Chronicles of Gretna Green

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SEELEY W. MUDD
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GEORGE I. COCHRAN MEYER ELSASSER

DR.JOHNR. HAYNES WILLIAM L. HONNOLD

JAMES R. MARTIN MRS. JOSEPH F. SARTORI

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UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA

SOUTHERN BRANCH

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CHRONICLES

GRETNA GREEN.

By peter ORLANDO HUTCHINSON.

" Marry in haste, and repent at leisure." — Old Proeerb.

IN TWO VOLUMES.
VOL. IL

LONDON:
RICHARD BENTLEY, NEW BURLINGTON STREET.

1844.

88337

LONDOM :

Printed by S. & J Uentlev, Wjlson, find Fi-ey,
Bangtor I-iousc, Shoe hanc.

3^

CONTENTS

OF

THE S'ECOND VOLUME.

CHAPTER I.

PAGE

Topography of tlie Country between Carlisle and Gretua . 1

CHAPTER II.

Gretna Green : its Toll-gate Keeper and Marrying-houses 13

CHAPTER III.
Description of Gretna Hall, the principal Marriage-house . .3.3

CHAPTER IV.
Ijord Erskinc's Marriage at Gretna . .45

CHAPTER V.

Poverty in relation to the Married State. — Lord Hard-
wicke's Marriage's Act, which put an end to Fleet Marriages,
and gave birth to those of Gretna. — Disquisition on Gretna
Marriages. . . . .65

CHAPTER VI.
Gretna Marriages. — Wakefield and Miss Turner. . 88

CHAPTER VII.
Gretna Marriages. — Wakefield and Miss Turner. . 94

VOL. 11. /'

vi . CONTENTS,

CHAPTER VIII.
Gretna Marriages. — Wakefield and Miss Turner. . 106

PARR

CHAPTER IX.

Ancient Marriage Customs . . . .124

CHAPTER X.

Essay on Marriage . . . . .138

CHAPTER XI.
The new Marriage Act ... . . . 148

CHAPTER XII.
Rivalry of the Gretna Priests . . . .160

CHAPTER XIII.

Qualifications or non-q>ialifications of tlie Gretna Green
Priests 172

CHAPTER XIV.

Erroneous idea tliat the Priest of Gretna is a lilacksmitli . 175

CHAPTER XV.

Runaway Match of a Bishop's Daughter . . 190

CHAPTER XVI.
Visit to the Gretna Priest ..... 200

CHAPTER XVII.

Expenses of Marriage at Gretna . . .210

CHAPTER XVIII.
Expenses of Marriage at Gretna, continued . 2.'}0

CONTENTS. VII

CHAPTER XIX.

PAGK

Story of an P'lopcment from Bath to Gretim . . 252

CHAPTER XX.
Recapitulation of the subject .... 273

CHAPTER XXI.
Advice to Young Ladies ..... 276

CHRONICLES

OF

GRETNA GREEN.

CHAPTER I.

Topography of the Country between Carlisle and Gretna.

Some facts about Geography

Amuse us for awhile ;
And chiefly the Topography

'Twixt Gretna and Carhsle.

What a pity it is that the exquisite romance of
running away with a lady, and marrying her clan-
destinely, should ever be tarnished by subsequent
matrimonial squabbles. Alack and well-a-day ! surely
it must be a most humiliating consideration, for people
to find themselves launching cutting speeches at each
otlier, when the remembrance of the caresses, the
rapture, the triumph, that swelled in their bosoms
at the successful moment of escape to Gretna is still
fresh in their minds, if they only dare to recall it.
We say dare to recall it : and it is certain that it
must require some com-age to venture to look back upon

VOL. II. B

2 SOME FACTS ABOUT

these thrilling moments at such a time as we mention,
— that is, when the novelty of wedded life has in
some sort passed away, — when the person whom we
had always yearned for, and sighed for, and had look-
ed upon as an angel moving upon earth, is, Indeed, no
more than a human being, possessed of weaknesses,
frailties, and imperfections, not to say vices ; — at such
time, when these failings have increased so far as to
create not only indifference but absolute loathing;
and when this loathing has broken out into bicker-
ings, contradictions, and wrangling; then, we say,
it will require some courage to look back with the
mind's eye upon the sweet congratulations of having
achieved a midnight elopement unprevented, un-
stopped, unarrested.

And why should it require such courage to reflect
upon bliss that is gone ?

It has been said that there is no grief so great as
the recollection of past happiness when in the days
of misery. This may be a great grief, certainly;
but we were talking of humiliation. Grief may be
proud, stern, savage, imbending ; but humiliation can
scarcely be either of these. Humiliation makes the
feeler of it small, degraded, stricken down, abashed ;
but why should such a remembrance produce such
an effect? Why, for this reason: that it lets us
know that our judgment was erroneous ; that we
were incapable of making a wise selection, or that
the person we selected managed to outwit us in
dissimulation ; that we certainly made a shallow and
foolish choice ; and then the inference is, that he who

GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY. 3

makes a foolish choice must, per consequence, be a
fool, and that is not flattering to our vanity ; in fine,
it makes us out of humour with ourselves, and that is
more galling than being out of humour with all the
world besides ; and when we are out of humour with
ourselves we grow sour and peevish, and soon vent
that ill humour upon the nearest object to us, and the
unhappy one that is so closely allied to the origin
of these disquiets.

It is hard, too, that our ill-humour should be poured
out upon our helpmate ; as if that helpmate had com-
mitted a crime merely for having complied with our
most pressing desires — that is, of becoming our part-
ner. Did we not wish it ? did we not promote it ?
did we not solicit it, urge it, importune it ? Of a
truth it was very kind in the other party to comply
with our request ; to yield to what we vowed was
the only thing left us to ensure our happiness. Why,
really, we never thought of looking at the matter
in this %ht before. Is it possible that we can vent
our peevishness on our partner, who actually became
our partner to satisfy our most fervent entreaty ?
Positively also, our mate has great reason to be
angered with us : did we not consent to marry our
mate when it was our mate"'s pleasure that it should
be so ? Yes, this cannot be denied ; and therefore
we have commited an offence which our mate never
can forgive, and for which our mate will never desist
persecuting us.

