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Materialien  zur  Kunde 

des 
alteren  Englischen  Dramas 


Materialien  zur  Kunde 

des  alteren  Englischen  Dramas 

UNTER  MITWIRKUNG  DER  HERREN 


F.  8.  Boas-LoNDON,  A.  Brandl-BKRUN,  R.  Brotanek-WiEN,  F.  I.  Carpenter- 
CiiiCAGO,  Ch.  Crawford-LoNDON,  G.  H.  Churchill-AMHERST,  W.  Creizenach- 
KRAKAT,  E.  Eckhardt-pREinuRG  i.  B.,  A.  Feuillerat-RKNNES,  R.  Fischer- 
INNSBRUCK,  W.  W.  Greg- LONDON,  F.  Holthausen-KiKL,  J.  HOOPS-HEIDELBERG, 
W.  Keller-jENA,  R.  B.  Me  Kerrow- LONDON,  G.  L.  Kittredge-CAMDRiDGE, 
MASS.,  E.  Koeppel-SiRASSBURG,  J.  Le  Gay  Brereton-SiDNEY,  H.  Logeman- 
GENT,  J.  M.  Manly-CmcAGO.  G.  Sarrazin-BRESLAU,  t  L.  Proescholdt-I^RiEn- 
RICHSPORF,  A.  Schroer-CoLN,  G.  C.  Moore  Smith-SHEFFlELD,  G.  Gregory 
Smith-BKLFAST,  A.  E.  H.  Swaen-GRONiNGEN,  A.  H.  Thorndike-EvANSTON, 
ILL.,  A.  Wagner-HALLE  A.  S. 

BEGRUENDET   UND    HERAUSGEGEBEN 


W.  BANG 

o.  6.  Professor  der  Englischen  Philologie  an  der  Universitat  Louvain 


SECHSZEHNTER  BAND 


LOUVAIN 
A.  UYSTPRUYST 


LEIPZIG 


O.-  HARRASSOWITZ 


LONDON 

DAVID  NUTT 


1907 


BEN  JONSON'S 


EVERY  MAN  OUT  OF  HIS  HUMOR 


REPRINTED 


FROM  HOLME'S  QUARTO  OF  1600 


BY 


W.  Bang  AND  W.  W.  dreg 


Nv> 


LOUVAIN 

A.  UYSTPRUYST 

LEIPZIG 

O.  HARRASSOWITZ 

1907 


PR 
a6 

(VI 


PREFATORY  NOTE 


The  play  of  Every  Man  out  of  his  Humour  appears  twice  in  the  volumes  of 
the  Stationers'  Register,  as  follows  : 

8  Aprilis  [1600]   William  holme    Entred  for  his  copie  vnder  the  handes  of 
master  harsnet.  and    master  wyndet  warden.  A  Comicall  Satyre  of 

euery  man  out  of  his  humour vjd 

[Arber,  III.  i59.] 

28°.  Aprilis  i638....  Master  Bishop    Assigned  ouer  vnto  him  by  vertue  of 
a  note  vnder  the  hand  and  seale  of  master  Smethw[i]cke  and  subscri 
bed  by  Master  Bourne  warden  all  the  Right  and  interest  in  a  play 
called  Euery  man  out  of  his  humour  by  Ben  :  Johnson         .        .        vjd 
^  .  [Arber,  IV.  417-] 

An  edition  in  quarto  was  published  in  1600  by  William  Holme.  The 
printer,  as  shown  by  the  device  on  the  title  page,  was  Peter  Short.  An 
other  edition  in  quarto,  bearing  the  same  date,  was  printed,  by  whom  is 
uncertain,  for  Nicholas  Linge,  who  continued  in  business  till  1607.  Linge's 
edition  is  a  careless  and  ignorant  reprint  of  Holme's  and  possesses  no 
independent  authority.  Of  Holme's  edition  copies  are  extant  in  the  Bod 
leian  and  Dyce  libraries ;  of  Linge's  in  the  same  and  in  the  British  Museum 
as  well  (C.  67.  c.  22). 

Both  early  editions  are  now  reprinted  in  the  Materialien.  The  text  of  Hol 
me's  quarto  has  been  set  up  from  a  transcript  of  the  Bodleian  copy,  and  the 
proofs  have  been  read  with  that  in  the  Dyce  library.  No  variations  have 
been  discovered.  The  reprint  of  Linge's  quarto  follows  the  British  Museum 
copy ;  reference  has  been  had  to  the  Dyce  copy,  also  without  revealing  any 
variations.  As  usual  the  reprints  aim  at  following  their  respective  originals 
as  faithfully  as  possible.  All  misprints  have  been  retained,  including 
turned  letters  and  wrong  founts.  The  spacing  has  of  necessity  been  norma 
lised,  but  the  division  of  words  has  in  all  cases  been  preserved. 

The  lines  have  been  numbered  throughout,  and  correspondence  with  the 
text  of  the  1616  folio  (Materialien,  VII)  noted  in  the  right  hand  margin. 

The  following  peculiarities  deserve  mention.  In  Holme's  quarto  sheets 
I-Q  are  printed  in  a  different  type  from  that  used  for  the  beginning  of  the 
book.  This  is  most  clearly  seen  in  the  case  of  the  italic  fount,  but  the  roman 
differs  also.  In  Linge's  quarto  sheet  N  is  wrongly  imposed,  pages  102  and 
io3  having  changed  places. 
On  pages  no  and  in  of  both  quartos  a  mistake  has  unfortunately  occured 


vra 


in  the  numbering  of  the  lines.  Line  388i  should  be  marked  388o*IJ  and  the 
number  3885  should  go  one  line  higher.  A  certain  number  of  misprints  have 
also  crept  into  the  reprint  of  Holme's  quarto.  These  readers  are  requested 
to  correct  as  follows  : 

line  720  for  plauge 
795/or  fixteenth 

1423  for  O 

i  499  fa  til 

2061  for  Pararel 

2364/or  Ordinaires 

2407  for  thrist 

^441/0'OCCASSUS 

3*164  for  1st  read  Is 

335g  for  doubt  shall     read  doubt  I  shall 

3373  for  lobor  read  labor 

3goo  for  Signer  read  Signior 


read  plague 
read  sixteenth 
read  Or 
read  till 
read  Paralel 
read  Ordinaries 
read  thirst 


EVERY  MAN 

O  VT    OF    HIS 

H  V  M  O  R. 

AS  IT  WAS   FIRST  COMPOSED 
by  the  Author  B  .1. 

Containing  more  than  hath  been  publicly  S(<s- 
kcnor  Atfcd. 

With  the  feucrall  Charadcr  of  cucry  Perfon. 
Tf  client  magu  \ "  &  decict  repettte 


LONDON, 

Printed  for  wlUUm  Hobx,  and  arc  to  be  fold  at  his  ITioppc 
at  Saricams  Jnnc  gate  in  FJcctftrccc, 
1600, 


The  names  of  the  adtors. 

AS  PER,  ThcPrcfcntcr. 
MACILENTE.    SAVIOLINA.    SORDIDO,  HisMind 

/-HisLadie.       -\ 

^Waiting  Gent.^  oTaylor. 

PVNTARVOL  o<^Hunrfman.      S»F  v  N  c  OS  o  -pHabcrdaHif  r. 
JScruingmen  a.L  uShomakcr. 

L  Dog  and  Cat.  J 

CARLO  BVPFONB.  SOGLIARDO. 


FASTID.BRISKE.  Js  i  « 

c  Page.      J^        T>    AAGroome 

•^Drawers. 
D£LIRO.    *Fieb  their  Seruanc.    Ctove.  VConftable,and 

K 
FALL  ACE.  GMuHcians.  ORENGE 

CREX. 

CORDATVS.  MlTlS. 


[HOLME'S  QUARTO]  [  3 1 

As  PER  his  Character. 

Folio 

HE  is  of  an  ingenious  &  free  spirit,  eager  &  constant  in  reproof  e,      3g 
without  feare  controuling  the  worlds  abuses;  One  whom  no  ser- 
uile  hope  of  Gaine,  or  frosty  apprehension  of  Danger,  can  make 
5  to  be  a  Parasite,  either  to  Time,  Place,  or  Opinion. 

MACILENTE. 

A    Man  well  parted,  a  sufficient  Scholler,  and  trauail'd;  who  (wanting 
that  place  in  the  worlds  account,  which  he  thinks  his  merit  capable 
of]  fals  into  such  an  enuious  Apoplexie,  with  which  his  iudgement  is  so 
10  dazeled  and  distasted,  that  he  growes  voilently  impatient  of  any  opposite 
happinesse  in  another. 

PVNTARVOLO. 

A    Vaine-glorious  Knight,  ouer-Englisbing  his  trauels,  and  wholy  con-      5o 
secrated  to  Singularity;  the  very  Jacobs  staffe  of  Complement:  a 

i5  Sir  that  hath  liu'd  to  see  the  reuolution  o/Time  in  most  of  his  appa- 
relL  Of  presence  goody  nough,  but  so  palpably  affected  to  his  owne  praise, 
that  for  want  of  flatterers,  he  commends  himself  e  to  the  floutage  of  his 
owne  familie.  He  deales  vpon  returns,  and  strange  performances,  resol- 
uing,  in  despight  ofpublike  derision;  to  sticke,  to  his  own  particular  fa- 

20  shion,  phrase,  and  gesture. 

CARLO  BVFFONE. 
A  Publik-scurrulous,  &  prophane  lester-,  that  (more  swift  than  Circe      5g 

with  absurd  Simile's  wil  transfer  me  any  person  into  Deformity.  A 
good  Feast-hound  or  Banket-beagel,  that  wil  sent  you  out  a  supper  some 

25  three  mile  off,  and  sweare  to  his  patrons  (God  dam  me)  he  came  in  Oars 
when  he  was  but  wafted  ouer  in  a  Sculler.  A  slaue  that  hath  an  extraor 
dinary  gift  in  pleasing  his  Pallat,  &  wil  swil  vp  more  Sack  at  a  sitting, 
than  would  make  all  the  Guard  a  Posset.  His  Religion  is  railing,  and 
his  discourse  Ribaldrie.  They  stand  highest  in  his  respect,  whome  he  stu- 

3o  dies  most  to  reproch. 

PASTIDIVS  BRISKE. 
A  Neat,  spruce,  affecting  Courtier,  one  that  weares  clothes  wel,  and  in      6g 

Fashion;  practiseth  by  his  glasse  how  to  salute:  speakes  good  Rem 
nants  (notwithstanding  the  Base-violl,  and  Tabacco:)  sweares  tersely, 

A    ij  and 


^]  [HOLME'S 

35  and  with  variety,  cares  not  what  Ladies  fauor  he  belies,  or  great  mans 
familiarity:  a  good  property  to  perfume  the  boot  of  a  Coach.  He  wil  bor 
row  another  mans  Horse  to  Praise,  and  backs  him  as  his  own.  Or  for  a 
neede  on  foot  can  post  himselfe  into  credite  with  his  Merchant,  onelie 
with  the  Gingle  of  his  spur,  and  the  lerke  of  his  Wand. 

40  DEL  IRQ. 

A    Good  doting  Citizen,  who  (it  is  thought]  might  be  of  the  Common      79 
Counsel  for  his  wealth:  a  fellow  sincerely  besotted  on  his  own  wife, 
<§•  so  rapt  with  a  conceit  of  her  Perfections,  that  he  simply  holds  himselfe 
vnworthy  of  her.  A  nd  in  that  hood-winkt  humor,  Hues  more  like  a  suter 

45  than  a  husband;  standing  in  as  true  dread  of  her  displeasure,  as  when  he 
first  made  loue  to  hir.  He  doth  sacrifice  twopence  in  luniper  to  her  euery 
morning  before  she  rises,  &  makes  hir  with  villanous-out-of-tune  mu- 
sick,  which  she  out  of  hir  contempt  (though  not  out  of  hir  iudgmenf)  is 
sure  to  dislike. 

5o  FALLACE. 

D  Hiiro's  Wife  and  Idoll,  a  Proud  mincing  Peat,  &  as  peruerse  as  he  is      89 
officious,  shee  dotes  as  Perfectly  vpon  the  Courtier,  as  her  husband 
doth  on  her,  and  onely  wants  the  Face  to  be  dishonest. 

SAVIOLINA. 

55  A  Court  Lady,  whose  weightiest  praise  is  a  light  wit,  admir'de  by  her 
j[~Y.  sefo  and  one  more,  her  seruant  Briske. 

SORDIDO. 

A     Wretched  Hobnail' d  Chuff e,  whose  recreation,  is  reading  of  Alma 
nacks;  andfelicitie.foule  weather.  One  that  neuer  pray'd,  but  for 
60  a  leane  Dearth,  and  euer  wept  in  a  fat  Haruest. 

FVNGOSO. 

THe  Son  o/Sordido,  and  a  student:  one  that  has  reuel'd  in  his  time, 
&followes  the  Fashion  afar  off  like  a  Spie.  He  makes  it  the  whole 
bent  of  his  endeuours  to  wring  sufficient  meanes  from  his  wretched  fa- 
65  ther,  to  put  him  in  the  Courtiers  Cut:  at  which  he  earnestly  aims,  but  so 
vnluckily,  that  he  still  lights  short  a  Sute. 

SOGLIARDO. 

AN essentiall  clowne,  brother  to  Sordido,  yet  so  enamour' d  of  the    106 
name  of  a  Gentleman,  that  he  will  haue  it  though  he  buyes  it.  He 
70  comes  vp  euery  Tearm  to  learn  to  take  Tabacco  &  see  new  Motions. 
He  is  in  his  Klngdome  when  he  can  get  himselfe  into  company,  where  he 
may  be  well  taught  at. 

Athred- 


QUARTO]  [5] 

~  •       SHIFT. 

AThredbare  Sharke.  One  that  neuer  was  Soldior,  yet  Hues  vpon  len-    112 
dings.  His  profession  is  skeldring  and  odling,  his  Ban ke  Poules, 
and  his  Ware-house  Pict-hatch.  Takes  vp  single  Testons  vpon  Oths  til 
dooms  day.  Fals  vnder  Executions  of  three  shillings,  &  enters  into  fiue 
groat  Bonds.  He  waylaies  the  reports  o/seruices,  &  cons  them  without 
booke,  damning  himself e  he  came  new  from  them,  when  all  the  while  he 
80  was  taking  the  diet  in  a  bawdy  house,  or  lay  pawn'd  in  his  chamber  for 
rent  &  victuals.  He  is  of  that  admirable  &  happy  Memory,  that  hee 
will  salute  one  for  an  old  acquaintance,  that  he  neuer  sawe  in  his  life  be 
fore.  He  vsurps  vpon  Cheats,  Quarrels,  &  Robberies,  which  hee  neuer 
did,  only  to  get  him  a  name.  His  chief  e  exercises  are  taking  the  Whiffe, 
85  squiring  a  Cocatrice,  and  making  Priuy  searches  for  Imparters. 

CLOVE  and  ORENGE. 

AN  inseverable  Case  of  Coxcoms,  city-born:  The  Gemini  or  Twins    126 
of  foppery:  that  like  a  paireofwodden  Foiles,  are  fit  for  nothing,  but 
to  be  practised  vpon.  Being  well  ftatter'd,  they'le  lend  money,  aud  repent 
go  when  they  ha1  don.  Their  glory  is  to  feast  players,  &make  suppers.  And 
in  company  of  better  ranke  (to  auoyd  the  suspect  of  insufficiency]  wil  en 
force  their  Ignorance  most  desperatly,  to  set  vppon  the  vnder  standing  of 
any  thing.  Orenge  is  the  more  humorous  of  the  two  (whose  small  portion 
ofiuice  (being  squeez'dout]  Cloue  serues  to  stick  him  with  comendatios. 
g5  CORDATVS. 

THe  Authors  friend',  A  man  inly  acquainted  with  the  scope  &  drift    i36 
of  his  Plot:  Of  a  discreet  &  "understanding  ludgment,  and  has  the 
place  of  a  Moderator. 

MITIS. 

loo  y  5  a  person  of  no  Action,  and  therefore  we  haue  REASON  to  af-    140 
fourd  him  no  Character. 


I 


IT  was  not  neere  his  thoughts  that  hath  published  this,  either  to  deest 
traduce  the  Authour;  or  to  make  vulgar  and  cheape,  any  the  pe 
culiar  &  sufficient  deserts  of  the  Actors:  but  rather  (whereas  ma 
ny  Censures  flutter'd  about  it)  to  giue  al  leaue,  and  leisure,  to  iudge 
106  with  distinction. 

A  iii  Euery 


[HOLME'S 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 


loy  Inductio,  sono  secundo. 

GREX. 
A$per,  Cordatus,  Mitis. 

no  Cord.  ^T  Ay  my  deere  Asper, 

\|      Mil.  Stay  your  mind, 
Asp.  Away. 

Who  is  so  patient  of  this  impious  world, 

That  he  can  checke  his  spirit,  or  reine  his  tongue? 
Il5  Or  who  hath  such  a  dead  vnfeeling  sence, 

That  heauens  horride  thunders  cannot  wake? 

To  see  the  earth,  crackt  with  the  weight  of  sinne, 

Hell  gaping  vnder  vs,  and  o're  our  heads 

Blacke  rau'nous  Ruine  with  her  saile-stretcht  wings, 
120  Readie  to  sinke  vs  downe  and  couer  vs. 

Who  can  behold  such  prodigies  as  these,  160 

And  haue  his  lips  seal'd  vp?  not  I:  my  soule 

Was  neuer  ground  into  such  oyly  colours, 

To  flatter  Vice  and  daube  Iniquity: 
125  But  (with  an  armed,  and  resolued  hand) 

He  strip  the  ragged  follies  of  the  time 

Naked  as  at  their  birth: 
Cord.  Be  not  too  bold, 

Asp.  You  trouble  me,  and  with  a  whip  of  steele  167 

l3o  Print  wounding  lashes  in  their  yron  ribs. 

I  feare  no  mood  stampt  in  a  priuate  brow, 

When  I  am  pleas'd  t'vnmaske  a  publike  vice. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [7] 

I  feare  no  strumpets  drugs,  nor  ruffians  stab, 

Should  I  detect  their  hatefull  luxuries; 
i35  No  brokers,  vsurers,  or  lawyers  gripe, 

Were  I  dispos'd  to  say,  they're  all  corrupt. 

I  feare  no  courtiers  frowne,  should  I  applaud  175 

The  easie  flexure  of  his  supple  hammes: 

Tut,  these  are  so  innate  and  popular, 
140  That  drunken  Custome  would  not  shame  to  laugh 

(In  scorne)  at  him,  that  should  but  dare  to  taxe'hem: 

And  yet,  not  one  of  these  but  knowes  his  Workes, 

Knowes  what  Damnation  is,  the  Deuill,  and  Hell, 

Yet  howerly  they  persist,  grow  ranke  in  sinne, 
145  Puffing  their  soules  away  in  peri'rous  aire, 

To  cherish  their  extortion,  pride,  or  lusts. 

Mit.  Forbeare  good  Asper,  be  not  like  your  name.  i85 

Asp.  O,  but  to  such,  whose  faces  are  all  zeale, 

And  (with  the  words  of  Hercules]  inuade 
i5o  Such  crimes  as  these;  that  will  not  smell  of  sinne, 

But  seeme  as  they  were  made  of  Sanctitie; 

Religion  in  their  garments,  and  their  haire 

Cut  shorter  than  their  eie-browes;  when  the  conscience 

Is  vaster  than  the  Ocean,  and  deuours 
i55  More  wretches  than  the  Counters. 
Mit.  Gentle  Asper, 

Containe  your  spirit  in  more  stricter  bounds, 

And  be  not  thus  transported  with  the  violence  jp5 

Of  your  strong  thoughts. 
160      Cord.  Vnlesse  your  breath  had  power 

To  melt  the  world,  and  mould  it  new  againe, 

It  is  in  vaine  to  spend  it  in  these  moods. 
Asp.  I  not  obseru'd  this  thronged  round  till  now: 

Gracious,  and  kind  Spectators,  you  are  welcome, 
i65  Apollo,  and  the  Muses  feast  your  eies 

With  gracefull  obiects;  and  may  our  Minerua 

Answere  your  hopes,  vnto  their  largest  straine. 

Yet  here,  mistake  me  not  iudicious  friends: 

I  doe  not  this  to  beg  your  patience, 

Or 


[gj  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

170  Or  seruilely  to  fawne  on  your  applause,  207 

Like  some  drie  braine,  despairing  in  his  merit: 

Let  me  be  censur'd,  by  th'austerest  brow, 

Where  7  want  art,  or  Judgement,  taxe  me  freely: 

Let  enuious  Critickes  with  their  broadest  eies 
175  Looke  through  and  through  me;  I  pursue  no  fauor: 

Onely  vouchsafe  me  your  attentions, 

And  I  will  giue  you  musicke  worth  your  eares. 

0  how  I  hate  the  monstrousnesse  of  time, 
Where  euery  seruile  imitating  spirit, 

180  (Tlagu'd  with  an  itching  leprosie  of  wit) 

In  a  meere  halting  fury,  striues  to  fling 

His  vlc'rous  body  in  the  Thespian  spring, 

And  streight  leap's  forth  a  Poet;  but  as  lame 

As  Vulcane,  or  the  founder  of  Criplegate. 
i85      Mil.  In  faith  this  Humor  will  come  ill  to  some,  222 

You  will  be  thought  to  be  too  peremptorie. 
Asp.  This  Humor?  good;  and  why  this  Humor,  Mitis? 

Nay  doe  not  turne,  but  answere. 

Mil.  Answere?  what? 
190      Asp.  I  will  not  stirre  your  patience,  pardon  me, 

1  vrg'd  it  for  some  reasons,  and  the  rather 
To  giue  these  ignorant  wel-spoken  daies 
Some  tast  of  their  abuse  of  this  word  Humor. 

Cor.  O  doe  not  let  your  purpose  fall,  good  Asper, 
ig5  It  cannot  but  arriue  most  acceptable, 
Chiefely  to  such  as  haue  the  happinesse 
Daily  to  see  how  the  poore  innocent  word 
Is  rackt,  and  tortur'd. 

Mil.  I;  I  pray  you  proceed. 

200      Asp.  Ha?  what?  what  is't?  236 

Cord.  For  the  abuse  of  Humor. 
Asp.  O,  I  craue  pardon,  I  had  lost  my  thoughts. 
Why  Humor  fas  'tis  ens]  we  thus  define  it 
To  be  a  quality  of  aire  or  water, 
205  And  in  it  selfe  holds  these  two  properties, 
Moisture  and  Fluxure  :  As  for  demonstration, 

Poure 


QUARTO]  Eiiery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [9] 

Poure  water  on  this  floore,  'twill  wet  and  runne,  248 

Likewise  the  aire  (forc't  through  a  home  or  trumpet,) 

Flowes  instantly  away,  and  leaues  behind 
210  A  kinde  of  due;  and  hence  we  doe  conclude, 

That  what  soe're  hath  fluxure  and  humiditie, 

As  wanting  power  to  containe  it  selfe, 

Is  Humor:  so  in  euery  humane  bodie 

The  choller,  melancholy,  flegme,  and  bloud, 
2i5  By  reason  that  they  flow  continually 

In  some  one  part,  and  are  not  continent, 

Receiue  the  name  of  Humors.  Now  thus  farre 

It  may  by  Metaphore  apply  it  selfe 

Vnto  the  generall  disposition,  255 

220  As  when  some  one  peculiar  quality 

Doth  so  possesse  a  man,  that  it  doth  draw 

All  his  affects,  his  spirits,  and  his  powers 

In  their  confluctions  all  to  runne  one  way, 

This  may  be  truly  said  to  be  a  Humor,  j 

225  But  that  a  Rooke  in  wearing  a  pide  feather, 

The  cable  hatband,  or  the  three-pild  ruffe, 

A  yard  of  shoe-tie,  or  the  Switzers  knot 

On  his  French  garters,  should  affect  a  Humor, 

O,  'tis  more  than  most  ridiculous. 
23o      Cord.  He  speakes  pure  truth:  Now  if  an  Ideot 

Haue  but  an  Apish  or  Phantasticke  straine, 

It  is  his  Humor. 
Asp.  Well  I  will  scourge  those  apes, 

And  to  these  courteous  eies  oppose  a  mirror 
235  As  large  as  is  the  Stage  whereon  we  act,  270 

Where  they  shall  see  the  times  deformity, 

Anotamiz'd  in  euery  Nerue  and  sinew, 

With  constant  courage,  and  contempt  of  feare. 

Mit.  Asper  (I  vrge  it  as  your  friend)  take  heed, 
240  The  daies  are  dangerous,  full  of  exception, 

And  men  are  growne  impatient  of  reproofe. 
Asp.  Ha,  ha: 

You  might  as  well  haue  told  me,  yond'  is  heauen, 

B  This 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[jo]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

This  earth,  these  men;  and  all  had  mou'd  alike.  278 

245  Doe  not  I  know  the  times  condition? 

Yes  Mitts;  and  their  soules,  and  who  they  be 

That  either  will  or  can  except  against  me: 

None  but  a  sort  of  fooles,  so  sicke  in  tast, 

That  they  contemne  all  Physicke  of  the  mind, 
25o  And  like  gald  Camels  kicke  at  euery  touch, 

Good  men,  and  vertuous  spirits,  that  loath  their  vices, 

Will  cherish  my  free  labours,  loue  my  lines, 

And  with  the  feruor  of  their  shining  grace, 

Make  my  braine  fruitfull  to  bring  forth  more  obiects 
255  Worthy  their  serious  and  intentiue  eies. 

But  why  enforce  I  this,  as  fainting?  no: 

If  any  here  chance  to  behold  himselfe, 

Let  him  not  dare  to  challenge  me  of  wrong, 

For  if  he  shame  to  haue  his  follies  knowne, 
260  First  he  should  shame  to  act'hem:  my  strict  hand 

Was  made  to  ceaze  on  vice;  and  with  a  gripe  2g5 

Crush  out  the  Humor  of  such  spongie  soules, 

As  licke  vp  euery  idle  vanity. 

Cord.  Why  this  is  right  Furor  Poeticus: 
265  Kind  gentlemen,  we  hope  your  patience 

Will  yet  conceiue  the  best,  or  entertaine 

This  supposition,  That  a  madman  speakes. 
Asp.  What?  are  you  ready  there?  Milts  sit  downe; 

And  my  Cordatus.  Sound  hoe,  and  begin: 
270  I  leaue  you  two  as  Censors  t6  sit  here, 

Obserue  what  I  present,  and  liberally 

Speake  your  opinions,  vpon  euery  Scene,  3o6 

As  it  shall  passe  the  view  of  these  Spectators, 

Nay  now,  y'are  tedious  Sirs,  for  shame  begin: 
275  And  Mitis,  note  me  if  in  all  this  front, 

You  can  espie  a  gallant  of  this  marke, 

Who  (to  be  thought  one  of  the  iudicious^ 

Sits  with  his  armes  thus  wreath'd,  his  hat  pul'd  here, 

Cries  meaw,  and  nods,  then  shakes  his  empty  head, 
280  Will  shew  more  seuerall  motions  in  his  face 

Than 


QUARTO]  EueTj  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [n] 

Than  the  new  London,  Rome,  or  Nineueh,  3i5 

And  (now  and  then)  breakes  a  drie  bisket  iest, 
Which  that  it  may  more  easily  be  chew'd, 
He  sleeps  in  his  owne  laughter. 
285      Cord.  Why?  will  that 

Make  it  be  sooner  swallow'd? 

Asp.  O,  assure  you: 
Or  if  it  did  not,  yet  as  Horace  sings: 
,,  leiunus  raro  stomachus  Bulgaria  temnit, 
290  ,,  Meane  cates  are  welcome  still  to  hungrie  guests. 

Cor.  'Tis  true,  but  why  should  we  obserue  'hem  Asper? 
Asp.  O  I  would  know  'hem,  for  in  such  assemblies,  824 

Th'are  more  infectious  than  the  Pestilence, 
And  therefore  I  would  giue  them  pils  to  purge, 
2g5  And  make  'hem  fit  for  faire  societies. 
How  monstrous  and  detested  is't  to  see 
A  fellow  that  has  neither  art  nor  braine, 
Sit  like  an  Aristarchus,  or  starke  asse, 
Taking  mens  lines  with  a  Tabacco  face 
3oo  In  snuffe,  still  spitting,  vsing  his  wried  lookes 
(In  nature  of  a  vice)  to  wrest  and  turne 
The  good  aspect  of  those  that  shall  sit  neere  him, 
From  what  they  doe  behold?  O  tis  most  vile. 

Mit.  Nay  Asper. 

3o5      Asp.  Peace  Mills ,  I  doe  know  your  thought:  33? 

You'le  say,  your  audience  will  except  at  this? 
Pish:  you  are  too  timorous,  and  full  of  doubt: 
Then,  he  a  patient,  shall  reiect  all  Physicke 
'Cause  the  physitian  tels  him  you  are  sicke: 
3io  Or,  if  I  say  that  he  is  vicious, 

You  will  not  heare  of  vertue:  come,  y'are  fond. 
Shall  I  be  so  extrauagant  to  thinke 
That  happy  iudgements  and  composed  spirits 
Will  challenge  me  for  taxing  such  as  these? 
3i5  I  am  asham'd. 

Cord.  Nay,  but  good  pardon  vs: 
We  must  not  beare  this  peremptorie  saile, 

B  ii  But 


[I2]  Every  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

But  vse  our  best  endeuours  how  to  please. 

Asp.  Why  therein  I  commend  your  carefull  thoughts,  35o 

320  And  I  will  mixe  with  you  in  industrie 
To  please;  but  whom?  attentiue  auditors, 
Such  as  will  ioine  their  profit  with  their  pleasure, 
And  come  to  feed  their  vnderstanding  parts: 
For  these,  He  prodigally  spend  my  selfe, 
325  And  speake  away  my  spirit  into  aire; 

For  these,  He  melt  my  braine  into  inuention, 
Coine  new  conceits,  and  hang  my  richest  words 
As  polisht  iewels  in  their  bounteous  eares. 
But  stay,  I  loose  my  selfe,  and  wrong  their  patience; 
33o  If  I  dwel  here,  they'le  not  begin,  I  see: 

Friends  sit  you  still,  and  entertaine  this  troupe 
With  some  familiar  and  by-conference, 
He  hast  them  sound:  now  gentlemen  I  go 
To  turne  an  Actor,  and  a  Humorist, 
335  Where  (ere  I  do  resume  my  present  person) 
We  hope  to  make  the  circles  of  your  eies 
Flow  with  distilled  laughter:  if  we  faile, 
We  must  impute  it  to  this  onely  chance, 
,,  Art  hath  an  enemie  cal'd  Ignorance. 
340  Exit. 

Cord.  How  do  you  like  his  spirit,  Mitisl  3ji 

Mil.  I  should  like  it  much  better,  if  he  were  lesse  confident. 
Cord.  Why,  do  you  suspect  his  merit? 
Mit.  No,  but  I  feare  this  will  procure  him  much  enuie. 
345      Cordatus.  O,  that  sets  the  stronger  scale  on  his  desert,  if  he  had  no 
enemies,  I  should  esteeme  his  fortunes  most  wretched  at  this  in 
stant. 

Mit.  You  haue  scene  his  play  Cordatus?  pray  you;  how  is't? 
Cord.  Faith  sir,  I  must  refraine  to  iudge,  onely  this  I  can  say  of  it, 
35o  'tis  strange,  and  of  a  perticular  kind  by  it  selfe,  somewhat  like  Vetus 
Comozdia:  a  worke  that  hath  bounteously  pleased  me,  how  it  will  an- 
swere  the  generall  expectation,  I  know  not. 
Mit.  Does  he  obserue  all  the  lawes  of  Comedie  in  it? 
Cord.  What  lawes  meane  you? 

Mit.  Why 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i3] 

355      Mit.  Why  the  equall  deuision  of  it  into  Acts  and  Scenes,  accor-    884 
ding  to  the  Terentian  manner,  his  true  number  of  Actors;  the  furni 
shing  of  the  Scene  with  Grex  or  Chorus,  and  that  the  whole  Argu 
ment  fall  within  compasse  of  a  daies  efficiencie. 
Cord.  O  no,  these  are  too  nice  obseruations. 

36o      Mit.  They  are  such  as  must  be  receiued  by  your  fauour,  or  it  can 
not  be  Authentique. 

Cord.  Troth  I  can  discerne  no  such  necessitie. 
Mit.  No? 

Cord.  No,  I  assure  you  signior;  if  those  lawes  you  speake  of,  had    3g3 
365  beene  deliuered  vs,  ab  Initio;  and  in  their  present  vertue  and  perfe 
ction,  there  had  beene  some  reason  of  obeying  their  powers:  but  'tis 
extant,  that  that  which  we  call  Comcedia,  was  at  first  nothing  but  a 
simple  and  continued  Satyre,  sung  by  one  only  person,  till  Susario  in- 
uented  a  second,  after  him  Epicharmus  a  third,  Phormus,  and  Chioni- 
370  des  deuised  to  haue  foure  Actors,  with  a  Prologue  and  Chorus',  to 
which  Cratinus  (long  after)  added  a  fift  and  fixt;  Eupolis  more,  Ari 
stophanes  more  than  they:  euery  man  in  the  dignity  of  his  spirit  and 
iudgement,  supplied  something:  and  (though  that  in  him  this  kind  of 
Poeme  appeared  absolute,  and  fully  perfected)  yet  how  is  the  face  of 
375  it  chang'd   since,  in   Menander,  Philemon,  Cecilius,  Plautus,  and 
the  rest;  who  haue  vtterly  excluded  the  Chorus,  altered  the  property 
of  the  persons,  their  names,  and  natures,  and  augmented  it  with  all 
libertie,  according  to  the  elegancie  and  disposition  of  those  times 
wherein  they  wrote?  I  see  not  then  but  wee  should  enioy  the  same 
38o  Licentia  or  free  power,  to  illustrate  and  heighten  our  inuention 
as  they  did;  and  not  bee  tied  to  those  strict  and  regular  formes, 
which  the  nicenesse  of  a  fewe  (who  are  nothing  but  Forme)  would 
thrust  vpon  vs. 

Mit.  Well,  we  will  not  dispute  of  this  nowe:  but  what's  .his    412 
385  Scene? 

Cor.  Mary  Insulafortunata,  Sir. 

Mit.  O,  the  fortunate  Hand?  masse  he  was  bound  himselfe  to  a 
strict  law  there. 
Cor.  Why  so? 

3go      Mit.   Hee  cannot  lightly  after  the  Scene  without  crossing  the 
seas. 

B  iii  Cor.  He 


Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Cor.  He  needs  not,  hauing  a  whole  Ilande  to  runne  through,  I    418 

thinke. 

Mil.  No?  howe  comes  it  then,  that  in  someone  play  wee  see  so 
395  manye  Seas,  Countries,  and  Kingdomes,  past  ouer  with  such  admi 
rable  dexteritie? 

Cor.  O,  that  but  shewes  how  wel  the  Authors  can  trauaile  in  their 
vocation,  and  out-run  the  apprehension  of  their  Auditory.  But  lea- 
uing  this,  I  would  they  would  begin  once:  this  protraction  is  able  to 
400  sower  the  best-settled  patience  in  the  Theatre. 

M it.  They  haue  answered  your  wish  Sir:  they  sounde. 

Sound  the  third  time. 

ENTER    P  ROLOGV  E. 

Cord.  O  here  comes  the  Prologue:  Now  sirre,  if  you  had  stayed    426 
405  a  little  longer,  I  meant  to  haue  spoke  your  prologue  for  you,  I 
fayth. 

Prol.  Marry  with  all  my  heart  sir,  you  shall  do  it  yet,  and  I  thanke 
you. 

Cord.  Nay,  nay,  stay,  stay,  heare  you? 

410      Prol.  You  coulde  not  haue  studyed  to  ha'done  mee  a  greater  be- 
nefite  at  the  instant,  for  I  protest  to  you,  I  am  vnperfect,  and  (had  I 
spoke  it)  I  must  of  necessity  haue  beene  out. 
Cord.  Why  but  do  you  speake  this  seriouslie? 
Prol.  Seriously!  I  (God's  my  helpe  do  I)  and  esteeme  my  selfe  in- 
4i5  debted  to  your  kindnesse  for  it. 
Cor.  For  what? 

Pro.  Why  for  vndertaking  the  prologue  for  mee. 
Cor.  How?  did  I  vndertake  it  for  you? 

Pro.  Did  you!  I  appeale  to  all  these  Gentlemen  whether  you  did 
420  or  no? Come,  it  pleases  you  to  cast  a  strange  looke  on't  now;  but  'twil 
not  seme. 

Cor.  Fore  God  but  it  must  serue:  and  therefore  speake  your  pro 
logue. 

Pro.  And  I  doe,  let  mee  die  poyson'd  with  some  venemous 
425  hisse,  and  neuer  liue  to  looke  as  highe  as  the  two-pennie  roome, 

a- 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [i5] 

gaine.  Exit. 

Hit.  Hee  has  put  you  to  it,  Syr: 

Cord.  Sdeath,  what  a  humorous  fellowe  is  this?  Gentlemen,  good 
faith  I  can  speake  no  prologue,  howsoeuer  his  weake  wit  has  had  the 

43o  fortune  to  make  this  strong  vse  of  mee  here  before  you:  but  I 
protest; 

Enter  Carlo  Boffone,  with  a  Boy. 

Carl.  Come,  come,  leaue  these  fustian  protestations:  away,  come,    484 
I  cannot  abide  these  gray-headed  ceremonies.  Boy,  fetch  meaglasse, 

435  quickly,  I  may  bid  these  gentlemen  welcom;  giue'hem  a  health  here: 
I  mar'le  whose  wit  'twas  to  put  a  prologue  in  yon'd  Sackbuts  mouth: 
they  might  wel  thinke  heel'd  be  out  of  tune,  and  yet  youl'd  plaie  vp- 
on  him  too.  Exit  Boie. 

Cord.  Hang  him  dull  block. 

440  Carl.  O  good  wordes,  good  wordes,  a  well-timberde  fellow,  hee 
woulde  ha'made  a  good  columne  and  he  had  been  thought  on  when 
the  house  was  a  building.  O  art  thou  Enter  Boy  with 

come? wel  sayd:giue  mee;  Boy,fil,so:  a  glasse. 

here's  a  cup  of  wine  sparkles  like  a  Diamonde.  Gentlewomen  (I  am 

445  swornetoput  them  in  first)  and  Gentlemen,  a  round,  in  place  of  a  bad 
prologue,  I  drink  this  good  draught  to  your  health  here,  Canarie,  the 
verie  Elixi'r  and  Spirit  of  (He  drinkes.} 

wine:  this  is  that  our  Poet  calles  Castalian  liquor,  when  hee  comes  a-    467 
broad  (nowe  and  then)  once  in  a  fortnight,  and  makes  a  good  Meale 

460  among  plaiers;  where  he  has  Caninum  appetitum:  mary  at  home  hee 
keepes  a  good  Philosophicall  diet,  beans  and  butter-milke:  an  honest 
pure  rogue,  he  wil  take  you  off  three,  foure,  fiue  of  these  one  after  ano 
ther,  and  looke  vilanously  when  he  has  done,  like  a  one-headed  Cer 
berus  (he  do'not  heare  me  I  hope)  and  then  when  his  belly  is  well  bal- 

455  lac't,  and  his  braine  rigg'd  a  little;  he  sailes  away  withall,  as  though  he 
would  worke  wonders  when  hee  comes  home:  hee  has  made  a  plaie 
heere,  &  hee  cals  it;  Euery  man  out  of  his  humour.  Sblood  and  hee  get 
mee  out  of  the  humour  hee  has  put  mee  in,  He  ner'e  trust  none  of  his 
tribe  agayne,  while  I  Hue.  Gentles,  al  I  canne  say  for  him,  is,  you 

460  are  welcome.  I  coulde  wishe  my  bottle  heere  amongst  you;  but 
there's  an  olde  rule;  No  pledging  your  owne  health:  marye  if 
anye  heere  bee  thirstye  for  it,  theyr  best  waye  (that  I  knowe) 

is, 


[16]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

is,  sit  still,  scale  vp  their  lips,  and  drinke  so  much  of  the  play  in  at  their 
eares.  Exit. 

465      Mil.  What  may  this  fellow  be,  Cordatus?  ^83 

Cord.  Faith,  if  the  time  will  suffer  his  description,  I'le  giue  ityou:he 
is  one,  the  Author  cals  him  Carlo  Buffone,  an  impudent  common  ie- 
ster,  a  violent  railer,  and  an  incomprehensible  Epicure:  one,  whose 
company  is  desir'd  of  all  men,  but  belou'd  of  none;  he  wil  sooner  loose 
470  his  soule  than  a  iest,  and  prophane  euen  the  most  holy  things,  to  excite 
laughter:  no  honourable  or  reuerende  personage  whatsoeuer,  can 
come  within  the  reach  of  his  eye, but  is  turn'd  into  all  mannerof  vari- 
etie,  by  his  adult'rate  simile's. 

Mil.  You  paint  forth  a  monster. 

475  Cord .  He  will  prefer  all  countries  before  his  natiue,  and  thinks  hee 
can  neuer  sufficiently,  or  with  admiration  enough,  deliuer  his  affec 
tionate  conceit  of  forrein  Atheistical  pollicies:  but  stay,  obserue  these, 
hee'le  appeare  himselfe  anon. 

Enter  Macilente,  solus. 

480      Mil.  O,  this  is  your  enuious  man  (Macilente)  I  thinke. 
Cord.  The  same,  sir. 

ACTVS    PRIMVS.    SCENA    PRIM  A.  Folio 

Act.I.Sc.i. 
Mac.  Viri  est,  fortunes  ccecitatem  facile  ferre:  5oo 

Tis  true;  but  Stoique;  where  (in  the  vast  worlde) 
485  Doth  that  man  breath,  thatcan  so  much  command 

His  bloud  and  his  affection?  well;  I  see, 

I  striue  in  vaine  to  cure  my  wounded  soule; 

For  euery  cordiall  that  my  thoughtes  applie 

Turns  to  a  cor'siue,  and  doth  eat  it  farder. 
490  There  is  no  tast  in  this  Philosophic, 

Tis  like,  a  Potion  that  a  man  shoulde  drinke, 

But  turnes  his  Stomacke  with  the  sight  of  it. 

I  am  no  such  pild  Cinique,  to  beleeue 

That  beggerie  is  the  onelie  happinesse; 
495  Or  (with  a  number  of  these  patient  YoolesJ 

To  sing:  My  minde  to  mee  a  Kingdome  is, 

When  the  lanke  hungry  belly  barkes  for  foode: 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [17] 

I  looke  into  the  worlde,  and  there  I  meet  5i6 

With  obiectes,  that  doe  strike  my  blood-shot  eies 
5oo  Into  my  braine;  where,  when  I  view  my  selfe; 

Haumg  before  obseru'd:  this  man  is  great, 

Mighty,  and  fear'd:  that  lou'd  and  highly  fauour'd: 

A  third,  thought  wise  and  learned:  a  fourth,  rich, 

And  therefore  honour'd:  a  fifth,  rarelie  featur'd: 
5o5  A  sixth,  admir'd  for  his  nuptiall  fortunes: 

When  I  see  these  (I  say)  and  view  my  selfe, 

I  wish  my  Optique  instruments  were  crackt; 

And  that  the  engine  of  my  griefe  coulde  cast 

Mine  eye-bals  like  two  globes  of  wild-fire  forth, 
5io  To  melt  this  vnproportion'd  frame  of  Nature. 

Oh,  they  are  thoughts  that  haue  transfixt  my  heart, 

And  often  (i'  the  strength  of  apprehension) 

Made  my  cold  passion  stand  vpon  my  face, 

Like  droppes  of  sweate  on  a  stiffe  cake  of  yce. 

5i5  'GREX. 

Cor.     This  alludes  well  to  that  of  the  Poet,  534 

Inuidus  suspirat,  gemit,  incutitque  denies, 

Sudatfrigidus,  intuens  quododit. 
Mil.     O  peace,  you  breake  the  Scene. 

52O  Enter  Sogliardo,  with  Carlo  Buffone. 

SCENA    SEC. 

Mac.  Soft,  who  be  these?  538 

I'le  lay  me  downe  a  while  till  they  be  past. 

GREX. 

525      Cor.  i  Signior,  note  this  gallant  I  praie  you. 
Hit.  '  What  is  hee? 

Cor.  '  A  tame  Rooke,  youle  take  him  presently:  List.  Folio 

Sog.   Nay  looke  you   Carlo:  this   is  my  Humour  now;  I  haue  Act.I.Sc.2. 
lande  and  money,  my  friendes  left  mee  well,  and  I  will  be  a  gen- 
53o  tleman  whatsoeuer  it  cost  me. 

C  Car. 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Car.  A  most  gentleman-like  resolution. 

Sog.  Tut,  and  I  take  an  humor  of  a  thing  once,  I  am  like  your    550 
taylors  needle,  I  go  through:  but,  for  my  name  Signior,  howe 
thinke  you?  will  it  not  seme  for  a  gentlemans  name,  when  the 
535  Signior  is  put  to  it?  Ha? 

Car.  Let  me  heare:  how  is't? 

Sog.  Signior  Insulso  Sogliardo:  me  thinkes  it  sounds  well. 

Car.  O  excellent:  tut  and  all  fitted  to  your  name,  you  might   v 
very  well  stand  for  a  gentleman:  I  know  many  Sogliardoes  gen- 

540  tlemen. 

Sog.  Why  and  for  my  wealth  I  might  be  a  lustice  of  peace. 
Car.  I,  and  a  Constable  for  your  wit. 

Sog.  All  this  is  my  Lordship  you  see  here,  and  those  farmes 
you  came  by. 

545      Car.  Good  steps  to  gentility  too,  mary:  but  Sogliardo,  if  you    56i 
affect  to  be  a  gentleman  indeed,  you  must  obserue  all  the  rare 
qualities,  humors,  and  complements  of  a  gentleman. 

Sog.  I  know  it  Signior,  and  if  you  please  to  instruct,  I  am  not 
too  good  to  learne,  He  assure  you. 

55o  Car-  Inough  sir:  lie  make  admirable  vse  i'the  proiection  of 
my  medicine  vpon  this  lumpe  of  copper  here.  He  bethinke  mee 
for  you  sir. 

Sog.  Signior,  I  will  both  pay  you  and  pray  you,  and  thanke 
you  and  thinke  on  you. 
555  GREX. 

Cord.  Is  not  this  purely  good? 

Mac.  Sbloud,  why  should  such  a  prick-eard  Hind  as  this 
Bee  rich?  Ha?  a  foole?  such  a  transparent  gull 
That  may  bee  scene  through?  wherefore  should  he  haue  land, 
56o  Houses,  and  Lordships?  O,  I  could  eat  my  entrailes, 
And  sinke  my  soule  into  the  earth  with  sorrow. 

Car.  First  (to  be  an  accomplisht  gentleman,  that  is,  a  gentle 
man  of  the  time)  you  must  giue  ore  housekeeping  in  the  coun- 
trey,  and  Hue  altogether  in  the  cittie  amongst  gallants;  where, 
565  at  your  first  apparance,  twere  good  you  turnde  foure  or  fiue 
hundred  acres  of  your  best  lande  into  two  or  three  trunkes  of 
apparell;  you  may  doe  it  without  going  to  a  Coniurer:  and  be 

sure 


QUARTO]  EUQT}T  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [19] 

sure  you  mixe  your  selfe  still,  with  such  as  flourish  in  the  spring 
of  the  fashion,  and   are  least  popular;  studie  their  cariage  and 
570  behauior  in  all:  learne  to  play  at  Primero  and  Passage,  and  (euer 
when  you   loose)  ha'two  or  three  peculiar  othes  to  sweare  by, 
that  no  man   else  sweres:  but  aboue  all;  protest  in  your  plaie, 
and  affirme,  Vpon  your  credite\  As  you  are  a  gentleman  (at  euerie 
cast:)  you  may  do  it  with  a  safe  conscience,  I  warrant  you. 
SyS      Sog.  O  admirable  rare  !   hee  cannot  chuse  but  bee  a  Gentle-    58g 
man,   that    ha's  these    excellent  giftes;   more,   more,    I   beseech 
you. 

Car.  You  must  endeuour  to  feede  cleanly  at  your  Ordinarie, 
sit  melancholy,  and  picke  your  teeth  when  you  cannot  speake; 
58o  and  when  you  come  to  Playes,  bee  Humorous,  looke  with  a 
good  starch't  face,  and  ruffle  your  brow  like  a  new  boot,  laugh 
at  nothing  but  your  owne  iests,  or  else  as  the  Noblemen  laugh; 
that's  a  speciall  grace  you  must  obserue. 

Sog.  I  warrant  you,  sir. 

585      Car.  I,  and  sit  o'the  stage,  and  floult;  prouided,  you  haue  a 
good  suit. 

Sog.  O  He  haue  a  suit  onely  for  that  sir. 
Car.  You  must  talke  much  of  your  kindred  and  alies. 
Sog.  Lies!  no  Signior,  I  shall  not  neede  to  do  so,  II  haue  kin- 
Sop  dred  in  the  Cittie  to  talke  of;  I  haue  a  neece  is  a  Merchants  wife; 
and  a  nephew,  my  brother  Sordidos  son  of  the  Innes  of  Court. 

Car.  O  but  you  must  pretend  alliance  with  Courtiers  and  6o3 
great  persons:  and  euer  when  you  are  to  Dine  or  Suppe  in  anie 
strange  presence,  hire  a  fellowe  with  a  great  chayne  (though 
5g5  it  bee  copper  it's  no  matter)  to  bring  you  Letters,  feign'd 
from  such  a  Noble  man,  or  such  a  Knight,  or  such  a  Ladie,  To 
theyr  worshipfull,  right  rare,  and  Noble  qualified  friende  or 
kinsman,  Signior  Insulso  Sogliardo',  giue  your  selfe,  stile  .enough.  , 
And  there  (while  you  intende  circumstances  of  newes,  or  en- 
Goo  quirie  of  their  health,  or  soe)  one  of  your  Familiars  (whome 
you  must  carrie  about  you  still)  breakes  it  vppe  (as  twere  in  a 
iest)  and  reades  it  publikely  at  the  Table;  at  which,  you  must 
seeme  to  take  as  vnpardonable  offence  as  if  hee  had  torne 
your  mistresse  colours,  or  breath'd  vpon  her  picture;  and  pur- 

C    ii  sue 


[2o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

6o5  sue  it  with  that  hot  grace,  as  if  you  would  enforce  a  challenge 
vpon  it  presently. 

Sog.  Stay,  I  doe  not  like  that  humor  of  challenge,  it  may  be  6i5 
accepted:  but  Tie  tell  you  what's  my  humor  now:  I  will  doe 
this,  I  will  take  occasion  of  sending  one  of  my  suites  to  the 
610  Taylors  to  haue  the  pocket  repaired,  or  so;  and  there  such  a 
letter  as  you  talke  of  (broke  open  and  all)  shall  bee  left:  O, 
the  Taylor  will  presently  giue  out  what  I  am  vpon  the  reading 
of  it:  worth  twenty  of  your  Gallants. 

Car.  But  then  you  must  put  on  an  extreame  face  of  discon- 
6l5  tentment  at  your  mans  negligence. 

Sog.  O,  so  I  will,  and  beate  him  too:  Tie  haue  a  man  for  the 
purpose. 

Mac.    You    maie;    you   haue    land    and    crownes:    O    partiall 
Fate! 

620      Car.  Masse  well  remembred,  you  must  keepe  your  men  gal-    625 
lant,  at  the  first,  fine  pide  Liueries  laide  with  good  gold  lace, 
there's  no  lesse  in  it,  they  may  rip't  off  and  pawn  it,  when*  they 
lacke  victuals. 

Sog.  Byr  Lady  that  is  chargeable  Signior,  'twill  bring  a  man 
6a5  in  debt. 

Car.  Debt?  why  that's  the  more  for  your  credit  sir:  it's  an  ex 
cellent  pollicie  to  owe  much  in  these  daies,  if  you  note  it. 
Sog.  As  how  good  Signior?  I  would  faine  be  a  Politician. 
Car.   O,    looke    where   you    are   indebted    any   great   summe,     632 
63o  your  creditor  obserues  you  with  no  lesse  regard,  than  if  he  were 
bound  to  you  for    some  huge  benefit,   and  will   quake  to   giue 
you  the  least  cause  of  offence,  least  hee  loose  his  money:  I  as 
sure  you  (in  these  times)  no  man  has  his  seruant  more  obsequi 
ous  and  pliant,  than  gentlemen  their  creditors:  to  whom   (if  at 
635  any  time)  you  pay  but  a  moiety  or  a  fourth  part,  it  comes  more 
acceptedly,  than  if  you  gaue'hem  a  newyeares  gift. 

Sog.  I  perceiue  you  sir,   I  will  take  vp,  and  bring  my  selfe  in 
credit  sure. 

Car.    Marry   this;    alwaies    beware    you    commerce    not    with 
640  bankrupts,    or   poore    needie    Ludgathians:  they    are    impudent 
creatures,  turbulent  spirits,  they  care  not  what  violent  trage 
dies 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [21] 

dies  they  stirre,  nor  howe  they  play  fast  and  loose  with  a  poore 
gentlemans  fortunes  to  get  their  owne:   marry,   these   rich   fel- 
lowes  (that  ha'the  world,  or  the  better  part  of  it,  sleeping  in 
645  their  countinghouses)   they  are  ten  times  more  placable,   they: 
either  feare,   hope,   or  modestie,   restraines  them  from   offering 
any  outrages:  but  this  is  nothing  to  your  followers,   you   shall 
not  run  a  pennie  more  in  arrerage  for  them,  and  you  list  your 
selfe. 
65o      Sog.  No?  how  should  I  keepe'hem  then?  65o 

Carl.    Keepe'hem?    Sbloud   let    them   keepe    themselues,    they 
are  no  sheepe,   are  they?  What?  you    shall  come    in    houses, 
where  plate,   apparrell,  iewels,   and    diuerse   other   pretty    com 
modities  lie   negligently  scattered,   and   I   would   ha'those  Mer- 
655  curies  follow  me  (I  trow)  should  remember  they  had  not  their 
fingers  for  nothing. 
Sog.  That's  not  so  good  me  thinkes. 

Car.   Why  after  you   haue  kept  'hem  a  fortnight  or  so,   and 
shew'd  'hem  ynough  to  the  world,  you   may  turne  'hem   away, 
660  and  keepe  no  more  but  a  boy,  it's  ynough. 

Sog.  Nay  my  humor  is  not  for  boies,  He  keepe  men,  and  I 
keepe  any;  and  He  giue  coates,  that's  my  humor:  but  I  lacke  a 
Cullisen. 

Car.  Why  now  you  ride  to  the  cittie,  you  may  buy  one,  He    662 
665  bring  you  where  you  shall  ha'  your  choise  for  money. 
Sog.  Can  you  sir? 

Car.  O  I:  you  shal  haue  one  take  measure  of  you,  and  make 
you  a  Coat  of  armes  to  fit  you  of  what  fashion  you  will. 

Sog.  By  word  of  mouth   I  thanke  you  Signior;   He  be  once  a 
670  little  prodigal  in  a  Humor  in  faith,  and  haue  a  most  prodigious 
Coat. 

Mac.  Torment  and  death,  breake  head  and  braine  at  once 
To  be  deliuer'd  of  your  fighting  issue. 
Who  can  endure  to  see  blind  Fortune  dote  thus? 
675  To  be  enamour'd  on  this  dustie  Turfe? 

This  clod?  a  hoorsen  Puckfist?  O  God,  God,  God,  God,  &c. 
I  could  runne  wild  with  griefe  now  to  behold 
The  ranknesse  of  her  bounties,  that  doth  breed 

C  iii  Such 


[22]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Such  bulrushes;  these  Mushrompe  Gentlemen,  6j6 

680  That  shoot  vp  in  a  night  to  place  and  worship. 
Car.  Let  him  alone,  some  stray,  some  stray. 
Sog.  Nay  I  will  examine  him  before  I  go  sure. 
Car.  The  Lord  of  the  soile  ha's  al  wefts  and  straies  here?  ha's 
he  not? 
685      Sog.  Yes  sir. 

Car.  Faith  then  I  pitty  the  poore  fellowe,  hee's  falne  into  a 
fooles  hands. 

Sog.  Sirah,  who  gaue  you  commission  to  lie  in  my  Lordship? 
Mac.  Your  Lordship? 

690      Sog.  How?  my  Lordship?  doe  you  know  me  sir? 
Mac.  I  doe  Know  you  sir. 
Car.  S'heart,  he  answeres  him  like  an  Eccho. 
Sog.  Why,  who  am  I  Sir? 

Mac.  One  of  those  that  fortune  fauors.  690 

695      Car.  The  Periphrasis  of  a  foole;  He  obserue  this  better. 
Sog.  That  fortune  fauors?  how  meane  you  that  friend? 
Mac.   I   meane  simply;   That  you    are  one  that    Hues  not  by 
your  wits. 

Sog.  By  my  wits?  No  sir,  I  scorne  to  Hue  by  my  wits,  I;  I  haue 
700  better  meanes  I  tell  thee,  than  to  take  such  base  courses,  as  to 
Hue  by  my  wits.  Sbloud  doest  thou  thinke  I  Hue  by  my  wits? 
Mac.  Me  thinkes  lester,  you  should  not  relish  this  well. 
Car.  Ha?  does  he  know  me? 

Mac.  Though  yours  be  the  worst  vse  a  man  can  put  his  wit  700 
7o5  too  of  thousandes,  to  prostitute  it  at  euery  Tauerne  and  Ordi- 
narie;  yet  (me  thinkes)  you  should  haue  turn'd  your  broad  side 
at  this,  and  haue  beene  ready  with  an  Apologie,  able  to  sinke 
this  Hulke  of  Ignorance  into  the  bottome,  and  depth  of  his 
Contempt. 

710  Car.  Sboud  tis  Macilente:  Signior,  you  are  wel  encountred, 
how  is't?  O  we  must  not  regard  what  he  saies  man,  a  Trout,  a 
shallow  foole,  he  ha's  no  more  braine  than  a  Butterflie,  a  meere 
stuft  suit,  he  looks  like  a  mustie  bottle,  newe  wickerd,  his  head's 
the  Corke,  'light,  light.  I  am  glad  to  see  you  so  well  return'd 
7i5  Signior. 

Mac.  You 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [23] 

Mac.  You  are?  Gramercie  good  lanus.  jio 

Sog.   Is  he  one   of  your  acquaintance?  I  loue  him  the  better 
for  that. 

Car.  Gods  pretious,  come  away  man,  what  do  you  mean?  and 
720  you  knew  him  as  I  do,  you'ld  shun  him,  as  you'ld  do  the  plauge? 
Sog.  Why  sir? 

Car.  O,  hee's  a  blacke  fellow,  take  heed  on  him. 
Sog.  Is  he  a  Scholler  or  a  Soldior? 

Car.  Both,   both;  a  leane  Mungrell,  hee  lookes  as  if  he  were 
725  chap-falne    with    barking    at    other    mens   good  fortunes:  'ware 
how  you  offend  him,  he  carries  Oyle  and  Fire  in  his  pen,  will 
scald  where  it  drops,  his  Spirit's  like  Powder,  quicke,  violent: 
hee'le  blow  a  man  vp  with  a  iest:  I  feare  him  worse  than  a  rot 
ten  Wall  do's  the  Cannon,  shake  an  hower  after  at  the  report: 
73o  away,  come  not  neere  him. 

Sog.  For  Gods  sake  lets  be  gone,  and  he  be  a  Scholler,  you    728 
know  I  cannot  abide  him,  I  had  as  leeue  see  a  Cocatrice,  speci 
ally  as  Cocatrices  go  now. 

Car.  What,  youle  stay  signior?  this   gentleman  Sogliardo  and 
735  I  are  to  visit  the  knight  Puntaruolo,  and  from  thence  to  the  Ci- 
tie,  we  shall  meete  there. 

Exeunt  Car.  and  Sog. 

Mac.  I,  when  I  cannot  shun  you,  we  will  meet.  729 

Tis  strange:  of  all  the  creatures  I  haue  seene, 
740  I  enuie  not  this  Buff  on,  for  indeed 

Neither  his  fortunes  nor  his  parts  deserue  it; 
But  I  doe  hate  him  as  I  hate  the  deuill, 
Or  that  bras-visag'd  monster  Barbarisme. 
O,  tis  an  open-throated,  blacke-mouth'd  curre, 
746  That  bites  at  all,  but  eates  on  those  that  feed  him, 
A  slaue,  that  to  your  face  will  ( Serpent-like) 
Creepe  on  the  ground,  as  he  would  eat  the  dust; 
And  to  your  backe  will  turne  the  taile  and  sting 
More  deadly  than  a  Scorpion:  stay,  who's  this: 
760  Now  for  my  soule,  another  minion 

Of  the  old  lady  Chance's:  He  obserue  him. 

Enter 


[24]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Enter  Sordido  with  a  Prognostication.  Folio 

SCENA    TER.  Act.I.Sc.1 

Sord.  O  rare,  good,  good,  good,  good,  good,  I  thanke  my 
755  Christ,  I  thanfce  my  Christ  for  it. 

Mac.  Said  I  not  true?  doth  not  his  passion  speake 
Out  of  my  diuination?  O  my  sences, 
Why  loose  you  not  your  powers,  and  become 
Dead,  dull,  and  blunted  with  this  Spectacle? 
760  I  know  him,  tis  Sordido,  the  farmer, 

A  Boore,  and  brother  to  that  Swine  was  here. 

Sor.  Excellent,  excellent,  excellent,   as  I    would    wish,   as    I 
would  wish. 

Mac.  See  how  the  strumpet  Fortune  tickles  him,  755 

765  And  makes  him  swoune  with  laughter, O,O,O. 

Sord.  Ha,  ha,  ha,  I  will  not  sow  my  grounds  this  yeare,  Let 
me  see,  what  haruest  shall  we  haue?  June,  luly? 
Mac.  What  is't  a  Prognostication  rap's  him  so? 
Sord.  The  xx.  xxi.  xxii.  daies,  raine  and  wind,  O  good,  good; 
770  the  xxiii.  and  xxiiii.  raine  and  some  wind,  good;  the  xxv.  raine, 
good  still;   xxvi.   xxvii.   xxviii,   wind  and   some  raine;   would  it 
had  been  raine  and  some  wind:  well  tis  good  (when  it  can  bee 
no  better)  xxix.  inclining  to  raine:  inclining  to  raine?  that's  not 
so  good  now.  xxx.  and  xxxi.  wind  and  no  raine:  no  raine?  S'lid 
775  stay;  this  is  worse  and  worse:  what  saies  he  of  S.  Swithins?  turne 
backe,  looke,  S.  Swithins:  no  raine? 

Mac.  O  here's  a  pretious  filthy  damned  rogue,  76? 

That  fats  himselfe  with  expectation 
Of  rotten  weather,  and  vnseason'd  howers; 
780  And  he  is  rich  for  it,  an  elder  brother, 

His  barnes  are  full,  his  reekes,  and  mowes  well  trod, 
His  garners^cracke  with  store.  O,  tis  well;  ha,  ha,  ha: 
A  plague  consume  thee  and  thy  house. 

Sord.  O  here,  5.  Swithins,  the  xv.  day,  variable  weather,  for 

785  the  most  part   raine,   good;   for  the  most  part   raine:   Why  it 

should  raine  fortie  daies  after  nowe,  more  or  lesse,  it   was  a  rule 

held  afore  I  was  able  to  hold  a  plough,  and  yet  here  are  two 

daies, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

daies,  no  rain;  ha?  it  makes  me  muse.  Weele  see  how  the  next 
month  begins,  if  that  be  better.  August:  August,  first,  second, 

790  third,  and  fourth  daies,  rainie,  and  blustering;  this  is  well  now: 
fift,  sixt,  seuenth,  eight,  and  ninth,  raine,  with  some  thunder;  I 
marry,  this  is  excellent;  the  other  was  false  printed  sure:  the 
tenth  and  eleuenth,  great  store  of  raine;  O  good,  good,  good, 
good,  good;  the  twelfth,  thirteenth,  and  fourteenth  daies,  rain; 

7g5  good  still:  fifteenth  and  fixteenth,  raine;  good  still:  seuenteenth 
and  eighteenth,  raine,  good  still;  nineteenth  and  twentieth, 
Good  still,  good  still,  good  still,  good  still,  good  still;  one  and 
twentieth,  some  raine;  some  raine?  well,  wee  must  be  patient, 
and  attend  the  heauens  pleasure,  would  it  were  more  though: 

800  the  one  and  twentith,  two  and  twentith,  three  and  twentith, 
great  tempest  of  raine,  thunder,  and  lightning. 

0  good  againe,  past  expectation  good: 

1  thanke  my  blessed  angell;  neuer,  neuer, 
Laid  I  penny  better  out  than  this, 

8o5  To  purchase  this  deare  booke:  not  deare  for  price, 

And  yet  of  me  as  dearely  priz'd  as  life, 

Since  in  it  is  contain'd  the  very  life, 

Bloud,  strength,  and  sinewes  of  my  happinesse: 

Blest  be  the  houre  wherein  I  bought  this  booke, 
810  His  studies  happie  that  compos'd  the  booke, 

And  the  man  fortunate  that  sold  the  booke: 

Sleepe  with  this  charme,  and  be  as  true  to  me 

As  I  am  ioy'd  and  confident  in  thee. 

Enter  a  Hind  to  Sordido  with  a  paper. 
8i5      Mac.  Ha,  ha,  ha?  I'not  this  good?  Is't  not  pleasing  this?  ha,  ha?    802 

Is't  possible  that  such  a  spacious  villaine  (Gods  ha? 

Should  liue  and  not  be  plagu'd?  or  lies  he  hid 

Within  the  wrinckled  bosome  of  the  world, 

Where  heauen  cannot  see  him?  Sblood  (me  thinkesj 
820  'Tis  rare  and  admirable,  that  he  should  breath  and  walke, 

Feed  with  disgestion,  sleepe,  enioy  his  health, 

And  (like  a  boist'rous  Whale  swallowing  the  poore) 

Still  swimme  in  wealth  and  pleasure:  is't  not  strange? 

Vnlesse  his  house  and  skin  were  thunder-proofe, 

D  I  won- 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[26J  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

825  I  wonder  at  it.  Me  thinkes  now,  the  Hecticke,  8i3 

Gout,  Leprosie,  or  some  such  loath'd  disease 

Might  light  vpon  him;  or  that  fire  (from  heauen) 

Might  fall  vpon  his  barnes;  or  mice  and  rats 

Eat  vp  his  graine;  or  else  that  it  might  rot 
83o  Within  the  hoarie  Reekes,  e'ne  as  it  stands: 

Me  thinkes  this  might  be  well;  and  after  all 

The  deuill  might  come  and  fetch  him:  I,  tis  true. 

Meane  time  he  surfets  in  prosperitie, 

And  thou  (in  enuie  of  him)  gnaw'st  thy  selfe, 
835  Peace  foole,  get  hence,  and  tell  thy  vexed  spirit, 

„  Wealth  in  this  age  will  scarcely  looke  on  merit.  Exit. 

Sord.  Who  brought  this  same  sirha?  828 

Hind.  Marry  sir  one  of  the  Justices  men,  hee  saies  tis  a  pre 
cept,  and  all  their  hands  be  at  it. 
840      Sord.  I,  and  the  prints  of  them  sticke  in  my  flesh 

Deeper  than  i'their  letters:  They  haue  sent  me 

Pils  wrapt  in  paper  here,  that  should  I  take'hem, 

Would  poison  all  the  sweetnesse  of  my  Booke, 

And  turne  my  Honey  into  Hemlocke  iuice: 
845  But  I  am  wiser  than  to  serue  their  precepts, 

Or  follow  their  prescriptions:  Here's  a  deuise, 

To  charge  me  bring  my  Graine  into  the  markets: 

I,  much,  when  I  haue  neither  Barne  nor  Garner, 

Nor  Earth  to  hide  it  in,  He  bring  it;  but  till  then, 
85o  Each  corne  I  send  shall  be  as  big  as  Paules. 

O,  but  (say  some)  the  poore  are  like  to  sterue. 

Why  let'hem  sterue,  what's  that  to  me?  are  Bees 

Bound  to  keepe  life  in  Drones  and  idle  Moaths?  no: 

Why  such  are  these  (that  tearme  themselues  the  poore, 
855  Only  because  they  would  be  pittied) 

But  are  indeed  a  sort  of  lazie  Beggers, 

Licencious  Rogues  and  sturdie  Vagabonds, 

Bred  (by  the  sloth  of  a  fat  plenteous  yearej 

Like  snakes  in  heat  of  summer  out  of  dung, 
860  And  this  is  all  that  these  cheape  times  are  good  for: 

Where  as  a  holesome  and  penurious  Dearth 

Purges 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [27] 

Purges  the  soile  of  such  vile  excrements, 
And  kils  the  Vipers  vp. 
Hind.  O  but  maister, 
865  Take  heed  they  heare  you  not. 
Sord.  Why  so? 

Hind.  They  will  exclaime  against  you.  ^53 

Sord.  I,  their  exclaimes 

Moue  me  as  much,  as  thy  breath  moues  a  Mountaine; 
870  Poore  wormes,  they  hisse  at  me,  whilst  I  at  home 
Can  be  contented  to  applaud  my  selfe, 
To  sit  and  clap  my  hands,  and  laugh  and  leape, 
Knocking  my  head  against  my  roofe,  with  ioy 
To  see  how  plumpe  my  bags  are,  and  my  barnes. 
875  Sirah,  go,  hie  you  home,  and  bid  your  fellowes 
Get  all  their  flailes  readie  againe  I  come. 
Hind.  I  will  sir.  Exit  Hind. 

Cord.  He  instantly  set  all  my  hinds  to  thrashing  862 

Of  a  whole  Reeke  of  corne,  which  I  will  hide 
880  Vnder  the  ground;  and  with  the  straw  thereof 
He  stuffe  the  outsides  of  my  other  Mowes: 
That  done,  He  haue'hem  emptie  all  my  Garners, 
And  i'the  friendly  Earth  bury  my  store, 
That  when  the  Searchers  come  they  may  suppose 
885  All's  spent,  and  that  my  fortunes  were  belied. 
And  to  lend  more  opinion  to  my  want, 
And  stop  that  many-mouthed  vulgar  Dog, 
(Which  else  would  still  be  baying  at  my  dore) 
Each  market  day,  I  will  be  seene  to  buy 
890  Part  of  the  purest  Wheat,  as  for  my  houshold: 

Where  when  it  comes,  it  shall  encrease  my  heapes, 
Twill  yeeld  me  treble  gaine  at  this  deare  time, 
Promisd  in  this  deare  Booke:  I  haue  cast  all, 
Till  then  I  will  not  sell  an  eare,  He  hang  first. 
8o,5  O  I  shall  make  my  prizes  as  I  list, 

My  house  and  I  can  feed  on  Peas  and  Barley, 

What  though  a  world  of  wretches  sterue  the  while? 

,,  He  that  will  thriue,  must  thinke  no  courses  vile.  Exit. 

D    ij  GREX. 


[28J  Euery  main  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

.   GREX. 

goo      Cord.  Now  signior,  how  approue  you  this?  haue  the  Humo-    884 
rists  exprest  themselues  truly  or  no? 

Mit.  Yes  (if  it  be  wel  prosecuted)  tis  hitherto  happy  ynough: 
but  me  thinks  Macilente  went  hence  too  soone,  he  might  haue 
been  made  to  stay  and  speake  somwhat  in  reproofe  of  Sordido's 
go5  wretchednesse,  now  at  the  last. 

Cor.  O  no,  that  had  bin  extreamly  improper,  besides  he  had  coti- 

nued  the  Scene  too  log  with  him  as  twas,  being  in  no  more  actio. 

Mit.  You  may  enforce  the  length  as  a  necessary  reason;  but  for 

propriety  the  Scene  wold  very  wel  haue  born  it,  in  my  iudgment. 

910      Cor.  O  worst  of  both:  why  you  mistake  his  humor  vtterly  the. 

Mit.  How?  do  I  mistake  it?  is't  not  Envie? 

Cord.  Yes,  but  you  must  vnderstand  Signior,  hee  enuies  him 

not  as  he  is  a  villaine,  a  wolfe  i'  the  commonwealth,  but  as  he  is 

rich  and  fortunate  ;  for  the  true  condition  of  enuy,  is  Dolor  alienee 

gi5  felicitatis,  to  haue  our   eies  continually  fixt  vpon   another  mans 

prosperity,  that  is  his  chiefe  happinesse,  and  to  grieue  at  that. 

Whereas  if  we  make  his  monstrous  and  abhord  actions,  our  ob- 

iect,  the  griefe  (we  take  then)  comes  neerer  the  nature  of  Hate 

than  Enuie,  as  being  bred  out  of  a  kind  of  contempt  and  lothing 

920  in  our  selues. 

Mit.  So  you'le  infer  it  had  beene  Hate,  not  Enuie  in  him,  to    904 
reprehend  the  humor  of  Sordido? 

Cord.  Right,  for  what  a  man  truely  enuies  in  another,  he  could 
alwaies  loue,  and  cherish  in  himselfe;  but  no  man  truely  repre- 
925  hends  in  another  what  he  loues  in  himselfe,  therefore  reprehen 
sion  is  out  of  his  Hate.  And  this  distinction  hath  hee  himselfe 
made  in  a  speech  there  (if  you  marke  it)  where  he  saies,  /  enuie 
not  this  Buff  on,  but  I  hate  him. 

Mit.  Stay  sir:  /  enuie  not  this  Buff  on,  but  I  hate  him:  why  might 
g3o  he  not  as  well  haue  hated  Sordido  as  him? 

Cord.  No  sir,  there  was  subiect  for  his  enuie  in  Sordido\  his 

wealth:  So  was  there  not  in  the  other,  hee  stood  possest  of  no 

one  eminent  gift,  but  a  most  odious  and  fiend-like   disposition, 

that  would  turne  Charity  it  selfe  into  Hate,  much  more  Enuie 

g35  for  the  present. 

Enter. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [29] 

Enter  Carlo  Buffone,  Sogliardo,  Fastidius  Briske,  Cinedo. 

ACTVS  SECVNDVS,  SCENA  PRIMA. 

Mit.  You  haue  satisfied  me  sir,  O  here  comes  the  Foole  and    917 
the  lester  againe  me  thinkes. 
940      Cord.  'Twere  pitty  they  should  be  parted  sir. 

Mit.  What  bright  shining  gallant's  that  with  them?  the 
knight  they  went  to? 

Cord.  No  sir,  this  is  one  Monsieur  Fastidius  Briske,  otherwise 
cal'd  the  fresh  Frenchefied  courtier. 
945      Mit.  A  humorist  too? 

Cord.  As  humorous  as  quickesiluer,  doe  but  obserue  him,  the 
Scene  is  the  countrey  still,  remember .. 

Fast.  Cinedo,  watch  when  the  knight  comes,  &  giue  vs  word.       Folio 
Cine.  I  will  sir.  Exit.  Act.II.Sc.i. 

960      Fast.  How  lik'st  thou  my  boy,  Carlo? 

Car.  O  wel,  wel  he  looks  like  the  colonel  of  a  Pigmies  horse, 
or  one  of  these  motions  in  a  great  antique  clocke:  hee  would 
shewe  well  vpon  a  Habberdashers  stall,  at  a  corner  shop  rarely. 

Fast.   S'heart,   what  a    damn'd    wittie    rogue's  this?  how  hee    g36 
955  confounds  with  his  simile's? 

Car.  Better  with  simile's  than  smiles:  and  whither  were  you 
riding  now  Signior? 

Fast.  Who  I?  what  a  silly  iest's  that?  whither  should   I   ride 
but  to  the  Court'3 
960      Car.  O  pardon  me  sir,   twenty  places  more:  your  hot-house, 

or  your 

Fast.  By  the  vertue  of  my  soule  this  knight  dwels  in  Elizium 
here. 

Carl.   Hee's   gone  now,  I  thought  he  would  flie  out  present- 
965  ly.    These   be   our  nimble-sprighted   Catso's  that    ha'their  euasi- 
ons  at  pleasure,  wil  run  ouer  a  bog  like  your  wild  Irish;  no  soo 
ner  started,  but  they'le  leape  from  one  thing  to  another  like  a 
squirrell,  heigh;  Daunce,  and  doe  trickes  i'  their  discourse,  from 
Fire  to  Water,  from  Water  to  Ayre,  from  Ayre  to  Earth,  as  if 
970  their  tongues  did  but  eu'n  licke  the  foure   Elements  ouer,  and 
awaie. 

D    iii  Fast.  Sirra 


[3o]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fast.  Sirah    Carlo,  thou  neuer  saw'st  my  grey   Hobbie  yet,    g5i 
didst  thou? 

Carl.  No  ha'  you  such  a  one? 

975      Fast.  The  best  in  Europe  (my  good  villaine)  thou'lt  say,  when 
thou  seest  him. 

Car.  But  when  shall  I  see  him? 

Fast.  There  was  a  Noble    man  i'the  Court  offered  mee   loo 
pound  for  him  by  this  light:  a  fine  little  fierie  slaue,  he  runnes 
980  like  a  (O)  excellent,  excellent,  with  the  very  sound  of  the  spurre. 
Carl.  How?  the  sound  of  the  spurre? 

Fast.  O,  it's  your  only  humor  now  extant  sir:  a  good  gingle, 
a  good  gingle. 

Carl.   Sbloud  you  shall  see  him  turne  morrisdancer,   he   ha's 
g85  got  him  bels,  a  good  sute,  and  a  Hobby-horse. 

Sog.  Signior,  now  you  talke  of  a  Hobby-horse,  I  know  where 
one  is,  will  not  be  giuen  for  a  brace  of  angels. 
Fast.  How  is  that  Sir? 

Sog.  Mary  sir  I  am  telling  this  gentleman  of  a  Hobby-horse, 
990  it  was  my  fathers  indeed,  and  (though  I  say  it 

Car.  That  should  not  say  it)  on,  on.  970 

Sog.  He  did  daunce  in  it  with  as  good  humour  and  as  good 
gard  as  any  man  of  his  degree  whatsoeuer,  beeing  no  Gentle 
man:  I  haue  daunc't  in  it  my  selfe  too. 

995      Car.   Not  since  the   Humour  of  gentilitie  was  vpon  you?  did 
you? 

Sog.  Yes  once;  marry,  that  was  but  to  shew  what  a  gentle 
man  might  doe  in  a  Humor. 

Car.  O  very  good, 
looo  GREX. 

Mit.        Why  this    fellowes    discourse  were    nothing    but    for 

the  word  Humor. 
Cord.       O   beare  with  him,   and  he  should  lacke  matter  and 

\      words  too,  'twere  pittifull. 

loo5      Sog.    Nay    looke    you    Sir,   there's    ne're   a    Gentleman    i'the 
countrey  has  the  like  humors  for  the  Hobby-horse  as  I  haue?  I 
haue  the  Methode  for  the  threeding  of  the  needle,  the — 
Carl.  How  the  Methode. 

I, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [3i] 


Sog.   I,   the   Leigeritie,   for  that,   and    the    wigh-hie,   and    the 

1010  daggers  in  the  Nose,  and  the  trauels  of  the  Egge  from  finger  to 

finger,  all  the  Humors  incident  to  the  qualitie.  The  horse  hangs 

at  home  in  my  parlor,  He  keepe  it  for  a  monument,  as  long  as 

I  Hue  sure. 

Carl.  Do  so;  and   when  you   die,  'twill  be  an  excellent  Tro- 
ioi5  phee  to  hang  ouer  your  Tombe. 

Sog.  Masse,  and  He  haue  a  Tombe  (nowe  I  thinke  on't)  'tis 
but  so  much  charges. 

Carl.  Best  builde  it  in  your  life  time  then,  your  Heyres  maie 
hap  to  forget  it  else. 
1020      Sog.  Nay  I  meane  so,  He  not  trust  to  them. 

Carl.  Noe,  for  heires  and  executors  are  growne  damnablie 
carelesse,  speciallie  since  the  ghostes  of  Testators  left  walking: 
how  like  you  him  Signior? 

Fast.  'Fore  heauens  his  humor  arrides  me  exceedinglie. 
IO25      Car.  Arrides  you? 

Fast.  I,  pleases  me  (a  pox  on't)  I  am  so  haunted  at  the  Court  ioo3 
&  at  my  lodging  with  your  refin'd  choise  spirites,  that  it  makes 
me  cleane  of  another  Garbe,  another  straine,  I  know  not  how; 
I  cannot  frame  me  to  your  harsh  vulgar  phrase,  tis  agaynst  my 
io3o  Genius. 

Sog.  Signior  Carla. 

GREX. 

Cord,   f  This  is  right  to  that  of  Horace,  Dum  vitant  stulti  vi- 

\  tia  in  contraria  currunt:  so  this  gallant  labouring  to  a- 

IO35  j  uoid  Popularity,  fals  into  a  habit  of  Affectation  tenne 

\  thousand  times  more  hatefull  than  the  former. 

Car.  Who  he?  a  gull?  a  foole?  no  salt  in  him  i'the  earth  man: 

hee  lookes  like  a  fresh  Salmon  kept  in  a  tubbe;  hee'le  bee  spent 

shortlie,  his  braine's  lighter  than   his  feather  alreadie,   and  his 

1040  tongue  more  subiect  to  lie,  than  that's  to  wag:  he  sleepes  with 

a  muske  cat  euery  night,  and  walkes  all  day  hang'd  in  Poman 

der  chaines  for  pennance:  hee  ha's  his  skinne  tan'd  in  ciuet,  to 

make  his   complexion  strong,   and  the  sweetnesse  of  his  youth 

lasting  in  the  sence  of  his  sweet  Ladie,  A  good  empty  Puffe,  hee 

1046  loues  you  well  Signior. 

Sog.  There 


[32]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Sog.  There  shall  be  no  loue  lost  Sir,  Tie  assure  you.  1019 

Fast.   Nay  Carl,  I  am  not  happie  i'  thy  loue  I  see,  pr'y  thee 
suffer  inee  to  enioie  thy  companie  a  little  (sweete  mischiefe)  by 
this  ayre,  I  shall  enuie  this  Gentlemans  place  in  thy  affections, 
lo5o  if  you  be  thus  priuate  I  faith:  how  now?  is  the  Knight  arriu'd? 

Enter  Cinedo. 

Cine.  No  Sir,  but  tis  gest  he  will  arriue  presently,  by  his  fore 
runners. 

Fast.   His  hounds!   by  Minerua  an  excellent  Figure;   a  good 
io55  boy. 

Carl.  You  should  giue  him  a  French  crowne  for  it:  the  boie 
would  find  two  better  Figures  i'that,  and  a  good  Figure  of  your 
bounty  beside. 

Fast.  Tut  the  boy  wantes  no  crownes. 

1060      Carl.   No   crowne:  speake  i'  the  singular  number,  and  wee'le 
beleeue  you. 

Fast.   Nay,  thou  art  so  capriciouslie   conceyted  nowe:  Sirra 
(Datiation)  I  haue  heard  this  Knight  Puntaruolo,  reported  to  be 
a    gentleman    of   exceeding    good    humour:    thou    know'st    him; 
io65  pr'y  thee,  how  is  his  disposition?  I  ne're  was  so  fauour'de  of  my 
starres  as  to  see  him  yet.  Boy,  do  you  looke  to  the  Hobbie? 
Cin.  I  Sir,  the  groome  has  set  him  vp.  io38 

Fast.  Tis  well:  I  ridde  out  of  my  waie  of  intent  to  visit  him, 
and  take  knowledge  of  his:  Nay  good  Wickednesse,  his  humour, 
1070  his  humour. 

Carl.  Why  he  loues  Dogges,  and  Haukes,  and  his  wife  well: 
he  has  a  good  riding  face,  and  hee  can  sit  a  great  Horse;  hee  will 
taint  a  staffe  well  at  tilt:  when  hee  is  mounted,  hee  lookes  like 
the  signe  of  the  George,  that's  all  I  knowe;  saue  that  in  steede  of 
1075  a  Dragon  he  will  brandish  against  a  tree,  and  breake  his  sword 
as  confidentlie  vppon  the  knottie  barke,  as  the  other  did  vppon 
the  skales  of  the  beast. 

Fast.  O,  but  this  is  nothing  to  that  is  deliuered  of  him;  they 
saie  he  has  dialogues,  and  discourses  betweene  his  Horse,  him- 
1080  selfe,  and  his  Dogge;  and  that  hee  will  court  his  owne  Ladie,  as 
she  were  a  stranger  neuer  encounter'd  before, 
Car.  I,  that  hee  will,  and  make  fresh  loue  to  her  euerie  mor 
ning: 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [33] 

ning:  this  gentleman  has  been  a  Spectator  of  it,  Signior  Insulso. 

Sog.  I  am  resolute  to  keepe  a  Page:  say  you  sir?  io53 

lo85      Carl.  You  haue  scene  Signior  Puntaruolo  accost  his  Lady? 
Sog.  O,  I  Sir. 

Fast.  And  how  is  the  maner  of  it  pr'y  thee  good  Signior? 
Sog.  Faith  sir  in  very  good  sort;  hee  has  his  humours  for  it  sir: 
as  first,  (suppose  he  were  now  to  come  from  riding,  or  hunting, 
1090  or  so)  he  has  his  trumpet  to  sound,  and  then  the  waiting  Gentle 
woman,  shee  lookes  out;  and  then  hee  speakes,  and  then  shee 
speakes:  very  pretty  I  faith  gentlemen. 
Fast.  Why,  but  do  you  remember  no  particulars,  Signior? 
Sog.  O,  yes  sir:  first,  the  gentlewoman  she  lookes  out  at  the 
iog5  window. 

Carl.   After  the  trumpet   has   summon'd   a  parle?  not  before? 
Sog.  No  sir,  not  before:  and  then  saies  he;  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
Carl.  What  saies  he?  be  not  rapt  so. 
Sog.  Saies  he;  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
i loo      Fast.  Nay  speake,  speake. 

Sog.  Ha,  ha,  ha,  saies  he:  God  saue  you,  ha,  ha,  &c.  lojo 

Carl.  Was  this  the  ridiculous  motiue  to  all  this  passion? 
Sog.  Nay  that,  that  comes  after  is:  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
Car  Doubtlesse    hee    apprehends  more  than  hee  vtters,   this 
Iio5  fellow:  or  else. 

Sog.  List,  list,  they  are  come  from  hunting:          A  crie  of  hounds 
stand  by,  close  vnder  this  Tarras,  &  you  shal  within. 

see  it  done  better  than  I  can  shew  it. 

Car.  So  it  had  need,  'twill  scarse  poize  the  obseruation  else. 
I  no      Sog.  Faith  I  remember  all,  but  the  manner  of  it  is  quite  out 
of  my  head. 

Fast.  O  withdraw,  withdrawe,  it  cannot  bee  but  a  most  plea 
sing  obiect. 

Enter  Puntaruolo,  a  Huntsman  with  a  Graihound.  Act.II.Sc.2. 

in5      Pun.   Forrester,   giue  wind  to    thy    Home.    Inough;    by    this 
the  sound  hath  toucht  the  eares  of  the  enclosed:  Depart,  leaue 
the   Dogge,   and    take  with  thee  what  thou  hast  deseru'd;   the 
Home,  and  thanks. 
Carl.  I  mary,  there's  some  tast  in  this. 

E  Fast.  Is't 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[34]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

1120      Fast.  Is't  not  good? 

Sog.  Ah  peace,  now  aboue,  now  aboue. 

The  waiting  gentlewoman  appear es  at  the  window. 

Punt.    Stay:    mine    eye    hath    (on    the    instant)    through    the  iogi 
bountie    of   the    windowe,   receiu'd   the    forme    of  a   Nymph.    I 
1 125  will  step  forward  three  paces:  of  the  which,  I  will  barely  retire 
one;  and  (after  some  little  flexure  of  the  knee)  with  an  erected 
grace  salute  her:  I,  2,  and  3.  Sweet  Lady,  God  saue  you. 
Gent.  No  forsooth:  I  am  but  the  waiting  Gentlewoman. 
Carl.  He  knew  that  before. 
n3o      Punt.  Pardon  me:  Humanum  est  err  are. 
Carl.  He  learn'd  that  of  a  Puritane. 

Punt.  To  the  perfection  of  Complement  (which  is  the  dyall 
of  the  thought,  and  guided  by  the  Sunne  of  your  beauties)  are 
requir'd  these  three  Protects:  the  Gnomon,  the  Puntilio's,  and  the 
n35  Superficies:  the  Superficies,  is  that  we  call  Place;  the  Puntilio's, 
Circumstance;  and  the  Gnomon,  Ceremonie:  in  either  of  which, 
for  a  stranger  to  erre,  'tis  easie  and  facile;  and  such  am  I. 

Carl.  True,  not  knowing  her  Horizon,   he   must  needes   erre: 
which  I  feare,  he  knowes  too  well. 
1140      Punt.  What  call  you  the  Lord  of  the  Castle?  sweet  face. 

Gent.  The  Lord  of  the  Castle  is  a  knight  sir;  Signior  Puntar-  nog 
uolo. 

Punt.  Puntaruolo?  O. 
Car.  Now  must  he  ruminate. 
ii^S      Fast.  Does  the  wench  know  him  all  this  while  then? 

Carl.  O,  doe  you  know  me  man?  why  therein  lies  the  sirrup 
of  the  ieast;  it's  a  Proiect,  a  designment  of  his  owne,  a  thing  stu 
died,  and  rehearst  as  ordinarily  at  his  comming  from  hawking, 
or  hunting,  as  a  ligge  after  a  Play. 
u5o      Sog.  I,  e'en  like  your  ligge  sir. 

Punt.  'Tis  a  most  sumptuous  and  stately  edifice;  what  yeares 
is  the  Knight,  faire  Damsell? 

Gent.  Faith  much  about  your  yeares  sir. 
Punt:  What  complexion,  or  what  stature  beares  he? 
n55      Gent.  Of  your  stature,  and  very  neere  vpon  your  complexion. 
Punt.  Mine  is  Melancholly: 

Carl.  So 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Carl.  So  is  the  dogs,  iust.  1125 

Punt.  And  doth  argue  constancie,  chiefly  in  loue.   What   are 
his  endowments?  Is  he  courteous? 

1160      Gent.  O  the  most  courteous  Knight  vpon  Gods  earth  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  magnanimous? 
Gent.  As  the  skin  betweene  your  browes  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  bountifull? 

Carl.    Sbloud,   hee    takes    an    Inuentorie    of   his    owne    good 
n65  partes. 

Gent.  Bountifull?  I  sir  I  would  you  should  know  it;  the  poore 
are  seru'd  at  his  gate  early  and  late  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  learned? 

Gent.  O,  I  sir,  he  can  speake  the  French  and  Italian. 
1170      Punt.  Then  he  is  trauail'd? 

Gent.  I  forsooth,  he  hath  been  beyond-sea  once  or  twise. 
Carl.  As  far  as  Paris,  to  fetch  ouer  a  fashion  and  come  backe 
againe. 

Punt.  Is  he  religious?  1140 

1175      Gent.  Religious?  I  know  not  what  you  call  religious,  but  he 
goes  to  Church  I  am  sure. 

Fast.  S'lid  me  thinkes  these  answeres  should  offend  him. 
Carl.  Tut  no;  he  knowes  they  are  excellent,  and  to  her  capa 
city  that  speakes'hem. 
1180      Punt.  Would  I  might  see  his  face. 

Carl.  She  should  let  downe  a  glasse  from  the  window  at  that 
word,  and  request  him  to  looke  in't. 

Punt.  Doubtlesse,  the  gentleman  is  most  exact,  and  absolute 
ly  qualified?  doth  the  Castle  containe  him? 
n85      Gent.  No  Sir,  he  is  from  home,  but  his  Ladie  is  within. 

Punt.  His   Lady?  what  is  she  faire?  splendidious?  and   amia 
ble? 

Gent.  O  lesu  sir! 

Punt.  Pr'y  thee  deare  Nymph,  intreat  her  beauties   to  shine 
1190  on  this  side  of  the  building. 

Exit.  Gent,  from  the  window. 

Carl.   That  he  may  erect  a  new  dyall  of  complement,   with 
his    Gnomons,   and    his    Puntilio's. 

E  ii  Fast.  Nay, 


[36]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fast.  Nay,  thou  art  such  another   Cinique  nowe,  a  man  had 
I  ig5  need  walke  vprightly  before  thee. 

Carl.    Heart,    can    any    man    walke    more    vpright    than    hee  1160 
does?  Looke,  looke;  as  if  hee  went  in  a  frame,  or  had  a  sute 
of  wanescot  on:  and  the  dogge  watching  him  least  hee  should 
leape  out  on't. 
1 200      Fast.  O  villaine! 

Car.   Well,  and  e'er  I  meete  him  in  the    cittie,  He  ha'  him 
ioynted,  He  pawne  him  in  East-cheape  among  butchers  else. 
Fast.  Peace,  who  be  these,  Carlo! 

Enter  Sordido,  with  his  sonne  Fungoso.  Act.II.Sc.3. 

I2o5      Sord.  Yonders  your  godfather;  doe  your  dutie  to  him  sonne. 
Sog.  This  sir?  a  poore  elder  brother  of  mine  sir,  a  yeoman, 
may  dispend  some  seuen  or  eight  hundred  a  yeare:  that's  his  son, 
my  nephew  there. 

Punt.  You  are  not  il-come  neighbour  Sordido,  though  I  haue 
1210  not  yet  said  welcome:  what,   my  god-sonne   is  growne  a  great 
Proficient  by  this? 

Sord.  I  hope  he  will  grow  great  one  day,  sir. 
Fast.  What  does  he  study?  the  law? 

Sog.  I  sir,  hee  is  a  gentleman,  though  his  father  be  but  a  yeo- 
I2i5  man. 

Car.  What  call  you  your  nephew,  Signior? 
Sog.  Mary  his  name  is  Fungoso. 

Car.   Fungoso!  O,  hee  lookt  somewhat  like  a  spunge   in  that 
pinckt  doublet  me  thought:  well,  make  much  of  him;  I  see  he 
1220  was  neuer  borne  to  ride  vpon  a  moile. 

Gen.  My  Lady  will  come  presently  sir.  Enter  Gent,  aboue 

Sog.  O  now,  now.  n85 

Punt.  Stand  by,  retire  your  selues  a  space:  nay,  pray  you,  forget 
not  the  vse  of  your  hat;  the  aire  is  piercing. 
1225          Sordido  and  Fungoso  withdraw  at  the  other  part  of  the  stage, 

meane  time  the  Ladie  is  come  to  the  window. 

Fast.  What?  will  not  their  presence  preuaile  against  the  cur 
rent  of  his  humor? 

Carl.  O  no:  it's  a  meere  floud,  a  Torrent,  carries  all  afore  it. 
I23o      Punt.  What  more  than  heauenly  pulchritude  is  this? 

What 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [3y] 

What  Magazine,  or  treasurie  of  blisse? 
Dazle,  you  organs  to  my  optique  sence, 
To  view  a  creature  of  such  eminence: 
O,  I  am  planet- sir  ooke,  and  in  yond  Sphere, 
1235  A  brighter  starre  than  Venus  doth  appeare. 

Fast.  How?  in  verse?  iigj 

Carl.  An  Extasie,  an  Extasie,  man. 
Lady  Is  your  desire  to  speake  with  me,  sir  Knight? 
Carl.  He  will  tell  you  that  anon  ;  neither  his  Braine,  nor  his 
1240  Bodie,  are  yet  moulded  for  an  answere. 

Punt.   Most  debonaire,  and   Luculent  Ladie,  I  decline  me  as 
low  as  the  Basis  of  your  Altitude. 

GREX. 

Cord,  f  Hee  makes   congies  to   his  wife    in   Geometricall  pro- 
1245  \      portions. 

Mit.    I  Is't  possible   there  should  be  any   such  Humorist? 
Cor.    \  Very  easily  possible,   Sir,  you  see  there  is. 
Punt.   I  haue  scarse  collected  my  spirites,  but  lately  scatter'd 
in  the  admiration  of  your  Forme;  to   which   (if  the  bounties   of 
I25o  your  mind  be  any  way  responsible)   I  doubt  not  but  my  desires 
shall  find  a  smooth  and  secure  passage.   I  am  a  poore  Knight- 
errant   (Ladie)  that  hunting    in    the    adiacent    Forrest,   was    by 
aduenture    in    the    pursuit  of  a    Hart,   brought    to    this    place; 
which  Hart  (deare  Madame)  escaped  by  enchantment:  the  eue- 
1255  ning  approching  (my  selfe  and  seruant  wearied)  my  suit  is,  to  en 
ter  your  faire  Castle,  and  refresh  me. 

Lady  Sir  Knight,  albeit  it  be  not  vsuall  with  me  (chiefely  in  1216 
the  absence  of  a  husband,)  to  admit  any  entrance  to  strangers, 
yet  in  the  true  regard  of  those  innated  vertues,  and  faire  partes 
1260  which  so  striue  to  expresse  themselues  in  you;  I  am  resolu'd  to 
entertaine  you  to  the  best  of  my  vnworthy  power;  which  I 
acknowledge  to  be  nothing,  valew'd  with  what  so  worthy 
a  person  may  deserue.  Please  you  but  stay,  while  I  descend. 

She  departs:  and  Puntaruolo  fals  in  with  Sordido, 
1265  and  his  sonne. 

Punt.  Most  admir'd  Lady,  you  astonish  me. 
Car.   What?  with  speaking  a  speech  of  your  owne  penning? 

E  iii  Fast.  Nay 


[38]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fast.  Nay  looke,  pr'y  thee  peace. 

Carl.  Pox  on't:  I  am  impatient  of  such  fopperie.  1226 

1270      Fast.  O  lets  heare  the  rest. 

Carl.  What?  a  tedious   Chapter  of  Courtship,  after  sir  Lance 
lot^   and   Queene    Gueuenerl  awaie:   I   mar'le    in  what  dull   cold 
nooke  hee  found  this  Ladie  out?  that  (being  a  woman)  shee  was 
blest  with  no  more  copie  of  wit,  but  to  serue  his  Humour  thus. 
1275  Sblood,  I  thinke  he  feeds  her  with  Porridge,  I:  shee  could  ne're 
haue  such  a  thicke  braine  else. 
Sog.  Why  is  Porridge  so  hurtfull,  Signior? 

Carl.  O,  nothing  vnder  Heauen  more  preiudiciall  to  those 
ascending  subtile  powers,  or  doth  sooner  abate  that  which  wee 
1280  cal,  Acumen  Ingenij,  than  your  grosse  fare:  why  He  make  you  an 
Instance:  your  Cittie  wiues,  but  obserue  'hem,  you  ha'  not 
more  perfect  true  fooles  i'rhe  worlde  bred  than  they  are  gene 
rally;  and  yet  you  see  (by  the  finenes  and  delicacie  of  theyr  Di 
et,  diuing  into  the  fatte  Capons,  drinking  your  rich  wines,  fee- 
1285  ding  on  Larkes,  Sparrowes,  Potato  pyes,  and  such  good  vnctu- 
ous  meats)  how  their  wits  are  refin'd  and  rarefi'd:  and  somtimes 
a  very  Quintessence  of  conceit  flows  from  'hem,  able  to  drown 
a  weake  Apprehension, 

Fast.  Peace,  here  comes  the  Ladie.  1242 

1290    Enter  Lady  with  her  Gent,  and  seeing  them,   turns  in  againe. 
Lady.  Gods  me,  here's  company:  turne  in  againe. 
Fast.  S'light,  our  presence  has  cut  off  the  conuoy  of  the  iest. 
Car.  All  the  better;  I  am  glad  on't:  for  the  issue  was  verie 
perspicuous.  Come,  let's  discouer,  and  salute  the  Knight. 

I2y5  Carlo  and  the  other  two,  step  forth  to  Punt. 

Punt.  Stay:  who  be  these  that  addresse  themselues  towardes 
vs?  what  Carlo?  now  by  the  sinceritie  of  my  soule,  welcome; 
welcome  gentlemen:  and  how  dost  thou,  thou  Grand  Scourge, 
or  Second  Vntrusse  of  the  time? 

i3oo  Carl.  Faith  spending  my  mettall  in  this  Reeling  world  (here 
and  there)  as  the  swaie  of  my  Affection  carries  mee,  and  per 
haps  stumble  vpon  a  yeoman  Pheuterer,  as  I  doe  now;  or  one 
of  Fortunes  Moyles  laden  with  treasure,  and  an  empty  Cloke- 

bagge 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [3gl 

bagge  following  him,  gaping  when  a  bagge  will  vntie. 

i3o5      Punt.    Peace   you    bandogge    peace:    what    briske    Nimfadoro  1256 
is  that  in  the  white  virgin  boot  there? 

Carl.  Mary  sir,  one,  that  I  must  entreat  you  take  a  very  parti 
cular  knowledge  of,  and  with  more  than  ordinary  respect:  Mon 
sieur  Fastidius. 

i3io  Punt.  Sir,  I  could  wish  that  for  the  time  of  your  vouchsaft  a- 
biding  here,  and  more  Reall  entertainement,  this  my  house 
stood  on  the  Muses  hill;  and  these  my  Orchards  were  those  of 
the  Hesperide's. 

Fast.  I  possesse  as  much  in  your  wish  sir,  as  if  I  were  made  Lord 
i3i5  of  the  Indies;  and  I  pray  you  beleeue  it. 

Carl.   I  haue  a  better  opinion  of  his  Faith,  than  to  thinke  it 
will  be  so  corrupted. 

Sog.    Come    brother,    I'le    bring    you    acqainted    with    Gentle 
men,  &  good  fellows,  such  as  shall  do  you  more  grace,  than — 
i32o       Sord.  Brother,  I  hunger  not  for  such  acquaintance: 

Do  you  take  heed,  least: —  Carlo  is  camming  toward  them. 

Sog.    Husht:  my  Brother  sir,  for  want  of  education  sir,  some-  12J2 
what  nodding  to  the  Boore,  the  Clowne;   but  I  request  you  in 
priuat  sir. 
i325      Fung.  By  lesu,  it's  a  very  fine  sute  of  cloathes. 

GREX. 

Cor.   i    Doe  you  obserue  that,  Signior?  there's  another  humor 

\       has  new  crackt  the  shell. 

Mit.   \   What?  he  is  enamour'd  of  the  Fashion,  is  he? 
i33o      Cor.  \   O  you  forestall  the  iest. 

Fun.  I  mar'le  what  it  might  stand  him  in? 
Sog.  Nephew? 

Fun.  'Fore  God  it's  an  excellent  sute,  and  as  neatly  becomes 
him.  What  said  you  Vncle? 
i335      Sog.  When  saw  you  my  Neece? 

Fun.  Mary  yesternight  I  supt  there.  That  kind  of  Boot  does 
very  rare  too. 

Sog.  And  what  newes  heare  you? 

Fun.  The  guilt  Spurre  and  all:  would  I  were  hang'd,  but  'tis 

exceeding 


[40]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

1340  exceeding  good.  Say  you? 

Sog.  Your  mind  is  carried  away  with  somewhat  else:  I  aske  1290 
what  newes  you  heare? 

Fung.   Troth  wee  heare  none:  in  good  faith   I  was  neuer  so 

pleas'd  with  a  fashion   daies  of  my  life;  O  (and   I   might  haue 

1346  but  my  wish)  I'ld  aske  no  more  of  God  nowe,  but  such  a  Suit, 

such  a  Hat,  such  a  Band,  such  a  Doublet,  such  a  Hose,  such  a 

Boot,  and  such  a — 

Sog.  They  say  there's  a  new  Motion  of  the  cittie  of  Nineueh, 
with  lonas  and  the  Whale,  to  be  scene  at  Fleet-bridge?  you  can 
i35o  tell  Cosin? 

Fung.  Here's  such  a  world  of  question  with  him  now:  Yes,  I 
thinke  there  be  such  a  thing,  I  saw  the  picture:  would  he  would 
once  be  satisfied.  Let  me  see,  the  Doublet,  say  fifty  shillings  the 
Doublet,  &  betweene  three  or  four  pound  the  Hose;  then  Boots, 
1355  the  Hat,  and  Band:  some  ten  or  eleuen  pound  would  doe  it  all, 
and  suit  me  for  the  heauens. 

Sog.  Tie  see  all  those  deuises,  and  I  come  to  London  once. 
Fung.  God  S'lid,  and  I  could  compasse  it,  'twere  rare:  harke 
you  Vncle. 
i36o      Sog.  What  saies  my  Nephew?  i3o5 

Fung.  Faith  Vncle,  I'ld  ha'  desir'd  you  to  haue  made  a  moti 
on  for  me  to  my  father  in  a  thing,  that;  walke  aside  and  Fie  tell 
you  sir,  no  more  but  this:  there's  a  parcell  of  Lawbooks  (some 
twenty  pounds  worth)  that  lie  in  a  place  for  little  more  than  halfe 
i365  the  money  they  cost;  and  I  thinke  for  some  twelue  pound  or 
twenty  marke,  I  could  go  neere  to  redeeme  'hem:  there's  Plow- 
den,  Diar,  Brooke,  and  Fitz  Herbert;  diuers  such  as  I  must  haue 
ere  long:  and  you  know  I  were  as  good  saue  fiue  or  six  pound 
as  not,  Vncle:  I  pray  you  moue  it  for  me. 

1370      Sog.  That  I   wil:  when  would  you  haue  me  do  it?  presently? 
Fung.  O  I,  I  pray  you  good  Vncle:  God  send  me  good  lucke; 
Lord  (and't  be  thy  will)  prosper  it:  O  lesu;  now,  now,  if  it  take 
(O  Christ)  I  am  made  for  euer. 

Fast.  Shall  I  tell  you  sir:  by  this  aire  I  am  the  most  behol- 
i375  ding  to  that  Lord,  of  any  Gentleman  liuing;  hee  does  vse  mee 
the   most  honourably,   and  with  the  greatest  respect,  more  in 
deed, 


QUARTO]  Etiery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [41] 

deed,  than  can  be  vtter'd  with  any  opinion  of  truth. 
Punt.  Then  haue  you,  the  Count  Gratiatol  i322 

Fast.  As  true  noble   a  gentleman  too  as  any  breathes;    I  am 
i38o  exceedinglie   endear'd   to  his   loue:   by  lesu,    (I   protest   to   you 
Signior,   I  speake  it  not  gloriouslie,  nor  out  of  affectation,  but) 
there's  he,  and  the  Count  Frugale,  Signior  Illustre,  Signior  Lu- 
culento,  and  a  sort  of'hem;  that  (when  I  am  at  the  Court)  they 
doe  share   me   amongst  'hem.   Happy  is  he  can  enioy  me  most 
i385  priuat;   I   doe  wish  my  selfe  sometime  an   Vbiquitarie  for  theyr 
loue,  in  good  faith. 

Carl.  There's  ne're  a  one   of  these  but  might  lie  a  weeke  on 

the  racke,  ere  they  coulde  bring  foorth  his  name;  and  yet  hee 

poures  them  out  as   familiarlie  as  if  hee  had  seene  'hem  stande 

i3go  by  the  fire  i'the  presence,  or  ta'ne  Tabacco  with  them  ouer  the 

stage  i'the  Lords  roome. 

Punt.   Then  you  must  of  necessitie    knowe    our    Court-starre 
there?  that  planet  of  wit,  Maddona  Sauiolinal 

Fast.  O  Lord  sir!  my  mistresse.  i336 

i3g5      Punt.  Is  she  your  mistresse? 

Fast.  Faith,  here  be  some  slight  fauours  of  hers  sir,  that  doe 

speake  it,  Shee  is;  as  this  Scarfe  sir,  or  this  Ribband  in  mine  eare, 

or  so;  this  Feather  grew  in  her  sweete  Fanne  sometimes,  though 

nowe  it  bee  my  poore  fortune  to  weare  it  as  you  see  sir;  slight, 

1400  slight,  a  foolish  toy. 

Punt.  Well,  shee   is  the   Ladie  of  a  most  exalted,  and  inge- 
nous  spirit. 

Fast.    Did  you   euer   heare   anie  woman    speake  like    her?  or 
enricht  with  a  more  plentifull  discourse? 

1405      Carl.   O  villanous!  nothing  but  sound,  sound,  a  meere  Eccho, 
shee  speakes  as  she  goes  tir'd,  in  Cobweb  lawne,  light,  thinne: 
good  enough  to  catch  flies  withall. 
Punt.  O,  manage  your  affections. 
Fast.  Well,  if  thou  beest  not  plagu'd  for  this  blasphemie  one 

1410  daie: 

Punt.  Come,   regarde   not  a  iester;    it  is   in  the   power  of  my 
purse  to  make  him  speake  well  or  ill  of  mee. 

F  Fast.  Sir, 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fast.  Sir,  I  affirme  it  to  you  (vpon  my  Credit  and  Judgement)  i352 
she  has  the  most  Harmonious  and  Musicall  straine  of  Wit,  that 
I4l5  euer  tempted  a  true  eare;  and  yet  to   see,   a  rude  tongue   will 
profane  Heauen. 

Punt.  I  am  not  ignorant  of  it  sir. 

Fast.  Oh,  it  flowes  from  her  like  Nectar,  and  she  doth  giue  it, 

that  sweete,   quicke  grace,   and   exornation    in    the    composure, 

1420  that  (By  this  good  Heauen)  shee  does  obserue  as  pure  a  Phrase, 

and  vse  as  choise  Figures  in  her  ordinarie  conferences,  as  any  be 

i'the  Arcadia. 

Car.  O  rather  in  Greenes  works,  whence  she  may  steale  with 
more  security. 

1425      Sard  Well,  if  tenne  pound  will  fetch  'hem,  you  shall  haue  it, 
but  Tie  part  with  no  more. 
Fun.  Tie  trie  what  that  will  doe,  if  you  please. 
Sord.  Doe  so:  and  when  you  haue  'hem,  studie  hard. 
Fun.  Yes  sir:  and  I  could  studie  to   get  fortie  shillings  more 
1480  now:  well,  I  will  put  my  selfe  into  the  Fashion,  as  farre  as  this 
will  go  presently. 

Sord.  I  wonder  it  raines  not!  the  Almanacke  saies  we  should  1870 
haue  store  of  raine  to  daie. 

Punt.  Why  sir,  to  morrow  I  will  associate  you  to  the  Court 
1435  my  selfe;  and  from  thence  to  the  Cittie,  about  a  Busincsse,  a 
Proiect  I  haue:  I  will  expose  it  to  you  Sir:  Carlo  I  am  sure  has 
heard  of  it. 
Car.  What's  that  sir? 

Punt.  I  doe  entend  this  yeare  of  lubile  to  trauaile:  and  fbe- 
H.JO  cause  I  will  not  altogither  goe   vppon  expence)  I  am  determi 
ned  to  put  forth  some  flue  thousand  pound,  to  be  paid  me  fiue 
for  one,  vpon  the  returne  of  my  selfe,  my  Wife,  and  my  Dogge, 
from  the  Turkes  Court  in  Constantinople.  If  all,  or  either  of  vs 
miscarry  in  the  iourney,   'tis  gone:  if  wee  be  successefull,  why, 
1446  there  will  bee  XXV.  thousand  pound  to  entertaine  time  withall. 
Nay,  go  not  neighbour  Sordido;  stay  to  night,  and  helpe  to  make 
our    society    the   fuller.   Gentlemen,   frolicke:   Carlo?  what?  dull 
now? 

Car.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [43] 

Carl.  I  was  thinking  on  your  Proiect  sir,  and  you  call  it  so:  i385 
1460  is  this  the  Dog  goes  with  you? 
Punt.  This  is  the  Dogge  sir. 
Carl.  He  do'not  go  bare-foot,  does  he? 
Punt.  Away  you  traitor,  away. 

Carl.   Nay  afore  God,  I  speak  simply;  he  may  prick  his  foot 
1455  with  a  thorne,  and  bee  as  much  as  the  whole  venter  is  woorth. 
Besides,  for  a  Dog  that  neuer  trauail'd  before,  it's  a  huge  iour- 
ney  to   Constantinople:  He  tell  you  nowe   (and  hee  were  mine) 
I'ld  haue  some  present  conference  with  a  Physician,  what  An 
tidotes  were  good  to  giue  him,  and  Preseruatiues  against  poy- 
1460  son:  for  (assure  you)  if  once  your  money  bee  out,  there'll  bee  di- 
uers  attempts  made  against  the  life  of  the  poore  Animal. 
Punt.  Thou  art  still  dangerous. 
Fast.  Is  Signior  Deliros  wife  your  kinswoman? 
Sog.  I  sir,  she  is  my  Neece,  my  brothers  daughter  here,   and 
1465  my  Nephewes  sister. 

Sord.  Do  you  know  her  sir? 

Fast.  O  God  sir,  Signior  Diliro  her  husband  is  my  Merchant. 
Fung.  I,  I  haue  seene  this  Gentleman  there,  often. 
Fast.  I  crie  you  mercie  sir:  let  me  craue  your  name,  pray  you. 
1470      Fun.  Fungoso  sir. 

