blunt
ever since a couple of months back.

I ain't no drug addict, but now my ass is getting sent
to a rehab for adults 'cause I ain't got accepted to the
youth rehab, for the fact I'm 18 already. It's good though.
I'm going to be there for a minute, probably two years. It's
all good though, just got to keep staying solid as usual,
stay strong, and always keep my head up. Same for all the
homies that are here doin' time. Just keep y'all head.

-Monstrita

From The Beat: Why did you decide to stop hitting that blunt when you
were free? How did you do it? Now that you have some clean time, you
should build on that. Take advantage of whatever the program offers.

Mnm Makes Me Smiie

Someone who always makes me smile is my mom. Since
I've been in here, all I could think about was her and one
of my good friends. I've realized all I think about is what
I did wrong.

I love my mom so much, and I regret doing everything
wrong and not listening to everyone. I miss all my friends,
and all I could do is cry because I know instead of being
free, I'm stuck between four walls every day. And when
I'm in here all I wanna do is give my mom a huge hug. I
wanna give one of my friends a hug. I miss everyone so
much and now I know what not to do.

-Unsigned

From The Beat: Next time, don't forget to put your Beat name on what
you write. And next time you're out, remember how much you miss (and
owe) your mom. ICnowing what not to do is critical, but not enough.
Now you have to put your knowledge into practice.

You Put A Smile BniVly Face...

Edward, Jr.

My man.

My boyfriend. My best friend. My life.

My love.

Just the thought of you makes me smile.

All the good times we've shared, it all still

Makes me feel special.

Just knowing that I'm part of your life, brings

So much happiness to this world.

Our kisses we share

Are so magical.

Your smile is so contagious.

You don't ever fail to make my day.

Baby, I miss you so much right now.

I will not stop loving you, ever.

-Angelique

From The Beat: it's always nice to have someone to love. But when you
have someone like this, why would you risk losing it by doing whatever
it was that brought you here? Sounds like there was something you
loved even more than him, at least at that moment...

Gumbn And Jumbaiaya

FF

Right now I have a taste for some Gumbo. When I get out
I have to go out the state so I don't know what I will want,
probably just some pepperoni pizza on the plane.

As for the Hall menu, if they can't make the gumbo
they should at least consider Jumbaiaya. When I'm at
home, I loved making my specialty shrimp alfredo with
broccoli on the side, with French rolls. The only thing I
miss out of my mom's cooking is her deep fried chicken
and hot water corn bread. I'ma miss all of the good food
California have so I hope the state I'm going to will too. I'll
be back in five months.

-Sabrina

From The Beat: We don't know which plane you'll be on, but if you find
pepperoni pizza on board, let u% know! We have to tell you that this
piece made us hungry both for your special shrimp alfredo, and for your
mom% fried chicken and corn bread. Which state will you be going to?

IHy Life

Wha's up Beat Within? This is young Racs, I'm just in
the Halls just waiting for the good news to say when I'm
getting out. I'm looking forward to this day. I'm really
trying to get a job and just be with my family, because this
is what I really want for my life. I want to just spend time
with my family and be with them during holidays, like the
special holidays like Christmas or my mom's birthday,
because I really ain't trying to be locked up during this
holiday.

I will be really frustrated, but that ain't really going to
happen because they really are going to give me another
chance. I just got to appreciate my freedom being out of
jail.

Peace out Beat Within Late!

-Young Racs

From The Beat: it's a sign of adulthood to know what is truly important
in our lives. Family will be there for you when others have lost their
importance. You should be there with them, too!

.-/rA/v#>^v mffwmmmj! ^/^/.^^ff

fjffff /^

Wbei Will Our Wirisj Eil?

X

When will the war be over? I ask when will we stop killing
innocent people for oil? When Barack Obama become the
first black President of the United States. When will our
current President, Georgia, learn some common sense?
When will the government stop being a big conspiracy
and actually work toward world peace and security?
When will I be free from this oppression?

-Mercedes

From The Beat: Of course, we can't be sure that Obama will be the next
President, and iwe're not sure hoiv soon the iwar in Iraq iwill end even if
he is elected. We hope so. But the only war you can really do anything
about is the war that keeps you locked up. So, while we applaud you for
taking stn interest in national politics, we really want you to focus your
attention on that final question because you have a good deal to say in
the matter of when you'll be free from this oppression...

Talking To Mom Makes Mo Smile \

What makes me smile is my mom when she comes in
here and talks to me. Her presence makes me smile and
makes me happy. The other thing that makes me smile
is talking on the phone. When I talk to my brothers, my
mom, my cousins, and my girl I just feel this great bliss
come over me.

Talking and laughing with them just makes me forget
my problems. They make my problems become oblivious
to me. When I see my mom or when I talk on the phone,
no one can ever encroach on my feelings.

-Lil' Roach

From The Beat: The way we read this, you'd really be smiling all the time

Lif you were with your mom where you belong. So the question is, when
you get back there, will you be able to stay there? What will you have
to change for this to happen? (By the way, just one English correction:
Problems cannot become oblivious to you. instead, you are oblivious to
your problems when you're laughing with your mom.)

'iiAiiiiir^

My Grams and my Pops makes me smile when they come
visit me in YGC. When they release me from Juvenile
Hall. When Fm ova. When people fight and someone gets
whopped or dropped. When Grams cooks a hot plate for
me.

-Lil' Unknown

From The Beat: Those are a lot of things to smile about. What can you
do for all of them that would make them smile?

! I

Fast Food

When I leave, I will go to KFC for some chicken,
McDonald's for a Big Mac, and #1 King. While in here,
you only could dream of some good food. Life in here
is no joke. Your days go by so slow, you wish you could
sleep your day away. Being in jail is some people's worst
nightmare, and for others, it's all they have. I guess it's
how you look at it.

-Baby Dimples

From The Beat: You're right, jail is no joke. So tell u%, how do you look
at it? Is it your worst nightmare? if so, how do you plan to wake up and
stay out of it?

MoDiDia's Cooking Makes Me Smile

What makes me smile is when my momma makes me
steak tacos for my birthday and then lets me bring all of
my friends over and the girls to party.

-Lalo

From The Beat: That^ fine, Lalo, but is this all you could squeeze out
in a one-hour workshop? Couldn't you throw in some details about the
food, the birthday party, the girls?

Making Me Laogli

\

When I'm mad or sad, there's always something that can
find it's way in make me laugh, if it's watchin' my niece
and nephew do something silly, or hangin' out wit' my
goons, or wit' my boyfriend chillin'. I can't never stay mad
too long 'cause my niece and nephew are lil' cartoons and
my boyfriend is goofy as can be.

-Jacqueela

From The Beat: We hope you think about just how much your lil' niece
and nephew need you, because we know you weren't thinking of them
when you did whatever it was that let them separate you. Maybe it's
time to think of what others in your life need, and what you have
sacrifice in order to give it to them.

Wliat Makes Me Smile?

■A

le, I

If I am sad or really mad and call my grammy and tell
her how my day went and tell her what is bothering me
she would always say something stupid or funny or talk
about somebody in a bad way and make me laugh and
smile. After that I would forget about the whole bad day
and go on like nothing bad ever happened that day. That's
why I love my grammy so much because she can always
make me smile no matter what.

-Cindy

From The Beat: Your grammy has a ivonderful gift. Now; iwhat gift can
you give her that she wants most from you? We think it's staying free
that she wants for you. Can you give her that?

My Best Friend

My best friend makes me happy because I go to his
house and we be playing at his house. I can't wait til I get
out because I hope I can go home and not a group home.

-No Name

From The Beat: Next time, you can write more than this! Also, next time
don't forget to put your Beat name on what you write!

Good Case Manager

The people that helped is my case manager called

Delivin. Every time when I get into trouble he is always

there to help me out of the situation like going to juvenile

hall. When I really do something wrong, he will always be

there for me and support me. He always tries to give me

positive ideas like going to school and going home for

curfew. So this is for the case manager that helped me.

-Lil' T
From The Beat: It's really nice to thank someone who goes out of their
way to help. But, of course, you know even before we say it that the
best thanks you could give would be to stay out of the kind of trouble
that leads you here. That's the thanks he's looking for.

rm Gnnna Be Smart

Being in jail is weak 'cause there's nothing to do. I've
been in and out of jail, and now Fm thinking about this
buUshhhh. I stay in my room thinking about all the stuff
I could be doing. But at the same time, I would've have
been up to no good.

I would've been kickin it on the block with the homies.
Yeah, I do want to do that, because that's what I do. This
time I'm gonna be smart about my shhh. I'm going to do
my program and get out of probation. After that I'ma do
what I do best and go back to the block.

-Weasel L

From The Beat: We hope that by the time you finish your program and
are off probation, you will see that there's no way to go back to the
block and "be smart..." By then, we hope you'll see that the block is a
ticket to places like this, or worse. We pray that you see it before you
experience it first hand...

ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff

//////

Wkat Mikes Me Siile

^' f

What makes me smile is my goons. They just do because
when no one else is there, they is no matter what,
especially my favorite brother Nana. I miss dat child to
death. When he's out here, we're together every day.

Also, I always make myself smile. I always smile at the
haters. I smile when good things happen to me. I smile
when I see Beamer (ha ha). I really do though. I know he
smile when he see me, a big smile (ha ha). I will smile big
when I get out of here. I'm waitin' on my mama to come
get me.

-Kamay

Form The Beat: We'll smile ivhen you get out of here, too. And we'll
smile even more if you find a way to stay out of here!

\

tie I

DCS I

Seeing My Son Makes Me Smile

What makes me smile is when I see my son. When he
cries, smiles, laughs, crawls — the simple things he does
makes me smile. And when he goes to me and I pick him
up when I get home.

-Young Drew

From The Beat: By bringing a son into the world, you made a kind of
promise that you would be there for him. That's what fathers do. it's
easy to see how he could put a smile on your face. What do you plan to
do (and to stop doing) so that you can put a smile on his face?

My Future

\

When I get out, I want to get my brain on the right track
for the future, my kids or just for my family not to be in
the gutta. I'll like to go to Cal and play football, go pro and
make it somewhere with my life, so I don't have to keep
worrying about police or me getting shot or whatever out
there.

-Weezey

From The Beat: We like where your head is. Before you can go to Cal,
you have to finish high school with good grades. How are you doing in
that department?

My Mum Brings A Smiie

The person who makes me smile is my mom. Every time
I see her she brings a smile on my face. She just makes
me so happy every time I see her. Back then I always took
her for granted, but now I realize that she's not always
going to be there and how important she is to me. So
every time I get to spend time with her with her I'm going
to cherish every second of it. I love her so much.

-Crow

From The Beat: It's too bad it took being taken from her to realize just
how important she is to you, and just how much you owe her. Will you
be able to remember this when you're free to make your own choices
again?

Wiiat Mai(es Me Smile? Famiiy

My family makes me smile, just because they're with
me. Because when I'm with them, I forget about every bad
in my life. I play with my lil' brother and lil' sister. They
always make everything better. My beautiful mom, she
can make anything happy and joyful. Even when I'm in
jail, she makes me smile... but at the same time cry. The
love coming from them, bottom line, makes me smile.

-Arturo

From The Beat: What do you think would your beautiful mom and
siblings smile? We think having you home with them, where you belong,
would put a huge smile on al their faces — especially if you found a way
never to lose your freedom again! It sounds liice it^ time for you do to
something for them to make them smile!

Tiie Anti-Drug

The healthy habit or action that makes me feel good are
girls. All types of girls, like Latinas, white girls, Asian
girls. I try to get to know them more once I meet them
because some of the things they are interesting.

-Clavo

From The Beat: Well, at least you'll never run out of girls, so you'll
always have your chance to feel good. But what would have made this
a more interesting piece is if you had shared some of those "interesting
things" that you've learned from your girls.

F

Beino Lnci(eil up SuGi(s!

Being with my family and not between four walls makes
me happier than anything else in the whole world. I love
Mom more than the world.

-Angelo

From The Beat: You love your mom more than the world, but you let the
world lure you into activity that allowed the system to take you away
from her. Next time, show her how much you love her by sacrificing
some of what vou like to do in order to stav with her.

We Dn Time

Well, this your boy V-Guttah still in here. I ain't trippin'
that I'm in here, but the only thing that makes me in a
rush to get out is my family and my female. But other
than that, I ain't trippin' 'cause I do time, time don't do
me, you feel me.

To hell with the system! They ain't shhh! I'm way
bigger than them. They ain't got shhh on me. Shout out
to all my bruhs... And remember, we do time, time don't
do us.

-V-Guttah

From The Beat: Frankly, we don't know what you mean when you ^xy
you do time but it doesn't do you. Can you explain that to us,! Wouldn't
you be a lot better off if you chose a third alternative, which is not to
put yourself in a situation where you have to argue that you're doing
the time instead of it doing you?

My Anti-Drug

The only thing I could think of (that makes me smile)
is sex. It's healthy and good for me all-around. Being
around girls is healthy and enjoyable, but it gets better
when you're under the influence. To me it seems that I
enjoy sex better when I'm drunk or high, but it's usually
preceded and followed by using drugs. To me, that's the
best way to go.

-Birdman

From The Beat: If you u%e alcohol or drugs to enhance sex, doesn't sex
become another addiction? Do you usually care about the woman you're
with, when you make love with her? Or is getting high or drunk a
means of obliterating what you're doing, because your whole heart isn't
into this lady? What about her? How does your being partially wasted
affect her being intimate with you? Or don't you care about her?

Cliauging My Life

Yeah, right. What you think? I'm a sucka? You got
the game twisted. I'm bangin' fo' life, homie. To all the
homies gettin' locked up, changin' y'all lives, I know what
y'all going through. Y'all weak-minded— can't help but be
a sucka. I ain't got no problem, but keep the 'hood out
yo' mouth if you ain't bangin' no mo'. I always keep (my)
code.

-Menace

From The Beat: If others are trying to build another life for themselves,
why does that make them weak minded? Why don't you encourage
them? Be happy for them? Maybe they're tired of the drama, tragedy
and %skAne%% of the streets. It takes way more courage to create a new
life than just revert to the life you already know.

1

ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff

//////

My Girl Makes Me Smile

^' f

Close To Graduation

\

Someone who make me smile is my girl. When I kick
it with her, nothing don't even matter, even if I in a bad
mood. She brings my spirit up automatically. Just being
with her or talking to her on tJie phone makes me happy.
I trust her because she been there for me while the
ups and downs. She was there standing by my side when
the money wasn't there, feel me. She hold me down,
anywhere, any time. And I do the same for her, fo' real.

-Uup

From The Beat: We hope you both find ways to hold the other down
enough to keep yourselves out of jail! Freedom is precious, especially
when you have another person to share it with. Don't throw it away!

I I

Listen

What's up Beat? Well, I'm still here in this hole...
Thought I was getting out, but they was talking 'bout I
need ta do a certain amount of days. I already been here
like 75 days...

Well, I'ma just knock this down and you'll never hear
from me again. I got to see my brother today. He's hella
big now. I also found out that I am only five credits away
from graduating, but I can't graduate 'cause I need driver's
ed, and they don't got that here. So as soon s I get out, I'll
have my diploma.

Well, that's all I gotta say.

-Muslim Warrior

From The Beat: We wish you nothing but good luck. Yes, get out and
get your diploma, and watch your brother grow. We'd love to see you
again — only NOT HERE!

weapon on my waist just in case I run into dese
ninjas who be holdin' dey gone kill me. Gotta watch my
back 24/7. don't know who could be comin'.

Got a sign from God, but it was in a negative way. He
sent two ninjas ta jump me here. Ninjas laughin', but da
shhh ain't funny. I blamed God then, but now I see what
goes around comes around.

-Quan

From The Beat: What do you think a sign from God should look like' How
would you know that sign if you saw it? Is it possible you've already
got your sign, but you've chosen to ignore it? Having to live with one
eye over your shoulder 24/7 may just be the sign you %«^ you're looking
for: a big Stop Sign.

God, Lead My Way

God, lead my way each day as I fall on my knees to you,

as I pray God you lead my way.

When my mind sometimes goes black and you bless me

with the will to think, God, you lead my way.

When I am in need for some spiritual direction, you

provide to me your Godly protection.
God, you lead my way as the spiritual light shines. As
I search for the truth, you is what I will find. God, you
lead my way and treat me fair, always letting me know
you will be there.
God, lead my way, because I trust in you.
God, lead my way and allow me to be still and patient.
God, lead my way as you teach me the value of prayer.
God, you lead my way as you free me out of bondage of

darkness.

God, you lead my way as you help me see the plan you

have for my life. It is unfolding right before my eyes.

God, you lead my way when I do take the time out to

search the scripture for a better understanding of the

right way.

-Lil' Morro

From The Beat: What a beautiful prayer, if you want, why don't you
write for The Beat a story about how you came to trust God? Did you
always? What will your life be like when you're free again? Does God
guide you when you're on the outs? Do you think the lord has a purpose
for everybody's life? If so, what is God's purpose for your life? Do you
like that purpose? What do you hope your life will become? How will
you achieve it?

On Gettino Out

I just want to get out. When I get out, I'm going to stone
out. I want to go home and play games with my brother,
and go to the block with my big brother, and call my girl.
Then I'm going to get some good food from my mom.

-AC

From The Beat: Besides getting with your brother, your girl, and a good
meal, do you see yourself making ^ny changes in how you live? If not,
you should expect the same consequences for the same actions... If you
do plan to make some changes, what kind of changes would they be?

ou I

A Word With Myself

It may be easy to do good, but I choose differently. I try
to be positive, but always seem to be negative. So why do
I do what I do when I know its wrong? Because I gotta
do what I gotta do to get what I gotta get done. Simple
as that. But when I look at it, that's why I'm at where I'm
at. Jail's another word for hell. Was it really something I
had to do? No, but it was my decision and my opinions of
what I had to do, so I did it

-Fed-Up Beam

From The Beat: You begin by saying that it may be esks,^ to do good,
but we don't think that's necessarily true. We think it^ easier for you to
keep doing what you've always done (much of which isn't good) than
to change up, even when you know that change will bring you better
dividends than what your choices have delivered so far. If jail^ another
word for hell, and you believe you have no choice but to continue down
the path you've been traveling, then expect a lot more hell.

My Aufltle Afld Cooslfl Make Me Smile

What makes me smile is when I'm with my cousin
Jeanette and my Auntie Ada because they hella cool and
funny. They always put a smile on my face when I'm with
them 'cause they never put me down.

Why they make me smile is because my aunt be
taking me places with her and she be giving me money.
Every time I'm with her she makes me laugh 'cause she
be saying some hilarious stuff.

Well, I'm done. Beat. This be Youngsta coming from
Unit 6. A'ight then. Late.

