Full text of "The Beat Within 13.15"

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lllf ClCOinC editorial note resk^ersX We have for you
our latest issue of writing and art from the inside. Given
we took last week off from workshops, we have pushed
ourselves yet another week behind in our pursuit of being
a somewhat timely weekly. Anyway, this week we want
to hand over the computer keyboard to our go to editor,
colleague and friend, Omar T^rcios, who has so kindly
stepped up to type the following words for you loyal ed.
note re9k€ier%n Omar!

What's up with all The Beat Readers? For us it's just
another week of grinding and trying to print out The Beat
Within for all you to read. As I'm sitting in the office here
in ^^n Francisco, CA, I'm reclining in my chair, thinking
'bout the old days. I'm sitting here writing this editor's note
bumping the old school classic 2Pac "All Eyes On Me" disk
2.

You know, 1 first learned about The Beat when 1 was
locked up in one of these shady county juvenile halls. When
my time was getting close, 1 asked our Beat facilitator if
there might be a place for me. He told me to check in when
1 touched down. 1 did. I've been here ever since — newtX^
five "^e^rti

There's nothing to do but to reminisce on how the old
days were. Remembering people that done passed away,
reminiscing on high school days. And, ^% I'm getting older,
I'm starting to realize how hard life is. And it's only gonna
get harder. Rent is rising like the body count total for the
war in Iraq. Everything is expensive now. Fast money is
starting to look sweet right now, but 1 can't afford to go
back to jail. Most of you cats that's reading this ^re worried
about your pairs of shoes, a pair of Girbauds, and hustling
for a scraper with 22's on it, all the tight fits and chains,
and hats, and trying to pop at females or dudes (if you a
female).

Some of y'all might be complaining right now that you
in the hall, or ranch, etc. because you're eating nsksty food,
and wearing the next person's drawe's. if you don't like jail
then why you gonna put yourself in a position to get in
trouble ivith the laiv? Why do all the hot things you doing?
Just for a car with rims, watches, jewelry, and all the rest
of the materialistic things you can buy.

We all need to take the time to appreciate this day.
All those things can wait. Those cars, clothes, etc. are still
gonna be there whether you're dead or in jail. Life goes
on with or without us. The world continuously spins, and
doesn't stop for anybody. So whether you in the State Pen,
J-hall, Or scott free, take a moment to appreciate this day.
it might not be going the way you want it to be going, but
it's another day of life. Regardless of what your situation
is you put yourself where you're at today in life. And even
if you're not happy with the outcome of your actions, or
your current situation, you should be appreciating the day.
Period!

if you want to see a bright future, you gotta have
something to look forward to. Call your mama, (or guardian
or a loved one) and tell them you love them and miss them.
Call your brother, your sister, your auntie, yo' potna, yo girl/
boyfriend whoever, if you can't call, write them. They will
be happy to hear from you and in return so will you. And if
you don't have nobody to call or write to, write a letter to
yo' potna, roommate, or maybe even one of the counselors
you're cool with. When we're locked up, we always think
about the people that show us love and care for us. But
when we're on the outs, we don't think of them that much.
Obviously, because we're too busy with our lives getting
into trouble or whatever you may be doing. So take the
time to show some love back.

Me myself, I'm over here at The Beat Within. I've been
here for four '^ewt%, going on five at the end of this year.
And i have had the privilege to read all your life stories,
and poems. I've %een writers for The Beat Within come in
and out of the halls and some even graduate to the pen,
CYA, or county jail, i sit in this office eMet^ week editing
y'all pieces, but at the same time I'm reading them, and
i feel y'all. i wouldn't v^^nnsk be locked up eating county
food being away from all my loved ones, i see y'all writing
down stories about your life and the mistakes you've made.

i learn from them also, i learn from all you young
people's mistakes because I'm still learning. 1 don't know
it all. I'm still a youngsta myself. 1 haven't lived that long.
I'm 22 'yewt% old. And 1 make mistakes also, but it's about
learning from them. 1 been to the hall, 1 been to county
jail, and that's nothing to be proud of. What you should be
proud of is staying the hell out of jail, and the negativity
that comes with that lifestyle.

But at the end of the day, 1 take a look at what 1 go
through and realize that it ain't shhh. There's other people
that live their lives with bigger struggles than me and you.
There ^te people in other countries that really don't have
anything to eat. They don't have no ICFC, Mickey D's, Burger
King, Popeye's, all the shhh we have out here in America so
we can indulge our chunky stomachs.

1 read The Beat Within, 1 am a product of The Beat
Within because I'm still here at it today, not only working,
but still writing, still striving and living life exactly how 1
was living it before. Except this time, I'm trying to make
it better for myself. I'm trying to live the good life. 1 want
to be successful. I'm trying to get it just like all of you. 1
-w^nnsk ball out and have things too, and give everything
1 can to my twin daughters. But I'm not gonna risk my
freedom for none of that, if I'm in jail i won't be able to
feed my daughters or even be a father for them by sitting
behind them bricks. So forget that. I'm not gonna throw
away my freedom over some chump change. My freedom is
worth more than a car, more than some expensive fits, more
than 22's or 24 inch rims, it's my life and I'm in control. I'm
in the driver's seat. Y'all should be too.

This week our topics discussed in our workshops prior
to the writing that is featured in this awesome issue is,
'The Stranger" - Write about a time when a %tt^n^et (not
related to you, nor your friend) was kind to you and/or
helped you in your time of need. How did you happen to
meet this person? Why do you suppose this person helped
you out? Did you two become friends after? This week tell
us in detail of a time a %tt^n%et helped you out, or when
you did the same for someone else.

Our second topic, "The days when I don't want to go
home..." - There ^te times when we find that it is hard to
go home to face our parents or family members. Sometimes
it is because we've gotten into trouble at school or got into
a fight and don't want to deal with our parents yelling at
us or not understanding our feelings. Or we don't want to
go home, 'cause there is a lot of pain and %9kAne%% in the
house. This week share a time when it was hard for you to
go home. Why was it difficult? Where did you go instead
and was there someone else who was able to listen to you
and understand your feelings? Or when did you know it
was cool to go home?

Lastly, "Loss, Revenge, Forgiveness" - How does it feel
when you lose someone close to you? One father who lost
his only son to murder, described it ^% a nuclear bomb going
off inside his heart. How would you describe it? How does
it feel to take revenge when someone has done wrong to
you? Does it make you feel powerful? Does revenge take
away the feeling of loss inside of you? How did you learn
about revenge and forgiveness? Did someone teach you?
Who? Did you learn from something that happened to you?
Have you ever forgiven someone for something shady that
they did? How did it feel to forgive? When you hang on to
hate, what happens to you inside? How can you deal with
pain and loss without killing pieces of yourself by taking
revenge? What do you think your neighborhood and your
family would look like if we had a chain of forgiveness,
a cycle of forgiveness, instead of a chain and cycle of
revenge and violence? How would your neighborhood and
community be different? is this realistic or even possible?
Why or ivhy not?

All right this issue goes out to all the young typist
in our office who step up tremendously each week, after
school, in helping us put out the cleanest weekly possible.
Thanks for your great work.

Oii, see you all next week! Best!

End of CD2 of 2Pac's "All Eyes On Me"... What to put on
next? Any suggestions?

mam ffff/rr/frs

The BeStt Within, a weekly newsletter of writing am
incarcerated youth, is published by Pacific News Service.

At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor i
sexual remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enou
our commuities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Bea
promote peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one another.

1 He Beat Wittim publisHes ttie opmions and views expressed by ttie participants
in our workshops. This is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you
read do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights
are reserved. Nothing from this publication can be reproduced without our writ-

To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words have
consequences, and could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate your
feelings and viewpoints without running the risk of providing ammunition for
those who might use your words against you.

Co-founders: Sandy Close and David Inocencio

Senior Editors: David Inocencio

Assistant Editors: Michael Kroll, Will Roy

Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pau

Staff: Pauline Craig, Jill Wolfson, Allan Tinker, Patricia Johnson, Amanda
Abies, Omar Turcios, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Jennifer Clark, Brittany
Bernard, Perry Jones, Tal Ariel, Margo Ariel Brockman, Catalina Hayes-Bau-
tista, Elizabeth Crawford, Morghan Velez Young, Siliva Mortenson, Neela Ba-
nerjee and Caitlin Urie.

The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department
Beat Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C.,
Lisa Karczewski, M.A. The detention staff are: Tammie Utter, Shannon Lech-
ner, D. Scott Herrmann, Ph.D. Clinical Director.

Bernalillio County, New Mexico "The Land of Enchantment" Juvenile
Probation Department Beat Staff: Steve Serna

Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week.

Spiritual Advisor: Jack Jacqua

Special Volunteer: Nancy DeMartini

Book Donor: Marisela Norte

Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous sup-
port of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs
- California Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund,
Community Foundation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation
of California, Compton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foun-
dation, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foun-
dation, Marguerite Casey Foundation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris
Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cummings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children
and Youth, Open Society Institute, Peninsula Community Foundation, Phil-
anthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cowell Foundation, San Francisco Arts
Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clement
and Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation,
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben
Sels/Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public Foundation, Wallace Alexan-
der Gerbode Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth Justice Funding
Collaborative, the Zellerbach Family Fund and individual donors.

Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francis-
co, Maricopa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio
County New Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have
any questions or comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to
become a subscriber, contact us at: 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415)
503-4170 or check us out at:

www.thebeatwithin.org

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Time To Make A Change

It's time to make a change. Life's gone go on, and I rather
make the best of my situations and downfalls than keep it
going.

It's a shame it took me to have to be in here and look at
my age and be like, "16 three months away, and then that two
years gone go by fast!" I'm ready to get my shhh together.
In the end, it's me that feels this pain and this hurt and I'm
ready to overcome those things and make a change.

I'm ready to leave these ninjas out here that's 'bout one
thing. Already don't got time for these rackets females and
messy business. When you hear Miesha, I want it to be like
that part of the song in "Independent" — "She stay on her
shhh. She got her own shhh."

It's a reason for everything in life and I've been woken
up with my expectations for myself, the ones that's in my
life telling me what to do and how to do. If anybody doing
anything for me and my life it's me. Ain't nobody really
staying by my side through it all. They make it worse, so I've
gotta overcome this by myself. That's why it's time to make
my change in life.

I'ma leave this system with a good bang. I'ma be known,
but by time I'm out, it's gone be in a good way. My change
starts with my emotions and knowing what's good for me,
and I know that already.

So, I'm starting with those that's negative and not 'bout
shhh don't get no part of Miesha's time. I'm not gone talk
about what my change is gone be. I'ma show the system.

-Spongebob, San Francisco
From The Beat: This reads like a Declaration of Independence —
independence from a way of thinking, independence from negative
influences, and independence from a county/state system of control
that makes your decisions for you. Congratulations, Miesha. You've
taken the hardest step in a journey of life, and that step is the one in
your head, a new way of thinking. From that, all else will follow. Never
mind showing the system. You are showing yourself, and that's much
more important! Now, put the actions you know you must behind these
wonderful words, and watch what happens.

Just Forgive

Revenge is a powerful thing

Some people run on revenge

People act upon revenge without thinking

Forgiveness would make life so much safer

Just lose the hatred and let your heart run off happiness

Instead of beatin' an ass or bustin' a cap, just walk away

Break that cycle of hate

Try to forgive just one person and see how it makes you

feel, and see what happens...

bet the end result will be good.

Just forgive.

-Bailey, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We are sure that your ideas would be the proper once
to resolve these issues and bring peace to all. What did it take you to
know this? What made you say this? Have you forgiven someone who
has done something wrong to you? If so, is esksyl What does it take to
do so? Please, tell u% we are anxious to learn and be able to forgive.

Hard To Go Home

It seems like it's always hard to go home for me because in
my dad's home all there is, is madness and arguing.

My dad has always put me and my brothers down by just
saying stupid things like "your worthless" and "Your not
going to amount to anything."

I always have wanted to tell my dad off, but I get too
scared. I hate to face the music, but my dad will never change
and so maybe this is just how it's going to have to be?

- Christine, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: No it does not have to be like that. Yes, it maybe hard to
deal with problems at home, but they are only minor problems, problems
that can be worked out. There are professionals out there that can help.
Ask your father if he would be willing to do family counseling? Some
times our children have to be the adult, so we sk% a parent can refocus
on what we are doing wrong. We, sk% parents, are human and do make
mistakes. We hope and pray your father is open to change.

Thank Yoo

What it is with The Beat? Or, should I say, what ain't.
Today, I really don't have nothing to write about, so I wanna
give thanks. The Beat is a great magazine that always told
me I could do it even when I said I can't. People (including
myself) always want to fit in or be a part of something. In
here I've had a lot to think about, such as what I'm going
to pursue upon my release date. I've been strategically
thinking about how I can accomplish my five-year goals I
came up with.

First and foremost, I'm going to start by changing
my attitude, and the people I hang around. I know a lot
of people probably say that every week, but I've pondered
really hard, and the best way to stay away from trouble is
to be by yourself. Some people think that's hard, but I'm
becoming a man and men can stand alone. I know there
is a lot of peer pressure with people and their friends. So
I know it's going to be hard for me to just walk away from
my friends, because they might call me names like I'm a
square and everything else. But I rather be a square and
stay sharp on all corners than to be a circle and roll with
any and everything.

Thank you. See ya next week.

-Young Mari, San Francisco

From The Beat: The thanks go in both directions, Mari. One of the
most satisfying things about doing The Beat (which can bring a lot of
%siAne%% and disappointments) is watching young minds expand, seeing
boys turn into men. It gives u% hope, and hope is what we all need to
move ahead. If we disagree with anything you've said, it's this: No man
(or woman) stands alone. You may need to change the people you want
around you, but don't fall for the belief that you (or anybody) can do
it alone. We all need help. We all need a community. And we all depend
on others. About four hundred years ago, the English poet John Donne
wrote, "No man is sktt island, entire of itself/Every man is a piece of the
continent, a part of the main/.. .Any man's death diminishes me, because
I am involved in mankind..." It vtsk% true then, it is still true noiv. So, let
u% end where we began: Thank you, Omari.

What Is Mooey Worth?

What's up with The Beat? This Drew once again comin'
at ya from the Max Unit. What I want to talk about today
is money, and how much it's worth.

To many people, money is worth a lot. But in reality,
it's just a piece of paper. Yeah, I know everyone hears that
word a lot, "paper." To many people it's a thing to have.
But is paper worth ya life? Would you really put paper on
one of ya ninjas books, or do you forget about them when
they locked down? How many people do you know that's
selfish with they paper? Me, I know a lot of people that
are.

Me, myself, I care less about that shhh. I know if it
came down to it, for my family or my folks, I'll throw that
shhh away with the quickness. For me, can't no amount
of paper stop me from loving my family or my folks.

Nowadays, there's ninjas out here that forget about
they family and will do anything for a couple of dollars.
Don't get me wrong I get my money, but that shhh ain't
worth my loved ones having to suffer. If I could have all
the money in the world, I would give it to the women in my
family because they deserve to be taken care of. I feel like
the women in my family shouldn't have to worry about
anything. The males should have to work for them. But
the girls out here running around trying to do anything
for a dollar. Ya gets nothing from me.

-Drewski, San Francisco

From The Beat: It's funn^ hoiv our love of money can take over our lives,
making us forget some of the real treasures we have for nothing, like
family, like freedom. Yes, money is important to live, but like you, we
know far too many people willing to risk living for money. Maybe that's
why the Bible says the love of money (not money itself) is the root
of all evil (1 Timothy, 6:10). It seems like in this country, if you have
money you're considered successful, even if you had to cheat to get it.
And that's sk% true for the President of the country or the CEO of huge
corporations sk% it is for the lowest prisoner in the hall.

/EZ=2

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The Harsh Reality Of Life

The harsh reality of life

Watch how it unfolds

Mother nature you just

can't control

Separated by the system

Made us into victims

Conquered by design

Wish my people could

elevate their minds

Realize that your

government doesn't care

about poor people

Separated by class

'Cause we are not equal

Begging for food and water

Polluting the air

Children separated

'Cause their parents not

there

Ended up with nothing

That's why I stand for

something

I'm definitely not running

'Cause Bush and them

are not coming

Flood waters raging

It's just freaking amazing

Who's a survivor?

'Cause I'm not a looter

Who got the guns and the

Hired sharp shooter

We got to get a higher

ground

Elevate my people with the

sound

On the microphone

You know how I get down

Want more out of life,

But Black people

We always gotta fight

Put my fist in the air

'Cause the world is not fair

Dedicated to the victims of

Hurricane Katrina

-Bra bra, Alameda
From The Beat: This is such a
powerful poem. Bra bra. Keep on
writing.

Loss Of My Beloved Aoot

When I lost my aunt I felt real bad. I was very hurt. She was
my favorite aunt and I had a really good relationship with her.
When I attended her wake, it felt like a dream and I wanted to
wake up. At the funeral I was a little more sane.

I was locked up when I found out she was sick. When I
got out and went to the group home, she died four days later.
My mom didn't want to tell me. My aunt daughter, which is
my cousin, end up telling me. My heart felt like it stopped at
that point.

I always used to dream about her. Then it stopped. Just
the other night I had a dream about her. I was happy. Well,
this is how I felt when I lost someone close to me.

-Ebbie-W, San Francisco
From The Beat: You've done a fine job of explaining how devastating it
is when someone you love sk% much sk% you loved your aunt fbSk%%e%. }Ne're
sorry for your loss, and hope you live a long (and free) life so that you
can keep her memory alive with you. We know she didn't want you to be
doing the things that have led you here, so we hope you can honor her
memory by getting out of here and staying out of here.

That Special SoDieooe

Man, I got to stay up. My mind's been going left and right,
between what's right and what's wrong. I been trying to keep
myself stable, but it's hard when half of your mind wants the best
for another yet these people only care about killing a ninja.

What the hell is wrong with us kids? We need to open our
eyes and see the world for all that it's worth, not just aiming to
one goal of being a 'hood star. If that's what you want, go ahead. I
ain't stopping you. I just want what's best for all the generations
to come.

My mind's caught between all these topics and doesn't have
a clue about what it takes to make a change. I can change myself,
yet inspiring one to change their mentality takes a special
person's words. I just hope I can be that special someone to help
my generation succeed.

-Bakgwai, San Francisco
From The Beat: You already are a special someone, Bakgwai, even if
you may never know who you've inspired. All you can do, as you say, is
change yourself and hope through that change — expressed in words
and in deeds — that you will help to change others who are lost and
confused. We don't knoiv "what's wrong" with those who have killing
on their minds and in their hearts, but we can guess that the fact that
the bigger society we all share, which is killing people left and right
around the world, and spending our national fortune to do it (while the
communities that produce the killing at home go begging for resources)
has something to do with it. One thing that^ very hard to accept when
you have the desire to inspire and to change is that you cannot save the
world. But you can try, and we admire you tremendously for that.

Wheo Pops Didfl't Listeo To His Soo

It was time when my daddy didn't listen to me when I
was trying to let him know 'bout one of his ninjas. His
friend was doing something that we wouldn't never think
he would do. We all was brought up together, and that
ninja went bad.

This was the time I really needed my daddy to listen
to me for the better. My daddy always told me to talk to
him before I did anything, but this time he didn't listen
because his friend was all he had.

Now I'm locked up because his friend couldn't stop
talkin'. I'm not mad at my daddy for not listenin', but
when is he going to start? I love ma daddy till the day I
die, but when I needed him, he wasn't there for me, and
that hit me hard, right in the heart. But that a lesson to
be learnt. Love you daddy till I die.

Part 2

That was a lesson to be learnt, but would he listen next
time? I hope he do. It's so hard to forgive somebody when
they did something wrong 'cause it was too much pain
and loss. And revenge is always not a good 'cause what
you give out you get back. And nine times at of ten, it's
worse. When you hang on to hate, you become a ugly
person and people like that don't get on well in life.
Love always, your son.

-Jr. Rocket, San Francisco

From The Beat: Even though there are things in this piece that we
can't agree with, we think you've done a fine job of putting down your
feelings about a number of important things. (The part we don't agree
with is that you are locked up because your pop's friend talked too
much. You are locked up because you did things that allowed someone
to talk about... If you didn't do those things, you wouldn't be here.
There will always be snitches, sometimes even within the family, so
the only way to escape is to give them nothing to snitch about...) But
we admire you for trying to talk to your daddy, even if he wasn't ready
to listen. And we also admire even more how you see that revenge
and hate corrupt your soul and make you ugly inside. It takes a strong
person to recognize that, and to write about it. We look forward to you
sharing more of your knowledge with us.

ChaogesOf MyWroogsToRights

What if... If I turn my negatives into positives, will I still be
in here? But you know what? I would change to my negative
acts. Instead of robbing this person, I would actually go find
a job and use the money to support my family.

What if... If I was the son you always thought he was —
good and you trusted him 100% — but next thing you know
he is in the hall? Well, I'm sorry Mom and Dad. When I come
out, I would be the son you always want me to be instead of
lying to you all the time.

I'm sorry for what I've done. Being in the hall really got
my mind cleared up. When I get out, I would change into
a whole new person. Instead of robbing, I would work, and
instead of lying to my parents, I would speak the truth and to
try my best to gain the trust you had for me back. Tomorrow
(3/19/08) is one of the chances I would have to change to a
whole new man. And I am willing to change with the support
of my family and friends. But even without the support, I still
willing to change.

But I know there wont be the word "without" because my

family and friends will always be there.

-Cai, San Francisco
From The Beat: One thing we can see is that you are determined to be
the son your parents raised you to be and know that you can be. You
can turn all the "would" in this ivonderful piece into "will" and never
come back to a place like this. Our only word of advice is that change is
a process, not a product. In other words, take it one step at a time. Move
away from the things that have led you to this unfortunate holding
station in your life, but don't expect everything to change overnight.
Life is a journey of discovery that never ends, and is begun by putting
one foot in front of the other. There is no doubt that you can do it.
Now, do it!

/EZ=2

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Thinking

Damn!!!

Thinking 'bout my moms

Thinking 'bout if my pops is thinking bout me

Thinking 'bout Lil' Teddy, free that man

Thinking 'bout if I should handle his funk

Thinking 'bout when I get out what am I going to do with myself

Thinking 'bout my haters

Thinking 'bout when Fma see God or the Devil

Thinking 'bout all the enemies that's been knock

down... hello...

Thinking 'bout why I'm thinking so much

Thinking 'bout the money that's stacked

Thinking 'bout who is gonna read this

Thinking 'bout who is gonna dismiss this

Thinking 'bout who speaking

Damn we miss you Teddy,

Thinking 'bout what Judge K thinking 'bout me

Thinking 'bout all the females I snatched

Thinking 'bout what God want from me

Thinking if he turn his back on me and just going to let

me be man Free Lil Teddy

Thinking 'bout why my life is so corrupted

Thinking 'bout why my past is so destructive

Thinking to put the game of chess as my life

Thinking 'bout hittin' that lick

Or busting that character or even lettin' 'em go... na,

can't do that...

Thinking if God died for our sins why do we still sin?

My brain hurts from all this thinking

Free me and Lil Teddy the streets is missing us

It's not even me thinking it's the devil speaking out of

them walls Thinkin' bout how much blood has been

shed

Thinking' bout how many people want revenge

Thinkin' 'bout who died today

I can't think about nothing cause in reality you're doing

the Thinking and you're a dead man that going to be put

in that box or In that cell ...if you ask the statistics

-Lil' two-one, Alameda

From The Beat: Thinkin' 'bout how many of our most talented young
people waste their lives in jail/Thinlcin' 'bout how you have potential
to succeed instead of fail/Thinkin' 'bout how much life you deserve/
Thinkin' 'bout how the road ahead has a feiv curves/Thinkin' about how
you could do whatever you want.

Jnst Tn Deal Witli Tlie Rain

As a little kid, I went off to school with my lunchbox. My
uncle used to pick me up and take me home everyday. I
used to absorb every little thing he did. I loved all of the
stories he used to tell me. I took all of his advice.

Then one day he never showed up. My mom came
crying. I couldn't believe he was in the grave.

As I got older, I started hanging out with his friends.
They used to tell me all of the crazy stuff he once did.
It was like history to me. Soon I fell in love with the life
of crime - partying all night, hanging out at the beach
listening to the wind. Sometimes I felt like I needed to
come home drunker than usual just to deal with the rain
that day.

I had a dream about him the other night. I was
wondering where dreams come from? Rest in peace, Tio
Marcos.

-Oscar, Santa Cruz

From The Beat: This is a very beautiful piece Oscar, and very sad. In
just a few words it lets the reader know a lot about you. From what we
understand, although dreams have been studied for a long time, there's
much yet to be learned about why we dream and how. We'll try to get
some information to you about dreams and dreaming.

Loss, Revenge, Forgiveness

In my life, I've been through a lot of times where I've
wanted revenge. There has also been times where I've
been in the position of forgiving people.

It's hard to avoid a situation where you just going to
get revenge. It may not be able to fix the situation, but it'll
make you feel better for the moment. But still that is the
wrong solution to it. But a lot of people don't realize it.

Forgiving someone is hard to do because sometimes
you won't feel good forgiving someone for the things
they've done. Me, I've forgiven people, and I've also held
grudges to some people. But I'm mostly forgiving people
than the other way around.

When it comes to revenge, I would want it if the
incident just happen or around there. But as time pass
by, I've forgave people that I've hold grudges for a while
and I've also avoid getting revenge.

-Ramon, San Francisco

From The Beat: We admire how well you explained your feelings about
revenge and forgiveness. We're interested in how you describe what
happens when you let a little time pass between whatever it is that
makes you want to take revenge and the feeling that comes around
later. Is there something between revenge and forgiveness, something
that might make our communities safer if we let it develop?

I Never Want Tn Go Home

This topic is the best one that relates to me, sad to
say. I never want to go home because of all the pain and
sadness. I really don't have anything in this world but my
mom, brothers and sister.

My dad is a hardworking man, but an alcoholic, so he
is always arguing, he left my mom two times but this time
he didn't come back. I would see him at his place but he
kicked me out, drunk he was of course.

I live in an old mobile home park, in a small mobile
home, two rooms, one bathroom. No carpeting, the house
is pretty trashy. I never want to bring friends over because
of how embarrassing it looks. I would love to take girls to
my house, but I don't because of the same reason.

I wish I had a better life but I didn't choose it, I was
born into it.

I stay the night with my homeboys, party all day and
night and wake up at one of my boys' houses.

It's sad to see those whose parents give them
everything in life but don't take advantage of it.

It's not ever because I'm in trouble or on drugs that I
don't want to go home, it's just that I don't want to look at
that place all messed up. I am thankful though that I have
a roof over my head and somewhat food in the fridge.

My dad stopped bringing groceries and my mom
doesn't work because she is an immigrant. So you know
how that goes. She tries hard to find one (a job) though.
That is why I started to sell drugs to help out some way,
but I got caught too soon to even progress. She has some
checks from her old job that she saved, but it isn't enough.
No one understands how I feel or why I do the things I do,
so those who don't know now you do.

I'm getting too into my life so I'll cut it short. If you
guys want to hear more, put this story in The Beat, so I'll
know if you do. I hope you guys do me this favor. And to
those who got it made, don't mess it up. Listen to your
parents. Well, 'til next week Beat I'm out. Peace.

-Alex, Santa Clara

From The Beat: You are such a good writer Alex! Your honest piece on
yourself touches our hearts. We do hope things get better for you and
that you see that selling drugs is not going to make things stn^ easier,
only more hardships. To help your mom and yourself, you have to have
patience and take the long road, go to school, maybe get a part time
after school job, and get off probation. Take it one day at a time!

/EZ=2

jpi/ifimm^^wMB/ jy / ' #///

///////#/////,/// ////#///,//

Ignorant Minds

Wha's up Beat? It's Bakgwai. :) Ha ha. Can't wait to get out
this place. Another month till court, >_<. I thought I was
'bout to get out two months ago, shhh, but I guess that's the
way the cookie crumbles, ^^.

Anyways, I'ma pick up where I left off last week since I
couldn't finish.

You can't be dismayed by these ignorant minds.

Let them say what they want 'cause you'll continue to find

That ahead of you waits the most cracking of times.

Full of so many challenges and so many crimes.

Do not be afraid to be who you are

'Cause your own special talents will carry you far.

And do not be alarmed to what you might hear.

By the world that's weakened by hesitant fear.

Too often uniqueness is wrongly suppressed.

The ignorant minds keep the great ones repressed.

They are too quick to point out the thorn of a rose

Not seeing its beauty and gift to the nose.

Always know that you're special, and do what you will.

Don't listen to comments that make your soul ill.

To be rich is a blessing that costs not a cent.

It's about seeing the beauty of everyday spent.

Always remember that time travels only one way.

That is touched by the things that we do and we say.

So when I sit in my cell I make myself whole

Bettering myself body mind and soul.

-Bakgwai, San Francisco
From The Beat: Ignorance is not a disease limited to those in the hall/
We like to "know what we know" even when it makes our lives stall/
But your mind is aflame, eager to learn all that will be/Not afraid of
experience, not afraid to be free/We don't know what path has led you,
at so young skn age/To understand truths that come from a sage/But
however you got here, from valleys to mounts/The past is prologue, it^
the future that counts/So travel your path with care and respect/And
recognize that what you give is what you'll get

Loss, Revenge, Forgivneness

Today they ask you to talk about losses. I lost my mother
when I was four. She got stabbed to death on our living
room couch. I remember that night like it was yesterday.
My auntie Liz carrying me through the living room past
the couch with a bloody white sheet on it and those small
yellow boxes like the ones you see on T-V all over the
floor.

They caught the man who did it and my whole family went
to his trial. His lawyer said he was crazy and he was found
not guilty.

Over the years I used to think about hunting him down
and get revenge for taking my mother away. Then I would
think about my mother and anyone who ever knew her
said she was a very peaceful woman. I think would she
want me thinking like that, and how would that make her
feel? I am not going to lie and say I forgive him because I
don't. And I honestly don't know what I would do if I ever
seen him.

If I ever got the chance to talk to my mom I would be
kind of embarrassed because I have been messing up for
a long time and I haven't done that much for anyone to be
proud of me.

People ask me how do you live with that. You can't
really get over something like that, because a mother is
one of the most important thing s in a child's life.

-Jeremiah, Alameda

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your mother. But you do bring
up a good point, you said if you ever got the chance to talk with your
mom you would be embarrassed because you have been messing up for
a long time. It^ time to stop that trend. Time to make her proud of you.
She's still watching down on you. She's still inside of you. You're still her
son. She gave birth to a strong young intelligent man that^ gonna do
something positive with himself. Make yourself and your momma proud!
We're pulling for you!

Struggle

Man, payin' the bills is a major struggle. Always have
extra money to recoup so you can maintain your hustle.
Always watch you're back so no one pops your bubble.

Every day in life you have to struggle and strive.
I always find away to pull through it. That's why I'm still

alive.

When will struggles stop? To me there will never be an

answer.

I got a solid mom, but she's stuck at the house with

cancer.

It's a struggle watchin' her in pain having to fight it all

by herself. No matter how hard I try, that's a disease I

can't do nothin' to help.

I got my older brother graduating from the penitentiary.

He did five years so you know he's ready to come home.

My family struggles so much;

I have to provide the money to buy his clothes.

Man, another struggle is always gettin' locked up.

But Lil' Bra kept runnin' his mouth; therefore he had to

get socked up.

It's a struggle when the crime scene investigators

Are holdin' your block up.

Watchin' my sister have a baby - that was something I

can't ignore.

Ever since she made that baby boy, he's been my pride

and joy.

But she goes and parties like its nothin'.

Every time I ask her about it, she's frontin'

So therefore, I struggle for my sanity.

Now, she is partying with hella dudes.

I ask her to tell the truth, but she refuses.

So therefore, I get pissed.

She looks at it like it just another dude,

but I look at it like it's another name on my list.

I struggle to keep my mom happy in life.

Together we go through the struggle and strive.

Can't stop how I'm livin' without thinkin' thrice

Losin' my father to the pen — drug deal gone bad.

Bet he did what he did and didn't think about me.

Now I'm always in the hall with a pen mentality.

It was a drug deal he didn't have to win, but couldn't

help himself. Left my mom stranded with five kids with

no type of help.

-Lil' Mousie, Alameda

From The Beat: You've lived the life of a thousand soldiers/you're just
in your teens but you feel so much older/and now it's time to straighten
your shoulders/you gonna live a better life than your pops? Or just
harder and colder?

My Loss

I felt lost, when my cousin Anabelle died, because she
did a lot for me. I can remember, when she took me out to
her house. When I was like seven or eight years of age she
bought me a Rhino bike it was gold and silver.

Man that was the best day of my seven year old life. I
miss her to death when she died. I really wanted to cry,
but I knew she would not have wanted me to.

If I could bring back her I would bring her back, but
that cannot happen. So I have to live with the heartbreak.
The only thing I can really do is help raise my little
cousin.

-Correy, Alameda

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your cousin. She sounds like
she was a real special person in your life. But like you said she wouldn't
have wanted you crying for her. But she probably wouldn't have liked
it either if you were coming in and out of the halls. So make her proud
and stay out the system and help raise your little cousin.

i^i^r^

7 nn

What Do You Do?

What do you do

When all you know

Is Pyrex stirs

And raging anger

Leads to vision blurs

And you know nothing

About the constitution

But can lead

A conversation about prostitution

Or drug distribution

Which leads to your

Being locked in an institution

What do you do

When you're not even 18

And your past haunts you

And only way to run

Is to drink, pop and light a few

Seriously, stop and be true

Tell me, what do you do?

-T-Rex, Alameda

From The Beat: Terrific rhyme.. .So we put the question bade on you -
when temptation hits, what do YOU do?

Mooey Over Everything

I'm trying get to the riches

That's why it's money over beezies

I gotta manipulate her mind

And never let her waste my time

I gotta get my dough yeah you all ready know

She got me riding on four's

Yeah it's all on a roll me a fat purple blunt

And let her know it's time to stunt

I grabbed the Remy and start to sippin'

I give a damn if she tripping

Nacho do it for the streets

This purple game is too deep

I'm just trying let ya'k now

And I'mma do it till I d.i.e

She say she really love me she calls me her daddy

I'm all about my money she thought she really had me

-Nacho, Alameda

From The Beat: You do it for the streets. Why don't you just do things
for yourself? Why everybody vtsknnsk do things for everyone else but
themselves? When you're locked up the streets aint writing you skn^
letters or even thinking about you. Don't be a sucker, we have too many
already locked up thinking the same we you think.

Noiij ind Scoib)

I have two sides of me. Novoj is the good side of me,
Scooby is the bad side.

When I'm at school, I'm Novoj. When I'm on the
streets, I'm Scooby. Sometimes when I'm at school,
Scooby is there, but not most of the time.

When I'm with my family, I'm both. Sometimes my
friends call me "Double" because I live the double life.

When I'm at home, I take care of my sister, chill with
my mom and help her out. When I'm at school, I pay
attention and do my work. When I'm on the streets, I
take care of business. If you are my friend, you will see
the both of me. If you are my enemy, you see a bad and
disrespectful side of me. That's Novoj and Scooby.

-Scoob, Santa Clara

From The Beat: TtutVt is, depending on the situation, we can seem to be
lots of different folks. But we know that's just what it seems. In reality,
each of u% is a uniquely singular person with the potential to behave
in various ways. What's important is that we learn to not let any one
aspect of our personality get out of hand.

Foroiveness

Forgiveness is hard to get, hard to receive.

For the fact people always hold grieves.

Why is it that people always hold back?

Try to forget it by building up money stacks.

Haven't they heard forgive and forget?

Trust me, it will take away a lot of debt.

See, I had to learn this the hard way

Asking for my forgiveness Monday through Sunday

Now his doors are closed for me.

All because I was trying to be all I can be

In good, but more for the worse

Now the friendship we could've had burst

For my mistake to take his apology

To make it worse, I see him every day in biology

I guess we'll remain enemies forever

It went on for too long. . . people say "One day, I say "Never"

Why I don't know. I guess it's the history

Will we ever reunite? I don't know, that's a mystery

I just wanted to let y'all know

It ain't always about dough

'Cause, see, two homies riding together

Always makes life that much better

-Lefty, Santa Clara

From The Beat: If we understand this correctly. Lefty, you refused to
accept someone's apology, and sk% a result, you see no way to mend a
fractured relationship. Is that it? If so, we can only say that "forever"
and "never" are things we just can't know. What seems like forever may
not be. Change is the one certainty in life, so don't count it out. You're
right, though, it is difficult both to forgive and to accept forgiveness.
But you're even more right that friendship makes life that much easier
to maneuver. So, if there^ a way, you may want to make that extra

effort.

Forgive Your Eoemies

When God made us he made us with a choice

to do the right thing,

and make the right choice.

Now think how God feels at how we kill and rob,

doing all this with gangs and some of us in mobs.

Now think about God and if he doesn't forgive.

And think about if he gives a damn if we live.

Think about it

Now think aren't you happy for our God,

And are you happy?

He gave us another chance not to kill and rob

Now put yourself in his place.

Can't you forgive? Forgive your enemies.

Man, that's only God's wish.
It's not hard. It's not easy, but it's right.

-Joshua, Santa Cruz

From The Beat: The Bible says turn the other cheek, but some think if
you do that you'll appear weak, have you followed these words in your
own lifetime, forgiven someone for their crime? You're the teacher tell
u% what you did, and maybe inspire some other kid.

How to Reach Me

I remember one of my previous masters had instructed
me on how to clear my mind and let my body think. By
the time I understood what he said, the sparring match
was over and my fellow student lay defeated. All that was
left to do was bow to my opponent,

then to my sensi, and take on my next challenger in
the next lesson. I guess when I'm fighting it is a good
time for me.

-Wolverine, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Do you think you could VL%e your powers of concentration
and focus to avoid situations like the one that resulted in your
incarceration? Your sensi would surely approve.

i^MTc

7 nn

Day In, Day Out

My ways are vital

Something like the Bible

Ride to my own beat

Unlike most foo's I see

Always imitated
Pero nunca duplicated

It's in my nature

So I don't gotta fake it

Vatos claim to be down

I'm like, "Dang, homie, aren't we all?"

I seen the sickest barrios rise

And the weakest ones fall

In the calles I roam

Ain't no mercy shown

Cuetasos to your dome

Will make a cemetery your home

My crazy life ain't nothing nice

Nobody makes it out without a price

-Grumpy, San Francisco

From The Beat: We can't tell if you're celebrating that crazy life where
nothing is nice, or lamenting it. When you get out, do you plan to go back
to doing what got you here, or will there be some major changes? Your
future (and your freedom) depend on the answer to that question.

Hate

When I lose someone close to me, it feels like an atomic
bomb has erupted in my heart. Now, mourning over a loss
is just the kick-start to revenge. No, revenge does not
take away your loss, but it's a damn good substitute, a
damn good one.

Who taught me about revenge is irrelevant, but I got
my ways to busting power moves, ya dig. I learned about
revenge when my big bra was killed and I've been full of
hate ever since. Hanging on to hate doesn't do nothing
but mold you into what you feel, and that's hate. A ninja
full of hate ain't nothing but a beast. Me, I'm a goon and
I'm FED UP with this shhh. So I'ma go beast till I'm put
down six feet.