Fast.  Good  Signior  Fungoso,  I  shal  request  to  know  you  bet- 
Fun.  I  am  her  brother  sir.  (ter  sir. 

Fast.  In  faire  time  sir. 

Pun.  Come  Gentlemen,  I  will  be  your  conduct. 

1475      Fast.  Nay  pray  you  sir;  we  shal  meet  at  Signior  Deliro's  ofte. 

Sog.  You  shall  ha'me  at  the  Heralds  office  sir,  for  some  week 

or  so,  at  my  first  comming  vp.  Come  Carlo.  Exeunt. 

GREX. 

Mit.  Me  thinks  Cordatus,  he  dwelt  somwhat  too  long  on  this 
1480  Scene;  it  hun'g  i'the  hand. 

Cord.  I  see  not  where  he  could  haue  insisted  lesse,  and  t'haue 
made  the  Humors  perspicuous  enough. 

Mit.  True,  as  his  Subiect  lies:  but  he  might  haue  altered  the 
shape  of  Argument,  and   explicated'hem  better  in  single  Scenes. 

F  ii  Cor.  That 


[44]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

1485  Cord.  That  had  beene  Single  indeed:  why?  be  they  not  the  1421 
same  persons  in  this,  as  they  would  haue  beene  in  those?  and  is 
it  not  an  obiect  of  more  State,  to  behold  the  Scene  full,  and  re- 
lieu'd  with  variety  of  Speakers  to  the  ende,  than  to  see  a  vast 
emptie  stage,  and  the  Actors  come  in  (one  by  one)  as  if  they 
1490  were  dropt  down  with  a  feather  into  the  eie  of  the  Audience? 

Mil.  Nay,  you  are  better  traded  with  these  things  than  I,  and 
therefore  Tie  subscribe  to  your  Judgment;  mary  you  shal  giue 
me  leaue  to  make  obiections. 

Cord.  O  what  else?  it's  the  speciall  intent  of  the  Author  you 
1495  should  do  so:  for  thereby  others  (that  are  present)  may  as  well 
be  satisfied,  who  happily  would  obiect  the  same  you  doe. 
Mit.  So  sir,  but  when  appeares  Macilente  againe? 

Enter  Macilente,  Deliro,  Fido,  with  hearbs  and  perfumes. 
Cord.  Mary  he  staies  but  til  our  silence  giue  him  leaue:  here  1484 
i5oo  he  comes,  and  with  him   Signior  Deliro  a  Merchant,  at  whose 
house  hee  is  come  to   soiourne:   Make   your  owne   obseruation 
now;  only  transferre  your  thoughts  to  the  Cittie  with  the  Scene; 
where,  suppose  they  speake. 

SCENA    TERTIA.  Act.II.Sc.4 

i5o5      Deliro.  I'le  tell  you  by  and  by  sir. 

Welcome  (good  Macilente}  to  my  house, 

To  soiourne  euen  for  euer;  if  my  best 

In  cates,  and  euery  sort  of  good  intreaty 

May  moue  you  stay  with  me.  1445 

1 5 10         Deliro  tnrnes  to  his  boy,  and  fals  a  sir  owing  of  flowers. 
Mac.  I  thanke  you  sir: 

And  yet  the  muffled  Fates  (had  it  pteas'd  them,) 

Might  haue  suppli'd  me  from  their  owne  full  store 

Without  this  word  (/  thanke  you]  to  a  foole. 
i5i5  I  see  no  reason  why  that  Dog  (call'd  Chaunce] 

Should  fawne  vpon  this  fellow  more  than  me: 

I  am  a  man,  and  I  haue  Limmes,  Flesh,  Bloud, 

Bones,  Sinewes,  and  a  Soule  as  well  as  he: 

My 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [46] 


My  parts  are  euery  way  as  good  as  his, 
i5ao  If  I  said  better?  why  I  did  not  lie, 

Nath'lesse  his  wealth  (but  nodding  on  my  wants) 
Must  make  me  bow,  and  crie:  I  thanke  you  Sir. 
Deli.  Dispatch,  take  heed  your  mistresse  see  you  not. 
Fido.  I  warrant  you  sir.  Exit  Fido. 

l525      Deli.  Nay  gentle  friend  be  merry,  raise  your  lookes 
Out  of  your  bosome,  I  protest  (by  heauen) 
You  are  the  man  most  welcome  in  the  world. 
Mac.  I  thanke  you  Sir,  I  know  my  cue  I  thinke. 

Enter  Fido  with  two  Censors. 
l53o      Fido.  Where  will  you  haue'hem  burne  Sir?  146$ 

Deli.  Here  good  Fido: 
What?  she  did  not  see  thee? 
Fido.  No  Sir. 
Deli.  That's  well: 

i535  Strew,  strew,  good  Fido,  the  freshest  flowers,  so. 
Mac.  What  meanes  this  Signior  Deliro? 
Deli.  Cast  in  more  Frankincence,  yet  more,  well  said. 
O  Macilente,  I  haue  such  a  wife, 
So  passing  fairc,  so  passing  faire  vnkind, 
1540  And  of  such  worth  and  right  to  be  vnkind, 

(Since  no  man  can  be  worthy  of  her  kindnesse.) 

Mac.  What  can  there  not?  1472 

Deli.  No,  that  is  sure  as  death, 
No  man  aliue:  I  doe  not  say  is  not, 
1546  But  cannot  possibly  be  worth  her  kindnesse. 
Nay  that  is  certaine,  let  me  doe  her  Right: 
How  said  I?  doe  her  Right?  as  though  I  could, 
As  though  this  dull  grosse  tongue  of  mine  could  vtter 
The  rare,  the  true,  the  pure,  the  infinite  Rights 
l55o  That  sit  (as  high  as  I  can  looke)  within  her. 

Mac.  This  is  such  dotage  as  was  neuer  heard. 
Deli.  Well,  this  must  needs  be  granted. 
Mac.  Granted  quoth  you? 
Deli.  Nay  Macilente;  do  not  so  discredit 

F  iii.  The 


[46]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

l555  The  goodnes  of  your  Judgement  to  denie  it, 

For  I  doe  speake  the  very  least  of  her. 

And  I  would  craue  and  beg  no  more  of  heauen 

For  all  my  fortunes  here,  but  to  be  able 

To  vtter  first  in  fit  tearmes,  what  she  is, 
l56o  And  then  the  true  ioies  I  conceaue  in  her 

Mad.  Is't  possible  she  should  deserue  so  wel  1489 

As  you  pretend? 
Deli.  I,  and  she  knowes  so  well 

Her  owne  deserts  that  (when  I  striue  t'enioy  them) 
i565  She  waies  the  things  I  doe,  with  what  she  merits: 

And  (seeing  my  worth  outwai'd  so  in  her  graces) 

She  is  so  solemne,  so  precise,  so  froward, 

That  no  obseruance  I  can  doe  to  her, 

Can  make  her  kind  to  me:  if  she  find  fault, 
l57o  I  mend  that  fault,  and  then  she  saies  I  faulted 

That  I  did  mend  it.  Now  good  Friend  aduise  me 

How  I  may  temper  this  strange  Splene  in  her. 
Mac.  You  are  too  amorous,  too  obsequious,  i5oo 

And  make  her,  too  assur'd  she  may  command  you. 
l575  When  women  doubt  most  of  their  husbands  loues, 

They  are  most  louing.  Husbands  must  take  heed 

They  giue  no  gluts  of  kindnesse  to  their  wiues, 

But  vse  them  like  their  Horses,  whom  they  feed 

Not  with  a  manger-full  of  meat  together, 
i58o  But  halfe  a  pecke  at  once,  and  keepe  them  so 

Still  with  an  appetite  to  that  they  giue  them. 

He  that  desires  to  haue  a  louing  wife, 

Must  bridle  all  the  shew  of  that  desire: 

Be  kind,  not  amorous,  nor  bewraying  kindnesse, 
i585  As  if  loue  wrought  it,  but  considerate  Duety: 

„  Offer  no  loue-rites,  but  let  wiues  still  seeke  them, 

,,  For  when  they  come  vnsought,  they  seldome  like  them. 
Deli.  Beleeue  me  Macilente,  this  is  Gospell. 

O  that  a  man  were  his  owne  man  so  much, 
l5op  To  rule  himselfe  thus;  I  will  striue  yfaith 

To 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [47] 

To  be  more  strange  and  carelesse:  yet  I  hope  i5i8 

I  haue  now  taken  such  a  perfect  course, 

To  make  her  kind  to  me,  and  Hue  contented, 

That  I  shall  find  my  kindnesse  well  return'd, 
:5g5  And  haue  no  need  to  fight  with  my  affections. 

She  (late)  hath  found  much  fault  with  euery  roome 

Within  my  house;  One  was  too  big  (she  said) 

Another  was  not  furnisht  to  her  mind, 

And  so  through  all:  All  which  I  haue  alter'd. 
1600  Then  here  she  hath  a  place  (on  my  backside) 

Wherein  she  loues  to  walke,  and  that  (she  said) 

Had  some  ill  smels  about  it.  Now  this  walke 

Haue  I  (before  she  knowes  it)  thus  perfum'd 

With  herbes  and  flowers,  and  laid  in  diuers  places 
i6o5  (As'twere  on  Altars  consecrate  to  her) 

Perfumed  Gloues,  and  delicate  chaines  of  Amber, 

To  keepe  the  aire  in  awe  of  her  sweet  nosthris: 

This  haue  I  done,  and  this  I  thinke  will  please  her. 

Behold  she  comes. 

1610  Enter  Fallace. 

Fall.  Here's  a  sweet  stinke  indeed: 

What,  shall  I  euer  be  thus  crost  and  plagu'd?  i53? 

And  sicke  of  Husband?  O  my  head  doth  ake 
As  it  would  cleaue  asunder  with  these  sauors, 
i6i5  All  my  Room's  alter'd,  and  but  one  poore  Walke 
That  I  delighted  in,  and  that  is  made 
So  fulsome  with  perfumes,  that  I  am  fear'd 
(My  braine  doth  sweat  so)  I  haue  caught  the  Plague. 
Del.  Why  (gentle  wife)  is  now  thy  walke  too  sweet? 
1620  Thou  said'st  of  late  it  had  sower  aires  about  it, 
And  found'st  much  fault,  that  I  did  not  correct  it. 
Fall.  Why,  and  I  did  find  fault  Sir? 
Deli.  Nay  deare  wife; 

I  know  thou  hast  said  thou  hast  lou'd  perfumes, 
i625  No  woman  better. 

Fall.  I 


[48]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fall.  I,  long  since  perhaps, 

But  now  that  Sence  is  alterd:  you  would  haue  me  i55o 

(Like  to  a  puddle  or  a  standing  poole) 
To  haue  no  motion,  nor  no  spirit  within  me. 
i63o  No,  I  am  like  a  pure  and  sprightly  Riuer, 
That  moues  for  euer,  and  yet  still  the  same; 
Or  fire  that  burnes  much  wood,  yet  still  one  flame. 

Deli.  But  yesterday,  I  saw  thee  at  our  garden 
Smelling  on  Roses  and  on  purple  flowers, 
i635  And  since  I  hope  the  Humor  of  thy  Sence 
Is  nothing  chang'd. 

Fall.  Why  those  were  growing  flowers, 
And  these  within  my  walke  are  cut  and  strew'd. 

Deli.  But  yet  they  haue  one  sent. 
1640      Fall.  I,  haue  they  so? 

In  your  grosse  Judgement:  if  you  make  no  difference 
Betwixt  the  sent  of  growing  flowers  and  cut  ones, 
You  haue  a  sence  to  tast  Lampe-oyle,  yfaith. 

And  with  such  iudgement  haue  you  chang'd  the  chambers,  i565 

1645  Leauing  no  roome  that  I  can  ioy  to  be  in 

In  all  your  house:  and  now  my  Walke  and  all 
You  smoke  me  from,  as  if  I  were  a  Foxe, 
And  long  belike  to  driue  me  quite  away: 
Well  walke  you  there,  and  I'le  walke  where  I  list. 
i65o      Deli.  What  shall  I  doe?  oh  I  shall  neuer  please  her. 

Mac.  Out  on  thee  dotard,  what  starre  rul'd  his  birth? 
That  brought  him  such  a  Starre?  blind  Fortune  still 
Bestowes  her  gifts  on  such  as  cannot  vse  them: 
How  long  shall  I  Hue,  ere  I  be  so  happy, 
i655  To  haue  a  wife  of  this  exceeding  Forme? 

Deli.  Away  with'hem,  would  I  had  broke  a  ioint, 
When  I  deuis'd  this  that  should  so  dislike  her, 
Away,  beare  all  away.  Fido  beares  all  away. 

Fall.  I  doe:  for  feare 

1660  Ought  that  is  there  should  like  her.  O  this  man 
How  cunningly  he  can  conceale  himselfe, 

As 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [49! 

As  though  he  lou'd?  lou'd?  nay  honour'd  and  ador'd?  1882 

Deli.  Why,  my  sweet  heart? 
Fall.  Sweet  heart?  oh,  better  still: 

i665  And  asking  why?  wherefore?  and  looking  strangely, 
As  if  he  were  as  white  as  innocence. 
Alas,  you're  simple,  you:  you  cannot  change, 
Looke  pale  at  pleasure,  and  then  red  with  Wonder: 
No,  no,  not  you:  I  did  but  cast  an  amorous  eie  e'en  now 
1670  Vpon  a  paire  of  Gloues  that  somewhat  likt  me, 
And  straight  he  noted  it,  and  gaue  commaund 
All  should  be  ta'ne  away. 

Deli.  Be  they  my  bane  then: 

What  sirah,  Fido,  bring  in  those  Gloues  againe  Enter  Fido. 

1675  You  tooke  from  hence. 

Fall.  S'body  sirra,  but  do  not: 
Bring  in  no  Gloues  to  spite  me:  If  you  doe — 
Deli.  Ay  me,  most  wretched;  how  am  I  misconstru'd? 
Mac.  O,  how  she  tempts  my  heart-strings  with  her  eie,  i5g8 

1680  To  knit  them  to  her  Beauties,  or  to  breake? 

What  mou'd  the  heauens,  that  they  could  not  make 
Me  such  a  woman?  but  a  man;  a  beast, 
That  hath  no  blisse  like  to  others.  Would  to  God 
(In  wreake  of  my  misfortunes)  I  were  turn'd 
i685  To  some  faire  water-nymph,  that  set  vpon 
The  deepest  whirlepit  of  the  rau'nous  Seas, 
My  Adamantine  eies  might  headlong  hale 
This  yron  world  to  me,  and  drowne  it  all.  1608 

Enter  Fungoso  in  Briskes  Sute. 
1690  GREX. 

Cord.  (   Behold,  behold,  the  translated  Gallant. 
Mit.     \   O,  he  is  welcome. 

Fung.  God  saue  you  Brother,  and  Sister,  God  saue  you  sir;  i6i3 

I    haue   commendations   for  you   out  i'the    countrey:  I    (wonder 

i6g5  they    take    no    knowledge    of   my   Sute:)    mine  Vncle  Sogliardo 

is  in  towne;   Sister,  me  thinkes  you    are   Melancholly:  why  are 

you  so  sad?  I  thinke  you  tooke  me  for  Master  Fastidius  Briske 

G  (Sister) 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[So]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

(Sister)  did  you  not? 

Fall.  Why  should  I  take  you  for  him?  1618 

1700      Fun.  Nay  nothing,  I  was  lately  in  Maister  Fastidius  his  com 
pany,  and  me  thinkes  we  are  very  like. 

Deli.  You  haue  a  faire  sute  Brother,  God  giue  you  ioy  on't. 
Fung.   Faith   good  ynough  to   ride  in   Brother,  I  made   it  to 
ride  in. 

1705      Fall.  O,  nowe  I  see  the  cause  of  his  idle  dcmaund  was  his 
new  sute. 

Deli.  Pray  you  good  brother;  try  if  you  can  chage  her  mood. 
Fung.   I  warrant  you,  let  mee  alone.   Pie  put  her  out  of  her 
dumpes.  Sister,  how  like  you  my  sute? 
1710      Fall.  O  you  are  a  gallant  in  print  now  Brother. 

Fung.  Faith,  how  like  you  the  fashion?  it's  the  last  Edition  I 
assure  you. 

Fall.  I  cannot  but  like  it  to  the  desert. 

Fung.  Troth  sister,  I  was  faine  to  borrow  these  Spurres,  I  ha' 
I7i5  left  my  gowne  in  gage  for  'hem,  pray  you  lend  me  an  angell. 
Fall.  Now  beshrow  my  heart  then. 

Fung.  Good  truth  He  pay  you  againe  at  my  next  exhibition:  1684 
I  had  but  bare  ten  pound  of  my  father,  and  it  would  not  reach  to 
put  me  wholy  into  the  fashion. 
1720      Fall.  I  care  not. 

Fung.  I  had  Spurres  of  mine  owne  before,  but  they  were  not 
Ginglers.  Monsieur  Fastidius  will  be  here  anone  Sister. 
Fall.  You  iest? 

Fung.   Neuer  lend  me  penny  more  (while  you  Hue  then)  and 
1725  that  Pld  be  loth  to  say,  in  truth. 
Fall.  When  did  3rou  see  him? 

Fung.  Yesterday,  I  came  acquainted  with  him  at  Sir  Puntar- 
uolo's:  nay  sweet  Sister. 

Mac.  I  faine  would   know  of  heauen  now,  why  yond  foole 
I73o  Should  weare  a  sute  of  Sattin?  he?  that  Rooke? 
That  painted  lay  with  such  a  deale  of -outside? 
What  is  his  inside  trow?  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha. 
Good  Heauen  giue  me  patience, 

A 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [5i] 

A  number  of  these  Popeniayes  there  are,  i65i 

1735  Whom  if  a  man  conferre,  and  but  examine 
Their  inward  merit,  with  such  men  as  want; 
Lord,  Lord,  what  things  they  are! 

Fall.  Come,  when  will  you  pay  me  againe  now? 

Fung.  O  God  Sister. 

1740  Enter  Fastidius  Briske  in  a  new  sute.  Act.II.Sc.6. 

Mac.  Here  comes  another.  i65j 

Fast.   Saue  you  Signior  Deliro:   how  do'st  thou   sweet   Lady? 
Let  me  kisse  thee. 

Fung.  How?  a  new  sute?  Ay  me. 
1745      Deli.  And  how  does  Maister  Fastidius  Brisket 

Fast.   Faith  Hue  in   Court  Signior  Deliro,   in   grace   I   thanke 
God,  both  of  the  Noble  Masculine  and  Feminine.  I  must  speake 
with  you  in  priuat  by  and  by. 
Deli.  When  you  please  Sir. 
I75o      Fall.  Why  looke  you  so  pale  brother? 

Fung.  S'lid  all  this  money  is  cast  away  now. 

Mac.  I,  there's  a  newer  Edition  come  forth.  1670 

Fung.  Tis  but  my  hard  fortune:  wel,  He  haue  my  sute  chang'd, 
He  go  fetch  my  taylor  presently,  but  first  He  deuise  a  letter  to  my 
1755  father.  Ha'  you  any  pen  and  inke  Sister? 
Fall.  What  would  you  doe  withall? 

Fung.  I  would  vse  it.  S'light  and  it  had  come  but  foure  dales 
sooner  the  Fashion.  Exit. 

Fast.  There  was  a  Countesse  gaue  mee  her  hand  to  kisse  to 
1760  day  i'the  presence:  it  did  me  more  good  by  lesu,  then,  and  ye 
sternight  sent  her  Coach  twise  to  my  lodging,  to  intreat  me  ac- 
companie  her,  and  my  sweet  mistresse,  with  some  two  or  three 
namelesse  Ladies  more:  O,  I  haue  been  grac't  by  'hem  beyond 
all  aime  of  affection:  this  is  her  garter  my  dagger  hangs  in:  and 
1765  they  doe  so  commend  and  approue  my  apparell,  with  my  iudi- 
cious  wearing  of  it,  it's  aboue  wonder. 

Fall.  Indeed  Sir,  tis  a  most  excellent  sute,  and  you  doe  weare 
it  as  extraordinarie. 

G  ii  Fast.  Why 


[52]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fast.  Why  He  tell  you  now  (in  good  faith)  and  by  this  Chaire,  1686 
1770  which  (by  the  grace  of  God)  I  entend  presently  to  sit  in,  I  had 
three  Sutes  in  one  yeare,  made  three  great  Ladies  in  loue  with 
me:  I  had  other  three,  vndid  three  Gentlemen  in  imitation:  and 
other  three,   gat  three    other    Gentlemen,   Widdowes    of  three 
thousand  pound  a  yeare. 
1775      Deli.  Is't  possible? 

Fast.  O  beleeue  it  sir;  your  good  Face  is  the  Witch,  &  your 
Apparell  the  Spells,  that  bring  all  the  pleasures  of  the  world  in 
to  their  Circle. 

Fall.  Ah,  the  sweet  Grace  of  a  Courtier! 

1780  Mac.  Well,  would  my  father  had  left  me  but  a  good  Face  for 
my  portion  yet;  though  I  had  shar'd  the  vnfortunate  Wit  that 
goes  with  it,  I  had  not  car'd:  I  might  haue  past  for  somewhat 
i'the  world  then. 

Fast.  Why,  assure  you  Signior,  rich  apparell  has  strange  ver-  i6g8 
1785  tues:  it  makes  him  that  hath  it  without  meanes,  esteemed  for  an 
excellent  Wit:  he  that  enioies  it  with  meanes,  puts  the  world  in 
remembrance  of  his  meanes:    it   helpes   the   deformities  of  Na 
ture,  and  giues  Lustre  to  her  beauties;  makes  continuall  Holi 
day  where  it  shines;  sets  the  wits  of  Ladies  at  worke,  that  other- 
1790  wise   would    bee    idle:   furnisheth    your    two-shilling    Ordinarie; 
takes  possession  of  your  Stage  at  your  new  Play;  and  enricheth 
your  Oares,  as  scorning  to  go  with  your  Scull. 

Mac.  Pray  you  sir,  adde  this;  it  giues  respect  to  your  fooles, 
makes    manie    Theeues,    as    manie    Strumpets,    and    no    fewer 
1795  Bankrupts. 

Fall.   Out,   out,   vnworthy  to  speake  where  he  breatheth. 
Fast.  What's  he,  Signior? 
Deli.  A  friend  of  mine,  sir. 

Fast.   By  heauen,   I   wonder  at  you   Cittizens,   what    kind  of 
1800  Creatures  you  are? 
Deli.  Why  sir? 

Fast.  That  you  can  consort  your  selues  with  such  poore  seam- 
rent  fellowes. 
Fall.  He  saies  true. 

Deli.  Sir 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [53] 

:8o5      Deli.  Sir  I  will  assure  you  (how  euer  you  esteeme  of  him)  he's  1717 
a  man  worthy  of  regard. 

Fast.  Why?  what  ha's  he  in  him  of  such  vertue  to  be  regar 
ded?  ha? 

Deli.  Marry  he  is  a  Scholler  Sir. 
1810      Fast.  Nothing  else? 

Deli.  And  he  is  well  trauail'd. 

Fast.  He  should  get  him  cloths;  I  would  cherish  those  good 
parts  of  trauell  in  him,  and  preferre  him  to  some  Nobleman  of 
good  place. 

i8i5  Deli.  Sir,  such  a  benefit  should  bind  me  to  you  for  euer  (in  my 
friends  right)  and  I  doubt  not  but  his  desert  shall  more  than  an- 
swere  my  praise. 

Fast.  Why,  and  hee  had  good  cloths,  Fid  carrie  him  to  the 
Court  with  me  to  morrow. 

1820  Deli.  He  shall  not  want  for  those  Sir,  if  Gold  and  the  whole 
Cittie  will  furnish  him. 

Fast.  You  say  wel  sir:  faith  Signior  Deliro,  I  am  come  to  haue 
you  play  the  Alchymist  with  me,  and  change  the  Species  of  my 
land,  into  that  mettall  you  talke  of. 

i825      Deli.  With  all  my  heart  Sir,  what  summe  will  serue  you?  17^5 

Fast.  Faith  some  three  or  fourescore  pound. 
Deli.   Troth  Sir  I   haue   promist  to    meete   a   Gentleman    this 
morning  in  Paules,  but  vppon  my  returne  Tie  dispatch  you. 

Fast.  I'le  accompany  you  thither. 
i83o      Deli.  As  you  please  Sir;  but  I  go  not  thither  directly. 

Fast.  'Tis  no  matter,  I  haue  no  other  designement  in  hand, 
and  therefore  as  good  go  along. 

Deli.  I  were  as  good  haue  a  Quartane  feauer  follow  me  now, 
for  I  shall  ne're  bee  rid  of  him:  (bring  me  a  Cloake  there  one) 
i835  Still  vpon  his  grace  at  the  Court  am  I  sure  to  be  visited;  I  was 
a  beast  to  giue  him  any  hope.  Well,  would  I  were  in  that  I  am 
out   with    him    once,    and.—   Come    Signior    Macilente,    I    must 
conferre  with  you  as  we  go.  Nay  deere  wife,  I  beseech  thee  for 
sake  these   moods:   looke  not  like  winter  thus.   Here  take  my 
1840  keies,  open  my  counting  houses,   spread   all  my  wealth  before 

G  iii  thee, 


[54]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

thee,  choose  any  obiect  that  delightes  thee:  If  thou  wilt  eate 
the  spirit  of  Golde,  and  drinke  dissolu'd  Pearle  in  wine,  tis 
for  thee. 

Fall.  So  Sir.  i?52 

1845      Del.  Nay  my  sweet  wife. 

Fall.  Good  Lord/  how  you  are  perfumed  in  your  tearmes  and 
all:  pray  you  leaue  vs. 
Del.  Come  Gentlemen. 

Fast.  Adue,  sweet  Ladie.  Exeunt  all  but  Fallace. 

i85o  Fall.  I,  I,  Let  thy  words  euer  sound  in  mine  eares,  and  thy 
Graces  disperse  contentment  through  all  my  sences:  O,  h.nve 
happie  is  that  Ladie  aboue  other  Ladies,  that  enioies  so  ab 
solute  a  Gentleman  to  her  Seruant/  A  Countesse  giue  him 
her  hand  to  kisse/  ah  foolish  Countesse;  hee's  a  man  worthie 
i855  (if  a  woman  may  speake  of  a  mans  woorth)  to  kisse  the  lips  of 
an  Empresse. 

Enter  Fungoso,  with  his  Taylor. 

Fun.  What's  Master  Fastidius  gone,  Sister?  1764 

Pall.  I  brother:  he  has  a  Face  like  a  Cherubin. 

1860      Fun.  Gods  me,   what  lucke's  this?  I   haue  fetcht  my  Taylor 
and  all:  which  way  went  he  Sister?  can  you  tell? 

Fall.  Not  I,  in  good  faith:  and  hee  has  a  bodie  like  an  An- 
gell. 

Fun.  How  long  is't  since  he  went? 

i865      Fall.   Why  but  e'en  nowe:    did   you   not   meete   him?   and   a 
Tongue  able  to  rauish  any  woman  i'the  earth. 

Fun.  O,  for  Gods  sake  (He  please  you  for  your  paines:)  but 
e'en  now,  say  you?  Come  good  sir:  S'lid  I  had  forgot  it  too:  Si 
ster,  if  any  body  aske  for  mine  Vncle  Sogliardo,  they  shall  ha' 
1870  him  at  the  Heralds  Office  yonder  by  Panics. 

Exit,  with  his  Taylor. 

Fall.   Well;   I   will  not  altogither  despaire:  I   haue   heard   of 
a  Cittizens  wife  has  beene  belou'd  of  a  Courtier;  and  why  not 
I?  heigh  ho:   well,   I  will  into  my  priuat    Chamber,   locke    the 
1875  dore  to  me,  and  thinke  ouer  all  his  good  partes  one  after  ano 
ther-  Exit. 

GREX. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [55] 

G  R  E  X. 

Mil.   Well,    I    doubt   this   last   Scene  will   endure   some   grie-  1781 
uous  Torture.  (ction? 

1880      Cord.  How?  you  feare  'twill  be  rackt  by  some  hard  Constru- 
Mit.  Do  not  you? 

Cord.  No  in  good  faith:  vnlesse  mine  eyes  coulde  light  mee 
beyond  Sence,  I  see  no  reason  why  this  should  be  more  Liable 
to  the  Racke  than  the  rest:  you'le  saie  perhaps  the  Cittie  will 
i885  not  take  it  well,  that  the  Merchant  is  made  here  to  dote  so  per 
fectly  vpon  his  wife;  and  shee  againe,  to  be  so  Fastidiously  affe 
cted,  as  she  is? 

Mil.  You  haue  vtter'd  my  thought  sir,  indeed. 
Cord.    Why    (by    that    proportion)    the    Court    might    as    well 
1890  take  offence  at  him  we  call  the  Courtier,  and  with  much  more 
Pretext,  by  howe  much  the  place  transcendes  and  goes  before 
in   dignitie   and    vertue:    but    can  you   imagine  that   anie   Noble 
or  true  Spirit  in  the  Court  (whose  Sinewie,  and  altogether  vn- 
affected  graces,   verie   worthilie    expresse    him   a   Courtier)   will 
iSgS  make  any  exception  at  the  opening  of  such   an   emptie   Trunke 
as  this  Briske  is?  or  thinke  his  owne  worth  empeacht  by  behol 
ding  his  motley  inside? 
Mit.  No  sir,  I  do  not. 

Cord.  No  more,  assure  you,  will  any  graue  wise  Cittizen,  or 
1900  modest  Matron,  take  the  obiect  of  this  Follie  in  Deliro  and  his 
Wife;    but   rather   apply  it  as  the  foile   to   their   owne  vertues: 
For  that  were  to  affirme,  that  a  man  writing  of  Nero,  shoulde 
meane   all   Emperours:    or    speaking   of  Machiauel,   comprehend 
all  States-men;  or  in   our  Sordido,   all   Farmars;   and  so   of  the 
igo5  rest:    than    which,    nothing    can    bee    vtter'de    more    malicious 
and  absurd.   Indeed  there  are  a  sort  of  these  narrow-ey'd    De 
cipherers,    I    confesse,   that  will    extort    straunge    and    abstruse 
meaninges   out   of  anie   Subiect,   bee    it  neuer    so    Conspicuous 
and  Innocentlie  deliuerd.   But  to  such  (where  e're  they  sit  con- 
IQIO  ceald)    let    them    knowe,    the    Authour    defies    them,    and    their 
writing-tables;     and    hopes,     no     sounde     or     safe     iudgement 
will    infect    it    selfe    with    their    contagious    Commentes,    whoe 

(indeed) 


[56]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

(indeed)  come  here  onlie  to  peruert  and  poison  the  sence  of  what 
they  heare,  and  for  nought  else. 
igi5      Mil.  Stay,  what  new  Mute  is  this  that  walks  so  suspicioussy?  1811 

ACTVS  TERTIVS,  SCENA  PRIM  A. 

Enter  Caualier  Shift,  with  two  Siquisses  in  his  hand. 
Cord.  O,  marry  this  is  one,  for  whose  better  Illustration;  we  1812 
must  desire  you  to  presuppose  the   Stage,   the   middle  Isle  in 
1920  Paules;  and  that,  the  West  end  of  it. 
Mil.  So  sir:  and  what  followes? 

Cord.  Faith  a  whole  volume  of  Humor,  and  worthie  the  vn- 
clasping. 

Mil.  As  how?  what  name  do  you  giue  him  first? 

1926      Cord.  He  hath  shift  of  names  sir:  some  call  him  Apple  John, 
some  Signior  Whiffe,  marry  his  main  standing  name  is  Caualier 
Shift:  the  rest  are  but  as  cleane  shirts  to  his  Natures. 
Mit.  And  what  makes  he  in  Paules  now? 

Cor.  Troth  as  you  see,  for  the  aduancement  of  a  Siquis  or  two; 
ig3o  wherein  he  has  so  varied  himselfe,  that  if  anie  one  of  'hem  take, 
he  maie  hul  vp  and  down  i'the  Humorous  world  a  little  longer. 
Mit.  It  seemes  then,  he  beares  a  very  changing  saile? 
Cord.  O,  as  the  wind  sir:  here  comes  more. 

Enter  Orenge.  Act.III.Sc 

ig35      Shift.  This  is  rare,  I  haue  set  vp  my  bils  without  discouerie.  i82g 

Or  en.  What?  Signior  Whiff  el  what  fortune  has  brought 
you  into  these  West  parts? 

Shift.  Troth  Signior,  nothing  but  your  Rheume;  I  haue  been 
taking  an  ounce  of  Tabacco  hard  by  here  with  a  Gentleman, 
1940  and  I  am  come  to  spit  priuate  in  Paules.  God  saue  you  sir. 

Or  en.  Adue  good  Signior  Whiff e.  Enter  Clone. 

Clone.  Maister  Apple  lohnl  you  are  wel  met:  when  shal  wee 
suppe  together,  and  laugh  and  bee  fatte  with  those  good  Wen 
ches?  ha? 

1945      Shift.  Faith  sir,  I  must  now  leaue  you,  vpon  a  few  Humors 
and  occasions:  but  when  you  please  Sir.  Exit. 

Clone.  Fare- 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [5y] 

Clone.  Farewel  sweet  Apple  lohn:  I  wonder  there  are  no  more  1840 
store  of  Gallants  here? 

G  REX. 
ig5o      Mit.   /  What  be  these  two,  Signior? 

Cor.  )  Marry  a  couple  sir,  that  are  meere  straungers  to  the 
whole  scope  of  our  Play;  only  come  to  walke  a  turne 
or  two  i'this  Scene  of  Paules  by  chaunce. 

They  walke  togither. 
Oren.  Saue  you,  good  Master  Clone. 
Clone.  Sweet  Master  Orenge. 

GR  E  X. 

Mit.  How?  Clone,  and  Orenge? 

Cor.  I,  and  they  are  well  met,  for  'tis  as  dry  an  Orenge  as  euer  i85i 
1960  \    Grew:  nothing  but  Salutation,   and   O   God  sir,  and  It  pleases 
yon  to  say  so  sir;  one  that  can  laugh  at  a  iest  for  company  with  a 
most  plausible,   and   extemporall  grace;   and   some    houre    af 
ter    in   priuate   aske  you   what  it  was   :   the  other,   Monsieur 
i  Clone,  is  a  more  spic't  youth:  he  will  sit  you  a  whole  afternoon 
ig65  I  sometimes,  in   a  book-sellers   shop,   reading  the   Greeke,   Ita 
lian,  and  Spanish;  when  hee  vnderstands  not  a  word  of  ei 
ther:  if  he  had  the  Tongues  to  his  Sutes,  he  were  an  excellent 
\  Linguist. 

Clone.  Doe  you  heare  this  reported  for  certainty? 
1970      Oreng.  O  good  sir. 

Enter  Puntaruolo,  Carlo:  two  seruingmen  following,  Act.III.Sc.2. 

one  leading  the  Dogge. 

Punt.  Sirrah,  take  my  Cloake:  and  you  sir  knaue,  follow  me 
closer:  if  thou  loosest  my  Dogge,  thou  shalt  die  a  Dogs  death; 
1975  I  will  hang  thee. 

Carl.  Tut,  feare  him  not,  he's  a  good  leane  slaue,  hee  loues 
a  Dogge  well  I  warrant  him;  I  see  by  his  lookes,  I:  masse  hee's 
somewhat  like  him.  Sbloud  poison  him,  make  him  away  with 
a  crooked  pin,  or  somewhat  man;  thou  maist  haue  more  securi- 
1980  ty  of  thy  life:  and  so  Sir,  what?  you  ha'  not  put  out  your  whole 
venter  yet?  ha'  you? 

Punt.  No,   I  doe  want  yet  some  fifteene  or  sixteene  hundred 

H  pounds: 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[58J  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

pounds:  but  my  Lady  (my  wife)  is  out  of  her  Humor;  she  does 
not  now  go. 
ig85      Carl.  No?  how  then?  1872 

Punt.  Marry,  I  am  now  enforc't  to  giue  it  out,  vpon  the  re- 
turne  of  my  selfe,  my  Dogge,  and  my  Cat. 
Carl.  Your  Cat?  where  is  shee? 

Punt.  My  Squire  has  her  there  in  the  Bagge:  Sirrah,  looke  to 
1990  her:  How  lik'st  thou  my  change,  Carlo? 

Car.  Oh,  for  the  better  sir;  your  Cat  has  nine  Hues,  and  your 
wife  has  but  one. 

Punt.  Besides,  shee  will  neuer  be  Sea-sicke,  which  will  saue 
me  so  much  in  Conserues:  when  saw  you  Signior  Sogliardo? 
1995      Car.  I  came  from  him  but  now,  hee  is  at  the  Heraldes  Office 
yonder:  he  requested  me  to  go  afore  and  take  vp  a  man  or  two 
for  him  in  Panics,  against  his  Cognisance  was  readie. 
Punt.  What?  has  he  purchast  armes  then? 

Car.  I,  and  rare  ones  too:  of  as  many  Colours,  as  e're  you  saw 
2000  any  fooles  coat  in  your  life.  He  go  looke  among  yond  Bils,  and 
I  can  fit  him  with  Legs  to  his  Armes. 
Punt.  With  Legs  to  his  Arms/  Good:   I  will  go  with  you  sir. 

They  go  to  looke  vpon  the  Bils. 
Enter  Fastidius,  Deliro,  and  Madlente.  Act.III.Sc.3 

2co5      Fast.  Come,  lets  walke  in  the  Mediterraneum:  I  assure  you  sir 
I  am  not  the  least  respected  among  Ladies;  but  let  that  passe:  do 
you  know  how  to  go  into  the  Presence  Sir? 
Mac.  Why,  on  my  feet  sir. 

Fast.  No,  on  your  head  sir:  for  tis  that  must  beare  you  out,  I 
2010  assure  you:  as  thus  sir:  You  must  first  haue  an  especiall  care  so  to 
weare  your  Hat,  that  it  oppresse  not  confusedly  this  your  Predo 
minant  or  Fore-top;  because  (Vhen  you   come  at  the   Presence 
dore)  you  maie  with  once  or  twise  stroking  vp  your  Forehead 
thus,  enter  with  your  Predominant  perfect:  that  is,  standing  vp 
20i5  stiffs. 

Mac.  As  if  one  were  frighted? 
Fast.  I  sir. 

Mac.  Which  indeede,  a  true  feare  of  your   Mistresse  should 

doe, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [89] 

doe,  rather  than  Gumme   water,   or   whites  of  Egges:   is't  not 

2020  so  Sir? 

Fast.    An    Ingenious    obseruation:    giue    mee    leaue    to    craue  1906 
your  name  sir. 

Deli.  His  name  is  Macilente  sir. 
Fast.    Good    Signior    Macilente:    if    this    Gentleman,    Signior 

2O25  Deliro,  furnish  you  (as  he  sayes  he  will)  with  clothes,  I  will  bring 
you  to  morrow  by  this  time  into  the  Presence  of  the  most  Di- 
uine  and  Acute  Ladie  of  the  Court:  you  shall  see  sweet  Silent 
Rhetorique,  and  Dumbe  Eloquence  speaking  in  her  eye;  but 
when  shee  speakes  her  selfe,  such  an  Anotomie  of  Witte,  so 

2o3o  Sinewiz'd    and    Arteriz'd,     that    'tis    the    goodliest    Modell    of 
pleasure  that  euer  was,   to  behold.   Oh,  she  strikes  the  worlde 
into  Admiration  of  her;  (O,  O,  O)  I  cannot  expresse  'hem  be- 
leeue  mee. 
Mac.  O,  your  onely  Admiration,  is  your  silence,  sir. 

2o35      Punt.  Fore  God  Carlo,  this  is  good;   let's  read  'hem   againe:  igi8 
If  there  be  ante  Ladie,  or  gentlewoman  of  good  carriage,  that  is 
desirous  to  entertaine  (to  her  priuat  vses]  a  young,  straight,  <§•  vp- 
right  Gentleman,  of  the  age  of  fiue,  or  sixe  6-  twenty  at  the  most: 
who  can  serue  in  the  nature  of  a  gentleman  Vsher,  and  hath  little 

2040  legs  of  purpose,  &  a  blacke  Satten  Sute  of  his  owne  to  go  before  her 
in:  which  Sute  (for  the  more  sweetning]  now  lies  in  Lauander:  and 
can  hide  his  face  with  her  Fan,  if  need  require:  or  sit  in  the  cold  at 
the  stair e  foot  for  her  as  well  as  an  other  Gentleman:  Let  her  sub 
scribe  her  Name  and  Place,  and  diligent  respect  shall  bee  giuen. 

2045  This  is  aboue  measure  excellent;  ha? 

Carl.  No  this,  this:  here's  a  fine  slaue. 

Punt.  If  this  citty,  or  the  sub-urbs  of  the  same,  do  afford  any  youg 
gentleman,  of  the  i.  2.  or  3.  head,  more  or  les  whose  friends  are  but 
lately  deceased,  &  whose  lands  are  but  new  come  to  his  hads  that 

2o5o  (to  be  as  exactly  qualified  as  the  best  of  our  ordinary  galldts  are]  is 
affected  to  entertaine  the  most  Gentlemanlike  vse  of  Tobacco:  as 
first,  to  giue  it  the  most  exquisite  perfume;  then,  to  know  al  the  dili- 
cate  sweet  forms  for  the  assuptio  of  it:  as  also  the  rare  Corollary  & 
practise  of  the  Cuban  Ebolition,  EVRIPVS,  &  Whiff  e;  which  he 

H   ii  shall 


[60]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2o55  shall  receiue  or  take  in  here  at  London,  and  evaporate  at  Vxbridge, 
orfarder,  if  it  please  him.  If  there  be  any  such  generous  spirit,  that 
is  truly  enamour' d  of  these  good  facilities:  May  it  please  him,  but 
(by  a  note  of  his  hand)  to  specifie  the  place,  or  Ordinarie  where  hee 
vses  to  eat  and  lie,  and  most  sweet  attendance  with  Tabacco,  and 
2060  Pipes  of  the  best  sort  shall  be  ministred:  STET  QV&SO 
CANDIDE  LECTOR,  why  this  is  without  Pararel,  this! 

Carlo.  Well,   Tie  marke  this  fellow  for   Sogliardo's   vse    pre-  1946 
sently. 

Punt.  Or  rather,  Sogliardo  for  his  vse. 

2o65  Carl.  Faith  either  of  'hem  will  serue,  they  are  both  good 
Properties:  Tie  designe  the  other  a  place  too,  that  wee  may  see 
him. 

Punt.  No  better  place  than  the  Mitre,  that  we  may  be  Spe 
ctators  with  you  Carlo.  Soft,  behold,  who  enters  here:  Signior 
2070  Sogliardo!  God  saue  you.  Enter  Sog.       Act.III.Sc.^ 

Sog.   Saue  you  good   sir  Puntaruolo;   your   Dogge's  in  health 
sir  I  see:  how  now  Carlo? 

Carl.   We  haue  ta'ne  simple  paines    to  choose  you    out    fol 
lowers  here. 
2075      Punt.  Come  hither  Signior. 

They  shew  him  the  Bils. 

Clone.    Monsieur    Orenge,    yond'    Gallants    obserues    vs;    pr'y 
thee  let's  talke  Fustian  a  little  and  gul  'hem:  make  'hem  beleeue 
we  are  great  Schollers. 
2080      Oreng.  O  Lord  sir. 

Clone.   Nay,  pr'y  thee  let's,  by  lesu:   you  haue  an  excellent 
habit  in  discourse. 
Oreng.  It  pleases  you  to  say  so  sir. 

Cloue.  By  this  Church  you  ha'  la:  nay  come,  begin:  Aristotle 
2085  in  his  Damonologia  approoues  Scaliger  for  the  best  Nauigator  in 
his  time:  and  in  his  Hyper  critiques,   he  reports  him  to  be  Hcau- 
tontimorumenos:  you  vnderstand  the  Greeke  sir? 
Oreng.  O  good  sir. 

Mac.  For  societies  sake  hee  does.  O  here  be  a  couple  of  fine 
2090  tame  Parrats. 

Cloue.  Now 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [61] 

Clone.  Now  sir,  Whereas  the  Ingenuitie  of  the  time,  and  the  1974 
soules  Synderisis  are  but  Embrions  in  Nature,  added  to  the  panch 
of  Esquiline,  &  the  Inter-uallum  of  y  Zodiack,  besides  the  Eclip- 
ticke  line  being  Optick  &  not  Menial,  but  by  the  contemplatiue 
200,5  and  Theoricke  part  therof,  doth  demonstrate  to  vs  the  vegetable 
circumference,  &  the  ventositie  of  the  Tropicks,  &  wheras  our 
intellectual  or  mincing  capreal  (according  to  y  Metaphisicks]  as 
you  may  read  in  Plato's  Histriomastix.  You  conceiue  me  sir? 

Oren.  O  Lord  sir. 

2100      Clou.  Then  coming  to  the  prety  Animal,  as  Reason  long  since 
is  fled  to  Animals  you  know,  or  indeed  for  the  more  modellizing 
or  enamelling,   or  rather  diamondizing  of  your  subiect,  you  shall 
perceiue  the  Hipothesis  or   Galaxia,    (whereof  the  Meteors    long 
since  had  their  Initial  inceptions  &  Notions)  to  be  meerly  Pitha- 
2lo5  gorical,   Mathematical,  &  Aristocratical:  for  looke  you  sir,  there 
is  euer  a  kind  of  Concinnitie  and  Species.  Let  vs  turne  to  our  for 
mer  discourse,  for  they  marke  vs  not. 
Fast.  Masse,  yonder's  the  Knight  Puntaruolo. 

Deli.  And  my  cousin  Sogliardo  me  thinks.  1990 

2 no      Mac.  I,   and  his  familiar  that  haunts  him,   the   deuill  with  a 
shining  face. 
Deli.  Let  'hem  alone,  obserue  'hem  not. 

Sogliardo,  Punt.  Car.  walke. 

Sog.  Nay  I  wil  haue  him,  I  am  resolute  for  that,  by  this  parch- 
21 15  ment  gentlemen,  I  haue  been  so  toil'd  among  the  Harrots  yon 
der,  you  wil  not  beleeue,  they  do  speak  i'the  strangest  language, 
and  giue  a  man  the  hardest  termes  for  his  money,  that  euer  you 
knew. 

Carl.  But  ha'  you  armes?  ha'  you  armes? 

2120      Sog.  Yfayth,   I   thanke   God   I   can   write  my   selfe  gentleman 
now,  here's  my  Pattent,  it  cost  me  thirty  pound  by  this  breath. 
Punt.  A  very  faire  Coat,  wel  charg'd  and  full  of  Armorie. 
Sog.  Nay,  it  has  as  much  variety  of  colours  in  it,  as  you  haue 
seene  a  Coat  haue,  how  like  you  the  Crest  sir? 
2125      Punt.  I  vnderstand  it  not  well,  what  is't? 

Sog.  Marry  sir,  it  is  your  Bore  without  ajhead  Rampant. 

H  iii  Pun.  A  Bore 


[62]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Punt.  A  Bore  without  a  head,  that's  very  rare.  2006 

Carl.  I,  and  Rampant  too:  troth  I  commend  the  Heralds  wit, 
he  has  deciphered  him  well:  A  Swine  without  a  head,  without 
2i3o  braine,   wit,   any  thing  indeed,   Ramping  to  Gentilitie.  You  can 
blazon  the  rest  signior?  can  you  not? 

Sog.  O  I,  I  haue  it  in  writing  here  of  purpose,  it  cost  me  two 
shillings  the  tricking. 

Carl.  Let's  heare,  Let's  heare. 

2i35  Punt.  It  is  the  most  vile,  foolish,  absurd,  palpable,  and  ridicu 
lous  Escutcheon  that  euer  this  eie  suruis'd.  Saue  you  good  Mon 
sieur  Fastidius.  They  salute  as  they  meet 

Carl.  Silence  good  knight:  on,  on.  in  the  walke. 

Sog.  GYRONY  of  eight   pieces,   AZVRE   and    GVLES, 
2140  between  three  plates   a   CHEVRON  engrailed   checkey,   OR, 
VERT  and  ERMINES',  on  a  chiefe    ARGENT  betweene 
two  ANN'LETS,  sables  a  Bores  head  PROPER. 

Carl.  How's  that?  on  a  chiefe  ARGENT? 

Sog.  On  a  chiefe  ARGENT,  a   Bores  head  PROPER  be-  2022 
tweene  two  ANN'LETS  sables. 

Carl.   S'lud,   it's   a   Hogs   Cheeke   and   Puddings   in   a   Peuter 


field  this. 

Sog.  How  like  you  them  signior? 
Pun.  Let  the  world  be,  Not  without 
2i5o  mustard,  your  Crest  is  very  rare  sir. 


Here  they  shift,  Fast,  mixes 

with  Punt.  Car.  and  Sogli. 

Deli.  &  Macilente  Clone 

\  and  Orenge,foure  couple. 


Carl.  A  frying  pan  to  the  Crest  had  had  no  fellow. 

Fast.  Intreat  your  poore  friend  to  walke  off  a  little  Signior,  I 
will  salute  the  knight. 

Carl.  Come,  lap't  vp,  lap't  vp. 
2i55      Fast.  You  are  right  wel  encoutred  sir,  how  do's  your  fair  Dog? 

Punt.  In  reasonable  state  sir,  what  Cittizen  is  that  you  were 
consorted  with?  a  merchant  of  any  worth? 

Fast.  Tis  Signior  Deliro  sir. 


Punt.  Is  it  he?  Saue  you  sir. 


Salute. 


2160      Deli.  Good  sir  Puntaruolo. 

Mac.  O    what    Copie    of  foole    would    this   place  minister  to 
one  endew'd  with  Patience  to  obserue  it? 

Carl.  Nay 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [63] 

Carl.  Nay  looke  you  sir,  now  you  are  a  Gentleman,  you  must  2040 
carry  a  more  exalted  presence,  change  your  mood  and  habite 
2i65  to  a  more  austere  forme,  be  exceeding  proud,  stand  vpon  your 
Gentilitie,  and  scorne  euery  man.  Speak  nothing  humbly,  neuer 
discourse  vnder  a  Nobleman,  though  you  ne're  saw  him  but  ri 
ding  to  the  Starre-chamber ,  it's  all  one.  Loue  no  man,  Trust  no 
man,  Speake  ill  of  no  man  to  his  face,  nor  well  of  any  man  behind 
2170  his  backe.  Salute  fairly  on  the  front,  and  wish  'hem  hang'd  vpon 
the  turne.  Spread  your  selfe  vpon  his  bosome  publikely,  whose 
heart  you  would  eate  in  priuate.  These  be  principles,  thinke  on 
'hem,  I'le  come  to  you  againe  presently. 

Exit  Car.  Sogliardo  mixes  with  Punt,  and  Fast.          (ruffe. 
2175      Pun.  Sirah,  keep  close,  yet  not  so  close,  thy  breath  wil  thaw  my 
Sog.  O  good  cousin,  I  am  a  little  busie,  how  does  my  neece,  I 
am  to  walke  with  a  knight  here.  Enter  Fung,  with  his  Tailor.  Act.III.Sc.5. 

Fung.  O  he  is  here,  look  you  sir,  that's  the  Gentleman. 
Tail.  What  he  i'the  blush  colourd  Sattin? 

2180      Fun.  I,  he  sir,  though  his  sute  blush,  he  blushes  not:  looke  you, 
that's  the  sute  sir:  I  would  haue  mine,  such  a  Sute  without  diffe 
rence,  such  Stuffe,  such  a  Wing,  such  a  Sleeue,  such  a  Skirt,  Belly 
&  all;  therefore,  pray  you  obserue  it.  Haue  you  a  paire  of  Tables? 
Fast.  Why  do  you  see  sir?  they  say  I  am  Phantastical:  why  true, 
2i85  I  know  it,  &  I  pursue  my  Humor  still  in  cotempt  of  this  censori 
ous  age:  S'light  &  a  man  should  doe  nothing  but  what  a  sort  of 
stale  Judgments  about  this  town  will  approue  in  him,  hee  were  a 
sweet  Asse,  I'ld  beg  him  yfaith:  I  ne're  knew  any  more  find  fault 
with  a  fashion,  then  they  that  knew  not  how  to  put  themselues 
2190  into  it:  For  mine  own  part,  so  I  please  mine  owne  appetite,  I  am 
carelesse  what  the  fustie  World  speakes  of  me,  puh: 
Fung.  Do  you  marke  how  it  hangs  at  the  knee  there? 
Tail.  I  warrant  you  sir. 

Fung.  For  Gods  sake  do,  note  all:  do  you  see  the  Coller  sir? 
2ig5      Tail.  Feare  nothing,  it  shall  not  differ  in  a  stitch  sir. 

Fun.  Pray  God  it  do  not,  you'le  make  these  linings  serue?  & 
helpe  me  to  a  chapman  for  the  outside,  will  you? 
Tail.  I'le  doe  my  best  sir:  you'le  put  it  off  presently? 

Fung.  I 


[64]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Fung.  I,  go  with  mee  to  my  chamber  you  shall  haue  it,  but 
2200  make  hast  of  it,  for  the  loue  of  Christ,  for  Tie  sit  i'my  old  sute,  or 
else  lie  a  bed  and  read  the  Arcadia,  till  you  haue  done. 

Exit  with  tailor.  Enter  Car. 

Carl.  O,  if  euer  you  were  strucke  with  a  iest,  gallants,  now,  2080 
now.  I  doe  vsher  the  most  strange  piece  of  Militarie  Profession, 
22o5  that  euer  was  discouer'd  in  Insula  Paulina. 
Fast.  Where?  where? 
Punt.  What  is  he  for  a  Creature? 

Carl.  A  Pimpe,  a  Pimpe,  that  I  haue  obseru'd  yonder,  the  ra 
rest  Superficies  of  a  humor;  he  comes  euery  morning  to  emptie 
2210  his  lungs  in  Pauls  here,  and  offers  vp  some  fiue  or  six  Hecatomb's 
of  faces  and  sighes,  and  away  againe.  Here  he  comes;  nay  walke, 
walke,  be  not  seene  to  note  him,  and  wee  shall  haue  excellent 
sport.  Enter  Shift:  Act.III.Sc.t 

Walkes  by,  and  vses  action  to  his  Rapier. 

22i5      Punt.  S'lid  he  vented  a  sigh  e'ne  nowe,  I  thought  he  would 
haue  blowne  vp  the  church. 

Carl.  O  you  shall  haue  him  giue  a  number  of  those  false  fires 
ere  he  depart. 

Fast.  See  nowe  he  is  expostulating  with  his  Rapier,  Looke, 
2220  Looke. 

Carl.  Did  you  euer  in  your  daies  obserue  better  passion  ouer 
a  hilt? 

Punt.  Except  it  were  in  the  person  of  a  Cutlers  boy,  or  that 
the  fellow  were  nothing  but  Vapour,  I  should  thinke  it  impos- 
2225  sible. 

Car.  See,  again,  he  claps  his  sword  o'the  head,  as  who  should 
say,  Well,  go  to. 

Fast.  O  violence,  I  wonder  the  blade  can  containe  it  selfe,  be 
ing  so  prouokt. 
223o      Carl.     With  that,  the  moody  Squire  thumpt  his  brest, 

A  nd  rear'd  his  eyen  to  heauen  for  Reuenge. 

Bog.  Troth,  and  you  be  Gentlemen,  Lets  make  'hem  friends, 
and  take  vp  the  matter  betweene  his  Rapier  and  he. 
Carl.   Nay,   if  you  intend  that,  you  must  lay  downe  the  mat 
ter, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [65] 

2o35  ter,  for  this  Rapier  (it  seemes)  is  in  the  nature  of  a  Hanger  on, 
and  the  good  Gentleman  would  happily  be  rid  of  him. 
Fast.  By  my  faith,  and  'tis  to  be  suspected,  Tie  aske  him.  qiii 

Mac.  O  here's  rich  stuffe,  for  Christ  sake,  let  vs  goe, 
A  man  would  wish  himselfe  a  senselesse  pillar, 
2240  Rather  than  view  these  monstrous  prodigies: 
Nil  habet  infcdix  Paupertas  durius  in  se, 

Quam  quod  Ridicules  homines  facit.  Exit,  with  Deliro. 

Fast.  Signior. 
Shift.  At  your  seruice. 
2246      Fast.  Will  you  sell  your  Rapier? 

Carl.  S'bloud  he  is  turn'd  wild  vpon  the  question,  he  lookes 
as  he  had^seene  a  Serjeant. 
Shift.  Sell  my  Rapier?  now  God  blesse  me. 
Punt.  Amen. 

225o      Shift.  You  askt  me,  if  I  would  sell  my  Rapier  Sir? 
Fast.  I  did  indeed. 

Shift.  Now  Lord  haue  mercie  vpon  me. 
Punt.  Amen  I  say  still. 

Shift.   S'lud  Sir,    what  should  you  behold  in  my  face  Sir,  that 
2255  should  mooue  you   (as  they  say  Sir)  to  aske  me  Sir,  if  I  would 
sell  my  Rapier? 

Fast.  Nay  (let  me  pray  you   Sir)  be  not  moou'd:  I  protest  I  2i3o 
would   rather  haue   been   silent  than   any  way  offensiue,  had   I 
knowne  your  nature. 

2260  Shift.  Sell  my  Rapier?  Gods  lid:  Nay  Sir  (for  mine  own  part) 
as  I  am  a  man  that  has  seru'd  in  causes,  or  so,  so  I  am  not  apt  to 
injurie  any  Gentleman  in  the  degree  of  falling  foule,  but:  sell 
my  Rapier?  I  will  tell  you  Sir,  I  haue  seru'd  with  this  foolish  Ra 
pier,  where  some  of  vs  dare  not  appeare  in  hast,  I  name  no  man: 
2265  but  let  that  passe;  Sell  my  Rapier?  Death  to  my  Lungs.  This 
Rapier  Sir,  has  trauail'd  by  my  side  Sir,  the  best  part  of  Fraunce 
and  the  low  Countrey:  I  haue  scene  Vlishing,  Brill,  and  the 
Haghe  with  this  Rapier  Sir,  in  my  Lord  of  Leysters  time:  and  (by 
Gods  will)  he  that  should  offer  to  disrapier  me  now,  I  would  — 
2270  Lookey  ou  sir,  you  presume  to  be  a  Gentleman  of  good  sort, 

I  and 

(HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[66]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

and  so  likewise  your  friends  here,  If  you  haue  any  disposition  to 
trauel,  for  the  sight  of  seruice  or  so,  One,  two,  or  all  of  you,  I  can 
lend  you  letters  to  diuers  Officers  and  Commaunders  in  the 
Low  Countries,  that  shall  for  my  cause  doe  you  all  the  good  of- 
2275  fices  that  shall  pertaine  or  belong  to  Gentlemen  of  your — 
Please  you  to  shewe  the  Bountie  of  your  mind  Sir,  to  impart 
some  ten  groats  or  halfe  a  Crowne  to  our  vse,  till  our  abilitie  be 
of  grow'th  to  returne  it,  and  wee  shall  thinke  our  selfe.— - 
Sbloud,  sell  my  Rapier? 
2280  Sog.  I  pray  you  what  said  he  Signior?  hee's  a  proper  man.  2180 

Fast.  Marie  he  tells  me,  If  I  please  to  shew  the  bountie  of  my 
mind,  to  impart  some  ten  groats  to  his  vse  or  so. 
Punt.  Breake  his  head,  and  giue  it  him. 

Carl.  I  thought  he  had  ben  playing  on  the  lewes  Trump  I. 
2285      Shift.  My   Rapier?  no  sir:   my  Rapier  is  my   Guard,  my    De 
fence,  my  Reuenew,  my  Honour:   (if  you  cannot  impart  be  se 
cret  I  beseech  you)  &  I  will  maintaine  it,  where  there  is  a  grain 
of  dust  or  a  drop  of  water:  (hard  is  the  choise  when  the  valiant 
must  eat  their  Armes  or  clem:)  Sell  my  Rapier?  no   my   Deare, 
22cp  I  will  not  be  diuorc't  from  thee  yet,  I  haue  euer  found  thee  true 
as  Steele:  and  (you  cannot  impart  Sir)   God   saue   you   Gentle 
men:  (neuerthelesse  if  you  haue  a  fancie  to  it  sir.) 
Fast.  Pr'y  thee  away:  is  Signior  Deliro  departed? 
Carl.  Ha'you  scene  a  Pimpe  out-face  his  owne  wants  better. 
2295      Sog.  I  commend  him  that  can  dissemble  them  so  well. 

Punt.  True,  and  hauing  no  better  a  cloake  than  he  has  for  it  2l65 
neither.  (Gentlemen. 

Fast.  Gods  pretious,   what  mischieuous    lucke  is  this?  adiew 
Punt.  Whither?  in  such  hast,  Monsieur  Fastidius? 
23oo      Fast.  After  my  Merchant,  Signior  Deliro  sir. 

Carl.  O  hinder  him  not,  hee  may  hap   loose  his  Tyde,  a  good 
Flounder  i'faith.  Exit. 

Oren.  Harke  you  Sig.  Whiffe,  a  word  with  you.  (  Oren.  and  Cloue 
Carl.  How?  Signior  Whiffe?  (  call  Shift  aside. 

23o5      Oren.   What  was   the   difference    betweene    that  young   Gal 
lant  that's  gone,  and  you  sir. 

Shift. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [67] 

Shift.  No  difference:  he  would  ha'  giu'n  me  flue  pound  for  my 
Rapier,  and  I  refus'd  it;  that's  all.  (some  terms. 

Clou.  O,  was   it  no  otherwise?  we  thought  you  had  ben  vpon 
23lo      Shift.  No  other  than  you  saw  sir. 

Clou.  Adiew  good  Master  Apple  lohn.          Exeut  Or  en.  &  Clone. 
Carl.  How?  Whiffe,  and  Apple  lohn  too?  Hart,  what'll  you  say  if 
this  be  the  Appendix  or  Labell  to  both  yond'  Indentures? 

Punt.  It  may  be.       Car.  Resolue  vs  of  it  I  anus,  thou  that  look'st 
23i5  euery  way;  or  thou  Hercules,  that  hast  trauail'd  all  Countries. 

Punt.  Nay  Carlo,  spend  not  time  in  Inuocation  now;  'tis  late. 
Car.  Signior,  here's  a  Gentleman  desirous  of  your  name  sir. 
Shift.   My  name  is  Caualier  Shift'.  I  am  knowne  sufficiently  in 
this  walke  sir. 

232O      Carl.  Shift?  I  heard  your  name  varied  e'ene  now,  as  I  take  it. 

Shift.  True  sir,  it  pleases  the  world  (as  I  am  her  excellent  Ta- 

bacconist]  to  giue  me  the  style  of  Signior  Whiffe:  as  I  am  a  poore 

Esquire  about  the  towne  here,  they  call  me  Master  Apple  lohn: 

varietie  of  good  names  does  well  sir. 

2325      Carl.  I,  and  good  parts,  to    make  those  good  names:  out  of 
which  I  imagine  yond'  Bills  to  be  yours. 

Shift.  Sir,  if  I  should  denie  the  Scriptures,  I  were  worthy  to  be 
banisht  the  middle  yle  for  euer. 

Carl.  I  take  your  word  sir:  this  Gentleman  has  subscrib'd  to 
233o  'hem,  &  is  most  desirous  to  become  your  Pupil;  mary  you  must 
vse  expedition:  Signor  Insulso  Sogliardo,  this  is  the  Professor. 

Sog.  In  good  time  sir',  nay  good  sir  house  your  head,  doe  you 
professe  these  sleights  in  Tabacco? 

Shift.  I  doe  more  than  professe  sir,  and  (if  you  please  to  be  a 
2335  practitioner)    I    will    vndertake    in    one  fortnight  to  bring  you, 
that  you   shall  take   it  plausibly  in  any  Ordinarie,   Theatre,   or 
the  Tilt-yard  if  need  be;  the  most  popular  assembly  that  is. 
Punt.  But  you  cannot  bring  him  to  the  Whiffe  so  soone? 
Shift.  Yes  as  soone  Sir:  he  shall  receiue  the  I,  2,  and  3  Whiffe, 
2340  if  it  please  him,  and  (vpon  the  receit)  take  his  horse,  drinke  his 
three  cups  of  Canarie,  and  expose  one  at  Hounslow,  a  second 
at  Stanes,  and  a  third  at  Bagshot. 

I  ij  Carl,  Baw- 


[68]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Carl.  Baw-waw.  (Countenance. 

Sog.  You  will  not  serue  me  sir,  wil  you?  Tie  giue  you  more  lha  221$ 
2345      Shift.  Pardon  me  Sir,  I  doe  scorne  to  serue  any  man. 

Carl.  Who?  he  serue?  S'bloud  he  keepes  High  men,  &  Low 
men,  hee?  he  has  a  faire  liuing  at  Fullam. 

Shift.  But  in  the  nature  of  a  fellow,  Tie  bee  your  follower  if 
you  please. 

235o      Sog.  Sir,  you  shall  stay  and  dine  with  me,  and  if  we  can  agree, 
wee'le  not  part  in  hast:   I  am  very  bountifull  to  men  of  quality. 
Where  shall  we  goe  Signior? 
Punt.  Your  Mitre  is  your  best  house. 

Shift.  I  can  make  this  dog  take  as  many  whiffes  as  I  list,  and 
2355  he  shall  retaine  or  refume  them  at  my  pleasure. 
Punt.  By  your  patience,  follow  me  fellowes. 
Sog.  Sir  Puntaruolo. 

Punt.  Pardon  me,  my  Dog  shall  not  eat  in  his  companie  for  2280 
a  Million.  Exit  Punt,  with  his  followers. 

236o      Carl.  Nay  be  not  you  amaz'd    Signior   Whiffe,  what  e're  that 
stiffeneckt  Gentleman  sayes. 

Sog.  No,  for  you  doe  not  know  the  Humor  of  the  Dog  as  we 
doe:  where  shall  we  dine  Carlo!  I  would  faine  go  to  one  of  these 
Ordinaires  now  I  am  a  Gentleman. 
2365      Car.  So  you  may,  were  you  neuer  at  none  yet? 

Sog.    No    faith,   but  they  say   there  resorts  your  most  choice 
Gallants. 

Car.  True,  and  the  fashion  is,  when  any  straunger  comes  in 
amongst  'hem,  they  all  stand  vp  and  stare  at  him,  as  hee  were 
2370  some  vnknowne  beast  brought  out  of  Affricke,  but  that  '11  be 
helpt  with  a  good  aduenturous  face;  you  must  be  impudent 
enough,  sit  downe,  and  vse  no  respect:  when  any  thing  's  pro 
pounded  aboue  your  capacitie,  smile  at  it,  make  two  or  three 
faces,  and  'tis  excellent,  they'le  thinke  you  haue  trauail'd: 
2375  though  you  argue  a  whole  day  in  silence  thus,  and  discourse  in 
nothing  but  Laughter,  'twill  passe.  Onely  (now  and  then)  giue 
fire,  Discharge  a  good  full  Oth,  and  offer  a  great  Wager,  'twill 
be  admirable. 

Sog.  1 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [69! 

Sog.  I  warrant  you,  I  am  resolute,  come  good  Signior,  theres  2248 
238o  a  poore  French  crowne  for  your  Ordenarie. 

Shift.  It  comes  well,  for  I  had  not  so  much  as  the   least  Port- 
cullice  of  coine  before.  Exeunt. 

G  R  EX. 

Mit.   I  trauell   with  another   obiection   Signior,  which    I   feare 
2385  will  be  enforc'd   against  the  Author,  ere  I  can  be  deliuer'd  of  it. 
Cord.  What's  that  sir? 

Mit.  That  the  argument  of  his  Comedie  might  haue  been  of 
some  other  nature,  as  of  a  Duke  to  be  in  loue  with  a  Countesse, 
&  that  Countesse  to  bee  in  loue  with  the  Dukes  son,  &  the  son 
23cp  to  loue  the  Ladies  waiting  maid:  some  such  crosse  woing,  with  a 
Clowne  to  their  seruingman,  better  than  to  be  thus  neere  and 
familiarly  allied  to  the  time. 

Cord.  You  say  well,  but  I  would  faine  heare  one  of  these  Au- 
tumne-iudgements   define  once,  Quid  sit  Comcedia?  if  he  cannot, 
23g5  let  him   content   himselfe    with   Ciceros    definition   (till   hee  haue 
strength  to  propose  to  himself  a  better)  who  would  haue  a  Co 
medie  to  be  Imitatio  vitce,  Speculum  Consuetudinis,  Imago  veritatis,  a 
thing    throughout    pleasant    and   ridiculous,    and   accommodated 
to  the   correction  of  manners:    if  the    maker    haue  fail'd  in  any 
2400  particle   of  this,  they  may  worthily  taxe   him,  but  if  not,    why; 
be  you  (that  are  for  them)  silent,  as  I  will  bee  for  him;  and  giue 
way  to  the  Actors. 

SCENASECUNDA.  A  ct.III.Sc.1?. 

Enter  Sordido  with  a  halter  about  his  necke. 

2405  Sord.  Nay  Gods-pretious,  if  the  weather  and  the  Season  bee 
so  respectlesse,  that  Beggers  shall  Hue  as  well  as  their  betters; 
and  that  my  hunger  and  thrist  for  Riches,  shall  not  make  them 
hunger  and  thirst  with  Pouertie;  that  my  .sleepes  shall  be  bro 
ken,  and  their  hearts  not  broken;  that  my  coffers  shall  be  full, 

2410  and  yet  care;  theirs  emptie,  and  yet  merrie  :  Tis  time  that  a 
Crosse  should  beare  flesh  and  bloud,  since  flesh  and  bloud  can 
not  beare  this  crosse. 

I   iij  GREX- 


[70]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

GREX. 

Mil.  [What  will  he  hang  himselfe?  2280 

24i5      Cor. \Faith    I,    it    seemes    his    Prognostication    has    not   kept 

itouch  with  him,  and  that  makes  him  despaire. 
Mit.  \Beshrow  me,  he  wil  be  out  of  his  Humor  then  indeed. 
Sord.  Tut,  these  star-monger   knaues,  who  would  trust  'hem? 
one  saies,  darke  and  rainie,  when  'tis  as  cleare  as  Christall;  ano- 
2420  ther  saies,  tempestuous  blasts,  and   stormes,  and  'twas  as  calme 
as  a  Milke  bowle;  here  be  sweet  rascals  for  a  man  to  credite  his 
whole   fortunes  with:  You   skie-staring  Cocks  combes  you:   you 
fat  braines,    out  upon  you;   you    are    good   for  nothing   but  to 
sweat     nightcaps    and    make    rug-gownes    deare  :   you    learned 
2425  men,  and  haue  not  a  Legion  of  Deuils,  a  vostre  seruice:  a  vostre  ser 
uice?  By  heauen  I  thinke  I  shall  die  a  better  scholler  than  they, 
but  soft,  how  now  sirah.  Enter  a  Hind  with  a  letter. 

Hind.  Here's  a  letter  come  from  your  Sonne  sir. 
Sord.   From   my   Sonne  sir?  what  would  my  Sonne  sir?  some 
2430  good  newes  no  doubt.  The  letter. 

Sweet  and  deare  father, (desiring  you  first  to  send  me  your  blessing , which  2298 
is  more  worth  to  tnethanGoldorSiluer}Idesireyoulikewiseto  be  aduertised, 
that  this Shrouetide  (contrarie  to  custome]  weevse  alwaies  to  haue  Revels', 
whichis  indeed  Dancing  tand  makes  an  excellent  shew  in  lruth\especially  if 
2435  weGentlemen  bee  well  attir'd,  which  our  Seniors  note, and  thinke  the  better 
of  our  fathers,  the  better  we  are  maintained,  and  thatfhey  shall  knowifthey 
come  vp.and  haue  any  thing  to  do  in  the  Law:therfore  goodFather, these  are 
(for  your  own  sake  as  wel  as  mine]  to  re-desire  you, that  you  let  me  not  want 
that  which  is  fit  for  the  setting  vp  of  our  name  in  the  honourable  vohtmeof 
2440  Gentilitie,  that  I  may  say  to  our  Columnators  with  Tullie,  EGO  SV  M 
ORTVS  DOMVS  ME^E,  TV  OCCASSUS  TV^.  And  thus 
(not  doubting  of  your  fatherly  Beneuolence]  I  humbly  ask  you  blessing,  and 
pray  God  to  blesse  you.  Yours,  if  his  owne. 

How's  this?  Yours,  if  his  owne?  is  he  not  my  Sonne,  except  he  bee 
2445  his  owne  Sonne.   Belike  this  is  some  new  kind  of  subscription 
the    Gallants    vse.    Well,   wherefore    doest    thou    stay    knaue? 
Away  :  goe.  Exit  Hind. 

Here's  a  letter  indeed  ;  Reuels?  and  benevolence?  is  this  a  wea 
ther 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [71] 

ther  to  send  beneuolence?  or  is  this  a  season  to  reuell  in?  S'lid  23i5 
2460  the  Deuill  and  all  takes  part  to  vexe  mee  I  thinke  :  this  letter 
would  neuer  haue  come  now  else,  now,  now,  when  the  sunne 
shines,  and  the  aire  thus  cleare.  Soule  if  this  hold,  wee  shall 
shortly  haue  an  excellent  crop  of  Corne  spring  out  of  the  high 
waies,  the  Streets,  and  Houses  of  the  town  will  be  hid  with  the 
2455  rankenesse  of  the  fruits  that  grow  there  in  spight  of  good  Hus- 
bandrie.  Goe  to,  He  preuent  the  sight  of  it,  come  as  quickly  as 
it  can,  I  will  preuent  the  sight  of  it.  I  haue  this  remedie  Heauen: 
stay ;  He  trie  the  paine  thus  a  little,  O,  nothing,  nothing.  Well 
now  :  shall  my  sonne  gaine  a  beneuolence  by  my  death?  or  any 
bodie  be  the  better  for  my  Gold  or  so  forth?  No.  Aliue  I  kept  it 
from  'hem,  and  (dead)  my  ghost  shall  walke  about  it  and  pre- 
serue  it,  my  Sonne  and  Daughter  shall  sterue  ere  they  touch  it, 
I  haue  hid  it  as  deepe  as  Hell  from  the  sight  of  Heauen,  and  to 
it  I  goe  now.  Fals  off. 

2466  Enter  Rustici,  5  or  6,  one  after  another.  Act.III.Sc.8. 

Rust,  i  Aye  me,  what  pitifull  sight  is  this?  helpe,  helpe,  helpe. 

Rust.  2  How  now?  what's  the  matter? 

Rust,    i   O   here's    a   man    has   hang'd   himselfe,   helpe  to    get 
him  againe. 

2470      Rust.  2  Hang'd  himselfe?  Slid   carry  him  afore  a  Justice,  'tis 
chance  medley  on  my  word. 

Rust.  3  How  now,  what's  here  to  doe? 

Rust.  4  How  comes  this? 

Rust.  2  One  has  executed  himselfe   contrarie  to  the  order  of 
2475  Law,  and  by  my  consent  he  shall  answer't. 

Rust.  5  Would  he  were  in  case  to  answere  it. 

Rust,  i  Stand  by,  he  recouers,  giue  him  breath. 

Sord.  Oh. 

Rust.  5  Masse,  'twas  well  you  went  the  footway  neighbour. 

Rust,  i  I,  and  I  had  not  cut  the  halter. 

Sord.  How  ?  cut  the  halter?  Aye  mee,  I  am  vndone,  I  am  vn-  2345 
done. 

Rust.  2.  Marry  if  you  had  not  beene  vndone,  you  had  beene 
hang'd  I  can  tell  you. 

Sord.  You 


[72]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

2,485      Sord.  You  thredhare  horse-bread  eating  rascals,  if  you  would  2848 
needs  haue  been    medling,   could  you   not  haue   vntied   it,   but 
you  must  cut  it?  and  in  the  midst  too?  Aye  me. 

Rust.  I  Out  on  mee,  'tis  the  Caterpiller  Sordido\  how  cursed 
are  the  poore,  that  the  viper  was  blest  with  this  good  fortune  ? 
2490      Rust.  2  Nay  how  accurst  art  thou,  that  art  cause  to  the  curse 
of  the  poore? 

Rust.  3  I,  and  to  saue  so  wretched  a  Caytife. 
Rust.  4  Curst  be  thy  fingers  that  loos'd  him. 
Rust.  2  Some  desperate  furie  possesse  thee,  that  thou  maiest 
2495  hang  thy  selfe  too.  (monster. 

Rust.  5  Neuer  maiest  thou  be  sau'd,  that  sau'd   so  damn'd  a 
Sord.  What  curses  breathe  these  men  ?  how  haue  my  deeds       236o 
Made  my  lookes  differ  from  another  mans, 
That  they  should  thus  detest,  and  loth  my  life? 
25oo  Out  on  my  wretched  Humor,  it  is  that 

Makes  me  thus  monstrous  in  true  humane  eies. 
Pardon  me  (gentle  friends)  I'le  make  faire  mends 
For  my  foule  errors  past,  and  twentie-fold 
Restore  to  all  men,  what  with  wrong  I  rob'd  them  : 
25o5  My  Barnes  and  Garners  shall  stand  open  still 
To  all  the  poore  that  come,  and  my  best  graine 
Be  made  almes-bread  to  feed  halfe-famisht  mouths. 
Though  hetherto  amongst  you  I  haue  liu'd 
Like  an  vnsauorie  Muck-hill  to  my  selfe, 
25io  Yet  now  my  gather'd  heapes  being  spread  abroad, 
Shall  turne  to  better,  and  more  fruitfull  vses. 
Blesse  then  this  man,  curse  him  no  more  for  sauing 
My  life  and  soule  together.  O  how  deepely 
The  bitter  curses  of  the  poore  do  pierce! 
25i5  I  am  by  wonder  chang'd;  come  in  with  me 
And  witnesse  my  repentance:  now  I  proue, 
,,  No  life  is  blest,  that  is  not  grac't  with  Loue.  Exit. 

Rust.  2  O  miracle!  see  when  a  man  has  grace. 
Rust.  3  Had't  not  been  pitie  so  good  a  man  should  haue  ben 
cast  away? 

Rust.  2  Well, 


QUARTO]  Euerj  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [y3J 

Rust.  2  Well,  I'le   get  our  Clarke   put  his   conuersion  in  the  2884 
Chronicle. 

Rust.  4  Doe,  for  I  warrant  him  hee's  a  vertuous  man. 

Rust.  O  God  how  he  wept  if  you  mark't  it:  did  you  see  how 
2525  the  teares  trill'd? 

Rust.  5   Yes   beleeue   mee;    like    maisters  Vicars   bowles   vpon 
the  greene,  for  all  the  world. 

3   or  4.    O   neighbour,    God's   blessing  your    heart    neighbour, 
'twas  a  good  gratefull  deed.  Exeunt. 

253o  GREX. 

Cord.  How  now  Mitis?  what's  that  you  consider  so  seriously?  2894 
Mit.  Troth,  that  which   doth  essentially  please  mee:  the  war 
ping    condition    of   this    greene    and    soggie    multitude:    but    in 
good   faith   Signior,   your  Author   hath   largely   outstript  my  ex- 
2535  pectation  in  this  Scene,  I  will  liberally  confesse  it.   For  when  I 
saw  Sordido  so  desperately  intended,  I  thought  I  had  had  a  hand 
of  him  then.  (indeed? 

Cord.   What?  you   suppos'd  hee    should   haue  hung  himselfe 
Mit.  I   did;   and  had  fram'd  my  objection  to  it  readie,  which 
2540  may  yet  be  very  fitly  vrg'd,  &  with  some  necessitie:  for  though 
his  purpos'd  violence    lost    th'effect,    &  extended   not  to   death, 
yet  the  Intent  and  Horror  of  the  object  was  more  than  the  na 
ture  of  a  Comedie  will  in  any  sort  allow. 

Cord.  I  ?  what  thinke  you  of  Plautus  in  his  Comedie  called 
2545  Cistellaria  there?  where  he  brings  \nAlcesimarchusw\t\].  a  drawne 
sword  readie  to  kill  himselfe,  and  as  hee  is  e'ne  fixing  his  breast 
vpon  it,  to  bee  restrain'd  from  his  resolu'd  outrage  by  Sileninm 
and  the  Bawd:  is  not  his  authoritie  of  power  to  giue  our  Scene 
approbation? 

255o  Mit.  Sir,  I  haue  this  (your  only)  euasion  left  mee,  to  say,  / 
thinke  it  bee  so  indeed,  your  memorie  is  happier  than  mine:  but  I  won 
der  what  engine  he  will  vse  to  bring  the  rest  out  of  their  Hu 
mors? 

Cord.   That  will   appeare   anone,  neuer  preoccupie  your  ima- 
2555  gination    withall.    Let    your    mind    keepe    companie    with    the 

K  Scene 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[74]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Scene  stil,  which  now  remoues  it  selfe  from  the  Countrie  to  the 

Court.  Here  comes  Macilcnte  and   Signior  Briske  freshly  suted, 

loose  not   your  selfe,  for  now  the  Epitasis  or  busie  part  of  our 

Subject  is  in  Action. 
256o  SCENA   TERTIA. 

Enter  Macilente,  Briske,  Cinedo,  with  Tabacco. 
Fast.   Well   now   Signior  Macilente,   you   are    not  onely  wel-  Act. III. Sc 

come  to  the  Court,  but  also  to  my  mistresse  with  drawing  cha- 

ber:  Boy  get  me  some.  Tabacco,  He  but  goe  in,  and  shew  I  am 
2565  here,  and  come  to  you  presently  sir.  Exit. 

Mac.  What's  that  he  said?  by  heauen  I  markt  him  not, 

My  thoughts,  and  I  were  of  another  world; 

I  was  admiring  mine  owne  ontside  here, 

To  thinke  what  priuileclge  and  palme  it  beares 
2570  Here  in  the  court:  Be  a  man  ne're  so  vile 

In  wit,  in  judgement,  manners,  or  what  else; 

If  he  can  purchase  but  a  Silken  couer, 

He  shall  not  only  passe,  but  passe  regarded  : 

W^hereas  let  him  be  poore  and  meanely  clad, 
25?5  Though  ne're  so  richly  parted;  you  shall  haue 

A  fellow  (that  knowes  nothing  but  his  Beefe  2*35 

Or  how  to  rince  his  clammie  guts  in  beere) 

Will  take  him  by  the  shoulders  or  the  throte, 

And  kicke  him  downe  the  staires.  Such  is  the  state 
258o  Of  vertue  in  bad  Cloths,  ha,  ha,  ha,1  ha, 

That  Raiment  should  be  in  such  high  request? 

How  long  shoud  I  be  ere  I  should  put  off 

To  my  Lord  Chancelors  tombe,  or  the  Shriues  posts? 

By  heauen  (I  thinke)  a  thousand  thousand  yeare, 
2585  His  Grauitie,  his  wisdome,  and  his  faith, 

To  my  dread  Soueraigne  (graces  that  suruiue  him) 

These  I  could  well  endure  to  reuerence, 

But  not  his  Tombe,  no  more  than  He  commend 

The  Chappell  Organ  for  the  guilt  without, 
25go  Or  this  bace  Violl  for  the  varnisht  face.  Enter  Fast. 

Fast.  In  faith  I  haue  made  you  stay  somewhat  long  sir,  but  is 

my 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [78] 

my  Tobacco  readie  boy? 
Cine.  \  Sir. 

Fast.  Giue  me,  my  mistresse  is  vpon  comming,  you  shall  see  2488 
25g5  her  presently  sir,  (Tab.}  you'le  say  you  neuer  accosted  a  more 
piercing  wit.  This  Tabacco  is  not  dried  Boy,  or  else  the  Pipe's 
defectiue.    Oh,    your  wits   of  Italic    are    nothing  comparable  to 
her,  her  braine's  a  very  Quiuer  of  iests,  and  she  do's  dart  them 
abroad    with    that    sweet   loose    and    judiciall    aime,    that    you 
2600  would  —  here  she  comes  sir. 

Enter  Sauiolina,  and  goes  in  againe. 
Mac.  'Twas  time,  his  inuention  had  been  bogd  else. 
Saui.  Giue  me  my  fanne  there. 
Mac.  How  now  Mounsieur  Briske? 

26o5  Fast.  A  kind  of  affectionate  reuerence  strikes  me  with  a  cold 
shiuering  (me  thinkes.) 

Mac.  I  like  such  tempers  well,  as  stand  before  their  Mistres 
ses  with  feare  and  trembling,  and  before  their  Maker  like  im 
pudent  mountaines. 

2610      Fast.   By  lesu,   I'ld  spend  twentie  pound  my  vauting   Horse 
stood  here  now,  she  might  see  me  doe  but  one  tricke? 
Mac.  Why  do's  she  loue  actiuitie?  2468 

Cine.  Or  if  you  had  but  your  long  stockings  on  to  bee  daun- 
cing  a  Galliard,  as  she  comes  by. 

26i5  Fast.  I  either.  O  these  stirring  humors  make  Ladies  mad  with 
desire,  she  comes.  My  good  Genius  embolden  me,  Boy  the  Pipe 
quickly.  Enter  Sauiolina. 

Mac.  What?  will  he  giue  her  musicke? 
Fast.  A  second  good  morrow  to  my  faire  mistresse. 

2620      Saui.   Faire  seruant,  He  thanke  you    a    day   hence,    when    the 
date  of  your  salutation  comes  forth. 
Fast.  How  like  you  that  answere?  is't  not  admirable? 
Mac.  I  were  a  simple  Courtier,  if  I  could  not  admire  trifles  sir. 
Fast.  Troth  sweet  Ladie  I  shal  (Tab.}  be  prepar'd  to  giue  you 
2625  thankes  for  those  thanks,  and  (Tab.}  studie  more   officious   and 
obsequious  regards  (Tab.}   to  your   faire   beauties:   (Tab.)   mend 
the  pipe  boy. 

K  ij  Mac.  I 


[76]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Mac.  I  ne're  knew  Tabacco  taken  as  a  Parenthesis  before.  2482 

Fast.  Fore  God   (sweet   Ladie)  beleeue  it,.  I  doe  honour  the 
263o  meanest  rush  in  this  chamber  for  your  loue. 

Saui.  I,  you  need  not  tell  me  that  sir,  I  do  think  you  doe  prize 
a  rush  before  my  loue. 

Mac.  Is  this  the  wonder  of  nations? 

Fast.  O,  by  lesu  pardon  me,  I  said  for  your  loue,  by  this  light; 
2635  but  it  is  the  accustomed  sharpenesse  of  your  Ingenuitie   sweet 
Mistresse  to — Masse  your  Violl  's  new  strung  me  thinkes. 

Takes  downe  the  Violl. 

Mac.  Ingenuities   I   see    his    ignorance  will  not  suffer  him  to 
slander  her;  which  he  had  done  most  notab/y,  if  he  had  said  Wit 
2640  for  Ingenuitie,  as  he  meant  it. 

Fast.  By  the  soule  of  Musicke  Ladie  (hum,  hum.} 
Saui.  Would  we  might  heare  it  once. 

Fast.  I   doe  more  adore  and  admire  your   (hum,  hum]  predo 
minant  perfections   than  (hum,   hum]   euer    I  shall    haue    power 
2645  and  facultie  to  expresse  (hum.) 

Saui.  Vpon  the  Violl  de  Gambo  you  meane? 

Fast.  It's  miserably  out  of  tune,  by  this  hand.  2600 

Saui.  Nay  rather  by  the  fingers. 
Mac.  It  makes  good  Harmonie  with  her  wit. 
265o      Fast.  Sweet  Ladie  tune  it.  Boy  some  Tabacco. 

Mac.   Tabacco  againe?  hee  do's  court  his  mistresse  with  very 
exceeding  good  changes. 

Fast.  Signior  Macilente,  you  take  none  sir?  (Tab.) 
Mac.  No,  vnlesse  I  had  a  mistresse  Signior,  it  were  a  great  In- 
2655  decorum  for  me  to  take  Tabacco. 

Fast.  How  like  you  her  wit?  (Tab.) 
Mac.  Her  Ingenuitie  is  excellent  sir. 

Fast.  You  see  the  subject  of  her  sweet  ringers  there?  {Tab.) 
Oh  shee  tickles  it  so,  that  (Tab.)  shee  makes  it  laugh  most 
2660  Diuinely;  (Tab.)  He  tell  you  a  good  jeast  now,  and  your  selfe 
shall  say  it's  a  good  one:  I  haue  wisht  my  selfe  to  bee  that  In 
strument  (I  thinke)  a  thousand  times,  and  not  so  few,  by  Hea- 
uens  (Tab.) 

Mad.  Not 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [77] 

Mac.  Not  vnlike  Sir:  but  how?  to  be  cas'd  vp  and  hung  by  25i6 
2665  on  the  wall? 

Fast.  O,  no  sir,  to  be  in  vse  I   assure  you;  as  your  judicious 
eyes  may  testifie.  (Tab.) 
Sam.  Here  Seruant,  if  you  will  play,  come. 

Fast.  Instantly,  sweet  Ladie  (Tab.)   In  good  faith  here's  most 
2670  Diuine  Tabacco. 

Said.  Nay,  I  cannot  stay  to  Daunce  after  your  Pipe. 
Fast.   Good,  my  deare  Ladie  stay:  by  this  sweete   Smoake,   I 
thinke  your  wit  be  all  fire.  (Tab.} 

Mac.  And  hee's  the  Salamander  that  Hues  by  it. 

2675      Saui.    Is  your   Tabacco   perfum'd  Sir?  that  you  sweare  by  the 
sweet  Smoake. 

Fast.    Still    more    excellent:   before    God,    and    these    bright 
Heauens)   I  thinke  (Tab.}  you  are  made   of  Ingenuitie,   I.  (Tab.} 

Mad.  True,  as  your  discourse  is:  O  abhominable!  253i 

2680      Fast.  Will  your  Ladiship  take  any? 

Saui.  O,  peace  I  pray  you;  I  loue  not  the  breath  of  a  Woodcocks 
Fast.  Meaning  my  head,  Ladie?  (head. 

Saui.  Not  altogither  so  Sir;  but  (as  it  were  Fatall  to  their  fol 
lies  that  thinke  to  grace  themselues  with  taking  Tabacco,  when 
2685  they  want  better    entertainment)    you  see   your  Pipe  beares  the 
true  forme  of  a  Woodcockes  head. 
Fast.  O  Admirable  Similel 
Saui.  'Tis  best  leauing  you  in  Admiration,  Sir. 

Exit  Sauiolina. 

2690  Mac.  Are  these  the  admired  Lady-wits,  that  hauing  so  good 
a  Plaine-song,  can  runne  no  better  Diuision  vpon  it.  S'heart, 
all  her  j easts  are  of  the  stampe  March  was  fifteene  yeeres  agoe. 
Is  this  the  Comet  Monsieur  Fasttdius,  that  your  Gallants  wonder 
at  so? 

2695      Fast.    Heart   of   a   Gentleman    to   neglect  mee   afore   presence  2846 
thus:  Sweet  Sir,  I  beseech  you  be  silent  in  my  disgrace;-  By  lesu, 
I  neuer  was  in  so  vile  a  Humor  in  my  life,  and  her  wit  was  at  the 
floud  too,  Report  it  not  for  a  million  good  sir;  let  me  be  so  farre 
endear'd  to  your  loue.  Exeunt. 

K  iij  GREX. 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2700  G  R  E  X. 

Mit.    What    followes    next,   Signior    Cordatus?  this    Gallants  z55r 
Humour  is  almost   spent  me  thinkes,  it  ebbes  apace,  with  this 
contrarie  breath  of  his  mistresse. 

Cord.  O,  but  it  will  flow  againe  for  all  this,  till  there  come  a 
2705  generall  drought  of  Humor  among  all  our  Actors,   and   then   I 
feare  not  but  his  will  fall  as  low  as  any.  See  who  presents  him- 
selfe  here? 

Mit.  What,  i'the  old  case? 

Cord.  Yfaith,  which    makes   it    the   more   pitifull;   you   vnder- 
2710  stand  where  the  Scene  is? 

ACTUS     QU.ARTUS,     SCENA     PRIM  A.  Act.IV.Sc.l 

Enter  Fungoso,  Fallace  following  him. 
Fall.  Why  are  you  so  Melancholly  brother? 
Fun.  I  am  not  melancholly  I  thanke  you  Sister. 

27l5  Fall.  Why  are  you  not  merry  then?  there  are  but  two  of  vs 
in  all  the  world,  and  if  we  should  not  be  comforts  to  one  ano 
ther,  God  helpe  vs. 

Fun.  Faith,  I  cannot  tell  Sister,  but  if  a  man  had  any  true  Me 
lancholly  in   him,   it  would   make  him   melancholly,   to   see    his 
2720  yeomanly   father  cut  his   neighbours  throats  to  make  his   sonne 
a  Gentleman:  and  yet  when  hee  has  cut  'hem,  hee  will  see  his 
sonnes  throat  cut  too,  ere  he  make  him  a  true  Gentleman  in 
deed,  before  Death  cut  is  owne  throat.  I  must  be  the  first  Head 
of  our  house,  and  yet  hee  will  not  giue  mee  the  head,  till  I  be 
2726  made  so.  Is  any  man  tearm'd  a  Gentleman  that  is  not  alwayes 
i'the  fashion?  I  would  know  but  that. 

Fall.  If  you  be  melancholly  for  that  brother,  I  thinke  I  haue 
as  much  cause  to  be  melancholly,  as  one;  for  Tie  be  sworne  I 
Hue  as  litle  in  the  fashion,  as  any  woman  in  London.  By  the  Bi- 
273o  ble  of  heauen  (beast  that  I  am  to  say  it)  I  haue  not  one  friend 
i'the  world  besides  my  husband.  When  saw  you  Master  Fasti- 
dius  Briske,  Brother? 

Fung.  But  a  while  since  Sister,   I  thinke,  I  know  not  well  in 
truth.  By  Gods  lid  I  could  fight  with  all  my  heart  me  thinkes. 

Fall.  Nay 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [79] 

2735      Fall.  Nay  good  Brother,  be  not  resolute. 

Fun.  I  sent  him  a  letter,  and  he  writes  me  no  answer  neither. 

Fall.  Oh  sweet  Fastidius  Briske,  O  fine  Courtier,  thou  art  hee 

mak'st  me  sigh  and  say,  How  blessed  is  that  woman  that  hath  a 

Courtier  to  her  husband?  and  how  miserable  a  dame  she  is  that 

2740  hath  neither  husband  nor  friend  in  the  Court:  O  sweet  Fastidius •, 
O  fine  Courtier.  How  comely  hee  bowes  him  in  his  courtesie? 
how  full  he  hits  a  woman  betwixt  the  lips  when  he  kisses?  how 
vpright  he  sits  at  the  table?  how  daintily  he  carues?  how  sweet 
ly  he  talkes,  and  tels  newes  of  this  Lord,  and  of  that  Lady?  how 

2746  cleanly  he  wipes  his  spoon  at  euery  spoonfull  of  any  whit-meat 
he  eats,  and  what  a  neat  case  of  picktoothes  he  carries  about 
him  still?  O  sweet  Fastidius,  O  fine  Courtierl 

Enter  Deliro  with  Musitians.  Act.IV.Sc.2. 

Deli.  See,  yonder  she  is  Gentlemen,  now  (as  euer  you'le  bear 
2760  the  name  of  Musitians}  touch  your  instruments  sweetly,  she  has 
a  delicate  eare,  1  tell  you,  play  not  a  false  note  I  beseech  you. 
Music.  Feare  not  Signior  Deliro. 

Deli.   O   begin,   begin,   some    sprightly   thing;   Lord,   how   my 
imagination  labours  with  the  successe    of   it:    well    said,    good 
2755  yfaith,  heauen  graunt   it  please  her,  I'le  not  be  scene,  for  then 
shee'le  be  sure  to  dislike  it. 

Fall.  Heyda,  this  is  excellent,  Tie  lay  my  life  this  is  my  hus 
bands   dotage,    I   thought    so,    nay    neuer    play    peeke-boe    with 
me,   I  know  you  do  nothing  but  studie  how  to  anger  me  sir. 
2760      Deli.  Anger  thee,   sweet  wife?  why  didst  thou   not    send  for 
Musitians  to  supper  last  night  thy  selfe? 

Fall.  To  Supper  Sir?  now  come  vp  to  Supper  I  beseech  you: 

as    though    there    were    no    difference    betweene    Supper  time 

when  folkes  should  be  merrie,   and  this  time  when  they  would 

2765  be  Melancholly?  I  would  neuer  take  vpon   me    to  take    a  wife, 

if  I  had  no  more  indgement  to  please  her. 

Deli.  Be  pleas'd  sweet  wife,  and  they  shall  ha'  done:  &  would 
to  Christ  my  life  were  done,  if  I  can  neuer  please  thee. 
Exit  Musitians.         Enter  Macilente. 

Mac.  God 


[80]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2770      Mad.  God  saue  you  Ladie;  where  is  Master  Deliro?  26i5 

Deli.  Here,   Master  Madlente:  you'r  welcome  from  the  Court 

Sir;    no    doubt    you    haue    been   grac't  exceedingly    of    Master 

Briskes  Mistresse,  and  the  rest  of  the  Ladies  for  his  sake? 

Mac.  Alas,  the  poore  Phantasticke,  hee's  scarse  knowne 
2775  To  any  Lady  there:  and  those  that  know  him, 

Know  him  the  simplest  man  of  all  they  know: 

Deride,  and  play  vpon  his  amorous  Humors, 

Though  he  but  Apishly  doth  imitate 

The  Gallans't  Courtiers,  kissing  Ladies  Pumps, 
2780  Holding  the  Cloth  for  them,  praising  their  Wits, 

And  seruilely  obseruing,  euery  one, 

May  doe  them  pleasure:  Fearefull  to  be  scene 

With  any  man  (though  he  be  ne're  so  worthy) 

That's  not  in  grace  with  some  that  are  the  greatest. 
2785  Thus  Courtiers  doe,  and  these  he  counterfeits, 

But  sets  not  such  a  sightly  carriage 

Vpon  their  vanities,  as  they  themselues; 

And  therefore  they  despise  him:  for  indeed 

Hee's  like  a  Zani  to  a  Tumbler, 
2/90  That  tries  trickes  after  him  to  make  men  laugh. 

Fall.  Here's   an   vnthankfull   spitefull   wretch:   the  good   Gen-  2686 

tleman    vouchsaft    to    make    him    his    companion    (because    my 

husband  put  him  into  a  few   Rags)   and   now  see  how  the  vn- 

rude  Rascall  backbites  him. 
2795      Deli.   Is  he  no  more  grac't  amongst  'hem   then?  say  you? 

Mac.  Faith  like  a  pawne  at  Chesse,  fills  vp  a  roume,  that's  all. 
Fall.  O  monster  of  men!  can  the  Earth  beare  such  an  enuious 

Caitiffe? 

Deli.   Well,  I   repent   me    I  e're   credited   him   so  much:   but 
2800  (now  I  see  what  he  is,  and  that  his  masking  vizor  is  off)  Fie  for- 

beare  him  no  longer,  all  his  lands  are  morgag'd  to  me,  and  for 
feited:  besides,  I  haue  Bonds  of  his  in  my  hand  for  the  receit  of 

now  xx  pound,  now  xxx,  now  xxv:  still  as  he  has  had  a  Fanne 

but  wagg'd  at  him,  he  would  be  in  a  new  Sute.  Well,  Fie  salute 
28o5  him  by  a  Sergeant,  the  next  time  I  see  him  yfaith,  Fie  Suit  him. 

Mad. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [81] 

Mac.  Why,  you  may  soon  see  him  Sir,  for  he  is  to  meet  Sig-  265o 
nior  Puntarvolo  at  a  Notaries  by  the  Exchange  presently,  where  he 
meanes  to  take  vp  vpon  returne. 

Fall.  Now  out  vpon  thee  ludas;  canst  thou  not  be  content  to 
2810  backbite  thy  friend,  but  thou  wilt  betray  him?  wilt  thou   seeke 
the  vndoing  of  any  man?  and  of  such  a  man  too?  and  will  you 
Sir  get  your  liuing  by  the  counsell  of  Traitors? 

Deli.  Deare  wife,  haue  patience. 

Fall.  The  house  will  fall,  the  ground  will  open,  &  swallow  vs: 
28i5  Tie  not  bide  here  for  all  the  Gold  and  Siluer  in  Heauen.  Exit. 

Deli.  O  good  Macilente,  let's   follow  and  appease  her,  or  the 
Peace  of  my  life  is  at  an  end.  Exit. 

Mad.   Now  Pease,  and  not   Peace  feed  that  life,  whose  head 
hangs  so  heauily  ouer  a  womans  Manger.  Exit. 

2820  Enter  Fallace  running,  at  another  dore,  and  claps  it  too. 

Fall.  Helpe  me  brother:  Gods  body  and  you  come  here,  Tie  2664 
do  my  selfe  a  mischiefe. 

Deli.  Nay,  heare  me  sweet  wife,  vnlesse  thou  wilt  haue  me  go, 
I  will  not  go.  Within. 

2825  Fall.  Tut,  you  shall  ne're  ha'  that  vantage  of  me,  to  say  you 
are  vndone  by  me:  I'le  not  bid  you  stay,  I.  Brother,  sweet  bro 
ther,  here's  foure  Angels,  I'le  giue  you  toward  your  Sute;  for 
the  loue  of  lesu,  and  as  euer  you  came  of  Christen  creature, 
make  hast  to  the  water  side  (you  know  where  Master  Fastidius 
283o  vses  to  land)  and  giue  him  warning  of  my  husbands  intent;  and 
tell  him  of  that  leane  Rascals  treacherie:  O  lesu,  how  my  flesh 
rises  at  him?  nay,  sweete  brother  make  hast;  you  may  say  I 
would  haue  writ  to  him,  but  that  the  necessitie  of  the  time 
would  not  suffer  it:  He  cannot  choose  but  take  it  extraordi- 
2835  narily  from  me:  and  Commend  me  to  him  good  brother:  say 
I  sent  you.  Exit. 

Fung.  Let   me  see;  these  foure  Angels:    and   then  fortie  shil 
lings  more  I  can  borrow    on   my  Gowne    in     Fetter-lane:   well, 
I  will  goe  presently,  say  on  my  Sute,  pay  as  much  money  as  I 
2840  haue,  and  sweare  my  selfe  into  Credit  with  my  Taylor  for  the 
rest.  Exit. 

L  S  CEN  A 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[82]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

SCENA    SECUNDA. 
Enter  Deliro,  with  Macilente,  speaking  as  they  passe 

oner  the  Stage. 

2845      Deli.  O,  on  my  Soule  you  wrong  her,  Macilente,  2682 

Though  she  be  froward,  yet  I  know  shee  is  honest. 

Mac.  Well,   then    haue   I    no  judgement;   would   any  woman 
(but  one  that  were  wild  in   her  affections)  haue  broke  out  into 
that  immodest  nnd  violent  Passion  against  her  husband?  or  is't 
285o  possible— 

Deli.  If  you  loue  me,  forbeare;  all  the  Arguments  i'the  world 
shall  neuer  wrest  my  heart  to  beleeue  it.  Exeunt. 

GREX. 

Cord.  How  like  you  the  Deciphering  of  his  Dotage? 
2855      Mit.  O,  strangely;  and  of  the  others  Enuie  too,  that  labours 
so  seriously  to  set  debate  betwixt  a  man  and  his  wife.  Stay,  here 
comes  the  Knight  Aduenturer. 

Cord.  I,  and  his  Scriuener  with  him. 

SCENA    TERTIA.  Act.IV.Sc. 

2860  Enter  Puntarvolo,  Notarie,  with  Seruingmen. 

Punt.  I  wonder  Monsieur  Fastidius  comes  not!  but  Notarie, 
if  thou  please  to  draw  the  Indentures  the  while,  I  will  giue 
thee  the  Theorie. 

Not.  With  all  my  heart  Sir;  and  i'le  fall  in  hand  with  'hem 
2865  presently. 

Punt.  Well  then,  first;  the  Swnme  is  to  be  vnderstood. 
Not.  Good,  sir. 

Punt.  Next,  our  seuerall  Appellations,  and  Character  of  my  Dog 
and  Cat  must  be  knowne:  shew  him  the  Cat  Sirrah. 
2870      Not.  So  sir. 

Punt.  Then,  that  the  intended  Point,  is  the  Turkes  Court  in 
Constantinople:  the   Time  limited  for  our  returne,   a  yeere:   and 
that  if  either  of  vs  miscarrie,  the  whole  Venter  is  lost.  These  are 
Generall;  conceiu'st  thou?  or  if  either  of  vs  turne  Turque. 
2875      Not.  I  Sir. 

Pun.  Now  for  Particulars:  that  I  may  make  my  trauailes  by 

Sea 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [83] 

Sea  or  Land  for  my  best  liking:  and  that  (hiring  a  Coach  for  my 
selfe)  it  shall  be  lawfull  for  my  Cat  and  Dog  to  ride  with  me  in 
the  said  Coach. 
2880      Not.  Very  good  Sir. 

Punt.  That  I  may  choose  to  giue  my  Dogge  or  Cat  Fish,  for  2716 
feare    of   Bones,    or   any    other   Nutriment,   that  (by  the  judge 
ment  of  the  most  Autenticall  Physicians  where  I  trauaile)  shall 
be  thought  dangerous. 
2885      Not.  Well  Sir. 

Pun.  That  (after  the  receit  of  his  mony)  he  shall  neither  in  his 
own  person,  nor  any  other,  either  by  direct  or  indirect  meanes; 
as  Magique,  Witchcraft,  or  other  such  Exoticke  Arts,  attempt,  pra 
ctise,  or  complot  any   thing,  to  the  prejudice  of  Mee,  my  Dog, 
2890  or  my  Cat:  Neither  shall  I  vse  the  helpe  of  any  such  Sorceries 
or   Enchantments;    as   Vnctions,  to   make   our    skins    impenetra 
ble,  or  to  trauaile  inuisible  by  vertue  of  a  Pouder,  or  a  Ring,  or 
to  hang  any  three  forked  Charme  about  my  Dogs  neck,  secret 
ly   conuey'd   into   his   Collar:    vnderstand  you?  but  that   all  bee 
2895  performed,  sincerely,  without  fraud  or  Imposture. 
Not.  So  sir. 

Punt.    That  (for  testimonie  of  the  Performance)    my   selfe   am 
to  bring  thence  a  Turks  Mustachio,  my  Dog  a  Hares  lip,  and  my 
Cat  the  traine  or  taile  of  a  Rat. 
2900      Not.  'Tis  done  Sir. 

Punt.  'Tis  said  Sir,  not  done  sir;  but  forward.  That  vpon  my  2J35 
returne  and  landing   on  the   Tower  wharfe    with   the   aforesaid 
Testimonie,  I  am  to  receiue  fiue  for  one,  according  to  the  pro 
portion  of  the  summes  put  forth. 
2905      Not.  Well  Sir. 

Punt.   Prouided,  that  if  before  our  departure  or  setting  forth, 
either  my  selfe,  or  these  be  visited  with  sicknesse  or  any  other 
casuall   euent,  so  that  the   whole   course  of  the  Aduenture  bee 
hindred  thereby;   that   then,    Hee   is    to   returne,    and   I    am    to 
2910  receiue    the    prenominated    Proportion,    vpon    faire    and    equall 
tearmes. 
Not.  Very  good  sir;  is  this  all? 

L  ij  Punt.  It 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Punt.  It  is  all  Sir;  and  dispatch  them  good  Notarie.  2746 

Not.  As  fast  as  is  possible  Sir.  Exit.  Enter  Carlo. 

2915      Punt.  O  Carlo,  welcome:  saw  you  Monsieur  Briske? 
Carl.  Not  I,  did  he  appoint  you  to  meet  here? 
Punt.  I,  and  I  muse  he  should  be  so  tardie:  hee  is  to  take  an 
hundred  pounds  of  me  in  venter,  if  he  maintaine  his  promise. 

Car.  Is  his  houre  past? 
2920      Punt.  Not  yet,  but  it  comes  on  apace. 

Carl.  Tut,  be  not  jealous  of  him;  he  will  sooner  breake  all 
the  ten  Commaundements,  than  his  Houre;  vpon  my  life  in 
such  a  case  trust  him. 

Punt.  Me  thinkes  Carlo,  you  looke  very  smooth?  ha? 
2925      Carl.  Why  I  come  but  now  from  a  Hothouse,  I  must  needs 
looke  smooth. 
Punt.  From  a  Hothouse? 

Carl.  I,  doe  you  make   a  wonder   on't?  why    it's    your  onely 
Phisicke.  Let  a  man  sweat  once  a  weeke  in  a  Hothouse,  and  be 
2930  well  rubd   and   froted    with  a  good    plumpe  juicie  wench,  and 
sweet  Linnen,  he  shall  ne're  ha'  the  Poxe. 
Punt.  What?  the  French  Poxe? 

Carl.  The  French  Poxe!  our  Poxe:  S'bloud  we  haue  'hem  in  2?65 
as  good  forme  as  they  man:  what? 

20,35     Punt.  Let  me  perish,  but  thou  art  a  Villaine:  was  your  new- 
created  Gallant  there  with  you?  Sogliardo? 

Carl.  O  Porpusc,  hang  him,  no:  hee's  a  Lieger  at  Homes  Ordi- 
narie  yonder:  his  villanous  Ganimede  and  hee  ha'  ben  droning 
a  Tabacco  Pipe  there,  euer  sin'  yesterday  noone. 

2940      Punt.   Who?  Signior   Tripartite,  that  would    giue   my   Dogge 
the  Whiff e? 

Carl.  I,  hee:  they  haue  hir'd  a  chamber  and  all  priuat  to  pra 
ctise  in,  for  the  making  of  the  Patoun,  the  Receit  Reciprocal^  and  a 
number  of  other  mysteries,  not  yet  extant.  I  brought  some  do- 
2945  sen  or  Iwenlie  Gallants  this  morning  to  vitw  'hem  (as  you'ld 
doe  a  piece  of  Perspectiue]  in  at  a  key-hole;  and  there  we  might 
see  Sogliardo  sit  in  a  Chaire,  holding  his  snowt  vp  like,  a  Sow  vn- 
der  an  Apple-tree,  while  th'other  open'd  his  Nostrills  with  a 

Poking- 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [85] 

Poking-sticke,  lo   giue  the  smoake  a  more  free  deliuerie.   They 
2960  had  spit  some  three  or  fourescore  ounces  betweene  'hem,  afore 
we  came  away. 

Punt.  How!  spit  three  or  fourescore  ounces?  2j83 

Carl.  I,  and  preseru'd  it  in  Porrengers,  as  a  Barber  does  his 
Blood  when  he  pricks  a  veine.  (friend? 

2g55      Punt.    Out  Pagan;   how    dost    thou   pricke  the  Vaine    of   thy 
Carl.    Friend?  Is    there   any   such  foolish   thing  i'   the    world? 
ha?  S'lid  I  ne're  rellisht  it  yet. 

Punt.  Thy  Humor  is  the  more  daungerous. 

Carl.  No  not  a  whit  Signior:  Tut,  a  man  must  keepe  time  in 
2960  all:    I    can  oyle  my  tongue   when   I   meet   him   next,    and   looke 
with  a  good  slicke  forehead;  'twill  take  away  all  soyle  of  Suspi 
cion,  and  that's  inough:  what  Lynceus  can  see  my  heart?  Pish,  the 
title  of  a  Friend,  it's  a  vaine  idle  thing,  onely  venerable  among 
fooles:  you  shall  not  haue  one  that  has  any  opinion  of  wit  affect 
2965  it.  Enter  Deliro  and  Macilente.  Act.IV.Sc-4. 

Deli.  Saue  you  good  sir  Puntarvolo. 
Punt.  Signior  Delirol  welcome. 

Deli.'Przy  you  sir,  did  you  see  Master  Fastidius  Briske?  I  heard 
he  was  to  meet  your  Worship  here. 

2970      Punt.  You  heard  no  Figment  sir,  I  doe  expect  him  euery  mi 
nute  my  Watch  strikes. 
Deli.  In  good  time  sir. 

Carl.   There's  a  fellow  now,  lookes  like  one  of  the  Patricians 
of  Sparta,  mary  his  wit's  after  ten  i'  the  hundred.  A  good  Bloud- 
2975  hound,  a  close  mouth'd  Dog,  hee  followes  the  sent  well,  marrie 
hee's  at  a  fault  now  me  thinkes. 

Punt.    I    should    wonder    at    that    Creature    is    free    from   the 
daunger  of  thy  tongue. 

Carl.  O  I  cannot  abide  these  limmes  of  Sattin,  or  rather  Sa- 

2980  than    indeed,  that'll    walke  (like  the   children   of  darkenesse)    all 

day  in  a  melancholy  shop,  with    their  pockets   full    of   Blankes, 

readie  to  swallow  vp  as  many  poore  vnthrifts,   as  come  within 

the  verge. 

Punt.  So:  and  what  hast  thou   for  him  that  is  with  him  now? 

Carl.  O 


[86]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

2g85      Car.  O  (Damne  mee)  Imtnortalitie,   He  not  meddle  with  him,  2816 
the  pure  Element  of  Fire,  all  Spirit,  Extraction. 
Punt.  How  Carlo?  ha,  what  is  he  man? 