-Michael

From The Beat: Is your Auntie Ada your mom's sister or your dad's? What
kinds of hilarious things does she say that make you laugh? Do you ever
make her laugh? How?

Smile

What makes me smile is knowin' that it gets the other
person mad, like sometimes these suckers be talkin', but
not actin', and when you smile or laugh at 'em, it just
get them madder. To me, that's the funniest part, knowin'
that they're gettin' mad as hell, but they still ain't gon' do
nothin'. Then they wanna get mad and start talkin' shhh,
and I just act sarcastic and be, like, "Aright" and "Swear
to God?" and they just get madder. They're just a joke to
me, wasting all that time, words, and breath for nothin'.

-Birdman

From The Beat: Laughing at someone who's trying to get to you or get
over on you is one way to deal with that person. It^ like you mirror
to him what he's trying to do to you, and puts his mess in his own
face. He'll learn not to bother messing with you again, and, hopefully,
anybody else.

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//////

To Smile

^' f

There are three things that make me smile the most.

The first thing that makes me smile is when my three
brothers and I are together. It makes me smile because
they're always running around my grandma's house and
we always do the funniest stuff.

The second thing that makes me smile is when my
grandma is proud of me. It makes me smile because I
know when I'm happy and doing good then that means
that she is happy.

The last thing that makes me smile is when I'm with
my friends. It makes me smile because I know I can relax
and be myself, because we do a lot of fun stuff. Those are
the three things that make me smile the most.

-Corina

From The Beat: And those are good things to smile about. Love of family
and of friends... very good reasons to work hard on the reasons you're
separated from them.

The Rest of Tioie

Sitting here in this cold dark room

the only thing running through my mind is how I want

to be with you

when I first laid eyes on you

I thought dang look at that cutie

I stopped looked up and thanked God for blessing me

with your beauty

as I got to know you I realized we were meant to be.

I was ready to ask you will you be mine for the rest of

the time, as the days go by.

-Dopey

From The Beat: Thoughts of loved ones often sustain people who are
loclced-up. Antoine de Saint-Exupery says that true love is not two people
gazing at each other, but two people looking in the same direction. How
might love help you stay out of here? How might you and your lady
assist you in another kind of life?

Spittifl' Aifl't Easy

Spittin' ain't easy. Always comin' with them fake old
lines. Tryin' to get at us girls for, y'all, it ain't easy. Say
the same thang we have, everyday, all day. Ain't nothing
changed. All ninjas in the Bay are the same. Tryin' to run
up 'cause she got a big butt don't phase you. All you want
to do is cut. Spittin' ain't easy these days.

-Anna

and the real thing. There's enough phony stuff in the world. But we do
have control over our choice of partners. It^ a choice we should make
carefully.

little Sister

\

The thing that makes me smile is when I look at my little
sister's picture even though I am not with her physically
but I am with her mentally and that's what puts a smile on
my face everyday even on my worst days her picture puts
a smile on my face.

-Lt

From The Beat: Relationships with siblings can often be the most
meaningful relationships. Thank you for sharing your feelings for your
little sister.

I i I I I I i I I I i i I i i I I I I i^

Tired

\

I'm tired of this place!!

I'm tired of waking up to the sound of keys.

I'm tired of going to this school that doesn't teach you

shhh.

I'm tired of this crappy food every day.

I'm tired of doing the same old shhh activity

I'm tired of being told when to shower.

I'm tired of all this bullshhh that goes on in this place.

I'm tired of me coming back to this place.

I'm tired of making my mom sad.

I'm tired of disappointing my family 'cause of my

actions.

I'm tired of being tired.

Better get my shhh straight out before I end up being

tired of my life.

-PI

From The Beat: Being tired can be a motivation. When we're our lowest,
we got no where else to go but up, right? Check out Phat Boi's piece in
the next issue: he makes the point that many of u% declare that we're
going straight, going to change, but we go back to our old ways. Why
is that? How tired do we need to be?

Trostiog Theoi

It's hella hard to trust... even friends and people you love.
Sure, hella people been hurt by them. So I had a man and
I thought he would be there for me. But I found out he
cheated and lied.. Found out by his sis. She thought
we broke up. Hella loved him. Now I don't. He screwed
up. Hopefully fools, and by fools I mean guys, and GIRLS,
don't screw around with trust. It hurts. I ain't gonna love
anybody else if the man I have fails me 'cause the second
kiss is enough for tryin'. So GIRLS and guys - don't mess
with trust.

-Jazmin

From The Beat: Have you ever betrayed a trust? We are all fallible. (If
you don't know that word, look it up.) But we agree with you on the
importance of trust. Without trust, our personal worlds would collapse.
The surest way to surround yourself with trustworthy people is to be a
trustworthy person yourself.

What makes me smile!

His Smile

Q-vole Beat. It's your girl Kristina - yep - back again. (Not
happy about that). I'm here to talk about three people
that make me smile! The first two are my son (two) and
my daughter (one). These are the two people in the world
that make me smile, no matter what. The other person
is the father of my babies. We have been together for five
years and he's been there through thick and thin. These
are three things that make me smile!

Keep ya heads up and have faith. Don't let anything
bring you down. Much love!

-Kristina

From The Beat: You belong at home, with your family. What will it take
to deal with the \%%ue% that bring you to the hall? If being separated
from the people you love most, the people who make you smile, what
will get you to straighten up? Time for some very serious reflection.

The one thing that could make me smile, under any
circumstance would be my boyfriend. The thought of him
warms my heart.

Being here and away from him is so hard.

But getting mail from him and talking on the phone
with him

makes my day all that much better.

Even when I close m y eyes I can see his face and that
makes me feel secure.

I can't wait to get out back to him.

It's been the best year I've had in a while and it's all
because he's been in my life.

- Av

From The Beat: All the reason to get out this system and live a life free
of trouble. Can you do it? How bad do you want your freedom?

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//////

Withiut toi

X f

Family of Twelve

\

Babe without you daddy's heart is always peeling.

That's why in this poem I'm confessing a feeling.

To you babe the one I care for and love.

My love for you is as beautiful as a white dove.

I know we tried it in the past and it didn't succeed.

Your heart is what I broke forever it eternally bleeds.

Now I'm trying to fix the cruel mistake of the past.

This is a new start new love that will always last.

Now I must grasp onto you and never let go

This is a love poem for you girl not a gangsta flow.

I'm confessing a true feeling I have no bull anymore

I love you baby girl.

Vanessa I hope you know that daddy's a criminal.

No matter what my love and life is subliminal.

Either I'm in or out gone away or dead.

I'll always love you unconditionally that's all I said.

When I express my love and life its hard for me to do.

'Cause I've always been told if you fall in love you're a

fool.

But I'm giving this crazy falling love try.

No more broken hearts no more tears to cry.

Don't ask me why I'm giving my love to you girl.

That's an unanswerable question I can't answer in this

world

Well my love I hope my words are soothing and healing

But t you Bam-Bam is confessing a true feeling

I love you baby girl.

-Bam Bam

From The Beat: Thanks for having the courage to love. Loving
unconditionally is truly difficult for most people: we'd prefer to control
others and guard our heart. If you break free of these things, how much
better love could be!

Smiles

1 1

I get to smile everyday. I have at least 30 people who can
make me smile. At least one person a day can make me
smile. This is why I enjoy coming to work. There's at least
one minor that can make me smile or laugh by what they
say or do. They bring me entertainment. I don't think that
I'd want another job. From one day to the next, it's never
the same. Maybe I was this way when I was younger, but I
doubt that. I think it has to do with the experiences that
they've had and been through. I guess it's pretty sad when
you think about it because for the several years that I've
been here, these kids - instead of being out enjoying life
and being a teenager - they will be here understanding
me.

-Ravings of a Madman

From The Beat: Well, we are sure they appreciate your smiles and
kindness. It seems you are doing your job well if you can relate and
smile with the people you work with. Keep up the excellent work.

My Daughter's Picture

What makes me smile well the thing that makes me
smile the most is when I'm in my room and I look at my
daughter's picture. I mean I can't wait 'till I get out and
look at her and hold her and kiss her some and something
else that makes me smile is my lady I mean by now she's
mad because I'm here and she needs me out there right
now but once I get out I have to do wat I have to do and be
with my family. Well I got to go for now, 'till next time.

-G

From The Beat: Supporting our family can be the greatest drive. Too
many people behind bars wish they could be better parents and be there
for their kids. Wonder what a lifer would have to %wy about his early
days and what he would have done differently.

I thi

What makes me smile is everything to me. I've got twelve
brothers and sisters, and five sisters, and seven brothers.
I love my family, because that I miss them. Being locked
up in this place is a beech my family makes me happy.
That's all I got.

-Family Guy

From The Beat: The love you feel for your family is not shared by all. Not
everyone has a family to miss, or cares to miss their family. What do you
think it means for your family when you're gone?

FF

What Makes Me Smile

Well what's up Beat? Today I am going to talk about what
makes me smile. The thing that makes me smile is when
I make my mom proud. As you can see I am not making
my mom proud, but don't trip about it Beat because this
time when I come out I am going to do my best to stay out
of this place. Because I have been doing some thinking
and let's put it this way I can't be a chef if I don't stay out
of this place, right?

Plus that's when I know my mom will be proud of me
if she can finally trust her own boy, que-no? Well Beat I
guess this is it, alrato, for now.

-PI

From The Beat: Doing noble things, like making your mom proud, is a
profound reason for smiling. What if we flip this though: ivhat if you
smile sk% a cause instead of stn effect? How much more profound could
that be?

lid I

imiiiMiiiiikii'iFiini'mfNTii

Distractions are everywhere we go.

Beautiful women no matter where.

There all so nice, I can't help but stare.

I get a big smile just to see their face.

To see them smile makes me joyful.

When they fling their hair, it's like whooo!

I get breathless and I just smile.

-Nacho

From The Beat: It^ great to hear that you treasure women so much. Your
writing is a fun description of the way women can make a person feel.

Swim

It's Dla still up in the hall within nothing to do but write
in The Beat Within. I like to talk about my favorite hobby
and it's swimming I like to go to the Lakewood Swimming
Pool and do some laps. I was going to be a lifeguard but I
got locked-up. I'm probably a little rusty on it, but when I
get out I am going to start it up again.

-Dla

From The Beat: Being a lifeguard is a unique trait and one of which
to be proud. When you get out, this could be your ticket to a different
lifestyle... what do you think?

Haters

There's haters everywhere

but me and my squad don't care.

We think it's good when the haters wanna stare.

We walk by. We say hi.

They probably sayin' them broads tie die.

We colorful and we don't care.

We throw our fingers in the air.

We nice and all, but don't mess.

That's real.

-Lil' S

From The Beat: Stay nice. Don't hate back. Keep walkin' on by.

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//// //

Wkat Mikes Me Siile

X f

The things that makes me smile is being with my family.
Also chilling with my boys and home girls and having a
good time, like drinking a 40, partying all night 'till I can't |
stand no more.

Also, showing my lil' cousins' the right way to go. And
buy them stuff and take them out. Even seeing my mom
and dad together, that's what makes me smile.

-Matthew I

From The Beat: Those are all things to smile about. We're glad to hear I
that you've got love for your family and especially for your little cousins.
We hope that you also show yourself the right way and stay outta places
like these - because that's best way to show them what to do.

What Makes Me Smile: My Lady's Cute Laugh

What's up Beat what it do? I'm just here writing today's
topic "What makes me smile." What makes me smile?
Well my lady makes me smile. She's the only person that
makes me smile when I think of her. The reason why she
makes me smile is that when I think about her laugh she
has a cute laugh. Will that's what makes me smile will got
to cut this short later.

-Marco

From The Beat: Sounds like you miss you miss yo' girl Marco. Why you
in here? You have a girl that's missing you right now. Why would you
vnsknnsk be in here with all those dudes. Wouldn't you rather be with your
girl? And can you try to remember this feeling next time you're out and
you get tempted to mess up?

The Anti-Drug

, My Anti-Drug

I really like to smoke weed, but one thing that always
made me put the blunt down was boxing. Ever since I was
15, boxing really interested me. I found something in it
that weed can't satisfy.

The thrill of fighting: feeling the blood running
through your veins, feeling the sweat run down my face,
and that feeling you get of accomplishment when those
three minutes are up. Boxing really drove me for a while. I
had a dream to become one of the best in the world, but I
ended up smoking more and more and I drifted away from
my boxing.

If I could, I would box again but right now there's too
much other shhh I'm trippin on. But boxing will always
be my anti-drug.

-Tony

From The Beat: Boxing is a great sport and even with all "the shhh" you
are tripping off of, you can go back to it. Maybe it will help you clear
your head and get focused.

FF

My anti-drug is being with my family and just messing
around, playing with my baby brother, talking to my
step-dad, going to my homies house and playing PS2
or computer games or me and my homie goes to the
Japanese Garden and watch the koi fish, because it's a
relaxing place over there. Those are my anti-drugs.

Also, something that makes me smile everyday is
knowing that my baby brother is going to learn how to
walk soon, and that when I get out I'm gonna play with
his little ass. Ha ha!

I can't wait to get released and see my family.
Everytime I think about all the things I'm going do in the
outs, it makes me smile a lot. Alright peace. Beat!

-Buddah

From The Beat: You have a great list of anti-drugs, especially just chilling
in a relaxing place like the Japanese garden. Don't forget this great list
" ave nothing to do.

Piacement

\

What's good? Me just waitin' for placement I've been
waitin' for hella long. I hope I get out next month if not I'll
write more soon.

-Pacman

From The Beat: Dear Pac man, we hope that you stay patient and soon
you'll be off to your placement. And if not keep writing u%.

M) tnti-Drig is M) Girl

\

I'm addicted to my girlfriend and the sound of her voice.
The way she sings, the look in her eyes when she knows
I have something bothering me. Just the way she smiles
is enough to make me happy. She doesn't want me doing
drugs so I don't.

No if or buts about it. As long as she is there nothing
else matters, if it makes her happy. I'm happy so why
would I need drugs. I

-Wolverine I

From The Beat: We're glad to hear that you have a great girlfriend that
doesn't want you to do drugs. She cares about you a lot and she just
wants the best for you. We hope that you get out you spend your time ■
with your girl and stay on the right path. I

What's up Beat? How's it going? I ain't feeling none of
the topics today, so I'm going to talk about my trip to the
mall.

Well, it began like this. I was sleeping - I believe it
was 7:10 am and out of nowhere I hear my name on the
speaker: "Raymond G., you a OT." I was like: 'What? He's
trippin'. So, I went back to sleep.

A minute later he opened my door and said, 'G, get up
for an OT!' I got up, not believing what I heard. So, I got up
happy and I was like: 'What? For real?' I just got up and
left.

The most embarrassing thing happened. I had to go
to the mall with shackles because I had an appointment
with the eye doctor to get some glasses. I look weird with
them, but they look cool. Anyways, on my way walking
to the glass place, I seen a lot of beautiful women, but
I was embarrassed because I was in shackles. The girls
thought that I was sexy, but at the end, I was like 'screw
it. Who cares?' So when I got escorted to the eye doctor, I
guess they where expecting me there and brought a lot of
coffee and donuts. That was the best trip I ever had.

-PlayBoy

From The Beat: Sounds like a fun day at the mall. It's interesting how
small errands become exciting when you're locked up, huh? We hope the
next time you go to the mall you'll be free of the system.

Man, the only person that makes me smile is my one
and only baby girl. When I'm with my girl she makes me
feel like I'm somebody she really cares for.

She's the one that can really put a smile on a pit bulls
face ha-ha just playing. Like this one time I was really sad
because I got into a fight with my parents, and I called
her up and told her, to stop by and that time she really
came and made me smile. She is always there for me, and
I would always be there for her too.

At least that's worth having a smile in my face. Till
next time beat.

-Chato

From The Beat: it sounds like what you have with your girl is real and
true. What happened with your parents? What kind of advice did your
girl give you? And do you usually follow her advice?

1

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//// //

My Girl Puts A Smile On My Face

Some one that puts a smile on my face is my girl. The
reason why my girl puts a smile on my face is when I
get home from handling my business or chillin' wit the
homies, it puts a smile on my face to see her and that I
made it through another day.

Something I do to put a smile on my girls face is when
she sees me or I surprise her with something good.

-David

From The Beat: How does she put a smile on your face? What kind
business do you be handling with your homies? How does your girl ~
about you being locked up? We don't think she's smiling about that,

^' f

Si(ate For Life

SKSboarding is my anti-drug.
Kick-push-kick-push-and cost.
SkSing makes me feel good about myself.
When I land a big trick and it looks clean - it makes me
feel, well, great. Landing tricks is really fun and they
takes time to master, and the great thing is it's a drug
that just gets better the longer you do it.

-P(e)tree

From The Beat: It is awesome to have stn outlet like skateboarding to
spend hours on, instead of just sitting in a room smoking and playing
video games. We hope your addiction lasts a long time.

I Like ChlGken

When I get out the first thing I am going to do is ask my
mom if we can have chicken for dinner. The chicken that
they serve here is fake as hell and it is dry. I miss my
family and my mom's cooking. When I first got locked up,
I kept thinking I would starve to death.

-Sad Guy

From The Beat: Hey Sad Guy - we hope you get released soon. That wet
and real chicken is waiting for you.

A Contagious Smile

\ I

vid {

d of I
feel I

I smile when someone makes me laugh. Yeah I love to
smoke and drink but the best feelin in the world other
than those is laughing. I have the best time when someone
can make me laugh. But all the time I can make other's
laugh. I can always say something stupid that will end up
with me almost crying cause I laughed so hard. A smile
is contagious.

I really believe that.

-Dopey Girl

From The Beat: Next time give us sin example of a time someone made
you laugh, and how you make others feel good too. As for your love to
smoke and drink, we think W% time to cut that out of your diet!

rm Back Again

What's up! Damn, I've only been out for a month and
now I'm back again. I got two new charges and a violation.
They want to send me to the ranch but whatever happens,
happens. Next time, I'ma do good for sure and put that
in action and not just in words. Well I'm in here with my
lady Estela and my best friend Melissa, and Samantha.
Well, like they say: Do the crime and now you got to do
the time.

- Bianca

From The Beat: How exactly are you going to put your change into
action? It seems like you came back quickly and you are excited to be
with your friends inside, when you should be excited to be free and
taking care of yourself.

Crackin' A Smile

\

Some thing that makes me smile is my girl and my son.
They are the two things that keep me up and going up
another day.

I wake up and think about my family and I smile.

-Peter

From The Beat: You should be cheesing when you think about your girl
and your son. We hope that you take this time in halls to realize that
you have no business on being in here. You should be out spending time
with your family, your girl, and your son.