" Married love never lasts ; dat is not in de nature,"
said the unfortunate Queen CaroHne some thirty years

b2

4 SOME FACTS ABOUT

ago ; a sweeping denunciation, certainly, and but an
indifferent encouragement to maidens and bachelors.
" I could be the slave of the man I love," she ob-
served to one of her ladies at another time, with a
great deal of truth ; truth, because it is a sentiment
in which all other women will agree ; ay, and men
too. " 1 could be the slave of the man I love ;
but to one whom I loved not, and who did not love
me, impossible — c'est autre chose."

We wish the queen had bequeathed us some receipt
for ensuring the permanency of wedded love : but
alas ! for her, she was one of the last who could have
transmitted such a bequest. She judged of every one
by her own individual self, when she said, " Married
love never lasts ; dat is not in de nature ;" but after
all, if we look round the world, and scrutinize the
opinions of men, we shall see that almost all their
theses, dogmata, and theorems, are not founded so
much on the wisdom of others as they are on their
own abstract experience. Because her wedded love
did not last, she broadly declared that the wedded
love of every person besides did not, and would not,
last.

Philosophers and moralists preach mutual forbear-
ance as one of the especial ensurers of happiness;
and philosophers and moralists are right in thus
preaching : but it is so hard to resist being cross, and
to stifle an ill-natured remark when things have gone
wrong, and have put us out of sorts. And therefore,
of course, on the other hand, it is particularly easy, —
it is even pleasant^ to give a short answer when the

GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY. 5

person to whom it is spoken has provoked us to
anger, whether justly or not. This is a vile ingredi-
ent in human nature ; and yet there are few, how-
ever amiable as human nature goes, who will not con-
fess that they know it to be fact.

After saying this, it may appear strange that we
should pave the way to Gretna by writing this work.
But we are not paving the way thither in these'
pages ; and we mean to take every opportunity of
appending a wholesome moral to each anecdote con-
nected with the disreputable practice of journeying to
that bourn, and to lay open every circumstance touch-
ing that practice, not that the reader should become
enamoured of it, but rather that he or she should
detest it and eschew it.

For the information of all those whom it may
concern, we will by these presents make them ac-
quainted r.ith the modern geography of this region,
as we have hitherto spoken of its ancient appear-
ance ; so that the mad and the inconsiderate who
journey this way to destruction, or at all events to
matrimony, may the better comprehend where they
are going, and not otherwise, like the blind, fall
together into the ditch.

Now, the veritable distance from the ancient city
of Carlisle, on whose wall the sun shines bright,
as the minstrel's ballad says, unto Gretna, is nine
miles and one half, for there is a mile-stone on the
right-hand, or eastern side of the road, under the
hedge, indicating to that effect : it is just opposite
the first cottage you come to on entering this in-

6 SOME FACTS ABOUT

teresting village, and at about two hundred yards
from Gretna Hall, the principal marrying-shop. By
this it will be seen that the whole and complete dis-
tance from the famous city wherein Arthur held his
court and Peredur flourished, across the Debateable
Land and the border, even up to the very altar, is
two hundred yards more than the nine miles and a
>half — or, say nine miles and three quarters, which
will be making the most of the evil, and taking the
matter at the worst, to those who think it far too
long, and are impatient to get over it. But the
distance from this city to the river Sark, or boundary-
line betwixt the two kingdoms, is about nine miles
lawful measure, as near as may be, scarce more or
less ; and at this distance all fugitives may safely
calculate on being beyond the reach of English pursu'S.

Now, it will not be difficult to perceive how very;
providentially all these measurements are made out,
the said nine miles and the fraction being just a
convenient length for a posting stage ; not too long,
but that the horses may be kept hard at it all the
way, and quite long enough for the patience of the
knight and his ladye love, who, be it observed, are
now anxious to attain unto that bourn whence none
(or few) return, and who are both on the last stage
of their journey and of their celibacy.

Such progresses, howbeit, progress toward evil, and
swains and maidens would do well to eschew them,
seeing that, for the most part, they be undertaken
lacking the sanction of parents, or the approval of
friends, but are rather promoted at the instigation

GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY. 7

and enforcement of the devil ; and this sheweth us
the reason why they do always on such occasions
drive speedily, for it is said, we must needs go quick
when the devil driveth.

The road is a right fair road as roads go, (though
they move not,) notwithstanding it passes over an
unstable foundation, altogether lacking *' firmness ;"
but there is a modern road-maker, being the son
of Adam, (for " mak signifieth a sonne," said John
Elder to Henry VIII.,) who declared that he would
sooner make a road over a soft bed, than over a bed
of rock. After crossing the bridge of Carlisle, near
the meadow where Peredur, the Prince of Sunshine,
tilted with and overthrew the discourteous knight
who had insulted Queen Gwenhwyvar by dashing
the goblet out of her hand as she was drinking, there
is an easy ascent until you attain the summit of a
hill, over which, in the olden time, ran the Picts'
wall, otherwise the wall of Adrian or Severus, about
which we have made sufficient historical mention
heretofore. Nothing remains of this fortification in
the present day exactly at this spot, by reason that
the soil of the district is not rocky, so that the coulter
of the plough and the self-same Time that aided to
build it, have more recently levelled it to the ground ;
but further eastward, at the stone quarries, traces are
yet visible, and will gratify the inquiries of the anti-
quarian pilgrim. From the summit of this rising,
even all the way to the border, the road is passing
level, so that the horses would not say that it were
much on the collar ; it is, for the most part, bounded