Carl.  A  scholler,  Macilente,  doe  you   not  know  him?  a  lanke 
ra\v-bon'dAnatomiet  he  walks  vp  and  down  like  a  charg'd  Mus- 
2990  ket,  no  man  dares  encounter  him:  that's  his  Rest  there. 
Punt.  His  Rest?  why  has  he  a  forked  head? 

Carl.  Pardon  me,  that's  to  be  suspended,  you  are  too  quicke, 
too  apprehensiue. 

Deli.  Troth  (now  I  thinkt  on't)  He  defer  it  til  some  other  time. 
2995      Mad.   Gods-pretious,   not    by   any  meanes   Signior,   you  shall 
not  loose  this  opportunitie,  he  will  be  here  presently  now. 

Deli.  Yes  faith  Macilente,  'tis  best.  For  looke  you  sir,  I  shall  so 
exceedingly  offend  my  wife  in't,  that— 
Mac.    Your   wife?  now   for   shame  loose  these  thoughts,   and 
3ooo  become  the  master  of  your  own  spirits.  Should  I  (if  I  had  a  wife) 
suffer  my  self  to  be  thus  passionatly  caried  (to  and  fro)  with  the 
streame  of  her  Humor?  and  neglect  my  deepest  affairs,  to  serue 
her  affections?  Sbloud  I  would  geld  my  selfe  first. 

Deli.  O  but  Signior,  had  you  such  a  wife  as  mine  is,  you  wold—  2835 

3oo5      Mac.  Such  a  wife?  Now  God  hate  mee  sir,  if  euer  I  discern'd 

any  wonder  in  your  wife  yet,  with  all  the  Speculation   I  haue:  I 

haue  seen  some  that  ha'  ben  thought  fairer  tha  she,  in  my  time; 

and  I  haue  seen  those,  ha'  not  been  altogether  so  tall,  esteem'd 

proper  women;  and  I  haue  seen  lesse  Noses  grow  vpon  sweeter 

3oio  Faces,  that  haue  done  very  well  too   in  my  judgement:  but  in 

good  faith  Signior  for  al  this,  the  Gentlewoman  is  a  good  pret- 

tie  prowd  hard-fauour'd  thing,  marry  not  so  peerlessely  to   bee 

doted  vpon,  I  must  confesse:  nay  be  not  angrie. 

Deli.  Well   sir   (how  euer  you   please  to  forget  your  selfe)  I 
3oi5  haue  not  deseru'd  to  be  thus  plai'd  vpon,  but  henceforth,  pray 
you  forbear  my  house,  for  I  can  but  faintly   endure  the  sauor  of 
his  breath  at  my  table,  that  shal  thus  jade  me  for  my  courtesies. 
Mac.  Nay  then  Signior,  let  me  tell  you,  your  wife  is  no  pro 
per  woman  by  lesu,   and  I   suspect  her  honestie,   that's  more, 
3o2O  which  you  may  likewise  suspect  (if  you  please:)  do  you  sec?  He 

vrge 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [87] 

vrge  you   to  nothing   against  your   appetite,   but  if  you   please, 
you  may  suspect  it. 

Deli.  Good  sir.  Exit.  2882 

Mac.   Good   sir?   Now   Horne   vpon  Home   pursue  thee,  thou 
3o25  blind  egregious  Dotard. 

Carl.  O  you  shall  heare  him   speake  like  Enuie.   Signior  Maci- 
lente,  you  saw  Mounsieur  Briske  lately?  I  heard  you  were  with 
him  at  the  Court. 

Mad.  I  Buffone,  I  was  with  him. 

3o3o  Carl.  And  how  is  he  respected  there?  (I  know  youle  deale 
ingeniously  with  us)  is  he  made  of  amongst  the  sweeter  sort  of 
gallants? 

Mac.  Faith  I,  his  duet  and  his  casting  glasse, 
Haue  helpt  him  to  a  place  amongst  the  rest, 
3o35  And  there  his  Seniors  giue  him  good  sleight  lookes, 
After  their  Garbe,  smile,  and  salute  in  French 
With  some  new  complement. 
Carl.  What  is  this  all? 

Mac.  Why  say,  that  they  should  shew  the  frothie  foole,  2867 

3040  Such  grace  as  they  pretend  comes  from  the  heart, 
He  had  a  mightie  wind-fall  out  of  doubt. 
Why  all  their  Graces  are  not  to  doe  Grace 
To  vertue,  or  desert:  but  to  ride  both 

With  their  guilt  Spurres  quite  breathlesse  from  themselues. 
3045  'Tis  now  esteem'd  Precisianisms  in  wit; 
And  a  Diseasure  in  Nature  to  be  kind 
Toward  Desert,  to  Loue,  or  seeke  good  Names: 
Who  feeds  with  a  Good  name?  who  thriues  with  longing? 
Who  can  prouide  feast  for  his  owne  desires, 
3o5o  With  seruing  others?  ha,  ha,  ha: 

'Tis  follie  by  our  wisest  worldlings  prou'd 
(If  not  to  gaine  by  loue)  to  be  belou'd. 

Carl.  How  like  you  him?  is't  not  a  good  spightfull  slaue?  ha? 
Punt.  Shrewd,  shrewd. 

3o55      Car.  Dam  me,  I  could  eat  his  flesh  now:  Deuine  sweet  villain. 
Mac.  Nay,  pr'y  thee  leaue:  what's  he  there? 

Carl.  Who? 


[88]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Carl.   VVho?  this   i'   the  .starcht   Beard?  it   's   the  dull  stifle  2888 
Knight  Puntarvolo   man;  hee's   to    trauaile  now    presently:    hee 
has  a  good  knottie  wit,  marry  hee  carries  little  on't  out  of  the 
3o6o  land  with  him. 

Mac.  How  then? 

Carl.  He  puts  it  forth  in  venter,  as  he  does  his  money;  vpon 
the  returne  of  a  Dog  and  Cat. 

Mac.  1st  this  hee? 

3o65  Car.  I,  this  is  hee;  a  good  tough  Gentleman:  hee  looks  like  a 
Chine  of  Brawne  at  Shrouetide,  out  of  date,  &  readie  to  take  his 
leaue:  or  a  drie  Poule  of  Ling  vpon  Easter-eue,  that  has  furnisht 
the  Table  all  Lent,  as  hee  has  done  the  Cittie  this  last  Vacation. 

Mad.  Come,  you'le  neuer  leaue  your  stabbing  Simile's:  I  shall 
3070  ha*  you  aiming  at  me  with  hem  by  and  by,  but— 

Carl.  O,  renounce  me  then:  pure,  honest,  good  Deuill,  I  loue 
thee  aboue  the  loue  of  women:  I  could  e'ne  melt  in  Admirati 
on  oi  thee  now:  Gods  so',  looke  here  man;  Sir  Dagonet  and  his 
Squire.  Enter  Sog.  and  Shift.  Act.IV.Sc.5. 

3o75  Sog.  Saue  you  my  deare  Gallanto's:  nay,  come  approach, 
good  Caualier:  pr'y  thee  (sweet  Knight)  know  this  Gentleman, 
hee's  one  that  it  pleases  me  to  vse  as  my  good  friend  and  com 
panion;  and  therefore  doe  him  good  offices:  I  beseech  you 
Gentles,  know  him. 

3o8o      Punt.  Sir  (for  Signior  Sogliardos  sake)  let  it  suffice,  I  know  you. 
Sog.  Why  by  lesu,  I  thanke  you  Knight,  and  it  shall  suffice. 
Hearke  you  sir  Puntarvolo,  you'ld  little  thinke  it;  hee's  as  reso 
lute  a  peece  of  flesh  as  any's  i'the  world. 

Punt.  Indeed  sir? 

3o85      Sog.   Vpon  my    Gentilitie   sir:   Carlo,   a  word   with  you;   Doe 
you  see  that  same  fellow  there? 
Carl  What?  Caualier  Shift? 

Sog.  O,  you  know  him;  crie  you  mercie:  before  God,  I  think 
him  the  tallest  man  liuing  within  the  walls  of  Europe. 
3ogo      Carl.  The  walls  of  Europel  take  heed  what  you  say  Signior, 
Europe's  a  huge  thing  within  the  walls. 

Sog.   Tut,    (and   'twere  as  huge    againe)    Fid   Justine   what    I 

speake. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [89] 

speake.  S'lid  he  swagger'd  e'en  now  in  a  place  where  we  were: 
I  neuer  saw  a  man  doe  it  more  resolute. 

3og5  Carl.  Nay  indeed  swaggering  is  a  good  Argument  of  Resolution. 
Doe  you  heare  this,  Signior? 

Mac.  I,  to  my  greefe.  O  that  such  muddie  Flags  2Q25 

For  euery  drunken  flourish,  should  atchieue 
The  name  of  Manhood;  whil'st  true  perfect  Valour 
3ioo  (Hating  to  shew  it  selfe)  goes  by  despis'd. 

Sbloud,  I  doe  know  now  (in  a  faire  just  cause) 
I  dare  doe  more  than  hee ;  a  thousand  times: 
Why  should  not  they  take  knowledge  of  this?  ha? 
And  giue  my  worth  allowance  before  his? 
3lo5  Because  I  cannot  swagger.  Now  the  Poxe 
Light  on  your  Pickt-Hatch  prowesse. 

Sog.  Why  I  tell  you  Sir,  he  has  been  the  onely  Bidstand  that 
euer  was,  kept  New-market,  Salisburie  Plaine,  Hockley  i'  the  hole, 
Gads-Hill;  all  the  high  places  of  any  Request:  hee  has  had  his 
3no  Mares  and  his  Geldings  hee,  ha'  been  worth  fortie,  threescore, 
a  hundred  pound  a  Horse,  would  ha'  sprung  you  ouer  hedge 
and  ditch  like  your  Greyhound:  hee  has  done  fiue  hundred 
Robberies  in  his  time,  more  or  lesse,  I  assure  you. 

Punt.  What?  and  scapt? 

3n5  Sog.  Scapt!  Yfaith  I:  he  has  broken  the  jayle  when  hee  has 
been  in  yrons,  and  yrons;  and  been  out,  and  in  again;  and  out, 
and  in;  fortie  times  and  not  so  few,  he. 

Mac.  A  fit  Trumpet  to  proclaime  such  a  person.  2945 

Car.  But  can  this  be  possible?  (to  it. 

3l2O      Shift.  Why  'tis  nothing  sir,  when  a  man  giues  his  Affections 
Sog.  Good   Pylades   discourse   a   Robberie  or  two,  to  satisfie 
these  Gentlemen  of  thy  worth. 

Shift,  Pardon  mee  my  deare  Orestes:  Causes  haue  their  Quid- 
dits,  and  'tis  ill  jesting  with  Bell-ropes. 

3i25      Carl.  How?  Pylades  and  Orestes?  (conceit? 

Sog.  I,  he  is  my  Pylades,  and  I  am  his  Orestes:  how  like  you  the 

Carl.  O,  it's  an  old  stale  Enterlude  deuise:  No,  I'le  giue  you 

Names  my  selfe:  looke  you,  he  shall  be  your  ludas,  and  you  shal 

M  be 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[go]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

be  his  Elder  tree  to  hang  on. 

3i3o      Mac.  Nay  rather,  let  him  be  Captaine  Pod,  and  this  his  Motion;  2g58 
for  he  does  nothing  but  Shew  him. 

Carl.  Excellent:  or  thus;  you  shal  be  Holdcn,  &  he  your  Camell. 

Shift.  You  do  not  meane  to  ride  Gentlemen? 

Pitnl.  Faith  let  me  end  it  for  you  Gallants:  you   shall  be  his 
3i35  Countenance,  and  he  your  Resolution. 

Sog.  Troth  that's  prettie:  how  say  you  Caualier,  shalt  be  so? 

Carl.  I,  I,  most  voices. 

Shift.  Faith  I  am  eas'ly  yeelding  to  any  good  Impressions. 

Sog.  Then  giue  hands  good  Resolution. 

3140     Carl.  Masse  he  cannot  say  good  Countenance  now  (properly)  to 
,  .  .  v 

him  againe. 

Punt.  Yes,  by  an  Ironic. 

Mac.  O  sir,  the  countenance  of  Resolution  should,  as  hee's  al 
together  grim  and  vnpleasant.  Enter  Briskc. 
3l45      Fast.   Good   houres  make   Musicke   with    your  mirth   Gentle-  Act.IV.Sc.6. 
men,  and  keepe  times  to  your  humors:  how  now  Carlo? 

Punt.   Mounsieur  Briske\  many  a  long  looke  haue  I  extended 
for  you  sir. 

Fast.  Good  faith  I  must  craue  pardon;  I  was  inuited  this 
3l5o  morning  ere  I  was  out  of  my  bedde,  by  a  Beuie  of  Ladies,  to  a 
Banquet:  whence  it  was  almost  one  of  Hercules  Labors  for  me 
to  come  away,  but  that  the  respect  of  my  promise  did  so  pre- 
uaile  with  mee:  I  know  they'le  take  it  very  ill,  especially  one 
that  gaue  mee  this  Bracelet  of  her  Haire  but  ouer  night,  and 

3l55  this  Pearle  another  gaue  me  from  her  forehead,  Mary  she 

what?  are  the  writings  readie? 

Punt.   I  will  send  my  man  to  know.   Sirrah,   goe  you  to  the 
Notaries,  and  learne  if  he  be  readie:  leaue  the  Dog  sir. 

Exit  Seruingman. 

3i6o  Fast.  And  how  does  my  rare  qualified  friend  Sogliardo?  oh 
Signior  Macilente\  by  these  eyes  I  saw  you  not,  I  had  saluted 
you  sooner  else  on  my  troth:  I  hope  sir  I  may  presume  vpon 
you,  that  you  will  not  divulge  my  late  checke,  or  disgrace  in 
deed  sir. 

Mac.  You 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [91] 

3i65      Mac.  You  may  sir.  2gg3 

Car.   S'heart  hee   knowes    some  notorious  jest  by  this   Gull, 
that  he  hath  him  so  obsequious. 

Sog.  Mounsieur  Fastidius,  doe  you  see  this  fellow  there?  does 
hee    not    looke    like    a    Clowne?  would  you    thinke  there's   any 
8170  thing  in  him? 

Fast.  Any  thing  in   him?  beshrow  mee,  I;   the  fellow  hath   a 
good  ingenious  face. 

Sog.  By  this   Element  hee   is  an  ingenious  tall  man   as   euer 
swaggerd  about  London:  hee  and  I  call  Countenance  &  Resolution, 
3iy5  but  his  name  is  Caualier  Shift. 

Punt.  Caualier,  you  knew  Signior  Clog,  that  was  hang'd  for  the 
robberie  at  Harrow  on  the  hill? 

Sog.   Knew  him  Sir!   why  'twas  hee  gaue  all   the    directions 
for  the  Action. 
3l8o      Punt.  How?  was't  your  Project  sir? 

Shift.   Pardon  mee  Countenance,  you  doe  mee  some  wrong  to 
make  that  publicke,  which  I  imparted  to  you  in  priuat. 
Sog.  Gods  will,  here  are  none  but  friends  Resolution.  3oio 

Shift.  That's   all  one;  things  of  Consequence  must  haue  their 
3i85  respects,  where,  how,  and  to  whom.  Yes  sir,  he  shewed  himselfe 
a  true  Clogge  in  the  Coherence  of  that  affaire  sir;  for  if  he  had 
manag'd  matters  as  they  were  corroborated  to  him,  it  had  been 
better  for  him  by  a  fortie  or  fiftie  score  of  pounds  sir,  and  hee 
himselfe  might  ha'  liu'd   (in   despight  of  Fate)   to   haue  fed  on 
3190  Woodcockes  with  the  rest:  but  it  was  his  heauie  fortunes  to  sinke 
poore  Clog,  and  therefore  talke  no  more  of  him. 
Punt.  Why,  had  he  more  Agents  then? 

Sog.  O  God  sir;  I,  there  were  some  present  there,  that  were 
the  nine  Worthies  to  him  y faith. 

3ig5      Shift.  I  sir,  I  can  satisfie  you  at  more  conuenient  conference: 

but   (for    mine    owne  part)   I   haue  now  reconcil'd  my  selfe  to 

other  courses,  and  professe  a  liuing  out  of  my  other  qualities. 

Sog.  Nay,  he  has  left  all  now  (I  assure  you)  and  is  able  to  Hue 

like  a  Gentleman  by  his  Qualitie.  By  this  Dog,  he  has  the  most 

32OO  rare  gift  in  Tobacco  that  euer  you  knew. 

M  ij  Carl.  S'heart, 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Carl.  S'heart,  he  keepes  more  adoe  with  this   Monster,  than  3o2j 
euer  Battkcs  did  with  his  Horse,  or  the  Fellow  with  the  Elephant. 
Mac.  Hee  will  hang  out  his  Picture  shortly  in  a  cloath,  you 
shall  see. 

32o5      Sog.   O,   hee  do's  manage  a  quarrell  the  best  that  euer  you 
saw,  for  Termes  and  Circumstances. 

Fast.    Good    i'aith    Signior    (now    you    speake    of   a    quarrell) 
He   acquaint  you   with   a   difference   that  happened   betweene   a 
Gallant  and  my  selfe:  sir  Puntarvolo,  you  know  him  if  I  should 
3210  name  him;  Signior  Litcti  lento. 

Punt.  Luculenlol  what  inauspicious  chaunce  interpos'd  it  selfe 
betwixt  your  two  loues?  „ 

Fast.  Faith  sir,  the  same  that  sundred  Agamemnon  and  great 
Thetis  son;  but  let  the  cause  escape  Sir:  He  sent  me  a  challenge 
32l5  (mixt  with  some  few  braues)  which  I   restor'd,  and  in   fine  we 
met.  Now  indeed  Sir  (I  must  tell  you)  he  did  offer  at  first  very 
desperately,   but   without  judgement:    for  looke  you  sir.   I  cast 
my  selfe  into  this  figure:  now  he,  comes  violently  on,  and  with- 
all  advancing  his  Rapier  to  strike,  I  thought  to  haue  tooke  his 
322O  arme  (for  he  had  left  his  whole  bodie  to  my  election,  and  I  was 
sure  hee  could  not  recouer  his  guard)  Sir,  I  mist  my  purpose  in 
his  arme,   rasht  his  doublet  sleeue,   ran  him   close  b)'  the   left 
cheeke,  and  through  his  haire:  He  againe  lights  me  here,  I  had 
a  gold  Cable  hatband  then  new  come  vp,   (which  I  wore  about 
3225  a  murrey  French  Hat  I  had)  cuts  my  Hatband  (and  yet  it  was 
Massie,   gold-Smithes  worke)    cuts  my  brimmes,  which  by  good 
fortune    (being  thicke  embrodered  with  gold  twist,   and    Span 
gles)  disappointed  the  force  of  the  blow:   Neuerthelesse  it  graz'd 
on  my  shoulders,  takes  me  away  sixe  purles  of  an  Italian  cut- 
323o  worke  Band  I  wore,  cost  me  three  pounds  in  the  Exchange  but 
three  daies  before. 

Punt.  This  was  a  straunge  encounter. 

Fastid.  Nay  you   shall  heare  sir,   with  this  we  both  fell  out 

and  breath'd:    Now   (vpon  the   second   signe    of  his    assault)    I 

3235  betooke    mee    to    the    former    manner    of  my  defence;   hee    (on 

the    other   side)    abandon'd  his  bodie  to   the  same  daunger  as 

before, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

before,  and  followes  me    still  with  blowes.  But  I   (being  loth  to 

take  the   deadly  aduantage  that  lay  before  me  of  his  left    side) 

made  a  kind  of  stramazoun,  ran  him  vp  to  the  hilts,  through  the 

3240  Doublet,  through  the  Shirt,  and  yet  mist  the  skin.   He  (making 

a  reuerse  blow)  falls  vpon  my  emboss'd  girdle  (I  had  thrown  off 

the  hangers  a  little  before)  strikes  off  a  skirt  of  a  thick  lac't  sat- 

tin  Doublet  I  had  (lin'd  with  some  four  Taffataes)   cuts  off  two 

panes    embrodered    with    Pearle,    rents    through    the    drawings 

3245  out  of  Tissew,  enters  the  linings,  and  skips  the  flesh. 

Carl.  I  wonder  he  speakes  not  of  his  wrought  Shirt. 

Fast.   Here   (in  the  opinion  of  mutuall  dammage)   we   paus'd: 

but  (ere  I  proceed)   I  must  tell  you   Signior,   that   (in  this   last 

encounter)  not  hauing  leisure  to  put  off  my  siluer  Spurres,  one 

325o  of  the  rowels  catcht  hold  of  the  ruffle  of  my  Boot,  and  (being 

Spanish   leather,    and   subiect  to   teare)    ouerthrowes  me,   rends 

me  two  paire  of  silke  stockings  (that  I  put  on  being  somwhat  a 

raw  morning,  a  Peach  colour  and  another)  and  strikes  me  some 

halfe  inch  deep  into  the  side  of  the  Calfe:  He  (seeing  the  bloud 

3a55  come)   presently  takes  horse  and  away.  I  (hauing  bound  vp  my 

wound  with  a  piece  of  my  wrought  Shirt) 

Car.  O  comes  it  there? 

Fast.  Rid  after  him,  &  (lighting  at  the  Court  gate  both  togi- 
ther)  embrac'd  and  marcht  hand  in  hand  vp  into  the   Presence. 
326o      Mac.  Well,  by  this   we  can  gesse  what  apparell  the  Gentle 
man  wore. 

Punt.  'Fore  God  it  was  a  designment  begun  with  much  reso-  3o83 
lution,  maintain'd  with  as  much  prowesse,   &   ended  with  more 
humanitie.   How  now,  what  sayes  he? 
3265  His  seruingman  enters. 

Seruing.  The  Notarie  saies  he  is  ready  sir,  he  stayes  but  your 
Worships  pleasure. 

Punt.  Come,  we   will   go   to   him    Monsieur.   Gentlemen,   shall 
we  entreat  you  to  be  witnesses. 

3270      Sog.  You  shall  entreat  me  sir,  come  Resolution. 
Shift.  I  follow  you  good  Countenance. 
Carl.  Come  Signior,  come,  come. 

M  iij  Mac.  O 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Mad.  O,  that  there  should  be  fortune  3o$2 

To  cloath  these  men,  so  naked  in  desert, 
3275  And  that  the  iust  Storme  of  a  wretched  life, 

Beats  'hem  not  ragged  for  their  wretched  Soules, 

And  since  as  fruitlesse,  euen  as  black  as  coles.  Exit. 

GR  E  X. 

Mil.  Why  but  Signior,  how  comes  it  that  Fungoso  appear'd 
328o  not  with  his  sisters  intelligence  to  Briske. 

Cord.  Marrie  long  of  the  euill  Angels  that  shee  gaue  him,  who 

haue    indeed    tempted    the    good    simple    youth    to    follow    the 

taile  of  the  Fashion,  and  neglect  the  imposition  of  his  friends. 

Behold,   here  he  comes,   very  worshipfully   attended,   and  with 

3285  good  varietie. 

SCENA    QUART  A.  Act.IV.Sc. 

Enter  Fungoso  with  Taylor,  Shoe-maker,  and  Haberdasher. 
Fung.   Gramercie  good   Shoe-maker,   I'le  put  too   strings   my 
selfe.  Exit  Shoe-maker. 

3290      Now  sir,  let  me  see,  what  must  you  haue  for  this  Hat? 
Haber.  Here's  the  Bill,  Sir. 
Fung.  How  doest  become  me,  well? 

Tayl.  Excellent  sir,  as  euer  you  had  any  Hat  in  your  life. 
Haber.  Nay  faith  sir,  the  Hat's  as  good  as  any  man  i'this  town 
32c>5  can  serue  you.  And  will  maintaine  Fashion  as  long,  ne're  trust 
me  for  a  groat  else. 
Fung.  Does  it  apply  well  to  my  Sute? 
Tay.  Exceeding  well  sir. 

Fung.  How  lik'st  thou  my  Sute  Haberdasher? 

33oo      Hab.  By  my  troth  sir  'tis  very  rarely  well  made,  I  neuer  saw 
a  Sute  sit  better  I  can  tell  on. 

Tay.  Nay,  we  haue  no  Art  to  please  our  friends,  we. 
Fung.  Here  Haberdasher,  tell  this  same. 

Hab.  Good  faith  sir,  it  makes  you  haue  an  excellent  body. 
33o5      Fung.  Nay  (beleeue  me)   I  thinke  I  haue  as  good  a  body  in 
cloaths  as  another. 

Tay.  You  lack  points  to  bring  your  apparell  togither. 

Fung.  I'le 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [98] 

Fung.  I'le  haue  points  anon:  how  now?  is't  right?  8126 

Hab.    Faith   Sir  'tis  too   little,  but  vpon  farther  hopes.   Good 
33io  morrow  to  you  Sir.  Exit  Haberdasher. 

Fung.  Farewell  good  Haberdasher:  well  now  master  Snip  let 
me  see  your  Bill. 

GREX. 

Mit.   (   Me  thinkes  he  discharges  his  followers  too  thicke. 
33i5      Cor.   )    O,  therein  he  saucily  imitates  some  great  man.   I  war- 
I    rant  you  though  hee   turnes    off  them,  he  keepes  this 
\  Taylor  in  place  of  a  Page  to  follow  him. 

Fung.  This  Bill  is  very  reasonable  in  faith;  hearke  you   Ma 
ster  Snip,  Troth  Sir  I  am  not  altogither  so  well  furnisht  at  this 
present,  as  I  could  wish  I  were:  but—  If  you'le  doe  me  the  fa- 
uour  to  take  part  in  hand,  you  shall  haue  all  I  haue  by  lesu. 
Tay.  Sir— 

Fung.  And  but  giue  me  credit  for  the  rest,  till  the  beginning 
of  the  next  Tearme. 
3325      Tay.  O  Lord  Sir— - 

Fung.  'Fore  God  and  by  this  light  I'le  pay  you  to  the  vtmost, 
and  acknowledge  my  selfe  very  deepely  engag'd  to  you  by 
this  hand. 

Tay.  Why  how  much  haue  you  there  Sir?  8146 

333o      Fung.  Mary  I  haue  here  foure  Angels,   and  fifteen  shillings  of 
white  money,  it's  all  I  haue  as  'hope  to  be  sau'd. 

Tay.  You  will  not  faile  me  at  the  next  Tearme  with  the  rest. 
Fung.   No  and   I   doe,  pray  God   I   be  hang'd.  Let  me  neuer 
breath  againe  vpon  this  mortall  Stage,  as  the  Philosopher  calls 
3335  it.  By  this  aire,  and  (as  I  am  a  Gentleman)  I'le  hold. 

GREX. 

Cor.  f  Hee  were  an  yron-hearted  fellow  in  my  judgement, 
!  that  would  not  credite  him  upon  these  monstrous 
V  oathes. 

3340      Tay.  Well  Sir,  I'le  not  sticke  with  any  Gentleman  for  a  tri 
fle:  you  know  what  'tis  remaines? 

Fung.  I  Sir,  and  I  giue  you  thankes  in  good  faith;  O  God,  how 
happie  am  I  made  in  this  good  fortune.  Well,  now  I'le  goe 

seeke 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

seeke  out  Monsieur  Briske.  Gods  so,  I  haue  forgot  Ribband  for 
3345  my  shoes,  and  points.  S'lid  what  lucke's  this?  how  shall  I  doe? 
Master  Snippe,  pray  let  me  reduct  some  two  or  three  shillings 
for  Points  and  Ribband,  by  lesu  I  haue  vtterly  disfurnisht  my 
selfe  in  the  default  of  memorie;  pray,  le'  me  be  beholding  to 
you,  it  shall  come  home  i'the  Bill  beleeue  me. 

335o      Tay.  Faith  sir,  I  can  hardly  depart  with  money,  but  i'le  take  3i65 
vp  and   send  you  some  by   my  boy  presently.   What  colour'd 
Ribband  would  you  haue?  (Sute. 

Fun.  What  you  shal  think  meet  i'your  judgement  Sir  to  my 
Tay.  Well,  i'le  send  you  some  presently. 
3355      Fun.  And  points  too  sir? 

Tay.  And  points  too  sir.  Exit  Taylor. 

Fun.  Good  Lord,  how  shall  I  studie  to  deserue  this  kindnesse 

ofyou  sir.  Pray  let  your  youth  make  hast,  for  I  should  haue  done 

a  businesse  an  houre  since,  that   I  doubt  shall  come  too  late. 

336o  Now  in  good  truth  I  am  exceedingly  proud  of  my  Sute.  Exit. 

GREX. 

Cord.  Doe  you  obserue  the  plunges  that    this    poore    Gallant 
is  put  too  (Signior)  to  purchase  the  Fashion. 

Mit.  I,  and  to  be  still  a  Fashion  behind  the  world,  that's  the 
3365  sport. 

Cord.  Stay:  O  here  they  come  from  Seal'd  and  deliuer'd. 

SCENAQUINTA.  Act.I  V.Sc. 

Enter  Puntarvolo,  Fastidius  Briske,  seruingmen  with  the  Dog. 
Punt.  Well,  now  my  whole  venter  is  forth,  I  will  resolue  to 
337O  depart  shortly. 

Fast.  Faith  sir  Puntarvolo  goe  to  the  Court,  and  take  leaue  of 
the  Ladies  first. 

Pun.l  care  not  if  it  be  this  afternoons  lobor:  where  is  Carlo? 
Fast.  Here  he  comes. 
3375  Enter  Carlo,  Sogliardo,  Shift,  and  Macilente. 

Carl.  Faith  Gallants,  I  am  persuading  this  Gentleman  to 
turne  Courtier,  he  is  a  man  of  faire  Reuenew,  and  his  estate  will 
beare  the  charge  well,  besides  for  his  other  gifts  of  the  mind, 

or 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [97] 

or  so,  why,  they  are  as  Nature  lent  him  'hem,  pure,  simple,  with- 

338o  out  any  Artificiall  drug  or  mixture  of  these  two  thredbare  beg- 
gerly  qualities,  Learning  and  Knowledge,  and  therefore  the  more 
accommodate  and  Genuine.  Now  for  the  life  it  selfe — 

Fast.  O,  the  most  Celestiall,  and  full  of  woonder  and  delight  3200 
that    can   be    imagin'd    Signior,    beyond   all   thought   and   appre- 

3385  hension  of  Pleasure.  A  man  liues  there  in  that  diuine  Rapture, 
that  he  will  think  himselfe  i'the  third  Heauen  for  the  time,  and 
loose  all  sence  of  Mortalitie  whatsoeuer;  when  he  shall  behold 
such  glorious  (and  almost  immortall)  beauties,  heare  such  An- 
gelicall  and  Harmonious  voices,  discourse  with  such  flowing 

33cp  and  Ambrosian  spirits,  whose  wits  as  suddaine  as  Lightning,  and 
humorous  as  Nectar;  Oh:  it  makes  a  man  all  Quintessence  and 
Flame,  and  liftes  him  vp  (in  a  moment)  to  the  very  Christall 
Crowne  o'the  skie,  where  (houering  in  the  strength  of  his  Ima 
gination]  he  shall  behold  all  the  delights  of  the  Hesperides,  the  In- 

33g5  sul(B  Fortunatce,  Adonis  gardens,   Tempe,  or  what  else   (confin'd 
within  the  amplest  verge  of  Poesie)  to  be  meere  Vmbrcz  and  im 
perfect   Figures,   conferr'd  with    the   most   essentiall   felicitie   of 
your  Court. 
Mac.  VVel,  this  ENCOMION  was  not   extemporall,  it  came 

3400  too  perfectly  off. 

Car.  Besides  sir,  you  shall  neuer  need  to  go  to  a  Hothouse,  32i5 
you  shall  sweat  there  with    courting  your    mistresse,   or  loosing 
your  money  at  Primer o,  as  well  as  in  all  the  Stoues  in  Flaunders. 
Mary  this  Sir,  you  must  euer  be  sure  to  carrie  a  good  strong 

3406  perfume  about  you,  that  your  mistresse  Dog  may  smell  you  out 
amongst  the  rest;  and  (in  making  loue  to  her)  neuer  feare  to  be 
out:  for  you  may  haue  a  pipe  of  Tabacco,  or  a  base  Violl  shall  hang 
o'the  wall  of  purpose,  will  put  you  in  presently.  The  tricks  your 
Resolution  has  taught  you  in  Tabacco,  (the  VVhiffe,  and  those 

3410  sleights-  will  stand  you  in  very  good  Ornament  there? 

Fast.  I,  to  some  perhaps:  but,  and  hee  should  come  to  my 
Mistresse  with  Tabacco  (this  Gentleman  knowes)  shee'ld  reply 
vpon  him  yfaith.  Oh  (by  this  bright  Sunne)  shee  has  the  most 
acute,  ready,  and  facetious  wit,  that  —  tut  there's  no  spirit  able 

N  to 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[o8]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

34l5  to  stand  her.  You  can  report  it  Signior,  you  haue  scene  her? 

Punt.  Then  can  he  report  no  lesse  out  of  his  judgement,  I  as 
sure  him. 
Mad.  Trotli  I  like  her  well  enough,  but  shee's  too  selfe-con-  323o 

ceited  me  thinkes. 

3420  Fast.  I  indeed,  shee's  a  little  too  selfe-conceited,  and  'twere 
not  for  that  Humor,  she  were  the  most  to  be  admir'd  Ladie  in 
the  world. 

Punt.  Indeed  it  is  a  Humor  that  takes  from  her  other  excel 
lencies. 

3425      Mac.  why  it  may  easily  be  made  to  forsake  her  in  my  thought. 
Fast.  Easily  Sir?  then  are  all  impossibilities  easie. 
Mac.   You   conclude' too   quicke  vpon   me  Signior,   what  will 
you  say  if  I  make  it  so  conspicuously  appeare  now,  that  your 
selfe  shall  confesse  nothing  more  possible. 

343o      Fast.  Mary  I  will  say,  I  will  both  applaud  you,  and  admire  you  for  it. 
Punt.  And  I  will  second  him. 
Mac.  Why  Tie  shew  you   Gentlemen;   Carlo,  come  hither. 

Macilente,  Carlo,  Puntarvolo,  and  Briske,  whisper. 
Sog.   Good  faith  I  haue   a  great   Humor  to  the  Court,   what 
3435  thinkes  my  Resolution,  shall  I  aduenture? 

Shift.  Troth  Countenance,  as  you  please;  the  Place  is  a  place  of 
good  Reputation  and  Capacitie. 

Sog.  O  my  trickes  in  Tabacco  (as  Carlo  sayes)  will  shew  excel 
lent  there. 

3440      Shift.  Why  you   may    goe    with    these   Gentlemen  now,   and 
see  fashions;  and  after,  as  you  shall  see  Correspondence. 
Sog.  You  say  true.  You  will  goe  with  me  Resolution? 
Shift.   I   will  meet  you   Countenance,   about  three   or  foure   of 
clocke,  but,  to  say  to  goe  with  you  I  cannot;  for  (as  I  am  Apple 
3446  John)  I  am  to  goe  before  the  Coca  trice  you  saw  this  morning,  and 
therefore  pray,   present  me   excus'd  good  Countenance. 
Sog.  Farewell  good  Resolution,  but  faile  not  to  meet. 
Shift.  As  I  Hue. 

They  breake  silence.  Exit  Shift. 

Punt.   Admirably   excellent. 

Mac.  If 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [99] 

Mac.  If  you  can  but  persuade  Sogliardo  to  the  Court,  there's  all 
now. 

Carl.  O  let  me  alone,  that's  my  taske.  8261 

Fast.   Now  by   lesu    Macilenle,   it's   aboue  measure   excellent: 
3455  'twill   be  the   onely  Courtly  exploit  that   euer   proou'd   Courtier 
ingenious. 

Punt.  Vpon  my  soule  it  puts  the  Lady  quite  out  of  her  Hu 
mor,  and  we  shall  laugh  with  judgement. 

Carl.   Come,   the   Gentleman  was  of  himselfe   resolu'd  to  goe 
3460  with  you,  afore  I  moou'd  it. 

Mac.  Why  then  gallants,  you  two  and  Carlo  go  afore  to  pre 
pare  the  jest:  Sogliardo  and  I  will  come  some  while  after  you. 
Car.  Pardon  me,  I  am  not  for  the  Court. 

Punt.  That's  true;  Carlo  comes  not  at  the  Court  indeed:  well, 

3465  you  shall  leaue  it  to  the  facultie  of  Monsieur  Briske,  &  my  selfe; 

vpon  our  Hues  wee  will  manage  it  happily.  Carlo  shall  bespeake 

Supper  at  the   Mitre   against  wee  come  backe:  where  wee  will 

meet,  and  dimple  our  cheekes  with  laughter  at  the  successe. 

Carl.  I,  but  will  you  all  promise  to  come? 

3470      Punt.  My  selfe  shall  man/rede  it  for  them:  he  that  failes,  let  his 
Reputation  lye  vnder  the  lash  of  thy  tongue. 
Carl.  Gods  so',  looke  who  comes  here? 

Enter  Fungoso. 

Sog.  What,  Nephew?  8280 

3476      Fung.  Vncle,  God  saue  you;   did  you   see   a   Gentleman,   one 
Monsieur  Briske?  a  Courtier,  he  goes  in  such  a  Sute  as  I  doe. 
Sog.  Here  is  the  Gentleman  Nephew,  but  not  in  such  a  Sute. 
Fung.  Another  Sute!  He  Swounes. 

Sog.  How  now  Nephew? 
3480      Fast.  Would  you  speake  to  me  Sir? 

Carl.  I,  when  he  has  recouer'd  himselfe:  poore  Poll. 
Punt.  Some  Rosa-solis. 
Mac.  How  now  Signior? 
Fung.  I  am  not  well  Sir. 
3486      Mac.  Why  this  it  is,  to  dog  the  Fashion. 

Carl.    Nay    come    Gentlemen,     remember    your    affaires;    his 

N  ij  disease 


[I0o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

disease  is  nothing  but  the  Fluxe  of  Apparell. 

Punt.   Sirs,   returne  to  the  lodging,   keepe  the   Cat  safe;   Tie  8294 
be  the  Dogs  Guardian  my  selfe.  Exeunt  Seruingmen. 

3490      Sog.  Nephew,  will  you  goe  to  the  Court  with  vs;  these  Gen 
tlemen  and  I  are  for  the  Court:  nay  be  not  so  Melancholly. 

Fun.  By  Gods  lid  I  thinke  no  man  in  Christendome  has  that 
rascally  fortune  that  I  haue. 

Mad.  Faith  your  Sute  is  well  enough  Signior. 

3495      Fun.  Nay,  not  for  that  I  protest;  but  I  had  an  errand  to  Mon 
sieur  Fastidius,  and  I  haue  forgot  it. 

Mad.  Why  goe  along  to  the  Court  with  vs,   and   remember 
it,   come.   Gentlemen,  you  three  take  one   Boat,   and  Sogliardo 
and  I  will  take  another:  we  shall  be  there  instantly. 
35oo      Fast.  Content:   good   Sir  vouchsafe  vs  your  pleasance. 
Punt.  Farewell  Carlo;  remember. 

Carl.  I  warrant  you:  would  I  had  one  of  Kempes  shooes  to 
throw  after  you. 

Punt.  Good  Fortune  will  close  the  eyes  of  our  jest,  feare  not:  33io 
35o5  and  we  shall  frollick.  Exeunt. 

G  RE  X. 

Mil.  This  Madlente  Signior,  begins  to  be  more  sociable  on  a 
suddaine  me  thinkes,  than  he  was  before,  there's  some  Portent 
in't,  I  beleeue. 

35io  Cord.  O  hee's  a  fellow  of  a  straunge  Nature.  Now  do's  he  (in 
this  calme  of  his  Humor)  plot  and  store  vp  a  world  of  malicious 
thoughts  in  his  braine,  till  he  is  so  full  with  'hem,  that  you  shall 
see  the  very  Torrent  of  his  Enuic  breake  forth,  and  against  the 
course  of  all  their  affections  oppose  it  selfe  so  violently,  that 
35i5  you  will  almost  haue  woonder  to  thinke  how  'tis  possible  the 
current  of  their  Dispositions  shall  receiue  so  quick  and  strong 
an  alteration. 

Mil.  I  marry  sir,   this  is  that  on  which  my   Expectation  has 
dwelt  all  this  while:  for  I  must  tell  you  Signior  (though  I  was 
352O  loth  to  interrupt  the  Scene)  yet  I   made  it  a  question  in   mine 
owne  priuat  discourse,   how  he  should  properly  call  it,  Euerie 
man  out  of  his  Humor,  when  I  saw  all  his  Actors  so  strongly  pur 
sue 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [101] 

sue  and  continue  their  Humors? 

Cord.  Why  therein  his  Art  appeares  most  full  of  lustre,   and  3328 

3525  approcheth  nearest  the  life,  especially  when  in  the  flame  and 
height  of  their  Humors  they  are  laid  flat,  it  fils  the  eye  better, 
and  with  more  contentment.  How  tedious  a  sight  were  it  to 
behold  a  prowd  exalted  tree  lopt  and  cut  downe  by  degrees, 
when  it  might  be  feld  in  a  moment?  and  to  set  the  Axe  to  it,  be- 

353o  fore  it  came  to  that  pride  &  fulnes,  were  as  not  to  haue  it  grow. 

Mit.  Well  I  shall  long  till  I  see  this  fall  you  talke  of. 

Cord.   To    helpe    your   longing,    Signior,    let  your   imagination 

be  swifter  than  a  paire  of  Oares,  and  by  this,  suppose  Puntarvo- 

/o,  Briske,  Futtgoso,  and  the  Dog,  arriu'd  at  the  court  gate,  and  go- 

3535  ing  vp  to  the  great  chamber.  Macilente  and  Sogliardo,  wee'le 
leaue  them  on  the  water  till  Possibilitie  and  Naturall  meanes 
may  land  'hem.  Here  come  the  Gallants,  now  prepare  your 
Expectation. 

ACTUS   QUINTUS,   SCENA   PRIM  A.  Act.V.Sc.I. 

3540          Enter  Piintarvolo,  Fastidius  Briske,  Fungoso,  and  the  Dog. 

Punt.   Come  Lordings.   Signior  you  are  sufficiently  instructed. 
Fast.  Who  I  sir? 

Punt.   No,  this  Gentleman.   But  stay,   I   take  thought  how  to 
bestow  my  dog,  he  is  no  competent  attendat  for  the  Presence. 
3545      Fast.    Masse  that's   true  indeed   knight,    you   must    not   carrie 
him  into  the  Presence. 

Punt.  I  know  it,  and  I  (like  a  dull  beast)  forgot  to  bring  one 
of  my  Cormorants  to  attend  me. 

Fast.  Why  you're  best  leaue  him  at  the  Porters  lodge. 
355o      Punt.  Not  so:  his  worth  is  too  well  knowne  amongst  them,  to 
be  forth-comming. 
Fast.  Slight,  how'll  you  doe  then? 

Punt.  I  must  leaue  him  with  one  that  is  ignorant  of  his  quali- 
tie,  if  I  will  haue  him  to  be  safe.  And  see;  Heres  comes  one.  thac 
3555  will  carrie  coales,  Ergo,  will  hold  my  Dogge.  My  honest  friend, 
may  I  commit  the  tuition  of  this  Dog  to  thy  prudent  care? 

Enter  a  Groome  with  a  basket. 
Groome.  You  may  if  you  please  sir. 

Punt.  Pray 


[I02]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Punt.  Pray  thee  let  me  find  thee  here  at  my  returne:  it  shall  3362 
356o  not  be  long,  till  I  will  Ease  thee  of  thy  emploiment,  and  Please 
thee.  Forth  Gentles. 

Fast.  Why,  but  will  you  leaue  him  with  so  slight  command, 
and  infuse  no  more  charge  vpon  the  fellow? 

Punt.  Charge?  no,  there  were  no   pollicie   in  that;  that  were 
3565  to  let  him  know  the  value  of  the  Gem  he  holds,  &  so,  to  tempt 
fraile  nature  against  her  disposition.  No,  pray  thee  let  thy  Ho- 
nestie  be  sweet  and  short. 
Groome.  Yes  sir. 

Punt.   But  heark  you  Gallants,  and  cheefely   Monsieur  Bnske, 
35yo  When  wee    come    in    eye-shot    or    presence  of  this   Ladie,  let 
not  others  matters  carrie  vs  from  our  Project:  but  (if  wee  can) 
single  her  forth  to  some  place. 
Fast.  I  warrant  you. 

Punt.  And  bee  not  too  suddaine,  but  let  the  deuise  induce  it 
3575  selfe  with  good  Circumstance:  on. 

Fung.  Is  this  the  way?  good  truth  here  be  fine  hangings. 

Exeunt  Puntarvolo,  Briske,  Fungoso. 

Groome.   Honestie,  Sweet  and  Short?  mary  it  shall   sir,  doubt  338o 
you  not:  for  euen  at  this  instant  if  one  would  giue  me  twentie 
358o  pounds,    I   would  not    deliuer  him;   there's   for  the   Sweet:   but 
now,  if  any  man  come  offer  me  but  two- pence,  hee  shall  haue 
him;  there's  for  the  Short  now.  Sbloud,  what  a  mad  Humorous 
Gentleman  is  this  to   leaue  his  Dog  with  me:  I  could  run  away 
with  him  now,  and  he  were  worth  any  thing:  well,  I  pray  God 
3585  send  him  quickly  againe.  Enter  Macilente  and  Sogliardo. 

Mac.   Come   on    Signior,   now   prepare  to   Court  this  All-wit- 

ted  Ladie,  most  Naturally  and  like  your  selfe. 

Sog.  Faith  and  you  say  the  word,  He  begin  to  her  in  Tabacco. 

Mad.  O,  fie  on't,  no:  you  shall  begin  with,  How  does  my  sweet 

35c,o  Ladie;  or,  Why  are  you  so  melancholly  Madame?  though  she  bee  very 

merrie,  it's   all   one:    be   sure   to   kisse  your  hand  often  enough; 

pray  for  her  health,  and  tell  her,  how  more  than  most  fair e  shee  is: 

Screw  your  face  a  t'one  side  thus,  &  Protest;  let  her  fleere  and 

looke   a  skaunce,   and  hide  her  Teeth    with    her   Fanne,   when 

she 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [io3J 

35g5  she  laughs  a  fit,  to  bring  her  into  more  matter;  that's  nothing: 
you  must  talke  forward    (though  it  be  without  sense,  so  it  bee 

[without  blushing)  'tis  most  Courtlike  and  well. 
Sog.  But  shall  I  not  vse  Tabacco'zt  all?  33gj 

Mac.    O,  by  no   meanes,    'twill    but  make    your  breath  suspe- 
36oo  cted;   and  that  you  vse  it  onely  to   confound  the   rankenesse  of 
that. 

Sog.  Nay,  He  be  aduis'd  sir  by  my  friends. 
Mad.  Gods  my  life,  see  where  sir  Puntars  Dog  is. 
Groome.  I  would  the  Gentleman  would  returne  for  his   follo- 
36o5  wer  here,  lie  leaue  him  to  his  fortunes  else. 

Mac.   S'heart,  'twere  the  onely  true  jest  in  the  world  to  poi 
son   him  now:  ha?  by  Gods  will  He    doe  it,   if  I  could  but  get 
him  of  the  fellow.  Signior  Sogliardo,  walke  aside,  and  thinke  vp- 
on  some  deuise  to  entertaine  the  Ladie  with. 
36io      Sog.  So  I  doe  sir.  Sog.  walkes  off,  meditating. 

Mac.    How   now   mine   honest  friend?  whose    Dog-keeper    art 
thou? 

. 

Groome.  Dog-keeper  sir?  I  hope  I  scorne  that  yfaith.  8410 

Mac.  Why?  do'st  thou  not  keepe  a  Dogge? 

36i5      Groome.  Sir,  now  I  doe,  and  now  I  doe  not:  I  thinke  this  bee 
Sweet  and  Short:  make  me  his  Dog-keeper. 

Throwes  off  the  Dog,  &  Exit. 

Mad.    This    is    excellent    aboue    expectation:    nay    stay    sir, 
youl'd  be  trauailing;   but  lie  giue  you  a  Dramme  shall  shorten 
3620  your  voyage:  here:  so  sir,  lie  be  bold  to  take  my  leaue  of  you: 
now  to  the  Turkes  Court  in  the  Deuils  name,  for  you  shal  neuer 
goe  on  Gods  name  [Kicks  him  out]      Sogliardo,  come. 

Sog.  I  ha'  't  yfaith  now,  will  sting  it. 

Mad.   Take    heed    you    leese    it    not    Signior,    ere  you    come 
3625  there:  preserue  it.  Exeunt. 

GREX.  8421 

Cor.   /'   How  like  you  this  first  exploit  of  his? 
Mit.   )    O,  a  peece  of  true  Enuie,  but  I  expect  the  issue  of  the 

)    other  deuise. 
363o      Cor.    \  Here  they  come,  will  make  it  appeare. 

SCENA 


[I04j  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

SCENA    SECUNDA.  Act.V.Sc.2. 

Enter  Puntarvolo,  Sauiolirta,  Fastidius  Briske,  Fungoso. 
Sam.  Why  I  thought  Sir  Puntarvolo,  you  had  been  gone  your 
Voyage? 

3635      Punt.  Deare,  and  most  Amiable  Ladie,  your  Diuine  Beauties 
do  bind  me  to  those  Offices,  that  I  cannot  depart  when  I  would 
Saui.  Tis  most  Courtlike  spoken  sir;  but  how  might  we  doe 
to  haue  a  sight  of  your  Dog  and  Cat? 

Fast.  His  Dogge's  in  the  Court,  Ladie.  (sir. 

3640      Saui.  And  not  your  Cat?  how  dare  you  trust  her  behind  you 

Punt.   Troth    Madame    she    hath   sore    eyes,    and  shee  dooth 

keepe  her   Chamber:    marry    I    haue    left    her    vnder    sufficient 

guard:  there  are  two  of  ;ny  Hinds  to  attend  her.  (go  sir? 

Saui    He  giue  you  some  Water  for  her  eyes:  when  doe  you 

3645      Punt.  Certes  sweet  Ladie,  I  know  not. 

Fast.  He  doth  stay  the  rather  Madame,  to  present  your  Acute 

judgement  with   so    Courtly,   and   well- Parted    a    Gentleman,   as 

yet  your  Ladiship  hath  neuer  scene.  (man? 

Saui.  What's  he,  gentle   Mounsieur  Briske?  not  that  Gentle- 

365o      Fast.  No  Ladie,  this  is  a  Kinsman  of  Justice  Silence.  8447 

Punt.  Pray'  sir,  giue  me  leaue  to  report  him:  hee's  a  Gentle 
man  (Ladie)  of  that  rare  and  admirable  facultie,  as  (I  protest) 
I  know  not  his  like  in  Europe:  he  is  exceedingly  Valiant,  an  ex 
cellent  Scholler,  and  so  exactly  trauail'd,  that  hee  is  able  in 
3655  discourse,  to  deliuer  you  a  Modell  of  any  Princes  Court  in  the 
world:  'speakes  the  Languages  with  that  puritie  of  Phrase,  and 
facilitie  of  Accent,  that  it  breeds  astonishment:  his  Wit,  the 
most  Exuberant,  and  (aboue  wonder)  pleasant,  of  all  that  euer 
entred  the  concaue  of  this  eare.  (man. 

366o      Fast.  Tis 'most  true  Ladie;  mary  he  is  no  such  excellet  proper 
Punt.   His   Trauailes   haue   chang'd  his  complexion,    Madame. 
Saui.  O  sir  Puntarvolo,  you  must  thinke  euery  man   was  not 
borne  to  haue  my  Seruant  Briskes  feature. 

Punt.  But  that  which  transcends  all,  Ladie;  he  dooth  so  Peer- 
3665  lessely  imitate  any  manner  of  person  for  Gesture,  Action,   Pas 
sion,  or  what  euer— 

Fast.  I, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [io5] 

Fast.  I,  especially  a  Rusticke  or  a  Clowne  Madame,  that  it  is  8468 
not  possible  for  the   sharpest-sighted  wit  (in  the  world)  to  dis- 
cerne  any  sparkes  of  the  Gentleman  in  him,  when  hee  does  it. 
3670      Saui.  O   Mounsieur  Briske,  be  not  so  Tyranous  to  confine  all 
Wits  within  the  compasse  of  your  owne:  Not  find  the  sparkes 
of  a  Gentleman  in  him,  if  he  be  a  Gentleman? 
Fun.  No  in  truth  (sweet  Ladie)  I  beleeue  you  cannot. 
Saui.  Do  you  beleeue  so?  why  I  can  find  sparkes  of  a  Gentle- 
36y5  man  in  you  sir. 

Punt.  I,  he  is  a  Gentleman  Madame,  and  a  Reueller. 
Fun.  Indeed  I  think  I  haue  seen  your  Ladiship  at  our  Reuels. 
Saui.  Like  inough  sir  :   but  would  I  might  see  this  wonder  you 
talke  of:  may  one  haue  a  sight  of  him  for  any  reasonable  sum? 
368o      Punt.  Yes  Madam,  he  will  arriue  presently. 
Saui.  What,  and  shall  we  see  him  Clowne  it? 
Fast.  I  faith  (sweet  Ladie)  that  you  shall:  see  here  he  comes. 

Enter  Macilente  with  Sogliardo. 

Punt.  This  is  he;  pray  obserue  him  Ladie.  ^479 

3685      Saui.  Beshrew  me,  he  Clownes  it  properly  indeed. 

Punt.  Nay,  marke  his  Courtship.  (stie?  ha? 

Sog.  How  dos  my  sweet  Ladie;  hote  and  moist?  Beautifull  and  lu- 
Saui.  Beautifull  and  it  please  you  sir,  but  not  lustie. 
Sog.  O  ho  Ladie;  it  pleases  you  to  say  so  in  truth:  and  how 
36go  does  my  sweet  Ladie;  in  health?  Bona  roba,  quczso?  que  Novelles? 
que  Novelles?  Sweet  creature. 

Saui.   O   excellent:  why   Gallants,  is  this   hee  that  cannot  be 
Decipher'd?    they    were    very    bleare-witted    yfaith    that    could 
not  discerne  the  Gentleman  in  him. 
36g5      Punt.  But  doe  you;  in  earnest  Ladie? 

Saui.  Doe  I  sir?  why  if  you  had  any  true  Court-judgement 
in  the  carriage  of  his  eye,  and  that  inward  power  that  formes 
his  countenance,  you  might  perceiue  his  counterfaiting  as 
cleere  as  the  noone  day:  Alas;  Nay  if  you  would  haue  tried  my 
3700  Wit  indeed,  you  should  neuer  haue  told  mee  he  was  a  Gen 
tleman,  but  presented  him  for  a  true  Clowne  indeed;  and  then 
haue  scene  if  I  could  haue  Decipher'd  him. 

O  Fast.  'Fore 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[I06]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fast.  'Fore  God,  her  Ladiship  sales  true  (Knight:)  but  does 
he  not  affect  the  Clowne  most  naturally,  Mistresse? 

3705      Punt.  O,  shee  cannot  but  affirme  that,  out  of  the  Bountie  of  35oo 
her  ludgement. 

Saui.  Nay  out  of  doubt  hee  does  well,  for  a  Gentleman  to 
imitate;  but  I  warrant  you,  he  becomes  his  Naturall  carriage 
of  the  Gentleman,  much  better  than  his  Clownerie. 

3710      Fast.  Tis  straunge  in  truth,  her  Ladiship  should  see  so  farre 
into  him. 
Punt.  I,  is't  not. 

Saui.  Faith  as  easily  as  may  be:  not  Decipher  him,  quoth  you? 
Fung.  Good  sadnesse,  I  wonder  at  it. 
37i5      Mac.  Why,  has  she.Decipher'd  him,  Gentlemen? 

Punt.  O  most  miraculously,  and  beyond  Admiration. 
Mac.  Is't  possible? 

Fast.  Shee  hath  giuen  most  infallible  signes  of  the  Gentle 
man  in  him,  that's  certaine. 

3720      Saui.  Why  Gallants,   let  mee  laugh  at  you  a  little:  was  this  35i4 
your  deuise,  to  trie  my  judgement  in  a  Gentleman? 

Mad.  Nay  Ladie,  doe  not  scorne  vs,  though  you  haue  this 
gift  of  Pcrspicacie  aboue  others:  What  if  he  should  be  no  Gen 
tleman  now,  but  a  Clowne  indeed  Ladie? 

3725      Punt.   How  thinke  you  of  thnt?  would  not  your  Ladiship  be 
out  of  your  Humor? 
Fast.  O,  but  she  knowes  it  is  not  so. 

Saui.  What  if  he  were  not  a  man,  yee  may  as  well  say?  nay 
if  your  Worships   could   Gull  mee   so  indeed,   you  were  wiser 
373o  than  you  are  taken  for. 

Mad.  In  good  faith  Ladie,  he  is  a  very  perfect  Clowne,  both 
by  Father  and  Mother  :  that  He  assure  you. 
Saui.  O  Sir,  you  are  very  pleasurable. 

Mad.  Nay,  doe  but  looke  on  his  Hand,  and  that  shall  resolue 
3735  you:  Looke  you  Ladie,  what  a  Palme  here  is. 
Sog.  Tut,  that  was  with  holding  the  Plough. 
Mac.   The   Plough!  did   you   discerne   any  such  thing  in   him 
Madame? 

Fast.  Faith 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [107] 

Fast.  Faith  no,  she  saw  the  Gentleman  as  bright  as  at  noone-  353i 
3740  day  she:  he  decipher'd  him  at  first. 

Mad.  Troth  I  am  sorrie  your  Ladiships  sight  should  bee  so 
suddainely  strooke. 
Saui.  O,  you're  goodly  Beagles! 
Fast.  What,  is  she  gone? 

3745      Sog.  Nay  stay  sweet  Ladie;  Qne  Novelles,  Que  Novelles. 
Saui.  Out,  you  foole  you.  Exit  Saui. 

Fung.  Shee's  out  of  her  Humor  yfaith. 
Fast.  Nay,  let's  follow  it  while  'tis  hot  Gentlemen. 
Punt.   Come,   on  mine   Honour  wee'le  make  her  blush   in  the 
3760  Presence:  my  splene  is  great  with  laughter. 

Mad.  Your  laughter  will  be  a  child  of  a  feeble  life  I  beleeue 
sir.  Come  Signior,  your  lookes  are  too  dejected  mee  thinkes: 
why  mixe  you  not  mirth  with  the  rest? 

Fun.  By  Gods  will  this  Sute  frets  me  at  the  Soule.  He  haue 
3755  it  alter'd  to  morrow  sure.  Exeunt. 

Enter  Shift.  Act.V.Sc.3. 

Shift.  I  am  come  to  the  Court  to  meet  with  my  Countenance 
Sogliardo:  poore  men  must  be  glad  of  such  Countenance,  when 
they  can  get  no  better.  VVel,  Need  may  insult  vpon  a  man,  but 
3760  it  shall  neuer  make  him  despaire  of  Consequence:  The  world 
will  say,  'tis  base;  tush,  base!  'tis  base  to  Hue  vnder  the  earth, 
not  base  to  Hue  aboue  it,  by  any  meanes. 

Enter  Puntarvolo,  Fastidius,  Sogliardo,  Fungoso,  Madlente. 
Fast.  The  poore  Ladie  is  most  miserably  out  of  her  Humour 
3765  yfaith. 

Punt.  There  was  neuer  so  wittie  a  jest  broken  at  the  Tilt,  of 
all  the  Court  wits  christen'd. 

Mad.  O,  this  applause  taints  it  fowly. 
Sog.  I  thinke  I  did  my  part  in  Courting.  O  Resolution\ 
3770      Punt.  Aye  me,  my  Dogge. 
Mad.  Where  is  hee? 
Fast.  Gods  pretious,  go  seeke  for  the  fellow,  good  Signior. 

Sends  away  Fungoso. 
Punt.  Here,  here  I  left  him. 

O  ij  Mad.  Why 


[I08]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

3775      Mad.  Why  none  was  here  when  we  came  in  now,  but  Ca- 
ualier  Shift,  enquire  of  him. 
Fast.  Did  you  see  sir  Puntarvolos  Dog  here  Cavalier,  since  you 

came?  (D°g sir- 

Shift.  His  Dog  sir?  he  may  looke  his  Dog  sir;  I  see  none  of  his  35?o 
3780      Mac.  Vpon  my  life  he  has  stolne  your  Dog  sir,  and  ben  hir'd 
to  it  by  some  that  haue  ventur'd  with  you ;  you  may  gesse  by  his 
peremptorie  answeres. 

Punt.  Not  vnlike;  for  he  hath  been  a  notorious   theefe  by  his 
owne  confession.  Sirrah,  where's  my  Dog? 

3;85      Shift.  Charge  me  with  your  Dog  sir?  I  ha'  none  of  your  dog  sir. 
Punt.  Villaine,  thou  lyest. 
Shift.  Lie  sir?  S'blood  y'are  but  a  man  sir. 
Punt.  Rogue  and  Thejefe,  restore  him. 

Sog.  Take  heed  sir  Puntarvolo  what  you  doe;  hee'le  beare  no 
3790  coales  I  can  tell  you  (of  my  word.) 
Mad.  This  is  rare. 

Sog.  It's  mar'le  he  stabs  you  not:  by  this  Light,  he  hath  stab'd 
fortie  for  fortie  times  lesse  matter,  I  can  tell  you,  of  my  know 
ledge. 
3795      Punt.  I  will  make  thee  stoupe,  thou  Abject. 

Sog.  Make  him  stoupe  sir!    Gentlemen    pacific  him,  or  hee'le 
be  kill'd. 

Mac.  Is  he  so  tall  a  man? 

Sog.  Tall    a    man?  if  you    loue    his    life    stand   betwixt  'hem: 
38oo  make  him  stoupe! 

Pun.  My  dog  Villain,  or  I  wil  hang  thee:  thou  hast  confest  rob-  35go 
beries,  &  other  fellonious  acts  to  this  Gentlema  thy  Countenance 
Sog.  lie  beare  no  witnesse. 

Punt.  And  without  my  Dog  I  will  hang  thee,  for  them. 
38o5  Shift  kneeles. 

Sog.  What?  kneele  to  thine  enemie? 

Shift.   Pardon  mee  good  sir;   God  is  my   ludge   I   neuer  did 
Robberie  in  all  my  life.  Enter  Fungoso. 

Fung.  O  sir  Puntarvolo,  your  Dog  lies  giuing  vp  the  ghost  in 
38io  the  wood-yard. 

Mac.  S'blood 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [109] 

Mad.  S'bloud  is  he  not  dead  yet? 

Punt.   O,   my   Dogge  borne   to    disastrous    fortune!   pray    you  36oo 
conduct  me  sir.  Exit  Punt,  with  Fung. 

Sog.  How?  did  you  neuer  doe  any  robberie  in  your  life? 
38i5      Mac.  O  this  is  good:  so  he  swore  sir. 

Sog.  I,  I  heard  him.  And  did  you  sweare  true  sir? 
Shift.  I  (as  God  shall  haue  part  of  my  soule  Sir)  I  ne're  rob'd 
any  man  I;   neuer  stood  by  the  high-way  side  Sir,  but  only  said 
so,  because  I  would  get  my  selfe  a  name  and  be  counted  a  tall 
382O  man. 

Sog.  Now  out  base  Viliaco:  Thou  my  Resolution?  I  thy  Counte 
nance?  By  this  light  Gentlemen,  he  hath  confest  to  me  the  most 
inexorable  companie  of  Robberies,  and  damn'd  himselfe  that 
he  did  'hem;  you  neuer  heard  the  like:  out  skoundrell  out, 
3825  follow  me  no  more  I  commaund  thee:  out  of  my  sight,  goe, 
hence,  speake  not:  I  will  not  heare  thee ;  away  Camouccio. 

Mac.  O,  how  I  doe  feed  vpon  this  now,  and  fat  my  selfe?  here 
were  a  couple  vnexpectedly  dishumor'd:  well,  by  this  time  I 
hope  sir  Puntarvolo  and  his  Dog  are  both  out  of  Humor  to  tra- 
383o  uaile:  nay  Gentlemen,  why  do  you  not  seeke  out  the  Knight, 
and  comfort  him?  our  Supper  at  the  Mitre  must  of  necessitie 
hold  to  night,  if  you  loue  your  Reputations. 

Fast.  'Fore  God  I  am  so  Melancholly  for  his  Dogges  disaster, 
but  i'le  go.  (cholly. 

3835      Sog.  Faith  and  I  may  goe  too,  but  I  know  I  shalbe  so  Melan-  8620 

Mac.  Tush,   Melancholly?  you  must   forget  that  now,   and  re 
member  you  lie  at  the  mercie  of  a  Furie:  Carlo  will  racke  your 
sinews  asunder,  and  raile  you  to  dust  if  you  come  not.     Exeut. 
Mit.  O  then  their  feare   of  Carlo  belike,  makes  them 
3840  hold  their  meeting. 

Cor.  I,  here  he  comes:  conceiue  him  but  to  be  enter'd 
the  Mitre,  and  'tis  enough. 

SCENA  TERTIA.  Act.V.Sc.4. 

Enter  Carlo. 

3845      Carl.  Holla:  where  be  these  Shotmarkes?  Enter  Drawer. 

Draw.  By  and  by:  you're  welcome  good  master  Buffone. 

O  iij  Carl. 


[no]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Carl.  Where's  George?  call  me  George  hither  quickly. 
Draw.  What  wine  please  you  haue   Sir?   Fie  draw  you  that's 
neat  Master  Buff  one. 

385o      Car.  Away  \Tcophite,  do  as  I  bid;  bring  my  deare  George  to  me:  3636 
Masse  here  he  comes.  Enter  George. 

Georg.  Welcome  Master  Carlo. 
Carl.  What's  Supper  readie,  George? 

Geor.  I  sir,  almost:  will  you  haue  the  cloth  laid,  Master  Carlo? 
3855      Carl.  O,  what  else:  are  none  of  the  Gallants  come  yet? 
Georg.  None  yet  sir. 

Carl.  Stay,  take  me  with  you  George:  let  me  haue  a  good  fat 
Loine  of  Porke  laid  to  the  fire  presently. 

Georg.  It  shall  sir. 

386o  Carl.  And  withall,  rieare  you?  draw  me  the  biggest  shaft  you 
haue  out  of  the  But  you  wot  of:  away,  you  know  my  meaning 
George,  quicke. 

George.  Done  sir.  Exit. 

Carl.  S'bloud,  I  neuer  hungred  so  much  for  thing  in  my  life,  365o 
3865  as   I   doe  to  know  our  Gallants  successe   at  the  Court:  now  is 
that  leane   Bald-rib  Macilente,  that  salt  Villaine,   plotting   some 
mischieuous  deuise,  and  lyes  a  soking  in  their  frothy  Humours 
like  a  dry  crust,  till  he  has  drunke  'hem  all  vp:  could  the  Kecks 
but  hold  vp's   eyes  at  other  mens  happinesse  in  any  reasonable 
3870  proportion,  S'lid  the  slaue  were  to  be  loued  next   Heauen,  a- 
boue  Honour,  Wealth,  rich  Fare,  Apparell,  Wenches,  all  the 
delights  of  the  Bellie,  and  the  Groine,  whateuer. 
Georg.  Here,  master  Carlo. 
Carl.  Is't  right,  Boy? 
3875      Geor.  I  sir,  I  assure  you  'tis  right. 

Carl.  Well  said,  my  deare   George,  depart:    Come,   my  small 
Gymblet,  you  in  the  false  scabberd,  away;  i  Puts  forth  the  Drawer 
so:  Now  to  you  sir  Burgomaster,  let's  tast  of  (and  shuts  the  dore. 
your  Bountie. 
388o  G  R  E  X. 

Mil.     |  what,  will  he  deale  vpon  such  quantities  of  wine  alone.  3665 
Cord.  (You  shall  perceiue  that  sir.  He  drinkes. 

Carl.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [HI] 

Carl.  I  mary  sir,  here's  puritie'  O  George,  I  could  bite  off  thy 
nose  for  this  now:  Sweet  Rogue,  he  has  drawne  Nectar,  the  ve 
ry  Soule  of  the  Grape:  I'le  wash  my  temples  with  some  on't 
presently,  and  drinke  some  halfe  a  score  draughts;  'twill  heat 
3885  the  Braine,  kindle  my  imagination,  I  shall  talke  nothing  but 
Crackers  and  Fire-worke  to  night.  So  sir;  Please  you  to  be 
here  sir,  and  I  here:  So. 

He  sets  the  cwo  cups  asunder,  and  first  drinkes  with  the 
38go  one,  and  pledges  with  the  other. 

GREX.  Cord.  This  is  worth  the  obseruation,  Signior. 
Carl,  i  cup.  Now  sir,  here's   to  you;  and  I  present  you  with  36j5 
so  much  of  my  loue. 

2  Clip.  I  take  it  kindly  from  you  sir.  (Drinkes.}  And  will  return 
38g5  you  the  like  proportion:  but  withall  sir,   remembring  the   mer- 
rie  night  we  had  at  the  Countesses;  you  know  where  sir. 

1  Cup.  By  lesu  you  doe  put  me  in  mind  now  of  a  very  neces 
sary  office,  which  I  wil  propose  in  your  pledge  sir:  The  health  of 
that  honorable  Countesse,  &  the  sweet  Lady  that  sat  by  her  sir. 

3goo  2  I  do  vail  to  it  with  reuerence.  (Drinks.}  2  And  now  Signer, 
with  these  Ladies,  I'le  be  bold  to  mixe  the  health  of  your  Di- 
uine  Mistresse.  I  Doe  you  know  her  sir?  2  O  Lord  sir,  I,  and  in 
the  respectfull  memorie  and  mention  of  her,  I  could  wish  this 
wine  were  the  most  pretious  drugge  in  the  world. 
3go5  i  Good  faith  sir,  you  do  honor  me  in't  exceedingly.  (Drinks.} 

GREX. 

Mit.    i   VVhome  should  he  personate  in  this,  Signior?  36go 

Cord.  \    Faith  I  know  not  sir,  obserue,  obserue  him. 

2  If  it  were  the  basest  filth  or  mud  that  runnes  in  the  chan- 
3gio  nell,  I  am  bound  to  pledge  it  by  God  sir.  (Drinks.}  And  now  sir, 

here  is  againe  a  replenisht  bowle  sir,  which  I  will  reciprocally  re- 
turne  vpon  you  to  the  health  of  the  Count  Frugale.  i  The  Count 
Frugales  health  sir?  I'le  pledge  it  on  my  knees  by  lesu.  2  Will 
you  sir?  I'le  drinke  it  on  my  knees  then,  by  the  Lord.  (Drinkes.} 
3gi5  GREX.  . 

Mit.   i   Why  this  is  straunge. 
Cor.   \    Ha'you  heard  a  better  drunken  Dialogue? 

2  Nay, 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

2  Nay,  doe  me  right  Sir.  I   So  I  doe  in  good  faith.  2  Good  ^702 
faith  you  do  not;  mine  was  fuller.  I  Why  by  lesu  it  was  not. 
3920  2  By  lesu  it  was,  and  you  do  lie.  I  Lie  sir.  2  I  sir.  I  S'wounds 
you  Rascall.  2  O,  come,  stab  if  you  haue  a  mind  to  it.  I   Stab? 
dost  thou  thinke  I  dare  not?  (In  his  owne  person)  Nay,  I  beseech 
you    Gentlemen,   what    meanes  this;    nay    looke,    for  shame    re 
spect  your  Reputations. 
3925  Ouerturnes  Wine,  Pot,  Cups,  and  all. 

Enter  Macilente.  Act.V.Sc.5. 

Mac.  Why  how  now  Carlo,  what  Humor's  this? 
Carl.  O  my  good  Mischiefe,  art  thou  come?  where  are  the  rest? 
where  are  the  rest? 

3Q3O      Mac.  Faith  three  of  our  Ordinance  are  burst. 
Carl.  Burst?  how  comes  that? 
Mac.  Faith  ouer-charg'd,  ouer-charg'd. 
Carl.  But  did  not  the  traine  hold? 

Mac.  O  yes,  and  the  poore  Lady  is  irrecouerably  blown  vp. 
3g35      Carl.   Why,  but  which  of  the   Munition   is    miscarried?  ha? 
Mad.  Inprimis,  Sir  Puntarvolo:  next,  the  Countenance,  and  Reso- 
lution. 

Carl.  How?  how  for  the  loue  of  God? 

Mac.   Troth    the  Resolution  is  proou'd   Recreant;   the   Counte- 
3940  nance  hath  chang'd  his  Coppie;   and  the   Passionate  Knight,  is 
shedding  Funerall  teares  ouer  his  departed  Dogge. 
Carl.  What's  his  Dogge  dead? 

Mac.  Poison'd  'tis  thought:  marry  how,    or   by  whome,  that's 
left    for  some  Cunning   woman    heere  o'the   Banke-side    to   re- 
3p45  solue:  For  my  part,  I  know  nothing,  more  than  that  we  are  like 
to  haue  an  exceeding  Melancholly  Supper  of  it. 

Carl.  S'life,  and  I  had  purpos'd  to  be  extraordinarily  merrie: 
I  had  drunke  off  a  good  Preparatiue  of  old  Sacke  heere:  but 
will  they  come,  will  they  come? 

3<)5o  Mac.  They  will  assuredly  come:  mary  Carlo  (as  thou  lou'st 
me)  runne  ouer  'hem  alV  freely  to  night,  and  especially  the 
Knight;  spare  no  Sulphurious  jeast  that  may  come  out  of  that 
sweatie  Forge  of  thine,  but  ply  'hem  with  all  manner  of  Shot, 

Minion, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i  i3] 

Minion,  Saker,  Culverine,  or  any  thing  what  thou  wilt. 

3g55      Carl.  I  warrant  thee  my  deare  Case  of  Petrionels,  so  I  stand  not  8744 
in  dread  of  thee,  but  that  thou'lt  second  me. 
Mad.  Why  my  good  Germane  Tapster,  I  will. 
Carl.  What  George.  Lomtero,  Lomtero,  &c.  Daunceth. 

Georg.  Did  you  call,  Master  Carlo? 
3960      Carl.  More  Nectar,  George:  Lomtero,  &c. 

Geor.  Your  meat's  readie  sir,  and  your  companie  were  come. 
Carl.  Is  the  Loine  of  Porke  enough? 
Geor.  I  Sir,  it  is  enough. 

Mad.    Porke?   S'heart  what  doest  thou   with  such    a    greasie 
3g65  Dish;   I  thinke  thou  dost  Varnish  thy  face  with  the  fat  on't,   it 
lookes  so  like  a  Glew-pot. 

Carl.    True,    my    Raw-bon'd    Rogue:     and    if    thou    would'st 
farce  thy  leane  Ribs  with   it  too,   they  would  not   (like  ragged 
Lathes)  rub  out  so  many  Dublets  as  they  do:  but  thou  know'st 
3970  not  a  good  Dish,  thou.  O,  it's  the  only  nourishing  meat  in  the 
world:    No    maruaile    though    that    saucie    stubborne    Generati 
on  the  lewes,  were  forbidden  it:  for  what  would  they  ha'  done, 
well  pamper'd  with  fat  Porke,  that  durst  murmure  at  their  ma 
ker  out  of  Garlicke   and  Onions.   Sblood  fed  with  it,   the  hor- 
3975  son    strummell    patcht,    Goggle-ey'd    Grumbledories,    would    ha' 
Gigantomachiz'd.  Well  said  my  sweet  George,  fill,  fill. 

GR  E  X. 


Mil. 
Cor. 


3980 


This  sauours  too  much  of  Prophanation.  3?65 

O  servetur  ad  imum,  quails  ab  incepto  processerit,  &  sibi  con- 
stet.  The  necessitie  of  his  vaine  compels  a  tolleration: 


V  for,  barre  this,  and  dash  him  out  of  Humor  before  his 

time. 

Carl.  'Tis  an  Axiome  in  Naturall  Philosophic,   What  comes  nea 
rest  the  Nature  of  that  it  feeds,  conuerts  quicker  to  nourishment,  and  dooth 
3g85  sooner  cssentiate.  Now  nothing  in  Flesh  and  Entrailes,  assimulates 
or  resembles  Man  more,  than  a  Hog  or  Swine.  (Drinkes] 

Mad.  True;  and  hee  (to  requite  their  courtesie)  oftentimes 
d'offeth  off  his  owne  Nature,  and  puts  on  theirs;  as  when  hee 
becomes  as  churlish  as  a  Hogge,  or  as  drunke  as  a  Sow:  but  to 

P  your 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[114]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

3ggo  your  conclusion.  (Drinkes.} 

Car.  Mary  I  say,  nothing  resembling  Man  more  than  a  Swine,  3jj6 
it  follows,  nothing  can  bee  more  nourishing:  for  indeed  (but 
that  it  abhorres  from  our  nice  Nature)  if  we  fed  one  vpon  ano 
ther,  we  should  shoot  vp  a  great  deale  faster,  and  thriue  much 
3995  better:  I  referre  me  to  your  Long-lane  Cannibals,  or  such  like: 
but  since  'tis  so  contrarie,  Porke,  Porke,  is  your  only  feed. 

Mad.  I  take  it  your  Deuill  bee  of  the  same  Diet;  hee  would 
ne'rc  ha'  desir'd  to  been  incorporated  into  Swine  else.  O  here 
comes  the  Melancholly  messe:  vpon  'hem  Carlo,  charge,  charge. 
4000  Enter  Pnntarvolo,  Fastidius,  Sogliardo,  Fuugoso. 

Carl.  'Fore  God  sir  Pnntarvolo,  I  am  sorie  for  your  heauinesse; 
Bodie  a  mee,  a  shrewd  mischaunce:  why  had  you  no  Vnicornes 
home,  nor  Bezars  stone  about  you?  ha? 

Punt.  Sir,  I  would  request  you  be  silent.  Act.V.Sc.6. 

4005      Mad.  Nay,  to  him  againe. 

Carl.  Take  comfort  good  Knight,  if  your  Cat  ha'  rccouered 
her  Cataract,  feare  nothing;  your  Dogges  mischance  may  bee 
holpen. 

Fast.  Say  how  (sweet  Carlo]  for  so  God  mend  mee,  the  poore  3796 
4010  Knights  mones   draw  mee    into    fellowship    of    his   misfortunes. 
But  be  not  discouraged  good  sir  Puntarvolo,  I  am  content  your 
aduenture  shall  be  perform'd  vpon  your  Cat. 

Mad.    I    beleeue  you   Muske-cod,   I   beleeue   you,   for    rather 
than  thou    would'st  make  present  repaimet,  thou  would'st  take 
4Oi5  it  vpon  his  owne  bare  returne  from  Callice. 

Carl.  Nay  Gods  life,  hee'ld  bee  content  (so  he  were  well  rid 
out  of  his  companie)  to  pay  him  fiue  for  one  at  his  next  mee 
ting  him  in  Paulcs.  But  for  your  Dogge,  sir  Puntar,  if  hee  be  not 
out-right  dead,   there  is  a  friend   of  mine   a   Quack-salucr,  shall 
4020  put  life  in  him  againe,  that's  certaine. 
Fung.  O  no,  that  comes  too  late. 
Mad.  Gods  pretious  Knight,  will  you  suffer  this? 
Pnnt.  Drawer;  get  me  a  Candle  and  hard  waxe  presently. 
Sog.  I,  and  bring  vp  Supper;  for  I  am  so  Melancholly. 
4O25      Carl.  Ah  Signior,  where's  your  Resolution? 

Sog.  Reso- 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i  i5] 

Sog.  Resolutionl  hang  him  Rascall:  O  Carlo,  if  you  loue  me,  do 
not  mention  him. 

Carl.  Why,  how  so?  how  so?  38i5 

Sog.  O  the  arrant'st  Crocodile  that  euer  Christian  was  acquain- 
4o3o  ted  with.  By  lesu,   I  shall  thinke  the  worse  of  Tobacco  while  I 
Hue  for  his  sake:  I  did  thinke  him  to  be  as  tall  a  man — 
Mad.  Nay  Buff  one,  the  Knight,  the  Knight. 

Car.  Sblood,  hee  lookes  like   an   Image  carued   out  of  Boxe, 

full  of  knots:  his  Face  is  (for  all  the  world)  like  a  Dutch  purse 

4O35  with  the   mouth  downeward;  his   beard's  the  Tassels:    and  hee 

walkes  (let  me  see)  as  Melancholly  as  one  o'  the  Masters  side  in 

the  Counter.  Doe  you  heare  sir  Puntar? 

Punt.    Sir,    I   doe   entreat  you   no   more,   but    enjoyne   you   to 
silence,  as  you  affect  your  peace. 

4040  Carl.  Nay  but  deare  Knight  vnderstand  (here  are  none  but 
friends,  and  such  as  wish  you  wel)  I  would  ha'  you  do  this  now; 
Flea  me  your  Dog  presently  (but  in  any  case  keep  the  head)  & 
stuffe  his  skin  well  with  straw,  as  you  see  these  dead  monsters 
at  Bartholmew  faire. 
4045  Punt.  I  shall  be  suddaine  I  tell  you.  383i 

Carl.  Or  if  you  like  not  that  sir,  giue  me  somewhat  a  lesse  dog 

and  clap  into  the  skin;  here's  a  slaue  about  the  towne  here,  a 

lew,  one  Yohan;  or  a  fellow  that  makes  Periwigs  will  glew  it  on 

artificially,  it  shall  ne're  be  discern'd;  besides,  'twill  be  so  much 

4o5o  the  warmer  for  the  Hound  to  trauell  in  you  know. 

Mad.  Sir  Puntarvolo,  Sdeath  can  you  be  so  patient? 
Carl.  Or  thus  Sir:  you  may  haue  (as  you  come  through  Ger 
manic)  a  Familiar  for  little  or  nothing  shall  turn  it  selfe  into  the 
shape  of  your  Dogge,  or  any  thing  (what  you  will)   for  certaine 
4o55  howers:    Gods   my  life  knight,  what  do  you  meane?  youle  offer 
no  violence,  will  you?  Hold,  hold. 
Punt.  Sbloud  you  slaue,  you  Bandog  you. 

Car.  As   you  loue   God,  stay  the  enraged  knight,   Gentlemen. 
Punt.  By  my  knighthood,  hee  that  stirres  in  his  rescue,  dies. 
4060  Drawer  be  gone. 

Carl.  Murder,  murder,  murder. 

P  ij  Punt.  I, 


[n  6]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Punt.    I,    are    you    houling,    you  Wolfe?  Gentlemen,   as  you  8848 
tender  your  liue.«,  suffer  no  man  to  enter,  till  my  reuenge  bee 
perfect.    Sirha  Buffone,   lie  downe;   make  no  exclamations,   but 
4065  downe;  downe  you  Curre,  or  I  will  make  thy  blood  flow  on  my 
Rapier  hilts: 

Carl.  Sweet  knight  hold  in  thy  furie,  and  'fore  God   He  ho 
nour  thee  more  than  the  Turke  dos  Mahomet. 

Punt.  Downe  (I  say.)  Whose  there? 

4070      Const.  Here's  the  Constable,  open  the  dores.  Within. 

Carl.  Good  Macilente. 

Punt.  Open  no  dore,  if  the  Adalantado  of  Spaine  were  here, 
he   should  not  enter:   On,   helpe  me  with  the  light,  Gentlemen: 
you  knor.ke  in  vaine  sir  officer. 
4075      Carl.  Et  tu  Brute. 

Punt.  Sirha  close  your  lips,  or  I  will  drop  it  in  thine  eyes  by 
heauen. 

Carl.  O,O.  They  seale  vp  his  lips. 

Const.  Open  the  dore,  or  I  will  breake  it  open. 

4080      Mad.   Nay  good   Constable   haue   patience   a  little,   you  shall 
come  in  presently,  we  haue  almost  done. 

Punt.  So;  now,  are  you  out  of  your  humour  sir.  Shift  Gentle 
men.  They  all  draw  &  Exeunt. 

Enter  Constable  with  Officers,  and  stay  Briske.  Act.  V.Sc.j. 

4085      Const.   Lay  hold   vpon  this  gallant,  and  pursue  the  rest. 

Fast.  Lay  hold  on  me  sir!  for  what?  (panions. 

Const.  Mary  for  your  riot  here  sir,  with  the  rest  of  your  com- 
Fast.    My    riot!    God's    my  judge,   take  heed  what  you   doe; 
Carlo  did  I  offer  any  violence? 

4090      Const.  O  sir,  you  see  he  is  not  in  case  to  answere  you,  and  that 
makes  you  so  paramptorie. 

Fast.  Peremptorie,  Slife   I   appeale  to  the   Drawers,  if  I   did 
him  any  hard  measure.  Enter  George. 

Georg.  They  are  all  gone,  there's  none  of  them  will  bee  laid 
4095  any  hold  on. 

Const.  Well  sir,  you  are  like  to  answere  till  the  rest  can  bee 
found  out. 

Fast.  Sbloud 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [117] 

Fast.  S'bloud  I  appeale  to  George  here. 

Const.  Tut  George  was  not  here:  away  with  him  to  the  Counter  3885 
4100  sirs.  Come  sir,  you  were  best  get  your  selfe  drest  somewhere. 

Exeunt.  Manent  two  Drawers. 

Georg.  Good  Lord,  that  master  Carlo  could  not  take  heed,  and 
knowing  what  a  Gentleman  the  Knight  is  if  he   be   angrie. 

Drawer.  A  poxe  on  'hem,  they  haue  left  all  the  meat  on  our 
4lo5  hands,  would  they  were  choakt  with  it  for  me. 

Enter  Macilente. 

Mac.  What,  are  they  gone  sirs? 
Georg.  O  here's  master  Macilente. 

Mac.  Sirrah  George,  do  you  see  that  concealement  there?  that 
4110  Napkin  vnder  the  Table? 

Georg.  Gods  so',  Signior  Fungosol 

Mac.    Hee's    a    good   pawne   for  the   reckoning;    be    sure   you 
keepe  him  here,  and  let  him  not  goe  away  till  I  come  againe, 
though  he  offer  to  discharge  all;    Tie   returne   presently. 
41 15       Georg.  Sirrah  we  haue  a  pawne  for  the  Reckoning. 

Draw.  What?  of  Macilente?  3goo 

Georg.  No;  looke  vnder  the  Table. 

Fung.  I  hope  all  be  quiet  now;  if  I  can  get  but  forth  of  this 
-  street,  I  care  not.  Masters,  I  pray  you  tell  me,  is  the  Constable 
4120  gone?  Lookes  out  vnder  the  Table. 

Georg.  What?  Master  Fungoso? 

Fung.  Was't  not  a  good  deuise  the  same  of  me  Sirs? 
Geor.  Yes  faith;  ha'  you  been  here  all  this  while? 
Fung.  O  God  I:  good  sirs  looke  and  the  coast  be  cleare,  Fid 
4126  faine  be  going. 

Georg.  All's  cleare  Sir,  but  the  Reckoning;  and  that  you  must 
cleare  and  pay  before  you  go,  I  assure  you. 

Fung.   I  pay?  S'light,   I  eate  not  a  bit  since  I  came  into   the 
house  yet. 

4i3o      Draw.  Why  you  may  when  you  please  Sir,  'tis  all  ready  be 
low  that  was  bespoken. 
Fung.  Bespoken?  not  by  me,  I  hope? 

Geor.  By  you  sir?  I  know  not  that:  but  'twas  for  you  and  your 

P  iij  companie, 


[n8]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLMES 

companie,  I  am  sure. 
4l35      Fung.  My  company?  S'lid  I  was  an  inuited  guest,  so  I  was. 

Draw.  Faith  we  haue  nothing  to  doe  with  that  Sir,  they're  all 
gone  but  you,  and  wee  mus*  be  answer'd;  that's  the  short  and 
the  long  on't. 

Futig.  Nay,  if  you  will  grow  to  extremities,  my  Masters,  then 
4140  would  this  Pot,  Cup,  and  all  were  in  my  belly,  if  I  haue  a  crosse 
about  me. 

Georg.  What,  and  haue  such  Apparell?  Doe  not  say  so,  Sig- 
nior,  that  mightily  discredits  your  cloathes. 

Fung.   By   lesu  the  Taylor  had   all  my  money  this  morning, 
4145  and  yet  I  must  be  faine  to  alter  my  Sute  too:  good  Sirs,  let  me 
goe,  'tis  Friday  night;  and  in  good  truth  I  haue  no  stomack  in 
the  world  to  eat  any  thing. 
Draw.  Thai's  no  matter  so  you  pay  Sir. 

Fung.   Pay?  Gods  light,   with   what  conscience  can  you   aske 
4i5o  me  to  pay  that  I  neuer  dranke  for? 

Georg.  Yes  Sir,  I  did  see  you  drinke  once. 

Fung.  By  this  Cup  (which  is  siluer]  but  you  did  not,  you  doe 
me  infinite  wrong,  I  look't  in  the  pot  once  indeed,  but  I  did 
not  drinke. 

4i55      Draw.  Well  sir,  if  you  can  satisfie  my  Master,  it  shall  be  all 
one  to  vs.  By  and  by.  One  calls  George  within. 

Exeunt. 
G  REX. 

Cord.  Loose  not  your  selfe  now,  Signior. 
4160  Enter  Macilente  and  Deliro.  Act.V.Sc.8. 

Mad.  Tut  sir,  you  did  beare  too  hard  a  conceit  of  me  in  that, 

but  I  will  now  make  my  loue  to  you  most  transparent,  in  spight 

of  any  dust  of  suspition,  that  may  be  raised  to  dimme  it:  and 

henceforth  since  I  see  it  is  so  against  your  Humor,  I  will  neuer 

4l65  labour  to  persuade  you. 

Deli.  Why  I  thanke  you  Signior,  but  what's  that  you  tell 
me  may  concerne  my  peace  so  much? 

Mac.  Faith  sir,  'tis  thus.  Your  wiues  brother  Signior  Fungoso 
being  at  supper  to  night  at  a  Tauerne  with  a  sort  of  Gallants: 

there 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [119] 

4170  there  happened  some  diuision  amongst  'hem,  and  he  is  left  in 
pawne  for  the  Reckoning:  now  if  euer  you  look  that  time  shall 
present  you  with  a  happie  occasion  to  doe  your  wife  some  gra 
cious  &  acceptable  seruice,  take  hold  of  this  opportunitie,  and 
presently  go  and  redeeme  him;  for  being  her  brother,  and  his 
4175  credit  so  amply  engaged  as  now  it  is,  when  she  shall  heare  (as 
he  cannot  himselfe,  but  hee  must  of  extremitie  report  it)  that 
you  came  and  offered  your  self  so  kindly,  and  with  that  respect 
of  his  Reputation,  S'lud  the  benefit  cannot  but  make  her  dote, 
and  grow  mad  of  your  affections. 

4180      Deli.  Now  by  heauen  Macilentc,  I  acknowledge  my  selfe  ex-  3g58 
ceedingly  indebted  to   you,    by  this   kind   tender   of  your    loue; 
and  I  am  sorry  to  remember  that  I  was  euer  so  rude  to  neglect 
a  friend  of  your  worth,  bring  me  shoes  and  a  cloke  there,  I  was 
going  to  bed  if  you  had  not  come,  what  Tauerne  is  it? 
4185      Mac.  The  Mitre  sir. 

Deli.  O;  why  Fido,  my  shoes.  Good  faith  it  cannot  but  please 
her  exceedingly.  Enter  Fallace. 

Fall.  Come,  I  marl'e  what  peece   of  nightworke  you   haue  in 
hand  now,  that  you  call  for  your  cloake  and  your  shoes:  what, 
4190  is  this  your  Pandor? 

Deli.  O  sweet  wife  speake  lower,  I  would  not  he  should  heare 
thee  for  a  world — 

Fall.  Hang  him  rascall,  I  cannot  abide  him  for  his  treacherie, 
with    his   wild    quicke-set  beard  there.   Whither  goe  you   now 
4195  with  him? 

Deli.  No  whither  with  him  deare  wife,  I  go  alone  to  a  place, 

from  whence  I  will   returne  instantly.   Good  Macilente  acquaint 

not  her  with  it  by  any  meanes,  it  may  come  so  much  the  more 

accepted,  frame   some    other  answere,  Fie  come  backe  immedi- 

4200  atly.  Exit  Deliro. 

Fall.  Nay,  and  I  be  not  worthie  to  know  whither  you  go,  stay 
till  I  take  knowledge  of  your  comming  backe. 
Mac.  Heare  you  Mistres  Deliro. 
Fall.  So  sir,  and  what  say  you? 

4205      Mac.  Faith  Ladie,  my  intents  will  not  deserue  this  slight  re 
spect 


f  1 20]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

spect,  when  you  shall  know  'hem.  (sake? 

Fall.  Your  intents?  why,  what  may  your  intent  be  for   Gods  $982 
Mac.  Troth  the  time  allows  no  circumstance  Lady,  therefore 
know,  this  was  but  a  deuise  to  remooue  your  Husband  hence, 
4210  and   bestow  him    securely,   whil'st   (with  more   conueniencie)   I 
might  report  to  you  a  misfortune   that  hath  happened  to  Mon 
sieur  Briske\  nay  comfort  sweet  Ladie.  This  night  (being  at  sup 
per)  a  sort  of  young  Gallants  committed  a  Riot,  for  the  which 
he  (onely)  is  apprehended  and  carried  to  the  Counter,  where  if 
42i5  your  Husband  &  other   Creditors   should   but    haue   knowledge 
oi  him,  the  poore  Gentleman  were  vndone  for  euer. 
Fall.  Aye  me,  that  he  were. 

Mad.    Now    therefore,    if  you    can  thinke    vpon   any  present 
meanes  for  his  deliuerie,  doe  not  forslow  it.  A  bribe  to  the  offi- 
4220  cer  that  committed  him,  will  doe  it. 

Fall.  O  God  sir,  he  shall  not  want  for  a  bribe:  pray  you,  will 
you  commend  me  to  him,  and  say  Fie  visit  him  presently. 

Mac.  No  Lady,  I  shall  do  you   better  seruice  in   protracting 
your  husbands  returne,  that  you  may  go  with  more  safetie? 
4225  Exit. 

Fall.  Good  truth  so  you  may;  farewell  good  Sir.  Lord  how  a 
woman  may  be  mistaken  in  a  man?  I  would  haue  sworne  vpon 
all  the  Testaments  in  the  world  he  had  not  lou'd  master  Briske. 
Bring  me  my  keyes  there  maid:  Alasse  good  Gentleman,  if  all 
423o  I  haue  i'this  earthly  world  will  pleasure  him,  it  shall  be  at  his 
seruice.  Exit. 

G  R  EX. 

Mil.  How  Macilente  sweats  i'this  businesse,  if  you  mark  him? 
Cord.  I,  you  shall  see  the  true  picture  of  Spight  anon,  here 
4235  comes  the  Pawne  and  his  Redeemer. 

Enter  Deliro,  Fungoso,  Drawer  following  them.  Act.V.Sc.g. 

Deli.  Come  brother,  be  not  discourag'd  for  this  man,  what  ? 
Drawer.  No  truly,  I  am  not  discourag'd,  but  I  protest  to  you 
Brother   I   haue    done    imitating    any    more    Gallants    either    in 
4240  purse  or  apparell,   but  as   shall  become  a  Gentleman  for  good 
carriage  or  so. 

Deli.  You 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  |i2ij 

Deli.  You  say  well.  This  is  all  i'  the  bill  here?  is't  not?  4018 

Georg.  I  Sir. 

Deli.  There's  your  money,  tell  it:  and  Brother,   I   am  glad  I 
4245  met  with  so  good  occasion  to  shew  my  loue  to  you. 

Fung.  I  will  studie  to  deserue  it  in  good  truth,  and  I  Hue. 
Deli.  What  is't  right? 

Geor.  I  Sir,  and  I  thanke  you.  (is  paid. 

Fung.  Let  me  haue  a  Capons  legge  sau'd,  now  the  reckoning    •   r. 
4260      Geor.  You  shall  Sir.  Exit.        Enter  Mad. 

Mad.  Where's  Signior  Deliro? 
Deli.  Here  Madlente. 

Mad.  Harke  you  sir,  ha'  you  dispatcht  this  same? 
Deli.  I  marry  haue  I. 

4255      Mad.  Well  then,  I  can  tell  you  news,  Briske  is  i'  the  Counter. 
Deli.  I'  the  Counter? 

Mac.  'Tis  true  Sir,  committed  for  the  stirre  here  to  night.  4080 
Now  would  I  haue  you  send  your  brother  home  afore,  with  the 
report  of  this  your  kindnesse  done  him  to  his  sister,  which  will 
4260  so  pleasingly  possesse  her,  and  out  of  his  mouth  too,  that  i'  the 
meane  time  you  may  clap  your  Action  on  Briske,  and  your  wife 
(being  in  so  happie  a  mood)  cannot  entertaine  it  ill  by  any 
meanes. 

Deli.  'Tis  very  true,  she  cannot  indeed,  I  thinke. 

4266      Mac.    Thinke?    why'ts    past    thought,   you    shall    neuer    meete 
the  like  opportunitie,  I  assure  you. 

Deli.  I  will  doe  it.  Brother  pray  you  go  home  afore,  this  Gent, 
and  I  haue  some  priuate  businesse;  and  tell  my  sweet  wife,  He 
come  presently. 
4270      Fung.  I  will  Brother. 

Mad.   And    Signior,   acquaint    your  sister,   how  liberally  and 
out  of  his   bountie,  your  brother  has  vs'd  you.   (Doe  you  see?) 
made  you   a  man   of   good   Reckoning;   redeem'd  that    you   ne 
uer  were  possest  of,  Credite;  gaue  you  as  Gentlemanlike  terms 
4275  as  might  be;  found  no  fault  with  your  comming  behind  the  fa 
shion;  nor  nothing. 
Fung.  Nay  I  am  out  of  those  Humors  now. 

Q  Mac.  Well, 

[HOLME'S  QUARTO] 


[I22]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

Mad.  Well,  if  you  be  out,  keepe  your  distance,  and  bee  not 
made  a  Shot-clog  no  more.  Come  Sig.  let's  make  hast.  Exeunt. 
428o  Enter  Briske  and  Fallace.  Act.  V.Sc.i 

Fall.  O  maister  Fastidius,  what  pittie  is't  to  see  so  sweet  a  man 
as  you  are  in  so  soure  a  place?  and  kisses  him. 

G  RE  X. 

Cord.  (As  vpon  her  lips  do's  she  meane? 
4285      Mit.     (O,  this  is  to  be  imagined  the  Counter  belike? 

Fast.  Troth  faire  Ladie,  'tis  first  the  pleasure  of  the  Fates, 
and  next  of  the  Constable  to  haue  it  so,  but,  I  am  patient,  and 
indeed  comforted  the  more  in  your  kind  visitation. 

Fall.  Nay,  you  shall  bee  comforted  in  me  more  than  this,  if 
4290  you  please  Sir.  I  sent  you  word  by  my  Brother  Sir,  that  my  hus 
band  laid  to  rest  you  this  morning,  I  know  not  whether  you  re- 
ceiu'd  it,  or  no? 

Fast.  No  beleeue  it,  sweet  Creature,  your  Brother  gaue  mee 
no  such  intelligence. 
4295      Fall.  O  the  Lord! 

Fast.  But  has  your  husband  any  such  purpose? 

Fall.  O  God  Maister  Briske,  yes:  and  therefore  bee  presently 

discharg'd  ;  for  if  he  come  with  his  Actions  vpon  you  (Lord  de- 

liuer  you)  you  are  in  for  one  halfe  a  score  yeare;  he  kept  a  poor 

4800  man  in  Ludgate  once,  twelue  year  for  sixteene  shillings.  Where's 

your  keeper,  for  Gods  loue  call  him,  let  him  take  a  bribe,  and 

dispatch  you,  Lord  how  my  heart  trembles!  here  are  no  spies? 

are  there? 

Fast.  No  sweet  mistresse,  why  are  you  in  this  passion. 

43o5  Fall.  O  Christ  Maister  Fastidius,  if  you  knew  how  I  tooke  vp  4075 
my  husband  to  day,  when  he  said  he  would  arrest  you;  and  how 
I  rail'd  at  him  that  persuaded  him  to't,  the  Scholler  there,  (who 
on  my  conscience  loues  you  now)  &  what  care  I  tooke  to  send 
you  intelligence  by  my  Brother;  and  how  I  gaue  him  foure  So- 
43io  ueraignes  for  his  paines;  and  now,  how  I  came  running  out 
hether  without  man  or  boy  with  mee,  so  soone  as  I  heard  on't; 
you'ld  say,  I  were  in  a  Passion  indeed:  your  keeper  for  Gods 
sake.  O  Master  Brisk  (as  'tis  in  Euphues)  Hard  is  the  choise,  when  one  is 

compelled 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

compelled  either  by  silence  to  die  withgreef^or  by  speaking  to  Hue  with  shame. 
43i5      Fast.  Faire  Ladie  I  conceiue  you,  and  may  this  kisse  assure 
you,  that  where  Aduersitie  hath  (as  it  were)   contracted,   Pros- 
peritie  shall  not — Gods  light  your  Husband. 
Fall.  O  mee! 

Enter  Deliro.  Macilente.  Act.V.Sc.n 

4320      Deli.  I?  is't  thus! 

Mad.  Why  how  now  Signior  Deliro?  has  the  Wolfe  scene 
you?  ha?  hath  Gorgons  head  made  marble  on  you? 
Deli.  Some  Planet  strike  me  dead. 

Mad.   Why  looke  you  Sir,   I  told  you,  you  might  haue   sus- 
4325  pected  this  long  afore,  had  you  pleas'd;  and  ha  'sau'd  this  labor 
of  Admiration  now,  and   Passion,  and  such  extremities   as  this 
fraile  lumpe  of  Flesh  is  subiect  vnto.  Nay,  why  do  you  not  dote 
now   Signior?   Mee  thinkes  you  should   say  it  were   some   En 
chantment,  Deceptio  visus,  or  so,  ha?  if  you  could  persuade  your 
433o  selfe  it  were  a  dreame  now,  'twere    excellent:    faith   trie   what 
you    can    doe    Signior;   it  may  bee    your   Imagination  will   bee 
brought  to  it  in  time,  there's  nothing  impossible. 
Fall.  Sweet  Husband? 

Deli.  Out  lasciuious  Strumpet.  Exit  Deliro. 

4335  Mad.  What?  did  you  see  how  ill  that  stale  vain  became  him  4108 
afore,  of  Sweet  Wife,  and  Deare  heart?  and  are  you  fame 
just  into  the  same  now?  with  Sweet  Husband.  Away,  follow 
him,  goe,  keepe  state,  what?  Remember  you  are  a  woman:  turn 
impudent:  gi'him  not  the  head,  though  you  gi'  him  the  homes, 
4340  Away.  Exit  Fallace. 

And  yet  mee  thinkes  you  should  take  your  leaue  of  Infans-per- 
dus  here,  your  forlorne  hope.  How  now  Mounsieur  Brisk:  what? 
Friday  at  night?  and  in  affliction  too?  and  yet  your  Pulpa- 
menta?  your  delicate  Morsels:  I  perceiue  the  affection  of  La- 
4346  dies  and  Gentlewomen,  pursues  you  wheresoeuer  you  goe 
Mounsieur. 

Fast.  Now  in  good  faith  (and  as  I  am  Gentle)  there  could  not 
haue  come  a  thing  i'  this  world  to  haue  distracted  mee  more 
than  the  wrinckled  fortunes  of  this  poore  Dame. 

Q  ij  Mad.  O 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 


435o  Mad.  O  yes  Sir:  I  can  tell  you  a  thing  will  distract  you 
much  better,  beleeue  it.  Signior  Deliro  has  entrecl  three  Actions 
against  you,  three  Actions  Mounsieur:  marry  one  of  them  (He 
put  you  in  comfort)  is  but  three  thousand  mark,  and  the  other 
two  some  fiue  thousand  pound  together,  trifles,  trifles. 

4355      Fast.  O  God,  I  am  vndone. 

Mad.  Nay  not  altogether  so  Sir,  the  Knight  must  haue  his 
hundred  pound  repai'd,  that  '11  helpe  too,  and  then  sixescore 
pound  for  a  Diamond:  you  know  where?  these  be  things  will 
weigh  Mounsieur;  they  will  weigh. 

436o      Fast.  O  lesu! 

Mad.  What  doe  you  sigh?  this  it  is  to  kisse  the  hand  of  a 
Countesse,  to  haue  hir  Coach  sent  for  you,  to  hang  Poinards  in 
Ladies  garters,  to  weare  Bracelets  of  their  haire,  and  for  euery 
one  of  these  great  fauours  to  giue  some  slight  lewell  of  fiue 

4365  hundred  crownes,  or  so,  why  'tis  nothing.  Now  Mounsieur,  you 
see  the  plague  that  treads  o'  the  heeles  of  your  fopperie,  well, 
:gbe  your  waies  in;  Remoue  your  selfe  to  the  two-penny  ward 
quickly  to  saue  charges,  and  there  set  vp  your  rest  to  spend  Sir 
Pitntars  hundred  pound  for  him.  Away  good  Pomander,  goe. 

4370  Exit  Briske. 

Why  here's  a  change:  Now  is  my  soule  at  peace,  4188 

I  am  as  emptie  of  all  Enuie  now, 

As  they  of  merit  to  be  envied  at, 

My  Humor  (like  a  flame)  no  longer  lasts  4188 

43y5  Than  it  hath  stuffe  to  feed  it,  and  their  vertue, 
Being  now  rak't  vp  in  embers  of  their  Follie, 
Affords  no  ampler  Subject  to  my  Spirit  ; 

I  am  so  farre  from  malicing  their  states,  4142 

That  I  begin  to  pittie  them:  it  greeues  me 

438o  To  thinke  they  haue  a  being-  I  could  wish 

They  might  turne  wise  vpon  it,  and  be  sau'd  now, 
So  Heauen  were  pleas'd:  but  let  them  vanish  Vapors. 
And  now  with  Aspers  tongue  (though  not  his  shape) 
Kind  Patrons  of  our  sports  (you  that  can  judge, 

4385  And  with  discerning  thoughts  measure  the  pace 

Of 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [128] 

Of  our  straunge  Muse  in  this  her  Maze  of  Humor, 

You,  whose  true  Notions  doe  confine  the  formes 

And  nature  of  sweet  Poesie]  to  you 

I  tender  solemne  and  most  duteous  thankes, 
4890  For  your  stretcht  patience  and  attentiue  grace. 

We  know  (and  we  are  pleas'd  to  know  so  much) 

The  Gates  that  you  haue  tasted  were  not  season'd 

For  euery  vulgar  Pallat,  but  prepar'd 

To  banket  pure  and  apprehensiue  eares: 
43g5  Let  then  their  Voices  speake  for  our  desert ; 

Be  their  Applause  the  Trumpet  to  proclaime 

Defiance  to  rebelling  Ignorance, 

And  the  greene  spirits  of  some  tainted  Few, 

That  (spight  of  pittie)  betray  themselues 
4400  To  Scorne  and  Laughter;  and  like  guiltie  Children, 

Publish  their  iiifancie  before  their  time^ 

By  their  owne  fond  exception:  Such  as  these 

Wee  pawne  'hem  to  your  censure,  till  Time,  Wit, 

Or  Obseruation,  set  some  stronger  scale 
4405  Of  iudgement  on  their  iudgements;  and  entreat 

The  happier  spirits  in  this  faire-fild  Globe, 

(So  many  as  haue  sweet  minds  in  their  breasts, 

And  are  too  wise  to  thinke  themselues  are  taxt 

In  any  generall  Figure,  or  too  vertuous 
4410  To  need  that  wisdomes  imputation:) 

That  with  their  bounteous  Hands  they  would  confirme 

This,  as  their  pleasures  Patient:  which  so  sign'd, 

Our  leane  and  spent  Endeauours  shall  renue 

Their  Beauties  with  the  Spring  to  smile  on  you. 


44i5  FINIS. 


I 


[i26]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [HOLME'S 

T  had  another  Catastrophe  or  Conclusion  at   the   first 
Playing,  :    which      (^TOT^jWAianxv^rwra^flofr) 
many  seem'd  not  to  rellish  it;  and  therefore  'twas  since 
alter'd:  yet  that  a  right-ei'd  and  solide  Reader  may  perceiue 
4420  it  was  not  so  great  a  part  of  the  Heauen  awry,  as  they  would 
make  it;  we  request  him  but  to  looke  downe  vpon  these  fol 
lowing  Reasons. 

1  There  hath  been  President  of  the  like  Presentation  in  diners 
Playes:  and  is  yeerely  in  our  Cittie  Pageants  or  skewe*  of 

4425       Triumph. 

2  //  is  to  be  conceiudjhat  Macilente  being  so  strongly  possest 
with  Enuie,  (as  the  Poet  heere  makes  him)  it  must  bee  no 
sleight  or  common  Object,  that  should  effect  sosuddaineand 
straunge  a  cure  vpon  him,  as  the  putting  him  rleaneOui  of 

4430       his  Humor. 

3  If  his  Imagination  had  discours't  the  whole  world  ouer  for 
an  Object,  it  could  not  haue  met  with  a  more  Proper,  Emi 
nent,  or  worthie  Figure,  than  that  of  her  Maiesties:  which 
his  Election  (though  boldly,  yet  respectively)  vsd  to  a  Mo- 

44.35       rail  and  Mysterious  end. 

4  His  greedinesse  to  catch  at  any  Occasion,  that  might  ex- 
presse  his  affection  to  his  Soueraigne,  may  worthily  plead 
for  him. 

5  There  was  nothing  (in  his  examind  Opinion)  that  could 
4440       more  neare  or  truly  exempli  fie  the  power  and  strength  of  her 

Inualuable  Vertues,  than  the  working  of  so  per  feet  a  Mira 
cle  on  so  oppos'd  a  Spirit,  who  not  only  persisted  in  his  Hu 
mor,  but  was  now  come  to  the  Court  with  a  purposd  reso 
lution  (hissouleas  it  werenew  drestin  Enuie) to  maligne  at 
4445       any  th  ing  that  should  front  him ;  when  sodainly  (against  ex 
pectation, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [127] 

pectation,  and  all  steele  of  his  Malice)  the  verie  wonder  of  her 
Presence  strikes  him  to  the  earth  dumbe,  and  astonisht.  From 
whence  rising  and  recouering  heart,  his  Passion  thus  vtters 
it  selfe. 

4460      Mad.  Blessed,  Diuine,  Vnblemisht,  Sacred,  Pure, 

Glorious  immortall,  and  indeed  Immense^ 

O  that  I  had  a  world  of  Attributes, 

To  lend  or  adde  to  this  high  Maiestie: 

Neuer  till  now  did  Obiect  greet  mine  eyes  4169 

4455  With  any  light  Content:  but  in  her  Graces 

All  my  malitious  Powers  haue  lost  their  stings: 

Enuie  is  fled  my  Soule  at  sight  of  her, 

And  shee  hath  chac'd  all  blacke  thoughts  from  my  bosome 

Like  as  the  Sunne  doth  darknesse  from  the  world. 
4460  My  streame  of  Humor  is  run  out  of  me: 

And  as  our  Citties  Torrent  (bent  t'infect 

The  hallow'd  bowels  of  the  siluer  Thames] 

Is  checkt  by  strength  and  clearenesse  of  the  Riuer, 

Till  it  hath  spent  it  selfe  e'ene  at  the  shore  ; 
4465  So  in  the  ample  and  vnmeasur'd  Flood  4180 

Of  her  Perfections,  are  my  Passions  drown'd: 

And  I  haue  now  a  Spirit  as  sweet  and  cleere, 

As  the  most  rarefi'd  and  subtill  Aire; 

With  which,  and  with  a  heart  as  pure  as  Fire, 
4470  (Yet  humble  as  the  Earth)  doe  I  implore,  He  kneeles. 

O  Heauen:  that  Shee  (whose  Figure  hath  effected 

This  change  in  me)  may  neuer  suffer  Change 

In  her  Admir'd  and  happie  Gouernment: 

May  still  this  Hand  be  call'd  Fortunate, 
4475  And  Rugged  Treason  tremble  at  the  sound  4190 

When  Fame  shall  speake  it  with  an  Emphasis. 

Let  forraine  Pollicie  be  dull,'as  Lead, 

And  pale  Inuasion  come  with  halfe  a  heart 

When  he  but  lookes  vpon  her  blessed  Soile: 

The 


[128]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  LHOLMB'S  QUARTO] 

4480  The  Throat  of  Warre  be  stopt  within  her  Land, 
And  Turtle-footed  Peace  daunce  fairie  Rings 
About  her  Court;  where  neuer  may  there  come 
Suspect  or  Daunger,  but  all  Trust  and  Safetie: 
Let  Flatterie  be  dumbe,  and  Enuie  blind 
4485  In  her  dread  Presence:  Death  himselfe  admire  her: 
And  may  her  Vertues  make  him  to  forget 
The  vse  of  his  ineuitable  hand. 
Fly  from  her  Age;  Sleepe  Time  before  her  Throne, 

Our  strongest  wall  falls  downe  when  she  is  gone.  4204 

4490    Here  the  Trumpets  sound  a  flourish,  in  which  time  Macilente  conuerts 
himselfe  to  them  that  supply  the  place  of  GREX,  and  speakes. 

