Cheap turkey

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HEAP TURKEY

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en

RD MACAU LEY

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CHEAP TURKEY

CHEAP TURKEY

By
WARD MACAULEY

NEV YORK

DUFFIELD & COMPANY

J9J2

<

COPYRIGHT, J9J2, BY
DUFFIELD & COMPANY

CHEAP TURKEY
AND WHAT CAME OF IT

By WARD MACAULEY

There was a smile on John Good-
man's face and a feeKng of elation in
his heart as he approached his home
on Thanksgiving; eve* Under his arm
was a large and benevolent looking
bundle, and it is possible that his hap-
piness of spirits was in some way
connected with its possession* Such,
indeed, was the case, for John Good-
man had just been a patron at Blank-
burg's* first municipal sale, and as an
immediate result thereof he was the
triumphant owner of a ten-pound tur-
key* In most years the flesh of the
gobbler had been an unknown luxury
in the Goodman household* **Wel[

*No particular city is intended.

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CHEAP TURKEY

have turkey for dinner/' Goodman
had assured his uncomplaining wife^
^Vhen gold doflars grow on elder-
berry bushes/* And, as a matter of
truth, elderberry bushes with gold
doflars on their branches are quite out
of the ken of the average shoe sales-
man, and in this worthy, but not un-
duly remunerative occupation, did
John Goodman earn that portion of
daily bread — ^not including turkey —
that was his due* John had been
married three years now, and the holi-
day had not previously arrived when
he conscientiously felt that he could
afford turkey* True he had priced it*
Yes, he had asked its valuation in the
fine stores on the avenue and in the
staUs in the market and in the comer
butcher shops, only finafly to turn
away with a sigh and confess to him-
6

CHEAP TURKEY

self: ''Thirty-four cents; too muchj
gfuess well have to stick to our old
favorite, chicken/^

At last, however, his opportunity
had come« The municipal sale had
opened^ The good mayor of Blank-
burg had started a movement to sell
certain of the necessities of life at
''cost*'* By a special humanitarian
impulse that defied all argument, the
necessities were made elastic enough
to include turkey* Yes, turkey, the
prime essential of a proper observance
of Thanksgiving day, was to be gra-
ciously included in the list of articles
to be disposed of at "cost*** Turkey,
which hitherto had been considered
suitable only for the rich man's table,
became the poor man*s hoEday feast*
The food of Dives had become the
portion of Lazarus* At "cost,** the
7

CHEAP TURKEY

mayor had graciously announced and
at cost it was literally to be, not **cost**
plus a certain **expense*' for rent and
clerk hire^ The rent the mayor very
kindly agreed to pay from his private
exchequer and the clerk hire was
taken care of by some of his hench-
men, ever willing to labor in a popular
cause^ Virtue was to be its own and
only reward, or virtue plus a few
votes, as the case might prove to be«
Yes, **cost*' meant **cost'' and nothing
else — ^}ust what was paid the farmers
for the birds — paid for them **on the
hoof,'* if such an expression can be
applied to birds*

The crush at the sale had been
furious* The volunteer salesforce
was totally inadequate to cope with
the great public demand for turkeys
at costt and a wild scramble among
8

CHEAP TURKEY

the customers had ensued^ Two
women, becoming involved in • a
wordy dispute over the possession of
an extra fancy bird, had succeeded in
dismembering it, whereupon the sales-
manager, Solomon-Iike, had handed
down the decision that each should
have the half — ^with the coincident de-
tail that each should likewise pay half«
John Goodman, though among the
early arrivals, had not attained his de-
sire without difficulty? but in his ex-
tremity his early football training had
proved his best friend, and a half hour
after he entered the municipal sales-
room he emerged, somewhat dishev-
efled, but triumphant and with no torn
clothes to offset the gain made by ptir-
chasing **turkey at cost*'* It is no
wonder, then, that he should be so
happy as he approached his home* It
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CHEAP TURKEY

would fac such a surprise to Mary*
The ten-pound bird, which would
have set him back $3 if purchased
throi^h the ordinary channels of
trade, had come into his possession
with the expenditure of only $2*30 —
hardly more than the price of chicken,
he told himself triumphantly*

As he entered the house and gave
his wife the greeting that was her due,
John could hardly keep the good news
to himself* Nevertheless with an ef-
fort he controlled his elation, leaving
the happy surprise until she should
open the package and see for herself*
With nothing more noticeable about
his countenance than his usual smile,
John took his precious bundle and de-
posited it upon the kitchen table, Mary
closely following*

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CHEAP TURKEY

She cut the strings and unrolled the
paper, and then John was rewarded
by the start of surprise and jubilation
that he had been enjoying in anticipa-
tion all during his walk home* Un-
like so many similar instances, the
reality proved in no wise disap-
pointing*