8 SOME FACTS ABOUT

on either hand by a dreary waste, even the Debate-
able Land, or Solway Moss ; a few cheerless huts lie
dotted about with their enclosures, like oases in the
great desert of Zahara ; and here and there the bar-
renness of the scene is enlivened by some plantations
of fir trees. This description of the country is not
given without a reason. Furthermore, in the remote
north-east, the western extremities of the Cheviots
may be seen rising as a background ; and on the
opposite side, toward the setting sun, a fair ken of
the western waters openeth to the view. The inha-
bitants of the said huts look exceedingly miserable ;
they are squalid in ve^ure, and meagre in feature,
one while turning up. peat for winter fuel, and at
another turning up what they are pleased to term
their gardens. The children are ragged and dirty,
curious to look at passers-by, and not apt to return
any base coin that may be thrown to them.

This kind of road continues much the same until
it attains the Eske, over which it is carried by a
creditable stone and iron bridge ; and then, on reach-
ing the Sark, a smaller stream, it passes, by another
bridge of stone, actually over the border into the
sister kingdom.

Alter crossing the Sark, the road, for the last half
mile into the village of Gretna, ascends by a mode-
rate inclination ; wherefore, in order to tear up this
hill with matrimonio-runaway effect, so as to strike
admiration into the hearts of all curious beholders,
it is well to ease the cattle over the last mile on
the more level moss, (unless papa happens to be

GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY. 9

close behind,) because, oh ! thou most sociable com-
panion, that dost accompany us through these pages,
although, as we have said, this be an evil undertaking,
still, if it is done, why, let it be done in a comely
manner. Even Pluto himself we would see ascend
his burning throne with grace.

We said before, that this minute description of
the aspect of the country over which the last stage
of the eventful journey passes, has not been written
without reason ; verily, to say the honest truth, it
has been done for the particular information of all
married persons who have driven over this road, and
have been wedded at Gretna Green. Indeed ! how
so ? Because, forsooth, it is notorious, that when
two lovers are sitting in one carriage on their way
to be thus united, they are ever and always looking
sweetly right into each other's eyes, so that they
never see one bit of the country outside. Thus, it
has been remarked, that all runaways who have been
over the Debateable Land, know less about it than
any other travellers whatsoever. We, ourself, did
not go this way on an eloping adventure ; conse-
quently we kept our eyes directed out of the car-
riage to observe the country, having no inducement
to direct them in, no bright orbs to look into and
discourse with, but scrutinized the face of the dis-
trict, and made such valuable notes as should serve
for this most important history. The above descrip-
tion, we repeat, therefore, has been carefully drawn
up for the perusal of all those bright eyes that were
gazing passionately into each other when they were

B 5

10 SOME FACTS ABOUT

borne along over this last stage, — that is, by the by,
if those bright eyes have not since been scratched out.

On entering the village, the stone of nine miles and
a half may be seen by the way-side on the right-
hand ; a hundred yards beyond that, on the left, is the
village church, — but you are not going there, so pass
on, — ^and beyond that, again, is the green, from which
the name of Gretna Green arose, it being a triangular
piece of grass at the convergence of several roads,
and on the further side of that is the entrance to
Gretna Hall, the modem aristocratic establishment
for being married at.

In the days of my Lord Erskine and other person-
ages of renown, it was customary to marry in the old
village of Springfield, a place that is distant about
half a mile from the green : but the bright star of
Springfield has sunk beneath the horizon, and the
hall has sprung up, much to its injury and disparage-
ment. The great road from Carlisle into Scotland
used to run directly through Springfield, so that it
then lay on the principal thoroughfare ; but about
the year 1826 — more or less — a new road thence to
Glasgow was cut through these parts, in such sort
as wholly to eschew the said place ; so that the
peregrinator wending this way cannot see it at all,
nor would he know of its existence unless he were
particularly advertised of it.

Hence it is, that Springfield has suffered much
in prosperity since the alteration, being entirely cut
off from travellers, and well-nigh forgotten by those
who come hastily to be wedded.

GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY. 11

The neglect of the village has led to the increase
of buildings round the green near the church, close
to which the new road runs ; and hence has arisen
within the last few years, for matrimonial accommo-
dation, (with a true eye to business and a favourable
locality,) that comparatively large, neat, and comfort-
able mansion ycleped " Gretna Hall."*' It is a kind
of hotel or boarding-house, having coach-house, sta-
bles, and everything meet for the horrible end in view
— but of this more anon.

It is necessary to explain, that although the place
has ever gone by the name of " Gretna Green,"
people were always executed in the village of Spring-
field. Now, attached to this village there was, and,
as we have said, there still is, a green or open space,
where the inhabitants used to meet of a summer's
evening to enjoy themselves with a game of shinty,
tennis, or other ancient pastime ; — such a green as of
old pertained and appertained to many towns and vil-
lages in England, and which, in some cases remains
to this day — and this green under discussion, was the
village green of Springfield.

Perhaps, then, it will be demanded, since we say
it was the green of Springfield, why it was not called
Springfield Green rather than Gretna Green. To this
we answer, that the parish in which the village stands
and is included, is named Gretna, and that the
Green was apparently christened after the parish,
as the principal or whole, and not after the village,
which was only s. part.

Lying, as it does, on the great road northward, and

12 GEOGRAPHY AND TOPOGRAPHY.

at the confluence of several minor thoroughfares, the
Green is now considered as the nucleus, to the pre-
judice of Springfield. On the north side lies the lawn
and entrance to the Hall ; the post-office is on
the east ; the parish church and the manse, or cler-
gyman"'8 residence, on the south ; and from the west,
or most acute angle of the trigon, proceed at a slight
divergence, the two roads, one to Annan, and the
other to Glasgow ; whilst the intervals between these
buildings and roads are pretty well filled up with
cottages.