.      GREX. 

Mac.  How  now  sirs?  how  like  you  it?  has't  not  ben  tedious?  4147 
Cor.  Nay,  we  ha'  done  censuring,  now. 

4495      M it.  Yes  faith.  41 5o 

Mac.  How  so? 

Cor.  Mary  because  wee'le  imitate  your  Actors,  and  be  out  of 
our  Humors.  Besides,  here  are  those  (round  about  you)  of  more 
abilitie  in  Censure  than  we,  whose  iudgements  can  giue  it  a  more 
45oo  satisfying  Allowance:  wee'le  referre  you  to  them. 

Mac.  I?  is't  e'en  so?  Well,  Gentlemen,  I  should  haue  gone 
in,  and  return'd  to  you  as  I  was  Asper  at  the  first:  but  (by  reason 
the  Shift  would  haue  been  somwhat  long,  and  wee  are  loth  to 
draw  your  Patience  any  farder)  wee'le  intreat  you  to  imagine 
45o5  it.  And  now  (that  you  may  see  I  will  be  out  of  Humor  for  com- 
panie)  I  stand  wholly  to  your  kind  Approbation,  and  (indeed)  am 
nothing  so  peremptorie  as  I  was  in  the  beginning:  Marie  I 
will  not  do  as  Plautus  in  his  A  mphitryo  for  all  this  (Summi  louis  cau 
sa,  Plaudite:}  begge  a  Plaudite  for  Gods  sake;  but  if  you  (out  of 
45io  the  Bountie  of  yonr  good  liking)  will  bestow  it;  why,  you  may 
(in  time)  make  leane  Macilente  as  fat  as  Sir  John  Fallstaffe. 

Exeunt. 

ego     ventosce    plebis    suffragia    venor. 

O 


Materialien  zur  Kuncle 

clcs 
alteren  Englischen  Dramas 


jWaterialien  zur 

des  alteren  Englisehen  Dramas 

UNTER  MITWIRKUNG  DER  HERREN 


F.  S.  Boas-LoNDON,  A.  Brandl-BERLiN,  R.  Brotanek-WiEN,  F.  I.  Carpenter- 
ClllCAGO,  Ch.  Crawford-LoNDON,  G.  H.  Churchill-AMHERST,  W.  Creizenach- 
KKAKAU,  E.  Eckhardt-pREiuuRG  I.  B.,  A.  Feuillerat-RENNES,  R.  Fischer- 
INNSBRUCK,  W.  W.  Greg- LONDON,  F.  Holthausen-KiEL,  J.  Hoops-HiiiDELBERG, 
W.  Keller-jENA,  R.  B.  Me  Kerrow- LONDON,  G.  L.  Kittredge-CAMBRiDGE, 
MASS.,  E.  Koeppel-STRASSBURG,  J.  Le  Gay  Brereton-SlDNEY,  H.  Logeman- 
GENT,  J.  M.  Manly-CmCAGO.  G.  Sarrazin-BRESLAU,  f  L.  Proescholdt-FRiED- 
RICHSPORF,  A.  Schroer-CoLX,  G.  C.  Moore  Smith-SHEFFlELD,  G.  Gregory 
Smith-BELFAST,  A.  E.  H.  Swaen-GRONlNGEN,  A.  H.  Thorndike-EvANSTON, 
ILL.,  A.  Wagner-HALLE  A.  S. 

BEGRUENDET   UND    HERAUSGEGEBEN 


VON 


W.  BANG 

o.  6.  Professor  der  Englisehen  Philologie  an  der  Universitat  Louvain 


SIEBZEHNTER  BAND 


LOUVAIN 

A.  UYSTPRUYST 


LEIPZIG 


O.  HARRASSOWITZ 


LONDON 

DAVID  NUTT 


1907 


BEN  JONSON'S 


EVERY  MAN  OUT  OF  HIS  HUMOR 


REPRINTED 


FROM  LINGE'S  QUARTO  OF  1600 


BY 


W.  Bang  AND  W.  W.  Greg 


LOUVAIN 

A.  UYSTPRUYST 


LEIPZIG 

O.  HARRASSOWITZ 


LONDON 

DAVID  NUTT 


1907 


PREFATORY  NOTE 


The  play  of  Every  Man  out  of  his  Humour  appears  twice  in  the  volumes  of 
the  Stationers'  Register,  as  follows  : 

8  Aprilis  [1600]  William  holme  Entred  for  his  copie  vnder  the  handes  of 
master  harsnet.  and  master  wyndet  warden.  A  Comicall  Satyre  of 
euery  man  out  of  his  humour  .  ^"  ;  .  .  .  .  vjd 

[Arber,  III.  i59.] 

28°.  Aprilis  i638....  Master  Bishop  Assigned  ouer  vnto  him  by  vertue  of 
a  note  vnder  the  hand  and  seale  of  master  Smethw[i]cke  and  subscri 
bed  by  Master  Bourne  warden  all  the  Right  and  interest  in  a  play 
called  Euery  man  out  of  his  humour  by  Ben  :  Johnson  .  .  vjd 

[Arber,  IV.  417-] 

An  edition  in  quarto  was  published  in  1600  by  William  Holme.  The 
printer,  as  shown  by  the  device  on  the  title  page,  was  Peter  Short.  An 
other  edition  in  quarto,  bearing  the  same  date,  was  printed,  by  whom  is 
uncertain,  for  Nicholas  Linge,  who  continued  in  business  till  1607.  Linge's 
edition  is  a  careless  and  ignorant  reprint  of  Holme's  and  possesses  no 
independent  authority.  Of  Holme's  edition  copies  are  extant  in  the  Bod 
leian  and  Dyce  libraries  ;  of  Linge's  in  the  same  and  in  the  British  Museum 
as  well  (C.  57.  c.  22). 

Both  early  editions  are  now  reprinted  in  the  Materialien.  The  text  of  Hol 
me's  quarto  has  been  set  up  from  a  transcript  of  the  Bodleian  copy,  and  the 
proofs  have  been  read  with  that  in  the  Dyce  library.  No  variations  have  i 
been  discovered.  The  reprint  of  Linge's  quarto  follows  the  British  Museum 
copy;  reference  has  been  had  to  the  Dyce  copy,  also  without  revealing  any 
variations.  As  usual  the  reprints  aim  at  following  their  respective  originals 
as  faithfully  as  possible.  All  misprints  have  been  retained,  including 
turned  letters  and  wrong  founts.  The  spacing  has  of  necessity  been  norma 
lised,  but  the  division  of  words  has  in  all  cases  been  preserved. 

The  lines  have  been  numbered  throughout,  and  correspondence  with  the 
text  of  the  1616  folio  (Mattriattett,  VII)  noted  in  the  right  hand  margin. 

The  following  peculiarities  deserve  mention.  In  Holme's  quarto  sheets 
I-Q  are  printed  in  a  different  type  from  that  used  for  the  beginning  of  the 
book.  This  is  most  clearly  seen  in  the  case  of  the  italic  fount,  but  the  roman 
differs  also.  In  Linge's  quarto  sheet  N  is  wrongly  imposed,  pages  102  and 
io3  having  changed  places. 

On  pages  no  and  in  of  both  quartos  a  mistake  has  unfortunately  occured 
in  the  numbering  of  the  lines.  Line  388i  should  be  marked  388o*«  and  the 
number  3885  should  go  one  line  higher. 


The  comical!  Satyre  of 

EVERYMAN 

OVT    OF   HIS 

H  V  M  O  R. 
Axicwasfirflcompofcd  by  the  Author  B.I. 

"'-, 

Containing  more  iben  k/itb  been  fublikgly 
JpoR$n  or  atfed. 

W  ith  the  feuerall  Charadlcr  ofeucry  pcrfon. 

Nott  alien*  meo  prejfipede  \  *fiproyiut  ftet 
Te  client  magis  \  *  ^-  ctecia  rcpetitaplacebtMt. 


LONDON, 

Printed  for  Nicholas  Linge. 


O  O. 


The  names  of  the  actors. 

ASPER,  ThcPrcfencer. 

MACILENTE.  SA  VIOLIN  A.  SORD1DO.  His  Hmd. 

r  His  Ladie.        i 

I  Waiting  Gent  I  CTaylor. 

<  Huntfman. 


Seruingmen.z.  I  £Shoraaker. 

L  Dog  oiid  Cat.   J 

Carlo  Bttffone.    SoglUrdo. 

\RuJlici. 
Fajlid.  Brifke.-^Cinedo  his  Page.  ^Shift.  I  AGroomc. 

*j  Drawers. 
Dcliro.  C  Tido  their  Seruant.  7  Clout.     \  Conftable  and 


faflace. 

CREX. 
CORDATrS.      LM2T1S. 


[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


AS  PER  his  Character. 

Folio 

HE  is  of  an  ingenious  and  free  spirite,  eager,  and  constant  in  reproofe,        3g 
without  feare  controulling  the  worldes  abuses;  One  whom  no  seruile 
hope  ofgaine,  or  frostie  apprehension  of  danger,  can  make  to  be  a  Para- 
5  site,  either  to  Time,  Place,  or  Opinion. 

MACILENTE. 

A    Man  well  parted,  a  sufficient  Scholler,  and  trauail'd;  who  (wanting  that 

place  in  the  worldes  account,  which  he  thinkes  his  merit  capable  of)  fals 

into  such  an  enuious  Apoplexie,  with  which  his  iudgement  is  so  dazeled 

10  and  distasted,  that  he  growes  violently  impatient  of  any  opposite  happinesse  in 

another. 

PVNTARVOLO. 
A    Vaine-glorious    Knight,    ouer-Englishing   his    trauels,  and   wholly  conse-        So 

crated  to   Singularities  the  very    locobs  staffe    of   Complement:  a  Sir  that 
1 5  hath  liu'd  to  see  the  reuolution  of  Time  in  most  of  his  apparrell.  Of  presence 

good  ynough,  but  so  palpably  affected  to  his  owne  prayse,  that  for  want  of  flat 
terers,  he  commendes  himselfe  to  the  floutage  of  his  owne  familie.  He  deales 
vpon  returnes,  &  strange  performances,  resoluing,  in  despight  of  publique  de 
rision,  to  sticke  to  his  owne  particular  fashion,  phrase,  and  gesture. 


deest\ 

20  ( 


21  CARLO   BVFFONE. 

A    Publike-scurrulous,  and  prophane  Tester,  that  (more  swift  than  Circe  with        5g 
obsurd  Simele's  will  transforme  any  person  into  Deformitie.  A  good  Feast- 
hound  or  Banket-beagell,  that  will  sent  you  out  a  Supper  fome  three  mile 
25  off,  and  sweare  to  his  Patrons  (God  dam  me)  he  came  in  Oares,  when  he  was 
but  wafted  ouer  in  a  Sculler.  A  slaue  that  hath  an  extraordinarie  gift  in  plea 
sing  his  Pallat,  and  will  swill  vp  more  Sacke  at  a  sitting,  than  would  make  all 
the  Guard  a  Posset.  His  Religion  is  Rayling,  and  his  Discourse  Ribaldrie.  They 
stand  highest  in  his  respect,  whom  he  studies  most  to  reproch. 


deest  I 
3oi 


3i  PASTIDIVS  BRISKE. 

A    Neate  spruce  affecting  Courtier,  one  that  weares  clothes  well,  and  in  Fa-        6g 
shion;  practiseth  by  his  glasse  how  to  salute:  speakes  good  Remnants  (not 
withstanding  the  Base-violl,   and   Tobacco:}  sweares   tersely,  and  with  va- 
35  rietie,  cares  not  what  Ladyes  fauour  he  belies,  or  great  mans  familiaritie:  a 
good  propertie  to   perfume  the  boote  of  a  Coach.  He  will  borrow  an  other 

A  ii.  mans 


NT  [LINGE'S 

mans  to  prayse,  and  backes  him  as  his  owne.  Or  for  a  need  on  foote  can  post 
himselfe  into  erudite  with  his  Merchant,  onely  with  the  gingle  of  his  Spurre, 
and  the  ierke  of  his  Wand. 

4o  DELIRO. 

A    Good  doting  Citizen,  who  (it  is  thought)  might  be  of  the  common  Coun-        79 
^^  sell  for  his  wealth:  a  fellow  sincerely  besotted  on  his  owne  wife,  and  so 
rapt  with  a  conceit  of  her  perfections,  that  he  simply  holdes  himselfe  vn- 
worthy  of  her:  And  in  that  hood-winkt  humor,  Hues  more  like  a  suter  than  a 
45  husband;  standing  in  as  true  dread  of  her  displeasure,  as  when  he  first  made  loue 
to  her.  He  doth  sacrifice  two  pence  in  luniper  to  her  euery  morning  before  she 
rises,  and   makes    her   with   villanous-out-of-tune  musicke,  which  she  out  of  her 
contempt  (though  not  out  of  her  Judgement)  is  sure  to  dislike. 

.      FALLACE. 

Eliro's  Wife  and  I  doll,  a  proud  mincing  Peat,  and  as  peruerse  as  he  is  offici-       89 
ous,  shee  dotes  as  perfectly  vpon  the  Courtier,  as  her  husband  doth  on  her, 
and  onely  wants  the  Face  to  be  dishonest. 

SAVIOLINA. 

55    A   Court  Lady,  whose  weightiest  prayse  is  a  light  wit,  admir'de  by  her  selfe 
and  one  more,  her  seruant  Briske. 

SORDIDO. 

A   Wretched  Hobnail'd  Chuffe,  whose  recreation  is  reading  of  Almanackes\ 
and  felicitie,  foule  weather:  One  that  neuer  pray'd,  but  for  a  kane  Dearth; 
60          and  euer  wept  in  a.  fat  Haruest. 

FVNGOSO. 

rT"1  He  Sonne  of  Sordido,  and  a  Student;  one  that  has  reuel'd  in  his  time,  and 

followes  the  Fashion  a  farre  off  like  a  Spie.  He  makes  it  the  whole  bent  of 

his  endeuours  to  wring  sufficient  meanes  from  his  wretched  Fathet,  to  put  him 

65  in  the  Courtiers  Cut:  at  which  he  earnestly  aymes;  but  so  vnluckily,  that  he  still 

lights  short  a  Suit. 

SOGLIARDO. 
A    N  essentiall  Clowne,  brother  to  Sordido,  yet  so  enamour'd  of  the  name  of      106 

a  Gentleman,  that  he  will  haue  it  though  he  buyes  it.  He  conies  vp  euery 
70          Tearme  to  learne  to  take  Tobacco,  and  see  new  Motions.  He  is  in  his  King- 
dome  when  he  can  get  himselfe  into  company,  where  he  may  be  well  laught  at. 

life  it  | 

SHIFT. 

A   Thredbare  Sharke.  One  that  neuer  was  Souldior,  yet  Hues  vpon  kndinges.      112 
His  profession  is  skeldring  and  odling,  his  Banke  Poults,  and  his  Ware-house 
Pict-hatch.   Takes   vp   single   Testoits  vpon   Othes   till   doomes   day.  Fals 

vnder 


QUARTO]  [5] 

vnder  Executions  of  three  shillinges,  and  enters  into  fiue  groat  Bonds.  He  way 
laies  the  reports  of  seruices,  and  cons  them  without  booke,  damning  himselfe 
he  came  new  from  them,  when  all  the  while  he  was  taking  the  diet  in  a  Bawdy 

80  house,  or  lay  paw'd  in  his  chamber  for  rent  and  victuals.  He  is  of  that  admi 
rable  and  happy  Memory,  that  he  will  salute  one  for  an  olde  acquaintance,  that 
he  neuer  saw  in  his  life  before.  He  vsurpes  vpon  Cheates,  Quarrels,  and  Rob 
beries,  which  he  neuer  did,  only  to  get  him  a  name.  His  chiefe  exercises  are 
taking  the  Whifft,  squiring  a  Cocatrice,  and  making  priuy  searches  for  Im- 

85  parters. 

CLOVE  and  ORENGE. 

A    N  inseperable    case    of   Coxcoms,   city-borne:   The    Gemini   or  Twins    of      126 
foppery;  that  like  a  paire  of  woodden  Foyles,  are  fit  for  nothing,  but  to  be 
practis'd  vpon.  Being  well  flarter'd,  they'le  lend  money,  and  repent  when 
90  they  ha'done.  Their  glory  is  to  feast  Players,  and  make  Suppers.  And  in  com 
pany  of  better  ranke  (to  auoyd  the  suspect  of  insufficiency)  will  enforce  their 
Ignorance   most  desperatly,  to  set  vppon  the   vnderstanding   of  any   thing. 
ORENGE  is  the  more  humerous  of  the  two  (whose  small  portion  of  iuice  (be 
ing  squeez'dout;)  CLOVE  serues  to  stickehim  with  commendations. 

95  CORDATVS. 

"-p  He  Authors  friend;  A  man  inly  acquainted  with  the  scope  and   drift  of     i36 

his  Plot.  Of  a  discreet  and  vnderstanding  Judgement,  and  has  the  place  of 
a  Moderator. 

MITIS. 

ioo  J  S  a  person  of  no  Action,  and  therefore  we  haue  REASON  to  afforde  him  no    •  140 
Character. 


W  T  was  not  neare  his  thought  that  hath  published  this,  either  to  traduce   deest 

the  Authour\  or  to  make  vulgar  and  cheape,  any  the  peculiar  and 
sufficient  deserts  of  the  Actors:  but  rather  (whereas  many  Censures 
io5  fluttered  about  it)  to  giue  all  leaue,  and  leisure,  to  iudge  with  distinction. 


deest  | 
106! 


A  iii.  Euery 


[LINGK'S 


EVERIE    MAN   OVT 

OF    HIS    HVMOR. 


io7  Inductio,  sono  secondo. 

G  R  E  X. 

Asper,  Cordatus,  Mitis. 

no  Cord.  ^T  Ay  my  deare  Asper,  147 

\j      Mil.  Stay  your  minde, 
Asp.  Away. 

Who  is  so  patient  of  this  impious  world, 

That  he  can  checke  his  spirit,  or  reigne  his  tongue? 
Il5  Or  who  hath  such  a  dead  vnfecling  sence, 

That  heanens  horride  thunders  cannot  wake? 

To  see  the  earth,  crackt  with  the  weight  of  sinne, 

Hell  gaping  vnder  vs,  and  o're  our  heades 

Blacke  rau'nous  Ruine  with  her  saile-stretcht  wings, 
I2O  Readie  to  sinke  vs  downe  and  couer  vs. 

Who  can  behold  such  prodigies  as  these,  160 

And  haue  his  lips  seal'd  vp?not  I:  my  soule 

Was  neuer  ground  into  such  oylie  colours, 

To  flatter  Vice,  and  daube  Iniquitie: 
125  But  (with  an  armed,  and  resolued  hand) 

He  strip  the  ragged  follies  of  the  time 

Naked  as  at  their  birth. 
Cord.  Be  not  too  bold. 

Asp.  You  trouble  me,  and  with  a  whip  of  steele  167 

l3o  Print  wounding  lashes  in  their  yron  ribs. 

I  feare  no  mood  stampt  in  a  priuate  brow, 

When  I  am  pleas'd  t'vnmaske  a  publike  vice, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [7] 

I  feare  no  strumpets  drugs,  nor  ruffians  stab, 

Should  I  detect  their  hatefull  luxuries; 
i35  No  brokers,  vsurers,  or  lawyers  gripe, 

Were  I  dispos'd  to  say,  they're  all  corrupt. 

I  feare  no  courtiers  frowne,  should  I  applaud  175 

The  easie  flexure  of  his  supple  hammes: 

Tut,  these  are  so  innate  and  popular, 
140  That  drunken  Custome  would  not  shame  to  laugh 

(In  scorne)  at  him,  that  should  but  dare  to  taxe'hem: 

And  yet  not  one  of  these  but  knowes  his  Workes, 

Knowes  what  Damnation  is,  the  Deuill,  and  Hell, 

Yet  howerly  they  persist,  grow  ranke  in  sinne, 
145  Puffing  their  soules  away  in  peri'rous  aire, 

To  cherish  their  extortion,  pride,  or  lustes. 

Mit.  Forbeare  good  Asper,  be  not  like  your  name.  i85 

Asp.  O,  but  to  such,  whose  faces  are  all  zeale, 

And  (with  the  wordes  of  Hercules)  inuade 
i5o  Such  crimes  as  these;  that  will  not  smell  of  sinne, 

But  seeme  as  they  were  made  of  sanctitie; 

Religion  in  their  garments,  and  their  haire 

Cut  shorter  than  their  eie-browesr  when  the  conscience 

Is  vaster  than  the  Ocean,  and  deuours 
i55  More  wretches  than  the  Counters. 
Mit.  Gentle  Asper, 

Containe  your  spirit  in  more  stricter  boundes, 

And  be  not  thus  transported  with  the  violence  ig5 

Of  your  strong  thoughts. 
160      Cord.  Vnlesse  your  breath  had  power 

To  melt  the  world,  and  mould  it  new  againe, 

It  is  in  vaine  to  spend  it  in  these  moods. 
Asp.  I  not  obseru'd  this  thronged  round  till  now: 

Gracious,  and  kind  Spectators,  you  are  welcome, 
i65  Apollo,  and  the  Muses  feast  your  eyes 

With  gracefull  obiectes;  and  may  our  Menerua 

Answere  your  hopes,  vnto  their  largest  straine. 

Yet  here,  mistake  me  not  iudicious  friendes: 

I  doe  not  this  to  beg  your  patience, 

Or 


8]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

170  Or  seruilely  to  fawne  on  your  applause,  207 

Like  some  drie  braine,  despairing  in  his  merit: 

Let  me  be  censur'd,  by  th'austerest  brow, 

Where  I  want  art,  or  Judgement,  taxe  me  freely: 

Let  enuious  Critickes  with  their  broadest  eies 
175  Looke  through  and  through  me;  I  pursue  no  fauor: 

Onely  vouchsafe  me  your  attentions, 

And  I  will  giue  you  musicke  worth  your  eares. 

0  how  I  hate  the  monstrousnesse  of  time, 
Where  euery  seruile  imitating  spirit, 

180  (Plagu'd  with  an  itching  leprosie  of  wit) 

In  a  meere  halting  fury,  striues  to  fling 

His  vlc'rous  body  in  the  Thespian  spring, 

And  streight  leap's  foorth  a  Poet;  but  as  lame 

As  Vulcane,  or  the  founder  of  Criplegate. 
i85      Mil.  In  faith  this  Humor  will  come  ill  to  some,  222 

You  will  be  thought  to  be  too  peremptorie. 
Asp.  This  Humor?  good;  and  why  this  Humor,  Mitts? 

Nay  doe  not  turne,  but  answere. 

Mil.  Answere?  what? 
190      Asp.  I  will  not  stirre  your  patience,  pardon  me, 

1  vrg'd  it  for  some  reasons,  and  the  rather 
To  giue  these  ignorant  wel-spoken  daies 
Some  taste  of  their  abuse  of  this  word  Humor. 

Cor.  O  doe  not  let  your  purpose  fall,  good  Asper, 
ig5  It  cannot  but  ariue  most  acceptable, 
Chiefely  to  such  as  haue  the  happinesse 
Dayly  to  see  how  the  poore  innocent  word 
Is  rackt,  and  tortur'd. 

Mil.  I,  I  pray  you  proceed. 

200      Asp.  Ha?  what?  what  is't?  286 

Cord.  For  the  abuse  of  Humor. 
Asp.  O,  I  craue  pardon,  I  had  lost  my  thoughts. 
Why  Humor  (as  'tis  ens)  we  thus  define  it 
To  be  a  qualitie  of  aire  or  water, 
2o5  And  in  it  selfe  holdes  these  two  properties, 
Moisture  and  Fluxure  :  As  for  demonstration, 

Poure 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [9] 

Poure  water  on  this  floore,  'twill  wet  and  runne,  243 

Likewise  the  aire  (forc't  through  a  home  or  trumpet) 

Flowes  instantly  away,  and  leaues  behind 
210  A  kinde  of  due;  and  hence  we  doe  conclude 

That  what  soe're  hath  fluxure  and  humiditie, 

As  wanting  power  to  containe  it  selfe, 

Is  Humor:  so  in  euery  humane  bodie 

The  choller,  melancholy,  flegme,  and  bloud, 
2l5  By  reason  that  they  flow  continually 

In  some  one  part,  and  are  not  continent, 

Receiue  the  name  of  Humors.  Now  thus  farre 

It  may  by  Metaphore  apply  it  selfe 

Vnto  the  generall  disposition,  255 

220  As  when  some  one  peculiar  quality 

Doth  so  possesse  a  man,  that  it  doth  draw 

All  his  affects,  his  spirits,  and  his  powers 

In  their  confluctions  all  to  runne  one  way, 

This  may  be  truely  sayd  to  be  a  Humor, 
225  But  that  a  Rooke  in  wearing  a  pide  feather, 

The  cable  hatband,  or  the  three-pild  ruffe, 

A  yard  of  shooe-tie,  or  the  Switzers  knot 

On  his  French  garters,  should  affect  a  Humor, 

O,  'tis  more  than  most  rediculous. 
23o      Cord.  He  speakes  pure  trueth:  Now  if  an  Ideot 

Haue  but  an  Apish  or  Phantasticke  straine, 

It  is  his  Humor. 
Asp.  Well,  I  will  scourge  those  Apes, 

And  to  these  courteous  eies  oppose  a  mirror, 
235  As  large  as  is  the  Stage  whereon  we  act,  270 

Where  they  shall  see  the  times  deformity, 

Anotamiz'd  in  euery  Nerue  and  sinew, 

With  constant  courage,  and  contempt  of  feare. 

Mit.  Asper  (I  vrge  it  as  your  friend)  take  heed, 
240  The  dayes  are  dangerous,  full  of  exception, 

And  men  are  growne  impatient  of  reproofe. 
Asp.  Ha,  ha: 

You  might  as  well  haue  told  me,  yond'  is  heauen, 

B  This 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[ID]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

This  earth,  these  men;  and  all  had  mou'd  alike.  278 

245  Doe  not  I  know  the  times  condition? 

Yes  Mitts,  and  their  soules,  and  who  they  be 

That  either  will  or  can  except  against  me: 

None  but  a  sort  of  fooles,  so  sicke  in  tast, 

That  they  contemne  all  Physicke  of  the  mind, 
25o  And  like  gald  Camels  kicke  at  euery  touch, 

Good  men,  and  vertuous  spirits,  that  loath  their  vices, 

Will  cherish  my  free  labours,  loue  my  lines, 

And  with  the  feruor  oi  their  shining  grace, 

Make  my  braine  fruitfull  to  bring  foorth  more  obiects 
255  Worthy  their  serious  and  intentiue  eies. 

But  why  enforce  I  this v  as  fainting?  no: 

If  any  here  chaunce  to  behold  himselfe, 

Let  him  not  dare  to  challenge  me  of  wrong, 

For  if  he  shame  to  haue  his  follies  knowne, 
260  First  he  should  shame  to  act'hem:  my  strict  hand 

Was  made  to  ceaze  on  vice;  and  with  a  gripe  2p5 

Crush  out  the  Humor  of  such  spongie  soules, 

As  licke  vp  euery  idle  vanity. 

Cord.  Why  this  is  right  Furor  Poeticus: 
265  Kind  Gentlemen,  we  hope  your  patience 

Will  yet  conceiue  the  best,  or  entertaine 

This  supposition,  That  a  madman  speakes. 
Asp.  What?  are  you  ready  there?  Mitis  sit  downe; 

And  my  Cordatus.  Sound  hoe,  and  begin: 
270  I  leaue  you  two  as  Censors  to  sit  here, 

Obserue  what  I  present,  and  liberally 

Speake  your  opinions,  vpon  euery  Scene,  3o6 

As  it  shall  passe  the  view  of  these  Spectators, 

Nay  now,  y'are  tedious  Sirs,  for  shame  begin: 
275  And  Mitts  note  me  if  in  all  this  front, 

You  can  espie  a  gallant  of  this  marke, 

Who  (to  be  thought  one  of  the  iudicious) 

Sits  with  his  armes  thus  wreath'd,  his  hat  pul'd  here, 

Cries  meaw,  and  nods,  then  shakes  his  empty  head, 
280  Will  shew  more  seuerall  motions  in  his  face 

Than 


Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i  i] 

Than  the  new  London,  Rome,  or  Nineueh,  3i5 

And  (now  and  then)  breakes  a  drie  bisket  iest, 

Which  that  it  may  more  easily  be  chew'd, 

He  sleeps  in  his  owne  laughter. 
285      Cord.  Why?  will  that 

Make  it  be  sooner  swallow'd? 
Asp.  O,  assure  you: 

Or  if  it  did  not,  yet  as  Horace  singes: 

"  leiunus  raro  stomachus  vulgaria  temnit, 
290  "  Meane  cates  are  welcome  still  to  hungrie  guests. 

Cord.  'Tis  true,  but  why  should  we  obserue  'hem  Asperl 

Asp.  O  I  would  know  'hem,  for  in  such  assemblies,  824 

Th'are  more  infectious  than  the  Pestilence, 

And  therefore  I  would  giue  them  Pils  to  purge, 
296  And  make  'hem  fit  for  faire  societies. 

How  monstrous  and  detested  is't  to  see 

A  fellow  that  has  neither  art  nor  braine, 

Sit  like  an  Aristarchus,  or  starke  asse, 

Taking  mens  lines  with  a  Tobacco  face 
3oo  In  snuffe,  still  spitting,  vsing  his  wried  lookes 

(In  nature  of  a  vice)  to  wrest  and  turne 

The  good  aspect  of  those  that  shall  sit  neare  him, 

From  what  they  doe  behold?  O  tis  most  vile. 

Mit.  Nay  Asper. 
3o5      Asp.  Peace  Mitis,  I  doe  know  your  thought:  33? 

You'le  say,  your  audience  will  except  at  this? 

Pish,  you  are  too  timorous,  and  full  of  doubt: 

Then,  he  a  patient,  shall  reiect  all  Physicke 

'Cause  the  Physitian  tels  him  you  are  sicke: 
3io  Or,  if  I  say  that  he  is  vicious, 

You  will  not  heare  of  vertue:  come,  y'are  fond, 

Shall  I  be  so  extrauagant  to  thinke 

That  happy  Judgements  and  composed  spirits 

Will  challenge  me  for  taxing  such  as  these? 
3i5  I  am  asham'd. 

Cord.  Nay,  but  good  pardon  vs. 

We  must  not  beare  this  peremptorie  saile, 

B  ii 


[i2]  Every  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

But  vse  our  best  endeuours  how  to  please. 

Asp.  Why,  therein  I  commend  your  carefull  thoughts  35o 

320  And  I  will  mixe  with  you  in  Industrie 
To  please;  but  whom?  attentiue  auditors, 
Such  as  will  ioyne  their  profite  with  their  pleasure, 
And  come  to  feede  their  vnderstanding  parts: 
For  these,  He  prodigally  spend  my  selfe, 
325  And  speake  away  my  spirit  into  ayre; 

For  these,  He  melt  my  braine  into  inuention, 
Coine  new  conceites,  and  hang  my  richest  words 
As  polisht  Jewels  in  their  bounteous  eares. 
But  stay,  I  loose  my  selfe,  and  wrong  their  patience; 
33o  If  I  dwell  here,  they'le  not  begin,  I  see: 

Friends  sit  you  still,  and  entertaine  this  troupe 
With  some  familiar  and  by-conference, 
He  hast  them  sound:  now  Gentlemen  I  go 
To  turne  an  Actor,  and  a  Humorist, 
335  Where  (ere  I  do  resume  my  present  person) 
We  hope  to  make  the  circles  of  your  eyes 
Flow  with  distilled  laughter:  if  we  fayle, 
We  must  impute  it  to  this  onely  chance 
"  Art  hath  an  enemie  cal'd  Ignorance. 
340  Exit. 

Cord.  How  do  you  like  his  spirit,  Mitis?  3jl 

Mit.  I  should  like  it  much  better,  if  he  were  lesse  confident. 
Cord.  Why,  do  you  suspect  his  merit? 
Mit.  No,  but  I  feare  this  will  procure  him  much  enuie. 
345      Cordatus.  O,  that  sets  the  stronger  scale  on  his  desert,  if  he  had 
no  enemies,  I  should  esteeme  his  fortunes  most  wretched  at  this  in 
stant. 

M it.  You  haue  scene  his  play  Cordatus?  pray  you;  how  is't? 
Cord.  Faith  sir,  I  must  refraine  to  iudge,  onely  this  I  can  say  of  it, 
35o  'tis  strange,  and  of  a  perticular  kind  by  it  selfe,  somewhat  like  Vetus 
Comccdia:  a  worke  that  hath  bounteously  pleased  me,  how  it  will  an- 
swere  the  generall  expectation,  I  know  not. 
M  it.  Does  he  obserue  all  the  lawes  of  Comedie  in  it? 
Cord.  What  lawes  meane  you? 

Mit.  Why 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i3] 

355      Mil.  Why  the  equall  deuision  of  it  into  Acts  and  Scenes,  accor-    884 
ding  to  the  Terentian  manner,  his  true  number  of  Actors;  the  furni 
shing  of  the  Scene  with  Grex  or  Chorus,  and  that  the  whole  Argu 
ment  fall  within  compasse  of  a  dayes  efficiencie. 

Cord.  O  no,  these  are  too  nice  obseruations. 

36o      Mit.  They  are  such  as  must  be  receiued  by  your  fauour,  or  it 
cannot  be  Authentique. 

Cord.  Troth  I  can  discerne  no  such  necessitie. 
Mit.  No? 

Cord.  No,  I  assure  you  signior;  if  those  lawes  you  speake  of,  had    3g3 
365  been  deliuered  vs,  ab  Initio;  and  in  their  present  vertue  and  perfe 
ction,  there  had  been  some  reason  of  obeying  their  powers:  but  'tis 
extant,  that  that  which  we  call  Comcedia,  was  at  first  nothing  but  a 
simple  &  continued  Satyre,  sung  by  one  only  person,  till  Susario  in- 
uented  a  second,  after  him  Epicharmus  a  third,  Phormus,  and  Chioni- 
370  des  deuised  to  haue  foure  Actors,  with  a  Prologue  and  Chorus;  to 
which  Cratinus  (long  after)  added  a  fift  and  fixt;  Eupolis  more,  Ari 
stophanes  more  then  they:  euery  man  in  the  dignitie  of  his  spirit  and 
iudgement,  supplied  somthing:  and  (though  that  in  him  this  kind  of 
Poeme  appeared  absolute,  and  fully  perfected)  yet  how  is  the  face 
3y5  of  it  chang'd  since,  in  Menander,  Philemon,  Cecilius,  Plautus,  and  the 
rest;  who  haue  vtterly  excluded  the  Chorus,  altered  the  property  of 
the  persons,  their  names,  and  natures,  and  augmented  it  with  all  li- 
bertie,  according  to  the  elegancie  and  disposition  of  those  times 
wherein  they  wrote?  I  see  not  then  but  wee  should  enioy  the  same 
38o  Licentia  or  free  power,  to  illustrate  and  heighten  our  inuention  as 
they  did:   and  not  be  tyed  to  those  strict  and  regular  formes, 
which  the  nicenesse  of  a  fewe  (who  are  nothing  but  Forme)  would 
thrust  vpon  vs. 

Mit.   Well,  we  will  not  dispute  of  this   now:   but  what's    his    412 
385  Scene? 

Cor.  Mary  Insulafortunata,  Sir. 

Mit.  O,  the  fortunate  Hand?  masse  he  was  bound  himselfe  to  a 
strict  law  there. 
Cor .  Why  so? 

3go      Mit.   Hee  cannot  lightly  after  the  Scene  without  crossing  the 
seas. 

B  iii  Cor.  He 


[14]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Cord.  He  needs  not,  hauing  a  whole  Ilande  to  runne  through,  I    418 
thinke. 

Mil.  No?  how  comes  it  then,  that  in  some  one  play  wee  see  so 
3g5  many  Seas,  Countries,  and  Kingdomes,  past  ouer  with  such  admi 
rable  dexteritie? 

Cor.  O,  that  but  shewes  how  well  the  Authors  can  trauaile  in 
their  vocation,  and  out-run  the  apprehention  of  their  Auditory. 
But  leauing  this,  I  would  they  would  begin  once:  this  protraction 
400  is  able  to  sower  the  best-settled  patience  in  the  Theatre. 

Mit.  They  haue  answered  your  wish  Sir:  they  sounde. 

Sound  the  third  time. 
ENTER    PROLOGVE. 

Cor.  O  here  comes  the  Prologue:  Now  sirre,  if  you  had  stayed    426 
4o5  a  little  longer,  I  meant  to  haue  spoke  your  Prologue  for  you,  I 
fayth. 

Prol.  Mary  with  all  my  hart  sir,  you  shall  do  it  yet,  and  I  thanke 
you. 

Cord.  Nay,  nay,  stay,  stay,  heare  you? 

410      Prol.  You  coulde  not  haue  studied  to  ha'done  mee  a  greater  be- 
nefite  at  the  instant,  for  I  protest  to  you,  I  am  vnperfect,  and  (had  I 
spoke  it)  I  must  of  necessitie  haue  been  out. 
Cord.  Why,  but  do  you  speake  this  seriously? 

Prol.  Seriously!  I  (God's  my  helpe  do  I)  and  esteeme  my  selfe  in-    4.37 
4i5  debted  to  your  kindnesse  for  it. 
Cor.  For  what? 

Pro.  Why  for  vndertaking  the  Prologue  for  mee. 
Cor.  How?  did  I  vndertake  it  for  you? 

Pro.  Did  you!  I  appeale  to  all  these  Gentlemen  whether  you 
420  did  or  no? Come,  it  pleases  you  to  cast  a  strange  looke  on't  now;  but 
'twill  not  serue. 

Cor.  Fore  God  but  it  must  serue,  and  therefore  speake  your  Pro 
logue. 

Pro.  And  I  doe,  let  me  die  poyson'd  with  some  venemous  hisse, 
425  and  neuer  Hue  to  looke  as  high  as  the  two-pennie  roome,  againe. 

Mit. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [i5] 


Mil.  Hee  has  put  you  to  it,  Sir: 
Cor.  Sdeath,  what  a  humorous  fellow  is  this?  Gentlemen,  good 
fayth  I  can  speake  no  Prologue,  howsoeuer  his  weake  wit  has  had 

480  the  fortune  to  make  this  strong  vse  of  mee  here  before  you:  but  I 
protest; 

Enter  Carlo  Buffone,  with  a  Boy. 

Carl.  Come,  come,  leaue  these  fustian  protestations:  away,  come,    464 
I  cannot  abide  these  gray-headed  ceremonies.  Boy,  fetch  mee  a 

435  Glasse,  quickly,  I  may  bid  these  Gentlemen  welcome;  giue  him  a 
health  here:  I  mar'le  whose  wit  'twas  to  put  a  Prologue  in  yon'd 
Sackbuts  mouth:  they  might  well  thinke  heel'd  be  out  of  tune,  and 
yet  youl'd  play  vpon  him  too.  Exit  Boy. 

Cor.  Hang  him  dull  block. 

440  Carl.  O  good  wordes,  good  wordes,  a  well-timberde  fellow,  hee 
woulde  ha'made  a  good  columne  and  he  had  been  thought  on  when 
the  house  was  a  building.  O  art  thou  Enter  Boy  with 

come?  well  sayd:  giue  me;  Boy,  fill,  so:  a  glasse. 

here's  a  cup  of  wine  sparkles  like  a  Diamonde.  Gentlewomen  (I  am 

446  sworne  to  put  them  in  first)  and  Gentlemen,  a  round,  in  place  of  a 
bad  Prologue,  I  drinke  this  good  draught  to  your  health  here, 
Canarie,  the  verie  Elixi'r  and  Spirit  of  (He  drinkes.} 

Wine:  this  is  that  our  Poet  cals  Castalian  liquor,  when  he  comes  a-    467 
broad  (now  and  then)  once  in  a  fortnight,  and  makes  a  good  Meale 

460  among  Players;  where  he  has  Caninum  appetitum:  mary  at  home  he 
keepes  a  good  Philosophical  diet,  beanes  and  butter-milke:  an  honest 
pure  rogue,  he  will  take  you  off  three,  foure,  fiue  of  these  one  after 
another,  &  looke  vilanously  when  he  has  done,  like  a  one-headed 
Cerberus  (he  do'not  heare  me  I  hope)  and  then  when  his  belly  is  well 

455  ballac't,  and  his  braine  rigg'd  a  little,  he  sayles  away  withall,  as 
though  he  would  worke  wonders  when  he  comes  home:  hee  has 
made  a  Play  here,  and  he  cals  it,  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  Sblood 
and  he  get  me  out  of  the  humor  he  has  put  me  in,  He  ne're  trust 
none  of  his  tribe  againe  while  I  Hue.  Gentles  all,  I  can  say  for  him, 

460  is,  you  are  welcome.  I  could  wish  my  bottle  here  amongst  you; 
but  there's  an  olde  rule;  No  pledging  your  owne  health:  marie  if 
anye  heere  bee  thirstie  for  it,  their  best  waye  (that  I  knowe) 

is, 


[i6]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  CLINCH'S 

is,  sit  still,  scale  vp  their  lips,  and  drinke  so  much  of  the  play  in  at 
their  eares.  Exit. 

465      Mit.  What  may  this  fellow  be,  Cordatus?  483 

Cor.  Faith,  if  the  time  will  suffer  his  discription,  I'le  giue  it  you: 
he  is  one;  the  Author  cals  him  Carlo  Buffon^  an  impudent  common 
iester,  a  violent  railer,  and  an  incomprehensible  Epicure:  one,  whose 
company  is  desir'd  of  all  men,  but  belou'd  of  none:  he  will  sooner 
470  loose  his  soule,  than  a  iest;  and  prophane  euen  the  most  holy  things, 
to  excite  laughter:  no  honourable  or  reuerende  personage  what- 
soeuer,  can  come  within  the  reach  of  his  eye,  but  is  turn'd  inro  all 
manner  of  varietie,  by  his  adult'rate  simele's. 

Mit.  You  paint  foorth  a  monster. 

475  Cord.  He  will  prefer  all  countries  before  his  natiue,  and  thinkes 
he  can  neuer  sufficiently,  or  with  admiration  enough,  deliuer  his  af 
fectionate  conceit  of  forrein  Atheisticall  pollicies:  but  stay,  obserue 
these,  hee'le  appeare  himselfe  anon. 

Enter  Macilente,  solus. 

480      Mit.  O,  this  is  your  enuious  man  (Macilente)  I  thinke. 
Cord.  The  same,  sir. 

ACTVS    PRIMVS.    SCENA    PRIMA.  Folio 

Act.I.Sc.i, 

.  Mac.  Viri  est,  fortuna  ccecitatem  facile  ferre:  5oo 

Tis  true;  but  Stoique;  where  (in  the  vast  worlde) 
485  Doth  that  man  breath,  that  can  so  much  command 
His  bloud  and  his  affection?  well,  I  see, 
I  striue  in  vaine  to  cure  my  wounded  soule: 
For  euery  cordiall  that  my  thoughts  applie 
Turns  to  a  cor'siue,  and  doth  eat  it  farder. 
490  There  is  no  taste  in  this  Philosophic, 

Tis  like  a  Potion  that  a  man  should  drinke, 
But  turnes  his  Stomacke  with  the  sight  of  it. 
I  am  no  such  pild  Cinique,  to  beleeue 
That  beggerie  is  the  onclie  happinesse: 
495  Or  (with  a  number  of  these  patient  fooles) 
To  sing,  My  minde  to  mee  a  Kingdome  is, 
When  the  lanke  hungry  belly  barkes  for  foode: 

I  looke 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [17] 

I  looke  into  the  worlde,  and  there  I  meete  5x6 

With  obiectes,  that  doe  strike  my  blood-shot  eies 
5oo  Into  my  braine;  where,  when  I  view  my  selfe, 

Hauing  before  obseru'd,  this  man  is  great, 

Mightie,  and  fear'd,  thatlou'd  and  highly  fouour'd: 

A  third,  thought  wise  and  learned:  a  fourth,  rich, 

And  therefore  honour'd:  a  fifth,  rarely  featur'd: 
5o5  A  sixth,  admir'd  for  his  nuptiall  fortunes. 

When  I  see  these  (I  say)  and  view  my  selfe, 

I  wish  my  Oblique  instruments  were  crackt, 

And  that  the  engine  of  my  griefe  could  cast 

Mine  eye-bals  like  two  globes  of  wild  fire  foorth, 
5io  To  melt  this  vnproportion'd  frame  of  Nature. 

Oh,  they  are  thoughts  that  haue  transfixt  my  hart, 

And  often  (i'the  strength  of  apprehension) 

Made  my  cold  passion  stand  vpon  my  face, 

Like  droppes  of  sweate  on  a  stiffe  cake  of  yce. 

5i5  GREX. 

Cor.     This  alludes  well  to  that  of  the  Poet,  884 

Inuidus  suspirat,  gemit,  incutitque  denies, 
Sudatfrigidus,  intuens  quod  odit. 


Hit. 


O  peace,  you  breake  the  Scene. 


5ao  Enter  Sogliardo,  with  Carlo  Buffone. 

SCENA    SEC. 

Mac.  Soft,  who  be  these?  538 

Pie  lay  me  downe  a  while  till  they  be  past. 


525  Cor. 
Mit. 
Cor. 


GREX. 

Signior,  note  this  gallant,  I  pray  you. 
What  is  hee? 
A  tame  Rooke,  youle  take  him  presently:  List.  Folio 


Sog.   Nay  looke  you   Carlo,  this    is  my  Humour  now:   I  haue  Act.I.Sc.2. 
lande  and  money,  my  friendes  left  me  well,  and  I  will  be  a  Gen- 
53o  tleman  whatsoeuer  it  cost  me. 

C.  Car. 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[i  8]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Car.  A  most  Gentleman-like  resolution. 

Sog.  Tut,  and  I  take  an  humor  of  a  thing  once,  I  am  like  your    55b 
taylors  needle,   I   go  through:   but,   for  my  name   Signior,   how 
thinke  you?  will  it  not  serue  for  a  Gentlemans  name,  when  the 
535  Signior  is  put  to  it?  Ha? 

Car.  Let  me  heare,  how  is't? 

Sog.  Signior  Insulso  Sogliardo,  me  thinkes  it  soundes  well. 
Car.  O  excellent:  tut  and  all  fitted  to  your  name,  you  might 
very  well  stand  for  a  Gentleman:  I  know  many  Sogliardoes  Gen- 
540  tlemen. 

Sog.  Why,  and  for  my  wealth  I  might  be  a  Justice  of  peace. 
Car.  I,  and  a  Constable  for  your  wit. 

Sog.  All  this  is  my  Lordship  you  see  heere,  and  those  Farmes 
you  came  by. 

545      Car.  Good  steps  to  gentilitie  too,  marie:  but  Sogliardo,  if  you    56i 
affect  to  be  a  Gentleman  indeed,  you  must  obserne  all  the  rare 
qualities,  humors,  and  complementes  of  a  Gentleman. 

Sog.  I  know  it  Signior,  and  if  you  please  to  instruct,  I  am  not 
too  good  to  learne,  He  assure  you. 

55o  Car.  Inough  sir:  He  make  admirable  vse  i'the  proiection  of 
my  medicine  vpon  this  lumpe  of  copper  here.  He  bethinke  mee 
for  you  sir. 

Sog.  Signior,   I  will  both  pay  you  and  pray  you,  and  thanke 
you,  and  thinke  on  you. 
555  GREX. 

Cord.  Is  not  this  purely  good?  5/j 

Mac.  Sbloud,  why  should  such  a  prick-eard  Hind  as  this 
Bee  rich?  Ha?  a  foole?  such  a  transparent  gull 
That  may  be  scene  through?  wherefore  should  he  haue  land, 
56o  Houses,  and  Lordships?  O,  I  could  eate  my  entrailes, 
And  sinke  my  soule  into  the  earth  with  sorrow. 

Car.  First  (to  be  an  accomplisht  Gentleman;  that  is,,  a  Gentle 
man  of  the  time)  you  must  giue  ore  housekeeping  in  the  Coun- 
trey,  and  Hue  altogether  in  the  Citie  amongst  gallants;  where, 
"565  at  your  first  apparance,  twere  gopd  you  turnde  foure  or  fiue 
hundred  Acres  of  your,  best  lande  into  two  or  three  Trunkes  of 
apparrell,  you  may  doe  it  without  going  to  a  Coniurer:  and  be 

sure 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [19] 

sure  you  mixe  your  selfe  still  with  such  as  flourish  in  the  spring  of 
the  fashion,  and  are  least  Popular;  studie  their  cariage  and  beha- 
570  uiour  in  all:  learne  to  play  at  Primero  and  Passage,  and  (euer  when 
you  loose)  ha'two  or  three  peculiar  othes  to  sweare  by,  that  no 
man  else  sweares:  but  aboue  all,  protest  in  your  plaie,  &  affirme, 
Vponyour  credite\  As  you  are  a  Gentleman  (at  euerie  cast:)  you  may 
do  it  with  a  safe  conscience,  I  warrant  you. 

SjS      Sog.  O  admirable  rare !   hee  cannot  chuse  but  be   a  Gentle-    58g 
man,   that    ha'es  these    excellent  giftes:   more,  more,  I  beseech 
you. 

Car.  You  must  endeuour  to  feede  cleanlie  at  your  Ordinarie, 
sit  melancholic,  and  picke  your  teeth  when  you  cannot  speake: 
58o  and  when  you  come  to  Playes,  bee  Humorous,  looke  with  a 
good  starch't  face,  and  ruffle  your  brow  like  a  new  Boot;  laugh 
at  nothing  but  your  owne  iestes,  or  else  as  the  Noblemen  laugh; 
that's  a  speciall  grace  you  must  obserue. 

Sog.  I  warrant  you  sir. 

585      Car.  I,   and  sit  o'the  Stage,  and  floute;  prouided,  you  haue  a 
good  suit. 

Sog.  O  He  haue  a  suit  onelie  for  that  sir. 
Car.  You  must  talke  much  of  your  kindred  and  alies. 
Sog.  Lies!   no  Signior,  I  shall  not  neede  to  doe  so,  Il'haue  kin- 
5go  dred  in  the  Cittie  to  talke  of;  I  haue  a  neece  is  a  Merchants  wife; 
and  a  nephew,  my  brother  Sordidos  son,  of  the  Innes  of  Court. 

Car.  O  but  you  must  pretende  alliance  with  Courtiers  and  6o3 
great  persons:  and  euer  when  you  are  to  dine  or  suppe  in  anie 
strange  presence,  hire  a  fellowe  with  a  great  Chaine  (though 
5g5  it  bee  Copper  it's  no  matter)  to  bring  you  Letters,  feign'd 
from  such  a  Nobleman,  or  such  a  Knight,  or  such  a  Ladie,  To 
their  Worshipfull,  right  rare,  and  Noble  qualified  friende  or 
Kinsman,  Signior  Insulso  Sogliardo',  giue  your  selfe  stile  enough. 
And  there  (while  you  intende  circumstances  of  newes,  or  en- 
Goo  quire  of  their  health,  or  soe)  one  of  your  Familiars  (whome 
you  must  carrie  about  you  still)  breakes  it  vppe  (as  twere  in  a 
iest)  and  reades  it  publikely  at  the  Table:  at  which,  you  must 
seeme  to  take  as  vnpardonable  offence  as  if  he  had  torne 
your  Mistresse  colours,  or  breat'd  vpon  her  picture,  and  pur- 

C  ii.  sue 


[20]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

6o5  sue  it  with  that  hot  grace,  as  if  you  would  enforce  a  challenge 
vpon  it  presently, 

Sog.  Stay,  I  doe  not  like  that  Humor  of  challenge,  it  may  be  6i5 
accepted:  but  Tie  tell  you  what's  my  humor  now:  I  will  doe 
this,  I  will  take  occasion  of  sending  one  of  my  suites  to  the  Tay- 
610  lors  to  haue  the  pocket  repaired,  or  so;  and  there  such  a  letter  as 
you  talke  off  (broke  open  and  all)  shall  be  left.  O,  the  Taylor  will 
presently  giue  out  what  I  am  vpon  the  reading  of  it,  worth 
twenty  of  your  Gallants. 

Car.  But  then  you  must  put  on  an  extreame  face  of  discon- 
6i5  tentment  at  your  mans  negligence. 

Sog.  O,  so  I  will,  and  beate  him  too:  Tie  haue  a  man  for  the 
purpose. 

Mac.    You    maie,    you   haue   lande   and   crownes:    O    partiall 
Fate! 

620      Car.  Masse  well  remembred,  you   must  keepe  your  men  gal-    626 
lant,  at  the  first,  fine  pide  Liueries  laide  with  good  golde  lace, 
there's  no  lesse  in  it,  they  may  rip't  off  and  pawne  it,  when  they 
lacke  victuals. 

Sog.  Bir  Ladie  that  is  chargeable  Signior,  'twill  bring  a  man 
625  in  debt. 

Car.  Debt?  why  that's  the  more  for  your  credite  sir:  it's  an 
excellent  pollicie  to  owe  much  in  these  dayes,  if  you  note  it. 
Sog.  As  how  good  Signior?  I  would  faine  be  a  Politician. 
Car.   O,    looke    where   you    are   indebted    anie   great  summe,    632 
63o  your  creditor  obserues  you  with  no  lesse  regard,  then  if  he  were 
bouud  to  you  for  some  huge  benefite,  and  will  quake  to  giue  you 
the  least  cause  of  offence,  least  he  loose  his  money.  I  assure  you 
(in  these  times)  no  man  has  his  seruant  more  obsequious  &  pli 
ant,  than  Gentlemen  their  creditors:    to  whom   (if  at  any  time) 
635  you  pay  but  a  moietie  or  a  fourth  part,  it  comes  more  accepted- 
ly,  than  if  you  gaue'hem  a  newyeeres  gift. 

Sog.  I  perceiue  you  sir,   I  will  take  vp,  and  bring  my  selfe  in 
credite  sure. 

Cor.    Marrie    this,    alwaies    beware   you    commerce   not   with 
640  Bankroutes,    or   poore  needie   Ludgathians:   they  are  impudent 
creatures,  turbulent   spirites,   they  care  not  what  violent  trage 
dies 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [21] 

dies  they  stirre,  nor  how  they  play  fast  and  loose  with  a  poore 
Gentlemans   fortunes   to  get  their   owne:   marry,   these   rich  fel- 
lowes  (thar  ha'the   worlde,  or  the  better  part  of  it,   sleeping  in 
645  their  counting-houses)   they  are  ten  times  more  peaceable,  they: 
either  feare,   hope,   or  modestie  restraines  them    from    offering 
anie  outrages:  but  this  is  nothing  to  your  followers,  you  shall 
not  runne  a  pennie  more  in  arrerage  for  them,  and  you  list  your 
selfe. 
65o      Sog.  No?  how  should  I  keepe'hem  then?  65o 

Carl.  Keepe'hem?  Sblood  let  them  keepe  themselues,  they  are 
no  Sheepe,  are  they?  What?  you  shall  come  in  houses  where 
Plate,  Apparrell,  Jewels,  and  diuers  other  prettie  commodities 
lie  necligently  scattered,  and  I  would  ha'those  Mercuries  fol- 
655  lowe  me  (I  trow)  should  remember  they  had  not  their  fingers  for 
nothing. 

Sog.  That's  not  so  good  me  thinkes. 

Car.   Why  after  you   haue  kept  them  a  fortnight  or  so,  and 
shew'd'hem  yenough  to  the  world,   you   may   turne'hem    away, 
660  and  keepe  no  more  but  a  Boy,  it's  ynough. 

Sog.  Nay  my  humor  is  not  for  Boyes,  He  keepe  men,  and  I 
keepe  any:  and  He  giue  coates,  rhat's  my  humor:  but  I  lacke  a 
Cullisen. 

Car.  Why  now  you  ride  to  the  citie,   you   may  buy  one,   He    662 
665  bring  you  where  you  shall  ha'your  choise  for  money. 
Sog.  Can  you  sir? 

Car.  O  I,  you  shall  haue  one  take  measure  of  you,  and  make 
you  a  Coate  of  armes  to  fit  you  of  what  fashion  you  will. 

Sog.  By  worde  of  mouth  I  thanke  you  Signior;   He  be  once  a 
670  little  prodigall  in  a  Humor  in  faith,  and  haue  a  most  prodigious 
Coate. 

Mac.  Torment  and  death,  breake  head  and  braine  at  once, 
To  be  deliuer'd  of  your  fighting  issue. 
Who  can  endure  to  see  blinde  Fortune  dote  thus? 
675  To  be  enamour'd  on  this  dustie  Turfe? 

This  clod?  a  hoorsen  Puckfist?  O  God,  God,  God,  God,  &c. 
I  could  runne  wild  with  griefe  now  to  behold 
The  ranknesse  of  her  bounties,  that  doth  breed 

C  iii.  Such 


[22]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Such  Bulrushes;  these  Mushrompe  Gentlemen,  6j6 

680  That  shoot  vp  in  a  night  to  place  and  worship. 
Car.  Let  him  alone,  some  stray,  some  stray. 
Sog.  Nay  I  will  examine  him  before  I  goe  sure. 
Car.  The  Lord  of  the  soile  ha's  all  wefts  and  straies  here,  ha's 
he  not? 
685      Sog.  Yes  sir. 

Car.  Faith  then  I  pittie  the  poore  fellowe,  hee's  falne  into  a 
fooles  hands. 

Sog.  Sirah,  who  gaue  you  commission  to  lie  in  my  Lordship? 
Mac.  Your  Lordship? 

690      Sog.  How?  my  Lordship?  doe  you  know  me  sir? 
Mac.  I  do  know  you  sir. 
Car.  S'heart,  he  answers  him  like  an  Eccho. 
Sog.  Why,  who  am  I  Sir? 

Mac.  One  of  those  that  Fortune  fauors.  690 

695      Car.  The  Periphrasis  of  a  foole;  He  obserue  this  better. 
Sog.  That  fortune  fauors?  how  meane  you  that  friend? 
Mac.   I   meane  simply;   That  you    are  one   that    Hues  not  by 
your  wits. 

Sog.  By  my  wits?  No  sir,  I  scorne  to  liue  by  my  wits,  I;  I  haue 
700  better  meanes  I  tell  thee,  than  to  take  such  base  courses,  as  to  liue 
by  my  wits.  Sblood  doest  thou  thinke  I  liue  by  my  wits? 
Mac.  Me  thinkes  Tester,  you  should  not  relish  this  well. 
Car.  Ha?  does  he  know  me? 

Mac.  Though  yours  be  the  worst  vse  a  man  can  put  his  wit  700 
7o5  too  of  thousandes,  to  prostitute  it  at  euerie  Tauerne  and  Ordi- 
narie,  yet  (me  thinkes)  you  should  haue  turn'd  your  broade  side 
at  this,  and  haue  been  readie  with  an  Apologie,  able  to  sinke 
this  Hulke  of  Ignoraunce  into  the  bottome,  and  depth  of  his 
Contempt. 

710  Car.  Sblood  tis  Macilente:  Signior,  you  are  well  encountred, 
how  is't?  O  we  must  not  regarde  what  he  saies  man;  a  Trout,  a 
shallow  foole,  he  ha's  no  more  braine  than  a  Butterflie,  a  meere 
stuft  suite,  he  lookes  like  a  mustie  bottle  new  wickerd,  his  head's 
the  Corke,  light,  light.  I  am  glad  to  see  you  so  well  returned 
7l5  Signior. 

Mac. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [23] 

Mac.  You  are?  Gramercie  good  lanus.  jio 

Sog.   Is  he  one  of  your  acquaintance?  I  loue  him  the  better  for 
that. 

Car.  Gods  pretious,  come  away  man,  what  do  you  meane?  and 
720  you  knew  him  as  I  do,  you'ld  shun  him  as  you'ld  do  the  plague? 
Sog.  Why  sir? 

Car.  O,  hee's  a  blacke  fellow,  take  heed  on  him. 
Sog.  Is  he  a  Scholler  or  a  Souldior? 

Car.  Both,   both;  a  leane  Mungrell,  hee   lookes  as  if  he  were 
725  chap-falne    with    barking    at    other    mens   good   fortunes:   'ware 
how  you  offend  him,  hee  carries  Oyle  and  Fire  in  his  pen,  will 
scald  where  it  drops,  his  Spirit's  like  Powder,  quicke,  violent; 
hee'le  blow  a  man  vp  with  a  iest:  I  feare  him  worse  than  a  rot 
ten  Wall  do's  the  Cannon,  shake  an  hower  after  at  the  report: 
73o  away,  come  not  neare  him. 

Sog.  For  Gods  sake  lets  be  gone,  and  he  be  a  Scholler,  you    728 
know  I  cannot  abide  him,  I  had  as  leeue  see  a  Cocatrice,  specially 
as  Cocatrices  go  now. 

Car.  What,  youle  stay  Signior?  this  Gentleman  Sogliardo  and 
735  I  are  to  visite  the  Knight  Puntaruolo,  and  from  thence  to  the  Ci- 
tie,  we  shall  meete  there. 

Exeunt  Car.  and  Sog. 

Mac.  I,  when  I  cannot  shun  you,  we  will  meete.  729 

Tis  strange:  of  all  the  creatures  I  haue  scene, 
740  I  enuie  not  this  Buffon,  for  indeed 

Neither  his  fortunes  nor  his  partes  deserue  it; 
But  I  do  hate  him  as  I  hate  the  deuill, 
Or  that  bras-visag'd  monster  Barbarisme, 
O,  tis  an  open-throated,  blacke-mouth'd  curre, 
7^5  That  bites  at  all,  but  eate  s  on  those  that  feed  him: 
A  slaue,  that  to  your  face  will  (Serpent-like) 
Creepe  on  the  ground,  as  he  would  eate  the  dust; 
And  to  your  backe  will  turne  the  taile  and  sting 
More  deadly  than  a  Scorpion:  stay,  who's  this? 
760  Now  for  my  soule,  another  minion 

Of  the  old  lady  Chance's,  He  obserue  him. 

Enter 


[24]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Enter  Sordido  with  a  Prognostication. 

SCENA    TER. 
Sard.  O  rare,  good,  good,   good,   good,  good,   I   thanke   my 
755  Christ,  I  thanke  my  Christ  for  it. 

Mac.  Said  I  not  true?  doth  not  his  passion  speake 
Out  of  my  diuination?  O  my  sences, 
Why  loose  you  not  your  powers,  and  become 
Dead,  dull,  and  blunted  with  this  Spectacle? 
760  I  know  him,  tis  Sordido,  the  Farmer, 

A  Boore,  and  brother  to  that  Swine  was  here. 

Sor.  Excellent,  excellent,  excellent,   as  I    would    wish,   as    I 
would  wish. 

Mac.  See  how  the  strumpet  Fortune  tickles  him,  j55 

765  And  makes  him  swoune  with  laughter, O,O,O. 

Sord.  Ha,  ha,  ha,  I  will  not  sow  my  grounds  this  yeere,  Let  me 
see  what  Haruest  shall  we  haue?  June,  lulie? 
Mac.  What  is't  a  Prognostication  rap's  him  so? 
Sord.  The  .xx.  xxi.  xxii.  daies,  raine  and  wind;  O  good,  good: 
770  the  .xxiii.  and  xxiiii.  raine  and  some  wind;  good:  the  xxv  raine; 
good  still:   xxvi.   xxvii.   xxviii.   winde  and   some  raine;  would  it 
had  been  raine  and  some  winde:  well  tis  good  (when  it  can  bee 
no  better)  xxix.  inclining  to  raine:  inclining  to  raine?  that's  not 
so  good  now  .xxx.  and  .xxxi.  wind  and  no  raine.  No  raine?  S'lid 
775  stay,  this  is  worse  and  worse:  what  saies  he  of  S.  Swithens?  Turne 
backe,  looke  S.  Swithens:  no  raine. 

Mac.  O  there's  a  pretious  filthy  damned  rogue,  767 

That  fats  himselfe  with  expectation 
Of  rotten  weather,  and  vnseason'd  howers; 
780  And  he  is  rich  for  it,  and  elder  brother, 

His  barnes  are  full,  his  reekes,  and  mowes  well  trod, 
His  garnars  cracke  with  store.  O,  tis  well;  ha,  ha,  ha: 
A  plague  consume  thee  and  thy  house. 

Sord.  O  heare,  5.  Swithens,  the  .xv.  day,  variable  weather,  for 

785  the  most  part   raine,   good;   for  the    most    part    raine:   Why  it 

should  raine  fortie  daies  after  now,  more  or  lesse;  it   was  a  rule 

helde  afore  I  was  able  to  holde  a  plough,  and  yet  here  are  two 

daies, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [25] 

dales  no  raine;  ha?  it  makes  me  muse.  Weele  see  how  the  next    777 
month  begins,  if  that  be  better.  August:  August,   first,  second, 

790  third,  and  fourth  dayes,  rainie,  and  blustering;  this  is  well  now: 
fift,  sixt,  seuenth,  eight,  and  ninth,  raine,  with  some  thunder;  I 
marry,  this  is  excellent;  the  other  was  false  printed  sure:  the 
tenth,  and  eleuenth,  great  store  of  raine:  O  good,  good,  good, 
good,  good:  the  twelfth,  thirteenth,  and  fourteenth  daies,  raine; 

7g5  good  stil:  fifteenth  and  sixteenth,  raine;  good  still:  seuenteenth, 
and  eighteenth,  raine;  good  still:  ninteenth  and  twentieth, 
Good  still,  good  still,  good  still,  good  still,  good  still:  one  and 
twentieth,  some  raine:  some  raine?  well,  we  must  be  patient, 
and  attend  the  heauens  pleasure,  would  it  were  more  though: 

800  the  two  and  twentieth,  three  and  twentieth,  great  tempest  of 
raine,  thunder,  and  lightning. 

0  good  againe,  past  expectation  good: 

1  thanke  my  blessed  angell;  neuer,  neuer, 
Laid  I  penney  better  out  then  this, 

8o5  To  purchase  this  deare  booke:  not  deare  for  price, 

And  yet  of  me,  as  dearely  priz'd  as  life, 

Since  in  it  is  containd  the  very  life, 

Bloud,  strength,  and  sinewes  of  my  happinesse: 

Blest  be  the  houre  wherein  I  bought  this  booke, 
810  His  studies  happy  that  compos'd  the  booke, 

And  the  man  fortunate  that  sold  the  booke: 

Sleepe  with  this  charme,  and  be  as  true  to  mee, 

As  I  am  ioy'd  and  confident  in  thee. 

Enter  a  Hind  to  Sordido  with  a  paper. 
8i5      Mac.  Ha,  ha,  ha?  Is  not  this  good?  Is  it  not  pleasing  this?  ha,  ha?    802 

1st  possible  that  such  a  spacious  villaine  (Gods  ha? 

Should  Hue,  and  not  be  plagude?  or  lies  he  hid 

Within  the  wrinckled  bosome  of  the  world, 

Where  heauen  cannot  see  him?  Sblood  (me  thinkes) 
820  Tis  rare  and  admirable,  that  he  should  breath  and  walke, 

Feed  with  disgestion,  sleepe,  enioy  his  health, 

And  (like  a  boystrous  Whale,  swallowing  the  poore) 

Still  swimme  in  wealth  and  pleasure:  is  it  not  strange? 

Vnlesse  his  house  and  skin  were  thunder-proofe, 

D  I  won- 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[26J  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

825  I  wonder  at  it.  Me  thinkes  now,  the  Hecticke,  8i3 

Gout,  Leprosie,  or  some  such  loath'd  disease 

Might  light  vpon  him;  or  that  fire  (from  heauen) 

Might  fall  vpon  his  barnes;  or  mice  and  rats 

Eat  vp  his  graine;  or  else  that  it  might  rot 
83o  Within  the  hoary  Reekes,  e'ne  as  it  stands. 

Me  thinkes  this  might  be  well;  and  after  all, 

The  diuell  might  come  and  fetch  him:  I,  tis  true. 

Meane  time  he  surfets  in  prosperitie, 

And  thou  (in  enuie  of  him)  gnaw'st  thy  selfe: 
835  Peace  foole,  get  hence,  and  tell  thy  vexed  spirit, 

^Wealth  in  this  age  will  scarcely  looke  on  merit.  Exit. 

Sard.  Who  brought  this  same  sirrha?  825 

Hind.  Marrie  sir  one  of  the  Justices  men,  he  saies  tis  a  precept, 

and  all  their  hands  be  at  it. 
840      Sord.  I,  and  the  prints  of  them  sticke  in  my  flesh 

Deeper  then  i'their  letters:  They  haue  sent  me 

Pils  wrapt  in  a  paper  here,  that  should  I  take'hem, 

Would  poison  all  the  sweetnesse  of  my  Booke, 

And  turne  my  Honey  into  Hemlocke  iuice: 
845  But  I  am  wiser  than  to  serue  their  precepts, 

Or  follow  their  prescriptions:  Here's  a  deuise, 

To  charge  me  bring  my  Graine  into  the  markets: 

I,  much,  when  I  haue  neither  Barne  nor  Garner, 

Nor  earth  to  hide  it  in,  He  bring  it;  but  till  then, 
85o  Each  corne  /  send  shall  be  as  big  as  Paules. 

O,  but  (say  some)  the  poore  are  like  to  sterue. 

Why  let'hem  sterue,  what's  that  to  me?  are  Bees 

Bound  to  keepe  life  in  Drones  and  idle  Moaths?  no: 

Why  such  are  these  (that  tearme  themselues  the  poore, 
855  Only  because  they  would  be  pittied) 

But  are  indeed  a  sort  of  lazie  Beggers, 

Licencious  Rogues,  and  sturdie  Vagabonds, 

Bred  (by  the  sloth  of  a  fat  plentious  yeare^ 

Like  snakes  in  heat  of  summer  out  of  dung, 
860  And  this  is  all  that  these  cheape  times  are  good  for: 

Whereas  a  holesome  and  penurious  Dearth 

Purges 


QUARTO]  Eucry  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [27] 

Purges  the  soyle  of  such  vile  excrements, 
And  kils  the  Vipers  vp. 
Hind.  O  but  maister, 
865  Take  heed  they  heare  you  not. 
Sord.  Why  so? 

Hind.  They  will  exclaime  against  you.  ^53 

,  v          Sor.  I,  their  exclaimes 

Moue  me  as  much,  as  thy  breath  moues  a  Mountaine; 
870  Poore  wormes,  they  hisse  at  me,  whilst  I  at  home 
Can  be  contented  to  applaud  my  selfe, 
To  sit  and  clap  my  hands,  and  laugh  and  leape, 
Knocking  my  head  against  my  roofe,  with  ioy 
To  see  how  plumpe  my  bags  are,  and  my  barnes. 
875  Sirah,  go,  hie  you  home,  and  bid  your  fellowes 
Get  all  their  flailes  readie  againe  I  come.     . 
Hind.  I  will  sir.  Exit  Hind. 

Cord.  He  instantly  set  all  my  Hinds  to  thrashing  862 

Of  a  whole  Reeke  of  corne,  which  I  will  hide 
880  Vnder  the  ground:  and  with  the  straw  thereof 
He  stuffe  the  outsides  of  my  other  Mowes: 
That  done,  He  haue'hem  emptie  all  my  Garners, 
And  i'the  friendly  Earth  bury  my  store, 
That  when  the  Searchers  come,  they  may  suppose 
885  All's  spent,  and  that  my  fortunes  were  belied. 
And  to  lend  more  opinion  to  my  want, 
And  stop  that  many-mouthed  vulgar  Dog, 
(Which  else  would  still  be  bayting  at  my  doore) 
Each  market  day,  I  will  be  seene  to  buy 
890  Part  of  the  purest  Wheat,  as  for  my  houshold: 

Where  when  it  comes,  it  shall  encrease  my  heapes, 
Twill  yeeld  me  treble  gaine  at  this  deare  time, 
Promisde  in  this  deare  Booke:  I  haue  cast  all, 
Till  then  I  will  not  sell  an  eare,  He  hang  first. 
8g5  O  I  shall  make  my  prizes  as  I  list, 

My  house  and  I  can  feed  on  Peas  and  Barley, 

What  though  a  world  of  wretches  sterue  the  while? 

,,  He  that  will  thriue,  must  thinke  no  courses  vile.  Exit. 

D    2  GREX. 


[28J  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

GREX. 

900      Cord.  Now  signior,  how  approue  you  this?  haue  the  Humo-    884 
rists  exprest  themselues  truly  or  no? 

Mit.  Yes  (if  it  be  wel  prosecuted)  tis  hitherto  happie  ynough: 
but  me  thinks  Macilente  went  hence  too  soone,  hee  might  haue 
bene  made  to  stay,  and  speake  somewhat  in  reproofe  of  Sordidos 
go5  wretchednesse,  now  at  the  last. 

Cor.  O  no,  that  had  bin  extreamly  improper,  besides  he  had  coti- 

nued  the  Scene  too  log  with  him  as  twas,  being  in  no  more  actio. 

Mit.  You  may  enforce  the  length  as  a  necessary  reason;  but  for 

propriety  the  Scene  wold  very  wel  haue  born  it,  in  my  iudgment. 

910      Cor.  O  worst  of  both:  why  you  mistake  his  humor  vtterly  the. 

Mit.  How?  do  I  mistake  it?  is  it  not  Envie? 

Cor.  Yes,  but  you  must  vnderstand  Signior,  hee  enuies  him 

not  as  he  is  a  villaine,  a  wolfe  in  the  commonwealth,  but  as  he  is 

rich  and  fortunate  ;  for  the  true  condition  of  enuy,  is  Dolor  alienee 

91 5  felicitatis,  to  haue  our   eyes  continually  fixt  vpon  another  mans 

prosperitie,  that  is  his  chiefe  happinesse,  and  to  grieue  at  that. 

Whereas  if  we  make  his  monstrous  and  abhord  actions,  our  ob- 

iect,  the  griefe  (we  take  then)  comes  neerer  the  nature  of  Hate 

than  Enuie,  as  being  bred  out  of  a  kind  of  contempt  and  loathing 

920  in  our  selues. 

Mit.  So  you'le  infer  it  had  beene  Hate,  not  Enuie  in  him,  to    904 
reprehend  the  humor  of  Sordido? 

Cor.  Right,  for  what  a  man  truly  enuies  in  another,  he  could 
alwaies  loue,  and  cherish  in  himselfe;  but  no  man  truely  repre- 
925  hends  in  another  what  he  loues  in  himselfe:  therefore  reprehen 
sion  is  out  of  his  Hate.  And  this  distinction  hath  hee  himselfe 
made  in  a  speech  there  (if  you  marke  it)  where  hee  saies,  /  enuy 
not  this  Buffon,  but  I  hate  him. 

Mit.  Stay  sir:  /  enuy  not  this  Buffon,  but  I  hate  him:  why  might 
g3o  he  not  as  well  haue  hated  Sordido  as  him? 

Cor.  No  Sir,  there  was  subiect  for  his  enuie  in  Sordido;  his 

wealth:  So  was  there  not  in  the  other,  hee  stood  possest  of  no 

one  eminent  gift,  but  a  most  odious  and  friend-like  disposition, 

that  would  turne  Charitie  it  selfe  into  Hate,  much  more  Enuie 

935  for  the  present.  ;v/  ->_ 

Enter 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [29] 

Enter  Carlo,  Buff  one,  Sogliardo,  Fastidius  Briske,  Cinedo. 

ACTVS  SECVNDVS,  SCENA  PRIMA. 

Mit.  You  haue  satisfied  me  sir,  O  here  comes  the  Foole  and    917 
the  I  ester  againe  me  thinkes. 
940      Cor.  Twere  pittie  they  should  be  patted  sir. 

Mit.  What  bright-shining  gallant's  that  with  them?  the 
knight  they  went  to? 

Cord.  No  sir,  this  is  one  Monsieur  Fastidius  Briske,  otherwise 
calde  the  fresh  Frenchfield  Courtier. 
946      Mit.  A  humorist  too? 

Cord.  As  humorous  as  quick-siluer,  doo  but  obserue  him,  the 
Scene  is  the  countrey  still,  remember. 

Fast.  Cinedo,  watch  when  the  knight  comes,  &  giue  vs  word.        Folio 
Cine.  I  will  sir.  Act.II.Sc.i 

960      Fast.  How  likste  thou  my  boy,  Carlo? 

Car.  O  wel,  wel,  he  lookes  like  the  colonel  of  a  Pigmies  horse, 
or  one  of  these  motions  in  a  great  anticke  clocke:  hee  would 
shewe  well  vpon  a  Habberdashers  stall,  at  a  corner  shop  rarely. 

Fast.    Sheart,   what  a    damnde    wittie    rogue's  this?  how  hee    $36 
955  confounds  with  his  similies? 

Car.  Better  with  similies  than  smiles:  and  whether  were  you 
riding  now  Signior? 

Fast.  Who  I?  what  a  silly  iest's  that?  whither  should   I   ride 
but  to  the  Court? 
960      Car.  O  pardon  me  sir,  twentie  places  more:  your  hot  house, 

or  your 

Fast.  By  the  vertue  of  my  soule,  this  knight  dwels  in  Elizium 
here. 

Car.   Hees   gone  now,   I  thought  hee  would  flie  out  present- 
965  ly.   These  be  our  nimble-sprighted   Catso's,   that  ha'their  euasi- 
ons  at  pleasure,  wil  run  ouer  a  bog  like  your  wild  Irish:  no  soo 
ner  started,  but  they'le  leape  from  one  thing  to  another  like  a 
squirrell,  heigh;  Daunce,  and  doo  trickes  in  their  discourse,  from 
Fire  to  Water,  from  Water  to  Ayre,  from  Ayre  to  Earth,  as  if 
970  their  tongues  did  but  euen  licke  the  foure   Elements  ouer,  and 
away. 

D      3  ••••*  oil;  \'-Fast.  Sirra 


[3o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fast.  Sirra  Carlo,  thou  neuer  saw'st  my  grey  Hobbie  yet,  didst    g5i 

thou? 

Carl.  No,  ha'you  such  a  one? 

975      Fast.  The  best  in  Europe  (my  good  villaine)  thou'lt  say,  when 
thou  seest  him. 

Car.  But  when  shall  I  see  him? 

Fast.  There  was  a  Noble  man  i'the  Court  offered  mee  loo. 
pound  for  him  by  this  light:  a  fine  little  fierie  slaue,  hee  turnes 
980  like  a  (O)  excellent,  excellent,  with  the  very  sound  of  the  spurre. 
Car.  How?  the  sound  of  the  spurre? 

Fast.  O,  it's  your  only  humor  now  extant  sir:  a  good  gingie, 
a  good  gingie. 

Carl.  Sblood  you  shall  see  him  turne  morrisdauncer,  hee  ha's 
g85  got  him  belles,  a  good  sute,  and  a  Hobby-horse. 

Sog.  Signior,  now  you  talke  of  a  Hobby-horse,  I  know  where 
one  is,  will  not  be  giuen  for  a  brace  of  angels. 
Fast.  How  is  that  Sir? 

Sog.  Mary  sir,  I  am  telling  this  gentleman  of  a  Hobby-horse, 
990  it  was  my  fathers  indeed,  and  (though  I  say  it 

Car.  That  should  not  say  it)  on,  on.  970 

Sog.  Hee  did  daunce  in  it  with  as  good  humour,  and  as  good 
gard,  as  any  man  of  his  degree  whatsoeuer,  beeing  no  Gentle 
man:  I  haue  daunc't  in  it  my  selfe  too. 

995      Car.   Not  since  the  Humour  of  gentilitie  was  vpon  you?  did 
you? 

Sog.  Yes  once:  marry,  that  was  but  to  shew  what  a  gentle 
man  might  doo  in  a  Humor. 

Car.  O  very  good, 
loco  G  R  E  X  . 

Mil.        Why  this    fellowes    discourse  were    nothing    but    for 

the  word  Humor. 
Cord.      O  beare  with  him,   and  he  should  lacke  matter  and 

words  too,  'twere  pittifull. 

ioo5      Sog.    Nay    looke    you    Sir,    there's    ne're  a  Gentleman  i'  the 
countrey  has  the  like  humors  for  the  Hobby-horse  as  I  haue?  I 
haue  the  Methode  for  the  threeding  of  the  needle,  the — 
Car.  How  the  Methode? 

Sog.  I, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [3i] 


Sog.   I,   the   Leigeritie,   for  that,    and    the    wigh-hie,   and    the 

1010  daggers  in  the  Nose,  and  the  trauels  of  the  Egge  from  finger  to 

finger,  all  the  Humors  incident  to  the  qualitie.  The  horse  hangs 

at  home  in  my  parlor,  He  keepe  it  for  a  monument,  as  long  as 

I  Hue,  sure. 

Carl.  Doo  so:  and  when  you  die,  'twill  be  an  excellent  Tro- 
Ioi5  phee  to  hang  ouer  your  Tombe. 

Sog.  Masse,  and  He  haue  a  Tombe  (nowe  I  thinke  on't)  'tis 
but  so  much  charges. 

Car.  Best  builde  it  in  your  life  time  then,   your   Heyres  may 
hap  to  forget  it  else. 
1020      Sog.  Nay  I  meane  so,  He  not  trust  to  them. 

Carl.  Noe,  for  Heires  and  Executors,  are  growne  damnable 
carelesse,  specially  since  the  ghostes  of  Testators  left  walking: 
how  like  you  him  Signior? 

Fast.  'Fore  heauens,  his  humor  arrides  me  exceedingly. 
IO25      Car.  Arrides  you? 

Fast.  I,  pleases  me  (a  poxe  on't)  I  am  so  haunted  at  the  Court  loo3 
and  at  my  lodging,  with  your  refin'd  choice  spirits,  that  it  makes 
me  cleane  of  another  Garbe,  another  straine,  I  knowe  not  how: 
I  cannot  frame  me  to  your  harsh  vulgar  phrase,  tis  agaynst  my 
io3o  Genius. 

Sog.  Signior  Carla. 

GREX. 

Cord.       This  is  right  to  that  of  Horace,  Dum  vitant  stnlti  vitia 

in  contraria  currant:  so  this  gallant  labouring  to  auoid 

lo35  Popularitie,   falles  into    a  habit  of  Affectation,    tenne 

thousand  times  more  hatefull  than  the  former. 

Car.  Who  he?  a  gull?  a  foole?  no  salt  in  him  i'the  earth  man: 

hee  lookes  like  a  fresh  Salmon  kept  in  a  tubbe:  hee'le  bee  spent 

shortly,  his  braine's    lighter   than    his  feather   alreadie,   and   his 

1040  tongue  more  subiect  to  lie,  than  that's  to  wag:  hee  sleepes  with 

a  muske  Cat  euery  night,   and  walkes  all  day  hang'd  in  Poman 

der  chaines  for  pennance:  hee  ha's  his  skin  tan'd  ciuet,  to  make 

his   complexion  strong,  and  the  sweetnesse  of  his  youth  lasting 

in  the  sence  of  his  sweet  Ladie,  A  good  emptie  Puffe,  hee  loues 

1046  you  well  Signior. 

Sog.  There 


[32]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Sog.  There  shall  be  no  loue  lost  Sir,  He  assure  you.  zoig 

Fast.  Nay  Carl,  I  am  not  happie  in  thy  loue  I  see,  pr'y  thee 
suffer  mee  to  enioy  thy  companie  a  little  (sweete  mischiefe)  by 
this  ayre,  I  shall  enuie  this  Gentlemans  place  in  thy  affections, 
lo5o  if  you  be  thus  priuate  I  faith:  how  now?  is  the  Knight  arriu'd? 

Enter  Cinedo. 

Cine.  No  Sir,  but  tis  gest  he  will  arriue  presently,  by  his  fore 
runners. 

Fast.   His  hounds!   by  Minerua  an  excellent  Figure;   a  good 
io55  boy. 

Car.  You  should  giue  him  a  French  crowne  for  it:  the  boye 
would  find  two  better  Figures  in  that,  and  a  good  Figure  of  your 
bountie  beside. 

Fast.  Tut,  the  boy  wants  no  crownes. 

1060      Car,   No   crowne:  speake  in  the  singular  number,   and  weele 
beleeue  you. 

Fast.   Nay,  thou  art  so  capriciously   conceyted   nowe:    Sirra 
(Danation)  I  haue  heard  this  Knight  Puntaruallo,  reported  to  be 
a    Gentleman    of   exceeding    good    humour:    thou    knowst   him: 
io65  pry-thee,  how  is  his  disposition?  I  ne're  was  so  fauour'de  of  my 
starres  as  to  see  him  yet.  Boy,  do  you  looke  to  the  Hobbie? 
Cine.  I  Sir,  the  groome  has  set  him  vp.  io38 

Fast.  Tis  well:  I  ridde  out  of  my  way,  of  intent  to  visit  him, 
and  take  knowledge  of  his:  Nay  good  Wickednesse,  his  humour, 
1070  his  humour. 

Car.  Why  he  loues  Dogges,  and  Haukes,  and  his  wife  well: 
he  has  a  good  ryding  face,  and  hee  can  sit  a  great  Horse;  hee  will 
taint  a  staflfe  well  at  tilt:  when  hee  is  mounted,  hee  lookes  like 
the  signe  of  the  George,  thats  all  I  knowe:  saue  that  in  steede  of 
1075  a  Dragon,  hee  will  brandish  against  a  tree,  and  breake  his  sword 
as  confidently  vpon  the  knottie  barke,  as  the  other  did  vpon  the 
skales  of  the  beast. 

Fast.  O,  but  this  is  nothing  to  that  is  deliuered  of  him:  they 
say  hee  has  dialogues,  and  discourses  betweene  his  Horse,  him- 
1080  selfe,  and  his  Dogge:  and  that  hee  will  court  his  owne  Ladie,  as 
she  were  a  stranger  neuer  encountred  before. 
Car.  I,  that  hee  will,  and  make  fresh  loue  to  her  euery  mor 
ning: 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

ning:  this  gentleman  has  bene  a  Spectator  of  it,  Signior  Insulso. 

Sog.  I  am  resolute  to  keepe  a  Page:  say  you  sir?  io53 

lo85      Car.  You  haue  scene  Signior  Puntaruolo  accost  his  Ladie? 
Sogl.  O,  sir. 

Fast.  And  how  is  the  maner  of  it  pr'y  thee  good  Sgnior? 
Sog.  Faith  sir  in  very  good  sort;  hee  has  his  humours  for  it  sir: 
as  first,  (suppose  he  were  now  to  come  from  riding,  or  hunting, 
logo  or  so)  he  has  his  trumpet  to  sound,  and  then  the  waiting  Gentle 
woman,  shee  lookes  out;   and  then  hee  speakes,  and  then  shee 
speakes:  very  prettie  I  faith  gentlemen. 

Fast.  Why,  but  do  you  remember  no  particulars,  signior? 
Sog.  O,  yes  sir:  first,  the  gentlewoman  shee  lookes  out  at  the 
logS  window. 

Car.    After   the  trumpet   has    summon'd  a  parle?  not  before? 
Sog.  No  sir,  not  before:  and  then  saies  he;  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
Car.  What  saies  he?  be  not  rapt  so. 
Sog.  Saies  he;  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
noo      Fast.  Nay  speake,  speake. 

Sog.  Ha,  ha,  ha,  saies  he:  God  saue  you,  ha,  ha,  &c.  1070 

Car.  Was  this  the  ridiculous  motiue  to  all  this  passion? 
Sog.  Nay  that,  that  comes  after  is:  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  &c. 
Car.   Doubtlesse    hee  apprehends   more  than   hee  vtters,   this 
Iio5  fellow:  or  else. 

Sog.  List,  list,  they  are  come  from  hunting:       A  crie  of  hounds 
stand  by,  close  vnder  this  Tarras,  and  you  shal  within. 

see  it  done  better  than  I  can  shew  it. 

Car.  So  it  had  need,  'twill  scarse  poize  the  obseruation  else. 
I  no      Sog.  Faith  I  remember  all,  but  the  manner  of  it  is  quite  out 
of  my  head. 

Fast.  O  withdraw,  withdraw,  it  cannot  be  but  a  most  pleasing 
obiect. 

Enter  Puntaruolo,  a  Huntsman  with  a  Graihound.  Act.II.Sc.2. 

in5      Pun.   Forrester,   giue  winde  to    thy    Home.    Inough:   by   this 
the  sound  hath  toucht  the  eares  of  the  enclosed:  Depart,  leaue 
the   Dogge,   and    take  with  thee  what  thou  hast  deseru'd,   the 
Home,  and  thankes. 
Car.  I  mary,  there's  some  taste  in  this. 

E  Fast.  Is't 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[34]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

1120      Fast.  Is't  not  good? 

Sog.  Ah  peace,  now  aboue,  now  aboue. 

The  way  ting  Gentlewomen  appear  e  at  the  window. 

Pun.   Stay:  mine  eye  hath  (on  the  instant)  through  the   boun-  1091 
tie  of  the  window,  receiu'd  the  forme  of  a  Nymph,  I  will  step  for- 
1125  ward  three  paces:  of  the  which,  I  will  barely  retire  one;  and  (af 
ter  some  little  flexure  of  the  knee)  with  an  erected  grace  salute 
her:  I,  2,  and  3.  Sweet  Lady,  God  saue  you. 
Gent.  No  forsooth:  I  am  but  the  waiting  Gentlewoman. 
Carl.  He  knew  that  before. 
n3o      Punt.  Pardon  me:  Humanum  est  err  are. 
Carl.  He  learn'd  that  of  a  Puritane. 

Punt.  To  the  perfection  of  Complement  (which  is  the  dyall 
of  the  thought,  and  guided  by  the  Sunne  of  your  beauties)  are 
requirde  these  three  Projects:  the  Gnomon,  the  Puntilios,  and  the 
il35  Superficies:  the  Superficies,  is  that  we  call  Place;  the  Puntilio's, 
Circumstance;  and  the  Gnomon,  Ceremonie:  in  either  of  which,  for 
a  stranger  to  erre,  'tis  easie  and  facile;  and  such  am  I. 

Car.  True,  not  knowing  her  H orison,   hee  must  needes  erre: 
which  I  feare,  he  knowes  too  well. 
1140      Pun.  What  call  you  the  Lord  of  the  Castle?  sweet  face. 

Gent.  The  Lord  of  the  Castle  is  a  knight  sir;  Signior  Puntar-  nog 
uolo. 

Punt.  Puntaruolo?  O. 
Car.  Now  must  he  ruminate. 
1146      Fast.  Does  the  wench  know  him  all  this  while  then? 

Car.  O,  doo  you  know  me  man?  why  therein  lies  the  sirrup  of 
the  ieast:  it's  a  Proiect,  a  designment  of  his  owne,  a  thing  studied, 
and  rehearst  as  ordinarily  at  his  comming  from  hawking  or  hun 
ting,  as  a  ligge  after  a  Play. 
n5o      Sog.  I,  e'en  like  your  ligge  sir. 

Punt.  Tis  a  most  sumptuous  and  stately  edifice:  what  yeares 
is  the  Knight,  faire  Damsell? 

Gent.  Faith  much  about  your  yeares  sir. 
Punt.  What  complexion,  or  what  stature  beares  he? 
n55      Gent.  Of  your  stature,  and  very  neere  vpon  your  complexion. 
Punt.  Mine  is  Melancholly. 

Car.  So 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [35J 

Car.  So  is  the  dogs,  iust.  H25 

Punt.  And  doth  argue  constancie,  chiefly  in  loue.   What   are 
his  endowments?  Is  he  courteous? 

1160      Gent.  O  the  most  courteous  Knight  vpon  Gods  earth  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  magnanimous? 
Gent.  As  the  skin  betweene  your  browes  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  bountifull? 

Car.    Sbloud,    hee    takes    an    Inuentorie    of   his    owne    good 
n65  partes. 

Gent.  Bountifull?  I  sir  I  would  you  should  know  it;  the  poore 
are  serude  at  his  gate,  early  and  late  sir. 
Punt.  Is  he  learned? 

Gent.  O,  sir,  he  can  speake  the  French  and  Italian. 
1170      Punt.  Then  he  is  trauailde? 

Gent.  I  forsooth,  he  hath  bene  beyond-sea,   once  or  twise. 
Carl.  As  far  as  Paris,  to  fetch  ouer  a  fashion,  and  come  backe 
againe. 

Punt.  Is  he  religious?  1140 

1175      Gent.  Religious?  /  know  not  what  you  call  religious,  but  hee 
goes  to  Church  /  am  sure. 

Fast.  Slid,  me  thinkes  these  answeres  should  offend  him. 
Carl.  Tut  no:  he  knowes  they  are  excellent,  and  to  her  capa- 
citie  that  speake  them. 
1180      Punt.  Would  /  might  but  see  his  face. 

Carl.  Shee  should  let  downe  a  glasse  from  the  window  at  that 
word,  and  request  him  to  looke  in  it. 

Punt.  Doubtlesse,  the  gentleman  is  most  exact,  and  absolutely 
qualified?  doth  the  Castle  containe  him? 
Il85      Gent.  No  sir,  he  is  from  home,  but  his  Lady  is  within. 

Punt.   His    Lady?   what  is   she    faire?   splendidious?  and    ami 
able? 

Gent.  O  /esu  sir! 

Punt.    Prythee   deare   Nymph,    intreat    her   beauties    to    shine 
1190  on  this  side  of  the  building. 

Exit.  Gent,  from  the  window. 

Carl.   That  hee  may  erect  a  new  dyall  of  complement,  with 
his    Gnomons,   and    his    Puntolios. 

E  2  Fast.  Nay, 


[36]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fast.  Nay,  thou  art  such  an  other  Cinique  now,  a  man  had  need 
Iig5  walke  vprightly  before  thee. 

Carl.  Heart,  can  any  man  walke  more  vpright  than  he  does?  1160 
Looke,  looke:  as  if  he  went  in  a  frame,  or  had  a  sute  of  Wane- 
scot  on:  and  the  dogge  watching  him  least  hee  should  leape  out 
on't. 
1 200      Fast.  O  villaine/ 

Car.  Well,  and  euer  I  meet  him  in  the  citie,  He  haue  him  ioyn- 
ted,  He  pawne  him  in  East-cheape  among  butchers  else. 
Fast.  Peace,  who  be  these,  Carlo? 

Enter  Sordido,  with  his  sonne  Fungoso.  Act.II.Sc.3 

I2o5      Sord.  Venders  your  god-father:  do  your  dutie  to  him  sonne. 
Sog.  This  sir?  a  poore  elder  brother  of  mine  sir,  a  yeoman,  may 
dispend  some  seuen  01*  eight  hundred  a  yeare:  that's  his  sonne, 
my  nephew  there. 

Punt.  You  are  not  il-come  neighbour  Sordido,  though  I  haue 
1 210  not  yet  said  welcome:   what,   my  god-sonne   is  growne  a  great 
Proficient  by  this? 

Sord.  1  hope  he  will  grow  great  one  day,  sir. 
Fast.  What  does  he  study?  the  law? 

Sog.  I  sir,  he  is  a  gentleman,  though  his  father  be  but  a  yeo- 
I2l5  man. 

Car.  What  call  you  your  nephew,  Signior? 
Sog.  Mary  his  name  is  Fungoso. 

Car.   Fungoso?  O,   he  lookt  somewhat  like   a  spunge  in  that 
pinckt  doublet  me  thought:  well,  make  much  of  him;  I  see  hee 
1220  was  neuer  borne  to  ride  vpon  a  moile. 

Gen.  My  Lady  will  come  presently  sir.  Enter.  Gent,  about. 

Sog.  O  now,  now.  n85 

Punt.  Stand  by,  retire  your  selues  a  space:  nay,  pray  you,  forget 
not  the  vse  of  your  hat;  the  aire  is  piercing. 
1225          Sordido  and  Fungoso  withdraw  at  the  other  part  of  the  stage, 

meane  time,  the  Lady  is  come  to  the  window. 

Fast.  What?  will  not  their  presence  preuaile  against  the  cur 
rent  of  his  humor? 

Car.  O  no:  it's  a  meere  floud,  a  Torrent,  carries  all  afore  it. 
I23o      Punt.  What  more  than  heauenly  pulchritude  is  this! 

What 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [3y] 

What  Magazine,  or  treasurie  of  blisse? 
Dazle  your  organs  to  my  optique  sence, 
To  view  a  creature  of  such  eminence: 
O,  I  am  planet-strooke,  and  in  yond  Sphere, 
1235  A  brighter  starre  than  Venus  doth  appear e. 

Fast.  How?  in  verse?  1197 

Car.  An  Extasie,  an  Extasie,  man. 
Lady.  Is  your  desire  to  speake  with  me,  sir  Knight? 
Car.  Hee  will  tell  you  that  anon:  neither  his  Braine,  nor  his 
1240  Bodie,  are  yet  moulded  for  an  answere. 

Punt.   Most  debonaire,  and   Luculent  Ladie,  I  decline  me  as 
low  as  the  Basis  of  your  Altitude. 

G  R  EX. 

Cord.  I  Hee  makes   congies  to  his  wife    in   Geometricall  pro- 
1246  \      portions. 

Mit.    I  Is't  possible   there  should  be  any   such  Humorist? 
Cor.    \  Very  easily  possible,   Sir,  you  see  there  is. 
Punt.   I  haue  scarse  collected  my  spirites,  but  lately  scatter'd 
in  the  admiration  of  your  Forme:  to  which   (if  the  bounties  of 
I25o  your  minde  be  any  way  responsible)  I  doubt  not  but  my  desires 
shall  finde  a  smooth  and  secure  passage.  I  am  a  poore  Knight- 
errant  (Ladie)  that  hunting  in  the  adiacent  Forrest,  was  by  ad- 
uenture  in  the  pursuit  of  a  Hart,   brought  to  this  place:  which 
Hart   (deare    Madame)    escaped   by   enchauntment:    the    euening 
1255  approaching  (my  selfe  and  seruant  wearied)  my  suit  is,  to  enter 
your  faire  Castle,  and  refresh  me. 

Lady.  Sir  Knight,  albeit  it  be  not  vsuall  with  mee  (chiefely  in  1216 
the  absence  of  a  husband)  to  admit  any  entrance  to  strangers,  yet 
in  the  true  regard  of  those  inward  vertues,  and  faire  parts  which 
1260  so  striue  to  expresse  themselues  in  you,  I  am  resolu'd  to  enter- 
taine  you  to  the  best  of  my  vnworthie  power:  which  I  acknow 
ledge  to  be  nothing,  valew'd  with  what  so  worthie  a  person  may 
deserue.  Please  you  but  stay,  while  I  descend. 

She  departs:  and  Puntaruolo  fals  in  with  Sordido, 
1265  and  his  sonne. 

Punt.  Most  admir'd  Lady,  you  astonish  me. 
Car.   What?  with  speaking  a  speech  of  your  owne  penning?  y 

E     3  Fast.  Nay 


[38]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Fast.  Nay  looke,  pr'y  thee  peace. 

Car.  Pox  ont:  I  am  impatient  of  such  fopperie.  1228 

1270      Fast.  O  lets  heare  the  rest. 

Car.  What?  a  tedious  Chapter  of  Courtship,  after  sir  Lance 
lot,  and  Queen  Gueuener?  away:  I  mar'le  in  what  dull  cold  nooke 
he  found  this  Ladie  out?  that  being  a  woman)  she  was  blest  with 
no  more  copie  of  wit,  but  to  serue  his  Humour  thus.  Sblood,  I 
1275  thinke  he  feeds  her  with  Porridge,  I:  she  could  ne're  haue  such  a 
thicke  braine  else. 

Sog.  Why  is  Porridge  so  hurtfull,  Signior? 

Car.  O,  nothing  vnder  Heauen  more  preiudiciall  to  those  as 
cending  subtile  powers,  or  doth  sooner  abate  that  which  we  call, 
1280  Acumen  Ingemj,  than  your  grosse  fare:  why  He  make  you  an  In 
stance:  your  Citie  wlues,  but  obserue  'hem,  you  ha'  not  more 
perfect  true  fooles  in  the  world  bredde,  than  they  are  general 
ly:  and  yet  you  see  (by  the  finenesse  and  delicacie  of  their  Diet, 
diuing  into  the  fatte  Capons,  drinking  your  rich  wines,  feeding 
1285  on  Larks,  Sparrows,  Potato  pyes,  and  such  good  vnctuous  meats) 
how  their  wits  are  refinde  and  ratifide:  and  somtimes  a  verie 
Quintessence  of  conceit  flowes  from  them,  able  to  drown  a  weak 
Apprehension. 

Fast.  Peace,  here  comes  the  Ladie.  1242 

1290         Enter  Lady  with  her  Gent,  and  seeing  them,  turnes  in  againe. 
Lady.  Gods  me,  here's  company:  turne  in  againe. 
Fast.  S'light  our  presence  has  cut  off  the  conuoy  of  the  iest. 
Car.  All  the  better,  I  am  glad  ont:  for  the  issue  was  very  per 
spicuous.  Come,  let's  discouer,  and  salute  the  Knight. 

1295  Carlo  and  the  other  two,  step  forth  to  Punt. 

Punt.  Stay:  who  be  these  that  addresse  themselues  towardes 
vs?  what  Carlo?  now  by  the  sinceritie  of  my  soule,  welcome, 
welcome  gentlemen:  and  how  doest  thou,  thou  Grand  Scourge, 
or  Second  Vntrusse  of  the  time? 

i3oo  Carl.  Faith  spending  my  mettall  in  this  Reeling  world  (heere 
and  there)  as  the  swaie  of  my  Affection  carries  mee,  and  per 
haps  stumble  vpon  a  yeoman  Pheuterer,  as  I  doo  now;  or  one 
of  Fortunes  Moyles  laden  with  treasure,  and  an  emptie  Cloke- 

bagge 


QUARTO]  Eucry  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [3 9] 

bagge  following  him,  gaping  when  a  bagge  will  vntie. 

i3o5      Punt.    Peace  you   bandogge  peace:  what  briske  Nimfadoro  is  1286 
that  in  the  white  virgin  boote  there? 

Carl.  Mary  sir,  one,  that  I  must  entreat  you  to  take  a  very  par 
ticular  knowledge  of,  and  with  more  than  ordinarie  respect: 
Monsieur  Fastidius. 

l3io  Punt.  Sir,  I  could  wish  that  for  the  time  of  your  vouchsaft  a- 
biding  heere,  and  more  Reall  entertainment,  this  my  house 
stood  on  the  Muses  hill:  and  these  my  Orchardes  were  those  of 
the  Hesperide's. 

Fast.  I  possesse  as  much  in  your  wish  sir,  as  if  I  were  made  Lord 
i3l5  of  the  Indies:  and  I  pray  you  beleeue  it. 

Car.  I  haue  a  better  opinion  of  his  Faith,  than  to  rhinke  it  will 
be  so  corrupted. 

Sog.    Come    brother,   He   bring   you    acquainted   with   Gentle 
men,  and  good  fellows,  such  as  shall  do  you  more  grace,  than — 
i32O      Sord.  Brother,  I  hunger  not  for  such  acquaintance: 

Do  you  take  heed,  least: —  Carlo  is  comming  toward  them. 

Sog.   Husht:  my  Brother  sir,  for  want  of  education  sir,  some-  1272 
what  nodding  to  the  Boore,  the  Clowne;  but  I  request  you  in 
priuate  sir. 
i325      Fun.  By  7esu,  it  is  a  very  fine  sute  of  cloathes. 


Cor. 


Hit. 
i33o      Cor. 


ORE  X. 

Doe  you  obserue  that,  Signior?  theres   another  humor 

has  new  crackt  the  shell. 
What?  he  is  enamourd  of  the  Fashion,  is  he? 
O  you  forestall  the  iest. 


Fun.  I  mar'le  what  it  might  stand  him  in? 

Sog.  Nephew? 

Fun.  'Fore  God  it  is  an  excellent  sute,  and  as  neatly  becomes 
him.  What  said  you  Vncle? 
i335      Sog.  When  saw  you  my  Neece? 

Fun.  Mary  yesternight  I  supt  there.  That  kind  of  Boot  does 
very  rare  too. 

Sog.  And  what  newes  heare  you? 

Fun.  The  guilt  Spurre  and  all:  would  J  were  hangde,  but  it  is 

exceeding 


[40]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

1340  exceeding  good.  Say  you? 

Sog.  Your  mind  is  carried  away  with  some  what  else:  I  aske  1290 
what  newes  you  heare? 

Fun.  Troth  wee  heare  none:  in  good  faith  I  was  neuer  so 

pleas'd  with  a  fashion  dayes  of  my  life:  O  (and  I  might  haue  but 

T345  my  wish)  Fid  aske  no  more  of  God  now,  but  such  a  suite,  such  a 

Hatte,  such  a  Bande,   such  a  Doublet,   such  a  Hose,   such  a 

Boote,  and  such  a- — 

Sog.  They  say  there's  a  newe  Motion  of  the  Citie  of  Nineueh, 
with  lonas  and  the  Whale,  to  be  scene  at  Fleet-bridge?  you  can 
i35o  tell  Cousin? 

Fun.  Here's  such  a  world  of  question  with  him  now:  Yes,  I 
thinke  there  be  such  a  thing,  I  saw  the  picture:  would  he  would 
once  be  satisfied.  Let  me  see,  the  Doublet,  say  fiftie  shillings  the 
Doublet,  and  betweene  three  or  foure  pound  the  Hose,  then 
i355  Bootes,  the  Hat,  and  Band:  some  ten  or  eleuen  pound  would  do 
it  all,  and  suite  me  for  the  heauens. 

Sog.  Fie  see  all  those  deuises,  and  I  come  to  London  once. 
Fun.  God  slid,  and  I  cold  compasse  it,  twere  rare:  harke  you 
Vncle. 
i36o      Sog.  What  saies  my  Nephew?  i3o5 

Fung.  Faith  Vncle,  Fid  ha  desirde  you  to  haue  made  a  moti 
on  for  me  to  my  father  in  a  thing,  that:  walke  aside  and  Fie  tell 
you  sir,  no  more  but  this:  there's  a  parcel  of  Lawe  bookes  (some 
twenty  pounds  worth)  that  lie  in  a  place  for  litle  more  then  halfe 
i365  the  money  they  cost:  and  I  thinke  for  some  twelue  pounde  or 
twenty  marke,  I  could  go  neere  to  redeeme  them:  there's  Plow- 
den,  Diar,  Brooke,  and  Fitz  Herbert:  diuers  such  as  I  must  haue 
ere  long:  and  you  know  I  were  as  good  saue  fiue  or  sixe  pounde 
as  not,  Vncle:  I  pray  you  moue  it  for  me. 

1370      Sog.  That  I  wil:  when  would  you  haue  me  do  it?  presently? 
Fung.  O  I,  I  pray  you  good  Vncle:  God  send  me  good  lucke: 
Lord  (and  it  be  thy  wil)  prosper  it:  O  lesu:  now,  now,  if  it  take 
(O  Christ)  I  am  made  for  euer. 

Fast.  Shall  I  tell  you  sir:  by  this  aire,  I  am  the  most  behol- 
i375  ding  to  that  Lord,  of  any  Gentleman  liuing:  hee  dooes  vse  me 
the  most  honourably,   and   with  the  greatest  respect,  more  in 
deed, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [41] 

deed,  than  can  be  vtter'd  with  any  opinion  of  truth. 

Punt.  Then  haue  you,  the  Count  Gratiatol  1822 

Fast.  As  true  noble  a  Gentleman  too  as  any  breathes;   /  am 

i38o  exceedingly  endear'd   to   his    loue:   by  /esu,    (I   protest   to    you 

Signior;  /  speake  it  not  gloriously,  nor  out  of  affectation,  but) 

theres  he,  and  the  Count  Frugale,  Signior  Illustre,  Signior  Lu- 

culento,  and  a  sort  of  them;  that  (when  /  am  at  the  Court)  they 

doo  share  mee  amongst  them.  Happie  is  he  can  enioy  me  most 

i385  priuate;  /  doo  wish  my  selfe  sometime  an  Vbiquitarie  for  their 

loue,  in  good  faith. 

Carl.  Theres  neuer  a  one  of  these  but  might  lye  a  weeke  on 

the  Racke,  ere  they  could  bring  foorth  his  name:   and  yet  hee 

powres  them  out  as  familiarly,  as  if  hee  had  scene  them  stand 

i3go  by  the  fire  in  the  presence,  or  tane  Tabacco  with  them  ouer  the 

stage,  in  the  Lords  roome. 

Punt.  Then  you  must  of  necessitie   knowe    our    Court-starre 
there?  that  planet  of  wit,  Maddona  Sauiolina? 

Fast.  O  Lord  sir/  my  mistresse.  i336 

l3g5      Punt.  Is  she  your  mistresse? 

Fast.  Faith,  heere  be  some  slight  fauours  of  hers  sir,  that  doo 

speake  it,  Shee  is;  as  this  Scarfe  sir,  or  this  Ribband  in  mine  eare, 

or  so;  this  Feather  grew  in  her  sweete  Fanne  sometimes,  though 

nowe  it  bee  my  poore  fortune  to  weare  it  as  you  see  sir;  slight, 

1400  slight,  a  foolish  toy. 

Punt.  Well,  shee  is  the   Ladie  of  a  most  exalted,  and  inge- 
nous  spirit. 

Fast.  Did  you  euer  heare  any  woman  speake  like  her?  or  en- 
richt  with  a  more  plentifull  discourse? 

1405  Carl.  O  villanous/  nothing  but  sound,  sound,  a  meere  Eccho, 
shee  speakes  as  she  goes  tir'd,  in  Cobweb  lawne,  light,  thin:  good 
enough  to  catch  flies  withall. 

Punt.  O,  manage  your  affections. 

Fast.  Well,  if  thou  beest  not  plagu'd  for  this  blasphemie  one 
1410  daie: 

Punt.  Come,  regarde  not  a  /ester:   it  is  in  the  power  of  my 
purse  to  make  him  speake  well  or  ill  of  me. 

F  Fast.  Sir, 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fast.  Sir,  I  affirme  it  to  you  (vpon  my  Credit  and  Judgement)  i352 
she  has  the  most  Harmonious  and  Musicall  straine  of  Wit,  that 
1415  euer  tempted  a  ttue  eare;  and  yet  to  see,  a  rude  rogue  will  pro 
fane  Heauen. 

Punt.  I  am  not  ignorant  of  it  sir. 

Fast.  Oh,  it  flowes  from  her  like  Nectar,  and  she  doth  giue  it, 

that  sweete,   quicke  grace,   and   exornation   in    the    composure, 

1420  that  (By  this  good  Heaven)  shee  does  obserue  as  pure  a  Phrase, 

and  vse  as  choyse  Figures  in  her  ordinary  conferences,  as  any  be 

i'the  Arcadia. 

Car.  Or  rather  in  Greenes  works,  whence  she  may  steale  with 
more  securitie. 

1425      Sord.  Well,  if  tenne  pound  will  fetch'hem,  you  shall  haue  it, 
but  Tie  part  with  no  more. 
Fun.  Tie  trie  what  that  will  doo,  if  you  please. 
Sord.  Doo  so:  and  when  you  haue'hem,  studie  hard. 
Fun.  Yes  sir:  and  I  could  studie  to  get  fortie  shillings  more 
1430  now:  well,  I  will  put  my  selfe  into  the  Fashion,  as  farre  as  this 
will  goe,  presently. 

Sord.  I  wonder  it  raines  not/  the  Almanacke  saies  we  should  7^70 
haue  store  of  raine  to  day. 

Pun.  Why  sir,  to  morrow  I  will  associate  you  to  the  Court 
1435  my   selfe;    and   from    thence    to    the   Cittie,    about  businesse,   a 
Proiect  I  haue:  I  will  expose  it  to  you  Sir:  Carlo  I  am  sure  has 
heard  of  it. 
Car.  What's  that  sir? 

Punt.  I  doo  entend  this  yeare  of  lubile  to  trauaile:  and  (be- 
1140  cause  I  will  not    altogither  goe    vpon   expence)  I  am   determi 
ned  to  put  forth  some  fiue  thousand  pounde,  to  be  paide  me  fiue 
for  one,  vpon  the  returne  of  my  selfe,  my  Wife,  and  my  Dogge, 
from  the  Turkes  Court  in  Constantinople.  If  all,  or  either  of  vs 
miscarry  in  the  iourney,  'tis  gone:  if  wee  be  successefull,  why, 
1445  there  will  be  xxv.  thousand  pounde  to  entertaine  time  withall. 
Nay,  go  not  neighbour  Sordido',  stay  to  night,  and  helpe  to  make 
our    societie    the   fuller.   Gentlemen,   frolicke:   Carlo!  what?  dull 
now? 

Car.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [48] 

Car.  I  was  thinking  on  your  Proiect  sir,  and  you  call  it  so:  is  i385 
1450  this  the  Dogge  goes  with  you? 
Punt.  This  is  the  Dogge  Sir. 
Car.  He  do'not  go  bare-foote,  does  he? 
Punt.  Away  you  traitor,  away. 