'Why, John,*' she said in deHght,
''it's a turkey/*

''None other,** said her husband,
with no less enthusiasm* "Mrs*
Goodman, this is Mr* Turkey* Mr*
Turkey, this is Mrs* Goodman* You
have never met before, I think***

"Well, if we have, John, dear, I am
afraid it was a long time ago* And I
need hardly say** — addressing Mr*
Turkey — ^"that I am simply over-
whelmed with delight at meeting
you***

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CHEAP TURKEY

**l got it at the municipal sale, dear/*
explained John to forestall any pos-
sible censure for undue extravagance;
*'it cost me only $230; think of it—
$230 for a ten-pound turkey I Prac-
tically the price of a real good round
steak, as you might say* TheyVe
selling them at cost/'

'Who are?*'

'Why, the city; the mayor, I guess,
is really at the back of it/*

'Well, ril write him a letter and
tell him what a real good nice man
I think he is« Oh, John, maybe the
city will sell silk dresses, and maybe I
can get oneT*

''Maybe,** said John, but just a
shade of thoughtf ulness crept into his
tone*

Probably no Thanksgiving dinner
was ever more enjoyed than that one.
J2

CHEAP TURKEY

John could hardly have been prouder
if his ten-pound turkey had been a
baby of equal weight* Hope deferred
may make the heart sick, but turkey
deferred but makes the meat the
sweeten

''Maybe/' said Mrs* John, in a
burst of hopefulness, ''maybe, we can
have one every Thanki^iving/*

"We can, dear,'" Mr* John assured
her, "and on Qiristmas, too/'

"Oh, that dear, good, lovely Mr*
Mayor!'' said Mrs* John in exuber-
ance of joy*

The municipal sale was an im-
mense success, view it as you like*
To the mayor and his henchmen it
brought increased prestige, and pres-
tige would come in very handy in the
forthcoming campaign for governor,
for which honor Mr* Mayor was rec-
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CHEAP TURKEY

ognizcd as a receptive candidate* To
the people it had brought the holiday-
turkey at a price all felt could be af-
forded— once a year, at any rate*
Only the storekeeper emitted a howL
He remarked that, as he must per-
force pay rent and hire clerks, he
could not consistently sell turkey at
the price he paid for it **on the hoof/'
His criticisms were greeted with roars
of derision* The press printed his
views, only to sneer, and the word
'Vobber^' was flung at him from many
quarters* Big headlines had an-
nounced the mayor's plan* It was
*%ews*'* The storekeeper's complaint
was safely and securely secreted in the
*'City in Brief" column, and a clever
turn of phrase had sufficiently re-
vealed the fact that the newspaper was
out of sympathy with his ''selfish"

waiL

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CHEAP TURKEY

''The Beagle/' an enterprising
newspaper, perceivii^ the favor with
which the public had greeted the inno-
vation, suggested that perhaps the ex-
periment could be enlarged somewhat*

IF TURKEY, WHY NOT COAL?

the types had howled to all the world,
and John Goodman and a host of
others like him — ^personages whom we
may consider typical of the man on the
street — ^when the headlines focussed
their attention had repeated the ques-
tion, *^es, if turkey, why not coal?"'
The newspaper went on to argue that
while cheap turkey as a means of al-
lowii^ the great American public to
observe Thanksgiving in the good old-
fashioned New England way was
certainly a highly commendable thing
J5

CHEAP TURKEY

and ought to be encour^ed as much
as possible, still it could hardly rank
in importance with furnishing heat to
keep the poor from suffering in this
terrible winten *'Seventy-five cents a
ton profit to the retail coal dealers.
This could be saved by a municipal
coal business/* the headlines had
shouted a day later. The article went
on to point out that the Board oJ
Public Works had constantly team-
sters who were idle, especially in the
winter, and that delivery could be
made without cost* **One dollar
saved to the consumer,** was the en-
ticement held out in bright red on the
third day* And Mr* Mayor began to
see the light* Having in mind the
scriptural reference regarding the man
who put his hand to the plow and
then turned back, Mr* Mayor deter-
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CHEAP TURKEY

mined to pursue his course to the bit-
ter, bitter end* The municipal coat
yard became a reality* The public
was delighted A dollar a ton saved I
No cold homes in Blankburg this
winter, no, indeed* Business boomed
— at the municipal coal yard* In vain
the retail dealers protested* **How
can we sell coal at a profit, when the
city sells for cost?'' they insistently
asked* The newspaper unfeelingly
replied, '*You can V with none too
well hidden an inference that they
didn't deserve to* Finding it impos-
sible to do business at a profit, the re-
tailer decided not to do business at all*
The coal yards began to close* Per-
fectly respectable young men who had
spent good years of their lives in an-
swering 'phone calls and saying,
''Yes, one ton to Mr* So-and-so — put
17

