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Its Another lUfeelC of great Beat writing, and
another great Beat to get off our computers and out into
the world. And the world is demanding more and more.
Last iveek. The Beat ivent to Neiv Mexico at their
invitation, and we were a great hit. For our New Mexico
juvenile hall writers, being in The Beat is a great
accomplishment, and we agree with them, it is a great
accomplishment (one which those who appear in our pages
eyier^ week sometimes take for granted, not realizing what
a great opportunity at self-expression this is).
This week. The Beat has accepted ^n invitation from
the juvenile probation department in the nation's capital,
Washington, D.C. We'll only be there for one day (and we'll
tell you how it went next week), but we'll be doing some
Beat workshops there, ^% we have done in so many places,
and we're sure young writers there will respond with their
best efforts.
(Because we have so few staff this week, this issue of
The Beat is somewhat condensed. There wte no ^^n Jose or
^^nt^ Cruz submissions in this issue, but they will resume
next week. Also, for the second week in a row, there is no
ivriting from Camp ^^ieene^ in Alameda.)
Sometimes, doing this work is hard because we get to
knoiMf our virriters, and ivatching them struggle virith life's
great difficulties hurts, especially when there's nothing we
can do to make things easier for them. But, when we look
around this office and see so many of those same young
people — young men and women well on their way to
becoming responsible adults, but who once struggled in
the halls — it's like getting paid, it let's u% come here eMet^
day and leave with smiles on our faces.
As this editor sits here early in the week typing this,
across the desk from me is a young man who met The Beat
when he was fighting his drug addiction at San Francisco's
Y-Tech. He became their first graduate to work for us, and
he's been here doing his work ever since, in addition to
the work he does for us every week — he leads workshops
in several county lock-ups and does most of the Spanish
translations — he also goes to school, has a family, and
continues to stay out of trouble as he builds a foundation
for a future that does not include jail or prison.
At the next desk, another youngster who once sat in
Beat workshops in San Mateo County. He wanted something
better in his life than the gang activity that led to lock-up
and to gunshot wounds, and asked if there was a spot for
him here. That was five years ago, and he's been doing it
here ever since. He types Beat pieces, prepares the Beat
Without section, prints and folds Beats, and does so many
other tasks on daily basis, it's hard for us to imagine getting
through a week without him at our side.
At the desk behind where this editor sits, another
young man who started as a Beat writer in YGC has taken
on the role of supervising the many interns who come out
of the Beat workshops to work here for several hours a
week. This is no easy job because he has to keep account of
all the units, and who is typing them. When a piece turns
up missing (which happens), he is the one we turn to, and
then he has to shake the place down to locate the missing
piece (usually left on a desk somewhere else in the office
and forgotten about... until he starts searching). He also is
a workshop facilitator.
Across the desk from him sits a young viroman virho has
just come to us from her lock-up, determined to make a
difference in her life and in the Beat's life. She's made our
life easier by the typing she does, but it is what she writes
that is truly inspiring. She has dedicated herself to living a
different life than the one that sent her to the hall, and we
see her keeping that promise every day.
And there are many other examples of Beat interns and
staff that come in at different times during the week, and
many more who have passed through this place on their
way to college, to jobs, to families and to a decent life.
Of course, it's not always smooth sailing. Life remains
a challenge, whether you're committed to change or not.
So, sometimes we see those who are trying their best to
make a difference in their lives paying the price for some
bad decision of the past, or slipping back into old habits
that weren't good for their lives in the past and are still not
good for them now. When that happens, we do what we
can to help them get back on track. Sometimes we can
help; sometimes we can't. When we can't, we feel like
we're part of a family who wants to help a son or daughter
escape a bad situation without success, and it makes us sad.
When we can, we feel like we're doing something good to
help to pay back those who have helped us and themselves
until they slipped.
in the end, like with everything else, it's in their hands
whether they can stay out of the system or not. The Beat
is just an opportunity, a place where they can feel safe
(both in the office and in what is written inside), but the
challenge is up to each individual to take or to ignore. We
can help with questions about work, but once the young
person walks out the office doors, then it's up to him or
to her. it's hard enough for us to monitor our own lives,
and that becomes each person's job, whether they were
ever in the hall or not. Which is another yvay of saying
you who are reading this may one day be sitting at one of
these desks typing Beats, but you will still have to be the
captain of your own lives, the person responsible for your
own choices.
So, as much as we'd like to take credit for those who
come out of the system and pass through The Beat office,
it's not our accomplishment, but theirs that we celebrate.
Whether you ever work with The Beat or not, you'll have
the same need to take advantage of what's offered to you
and face the consequences of your choices. We'd love to
part of those choices, but that's not in our hands, it's in
yours. All we can tell you is that many young people who
— maybe like you — never thought they had a future and
never knew how much they could accomplish, are doing it.
Don't wait too long... You can do it, too!
Our topics this week produced another batch of super
writing, starting with our first topic, "Saying No" — it's
easy to say no to people we don't like or to offers that don't
interest us. But have you ever had to say no to something
you wanted, but knew you shouldn't have, or to someone
you admire and love that was asking you to do something
you kneiMf yvas ivrong? ^Ne're talking about those really
difficult situations, when the only thing you have to back
you up is your character, your integrity, your confidence
in doing yvhat is right — like saying no to a homie ivho
wants you to do something that will get you into trouble,
or saying no to a family member who is up to no good, or
saying no to that temptation you really desire, but know
is wrong. Have you ever summoned the courage and inner
strength it takes to stand up in those situations and say
no? Give us the details — the who, what, where, when and
iMfhy.
Our second topic is always a difficult one to write
about, "Grief" — What have you grieved over? When you
lose someone you love — a family member, a homie, even
a pet — how do you handle the pain? is it a physical thing
inside your body as well as something in your heart and
head? How does loss affect you? Does the pain ever go
away? Does it fade with time? Do you ever completely heal,
or is it a ivound you have forever? Have you found any
effective ways of reducing the grief you feel when it comes?
if so, how would you advise others who are grieving to
help them get beyond it?
Remembering that The Beat is not the place to threaten
revenge, tell us of a time when you experienced grief, and
how it played out in your life.
And last, we asked our writers to tell us the "Best
story ever" — We want you to tell us a story, your best
story! We all have stories. Some are stupid or lame, some
are incredibly courageous, some are fascinating, and others
are absolutely funny. Of course, some are so sad they make
you cry. Maybe one day you think of one story as "the best
ever" and a different day — and a different mood — you
think of another story as "the best ever." We want you to
give it your best shot, and tell us your best story ever. And
tell it right, with details that we can appreciate. }Ne're all
ears...
Those are the topics we presented, but there's more
than just those topics in another first-class issue of this
first-class magazine. There's the hearts of our writers and
the hearts of our staff that keep The Beat moving. We
thank you all.
mam ffff/rr/frs
The Beat Within, a weekly newsletter of writing and art b
incarcerated youth, is published by Pacific News Service.
At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor inappn
sexual remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enough ten:
our commuities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Beat's inte
promote peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one another.
ishes the opinions and views expressed by the participants
lis is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you
ly reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights
are reserved. Nothing 1
To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words havt
consequences, and could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate youi
feelings and viewpoints without running the risk of providing ammunition foi
those who might use your words against you.
Co-founders: Sam
Senior Editors: Da
Assistant Editors: Micl
Graphics/Layout Editor:
Kroll, Omar'
Staff: Brenda D. Navarro, Pauline Craig, Jill Wolfson, Allan Tinker, Patri-
cia Johnson, Amanda Abies, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Brittany Bernard,
Perry Jones, Brenda Navarro, Elizabeth Crawford, Morghan Velez Young,
Siliva Mortenson, Andrew Barba, Estella Cisneros, Allen Huang, Nic Reiner,
Angelica Zabanal, Charles Labanowski, Kolby Hanson, Chelsea Sprick, Akima
Edwards, Justine Palefsky, Laura Vitaro, Alfred Dersidan and Neela Banerjee.
The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department
Beat Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C.,
Lisa Karczewski, M.A. The detention staff are: Tammie Utter, Shannon Lech-
ner, D. Scott Herrmann, Ph.D. Clinical Director.
Bernalillio County Juvenile Detention & Youth Services Center Beat Staff:
Steve Serna
Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week.
Spiritual Advisor: Jac
Special Volunteer: Na
Book Donor: Marisela Norte
Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous sup-
port of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs
- California Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund,
Community Foundation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation
of California, Compton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foun-
dation, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foun-
dation, Marguerite Casey Foundation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris
Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cummings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children
and Youth, Open Society Institute, Peninsula Community Foundation, Phil-
anthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cowell Foundation, San Francisco Arts
Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clement
and Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation,
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben
Sels/Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public Foundation, Wallace Alexan-
der Gerbode Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth Justice Funding
Collaborative, the Zellerbach Family Fund and individual donors.
Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francis-
co, Maricopa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio
County New Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have
any questions or comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to
any questions or commei
become a subscriber, con
503-4170 or check us out
www.thebeatwithin.org
275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415)
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Mi Historia
Mi historia es asi. Recuerdo cuando estaba en Honduras
y alusinaba a todos los que Uegaban de los Estados Unidos
porque yo era un vato pobre y tambien el lugar donde
vivia. Yo decia que algiin dia iba a estar en los Estados
Unidos para que vean que onda.
Cuando no tienes nada, todos te humillan, y se pasan
contigo. Recuerdo que algunas veces yo iba a otras casas
a ver la television o a dar un vuelta y me decia que me
fuera. Yo me sentia bien triste y me daban ganas de Uorar.
Yo decia, "a la mierda con todo esto. Algiin dia voy a estar
mejor que ellos." Mi vida ha sido asi. Era un vato que
me valia madre. Me iba con mis homies a beber y fumar
mota.
Mi mama me decia, "mijo no hagas eso." Yo no tube
a un pinche padre para que me mandara porque mi padre
me negaba. Cuando mi madre me Uebaba a la casa de el,
el decia, "este muchacho no es hijo mio. Mi madre se
ponia a llorar. Yo decia, "deseara estar grande para darle
una palisa."
Yo decidi venirme a los Estados Unidos aiin sabiendo
que no iba a ser algo facil. Yo dije, "a la madre con esto,
yo me voy para la USA. Ahora estoy aca. Me ha ido bien
nomas que ahora estoy en la carcel. Tengo fe que pronto
voy a salir de aqui para hacer lo que quiero. Esto si Dios
me ayuda. Esta es mi historia.
From The Beat: Sola date cuenta de la cosas que ^sk%sk%te% cuando eras
pequeno. Ahora '^sk eres mayor y tienes que pensar como unsk persona
adulta. Vsk%sk%te% por muchas humillasiones para que hayas llegado a
terminar en este lugar. Tienes a tu madre viva, la quien ha sido padre y
madre el mismo tiempo. Deberia de tener eso en consideracion cada vez
que pienses en la loquera o en vender algo. No dejes que solo porque
to tubistes unsk gia de padre, que arruine tu vida. Tii madre se merece
mucho mas que eso! Ella te necesita mucho, no le dejes abajo.
My Story
My story goes like this. I remember when I was in
Honduras, I would envy all those who would come back
to Honduras from the US because I was a poor guy so as
the town I live in. I would say to myself that one day I was
going to be in the US.
When you don't have nothing, everybody wants to
humiliate you and punk you up. I remember I would go
to my neirborhood's houses to watch TV and they would
ask me to leave. I would feel very sad and made me cry. I
would say, "the hell this, someday Fm going to be a in a
better shape than them." My life has been like this. I was
a guy who didn't care about anything. I would just go with
my homies to drink and smoke.
My mom would say to me, "don't do that." I didn't have
a father who would guide me because he didn't recognize
I was his son. When my mom would take me to his house,
he would deny me by saying, "this is not a son of mine."
My mom would cry. I would say, "I wish I was bigger to
kick his ass."
I decided to come to the US even though I did know it
was very hard to do. I said, "the hell with this, I'm going
to the US." Now I am here. Things have gone well for me,
but the thing is that I am here. I have faith that soon I will
get out from here to do what I want to do, if God help me.
This is my story.
-Luis, San Francisco
From The Beat: Just realize the things you've gone through since very
young. Now, you are older and you need to start thinking like stn adult.
You went though a lot of humiliation in your life to end up in this place.
You still have your mother alive who have been a mother and a father in
one. You should have that sk% consideration every time you think about
drinking, getting high or selling drugs. Don't ruin your life because you
didn't have the guidance of a father. You and your mother deserves more
than this. She needs you so much, don't let her down.
I Should've Said No
I should've said no to cigarettes that led to smoking
weed
I should've said no to drinking that led to losing my
virginity
I should've said no to slangin' and went and got a job
I should've said no to bangin' and gave my life to God
I should've said no to ditching that led to dropping out
I should've said no and listened and made my momma
proud
I should've said no I don't steal I know it's not right
I should've said no I don't pop pill's they'll mess up my
mind
I should've said no to running away and stayed with my
mom
I should've said no to leaving the bay here's not where I
belong
I should've said no to committing a crime now I'm in jail
Now I'm doing do'in time I should've knew they would
tell
I should've said no to running from that treatment
center
I should've know it would've made my life worse not
better
To a whole lot of things I should've said no
But I think sayin' yes help me know to say no
- Da Bay Girl, Land Of Enchantment
From the Beat: It's hard to believe that one simple word could have
made such stn impact on skn^ one person's life. Now that you know about
all the things you should have said no to, it's time to say yes to all the
good that could be in your life.
Saying No and Saying Yes
I remember when I had to say no to school, but I said
yes to smoke and drink I said no not to clean my room,
but I said yes to gangbanging. I said no to listening to my
mom, but I said yes to disrespect my mom. I said no to
stay home, but I said yes to be in the system by the things
I did. Only if I said no to all the bad things I wonder where
I be?
-Grimy, San Francisco
From The Beat: Wondering about the past is the beginning of thinking
about the future. This is a fine piece of self-examination, and it will
be even finer if that leads to different conclusions about the things
you want to achieve in life, and the way you want to achieve them. It's
pretty obvious that you know where one road leads, so we're hoping
that knowledge will take you down a different road that leads away
from where you are. Then we wonder where you'll be...
InLnvlnoMemnriesTn...
I wasted it all just to watch you grow into a fiend
Supported your addiction I regret doin' but I hope you're free
With no more struggles that you got to go through
In the middle of the night crying at my window
For another sack just to get high
Off that crack Nakisha why'd you have to die
I remember I shed a tear when my PO said
I couldn't go to your funeral when you were laying dead
Safe and sound surrounded by friends and family
My respect is shown to Shawn and Kapoloni
Who always showed their love.
-Crazy, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Wow. You managed to say more about your love than we
knew was possible for skn^one to do. You can regret specifics, but you're
right to never regret that kind of love. We wish you the best sk% you and
everyone around you recover from this loss. RIP to your loved ones.
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My heart still beats!
All the days of my life I seen people get hurt
I was a very young teen trying to sell/ work
My Mama getting pimped treated like dirt
150 dollar she'll take off her skirt
My big brother died in a fatal car crash,
He was supposed to be a Laker, I was supposed to be a
Dolphin
Now the only memory I have is seeing him in a coffin
I never really had a home so I turned to the streets
I started selling drugs screaming forget the police
Poured some liquor on the curb saying RIP
I had nobody in this world, nobody but me
I remember when I slept on a park bench
Police caught me smoking so I hid in a ditch
My grandma taken medicine so she can live
My aunt is 24 but got four kids
My grandpa is 62, and never meet his real mother
His daughter 16 with a thrity-two-year-old lover
All Fm trying to say is I've been through struggles
Hurt to the point of carrying a gun, but
Left it down on the ground kept in mind it could have
been worse
I could have lost my life at birth lived on the streets with
out cash
But here I am refusing to accept defeat
I'm locked up in jail now but my heart still beats.
-Reggie, Land Of Enchantmentr
From The Beat: You have not had stn easy life thus far, we acknowledge,
but from what you know and who you are, this should not stop you from
bettering your life! Step up today and make this the moment where you
begin to taice charge in bettering your life and living free of the system!
You can do it Reggie!! We appreciate the piece, and the courage you had
to read this to the whole facility, particularly your peers! Stay in touch!
Grieving
I'm grieving every day but the person I grieve for is still
alive, but is dying every day and it's the hardest thing
watching you own dad dying a little every day.
Now that I'm locked up it's like a hundred times worse,
because I can't even see him and hug him every day.
I'm gonna do a year, and I know there won't be a
second that goes by that I won't think about him. It hurts
so badly because my dad don't have a lot of people that
are there every day for him.
When I'm out before I leave the house I make him food,
tell him I love him, and always come back to him. With
him still alive is what's gonna get me through my time
because I know I will be laying with him again watching
"Law and Order." We will forget about every thing bad in
my life, because my dad is the best thing in my life.
- Jonathan, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: We at the Beat are sorry to hear about your father, keep
u% posted on how he is doing. He will be in our thoughts and prayers
for better health.
Sayino No
One day I was with my boyfriend and his friends and
my friends and we were hang out and it was late. They
were smoking and they asked me if I wanted to smoke. I
said now, and they said "just smoke, come on", and my
boyfriend was like, "hit the weed". I said no because I
don't like to smoke, and they just kept sayin' "smoke one
time, just for us please?" and I kept saying hell naaw.
That night they were mad. But so what, I didn't care.
-Shaney, Alameda
From The Beat: Shaney, this is a great story about resisting peer pressure
and saying no. Good for you!
Listen!
This Drew, back up in here once again. Today I been
thinking about how people don't pay attention. When I
was up in here during the Beat, my ninja "P" was talking
about some real life shhh, and it seemed like none of
these ninjas was paying attention. That's why so many
people come up in here, 'cause they don't pay attention
to what people be talking 'bout.
I can't say I was never like that before, but all that was
in the past. Now I be listening to everything people got to
say. My mans came up here speaking the truth and you
could tell some of these people be up in here not knowing
shhh.
Some of these ninjas be talking about some clown-ass
shhh, but don't ever take the time out to listen to some
real shhh. I'm just sayin', take time out and listen to what
people got to say instead of running your mouth and not
even soaking up none of the game that some of these
ninjas that been through this shhh is trying to provide.
I'm just sayin', though, that's real. You have to open
your mind, but at the same time open your ears.
-Drew, San Francisco
From The Beat: What we love about this piece is that you are listening
to what others have to zsky. We agree with you: too many people (young
and old) think they already know everything they need to know, and
don't need to learn what others have learned the hard way. What we
hate about this piece is that you are here, again! Is this the last time? If
you're really listening, the answer will be, "Yes!"
Cryin' Tears
Momma cryin' tears
Daddy not hear
That crazy life to me is real
Clear
And never showing fear
Pray for me till I go
To mother Guadelupe for better days for me bro
Writin' my thoughts in The Beat
Sheddin' blood, sweat an' tears every week
Too many fallen casualties and blood flowing on
concrete
Bloom like a rose, but my life is part of the thorns
My heart no longer feels emotion...
They were badly ripped out an' torn
The devil say I'm goin down to him
'Cause I live the life of sin
Too many dark days and nightmares that I hold within
My bloody life I live through
Scars and tattoos
Kinda of quiet, kinda of rude
But what can this cholo do
Mi nombre is Gangsta Shadow so that's why I accept
darkness
Might end up six feet 'cause I'm a walking target
Cuete to my dome, I yell out I'll rest in peace
Tears from my homies and family and they watch my
blood leak
-G Shadow, San Francisco
From The Beat: We wish we could protect you, GS, from your "enemies,"
from the streets, from your own past, and from yourself. There have
been many young men that have come through these workshops who
want to write their stories sk% books, but who don't really have the
skills — or the patience — that it takes to do the hard work of writing,
of editing, of thinking. You have those skills, and yours would be a
book we would read. So, find the time (and the self-protection) to give
u% what we want. Your experiences, how you analyze them and draw
conclusions from them, could benefit a whole lot of people, turning
you from Gangsta Shadow into a true teacher. We will miss you. (We
could not end this piece with your RIP. You are too alive in our hearts
for that.)
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He Is A Him— Who Is I?
Who is he?
Is he him? Or is he I?
He is a 17-year-old guy
He is 17, going on to 18 in the halls
He is locked up in the box of four block walls
He is a him who remembers lots of memories
He remembers when he first started smoking trees
His first experience was in a car in Santa Venetia
Rolling in the streets
Hot boxing and bumping (our group's) beats
He remembers when he first got arrested
For possession of a deadly weapon
It wasn't dark yet—there was still sun
He didn't try to run
He got one of his first felonies
He was trying to put it down with the homies
Kicking it with the OGs
Sipping on the 40s
He remembers trying crystal meth for the first
He is a him who liked it, but it was the worst
He was drunk and tired
But after he hit the glass crystal pipe
He got wired
He is a him who remembers getting his second felony
For assault with a deadly weapon
He heard the sirens, so he tried to run
He is a him who remembers getting his first tatt
He got the tatt on his back
He was on the bracelet when he got that
He is a him who remembers drinking every day
From Coronas, Mickey's, OEs, 211s, to hard alcohol
Kicking it at the park with a homie
It was bright and sunny
He is a him who remembers having to keep trucha
(strong) for other gangbangers
He hung with drug addicts and slangers
He has a lot more memories
He remembers when he was younger
'Til this day, sometimes people say
He looks like a youngster
This he that's a him is now a gangster
He remembers when he didn't have to worry 'bout
another gang
But now he goes to people and ask what they bang
He remembers when he was a sober little boy
He used to play with a gun toy
His mother used to always yell at him
"Ya metate" (get in), and he would yell, "Okay, ya voy."
(I'm coming)
He remembers when he didn't have any worries 'bout
gangs or drugs
He played in the dirt, stepping on worms and slugs
But now every time this him walks in the streets
He gives mean mugs
Who is this he or him?
He or him is I
-Shy Boy, Marin
From The Beat: You've written a real but sad poem about how you've
evolved so far, but the insights in your poem show that now you've
grown into this gangster, it hasn't made you very happy, if not, do
think you can maneuver your life around so you won't have to represent
sknyone else but yourself and you won't have to care who anybody else
represents? How would it be to walk the streets and forget having to
mean mug anybody else and even be able to smile at strangers?
Drugs Make You Dumb
If you are a kid that is less then 18, and you are thinking
about doing drugs, you shouldn't. Doing drugs is one of
the most dumbest things you can do in your life. The only
reason drugs are used is to fit in, but people who use
drugs all the time will end up being dumb. Even if you
don't think it's true, but it is.
Even people who are having a hard time as being a
teen shouldn't turn to doing drugs because, in the long
run, it would affect you majorly.
-Reese, San Francisco
From The Beat: We totally agree with you, Reese. We've %een too many
smart young people hurt their lives for years and years because they
thought they could control their drug habits. But in the end, their
drug habits controlled them. In fact, we think your advice is not just
for teens, but for anyone who messes up their minds and bodies with
chemical cocktails.
A Little Dit About Me
By the time I was in my mid teens I had been in many
programs, and had been on probation three times. I blew
out of most of these, and did my own thing. Sometimes
I was required to go to school and be compliant, but
usually I hung out, got high, and lived the street life.
Street life has an addictive quality all of it's own. No
one is there to tell you what to do. Drugs are everywhere
and other kids become like brothers and sisters.
Once you are caught up into that way of life it's
hard to pull away from it. Many times the state of New
Mexico stepped in and said I was having way too much
fun, and needed a little more structure. I disagreed and
this basic difference in opinion resulted in my numerous
incarcerations. Three to thirty days was the normal length
of my stay; between these visits I would try to do good.
The last time I even got my GED and had a good job,
but like all the other times I ended up back on the streets.
I was caught; I always got caught, and was hauled back to
jail.
-Julian, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: Now that you know the way of life you were living will
only get you back in jail, maybe it's time to change and live a life off the
streets and away from crime and drugs. You have one of two choices live
the good life or go back to the street life.
Grandpa Genu
Something I grieved dearly over was the loss of my
grandfather. He was the closet person I had in life except
for my mother. My grandpa got cancer and fell real sick.
He didn't want a funeral, he just wanted to be cremated
and have his ashes tossed in the Bay.
His last wish was to watch the 49ers beat the Packers
at Candlestick. Sad to say, he died the day they were gonna
play. But with me loving my grandfather so much, when
he died, we kept him in his room. I locked the door and
put my grandfather in an upward position. I sat through
the whole game with my dead grandfather, and some
place, somewhere , someone answered my grandfather's
wish 'cause in 2004 at Candlestick that night the Niners
won that game.
The loss of my grandfather was too much to bear, and
from that day on, I haven't believed there's a god.
-Fed-up Gloss, San Francisco
From The Beat: This is one of the most moving tributes we've ever read.
Of course, death is the natural end for u% all, so it is not so much your
grandfather's passing, but the effect it's had on you that we feel so
strongly. We can't imagine what you were feeling sk% you sat next to him
in that locked room watching the Niners beat the Packers. Can we ask
you if your loss of faith in the existence of god has changed anything
about how you live your life?
/EZ=2
jpi/ifimm^^wMB/ jy / ' #///
///////#/////,/// ////#///,//
Losing My Grandma
I lost my grandma-slash-mom a couple weeks ago.
I lived with her 15 of my 17 years of age. I called her
mom and called my mother by her name. Anyways one
thing that made me feel so bad is I don't cry or nothing
and that made me feel awkward... but later I found out
that it probably didn't hit me yet because I'm in jail.
-Lil' Dj, Alameda
From The Beat: Grief is a funn^ thing - it happens at its own pace.
You've been going through the pain of this loss in different ways since
it happened, right? Writing about it, feeiin' it, getting angry, taiicing
about it... this is all part of how we cope with loss. But we bet your
grandma would be really proud if she could see how much love you
show her, and how much respect.
Takin' One For The Team
The day my brotha died was
the worst day of my life
seeing my brother in the casket killed me inside
I was never the same
And never will be the same again
I wish I could have took his take his place
In that casket but either way my dad
Would have lost a son but sometimes
You gotta take one for the team
I changed sometimes I think I probably wouldn't
Be in this situation if I hadn't lost him
Losing him made me say screw the world
But even though killin' happens so much
You would think it ain't a thang... but it ain't
That's my brother!
Wendell Stevenson I miss you big bra and I
Know you missin' me Rest in Peace
-Jamil, Alameda
From The Beat: You know, sk% tragic sk% it is that you lost your brother, it
would be even more tragic if you DID think "It ain't a thang", because
there's one thing worse than a broken heart: A person that has no
heart left. From all you've written and shared, we know that will never
happen to you.
Nnthing Bnt Pain
Growing up mayne, it was nothing but pain.
When I first opened my eyes
I was caught up in the game.
As a kid I had a pet mouse.
'Cause moms was an addict and she never cleaned the
house. Slowly but surly I was heading down a route as a
bad kid.
But that nothing compared to what dad did.
He would leave to the bars late night and just have a
drink.
Moms was too drunk so she couldn't really think.
Pops was a liar and a cheater
on top of that he was a wife and kid beater.
Growing up I met some partners wit' the same pain that
I felt.
But they weren't on the side of my dad's belt.
So I couldn't run to them for help.
And I couldn't leave my brothers.
And I couldn't leave my mother.
Even though she was drunk I still had to love her.
So I took force.
And started robbing people with no remorse.
Later mom and pops had a divorce.
Which set my course.
And that's bound to the block for life.
-Chris, Alameda
From The Beat: Of all the terrible things you describe in this incredible
poem, the most tragic is the last two lines, where you talk sk% if there's
no way to change your future. Go back over your own words and read
hoiAf much skill and insight went into the rhymes you write. Are those
the words of a person doomed to the jailhouse or the cemetery? No
way - you have way too much intelligence, and awareness to be a victim
of the block. Just the opposite, you could be the sort of leader who
helps young people in your position find ways of using their talents in
a positive way. But first Chris, you have to %xyie yourself. How are you
going to do that?
Best Stnrir Ever
This my best story ever.
It's about making myself better.
Me bein' me, yeah everybody see!
But what else can I be.
I know what I see.
Me runnin' the streets doin' what I'm not 'posed to do!
Runnin' behind my friends sayin', "I wanna go too."
I know I was wrong; I know I should've been home!
But naw, not me! I was out late night
Comin' in the house three and four in the morning high
is a kite!
"I told you, stop comin' in my house so late!"
" Mom, I was with my friends. We was on a double date!
I'm sorry. Mom," that's what I'll say!
But yet, the next day I make the same mistake!
It took me a while to ask myself how!
Putting my mama down, I had to make a big turn around.
Well, that's what I said. Yet, take a look at me now!
But it's cool. When I touch down I'ma go to school. I
promise! Yeah, it's me Kia, I'ma do this!
-Kia, San Francisco
From The Beat: If you keep the promise you make in this fine poem, it
will be the best story ever. It's important to do this for your mom, of
course. But it^ even more important for you to do it for yourself. School
is the key to the life you want to live. Don't hand over another day of
your freedom to these cages!
Living My Life Parf 2
Imagine how some pills
Will make you feel ready to kill for any will
Not even for a cause just to do it
Don't that make you ruthless
Robbing and selling dope that's how it go
I don't know about u but that's all I know
Like I told y'all the first time living my life ain't easy as
you think it is
Some times your water get turned out your family
struggles but that's ok
I tell my momma some day we gone make it out the
hood
But I'm just a paper chaser
So some nights I stay out trying to get money
But momma I'm sorry tliat I worry you the way I do
Doing things I know I shouldn't do
Living life like there's no tomorrow
Showing no sympathy
What's gotten into me
Some times I be wishing God won't wake me up the next
morning
Some people tell me I'm crazy but that's just how it be
That's all I gotta say holla at y'all next week.
-Lil' Damani, Alameda
From The Beat: Why do you feel like it has to be that way? Cause in
reality it doesn't have to be that way. You make your life the way you
want to make it. Of course we can understand if you're living in poverty
but there's several ways out. There's several ways to get money without
selling drugs, or taking chances with your freedom. If you take the
quick route, you'll quickly come back to jail. And you won't be living
at home you would be living in a cell, without any kind of hustle and
no funds.