Car.  Nay  afore  God,  I  speake  simply;  he  may  pricke  his  foote 
1455  with  a  thorne,  and  bee  as  much  as  the  whole  venter  is  woorth. 
Besides,  for  a  Dogge  that  neuer  trauail'd  before,  it's  a  huge  iour- 
ney  to   Constantinople:  He  tell  you  nowe   (and  hee  were  mine) 
I'ld  haue  some  present  conference  with  a  Physitian,  what  An 
tidotes  were  good  to  giue  him,  and  Preseruatiues  against  poy- 
1460  son:  for  (assure  you)  if  once  your  money  bee  out,  theere  will  be 
diuers  attempts  made  against  the  life  of  the  poore  Animall. 
Punt.  Thou  art  still  dangerous. 
Fast.  Is  Signior  Deliros  wife  your  kinswoman? 
Sog.  I  sir,  she  is  my  Neece,  my  brothers  daughter  heere,  and 
1465  my  Nephewes  sister. 

Sord.  Doo  you  know  her  sir? 

Fast.  O  God  sir,  Signior  Diliro  her  husband  is  my  Merchant. 
Fun.  /,  haue  seene  this  Gentleman  there,  often. 
Fast.  I  crie  you  mercy  sir:  let  me  craue  your  name,  pray  you. 
1470      Fun.  Fungoso  sir.  14.0$ 

Fast.  Good  Signior  Fungoso,  I  shall  request  to  know  you  bet- 
Fun.  I  am  her  brother  sir.  (ter  sir. 

Fast.  In  faire  time  sir. 

Punt.  Come  Gentlemen,  /  will  be  your  conduct. 

1475      Fast.  Nay  pray  you  sir;  we  shal  meet  at  Signior  Deliro's  often. 
Sog.  You  shall  ha'me  at  the  Herals  office  sir,  for  some  weeke 
or  so,  at  my  first  comming  vp.    Come  Carlo.  Exeunt. 

GREX. 

Mit.  Me  thinks  Cordatus,  he  dwelt  somewhat  too  long  on  this 
1480  Scene:  it  hung  in  the  hand. 

Cord.  I  see  not  where  he  could  haue  insisted  lesse,  and  to  haue 
made  the  Humors  perspicuous  enough. 

Mit.  True,  as  his  Subiect  lies:  but  he  might  haue  altered  the 
shape  of  Argument,  and  explicated'hem  better  in  single  Scenes. 

F    2  Cord.  That 


[44]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

1485  Cord.  That  had  bene  Single  indeed:  why?  be  they  not  the  1421 
same  persons  in  this,  as  they  would  haue  bene  in  those?  and  is  it 
not  an  obiect  of  more  State,  to  behold  the  Scene  ful,  and  relieu'd 
with  varietie  of  Speakers  to  the  end,  then  to  see  a  vast  emptie 
stage,  and  the  Actors  come  in  (one  by  one)  as  if  they  were  dropt 
1490  downe  with  a  feather  into  the  eye  of  the  Audience? 

Mil.  Nay,  you  are  better  traded  with  these  things  than  I,  and 
therefore  Tie  subscribe  to  your  Judgement;  marry  you  shal  giue 
me  leaue  to  make  obiections. 

Cord.  O  what  else?  it's  the  speciall  intent  of  the  Author  you 
1495  should  do  so:  for  thereby  others  (that  are  present)  may  as  well 
be  satisfied,  who  happily  would  obiect  ihe  same  you  do. 
Mil.  So  sir,  but  when  appeares  Macelente  againe? 

Enter  Macilente,  Deliro,  Fido,  with  hearbs  and  perfumes. 
Cord.  Mary  he  stayes  but  till  our  silence  giue  him  leaue:  here  1484 
i5oo  he  comes,  and  with  him,  Signior  Deliro  a  Merchant,  at  whose 
house  hee  is  come  to  soiourne:  Make  your  own  obseruation  now: 
onely  transfer  your  thoughts  to  the  Citie  with  the  Scene:  where, 
suppose  they  speake. 

SCENA    TERTIA.  Act.II.Sc.4. 

i5o5      Deliro.  Tie  tell  you  by  and  by  sir. 

Welcome  (good  Macilente}  to  my  house, 

To  soiourne  euen  for  euer,  if  my  best 

In  cates,  and  euery  sort  of  good  intreaty 

May  moue  you  stay  with  me.   •  1445 

i5io        Deliro  turnes  to  his  boy,  and  fals  a  strowing  of  flowers. 
Mac.  I  thanke  you  sir: 

And  yet  the  muffled  Fates  (had  it  pleas'd  them) 

Might  haue  suppli'd  me  from  their  owne  full  store 

Without  this  word  (I  thanke  you)  to  a  foole. 
l5i5  I  see  no  reason  why  that  Dog  fcall'd  Chaunce) 

Should  fawne  vpon  this  fellow  more  than  me: 

I  am  a  man,  and  I  haue  Limmes,  Flesh,  Bloud, 

Bones,  Sinewes,  and  a  Soule  as  well  as  he: 

My 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [48] 


My  parts  are  euery  way  as  good  as  his, 
1620  If  I  said  better?  why  I  did  not  lie; 

Nath'lesse  his  wealth  (but  nodding  on  my  wants) 
Must  make  me  bow,  and  crie:  /  thanke  you  sir. 
Deli.  Dispatch,  take  heed  your  mistresse  see  you  not. 
Fido.  I  warrant  you  sir.  Exit  Fido. 

l5a5      Deli.  Nay  gentle  friend  be  merry,  raise  your  lookes 
Out  of  your  bosome,  I  protest  (by  heauen) 
You  are  the  man  most  welcome  in  the  world. 
Mac.  I  thanke  you  sir,  I  know  my  cue  I  thinke. 

Enter  Fido  with  two  Censors. 
l53o      Fido.  Where  will  you  haue  'hem  burne  sir?  1468 

Deli.  Here  good  Fido: 
What?  she  did  not  see  thee? 
Fido.  No  sir. 
Deli.  That's  well: 

i535  Strew,  strew,  good  Fido,  the  freshest  flowers,  so. 
Mac.  What  meanes  this  Signior  Delirol 
Deli.  Cast  in  more  Frankincence,  yet  more,  well  said. 
O  Macilente,  I  haue  such  a  wife, 
So  passing  faire,  so  passing  faire  vnkind, 
1540  And  of  such  worth  and  right  to  be  vnkind, 

(Since  no  man  can  be  worthie  of  her  kindnesse.) 

Mac.  What  can  there  not?  14*72 

Deli.  No,  that  is  sure  as  death, 
No  man  aliue:  I  doo  not  say  is  not: 
1546  But  cannot  possibly  be  worth  her  kindnesse. 
Nay  that  is  certaine,  let  me  doo  her  Right: 
How  said  II  doo  her  Right?  as  though  /  could, 
As  though  this  dull  grosse  tongue  of  mine  could  vtter 
The  rare,  the  true,  the  pure,  the  infinite  Rights 
i55o  That  sir  (as  high  as  /  can  looke)  within  her. 

Mac.  This  is  such  dotage  as  was  neuer  heard. 
Deli.  Well,  this  must  needs  be  graunted. 
Mac.  Graunted  quoth  you? 
Deli.  Nay  Macilente]  do  not  so  discredit 

F    3  The 


[46]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

i555  The  goodnes  of  your  iudgement  to  denie  it, 

For  I  doo  speake  the  very  least  of  her. 

And  I  would  craue  and  beg  no  more  of  heauen 

For  all  my  fortunes  here,  but  to  be  able 

To  vtter  first  in  fit  tearmes,  what  she  is, 
i56o  And  then  the  true  ioyes  I  conceaue  in  her. 

Mad.  Is't  possible  she  should  deserue  so  well 

As  you  pretend? 

Deli.  I,  and  she  knowes  so  well 

*      Her  owne  deserts  that  (when  I  striue  t'enioy  them) 
i565  She  waies  the  thing  I  doo,  with  what  she  merits: 

And  (seeing  my  worth  outwai'd  so  in  her  graces) 

She  is  so  solemne,  so  precise,  so  froward, 

That  no  obseruance  I  can  doo  to  her, 

Can  make  her  kind  to  me:  if  she  find  fault, 
1670  I  mend  that  fault,  and  then  she  saies  I  faulted 

That  /  did  mend  it.  Now  good  Friend  aduise  me 

How  I  may  temper  this  strange  Splene  in  her. 
Mad.  You  are  too  amorous,  too  obsequious,  i5oo 

And  make  her,  too  assur'd  she  may  command  you. 
i575  When  women  doubt  most  of  their  husbands  loues, 

They  are  most  louing.  Husbands  must  take  heed 

They  giue  no  gluts  of  kindnesse  to  their  wiues, 

But  vse  them  like  their  Horses,  whom  they  feed 

Not  with  a  manger-full  of  meat  togither, 
i58o  But  halfe  a  pecke  at  once,  and  keepe  them  so 

Still  with  an  appetite  to  that  they  giue  them . 

He  that  desires  to  haue  a  louing  wife, 

Must  bridle  all  the  shew  of  that  desire: 

Be  kind,  not  amorous,  nor  bewraying  kindnesse, 
i585  As  if  loue  wrought  it,  but  considerate  Dutie: 

,,  Offer  no  loue-rites,  but  let  wiues  still  seeke  them, 

,,  For  when  they  come  vnsought,  they  sildome  like  them. 
Deli.  Beleeue  me  Madlente,  this  is  Gospell. 

O  that  a  man  were  his  owne  man  so  much, 
l5op  To  rule  himselfe  thus;  /  will  striue  yfaith 

To 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [47] 

To  be  more  strange  and  carelesse:  yet  I  hope  i5i8 

I  haue  now  taken  such  a  perfect  course, 

To  make  her  kind  to  me,  and  Hue  contented, 

That  I  shall  find  my  kindnesse  well  return'd, 
i5g5  And  haue  no  need  to  fight  with  my  affections. 

She  (late)  hath  found  much  fault  with  euery  roome 

Within  my  house;  One  was  too  big  (she  said) 

Another  was  not  furnisht  to  her  mind, 

And  so  through  all:  All  which  I  haue  alter'd. 
1600  Then  here  she  hath  a  place  (on  my  backside) 

Wherein  she  loues  to  walke,  and  that  (she  said) 

Had  some  ill  smels  about  it.  Now  this  walke 

Haue  I  (before  she  knowes  it)  thus  perfum'd 

With  hearbes  and  flowers,  and  laid  in  diuers  places 
i6o5  (As'twere  on  Altars  consecrate  to  her) 

Perfumed  Gloues,  and  delicate  chaines  of  Amber, 

To  keepe  the  aire  in  awe  of  her  sweete  nosthrils: 

This  haue  I  done,  and  this  I  thinke  will  please  her. 

Behold  she  comes. 
1610  Enter  Fallace. 

Fall.  Here's  a  sweet  stinke  indeed: 

What,  shall  I  euer  be  thus  crost  and  plagu'd?  i53j 

And  sicke  of  husband?  O  my  head  doth  ake 
As  it  would  cleaue  asunder  with  these  sauours, 
i6l5  All  my  Room's  alter'd,  and  but  one  poore  Walke 
That  I  delighted  in,  and  that  is  made 
So  fulsome  with  perfumes,  that  I  am  fear'd 
(My  braine  doth  sweat  so)  I  haue  caught  the  plague. 

Del.  Why  (gentle  wife)  is  now  thy  walke  too  sweete? 
1620  Thou  said'st  of  late  it  had  sower  aires  about  it, 
And  found'st  much  fault,  that  I  did  not  correct  it. 
Fall.  Why,  and  I  did  find  fault  Sir? 
Deli.  Nay  deare  wife; 

I  know  thou  hast  said  thou  hast  lou'd  perfumes, 
i625  No  woman  better. 

Fall.  I 


[48]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fall.  I,  long  since  perhaps, 

But  now  that  Sence  is  alterd:  you  would  haue  me  i55o 

(Like  to  a  puddle  or  a  standing  poole) 
To  haue  no  motion,  nor  no  spirit  within  me. 
i63o  No,  I  am  like  a  pure  and  sprightfull  Riuer, 
That  moues  for  euer,  and  yet  still  the  same: 
Or  fire  that  burnes  much  wood,  yet  still  one  flame. 

Deli.  But  yesterday,  I  saw  thee  at  our  garden 
Smelling  on  Roses  and  on  purple  flowers, 
i635  And  since  I  hope  the  Humor  of  thy  Sence 
Is  nothing  chang'd. 

Fall.  Why  those  were  growing  flowers, 
And  these  within  my  walke  are  cut  and  strew'd. 

Deli.  But  yet  they  haue  one  sent. 
1640      Fall.  I,  haue  they  so? 

In  your  grosse  iudgement:  if  you  make  no  difference 
Betwixt  the  sent  of  growing  flowers  and  cut  ones, 
You  haue  a  sence  to  tast  Lampe-oyle,  yfaith. 

And  with  such  iudgement  haue  you  chang'd  the  chambers,  i565 

1645  Leauing  no  roome  that  I  can  ioy  to  be  in 

In  all  your  house:  and  now  my  Walke  and  all 
You  smoake  me  from,  as  if  I  were  a  Foxe, 
And  long  belike  to  driue  me  quite  away: 
Well  walke  you  there,  and  lie  walke  where  I  list. 
i65o      Deli.  What  shall  I  doo?  oh  I  shall  neuer  please  her. 

Ma.  Out  on  thee  dotard,  what  starre  rulde  his  birth? 
That  brought  him  such  a  Starre?  blind  Fortune  still 
Bestowes  her  gifts  on  such  as  cannot  vse  them: 
How  long  shall  I  Hue,  ere  I  be  so  happie, 
i655  To  haue  a  wife  of  this  exceeding  Forme? 

Deli.  Away  with  them,  would  I  had  broke  a  ioynt, 
When  I  deuis'd  this  that  should  so  dislike  her, 
Away,  beare  all  away.  Fido  beare  all  away. 

Fall.  I  doo:  for  feare 

1660  Ought  that  is  there  should  like  her.  O  this  man 
How  cunningly  he  can  conceale  himselfe, 

As 


QUARTO]  EMQTj  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [49! 

As  though  he  lou'd?  lou'd?  nay  honour'd  and  ador'd?  1882 

Deli.  Why,  my  sweete  heart? 
Fall.  Sweete-heart?  oh,  better  still: 

i665  And  asking  why?  wherefore?  and  looking  strangely, 
As  if  he  were  as  white  as  innocence. 
Alas,  you're  simple,  you:  you  cannot  change, 
Looke  pale  at  pleasure,  and  then  red  with  Wonder: 
No,  no,  not  you:  I  did  but  cast  an  amorous  eie  e'en  now 
1670  Vpon  a  paire  of  Gloues  that  somewhat  likt  me,  .-•  j 

And  straight  he  noted  it,  and  gaue  commaund 
All  should  be  tane  away. 

Deli.  Be  they  my  bane  then: 

What  sirah,  Fido,  bring  in  those  Gloues  againe  Enter  Fido.  .,  . 

1675  You  tooke  from  hence. 

Fall.  S'body  sirra,  but  do  not: 
Bring  in  no  Gloues  to  spite  me:  If  ye  doe — 
Deli.  Ay  me,  most  wretched;  how  am  I  misconstru'd? 
Mac.  O,  how  she  tempts  my  heart-strings  with  her  eye,  .  i5()8 

1680  To  knit  them  to  her  Beauties,  or  to  breake? 

What  mou'd  the  heauens,  that  they  could  not  make 
Me  such  a  woman?  but  a  man;  a  beast, 
That  haath  no  blisse  like  to  others.  Would  to  God 
(In  wreake  of  my  misfortunes)  I  were  turn'd 
i685  To  some  faire  water  Nymph,  that  set  vpon 
The  deepest  whirlepit  of  the  rau'nous  Seas, 
My  Adamantine  eyes  might  headlong  hale 
This  yron  world  to  me,  and  drowne  it  all.  1608 

Enter  Fungoso  in  Briskes  Sute. 
1690  G  R  E  X. 

Cord.  (   Behold,  behold,  the  translated  Gallant. 
Mit.     \  O,  he  is  welcome. 

Fung.  God  saue  you  Brother,   and  Sister,  God  saue  you  sir:  i6i3 

I    haue   commendations   for  you   out  i'the    countrey:    I    (wonder 

160,5  they    take    no    knowledge    of   my   Sute:)    mine.  Vncle  Sogliardo 

is  in  towne:   Sister,  me  thinkes  you    are   Melancholly:  "why  are 

you  so  sad?  I  thinke  you  tooke  me  for  Maister  Fastidius  Briske 

G 
[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[5o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

(Sister)  did  you  not? 

Fall.  Why  should  I  take  you  for  him?  1618 

1700      Fun.  Nay  nothing,  I  was  lately  in  Maister  Fastidius  his  com 
pany,  and  me  thinkes  we  are  very  like. 

Deli.  You  haue  a  faire  sute  Brother,  God  giue  you  ioy  on't. 
Fung.   Faith  good  ynough  to  ride  in   Brother,  I  made  it  to 
ride  in. 
I7o5      Fall.  O,  now  I  see  the  cause  of  his  idle  demaund,  was  his  new 

sute. 

Deli.  Pray  you  good  brother,  try  if  you  can  change  her  mood. 
Fung.  I  warrant  you,  let  mee  alone.   He  put  her  out  of  her 
dumpes.  Sister,  how  like  you  my  sute? 
1710      Fall.  O  you  are  a  gallant  in  print  now  Brother. 

Fun.  Faith,  how  like  you  the  fashion?  it  is  the  last  Edition  I 
assure  you. 

Fall.  I  cannot  but  like  it  to  the  desert. 

Fun.  Troth  sister,  I  was  faine  to  borrow  these  Spurres,  I  ha' 
I7i5  left  my  gowne  in  gage  for  them,  pray  you  lend  me  an  angell. 
Fall.  Now  beshrow  my  heart  then. 

Fung.  Good  truth  He  pay  you  againe  at  my  next  exhibition:  1684 
I  had  but  bare  ten  pound  of  my  father,  and  it  would  not  reach  to 
put  me  wholy  into  the  fashion. 
1720      Fall.  I  care  not. 

Fung.  I  had  Spurres  of  mine  owne  before,  but  they  were  not 
Ginglers.  Monsier  Fastidius  will  be  here  anon  sister. 
Fall.  You  iest? 

Fun.  Neuer  lend  me  penny  more  (while   you   Hue   then)    and 
1725  that  Tide  be  loth  to  say,  in  truth. 
Fall.  When  did  you  see  him? 

Fung.  Yesterday,  /  came  acquainted  with  him  at  Sir  Puntar- 
uolo's:  nay  sweet  sister. 

Mac.  I  faine  would  know   of  heauen  now,  why  yond  foole 
I73o  Should  weare  a  sute  of  Sattin?  he?  that  Rooke? 
That  painted  lay,  with  such  a  deale  of  outside? 
What  is  his  inside  trow?  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha. 
Good  heauen  giue  me  patience, 

A  number 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [5i] 

A  number  of  these  Popeniayes  there  are,  i65i 

1735  Whom  if  a  man  conferre,  and  but  examine 
Their  inward  merit,  with  such  men  as  want; 
Lord,  Lord,  what  things  they  are/ 

Fall.  Come,  when  will  you  pay  me  againe  now? 

Fun.  O  God  Sister. 

1740  Enter  Fastidius  Briske  in  a  new  sute.  Act.II.Sc.6. 

Mac.  Here  comes  another.  idSj 

Fast.  Saue  you  Signior  Deliro:  how  doest  thou  sweet  Lady? 
Let  me  kisse  thee. 

Fun.  How?  a  new  sute?  Ay  me. 
1745      Deli.  And  how  does  Maister  Fastidius  Briske? 

Fast.  Faith  Hue  in  Court  Signior  Deliro,  in  grace  I  thank  God, 
both  of  the  Noble  Masculine  and  Feminine.  I  must  speake  with 
you  in  priuate  by  and  by. 

Deli.  When  you  please  Sir. 
1760      Fall.  Why  looke  you  so  pale  brother? 

Fun.  Slid  all  this  money  is  cast  away  now. 

Mad.  I,  there's  a  newer  Edition  come  forth.  i6*jo 

Fun.  Tis  but  my  hard  fortune:  wel,  He  haue  my  sute  changde, 
He  go  fetch  my  Tailor  presently,  but  first  He  deuise  a  letter  to  my 
1755  father.  Ha'you  any  pen  and  inke  Sister? 
Fall.  What  would  you  do  withall? 

Fun.  I  would  vse  it.  S'light  and  it  had  come  but  foure  dayes 
sooner  the  Fashion.  Exit. 

Fast.  There  was  a  Countesse  gaue  me  her  hand  to  kisse  to  day 
1760  in  the  presence:  it  did  me  more  good  by  lesu,  then,  and  yester 
night  sent  her'  Coach  twise  to  my  lodging,  to  intreate  me  accom 
pany  her,  and  my  sweet  mistresse,  with  some  two  or  three  name- 
lesse  Ladies  more:  O,  I  haue  bene   grac't  by  them,  beyond  all 
aime  of  affection:  this  is  her  garter,   my  dagger  hanges  in:  and 
1765  they  doo  so  commend  and  approue  my  apparell,  with  my  iudici- 
ous  wearing  of  it,  it's  aboue  wonder. 

Fall.  Indeed  sir,  tis  a  most  excellent  sute,  and  you  doo  weare 
it  as  extraordinary. 

G    2  Fast.  Why 


[52]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fast.  Why  He  tell  you  now  (in  good  faith)  and  by  this  Chaire,  1686 
1770  which  (by  the  grace  of  God)  I  entend  presently  to  sit  in,  I  haJ 
three  Sutes  in  one  yeare,  made  three  great  Ladies  in  loue  with 
me:  I  had  other  three,  vndid  three  Gentlemen  in  imitation:  and 
other  three,   gat  three  other   Gentlewomen,   Widdows   of  three 
thousand  pound  a  yeare. 
1775      Deli.  Is't  possible? 

Fast.  O  beleeue  it  sir;  your  good  Face  is  the  Witch,  and  your 
Apparell  the  Spelles,  that  bring  all  the  pleasures  of  the  world  in 
to  their  Circle. 

Fall.  Ah,  the  sweet  Grace  of  a  Courtier/ 

1780  Mac.  Well,  would  my  father  had  left  me  but  a  good  Face  for 
my  portion  yet;  though  I  had  shar'd  the  vnfortunate  Wit  that 
goes  with  it,  I  had  not  car'de:  I  might  haue  past  for  somewhat 
in  the  world  then. 

Fast.  Why,  assure  you  Signior,  rich  apparell  has  strange  ver-  1698 
1785  tues:  it  makes  him  that  hath  it  without  meanes,  esteemed  for  an 
excellent  Wit:  he  that  enioyes  it  with  meanes,  puts  the  world  in 
remembrance  of  his  meanes:    it   helpes   the   deformities  of  Na 
ture,  and  giues  Lustre  to  her  beauties:  makes  continuall  Holi 
day  where  it  shines:  sets  the  wits  of  Ladies  at  worke,  that  other- 
1790  wise   would    bee    idle:    furnisheth    your    two-shilling   Ordinarie: 
takes  possession  of  your  Stage  at  your  new  Play:  and  enricheth 
your  Oares,  as  scorning  to  goe  with  your  Scull. 

Mac.  Pray  you  sir,  adde  this:  it  giues  respect  to  your  fooles, 
makes    many    Theeues,     as    many    Strumpets,    and    no    fewer 
1795  Bankrups. 

Fall.   Out,   out,   vnworthie  to  speake  where  he  breatheth. 
Fast.  What's  he,  Signior? 
Deli.  A  friend  of  mine,  sir. 

Fast.   By  heauen,   I   wonder  at  you  Cittizens,  what  kinde  of 
1800  Creatures  you  are? 
Deli.  Why  sir? 

Fast.  That  you  can  consort  your  selues  with  such  poore  seam- 
rent  fellowes. 
Fall.  He  saies  true. 

Deli.  Sir, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [53J 

i8o5      Deli.  Sir  I  will  assure  you  (how  euer  you  esteeme  of  him)  he's  1717 
a  man  worthy  of  regard. 

Fast.  Why?  what  ha's  hee  in  him  of  such  vertue  to  be  regar 
ded?  ha? 

Deli.  Marry  he  is  a  Scholler  sir. 
1810      Fast.  Nothing  else? 

Deli.  And  he  is  well  trauailde. 

Fast.  He  should  get  him  cloathes;  I  would  cherish  those  good 
parts  of  trauell  in  him,  and  preferre  him  to  some  Nobleman  of 
good  place. 

i8i5  Deli.  Sir,  such  a  benefit  should  bind  me  to  you  for  euer  (in  my 
friends  right)  and  I  doubt  not  but  his  desert  shall  more  than  an- 
swere  my  praise. 

Fast.  Why,  and  hee  had  good  cloathes,  Fid  carrie  him  to  the 
Court  with  me  to  morrow. 

1820  Deli.  He  shall  not  want  for  those  Sir,  if  Golde  and  the  whole 
Cittie  will  furnish  him. 

Fast.  You  say  wel  sir:  faith  Signior  Deliro,  I  am  come  to  haue 
you  play  the  Alchymist  with  me,  and  chaunge  the  Species  of  my 
land,  into  that  mettall  you  talke  of. 

1825      Deli.  With  all  my  heart  sir,  what  summe  will  serue  you?  ij35 

Fast.  Faith  some  three  or  fourescore  pound. 
Deli.   Troth  sir,    I   haue   promist  to    meete   a   Gentleman  this 
morning  in  Paules,  but  vpon  my  returne  Tie  dispatch  you. 

Fast.  He  accompany  you  thither. 
l83o      Deli.  As  you  please  sir:  but  I  go  not  thither  directly. 

Fast.  'Tis  no  matter,  I  haue  no  other  designment  in  hand,  and 
therefore  as  good  go  along. 

Deli.  I  were  as  good  haue  a  Quartane  feauer  follow  me  now, 
for  I  shall  ne're  be  ridde  of  him:  (bring  me  a  Cloake  there  one) 
i835  Still  vpon  his  grace  at  the  Court  am  /  sure  to  be  visited:  /  was 
a  beast  to  giue  him  any  hope.  Well,  would  /  were  in,  that  /  am 
out   with    him    once,    and.  —  Come    Signior    Macilente,    I   must 
conferre  with  you  as  we  go.  Nay  deare  wife,  /  beseech  thee  for 
sake  these   moodes:    looke  not  like  winter  thus.  Heere  take  my 
1840  keyes,  open   my  counting  houses,   spread   all  my  wealth  before 

G      3  thee, 


[54]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

thee,  choose  any  obiect  that  delightes  thee:  If  thou  wilt  eate 
the  spirit  of  Golde,  and  drinke  dissolu'd  Pearle  in  Wine,  tis  for 
thee. 

Fall.  So  Sir. 
1845      Deli.  Nay  my  sweet  wife. 

Fall.  Good  Lord!  how  you  are  perfumed  in  your  tearmes  and 
all:  pray  you  leaue  vs. 
Deli.  Come  Gentlemen. 

Fast.  Adue,  sweet  Ladie.  Exeunt  all  but  Fallace. 

i85o  Fall.  I,  I,  Let  thy  wordes  euer  sounde  in  mine  eares,  and  thy 
Graces  dispearse  contentment  through  all  my  sences:  O,  how 
happie  is  that  Ladie  aboue  other  Ladies,  that  enioyes  so  ab 
solute  a  Gentleman  to  her  Seruant/  A  Countesse  giue  him 
her  hand  to  kisse/  ah  foolish  Countesse;  hee's  a  man  woorthie 
i855  (if  a  woman  may  speake  of  a  mans  woorth)  to  kisse  the  lips  of  an 
Empresse. 

Enter  Fungoso  with  his  Taylor. 

Fun.  What's  Maister  Fastidius  gone,  sister?  1764 

Fall.  I  brother:  he  has  a  Face  like  a  Cherubin. 

1860      Fun.  Gods  me,  what  luck's  this?  I  haue  fetcht  my  Taylor  and 
all:  which  way  went  he  sister?  can  you  tell? 

Fall.  Not  I,  in  good  faith:  and  hee  has  a  bodie  like  an  An- 
gell. 

Fun.  How  long  is't  since  he  went? 

i865      Fall.  Why  but  e'en  nowe:    did   you   not   meete   him?   and   a 
Tongue  able  to  rauish  any  woman  in  the  earth. 

Fun.  O,  for  Gods  sake  (He  please  you  for  your  paines:)  but 
e'en  now,  say  you?  Come  good  sir:  S'lid  I  had  forgot  it  too:  Si 
ster,  if  any  bodie  aske  for  mine  Vncle  Sogliardo,  they  shall  ha' 
1870  him  at  the  Heralds  Office  yonder  by  Paules. 

Exit  with  his  Taylor. 

Fall.  Well;   I  will  not  altogither  dispaire:  I  haue  heard  of  a 
Citizens  wife  has  bene  beloued  of  a  Courtier;  and  why  not  I? 
heigh  ho:  well,  I  will  into  my  priuate  Chamber,  locke  the  doore 
1875  to  me,  and  thinke  ouer  all  his  good  partes  one  after  another. 

Exit. 

GREX. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [55] 

G  RE  x. 

Mit.   Well,   I   doubt  this  last  Scene  will  endure  some  grieuous  2781 
Torture. 

1880      Cor.  How?  you  feare'twil  be  rackt  by  some  hard  Costruction? 
Mit.  Doo  not  you? 

Cord.  No  in  good  faith:  vnlesse  mine  eyes  coulde  light  mee 
beyond  Sence,  I  see  no  reason  why  this  should  be  more  Liable 
to  the  Racke  than  the  rest:  you'le  say  perhaps  the  Cittie  will 
i885  not  take  it  well,  that  the  Merchant  is  made  here  to  dote  so  per 
fectly  vpon  his  wife;  and  she  againe,  to  be  so  Fastidiously  affected, 
as  she  is? 

Mit.  You  haue  vtter'd  my  thought  sir,  indeed. 
Cord.    Why    (by    that    proportion)   the   Court    might    as    well 
1890  take  offence  at  him  wee  call  the  Courtier,  and  with  much  more 
Pretext,  by  how  much  the  place  transcendes   and  goes  before 
in  dignitie   and   vertue:    but   can  you   imagine  that  anie   Noble 
or  true  Spirite  in  the  Court  (whose  Sinewie,  and  altogether  vn- 
affected  graces,   verie   worthily    expresse    him   a    Courtier)    will 
1896  make  any  exception  at  the  opening  of  such   an  emptie  Trunke 
as  this  Briske  is?  or  thinke  his  owne  worth   impeacht  by  behol 
ding  his  motley  inside? 

Mit.  No  sir,  I  doo  not.  1797 

Cord.  No  more,  assure  you,  will  any  graue  wise  Cittizen,  or 
1900  modest  Matron,  take  the  obiect  of  this  Follie  in  Deliro  and  his 
Wife;    but  rather   apply  it  as  the  foyle  to  their  owne  vertues: 
For  that  were  to  affirme,  that  a  man  writing  of  Nero,   should 
meane   all   Emperours:    or    speaking   of  Machiauel,   comprehend 
all  States-men;  or  in  our  Sordido,   all   Farmars;   and  so   of  the 
1905  rest:    than    which,    nothing    can    bee    vtter'de    more    malicious 
and  absurd.  Indeed  there  are  a  sort  of  these  narrow-ey'd   De 
cipherers,    I    confesse,   that  will    extort    straunge    and    abstruse 
meanings   out  of  anie    Subiect,    bee    it  neuer    so    Conspicuous 
and  innocentlie  deliuerd.  But  to  such  (where  er'e  they  sit  con- 
1910  ceald)    let    them    knowe,   the    Authour    defies    them,    and    their 
writing-table;     and    hopes,     no     sounde     or     safe     iudgement, 
will    infect    it    selfe    with     their    contagious    Comments,    whoe 

(indeed) 


[56]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

(indeed)  come  here  only  to  peruert  and  poison  the  sence  of  what 
they  heare,  and  for  nought  else. 
igi5      Mit.  Stay,  what  new  Mute  is  this  that  walks  so  suspiciously?     1811 

ACTVS  TERTIVS,  SCENA  PRIM  A. 

Enter  Caualier  Shift,   with  two  Siquisses  in  his  hand. 
Cord.  O,  marry  this  is  one,  for  whose  better  Illustration,  we  1812 
must  desire  you  to  presuppose  the   Stage,   the   middle  Isle  in 
1920  Paules;  and  that,  the  West  end  of  it. 
Mit.  So  sir:  and  what  followes? 

Cord.  Faith  a  whole  volume  of  Humor,  and  worthie  the  vn- 
clasping. 

M it.  As  how?  what  name  do  you  giue  him  first? 

1926      Cord.  He  hath  shift  of  names  sir:  some  call  him  Apple  John, 
some  Signior  Whiffe,  marry  his  maine  standing  name  is  Caualier 
Shift:  the  rest  are  but  as  cleane  shirts  to  his  Natures. 
Mit.  And  what  makes  he  in  Paules  now? 

Cor.  Troth  as  you  see,  for  the  aduancement  of  a  Siquis  or  two; 
1930  wherein  he  has  so  varied  himselfe,  that  if  any  one  of  them  take, 
he  may  hull  vp  and  down  i'the  Humorous  world  a  little  longer. 
Mit.  It  seemes  then,  he  beares  a  very  changing  saile? 
Cor.  O,  as  the  wind  sir:  here  comes  more. 

Enter  Orenge.  Act.III.Sc. 

10,35      Shift.  This  is  rare,  I  haue  set  vp  my  bils  without  discouerie.      1829 

Oren.  What?  Signior  Whiffet  what  fortune  has  brought  you 
into  these  West  parts? 

Shift.  Troth  Signior,  nothing  but  your  Rheume;  I  haue  bene 
taking  an  ounce  of  Tabacco  hard  by  heere  with  a  Gentleman, 
1940  and  I  am  come  to  spit  priuate  in  Paules.  God  saue  you  sir. 
Oren.  Adue  good  Signior  Whiffe.  Enter  Cloue. 

Cloue.  Maister  Apple  John?  you  are  well  met:  when  shall  wee 
suppe  together,  and  laugh  and  bee  fatte  with  those  good  Wen 
ches?  ha? 

1945      Shift.  Faith  sir,  I  must  now  leaue  you,  vpon  a  fewe  Humors 
and  occasions:  but  when  you  please  Sir.  Exit. 

Cloue.  Fare- 


QUARTO]  Eueryman  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [87] 

Clone.  Farewell  sweet  Apple  lohn:  I  wonder  there  are  no  more  1840 
store  of  Gallants  here? 

G  REX. 
ig5o      Mit.   I  What  be  these  two,  Signior? 

Cor.  )  Marry  a  couple  sir,  that  are  meere  strangers  to  the 
whole  scope  of  our  Play;  only  come  to  walke  a  turne 
or  two  i'this  Scene  of  Paules  by  chance. 

They  walke  togither. 
Oren.  Saue  you,  good  Maister  Clone. 
Clone.  Sweet  Master  Orenge. 

GR  EX. 

Mit.  How?  Clone,  and  Orenge? 

Cor.  I,  and  they  are  wel  met,  for  'tis  as  drie  an  Orenge  as  euer  i85i 
1960  ^    grew:  nothing  but   Salutation,   and   O   God  sir,   and  //  pleases 
you  to  say  so  sir;  one  that  can  laugh  at  a  iest  for  company,  with  a 
most  plausible,   and  extemporall  grace;  and  some  houre  after 
in  priuate  aske  you  what  it  was:  the  other,  Monsieur  Clone,  is 
]  a  more    spic't   youth:    he    will    sit    you    a    whole    afternoone 
ig65  /  sometimes,  in   a   Book-sellers   shop,  reading  the  Greeke,   Ita 
lian,  and  Spanish:  when  hee  vnderstands  not  a  word  of  ey- 
!    ther:  if  he  had  the  Tongues  to  his  Sutes,  he  were  an  excellent 
\  Linguist. 

Clone.  Do  you  heare  this  reported  for  certainty? 
1970      Oreng.  O  good  sir. 

Enter  Pnntarnolo,  Carlo:  two  seruingmen  following,  Act. III. Sc. 2. 

one  leading  the  Dogge. 

Punt.  Sirrah,  take  my  Cloake:  and  you  sir  knaue,  follow  mee 
closer:  if  thou  loosest  my  Dogge,  thou  shalt  die  a  Dogs  death:  I 
1975  will  hang  thee. 

Carl.  Tut,  feare  him  not,  hee's  a  good  leane  slaue,  hee  loues 
a  Dogge  well  I  warrant  him;  I  see  by  his  looke,  I:  masse  hee's 
somewhat  like  him.  Sbloud  poyson  him,  make  him  away  with  a 
crooked  pin,  or  somewhat  man;  thou  maist  haue  more  securitie 
1980  of  thy  life:  and  so  Sir,  what?  you  ha'not  put  out  your  whole  ven 
ter  yet?  ha'you. 
Punt.  No,  I  do  want  yet   some   fifteene   or  sixteene  hundred 

H  pounds: 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


,     Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

pounds:  but  my  Lady  (my  wife)  is  out  of  her  Humor;  shee  does 
not  now  goe. 
1985      Car.  No?  how  then?  1872 

Punt.  Marry,  I  am  now  enforc't  to  giue  it  out,  vpon  the  re- 
turne  of  my  selfe,  my  Dogge,  and  my  Cat. 
Car.  Your  Cat?  where  is  shee? 

Punt.  My  Squire  has  her  there  in  the  Bagge:  Sirrah,  looke  to 
1990  her:  How  lik'st  thou  my  change,  Carlo? 

Car.  Oh,  for  the  better  sir:  your  Cat  has  nine  Hues,  and  your 
wife  has  but  one. 

Punt.  Besides,  shee  will  neuer  be  Sea-sicke,  which  will  saue 
me  so  much  in  Conserues:  when  saw  you  signior  Sogliardo? 
1995      Car.  I  came  from  him  but  now,  hee  is  at  the  Hersulds  Office 
yonder:  he  requested  me  to  goe  afore,  and  take  vp  a  man  or  two 
for  him  in  Paules,  against  his  Cognisance  was  readie. 
Punt.  What?  has  he  purchast  armes  then? 

Car.  I,  and  rare  ones  too:  of  as  many  colours,  as  e're  you  sawe 
2000  any  fooles  coat  in  your  life.  He  go  looke  among  yond  Billes,  and 
I  can  fit  him  with  Legs  to  his  Armes. 
Pun.  With  Legs  to  his  Armes/  Good:  I  will  go  with  you  sir. 

They  go  to  looke  vpon  the  Billes. 

Enter  Fastidius,  Deliro,  and  Macilente.  Act. II I.* 

2oo5      Fast.  Come,  lets  walke  in  the  Mediterraneum:  I  assure  you  sir, 
I  am  not  the  least  respected  among  Ladies:  but  let  that  passe:  do 
you  know  how  to  goe  into  the  Presence  sir? 
Mac.  Why,  on  my  feete  sir. 

Fast.  No,  on  your  head  sir:  for  tis  that  must  beare  you  out,  I 
2010  assure  you;  as  thus  sir:  You  must  first  haue  an  especiall  care  so  to 
weare  your  Hat,  that  it  oppresse  not  confusedly  this  your  Predo 
minant  or  Fore-top:  because  (when  you  come  at  the   Presence 
doore)  you  may  with  once  or  twise  stroking  vp  your  Forehead 
thus,  enter  with  your  Predominant  perfect:  that  is,  standing  vp 
20i5  stifle. 

Mac.  As  if  one  were  frighted? 
Fnst.  I  sir. 

Mac.  Which   indeed,  a    true    feare  of  your  Mistresse  should 

doo, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [89] 

doo,  rather  than  Gumme  water,  or  whites  of  Egges:  is't  riot  so 

2020  Sir? 

Fast.  An  ingenious  obseruation:  giue  me  leaue  to  craue  your  igo6 
name  sir. 

Deli.  His  name  is  Macilente  sir. 
Fast.    Good    Signior    Macilente:    if    this    Gentleman,     Signior 

2O25  Deliro,  furnish  you  as  he  saies  he  will  with  cloathes,  I  will  bring 
you  to  morrow  by  this  time,  into  the  presence  of  the  most  Di- 
uine  and  Acute  Ladie  of  the  Court:  you  shall  see  sweet  Silent 
Rhetorique,  and  Dumbe  Eloquence  speaking  in  her  eye:  but 
when  shee  speakes  her  selfe,  such  an  Anotomie  of  Witte,  so 

2o3o  Sinewiz'd    and    Arteriz'd,    that    'tis    the    goodliest    Modell    of 
pleasure  that  euer  was,   to  beholde.   Oh,  she  strikes  the  world 
into  Admiration  of  her;   (O,    O,    O)    I    cannot  expresse'hem  be- 
leeue  mee. 
Mac.  O,  your  onely  Admiration,  is  your  silence,  sir. 

2o35  Punt.  Fore  God  Carlo,  this  is  good;  let's  read'hern  againe: 
//  there  be  anie  Ladie,  or  Gentlewoman  of  good  carriage,  that  is  de 
sirous  to  enter taine  (to  her  priuate  vses)  a  young  straight,  and  vpright 
Gentleman,  of  the  age  of  fine,  or  sixe  and  twentie  at  the  most:  who  can 
serue  in  the  nature  of  a  Gentleman  Vsher,  and  hath  little  legs  ofpur- 

2040  pose,  and  a  blacke  Satten  Sute  of  his  owne  to  goe  before  her  in:  which 
Sute  (for  the  more  sweetning)  now  lies  in  Lauander:  and  can  hide 
his  face  with  her  Fan,  if  need  require:  or  sit  in  the  colde  at  the  staire 
foote  for  her,  as  well  as  an  other  Gentleman:  Let  her  subscribe  her 
Name  and  Place,  and  diligent  respect  shall  be  giuen. 

2045  This  is  aboue  measure  excellent;  ha? 

Carl.  No  this,  this:  here's  a  fine  slaue. 

Punt.  If  this  Citie,  or  the  sub-urbs  of  the  same,  doo  affoord  any  young 
Gentleman,  of  the  I.  2.  or  3.  head,  more  or  lesse,  whose  friendes  are  but 
lately  deceased,  and  whose  lands  are  but  new  come  to  his  hands,  that 

2o5o  (to  be  as  exactly  qualified  as  the  best  of  our  ordinary  gallants  are)  is 
affected  to  entertaine  the  most  Gentlemanlike  vse  of  Tobacco:  as 
first,  to  giue  it  the  most  exquisite  perfume;  then,  to  know  all  the  diti- 
cate  sweet  formes  of  the  assumption  of  it:  as  also  the  rare  Corollary  and 
practise  of  the  Cuban  Ebolition,  E  V RIP  VS,  and  Whiffe-,  which  he 

H   2  shall 


[6o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2o55  shall  receiue  or  take  in  here  at  London,  and  euaporate  at  Vxbridge,  or 
farder,  if  it  please  him.  If  there  be  any  such  generous  spirit,  that  is  truly 
enamour'd  of  these  good  faculties:  May  it  please  him,  but  (by  a  note 
of  his  hand)  to  specific  the  place,  or  Ordinary  where  he  vses  to  eat  and 
lie,  and  most  sweet  attendance  with  Tabacco  and  Pipes  of  the  best  sort 
2060  shall  be  ministred:  STET  QV&SO  CANDIDE  LEC 
TOR.  Why  this  is  without  Paralel,  this/ 

Carlo.  Well,  Tie  marke  this  fellowe  for   Sogliardo's  vse   pre-  1946 
sently. 

Put.  Or  rather,  Sogliardo  for  his  vse. 

2o65  Carlo.  Faith  either  of  'hem  will  serue,  they  are  both  good 
Properties:  Tie  designe  the  other  a  place  too,  that  wee  may  see 
him. 

Punt.  No  better  place  than  the  Mitre,  that  we  may  be  Specta 
tors  with  you  Carlo.  Soft,  behold,  who  enters  here:  Signior  Sogli- 
2070  ardo!  God  saue  you.  Enter  Sogliardo.  Act. II I. Sc 

Sog.  Saue  you  good  sir  Puntaruolo;  your  Dogge's  in  health  sir 
I  see:  how  now  Carlo? 

Car.  We  haue  ta'ne  simple  paines  to  choose  you  out  followers 
here. 
2075      Punt.  Come  hither  Signior. 

They  shew  him  the  Bits. 

Clone.  Monsieur  Orenge,  yond'  Gallants  obserue  vs;  pray  thee 
let's  talke  Fustian  a  litle  and  gul'hem:  make'hem  beleeue  we  are 
great  Schollers. 
2080      Oreng.  O  Lord  sir. 

Clone.  Nay,  pr'y  thee  let's,  by  lesu:  you  haue  an  excellent  ha 
bit  in  discourse. 

Oreng.  It  pleases  you  to  say  so  sir. 

Cloue.  By  this  Church  you  ha'la:   nay  come,  begin:  Aristotle 
2o85  in  his  Dcemonologia  approoues  Scaliger  for  the  best  Nauigator  in  his 
time:  and  in  his  Hy Per  critiques,  he  reports  him  to  be  Hcautontimo- 
rumenos:  you  vnderstand  the  Greeke  sir? 
Oreng.  O  good  sir. 

Mac.  For  societies  sake  hee  does.  O  here  be  a  couple  of  fine 
2090  tame  Parrets. 

Cloue.  Now 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [61] 

Clone.  Now  sir,  Whereas  the  Ingennitie  of  the  time,  and  the  1974 
soules  Synderisis  are  but  Embrions  in  Nature,  added  to  the  panch 
of  Esquiline,  &  the  Inter-uallum  of  the  Zodiack,  besides  the  Eclip- 
tickeline  being  Optick  &  not  Mental,  but  by  the  contemplatiue  and 
200,5  Theoricke  part  therof,  doth  demonstrate  to  vs  the  vegetable  cir 
cumference,  and  the  ventositie  of  the  Tropicks,  and  wheras  our  in- 
tellectuall  or  mincing  capreall  (according  to  the  Metaphisicks)  as 
you  may  read  in  Plato's  Histriomastix:  You  conceiue  me  sir? 

Oren.  O  Lord  sir. 

2100      Clou.  Then  comming  to  the  prety  Animal,  as  Reason  long  since 
is  fled  to  Animals  you  know,  or  indeed  for  the  more  modelizing  or 
enamelling,  or  rather  diamondizing  of  your  subiect,  you  shall  per- 
ceiue  the  Hipothesis  or  Galaxia,  (whereof  the  Meteors  long  since  had 
their    Initial    inceptions    and  Notions)    to    bee   meerly    Pithagori- 
2io5  cal,  Mathematicall,  and  Astronomical  I:  for  looke  you  sir,  there  is 
euer  a  kind  of  Concinnitie  and  Species.  Let  vs  turne  to  our  former 
discourse,  for  they  marke  vs  not. 
Fast.  Masse,  yonders  the  Knight  Puntaruolo. 

Deli.  And  my  cousin  Sogliardo,  me  thinkes.  1990 

21 10      Mac.  I,  and  his  familiar  that  haunts  him,  the  diuel  with  a  shi 
ning  face. 
Deli.  Let  them  alone,  obserue  them  not. 

Sogliardo,  Punt.  Car.  walke. 

Sog.  Nay  I  wil  haue  him,  I  am  resolute  for  that,  by  this  parch- 
21 15  ment  gentlemen,  I  haue  bene  so  toylde  among  the  Harrots  yon 
der,  you  wil  not  beleeue,  they  do  speak  in  the  strangest  language, 
and  giue  a  man  the  hardest  termes  for  his  money,  that  euer  you 
knew. 

Car.  But  ha'you  armes?  ha'you  armes? 

2120      Sog.  Yfayth,   I   thanke   God   I   can   write  my  selfe  Gentlemen 
now,  heeres  my  Pattent,  it  cost  me  thirtie  pound  by  this  breath. 
Punt.  A  very  faire  Coat,  well  chargde,  and  full  of  Armorie. 
Sog.  Nay,  it  has  as  much  varietie  of  colours  in  it,  as  you  haue 
scene  a  Coat  haue,  how  like  you  the  Crest  sir? 
2125      Punt.  I  vnderstand  it  not  well,  what  is't? 

Sog.  Marry  sir,  it  is  your  Bore  without  a  hea4  Rampant. 

H     3  Punt.  A 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Punt.  A  Bore  without  a  head,  that's  very  rare.  2006 

Car.  I,  and  Rampant  too:  troth  I  commend  the   Heralds  wit, 
he  has  deciphered  him  well:  A  Swine  without  a  head,  without 
2i3o  braine,   wit,   any  thing  indeed,   Ramping  to  Gentilitie.  You  can 
blazon  the  rest  Signior?  can  you  not? 

Sag.  O  I,  I  haue  it  in  writing  here  of  purpose,  it  cost  me  two 
shillings  the  tricking. 

Car.  Let's  heare,  let's  heare. 

2i35  Punt.  It  is  the  most  vile,  foolish,  absurd,  palpable,  and  ridicu 
lous  Escutcheon  that  euer  this  eye  suruisde.  Saue  you  good  Mon 
sieur  Fastidius.  They  salute  as  they  meete 

Car.  Silence  good  knight:  on,  on.  in  the  Walke. 

Sog'  GYRONY   of  eight   pieces,   AZVRE   and   GVLES, 
2140  between  three  plates   a   CHEVRON  engrailed   checkey,   OR, 
VERT  and  ERMINES;  on  a  chiefe   ARGENT  betweene 
two  ANN'LETS,  sables  a  Bores  head  PROPER. 

Car.  How's  that?  on  a  chiefe  ARGENT? 

Sog.  On  a  chiefe  ARGENT,  a   Bores  head  PROPER  be-  2022 
21^5  tweene  two  ANN'LETS  sables. 

Carl.   Slud,   it's  a   Hogs   Cheeke  and   Puddings   in  a   Pewter 
field  this.  '  Here  they  shift,  Fast,  mixes 

Sog.  How  like  you  them  signior?      )   with  Punt.  Car.  and  Sogli. 

Pu.  Let  the  world  be,  Not  without  )   Deli,  and  Macilente,  Cloue 
2i5o  mustard,  your  Crest  is  very  rare  sir.   V  and  Orenge,f our e  couple. 

Car.  A  frying  pan  to  the  Crest,  had  no  fellow. 

Fast.  Intreat  your  poore  friend  to  walke  off  a  little  Signior, 
I  will  salute  the  knight. 

Car.  Come  lap't  vp,  lap't  vp. 
2i55      Fast.  You  are  right  wel  encountred  sir,  how  do's  your  fair  Dog? 

Pun.  In  reasonable  state  sir,  what  Cittizen  is  that  you  were 
consorted  with?  a  merchant  of  any  worth? 

Fast.  Tis  Signior  Deliro  sir. 


Punt.  Is  it  he?  Saue  you  sir. 


Salute. 


2160      Deli.  Good  sir  Puntaruolo. 

Mac.  O    what    Copie    of  foole    would    this    place  minister  to 
one  endew'd  with  Patience  to  obserue  it? 
/'•  Car.  Nay 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [63] 

Car.  Nay  looke  you  sir,  now  you  are  a  Gentleman,  you  must  2040 
carry  a  more  exalted  presence,  chaunge  your  moode  and  habite 
2i65  to  a  more  austere  forme,  be  exceeding  proud,  stand  vpon  your 
Gentilitie,  and  scorne  euery  man.  Speak  nothing  humbly,  neuer 
discourse  vnder  a  Noble-man,  though  you  neuer  sawe  him  but 
riding  to  the  Starre-chamber  t  it's  all  one.  Loue  no  man,  Trust  no 
man,  speake  ill  of  no  man  to  his  face,  nor  well  of  any  man  behind 
2170  his  backe.  Salute  fairly  on  the  front,  and  wish'hem  hang'd  vpon 
the  turne.  Spread  your  selfe  vpon  his  bosome  publikely,  whose 
heart  you  would  eate  in  priuate.  These  be  principles,  thinke  on 
'hem,  I'le  come  to  you  againe  presently. 

Exit  Car.  Sogliardo  mixes  with  Punt,  and  Fast.          (ruffe. 
2175      Punt.  Sirah,  keep  close,  yet  not  so  close,  thy  breath  wil  thaw  my 
Sog.  O  good  cousin,  I  am  a  little  busie,  how  does  my  neece,  I 
am  to  walke  with  a  knight  here.  Enter  Fung,  with  his  Tailor.  Act.III.Sc.5. 

Fung.  O  he  is  here,  looke  you  sir,  that's  the  Gentleman. 
Tail.  What  he  i'the  blush  colourd  Sattin? 

2180  Fung.  I,  he  sir,  thogh  his  sute  blush,  he  blushes  not:  looke  you» 
that's  the  sute  sir:  I  would  haue  mine,  such  a  sute  without  diffe 
rence,  such  stuffe,  such  a  wing,  such  a  sleeue,  such  a  skirt,  belly  and 
all;  therefore,  pray  you  obserue  it.  Haue  you  a  paire  of  Tables? 

Fast.  Why  do  you  see  sir?  they  say  I  am  Phantastical:  why  true)  OUSD 
2l85  I  know  it,  &  I  pursue  my  Humor  still  in  cotempt  of  this  censori 
ous  age:  S'light  &  a  man  should  do  nothing  but  what  a  sort  of 
stale  iudgements  about  this  towne  will  approue  in  him,  he  were  a 
sweet  Asse,  I'ld  beg  him  yfaith:  I  ne're  knew  any  more  find  fault 
with  a  fashion,  then  they  that  knew  not  how  to  put  themselues  O.xss 
2190  into  it:  For  mine  own  part,  so  I  please  mine  owne  appetite,  I  am 
carelesse  what  the  fustie  World  speakes  of  me,  puh. 
Fung.  Do  you  marke  how  it  hangs  at  the  knee  there? 
Tail.  I  warrant  you  sir. 

Eung.  For  Gods  sake  do,  note  all:  do  you  see  the  Coller  sir?  u:      o'^s 
2ig5      Tail.  Feare  nothing,  it  shall  not  differ  in  a  stitch  sir.  , 

Pun.  Pray  God  it  do  not:  you'le  make  these  linings  serue?  and 
helpe  me  for  a  chapman  for  the  outside,  will  you? 
Tail.  Fie  do  my  best  sir:  you'le  put  it  off  presently? 

Fung.  I 


[64]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Fung.  I,  go  with  me  to  my  chamber  you  shall  haue  it,  but  make 
2200  hast  of  it,  for  the  loue  of  Christ,  for  Tie  sit  i'my  old  sute,  or  else  lie 
a  bed  and  read  the  Arcadia,  till  you  haue  done. 

Exit  with  Tailor.  Enter  Car. 

Caol.  O,  if  euer  you  were  strucke  with  a  iest,  Gallants,  now,  2080 
now.  /  do  vsher  the  most  strange  peece  of  Military  Profession, 
22o5  that  euer  was  discouer'd  in  Insula  Paulina. 
Fast.  Where?  where? 
Punt.  What  is  he  for  a  Creature? 

Carl.  A  Pimpe,  a  Pimpe,  that  /  haue  obseru'd  yonder,  the  ra 
rest  Superficies  of  a  humor:  he  comes  euery  morning  to  emptie 
2210  his  lungs  in  Pauls  here,  and  offers  vp  some  fiue  or  six  Hecatomb's 
of  faces  and  sighes,  and  away  againe.  Here  he  comes;  nay  walke, 
walke,  bee  not  scene  to  note  him,  and  wee  shall  haue  excellent 
sport.  Enter  Shift.  Act. III. Sc 

Walkes  by,  and  vses  action  to  his  Rapier. 

22i5      Punt.  S'lid  he  vented  a  sigh  e'ne  now,  I  thought  he  would  haue 
blowne  vp  the  church. 

Carl.  O  you  shall  haue  him  giue*  a  number  of  those  false  fires 
ere  he  depart. 

Fast.   See  now  he  is  expostulating  with  his  Rapier,  Looke, 
2220  Looke. 

Carl.  Did  you  euer  in  your  dayes  obserue  better  passion  ouer 
a  hilt? 

Punt.  Except  it  were  in  the  person  of  a  Cutlers  boy,  or  that 
the  fellow  were  nothing  but  Vapour,  I  should  thinke  it  impos- 
2225  sible. 

Car.  See,  againe,  hee  claps  his  sword  o'the  head,  as  who  should 
say,  Well,  go  to. 

Fast.  O  violence,  I  wonder  the  blade  can  containe  it  selfe,  be 
ing  so  prouokt. 
223o      Carl.     With  that,  the  moody  Squire  thumpt  his  brest, 

A  nd  rear'd  his  eyen  to  heauen  for  Reuenge. 

Sog.  Troth,  and    you  be  Gentlemen,  Lets   make'hem   friends, 
and  take  vp  the  matter  betweene  his  Rapier  and  he. 
Carl.   Nay,  if  you  intend  that,  you  must  lay  downe  the  mat 
ter, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [65] 

2035  ter,  for  this  Rapier  (it  seemes)  is  in  the  nature  of  a  Hanger  on, 
and  the  good  Gentleman  would  happily  bee  rid  of  him. 
Fast.  By  my  fayth  and'tis  to  bee  suspected,  Tie  aske  him.  2111 

Mac.  O  here's  rich  stufFe,  for  Christ  sake,  let  vs  goe, 
A  man  would  wish  himselfe  a  sencelesse  pillar, 
2240  Rather  than  view  these  monstrous  prodigies: 
Nil  habet  infodix  Paupertas  durius  in  se, 

Quam  quod  Ridicules  homines  facit.  Exit,  with  Deliro. 

Fast.  Signior. 
Shift.  At  your  seruice. 
2245      Fast.  Will  you  sell  your  Rapier? 

Carl.  S'bloud  he   is  turn'd  wild    vpon   the   question,  he  looks 
as  hee  had  seene  a  Serjeant. 
Shift.  Sell  my  Rapier?  now  God  blesse  me. 
Punt.  Amen. 

225o      Shift.  You  askt  mee,  if  I  would  sell  my  Rapier  Sir? 
Fast.  I  did  indeede. 
Shift.  Now  Lord  haue  mercie  vpon  me. 
Punt.  Amen,  I  say  still. 

Shift.   S'lud  Sir,    what  should  you  behold  in  my  face  Sir,  that 
2255  should  mooue  you   (as  they  say  Sir)  to  aske  me  Sir,  if  I  would 
sell  my  Rapier? 

Fast.  Nay  (let  me  pray  you   Sir)  be  not  moou'd:  I  protest  I  2180 
would   rather  haue  beene  silent,  then  any  way  offensiue,  had  I 
knowne  your  nature. 

2260  Shift.  Sell  my  Rapier?  Gods  lid:  Nay  Sir  (for  mine  own  part) 
as  I  am  a  man  that  has  seru'd  in  causes,  or  so,  so  I  am  not  apt  to 
iniurie  any  Gentleman  in  the  degree  of  falling  foule,  but:  sell 
my  Rapier?  I  wil  tel  you  Sir,  I  haue  seru'd  with  this  foolish  Ra 
pier,  where  some  of  vs  dare  not  appeare  in  hast,  I  name  no  ma: 
2265  but  let  that  passe;  Sell  my  Rapier?  Death  to  my  Lungs.  This 
Rapier  Sir,  has  trauel'd  by  my  side  Sir,  the  best  part  of  France 
and  the  low  Countrey:  I  haue  seene  Vlishing,  Brill,  and  the 
Haghe  with  this  Rapier,  in  my  Lord  of  Leysters  time:  and  (by 
Gods  wil)  he  that  should  offer  to  disrapier  me  now,  I  would  — 
2270  Looke  y  ou  sir,  you  presume  to  be  a  Gentleman  of  good  sort, 

I  and 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[66]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [LINGERS 

and  so  likewise  your  friends  here,  If  you  haue  any  dispositio  to 
trauel,  for  the  sight  of  seruice,  or  so,  One,  two,  or  al  of  you,  I  can 
lend  you  letters  to  diuers  Officers  and  Commaunders  in  the 
Low  Countries,  that  shal  for  my  cause  do  you  al  the  good  of- 
2275  fices  that  shall  pertaine  or  belong  to  Gentlemen  of  your  — 
Please  you  to  shewe  the  Bountie  of  your  mind  Sir,  to  impart 
some  ten  groats  or  halfe  a  Crown  to  our  vse,  til  our  abilitie  be 
of  grow'th  to  returne  it,  and  wee  shall  thinke  our  selfe.  — 
Sbloud  sell  my  Rapier? 
2280  Sog.  I  pray  you  what  sayd  he  Signior?  hee's  a  proper  man.  2i5o 

Fast.  Marie  he  tels  me,  if  I  please  to  shew  the  bountie  of  my 
mind,  to  impart  some  ten  groates  to  his  vse  or  so. 
Punt.  Breake  his  head,  and  giue  it  him. 

Carl.  I  thought  he  had  bin  playing  on  the  lewes  Trump  I. 
2285      Shift.   My   Rapier?  no   sir:   my  Rapier  is  my   Guard,  my   De 
fence,  my  Reuenew,  my  Honor:   (if  you  cannot  impart,    be   se 
cret  I  beseech  you)  &  I  wil  maintain  it,  where  there  is  a  grain 
of  dust,  or  a  drop  of  water:  (hard  is  the  choise  when  the  valiant 
must  eat  their  Armes  or  clem:)  Sel    my   Rapier?  no    my  Deare, 
2290  I  will  not  be   deuorc't  from   thee  yet,    I   haue  euer  found  thee 
true  as  steele:  &  (you  cannot  impart  sir)   God   saue   you   Gen 
tlemen:  (neuerthelesse  if  you  haue  a  fancie  to  it  sir.) 
Fast.  Pr'y  thee  away:  is  Signior  Deliro  departed? 
Carl.  Ha'you  seene  a  Pimpe  out-face  his   own  wants  better? 
22g5      Sog.   I   commend  him  that  can   dissemble  them   so    well. 

Punt.  True,  and  hauing  no  better  a   cloak  then  he  has  for  it  2i65 
neither.  (Gentlemen. 

Fast.  Gods   precious,   what  mischieuous   lucke  is  this?  adiew 
Punt.  Whither?  in  such  haste,  Monsieur  Fastidiusl 
23oo      Fast.  After  my  Marchant,  Signior  Deliro  sir. 

Carl.   O   hinder  him  not,  he  may  hap    lose  his  Tyde,  a  good 
Flounder  i'faith.  Exit. 

Or  en.  Hark  you  Sig.  Whiffc,  a  word  with  you.  (  Oren.  &  Cloue 
Carl.  How?  Signior  Whiff  el  \  call  Shift  aside. 

23o5      Oren.  What    was   the   difference    betweene    that   young  Gal 
lant  that's  gone,  and  you  sir? 

Shift. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [67] 

Shift.    No   difference:   he  would  h'a  giu'n  me   fiue  pound  for 

my  Rapier,  and  I  refus'd  it;  that's  all.  (some  termes. 

Clou.  O,  was   it  no  otherwise?  we  thought  you  had  ben  vpon 

23io      Shift.  No  other  than  you  saw  sir.  (Clou. 

Clou.  Adiew  good  Master  Apple  lohn.  Exeut  Or  en.  & 

Carl.  How?  Whiffe,  and  Apple  lohn  too?  Hart,  what'll  you  say 

if  this  be  the  Appendix  or  Labell   to   both  yond'Indentures? 

Punt.  It  may  be.  Car.  Resolue  vs  of  it  lanus,  thou  that  lookst 

23i5  euery  way;   or  thou  Hercules,  that  hast  trauail'd  all  Countries. 

Punt.   Nay  Carlo,  spend  not  time  in  Inuocatio  now;   'tis   late. 

Car.   Signior,  here's   a   Gentlema   desirous   of  your  name   sir. 

Shift.    My  name  is   Caualier  Shift:   I   am    knowne   sufficiently 

in  this  walke  sir. 

232O      Car.  Shift!  I  heard  your  name  varied  e'ene  now,  as  I  take  it. 
Shift.  True   sir,   it  pleases  the  world   (as   I   am  her  excellent 
Tobacconist]  to  giue  me  the  style  of  Signior   Whiffe:    as   I   am   a 
poore  Esquire   about  the  towne  here,  they  cal  me  Master  Ap 
ple  lohn,  varietie  of  good  names  does  well  sir. 

2325      Carl.  I,  and  good  parts,  to    make  those  good  names:   out  of 
which  I  imagine  yond'  Billes  to  bee  yours. 

Shift.   Sir,  if  I  should  denie  the  Scriptures,  I  were  worthy  to 
bee  banisht  the  middle  yle  for  euer. 

Carl.  I  take  your  word  sir:  this  gentleman  has  subscrib'd  to 
233o  'he,  &  is  most  desirous  to  become  your  Pupil;  mary  you  must 
vse  expedition:  Signor  Insulso  Sogliardo,  this  is  the  Professor. 

Sog.  In  good  time  sir,  nay  good  sir  house  your  head,  do  you 
professe  these  sleights  in  Tabacco? 

Shift.  I  doe  more  then  professe  sir,   &  (if  you  please  to  be  a 
2335  practitioner)    I    will    vndertake    in    one   fortnight  to   bring  you, 
that  you    shall  take   it  plausibly  in  any  Ordinarie,    Theatre,    or 
the  Tilt-yard  if  neede  bee;  the  most  popular  assembly  that  is. 
Punt.  But  you  cannot  bring  him  to  the  Whiffe  so  soone? 
Shift.  Yes  as  soone  sir:  he  shall  receiue  the  I,  2,  &  3.  Whiffe, 
2340  if  it  please  him,   &  (vpon  the  receit)  take  his  horse,    drinke  his 
three  cups  of  Canarie,  and  expose  one  at  Hounslow,  a  second 
at  Stanes,  and  a  third  at  Bagshot. 

I    2  Carl.  Baw- 


[68]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Carl.  Baw-waw.  (Countenance. 

Sog.  You  wil  not  seruc  me  sir,  wil  you?  Tie  giue  you  more  tha  22/5 
2345      Skiff.  Pardon  mee  Sir,  I  do  scorne  to  serue  any  man. 

Carl.  Who?  he  serue?  S'bloud  hee  keepes  High  men,  &  Low 
men,  he?  hee  has  a  fayre  liuing  at  Fullam. 

Shift.  But  in  the  nature   of  a  fellow,    I'le  bee   your   follower 
if  you  please. 

235o      Sog.  Sir,  you  shall  stay  and  dine  with  me,  &  if  we  can  agree, 
wee'le  not  part  in  haste:   I  am  very  bountiful  to  me  of  quality. 
Where  shall  wee  goe  Signior? 
Punt.  Your  Mitre  is  your  best  house. 

Shift.  I  can  make  this  dog  take  as  many  whiffes  as  I  list,  and 
2355  hee  shall  retaine,  or  refume  them  at  my  pleasure. 
Punt.  By  your  patience,  follow  mee  fellowes. 
Sog.  Sir  Puntaruolo. 

Punt.  Pardon  me,  my  dog  shal  not  eate   in   his  company  for  2230 
a  Million.  Exit  Punt,  with  his  fellowes. 

236o      Carl.  Nay  be  not  you  amaz'd,  Signior   Whiffe,   what  e're  that 
stiff-neckt  Gentleman  sayes. 

Sog.  No,  for  you  do  not  know  the  Humor  of  the  Dog,  as  we 
do:  where  shal  we  dine  Carlo!  I  would  faine  goe  to  one  of  these 
Ordinaries,  now  I  am  a  Gentleman. 
2365      Carl.  So  you  may,  were  you  neuer  at  none  yet? 

Sog.  No  fayth,   but  they  say,  there  resorts  your  most  choyse 
Gallants. 

Car.  True,  and  the  fashion  is,  when  any  stranger  comes  in 
amongst  'hem,  they  all  stand  vp  and  stare  at  him,  as  hee  were 
2370  some  vnknowne  beast  brought  out  of  Affricke,  but  that'll  be 
helpt  with  a  good  aduenturous  face;  you  must  bee  impudent 
enough,  sit  downe,  and  vse  no  respect:  when  any  thing's  pro 
pounded  aboue  your  capacitie,  smile  at  it,  make  two  or  three 
faces,  and  'tis  excellent,  they'le  thinke  you  haue  trauel'd: 
2370  though  you  argue  a  whole  day  in  silence  thus,  and  discourse  in 
nothing  but  laughter,  'twill  passe.  Onely  (now  and  then)  giue 
fire,  discharge  a  good  full  Oth,  and  offer  a  great  Wager,  'twill 
be  admirable. 

Sog.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [69] 

Sog.  I   warrat  you,  I  am  resolute,,  come  good  Signior,   theres  2248 
238o  a  poore  French  crowne  for  your  Ordinarie. 

Shift.  It  comes  wel,   for  I  had  not  so  much  as  the  least  Port- 
cullice  of  coyne  before.  Exeunt. 

G  R  EX. 

Mit.   I  trauell   with  another   obiection   Signior,   which   I   feare 
2385  wil  be  enforc'd  against  the  Author,   ere  I  ca  be  deliuer'd  of  it. 
Cord.  What's  that  sir? 

Mit.  That  the  argument  of  his  Comedie  might  haue  bin  of 
some  other  nature,  as  of  a  Duke  to  bee  in  loue  with  a  Coun- 
tesse,  and  that  Countesse  to  be  in  loue  with  the  Dukes  sonne, 
23go  and  the  sonne  to  loue  the  Ladies  wayting-maide:  some  such 
crosse  wooing,  with  a  Clowne  to  their  seruing-man,  better 
than  to  bee  thus  neere  and  familiarly  allied  to  the  time. 

Cord.  You  say  wel,  but  I  would  faine  heare  one  of  these  Au- 
tumne-iudgemets    define    once,    Quidsit   Comxdia!   if   he    canot, 
23g5  let  him   content    himselfe    with   Ciceros    definition   (till  hee  haue 
strength  to  propose  to  himself  a  better)  who  would  haue  a  Co 
medie  to   be  Imitatio  vita,   Speculum   Consuetudinis,   Imago  veri- 
tatis,    a    thing    throughout   pleasant   &   ridiculous,    &   accommo 
dated  to  the  correction  of  maners:    if  the   maker    haue  fail'd  in 
2400  any   particle    of  this,   they  may   worthily  taxe   him,  but   if  not, 
why;  be  you  (that  are  for  them)  silent,  as  I  will  be  for  him;  and 
giue  way  to  the  Actors. 

SCENA    SECVNDA.  ActJILSc.1?. 

Enter  Sordido  with  a  halter  about  his  necke. 

2405  Sord.  Nay  Gods  precious,  if  the  weather  and  the  season  be 
so  respectlessc,  that  Beggers  shall  liue  as  well  as  their  betters; 
and  that  my  hunger  and  thirst  for  riches,  shall  not  make  them 
hunger  and  thirst  with  Pouertie;  that  my  sleeps  shall  be  bro 
ken,  and  their  hearts  not  broken;  that  my  coffers  shal  be  full, 

2410  and  yet  care;  theirs  emptie,  and  yet  merrie:  Tis  time  that  a 
Crosse  should  beare  flesh  and  bloud,  since  flesh  and  bloud 
cannot  beare  this  crosse. 

I    3  GREX. 


[70]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

GRE  x. 

Mil.  'What  will  hee  hang  himselfe?  2280 

24i5      Cor. \Faith    I,    it    seemes    his    Prognostication    has    not   kept 

itouch  \vithhim,  and  that  makes  him  despaire. 
Aftf.  .^Beshrow  me,  he  wil  be  out  of  his  Humor  then  indeed. 
Sord.  Tut,  these  star-monger   knaues,  who  would  trust  'hem? 
one  saies,  darke  and  rainy,  when  'tis  as  cleere  as  Christall;  ano- 
2420  ther  saies,  tempestuous  blasts  and  stormes,  and  'twas  as  calme 
as  a  Milk-bowle;   here  be  sweet  rascals  for  a  man  to  credit  Jiis 
whole   fortunes  with:    You    skie-staring   Cockscombs    you:    you 
fat  braines,   out   vpon  you;   you    are    good   for  nothing    but  to 
sweate    night-caps,    and    make   rug-gownes    deare:   you   learned 
2425  men,  &  haue  not  a  legion  of  deuils,  a  vostre  seruice:  a  vostre  ser- 
uice?  By  heauen  I  think  I  shall  die  a  better  scholler  then  they: 
but  soft,  how  now  sirrah?  Enter  a  Hind  with  a  letter. 

Hind.  Here's  a  letter  come  from  your  sonne  sir. 
Sord.  From   my  sonne  sir?  what  would   my   sonne  sir?  some 
243o  good  newes  no  doubt.  The  letter. 

Sweet  &  deere  father  (desiring  you  first  to  send  me  your  blessing,  2295 

which  is  more  worth  to  me  tha  gold  or  siluer]  I  desire  you  likewise  to 

be  aduertised,  that  this  Shrouetide  (contrary  to  custome]  we  vse  al- 

waies  to  haue  Revels',  which  is  indeed  dancing,  &  makes  an  excelUt 

2^35  shew  in  truth;  especially  if  we  Gentlemen  be  well  attir'd,  which  our 

Seniors  note,  &  thinke  the  better  of  our  fathers,  the  better  wee  are 

maintained,  &  that  they  shal  know  if  they  come  vp,  &  haue  any  thing 

to  do  in  the  Law:  therfore  good  father,  these  are  (for  your  own  sake, 

as  wel  as  mine]  to  re-desire  you,  that  you  let  me  not  wat  that  which 

2440  is  fit  for  the  setting  vp  of  our  name  in  the  honorable  volume  of  Ge~ti- 

244oi">/f(y, that  I  may  say  to  our  Columnators  with  Tullie,  EGO    SVM 

ORTVS    DOMVS    MEAE,     TV    OCCASSVS    TVAE. 

And  thus  (not  doubting  of  your  fatherly  Beneuolence]  I  humbly  ask 

you  blessing,  and  pray  God  to  blesse  you.  Yours,  if  his  owne. 

How's  this?  Yours,  if  his  own?  is  he  not  my  sonne,  except  he  be 

2445  his  own  sonne?  Belike  this  is  some  new  kinde   of  subscription 

the    Gallants    vse.    Well,    wherefore    doest    thou    stay    knaue? 

Away:  goe.  Exit  Hind. 

Here's 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [71] 

Here's  a  letter   indeed;    Reuels?  &  beneuolence?  is  this  a  wea 

ther  to  send  beneuolence?  or  is  this  a  season  to  reuell  in?  S'lid  23l5 

2460  the  deuill  and  all  takes   part  to  vexe  mee   I   thinke:   this   letter 

would  neuer   haue  come  now  else,   now,  now,  when  the   sunne 

shines,   and  the   ayre   thus   cleere.   Soule   if  this  hold,  wee  shall 

shortly  haue  an  excellent  crop   of  corne  spring  out  of  the  high 

waies,  the  streets  and  houses  of  the  towne  will  be  hid  with  the 

2455  ranknesse  of  the  fruits  that  grow  there,  in  spight  of  good  Hus 

bandry.  Go  to,  He  preuent  the  sight  of  it,  come  as  quickly  as  it 

can,   I  wil  preuent  the  sight  of  it.  I  haue  this  remedie  Heauen: 

stay  ;  He  trie  the  paine  thus  a  little:  O,  nothing,  nothing.  Wei, 

now   shall  my  sonne  gaine   a  beneuolence  by  my  death?  or  any 

2460  body  be  the  better  for  my  gold,  or  so  forth?  No.  Aliue  I  kept  it 

from  'hem,   and   (dead)  my  ghost  shal  walke  about  it,   and  pre- 

serue  it,  my  sonne  and  daughter  shall  sterue  ere  they  touch  it, 

I  haue  hid  it  as  deepe  as  Hell  from   the  sight  of  Heauen,   and 

to  it  I  goe  now.  Fals  off. 

2465  Enter  Rustici,  5.  or  6.  one  after  another.  Act.III.Sc. 

Rust,  i  Aye  me,  what  pitifull  sight  is  this?  helpe,  helpe,  help. 

Rust.  2  How  now?  what's  the  matter? 

Rust.    I   O   here's    a    man   has   hang'd   himselfe,   helpe  to    get 
him  againe. 

2470      Rust.  2  Hang'd  himselfe?  Slid   carry  him  afore  a  Justice,   'tis 
chance  medley  on  my  word. 
Rust.  3  How  now,  what's  here  to  doe? 
Rust.  4.  How  comes  this? 

Rust.  2  One  has  executed  himselfe   contrary  to   the  order  of 
2475  Law,  and  by  my  consent  hee  shall  answer't. 

Rust.  5  Would  he  were  in  case  to  answere  it. 
Rust,  i  Stand  by,  he  recouers,  giue  him  breath. 
Sord.  Oh. 

Rust.  5  Masse,  'twas  well  you  went  the  foote-way  neighbor. 
2480      Rust,  i  I,  and  I  had  not  cut  the  halter.  (done. 

Sord.  How?  cut  the  halter?  Aye  mee,  I  am  vndone,  I  am  vn-  2848 


Rust.  2  Mary  if  you   had   not  beene  vndone,   you  had   beene 
hang'd  I  can  tell  you. 

Sord.  You 


[72]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2485      Sard.  You   thredbare  hors-bread  eating  rascals,  if  you  would  2848 
needs  haue  beene  medling,  could  you   not  haue  vntied   it,  but 
you  must  cut  it?  and  in  the  midst  too?  Aye  mee. 

Rust.  I  Out  on  mee,  'tis  the  Caterpiller  Sordido;  how  cursed 
are  the  poore,  that  the  viper  was  blest  with  this  good  fortune? 
2490      Rust.  2  Nay,  how  accurst  art  thou,  that  art  cause  to  the  curse 
of  the  poore? 

Rust.  3  I,  and  to  saue  so  wretched  a  Caytife. 
Rust.  4.  Curst  bee  thy  fingers  that  loos'd  him. 
Rust.  2  Some  desperate  furie  possesse  thee,  that  thou  maiest 
2495  hang  thy  selfe  too.  (monster. 

Rust.  5  Neuer  maiest  thou  bee  sau'd,  that  sau'd  so  damn'd  a 
Sord.   What  curses  breathe  these  men,   how  haue  my  deeds  236o 
Made  my  lookes  differ  from  another  mans, 
That  they  should  thus  detest,  and  lothe  my  life? 
25oo  Out  on  my  wretched  Humor,  it  is  that 

Makes  mee  thus  monstrous  in  true  humane  eyes. 
Pardon  me  (gentle  friends)  I'le  make  faire  mends 
For  my  foule  errours  past,  and  twentie-fold 
Restore  to  all  men,  what  with  wrong  I  rob'd  them: 
25o5  My  Barnes  and  Garners  shall  stand  open  still 
To  all  the  poore  that  come,  and  my  best  graine 
Be  made  alms-bread,  to  feed  halfe-famisht  mouthes. 
Though  hitherto  amongst  you  I  haue  liu'd 
Like  an  vnsauorie  Muck-hill  to  my  selfe, 
25io  Yet  now  my  gather'd  heapes  being  spread  abroad, 
Shall  turne  to  better,  and  more  fruitfull  vses. 
Blesse  then  this  man,  curse  him  no  more  for  sauing 
My  life  and  soule  together.  Oh  how  deepely 
The  bitter  curses  of  the  poore  doe  piercel 
25i5  I  am  by  wonder  chang'd,  come  in  with  mee 
And  witnesse  my  repentance:  now  I  proue 

,,  No  life  is  blest,  that  is  not  grac't  with  Loue.  Exit. 

Rust.  2  O  miracle!  see  when  a  man  has  grace. 
Rust.   3   Had't  not  beene   pitie   so   good   a  man   should   haue 
2620  beene  cast  away? 

Rust.  2  Well 


QUARTO]  Euerj  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [78] 

Rust.  2  Well,   Tie  get   our  Clarke   put  his   conuersion  in  the  2884 
Chronicle. 

Rust.  4  Doe,  for  I  warrant  him  hee's  a  vertuous  man. 

Rust.  O  God  how  he  wept  if  you  mark't  it:  did  you  see  how 
2525  the  teares  trill'd? 

Rust.  5   Yes   beleeue   mee;    like    masters    Vicars   bowles   vpon 
the  greene,  for  all  the  world. 

3    or    4.    O   neighbour,    God's    blessing    your    heart    neighbor, 
'twas  a  good  gratefull  deede.  Exeunt. 

253o  GREX. 

Cord.  How  now  Mitisl  what's  that  you  consider  so  seriously?  2894 
Mit.  Troth,  that  which  doth  essentially  please   me:   the  war 
ping    condition    of   this    greene    and    soggie    multitude:    but    in 
good    fayth    Signior,   your    Author    hath    largely    ouer-slipt    my 
2535  expectation  in  this  Scene,  I  will  liberally   confesse   it.   For  whe 
I  saw  Sordido  so   desperately  intended,   I  thought  I  had  had  a 
hand  of  him  then.  (indeede? 

Cord.   What?  you   suppos'd  hee    should  haue  hung  himselfe 
Mit.   I    did;    and   had  fram'd  my  obiection  to  it  readie,  which 
2540  may  yet  be  very  fitly  vrg'd,  &  with  some  necessity:  for  though 
his  purpos'd  violence    lost    th'effect,    &  extended   not  to   death, 
yet   the   Intent   and   Horror   of  the   object,   was   more   then   the 
nature  of  a  Comedie  will  in  any  sort  allow. 

Cord.  I  ?  what  thinke  you  of  Plautus,  in  his  Comedie  called 
2545  Cistellaria  there?  where  hee  brings  in  Alcesimarchus  with  a 
drawne  sword,  readie  to  kill  himselfe,  and  as  he  is  e'ne  fixing 
his  breast  vpon  it,  to  be  restrain'd  from  his  resolu'd  out-rage 
by  Sileninm  and  the  Bawd:  is  not  his  authoritie  of  power  to 
giue  our  Scene  approbation? 

255o  Mit.  Sir,  I  haue  this  (your  only)  euasion  left  mee,  to  say,  I 
thinke  it  bee  so  indeede,  your  memorie  is  happier  than  mine:  but  I 
wonder  what  engine  hee  wil  vse  to  bring  the  rest  out  of  their 
Humors. 

Cord.   That  will   appeare    anon,   neuer    preoccupie  your  ima- 
2555  gination    withall.    Let    your    mind    keepe     companie    with    the 

K  Scene 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[74 1  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Scene  stil,  which  now  remoues   it  selfe  from  the  Countrey  to 

the    Court.    Here    comes   Macilente   and    Signior   Briske  freshly 

suted,  loose  not  your  selfe,  for  now  the  Epitasis  or  busie  part  of 

our  Subject  is  in  Action. 
256o  SCENA   TERTIA. 

Enter  Macilente,  Briske,  Cincdo,  with  Tabacco. 
Vast.   Well  now  Signior  Macilente,   you    are    not    onely    wel-  Act. III. Sc. 

come  to  the  Court,  but  also  to  my  mistris  with  drawing  cha- 

ber:  Boy,  get  me  some  Tabacco,  He  but  goe  in,  and  shew  I  am 
2565  here,  and  come  to  you  presently  sir.  Exit. 

Mac.  What's  that  hee  sayd?  by  heauen   I    markt  him  not, 

My  thoughts  and  I  were  of  another  world; 

I  was  admiring  mine  owne  ontside  here, 

To  thiiike  what  priuiledge  and  palme  it  beares 
2570  Here  in  the  court:  Be  a  man  ne're  so  vile 

In  wit,  in  judgement,  in  manners,  or  what  else; 

If  hee  can  purchase  but  a  Silken  couer, 

He  shall  not  onely  passe,  but  passe  regarded: 

Whereas  let  him  be  poore  and  meanely  clad, 
25?5  Though  ne're  so  richly  parted;  you  shall  haue 

A  fellow  (that  knowes  nothing  but  his  Beefe  2488 

Or  how  to  rince  his  clammie  guts  in  beere) 

Will  take  him  by  the  shoulders  or  the  throate, 

And  kicke  him  downe  the  staires.  Such  is  the  state 
258o  Of  vertue  in  bad  cloths,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha, 

That  Rayment  should  be  in  such  high  request? 

How  long  shoud  I  be  e're  I  should  put  off 

To  my  Lord  Chancelors  tombe,  or  the  Shriues  posts? 

By  heauen  (I  thinke)  a  thousand  thousand  yeere. 
2585  His  Grauitie,  his  wisedome,  and  his  fayth, 

To  my  dread  Soueraigne  (graces  that  suruiue  him) 

These  I  could  well  endure  to  reuerence, 

But'not  his  tombe,  no  more  than  He  commend 

The  Chappell  Organ  for  the  guilt  without, 
25cp  Or  this  base  Violl  for  the  varnisht  face.  Enter  Fast. 

Fast.  In  faith  I  haue  made  you  stay  somewhat  long  sir;  but  is 

my 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [78] 

my  Tobacco  ready  boy? 
Cine.  I  sir. 

Fast.  Giue  me,  my  mistresse  is  vpon  comming,  you  shall  see  2^53 
25g5  her  presently  sir,  (Tab.)  you'le  say  you  neuer  accosted  a  more 
piercing  wit.  This  Tobacco  is  not  dried  Boy,  or  else  the  Pipe's 
defectiue.  Oh,  your  wits  of  Italy  are  nothing  comparable  to 
her,  her  braine's  a  very  quiuer  of  iests,  and  she  do's  dart  them 
abroad  with  that  sweete  loose  and  judiciall  aime,  that  you 

2600  would here  she  comes  sir. 

Enter  Sauiolina,  and  goes  in  againe. 
Mac.  'Twas  time,  his  inuention  had  beene  bogd  else. 
Saui.  Giue  mee  my  fanne  there. 
Mac.  How  now  Monsieur  Brisked 

26o5  Fast.  A  kind  of  affectionate  reuerence  strikes  me  with  a  cold 
shiuering  (me  thinkes) 

Mac.  I  like  such  tempers  well,  as  stand  before  their  Mis 
tresses  with  feare  and  trembling,  and  before  their  Maker  like 
impudent  mountaines. 

2610      Fast.   By  lesu,  I'ld  spend  twentie  pound  my  vauting   Horse 
stood  here  now,  she  might  see  me  doe  but  one  tricke. 
Mac.  Why,  do's  she  loue  actiuitie?  2468 

Cine.  Or  if  you  had  but  your  long  stockings  on,  to  be  dan 
cing  a  Galliard,  as  she  comes  by. 

26i5  Fast.  I  either.  O  these  stirring  humors  make  Ladies  madde 
with  desire:  she  comes.  My  good  Genius  embolden  me.  Boy 
the  Pipe  quickly.  "Enter  Sauiolina. 

Mac.  What?  will  he  giue  her  musicke? 
Fast.  A  second  good  morrow  to  my  faire  mistresse. 
2620      Saui.  Faire  seruant,  He  thanke  you    a   day   hence,   when  the 
date  of  your  salutation  comes  forth. 

Fast.  How  like  you  that  answere?  is't  not  admirable?  (sir. 

Mac.  I  were  a  simple  Courtier,  if  I  could  not  admire  trifles. 
Fast.  Troth  sweet  Lady,  I  shal  (Tab.)  be  prepar'd  to  giue  you 
2626  thanks   for   those   thanks,   and   (Tab.)   study  more   officious    and 
obsequious  regards  (Tab.)   to  your   faire   beauties:   (Tab.)   mend 
the  pipe  boy. 

K      2  Mac.  I 


[76]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Mac.   I   ne're   knew   Tabacco  taken   as   a  parenthesis  before.       2482 
Fast.  Fore  God   (sweet   Ladie)   beleeue   it,  I  doe  honour  the 
263o  meanest  rush  in  this  chamber  for  your  loue. 

Saui.  I,  you  need  not  tell  me  that  sir,  I  do  think  you  do  prize 
a  rush  before  my  loue. 

Mac.  Is  this  the  wonder  of  nations? 

Fast.  O,  by  lesu  pardon  me,  I  said  for  your  loue,  by  this  light; 
2635  but  it  is  the  accustomed  sharpnesse  of  your  Ingenuitie  sweete 

Mistresse  to Masse  your  Violl's  new   strung   me   thinkes. 

Takes  downe  the  Violl. 

Mac.  Ingenuitie\   I   see    his    ignorance  will  not   suffer  him  to 
slander  her;  which  hee  had  done  most  notably,   if  he  had  sayd 
2640  Wit  for  Ingenuitie,  as  he  meant  it. 

Fast.  By  the  soule  of  Musicke  Ladie  (hum,  hum) 
Saui.  Would  wee  might  heare  it  once. 

Fast.  I   doe  more  adore  and  admire  your  (hum,  hum)  predo 
minate  perfections,    than  (hum,  hum)   euer    I  shall   haue    power 
2645  and  facultie  to  expresse  (hum.) 

Saui.  Vpon  the  Violl  de  Gambo  you  meane? 

Fast.  It's  miserably  out  of  tune,  by  this  hand.  25oo 

Saui.  Nay,  rather  by  the  fingers. 
Mac.  It  makes  good  Harmonic  with  her  wit. 
265o      Fast.  Sweete  Ladie  tune  it.  Boy,  some  Tabacco. 

Mac.  Tabacco  againe?  he  do's  court  his  mistresse  with   very 
exceeding  good  changes. 

Fast.  Signior  Macilente,  you  take  none  sir?  (Tab.) 
Mac.   No,   vnlesse   I  had   a  mistresse  Signior,   it  were  a  great 
2655  Indecorum  for  mee  to  take  Tabacco. 
Fast.  How  like  you  her  wit?  (Tab.) 
Mac.  Her  Ingenuitie  is  excellent  sir. 

Fast.  You  see  the  subject  of  her  sweete  fingers  there?  (Tab.) 
Oh  shee  tickles  it  so,  that  (Tab.)  shee  makes  it  laugh  most 
2660  Diuinely,  (Tab.)  He  tell  you  a  good  jest  now,  and  your  selfe 
shall  say  i'ts  a  good  one:  I  haue  wisht  my  selfe  to  be  that  In 
strument  (I  thinke)  a  thousand  times,  and  not  so  few,  by  Hea- 
uens  (Tab.) 

Mad.  Not 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [77] 

Mad.   Not  vnlike  sir:  but  how?  to   be  cas'd  vp  and  hung  by  2816 
2665  on  the  wall? 

Fast.  O,  no  sir,  to  bee  in  vse  I   assure  you;  as  your  judicious 
eyes  may  testifie.  (Tab.} 
Saui.  Here  seruant,  if  you  will  play,  come. 

Fast.    Instantly,    sweete    Ladie    (Tab.}    In    good    fayth    here's 
2670  most  Diuine  Tabacco. 

Saui.  Nay,  I  cannot  stay,  to  Daunce  after  your  Pipe. 
Fast.    Good,   my  deere  Ladie  stay:   by  this   sweete   Smoke,    I 
thinke  your  wit  bee  all  fire.  (Tab.} 

Mac.  And  hee's  the  Salamander  that  Hues  by  it. 

2675      Saui.    Is   your   Tabacco   perfum'd  sir,   that  you  sweare  by  the 
sweete  Smoke. 

Fast.    Still    more    excellent:   before     God,    and    these    bright 
Heauens,   I  thinke  (Tab.}  you  are  made   of  Ingenuitie,  I.  (Tab.) 

Mad.  True,  as  your  discourse  is:  O  abhominable!  253i 

2680       Fast.  Will  your  Ladiship  take  any? 

Saui.  O,  peace  I  pray  you;  I  loue  not  the  breath  of  a  Wood- 
Fast.  Meaning  my  head,  Ladie?  (cocks  head. 
Saui.  Not  altogether  so  sir;  but  (as  it  were  Fatal  to  their  fol 
lies,    that    thinke    to    grace    themselues    with    taking    Tabacco, 
2685  when    they    want    better    entertainement)     you    see    your    Pipe 
beares  the  true  forme  of  a  Woodcockes  head. 
O  Admirable  Similel 
Saui.  'Tis  best  leauing  you  in  Admiration,  sir. 

Exit  Sauiolina. 

2690  Mac.  Are  these  the  admired  Ladi-wits,  that  hauing  so  good 
a  Plaine-song,  can  run  no  better  Diuision  vpon  it.  S'heart, 
all  her  jests  are  of  the  stampe  March  was  fifteene  yeres  agoe. 
Is  this  the  Comet  Monsieur  Fastidius,  that  your  Gallants  won 
der  at  so? 

2og5       Fast.    Heart   of   a   Gentleman    to   neglect  mee   afore   presence  2846 
thus:   Sweet  Sir,   I  beseech  you  be  silent  in  my  disgrace;  By  le- 
su,  I  neuer  was  in  so  vile  a  Humor  in  my  life,  and  her  wit  was 
at  the  floud  too:   Report  it  not  for  a  million  good  sir;  let  me  be 
so  farre  endear'd  to  your  loue.  Exeunt. 

K3  GREX. 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2700  G  R  E  X. 

Mit.   What    followes    next,    Signior    Cordatus?   this    Gallants  255i 
Humor  is   almost   spent   me  thinks,   it   ebbes  apace,   with    this 
contrarie  breath  of  his  mistresse. 

Cord.  O,  but  it  will  flow  againe  for  all  this,  till  there  come  a 
2706  generall  drought  of  Humor  among  all  our  Actors,   and  then   I 
feare  not,  but  his  will  fall  as  low  as  any.  See  who  presents  him- 
selfe  here? 

Mit.  What,  i'the  old  case? 

Cord.  Ifaith,  which    makes   it    the  more    pitifull;    you    vnder- 
2710  stand  where  the  Scene  is? 

ACTVS          QVARTVS,          SCENA          P  R  I  M  A.    AcUVJSc 

"Enter  Fungoso,  Fallace  following  him. 
Fall.  Why  are  you  so  Melancholy  brother? 
Fun.  I  am  not  melancholy,  I  thanke  you  sister. 

27l5  Fall.  Why  are  you  not  merie  then?  there  are  but  two  of  vs 
in  the  world,  and  if  wee  should  not  bee  comforts  to  one  ano 
ther,  God  helpe  vs. 

Fun.  Faith,  I  cannot  tell  sister,  but  if  a  man  had  any  true  me 
lancholy   in   him,   it  would   make    him    melancholy,    to    see    his 
2720  yeomanly   father  cut  his  neighbours  throats  to  make  his   sonne 
a  Gentleman:  and  yet  when  hee   has  cut'hem,  he    will    see    his 
sonnes  throat  cut  too,  e're  he   make  him  a  true  Gentleman  in 
deed,  before  death  cut  is  own  throat.  I  must  be  the  first  Head 
of  our  house,  and  yet  hee  will  not  giue  me  the  head,  till  I  bee 
2725  made  so.  Is  any  man  term'd   a   Gentleman,  that  is   not  alwaies 
i'the  fashion?  I  would  know  but  that. 

Fall.  If  you  bee  melancholy  for  that,  brother,  I  think  I  haue 
as  much  cause  to  bee  melancholy,  as  one;  for  I'le  be  sworne  I 
Hue  as  little  in  the  fashio,  as  any  woman  in  London.  By  the  Bi- 
273o  ble  of  heauen  (beast  that  I  am  to  say  it)  I  haue  not  one  friend 
i'the  world  besides  my  husband.  When  saw  you  Master  Fasti- 
dius  Briske,  Brother? 

Fun.  But  a  while  since  sister,   I  thinke,  I  know  not  well  in 
truth.  By  Gods  lid   I  could  fight,  with  all  my  heart,  me  thinks. 

Fall.  Nay 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [79] 

2735      Fall.  Nay  good  Brother,  be  not  resolute. 

Fun.  I  sent  him  a  letter,  and  he  writes  me  no  answer  neither. 

Fall.  Oh  sweete  Fastidius  Briske,  O  fine  Courtier,  thou  art  he 

makst  me  sigh  &  say,    How  blessed  is  that  woman  that  hath  a 

Courtier  to  her  husband?  &  how   miserable   a  dame   she   is   that 

2740  hath  neither  husbad  nor  friend  in  the  Court?  O  sweet  Fastidius, 
O  fine  Courtier.  How  comely  hee  bowes  him  in  his  courtesie? 
how  ful  he  hits  a  woma  betwixt  the  lips  whe  he  kisses?  how  vp- 
right  he  sits  at  the  table?  how  daintily  he  carues?  how  sweet 
ly  he  talks,  and  tels  newes  of  this  Lord,  and  of  that  Lady?  how 

2745  cleanely  hee  wipes  his  spoone  at  euery  spoonfull  of  any  whit- 
meate  hee  eates,  and  what  a  neate  case  of  pick-toothes  he  car 
ries  about  him  still?  O  sweete  Fastidius,  O  fine  Courtier. 

Enter  Deliro  with  Musicians.  A  ct.  I V .  Sc.o. 

Deli.  See,  yonder  she  is  Gentleme,  now  (as  euer  you'le  beare 
275o  the  name  of  Musicians)  touch  your  instruments  sweetly,  she  has 
a  delicate  eare,  I  tell  you,  play  not  a  false  note  I  beseech  you. 
Music.  Feare  not,  Signior  Deliro. 

Deli.   O   begin,   begin   some   sprightly   thing;    Lord,,  howe    my 
imagination   labours  with  the   successe    of   it:    well   sayd,   good 
2755  yfaith,  heauen  graunt  it  please  her:  I'le  not  bee  scene,  for  then 
shee'le  be  sure  to  dislike  it. 

Fall.  Heyda,  this  is  excellent:  Tie  lay  my  life  this  is  my  hus 
bands   dotage.    I   thought    so,    nay    neuer    play    peeke-boe    with 
me,   I  know  you  doe  nothing  but  studie  how  to   anger   mee   sir. 
2760      Deli.  Anger  thee,   sweete  wife?  why,  didst  thou  not  send  for 
Musicians  to  supper  last  night  thy  selfe? 

Fall.  To  supper  Sir?  now  come  vp  to  supper  I  beseech  you: 

as    though    there    were    no    difference    betweene    Supper   time 

when  folks  should   be  merrie,   and   this  time,  when  they   would 

2765  be  Melancholy?  I  would   neuer  take  vpon    me    to  take    a  wife, 

if  I  had  no  more  Indgement  to  please  her. 

Deli.  Be  pleas'd  sweet  wife,   &  they  shal  ha'   done:   &  would 
to  Christ  my  life  were  done,  if  I  can  neuer  please  thee. 
Exit  Musitians.  Enter  Macilente. 

Mad.  God 


[8o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2770      Mad.  God  saue  you  Ladie;  where  is  Master  Deliro?  2618 

Deli.  Here,  Master   Madlente:   you'r   welcome   frS   the   Court 

Sir;    no    doubt    you   haue    beene  grac't  exceedingly    of   Master 

Brisks  Mistresse,  and  the  rest  of  the  Ladies  for  his  sake? 

Mac.   Alas,   the  poore   Phantasticke,   hee's  scarse  knowne 
2775  To  any  Lady  there:  and  those  that  know  him, 

Know  him  the  simplest  man  of  all  they  know: 

Deride,  and  play  vpon  his  amorous  Humors, 

Though  hee  but  Apishly  doth  imitate 

The  Gallans't  Courtiers,  kissing  Ladies  Pumps, 
2780  Holding  the  Cloth  for  them,  praysing  their  Wits, 

And  seruily  obseruing  euery  one, 

May  doe  them  pleasure:  Fearefull  to  bee  scene 

With  any  man  (though  hee  bee  ne're  so  worthy) 

That's  not  in  grace  with  some  that  are  the  greatest. 
2785  Thus  Courtiers  doe,  and  these  hee  counterfeits, 

But  sets  not  such  a  sightly  carriage 

Vpon  their  Vanities,  as  they  themselues; 

And  therefore  they  despise  him:  for  indeed 

Hee's  like  a  Zani  to  a  Tumbler, 
2790  That  tries  trickes  after  him,  to  make  men  laugh. 

Fall.  Here's    an   vnthankful   spitefull    wretch:   the  good   Gen-  2636 

tleman    vouchsaft    to    make    him    his    companion    (because    my 

husband   put    him   into   afew   Rags)   and   now  see  how  the  vn- 

rude  Rascall  back-bites  him. 

2795      Deli.  Is  he  no  more  grac't  amongst  'hem  then?  say  you? 
Mac.  Faith  like  a  pawne  at  Chesse,  fils  vp  a  roume,  that's  all. 
Fall.   O  monster  of  men!   can  the  Earth  beare  such   an  enui- 

ous  Caytiffe? 

Deli.   Well,  I   repent  me    I  e're   credited   him    so    much:    but 
2800  (now  I  see  what  he  is,  &  that  his  masking  vizor  is  off)   I'le  for- 

beare  him  no  longer,  al  his  lands  are  morgag'd  to  me,  and  for 
feited:  besides,  I  haue  bonds  of  his  in  my  hand  for  the  receit  of 

now  xx  pound,  now  xxx,  now  xxv:  still  as  he  has  had  a  Fanne 

but  wagg'd  at  him,  he  would  be  in  a  new  Sute.  Wei,  Fie  salute 
28o5  him  by  a  Sergeat,  the  next  time  I  see  him  yfaith,  I'le  Suit  him. 

Mad. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [81] 

Mac.  Why,  you  may  soone  see  Him  sir,  for  he  is  to  meet  Sig-  265o 
nior  Puntarvolo  at  a  Notaries  by  the  Exchange  presently,  where 
he  meanes  to  take  vp  vpon  returne. 

Fall.  Now  out  vpon  thee  ludas;  canst  thou  not  bee  content  to 
2810  backe-bite  thy  friend,  but  thou  wilt  betray  him?  wilt  thou  seeke 
the  vndoing  of  any  man?  and  of  such  a  man  too?  and  will  you 
sir  get  your  liuing  by  the  counsell  of  Traitors? 
Deli.  Deere  wife  haue  patience. 

Fall.  The  house  will  fall,  the  ground  will  open,  &  swallow  vs: 
28:5  He  not  bide  here  for  all  the  gold  and  siluer  in  Heauen.  Exit. 

Deli.  O  good  Macilente  let's   follow  and   appease   her,   or  the 
Peace  of  my  life  is  at  an  end.  Exit. 

Mad.   Now  Pease,  and  not  Peace  feede  that  life,  whose  head 
hangs  so  heauily  ouer  a  womans  Manger.  Exit. 

2820  Enter  Fallace  running,  at  another  doore,  and  claps  it  to. 

Fall.  Helpe  me,  brother:  Gods  body  and  you  come  here,  Fie  2664 
doe  my  selfe  a  mischiefe. 

Deli.  Nay,  heare  me  sweet  wife,  vnlesse  thou  wilt  haue  me  goe, 
I  will  not  go.  Within. 

2825  Fall.  Tut,  you  shall  n'ere  ha'  that  vantage  of  mee,  to  say  you 
are  vndone  by  mee:  Fie  not  bid  you  stay,  I.  Brother,  sweete  bro 
ther,  here's  foure  Angels,  Fie  giue  you  toward  your  Sute;  for 
the  loue  of  lesu,  and  as  euer  you  came  of  Christen  creature, 
make  haste  to  the  water  side  (you  know  where  Master  Fastidius 
283o  vses  to  land)  and  giue  him  warning  of  my  husbands  intent;  and 
tell  him  of  that  leane  Rascals  trecherie:  O  lesu,  how  my  flesh 
rises  at  him?  nay,  sweete  brother  make  haste,  you  may  say  I 
would  haue  writ  to  him,  but  that  the  necessitie  of  the  time 
would  not  suffer  it:  He  cannot  choose  but  take  it  extraordina- 
2835  rily  from  mee:  and  Commend  mee  to  him  good  brother:  say  I 
sent  you.  Exit. 

Fung.  Let  mee  see;  these  foure  Angels:   and  then  fortie  shil 
lings  more  I  can  borrow  on  my  gowne  in  Fetter-lane:   well,    I 
will   goe  presently,  say  on  my  Sute,   pay  as  much  money   as   I 
2840  haue,  and  sweare   my  selfe  into  Credit  with  my  Taylor  for  the 
rest.  Exit. 

L  SCENA 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[82]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

SCENA    SECVNDA. 
'Enter  Deliro  with  Macilente,  speaking  as  they  Passe 

oner  the  Stage. 

2845      "Deli.  O,  on  my  soule  you  wrong  her,  Macilente,  2682 

Though  she  be  froward,  yet  I  know  shee  is  honest. 

Mac.   Well,   then    haue   I    no  Judgement;    would    any    woman 
(but  one  that  were  wild  in   her  affections)  haue  broke  out  into 
that  immodest  nnd  violent  Passion  against  her  husband?  or  is't 
285o  possible— 

Deli.  If  you  loue  me,  forbeare;  all  the  Arguments  i'the  world 
shall  neuer  wrest  my  heart  to  beleeue  it.  Exeunt. 

GRE  X. 

Cord.  How  like  you  the  Deciphering  of  his  Dotage? 
2855      Mit.  O,  strangely;  and  of  the  others  enuie  too,   that  labours 
so  seriously  to  set  debate  betwixt  a  man  and  his  wife.  Stay,  here 
comes  the  Knight  Aduenturer. 
Cord.  I,  and  his  Scriuener  with  him. 

SCENA    TERTIA.  Act.IV.Sc., 

2860  Enter  Puntarvolo,  Notarie,  with  Seruingmen. 

Punt.  I  wonder  Monsieur  *Fastidius  comes  not!  but  Notarie, 
if  thou  please  to  draw  the  Indentures  the  while,  I  will  giue  thee 
the  Theorie. 

Not.  With  all  my  heart  sir;  and  i'le  fall  in  hand  with  'hem 
2865  presently. 

Punt.  Well  then,  first;  the  Swnme  is  to  bee  vnderstood. 
Not.  Good,  sir. 

Punt.   Next,   our    seuerall  Appellations,   and   Character  of  my 
Dogge  and  Cat  must  bee  knowne:  shew  him  the  Cat  Sirrah. 
2870      Not.  So  sir. 

Punt.  Then,  that  the   intended   Point,   is  the   Turks   Court  in 
Constantinople:   the   Time  limited  for  our  returne,   a  yeere:   and 
that  if  either  of  vs  miscarrie,  the  whole  Venter  is  lost.  These  are 
Generall;  conceiu'st  thou?  or  if  either  of  vs  turne  Turque. 
2875      Not.  I  sir. 

Punt.  Now  for  Particulars:  that  I  may  make  my  trauailes  by 

Sea 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [83] 

Sea  or  Land  for  my  best  liking:  and  that  (hiring  a  Coach  for  my 
selfe)  it  shall  be  lawfull  for  my  Cat  and  Dog  to  ride  with  me  in 
the  sayd  Coach. 
2880      Not.  Very  good  Sir. 

Punt.  That  I  may  choose  to  giue  my  Dogge  or  Cat  Fish,  for  2ji6 
feare    of  bones,   or  any    other   Nutriment,   that   (by   the   iudge- 
ment  of  the  most  Autentical  Phisicians  where  I  trauaile)  shal  be 
thought  dangerous. 
2885      Not.  Well  sir. 

Pun.  That  (after  the  receit  of  his  mony)  he  shal  neither  in  his 
owne  person,  or  any  other,  either  by  direct,  or  indirect  meanes; 
as  Magicke,  witchcraft,  or  other  such  Exotick  Arts,  attempt,  prac 
tise,  or  complot  any  thing,  to  the  preiudice  of  Mee,  my  Dogge, 
2890  or  my  Cat:  Neither  shall  I  vse  the  helpe  of  any  such  Sorceries 
or   Enchantments;   as  Vnctions  to    make    our    skins    impenetra 
ble,  or  to  trauaile  inuisible,  by  vertue  of  a  Powder,  or  a  Ring,  or 
to  hang  any  three  forked  charme  about  my  Dogs  necke,  secret 
ly  conuey'd  into  his   Collar:   vnderstand  you?  but  that  all   bee 
2895  performed,  sincerely,  without  fraud  or  imposture. 
Not.  So  sir. 

Punt.   That  (for  testimonie  of  the  performance)   my  selfe   am 
to  bring  thence  a  Turks  Mustachio,  my  Dog  a  Hares  lip,  and  my 
Cat,  the  traine  or  taile  of  a  Rat. 
2900      Not.  'Tis  done  sir. 

Pun.  'Tis  said  sir,  not  done  sir;  but  forward.  That  vpon  my  re-  2j35 
turne  and  landing  on  the  Tower  wharfe,  with  the  aforesaid  Te 
stimonie,  I  am  to  receiue  fiue  for  one,  according  to  the  propor 
tion  of  the  summes  put  forth. 
2go5      Not.  Well  sir. 

Punt.   Prouided,  that  if  before  our  departure  or  setting  forth, 
either  my  selfe,  or  these  be  visited  with  sicknesse,  or  any  other 
casuall   euent,  so  that  the  whole   course  of  the  Aduenture  bee 
hindred  thereby;   that  then,    Hee  is    to   returne,   and   I    am    to 
2910  receiue    the    prenominated    Proportion,    vpon    fayre   and   equall 
termes. 
Not.  Very  good  sir;  is  this  all? 

L  2  Punt.  It 


[84]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Punt.  It  is  all  sir;  and  dispatch  them  good  Notarie.  2746 

Not.  As  fast  as  is  possible  sir.          "Exit.         "Enter  Carlo. 
2Qi5      Punt.  O  Carlo,  welcome:  saw  you  Mounsier  Brisket 
Carl.  Not  I,  did  hee  appoynt  you  to  meete  here? 
Punt.  I,  and  I  muse  hee  should  bee  so  tardie:  hee  is  to  take  an 
hundred  pounds  of  me  in  venture,  if  he  maintaine  his  promise. 

Carl.  Is  his  houre  past? 
2920      Punt.  Not  yet,  but  it  comes  on  apace. 

Carl.  Tut,  be  not  iealous  of  him;  hee  will  sooner  breake  all  the 
tenne  Commandements,  than  his  Houre;  vpon  my  life  in  such 
a  case  trust  him. 

Punt.  Mee  thinkes  Carlo,  you  looke  very  smoothe:  ha? 
2925      Carl.  Why,  I  come  but  now  from  a  Hot-house,  I  must  needes 
looke  smoothe. 
Punt.  From  a  Hot-house? 

Carl.  I,  do  you  make  a  wonder  on't,  why  it's  your  onely  Phi- 
sicke.  Let  a  man  sweate  once  a  weeke  in  a  Hot-house,  and  be  wel 
2930  rubd   and   froted  with  a  good  plumpe  iuicie  wench,  and  sweete 
Linnen,  hee  shall  n'ere  ha'  the  Poxe. 
Punt.  What?  the  French  Poxe? 

Carl.  The  French  Poxe!  our  Poxe:  S'bloud  we  haue  'hem  in  276? 
as  good  forme  as  they  man:  what? 

20,35     Punt.  Let  me  perish,  but  thou  art  a  Villaine:  was  your  new  cre 
ated  Gallant  there  with  you?  Sogliardol 

Carl.  O  Porpuse,  hang  him,  no:  hee's  a  Lieger  at  Homes  Ordi- 
narie  yonder:  his  villanous  Ganimede  and  hee  ha'  bin  droning  a 
Tobacco  Pipe  there,  euer  sin'  yester-day  noone. 

2940      Punt.   Who?  Signior   Tripartite,  that   would    giue    my    Dogge 
the  Whiffet 

Carl.  I,  he:  they  haue  hir'd  a  chamber  and  all  priuate  to  prac 
tise  in,  for  the  making  of  the  Patoun,  the  Receit  Reciprocal^  and  a 
number  of  other  mysteries,  not  yet  extant.  I  brought  some  do- 
2945  sen  or  twentie  Gallants  this  morning  to  view  'hem,  (as  you'ld 
doe  a  piece  of  Perspective)  in  at  a  key-hole;  and  there  we  might 
see  Sogliardo  sit  in  a  Chaire,  holding  his  snowt  vp,  like  a  Sow  vn- 
der  an  Apple  tree,  while  th'other  open'd  his  nostrilles  with  a 

Poking- 


QUARTO]  Eticry  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

Poking-sticke,  to   giue   the   smoke  a  more   free   deliuerie.  They 
2g5o  had  spit  some  three  or  fourescore  ounces  betweene  'hem,  afore 
we  came  away. 

Punt.  How!  spit  three  or  fourescore  ounces?  2788 

Carl.  I,  and  preseru'd  it  in  porrengers,  as  a  Barber  does  his 
Blood,  when  hee  pricks  a  veine.  (friend? 

2g55      Punt.   Out  Pagan;  how  dost  thou  pricke  the  Vaine  of  thy 
Carl.   Friend?  Is  there  any  such  foolish  thing  i'the  world? 
ha?  S'lid  I  ne're  rellisht  it  yet. 

Punt.  Thy  Humor  is  the  more  dangerous. 

Carl.  No  not  a  whit  Signior:  Tut,  a  man  must  keepe  time  in 
2960  all:    I    can  oyle  my  tongue  when   I  meete  him  next,   and  looke 
with  a  good  slicke  forehead;  'twill  take  away  all  soyle  of  Suspi 
cion,  and  that's  inough:  what  Lynceus  can  see  my  heart?  Pish,  the 
title  of  a  Friend,  it's  a  vaine  idle  thing,  onely  venerable  among 
fooles:  you  shall  not  haue  one  that  has  any  opinion  of  wit,  affect 
2965  it.  ~Enter  Deliro  and  Macilente.  Act.IV.Sc.d. 

Deli.  Saue  you  good  sir  Puntarvolo. 
Punt.  Signior  Delirol  welcome. 

Deli.  Pray  you  sir,  did  you  see  master  Fastidius  Brisket  I  heard 
he  was  to  meete  your  Worship  here. 