CHEAP TURKEY

in, yes, thank you,^' were forced to
seek other means of employment*
They couldn't go into the grocery
business, for the municipal markets —
not one now, but several — ^had so oc-
cupied the field that no one in that
line of trade dreamed of expanding,
and all were praying with one accord
to be delivered from the ruin that
stared them in the face* Still, numer-
ous fields of endeavor remained open*
The municipaEty had left untouched
a great many avenues of activity* So
the erstwhile coalmen — as opportunity
offered — ^became assistant haberdash-
ers, and bank messengers, and street-
car conductors, and extra Saturday
help in clothing stores*

**The Evening Beagle'' crowed
with triumphant delight* Whole col-
umns were devoted to '*the people's

CHEAP TURKEY

battle'* which had been waged so un-
erringly by the *^BeagIe" itself* True,
the corner grocers were people, the
coal dealers were people, their assist-
ants were people* At least, to all out-
ward appearance, they bore the same
semblance as the others whom in to-
tality we style *'the people*' and of
whom the demagogue never tires of
talking and to whom he ceaselessly
pledges eternal loyalty* Like the
butchers and the grocers, the coal
dealers emitted remarks distinctly de-
rogatory to the conduct of affairs in
Blankburg* Protests anent taking
the bread out of deserving mouths
were voiced again and again* The
complaint had no further effect than
to give the **Beagle'* still another cue*
''Bread?'* the editor shrieked, when
he turned over in his mind the phrase-
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CHEAP TURKEY

ology of their criticism of the pro-
gressive movements of the day*
"'Bread— why didn't we think of that
before? Why, bread is the staff of
life, the one thing needfuh\ It stands
between a hungry population and
starvation* And the base being who
forces the public to pay an undue
price, ah, who is he? Again, it is the
corner grocery and the bafceshop/'
The editorial vow, strong and inviol-
able as the law of Mede and Persian,
was roistered that (not quite literally
speaking) the entire staff should
neither slumber nor sleep till this foul
wrong was undone* **Breadr'
shouted the editor? **Bread,** echoed
the reporters J **Bread,** said the edi-
torial writer; **Bread,'' agreed the
foreman* The next issue was a mas-
terpiece*

20

I

CHEAP TURKEY

''BREAD AT COST'*

was flung: across an entire page^ and
in eagfer^ breathless sentences the edi-
tor took his public into his secret of
making the staff of life a Kttle more
easily procured* *'Man shall not live
by bread alone/* he thundered in
heavy blackface, **y^t man cannot
live without bread* Why pray for
our daily bread while we tolerate the
abominable and iniquitous monster
that keeps it far out of our reach?**

The people were delighted — that is,
the people minus the grocers and the
butchers and the bakeshop men and
the coal dealers and their assistants*
The coal clerk out of a fob would
rather still be disputing over the
*phone about what he termed a wholly
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CHEAP TURKEY

unavoidable delay in delivery than to
have a small loaf of bread at 3 cents
instead of 4 cents* The middleman
voiced a faint protest— faint because
so highly and condescendingly disre-
garded—and was told — editorially —
by the **BeagIe'* not to be so selfish*

The grocers found their sales
greatly decreased by the competition
of the Municipal Bread Emporium,
where you could buy bread for 3 cents
per loaf, and wrap it yourself in paper
brought by you for the purpose. The
eye of vision in the **BcagIeV* office
was by no means dimmed as yet*
**We have saved the selling profit,*'
roared the types? **why not save the
manufacturing profit?*' So the city
bakery became a living, moving fact*
True, it was impossible to secure po-
litical henchmen who were both will-
22

I

CHEAP TURKEY

ing and competent to make bread —
without pay — so that a starving: pub-
lic could be saved a cent per loaf , so
it was necessary to hire the usual em-
ployees, but, as the **Beag:Ie'' shrieked,
'*to market their products without
profit/' As strongly did the ''Beagle'*
insist upon bread of the best quality*
**The best, the very best,'* it blazoned
forth, ''is none too good to nourish
the bodies of the city's toilers/' Which
was all very true, no doubt, but the
coal man's assistant was more inter-
ested in having the means to secure
sustenance of any kind than he was
that it should be "the best" or that he
should be able to save a fractional part
of its cost* The municipal bakeries,
for the one quickly grew to be a dozen,
were an immense success; more so
even than the bread emporium that
23

CHEAP TURKEY

had preceded them* The "'Be^Ie''
said sOt and a gfreat number of ^'the
people*' agreed — that is, the people
minus the grocers and the bakers and
the coal men and the butchers and
their assistants, who remembered too
well their own sad experience as a
result of the municipalit/s doing bus-
iness at ^'cost/'