My Niece

I My anti-drug is when I take my niece to the park. I
have to be sober to take her to the park. I can't just take
her all loaded off weed and drink. I have to have some
responsibility in life. If I did what I did messed up, what
kind of uncle would I be? A bad one and I assure you that
is what I am NOT, so make sure everybody to be sober

I around your kids.

I - D Amelio

I From The Beat: Wow, this is so sincere and such good advice - it seems
I like you are a great Uncle and that people can learn from you.

The thing that makes me smile is my family, and my
girl.

My family is big, so I got lots of love that makes me
smile.

I am just lucky to have a family that loves me. For my
girl I'm lucky to have her because she makes me smile
in many different ways. But the smile that really made so
happy is when my girl got pregnant now it sucks because
it's the fact that I'm in here.

I put my girl through so much stress, and it's not
good for her can I do? I'm in this crap hole. She lost the
baby but even though she still is my main one, she's my
wife.

-Smiler

From The Beat: You both suffered terrible stress on account of you
getting caught up in the system. And your family too. Do you think
about this now that you're locked down? Do you wonder about how
things could be different, for you, for your loved ones? We believe you
could change your life if you wanted to. Do you?

It All Makes Me Smile

Dave Chappelle makes me laugh; he's on Comedy
Central.

Yes, I like to smile, smiling make me feel better. When
I think back on it. When I was drunk and fell on my face.
When my boy got jumped I laughed, yeah I like to go to my
computer and check my e-mail. And stuff like that.

I like to read certain books. I like to go to parties
and freak dance with the girls; I like to collect CD's like
2pac, Bone Thugs, and some oldies. I like to watch T.V
when I'm heck a high. I like to go to the movies and watch
something very funny, when I'm high I would want a
combo pizza with some buffalo wings, we need some hot
links too, hell yeah!

You have to love your mom's home cooking because
if you don't then she'll beat your but and then leave you
there to starve.

-Monkey

From The Beat: Sounds like you've got that approach to life that makes
it esk%^ for you to see what^ funny, what's worth laughing at, how to
find happiness. We're down with all that, except for the getting high
part, because you know how it is. Once you are in the system, you need
to stay sharp to stay out of trouble, not "blunt".

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//// //

My Mom Makes Me Smile

X f

One thing that makes me smile the most is hanging out
with my friends and seeing my mom everyday. When I
am chillin' with my friends, we usually just mess around
and make up funny shhh and do shhh that's out of the
ordinary. When I'm hanging out with my mom, she's just
a comedian. She tells me about all the crazy stuff that
happened in her day and all the jokes she tells me about
just makes me laugh. But just being around my mom
makes me smile, because I'm always happy around her.
And that's what makes me smile. Until next time Beat,
peace.

-Shawn

From The Beat: Wow, that^ great that you and your mom have such a
good relationship and laugh and have fun. That is rare and you should
be thankful.

The People That Makes Me Smile

The people that make me smile are my two kids. No
matter what they are doing - they make me laugh and
smile. They make me smile cause when they find out a
new thing, their reaction to it is just so funny it makes me
smile. The way they smile is so cute it makes me smile.
So in conclusion my kids are my most precious thing to
me and they make me smile.

-Joker

From The Beat: it seems like you love your children very much and iwant
to see them again. While it is nice to think of them doing cute things,
what are you doing to be with them again?

Staring at These Four Walls

This is some bull crap, up in juvenile hall up in my room
just staring at these plain four walls.

One day I thought I was going home but I was wrong.
It made me real mad and sad. My P.O. had detained me
that's hella messed up. Ninjas telling me how to survive.
Do some exercise, push- ups, sit-ups etc. and other
things. Juvenile hall sucks its like hell; I'm going to do
what ever it takes for I can't return to this crap hole any
more.

-Young Cash

From The Beat: We're sorry you're so miserable, but in a way we're glad,
because it will beef up your determination to stay away. You deserve
better than to be locked up in the system, and we hope you remember
that when you are released?

Not A Lot to Smile Aboot

What's crackin' Beat? It's that sexy homeboy Gumbie
writing on what makes me smile.

Well to tell you the truth in here there's not that much
to smile about. But I smile because I'm happy, and what
makes me happy is a lot of things. Like when I see my
little sister, my brother, or my grandmother, my family
makes me smile. Or like when my P.O told me that I was
getting sent to a group home in South Lake Tahoe, and
that I'll be leaving at the end of December, or January,
that made me smile.

Well that's all the time I have so I'll write some more
next Thursday to my brothers and all the homeboys I
know. Stay up!

-Gumbie

From The Beat: It^ a trip how you started off not having stuff to smile
about, and then when you thought about it a little, all these new ideas
came up... It's like when we dig a little under the surface, we manage
to find the things that keep u% strong, no matter how bad it seems at

X

i I

l=F

M) liti Irui Is Taiiini

\

What's good Beat, I'm gonna tell you about my anti- drug.
My anti drug is tagging. I can go cut and forget about
everything and just go put up my work on the wall.

It's a bigger rush then doing any drug. Tagging I can
express myself and show people a part of myself cause
everything I put up is a peace of my soul.

-Big Worm

From The Beat: But the price of your freedom is too high to pay: Tagging
on other peopled property is illegal. That doesn't mean that you have
to stop tagging - you've got the art and the urge to paint in your blood
and your soul. But you can get involved in your community and help
put up murals, teach the little kids how to paint. There are a lot of jobs
for artists with good skills.

Wislil Could Be With My Family

What's up Beat, it's your homie Sensitive, I'm just here
writing today's topic. What makes me smile is my family
and ex-lady they make me smile when I think of them
they bring a smile to my face. I just wish I could be with
them. Well, gots to cut this short. Alrato.

-Sensitive

From The Beat: You can make your own wish come true. Stop ivishing
and handle your business so you won't have to be coming back to these
halls. Then you can be with your family and maybe you can get back
wfith your lady.

Smiles

Some days don't take much to make me smile. I'll be
kickin' it with my homeboys drinking, kicking back,
rapping and talking about shit that's going on. It takes
away my worries. I ain't gotta trip off nothing. I love it.
The cloudy days ... man, those get to me sometimes. It's
hard to smile but I laugh and grin when I'm around the
right people. My brothers just bump my day up a notch,
or get some females and get shhh crackin'. These are
some things that make this kid smile.

-Frankie

From The Beat: This is a great snapshot of who you are, the friends,
cloudy days, your brothers - thanks for sharing who you are. It seems
like too many people put walls up, so thanks for lowering yours a little

No Drama Makes Me Smile

The things that make me smile is when I'm at home and
when the family is gathered and everyone is having a good
time. Also when there is no drama in the house. That's
what makes me smile.

-Sunny

From The Beat: It sure is nice when there is no drama in the house and
everyone in the house is feeling good.

Memories to Make Me Smile

Let me tell you about something that makes me smile,
mainly my family. Nah mean? Being in here is a real
stressful time. And I think every one in here can relate.

But when I think about playing arm wrestling with
my niece, or bloody knuckles with pearly white. Not just
that you know? I got to give it up to my main squeeze
Stephanie, we have this thing that when we start kissing
that we always play fight crap like that, ha-ha . . .I'm already
missing it.

-C-Safe

From The Beat: Thanks for sharing these memories, they made u% smile
too. It's funny how there's a little roughness in even these memories,
like play-fighting is just a part of life. Why do you think that is? Is it
because of the real roughness in the world outside?

R

H

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//// //

Food aod The Beat

X f

rm writing about what makes me smile. What makes me
smile is when I get food, also when I read the beat within.
Because it amuses me and I laugh at that crap.

-J/Loe

From The Beat: Food for the body, food for the soul! We're glad we could
give you a laugh or too, and hopefully more than just a laugh...

Well beat it's the one and only peanut, but I would like
to let you all know who makes me smile. It's my hyna
...she is always on my mind 24/7, and that might seem
impossible but its not.

And even in my dream, and even when I'm not
dreaming, it's hard to be thinking about the good. I try to
do my best but stress continues to call on me I wish the
smile could last forever but that's only in my pictures and
memory. But when she's on my mind the smiles are there
with happiness, and a mixture of sadness because she's
not at my reach.

When I need her at my most hard times that special
girl is Amanda. But she is the creator that appears on this
gangsters face. Well Beat, the special one is always going
to be mine and that is going to be realness.

And until the day we both smile when we're near each
other, I'll be sure to let you know, the details, of smiles
and love at the same time when the time comes.

Well Beat got to go for now. And to all in this place
be cool and stay maintaining to see a better days that are
soon to come.

-Peanut

From The Beat: We feel the love here, and the respect that you have
for your girl, but if you really love her, you need to give her the best:
A free man. A man who isn't in jail or enslaved by a gang and violence
mentality. Can you love her sk% she deserves if you're still clinging to this
gangster insanity?

The Homie In The Hall Makes Me Smile

What makes me smile is when I wake up in the morning
to Birdy serving trays to us. I wake up mad as hell, then
I see his face. Then I'm good again. He looks just like a
bird.

-Polar Bear

From The Beat: We're glad to hear that you and your homie like cheering

you get out that is if you can handle freedom.

My One And Only

Something that make me smile is the memories that
I had with my girl. One memory I always think of that
brings a smile to my face is when I got with my girl. I
was at the mall with her as "friends." As we were walking
outside, I notice she was cold I lend her my jacket and I
she saw that she didn't expect it but she chose to wear
it. Later on I got cold myself and we started hugging each
other. I couldn't believe it but she held on me tighter than
I expected. After a bit of silent we looked at each other
and I looked in her eyes and she smiled at me and I smiled
back. She told me how she felt and I told her how I felt
and I asked her if she'd like to be my girl. She smiled and
said, "Of course." Then I kissed her and held her tight.

-Roc

From The Beat: Actions speak louder than words. You could be kissing
your girl right now, instead of daydreaming j

Appealed My Sentencing

\

I had sentencing on Dec 5. I went with two staff and this
girl to court. She was cool. I was just hella thinking that
they were going to send me to the ranch. I was chopping
it up with that girl for a cool min. she put some smiles on
my face, she was really funny.

I But when I went to the courtroom. These people were

over-stating things out. I was trying hard not to laugh.
They gave me a sentence I didn't want, so I appealed it. So
I will see what happens next.

-Victor

From The Beat: We'll keep our fingers crossed for you. Do you have good
feelings about your lawyer's abilities? We hope so, but mostly we hope I
you get that release and never come back! I

Smllino

I'm smiling when I shouldn't,

I smiled thinking I was going home, but I couldn't.

Putting lyrics on a simple page that I wouldn't yelled at

my mom,

I would of rather smiled

I was hella yelling and scaring all the little child's.

Yeah I got somewhat wild.

Now I'm locked up I think for a little while. I'm keeping

in my head up though.

But I have to go. Peace people!

-Big-Keno

From The Beat: Great flow. Keep them coming, and yes, keep that head
up!

If You Want This Fame

Man I'm a boss on these streets

Catch me on block with the heat tucked away in my

jeans

All my life all I wanted was to be a young "G"

Now I'm messin' with connects that'll front me a whole

key 'cause of my status

_ _id when it comes to pockets ours is the fattest

And when it comes to weight the triple beam is correct

The fiend's gone' smoke until their last breath

When I'm on the block the knocks know I got the rock

tucked away in my sock

So I don't get caught

Up and down the streets bustin' these low life's

So I can re-up on my precious white

My brother cook's it just right, standin' over the stove

all freakin' night

Watchin' the fiends come and go all day

It don't matter to me 'cause I'm getting paid

Never blame anyone for the choices I made

I blame myself for learnin' the hard way

Don't have a role model so I turned to the streets

October first my mom almost buried me six feet deep

It's amazing you can take the thug out the streets but

can't take the streets out the thug

And the only way out the game is with a slug in your

brain

So it's your decision if you want this fame...

-Cdv

From The Beat: Do you want the street fame/ You ain't the only one in
the streets man/ You ain't the only one bustin' knocks and glocks so
peep game/ most people that^ famous in the streets get buried/ Ain't
no career in drug dealing most people get caught in a hurry/ how many
successful drug dealers do you know that's on the block still/ two ways
out 1 . You might catch a hot one or 2. The DA'll throw you a hot deal/
Once you hit the pen ain't no more hot meals/ the fame ain't nothing,
and the game ain't nothing/ It's up to you if you ^NSknnsk live or die, 'cause
you could be something.

k^^^iMi'UiMifE MSWMMmiE.^ / j! ^ j!

You Make Me Smile

When I hear your voice I smile

When I see your face I smile

When I kiss you I smile

I smile when I'm wit' you

'Cause I'm happy to have a lady as good as you.

-Sneaks

From The Beat: Now, if you have such a wonderful lady then why are
you here? Think about what you're doing? Your lady doesn't want you
here and neither do we.

■ ■ ■ ■

My Special Place An Anti-Druo

One of the things I like to do besides drugs is to kick it
at my special place. I like it cause no one knows about
it, so I can just chill there by myself and not trip about
getting run up on or anything like that. When I'm there I
just think about whatever pops up and watch the world
past me by. When I'm there its usually pretty quiet there's
not that much people around. That's how I like it nice and
peaceful.

At night its cool too you can look at the city lights. I
know I'm not supposed to write about something beside
drugs, but sometimes me and my friends just chill there
and do drugs. Like just drink liquor and just chill, one
time my friend was high and pretended to be swimming in
the grass, and one time me and my friends strip down in
our boxers and jump in the lake we weren't on drugs that
time though.

-Xnotoriousviet

From The Beat: We're not gonna be the ones to tell you not to drink or
to u%e drugs. We'll let your PO tell you all that stuff. We're glad to hear
that you have a special place where you can just go to, whenever you
feel like things are bothering you or you just need to chill. Just think
about what got you locked up. If it did have something to do with liquor
and drugs though you have to think about what's more important, your
freedom or the drugs and liquor. Be smart!

Famllji Is The Drug

My anti-drug is my family and my girlfriend. They're the
ones who lecture me when I'm lost in the hood. When
I'm holding a .45 cal ready to shoot but hear their voice
saying. "What the ...?" They're the ones who I would
truly love because even though I'm behind bars. They're
the one whose names are on the envelope when it slides
under my door.

-Ly

From The Beat: That's a very positive anti-drug. We glad to hear that
your family and girl support you and have yo' back, but what happened
to put you in jail? Obviously you weren't thinking of them them. Those
people that write you are the ones that really care about you and don't
^^nn^ see you end up going down the wrong path. You have some
decisions to make and some very serious ones too. You really have to
think about your life, your family, and your girl, next time you decide
to hold anything. Life behind bars ain't no joke, and neither is sleeping
with the worms.

What Makes Me Smile

What Makes me smile is seeing my mom happy. Seeing
my dad come home and making a priceless face. Seeing
my brother come home smiling saying my name when
I wait outside for him. Seeing my older brother laugh
when it's needed. Seeing my girlfriend's beautiful face.
The tender unique smile that can cure thousands of sick
people. Seeing my best friend at my court. My homies, the
people I care about. What makes me smile you say?! The
ones I love which makes me smile every single day.

-Ly

From The Beat: That's something good to smile about. You have a lot
of positive things going for you. Why are you here? You should be out
smiling with your brother, family, friends, and girlfriend.

Out The Heart

Death little homie it stays on my mind

Lord take me please to my final destiny

And when I'm six feet deep please let me rest in peace

My eyes so blinded I can't even see

So many tears so much pain

Please let the rain wash it away

The things I've been through and done

You'll have to weigh by the ton

But Lord please hurry it up the devils taken my soul

And the hood has made me so bold that my heai

stone cold

Now mija please don't cry, till you your daddies been

liven a lie

Only thing I've conquered in life were the fears I used to

hide

Now when I look to the sky

All I see is my wasted years fly by

Now take a deep look in my eyes

You'll see death in the flesh

Tried to search for love in my heart but I guess there's

nothing left

Taught by the best of the best

Shift started at sunrise and didn't end 'till it set

And the only thing that came off the stove were them

angels of death

Used to walk the block with a vest

Grew up so quick that my childhood makes me sick

Mama tried so hard to raise me right but couldn't keep

me out the night

Got so deep in this game all there is left are the flames

And every time that I dream I see these demons chasing

after me

Lord are you hearing my prayers

'Cause at times I feel like nobody cares

And even though we talk every night I can't help but

sleep on their life

And the day that I die will you condemn me with an

afterlife?

-Kastro, Santa Clara

From The Beat: This great piece of writing really reflects on your
thoughts and feelings. We hope that you don't feel like you don't have
anyone on your side. We can understand what you're going through.
Some of us go through a lot of trials and tribulations in our life and it
takes its toll on u%. But remember,you still have your whole life ahead of
you. You can change the way your living. There are so many things that
you have to endure in life and you have to be strong. Only the strong
survive, life isn't fair.

r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////

//// //

Love

There's a part of me

That wants us to be

Just the way we are

For we don't mess things up

But it's killing me

'Cause the rest of me

Wants to feel your body baby

I want to tear it up

And do some thing naughty with you

I'll do some things to you

That no one else could do

'Cause maybe I'm the one

To make you feel real good

Being friends is coo

But now it's time that I

Start making love to you

You're like the only one

That brings a smile to my face

With out you by my side

I'll be lost and so confused

You the feelings that I have for you

Are so true

You brighten up my days

When I was down and so blue

I was there when you need me

I was there by your side, through your hardest times

You're my Pinay Queen and, I'm your king

You're my girl, and you're my everything.

-Ace

From The Beat: Sounds like you have very deep feelings for your
girlfriend. This poem is very well written, but maybe next time you can
share this kind of work directly with your girl. That vta^ she knows
exactly how you're feeling.

My Homie Makes Me Smile

\

I wake up to my Polar Bear every morning as I hand him
his tray. Chili in his room but forget it I feel like I'm in an
igloo! This homeboy makes me smile.

-Birdie

From The Beat: Well, think about iwarm thoughts and you might get
We're glad to hear that you and your friend cheer each other

^^

I I I I I I I I I

Ji

My Favorite Food is Everytliiflo

I think I don't have any other favorite foods. I would eat
any thing as long as it taste good feel me? I like any kind
of food, but not Indian food. It smells weird at it looks
weird. That why I don't eat it.

Well one of my favorite places to eat is Bo-town it's in
down town. Man I can't wait to get out that's the very first
place that I'm going for And I also suggest that you try it
out peace!

-Hungry

From The Beat: We'll give it a taste, but in return, you've got to try a
Chicken Korma with extra Hs^n and Laasi. That^ some Indian food that
will change your mind forever, and make you a fan!!!

\\\

Smiie For Me

Baby the way you smile

It makes me feel all so wild

I love it when you say my name

You love me even though I'm in a gang

Through ups and downs, thick and thin

The love we make over and over again

You always make me smile when I'm down

You turn my frown up side down

I want you to be the lady next to me, when I sleep

I love you baby, want you to have my child

Damn baby girl, the way you make smile

-In love

From the Beat: You should really send this poem to your girl. She would
really love it. Why are you wasting your time in Juvenile Hall when
you have a great girl on the outs? Take care of you and hold off on the
child!!