/EZ=2
jpi/ifimm^^wMB/ jy / ' #///
///////#/////,/// ////#///,//
/////
Grief
When my uncle died, I grieved for months. So this is the
story:
I'm at school waitin' for my mom to come and pick
me up, and she told me that we needed to pick up my
younger cousins. So we in the car, and we pull up to my
grandma's house and we see hella recognizable cars. So
we walk into the house and we see my grandma sittin' in
the chair crying. All the adults came into the living room,
and my grandma stops crying. She tells us that my uncle
drowned in Lake Berryesa trying to retrieve his boat that
got lost in the current.
After I heard that my uncle drowned, I walked out
of the house and broke down. So we got home and all I
did was go into my room and cried. So, when the funeral
came around, everybody just cried the whole time. My
cousin got up to speak upon my uncle, and he couldn't
even finish because he broke down and started crying.
Even now, I still think about my uncle. The pain will
never go away. I loved my uncle to death. When grief
comes, I just listen to music and cry myself to sleep.
-KNHWJ, San Francisco
From The Beat: Thank you for writing so beautifully about your uncle's
passing, and the pain you still feel whenever you think about him. It
reminds u% that not all the RIPs we read are related to violence and
street wars. We like your method of dealing with your pain, which is
to listen to music and to cry. We know you will always feel some pain
when you think of your uncle, but we also knoiw that time will help to
make the pain bearable. We hope you find a way to keep yourself free
and to live a long life so that you can pass the memory of your uncle on
to the next generation.
The New Joann
Well, I'm back up in here Beat, and I'm stressin' hella
much. I'm here for a warrant, and its my 6TH time here.
I haven't caught no new case in two years, though, and
I'm not gone be here for that long. But being here, period,
is stressful.
I have a warrant because I got terminated from this
one transitional home, and I've been on the run since. I
should be getting out soon to go to another transitional
home, and this time I'm stayin'. I'ma do my best to not
get kicked out.
It's about that time, and partying and having fun
needs to stop. I'm 17 now and in no time soon I'ma be 18.
Once I hit 18, I'm on my own and I'd rather get my shhh
together now before I become an adult and use everything
the system is offering to make my life better.
I finally realized that I'm too talented and smart to
just throw my life away. I want to be something — not that
I ain't now — but I wanna finish school, become a lawyer,
and start a family with my boyfriend Rob. This childish
shhh, running them streets, sellin' these drugs, and doin'
it ain't makin' my life better, but makin' it worse. It also is
makin' it harder for me to achieve my goals and is keeping
me away from who I love.
From this day on I'm a new Joann. I mean it too.
Because I'm changing because I want to change. I'm
changing for me and my future.
I'm out Beat! Y'all will be seeing me when I get out
because I'ma come visit and, plus, I need a JOB!
-Joann, San Francisco
From The Beat: Wow, Girl, this is one of the most inspiring pieces we've
read in a long, long time — your own Declaration of Independence from
a life that you don't want and isn't getting you anywhere. And we know
you mean it because you're now sitting at a desk right here at The Beat
doing what you said you were going to do. Oh yes, indeed, you are
much too smart and much too talented to be taking orders from a bunch
of strangers who can't possibly appreciate just what you have to offer.
Yes, finish school (and finish with the life that leads you to lock up),
and you can achieve anything you set your mind to — lawyer, doctor.
President! This is a great piece, and it gives us great pleasure knowing
that you're now working at The Beat!
Saying No
I need to say no to getting in trouble, because every time
I say yes I end up getting caught by the police. And then I
get locked up. I don't like going through this, and putting
my family under stress.
I been locked up for nine months. It was the worst
time of my life. I just think back what I should do. I should
stop and think before I do anything. I miss my family so
much. I cry most of the time tiiat I am in here.
I would say no to drugs, gangs and violence. It all
leads up to jail where you can't see your family. You are
told what to do and when to do it. I want to get a job and
earn money the right way and be with my family again.
-Lil' Jon, San Francisco
From The Beat: When you lose your freedom and are taken away from the
family that you love, and that loves you, then crying is skn appropriate
response. We admire your courage for saying so, because most boys
in your situation also cry, they just don't admit it. So we can see that
you have a strength to be honest with yourself, and that strength is
something to u%e for your future. When you walk out of here, cut this
piece out and tape it to your bedroom wall so that you will never forget
how you felt, and never give in to the many temptations that will come
your way. If you follow your own fine advice and keep the promises you
make in this piece, your life will change for the better.
Hard To Say No
Some people find it easy to say no, but also to some
people, it can be very hard to say no. Some people are
accustomed to doing what's right, so saying no is very
normal. But some people's mind mentality is very weak.
Plus the amount of peer pressure adds on to the weak-
minded so they fall into the trap with their peers.
But the fact is that the weak-minded need to find a
way to boost your mentality so you can find a way to do
the right thing or you'll end up in here like me!
I'm ghost, ya heard. (This betta be in piece of the
week.)
-Yung Skippah, San Francisco
From The Beat: We think you've put your finger on something very
important, which is that different people grow up with different
realities. As children, we all follow the models we see around u%, and
that means when our models are doing "bad" then we tend to follow
them, and when our models are doing "good," we tend to follow those
models. But, because there are consequences for everything, we all have
to pay the price for our actions. (Of course this is a piece of the week
because you thought about the topic and wrote seriously.)
i^i^r^
7 nn
My Loss
\
When my homeboy died I was really sad because we was
kicking it with him that same day.
Everything was fine until I went home. He left to go
and kick it with his boy then something bad happen to
me after people came there and shot at him. Six bullets
came thru his back and he dropped but they didn't stop.
They got out of the car and shot him three more times in
the face.
When I heard about that I was really sad because I was
with him that same day and we were just talking about
what we was about to do with our tree.
I was really sad when that happen, so I went out and
did bad things to cope over his death. But I knew I did
wrong and at his funeral I wanted to change because I
didn't want to get shot at and killed at a young age. My
partner was only 17 and he will always be remembered.
RIP White Joe
-Lil' Tn, Alameda
From The Beat: It^ unfortunate that you had to lose a friend in such a
horrible way. Sometimes it is those closes to u% that we are forced to
learn from their mistakes. We are blessed that you have matured from
such a troubling encounter.
Baby Mama
Being a "baby mama", and having a "baby daddy" is so
overrated. All of these young "adults" go around talking
about 'my baby mama this and my baby daddy that'. But
half of them don't know anything about those few words.
I am someone's baby mama and trust me it ain't
anything special. And I got a baby daddy, and he ain't
anything special. I was 15 and pregnant, he was 23. I am
now almost 18 and he is almost 26. My daughter is almost
2. He doesn't do anything for my daughter. My baby daddy
ain't nothing but a broken down wannabe "pimp".
And he thinks that since I'm the baby mama he can
get anything he wants from me. He is always saying "yo
my baby mama, so why can't I get some of that cream?"
or "you're my baby mama so you should always have my
back."
-The King's Wife, Alameda
From the Beat: He sounds like a piece of work. At least he's not your
boyfriend or husband, that would likely be even worse. What^ important
now is your future and your daughter^ future. Focus on that. Thanks
for being real about baby mamas and baby daddies.
^
M) Pail
X
My grandma Frankie has just past away on the nineteenth
of March of 2008. Her death hasn't hit me yet, 'cause
there so much going on during this period in my life.
The day after I found out my grandma past I got
arrested and taken to Juvenile Hall. Everything was
happening at once. My court date was on my birthday
March 24, 2008; I got detained on that day, that didn't feel
good. It was the worst present I ever got.
After enduring all that, my grandma was still gone.
I hadn't seen my grandma in like five months or talked
to her. And getting that phone call from my dad that my
grandma was dead made me feel bad that I hadn't made an
effort to talk to her or see her. Those chances are gone
now. And being in Juvenile Hall made it all worse. My dad
the son of my grandma was coming up to my pretrial.
-Romero, Alameda
From The Beat: No one knoivs what tomorroiv brings. It kind of creeps
up on you. The most important thing in life is life itself. The fact of
the matter you're still here is your daily reward and gift from a higher
power. There are going to be obstacles in this life in the pursuit of your
advancement what determines your fate is how you react to it.
1 I
1 I
U
le Said "Well Eel leadj"
\
It's hard to say no sometimes because I remember one
time back when I was 12 I was with my friend and she
wanted to go to her boyfriend's house.
I couldn't say no because she was my best friend so
I went with her and she didn't tell me her boyfriend's
brother was going to be there.
So I will admit he was cute but I just wasn't ready to
do what all my friends were doing. She told me to go in the
room with him. I didn't want to, but I did 'cause I didn't
know what my friends would think of me if I didn't.
So I went in the room, and he was like "You ready?" I
said "No."
"Well," he said, "Get ready."
I said "No," but he kept talking to me saying it's going
to be ok and my friend came in and said go head girl don't
be scared, so I said ok... and next thing you know the
"yadidamaean" happened.
It was really hard for me to say no.
-Ericka, Alameda
From The Beat: Thanks for sharing this story, Ericka. We're sorry that
your "friend" put you in this situation. TWelve years old is way too
young to be alone with a group of young people who don't know how
to show respect, and we can see how it would have been hard to say no
with that kind of pressure all around you. You deserved better treatment I
then, and you deserve better treatment now! I
,,, /^^ hahif's mom acciden-
tallif gets shot and loses
mif child. 1
1
1
Just Say No
Put down that
Blunt. You know you got court.
Just say no!
Put down the glock
25 to life it aint worth it.
Just say no!
See the keys in that whip? You know you going to get
blurped.
Just say no!
If you know you gonna get caught up...
Just say no!!!
-David, Alameda
From The Beat: it% obvious! You couldn't ssKy "no." Right?
Some Things In Life Are Hard To Get Over
I been going through pain since my closest goon got
killed. If only that bullet would've never went through,
my young goon would still be getting on beanies.
Then, before I can try to get over that, my baby's mom
accidentally gets shot and loses my child. Then I go down
for the gun being mine. So now a ninja really hot.
Now my little teenage brother tryna be wit' it, and
to make it worse, I might not get out no time soon. But
things are hard yo get over.
-TP, San Francisco
From The Beat: These things would be hard for stnyone to get over. One
thing you should icnow, though, and that is that if you had been stn
adult and the gun you should not have had killed someone, they could
charge you with murder, and you could be facing the death penalty! This
won't help you with your grief (we don't Icnow how to help you with
that), but it will give you something to think about.
t
i^MTc
7 nn
//// //
Cuando Era Pequeiio
Cuando yo era pequefio, me lebantaban a las cinco a
traer un caballo, despues me mandaban a darles agua a
las vacas. Despues me llebaban a trabajar. Yo trabajaba
sembrando maiz y en las tardes me iba para el campo.
En el campo nos poniamnos a jugar soccer con mis
amigos. Despues de jugar, me bafiaba y me iba a ver a las
nenas. En la noche me iba a jugar billar.
Cuando tenia 10 afios, me vine para los EEUU, estuve
22 dias en camino para llegar aca. Me acuerdo el hambre
que aguantaba. Cuando Uovia, aguantaba frio. Donde
llegaba la noche, dormia. Cuando ya no teniamos dinero,
le tenia que pedir a la gente y veces me daban y aveces
no. Una vez, estabamos esperando el tren en la tardes, y
llegaron unos vatos y nos robaron con armas. Me quitaron
los zapatos, la faja, la feria y la chamarra.
Me acuerdo cuando venia descalzo y me toco pedir
zapato porque me dolian los pieces. Traia zapatos, pero me
asaltaron. Luego llegamos a la frontera, tome al coyote y
pasamos dos dias y dos noches dormiendo en el decierto.
Desde ahi, Uegue a Fitness, Arizona. Me tenian castigado
porque trate de escaparme y a los 7 dias me llegaron a
recoger mi familia. Ahi, me dieron trabajo desde los 10
afios. Trabaje en pintura.
From The Beat: Se nota que ^sk%sk%te% por muchas cosas en tu trajecto hacia
aca. Lo bueno de todo esto fue que lograstes venir aca, pero no te sirvio
de mucho. Tienes que buscar la forma de tomar en cuenta las cosas que
se te hicieron dificil de obtener. Hay otros que no lograron hacerlo como
tu lo hicistes. Si MSk% a luchar por algo, hazlo pero tambien mantenlo.
When I Was Younoer
When I was younger, I would get up at 5 in morning to pick
up a horse and feed cows with water. Later, I would go to
work. I used to work planting corn and in the afternoon, I
would go to the camp.
In campo, we would play soccer with my friends. After
playing, I would take a shower and then go see the girls.
At night, I would go play billiard.
When I was 10 years old, I came to the US, and I
spent 22 days on the road coming here. I remember when
I suffer from hunger. When it rained, I suffered from
coldness. When the night would hit, I'll stay and sleep.
When we didn't have money, I would ask the people. And
sometimes they would give me and sometimes they won't.
One time, we were waiting for the train at night, and a few
guys came over with guns. They took my shoes, my belt
and my jacket.
I remember that when I came without shoes, I had
to ask for shoes because my feet started to hurt. Later,
we ended up in the border; I met the Coyote, and spend
two days and nights in the desert. Then, I ended up in
Fitness, Arizona. They had me punished because I tried
to run away from the Coyote. My family came to pick me
up. And there, I worked as the age of 10. I worked as a
painter.
-Juan San Francisco
it's noticeable that you went through a lot to come here. Good things
about this is that you made it, but not for long. You need to find a way
to take care of the things that were hard for you to get. There are others
who didn't make it sk% far sk% you did. If you are going to fight hard for
something, do it, but also keep it.
When I was 10 if ears old, I cawe to
the 14 B, aHdlspeHt 22 daifs oh the
road com/ft^ here.
1 1
ii
Cold Eyes
\
Now I done shed a few tears through these bloodshot eyes
My minds playin tricks it's like the devil in disguise
Tryin' to get on and move forward in my life
Now who the hell said a real g don't cry
Hugging on my son through this thick glass
Tryin' to do some good but I'm feeling like I'm trapped
Thinking 'bout a casket while I'm laying on my back
Feeling like I'm headed towards Quentin and that's that
We all getting wrapped up in this ruthless lil' game
Thinking that we playin' but we the ones that's getting played
By this cold hearted system
They thinking I'm a suspect but I really feel like a victim
But screw it I'm gonna brush it off my shoulder
'Cause what don't kill me can only make me stronger
Feelin' sorry for myself no longer
Still gon' be me through this thick and this thin
Put it down for my homies and my kin
I gets it how I live they call me Noey
Posted on the block wit a short pack of 'pots
Or posted on the porch with them flamed up homies
Blowin' on this purple while we sippin' on them 40's
Thinking 'bout the days we was running from the police
Now I'm solo on this watch
Posted on the block
Running from them boys with them bundles in my socks
If I see an enemy it's in my nature to get 'em
So I stay on my toes it's just how I be living
I don't be slappin' females but I swear I be pimping
So I'm gonna set it off on this last lil' note
Reppin' for my baby you know who you can toast
-Lil Noey
From The Beat: You got an angel in yo' song and a devil on yo' shoulda/
with every act of violence this world it gets colda/if you have a talent
for rhymes that mesmerize/and a baby looking up in a daddy's eyes/why
waste it on this life that^ no life at all/it's yo' choice: You stand on your
own true feet - or fall.
Modern-Day Slavery
What's up with The Beat? This that ninja Mike writing again
this week. I ain't feeling none of these topics this week, so
I'ma come of the head with something. I'm go write about
once you get caught up in the system,
Man, once you get caught up, it's ugly. This shhh is
modern-day slavery. Uncle Sam is our masters. He just
holdin' us here waiting for the next highest bidder (group
homes) to buy and come get us.
They treat us like damn animals once they get us. So we
do the same thing Harriet Tubman did, which is run. That's
all I got to say this week.
-Mike, San Francisco
From The Beat: There are many similarities between how the slaves iwere
treated and how you are treated once you're in these cages. But there are
also many differences which you need to acknowledge. For one thing,
you're here for something you did, and not for something you are. You
weren't born into the system, you made some choices that put you here.
As for Harriet Tiibman, she risiced her life to end slavery and better the
lives of all black people in this country. That makes her a hero. What
have you done or do you plan to do that is heroic? We would like you to
spell that out for us, because heroes are exactly what% needed.
I I I I I I I I I I
My Gift
I wake up and realize something is wrong,
my body's feeling different.
I wake up at night to find myself sicker then ever.
Before I know it the test is coming out positive.
All I can think of is what's he gonna say?
Will he stay with me or will he leave out of fear?
My life strikes cold and I feel one single tear.
The truth is out he knows, his face gets a big bright smile
and says I have a family now. Tears of joy flood my face, and
now I am finally happy.
- Shay, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: It is hard to hear about our children having children,
but now that you are having a child change your ways and live for your
unborn child. Your child needs his/her parents, so now it's time to step
up and stay out of detention.
t
i^MTc
7 nn
^
My Real Friend
What's good with it, Beat? Me, Ant still here living in this
hellhole! I'm dedicating this one to my moms.
You want to know about a real friend, I'm gone tell
you. The only true friend and homie that me and a lot
of ninjas locked up on the outs got is their mother! Just
think about this: who there for you when you feeling
down? Moms who there for you when you sick and not
capable to go get you some medicine. Moms, this one
right here, is the top one. Who the first person you call
when you get locked up? Moms!
All through your life when you mad and sad, what's
the main line you here ninjas say when shhh is bad... "I
want my mama!"
-Lil' Ant, San Francisco
From The Beat: You are so right. Ant. And you know what, it never
changes not matter how old you get. And when your mom is no longer
around, that's when you're really going to know what a true friend she
was because you're never going to stop missing her. So now^ the time
to give back some of what she's sacrificed for you, and what she's going
to continue to sacrifice for you. Now's the time to start thinking of how
you can pay back, by not doing the things that let "them" take you
away from her. She loves you very much.
We In Hell
I'm stressin' in this shady place, but not just for me but
for all my ninjas that went down with me, especially my
baby. I mean, damn, do these jerks actually think us kids
that come in and out the system wanna do what we do?
Hell no we don't.
Damn! Every day I look around I see a pretty-ass girl
that wear a smile, but really underneath that smile is worry
and stress. We good-ass kids caught up in the system. I
mean, damn, it ain't our fault some of our momma was on
crack and showed us the wrong way.
But man, we live to survive and survive to die. And
while we live, we struggle. I hope after life on earth is
paradise because we in hell.
-Demetrius, San Francisco' i
From The Beat: Of course you can't be blamed for the life you were '
born into, or the "wrong" things you learned coming up. But there
comes a time when you have to take control of your own life and take
L responsibility for your own decisions. The child can be forgiven; the
adult pays the price. So, examine those values you learned sk% a child
and figure out what you want in life. If it doesn't include being at the
mercy of strangers, then make a real plan to achieve what you hope to i
achieve in a way that protects your freedom and your future. I
Getting' Piaired
Man, this shhh is bullshhh. My PO is tryin' to play me.
The judge already said that the PO has the right to release
me, and he still don't want to let me out. He keep tryin to
find any excuse to not let me out, like he said my mom
don't got insurance to pay for my sleepin' meds. I told
him I don't need that to go to sleep on the outs.
The reason I can't sleep in here is because I keep
thinkin' about my family — Mom is okay or not or how
long I'ma be down for, and that's all I think about all night.
My PO needs to stop BSin' and let me out 'cause im 18
already, and I got plans for when I get out, long term and
short goals.
Well, that's all now.
-Kizzer One, San Francisco
From The Beat: Are the meds the only reason your PO isn't recommending
release? If so, it's one of those Catch-22 situations: Since you're locked
up, you need help falling asleep; but since you need help falling asleep,
they won't let you get out! (In the book, "Catch-22," the main character
said he wanted to get out of the military because the war was making
him crazy. But there was a rule that said, "If you want to get out of the
military, that proves you aren't crazy.") We'd love to read what some of
your short and long-term goals are, and how you plan to achieve them.
We hope your PO relents, and that you get out soon.
Pain And Grief
\
\ I
What's good with it. Beat? It's ya boy Lil' G coming out
of that max unit. Anyways, I just want to start by sayin'
that there's all types of different pain that people such as
myself experience every day. Man, does it hurt.
I've experienced pain by losing loved ones, being
vulnerable to females, getting shot, and many other ways.
And trust me, pain hurts, as we all know. Me, myself, can't
stand pain. I hate it. Especially mental pain, meaning
being hurt inside, in my heart.
Physical pain hurts, but feel me... like I said, I been
shot before, and it didn't hurt, not because I'm trying to
be big and bad, but because I was thizzing hard as hell.
And the one thing the big homies say is, "Don't get caught
slippin'". Man I should've listened. But forget it, it's
nothin', this lil' wake-up call for when I'm on the outs!
Anyways, to all locked up in this place, keep ya head
up and keep it trucha. I'm outtie.
-TRL, San Francisco
From The Beat: After experiencing so much pain, what do you do to
protect yourself from further pain? If thizzing kept you from feeling
pain, did it also keep you from acting responsibility, putting you in
danger of being hurt? Can you think of ways that would make your life
less dangerous, whether you're doing those things or not? (We had to
change your Beat name
M]f Life Cliose Me
What's up with The Beat? It you boy Grimy still up in
here. But what I got to say is my life chose me when I was
just a little kid. Pops was in and out of my life. I lived with
drug dealers, seeing people fight. My house was getting
shot up, so I seen that and I got into it.
Started selling drugs, smoking weed and getting
locked up, but really I didn't care 'cause I was living that
gangbanging life and that's what was making my life so
difficult. But I was crazy in the head, so when I did the
things that I did, that means that my life was chosen for
me.
-Grimy, San Francisco
From The Beat: The truth is that nobody can choose their childhood.
We're all born into certain circumstances, and we all have to play the
cards that are dealt us sk% children. So, we agree with you that you
only did what you saw being done all around you. But the difference
between being a child and being stn adult is that the adult can make
choices, can decide either to live or not to live the kind of life that was
handed to him sk% a child. Yes, life chose you sk% a child; but now that
you're a young adult, what life will you choose for yourself?
triet
\
1 I
u
Yo, yo, yo! What's up with The Beat? This yo' boy Na-
Na. Most of y'all know me, but yeah, I'm talking 'bout my
ninja... well, actually my favorite big homie R.B.
Man, I miss my ninja. He was like a father figure to
me. He put me on when I didn't have nothin' but a couple
dollars in my pockets so I could stay out of trouble and
above waters and don't get drowned fo' real. Brah was a
role model and now he gone.
But you know Na-Na gone hold it down for the crown.
I'm sayin' this to say that's my grief and that I don't want
to see nobody die, even if they my enemies. So I'm out.
Beat.
-Na Na, San Francisco
From The Beat: We don't know how iwe would deal ivith the grief that
comes with the life. But we admire you for understanding that you are
the one feeling the pain, not R.B., and that revenge only creates pain
in those left behind, whether they're your homies or your enemies. And,
when you look honestly at the situation, those feelings of grief are just
another reminder that what connects u% as human beings is greater
than what separates us. We're sorry you have to bear the pain of your
loss.
t
i^MTc
7 nn
//// //
Finding Inner Peace
What's up Beat? It's another week and I'm that much
older, wiser, stronger and happier. I'm able to deal with
my shhh a lil' better because I have to learn from my
thoughts or situation that I have been through throughout
the week.
I've almost achieved that inner happiness that I have
been searching for. Once my eyes have opened to the
situations or predicaments, or say the world around me
— once I opened my eyes — dealing with problems or
difficulties becomes easy.
I am able to find the joy in any situation. There is
good to everything that happens in this world, no matter
how dark it may appear. If you search, you may find, I
believe. So that is why no matter how long this time I'm
serving becomes, every week makes me that much better,
I am able to grasp the goodness.
Anyways, times up Beat. Hope you enjoyed.
-Bakgwai, San Francisco
From The Beat: We always enjoy reading you, Bakgwai. You are a thinker
and that is what we want all our writers to be. Next time, maybe you
can spell out some of the wisdom you've added to your arsenal, and give
u% some examples of how you are better today than you were yesterday.
Better yet, tell u% how you will be even stronger, happier and better
Wkat I See
X
Everybody was born with choice and opportunity. The
stuff that's going on in the streets is nothing new to me.
They supply us guns and drugs in our community. They
like seeing us battle, but what we need is unity.
I'm in jail and I want to get released. I see a lot of
violence but I'm trying to find peace. People getting
killed in these Oakland streets. Ninjas don't feel safe
that's why they holding heat. If you from the wrong street
you'll be knocked in your teeth or maybe blown off your
feet. You hear about someone getting killed about every
other week. Every year the killing rate in Oakland is
increased.
-Kwame, Alameda
From The Beat: it make one iwonder, iwhat has this ivorld come to? What
are we living for if killing each other is our reality? When will all of
this madness stop? Or is it too late to change this thing we know sk%
the game?
Best StDP) Ever
\
My best story ever is my life. Even though many people
say they have no story, that's not true.
My life started from the point I remember, back when
I was really young, maybe about five or six. I was really a
shy person. From then, I have changed in a way I never
imagined. I remember when I started middle school. I
was in a private school. Besides that I was also in a after-
school program and I was a really unhappy. Later on my
mom finally realized that I really didn't need it.
Throughout my middle school years, I maintained a
3.83 GPA. Once I hit high school, I started screwing up. I
made a bad mistake and I ended up in juvey. I wish I didn't
mess up, but since I did, I guess I gotta live with it. After
this lesson, I am never coming back again. That is my
best story ever!
-Dischick, San Francisco
From The Beat: Without needing to go into the details of how you
"messed up," we wish you had given a few more specifics about what
you're going to change when you get out to keep the promise that
you're never coming back. It's obvious that you have the intellectual
skills you need to succeed, but only you know if you have the strength
of character to honor your determination that this is your last trip into
slavery. Get your diploma and go to college. You could be anything you
choose to be.
U
Where Am I?
\
Since as long as I can remember
My mom ain't never been there
She broke my pockets
And took everything I ever had
But despite all this
I love her to death
After all this
I thought she'd even take my last breath
Still, to this day, I'm still standing tall
About to walk the stage like it ain't nothing at all
Tomorrow's my birthday
Which means I become a man
I'm turnin' eighteen
To the law and government
I'm still a kid
In my eyes I'm already 21
'Cause of the things I been through
In my head
I feel I've seen too many things to be in juvy
I should really be in the county jail
That's why I'm glad I'm still young
An' I should stay in a child's place
But my mind is tellin' me it can't be done
I'm lost in my own tragedy
-Chris, Marin
From The Beat: Beautiful, sad, even tragic poem. Is your mom still in
your life on the outs? How is she dealing with you being in juvy? You
may need the comfort and protection a child has to have, and it^ good
that you realize it. Do you have any adults in your life you can go to for
understanding, fun, advice, someone you can talk to? If not, can you
tell you tell a counselor or mental health in? If you have someone you
trust to confide in, maybe you can work with what's messing with you,
so you'll never have to go to country jail. Please get whatever help you
need now!
Cocaine: RIP Tiger
Cocaine is the drug of heavenly powers
A white chemical that should be snorted
It is so strong it can't be aborted
Once used there is no stop
It makes you so stupid you can't see the cop
He pulled out his gun and told you not to move
But you did not stop so now you lose
It was your life, the one you choose
I remember you were young and lazy
You were on the news they said you were crazy
I went to the cemetery where your body lie
I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye
I knew you were a good guy one that was kind and shy
-Peanut, San Francisco
From The Beat: Thank you for this poetic reminder that some things
that feel good today can mean there will be no tomorrow. The problem
with drugs is that they can quickly addict you, make you their prisoners,
so that you think you're in control of your life, but you're really just a
slave. And that kind of slavery can lead to other, more direct kinds of
slavery where strangers order your every move. We hope some readers
with habits will absorb the wisdom of what you've ivritten, and make
some changes in their lives while they still can.
Best Story Ever
I'm going to tell you my best story ever. First off, the only
best story I think that I can have is freedom. Freedom is
the only thing that matters to me while I'm in here.
The path I chose ain't the best one, but if I make the
right choices, I can make something of myself.
When people make the wrong choices, the only thing
that happens is that you end up in here. So if you're
readin', don't make the same mistake twice. What I'm
tryin' to say is my best story is getting out of here.
-Korff, San Francisco
From The Beat: If every story has a beginning, middle and end, then
getting out of here is only the beginning of your best story. How do you
imagine the middle... the part that comes after you walk out, and the
part that will determine what the ending will be.
i^MTc
7 nn
//// //
One Positive Scliooi Experience
Before I started the lifestyle I am living now, I was
actually a very good student. It might not seem like it
now, considering I've only attended probably a week of
high school altogether, and Fm now 18 and a senior.
Before I took the wrong road, I loved school. As a child,
I worked hard, got good grades, and attended everyday.
From about 2nd grade to 7th, I was on Honor Roll and I
was a GATE student. I would be so proud walking up to
that stage in front of the school and my grandparents,
receiving that award.
It was a really good feeling making my grandparents
proud of me and seeing my award on the fridge.
I wish I could have stayed on that path.
Life now would be so different. But like a lot of others,
I chose drugs and crime over school, which was one of
my biggest mistakes.
But that's one of my proudest moments in life, and
one of my positive school experiences. Late Beat.
-Geneuieve, Santa Clara
From The Beat: OK, so you messed up, but you're still breathing.
You're one of the luclcy ones. So get with it. If you need help, if you
have addiction problems to deal with, asic for help. Remember your
capabilities. Accept responsibility. Don't beat yourself up. Get on with
things. Get back to school. You have some catching up to do. On with
Happy Birtliila]!, Mom
\
I love you. Mom, and I'm sorry I had to be in here fo' yo'
birthday. I wish I was with you fo' yo' birthday.
When I get out, I'ma do good fo' you. I knew I should've
done better when I was on the outs, but it was hard. But
since I came in here and seen you came visit me with
tears in yo' eyes, it hurt me, and I'm sorry.