The crowds on the street grew^
More than one bakery, faiKng to find
sufficient market for its output abroad,
had closed its doors, and while many
of the manual laborers — ^the produc-
tive forces, as the **BeagIe'* said —
were able to find employment in the
cit/s bakeries — ^if they could prove
their claim to have voted right— the
office men and superintendents were
put upon their own resources* Office
men weren't needed, for **all the book-
24

CHEAP TURKEY

keeping that is necessary/* as the
mayor so aptly put it, '*can be done
on an adding machine in the G)mp-
troller's office/'

Some of the office men and superin-
tendents secured employment in other
fields — at less per diem, to be sure, as
a result of their lack of experience*
Others repaired to other cities, some,
as one of their number so sardonically
put it, going as far as possible from
Blankburg* Others joined the ranks
on the street and the throng of in-
dustrious students of the **HeIp Want-
ed'* column J only the ''Help Wanted*'
column had shrunk considerably of
late, while the ''Situations Wanted**
could no longer be classed as a col-
umn, but had perforce to be referred
to as a page* But it was a great
triumph for the people; that is the
25

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people with the minuses noted pre-
viously^

After its signal victory in the fight
for bread — ^^a second French Revolu-
tion/' as the '^Beagle'' so appropriate-
ly suggested — the editor of that estima-
ble sheet was willing to rest content
with his laurels for some two weeks be-
fore taking the next stand in his battle
for *%e people's rights/' Merchants
stood in mortal fear that their particu-
lar branch of commerce would be the
next to be invaded* The pubEc ab-
stained from buying as much as pos-
sible in the hope that perhaps the city
might be able to effect a saving in the
contemplated purchases* Travelling
men warned each other to steer clear
of Blankburg* **Yoxs can't sell a
thing in the town unless you sell it
to the city— and at cost/' as one of
26

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the fraternity picturesquely phrased it*
Sales forces were reduced to the mini-
mum, as no one could tell where the
I^htningf would strike next*

"W BREAD, WHY NOT
CLOTHINGr

was what the '^Beagle*' finally offered
as the next plan of attack* *^hy
not?'* the article went on in headlines
a shade smaller* **Food and cloth-
ing: go hand in hand,*' though exactly
how, the learned editor omitted to
state* **These are the prime neces-
sities of life* Why pay extra prices
for the services of a salesman who
invariably sells you a misfit?** And
the public — or a portion of it — echoed
'Why?** The mayor was called in*
He was very complaisant* Why not,
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CHEAP TURKEY

The ^'Beagle** carried a flattering
counterfeit presentment of him as a
permanent feature of its front page
and lauded him with that dearest
phrase of his heart — ^"the people's
champion*'* Already the mayor had
visions of himself in the governor's
chair J for who could stop the man
who had brought the necessities of
life to the people at cost? Governor's
chair? Why stop at that? The sena-
torial toga J aye, even the presidency,
for should not the people's best gifts
go to those who did the most for the
people? The mayor had a right to
be complaisant* The scheme was a
good one, he assured the editor* He
had been considering it himself* As a
matter of fact, he hadn't, but that is
neither here nor there* The details
were worked out and the Clothing De-
28

CHEAP TURKEY

pository was opened for business with
an advertising campaign consisting of
prodigal amounts of the '^BeagleV
most valuable space — space that a
mere middleman could not purchase*
The question of saving the people as
much as possible had been given a
great deal of consideration at the hands
of the mayor and the editor — and at
the ^'hands'' is singularly appropriate*
A large expense in connection with
the sale of clothing — aside from rent —
is in the salesmanship* It takes time
to sell a man a suit, and time is money
even when it is rated at only $20*00
per week* After pondering the per-
plexing problem for some time, the
mayor, with his accustomed and in-
imitable, homely, commonsense way
of settling a question, shouted: **Why,
man alive, every man knows what
29

CHEAP TURKEY

xizc suits he wears J we*Il just assort
the suits according to size and let each
man pick out his owm We'll have a
turnstile where he can pay, and just
outside he can wrap it up himself* All
well need is a guard at one end and
a cashier at the other* Well have a
regular clothing serve-self/'

''And we can sell the clothing at
exactly cost**'

**Sure/' agreed the mayor J **thc
clerk-hire for the guard and the cash-
ier can go into the regular budget*''

''That's all right/' said the editor,
"but who will open the cases?" .