My Anti-drogs

The things that keep my mind off smoking weed is,
weight lifting and women.

Even though I like to smoke weed and lift weights and
talk to women, I can't do that at J. Hall. Being stuck here
in J. Hall made me stop wanting to smoke weed, since
I'm in here for weed. My addiction for women is so strong
that I'm quitting weed and I'm never coming back here
again. I'ma keep lifting weights, keeping getting big and
keep talking to new women when I get out of here and
never come back.

-Matt

From the Beat: If weed is what's holding you back from your freedom
than please quit it. You already know it^ not worth it being locked up in
Juvenile hall. Keep doing your thing like lifting iveights when you get
out and when you get off probation do whatever you want.

in I

iJ

See You Smile

For me you were always there
You loved me, respect me and always care

When we both go to trial

Freedom for me, what makes you smile?

Stay a couple months make you cry

Feeling pain, like you cant reply

I'm sorry for all the lies

When I was a child

I love to see you smile

You were always calm

I will always love you mom

-Sok

From The Beat: We can understand your feelings. Next time your mom
comes to visit you, you should show her what you wrote about her. And
let her know how much you love her.

Mif favorite food Is Carl's Ir,
WheM I get out that's the vert/
first place I'm going, Carl's Ir
hotfl i

Cari's Jr

My favorite food is Carl's Jr. When I get out that's the
very first place I'm going. Carl's Jr. boy! I want some soda
more than anything. They should really have some soda
at the hall. Another one of my favorite places to eat is
Dairy Bell; they have some really good food there. They
should have some better food at the hall.

-Chaves

we hope you eat more than fast food out there too! It's all chemicals and
fat and, have you ever noticed that after you eat a bunch of Carl's Jr.
you feel sick? There's a reason for that!

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ mMMi/m

^mammmmmEm ^/^/ ^^

My Girlfriend's Tone

X

What makes me smile is hearing my girlfriend's tone
When my girl accepts my collect call and I hear her on

the phone
We might not talk for long, but it puts a smile on my

face
I just wish I can grab her and put my hands around her

waist

Even though a smile's enough

I wish we could do other stuff

But her mom blocked my calls

No more smiles in the halls

-Sneaky

From The Beat: Is your girlfriend's mom afraid that you could become a
bad influence on her, that you'll pull her into your mess? Those collect
calls can be way expensive, so who's paying for them? Her mother?
When you're free again, what can you do to show her mom that she can
trust you? How does your girlfriend respond to you messing up, getting
arrested and ending up in juvy? What does she encourage in you? What
kind of skn influence are you on her?

rm Going To Jomp in My Bed

Ten days in the halls
It was hell, but I did them all

Can't wait 'til I get out

I'm going to jump in my bed

It feels like a cloud

Unlike these hard things

I can't wait 'til I get to eat

My mom's home-cooked meals

I'm not coming back in here

Wearing other people' clothes

I'm out of here on Sunday

-Almost free

From The Beat: Sounds good, and that you've learned that you don't
want to go back to juvy. Maybe, when you're back home, you should
cook your mom a fabulous meal, to show her how much you appreciate i
her and all her homemade cooking. I

My Weal(ness

\

Tell you the truth, I'm addicted to women.

It's like Superman and kryptonite

—girls are my weakness.

-Derrell

From The Beat: Okay, that^ real! Why don't you write for The Beat what
special qualities your favorite girls possess, that appeal to you so much?
Or do you like all ladies?

LJ.

1

Ji

av A

Being Away frnm Peopie i Love

Oh, my God. I seriously can't stand being away from my
baby boy. It has been about two weeks since I last saw
him and I can't stop talking 'bout him. Every day I cry
and cry, because he is the most greatest, most wonderful
thing that has happened to me ever.

Also, being away from my cousins and my uncles and
some of my friends. Being in the halls is really, really
scary, because I barely know anybody. You're in a cold,
small room and you have to sleep on a hella uncomfortable
bed.

Man, I miss hella people and now I won't be able to
talk to them until I get out of this hellhole. Hopefully I
will get to talk to my boy soon, and I will soon be able to
see him, because if I ain't, I will go really crazy, which I
really don't wanna do. LOL.

Wow! Once I get out of this place, I will see so many
people that I love so much. So, yeah, life is hard, but we
all get through it.

-Angel Baby

From The Beat: How is having a baby son influencing all your priorities?
Often, when a teenager has a baby, the newborn either scares the
parents with their huge new responsibility and they mess up and even
lose custody, or the parents realize what really means the most to them
now and they work their lives around the baby, because that the little
baby is helpless without them. Where are you in all this? Who is taking
care of your child without you? What will you change about your life,
when you're free again, to make sure you won't endanger your life with
your son?

ot Me Restitution

One time I went into court with the knowledge that I
was probably going to get in trouble for a dirty UA (urine
analysis.) I made some homemade gnocci for the judge
and the whole drug court team, and I ended up getting
home restriction instead of going to the halls.

-Mark

From The Beat: You must be ^n amazing homemade gnocci cook. We've
ncyiet heard of anybody incarcerated cooking for the judge and entire

skills. What special ingredients did you usel Maybe you should have
cooked some fabulous \sk%sk^nsk for the judge in this case!

FF

Being \n\ In Tiie Haiis

Man, being back in the halls is just shhh. Also, you can't
have fun with your friends at the mall — got to stay in your
rooms for many hours. Man, I just want to go home so
bad. I can't wait to be back with my family and with my
guy.

-Lonely Girl

From The Beat: That sounds reasonable and normal. Maybe you've
^__ _. ^__.,^ ^ ^_ ._., -^ juvy ever again, no matter

I Am A iHan

I am doing the right thing by not smoking. I had to get
out of the smoking thing. I got bad at doing it, but I know
I am a man, but my dad said I am not a man, but I got the
proof. My dad's wrong.

But my mom know I am a man, but my dad say I am a
lil' boy, but I know I am not. I got to be a man. I got to be
a man. If I don't, I guess my dad was right. I am a man. I
don't care what my dad say.

-Almost grown

From The Beat: Some fathers try to encourage their sons to become men
by challenging them, and that can be humiliating to the boy. Sometimes
the fathers sincerely mean well; other times they are completing
with their own sons and try to hurt them by dissing them. When you
write about trying to quit smoking, do you mean cigarettes or weed?
Regardless, quitting either is a good idea, and you can do it. Just know
it's really hurting your health. But whether you succeed in stopping
smoking or not, your manhood will not be affected.

Cnmpeiied By jirades In Sciinoi

I like to do well in school. When I see that "A" on a test,
I cannot help but need more. I will not stop. Grades are
everything. I know that there's money, money that cannot
be taken from me. It's permanent. I keep slipping. It is
uncontrollable at times, but then I realize it's my game
and my life, and that I am unstoppable if I put my mind to
my ambitions. I do well in math, history, English, but not
PE, art, ceramics. Maybe it's me.

-Kevin

From The Beat: It^ great that you're getting terrific grades in most
of your classes, but what are you really learning that you consider
fascinating? Useful? If there were no grades, what would you pursue just
because you love learning it? How do you equate grades with money?
Do you ever create anything— a song, a poem, ^n invention, that doesn't
exist until you dream it up? Sometimes in life, those who are the most
creative end up earning the most money and have the most fun finding
out what they're capable of and watching their imaginations turn into
real products.

.-/rA/V#>^V mufwmMMj^i

fjffff //

She Go!

Hazel eyes and silk shoulder-length hair

Everywhere we go, I know every ninja stare

Womp woo woomp; her hips sway like grass blades

Every day she get a A; something like class grades

She don't know I want her, but I got at her like that

Super PHAT— defined as super phat

She dress just right, all the time it seem like

She on top of her shhh. I call her Queen Right

-Mainey

From The Beat: How does she feel about you? Does she think you're all
that? What is her personality like? Is she nice to people? To you? Is she
kind? Funny? Bright? How does she influence you to be?

A Police Magnet May Be Inside My Si(uil \ [

When I get out of juvenile hall or county jail or wherever
I am in custody at the time, I know exactly what I am
going to do. I am going to the Roast Haus and I'm getting
the turkey sandwich special with the stuffing, turkey,
Cheddar cheese, cranberry sauce and a bowl of gravy to
dip it in, and a side of macaroni and cheese.

Then I'm going next door to Jamba Juice to get a berry
lime sublime smoothie.

Then that night I am going to call up a Coast Guard
recruiter and find out how to enlist in the Coast Guard as
soon as I can.

I am tired of being in trouble for stupid shhh. It seems
like the police have a magnet placed on the inside of my
scull that is attached to their squad cars. I just need to
get out of this life ASAP.

-Mark

From The Beat: You really know what you want to do for your future! But
of course you know that the police wouldn't even be paying attention
to you if you weren't in some kind of mess, right? They're not reading
your thoughts, but are you into something that csiu%e% your conscience
to emanate vibes that say, "Ought oh, I'm really messing up right now,
please don't catch me, police!" and the police can feel them? So if you
stop doing whatever that is, don't you think the police would leave you
alone? You could still join the Coast Guard if you want to, but you could
also consider all kinds of local jobs that might be fun, keep you out of
trouble, and earn you some cash.

I'm Peace

N

When Fm peace, I don't care about anything — who you
are, where you come from. I'm never scared.

-Jimmy

From The Beat: You seem like you have a calm soul. When are you at
peace?

I i li

I i li

I i 11

h

In Springtime I Sprout \\\i A Flower

I love stars

They my favorite shape

I'm like a jungle money

Tryin' to escape

I'm money hungry

Shame to fate

Love when Grams

Makes me some steak

I'm leaving Friday at eight

What am I going to do when I get out?

I'm going to sprout

Over rain, like a shower

With positive things

I'm just like a flower

Who sprouts in the spring

- Baby Pebbles

From The Beat: hope you're sprouting like you've written in your poem,
and that your Grammy has fed you well. Since you write that you're
money hungry, are you looking for a job? Maybe skn aftei^school part-
time job and/or one on the weekends.

rm No Hater

I was just thinking about haters. I came to realize that
no matter what you do or who you are in life, you are
always going to come across people that hate, for whatever
reason.

If you ask me if I hate haters, my answer would
be, "No," because that would make me a hater, myself,
anyways.

I have come across people in my life that hate on me
for whatever reason, but the way I see it is they are doing
me a favor, because it's those haters that strive me to do
better, and while I rise, I watch them crumble in their
own misery while they spend so much time and energy on
something that they so-called hate. Damn, that's funny,
because while you thinkin' about how much you hate me,
I'm not even trippin' off of you, because I'm beyond all
that buUshhh.

This is dedicated to all you haters— go on and hate,
'cause I still love ya.

-Frisco

From The Beat: You've already discovered the answer to how to handle
haters. Just ignore them. Oftentimes they'll watch you and soon realize
that there's no reason to hate you, that there's nothing to fear from you,
and they'll end up liking you. Jealousy can cause a whole lot of hate,
unfortunately. If you can be friendly to those who start out hating on
you, you might end up with a whole lot of good friends.

My Yummy Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger

When I get out I want to eat at Jack-In-The-Crack,
because it's good and I live down the street from it. I
would probably order the Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger,
curly fries, and a soda.

-Lonely Girl

From The Beat: Sounds fabulous and yummy! Worth staying free for!

n

-/rA/V#>^V

//// //

Death

X f

life

\

what comes to my mind when I hear the word death.

Just do yo' thang

get yo' money by any means necessary

don't ever let know body screw you over.

That's how I look at it

if It's yo' time to go then It's yo' time to go

God took you for a reason

I really don't think about death

It's just when It's my time It's my time man.

But when one of my homies die, man,

which really don't happened

'cause we don't slip

but when one of my homies die I feel bad

but my homies knew when it was gon' come

all my homies did the' thang, you feel?

but when my homies die we just we do what we gotta do

and don't talk, man just like that.

And my ninjas still living wit me

-Ice

From The Beat : You're saying if someone is iciiied violently that person
is God? Please. God didn't take you, a hater took you, and that hater
needs to be put aw9Y, 'cause no one deserves that power, no one -you,
your homies or your rivals.

The person I love most is my mom' because she's always
been there for me. No matter what the situation is she's
always helped me out. Even if it means that she's has to
come pick me up from the police station very early in the
morning.

Even though I haven't been home for many months,
she still loves me and tells me that she's waiting for me
to get home.

Also because if it wasn't for her I would have never
been born.

-Jo

From The Beat: Regardless, most mothers will love their child regardless
of what he or she has done. We hope by the time you get home, you will
do your part to make yourself and her proud. Step your game up!

I valve my and my newborn son's life, because if it was
not for me he would not be here and if it was not for my
son I would be like, "forget this program and probation."

Holding my newborn baby made me look at life a
whole new way.

If I had a fresh start I would take back all the screwed
up shhh I done to others. My life would be full wit' positive
things.

I would risk my life for my family especially for my
son because they are my love ones. I most love my son
because that is me. One person I loved was my baby mama
that turnd out good 'cause we got a son together.

-Marcus

From The Beat: You need to get home to be with your child, your son.
He needs you as does your baby's mother. What are your plans upon
returning home?

Life Or Death

If I would get a tattoo of life or death it would be of the
grim reaper with a dove in it's hand setting it free.

-Jacob

From The Beat: Tell us the story behind the reaper setting the dove
free!

Death

No Title

Death!!

I been there

almost witnessed that

but yeah it's ugly for ninja now

that had me down for a minute but now I'm back

holding down the turf.

Ain't gone let that happen again

I'm just gone sit back and do rthe rest of my time

get out and thug it out 'till death.

-Jigg

From The Beat: Fulfill your placement, then blow your probation and
either end up back in jail or worse, si; "

Sure your family is proud. Wouldn't they rather hear that you are doing
big tings with your life, like getting a job and going to school?

Death is something not to be scared of

To me death means rebirth

when death comes someone is being born

but some people have no regards for life

Some people go by that saying.

Your born to die

so some people go on with out caring about life.

But really your born for a purpose

so that you would be remember

So like I said, death is something not to be

Scared of.

-Stunna

From The Beat: It's hard not to be scared. Most of us are afraid of the
unknown. How have you become unafraid of death?

a^^^^M

^mammmmmEm ^/^/ ^'

Life

Police always messing with my life.

Don't stop when they come around we still shootin dice.

When they hop out, I'm running for my life

I aint goin' out like that,

hit the cuts grab the gun and shoot the' lights out

-Young Mee

From The Beat: This is the most ridiculous thing we heard stny one say.
So the cops come and you run to grad a gun? Waice up and get out of
your fantasy world. Get busy doing something productive with your
life!!

Death

Death is I

I is death

Death I'm

By being at life

Death I'm living

Day by day

In this cool world

By been trapped

Life is bad

But what matters

If I'm death.

The day I leave

I'm a live,

I'm a brief,

I believe

When I leave!

But being here happy

Got me dead

-Lavelle

From The Beat: Why are you death? And iwhy is death you living? Hoiw
caqn your life be life and not death? What must occur for you to see
that life is about living?

_/77'-^

M) Ine anl Oil)

\

My one and only loves me...

My one and only is my everything. . .

She's my wifey. . . She's all I got. . .

She's always there... She only

Cares... when I'm down... She's

Up when I'm with her we hug...

She's the only one I want to lovew...

Shes not a north sider, she's not a south sider,

she's my one and only Mayra. . .

I miss you and I love ya always

-Grumpy

From The Beat: Get back to your special friend. Show her how much you
love her by doing a great program and staying out of places like this.

^

Life

Life is something you want to cherish

'Cause when it's gone you'll miss it

Some people take life for a joke

But I don't

some people make mistakes and think life is over

But it's not mistakes

It means change

I take life as a gift

Because I was put here for a purpose

life is something to be proud of

when life is finish people should be proud of you

so take life as a gift.

-Stunna

From The Beat: Life is good, it should be something to cherish and
make those who know you proud.

You Live To Die Aod Yi

Many people don't wish to die

some commit suicide

people say why do we live here?

Why do we exist?

The way I see life is you live to die and you die to live

we live for a period of time then we die,

when a person dies another's born,

but that new born just entered life to end it's world.

Same goes for the streets,

one homie goes down and a little one rises

there is no end to it, it's just the cycle of life

just adapt to it accept the things you cannot change

we all running on a time clock....

-Rabbit

From The Beat: That's one way of looking at your life, but most we think
live to live!! We live to accomplish things in our time on earth. All of us
want a long life too, even the ones with a death wish, they didn't come
on this planet thinicing of dying . No one wants to die. Sure people are
born every minute and yes another one is dying, but that doesn't make
it ok when a young brother is gunned down early Saturday morning
over drugs/turf. That we can't accept!

Keepiflo Tlieir Names Aiive

What's up wit' it Beat? I'm here to tell you about my
tattooes. I got my tattoo's because I want to always
remember my homies, RIP Stevie&Doobie.

I'm gonna get more that say the' names 'cause I'm
gonna keep it lit fo' my homies which means keep they
names alive.

-Stunna

From The Beat: At least for you, your homies will forever be alive on
your body.

1

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ mmmA

//// //

Smiling

'X [ No One Mai(es Me Smiie Lii(e My Mom

I smile because Fm in trouble but know there's hope

I smile because at least I'm not dead from selling dope

I smile because I'm gonna be successful outside of jail

I smile because I changed and not going to burn in hell

I smile because I'm strong and continue to push

I smile because I was nobody, now everybody shook

I smile because when troubles have me down

I always make it out so I can't lose

I smile to see the smile on my brother and sister's faces

They didn't like me back then but now I'm the greatest

I smile

Because I've been through it all so why be mad?

I smile because my troubles are all in the past

Smile for life, smile for yourself, I'm so happy

I'm gonna smile facing my death

- Reggie

From The Beat: It sounds like you're at peace with your mistaices and
that^ a good place to be. Just don't forget that you still have to learn
from your mistakes when you're out. Show your gratitude that you're
"not dead from selling dope" by going back to it.

I praif that the hest happens
for her, No ^ore games or lies
and she can change her waifs

Tiie Wild Smiie

What makes me smile is what makes me wild.

I wish my mother could stay a while and visit with me a

while longer.

Locked-up like a dog with no family, no honor.

I'm driven by insanity.

Time is going by,

as I look at the outside.

Finally it's mine, I have to realize that life is so fine -

Not worth doing a crime.

I do what I do and pay my respects.

Choose from the whos and never forget.

The boys in blue and show some respect.

- Kong Fow

From The Beat: It's easy to say that it's "not worth doing a crime" when
you're locked-up. The true test will come when you get out and have
to make your own decisions. We hope that you don't act like someone
with "no honor".