I love you. Mom. Happy 40th birthday.
-Chris, San Francisco
From The Beat: You know, Chris, if you keep the promise you make in
this birthday tribute to "do good" when you get out, that will be the
best birthday present you could possible give to your mother... and to
yourself!
No To Colie
X
I got people all around me asking me if I wanna do some
coke. But in be like, what should I do? I stopped doing it,
and everywhere I go there's coke and people asking me if
I want some. But I be like, "No," because I ain't tryna do
that no more.
-Cholo, San Francisco
From The Beat: This piece is too short, and you could have added a lot
more about your experiences and why you have quit. But the message
you are giving is so important — and we're so proud of you for having
the courage to say no — that we had to give you a co-pow. Don't fall for
those who will always try to tempt you to go back to a lifestyle that
leads nowhere good. Built on the foundation of sobriety you've got
going. Good for you!
TliG DuGl( Lool(ino Girl
X
Sitting here at this table these three girls — one with
blonde and black hair, one with bangs and the black girl
with a pony tail. The girl with the pony tail told me that I
looked like a duck. As I sit here and talk to them, I learned
more about them. They really cool people to talk to. So
no matter how people look, you should know them first
before you judge them.
-Jerrell, San Francisco
From The Beat: Prejudice means to judge things before you know them,
and that's what we do when we judge people by the surface. As for
looking like a "duck," we can't agree with that. But even if it's accurate,
do you know the story of the "Ugly Duckling"? If not, you should try
to find it in the library or on the Internet and read it. We think you'll
I Waot My Freedom
\
Being locked up is not the way to go
I'm surrounded by dumb kids that
Don't go to school no mo'.
Why do people always shoot up the corner store.
Why can't we go back to old school Nintendo 64?
The whole situation I'm enduring is fo' sho' pissin' me
off though.
I don't like it the dope game I quit that
If not I'll probably be right back in jail.
Thinking in my mind that I failed.
Dreaming that I can sail away from the world.
My money is as sweet as honey,
I want my freedom, screw stardom.
I like to fly I also like to get high sip syrup, drink patron
While I'm smoking purple at home
And talking to a bob on the phone.
Now I feel like I'm grown
but it's kinda messed up that I'm going to be gone
-- for a very long time.
-Ice Mayne, Alameda
From The Beat: It is messed up. But at the same time, they can't take
your mental freedom right? And you keep that, so long si% you keep
reading, keep writing, keep pushing yourself to stay up and above
the negativity around you, whether its behind the walls or out on the
he I
To My Mofl)
Dear Momma,
It's your son Momo
Sayin' how much I miss you
And I love the way you were there in my thoughts.
Even though you weren't alive past 29
And couldn't see me grow up.
I know you didn't really know me.
But you were the one I knew.
So can't say I hate you., so moms I love you.
RIP Luanna Jane Taylor
-Lil' Momo, Alameda
From The Beat: We turned this piece into a poem, we hope you don't
mind: It's just that it had so much emotion in it, it felt like a poem when
we read it. It made u% wish we knew more about your mother too, and
about what kind of a person she was. What have you heard about her
from your other family members? I
1
Watiig Id lit In
1 I
u
What's up Beat? This is the first story that I have wrote,
dude, to the time that I've been here at YGC. The topic I
have chosen is simply saying no.
It's been a lot of events in my life so far that I should
have just said no. My first time smoking weed is the
perfect example.
One day it was a block party in my 'hood. I'm outside
with all the people my age. My friend started rolling up
some weed. They told me I should try it. I didn't want
to look like a punk, so hit it a couple of times. Then got
caught by moms hella high.
I learned that to think before I do and to also just say
no.
-Israel, San Francisco
From The Beat: Unfortunately, the way you started smoking is the way
too many young people start doing things that aren't good for them.
Being afraid to "look like a punk" is something all of u% have felt at a
certain age. So sometimes, it takes a lot more courage to be the only
one to turn down those offers, whether it's weed, drink or pulling a lick.
If you've really learned the lesson you say you have, then maybe it was
worth it. Thank you for iwriting in The Beat. We look fonward to more of
your thinking and iwriting.
1
Somethin' I Didn't Even Dn
X
Well, the reason why I'm here in this dump is because I
messed up by hanging out with the wrong people. I think
that I'm here on some straight BS. I'm doing all this for
some shhh I didn't even do and the thing about it is the
person who actually did the crime didn't go to the hall at
all!
This really makes me angry because I am being
charged for robbery when I didn't rob anyone, and I'm
doing time for someone who's on the outs.
Now I can understand that I can run from the police
and I had involvement in the crime (on a very low level
if you ask me) but the thing about it is that the court
system really don't care.
Honestly I am not the type of person who would
ever even think about robbing someone because it's just
not something I would do. But just because I chose to
hang out with my friends on this day I now suffer the
consequences of a bad choice.
-Young E
From The Beat: It sounds like your so-called friends don't Icnoiv hoiw
to be positive with their time. You can't change the past, but you can
change the future, right? So what's the next move? Maybe it's time to
find new friends, because like you say you're not the type of person
lAfho lAfould be doing wrong.
TT
I loll Hi! Nit To (I
X
When I was about 12 years old, I went to my patna's
house and he was about to leave with some people. I told
him not to go and he ended up dead. I was grieving for like
two months.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: We wish he'd listened to you - if he had, he might still be
alive. Have you ever been on the opposite side, when you were about to
head into danger, and someone told you to stay home, but you weren't
trying to hear them?
Best Friends
\
Do you got a best friend? Well I do, her name is Tayana
J. We know each other from school, her and I have a song
for you that's if you're reading this? "If I was your best
friend I'll want you around all the time. Can I be your best
friend girl if you promise you'll be mine."
-Lil' Charles
From The Beat: That's great that you have a best friend! Do y'all support
each other and try to stay outta of trouble?
Iiger
^
This is Marcus live from the Hall and I am very angry
right now. I'm still trying to get over the fact that I lost my
mom and they move me from my unit. It just don't make
no sense that I'm in a m£ix unit, and I ran from camp.
They say I got to be in here till my next court date, which
June 16.
But the good news is that when I go over to the court
I'm going to be able to go home. Plus I'm going to miss
my birthday again, just like last year on April 16. With
all that stuff on my mind, its hard for me to be happy in
here. I'm going to get through it though, just spend most
of my time in my room sleeping, 'cause when I get back
to the house I know I'm not going to get that much sleep.
Well this is some of the stuff that gets me angry. I'm out
peace!
-Lil' Marcus
From The Beat: Why won't you get much sleep? We only ask you this
because we REALLY hope you are planning on taking it easy when you
get out. You've been through so much already! Getting caught up is the
last thing you need.
Who Are We To Blame
\
We stuck in the game
Just tryin' to make a name
Drug dealing 'cause we gotta maintain
Doing all this 'cause we feel like we in pain
But there's one question
Who are we to blame
-Johnny
From The Beat: it's a good question. What do you think? Is there
someone to blame? Does having someone to blame help? Is blaming
even the ansiwer?
The Best Day Ever: Tomorrow!
I think that I might get out tomorrow, I really want to.
I think that if I do get out that will be the best day ever
that has happened to me this year. I been doing good too.
I have been handling my business too. I've been in the
hall for too long, and I've spent my birthday here. I don't
wanna be here on another special day and I'm going to be
driving when I get out to so I really can't wait.
I What will top it all off is I'm gone see family, that I
miss very much. I just wanna leave out of court with my
family tomorrow on our way home for good. I'm just go
keep praying and I'm gone hope that tomorrow is my final
day in jail. Well alright, wish me luck.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: Good luck! And more importantly, we hope you never
get out: Like you say, there's no reason to miss another special day.
Jodge Tryiog Give Me A Hoodred Years P.O.W.
What's good with The Beat man?
Judge trying to give me a hundred years
Keep on going back and forth to count
Mama want me to live a long time
She don't want me to go to but I chose the wrong things
And made some mistakes that I wish I never did
Smoke some weed now bra a new kid
Went to court I cant get a chance
Trying to change my life and be a new man people say I
can't
Bra I think I can
Screw it bee that's what I am
Imagine being in a bathroom sleeping every night
I bet judge don't know
But if he did he'd still try to give a ninja a hundred
years.
-Lil' Co
From The Beat: You can't place the fate of your life on the judge
anymore. You did what you did. You can't turn back the hands of time.
All you can do is learn from your mistakes instead of keep committing
the same ones over and over. If you wanna change your life it starts
with the decisions you make now.
Trapped In A War Zone
Every which way I look they trying to put bullets in my
dome
I see to many lost souls roaming around the hood
Cause everybody I know is off that good
What the hood has to offer
Gun's drugs and warfare
When is the violence gon' stop
When hollow tip bullets gone hit that's when is another
body drop.
-Jamon
From The Beat: Trapped in war zone you need to get up outta of there.
Unless you wanna be a victim or a just another body on that cold
hearted battle field.
Like, Wow
It was a nice day upon us on a Sunday morning. It was
about ll:23ani when me and my cousins was heading
out to go see they sick father at the hospital. We was
approximately five minutes away from leaving out the
door
When my Auntie Nicole was fishing for her keys to
the car, a call came in on the house phone and asked to
speak with Nicole. When she took the phone I heard
her respond speaking to whoever asked her was it her.
After at east the thirty seconds on the phone she took to
her room and yelled after she close the door.
Automatically we assumed something was wrong so
we all headed into her room. She asked my cousins to
stay clam before she announced that the' father died.
After that the whole room went into silence for a moment,
until my uncle's youngest daughter broke out in tears
and was saying "No, no, not my daddy," repeatedly, and
then everybody broke out crying.
Even I did, because Uncle Carl used to treat me
like one his own children. He use to let me come over
whenever I wanted to and let me work for him for money
since he owned two security jobs.
But I just couldn't get over that he died right before
we was leaving out the door to visit him. I spent a couple
days in my room crying... I couldn't even try to get over it
to release the pain.
Honestly I went to the street to buy bags of weed and
blow them with one of my loyal friend, named David that
is like a brother to me to help ease the pain. It worked for
a while... but still ain't completely got over it.
-Kevin
From The Beat: You painted such a vivid picture of that horrible day
that we felt iiice we were right there with you. We can see how you'd
be tempted to cover the pain up with smoice, but pain iiice that never
actually "goes away" does it. What would your Uncle Carl be wanting
you to do? How can you honor his memory?
The Hood
I come from the streets of Oakland. The hood is like
a home to me. On these streets I get into trouble. I'm
always in juvenile hall and I hate it. The hood is so bad
but at the same time it's good. I love the hood but bullets
be flying like birds out there and its hard to stay alive.
Ninjas out here selling dope to people tryin' to make
the fast money. Some just try to get something on 24's
just so they can stunt cause stunting is a habit. The
streets is my home so all you fake ninjas need to leave it
alone.
-Baby Whoody
From The Beat: You gotta hate it or love it. We aint trying to Icnocic
your hood or anything but why do people risic their lives and freedom
just for something on 24^. is the chrome on those wheels more precious
than your freedom or life itself?
\
ke I
Grief
I lost my grandma and I couldn't handle the pain.
It seemed like I had a lot to lose and nothing to gain.
Because the decisions I made could have had put me in
a grave.
But I'm stuck in this place and nowhere to go
Damn I wish I could die and have God take away my
soul.
-Lonnie
From The Beat: it^ heartbreaking to read the sadness in this poem,
especially because your grandma would never have wanted you to feel
this pain. She would want you to make different decisions from now
on, though, because of her love for you. Does the memory of that love
give you strength?
Still Here
Q-vo Beat? This Chikillo, well I'm still here. Waiting
until they come pick me but I'm happy 'cause today April
1, 2008 I make two years with my girl friend. And that
makes me hella happy.
But the bad thing is that I'm in the hall, but it's good
I'm just ready to get out and start my life again and kick
it with my homies. Well Beat this vato is out.
- ChikiUo
From The Beat: You're always talking about how you can't wait to Icicle
it lAfith your homies. That's only gonna bring you right back to the halls.
You never talk about how you wanna change your habits like getting in
trouble, or your kid, and you never talk about your girl. If you wanna
start a new life then you're gonna have to stop getting in trouble. You
can't expect to chill with the homies and not get into some trouble.
I I
i I
u
ou I
Grief
When I grieve, it's not a great thing because I've lost a lot
of the people I love. It's like losing your whole life. I think
about all the people I lost, and that I'll never completely
heal because those people were part of my family. I can
never see them again and it's sad. It's life 'cause everybody
got to go someday.
But sometime it be the wrong people that be taken
away from us. But God has a better place for my family
and I pray every night for my family because I love them
with all my heart and soul. I'm losing my family to stupid
stuff and that's not worth it. I hope my whole family turns
their life around.
-Lil' Ree
From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss, but this is what will happen
when being stuck into a type of lifestyle that^ tied to the streets. Why
don't you set the example first? if they see a member who is playing the
same game, getting out of the gang life, accomplishing many positive
goals for a good future, they can learn from you and follow your foot
steps? At least you can safe one or more of those lives that are being
misguided by negative influence. It's sounds hard, but you won't loose
anything by trying. Remember, in order to help them, you need to help
yourself out first. Then others.
rm Mad
I am mad that I'm in here. I'm mad because I didn't think
I would get caught doing what I did, because I had already
did the same thing two times before and got away with it.
But the third time it wasn't working.
Another reason why I'm mad is because I walked right
into going to jail. I went to court two times already and
got detained. I have two more weeks until I go to court.
That's why I'm mad.
-Donald
From The Beat: You can't get away with it every time. Sooner or later
you're bound to get caught. We hope you don't be thinking that you can
get away with it every time cause you can't. You should be mad because
you're doing what you're doing. You need stop before you keep coming
in and out of jail for the rest of your life.
Dear Mom
Dear mom I'm sorry for all the pain I put you through
Now I'm locked up and all it's doing is stressing you
Not just me but my brother too
We thought we was coo'
Robbing houses skipping schoo'
Doing shhh we shouldn't do
And in the end it only hurt you
How we sitting in our cells crying because we miss you
Mom I wrote you poem to tell you that I love you...
-Johnny
From The Beat: Make sure you send a copy of this beautiful poem to
your mom, but also, is saying sorry enough? Or is it time for you AND
your brother to switch up your game?
h
//// //
What's up with it Beat? Shhh Fm still in this thang waiting
for my group home to come get me. I was supposed to be
gone two weeks ago to my group home but I don't know
why they taking hella long to come get me. I've been in
here fo' too long.
I'm ready to get released this week to my group home
at San Jose. Shhh I don't know why I'm still here, I'm
been doing really good in here. I could see if I'm doing bad
in here for them to keep me in here, but I've been good.
-Young A
From The Beat: Well all you can do is stay patient. Stay doing your
program, stay positive and good things will come. Keep ya' head up.
Driving My Moma Crazy
X
My mama tells me when I run the streets, she can't .
sleep. Her phone rings late at night and she thinks |
something happen to me. She turns her head every time
police come. She scared to look 'cause it might be me in
the back seat. Her blood pressure go straight through the
roof all because the only time she have peace is when I'm
in the house asleep.
Man, I think I'm speaking for every street nigga around
the world 'cause we don't never have enough time to
think about what we're taking, or puttin' mama through.
And for all that's said, just pray to God she doesn't wipe
her hands off me. i
Her favorite word is dope. Ain't the only way to eat. |
She heard the feds in the town and her knees got weak.
-Lil' Domo
From The Beat: Have you had the time to thinic the pain you have been
giving to the person who loves you the most? You are being selfish with
I her and yourself. She doesn't deserve the type of preoccupations you've
been given her. If she has a drug problem, the least you can do is to help
her get her feet back where they should belong. She's your mother not a
stranger. She carried you for months just for you to be here, is this the
way you are going to pay her back? Do something!
I fell ■
Bilnded By "Love"
This Weezy, I'ma tell ya a story about two females
in love with. Check it out, one day, I was at the Mosque (a
place where Muslims worship God), and I seen this fine
Afghan female. I knew I had to talk to her, so I started
talking to her, but not in a flirty way, because it was at J
the mosque. *
I didn't know if she was that type of girl. I started
talkin' to her, then one day she asked me for my phone
and she called her friend blocked, and gave me the phone
and told me to holla at her.
So, I started talking to her and stuff, but I didn't really
want to get with her friend, I wanted to get with her! I told
her that and she said, "you know I'm not like that."
I guess she was just too religious. She told her friend
that I was her cousin, and that I wanted to get with her.
She got me and her friend talking to each other, so I was
like, ok, it's coo'. I'll just use her friend to get to her.
Me and her friend started going out, and after about a
month or two she started feelin' me and wanted to get
with me, but it was too late, I started having feelings for
her friend.
Then after 9 months I cheated on her friend with her
and I told her, and we broke up, and then I broke up with
her friend too.
-Weezy
From The Beat: What a shame! This is what to expect when we do not do
things right. Next time, try to be faithful and think about your partner's
feeling before doing something like that. What did you learn from this?
For one, cheating don't pay!
She's Exactiy Wiiat I Need
She's my sunshine in the rain
My Tylenol when I'm in pain
Like tall glass of lemonade
That's burnin' hot on summer days
She's exactly what I need
She soothes like the ocean rushing on the sand
She takes care of me
She's exactly what I need
She's so beautiful
Sometimes I start to close my eyes
She's exactly what I need
-M
From the Beat: Then, what the heck are you doing here? Go get her and
be with her. You're wasting time! Yet, now you have a ton of work to do
to stay out of such a place. Handle your business!!
I Wanna Be Free
no
do I
\
Man, I wanna get out. Being in Juvenile Hall is crazy. I
hate being in these small rooms. I hate being locked up.
This shhh is torture. They only let you out sometimes.
The food is the nastiest shhh in the world. They only let
you take a shower for 5 minutes.
When I'm at home, I take one hour showers. I feel
so sick. When I first got locked up I was dizzy and was
throwing up in my room. I didn't know how much I cared
about my family until I got in this place.
-Boobie
From The Beat: What next? Would you be back after experiencing such
as nasty and horrible experience? It's better to be home. Get out and
stay out. What's your lesson from this?
Hoping I Get But
\
What's up Beat? Man, this shhh is boring, but I'm gonna
be in the outs mane. I can't wait to get out maybe I'm
gonna be out tomorrow but I'm happy cause mane I'm
gonna be out wit my ninja in the hood.
Then I'm gonna be wit my family in the house. My
lil' brother and my homies. Well first I got to make some
thing up with my family especially my mom. I got to tell
her I'm sorry cause I told her that I hate her and when
she'd die I wont be there and I will make a party. But when
I I'm on the outs I'm gonna tell her I'm sorry.
-Paul
From The Beat: Man, homie you shouldn't be saying those kind of things
to your mom. She gave you birth and you owe her more than that. If she
I tells you stuff it's cause she don't want you to go down the wrong path J
I and end up in jail or in a coffin! I
Sayiny No INahl
J L
I remember one time I was messing with this boy and we
were getting high, drinking and the whole nine... and dude
was hella cute, but when I get high I be like backup!
So we go to his house or whatever, and I guess he
thought I was about to give him some sex and it was
funny because I knew that's what he wanted, and I knew
he wasn't getting any.
So when he tried to make his move I was like "nah,
I'm good."
He was like, "all right. I'm about to take you home."
I was like, "fast" 'cause I was high, and it was about
the time my boyfriend was going to be on his way to my
house anyway...
-Taco
From the Beat: What about saying no to drugs and alcohol? Are you ever
able to do that?
stupid Mistake!
rm looking stupid because Fm in here for shooting a
school window with a bb gun. I've been in here for six
days and I'm already ready to leave.
When you're in here you're thinking a lot. Mostly
about when you're getting out or why you're in here and
why was I acting stupid.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: That's cool that you recognized that you've made a
mistake. Learn from it. There's nothing you can do now, but learn from
it and don't make it again. 'Cause next time you're gonna be sitting in
there for an even longer period of time. Part of maturing is recognizing
when you're acting stupid, or recognizing your mistakes and correcting
them. You have a good head on your shoulders don't lose it.
Colors EvGrpiiere
Use to see in black and white
Never any in between
Waitin' on the love of my life
To come in to my dream
Everything is shades of Gray
Never any greens
All the beauty that was waitin' for me'
Lou, you put the color back in the sky'
You put the rainbow in my eyes
A silver lining in my prayers
And now there are colors everywhere
My life is so predictable
Never any mystery
But now I have a hand to hold
All of that is history
Needing someone else to turn to
Someone who can help me learn and see
All the beauty that was waitin' for me
You, you put the color back in the sky
You put the rainbow in my eyes
A silver lining in my prayers
And now there are colors everywhere.
-M
From The Beat: Who is this girl who brought all the colors back to your
view? It^ a shame you got it all outside with this girl, but you can't
enjoy it. Are you working hard in getting back your freedom to be with
this girl? The way you described her, make us think that she's one of
the best. Don 't loose her, because girls like that one aren't found very
easily.
Grit!
X
I have grief over being in juvenile hall again because
of a stupid mistake I made. I'm gonna learn from this
mistake and never come back here again because this
isn't where I belong.
I belong riding my bike with my friends having fun
like a normal kid. This is a place for criminals and I'm not
a criminal and a lot of these other kids aren't either they
just made a mistake.
-Anthony
From The Beat: You're right y'all ain't criminals. You just made a mistake.
That's great that your recognized it all on your own. Learn from it. Stick
with this mentality and you'll be good.
I Miss My Froedoni
I miss my mom and my dad. I should never even did what
I did to get in here. When I go home I am never coming
back I don't like the food here. I miss my mom cooking.
I'm mad.
-Antese
From The Beat: We all don't appreciate the small things like our mom%
cooking when we're on the outs. But we're glad to hear you say you ain't
never coming back we hope that's a promise and not just jail talk.
I feel grief about the situation I am going through right
now.
Now that I'm in juvenile hall doing my time I think to
myself "one day I will be out of this place so just live the
way I have to live right now and I will be out soon."
I There is no reason for me to cry and regret the things
I did to end up in this place because it happened already.
I just need to know the next time I'm out don't make
another wrong choice or mistake to end up here again.
-Christine
From The Beat: That's good advice to give yourself, Christine, if you
stick to that, you will be okay.
I I I I I I
U
Taiiiiflo To My Brotiior
Well today I was talking to my brother on the phone. It
was the first time I didn't cry while on the phone with him
in here. Talking to him makes my day even if it makes me
cry. Today when I was talking to my brother he told me
my grandma is finally going to let me come home.
I'm so happy 'cause I have court on my 17th birthday.
So I get to go home on my birthday. I'm so exited I can't
wait till my birthday. I only have two more weeks in
here.
-Amber
From The Beat: That's great news Amber. Tell us more about your brothei^
have you always been close? Who's older? What's his personality like?
What do you plan to do together when you get out?
The Haii
The hall is the worst place to be at. I rather be anywhere
in the Bay than to be up in here. You lose control over
your life. The staff can be cool when they want to be
or they can be punks, most of the time they are punks.
We always gotta be quiet, they raid your room almost
everyday, throw your stuff around in your room, then
make you clean it up. You gotta eat this nasty food that
comes from Santa Rita, and you gotta be in your room for
most of the day.
I know jail is not supposed to be fun but damn, jail is
hella weak. I try to stay out, but in the streets you gotta
do what you gotta do, everybody know that.
But if you are one of those cats that have parents able
to give you everything you need, don't try to live the street
life 'cause the consequences ain't cool. Be safe if you out
there in the streets, you know.
-Young Foul
From The Beat: That, "you gotta do what you gotta do," is what brings
you back here? What do you have to do? is there someone holding and
pointing a gun at you be on the streets doing the things you gotta
do? Be realistic! What^ the point? What are you trying to prove? Good
advice! We hope they fallow it through! But, you don't need the support
of parents to succeed in life. We have known guys who have made it
with a father, a mother or both. You can be another one on the list.
T^ust us, we are no laying!
W Beat!
U
\
What's up Beat? Well I'm still here waiting to get out.
Well today I got some good news that I'm going to a
group home in the bay because last time she send me
to Chino Hills. So I'm happy 'cause I'm going to a group
home in the bay, so yeah. I'm not coming back here if
they send me to the bay and I'm not coming back here.
-Ernesto
From The Beat: Congratulations and not getting sent hella far. But if
you go to the group home out here in the bay you better finish it so you
can get out this system and move on with your life.
//// //
Everything is on me. I'm the one who determines if Fm
come back to jail or if Fm stay in the streets. Fm the one
who determines if I move on or if I wallow in grief. Fm
the one who determines if Fm let my peers or the streets
influence me.
It's a time when everyone has to make up and take
responsibility. This is where it comes down on you and
on me, and since I call myself a "G" it's only right that I
"man up" for mistakes made in my history.
I don't know about you, but I know from this day
forward I'm not going to try to be nothing other than me,
and the best I can be. Now that's what you call a real man,
and a real "G."
-Lil' William
LFrom The Beat: Show it with actions not just words! What are your
plans? Are you going bade to school? What makes a man? And what
makes a G? It's time for you to become a man, a responsible man who
can start acting like one. Your childish games are over. And it's time for
you to start focusing in your future.
The Best Story
The best story I have is when I turned myself in because
I was pregnant then got off. Then I got myself in school
and got a job. But.... I'm back.
-Ladi Lee
From the Beat: So the story has had some major ups and downs so far.
Luckily though, it's only just begun.
Another Chance
Man, what's good with it Beat? Me? Same old stuff.
Coming back and forth to this joint.
Well anyways, this Bra Bra, I'm about be getting
a released tiiis week to go to LA. My PO is giving me a
chance to do right. I'm going to L.A. for two months and
will leave on good behavior, and come back to the town
for a month so. I'm juiced. I really think I can do this.
I've been writing in this Beat Within for a minute and
I'm tired of writing in here. I know I've been writing in this
Beat saying that I'm not going to come back, but I'm really
not about to come back. This is my chance to change. I
know I've had hella chances and messed up but I'm about
to take advantage of this chance and run with it.
-Bra Bra
From The Beat: Bra Bra, we wish you all the best, and we hope you stay
free and proud . You are a great writer with a lot of heart and brains,
and we know you will better on the outside with these skills in hand.
Running Away
Hey, what's good Beat? This is the homie Yoyo coming
from the inside of these struggling wall in unit 9. I don't
know what to write about. Well, I cut from this group
home like almost 500 miles away and made it home. I left
my clothes in the back of a house by the group home. I
had hella new clothes and all my clothes from the hut
was in that shhh too.
I guess I lost all was 5 or 6 bills worth and all I got
is some boots, and clothes. When I get out or sent to a
placement, I'm 'bout to be looking grimey 'till I get my
grind on.
So 'till next week Beat. Please pray for me
-Yoyo
From The Beat: Honestly, if you keep thinking like this, you iwon't have
a future. The way you are running your life will only bring you back to
this place or another place worst. Getting your grind on is what will
make this happen. Use this time to reflect on the things you are saying.
One last question: Was it worth it?
The Person Who Changed My Life
The person that changed my life I would have to say, is
my boyfriend B. You're probably wondering why I would
say he changed my life out of all people, but he helped
me realize that I didn't have to wear makeup or wear sexy
clothes just to keep him because he likes me for me.
-Camile
From The Beat: What do you like about him? And what do you like
I about yourself? You've started writing an interesting piece, and we 1
I want to hear more! I
Disappointed
I'm disappointed because they taking to long to send me
up to camp. Then they transferred me from my regular
unit 3 to unit 12. I've been here for about two weeks.
I wish I wouldn't have shot that girl with that BB gun.
Then I wouldn't be in this situation after all. I never got the
chance to tell her I was sorry but it wasn't intentional.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: We can understand your frustration because you wanna
go to camp and get your time over with. But don't stress over things you
have no control of. You'll get there soon. Once you get there knock
out so you can get out of here and move on with your life.
na
ou I
u
Grief
! I
My grief is mental and physical. I have a lot of grief right
now because I'm being taken away from the people I love
the most.
The way I handle my pain is actually very easy. If you
believe and have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. He put
everything into his hands, and it all works out.
-B
From the Beat: It's wonderful you have faith. But what about the power
you have to make change? What can you DO to make your own situation
Life Is A Hell
Life could be a hell in so many ways. First of all, by my
girl. She went bad on me by going clubbing and stuff. I did
not like it so I had to cut her lose by not paying her no
attention to make her mad.
Second, life is a hell when my cousin Tony passed
away. In loving memory of Tony aka Lilo. When he
went down, my life went round. It's like he had passed
everything he had to me by passing over all. The respect
that he had, passed over. So that way life is a hell. So keep
your head up!
-Sergio
From The Beat: Sorry for your loss! Life isn't always how we plan for it
to be and no one knows exactly what tomorrow brings. That's why you
must always stay improving in life to make life the best it can be, and
I not some much of the other word you portray it to be. How are you
I planning to live yours? The same?
Ji
I M\
np '
U
My Sweet Love
My sweet love is someone that I really love because he
made a lot of things change for me. He also took me in
when no one else did. The love that he has for me I never
had from a man. His love is sweet. Age is a difference but
it wasn't my eyes, it wasn't my body, it was my love and
my speech that attracted him.
-lesha
From Beat: We are glad to hear he^ made you feel loved. But what has
he really changed for you? Lets remember, you are writing this from jail.
Tell us more about him, and how your relationship connects to this stint
you are doing in jail.
RIP Derial
It was April 18, 2007, a day that I will never forget. I
was at home and I got a phone call from my sister saying
that our patna just told her that my boyfriend Derial was
killed early that morning.
I couldn't believe what I heard. I immediately called
one of his close friends to see if what I've just heard was
true. He told me. Dang. Ever since then my life has become
a blur. Me and his mommy grieve for him everyday.
I can't believe how detailed his mommy described it
to me! My life will never be the same. I'm gonna mourn
Derial 'till I join him.
-Sad friend
From the Beat: We are always so saddened to hear about the needless
deaths of young men in our community. What do you think we need to
do to keep the peace? What can you as an individual do?