Such is the present arrangement of this place ; in
describing which we consider we have done the
reader a great service, particularly if he (or she) pur-
poses going that way, and would wish to comprehend
the geography thereof previously.

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 13

CHAPTER II.

Gretna Green: its Toll-gate keeper and Marrying-houses.

Some good advice is here conscribed

For those who stand in need :
The Toll-gate keeper is described

For those who choose to read.

Although in the last chapter we said we were not
paving the way to Gretna Green by writing these
pages, and although we said that we would lose no
opportunity of appending a wholesome moral to each
anecdote which it will be our province to record,
yet let it not be concluded that we are therefore
one of that 'Axa^fiia of modern philosophers, who
go about decrying matrimony altogether, as a state
into which the rising generation had better not think
of entering, and which ought to be looked on by those
who do venture into it, at best but as a necessary
evil.

That which is natural cannot be wrong : and
that compact between the sexes which is of divine
origin, must be right from its very origin. If,
therefore, there is anything whereof to complain,
the fault lies in ourselves, and not in the institu-
tion. The institution, in itself, is purposed to ensure
our happiness, and where it does not achieve this, it

14 THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER.

is not referable to the divine framer of the condition,
but to our own weaknesses, petulancies, and devilish
evil passions.

We hold matrimony to be necessary; the only
thing is, to enter upon it advisedly, wisely, and
discreetly. Thus, then, when we say that we are not
now paving the way to Gretna Green, we mean what
we say — videlicet, that we are not paving the way
to Gretna Green, or persuading people to go thither-
ward, but are by no means counselling against mar-
riage in other more creditable places. Let all marry,
so be they do it considerately ; and let them do it
before the altar in the midst of Mother Church, with
well-approving friends and neighbours around them ;
and if, after having done our best to obtain a peaceful
life, we discover that we have been deceived in our
judgments of the partners we have selected, why, the
misfortune must be considered in the same light as
other appointments in this world are considered,
that is, as one of the trials which it has pleased Pro-
vidence to lay upon us. It is an after-satisfaction to
reflect that we took the step to the best of our reason,
and with the best concurrence of our relations ; but
such after-satisfaction cannot alleviate those who have
to remember that they ran away to Gretna Green
against the wishes, counsel, or consent of their parents,
guardians, or whomsoever it might have been.

There is no sting so bitter as that of remorse ; and
to be angry with ourselves for having done a foolish
thing, cuts ten times sharper than the anger of all the
whole world else. The anger of another against us

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 15

may fire our resentment for a moment, and enkindle
our rage against that other ; but remorse for our
own misdeeds is a never-dying worm, which gnaws
the heart in secret, corrodes it like acid eating
into metal, and dives deep, like the canker grub that
creeps into the centre of the rose-bud. Compared
with this, the outburst of rage is almost a noble
passion. Rage against another, where we have jus-
tice on our side, is a swelling, an inspiring, an ex-
panding passion ; but remorse is a humiliating,
self-degrading, lessening, compressing passion : and
where we feel little in our own eyes, painful indeed
is the sensation. Wherefore, good reader, eschew
Gretna Green for fear of this remorse, and have rec-
titude on your side by repairing properly to church.

Immediately after the way-farer has passed the
Sark, he will perceive a toll-gate just beyond the
bridge on the right-hand side ; this is the first
building over the border, and is situated close there-
unto, as the reader will conceive. Now, this is a right
excellent situation for business : as it lies at the very
entrance of the Sister Kingdom ; it is on the chief
road of the country, over which everybody journey-
ing into western Scotland must pass ; in fine, it is
there like the open mouth of a net set against the
stream.

The advantageous site of this toll-gate was too
valuable to be neglected, and herein dwells one Simon
Beatie, collector of tolls, tribute, and so forth, and a
man who may be described as being " wide awake."
He is a knowing and slirewd personage, well to do in

16 THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER.

the world, and knows " what 's what," which, as we
take it, is a praise far above common.

As the office of marrying in Scotland is not re-
stricted to a certain privileged few, but is open
to all, to be performed by every one whom it
may concern, and as he who thus accommodates
the needy does not do so there for nothing, any
more than elsewhere, why it follows that this trade
may be made not an unprofitable one, if the self-or-
dained priest can only procure customers. Well,
now, we have said that Simon lives on the great
thoroughfare — this was a wise choice for locality;
but then, scores of candidates for matrimony might
come over the bridge on foot, (as tliey often do to
lull suspicion,) and pass through the gate on their
way to the Green, for foot passengers have no ex-
cuse for tarrying at toll-gates, having no tribute to
pay. Be it so : but we have said that Simon was
" wide awake," and so he determined to give them
au excuse for stopping. He set up a large and at-
tractive sign-board over his door, whereon is notified,
in bright paint, that he is the vender of " ale, porter,
and spirituous liquors," so that the weary and the
thirsty may now enter his dwelHng, in order to rest
their bones and moisten their clay. This was consi-
derate. But dost thou think, right courteous reader,
that Simon reared up this huge emblazonment solely
and simply to decoy the parched over his threshold ?
Oh, no ! Simon is a shrewd man, as aforesaid, and
can look as far into an oak plank as most men. He
intended it as an excuse for the shy and diffident, Avho

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 17

might not at first have courage to declare the true
object of their coming. All persons whatsoever, let
their motive for journeying this way be what it may,
have, under the authority of this board, an allege-
able reason for stepping in and asking after his
health ; this is just the very thing he intended. It
is the plea of the thirsty, and the cloak of the mo-
dest ; they allege the first, being stricken with fear
through the power of the second.