My Famiiy Tree

The thing that makes me happy and the only thing I can
say is my family, 'cause no matter what they are there for
me. They won't let me down or leave me on the street. I'll
always protect them like they protect me, under any cost.
They're the only people I love. Without them, I couldn't
live and I wouldn't be here or would I want to be here if I
didn't have them.

That's why I hate being in here so much - not 'cause
it's hard but 'cause I'm away from my family. That's the
hardest thing I've ever had to face. Doing time is no joke
but that's harder than being locked-up on the reals.

- Robert

From The Beat: You stated that you "hate being in here so much"
because you're away from your family. What did you do to get in here?
What will you do different when you're out? We hope that you can
respect your family by not repeating your mistakes.

J

There's a lot of people, friends and family that make me
smile

But they're not here with me right now, but one
person that is in Juve with me right now. That's my mom,
Memori, I love her with all my heart.

Ya, we fight a lot, have our bad times, but we're always
tight.

I pray that the best happens for her. No more games
or lies and she can change her ways, but most of all, I
can talk to her for days. I love her as a friend. I love
her as a sister. My love for her will always be with me
no matter if we are far apart. She's the one I can talk to
about my problems. She's the one I adore. She's the one
I lean on when I'm down. She's the one that can never
make me frown. We will be separated for a while, but it's
ok. I know she'll always be there when I need her. Most
importantly, I will love her, there is no way them haters
gonna' bring me down.

- Renee

From The Beat: It's great to have a good friend that stands by you, but
you have to learn to stand on your own. While you two are apart, you
need to make the right decisions for yourself. Strive to be a strong
young woman, without stn^ bad influences.

Wiiat mai(es me smiie

His dark brown eyes

Gives me the chills down my spine

He says everything is going to be fine

But deep down inside

I know he's about to ride

On without me

He says he loves me one last time

I tell him I love him too, but then

Why am I always asking myself

If that's really true?

This person is my ex-boyfriend

We're broken up now but every time

I was around him, I had a smile

On my face and so did he

The feelings I felt with him

Around me was indescribable but

Why did I always wonder if he loved me?

I don't know, but I still love him.

- Sophia

From The Beat: You said, "deep down inside, I know he's about to ride",
why would you love someone who doesn't love you the same way?
Before making him the center of your life, focus on your own life. It's
not too late to do something great with your future.

M]f Man Smoiieir

There is only one person that can make me smile like
no one else can and that's my man Smokey. Whenever
I feel down, he makes me feel so happy. Everything he
does brings a smile to my face and that's why I love him
so much and can't wait until I get to see him again.

Now my man is going to prison for a few years. I miss
him so much. I miss waking up in his arms and see a
smile on his face. I just wish I could be with him right
now. The only thing I really miss is when he takes me
out. I'm always with him, singing to him. I just think of
him a lot and can't wait until he gets out so we could be
happy again.

- Tiffany

From The Beat: He's in prison and you're at the d-home, is that something
to take pride in? The two of you need to get your life straight in order
to be together. Otherwise, you'll just be skn old memory to each other.
Do your part in making the right decisions for your future.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ mswMM/m

^mammmmmEm ^/// //

^//

What Makes Me Smile

X

What makes me smile is my little boy. He's four months
old. What sucks is I am still locked away from him. But I
keep it on the positive side - so I won't feel that I'm not in
his life. I am happy to know that he is healthy. He is the
one who keeps me going in this life.

- Drifter

From The Beat: We know you want to be with your son. And we hope
that happens soon. We also know that you need a very good plan, a
plan that includes a way to keep your son healthy and well loved and
well cared for. That means that you have to be healthy and that you
have to take good care of yourself. Surely, your plan will include getting
your high school diploma. And surely, it must include a change in life
style. You have very important responsibilities now. The decisions you
make can determine what kind of a vlife your son will get a chance to
lead. You know how important a good role model is. You need to be that
for your son. Let the love you feel for him empower your life. Let it help
move you in the right direction. Do well. Drifter. Do well.

Life Makes Me Smile

X

To tell you the truth, life makes me smile. I'm always
smiling, in good and bad times. But what really makes
me smile and is very important, is seeing my son. That
makes me smile. And seeing his picture makes me smile.
And knowing that he's in good health makes me smile.
Alratos.

-Jordan

From The Beat: What are your plans for you and your young family?
What will you do to make it possible for your son to avoid the problems
that have led you to the hall?

r 1 1 1 I I ----- 1 I I I I I I I I I rn^

What Makes Me Smile

Being alive,

cold air at night,

sunny days at the beach,

that's right.

Listening to my favorite CD on a cruise,

BBQ with endless food -

sounds like a perfect Sunday to me.

What about you?

From The Beat: Yeah, sounds pretty good to us, too.

-Brett

Mom And My Smile

What makes me smile is when I get a visit from my mom.
It doesn't matter how I'm feeling. I could be mad, sad,
or angry, but I could still put on a smile when I see my
mom. She always supports me, in good times and bad.
She never judges me on what I do. It could be good or
bad, but she guides me on that situation. So that's why
she always puts that smile on my face. I really love her
for who she is and what she does for me. I always give
thanks for that.

-C

From The Beat: You're a luclcy guy.

Smile

A smile is something they can't take away from this
G, even if they try. They can't, because it's me who is
running the street. People judge me but they can't stop
me. I got a haina who is down and firme. There are people
trying to mess with me, but one thing I can say: only God
can judge me.

-B Boy

From The Beat: OK, so imagine that you are God. If you were God,
what would you %x^ about that fellow on Planet Earth who goes by
the nickname of B Boy? As you know, his current address is ^skntsk Cruz
County Juvenile Hall. What would you say? We'd really like to know.

What Puts A Smile On My Face

\

Every day I talk to my girl puts a smile on my face.

And this one other smile will never fade away. It's
when my mom comes to visit me and when she goes to
my court dates to give me support.

Anything might give me a smile, especially if it's my
loved ones. Right now I have a frown on my face. I hope I
can put the smile back on, knowing I have made it through
all this.

-Kevin

From The Beat: This past year you've been like a yo-yo. in and out, in
and out, etc. Time to get serious about your life. The kind of seriousness
lAfe have in mind will make a lifetime of smiles possible for you.

For Now

Doors open everywhere I walk.

River sounds touch my soul.

The shadows of the dead are calling me.

And rumors are killing me.

The masks people wear - and their eyes

waiting for me to fall - stain my heart.

I'm impatient to see the real me in the mirror,

but for now, I'm a prisoner in this cage.

-B

From The Beat: The iworld, sk% you note in your poem, is full of many
things. But for every rumor, shadow, or stain, there are counterweights,
like hope, friendship, kindness, and self confidence. The trick is to
balance the world's bounty and to never give up.

iyiiiiiii'iiii;i4iVi'iimiiiii^

What makes me smile is just thinking about being home,
you know, chilling with the family. But at the moment I'm
getting tried as an adult, so there's no telling what's going
to happen. But whatever comes down, I'm gonna keep my
head up.

All in all, I'm just staying cool by the radio, slumpin'
Mac Dre. These are things that make me smile. Later.

-Anonymous

From The Beat: It would make u% smile to see you talking about
the changes you need to make in your life. That's the first step - skn
acknowledgement that you have some 'heavy duty' work to do, that
you've made mistakes. Start working on your problems and you'll always
be able to hold your head up.

Anif thing might give me a smile, es-
pecialltf if it's mif ioved ones, Kight
HOW ihave a frown oh mif face, ihope
i can put the smiie l?acK off,,. a

When The Doors Open

When the doors open, what do I see?
I see my girlfriend crying me a river

'cause she heard a rumor

that I was a prisoner at juvenile hall.

My eyes got watery and I got this weird feeling

that whatever the rumor was, there would always

be a shadow looking down on me.

-Michael

From The Beat: A poem about a dark dream. And like all dreams, there
are bits and pieces of reality mixed in with fantasies and fears. Whether
dark, funny, sad, or weird, dreams should be taken with a grain of salt,
because eventually, we wake up. What we do while we're awake is what
really matters.

.-/rA/v#>^v mmM/wmM^M /^

//// //

Las Perdidas En Mi Familia

X

Esta es mi manera de pensar y sentir las cosas que me han
pasado. He perdido unas cuantas personas de mi familia en
mi vida. Cuando una persona se te muere, no se puede creer.
Siempre viene la tristeza y luego el dolor. Piensas mucho en
ellos, en lo bueno que fueron. Despues da una inmenza falta
cada vez que los recuerdas y se te viene solo tristeza en tu
corazon.

From The Beat: Sentimos muchos por e%sk% perdidas que has perdido. Es
verdad, a todos nos dueie perder a un ser querido. Siempre se extranan
y mas cuando siempre han estado ahi.

The Loss In My Family

This is the way I think and feel the things I've gone through.
I've lost a few members from my family in my life. When
someone dies, it's hard to accept it. Sadness always comes,
and then the pain. You think a lot of them, in how good they
were. Later, we miss them every time you think of them, and
sadness comes again in your heart.

-Varela, San Francisco
From The Beat: We are sorry for your losses. It's true. It's painful to
anybody to loose a loved one. You'll always miss them and especially
when they've been there for you all the time.

Ml Vlsabneia

Yo tuve una visabuela que era alegre pero cuando estaba un
poco joven se trompezo y se callo. De la caida que tube no pudo
caminar. Entonces llego el momento que ella tenia 90 afios
de edad. La comida se la tenian que dar en la boca. Tampoco
podia caminar, ni ver y solo se la pasaba acostada. Luego en un
tiempo se puso grave y la hija le tenia que dar todo lo que ella
necesitaba.

Luego llego el dia en que se murio. Yo andaba en el bos(
cuando de pronto escuche la campana que sonaba en lo que iba
trepando una loma. Cuando escuche los campanazos, se me vino

Cuando Uegue a la casa, mire un monton de gente que la
estaban velando en la noche. El dia siguiente fue su entierro
y todos estaban muy triste porque era muy buena. Ella los
aconsejaban y le gustaba estar entre familia y reunida. Lo que
mas le gustaba era estar chistiando en el cuarto y lo que mas le
gustaba era can tar cuando se lebantaba en las mafianas. Tambien

From The Beat: Por lo menos vivio momentos buenos en %u vida ^unt\ue
tubo unsk vida muy dura. Y sentimos mucho lo que ella ha de haber
sufrido. £La x^uA9\%^% tambien? £La extranas? Ahora ya debe estar
descanzando en paz y deseando que tu te dirijas por el buen camino.
£Si estubiera viva y te aconsejara que no hagas las cosas que haces, lo
escucharas?

My Great Grandmnther

I had a great grandmother who was very happy. When she was
younger, she tripped over and fell. Due to her accident, she
couldn't walk right. The time for her to turned 90 came through,
and we had to feed her in her mouth. At that time, she couldn't
walk, and she would spend all her time in bed. Later she became
very ill and her daughter had to take care of her in all her
needs.

Later, the day of her death came. I was in the forest walking
up a hill when I heard the bell rang. When I heard the rings, I felt
her death.

When I got home, I saw a lot of people mourning her at night.
The next day was her funeral and we were sad because she was
a good woman. She would give us advice, would love to be all
united in family. She loved to kick back in her room. What she
loved the most was to sing every morning when waking up. She
would also love to have coffee, tortilla and be happy.

-Daris, Alameda
From The Beat: At least she lived part of her life in harmony, even
though her life was a very hard one. We are sorry for all the suffering
she went through. Did you help her too? Do you miss her? She might
be resting in peace and wishing you to choose the right path to walic
through. If she was alive and asic you not to do the things you are
doing, would you listen to her?

La Busca De Un Futurn Mejnr

\

Cuando yo estaba pequefio e iba a la escuela, jugaba con
mis amigos. Saliamos a la playa, e ibamos a mi casa a ver
peliculas.

Cuando cumpli 12 afios emigre a los Estados Unidos.
Desde ahi, he buscado un mejor futuro porque antes era
muy pobre. Siempre he tenido mala suerte por no andar
en buenos pasos. Siempre paso encerrado toda mi vida.

Tengo fe y confio en Dios que me mande a mi pais
otra vez para ir a ver a mi madre, hermanos, abuelitos,
primos, tios, y todos mis amigos. Eso es lo que tengo que
contar de mi vida.

From The Beat: Cada quien vive la vida que uno mismo se busca. De la
manera como estas llebando tu vida, no MSk% a logar unsk vida mejor. Lo
que haras va a ser complircar mas tu vida hasta que ya no tengas control
sobre ella. Cuando eso pase, se te va a ser bien dificil recuperarte.
Juegalo con inteligencia.

Lnoking Fnr A Better Future

When I was little and I would go to school, I used to play
with my friends. We would go to the beach, and go home
to play movies.

When I turned 12 years old, I immigrated the US. Ever
since then, I've been looking for a better future because
I'm poor. I've always had bad luck for not being on good
steps. I've always spent my life locked up.

I have faith in God that they will send me back to my
country again and see my mother, brother, grandparents,
cousins, uncles, and all my friends. This is all I have to
share about my life.

-M, San Francisco

From The Beat: We live our life the way we want. The way you are
guiding yours, you won't find a better one. What you are doing is to
complicating it more until the time you won't have control over it. When
that happens, it will be very hard for you to fix it. Play it smart!

Bay Gente Que Empuian

Hay personas que empujan hacia las esquina como tu PO.
Ellos te dicen que no debes de estar en las calles donde
fuistes arrestado.

Aveces por algo vas donde no debes estar y des]
o y te enfrentas otra vez en la carcel y ]
\ cortes. Despues sigues violando tu probacion y
metiendote en serios problemas y despues no puedes salir
de esos problemas.

Todo en esta vida es dificil. Hay que ser muy fuerte
porque la vida sigue.

From The Beat: ^Estas hablando por experiencia? Meterse en problemas
es bien facil, pero el problema grande es salirse de ellos. Esperamos que
la proxima vez recuerdes las mismas palabras que estas diciendo para
evitar estos problemas.

There Are Penple That Push Ynu Aruund

There are people that push you against the corners like your
PO. They tell you that you shouldn't be on the streets where
you were arrested.

Sometimes, you go where you are not supposed to go,
find yourself against the walls, and as of result; you find
yourself facing jail, and go through courts and more courts.
Then, you keep on violating your probation, getting into
more serious problems, and finding hard to get rid of those
problems.

Everything in this life is hard. We have to be strong
because life continues.

-Douglas, San Francisco
From The Beat: Are you speaicing from experience? Getting into trouble
is very e^sy, what's hard is getting off from them. We hope you remember
the same words you've shared with us to avoid problems. Problems don't
come to you, on the contrary; you looic for them.

'H/P^SH'

fk

§01

t t

in

t )

I asK m if self where

I wefit wro^g

I g^ess I was

weak wheMlshoM

have heen strong

Drugs

Once of the societies biggest problems today is drug
abuse. Drugs are putting our children either on the streets
or giving them a lifetime in prison! For many of those in
the system on the street or giving them a lifetime in this
man made hell hole, "That we call prison." For many of
those in the system on charges other than drugs, they
cannot deny that drugs or alcohol were a contributing
factor that led to their incarceration.

They have either stolen something to get money to get
high or hurt someone because of money owed for dope. I
can honestly say that I believe that as many as 95% of the
incarcerated are here because of drugs.

A murderer takes a life, a rapist violates the body, and
a thief takes nothing that cannot be replaced. However
the dope dealer not only enslaves the body and soul, he
robs the mind of any reason and the heart of all hope. The
dope dealer condemns men, women, and children of their
dreams, ambitions, and capabilities to a living death.
His crime cannot be measured individually, the effects
of dope radiate outward, and its fallout of despair and
degradation touches even the lives of those far removed
for its evil explosion. Real dope dealers are never addicts
themselves for they know all too well the ways that
marijuana, crack, heroin, and any other drug can crush
the spirit and destroy the mind! I sense that there are
a few who are saying, "My issues involve alcohol, and
alcohol is not a drug."

You are both right and wrong, although alcohol is a
spirit, it is also a drug, a very addictive drug. It is also a
substance that destroys our spirit and drives out the Holy
Spirit!

Jesus is the cure to the drug problem society is faced
with today! The answer is really very simple: admit to
Jesus that we are powerless and our life is unmanageable
without him — that we believe he is the son of the living
God, and we cannot do it without his help. Dope is evil.
It is a tool used by the devil and the only defense is
God. To stop using drugs without the help of the lord,
unfortunately, will lead to prison or death, drugs have
destroyed my life. Just when I thought my life was coming
to an end, Jesus stepped in, showed me different. He has
shown me that if I let him fight my battle then and only
then will we be victorious. Jesus has saved my life from
an eternal living hell of drugs and torment of my soul.
He saved me and I have faith in the lord that he will do
it for anyone. Do you think you can do it on your own?
Think again. Our best thinking has gotten us where we
are today. Make your body a temple of God. The time is
now to make a decision for Jesus.

We've got a tremendously talented writer and thinker to feature

u can't already tell. He's in touch

with his spirituality like many people who are incarcerated. However,
he's in touch with it without forcing it upon others. He basically speaks
with the air that this works for me, but do whatever works for you,
just do something. He starts off with a poem titled, "Wasted Time, "
that we're sure everyone can relate to, incarcerated or not. Then he
goes into a piece about how dangerous

by people who are where he is. And whether he^ right or wrong, or

whether it's indirectly or directly, we can't " ' ' " '

extremely self-destructive and can tear apart whole communities. He
then closes with a poem titled, "Quiet Time, " which is about having the
time to take himself out of a situation and really sit with his thoughts
and emotions. He is grateful is some way for the time he's been given to
practice introspection and even though it had to come under some cruel
circumstances, he's still thankful. We appreciate that kind of positive
thinking because we don't know if we could be that strong if given the
opportunity. He's writing from a Texas Correctional Facility in Snyder,
Texas. We are grateful for your words...

Wasted Time

The time that I've wasted is my biggest regret,

Spent in these places I will never forget.

Just sitting and thinking about the things that I've done

The crying, the laughing, the hurt, and the fun

Now it's just me and my hard-driven guilt.

Behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be built

I'm trapped in my body just wanting to run.

Back to my youth with its laughter and fun

But the chase is over for there's no place to hide

Everything is gone including my pride

With reality suddenly right in my face

I'm scared alone and stuck in this place

Now memories of the past flash through my head

And the pain is obvious by the tears that I shed

I ask myself where I went wrong

I guess I was weak when I should have been strong

Living for the drugs and the wings I had grown

My feelings were lost, afraid to be shown

As I look at my past it's so easy to see

The fear that I had afraid to be me

I'd pretend to be rugged so fast and so cool

When actually I was lost like a blinded fool

I'm getting too old for this tiresome game

Of acting real hard with no sense of shame

It's time that I change and get on with my life

Fulfilling my dreams with my beautiful family and wife

What my future will hold, only God knows

But the years that I've wasted are starting to show

I just live day by day, trying to make a new start

With all of the dreams I still hold deep in my heart

I hope I can make it I at least have to try

Because I've been heading toward death and I'm too young to die.