What's up Beat, this your boy Marcos. Yep I'm back here
in the hall. I ran from camp once again. I thought I was
going to pimp it but I didn't. My stupid self got caught up
in the west. But its cool though. Well I probably won't be
here long, aright then.
-Marcos
From The Beat: Why do we put our lives in the hands of strangers for
them to do with us as we please? Why do we get out and forget the
pain of the inside?
Horrific Street Trutii
In the street life
Anything goes
From pimps & hoes
To murder cases never closed.
It's a hard life, with a horrific truth
Many can't face, what really takes place
They try to cover it up
But how does it help?
Police walk around, with a 9 in their belt.
Can't handle the cards we were dealt.
So we try to hide & we get criticized
But no one knows what we feel inside.
-Moriah
From The Beat: People NEED to know, need to hear. That's why your
work as a poet is so important: Speaking your mind, putting your words
in verse, that's one way to stop hiding. And maybe if enough people
speak, the world will listen up.
Tougii Taii(
Vr
I'm like a shark in the sea
I'm a gangsta from the streets
Ninja don't you see
That's why I keep telling this ninja
It's hard being a G
They got me in this cage
Full of anger and pain
But I gotta hold it down
Purple in my veins
Ninjas acting the fool
Thinking this shhh is cool
Trying to play wit' the game
They gone end up in a T-shirt
Or a picture frame.
-Nacho Cheese
From The Beat: Why is it common for many to prove to the ivorld that
they're hard and ignorant? Why can't people fight with their minds,
ideas and thought instead of always with a weapon which doesn't get
one far in life? When will people see the light?
larl liie Sijiig Ni
X r
Saying no is something teenagers have a hard time
saying. Peer pressure is common and it's hard to choose
to say no! I have had so many times where I had to think
through something in order to say no, when no should
have been my answer off tops. Like when it comes to
sex!
-Jasmine
From the Beat: What are the challenges to saying no? And what has
helped you to say no in the past?
U
Five Montlis Tooetlier
At night I think of him, the one I gave my heart to.
I try not to cry. I lay in my bed and face the wall and
pray.
Pray that when I get out I will see him and he will be ok.
I cry because I remember all of the good times that we
had.
I think about when he holds me and I get all warm
inside.
I think about how he always kisses me
on my forehead and calls me his princess.
I admire his beautiful smile and his cute dimples!
I love those dimples, they remind me of diamonds.
I think of his swagga look,
the way he wore his dreads under his hat and black
hoodie
with his jungle jeans and his fresh black Air Force
Ones.
And I remember always feeling comfortable standing by
him 'cause he's 5'2 just like me.
I miss my boyfriend, my right hand, and best friend!
On the 5lJi of May we will be together for five months!
The longest relationship we both ever had.
I can't wait to get out and see my love!
Can't wait to be his again.
-Sol
From the Beat: When you think of the two of you together in the future,
what do you think about? When you think of your own future, what do
you think about?
1
A Month After
My grandfather died about a month after I got locked up.
I felt so bad because I couldn't even go to his funeral.
I wasn't able to see him and tell him I love him before
he died. After he died, I felt like there was a big hole in my
chest, like I felt empty and depressed.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: We're sorry for such a sad experience. We are sure that
even though you didn't get the chance to express your last words to
him, he knew about your feelings towards him. Would thing had been
different, if he had asked you to make him happy by asking you to
change? When something is apart of your garden it's never the same
when it is removed. The constant challenge in life is adjusting to
change.
Stay Fitted
What It Do Beat. It's yo' girl Quilla, writing once again.
Man I'm tired of sittin' in this messed up place. I need to
go home on da real. People on da outs always hatin' on
me cause I'm hella fly. I stay fltted. I stay with my hair
done and I ain't bald headed.
-Marquilla
From The Beat: What iwe iwonder is - if you're so confident in yourself,
why do you even waste your energy writing about other people who
'hate' on you? We'd much rather here about YOU - your plans for the
future, your dreams, your life. Peace.
h
//////
1
My birthday
For my birthday I was supposed to have a party at the
center in the Park, but later on that day I found out my
mom had cancelled my party. I did not know why she
canceled so I got mad and flashed, and I hit her in the
head with a mirror.
I did not know that my mom bought me an outfit, set
me up a hair appointment, and got me backstage passes
to the Chris Brown concert. When I found out what she
did I apologized and felt so bad about what I did. I cried
and I couldn't even enjoy my birthday.
-Lady New
From the Beat: That^ a sad story. Do you often flash like that? What are
some healthier ways you can deal with disappointment and anger in the
future? if you could have taken a deep breath instead, it would have
been a totally different night...
\
My Release
I went to court on Tuesday of last week, so exactly a week
ago. I got and E.M release. I found out today that I've had
my release. They just haven't gotten in touch with my PO,
That's scandalous! I should been out. She just doesn't
want me to go home. It's her fault I'm still in here!!!
-Frustrated
From the Beat: That's terrible that you had to spend more time in jail
than you were supposed to. But don't blame it al on your P.O. if you
are going to make sure that you don't come back, you have to take
responsibility for your actions too.
An Escape
This once time I saw a dog. The dog was big with a spiky
collar.
The yard he was in had a small gate and it looked
like he could get high enough to jump to hop the fence.
I guessed right because he jumped over the fence and
started running real fast. I looked real hard for a second
and I noticed he was running towards me so I ran away
real fast back up the street.
-Ramon
From The Beat: It^ a good thing your instincts had you paying attention,
otherwise you might have ended up with that dog^ teeth sunk in you.
Have there been other times where being extra-aware have saved you
from trouble?
^
Whafs Up Beat
This Juvenile Hall is getting old. I've been coming here
for five years straight, back and forth.
For years I haven't been home. I've either been on the
run —meaning in the street -- or here in Juvenile Hall.
I've been in the game for seven about to be 8 years. I've
been told to walk away from the street life but they don't
understand I'm in a position where I'm too deep in the
game... its easier said than done.
But I'll still be a man and take care of my
responsibilities, as a brother, a son and an adult. Even
though I'm still gang-banging I'll take care of my family
like a man supposed to ...but I'll also do my part in the
street cause it's in my blood. The streets raised me since
10 years old and since then my life changed in a big way.
The streets never turned their back on me so I'll never
turn my back on the streets.
-Smokey
From The Beat: The streets never turned your back on you, but that's
cause they're hungry. They feed off the blood of young men like you
- who are brave, loyal, hurt, and angry. Who signed on the dotted
line when they were too young to know what they were signing. We
understand that it's really hard to get out, so we're not going to try and
push you to do that. But we will say this: The streets don't love you.
Grief
\
I have a male friend that's older than me. I've been
hanging out with him for a while. He taught me a lot in
life. He's been in and out of jail and he told me that I
don't have to cry or anything when I'm in jail or feel sorry
for myself 'cause there will be a day that I will be out. I
look up to him and I call him my O.G. because he talks
to me and teaches me about staying away from drugs and
troubles. If I wanna do drugs, he says just smoke weed
because it will keep you happy and keep your mind off
stress but be sure you have a good life. Have a family a I
job and everything. '
-Christine
From The Beat: This OG sounds like he wants your best interest. How _
did you meet him? What else has he taught you? Do you think you'll I
give youngsters similar advice in the future? I
T/fe streets raised me since 10
If ears old and since then mtf life
changed In a hig waif, j
-Ui
A Dollar And A Dream!
My momma always told me that a dollar can make a
dream come true.
I asked her how can a dollar make anyone's dream
come true? She told me that a dollar is just like a life.
That you take chances being something that you're not
and it's gone in a blink of a eye.
-Lil' Shadow
From The Beat: Your mother sounds like a ivise iwoman - did she have
other sayings that you think about a lot?
\ I DIP Duroer: Pain to My Deart \
Well I lost someone I loved. His name was Anthony aka
Burger. I couldn't believe what I heard. I didn't know how
to take that. It felt like somebody was stabbing me over
and over again. It was hella pain coming to my heart. I
didn't know how to go on, it was some crazy shhh.
So basically RIP Burger. I was just with him the day
he got shot and we went our ways.
I Separate way and later that night.... R.I.P. Burger
-Clay-Dizzle
From The Beat: That's a good way to describe the pain, like being
stabbed over and over again. Violence isn't just about the people who
get killed, it's about the agony of the loved ones who survive. Has the
pain gotten easier to deal with sk% time passes.!
The Life I'm Living
u
This life I'm living is hell. It's all about sitting here
locked up in a cell. I wish there was a way I can get out,
but ain't old enough to make bail. I hate the way my life
is, but the money is good.
I wish I can change it if I could, but I can't help it.
One way to survive in this life you gotta be a G and know
one thing in life it's militant on these streets. There are
people that will kill you in order for them to eat, so to my
people who died because of that, RIP.
-Lil' D
From The Beat: Are you one of those people who are willing to kill
another human-being to eat? Your circumstances change when your way
of thinking changes. You stated that you hate the way you are living,
but it seems to u% that your love for the streets is greater than your
hate.
fa
I'm a gangsta. Fm too solid to break.
The life Fm living is real so I can never be fake.
I treat the gcime like some pearl. I got in deep cind I love it.
It's always hot on the block, but still post in the oven
And I'm a tell you its nothing! go ahead and ask me
what is it? This block living is grimey but we be feeling
exquisite.
The shhh I spit is explicit, at times these people be sccired
If you don't like what I'm saying I guess I'll Ccill you a square.
I don't got time for the cops because I ain't telling or
snitching.
That's why I cut on the cops like coke that's cooked in
the kitchen
I put in work for the set, that's why I get my respect.
I mess with youngsters cind vets who take flight like a jet.
That's why I'm keeping it gangsta they don't like what I
say because I'm doper than hop and I be doper than yay.
I'm so hood for this world that's why I carry a glock and
if you looking for me I'll probably be on the block.
-Gumby
From The Beat: What block? A block that the police can chase you off
anytime they get ready. The block that has someone else's name on all
it's street signs. A block that's own by the government but you are ready
to kill someone over it. Don't play the role of a lost boy in a confusing
world.
BIP Wichi
\
I can't believe you really gone.
I remember when I was kickin' it with you
Three days before I got locked up. We was
Posted with the homies,
Ridin' around in them G-thangs,
with the homies.
It's good though, Fm gonna see you one day.
-Young Slips
From The Beat: Too many people keep dying. Do you see any way to end
this terrible cycle of violence?
A True Friend
X
I think a true friend will never lead you into danger and
would always try lead you down the right path. But a true
friend will also help you when you are in danger and will
face the danger with you head on if he's a real friend.
'Cause sometimes it's no way around the danger...
but a real friend won't run away when danger is there but
well be there for you.
A true friend would do anything to hurt you in any
way but will help you get around it or face the danger
head on.
For example I remember when I was younger and I
was playing baseball with a couple of friends from the
hood. Some old dude ended up hitting me in the face with
a hard ball. At the time I was like 11, and the dude was
16.
So when the dude hit me with the ball, my brother ran
over there and was about to put a beating on bra. But bra
ended saying sorry and I said it was good. I just used that
as an example 'cause my brother had my back and that's
what a true friend does ...and that my brother really loved
me.
-King Dave
From The Beat: That^ a good story about your brother, especially because
you weren't doing anything wrong when that older guy tried to mess
lAfith you. When it gets more confusing is ivhen the danger comes from
dirt you're doing - like a true friend might back you up on a mission,
but an even truer friend
I I
U
Trying to Stay Out
\
Yo Beat! This is Lil' Toro just another day. Trying to
stay out of trouble but just can't say off the block, so I
keep coming back and that's wack but where I'm at keeps
bringing me back and I hate that, so when I get out I will
try to move so I can improve on not coming back and
that's that.
- Toro
From The Beat: Remember, you have choices, and if living the gangsta
mentality is what you are about, then, well, be prepared for further
nightmares!
Saying No
Well I'm going to talk about how hard it is for me to say
no...
Well maybe it's because I'm only a young teen, but it's
really hard for me to say no.
Like one time when my friend told me to run from my
group home, I did because she wanted to see me do it.
Well, it was my choice. I could've said no, but she asked
and she was gonna pick me up so might as well just go
right? Well later I decided not to go back 'cause we were
having too much fun. Then I knew there were gonna be
consequences.
-Julia
From the Beat: It's an important first step that you can recognize your
weakness when it comes to saying no. Next, you have to start saying it.
Especially when you know it's the best thing for you and your future.
Rest in Paradise
RIP Gabe, Daddy, Dame, Tall Kev, Lil Bob, Jeremy
What's up with y'all. I hope all you ninja's res tin' in
paradise. Man It ain't been the same without y'all man,
and y'all already know we keeping it lit fo' y'all.
I see y'all when I get up there bras -- RIP all ma ninjas
and Daddy I love you. I'll see you when I get up there
-Von
From The Beat: You don't need to be in a rush to get up there. Von. if
you truly want to 'keep it lit" for all the young men who were cut down
before their time, do it by getting your own life together and helping
end the violence for the new youngsters coming up.
"Dnn't Live-iife Scared,"
I live by my initials (aka the title of this piece)
'cause that's how I was raised
God is something that I wished that I praised
My daddy told me to live by initials: Don't live life scared
He told me 5-0 and life will never be fair
People think they knew my daddy but they don't shhh
Swoll wasn't my daddy wife he didn't love that b****
My daddy didn't care about his family now I wish he did
All he really loved and cared about
Was his money and his three kids
My dad tried to give us the best
But me and Nee-Nee wanted to be like him
When I was chubby he would joke and tell me hit the
gym
My daddy said forget his family and sold
Weed and coke with his friends
Not knowing his friends would put his life to a end.
-Derrick
From The Beat: It^ a hard weight to bear - knowing that on the one
hand, you loved your dad and he loved you, on the other he was too
caught up to see that his friends weren't his friends at all, and that the
life he'd picked was hurting the children he loved. Have you learned
lessons from his mistakes
live?
about how to choose friends, or how to
//////
The Life In The Hall
Life in the hall really sucks.
There's bad food,
It's cold in the cells.
Fights happen every day,
people get pepper sprayed.
School in the hall is boring.
I pray everyday hoping on my next court date that I'll get out.
In the hall you start missing your family more.
I've been to the hall six times.
The court now is trying to send me to a group home.
When I get out I'm going stop smoking marijuana.
-Arikash
From The Beat: The halls is designed the way it is for a reason. It could
be a cold reality check or it can be your preparation for the big house.
The choice is yours.
RlPJada
RIP to my niece Jada.
I will never forget you and I will always miss you...
I love you with all my heart.
Victory is yours and it will always be.
Love always, your uncle J J.
You're my baby girl
And no one can take that from you
Every time I look up in the sky
I know that tliere's a star with your name on it.
Shine brighter than ever! RIP Jada
-Lir Miami
From The Beat: Even with the sorrow of your loss, this poem left us
picturing your love shining in the sky like the stars you write about.
Thanks for sharing your heart ytrith The Beat!
Saying No, Easy!
No is my favorite word. There was hardly a time when
it was tough for me to say no. But if I had to choose, it
was up in Oakland with my partners smoking blunts and
thizzin' when this dude around 17 tried to spit game at
me.
When he was done spitting game I was checking him
out and he was hella fine, with long dreads, around 6'5
and muscular. I was going to start using my mouth piece
until I saw my ex boo with him and found out they were
partners so of course I was mad, but I don't funk wit my
exes patnas so I just said no, I'm straight and kept it lit.
-Young H
From the Beat: This is a great example of saying no. But do you ever
feel peer pressured to do things you don't want to do? If so, what helps
you stay strong?
U
"Sacrifice" My Child
I'm sacrificing my every move
My every breath
My every word
And anything left
I have a child in
My stomach, so God
Won't let anything
But my best.
Giving up the game.
The life of tears and pain
To be a mother.
Like no other.
I wouldn't change
Before, but now
I have to.
Have to let go
Of the partying
The drugs, the life
Of a young thug.
I have to sacrifice
Things that aren't right
So I can sleep at night.
And so I know baby
Will have a good life.
Take time to mend my
Pain, take time to learn
New things
'Cause I've never knew
Anything else.
I was a wild child
Because no one knew
What or how I felt.
So now I'm sacrificing
That life & that pain
For a new life & a new gain
A love that will remain.
It comes with an innocence.
An unpriceable gift.
I will sacrifice till
I have nothing left.
To promise my child
The best of the best
Never to see the
Life I have lived.
Never to cry the tears
I will cry.
It's the hardest change
I'm going to make
But I know for a certain
It's no mistake
I take each day to make
A lil' more change
'Cause in late November my
Life will never be the same.
So I sacrifice my life
And anything left to be
A mother that loves her
Child more than anything else
And to guarantee my child
Loves the life they were dealt.
-Moriah
From The Beat: This poem speaks with true music and grace about a
mother^ love. We can picture the day, years from now, when your child
has the opportunity to read what you wrote - and the beauty of it is
that you are "sacrificing" things that were hurting you, so the things
you are giving up are things you can do ivithout!
Juvenile Hall Ain't The Shlih
Juvenile Hall really got
My balls sitting here staring
At these four blank walls
Try to play staff for a
Straight through call. The devil
Trying break me but I aint
Gone fall. I grew up too
Fast I tried to walk before
I crawled gotta get a
Real job so I can
Ball till I fall.
-Donald
From The Beat: That's the way to go is through this corporate field.
People with jobs are making more money then dudes that are out
there hustling illegally now a days. Why not make the job field your
new hustle. Something you don't have to worry about going to jail for
doing.
Jali
As I sit in my cell man I really want to yell
'Cause I want to free and be with my family
As they sit there and wait for me over there on my
street.
Got to get out and go back to school got to get an
education
Ain't gonna be no fool.
Got a goal in my life that's all I got to do
Got to stay off the streets
Pray to God to help me be the best
I can be and stop my rob, ask for job
Till I'm 18 and when I'm on my own
Getting my career started
Get my mamma off coach
And put her on a throne.
But still as I sit in my cell
The only thing I can do is sit there and grow my hair.
As I'm in jail, gotta make use of my time
Gotta go to school get some credit
'Cause only God knows where I'm headed
So as I sit there all I'm gonna do is think about my life
And have to change it when I'm free.
The End.
-Joshua
From The Beat: Funny - you write the end, but the way this flow ends
up it feels like the beginning - the beginning of a new life, and a new
way of being in the ivorld, being free not only in body but in mind.
What's the first step you plan to take to make this new life happen?
Kill nr Be Kiiled: An Interview
TBW: The only way to survive is to kill, is this true?
It depends what kind of life you live, but where I live
that's how it be. 'Cause we funkin' all over Oakland. So
that makes it true in my area. But what I mean by the only
key to survive is kill is if you don't kill who you funkin'
with, they gon' kill you, and how you gonna survive if you
dead?
TBW: Is there a way to walk away from the "funkin"'?
No because if somebody gonna wanna kill you, they ain't
gonna stop looking for you until they kill you.
TBW: So does that mean you're trapped?
Yeah
-Reese
From The Beat: The way you describe it here, it's like being caught up
and on the outs is almost as much of a prison as it is being in a jail.
There are no choices... and outside factors still decide what a person can
do. What about leaving? Getting out of town? Do you know people who
were in this situation who figured out a non-violent way out of it?
The Life
Bed sink, toilet, desk, chair, and window
M£iximum security turning me to a weirdo
Walking up in the morning you can't do whatever you
please
What ever on you tray that's what you got to eat
Going to school attending these boring classes
No sunlight, I think I going blind I need glasses
"Time up, times up get out" 5 minutes of shower
Dirty socks, shirt, underwear and dirty towel
I got a Lexus S400 on twenty-two
But now brown khaki ugly shoe shirt away blue
Raise your hand before you get up and move
I use to get a sidekick, hit me three way
No phone no TV no music got to do what the staff say
But I'm a soldier so it don't matter to me
I'm gon' get mine regardless no matter where I be
Is me against the world and that a fact G
All I can do is pray every night
Oh well screw it that just the life.
- Lil' T
From The Beat: Getting yours, at this point, is partly about knowing
how to be true to yourself, how to make the best of a situation, how to
grow inside and stay mentally free no matter what the system decides.
And you get a little more free with every poem you put your heart into
- keep the flows coming, they'll keep your blood "flowing"
1
to
e». I
■to I
Be Careful Who You Haug With
Dear rookies.
This Nell. I just want to put something out there. If
you messing with ninjas who ain't solid, you ain't solid
so step your game up.
It's a new year and on these streets ninjas ain't playing
no games for real. Shhh getting real militant. So if you
ain't on your shhh, you will get hit. This goes for all you
who want to be thugs and think y'all hard.
Just play your cards smart 'cause I'm tired of hearing
so many family member crying. So be smart and hang
with ninjas who are solid and stick with your family
'cause blood is always gone be thicker than water. I'm
I -NeU I
From The Beat: Good point! What do you mean with "ninjas that are
solid? Why not advise them not to hang with people who can get them
I in trouble, and find friends who can pass them a book instead of bottle i
I of beer or a blunt? I
The Real
My finger up to the system
And all respect to those
Who fall victim to no lead-way
But in the world living life free play
And much peace to the victims
Of that he say she say
Thousands of hours steady thugging
And just block hugging
Get free live it up
Pass me freedom and I
Promise I won't give it up
Anxious for a release date
Ready for the next step
And I'm ready to do right...
As sure as Jesus wept.
-T-Rex
From The Beat: We believe you - now it's about convincing that judge.
And also, have you convinced yourself that you can leave the negative
behind? Do you have people that are positive whom you can count on?
-}
ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff
//////
Back In The Halls
What's good Beat? This yo' boy Lil' Curt, hit you with
the no braina. Yo boy boy back on some funny shhh. I
went down for a warrant. I ran from Anglin. I know some
of y'all, like, "Where the hell that's at?"
It's a hour away from Napa. I should've waited for my
PO, but shhh happens. I enjoyed the little time I was on
the run, but now it's time to look at where they about to
send me off to next.
I want to go to the loft but they not messin' with me.
They talking bout somewhere far, but I just gone keep
denying them till I get what's best for me and what's not.
But anyways, I'ma holla at The Beat next week. Until
then, stay up
-Lil' Curt
From The Beat: When you get out and turn right around and come back,
we have to ask if that "no braina" is you! You say you icnow what's best
for you, but the fact that you do the things that allow the system to
lock you in a cage tells u% that you may not be the best judge of what's
in your best interest. Yes, sometimes "shhh happens," but more often,
someone makes it happen.
Maybe Baby
Twenty minutes of pleasure
Eight months I've been in pain
my baby daddy left me
And my baby has no name
May 8, 2008, is the day my son is due
I hope I get up outta here
But if not, what can retrieve 'im
He could've went with his daddy
But he don't even want to see 'im
Twenty minutes of some damn buUshhh
This ninja thought I was out tryna trick
Eight months up in my stomach
Now he talkin' 'bout he don't want it
(To be continued...)
-Sade
From The Beat: We wish we could say that this is the first time we've read
a story like this, but, unfortunately, it's all too common. When children
have children, expecting them to act responsibly may be expecting more
than they can deliver. This is not to let your baby's daddy off the hook,
but only to say that we are not surprised. Far too many grown men act
like little boys in relation to women and children, so it's no surprise
when little boys act like little boys. The lesson we hope you learn is that
you must be the responsible one, not just for your unborn child, but to
protect yourself from stny further examples like this one. After all, there
are many ways to protect yourself from pregnancy {ik% well si% from STDs
wfhich are now epidemic among teenage girls).
I Work For Mioes
It ain't always perfect and for sure damn sure, standin'
steady don't get you nowhere. As for, me I get mines. And
I get it on my own, with my ass on the line to get where I
wanna get. It means much mo' to me that way.
I like workin' my ass off. That way nobody got shhh to
tell me. I'm grateful for all my folks that I can count on. I
know I got the best of the best. And no doubt that when I
do need em' they gone be there for me, and I can most def
count on 'em.
But unless I'm near death, I won't do it. My pride is
high and my independence provides me self-power to get
it together. Life is hard, dependin' how you dress her.
-Get Guap
From The Beat: It's hard to know where your "self-power" and "getting
it on your own" means when all that has put you behind these walls,
if those things get you where you want to get, like you say, then does
that mean you wanted to get here? We think you may have to look at
yourself more critically, because something about your life isn't working
for you. Independence is good. Pride is good. Work is good. But if all
that together can't keep you free, then something isn't good. We'd like
a little of your insight on that.
Stay Up
\
Wha's up with the homies
I heard y'all be talking ish
And actin' phony.
On some straight-ass boloney
Lil' Payasa getting out soon,
Y'all gone see I'ma be shinin' and stayin' tycoon.
Cause in here I'ma butterfly stuck in a cocoon
Shaoooo! (Ha Ha)
So yeah, y'all wanna know where I'm from?
California, San Francisco, Baby.
The city of the classics where the youngsta's crazy.
To my peeps, stay coo' and be safe
Aim high, lay low
So the 5-0 won't have to mess up yo' flow
And get back locked up behind the YGC doors!
-Lil' Payasa
From The Beat: If you're a butterfly locked here in a cocoon, it's because
you've put yourself here. It^ hard to take advice about how to stay free
when the person giving the advice hasn't figured out how to do that in
her own life! If your goal is to "stay tycoon," then your freedom won't
last long, and the butterfly you claim to be will, once again, be shorn of
its wings. Slow and steady wins the race. The rest is a child^ fantasy.
^
Prayiny To Stay Out
J L
My name is Deontae, and I came to juvenile. The first
time I was here for 31 days, a month. I thought I learned
my lesson, but I thought I didn't. But like three months
ago, me and my friend went up to a school called Gate
Way, and they took a I-pod from this boy. Then I was there
and the boy said I punched him. I did but, I said I didn't
but I don't think I deserve to be in here.
I hang with the wrong people. I do things I shouldn't
do. But you know, I pray to God every day that I be safe
£md I do good but this one thing, I mean though, fo' real. I
really want to stay out of here fo' real and I pray that I get
the heck out of here and I stay out of here fo' real.
-Deontae
From The Beat: Okay, Deontae, if you did what you %xy you did, then
why do you think you don't deserve to be here. What do you deserve? Do
you think prayer is a one-way street, that all you have to do is pray to
God and He will answer your prayers? Is it possible that God is praying
to you, too, and waiting for you to answer His prayers? We know what
you want from God, but what do you think God wants from you?
Respect My Mind, Dawo!
What's good lil' round? You know how this young ninja
stay rockin', dawg. I'm still in this hole keeping it gutta
like no otha. Ya heard me. Check it out though, dawg. I'm
finna give you publishers a piece of my mind.
Y'all be talkin' that straight-up BS in y'all response
fo' real. All bull to the side, though dawg, somebody go
mess y'all up fo' real. No lie. Ninja's don't be feelin' diem
responses my ninja, straight up. I ain't tryna get on ya
helmet, I'm just givin' it to you straight up. I ain't go sugar
coat shhh, dawg. I'ma keep it all the way 100%, dawg. Just
get at a ninja how you would want a ninja to get at chu,
bruh. Respect a ninja mind. This goes for everybody.
Ha ha ha! That's all folks.
-Young Iggs
From The Beat: Well here's the deal. Young Iggs. We respect any mind
that teaches, that taices a subject seriously and gets below the surface
so that we can learn from it. We respect that you're keeping it real with
us here, but that's a two-way street, dawg! It sounds like you want to
hear only fake answers instead of u% keeping it real with you! We're
looking for you to give u% "a piece of your mind" that has value to
others, because it's based on some deeper thought. When that happens,
then you can expect to get responses you like better than this. But
always know that we're going to keep it real with you, just like you say
you're going to keep it real with us. Like the old saying goes, "If you
can't stand the heat, then get out of the icitchen!"
\
.-/rA/v#>^v mffwmmmj! ^/^/.^^ff
//////
My Rap
You already know from the town all 'bout the 'hood
Hustlas on the block tryna come up
Girls on the track tryna give it up
Dope dealer youngstas sellin'
My young ones tryna to fade up
From the street raised up on the block
Smokin', just chillin', not thinkin'
Black people wanted cops lookin', searchin'
Gang bangin' young ninjas shootin' heat fully loaded
People ready to flash, talk behind your back
Even yo' best friends is your enemies
Fighting, drinking
Next minute yo' homey flat out on his back
Bullet in his head, blood on your hands
Askin' the Lord who's next
Check
Everybody know 'bout ya boy, Lil' Rome on the mic
spittin'
Coming at you quick
Can you hear the fear in yo' lungs, son
Quit feeling yourself
My shhh going platinum
This how they describe me: s-e-x-y
Got the females on my arm
Got that one million dollar smile drive them wild
Got nine lives
-Jarome
From The Beat: You're rap got a little too nasty at the end. Safe that
childish stuff for a bathroom wall, and respect The Beat enough to be
serious. What you really have on your arm is a bunch of people telling
you what to do day and night, so it really doesn't matter how sexy you
are. Nobody wants to be a %eiic^ slave...
Wish I Knew My Grandparents
I want to talk about me never getting a chance to meet
my grandparents, my grandma or grandpa, because the
ones on mom's side, my grandma had died before I was
born and grandpa had passed when I was like flve. The
ones on my dad side I don't know never before, period.
Ain't seen him in hella long, and I got a lil' sister that I
never met before.
That's all I got to say.
(P.S. Mike, if you don't put this in The Beat, I'm gone
get in yo' ass!)
-Lano
From The Beat: You were cheated out of knowing them, and they were
cheated out of knowing you. We hope you are doing what you need to
do to live long, so that you will at least have the joy of knowing your
own grandchildren, and they will have the joy of knowing you. We have
no comment about Mike's sk%%\\
Tired Of Suckas
You know what I am tired of? I am tired of these people
actin' hella sneaky, thinking they a bad ass. They remind
me of the show with Snoopy. . . and all y'all know who you
are. Man, they thinkin' that they are sick, but when the
beef comes down, they acting hella scared.
These people ain't nothing but 100% fakes. All they
know is to talk behind the vent of door. You ain't shhh
and you know who you are. You a bunch of suckas!