Touching this enterprising individual, there are
many witty and waggish anecdotes current in the
parish, ay, and beyond the bounds of the parish,
too ; these, for the most part are, peradventure, set
abroach by the villagers, rather through envy and
jealousy of a thriving rival in the trade, than as being
broadly based on truth ; yet, it is certain, that in
much falsehood spoken, some truth will ever be found
to run astray. Not a being passes the bridge but
Simon searchingly scans him with his eye, first
through the little diagonal window which flanks and
commands the road, such as all toll-gates possess, and
then from his front door, at greater advantage, for he
is anxious to secure him ere he can get to the other
marrying-shops. If there be anything in the stran-
ger^s appearance that looks like wedlock, or as if
bent on wedlock, Simon \t'ill courteously, but bluntly,
(for such is his manner,) bid him welcome over the
border by coming to the threshold, as if to receive
toll or, if the stranger be on foot, so as to be wholly
exempt from paying scot, he will then come, merely
prompted by a feeling of philanthropy, which he

18 THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER.

should appear to bear towards every fellow-creature,
and inquire how matters speed in the south country.

Some say that he is somewhat of an inquisitive
turn, because he is wont to be very loquacious to
those who cross the bridge.

" How now, traveller ?" he will say to him, as he
approaches, " I ken ye find the roads dusty," (or
heavy, or wet, or dry, or rough, or pleasant, or un-
pleasant, as the case may be,) " how far gang ye ?
'tis a far cry to Annan."

" I am not going to Annan," the wayfarer may
answer.

" And right too, for ye '11 na get there till ye are
tired. Ye ken not the distance to Annan ; ye are
a stranger in these parts by your talk."

" I know this country but imperfectly," is the
likely reply; "and if I had never come thus far, I
should have known still less."

" Aweel, aweel, now, and that 's true ; and those
that coom here, pick up knowledge that they '11 na
learn anywhere else.'-

" Every locality has its own pecuUar history, and
each place we journey to furnishes something new.
It is not strange, therefore, that this neighbourhood
should be the home of facts, or traditions, or legends,
that are not to be met with elsewhere."

" Right ; and facts, too, as no other parish in hgr
majesty's dominions ever contained the Hke. Why,
ken ye what parish ye have stepped into, now that
ye have passed yon river ?"

" What parish ? I know nothing of the divisions

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 19

of your parishes in Scotland, or where their boundary
lines begin and end ; but, if I am not mistaken, the
village of Gretna Green is somewhere about here,
though I don't mean to say I can tell how far off."

" And that 's the name of the parish ! the most
celebrated parish in all the whole earth ; and this
toll-gate is the most famous toll-gate that ever was
built, not because I take so many bawbees from
passers by, but for reasons much more important, as
I ken."

" Certainly," the peregrinator will observe, as he
gives a glance at the white- washed house ; *' I should
not have been particularly struck with the external
appearance of the building, for it looks much like
most others of the same class."

*' No, no, no," Simon will answer hastily ; " no,
ye '11 na say there 's anything aboot it ; and no more
there is, barring the inside. I ken ye 're tired ; —
we sell home-brewed beer, ale, porter, cider, foreign
wines, whiskey, and other spirituous liquors ; and
though, as ye say, there 's nothing striking outside
—except tbe board that bears those words of course
—the inside is one of the neatest insides ye ever
went into, especially the parlour with , the comer
window that looks down the road."

" No doubt, no doubt. How far is it to the
nearest public .''"

" Oh ! now, I ken it 's a far cry, and ye '11 be over-
much tired an ye go further till ye 've rested awhile,
and filled your painch with a farl of bread, or a ban-
nock, and a mutchkin of berry-brown."

20 THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER.

" No,"" I am neither tired nor hungry: and if I
stand in need of no rest, nor require any of your
berry-brown or heather-dew, why should I tarry
here and dally by the way-side ? "

*' Ye are na in sich a hurry as that. There ""s a
braw big hoose up at the Green, where they will
charge ye for just looking into the gateway : an if ye
gang into the door, ye '11 na coom oot again till
your bawbees are a' gone. He who goes in there
will change weight between his heart and his purse ;
and when he comes away he will find his purse as
light as his heart might ha' been when he went in, but
yet not nearly so full : and his heart will be as
heavy as his purse might have been, but not with gold
though — so tahk that for a truth."

" And pray what is the name of this ' braw big
hoose,' against which you warn ijie ? "

" Oh, they cahl it the hahl,"

" The hall ?— Gretna Hall ? "

" May be ye've heard on it afore."

" I have heard the name."

" Aweel sir, yeVe na coom to Scotland for
nothing — have ye ? "

" I never go or come anywhere for nothing; if
I did, I should be wasting time and strength to very
little purpose."

" That 's true ; and may be yeVe not coom to
Gretna for nothing neither."

" Of course not. I should be spending time and
strength uselessly if I had— just as I said before."

" Perhaps you would. Any information . that you

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 21

want about the customs of this parish I can give
you better than any man on the border, and you will
do well to inquire here before you go further, for
you know not whom you meet or how they will try
to persuade you."

" You speak as if I had entered a region of
difficulties, temptations, and perplexities, wherein I
am to be tried, and sounded as to my motives, and
watched and dogged and questioned as to the object of
my coming amongst you. Surely I may pass through
Gretna Green unnoticed, or tarry as long as I like, and
go when I like, without being subject to such scrutiny .''"

" Oh Lor, sir, this is the land o' liberty as far as
that goes, and ye be welcome over the Sark ; but
when we see a stranger on the Moss cooming this
way, we like to know what is the news that he brings
along with him ; for it is a true saying, that no two
men pos.sess the same knowledge — not if they both
came from the same place, and had lived there all
their days among the same people — and so ye ken
that every one, whoever he is, always brings some
thing different.'"

" Very good, that is like enough."