-Fed-Up Gloss, San Francisco

From The Beat: The honesty you bring to what you write gives it a
power beyond just your words. We wish we could wave a magic wand
to take away some of that hate, fueled by pain, that you're carrying

I around, but there is no such magic. What is the shhh you're so fed up
with? is it the system that keeps you a prisoner, a modern-day slave?
Or is it your own choices that lead you to this situation? Being six-feet
under will take away your pain, but at what cost to others who love
you? And death may not be the worst of it... How you die and how long
it takes can be worse than that final rest.

Loss, Revenge, Forgiveness

To tell you the truth, losing someone that you love or
know hurts like hell! I can't really explain the feeling,
but it's just a feeling that you would wish you never
felt before! It's sad to lose a loved one. especially if that
person whom you love died of a murder. Then you feel the
need of revenge against that person!

Revenge... Man, feeling the need of revenge ain't
cool at all because you be mad and just ready to bust
somebody' melon off! But you could handle the situation
differently. It ain't easy to forgive someone, but eventually
you will in the long run.

I'm out!

-Lil' Nicoya, San Francisco

From The Beat: We knoiw through our own experience that forgiveness
is very hard to accomplish. But by that same experience, we also know
that when it happens, it's like a great weight lifted off one's shoulders.
Thank you for expressing, sk% best you can, how much it hurts to lose
someone you love. Sometimes, words are just not up to the task of
expressing what our emotions make u% feel. And thank you for the
advice about time easing the pain, and the desire to get even.

How I Feel

It seems like I always take a loss

That's what happens when ninjas hatin' when you shine

like a New Gloss

Listen to me, it ain't good to take a loss

'Specially when you at home living like a boss

I keep my ears to the streets and keep my mouth closed.

Stay on my toes, under pressure I done watched how

y'all froze

Man that's the life y'all chose

People talk this and that, about how they did this and that,

But don't know that revenge comes right back

Me, I just learned how to react, sit back and watch my

chips stack

I know I don't did a lot in my short life and I can't take

nothin' back

I'm just relentless.

But every night I ask God for forgiveness

-Full Of Envy Bud, San Francisco

From The Beat: There are two lines in this tight poem that caught our
eye. The first is that you're sitting back watching your chips stack. We
don't know how you're making those chips, but what are you risking?
Are the lessons you've learned worth more or less than those chips? The
second is your asking God for forgiveness. What actions do you believe
have to accompany your prayers to be forgiven? in other words, what
is God praying to you?

Kyle's Vampire Story - Prologue \

The year is 2008 and I'm writing this while hiding from
human civilization because my species is what they call
vampires. Yes, we drink blood, but very rarely do we
accidentally kill human partners while doing it. We do
have better-than-human senses, agility and strength. We
live in wilderness areas outside of the more populated
areas. We live in big houses so that we can live with our
human partners.

My clan's name is Kint. The human partners and
vampires are part of it. The clan's town is made up of
20 adult female vampires, 10 adult male vampires, 20
juvenile male vampires, 40 juvenile female vampires,
360 adult male humans, 360 adult female humans, 540
juvenile female humans and 540 juvenile male humans.
The total amount of people is 3070.

In my house there is my father; his two wives, one of
which is my birthmother; my two sisters; their human
partners. That's 48 human adults in the house. Half are
male, and half are female. There are 72 kids. So just in my
family house there are 125 people!

Ok. So, I'm the youngest vampire in my family. I'm
60 years old, and we vampires live to be 700 years old.
My sisters are 65 and 70, which is pretty closely stacked

I together.
Oh, I almost forgot, my name is Lark. My dad's name
is Shark, and my sisters are CC and Rica. My mom's
are Julia and Daana. My human partners are all female.
Their names are J J, Laura, Chelsea, Rita, Jessica, Robin,
Christina and Michelle.

I'm an experiment. I'm the only vampire who can go
out during the day. Although I do get bad sunburn, it
helps to wear and I love sunglasses. Other vampires can't
even stay awake during the day, but I can.

Our religion is Wicca, which is witchcraft. We are
the ones who started it. Not I per say, but vampires did.
However, I don't get to practice or even read witchcraft

I books, let alone do spell.
-Kyle, Alameda

From the Beat: We've got the bacicground set and now we're ready for
Chapter One. A few questions: Are you on the side of Good or Evil? Do
you have stny connection with Dracuia? Is it true about the garlic? And .
what about silver bullets? Keep this story flowing! I

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

Who am I?

Does anybody know,

because I don't know.

Fm me every day but who am I?

I wake up every morning, see the same face and hear the

same voice.

But I don't know who I am.

Is it because all of the stress is pulling me away from

who I am?

Or is it all of the problems?

Maybe I'm just another person in this world of hate and

violence.

Or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough to find me.

Or am I just a rolling ball of bad memories, trying to

find a hole of fire to roll into.
I just don't know. So can anybody tell me who I am?

-Keenan , Santa Clara

From The Beat: Perhaps you are all of the above and a whole lot more.
You might be a writer, for instance. We bet you are a good friend, to
someone, maybe to more than 'someone'. You are probably a loving son.
You're no doubt a curious fellow. Yes, we're sure of it - you are more than
you can possibly now know. We're quite sure you'll get to know yourself
better, sk% the years roll on.

Loss, Revenge, Foroiveness

What's up Beat? How all you doing out there? This week
I wanted to share this with those who think life is bad.
Could you imagine not having your mom by your side all
the time in childhood but yet knowing she's still alive?
Well that's me, and a lot of people out there.

I lost my mom when I was less than a year old but I
didn't let that hold me back. Most people asked if I wanted
revenge for her leaving me, I said no 'cause I know she
loved me just like I loved her and then I got the chance to
meet her at the age of 15, I am now 16 and all I could do
was forgive her for not being there.

-Harry Potter, Alameda

From The Beat: You're absolutely right. All you can do is forgiver her for
not being there, and move on and try to strengthen your relationship
with her. You can't make up for the lost time, but just put it behind
and start a new bright future. You're a smart, stop wasting your time
coming here.

Pain Went Thrnugh My Heart

Pain went thru my heart when I lost one of my close

homies

I sit here and ask myself, why couldn't that bullet be for

me? Maybe it just wasn't time for me to leave.

But I have to smoke some blunts of weed

In order for that stress and pain to leave.

One day I'll meet him again but for now in my heart

I keep my very close loving dead friend.

I remember it like it was yesterday

I'ma be a father and husband, and my homie would say

But little did he know that death for him was only a few

days away.

He took two to the head

And at the scene unfortunately he was pronounced dead.

A couple of weeks later a funeral he had

Of course I was there for the homie that was always

there for me And my back he had.

Losing him was very sad,

I felt a lot of pain and because he was very close to me

...it made and makes me feel mad and bad.

-Mac, Alameda

From The Beat: We're so sorry you lost your friend. But with these words
you bring him back to life for a minute: We feel both the loss and the
love you had for him. Thanks for sharing this powerful piece with The

Mis Dns Amions

Me acuerdo la vez que sali de Honduras. Sali con unos
amigos y en el camino despues de estar acompafiado
12 dias, quede solo por unos cuantos dias. Al siguiente
dia, me enferme y no pude caminar mas. Espere a que
me encontrara una muchacho que viviera en mi mismo
barrio. Encontre a uno pero no lo conocia. El fue el quien
me ayudo para seguie adelante.

Gracias a Dios y a el, estoy aqui. Los dos son mis
grandes amigos y se los agradezco toda mi vida. Por el
estoy vivo y tengo lo que tengo. Hemos trabajado por ser
algo.

From The Beat:Ese si fue una gran persona. Le debes la vida a e%sk persona.
Esperamos que algun dia cuando Mesk% a un necesitado, lo ayudes como
te ayudaron a ti. La vida y tu Dios te han dado otra oportunidad que
hagas de tu vida algo bueno. Recuerda que a tite dieron vida, no para
que quites vidas con lo que vendes.

My Best Two Friends

I remember the time I left Honduras. I left with two
friends. After being with them for 12 days, we separated
and I spent a few days alone. The next days after those
days, I got sick and I couldn't walk anymore. I waited for
someone from the same 'hood to find me, but I didn't find
one. I meet another, but I didn't know him. He was the
one who helped me to continue with my journey.

Thank to God and him I'm here. They are my best
friends and I thank them with all my life. Because of his
help, I'm alive and I have what I have. We have worked to
be someone.

-Luis, San Francisco

From The Beat: He is a good person. You owe him your life. We hope you
some day do return the favor to skn^one who'll be in need, and help them
the same way you were helped. Life and God has given you another
opportunity to make something good out of your life. Remember that
you were helped to keep your life, not to take life away by selling what
you sell.

lat I
lat I

When Did It Start?

When did it start? It all started in temple when I was 13.
I used to go to temple every Sunday to pray to Buddha.
On this certain week there was this new guy that started
going. My cousin introduced me to him.

We got to know each other and I found out he was
a gangbanger. It wasn't like I wanted to be one. But we
started hanging out outside of temple. I still remember
the first time we hung out. He called me and said "I'ma
come over with some of my friends to hang out."

I said "OK, let's meet halfway"

Me and my brother end up riding bikes to meet him
halfway. When we finally met up with him I was dazed...
to me they really looked older but really they were the
same age as me. They had bandanas hanging from their
left pockets, and they were eight deep. I was introduced
to all of them. We ended up going to the movies too. Later
that day I called my Dad and told him that I was spending
a night at a friend's house with my brother.

We ended up staying out the whole night throwing
rocks at windows, and cruising the streets on bikes. I
got to know them and started hanging out with them a
lot. I got introduced to weed, cigarettes, alcohol, sex, and
much more.

I hope it started off differently.

-Insane Viet, Alameda

From The Beat: You can't control how your story started, because that
was all in the past. But you can control how it ends, you can control
what you do with it. You can control whether you go back to that
lifestyle once you get out. What do you think, ln%sine Viet, is it time to
let some sanity back in?

i^i^r^

7 nn

Fear

I "

Sometimes I fear to walk the block with my homies.

Never know when Fma come across a rival that might

know me.

I struggle and strive to keep my sanity, hustle on and off

the block to provide for my family.

I fear 'cause I never know when I'ma get hit, scared,

spooked like a PC'd up prisoner known as a snitch.

I guess you could say I fear of change, never seeing

myself graduate or do good. All I ever know is my rag

hangin' out, my pocket always standin' solid to the

hood.

Never been a punk, but I get fear in my lungs when it's

time to dump.

All it takes is one buck to hit the pen. I'd volunteer

myself in a war that we ain't guaranteed to win.

I have fear to lose my life. When I'm thinkin' of change,

I always think twice. I don't know why. Do you know

why?

I stay solid to my culture, my people and my pride.

For those who had no fear ended up losing their lives.

All the hatred, mistreatment-that's something that just

can't pass by.

Another great big fear in my life is losing my mother.

Always kept it real, stood solid like no other. What can I

say? I love her.

She's my pride and joy.
Everyone in my family knows me as her Mijo, her little boy.

As you can see on the left side of my neck, I got her

name.

I guess you can say my ultimate fear is seeing her watch

me lose my life to the gang.
I also fear to grow up livin' life by myself. I need a wifey

at that:

Someone to always stand by my side.

Someone to always have my back.

Someone with pretty hair and a pretty smile.

Someone to settle me down even though it might take a

while.

I fear not to love or have no one to love me.

I want a wife, kids, people who are close to me.

A happy successful life, something life's supposed to be.

-Lil' Mousie, Alameda

From The Beat: Mousie, this time we're not even going to try to flow
bade at you. You've said everything there is to %x^ in this piece. The life
you've caught up in, the love you feel inside, your hopes and dreams
for the future. You already icnow what it will taice to honor the love you
feel for your mom, and you icnow, we hope that the boy she loves and
the man she expects you to be are the REAL you. Are you going to get
past all the BS and find your way to him?

Facing Your Troubles At Home

There were times I was outside and I didn't want to go
home to deal with the drama. So instead of dealing with
it, I just ran away from it, hoping that it was forgot about.
So I went home the next day, finding out that it only made
the trouble worse.

So pretty much what I'm trying to say is if you know
you're in trouble, go home and deal with it instead of
waiting three or more days later, because it could be two
times worse then it already is

-Clay, San Francisco

From The Beat: This is some excellent advice, it's not the easiest advice
to follow {sk% you know), but facing things squarely instead of running
from them is one sign of maturity. Children run from their problems.
Responsible adults don't.

I I

Anoer

Anger is somthin' that loves to come to me.

Anger is dcingerous, vicious - something it's known to be.

But it's all a mind statement.

It's about how you handle it.

Half the world is filled with anger and that's no doubt.

It's got me circlin' the block lookin' for rivals

just to get my anger out.

To me anger is uncontrollable. It gets my body all tight

in knots.
I always act on how I'm feeling whether I think about my

options or not.

Most people get mad because of the way they live their life.

Just flashin' on people taking flight without thinking

twice.

People know money goes round and round.

But every direction they go, it ain't been found.

So they get mad and they let anger get to them.

So they load that extra clip, carrying that heavy metal on

their hip.

Either way you choose to grind, Lil' Bra,

the government walks away with the most clips.

Anger gets to you so quick, you can't do you.

Anger knows where it wants to be so it does what it

choose.

It's up to you: Think about the war.

So many people lost their kids and wives.

They put in work for their country, ended up losing their lives.

Man, don't that get you heated inside.

They were men puttin' it down with so much pride.

Think about the people in the pen.

They once were on the street, slippin' and slidin' and

grindin'.

Now they in the pen 'cause anger made them make

mistakes.

Now they do hard time with hella different fools eatin'

off their plate.
Now anger got you filled with pain, sorrow and mostly

hate.
And that's something, Lil Bra, I ain't going to take.

-Lir Mousie, Alameda

From The Beat: Now that you see behind the scenes, can you beat it?
The food they're offering you is poisoned, you still gonna eat it? The
system is hungry, you gonna feed it? Or can you step up, look at your
old life, man up and delete it.

Luss

What's up Beat? This is Lil' Bj writing about loss and

revenge.
I lost a sister and a lot of friends and I have to say it is

not cool.

The pain people go through when they lose a love one.

Sometimes they need revenge so they can feel the same

pain you feel

or sometimes they be so mad that they don't think

before they do it.

Maybe sometimes you just don't care anymore now

you're ready to do anything.

It's a shame when you with someone one day, and the

next day or month they're gone. Rest in Peace: Doobie,

Stevie, Rob-bin, Jae, Grashanda.

-Lil' Bj, Alameda

From The Beat: Losing a loved one, whether it be to violence on the
streets or to whatever cause maybe is very difficult to deal with. It's part
of life but it shouldn't have to be that way. And you're right sometimes
we might not care and start acting without thinking. But we need to
catch ourselves and value our lives a lot more. Our folks pass away and
we need to be strong and hold it down for them in this life. Rest in
Peace to everyone that has passed. We can't use the loss of a loved one
sk% skn excuse to sabotage our oiAfn lives.

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

100%

Y'all ain't 100%

When I was out with y'all

Y'all was 100%

When I had funk

Y'all was 100%

When I needed some money

Y'all was 100%

When I go to jail

Y'all aint 100%

When I need mail

Y'all ain't 100%

When I said put money on the phone

Y'all ain't 100%

When I said send pictures

Y'all ain't 100%

But if y'all was me

I'd be 100%

Now all I see

Who was 100%

Y'all still my dogs

But y'all ain't 100%

-Herzog, Alameda

From The Beat: The only ones that can be 1 00% is your family that loves
you and cares about you no matter what. And the only other person
you can depend is yourself. You need to not get into skn^ trouble. So
you won't have to depend on anyone. Only you can look out for you
and nobody else.

I hope I get out tomorrow wkeM I go
to court, 'cause /'m sIcK and tired of
this food, /'m sicK and tired of this
fake water and soap, and I'm sick
and tired of these four walls.

I I I

Sick ind Tired i! leiig Sicii and Tired

I am soooo ready to go home. I'm sick and tired of being
here!

Y'all don't understand how bad I want some Popeye's!
Sometimes I think I should be a spokesperson for them,
considering how many chicken strips I've purchased and
BBQ sauce I've bought. Two bbq's and one ranch and one
honey for my biscuit, unless I get two or three with my
Raspberry Iced Tea.

Anyways I miss my baby (my lil' sister) Niyah, but I
call her Craflyah 'cause when she was a baby she use to
always cry. She still does, a big 'ole baby and she's five
and a half.

I'm tired of being here. I could be doing cool things
right now. I really need a 'port and I don't even smoke!
That show you how stressed to the game I am!

I miss my queen size bed! It's really a full size but
right now it would feel like a queen size bed.

I hope I get out tomorrow when I go to court, 'cause
I'm sick and tired of this food, I'm sick and tired of this
fake water and soap, and I'm sick and tired of these four
walls.

-Don'Janae, Alameda

From The Beat: We hope you get out too, but we also hope that you
don't end up back in jail. Clearly, you can't stand it in here, but is that
enough of a motivation to keep you from doing anything illegal when
you are on the outs? We hope so.

Alabama

I knew this guy they called Alabama. He's an older guy
about forty. He was always hanging in front near my
house. He was a drug addict and sold drugs too.

I went outside and talked to him for a while. I never
went to school so I would be outside hiding from the
police and, selling drugs. He told me he was going in for
life because he killed someone. I was laughing, but he
was serious. He told me it was because someone touched
his daughter. Me and him were selling and he showed me
all the good spots to go because he knew people.

He went with me to sign up for school and always
told me I should try to do something. He asked me if he
should go to court and fight the case on his court date or
stay out til they get him. I didn't know what to say.

It was fun sometimes hanging out with him but
other times were bad. Lots of fights he was in because
of other drug addicts. But it all came to an end when
we were in an abandoned house downtown. I guess the
police raided it the day before. A guy tried to stab him
because he wouldn't let him in to smoke. And another
guy that he was with told them to fight one on one and
when they were fighting the cops came and surrounded
the whole house. I ran through the back of the house with
some other guy and got away. I turned around behind the
bushes and seen blood on him with handcuffs on. Ever
since that day I always appreciate life and, when I get out
of here, I'm going to stay out.

-Trey, Santa Clara

From The Beat: We do hope this near fatal incident is your wake up
call. There is nothing glamorous about the life that Alabama led. What
is your plan to staying out of jail?

It's Ridiculous

1 1

did a burglary when I was fifteen. I did my time and
passed my programs. Then out of nowhere my mom leaves
the country. The punk judge fails me from community
service because my mom was no longer my guardian.

It's ridiculous how I get sent to Ohio to live with my
Dad. It's ridiculous how while I was in Ohio, they had
court out here giving me a bench warrant.

It's ridiculous out in Ohio, so I took a Greyhound
back to California. It's ridiculous how I got set up after 7
months of living on my own.

It's the most ridiculous how they want to send me
to Y-A alternative for 12 months for not doing shhh! All
these punks wanna test me because I'm the only white
boy down for my kind. But it's only shhh talkers behind
my back. These unprofessional system people funkin'
with us like they're hard. So condescending, patronizing.
I'm the youngest thirty year old you'll ever meet. And the
reality of the matter is I'd be off probation right now if
my mom was here, and if I did get in trouble, I'd be back
on house arrest. Instead they say they might send me to
Nevada. Damn this shhh is too ridiculous.

-D, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Sounds messy. So your mom bolts, the system then sends
you to Ohio, and then has a court proceeding out here in California while
you're in Ohio and then issues a bench warrant? How did you find out
about this? Did they contact your dad? And what did your dad do when
you came back to California? Did he report to your probation officer or
notify the courts? Sounds to us like right now what's best for you is to
get thru your program, and get out of the system. Not sure how old you
are, but you might want to look into getting emancipated, so you can
live on your own, without further problems. Take responsibility, don't
get careless, the system will beat you at that game!

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

My Loss

Damn! Fm going to talk about two people. Well, the first
one is my grandpa. My family lost him in 1998 a few days
after Christmas. It was a lost cause. I was very close to
him and he treated me like I was his hija, that's how close
we were.

Now, that I'm a little older, I feel a big emptiness
inside me and I had make a big promise that I was going
to get a tat and its been a month already that I've had it
and all I have to say is that I love him and R.I.P. Jose Avila,
12-28-98.

The second person that I lost is my unborn child.
It was a few months ago. I was about 3 and a 1/2 to 4
months pregnant. That loss was very painful and stressful
because it was going to be a very good thing in my life. I
was really happy to bring this baby in this world. So those
are the things I have lost in my life, so thanks for having
a min to read this. To all in here keep your heads up.

-Kelia, Santa Clara

From The Beat: We all take losses and like the %un rise and fall everyday
- so do we. It's all about your understanding and drive to continue on
that gives you real closer from that what has been lost to you. Nothing
lasts forever unfortunately.

BecDHiiiglMan....

Its not always easy becoming a man, you can always say
you're a man 'cause it's much easier said than done. A
man isn't someone who runs from responsibility, a man
isn't someone who's not able to be depended on, a man
isn't someone who has no job, who depends on the next
person to provide their needs, well I've broken down the
steps of what's isn't a man now let me explain to you in
my eyes what's a man.

To me a man is someone who's always owning up and
taking responsibility for his actions, a man is someone
who provides, not get provided for, a man is someone who
works hard for a living, a man is someone who depends
on no one but himself, a man is someone who listens
more than he talks because he knows he doesn't know
everything. He can always be taught something, and last
but not least, a man never cries when he's corrected,
when he knows he's in the wrong, he just takes it and
rolls. In my eyes this is what it's about.

-Lil' New Orleans, Alameda

From The Beat: You have a good head on your shoulders. You're right
about everything you said we couldn't have said it better ourselves.
Being a man is accepting the consequences for your actions, and taking
responsibility. You are a very special person because you're so young and
yet you have all this knowledge. Most people go through their whole
lives not knowing what a real man is or at least what the characteristics
are to define what a man is. And you have hit the head on the nail with
a hammer and we hope you don't let your brilliant mind go to waste.
Educate your peers!

La Seiiora De Mexico

Esto me paso en Mexico. Cuando venia en el camino
desde Hondura, una sefiora sin conocerme me dejo vivir
unos meses en su casa. Gracias a Dios, por ella no sufri.
Me daba comida y gracias a ella me consiguio trabajo. Asi
pude ganar un poco de dinero para seguir adelante hacia
aca.

Logre Uegar a los Estados Unidos, y ahora gracias
a Dios estoy donde estoy. Voya ala casa de mi abuela,
a quien le cuento mis problemas. Ella es la quien me
aconseja y me dice que busque a Dios que haga lo bueno y
que tenga fe en Dios porque El es lo mejor en esta vida.

Se siente sofocado y triste y como que hace falta algo
en nuestro corazones cuando uno toma venganza en
alguien.

Se siente furioso cuando le han hecho algo y lo
maltratan a uno. Ese odio adentro y tienes ganas de
quitarle la vida alguien.

From The Beat: Que bien que Y%«yskn gente sk%\ con un gran corazon.
Acuerdate de e%sk persona quien te tendio la mano. Nunca olvides lo
que ella hizo por ti. Acuerdate siempre de e%sk ayuda porque seria una
pena que olvidara lo que ella hizo por ti. A lo mejor no tienes idea de
lo que ella hizo por ayudarte. Dale a tu abuela la atencion que ella se
merece. "Aveces uno no sabe lo que tiene hasta que lo pierdes," siempre
recuerda este dicho.

The Lady From Mexico

This happened to me in Mexico. When I was coming from
Honduras, a lady who didn't know me let me live in her
house for a few months. Thank God because of her I
didn't suffer. She would feed me and thank to her I found
a job. That how I gained some money to continue with my
journey.

I made it to the US, and thanks to God I'm here. I'm
going to live at my grandmother's house. She is the one
who I share my problems with. She's the one who advise
me to do good things, and tells me to have faith in God
because He is the best in this life.

It feels suffocated, very sad, and an emptiness in our
heart when you take revenge against someone.

It make you feel furious when someone has done
something to someone you care and when they mistreated
you. That hate stores inside and you feel like taking a life
way.

-Francisco, San Francisco

From The Beat: it^ to know that there are people who have a big heart.
Don't about that person who extended her hands to help you. Don't
forget what she did for you. Always remember that help because it
would be unfair if you forget her effort. You may not have an idea of
what she must have gone through to help you. Give your grandmother
the attention she deserves. "Sometimes you don't know what you got
until you loose it." Always remember that saying.

Rather Be Stoned

|ot I

The days I don't wanna go home

Are the days I wanna get stoned

Just sittin' smoking and jokin'

The grapes is what I be tokin'

So high in the sky I don't know why

But all this buUshhh brings a tear to my mom's eye

To see her cry makes me feel bad

She did the same with my dad

He was never there when I was young

But now those days are all done

So why can't I be good and choose the right path

It's hard to do but one day I hope my wish comes true.

-Sg, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Your wish can come true! It is so on you. You make the
choice to better your life and joy will come over your mom and we bet
even you!

i^MTc

7 nn

//// //

?olicesatfaiftanon the street stepped
in front of fftif grandfather's car, and
when nttf grandfather stopped kis car,
the man walked np to the side of his
car and shot him in the head.

I ■ ■ ■

Ike Da) I lost M) Grandfatler

The day I lost my grandpa was a very hard time. He died
three years ago yesterday. Police say a man on the street
stepped in front of my grandfather's car, and when my
grandfather stopped his car, the man walked up to the
side of his car and shot him in the head. The police say he
then threw my grandpa out of the car and took his money
and droveS off in my grandpa's car.

This lady that was a witness went over to my grandpa's
side and called the police. When the police identified
my grandpa, they called our house and told us that had
happened. My whole family broke down for weeks. They
eventually found my grandpa's car, but they didn't find
my grandfather's killer. But they did have a picture of his
murderer, and I look a good look at it, and swore to myself
I would avenge his death.

I will try and find my grandfather's murderer, and ever
since, I wanted to get revenge. But I've never found him,
and that was that.

Well, that's all I got to say for today's piece.

-Niko, Santa Clara

From The Beat: This is a very sad but well-written description of a
tragedy that should never have happened. We are so sorry that you
experienced this loss, and especially in the way your grandfather died.
Too many people only think of themselves — their wants, their needs,
their desires — and never about what they do to the people left behind.
Even though what this man did is a terrible and unforgivable crime,
we're glad you never found him, because if you took your own revenge,
there's a good chance that your family would also have to deal with
losing you to the system. Your responsibility now is to live a long life so
that you can carry your grandpa's memory for many years to come.

The Game

In the cuts in the

Street, drug dealers, gangsters

Pimp, players, and hustlers.

Being a savage trying

To survive with out

Knowing they are the

Killers. Without good

Guidelines they can not

Learn to move forward.

Hustling, stealing chips.

And killing will not set

You free.

Many are falling into this game because of the

temptation for money, power,

or respect. Many claim

a gang or crew, in order to gain it faster. Not

knowing the fast lane is

a horrifying disaster.

In order to move on

You have to sit down and think

Willing hoping if you got it

Within. Knowing you need to

Stop, after a while you fall in your spot.

-Blaze, Alameda

From The Beat: "After a while you fall in your spot". You said it. ... you
drop real wisdom in this poem... are these things you've witnessed or
gone through yourself?

The Life I Lived

Do you really understand the life that I live?

Where a ninja fast to take but so slow to give

Mama working overtime but no food in the fridge

This is the life I've lived

Pops not around moms doing it on her own

Doing everything she can to keep her kids at home

But you love her cause she tries even though she all

alone

This is the life I've lived

With dad not around it was like he didn't care

No money in our pockets and food was barely there

When he did come around it was nothing but a stare

This is the life I lived
Gave my life to the streets and started to sell drugs

Started getting older and we all became thugs

I couldn't leave the streets that's where I felt loved

This is the life lived

My family got better but I became worse

Only coming home to put money in moms purse

Out committing crimes while others are at church

This is not the life to live.

-Jake, Alameda

From The Beat: You said it yourself this is not the life to live. That
lifestyle is only gonna guarantee you a couple things for sure, and that^
jail time, and talcing more losses. We don't want you to lose your life to
this game cause in reality it^ not a game. There are other things you can
do for money and legit ways to hustle to make some do. But don't risk
your freedom or your life for some dirty money.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //// //

^//.

I Could've Helped Out

The days I didn't want to go home

Was when I was mobbin' in the streets,

Nickel and dimin', puttin' jewels around my wrist,

And fresh kicks on my feet.

But where I messed up

Was not makin' sure the household had something to eat.

Even though mama had three jobs, I could've helped out.

At least gave her a call instead of her being left out.

And because of that, those were the days I didn't want to

go home.

-Lil' Dee

From The Beat: The thing is, your family doesn't just need the money
you bring in, your family needs you out of jail and being successful in
life so that you can eventually get out of the ghetto and into a better

life.

Falsely Accused

Yo, "Judge"

Excuse me, judge

This is a bunch of bull

I don't know this witness

And every day I stay in school

Backpack on my shoulders

And books in my hand

3.8 GPA

Just look at me, man

I stay to myself

And don't worry 'bout nobody else

Plus, I got check stubs

Just to prove I got legal wealth

And if anybody has been

Falsely accused

It's me. . .

four-walls entertainment

Free the "CEO" (me)

-T-Rex

From The Beat: We don't know the details of your case, but we do know
it's time to add sktt open door to those four walls, so you can get back
to rhyming for real - plus that 3.8 could have you UC-Berkeley bound.
Have you thought about your future? Where do you plan to end up?

Ever since we moved out I spend tffore
time with mif famiiif. i'm not mad he-
canse I moved out of the kood.

The Day I Get Out

When I get out, I'm gonna stay out.

I don't want to come back to the Hall because it be
hella boring. We be stuck in our rooms doing shhh. When
I get out I'ma be with my family all the time. I'ma go with
the homies, but only once in a while, 'cause I live kind of
far from the hood. Ever since I moved out from the hood
my life has changed.

Where I live now is not the same as Oakland. There
is not a lot of violence, and you never hear of somebody
getting killed. Ever since we moved out I spend more time
with my family. I'm not mad because I moved out of the
hood.

-A new me

From The Beat: Do you feel like moving out of the hood has made it
easier for you to stay out of trouble? What happened this time to bring
you to The Hall? What kind of difference does it make in your mindset,
having less violence and killings around you?

Revenge Does Make Me Feel Better

To me revenge does make me feel better.

Well, it doesn't actually make me feel better, but it
does relieve a bit of stress. So I think you can take revenge
a lot of ways. Yea, most likely it's gonna be wrong, but
nowadays a lot of people make wrong decisions.

Well honestly, if someone did something to me or
my family, I wouldn't feel right if I wouldn't react to it. I
wouldn't be able to hold through knowing the person that
did something to my family is walking the street, having
their fun — and I did nothing.

From The Beat: Was there a time in life where revenge took some of
your pain away? Or was there anyone you ever lost in your life because
someone else was seeking revenge? Do you believe that there is also a
place for forgiveness?

-J

) of
use

I The Most Hirtfil Paii \

' Losing someone close to you is the most hurtful pain
you could ever feel. I have lost people who were very
close to me and the only thing that ran through my head
afterwards was revenge.

It's hard to forgive in some cases, and in others I
sometimes do forgive the person if it's nothing serious.
But with the person that shot me, revenge is all I think

I when I think about him. So I know I don't forgive him, and
I don't think I will any time soon.
-Teddy

From The Beat: We hope you don't get caught up in a desire for revenge,
because the best revenge you could ever have would be to end up having
a successful life. Leave the haters behind! And the hate!

Problems With My Parents

The times when I don't want to go home are when I'm
having problems with my parents. Like when I'm out
having fun and I don't want to go home. But if I don't,
I will have to hear my mom's mouth, or she won't say
anything. She will just call my pa.

So when I don't come home depends on how my mom
feels: If she don't feel like yelling at me for not coming
home, or she won't say anything, that means she already
called my pa. I

-Nasty Boy Rick I

From The Beat: Why do you think your parents get mad at you for not
going home? Does seeing so many young people without parents to
worry about them change how you feel at all? Do you feel luclcy to have
both a mother and a father, both of them worrying about your safety?

still In Boilaie

I'm just another

Black man bonded in spiritual chains

Been to hell and back in this life

And nothin' ever seems to change

My whole life has been hell

And it don't get no betta

I did the block thang

I did the glock thang

Did the drug thang

And it seems everything

I thought would set me free

Just keeps me in bondage

So it ain't worth it

-Jamil

From The Beat: Once you take a hard honest look at "the life" none of it
seems worth it. You did the block thang, the clock thang, and now the
someone-else's-clock thing, it's time to seize control of your own life. But
how lAfill you do it?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //// //

^//.

Secret Admirer

It's this boy I know, who's so sweet.

I'm really feeling his lovely eyes and his sexy smile.

His tone is divine, the way he walks, and talks,

the boy is not just cute but he's fine.

I wonder if we were making love

would his touch send shivers down my spine?

Have I found him, the one that's truly mine?

I want to grow old with him -me as your woman,

you as my man- maybe were moving to fast. . .

lets start as friends,

'cause I wouldn't want this good thing to end.

We got to rise above all high tides baby

don't trip we go be set for life.

Inspired by my ex or maybe boo D.

-Bg

From The Beat: We are intrigued by the end of your poem — you describe
the sweetness of love, but not the hardship, and yet you dedicate the
poem to your ex? Why is he your ex? What are the challenges of being
with someone, even if they are so sweet?

Iirget Irienls

I'm getting tired of ninjas keep saying I snitched. I don't
give a damn what ninjas saying. None of them ninjas
won't do nothing, especially my co partner. Other than
that I'm not gone let none of them get in my head.

When I get out I'm just gone watch who I kick it with.
I can't surround myself with the same people because
everyone I used to kick it with aint the type of people I
wanna be with. They always doing some thing stupid like
robbing people. But I'm try to get my GED so when I get
out I'm gonna go to college and try to get a good job.

My whole life is going to change because I rather be
out with my family instead of being locked up. I'm gonna
go support my family when I get out. I been in here for so
long that I realize that you don't need friends. The only
people you really need in your life is your family because
they are gone be with you though the good and the bad
times. So like I always say forget friends, family first.

-Lil' Kev

From The Beat: We hope that you really mean it when you %x^ you're
gonna change your whole life around. It's not gonna be easy but we're
confident you can do it. You just need to believe in yourself. Go help out
your family, because it's true they're the only ones that's gonna be there
for you through thick and thin.

Lost Ones

I wish I could see you. God knows I miss you. Just to
see your face, hopefully erased all the things left undone.
I miss you lost one.

I remember the times we shared, just to know you
were always there. Than all of a sudden you are gone.
I've been down for so long. And hurt for so long. There
were times I thought I never seen the break of day. All the
while I knew you would make it through. I wish things
never turned out this way. I miss you so much my sweet
loved one. Just to hear your voice would make me want
to shout in rejoice. I would be so happy if I found that one
soldier left out. My world would be complete, if only we
could meet in a better place one day.

Always missing you my loved ones. RIP Baby Bryon,
Tario, G.O., Mellia, Raymond, Mario, Arthor, Pourger, Son,
Ernest.

-Bg

From The Beat: This is a heartbreaking piece. So many tragic deaths...
Although you may not be able to see your loved ones again, you DO
have the power to help make sure that others you love don't suffer the
same fate. Do you have it in you to start promoting a message of peace
and non-violence? What are your thoughts on that?

I I

Being In Lnve By Ynurself

Letters and pictures to keep a smile on my face... but
nothing but you could really take my pain away. I know
we'll be back together when I get on the outs but I still
can't help but feel like I'm in love by myself.

-Missin' My Man

From The Beat: Tell u% more about this young man. What% he like? How
do you think this time in jail will affect your relationship?

Stupidity And Ignorance

Stupidity and ignorance is something that I refer to as
H.A.T.E. Apparently some people think the things that
come out of their mouth are making sense, but in reality
they sounds like a bunch of "Hooplah, Hooplah" in the
words of Spongebob. But really to me it stupidity and
ignorance. I've heard lot of girls say some ignorant things
and I'm tired of it.

-M Bossy

From the Beat: We can feel your frustration through these pages, but we
want to know more. How do you see stupidity and ignorance manifest
in the actions and words of people you know? Have you even been
stupid or ignorant yourself? What is the connection between stupidity,
ignorance, and hate?

Loss

I never really lost a family member really close to me,
besides my great grandparents. But even that didn't hurt
me as much as this past year has.

I had a boyfriend that I wasn't in love with, but had
just 'cause at tiie time I felt I was crushing on him. Then
he hurt someone, and I kicked him to the curb, so he laid
his hands on me (choking me) and then I fell deeply in
love with someone else, who is so perfect and close to
me. So now I'm in here for my ex-boyfriend's crime,
even though I didn't commit anything. Now my love has
moved, and I'm stuck in here 'til my trial. It really hurts
to lose someone I just basically met two months ago.

I feel like my life and heart feels incomplete. I miss
him and my family. I've been in here for three weeks and
I have one more week 'til my trial for my first offense that
I didn't do. Being in here isn't that bad but I'm losing my
family, true love and education over something that isn't
worth it.

-White Snow Bunny

From The Beat: Even though you probably don't feel very lucky while
you sit here in jail, you are. Your ex-boyfriend could have really hurt
you, even killed you. It's a very good thing that you got away from him.
After being in stn abusive relationship like that, perhaps you can use I
some alone time, to think through what YOU need to do for you. I

Mj lint's House

When I don't want to go home I go to my aunt's house.

If I get in a fight with my granny and don't want to be
around her and need to cool off I go to my aunt's house.
My aunt lives across the street from me so when I need
to get away it is a quick escape. My aunt is always helpful
when I feel troubled.

Once I got in trouble for stealing and the police came
and I was scared to go home so I went to my aunt's house
and she was very understanding. Yes she was mad but
she never reacts like my granny. My aunt is always calm
and understanding. When I'm in trouble or I don't want to
go home my aunt is always there for me.

-Amber

From The Beat: Thanks so much for sharing this with u%. Tell u% more
about your aunt. Why do you think she is more calm and understanding
than your other relatives? What was she like when she was young?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //// //

Off The Hook \

The weekend before I had come in here I heard about
some parties and they was supposed to be thick and
hecka females there. The day of the party my mom said
I could go so I waited until my brother got ready to leave
and left with him to the party. We meet up with my friends
we was going to the party with and didn't even know what
party we was going to because it was two of them.

And the buses didn't run to one of them so we went
to the only one we could go to and left. We got to the party
and only ma cousin was on the guest list but I used my
other cousin's name that didn't go and they let all of us
in and it was like eight of us. The party was cool, and it
kinda had a lot of females and I had a lil' bit of fun until
the police came.

We left and I was scared to go home because my mom
said I couldn't go and I went any way. On our way home we
decided we was going to my sister's house. I went home
in the morning because it was my grandma's birthday and
we was going to her house fo' a lil' party.

I was scared so when I got home I got my clothes out
and jump in the shower. When I got out she didn't even
say nothing 'bout it the whole day and I was off the hook
and I was happy.

But the next day my PO came and picked me up and
took me to jail ...now I'm in here telling y'all my story.