-Lil' Ryder
From The Beat: And do you know what we're tired of? Boys who get
themselves locked behind walls who still think they're better, meaner,
stronger, realer than other boys who get themselves locked behind
walls. Focus on yourself, and not on others. When you gain control over
your own life and stop handing your freedom over to strangers, then
you might have valuable advice to give to others. Until then, you don't
have a foundation to preach from.
X
\
M
* I
* I
U
DnYnu, rma Dn Me
\
I can't do what everybody else doing
I can only do me
I can only do what's best for me
I can't do what's best for you
I can't be me
I can't pretend to be anything else
I'ma do me!
-Monet
From The Beat: Did you mean to write, "I can't be me?" if so, what did
you mean? We'd like to read your description of what it means to do
you and to be you?
3
1
Grief
One time, I was in a group home. My friend and my cousin,
they were running from the police on a motorcycle. They
got away from the police and crashed, and my cousin
flipped over the car and hit his head on the cement and
died.
My friend broke his leg and the doctor said he'd never
walk again, and he might drool and not be able to talk
again. They tried to give him hecka surgeries because he
was in a coma, but his mom said no because she didn't
want him to be retarded, and all that. But now he all the
way back. He walkin', he can run — not all the way run —
but he run with a limp. He play basketball with us.
In my grief, I felt like running away from my group
home, but I got a home pass. I was smokin' and drinkin',
and I was messed up. I felt like killin' somebody, but I
didn't and now I'm all right.
-Ray Bay Bay
From The Beat: We're sorry your cousin died in this situation, especially
because it didn't have to happen. Your friend is much luckier, but he also
paid a price. We wonder whether he is more careful with his life now
than he was then. And we also wonder about your anger, and wanting
to "kill somebody." Who would you have killed? Who was responsible?
Who do you blame? Does this tragic event make you more careful when
you are driving? Do you use your seat belt and drive within the speed
limits?
Hard Tn Say Nn
\
Man, to me I think it's hard to say no because, say, like
your homies like to hit this blunt. Of course you gonna hit
it, because you don't want to be a sucker. You shouldn't
care what other people thinking about you, 'cause it
really don't matter.
-Gilly Rad
From The Beat: Yes, it is hard to say no. You say you shouldn't care what
others think about you, but then you %x^ you're gonna hit that blunt
if your homies do 'cause you don't want to be a sucker. So, do you care
what your homies think about you?
1 i i i i ill \ \
Lost And Not Found
Have you finally found the one you given your heart to
only to find that one wont give their heart to you? I know
I'm young, but I can't help who I love. To give love and feel
like you're not getting it back... does that mean give up
on love, or just that person?
I don't wanna give up on him. I just hope one day he
can feel the same. Have you ever had someone steal your
heart away? Do just about anything to make them feel the
same....
-Ne'Nee
From The Beat: No one can really %xy what love is. But we do know that
when love is not returned, it hurts. We don't know whether you should
give up on him or not, but you are young, and we feel certain that you
will have other loves in your life, and that the feelings you have for him
now won't always be there. When you're feeling what you're feeling, it%
hard to believe that, but we believe you'll look back on this love from a
different place in your life and not be so bothered by it.
\
ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff
//////
light Niikt
X f
Man, this one time we was at the bowlin' alley, right.
We was all with like some females, and then this one guy
walks up to us saying that he was Anna pull off on ninjas.
So then me and my ninjas took off on him and stomped
him out. So then we had to scoot before the police came.
Afta that we went and chilled with them females, and
that's what happened that night.
-K-Clap
From The Beat: Something is missing from this story because it doesn't
maice %en%e that one person would come and challenge a table full of
y'all. So you piled on and beat him up. How brave of you! (We wish you
would use The Beat to say something of value, to teach something of
importance, or just to ask yourself questions about a way of living that
so easily leads to your temporary slavery...)
To Christian
\
The first time I met somebody that loves me on some real
type stuff, I take it for granted. Why? I don't know. But
now that I'm in this same predicament, I see how much I
love you when at first I thought you was only good for sex.
But after three years, that young kid shhh let up.
I hope my ninja's don't think I'ma punk for expressin'
the real, but why should I care because what kinda ninja
is you judging me on how I feel. But I been in this room
thinkin' all this over. I know what we got is real, but I do
so much outta pocket stuff I know it's gone be hard for
you to heal.
But the reason for this stuff is to let you know I'm
ready for something that's real.
Dedicated to Christian with all the love in the world.
-Demetrius
From The Beat: If stnyone thinks less of you because you express love
for another person, then they're thinking like a child, because, believe
VL%, every adult wants the kind of love you believe you have found. So
it's what you feel that counts, and you should never have to apologize
to sknyone for expressing love. (We wish more people would apologize
for expressing hate, but never for expressing love.)
No More
What's good with The Beat? Well, as you know, I'm still
this weak-ass juvenile hall! Forget it! Can't complain now
'cause I'm the reason y I'm in here doin' what I'm doin'...
But yeah, when I get out everything is gone be much
more of living my life than living the street life...
(To be continued...)
-Ulala
From The Beat: Well, at last you're beginning to tell us a little about
what you hope to accomplish when this experience is behind you. We're
all ears. Put it down for us.
Pottiog Ofl A Tougli Exterior
X
Once upon a time I came to YGC. I got put in the room
with a guy that lied and smoked rocks. He used to tell all
these wild stories. When I left his room I found out they
where lies because be said people's names that I knew,
and when I asked them, they said they didn't know him.
He used to cry every night, but when I was there he
didn't. He pissed in the bed and always had to change his
sheets every morning.
-Money The Don
From The Beat: What you write is sad. It reminds u% that we are putting
children into cages and hoping, foolishly, that it solves some problem.
Boys, especially, find it very hard to be completely honest with other
boys about their fears, about their loneliness, about anything they
perceive sk% weakness, so they front and build a tough exterior for the
world to see. It's only after we grow up and look back that we realize
that all human beings have fears, experience pain and share similar
emotions. We're glad that he didn't cry when you were with him. That
%«y% something good about you.
i I
u
Grief
\
When somebody dies, the feeling is very painful. When
you lose someone that you really loved, you can't get them
out of yo' heart. I tried to think about the good times we
used to have, the times we argued.
Just think the positive stuff that the person taught
me or told me to do. What the stuff I mean positive is
that he wanted me to finish high school, get a job, be
successful in life.
-Mike O
From The Beat: We like the way you focus on the positive, even in your
grief over losing someone you love. We think that the best way to honor
the dead is to do good in their name, and to live long and carry their
memory with you.
Grief
Could make you or break you. It's all about how you deal
with it. Everybody deals with grief in their own way. Some
cry, some kill, others kill themselves.
Me, I hold it inside and try to let it out in a positive
way. But it's hard when you lose people back-to-back and
don't know when you gone be next and people gonna
grieve over you... It's a ongoing process. I
-MB I
From The Beat: Yes, life always leads to death, and that makes grief stn
ongoing process. We wish you could give u% some details, maybe some
examples, of how you try to deal with grief in a positive way. When has i
it worked for you? When has it failed? I
Td M) Daghter
\
It doesn't matter what they say
'Cause I'm gonna love you anyway
It doesn't matter what they do
'Cause I'm always gonna be with you
To my daughter Angelic
-Armando
From The Beat: We hope you can keep this promise that you're "always
gonna be with" Angelic. She needs your beautiful self, not just your
beautiful words!
Fufl And Games
Man, a'ight, I'ma tell y'all about this one time I went to
this party, and that party was hella boosie, so me and my
brush cut to this other party. It was me and my ninjas. So
we up in the party dancing with hella females for about
30 mins. until my ninja took off on this ninja because he
was talking hella shhh. So he called all us to get on him,
so we got on that ninjas. The boys came, so we wiggled
hella fast.
Went to downtown Oakland, blew two fat-ass chops,
was on like shhh. That ninja must've said something
to me, I don't remember what it was, but I got on him
gave that ninja grief. So then my other ninja broke it up
because the bus had came.
So we hopped on. I went to the house, ate, took a
shower, watched TV, then fell asleep. I had a crazy-ass
dream that I was goin' to jail and about two weeks later,
guess where I'm... at YGC. Damn! That's something, ain't
it. Karma is hell.
-Whooda
From The Beat: We had to take out a fair amount of this piece because
we don't allow place names, street names — or the names of your
homies, unless they want to put their business out there, but that's
up to them.) As for what you wrote, was the dream of going to jail
connected to all the fighting you did, or were there other things that
led you here? When your reality is jail, and your dreams of also of jail,
it^ probably time to examine your life a little more closely than you've
done up to now...
\
mnnnME Mswmmm^4 ^ ^ / s ^ ^
f/ief ^/
Saying No
X f
Sometime it's hard to say no to people you know, love,
or care about. But the best thing to do is do what you
believe in and what you think is best for your problem,
and that don't always mean sayin' no. It just mean to do
what's best.
I learn by watching and being around older people
that give good advice and not people that will set a bad
influence.
-Felisha
From The Beat: We appreciate this piece, Felisha, because in order to
learn from people giving good advice, we have to be prepared to hear
"No" from time to time. If children are not told no, they never learn not
to run into the street or to play with fire. Sometimes, no is the most
important word we can hear to keep u% safe.
I I
Feelini Ite Vduii Diii)
\
What's modulatin' with The Beat? This the young dunny
Cam, live and on site, trying to get up out this thang. But
I ain't doin' too bad. I know people out there thinkin' bout
a ninja. I didn't even write her or even try to get in contact
with her, but she feeling the young dunny. All I did was go
to her house a couple of times with my lil' bra. But damn,
I'm already committed to another female off top.
-Cam
From The Beat: Well, if this female wants to get with you after only a
couple of visits to her house, you must be putting off some powerful
pheromones (you'll have to look it up...). But tell u% about the other
female you're committed to?
Best Story Ever
Yo, what's good with The Beat, man? Yeah, I'm still in
this damn place, maybe. But I gotta story for you.
One day, I saw this ninja walkin' in the 'jets with the
toast. He wasn't worried about no boys or nothin'. He
hopped in his whip, picked his young ninja up, and was
roUin' around.
He let his enemies have it. I was like, "Damn, bra don't
be playing like bra sick." I heard he didn't even care. He
just drove off smooth, lit up a blunt of some grapes, and
drove to his girl house, had his young ninja in the living
room playin' the 360 Saints Row, and that was it.
-Bb
From The Beat: When we read a piece like this, we wonder how the same
people that do this can also pretend that they pray to god for anything.
How could a person so disrespect what god has created (there's no
greater disrespect than deliberate killing), then talk about going to
paradise? It doesn't make %en%e. Can you explain it to u%l
I *o I
r.
lirief
\
What's up with The Beat? This ya boy Davey-D up in
here holding it down. Well, I am going to tell you about
a time when I lost somebody real close that I lost on the
block.
Well, my homie Slim Thugga was killed a few years
ago on the block 'cause somebody didn't like the way he
did things. This is something that will never leave me,
that will stay with me forever. This is something you
cannot let go if you love the person to death. I feel pain
every time somebody says his name.
All I got to say to the people that done lost somebody,
just take your mind off all the grief and stress that's going
on. Just get on with your life and what you do 'cause grief
is not a good thing.
-Davey-D
From The Beat: Sometimes, though, you can't escape grief even when
you want to. How do you take your mind off it? Do you read? Listen to
music? Drink? What?
u
lirief
\
What's up with The Beat. This ya boy Goo Troop. Yeah,
though, I'm pretty sure everybody knows what grief is. If
you don't know, that's good...
I done lost almost all my thugs to this shhh, man, and
that shhh hurt. Recently, I just lost my grandmother and
that hit me the hardest.
But to all people in here, hold yo' head up. They can't
hold a real ninja down fo'eva. Amerikkka, the land of the
free.
-Goo Troop
From The Beat: It's tragic how many young people lose everything for
games that they didn't invent, and can't even remember how or where
they started, over things sk% meaningless sk% a block or a piece of real
estate they don't even own. We're sorry about your grandmother, too,
but at least she lived a full life. By the way, if they can't hold 'a real
ninja" down forever, we wonder if those 2,000 teenagers serving life
without the possibility of parole were all fake?
Midget With Tourettes
There was a dog, a midget, and a green kangaroo. The
dog had three legs, the midget has tourettes and the
kangaroo can talk. One day as the midget was riding the
three-legged dog and shouting obscenities, he met the
green kangaroo.
"Forget you," yelled the midget. So the kangaroo
kicked him off the dog. Now the midget has broken
neck to go with his tourettes. The green kangaroo was
green because the midget colored him with a hi-liter.
After coloring him with the hi-liter, the midget and his
dog killed the kangaroo and slow roasted it over a fire.
The moral of the story is don't mess with a midget with
tourettes.
-Rhys
From The Beat: For the life of us, we don't get this joke! But we'll try to
remember the moral, so if we ever meet a midget with tourettes, we'll
be very careful what we sxy,,.
I'm Gone Per Vida
Now, it's time for so long. Beat. I'm out of here by Friday
to do a group home in el valle (valley) Visalia for eight
months till I'm 18. It feels like I just woke up emotionally.
I felt like I was hibernating. I can't come back 'cause if I
do it's a wrap — the pen or to YA. And I got a strike and
two felonies.
I've been down since last year from Alameda to here
to take care of a warrant and another charge that got
dropped. I've been to all the units starting in Bl through
B4 to unit 2, 4, 7 then to 6. So I got to give thanks to
Kurt, Chen, Untie, Coogler, Coob Tanner, Sully, Sidey, Ms.
Jacobs, Ms. M, Cooks, Morris... all the staff that watched
me grow from a boy to a teen, from a teen into a man.
To my first PO, Tony Hurley, thank you. You never gave
up on me. Howey Chares, Lorena de Haras and Derrick
Hom, my next POs. Much love an' respecto.
To my homies, keep ya heads up and never let it drop.
When y'all get out., I got chu. I been down for too long. We
still striving for the cause.
-G Shadow
From The Beat: Oh, how we wish you would redefine "the cause" and
begin to see the treasure that you are. Like all the POs you give thanks
to for watching you grow, and especially those who would not give up
on you. The Beat also %ee% something very special about you, something
that makes u% cry if it is lost because you don't see it in yourself. Even
when we hate the message you sometimes try to express, we always love
the way you express it, and we will miss having you in our workshops.
(You might deny it because you think of it sk% a weakness, but we
recognize a deep sweetness buried within your heart, a loving boy who
has built stn armor of protection that has not protected you very well.)
Take very good care, Gangsta Shadow, and write u% from wherever you
are. We want to know that you are safe and well.
fa
1
ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff
//////
X
Stop Thinking About It
Wha's up with The Beat? Man, grief huh.
Grief could be hard depending on what happens. Me
personally, I get over something by just stop thinking
'bout it. But if it's personal loss, like my thugs or family
members, then that stick with me my whole life because
all people I really associate with me, tiien part of me gone,
like.
The pain come and go but I just be coo', like smoke a
blunt or something, get my mind off it. Never heal when
my thugs gone.
-JR
From The Beat: What do you do when you can't stop thinking about
it? Do you ever allow yourself to feel the pain without putting up a
chemical barrier, like drink or smoke? Do you ever just sit and cry?
Aimost Home
I'm almost home, and I'm happy as hell. Got two more
weeks 'til court, then I'm 'bout to do my time. Do my time
get out the system. Get a job, finish high school and do
better. Be with my family and my girl, and I'm going to
still be kicking with my ninjas, but just keep shhh cool
and not come back.
-B.B
From The Beat: Be very careful, EB. Sometimes, we can't have all that
we want. Sometimes, we have to make hard choices. Finishing school
and getting a job is your ticket to a better life, a life without cages. But
kicking it with your homies is a ticket back to lock-up, even though you
believe you can do both. When you keep a foot in two worlds, you're
likely to split yourself right up the middle — and sooner or later, you're
going to have to put your feet down together on one path. Good luck.
My Cousin Was KillGd
What's up with The Beat? This that ninja Tray. Man, I'ma
talk about grief. When I was not even 15, my big cousin
was killed and I was really heated. My aunty was going
bad. That was her only son and her grandson was too.
I was really close to him. TIP Lil' Mitch. So I tried to
be smooth but I couldn't. That's my fam bam, and I'ma
always love you cousin till the day I get up there wit
y'all.
But my word getting short. I'ma talk to y'all later.
-Tray
From The Beat: Every week, we have to read about the violent and
VLnnece%%skf^ death of young people who should still be alive. And every
week we have to %x^ that our hearts go out to the survivors. And every
week we have to remind our writers that everyone has people who feel
sk% much love for their people sk% you feel for yours. As long sk% our hearts
go out only to "our" loved ones but to no one else's, the madness will
not stop. But, like we said, our hearts go out to you.
I I I K
God And Family In My Cnrner ^
Man, I can't wait to I get out of this jail. This time it
was different. I didn't really take this shhh to the heart
because it was going to make things so much harder.
I just thought about my family and how they are in my
corner, even when I let them down.
All I can think about is when my mom called me her
"jail bird daughter." That made me feel hella bad. That's
not what kind of rep I want. At night I just pray and say."
God, would take care of me?" So I leave it in His hands. I
know He got me.
-Domo
From The Beat: it's easy to think about how much you miss your family
when you're locked up, and easy to forget when you're free and back
with them. We hope you remember how much they have sacrificed for
you, and how much they support you, because they want what's best for
you. God is praying to you, too. Do you hear His prayer? Can you give
Him what he^ praying for?
me. ■
U
Tlie Beautifol Corse
\
OK, I say I'm peepin' at it from a distance
Reminiscin' an' driftin', tryna replenish and diminish
resistance
Leaf twisted, I'm tryna figure the difference
From when we toured each other's worlds, numb
considerin' interest
You can remember attention and how I made ya toes curl
with my articulate sentence
Chea, we was makin' relations, that underrated invention
Meanin' we was the occasion 'cause we created the tension
Couldn't break it, so those who hate it slowly faded the vision
Wouldn't waste after we made it, ya know, prayed and
committed
But now we datin' to replace it, just erasin' the feelin's
Separatin', our exploration must have come to a finish
Support ain't givin', but I'm dealin' when confrontin'
beginnin's
Dedicate to no other women as long as somethin' is
swimmin'
In my stomach no other woman beat the sum of what's
missin'
Shhh, I'm goin' through the motions
Struttin' single but still devoted
Miss lady wanna elect me, I ain't tryna be promoted
My emotions is so explosive, but I ain't tryna be noticed
I'm tryna focus, "ya know," smokin' and copin'
No feelin' hopeless, 'cause it was worth it, though the shhh
didn't work
Chea, love hurts, but it's a beautiful curse
This for my Dream Girl, my Baby Mama and my daughter
Papa love his two ladies
This also for the rest of you chicks, man,
Y'all need to make these ninjas wake up and start showin'
y'all they care
Get some love from a ninja before y'all miss
Y'all too simple-minded these days, wake the hell up
Ninja don't want no dumb, weak-ass broad
That shhh ain't attractive at all
A ninja ain't a real goon if he gotta be super touch all the
time and can't accept his emotions
A ninja ain't a man unless he takin' care of real
responsibility, real shhh
Y'all gotta start makin' these ninjas give some real love out
Y'all degradin' y'all self, man
That shhh is sad
I love my baby mama and my daughter more than I love myself
It's more real ninjas like myself out there, you just ghott6a
stop being scared of commitment
Take pride in yourself
I know love hurt, but it's a beautiful curse
-P. Crooks
From The Beat: We don't icnow whether any of the girls you're addressing
this poem to will taice your advice, but respecting yourself is good
advice for everyone. As far sk% love is concerned, by a certain age, nearly
everyone has felt both the euphoria that comes with love, and the pain
that also comes with it. When it hurts, it^ hard to remember what a
"beautiful curse" it can be, but when it^ good, there^ absolutely nothing
better. We're glad you love your two ladies more than yourself — which
means you're ready to stop doing the things that have taken you out
of their lives temporarily so that you can be where you belong, with
Always Sayino Nn
1
1
t
Man, I always say no! Like if a brother say, "Shut up," Fm
like, "No brother, you shut up." Staff be like, "Talk dead."
Fm like, "No ninja." Police be like, "You saw anything?"
I be like, "No ninja. You see something?" So, Fm always
saying, "No," ya dig!
-Money Rey
From The Beat: These are the easy examples of saying no. How about
the hard ones — the times when your homies want you to do something
that you think is wrong, but you go along skny'way because you don't
want to seem like a square or punk? Have you ever had the courage to
%«y no in those situations?
ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff
//////
Martin Luther King Jr
The Beat Within: Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered forty
years ago this week. There have been beautiful tributes
to him, replays of his speeches, and speculations about
who all killed him in documentaries on television all week
long. We at The Beat were just wondering, what have you
learned about Martin King in school, from your family, your
community, your reading? What did his life mean to all of
us and why did he die, do you think?
Panchito: I respect that guy (Martin Luther King, Jr.) He's a
very influential dude.
Texas: He's a very motivational speaker. He was determined
to make a change.
Anonymous: He was makin' a change.
T: He went from being determined to make a change to
makin' a change.
TBW: He made brilliant, beautiful speeches about racism,
poverty, civil rights and about the Vietnam War, which
America was very involved in, in the sixties, while King was
alive. He talked about how any war is really a war on the
poor, because it's mostly the sons of poor families who end
up getting drafted and sent to war. From what Martin Luther
King said in his speech about the Vietnam War, apparently
there were proportionally a lot more Blacks in the service,
during the Vietnam War, than are represented in the about
12% that are in the US population as a whole.
T: Yeah, and it was mostly blacks that were on the front
lines.
P: That's wrong, man. They put the minorities up front. The
white soldiers were way in the back lines.
T: Then, later, they did the Million Man March.
TBW: That's right. The Million Man March was an outgrowth
of King's protests. The March, which was organized by Louis
Farrakhan, was to show that Black men deserved respect,
good jobs, and they need to take responsibility to support
and protect their families and raise their children.
T: They (Blacks in Birmingham, Alabama) boycotted the
bus system for a year because Black people had to sit in the
back of the busses. (During the boycott) people wouldn't
ride the bus. They walked (to work and home again,) unless
they got rides. Some white people helped them and gave
them rides.
TBW: How else did Martin Luther King affect your
generation? What did you learn from him?
P: Barack Obama's running for President of the US. But did
you notice that they (the media) keep saying that Barack's
name is Barack Hussein Obama? His middle name is
Hussein? The CIA's trying to make him look like he's a
hard-core Muslim, so he won't be elected President, or if he
wins, he'll be assassinated. They ain't gonna let him get
elected, 'cause of the Muslims the US is at war against.
TBW: What's up with being a Muslim? What if Barack were
a Muslim? Could he still get elected President of the US if
he were a Muslim?
P: Muslims be cool. My cousins say, "Never rob a cousin's
store in the TL — Tenderloin, unless you got two or three
behind you." My Arab folks and I go to all the (Arab) stores
and ask, "Ya got the new swishers?" I go to one store, "Hey,
Cousin!" Then I go to another store, "Hey, Cousin!" like we
family.
TBW: Are you Arab?
P: Hell, no, I'm Filipino.
TBW: But you live with your family in the Tenderloin?
P: Yeah.
TBW: And a lot of your neighbors and local store owners
are Arab?
P: Yeah.
TBW: And you're cool with them?
P: Hell, yeah. They my cousins.
TBW: Like your "play" cousins?
P: Yeah.
TBW: How else did Martin Luther King affect you all?
Texas: That's (Martin Luther King) where Tupac learned to
rap. Police killed Tupac. LAPD went to Vegas. Tupac was a
movement. Thug Life.
TBW: What about Shug Knight? He was driving away from
the casino after the Tyson flght with Tupac in his car, when
someone shot Tupac. Shot Shug Knight in the head, too.
Why doesn't Shug Knight tell who shot Tupac? He was
there.
Texas: Shug Knight can't snitch. He still went to jail after
that, for a minute.
TBW: So you think the LAPD killed Tupac? Who do you
think killed Martin Luther King? In a lot of specials they're
having on television to commemorate the 40th anniversary
of King's death, they talk a lot about who killed him. There
are a whole lot of theories about who was his murderer.
Who do you think killed King?
P: The KKK (Ku Klux Klan) and the white guy.
TBW: James Earl Ray?
A: I think the CIA.
P: Maybe the FBI and the CIA.
TBW: Well, there are a whole lot of theories out there about
who killed him.
-Rob, Texas and Anonymous
From The Beat: You've obviously given a lot of thought about what
Martin Luther King Jr.'s life and death has meant to civil rights, war, the
poor, to the courage to speak your mind about what you think is right and
wrong, to all of u%. is there stn^one alive now who has the same courage,
heart and stature, and %en%e of purpose and destiny he had? Who has
earned your respect?
\
Is Anybody There?
X
Hello!? Is anybody there? Ha, ha. Naw, ain't nobody
there. What? Wait, I hear 'em hello!? Is anybody there?
Naw, they ain't out there. It's just you...
But they said they would be there; they said they'll
wait for me. They said that they were gonna be here no
matter what... I guess it was just me saying that, not
them. They said they loved me. They told me they would
never leave.
Wait... I hear 'em. Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? Ha,
ha . Ain't nobody there. It's just you.
-Money Rey
From The Beat: We ivish ive understood ivho you are iwriting to — if
you're writing to stnyone at all. We can't tell if this is all happening in
your mind, or whether there^ some event behind your words. Can you
give us skn explanation of this mysterious piece?
II I I I I I I I I I I
II II il !
ziMi'UiMkd^ mmsmmm J! ^ /^ / ^ ^ ff
//// //
Ain't No Jail Type
^ Me And My Steins Frem Tlie OaJdand Airpert \
Man, being up in this thang is ugly for the first time. I
ain't no jail type of guy. I like to be outside networking
with people 'cause that's what it is. I rap with the Hustle
Boy. Our album just came out, so that's a good thang. The
bad part about it, though, is I ain't got my freedom right
'bout now. But I'ma be out.
It's good. Real people do real thangs, and I'm one of
then dudes. I'ma do my time like a man, feel me.
-Young Heat
From The Beat: We're glad to hear that you're "no jail type of guy," but
we'd like some more details about why that is. What makes "a jail type
of guy," and what makes you different? What's your plan for when you
get out of here... the plan that will keep you out of here?
\
mmra
Anntiier Day At Tlie Rancli
\
Yeah, man, it's ya boy Rob G, chillin' here at the Ranch.
Man, I've been here at orientation level, about to hit Level
One, and that means another forty weeks! But, yeah, I'm
here, trying to stay focused, and keep my weeks.
It's hella canned over here. It's different from the
halls, when we get phone calls once a week and we got
to wake up early and go to school on weekdays, because
it's mandatory, but there is some positives. You can wear
your own shoes, white tees, beanies, and the only thing
we wear that is their uniform is dickies, pants and jackets,
and the food is a little better and we get commissary.
Well, Beat I'm gonna cut this off. Until I shut down.
-Rob Gs
From The Beat: Sounds like you're doing all right and iwill make it off
the Ranch on time! You have a good attitude — to learn all you can from
any situation, including and maybe especially the Ranch, for now. What
programs do you wish the Ranch would offer, that would help the other
guys and you on the outs?
My best story is--it was a summer day. I was sittin' on this
block. I was talkin' to my friend and he said, "Let's go get a
car." I said, "Where we gonna get a car from?" and he said,
"We are to the (Oakland) airport."
So we arrived at the airport, (and got into the cars we
chose from the rental lot) To steal rental cars, you just get
in (the driver's seat,) lean back and when no one is looking,
lean back, pull down the visor and the keys just drop in your
lap. You gotta be bumper to bumper against the person's car
in front of you, (and when he) puts the ticket in the machine
(to get out of the lot) you go right out after him. There's no
guy in the toUbooth checking, and the machine thinks only
one car got out of the lot.
I got a PT cruiser and my homie got a Mustang out of the
parking lot. Sometimes I get in a high-speed chase against
the cops, the highway patrol (when we steal cars from the
Oakland airport lot,) but this time (we had no trouble.) We
drove both cars back to the city, goin' 150 (MPH) with no
seatbelts. We got back to (our neighborhood,) picked up
some more thugs. We went on a driving spree. We went to
Oakland to get some toast (bread, money) then we went back
to the city and got our sideshow crackin' and started bustin'
doughnuts. Then the police came and busted it up and we
went home. We just left the cars on the block when they ran
out of gas.
I did get caught for a little Dodge Magnum thing (once.)
They (the police) let me go home. I had to go to court for
it, though. They tried to make me pay a $1000 fine, but I
didn't have no $1000. I probably got a warrant for it, but I
don't know. Maybe my mom got it in the mail, I don't know. I
just went to court that one time. They said I had to pay that
$1000, but I never heard from them.
-Anonymous
From The Beat: That is a good story, and you're a beautiful storyteller,
but it doesn't sound like you're too far from it to be able to %x^ you'd
never do it again. You don't say if your homie and you had any close
calls on the highway from Oakland to your neighborhood, but what if
you'd smashed into another car or over the exit wall? Even if you came
out all right, you'd never forgive yourself if someone got hurt or killed
because of you.
Family = Support
J L
What's good with The Beat? It's ya boy. Young Chink,
holdin' it down as the usual. Today's topic, I am going to
spit and acknowledge y'all on how family will support you
even through the circumstances.
Family. . .very supporting and will help you through all
the bad situations. If you look past the block, the thugs
and the streets, your family will always be there when
everyone is gone. When you're ill, locked up, or zoned
out, your family will be there to guide you to the light. As
for me, my mom is holdin' me down. I got some uncles
and aunties holdin' me down, but my mom is the main
source in holdin' me down. She brings me all the items I
need, visits me faithfully when she's in the area, and gives
me good conversation when we communicate. Well, that's
about it. Just know even through the circumstances, your
family is going to be there when you down and out. To my
mom and my family, I love y'all more than life itself.
Keep yo' head up and never let the system see you
sweat. Keep it solid and remain true.