Quiet Time

Lord I know you give me this time

To become a better man;

Some quiet time to concentrate and follow your plan

Thus for my life's been wasted;

I've accomplished not a thing,

I've not obtained true good works

To set before the king.

Please mold me into someone

That you can take and use

Then let me be your servant. Lord;

No task will I refuse

I thank you for chastening me;

I know it's for my good.

And that you want the best for me

Like all good fathers would

So I snivel not for lesser time

But that you teach me day by day

And grant me peace and wisdom to

Not come back this way.

^^^

amasm// • #//////

'Dffi/TD M^/PTXH'

Dyinp In My Arms

You died in my arms,

Or did I die in yours?

As autumn leaves unfurled

above us
Clear-eyed and eager, our

touch was pure.

We dreamed the way lovers

do

Leaving footprints on a

frost-covered ground

How far we drifted no one

knows
But when the sun faded,

magic was found.
I only wanted to make you

happy

You only wanted me there

But what we wanted didn't

matter

For the cruel lessons of

life never play fair.

I lived by the sword

It cut me to the core

Precious life that I

carelessly stole

When I once had dreamt of

so much more.

I no longer walk among

the living
I've grown old, and now

I'm all-alone

I can't breathe life back.

You can't alleviate the

pain and regrets that have

grown.
And the fire that burned in

my soul.

Those memories of us are

that I'm sure

You died in my arms.

Or did I die in yours?

Interpretation

How many crimes make you a criminal?

Can one good deed make you a good citizen?

What are you if you transgress and do a bad deed?

How gray is the line between good and bad?

A phone call? A pair of handcuffs?

Silence? Asking forgiveness? Paying restitution?

Popular polls? Good attorneys? Youth?

Where there's a will there's a way

An "F" can become a "A"

Love can conquer hate

The right key can unlock the gate

The future can be brighter than the past

If only we'd give each other love, today

As if it were our last.

Dry These Tears

Hi, Jesus, it's me again

I just need someone to talk to

If you weren't too busy

I was hoping I could talk to you.

Things aren't going very well

My heart feels like it's broken in two

There's no one who can help me

That's why I'm turning to you.

I've made the worst mistakes

And I've only my life left to give

These days is the same as the next

Smiles don't come as easy as before

I keep thinking I'm too young for this

And I don't know if I can take it anymore.

If you have some advice

I could sure use a helping hand

Tomorrow may be too late

Forgive me if I don't wait around to understand.

Jesus, dry these tears, erase the years

I've eaten your bread — now pour me a glass of wine

Don't keep me buried in yesterday's thorny vines.

You gave me life, I relinquished my soul

Free reign to wander

Alone, down life's dismal road.

Just when we thought we couldn't possibly get anymore incredible
poets because we've %een so many in our, now close to, thirteen year
existence, this next writer goes and changes our minds. He's writing
from a Florida State Prison in Coleman, Florida, and it must be scorching
out there right now because he^ definitely dropping some heat on us. He
talks about everything from a woman dying in his arms to, our personal
favorite, how hungry the streets are. And in between he talks about

is tears. We share the hope that
his tears will be dried too, but we also know like he knows in "Before,"
'There are tears before triumph." With a mind like his triumphing won't
be difficult at all. Thank you for your insights and easy to read way of
expressing them.

The Hungrir Streets

Feed me — I'm hungry!

No menu's necessary, I

know what I want

I don't want Mickey D's or

super-sized fries

Hold the sodas, milk-shakes

and burritos, too
If you bring me a truck-load

of cheesy pizzas

I swear I'll just laugh at you.

I've been sizing you up

since you were born
Yet, you never notice me
But I don't care, in fact, I

love it

'Cause when the time is

right

You'll pray to God you paid

more attention

Not that it'll matter by then.

The obstacles you face — I

created them all:

Violence, poverty, drug

addiction, neglect,

And a thousand more

pitfalls I've schemed

All designed with one goal

in mind: your demise.

The steel traps are set

Keep thinking everything's

a game
I enjoy making believers

out of fools

I just need you to make a

mistake...

The jalapenos and hot

sauce are waiting for you.

Turn on your television

Let the flashy videos

hypnotize you,

Surrender to the superficial,

false gods

Don't listen to your

teachers at school

Ignore your mom's tears

and prayers

You don't need them — you

know it all;

Follow the crowd whenever

it leads

They'll bring you right to

my door.

I already got the oven

preheated at 450 degrees

Pick up that gun, sling

them drugs,
Wear that mean mug on

your face

You don't care — you're

bullet proof

Go ahead, pull the trigger...

Please, I'm hungry.

Before

Before the sun rises.

There is darkness.

Before one acquires.

There is the quest.

Before comfort.

There are tears.

Before triumph.

There's the bitterness of

failure.

Before we create.

There is but a dream...

Before the future can be

conquered

The past must be

understood.

Before my time ends,

I want to answer the

plaguing questions why.

Priceless

To mold one life

To do what's right

To hold the hand that none dare to

To sacrifice so that another dream may come true

To go where no one has gone before

To expect more.

Society doesn't set the limits, you do

There are many colors in the rainbow,

And many paths in which to travel

Ultimately, only you can choose.

To stand in the face of death

To love enough to give your last breath

To forgive despite your pain and suffering

To create something out of nothing.

^^^

amasm// • r/r/et/

'MX/<B L^Bi/Xn'

WEM^g

Wake Up And Keep Moving

...I do see what I've done wrong. Who I've done wrong. I
have never stayed out longer than 15-18 months out there.
Unfortunately, I've never been married or had any children
as of yet. Both things I truly look forward to! Now that I'm
getting older and a third of my life is gone I see I have to
change my ways. I have to stop using. Period. I stopped
drinking hard alcohol in 1994 April. I got in a high-speed
chase in a stolen truck. Luckily enough I was by myself. It
was late and especially no one was hurt other than myself.
But reality clicked and I saw drinking only led to one
road. HERE! I stopped my drinking and can say I'm proud
of myself and more than likely saved a lot of hurt both to
myself and others by not drinking. Yes, of course I also
see drugs bring/brought me down the same path but until
recently I wasn't ready or willing to stop. No, I don't go thru
the 12 steps and all that. I just say "NO!"

My parents are old and I can't or won't accept my
stupidity of using to lead me back here and not being there
for my mother or father. They're in their late 70s, early 80s
and I have a date of next Nov of '08. I pray I keep that date
but for the first time in my life I'm not going out with the
idea of getting screwed up and all that.

I pray for all my brothers and sisters in here and out

This next writer writes from within the confines of CSP in Imperial,
CA. He's put in 20 plus years and wants his family to know that he
intends to make 2008 the year in which he's released and stays out.
He says his family will be surprised and proud of what he's said; we
certainly feel pride in his goals! Drugs were a very huge part of his life
and he recently vowed to stop drinking and using drugs. We think that's
a great idea if he wants to stay out and be supportive to his family. We
appreciate how much he's shared with u% and how honest he is.

there. All of you women and mankind alike. We need to
get our shhh together, leave all this nonsense alone. This
is coming from someone who's done almost all of it. They
teach us we learn from our mistakes, what we see around
us, and it's true! Some of us are just dumber than others
and we want to see it first hand and go through it. I can say
I am an idiot. If I write this and anyone learns or just the
next time you're ready to do something, think. Come on
folks, be you a south-sider, northerner, wood, crip, blood,
asian, red power, whatever you are, step back. Think.

...So stay safe, strong. Think before you walk out those
gates and take a drink, a hit, open your legs, do a shot,
pick up a gun, all that. This is all I have and it's more than
enough if you only heed a little part of what I've warned you
of. Love your family, really go give Moms a hug, tell her you
love her. She'll always be there for you. The same for Pops
and your other family members. But Moms will always be
there for you. As she is there for me.

^'STBi/BH B^Bff'

Some of u% believe that we are living in hell on earth and that
when we pass away that's when we'll finally be home. Now we're
not saying that's what this next writer believes in, but through the
suffering and pain of being taken away from freedom, sometimes all we
have left is the hope that when we pass things will be better. Though
the next poem is a short one ^% far ^% word count, it speaks magnificence
sk% his words let u% know that no matter what, we all have a chance to
fulfill our purpose, whether here in this life, or in the next. He's writing
from the Apalachee Correctional Institution in Sne^A%, Florida.

Redemptinn

Through long and cold and lonely days

And nights I've spent in prison,

I've learned that there are many ways

To die by their provision.

I miss my family so dear to me
Though my conduct was a shame,

From a day to live in infamy
Though I thought it just a game.

I never found the truth in life

Through shadowed paths of darkness,

The pain and guilt and endless strife

The way of madness hardened.

I danced with death out in the rain

And for a while it was ecstasy,

For while the drugs were in my veins

I didn't need you next to me.

I know the life of loneliness

And of life that's just a joke,

No matter how I came or went

There's no fixing what was broke.

I'm feeling cold and begin to shake

And it has come to pass,

The reaper hasn't long to wait

I leave the world at last.

The light and view is beautiful

More than I've ever known,

And then it does occur to me

That I am finally home.

Moms will a I waif s he there for if on.
As she Is there for me. j

''nLxnrnn ^i^^Lns'

We always enjoy hearing from this writer because he's the type to
continue his education while he's incarcerated so that he'll be ready
when he gets out. This week he hits with a must read poem and he
sends it to u% from Sskn Quentin State Prison in Sskn Quentin, CA. The
"Formula For Success" according to him (and we agree) is education. We
wonder why he picked that sk% a formula for success. Maybe it's because
when we're informed we tend to make better decisions, but we don't
know if that^ the reason why he chose education. Well, whatever the
case, it^ a great poem that we think everyone who has this in their
hands should read. So please, let u% distract you no further and make
way for a "Formula For Success."

Fnrmula Fur Success

The formula for success is to stay in school.

Get an education and be cool.

It doesn't matter where you're at or where you been,

Just keep on trying again and again.

Something worth having is worth all the more;

It's what they call dreams, that's worth fighting for.

It's up to the individual the decisions we make.

Don't hold out the promise of empty gains.

Life is an investment, invest in yourself.

Wisdom and knowledge is great wealth.

It's not all or nothing. Life's not a pursuit to have fun

Deny yourself, pick up your cross and pray to the Ol'

Mighty One.

Learning is fun when you put your mind to the test;

Keep your blinders on, forget the rest.

Stay focused and on track.

Fake it till you make it, do whatever it takes

Always count the cost; it's your life that's great

When it looks gloomy and hope is hard to hold onto

Remember always — You can do it!

^^^

amasm// • #//////

'THBB MUUSBM^H'

Razor Winged Butterfly

Drifting toward peace, slipping, deeply slipping into times past
or that which could be. Distant winds carry a Razor Winged
Butterfly in the direction of my pillow. She hauntingly laughs
as darkness swirls around her. My mind does not allow me to
see her, yet I know she nears my pillow. Again, the four winds
guided her to me.

Perching upon my chest, I am engaged by your fluttering
metallic wings. Dazzled by your dance, I watch as you buzz
around my neck; what a sight those fluttering wings.

Where have you gone? I see nothing but times...

Sacred memories appear as I lose sight of my Razor Winged
Butterfly. Times lost, times forgotten, and times I would like to
see. All fiction for a healthy spirit and a slowly aging body. Ah,
there you are! Fluttering about my mind. It is your wings that
have released the times.

Dancing into my mind, the Little One, she keeps my attention
with those hypnotic razor wings... ignorant that my life force is
being drained little by little, act by act. Who feels the first cut
of the razor?

Little One, what do you bring me during this never-ending
play? What memories shall be rendered? You task me, dancing
around my thoughts. Why, why, do you appear to me in such
a manner? Has not the Father of Time had his full measure of
pain and suffering from this exhausted soul?

Does he seek something greater than this pound of flesh that
I find myself missing? What stone have I not turned that you
should return again and again to me? Have I not sought with
truth and intention to find this thing called my spirit? Have I
not purified that which is me?

Dance then if you must, take care that your razor wings stay
from my most treasured memories. I have no need, want or
desire to visit those things which cause beasts to appear. Keep
true to your task, allow me to dream of what can be and not
what was; this daylight I walk in has enough darkness for all
the monsters of my misguided youth to walk in.

I have risen above that which they call B-96199. Master of this
thing I call my spirit. Who comes to take that which is not
for the taking? It may be old and gray, yet it is good and it is
mine.

My biggest disappointments are my biggest and most treasured
lessons. They shook me and my family, brought a town to its
knees in wonderment. I caused people to lock their doors at
night and to give strangers a second look, a look of mistrust. I

When this next writer first started this piece, it started out sk%
three paragraphs and quiciciy turned into ^n epic informative. He's
writing from Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA if you don't
already know. He^ ^n O.G. with a mesmerizing way with words and this
next piece will just reaffirm that for you. We always enjoy his thoughts
and we know all you readers do too, so please continue to read on.

caused mothers to cry and never gave it a second thought at the
time. I was a walking beast in the daylight. Thee Mouseman,
he writes, he draws, he is an artist, he has... he is, he is in a
cage!

Make no mistake, the reason they are my most treasured
lessons is because with the help of a few real friends I overcame,
I stopped before it was too late. I am doing life, life in prison.
But, I am doing life, life is not doing me. Get it?

Anyone can pass off buUshhh for schooling. Sprinkle a little
O.G. on it and drink to it. Young kids eat it up. Homie, pick that
up... that's right... that's how we do it...

I ain't no fortune teller, I cannot tell you what is going to happen
in your life if you finish school or don't ask me where you're
going to be if you go to college or trade school. I'll be damned
if I know where your life will take you if you do not lose your
reason of thought to drugs.

If you realized you have been tripping on things that were not
worth tripping on and you see "The Game" you been running
on yourself and actually decided to stop, I cannot tell you what
is going to happen in your life. I realized all that after I worked
this thing I called "MY THING" into a life sentence in a small
cage.

All the shhh I did as a kid, young man, and adult is my treasure.
I treasure it because I see it for what it was. I cannot tell you
about your future, but I can tell you about my past! If your
flavor sounds even a little like mine, Lil Folks, you're in deeper
than you can possibly imagine; hit the brakes quick! Me having
the courage to let you know that is what makes it a treasure
for me.

Politics, culture, society and destiny, all that is good stuff to
study and trip with. But as I say, Lil Folks, y'all smarter than I
was; times have changed and I am sure you realize that before
you change all those things about the world that you do not
like, that just ain't your flavor, you MUST change your odds
at being out there and change starts with YOU! Unless you are
dressed by someone else every morning, then you and you
alone are responsible for your education and schooling; you
are responsible for eating what makes you grow in body and
spirit. If you're hearing what I'm saying from the Belly of the
Beast, deep within Thee Cubed Abyss, then you have given me
another treasured memory.

'BoaxB nnnf^c^ u/?.'

Writing from the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections in
Huntingdon, Pennsylvania, we give you a man who has been
in and out of detention since he was a boy and was convicted of
shooting ^n off-duty police officer and sentenced ^% ^n adult when
he was 1 5. He hoped to do the right thing when he was released but
ended up committing more crimes. He is now serving two consecutive
life sentences without parole for the state of Pennsylvania. He still
has pending charges in Florida, Georgia, New York, New Jersey, South
Carolina, and Delaware. This is what he has to say to our young people
who still have choices:

No Life To Live

I'm not glorifying my lifestyle. What I'm trying to say is all
you young guys and girls have opportunities to change. I
know a lot of you probably aren't trying to hear what adults
are saying and, yeah, granted a lot of staff in juvenile facilities
can be there to collect a check but a lot do help. I really wish
someone would have told me to slow up, enjoy life. So try to
make the best out of a bad situation. Yeah, life may seem real
messed up, but I hope none of you end up where I'm at cause
even though I'm alive my life is basically over.

I fell when I was twenty-four years old and for the rest of
my life I got to stand while another man counts me five times
a day. I get told when to eat, sleep, or exercise. It's no life to
live.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^^saa^jHOKK// ' #v^///

'B/?Xn ^U/PT^'

What Will Happen At Your Funeral?

rm 22 years young now, experienced juvenile hall, boot
camp, CYA, CPS, etc. and now prison. Fortunately I have
only attended two funerals in my life, both natural and
elderly family loved ones. I do, however, know many who
have passed. I noted that The Beat Within indicated the
murder rate was so high in California and gave the statistics
of ages.

Although I haven't had the suffering of having to
prepare myself to cope and channel such grief, I do often
ask myself and ask others, "How many people's lives have
they touched? How many people would arrive to their
funerals? Not merely to pay respects but to grieve and
celebrate the life now gone because of the goodness of that
person's heart and to grieve because they are now gone and
to celebrate because of that moment in which they had that
positive impact on your life that brought hope and a sense
of goodness in the direction of living."

I believe once we are able to bring that one moment/
experience of positivity in someone's life, we are able to
truly live and find a purpose of doing so and though the
murder rate is so high and we may not be able to decrease it.

This knock-out writer who's writing from Pelican Bay State Prison

' '" -- - ised a very insightful question about the

topic of funerals and it's one that each of u% needs to ask ourselves.
How many people will come to celebrate our lives at your funeral? And
what will they be saying at our funeral? But not only does he pose
these questions, but while posing them, he answers them from his own
perspective, which we feel is priceless. Sure, it's one thing to ask a really
good question, but it takes a very wise person to provide thought out
answers to those questions. We suggest you read what he^ written and
write something of your own on the very same topic. Let's see what

~ :'s, then you've
touched a lot of lives!

we can learn to prepare ourselves for funerals by reflecting
on how many people will show up to our own. Some might
then be able to make those choices and take that time to
help another find a bit of serenity and love, allowing them
to have the same affect on those in their lives which in form
leads to your living through the hopes/inspirations you
gave another. This doesn't necessarily mean we won't fear
death, but everything starts within ourselves and learning
to assess the good and touch lives of others allows us to
live in fulflUment and cope with the loss of those we lose
along the way because no matter the circumstances, death
is inevitable.