-Daray

From The Beat: Thanks for telling u% your story! it sounds like the fun
wasn't quite worth the drama that came after it. Did your PO now what
you'd been doing?

Ready To Go Home \

I'm about ready to go home I'm so sick and tired and
tired of being sick of being here. I miss my mommy so
much, I don't know how I can live without her. Being here
makes my mind spin, and brings tears to my eyes at the
thought of my loves ones.

-Charnequoia

From The Beat: We don't want to sound uncaring, but you are in jail
after all. What actions can you take in your own life to ensure that you J
won't be stuck in this place again? 1

Helpino Hand From A Stranoer \

Over the summer my lil' white scrapper got towed by
the police. I had to catch bus to the police station and
pay money for a release form. Then back on the bus to
the A&B tow yard. Waited several hours for them to bring
me my car... on E! They told me I had to get some gas to
hurry up and move my car. They gave me a gas can and
told me to get on my way on foot to the gas station.

While I was walking out the gate a Native American
man leaving at the same time offered me ride to the gas
station. He took me there and brought me back in less
then five minutes. I respect him for that even though he
was a complete stranger. My potna Marcus was with me
the whole way there and back too. So I guess I got help
from my potna and a stranger.

-Mackin' Nam

helped out! Did you thank him? Have you ever helped out a stranger?
Help yourself and get out of the system and stay off the drugs - E!

Being Withoot Him

I love this boy with all my heart and felt it was real from
the start. We've been apart for a while, but I'd never forget
his sexy smile, or how he'd put together his thuggish
style. He took my soul to different places, and made my
heart pace at different races. I know he's the one I'd spend
my life with, being in here is hard to do, because I'm able
to spend my days with you. When we unite our life will be
more than right, because the love we have is more than
tight. Regardless of our age difference, we were meant for
this... kissing, hugging and only we know what else, God
I miss that feeling I felt... free us fast!

-Taco and Bouzle

From The Beat: As you know there's a lot more to a relationship than the
physical aspects. Is he a good man to you? Is he supporting you to do
the right thing for your own life and stay out of trouble? If the answer
is ^e%, than we wish you both the best. If the answer is no, then this
poem needs a second half. As for love letters and poems to The Beat
this will be the last, 'cause it doesn't teach much to any other readers.

Scared Of Chaoge

The Straoger My Friend

The stranger was a boy,

seventeen and a fine young thing.

This boy had manners and knew how to treat a lady

like a queen.

This stranger didn't seem like a stranger to me.

It seemed like I knew him every since the first day

I was out of pampers.

It seemed like I really knew this young man

and he really knew me,

so we kicked it

exchanged numbers, and started communicating.

This stranger became real close to me,

and we started dating.

I didn't know where this stranger was from

so I asked and when he told me, that let me know

that this stranger wasn't really a stranger to me.

This stranger could only be my friend.

-Lady Alameda

From The Beat: Tell us the next chapter. Lady Alameda. What happened
next?

It would feel so sweet to hold him, to touch him, to kiss
him, to rub him.

My favorite part of the day was when night came and
I lay my head on his belly. It's a comfort. It's a feeling of
home. I feel more at home with him then anybody. It's a
feeling I've been having since I laid my eyes on him. In the
back of my mind I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.
It's been a year and I feel stronger for him then ever.

I have a scared feeling that one day it will fade or he
won't be there. What scares me most is that one day it will
change. I don't want change but maybe chang.... Maybe!

-Gabriel

From The Beat: Change is a complicated thing — it often brings about
good things, but the process is difficult and painful. What changes
do you want to make, either with this young man, or with your life in
general?

I I

Life Is lio Stort

Hopefully this time around it's different, and I can make
this one chance a change. I've been trying to break this
cycle for so long and it's so hard. I've been coming to
Juvenile Hall since I was a very young teen and I'm going
on 18. I've spent my childhood in and out of jail. It seems
like I had to grow up to finally realize that life is too short.
Too short for games, for mess ups. All I want is to settle
and be comfortable.

-Maline

From The Beat: Do you have any specific ideas on hoiw you are going to
make this happen? What will be your very first step towards having the
comfortable life you deserve?

agnnnnnE wmwmim

^mmmm^mmim ^/// "

^//.

Losing My Cousin

One time about several years ago I lost my favorite
cousin in a shoot out after a party we went to. He got shot
numerous times in the chest and died in my arms. That
was really hard for me because I also went to jail that
night because I couldn't handle the fact that he was gone,
token away from me that fast with one blink of an eye.

There he was lying, a soul in the sky gone forever but
never forgotten. I never knew who shot my cousin but
some body did pay for what had happen and I will never
forgive the person who did. RIP lil' Bam Bam Sept 17,
2005 gone but never forgotten.

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your cousin passing away. But
he^ gone now and the only thing you can do to honor his name is to
stay away from a negative lifestyle. Yo' cousin looking down on you and
you should make him proud by staying of jails, and out of trouble.

Loss

Have you ever lost a family member

You can't ever regain they 're lost forever

It's hard to lose

So what you choose

To pop that pill

Or cry till you have no more tears

Have you lost a homeboy to the streets

'Cause he was caught slipping at midnight when his

moms wanted him asleep

She prayed and prayed for him to be with her again

Her baby's lost she can't maintain.

-Big Rig

From The Beat: We all make decisions that will affect our future whether
it may be tomorrow, three hours later, maybe a week later. But how can
you deal with the losses you take? It's up to you whether you think that
popping a pill is gonna make you feel better, or bring skn^one back from
the dead. Cause the pain is still gone be there. You need to be strong
and proceed to live life just like the person that passed away would
have wanted it.

i Remember Wiien....

Tlie Days Wlien i Don't Want To Go Dome

A few weeks ago it was very hard for me to go home.
I was kicked out of my house from my grandparents
for disrespecting the family. It was very difficult for me
emotionally. Instead I stayed at my friend's house that
I've known since I was three. I was there for about two
weeks.

My friend's mom knew what I was going through and
understood my feelings. I didn't know when it was a good
time to go back home, because I hadn't talked to them
since the day I was kicked out. I was violated and brought
back to the hall.

-Solomon

From The Beat: It's good that you were able to talk to your friend^ mom.
Have you had a chance to talk to your grandparents yet and make peace
with them? Because their love for you is real.

Tiie Days Wlien i Stay Away From Dome

I don't like to come home when I'm at my main thang's
house. Man it's hard to leave, but dam when pops come
home I'm to 60 out the door like zoom poof! And I'm
gone for real.

-Mackin' Nam

From The Beat: You better be out the house way before pops even near
the front door, cause if he catches you it's a wrap! How would you like
to come home and catch your daughter with a dude?! You wouldn't like
it, huh?

I remember I use to sneak out the house and go spend
the night with some female or maybe even a couple you
feel me. But knowing that the next day when I get home I
was gone be on punishment 'cause you know how mama's , .
be hella worried about you. But I wasn't tripping while I'm | I
out I might as well have as much fun as possible. '

From The Beat: Damn homie you could at least call your mom and let her
know you are all right. Do your thang but be careful and let your mom
know you good so she won't be worried. Don't be stressing her out.

Loss, Devenge, Forgiveness -Devenge-^\

Revenge feels good when someone has harmed you

That means the opposite of out charmed you

Revenge feels wrong when it's talked about all the time

But you don't think about it when yo' enemy is dying.

Revenge is a seven, letter, word

The actions behind it is someone getting hurt

If you get caught you would call it a curse
But when the sentence come things get worse.

-Jamarco

From The Beat: If the outcome of revenge is so bad why do you think
people still do it? If you get revenge and get caught, if you think about
that's three lives going to waste. The person killed, the person revenged
so the killer got killed, and the person committing the revenge gets
caught and gets life in prison. Now out of one life you got two lives

dead and one in jail for life.

Let Me Do Yonrs

res I

Let me be yours.

The one who will provide for you

The one who would die for you

I'm gonna wipe away your tears

Hold you near when you in fear

Never let you go because you're my dear

You make my heart beat fast like its in third gear

As long as I have you I'ma be happy even if it rains and

pours
But I still forgot to ask you-- will you let me be yours

-Maniac

From The Beat: This is a beautiful love poem, now you have to get
yourself out in the free world so you can prove you're for real to your
girl!

Fear

Worst feeling in the world it lasts longer than any other
feeling in the world. It will freeze you in your tracks and
mess with your instincts some times those instincts
are in need to survive. Some times maybe move out of
the way of a home less bullet but that fear will have you
standing there. It will consume you make you feel brain
dead. That's why it's the greatest sign of weakness if your
enemy sees you fear them. They have taken complete
control of you.

I don't feel it. They say every one fears but I just worry
fear for what? That's the question I ask. The only thing I
can truly fear is the fear of burying another loved one, but
other than that it rarely crosses my mind. Straight up.
They tell me stop trying too act. Ain't no one acting, it's
real life, fear no man but God because He will judge you
at them pearly gates.

-Berg

From The Beat: You're right, but fear lightweight keeps u% in check. For
instance, if you weren't afraid to jump off bridge would you still do it?
You wouldn't cause you scared. Would you rob a bank? We're not saying
you're scared to do it but you're scared of the consequences it might
bring. Would you punch your teacher in the face? Come now be a little
realistic you have to have fear. It's nature dog. Everyone got their fears,
a real man owns up to them.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //// //

^//.

Interview About My Stay

TBW: How long have you been here?

Devin: Since December 30th

TBW: How long do you expect to stay?

D: Until Thursday, It's also my birthday.

TBW: Happy Birthday! How old are you now? Will you

have a b-day party?

D: Thanks. I'm turning 16 and I'll have some friends over,

but not a party.

TBW: Very cool. Are you planning on going back to

school?

D: Yes, I was getting good grades before I came in here.

TBW: Good for you. What grade are you in?

D: I am in 10th grade.

TBW: Who is waiting for you at home? Your mom? Sisters?

Brothers?

D: My mom, step dad, older brother, and younger

brother.

TBW: Are you the only one that's been locked up?

D: No. I don't want to write anything about my family.

TBW: Good call.

-Devin

From The Beat: It was good to learn more about you in this interview,
and we hope that you get out soon so you can get back to what was
positive in your life!

The Days

The days when I don't want to go home is when I'm high
with blood shot eyes, or too drunk to keep myself up and
I know my mom is going to be there at the house waiting
for me. I would just go out with my homeboy and kick it,
or go to parties and things like that.

My mom would always worry about me because she
never knew where I was therefore I would only go to
places that I'm familiar with, so if something did happen,
then I would know how to get back home safely.

Another reason I wouldn't go home is if I'm having
family problems and I don't want to talk with anybody at
my house. So then again I would turn to my homeboys
again and go get drunk, or high, or both just to feel better
and forget about everything. I would usually go home
sometime the next day

-Richard

From The Beat: Man, you too young to be drinking and smoicing
everyday just to try to escape reality. Your problems are still gonna
be there when you sober up. That^ just a temporary solution to your
problems that^ just gonna cause you more problems. Cause when you're
drink or high you can't think straight therefore, it might make you make
bad decisions. Then you land in here and you have no drugs or alcohol.
But your sober and now you can find real solutions to your problems
that you have to face.

Stranger On The Greyhnund

There was one day I got into it with my mom I think we
was at Reno. We went for vacation for a month and when
I got there I wasn't filling it I don't know why but me and
my mom just fight and it happened so fast that I left and
I caught the greyhound.

I had money and when I was riding there was an old G.
I didn't know him, but he was in the bus and when we got
to the first stop for a break (because the trip was 8 hours
I think) all of the sudden we started talking and I see he
didn't have any money so I got him something.

We start talking, laughing, and I felt that the ride was
less than 8 hours.

-C-Los

From The Beat: Great story - what kinds of wisdom did he drop on you,
what did you learn from the ride? And what were you and your mom
fighting about? This could be the beginning of a movie!

' I

Lnss, Revenge, Fnrgiveness

Somebody killed my lil' girl potna Tanika. And I'm still
mad at how it all went down. But she in a better place
now. Her Teddy gone be with her too.

-Mackin' Nam

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your home girl. All that
%en%e\e%% killing needs to stop. Why are so many young people quick to
resolve their problems with violence? Do you have the guts to speak out
against the violence that's plaguing your community? Speak out to usi

The Stranger

»ut I

One day a female stranger was about to drive pass me
and my car had overheated. I had a warrant and was dirty
with some other stuff so I was nervous. I fiagged her down
and I gamed her up to give me a ride and her number.

-Keith

From The Beat: Did you become friends after that? Have you ever helped
a stranger out?

When I Dnn't Want Tn Gn Hnme

It was this one time when I was at my girl house and we
had went to the movies and had a good time. When we
was done watching the movie and cup caking we went to
her house and her mom was gone for a day in Las Vegas
and she ask me did I want to spend a night, and I said
hell yeah.

I called my dad and told him I wouldn't be coming
in tonight. So when we was at her house first I took a
shower and then I think you know what was next. That
was the day when I didn't want to go home.

-Magnificent

From The Beat: Sounds like you had fun. That's good that you called yo'
pops to let him know so he wouldn't be worried about you.

The Days When I Didn't Want To Go Hnme

The day when I didn't want to go home is when the
police was looking for me and they had homicide looking
for me. I didn't want to go because I thought they were
watching me. So I had to have people go to my house and
pick up things for me after about two weeks I got set up
by some people and now I'm in here.

-Marcus

From The Beat: Why did you have homicide looking for you homie? is
that how you want to live your life? Wouldn't you rather be kicking back
at the pad not worrying about police coming to get you?

IS I
ick I

Best Frieod

Dear Taco

You're a rising star and I love you for that

You wake up my every day

With the thought of you

You are the one I need in my life

You've been there when you didn't need to

And my heart smiles

When you show those sexy seductive braces

That gleam like platinum sets

And Momma J is my mother for life

Even if we part

So don't forget it

Or me when we make it to the top

Love ya

-Sydy Bo

From The Beat: The key part of this piece is the phrase "When we make
it to the top," because making it to the top is a dream of yours that is
real, and it will take all your heart and talent to get yourself there.
What% the first step?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

My Goals

When I get out Fm gonna be balling like usual, but this
time I'm gone do it right, without the police being on my
tip. You know cause I tried it the hot way and that didn't
work so I'm gonna put my grow man on feel me? So that
way I could have my own money and get my own things
when I want to, you know?

And when I do that I'm gonna stack my money up
till a coo amount. Then I'm gonna get me an apartment
'cause I'm gonna be 18 before I get out, and live my life
with my girl. And if my little brothers or sisters want to
come over they can play the 360 or the PS3. While I'm
doing that I'm gonna get in college and finish. And when I
get like 20 or 21 I'm gonna have a family and do my thang
like that you know?

-Magnificent

From The Beat: You need to get your grown man on and get grown man
job. All that illegal business is only gonna land right back in county jail
and possibly the pen. And then you aint gone have no more apartment,
and no PS3, or Xbox 360. We're proud to hear you say that you want to
go to college but you need to do something else for money.

I Wist

I wish I had some wings so I can fly to heaven

This is a hard life that I'm living

I miss the days when me and my family be fishing

I wish I had a perfect life

And when I'm gone have everlasting life

I don't see why people fight

They don't see that they messing up someone's life

It hurts they family like stabbing someone neck with a

knife
If someone try to punk me we gone have to fight

The only thing I can do is pray every night

So I can go home to my family and live a good life.

One love.

-Magnificent

From The Beat: We wish you could realize that there's more to life besides
getting in trouble and coming to jail. We wish that all you young people
would wake up and fight for a better life. There's more you can do than
just pray you have the opportunity to change your life for the better.
But it's all on you.

Striiikt Ip!

Man I'm gone tell you straight up! The way I been raised,
I go by don't get mad, just get even! I know some people
think it's wrong because it's just a continuing circle of
violence. Just like two wrongs don't make a right...

-KChill

From The Beat: You're saying it yourself two wrongs don't make a right.
Then why do you keep buying into the circle of violence? You know that
circle is gonna come right back around and you're gonna get caught up
in it.

Ibe Straiier

It was real late at night and me and some friends were
coming from the movies. It was a whole lot of people at
the Bart station waiting for buses. The bus was taking a
long time to load people up.

Then finally the bus started loading people. This old
lady with a lot of groceries was trying to get on the bus. Me
and some friends helped the old lady load her groceries
on the bus. She was very grateful for what we did for her.

-Looking out

From The Beat: That was very kind of you and your friends to help the
old lady out with her groceries. That^ good karma. One day you will
be old and maybe some youngsters will help you out. Or not even old
maybe one day you might need help and somebody you don't know
might just help you out.

' I

loss

I remember when I lost my brother Trell. I was trying
to leave and get in the car with him but he wouldn't let
me. So he left and I was still outside smoking when I
heard gun shots. Some ninjas shot my brother a couple
of blocks away and I didn't know 'till two days later. That
was a great loss. RIP Trell.

-Trell's brother

From The Beat: Hoiw are you not gonna know when your oivn brother
gets shot for two whole days? You guys weren't close or what? Give u%
more insight!

Interview With liajet

TBW: So how much longer do you expect to be locked

in here?

Gajet: Well my PO just told me on Monday that I'm

supposed to get interviewed this week by a group home

in Fremont.

TBW: That would be cool, no? To be that close to home?

G: Yes, it would. I stay in Hay ward right now, but when I

get out I might go live with my ruca in Oakland.

TBW: How'd you meet your girlfriend?

G: When I got locked up, I went straight to max and met

a homegirl from Hayward in here. We started talkin' but

then she got out & her older sister ended up writing me &

we end up bonding like Bonnie & Clyde. Gajet & Shygirl.

TBW: That's beautiful. Don't go out like Bonnie and Clyde

though. How old is she?

G: Ma ruca about to be 20. I kinda feel weird 'cause that's

the oldest female I've dated. I am currently 17.

TBW: Is she your first real "ruca"? Or have you been "in

love" before?

G: Na, I've only taken one female serious before in the

past and I never regret being with her.

TBW: Will you be living with her in your own place or with

her family?

G: She rents a room out of her uncle's house. But when

I get a job I'ma ask her if she would like to get our own

place and even hopefully move back to my hometown

with her.

-Gajet

From The Beat: Does your girl want to be a part of the new positive life
you've been dreaming about - learning to be a mechanic and u%e youi
natural genius with automobiles to make a living?

Trylno To Do Riglit

ire
»ur I

What's up Beat? Man this shhh is hella weak. I'm ready
to go home. I hate being in here, yet I keep coming back.
It seem like I want to do right, but I can't because I'm
so use to living this hood life.

-Nm Jr.

From The Beat: You have to folloiv your heart lil' homie. If you vtsknnsk
do right you have to have the inner strength and will to do right. That
hood life is only gonna keep getting you caught up. You have to realize
what you -wsknnsk get out of life.

Dofl't Go Home

Most times I didn't go home cause I was to drunk to
drive home or I was on the run. Or I was trying to chill
with a young female or I just didn't feel like being at home
some nights.

-Keith

From The Beat: What was wrong with your home that you didn't want to
go to it. What were you running from? Did you think you could escape
reality by drinicing? We aint trying to knock whatever you doing but
if it's gonna be bringing you to jail, you need to stop doing what you
doing, unless, you like coming here.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //// //

^//.

The Stranger

Walking, pacing looking for my next stranger

And the second I meet him

Is the second he meet the banger.

Pockets on empty so I'm Anna empty the chamber

Walking, pacing looking for my next stranger.

-Dante

From The Beat: There might be a stranger looking for you too — a
stranger carrying a bullet with your name on it, especially if you let
yourself get trapped in negativity!

I'm From

Fm from the concrete jungle where the violence

happens

Where you can hear loud noises from the cars that's

slappin'

The cops always jackin' stuffing us in they car

And the dope fiends creepin' off of crack and tar

They be on one hard, they be lovin' that shhh

So they go out on mission tryin' to get them a fix

I'm on a mission for scratch I stay on top of the game

I do my thang for the block and I ain't trippin' off fame

Don't ask me what do I claim, most people already know

That's why they tell me to stop because I already go

You know my answer is no if you ever ask for a front

And all I'm doing is real not a publicity stunt

I kick it off like a punt so ya'll ain't close to my level

Although God's on my side at times I act like a devil

On earth we living in hell so we immune to the fire

And I don't even like talkin' cause sucka ninjas wear

wires.

-Gumby

From The Beat: You have tight flows, but you always talking about the
same topics. Snitches, the block, suckas, the game, the fame. We know
you got talent but why don't you show us some versatility in your flows
and try to stick to a topic or at least come with something different.
Challenge yourself.

I I I I I I I I I I

Rules

I have to get revenge on anybody because you feel so
hurt when you loose someone you love to somebody
you never in your life have met. You would want to have
revenge if they shot someone you love or someone who
snitch on you.

I have to get revenge. That's the only way you could
feel better because you would want them to pay the price.
Because that's the way of life and all you can do is respect
it because those are the rules.

-Samuel

From The Beat: What rules are you talking about? Who makes these
rules? And is there stnyone going around making sure that nobody
breaks the rules? Revenge doesn't bring back your loved ones from the
dead.

To Keep It Real

This is your girl Melissa. I'm not feeling these topics.
But this is my fourth time in the Alameda County
Juvenile Hall, and my charges is for battery and assault
with deadly weapon.

But in two years, I'll be 18 and this will be my last
time. I'm going to a group home for a year. But in the
mean time, I'm gonna wait for my babydaddy Ernesto to
get outtajail.

-Melissa

From The Beat: You talk so much, and so eloquently, about your love
for your man, but what about your love for yourself, young Melissa?
What are you going to do for your own life while you're waiting for
your babydaddy?

J I

\ I

The Days...

What's up Beat Within?

I just wanted to let you know

There was a time when I didn't go home

Because I was afraid of my mother like when I get in

trouble at school

All she would say is, "your such a fool"

I always looked down on myself

Never asked my mother for help

But there was one day when I got help from God

And got closer to the squad

But when I was away from home I missed everything

I left behind my little brother my little sister but I did

what I chose

I made my own decision I'm getting grown

But I always love her from the bottom of my heart

Even when it's dark

And the days I don't want to go home or I should say I

didn't go home

I wish I never made that choice because it messed up my

whole life

And it wasn't nothing nice

On the corner shootin' dice

Wouldn't leave 'till I made the right price

But it's all right I love my family

And I wouldn't leave this world without making them

proud

Oh yeah one more thing

I love my grandmother too. Thank you Beat Within.

-Rameal

From The Beat: There are days where you think that going home is not a
good idea but there aint nothing like going home. No matter hoiv much
trouble you think you got yourself into you will be a lot safer when you
your home at night then being out on them streets at night.

After A Fioiit

The times when I don't want to go home are usually after
I get into a fight or argument with my Mom or Dad and I
just bounce. When I leave I usually go over to a friends
house to hang out and get my frustration and anger off.

I usually go back after I calm down and try to work
out the problems I have with my parents. But sometimes
they're not calm so I just wait for them to calm down and
we usually work everything out.

-Kramer

From The Beat: That's cool that you decide to leave before the problems
you have with your parents erupt to some even given bigger problems.
Sometimes you have to just walk away and cool off first. That's a smart
idea. And that's great that your able to communicate with your parents
like that. You're luclcy because a lot of people don't have that great
communication with their parents.

Missin' My Fam

Hope I can go home soon cause I'm missin' my family
everybody. That's all I'm thinking of in my room. I want to
kick it with my homies in front of the liquor store. I miss
being with them more and more when I'm here. Cause my
family means everything to me. I'd do anything so they
can be with me.

Every night and day hopefully I can go home and
give my family hugs and kisses. Love them more than
anything, my friends are really close to me they're just
like my family love them more than anything.

-Memo

From The Beat: We can feel your pain. We see that you really love your
family and your close friends. We hope that you also stop doing what
you were doing that got you here in the first place. If you love your
family that much, you should value your freedom more. That way you
wont find yourself in these facilities writing pieces like this.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

Not Going Home

X f

When I don't want to go home sometimes I go to the block

With my trouble on my side and mouth full mess

Wit my ninjas on the side

Holding it down with them chops

When I don't wanna go home that's where I be on the spot

I might be on the run or moms stressing my mind

So I go out, not thinking, and do a lot of crimes

5-0 blurp me now I'm doing a lot of time

Thinking to myself I should have followed my first mind

Now I want to go home

Always asking staff can I use the phone

'Cause I wanna go home.

-Lil' Quis

From The Beat: So when you don't go home is when you usually get
into trouble, huh? So when you're out on the street you don't want to
go home, but when you're in jail you do? Why don't you try going home
whenever you don't feel like going home so you can at least stay outta
of trouble and jail?

What's Up Beat?

It's yo' boy young Monibo. I'm back again for a stolen car.
They dropped my case to a misdemeanor. They caught me
five miles away from Arizona. They pulled a lot of guns on
us like we murdered somebody.

-Monibo

From The Beat: What were you doing all the way by Arizona? If you
vtsknnsk keep stealing you're only gonna come back to jail, and they're
not gonna keep dropping your offenses
waste this opportunity.

to misdemeanors. So don't

I i \

Tlie Days Wiieo I Doo't Want To Go Home ^

When me and my dad really fight like when there's blood
and after I cant go home because I am too mad. So I just
go to my girl's house and stay with her just to cool off or
I go to my mom's house in Pittsburg and she makes me
something to eat. And when I try to go home me and my
dad end up fighting again.

-Calvin

From The Beat: Why are you and your dad fighting so much? Y'all can't
talk it out? Why does it have to come down to fist fights?

Tlie Days I Didn't Want Tn Gn Dnme

The times that I didn't want to go home was when I ran
away. I use to run away from home a lot. The reason I
use to run away a lot is because my parents don't let me
out a lot and because I be staying out so late that I say to
myself, "I might as well just stay out the whole night."

Afta I stay out the whole night the next morning I'm
scared to go home or call my mom and dad. I sometimes
call my brothers and sisters to see if my parents are mad.
Most of the times they are. I just hang out with my patna's
and smoke, drink, sniff a line or two.

I sleep over my patna's house till Sunday night when I
have to go to school. My parents know that my routine is
always going out from Friday - Sunday night. I be scared
to go home because my parents won't let me back in.

But nowadays I always go home. I learned that my
parents would rather me go home every night so they
know that I am safe. I love going home now, I get to use
my own shower, eat my own food, and I know that my
parents know that I'm safe.

-Insane Viet

From The Beat: You're in skn interesting position, because you learned a
lot about what you want while you were in camp, right? But now when
you get out, all those "patnas" will still be smoking, drinking, doing
lines, partying... what will you do? Will you go out and stay away from
home all night? Or do you have other plans?

Not Dunning Again

1 1

Today is a good day. I'm gonna leave next week to a group
home for 9-12 month. I'm bout to do my time and get it
over wit. I'm not gone run from my last group home like I
did from my last four group homes. I'm gonna just wait to
get out. This is my last time. I hope this gets in The Beat.
I'll be gone, so peace out Beat.

-Unknown

From The Beat: We glad to hear you say that you're not gonna run from
your group homes anymore. Just do your time and you'll be home before
you know it. Good luck!

I I I I I I i I i i i I I I I I t i i I i i r

Never a day

There was never a day when I didn't want to go home
To deal with my parent's 'cause I did something wrong
Because that's the only place I feel safe when I'm alone
Now I'm locked up and they telling me I gotta be strong
I know my mamma going crazy that I'm gone

I be stressing sittin' there in that cell

Don't smile much 'cause my lips dry as hell

And I hate how the nasty deodorant smell

Hella mad juveniles can't get no bail

But I met some cool people

One think he got girls but they'll tell you I'm finer

Met another dude who just got released

Hope he don't do nothing stupid and have to deal with

the police

Then we got a car thief

He might steal my daddy shhh and we gone have some

beef

-Kwame

From The Beat: We know that Juvenile Hall ain't the place where you or
your parents wanna see you at. But at the same time the laws are the
laws. You have to do what you need to do to stay out of these facilities.
And you know what you need to do, but it's up to you to do it.

Gniiome...

There are some days I don't want to go home. Like right
now I'm kinda nervous to go home because I'm in jail for
robbery. I don't know how they are going to react when I
go home.

I don't know if they are going to try and kick me out
the house and say that they don't allow criminals in the
house or are they just going to just let me be and just not
trust me. Whatever they do, I can't blame them.

-Donald

From The Beat: Well we hope that they cut you some slack. Regardless of
what you did, we also hope that you learned from this serious mistake,
and show them that they made the right decision to have you return
home. It's mistakes like these that really affect your life. Going out there
robbing people on the street is gonna get you either hurt, or in jail for
a long time.

! I

i'm Not Gning Hnme

There be times when I don't wanna come home, not
because I'm gonna get in trouble, but because my momma
drunk and high. I come home with an empty stomach
thinking my mom cooked some food, but instead she
cooked up some powder. I ask her if I can get some money
so I can get something from the store.

But instead she asked me where my money at? Why I
ain't got it. Then she yells at me to get out the apartment
and go find some money. That's why I don't like coming
home.

-Edward

From The Beat: Man that sounds like skn awful situation to be coming
home to. You don't have another relative, uncle, auntie or grandma
house you can go to?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

Days I Don't Go Dome

It is because Fm in a trouble and when I'm in a trouble.
In my school, I got a lot of problems because I don't want
to do what the teachers say. Then they send me outside
of the classroom. And they still think I'm doing things
that I am not suppose to do like keep talking, laughing.

Then them send me to the office and call my mom and
that is why I don't want to go my home. Then I go home
and my mom tell me don't do it again. When I go to the
school I'm still doing it and I still get in trouble and it is
the same thing.

-Victor

From The Beat: Why do you keep acting up at school? You're suppose
to be at school getting skn education so you can better yourself and
improve your future, if you can't stand still at school maybe you should
consider getting your GED so you can get a job and at least make some
legit money.

The Deal Within

What's good Beat? It's ya' boy Lil' Dave again, back for
the sixth time with some real shhh, and once again they
don't understand me mayne. I just wanna do the right
thing and ride.

Yeah I read the Bible and I know about the Lord and
why he puts us her on earth, so I know the differences
in nature and being ungodly to our father who art in
heaven.

Man I just wanna do right and survive and live a good
life with my wifey on the side. Yea they tried to send me
away, but I bet that and I'm to camp back in the block or
in the schoolhouse somewhere.

-Lil' Dave

From The Beat: It's not just about where they send you but also about
where you send yourself after you do this next bit of time, right? Where
are you going to be next, so that the sixth time can be the last time?

Pot IVIy Stoff Dn

What's up Beat? Why don you ever want to put my stuff
in the book just always want to hate.

-Nacho Cheese

From The Beat: Aint nobody hating lil' homie you're the one that%
hating ,which we took out of this piece. You already know that we can't
publish certain things you say. And if we don't publish your piece it%
because it wasn't appropriate. Not because we don't want to. Look at
your piece that you just wrote, you talking about the people around
you are wannabes, etc. Why don't you write something positive? Quit
worrying about everyone else, worry about your self! You ain't never
gonna get anywhere in life if you worry about the people around you
more than you worry about yourself.

Days I didn't

Days I didn't want to go home I remember when I didn't
want to go home. I didn't want to go home because my
mom called and told me not to come home because
there were police at my house looking for me. They were
accusing me robbing a store four times.

They said some one told them it was me. They said
that the person that did rob the store had a bunch of cuts
because they found blood at the place that was robbed.
And I had cuts on me so I didn't want to go home because
I told my grandparents I wasn't going to do no more bad
things, and the next couple of days there are cops looking
for me talking about I robbed a store.

-Lil' Pork

From The Beat: Why are they saying that you were the one that robbed
the store? If you didn't do it, then you have nothing to stress off of.
And don't just tell your grandparents that you're not gonna get into
skny trouble, actually do it. Stop getting into trouble. We know you aint
trying to make a career out of coming in and out of jail.

Tiie Straoger

A time someone helped me when I was in need was when
I was stranded in Oakland at 1:30 in the morning. I ran
from a group home and needed money for BART to get
back to my house. I asked a random person for money
and he gave me twenty dollars and a ride to BART. This
was a time a stranger helped me out.

-Travis

From The Beat: That wasn't such a smart idea to run from your group
home but that was sure nice of the person to help you out. Have you
ever helped a stranger out?

Jost Want Tn Do Dut

There are some days I don't want to go home for some
reason or another. There usually isn't anything negative
going on at my house but a lot of times I still prefer to
stay out at a friends house or a Hotel and just chill with
my friends and party or do whatever just to be away from
home sometimes.

-Anti-home

From The Beat: As long sk% you're not on the streets then do what you
do. But try to stay in doors. There's too much drama going on in the
streets for you to get caught up in it.

I Went Tn See My Son

The days when I don't want to go home it was one time
when I ran from my group home. I was like damn I cut
from my group home to see my lady and my son. So when
I ran I cut to my dad house.

When I got home my dad was like why did you run. I
told him why cause I want to see my son and my lady. So
I ask him if I can sleep here he said yes. So I went to bed
like at 11:30pm. Hay ward PD where at my door like at 6
in the morning. So I am trying to say if you got to go to a
group home stay with it don't run.

-Dominion

From The Beat: You're right. There's no u%e in running unless you vtsknnsk
be hiding out for the rest of your life. Eventually you'll end up getting
caught. Just do your program and get over it so you can move on with
your life.

Never Wanted To Go Dome

Mostly everyday I never wanted to go home cause I
never want to school. Even when I went to school I was
getting suspended or ex-spelled for getting into fights or
threatening people.

So I just went to the block to kick it with the homies.
The only thing I probably went to my house was for
changing clothes or to take a shower.

-Michael

From The Beat: Why can't you behave while you're at school? School is
very important for your future. Education is what's going get you some
real paper, later down the road in life. You can't hustle forever. And you
can't keep running around getting into fights and threatening people.
You might threaten the wrong person.

Keep Coming Daoii

It's my fifth time coming to the hall. I said it was my last
time coming here my second time. Apparently three, four,
five times comes, and here I am again writing to The Beat
- again. This is going to be my last time here though. Fm
getting released on home supervision.

-Lil' James

From The Beat: We hope this is the last time. You've been back one too
many times. It's time you appreciate your freedom a little more. Do what
you need to do. Follow all your probation rules, and home supervision
rules so you can get probation and you can get out the system.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

Mad!

X f

What's up Beat? Well Fm back to the hall. Fm hella mad,
but I can't do nothing about it just wait till I get sent to
my other group home.

Well what happened was that I got sent to a group
home in Chino Hills (in Southern California) and I ran
from there and came to Oakland and started doing stupid
stuff. That's why I got caught faster.

Well I got a new charge it is auto theft. I got picked up
and came back. I only stayed there for two days because
I didn't like it but when I came back I didn't wanna come
out. But I still did that's why I got caught faster. Now I
must see what's gonna happen.

-Ernesto

From The Beat: You should be mad at yourself from running from your
group home just to come back and get caught for stealing cars and
doing stupid shhh. Wake up Ernesto!! Why did you run away just to go
keep committing more crimes? Why couldn't you stay out of trouble?

The Group Home

The day I went into a group home suckers I switched to a
house in the program. I was away from my family for one
year and 2 1/2 months but when I go back I will continue
my program in a group home.

It's all right, but I don't like to be away from my family.
It is a two-year program and I failed it and got pulled out
and went to the hall. I have been here for two weeks and
a couple of days. I might go back this Thursday, but if I
don't go, I will go back in the middle of April.

-Thomas

From The Beat: We know that it's hard being aivay from your family for
too long. But think about them when you're at the group and try to
complete the program so you can move on with your life and be reunited
with your family.

Playiog Chess

I Like to play chess on my spare time. Now that Fm in
jail I play it a liF more. I played a few people in here but its
one person in particular that I play a lot. Bryan aka B, he
is like a rival when we play next, time we play Fm GONE
WHOOP HIS ASS!!!!!

-John Doe

From The Beat: In chess you are more likely to win if you can think a lot
of moves ahead. Plan long term instead of looking for the immediate
play. Can you learn to do that in real life too?

loss, Roenge, Firgineness

I had my first loss in life when I was around three to
five years old, because my pops wanted to help the next
person-it was really my uncle--but he took the loss trying
to help him and it went bad on his side.

So I lost my pops, but I won't kill anybody because
I did try to play his part. I can't play captain to save a
dad, but at the same time if I can do something about it, I
will.

I still know inside that I love him and he will always
be there for me, even though I can't see him. But the thing
I most want to bring back if I could is his voice and a face
to the person because I never remember seeing him.

That's all I care for, not killing the next man. It can't
do anything for him really, but pops probably knows this
where he is now.

-Marquill

From The Beat: "Living ivell is the best revenge." Do you think this is
true. Imagine the love your dad had for you, and how proud he will
be if you get your life together. When you do well in life or do/write
something that makes you proud, do you think on him and how proud
he would be?

I Don't Care

Hey what's up The Beat this yo' boy LiF Snoopy from
Oakland. But the reason I don't care is because a lot of
hot shhh been going on, and yesterday I got a write up
for saggin...yeah saggin'! Damn I was tryin' to do good
'cause I haven't gotten a write-up in three days... but staff
be hatin.

And the other reason is 'cause my brother is doing
2 years for some dumb shhh. He in Rita right now, but
I just hope he keep his head up and stay solid. And the
last reason is 'cause my mom got a boyfriend and I DON'T
KNOW him and I don't like that. But yeah, I'm just tryna
get out so I can be with my boys and family in the outs
'cause this ain't koo'! I just don't care anymore more
'cause this is making me mad.

But I'm gonna keep it solid only time would tell what's
gonna go down, feel me?

But yeah I'm gonna just pimp this. I'm out.

-Lir Snoopy

From The Beat: We admire the way you are holding up under all the
stress. Between your brother suffering, your family siwitching up with
a new boyfriend and all the drama at camp, you should be proud of
yourself for the way you focus on trying to do well and avoid write-ups.
Keep it up - it's called keeping your eyes on that prize: Freedom,

Helped By A Stranoer

of I

A stranger that once helped me when I went to the
hospital because I overdose off of alcohol. I didn't meet
him but I heard that he helped me. I suppose this program
help me out because I overdose. Like I said I didn't meet
him but if I did I would like to be his friend.

-Kao

From The Beat: You're luclcy that a complete stranger was compassionate
I enough to look out for you. We hope that you learned your listen and .
I won't over dose again. I

\ I-

Moit), Piwer, lespect

Money everybody after money and money is a goal
everybody in the world want to get without holding back.

Power is something everybody want and needs to take
over and to have power you gotta have leadership and
don't take no B-S

Respect is the main everybody needs and gotta have.

-Chill

From The Beat: We already know that money makes the world go 'round.
You need it to survive, eat, pay for a home to stay at. But who says you
need power? Why can't someone just be about getting their chips, live
a good life, and stay away from all the negativity.

It M) Frieils Hiist

i I

The reason I don't go home because I got in trouble in
school, or else me and my daddy get into it at home. I use
to stay at my friend's house and I always lie to my friend's
mom. She never used to know. The way I sneak in is by
the back of his window. His window is always open.

One day I was trying to sneak in the window but it was
closed. So that meant that she went to my friends room
and my friend doesn't like his mom going to his room
because we always use to have parties all the time. His
friends use to smoke weed all the time.