-Chinky
From The Beat: You're really fortunate to have such a beautiful family,
who is so good to you. Your mother probably appreciates your gratitude
toward her. But if your mom seriously wanted to influence you to stop
whatever you do to get arrested and brought into juvy, what should she
do? Stop indulging you, bringing you whatever you need? Talk to you?
Threaten to ask you to leave her house if you don't stop? Doesn't being
a good parent include knowing when to discipline your child when s/
he keeps messing up? What advice would you give your mother to help
you, or will you listen to your own advice to her and stop by yourself?
r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////
//// //
I'm Changing
^' f
What's crackin' Beat? Well, I don't really have a topic for
today, but I'm doing good! I'm second on the ranch list, so
hopefully I'll leave soon. I just turned 18 on Feb. 25th,
so I need to get out and start my life fresh with my
family. I'm graduating soon and quitting all drugs! I'm
changing my life for my best interest and so I don't end
up in the adult system. Stay up Beat!
-Mely
From The Beat: Good for you, and we'll do our best to stay up.
Gning Fur The Jewels
\
If my house was on fire and I can save one thing it would
be my mom's jewelry box. Because I know she keeps
a lot of things that are important to her besides jewelry
like pictures of my dad before he passed away and all our
important documents.
-Chucky
From The Beat: That jewelry box sounds like something important in
every %en%e. You seem to have your priorities right.
Atout Some Stuff
\
What's up Beat! It's Mario!
I got some stupid crap going on in my life right now.
Well some punk is messing with my family. I think they're
punks because they smash my mom's window as soon as
they find out I'm locked up.
Let me put out a question out there if you get locked
up and some fool messes with your house/cars, that
makes your parents spend more money that they don't
have, if you didn't understand it read it again and think
about it. But in the meanwhile forget those fakes!
Today I found out they burned my homies' mom's
house down with torches wit his little brother and mom
in it.
-Mario
From the Beat: This is horrible. We too would be very hurt and angry.
Remember, wrong does exist, people do horrible things. But you're
shoiAfing exactly iwhy \t'% ivrong. If striking back, ivhich ive took out
of your piece, means you're not there to protect your family, then what
good does it do? It just means they have one less person to stand
between them and doing something horrible. Stand up for what^ right,
don't let them drag you down with them.
This Mind, My Mind
X
My mind is gone in the zone,
but tell me have you ever seen a savage cry in his sleep
because dreams are trying to creep
damn this is a cold world
so cold that when you kill it's sad to say it
nine to the mind you got your going crazy inside
But I'm like a blind man going crazy
'cause I can't see the light
So hold that to your mind and think of me
I'm ride 'till the day I die
a savage is what I am,
the gang life what I live
So growin up on these streets was so hard on me
that I couldn't see the end of me
my life is crazy so don't mistake me for a punk
-S
From The Beat: Everyone goes crazy sometimes, when the world
seems to swirl around and nothing makes %en%e. And people may not
understand it, but it's real. But there is skn end to it. Sometimes if you
just take a step back, and think about things, it'll make more %en%e, and
maybe you'll be a little better off.
Messed Up
You guys are messed up because you guys told me I was
bull. Oh yea - what about you guys? I bet you won't put
this in The Beat. I'M SMART. The End.
-Jazmin
From The Beat: Hey, we do make mistakes, but are you sure we made
one with you. We don't doubt that you're smart. But being smart can get
you in a heap of trouble if you don't use your brains for good things.
What did you say that caused u% to make the comment that obviously
hurt your feelings? Talk ivith us about it ivhen we meet again.
J L
TIlis Rnad
\
I hate going down this road and not knowing where it's
going to end.
I can't even think without remembering my boyfriend.
Being in here makes me stop and realize
all the things in my life that I have jeopardized.
Why can't my life be normal?
I'm just sitting in here having to be formal.
God, please send me to Heaven already because I'm
living a life of hell.
Been in here so long startin' to look pale.
People say life is a game - the way you live is the way
you play -
just like playing a life of poker. Get the wrong card and
your life is over.
-Salinas
From The Beat: Forget those cards. They limit you. Life is complicated.
Yes, there^ skn element of chance. But much depends on the conscious
choices you make. Don't be a cop-out. Don't blame fate for situations
you could have avoided. Start today to create a vision of the life you'd
like to live. To u%e your own metaphor, choose a road that will lead you
to the destination you want to reach. And never forget that the trip
itself IS your life, sk% you live it, day by day.
Tlie Item and Persnns I Wnnld Save
Whatt up Beat, it's your boy up in here writing from
the. Well the topic today is about what would I save from
a burning house. The thing that I would save from a
burning house would be my birth certificate because I
would really need that paper. The other thing that I would
save from a burning house would be my family because
I really have feelings for them and I love them. My little
niece would be the first one out because she is only one
year old and she has more years to go.
Well Beat stay up and I will see you next time, late.
-Pee-wee
From The Beat: It sounds like your priorities are in the right place. We
wish you and your family all the best, and hope you will stay with them
sk% much sk% you can.
;m I
Good News
Well Beat, today I got new good news. The first is that
my sentence WAS the ranch and now I'm looking at four
months life skills. I just have to wait for my next court
date, so now I'll be getting out earlier than I was even
planning on.
Second, I just found out that my sister is one month
pregnant, and now I'm excited for her. Anyways - I'm
excited for my sister and I hope for the best for her. I also
hope to get out soon so I can stay by my sister's side
through her pregnancy.
-Tatiana
From The Beat: And we hope so, too. Spend those four months wisely
^
r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-////
//// //
Growing Up
X f
I believe it does take a squad to raise a child, because the
hood has a major impact on your seed. I know mine does.
If I wasn't raised in the hood and exposed to outlaws,
then I would be good. It took me a while to finally get it
right, and make the right choices, because I don't have
too many chances in this boosie county.
When I get out I'm skatin' back to my county. But
yea, I'm glad that my whole case is over because I've been
sitting in here for dumb long - doin' dead time. So, I got
court next week, and hopefully in four months I could
finally touchdown - home. Well, 'til next week Beat, I'm
out.
-Shatweezie
From The Beat: So now you know. You've had to learn it 'the hard way',
but you've learned it - we hope. Use that lovely brain of yours wisely.
The Begging of my Soffering
\
When I die I would be grateful if you put on my tomb
two bottles of Mezcal.
Because I know I'm going to die over a hangover
And you know it's your fault because I can't forget you.
Every night when I hit the bottle I see you inside of it
And I start to speak to you
In a while I feel that you're hugging me tight as
Though it was true I love you I love you and it's not true
When I get sober off my crazy thoughts it's the
Beginning of my suffering because I look for you and
You're not there
From my eyes I shed tears because I love you
So much I can't help
-Crazy
From the Beat: Grief is the hardest process a person can ever go through.
It's ubearable for a while, and never fully goes away. But it gets better,
so long sk% you try to face it rather than drowning it. All that fear, all
that pain, becomes a part of you, and you can accept it. Good luck.
Wlien Tilings Go Wrong
What's up Beat? I hate being in here. I can't even drink
a beer. I refuse to lose, beg, and pick and choose. When
my mom comes to visit me I hate saying goodbye. But
as the days go by I confide, and decide I don't want to be
here any longer. But my heart grows stronger. So now I
wait for the day I will walk out of the gate, hopefully, with
no more hate. Well, to - stay up. THINGS GO WRONG BUT
LIFE GOES ON!
-Becky
From The Beat: Your last line is true, true, true. Some say that the real
measure of u% is how we deal iwith life iwhen things do go wrong. What
do you think?
What I \m\
\
I7P ■
Well what's up Beat? I am very disappointed because we
did not receive The Beat this week but hopefully we will
get them next week. Well my time is almost coming for
me to get out.
I pray to God to forgive me for my sins and pray that
everything goes well. I have a job planned out to work
with my Step-Dad. From 5:30 AM to 7:00 PM. So I'm
gonna be busy all day so that's good.
Well the unit is doing good for right now. Of course
you never know what happens. Well I ran out of words.
So with this I am out till pencil meets paper, alratos.
-G
From The Beat: You seem to have a good plan for the future. Good luck
on the outs, and good luck with your faith.
Tliani(s Beat!
\
Thank you to all Beat staff for being here for the whole
Santa Clara County. Well I'm going to be getting out soon,
thanks for letting me express my feelings on paper, I will
miss you all... And to Morgan the staff thanks for all the
help. Bye.
-Lil' Tim
From The Beat: We appreciate the thanks, and we wish you all the best.
We have faith you'll make it good.
Waiting
What's good with my peeps and The Beat? Me, I'm just
waiting. Well I'm not feeling these topics so I am gonna
get on with my own.
I'm waiting to get sentenced.
I'm waiting to do my time and get out.
I'm waiting to reunite with my family.
I'm waiting to get back with the squad.
I'm waiting to get out and be with my girl.
All this waiting I'm doing ain't cool, but I'll tell you one
thing -
I did the crime so I'm gonna do the time.
I'm out.
-Sephina
From The Beat: While you're doing all that ivaiting, ivhy not begin
to prepare for the life you really want to life. We've known you long
enough to have discovered that you are a very bright human being. But
even the brightest of u% have to have our priorities straight, and have
to use our talents on what's really important. For instance - what^ really
more important - getting "back with the squad", or getting ready to
further your education. There are dozens of questions we could ask, but
you're plenty bright enough to ask them on your own. Use your gifts
Sephina. You have a fine mind and a good heart. Set your sights high.
Mad
f I
What's up Beat, well today we could write about anything.
Today I am writing about JH, this place that is dirty and
don't have respect for us minors.
For once in my life I want to get noticed and respected
by some of these staff. Well some of these people or
counselors are all cool, not all, put some people down
in here but they lock us kids in here. I am mad at these
places or prisons that how they make their money. I wish
I never get locked up again.
-Tim
From The Beat: We know things seem harsh sometimes, and not everyone
is perfect, but it is usually intended to help, even if the communication
isn't so great, it^ good that you can let out the frustration, and can say
what you mean.
\
Rigiit Tn Learn
u
When I went to regular high school that stuff was hella
boosie. Classes were two hours each. Nobody wants to
sit listen to a whole bunch of non-sense for that long.
Regular high school is good only if you wanna be social.
If they cut back on 5 billion dollars from regular
school, it shouldn't phase them because ain't nobody
going to learn anyways. But if it's community school,
then that's a whole different story, because what more
could they take from there?
-Nessa
From The Beat: Yes fAe%%sk, community schools would feel the cuts too.
And by the way, we don't buy that business about not being able to
learn anything in high school. You get out of stn experience what you're
willing to put into it. You obviously didn't put much into it. Maybe there
were good reasons why you didn't. Maybe not. But it sounds to u% as
if you aren't yet willing to take your fair share of the responsibility for
lAfhat lAfent ivrong. Not much ivill change until you do.
t
.-/rA/V#>^V mufwmMMj^i
//// //
I Watch The Moon
rm sorry for the pain que te di (I caused you)
Cosas que no debian haber sido asi (Things that were
not supposed to be like that)
Coming home 'til like, two or three
I was drinking and doing drugs like a foo'
All the shhh I made you go through
Now I'm locked up and you're out there
I guess life just isn't fair
Now I'm paying my consequences
Doing time 'til the day of Mexican Independence
I guess God gave me another chance
I could have got sent away
Thank God I'm not, so I pray every day
From my window, I look out and watch the moon
Jeflta, I can't want to come home
I'll be home soon
Jeflta, te quiero
-Shy Boy
From The Beat: You've written a beautiful poem to your mother. It may
really help her to know you're thinking about how your messing up
affects her, and maybe she can stop worrying and grieving that you're
in juvy and not home.
I Caonot Trust You
You've once asked me if I would ever take you serious
How do you expect me to answer, when you make me so
furious?
In my mind my answer is a "no," so I cannot say "yes"
Every time you tell me something, you look me in the eye
But I still can't tell if you're telling me the truth
Or just another lie
Why can't you be honest with me?
I just don't know why
You tell me that you trust me, but I cannot trust you
At least not yet, until I flgure out if you're true
Sometimes I wonder if you're just a fake
Maybe getting to know you was just a mistake
But when I flrst saw you, I took another glance
Baby, you let me know if you really want to give it a real chance
-Shy Boy
From The Beat: It is often hard to get to know if someone's playing
you or not. Is this young lady doing something specific you suspect is
phony, or do you doubt the sincerity of ladies in general? All you can
really do is hang with her and watch her. Regardless of what she says
about herself, slowly she'll reveal who she is.
My UuGle's Silent About The Salvadorean \
^ I Civil War
My mother told me her brother, my uncle, was in the
(civil) war (in El Salvador, where our family is from.) He
ran away because he was scared of dying. He was in the
(Salvadorean) military/paramilitary, the death squads, but
I never asked him (about it.) We just made fun of him
because he was scared and ran away.
My uncle was here (in the US) for a couple years.
He paid for the coyote (someone who smuggles people
across the Mexican/US border into the US.) He went back
to Salvador because he didn't like it here (in the US) that
much — it was too expensive. He couldn't flnd that many
jobs. He now works on the farms, growing crops, raising
his family. It's peaceful, but there's parts that are rough
in Ahuajapan (the province of El Salvador where he lives.)
It's poor. I'm gonna go visit him when I turn eighteen.
-losepi
From The Beat: Have you learned stn^ more about the civil war in El
Salvador, from 1980-1992, during which 75,000 were killed, from
anyone else or from reading histories about Salvador? Sometimes the
death squads disappeared all the young men from entire towns, and
their families often found their bodies in the "Valley of the Dogs" a
dry riverbed running along ^stn Salvador, El Salvador^ capital, or they
never saw their sons/brothers again. Why don't you listen to people
who survived all sides of the civil war? Maybe you'd develop some
real respect for your uncle who may have left his unit because he was
afraid or maybe because he couldn't stand the duties the death squads
demanded of him.
My Dream
Going 'round the world is my dream
Showing off this bling
I'm not gon' stop
You know it
Be you know I go so heard
Drop ten, then eighteen bars
All gas, no brakes
Got stashes of yay
You do not want to fight
Because I'm all in the paint
My dream is that my rap group go pro
All gas, no brakes
Peace, Beat
We don't' say "yeah", we say "yee"
-Lil' Hus
From The Beat: Okay, we've read about your dreams, but what do
you have to teach anyone who reads this? Next week, why don't you
concentrate on writing a poem about your rap group? Do you write
raps yourself? Do you have stny serious raps that come out of your
experiences? That we'd love to hear/read/learn about.
-\
Dumb One
x
Man, we go so hard
Drop eighteen bars
Going dumb on cars
So I am so dumb
Get kicked out the club
Even though I'm not old enough
You know what it is
We gone thizz
Pop my collar
Then spit at this one girl
Do the drop
'Cause I'm doin' the for real
Get back up
Get to the counter
So I can fill my cup
These drugs taking over
It ain't my fault
Go so hard, go harder
Than a block
To all
Stay up
Peace out
-Lil' Hus
From The Beat: This thizz/hyphy rap may be what's in your imagination,
but what's really going on in your heart? If, sk% you write, drugs are
really taking you over, what are they doing to your mind/body? What
is your life really like? How can anyone get to know you beyond your
hyphy self?
I Was So Oi Last Niikt!
u
Stunnas on no lenses
Eyes bigger than half dollars
Yee! I go.
I'm still on. Yee.
-Dame
From The Beat: Are you still "on"? What are you like when you're "off"?
Who are you under the hyphy persona you present?
J
fa
r/r A/v#>^v mmMHmm j^ / ^ ^
//// //
The Best
This person is the best
Even when he's at rest
He takes care of me
But why can't my PO see?
That he's not a bad person
That every situation will never worsen
This person is my street dad
We both know he ain't bad
This is for you daddy
I know you be ridin' in your caddy
I can't wait to get out and see you there's no doubt
You tell me not to be blazin'
'Cause I'm your baby J'son
I'll listen to you 'cause you ain't no fool
- Shenee
From the Beat: If this person you call dad means so much to you then
you should take his advise, and not be "blazin"' all that will do is keep
you jail and away from your dad.
Grief
Me as I have lived my life living life as a thug
I have grieved three different people all family.
I will recover some, but as I lost my sister Kiara in
Hurricane Katrina
who was only four years old
now that is not right at all.
Next my great grandmother Dorothy
who had a heart attack
she helped me and my mom when we were struggling.
Then my stepbrother Chris died,
he killed himself, and he didn't have his mind right at
the time.
But living life
my life as a thug
it is hell.
This is what my family and I have to remember.
RIP Kiara, RIP Dorohy, RIP big brother
-Lil' Toes
From The Beat: Your life is not easy. When we met you, you informed
u% of your troubles, we do hope life has settled down some. Best to you
in making good choices sk% you work towards staying out of the system
for good.
What Is An Older Brother?
X
Somebody who's there when you need to listen when
you want, to get something of your chest, or some one
who's there to give you a hand when you find yourself in
a bad situation. Or is it just somebody who you can have
fun, and relcix with?
Maybe that's what an older brother is but me... me;
I'm none of those things. I get mad. I get violent. All the
things in me that could make me a potential role model,
a smile on my face every now and then could help, but
when I smile at my moms last child. I can see the fear
in his eyes, and for me my older brother was so great at
doing what I can't. I want to do for my lil' bro what my
older brother did for me.
But when my mom asked me "Why aren't you like
Sam." I begin to crush under the pressure, but maybe one
day when I'm not in any kind of a locked down facility I'll
be what my older brother was for me to my lil' bro.
-Anthony, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: With time you will be just that a 'role model' for not just
your little bro, but for any young person that looks up to you. Get the
help you need for your anger now, so you can be the role model you
want to be.
Grief
\
It's early yet the month is one
Although you can't see me I've just begun
I'm a little seed growing inside of you
It's early yet the month is two
Even through you cant see me I'm apart of you
Wait and see mommy will be so very proud of me
It's early yet the month is five
Mommy killed me
I'm no longer alive, abortion
Is its name taking a life before it's alive?
We'll time has been passing
I would have been born right on time
Even thought I'm in heaven I must cry
Because of mommy I had to DIE.
-Baby Bashful
From The Beat: The choice of abortion is not one that stny one person
should have, to make. However, This is a choice a person will have to
live with for the rest of their life. Remember there are people you can
talk to about things like this, don't let this build up inside before it is
too late. Reach out a hand for help and advise.
^
My Sadness, My Loss
\
I have this beef
From my grief
For you grandpa I cried
When I heard you died
For the fool who killed you
I wish there was something I could do
The law said, "let us handle it"
But I said no that's bull
After I felt like dying
Then grab my nine
Wishing I could find the fool
So I could put his in a blood pool
Before the fool got popped, I stopped
Then just dripped to my knees
Begged God please to bring me back to you
Then I thought of what you'd say, so to this day I pray
For you I still cry each and everyday.
Wishing you'd come back today
Like they say, "what comes around goes back around"
For the fool who killed you
I pray that he'll get his payback too
I love you grandpa
- Shenee, Land Of Enchantment
From The Beat: Many people believe that, "What goes around comes
around" but you must remember one thing your grandfather's words of
wisdom. Use his wisdom to better your life not destroy it; he wanted
you to have a long happy life prove this can happen.
1
Troubles
X
u
Troubles leaving the front door
With this crap on my ankle
Trouble with my mom
I can't even talk with out her getting pissed
Trouble with life
Where should I be at?
Trouble spiritually'
What should I believe?
Maybe next time around there won't be any trouble
Maybe everything will just chill out?
Till then
-Tyler
From The Beat: Not to bear you with bad news, but life gets so much
harder sk% we get older. Bottom-line, more responsibilities! Good luck!
fa
.-/rA/v#>^v mmM/wmM^M /^
Lo Que Ha Sido De Ml
X
Q ondas raza Catracha. Mi nombre e s Ernesto. Les
quiero contar algo de mi vida. Antes de todo les mando
saludes a todos.
Yo Uegue a los Estados Unidos cuando tenia 16
afios y ahorita tengo 17 afios. Todo ese tiempo, me la
he pasado trabajando de Uantero, o sea reparando Uantas
de carro. Me ha ido bien mal, pero le doy gracias a Dios
porque fue el oflcio que aprendo aunque pagaban muy
poco. Por esa razon fue que tome la decision de ir a la
calle a vender drogas. Les quiero dar un consejo, que si
les salen oportunidades que no las desaprovechen y si
pueden trabajar legar, haganlo.
Esta es el dibujo de la mariguana, si tienen este vicio
dejenlo porque es malo para su salud. Todo tipo de droga
es dafiina.
Andar en la calle no es bueno porque es muy peligroso
y demasiado arriesgado. A los que quieran vender drogas,
cuidensen. Se que nosotros los hacemos por necesidad.
Les deseo suerte.
From The Beat: No hay cosa tan bella que sentirse orgulloso al ganar el
dinero trabajando legarlmente y honradamente. Cualquier penny que
venga de cualquier tipo de trabajo honrado es un dinero bendecido.
Nos alegra que te hayas dado cuenta del dano que csku%skn las droga
y la venta de droga. Al vender no solo estas matando gente, sino que
destruyendote tu propia vida y perdiendo tu libertad. Siempre recuerda
que el dinero mal habido, mal habido se va. Esperamos que esos
pensamientos positivos se queden en ti siempre.
What I Gone Through
What's up my Honduran people. My name is Ernesto. I
want to share something about my life. Before all, I want
to send my greetings to all.
I came to The US, when I had 16 years old and now I
am 17. All this time, I've been my time working in a tire
shop, fixing tires. Things have gone bad for me, but I still
thank God because that's the career I learned to do even
though I was getting paid very little
. That's the reason I decided to sell drugs on the streets. I
want to give you an advice, if you get opportunities in life,
don't miss them and if you can work legally, do it.
If you have the bad habit of smocking marijuana, quit
it because it's really bad for your health. All type of drugs
is bad.
To be on the streets is dangerous and very risky. To
those who want to sell drugs, take care. I know we do it
because have needs. I wish you good luck.
-Catracho, San Francisco
From The Beat: There isn't such sk% thing that feeling proud by gaining
money legally and honesty. Every single penny that comes from hard
working and legal is blessed. We are happy to know that you found out
that harm drugs does to people. By selling you're not just killing people,
but also destroying your life and giving away your freedom. Always
remember that esksy money comes and easy goes. We hope you keep
your positive thoughts aliways active.
J
En Mi Gamine
Hola yo me vine de Honduras con unos amigos que nos
llebabamos muy bien desde que teniamos 5 afios.
Cuando ellos me dijeron qu si me venia con ellos,
yo les pude decir que no. No me arrepieto de tomar esa
decision. Cuando veniamos, mi amigo no se pudo subir
al tren porque era su primera vez. Se aguito y se puso
a gritar que me tirara del tren para que me quedara
haciendole compafiia. El tren iba muy recio, pero me daba
pesar dejarlo solo. Entonces me tire del tren y casi me
quiebro los pieces. Estuve en casa de una sefiora quien
me dio quebrada porque me habia lastimado el piez de la
cahida que me di. Me dolian mucho y no podia seguir en
el camion con un piez medio quebrada. Le doy gracias a
Dios que llegue a los Estados Unidos con mis amigos.
From The Beat: Hicistes lo correcto en haberte quedado con el. Esto
demuestra el tipo de amigo que eres. £Que te paso? £Por que estas aqui
sabiendo que te salistes de tu pais para unsk vida mejor? £Es este lugar
la razon por la cual venistes? Tienes que empezar a estimar las cosas que
son dificil de obtener como estar en este pais y la libertad.
On Tiie Road
Hi, I came here with some friends who I've known since I
was 5 years old. When they told me that they were coming,
I couldn't say no. I don't regret taking that decision.
When we were coming, my friend couldn't get into the
train because it was his first time. He gave up and asked
me to jump off the train so I can be his companion. The
train was going fast, so I jumped off and I almost break
my feet. I spend a few days in a lady's house because I
hurt my feet from the accident. It hurt me so much and
I couldn't continue with my journey with a feet almost
broken. I thank God I came to the US with my friends.
-Ernesto San Francisco
From The Beat: You did the right thing in staying with him. This shows
the type of friend you are. But, what happened? Why are you here after
leaving your country for a better future? Is this place the reason why
you came? You need to start appreciating the things that are hard to get
like the privilege of being in this country and freedom.
fa
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^2^^wjE7mmM/i^mA^u-^//jjj/
''T¥L,Bff ^H^, T-^BX'
Milleniul Hip Hop: "Ghettoism", our oofloratiofl?
Part 7: Hip-Hop
The issue of Hip-Hop are rap, which I will just generalize as
Hip-Hop, is a major concern, I believe, for our generation.
The power it wields is impressive.
Hip-Hop radiates from speakers in all walks of life.
The people who listen to Hip-Hop hears the words and
gain understanding to lives outside of theirs. They feel the
struggles being portrayed on tape. Hip-Hop has the power
to entrance people and take them on a journey to places
they've never been. The influence to be gained by Hip-Hop
cab radiate further than any advertisement campaigning
equipment imaginable. It has the power to reach all walks of
life and portray the realities unknown to the majority of the
population,
Hip-Hop also has the power to influence choices, to
change lives and to create new social movements whether they
are positive or negative. Just look at the "hyphy" movement
which radiated out of a couple small city neighborhoods.
Needless to say, the power behind Hip-Hop is very influential
and widely accepted.
The image that a lot of Hip-Hop music portrays is not
a positive image. So, with its powerful life influencing
possibilities, is this the type of image we want entering the
nation's sound waves? The songs glorify block livin', gang
bangin', thuggin', hustlin', and everything else that comes
from the street. Yes, these are the sad realities of people
across the nation and Hip-Hop is a way to show our struggles,
but if music it is done in a glorifying manner it will only lead
to more gloriflcation.
The power of influence or suggestion can transform lives.
If all we hear about is drug dealin' and hood livin' these life-
altering attributes will start getting played out by listeners.
This is a problem when people take the lyrics and try to act
them out in life. I am not saying we should stop explaining
the situation of the street, but I believe we should show our
struggle in an un-glorifled way and offer solutions to our
problems instead of more crime.
Our tapes are heard by more than just us. The "ghetto"
generationers and Hip-Hop listeners. If our music does not
better its image it is portraying, it will continue to lose the
influence it has in society, like what is currently happening.
Less people are listening to Hip-Hop in general because of
the repetitive themes being played on the records. For too
long have we been hearing about "icy don flgas" and so much
cash that they can throw it around. The music is losing
it's meaning quickly by addressing nothing but the vain
pleasures of money. What happened to the earlier messages
of Dre, Snoop, DMX, 50 cent, Eminem?
I'm not saying these are all positive messages, but they at
least held the truth out for people and gave them something
that was real in the community. Tupac and Biggie Smalls
were notorious for the way they could address issues of the
day with their lyrical abilities. They let the mass media hear
it. These two would spit rhymes about the blocks, jobs or
lack of job opportunities, the realities of people just getting
out of prison, teen pregnancy, drugs and the effect they had
on society. They were not afraid to address problems. It was
not always done in a positive way, but even with the negatives
they portrayed they proved enough to become the voices of a
generation split between East and West.
With the Hip-Hop industry today a lot of people with
messages are not being heard, because of either lack of
popularity due to the "hype" or for the simply fact that
many morally just Hip-Hop fans are not standing up and
supporting them. "Common" and "KRS-one" are just two
rappers in a whole movement of rappers trying to save Hip-
Hop. "Chamillionare" just released his last album without
cursing. We do have artists who are trying to change and
positively influence Hip-Hop. But, these people are not being
Our first writer we got for y'aii is writing to u% from Solano County
Jail in Fairfield, Ca. lyier is a great writer that comes with some
very potent material for y'all to inhale. He^ talking about the young
generation and the future of America, lyier is preaching about Hip Hop
and how most rappers are just talking about money but aren't talking
about the issues that the people face in the community every day, just
like 2pac and Biggie used to do. So peep this article out and soak up
some knowledge.
heard as much as the glorifled cash hungry rappers that
flood the airwaves and top charts. If we could get the voice
of a few artist who want to use the influential power of Hip-
Hop for good to the top of the charts the rap industry could
change. It will let society know we are people with struggles,
not just lost souls floundering around in money with drugs.
Our struggles need to be heard. Hip-Hop produces an
opportunity for us to voice ourselves in a style we have
adapted to generate support for all of us. Hip-Hop can and
will make a positive turn if we continue to approach it in
a positive manner to show our true selves and not just
continue to use it to portray our debauchery and degrading
lifestyle.
Hip-Hop is the way for our people to easily penetrate
places we normally would not be able to. Politicians are
people with children. I'd bet some of them listen to Hip-Hip
and that would mean the parents, politicians, will hear the
voice of the artists. This being just one possible example of
how our music can reach out to all people.
Now, if we as a whole would come together and hold
Hip-Hop accountable for the image it is projecting we can
influence a change. Hip -Hop is basically the face of our
generation. People hear it and think the words in the song
describes its listeners, or summarizes the general attitude
and way of living for those who are embracing it's culture.
So, with this negative image of Hip-Hop combined with the
negative social image some of us portray, it continues to
make our culture more of a burden than a blessing. Thus
making our struggle to be heard harder than it already is.
Hip - Hop holds the key to opening a major door for
change in our generation. If used correctly it can help
influence it's listeners to pursue careers, socially acceptable
living, change peoples direction away from crime. Yet, we can
still use it to show the realities of the gang and street life, to
show the all consuming power of drugs, relay the problems
centering around sexual relationships, voice the lack of
opportunities for personal advancement and give possible
solutions to these problems. This will prove we are not just
reveling in our horrible situation.
Hip-Hop can bring conscience awareness to our issues
and this will help shine truthful light on our situation. Hip-
Hop must change its direction for the potential that lies
within Hip-Hop is far to valuable to be wasted. Like Tupac
said " still I see no changes"
MILLENIUL HIP-HOP: **GHETTOIS]V[*%OUR
GENERATION?