Deliver we hoth fist closed hacK

to where it's safe

Where the heart rate sleeps

so the heat Keeps pace

Deliver Me Back To The Womb

Deliver me back to the womb release my yoke of

bondage

For enough has seen more then the score that it

promised

The source expelled forth from within the core of the

stomach
For as sure as a day will gorge the hoard of its vomit

Deliver me back to the womb remove the line of

boundary

Before the seed in bloom produce a vine that winds

around me

For upon becoming pruned into a deflned high

astounding

What right can they refuse to let me reside how they

found me

Deliver me back to the womb what for is there to wait

When all that's already in its dormitory state

Withdraws temporarily in order to save face

For producing hereditary through purgatory traits

Replace my given stay the stem to hinder growth

Until it renders in fir it's sin within the yoke

The scope of close severity where one becomes

provoked

The coach to help prepare me to wearily carry them both

Deliver me both flst closed back to where it's safe

Where the heart rate sleeps so the beat keeps pace

The state where all the faith it takes capacitates a spoon

The gate to validate if it emancipates too soon

'HB/px i/^nnB'

Writing from Calipatria State Prison in Calipatria, CA, this next
writer encompasses what The Beat is all about in his letter to u%
and then follows with a jaw-dropping poem. In his letter he reflects
the importance of being able to read what people who've been where
you are and/or people who are going where you are have to say about
what they believe in and what they're going through. Then in his poem,
"Deliver Me Back To The Womb, " (which we thought was a great title
by the way), I

provoking ideas that will definitely provide the comfort of knowing
there's a mind sk% beautiful si% his out there. We appreciate his latest
installment and have a feeling it won't be the last.

Dear: The Beat Within

Thanks for sharing my poems with the homeboys
and homegirls who have shared their expressions in
the newsletter. Being a writer is a gift that begins with
inspiration and The Beat is the type of motivational method
that "will" change someone's life. When I read this volume
of The Beat, I seen homeboys and homegirls pouring all
of that negative and idle energy into constructive, positive
sources. That's such a beautiful refreshing thing.

In response to the La Raza article by Sleepy, speaking
from an African Americans point of view is a very delicate
matter of address. Sleeps precautionary relay was a very
serious truth that has been ordered by very influential
members of La Raza. Its obvious that the actual intent
of this enactment was to send the message that if your
gonna do something then make sure that you do it right.

In other words, instead of drive by shootings, shoot
your target up close and face to face instead of potentially
hitting a innocent bystander. However, by La Raza ordering
an assault is no less of a crime then the drive-by because
crime is crime. But this form of tough love is effective
because there's too much risk involved to walk up face to
face to someone and possibly get identifled by a witness
or counter attacked so essentially gun violence will cease
by La Raza tough love.

^^^

amam// • #//////

'^/PHF-BSSO/? IIL,^n/<MXnD'

American Ganosters

John Gotti

Larry Hoover

George W. Bush

Tookie Williams

These are American Gangsters

Rebels

Vigilantes

Not to be glorified

But to be acknowledged

Not to be praised
Just to be remembered

To be or not to be

Shakespeare said it best

Gotti controlled the Gambino Crime Family

He also provided jobs for many people who were poor

Provided food and clothes for those who couldn't cifford it

Larry Hoover founded the Gangster Disciples in Chicago

He also took young men out of the projects

And put them in college dorms

He expressed the importance of education

Never tolerated ignorance or recklessness

President Bush uses terrorism as a defense against

terrorism

He also... uh... you got me on that one

On to the next

Tookie Williams was a founding member of the Crips

He also wrote several books to keep kids from

gangbanging

He displayed remorse for his involvement with gangs

Ch£inged his life and strengthened his relationship with God

He was sent to death for a crime he didn't commit

By the hands of an actor posing as governor

Who spent his whole career making violent movies

These are not just gangsters

These are American Gangsters

Mama Was A Rollino Stone

I don't know Papa

But Mama was a rolling stone

Like that one in Indiana Jones

Although she was battling her own demons

She still managed to provide

For me and my three brothers

She wasn't the best mother

But she always did her best

Even after Grandma died

We all struggled

Grandma was the backbone

And without her, we nearly collapsed

But Mama picked up the pieces

And tried to put everything back together

It was a brave thing to do

And tough to accomplish

But Mama kept the stone rolling

Through many ups and downs

My stepfather died in prison

My brother got Life in prison

I'm in and out of jail

So many things to stress over

So many tears to be shed

So much pain and suffering

But through it all

Mama was a rolling stone

What can we %x^ about Professor Blackmind? He's been blowing
our minds since he was 1 6 years old, in prose and poetry (and art),
always putting it down with searing honesty — both his personal pain
and his political observations. He is now re-emerging from a low period
in his life (involving a near-deadly addiction to meth for which he asks
all Beat readers and writers to suggest programs to help him when free).
But — judging both from the quantity and quality of what he is sending
u% — his now sober thoughts are pouring out faster than he can record
them. As he said in a personal letter, 'The Lord has blessed me with a
renewed passion for writing." Which makes sk% indebted to the Lord sk%
we are to Blackmind himself, who writes feverishly from his solitary cell
at the Sacramento County Jail.

When Life Was Simple

I'm twenty-two now

Miss being a kid

Life was so simple

Fun things we did

If I can go back

To when things were good

Before I got caught up

Representin' the 'hood

Before Calico slugs pierced through that vest

Before my best homeboy got shot in the chest

Before Mama went crazy

And Papa got lazy

I went through hell

In and out of jail

On the streets as a teen

Gangbangin' with the team

Sellin' packs of cream

Getting' rich was the dream

Never made enough

The game was touch

I fell off real hard

Started sleepin' in the car

And abandoned houses

Beyond Tliese Walls: An Intrn

12/29/07 — Still serving this 300-day sentence at
Sacramento County Jail's RCCC Branch. I'm on 48-hour
lockdown, which means I get about an hour out of my
cell every two days. It's been like this for the past five
months, and I still got three more to go. I know convicts
got it much worse when they do SHU terms in the pen,
but this is still a messed up program to do in a county
jail. Sometimes I wish I would've took the 16 months with
half prison sentence, just so I can maintain a healthier
program. But I had several talks with some of the OGs in
here, and they al agreed that being on felony probation
is much easier than being on parole and having a DCD
number. So I took the 300-day sentence and I still got
about a hundred to go.

It's not easy. Due to my jail history and the excessive
amount of Incident Reports (write-ups) I've received, I've
been placed on indefinite lockdown whenever I come to
jail. I'm in the Total Separation (T-SEP) Unit, sometimes
known as Administrative Segregation (Ad-Seg), which
consists of a one-man cell with a food port from which
you are fed. You get to order your commissary and receive
your mail on time. But without those two things, you're
likely to lose your mind!

A lot of inmates doing this program have had
nervous breakdowns and anxiety attacks. Some have
even attempted suicide, and one inmate's attempt was
successful. The only way to survive this program is to
use your imagination and look beyond these walls.

^^^

amam// • #//////

'^/7nF-BSSn/7 Hl^MCMMXnD

canr.

Who The Hell Am I

Who the hell am I

What makes me so special

Is it the words that I speak

The thoughts that I think

The visions I see

The clothes I wear

It can't be those things

That makes me who I am

It's the pain that I've been through

My life of struggle

In and out of jail

Always in trouble

Shed so many tears

Conquered so many fears

Seen the faces of death

Until their last breaths

I prayed for redemption

For the will to be brave

My body keeps moving

But my mind is enslaved

My identity is mystery

That even I can't reveal

My heart has been petrified

My spirit is concealed

I still ask the question

Who the hell am I

Crackedemic

I was born in Chicago

Playas 2-step

Pimps sendin' Pros

Organized crime

Still outta control

D-boys pushin' overtime for dough

14 when I robbed the corner sto'

Can't see the future, times movin' slow

Hustlin' and bangin' is all he knows

Nobody in his life to teach him wrong from right

Rage against the machine, he was born to fight

Young black kid with no knowledge of history

All he sees is poverty; all he feels is misery

Never knew Martin Luther King had a dream

And it wasn't weighing "product" on triple beams

You never heard Dr. King say, "Bling bling"

Why are we so obsessed with material things

They brought crack in the '80s

Gave crack to the ladies

Put crack in the babies

Let me tell you who "They" be

The CIA and the rest of the Gov

The black man was united, showing brotherly love

The Gov couldn't have none of that

So they started runnin' crack

On the streets where the blacks and other poor people at

They liked when we sold it

Killed each other over it

Did anything for it

Nobody could ignore it

They put it on the streets

Then locked us up when we touched it

A real cold plan to trap the black man

We get deeper in the trap like quicksand

(to be continued)

Satan's Exclusive (Part One]

Professor Blackmind (PB): Thank you for joining us here

today, Mr. Satan.

Satan (STN): Sure, but you can me Lucifer.

PB: Okay, Lucifer. Please tell us why you agreed to do this

exclusive?

STN: I felt that the moves and the media have all given me

a bad rep, and I wanted to set the record straight.

PB: All right, so that you're saying is that God lied about

you being the greatest source of Evil?

STN: Oh, no. I'm definitely Evil. I feed off of everything

bad in the world. You know — sex, drugs and endless

wars. This is my food; it's like how you colored folks eat

fried chicken...

PB: That's racist and stereotypical!

STN: (grinning) Exactly!

PB: On to other subjects. What is your relationship with

God like?

STN: I see Him every day, but it's usually on bad terms.

The Righteous One loves to fight, but He doesn't always

win. I don't understand why he tries to save you worthless

humans. Doesn't He know that it's too late?

PB: I don't believe he does.

STN: There's nothing else He can do to save you. No one

can stop the inevitable.

PB: What about Jesus?

STN: Who?

PB: you heard me. Jesus Christ, the Messiah.

STN: Never hear of him.

PB: Come on Satan. Jesus was the only man you couldn't

defeat. He made you look like a fool many times.

STN: No comment.

PB: Remember that time when Jesus was in the

wilderness. He had fasted for forty days and forty nights.

He was hungry and you kept trying to tempt him, but he

kept beating you down with Scriptures...

STN: Enough, already! Jesus was a humungous thorn in

my side! He was the worst thing that ever happened to me

and my followers. It gives me goose bumps just to hear

his name! There, are you happy now?

PB: Back up, Man! You need a Tic Tac, for real. I know you

ain't brushed your teeth in millenniums.

STN: Watch it. Chump.

PB: Okay. So what are your plans for when Jesus comes

back?

STN: I should fry you like that chicken you eat for asking

me such a question! But instead, here's a simple answer:

Recruit more leaders like President Bush. He's served me

very well in these past eight years, and I'm very proud of

him. We need more death and destruction.

PB: Yeah, whatever. How do you feel about Barack Obama

running for President?

STN: Fried chicken in the White House.

PB: You just don't quite, do you?

STN: I gotta give it to you, though. I spent a lot of time

and energy on making blacks go through lots of pain and

suffering. I made it my duty to make sure blacks were

poor and uneducated. I liked it when you people joined

my gangs, sold my dope, and killed each other. It was

actually quite amusing to see. But then Dr. KiSng had to

put a monkey wrench in my plans with his foolish Civil

Rights Movement. So I had him shot, just to make myself

feel a little better.

PB: You know what? Go to Hell, Satan!

^^^

amam// • #//////

''^/7nF-BSSn/7 Hl^MCMMXnD

canr.

WEM^g

Green Ribbon

The Ribbon

A symbol for the cause

Green

The skin of Mother Earth

Death

What is inevitable

Life

Something so mystifying

Energy
What gives us the power

Oil

Which keeps us fueled

Heat

That burns the coal

Sun
That wakes us up

Energy

Way too much power

Oil

Burns toxic fumes

Heat

Seeps through the ozone

Sun

Melts the North Pole

Green

The end of Mother Earth

Life

No longer exists

The Ribbon

Live Earth

Tbe Road To Recovery

Why am I so confused? I been in Sacramento County
Jail for about six months now, but I need to e in rehab.
Although I don't have any dope charges, most of my
charges are drug-related. That means I did those crimes
so I could afford to buy some dope.

It seems like everybody's strung out on crystal meth.
This drug does not discriminate. It affects all races —
Black, White, Mexican, Asian, Russian, Arab, and many
other nationalities. I got hooked on it when I was 15, and
ever since then, my life has been going downhill. I've been
so caught up, I don't even remember where the last seven
years went.

Meth has taken a toll on my body as well: My teeth have
rotted; my vision has weakened; my memory is limited; my
lungs are damaged; and my timing is way off. I curse the
devil who introduced me to meth. This addiction is a life-
long battle that you will never win without God, therapy
and medication. Which is why I need to be in rehab.

I have written and applied for a couple programs, but
they all have fees or waiting lists longer than prison chow
lines. I ain't got no money for fees, nod do I have a place
to stay while I wait for tiiem to call me on the waiting
list. I need to be in rehab, as soon as I'm released from
this jail relapse is inevitable for a homeless recovering
addict.

This is why I'm so confused. If any Beat staff or BWO
contributors have any helpful information, please put it
in The Beat, and I'll read it.

Clinton vs. Obama

Bush will soon be history

There will soon be a

change

Who do you want to lead

our nation?

Barack Obama?

Hillary Clinton?

Rudy Giuliani?

Mitt Romney?

We need a change

White woman or black

man?

No New York mayors

No Mormon Republicans

That's old news

Senator Obama

Oprah's first-round draft

pick

The People's champ

Mr. Intellectual

Nothing wrong with that

More Brothas in the White

House

Senator Clinton

First Lady with ambition

New York's Monarch

Mrs. Two-For-One

More Women

empowerment

Two tough candidates

Who will you choose?

Let's go Obama!

Nnn-Existence

I'm spooked
Scared of my own shadow

Frightened of the past

And what lies in the future

The addiction killed me

My soul was dead

A non-existence

You can see my hate

In the darkness of my eyes

The pain I've breathed

Dreams crushed with every beer can

Watered-down blood in my veins

Even Jesus has forsaken me

For I am not worthy

My heart is filled with mud

My mind wrapped in cellophane

My spirit emancipated

Where do I go

With all the chaos of the world

I prayed for instant death

But in return I am given life

Am I merely possessed

By the last soul in the mirror

Will I die not knowing the truth

That I really existed all along

Obama 2008

Can you believe it? It's only 2008, and we already go
a major African-American presidential candidate. Even
better, it really looks like he has a very good chance of
winning. Twenty years ago, people would have laughed in
your face if you would have told them that the future top
Democratic presidential candidates would be a black man
and a woman. Ha!

Isn't it funny how things change? Senator Barack
Obama (who is from my home state, Illinois) is an
intelligent and fairly decent politician. I'm not gonna lie
and say I agree with all his policies, but he is very much on
the right track. As a black man, I feel that I am obligated
to vote for him (sorry Al Sharpton), but his intellect and
professionalism makes it a much easier decision. There
have been black presidential candidates (Jesse Jackson
in the '80s and Rev. Al Sharpton in 2007), but neither
of those candidates were taken serious like Senator
Obama.

People of all nationalities have embraced him and
support him not only as a good politician, but also as
a good person. Obama's campaign is themed "Change
2008". He's even got Oprah Winfrey going out of her way to
co-sign for him, because she truly believes that he's just
what the nation needs, a great leader who just happens to
be black.

I think "change" is very appropriate for this year's
election because if Obama doesn't win (I hope he does),
then most likely Senator Hillary Clinton will end up
becoming the first female President, and that'll be a nice
start. But I choose Barack Obama.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^T^^WT^mma^m / / .j // jfj ff /

CDininissar) lij

Everybody pay attention

Be kind to your fellow man

Share your blessings with others

Stop feeding your friends

Who are already fed

Try sharing with someone

Who will appreciate it

Someone who ain't got money

For commissary

Someone who is not as fortunate

As you are

You should try it

Set a couple packs of noodles

And something sweet to the side

And bless somebody

Who ain't got nothing

See the look of appreciation on their face

It makes you feel good

And it gives people hope

So don't be afraid to share your blessings

Because they always come back

God bless you and happy holidays

Throuoh The Haze

To Disouise The Creature

It hurts so bad

This pain in my heart

The guilt and the shame

Is ripping me apart

I am not who I appear to be

I'm so much weaker

I put this mask on my face

To disguise the creature

I have so many flaws

I'm far from perfection

You can see the real me

With very close inspection

all my insecurities

And everything I fear

My tendency to be paranoid

And watching the rear

The tears I shed for everything

That I don't understand

And when I cry I feel ashamed

For being less than a man

As I endure this pain in my heart

I feel as if I'm damned

I tried so hard to change

But this is who I am

Lord

Forgive me for my evil ways

Can't see clearly through the haze

So much hurt inside my soul

All the hate that it must hold

Always wanted to be brave

Played the Devil's wicked slave

Raped of life as a child

Ignorant and runnin' wild

Papa dead and Mama gone

Grandma left me all alone

In this world with no one to love

Drugs, violence and all the above

Lady Crystal became my wife

They caught my brother and gave him LIFE

The only ones I can depend

Are dead, gone, or in the pen

I'm trapped by addiction, this deadly fight

So easy to do wrong, so hard to do right

I'm locked up, but it's still not over

The mind works best when sober

As God forgives my wicked ways

I can see so clearly through the haze

Trif sharing with someone
Who wiii appreciate it j
Someone who ain't got ntonetf

I'M napped hif addict toM,
this deadlif pght

So eastf to do wrong, so
hard to do right

Another Flashback

Dropped out of High School

Always played the fool

Playin' tricks on myself

Drugs bad for my health

Full time hustlin'

Can't tell me nothin'

Stone cold way of life

By the gun

Or by the knife

Even knew wrong from right

Never been afraid to fight

Always been afraid to cry

Secretly afraid to die

Mama told me every day

Gang bangin' ain't the way

Duck and dodgin'

Rounds of lead

Too slow, took one to the head

In the hospital cuffed to the bed

Under arrest, that's what they said

Lucky me, only a graze

The lifestyle is more than a phase

On my way to Juvi Hall

Close my eyes to escape it all

(to be continued)

^^^

amam// • r/r/et/

'^/7nF-BSSn/7 Hl^MCMMXnD

canr.

WEM^g

Satan's Exclusive, Part Two

Professor Blackmind (PB): Thanks again for joining us

today, Lucifer.

Satan (STN): I don't like you, so call me Satan.

PB: The feeling's mutual. Devil.

STN: You better watch your mouth, punk.

PB: Anyway, last time you were here, we talked about your

relationship with God. Has anything changed?

STN: Not much. We're both making plans for the 2008

elections. He's pushing for Barack Obama; I'm behind Rudy

Giuliani. I'm sure that Rudy will keep the war going and

work for me. It pains me that Obama has no intentions of

causing death and destruction. What a wuss! God always

supports the wuss.

PB: Jesus was not a wuss.

STN: Don't you ever say his name in my presence.

PB: You still a Jesus-aphobe, huh?

STN: When you die and go to hell, I'm going to give you lots

of special attention.

PB: Sorry Luci, I'm straight.

STN: You foul-mouthed fool!

PB: Man, calm down. On to my next question. In the movies,

they make you look like Hellboy, flaming red with horns

and a pitchfork. Is this an accurate description?

STN: Of course not! I am not flaming red. I'm not red at all.