-Francisco

From The Beat: That's not a valid reason not to go home. If you're
getting into it with your pops it's 'cause y'all both obviously disagree on
something. But running xwsk^ from your problems ain't the solution. We
can understand if you want to sleep over your friends house for a party
or something, but don't think that's the solution the problems you're
having at home. You have to own up and accept skny consequences for
your actions.

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

Rest in Peace, Stranger

TTT

I I I I I I rTT

I Want Revenoe

The first time I met a stranger was when I was out on the
streets kicking it. His name was Brian Keith Y.

He was putting money in my pockets when I didn't
have no money. After a few months later he passed away
when he was off coke. Somebody shot him in the head.

Rest In Peace Brian.

-Derrick

From The Beat: It's good to think that si% messed up si% his life was, he
managed to help someone who was struggling. Like, he did a good deed
by helping you - and noiv iwe hope you iwill do a good deed for others _
in his memory I

If I could get revenge on someone I would get revenge on
this boy that jumped me and my brother Joe. Because me
and my brother did not do anything , and they was way
older and bigger than us too.

But we still we put up a fight even though we got
beat up bad that day. The only thing that count is that as
brothers we had each other's back and that is all I care
about but as for revenge I want that.

-Correy

From The Beat: That's messed up that some older fools jumped you and
your brother. But forget about it man, you already put up your fight and
lost. Accept it. Don't go looking for trouble 'cause it might come to you
1,000 times worse. Just be glad nothing more serious happened.

Revenge

Let me talk about this topic: Revenge.

Well I'll tell you that it's the only thing that fixes shhh
because when people think that it's cool to mess with the
family or homies, and ain't nothing going to happen --
they got another thing coming.

-D

From The Beat: Tough talk, but how many funerals have you dealt from
this mentality? Revenge just leads to more revenge and more deaths
and more tears. Why not protect your loved ones by keeping them
AWAY from situations that could put them in harm's iway?

Pain in My Heart: I Didn't Want Tn Gn Hnme

Three weeks ago, I went on a home pass. But it wasn't
a home pass at all, it was a battlefield. You see, I guess
the week before, that's when my mom dropped me off
at camp. I guess she had got into my phone when I was
in the shower at the house, but she called my girl --you
know the one with the smooth chocolate skin.

Yeah, well she called her talking hella shhh, talking
'bout leave me alone or she gonna call the boys! So I
come home, I text my girl, and she blow up, talkin' bout
she aint messin' with me no more and din hangs up in
my face. That set me off, OK. Next me and my moms is
funkin' but I'm at my brother's tournament so I got to lay
low, so I asked my pops to take me home. I got home and
I cut.

I cut to the streets and got hella drunk. I don't even
drink, but my heart was hurtin'. Then I got into a couple
fights with some dudes talking shhh And den I messed
up and smoked some weed and passed out. Got kicked to
camp the next day and caught a dirty. Well that's that, and
I'm goin' home this week.

-Spwaru

From The Beat: The big thing that hurts on this is that you went crazy
because you were in pain. Bad things are going to keep happening in
your life, the way they happen to all of u%... but it's about what you DO
with them. What do you think made you need to add more hurt to your
hurt by drinking? Are there other things you could do the next time
you stress?

* I

Lost Someone I Love

I just lost my best friend two days ago to some stupid
stuff. 'Cause he was messing with these suckas. I guest
they caught him slippin' and shot him in the leg.

He was running back to his turf and I guest he lost
too much blood and died on the spot.

-Lil' Cone Head

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your loved one passing away.
Remember, revenge is not going to bring him back. We know you're
feeling a lot of pain, but yo' potna looking down on you trying to tell
you not to get into any trouble.

I Been Waiting Nine Montlis

It's your boy Looney, still up here at camp keeping it
solid feel me. I seen my son this weekend, it was cool. I
already miss him... he's already changing. He peed on me.
LOL! All on my leg too. It's cool though... I wasn't mad
or nothing. I changed his diapers the whole time I was
home this weekend. I'm gonna get his feet tatted on my
chest with his name over it. You know I think that would
be cool.

Man I'm so glad I got a baby. . . I've been waitin for nine
months, then finally, bam he's here. That's pretty crazy.
But Beat I'll get back at you. Laters.

-Looney

From The Beat: Again, Looney, congratulations. It's great to see you
stepping into this fatherhood role with so much love. Does knowing
your little boy is waiting for you make it easier to avoid camp drama,
and easier to plan for your future?

I I I I a i i a B i t b b \ T

Wlien I Ran, An Interview

TBW: So when did you run from Camp?

LS: I ran from camp like a few plus months ago.

TBW: Where'd you run to and how'd you get there?

LS: I went straight to BayFair mall and hopped on The

BART all dirty from hopping the Fence and going down

the hills, but yeah I had some money and then I went to

Dublin Pleasanton with my other two homies.

TBW: Did you get caught up in any drama while you were

out?

LS: Yeah as soon as we got to Bayfair, we were 'bout to get

into it with some rival gang members, but they ran. Then

another day I got chased by some rival gang members

with weapons. I had to run... run for my life.

TBW: Did your parents know where you were?

LS: No my mom knew I was with my boys but she was

mad and didn't care 'cause she was tired of me being bad.

But yeah, she didn't even know.

TBW: How did you come back? Did you turn yourself in?

LS: It was hella fun! I was having so much fun 'cause I was

out and doing it big with my cousin and patnas and I was

ridin' around in my patna's car just smashin' and going

hella fast on the freeway, getting' hella lit feel me... And it

wasn't coo' I wanted to turn myself in like two years later,

feel me? Just go to Rita and be with some patnas but

everything happens for a reason right?

TBW: So what was the reason do you think?

LS: Probly 'cause God had a better thing for me, feel me?

Probably I was gonna die or 'cause some more problem

in the outs and gotten me a bigger charge or something. . .

but yeah probly just another chance.

God works in mysterious ways, feel me?

And for that, I thank him!

-Lir Snoopy

From The Beat: We're happy that you got this second chance, because
on the run is exactly how a lot of people get in the deep trouble. But
if God, sk% you %«y, has given you the second chance, isn't it on you to
show Him (and yourself) respect and take that chance? What are you
doing to take that chance and show you are thankful for real?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim

^mmmmMummimMm //////

One day...

X f

One day I was in middle school and I was going to
Elmhurst and I was always messing up so when we getting
report cards and the parents suppose to come and get
them but I didn't think my mama was gone come.

But next thing you know she popped up and went to
all my classes. I had straight D's and F's. I didn't want to
go home but when I end up going, I got punished. I was
hella mad, I still kept messin' up but I ain't get no more
punishments.

-Ouch

From The Beat: We understand that school is not for everyone, but at
least give it a shot. It is very important that you at least try because you
might think you're not built for school but with time stnyone can adjust
to the schedule. School is important for your future. School is where you
figure out what you want to do in life so you can get major paid in a
legit way. That blocic shhh is only gonna take you so far, and it might
take you way too far deep into the system.

M) Irip To tke lall

Well this is my second time in the hall. The first time is
when I got caught in a stolo but they let me go in the first
day, but I got bars. But now I got four weeks.

The second time was 'cause I was in a stolo but that
day I had a gun on me. I busted a left, I see a police car
then the car busted a U-turn. Then I stepped on the gas
but when I was two blocks away I seen another cop car,
but he tried to block me and then I smashed off.

Then I came to a stop and got off to run and dump my
gun, but I fell and the dog bit me on my ass. That's how I
got caught.

-Raul

From The Beat: What do you get out of stealing cars and going on high
speed chases with the police? Nothing but jail time homie. You put your
life endanger and your freedom in jeopardy and for what? Is that what
you want do for the rest of your life? Or do you have any other goals?

The Stranger

I once gave a stranger my last money when I was going
to get a high. But how he asked, it sounded like he was
hungry.

So, if I was gone, giving it already, I can't take it back.
Even though I know I can, you can't take back what was
given. Even when he said he was going to use the money
for getting something.

-Marquill

From The Beat: You answered the part of you that cares about other
human beings, so even though you way he used the money isn't what
you wanted, are you still proud of yourself for Doing the Right Thing?

Who Am I?

Who am I? I'm a thug angel.

You can see two sides of me from different angle

My bad side help me with my struggle.

My good side helps me with all of my trouble.

Sometime the dark side taking over me.

Screw everybody and that's the only way to be

Getting money that's all on my mind.

I'm not joking my ninja, I stay on my grind.

I stick with my ninja, aye dawg I try to shine.

But as I grow older, I knew I was blind.

Now 90% of me, is my good side

10% of the bullshhh I just let it slide.

All this fake ninja talking I just let it fiy

-Fake or Real

From The Beat: Hoiv will you feed and groiv this neiw 90 percent? Where
will you find the positive peers to reinforce it? It's time to put the thug
away and listen to the angel!

Hall Business

What's up Beat? This is your homeboy Chikillo. Well
tonight I'm gonna write about what's going on in here in
the hall. Well aint nothing good going with me 'cause I
think I'm gonna go to R.O.P to do my time.

But I'm not tripping because I did the crime. So I gotta
do my time. Even though it's far away I still must finish
my program to get back out there in the streets kicking it
and smoking and specially to be with my homeboys. Well
beat this vato is out. Alratos.

-ChikiUo

From The Beat: Is all that you are thinking about? Kicking it with your
homies and smoking and drinking? How about your son? Don't you wish
you can go home to be with your son? You got your priorities all messed
up friend, we know it's . You must like being locked up!

A Better Person Inside

I need to get money but I really need to get free. It's
my responsibility to help prevent younger people from
making mistakes like I did in the past! If I could help out
the people in my community I would feel like a better
person on the inside. A lot of times I have to stop myself
from letting out my negative energy on people.

When I get out, I want a lot of my people to have
accomplished positive things. I'm talking about goals in

I life that will help out them as well as their people.
We need to look out for people.

-Ice-Mayne

From The Beat: Once you know your own mind, you will be able to do
- more for your loved ones and community. So how will you learn your J
I own mind? What are your goals, specifically? I=|

Can't Walt

I'm 'bouts to complete camp, keep my life movin' and try
to stay positive. I just started to do my program but time
be fiyin'.

I hope it goes good for me. This camp hella weak.
Hopefully, this time helps me out and that god gives me
the patience I need to get by. It's all good though, you
gotta keep your eyes on the prize and I'm really focused.
I'm tired of the system and can't wait to get out. For all
who are locked up keep your head up. Be a player about
yours and pimp the situation. Everything happens for
a reason, just make something outta nothing. My main

I focus is getting OFF probation, the prize is my freedom.
-Mousie

From The Beat: The prize is freedom, you're right. But getting it is a lot
easier than keeping it. What do you think makes people give up that
prize so quickly after their release, while being on lockdown makes
them miss it more than ever?

I Miss My Moms

I miss my moms

She been there since day one

Moms been in and out of court for me

Word can't express how I feel

Never kept a secret always stayed real

All I can say is I love you

And miss you

My plan is to success and show you I understand.

I know you want me to finish school go to college

I love you mom.

-Big Mike

From The Beat: Your mom %ee% the good in you and the smart in you -
that's why she has faith in you. Do you have faith in yourself? Can you
see yourself in college? TV-y to imagine it, try to imagine how good that
would feel... that's the first step towards making it happen!

fjffff //

What I Wish I Could Say To My Homies Who Have Died

Please Read Downward:

would

let

them

know

that

always

got

them

mind.

They

were

big

brothers

me —

Mono

Fino

Chino

and

Jokin'

Man,

-Young Menace

From The Beat: Very clever! Yes, we got rid of your gang/good name too! If you could talk to any or all of your homies who have died, just you and each
homie, what would you tell them? What would you ask them? Was doing whatever they did that got themselves killed worth their lives? What would
they do now, if they had the same choice? Can you imaginatively talk to them and from what you know about them, answer yourself sk% best you can
from their points of view, and then listen to their lessons about what death is like? Maybe you will feel more precious about your own life and protect
it with all your might.

Thiogs I Dofl't Care Aboot

What's up with The Beat? Hopefully all of y'all at The Beat
doin' cool. Hopefully y'all financial problems are taken care
of themselves.

Today I'm 'bout to write about things I don't care about.
Beat, y'all know I had to switch up the topic just a little bit.
I don't care about anything but protecting my family and
taking care of my family. I don't care about the law or the
justice system. Beat, I'm up, out, so if y'all print it, y'all do.
If y'all don', don't. One love.

-The Dude
From The Beat: Well, that must be real, it's admirable that your family
has your heart. Tell us more about your family! Do you have brothers
and sisters? What are your parents like? How do you influence your
family? Teach them? Help them? Who are you in relation to all of your
family?

Today

about

who

writing

would

about

you

the

call

homies

that

passed

passed,

away

because

and

lately

Fve

answer

been

feelin'

that

down.

would

remember

the

about

homies,

two

just

years

ago

let

that

them

you

know

guys

I'll

had

Always

love

topic

them

shhh

streets

ain't

and

look

been

fat

the

same

time

without

comes.

how

them

then

MacDre

here,

I'll

put

but

die

I'm

happy

"Life's

'cause

young

witch

man.

know

and

then

it's

got

you

them

die."

turn

waitin'

Much

for

love

step

The

and

Beat.

the

Mansion

up.

thang

ha!

Love,

ha!

them

man

Waitiog To Touch Down

BaGi( In The Haiis

What's up Beat? I back here in the halls for the 17th time. Man,
they supposed to just let me go home, but they tryin' to send
me to another group. I just did nine months in a group home in
Chino Hills in South CaH near LA. All I did was tell my PO I didn't
want to be there no more, and he said OK, I can go to the halls
then for 10 days at the most.

Now he trying to send me to another group home and I'm
18 already. I tried to tell him send me to 850, but he on some
buUshhh. If I go to 850 I would probably get out faster or just get
bailed out. I just hope I get out soon!

-Kizzer One
From The Beat: If you've already been here 1 7 times and in other groupers,
why do you want to get out soon? Seems liice you're determined to be a
prisoner, one way or another. The only evidence we can see from this is
not that your PO is trying to play you, but that you are trying to play
the system, and in the end, you're playing yourself. What will it take?

i I

What's up. Beat? This is G Enano chilling at the Ranch,
waiting for that day to touch down. I got a few more months
and I'm back to the spot. I been gone for a minute. This
system has had me down for a minute. I'm eighteen, so the
next step is 850 (Bryant — San Francisco County Jail.) I know
if I keep doing what I do, I'm going there, but one thing I
know is I don't want to stop. I might go to 850, so if you
ain't gonna stop doing what you do, you coming back to jail.
So if you want to be thuggin' like I do, we gonna live a thug
lifestyle. This is G Enano and I'm out.

-G Enano
From The Beat: Please read what you've just written. You already know
what^ probably going to happen to you if you keep doing whatever it is
you do that brings you into juvy, then the Ranch. You can stop yourself!
Haven't you already spent enough of your young life incarcerated?
What do the streets, the gang, the 'hood, juvy, jail have to teach you
that you don't already know? Why don't you challenge yourself and try
something else? Become the electrician your father trained! You've got
skills, talent, but it sounds like you have no hope! Why not?

/^y.-/rA/v#>^ MmWM

jmmmm^mimm ^^^/^^

stressing

This shhh here got a ninja stressing in here! Fm
stressing 'cause I can't wait until I get out! I never worry
'bout the ninjas in here 'cause they don't pump no fear
in me. But I worry about my ninjas on the outs! Whether
they're dead or not. I worry about my family, how they're
doing, whether they're alive or not. I can't wait until I get
out so I could get back! We all we got!

-Wink

From The Beat: Okay, you will get out, that's for sure. And then what?
Will you just keep doing the things that take you away from your family
and homies, the things that lead to the box, or are there changes in
your future?

i t I i I I i i 1 ! i i ! t i i ! I i i I i { I I t

When I Don't Want To Go Home... \

There are the days when the night is simply too fun to
go home. So I stay out all night till the morning, stay at a
homie's house, rent out a room at a little hotel.

There are the days when I am not speaking to my
mother and that why I don't go home.

There are days that just don't feel right going home.
I Now my reason will be because I live too far and it's too
late to get home in a safe way.

-Vanessa

From The Beat: We can understand your reasons for not wanting to go
home, sometimes, but we wonder whether stny of these reasons (having
too much fun, staying out all night, fighting with your mother) are
connected to losing your freedom, and not being allowed to go home?
How has being locked up changed your ideas about home?

RIP T-Weez

Damn, I just lost my cousin. I really miss my ninja
for real, an' I'm really mad 'cause I can't even go to the
funeral. I go to court a day after, but I don't know what
I'ma do when I get out 'cause I ain't neutral about what
happened.

I ain't talked to none of my family except my mom
and my sister, and I know they don't think like I think or
go through, let alone know about what happens when I'm
not home. And I just got off probation two months ago.
But my pain is gone be felt. That my blood line an I'ma
miss my ninja.

-Young Dunny

From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss, another senseless death of
someone who should have had a long life ahead. We can understand
the pain of losing a family member, but before you think about revenge,
think about the pain your mother and sister would feel for you if you
were the one that someone else was writing about. The cycle of a life
for a life leads to more and more pain, for more and more people. Of
course you're not neutral about your cousin's death, but there are many
ways to remember him without putting another mother into permanent
grief.

Reieige Feels Eoel

How does it feel to take revenge when someone has
done wrong to you? Man, I'm tell you ninjas straight like
this, Leroy! Revenge feel real good when you go do what
you do, but in the long run, you still can't replace yo'
homie or whoever you lost. But you still feel good inside
because you know you just rocked for ya homie, and you
know what he expects from you when he die. So revenge
feel real good, dog!

-Young Ice

From The Beat: Sometimes, things that feel good aren't really good.
Shooting heroin can make you feel good, too, but it will bring you
doiAfn real fast. We wonder how long the feeling that revenge brings
you lasts. The government executes killers, but what is the lesson this
teachers, except that killing is a way to solve problems? When you take
the revenge you're talking about, you continue a cycle of death for
death which can only lead to more death. Who will have the courage to
break that cycle?

Loss, Revenge, Forgiveness

It would be dreadful for me to lose anyone close to me.
I know for a fact I will have change in my life. But if it's a
matter of something that needs to be handled.

It's a must... no exceptions when it comes to fam.

-Vanessa

From The Beat: We're not sure what you need to handle, but if you're
talking revenge for something that's gone doivn, then you're ivriting
your own ticket back to the box. it^ a must... No exceptions!

RlPChino

What up with The Beat? It your boy Grimy. I'm over
here talking about the day I lost the homie that mean
hella much to the 'hood. RIP Chino and the other fallen
warriors. But anyway, the homies died for the cause.

When it happen, I was at home sick. I was talking to
the homie and they said the homie died and I was shocked
because I was just kicking it with the homie and it only
took ten seconds for the whole thing to happen.

But that day I would never forget, the day you passed
away (07/4/84 to 03/25/06). RIP Chino. You will never be
forgotten.

-Grimy

From The Beat: So many "warriors" lost to the cause, and always a
different cause. (We send them to Iraq for one cause; you have another
cause; your enemies have yet a third cause.) And all we see are young
men killing other young men leaving broken families behind, mothers
who will never get over the needless loss of their sons. We're sorry
about your loss, but is any cause worth it?

ng
pry I

I Love My Faoiily

I learned a lot about the streets. I learned that there was
a lot of people dying in the Mission. I learned mostly the
'hood is sick, and I really call them my family. They watch
my back and I watch their backs.

There are a lot of vodka drink around my neighborhood.
I mostly protect my mom dad sister, teddy and my cousins.
I love them with my whole heart. I will die for my family. If
you mess with my family or 'hood, there will be problems
or worse.

I miss my family. Stay up, my sister told me. I love my
family with my whole heart.

-Lir Jon

From the Beat: Your family doesn't need you to die for them. How could
that help them or make them happy? They want you to live, to be free,
to be able to stay with them and not end up in a box being told what to
do by strangers. Don't you know that all those people dying out there
had someone watching their backs, and it didn't keep them alive. Love
requires some sacrifices, so if you want to show your love, you have to i
sacrifice the things that let the system take you away from them. I

Ask For A Hug

Everyone is stuck in the game

They trying to get up their fame

Ninjas trying to go hard and start popping

They be always rocking and there ain't no stopping

Always be on their blocks

Holding up their gun stocks

They shooting down the other elites

Tryna be a gangsta in the streets

Ain't no point in being a thug

If you a gangster just ask yourself

Did you ever have a hug?

-Ct

From The Beat: We think you're pointing out something important,
which is the game can often be a substitute for the lack of love in
children's lives. Are you stuck in the game? We hope not, because you
have some skills and some knowledge to teach. Keep writing.

//////

Days When I Don't Want To Go Dome ^^

Its been a few time when I didn't want to go home. Not
because of what my parents would do, but what the boys
would. When I'm on the run, them peoples come to the
spot messing with me constantly to the point where I
moved out the way to the honey comb hide out. Shhh
cold like that, but what can I do? Cold game.

-Joe Dirt

From The Beat: They say if you can't stand the heat, get out of the
kitchen. We could reverse that in your case and ssty that if things are
cold in the game, get out of the game!

Moiei Is mi

Man, the days when I didn't want to go home was because
the spot was booming like hell. Ninjas was outside
zoomin', just doing shhh real ninjas do. Sometimes I just
be wanting to go mess with my female fo' couple of days.
My main reason is money 'cause without that, it ain't
shhh. A ninja really be tryin' to hit fat house licks. Where
I come from, a ninja gone always go fo the money or licks.
But chu know how I feel, money over females.

-Lil' Junk

From The Beat: On this day, forty years ago, the great Civil Rights'
leader, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. So, when we read
pieces like this, talking about what "real ninjas" do, it just makes us
angry. What was his sacrifice all about? We'll leave it at that.

My Lil' Story

holding it down. Well, today I'm talking about revenge.
Man, I want revenge on the judge and the DA. To hell with
both of them. I hope I catch them on the come around,
you dig.

I'm like ha, ha, ha, ha laughing at them haters. Keep
y'all heads up. Remember we do the time, time don't do
us.

-V-G

From The Beat: When are you going to write us something that is
meaningful, that teaches something, that is more than just nonsense.
Threatening the judge and the DA is the worst kind of nonsense because
you've given them all the power they need to control your life. Why
would you promise to hand over even more control? Have you started
thinking yet (using the time instead of losing the time)? We'd like to see
some evidence of that.

Well, I'm going to write about the days when I don't want
to go home. I remember when I was in the 7th grade at
Benjamin Franklin, and I remember I used to cut school
and go meet with my boyfriend that I thought I was so in
love with. But I was wrong. I was too young to know what
love was,

I was supposed to be home at 5:30 and I would get
home late like around 7:30 or 8:00. My mom wasn't home.
She would be at work. But when she got home, I knew I
had one coming, I remember I used to be on the bus going
home, and I would be thinking, like, "Damn, what lie do
I make up now?" Now I just reminisce, like, "Damn, that
was crazy!"

But yeah, guess this will be my last time in here
writing in The Beat. But when I get out, I definitely will
holla back to y'all. I like this program. All right, this my
lil' story. Late.

-Monstrita

From The Beat: We like this story, Monstrita, because it reminds us of
the little lies we used to have to tell when we didn't come home when
we were supposed to. We'll miss you in The Beat, but we're pulling for
you to stay out of here, and not to do anything that threatens your
freedom. And ive'll look forward to hearing from you on the outs.

Revenoe ^.

What's good with The Beat? This yo' boy V-Guttah, 1

! I

I I

i I

J L

I Had To Forgive

Yeah, in '07 1 lost my big cousin, Mitch, you know, hatin',
man. But the worst thing to see was my aunty when she
saw her only son lying in the casket. It made me so angry
and sad at the same time.

I'ma beast. I had to forgive. Can't beef forever. He ain't
here no more.

-Ray

From The Beat: We wish you had written more details about how you
forgive, and how you leave the beef behind. We admire what you've
written, but it makes us want to know more.

We Ain't Gonna Come Baci(

Boy, we're so close to each other

But I barely see you, not able to talk to you

Every time I see you, you got a smile on your face

And you always put a smile on my face

Baby, I love the way you kiss me, the way you hold me

The way you make me feel so good

I hope the both of us get up outta here ASAP

It's been a long time since we talked

I want to talk to the real you

It's just too much that happened

Once the both of us get up outta here

We ain't gonna come back here

We just go to school do good, whatever we could

And just do our time so we could both graduate from

high school

Have a great time together, enjoy ourself

Boo, I miss you so much you're running through my

mind 24/7

You my best friend, boyfriend, baby that I always care for

Boy, I love you so; it's forever you and I.

-Pamela

From The Beat: The most important thing you've written in this love poem
is the promise to "just go to school" when you get out, and graduate
from high school. We hope the object of your love does the same, but
our concern is for you, so whether he understands the importance of I
what you've written or not, we hope you see that as your first priority. I

Yoong Soidier

I'ma soldier... Y'all may say that people can't change, but
don't get twisted 'cause I'm a strong individual. But the
boys training to run up in our familia... Abuses, excuses,
and the game is getting colder.

And yeah, we say tripping dumb stupid bs got me
messed, but we don't do it for free no more. We come
ready, and y'all know we don't trip about the money. We
spend. All eyes on us like Machiavelli. I know how the
game.

I'ma put y'all in some true or wherever y'all call it.
I'ma young soldier and I'ma be about it, melting all this
haters till the day that I die. Y'all know ninjas don't like
us 'cause we come sick.

That's I got y'all ninjas, but I'ma little thug locked
up in juvie. All I think about is creaking all them haters,
trust me. We know we been here and done that, but I'm in
some other stuff now. I Anna bounce back.

-Shadow

From The Beat: If you insist on writing things that are not appropriate
for The Beat, we will just keep cutting those things from what you
write. The most important thing you told us is that you are a "little
thug locked up in juvie." The rest of this piece is like an announcement
that you plan to be a big thug locked up in the pen. We hope that
doesn't happen to you, because if it does, you'll look back at this little
experience with regrets and tears, wishing you were back here. We hope
you don't wait until then to make some changes, but thatls up to you.

//// //

The Snitch

^' f

What pissed me off was my ninja turned out to be fake.
The ninja said he was my dog but was a vicious snake.
I knew he wasn't shhh when the beef finally came. He
bought a gun to try an' get a name. The ninja got shot, but
he scared to bust his shhh. Every time we got rapped, the
ninja snitched. He the type of ninja that steal yo' bundle
and help you find it, knowin' goddamn well the shhh up
in his pocket.

-Frontline Dni

From The Beat: We can't tell which one of you is the bigger fool, him
for snitching or you for hanging with a snitch and giving him the
ammunition he needed to save himself. The entire system is built on a
foundation of snitches, from the hall to death row; trading information
for their own safety, so if you keep giving it to them, you'll keep getting
wrapped. Up to you!

Ready To Get Own

Yeah, what's up with The Beat? I'm ready to ge
for real, man. This jail shhh ain't cool. I'm tryna beat this
case and touch down. A ninja be going to Omega and they
be saying some real shhh that I be soaking up.

I got my mind right and I think I'm ready to bounce
and don't come back like most.

I'm outta here Mike. Betta put my shhh in there, or
you don't he lookin' like Albert Einstein. I'm out.

-Bb

From The Beat: We like what you've written, but we wish you would
put in more details. For example, what do you hear at Omega that is
reaching you, changing the way you think? What are you soaking up?
And what does it mean to you to get your mind right? Do you have a
plan for when you walk out of here? It doesn't have to be elaborate,
but you better think about the steps you want to take, and then try
to follow those steps. Otherwise, someone else will be making those
plans for you.

^et down |

My Rap ^

What's up with The Beat? This ya boy Chris holding

shhh down in this so-called m£iximum security. They

should change this unit name to M£iximum Day Care. All

these ninjas in here is soft like marshmellows, ya dig?

I'ma spit a quick fiow fo y'all. Ain't nothing special

though.

15 years old going hard at a young age

You ain't even on my level, I'm on a further page

I'm that vicious lion locked up in this cage

This beef shhh ain't no game
Thuggin' shhh out runs in my family vein

-Lir Canon

From The Beat: We're sorry, but we had to clean up your rap/No threats
of gunplay, no bustin' a cap/We're not about killing, no not in the least/
We're more about love, about taming the beast/You may think that
your harder than others in here/But all that will get you is prison and
tears/You're locked in a cell with cement for a bed/But you're right, it is
daycare, compared to what lies ahead!

Forgive And Forget?

Just found out my boyfriend is having a baby. A whole
lot of he-say-she-say. I went to jail on his b-day and he
basically forgot all about me. I'm supposed to be the love
of his life. Should I forgive and forget?

-Nenee

From The Beat: This is such an old story, Nenee. It happens every day
because children are being raised by children and thinking they're
adults. We can't tell you whether to forgive and forget or not, but we
can encourage you to wait before you bring a new life into this world
because the fact that you're here says you're not ready (and, at your age,
you shouldn't be ready). You have to remember that by doing whatever
it was that gave the system the power to take you from her, you showed
that you weren't really thinking of him, either.

Hurry Up!

What's good with The Beat? This Ulala! Waitin' ta get
the heck up outta here! Mayne, yo I'm just wondering
what they gonna do with the young uce... Is it Seattle or
straight to the Ranch wit' my big ass? Heh heh heh!

Keep yo' head up, and be smooth. And screw the
system...

And to The Beat, try ta say something stupid... I'll
break yo'... (To be continued...)

-Ulala

From The Beat: Well, if you can say something stupid, why can't we?

Wliat Make Siiadow Mad

What makes shadow mad is that Shadow is still locked
up. I got charged three months ago. I've been locked up
for three months for nothing. It's cool though. My co-
partners been got out. My home girls got out. Another
thing that's makes Shadow mad is I can't have Payasa
'cause I'm locked up.

Shadow also gets mad when Shadow gets room time.
Shadow got mad when Shadow got DRB for dive days for
taking off on a rival after the little ceremony because
Shadow didn't want to stop fighting. Them wack-ass
wannabes tried to jump Shadow, so Shadow took off first.
Shadow's enemy couldn't hang, and them other suckas
didn't want to see me, ha.

But Shadow learned his lesson. No mas drama
because Shadow 'bout to get out soon to Sacramento or
Vasilia by Tulare. Shadow 'bout to be 18 soon.

But all right then, this boriqua is gone. Much love and
respecto. I'ma be home soon so see me when you see me,
carnal.

-G Shadow

From The Beat: We will miss you in the workshops, GS, because you
always write — and sometimes what you write blows us away. But at
other times, we can't escape the feeling that Shadow is his own worst
enemy, and that until Shadow learns to control the way he^ been living,
he may be in for some rough roads ahead. We want to be proven wrong

I about this, and yve hope yve are. When you get to your group home,
write us. I

Tattoos

What's good with The Beat? When I get out I'm gone get
a tat on my arm of my mama because that's my best friend
and the only one I can trust. My second tat is gone be on
my chest saying "fear no man but god trust no female and
stay loyal to family." I

-Lano I

From The Beat: Let's get this straight. Your mama is your best friend but
you're going to get a tat that says "trust no female." Hmmm. Sounds
like a contradiction to us. Plus, you must have a hella big chest to get
all that tatted there!

Lite Wkei I Get lut

U
\

When I get out, I have to do better. No more JJC. If
anything, I'm going to the big house and I'm good. I'm
not trying to go to the big house. What I'm going to do is
finish school, get a job, go and travel to hella places.

I just want to do better and make my family happy for
what I do, and also myself. I'm out this hole. Late.

-Eb

From The Beat: We hope you are able to follow through on your plans to
finish school, because that could be the key to everything else good you
want to happen in your life. Where would you like to travel to? What
would you like to see. We think that traveling outside this country is
one of the most valuable educational experiences anyone can have, so
we encourage you to keep that dream in your sights.

//// //

Forgiveness Is Not Easy

What's up with The Beat? This ya boy Young Dave
holding it down in the ni£ix unit.

But yeah, Fma tell y'all about a person I lost that was
real close to me. He was shot and killed two years ago for
some dumb shhh. But yeah, at that time I wanted revenge
on everybody that got in my way. But a few years later, I
tried to give forgiveness but it was not that easy.

But yeah, I'm gone right now. Holla at me later.

-Dave

From The Beat: Every time we read of another young man shot to death
on these violent streets, we icnow it was for "some dumb shhh." What
could ever be "smart" about killing of our children? We would love for
you to spend a little more time telling us about your effort to forgive,
even if you were never able to succeed. Yes, forgiveness is difficult,
but it may be the only way back to community health. Give us your
thoughts. (P.S. No RIPs, unless you write an entire piece about the
person you're paying tribute to.)

~\ [ Loss, Revenge, And Forgiveness \

Never The Same

It feels like shhh to lose someone close to you. It feels
like being killed yourself. It feels so bad. It really a feeling
you can't explain until a lot of time goes by and then you
can try to explain your pain. But it will never feel the
same.

-Tory

From The Beat: We agree with the way you've described losing someone
as a feeling that words can't explain. All we can say is that time helps to
reduce the pain, though it never takes it away completely.

The Stranger

I was walking down the street. It was raining outside and
I didn't have an umbrella. Then this boy walked up and he
let me use his umbrella. I met him and I actually started
to like him.

He called me every day, and he became my boyfriend.
We talked for two years, and he said he wanted to be with
me forever. Even though I haven't seen him in almost
four months, I know that he still loves me and would do
anything for me.

-Baby Kay

From The Beat: This is a sweet story. Baby Kay. But if you have someone
so nice in your life, why would you do the things that let the system
take you away from him? If he would do anything for you, maybe it's
time for you to do something for yourself, which is to make smarter
choices, the kind that preserve your freedom and allow a relationship
like this to mature into something more.

Moist Li(in|: Gtapter #1

It was a bright and sunny day in the hard-core streets of
San Francisco. The ladies was out today, and man was I -
feeling like I was in a tip-drill video. I'm a mansion, a well I
known thug ninja around these streets. But it all started
when it was a party when I met this lil chick named
Cheeks. The reason why they call her Cheeks is because
mammy had an ass like a caddy truck. I mean if she walk
backward, her ass might start beeping.

So me being me, I had to speak. I made my way toward
her and said, "A bay bay! Wha' 'sup wit' chu. ma?" in a
tough but loving manner. She looked at me as if I was
stupid, but I paid no mind to that. I started to speak
again, but said nothing. I was getting ready to walk away
when she stopped me and said, "I am sorry. I'm just going
through some things wit' my ninja. He cheatin' on me."

-T-House

From The Beat: Well, since it^ only chapter one, we don't want to be too
hard on you. But, if we heard your come-on line (and knew that it was
motivated by nothing more than her big butt), then we might look at
you as if you were stupid, too. We're hoping this story goes somewhere
deeper than where it starts...
I I

What's good Beat? This that solo cholo Gangsta Shadow.
That young boriqua.

A loss I felt was the passing of the homie Chino
(7/4/84-3/25/06). I was locked up when it happened, and
I called my homie, and he told me. I went off. I got DRB,
and when I got my 30 minutes of rec, I took off on this
one kid when he went to the bathroom. When I was in my
room, I cried. I swore to get revenge.

He was a good homie too. He had flows on the mic
kids, he loved hella stuff going for him. I got four different
RIP shirts of him. I got all the CDs where he was on them.
His anniversary is next week, so hopefully I'm out to
crack one of them Hennesseys open without any chaser.
Gone but not forgotten.

-G Shadow

From The Beat: This is the second RIP to Chino in this unit. But there
are so many losses, that we can't keep count, and that's like a plague, a
disease that is wiping out a generation. You wanted to cry, so you went
off on some kid who had nothing to do with your loss or your pain. And
so it continues. The path you've taken hasn't worked well for you, and
it didn't work well for Chino. You are smart, but are you smart enough
to see that life is worth much more than this endless cycle of kill and
be killed, one for them and one for you? Sometimes we think that the
human brain is an evolutionary dead-end, and that we won't stop until
the entire species is wiped out!

Not Without A Fioht

Yeah, what's up Beat? Me, well I'm still fighting this can-
ass CYA recommendation. I'm not trying to go up there.
I'm not saying I can't do it 'cause I can do my time. It's
just I'm not going down without a fight! Feel me!

-Angel

From The Beat: This is almost not worth printing. Angel, because it says
very little except that you plan to fight the recommendation to CYA.
Why not educate us a little bit with the opportunity The Beat gives
you. Why are they recommending CYA? How much are you (not them)
responsible for this? How do you plan to fight it, and how do you plan
to use whatever time you may get, here or there or somewhere else,
to take back control of your life? Have you learned anything in this
process? if so, can you share some of that with us?

Liviog For Tlie Moment

What's poppin' with The Beat, dawg? Yeah, man, once
again this be that young ninja Yesay aka Iggus, ya heard
me. But check it out, dawg, a ninja just went to court
today and they hollerin' 'bout some out-of-range shhh
like Wyoming. Ha ha! They got this young ninja messed
up, dawg.

I'ma shake back to my section where it's gully, ya
heard me, and just live for the moment, dawg. Y'all betta

I come see about this young ninja, dawg. I ain't no lyrical
ninja, I just tell y'all what's going wit' me. Check out.
-Iggus

From The Beat: Shake back to your section, and you'll soon be shaking
back to this section. It follows as the night follows the day. But when
I you live for the moment, being locked up comes with the territory.

Always In My Heart

What's good with The Beat? This yo' boy KickR. WeU...

I remember the old days. I remember the day I met
you. I met you at the park. Since that day, we got closer
and closer. I remember when we used to play fight, hug
you, be with you mostly at the park every day.

Then we both disappeared for a minute. I missed you.
I thought about you, but when I seen that face again, you
made my day. You will always be in my heart, Payasa!

-KickR

From The Beat: Remembering is fine, but even better is getting out of
here and staying free so that you can make some new memories.

//// //

Dear Baby, I'm Sorry

Dear Baby, Fm sorry I made you cry.

Dear Baby, Fm sorry I hurt your little heart.

Dear Baby, Fm sorry I couldn't be there for you.

Dear Baby, now Fm here.

So Baby, don't cry no more.

-Ronnie

From The Beat: Don't be sorry. Make it up to that person to show that
person you really do mean ivhat you ssty.

Dedicated To a Special Someooe \ [

I pull over and let the fool have it,
see when it comes to the G life you gotta live it like a savage,
creeping through these streets ready to wreak some havoc,

devil's living in my heart and I got demons in the attic.

With passion, I simultaneously represent where Fm from

and stay smashing, different fashion.

When Fm passing, homie, ain't never laggin ...

Girl, Fm chilling with your brother

and Fd like to know the answer

to the question that Fm asking: What it do?

You don't know me and I don't know you.

I know your name.

My name's Joseph, but you could call me Smiley.

Fm interested in meeting you.

I like my game to be blatant, but I guess you could call y

this a clue.

Locked up for robbing a store

you locked up for hurting another in your way,

but this is the game we play.

I like to experience how Bonnie and Clyde felt,

so what you say?

Daffy looks like Capitan M

and I think its hella funny hella white girls

be jocking this tall flrme vato,

but I need a chola,

so forget them snow bunnies they're still nobodies.

I know you feel me on this cause you're not that far away,

been locked up for a long ass minute but I still got shhh to say.

But anyways, even though I hear staff calling

"M" every morning, I still get shhh my way,

'cause Fm on supply and it's just another day.