PART 8: CONCLUSION
Herein lies the potential of our generation. I believe with the
tools we have available we can unite to create a powerful
change. But, like I have been emphasizing throughout these
papers our image, our demeanor, our way of life must change.
For like Emerson said "What you are shouts so loudly in my
ears I can't hear what you say".
We must start with changing ourselves before our
communities, states and nation. William George Jordan
said, " Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous
power for good or evil- the silent unconscious unseen
influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of
what man really is, not what he pretends to be." So before we
can gain power for our generation we must change ourselves
for the better. We are all actors in this play.
This does not mean necessarily that we must change our
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
^7/?7wn7mmm mMu / ; | : / // / / /
'T¥L,B/? f7Hf7. T-^BX canr'
culture, but it does mean embracing the positive side and
shunning the negative. " No one can persuade another to
change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only
be opened from the inside. We can not open the gate of
another either by argument or by emotional appeal," Marilyn
Ferguson.
We will always have the struggle of the street. With
this knowledge we must help bring attention to the street
struggle. We can portray the realities properly to people in
order to get the proper facilities or programs to help improve
the struggle we endure living in the harsh world. People can
not read our minds. We must voice ourselves openly and
properly to be heard. We have the outlets to make a voice if
we just utilize them properly. Hip-Hop, a common culture,
common struggles, the potential for no race within our grasp
to use and make our generation heard.
What we've been through, what we know and who we are
can bring solutions to some of the nations biggest problems.
Murder, drugs, sex, gangs, robbery, rape. This is what all too
many of us know. We have experience in our generation's
struggles. Many of us are stuck in the struggles not seeing a
way out or escape route any time soon. But, this can all turn
out for the good if we just utilize what we know to influence a
change. We can have a voice people in learning about who we
are. For those who aren't numbers, we can help them avoid
becoming one by teaching them, they are our voice.
If we change the negative image of our generation people
will listen. We must not be afraid of this challenge. " No man
should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty,
whether in a similar situation he might not have done the
same... we had to learn ourselves, furthermore we had to
teach despairing men, that it did not really matter what we
expected from life, but rather what life expected from us...
for what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely
human potential at it's best, which is to transform personal
tragedy into a triumph, tot urn one's predicament into a
human achievement... (Dr. Viktor Frank) " Man's search for
meaning. We can achieve a change for our generation. We
must not give up on the betterment of our people and future
generations."
This "ghetto" culture can bring unique unity to those
who embrace this lifestyle. We can use it to our advantage
if we can see past our differences along with the destructive
"hype" that comes along with the "ghetto" nation and look at
the realities that can accompany this cultural movement. If
we do not do it for us, then we should at least do it for those
who might possibly follow in our footsteps and the next
generation to come along which will consist of our kids.
We can bring change, we do not have to let our
environments control us and let what society labels us as
stop us from changing those environments and the ingrained
views of society. "Never feel shame for trying and failing. For
he who has never failed is he who has never tried... let us
act now even though our actions may not bring happiness
or success, for it is better to act and fail than not to act and
flounder. "Ogmandino.
With all this said the potential we hold, as a united
culture with common goals and lifestyles, is the key to our
future success in my opinion. There is a lot I did not cover
in these brief papers, but I believe I got my point across. We
must use our "ghetto" culture to unite us as a whole. We
must embrace the positive side to the "ghetto" movement
and try to change the negative. Knowing who we are and
where we're from will help us to work a change. We must
further the work of passed generations and overlook socio-
economical standings, race and sex boundaries and consider
everyone as equals. We must get active in politics to help
save our culture. We can bring about change for the street
with the knowledge we have. Knowing we can not eradicate
completely all of the crime, drug and prison problems we can
help them improve by giving more options to those who want
a way out to flnd one. Lastly, We must use the power of hip-
hop to our advantage. No one can stop the potential within
our culture as I perceive it. But, then again these are just my
thoughts, opinions and views. What they amount to is up to
you.
"Each generation out of relative obscurity, must discover
their mission, fulflll it or betray it." Anonymous
TWREX
Romans 8:28
^^M
"Ike Trail"
My big brother and I grew up riding the Metro Rail; some
people call it the train, watching the city of Miami pass by
without a cent to our name. From our apartment porch on
11 St and 3rd Ave, I saw little kids with ringworms, "Florida
Sores" and dirty diapers hanging down, heavy with urine
and feces - some tore and fell to the ground.
And that butt-naked baby is still walking around. Now
he's looking for dirt. Doesn't the truth hurt? He sits down
and does what all kids do when they don't have toys: He/
they use the ground as a plate when they bake a dirt cake
and get mud in their eyes while they make mud pies.
This homemade playground is heaven on earth to small
children whose sandlot is the same color as the dark, and
this is their public park. Some of the most successful of
their parents have been brought to their lowest by the
stranglehold of a monster named crack cocaine. I've seen
the feet swollen and cracked around the heels of those
whose bodies and minds have been arrested by the craving
and the search for the next hit. They strive - to stay high;
and will walk through hell with gasoline drawe's on to keep
their lighters lit.
The scene at the corner store consists of the following:
Our next writer is writing to us from Dade Correctional Institution
in Florida City, Fl. Eric is a wonderful storyteller and doesn't leave
out any details. The upcoming piece is a personal story that Eric would
love to share with y'all. Enjoy!
former bus-drivers, tap dancers, and schoolteachers. (One
of which was my substitute teacher who maintained his
job and his life of getting high and spending a few dollars
on prostitutes); how winos and crack addicts, all party
together and on Friday and Saturday nights, turning the
side of the store into a make shift nightclub. The "drunk
and high" come and go at random, each chanting their
anthem. There's no sleep on these streets, because they're
flooded with phantoms.
This are, (overtown) formerly nicknamed "Baby
Harlem" by the stars, used to be loaded, used to be loaded
with motels, clubs, restaurants, and such in the 50's, 60's
and early 70's era; before crack came and you can see
everything I saw when you ride by on the train... forgive me
y'all for such dark writing, but my heart can't hide what it
sees. There are two America's: the one you see on those
superficial urban YMCA commercials, and the one down
the street form it; the one I grew up in. Besides, it's easier
to write from experience than imagination. Peace, love, and
more love.
^^^
amam// • #//////
'unnn ^/<^ /<utt¥'
yMgm^g
Real Talk
In a world where evil lurks on every street corner and
peace without oneself is a hard thing to come by, we must
travel beyond mere existence and live our lives to the
fullest, the best we can. Things have been so hard for
a race of misused and rejected people that are African
American, really with all race today people are still
suffering. The streets can make you and the streets can
break you.
To those caught in the trap of temporary pleasures,
let me tell you this: The root of all evil, which is the
love of money and the next man's pain, will surely come
back to haunt you. We have a choice. I believe everyone
has a heart, and within our hearts is a conscious. And I
know the inner peace we are lacking in ourselves can be
found.
I know all the burdens we carry can be lifted. I also
know our perseverance, our will to survive. Love yourself
and love thy neighbor. Give yourself time to grow and open
your minds to education because it is a key to the way
out. Whatever you do, make it worth something. All your
consequences in life are dependent upon your behavior.
If you know what the consequences are, why do you still
exhibit detrimental behavior?
To prove something? Or you just staying true to the
game?
Be Determineil!
One must have self-determination, to reach all or most
of your goals. There will be many, many complications
along your way, but don't let those complications be the
excuse that made you fold. If we always rely on others to
hold us up.
We will never learn to stand on your own. A child can
learn this trait, and that same bad habit until carry on
when he's or she's grown. Besides yourself, there's so
many others that will always try to keep you down. But
if you keep your mind and eye's on the bigger pictures,
eventually your goods and destination will be found.
Yeah, haters are going to keep on hating regardless of
how you live. So ignore them and their words and stares,
because you are doing you and they have nothing to give.
Embrace all of your hearts, pains and hardships, because
they will only make you wiser and stronger. If not, you
will be a part of the many, many, many who's dreams will
last no longer.
Ca. John aica Kutty opens up his piece with some real taiic. He^ not
trying to preach to anybody but you can recognize real taiic when
somebody is tailcing. He's offering some advice and it's there for anyone
to talce it.
I have learned that when /am
angrif, I have the right to he
angrtf hut that don't mean
that I have to take it out on
peopie,
What I Have Learned
It's easy for us to write people off once they have made
some significant mistakes. We find it easier to punish
people than to forgive them, easier to throw them away,
than to restore them. I have learned that you can't make
someone love you, all you can do is be someone that can
be loved! The rest is up to them.
I have learned that no matter how much I care some
people won't care back. I have learned that it takes
years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it!
I have learned that it is not what-you-have-in-your-life,
but whom-you-have-in-your-life! I have learned that you
shouldn't not compare yourself to the best that others
can do, but by the best that you can do!
I have learned that it is not what happens to people,
it is what they do about it. I have learned that you should
always have loved one's with loving words, because
it might be the last time you see them. I have learned
that heroes are people who does what has to get done,
regardless of the consequences. I have learned that there
are people who love you dearly; they just don't know how
to show it!
I have learned that when I am angry, I have the right
to be angry but that don't mean that I have to take it out
on people. I have learned that true friendship continues
to grow, even over the longest distance!
I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they
are going to hurt you every once awhile, and you must
forgive them for that. I have learned that just because two
people argue, it don't mean they do not have on another!
And just because they don't argue, don't mean they do! I
have learned that you have to put the individual ahead of
their actions!
I have learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life!
I have learned that life can change in a matter of hours,
by people that don't know you. I learned when you think
you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find strength from God to help!
I learned that writing as well as talking, can ease
emotional pain. I have learned that the people you care
most about in life are taken from you too soon! I've
learned that it is hard to determine where to draw the line
between being nice, and not hurting peoples feelings, and
standing up for what you believe. I have learned that no
matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^I^I^^^^^^ ^^WLU., l£LU/JJ.
'MXnHf^BL, Mn/<xnnB¥'
Learnino The Rioht Way
And while being incarcerated for almost 20 years, I had
to learn the hard way and the right way, so I could give
myself a chance. Because this was something I have
never done, giving myself a chance. Because I always
made things harder for myself then they had to be.
Instead of doing time I was letting time do me and
there was a lot I had to learn because I was making my
timework against me. When I could have been making
my timework for me. So I went giving myself a chance, by
struggling to change my situation, for the better because
for years I was driving myself up a wall.
I Must Free Myself
I must free myself, from the way I think, because I am
locked up in liie mind and I am the only one who has the
keys to my freedom because true freedom starts in the
mind and the soul. This is what has control. So I must
seek the truth to free myself. I need to take the chains off
my mind. So I can stop running with the blind. The white
man is no longer the one to blame, for the chains we are
keeping on our mind because true freedom comes within
and most people think, being released from behind these
prison gates make them a free person, which it don'.
The way they think is what keeps them incarcerated
in the minds because for a long time I was not free when I
was in the so call free world because I did not know what
true freedom was. I did not know myself. I did not follow
my own mind. I was a follower and I did not have much to
think with. I stayed going in and out of jail. I spent most
of my young life in prison. No matter if I was in prison
are on the streets I was not free. As the years went flying
by and I went to getting up in age, and my will went to
growing stronger for me to free myself. So I could humble
myself, and stop living a life of self-destruction.
Our next writer is writing from Union Correctional Institution in
Raiford, Fla. Michael has always brought some insightful writing for
everybody to read. Read his pieces and you might learn something
about yourselves.
Being Reliable
Being reliable is something we all need to learn to be,
because here in prison there are not many people I can
count on as being a reliable source. We need someone
in our corner who we can count on. Someone I can trust
and that's hard to flnd here in Florida prison system. The
world just needs more reliable people in it. Now days, we
are living up under new wave system, along with the new
wave mindset and don't know what being reliable mean.
They have many faces. They fake many moves. They
are not real with themselves or anyone else. They are into
misleading you to think they are reliable, and that they is
all good. When they intentions is all bad. Many of them
cannot be counted on for nothing. It's hard living around
so many unreliable people and they are being taught
everything. But how to be reliable because people need
someone they can depend on, they need more reliable
leaders in prison and in the world.
I as myself and we as the people need reliable
sources. When I was growing up it was not hard to flnd
reliable people they was everywhere and being reliable is
something special, so let someone be able to count on
you as a reliable source.
Doing Evil Leads to Greater Evil
I do have some evil ways about myself, that I have picked
up in this world and I struggle very hard to change them
ways because doing evil only leads to greater evil and I
learned the hard way about doing evil to others, it only
comes back in a greater way. The more I did evil the more
them evil forces came at me and every which way turned
evil was there.
This world is full of evil doing, form stealing, killing,
robbing, cheating, hating, turning on each for worldly
things. This is not the way things should be, and I like
reading the bible because it is full of knowledge and
wisdom that tells you all about evil doing and the more
true insight I get on evil doing, makes me want to turn
away from evil doing. When I did some that was evil even
greater evil would come back on me. So no one can do evil
things, and get away with it because doing evil only lead
to greater evil.
Being Friendly
I am somewhat friendly guy. I don't see anything wrong
with being friendly. Right here in prison most people
think being friendly is a weakness and most inmates look
down on people who are friendly cause there has been a
lot of times where I would here dude right here in prison
say to other inmates that they are mot friendly. In close
management lock down this is a saying I hear all the time.
I am not friendly. I am a very low-key kind of person. By
most I am considered to be a friendly person because I
want to get along with everybody. Being friendly is being
wise and smart and not making my time hard. Friendly
people are the ones who has good hearts and they make
doing time around them easy.
^^^
amam// • #//////
'SHMU/n MnnTnnMB/7¥'
yMxm^^
No Better Than Slavery
If it is true that the progress of a society must be
measured not simply by the best of us, but also by the
worst of us, then why can be said about certain people
and about some of the horrible things they do? Take for
instance the following story.
Her name shall remain anonymous. But what she has
done — though none but she and God were witnesses
to her deed — will remain as fresh and as ugly as the
first day it was discovered. In an alley, she recounts how
her water broke... how she staggered over to the side of
the street among the garbage cans and trash bags... how
there, in the midst of rats and filth she brought forth a
blameless little body and cut the umbilical cord, perhaps
with her teeth, and left her little one in the gutter to die.
Was she black? The woman who did this reprehensible
thing against God and humanity? Does it matter? Perhaps
it does not matter to say that the woman who had her
child just inches away from a dumpster was black. But
she was black. Not only was she black, but being so, she
was all at once, the sum-total of all that was fought for and
died for during a war that was waged to grant humanity to
people who had been raped of the right to call themselves
human. And here, one of their offspring had just dropped
a baby like a cat guts kittens.
Indeed, we human beings are too complex a
people. Consequently, no one can speak for everyone.
Nevertheless, when we see our own wallowing in the filth
and confusion that so many lives have been sacrificed
to overcome, it pains us. We want to go outside, roll up
our sleeves and become better keepers of our brothers
and sisters. We become ashamed that we have not
evolved beyond ourselves. A black woman had a baby and
abandoned it in an alley. She could have been anyone.
But she was one of our own. Brothers and sisters, as we
seek to progress, perhaps you would agree that we must
do better, at least for our own. Pass it on!
Cofise^^efit/tf, m one can speak
for everifom, Nevertheless,
when we see oMr own wallowing
IH the filth and coMfMsioM that
so mafftf lives have heen sacri-
ficed to overcome, it pains ms,
I'm Thankful
Fm thankful for a lot of things, especially life itself
Fm thankful for friends and family and even good health
Fm th£inkful to have wisdom £ind faith throughout my life
Fm also thankful to be blessed with strength through
stress and strife
Some things that Fm thankful for
Can be taken away, even things I adore
But what I have shall never depart
Fm thankful to have God and Glenda in my heart
The next writer is writing to u% from Union Correctional Institution
in Raiford, Fl. Shawn is no stranger to The Beat Within ^% he always
writes u% mindful and thoughtful pieces. His writing topics vary from
issue to issue but always stick with the basic writing about life in
general. In the next few pieces you'll find skn array of great detailed
writing from Shawn. He talks about Love, life, and his dreams. So listen
up and enjoy the next few pieces
I Had A Dream
This dream was so peaceful and serene
We were living though the visions
Of Dr. Martin Luther King
I had a dream
I visualize that every boy and girl
Was taught to be friends
And race is what they run for fun
Not the color of skin
I had a dream
That man had never created deadly diseases
There was no crying or dying
From cancer, AIDS or Hepatitis C
There was no hunger and starvation
From the USA to Africa
And Africa wasn't stripped
Of gold diamonds and oil
By no good scavengers
I dreamed....
That there were no wars
Love and peace was the plan
We destroyed nuclear plants
And purified our lands
I dreamed....
Osama Bin Laden came out
Of hiding like a real man
He knew Allah would justify
His evil commands
I had a dream....
We didn't have currency
T£ixis or inflation
No armies only schools
And colleges for higher education
We didn't lie or cheat
We made our own clothes
Grew our own food
You had to work to eat
I had a dream....
We were all rich but
In our hearts not our pockets
There were no such things
As computers lasers or rockets
I had a dream...
That this world had
Forgotten about color
We all loved one another
As sisters and brothers
I had a dream....
We came together as one
From the USA, Iraq, Cuba
And Afghanistan
And George Bush
Saddam Hussein and
Fidel Castro
Hugged and shook hands.
I had a dream.
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^I^I^^^^ ^^?f{t i J , 'i.^^lLii /
'SH^wn MnnTnnMB/?¥ canr. '
A Love Manifesto
It is the music that gets you the most. It doesn't matter
if you're in prison or on the streets. Songs have a way of
triggering memories like nothing else. All it takes is that
certain love ballad to send you tumbling back through time,
while experiencing the most blissful feeling of nostalgia.
Before you know it, you're reminiscing about that one
mind blowing sexual liaison. The one you can never forget
regardless of how many years have passed or how many
lovers you've shared intimacy with.
Personally, I can't listen to a single slow jam from Keith
Sweat first LP without reflecting on the precious time I
shared with my sweetheart. Until this day, songs like Make
It Last Forever, How Deep Is Your Love, In The Rain, and
Young And Ready, conjure up feelings of euphoria I haven't
experienced in years.
And to be honest, even though the marathon of
copulation I enjoyed while listening to those musical
selections was unforgettable, I believe that the real pleasure
of that memory stems from the person I was with.
What I've learned over time is that the physical
sensations felt through intercourse are only climatic
extensions of a connection that was previously made
mentally and spiritually. It is rare occasion when the three
come together perfectly. But when they do, the end result
is almost magical and explosive.
As a young man, I was influenced by my peers to never
show outward displays of affection toward females lest I'd
be ridiculed for being "whipped." As a consequence, the
young lady who blessed me with the such a soul stirring
encounter, never truly knew how caught up I was in her
rapture.
Ultimately this quest machismo, along with my
insistence on achieving "playa" status, cost me what I
would later discover was my flrst real brush with true love.
And while the elders around me insisted that the emotion
I felt would soon manifest itself in another, a decade would
pass before I discovered anything similar.
For this reason I tell you young brothers who may
be on the same path toward making the same mistakes
I committed, to never allow their pride to stand in the way
of achieving true happiness. There is nothing wrong with
being in love with a woman and expressing to her how she
makes you feel.
The greatest joy a man can achieve on Earth is in the love
he flnds for a woman he loves him back in return. If you're
currently involved with in a relationship but not quite sure
if what you're feeling is real, perform this experiment. Take
her on an unannounced trip to a remote location at lease a
four-hour drive from where you live. Find a bland hotel and
rent a room for two nights. Make sure there is absolutely
nothing else to do, so that the two of you are forced to
entertain each other. Converse and make love for the entire
time you're in the room. If it feels as good at the end of the
day number two as it did at the beginning of day number
one, that's a good sign. It doesn't answer your question but
it does conflrm that you're where you're supposed to be
physically.
The real test though comes on the way home. If after
spending all of that time and receiving all of the sex you can
stand, you can't think of anything else but how much you
enjoy her presence in your life, consider yourself sprung.
And when you flnally arrive at her place, if she is reluctant
to get out of the car for fear of entering a home that doesn't
include you, you're a lucky man because she probably feels
the same way.
At that moment while your heart is racing and your
palms are sweating, don't hesitate. This is not the time to
worry about being smooth, cool, or hip. Declare your love
and secure her a place in your life forever.
Do not dare let her get away, or you'll spend the next
twenty years thinking about who she's with, where she is
and what could have been. The regret that comes with that, I
wouldn't wish on any man. Embrace love and show her how
much she means to you. It could make all the difference in
your future.
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^T^^WT^^mmMmffM a r '^//^JJ/
'SH^wn MnnTnnMB/?¥ canr. '
Is The World Better Because flf Me?
Ask yourself this question: Is the world better because
of me? No! Ask yourself, is the world better off because I
lived? Ask that question and give it some thought. Do some
serious soul searching before coming up with an answer.
Whatever you do, don't lie to yourself.
No one can dispute the fact that we live in a world that
is fraught with problems. Every living soul should be aware
of many of the problems that exist. A female friend has
advised me for years that either I am a part of the problem
or I am part of the solution.
No, many of us did not create the existing problems.
Many of then existed before we were born. We cannot take
the attitude that we did not create the problems; they do
not affect us, so therefore we should make no effort to solve
them.
We have a duty to make something good happen in this
world or to solve some problems during our lifetime. No
one has to solve all of the problems and no one has to solve
problems all by themselves. It is perfectly all right to work
with others to solve one or more community problems.
I have talked to a number of people who are dedicated
to solving problems and making their community and their
world a better place to live. All of those people tell me
that it is a soul tingling good feeling.
If you are a person and have made no contributions
or have not attempted to make a contribution, then you
should immediately get to work on becoming involved. If
you are an older person and find yourself in a situation,
then you should be concerned.
It would be a shame to have lived on this earth and have
not made one single contribution to making this a better
world. There is no excuse for not being a warrior in the
cause if making your community and your nation better.
There is plenty of room and need for those who are willing
to work to make life better.
What these causes need are people who are willing to
do more than just talk. What the world needs now is fewer
takers and more doers. Ask yourself: Am I just a talker, or
am I an agent of change? I can imagine it is a wonderful
thinks to pass on to the great beyond and have people say
the world is better because you lived.
I know the feeling is greater to have the people say the
world is better because you lived and still live. What do you
want the world to say about you? Your deeds will determine
that.
The Journey
The journey begins the day you're born. Before you
can comprehend anything going on around you, you're
amazed at sounds and colors. You can't speak yet, but
you already know how to appreciate being here.
As you enter grade school, the experience becomes
one you'll never forget. You'll discover falling in love,
being jealous, and getting angry because someone either
stole your girlfriend or she's shown attention to someone
else.
Now the teenage years begin, and this is the sweetest
part of the journey. This is your growing period where you
mature and decide what you're going to do with the rest of
your life. That's when you decide how you're going to take
care of yourself so your family will not longer have to take
care of you.
The journey continues into your 20 's and if the Lord
willing, far beyond. In today's society, young adults try
very hard not to enjoy that journey. As a matter of fact,
most of them don't expect to enjoy it or don't know how.
They're too busy trying to survive the dungeon they've
cast themselves into.
It's a shame that many of them will miss the journey.
They will miss the many people you meet along the way, the
beautiful music you hear, the amazing accomplishments
man will make, and just watching your children and
grandchildren grow up.
The journey is full of fun and sadness. You will
probably lose some loved ones along the way, both family
and friends. Even when they leave, you'll still enjoy they
journey, because new doors will open for you, and there
are so many amazing things that are ahead just waiting
for us to discover.
Please don't cut your journey short. If you do, you're
cheating yourself. Even more important, don't cut
someone else's journey short. You don't have the right
to make that decision, and no one deserves to miss the
splendor and glory of God's creation.
A Universal Secret Of Human Nature!
"Nobody wants to be wrong!"
There. I've said it. It looms in our minds and in our
lives like a mountain higher than Mt. Everest! It is a truth
in every facet of our existence. And it has become even
more so now, than it has been in the past two hundred
years.
Think about it. America has forgotten to say, "I'm
sorry" and mean it. Instead what most of us say is, "if
I have done anything to make you angry (which I know
I have) then I apologize." Either that or, "Mistakes were
made, but not by me!" but I cant claim credit. Instead,
credit goes to authors Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson,
who co-wrote the book Mistakes Were Made (but not by
me) : Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and
Hurtful Acts!
According to Tavris and Aronson, "As fallible human
beings, all of us share the impulse to justify ourselves
and to avoid taking responsibility for any actions that
turn out to be harmful, immoral, or stupid." I wonder.
Would that justify the actions of an Adolf Hitler, Sadaam
Hussein or a George W. Bush? Would such a statement on
the universality of self-justification successfully explain
the actions of millions of US who've ended up in jails and
prisons because we had refused to take responsibility
for our villainous actions or inactions? Indeed, shall the
human race become exstinct because it will have doggedly
refused to accept its own wretched responsibility?
And what about us black folks? What's to be said
about our collective unwillingness to let slavery go... to
forgive and forget, yet retain the fact that the destiny of
our of our people is written in the destiny of our nation?
For we too need to say, "I'm sorry" if to no one else but
ourselves!
As I said at the beginning of our conversations, I have
discovered one of the greatest secrets of human nature! It
is called "The ability to take responsibility" and unless I
miss my guess, it contains enough truth and power to set
us all free!
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^^^^■HI^JHOKIK / /i#>^A////
'D^/?/?nn nf7;?nTf7'
A Love Story
Once upon a time, stranded upon an island in the middle
of nowhere, lived all the characteristics of mankind. Greed,
Misery, Hope, Knowledge, Faith, and Love, to name a few.
After years of despair, Hope decided to approach Knowledge
with an idea.
"Mr. Knowledge, you are so clever and smart. You have
knowledge of all things. Why don't you build us a boat so
that we can save ourselves?"
"I suppose I could; I don't know why I didn't think of
that; I guess I had already given up."
So in the weeks and months to follow. Knowledge did in
fact construct several rafts. Everyone was jumping for joy
at the possibility of finally being rescued!
One by one the rafts set sail as everyone waved goodbye.
But then, suddenly, a thought occurred to Knowledge...
there were not enough rafts for everyone.
"One of us will have to remain."
With nervous, frightened glares at one another. Greed
immediately took action. He started to load up all his
worldly possessions upon one of the remaining rafts.
"Mr. Greed, you have so many possessions. Couldn't
you leave a few things behind to make room for me?"
"I'm sorry. Love, but I couldn't dream of leaving anything
behind. I only wish I could take even more! Besides, you of
all people should know... where there is Greed, there can
certainly be no Love. You'll have to ask one of the others."
With her head hung low. Love approached Misery.
"Pardon me. Misery, but have you room for one more?"
"One more? Is it not plain to see that I am already
burdened with Pain and Sorrow? You have no place here.
Love. Please leave us be."
Feeling dejected and heartbroken. Love started to come
to the realization that she would be the one left behind. In
a last ditch effort, she pleaded with Knowledge.
"Mr. Knowledge, you are the last one, my last chance.
Our next writer is writing to u% from a Correctional Facility in T^acy,
Ca. Darron has become somewhat of a weekly contributor, much to
our pleasure. His writing is creative, clever, and powerful, so it would
do you good to become familiar with him! Thanks again, Darron!
for all others have forsaken me. Surely you have room for
me?"
"Had I not run out of materials, I would have built a
raft for you. Love, but as it stands now, I have far too many
charts and maps that I must use to navigate my way home.
I simply have no room."
Saddened and left completely alone. Love knew her
outlook was not good at all. For what seemed like an
eternity, she waited patiently for her would-be rescuers.
Then one day, out on the horizon. Love spotted a ship
heading in her direction.
"I'm saved! I'm saved! Somebody came back for me. But
who? All had forsaken me."
As the ship pulled up off the shore tears of joy streamed
down her face as she realized who it was; it was Hope and
Faith, her two closest friends.
"I thought you had abandoned me. Left me to..."
With an apologetic smile, Hope replied, "1st Corinthians
13 tells us that the three of us are very special in God's eyes.
But of us three, you. Love, are the most special. We could
not have possibly survived as you did, for it is written that
you. Love, are patient and kind, never envious or boastful.
You have the unlimited capacity to bear all things., believe
all things, hope all things, endure all things. Love never
fails! We didn't leave you behind. Love. We, Hope and Faith,
were with you all the time."
With that said, the three of them embraced one another
in tears of happiness the way sisters would. While holding
hands with one another, they all looked up into the
beautiful blue sky and thanked God, knowing that He, too,
was smiling down upon them.
As the ship pi^lled Mp off the shore tears of Jot/ streamed down her face as
she realized who it was; it was Hope and faith, her two closest friends.
'H/P^HDOn HU/PHBTT'
It's My Life at Stake!
I'm going insane
With my mind frame
Absorbing this pain
That never remains the same
Preventing immunity from being gained
This tension is great
I leave nothing but destruction in my wake
Dragging these chains
That once held me to my fate
Searching for my only escape
Because I know it's far too late
To sit around and wait
So I must clean my slate
By doing whatever it takes
Though every move I make
Is based on the morals I create;
Now as I shed this weight
I can be on my way
After all, it's my life at stake!
Our next writer is writing to u% from Washington State Penitentiary
in Walla Walla, ^sk. His writing expresses his sentiments very clearly.
So kick back, and flip through, and put some thought to these next
couple of poems.
Look at the Time aod Life Yoo Live
Look at the time and life you live and what you plan to
do next
Look at what you didn't do but you could've done that
you now regret
Nothing to lose but all to gain, still stuck in the same
Mind frame of what everybody thinks
Overwhelming sympathy that nobody seems to
Understand
Dwelling on what you did that's done bringing
unnecessary
Stress
Trapped in emotions you're never going to reveal, and
Experiencing the things you thought you could never
feeL..
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^7/^7FI ^^^ ™™* t ^.iSLLiifJ.