"Cases?" asked the mayor blankly*

"Yes, cases/' said the editor, impa-
tiently j "clothing comes in wooden
cases*"

"Well," said the mayor, philosoph-
ically, "the guard can do it when
30

CHEAP TURKEY

things arc quiets In a pinch the pub-
licTI help him out, seeing they get the
stuff at cost/'

A whole page of the *^BeagIe*' pro-
claimed the gladsome news to the
world — that is, gladsome to all with
a few minuses that scarcely need to be
mentioned* Bakers and butchers and
grocers and coal men and their assist-
ants who had been '^eliminated/' faced
a deKghtfuI prospect of using a sum-
mer suit through the winter, and the
Clothing Serve-self afforded them
comfort only in the sense that misery
loves company* So the public, with
these exceptions — exceptions growing
larger with every step in the cam-
paign— was very glad to purchase
clothing at cost; and while the cloth-
iers fumed and fretted, the **BeagIe/'
with its golden words of yore, bade
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CHEAP TURKEY

them not to be so selfish* The
clothiers consoled themselves as much
as possible by turning their attention
to the haberdashery department, hop-
ing against hope that perhaps that
might be overlooked in the mad
scramble to sell goods at cost* There
was no need, however, for a fraction
of as many salesmen as before, and
by the usual process of the survival
of the fittest, the body of students of
the ever-shrinking help-wanted col-
umn was alarmingly increased*

It was a case of ^Whenever you
see a head, hit it,'' so very wisely the
heads remained out of view just as
much as possible* The merchants
began to cut down on their advertis-*
ing, for fear that by the process of
suggestion the line to which they were
giving publicity would be the next to
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CHEAP TURKEY

be pounced upon fay the faackers of the
city's selling at cost plan* And here-
by hangs a tale# Though the circula-
tion of the '^Beagle*' was growing
very rapidly — despite cancellations fay
the butchers, faakers, grocers, coal
dealers, clothiers and their assistants —
the advertising was showing a menac-
ing falling off* Not that it at all dis-
turfaed the serene soul of the militant
editor — serene in the consciousness of
a nofale task worthily performed — for
he was ofalivious to the more sordid
things of life* However, the mat-
ter was forcifaly farought to his atten-
tion fay the fausiness manager, who
kindly faut firmly conveyed the idea
that *%is sort of thing'' must stop*
The editor was none the less direct
with the retort courteous; a few well-
turned phrases revealing— in a way
33

CHEAP TURKEY

not to be misunderstood — that the edi-
torial department did not condescend
to argue matters of pubKc poKcy with
those whose ideals rose no higher than
lines and inches*

Despite his lofty attitude — or altin
tude — the editor confessed to himself
certain misgivings in regard to the
future of the newspaper if the cam-
paign for merchandise at cost should
eventually ''eliminate*' all of his pat-
rons* In quiet, unostentatious ways,
he did a few strokes — greatly against
his conscience, as he told himself — to
stem the tide* The headlines were
one si^e smaller* Other matters occa-
sionally secured a place on the front
page, and the mayor's picture appeared
only on alternate days — a proceeding
that nearly disrupted a beautiful friend-
ship j for the editor and the mayor
34

CHEAP TURKEY

were like unto Damon and Pythiasu
The love of Jonathan for David, said
of holy writ to exceed the love of
woman, could scarcely have been
greater than the sacred feeling: that
stirred their hearts* It was a fine ex-
ample for the youth of Blankfaurg to
emulate*

The editor paused in his mad career
of suggfesting new worlds to conquer^
Not so his devoted co-laborer, nor
the many ^'constant readers'* of his
paper* Suggestions piled in upon him
from all sides; suggestions that he
dared not turn aside even if he would*
Scarcely an article that is used by all
mankind was omitted from the Kst of
what the public would buy at cost,
the public being represented at least by
the man who wrote the letter* The;
editor was growing more conserva-
35

CHEAP TURKEY

tive, however, with the decreasing size
of his paper, due to lack of paid space*
He reluctantly confessed to the mayor
that they ''must make haste slowly/'

The mayor was of quite another
mind, however* ''Well clean up this
whole town,** he asserted, pounding
his fist* ''Let not a guilty man es-
cape*** The editor bowed his ac-
quiescence* Not a prophet of Baal
should be spared*

Nowt as it chanced^ the mayor
was an ardent equal-suffrage advocate;
— one thing to his credit at the least,
thoi^h his enemies suggested that
handsomeness of face and grace of de-
meanor gave him confidence in win-
ning the support of the gentler sex*
It galled the mayor*s sensitive soul to
have the men get the advantage of
buying clothing at cost without giving
36

CHEAP TURKEY

the ladies something to offset this« He
bided his time, as all the master minds
have done from the beginning of his-
tory, and on the very day when the
ordinary channels of trade were an-
nouncing their formal openings with
the very latest in spring millinery, he
blazoned forth across the ''BeagleV
front page:

'TADmy HATS AT COST*''

The editor was the more glad that
his co-worker had postponed action
until that day, since the paid advertise-
ments were already in the paper*

Talk about your sensations! A
cyclone could scarcely have made
more stir* The telephone service was
taxed to its capacity and beyond, while
Mrs* Smith and Mrs* Jones and thou-
37