2970       Punt.  You  heard  no  Figment  sir,  I  doe  expect  him  euery  mi 
nute  my  Watch  strikes. 
Deli.  In  good  time  sir. 

Carl.  There's  a  fellow  now,  lookes  like  one  of  the  Patricians  of 
Sparta,   mary  his  wits  after  ten  i'the   hundred.   A   good   Bloud- 
2975  hound,  a  close  mouth'd  Dog,  hee  followes  the  sent  well,  marrie 
hee's  at  a  fault  now  me  thinks. 

Punt.    I    should  wonder  at  that  creature  is  free  from  the  dan 
ger  of  thy  tongue. 

Carl.   O   I   cannot  abide  these  limmes  of  Sattin,  or  rather  Sa- 

2980  than    indeed,  that'll    walke   (like  the    children    of  darknesse)    all 

day  in  a  melancholy  shop,  with    their  pockets   full    of   Blankes, 

readie  to  swallow  vp   as  many  poore  vnthrifts,   as  come  within 

the  verge. 

Punt.  So:  and  what  hast  thou  for  him  that  is  with  him  now? 

Carl.  O 


[86]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

2g85      Car.  O  (Damne  mee)  Immortalitie,  lie  not  meddle  with  him,  2816 
the  pure  Element  of  Fire,  all  Spirit,  Extraction. 
Punt.  How  Carlo?  ha,  what  is  hee  man? 

Carl.  A  scholler,  Macilente,  doe  you  not  know  him?  a  lanke 
raw-bon'd  Anatomic,  he  walks  vp  and  down  like  a  charg'd  mus- 
2990  ket,  no  man  dares  encounter  him:  that's  his  Rest  there. 
Punt.  His  Rest?  why  has  he  a  forked  head? 

Carl.  Pardon  me,  that's  to  bee  suspended,  you  are  too  quicke, 
too  apprehensiue. 

Deli.  Troth  (now  I  thinkt  on't)  He  defer  it  til  some  other  time. 
2995      Mad.   Gods  precious,   not    by   any   meanes  Signior,   you  shall 
not  lose  this  opportunitie,  hee  will  be  here  presently  now. 

Deli.  Yes  faith  Macilente,  'tis  best.  For  looke  you  sir,  I  shall  so 
exceedingly  offendmy  wife  in't,  that — 

Mac.    Your   wife?  now   for  shame  loose  these  thoughts,   and 

3ooo  become  the  master  of  your  own  spirits.  Should  I  (if  I  had  a  wife) 

suffer  my  self  to  be  thus  passionatly  caried  (too  &  fro)  with  the 

streame  of  her  Humor?  and  neglect  my  deepest  affaires,  to  serue 

her  aifections?  Sbloud  I  would  geld  my  selfe  first. 

Deli.  O  but  Signior,  had  you  such  a  wife  as  mine  is,  you  wold—  2835 
3oo5      Mac.  Such  a  wife?  Now  God  hate  mee  sir,  if  euer  I  discern'd 
any  wonder  in  your  wife  yet,  with  all  the  speculation  I  haue:  I 
haue  seen  some  that  ha'  bin  thought  fairer  tha  she,  in  my  time; 
and  I  haue  seen  those  ha'  not  beene  altogether  so  tall,  esteem'd 
proper  women;  and  I  haue  seen  lesse  Noses  grow  vpon  sweeter 
3oio  Faces,  that  haue  done  very  well  too  in  my  iudgement:  but  in 
good  faith  Signior  for  all  this,  the  Gentlewoman  is  a  good  pre- 
tie  prowd  hard-fauour'd  thing,  mary  not  so  peerelesse  to  be  do 
ted  vpon,  I  must  confesse:  nay,  bee  not  angrie. 

Deli.  Well  sir,   (how  euer  you   please  to  forget  your  selfe)  I 
3oi5  haue  not  deseru'd  to  bee  thus  play'd  vpon,  but  henceforth,  pray 
you  forbeare  my  house,  for  I  can  but  faintly  endure  the  sauor  of 
his  breath  at  my  table,  that  shall  thus  jade  me  for  my  courtesies. 
Mac.  Nay  then  Signior,  let  mee  tell  you,  your  wife  is  no  pro 
per   woman  by  lesu,   and  I   suspect  her  honestie,   that's  more, 
3o2o  which  you  may  likewise  suspect  (if  you  please:)  doe  you  see?  He 

vrge 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [87] 

vrge  you   to   nothing   against  your   appetite,   but  if  you  please, 
you  may  suspect  it. 

Deli.  Good  sir.  Exit.  2852 

Mac.    Good  sir?   Now   Home  vpon  Home   pursue  thee,  thou 
3o25  blind  egregious  Dotard. 

Carl.  O  you  shall  heare  him  speake  like  Enuie.  Signior  M%ci- 
lente,  you  saw  Monsieur  Briske  lately?  I  heard  you  were  with 
him  at  the  Court. 

Mad.  I  Buffone,  I  was  with  him. 

3o3o  Carl.  And  how  is  hee  respected  there?  (I  know  youle  deale 
ingeniously  with  us?)  is  he  made  of  amongst  the  sweeter  sort  of 
Gallants? 

Mac.  Faith  I,  his  duet  and  his  casting  glasse, 
Haue  helpt  him  to  a  place  amongst  the  rest, 
3o35  And  there  his  Seniors  giue  him  good  sleight  lookes, 
After  their  Garbe,  smile,  and  salute  in  French 
With  some  new  complement. 
Carl.  What  is  this  all? 

Mac.  Why  say,  that  they  should  shew  the  frothie  foole,  2867 

3040  Such  grace  as  they  pretend  comes  from  the  heart, 
He  had  a  mightie  wind-fall  out  of  doubt. 
Why  all  their  Graces  are  not  to  doe  Grace 
To  vertue,  or  desert:  but  to  ride  both 

With  their  guilt  spurres  quite  breathlesse  from  themselues. 
3045  'Tis  now  esteem'd  Precisianisme  in  wit; 
And  a  Diseasure  in  Nature  to  be  kind 
Toward  Desert,  to  Loue,  or  seeke  good  Names: 
Who  feedes  with  a  Good  name?  who  thriues  with  longing? 
Who  can^prouide  feast  for  his  owne  desires, 
3o5o  With  seruing  others?  ha,  ha,  ha: 

'Tis  folly  by  our  wisest  worldlings  prou'd 
(If  not  to  gaine  by  loue)  to  bee  belou'd. 

Carl.  How  like  you  him,  is't  not  a  good  spightfull  slaue?  ha? 
Punt.  Shrewd,  shrewd.  (villain. 

3o55      Car.  Damne  me,   I  could  eate  his  flesh  now:   Diuine  sweet 
Mac.  Nay,  pr'y  thee  leaue:  what's  he  there? 

Carl.  Who? 


[88]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Carl.    Who?    this    i'the    starcht    Beard?    it's     the    dull    stiffe  2885 
Knight   Puntarvolo  man;  hee's  to  trauaile  now  presently:  he  has 
a  good  knottie  wit,  marry  hee  carries  little  on't  out  of  the  land 
3o6o  with  him. 

Mac.  How  then? 

Carl.  He  puts  it  forth  in  venture,  as  he  does  his  money;  vpon 
the  returne  of  a  Dog  and  Cat. 

Mac.  Is  this  hee? 

3o65  Carl.  I,  this  is  hee;  a  good  tough  Gentleman:  hee  lookes  like 
a  chine  of  Brawne  at  Shrouetide,  out  of  date,  &  ready  to  take  his 
leaue:  or  a  drie  Poule  of  Ling  vpon  Easter-eue,  that  has  furnisht 
the  table  all  Lent,  as  he  has  done  the  Citie  this  last  Vacation. 

Mac.  Come,  you'le  neuer  leaue  your  stabbing  Simile's:  I  shall 
3o7o  ha'  you  aiming  at  mee  with  'hem  by  and  by,  but — 

Carl.  O  renounce  mee  then:  pure,  honest,  good  Deuill,  I  loue 
thee  aboue  the  loue  of  women:  I  could  e'ne  melt  in  Admirati 
on  of  thee  now:  Gods  so',  looke  here  man;  Sir  Dagonet  and  his 
Esquire.  "Enter  Sog.  and  Shift.  Act.IV.Sc. 

3oy5  Sog.  Saue  you  my  deere  Gallanto's:  nay,  come  approach, 
good  Caualier:  pr'y  thee  (sweet  knight)  know  this  Gentleman, 
hee's  one  that  it  pleases  mee  to  vse  as  my  good  friend  &  compa 
nion;  and  therefore  doe  him  good  offices:  I  beseech  you  Gen 
tles,  know  him. 
3o8o  Punt.  Sir  (for  Signior  Sogliardoes  sake)  let  it  suffice,  I  know  you. 

Sog.  Why  by  lesu,  I  thanke  you  knight,  and  it  shall  suffice. 
Hearke  you  sir  Puntaruolo,  you'ld  little  thinke  it;  hee's  as  reso 
lute  a  peece  of  flesh  as  any's  i'the  world. 

Punt.  Indeede  sir? 

3o85      Sog.   Vpon  my    Gentilitie   sir:    Carlo,   a  word   with  you;  Doe 
you  see  that  same  fellow  there? 
Car  What?  Caualier  Shift? 

Sog.  O  you  know  him;  crie  you  mercie:  before  God,   I  think 
him  the  tallest  man  liuing  within  the  walles  of  Europe. 
3ogo      Carl.  The  walles  of  Europel  take  heede  what  you  say  Signior, 
Enrop's  a  huge  thing  within  the  walles. 

Sog.   Tut    (and   'twere   as    huge    againe)    Il'd    iustifie   what    I 

speake. 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [89] 

speake.  S'lid,  he  swagger'd  e'en  now  in  a  place  where  wee  were: 
I  neuer  saw  a  man  do  it  more  resolute. 

3og5      Carl,    Nay,  indeed  swaggering  is  a  good  Argument  of  Resolu 
tion.  Doe  you  heare  this,  Signior? 

Mad.  I,  to  my  griefe.  O  that  such  muddie  Flags  2Q25 

For  euerie  drunken  flourish,  should  atchieue 
The  name  of  Manhood;  whilst  true  perfect  Valour 
3ioo  (Hating  to  shew  it  selfe)  goes  by  despis'd. 

Sbloud,  I  doe  know  now  (in  a  faire  iust  cause) 
I  dare  doe  more  then  hee  a  thousand  times: 
Why  should  not  they  take  knowledge  of  this?  ha? 
And  giue  my  worth  allowance  before  his? 
3lo5  Because  I  cannot  swagger.  Now  the  Poxe 
Light  on  your  Pickt-Hatch  prowesse. 

Sog.  Why  I  tell  you  sir,  hee  has  beene  the  onely  Bidstand  that 
euer  was,  kept  New-market,  Salisburie  Plaine,  Hockley  i'the  hole, 
Gads-hill;  all  the  high  places  of  any  Request:  hee  has  had  his 
3no  Mares  and  his  Geldings  hee,  ha'  been  worth  forty,  threescore, 
a  hundred  pound  a  Horse,  would  ha'  sprung  you  ouer  hedge 
and  ditch  like  your  Greyhound:  hee  has  done  fiue  hundred 
Robberies  in  his  time,  more  or  lesse,  I  assure  you. 

Punt.  What?  and  scapt? 

3n5      Sog.   Scapt!   Yfaith  I:  hee  has  broken  the  iayle  when  hee  has 
been  in  yrons,   and  yrons;   &  beene  out,  &  in  againe;   and   out, 
and  in;  fortie  times,  and  not  so  few,  hee. 
Mac.  A  fit  Trumpet  to  proclaime  such  a  person. 
Carl.  But  can  this  bee  possible?  (to  it. 

3i2O      Shift.  Why,   'tis  nothing  sir,  when  a  man  giues  his  Affections 
Sog.   Good    Pylades   discourse    a    Robberie  or  two,  to  satisfie 
these  Gentlemen  of  thy  worth. 

Shift.    Pardon  me  my  deere  Orestes:  Causes  haue  their  Quid- 
dits,  and  'tis  ill  iesting  with  Bell-ropes. 

3i25      Carl.  How?  Pylades  and  Orestes'?  (conceit? 

Sog.  I.  he  is  my  Pylades,  and  I  am  his  Orestes:  how  like  you  the 

Carl.  O  it's  an  old  stale  Enterlude  deuice:  No,   I'le  giue  you 

Names  my  selfe:  looke  you,  he  shall  be  your  ludas,  and  you  shal 

M  bee 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

be  his  Elder  tree  to  hang  on. 

3l3o      Mac.  Nay,  rather  let  him  be  Captaine  Pod,   and  this  his  Mo-  2g58 
tion,  for  he  does  nothing  but  Shew  him. 

Car.  Excellent:  or  thus;  you  shal  be  Holdcn,  &  he  your  Camell. 
Shift.  You  doe  not  meane  to  ride  Gentlemen? 
Punt.  Faith  let  me  end  it  for  you  Gallants:  you  shall  bee  his 
3l35  Countenance,  and  hee  your  Resolution. 

Sog.  Troth  that's  pretie:  how  say  you  Caualier,  shalt  bee  so? 
Carl.  I,  I,  most  voyces. 

Shift.  Faith  I  am  easily  yeelding  to  any  good  Impressions. 
Sog.  Then  giue  hands  good  Resolution. 

8140      Carl.   Masse  he   cannot  say  good    Countenance    now   (proper 
ly)  to  him  againe. 
Punt.  Yes,  by  an  Ironie. 

Mac.  O  sir,  the  countenance  of  Resolution  should,  as  hee's  al 
together  grim  and  vnpleasant.  Enter  Briske. 
3i45      Fast.   Good  houres  make   Musicke   with    your  mirth    Gentle-  Act.IV.Sc.l 
men,  and  keepe  times  to  your  humors:  how  now  Carlo? 

Punt.   Monsieur  Briskel   many  a  long  looke  haue   I   extended 
for  you  sir. 

Fast.   Good   faith   I   must  craue    pardon ;    I    was   inuited   this 
3i5o  morning  ere  I  was  out  of  my  bedde,  by  a  Beuie  of  Ladies,  to  a 
Banquet:  whence  it  was  almost  one  of  Hercules  Labours  for  mee 
to  come  away,  but  that  the  respect  of  my  promise  did  so  pre- 
uaile  with  mee:   I   know  they'le  take  it  very  ill,  especially  one, 
that  gaue  mee  this  bracelet   off  her  Haire  but  ouer  night,  and 
3i55  this  Pearle  another  gaue  me  from  her  forehead,   Mary  shee— 
what?  are  these  writings  ready? 

Punt.   I  will  send   my  man   to  know.   Sirrah,   goe  you   to  the 
Notaries,  and  learne  if  hee  be  readie:  leaue  the  Dog  sir. 

Exit  Seruingman. 

3i6o  Fast.  And  how  does  my  rare  qualified  friend  Sogliardo?  oh 
Signior  Macilentel  by  these  eyes  I  sawe  you  not,  I  had  saluted 
you  sooner  else  on  my  troth:  I  hope  sir  I  may  presume  vpon 
you,  that  you  will  not  divulge  my  late  checke,  or  disgrace  in- 
deede  sir. 

Mac.  You 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [91] 

3i65      Mac.  You  may  sir.  2gg3 

Car.    S'heart  hee    knowes    some   notorious  jest  by  this   Gull, 
that  hee  hath  him  so  obsequious. 

Sog.   Monsieur  Fastidius,  doe  you  see  this  fellow  there?  does 
hee    not    looke    like    a    clowne?  would  you    thinke   there's    any 
3170  thing  in  him? 

Fast.  Any  thing  in   him?  beshrew   mee,   I;   the  fellow   hath   a 
good  ingenious  face. 

Sog.   By  this    Element,   hee   is  an   ingenious  tall  man  as  euer 
swaggerd  about  London:  hee  and  I  call  Countenance  and  Rcsolu- 
3iy5  tion,  but  his  name  is  Caualier  Shift. 

Punt.   Caualier,   you   knew  Signior   Clog,  that  was  hang'd  for 
the  robberie  at  Harrow  on  the  hill? 

Sog.    Knew  him  sir!  why  'twas  hee  gaue  all  the  directions  for 
the  Action. 
3i8o      Punt.  How?  was't  your  Project  sir? 

Shift.  Pardon  mee  Countenance,  you   doe  me   some   wrong  to 
make  that  publicke,  which  I  imparted  to  you  in  priuate. 

Sog.  Gods  will,  here  are  none  but  friends  Resolution.  3oio 

Shift.  That's   all   one;  things  of  Consequence  must  haue  their 
3i85  respects,  where,  how,  and  to  whom.  Yes  sir,  he  shewed  himselfe 
a  true  Clogge  in  the  coherence  of  that  affaire  sir;  for  if  hee  had 
manag'd  matters  as  they  were  corroborated  to  him,  it  had  been 
better  for  him  by  a  fortie  or  fiftie  score   of  pounds   sir,   and  he 
himselfe   might   ha'  liu'd    (in  despight  of  Fate)  to  haue  fedde  on 
3igo  Woodcocks  with  the  rest:  but  it  was  his  heauie  fortunes  to  sinke 
poore  Clog,  and  therefore  talke  no  more  of  him. 
Punt.  Why,  had  hee  no  more  Agents  then? 

Sog.  O   God  sir;  I,  there  were  some  present  there,  that  were 
the  nine  Worthies  to  him  yfaith. 

3ig5  Shift.  I  sir,  I  can  satisfie  you  at  more  conuenient  conference: 
but  (for  mine  owne  part)  I  haue  now  reconci'ld  my  selfe  to  o- 
ther  courses,  and  professe  a  liuing  out  of  my  other  qualities. 

Sog.  Nay,  hee  has  left  all  now  (I  assure  you)  and  is  able  to  hue 
like  a  Gentleman  by  his  Qualitie.  By  this  Dog,  he  has  the  most 
32OO  rare  gift  in  Tabacco  that  euer  you  knew. 

M  2  Carl.  S'heart, 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Carl.  S'heart,  hee  keepes  more  adoe  with  this  monster,  than  3027 
euer  Bankes  did  with  his  Horse,  or  the  fellow  with  the  Elephant. 
Mac.  Hee  will  hang  out  his  picture  shortly  in  a  cloth,  you  shall 
see. 

3205      Sog.   O   hee  do's  manage   a   quarrell  the  best  that  euer   you 
saw,  for  termes  and  circumstances. 

Fast.  Good  faith   Signior,  (now  you   speake  of  a  quarrell)   He 
acquaint  you  with   a  difference  that  happened  betweene  a  Gal 
lant  and  my  selfe:   sir  Puntaruolo,  you  knowe  him  if  I  should 
32 10  name  him;  Signior  Luculento. 

Punt.  Luculento\  what  inauspicious   chance  interpos'd   it  selfe 
betwixt  your  two  loues? 

Fast.  Faith  sir,  the  same  that  sundred  Agamemnon  and  great 
Thetis  sonne;  but  let  the  cause  escape  sir:  He  sent  me  a  challenge 
32i5  (mixt  with  some  few  braues)  which  I  restor'd,  and  in  fine  wee 
met.  Now  indeede  sir  (I  must  tell  you)  hee  did  offer  at  first  very 
desperately,   but    without  iudgement:    for  looke  you  sir,  I  cast 
my  selfe  into  this  figure:  now  he  comes  violently  on,  and  with- 
all  advauncing  his  Rapier  to  strike,  I  thought  to  haue  tooke  his 
322O  arme  (for  hee  had  left  his  whole  body  to  my  election,  and  I  was 
sure  hee  could  not  recouer  his  guard)  sir,  I  mist  my  purpose  in 
his  arme,   rasht  his  doublet  sleeue,  ranne  him  close  by  the  left 
cheeke,  and  through  his  haire:  He  againe  lights  me  here,  I  had 
a  gold  Cable  hatband,  then  new  come  vp,  (which  I  wore  about 
3225  a  murrey  French  Hat  I  had)  cuts  my  Hatband  (and  yet  it  was 
Massie,  Gold-smithes  worke,   cuts  my  brimmes,  which  by  good 
fortune    being    thicke,   embrodered  with  gold   twist,   and   span 
gles)  disappointed  the  force  of  the  blow:   Neuerthelesse  it  graz'd 
on  my  shoulders,  takes  me  away  sixe  purles  of  an  Italian  cut- 
323o  worke  Band  I  wore,  cost  me  three  pounds  in  the  Exchange  but 
three  daies  before. 

Punt.  This  was  a  strange  encounter.  3064 

Fastid.  Nay  you   shall  heare  sir,   with  this  wee  both  fell  out 

and   breath'd:    Now,   (vpon  the  second  signe  of  his   assault,)  I 

3235  betooke    mee    to    the    former    maner    of  my    defence;    hee    (on 

the    other   side)    abandon'd  his  bodie  to  the  same  daunger  as 

before, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [98] 

before,  and  followes  mee  still  with  blowes.  But  I  (being  loth  to 

take   the   deadly  aduantage  that  lay  before  mee  of  his  left  side) 

made  a  kind  of  stramazoun,  ran  him  vp  to  the  hilts,  through  the 

3240  doublet,  through  the  shirt,  and  yet  mist  the  skinne.  He  (making 

a  reuerse  blow,  fals  vpon  my  emboss'd  girdle  (I  had  thrown  off 

the  hagers  a  little  before)  strikes  off  the  skirt  of  a  thick  lac't  sat- 

tin   doublet  I  had  (lin'd  with  some  foure  Taffataes)  cuts  off  two 

panes    embrodered    with    Pearles,    rents    through   the   drawings 

3246  out  of  Tissew,  enters  the  linings,  and  skips  the  flesh. 

Car.  I  wonder  hee  speakes  not  of  his  wrought  shirt.  3o6? 

Fast.   Here   (in  the  opinion  of  mutuall  dammage)  wee  paus'd: 
but  (ere  I  proceede)   I  must  tell  you   Signior,  that  (in  this  last 
encounter)  not  hauing  leisure  to  put  off  my  siluer  spurres,  one 
325o  of  the  rowels  catcht  hold  of  the  ruffle  of  my  Boote,  and  (being 
Spanish   Leather,  and  subiect  to  teare)  ouerthrowes  mee,  rends 
mee  two  paire  of  silke  stockings  (that  I  put  on,  being  somewhat 
a  raw  morning,    a    Peach-colour,  and  another)    and   strikes  mee 
some  halfe  inch  deepe  into  the  side  of  the  Calfe:  He  (seeing  the 
3255  bloud  come)   presently  takes  horse,  and  away.   I   (hauing  bound 
vp  my  wound  with  a  peece  of  my  wrought  shirt) 
Carl.  O,  comes  it  there? 

Fast.  Rid  after  him,  &   (lighting  at  the  Court  gate  both  toge 
ther)  embrac'd,  and  marcht  hand  in  hand  vp  into  the  Presence. 
326o      Mac.  Well,  by  this  wee  can  gesse  what  apparrell  the  Gentle 
man  wore. 

Punt.  Fore  God  it  was  a  designement  begun  with  much  reso-  3o83 
lution,  maintain'd  with  as  much  prowesse,   &   ended  with  more 
humanitie.   How  now,  what  sayes  hee? 
3265  His  seruingman  enters. 

Seruing.  The  Notarie  sayes  he  is  ready  sir,  he  stayes  but  your 
Worships  pleasure. 

Punt.  Come,  wee  will  goe  to  him  Monsieur.  Gentlemen,  shal 
wee  entreate  you  to  bee  witnesses. 

3270      Sog.  You  shall  entreate  mee  sir,  come  Resolution. 
Shift.  I  follow  you  good  Countenance. 
Carl.  Come  Signior,  come,  come. 

M  3  Mac.  O 


[94]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Mad.  O,  that  there  should  bee  fortune  3og2 

To  clothe  these  men,  so  naked  in  desert, 
3275  And  that  the  iust  storme  of  a  wretched  life, 

Beates  'hem  not  ragged  for  their  wretched  Soules, 

And  since  as  fruitlesse,  euen  as  blacke  as  coles.  Exit. 

G  RE  X. 

Mit.  Why  but  Signior,  howe  comes  it  that  Fungoso  appear'd 
328o  not  with  his  sisters  intelligence  to  Briske. 

Cord.  Marie  long  of  the  euill  Angels  that  shee  gaue  him,  who 

haue    indeede    tempted    the    good    simple    youth  to   follow    the 

taile  of  the  fashion,  and  neglect  the   imposition   of  his   friends. 

Behold,  here  hee  comes,  verie  worshipfully   attended,  and  with 

3285  good  varietie. 

SCENA    QVARTA.  Act.IV.Sc.> 

'Enter  Fungoso,  with  Taylor,  Shoe-maker,  and  Haberdasher. 
Fung.   Gramercie    good    Shoe-maker,   lie    put    to    strings   my 
selfe.  Exit  Shoe-maker. 

3290  Now  sir,  let  mee  see,  what  must  you  haue  for  this  Hat? 
Haber.  Here's  the  Bill,  sir. 
Fung.  How  does't  become  me?  well? 

Tayl.  Excellent  sir,  as  euer  you  had  any  Hat  in  your  life. 
Haber.  Nay  faith  sir,  the  Hat's  as  good  as  any  man  i'this  town 
32Q5  can  serue  you,  And  will  maintaine  Fashion  as  long,  ne're  trust 
mee  for  a  groat  else. 
Fung.  Does  it  apply  well  to  my  sute? 
Tay.  Exceeding  well  sir. 
Fung.  How  li'kst  thou  my  sute  Haberdasher? 

33oo      Hab.  By  my  troth  sir  'tis  very  rarely  well  made,  I  neuer  saw 
a  sute  sit  better  I  can  tell  on. 

Tay.  Nay,  we  haue  no  Arte  to  please  our  friends,  wee. 
Fung.  Here  Haberdasher,  tell  this  same. 

Haber.  Good  faith  sir,  it  makes  you  haue   an  excellent  body. 
33o5      Fung.  Nay  (beleeue  mee)   I  thinke  I  haue  as  good  a  bodie  in 
clothes  as  another. 

Tay.  You  lacke  points  to  bring  your   apparrell   together. 

Fung.  J'le 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [98] 

Fung.  I'le  haue  points  anon:  how  now?  is't  right.  8126 

Hob.    Faith   sir   'tis   too   little,  but   vpon  farther  hopes.    Good 
33io  morrow  to  you  sir.  Exit  Haberdasher. 

Fun.  Farewell  good  Haberdasher:  well  now  master  Snip  let 
mee  see  your  Bill. 

GREX, 

Mit.       !   Me  thinkes  hee  discharges  his  followers  too  thicke. 
33i5  Cor.       )    O,  therein  hee  saucily  imitates  some  great  man.  I  war 
rant  you  though  hee    turnes   off  them,  hee  keepes  this 
Taylor  in  place  of  a  Page  to  follow  him. 
Fung.  This  Bill  is  very  reasonable  in  fayth:  Hearke  you  Ma 
ster  Snip,  Troth  sir  I  am  not  altogether  so  well  mrnisht  at  this 

332O  present,  as  I  could  wish  I  were:  but If  you'le  doe  me  the  fa- 

uour  to  take  part  in  hand,  you  shall  haue  all  I  haue  by  lesu. 
Tay.  Sir — 

Fung.  And  but  giue  mee  credite  for  the  rest,  til  the  beginning 
of  the  next  Terme. 
3325      Tay.  O  Lord  Sir— 

Fung.  Fore  God  and  by  this  light  He  pay  you  to  the  vtmost, 
and  acknowledge  my  selfe  very  deepely  engag'd  to  you  by  this 
hand. 

Tay.  Why  how  much  haue  you  there  Sir?  8146 

333o      Fung.  Mary  I  haue  here  foure  Angels,   and  fifteen  shillings  of 
white  money,  it's  all  I  haue  as  '  hope  to  bee  sau'd. 

Tay.  You  will  not  faile  mee  at  the  next  Terme  with  the  rest. 
Fung.   No:  and   I   do,  pray  God  I  bee  hang'd.  Let  mee  neuer 
breathe  againe  vpon  this  mortall  Stage,  as  the  Philosopher  cals 
3335  it.  By  this  aire,  and  (as  I  am  a  Gentleman)  He  hold. 

GREX. 

Cor.  f  Hee  were  an  yron-hearted  fellow  in  my  iudgement, 
|  that  would  not  credite  him  upon  these  monstrous 
v  othes. 

3340      Tay.   Well  sir,   He  not   sticke  with  any  Gentleman  for   a  tri 
fle,  you  know  what  'tis  remaines. 

*Pung.  I  Sir,  and  I  giue  you  thanks  in  good  faith;  O  God,  how 
happie  am  I  made  in  this  good  fortune!  Well,  nowe  i'le  goe 

seeke 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

seeke  out  Monsieur  Briske.  Gods  so,  I  haue  forgot  Ribband  for 
33«5  my  shooes,  and  points.  S'lid  what  luck's  this?  how  shall  we  doe? 
Master  Snippe,  pray  let  mee  reduct  some  two  or  three  shillings 
for  poynts  and  Rybband:  by  lesu  I  haue  vtterly  disfurnisht  my 
selfe  in  the  default  of  memorie;  pray  le'  mee  bee  beholding  to 
you,  it  shall  come  home  i'the  Bill  beleeue  mee. 

335o      Tay.  Faith  sir,  I  can  hardly  depart  with  money,  but  i'le  take  3i65 
vp,   and   send  you  some  by  my  boy  presently.  What  coulour'd 
Ribband  would  you  haue?  (sute. 

Fun.  What  you  shall  thinke  meet  i'your  iudgement  sir  to  my 
Tay,  Well,  i'le  send  you  some  presently. 
3355      Eun.  And  poynts  too  sir? 

Tay.  And  poynts  too  sir.  Exit  Tayh*. 

Fun.  Good  Lord,  how  shall  I  studie  to  deserue  this  kindnesse 
of  you  sir?  Pray  let  your  youth  make  hast,  for  I  should  haue  done 
a  businesse  an  houre  since,  that  I  doubt  I  shall  come  too  late. 
336o  Now  in  good  truth  I  am  exceedingly  proude  of  my  sute.      Exit. 

GREX. 

Cord.  Doe  you  obserue  the  plunges  that  this  poore  Gallant  is 
put  too  (Signior)  to  purchase  the  Fashion? 

Mit.  I,  and  to  bee  still  a  Fashion  behind  the  world,  that's  the 
3365  sport. 

Cord.  Stay:  O  here  they  come  from  Seal'd  and  deliuer'd. 

SCENA    QVINTA.  AcUV.Sc. 

Enter  Puntaruolo,  Fastidius  Briske,  seruingmen,  with  the  Dog. 
Punt.  Well,  now  my  whole  venture  is  forth,   I  will  resolue  to 
337O  depart  shortly. 

Fast.  Faith  sir  Puntaruolo  goe  to  the  Court,  and  take  leaue  of 
the  Ladies  first. 

Punt.  I  care  not  if  it  bee  this  afternoones  labor:  where  is  Carlo? 
Fast.  Here  hee  comes. 
3375  Enter  Carlo,  Sogliardo,  Shift,  and  Macilente. 

Carl.  Faith  Gallants,  I  am  perswading  this  Gentleman  to 
turne  Courtier,  he  is  a  man  of  faire  reuenew,  and  his  estate  will 
beare  the  charge  well,  besides  for  his  other  gifts  of  the  minde, 

or 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [97] 

or  so  why,  they  are  as  Nature  lent  him'hem,  pure,  simple,  with- 

338o  out  any  Artificiall  drug  or  mixture  of  these  two  thredbare  beg- 
gerly  qualities,  Learning  and  Knowledge,  and  therefore  the  more 
accommodate  and  Genuine.  Now  for  the  life  it  selfe- 

Fact.  O,  the  most  Celestiall,  and  full  of  woonder  and  delight  320O 
that    can   be   imagin'd    Signior,    beyond   all   thought   and   appre- 

3385  hension  of  Pleasure.  A  man  Hues  there  in  that  diuine  Rapture, 
that  he  will  think  himselfe  i'the  third  Heauen  for  the  time,  and 
loose  all  sence  of  Mortalitie  whatsoeuer;  when  he  shall  behold 
such  glorious  (and  almost  immortall)  beauties,  heare  such  An- 
gelicall  and  Harmonious  voices,  discourse  with  such  flowing 

33go  and  Ambrosian  spirits,  whose  wits  as  suddaine  as  Lightningand 
humorous  as  Nectar;  Oh:  it  makes  a  man  all  Quintessence  and 
Fleame,  and  liftes  him  vp  (in  a  moment)  to  the  very  Christall 
Crowne  o'the  skie,  where  (houering  in  the  strength  of  his  Ima 
gination)  he  shall  behold  all  the  delights  of  the  Hesperides,  the  In- 

33g5  sul<z  Fortunate,  Adonis  gardens,   Tempe,  or  what  else  fconfm'd 
within  the  amplest  verge  of  Poesie)  to  be  meere  Vmbrtz  and  im 
perfect   Figures,    conferr'd  with    the   most   essentiall  felicitie   of 
your  Court. 
Mac.  Wei,  this   ENCOMION  was   not   extemporall,  it  came 

3400  too  perfectly  off. 

Car.  Besides  sir,  you  shall  neuer  need  to  go  to  a  Hothouse,  32i5 
you  shall  sweat  there  with    courting  your    mistresse,   or  loosing 
your  money  at  Primcro,  as  well  as  in  all  the  Stoues  in  Flaunders. 
Mary  this  Sir,  you  must  euer  be  sure  to  carrie  a  good  strong 

3406  perfume  about  you,  that  your  mistresse  Dog  may  smell  you  out 
amongst  the  rest;  and  (in  making  loue  to  her)  neuer  feare  to  be 
out:  for  you  may  haue  a  pipe  of  tabacco,  or  a  base  Violl  shal  hang 
o'the  wall  of  purpose,  will  put  you  in  presently.  The  tricks  your 
Resolution  has  taught  you  in  Tabacco,  (the  Whiffe,  and  those 

3410  sleights^  will  stand  you  in  very  good  Ornament  there? 

Fact.  I,  to  some  per  haps:  but,  and  hee  should  come  to  my 
Mistresse  with  Tabacco  fthis  Gentleman  knowesj  shee'ld  reply 
vpon  him  y  faith.  Oh  (by  this  bright  Sunnef  shee  has  the  most 
acute,  ready,  and  facetious  wit,  that  8.  tut  Ihere'sno  spirit  able 

N  to 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

34l5  to  stand  her.  You  can  report  it  Signior,  you  haue  scene  her? 

Punt.  Then  can  he  report  no  lesse  out  of  his  iudgement,  I  as 
sure  him. 

Mad.  Troth  I  like  her  well  enough,  but  shee's  too  selfe-con-  8280 
ceited  me  thinkes. 

3420  Fast.  I  indeed,  shee's  a  litle  too  selfe-conceited,  and  'twere 
not  for  that  Humor,  she  were  the  most  to  be  admir'd  Lady  in 
the  world. 

Punt.  Indeed  it  is  a  Humor  that  takes  from  her  other  excel 
lencies. 

3^25      Mac.  why  it  may  easily  be  made  to  forsake  her  in  my  thought. 
Fast.  Easily  Sir?  then  are  all  impossibilities  easie. 
Mac.  You   conclude  too   quicke  vpon   me   Signior,   what  will 
you  say  if  I  make  it  so  conspicuously  appeare  now,  that  your 
selfe  shall  confesse  nothing  more  possible. 

3430      Fast.  Mary  I  will  say.  /  will  both  applaud  you,  &  admire  you  for  it. 
Punt.  And  I  will  second  him. 
Mac.  Why  Fie  shew  you   Gentlemen;   Carlo,  come  hither. 

Macilente,  Carlo,  Puntarvolo,  and  Briske,  whisper. 
Sog.   Good  faith  I   haue  a  great  Humor  to  the  Court,   what 
3435  thinkes  my  Resolution,  shall  I  aduenture? 

Shift.  Troth  Countenance,  as  you  please;  the  Place  is  a  place  of  32^5 
good  Reputation  and  Capacitie. 

Sog.  O  my  trickes  in  Tabacco  (as  Carlo  sayes)  wil  shew  excel 
lent  there. 

3440      Shift.   Why  you   may    goe    with    these    Gentlemen    now,    and 
see  fashions;  and  after,  as  you  shall  see  Correspondence. 
Sog.  You  say  true.  You  will  goe  with  me  Resolution. 
Shift.   I  will  meete  you   Countenance,   about  three  or  foure  of 
clocke,  but,  to  say  to  goe  with  you  I  cannot;  for  fas  I  am  Apple 
3445  lohn)  I  am  to  goe  before  the  Cocatrice  you  saw  this  morning,  & 
therefore  pray,   present  me   excus'd  good  Countenance. 
Sog.   Farewell  good  Resolution,  but  faile  not  to  meet. 
Shift.  As  I  Hue. 

They  brcake  silence.  Exit  Shift, 

punt.  Admirably   excellent. 

Mac.  If 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [99] 

Mac.  If  you  can  but  persuade  Sogliardo  to  the  Court,  there's  al 
now. 

Carl.  O  let  me  alone,  that's  my  taske.  8261 

Fast.   Now  by   lesu    Macilente,   it's   aboue   measure   excellent: 
3455  'twill   be  the   onely   Courtly   exploit    that    euer    prou'd    Courtier 
ingenious. 

Punt.   Vpon  my  soule  it  puts  my  Lady  quite  out  of  her  Hu 
mor,  and  we  shall  laugh  with  iudgment. 

Carl.    Come,   the   Gentleman   was   of  himselfe   resolu'd  to  goe 
3460  with  you,  afore  I  mou'd  it. 

Mac.  Why  then  gallants,  you  two  and  Carlo  go   afore  to  pre 
pare  the  iest:  Sogliardo  and  I  will  come  some  while  after  you. 
Car.  Pardon  me,  I  am  not  for  the  Court. 

Punt.  That's  true;  Carlo  comes  not  at  the  Court  indeed:  well, 

3465  you  shall  leaue  it  to  the  facultie  of  Monsieur  Briske,  &  my  selfe; 

vpon   our  hues  we  will  manage  it  happily.  Carlo  shall   bespeake 

Supper  at  the   Mitre   against  wee  come  backe:  where  wee  will 

meet,  and  dimple  our  cheekes  with  laughter  at  the  successe. 

Carl.  I,  but  will  you  all  promise  to  come? 

3470      Punt.  My  selfe  shall  man/rede  it  for  them:  he  that  failes,  let  his 
Reputation  lie  vnder  the  lash  of  thy  tongue. 
Carl.  Gods  so',  looke  who  comes  here? 

Enter  Fungoso. 

Sog.  What,  Nephew?  8280 

3475      Fung.  Vncle,  God  sane   you;    did  you   see   a   Gentleman,    one 
Monsieur  Briske?  a  Courtier,  he  goes  in  such  a  Sute  as  I  doe, 
Sog.  Here  is  the  Gentleman  Nephew,  but  not  in  such  a  Sute. 
Fung.  Another  Sute!  He  Swonnes. 

Sog.  How  now  Nephew? 
3480      Fast.  Would  you  speake  to  me  Sir? 

Carl.  I,  when  he  has  recouer'd  himselfe:  poore  Poll. 
Punt.  Some  Rosa-solis. 
Mac.  How  now  Signior? 
Fung.  I  am  not  well  Sir. 
3485      Mac.  Why  this  it  is,  to  dog  the  Fashion. 

Carl.    Nay    come    Gentlemen,     remember    your    affaires;     his 

N  ij  disease 


f  I0o]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

disease  is  nothing  but  the  Fluxe  of  apparell, 

vuni.    Sirs,    returne  to  the   lodging,   keepe  the   Cat  safe;   Tie  3294 
be  the  Dogs  Guardian  my  selfe.  Exeunt  Scruingmen 

3490      Sog.  Nephew,  will  you  goe  to  the  Court:  with  vs;  these  Gen 
tlemen  and  I  are  for  the  Court:  nay  be  not  so  Melancholly. 

Fun.  By  Gods  lid  I  thinke  no  man  in  Christendome  has  that 
rascally  fortune  that  I  haue. 

Mad.  Faith  your  Sute  is  well  enough  Signior. 

3495      Fun.  Nay,  not  for  that  I  protest;  but  I  had  an  errand  to  Mon 
sieur  Fastidius\  and  I  haue  forgot  it 

Mad.  Why  goe  along  to  the    Court  with  vs,   and   remember 
it  come.   Gentlemen,   you  three  take    one    boat,    and    Sogliardo 
and  I  will  take  another:  we  shalbe  there  instantly.   ' 
35oo      Fast.  Content:   good   Sir  vouchsafe  vs  your  pleasance. 
Punt,  Farewell  Carlo;  remember. 

Carl.  I  warrant  you:  would  I  had  one  of  Kempes  shooes  to 
throw  after  you. 

Punt.  Good  Fortune  will  close  the  eyes  of  our  jest,  feare  not:  33io 
35o5  and  we  shall  frollick.  Exeunt. 

G  R  EX. 

Mit.  This  Madlente  Signior,  begins  to  be  more  sociable  on  a 
suddaine  me  thinkes,  than  he  was  before,  ther's  some  Portent 
in't,  I  beleeue. 

35io  Cord.  O  hee's  a  fellow  of  a  straunge  Nature.  Now  do's  he  (in 
this  calme  of  his  Humor)  plot  and  store  vp  a  world  of  malicious 
thoughts  in  his  braine,  till  he  is  so  full  with'him,  that  you  shall 
see  the  very  Torrent  of  his  Enuic  breake  forth,  and  against  the 
course  of  all  their  affections  oppose  it  selfe  so  violently,  that 
35i5  you  will  almost  haue  woonder  to  thinke  how  'tis  possible  the 
current  of  their  Dispositions  shall  receiue  so  quick  and  strong 
an  alteration. 

Mit.  I  marry  sir,   this  is  that  on  which  my   Expectation  has 
dwelt  all  this  while:  for  I  must  tell  you  Signior  fthough  I  was 
3520  loth  to  interrupt  the  Scene)  yet  I   made  it  a  question  in   mine 
owne  priuate  discourse,   how  he  should  properly   call  it,  Euery 
man  out  of  his  Humor,  when  I  saw  all  his  Actors  so  strongly  pur 
sue 


QUARTO]  Enery  man  out  of  Ms  humour.  [101] 

sue  and  continue  their  humors? 

Cord.  Why  therein  his  Art  appeares  most   full   of  lustre,    and  8828 

3525  approcheth  nearest  the  life,  especially  when  in  the  flame  and 
height  of  their  Humors  they  are  laid  flat,  it  fils  the  eye  better, 
and  with  more  contentment.  How  tedious  a  sight  were  it  to 
behold  a  proud  exalted  tree  lopt  and  cut  downe  by  degrees, 
when  it  might  be  feld  in  a  moment?  and  to  set  the  axe  to  it,  be- 

353o  fore  it  came  to  that  pride  &  fulnes,  were  as  not  to  haue  it  grow. 

Mit.  Wei,  I  shall  long  till  I  see  this  fall  you  talke  of. 

Cord.   To    helpe    your  longing,    Signior,   let  your   imagination 

be  swifter  then  a  paire  of  Oares,  and  by  this,  suppose  Puntaruo- 

/<?,  Briske,  Fungoso,  and  the  Dog,  arriu'd  at  the  Court  gate,  &  go- 

3535  ing  vp  to  the  gteat  chamber.  Macilente  and  Sogliardo,  wee'll 
leaue  them  on  the  water  tilll  possibility  and  naturall  means  may 
land  'hem.  Here  come  Gallants,  now  prepare  your  Epecta- 
tion. 

ACTVS   QVINTVS,   SCENA   PRIM  A.  Act.V.Sc.I. 

3540          Enter  Pimtervolo,  Fastidius  Briske,  Fungoso,  and  the  Dog. 

Punt.   Come  Lordings.   Signior,  you  are  sufficiently   instructed. 
Fast.  Who,  I  sir? 

Punt.  No,  this  Gentleman.  But  stay,  I  take  thought  how  to  be 
stow  my  dog,  he  is  no  competent  attendant  for  the  Presence. 
3545      Fast.  Masse  that's  true  indeed  knight,  you  must  not  carry  him 
into  the  Presence. 

Punt.  I  know  it,  and  I  (like  a  dull  beast,)  forgot  to  bring  one 
of  my  Cormorants  to  attend  me. 

Fast.  Why,  you're  best  leaue  him  at  the  Porters  lodge. 
355o      punt.  Not  so:  his  worth  is  too  well  knowne  amongst  them,  to 
be  forth-comming. 

Fast.  Slight,  how'll  you  do  then? 

punt.    I  must  leaue  him  with  one  that  is  ignorant  of  his  quali- 
tie,  if  I  will  haue  him  to  be  safe.  And  see:  Here  comes  one  that 
3555  will  carie  coales,  Ergo,  will  hold  my  dog.  My  honest  friend,  may 
I  commit  the  tuition  of  this  dog  to  thy  prudent  care? 

Enter  a  Groome  with  a  basket. 
Groome.  You  may  if  you  please  sir. 

punt.  Pray 


f  io2]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

:>5g5  she  laughs  a  fit,  to  bring  her  into  more  matter;  that's  nothing: 
you  must  talke  forward  (though  it  be  without  sense,  so  it  bee 
without  blushing)  'tis  most  Courtlike  and  well. 

Sog.  But  shnll  I  not  vse  Tabacco  at  all?  33gy 

Mac.   O,  by  no   meanes,   'twill    but  make   your  breath  suspe- 
36oo  cted;  and  that  that  you  vse  it  onely  to  confound  the  rankenesse 
of  that. 

Sog.  Nay,  He  be  aduis'd  sir  by  my  friends. 
Mad.  Gods  my  life,  see  where  sir  Puntars  Dog  is. 
Groome.  I  would  the  Gentleman  would  returne  for  his   follo- 
36o5  wer  here,  He  leaue  him  to  his  fortunes  else. 

Mad.  S'hart,  'twere  the  onely  true  iest  in  the  world  to  poy- 
son  him  now:  ha?  by  Gods  will  He  do  it,  if  I  could  but  get  him 
of  the  fellow.    Signior  Sogliardo,   walke  aside,   and  thinke   vpon 
some  deuise  to  entertaine  the  Lady  with. 
36io      Sog.  So  I  do  sir.  Sog.  walkes  off,  meditating. 

Mac.    How    now    mine    honest    friend?    whose     Dog-keeper 
art  thou? 

Groome.  Dog-keeper  sir?  I  hope  I  scorne  that  Ifaith.  8410 

Mac.  Why?  do'st  thou  not  keepe  a  Dog? 

36i5  Groome.  Sir,  now  I  doe,  and  now  I  doe  not:  I  thinke  this  bee 
Sweete  and  Short:  make  me  his  Dog-keeper? 

Throwe  off  the  Dog,  &  exit. 

Mad.    This    is    excellent    aboue    expectation:    nay    stay    sir, 
you'ld  be  trauelling;  but  He  giue  you   a    dramme   shall  shorten 
362O  your  voyage:  here:  so  sir,  He  be  bold  to  take  my  leaue  of  you: 
now  to  the  Turkes  Court  in  the  diuels  name,  for  you  shal  neuer 
go  on  Gods  name.     (Kickes  him  out)        Sogliardo,  come. 
Sog.  I  ha'  't  yfaith  now,  will  sting  it. 

Mad.   Take    heed    you    leese    it    not    Signior,   ere  you   come 
36a5  there:  preserue  it.  Exeunt 

GREX.  3421 

Cor.    '  How  like  you  this  first  exploit  of  his? 


Mil. 


363o      Cor. 


O,  a  peece  of  true  Enuie,  but  I  expect  the  issue  of  the 

other  deuise. 
Here  they  come,  will  make  it  appeare. 

S  C  E  N  A 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  humour.  [io3] 

Punt.  Pray  thee  let  me  find  thee  here  at  my  returne:  it  shall  3362 
356o  not  be  long,  till  I  will  Ease  thee  of  thy  emploiment,  and  Please 
thee.  Forth  Gentles. 

Fast.  Why,  but  will  you  leaue  him  with  so  slight  command, 
and  infuse  no  more  charge  vpon  the  fellow? 

Punt.  Charge?  no,  there  were  no   pollicie    in   that;  that  were 
3565  to  let  him  know  the  value  of  the  Gem  he  holds,  &  so,  to  tempt 
fraile  nature  against  her  disposition.  No,  pray  thee  let  thy  Ho- 
nestie  be  sweet  and  short. 
Groome.  yes  sir. 

Punt.    But  heark  you    Gallants,    and   cheefly   Monsieur  Bnske 
357O  When  wee    come    in    eye-shot    or    presence   of  this   Ladie,    let 
not  others  matters  carrie  vs  from  our  Proiect:  but  ( if  wee  can) 
single  her  forth  to  some  place. 
Fast.  I  warrant  you. 

Punt.  And  bee  not  too  suddaine,  but  let  the  deuise  induce  i> 
3575  selfe  with  good  Circumstance:  on. 

Fung.  Is  this  the  way?  good  truth  here  be  fine  hangings. 

Exeunt  Puntarvolo,  Briske,  Fungoso. 

Groome.   Honestie,  Sweet   and  Short?  mary  it   shall   sir,  doubt  338o 
you  not:  for  euen  at  this  instant  if  one  would  giue  me  twenti  j 
358o  pounds,    I   would   not    deliuer  him;   there's   for  the   Sweet:    but 
now,  if  any  man  come  offer  me   but  two-pence,  hee  shall  hau  ; 
him;  there's  for  the  Short  now.  Sbloud,  what  a  mad  Humorou  ; 
Gentleman  is  this  to   leaue  his  Dog  with  me?  I  could  run  awa; 
with  him  now,  and  he  were  worth  any  thing:  well,  I  pray  God 
3585  send  him  quickly  againe.  Enter  Macilente  and  Sogliardo. 

Mac.    Come    on    Signior,   now    prepare  to    Court   this    All-wit 

ted  Ladie,  most  Naturally  and  like  your  selfe. 

Sog.  Faith  and  you  say  the  word,  He  begin  to  her  in  Tobacco 

Mac.   O  fie  on't,  no  you  shall  begin  with,  How  does  my  sweet 

35go  Ladie;  or,  Why  are  you  so  melancholly  Madam!  though  she  be  very 

merrie,  it's   all   one:    be   sure   to   kisse  your  hand  often  enough; 

pray  for  her  health,  and  tell  her,  how  more  than  most  fair e  shee  is: 

Screw  your  face  a  t'one  side  thus,  &  Protest;  let  her  fleere  and 

looke   a  skaunce,   and  hide   her  Teeth    with    her   Fanne,   when 

she 


[104]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

SCENA    SECVNDA.  Act.V.Sc.2. 

Enter  Puntarvolo,  Sauiolina  Factidius  Briske,  Fungoso. 
Saui.   Why  I  thought  Sir  Puntarvolo,   you  had  been  gone  your 
Voyage? 

3635      Punt.  Deare,  and  most  Amiable  Ladie,  your  Diuine  Beauties 
do  bind  me  to  those  Offices,  that  I  cannot  depart  when  I  would. 
Sawi.'Tis  most  Courtlike  spoken  sir;  but  how  might  we  doe 
to  haue  a  sight  of  your  Dog  and  Cat? 

Fact.  His  Dogge's  in  the  Court,  Ladie.  (sir? 

3640  Saui.  And  not  your   Cat?  how  dare  you   trust  her  behind  you 

Punt.    Troth    Madame    she    hath    sore    eyes,    and    shee    dooth 

keepe   her   Chamber:    marry    I    haue    left    her    vnder    sufficient 

guard:  there  are  two  of  my  Hinds  to  attend  her.  (go  sir? 

Saui.   He   giue  you  some  Water  for  her  eyes:  when  doe  you 

3645      Punt.  Certes  sweet  Ladie,  I  know  not. 

Fact.  He  doth  stay  the  rather  Madame,  to  present  your  Acute 

iudgement  with   so    Courtly,   and   well-Parted    a    Gentleman,  as 

yet  your  Ladiship  hath  neuer  scene.  (man? 

Saui.   What's  he,   gentle    Mounsieur   Brisket   not    that   Gentle 

365o      Fast.  No  Ladie,  this  is  a  Kinsman  of  Justice  Silence.  ^447 

Punt.  Pray'  sir:  giue  me  leaue  to  report  him:  hee's  a  Gentle 
man  (Ladie,)  of  that  rare  and  admirable  facultie,  as  (I  protest) 
I  know  not  his  like  in  Europe:  he  is  exceedingly  Valiant,  an  ex 
cellent  Scholler  and  so  exactly  trauail'd  that  hee  is  able  in 
3655  discourse,  to  deliuer  you  a  Modell  of  any  Princes  Court  in  the 
world:  'speakes  the  Languages  with  that  puritie  of  Phrase,  and 
facilitie  of  Accent,  that  it  breeds  astonishment:  his  Wit,  the 
most  Exuberant  and  (aboue  wonder)  pleasant,  of  all  that  euer 
entred  the  concaue  of  this  eare.  (man. 

366o      Fast.  Tis  most  true  Ladie;  mary  he  is  no  such  excellet  proper 
Punt.   His  Trauailes  haue   chang'd  his  complexion,   Madame. 
Saui.  O  sir  Puntarvolo,  you  must  thinke  euery  man   was  not 
borne  to  haue  my  Seruant  Brisks  feature. 

Punt.  But  that  which  transcends  all,   Ladie;  he  doth  so  Peer- 
3665  lessely  imitate  any  manner  of  person  for  Gesture,  Action,   Pas 
sion,  or  what  euer. 

Fast.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [io5J 

Fast'  I,  especially  a  Rusticke  or  a  Clowne  Madame,  that  it  is  8468 
not  possible  for  the  sharpest-sighted  with  (in  the  world)  to  dis- 
cerne  any  sparkes  of  the  Gentleman  in  him,  when  hee  does  it. 
3670      Saui.  O  Mounsieur  Brisk,  be  not  so   Tyranous  to  confine  all 
Wits   within  the  compasse  of  your  owne:  Not  find  the  sparkes 
of  a  Gentleman  in  him,  if  he  be  a  Gentleman? 
Fun.  No  in  truth  (sweet  Ladiej  I  beleeue  you  cannot. 
Saui.  Do  you  beleeue  so?  why  I  can  find  sparkes  of  a  Gentle- 
3675  man  in  you  sir' 

Punt.  I,  he  is  a  Gentleman  Madame,  and  a  Reueller. 
Fun.  Indeed  I  think  I  haue  seen  your  Ladiship  at  our  Reuels. 
Saui.  Lik  inough  sir  :  but  would  I  might  see  this  wonder  you 
talke  of:  may  one  haue  a  sight  of  him  for  any  reasonable  sum? 
368o      punt.  Yes  Madam,  he  will  arriue  presently. 
Saui.  What,  and  shall  we  see  him  Clowne  it? 
Fast.  I  faith  (sweet  Lady^  that  you  shall:  see  heere  he  comes. 

Enter  Macilente  with  Sogliardo. 

punt.  This  is  he;  pray  obserue  him  Lady.  ^479 

3685      Saui.  Beshrew  me,  he  Clownes  it  properly  indeed. 

punt.  Nay,  marke  his  Courtship.  lusty?  ha 

Sog.  How  dos  my  sweet  Lady;  hole  and  moyst?  Beautifull  and 
Saui.  Beautifull  and  it  please  you  sir,  but  not  lusty. 
Sog.  O  ho  Ladie;  it  pleases  you  to  say  so  in  truth:  and  how 
3690  does  my  sweet  Lady;  in  health?  Bona  roba,  qiiceso?  que  Novelles? 
que  Novelles?  Sweete  creature. 

Saui.   O   excellent:  why   Gallants,  is    this    he   that    cannot  be 
Deciphered?    they    were    very    bleare-witted  yfaith    that    could 
not  discerne  the  Gentleman  in  him. 
36g5      punt.  But  do  you,  in  earnest  Lady? 

Saui.  Do  I  sir?  why  if  you  had  any  true  Court-iudgement 
in  the  carriage  of  his  eye,  and  that  inward  power  that  formes 
his  countenance,  you  might  perceiue  his  counterfeiting  as 
cleere  as  the  noone  day:  Alas;  Nay  if  you  would  haue  tried  my 
3700  Wit  indeed,  you  should  neuer  haue  tolde  me  he  was  a  Gentle 
man,  but  presented  him  for  a  true  Clowne  indeede;  and  then 
haue  scene  if  I  could  haue  decipher'd  him. 

O  Fast.  Fore 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[io6]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  CLINCH'S 

Fast.  Tore  God,  her  Ladiship  sayes  true  fknight:)  but  does 
he  not  affect  the  Clowne  most  naturally,  Mistresse? 

37o5      Punt.  O,  she  cannot  but  affirme  that  out  of  the  Bountie  of  her  35oo 
iudgement. 

Saui.  Nay  out  of  doubt  he  does  well,  for  a  Gentleman  to  i- 
mitate;  but  I  warrant  you,  he  becomes  his  naturall  carriage  of 
the  Gentleman,  much  better  than  his  Clownerie. 

3710      Fast.  Tis  strange  in  truth,  her  Ladiship  should  see  so  farre  in 
to  him. 

Punt.  I,  is't  not. 

Saui.  Faith  as  easily  as  may  be:  not  decipher  him,  quoth  you? 
Fung.  Good  sadnesse,  I  wonder  at  it. 

3716  Mac.  Why,  has  she  decipher'd  him,  Gentlemen?  ;• 
Punt.  O  most  miraculously,  and  beyond  Admiration. 
Mac.  Is't  possible? 

Fast.  Shee  hath  giuen  most  infallible  signes  of  the  Gentleman 
in  him,  that's  certaine. 

3720      Sam.  Why,  Gallants,   let   me  laugh  at   you    a   litle:   was  this  35i4 
your  deuise,  to  trie  my  iudgement  in  a  Gentleman? 

Mad.  Nay  Lady,  do  not  scorne  vs,  though  you  haue  this  gift 
of  Perspicacie  aboue  others:  What  if  he  should  be  no  Gentle 
man  now,  but  a  Clowne  indeed,  Lady? 

3725      Punt.  How  thinke  you  of  that?  would  not  your  Ladiship  be 
out  of  your  Humor? 
Fast.  O,  but  she  knowes  it  is  not  so. 

Saui.  What  if  he  were  not  a  man,    ye  may  as  well   say?    nay 
if  your  Worships   could    gull   me  so   indeede,   you  were    wiser 
373o  then  you  were  taken  for. 

Mad.  In  good  faith  Lady,  he  is  a  very  perfect  Clowne,    both 
by  father  and  mother  :  that  He  assure  you. 
Saui.  O  Sir,  you  are  very  pleasurable. 

Mad.  Nay,  do  but  looke   on   his  hand,  and   that  shall   resolue 
3735  you:  Looke  you  Lady,  what  a  palme  here  is. 
Sog.  Tut,  that  was  with  holding  the  plough. 
Mar.   The   Plough!  did  you  discerne   any  such  thing  in  him, 
Madame? 

Fast.  Faith 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [107] 

Fast.  Faith  no,  she  saw  ths  Gentleman  as  bright  as  at  noone-  353i 
3740  day  she:  he  decipher'd  him  at  first. 

Maci.  Troth  I  am    sorie  your    Ladiships  sight    should    be    so 
suddainly  strooke. 
Saui.  O,  you're  good  Beagles! 
Fast.  What,  is  she  gone? 

3745      Sog.  Nay  stay  sweet  Lady;  Que  Novel les,  Que  Novellesl 
Saui.  Out,  you  foole  you.  Exit  Saui. 

Fung.  Shee's  out  of  her  Humor  yfaith. 
Fast.  Nay,  let's  follow  it  while  tis  hote  Gentlemen. 
Punt.   Come,  on  mine  honour  wee  le  make  her  blush  in  the 
3760  Presence:  my  splene  is  great  with  laughter. 

Mac.  Your  laughter  will  be  a  child  of  a  feeble  life  I  beleeue 
sir.  Come  Signior,  your  lookes  are  too  delected  me  thinkes: 
why  mixe  you  not  mirth  with  the  rest? 

Fung.  By  Gods  will,  this  Sute  frets  me  at  the  Soule.  He  haue 
3755  it  alter'd  to  morrow  sure.  Exeunt. 

Enter  Shift.  Act.  V.Sc.3. 

Shift.  I  am  come  to  the  Court  to  meet  with  my  Countenance 
Sogliardo:  poore  men  must  be  glad  of  such  countenance,  when 
they  can  get  no  better.  Well,  Need  may  insult  vpon  a  man,  but 
3760  it  shall  neuer  make  him  despaire  of  Consequence.  The  world 
will  say,  tis  base;  tush,  base!  tis  base  to  Hue  vnder  the  earth,  not 
base  to  Hue  aboue  it  by  any  meanes. 

Enter  Puntarvolo,  Fastidius,  Sogliardo,  Fungoso,  Macilente. 
Post.  The  poore  Ladie  is  most  miserably  out  of  her  Humour 
3765  yfaith. 

Punt.  There  was  neuer  so  witty  a  iest  broken  at  the  Tilt,  of 
all  the  Court  wits  christen'd. 

Maci.  O,  this  applause  taints  it  fouly. 
Sog.  I  thinke  I  did  my  part  in  Courting.  O  Resolution. 
3770      Punt.  Ay  me,  my  Dog. 
Maci.  Where  is  he? 
Fast.  Gods  precious,  go  seeke  for  the  fellow,  good  Signior. 

sends  away  Fungoso. 
Punt.  Here,  here  I  left  him. 

O  ij  Maci.  Why 


f  108]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

3775      Mad.  Why  none  was  here  when  we   came  in  now,  but  Ca 
valier  Shift,  enquire  of  him. 

Fast.  Did  you  see  sir  Puntarvolos  dog  here  Cavalier,  since  you 
came?  f  Dog  sir. 

Shift.  His  Dog  sir?  he  may  looke  his  Dog  sir;  I  see  none  of  his  35jo 
3780      Mac.  Vpon  my  life  he   has  stoln   your  Dog  sir,    and  benhir,d 
to  it  by  some  that  haue  ventur'd  with  you ;  you  may  gesse  by  his 
peremptorie  answeres. 

Punt,  Not  vnlike;  for  he  hath  been  a  notorious   theefe  by  his 
owne  confession.  Sirrah,  where's  my  Dog? 

3785      Shift.  Charge  me  with  your  Dog  sir?  I  ha'non  of  your  dogsir. 
Punt.  Villaine,  thou  liest. 
Shift.  Lie  sir?  S'blood  y'are  but  a  man  sir. 
Punt.  Rogue  and  Theefe,  restore  him. 

Sog.  Take  heed  sir  Puntarvolo  what  you  doe;  hee'le  beare  no 
3790  coales  I  can  tell  you  (of  my  word. 
Mad.  This  is  rare. 

Sog .  It's  mar'le  he  stabs  you  not:  by  this  Light,  he  hath  stab'd 
fortie  for  fortie  times  lesse  matter,  I  can  tell  you,  of  my  know 
ledge. 
3795      Punt.  I  will  make  thee  stoupe,  thou  Abiect. 

Sog.  Make  him  stoupe    sir.  Gentlemen  pacific  him,  or    hee'le 
be  kill'd. 

Mac.  Is  he  so  tall  a  man? 

Sog.  Tall  a  man?  if  you  loue  his  life  stand  betwixt'hem: 
38oo  make  him  stoupe! 

Pun.  My  dog  Villain,  or  I  wil  hang  thee:  thou  hast  confest  ro-  35go 
beries,  &  other  fellonious  acts   to   this  Gentlema  thy  Countenace 
Sog.  lie  beare  no  witnesse. 

Punt.  And  without  my  Dog  I  will  hang  thee,  for  them. 
38o5  Shift  kneeles. 

Sog.  What?  kneele  to  thine  enemie? 

Shift.   Pardon  mee  good   sir;   God  is  my   ludge   I   neuer  did 
Robberie  in  all  my  life.  Enter  Fungoso. 

Fung.  O  sir  Puntarvolo,  your  Dog  lies  giuing  vp  the  ghost  in 
38io  the  wood-yard. 

Mac.  S'blood 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humour.  [109] 

Mad.  S'bloud  is  he  not  dead  yet? 

Punt.   O,   my   Dogge  borne  to    disastrous    fortune!    pray    you  36oo 
conduct  me  sir.  Exit  Punt,  with  Fung. 

Sog.  How?  did  you  neuer  do  any  robbery  in  your  life? 
38i5      Mac.  O  this  is  good:  so  he  swore  sir. 

Sog.  I  heard  him.  And  did  you  sweare  true  sir? 
Shift.  I  fas  God  shall  haue  part  of  my  soule  Sir)  I  ne're  rob'd 
any  man  I;  neuer  stood  by  the  high-way  side  Sir,  but  only  sayd 
so,  because  I  would  get  my  selfe  a  name,  and  be  counted  a  tall 
382O  man. 

Sog.  Now  out  base  Viliaco:  Thou  my  Resolution?  I  thy  Coun 
tenance?  By  this  light,  Gentlemen,  he  hath  confest  to  me  the  most 
inexorable  companie  of  Robberies,  and  damn'd  himselfe  that 
he  did  'hem;  you  neuer  heard  the  like:  out  skoundrell  out,  fol- 
3825  low  me  no  more  I  command  thee;  out  of  my  sight,  go,  hence, 
speake  not,  I  will  not  heare  thee;  away  Camouccio. 

Mac.  O,  how  do  I  feed  vpon  this  now,  and  fat  my  selfe?  here 
were  a  couple  vnexpectedly  dishumor'd:  well  by  this  time  I 
hope  sir  Puntarvolo  and  his  Dog  are  both  out  of  Humor  to  tra- 
383o  uaile:  nay,  Gentlemen,  why  do  you  not  seeke  out  the  Knight, 
and  comfort  him?  our  Supper  at  the  Mitre  must  of  necessitie 
hold  to  night,  if  you  loue  your  Reputations. 

Fast.  'Fore  God  I  am   so  Melancholly  for  his  Dogges  disaster 
but  i'le  go.  fcholly 

3835      Sog.   Faith  and  I  may  go  too,  but  I  know  I  shall  be  so  Melan-  8620 

Nac.  Tush,   Melancholly?  you  must  forget  that  now,  and  re 
member  you  lie  at  the  mercie  of  a  Furie:  Carlo  will  racke  your 
sinewes  asunder,  and  raile  you  to  dust  if  you  come  not.     Exeunt. 
Mit.  O  then  their  feare  of  Carlo  belike,  makes  them 
3840  hold  their  meeting. 

Cor.  I,  here  he  comes:  conceiue  him  but  to  be  enter'd 
the  Mitre. 

SCENA  TERTIA.  Act.V.Sc.4. 

Enter  Carlo. 

3845      Car.  Holla:  where  be  these  Shotmakers?  Enter  Drawer 

Draw.  By  and  by:   you    are  welcome    good    master  Buffone. 

O  iii  Carl. 


[no]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Carl.  Where's  George?  call  me  George  hither  quickly. 
Draw.   What  wine  please  you  haue   Sir?  Tie  draw  you  that's 
neat  Buffone. 

385o      Car.  Away  Neophite,  do  as  I  bid;  bring  my  deare  George  to  me  3636 
Masse  here  he  comes.  Enter  George. 

Georg.  Welcome  Maister  Carlo. 
Carl.  What's  Supper  readie,  George? 

Geor.  I  sir,  almost:  will  you  haue  the  cloth  laid,  Maister  Carlo? 
3855      Carl.  O,  what  else:  are  none  of  the  Gallants  come  yet? 
Georg.  None  yet  sir. 

Carl.  Stay,  take  me  with  you  George:  let  me  haue  a  good  fat 
Loine  of  Porke  laid  to  the  fire  presently. 

Georg.  It  shall  sir. 

386o  Carl.  And  withall,  heare  you?  draw  me  the  biggest  shaft  you 
haue  out  of  the  But  you  wot  of:  away,  you  know  my  meaning 
George,  quick. 

George.  Done  sir.  Exit. 

Carl.  S'bloud,  I  neuer  hungred  so  much  for  thing  in  my  life,  365o 
3865  as   I  doe  to  knowe  our  Gallants  successe  at  the  Court:  now  is 
that  leane   Blad-rid  Macilente,  that  salt  Villaine,   plotting    some 
mischieuous    deuise,  and  lies  a  soking  in  their  frothy  Humours 
like  a  drie  crust,  till  he  has  drunke  'hem  all  vp:  could  the  Kecks 
but  hold  vp's   eyes  at  other  mens  happinesse  in  any  reasonable 
3870  proportion,  S'lid  the  slaue  were  to  be  loued  next   Heauen,  a- 
boue  Honour,    Wealth,  rich  Fare,    Apparell,    Wenches,  all  the 
delights  of  the  Bellie,  and  the  Groine,  whateuer. 
Georg.  Here,  maister  Carlo. 
Carl.  Is't  right,  Boy? 
3875      Geor.  I  sir,  I  assure  you  'tis  right. 

Carl.  Well  said,  my  deare   George,    depart:   Come,   my  small 
Gimblet,  you  in  the  false  scabberd,  away;  (  Puts  forth    the    Dra- 
so:  Now  to  you  sir  Burgomaster,  let's  tast  of  (  wer  &  shuts  the  dore 
your  Bounty. 
388o  G  R  E  X. 

Mil.     jwhat,  will  he  deale  vpon  such   quantities  of  wine  alone.  3665 
Cord    (You  shall  perceiue  that  sir.  He  drinkes. 

Carl.  I 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humour.  [i  1 1] 

Carl.  I  mary  sir,  here's  puritie.  O  George,  I  could  bite  of  thy 
nose  for  this  now:  Sweet  Rogue,  he  has  drawne  Nectar,  the  ve 
ry  soule  of  the  Grape:  I'le  wash  my  temples  with  some  on't 
presently:  and  drinke  some  halfe  a  score  draughts;  'twill  heate 
3885  the  Braine,  kindle  my  imagination,  I  shall  talke  nothing  but 
Crackers  and  Fire-worke  to  night.  So  sir;  Please  you  to  bee 
here  sir,  and  I  here:  So. 

He  sets  the  two  cups  asunder,  and  first  drinkes  with  the 
38go  one,  and  pledges  with  the  other. 

GREX.  Cord.  This  is  worth  the  obseruation,  Signior. 
Carl.  I  cap.  Now  sir,  here's   to  you;   and  I  present  you  with  36?5 
so  much  of  my  loue. 

2  Cup.  I  take  it  kindly  from  you  sir.  (Drinkes.}  And  wil  return 
38g5  you  the  like  proportion:   but  withall  sir,  remembering  the  mer- 
rie  night  we  had  at  the  Countesses;  you  know  where  sir. 

1  Cup.  By  lesu  you  doe  put  me  in  mind  now  of  a  very  neces 
sary  office,  which  I  wil  propose  in  your  pledge  sir:  The  health  of 
that  honorable  Countesse,  &  the  sweet  Lady  that  sat  by  her  sir. 

3goo  2  I  do  vail  to  it  with  reuerence.  (Drinks.}  2  And  now  Signior, 
with  these  Ladies,  I'le  be  bold  to  mixe  the  health  of  your  Di- 
uine  Mistresse.  I  Doe  you  know  her  sir?  2  O  Lord  sir,  I,  and  in 
the  respectfull  memorie  and  mention  of  her,  I  could  wish  this 
wine  were  the  most  pretious  drugge  in  the  world. 
3go5  i  Good  faith  sir  you  doe  honor  me  in't  exceedingly.  (Drinks.} 

GREX. 

Mit.    \  Whom  should  he  personate  in  this,  Signior?  36go 

Cord.  \  Faith  I  know  not  sir,  obserue,  obserue  him. 

2  If  it  were  the  basest  filth  or  mud  that  runnes  in  the  chan- 
3gio  nell,  I  am  bound  to  pledge  it  by  God  sir.  (Drinks.)  And  now  sir, 

here  is  againe  a  replenisht  bowle  sir,  which  I  will  reciprocally  re- 
turne  vpon  you  to  the  health  of  the  Count  Frugale.  i  The  Count 
Frugales  health  sir?  I'le  pledge  it  on  my  knees  by  lesu.  2  Will 
you  sir?  I'le  drinke  it  on  my  knees  then,  by  the  Lord.  (Drinkes} 
3gi5  GREX. 

Mit.    (    Why  this  is  straunge. 
Cor.   \    Ha'  you  hard  a  better  drunken  Dialogue? 

2  Nay, 


f  1 1 2]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

2  Nay,  do  me  right  Sir.   i.  So  I  do    in  good  faith.  2.   Good  3j02 
faith  you  do  not;  mine  was  fuller.  I.  Why,  by  lesu  it  was  not. 
3920  2.  By  lesu  it  was,  and  you  do  lie.  I.  Lie  sir.  2. 1  sir.  I.  S'wounds 
you  rascall.  2.  O,  come,  stab,  if  you  haue  a  mind  to  it.  I.  Stab? 
dost  thou  thinke  I  dare  not?  (In  his  owne  person]  Nay,  I  beseech 
you    Gentlemen,   what    meanes  this;    nay    looke,    for  shame    re 
spect  your  reputations. 
3926  Ouerturnes  wine,  Pot,  cups,  and  all. 

Enter  Macilente.  A  ct.  V .  Sc.5 

Mac.  Why  how  now  Carlo,  what  Humor's  this? 
Car.  O  my  good  Mischief,  art  thou  come?  where  are  the  rest? 
where  are  the  rest? 

3Q3O      Mac.  Faith  three  of  our  Ordinance  are  burst. 
Carl.  Burst,  how  comes  that? 
Mac.  Faith,  ouer-charg'd,  ouer-charg'd. 
Carl.  But  did  not  the  traine  hold? 

Mac.  O  yes,  and  the  poore  Lady  is  irrecouerably  blowne  vp. 
3g35      Carl.  Why,  but  which  of  the  Munition  is  miscarried?  ha? 

Mac.  Imprimis,  Sir  puntarvolo:  next,  the  Countenance,  and  Re- 
solution. 

Carl.  How?  how  for  the  loue  of  God? 

Mac.   Troth    the  Resolution  is  proou'd   Recreant;   the   Counte- 
3940  nance  hath  chang'd  his  Coppie;   and  the   Passionate  Knight,  is 
shedding  Funerall  teares  ouer  his  departed  Dogge. 
Carl.  What's  his  Dogge  dead? 

Mac.  Poison'd   'tis  thought:    marry  how,    or   by  whom,  that's 
left    for  some  Cunning   woman    heere  o'the   Banke-side    to   re- 
3945  solue:  For  my  part,  I  know  nothing,  more  than  that  we  are  like 
to  haue  an  exceeding  Melancholly  Supper  of  it. 

Carl.  S'life,  and  I  had  purpos'd  to  be  extraordinarily  merry: 
I  had  drunke  off  a  good  Preparatiue  of  old  Sacke  heere:  but 
will  they  come,  will  they  come? 

3960  Mac.  They  will  assuredly  come:  mary  Carlo  (as  thou  lou'st 
me)  runne  ouer  'hem  all  freely  to  night,  and  especially  the 
Knight;  spare  no  Sulphurious  jeast  that  may  come  out  of  that 
sweatie  Forge  of  thine,  but  ply'hem  with  all  manner  of  Shot, 

Minion, 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor.  [n3] 

Minion,  Saker,  Culverine,  or  any  thing  what  thou  wilt. 

3g55      Carl.  I  warrant  thee  my  deare  Cale  of  Petrione,  so  stand  I  not  3?44 
in  dread  of  thee,  but  that  thou'lt  second  me. 
Mad.  Why  my  good  Germane  Tapster,  I  will. 
Carl.  What  George.  Lomtero,  Lomtero,  &c.  Daunceth. 

Georg.  Did  you  call,  Master  Carlo? 
3g6o      Carl.  More  Nectar,  George,  Lomtero,  &c. 

Geor.  Your  meat's   ready  sir,  and  your   company   were  come. 
Carl.  Is  the  Loine  of  Porke  enough? 
Geor.  I  Sir,  it  is  enough. 

Mad.    Porke?   S,heart  what  doest  thou    with   such    a    greasie 
3g65  Dish:   I  thinke  thou  dost  Varnish  thy  face  with  the  fat  on't,   it 
lookes  so  like  a  Glew-pot. 

Carl.    True,    my    Raw-bon'd    Rogue:    and    if    thou    would'st 
farce  thy  leane  Ribs  with   it  too,   they  would  not  (like  ragged 
Lathes)  rub  out  so  many  Dubletes  as  they  do:  but  thou  knowest 
3970  not  a  good  Dish,  thou.   O,  it's  the  only  nourishing  meat  in  the 
world:    No    maruaile    though    that    saucie    stubborne    Generati 
on  the  lewes,  were  forbidden  it:    for  what  would  they  ha'done, 
well  pamper'd  with  fat  Porke,  that  durst  murmure  at  their  ma 
ker  out  of  Garlicke  and  Onions.   S'blood   fed  with  it,   the   hor- 
3976  son    strummell     patch,    Goggle-ey'd    Grumbledories,    would    ha' 
Gigantomachiz'd.  Well  said  my  sweet  George,  fill,  fill. 

G  R  EX. 
This  sauours  too  much  of  Prophanation.  3?65 


Hit. 
Cor. 


3980 


O  serve  fur  ad  imum,  qualis  ab  incepto  processerit,  &  sibi  co- 


stet.  The  necessitie  of  his  vaine  compels  a  tolleration: 
V  for,  barre  this,  and  dash  him  out  of  Humor  before  his 

time. 

Carl.  'Tis  anAxiome.  in  Naturall  Philosophie,   What  comes  nea 
rest  the  nature  of  that  it  feeds,  couerts  quicker  to  nourishment,  &  doth 
3g85  sooner  essentiate.  Now  nothing  in  flesh  and  Entrailes,  assimulates 
or  resembles  Man  more,  then  a  Hog  or  Swine.  (Drinkes) 

Mad.  True;  and  hee  (to  requite  their  courtesie)  oftentimes 
d'ofFeth  off  his  owne  nature,  and  puts  on  theirs;  as  when  hee 
becomes  as  churlish  as  a  Hogge,  or  as  a  drunke  ar  a  Sow:  but  to 

P  your 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[114]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

3ggo  your  conclusion.  (Drinkes) 

Car.  Mary  I  say,  nothing  resembling  Man  more  than  a  Swine,  3jj6 
it  followes,  nothing  can  be  more  nourishing:  for  indeed  (but 
that  it  abhorres  from  our  nice  Nature)  if  we  fed  one  vpon  ano 
ther,  we  should  shoot  vp  a  great  deale  faster,  and  thriue  much 
3go,5  better:  I  referre  me  to  your  Long-lane  Cannibales,  or  such  like: 
but  since  'tis  so  contrary,  Porke,  Porke  is  your  only  feed. 

Mad.  I  take  it  your  Deuill  be  of  the  same    Diet;  hee   would 
ne'rc  ha'  desir'e  to  beene  incorporated  into  Swine  else.  O  here 
comes  the  Malancholly  messe:    vpon  'hem  Carlo  charge,  charge 
4000  Enter  Puntarvolo,  Fastidius,  Sogliardo,  Fungoso. 

Carl.  'Fore  God  sir  Puntarvolo,  I  jam  sorrie  for  your  heauines. 
Body  a  mee,  a  shrewd  mischaunce:  why  had  you  no  Vnicornes 
homes,  nor  Bezars  stone  about  you?  ha? 

Punt.  Sir,  I  would  request  you  be  silent. 
40o5      Mad.  Nay,  to  him  againe. 

Carl.  Take  comfort  good  knight,  if  your  Cat  ha'recouered 
her  Cataract,  feare  nothing;  your  Dogges  mischance  may  bee 
holpen. 

Fast.  Say  how  fsweete  Carlo)  for  so    God  mend  me,  the  poore 
4010  Knights  moanes  draw  me   into    fellowship    of   his  misfortunes. 
But  be  not  discouraged  good  sir  Puntarvolo,  I  am  content  your 
aduenture  shall  be  perform'd  vpon  your  Cat. 

Mad.    I    beleeue  you   Muske-cod,   I   beleeue   you,   for   rather 
than  thou    would'st  make  present  repaimet,  thou  would'st  take 
401 5  it  vp  on  his  owne  bare  returne  from  Callice. 

Carl.  Nay  Gods  life,   hee  Id  bee  content  (so  he  were  well  rid 
out  of  his  company)  to  pay  him  fiue  for  one  at  his  next  mee 
ting  him  in  Panics,  but  for  your  Dogge,  sir  Puntar,  if  hee  be  not 
out-right  dead,   there   is  a  friend   of  mine    a   Quack-sauer,    shall 
4020  put  life  in  him  againe,  that's  certaine. 
Fung.  O  no,  that  comes  too  late. 
Mad.  Gods  precious  Knight,  will  you  suffer  this? 
Punt.  Drawer;  get  me  a  Candle  and  hard  waxe  presently: 
Sog.  I,  and  bring  vp  supper;  for  I  am  so  Melancholy. 
4025      Carl.  Ah  Signior,  where's  your  Resolution. 

Sog.  Reso- 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [i  i5] 

Sog.  Resolution\  hang  him  rascall:  O  Carlo,  if  you  loue  me,  do 
not  mention  him. 

Carl.  Why,  how  so?  how  so?  38i5 

Sog.  O  the  arrantst  Crocodile  that   euer    Christia  was  acquain- 
4o3o  ted  with.  By  lesu,   I  shall  thinke  the  worse  of  Tobacco  while  I 

Hue  for  his  sake:  I  did  thinke  him  to  be  as  tall  a  man 

Mad.  Nay  Buffone,  the  Knight,  the  Knight. 

Car.  Sblood,  he    lookes  like  an   Image  carued   out    of  Boxe, 

full  of  knots:  his  face  is  (for    all  the  world)  like  a   Dutch  purse 

4o35  with  the   mouth  downeward;  his   beard's  the  Tassels:    and  hee 

walkes  (let  me  see)  as  melancholly  as  one  o'  the  Masters  side  in 

the  Counter.  Do  you  heare  sir  Puntarl 

Punt.  Sir,  I  do  entreat  you  no  more.,  but  enioyne  you  to  si 
lence,  as  you  affect  your  peace. 

4040  Carl.  Nay  but  deare  Knight  vnderstand  (here  are  none  but 
friends,  and  such  as  wish  you  well)  I  would  ha'  you  do  this  now: 
Fleay  me  your  dog  presently  (but  in  any  case  keepe  the  head) 
and  stuffe  his  skin  well  with  straw,  as  ye  see  these  dead  monsters 
at  Bartholmew  faire. 
4045  Punt.  I  shall  be  sodaine  I  tell  you.  383i 

Carl.  Or  if  you  like  not  that  sir,  giue  mee  somewhat  a  lesse 
dog  and  clap  into  the  skin;  here's  a  slaue  about  the  towne  here, 
a  lew,  one  Yohan,  or  a  fellow  that  makes  periwigs,  will  glew  it 
on  artificially,  it  shall  ne'er  bee   discern'd:   besides,  twill   be   so 
4o5o  much  the  warmer  for  the  hound  to  trauell  in  you  know. 
Mad.  Sir  Puntarvolo,  Sdeath  can  you  be  so  patient? 
Carl.  Or  thus  sir,  you  may  haue  (as  you  come  through  Ger 
many)   a  Familiar  for  litle  ornothing  shal  turne  it  selfe  into  the 
shape  of  your  Dogge,  or  any  thing  (what  you  will)  for  certaine 
4o55  howers:  Gods  my  life  Knight,  what  do  you  meane?  youle  offer 
no  violenc,  will  you?  Hold,  hold. 
Punt.  Sbloud  you  slaue,  you  Bandog  you. 

Car.  As   you  loue   God,  stay  the  enraged  knight,  Gentlemen. 
Punt.  By  my  knighthood,  hee  that  stirres  in  his  rescue,  dies, 
4060  Drawer  be  gone. 

Carl.  Murder,  murder,  murder. 

P  ij  Punt.  I 


[i  1 6]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Punt.    I,    are    you    houling    you  Wolfe?  Gentlemen,    as    you  8848 
tender  your  Hues,  suffer  no  man  to  enter,  till  my  reuenge  bee 
perfect.    Sirha  Buffone,   lie  downe;   make   no  exclamations,   but 
4065  downe;  downe  you  Curre,  or  I  will  make  thy  blood  flow  on  my 
Rapier  hilts: 

Carl.  Sweet  knight  hold    in    thy   furie,  and'fore  God   He  ho 
nour  thee  more  than  the  Turke  dos  Mahomet. 

Punt.  Downe  (I  say.)  Whose  there? 

4070      Const.  Here's  the  Constable,  open  the  dores.  Within. 

Carl.  Good  Macilente. 

Punt.  Open  no  dore,  if  the  Adalantado  of  Spaine  were  here: 
he  should  not  enter:   On,   helpe  me  with  the  light,  Gentlemen, 
you  knocke  in  vaine  sir  officer. 
4075      Carl.  Et  tu  Brute. 

Punt.  Sirha  close  your  lips,  or  I  will  drop  it  in  thine  eyes  by 
heauen. 

Carl.  O,O.  They  scale  vp  his  lips. 

Const.  Open  the  dore,  or  I  will  breake  it  open. 

4080      Mac.     Nay  good   Constable   haue   patience   a  little,   you  shall 
come  in  presently,  we  haue  almost  done. 

Punt.  So;  now,  are  you  out  of  your  humour  sir.  Shift  Gentle 
men.  They  all  draw  &  Exeunt. 

Enter  Constable  with  Officers,  and  stay  Briske.  Act.V.Sc.1^ 

4085      Const.   Lady  hold  vpon  this  gallant,  and  pursue  the  rest. 

Fast.  Lay  hold  on  me  sir!  for  what?  (panions. 

Const.  Mary  for  your  riot  here  sir,  with  the  rest  of  your  com- 
Fast.  My  riot!  God's  my  iudge,  take  heed  what  you  doe; 
Carlo,  did  I  offer  any  violence? 

4090      Const.  O  sir,  you  see  he  is  not  in  case  to  answere  you,  and  that 
makes  you  so  peramptorie. 

Fast.  Peremptorie,  Slife   I   appeale  to  the   Drawers,  if  I   did 
him  any  hard  measure.  Enter  George. 

Gorg.  They    are    all   gone,  there'snone  of   them  will  bee  laid 
4095  any  hold  on, 

Const.  Well  sir,  you  are  like   to  answere  till  the  rest  can  bee 
found  out. 

Fast.  Sbloud 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  humour.  [117] 

Fast.  S'bloud  I  appeale  to  George  here. 

Const.  Tut  George  was  not  here:  away  with  him  to  the  counter  3885 
4100  sirs.  Come  sir,  you  were  best  get  your  selfe  drest  somewhere. 

Exeunt.  Manent  two  Drawers. 

Georg.  Good   Lord,   that  master  Carlo  could  not  take  heed,  & 
knowing  what  a  Gentleman  the  Knight  is,  if  he  be   angrie. 

Drawer.  A  poxe  on  'hem,  they  haue  left  all  the  meate   on  our 
4io5  hands,  would  they  were  choakt  with  it  for  me. 

Enter  Macilente. 
Mac.  What,  are  they  gone  sirs? 
George.  O  here's  master  Macilente. 

Mac.  Sirrah  George,  do  you  see  that    concealment  there?    that 
4110  Napkin  vnder  the  table? 

George.  Gods  so',  Signior  Fungosol 

Mac.    Here's  a  good  pawne  for  the   reckoning;    be    sure  you 
keep  him  here,  &  let  him  not  go  away  til  I  come  again,  though 
he  offer  to  discharge  all;    Tie   returne   presently 
41 15       George.   Sirrah  we  haue  a  pawne  for  the  reckoning. 

Draw.  What?  of  Macilente'?  3goo 

Georg.  No;  looke  vnder  the  Table. 

Fung.  I  hope  all  be  quiet  now;  if  I  can  get  but  forth  of  this 
street,  I  care  not.  Masters,  I  pray  you  tell  me,  is  the  Constable 
4120  gone?  Lookes  out  vnder  the  Table. 

George.  What?  Master  Fungosol 

Fung.  Was't  not  a  good  deuise  the  same  of  me,  Sirs? 
George.  Yes  faith:  ha'  you  beene  here  all  this  while? 
Fung.  O  God  I:  good  sirs  looke  and  the  coast  be  cleare,  Fid 
4126  faine  be  going. 

George.   All's    cleare    Sir,    but   the    Reckoning;    and   that   you 
must  cleare  and  pay  before  you  goe,  I  assure  you. 

Fung.  I  pay?  S'light,   I  eate  not  a  bit  since  I  came  into  the 
house  yet. 

4i3o      Draw.  Why,  you  may  when  you  please  sir,   tis  all  readie  be 
low  that  was  bespoken. 

Fung.  Bespoken,  not  by  me  I  hope. 

Geo.  By  you  sir?  I  know  not  that:  but  t'was  for  you  and  your 

P  iij  compa- 


[x  !g]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

companie,  I  am  sure. 
4135      Fung.  My  company?  S'lid  I  was  an  inuited  guest,  so  I  was. 

Draw.  Faith  we  haue  nothing  to  doe  with  that  Sir,  they're  all 
gone  but  you,  and  wee  musv  be  answer'd;  that's  the  short  and 
they  long  on't. 

Fung.  Nay,  if  you  will  grow  to  extremities,  my  Masters,  then 
4140  would  this  Pot,  Cup,  and  all  were  in  my  belly,  if  I  haue  a  crosse 
about  me. 

Georg.  What,  and  haue  such  Apparell?  Doe  not  say  so,  Sig- 
nior,  that  mightily  discredits  your  cloathes. 

Fung.   By   lesu  the  Taylor  had  all  my  money  this  morning, 
4145  and  yet  I  must  be  faine  to  alter  my  Sute  too:  good  Sirs,  let  me 
goe,  'tis  Friday  night;  and  in  good  truth  I  haue  no-stomack  in 
the  world  to  eate  any  thing. 
Draw.  That's  no  matter  so  you  pay  Sir. 

Fung.   Pay?  Gods   light,   with  what  conscience  can  you   aske 
4i5o  me  to  pay  that  I  neuer  dranke  for? 

Georg.  Yes  Sir,  I  did  see  you  drinke  once. 

Fung.  By  this  Cup  (which  is  siluer]  but  you  did  not,  you  doe 
me  infinite  wrong,  I  look't  in  the  pot  once  indeed,  but  I  did 
not  drinke. 

4i55      Draw.  Well  sir,  if  you  can  satisfie  my  Maister,  it  shall  be  all 
one  to  vs.  By  and  by.  One  calls  George  within. 

Exeunt. 
G  RE  X. 

Cord.  Loose  not  your  selfe  now,  Signior' 
4160  Enter  Macilente  and  Deliro.  Act.V.Sc.8. 

Mad.  Tut  sir,  you  did  beare  too  hard  a  conceit  of  me  in  that, 

but  I  will  now  make  my  loue  to  you  most  transparant,  in  spight 

of  any  dust  of  suspition,  that  may  be  raised  to  dimme  it:  and 

henceforth  since.  I  see  it  is  so  against  your  Humor,  I  will  neuer 

4i65  labour  to  persuade  you. 

Deli.  Why  I  thanke  you  Signior,  but  what's  that  you  tell 
me  may  concerne  my  peace  so  much? 

Mac.  Faith  sir,  'tis  thus.  Your  wiues  brother  Signior  Fnngoso 
beeing  at  supper  to  night  at  a  Tauerne  with  a  sort  of  Gallants: 

there 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  humour.  [119] 

4170  there  happened  some  diuision  amongst'hem,  and  he  is  left  in 
pawne  for  the  Reckoning:  now  if  euer  you  look  that  time  shall 
present  you  with  a  happie  occasion  to  doe  your  wife  some  gra 
cious  &  acceptable  seruice,  take  hold  of  this  opportunitie,  and 
presently  go  and  redeeme  him;  for  being  her  brother,  and  his 
4175  credit  so  amply  engaged  as  now  it  is,  when  she  shall  heare  (as 
he  cannot  himselfe,  but  hee  must  of  extremitie  report  it)  that 
you  came  and  offered  your  self  so  kindly,  and  with  that  respect 
of  his  Reputation,  S'lud  the  benefit  cannot  but  make  her  dote, 
and  grow  mad  of  your  affections. 

4180      Deli.   Now  by  heauen  Macilentt,  I  acknowledge  my  selfe  ex-  3g58 
ceedingly  indebted  to  you,   by  this   kind  tender  of  your    loue; 
and  I  am  sorry  to  remember  that  I  was  euer  so  rude  to  neglect 
a  friend  of  your  worth,  bring  me  shoes  and  a  cloke  there,  I  was 
going  to  bed  if  you  had  not  come,  what  Tauerne  is  it? 
4i85      Mac.  The  Mitre  sir. 

Deli.  O;  why  Fido,  my  shoes.  Good  faith  it  cannot  but  please 
her  exceedingly.  Enter  Fallace. 

Fall.  Come,  I  marl'e  what  peece  of  nightworke  you   haue  in 
hand  now,  that  you  call  for  your  cloake  and  your  shoes:  what 
4190  is  this  your  Pandor? 

Deli.  O  sweet  wife  speake  lower,  I  would  not  he  should  heare 
thee  for  a  world- 
Fa//.  Hang  him  rascall,  I  cannot  abide  him  for  his  treacherie, 
with    his    wild    quicke-set  beard    there.   Whither  goe  you  now 
4196  with  him? 

Deli.  No  whither  with  him  deare  wife,  I  go  alone  to  a  place, 

from   whence  I   will   returne  instantly.   Good  Macilente  aquaint 

not  her  with  it  by  any  meanes,  it  may  come  so  much  the  more 

accepted,  frame   some   other  answere,  Fie  come  backe  immedi- 

4200  atly.  Exit  Deliro. 

Fall.  Nay,  and  I  be  not  worthie  to  know  whither  you  go,  stay 
till  I  take  knowledge  of  your  comming  backe. 
Mac.  Heare  you  Mistres  Deliro. 
Fall.  So  sir,  and  what  say  you? 

4205      Mac.  Faith  Ladie,  my  intents  will  not  deserue  this  slight  re 
spect 


[i2o]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

spect,  when  you  shall  know  'hem.  (sake? 

Fall.  Your  intents?  why,  what  may  your  intent  be  for   Gods  3g82 
Mac.  Troth  the    time  allows  no  circumstance    Lady,  therfore 
know,  this  was  but  a  deuise  to  remoue  your  husband  hence,  & 
4210  bestow  him    securely,  whil'st  (with  more  conueniencie)  I  might 
report  to  you  a  misfortune    that    hath    happened    to    Monsieur 
Briske\   nay  comfort  sweet  Lady.   This  night   (being   at   supper) 
a  sort  of  young  Gallants  committed  a  Riot,  for  the   which    he 
(only)  is  apprehended  and  carried  to  the  Counter,  where  if  your 
42i5  husband  and  other   Creditors   should    but    haue    knowledge    of 
him,  the  poore  Gentleman  were  vndone  for  euer. 
Fall.  Ay  me,  that  he  were. 

Mad.    Now    therefore,    if  you    can  thinke    vpon   any  present 
meanes  for  his  deliuerie,  do  not  foreslow  it:  A  bribe  to  the  Of- 
4220  ftcer  that  committed  him,  will  doe  it. 

Fall.  O  God  sir,  he  shall  not  want  for  a  bribe;  pray  you,  will 
you  commend  me  to  him,  and  say  I'le  visite  him  presently. 

Mac.  No  Lady,  I  shall  do  you   better  seruice  in  protracting 
your  husbands  returne,  that  you  may  goe  with  more  safetie. 
4225  Exit. 

Fall.  Good  truth  so  you  may;  farewell  good  sir.  Lord  how  a 
woman  may  be  mistaken  in  a  man?  I  would  haue  sworne  vpon 
all  the  Testaments  in  the  world  he  had  not  lou'd  master  Briske. 
Bring  me  my  keyes  there  mayd:  Alasse  good  Gentleman,  if  all 
423o  I  haue  i'  this  earthly  world  will  pleasure  him,  it  shall  be  at  his 
seruice.  Exit. 

G  R  EX. 

Mit.  How  Macilente  sweats  i'  this  businesse,  if  you  mark  him 
Cord.  I,  you  shall  see   the  true  picture  of  spight   anon,  here 
4235  comes  the  Pawne  and  his  Redeemer. 

Enter  Deliro,  Fungoso,  Drawer  following  them.  Act.  V.Sc.g. 

Deli.  Come  brother,  be  not  discourag'd  for  this  man,  what? 
Draw.  No  truly,   I  am  "not  discourag'd,  but  I  protest  to  you, 
Brother,   I   haue    done  imitating   anie    more    Gallants  either    in 
4240  purse  or  apparell,   but  as   shall  become  a  Gentleman   for  good 
carriage  or  so. 

Deli.  You 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [121] 

Deli.  You  say  well.  This  is  all  i'the  bill  here?  is't  not?      "  £..          4018 
Georg.  I  Sir. 

Deli.  There's  your  money,  tell   it:   and  Brother,   I   am  glad  I 
4245  met  with  so  good  occasion  to  shew  my  loue  to  you. 

Fung.  I  will  studie  to  deserue  it  in  good  truth,  and  I  Hue. 
Deli.  What  is't  right? 

Gcor.  I  Sir,  and  I  thanke  you.  (is  paid. 

Fung.  Let  me  haue  a  Capons  legge  sau'd,  now  the  reckoning 
4260      Geor.  You  shall  Sir.  Exit.  Enter  Mad. 

Mad.  Where's  Signior  Delirol 
Deli.  Here  Madlente. 

Mad.  Harke  you  sir,  ha'you  dispatcht  this  same? 
Deli.  I. marry  haue  T. 

4255      Mad.  Well  then,  I  can  tell  you  news,  Briske  is  i'the  Counter. 
Deli.  I'the  Counter? 

Mac.  'Tis  true  Sir,  committed  for  the  stirre  here  to  night.  4080 
Now  would  I  haue  you  send  your  brother  home  afore,  with  the 
report  of  this  your  kindnesse  done  him  to  his  sister,  which  will 
4260  so  pleasingly  possesse  her,  and  out  of  his  mouth  too,  that  i'the 
meane  time  you  may  clap  your  Action  on  Briske,  and  your  wife 
(being  in  so  happie  a  mood)  cannot  entertaine  it  ill  by  any 
meanes. 

Deli.  'Tis  very  true,  she  cannot  indeed,  I  thinke. 

4265      Mac.    Thinke?    why'ts    past    thought,   you    shall    neuer    meete 
the  like  opportunitie,  I  assure  you. 

Deli.  I  will  do  it.  Brother  pray  you  go  home  afore,  this  Gent, 
and  I  haue  some  priuate  businesse;  and  tell  my  sweet  wife,  He 
come  presently. 
4270      Fung.  I  will  Brother. 

Mad.   And    Signior,    acquaint    your   sister,   how  liberally  and 
out  of  his   bountie,  your  brother  has  vs'd  you.  (Doe  you  see?) 
made  you    a  man   of   good    Reckoning;    redeem'd  that    you   ne 
uer  were  possest  of,  Credit;  gaue   you   as    Gentlemanlike   terms 
4275  as  might  be;  found  no  fault  with  your  comming  behind  the  fa 
shion;  nor  nothing. 
Fung.  Nay  I  am  out  of  those  Humors  now. 

Q  Mac.  Well, 

[LINGE'S  QUARTO] 


[I22]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor. 

Mad.  Well,  if  you  be  out,  keepe  your  distance,  and  bee  not 
made  a  Shot-clog  no  more.  Come  Sig.  let's  make  hast.  Exeunt. 
4280  Enter  Briske  and  Fallace.  Act.V.Sc. 

Fall.  O  maister  Fastidius,  what  pittie  is't  to  see  so  sweet  a  man 
as  you  are  in  so  soure  a  place?  and  kisse  him. 

G  R  E  X. 

Cord.  {As  vpon  her  lips  do's  shee  meane? 
4235      Mit.     JO,  this  is  to  be  imagin'd  the  Counter  belike? 

Fast.  Troth  faire  Lady,  'tis  first  the  pleasure  of  the  Fates,  and 
next  of  the  Constable  to  haue  it  so,  but,  I  am  pacient,  &  indeed 
comforted  the  more  in  your  kind  visitation. 

Fall.  Nay,  you  shall   be   comforted  in  me  more  than  this,  if 
4290  you  please  Sir.    I  sent  you  word  by  my  brother  Sir,  that  my  hus 
band  laid  to  rest  you  this  morning,  I  know  not  whether  you  re- 
ceiu'd  it,  or  no? 

Fast.  No  beleeue  it,  sweet  Creature,  your   Brother  gaue  mee 
no  such  intelligence. 
4295      Fall.  O  the  Lord! 

Fast.  But  has  your  husband  any  such  purpose? 
Fall.  O  God  Maister  Briske,  yes:  and  therefore   be  presently 
discharg'd;  for  if  he  come  with  his  Actions  vpon  you  (Lord  de- 
liuer  you)  you  are  in  for  one  halfe  a  score  yeare;  he  kept  a  poore 
43oo  man  in  Ludgate  once,  twelue  year  for  sixteene  shillings.  Where's 
your  keeper,  for  Gods  loue  call  him,  let  him  take  a  bribe,  and 
dispatch  you,  Lord  how  my  heart  trembles!  here  are  no  spies? 
are  there? 

Fast.  No  sweete  mistresse,  why  are  you  in  this  passion. 

43o5  Fall.  O  Christ  Maister  Fastidius,  if  you  knew  how  I  tooke  vp  4075 
my  husband  to  day,  when  he  said  he  would  arrest  you;  and  how 
I  rail'd  at  him  that  persuaded  him  to't,  the  scholer  there,  fwho 
on^my  conscience  loues  you  now,)  &  what  care  I  tooke  to  send 
you  intelligence  by  my  brother;  and  how  I  gaue  him  foure  So- 
43io  ueraignes  for  his  paines;  and  now,  how  I  came  running  out 
hether  without  man  or  boy  with  mee,  so  soone  as  I  heard  on't; 
you'ld  say,  I  were  in  a  passion  indeed:  your  keeper  for  Gods 
sake/O  master  Brisk  (as  'tis  in  Euphues)  Hard  is  the  choise,  whs  on  is 

compelled 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 

compelled  either  by  silence  to  die  with  grief,  or  by  speaking  to  Hue  with 
43i4bis  shame. 

43i5      Fast.  Faire  Ladie  I  conceiue  you,  and  may  this  kisse  assure 
you,  that  where  Aduersitie  hath  (as   it  were,)  contracted,   Pros- 
peritie  shall  not — Gods  light  your  Husband. 
Fall.  O  mee! 

Enter  Deliro.  Macilente.  Act.V.Sc.H 

4320      Deli.  I?  is't  thus! 

Mad  Why   how   now   Signior   Delirot    has   the    Wolfe    scene 
you?  ha?  hath  Gorgons  head  made  marble  on  you? 
Deli.  Some  planet  strike  me  dead. 

Mad.  Why  looke  you  Sir,  I  told   you,  you   might  haue   sus- 

4325  pected  this  long  afore,  had  you  pleas'd;  and  ha'sau'd  this  labour 

of  Admiration  now,   and    Passion;   and  such  extremities   as  this 

fraile  lumpe  of  flesh  is  subiect  vnto.  Nay,  why  do  you  not  dote 

now   Signior?   Mee   thinkes   you   should    say  it  were    some   En- 

chauntment,  Deceptio  visus,  or  so,  ha?  if  you  could  persuade  your 

433o  selfe  it  were  a   dreame  now,   ,twere    excellent:    faith   trie   what 

you    can    doe    Signior;    it  may  bee    your   Imagination  will  bee 

brought  to  it  in  time,  there's  nothing  impossible. 

Fall.  Sweet  Husband? 

Deli.  Out  lasciuious  Strumpet.  Exit  Deliro. 

4335  Mad'  What?  did  you  see  how  ill  that  stale  vain  became  him  4108 
afore,  of  Sweete  Wife,  and  Deare  heart?  and  are  you  fame 
iust  into  the  same  now?  with  Sweete  Husband.  A  way,  follow 
him,  goe,  keepe  state:  what?  Remember  you  are  a  woman:  turn 
impudent:  gi'him  not  the  head,  though  you  gi'him  the  homes, 
4340  Away.  Exit  Fallace. 

And  yet  me  thinks  you  should  take  your    leaue  of  Infans-perdus 
here,  your  forlorne  hope.  How  now  Mounsieur  Brisk:  what?  Fri 
day  at  night?  &  in  affectio  too?  &  yet  your  Pulpamenta?  your  de 
licate  morsels:   I   perceiue  the   affection  of  Ladies   and   Gentle- 
4345  women,  pursues  you  wheresoeuer  you  go  Mounsieur. 
"deest  \      FasL  Now  in  good  faith  fand  as  I  am  Gentle)  there  could  not 
haue  come   a  thing  i'  this  world  to  haue  distracted  mee  more 
than  the  wrinckled  fortunes  of  this  poore  Dame. 

Q    ii  Mad.  O 


[124]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.  [LUGE'S 

435o      Mad.   O  yes    Sir:   I   can  tell    you  a  thing  will    distract    you  4117 
much  better,  beleeue  it.  Signior  Deliro  has  entred  three  Actions 
against  you,  three  Actions  Mounsieur:  marry  one  of  them  (He 
put  you  in  comfort)  is  but  three  thousand  mark,  and  the  other 
two  some  fiue  thousand  pound  together,  trifles,  trifles. 

4355      Fast.  O  God,  I  am  vndone. 

Mad.  Nay  not  altogether  so  Sir,  the  Knight  must  haue  his 
hundred  pound  repai'd,  that  '11  helpe  too,  and  then  sixscore 
pound  for  a  Diamond:  you  know  where?  these  be  things  will 
weigh  Mounsieur;  they  will  weigh. 

4360      Fast.  O  lesu! 

Mad.  What  doe  you  sigh?  this  it  is  to  kisse  the  hand  of  a 
Countesse,  to  haue  hir  Coach  sent  for  you,  to  hang  Poniards  in 
Ladies  garters,  to  weare  Bracelets  of  their  haire,  and  for  eiiery 
one  of  these  great  fauours  to  giue  some  slight  lewell  of  fiue 

4365  hundred  crovvnes,  or  so,  why'tis  nothing.  Now  Mounsieur,  you 
see  the  plague  that  treads  o'  the  heeles  of  your  fopperie,  well, 
goe  your  waies  in;  Remoue  your  selfe  to  the  two-penny  ward 
quickly  to  saue  charges,  and  there  set  vp  your  rest  to  spend  Sir 
Puntars  hundred  pound  for  him.  Away  good  Pomardo,  goe. 

4370  Exit  Briske. 

Why  here's  a  change:  Now  is  my  soule  at  peace,  4i35 

I  am  as  empty  of  all  Enuie  now, 

As  they  merrit  to  be  enuied  at, 

My  Humor  (like  a  flame)  no  longer  lasts  4i38 

4375  Than  it  hath  stuffe  to  feed  it,  and  their  vertue, 
Being  now  rak't  vp  in  embers  of  their  Folly, 
Affordsno  ampler  Subiect  to  my  Spirit ; 

I  am  so  farre  from  malicing  their  states,  4142 

That  I  begin  to  pittie  them:  it  greeues  me 

438o  To  thinke  they  haue  a  being',  I  could  wish 

They  might  turne  wise  vpon  it,  and  be  sau'd  now, 
So  Heauen  were  pleas'd:  but  let  them  vanish  Vapors. 
And  now  with  Aspers  tongue  (though  not  his  shape,) 
Kind  Patrons  of  our  sports  (you  that  can  iudge, 

4385  And  with  discerning  thoughts  measure  the  space 

Of 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humour.  I"1 25] 

Of  our  straunge  Muse  in  this  her  Maze  of  Humor. 

You,  whose  true  Notions  doe  confine  the  formes 

And  nature  of  sweet  Poesie]  to  you 

I  tender  solemne  and  most  dureous  thanks, 
4390  For  your  stretcht  patience  and  attentiue  grace. 

We  know  (and  we  are  pleas'd  to  know  so  much) 

The  Gates  that  you  haue  tasted  were  not  season'd 

For  euery  vulgar  Pallat,  but  prepar'd 

To  banket  pure  and  apprehensiue  eares: 
43g5  Let  then  their  Voices  speake  for  our  desert; 

Be  their  Applause  the  Trumpet  to  proclaime 

Defiance  to  rebelling  Ignorance, 

And  the  greene  spirits  of  some  tainted  Few, 

That  fspight  of  pittie)  betray  themselues 
4400  To  Scorne  ond  Laughter;  and  like  guiltie  Children, 

Publish  their  ittfande  before  their  time, 

By  their  owne  fond  exception:  Such  as  these 

We  pawne  'hem  to  your  censure,  tell  Time,  Wit, 

Or  Obseruation,  set  some  stronger  scale 
4406  Of  Judgement  on  their  iudgements;  and  entreat 

The  happier  spirits  in  this  faire  fild  Globe, 

(So  many  as  haue  sweet  minds  in  their  breasts, 

And  are  too  wise  to  thinke  themselues  are  taxt 

In  any  generall  Figure,  or  to  vertuous 
4410  To  need  that  wisedomes  imputation:) 

That  with  their  bounteous  Hands  they  would  confirme 

This,  as  their  pleasures  Patient:  which  so  sign'd, 

Our  leaue  nnd  spent  Endeuours  shall  renue 

Their  Beauties  with  the  Spring  to  smile  on  you. 


44i5  FINIS. 


[I26]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humor. 


IT  had  another  Catastrophe  or  Conclusion,  at  the  first  Playing: 
which  (DIA.  TO  TEN  BASILISSAN  PROSOPOPOESTHAI)  many 
seem'd   not  tr>  rellish  it;  and  therefore  'twas  since   altered:  yet 
that  a  right-eyd  and  solide  Reader  may  perceiue    it  was  not  so 
4420  great  a  part  of  the  Heauen  awry,  as  they  would  make  it;  we  re 
quest  him   but  to   looke   downe  vpon   these  following   Reasons. 

r,i 

1  There  hath  bene   President  of  the    like    Presentation    in    diners 
Playes:  and  is  yeerely  in  our  Citie  Pageants  or  shewes  of  Tri- 

4425       umph. 

2  It  is  to  be  conceitCd,  that  Macilente  being  so  strongly  possest  with 
Enuie,  (as  the  Poet  here  makes  him)  it  must  be  no  sleight  or  com 
mon  Obiect,  that  should  effect  so  sodaine  and  strange  a  cure  vpon 

%£t  !       him,  as  the  Putting  him  cleane  out  of  his  Humour. 

3  If  his  Imagination  had  discourst  the  whole  world  ouer  for  an  Ob 
iect,  it  could  not  haue  met  with  a  more  Proper,  Eminent,  or  wor 
thy    Figure,    than    that   of  her    Maiestics:    which    his    Election 
(though  boldly,  yet  respectiuely]  vs'd   to  a-  Morall  and  Mysteri- 

4435  ous  end. 

4  His  greedinesse  to  catch  at  any  occasion,  that  might  expresse  his 
*«/  1  affection  to  his  Soueraigne,  may  worthily  plead  for  him. 

5  There  was  nothing  (in  his  examined  opinion)    that   could    more 
4440  neare  or  truly  exemplifie  the  Power  and  strength  of  her  inualuable 

Vertues,  then  the  working  of  so  Perfect  a  Miracle  on  so  opposed  a 
Spirit,  who  not  only  persisted  in  his  Humor,  but  was  now  come 
to  the  Court,  with  a  purposed  resolution  (his  Soule  as  it  were  now 
drest  in  Enuie,)  to  maligne  at  any  thing  that  should  front  him:  when 
4445  sodainly  (against  expectation,  and  all  steele  of  his  Malice)  the  ve 
ry  wonder  of  her  Presence  strikes  him  to  the  earth  dumbe,  and 
astonisht.  From  whence  rising  and  recouering  heart,  his  Passion 
thus  vtters  it  selfe. 


4449 
(Uest 


445o      Mad.  Blesse,  Diuine,  Vnblemisht.  Sacred,  Pure, 
Glorious  immortall,  and  indeed  Immense; 
O  that  I  had  a  world  of  Attributes, 

To 


QUARTO]  Euery  man  out  of  Ms  Humour.  [127] 

To  lend  or  adde  to  this  high  Maiestie: 

Neuer  till  now  did  Obiect  greet  mine  eyes  4169 

4455  With  any  light  Content:  but  in  her  Graces 

All  my  mahtious  Powers  haue  lost  their  stings: 

Enuie  is  fled  my  Soule  at  sight  of  her, 

And  shee  hath  chac'd  all  blackc  thoughts  from  my  bosome, 

Like  as  the  Sunne  doth  darknesse  from  the  world. 
4460  My  streame  of  Humor  is  run  out  of  me: 

And  our  Citties  Torrent  (bent  t'infect 

The  hallow'd  bowels  of  the  siluer  Thames) 

Is  checkt  by  strength  and  clearenesse  of  the  Riuers, 

Till  it  hath  spent  it  selfe  e'ene  at  the  shore? 
4465  So  in  the  ample  and  vnmeasur'd  Flood 

Of  her  Perfections,  are  my  Passions  drown'd: 

And  I  haue  now  a  spirit  as  sweet  and  cleere, 

As  the  most  rarefi'd  and  subtill  Aire; 

With  which,  and  with  a  heart  as  pure  as  Fire, 
4470  (Yet  humble  as  the  Earth,)  doe  I  implore,  He  kneeles. 