To leave fools in a daze

living in the fast lane:

Hypnotic, Fm on it like robotic economic

my words are anonymous

got these folks hooked on phonics

exorbitant chronic, a binding ball that's bionic

don't drink water that's tonic,

somebody call the doctor

Fm a bilingual talker

a nuisance to society, but I keep it proper

keeping these other fools looking softer

drinking martinis and eating lobster

laughing at these weenies that try to act like mobsters,

I keep it coming like clockwork,

got these folks needing expert guidance

to figure out why my looks are darker.

I kinda result to violence when I notice these stalkers.

This is dedicated to someone special and I hope it stops her.

Keep your head up suaveita, smile now, smile later.

Don't let nothing get you down. Fm out.

- Smiley

From The Beat: There^ nothing liice skn old-fashioned love letter to
get a girl's attention, and the level of skill you are showing here will
definitely turn some heads. The best thing about writing, is that it
might be inspired by a special someone but the power of words outlasts
all of u%. Keep writing. Sorry we had to cut a part of your piece, but we
at The Beat have rules to follow too.

Problems At Hooie

What's up Beat? Today topic that Fm writing about is
the days when I don't want go home! The day that I didn't
want to go home was when I was living in the shelter and
there was nothing but problems with my mom and dad.
They didn't get along. So I stayed at my homie house
for a couple of days, and then I went home and I got
some clothes and money. Then I went back to my homie
house.

So that it until next time.

-Rod

From The Beat: It's hard on the children when parents can't get along
and forget that their first responsibility is not to themselves, but to
their kids. We're sorry you had to stay in a shelter because home was
too difficult. What's the situation now? Are your parents still together?
When you get out, who will you live with? (We can't publish your last
name, so we shortened it for you.)

Stay Ifl My Life

The very thought of you leaving my life

Broke me down tears

I took for granted all the love that you gave me

I know that's what I feared

Every heartbeat, every moment, everything I see is you

Please forgive me, Fm so sorry

Don't say were through

Girl I need you, to open up my eyes

Girl I need you, to be by my side

'Cause without you, where would I be

Yes, I need you, come back to me

A kiss is not a kiss without your lips kissing mine

You bring me paradise

I can't live if you took your love away from me.

Without you I would die

Every second, every minute, every time I close my eyes

I could feel you, so I want you to stay in my life.

-Ly

From The Beat: There is real power in these words of love, and we hope
their power finds their mark in her heart. But if they don't — if she does
not come back to you because you did whatever it was that put your
love for her second — then you will have to live with this consequence.
It is what we often %x^, that some consequences are permanent, and
that unless steps are taken in time, you may be left with nothing more
than "If only..." Nearly a thousand years ago, a Persian poet (now Iran)
named Omar Khayyam, wrote: 'The moving finger writes, and having
writ, moves on: Nor al they piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half ■
a line. Nor all they tears wash out a word of it." I

5 li B i 1

Death is

Death is kind to he who is in pain,

but cruel to those who mourn him.

Death is kind because it does not

discriminate young or old,

black or white,

rich or poor.

When mankind wages war

death smiles

knowing that he gains new subjects

under his power.

The greatest healer of all is

Death.

When all others fail

it is to Him that we go.

Death is the great equalizer.

We should not fear death

but respect Him

and know that He waits for us

with open arms.

-Wolverine

From The Beat: We may not agree with you, but we admire your facility
lAfith the language.

//// //

starting Young

I started smoking weed when I was in elementary School.
The first time I got high was out of a coca cola can. I was in
4th grade. I started drinking in the 7th grade. I remember
taking a shot of some 100% Tequila from Mexico. It was
the morning before school. I never made it to school.

I remember I was at my homeboy's pad. He wanted me
to try thizz pill. I just wanted to try it. so I took it. I was
kicking back at the house, listening to oldies. Then it hit
me like a earthquake. My eyes were rolling to the back of
my head. I was on one. I looked in the mirror; my pupils
were hella big.

Since then, I've popped like at least one time a day. In
truth I am a beer drinker, especially Tecate.

_Johnny

From The Beat: We appreciate the details in this piece, Johnny, but
we are sad that you are still hooked on habits you began sk% a small
child. While your body is growing, you're still acting like the elementary
school kid who was led into drugs and alcohol, and keeps his mind from
growing by not examining where these habits are taking him, and what
effect they are having on his growth and development. In truth, you are
killing your future. None of this is good for you, and the alcohol may
be the worst of all. It's one of those drugs that seems so harmless that
you can sink, little by little, into a deep hole that, when you recognize
how deep you've fallen, becomes almost impossible to dig yourself out
again. If you examine your life sk% honestly sk% you've done in this piece,
do you see a link between your drinking and drug u%e and the fact that
you have handed away your freedom? Is that what you want for your

future?

Anger

When I get angry I blow up and want to fight. The person
I always want to fight gets scared. That makes me more
angry and I start to hit the walls.

-Chris

From The Beat: We bet those walls aren't afraid of you, at all. So,
shouldn't that calm you down, by your logic?

I I

Sweet Reienge

Revenge is sweet

First you lose, now you wanna beat

Your blood is on heat

Sometimes lives is what you want to keep

Knock them off their feet

They thought it was done

But the funk has just begun

They see you, they run

But they're gonna get caught

With one that's hot

Revenge is fiying through your mind

That's what leaves you blind

Let all your rage out

Just to show him what you're all about

Cops' sirens, you run

Get to kick back to have fun

You're chillin'

While the victim is thinking about killin'

He hits the corner buckin'

You're duckin'

As he keeps popping

You start dropping

Damn! He got you

Now what do you do

You know what get that foul

Revenge don't stop

Until your death box drop

-Cisco

From The Beat: Revenge may be sweet, but it leaves behind even more
grieving mothers and children and lovers. The dead are out of their
pain, but the living... What do they deserve?

True Life

Well, I guess I can say I'm not happy to be here. But
at the same time I look for the good in the bad. My dad
always tells me, "What doesn't kill you will make you
stronger". I can honestly say that I believe that... and then
there are the things that do kill you and that instill fear
in us. Within yourself, if you're not dead, you're getting
stronger.

-W

From The Beat: You're alive and kicking, so, if what you believe is true,
you must be getting stroner. We hope so.

The Dream

I never forget the day I saw my angel come to save me
from heaven. All my cries froze in time and my soul
seemed to be free. Then I woke from my dream and it
seemed to be hell. It was real and heaven couldn't save
me from me.

-Scy

From The Beat: At times it seems sk% if our dreams are the only place we
find real peace. What make this world so cruel at times that we can't
wait to go to sleep just to escape it fire of pain? The test is for you to
pull your dreams out of your reality.

What Goes Around Conies Around

I am going to write about my homeboys Lefty and
Speedy, RIR They passed away. They were close friends. I
was kicking it with them and all of a sudden they're gone.
And I felt hella bad but I couldn't do nothing about it right
there because when Lefty died, I was at the Ranch and
when Speedy died, I was in here. Alrato.

-Lil' IVIan

From The Beat: It seems like one of the hardest things to be away from
your friends and community when someone dies. You have to deal with
it alone, instead of celebrating the life of your friend with others who
knew them. But one way to continue to celebrate them is to write about
why you cared about them. A bad way to memorialize them is to try to
take revenge.

Doino My Thing

I'm getting out the day after my birthday and I'm 'bout to
be 18. Damn... It's a trip. I feel so old.

Well I'm getting out with almost nothing but hope. I
did it on my own for a long time and now it's time to get
on it and get mine. Mama's going to be working single,
and legal. Damn sounds good to me.

I graduate this month and I'm college bound so it's
time to make my way up to the top. I'll be out before this
comes out so stay up.

-Top Notch

From The Beat: It always feel like heaven when it's time to get out and
a person can sometimes think he/she got it all figured out but when
temptation arise there^ not many that withstand the test. Watch out for
the roadblocks because they will try to take you down.

Me - Here's Who I Am

I am a martial artist, no self-defense, only actual hand-
to-hand fighting. I am devoted to my honor code and
view the world through unbiased eyes.

I say what is true. I am always looking for more wisdom
and strength through meditation and by pushing my body
to new limits. I am a shadow, an eroded memory, an
enigma. I am behind my own understanding, so now I
must meditate more on both myself and where I belong.

-Wolverine

From The Beat: Are you sure you aren't a small, furry animal with a hair-
trigger temper?

^ />4i

//// //

Why?

Why do I have so much hatred?

I look at people with a mean mug. Why?

I find the need to sell drugs

so my baby can feed on something.

Don't want him to starve like a bum on crack. Why?

Hooked on drugs: marijuana and cocaine.

Once I have it, I look for it and need it

like a stray dog lookin for a peace of meat. Why?

Lord, tell me why you give us life

but you take my dawgs like the wind. Why?

I take for granted another day,

knowing that tomorrow isn't promised.

Lord, tell me why?

Hatred, death, murder, drugs.

Lord, I don't want to be a victim

of these streets.

Please, tell me why.

- Schitzo ''The Boss"

From The Beat: This piece reads iiice a prayer someone would be saying
before they go to sleep, it has that honesty and rawness that comes in
a personal moment ivith God. Thank you so much for sharing it. Anyone
lAfho has had a "why" moment ivill relate.

Baby, I'm For Real

"It's been too long, and I'm lost without you.

What am I gonna do?

Said I'm needing you, wanting you.

Wondering if you're the same

And who's been with you?...

Is your heart still mine?

I wanna hold you tight... I miss you" - Aalijah Lyrics

Baby I want you to know that I love you and I miss you
so much. I think about you every day. Even though you
and I aren't together at the time, you will always be in my
heart. Baby, I'm for real about you and our relationship. I
want you to know that I care for you deeply. You have my
heart... always have, always will. I don't want anybody but
you. You are my one and only love Sephina. I want you to
trust me girl. I want you to realize that I truly want to be
with you. Whatever I have to do to make this work, I will
do. I will bend over backwards for you in the name of love.
As long as I can help it, I will never hurt you. I love you
with all my heart! Nothing or no one could stand in my
way of loving you. I want you so bad right now, you have
no idea. I just wish you were here with me so I could tell
you how much you mean to me. Together or not baby, I
will be right here holding it down for you, off top. That's
my word. You are not replaceable and I will never make an
attempt to find someone new.

"You should let me love you

let me be the one to

Give you everything you want & need

Baby good love and protection

Make me your selection

Show you the way love suppose to be

Let me love you." - Mario Lyrics

So that's all I got to say Beat. That I love and miss my ex
Sephina. I'll holler another time. I'm ghost.

-Cupcake

From The Beat: Change is never easy to accept. Sometimes we want
things to stay the same and never change. Hardly that ever happens
in this life ive live in. We hope you'll once reconcile iwith your ex but if
not the world is full of different flavors ready to put a rainbow smile
on your face.

Boring Day

Damn Beat. I had a boring day. I'm chillin' with my home
girl Ronnie. We are in the classroom cracking each other.
I said to her there was boogers in her nose. She picked
it and wiped it on me! How sick! Anyways, I'm bored! my
girl is waiting for me. I miss her smile already. Her sexy
kisses, makes me feel all tingly. I'm out.

- No Name

From The Beat: You can say love can sometimes be nasty. There's nothing
like goofing off with a friend on a boring day.

Lost A Home Boy

I found out while I've been locked up that my homeboy
got shot up and he died. I found that he got shot three
times, twice in the chest and once in the head. I guess
the people came from around the corner hit him up and
got him. My other homie ran and left my homeboy, ...
them fools. Why didn't they get shot? But I know that
my homeboy is in a better place with that struggle off his
face. Me and him we're like brothers. Rest in peace Lil'
Yg.

-Chino

From The Beat: Hearing about a situation like this when you are locked
up is especially hard because you can only imagine the situation that
happened to your friend and how you might have reacted if you were
there. Don't be too hard on your other friends, though, they are probably
feeling especially bad.

The Straoger

The stranger that tried to help me was on the light rail
one day. At first he just started preaching to me and I was
hella high. So I looked at him and I was like "Ay man,
no disrespect or nothing but I am hella high." He said,
"I know. That's why I am preaching to you." Then I said,
"Right, but you got to slow down because you're talking
too fast." Then out of the cuts that foo' asked for my
number. I was like "Naw, I don't have one." That shhh trip
me out because then that foo' was hella looking at me
from the corner of his eye. But yea that was it. Then I was
just hoping my cell phone didn't ring.

-Polecat

From The Beat: This is a funny scene that you really bring to life in just
these few sentences. It seems like he might not have wanted to help
you in the long run.

Love Will Always Stay

Baby, I'm your ride or die

for so many reasons why.

The things we do at nighttime,

what we cannot say,

the things we do

in a clandestine way.

I'll be the guy you can lean on

when you cry

because you always told the truth

and not a lie.

Always loyal by my side

that's some of the reason why

and even though we're miles away

my love for you will always stay.

- Chris

From The Beat: This is a beautiful poem, especially the lines: 'The things
we do at nighttime/ what we cannot say / the things we do / in a
clandestine way." You have a great way of expressing your emotions
with words. This will get you far in life, both with the ladies and
professionally.

//// //

II Hell toi Stall Pa)

"In Hell you shall pay"

Ha, but that's my way

rm feeling different, not the same

It hit my lungs and my brain

Two more hits to reload

This stuff has me on silent mode

Trying to get life's code

Soon I'll figure it out

Doing it alive is what I doubt

Well, until my paper has sex with the lead

I'll see you later or should I say write you later instead

-Cisco

From The Beat: Maybe there^ nothing to figure out... Maybe living
because you're alive is all there is to figure. Or, maybe there are great
mysteries to be solved. We don't know the answer to that question
("Life% Meaning") any more than you. But one thing we do Icnoiw: We
look forward to the next time your paper has sex with the lead.

Back Again

I guess things can change like that. I thought I was doing
good. Well, I was doing good and then I decided to not go
home. I kept putting it off and putting it off. And then
my friend's aunt had came home and I guess she didn't
want us to be there because she was hella mad. She was
screaming and yelling at us. I didn't know she didn't want
me there. She called the cops and sent them to my house
and I was on house arrest, so I knew I was screwed. I had
to sneak home because I had things on me that I didn't
want to get new charges for. So the cops came and said
we were messing up her house and throwing up in her
backyard, which wasn't true. And now I'm doing three
months in rehab. It was either that or the Ranch.

-Eddie

From The Beat: Sometimes parties can get totally out of control and it
is so hard to go home. How do you judge situations that you are in and
decide to get out of there before you get into trouble? Figuring that out
will solidify your plans to "do good."

Time For Me To Move Oo

It's always been natural for me to lie to people that
everything's OK, when I'm really going through hard
times. Times only get harder when I start believing my
own lies and come to the realization that things are really
messed up. This happened to me with my man.

I finally am coming to the realization that it's time
to grow up and move on to bigger and better things. He
played his games and told his lies. His true colors were
sadly shown to me after almost a year. And I'm not going
to lie. I played my games too and shed my tears with him.
It's not worth it. Maybe if he cared it would be a different
story. But he only cares about himself.

So ladies: Do your own thing, make your money, and
don't shed no tears for no dude. I'm out.

-No IVIore Tears

From The Beat: \tt aiways about you first. Never let that simple reality
be the reason you harvest negative activity towards the other gender
and persuade other girls to allow thorns to grow in their backyard when
their grounds are cut out for a rose.

Happy Birtiiday To Me

Freedom's just around the corner and so is my 40 oz.
of Mickey s and my Patron. Damn, I can't wait. I'm thirsty
already.

-Birthday Girl

From The Beat: Being intoxicated has always been a man/woman's
downfall. How do you succeed if your vision is always blurry?

! I

Delicated Ii Tie One I live

As time races by, I'm still longing

to look in your big brown beautiful eyes.

What I would do to just hold you

in my arms.

But all I can do is

just pray that your out of harms way.

Baby Boy I love you and that

ain't no lie

We're together 'til the end

and I hope your feelings are the same as mine.

I reminisce on the good 'n' bad we had together and all I

can do is cry cause this feeling in me hurts

and I feel like I'm about to die.

My baby ain't here wit me,

especially through these hard times

And I can't be there for him

to hold you in my arms 'n' say

"Baby, everything's going to be alright. I'm here for you

always 'n' forever

but it's a two way street I'm going to hold it down for
you 'n be there to support you in every thing. You are my
everything, and my love is devoted to you my one and
only.

I love you even if I do have to express my love to you
through The Beat Within.

I love you monkey and I'm for real and I haven't hidden
any secrets and have nothing to hide.

-Lil' Slick's Baby Mama

From The Beat: We hope your love will one day have a chance to
blossom with this special one. It seems like your words is sincere and
your actions have a chance of following its path.

Stranger

nd I

I'm in here for a gun charge, but a homeboy like me
ain't trippin off time. It's part of the life I chose! But back
on topic, one time I was hella drunk and the bus driver
gave me a free ride. It was greatly appreciated because I
could've got a "drunk in public."

Well, I'm gonna go for now. To all in this juvi and in
other cities, stay up, this ain't shhh compared to those
doing life in the pen. To that bus driver, thank you, and
to The Beat thanks because your program gives me extra
time out of my cell. "Late!"

-Tiny

From The Beat: Sometimes the kindness of strangers is the most
beautiful thing that can happen in this world. Do you think one day
you'll remember that bus driver and do a similar act of kindness?

A song

Finally somebody let me out of my cage.

Now time for me is nothing

'cause I'm counting no age.

Now, I couldn't be there.

Now, you shouldn't.

I'm good at repairs

and I'm under each snare.

I bet you didn't think so

but I command you to

pick and chose

sit and loose

all you different crews.

chicks and dudes-

Who do you think

is really kicken tunes?

From The Beat: We give up - who?

-Ags

//// //

The Latino Strangers!

X f

I remember when I was driving my 82 I-Roc Camaro
by Silver Creek High School. When my car started to
overheat, the engine got so hot I had to pull over.

After about five minutes of cussing at the car, some
Latinos came up to me and asked me if I needed any
help. So, I asked if they could help me push my car to
my cousin's house. So, we started to push my car. After
we were done, I said thanks and they left. A couple of
days later, I found out they were my brother's boys! So,
strangers can be generous!

-Green Eyes .

From The Beat: If they had been in position, would you have helped |
them the same way they helped you? In life in order to receive, you \
have to give. So don't forget to return the favor to anybody who needs
it. You were lucky!

ne I

A Night At Las Animas

One day, I didn't want to go home was when my pops
was tweeking with his homies. I didn't want to go home
because I didn't want to see my pops getting jacked.
Instead, I jacked a bottle and walked to the park with
my homies. I got so faded that I don't remember what J
happened. All I remember is telling my homies I was
gonna walk home.

I woke up to the sound of my homie telling me "ay get
up homeboy what happened? You got rushed." I stumbled
to my feet. I only got from one side of the park to the
other and I passed out. My brother carried me to my other
brother's pad. I will always remember that, who knows
what would've happened if he didn't find me.

-King D

From The Beat: Who knows! We understand you, we also wouldn't like
to be witness of a horrible scene created by the influence of drugs. Now,
you need to stop worrying about your father and worry about yourself.
You are very young and have a whole life to live and to enjoy. Some
people start messing up their lives by drinking and end up shooting up i
drugs through their neck veins. You don't want to belong from that list. I
Do you? Get out and try to help him. If you can't ignore what's around
you, and do your best moving getting a job, moving out from there
and start your own life. There are many who have been in your same
situation and have made it. You can make it sk% well. TVust us\

II 11 I I a I

Eyes of a Killer

-Rio

From The Beat: After giving it some thought, in the best interest of
our program, we are going to hold back your poem. We would have
considered publishing your work if there was a moral, a lesson to teach
VL% readers. We know oh too well the violence that plagues many writers,
we now need you to step up and teach while creating!

life...2

\ I

Like how I said in my last piece, how life's a hell, not
to trust anyone, not to let love blind you, and that if the
risk's worth it, take it. All this I think applies to everyone
in this world.

All we got is our balls, our word and we shouldn't
break them for anyone. Stay true, live life, don't let it live
you.

For me, what I learned is that you gotta do it for
yourself and to never give up. Keep your head up always.
Do what you gotta do to maintain. The best thing you can
do is to move forward with a purpose, appreciate every
day as much as you can. Keep your heads up, late.

-Celoso

From The Beat: Great! You've gave u% good advice! But they are not
specific enough to give u% ideas of what we should really do to make
it happen in life. What can we do? What exactly are you recommending
u% to do? To go to school? Get a good education? Get a job? You said
something about to do what we gotta do to maintain? Maintain what?

To Scrwed lip To Go Hooie

Q-Vole! Well the days I didn't want to go home was when
I was hella screwed up, drunk, high, bein' crazy off that
devil's drug if you know what I mean. Sometime I would
get so screwed up, I would forget what they called me.

-Lil' Man

From The Beat: Sounds more like you become a zombie, given how
messed up you become. You cannot afford to pollute your body with
drugs and drink skn^ longer, the system has a hold of you and will make
sure your life remains miserable, if you continue to put the devil's drug
into your spirit and mind.

Home IsTlie Hall

ug I

To The Beat: There was a time when I didn't want to go
home. It was when I got locked up. I have a good family,
but it was hard to see the pain in my loved one. The
environment wasn't that good, the only time I went home
was to help and protected my loved one.

The cops are shady and they don't care about anyone.
When the cops would try to mess with my family, I would
come home. All I care about is my family. I failed all my
programs for them and their safety.

Now I want to go home but I did some messed up
thangs so this might be my home for now. So for all you
lil ones, go home before it's too late and this becomes
your home. Late.

-Lil' Man

From The Beat: This pain that make you feel bad was created by you.
Do you know that? If you really care for them, show it with good action
and not just words. We can understand that you wanted to be there
when things get complicated at home, but the way you are handling
things is not proper way to look for solutions. If you really want to be
there for them, do your program, be a different person, and be at home
where you belong and where they need you. That's the best ^N«y to
make things better.

I Waitlno For Revenpe

Time in here goes by so slow. I'm waiting to go to another
unit, but it's taking so long. My homie just got out of the
hospital. He was in critical condition.

When I get out, I'm gonna get revenge but in the good
I way like living it up that my homie lived. There's no one
to get revenge on 'cause it's both their fault. Well gotta go
see you later keep your head up.

-Froggy

From The Beat: Are you trying to say that your revenge will consist
in living a good and normal life? Just remember what really revenge
brings. All it brings is more blood spreading, and tear shedding. Do the
right thing using your brain.

Tlie Very Kind Stranger

"J
\

On January 28, 2008, was the day I got arrested. I was
locked up for about a month when a staff who works at
the visiting place, let my sisters and aunts to come in and
gave me a hug when they weren't supposed to.

That man was very kind to my family and I, because he
could see in my face the expression how much I miss my
sisters. So he was kind enough to let them pass through
the doors and give me hugs even though it was for less
than a couple min. I really appreciated that, because he
put his job on the line for me. I will always remember this
staff even though I don't remember his name. Well that's
about it The Beat.

-Popeye

From The Beat: Damn sure he did a good thing! What do you think made
him do that? If you had been him, would you have done the same thing
to someone in the same position? Why? We would appreciate it if for
the next time, you can write about the questions before this sentence.
Can you?

//// //

Sitting, Tiiinidn'

Once again, what's up Beat? I've been good. What good
Beat? I'm thinking about what to say. I've been locked up
in downtown San Jose.

In my first time in a cell, I wasn't feeling too well. My
life hasn't changed, making mistake over and over. I just
want to get out, leave the drugs and try to be sober. I want
to live my live not the way I'm going.

I'm sitting in my cell not knowing what to do. Thinking
of my homies and how they're doing too.

When I get out, I'm gonna try to turn my life around,
and look up to the Big Man that created the sky and the
ground to help me make the right choices and do the same
to the homies I love. I pray their lives will be accepted up
above. Until till the end, this is my beat within.

-Lil' L

From The Beat: This is what's called, "reflection." You're on the right
track. You should help yourself out first and then think about helping
others. Think about positive things and don't worry about what your
homies are doing or not doing. Worry about what can you do to have
a better future, how to maintain yourself free, about how to help
those who really need you. There are many other things you should
be thinking about. Ignore thinking about your homies for a min and
think about your life and the way it's going. Can you do that for your
own good?

Ali Bad

What up Beat, it's Young Outlaw coming from this unit!
Well I ain't feeling any topics because I got some bad
news today!

Well like thirty- minutes ago my PO wants to send me
to county when I turn 19! Well I'm 18 years old stuck in
Juvi for violations. My PO is trying to give me six months
and I get sentenced on the 25tli so that means I won't get
out 'till September! And my b-day is in July so ima have
to do two months in county! Which I ain't really tripping
but I don't want to get my adult career started! Damn, and
my girl tripping off my baby's momma, so I ain't doing too
good!

-Young Outlaw

From The Beat: The Outlaw life is not paying off. Change the name, do
your time, get out and stay out of the system, and retire from a life of
pain. Work on you, take care of your child and your family!

... - III

If I Get In A Fight

What up Beat, it's your boy!
well when I get in a fight
I came home
my mom and dad find out I got in a fight.

They don't care

It's like they don't care if I get in a fight,

they don't care I guess.

-I care

From The Beat: Why do you suppose they don't care? Do you care? How
much do you care about bettering yourself? Tell vls\

Just Sayino

I represent that dime in my neighborhood mind.

Why is it a crime

to say what's on your mind?

Telling them cops the truth about how shady they are,

not to sound crazy but it's the hard life that made me.

You can hate if you want, just give respect and that all

get back.

- Scy

From The Beat: The freedom of speech is just something written down
under our 1st amendment but is punish more often for be exercised.
Freedom of speech is something of the past and is being murdered every
day by this neiv ivorld order.

Tiie Cage

The cage is where I live, sleep, and eat in and not by

choice.

It's cold, lonely and no human should have to suffer

that.

Time goes by slow, real slow,

so all you do is sit and think about what you could have

done different to not get caught up. You think about
everything, your family, your friends, brothers, sisters,

girlfriend...
what could they be doing right now (something you're

not)
but who knows 'cause you're in your cage.

-Bailey

From The Beat: After all this time thinking, have you gotten to a
conclusion? Do you like being in this cage? Can you think about all this
when being free? What's the key to be release from this cage? Can you

Victims of Pain

You speak of nothing but lies.
Nor felt the anger, vengeance, violence and hatred I've

felt.

This life has penetrated but still few face many.

For in my heart lied glory because of the life I've lived.

Darkness is my friend, my dying angel will bring harm,

but I am comfortable.

To me it's a charm.

I continue to contradict myself between purity and evil.

The words I speak to the world will always stay lethal.

I'm a weapon and my life is a war, so walk with me if you

want to win.

In my kingdom I can't explain, only these words -

victims of pain.

If you shoot me in a dream you better wake up and

apologize.

The only thing I'm looking for is the death in your eyes.

Yeah, I got to breath, but it's my last one left.

-Jesse

From The Beat: Who are you talking to in this dark angry piece? Who
doesn't understand what you have been through? Break it down

till

I I I I

I I I I I VTT

It's III GlOl

People say I am no good,
because I am always in my hood,

trying to stay out of trouble,

but no matter what it just doubles.

I got to keep my mind straight,

make sure everything's ok, it's all good, it's understood,

I'm keeping it strong, I know I could, got no problems or

no worries my focus never gets blurry.

-TriUo

From The Beat: So trouble you find in the hood, regardless, what
must you do to stay clean of problems? You got it, stay away from
the negatives in hood, unless you thrive for trouble, incarceration and

Ike Bis Stop

The only time I met a stranger is at a bus stop. When I
was at tiie bus stop, I didn't even have a bus pass so he
was cool enough to let me use his day pass just to let a
mack get his way through. So that is the only time I met
a stranger.

-Tongan

From The Beat: Would you do the same for a stranded person at the
bus stop? Hope so.

//// //

Loss, Revenge, Forgiveness

I never lost someone close to me, but growing up in
Oakland I seen plenty of lives taken. I witnessed plenty
of murders and it ain't a pretty sight. It stank. The bodies
get dumb ass deformed fast. And the family be coming out
screaming. But the worst thing to see is someone being
stabbed to death and the family is the ones who suffering
the most. So it heavyweight sucks.

It's also good in the hood cause that's how life goes,
but it's up to you to stay safe and watch your surroundings.
But my visit took up most times, and now The Beat is out
of here. So I gotta cutt. So peace out.

-Young Sha T

From The Beat: We apologize you had to live such a troubled life
experiencing things you simply maybe would have not experienced in
the suburbs. Let this experience be your 3rd eye and give you all the
insight you need to stand whatever crosses your path.

The Stranger

I been with my stranger going on 8 months. I remember
when I first seen him I walked in the San Jose Community
(School) and it was my first day. I seen someone sitting
in there looking hella mad and mean. He was getting
suspended for that day.

When I get my schedule, I started to walk to my class
and the lil homeboy says, "Damn. You have hella white
teeth", and I just laughed and the mean guy told him:
"Come on Ninja you don't say that." I just left and little
did I know me and my mean guy have been in love for
eight months going on 'til the end. I love you baby and I'm
devoted to you.

- Stranger's girl

From The Beat: A mean guy is only cool when he's gentle to his woman.
The flip side is a man and his attitude paints his picture for the world
to see. Would you say your mean guy is a good look?

Triple Life Sentence

I never wanted to go home because my mom always
looked sad. She was always talking about how her brother,
"my uncle," got a triple life sentence. She has recently
overcome and got used to my uncle's sentence. Now I go
home a lot and we have a really good bond! So that is why
I never went home.

-Green Eyes

From The Beat: Maybe the fact that you weren't home made her days
more depressive. How do you think she feels knowing that you are
going to the same direction your uncle went? It's time you start thinking
about her feelings. She's your mother and she doesn't deserve this. You
should be support to her in all ways not another problem. She needs
your help and your presence.

Git « Bide

What up Beat! It's your homeboy Nino. How you guys
holding up? I ran from the Ranch last December, and I
really didn't know how to get back to my city, Sunnyvale.
So I asked a stranger for money. He was a homeboy and I
used the money to use a pay phone.

My homeboy called his mom and her boyfriend picked
us up from one side of San Jose. So my homeboy's step-
dad gave me a ride to Santa Clara and I took the bus.

Yeah she was happy to see me and knew I ran. Yet she
let me stay the night at her house, I played, and I ate a lot.
Well I'm out, late.

-Nino

From The Beat: Likely, you got to your destination safe, but was it
worth running from your program? What did you get in return? If you
hadn't run from your program, would you be here or out?

\ I

My Family

I've been locked up for about two months. I always
wonder how my family is doing and if anything is
happening to them right now. That's why it sucks to be in
here, because I hate thinking and wondering if anything
bad is happening to them right now.

-Sh

From The Beat: If it sucks to be here, why are you here? Please help u%
understand this question. Why?

A Stranger Girl

What's cracking Beat? I got to tell you one time I met
a stranger. I was downtown in St. James Park. I was
supposed to get picked up from my mom, but my cell
phone was dead.

I was hella mad just when it started to sprinkle. So
I see this one white girl, she was texting so I ask her if
can borrow her phone. I thought she would be hating. So
I called my mom, then my mom said that she was on her
way.

I So, I'm bored, so I get into my LL Cool J Cupcake

mode. Her name was Marissa. Man I spit vicious game on
her easy. Next thing you know, she finds me on Myspace.
She leaves comments, and then we swap digits. After that,
I'm thinking to myself, that's bad business. So she used
to stay texting me and e-mailing me.

Then we got drunk at her pad once, and we were
buzzing. When I sobered up, I checked my phone. My boy
wanted to hit this lick, so I dip and left, then got caught.
But out of the cuts, she writes me. She be talking about
those love fairy tails, so I don't know Beat!

-Gadsden

From The Beat: Maybe she's part of your destiny. Write her back. Maybe
she can be the person that can make you change and keep you out

trouble. Get out and give yourself a better life!

Grandma

When my grandma pasted away, I felt lost and sad. She
was like my second mom. She understood everything I
went through. Or at least, I think she did.

She was on my side through good and bad times. She
was always giving me good advice on what to do now and
in the future. I miss going to church on Sundays even
though I didn't want to, but she always made it fun.

I think part of the reason I do the things I do or did
is because I lost part of my mind when she pasted. But
I don't use that as an excuse because I know that she
doesn't want me to be locked up. RIP. Lillian Ligon(Nana)
see you when I get there. Shhh if I do.

-Cravin

From The Beat: We're sorry for your loss. Like you said, don't take this
loss sk% excuse to mess up your life. Wherever she might be, she might
be wishing you the best hating to see you here. It^ time to wake up
and stop acting like a child. You are growing up and becoming a man.
Start acting like one, like the one your grandmother would have loved

Randnm

I wonder what is going on with my family. I have been
away for so long I barely remember anything. It has been
a year now.

They are planning to send me to a group home for
another year. I can't do that. What do you think Beat?

-AnonymousOne

From The Beat: Whether you like it or not, you are not in the hands
of the system, and the only way to step off from it is by doing your
programs. There's nothing you can do, but to agreed and follow their
rules until you accomplish your program.

fJS/ //

Those Days

X f

Walking through the hood slowly tryna' clear my mind,

Flag raised high so if rivals cross the border I won't be

hard to find,

Some say I'm looking for trouble

But the truth is I have nowhere to go,

Too much drama at the pad

So the calles is all I came to know.

I'm not running from my problems

Just trying to release my frustration.

Sometimes I need to feel alive

So that can explain all the chances that I'm taking.

My life I be risking at times

Just to take my mind off the shhh.

But after all these altercations

I still can't take my mind off of it.

Catch me walking down the block

all alone.

This is what we do on

"The days we don't want to go home,"

They say we're looking for trouble

But we have nowhere to go.

They label us menaces to society.

But about us, how much do they know?

-Shotgun

From The Beat: It doesn't help when you reinforce what they "the
system" labels you. Put down the guns. Leave the lifestyle and the labels
disappear. It's on you! Get your act together go to school and see what
they say about the new man you have become. It takes courage. Forget
blaming the pad and the hood, now it% time to take responsibility.

Always Runnino

One time, I was flending for the clavo (dope) and this one
guy gave me some. We were peaking, then we seen some
rivals and we always run, so we ran. We were so messed
up on drugs, we were running so fast, it was crazy. Our
homies say we look like sucked up rodents. We all look
the same, tall, skinny, short, sometimes even fat, but
always looking gacked. Speaking Spanish hella fast, and
we always think we're hard, but when it comes down to it,
the rivals always see us run. Anyways, we were running
for our lives, and barely got away, 'cause this stranger let
us get in his car, and drove off. We became cool after that
and always chilled.

-Lil' D'

From The Beat: Sounds pretty serious. If this is not a joke piece, you
need serious help for a drug problem that will kill you. As for the gang,
sounds like it^ best to turn in your belt and start a new life. What fun
is running? What fun is worrying about getting beat and having to
always look over your shoulder? In the best interest of the program we
have also taken out all the names in this piece sk% well sk% yours!

ired

I'm tired of having to take a crap up on the steel toilet.
I'm tired of having to buzz in just to ask for something
and pushing this damn button. I can't wait to get out of
this facility and grow up to be a man. Yes, that I should
be. I wanna graduate high school, and become somebody.
I don't have to be anybody's counselee.

I want to grow up just like my destiny. She's my world
and she's my everything. She's almost 18. 1 want to her to
give me her eyes, so I can see what I'm doing wrong in my
life. I can't wait to get out, get in a new school, and earn
some points for completing a sudoku.

-P-nut

From The Beat: Do you know the meaning of being man? What do you
think it takes to become one? But you know what, graduating could be
the first step. What's the next after high school? You got a lot to prove,
what are you waiting for? You don't need another person's eyes, in order
to vieiAf the things you are doing ivrong. Stop denying the reality!

I'd Rather Kick It Than Go Home

There are days that I don't want to go home. Most of the
time I'm kickin it with my home boys from my block or
posted in the park, you know. We all kick it at that park,
drink, smoke, pop pills, but never smoke shhh. It's hella
cool over there, we post, start a bonfire, hella chill.

Sometimes I be going to different cities like to San
Jose, Redwood City, San Francisco, stay there all night
drunk or high, sometimes even thizzin'.

But being locked up sucks and that's a fact so I'm
gonna lay low on the drugs and just kick back, chill with
my boys and smoke some cigarettes.

When I get out of the Ranch, I got a plan to go to
school and do good so I can stay out, 'cause if you think
'bout it, in the long term, you make more money the right
way. That's it for now....

-Carlos

From The Beat: How do you define doing good? Can you stay away
from drinking and poppin' pills? Hope so, if not, you do need help! If

I your boys are true friends they will support yoru effort to doing good,
otherwise, you definitely have your wrork cut out.

Descaoceo Eo Paz (Rest lo Peace]

Q-vole Beat what's cracking? Well this is Stomper back
again to write about two important people in my life that
passed away.

One of those two people was my little sister. She
passed away about years ago, at a very young age and
since that day it just hasn't been the same for me. It is
hard to know that she is gone. That same day I got to play
with her, was the last time.

The other person is my homie. He passed away in the
year '07. What makes it hard is that I didn't get to see
him, but I did get to talk to him about a week before he
passed.

I was here in the hall when it happened and I just
couldn't believe it. That day my tia (auntie) came to visit
me, she broke down crying and gave me the bad news.
Until this day, I still can't believe he's gone and I don't

I know if I can accept that they are gone.
In loving memory of Delia A. Rdz & Juan Carlos M.

-Stomper

From The Beat: We are sorry for your losses. It must have been very
hard and sad for you and for your family to loose a child at this age.
You need to find a way to realize that they are gone and in maybe in
a better place than here. Would your life have been a different one if
any or both were alive? What would be different? Whether you like it
or not, they are no longer here, and you need to accept that. Now, you
got a life to live and the ivay you life will be your choice. Hoiv do you
I want to live yours?

Retaliation

How do I feel when I lose a homeboy? l-j

I feel anger rushin' through my veins.

And at the same time, it's sad to lose that homeboy.

My first thought is retaliation, getting back a life for a life,

that's what I've been brought up to know,

not thinking if I end up in death row.

Did that punk have the right to do this, to take my

homeboy's life?

I guess he did, I mean we're all in the same game.

Is this the path that my homeboy chose?

-H'man

From The Beat: Do you have the right to take another life because he
took another life? What does that make you? What's your path? Every
action has a consequence. We are sure that if you were in the shoes of
any of those who are doing life in a cell, you wouldn't think the way you
do. It's esk%y to %«y it, but hard to live it.

pjifff //

Uititlel

One time me my brother and all my friends were
practicing for my cousin's Quinseanera at my pad and we
decided to get drunk. After my brother and my friend went
and stole two bottles. My brother went all crazy trying to
find it and his dumb-ass asked my mom if she took it so
she found out we were drinking. I got mad and started
telling him shhh and cussing him out, because my mom
was all mad at us.

-Angry drunk

From The Beat: When drinking people do things that may not seem
right, but it appears to u% that it was a blessing that your mom found
out. What did she do? Not sure if the drinking has slowed down, but,
look where you sit tonight!

1 i i i 8

i I

The Stranger

I remember when I went to Milpitas and when it was time
to come back I found out that the bus wasn't running
so I had to walk all the way to the great mall and on the
way some one pulled over and gave me a ride, that's my
stranger story.