Thus Simon will feel his way, and probe th6
unsuspecting who travel thitherward. He will ap-
pear particularly anxious to welcome him — no mat-
ter whom or from whence emanating — to the land
of cakes and ale ; he wiU ask the news south at Car-
lisle, how business speeds, whether the traveller
has succeeded in the undertaking he had heard he
was engaged in, when it is likely to be completed,

22 THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER.

wbether he is not wearied after his walk, and indeed,
whether he will not come in for five minutes and
crush a cup or so ? These and such like wary ques-
tions, judiciously urged, will sometimes elicit from the
visitor the purport of his coming, yet if the said
visitor, when he has discovered wherefore he is thus
catechised, wholly disclaims being bent on a matri-
monial adventure, Simon is so suspicious lest he may
be deceived, and so fearful lest the rival priesthood
in the village should take the job from him, that the
strongest asseverations to the contrary, will rarely
satisfy him that no wedlock is contemplated.

Thus it is, that his neighbours merrily relate how
he one day forcibly waylaid an old woman and her
nephew as they were returning from Carlisle market,
and well nigh constrained them to enter into the holy
estate, in spite of all their protestations against the
proceeding. It was in vain they declared that they
were actual aunt and nephew, and repudiated the
very idea ; it was in vain they swore they were only
two innocent relations returning quietly to their
homes after a day of traffic and toil ; it was in
vain the old woman called her nephew, " boy,"
and " child," and " lad " (for he was forty years
younger than herself), Simon was deaf to all argu-
ments, and all expostulations ; he had taken the notion
into his imagination, and he was headstrong and
determined. These boisterous words reverberated
widely through the valley, until they accosted the ears
of certain of the villagers at a distance; and this
served to attract them hastily to the spot, where their

THE TOLL-GATE KEEPER. 23

assistance was verily in request. Gentle entreaty and
mild persuasion wholly failed to ac-hieve their deli-
verance ; and it was not until more decided measures
were taken that they succeeded in rescuing these
victims from Simon and from matrimony.

'Tis also pleasantly told, that a man travel-
ling along the road, whereon he had never been
before, being a stranger in these parts, did by a
mere chance meet a woman of whom he inquired the
way ; and how Simon pounced upon them both as
they were holding converse ; and how he desired to
make them forthwith swear hymeneal faith and love
to each other till death should them part ; and for-
sooth, how it was tliat none could persuade him that
they were strangers and had never met before ; and
even if that were true, he saw no reason, never-
theless, why he should not wed them. Surely these
be witty conceits, and right merrily set forth.

We have not told our friends by what chance it
was that we were suddenly stirred up to repair to
Gretna Green, and when there, to tarry several days
in the parish for the purpose of collecting, " in-
teresting materials,''' such as should serve for this
authentic history — but it can be done in a few lines.

It so befel for our pleasant recreation, we had
been making a peregrination round the Highlands,
and were returning homeward toward the dew- drop-
ping south — ay, and had even crossed the Debateable
Land, and arrived in the ancient city of Carlisle.

By another chance also, we here became ac-
quainted with a funny, laughing specimen of hu-

24 ' MARRYING-HOUSES.

manity, who had himself taken a wife to his bosom
at Gretna, and who was full of anecdote touching
the adventure, so soon as he saw how curious and
amused we were. He eloquently narrated how im-
patiently his lady-love and himself sped over the
border in the carriage, and never saw one bit of
Solway Moss or the country, for the reasons before
given ; — how he found *' the blacksmith" so called,
infinitely drunk, and fast asleep; — how he shook
him by the shoulders to arouse him to life and to
duty imperative — how the said blacksmith rubbed
his maudlin eyes, and cried out for another noggin ; —
and how he could have been married for a shilling,
only he came in a chaise, and so he paid half a
guinea.

Such words were not without their effect ; the man
was stirred up within us; we repented us of our
sin, and incontinently girding up our loins for the
journey, we forthwith hastened back over the Sark,
and took up our lodgment in the mansion hard by
the Green.

There are several marrying-shops in this most
remarkable and interesting parish, by the proprietors
of which the trade is pretty much monopolized to
the exclusion of many others who would set up for
themselves in so profitable a line, if they could con-
trive it ; but when strangers rush hastily into the
place, they must of necessity repair to some hotel or
inn, there to abide whilst the ceremony is being perpe-
trated ; and thus the proprietors of such establishments
possess advantages in monopoly which no private

MARRYING-HOUSES. 25

persons can cope with, although any inhabitant may
have equal right to marry the strangers, just as
much as the innkeepers. Thus a kind of under-
standing has been set up, and entered into between
the inn-keepers of Carlisle and the inn-keepers of
Gretna : the former sending customers to the latter,
their friends, and the latter playing back into the
hands of the former by sharing the rich proceeds ;
— and in this manner they reciprocally carry on a
right slashing business. •

The wisdom of such a situation as that of Simon
Beatie close to the bridge over which every one
must pass, will now manifestly be perceived ; for he
knew how many rivals, enemies, and monopolizers
prowled about the village ; and hence, by getting
just within the border, he was determined to secure
the first chance, and to forestal them as much as
possible.

Gretna Hall, — before mentioned— or simply, " the
hall," as it is there designated — is now the princi-
pal aristocratic and fashionable resort, since the
new road has been made ; but formerly, when the
great thoroughfare lay through Springfield, a httle
inn ycleped " The King's Head," situated in the
centre of that village, was the temple whereunto the
noble and the gentle repaired, as we shall soon
take upon ourselves to set forth.

Besides these, and Simon Beatie, it is true there
are one or two other minor beer-shops in which a man
may ruin himself; but these do not require especial
mention now, though they may be touched upon

VOL. II. c

26 MARRYING-HOUSES.

incidentally as occasion may suggest ; yet friend
Simon at the toll-gate must on no consideration be
slighted ; and, to be candid, we think we cannot
do better than commence with him.