O  Heauen:  that  Shee  (whose  Figure  hath  effected 

This  change  in  me}  may  neuer  suffer  Change 

In  her  Admir'd  and  happie  Gouernment: 

May  still  this  Hand  be  call'd  Fortunate, 
4475  And  Rugged  Treason  tremble  at  the  sound 

When  Fame  shall  speake  it  with  an  Emphasis. 

Let  forraine  Pollicie  be  dull  as  Lead, 

And  pale  Inuasion  come  withjialfe  a  heart 

When  he  but  lookes  vpon  her  blessed  Soile: 
4480  The  Throat  of  Warre  be  stopt  within  her  Land, 

And  Turtle-footed  Peace  daunce  fairie  Rings 

About  her  Court;  where  neuer  may  there  come 

Suspect  or  Daunger,  but  all  Trust  and  Safetie: 

Let  Flatterie  be  dumbe,  and  Enuie  blind 
4485  In  her  dread  Presence:  Death  himselfe  admire  her: 

And  may  her  Vertues  make  him  to  forget 

The  vse  of  his  ineuitable  hand. 

Fly  from  her  Age;  Sleepe  Time  before  her  Throne, 

Our 


[i  28]  Euery  man  out  of  his  Humor.         "  [LWGB-S  QUARTO] 

Our  strongest  wall  fals  downe  when  she  is  gone.  42<>4 

4490  Here  the  Trumpets  sound  a  flourish,  in  which  time  Macilente 

conuerts  himselfe  to  them  that  supply  the  place  of 
44<)ib««  GREX,  and  speakes. 

G  R  E  X. 

Mac.  How  now  sirs?  how  like  you  it?  has't  not  bene  tedious?  4147 
Cor.  Nay,  we  ha'  done  censuring  now. 

4495      Mit.  Yes  faith.  4180 

Mac.  How  so? 

Cor.   Mary  because   we'le    imitate    your    Actors,    and  be   out 
of  our   Humors.   Besides,   here  are  those  (round  about  you)  of 
more  abilitie  in  Censure  then  we,   whose  Judgements  can  giue 
4600  it  a  more  satisfying  Allowance:  wee'le  referre  you  to  them. 

Mac.   I?  is't  e'en   so?  Well,   Gentlemen,   I  should    haue   gone 
in,  and  return'd  to  you  as  I  was  Asper  at  the  first:  but  (by  reason 
the  shift  would  haue  bene  somewhat  long,  and  we  are  loth  to 
draw  your  patience   any  farder)  wee'le  intreat  you   to   imagine 
45o5  it.   And  now  (that  you  may  see   I  will  be  out  of  Humor    for 
company,)  I   stand  wholly  to  your   kind    Approbation,    and    (in- 
deedj  am  nothing  so    peremptorie   as    I   was    in   the   beginning: 
Marie  I  will  not  do  as  Plautus  in  his  Amphitryo  for  ail  this  (Sum- 
mi  louis  causa,  Plaudite:)  begge  a  Plaudite  for  Gods  sake;  but  if 
45io  you  (out  of  the  bountie   of  your  good  liking)    will    bestow   it; 
why,  you  may  (in  time,)  make  leane  Macilente  as  fat  as  Sir  lohn 
45»bu  Fall-staffe. 

Exeunt. 


ego     ventosce    plebis    suffragia     venor 


Materialien  zur  Kunde 

des 
alteren  Englischen  Dramas 


Iflaterialien  zur  Kunde 

des  alteren  Englisehen  Dramas 

UNTER  MITWIRKUNG  DER  HERREN 


F.  S.  Boas-LoNDON,  A.  Brandl-Bf-RLiN,  R.  Brotanek-WiEN,  F.  I.  Carpen'.er- 
CHICAGO,  Ch.  Crawford-LoNDON,  G.  U.  Churchill-AMHERST,  W.  Creizenach- 
KRAKAU,  E.  Eckhardt-pREiuuRG  I.  B.,  A.  Feuillerat-RENNES,  R.  Fischer- 
INNSBRUCK,  W.  W.  Greg- LONDON,  F.  Holthausen-KiEL,  J.  Hoops-HninELBERG, 
W.  Keller-jENA,  R.  B.  Me  Kerrow-LoNDON,  G.  L.  Kittredge-CAMBRinGE, 
MASS.,  E.  Koeppel-STRASSBURG,  J.  Le  Gay  Brereton-SlDNEY,  H.  Logeman- 
GENT,  J.  M.  Manly-CiiiCAGO.  G.  Sarrazin-BRESLAU,  f  L.  Proescholdt-FRiED- 
RlCHSPORF,  A.  Schroer-CuLN,  G.  C.  Moore  Smith-SHEFFIELD,  G.  Gregory 
Smith-BELFAST,  A.  E.  H.  Swaen-GRONiNGEN,  A.  H.  Thorndike-EvANSTON, 
ILL.,  A.  Wagner-HALLE  A.  S. 

BEGRUENDET   UND    HERAUSGEGEBEN 


VON 


W.  BANG 

o.  6.  Professor  der  Englisehen  Philologie  an  der  Universitat  Louvain 


ACHTZEHNTER  BAND 


LOUVAIN 

A.  UYSTPRUYST 


LEIPZIG 


O.  HARRASSOWITZ 


LONDON 

DAVID  NUTT 


1907 


ANTHONY  BREWER'S 


THE   LOVE-SICK  KING 


EDITED 


FROM  THE  QUARTO  OF  i655 


BY 


A.  E.  H.  Swaen. 


V> 


LOUVAIN 

A.  UYSTPRUYST 


LEIPZIG 

O.  HARRASSOWITZ 


LONDON 

DAVID  NUTT 


1907 


INTRODUCTION. 

§  i  TEXT.  The  present  edition  is  printed  from  a  copy  in  the 
Royal  Library  at  The  Hague.  Before  it  was  acquired  for  this  col 
lection  it  belonged  to  Frederic  Perkins  Esq.  of  Chipstead  Place, 
Kent,  whose  bookplate  is  on  the  inside  of  the  cover,  and  it  formed 
part  of  the  Bridgewater  Library  as  is  evident  from  a  printed  notice 
at  the  foot  of  the  list  of  Dramatis  Personae.  The  copy  is  a  good  one 
except  that  the  binder  has  cut  off  too  much  at  the  lower  edge,  in 
consequence  of  which  piece  of  Vandalism  some  words  have  become 
indistinct  and  others  have  been  clipped  off  altogether.  Dr.  B.  A.  P. 
van  Dam  has  kindly  written  out  for  me  the  bottom  lines  of  every 
page  from  the  copy  in  the  British  Museum  (644  b.  4',  which,  wher 
ever  this  was  necessary,  I  have  printed  enclosed  in  square  brackets. 
Unfortunately,  however,  that  copy  has  also  suffered  slightly  at  the 
hands  of  the  bookbinder.  Of  «  A  3  usurper  »  only  the  tops  are 

visible.  Of  «  B  from  »,  entire  in  the  copy  I  have  used,  only 
the  greater  part  of  «  B  »  and  the  top  of  the  «  f  »  of  «  from  »  have 
been  spared.  Only  the  tops  of  «  Har  »  on  Bv  have  escaped  destruc 
tion.  «  B  2  mous  »  wants  the  lower  part  of  the  letters.  «  B  3 
under  »  is  so  indistinct  that  Dr.  van  Dam  reads  «  A  3  ».  I  have 
printed  «  B  3  »  with  the  addition  of  a  mark  of  interrogation  ;  of 
course  the  possibility  of  a  misprint  in  the  signature  is  not  excluded, 
but  where  in  one  copy  this  signature  is  entirely  wanting  and  in  the 
other  has  dwindled  down  to  little  more  than  a  dot  I  thought  it 
safest  to  retain  the  B.  The  catchword  on  B  3V  seems  to  be  «  Thorn  » 
in  the  British  Museum  copy  but  may  be  «  Thor.  »  as  the  name  is 
sometimes  written,  e.  g.  F  2.  The  period  after  «  Alu  »  on  C  2"  is 
very  indistinct.  «  ward  »  on  D  3V  is  entirely  wanting  in  either 
copy.  There  is  only  a  slight  trace  of  G  in  the  British  Museum  copy, 
and  the  catchword  is  wanting  in  both. 

On  the  whole  the  text  is  a  good  one,  the  number  of  misprints  not 
being  very  great.  The  original  has  been  scrupulously  followed  in 
all  details,  except  that  a  modern  s  has  been  printed  instead  of  the 
old-fashioned  long  f.  At  the  end  of  this  Introduction  the  reader  will 
find 'a  list  of  all  the  misprints  occurring  in  the  original  except  such 
as  for  some  reason  or  other  are  mentioned  in  the  notes. 


VI 

The  lines  agree  in  every  respect  with  the  original.  The  stage 
directions  are  as  much  as  possible  in  the  same  place  as  in  the  origi 
nal.  In  the  case  of  the  catchwords  this  was  not  always  easy  as  the 
old  printers  did  not  scruple  to  make  a  line  project  beyond  the  pre 
ceding  ones;  thus,  in  the  original,"  who»at  the  bottom  of  A  3T  stands 
more  to  the  right  by  its  own  breadth-  For  the  rest  I  refer  the  reader 
to  pp.  xvin  and  xix  of  Mr.  R.  B.  Me  Kerrow's  edition  of  The  Devil's 
Charter  (Materialien  VI)  :  what  is  said  there  virtually  applies  to  every 
reprint  of  an  old  text.  —  The  utmost  care  has  been  bestowed  upon 
the  correction  of  the  proofsheets.  The  revises  have  been  read  by 
two  of  my  colleagues  whom  I  here  thank  for  their  help. 

8  2  DATE  AND  AUTHOR.  The  play  was  printed  in  i655  and 
revived  at  the  King's  Theatre  in  1680.  In  the  course  of  the  same 
year  it  is  said  to  have  been  reprinted  under  the  title  of  The  Perjured 
Nun,  4°.  I  have  never  seen  this  play  and  have  not  succeeded  in  my 
attempts  to  discover  a  copy.  Neither  in  the  library  of  the  British 
Museum  nor  in  the  Bodleian  is  there  a  copy  of  it. 
-  The  Lovesick  King  was  included  by  Chetwood  in  his  Select  Collec 
tion  of  Old  Plays  (Dublin,  1750).  Kirkman,  Baker,  and  Halliwell 
have  identified  Anth.  Brewer  with  the  T.  B.  (supposed  to  stand  for 
Tony  Brewer  !)  whose  name  is  on  title-page  of  The  Country  Girl 
(1647,  4°),  a  play  of  much  higher  standard  than  The  Lovesick  King, 
and  who  may  be  identical  with  Thomas  Brewer.  Owing  to  a 
wrong  interpretation  of  the  blanks  in  Kirkman's  Catalogue,  Lingua 
has  long  been  ascribed  to  Brewer.  The  Merry  Devil  of  Edmonton  has 
also  been  ascribed  to  our  author,  owing  to  a  mixing  up  of  the 
names  of  Anthony  and  Thomas  Brewer,  and  of  the  title  of  the  play 
with  that  of  Thomas  Brewer's  prose  tract «  The  Merry  Devil ».  These 
particulars,  which  I  owe  to  the  Dictionary  of  National  Biography 
is  about  all  that  we  know  both  of  the  play  and  the  writer  <*).  Thus 
much  only  is  certain  that  Brewer  must  have  been  well  acquainted 
with  the  local  history  of  Newcastle  :  he  knew  not  only  the  half 
authentic  half  legendary  history  of  Thornton  but  also  the  local  pro 
verb  connected  with  his  name.  Of  course  this  need  not  necessarily 
point  to  his  being  a  native  of  Newastle,  but  it  makes  it  very  proba 
ble  rthat  he  resided  there  for  some  time.  Moreover,  the  interest  of 
the  play  is  so  local  that  one  cannot  help  thinking  that  it  must  have 
been  written  for  a  Newcastle  audience.  Unfortunately  we  are  here 

*)  Cp.  Halliwel,  A  Diet,  of  Old  English  Plays,  1860,  p.  i54.  —  W.  Carew 
Hazlitt,  A  Manual  for  the  Collector  and  Amateur  of  Old  English  Plays,  1892, 
p.  1 4 1.  —  Ward,  English  Dramatic  Literature,  1899,  III.  174, 175. 


VII 

transgressing  on  the  domain  of  guesses.  Mr.  Richard  Welford,  the 
well-known  antiquary  of  Newcastle,  author  «  Men  of  Mark  'twixt 
Tyne  and  Tweed »  informs  me  that  after  a  diligent  search  he  has 
utterly  failed  to  find  any  trace  of  the  name  of  Ant.  Brewer.  In  a 
reply  in  Notes  and  Queries  loth  S.  ii.  468  he  says  that  he  has  found 
no  record  of  our  play. 

As  regards  the  date  at  which  the  play  was  written  we  are  utterly  in 
the  dark  :  the  only  thing  we  can  say  is  that  it  must  have  been  writ 
ten  long  before  it  was  printed,  but  nothing  in  the  play  gives  us  any 
certain  clue  to  the  year. 

Whether  the  play  on  «  Canute"  mentioned  by  Henslowe  in  i5gy 
has  any  connection  with  our  play  is,  to  say  the  least  of  it,  doubtful  (*). 
In  Mr.  Greg's  new  edition  of  the  Diary  the  entry  is  as  follows  : 

the  xi  of  octobre  begane  my  lord  admerals  &  my  lord  of  pen- 
brockes  men  to  playe  at  my  howsse  1679. 


October 
November  i5gj 


3i 


ne 

2 

3 


tt  at  hardwute 

tt  at  fryer  spendelton 

tt  at  burbon 

tt  at  knewtvs 


10 


oo-oo-i 


00-014-00 

3O-I2-OO 

oo- 14-00 


A  note  is  attached  to  this  passage,  saying  :  «  hardwute  (C.  Har- 
dacute)  The  word  is  smudged  and  rather  illegible.  It  might  possi 
bly  be  hardc/nte,  but  I  do  not  think  it  is  ».  (C.  =  Collier.)  Collier  in 
his  edition  of  1846  reads  «  Hardacute  »  and  adds  in  a  note  :  «  Ought 
we  not  to  read  Hardiknute  ?  Afterwards  we  have  Knewtus  for 
Canutus,  meaning,  no  doubt,  the  same  drama  »  (p.  91).  It  is  on  the 
face  of  it  not  very  likely  that  within  the  course  of  a  month  two  differ 
ent  plays  with  a  Danish  usurper  for  subjects  should  have  been 
staged.  If  Brewer's  play  is  a  Newcastle  production,  and  if  the  names 
of  Osric  and  Hoffman  are  taken  from  Hamlet  and  Hoffman 
(v.  infra]  Henslowe's  «  Knewtvs  »  can  have  no  connection  with 
our  play.  In  Collier's  edition  of  the  Diary  there  is  on  p.  276  «  A  Note 
of  all  suche  bookes  as  belong  to  the  Stocke,  and  such  as  I  have 
bought  since  the  3J  of  March  1698  »  —  among  which  is  «  Hardi- 
canewtes.  »  There  is  no  reason  why  our  play  should  be  referred  to 
as  «  Hardicanutus  »,  which  name  is  cnly  mentioned  casually  in  the 
last  Act  (Hardiknute  1.  1842^. 

Mr.  Fleay  (Chronicles  of  the  English  Drama  II,  p.  34)  says  :  The 
Lovesick  King  was  not,  I  think,  acted  at  London,  but  at  Newcastle. 
In  II,  i.  «  Is  he  not  one  of  those  players  of  interludes  that  dwells 
at  Newastle  ?  »  «  If  there  be  any  Helicon  in  England,  'tis  here  at 

")  v.  Felix  E.  Schelling,  The  English  Chronicle  Play,  1902,  p.  169. 


VIII 

Newcastle?"  In  III.  i  ;  V.  3,  Newcastle  sea-coals  are  preferred  to 
Croydon  charcoals.  In  II.  i  Monday,  the  play wright,  is  alluded  to  : 
«  What  day  is  this  ?  O,  Monday,  I  shall  love  Monday's  vein  to 
poetize  as  long  as  I  live.  »Cf.  Jonson,  The  Case  is  Altered,  i5g8,  I.  i, 
where  Antonio  Balladino  (Monday)  says,  «  An'  they'll  give  me 
twenty  pounds  a  play,  I'll  not  raise  my  vein.  »  Grim  the  Collier  is 
one  of  the  characters.  Haughton's  play  of  that  name  dates  March 
1600.  Heywood's  How  to  learn  of  a  woman  to  woo  (acted  at  Court  i6o5, 
and  of  course  earlier  in  public)  seems  to  be  alluded  to  at  the  end  of 
Act  I  and  in  Act  II.  All  these  indicate  a  date  of  c. 1604.  The  names 
of  the  characters,  Grim,  Osric,  Hoffman,  Randal,  Canutus,  etc. 
seem  to  be  taken  from  Admiral's  men's  plays  of  1597-:  6o3  ».  Unfortu 
nately  Mr.  Fleay  does  not  quote  the  exact  lines  said  to  contain  an 
allusion  to  Heywood's  play  nor  does  he  give  his  reasons  for  seeing 
at  all  an  allusion  in  them.  Moreover,  it  is  rather  difficult  to  see  how 
there  can  be  allusions  in  our  play  to  a  non-extant  drama  :  How  to 
learn  of  a  woman  to  woo  is  lost.  Mr.  Fleay,  History  of  the  Stage  p.  412, 
however,  thinks  it  may  be  the  same  play  as  The  Wise  Woman  oj 
Hogsdon,  which  was  not  printed  till  i638,  but  probably  acted  many 
years  earlier  (Ward,  II  574.) 

The  year  in  which  Grim  the  Collier  was  printed  can  be  of  little 
assistance  in  determining  the  date  of  our  play  as  there  is  nothing  to 
prove  that  Hrewer  took  his  Grim  from  that  play,  the  character 
appearing  on  the  stage  as  early  as  iSji,  and  Tom  Collier  as  early 
as  1 568.  The  name  of  Hoffman  may  have  been  taken  from  Chettle's 
play  of  that  name,  mentioned  by  Henslowe  in  1602.  This  would  fix 
the  downward  limit.  Similarly  the  name  of  Osric  may  have  been 
suggested  by  Hamlet,  which  goes  back  to  about  the  same  time.  It 
would  seem  far  from  unlikely  that  these  names  should  have  been  taken 
from  two  plays  which  bear  so  much  resemblance  to  each  other  *), 
and  which,  no  doubt,  attracted  much  attention  at  the  time.  As  a 
playwright  would  hardly  take  names  from  old  plays  but  rather  from 
such  as  he  had  recently  read  or  seen,  and  had  become  popular  with 
the  piaygoing  public,  Mr.  Fleay's  hypothesis  seems  to  be  corro 
borated  by  the  probable  origin  of  the  two  names.  The  name  of 
Osric  may  also  have  been  suggested  by  one  of  Thomas  Heywood's 
lost  dramas  perhaps  written  in  collaboration  with  Wentworth 

*)  After  very  carefully  examining  the  numerous  points  of  agreement 
Ackcrmann  (in  his  edition  of  Hoffman,  1894)  says  :  aus  allem  scheint 
mit  Evidenz  hervorzugehen  dass  das  Drama  als  Gegenstiick  zu  Shake- 
spare's  Hamlet  von  Chettle  fur  das  Rose  Theatre  in  Southwark  geschrie- 
ben  wurde.  (p.  XXH.) 


IX 

Smith  *,  mentioned  in  Henslowe's  Diary  under  20  September  1602 
(p.  181).  «  Lent  vnto  the  companye  the  20  of  septmlw  1602  to  paye 
vnto  mr  smythe  in  pte  of  payment  of  (of)  a  Boocke  called  marshalle 
oserecke  some  of  |  iij11.  »  On  the  3otu  of  September  1602  Henslowe 
paid  three  pounds  :  vnto  Thomas  hewodc  in  fulle  payment  for  his 
Boocke  of  oserecke.    »  (p.   182),  while  on  the  3rd   of   November 
there  is  again  mention  of  the  play  of  «  oserocke.  »  It  will  be  noted 
that  this  play  also  belongs  to  the  year  1-602.  —  Perhaps  we  may  trace 
the  influence  of  Macbeth  in  the  name  of  Malcolm,  and  in  1.  648 
a  reference  to   Macbeth  II,  3.  17  :  They  say  a  Taylor  lurnt  his  goose. 
This  would  fix  the  downward  limit  at  i6o5.  The  part  played  by  the 
Scotch  in  our  play  may  be  attributable  to  a  wish  to  please  king 
James.  Especially  the  words  at  the  close  of  the  play  (11. 1967-1975)  are 
very  important  in  this  connection  arid  would  seem  to  point  to  i6o3 
or  the  years  immediately  following  it.  No  undue  importance  should 
be  attached  to  the  fact  that  our  play  contains  four  lines  of  a  song 
that  also  occur  in  The  Knight  of  the  Burning  Pestle  :  such  songs  were 
common  property.  That  Brewer  knew  his  Shakespeare  is  evident 
from  the  quotation  from  Venus  and  Adonis  :  Death's  ebon  dart'  d.  317) 
An  additional  reason  for  assigning  the  play  to  i6o5,  or  at  least  to 
a  not  much  later  date,  may  be  found  in  another  circumstance.  In 
that  year  a  play  The  Hi  story  of  Richard  Whittington  was  entered  in  the 
Register  of  the  Stationers'  Company  **).  As  the  title  shows  it  was 
written  to  glorify  the  deeds  of  Whittington.  There  is  a   certain 
amount  of  similarity  between  the  lives  and  fortunes  of  Thornton  and 
Whittington :  both  came  poor  to  a  big  town ;  both  made  their  fortunes 
in  an  unexpected  manner;  both  were  munificent;  both  became 
mayor  of  the  town  where  they  had  prospered  ;  Whittington  married 
his  master's  daughter,  Thornton  his  master's  widow.  It  should  seem 
by  no  means  unlikely  that  Brewer,  partly  in  imitation  of,  partly  in 
rivalry  of  the  play  commemorating  the  London  hero,  wrote  a  play 
commemorating  a  Newcastle  hero. 

§  3  SOURCES.  The  present  play  falls  under  Prof.  Schelling's 
headings  of  «  pseudo-history  and-  folk-lore  ***)  »,  and  of  «  biographical 

*)  v.  Ward  II  607. 

**;  8  ffebruary  H6o5)  Thomas  Pavyer.  Eutred  for  his  copy  vnder  th[e 
hjandes  of  the  Wardens.  «  The  history  of  Richard  Whittington  ofhislmve 
byrthe.  his  great  fortune  •*  as  yt  was  plaied  by  the prynces  servantes.  .  .  vjd. 
(Arber's  Transcript,  III.  282).  On  the  16  July  of  the  same  j'ear  a  ballad  was 
entered  «  called.  The  vertitons  Lyfe  and  memorable  Death  of  Sir  Richard 
Whittington  mercer  sometymes  Lord  Maiour  of  the  honorable  Citie  of  London, 
(ibid.  Ill  296.) 

***)  v.  Felix  E.  Schelling,  The  English  Chronicle  Play,  1902.  p.  277. 


chronicle  play  *)  •».  As  regards  the  pseudo-historical  part,  nothing 
is  known  of  any  amour  between  Canute  and  a  nun  «  Cartesmunda»; 
no  reference  is  made  to  it  in  the  lengthy  article  on  the  Danish  King 
in  the  Dictionary  of  National  Biography  **).  Perhaps  the  author 
was  thinking  of  the  intrigue  between  King  Edgar  and  the  nun  of 
Wilton, \Yulfthryth,  to  which  reference  is  made  in  Grim  t/ieCollierI,2 : 

Is  not  that  Dunstan  he  who  check'd  the  king 

About  his  privy  dealing  with  the  nun, 

•»*»f»  l*-ri  '     *.  .^ 

And  made  him  to  do  penance  for'the  fault  ? 

Langbaine,  English  Dramatick  Poets',  Oxford  1691,  p.  3i  says  : 
The  Historical  part  of  the  Plot  is  founded  on  the  Invasion  of  the 
Danes,  in  the  Reign  of  K.  Ethelred,  'a'hd'  Alfred  ;  which  the  Author 
calls  Etheldred  and  Alured.  See  the  Writers  of  English  Affairs,  as 
Polydore  (,)  Vergil,  Matheeus  Westmonastenens.  Gul.  Malmsburiensis, 
Ingulfus,  Ranulphus  Higden,  Du  Chesne,  Speed,  &c.  ».  Jn  hone  of 
these  chronicles  is  there  even  the  slightest  reference  to  a  story 
similar  to  that  of  Canute  and  Cartesmunda  in  our  play  :  they  one 
and  all  give  a  more  or  less  detailed  account  of  Canute's  conquest 
and  reign  but  are  silent  on  this  particular  point.  The  name  Cartes 
munda  Brewer  may,  however,  have  taken  from  J.  Speed,  The  Historic 
of  Great  Briiaine  vnder  the  Conquests  of  the  Romans,  Saxons,  Danes  and 
Normans,  London,  1682.  In  27, 2  he  mentions  Cartismandua  (faithlesse 
Cartismandua)  as  «  Queene  of  the  Brigantes  »  in  the  time  of  Caesar ; 
and  in  84,12  he  gives  the  following  account  of  her  faithlessness  : 
Venutius,  a  famous  King  of  the  Brigantes,  and  husband  to  Cartismandua 
(a  woman  of  ah  high  and  noble  linage,  but  of  a  base  and  vnsatisfied 
lust)  finding  his  bed  abused  by  Vellocatus  his  servant  and  harnesse- 
bearer,  raised  his  power  against  her,  and  her  paramour.  With  him 
sided  his  Brigantes,  and  the  neighbour  countries  adioyning,  whose 
good  will  went  generally  with  the  lawfull  husband,  fearing  the 

*)  ibid.  p.  220. 

**)  The  Rev.  Wm.  Hunt,  author  of  the  article  on  Canute  in  the 
Dictionary  of  National  Biography,  to  whom  I  applied  for  information, 
courteously  writes  :  «  There  is  no  historical  ground  for  the  story,  nor 
have  I  met  with  anything  like  it,  so  far  as  Canute  is  concerned,  in  any 
later  writer  ».  I  am  glad  to  say  that  my  kind  correspondent  makes  the 
same  conjecture  as  to  the  origin  of  the  story  as  I  have  made  above. 
After  mentioning  Edgar's  marriage  with  Elfrida  and  his  intrigue  with 
the  i  veiled  lady  »  (Diet.  Nat.  Biogr.  Vol.  xvi,  368)  he  goes  on  to  say  : 
«  They  became  famous  ;  for  they  are  told  by  William  of  Malmesbury. — 
Hrewer  may  well  have  read  them  in  a  history  of  his  own  time  and  have 
transferred  such  parts  as  he  wanted  for  the  purpose  of  his  plot.  — 
Canute  and  Winchester  would  of  course  have  been  better  names  for  a 
playwright  to  use  than  the  less  known  ones  Edgar  and  Wilton.  » 


XI 

ambitious  authority  of  a  lustfull  woman.  With  her  went  the  Romans, 
at  the  command  of  Did 'ius  their  Deputy  :  and  these  striking  battell 
won  the  day  :  yet  so  as  the  warre  continued  to  the  Romans,  the  king- 
dome  to  Venutius,  and  the  infamy  with  Cartismandua,  both  for 
betraying  the  pledge  of  her  trust  reposed  by  Caradacus  in  his  distresse, 
&  her  truth  to  Venutiusher  noble  Lord  and  husband  :  preferring  the 
licentious  pleasures  of  a  vassall  before  the  bed  of  chaste  manage,  or 
the  nuptiall  embracements  of  a  worthy  King,  and  hath  to  ages 
following  left  her  name  noted  with  the  scarres  of  infamy,  that  time 
nor  continuance  shall  euer  weare  away.  »  No  doubt  this  account 
is  based  upon  Tacitus,  Annales  12,  36  :  Ipse,  ut  ferme  intuta  sunt 
adversa,  cum  fidem  Cartimandus  (var.  Cartimanduae],  reginae  Brigan- 
tium,  petivisset,  vinctus  ac  victoribus  traditus  est,  nono  post  anno 
quam  bellum  in  Britannia  coepit.  And  again  40  :  Post  captum 
Caractacum  praecipuus  scientia  rei  militaris  Venutius,  e  Brigantum 
civitate,  ut  supra  memoravi,  fidusquc  diu  et  Romanis  armis  defensus, 
cum  Cartimanduam  (—  dum  cod.)  reginam  matrimonio  teneret ;  — 
callidisque  Cartimandua  (Cartimannus  cod.)  artibus  fratrem  ac 
propinquos  Venutii  intercepit.  3,  45  :  in  Cartismanduam  reginam.  — 
Cartimandua  Brigantibus  imperitabat.  —  In  extremum  discrimen 
Cartimanduam  adduxit.  —  Holder,  Alt-Celtischtr  Sprachschatz,  Leip 
zig,  1896,  p.  817,  8  says  :  Carti-mandua  mit  variante  Cartis-mandua 
(s-stamm  in  composition,  cf.  Atis-mara,  Civis-marus  (?),  Ratis-bona  ; 
oder  ist  nach  Brugmann  hinter  dem  s-  ein  vocal  geschwunden,  cf. 
gen.  Viscari  aus  *  Visu-cari  ?),  «  curruum  copiam  habens  »  ?  Zu  KapOt- 
Atxavto;  cf.  Mandu-essedum  ;  nach  d'Arbois  de  Jubainville  «  la  fille 
de  celui  qui  veille  sur  un  objet  appele  «  carti-s  »,  Carti-  peut-etre  une 
vaviante  de  Carlo-  dans  Carto-briga,  Carto-val,  ci.Eporedi-rix  et  Eporedo- 
rix  »  ;  F.  name  einer  Konigin  der  Brigantes  in  Brittanien,  a.  5o-6g  p. 
Chr.  —  Nothing  is  known  about  a  nun  of  this  name  at  Winchester. 
No  mention  is  made  of  a  nun  Cartesmunda  in  :  Tanner,  Notitia 
Monastica,  1787  ;  or  in  :  A n  ancient  MS.  of  the  8th  or  gth  c.  formerly  belong 
ing  to  St  Mary's  Abbey,  or  Nuiinaminster,  Winchester  ;  edited  by  W.  de 
Gray  Birch,  1889.  The  Abbey  of  St  Mary,  Winchester,  was  destroyed 
in  1114  in  the  war  between  Stephen  and  the  Empress  Maud 
(y.  Dugdale,  Monasticon  Anglicanum  II  452,  1846).  No  register  of 
the  Abbey  is  in  existence,  (ibid.  453.)  No  information  on  this  subject 
i$  to  be  found  in  A  Description  of  Winchester,  1760. 

Erkinwald  is  an  historical  name,  having  been  borne  by  a  bishop 
of  London  in  the  7th  century. 

As  has  been  said  The  Love-sick  King  is  also  a  «  biographical  chro 
nicle  play  »  with  Thornton  for  its  hero. 


XII 

Thornton  is  an  historical  personage.  The  following  particulars 
concerning  him  I  owe  to  the  kindness  of  the  Mayor  of  Newcastle- 
on-Tyne,  and  of  Mr.  R.  Oliver  Heslop,  secretary  of  The  Society  of 
Antiquaries  of  that  town.  «  Roger  Thornton  came  to  Newcastle  as  a 
youth  in  the  latter  part  of  the  14th  century  and  was  understood  to  be 
in  very  poor  circumstances.  He  is  mentioned  in  the  local  annals  in 
1394  as  a  shipowner ;  in  i3gj  he  was  one  of  the  Bailiffs  of  Newcastle. 
When  Henry  IV  came  to  the  throne  Thornton  was  elected  a  mem 
ber  of  Parliament  for  Newcastle,  and  he  obtained  from  the  King  in 
1400  the  separation  of  Newcastle  from  the  County  of  Northumber 
land,  and,  grateful  for  his  services  in  this  matter,  Newcastle  elected 
Thornton  the  first  Mayor  under  the  new  regime.  (Thornton  was  not  the 
first  mayor  of  Newcastle.)  Thornton  was  elected  Mayor  of  Newcastle 
eight  limes.  He  became  a  very  wealthy  man,  and  Leyland  descri 
bed  him  as  « wonderful  rich  »  and  « the  richest  merchant  that 
ever  was  dwelling  in  Newcastle.  »  Thornton  died  in  Newcastle  in 
1480,  and  was  buried  in  All  Saints  Church,  and  over  his  grave 
was  erected  an  altar-tomb,  inlaid  with  a  mounted  brass  of  French 
workmanship.  This  brass  is  still  existing  in  All  Saints  Church, 
and  is  regarded  as  the  Medieval  treasure  of  the  City.  » 

«  A  traditional  couplet,  once  current  here,  records  the  fact  that  : 
At  the  Westgate  came  Thornton  in, 
With  a  hap,  a  ha'penny  and  a  lambskin. 

This  is  usually  interpreted  as  an  allusion  to  the  poor  condition  in 
which  Thornton  entered  the  town  and  began  the  career  of  Merchant 
Adventurer  in  which  he  subsequently  amassed  great  wealth.  But 
this  popularly  received  view  has  been  questioned.  A  very  ancient 
proverb  runs  :  «  Hap  and  a  halfpenny  are  world's  gear  enough.  » 
Thornton  came  it  is  alleged,  furnished  not  only  with  the  neces 
saries  of  life  i.  e.  «  hap  »  (clothing  »)  and  a  halfpenny,  but  with  a 
lambskin  (or  purse)  besides.  And  it  is  stated  that  his  family  was  one 
of  standing  in  the  county.  —  Thornton's  rise  to  great  wealth  induced 
jealousy.  This  became  manifest  in  disparagement  of  his  origin  and 
a  belief  in  questionable  means  adopted  in  acquiring  his  wealth.  » 

Thus  truth  and  untruth  are  mixed  :  Thornton  who  flourished 
under  Henry  IV  is  represented  as  living  in  the  reign  of  Canute ; 
Canute  who  was  victorious  and  reigned  over  England  till  his  death 
in  io35  is  represented  as  being  defeated  by  Alfred,  who  died  in  901  I 

In  one  respect  the  Thornton  plot  is  important :  it  adds  great  force 
to  Mr.  Fleay's  contention  that  The  Lovesick  King  was  acted,  or  at 
all  events  first  acted,  in  Newcastle.  The  play  was  sure  to  appeal  to 
the  local  pride  in  a  man  of  Thornton's  fame  and  importance. 


XIII 

Grim  the  Collier  is  a  favourite  figure  in  the  older  drama.  In 
Hazlitt's  Dodsley  there  are  three  plays  in  which  a  collier  appears 
on  the  stage  : 

In  the  «  Enterlude  Intituled  Like  wil  to  like  quod  the  Deuel  to  the  Colter  » 
by  Vlpian  Fulwel  i568,  Tom  Collier  is  one  of  the  minor  characters, 
his  part  being  limited  to  a  dialogue  with  Nichol  Newfangle  and 
Lucifer,  crowned  by  a  dance  and  a  song  to  the  tune  of  Tom  Collier 
of  Croydon  hath  sold  his  coals.  (Hazlitt's  Dodsley  III.) 

In  Damon  and  Pithias  (Rich.  Edwards,  i5ji)  Grim  the  Collier  sud 
denly  appears  at  the  Court  of  Dionysius  the  tyrant  to  bring  coals 
for  the  «  King's  mouth.  »  He  falls  into  the  hands  of  Will  and  Jack, 
two  lackeys  who  make  a  fool  of  him  and  pick  his  purse.  As  in  the 
former  play  the  connection  with  the  rest  of  the  drama  is  of  the 
slightest,  (ib.  IV.) 

In  Grim  the  Collier  of  Croydon  ;  or,  The  Devil  and  his  Dame  :  with  the 
Devil  and  Saint  Dunstan.  By  I.  T.  Grim  though  giving  his  name  to 
the  play  can  hardly  be  said  to  be  the  hero  of  the  comedy  though 
the  part  he  plays  in  it  is  far  more  important  than  that  which  he 
plays  in  the  two  preceding  ones.  He  is  a  kind,  simple-hearted  fellow 
over  head  and  ears  in  love  with  Joan,  an  eagerly  contested  rural 
beauty,  whom,  assisted  in  this  by  Robin  Goodfellow,  he  triumph 
antly  leads  to  the  altar.  Grim  is  a  male  prototype  of  Mrs.  Malaprop. 
(ib.  VIII  ;  first  printed  in  1662  but  probably  written  about  1600.) 

Nothing  in  these  three  plays  points  to  direct  imitation  by  Brewer. 
He  merely  took  the  collier  from  the  older  drama  generally,  as  a 
popular  personage  who,  by  his  naive  talk  and  foolish  quips  was 
sure  to  please  an  audience  who  were  « tickled  o'  the  sere.  »  The 
adaptation  of  the  story  of  Edgar  and  Wulfthryth  would  point  to 
Brewer's  taking  the  character  of  Grim  from  Grim  the  Collier. 

§  4.  METRE.  The  reader  will  at  once  notice  that  nearly  all  the 
verse  has  been  printed  as  prose.  It  was,  of  course,  altogether  impos 
sible  to  indicate  throughout  how  the  lines  ought  to  be  read  :  only 
in  some  cases  I  have  given  a  hint  in  the  notes,  or  printed  the  verse 
there  as  I  think  it  ought  to  be  read.  Without  going  into  excesses 
the  book  of  Dr.  van  Dam  and  Dr.  Stoffel  will  frequently  enable 
the  student  to  reduce  disorder  to  order.  The  metre  reminds  us  of 
Fletcher's  :  we  often  find  short  and  long  lines  varying  the  regular 
length  of  the  pentameter. 

§  5.  THE  PLAY  OF  17 So.  The  changes  in  this  play  are  utterly 
unimportant  :  to  insert  them  in  the  notes  would  be  to  burden  this 


XIV 

book  with  valueless  matter.  In  order  to  enable  the  reader  to  form 
an  opinion  of  the  alterations  made  by  the  publisher  I  subjoin  a 
small  number  of  the  most  striking  variants. 

1.  5g         added  :  countrymen. 

1.  60         changed  :  for  fight. 

11.  110,1    changed  :  Haste  &  summon  all  thy  friends  in  Norfolk. 

1.  u5       changed  :  journey's  long. 

11.  258,9    changed  :  this  realm  is  ours  by  conquest. 

11.  1114,5  changed  :  Sir,  &  wish  you  health  ;  for  you  have  wealth 
enough  to  make  you  happy. 

§  6.  LITERARY  VALUE.  Little  need  be  said  with  regard  to 
the  literary  value  of  the  play.  It  is  interesting  on  account  of  its 
threefold  plot :  historical-biographical  (Thornton);  pseudo-historical 
(Canutus) ;  legendary  (Grim  the  Collier).  Aesthetic  value  it-has  none. 

Groningen,  1907.  A.  E.  H.  SWAEN. 


MISPRINTS  IN  THE  ORIGINAL  TEXT. 

1.  1 3.  No  stop  between  i  and  captain. 

1.  21.  Walcolme. 

1.  27.  No  period  after  Goodgift. 

1.  5o.  Ethelred. 

1.  140.  Elkinwald. 

1.  282.  peirce. 

1.  348.  Manet. 

1.434.  a  A  Lambs-skin. 

Thorneton. 

1.  612.  inteat. 

1.  617.  Ist't. 

1.  658.  ist't. 

1.  801.    Elkinwald. 

% 

1.  972.    rhy. 
1.  1071.  Thonton. 
1.  1 120.  foget. 
1.  i3oo.  o. 
1.  i33g.  you. 
1.  1404.  de'. 
1.  1430.  inmine. 
1.  1626.  Allegaince. 
1.  i6o,3.  himhe. 
1.  1751.  asto. 
1.  1809.  diety. 
1.  1875.  Mu  sick, 
summos. 

Readers  are  requested  to  correct  the  following  errors  in  the  text 

1.  83i.    There  should  be  a  mark  of  exclamation  after  accurst. 
1.  ioi3.  The  period  (.)  after  Thornton  should  be  a  comma  (,). 
p.  41.      The  signature  F  has  dropped  out. 
p.  48,      There  should  be  no  period  (.)  after  The  Love-sick  King. 

' 


THE 


Love-fick    KING, 

An  Englifli 

Tragical      Hiftory : 

WITH 

The  Life  and  Death  of  Cartefmunda, 

the  fair  Nan  of  Windier. 
Written  by  Ant\>£rtvtry  Gent. 


, 

Printed  for  fy*  P«Air<i  W  the  <Be*.Jonfon-h&d 
behind  the  Exchange,  and  John 
at  the  Angel  fin  Popef-he»d-All«y 
1655 


Persons  of  the  Play. 


Etheldred   King  of  Eng 
land,  slain. 

Alurcd  his  Brother,  after 
5      disguised  under  the  name 
of  Eldred,   and  at  last 
King. 

Canutus  King  of  Denmark, 

the  Love-sick  King. 
10  The  King  of  Scotland. 

Edmond  Duke  of  Thetford 

Edulf  and  Edell,  Lords. 

i  Captain. 

2.  Captain. 

1 5  Osbert  the  Rebel,  Duke  of 
Mertia. 

Erkinwald,  and  Harrold, 
Lords  of  Denmark. 

Osrick,  Hoffman,  &>  Hul- 
20      drick,  Danes, 

Walcolme,  a  Scot. 


The  Abbot  of  Winchester. 
Goodgift  a   Merchant   of 

Newcastle. 
Randal  a  Coal-Merchant,  25 

brother  to  Goodgifts  wife. 
George,  Factor  to  Goodgift 
Thornton  the  Pedlar. 
Grim  the  Collier,  Servant 

to  Randal.  .      3o 

A  Black-smith. 
A  Gold-smith. 
A  Workman. 
Colliers. 
Elgina,  Sister  to  Canutus  35 

King  of  Denmark. 
Cartesmunda  the  fair  Nun 

of  Winchester. 
Wife  to  Goodgift,  after  his 

widow.  40 

The  Scene,  England. 


The    Love    Sick   KING. 

ACT.  I.     SCEN.  I. 

Enter  King  Etheldred,  Alured  his  Brother,  Edmond  Duke  of  Thetford, 

45          Edulf,   Edell    Earl   of  Hampshire,   with   their   Swords   drawn,    and 

some    Souldiers    wounded    before    them.    Alarms    continuing    afar    off. 


O 


King, 

Stay  and  hear  me  speak  my  noble  Friends,  my  Subjects 
and   my   Souldiers  hear   your  King  ;   in  nine    set   Battels 
5o  \       y  gainst  the  conquering    Danes    hath   Ethelred    with    various 
fortunes    fought,    to    rescue    you    and    England    from    the 
spoyls    of  War    and  Tyranny   :    Recall  your  spirits,   this 
City  Winchester  is  all  our  strength, 
And  if  you  cease  to  fight,  the  Foe  comes  on, 
55  With  bloody  rage,  and  sad  confusion. 

Cap.  i.  The  breach  is  made,  the  Danes  rush  ore  the  Walls,  and  like 
the  pent  up  Ocean  'bove  his  banks,  falls  from  his  height  with  roaring  vio 
lence,  and  drowns  us  all  in  blood. 

Alu.  despair  not  quite, 
60  We  yet  may  beat  'em  back,  arm,  arm  to  fight. 

Edm.  The  Danes  are  in  the  streets,  slaughter  begins,  and  execution 
is  their  Souldiers  words.  O  will  you  lay  your  throats  beneath  their 
swords,  or  doth  your  danger  make  you  desperate  ?  your  houses  will  be 
preys  to  fire  and  theft. 

65      King.  Your  Wives  and  Daughters  slaves  to  Danish  lust. 
Alur.  Your  Children  in  their  Mothers  arms  struck  dead. 
Edm.  The  names  of  English  torn  from  memory  ; 
Oh  let  your  valors  in  one  chance  be  hurl'd, 
Or  quite  extirpe  a  Nation  from  the  World. 

70      King.  See,  on  my  knees,  I  pray  you,  for  your  selves  ;  O  'tis  for 

Englands  safety  not  my  own,  makes  me  a  Subject  to  my  Subjects  thus, 

A  2  pitty 


4  The  Love-sick  King. 

pitty  your  King,  your  Country,  and  your  selves  that  now  arc  falling, 
let  your  valors  rise,  and  in  this  last  resist  your  enemies. 

Alu.  Now  by  my  Princely  birth  (my  royal  Brother)  His  sight  a- 
75  mazes  more  than  all  the  Danes ;  rise,  rise,  and  speak  no  more ;  put  them 
away,  the  stones  will  sooner  yeeld  you  aid  than  they. 

2.  Capt.  Rip  up  our  Brests,  and  see  our  loyal  hearts  to  fight  and  die 
for  you  in  this  just  cause,  But  death  hath  seized  us,  all  our  bloods  are 
wasted,  and  through  our  many  wounds  our  souls  exhausted. 
80  i.  Capt.  And  since  we  can  no  more,  O  let  your  swords  take  swift 
revenge,  and  save  the  Danes  a  labor,  In  killing  us  you  ease  our  present 
woes.  Alarm  and  cryes  within. 

Ent  Edel.  Fly  royal  Princes,  save  your  lives  by  flight,  the  day  looks 
clouded,  there's  no  hope  of  safety ;  The  traiterous  Osbert  Duke  of 
85  Mertia  makes  Head  against.you,  and  with  all  his  Troops,  enters  the 
City  gates,  guards  in  the  Danes,  tryumphs  in  slaughter  thorough  every 
street.  The  aged  Father  of  St.  Swithins  Abby,  that  with  his  holy  Cross 
between  his  hands,  mounted  the  Walls  to  cause  the  Souldiers  on  to 
fight  for  Freedom  and  Religion,  Seeing  this  Treason,  hath  retir'd  him- 
90  self,  and  on  the  holy  Altar  heaves  his  hands,  awaiting  death  ;  the  chast 
religious  Mayds,  with  Cartesmunda  their  fair  Governess, 
Flock  to  the  Temple  as  their  last  defence, 
Hoping  that  place  may  shield  their  innocence. 

King.  Come,  Princely  Alured,  my  noble  Brother,  lets  seek  to  stop 
g5  their  pressing  through  the  City,  if  we  must  die—. 

Alur,  'Tis  but  our  Fate 

Which  even  till  death  close  by  thy  side  He  wait.  Exeunt. 

Alarm.     Enter     Osbert,     Erkinwald,     Harold,     and     the     Danes     cry 
ing   Kill,    kill,    the    wounded    Souldiers    rise    and   fight,    to    them, 
loo          the     King,     Alured,    and    the    English,     who    are    driven    out 

and    the    King    slain. 

Edm.  Seek  for  your  safety,  Sir,  the  King  is  dead. 
Alur.  See  noble  Edmond  what  the  Danes  have  done,  a  King,  by 
Heaven  created  for  a  Crown,  now  onely  made  fit  for  a  golden  Urne,  be- 
io5  trayd  to  death  and  slaughter  pittiless. 

Edm.  Curse  on  the  Traitors  heart  that  wrought  this  Treason,  rebel 
lious  Osbert  that  betrayest  thy  Country. 

Alur.  Leave  his  reward  to  Heaven  that  will  avenge  it ;  and  brave 

Duke  Edmond,  sith  the  times  are  such,  lets  take  disguise  with  speed 

no  and  seek  for  safety  :  If  Heaven  be  pleas'd,  brave  Lord,  we  yet  may  live, 

if  not,  what  Heaven  has  given,  ile  freely  give.  Hie  thee  to  Thetford,  raise 

thy 


The  Love-sick  King.  5 

thy  friends  in  Norfolk,  If  I  escape  with  life,   He  post  to  Scotland, 
Donald  the  King  is  of  a  noble  spirit,  and  will  not  slack  I  know  to  send 
his  aide  against  this  common  Foe  to  both  our  Kingdoms. 
n5  There  shalt  thou  meet  me,  tho  our  journeys  far, 
Wee'l  once  again  renue  this  dreadful  war. 

Edm.  Spoke  like  the  hope  of  England  \  Royal  Prince  !  shake  hands 
in  this  red  City,  and  then  part,  for  in  thy  quarrell  I  will  live  and 
dye. 

120      Alu.  First  bear  hence  this  cold  clay  of  Majesty,our  hapless  Brother,and 
revenge  his  death. 

Edm.  That,  and  what  else  may  but  express  thy  Worth  and  Title 
to  the  Crown,  ile  still  pursue,  or  may  black  infamy  my  baseness 
tell. 
ia5      Alu.  My  soul  shall  quit  thy  love.  Brave  Prince  farewell. 

Exeunt  severally. 
Alarm.    Enter    Canutus,    K.    of   Denmark,    Elgina    his    Sister,    Erkin- 

wald,     Osbert,    Harold,     Osrick,    Souldiers. 

Osb.  The  Cities  wone,  my  Lord,  the  King  is  slain,  and  great  Ca- 
i3o  nutus  with  his  Royal  Troops  may  take  possession  of  this  conquer'd 
Town. 

Canu.   Thy  love  brave  Osbert  duke  of  Mertia,   revolting  from  the 
English  to  our  part,  has  overturn'd  the  City  Winchester,  drown'd  in  the 
blood  of  Kingly  Etheldred  and  all  his  Hoast.  Hie  thee  Duke  Erkin- 
i35  wald,  conduct  our  beauteous  Sister  to  our  Tent  :  You  shall  go  back 
Elgina  strongly  guarded,  till  with  our  swords  we  clear  all  passages  that 
may  oppose  our  peaceful  enterance. 
Stand  on  yon  Hill,  and  hear  the  English  crys, 
While  Trumpets  sound  the  Danish  Victories. 

140  Conduct  her  Elkinwald. 

Erk.  I  shall,  great  Prince. 

Elgi.  The  Gods  protect  my  noble  Brothers  safety,  and  crown  thy 
brows  with  wreathes  of  victory. 

Canu.  Duke  Harold  take  our  Guards,  and  march  before,  ransack 
145  the  Temple,  and  each  private  house, 

Who  bears  the  name  of  English  strike  him  dead  ; 
This  day  the  Kingdom's  wholly  conquered. 

Osb.  Long  may  it  so  remain  to  great  Canutus ;  an  hundred  thirty 
years  the  English  Kings  have  paid  just  Tribute  to  the  conquering 
i5o  Danes,  which  now  re-conquered,  with  assured  hopes  to  hold  pos 
session  of  the  State  and  Crown,  see  here  the  slaughtered  Body  of  a 
King  [.] 

[A  3]  [usurping] 


6  The  Love  sick  King. 

Usurping  and  disloyal  Etheldied, 
Thus  Osbert  sets  his  foot  upon  thy  head, 
i55  That  was  annointed  late  with  precious  Balm, 
Rejoycing  that  by  me  thy  pride  is  fain. 

('aim.  Forbear  brave  English  Lord,  remember  this,  he  was  a  King, 

let  not  thy  Subject  foot  tread  on  thy  Sovereigns  head  ;  Take  off  his 

Crown,  and  when  the  slaughter's  past  present  it  to  us,  and  we  will  then 

160  reward  thy  faithful  service ;  enter  the  Town,  spare  neither  Sex  nor 

Age, 

Whip  out  this  English  Race,  with  iron  rods  ; 
The  vanquish'd  are  but  men,  the  Victors,  gods.  Exeunt. 

Alarm.      A      great     Cry      within.     Enter     Abbot     bearing     a     Cross, 
i65      Cattesmunda     with    two    Tapers    burning,     which     she    placeth    on 

the     Altar,     two     or     three     Nuns    following. 
Abbot.  Come  holy  Virgins,  hie  you  to  the  Altar. 
Car.  The  raging  Foe  pursues,  defend  us  Heaven,  Take  Virgin  tears, 
the  balm  of  martyr'd  Saints,  as  tribute  due  to  thy  Tribunal  Throne  ; 
170  with  thy  right  hand  keep  us  from  rage  and  murder  ;  let  not  our  dan 
ger  fright  us,  but  our  sins  :  Misfortunes  touch  our  Bodies,  not  our 
Souls ; 

Keep  Faith  before  us,  from  Hell  none  escapes, 
Our  deaths  may  be  thy  will,  but  not  our  Rapes. 

175      Abb    Fair  Cartesmunda,   bright  illustrious   Maid,   O    be  thou  con 
stant  in  this  day  of  tryal. 
Vertue  is  Vice  unless  it  do  persever, 
That  is  true  Holiness  that  lasts  for  ever. 

Car.  Upon  my  knees  to  you  and  Heaven  I  swear,  when  I  do  yeeld 
180  my  Virgin  vow  to  lust,  in  the  soft  Twines  of  an  insatiate  bed,  may  I  give 
up  the  treasure  of  my  youth 
To  such  a  man,  whose  lust  and  poisoned  breath 
May  soon  reward  my  sin,  and  be  my  death.  Follow,  follow, 

Alarm, 

i85      Abb.  Such  Vows  being  kept  are  true  religious.  Hark,  hark,  the  bloody 
Foe  has  forc'd  the  Temple. 
Turn  boldly  and  be  constant,  here's  the  tryal. 
All   Virgins,   To    Nature    wee'l    be    false,    to    Heaven    be    loyal. 

Alarm.      Enter     Canutus,      Erkinwald,      Harrold,      Ho/man, 
190  Osrick,     Souldiers. 

Canu.   On,    on,   kill  all,  spare  none  ;  this  by   Canutus  dyes  ;   ha  ! 

Who 


The  Love-sick  King.  7 

Who  holds  my  conquering  hand  ?  what  power  unknown, 

By  Magick  thus  transforms  me  to  a  stone, 

Senseless  of  all  the  faculties  of  life  ? 
ig5  My  blood  runs  back,  I  have  no  power  to  strike. 

Call  in  our  Guards,  and  bid  them  all  give  ore, 

Sheath  up  your  swords  with  me,  and  kill  no  more  ; 

Her  Angel-beauty  cryes,  she  must  not  dye, 

Nor  live  but  mine  :  O  I  am  taken  strangely  : 
200  Methinks  I  lift  my  sword  against  my  self, 

When  I  oppose  her  :  All  perfection  ! 

0  see,  the  pearled  dew  drops  from  her  eyn  ; 
Arise  in  peace  ;  fair  soul,  will  you  be  mine  ? 

Car.  If  you  be  death  not  else. 

2o5      Canut.  Here  is  his  power,  for  if  my  wrath  thou  move, 
This  blow  shall  rid  my  heart  of  torturing  love  ; 

Pale  deaths  effect  shall  take  away  the  cause,  and  I  be  free  as  Ayr :  Thou 
Sorceress,  that  stay'st  my  hand  with  Witchcraft,  and  with  Charms  : 

1  will  unwind  thy  cunning  Exorcismes.  Rare  beautious  Virgin,  Will 
210  you  love  Canutus  ? 

Cartes.  When  to  these  bodies  dead,  thou  givest  new  life,  I  then  will 
love  thee. 

Canut.  He  give  thee  death,  As  those  in  blood  have  fain  ;  and  thou 
shalt  dye.  I  cud,--  We  will  withdraw  ;  Then  kill  her. 
2i5      Cartes.  And  I  am  ready.  Tyrant,  do  thy  worst.  O  heaven  ! 

Canut.  Hold  Traytor,  hold,  th'ast  kill'd  thy  Sovereign  :  Does  she 
not  bleed  ?  O  Love  how  strong's  thy  fear  ?  All  England  shall  not  buy 
this  Jewel  from  me  :  Didst  thou  strike  her  ? 

Har.  I  had  not  drawn  my  sword,  you  came  so  sudden. 
220      Canut.  Nor  never  may'st  thou  draw  it  'gainst  her  life,  so  she  bee 
pleas'd  to  love. 

Cartes.  To  hate  thee  I  will  love,  but  never  love  thee. 
Canut.  Grant  me  thy  Love,  my  Royalties  are  thine,  and  thou  shalt 
strike  the  Sun  blind  with  thy  lustre,  in  Ornaments  more  rich  then  is  the 
225  Treasure  hid  in  the  unknown  bottome  of  the  Sea ;  And  for  thy  pleasures- 
Cartes.  Peace,  sleek  Flattery.  Thou  seekest  to  violate  my  Virgin 
Vow  with  thy  inchanting  tongue,  which  ere  I  break, 
The  heavens  shall  fright  the  earth  ;  Saints  prove  unjust, 
Death  lose  this  power,  ere  I  imbrace  mans  lust. 

23o      Canut.  She  turns  me  wild  with  rage  and  passion  ;  He  rip  thy  bosome 
up  to  see  that  wonder,  a  constant  womans  heart :  Sure  thine  is  flint,  yet 

thus 


8  The  Love-sick  Kintj. 

thus  He  peirce  it  were  it  Adamant  :  Oh  !  He  offers  to  strike,  and  his 

sword  falls. 

Erkiti.  My  Royal  Lord. 
a35      Hat .  Great  Prince  recall  your  spirits. 

Canut.  I'm  struck  with  lightning  from  the  torrid  Zone, 
Stand  all  betwixt  me  and  that  flaming  Sun  ; 
Yet  do  not  :  Let  her  heat  in  death  be  spent. 
Go  Erkinwald,  convey  her  to  my  Tent. 
240  Let  her  be  guarded  with  more  watchful  eyes, 
Then  heaven  has  stars,  for  fear  she  be  surpriz'd  ; 
If  here  she  stay,  I  shall  consume  and  dye, 
Tis  time  must  give  my  passions  remedy. 
Art  thou  not  gone  ?  Kill  him  that  gazcth  on  her, 
245  For  all  that  see  her,  sure  must  doat  like  me, 

And  Treason  will  be  wrought  against  us  for  her.  ;* 

Be  sudden.  To  our  Tents,  Prethee  away, 

The  hell  on  earth  is  love  that  brings  delay.         Exit  Erkin.  with  Cartes. 
Har.   The    Duke  of  Mertia  with  the  English  Crown  attends  the 
25o  pleasure  of  my  Lord  the  King. 

Canut.  Present  him  to  us  ;  O  obdurate  Maid, 
The  English  Crown  is  valueless  to  thee, 
This  thy  Idea  crowns  my  victory.  Ent.  Osbert. 

Osb.  Low,  as  obedience,  thus  the  vanquish'd  English  yeelds  subject 
255  duty  to  the  King  of  Danes,  and  with  this  conquer'd  Crown  our  lives 
and  honors. 

Canut.  You  please  us  well  Duke  Osbert ;  come  invest  us,  thy 
warlike  hand  shall  crown  Canutus  head,  For  by  thy  aid,  this  Realm  is 
conquered. 

260      Osb.    Long    live    Canutus    mighty    King    of    Danes,    of    Denmark, 
Norway,  and  of  England  King.  Florisk. 

Canut.  Thanks  Duke  of  Mertia,  We  must  now  remember  that  by 
thy  late  revolt  we  wan  this  City,  slew  Etheldred  the  Lord  of  many 
thousands. 

265  Now  for  reward  which  should  ha'  come  before, 
Thou  never  shalt  crown  King  or  subject  more. 
Off  with  his  head. 
Osb.  My  Lord. 

Canut.  A  guard  I  say,  stop  up  the  Traytors  mouth  :  Let  us  have 

270  fear,  not  love  ;  Mans  nature  will  be  bold  where  it  is  lik'd  ;  A  Kingdome 

got  by  blood  must  so  be  kept  :  I  will  not  hear  him  speak  ;  Away  with 

him ; 


The  Love-sick  King.  9 

him  ;  Bring  me  his  wisdoms  head  into  my  Tent,  there  weel  converse. 
Osb.  Heavens  wrath  is  justly  sent.  Exit  with  Guard. 

Cannut.  Here  was  it  that  I  saw  that  blazing  Star  whose  bright  aspect 

275  promis'd  a  general  peace  to  this  affrighted  Kingdome  :  Torches  Slaves, 
the  night  comes  on  us,  we  are  all  in  darkness,  prepare  my  bed,  weel  rest 
us  after  toyl,  and  sleep,  thou  mother  of  forgetfulness,  drown  all  my 
thoughts  that  ere  I  saw  this  Virgin,  make  her  a  stranger  to  my  memory, 
that  I  may  joy  in  this,  not  dye  for  love.  Ho/man,  her  looks  are  heaven  ; 

280  her  eyes  are  Cupids  darts  ;  Go  bring  her  to  me  :  Art  not  gone  yet 
slave  ?  It  is  an  Embassie  too  good  for  Hermes,  the  Herauld  of  the 
gods  :  Thou  shalt  meet  Lightning,  yet  on  thou  must,  go  ask  that  weep 
ing  Nun,  dost  hear  me  ?  Art  not  gone  ?  Were  Hellen  now  alive,  this 
Maid  alone  would  stain  her  beauty  and  new  Troy  should  burn,  Paris 

285  would  dye  again  to  live  to  see  her  :  O  bring  me  her,  Dull  slave  with 
reverence  ;  Let  not  the  Sun  be  more  out-worshipp'd  by  the  tann'd  Bar 
barian  :  Tell  her,  A  bleeding  Lover  sent  thee  to  her,  and  name  me 
if  thou  chance  to  see  her  smile  :  Tha'st  not  forgot  my  name. 

A  cup  of  Wine  ready. 

290      Hof.  No  my  good  Lord. 

Canut.  Let  me  not  spurn  thee,  Go,  Fetch  me  some  Wine,  weel 
war  a  while  with  Love.  Fair  Phadra,  who  in  Corinth  once  was 
found,  compar'd  to  her,  as  different  they  wo'd  show,  as  sable  Ebony  to 
Alpine  Snow  ;  when  first  I  saw  her  at  the  holy  Altar,  Surely  the  gods 

295  more  careful  of  her  life,  then  of  a  mass  of  souls  brought  me  upon  her, 

and  fix'd  my  soul  to  hers  :  Let's  have  some  Musick.          Ent.  Hofman. 

But  thou  prevent'st  us  with  a  better  sound.  The  Accent  of  her 

Name  strikes  Musick  dumb,  for  she  is  Ayr  of  all  perfection.--  Her 

Name  ? 

3oo  Hof.  Her  three  times  sacred  Name,  most  Royal  King,  is  Cartes- 
munda,  a  Religious  Nun. 

Canut.  It  needs  no  Epithite  t'express  the  Name, 
For  Cartesmunda  is  the  worlds  bright  frame. 
I  charge  thee  Villain,  strait  conduct  her  to  me.  Her  sacred  Name  is 

3o5  Cartesmunda  call'd  ;  O  fairest  soul !  I  fear't  a  harder  Task  to  conquer 
thee,  than  all  the  spacious  Bounds  of  Barbary  ;  Had  the  gods  none  to 
take  my  glory  from  me,  but  a  weak  woman  ?  O  strange  destin'd  Fate  ! 
Ten  Worlds  in  Arms  against  Canutus  State. 

Enter  Osrick  and  Cartesmunda. 

3io  See  the  day  breaks ;  Look  where  Aurora  comes,  and  see  the  Mornings 
dew  falls  from  her  eyes,  begetting  better  Flowers  than  those  of  May 

B  from 


10  The  Love-sick  King. 

from  the  glad  ravish'd  Earth  :  O  tell  me  Fayr,  Speak  English  Maid  ; 
How  earnest  thou  to  my  sight  ?  What  makest  thou  here  ?  Camest  thou 
to  murder  me  ? 

3i5      Cartis.  What  all  my  friends  have  found  but  wretched  1, 
I  seek  for,  death  to  end  my  misery. 

Canut.  Hut  canst  not  find  him,  for  thou  art  immortal ;  Death  wud 

dye  for  thee,  if  he  ever  saw  thee,  and  for  thy  sake  make  blunt  his  Ebon 

dart ;  Pray  weep  no  more,  He  prayes  that  might  command  ;  We  will 

3ao  not  force  the  Jewel  thou  so  prizest,  till  thou  bequeath  it  freely  to  my 

youth.  We  are  oth'  Eagles  kind,  and  scorn  to  stoop  to  an  ignoble 

Thought  :  Sweet  will  you  hear  me  ;  Twas  King  Canutus  fetch'd  that 

sigh  you  heard  :  Still  turn  aside  !  Well,  if  you  loathe  me,  leave  me  ; 

there  lyes  your  way  :  Yet  be  advis'd.  Fond  Maid ;  No  sooner  shalt 

3a5  thou  pass  from  forth  my  sight,  but  the  base  Souldiers  will  lay  hold 

on  thee,  and  what  I  value  "bove  Religion,  will  not  be  th.us  much  there, 

They'l  ravish  thee,  and  therefore  prethee  stay,  with  tears  I  pray  thee. 

Thou  frosty  April,  woo't  not  love  for  love  ?  Doo't  then  for  Honor, 

Pleasure,  Majesty  :  Ungentle  still  ?  Then  get  thee  from  my  sight  :  Go 

33o  to  the  Woods,  and  learn  of  wilder  Beasts  a  little  pitty  :  You  preserve 

chastity  with  a  foul  sin,  Ingratitude  :  Goodnight ;  Yet  stay,  We  are 

strangers,  We  may  kiss  at  parting ;  Thou  hast  infus'd  Promethean 

Fires  into  me  :  I  have  two  lives,  Yet  none  of  them  mine  own.  Fair 

Cartesmunda,   If  thou   wilt  be  gone,   bid  me   Goodnight,  though  in 

335  some  Language  that  I  understand  not  : 

Cartes.  Goodnight,  My  Lord. 

Canut.  When  shall  I  have  thy  Love  ? 

Cartes.  When  men  shall  cease  to  think  there  is  a  God,  or  any  thing 
more  strange  :  Alas,  great  Prince  ! 
340  My  chastity  stands  at  the  Bar  above, 

My  Life  I  owe  to  you,  but  not  my  Love. 

Canut.  So  young,  and  full  of  grey  hair'd  Purity  :  In  vain  I  shoot 
against  a  wall  of  brass,  that  sends  mine  own  shafts  back  upon  my  self. 
I  must  choose  fitter  time  to  conquer  thee.  Lights,  and  a  double  guard 
345  t'attend  my  Love. 

(Fairest)  Good  rest ;  be  dutious  in  her  keeping, 

He  wake  with  thought  of  thee,  and  then  with  weeping. 

Exeunt.  Manet  Erkinwald,  Harold,  Captain. 

Erk.  The  King  is  Love-sick  Harold ;  Joyn  thy  powers,  and  round 
35o  begirt  this  City  Winchester  ;  Beset  the  wayes,  let  not  the  English  scape, 
That  stood  the  siege  and  sack  of  Winchester. 

Har. 


The  Love-sick  King.  11 

Har.  I  think  there's  few  escap'd,  the  King  is  slain 
And  England  now  submits  toth'  conquering  Dane. 

Erk.   Prince  Alured,  the  Brother  to  the  King,  and  Edmond  Duke 
355  of  Thetford  both  are  scap'd  and  may  raise  powers  afresh  :  Therefore 
be  careful.  Enter  Elgina. 

Har.  Doubt  not  my  Lord.  See  here  comes  the  Princess.  Ex. 

Erk.  Madam,  I  bring  you  dear  commends  from  your  great  Brother, 
England  is  won,  and  the  white  flag  of  peace  is  rear'd  upon  the  ruins  of 
36o  this  City,  King  Etheldred  is  slain,  and  great  Canutus  invested  with  his 
Crown  and  Dignity.  What  conquest  can  be  more  ? 

Elg.  That  you  subdue  your  thoughts  ;  good  sir,  give  ore,  till  I  have 
conference  with  the  King. 

Erk.  And  then  youle  love  ? 
365      Elg.  Till  then  ile  love  no  other. 

Enter    two    Souldiers    dragging     in     A  lured    in    disguise. 

1  Soul.  Drag  him  along,  he's  English  and  must  dye.   Come   for 
ward  sir. 

Alu.  Yee  cannot  fright  me,  'tis  my  wish  to  die, 
370  And  I  that  seek  it  scoff  your  Tyranny, 

O  for  fair  Englands  good  and  my  lost  powers, 
Mine  be  the  suffering,  and  the  glory  yours. 
Erk.  What  prisoner  have  our  Danish  Souldiers  got  ? 

2  Sould.  One  of  the  straggling  English,  my  good  Lord, 
3y5  And  now  are  leading  him  to  have  him  tortur'd. 

Erk.  Let  him  come  near  us,  Say,  what  art  thou  ? 

(Whispers  with  A  lured. 

Elg.  Some  God,  I  think,  disguis'd  in  humane  shape,  come  down  to 
court  us  with  bewitching  looks, 

38o  There's  something  tels  me,  if  my  thoughts  speak  truth, 
To  thee  I  owe  the  pleasure  of  my  youth. 

Erk.  Was  that  thy  fortune,  'thad  been  better  far 
Th'adst  fallen  amongst  thy  friends  in  this  dread  war 
Then  live  to  further  shame.  Away  and  hang  him. 
385      Elg.  Stay  good  my  Lord. 

Erk.  Madam  forbear,  the  King  hath  sworn  the  deaths  of  all  that 

bar'd  his   enterance  to  this  City  ;  they   scorn'd  his  profer'd  peace, 

and  now  must  perish.  This  may  suffice,  Hee's  English,  and  must  dye. 

Elg.  If  all  the  English  perish,  then  must  I,  for  I  (now  know)  in 

3go  England  here  was  bred,  although  descended  of  the  Danish  blood,  King 

[Hardiknut  my  Father,  thirty  years  governed  the  one  half  of  this  fa-] 

[B  2]  jmous] 


12  The  Love-sick  King. 

mous  Kingdom,  where  I,  that  time  was  born  an  English  Princess  ; 
Therefore  I  pray,  my  Lord,  set  this  man  free 
Let  me  bestow  his  life  and  liberty  ; 
3g5  He  beg  it  of  the  King. 

Erk.  Madam,  tis  yours,  go  Souldiers  drink  this  gold,  and  let  our 
word  to  you  discharge  your  Prisoner, 
i.  Soul.  It  shall  my  Lord,  wo'd  we  were  rid  of  all  the  English  thus. 

Ex.  Sould. 
400      Elg.  Pray  Sir,  resolve  me,  what  has  your  fortunes  been  ? 

Alu.  The  most  of  woes  dear  Princess,  I  have  liv'd  to  see  my  Coun 
try  ruin'd,  my  friends  murdred, 
My  self  condemn'd  to  die,  and  but  for  you 
I  had  been  dead,  that  life  I  have's  your  due. 
405      Elg.  Comfort  your  self,  henceforth  you  shall  be  mine, 
Attend  this,  noble  Lord,  'tis  for  your  good  ; 
Where  mildness  conquers,  we  must  shed  no  blood. 

Erk.  You  are  all  compact  of  Love  and  Mercy  (Lady)  attend  me 

sir,  and  for  this  Princess  sake,  we  will  prefer  thee ;  come  beauteous  Ma- 

410  dam  you  now  must  leave  the  Tents  to  entertain  the  glorious  tryumphs  of 

the  great  Canutus,  whom  you  must  comfort,  for  the  Love-sick  King 

sits  sadly  doating  on  a  beauteous  Nun. 

Elg.  Is't  possible  (my  Lord)  the  King  our  brother, 
In  midst  of  Conquest  sho'd  be  Cupids  prisoner  ? 
41 5      Erk.  Such  is  loves  power,  it  flies  with  swiftest  wings, 
And  midst  his  armed  Guards  he  woundeth  Kings. 

Elg.  Venus  defend  me,  if  he  be  thus  powerful  we  shall  be  all  Soul 
diers,  and  these  stern  Wars  must  be  transformed  into  Loves  encounters. 
Well,  my  good  Lord,  wee'l  see  this  English  wonder  my  Brother  so  ad- 
420  mires,  call  for  our  Guard  and  Train. 
Erk.  They  are  ready  (madam) 
Elg.  Go  you  before  then  (sir)  and  He  not  stay, 
Look  to  your  Prisoner,  lest  he  run  away. 

Erk.  O  fear  not  Lady-  Come  sir.  Ex.  Erk.  Alur. 

425      Elg.  Wo'd  he  wo'd  run,  so  he  wo'd  take  me  with  him,  by  Jove  I  love 
him,  but  'tis  bashfulness,  that  thus  makes  women  hide  their  passions, 
even  till  we  burst  and  die  ;  we  must  not  plead  love, 
Yea,  tho't  be  offered  we  must  still  refuse  it 
With  fond  denial  when  we  wish  to  chuse  it. 
43o  I  see  no  sence  for  this  ;  well  amorous  youth, 
[For  thy  sake  He  teach  women  what  to  do,] 

[And] 


The  Love-sick  King.  13 

And  spight  of  custom  to  begin  to  wooe.  Exit. 

ACT.  2. 

Enter    Thorneton    with    Needles,    and    a    A    Lambs-skin,    Singing. 

435  Thor.  Be  gone,  be  gone,  my  Juggy,  my  Puggy,  be  gone  my  Love, 
my  Dear,  my  Money  is  gone,  and  ware  I  have  none,  but  one  poor  Lamb 
skin  here  :  Why  so,  and  who  buies  this  Lamb-skin  now,  A  most 
fine,  dainty,  nappy  Lamb-skin,  if  a  Lady  would  line  her  Petticoat, 
A  sweeter  Lamb-skin  cannot  kiss  her  Catastrophe  :  Let  me  see,  how  of- 

440  ten  do  I  transform  my  self  in  four  and  twenty  hours  ?  First,  Here  in 
Northumberland,  mine  own  native  Country,  amongst  poor  people  I 
change  these  myllan  fustian  Needles  into  eggs,  then  my  eggs  into  mo 
ney,  and  then  am  I  a  Merchant,  not  of  Eels-skins,  but  Lamb-skins ;  and 
thus  poor  Thornton  of  Northumberland,  picks  out  a  living  in  spight 

445  of  Beggery  :  Yet  this  is  not  the  living  that  I  aim  at  neither  ;  for  I  may 
tell  to  all  men  that  I  have  a  terrible  mind  to  be  a  horrible  rich  man ;  nay,  I 
am  half  assured  on't  too,  for  where  ere  I  go,  there's  something  still  whis 
pers  in  mine  ears,  I  shall  be  greater,  and  here  at  Newcastle  too,  into 
which  I  am  now  entring.  All  which  to  confirm,  a  Witch  or  a  Jugler,  has 

460  guided  my  fate  in  writing,  and  now  He  read  it  once  again,  that  all  the 
World  may  know  my  fortunes,  and  wonder  at  them.  Mark  then,  for  thus 
it  goes.  Reads. 

Go  to  Newcastle,  take  thy  fate, 
Yet  ere  thou  enter,  count  thy  State, 

455  If  service  in  that  place  thou  get 
Thy  wealth  will  rise  to  infinite, 
And  Thorntons  name  in  England  stand, 
The  richest  Subject  in  the  Land. 
O  fortune,  how  hast  thou  favoured  a  poor  Merchant  stranger?  I  have  all 

460  this  wealth  in  conceit  already,  and  all  this  have  I  got  of  a  cunning  man, 
for  two  poor  Millan  Needles,  and  one  of  'em  lacks  an  eye  too.  No 
matter.  Hope  keeps  the  heart  whole,  and  I  shall  be  rich,  that's  certain, 
but  how  I  know  not,  nor  care  not,  so  I  come  in  any  likeness  ;  my  For 
tune  says,  I  must  get  a  service  here  in  Newcastle,  but  ere  I  enter  I  must 

465  count  the  wealth  \  have  now,  and  that's  soon  reckoned,  one  poor  half 
penny  and  a  Lambs-skin,  is  all  the  wealth  I  have  yfaith,  and  yet  for  all 
this  my  state  must  stand  the  richest  Subject  in  the  Land ;  'tis  certain,  my 
mind  gives  me  it,  and  I  am  assur'd  on't,  yet  I  must  put  my  self  in  re 
membrance  of  my  poverty,  lest  I  should  forget  my  self  when  I  am  grown 

470  so  rich,  I  will  write  a  note  on't  ere  I  enter  the  Town,  and  hang  it  here 
[upon  some  tree,]  to  keep  it  in  mind,  as  long  as  the  River  of  Tine  runs 

[B  3  (?)]  [under] 


14  The  Love  sick  King. 

under  it.  Let  me  see,  instead  of  paper  this  Tile-stone  shall  serve,  and 
here's  an  Ink-horn  I  stole  from  my  Hostis,  a  scurvy  Quean,  if  I  had  not 
given  her  money  for  my  Ale,  she  would  have  chaulked  me  presently, 
475  this  shall  serve  the  turn.  He  sit  down  and  write,  sweet  Hellicon  inspire  me 
with  thy  Castalian  lucke. 

Enter    Goodgift,    and    Randolfe,    and    George,    his    Wife. 
Good.  Come,  come  dispatch,  the  wind  is  North  North  West,  and 
blows  fair  on  us  ;  Where  is  George  my  Factor  ? 
480      Fact.  Here  Sir, 

Good.  At  the  next  ebb,  good  George,  I  and  the  ship  fall  down  to 
Tinmouth ;  are  your  books  made  even,  the  goods  made  fit,  and  all 
things  fitting  for  the  voyage. 

Fact.  All's  done  sir,  the  Commodities  priz'd  and  summ'd  ;  their 
485  value  at  my  back  return  from  Sea,  I  hope  to  treble  to  you. 

Good.  Heaven  deal  in  that,  or  gain,  or  loss  we  must  be  still  contented, 
and  therefore  are  we  call'd  Adventurers,  because  we  know  'tis  haz- 
zard. 

Rand.  Tis  indeed  sir,  and  I  do  wonder  at  this  gain  of  hazard  youle 

490  set  so  great  a  state,  seeing  the  time  joyns  with  the  Sea  in  danger  ;  the 

Danish  Fleet  watcheth  to  pill  the  English  Venturers.  Then  be  advis'd. 

Wife.  Yet  to  avoid  ail  dangers  Husband,  1'de  have  you  do  as  here 

my  Brother  doth,  venture  your  state  in  your  own  Country,  tho  the  gains 

be  smaller,  the  safety's  not  so  doubtful. 

495  Good.  I,  I,  Wife,  thy  Brother  Randolfe  here  is  known  a  famous  Mer 
chant  for  Newcastle  Coals,  and  England  holds  the  circuit  of  his  traf- 
fick,  but  we  that  are  Adventurers  abroad,  must  fame  our  Country 
through  all  Christendom,  nay  far  beyond  our  Christian  Territories,  to 
Egypt,  Barbary,  and  the  Tauny  Moors,  Where  not  indeed  ?  if  Sea  and 
5oo  wind  gives  way  unto  our  dancing  Vessels ;  nay,  nay,  Brother,  your  mer 
chandize  compar'd  with  us,  I  tell  you,  is  but  a  poor  fresh-water  ven 
ture. 

Rand.  Well  brother,  well,  pursue  your  Foraign  gain,  I  rest  content 
at  home,  at  the  years  end  wee'l  cast  the  difference  'twixt  your  far-fetch'd 
5o5  treasure,  and  our  Newcastle  home-bred  Minerals,  you  shall  perceive 
strange  transformation,  black  coals  turn'd  to  white  silver,  that's  my  com 
fort  sir. 

Good.  And  take  it  to  you  sir,  with  much  good  I  wish  it.  But  stay, 
stay,  who  is  that  ? 

5io      Rand.  One  that  is  very  brain  busie  it  seems. 
Good.  Peace,  peace,  observe  him  prethee. 

[Thor.} 


The  Love-sick  King.  15 

Thorn.  Here  did  Thornton  enter  in 
With  hope,  a  half  penny,  and  a  Lambs-skin, 

It  shall  go  yfaith.  He  never  strive  to  mend  it ;  foot  this  Poetry,  and  a 
5i5  mans  brains  were  not  well  laid  in  his  head,  woo'd  make  him  mad,  I 
think  if  there  be  any  Hellicon  in  England  'tis  here  at  Newcastle,  I 
am  inspired  with  it,  every  Coal-pit  has  a  rellish  on't,  for  who  goes  down 
but  he  comes  out  as  black  as  Ink. 

Good.  Is  not  this  fellow  mad  ? 
5ao      Rand.  Good  faith  I  doubt  it. 

Thorn.  Well  this  writing  will  I  set  up  here  at  the   Towns  end, 

that  when  I  have  got  all  these  riches  together,  and  sit  amongst  my 

comely  Brethren,  I  then  may  staulk  the  pace  of  wit,  and  worship, 

here  to  read  this  Manuscript,  then  will  I  view  my  Ware-houses,  disperse 

5a5  my  coyn,  comfort  the  poor,  I  and  perhaps  build  Churches. 

Rand.   Either  he  speaks  to   himself,  or  hee's  possest  with  some 
strange  talking  spirit,  that  Dialogues  within  him. 

Thorn.  Then  will  I  have  some  Fifty  Beades-men  in  my  life  time, 
for  that's  the  first  way  to  be  prayed  for  here,  and  mourned  for  when  I  am 
53o  gone,  and  on  their  Gowns  their  Cullisance  shall  be  six  millan  Needles, 
and  a  silver  Lambs-skin. 

Good.  Ha,  ha,  the  more  he  speaks,  methinks  'tis  more  distracted. 
Lets  question  him. 

Wife,  Is  hee  not,  think  you  Husband,  one  of  those  Players  of 
535  Interludes  that  dwels   at  Newcastle,  and  conning  of  his    Part,  for 
surely  these  are  other  mens  matters  hee  talks  of  ?  Doe  you  hear 
honest  man,  and  Friend,  let  mee  instruct  you  to  bee  wise  and  so 
ber.  Sings. 

Thorn.  I  come  not  hither  for  thee  to  teach, 
540  I  have  no  pulpit  for  to  Preach, 

I  woo'd  th'adst  kist  me  under  the  Breech, 
As  thou  art  a  Lady  gay. 
Wife,  Marry  come  up  with  a  vengeance. 

Good.   La  you  wife,   you   see  what  'tis  to  trouble  a  man  in  his 
545  Meditations,  prethee  let  him  alone,  hee's  not  mad  I  warrant  thee. 
Thorn.   With  hope,   a  half-penny,   and  a    Lambs-skin,   I   protest 
I  never  pleas'd  my  self  better.   Let  mee  see,  what  day's  this ;  O 
Monday  !  I  shall  love  Mondays  vein  to  poetize  as  long  as  I  live,  for 
this  trick. 
55o      Good.  Good  speed,  Good  fellow. 

Thor.   Ha,   Whose  that  ?  O  I  thank  you  Gentlemen  ;  If  I  have 

good 


16  The  Love-sick  King. 

good  speed,  He  do  good  deeds  the  sooner  :  Your  sufferance  a  little  I  be 
seech  you  ;  Then  will  I  build  some  famous  Monument. 

Rand.  Thou   build'st   i'th'  Ayr  I  think  :  Prethee,  what  Country- 
555  man  art  ? 

Thor.  Faith  Sir,  a  poor  Northumberland  man,  and  yet  I  tell  yee 
Gentlemen,  not  altogether  the  poor  Fellow,  which  you  behold  me ; 
Fortune  may  change,  If  you  seek  what  I  shall  be,  'Tis  infinite,  and 
cannot  be  summ'd  together :  But  if  you  wo'd  know  my  present  store ;  It  is 
56o  all  summ'd  on  this  Tyle-stone  :  I  shall  be  very  rich,  that's  certain  ;  and 
this  Town  of  Newcastle  must  be  the  raising  of  my  fortune,  if  there  I 
get  service,  then  are  Wealth  and  Treasure  my  servants. 

Good.  And  such  a  servant  cannot  want  a  Master.  But  Prethee  tell 
me,  Whence  hast  thou  these  hopes  ? 

565      Thorn.  Pray  Sir,  read  that,  then  tell  me  your  opinion. 
Good.  Prethee  let's  see't.  Go  to  Newcastle  take  thy  Fate, 
Yet  ere  thou  enter,  count  thy  State  : 
If  service  in  that  place  thou  get, 
Thy  wealth  will  rise  to  infinit ; 
5yo  And  Thorntons  name  in  England  stand 

The  richest  subject  in  the  Land.—  Excellent  yfaith  !  And  dost  thou 
beleeve  all  this  ? 

Thorn.  As  sure  as  you  live  Sir,  and  all  the  world  cannot  drive  me  from 
this  opinion  but  that  I  shall  be  a  very  rich  man. 

575      Good.  I  like  thy  confidence  :  How  dost  desire  to  have  Imployment  ? 
Wilt  thou  go  to  Sea. 

Thorn.  Sea  or  Land,  Fire  or  Ayr ;  Let  Newcastle  be  my  home,  and 
some    honest  man  my  Master.  This   Halfpenny,  and  this   Millan 
Needle,  shall  I  multiply  to  a  Million  of  Halfpence,  and  this  innocent 
58o  Lambs-skin  to  a  Magnificent  Lordship. 

Good.  Stay  there,  I  prethee,  'tis  wealth  enough  for  a  subject,  come, 
lie  give  thee  handsel,  that's  Entertainment,  my  name  is  Goodgifta  Mer 
chant  of  Newcastle,  where  thou  desirest  to  serve,  give  me  thy  hand,  If 
I  do  live  to  see  thee  this  rich  man,  I  shall  be  proud  to  say,  I  was  thy 
585  Master. 

Thorn.  I  am  your  servant  Sir,  and  will  be  faithful. 
Good.  Obey  me  then  at  first,  as  He  imploy  thee  :  Thou  shalt  to  Sea, 
I  see  thou  wilt  be  thrifty  :  Come  hither  George,  take  him  a  Shipboard 
with  thee,  change  his  Apparrel  strait,  and  make  him  handsome;  I  begin 
5go  sowelltorellishhisPlainnessthatlamhalfperswadedofhishopes.How 
say'st  thou  wife  ? 

Wife. 


The  Love-sick  King.  17 

Wife.  Nay,  Nay,  He  bad  me  kiss  his  Breech,  Birlady,  but  that's 
no  matter  Husband, seeing  I  see  his  Fortunes  are  so  hopeful  he  shall  have 
my  likeing  :  Come  hither  Thornton,  since  thy  Master  sends  thee  out  to 
5g5  Sea,  there's  something  for  thee  to  begin  thy  stock  with,  and  if  thou 
double  it,  He  ne're  grudge  yfaith,  So  thou't  remember  me,  when  th'art 
a  rich  man. 

Good.  Ha,  Ha,--  she's  confident  already. 
Rand.  So  shall  I  ne're  be,  till  I  see  it  Sir. 

600  Good.  Well,  Well,  Do  as  I  bid  thee  George,  under  thy  self,  let  him 
have  charge  of  all. 

George  How  will  he  put  off  these  Commodities  he  has  Sir  ? 
Thorn.  Tush,  Tush,  He  have  an  out-cry  Fellow  George,  for  so  I 
take  it  Sir,  your  name  is  now. 

6o5      George  Why  what's  thy  Lambs-skin  good  for  ? 
Thorn.  Marry  Muff  Sir. 

Wife.  Thou  say'st  true  indeed  Thornton,  and  lie  purchase  it  of  thee, 
for  that  purpose,  lie  give  thee  a  Groat  for  it  to  line  my  Muff 
withal. 

610  Thorn.  And  you  shall  ha't  Mistriss,  It  has  been  lain  dead  on  my 
hands  a  great  while,  and  now  it  shall  be  dead  on  yours,  only  this,  Sweet 
Master,  I  must  inteat  you,  that  ere  I  enter  the  Town,  I  may  hang  up  this 
writing  here  ;  I  doubt  not  Sir,  but  at  my  coming  home,  I  shall  be  able 
to  ha't  cut  in  stone. 

6i5  Good.  Agreed,  Agreed,  an  honest  Motion.  How  now,  Who's  this 
comes  here  ?  Enter  Grim. 

Wife.  'Tis  Grim  the  Collyer,  Ist't  not  brother  ? 

Rand.   O  yes  sister,  the  main  Over-seer  of  all  my  Coles,  I  war 
rant  you,  his  heads  more  troubled  too,  then  Thorntons  was  to  count  his 
620  hop'd-for  wealth,  and  mark  how  wisely  he  proceeds  about  it. 

Grim.  Let  me  see  now,  first  five  hundred  Chaldron  of  Coals  at  ten 
Groats  a  Chaldron,  that  is,  in  Coals  and  mony ;  ten  Groats,  and  ten 
Groats,  is  twice  ten  Groats ;  Then  take  twice  ten  out  of  two  times  ten, 
and  there  remains  four  times  ten  :  fivescore  Chaldron  at  ten  Groats  a 
6a5  Coal  comes  to  five  shillings,  then  take  me  thirty  Coals  out  of  thirty 
Chaldron,  and  put  them  together,  and  there's  the  whole  Voyage,  so 
thirty  Chaldron  of  Coals,  comes  to  five  Chaldron  of  Angels. 
Good.  O  rare  !  He  multiplies  bravely. 
Rand.  I  told  you  what  a  reck'ning  he  wo'd  make  on't. 
63o      Grim.  Then  to  cast  how  many  Fourpence  halfpennies  there  are  in  a 
Chaldron  of  Angels  :  Let  me  see,  take  half  a  Chaldron  out  of  a  whole 

C  Chal- 


18  The  Love-sick  King. 

Chaldron,  and  there  remains—  No,  No,  this  is  not  the  way  ;  I  must 
begin  lower  :  A  Chaldron  of  Angels,  if  you  take  nothing  out,  there  re 
mains  something :  This  is  the  honest  way  for  a  servant  when  he  casts  up 
635  his  Masters  Reckonings,  to  take  nothing  out,  and  then  the  whole  Stock 
remains  untouched  still. 

Rand.  I  marry  Sir,  I  like  that  well  ;  Why,  How  now  Grim,  What 
art  thou  doing  ? 

Grim.  I  cry  you  mercy  Master,  I  am  even  doing  my  good  will  to 
640  make  your  Accounts  right  Sir  :  There's  five  hundred  Chaldron  of 
Coals  leaving  the  River,  and  ship'd   away:  They'l  be  Sea-sick  to 
morrow. 

Rand.  How  many  for  London  (Grim  ?) 
Grim.  Three  hundred  Chaldron,  Sir. 
645      Rand.  And  whither  go  the  rest  ? 

Grim.  'Twas  purposed  they  sho'd  ha  gone  to  Winchester,  but  its 
thought  since  the  Danes  came  thither,  they  have  little  need  of  Sea-coal, 
every  place  is  so  hot ;  they  say  a  Taylor  burnt  his  Goose,  and  yet  no  fire 
came  neer  him. 

65o  Rand.  That's  strange.  Well  Grim,  bid  them  alter  their  course  for 
Winchester,  bid  them  put  in  at  Lyn,  and  Yarmouth,  and  let  London 
be  the  farthest  of  their  journey  until  these  Wars  afford  us  better 
safety. 

Grim.  Alas  Master,  if  you  stow  up  your  ships,  you  may  ee'n  hang 
655  up  your  Collyers,  for  they'l  starve  and  dye  if  they  come  above  ground 
once; you  have  sevenscore  pits, and  seven  hundred  lusty  Collyers  daily 
digging  in  them,  and  if  they  come  above  ground  once—  What  Thorn 
ton  my  old  Acquaintance  !  How  ist't,  How  ist't  man  ? 

Thorn.  Never  better  yfaith. 
660      Good.   Dost  thou  know  him  ? 

Grim.  Better  then  the  Taylor  that  made  his  Doublet  :  Know 
Thornton,  the  famous  Needle-maker  of  Northumberland  ?  There's 
not  a  Beggar  that  carries  a  Patch  about  her,  but  knows  him  ;  All 
our  Collyers  buy  Needles  of  him  for  the  same  purpose  :  Many  a  night 
665  has  he  lain  in  the  Sellerage  amongst  :  Thornton,  How  many  Eggs 
have  you  roasted  at  our  fire  in  the  Coal-pits  ? 

Thorn.  Thou  posest  me  now  yfaith  Grim,  I  have  been  infinitly 
beholding  to  thee,  and  when  I  am  a  rich  man,  here's  my  hand,  He  re 
quite  it. 

670      Grim.  I  had  rather  thou  would'st  set  a  certain  day  to  do't.  Dost  thou 
think  to  be  rich  by  Pedlers  Eggs,  and  Lambs-skins  ? 

Thorn. 


The  Love-sick  King.  19 

Thorn.  But  I  have  other  Imployments  now  Grim. 
Good.  He  is  my  servant  Sir,  and  is  already  by  my  best  liking  voy 
aging  to  Sea. 
675      Grim.  Does  he  go  a  foot  Sir  ? 

Good.  Sirra,  Sirra,  He's  a  Venturer  too,  and  when  you  see  his  safe  re 
turn  again  with  wealth  from  Sea,  you'l  make  legs  to  him. 

Grim.  How  legs  to  him  ?  I  scorn  him  and  his  Lambs-skins.  No 

Sir,  Thornton  must  remember  I  am  Controler  of  the  Cole-pits,  and  that 

680  many  a  night  I  have  committed  him  to  the  Hole,  and  there  he  lay  forty 

Fathom  deep  beneath  me,  where  I  co'd  have  buried  him  alive,  if  I  had 

thought  on't  :  Make  legs  to  him  ? 

Good.  Come,  Come  Sir,  Wee'l  have  you  friends  at  parting ;   Go 
George,  follow  my  directions,  and  let  Thornton  have  that  Imployment 
685  I  prescribed  to  you  ;  Come  Sir,  you  shall  first  erect  your  Character  ac 
cording  to  your  mind  at  the  Towns  end,  to  keep  a  Record  of  your  En 
trance  in. 

Thorn.   With    hope,   a   Halfpenny,   and   a   Lambs-skin,   that's  all 
Sir. 
690      Grim.  Ha,  Ha,  a  brave  rich  man  I  promise  you.  Exeunt. 

Enter    Erkinwald    and    Alured. 
Erkin.  Is  thy  name  Eldred  ? 
Alur.  Yes,  My  good  Lord. 

Erkin.  Thou  art  my  prisoner  still,  and  we  have  power  o're  all,  thy 
6g5  Life  and  Fortunes. 

Alur.  I  still  confess  it,  Sir. 

Erkin.  'Tis  well,  Canst  thou  guess  then,  why  my  love  extends  it  self 
so  lineally  towards  thee  ?  Thou  know'st  that  even  from  death  I  have 
advanced  thee  close  to  my  self,  and  trust  thee  with  my  secrets,  and  one 
700  above  the  rest,  requires  thy  aid,  thy  subtle  and  quick  brain  can  better 
forge  matter  of  fair  discourse  than  mine  can  be,  The  bright  Elgina  thou 
must  court  for  me.  In  Peace  and  War  she  has  been  still  my  aym,  for  her 
the  tedious  night  I  do  beguile,  with  serious  thoughts  of  her  divinity,  and 
watching  till  the  midnight  Chimes  be  past,  have  wak'd  again  before  the 
7o5  Village  Cock  had  call'd  the  Plowman  to  his  early  labor. 
Go  plead  my  love,  yet  ere  thou  go,  here  swear 
(Yet  I  with  love  will  win  thee,  not  with  fear) 

Never  to  injure  me  in  this  disguise,  Nor  with  Icarian  wing  to  soar  too 
high. 

710      Alur.  I  were  a  villain  to  betray  your  trust,  being  so  meritless  of  your 
great  favours,  and  therefore  vow  by  all  that  man  may  swear  by,  He 

[Ca]  be 


20  The  Love-sick  King. 

be  as  true  to  you  in  this  imployment,  as  truth  is  to  the  just. 

Erk.  Thou  hast  said  enough,  I  leave  it  to  thy  trust—  Go,  return 
and  make  me  happy,  there's  gold,  spend  freely.  Exit. 

7i5  Alu.  Fortune  I  see  thou  now  art  blind,  and  foolish,  and  without  aim  di- 
rect'st  thy  giddy  shafts,  these  gifts  thou  givest  to  me,  which  I  despise, 
what  physick  helps  a  man  just  as  he  dies  ?  Tis  Englands  peace  that  I 
would  live  to  Court,  but  she  is  fled,  and  I  a  captive  Prince,  slave  to  my 
mortal  foes,  till  time  release  me,  that  once  I  may  regreet  my  English 
720  friends,  which  long  ere  this,  I  know  have  wish'd  my  presence,  tojoyn 
our  forces  for  our  Countryes  freedom.  Enter  Elgina. 

But  here  she  comes  whom  I  must  plead  for  love ;  my  faith  is  past,  and 
were  she  beauties  Queen,  and  half  the  world  her  dowre,  I  wo'd  not  wrong 
The  trust  I  have  receiv'd,  He  court  her  for  him, 
725  And  plead  my  Masters  love,  though  she  abhor  him. 
Elg.  Who's  there,  Eldred  ? 

Alu.  Your  pardon  beauteous  Princess,  I  must  wooe  you. 
Elg.  But  ile  prevent  you  sir,  for  ile  wooe  you. 
Alu.   For    noble    Erkinwald   my  warlike    Master.  All    love    from 
73o  him. 

Elg.  Is  nothing  like  to  thee, 
That  conquer'st  love,  and  Cupids  Deity. 
Alu.   You  do  amaze  me  Lady. 
Elg.  Be  not  afraid, 
735  But  tell  me  boldly,  could  you  love  a  Maid 

That  for  thy  sake  wo'd  be  a  president,  and  teach  all  women  a  new  way  to 
win  the  often  wish'd  desires  of  stubborn  men?  In  me  you  shall  observe  pa 
tience  and  duty,  tender  care,  and  fear  ;  by  thy  bright  eyes,  lie  teach  the 
constant  Turtle  truer  love,  and  make  the  Nuns  at  Vestas  Altar  swear, 
740  The  Virgin  state  is  not  so  strict  to  move 
As  the  obsequious  life  you  lead  in  love. 
And  cannot  you  yet  say,  you  mean  to  love  me. 

Alu.  Beshrew  me  Madam  but  you  tempt  me  shrewdly,  pray  give 
me  leave  to  think  upon 't...  Ha  !  my  vow's  not  broke  yet ;  for  I  wooe 
745  not  her,  that  was  my  oath  sure,  and  I  think  there's  no  man  that  can 
withstand  the  wooing  of  a  woman.  Fond  fool,  how  quickly  youth  and 
blood  transform  ? 
Elg .  Come,  What's  your  answer  ? 

Alu.  Dearest  Lady,  There  is  but  one  thing  in  the  world  that  hates  me, 
75o  and  you  have  brought  it  with  you. 
Elg.  O  me  !  what  sho'd  it  be  ? 

(Alu.] 


The  Love-sick  King.  21 

Alu.  Forgive  my  rashness,  'tis  a  thing  within  you,  not  you,  thai 
charms  me  from  you. 

Elg.  Be  it  my  heart,  ile  pull  it  out,  so  thou  wilt  love  me. 
755      Alu.  O  gracious  Princess,  'tis  your  Royal  blood,  so  near  allied  un 
to  the  great  Canutus 

Keeps  me  at  distance,  were  our  states  made  even 
My  love  sho'd  be  as  strong  as  zeal  to  Heaven. 
Therefore  Imperial  Maid— 

760  Elg.  No  more,  if  that  be  all,  we  will  dispence  with  greatness,  use 
me  like  one  that  loves  you,  Ile  Invent  a  plot  that  shall  in  short  secure 
us  both  ;  I  crave  but  this,  that  thou  be  true  of  faith  :  For  by  my  life  I 
love  thee. 

Alu.  And  (gracious  Princess)  since  now  I  see  your  passions  are  un- 
765  feign'd,  I  vow  not  onely  to  requite  your  love,  but  with  affected  and  sin 
cere  intents  to  crown  your  wishes,  though  it  work  my  ruin. 

Elg.  Our  faiths  and  hearts  are  one  then,  Cupids  wings, 
Can  crown  mean  births,  with  joy,  make  slaves  of  Kings 
Knew  Erkinwald  my  heart,  hee'd  change  with  thee, 
770  And  be  thy  slave  to  have  command  ore  me. 

Lend  me  thine  ear  in  private. 
Enter  Erkinwald. 

Erk.  At  it  so  close  ?  Ile  hear  their  conference,  win  her,  and  gain  thy 
Freedom,   Love  and  Honor.   Ha  !  That  kiss  (bold  slave)  past  thy 
775  Commission  ;  Death  and  the  Devil,  she  kisseth  him  too.  O  fond  Er 
kinwald  be  blind  and  do  not  see  them  ;  thy  office  was  to  speak,  but  not 
for  thy  self. 

Alu.  Natures  Divinity  is  in  thy  looks,  and  he  an  Atheist  sees  thee, 
and  not  loves.  Should  Erkinwald  now  see  it,  I  wo'd  love  thee,  tho  for 
780  each  kiss  I  had  a  several  torture,  ten  deaths  for  thy  injoying  were  my 
Bliss. 

Elg.  So  high  I  prize  thee,  by  this  Virgins  kiss. 

Erk.  Yet  you  make  shift  to  reach  him  with  your  lips  ;  Degenerate 
Princess,  I  suspect  thy  birth  :  Yet  well  mayst  thou  be  Sister  to  thy  Bro- 
785  ther,  For  Great  Canutus  blood  runs  low  as  thine,  and  Love-sick  doat- 
eth  on  an  English  Nun. 
Alu.  Then  you  resolve  to  fly  ? 
Elg.  Heaven  knows  I  do. 

Erk.  Here's  one  will  stop  your  Journey.  Thunder  part  ye,  slave. 
790      Elg.  Ha,  O  me  unfortunate  ! 

Alu.  Tush,  fear  not  Madam.  See  here  I  stand  my  Lord. 

[C  3]  [Erk.] 


22  The  Love  sick  King. 

Erk.  A  perjur'd  Villain. 

Alu.  That  tongue  lies  that  speaks  it—  Hear  me,  I  courted  for 
thee  with  my  best  of  speech,  and  shew'd  my  faith  as  firm  as  Adamant, 
7g5  till  fate  that  rules  all  love,  ore-rul'd  her  so,  that  she  became  a  Suiter  for 
my  love, 

And  on  my  worthless  self  her  smiles  hath  thrown  ; 
My  tongue  was  yours,  but  my  consent  mine  own. 

Erk.  He  have  that  heart  she  loves—  hold  eyes  from  weeping. 
800      Elg.  But  I  shall  hate  that  heart  if  in  thy  keeping. 

Sheath  up  thy  sword,  and  hear  me  Elkinwald,  what  shall  I  give  thee 
to  renounce  my  love  ? 

Erk.  As  much  as  thou  would'st  give  t'attain  Elizium  sho'd  not  avert 
my  love  from  these  fair  eyes,  Joves  thunder,  or  eternal  miseries  shall 
8o5  never  so  transform  me. 

Elg.  Yet  I  cannot  love  thee . 

Erk.  But  ile  remove  the  cause  of  that.  Villain,  thou  hast  seen  our 
slaves  dye,  when  their  Lords  have  laugh'd,  Come,  run  on  my  wea 
pon,  this  is  Princely  favor, 
810  For  greater  tortures  do  attend  on  thee, 
But  wee'l  be  merciful  in  Tyranny. 

Elg.  See,  on  the  Earth,  thy  Sovereigns  Sister  kneels,  to  beg  thy 
pitty. 

Erk.  There's  nothing  but  thy  love  can  purchase  it. 

8i5      Elg.  Yet  have  mercy,  the  fault  in  love  was  thine,  thou  didst  betray 
me  when  thou  let'st  me  see  him  ;  and  Villain  thou,  if  thou  but  touch 
his  life,  the  Great  Canutus  shall  revenge  my  wrongs, 
For  after  him  Elgina  will  not  live  ; 
Bethink  thee  then,  O  yet  some  pitty  give  ! 
820      Alu.  Do  not  debase  your  self,  for  my  poor  life, 
I  dare  his  worst,  my  love  is  constant  still, 
More  resolute  to  die,  than  thou  to  kill. 
Erk.  Tis  worthy  praise,  then  see,  behold  thy  death. 
Alu.  With  open  eyes,  as  I  wo'd  view  her  state, 
8z5  And  like  a  man  thus  I  pursue  my  fate. 

(They  fight,    Elgina    goes    between,    Erkinwald    kils    her.} 
Elg.  Hold,  hold.  O  I  am  slain,  farewell  dear  friend,  the  loss  of  thee 
is  Tyranny  in  death 

And  death  a  dream,  so  thou  but  close  mine  eies. 
83o  Chaste  love  is  born  in  Heaven,  and  never  dies. 

Erk.  Amazement  to  my  soul,  O  my  Elgina !  O  I  am  most  accurst 
['twas  this  hand  struck  thee.]  [Alu.] 


The  Love-sick  King.  23 

Alu.  For  which  He  be  revenged  ;  thus  Heaven  is  just.         Kills  him. 
Erk.  Base  Villain  thou  hast  slain  me. 
835      Alu.  Tis  thy  fate.  Farewel. 

Oh  pure,  unspotted  Maid,  unhappy  Princess, 
This  hand  shall  keep  thy  will  and  close  thine  eyes, 
Let  thy  soul  joy,  for  here  thy  Murderer  lies 
Dead  at  my  foot,  and  I  with  thee  could  die, 
840  Were  my  poor  Country  free  from  misery. 

War  calls  me  to  the  field.  O  my  Elgina,  Autume  is  on  thy  cheeks,  the 
Rose  is  wither'd,  and  thou  look'st  like  the  Alablaster  statue, 
Upon  thy  lips  I  print  this  parting  kiss, 
And  flying  from  thee,  leave  all  earthly  bliss.  Exit. 

845  Enter  Harrold,  Osrick,  and  Captains. 

Har.  Osrick,  we  hear  the  Duke  of  Thetford  raiseth  men  in  Norfolk. 
Osr.  All  England  sure,  I  think  will  mutiny,  if  thus  the  King  neg 
lect  his  hopeful  Conquest,  by  doating  on  a  womans  lustful   Beauty. 
Har.  Never  was  man  in  love  bewitcht  like  him,  he  will  not  suffer 
85o  speech  or  any  counsel  that  may  dis-swade  from  her  ;  he  bars  his  sight 
from  any  but  the  Nun,  and  his  loose  Panders.  Ha  !  what  sight  is  this  ? 
Duke  Erkinwald  and  the  Princess  murdered,  this  sight  wo'd  sad  even 
Tyranny  it  self,  draw  tears  from  Tygers,  and  make  wonder  dumb. 
Oh  Great  Canutus  what  portents  are  these 
855  This  heavy  curse  lights  on  thy  lust  and  ease. 
Thy  sister,  and  thy  best  of  friends  are  slain, 
And  safety  now  is  frighted  from  thy  Throne. 

Convey  this  spectacle  of  grief  aside,  and  let  a  guard  pursue  the  mur 
derer. 
860  He  hie  me  to  the  King,  and  there  relate 

Their  deaths,  his  lust,  both  guided  by  strong  fate.        Exeunt. 

Banquet.   Enter  K.  Canutus. 

Can.  She  is  an  Angel  in  the  shape  of  woman,  chaster  than  Dian,  col 
der  than  Freezland  snow,  and  yet  she  burns  me  ;  if  I  miss  her  now,  my 
865  death  must  be  the  period  of  my  love  ;  Go,  let  those  Jewels,  Gates,  per 
fumes  and  Musick,  be  all  produc'd  together  in  one  sense. 
Unite  all  raptures,  let's  have  nothing  scant, 

That  she  may  taste  at  once,  what  all  Queens  want.  Musick. 

Strike  heavenly  Musick,  with  a  tuneful  measure, 
870  And  with  thy  raptures  swell  her  blood  and  pleasure. 

Enter    Cartesmunda    and    Osrick. 

The  star  appears,  welcome  dear  soul,  to  make  our  joyes  more  full,  sit 

to 


24  The  Love-sick  King 

to  this  Banquet,  Great  Queen  of  my  heart,  and  fully  joy  thy  senses  in 
each  part. 

875      Cart.  My  senses  are  intranc'd,  or  do  I  dream  ; 
O  let  me  back  return  to  hide  my  shame. 

Can.  O  stay  divinest  soul,  hear  me  but  speak. 
Cart.  O  I  have  lost  my  sence  with  these  Inchantments ;  I  am  I 
know  not  how,  for  all  my  powers  are  useless,  but  mine  eyes  to 
880  weep. 

Can.  Make  not  the  earth  proud  to  receive  thy  tears,  lest  being  sub 
ject  unto  me  her  King,  I  force  her  to  restore  again  those  pearls,  more 
rich  than  all  the  Jewels  of  our  Crown,  so  high  I  prize  thy  tears,  yet  thee 
'bove  all. 

885      Cart.  I  am  your  Servant,  Prisoner,  Vassal,  worse. 
Can.  Thine  eyes  upon  my  freedom  laid  that  curse. 
If  thou  bee'st  mine,  I  do  command  thy  love  ; 
Where  Kings  of  Subjects  beg,  let  pitty  move. 

Cart.  How  can  so  great  a  King,  be  weakness  slave  ? 
890      Can.  In  doating  of  those  joyes  I  near  shall  have. 

Cart.  Men  that  lust  women  once,  no  more  indure  'em, 
In  health  they  loathe  the  physick  that  did  cure  'em. 

Can,  When  I  neglect  thy  love,  or  touch  thy  life,  may  all  my  Battels 
prove  unfortunate,  and  I  lose  all  the  conquering  Danes  have  got,  and  end 
8g5  my  days  with  shame  and  inward  grief. 

Cart.  Your  words  be  registred,  with  hands  divine, 

0  keep  your  vow  (great  Prince)  for  I  break  mine. 

1  blush  to  say,  I  yeeld,  I'm  wholly  yours,  a  spotless  Virgin  now  is  in 
your  power,  and  as  you  mildly  courted,  so  this  kiss  confirms  mee  to 

900  you. 

Can.  And  my  soul  to  thee. 
Never  did  man  meet  more  felicitie. 
Run  Vassals  run,  prepare  all  sweet  delight 

For  Cartesmunda  sleeps  with  me  to  night.  Enter  Harold. 

go5  England  shall  sleep  in  peace,  for  all  my  force 
On  Cartesmunda's  love  shall  now  be  spent, 
Thy  Anns  shall  be  my  Arms,  thy  Bed  my  Tent. 

Har.  Defend  me  Heaven,  how  is  this  King  transform'd  ?  my  news 
is  not  so  sad,  as  is  this  sight. 

Can.  Whose  there  ?  Harold  ?  what  news  ? 

910      Har.  The  English  Princes  (mighty  Sovereign)  seeing  your  Highness 
thus  forsake  the  field,  threaten  fresh  war,  and  England  will  be  lost. 

Can. 


The  Love-sick  King.  25 

Can.  But  Cartesmunda  won,  In  thee  we  have  all  good  that  Eng 
land  holds, 

gi5  All  Conquest  in  these  Arms  Canutus  folds. 
Hast  more  to  say  ? 

Har.  Yes,  but  with  grief  (my  Lord)  The  fair  Elgina,  your  beau 
teous  sister,  and  that  only  one  that  made  her  Sex  admir'd,  is  slain,  great 
King. 

920      Canut.  Give  me  this  Bracelet,  I  have  begg'd  it  long. 
Har.  And  noble  Erkinwald  lyes  murd'red  too. 
Can.  Why  now  th'art  my  pretty  one,  Come,  kiss  thy  Canutus. 
Har.  Had  you  (my   Lord)  as  I,  beheld  that  sight,  the  Tyranny  of 
death  had  sure  amaz'd  you. 
925      Can.  What  does  he  talk  on  ? 

Car.  Do  you  not  mark,  my  Lord  ;  he  sayes,  Your  Sister's  dead. 
Can.    Let  her  be  buried  then   :    Remove  out  of  mine  eye,  thou 
fright'st  my  love.  Some  Musick  there  :  Come  Cartesmunda  kiss  me  : 
Go  bid  our  Souldiers  hang  their  Arms  up  ;  Fold  up  our  Ensigns,  and 
980  unbrace  our  Drums,  England  is  conquer'd,  all  our  Wars  are  done,  and 
all  in  this,  that  Cartesmunda's  won.--  Exeunt.  Manet  Har. 

Har.  O  strange  Inchantment,  the  sad  news  I  brought,  Though  now 
regardless,  whilom  would  have  made  his  eyes  start  from  their  orbs  to 
hear  of  it  :  O  fair  Elgina  \  happy  now  th'art  dead,  and  dost  not  live  to 
g35  see  thy  brothers  folly.  This  is  not  now  Canutus,  nor  his  Palace,  but 
rather  seems  a  Roman  Theatre,  and  this  young  Nero  acting  Come 
dies,  with  some  light  Strumpet  in  bold  scenes  of  Lust ;  This  change 
with  wonder  I  behold,  and  see 

That  love  is  powerful  o're  inferior  things, 
940      When  thus  to  baseness  it  transforms  great  Kings.  Exit. 

ACT.  III. 

Enter   Grim  and  Colliers    with  Baskets  and    Sacks. 
Grim.  Come  Bullies,  fetch  more  Coals,  and  aboard  with  'em  lusti 
ly,  shew  your  selves  Newcastle-men,  not  proud,  but  honest  and  humble, 
945  and  such  as  do  not  scorn  to  carry  Coals. 

i  Col.  I  warrant  you  Mr.  Grim,  Wee'l  send  'em  going,  Newcastle  Coals 
t      are  Hereticks,  and  must  be  burnt  at  London.  Exeunt  Colliers. 

Grim.  You  say  well,  Wee'l  put  'em  to  water  first,  and  then  let  'em  put 
fire  in  their  Tayls  afterward.  Enter  Randolph. 

g5o      Rand.  Well  said  Grim,  I  see  thou  art  not  idle. 