In the light, I have a dark burgundy glow, but in the dark,

I appear to be midnight black. I don't have any silly horns.

I have tusks that come out of my forehead. Pitchfork? I've

never even seen a pitchfork before.

PB: Do you have any control over people's minds?

STN: Absolutely not. Both me and God have agreed that

it's best to let people think, speak and act for themselves.

We persuade them, not control them. The choice they make

is up to them.

PB: But what about when people go through exorcisms to

get the demons out of them?

STN: That has nothing to do with the mind. My demons

attack the soul and spirit, not the mind. Those two things

are very fragile, but are strong than the mind. The mind can

be changed, but the soul cannot.

PB: You might be an evil bastard, but you're making some

sense with this.

STN: I hate to expose game, but the best way to keep me

away is to keep your soul in God's possession and your

spirit free. If I see any weaknesses, I will attack. And I'm in

it to win it.

PB: I gotta expose game, too. Your breath smells like a 5,000

year old egg. You need to open up a whole can of Altoids,

dump them all in your mouth and chew.

STN: How dare you insult me!

PB: Man, you're insulting yourself by doing an interview,

talking the foulest breath in history. I know you're the King

of Fire, but I didn't know your breath was gonna be this

hot. In fact, it stanks so bad that I'm cutting this interview

short. Here's some Winterfresh. Suck on it before you chew

it, so it can refresh that tongue.

STN: Some day I wiU get you.

PB: Yeah, whatever. Go to Hell, Satan!

Iowa \

History in the making

V

Horse Without A Carriage

\

Iowa

Lookin' for a hit

Two and a half percent Black

Searchin' for my next fix

Cast their votes

Stuck in my neck

To elect a Black President

The blood drips

Obama

Only spot the needle sticks

They believe in change

Try to stop

He has the skills to make it happen

And get sick

Twenty-eight percent

Cold turkey

Believe in him

So vicious

Second place

The lord is my witness

John Edwards

Tried and tried to quit this

No one knows how he did it

No way off this deadly horse

Hillary Clinton has the most money

This drug will take its deadly course

How did she come in third place

Can't be trusted

Twenty-nine percent

Friends disgusted

Where did she go wrong

Family discussed it

She's leading on the national polls

Got me busted

But she lost to a Black man

Down to the County Jail

In the most white state in America

Cold turkey in a cell

She and Edwards better watch out

Going through living hell

Obama might take New Hampshire

For the sake of getting well

He might even get South Carolina

[Dedicated to my good friend Space Cowboy. I send my |

It'll be all over from there

love and prayers out to you, Homie. Stay strong.

Get

Thanks to Iowa

weU.]

M

^^^

^^^

amam// • #//////

'SHMU/n MnnTnnMB/7¥'

WEM^g

There Would Have Been More Of Us

On Thursday, September 20, 2007, Americans assembled
in Jena, Louisiana for a peaceful march for justice.
They were from different backgrounds, different states,
and different professions. They were also of different
nationalities, but they came together for a common
cause.

The town was expecting trouble, and it did my heart
good to see that they were disappointed. No one threw a
bottle, unless it was thrown in the garbage. No one fought,
unless they were fighting the heat. And the only reason
the police were needed was to keep the marchers safe as
they crossed the streets.

Such a peaceful protest is reminiscent of the Civil
Rights marches during the 1960s. This was the first Civil
Rights March of the New Millennium and Martin Luther
King III was there, just as his father, the late Reverend Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr., would have been.

The case of the six young African American teenagers
being held on felony charges to what amounts to a school
fight has gotten the attention of everyone. And it has put
Jena, Louisiana on the map in the worst possible way. But
as one speaker said, this is not about justice for a town
of 3,000 people. It is about justice for a city of 30,000,
300,000, or 3,000,000 people. And although it began in
Jena, it can't end in Jena.

The crowd of marchers was conservatively estimated
at about 50,000, but I would be willing to bet there were
more. There was representation from all age groups,
including college students. But then, we know how folks
play with numbers. Had it turned into something ugly, the
crowd would have been estimated at half a million black
folks converging on a little ole southern town wreaking
havoc. But that didn't happen. Instead they had a strategy
and put it into play. I was also happy to see on the TV
that although many of the stores were closed for the day,
the marchers had already agreed not to spend any money
there. And of course, some of Jena's white citizens took
part in the march. They wanted everyone to know that
everyone in the town doesn't think alike.

While watching the coverage of the peaceful
demonstration, one person carried a sign that summed
up the need and the reason for the march. The sign
simply said, "There would have been more of us here, but
so many of us are in jail."

Writing from Florida State Prison in Raiford, Florida, we bring
you this Beat Without household name. We %x^ he's a household
name because he was probably our most consistent writer last year.
And he starts this year off with a bang ^% he te\e^%e% even more heat
than we're used to. We really enjoyed his piece, 'Things That Every Man
Should Tell His Daughter," because we know there are many fathers out
there who have gone through this stress and there are those who are
stressing because they haven't gone through it yet. We know men can
be cruel so when a father has to explain that to his daughter, we usually
are speaking from the experience of having someone else's daughter

ition, empathize

with it, and come up with some great conclusions on the other end. We
appreciate that... Thank you...

Music

I love music. Anything with a pleasant beat and the words
that follow the melody and tune, I'll listen to it. But I prefer to
listen to what I love most, and that's R & B, Jazz and Blues.
From R. Kelley, Joe, Tyrese, Ginuwine, Usher, Alicia Keys,
Keith Sweat, Erykah Badu, Gerald Levert, India Arie, Music
Soulchild, Lauryn Hill, Mary J. Blige, and anything else from
the 80's and early 90's.

That's when music was music. The words were true
and the feelings were real. There's also Silk, Shai, H-Town,
Jodeci, Hi-Five, Soul for Real, Mint Condition, Toni Toni
Tone, and I go back in the days. I feel Luther Vandross (RIP),
Teddy P, Marvin Gaye, Maze and Frankie Beverly, Freddie
Jackson, Temptation, Anita Baker, Patti Labelle, Betty Wright
and Barry White. When I did something wrong, like messed
over my girl and got caught, I'd feel guilty and listen to my
blues - B. B. King, Melvin and Blue Notes, Johnny "Guitar"
Watson. And when I'm stressed out I listen to the gospel.
Kirk Franklin, Bebe and Cece Winan, Yolanda Adams. I listen
to the best Jazz in the world, Kenny G. and Miles Davis.

I think people should have music to fit their mood. I
listen to some rap but it's not my main thing. I listen to 2Pac,
Scarface, 8-Ball, DMX, Ludacris, Missy Elliott, Outkast, Trick
Daddy, Goodie Mob, Big-Small. I remember watching the Soul
Train Show late night. It used to give me a different outlook
on the old school music. I know some more old school. I
just can't remember the names. Not only is music a form of
therapy for me. It's also a class, in which I try to learn or see
what the artist was feeling and how the artist came to write
that song. Music isn't hard to understand or relate to. It's all
about wanting to understand it, feel it and capture it. Music
is a form of therapy that everyone knows about but many
refuse to try out.

The Role Of The Father In The Home

Let's get one thing understood up front. That old "who wears
the pants in the family" thing is old and doesn't work. I tend
to lean more towards the philosophy of comedian Bill Cosby.
Cosby said he's not the boss in his house and explains why.
He said he doesn't know how he lost it or where he lost it. He
also said he doesn't think he ever had it. He finished by saying
he's seen the boss's job and he doesn't want it. I concur. The
father's role in the home is more of a supporting role than king.
He's respected as an authority figure, but when permission is
needed to do something or go somewhere, those issues are
always deferred to mom.

Fathers are more cerebral. They are the thinkers. They
are the ones who plot to find ways to get out of doing things
so someone else will have to do it. They are also excellent
planners. Fathers can be leaders and followers. In the role
as leaders, they are expected to guide their sons along the
masculine path and teach them the male virtues that make
them strong and mature. It's true that girls mature faster than
boys, but because of the obvious physical difference, fathers

are called upon when it's time to do lifting or other acts
that require them to fiex their muscles. Lately, fathers have
been blamed for not being mentors to their sons. They bear
the brunt of the blame for their sons turning out to be violent
criminals or drug dealers. They have also been pointed out as
not being emotional or psychological supporters inside the
home.

During the era of the fathers being the "bread winners,"
mothers were expected to be the disciplinarians. Fathers were
viewed as the example setters on how to support and take care
of your family. They were supposed to be the shining examples
of how a man handles his responsibilities.

Fathers have evolved through the years, and although some
have regressed in their responsibilities, the fact remains they
are still depicted as leaders and a pillar of strength. Daughters
cling closer to their fathers, and sons fear their wrath. No
matter where your father is, seek him out and interact. Talk to
him and share your experiences and thoughts. Make him also
share his with you. Get to know your father all over again. You
might be surprised what you discover.

^^^

amam// • #//////

'SH^u/n MnnTnnMB/7¥ nanT. '.

ma^Mf

Things That Every Man Shnuld Tell His Dauoiiter

When men are running the streets, hopping from bed to
bed, chasing skirts, breaking hearts and attempting to
procure intimate relations with numerous members of
the opposite sex, very few, if any, stop to reflect on being
victimized by Karma. They have no idea that the lies, the
broken promises, the blatant infldelity, the emotional and
physical abuse they inflict will come back to haunt them
in some form or fashion. To those unfamiliar with the
term Karma, it is the Hindu and Buddhist principle that
suggests that man determines his future by the actions
of his present life. Among Christians, it's more commonly
recognized in the metaphorical context of reaping what one
sows. Personally, I've always viewed it as the universe's
clever way of policing our behavior by allowing our own
deeds to ultimately decide whether pain or pleasure will
dominate our destiny.

I bring this up because as a man who once lived his
life in a manner similar to that mentioned earlier, I feel
a day of reckoning slowly approaching. Having a young
daughter on the precipice of teenage and young adulthood
sends chills down my spine as I think of the cads waiting to
administer the same treatment on her that I perpetrated on
the daughters of other men.

In an effort to redeem myself of these past indiscretions
and to prevent my daughter from paying for my mistakes,
I've decided to help women turn the tables in their favor
by offering seven things I would tell my own child if she
were searching for a suitable mate. Fellas, I'm sorry, but my
baby's happiness is at stake.

Keep Us On Our Toes

Never, never, ever let a man know that he completely
satisfles you. We love to conquer and the minute we realize
we've got you hooked, our instincts automatically lead us
to our next challenge. The harder we have to work to please
you, the longer we'll stick around to achieve our goal.

Appear Weak Even When You Are Strong

This is one of the 48 laws of power, but it should also help
you. Most men are suckers for women they deem extremely
delicate. Being with a woman who comes across as meek
appeals to our nature role of protector. It forces us to feel
responsible for your well- being.

Don't Waste Your Time

If you're with a man for more than four months and he
hasn't introduced or made plans to introduce you to his
mother, you're not a serious candidate in his eyes. If you're
serious about settling down, this guy will just hold you
back from your mission.

Avoid Becoming A Homeless Shelter

If you meet a man and within a couple of weeks he attempts
to start moving in with you, get ready to turn your home
into a bum refuge. This guy is probably unstable and
doesn't have a place of his own. He's using you to come
up. Relationships that begin like that almost always end in
disaster. Cut the bait as quick as possible.

Romance Without Finance Is A Nuisance

There is only one thing men love more than sex and that's
money. A woman with a mind for flnance is equivalent to
Halle Berry in our book. If you can bring this to the table,
your stock increases ten-fold.

Beware Of The Jackleg Preacher

Most people who are serious about their faith don't wear
their beliefs on their sleeves. If you meet a man who
immediately wants to talk about Bible scriptures, there
is a 90% chance he's faking. Some men use the Bible to
persuade woman to let their guard down. It's the oldest
game to play. Don't be fooled by the clean-cut and eloquent
speech. Some of those tongues should be forked.

Keep Your Goodies On Ice

Your mother was right. Don't be so hot in the pants. Men
cherish things that they work hard to get. We want to feel
safe in the knowledge that we're not becoming involved
with the local "merry-go-round." Sure, we'll come back
if you blow our minds on the flrst night, but we'll never
respect you and we'll always think of you as an easy prey.
The longer we wait, the more we value the reward. Save
your best tricks for the honeymoon.

They call it the game of love for a reason. You have to
develop some sort of strategy in order to win. Take control
of your life. Change your style. And don't just wait to
exhale... breathe!

Caution in Tai(ino Advice

Anyone can give advice, but some people do so only in their
own interest. Be careful when somebody offers you advice.
Find out first what his or her interest is in the matter, because
you can be sure that he or she is thinking primarily of self.
Why should he or she come out on top instead of you? They
will assure you that things look good, and then stand back to
watch what happens to you.

Don't ask advice of anyone who doesn't trust you, and
don't give advice to anyone who is jealous of you.

Don't ask a coward for advice about fighting, a buyer
about selling, a stingy person about gratitude, a cruel person
about kindness, a lazy person about work. Pay no attention
to any advice they may give. Instead, rely on someone who is
rightful and wise, someone who is sympathetic with you, who
will be sorry to see you fall. And trust your own judgment. No
one's advice is more reliable. Sometimes your own intuition
can tell you more than seven wise men. Above all, pray to
God that He will show you the right thing to do.

tiaviHg a tfomg dai^gkter on the prec-
ipice of teenage and tfomg adulthood
sends ckllls down mtf spine,,. -\

Tliouglit Process

(Dedicated to the powerful girls in Juvenile Hall)
Anyone who values learning should be able to help others
by what he himself says and writes. That is why I write,
to share my wisdom and learning and love with you. Let
me urge you, then, to read this knowledge carefully and
with an open mind. And please be patient in those places
where, in spite of al my diligent efforts, I may not have
worded some phrases very well.

^^^

amam// • #//////

'SH^u/n MnnTnnMB/7¥ nnnT'

WEM^g

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago
When one day I saw a sign that read "Heaven's Grocery

Store"

As I got a little closer the door came open wide

And when I came to myself I was standing inside

I saw a host of angels, they were standing everywhere

One handed me a basket and said, "My child, shop with

care"

Everything a Christian needed was in that grocery store

And all you couldn't carry you could come back the next

day for more

First I got some patience, love was in the same row

Further down was understanding, you need that

everywhere you go

I got a box or two of wisdom, a bag or two of faith

I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost, for it was all over

the place

I stopped to get some strength and courage to help me

run this race

By then my basket was getting full

But I remembered I needed some grace

I didn't forget salvation, for salvation was free

So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me

Then I started up to the counter to pay my grocery bill

For I thought I had everything to do the master's will

As I went up the aisle I saw prayer and I just had to put

that in
For I know when I stepped outside I would run right into

sin

Peace and joy were plentiful, they were on the last shelf

Song and praise were hanging near, so I just helped

myself

Then I said to the angel, "Now how much do I owe?"

He smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you go"

Again I smiled at him and said, "How much now do I

really owe?"

He smiled again and said, "My Child, Jesus paid your

bill a long time ago"

The Word Of God

People spend their lives searching for answers, for
contentment that contains something that's missing from
their life that would make it complete. They go from one
thing to another in succession trying to obtain this, yet still
they find only a restlessness inside themselves, something
unfulfilled. Money, success, notoriety, sex, drugs, love, the
list goes on and on but always it seems that whatever we
want or the feelings we need are just out of our grasp.

I know. I've tried these "lesser gods" most of my life.
In all my searching I never trusted God with all my heart. I
guess a person must go through a certain amount of pain and
hopelessness before he realizes it's going to take someone
much greater to help him. I think it's at this point, when all
of your pride is played out, that He finds you.

I had a misconception early on in life that in order for
God to take notice of you, you had to be almost perfect. But
you never know just how hard it is to be "good" until you
have given it your best try. I failed miserably. God know this
when Christ was on earth. He even said He came to save the
lost, not the righteous. He hung out with the sinners and tax
collectors and was condemned by the religious.

The Bible says that we hear God through a still small
voice and I still believe you can. It's just that we are turned
into other things such as jobs, chasing that high, that God's
voice becomes a static noise in the background.

But once you turn your attention towards Him and you
see His power at work, it's a very humbling event in your life.
He's in the smile of that lady that expresses her thankfulness
that God heard her prayers that her son would come home
from Iraq. He's in the laughter of a little boy at Christmas
when he finds a present under the tree from his daddy
who's been in prison the past year. It's the glow in the young
mother's face when she is able to be home with her children
on their birthday instead of still in bondage to addiction and
in Rehab.

You see, I've had people argue with me over and about
God, but when you look at their lifestyle, it just doesn't add
up. Because once you really have found God and come into
the presence of the Almighty and get a glimpse of eternity,
He enters into you and there is no way you couldn't be
transformed. This is the God I need. This is the God I want,
and none other after all these years. This is the God I have.

further down was mderstandlng, ifo^med that evert/where if on go

It Is What It Is!

Jena 6 is about the hurricane-ravished state of Louisiana.
It is about a small town there called Jena. Jena 6 is about
a tree. It is about three hangman's nooses. It is about
children, both black and white. But most importantly it is
about race and racism.

Say what you want. Call it whatever you want, but when
the bottom line is drawn, it is what it is, and that is racism.
It is a good example that some white people need to grow
up. They need to know that white people no longer own
America, and that black people are here to stay. They are
going to stay in the America that they helped to build, and
they are not going to stay here living on their knees or being
second-class citizens.

In Jena, a black youngster got beat up by a group of
white kids for merely sitting under a tree on the school
campus. It was dismissed as being a case of children being
children. When a group of black youngsters got revenge
and beat up a white youngster, it was not mere child's play

but a felony offense that called for six black youngsters
being arrested, and one of them being charged as an adult.
Even the Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan recognizes this
as blatant racism. I am not playing the race card, people.
The card is playing itself, because what happened in Jena
is what it is! Racism in the first degree.

It is more of a direct reflection on the adults in Jena
than it is on the children of this town. It shows the kind of
role models this town has, and it shows where the children
got their racist attitudes. That little town is scarred for life.
It will always be remembered for the injustice in the Jena
6 case. The prosecutor in this case says it has never been
about race. Excuse me sir! But who are you talking to?
Black folks have been off the tomato truck for a very long
time. You may not know, but blacks know racism when
they see it.

Jena, clean up your act. Undo your wrong. Apologize
to the world and especially black people. Then fall on your
knees and pray to the Lord to make you whole once again.

Methhas taKe^a toll oh ^tf hodtf as well: Mi/
teeth have rotted; m^ vision has weakened;
at If memory Is limited; m^ iMngs are damaged;
and mif timing Is waif off I cnrse the devil
who Introduced me to meth This addiction
Is a life-long hattle that tfon will never win
wlthont^od, therapif and medication Which
Is whtf I need to he In re hah

read the rest of Trofessor 3/ac/(mfWs 3W0 piece oh page 50