CHEAP TURKEY

sands of their sisters discussed the
novel and highly delightful situation*
The mayor had divined that the
proper plan was a millinery serve-
self — each hat plainly marked, first
come, first served* A regiment of
starving men contending for a solitary
ham sandwich could not have put up
a more spectacular exhibition than the
mayor's first-day customers* Onlook-
ers would have been justified in be-
lieving that not a solitary Blankburg
woman went home that night with-
out a new hat* And they had bought
them at cost! The few remaining
pieces of headgear that had been unan-
imously dubbed ^'frights'* were surely
such in the most literal interpretation
of the word when the day was over*
The scene showed unmistakable
traces of the recent holocaust, and the
38

CHEAP TURKEY

guard and the cashier vaguely won-
dered if shattered nerves were included
in the items of **the cost*'*

The mayor was delighted* When-
ever he saw a beautiful woman on
the street wearing a becoming hat, he
whispered complacently to himself, **I
did that* Perhaps but for me sha
could only have afforded an ugly bon-
net**' The ladies* clubs Kstened atten-
tively to ringing resolutions in praise
of His Honor* Plans for a life-si^ed
statue in Green Park were being fav-
orably considered* More than one
other woman echoed Mrs* Goodman's
eulogy — ^''that dear, good Mr* Mayor*"
Mr* Mayor was wonderfully confident
that he could never be defeated if
equal suffrage came to be*

One point of difference arose be-
tween His Honor and his editorial
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confrere* It came about in this way:

**AI/' said the mayor, in the burst
of enthusiasm that betokens a sudden
discovery, ''how would it be if we
sold them beer at cost?''

''Beerr said the editor*

''Yes, beer; why not?'* replied His
Honor, preparing to wax eloquent in
defense of his roseate inspiration*

"Well, you know, Joe,*' said his
bosom chum, deprecatingly, "you can
hardly call beer a necessity*'*

The mayor waved the objection
aside* "That's largely in the way
you look at it," he said*

Nevertheless, the editorial support
was not so easily won over* After
debating the matter pro and con for
the better part of the afternoon, the
two, disagreeing in policy but eternally
firm in friendship, had compromised
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by agreeing to submit the whole mat-
ter to a higher power, viz*, the people*

*WeTI have a referendum/' shouted
the mayor, as though he were address-
ing a political gathering* *TLet the
people rule**'

The editor could hardly enter any
plausible objection to such a cotsrse, so
the next day's **BeagIe** had heavy
headlines across the front page;

u

BEER AT COST— DO THE
PEOPLE WANT ITr

Then foflowed an elucidation of
the plan of campa^^ The spring
election was but a few weeks away*
A few minor officials were to be chos-
en and the electorate could easily spare
additional time to voice its sovereign
mandate regarding the complex eco-
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nomic and social problem as to
whether or not the city should provide
such of its citizens as made use of
the commodity with beer* Such a
campaign as was w^ed over this
proposition had never been known in
Blankburg before, nor, indeed, in any
other municipality of which we have
record* It is said that politics makes
strange bed-fellows j and in the whirl-
wind campaign that followed the
**BeagIeV^ announcement, we see the
*'drys'' lined up on the same side with
the brewers and the saloon keepers*
Both were unalterably opposed to
Blankburg's going into the beer busi-
ness, the former from a matter of
principle, the latter as a matter of
profit* The mayor vaguely suggested
that in the case of beer, selling at cost
meant a much more substantial re-
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duction than with coal, clothing;, or
bread, or even ladies* hats* As one of
his henchmen affirmed, ''Why, beer
don't cost nothing/*

The campaign went merrily on*
''It was a case,** the mayor said, "of
the plain people gainst 'the inter-
ests,*** these consisting apparently of
those who drank nothing and believed
in spreading their example, and those
who believed that he who drinks
should pay* When the baflots were
counted, however, it was found, as
the mayor had predicted, that "the
ayes have it***

The result proved to be slightly dif-
ferent from that which was antici-
pated* Instead of saving money on his
Kquid refreshment, the average man
merely drank more of it* The move
was not, therefore, of the great
43

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economic importance that the mayor
had so confidently predicted* Never-
theless, he felt that he could congratu-
late himself on his coup* He assured
himself that he had made himself
more solid than ever with the great
unwashed multitude* More than that,
he thot^ht that he perceived a very
visible saving in campaigns to come
when ''the boys*' would expect him
to ''set 'em up/' "We'fl treat 'em/'
he told himself, "at the municipal re-
freshment stations* What could be
more appropriate?"