-Nomac

From The Beat: So, some stranger pulls over and says, "hop on in"? What
made you trust this person?

J I

The D))s Wbei I Dii't Want Ii Go lone \

What's cracking Beat? This is Troubles. I'm going to tell you
a story about when I didn't want to go home. See, there was
this one time when I ran from the James' Boys Ranch back in
January of 2007.

Well, I knew that the Mountain View cops would be looking
for me 'cause they hate me with a passion. So a few weeks passed
and I was in the 'hood almost daily during those weeks.

One day I was with my sister and my homeboy, when I get a
call from my other homeboy saying he had weed. The thing was
that he was in my apartment, so I was like, "well, I've been out
for a minute, they ain't looking for me anymore."

When I get there, this fool had a little ass nug not even a
dime. We start walking out the apartments and we barely get
across the street when an undercover pulls up and starts chasing
me. I ran for a cool minute, but they ended up catching me. I
went to alternative and got failed, so now I'm gonna get out in
August 27th, my birthday. I'm 'bout to be 19 when I get out and
you know it's gonna be popping. Well stay up and stay solid.

-Troubles
From The Beat: When you said, "it's gonna be popping," in your last
sentence, what exactly do you mean? Are you saying that you will
continue ivallcing through your old paths? You know damn iwell iwhere
that will lead you. Do you? Peep this: Life is only one, and when you
loose it, it's over. You can't be running away from your problems. You
create your own problems and you should get rid of the, but not
running aiway from them. They iwill aliways hunt you, if you run aiway
from them.

Confusion about growino up

It's hard growing up, ya know.

Taking the right path, but which is the right? Which is

the wrong?

Peer pressure,

bad neighborhood, and bad thoughts.

Parents try their hardest to do

what they pray and hope will help,

but that is not everything.

You need the support form every one around you.

-Desiree

From The Beat: You are right Desiree, you do need the help of every one
around you. You are old enough to Icnoiv right from ivrong, if it^ against
the law it^ wrong, period. As a parent, that's all we can do is pray and
hope for the best for our children.

/ M^'t talk, to a^tfhodif or see
afftf of mif fa ml I If me miners for
like a whole if ear

What A Turu Aruuud \

Ugh! Every time I mess up I don't want to go home and
face my family, P.O. or the Judge. Yeah it's my fault for
messing up, but it's the hardest thing to do, you know
face the truth, face the consequences.

That's the main reason I never turn myself in, until
this weekend. What a turn around. I messed up on drug
court, I know it took me four days to gain the courage to
turn myself in, but I did it. Yeah I have to accept and deal
with the consequences, but it's all good, it's all working
out for me now.

-Desiree

From The Beat: Running from your problems only makes them ivorse.
Facing your problems will help you deal, solve and better under stand
them. You have just taken the first step in getting the help you need,
put your faith in the Drug Court Team and let them help you. In the end
you lAfill be grateful for the help you received.

This Loss

When I lost my aunt Rose I felt like I was lost in a desert
with nothing of mine, she meant the world to me. Did she
have to go? She was only 28 when she passed away.

I didn't talk to anybody or see any of my family
members for like a whole year.

To this day it hurts to think of her even just to look
at her pictures. RIP Rose, missing my aunt day and night.
Love you lots.

Never give up on your own life!

-Christine

From The Beat: We at the Beat are not sure if your last comment is from
your aunt or from you, but either way it is a correct one. Don't ever give
up on your own life. Learn from your mistakes to better your life.

+ I

I Cau ChanoG

Sitting here locked up
Not knowing what to do

I shouldn't run
Can't believe this is true

Thinking of my daughter

As days passing by

"Where's mommy at?"

She's wondering why

Waiting to go to court

What's the judge gonna say?

Don't want to stay here

Can't spend another day

Tired of doing bad

Want to do what's right

I can change

But I'll have to fight

-Amber

From The Beat: You can change, but first you must want that change,
if you don't want it no matter how much counseling or therapy you
get nothing will help until you want the help. One main thing to think
about is your daughter; it% not just about you anymore.

_■■■■■■»«

SMnnnnnE mswMMMim^ i^ if /

^ntwiumnm/Mi^i/inimF.^^ //// //

Never leave the one ifOM love for
the one ifoi4 like hecai4se the one
ifot4 IlKe might leave if on for the
one the If like,

I I I I I III

I I I I I I

Wondering

Every hour I think and wonder,

hoping that I could go home,

hoping my mom won't shed that tear.

No space for me to be free,

wishing I could just walk out that door.

Looking at the four corners in my room

gots me wondering if I'll be a ghost soon.

gots my eyes closed tight,

thinking about the history of my

childhood life.

-Robert

From The Beat: No, you will not be a 'ghost' soon. You'll get another
chance and when you do, make sure that flesh and blood and those
bones and brain of yours do the right thing. We know you don't want to
return to juvy, no matter how good the food is.

On What I'm Afraid of

I fear the cops. They harass you if they know you are on
probation. They harass me every time they see me and
they give me a hard time.

They always talk shhh to me and put me down. That's
what I'm afraid of.

-Aaron

From The Beat: We're sorry for the frustration and anger that situation
csku%e% you. Many people find themselves in trouble by simply being
"in the wrong place at the wrong time". You can avoid having to deal
with misguided harassment by staying completely clear from that
environment. Given enough time without trouble, this will no longer
be a fearful conflict.

In Wtat I'm Ifriid i!

I fear losing my family because they are always there for
me. If I lose my mom or dad, I will go crazy because I love
my mom with all of my heart. My dad tells me to do good,
but I don't do it. I feel bad about that. When I get out, I'm
going to do good.

-mom and dad's child

From The Beat: You are so fortunate to have a family that loves you and
expects good things from you. Use that regret that you feel for your
past actions to change your future. Your family will be on your side and
proud again when you show them that you have really changed. You
can do it.

Help, Piease...

I need God's help for this one.

Today I got some really bad news from my attorney.
She said that I was being charged with a crime that I
didn't even do.

I'm going to leave it in God's hands. I'm going to pray
to God that they drop the charge so I can go home and be
with my family and friends. Please help me, God.

-Osvaldo

From The Beat: We don't know what kind of help you can count on from
higher sources, but you can help yourself by providing your attorney
with all the information you have - and by understanding your case
inside and out. Good luck.

[ On How I'm Going to Cliange Wlien I Get Out of Here

I'm going to change by having a part time job. I have to
apply somewhere. I'm going to keep showing up at school
everyday and stay after school to do work. I will probably
go to the Evening Center. I will go home early. I'm going
to stop possessing illegal things. I will stop smoking
marijuana and have a clean test. I will check in with my
P.O. weekly.

-Fernando

From The Beat: it sounds like you are on the right track. You knoiv
exactly what you have to do to get your life in order. Good for youl
Now put this plan into action and don't look back.

live As It....

I I

Well, I see people always thinking that they are going
to die; that they are not going to live the next day. So
I always say: live your life like it's your last and always
live your life to the fullest with no regrets. Why regret
something you have already done- just live on with your
life.

Also, don't be thinking you're better than anyone
else- just be yourself. Never leave the one you love for
the one you like because the one you like might leave you
for the one they like.

-Jason

From The Beat: Living each day to the fullest is good advice, however
looking at the regret that we feel for mistakes that we have made can
be useful. Regret can teach u% important lessons so we don't make the
same mistakes again. You can u%e these lessons to move ahead and
reach important goals. Yes, make the most of each day and appreciate
the special people in your life, but don't forget to plan for a long,
healthy life.

//// //

Good News

Los Dias Que No Quiero Ir A Casa \

No quiero ir a mi casa porque todos los dias fumo mariguana
y no quiero que me vea mi jefita. Luego no quiero verla
llorar.

Cuando no voy a casa, me quedo a dormir en las casas
de los homies, pero me siento diferente. No es como estar en
tu casa con tu jefita. Ella es la linica persona en quien confio
todos mis problemas. Por eso, la extrano un chingo. A lo
mejor en esta semana salgo.

From The Beat: £0 %esk que prefiere que tu madre derrame mas lagrimas
que ir a tu casa? Te aseguramos que tu madre prefierieras que llegaras
como llegaras, pero que durmieras en tu casa. Tu no sabes como sufren
al no saber donde estan sus hijos. No %esk% cruel con tu madre por algo
que no te llebara a nada bueno.

The Days I Doo'tWaotToGoHooie

I don't want to go home because I smoke weed every day and
I don't want my mother to see me. I don't want to see her
cry.

When I don't go home, I stay in my friend's house where
I feel different. It's not like being at home with your mother.
She's the only one who I share all my problems with. That's
why I miss her a lot. Maybe I get out this week.

-Cn, Santa Clara
From The Beat: So, you prefer that your mother shed more tears than
going home? We are sure that your mother wishes you to come home
at any state of influence, than not coming at all. You don't know how
much they suffer not to know where their kids are. Don't be cruel with
your mother for something that won't take you to anything good.

Boeoa Notioia

Por primera vez, me paso hoy una buena cosa y fue que hoy
vino alguien a darme una buena notioia. Ademas de eso, me trato
bien. Me alegro mucho.

Tambien he ayudado a personas que no conozco porque
la palabra de Dios dice, "haz el bien, hazlo sin recibir nada a
cambio."

La verdad es que cuando no quiero ir a mi casa, es cuando
tengo problemas. Me voy donde mis amigos a la casa de ellos.

Me han sacado de la escuela por peliar porque no me gusta
dejarme de nadie. No me gusta que me regafien porque soy muy
resentido. Cuando eso pasa, me quedo con ese resentimiento que
me pone triste y muy mal. Aunque uno quiera, no puede hacer
nada. Aunque uno quiera hacer algo, uno se siente sofocado
porque quiere tomar venganza de la persona que lastima a
nuestros amigos y a mi.

From The Beat: Por lo menos, sabes como controlar tus sentimientos
negativos cuando otros no lo pueden hacer. Eso es algo bueno. Lo mejor
que uno puede hacer es buscar la forma como evitar problemas y buscar
la forma como solucionar los conflictos de la mejor y segura manera que
no afecten a otros ni a ti mismo. Tienes la solucion perfecta para idear
con tus emosiones. Siempre usalos. Hey, se te olvido decirnos cual era
essk noticia.

For the first time, a good thing happened to me today, and it was
that someone came to give me one good new. Besides that, he
treated me well, and it made me happy.

I've also helped people I don't know because the Word of God
says, "do what's good, without expecting to receive something
back."

The truth is that when I don't want to go back home is when I
have many problems with my family. I stay at my friend's house.

I've been kicked out of school for fighting because I don't like
anyone to fool me. I also don't like to be yelled at because I am
very resentful. When that happens, I feel a period of resentment
that makes me feel sad. Even If I try to avoid, I can't avoid it. In
those cases, I feel so suffocated that makes me want to take
revenge against the person who hurt friends and I.

-Juan, San Francisco
From The Beat: At least, you have control over your negative feelings
when others don't. That's a good thing. The best thing you can do is to
avoid getting into more trouble and the find the best and safe way to
deal with conflicts that won't affect others or even yourself. You have
the perfect solution to deal with your emotions. Keep like that always.
Hey, you forgot to share with us about your news.

Peosaoiieotos De Los Temas

Cuando Llegue a en Portland, Oregon USA, conoci a
varia gente que se porto bien conmigo.

Cuando yo no tenia nada aqui, yo creo que esas
personas me ayudaron con mi comportamiento. Le daba
mi confianza y pues somos buenos amigos. Yo he ayudado
algunas veces a personas que llegan, de donde yo soy,
dondeles alguna camisa, pan talon, o cualquier cosa.

Hablando de querer ir a mi casa, a mi me gustaria
regresar a casa porque todos ellos se portan bien conmigo.
Si salgo de aqui, si Dios lo quiere, mis problemas se
aliviaran.

Me imagino que perder a alguien es muy doloroso,
especialmente a alguien a quien yo quiero. Gracias a Dios
yo no he perdido a ningiin familiar.

Cuando quiero vengarme aveces de algunas personas
que se han pasado conmigo, lo pienso y me arrepiento
antes de hacer algo, porque la palabra de Dios dice que
hay que perdonar a nuestros enemigos. Si me vengo de
esa persona, despues me arrepiento. Creo que vengarse
no te quita el dolor de perder a alguien.

Una vez perdone a mi primo quien me queria hacer
algo terrible y despues me pidio perdon. Cuando paso eso
me senti muy furioso.

From The Beat: Esperamos que hagas lo posible para volver al lugar
donde perteneces. Haber pensado antes de actuar fue lo mejor que
hubieses hecho La venganza no trae nada mas que mas desgracias
y sangre derramada. Hay que saber perdonar a como a nosotros nos
gustaria que nos perdonen. Se nota que tienes una gran facilidad en
como expresar tus ideas. Tienes ese don, usalo para tu convenciencia.
Gracias por tu tiempo.

Thooghts Aboot The Topics

When I came to Portland, Oregon, I met a lot of people
who treated me well. When I didn't have anything, they
helped me with my behavior. I gave them my trust and we
became good friends. I also help those who come here,
those who are from where I am from, by giving them shirts
and pants, or anything.

Talking going home, I would love to go back home
because there everyone treats me very well. If I get out
from here, if God wants, my problems will disappear.

I imagine that losing someone must be painful,
especially someone I love. I Thank God I haven't lost any
family member.

When I want to take revenge from someone who has
fooled me, I think about it and regret it before doing
something because the word of God states that we have
to forgive our enemies. If I take revenge on that person,
I'll regret it later. I think revenge doesn't take the pain of
losing someone.

One time, I wanted to take revenge on a cousin
who did something horrible to me and he asked me for
forgiveness. When that happened, I felt furious.

-Luis, San Francisco

From The Beat: We hope you do your best in returning where you belong.
Thinking before acting is the best thing you could have done. Revenge
doesn't bring nothing else but more disgrace and more blood spills. You
have to learn to forgive like we would love to be forgiven. It's noticeable
that you have skills in expressing your ideas easily. You have that gift.
Use it for your convenience. Thanks for your time. _

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

The truth is that when I don't want

to go hack home is when ihave manif
prohients with mtf famiiif. i

//// //

El Dia Que Sail de Honduras

X f

Bueno, yo les voy a contar de el dia que sali de Honduras.
Recuerdo que mi mama me decia que me cuidara porque
el camino hacia la USA era muy diflcil.

Yo con lagrimas en mis ojos la abrace y me despedi de
ella. Le dije, "te prometo que te cuidare." Luego tambien
le dije, "pidale a Dios que llegue con bien para poderte
ayudar a ti y a mi papa,quien no puede caminar."

Dios me ayudo y miren lo que vine a hacer, a vender
drogas. Mire donde estoy, encerrado sin salida, pidiendole
a Dios que me ayude para salir de aqui y poder hacer una
vida nueva.

Por eso les digo que trabajen para que no vengan a
este lugar sin salida.

From the Beat: La verdad es que es una gran lastima lo te paso.Nunca
debistes haber hecho un promesa que no ibas a cumplir. Ahora tienes
que aceptar que cometistes un error y tenes que aprender de el. Usa esta
experiencia para darte cuenta de lo que realmente vale la pena peliar en
la vida. £Que aprendistes de todo esto?

The Day I Left Honduras

Well, I'm going to share something about the day I left
Honduras. I remember that my mom would tell me to take
care of myself because the journey to the US was very
hard.

With tears coming out of my eyes, I hugged her and
said good-bye to her. I told her, "I promise that I will take
care of myself." Later, I said to her, "ask God to help me
get there safe, so I can help you and my dad, who can't
walk."

God helped me and look at what I came to do, to sell
drugs. Look at where I am, locked up, asking God to help
me get out and be able to live a new life.

That's why I ask you to work hard, so you won't end
up in places like this one without way out.

-Roberis, San Francisco

From The Beat: It's a shame that things ended up like this. You should
have never promised something if you knew you weren't going to keep.
Now you have to accept that you made a mistake and learn from it. Use
this experience to realize what's worth fighting for in life. What did you
learn from all this?

Los Dias Oue No Ouiero Ir A Casa

Bueno, los dias que no quiero ir a al canton es porque
ando bajo la influencia de las drogas o alcohol.

No quiero ir a casa porque no quiero que me miren mis
familiares y mis hermanos. No es que me reganen,pero
no em gustaria que mis hermanas hicieran lo mismo.

Les quiero pedir perdon por las cosas que hago.

From The Beat: Aunque tu no lo creas, te M^skn o no te M^skn, estan
aprendiendo algo negativo de ti. Al no verte en casa, ellos aprenderan
que esta bien no estar en casa. Si quieres que ellos MSk^skn por el buen
camino, tienes que dar el ejempio del buen camino. Tienes que buscar la
forma como dejar las drogas y el alcohol. Pide ayuda ahorita que puedes
no despues cuando %esk tardes.

The Days I Duo't Want Tu Home

Well, the days I don't want to go home are when I am
under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

I don't like to go home because I don't want my family
and brothers to see me like that. Is not the fact that my
parents would scold me but I wouldn't like my siblings to
do the same things I do.

I want to ask them for forgiveness for the things I do.

-Os, Santa Clara

From The Beat: Believe it or not, whether they see you getting high and
drunk, they are learning something negative from you. Not seeing you
at home, they are learning that is OK not to be home. If you want them
to walk a good road, you need to set a good example. You need to fins
the way to leave drugs and alcohol alone. Ask for help now that you can
and not later when it's too late.

El MuGhachu Del Basurero

Habia una vez un muchacho que vivia en el basurero,
reciclando botes de sodas. Un dia se encontro una bolsa
negra. Esa bolsa negra era un milagro de Dios porque estaba
llena de dinero.

El muchacho fue y la entrego al policia del apartamento.
Haber hecho esto, le ayudo mucho porque lo ayudaron a el
en muchas maneras. Le dieron un apartamento, un chofer,
y una vivienda. El les dio muchas gracias por todo, porque o
sino, quien sabe donde estubiera. A lo mejor estubiera en la
perdicion, usando droga.

Por eso hice lo que hice. Le doy gracias a Dios por todo.
Por eso hay que ser honesto porque asi te va mejor. Eso es
todo lo que tengo que decir.

From The Beat: £Eres tu este muchacho? £Si si, que fue lo que te hizo
tomar e%si decision de devolverlo? Si fuistes el, hicistes bien. No hay
otra cosa que la honestidad. Gracias por tu tiempo.

The Guy From The Garbage Douip

There was a guy who lived in a garbage dump. He lived in
a garbage dump recycling soda's cans. One day, he found a
block bag. That black bag was a God's miracle because it was
full of money.

The guy returned it to the police from the apartment. By
doing this, he was helped in many different ways. They gave
him an apartment, a chauffer, or else who would know what
could have been of his destiny. Maybe he would have ended
in perdition, using drugs.

That's why I did what I had to do. I thank God for
everything. That's why you have to be honest because things
go better to you. That's all I have to say.

-Erivano, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: Are you that guy? If so, what made you make that
decision? If you were him, you did the right thing. There isn't such a
thing than honesty. Thank you for your time.

A Todos Los Que Estan AquI

Hechemosles ganas a todos los que estamos en la carcel.
No renieguen porque estan atrapados al igual que yo.

Lo unico que les digo es que Dios nos ama y El no nos
va a desamparar. Tengamos fe que muy pronto salgamos de
aqui y nunca regresar.

Es muy triste estar encerrado mayormente sin tu familia.
Que Dios nos bendiga y pidanle mucho a mi Dios porque
para El no hay nada imposible.

De tal manera amo a Dios, al mundo que ha dado, a su
hijo Unigento para que todo aquel que en El crea, no se
pierda, sino tenga vida eternal.

"Clama a mi y yo te ensefiare cosas grande y ocultas que
tu no conoces dice" mi Dios.

From The Beat: Que bien que te hayas enfocado en algo bien positivo.
Esperamos que por lo menos mas de algunos lean tu mensaje y cambia
la forma de %u% pensar. Sigue pensando! Te esta ayudando!

To All Who Are Here

Let's keep ourselves active to all who are here. Don't deny
that you are trapped like I am.

The only thing I'm going to say to you is that God loves
you and he will never abandon us. Let's have faith that very
soon we will get out from here and never come back.

It's sad to be locked without your family. God bless us
and ask him anything because nothing is impossible for
him.

From all, I love God, the world he has given us. His son
who was sent, and so we would all believe in him to have
eternal life.

"Climb up to me, and I will show you things that are
hidden that you don't know," says God.

-Anonimo, Marin
From The Beat: It's good to know you are focusing in something positive.
We hope that at least one of many get your message and change the
^tsk^ they think. Keep believing! It's helping you!

^//////// ///////, sjijr .if/M/mmmmwA

z,„.„„jii!iimimiMn

mirmrm^m^rt/ > #///

Your Choices Will Deteroilfle Yoop Future \

They say it takes a village to raise a child

But how can you raise a child if they're out on the

streets, runnin' wild?

It's hard for us to grow up, not doing wrong

'Cause everything we do wrong

We learn from listenin' to a song

But the media can't be blamed for all out negative thoughts

And not only drugs can be blamed for why our minds rot

Growin' up, we had no money in our pockets

Had to make a quick dollah, slangin' dope and poppin' rockets

Gotta keep it moving, puUin' licks or pushin' weight

Starts off good, but in the end, it's not so great

Livin' in the streets, this is only h£df of what we go through

But this is not the life for me, it is not the life I choose

I'ma get my education and I'ma do it big

I'll be livin' that good life, while you strugglin' to live

So you better think twice and make the best decision

'Cause whichever you choose depends of whether you'll be livin'

-Joseph

From The Beat: How right you are, Joseph, about what you choose now.
It's easy to choose the fast over the safe, but the old saying is true, "You
reap what you sew." We also admire the fact that in this tight poem, you
allocate responsibility among yourselves and the system for failing you
for why so many young people end up sk% prisoners (or worse). We agree.
Government has failed to do what is promised in the Constitution, "to
provide for the general welfare." But their failure cannot be used sk% stn
excuse for not talcing responsibility for one's own decisions. That may
not be fair, but that's the way it is. So keep the promises you make here,
and you won't disappoint yourself again.

UvIm'Im the streets, this Is ottlif

half of what we go through

But this Is not the life for me, It

Is not the life I choose

100 Years

It's shady in this juvenile hall shhh. We stay gettin' played
in here. I can't wait until the day that they let me out. I
know I gotta do better in life when I get out. I also have
to do better by my family. I haven't really been showin'
my moms the respect she deserves. She die queen in my
life and she come first before anybody. Family is the best
thing to have when you're down and out.

When I get out I'ma show my mom how much I really
care. I'ma get a job and see what's up with college. I'm not
trying to be another statistic in the 'hood. I'm also not
trying to have my mom crying over my body at an early
age. Just by saying that, I start thinking about my bra
CJ, RIP. I know his moms goin' through it right now. I'm
hot, because I couldn't go to the funeral, but. Bra know I
would have been there if I could. I stay shootin' dice with
bra, and we used to stay slap boxin', but we goin' ride for
bra, and keep the money comin' in.

-Mookie

From The Beat: We admire everything you say in this piece... until the
very end. When you %«y you're going to ride for your dead homie, it's
another way of putting something ahead of the love you have for your
mother. Sometimes, you can't have it both ways, Mookie. Just don't stop
thinking about what you oive the woman who brought you into this
world and who stands by you through it all. When you put other things
in front of that, whether it's revenge for CJ or chasing after money,
you're risking everything. And all the words of love in the world can't
undo what it means not to be there for your mom. Finish school; go to
college. And don't risk being taken from your mom again!

Time Waits Fur Nu Man

Power owns all

and respect is what we earn from the streets.

Or to what you deserve.

You look around and think of what you've done

And when you're willing to do all.

Then it seems you have the power of everything.

But with the pistol in your pocket.

People say, "Drop it,"

But you can only drop it once you feel the power when

you pop it.

Hesitation isn't a problem — the streets got you

convinced.

But don't get fooled by the tricks...

they could catch you in one

One day you will notice what you've done

There's only time to watch your fame fade to the 'hood

to the drugs

Everything you had is now gone

Slangin', bangin', shhh ain't easy

You now stuck in the pen.

Trying to have God forgive your sin.

But you only had control of yourself

When you decided to take a life of another.

Be ready to remember the pain...

Ain't easy an' there's no med to cure.

Fear is no longer there.
You only got yourself through time.
There's no one to prove yourself to.

-Raquel

From The Beat: You've left us with some powerful images in this reverie
about consequences. The one that will stick with u% — and we hope with
everyone who reads what you've written — is the line: "You only got
yourself through time." We're trying to imagine what that would be like,
and it makes u% shudder to think about it. To be alone with ourselves
for all time. We hope this chilling but accurate description reaches those
who are moving toward that end without giving it a second thoughtl

(rief

rj
\

Some things you can't believe.

Some grief will make you scream.

Make others cry if you caused it.

Only you know why

You can relieve someone of grief by doing simple things

It can change the whole scene

Life's full of emotions. Grief is one that could be strong,

But it could be overcome.

It could be temporary or long.

Depending on how strong your heart and mind is

Grief made me shed tears

And announce my fears to others —

My mother and brothers.

Grief could be felt amongst lovers

Anybody

You could stop it; you could start it

It's up to you

What part of it do you want?

Everybody, just be strong.

Twin... I'm gone.

-Twin Two

From The Beat: We really like this poem, and especially that you were
able to put it together in your mind and then on paper in the space of
one workshop. We would love to read a longer explanation of how grief
caused you to sknnounce your fears to your family, always difficult to
do, and always a sign of maturity and responsibility. What can you tell
us about that?

^//////// ///////, sjijr .if/M/mmmmwA

z,„.„„jii!iimimiMn

mirmrm^m^rt/ > #///

Dear My Family

I would like to start this piece by saying that family is the
most precious thing in my life. I love my family with all my
heart. Even though I have messed up some of my relationships
with my family members, I plan on wasting no more time. I
don't regret what I've done, only because it has taught me to
be a better person and a better part of my family.

I have always loved my family, I just never knew how to
express my feelings because of the rough times I had growing
up, having only moms to raise me. But now, all my intentions
are good. I love my lil' sister and mom with all my heart.
They're my queens, and only pray to God that everything
turns out well.

-Cesar

From The Beat: We admire this piece so much, Cesar, because it taices
strength and humility to taice responsibility for how you've messed up
some of the past family relationships. But we want to emphasize the
word "past" because your future is what really counts, and it is very clear
that you already understand this. Having only good intentions is the
necessary beginning. After that, comes the hard work of relationship
building, and determination not to go back to old ways that didn't work
in the past. We know you're up to it, so now go out and do it!

My Life

I was born in the US, raised up in Mexico. I came back at
the time when I was six years young. I started going to Fair
Oaks School in the middle of second grade. It was hard for
me because I didn't know the language, English. I also didn't
know anybody at the school. I felt alone, 'cause I didn't
have no one to talk to or someone that could talk to me at
school.

Then one day I asked my mom, "Why did we come to the
U.S.? I don't like it here. I want to go back to Mexico where all
my family is." Then my mom answered, "The reason why we
came here to the U.S. is because I want you to have a better
life."

So time passed fast and I learned how to speak English. So
now that I learned the language English, I had lots of friends
that I could never imagine I was doing good in school, getting
high grades — until one day I decided to smoke a blunt with
my homeboys. That's when my whole life changed, because
instead of getting good grades, I went with my homeboys and
got really high by smoking weed. That's when I got caught up
in drugs, and I also started to gangbang.

Now look at me. I am locked up, but it's nothing, because
I know I'ma get out. I got one thing in mind and that's that
I'm not gonna get locked up again. That's for sure. Why?
Well, I'ma tell you why. I'm not gonna get locked up because
this is my first and last time that I ever get locked up. When
I had court, the judge said, "You violated your probation, and
for that you are going to get locked up."

So they locked me up, but that's not why. Now I'ma tell
you the real thing, why I am not going to get locked up ever
again. That is because my mom came and visited me, and
when I got to the table, she got up and hugged me and started
to cry because she didn't want to see me in here. I felt really
bad when I saw her crying, so I told my mother, "You know
what. Mom? You're going to see a different son of yours."
That made her feel better and she stopped crying. So that's
why I'm never gonna end up in here, because I don't want to
see my mom in pain, like how I saw her that day.

-Osvaldo

From The Beat: First, we want to tell you what stn accomplishment it
is that you have mastered English, always a difficult language, even
for those who spoke it at home. The fact that you have learned this
second language so well, and can express yourself in ways that should
make most Americans (who can only speak one language) envious
of your skills. That already tells u% that you have a fine brain that is
working for you. But then, when we got to the end of this declaration
of independence from a life of pain and incarceration, we also could see
wfhat a big and loving heart you have. Never forget the powerful love
and warmth your mother's hug represents, and all that you owe her
for what she's given you, so that you keep your promise to give back
to her the son she wants to see grow into a responsible man. We see it
happening. Keep it going.

My Baby Sister's Eyes

I'm hurtin' inside

As I'm writing this, tears are coming out my eyes

It's hard for me to say this, but my mom was right

I took advantage of my life

Thinking every day is guaranteed

But what hurts the most is 'cause this all dawned on me

It hurts to know that you can't see your family for a whole year

And to live with regret

I put the homies over my family

And at the end the only ones who stayed with me was my family

My stupidity led me in here

Now I'm going to outta-state placement for a year

It's hard to see my mom cry

To say good-bye

I've held so much anger and frustrations inside

I keep thinking to myself: "Everything's gonna be all right"

I've smiled now and cried later way too many times

I don't care if anyone sees me cry

I don't want mota

I don't want rocks

I don't want coke

Nor do I want alcohol

All I want is to look in my baby sister's eyes

To hug my mom and tell her how much I'm sorry

To see my other two lil' sisters, see them smile

I don't want my old ways back

I want my family

My mom used to say that at the end all you have is your family

But to me, at one point, the homies were my family

No matter what I do

My mom's always there

No matter what I put her through

She's always waiting for me in open arms

Every visit I get she tells me she loves me

Why did I run?

It wasn't even worth all of this

I'd rather be home right now watchin' TV with my lil' sis

But I did the crime so I'm gonna do the time

But I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Mom

And I love you

-B Eyes
From The Beat: Regret and remorse and only useful emotions sk%
guideposts to a different and better future. We all make mistakes,
but we don't all learn from them. You are fortunate because you have
learned from yours some extremely valuable lessons. Yes, there are
consequences for what you've done in the past. But don't let those
consequences beat you down. Keep the promises you make in this very
strong declaration of independence. Here you stand, no longer a little
girl lured into the life by the promises and visions of children. Here you
stand, a responsible young woman. Good for youl

ou I

J L

Climbing Up

It hurts to hear that I am a failure.

All the work I've done in the last year

The G.I.R.L.S. program wasn't for me

I didn't get to finish it while being free

My PO thinks I have a bad attitude

She thinks I didn't show enough gratitude

Nothing I did was good enough

But the threats of getting locked up were not a bluff

I wish I could have been a success story

But soon enough, you will see me in my glory

I'm getting off probation in a few weeks

Ready to continue my life up toward the peaks

I'll come back to the judge some day to show her

That I'm not just a failure

Although it's easy for me to say it

I hope one day I can believe it

-Gina
From The Beat: Remember those peaks to which you aspire/ Can never
be reached, you can always reach higher/ The story of your life is yet
to be written/ Don't judge it a failure from where you are sittin'/ Pull
yourself up, one step at a time/ The peaks that you'll conquer count less
than the climb!

^//////// ///////, sjijr .if/M/mmmmwA

z,„.,„^ip^n^mnin

WMFmam^mi/ r / n/ e s

The Truth Ahout Love

In my cell all alone

Singing love songs

Wondering who's the next man in my life

Wondering will he last

I used to do anything for my men

'Cause they promised me love

But love became just sex at the end

And left me feeling dumb

There's always another man out there

Who will try and spit his game

Tell you how pretty you are

And how he thinks about you throughout this day

He pushes every compliment in your heart

And makes you feel like a queen

But then you really find out what's up with him

How do you know when your man really cares about you?

He will give up and risk everything he has for you

He will be the one to wipe those tears from your eyes

He will be the one to tell you what's wrong or right

He will look in your eyes

And not just look at your thighs

He will learn the true beauty of your insides and never regret to be in your life

This is what love is

Will I find it one day?

But for now I'ma wait for love

Until it finds me

And, hopefully, the next man that comes along

Will love me

For me

-B Eyes
From The Beat: You were a child in love with children, and with the
notion of being in love. Boys are taught, too often, that girls are worth
less than them, that they aren't to be respected sk% they demand to
be respected (and, ironically, sk% they demand that their mothers be
respected). So, in the end, it is you who must love yourself, and love
means to respect all of you, what^ inside sk% well sk% what^ outside.
When you demand respect, you will get it. Looking for love is a very old
story, and seldom ends well. So we are behind you all the way when you
say you're going to wait for love to find you. it will. Be patient.

My Last Words Before I Go To Wyoming

I wanna look in your eyes all night

But we both know that that can't happen tonight

I wanna listen to all your stories

But I'm sorry I can't, 'cause I'm locked up

I wanna hold you and feel your chest on mine

Feel both our heartbeats become as one

I wanna be there for you when you need me

I wanna be the one to help pick you up from your knees

I want you to know that I won't ever judge you

I want you to know that when everyone leaves

I'll still be there

I wanna go to sleep then wake up to your beautiful smile

I wanna be with you 'cause my love for you goes on for miles

I wanna be with you 'cause one look gots my body going wild

I wanna be with you, Mijo, and I'm not lyin'

I'm taking chances for you

So please say I do

I promise, Mijo, I'm all you want in a girl

And I'm ready to show you all my love for you

-B Eyes
From The Beat: You're torn between the emerging woman who recognizes
that feelings of love can be like dope, blurring the line between reality
and fantasy, and the child you were looking and wanting love to be
like a fairytale. You are not "all" your mijo might want in a girl, because
nobody is "all" anything for another person. We know that euphoric
feeling you're trying to preserve through feelings of love, but guard
your heart against inevitable disappointment when reality intrudes on
fantasy. Human relationships are not movies. They skte often difficult.
Love yourself, and allow yourself to grow before declaring your undying
love. And good luck in Wyoming.

I Miss Yaww

I am sorry, mom and dad, for everything I made you go through — all the pain
and tears and struggle. I never wanted to make you cry, but I did anyways, and
regret that because, mom and dad, I love you to death.

But, mom and dad I'm going to continue doing what I do. I know it hurts
you, but that's the way I was raised to be. I know it hurts you coming here to
see me locked up behind these walls. It's my fault and nobody else's, but I have
to say one more thing — I miss yaww.

-Lil' Pako
From The Beat: You're going to have to do more to explain to u% the
paradox in this piece. You claim to love your mom and dad, but then you
promise to continue doing the things that you know hurt them. Hoiw
can that be love? You also say you were raised to be like that, but then,
who raised you? If your parents raised you, did they raise you to hurt
them? Those are the paradoxes we cannot understand. Please explain.

■^

Siiiig "Ni"

It's hard saying no, but sometime you got to say no because you might end up
at the wrong place at the wrong place at the wrong time. Like I told my homies,
one day, "No," about something they wanted to do. And now one of them in jail
for murder and the other one in jail, lookin' at ten years for something they
could've thought about and did something else.

But even though they did what they did, I still love them and they always
go' be my homies, no matter what they did. But I had the balls to say, "No," and
they respect me for that. If a person can't say no if you don't want to go, then
you ain't no real man. You can do what you want to do. You don't have to do
something with your friends.

-Tb
From The Beat: You're right, TB, it takes some cajones to be able to
stand up to friends and not go along with what they want you to. it is
a sign of responsibility and maturity. As far sk% loving your homies even
though they went down for something they could have avoided but
didn't, we think that maices you stn honorable person. As many people
who call themselves Christians like to %xy, "\ can love the sinner, but
hate the sin."

I I

(rief

>le .
»ut I

I have grieved over someone I lost. When you first find out you are shocked,
but when you realize it's fo' real, you get a weird feeling in your body. I lost a
close friend, and to me, it was a physical pain through my body. I would never
get over the loss, but I'm always going to know that he is in a better place. My
advice is to everyone who lost someone is that he is always watching over you
every second.

-Tito
From The Beat: We think this is a good strategy for dealing with the
pain of loss. We're sorry about your close friend.

To Willow

This is to someone who I cared about a lot. Me and him were like best friends
and now that he's gone, it's so hard for me, 'cause he was my everything. He
was there when I didn't care about life no more. He was there singing to me
love songs. He was there when I just broke up with my vato. After that he was
holding me in his muscular arms all night.

I was there to help him escape from the cops when he had a warrant out for
him. I was the one backing him up in fights. He became my best friend. He knew
my ins and outs and I knew his. And now that he's in jail, my life is triste.

I want him back to tell him what's been going on. I want to hold him tight
all night and never to let go. We both had a warrant out for us and now that we're
apart, life's going too slow. I just hope that in five years, when he gets out, he
still knows how much I missed him.

-B Eyes
From The Beat: The theme of love is like a poiverful river that runs
through almost everything you write. This tells u% what a big and caring
heart you have. We already know, from your writing skills, that you
have a big and working head. Those dual qualities — head and heart —
are gifts that not everyone is so blessed with. Use them to build a better
future so that, instead of helping someone you care about escape from
the cops or backing him up in fights, you can help him and yourself stay
out of situations which can lead to running from cops or engaging in
beef. Use your skills to think about your past sk% a way to light a path
to a new tomorrow.

You Wiii Eveotually Do What Your Peopie Do

When my friends did hard drugs, such as crystal meth or heroin, I would
always refuse an offer that they always made. Eventually I tried it and I liked it,
but the lesson learned to me is the more you hang around a person who does
something you don't like, you will eventually do it, too.

But I have a strong overall view on it now. I will never pick up my next hit
because I know what to expect now, and it just doesn't feel right to me.

From The Beat: We're sorry you caved in to peer pressure, but we're glad
that you've %een where that kind of weakness can lead, it takes inner
strength to say no, but in the end, that strength will prepare you for
future of freedom. Don't forget!

You Know Yoo Care

.er I

J
\

It hurts so much here sitting in my room, thinking what I put you through. I
know I done so many things, like hurt you, cheat on you, but it doesn't mean
you don't have to write me back. After two years of being together and showing
you that I love you, you sit in your room acting like you don't care. But the truth,
you know you do, so there is no point of acting like we never had nothing.

-Sapo
From The Beat: What can we say, Sapo? You admit to cheating on her.
You admit to hurting her. And it's clear that when you gave the system
power to take you away, you weren't really thinking of her. So, what
does she owe you? What is the appropriate response? Some consequences
can't be undone.

^//////// ///////, sjijr .if/M/mmmmwA

z,„.,„^ip^n^mnin

WMFmam^mi/ r / n/ e s

Two Step

What's good, everybody? Me? Nothin', just chillin', tryin' to get out in six
months by bein' a 2-step my whole stay. If I slip one time, doin' one whole year.
Things that I do to stay out of trouble is keep my mouth shut, go alone with the
program, and do my time, nobody else's.

-Italiano
From The Beat: All good strategies, young italiano. Now, can you
exercise the same amount of self-control when you get out of here so
that you never have to come back?