'HB/?IIB/?T SHHU/BTHB^T'
A Chance
He came to this earth
To give He died on the
cross
He gave you a gift
He suffered when He died
You could see it in His
face
By giving up His life
He's giving you a place
He's with you in the
day
He's with you in the night
He wants you in His
kingdom
So He can hold you tight
So no matter what you've
done
Things might look dim
But He's giving you a
chance
A chance to be with Him
Our next writer is writing to u% from Cameron, MO. Herbert is a
very eloquent and prolific writer from Crossroads Correction Center
in Cameron, MO, has much to %x^ to us. Give him a read!
God's Own Way
When the sun is rising
At the beginning of each day
That's God greeting us
In his own special way
And when the sun is setting
That's His work of art
Writing the day off
Saying good night from His heart
ioht the Way
Let my good works shine before me
For everyone to see
Glorifying God in Heaven
As the one who set us free
Lord, let me be a shining light
In all I say and do
That Your great love displayed in me
May lead someone to You.
Stopped
Sometimes I think the world has stopped
But I open my eyes and God picks me up
When I look to the stars and the sky above
I then feel the power of God's love
No one else can make me feel this way
So I give my thanks to God every day
I Am a Prisofl
Jesos
Jesus always holds His children
He makes sure that we're safe
No matter where we are
No matter what we face
His hand will surely lead us
His strength will guide us through
You can rest with His assurance
Of His love for me and you
In times of tribulations
In heartache and in fears
His wings will overtake us
And He'll wipe away our tears
His mercy we do lean to
Enduring in His grace
Till one day we stand before Him
And look upon His face.
I am a prison; I'm damp and I'm cold
I hold men and women who are young and ones who are old
I'm surrounded by fence, cell doors, and gates that have locks
My walls are all made of steel, iron, and concrete blocks
I am a prison and I'm feared by all
I'll give you a chill when you hear me call
Your name becomes a number, your face just another
I'll show you no pity, I am not your mother
I am a prison, designed to be rough
I am where society houses its tough
Nobody has beat me, though they may have tried
But mostly they all still remain inside
I have no answers, so don't ask me why
I put those tears in your loved ones' eyes
I am a prison where nobody wants to be
I confine men and women who once were free
I control their pace, I slow down their stride
I strip them of dignity, I take their pride
Like animals that you might put in a cage
I contain these men and women and watch them age
I am a prison, I am full of despair
I can be a person's worst nightmare
I've been here many years and will be many more
You'll recognize me by my loud slamming door
I am a prison, a place you don't really want to live
I've so much to take but nothing to give
But there is one who does and He hears all your pleas
So pray to the Lord Jesus, for He has the Keys
At Close Of Day
Oh, what joy to see the
Savior
At the close of life's long
day
After all the toilsome
journey
With its suffering by the
way!
What delight to hear Him
saying
In His loving, gentle tone,
"Well done, good and
faithful servant.
Enter thou thy heavenly
home!"
Oh, what joy to see our
loved ones
Who long since have
entered there!
God forbid that one be
missing
Through neglect or want of
prayer
May our love for one
another
As we tarry here below
Yield a rich, abundant
harvest
In that home to which
we go
We shall find the lost and
straying
Whom we brought to Him
ere now
In a crown of great rejoicing
That He places on our brow
While "the suffering's of the
present"
Often seem too hard to bear
They were meant for our
perfection
That His glory we might
share
Child of God, be ever
faithful!
Seek to know the Father's
will
Heed His voice and do His
bidding
Trust Him fully and "be
still."
Strength sufficient He will
give thee
Go, rejoicing on thy way.
And the joy of seeing Jesus
Will be thine at close of day
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^^y^gz^g^JEM^// . #///// /
'HB/?IIB/?T SHHU/BTHB^T canr '.
The Set Of the Sail
I stood on the shore beside the sea
The wind from the west blew fresh and free
While past the rocks at the harbor's mouth
The ships went north and the ships went south
And some sailed out on an unknown quest
And some sailed into the harbor's rest
Yet ever the wind blew out of the west
I said to one who sailed the sea
That this was a marvel unto me
For how can the ships go safely forth
Some to the south and some to tiie north
Far out to sea on their golden quest
Or in the harbor's calm and rest
And ever the wind blew out of the west?
The sailor smiled as he answered me
"Go where you will when you're on the sea
Though head winds baffle and squalls delay
You can keep the course from day to day
Drive with the breeze or against the gale
It will not matter what winds prevail
For all depends on the set of the sail."
Voyager soul on the sea of life
Over waves of sorrow and sin and strife
When fogs bewilder and foes betray
Steer straight on your course from day to day
Though unseen currents run deep and swift
Where rocks are hidden and sandbars shift
All helpless and aimless, you need not drift
Oh, set your sail to the heavenly gale
And then, no matter what winds prevail
No reef shall wreck you, no calm delay
No mist shall hinder, no storm shall stay
Though far you wander and long you roam
Through salt sea-spray and over white sea-foam
No wind that can blow but shall speed you home.
Unless We Go
Unless we go to all mankind
According to the plan
That God conceived in His own mind
Before the world began;
Unless the finished work of Christ
Is told to every man.
Salvation's plan for sinful man
Will still unfinished be.
Unless the ears of every man
Has heard the joyful sound.
That true forgiveness for their sins
Within God's Word is found;
And that the prayer of faith in Christ
Will start them heaven bound.
Salvation's plan for every man
Will still unfinished be.
Unless each tribe and ev'ry tongue
Can read God's written Word
Unless the story of God's grace
By ev'ryone is heard
Unless God's Spirit through His Word
In ev'ry heart has stirred.
Salvation's plan for sinful man
Will still unfinished be.
Board Yoor Mind
Be careful what you think
Shun every evil strife
Because one thing is certain
Your thoughts can run your life
Wherever dwells the mind
The eyes and ears go, too
What you see and hear
Affects the work you do
Keep your thought life pure
Take captive each wrong done
In the name of Jesus
The victory is won!
Prisooer's Prayer
Though it is hard day in and day out
Sometimes we read, pray and workout
Like anxious dogs we wait for our food
Pray to God to be in a good mood
I don't blame anyone for where now I call home
It was part of God's plan and mistakes of my own
With faith I sit in my prison cell twenty-three hours a day
But with the help of the Lord, I'll be molded like clay
Into what God has planned~a soldier of the Lord
But when I get out will I have the strength of a sword
To never bend and to stand firm in my beliefs
I know the answer is always, as the Lord protects me
This walk with God has been hard, but yet I know
There are two sets of footprints and only one was my own.
He Was Me
He mocked Him with the
others
Cutting jokes at every
chance
The man was just too busy
To see His forgiving glance
He joked, spat, and
insulted
As the beaten Man trods
He tried to make Him
stumble
Throwing rocks of
hardened sod
As blood trickled from the
brow
Where the thorn crown sat
upon His head
"Hail the King of Jews!"
The man so boldly said
He held the hammer high
And drove in the
sharpened nails
He did not even shudder
As this Man called Jesus
wailed
He pulled the ropes with
the others
Proudly raising up the
cross
The man was never
thinking
About what he had really
lost
He had the spear in hand
And stabbed the bloody
Man's side
He stood and held it there
As the Man called Jesus
cried
The bloody Man asked for
something
To quench His awful thirst
In the line for the vinegar
sponge
He battled to be first
Jesus died an ugly death
Upon Calvary's cruel tree
And I will not forget the
man who put Him there
For you see, he was me!!
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^I^I^^^^^^ ^^iLL'J^JJJIIJ.
'MXHH^XL, Mf7ffHHf7SBi^'
A Letter
Myself a letter I have sent
Before my thoughts grow cold
Ask for the grace to be content
And if you fall into a ditch
Don't dig for gold
But just climb out and repent.
"Stupid is as stupid does", said one of my favorite philosophers,
Forrest Gump. I've had plenty of chances to test that the theory
to validate it as fact. Unlike many people in prison, I wasn't
socially predisposed to a life of crime, and prior coming to
America no one in my immediate family had any experience
with crime, drugs or gangs. Sadly, I was a 'pioneer' in all three,
and was fortunate enough to end up in the joint, and not the
graveyard. Life in prison isn't the end of the world (in fact,
for me it was a new beginning), while death is our personal
apocalypse, catapulting us into judgment before the only True
and Righteous Judge Who takes into account everything except
for our lame excuses and justifications.
There is an ancient account of a slave ship docking
somewhere in the old Roman Empire. In that city lived a virgin
nun, who upon hearing of the ship hurried to find the owner, in
order to buy herself a little girl, thinking, "I will take this child,
and deliver her from the evils of this world. I will raise her as
my daughter, teaching her about God's love and virtuous life."
The owner of the ship brought two little girls to the nun, who
ended up taking one of them. On his way back to the ship, the
captain ran into a 'madam' of the local whorehouse. Who when
seeing the little munchkin desired to have her, to raise her in
the tricks of the trade. She bought the child, and took her to
the brothel.
Now the man who was relating this story says, "Do you see
the unsearchable mystery of God's wisdom? The holy woman
took the child and taught her everything good, teaching her
the fear of God and the monastic life. The madam, on the other
hand, having taking that poor little girl made her into a vessel
and instrument of Satan. And what other trade could she have
taught her, other than how to damn her soul and all sort of
evil?
And what can we say of such a dreadful situation? Both
of the girls were tiny, both were sold, not knowing where they
went. One ended up in God's hands, the other in the Devil's.
Can we say that God will equally judge them, the one just
as the other? How is this possible! If both will fall into the
same sin, is it fair to say that they'll be judged with the same
judgment? Is this possible? One girl knew of God, of judgment,
day and night being taught God's word and of His kingdom; the
other poor soul, meanwhile, did not see or hear anything good,
but on the contrary, was only abused diabolically & taught evil.
How is it possible that they should be judged with the same
judgment?"
If I apply this simple story to my life, I know that the
remainder of my life is given me to "make straight what is
crooked" in my own soul, in my own life, and try to be a positive
influence in my community - even in prison. My family brought
The next writer is writing to u% from Corcoran State Prison in
Corcoran, Ca. Mihicaii doesn't need ^n intro ^% he^ been submitting
incredible writing for u% for the past countless \%%ue%. Mihicaii is a
talented writer that's been through his own fair of trials and tribulations
that he would like to share with you readers, with hopes that y'all
can learn something. Learn from his mistakes, listen to his story, and
embrace these pieces.
me to America to try to give me a better life, a better future
than what was possible in the USSR. I've abused my freedom
by taking the life of another, and by destroying another family's
future, as well as my own.
Can I complain against America? Will I answer for America
before God? No, I'll answer only for myself, and - in His grace
- God has given me the rest of my life to know Him, to prepare
for death and eternity, to be faithful in the little that I have, on
this side of the fence.
A recent workshop topic was "achievements" (see 13/09).
It's so easy to fool ourselves into believing that to achieve
means to gain, to acquire, to heap up, to be popular, accepted,
and all that other nonsense. If that's the case, then Hitler and
Stalin were two "overachievers", whom we should emulate. But
that's nonsense. The greatest achievement in life is to KNOW
THE TRUTH of what we are doing in this world, and to humbly
accept its' consequences. It is to know God, to know yourself,
and to love those around us who are made in his image.
I often fail living the TRUTH, though, I know it, but I try
daily to unite my knowledge and practice. This achievement,
for me, means "losing" and shedding all the b. s. that I picked
up in my youth, that's still attached to my soul. It means being
a servant, and not worrying so much about what others think,
as much as what god thinks. At the end. He is the One I will
face. His love is what drives me today, and the desire to be with
Him is what pales everything else in comparison.
In our Soviet schools, we were taught that there is no God
- that He was an invention of the rich. At least that's what
my teacher told me. But now, having found out for myself that
HE IS, and more so, that HE IS LOVE (not out of a book, but
personally), all of my past failures and mistakes are forgiven -
though not forgotten. They are a reminder of what I used to be
- the fool I was - and what I hope to avoid from becoming again.
In my teens, I did much taking: from God, from my family, from
the country that adopted me. Now, as a Christian, I'm able to
give - first myself to the Lord Who has given Himself to me, and
to others in my prison community.
For me, my repentance is my achievement - not because
it's easy or pleasant, but because it extends beyond the tangible
& temporary things of this life. Fact is if this brief existence
is "all there is to it", then who cares about "achievements"
and all that other rhetoric about "doing right" - it's all about
"getting mine", right? But, because this life is a brief journey
with the eternal consequences, I'm able to use even my so-
called "lost years" as a platform to turn away from myself in
turning to God, to lose a little, in order to gain much.
May the Lord be with everyone on their own particular
journey, and in their own trials, many of which by far outweigh
anything that I've experienced.
Redemption
Without redemption on Calvary's Hill
Life's a fleeting mirage always ending in loss
It's a valley no shovel or effort can fill
Where death is a desert that no one can cross
We don't preach propaganda from somewhere above
Where Paradise reigns, but on earth it's concealed
Jesus Christ is the Image of our Father's love
With our death He died, with His life we are healed.
Real evil He faced & bearing our strife
World's agony defeating in his final breath
By death He trampled upon sin & death
He rose, while to the dead bestowing life
The Truth itself was crucified & killed
And still today it's often buried in the grave
But even in the tomb His love revealed
And hardened hearts like mine He came to save.
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
^l^^wjEimmM/i^mu r-^/rjjff/
'^Bffff¥ n/?^H^M'
In Just A Dream
I had another dream about her again last night. I don't most
nights anymore, It's like a dream that just will not go away.
Her standing a top of the hill in the moonlight and all you
can see is the dark outline of her beautiful body. I always
dream about one day getting back with her, to show her a
fantasy filled love life.
I loved her and she just didn't know how much, but
I couldn't for some reason stop thinking about her. It's
becoming an every night occurrence, but when I awake
from my sleep I start to cry. I miss her and wish I could hold
her tight and tell her how much I'm sorry and that things
are different now. Though words could never express that
emotion or could never amount to how sorry I really feel.
It's hard to describe, to put into words and hard to
swallow a lot of the time. It's hard to not have the love in
your, well, loved one's life. What use to be comfort is now
discomfort. I always dream of one day, her forgiving me and
seeing how much I've changed my life and how much I've
let God instead of my self, and that he's made me a better
person in the making.
I long to show her a change in me and to prove my love
for her steadfast. Though the way I treated her wasn't right
and though I had some questing about the things she did,
that I believe she wasn't truthful with me and I don't believe
she would ever tell me, but she would have to know that
what ever happened. I'd forgive her because it just doesn't
matter any longer.
There's a part of me that says no, no for the simple fact
of not ever really getting back with her, because so much
pain and heartache between the two of us. In a way there
were so much differences and it was unbearable to realize
that. But it will only be that dream until the day I go.
I had always truly believed that she was the only true
love I've ever known in my life. She filled an empty spot
Our next writer is writing to u% from a correctional facility in
Snyder, Texas. Jerry is a great writer with no fear on expressing
his feelings. Listen to his next couple pieces and hear Jerry pour his
heart out.
that no one at the time could ever fill. She has take ninety-
nine percent of my heart and no one could ever fill the one
percent that's left behind.
So, I leave it, hoping one day she could complete what
she started. Then and only then when it's complete it will
be a life that is unexplainable and out of this world.
When we were together it always seemed that something
was missing or wrong, but now to come to think of it when
we were together, I always wanted to tell her about the
feeling she gave me when we were together and holding
one another close. For some reason every time I went to
open my mouth I couldn't find the right words to describe
the uncontainable feelings I was so longing, and wanting
to get out. It's like something trapped in a room without no
windows or a door, and trying rapidly to find a way out, but
instead to find no way out at all.
To capture her smile on her face," Oh how it lit up the
darkest spots in my life and brought out the hardcore to
soft and tenderness". The beauty that another holds will
never amount to the beauty in her. The love one can give is
like a romance novel that you couldn't put down, more and
more as you search to see what's going to take place next.
Though that dream still lies ahead and yet she's far away,
but every time I dream it's as close as I'll probably ever
get.
So, as I dream just a dream, I long to see her in every
moment, every silhouette, every dream come true in every
step she makes, to have that chance to hold her as I sleep,
just one more time, so it be. I see two in a life that was
meant to be, but as I fade away in this dream and come to
the reality of me, then once again you fade from my reach
and I'm lying where I started...
Walking Alone
When you've walked a lonely road
For so long you've walked alone
Where your going, I don't know
Where you've been, it only shows
Only when you get there will you go
Then can you only know
While you there you may not know
But when you're leaving then
You'll know
So while your walking all alone
Only then you should think about
Where you go
While your thinking about where to go.
Find out why you started all alone
So that way when you walk again
Maybe you won't go through
The things that you went through to
Walk where you've walked and
When you walked alone
So while you've walked a lonely road
Only then have you walked down
My lonely road on the walk
When you've
Walked alone.
'L,UnB/?n HBffffB;?f7'
Life
Walking in a pile of glass
My heart broken
Love never last
So much tears and pain
I'm sadder
I feel like I'm going insane
This strong hand holding me
Can't get out of the grip
Man, would I ever slip
I'm like a puppet
Being controlled
Tired of being locked up
And being in the 'hood
Tired of this orange
Feel other people's pain
I feel strange
Life is a mirror
You could relate
But I need help
And regulate my evil addiction
It's like a story I'm in
A movie
An actor
I'm playin' in.
Grandma
Only if I could hold you
Tell you my problems
Wish you was here
To take the role as a mother
Miss you so much
I wish I could be with you in heaven
I miss walking to school with you
And the love you gave me
But you my angel from God
I miss your hugs
And the toys you bought me
Grandma, I love you so much
I have to fight me
I'm stuck in a shhh hole
Can you save me?
Please take the frozen heart that I own
And the devil gave me
Cutie, come back, 'cause I'm alone
Wish I could change and be somebody
Have things I own
RIP, Grandma
We first met Lucero Herrera in the girls' unit in Sskn Francisco's Youth
Guidance Center, where she wrote her heart out into her poems for
The Beat. Now she is in 850 (Bryant, the ^skn Francisco County Jail)
awaiting trial. Here are some of her newest poems, expressing the
loneliness and sorrow of hanging in 850 for months.
World
Tired of being here
Silent, confused
I'm alone
I have fear
Feeling cold
My heart's frozen
Can I take this role?
When am I going to
bounce out of this earth?
Accomplish a lot, but still
feel pain
That's all I gain
Scared to change
Don't know my outcome
So what do I face?
Would it last long?
Enemies, a color, a block I
don't own
Why? Why ain't I fighting
for my own?
Got respect, love, and
pride from the 'hood
But they never
understood
A young girl full of things
Can't speak or change
Confused of what
She going to fear
And don't know love and
what it means
Spray paint, graffiti
That's the way
She express her heart
Can't shed a tear
She built a brick wall
Pride and anger
Scared to tell the world
How she feel
Rage, and ready to take
this role
Stuck in a cage with
chains
Abusive past relationship
and family
No love, so that's why I
bang
December 10, 2007
Today I woke up tired but happy — a blessing for another
day... to see breath, hear everything, but today so far is
okay. It's morning. I'm in school. It's loud, but I ain't
gonna to let it get to me. The drama, the noise and family
issues I ain't going to let it affect me. I'm in situations
right now with my family ... and with myself, trying to
refiect, build my goals, extend my mind...
My Mama Prays
My mama prays that I quit the life I'm in
That I gotta change my ways
But the streets is calling me
I can't stop this game
I was raised a soldier
So it's hard to get it over
You
I sit here, think of you
I dream of you and all the things we do
You been there through thick and
thin
I wonder every day
If you meant to be
You love me
And was there for me
Do you mean the words
Or you just playin' with me?
Ride with and been through a lot
You just don't understand
My heart is unlocked
You my first love and I just experience
Did things that somebody else
Wouldn't did it
Do you understand what I feel?
I love you so much
Step Dad
You raised me since I was a baby
I'm your princess
Love, that's what you gave me
Why did you go
I was only twelve years old
I need you
Look at me
I'm not a little girl
I needed you, a father
Somebody would call "Dad"
To come home and have a family
I guess you are too far
You, my mom, and brother
Left me stranded alone
This anger I can't hold
I miss you a lot 'til this day
Don't know
I wish I could have you
And say, "Dad, Come on"
So why did you go?
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^I^I^^^^^^^^ ^M L: ,Lim (J.
'^nSB^H MXLfLfX^MS'
The next writer is coming from Arizona State Prison in Tiiscan,
Az. Josheph would iiice to share a couple pieces. One of them is
dedicated to his Grandma.
Short Bio
Growing up in Brooklyn, New York. Life is wonderful. My
parents taught me the value of life and giving. My poems
and other writings reflected this life in the big city. It can
even have its ups and downs.
The summer and going to the beaches in '02. Coney
island brings back memories. The spring and fall sing
like today past. As I get older I can reflect on this while in
prison.
The Old Castle
The old castle seems distance, must be the strong
feeling must be that old building on the mountain yellow
as it look. The number don't look right. The book shows
something else. Getting closer to the castle, I smile, I
smell myself must be the fries I ate. The sky is yellow
with a mist of blue.
A call came to me. Joe Henry blue, Joe Henry blue,
must be mom's sweet voice, she bring my reflection to an
attention. Good you made it today, gave her a kiss and a
hug, thank for the invitation you sure a friend, tears come
down memories lane.
Have you eaten lunch yet? You look hungry. Have
you eaten lately? The old eyes sure look blue cover with
snow. The winter winds light came on. The night of the
castle bring black the old days. The old stuff came back.
Yoo Protected Me
My love for you is like the trigger attraction to the bullet
I'm attracted to you, but I'm afraid to pull it
To pull the trigger would mean love but also pain
So give me my love, your love shall ease my pain
Your love would bring about change and strengthen me as a man
I'm available for your foresight, so lay out your intellectual plan
I await your plan and think volumes of what is yet to come
What will be your proposition, will it bring about change?
Or will it bring heartache, pain, and all sorts of malice
Will it be so tragic as the fall of an acrobat?
As I fall you spread your net to catch me
I found comfort in your arms, you protected me.
A Hope for ToDiorrow
Power to those who seek knowledge
From the cradle to the grave
Power to those who stand up
For what is right
Power to those who are
Fearless in their very heart
Power to you for reading
These words of power
Power to you for being true
To yourself and others
There's power for everyone
A hope for tomorrow.
Graodflia Voice
I was awaking by a voice footsteps seem to be right there
The dream seems to be right there
Must be grandma coming to wake me up
Her dream came to me
I hear her voice before she came into the room
Her middle name (nickname) Sweet Susan
Us grandchildren call her this wonderful
Since we was little
"Wake up son you'll sure a nice boy this morning"
Sweet Susan sure a wonderful mother
Her smile keep waking me up
She always brighten the day my clothes stand at a attention
When she came in the air was press
I thought she was cin iron but she didn't, it was her smile
Laughing was an all day job for us
She sure and ideal person when I was born, my
grandmother gave the home: Joe Henry Blue
She an ideal person
Ma come in with her sweet singing voice
"Midnight Train To Georgia." By G. Knight and The Pips
We start singing some old Jazz song
They was really in tune with me
We dance to the beat
Grandma sure sounds good
The night went on
I wonder where am I?
'HU^TTS nnnH'
AL, has not only been contributing lots of great writing, but he's also
been introducing The Beat to lots of his friends. Thanics, Curtis!
I'D) The Best
To and from the twilight hour
I shine
No
I don't have time for childish
Games
I'm on a mission
For fortune
And endless fame
I'm history in the making at its
Best
Your children, children will read
My poetry
They will know I'm the best!
The Toogoe Twister
Silver snakes sliver sideways
As the hazy highway highlights Heaven
Tall timber takeover the terrain
Small sparrows swoop showing swagger
The music the muse makes merry
The love, the life, the lungs, the liver
Teach thou the way of the tongue twister.
///////#/////,/// ////#/ //,////// //
^I^I^^^^^^^^ ^M L 'LLiULL
'Mf7UffTB MXLfLfX^MS'
"Slight Fill Of It"
Liquor stores on every corner advertising malt liquor
and cancer in a pack, Section 8 apartments and homes...
youngstas on bikes, hoodlums on corners, fiends crowed
these streets, neighborhood bums looking for cans to
get hit and a bit to eat, baby crying, daddy gone, momma
leaving, there's always somebody on these streets
grieving...
Kids playing without worry or care, out of five of those
kids, four of them going to become a part of this cycle
right here...
People got many names, the 'hood, the 'jets, the
projects. Just to name a few... it's a community of poverty
stricken people who are look down on ain't treated like
equals...
To make it to 25 oh boy that's a blessing, 'cause the
youth is ruthless while packing Smith and Wesson, while
prison yards ain't teaching lessons...
It's a war in the Middle East, crap it's a war here but
nobody donating money or shedding tears for the mothers
who lost they child to this war here...
Good heaven's, good grief, lines around the block like
a Hollywood Club, just to get a simple box of commodities,
can beef, can chicken, powder milk, and Kix cereal...
It's a series of things that go on here every day. . .
Some try to find a way but most get stuck and stay, it
made me who I am today, a part of the cycle, a statistic,
a number, it made me strong and independent... you just
took a walk with me and got a "slight fill of it".
"Can you Last One Day"
Make believe, a dream, fiction, I wish it was, its not,
it's reality.... poverty living monthly off state help and
community commodity, violent tragedies, bullets flying,
innocent bystanders dying, teen pregnancy's, boy a lot of
mommas is crying.
Every day somebody ship to a box either it's two cots
and three cots, or wool, linen, or a cotton cot, and every
day somebody turning over state evidence to the cops,
and every day that single parents turns into a dope fiend
some call 'em tips and some call 'em knocks.
While some hustle to get by, while some hustle to
get high, while some hustle to secure them a new life of
staying alive, a war zone... where it's better to be caught
with it than without, without you might get white lined in
chalk, and the newspapers headline "Another Hoodlum
Shot" babies found in trash cans, mama cared more about
dope than being the best mother she can, daddy ship to
the pen, or it 98.91% chance the streets got him, another
bastard child... it's got a lot of us knocking at hell's door,
we at hell on earth, so pain, sorrow, and darkness we
prepared for, what's behind the door. . .
While I smoke cannabis to the face and think, wow we
live in a messed up place, I still wake up every day, with a
smile on my face, 'cause I made it through another day, I
got a question for you, "can you last one day"?
3omet/mes t/off get stMcK in some-
thlug thicker than molasses won-
dering where if on went wrong with
If onr actions, then ifonr np again free
front the struggles...
Our next writer is writing to u% from Corcoran State Prison in
Corcoran, Ca. Maurie shares with u% a few deep poems. First he
speaics about soul searching and being strong no matter what. His
writings paint a vivid picture of what goes on in the 'hood and in real
life. Give him a moment of your time and let him paint you a picture of
his thoughts.
'Soul Searciiino"
Try one thing you fall so you try another, wondering
what's your forte, if you'll find your purpose day, one
heartbreak, one let down or another, wishing you could
go back to a child depending on your mother. . .
But you gotta be strong and independent, that's why
you keep fighting to get to the finish, the finish is when
you find yourself, grow to your full potential, knowing
your wealth and knowing yourself. . .
Sometimes you get stuck in something thicker than
molasses wondering where you went wrong with your
actions, then your up again free from the struggles and
distractions, it's a roUercoaster of feeling and thoughts,
up again, down again, turns, and loops, tired of going
through the hoops...
The emancipation of self wills soon come that's when
you will become yourself and become one, spiritually,
physically, and mentally, it'll be a great feeling like being
relief of a heavy capacity, but just know your journey will
soon end to your "soul searchin'."
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
^^^^"^^^^'^^ ^/Z /. IJ/JilJ.
'XTnMf7fff7 nnn^^LfBS'
Friends
Friends are there
When they need you
But when you're lost
No one care to gave directions
Fm tired of going through the same shit
When I'm locked up no one seems to be found!
Nothing is needed because I'll make it through all on my own
It isn't easy but it can be done
Trust me life in jail is no fun
Friends are there
When they need you
But when you're lost no one care to give directions
Tired of going through
The same shit over and over again
But yet I do nothing about it
When will I live to learn from my mistakes?
It seems like never to me!
Xiomara aica Muneca is writing from a correctional facility in
Niantic, Ct. Muneca is a veteran writer in The Beat Within. She shares
with us a few deep poems that reflect her feelings and thoughts while
being incarcerated, including the "relief" cutting on herself provides!
Her writings reflect life's struggles, love, and learning. Please welcome
Muneca back, and give her a read!
Love
Love will sting
But it shouldn't hurt
If it does it will never work
Love is blind
But to an extent
You don't head into something
That you'll regret
Love is protective
But never obsessive
Or even possessive
If so that person is bound to be aggressive
Love should be playful
But not to the point of abuse
If so honey please at that person loses
Love is suppose to set you free
But not sending your body six feet deep
If so lil' mama love was never found
Hope's In His Laughter
How can I live the audacity to take it?
How can I mend my heart?
If people continue to break it
I try to present myself as happy
But most of the time I fake it
It's hard when you have a child
That you don't even know
Feelings you have inside
And are scared to show
I want to climb on board
And sail away
Where there's peace in my mind
And a sense of stillness in my soul
I can hear laughter
But can't really make out who it is
I look at my son's picture
Gosh he's getting so big
An image of me
It's almost shocking to see
This was my life
Before they took it from me.
Cutting
I'm dying inside
As the razor cuts through my skin
I feel a sense of relief in me
As I begin to bleed
My heart gives into the plead
For someone to let me loose
For a soul who can set me free
I'm dying inside
Yet no one knows a thing
Suicide crosses my mind daily
But like every other day
I hide pain with a big fake smile
And a convincing laugh
Cutting is my way to vent
A lot of people don't know what it does
Or how powerful it can be
Its like taking daily med's
Only cutting is as needed
I don't need it much
But when I do I'm usually dying inside
As the razor cut's through my skin
I feel a relief within me
As I watch my skin split open
My thin blood, rushes out
And then my heart gives in
And I'm back to me.
I afpf a prison where aohodif wants to he
I coHpne men and women who once were free
I control their pace, I slow down their stride
I strip them ofdignlttf, I take their pride
LiKe animals that if on might pnt In a cage
I contain these men and women and watch them age
read the rest of Herbert Bchwelgert's 3W0 piece on page 44
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