Upon a certain morning during our sojourn, we
idly, but designedly, directed our steps down to-
wards the bridge ; and whether we were thirsty
when we read the sign-board over the door, or whe-
ther we had any other motives for approaching
Simon''s abode, making this one the cloak, or whe-
ther we came for the purpose of collecting historical
and traditionary notes, or whether we had any other
reason whatsoever, but so it was, somehow we en-
tered in and besought the tapster for a stoup of
the best by way of preliminary, Simon Beatie
himself, at that identical moment was seated upon a
stool before a table, on which stood a looking-glass,
a mug of hot water, and a circular pewter box :
his chin, his lips, and his cheeks up to his ears,
were covered with a fine white lather, and in his
right hand he held a brush, which, on our entering,
he was laying down in order to take from a red
case a well stropped razor: — in short, he was just
about to commence the cursed operation of shaving.
Whatever ills the disobedience of Adam and Eve
have entailed upon the softer sex, surely we may say
that the curse of shaving has lighted grievously upon
their masters. This, however, is not the curse of
ancient Adam, but the curse of modern fashion.
Ye gods ! every morning in summer — ay, and even
twice in one day, upon occasion of a very select

MARRYING-HOUSES. 27

evening party, and in winter perhaps a little less
often, (for, an you be a lady, gentle reader, we will
tell you that the beard does not grow so fast in
cold weather as in hot,) imperatively and assuredly
does the task come round, even as regularly as the
sun rises above the horizon. Simon, howbeit, shaved
away in silence, as a martyr endures the rack without
a murmur, when he knows that nothing can ward off
his doom.

He called a deputy to perform the honours of
his house, and, although he ceased not his occu-
pation until it was completed, he was evidently wide
awake as to the possible unrevealed motive for this
visit. He appeared to think that the stranger had
only come to negotiate, or arrange preliminaries —
a thing he always does think whenever a stranger
comes in — and that there was some m'ce girl con-
cealed behind the hedge, or in the nearest cottage,
who in five minutes would be produced, so soon as
such preliminaries might be satisfactorily made out.

He soon started the subject which was near and
dear to him, (because it was one of the most lucrative
in which he dabbled,) and he readily entered fully
and freely into it, wherever he might do so without
revealing too many of the state secrets connected
with the trade.

" So, Simon," we observed, " you carry on two
occupations at the same time ; you collect tribute on
her maje8ty''s highway, and you sell strong waters
under royal licence ? "

" You are right, sir," said he ; " but I should soon

c 2

28 MARRYING-HOUSES.

starve upon those, if I did not carry on a third that
pays better than both the others put together."

" Assuredly, then, that third trade must be an
excellent one.''

" Right again, sir. Do you want to be married ?"

"Want what?"

" To be married. You know you are in Gretna
parish, and that 's the trade I mean."

" Stay, stay ; you are too precipitate."

" I only thought that the young lady who is wait-
ing for you whilst you spoke to me, would be tired."

" Oh ! she is much indebted to you, indeed. But
you really do marry ? "

" No doubt of it ; and I do more business than
any priest in the village. Perhaps you have a wife
already ? "

" Perhaps not."

" Well, that may be ; I canna say for certain.
Once I thought you looked like a married man."

" Once, ay ? and how did I look that once .'' "

" Why, sir, a married man has always got a dif-
ferent sort of look upon him to what another has ; I
canna say exactly what it is, but it 's a something."

" What gay and happy, I suppose ? "

" Oh no, sir, more t' other."

" And pray what is ' more t' other ?' "

*' Why, grave and thoughtful like, sad and broken
down in spirit."

" Ha, ha, ha ! that is admirable."

" Now, sir, you look for all the world like a
bachelor."

MARRYING-HOUSES. 29

" If,, then, I really am a bachelor, as you say I
look when I laugh, methinks you do not give me
much encouragement to change my state."

" You may safely change it here ; Gretna wed-
dings always turn out well."

" Do they, indeed ? Well, that is more cheering."

" If you are married, you have not been married
at Gretna Green, I would venture a bawbee or two."

" True, I have not been married at Gretna Green.
You say that weddings achieved here always turn out
well : now, I think I know one couple, at least, who
came here as fast as four horses could carry them,
who now sometimes scratch each other''s faces."

" Suppose you do, sir, there is no harm in that — "

" Oh ! good morning — "

" Besides, I take it, they went up into the village,
to the Hall, or the King''s Head, instead of coming
to me ; so that, if they do fall out now and then,
why surely it is more their fault than mine."

" Certainly, it is not yours if you had no hand in
the matter."

" You Southrons are too long about these matters ;
you ponder over them too much, and that makes you
hesitate, and hesitation brings mistrust ; and when
people begin to mistrust, it is all up with their happi-
ness. They have no time here to ponder, to hesi-
tate, or to mistrust ; the thing is done as soon as
thought of, and then they have only to set about
making themselves as comfortable as they can."

" ' Marry in haste and repent at leisure,' saith the
proverb."

30 MARRYING-HOUSES.

" I respect proverbs in most cases, because they
are founded upon truth and experience ; but proverbs
are not gospel, although you will find several chapters
of them in the Bible."

" Just so, just so.""

" By my position close to the bridge, you see, sir,
I have the first chance of those who come over : those
who come on foot are my own for certain ; but those
who come in carriages generally make for the Hall,
and drive so furiously I can't stop them. When,
however, I see anything coming over the Moss at a
fair round pace, I go and shut the gate. Whilst I
am pulling back the bolts to let them through, I have
time to find out what they are, and try if I canna
get the job out of the hands of my neighbours. Now,
sir, I tell you that during the first three years I kept
this gate, I married two thousand couple.* What
think you .?"