It's Time For Me To Be Who I Really Am

I wanna be in the outs

Can't wait to be in my house

I have court Monday

I'm praying to be out

It's hard to think positive

But that's my only hope

Dear God,

I can't go to camp. I need to go home. I could do good, and I know it's hard,
but I'ma do my best. Everybody wants me to do good, and I understand, because
this place ain't for me or for anybody in here. But we all make mistakes and it's
time we should take responsibility for our actions. It's hard to learn from my
mistakes, because in the end I end up doing the same. But it's time. It's time for
me to stop being the same. It's time to be who I really am, and that's me!

-Care Bear
From The Beat: We always think of prayer sk% a two-way street. God
hears your prayers, but answers them with prayers of his own to you.
Do you hear His prayers? Can you answer them? You know what He
wants from you, and you know He's waiting to see if you can deliver.
Can you? Start with a plan for your future, not just a hope. You need
more than words, even true words like "it's time to take responsibility."
You need to write down a brief list of things you're going to do, like: 1)
go to school every day; 2) stay home at night and do my homework; 3)
listen to what my mother tells me, and don't fight with her; 4) don't risk
my freedom by doing the things that have led to lock-up in the past.
If you follow those simple steps, you'll be walking away from here and
not coming back.

My Homie

Always Somethiog To Do io The 'Hood ^

The only thing that I miss about being on the outs is kicking it in the 'hood
with the homeboys and drinking. I don't really care about anyone or anything
else, 'cause my homeboys are the only ones that I can really depend on to have
my back and stop me from getting caught when I'm doing whatever I do.

Every time I go to the 'hood, there's always something to do that can make
me feel good. I love my 'hood and my homeboys, no matter what happens,
'cause I am who I am and I do what I do.

-Lil' Enemy
From The Beat: Yeah, you are who you are and you do what you do —
lAfhich, at the moment, is taking orders from strangers telling you when
to get up, when and what to eat, when to talk and when to be silent,
what to wear, etc. If that's what you mean by doing what you do, then
prepare for a whole lot more of it, only the next stop won't be nearly sk%
nice sk% where you are right now. If you're depending on homies to "stop
you from getting caught," then you're depending on people that have
already failed you. Or, are we missing something?

I was chilling in the field in Fair Oaks School. It was around 9:00 pm. A bunch
of people were sittin' down in the middle of the apartments, so I went inside
my home and suddenly I saw a stranger running down the alley with bottles of
Coronas in his hands. He was running away from gangstas. So the one of the
gangsters told his friend to go get the heat. So he went and got the heat from
the spot and ran after the victim and shot once. Luckily, the victim moved to
the side and the shot missed him and hit the door of the car. So the cops came,
eventually, like around 6:00 pm.

The next day the gangster who pulled the trigger got caught and he snitched
on his own "homie." The gangster that pulled the trigger not only said names,
he also said that the scene where this happened was a gang territory. So now
you got gang task force passing through a young neighborhood every Monday,
Wednesday, Friday after 6:00 pm. Now, after this incident, a lot of people from
that area getting locked up! That includes me. So now I have to do time in the
hall and at home. Thanks to "my homie."

-Lil' Stewie
From The Beat: Oh no, Stewie. You aren't doing time because of your
"homie." You're doing time because you gave the cops some reason
to pull you out of your neighborhood. You can't blame what you are
responsible for on someone else, not even a snitch. Be prepared for
snitches all up and down the system, from the littlest crime all the
way up to murder. (Death row is filled with people who were snitched
on by the real triggerman.) The only way to escape the system is not
to do whatever it is that gives the system power over your life. And
what kind of madness is it to shoot someone stealing beer? Fools or
children... which is it? How much worse the consequences for everyone
if any of those bullets had found their mark!

Ml) 27, 2101

My best day is going to be on May 27, '08. That's the day I get released. All day,
all I'm gonna do is chill. I'm going to open my eyes to people who are trying to
help me. I'm going to go to school.

-Luis
From The Beat: This is a little too short to explain very much, Luis, but
the few things you've told us are important. School is the key to the
cage they've put you in, and accepting help is a sign of strength, not
of weakness!

To My Baby Sister

You mean the world to me

I love you so much

And it hurts me to think that you're gone

I know it hurts that your big sis is gone

But one more year, Mija, and I'll be back home

I want you to be strong

And to always know that I love you

It's hard, 'cause I don't know when's the next time I'ma see you

You're getting so big now

It makes me cry

'Cause I'm missing so much in your life

I've made so many bad mistakes

But please, don't make them, too

Don't listen to the people who you know is a bad influence on you

I cry when mom says you want me home

And I cry when I hear you're doing wrong

I've promised you so many times that I'ma do good

But I always end up kickin' it

Which gets me screwed

I've turned myself in 'cause of you

Mom told me that you were crying every day for me

When I was gone

I'm sorry, lil' one

For not being home

The only tears that come out

These ocean blue eyes

Is the ones I shed for you

'Cause you're my everything

You are my life

And I love you so much

And please do good

This is for my six-year-old sister

Baby Blue Eyes

-B Byes
From The Beat: This is one of the hardest lessons of all — to recognize
how our actions affect those who see us si% their models, who look up to
us. Children learn by what they see, not by what you tell them. So, you
are right to feel sorry for the pain you've caused your little sister, even
though you are suffering great pain yourself. The moral is simple (to
state, not to do), which is this: If there are things you don't want your
little sister to do, then don't do them yourself! If there are things you do
that would make you ashamed if your little sister learned of them, then
stop doing them! We know you agree with these morals, and when you
come home, you can't put your knowledge into practice.

Thiflklfl' Dot Load!

Sittin' in this class thinkin' 'bout my mom

Tryna figure out why the law is so wrong

Got me in here 'cause violation of program

They say because I ran, but, really, it was vacation

Got a week more to go

Then I'll be terminated off probation

-Booby/Tati
From The Beat: Well, you've paid a price for that little vacation. If that
was a price you were willing to pay, then you got what you wanted. Now
comes the hard part, though. Don't give the system any more reasons to
take away what god gave you — your freedom!

Trost

Somethin' I lost is trust. I wish I could have someone to trust, but I have no
one. I think everyone who has somethin' to say to me is a lie. I don't know why
I have no trust for no one. I feel like everyone is out to get me.

If someone does somethin' nice for me, in my mind it's so that they can
play me. Paranoid is how I always seem to be, always ready for that person or
thing out to get me. Having no trust ain't cool, making myself feel alone day-
by-day, because I have no trust for no one. But got none but love for my loved
ones.

-Creeper
From The Beat: Where do you think your paranoia came from? Have you
been betrayed by people or family? If you know that this feeling leaves
you feeling alone, is there any way you can try to overcome it? You can't
go through life entirely alone, depending on no one, so how can you
find people who are trustworthy? Or, to put it another way, can people
trust you? If so, why do you think you're different from others? If not,
maybe that% why you don't trust others.

^//////// ///////, sjijr .if/M/mmmmwA

z,„.,„^ip^n^mnin

WMFmam^mi/ r / n/ e s

When I Look At Yoo

When I look at you I feel good

'Cause I know that you're my boo

A smile so big

A twinkle in my eyes

Knowing that if we last

You're always gonna be my guy

Since you asked me out

My eyes go to you

I don't look at nobody besides you

'Cause I'm happy to be yours

You're taking risks to save this relationship

And so am I

But when I come back to Cali

Our relationship is gonna be stronger

And I'm hoping that no matter what

You're still gonna be in my life

But before I leave Cali

I'm gonna tell you

That I'm happy that you're gonna stick with me

And when I come back

Trust me, it's all gonna be worth it, Mijo

-B Eyes
From The Beat: Love relationships are strange things. At the time they
are blooming, it's impossible to think that they will ever end. Forever
seems too short. But then, sk% things develop, you begin to see how hard
they are to maintain, how much work and compromise is required, and
sometimes they develop and sometimes they don't. All we're saying is
that you have a long life a head of you and, while we hope this is the
love of your life, if it turns out otherwise, well... we've all been there.

Ei-Hiiies

You tell them something and they tell other people after you told them not to
say anything, so those kinds of people you have to try to avoid. Don't talk to
them or look at them because they're fake, like pops. They try to set you up
with other people for you can fight homies.

Homies are the ones that get you out of funk, not the ones that get you
into funk. But family will always come through for you, no matter what, so be
careful who you kick it with or who you trust.

-Kool Aid
From The Beat: Good advice. The problem is, of course, sometimes you
don't know the person you're kicking it with is untrustworthy until it's
too late...

There's No Way It Used To Be

Once I fell in love with someone and he fell in love, too. But my love for him
became too much, 'cause I've never felt like this before. I went on the run and
said that I would never go back home and tried to forget about him. But every
time I would kiss my new vato, for some reason I saw my first love. I drank and
smoked to help heal my broken heart, but every time I was drunk or high, I
would decide to call him. His love for me was way too strong, so he couldn't talk
to me, 'cause he knew that it was over between us, but we both inside wanted
life the way it used to be.

I find every reason to get away from him, 'cause he still tells me he loves
me. I'm more mature now than back then, but it's strong, 'cause I don't love
him. I'm willing to love another time and not run or hide, but not love him,
love another guy. I look at my first love like a brother now and nothing more,
but I know that my Romeo is out there somewhere, or maybe my first love
was him. All I know is that I'm sorry for all the wrong I did. You will always be
remembered, and I'm sorry about your loss.

-B Eyes
From The Beat: This only underscores our response to your other
declaration of undying love. Things change, and you should feel no
remorse about that. Yes, you are more mature than you were then,
and you will be even more mature is you gain more experiences in the
world.

Cili Mentilit)

When I came here, I thought it was gonna be hard to control myself, but I seen
a lot of the homies in my unit. Then I tried to find every way to see how to be
calm in my cell by reading or writing, talking to your roommate, school, and
program. Don't mess up and get an hour.

I tried not to remember how it used to be when I was home or with my
mom, but I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and family and homies.

Try to stay out of jail. Think before you act. I wanted to fight people here,
but I was thinking about the hours that I would get. Late.

-Kool Aid
From The Beat: The lessons you've learned in here about self-control can
also be applied when you're on the outs. It's understandable that you
might want to go off on people in here sometimes, and it's admirable
that you're able to think about the consequences and prevent yourself
from acting. Self-control is like a habit; the more you exercise it, the
easier it is to do.

PsalDi 23 For Me

The Lord is my shepherd:

Safety

I shall not want:

Supply

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

Peace

He leadeth me beside the still waters:

Harmony

He restoreth my soul:

Healing

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness:

Guidance

For His name's sake:

Purpose

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death:

Darkness

I will fear no evil:

Confidence

For Thou art with me:

Protection

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me:

Instruction

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Provision

Thou anointest my head with oil:

Consecration

My cup runneth over:

Abundance

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

Loving care

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever:

Eternal home

-Antoine
From The Beat: What a beautifully crafted explanation for the
enveloping and warming words of the 23rd Psalm.

Grief

I wanna start off by saying that while I've been here I've seen nothing but grief
and beef between young men and staff here in the hall. Grief is all over. It's a
everyday thing. It's all over. I deal with it on a regular basis. I even have grief
with my family.

It's hard to deal with, but I rather deal with family grief than to deal with
everybody else's grief. I rather keep it cool and get back to my family to work on
some of the grief that we have. I even worked on that while I'm here, but there's
always something new. We just gotta keep praying and keep it moving with life.
Period.

-Cesar
From The Beat: Even though you end this heart-felt piece with the
word, "Period," it's really not the end, is it Cesar? Praying and keeping it
moving with life is a process that has no period, no end. Keep working
on the pain that grief cmA%e%. T^y to stay out of the daily grief that you
see here because, in the end, it is the strength of your family ties that
will keep you strong, and moving forward.

To SoDieooe Special lo My Life

I'm missin' you so much

lat I

A tear down my cheek

Your last words were to me

"Do good, Mija, make me proud"

Now look at me screwing around

I stopped banging and claiming for you

But it's hurtin', 'cause at one point in my life

All I had was you

I miss you so much

Sometimes you're in my dreams

Just you and me

I'm sorry, but it's hard for me

It's like I lost you just yesterday

'Cause every day I feel the pain

I'm triste

Remember that song we used to sing

When we are drunk

Well, that's the song that's always in my head

"Remember when I die, girl, don't you cry

Just dry your eyes

I never meant for me to say good-bye

But remember when I die"

That was the song that you sang to me once

And, even though you're dead

You're always in my head

Well, much love and respect, Chino

Alrato

-B Eyes
From The Beat: What a sad but loving tribute to yet another victim of a
meaningless war! We're sorry for your loss, and all the losses that pile
up in these pages. Now your responsibility is to live long and free so
that you can keep alive Chino's memory... and avoid his fate.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^T^^WT^mmMsmffm a r 'f//'JJJJ_

'SH^wn L,^' Munr D^wxs ^/p.'

Pain From A Poet

The pain in pleasure for a poet is unknown to someone
who not knows but, poetry, makes nothing happen 'cause
it survives by it's own sayings. Life has no meaning for
poetry 'cause you have to hear with your eyes, hearing
has no meaning 'cause you see with your eyes, hearing
has no meaning 'cause you see with your ears. Love?
Love doesn't look for a reason, love is beyond reason...
first sight, anonymous, passion, soul mate... the wall...
from a broke heart... synchronizing... nearing the end
of life, without a human friend... what must it be like?
Visible silhouette's, also blurry but lingering as it
vanishes. Something quite different, emptiness, from
another perspective but, also from a stranger's feelings,
leaving a trail of tears... this ecstasy of love; no fear in
love, but to secure your love, whose violent property fore
doe's itself, is the undertaking of. . . pain from a poet

Ideal Relationships with God, Self, and Others \

The scriptures, either by specific statement or by
implication, presents us with certain ideals concerning
our relationships with God, self, and others. Victimization
disrupts these relationships.

The ideal relationships with God means that a person is a
new and growing creature, united with the Lord, one with
him and living as close to the father as Jesus did.

The ideal relationship with oneself involves loving
yourself as God does, accepting and forgiving oneself.
Each person is to see him or herself as a fuU-fiedged child
of God; who can hold her or his head high as a prince
or princess. Such a person is free to accept and forgive
those who have hurt him or her.

The ideal relationship with others involves loving
them as God loves them and as one (Ideally) loves oneself.
We are to follow Jesus' example and serve others, relating
to them as members of the same family, the same body
with Christ as the head.

Our Surrender To God

Faith is always a surrender. Faith is the eye that sees the
invisible. When I look at something, I surrender myself
to the impression that it makes upon me. Faith is the ear
that hearkens to the voice of God.

When I believe a message I surrender myself to the
infiuence, whether cheering or saddening, that the words
exercise on me. When I believe in Jesus, I surrender
myself to him, in refiection, in desire, in expectation, in
order that he may be in me and do n me that for which he
has been given to me by God.

It's The Porest Love

To catch laughter, bond; is friendship.
Even when there are clouds in your sky and rain...
we'll get soaked together.
A special one remains unchanged, by time, or distance.

It's the purest love... unconditional and true,

it's the understanding of any situation, forgiving, of any

mistake.

To create a support that is constant, while everything

else changes.

It's a friendship of mutual genuine liking.

To possess love is a treasure that makes life more

valuable.

Shawn La' Mont Davis Jr. aica Contrite is writing u% from a the CDC
in S^n Bernardino, CA. Shawn is not a new writer, but we haven't
heard from him in a while. We're glad that you've reached out to us
again Shawn. Keep in touch and the thoughtful pieces coming our
way!

"We're"

Dismissed with prejudice?
All of us (criminal per. Say) are the future,
but we bring ignominy to ourselves!
But, we try to be discrete, freestanding,

depriving our own youthfulness.

Discrimination? We do it to ourselves

when we discount the importance of being... living...

changing... why?

Every time we put ourselves in a jam,

we say, basis, individual martinet.

It's us... We lock up the future... dreams...

Talents and gifted, not the judge, DA, police, witness, or

lawyer...

us, you and me,

'cause once we commit wrong... all of thee above... is

gone...

it's a waste.

We have to live life with realism

'cause if we keep being impractical or visionary. . . we

won't make it.

Well, Tha^k ^om for the pnh-
llsked worl^, and froifinow oh I'll
seHdnilHes (poems) to hopeft^llif
encourage o^r readers a fid writ-
ers IH evertf aspect

Hey!

Thanks for having a young brother, and blessing me to
be able to see my verses (poems) in The Beat. Sorry that I
haven't been able to enlighten our readers for a while, but
never the less, I'm here. Things have turned around since
my last report to you all, it is truly a blessing. I'm just
about ready to go home, but I'mgonna keep that under my
hat until I'm free and I'll share -promise-
Well. Thank you for the published work, and from
now on I'll send mines (poems) to hopefully encourage our
readers and writers in every aspect. So I'll just send you a
whole lot, so expect more. Oh yeah, I would appreciate a
weekly magazine. PLEASE!
Sincerely. . .

Moltiforo)

The image of ones self,

which I try to create in his own mind,

in order that I may love thyself

is very different from the image which he tries to create

in the minds of others

in order that you love me.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^^^■HI^JHOKIK/ /i#///^V

'HffUTHf^ ^nnxM'

A Week In The Life of Arizona

Early morning brings with it the constant rumbling sound
of feet headed towards the chow hall to eat before being
sent out on one of the gun-gangs to perform menial labor.
The gun-gang consist of hundreds of prisoners dressed in
carrot-colored jumpsuits, transported all over the state to
perform labor for the state, counties, etc. Such task as road
cleanup, digging ditches, state and federal forestry work.
My dreams, not unlike my waking moments are shattered
with the paralyzing-realization that I am being held hostage
against my will under threat of death by parasitic, people-
keepers, the lowest of the lowest of humanity.

My motivation to get up out of bed timely this morning
depends upon whether or not a mindless guard is working
the dorm who will enforce the idiotic rules that beds are
suppose to be made by 8 am. My every action is calculated,
premised on whether or not a prison guard is both qualified
and willing to make me comply with the rules or policies. It
is called passive resistance, utilizing the Law of Attribution,
no different than a POW. Is honored bound to employ when
captured and held captive by enemy forces.

To exist, I must resist at every opportunity. As it was
said many-many years ago, if a man isn't free and he isn't
fighting for his freedom, he does not deserve to live. Hearing
the jungles of keys and their loud walkie-talkies, I force
myself to get up and grudgingly begin to make my bed,
cursing my fascist captors, their parents, their children,
their dogs and their Gods. I literally have to force myself to
get up and begin to comply with their childish rules to avoid
having to hear these welfare-bums knocking on my door,
ordering me to make my bed. Just the sound of their voice
is nauseously sickening, causing me grievous pain; making
me livid with renewed hatred and contempt for these sub
humanoids leaches, who are slavers, living off oppression
and misery.

Here comes the goon-squad with their mangy drug-
sniffing dogs; so this will be a drug shakedown. Four dogs
so far and ten idiots and a clown in civilian clothes and a
semi-decent female

hmmm! No time for that now, I have to put on the harden,
mad-dog expression on my face. Both sides play this
intimidation game. I really would like to slap one of their
dogs (laughter), of course I would be bitten and beaten down
by the goon squad and most likely street beefed (charged
with an assault upon an officer) imagine that?

So, I'll suppress that impulse (as I am similarly forced to
suppress the rest of the aspects of my humanity) and await
the assault (search) upon my persons (strip-searched) and
violation of my property. After a couple of hours the assault
hasn't materialize and these storm troopers move on to
another dorm to cause more physical and psychological
havoc upon the property and minds of other defenseless
prisoners. Apparently today's raid was targeted towards a
select few sunder rude of a random search. While there is
a sigh of relief amongst guys that their contraband won't
be discovered and that they won't be put on report. Every
prisoner knows all too well, that these momentary reprieves
from increased punishment and loss of privileges is short
lived. For tomorrow our lives will once again be placed in
cruel anxiety and jeopardy, by these slave keepers.

After my dorm is cleared to move around I went over
to brotha Sam's room to kill a few minutes and check
whether or not he was victimized and to discuss the
terrorist psychological ramification of this assault. I hate
these racist mad dogs with every fiber of my being. Brotha
Sam considers me this mentor as does many other awake.

Brotha Achim is currently locked up in CDC in Southern California.
Brotha Achim is not new to The Beat Within he^ stn O.G! Brotha
Achim always comes with clean detailed writing of what's going down
in his life. There's no glory or glamour, he gives it to u% raw and uncut
...=*^ =_* — *= *_ _= -. — ._ _* — = .=*_,^ ^i^j believe

him not u%, it ain't nothing nice! So listen to the game Brotha Achim is
spitting. It^ more than just words, it's reality.

progressive prisoners that I counsel and teach "Intellectual
Self Defense", counter Terrorist Tactics to imply upon the
guards. The key to understanding is to either observe or
experience the subject.

The main objective of the guards is to install fear and
guilt in their minds, to deny them peace and security
within their persons and property as a means of control. To
dehumanize and then to animalize prisoners by stripping
them of the decency and dignity that engenders their sense
or self-worth and self-esteem. It's about chow-time and
Brotha Sam and I are directed by the Gestapo to proceed in
groups over to the chow-hall since the prison yard is still
on lockdown status. The menu for the day is the regular
starch, dog-food and soybean filler, another survival meal.
Arizona is a right to work state and thus capitalists-pig
privatization of the prison food services.

You should see all of these homeless-shelter, welfare
recipients the private food service company hires at
minimum wages. One poor old lady looks as if she is one
day shy of her eightieth birthday. It is pathetic that this is
as far as America has come, when hard times hit, return
to slavery of the poor, minorities and disadvantaged; this
is neo-slavery revisited. Prisoners are searched leaving the
chow-hall to prevent them from taking a morsel of food out;
today, one prisoner is busted passing over a gram of dope
to another prisoner.

After eating we were all marched back to be restricted to
the dorm. My head is killing me, the day-to-day continued
stress of being held captive living in a cage - mounts to
an unbearable level. I take (6) extra-strength Tylenol and
lay my body down to take a nap. Forever wishing that by
some miracle that a foreign army would come fiying over
the razor-barb wire fences to rescue and Liberate me; or
at least this place of nothingness on the backside of hell
would disappear or be destroyed by the time I wake up. Not
unlike the wind blowing and the sun shining, when awaken
by the increase activities outside of my room about two
hours later, this place is still intact and so am I. Prisoners
are moving around, it is apparent that the lockdown has
been lifted. I get almost happy and then I stop myself with
remembrance.

I am once again in this never-ending cruel psychological
roller coaster of lockdown and then unlock downs. As we
are once again free to move around in the inner circle of
the prison like a trained animal. It has been said: to break
up an individual, simply take away from him what he or
she has taken for granted and then parcel it back to them
in teasing dribbles - then all of his psychological energies
will be diverted and invested into obtaining what was once
his. A heinous form of psychological torture. Like a dog
chasing his tail. I fear neither God, man nor death only the
continued living as a slave in this racist cemetery called a
prison/plantation .

The next day locked down is lifted. Brotha Sam goes
over to the phones to call one of his girlfriends and check
to hear if she had sent him some money. Part of the survival
ritual of a prisoner is using the telephone, begging, cajoling
and reasoning with loved ones and friends to send you
money of which will allow you to buy decent food to eat.
Prison work assignment pay, assuming that you even have
a prison work assignment is eight cent, a dime and maybe a

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quarter an hour. It is nearly impossible to survive at any level
of minimum human standards solely on prison allowance.
Brotha' Sam allows me to talk to his girlfriends; that was
a treat to speak to a friendly female voice, to get some
attention. I make a few stiff tired jokes and surprisingly
get a laugh, then moving on to the case in point: Was she
gonna fix me up with one of her girlfriends to write etc? She
laughs again, promising she'd do her best.

After our goodbyes are said, Brotha Sam and I resume
our daily constitutional walk around the track in this
infamous circle. Walking seems to be the prisoners'
greatest therapeutic means of relieving stress and dealing
with the extreme "unbearable" and "ugliness" of our most
unfortunate predicament. Walking further symbolizes a
prisoners' conscious and unconscious search for freedom.
It is only a short time before we are once again restricted to
"our" individual rooms with permission and access only to
visit the restrooms and return. Brotha Sam and I compare
notes and discuss whether or not his girlfriend will send
him money; our conclusion, it was dubious. Receiving
money is a constant stress point to augment the dog food
being served at the chow-hall.

Having left Brotha Sam to turn in, then making a pit
stop at the restroom, washing my hands; I am left with my
own unsettling thoughts. For some reason or another my
hands never seem to be clean.

I look in my barren locker for a snack and it is
empty; then I turn on my television hoping the prison
staff censors are feeling charitable and have rented a
steamy rated "R" video from the inmate A&R funds for our
viewing. I was in luck. Late at night it's usually the most
reinvigorating and relaxing, when all is quiet. I've turned
in nearly every body position possible, attempting to find a
comfortable sleeping position on this sliver of cotton called
a mattress; while cursing my captors with the most vile
racial and sexual epithet I can think of. I smile to myself
and I am off hopefully to an erotic, exciting dream as a free
man in a free country.

Some time during the night I was awaken by the most
piercing noise I have ever heard. It's a fire alarm. The dorm
are ten-fifteen year old wood trailers with rotten plywood,
once fully engulfed, it would burn down in less than three
minutes: as explained by the fire marshal who had told us
prisoners, that when we heard the alarm, we had better get
our behinds out.... We didn't dare to take the chance that
this was a false alarm (we were also told that we would not
be rescued) I nosily staggered outside to stand in the cold
morning air. It's a false alarm and once again I return to my
worn-harden, one inch mattress to try and get some sleep
to calm my stressful-anxiety, to gather enough strength to
face another challenging day (either violent or unbearable
boredom) in this Abandoned place of NOTHINGNESS.

Lockdown!

About several-hundred combatants faced each other to
engage in a race riot! At the ASPC-Douglas, Gila-yard prison
at about 1830 hundred hours (6-20-96). It became obvious
that this wasn't to be just another RACE RIOT DRILL! Prison
guards began a panicky voice, repeatedly screaming over
the RA. system: LOCKDOWN! LOCKDOWN! RETURN TO
YOUR HOUSING! The prisoners were not moving. Assigned
to work in the Chapel Office as a clerk, I was alone as I
began to gather my belongings to take to my room next
door.

Not having a shank (knife or weapon), I tapped two ink
pens together and tripled socked my padlock and tied it
off. My housing is next door to my work assignment. My
thinking was to stand guard next to the Chapel to prevent
any of the rioters from entering, by running inside and lock
the door. Admitted, my ulterior motive was purely selfish
and self-serving. If my place of work was burned (a common
tactic, burning down buildings - like these dogs won't
rebuild) down or tore up, I would be out of a job and more
pointedly: out of a hustle. A job I had admittedly learn to
tolerate.

The riot was happening on the opposite side of the yard
from where I was standing. Unlike probably many of the
human herd of prisoners who had assembled to engage in
rioting, I knew exactly what I would do if attacked; I was
going to stab, beat and kill (at least ONE) whomever put
their hands on me in an act of violence.
I saw about fifty black prisoners at the far end of my "L"
shaped housing, yelling out "O.G." (a name given to most all
older black prisoners) "Come over here!" Not being one into
groups, either for shelter or protection, I hesitated. Then
realization that I'd be best suited to lead them if they were
attacked. My adrenaline was pumping and my testosterone
was at a thunderous peak, I was feeling it ... so I elected
to join them.

As soon as I reached the black's position, I could smell
and see fear in most their faces. It is both heartrending and
nauseously revolting to see fear and terror on the face of

another human being.

I began to calmly speak to the guys and I could sense
that these guys were all potential victims in a trance like
state awaiting an accident without a clue as to what they
should or would do if attacked.

The Mexicans had a seemingly larger number than the
whites and they were the aggressors, by jumping on the
old wooden bleachers, ripping off rotted planks to be used
as weapons. Having acquired substantial weapons, they
began to charge into one of the three separate groups of
whites. Interesting, that the whites had chosen such an
indefensible strategy as to deploy themselves or to allow
themselves to be separated into three separate groups;
Unless, this division was based on the lines of gang
affiliation. The group of whites being charged began to
retreat from the Mexicans who were at least three-times
their numbers. In what had to be a comical bewildered look
the other two groups of whites just watched. In fairness to
those whites who didn't come to the aid of their race (other
white prisoners being assaulted), the average sane person's
psychology is simply not conditioned to readily volunteer
to engage in possible life-threatening mass acts of violence.
The retreating groups of whites, retreated to the buildings
and to the fences.

Fortunately for the retreating whites and everyone
concerned, here comes - finally in numbers, the Gestapo,
with riot guns on foot, and the gates open and in files
several highway patrol cars with lights and sirens blasting
jumping out with shotguns and automatic (truly a sight to
see) rifies. Prisoners' weapons are hastily dropped as the
front line rioters are being herded off to a holding area, to
be transported to prisoners all over the state. Of course the
yard is on lockdown status.

In parting - 1 need tell you, those of you out in the not
so free world, these are the combat, mind altering events
we are forced to endure in these man made forgotten
places of nothingness (sewer disposal). Too many of these
daily traumas are permanent, no different than a soldier
experiences in combat, battle fatigue; POST-TRAUMATIC
STRESS.

mcontinued^oTi'^nexUpagem

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mcontinued:frorrL'>previoustpagem

Peanut

On 6.24.95, death overcame the life of a black prisoner
known to me only as "Peanut". While playing basketball in
a tournament game/s/ in what had to be the hottest day of
the year. Peanut suffered what was initially and unofficially
called a massive heart attack. It was later reported that he
suffered a heat stroke. After word reached the yard that
Peanut had died after having passed out on the basketball
court, black prisoners began to congregate in large numbers.
It appeared as if blacks were grouping up for a riot, anxious
whites and Mexicans were hanging out of the windows and
doors watching-with tense faces.

Then I noticed three high-ranking prison guards as
my two students and I approached. We were told that we
[the entire group assembled] would be allowed to remain
on the yard during count [of which was fifteen minutes
away] and be allowed to view the body before the coroner
took Peanut away. While there were low-leveled murmuring
that guards and medical staff had allowed Peanut to lay on
the ground had provided negligent to inadequate medical
treatment; the majority of the group seemed to be calm. In
my entire tenure as a captive (POW) never have I witnessed
such compassion demonstrated by prison officials over
the death of a prisoner, black or white. Obviously, the staff

feared a riot. The Chaplain came along and attempted
to get this large group [close to 80% of the black prison
population] to interact with him, to say something.

After the first hour of standing under the blazing
Arizona sun, the solemn mood of the men began to turn
restless and irritable, a potential for violence. I recall as
a child hearing older blacks accuse white [doctors and
nursed] of deliberately allowing a black person in their care
to unnecessarily die, due to negligence and maltreatment.
While the body was being brought out, the Chaplain was
saying whatever it is religious people say when they walk
in front of a procession carrying a dead body. When a
prisoner stopped the proceeding along with half of the guys
and began to kneel down and pray out loud. The Chaplain,
visibly caught off guard, stopped talking, watched and
listened and so did my group.

After the praying was over and the body was put in
the coroner's little car, the Chaplain advised us that the
Warden had authorized a special service at the chapel. More
than a few prisoners had something to say, I spoke a few
philosophical words, but I was well aware that this group of
tearful guys wanted comfort and not unempathetic words
of cold truth. Amazing, even in prison among hardened,
abandoned human beings, the advent of death is still a
commanding performance.

'SHMU/n MnnTnnMB/7¥'

Shawn Montgomery is writing u% from Union Correctional
Institution in Raiford, FL. Shawn has been a writing great pieces for
The Beat Within for a long time now. His topics range from domestic
violence to other social issues that plague our communities today.
His writing really gets readers to think and also educates them about
something they might not know. In this issue he talks about the prison
system being nothing but a modern day slavery, dating back to the days
when the plantations were still around. He also has a great piece on
"Black on black" murder. Read his pieces because he comes with some
real knowledge and truth that we hope will challenge you to take a
look at yourself, or pick up a pencil and write your own thoughts for
our pages.

It Ain't Pretty

Slavery in America was a big business. Slave masters knew
that as well as those who were responsible for its success-
both in the Americas as well as those in African Republic
who sold their countrymen into bondage.

When we really make an honest attempt to imagine how
thousands of Africans were boarded onto slave ships that
were headed to the North American continent, shouldn't we
have a deeper respect for one another? When we configure
how they were "packed like sardines" and forced to lye, sit
and sleep in their own feces in the lowest and darkest areas
of those ships, shouldn't we place a greater price on our
freedom? When we conclude how their journey must have
seemed like an eternity to them, not knowing where they
were going or for what reason, we should understand the
phrase, "jumping ship."

When we think of the sacrifices of pain, life and limb,
shouldn't we have more humanity than we do? Oh yes, we
sit around the tree, on our telephones, in the beauty and
barber shops and "mouth off about the condition(s) of
Black America - we are really living up to the former slave
master's dream of a ready, willing and able servant?

"People expect us to be a certain way because we are
Black. They expect ghetto mentalities, drugs, and thievery.
Both Blacks and Whites think that this is the only way the

Black male is. I'm myself. I like to read, speak standard
English, and I'm not into basketball, so the kids in school
thought I "acted white", said a student.

It's a sad day when all our children have to hope for is
to become the prototype of a different race than their own.
Why is that, in this country, when we achieve, we are labeled
the Black counterpart of the white race? You know what I'm
talking about! But alas, maybe you don't. Achievers like
Muhammad Ali, Lorraine Hansberry, Madame C.J Walker,
W.E.B. Dubois and countless others attest to "blazing"
one's own trail. Each of their records in history speaks for
themselves. However, with the exception of "The Greatest,"
do our children recognize the rest of these infiuential Black
historians?

"Black men have the status of an endangered species.
We have no protection in society. Even money doesn't give
Black people the power like it does for others." Kuratidisha
X. Ali Rashid.

Oh come on, don't act like you don't know! When we
understand, we know that for the sake of honor and trust
the Black American man is a "diamond in the rough" and
no other stone created by God matches its brilliance, fire
and/or character. Some of us have dared to look under that
proverbial rug and it ain't pretty - same ol' dirt, different
broom. Peace Be Unto You.

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Don't Be His Punchino Bag

They say that every minute another woman becomes a victim of
domestic violence. That means that somewhere right now, there
is a mown reading this who's either been abused, is currently
being abused, is currently being abused or is anticipating
becoming abused in the next sixty seconds. I've always been
aware of this type of activity, I was touched personally by it
when I was 11 years old. My mother paid the ultimate price for
continuing her involvement in an abusive relationship.

Those close to her said that she and her ex-boyfriend had
frequent alterations. Police were often called to our residence
to resolve late-night disputes. But no one believed that it would
eventually end with him taking her life.

That episode had a long lasting affect on my thinking. It
made me realize that a person who makes threats of death,
can't be taken lightly. It also left me with a low tolerance and
a lack of respect for individuals who choose to treat their
significant others in such a violent fashion.

Last week I was reminded of my severe distaste for such
behavior when I read a story in the newspaper about a mother
of four who was killed by an abusive ex-lover. According to the
story, his inability to deal with her rejection compelled him
to kidnap and beat her to death. Her ordeal, while tragic and
horrific, is a textbook example of how ugly things can become
when violence is allowed to flourish.

The saddest part about most cases like these is that they
can be avoided. Every woman can put off being victimized by
paying attention to the details of a man's behavior from the
very beginning of their acquaintance. For those woman who
don't know what to look for while attempting to figure out their
new fling has the propensity to cause severe bodily harm, here
are a few red-flags that should concern you.

1. He comes off as a control freak. Most abusive stems
from individuals who attempt to impose their will on their
victims. When a woman doesn't act according to his demands,
the situation often becomes physical.

2. His peers don't respect him. This is one of those
things that almost always gets overlooked. Men who seem to
be looked down upon by other men, often try to make up for
their lowly stature by demeaning someone they feel is inferior.

That someone, is often his girlfriend or wife. His abuse is
usually verbal, but it can escalate.

3. He's a coward. A man who won't stand up to another
man is dangerous for a woman. He'll usually take out his wimpy
frustration on someone weak and vulnerable. Once again that
would be. Number 2 and 3 could be the same guy.

4. His past will tell the story. If at all possible check his
background. Usually, an abusive person has a history of violent
behavior toward women. Talk with some of his ex-girlfriends.
They'll tell you everything you need to know.

5. Watch for tears. If a man frequently cries, there is
something wrong. These guys are usually emotionally unstable.
This is the kind of guy that will knock your head off then beat
you to the Kleenex box.

6. Too much of a good thing could be deadly. Every woman
that I've ever known, loves a man to shower her with attention.
This could be a double-edged sword. It sounds good to receive
your man's undivided attention, but when it begins to become
too much, be careful. Guys that dote that much on a woman
have the potential to become serious stalkers. When the
relationship ends, the nightmare begins.

7. Size does matter. This applies to both height and sexual
endowment. Men who come up short (no pun intended) in one
of these areas tend to be more aggressive than the average
male. They can easily offend and that offense can translate
into violence.

8. You're smarter than him. Some men just can't take a
woman being more intelligent or more successful. This doesn't
automatically mean he'll try to hurt you, but if a guy constantly
makes an issue or it, his jealousy can easily turn into rage and/
or contempt.

9. He's possessive. This could be one of the biggest red-
flags. Every woman is already familiar with this type. He tends
to cherish anything he feels he owns, including you. You'll
know him by this statement, "If I can't have you, nobody will."

10. He strikes you. This should be a no-brainer, but some
woman seem to always miss it. The first time a man places
his hands on you should be the last. The number one mistake
woman make is allowing a man to hit them and then going
back. Once you return, it's like you're giving him consent to do
it again. And most likely he will.

Black-Dn-Black Crime

I know Blacks are being denied justice in the courtrooms
across America. I am aware that we, as a race of people,
are still the victims of racial prejudice, inferior education,
limited opportunities, poor healthcare and economic
stability, among other things. We must continue to fight
these injustices on every front. We must work to change
these conditions as well as diligently work to overcome
these conditions and lift our race to a higher level. But let
us take a break from these very important Black issues to
look at another issue that is greatly affecting our race. That
is the issue of "Black-on-Black murder".

More and more, the number of Blacks murdering Blacks
continues to grow. In spite of this growing number of Blacks
killing Blacks, no one seems to care. No organizations seem
to care. There is no organization or a movement against
Blacks killing Blacks.

We have an organization or movement to advocate for
every issue that affects African American, except Black-
on-Black murder. Why is that? Isn't Blacks killing Blacks
important? Do we care about African Americans killing
African Americans?

If you want to see Black rage, let a policeman or a white

person kill a Black. We are ready to march on the
courthouse, Washington and the television station. Let
a Black kill a Black and you hardly get a blip on the radar
screen from anybody except the murder victim's family.
Why is that the case?

Ask yourself, is it the fact that a Black has been killed
that upsets and disturbs us or is it who killed a Black that
upsets and motivates us to action? In reality, we should be
upset whenever a Black is killed, regardless of who did the
killing. Not even our Black elected officials seem concerned
about Black-on-Black murder. At least not enough to speak
out against it; not enough to lead rallies to rebuke these
killings and certainly not enough to make it an important
issue on legislative agendas across America.