This aspect of the campaign by no
means passed unnoticed by the ladies,
and after a period of whispered con-
ferences— ^proving that secrets can be
maintained by the gentler sex — ^the
mayor found himself facing a most
formidable looking petition* Appar-
44

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ently every female of whatsoever age
in all Blankburg had affixed her signa-
ture, for the roll seemed interminable.
Force of might and numbers was
scarcely necessary, for the mayor had
ever an ear open for the popular de-
sire, and particularly so where the
ladies were concerned* *'It is the part
of chivalry,"' he decided, ''to grant the
request if it be within my power/'
The petition set forth:
"Wherein and inasmuch as by the
influence of your Honor, the Honor-
able Mayor of the city of Bknkburg,
and by popular vote (howbeit a large
number of those who were entitled
to the suffrage were denied this) the
said city entered into the operation of
refreshment stations where beer is
sold at cost, we hereby respectfully pe-
tition your Honor to a similar course
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in regard to ice cream sodas, ice cream
and sundaes; and we feel confident
that the high sense of justice and fit-
ness so eminently conspicuous in your
Honor from the beginning of your
pubKc life, will at once recognize the
righteousness of our request/'

The word had first been written
**demand/* but this had been crossed
off, but not entirely obliterated, and
''request'* substituted*

Would the mayor do it? Well, he
had only been awaiting the chance*
If the entire fifteen thousand who had
signed had only come to him with a
petition in boots — ^the dear creatures —
his cup of joy would have been over-
flowing, indeed* 'Petition in boots'*
sounded a little inapt to His Honor —
in pumps" were better*

The mayor at once instituted the
46

**t

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soft-drink refreshment stations* The
various delectables were served abso-
lutely at cost^ The question of help
gave the mayor an opportunity to
demonstrate those brilliant attributes
of mind that he confidently expected
would ultimately land him in the
President's chair* He appealed to the
ladies* Would they volunteer for duty
just one day a year in the municipal
ice cream parlors? Would they do
it? They were so delighted to repay
even partially the dear mayor for all
his kindness* So» being more or less
a co-operative proposition, the '*ice
cream at cost*' scheme was a huge
success, except that very many an
agile slinger of egg phosphates — ^the
experts who can toss the delectable
beverage far in the air, cause it to form
a complete letter ''S'* and fall grace-
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fully into the glass— found himself
out of a job* Some went to neighbor-
ing towns, some accepted engage-
ments in vaudeville as high-class jt^-
glers, and others waited for something
to ''turn up/' No use looking for work
in Blankburg* The process of **elim-
inating*' middlemen and their assist-
ants had given the town an army of
unemployed (as the figure of speech
has it) by the side of which the out-
of-work crowd in an ordinary panic
was a mere corporal's guard* The
situation-wanted department in the
liner columns diminished — ^not be-
cause the jobs were not desired, but
because of lack of funds to pay for the
ads and the uselessness of the appeal,
anyway* Of course, *'the people''
were buying their necessities a whole
lot cheaper than ever before, but a
48

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very large number had already begun
to suffer in the process — and the end
was not yet* The mayor seemed in-
satiate, like the sea monster with a
multitude of mouths, all ^'practicable/'
as the stage directions say* Some —
aside from the victims — ^began to
counsel moderation* *'Let us rest on
our honors/' they st^gested, well con-
tent to have the other man's business
plucked but fearful of their own* The
mayor's ambition, however, lay in the
direction of **a clean sweep*" He was
a * Vhole-hogger/' The clothing mer-
chant quickly found that his reliance
upon his haberdashery was a house
built upon the sands* The mayor's
logical mind had quickly perceived the
inevitable conclusion that a man is not
properly equipped when he has a coat
and vest and trousers* He could not
49

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tf

face the world so garbed, without em-
barrassments Neckwear, hats, col-
lars, cuffs, shirts and underwear soon
became part and parcel of the great **at
cost*' campaign* More of the men's
furnishing shops closed up* More
merchants sought greener fields, more
wonderfully polite young men at-
tempted to locate the spot where po-
liteness might be considered an asset*
The haberdashery *'serve - self
proved a little harder to manipulate
than the clothing* The mayor, with
his beautiful faith in human nature, a
faith difficult to understand in one ex-
perienced in politics, received many a
rude shock* His fervidly announced
opinion that not one citizen of Blank-
burg would be low enot^h or base
enough to take advantage of the kindly
municipality that furnished the neces-
50

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sities to him **aX cosf ' proved to be
slightly erroneous* The temptation to
tuck three neckties in the pocket and
to pay for only one at the door proved
to be a little too strong for certain of
Blankburg's electorate* The opera-
tion, therefore, of selling **at cost''
gave promise of furnishing a wholly
unwelcome deficit that the mayor was
somewhat at a loss to see how he
could take care of* He thought possi-
bly some funds might be diverted
from the school-building fund, if done
with sufficient finesse, and, as he as-
sured himself, the necessities were
more important than education, any-
way*

The mayor's campaign proceeded
with unabated fury* Hardly a week
went by without some line of mer-
chandise coming under the scope of
5t