Grim.  No  Master,  I  am  Bayly  of  your  Cole-pits,  and  your  Wor 
ships  Benefactor:  I  will  do  what  lies  in  a  true  servant;Seven  hundred  black 

D  Indians 


26  The  Love-sick  King. 

Indians,  or  Newcastle  Collyers,  your  Worship  keeps  daily  to  dive  for 
Treasure  five  hundred  fathom  deep  for  you,  and  as  they  bring  it  up,  He 
g55  send  it  out  to  your  profit,  Sir. 

Rand.   Tis  well  done  Grim,  thy  gains  will  one  day  be  a  Gentle 
man. 

Grim.  A  Gentleman  ?  Nay  I  hope  one  day  to  purchase  a  Lordship, 

and  all  my  Collyers  under  me  shall  be  Ladies,  for  He  maintain  'em  with 

960  black  Masks  on  their  faces  already ;  but  do  you  hear  Master  ?  I  hear 

there  is  some  disadvantage  towards  us,  and  it  behoves  us  to  look  to't, 

they  say  there  are  a  new  sort  of  Colliers  crept  up  neer  London,  at  a  place 

call'd  Croydon,  that  have  found  out  a  way  by  scorching  of  wood  to 

make  Charcoals,  and  'tis  to  be  fear'd  this  may  hinder  our  Traffick 

g65  Master. 

Rand.  How  ?  To  make  Coals  of  wood,  art  sure  'tis  so  ? 
Grim.  Most  certain  Sir,  but  never  fear  it  Master,  Newcastle  Coals 
shall  conquer  Croydon,\ve  can  give  a  Chaldron  of  Sea-coals  for  a  sack 
of  Char-coals. 

970  Rand.  Thou  say'st  well  Grim ;  but  I  hear  my  brothers  ship's 
return'd  with  large  Advantage,  I  mean  to  see  him,  mean  time  insist  upon 
rhy  care,  good  Grim. 

Grim.  O  sweet   Master,   Let  me  go  with  you,   I'd  fain  see  how 
Thornton  our  Needle-merchant  has  sped,  I  doubt  me,  his  Lambs-skin 
975  is  turn'd  to  three  Sheeps-skins  the  wrong  side  outward. 
Rand.  Come,  Let's  go  ;  but  see  they  come  to  us. 

Enter  Goodgift,  his  Wife,  Thornton  and  George. 
Good.  Now  brother  Randolph  how  is't  with  you  Sir  ? 
Rand.  Glad  by  the  happy  tydings  of  your  News  Sir  ;  Fame  has  out- 
980  strip'd  the  wind  that  brought  your  ships,  and  tells  us  of  a  rich  and  pros 
perous  Voyage  :  He  talk  with  your  Factor,  Sir,  and  know  your  Pur 
chase. 

Good.  Do,  Do,  Mean  time  He  talk  with  Thornton  here  my  honest 
Merchant  of  Millan  Needles  ;  How  hast  thou  sped  in  thy  Voyage,  how 
985  didst  thou  brook  the  Sea  ? 

Grim.  I  think  he  was  glad  to  pump  over-board ;  How  say  you 
Thornton  ? 

Thorn.  Tush,  Tush,  Thou  art  a  Fresh-water  Fellow  (Grim.) 
Grim.  A  Fresh-water  Fellow  ?  O  disgrace  to  a  Collier !  If  ever  I 
990  kill  a  Whale  hand  to  hand,  it  shall  be  thee. 
Good.  Nay,  good  Grim. 

Grim.  Mr.  Goodgift,  I  pray  pardon  me  :  Shall  Grim  the  Collyer 

that 


The  Love-sick  King.  27 

that  has  been  thus  long  Controler  of  the  Cole-pits,  chief  Sergeant  of  the 
Selleridge,  nay  the  very  Demigorgan  of  the  Dungeon,  be  call'd  a  Fresh- 
9g5  water  Fellow  ? 

Good.  Quietness,  I  say,  Wee'l  have  no  quarrelling. 
Grim.  I  beseech  you  Sir,  Let's  both  be  let  down  into  a  Cole  pit  five 
Fathom  deep,  and  he  that  kills  the  other,  shall  be  stifled  with  a  Damp, 
and  so  you  shall  never  be  troubled  to  hang,  nor  bury  us. 
1000      Good.   Go  to,   I   say,   He   have  yee  friends  again   :   Come,   shake 
hands. 

Grim.  Never,  unless  I  may  call  him,  Porpoise,  now  at  single  hand, 
Sir. 

Good.  I,  I,  Thou  shalt. 

ioo5      Grim.  Thou  ?  go  thy  wayes,  thou  art  a  Porpoise,  and  now  I  am 
friends  with  thee. 

Good.  So,  So,  'Tis  well,  and  now  as  I  was  saying,  Thornton,  What 

Voyage  hast  thou  made  to  benefit  thy  hopes,  your  Halfpenny,  and  your 

Lambs-skin  ?  My  Factor  tells  me  here  thou  hast  been  careful  and  di- 

1010  ligent,  but  to  the  wealth  and  greatness  you  expect,  I  yet  hear  no. 

thing. 

Wife.  I  marry  Husband  that's  the  news  I  look  for  ;  Sir,  Come  tell  us 
Thornton.  How  have  you  bestowed  the  mony  that  I  gave  you  ? 

Thorn.  Faith  Mistriss,  as  the  rest,  my  full  stock  to  Sea,  you,  and  my 
io:5  good  friends  gave,  was  five  shillings,  and  putting  in  at  Preston  for 
fresh  water,  I  turn'd  it  there  into  six  Tun  of  Iron,  one  of  which  Tuns 
I  have  already  sold  unto  an  Anchor-Smith  here  in  Newcastle  for  four 
pound ;  the  rest,  if  I  put  off  so  well,  will  multiply  my  stock  most  richly, 
Mistriss. 

1020      Good.   'Tis    well,   but   far  from   hope    of   wealth   and    Lordships 
Thornton. 

Rand.  Yet  that  re-multiplied  again,  good  brother,  may  help  his 
Halfpenny  and  his  Lambs-skin  somewhat. 

Good.   Well,  well  Thornton,  th'art  welcome  home  however ;  So  art 
IO25  thou  George  ;  Go  see  the  ship  unladed,  wee'l  go  before,  and  view  the 
Ware-houses. 
Fac.  I  shall  Sir. 

Good.  Come  brother,  will  you  go  ? 

Rand.  Yes,  Sir ;  You'l  quarrel  no  more,  if  we  leave  you  together 
io3o  now  ? 

Grim.  No  Sir,  I  mean  to  borrow  some  mony  of  him  now. 

[D  2]  [Rand.] 


gg  The  Love-sick  King. 

Rand.  That's  not  his  way  to  thrive  ;  Look  to  him  Thornton. 

Exeunt.    Manent    Thorn.     Grim. 

Grim.  I  warrant  you  Master,  wee'l  agree  well  enough ;  Ah  Sirra,  Mr. 
io35  Thornton,  you  have  got  six  Tun  of  Iron  already,  you  must  take  heed 
now  that  you  fall  nol  into  some  crafty  Ironmongers  hand  to  deceive  you 
of  your  whole  stock ;  Look  too't,  they  are  hard  dealers  that  deal  in  Iron  ; 
if  you  be  gull'd,  remember  what  Martin  said  to  his  man,  Whose  the 
Fool  now  ? 

1040  Thorn.  Tush  Grim,  Look  there  man,  my  whole  stock  lies  not  in 
Iron ;  a  little  stock  I  borrowed  of  my  fellow  George  at  Sea,  and  with  it,  I 
have  purchased  these  Pearles. 

Grim.  Pearles  ?  Prethee  tell  me  true  :  Are  they  Pearls  yfaith  ? 
Thorn.  Pearles  ?  I,  and  precious  ones  too,  I  hope. 

1045  Grim.  Ha,  ha,  good  Oyster  Pearl,  worth  twelvepence  a  pound,  I 
think. 

Thorn.  No  matter  man,  I  cannot  lose  by  them  howsoever  ;  they  cost 
me  little  ;  I  have  sent  for  a  Goldsmith  a  purpose  to  know  the  certainty. 

Enter  a  Smith. 

io5o  Grim.  That's  well,  and  in  the  mean  time,  here  comes  your  first 
Chapman  :  How  now  good  man  Iron-fist,  Why  do  you  puff  and 
blow  so  ? 

Smith.  O  Mr.  Thornton,  I'm  ee'n  out  of  breath  with  seeking  you, 
unless  you  stand  my  friend,  I  shall  be  undone  for  ever. 
io55      Thorn.  Why,  what's  the  matter  man  ? 

Sm.  Your  Iron,  Sir,  your  Iron,  that  I  bought  of  you,  is  not  the 
mettal  I  took  it  for,  'twill  do  me  no  good  Sir,  there  will  not  a  nayl  be 
hammered  out  of  it,  when  I  heat  it,  it  melts,  and  when  'tis  cold  agen,  it 
bends  like  lead,  and  if  it  lye  on  my  hand,  I  am  undone  for  ever ;  I  be- 
1060  seech  you,  Sir,  take  it  agen,  though  I  lose  ten  shillings  ith'  price  I  paid 
for't. 

Thorn.  Nay,  I  must  not  rise  by  hurt  of  any  man ;  He  take't  agen, 
and  thou  shalt  lose  no  penny.  I  prethee  let  me  see't,  Is  this  a  part  on 't. 
5m.  I,  for  here's  the  end  of  one  of  the  Bars,  the  poorest  peece  of 
io65  Iron  I  e're  hammered  on. 

Thor.  Well,  leave  this  with  me,  and  bear  the  rest  home  to  my  Ma 
sters  Ware-house,  thou  shalt  sustain  no  loss,  thou  shalt  have  thy  mony. 
Sm.  I  thank  you  Sir,  He  bear  it  back  agen,  and  my  wife  that  yet 
curseth  you  most  terribly,  shall  pray  for  you  most  horribly. 
1070      Thorn.  This  is  strange,  my  great  Venture  turn'd  to  nothing  now  ? 

Grim. 


The  Love-sick  King.  29 

Grim,  Faith  Mr.  Thonton,  and  your  pearls  prove  no  better  than  your 
Iron,  you  were  best  turn  Merchant  of  Lambs-skins  again. 

Enter  Goldsmith. 

Thorn.  Well  I  know  the  worst  on't  Grim,  see  here  comes  the  Gold- 
1076  smith  that  I  sent  for  ;  if  my  Pearls  prove  as  bad  as  my  Iron,  I  am  quite 
begger'd  y faith, 

Gold.  Now  Mr.  Thornton  what's  your  business  with  me  ? 
Thor.  Your  advice  in  these  few  pearls  sir,  and  I  would  know  the  va 
lue  of  them. 

1080      Golds.  They  are  fair  and  round,  are  they  your  own  sir  ? 
Thorn.  He  answer  the  sail  of  them. 
Gold.  And  have  you -any  more  of  'em  sir  ? 

Thor.  Some  thirty  more,  and  far  more  orient  than  these  are  too. 
Golds.  He  give  you  twenty  pound  for  these  two  at  a  venture  sir- 
io85      Grim.  You  shall  have  Pearl  my  dog  at  that  price  sir. 
Gold.  What  say  you  Mr.  Thornton  ? 

Thorn.  Twenty  pound  say  y'  ?  there's  some  hope  then  towards  my 
half-penny  I  see.  Come  sir,  He  make  a  rash  bargain,  you  are  my  first 
Chapman,  and  shall  have  first  refusal,  both  in  the  price  of  these  and  all 
1090  the  rest ;  and  since  you  give  me  this  good  comfort,  sir,  pray  let  me  trou 
ble  you  a  little  further,  you  have  good  skill  in  Metals  sir,  pray  look  on 
this  ;  what  metal  should  this  be  ? 
Golds.  Let  me  see  it  sir,  He  tell  you  presently. 

He  touches    it   with  a  Touchstone. 

iog5  Grim.  A  beastly  peece  of  Iron  'tis,  it  came  new  from  the  Forge, 
old  Iron-fist  the  Smith  has  been  hammering,  but  he  can  do  no  good 
on't. 

Thor.  What  think  you  sir  ? 

Golds.  Ha  !  fore  Heaven,  it  touches  fair,  have  you  any  store  of  this 
noo  metal  sir? 

Thorn.  Yes  sir,  six  Tun  I  assure  you,  I  brought  it  for  good  Iron,  but 
my  smal  skill  has  deceiv'd  me. 

Golds.  You  were  well  deceived  sir,  for  if  the  rest 
Of  your  six  Tun  with  this  in  trial  stand 
no5  You're  now  the  richest  Subject  in  the  Land. 

Thor.  Ha  /  Gold  ?  Delude  me  not  I  beseech  you  sir,  let  me  beleeve 
you  plainly.  Y'have  toucht  this  peece, and  this  He  give  you  to  make 
good  your  word. 

Golds.  Upon  my  life  I  will,  'tis  perfect  gold,  and  for  this  Wedge 
i  no  I  will  refine  it  all  to  its  pure  lustre,  and  your  infinite  profit. 

[D  3]  Thorn. 


30  The  Love-sick  King. 

Thorn.  I  make  that  bargain  with  you,  this  peece  is  yours,  and  since 
you  give  these  hopes,  I  pray  conceal  it,  and  meet  me  at  the  Ware 
house,  there  He  shew  you  the  full  six  Tun  I  spake  of,  and  confer. 

Golds.  I  will  attend  you  sir,  and  tell  you1  thus, 
ni5  Your  Fortunes  all  are  rich  and  wonderous.  Exit. 

Thor.  I  have  a  thankful  heart  to  heaven  for't,  that's  my  comfort :  Why 
how  now  fellow  Grim,  how  stand'st  thou  man  ? 

Grim.  Six  Tun  of  Gold  ?  O  that  I  durst  but  imbrace  you  Mr. 
Thornton  \ 

1120      Thorn.  Tush  man,  I  prethee  do;  He  ne're  foget  my  self  nor  thee, 
I  am  honest  Thornton,  and  thou  honest  Grim. 

Grim.  Poor  Grim  the  Collier  sir,  but  He  never  be  your  worships  equal, 
you  shall  be  tryumphant  Mr.  Thornton,  and  I  poor  Grim,  your  honest 
friend,  and  quondam  fellow. 

1 1 25      Thorn.  Come,  come,  no  more  of  this,  help  me  to  cpst  my  venture 
honest  Grim  :  Six  tun  of  gold  ? 

Grim.  Most  right  sir. 

Thor.  Three  pound  an  ounce,  is  threescore  pounds  a  pound. 

Grim.  And  that's  horrible  usury  for  your  worship. 

u3o      Thor.  Nay,  nay,  no  worship  good  Grim,  this  is  Heavens  blessing 
thrown  on  a  poor  mans  head. 

Grim.  Wo'd  I  were  thrown  into  a  Coal-pit  with  such  a  blessing  on 
my  back. 

Thor.  Nay  prethee  let's  reckon  further,  three  pound  an  ounce,  and 
ii35  threescore  a  pound,  is  full  sixteen  thousand  pound  a  Tun,  and  doubling 
thattosix  times  six,  comes  near  to  forty  hundred  thousand  pounds,  almost 
four  millions. 

Grim,  O  Lord  sir  !  is  not  that  better  than  twenty  millan  Needles  that 
your  Lordshiphad  wont  to  sell  amongst  the  Colliers,  and  whenyou  came 
1140  to  Newcastle,  as  your  writing  says,  Here  did  Thornton  enter  in,  with 
hope,  a  half-penny,  and  a  Lambs-skin. 

Thor.  True,  true,  good  Grim,  and  I  shall  ne'r  forget  it. 

Grim.  O  that  my  mother  had  lapp'd  me  in  a  Lambs-skin  the  first 
hour  of  my  begetting,  for  now  I  see  there  is  no  luck  to  a  Lambs-skin,  six 
1 145  Tun  of  gold  at  one  purchase,  and  besides  all  this  your  Highness  does  for 
get  the  pearls  too. 

Thor.  Nay,  nay,  no  Titles  Grim,  'tis  all  heavens  blessing  still. 

Grim.  Tis  true  sir,  and  I  think  your  Majesty's  the  richest  man— 

Thor.  Away,  away,  thou'lt  speak  Treason  anon  Grim.  The  wealth 
i:5o  I  have  I  see  is  infinite,  and  bethousecret  and  conceal  awhile,and  Here- 


The  Love-sick  King.  31 

ward  thee  with  large  recompence.  Enter  Smith. 

Grim.  I  am  your  Vassal  sir,  and  will  be  obedient  to  your  Excellence 
in  all  things.  But  see  the  foolish  Smith  is  return'd  to  see  you. 

Thor.  Prethee  be  silent.  How  now  honest  Smith,  hast  thou  sent 
1 1 55  home  the  iron  ? 

Smith.  O  yes  sir,  I  thank  Heaven  I  have  rid  my  hands  of  it,  you 
have  made  me  a  man  Mr.  Thornton,  my  house  is  quiet,  my  wife  silent, 
I  have  carried  home  your  leaden  iron,  return  me  my  silver  back  agen,  and 
my  wife  and  I  shall  pray  for  you  when  you  are  dead  and  rotten. 
1160  Thor.  Well  sir,  with  all  my  heart.  I  received  four  pound  ;  Look  you 
sir,  there  'tis,  all  your  full  sum  to  a  penny. 

Smith.  Sweet  Mr.  Thornton,  shall  I  not  give  you  four  pots  for  all  this 
kindness  ?  pray  sir,  'tis  fit  I  should  lose  something. 

Thor,  No,  no,  I'm  satisfied. 

n65      Grim.  Do  you  hear  ancient  Iron-fist,  the  old  Smith  of  Newcastle, 
I  can  tell  you  one  thing,  if  the  Almanack  or  Erra-pater  be  true,  youle 
hang  your  self  ere  to  morrow  morning. 
Smith.  How,  hang  my  self ! 

Thor.  Nay,  prethee  Grim,  thou  wilt  discover  all  anon. 

1170  Grim.  No  I  warrant  you  sir,  I  do  it  but  to  work  a  little  profit.  Do 
you  hear  Smith,  what  shall  I  give  you  for  the  ashes  and  rubbish  that 
came  off  of  that  old  Iron  that  you  refused  now  ? 

Smith,  How  ?  the  ashes  ?  marry  I  mean  to  sweep  'em  out  of  my  shop 
when  I  come  home  yfaith,  for  fear  they  infect  the  rest.  What  wilt  thou 
ny5  do  with  'em  ? 

Grim. That's  all  one,  Let  me  have  all  the  ashes  and  the  peecesyou  broke 
off  that  Bar  you  brought  to  Mr.  Thornton,  and  He  give  thee  five  shillings. 
Smith-  Five  shillings  ?  He  not  be  said  to  gull  you  Mr.  Grim,  but  an 
youle  give  me  a  groat  ready  money,  th'are  yours. 
1180      Grim.  A  bargain  :  There's  your  groat. 

Smith.  The  ashes,  and  all  the  peeces  of  iron  are  yours  sir. 
Grim.  Bear  witness  Mr.  Thornton,  come,  lie  go  fetch  'em  presently, 
y'ad  best  make  haste,  your  dismal  day's  to  morrow,  you  know  what 
I  told  you,  and  unless  you  rid  your  self  of  'em  quickly,  you  will  hang 
u85  your  self,  that's  certain.  Exeunt.  Manet  Thornton. 

Thorn.    Ha  !   Have  my  hopes  ore-tane   me  ?  think  on't   Thornton, 
and  thank  Heaven  for't ;  here  at  Newcastle  first 
In  low  estate,  did  Thornton  enter  in, 
With  hope,  a  half-penny,  and  a  Lambs-skin, 
1190  And  now  my  large  Accounts,  of  wealth  scarce  told, 

I 


32  The  Love-sick  King 

I  keep  possession  of  six  Tun  of  gold. 
The  blessings  strange,  and  I  must  now  resolve 
To  tie  my  vows  to  my  auspicious  fate, 
Lest  the  world  curse,  and  Heaven  call  me  ingrate  ; 
1195  To  make  of  this  my  gold  a  houshold  God, 
Were  meer  Idolatry,  no't  shall  fly  abroad  : 
Newcastle,  to  thy  good,  large  sums  of  love 
My  promise  oweth,  which  ile  pay,  and  prove, 
To  grace  thy  fame,  lie  beautifie  thy  ground, 
1200  And  build  a  wall  that  shall  imbrace  thee  round.  Exit. 

Mustek.       Enter      Cartesmunda,       and      discovereth       Canutes       asleep, 

Attendants,  Osrick. 

Car.  That  Musick  is  too  loud,  tread  softly  sirs  ;  How  sweetly  in  his 

sleep  Canutus  looks  ?  lie  not  envy  thee  Juno,  keep  thy  Jove,  here  lies 

I2o5  the  soul  of  Cartesmunda' s  love.  Now  by  this  kiss  Canutus  I  do  love  thee, 

thou  needst  not  dream  it,  fie,  fie,  sluggard  fie,  beshrew  the  God  of 

dreams,  what,  did  he  fright  thee  ?  Or  art  thou  fighting  of  some  battel 

now,  wherein  thou  seest  me  taken  prisoner,  and  startst  with  fear  of  that? 

There's  nothing  else  that  could  afright  thee,  though  it  came  like  thunder, 

1210  for  thou  wert  made  for  Armes,  and  for  these  Arms  ;  and  yet  thy  sword 

Canutus  did  not  win  me.  I  saw  these  eies,  when  1  refus'd  to  love  thee, 

begin  to  lose  their  splendor,  and  in  tears  drown  their  neglected  brightness. 

I  have  seen  this  face  half  dead  when  I  have  frown'd  upon't,  and  with  my 

smiles  life  has  return'd  agen;  go,  go,  you  wanton, by  this  kiss  Ile  beat  you. 

I2i5      Can.  How  now  Sweet-heart? 

Car.  Art  thou  awake  my  Love  ?  then  I  am  well. 
Can.  Well  Cartesmunda,  sleep,  and  I  will  watch  as  careful  as  the  ten 
der  Pellican  stands  by  her  tender  young ;  give  me  a  kiss  potent  as  Bac 
chus  to  raise  appetite,  and  let's  go  sleep  together,  if  I  get  a  Boy  upon 
1220  thy  youth,  he  shall  be  King,  and  half  the  world  shall  be  his  Dower. 

Knocks  within. 

Whose  that  knocks  so  rudely  for  his  death  ?  hath  not  the  slave  describ'd 
the  noyse  ?  Enter  Ho/man. 

Hof.  Osr.  It  is  Duke  Harold,  sir,  intreats  access. 

1225      Can.  He  does  not  chuse  his  time  well.  Let  him  in.         Enter  Harold. 
Osr.  The  King  is  angry  sir. 

Har.  Angry,  sayst  thou  ?  holy  Saints  defend  us,  'has  foes  enough  to 
vent  his  spleen  upon,  and  not  to  shrowd  himself  thus  from  his  friends. 
Most  mighty  Prince. 
I23o      Can.  Rise  Harold,  we  co'd  chide  you  ;  But  go  on. 

Har 


The  Love-sick  King.  33 

Har.  Pardon  (my  speech  my  Lord)  it  is  my  duty,  and  I  must  needs 
make  bold  to  tell  your  H  ighness,  y're  no  Souldier  but  a  Love-sick  Prince, 
And  while  you  dally  out  your  daies  in  love,  the  English  all  are  raising 
head  against  you,  the  Garrisons  that  kept  Northumberland  are 
ia35  chas'd  as  far  as  Yojk,i\vo  thousand  Danes,  died  in  that  bloody  slaughter. 
And  now  again  those  warlike  Princes  all  their  Forces  joyn,  and  seek 
you  forth. 

Can.   Fetch  me  some  wine,  wee'l  drink  to   all    their  deaths  that 
dare  disturb  us  ;   Cartesmunda,  thou  shalt  sweetly  pledge  me,  come 
1240  faster  slave.  Dance. 

Thus  in  this  wine  wee'l  wash  away  all  care, 
My  pleasures  and  my  conquest  all  are  here. 
Come  pledge  me  sweet. 

Har.   The  Duke  of  Thetfords  Forces  raised  in  Norfolk,  have  quite 
1245  expuls'd  the  Danes,  the  English  Nobles  bound  to  your  State  by  con 
quest  and  by  oath,  forsake  Allegiance,  and  with  sound  of  Drums  pro 
claim  Prince  Alured  the  English  King. 

Can.  Ho,  ha,  ha.  Cart.  Why  laughs  my  Love  ? 

Can.  To  see  thee  pledge  me  such  a  hearty  draught. 

i25o      Har.  You  see  my  Lord  hee's  careless,  and  neither  minds  us  nor  his 
persons  safety. 

Osr.  Most  Royal  sir,  what  order  for  your  forces  ? 
Can.    Let's    have    some    musick   strait  ;   Come   Cartesmunda    wee'l 
dance  out  half  this  day,  and  that  being  done,  we  will  retire  our  selves  and 
1255  sleep  agen.  Why ,  when  yee  slaves?  do  your  souls  sleep  within  you  ?  here's 
good  musick.  Dance. 

Har.   So   was  the  warlike  Drum  and  Trumpet  once,  great  Har- 
diknute  the  glory  of  the  Danes.  Thy  Son  plays  now  the  King. 

Enter  a  Captain 
1260      Capt.  Hail  mighty  King. 

Can.  Thunder  to  thee  ;  Foot  can  we  not  be  private  ? 
Capt.  Alas  my  Leige  my  news  is  of  importance. 
Can.  So  is  my  pleasure  slave,  avoid  our  presence,  thou  and  the  rest 
that  come  to  fill  our  ears  with  tumults  and  with  bloody  Massacres,  fright- 
1 265  ing  my  heavenly  Love,  for  whose  sweet  sake  let  men  fall  thicker  than  the 
checker'd  leaves,  the  stern  winds  rend  and  ravish  from  the  tree,  when  yel 
low  Autum  turns  them  into  gold.  Flourish. 
Ite  gone,  come  Cartesmunda  let's  retire, 
We  will  not  stir  were  all  the  world  on  fire.  Ex. 

E  Osric. 


34  7'//'1   I.ni-r-sirl;   King. 

1270      Osr.  Is  this  the  end  of  all  our  former  conquests?  to  be  re-conquer'd 
now  with  wine  and  women  ? 

Har.  I,  this  is  she  that  bears  so  high  a  stroak,  we  dare  not  shake 
our  heads  for  fear  we  loose  'em  ;  if  she  but  dreams  a  dream  that  not 
delights  her,  next  morning  there  are  some  are  sure  to  bleed  for 't,  whose 
1275  lot  so  ere  it  be. 

Osr.  Wo'd  it  were  mine,  my  Lords,  so  she  co'd  dream,  and  it  would 
come  to  pass,  the  Devil  might  fetch  her. 

Har.  This  twelve  month  sir,  he  has  not  touch'd  his  Armor,  nor  been 
ith'ficld  to  chear  his  Souldiers. 

1280      Osr.  We  now  must  make  as  great  a  suit  to  see  him,  as  if  we  beg'd 
for  Tipes  of  dignity. 

Cap.  No  more,  I  see  your  griefs  and  all  our  ruins,  if  we  keep  si 
lent  thus.  He  speak  to  him,  and  venture  life  for  such  a  general  good,  if 
my  plots  fail,  my  tongue  shall  boldly  speak 
1285  To  touch  his  baseness,  though  I  lose  my  head, 
He  die,  or  win  him  from  this  strumpets  bed. 
Fear  not  to  second  me. 

Har.  Not  I,  were  death  assur'd,  He  first  begin, 
A  Souldiers  best  fight  is  to  beat  down  sin. 
1290  Enter    Canutus    and    a     Guard. 

Can.  Double  my  Guards  about  her,  I  will  prove 
There's  no  happiness  on  earth  but  love. 
Cap.  Most  mighty  Prince. 

Can.  Audacious  Traytor,  wherefore  com'st  thou  to  us,  did  we  not 
1295  charge  thee  to  avoid  the  presence. 

Cap.  Your  Father  (Royal  Sir)  knew  me  a  Souldier,  and  I  have 
fought  for  you,  yet  if  you  please,  so  I  may  speak,  make  me  your  hum 
ble  Martyr. 

Can.  Slave  what  wouldst  thou  say  ? 
i3oo      Cap.  That  which  my  life  shall  prove 

Y'ave  lost  your  conquest  in  a  vvomans  love. 

Could  you  unty  the  vail  Cupid  has  bound  about  your  eyes  and  forehead, 
you  wo'd  find  she  were  not  all  so  fair  as  you  esteem  her,  Nature  was  never 
so  impartial  to  give  to  one  to  rob  a  million,  arm  but  your  self  and  lead 
i3o5  your  Souldiers  forth  to  win  another  City,  you  shall  find  her  beauty  far 
out-strip'd,  sacred  Leige,  if  like  a  young  man  you  take  counsel  ill, 
Destroy  me  quickly,  it  shall  be  my  fame 
I  di'd  to  win  you  from  a  Strumpets  shame. 

Can. 


The  Love- sick  King.  35 

Can.  Thou'st  spoke  enough  to  damn  thee,  Impudent  Traytor,  go 
i3io  dye  unpittied ;  Though  thou  hast  my  hate,  thou  shalt  riot  have  the  honor 
of  my  sword  to  take  away  thy  life,  you  of  our  Guard ;  See  a  base  death 
performed  upon  this  Slave. 
Capt.  Farewel  my  Leige  you  once  must  have  a  grave. 

Exit  with  Guard. 

i3i5  Har.  My  Resolution's  firm,  and  I  will  speak,  though  hell  shu'd 
gape  to  swallow  me  alive  ;  What's  he  that's  gon  to  death  my  So 
vereign  ? 

Can.  A  Traytor  (Harold]  to  my  best  content. 

Har.  O  pardon  sir,  your  rage  has  lost  a  man  of  more  true  worth 

i32o  then  all  this  Nation  ;  He  was  not  of  that  strain  of  Counsellors,  that  like 

a  tuft  of  Rushes  in  a  Brook,  bends  every  way  the  current  turns  it  self, 

yeelding  to  every  puff  of  Appetite  that  comes  from  Majesty,  but  with 

true  zeal  he  faithfully  declared  the  grief  of  all  :  Pardon  me  (great 

Canutus)  I  must  speak,  and  let  thy  subject  on  his  knee  intreat,  the 

i325  Kingly  Lion  yet  to  rouze  his  strength, 

And  chase  those  English  that  do  only  wound, 
Because  our  Rescuer  will  not  be  found. 

Can.  Fond  man,  how  dar'st  thou  check  our  Appetite  :  Hast  thou 
forgot,  our  frown  can  strike  thee  dead. 
i33o      Har.  I  know't,  and  willingly  lay  down  my  head  ; 
For  'tis  more  honor  by  thy  wrath  to  dye, 
Then  living  to  behold  thy  misery, 
Which  sure  is  coming  on. 

Can.   Let  it  make  haste.  Wee'l  beat  it  back  with  our  triumphant 
i335  Hoast. 

Har.  You  cannot,  till  you  beat  that  wanton  hence  ;  She  has  bewitch'd 
your  senses  (mighty  Lord) 
Her  Tresses,  like  to  Adamantine  Chains, 
Have  let  all  heat  but  lust  out  of  you  veyns  ; 
i3/«ro  When  she  is  gone,  your  valor  you'l  assume, 

But  while  she  stayes,  she  doth  your  state  consume. 

Can.  No  more  :  Go  bid  the  Captains  meet  me  in  the  Hall ;  Tell  'em 
to  morrow  early  wee'l  come  down  ; 
And  in  strange  kind  to  all  your  eyes  wee'l  shew 
1345  We  can  command  our  self  as  well  as  you.  Away. 

Har.  He  do  your  will,  and  hope  for  good  event.  Exit. 

Can.  There  is  no  hell  on  earth  but  discontent. 

E  2  I  feel 


36  The  Lovesick  King. 

I  feel  my  blood  grows  chil,  a  sudden  qualm  in  a  deep  Laethe  seems  to 
drown  my  joyes.  Enter  Cartes. 

i35o      But  here  comes  she,  by  whom  those  thoughts  are  gon, 
Earths  happiness,  at  whose  creation 

Nature  spent  all  her  stock  :  Welcome  my  love  to  make  our  joyes  full, 
Go  adorn  thy  self  in  all  the  richest  Jems  my  Coffers  yeelds ;  Wear  all  the 
Jewels  purchas'd  with  my  crown,  and  out-shine  Dian  in  a  Robe  of 
1 355  stars. 

Cart.  For  what,  my  Lord  ? 

C<?».  To  please  mine  eyes,  and  make  all  men  admire  thy  Radencie. 
Thy  Beauty  shall  out-brave  the  glorious  Sun,  Florish. 

Somewhat  Cantit  must  do  to  be  talk'd  on.  Exeunt. 

i36o  Enter    Mr.    Randolph,    and    his    Sister    in    Mourning. 

Rand.  Fie  Sister,  weep  no  more,  'tis  time  to  lay  by  grief,  and  with 
the  death  of  your  late  husband,  now  bury  your  sorrows'. 
Wife.  Shu'd  I  forget  so  soon  so  good  a  husband  ? 
Rand.  His  goodness  was  your  good,  your  late  dead  husband  has  left 
i365  you  rich,  and  full  Executrix  to  be  over -seen  by  Mr.  Thornton,  whose 
care  I  cannot  pass  without  some  note  ;  For  though  his  wealth  be  rays'd 
to  Infinites,  he  not  forgets  a  servants  love. 

Wife.  Alas  good  brother,  I  have  woo'd  him  from  it. 
Rand.  How  Sister  have  you  woo'd  him  ? 

iSyo  Wife.  I,  from  civility,  Methinks  'tis  unmannerly  in  me,  to  see  a  man 
so  much  in  state  the  better,  to  be  so  like  a  servant  to  me ;  I  tell  you  I  have 
woo'd  him  from  it. 

Rand.  I  think  'twere  better  far  he  woo'd  you  Sister. 
Wife.  Woo'd  me  ?  For  what  ? 
i3y5      Rand.  For  Love  Sister. 

Wife.  O  fie,  good   Brother   :   The   very   word  would  wrong  my 
husbands  grave. 

Rand.  Tush,  a  Womans  Sorrow,  has  been  in  black  to  day,  in  green 
to  morrow. 
i38o      Wife.  I,  but  I  am  none  of  those  :  No,  no,  He  never  marry. 

Rand.  Come,  you  are  foolish,  think  upon  him,  Sister,  Hee's  a  rich 
man,  I  tell  you.  Hee's  now  the  wealthiest  subject  England  hath. 
Wife.  O  but  my  Husband  ! 

Rand.  Which  of  'em  ?  he  that's  gone,  or  this  to  come  ?  Think  of 
1 385  Mr.  Thornton. 

Wife.  Alas,  I  am  not  his  equal  : 

Rand. 


The  Love-sick  King.  37 

Rand.    Tush    you    were    once    his    Better,    hee's    humble    still. 
Wife.  Well,  He  speak  no  more  on't. 
Rand.  Well,  think  on't  theft. 

i3go      Wife.  Hey,  ho,  Hee's  a  very  honest  man  truly,  and  had  my  husband 
dyed  but  two  months  ago,  I  might  ha'  thought  on't. 
Rand.  How  fare  you  Sister  ? 

Wife.  As  a  green  widow  sir  ;  Pray  if  you  see  Mr.  Thornton,  say  I'd 
speak  with  him.  Enter  Thornton  and  a  Workman. 

i3g5      Rand.  Are  you  there  yfaith  Sister  ;  See,  hee's  here  already. 

Thorn.  Spare  for  no  cost,  and  ply  the  Workmen  hard,  He  pay  'em 
all,  they  shall  not  want  for  mony  ;  have  you  tane  the  compass  of  the 
Wall? 

Work.  We  have,  to  a  foot  sir. 

1400      Thorn.  How  many  Towers  of  strength  may  be  erected,  dividing 
each  distance  by  a  hundred  paces. 

Work.  'Tis  cast  already,  and  the  compass  falls, 
A  hundred  fourscore  Towers  to  grace  the  Walls. 

Thorn.  How  high  de'you  raise  the  Walls  ? 
1405       Work.  As  you  directed  sir,  full  a  hundred  foot. 
Thorn.  Right,  and  twelve  in  breadth. 

Work.  Just  so  sir,  'twill  be  a  pleasant  walk  to  view  the  Town  : 
Thorn.  So  I  wo'd  have  it ;  And  therefore  from  the  highest  erect  a 
Battlement  above  the  Platform  four  foot  high  a'  both  sides,  both  to 
1410  secure,  and  make  the  place  more  pleasant ;  See  it  rais'd  so. 
Work.  I  shall  sir. 
Wife.  O  my  dear  Husband  ! 
Thorn.  Why,  how  now  Mistriss  ? 

Wife.  O  Mr.  Thornton,  I  never  see  you,  but  I  think  of  a  good  hus- 
1415  band. 

Rand.  I  marry  Sister,  that's  a  pretty  cast. 

Thorn.  Your  pardon  I  beseech  you  gentle  Mistriss  ;  Your  Factor  and 
myself  have  summ'd  your  state,  and  find  it  cleerly,  all  your  debts  dis- 
charg'd,  in  compleat  value  fifteen  thousand  pound. 

1420      Rand.  Ha,  ha,  Sister,  a  good  Dowry  to  get  a  new  husband,  trust 
me. 

Wife.  No,  no,  He  nere  marry  again  ;  lie  e'en  follow  Mr.  Thorn 
tons  rule,  you  see  he  lives  a  Batchellor. 

Rand.  Sir,  Methinks  'twere  good  you  took  a  wife,  and  so  leave  your 
1425  own  to  your  own  posterity. 

Thorn.  In  all,  lie  take  my  Mistress  counsel  :  Pray  resolve  me,  Had 

[E  3J  [1  a] 


38  The  Love  sick  King. 

I,  a  mind  to  marry,  which  in  your  judgement  were  the  fitter,  a  Maid,  or 
Widow  ? 

Wife.  Truly,  I  think  a  Widow  sir,  you  may  imagine,  I  may  speak 
I43o  somewhat  inmine  own  Flattery ;  but  alas, 'tis  a  state  I  shall  not  change! 
'Tis  for  your  good,  I  speak  in  love,  no  hate, 
A  Widow  sir,  will  best  secure  your  state. 

Thorn.  You  counsel  well  Mistriss,  and  He  think  on't. 
Wife.  The  sooner  the  better  too,  I  can  assure  you  ;  you'l  find  much 
1435  comfort  in't,  you  may  elect  some  young  green  thing  out  of  a  Mayden 
choyce,  that  may  be  fury  and  froward,  she  may  please  your  eye  a  little, 
and  other  parts  about  you,  but  vex  your  heart,  and  beagulphto  swallow 
your  estate  ;  If  you'l  deal  wisely  (as  I  hope  you  will)  take  me  a  Widow, 
that  knows  how  and  what  to  do,  that  has  been  season'd  in  a  husbands 
1440  usage,  and  one  that  will  obey  as  you  shall  honor  : 
He  that  will  quietly  lay  down  his  head, 
Let  him  contract  a  Widow  to  his  bed. 
And  still  I  say,  take  me  a  Widow,  sir. 

Rand.  Why,  you  say  honestly  Sister ;  Do  you  understand  her  sir  ; 
1445  she  bids  you  take  her  a  Widow. 
Wife.  You  are  merry  Brother. 

Thorn.  Nay  you  said  so  Mistriss,  speak 't  agen  then,  for  by  my  Faith, 
wer't  not  for  two  things  Mistriss,  I'd  come  a  wooing  to  you. 

Rand.  Two  things  ?  Why  three  things  shall  not  hinder  it ;  What 
I45o  are  they  ? 

Thorn.  My  first  fear  is,  the  marriage  of  so  much  wealth  as  ours 
compounded,  would  choak  all  content,  and  with  the  superflux  change 
all  to  cares. 

Rand.  You  take  good  course  for  that  already,  sir,  your  charitable 
1455  works  so  well  begun,  will  help  to  disperse  the  o're-plus  freely. 

Thorn.  You  have  removed  that  well,  the  other  is,  that  the  remem 
brance  of  my  poor  estate,  which  is  so  publickly  proclaimed  to  all  men, 
might  make  my  wealthy  Mistriss  here  disdain  me. 

Wife.  Nay,  that's  your  glory,  sir,  and  cannot  be  accounted  as  your 
1460  shame. 

Rand.  W'hy  La  sir,  she  has  helpt  that  her  self  now. 
Thorn.  Yfaith,  say  then  Mistriss  (I  am  a  bad  Wooer,  'tis   my   be 
ginning)  shall  it  be  a  match  ? 

Wife.  I  cannot  so  forget  my  late  lost  husband. 

1465      Rand.  Why,  this  repairs  your  losses,  Sister,  you  lost  a  good  one, 
and  find  his  equal  with  a  wealthy  purchase. 

[Thorn.] 


The  Love-sick  King.  39 

Thor.  Put  me  in  hope  that  I  may  once  injoy  you. 
Wife.  I  will  not  marry,  sir,  these  seven  years,  trust  me. 
Rand.  How  ?  this  seven  years  Sister  ?  fie  upon't,  we  may  be  all 
1470  dead  and  rotten  six  years  before  it ;  come,  come,  speak  in   compass 
sister. 

Wife,  Truely  Brother  under  half  a  year  I  won't  here  on't. 
Rand.  I  marry  sir,  that  was  well  bated.  Speak  agen  Sister,  arid  let  it  be 
a  fortnight. 
1475       Wife.  A  fortnight  ?  no,  no,  not  this  month,  beleeve  me. 

Ran.  Away,  away,  a  months  too  long,  hark  you  sister,  wee'l  clap  it 
up  privately  to  night,  and  the  Town  shall  not  know  on't  till  a  moneth 
hence. 

Wife.  To  night  ?  O  fie  upon't !  an  you  love  me   Brother  let  it  not 
1480  be  till  to  morrow  morning,  I  beseech  you,  for  the  speech  of  people. 
Ran.  Afraid  of  wind  Ptush  let  it  vanish  Sister,  I  say  he  shall  marry 
thee  to  night. 

Thor.  Let  it  be  so,  and  here's  an  earnest  Mistris.  Kiss. 

Wife.  Alas  I  kiss  coldly  in  a  morning  Gown  sir, 
1485       Thor.  Tush  it  shall  off ;  wee'l  marry,  then  to  bed, 
Wooing  is  idle,  better  to  be  sped. 
Wife.  Use  your  own  will  sir, 

Ran.  Why,  so,  'tis  as  it  sho'd  be  now  ;  imbrace  him  sister, 
And  live  in  love  and  wealth,  'bove  all  admir'd, 

1490  Here's  seven  years  quickly  in  an  hour  expir'd.  Exeunt. 

ACT,  4. 

Enter  King  of  Scots,  Alured,  Malcome,  Edmond,  and  Captains, 

Drums  and  Colours. 

K.  Thus  far  tryumphantly  with  good  success,  my  Princely  friends  we 
1495  have  together  march'd,  and  from  the  North  parts  quite  disperst  the 
Danes,  alone  the  City  York  holds  firm  again,  whose  buildings  we  will 
level  with  the  earth,  unless  they  suddenly  yeeld  up  the  City  ;  give 
your  advice  most  Princely  Alured,  on  your  fair  quarrel  all  our  Fates 
depend. 

i5oo  Alu.  Your  Highness  has  been  fruitful  in  your  love,  bringing  the  best 
that  Scotland  can  afford,  in  honorable  Armes  to  right  our  wrong,  let's 
forward  then,  and  dare  'em  to  the  Gates,  our  horses  hoofs  shall  fur 
row  up  their  Land,  and  sow  the  fields  with  blood  instead  of  corn. 

i  Cap.  Spoke  like  the   Brother  of  dead  Etheldred,  summon  'em  to 
i5o5  the  Wals.  Drums  beat  a  parly. 

Enter 


40  The  Love-sic  Ji  A'///// 

Enter  Above,  Harrold,  and  Souldicrs. 
Har.  The  meaning  of  this  Parly. 

King.  Danes  yee  see  all  hope  of  Conquest  has  forsaken  you  quite, 
Two  thousand  of  your  stoutest  Souldiers  are  fain  already  by  our  conquc- 
i5io  ring  swords,  if  ye  will  yceld  affirm  it,  if  not  death  shall  in  his  meagre  fu 
ry  through  your  Host,  revel  and  catch  your  Jubile.  Then  tell  us,  do  you 
resolve  to  fight  it  out  or  fly. 

Mai.  Or  stay  and  have  your  throats  cut  in  the  fight  ? 
Edm.  Or  leap  the  wals,  and  break  your  necks  before  us  ? 
i5i5      Mai.  Resolve  so  quickly,  and  save  us  a  labor. 

Har.  Yes,  with  immediate  speed,  set  ope  the  gates 
And  like  a  torrent  on  their  heads  wee'l  fall, 
The  Field  and  Air  shall  be  their  burial. 

King.  If  there  we  fall,  our  fame  out-lasts  times  date 
iSao  On  to  the  field,  blest  with  propitious  fate.  Exeunt. 

Alarm,    Excursions.    Enter    King,    Alured,    Malcome,    Ed- 

monil,    Captains. 

A!". All  earthly  honors  are  thine  own,  fair  Prince,  and  Heaven  fights  in 
thy  cause,  the  Cities  taken. 
i5a5      Alu.  The  Danes  are  all  expuls'd  and  fled  for  safety. 

Edm.  The  Danes  are  fled  from  danger,  not  from  shame 
That  still  pursues  'em  wheresoere  they  fly 
And  on  their  Tombs  shall  live  eternally. 

Mai.  Let's  seek  the  Love-sick  King  Canutus  forth, 
:53o  And  in  one  Battel  try  his  valors  worth. 

Alu.  That's  our  intent  most  noble  Malcome,  but  we  must  war  se 
curely,  all  their  strength  will  now  be  bandied  to  oppose  our  coming,  and 
therefore  whilst  you  here  refresh  your  Army,  Duke  Edmond  and  my 
self  will  try  our  friends,  and  in  these  North  parts  gather  up  new  Forces  to 
1 535  aid  us  'gainst  all  Danish  stratagems. 

King.  We  like  it  well,  assist  us  gracious  Fate, 

To  seat  a  true  Prince  in  his  Royal  state.  Exeunt. 

Enter     Thornton,      Wtfe,     Randolf,     the     Partners,      Workmen,     and 

George,     with    the    table    of    the    writing     in     golden     Letters, 
1540  and    Grims    speech. 

Part.  Y'ave  stoln  a  wealthy  marriage  Mr-  Thornton  unwares  to  all 
the  Town,  but  we  are  glad  we  are  so  well  deceived. 

Thor.  Faith  Gentlemen,  it  was  not  to  abridge  the  Nuptial  Feast,  for 

that  shall  have  his  full  Solemnity,  but  from  some  private  causes  of  my 

1545  Mistris.  Whose 


The  Love- sick  King.  41 

Whose  power  retains  all  former  dutie  from  me, 
And  as  a  Servant  still  she  shall  command  me. 

Wife.  Not  so  sir,  I  resign  that  title  now,  my  self  and  state  are  onely 
by  your  power  to  be  dispos'd  and  sway'd. 

i55o  Rand.  I,  well  said  sister  :  This  match  was  richly  made,  with  liking  and 
with  joy  to  all  the  Country.  And  Brother  Thornton  (so  He  call  you  now) 
I  came  prepar'd  to  give  you  fit  surrender  of  the  last  Bargain  which  you 
purchas'd  of  me. 

Thor.  Your  Coal-pits  and  your  Servants  Brother  Randolf. 
i555      Rand.  Yes  sir,  and  look  }'ou,  this  is  the  Orator  must  speak  for  all, 
in  his  mouth  they  have  put  the  Law  and  willingness  they  have  to 
serve.  Enter  Grim. 

Thor.  Who  honest  Grim  ? 

Grim.  Yes  sir,  and  I  am  the  Prologue  to  the  Play, 
i56o  And  for  them  all  I  have  to  say. 

Seven  hundred  men  in  sable  wise, 
From  forth  the  Coal-pits  shall  arise, 
Not  melting  men  made  out  of  wax, 
But  such  as  use  Spade  and  Pick-ax. 
i565  Who  when  you  bid  'em  use  their  skils 
Shall  make  a  Dale  of  Mauburn  hils, 
Then  raise  a  Mount  as  high  as  Poles 
And  turn  it  strait  to  burning  coals. 

Thor.  This  speech  I  think  was  pen'd  on  purpose. 

1570      Grim.  I  speak  deep  things,  some  sir,  of  5o  fathom  deep,   I  do  it 
de  profoundis,  and  no  disparagement  to  the  Author,  that  which  I  have 
spoken  was  in  as 
Good  ryme  as  ent'ring  in, 
With  hope,  a  half-penny,  and  a  Lambs-skin. 
1675       Thor.  Ha,  ha,  thou  hit'st  me  there  yfaith. 

Grim,  I  give  you  a  taste  sir,  how  you  shall  find  me  here,  and  as  for 
my  seven  hundred  fellowers  they  are  honest  Tartarians,  and  whosoever 
deals  with  'em  shall  find  them  grim  fellows  I  assure  you. 

Thor.  Grim  thou  wert  always  honest,  and  on  my  word  thy  love  shall 
i58o  have  reward. 

Baily.  Sir,  all  your  works,  both  finished  and  intended,  are  pious, 
holy,  and  religious. 

Part.  And  in  the  goodness  if  you  still  persever 
You  build  your  self  a  house  in  Heaven  for  ever. 

1 585      Thor.  Heaven  have  the  praise  of  all,  and  look  ye  Gentlemen.  Reach 

me 


42  The  L< 

me  the  Table  George,  I  have  here  repair's!  the  copy  of  my  first  arrival 
here,  which  yet  hangs  up  insculp'd  on  a  tileshard  ;  but  now  'tis  rectifi'd 
in  golden  Letters,  with  the  same  phrase  stil,  onely  thus  alter'd. 
Here  at  this  West-gate  first,  came  Thornton  in 
iSgo      Grim.  With  hope,  a  halfpenny,  and  a  Lambs-skin. 
I  remember  that  still  sir. 

Gtorg.  How  now  Grim,  are  you  so  sawcy  Sirrah  ? 
Tkor.  'Tis  well  done  Grim,  I'd  ha't  remembred  ever,  go  place  it 
ore  the  gate  that  all  may  view  it,  and  witness  these  great  blessings  heaven 
i5g5  has  sent.  The  reason  why  I  urge  this  Register, 
To  have  my  memoiy  thus  kept  in  store, 
Is  not  my  wealth,  but  to  record  me  poor. 
Go  see  it  done.  Ex.  Workmen,  George 

George.  For  ever  may  it  stand  to  your  renown. 
1600      Part.  And  all  succeeding  fame, 

While  this  Town  stands  still  honor  Thorntons  name. 

Thorn.  Amidst  these  poor  indeavors  of  my  love,  my  careful  Master 
must  not  be  forgot, whose  Heir  I  am  become,  and  for  his  sake,  I  will  re- 
edifie  Alhallon'S  Church,  where  in  the  peaceful  bed  of  death  he  sleeps, 
i6o5  and  build  a  Tomb  for  him  cut  out  in  Touchstone,  which  in  our  Persian 
Voyage  was  return'd,  from  whence  my  golden  Mineral  arriv'd. 
Grim.  In  the  likeness  of  old  iron  sir. 
Thorn.  I,  thou  say'st  true  Grim. 

Grim.  I  have  wondered  a  thousand  times  old  Iron-fist  the  Smith  did 
1610  not  hang  himself  for  refusing  the  first  Tun  of  it,  a  whoreson  Cox 
comb. 

Wife.  They  say  you  got  somewhat  by  it  Grim. 

Grim.  Alas  Mistris,  a  few  chips  or  so,  some  ten  pounds  worth  for 
a  groat,  I  think  I  bought  on  him,  Shout, 

i6i5      Rand.  How  now,  what  mean  these  shouts  ? 

Grim.  I  think  there's  some  Match  at  Foot-bal  towards,  the  Colliers 
against  the  whole  Country  cut,  and  long  tail.  Enter  George 

Tkor.  What's  the  News  good  George  ? 

George  Prince  Alured    and  Edmond  Duke  of  Thetford    are  newly 
1620  lighted,  and  desire  to  speak  with  the  Town  Magistrates. 

Tkor.  We  shall  with  joy  receive  him  as  our  Prince,  and  wish  he  had 
as  free  possession  of  this  whole  Kingdom,  as  this  Town  shall  give  him. 

Enter  A  lured  and  Edmond. 

.  All.  See  where  he  comes  ;  All  duty  to  your  Highness. 
i6a5      Aim.   Rise  Gentlemen,  we  have  your  hearts,  forbear  your  knees, 

your 


The  Love-sick  King.  43 

your  true  Allcgaince  hath  proclaim'd  it  self  that  never  yeelded  yet  to  for- 
reign  Scepter,  you  have  fortified  your  walls  'gainst  all  invasions 
And  in  that  circuit  gloriously  she  stands 
With  kind  imbraces  to  infold  your  friends. 

i63o      Thor.  Our  Town,  our  selves,  our  lives  are  all  your  homigers,  as  the 
most  lawful  and  indubitate  Heir, 
To  our  late  Sovereign  Lord,  and  to  your  Throne. 
We  fall  as  Subjects,  you  we  know  our  own. 

Alu.  My  best  of  thanks  is  due  to  my  best  friends.  Which  is  the 
i635  man  amongst  yee  Gentlemen  that  bears  the  name  of  Tlwrnton  ? 
Thor.  Your  Subject  and  your  Servant,  Royal  sir. 
Alu.  Let  me  imbrace  you  sir,  and  tell  you  this,  your  goodness  speaks 
you  nobly  :  England  is  fam'd  in  this  fair  Town,  much  honored  by 
your  vertues.  Our  Countries  conquest  by  these  Danish  wars 
1640  Have  not  such  blazon  from  our  shame  exhal'd, 
As  these  your  good  deeds  now  have  countervail'd. 
Thor.  I  can  do  nothing  but  my  duty  sir. 

Alu.  'Tis  worthy  praise  in  all,  and  trust  me  Gentlemen,  we  have 
good  hope  to  see  a  happy  day,  and  once  again  make  England  singular, 
1645  Free  in  her  self  and  Princes.  I  came  now  with  my  best  Hors-manship  from 
the  Scotch  Army,  whose  Royal  King  in  Neighbor  amity,  is  arm'd  in  my 
just  cause,  has  past  the  Tweed  with  prosperous  forrage  through  Nor 
thumberland,  all  Holds  and  Castles  taken  by  the  Danes  restore  them 
selves  to  his  subjection  in  our  behalf.  The  City  York  is  won,  from  whence 
i65o  I  came. 

Ed.  And  whilst  we  forrage  thus,  their  King  Canutus,  doating  on 
the  beauties  of  Cartesmunda  Nun  of  Winchester, 
Of  his  estate  so  careless  now  is  grown, 
Hee'l  put  no  arms  but  Cartesmunda  s  on. 

i655  Thor.  Go  forward  noble  Princes,  your  work's  good,  and  to  incou- 
rage  it,ten  thousand  pounds  He  lend  your  grace  to  leavySouldiers,whch 
if  you  never  pay,  lie  never  aske,  and  for  my  own  imployment  to  your 
aid,  He  lend  (if  you  will  honor  me  so  far)  all  the  full  strength  New 
castle  can  afford,  I  have  seven  hundred  men  that  call  me  Master. 
1660  Grim.  Besides  Grim  the  chief  Controler  sir. 

Thor.  Very  true  sir,  and  these  He  four  times  double, 
And  three  months  shall  their  charge  be  mine  alone, 
To  back  your  Right  and  seat  you  in  your  Throne. 

Alu.  Your  bounty  and  your  love  exceeds  all  means  of  president  and 
i665  recompence. 

[F  2]  [Thor.] 


44  The  Lnrt'-sn-h  King. 

Thor.  Tis  but  my  duty  still,  which  He  not  slack,  go  Grim  and  muster 
my  seven  hundred  Colliers,  to  them  ile  add  two  thousand  more  of  our 
Neit'castle  strength,  and  thou  shall  be  an  Officer  to  conduct  'em. 

Grim.  For  a  Corporal  or  so,  let  me  alone  with  my  Squadron,  I  dare 
1670  undertake  with  my  seven  hundred  Colliers  in  six  days,  under  ground,  to 
march  to  London,  they  shall  dig  their  way  themselves  too. 
Rand.  And  know  'tis  two  hundred  miles. 

Grim.  That's  nothing,  Ile  march  forty  miles  a  day  with  'em  at  pleasure, 

there  is  no  Pioneer  to  be  compared  to  a  Collier  in  his  Coal-pit,  if  youle 

i6y5  have  a  dozen  Cities  as  we  go,  undermin'd  and  blown  up,  give  but  every 

man  a  bushel  of  Apples  to  his  Breakfast,  and  you  shall  hear  the  wind 

roar  and  shake  the  ground  like  an  Earthquake. 

Thor.  Well  sir,  wee'l  try  their  valors  ;  go  George,  get  Armor  ready, 
and  Grim,  get  thou  a  Drum  and  Marshal  'em. 

1680  Grim.  If  you  wo'd  rake  hell  and  Phlegitan,  Acaron  dnd  Barrathrum, 
all  those  Low  Countries  cannot  yeeld  you  such  a  company  .Tara,ra,ra,ra, 
ra,  O  brave  Master,  now  for  a  company  of  conquering  Colliers.  Come 
George.  Exit. 

Thor.  Now  would  it  please  my  Leige  so  far  to  grace  his  humble 
i685  Subjects  and  their  new  built  Town  to  take  a  homely  Banquet,  we  sho'd 
think  'twere  royal  Neighborhood  to  heat  our  buildings. 

Alu.  We  cannot  be  unkind,  though  to  your  hurt,  we  will  dispense 
with  our  great  hast  so  long,  and  then  from  Banquets  unto  Battels  fly ; 
Which  Heaven  (we  hope)  will  guide  successfully.  Exeunt. 

1690  Enter  Harold,  Huldrick,  Osrick,  Captains,  and  Lords  of 

Denmark. 

Hul.  Go  let  our  Drums  and  Trumpets  spight  of  fear,  thunder  aloud  i'th 
Air,  and  tell  Canutus,  his  Captains  do  attend  to  speak  with  himhe  pro- 
mis'd  to  come  down. 
1695      Har.  Yes  down  toth'earth. 

Hul.  And  in  the  shameful  ruins  he  prepares  with  lust,  and  murder,  bu 
ry  up  his  name,  he's  known  by  nothing  but  a  large  defame,  the  City 
York  for  want  of  aid  is  lost,  and  still  the  foe  pursues,  if  thus  we  stand  to 
sooth  him  in  this  sin,  our  conquest  dies. 
1700      And  we  in  blood  must  end  our  victories,  'sfoot  sound  and  call  him. 

Enter  Hoffman. 
Hof.  Give  your  attendance  Lords,  the  King  is  coming. 

A  flourish,  and  Drums  and  Trumpets. 
Hul.  Tis  time  he  sho'd,  he  has  been  absent  long 
I7o5  And  done  his  honor,  fame[,]  and  Country  wrong. 

[How] 


The  Love- sick  King.  45 

How  did  he  take  your  reprehension  Harold  ? 

Har.  It  startled  him  at  first,  but  when  with  mildness  he  did  appoint 
this  general  meeting  to  us,  to  what  good  purpose  it  inclines  I  know 
not. 
1710      Osr.  I  hope  the  best,  see  here  he  comes,  my  Lord. 

Florish.    Enter   Canutus   leading   Cartesmunda,   richly  attired   and 

deckt  with  Jewels,   Hofman,   and   Gentlemen   attending. 
Can.  Where  are  our  Vassals,  attend  your  charge,  and  our  delight, 
with  all  your  best  of  care  and  diligence,  or  by  those  stars  whose  influence 
iyi5  made  me  great ;  you  dye  in  Torments  all,  let  not  the  Sun  extort  from 
her  bright  Rayes,  to  give  him  lustre  (or  if  inamor'd  as  we  know  he  is) 
unless  the  Alpes  have  frozen  up  his  Flames. 
Let  him  not  on  her  smooth  front  dart  his  heat, 
No,  not  for  all  his  glory  or  arched  seat. 
1720      Omnes.  All  health  and  honor  to  the  great  Canutus. 

Can.  Rise  in  our  favor,  vail  thy  face  my  love,  we  must  not  have  thee 
seen  too  much  by  slaves. 

Cap.  Content,  attend  the  King  and  his  fair  love. 
Osr.  Long  may  she  be  the  Mistriss  of  his  youth  : 
1726      Capt.  And  give  him  heaven  on  earth. 

Har.  And  hell  to  boot  :  S'death  shall  we  flatter  thus  ? 
Can  :  So,  now  you  crouch  and  fawn  like  daunted  Curs  that  dare  not 
look    the    Lion    in    the    face  ;    Come    Cartesmunda    mount    Canutus 
Throne.  Flourish. 

1730  Let  me  unvail  thy  face,   and  tell  me  now,   which  of  you  all  that 
thus  have  tax'd  my  lightness,  cu'd  (if  possest  of  such  a  Jem  as  this)  less 
value  it  then  I  :  What  think'st  thou  Osrick  ? 
Osr.  I  have  not  seen  the  like. 

Can.  Nor  ever  shall,  what  Nature  had  in  store  was  given  to  her, 
1735  And  can  one  crown'd  with  such  a  heavenly  weight, 
Live  and  forgo  this  Center  of  delight. 

Hul.  Let  not  these  vain  Affections  (Royal  Lord)  sway  you  from 
reason  thus. 

Can.  Ha  !  What  is  he  ? 

1740  Hul.  Do  you  not  know  me  sir  ?  the  time  has  been,  when  in  thy  Bat 
tels  Huldrick  has  been  seen  knee  deep  in  blood,  cutting  his  way  by 
force,  careless  of  life  to  free  thy  Royal  person,  and  does  your  Mighti 
ness  not  know  me  now  ?  Then  hear  the  news  I  bring  to  comfort  you  : 
The  Danes  once  stil'd  by  Names  of  Conquerors,  are  now  subdued  and 
1745  slain,  The  Kingof  Scots  banded  together  with  the  English  forces,  have  late 

F  [3]  at 


46  The  Love  sick  King. 

at    York  o'rethrown   our  Garrisons,   and  now  to  London  march  vi 
ctoriously,  defacing  all,  thy  conquer'd  Cities  burn  ; 
And  in  their  falls,  the  flames  do  rise  so  high, 
They  seem  to  light  the  Tapers  of  the  skie. 

1 7.30  And  since  Fames  Trump  which  oft  hath  summon'd  thee,  is  not  so  potent 
asto  draw  thee  forth,  thy  honor  bids  me  dare  thee  to  the  Field,  if  thy 
high  spirit  be  not  extinct  by  Lust  :  Let's  arm  our  selves  for 
shame. 

Can.  Traytor,  thou  hast  deserved  death  ere  thou  dyest ;  and  this  thy 
1755  proud  presume  shall  break  thy  neck,  for  chafing  our  high  blood  ;  O 
love  thou  art  unjust,  I  feel  assaults  far  sharper  in  my  breast,then  all  the 
English  P'orces,  'gainst  this  wall  ;  now  love  and  honor,  with  their  oppo 
site  powers 

Afflicts  my  soul,  and  with  their  vertuous  strife, 
1760  Plead  for  my  Love,  my  Honor,  Fame,  and  Life  ; 
With  this  mans  words,  my  passions  strongly  move, 
He  for  my  honor  speaks.  Honor,  but  Love 
I  am  thy  Martyr  now,  and  must  go  on, 
For  what  is  Honor  but  Addition, 

i;65  Got  in  our  pride  of  youth  ;  yet  stay  Canutus,  think  of  thy  wonted 
Fame,  go  on  and  conquer.  Give  me  my  horse,  and  I  will  quickly  quell 
'um. 

Cartes.  What  will  Canutus  do  ? 

Can.  O  Cartesmunda,   with    that    heavenly    voyce,   already    I    am 
1770  chang'd,  stern  War  remains  ;  Kiss  me,  and  kiss  me  dead,  my  best  of 
Loves. 

Osr.  Hee's  chang'd  agen. 

Hul.  This  Strumpets  eye,  does  sure  bewitch  him  with  her  Sorcery  ; 
He  not  indure  this  shame.  Enter  a  Post. 

1 775      Post.  Where  is  my  Lord  ? 

Can.  Where  thou  shalt  not  be  long  :  What  wouldst  thou  Villain  ? 
Post.  Arm  mighty  Prince,  we  have  descried  at  hand,  the  Horse  and 
Ensigns  of  the  English  Army,  troop'd  with  their  Leaders  like  the  gods 
of  War,  who  in  bright  steel,  the  fields  do  stoutly  bear. 
1780      Can.  And  there  seek  that  which  thou  vile  Dog  shalt  have;  Comest 
thou  to  fright  my  Love  ?  .{ills  him. 

Hul.  Do  not  expose  a  mighty  Nation,  thus  naked,  to  the  Tyranny  of 
Lust,  Canutus. 
Can.  Traytor. 

Hul. 


The  Lore-sick  King.  47 

1785  Hul.  As  thou  art  great,  be  just,  Let  not  a  Strumpets  love,  work  all 
our  Ruines ;  the  Enemie's  at  hand,  and  from  thy  side ;  He  force  this  painted 
Whore. . 

Car.  Help  me  Canutus. 
Hul.  What,  can  you  cry  ? 
1790      Can.  Wer't  thou  Joves  Mynion,  slave,  thou  thus  had'st  dy'd 

Canutus  runs  at  hint,  catches  her  up  in  his  arms,  and  runs 

upon  his  sword. 
Hul.  He  meet  it  thus, 
And  dying  so  my  end  is  glorious. 
1795      Car.  Oh  I  am  slain  ! 

Hul.  I  have  my  happy  wish  then,  Welcome  death, 
I  dyed  (Canutus)  to  preserve  thy  breath.  Dyes. 

Can.  Sink  down  to  hell ;  What  has  my  rashness  done  ? 

0  Cartesmunda,  stay  thy  fainting  breath, 

1800  Thou  still  shalt  live  with  me  in  spight  of  death  : 

Car.  My  Fate  is  come,  great  King,  my  vestal  Vow,  that  broken,  with 
my  wish  is  fain  upon  me. 

For  your  fair  love  I  fayl'd  my  faith  with  heaven, 
And  from  your  hand  my  death  is  justly  given. 
i8o5  Such  was  my  former  wish,  farewel  Canutus. 
And  with  my  fall  may  thy  great  Fame  arise, 
Poor  Cai-tesmunda,  thus  untimely  dyes.  Dyes. 

Can.  May  all  the  world  dye  with  thee  ;  now  I  see 
The  heavens  envy  an  earthly  Diety. 

1810      Har.  Brave  Huldrick  that  durst  dye  for  Countries  good, 
And  for  our  freedom  spent  thy  life  and  blood. 

Canut.  Ha,  sit  you  weeping  there  ;  or  has  Amazement  turn'd  you 
into  stone, 

That  like  men  gasping  all  Medusias  stand, 
i8i5  To  see  my  Love  thus  fall  by  mine  own  hand  : 

Our  Self  will  instantly  be  in  the  Field,  and  scourge  the.English  pride  and 
Inhabitants.  Sound  up  our  Drum,  and  call  our  Troops  together,  and 
arm  with  speed,  He  to  the  Field,  and  fight ;  Farewel  dear  Love,  whom 

1  of  life  bereft,  for  which  unwilling  Act,  O  pardon  me  : 
1820  Canutus  arms,  a  while  shall  be  thy  Tomb, 

Then  gold  inclose  thee  till  the  day  of  Doom.  Exeunt. 

[Ad.] 


is  The  Love-sick  King. 

ACT.  V. 
At  one   Door,   Enter  Canutus,   Harold,   Captains,    with    Drum 

and  Colours. 
i8a5  At  the  other,   Malcol.   Alured,   Edtn.   Drum,   with  Colours. 

Can.  How  harsh  these  Drums  sound  now,  that  once  like  Musick,  did 
more  delight  mine  ear  than  Orpheus  Lute  ; 
Sweet  Cartesmundas  death  my  senses  kill, 

Like  one  long  sick,  I  relish  all  things  ill.  Enter  all  the  Colliers. 

i83o      Har.  Courage  my  Lord,  see  where  the  English  stand  braving  your 
Mightiness  :  Let's  set  upon  'em,  and  never  leave  till  to  their  mother 
Earth  they  pay  their  lives  as  Tribute.  Now,  what  sayes  Canutus? 
Can.  That  ye  are  all  Rebels. 
Om.  Eng.  Rebels  ? 
i835      Alu.  Stay  let  him  speak  it  out. 

Can.  An  hundred  thirteen  years,  the  English  Kings,  have  paid  to 
Denmark,  and  our  Ancestry  an  annual  Tribute  of  ten  thousand  pounds, 
which  you  unjustly  and  rebelliously  detain  from  me,  a  lawful  successor. 
Alur.   'Tis   true   Canutus,    that    the    Denmark    Kings,   so  long  our 
1840  native  Island  hath  usurp'd,  and  whilst  they  kept  within  their  Danish 
bounds,  and  left  us  to  enjoy  our  own  in  peace,  we  justly  paid  our  homage 
Fealty.  But  since  your  Father  Hardiknute  arose,  and  you  succeeding 
him,  neither  content  with  that  our  Tribute,  but  would  further  seek  our 
utter  Extirpation,  which  five  and  twenty  years  you  have  attempted, 
1845  planting  here  your  selves  in  Norfolk,  Suffolk,  and  in  Cambridgeshire, 
erecting  Garrisons  through  all  our  Kingdom  against  the  Laws  of  former 
Articles,  we  now  resolve  to  spend  our  Royal  blood,  and  either  counter 
vail  our  former  loss,  or  hazard  all  we  hold,  by  doubtful  battel. 

Can.  That  is  your  answer  then  ? 
i85o      Omnes.  Resolvedly  for  all. 

Can.  Now  by  the  high,  and  Royal  blood  of  Kings. 
Edm.  Swear  by  the  beauteous  Nun  of  Winchester  ;  you  oft  have  kist 
that  book. 

Can.  And  that  one  word,  has  rais'd  more  vigor  in  my  active  blood, 
i855  then  ere  her  beauty  flam'd  my  Appetite  to  crop  the  sweets  of  Love. 
Mai.  It  shall  be  cool'd  with  better  spels  than  earst  her  wanton  Magick 
could  e're  invent  to  lay  thy  burning  Ardor. 
All.  Danes.  Parly  no  more  Canutus. 
Can.  O  Cartesmunda  from  thy  gentle  Arms, 

1860  I  flye  to  conquer  in  Wars  rough  Alarms.  Exeunt. 

Alarm.  Excursions.  Enter  Canutus  and  Alured. 

Can. 


The  Love-sick  King,  49 

Can.  Why  do'st  not  strike  ?  do'st  thou  not  like  thy  Aym  ?  or  do'st 
not  know  me  ?  I  am  the  Danish  King,  that  which  all  Souldiers  seek  in 
bloody  War,  may  here  be  got  on  me,  eternal  honor  and  easily  too,  for 
i865  by  the  powers  that  made  me,  my  senses  are  benummed. 

Alur.  I  dare  not,  nor  will  take  no  such  Advantage,  though  I  on  thee 
could  vent  my  roughest  spleen;  pass  safe, my  Lord,  I  will  not  fight  withyou 
for  your  fair  Sisters  sake,  whose  love  was  to  me  so  high  and  potent,  that  it 
did  attract  her  Virgin-thoughts  to  dart  Loves  joyes  into  me,  and  for  the 
1870  zeal  due  to  her  Memory,  keep  what  I  co'd  take  from  you,  Life  and 
Honor. 

Can.  I  prethee  take  it,  He  yeeld  it  willingly,  and,  for  I  see  thou  art 
religious  in  thy  love,  let  me  imbrace  thy  brest,  and  of  my  Love,  bright 
Cartesmunda  Nun  of  Winchester,  He  tell  so  sad  a  Tale. 
1875      Alur.  I  cannot  stay  to  hear  it,  hark  great  Sir, 
Wars  Mu  sick  summos  me,  for  Elginas  sake, 
I  slip  the  Advantage  that  Fate  bids  me  take.  Exit. 

Can.  O  for  a  Midwife,  I  am  big  with  grief, 
And  fain  would  be  delivered,  tho  with  death. 
1880  Alarms.     Enter    Harold,     Osrick,     Captains,     and    Souldiers. 

Har.  See  where  he  stands,  secure  him  Souldiers,  Never  did  man  so 
feebly  use  his  sword  in  such  sad  times  of  Terror,  O  my  Lord,  can  you 
in  all  this  danger  be  thus  calm  ? 

Os.Though  youneglectyour  self,  yet  prize  your  honor,  or  if  notthat,  yet 
i885  for  your  subjects  sake,  be  pleas'd  to  re-assume  your  wonted  valor. 

Can.  Can  he  be  valiant  that's  without  a  heart  ?  or  can  a  senseless 
Trunck  have  sense  of  Loss  ? 

Such  have  you  made  me,  therefore  share  the  gain, 
And  to  these  English  leave  your  Lives  and  Fame. 
1890      All.  There  is  no  way  but  Flight. 

Can.   Thank  your  selves  for't ;  had  Cartesmunda  liv'd,  and  grac'd 
mine  Attempts,  but  with  a  smile  ;  these  English,  would  as  soon  take 
part  with  those  that  from  Olympus  strove  to  pluck  down  Jove,  as  look 
upon  Canutus  sound  Retreat,  the  blood  of  Cartesmunda  stirs  the  gods 
i8o,5  for  this  Revenge  ;  and  if  this  may  appease  her  angry  soul,  we  get  by  lo 
sing  it ;  Do  what  yee  will,  for  I  will  never  more  taste  joy  on  earth;  her 
death  makes  all  things  poor. 
Omnes.  What  shall  we  do  ? 
Har.  What  else,  but  fight  and  dye, 
1900  And  in  our  deaths  hide  all  our  Infamy. 


50  The  Love-sick  King. 

Alarm.  Enter  Thornton,  Randolph,  and  the  Colliers,  they  fight  and 
take  Canutus  prisoner,  and  drive  out  the  rest.  A  Florish  and  a 
Retreat  sounded. 

K.   Scots.    Enter  A  lured,    Donald,    Malcolme,   Edmond,   Thornton,   with 
igo5      prisoners,    Grim,  and    the  Colliers,   leading    Canutus,   and    Osrick. 

K.  Thus  from  the  usurped  Temples  of  Canutus,  we  take  the  Eng 
lish  Crown  and  plant  it  here,  to  whom  in  right  it  legally  belongs.  Princes 
and  Souldiers,  now  with  me  proclaim  Victorious  Alured,  Englands 
Sovereign, 
i  10      Omnes.  Long  live  great  Alured  our  lawful  King.  Florish  : 

Alur.  First  to  all-helping  heaven  due  thanks  we  give, 
Then  next  to  you,  by  whom  our  glories  live. 

Grim.  'Twas  I  that  took  him  prisoner,  my  Lord,  the  Colliers  are 
the  Conquerors. 
igi5      Alu.  We  will  reward  your  Valours. 

Har.   Propose  a  ransome   Royal  Alured,  to  sad  Canutus  and  his 
Country-men. 

Can.  Give  me  no  Ransom  sir,  O  let  me  dye,  in  Cartesmundas  death 

I  brake  my  vow,  and  for  her  sake  I  have  neglected  all,  and  willingly  have 

1920  sought  mine  own  sad  ruine  ;  He  have  no  Ransom,  Cartesmundas  dead, 

let  me  be  buried  with  her,  that's  all  the  mercy  I  now  will  beg  of  thce 

from  all  thy  Conquests. 

Alu.  No,  great  Canutus,  for  I  pitty  thee,  I  call  to  mind  thy  Royal 
Sisters  love,  beauteous  Elgina,  worthier  then  thy  Nun,  whose  lovingheart 
1925  wasonceunbosom'dhere,andforhersake,Ilelikeabrother  use  thee, this 
one  condition  frees  thee  ransomless,  that  you  abate  the  Fealty  we  paid 
you,  you  shall  return  unto  your  State  in  Denmark,  and  henceforth 
even  as  brothers  wee  will  live,  exchanging  Embassies  of  Love  and 
Honor.  And  now  to  you  my  worthy  Country-men  it  shall  be  texted  to 
igSo  your  lasting  fame,  that  your  Newcastle  strength  set  England  free  in  .this 
dayes  fair  and  happy  Victory,  for  which,  and  for  thy  sake  (most  worthy 
Thornton)  wee'l  give  a  lasting  honor  to  the  Town,  now  beautified  by  thee 
with  Wals  and  Towers,  to  which  wee'l  add  all  noble  priviledge  belonging 
to  a  Town  Incorporate ;  and  for  your  former  Government  of  Poretereans, 
1935  we  here  establish  it  a  Majoralty,  and  Thornton  as  the  first  we  here 
create  Mayor  of  Newcastle,  and  give  thee  the  power  to  elect  a  brother 
hood  of  Aldermen,  with  choice  of  Sheriffs  to  assist  thy  Government,  your 
Charter  shall  be  drawn  with  fullest  strength, 
Even  with  the  fairest  Cities  of  our  Land, 
1940  This  Sword  confirms  it  from  King  Alureds  hand  ; 

Bear 


The  Love-sick  King.  51 

Bear  it  before  ye  still. 

Thorn.  Your  Highness  gives  us  honor  'bove  our  Merits. 

Alur.  We  have  not  yet  done  all,  but  what  we  want,  wee'l  study  to 
requite  to  thee  and  them. 

1945  Grim.  Then  since  your  grace  is  got  into  the  giving  Vain,  I  beseech 
you  sir,  Let  Corporal  Grim  be  bold  to  put  a  Colliers  request  into  one  ot 
your  ears. 

Alur.  What's  that  Grim  ? 

Grim.  Only  this  sweet  King,  I  that  for  thy  service  sake  was  Corporal, 

ig5o  to  be  Warden  of  your  Coal-Carriers,  to  provide  Coals,  Surreverence, 

for  your  Highness  own  tooth,  He  promise  you  weight  and  measure,  if 

none  of  your  Officers  do  purloyn,  and  warm  their  Noses  at  your  fires 

in  their  own  Chimnies. 

Alu.  A  reasonable  Request  :  Thou  art  our  Coal-carrier. 
ig55      Grim.  Nay,  I!e  carry  no  Coals  neither,  I  can  tell  you,  and  yet  I  have 
another  Chaldron  of  curtesies  to  desire  from  your  kindness,  that  in  re 
membrance  of  Newcastle  Colliers  that  have  fought  so  bravely,  we  may 
from  henceforth  have  the  upper  shoulder,  and  the  wall  of  Croydon  Col 
liers.,  and  that  if  ever  they  be  found  with  a  Goose  in  their  sacks,  they  may 
1960  be  made  to  stand  a  whole  Market  day  in  the  Bakers  Pulpit,  because  they 
shewed  themselves  Cowards  to  their  Country,  and  durst  not  fight 
against  the  Danes,  as  we  have  done. 

Alur.  All  this  is  granted  sir. 

Grim.  Then  stand  thy  ground,  old  Coal  of  Newcastle,  and  a  fig  for 
1965  Cray  den. 

Alur.  How  now,  still  sad  Canutusl  We  now'must  war  with  love,  to 
raise  this  siege,  which  we  will  do  with  Banquets,  and  with  Revels. Great 
King  of  Scotland,  we  are  yet  a  debtor  to  your  kind  love,  which  thus  we 
'gin  to  pay,  all  those  our  Northern  borders  bounding  on  Cumberland,  from 
1970  Tine  to  Tweed,  we  add  unto  your  Crown,  so  'twas  fore-promised,  and 
'tis  now  perform'd  ;  Most  fit  it  is  that  we  be  ever  lovers  ;  The  Sea  that 
binds  us  in  one  Continent, 
Doth  teach  us  to  imbrace  two  hearts  in  one, 
To  strengthen  both  'gainst  all  invasion. 
1975  Look  up  Canutus  now  all's  cleer  above, 
Let  Cartesmunda  dye  in  our  new  love  ; 
And  let  swift  fame  thy  former  glories  ring, 
And  hide  the  follies  of  a  Love-sick  King.  Exeunt  omnes. 

FINIS. 


NOTES. 

1.13.  The  C  of  i  Captain  is  bigger  than  the  C  of  2.  Captain. 
1.  52.  Recall  your  spirits.  For  recall  =  call  back,  cp.  1.  235  and 

If  Henry  were  recall'd  to  life  again, 

These  news  would  cause  him  once  more  yield  the  ghost. 

IH  VI.  I,  1.66. 
1.  58.  The  s  of  us  is  inverted. 

1.  68.  be  hurled  =  hurl,  rush  impetuously,  v.  N.E.D.  i.v.  hurl  2. 
1.  7O.  Notice  the  contamination  of  the  two  constructions  :  «  'tis  for 

Englands  safety  -  -  that  I  became  »,  and  «  Englands  safety  -  -  - 

makes  me  ». 

1.  74.  amazes,  terrifies,  alarms,  cp.  Julius  Caesar  III,  i.  96. 
1.  74.  Read  '  This  '  for  '  His  '  if  the  words  are  considered  to  be 

addressed  to  the  King.  If,  as  I  think,  they  are  an  aside  His  has 

to  be  retained. 
1.  77.  see  —  to  fight.  For  infinitive  with  to  after  see  cp.  Taming  of  the 

Shrew  I,  i.  179,  and  Franz,  Shakespeare  Grammatik  §  494. 
1.  83.  There  is  no  period  after  Ent  —.  Edel  has  only  one  I  here. 
1.  86.  thorough.  Cp.  Julius  Caesar  V,  i.  no.  —  guards  in,  attends, 

escorts  into  the  town.  v.  N.E.D.  i.v.  guard  i.d. 
1.  88.  to  cause  on  to  fight.  I  have  been  unable  to  find  another  instance 

of  this  construction. 
L  96.  Comma  after  Alur  in  the  original. 
1.  los.  The  semicolon  after  '  it '  is  very  indistinct  ;  it  may  be  a 

comma  only. 
1.  128.  Harold  is  sometimes  written  with  r  sometimes  with  rr\n  the 

text. 
1.  152.  King.  Only  the  tops  of  the  letters  are  visible.  —  There  is  no 

hyphen  between  Love  and  sick  at  the  top  of  A  3  verso  (p.  5). 
1.  175.  No  period  after  Abb. 
1.  iso.  The  comma  after  lust  is  indistinct. 
1.  189.  Hofman.  Note  the  single/. 
1.  199.  I  am  taken  strangely,   I   am   strangely   affected,  captivated, 

charmed.  Cp.  I  long  To  hear  the  story  of  your  life,  which  must 

Take  the  ear  strangely.  Tempest  V,  3i3. 

1.  214.  I  cud,  icud,  icod,  ecod.  Cp.  Englische  Studien  XXIV,  p.  47  ff. 
It  is  just  possible  that  I  cud  stands  for  /  could,  and  that  Canutus 

interrupts  himself.  Cp.  wud  1.  317. 

1.  222-223.  The  C  of  Cartes,  and  Canut.  is  bigger  than  elsewhere. 
1.  24*.  Consume.  Cp.  Much  Ado  III,  i.  78. 

1.  247.  sudden,  rapid,  quick.  —  May  it  please  my  lord  To  taste  a  glass 
of  Greek  wine  first,  and  suddenly  She  shall  attend  my  lord,  — 
A  New  Way  to  pay  Old  Debts.  Ill,  2. 


54 

1.  *53.  Idea  seems  to  bo  used  here  for  «  the  ideal  realized  in  an 
individual  ».  Cp.  N.E.D.  i.v.  idea  z^b. 

1.  «7».  Cp.  We'll  joy  in  such  a  son.  Pericles  I,  i.  118. 

1.  **6.  The  meaning  seems  to  be  :  Let  not  the  sun  be  worshipped 
more  by  the  Barbarian  than  we  worship  her. 

1.  so*.  Epithite  is  in  the  original. 

1.  318.  What  makest  Ihou  here?  Cp.  I  Honest  Whore  I,  i.  I'm  well  - 
what  makes  this  doctor  here  ? 

1.  81*.  For  death's  ebon  dart  cp.  Venus  and  Adonis.  948. 

1.  S*M.  Woo't.  Cp.  Franz  $  20  d. 

1.  330.  begirt.  Cp.  Then  as  we  are,  Souldiers,  begirt  vs  round.  Valiant 
Welshman  III,  3.  55.  —  Paradise  Lost  V,  868.  —  The  beauteous 
spirits  do  engirt  thee  round.  Campion,  First  Book  of  Airs,  20. 

1.  3«*.  give  ore,  cease,  stop  speaking.  —  I  have  given  over,  I'll  speak 
no  more.  Henry  IV  B.  II,  3.  5. 

1.  SHJ».  The  »  of  English  is  inverted. 

1.  400.  resolve,  inform,  tell.  Cp.  But  he  departed  straight,  1  ran  resolve 
you.  Epicoene  II,  2.  —  For  I  suppose  that  you  can  full  discourse 
And  flat  resolve  me  of  the  thing  I  seek.  Arden  ofFeversham  I,  i .  456. 

1.  4O*.  The  comma  after  murdred  may  be  a  semicolon. 

1.  4O».  There  is  no  period  after  '  Lady'. 

1.  4io.  To  give  entertainment  to  the  triumphant  Canutus. 

1.  4io.  Read  '  their '  for  '  his '. 

1.  433.  Juggy.  Diminutive  oijug,  a  pet  name  for  Joan  ;  applied  as 
a  common  name  to  a  sweetheart  or  mistress,  v.  N.E.D.  i.v.  — 
«  Come  forward,  Jug  »  says  the  Clown  to  his  sister  Joan  in 
Merlin  II,  i. 

1.  430.  Catastrophe,  the  posteriors.  Cp.  A  plague  of  this  winde  ;  O, 
it  tickles  our  Catastrophe.  Merry  Devil  of  Edmonton  II,  i.  —  He 
tickle  his  catastrophe  for  this.  ibid.  V,  2.  Cp.  H  4  B  II,  i,  66. 

1.  44*.  Myllan  needles.  Besides  Milanese  needles,  Spanish  ones  are 
mentioned  :  Now  vse  your  bodkin,  Your  Spanish  needle,  and  your 
pressing  Iron.  Arden  of  Fever  sham  I,  i. 
fustian,  worthless. 

1.  448.  Eels-skins.  The  N.E.D.  has  :  Merchant  of  eel-skins  =  ?  rag  and 
bone  collector. 

1.  44«.  In  Elizabethan  English  horrible  was  used  adverbially  in  the 
sense  of '  very,  very  much ',  much  in  the  same  way  as  '  awfully ' 
is  used  in  modern  slang.  Cf.  Horrible  afeard.  H  IV  A  II,  4.  402. 

1.  4G*.  Cp.  '  If  it  were  not  for  hope  the  heart  would  break '.  Bt>hn's 
Handbook  of  Proverbs,  p.  io3. 

1.  463.  '  I '  no  doubt  stands  for  '  it',  which  refers  in  an  indefinite 
way  to  fortune  or  riches. 

1.  487.  my  mind  gives  me  it,  i.e.  suggests  it  to  me.  —  My  mind  gave  me 
his  clothes  made  a  false  report  of  him.  Coriol.  IV,  5.  i5y.  East 
ward  Hoe  III,  3.  Knight  of  the  Burning  Pestle,  Induction. 

1.  471-*.  There  is  no  hyphen  between  Love  and  sick  of  the  headline. 

1.  474.  she  would  have  chaulked  me,  written  up  my  score  in  chalk. 

1.  4»o.  The  comma  after  Sir  is  in  the  original. 


55 

1.  481.  fall  down,  to  descend  or  drop  down  a  river  etc.  N.E.D. 

\.  48».  Perhaps  we  ought  to  read  :  at  this  game  of  hazard  youle  set 

so  great  a  stake. 
].  512-3.  See  introduction. 
1.  514.  foot.  For  foot,  cudsfoot,  udsfoot,  'sfootjand  similar  oaths  v.  Eng- 

lische  Studien  XXIV.  p.  3i  if. 
1.  53O.  Cullisance  =  cognizance. 
1.  534.  The  comma  after  Wife  is  in  the  original. 
1.  534-5.  For  the  religious  drama  performed  at  Newcastle-on-Tyne 

see  Ward,  English  Dramatic  Literature  I  55,  70,  91.  —  Cp.  Intro 
duction. 

1.  530.  This  song  also  occurs  in  The  Knight  of  the  Burning  Pestle  111,5. 
I  come  not  hither  for  thee  to  teach, 
I  have  no  pulpit  for  thee  to  preach, 
I  would  thou  hadst  kissed  me  under  the  breech, 

As  thou  art  a  lady  gay.  (Mermaid  Series). 

1.  543.  The  comma  after  Wife  is  in  the  original.  — Marry  come  up 

implies  indignation.  Cp.  Englische  Studien,  XXIV,  ao5. 
1.  548.  /  shall  love  Mondays  vein  to  poetize.  See  Introduction. 
1.  571.  The  mark  of  exclamation  is  broken. 
1.  58«.  Entertainment,  «  the  action  of  maintaining  persons  in  one's 

service  or  of  taking  persons  into  service  ».  N.E.D. 
1.  eosc.  put  off,  get  rid  of.  —  I  cannot  put  off  my  opinion  so  easily. 

Merry  Wives  II,  i.  248.  —  There  is  no  period  after  George. 
1.  OO8.  out-cry,  auction  ;  v.  N.E.D.  and  Dialect  Dictionary. 
].  6O5.  There  is  no  period  after  George. 
1.  coo.  Marry  Muff,  an  oath.  Cp.  Mary  muff,  sir,  are  you  grown  so 

dainty?  Fielding,  Joseph  Andrews  II,  i.  —  Mrs.  Goodgift  takes 

the  word  in  the  sense  of  a  lady's  muff.  —  Cp.  Englische  Studien 

XXIV,  2o5,  and  1.  543. 
1.  010.  It  has  been  lain  dead,  contamination  of  «  has  lain  »  and  «  has 

been  lying  ».  To  lie  dead  is  still  the  usual  phrase  for  «  to  be 

unsaleable  ». 
1.  615.  motion,  intention.  Cp.  Your  suit  is  granted,  And  you  loved 

for  the  motion.  A  new  Way  to  pay  Old  Debts,  V. 
1.  648.  goose,  a  tailor's  iron.  Cp.  Macbeth,  II,  3.  17. 
1.  651.  A  small  spot  over  the  comma  behind  Lyn  makes  it  look  like 

a  semicolon. 

1.  658.  How  ist't?  cp.  1.  978  :  how  ist  with  you  Sir  ? 
1.  665.  amongst,  together,  among  something  else.  N.E.D.  i.v.  among, 

B  3-  —  The  colon  is  not  very  distinct  and  may  very  well  be  a 

broken  mark  of  interrogation-  There  is  room  enough  for  a  word 

of  two  letters  to  have  fallen  out  after  amongst.  Us  would  give  a 

very  good  sense. 

1.  665.  sellerage.  Cp.  Hamlet  I,  5.  i5i. 
1.  673.  best  liking.  Cp.  But  now,  if  your  guod  liking  stand  thereto,  He 

craue  your  pardon  to  goe  seeke  the  Prince.  Spanish  Tragedy  I,  4. 
1.  677.  make  legs,  curtsy.  Cp.  Why,  you  slaves,  Created  only  to  make 

legs,  and  cringe-  A  New  Way  to  pay  Old  Debts,  I,  3. 


56 

1.  «80.  hole,  a  dungeon  or  prison-cell,  v.  N.E.D.  —  Cp.  The  Knight 

will  i'  the  Knights  Ward  —  ;  and  Maister  Quickesilver  would 

be  i'  the  Hole.  Eastward  Hoe  V,  2. 
1.  «90.  brtve  for  bravely  —  very.  Cp.  bravely*  in  N.E.D. ,  especially 

the  last  quotation. 
1.  7««.  my  faith  is  past.  Cp.  I  have  passed  my  word  and  promise  to 

the  emperor.  Titus  Andron.  I,  468. 
1.  7»«.  president-  For  the  spelling  cp.  As  if  we  were  in  our  presedent 

way.  Faire  Em.  I,  2. 
1.  748.  shrewdly,  very  much,  in  a  high  degree.  Cp.  My  fame  is  shrewdly 

gored.  Troilus  III,  3.  228. 

1.  751.  The  period  after  the  catchword  Alu  is  indistinct. 
1.  778.  The  character   after  thee  is   indistinct ;  it  may  be  a  semi 
colon. 
1.  7»o.  It  is  rather  difficult  to  decide  whether  the  E  of  English  is 

italic  or  roman. 

1.  794.  my  best  of  speech.  Cp.  My  best  of  wit,  be  ready.  I  Honest  Whore  I II,  i . 
1.  8O8.  The  comma  behind  '  laugh'd '  is  in  the  text. 
1.  8*«.  The  pause  after  her  may  be  a  comma  but  I  believe  it  is  a 

smudged  period. 

1.  853.  it  self-  The  space  between  the  two  words  is  very  small. 
1.  854.  There  is  no  period  at  the  end  of  this  line. 
1.  864.  Fretzland,  no  doubt  so  spelt  to    suggest   derivation   from 

«  freeze  ». 

1.  89«».  doat  of  is  rare  ;  Shakespeare  has  only  doat  (dote)  on. 
1.  NO  i.  lust  in  this  sense  is  not  registered  in  the  N.E.D.  It  seems  to 

mean  to  enjoy.  There  is  one  example  of  to  lust  in  the  sense  of 

desire  in  Murray. 
1.  0*7.  Remove  out  of  mine  eye-  Cp.  He  hence  removed  last  night.  All's 

WellV,  i.23. 

1.  951,  *.  The  hyphen  after  Wor  and  the  k  of  black  are  smudged. 
1.  95*.  Benefactor.  Grim  means  factor. 
1.  9O8.  For  Grim  of  Croydon  \.  Introduction. 
1.  971.  insist  upon  thy  care,  persist  in  thy  good  cares- 
1.  998.  This  is  probably  the  oldest  instance  of  damp  in  the  sense  of 

choke-damp.  The  earliest  quotation  in  the  N.E.D.  belongs  to  1626. 
1.  1OO8.  Note  the  transition  from  thy  to  your. 
1.  1010.  but  to  the  wealth  and  greatness  you  expect,  I  yet  hear  nothing.  For 

to  =  as  to  cp.  Once  more  to  this  Captain  Dumain  :  you  have 

answered  to  his  reputation  with  the  duke  and  to  his  valour  : 

what  is  his  honesty  ?  All's  well  that  ends  Well  IV,  3.  277. 
1.  loss.  This  is  a  line  from  a  popular  song,  which  I  quote  from 

Chappell   with  his  annotations  (Old   English   Popular  Music, 

i8g3,  I  140)  : 

«  Martin  said  to  his  Man  ». 

Freemen's  Songs  to  Three  Voices,  Deuteromelia,  1609.  The  Fitzwilliam 

Virginal  Book- 


57 

Martin  said  to  his  man, 
Fie,  man,  fie  : 

0  Martin  said  to  his  man, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 
Martin  said  to  his  man, 
Fill  thou  the  cup  and  I  the  can  : 
Thou  hast  well  drunken  man, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 

1  see  a  man  in  the  Moone, 

Fie,  man,  fie  : 
I  see  a  man  in  the  moone, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 
I  see  a  man  in  the  moone, 
Clowting  of  St.  Peter's  shoone, 

Thou  hast  well,  &c. 

I  see  a  hare  chase  a  hound, 

Fie,  man,  fie  : 
I  see  a  hare  chase  a  hound, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 
I  see  a  hare  chase  a  hound, 
Twenty  mile  above  the  ground, 

Thou  hast  well,  &c. 

I  see  a  goose  ring  a  hog, 

Fie,  man,  fie  : 
I  see  a  goose  ring  a  hog, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 
I  see  a  goose  ring  a  hog, 
And  a  snayle  that  did  bite  a  dog, 

Thou  hast  well,  &c. 

I  see  a  mouse  catch  the  cat, 

Fie,  man,  fie  : 
I  see  a  mouse  catch  the  cat, 

Who's  the  foole  now  ? 
I  see  a  mouse  catch  the  cat, 
And  the  cheese  to  eate  the  rat, 

Thou  hast  well,  &c- 

This  song,  which  is  thought  to  be  a  satire  upon  the  relaters  of 
marvellous  tales,  was  entered  on  the  books  of  the  Stationers' 
Company  as  a  ballad  in  i588,  when  Thomas  Orwyn  had  a 
licence  to  print  it.  It  is  alluded  to  in  Dekker's  comedy,  Old 
Fortunatus,  and  in  Dry  den's  Sir  Martin  Mar-  all,  or  the  Feign 'd 
Innocence,  1668,  Act.  IV.  » 

The  reference  to  Old  Fortunatus  is  to  IV,  i.  (or  1.  2oa5  in  Sche- 
rer's  edition  from  which  I  quote)  : 

Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  laugh,  laugh  in  scorne, 
Who's  ye  foole  ?  the  foole,  he  wears  a  home. 


58 

The  passage  in  Dryden  is  : 

Sir  Martin.  I  tell  thee  Man  I  did  it,  and  it  was  done  by  the 
Help  of  no  Devil,  but  this  Familiar  of  my  own  Brain ;  how 
long  would  it  have  been  ere  thou  could'st  have  thought  of  such 
a  Project  ?  Martin  said  to  his  Man  Wlio's  the  Fool  now?  —  Warner. 
Who's  the  Fool  ?  why,  who  uses  to  be  the  Fool  ?  he  that  ever 
was  since  I  knew  him,  and  ever  will  be  so  ! 

1.  1O48.  a  purpose,  of  purpose.  Cp.  This  is  of  purpose  laid  by  some 
that  hate  me  to  quench  mine  honour.  Henry  VIII.  V,  2.  14. 

1.  loso.  Cp.  1.  610. 

1.  io7«.  The  comma  behind yfaith  is  in  the  original. 

1.  1149.  thou'lt  is  in  the  original. 

1.  i  ISO.  In  both  copies  the  catchword  is  cut  away.  In  the  British 
Museum  copy  there  is  a  remnant  of  the  d  of  ward- 

1.  iioe.  Erra-paier.  An  'almanac'  or  'prognostication',  known  as 
Erra  Pater's  Prognostication,  first  printed  by  R.  Bankes.  Bankes 
printed  from  i523-i546.  See  note  to  1.  92  of  Bang's  edition  of 
The  Queen  or  the  Excellency  of  her  Sex  (Materialien  XIII.)  Cf.  Max 
Forster,  Die  Kleinliteratur  des  Aberglaubens  im  Altenglischen,  Ar- 
chiv  CX,  p.  349.  Also  Hudibras  I,  i.  129. 

1.  117*.  turn',  but  now.  Cp.  I  that  now  Refus'd  most  princely  gifts, 
am  bound  to  beg  Of  my  lord  general.  Coriolanus  I,  9.  79. 

1.  1 178.  The  comma  after  Smith  is  in  the  original. 

1.  1204  The  point  of  interrogation  after  looks  is  indistinct;  it  may 
very  well  be  an  inverted  semicolon. 

1.  1*36.  seek  you  forth,  seek  you  out.  Cp.  N.E.D.  forth  8. 

1.  1*55.  when  denotes  impatience.  —  No  more,  I  say  :  to  the  tortures, 
when !  Spanish  Tragedy  III,  i.  47.  —  Sirrah,  bid  my  wife  come 
to  me  :  why,  wlun  ?  II  Honest  Whore  11,2- 

1.  1*7*.  that  bears  so  high  a  stroak,  that  is  so  high-handed.  —  Muret- 
Sanders  i.v.  stroke  17  has  :  Kraft,  Wirkung,  Gewalt,  Vermogen  : 
he  has  a  great  stroke  er  vermag  viel. 

1.  1*81.  Tipes  of  dignity,  signs,  badges  of  dignity.  --  Thy  father 

bears  the  type  of  king  of  Naples.  3  Henry  VI.  I,  4.  121. 
1811.  The  t  of  to  is  almost  illegible. 
188».  You.  Read  your. 

135».  Canu't.  Cp.  Van  Dam  and  Stoffel,  William  Shakespeare,  Pro 
sody  and  Text,  p.  114  ff. 

is«7.  Infinites.  For  this  plural  use  v.  N.E.D.  i.v.  infinite  C.  2. 
138*.  wealthest  is  in  the  original. 
1888.  The  pause  after  wife  may  be  a  colon. 
I4i«.  cast,  device,  trick  ;  or  it  may  mean  '  throw  (of  dice) ',  here 
of  course  used  figuratively.  For  the  former  sense  cp.  But  hear, 
Master  King,  by  your  leave,  a  cast.  Now  you  have  done  with 
them,  I  pray  you,  begin  with  me.  Mucedorus  V  (A  text).  For  the 
latter  :  But,  above  all,  protest  in  your  play,  and  affirm,  Upon 
your  credit,  As  you  are  a  true  gentleman,  at  every  cast.  Every 
Man  out  of  his  Humour  I,  i. 
1418.  cleerly,  net.  v.  N.E.D. 


59 

1.  142O.  The  comma  after  all  is  very  indistinct.  The  copy  in  the 
British  Museum  has  a  distinct  (,). 

1.  i43O./wy  I  take  to  be  a  misprint  for  ficvy. 

1.  1470.  compass,  moderation.  Cp.  N.E.D.  and  Dialect  Dictionary. 

1.  15O1.  The  comma  after  wrong  is  very  indistinct. 

1.  1505.  There  is  a  smudge  behind  Enter  looking  like  a  period. 
The  British  Museum  copy,  however,  has  no  stop. 

1.  15* I.  Excursions,  sallies,  sorties. 

1.  1532.  bandied,  banded  together,  leagued,  v.  N.E.D. 

1.  1538.  partner  appears  to  be  used  in  the  wider  sense  of  associate, 
colleague.  Cp.  N.E.D.  i.v.  partner  2. 

1.  15O1.  wise,  guise,  appearance,  dress. 

1.  1577.  Tartarians.  Two  words  are  here  mix«d  up  by  Grim  :  i.  Tar 
tarean  pertaining  to  Tartarus  ;  2.  Tartarean  pertaining  to  Tartary. 
—  There's  not  a  Tartarian  nor  a  Carrier,  shall  breath  upon  your 
geldings.  Merry  Devil  I,  i.  10.  —  No  mouse  ;  that  was  a  Tarta 
rian.  Knight  of  the  Burning  Pestle  11,8. 

Fellowcrs  may  of  course  be  a  misprint  for  followers  but  this  is 
unlikely,  considering  the  correctness  of  the  text.  Fellower  is  a 
very  rare  word  of  which  the  N .E.D.  gives  only  one  example. 

1.  158G.  repair' st  for  repair 'd. 

1.  1017.  cut  and  long  tail.  Literally  :  horses  or  dogs  with  cut  tails  and 
with  long  tails;  hence  figuratively  :  all  sorts  of  people;  riff-raff. 
(N.E.D.)  —  Cp.  Love  and  money  sweepes  all  before  them,  be 
they  cut  or  longtayle.  The  Queen,  or  the  Excellency  of  her  Sex,  2g85. 
(MaterialienXIII). 

I .  1 03 1 .  indubitate,  indubitable,  undoubted.  Cf.  Love's  Labour  Lost  IV, 

1.67. 

II.  1O39-4I.  The  meaning  of  these  lines  seems  to  be  :  «  The  shame 

which  attaches  to  our  country  in  consequence  of  these  Danish 
wars  is  balanced  by  your  good  deeds  ». 

1.  1O44.  singular,  unequalled.  —  Each  your  doing,  so  singular  in  each 
particular,  Crowns  what  you  are  doing  in  the  present  deeds, 
That  all  your  acts  are  queens.  Winter's  Tale  IV,  4.  144. 

1.  imv.forrage  has  here  the  secondary  sense  of  raid. 

1.  loso.  Phlegitan,  Acaron.  Grim  means  Pyriphlegeton,  Acheron. 

1.  1686.  Neighborhood,  neighbourly  kindness. 

to  heat  our  buildings.  House  heating  or  house-warming  is  «  the 
action  of  celebrating  the  entrance  into  the  occupation  of  a  new 
house  or  home  with  a  feast  or  entertainment  ».  v.  Captain  Mar- 
ryatt,  Olla  Podrida,  Modern-built  Townhouses.  For  house-heating 
the  N.E.D.  gives  examples  from  19  century  literature  only. 

1.  ic»7.  defame,  infamy.  Cp.  Lucrece  768. 

1.  1O9».  to  sooth  him  in  this  sin,  to  humour.  Cp.  Is't  good  to  soothe  him 
in  these  contraries  ?  Com.  of  Err.  IV,  4.  82. 

1.  17OO.  The  period  after  him  looks  like  a  comma. 

1.  1710.  The  comma  after  best  is  very  indistinct. 

1.  1716.  One  would  expect  the  parentheses  to  enclose  from  or  to 
Flames.  The  period  after  Flames  may  be  a  comma. 


6o 

1.  irsr.  The  stop  after  Hul  may  be  a  colon. 

I.  174».  have,  as  if  the  subject  were  «  The  King  of  Scots  and  the 

English  forces  ». 

II.  175*  58.  In  scanning  these  lines  read  spirt  for  spirit. 
11.  175«  54.  Read  as  follows  : 

Let's  arm  /  our  selves  /  for  shame  /  Trayt'th'hast  /  deserved 
Death  err  /  thou  dyest  /  and  this  /  thy  proud  /  presume. 
For  reasons  and  analogues  cp.  the  chapters  on  prosody  in  van 
Dam  and  Stoffel,  W.  Shakespeare. 
1.  1755.  presume,  presumption.  I  cannot  find  another  instance  of  this 

word. 
1.  1778.  In  scanning  read  '  arm  '.  Cp.  van  Dam  and  Stoffel,  p.  g3  ff. 

I.  1779.  bear,  carry,  win.  —  His  word  might  bear  my  wealth  at  any 

time.  Com.  of  Errors  V,  8.  Cp.  '  to  conquer  the  field '. 

II.  178*  85.  Read  nation  as  a  trissyllabic,  Canutus  as  a  dissyllabic 

word  (Canute)  : 

Canutus  /  traytdr  /  as  thou  /  art  great  /  be  just.       A 
Or  read  :  th'  art  ? 

11.  i78«-89.  Read:  He  force /this  paint /ed  whore  /  help  me/  Canute 
What  can  /you  cry/wer't  thou/Joves  myn/ion 
Slave  thou /thus  had'st/dy'd  I/ will  meet /it  thus. 
1.  178«.  The  semicolon  is  in  the  text. 
1.  179O.  There  is  no  period  at  the  end  of  the  line. 
1.  1791.  The  stage  direction  is  not  particularly  clear.  Cp.  1.  1819. 
Evidently  Cartesmunda  runs  upon  Canutus'  sword,  after  Hul- 
drick  has  caught  her  in  his  arms. 
1.  1801.  In  order  to  scan  the  line  we  must  substitute  on  or  'pon  for 

upon  ;  that  bro  /  ken  with  /  my  wish  '  is  fain  /  on  me. 
1.  imo3./ayrd  =  broke.  Now  obsolete  ;  the  last  example  in  N.E.D. 

is  from  Cowper's  Tirocinium. 

1.  1M12-IM19.  I  suppose  that  in  1.  1814  something  has  dropped  out. 
—  all  in  1.  1814  may  be  wrong  for  at,  the  substitution  of  which 
would  make  the  line  intelligible.  —  For  Inhabitants  read  habitants 
(v.  N.E.D.).  —  Together  should  be  read  as  a  dissyllabic  word 
(v.  van  Dam  and  Stoffel). 

Ha,  sit  you  weeping  there  ; 
Or  has  Amazement  turn'd  you  into  stone, 
That  like  men  gasping  at  Medusa  stand, 
To  see  my  Love  thus  fall  by  mine  own  hand  : 
Our  self  will  instantly  be  in  the  Field, 
And  scourge  the  English  pride  and  Habitants. 
Sound  up  our  Drum,  and  call  our  Troops  together, 
And  arm  with  speed,  He  to  the  Field,  and  fight ; 
Farewel  dear  Love,  whom  I  of  life  bereft, 
For  which  unwilling  Act,  O  pardon  me. 
1.  18*8.  The  form  Kill  is  caused  by  senses. 
1.  it»58.  parly  =  speak,  talk.  —  I  renounce  your  defiance,  if  you 

parle  so  roughly.  Merry  Devil  v,  2. 
1.  1861.  The  periods  after  Alarm  and  Excursions  are  indistinct  and 


6i 

may  be  commas. 

1.  1894.  There  should  be  a  full  stop  after  sound. 

1.  19OO.  The  signature  is  wanting  in  both  copies. 

1.  1929.  to  you  it  shall  be  texled.  to  text  =  to  write,  to  put  up  in  writing. 
Cp.  O  then,  how  high  shall  this  great  Troy  text  up  the  memory 
Of  you  her  noble  praetor  !  Dekker,  London's  Tempe. 

1.  1983.  There  seems  to  be  a  comma  after  Towers. 

1.  1934.  Poretereans  —  proletarians  ;  no  doubt  a  printer's  error. 

1.  195O.  Surreverence  =  Sir  reverence.  Cp.  A  very  reverent  body,  ay 
such  a  one  as  a  man  may  not  speak  of  without  he  say  Sir 
reverence.  Com.  of  Errors  III,  2.  g3.  —  The  nice  fondling,  my 
lady  sir  reverence,  that  I  must  not  nowe  presume  to  call  daughter. 
Eastward  Hoe  II,  i.  —  Mildred.  O,  good  sister  !  Ger.  Sister,  Sir 
Reverence,  ibid.  IV,  2.  —  It  is  evident  from  these  examples  that 
the  expression  lost  its  original  meaning  and  could  be  applied 
even  to  women. 

1.  1951.  for  your  Highness  own  tooth  ;  tooth  =  relish,  palate,  taste.  Cp. 
Chart.  He's  an  excellent  musician  himself,  you  must  note  that. 
May.  And  having  met  one  fit  for  his  own  tooth,  you  see,  he  skips 
from  us.  Uekker  and  Webster,  Northward  Ho,  IV.  4. 

1.  19GO.  the  Bakers  Pulpit  =  the  pillory.  Cp.  the  following  quotations 
from  N.E.D.  whei^e,  however,  bakers  pulpit  is  not  mentioned. 
A  Pillorie,  for  the  punishment  of  Bakers,  offending  in  the 
assise  of  bread.  Stow,  Survey.  —  I  feare  we  parte  not  ye'et. 
Quoth  the  baker  to  the  pylorie.  J .  Heywood,  Proverbs  &  Epigrams, 
47  (1867). 


INDEX. 


a  purpose  1048. 
Acaron  1680. 
amaze  74. 
amongst  665. 

bakers  pulpit  1960. 

bandied  i532. 

bear  1779. 

begirt  35o. 

benefactor  g5i. 

best,  my  —  of  speech  794. 

brave  690. 

cast  1416. 
catastrophe  4^9. 
cause  on  88. 
chaulk  474. 
cleerly  1418. 
compass  1470 
consume  242. 
cullisance  53o. 
cut  and  long  tail  1617. 

damp  998. 
defame  1697. 
doat  of  890. 

ebon,  death's  —  dart  3i8. 
eels-skins  443. 
entertainment  582. 
Erra- pater  1166. 
excursions  i52i. 

faith,  my  —  is  past  7^2. 

fall  down  481. 

fay  I'd  i8o3. 

fel lowers  i5/j. 

foot  5 14. 

forrage  1647. 

Freezland  864. 

fury  1435. 

fustian  442. 


give  ore  362. 
goose  648. 

heat  our  buildings  1686. 
hole  680. 
horrible  446. 
how  is't  658. 
hurl  68. 

I  come  not  hither  for  thee  to 

teach  53g. 
icud  214. 
idea  253. 
if  it  were  not  for  hope  the  heart 

would  break  462. 
indubitate  i63i. 
infinite  1367. 
insist  upon  971. 

joy  279. 
juggy  435. 

lain,  has  been  —  610. 
legs,  make  —  677. 
liking,  best  —  673. 
lust  891. 

make  3i3. 

Marry  come  up  543. 

Marry  muff  606. 

mind,  my  —  gives  me  it  467. 

motion  6i5. 

needles.  Myllan  —  442. 
neighborhood  1686. 
now  1172. 

outcry  6o3. 

parly  i858. 
partner  i538. 
Phlegitan  1680. 


64 

poretereans  1934. 
president  736. 
presume  1755. 
put  off  602. 

recall  52. 
remove  927. 
resolve  400. 

see  77. 

seek  forth  1236. 

sellerage  665. 

shrewdly  743. 

singular  1644. 

sooth  1699. 

stroak.  bear  a  high  —  1272. 


sudden  247. 
Surreverence  ig5o. 

taken  strangely  199. 
Tartarian  1577. 
text  1929. 
thorough  86. 
thy  1008. 
tipe  1281. 
to  1010. 
tooth  1951. 

when  1255. 

Who's  the  fool  now  io38. 

wise  i56i. 

woo't  328. 


PR 

26U 
A1 

1907 


Jon son,  Ben 

Ben  Jonson's  Every  man 
out  of  his  humor 


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