We must learn, understand and believe that if it is
disturbing and upsetting when some other race kills
a Black, it is just as wrong and upsetting when a Black
murders a Black. It makes me want to ask, are we saying it
is okay for Blacks to kill Blacks by our silence.

This growing epidemic of Black-on-Black murders is
just as important in the lives of Blacks as all the other
issues that we are so vocal. Read and listen. The news is
filled with items of Black-on-Black murder, but no news of
any outcry.

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'MXnHf^BL, Mn/<xnnB¥'

It's Hard But It's Fair

It's hard, but it's fair and God knows I care
It's hard but it's fair, I have put up a struggle just to be there

It's hard but it's fair, God is everywhere

It's hard but it's fair. He had been with me through it all

It's hard but it's fciir, God help me to see my wake up call

It's h£ird but it's fair, I have learned from £dl my down f£dls

It's hard but it's fair, being locked up behind these walls

It's hard but it's fair when you don't have no one

on the streets to call

It's hard but it's fair, the suffering will always be there

It's hard but it's fair, the pain I can always feel

It's hard but it's fair, I been away from my mother for so

many years

It's hard but it's fair, I lost so many tears

It's hard but it's fair, I been fighting for so many years

It's hard but it's fair, at times no one seemed to want to

be there

It's hard but it's fair, I almost lost my mind

It's hard but it's fair because God he was there

It's hard but it's fair because I am living to see another day

It's hard but it's fair because I have faith when I pray

It's hard but it's fair because I believe in myself each day

It's hard but it's fair because I search for the path

that would lead me the right way

It's hard but it's fair.

Thank You

Thank you for this moment

Thank you for the sunshine

Thank you for the fresh air

Thank you for your care

Thank you for the testing

Thank you for the blessing

Thank you for the meals

Thank you for letting me live

Thank you for each day

Thank you for listening to me when I pray

Thank you for not taking my breath away

Thank you letting your word be guide to me each day

Thank you for the water I drink

Thank you for the positive thoughts I think.

Fresh Start

Well I am still living to see another day, which is a fresh start

Each day that is blessed to me is used as a fresh start

To renew my mind and soul

A fresh start to gain control of my life

A fresh start, to get my life right with God

A fresh start to see all my past mistakes for what they worth

A fresh start at being a better person

A fresh start at being a leader

A fresh start at loving my enemies as I love myself

A fresh start at always respecting myself, so I would

always have respect for others

A fresh start at giving freely from the heart

A fresh start at setting higher goals for myself

A fresh start at getting an education

A fresh start at keeping it real with myself, so I could

always keep it real with others

A fresh start at believing in myself, and being all I can be

A fresh start at taking up my own responsibility and

being responsible for my own action

A fresh start with fresh opportunities.

Michael McKinney is writing u% from the Union Correctional
Institution in Raiford, Florida. Michael has been writing to the Beat
Within for a while now. He's no stranger and his writing is immaculate.
His writing really expresses how he feels and how he deals with the fact
that he's locked up. It's a constant battle for anybody to stay positive in
such a negative place. But Michael stays stronger than the bricics that
contain him and keeps it positive with a will to survive and do better!

Buildino A Relationship With God

This has been a very hard task for me to do because every
day I had to struggle with my sin. And I always had to
struggle real hard with building me a lasting relationship
with God. And when I say lasting relationship, I don't
mean a relationship what would last one month with God,
or one year with God, then turn my back on him and go
back to my old ways. I wanted to be with God everyday. I
wanted to walk with God everyday. I wanted to talk to God
everyday. I wanted to pray with God everyday. I wanted
to trust in God everyday. I wanted to have faith in God
everyday. I wanted to love God everyday. And this is what
having a lasting relationship with God was to me.

And there have been times when I would have an
ongoing relationship with God. By reading the bible
everyday and praying everyday and by doing this would
make faith in God grow. But tiie hardest thing for me to
do was to keep my relationship with God. Because here
in prison when most convicts who don't know any better
see me on the path of having a good spiritual relationship
with God, they think that is a weakness or they go to
feeling like I done got weak. And I always had a big ego
that was very hard for me to keep in check. Because my
heart did not want to fall back into that old way of living,
because this prison environment is filled with so much
deception and temptation to do wrong. But no matter how
many times I stumble along the way, I will always keep
faith in God.

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'MXHH^BL, Mn/<XnnB¥ canr. '

My Will To Survive

I do have a strong will to survive because my will has
been put to the test so many times. So I do know for a fact,
that I have a very strong will that has helped me survive
through so many things. And my will has stood through
tests of time and if it would have not been for my strong
will to survive, I would have been lost my mind years ago.
There have been times and situations that made me feel
as if I did not want to live anymore. But my will to survive
is what kept me alive, and on to strive for equality and
justice.

All of my life I have struggled against injustice, from
a kid to a man, all my life I had to take a stand for my
rights and the rights of others. And my stand was to gain
respect, and to be treated like a human being, and my will
to survive through prison trials and hardships. And it's
really not about what we go through in life that counts.
Having a strong will to survive is all what counts. And
this locked down one-man cell situation that I have been
trapped up in for years has made my will ever so strong to
survive this and more.

All of mif life I have struggled
against Itjjustlce, from a Kid to
a mapf, all mtf life I had to take
a stand for mif rights and the
rights of others,

Concrete Walls

I live within these concrete walls. They hold me in this
four-walled cell with a locked steel door. These concrete
walls are built as if they are not going to fall. They are
hard, and these concrete walls are made to hold the
hardest, the toughest, and the meanest of all kind. And
these concrete walls are made to hold you for a great
number of years, if you are always acting hard. But I had
to learn the hard way behind these concrete walls.

It was not always about being hard. It was also about
learning how to be smart because these concrete walls
was not going to break they was not going to fall. And
these concrete walls was just not just made to hold you
incarcerated. There was something else special about
these concrete walls, there was more good to them then
there was bad. When I first got locked up behind these
concrete walls, I thought this situation was going to be
all bad because I did not like the fact of being locked
behind concrete walls 24 hours a day, just about every
day because at that time I did not know the art of doing
time and not let time do me.

I had not yet learned how to use the time behind
concrete walls to my advantage. And being behind these
concrete walls gave me time to think about so much, time
to think about things I never took into consideration when
I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
And being behind these concrete walls taught me how to
be alert and how to be aware of things that's around me.
Being behind these concrete walls gave me time to learn
how to use my mind to make sense out of my life and
experience.

My WIN To Do Better

My will to do better is sometimes strong

My will to do better at times breaks weak

My will to do better is something I will always keep

My will to do better is instilled in my mind

My will to do better, will never be left behind

My will to do better is a blessing from God

My will to do better is a big start

My will to do better keeps me fighting to see another day

My will to do better makes me get on my knees to pray

My will to do better has been one of my best friend

My will to do better will never come to an end

My will to do better helps to dig within myself

To bring out all the best of what's left

My will to do better is what I have much faith in

My will to do better keeps me away from sin

My will to do better makes me strive to win

My will to do better

As My Mind Torn

As my mind turn, my thoughts are like a whirlpool. As
my thinking keeps me in school learning all about how
my minds is a valuable tool that should always be used.
And the mind I have, I don't want to waste it. As my mind
turns and my thoughts are saying if I only knew how
much of my mind was a gift that can help my life come
thorough and make all my dreams come true. And mind
over matter has helped me too.

I have struggles very hard in order to gain control over
my mind because strong minds now days are hard to find.
And a strong mind is what makes the best of mankind.
As my mind turn, my thoughts become my main concern,
with that I think about because we are what we think.
Because if I think down of myself, then my life would be
down, but if I think high of myself, then my life would be
high.

As my mind turns, I can't let my thoughts play tricks
on me, my powerful mind is what I will always be. And I
will always let my mind set good values for me.

Never Give lip

I will never give up

It's not in my blood

It's not what I love

I will never give up, I will never give out

I will never give in

As long as I got God on my side as my friend

My number one friend

I will never give up because a hard situation is not the end

It's only a moment of tests that will always be there

I will never give up, that won't be fair because I do care

I will not give up because everything I have been through

has been a blessing to me

It has helped me to be the strong spiritual warrior that I

am right now today

I will never give up because if I did give up in this

struggle

I would not just be giving up on myself

I would also be giving up on £dl the one's who believe in me

I will never give up because I cannot let people down.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^^^■HI^JHOKK/ / -JV/////

'HU^TTS nnuH'

A Grandmother's Love

A grandmother's love

Is a love sent from God above

A grandmother's love is unconditional

Because you love me no matter what anyone says

I can talk to you about anything

And for you I would do anything

Whenever I'm down you know how to lift me up

That's why I care about you

That's why I love you so much

Grandmother you're love has touched me in so m£iny ways

So keep loving me in so many ways

Now I know for certain your love is from above

Nothing can replace a grandmother's love.

Our friend Curtis Cooic is bade! Curits delivers his insights from a
correctional facility in Selma, Alabama, and has become a reliable
contributor to The Beat Within for the past several issues. He even has
his brother writing for The Beat Within! Here's a few poems that Curtis
would like to share with u% readers.

In My Dreaoi

I want you to think of me every night

Just to focus on me I will direct your heart

I will show you all the things love is made of

Look for me when life has dealt you a bad hand

Look for no other know in your heart that I'm your man

My masculine arms will protect you from all danger

Hidden, and unseen I'm truly in love with you

We make love every night in my dream.

Yoo're My Aogel

Sometimes I just sit and think

About all the love

We made in the past

I thought our love would last

So what would it take to make

Things right again

You are my lover

But you are also my best friend

Nothing could separate

Me from the power of your love

We were made for each other

You're my angel from above

Never Lose Sight

Come to me my lady

Bring you sexy body, and irresistible charm

Take me, hold me

Be my shelter in time of storm

Teach me to love

And to never hate

Hold me close to your breasts

And keep me safe

Tell me the truth

With no lies attached

Make my dreams come true

Let you body relax

Handle me as you will

You can be rough if you like

Look deep into my eyes

And never lose sight

Yoo Treat Me Like A Kiog

The memory of you still occupies my mind

All the intimate times we shared

All the love, and joy I remember so well

I'm love sick, and love crazy

You are the one for me my one and only lady

There are very bright days in our forecast

A poetic vision of a love

That will always last

So let my words thrive in your heart

Because nothing, I mean nothing

Could ever pull our love apart

Our love will flourish like dogwoods of the spring

I'm proud to have such a woman like you

Because you treat me like a king.

Tiie End

The mystery of the mind

The time at hand

Stands still for a while

But the world keeps moving

Everything's groovy when life begins

But no one wants

To face the end

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^i^i^^^^^^^^ ^ii {' f/^ f / Yl

'n^Tsrniif^L, n^^^H'

I For An Eye

There's good and there's bad

There's real and fad

The inferior year

Man why so queer

Thee superior sneer, leer,

So damn mad while the

righteous just clap, snap,

now let's cheer

The blood in my veins

These walls can't contain

My body they hold it, but

can't told it
They scold it and throw it

Yet to be slain
So I reign while chained

But man, I hold it

I rein it

I ain't it

Eye for an eye

I've shed them

I've bled them

I've fed them lies

Why? Cause they feed

them to me, see lies

They come and they go,

they flow, they don't die

We multiply, millions and

strong

Long throngs continued

doing time, but we will live

on.

Cristobal Bazan is writing u% from a correctional center in Amarillo,
Texas. Cristobal is lociced up, but has hope and is still hanging on
that he will see the free world. Cristobal %x^% he doesn't have many
educational achievements, but he does have the greatest achievement
of all, and that's the achievement of being free of the mind and spirit
through his writings.

Still Hanoin' On

These walls are thick with the atmospheres cold

We're lit with the sick and flt with the throwed

When the winds all blow, we know, we've been snowed

All these lies, the why's, these questions we throw
They're blocked by the cops, they're covered by snow
We must grow and show, cause these times are cold

No mercy, nor passion, the hatred shows

I freeze in this breeze, I'm sick with the throwed

The climate will change, but this world's still cold

I've been snowed by the highers

I'm so throwed I conspire

Cold and so bold, barely hanging on to the wire.

,„we'd have a ma/or impact /ft re-
gards to voter tifrffofft, hut all we'd
he doing Is plotting the same Kind of
folKs IM power again.

Tn The Beat: An Update

You know my greatest achievement was waking up this
morning to live another day. It's so easy to go, especially
this day and age when so many are dying daily. I have
no G.E.D., no diplomas, no certificates-nothing! I've
been in and outta the system since I was a child. I now
find myself confined to a cell 24 hours a day, everyday,
cause I can't seem to get along with others. I'm on what's
called administrative segregation. So far me to get the
upper hand on this psychological warfare is definitely an
achievement. I've seen so many die in here and I refuse to
let the system break me...

You have to understand there's an American agenda.
Now whoever is voted into office wont make much of a
difference. Sure, colors and genders might differ, but not
much will "change." Look at the Kennedy's, they went
against the grain: assassinated. A very good example
was set there. Politicians of the upper crust will not do
much for us that are in the belly of the beast. We smell
the stench; we feel the hunger; and we churn the belly.
What's old is deep, and what's deep is strong: Racism is
old, deep, and strong in this country. They aint ready for
a Chicano or Black president. . .

If we, the disenfranchised could vote, we wouldn't
make a major difference; we'd have a major impact in
regards to voter turnout, but all we'd be doing is putting
the same kind of folks in power again.

We the people have the power invested in us to make
the difference, along with an impact. I slang and I bang,
and I'm proud of who I am, but as long as we're divided,
there's no way we can fight it with closed fists.

'HU^TTS HBU/XLL'

■Curtis Newiii is writing u% from a Correctional Facility in Camp
Hill, Pennsylania. Kurtis Believes in himself and his bright future. He

also believes in venting out through his writing. It tooic u% a while to ■

Children At War X I

publish your writing Kurtis but it^ here! Keep them coming. I

I watch as
Big government fight over ships and planes

1 Believe \

Gangsters fight over whips and chains

Make or take, rubber bands or dust

Lord I'll never question why

We trust politicians

Please forgive me for getting by

Troops meet with morticians

Know in my heart I tried

Everybody speaks of peace

And form my soul I cried

It seems the only peace

I never moved mountains

It seems the only peace

But I threw pennies in the fountains

They find is on the hip

I can't escape my past

Fighting over a title

But I build the foundation

A fiag or so rag

For a future that will last

Money makin' machines

I need you in my life

Street generals or politicians

Like I need love

Cronies, customers, or lobsters

When push come to shove

You get what you pay for

I know you've got my back

And we the people re-elected

If I've got to rack and leave

A crack smoking mayor

Never will I grieve

Guns, drugs, and money

I know you never let me down

Yet we arrest the graffiti sprayer.

And I believe.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

i^^wnimmm^mu r - ^^/ {£/ / /

'^f7Df7ffTS nnuH'

The Trapped Hell Intruder

Angry and frustrated with my finger trembling on the

trigger

Thinking to myself, "Do I really want to become a

killer?"
Ten bullets in the chamber with a pair of confused

looking eyes
Wondering will I have enough time to flee before the

cops arrive

My arm is straight as an arrow and my gun is three

inches above

his ear

His arms are still above his head and I can clearly smell

his fear

My conscience became overpowered by the demonic

voices

in my head

I wonder where would I hide him, in his closet or

beneath his bed?

My ears are still distracted

from the loud and disturbing house alarm

They sound like grey vicious wolves, more like a tornado

siren horn

The sound of that annoying alarm didn't make it any

better

I could already hear the maggots and flies gathering

together

My mind is twisted like a cyclone

and I no longer have any time to waste

We both are nervous as can be and sweat is pouring

down our face

"Enough!" I made my decision, he will soon be deceased

And I will soon be at home watching TV and relieved

Slowly I tightened the trigger with my trembling and

worn flnger

This will be something that I will always remember

I slowly pulled the trigger, waiting to hear a loud bang

"Click, click, click," I didn't hear a thing

Dammit, my gun was jammed; there wasn't a thing I

could do now,

I know I can make it out of this house,

but I just wondered how suddenly I ran through the

hallway, attempting to dash out the door

All I remembered was him drawing from his pocket

before I hit the floor

Pain rushed down my spine and chills

quickly rushed through my head

And blood poured down my neck.

It was a glossy and shiny color red

Well, that's why I'm surrounded in flames,

I knew I took the wrong route

But I'm afraid it's too late because my soul will forever

be trapped

I slowltf pulled the trigger, waiting
to Hear a loud hang

"Click:, click , click, "

I didff 't hear a thing

Dammit, mtfgm was Jammed; there

wasn 't a thing I could do now.

Kadaris Cook, the 15 year old brother of Curtis, is writing from
Wetumpica, Alabama. Kadaris is a talented writer and he's only
fifteen years old. I know Curtis is very proud of Kadaris and from the
looks of Kadaris' writing, he has reason to be! Welcome, Kadaris!

If A Gun Could Talk

Some say I'm very fatal because I took many down

Usually my victims don't last after the flrst round

I have many characteristics like my color and my size

I just love to take them out with a great surprise
I left many bloody sights and bodies scattered on the

ground

Enemy bodies are still missing and will never be found

Some let me get the best of them and they commit

suicide

Because of me some went to court and testifled

I am used worldwide and I am greatly respected

I blast on the weak when I'm least expected

You have to be very careful when you play this game

I even had the most top-feared drug lords in pain

I am used by criminals and also the police

I don't care who uses me, I just want to blow your brains

to pieces

I left many unsolved mysteries and unsolved cases

My victims are usually found in unusual places

I love no one but the person who's pulling my trigger

Staring down my barrel just makes people shiver

Many that used me are either dead or in jail

And some are burning right now in hell

My mighty power is guaranteed to leave you

underground

I even annihilated kings and conquered their crowns

If you disobey me you will be outlined in chalk

And this is what I would say if a gun could talk.

Dangerous Love

The love we shared will never exist again

It hurts so badly as if the world was coming to an end

I take a moment with myself to think back in time

I really wish that she were still mine

I think about when she left me the hateful words she

said
Now demonic thoughts go in and out of my head

I'm thinking things I never thought before

Banging my head on the wall, not wanting to hear

anymore

My eyes are full of tears so I can't see

It's like I'm turning into something I don't want to be

Now I want her more than ever and I have no choice

My conscience started to work,

but the whisper says, "Ignore that voice."

I close my eyes and I slowly count to flve

I want her in my arms even if she is dead or alive

She has no clue death will visit her soon

I sneaked up behind her while she was asleep in the

bedroom

I silently put the barrel of my gun to her brain

Finally the moment I have been waiting for has come

Suddenly I heard a more mighty voice; it sounded like

God

And I turned the gun around to myself and committed

suicide

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^^MH^JHOKK / /^#//////

Night's Pissiii

I never notice your presence until you appear right

before my eyes

You let me know I'm not alone, you let me know you're

by my side

As a child I used to be afraid of you

and never thought you would be a friend

Because so many people say that night brings horrible

monsters, but you only make me grin
I only get about nine hours of your company each and

every day

You never failed to visit me, so in my heart is where you

will stay

I love when you take your fingers

and calmly run them through my hair

That lets me know, even while I'm asleep that you are

still there
She never talks very much, no more than letting out a

low whistle

And I love when stars shoot through your atmosphere

like ultra speed missiles

Sometimes I miss when you are gone,

but then I remember you will be back soon

But I keep my faith

that you will come back and also bring back the moon

I can't resist how you cuddle up with me and let me

know everything is okay

You said you would still remain with me, even after my

body decays

I love when you wrap your arms around me

and slowly rock me to sleep

I know I'm only human, but still my love for you runs

deep

As long as you care and promise me

that you will be there every night

'Cause I really feel that you are real and together we can

destroy the light.

Alone

Alone for many years wandering the cemetery

Wondering will she ever get a visit from relatives

Her body has disintegrated, but in her mind she still

lives

Frightened by human kind when sighted glowing in the

hills
She glides through the grave site with an ultra bright

glow

Her dress dances from the force of a silent wind blow

When midnight comes she rests her head upon a small

stone

Weeping in sadness because she's tired of being alone

Her dress comes down over her feet with a vanilla white

color

And her beautiful eyes are bright and blue like ocean

water

I spotted her beauty when I was out wandering the night

I couldn't resist her beauty as I got closer to her light

She doesn't talk very much because she's very shy

This is the lady whom I want to be with until I die

She finally has a friend and a true friend forever

And never will she be alone because we will always be

together

The Man On The Moon

The man on the moon walks every night

Never wish to meet him, he's a horrible sight

Only once out of a century he will visit the earth

Incapable of controlling his blood thirst

It's only a dream, a myth, more like a Goosebumps story

So there's nothing to be cifraid of and three's no need to worry

But please flee away if you see a mysterious light

Because the man on the moon walks every night

Wishing Yoo Were Here

Sometimes when you are gone I think about you

There's not a night that goes by without me wishing you

were here My mind won't let me believe the fact that you

are gone

But I believe and trust that one day, you will be back

home

My heart will be with you, wherever you go

So when you think you are alone, I am right there with

you

I know in the past we had differences,

but you are more than a friend

So if you need any help, I will help you fight until the

end
And everything will be okay because God is right by your

side
It seems that we grew up so quick and I often miss the

past
Sometimes I have to let a tear drip down my dark shiny

eyes

Because for someone you really love, you are never too

tough to cry And if I was in the same situation, I know

you would cry for me

You're never too grown up to cry and I'm not ashamed to

say it.

And everything will be okay if we're always there for

each other

Because there's nothing in the world like there is a big

brother.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^I^I^^^^^^ ^^iLL'J^JJJIIJ.

'MXHH^XL, Mf7ffHHf7SBi^'

Hope

Hope rains in a myriad of colors

A rainbow in a kaleidoscope

Most see their happiness in dollars,

While others lose themselves in dope.

Life catapults us with a scruffy hand

Sometimes it's smooth as sand;

At others, smothering until the end

An end one cannot comprehend

Yet forced to stand.

It helps to have God as a friend

The difference in life and death is just a hair's strand.

I'm confident that "life in prison" saved me from certain death
in the free world. My grandma often repeats the Russian
proverb, "Only a casket will straighten out a hunchback",
to which I'd like to add, "Or a long prison term". Then again,
what do I know?

Life is a battle to the finish, whether on this or that side
of the barbed wire. Better men than I have done years in the
joint, have had all the "right answers" completed al the nick-
knack programs, courses, seminars, and then crashed head-
first once they got a whiff of freedom. Life is a fiight to the
finish, and it's an unpopular fact that for many of us prison
is an asylum from our own destructive behavior. That's my
story, and I'm sticking to it!

Forgive me, but I don't expect you to live off someone
else's bread. My experience differs from most people, and
no matter how many "great" and "touching" stories we
encounter on the pages of The Beat Within, when the
magazine is closed, we all are forced to deal with our own
particular reality, our own cases, sentences, pasts, presents,
and the uncertainties attached to our future. And I'm not
even touching the relational aspect of our lives - - the real
quagmire for most of us: our inability to get along with others,
to cope within our families, to be responsible in anything.
God bless David Keeton for his "Cause and Effect, Mind
Pollution" article in issue 13.10! In attempting to solve
the prevalent "gang problem" he doesn't blame "Whitey,"
"The Man," or the government, but places the primary
responsibility on the parents.

What is unique about that (for those fortunate enough to
have parents who are not in prison, strung out; or those who
are not being groomed in group homes) is that it's not secret
that a strong family is the best form of gang prevention! Yes,
there are many exceptions, and we recognize that street
gangs are more than a "social phenomena" or whatever. This
is a social problem - - affecting the entire community in every

Mikhail Marichasev is bade and to our iiicing! Miichaii has been a

Beat favorite for years and having him deliver stellar contributions

sk% a weekly contributor is a blessing to us all! In his latest piece, he
_. ^ .=,_ ^ ^_^^._ ^_ ^.._ * ._._.. ._i| -J .^^ ^^ ^^ ^11 „j,|^g

important choices everyday that will affect our future. Listen to Mikhail
and his powerful words! Mikhail is writing u% from Corcoran State Prison
in Corcoran, Ca.

way - - but it is primarily a breakdown in the family. Anyone
familiar with what happens in the ghetto (or anywhere tiiere
are gangs) understands that gangs are a substitute for a
family, an alter-reality that's been twisted and warped, but
a REALITY nonetheless. It cannot be simply dismissed or
swept under the rug...

The police raids, which simply take the "exterminator"
approach, and evict, dismantle, chase, and destroy - - as
though gangs are nests of cockroaches, and not the most
natural expressions of widespread social cancers - - fail to
deal with the essential social issues which give births to
gangs, drugs, violence, and every form of lawlessness. This
is an extremely complex and troubling topic, so I'll step down
to a more important question, albeit a simpler one.

This is directed to David Keeton, but also to Ray Sanchez
Jr. - - who I know is qualified to answer it because he lived
through this question. All three of us are lifers, and have
experienced both the perks of the juvenile justice system,
and its adult counterpart. Look around. Prison yards are
getting younger and younger, filling up with young adults
outrageous and draconian sentences - - long enough to
guarantee that our steel and concrete cities will be brimming
"on full" for decades and decades to come.

What do you do with these "kids"? Once "prevention"
has gone down the drain, helped among by Prop. 21 and our
human laws, what can (or should) be done with the youth
teeming within the prison walls? Who are we to anyone
other than their older homeboys (until it's too late), and
don't really care until this becomes their own reality, or the
scrubs all around us, who have thrown in the towel on life,
and have settled for a "houseplant" existence of the typical
institutional "bread and circus" sideshow?

Well, I thought it was a single question, but I've managed
to babble into an entire paragraph. Please bare with me.
Anyone who wants to take a stab at it is welcome. By the
way, the last thing I'm insinuating or recommending is for
anyone to get on top of a soapbox in the middle of the yard,
and begin with a "Hear ye! Hear ye! I have a plan, so follow
me into the Promised Land!" Let's be realistic here without
becoming a romantic. There's a place for romantics, and it's
called State Mental Hospital at Atascadero.

May the Lord, in His grace and power, keep everyone.

So What?! \

Have you been there, done that?

Lived with your pockets fat?

Been to the top, conquered the world?

Swimming in gold and stories untold?

So what! At the end of that mirth

There is only six feet of earth!

Learoino The Troth \

Simple truth I have learned.

Nothing that will amaze

When I stand before God at the end of my days

Only then will I know condemnation or praise.

Another word I need to keep,

To keep me from demise:

My sin is not being a sheep.

But trying to be wise...

1 Want To See Beaoty \

Untarnished, pristine

Though tempered by life,

Though mangled, it's seen

A forest once stood

Where today is charred wood:

Life and destruction, evil and good

Locked in a death match, they battle in strife.

But smoldering embers prophecy life...

Thooght 1 Koew \

Youth was full of zeal and brief

It faded like an autumn leaf

I though I truly knew

Of life a thing or two

But none of it was true.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^y;gz^g^iiMM^ / / ^//JfJ /

'MTHH^TL, M^/PHH^SBW canr. '

How I Started My Journey

There's a proverb which says, "Even a fool is counted wise
when he hold his peace" (Pro. 17:28). I need to heed it more
often, rather than opening my mouth and "removing all
doubt". In my previous BW piece I commented on some
issues about which I should have remained silent; and so
this time I hope to write about the only thing I'm qualified
to write about: my own personal experience, and whatever
may be drawn from it, for better or for worse.

Lord, your ways are not those of men.

You made us for an eternity's span.

What we think we know and what we see

Is less than what's known to the tiniest flee.

I was born and raised in a country that no longer exists:
the Soviet Union. The world and social structure, which I
knew, has been wiped off the face of history in the early
1990's, but that's not important. When, at the age of ten, I
was told that we're packing our bags and shaking the spot
for sunny America, I was angry and heartbroken. I hated
the USA, and the entire "capitalist pigs" Western landscape,
and was taught to hate by the prevalent Soviet propaganda,
indoctrinated in school, through the media, books, and
everything else that was made in the USSR. And so, when
I found out that we're "defecting to the enemy" I cried and
felt like a traitor.

We left as refugees. Motherland stripped us of our Soviet
citizenships, and I still held a grudge against that slimy
Uncle Sam until... I walked into a "Ralph's" supermarket on
Poinsettia and Sunset Blvd, in Los Angeles, and saw more
food than my ten-year-old imagination could have conceived
in a Soviet lifetime. But, that's more another story.

Yeah, I became a "capitalist pig" myself, shaking loose
my "Evil Empire" allegiance for a stack of food stamps and
welfare benefits, along with MediCal. I couldn't figure out:
Why in the world is Uncle Sam dishing out free money to
people from an enemy state? My great-grandmother, Maria,
who had survived a civil war, two World Wars, Joseph
Stalin's reign of terror, and ended up outliving the mighty
USSR, was suddenly receiving SSI benefits, though she
hadn't worked a day in America...

Well, I wasn't told about any of this in the Soviet
propaganda movies, where the only things we saw were
the labor strikes, fire hoses aimed at Black protestors in
Alabama, and other forms of Western debauchery, like a
young Vietnamese girl running down a dirt road, naked, with

here skin burned off by a napalm bomb. To my shock,
with time, I saw some of the same images on American
T-V ! This has to be understood in the light of the fact that
no Soviet channel showed the Siberian mass graves of old
Stalinist "labor camps", that in the history books we, the
communist state, were always the best, the most humane,
the defenders of the little guys all over the world.

It was very painful for me to accept the sad fact that
most of what I was fed in my first ten years was a bunch
of lies. I began to understand this even before we left the
USSR, but my simple, idealistic heart couldn't fathom that
we all had been living a lie. Thus was formed a void in my
soul, a void that manifested itself in the land of milk and
honey, on the streets of California, where during my teens
I turned to gangs, drugs, and my own madness, in order to
"get in where I fit in".

As the structured society built on B.S. was crumbling
across the Atlantic Ocean, and as people were splitting from
the Soviet Union quicker than rats off a sinking ship, my
own little world was preparing to experience an upheaval- -
self-infiicted and other-wise - that would not only sink my
"American Dream," but take others down with me.

We landed in Los Angeles on August 17th, 1989, as I a
scrawny square from Eastern Europe - beheld from above
the endless sea of light which was to be my home for the
next nine years. On August 17, 1998, I took my last ride
on the county bus, from the Santa Monica Superior Court
back to the Central Jail. We took the streets, listened to
"Mega Oldies", and I said goodbye to Los Angeles after
being sentenced to life imprisonment without possibility of
parole. Less than a week later I was in Ad-Seg, in Delano,
with no clue as to where I would end up.
Till next time

History repeats itself

Not that it matters

We're born and live and die

Time gives and takes and scatters

Blessed are the blind

To what is outside

Who in themselves abide

Who savor life's abating tide

And other shores don't try to find

But who find God

And in Him hide

Who is the truth and source of life

Until the waves of life subside!

Pure \

As the grace in the face of a newborn is seen

So are the hearts that are pure, precious, and pristine

Couldn't wait to grow up, now can't wait to return

To the way that I was after being just born.

A Fool Without Patleuce \

Patience didn't possess, but wanted to rule
For the soul cared not, but had passion as fuel
Galloped through will the zeal of a careless fool
Till experience showed I'm no horse but a mule!

Te Be a Fool \

It's hard to say how I got here:

Was in my courage or my fear?

Am I plain stupid or sublime?

Or living on God's borrowed time?

I never though that I'd get caught

I stole and murdered — and for what?

God wanted me to be a man.

To be a fool is what I sought. . .

1 Failed \

I failed to contemplate the cost

I failed to see, although I tried

I rolled the dice and sadly lost

I yearned to live, yet somehow died

I tried to navigate my soul
I sought and fought without a goal

I am no shepherd, but a sheep
And so, O'Lord, my soul to keep!

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////// //

^I^I^^^^^^^^ ^M L '^/J/JJJ.

'^nnn T^n^M^nTBS'

'Tm Chillin' With That East Bay Feeling"

"How are you all down there, good I hope? As for me
rm sitting, in my cell in the belly of the beast aka Tracy
prison, C.D.C. As I sit here in this cell alone on "New
Years" which to me seem like just another day. I read
these pieces of many individuals: Vincent, Brandi, Young
Cato, HK, Drewski, Fireball, Lil' Jamar, and both Beezy
baby's. These are names of several youngstas, as well as
myself that I look forward to readin' in each issue.

There's one thing I've realized out of many pieces
most of these cats keep writing about. How they're
acknowledging how they know they've done wrong, but
what gets me is why do we forget this all when we hit the
streets? As we're sittin' in bookin' waitin' to get processed
we ask our self " what am I doin' back here?"

The same faces, yet it's just a different day, same
program. When the Holidays come around you don't have
the Halloween or Christmas spirit or whatever the holiday
may be it's just another day, for us but it comes with the
Game. It's the rules of the Game that each and every one
of us chose to play. I was once told " How can you hate
something you chose to play?" Don't get mad when you
put your hand over a flame and are burnin' with pain I
constantly ask myself why?"

Why do I continue to play this game if I know where
I'm gonna end up in the long run? That's dead or where
I'm at now. And I come up with the same answer each
time, that is some of us were born in this game and some
of us are just knuckleheads. But it's not the people or the
environment. It's about the lifestyle we love to live. So ask
yourself who's fault is it? Who got you in here? You did,
whether it was yourself or your supposedly "best homie"
ratted you out to "the boys".

Eitiier way it was your fault, that's just how you got
caught. Something I learned out of the times I've been in
Juvenile Hall to Boys Ranches to Group homes County
Jails to Branch to State Prison is that the only real friend
you have or can count on is yourself. Now some of you
may say that your homie's gonna always be there or that
they're true. But how do you really know how far that
person will go till he or she bounces on you? So to you
who say you have a real friend how do you know when
they're truly real? You don't.

Well I'm out for now. I send mines to everyone in each
correctional facility and all my people's from " Fremont"
to "Newark" to "Hayward" to "The Town" to "Sac" I'm out
you know who this be.

Never

Never say I Love you

If you don't really care

Never talk about feelings

If they aren't really there

Never hold my hand

If you are going to break my heart

Never say your going to

If you don't plan to start

Never look into my eyes

If you plan to lie

Never say Hello

If you really mean goodbye

Never say forever
'Cause forever makes me cry

John Tabamantes is writing to u% from a Deui Vocational Institution
in T>acy, Ca. - - - - - -

some pretty good advice for all you youngsters out there. He talks
about his life, and asks a very important question that everyone should
have skn answer for. "Why do you play the game if you know where
you're gonna end up in the long run?" Why do people do the things they
do knowing that they can end up in jail for a long time, or dead? It's
all in the lifestyle you love to live, right? And we all talk about change

we hit the streets. Well listen up to the homie John talk he has a few
good points that y'all should listen to.

Warped And Twisted

Harsh words and violent blows
Hidden secrets that nobody knows

Eyes are open-hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted

So many tricks and so many lies

To many when's and to many why's

Nobody special and nobody gifted

It's just me warped and twisted

Sleepin' awake chokin' on a dream

Listen loudly to a silent scream

Call my mind though unlisted

Last in someone so warped and twisted

On my knees alive but dead

Look at the invisible blood I've bled

I'm not gone my mine just drifted

Don't expect much cause I'm warped and twisted

I'm burnt out, wasted, empty and hallow

Today is just yesterday's tomorrow

The sun has died, ashes shifted

I'm still here warped and twisted.

///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////

^^^5aHI^JHOKIK//^#//////

'MXnH^BL, nf7IIfff7L,'

Untitled

For every name

Permanently etched onto your flesh

Your loyalty to men

Exists but in hell

For every tear drop

And drop of blood

To ever moisten your cold, hard face

I know that you

Will never understand pain

Not mine

Not even your own

I have felt your embrace
And I reject you for it

For you have let me in,

Into your heart
Only to keep me away.
Away from your mind

For every bit of better

You have promised to make me

I still carry this symptom:

I cannot leave you

My sickness

Is that you will not leave me

For all the green

And all the beautiful colors

Sown throughout your gardens

You are a pollution unto this earth

I despise you!

When we read our young Beat writers telling u% that they will
always "be down" for this or that cause, that they will "never"
change, we remind them that change is a certainty in all our lives. The
only question is whether you initiate it or some stranger forces it on
you. Michael Cabral, writing from — and to — his Salinas Valley Prison
Cell, maices the case far better than we in this woric titled "Untitled."
Here, in unflinching and painful poetry, he addresses the reality of the
prison he hates (despite its sometimes seductive embrace), describing
the tattooed walls ^% if examining his own life's scars. And, in a way,
he is.

I despise you for your lies.

For your truths,

I despise you for "Life"

For every secret

You've ever kept for my sake

Certainly you have never listened

Not to my goals

Nor to my needs

Not even to my jokes

All you have ever held

Is what keeps me in sickness

And I despise you for that, too

For every gust of wind

You have shielded me from

I think that maybe

The breeze came to rescue me

Maybe the rain

Which you kept from reaching my head

Fell to wash away my pain...

But you will never understand that

Not in your selfishness

Not in your fear

Of losing me forever.

before I get off this paper I want to give
thayiKs a Md praise to all the HAKD WOKKIN
emploi/ees there at The Beat,

Goodbye

Pure beautiful angel with the face of Mercury

You lift my side many moons ago and still it's hurtin' me

Raindrops, fall out the sky whenever I think of you

Fallin' stars, to many to catch so what was I to do?

I made a wish that never came true I wont do that again

My first mistake was thinking that you could make me a

better man.

Homesick, lost and alone that's what I've become

Alienated here on my own on the third rock from the

sun

Peaces of a broken heart that's what you left with me

I guess it wasn't enough when I gave you galcixies

Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars you wore as jewelry

And still you cried out for more

because you was using me

And still I can't blame you at all for the hand that I was

dealt

I'm locked up for stealing star that sat on Orion's belt

Now there will never be a I and you or a you and I

And the hardest thing I ever had to do was say

goodbye.... Goodbye. Thanks and God bless.

'iT/?nn' SHT uf^c^snn'

wmmmmmimmmmim^

Bron' L... .

Represa, CA. Saying goodbye is a hard thing to do whether to your
freedom, or to your wife, or friend after a visit is over. But saying
goodbye is also the start of a new beginning and a new life. Check out
Bron Shi's piece.

Beat Within

Thanks for my latest issues of The Beat. I'm almost done
with volume 13.10 and I just got'em yesterday. Shout out
to Mikhail welcome back homie and to the young homie
P. Crooks that "Youngin With a Dream Like King's" was
deep. There's a lot more, but those were the two I was
really feeling and can remember off the top of my head.

Before I get off this paper I want to give thanks and
praise to all the HARD WORKIN employees there at
The Beat. It's because of you all we can be heard. And
to new Beat worker, Annie Wong- Good lookin' out on
the volumes and the kind words. But to be real with you
I don't think my ex will ever get to read that poem "in
love". She moved on now and had a baby girl with her now
boyfriend. I wish her the best and pray for her happiness.
So with all that said I now give you part two to that poem,
"In Love".

It seems that we grew Mp so 0cK

and I often miss the past

Sometimes I have to let a tear drip down

mif darK shin if etfes

Because for someone if on realltf love,

If on are never too tongh to crif

And If I was In the same situation,

I Know If on wonid crif for me

read the rest of Kadarls Cook's 3W0 piece on page 59