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his selling: **aX cosf plan* It soon be-
came apparent that before many-
months had passed there would be prac-
tically no commercial fields in which
the city did not compete, and as the
city invariably sold *'at cost/' the local
merchants were usually put out of
business, though some survived, to
take care of the trade of those suffi-
ciently affluent to be willing to pay the
larger price and not be required to
wait on themselves and wrap their
own packages*

So universal had been the raid that
it was marvellous that boots and shoes
should have remained untouched as
long as they did* For this, John
Goodman and a host of others were
profotmdly thankful* Their jubilation
was destined to be rudely interrupted,
however, and it fell to the lot of John
52

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Goodman himself to be present when
His Honor came to the long expected
conclusion that it was within the city^s
province — ^nay, duty — to garb the
nether extremities of its citizens* The
mayor had entered the small estab-
lishment in which John Goodman
toiled for his daily sustenance*

**Show me a pair of shoes/* he said,
in the tone of one accustomed to hom-
agc* After two or three trials, John
Goodman succeeded in satisfying His
Honor in style, quaEty and fit — ^but
not in price, as he was soon to learn
to his consternation*

*How much?'' asked the mayor*

'Tour dollars,'* replied John Good-
man, with a fearsome tremble*

Tour dollars!" shouted His Honor*
'How much do they cost you?"
53

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Shaking from head to foot, John
confessed that he didn't know*

*T)on*t know?*' roared the mayor j
*'then please tell me what these curious
little symbols mean/'

John reluctantly admitted that they
were the cost mark*

'WeH, can't you read it?"

Again the unfortunate salesman
was obKged to yield to the mayor*
Yes, he could read it, but it was a
trade secret? his employer would not
allow him to divulge it*

*'Do you realize who I am, young
man?" shouted His Honor j *Tm the
mayor of Blankburg* It's my business
to reveal to the public fust such *trade
secrets' as this* Four dollars for shoes
— something rotten in the state of
Denmark* When I was a boy they
were sold for $2*50*"
54

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The mayor indignantly refused to
be *'held up/' as he termed it, and
postponed reshodding; himself until
the municipal shoe store could be put
in operation — ^which it was, within
a week*

That afternoon the common coun-
cil held a memorable executive ses-
sion cafled by the president* A lengthy
petition was read, demanding a mu-
nicipal newspaper* The aldermen
were inclined to favor it* In vain did
the mayor plead that the matter be
placed upon the table* His enemies,
seeing a chance to lure newspaper sup-
port away from him, insisted that the
petition be acted upon* The vote was
favorable and a committee was ap-
pointed to get the municipal daily in
active operation at the earKest possi-
ble momenta ''None of us fellows *II
55

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get roasted any more/' said one alder-
man, sagely*

It was with a heavy heart that the
mayor went around to the **Be^le's''
office to break the sad news to his old
friend* To his surprise, he found the
door closed and a s^n hung upon the
window: *TubIication temporarily
suspended/'

**Yes," confessed the editor, when
the mayor succeeded in locating him,
^'the advertising stopped and so the
paper stopped* I'm going to change
my name and go to Chicago/'

About this time the mayor's sup-
porters started to circulate his peti-
tions for the gubernatorial primary*
Strange to say, an ungrateful people
were extremely reluctant to come to
his aid* The people who had been
'^eliminated" seemed to be the great
56

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predominating majority and they were
all looking for somebody else's petition
to sign» The mayor was desperate^
If his own city — ^the city which he
loved and for which he had sacrificed
so much — ^if Blankburg turned against
him, how could he hope to win? The
governorship, the presidency, receded
rapidly from his vision*

Business — ^which, after all, is the
very foundation of the American city;
— ^was at a standstill in Blankburg*
The main street was one long proces-
sion of '*To Rent'* signs* The popu-
lation was rapidly dwindling* Those
who stayed were unemployed* The
factories had all the help needed and
the commercial world had been par-
alyzed* Taxes were due for a big
jump* Rather than not sell at exact
cost, the mayor had put into the
57

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budget various items for assistance in
distributing goods* This had given
work to a few — ^if they were of the
right party* *'SeII out and get out/'
became a favorite motto, but in most
cases only the latter proved practicable.
Every bank in town was enjoying a
continuous **run/*

Thanksgiving eve came around
again* John Goodman was on his
way home* He was looking the re-
verse of prosperous* Like most of his
trade, he was ''on the street**' Even a
municipal ''at cost'* hand-me-down he
did not see his way clear to afford*
No feeling of elation was in his heart
now* He was wondering where he
could get enough money to "dig out**'
He thot^ht of a year ago to-night
with a bitter smile* He remembered
hi« wife's surprise and joy# Yes, tur-
58

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key was still chcap« John had seen
the price marks at the municipal mar-
ket on his way home* Turkey was
cheapt all right, but John Goodman
had no money to pay for it.

59

By William Ganson Rose

The Ginger Cure

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Putting Marshville
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UNIVERSITY OF CAUFORNIA UBRARY