*' That thou earnest on a slashing trade.""

" Ay, and they have turned out well and happy.
I have done more for the happiness of this world
than any other man under the blue sky."

*' Truly, then, the universe is much beholden unto
you."

** I canna deny it, and I woona try : I married five

* These were the exact words of Simon ; and, notwithstanding
that such authority ought to be considered good, we still doubt
whetlier it is entirely to be depended on ; for, it came out, in
evidence at a trial for bigamy lately at Cockermouth, that the
small number of only thirteen hundred couple had been united
at the toll-gate within the preceding six years.

MARRYING-HOUSES. 31

couple only yesterday morning ; first two couple came
in with their friends, and then the other three.""

These facts are honourably presented unto the
reader even as Simon Beatie delivered them ; and
despite the jealousy which the villagers cherish to-
wards this all-potent rival, many of them afterwards
confessed to the truth of his assertions.

Simon Beatie is a large stalwart man, taller than
many, and fatter than most ; he speaks by short,
rapid, and detached sentences, like one having a
nervous and mercurial temperament ; and further-
more, his speech is a rough comminglement of the
Cuml)erland and Scotch dialects ; facts which, added
together, render it very diflSicult for a southerner to
comprehend him.

We did try by various innuendos, and even by
more decided questions, to elicit from him what the
" damage" might be for being wedded ? but these
questions he civilly combatted and eschewed, mani-
festly thinking, with Shakspere, that " two can keep
counsel putting one away :" so he preferred the policy
of keeping his own counsel in this matter to him-
self, and not sharing it with another. He answered
by crying out against the exorbitant demands of his
fellows in trade, and concluded by saying that, " he
would do it just as well and eifectually as they could
if we would only produce the lady, and he would do
it much cheaper, too."

This " brawny Scot" is discreet and wary as it
should seem, and will not let his tongue cut his
head off, as such unruly members have in aforetime

32 MARRYING-HOUSES.

done for their wearers : nevertheless, notwithstand-
ing Simon was cautious to maintain his secret for
obvious reasons, yet there were plenty of others,
his neighbours, Avho had not the same interest or
inclination for doing so, but who, on being ques-
tioned, divulged all they knew of Simon and his
practices. They said that neither he nor any other
*' priest" in the parish had any fixed charge, nor
was there any settled demand established whether
by law or custom ; that the great aim was by them
all, " to get as much as possible ;*" that when a
stranger made application, he judged by the appear-
ance or manner of the party, and asked accordingly ;
that the ignorance of the party making application,
gave both him and his brothers in office the oppor-
tunity for undue exaction ; that if his demand is pre-
posterous, (as it often is,) he may be beat down ;
but that rather than miss a chance, and allow others
to reap the spoil, he has been known to unite man
and wife in the bands of holy matrimony for the
most particular sum of one shilling !

These facts apply more or less to all the func-
tionaries in the place, it being the object of each and
all to drive bargains as lucrative to themselves as
they possibly can ; and for having enlightened the
reader on these matters, we consider that we are
entitled to some acknowledgment, seeing that if he
now goes to Gretna in haste and precipitancy, he
will not go ignorant of what concerns his interest,
but will be able, through his knowledge, to save
more money in his negotiations than will pay for
this work twenty times over.

GRETNA HALI^. 33

CHAPTER III.

Description of Gretna Hall, the principal Marriage-house.

Some matters touching Gretna Hall,

An inn of goodly fame ;
The chiefest place where ladies call,

Who go to change their name.

We will proceed to describe the edifice wherein
the most notable the Prince of Capua pledged fealty
to his beauteous bride. Dr. Dibdin, when peregrin-
ating through the mazes of his northern tour, tarried
a apace at Gretna, either to change horses or satisfy
his curiosity, as many others have also done ; and
he remarks, that the gossip and his gude wife of the
hostry eagerly ushered him into the room wherein
were united this noble Italian and the fairest fair
one, Miss Smyth, as also Mr. Sheridan and the
amiable Miss Grant. These were nuptials which
have been noted by other writers as being remark-
able for their positive and for their relative circum-
stances.

In the case of one of these weddings, this single
celebration at Gretna was not held sufficient ; but it
was afterwards most indefatigably repeated in other

34 GRETNA HALL,

places, for the purpose of making surety doubly and
trebly sure. Though a marriage here performed is
legally held binding to all intents, and therefore,
though the knot here tied cannot well slip afterwards,
still we have many instances set forth in the archives,
of a repetition of the ceremony under more regular
proceedings. Such repetition may be rather designed
to satisfy conscience, than to satisfy law. Law is
not rendered sleepless at night by the procedure ;
but conscience, especially where the deed has been
done clandestinely or rebelliously by disobedient
children, and feels sufficiently punctured by the sole
act of disobedience, cannot sleep unless the forms
of a more legitimate and approvable and moral and
religious mode of union be gone through. If, how-
ever, it be held necessary to marry again in this
more approvable way, why marry at all in the first
instance at Gretna ? The reason is, that the per-
formance at Gretna secures the tie in a legal sense
irrevocably ; and then, when Pa and Ma find that
the thing is done, and cannot be Mwdone, and when
the sinners themselves come to a like sense of this
truth, they all feel that a great stigma attaches to
so disreputable a practice, and will certainly hang
upon them for ever, unless they devise some mode
of wiping it out. What is to be done ? How can it
be wiped out ? Why, forsooth, they lay their heads
together, and they arrive at the determination that
all parties and all consciences will be satisfied by the
act of going to church, and by repeating the business
according to the rubric.

THE PRINCIPAL MARRIAGE-HOUSE. 35

According to this view of the matter, one celebra-
tion belongs to law, and another belongs to conscience ;
and this refers to those who are of the established
tenets of the land. But it sometimes happens that
two persons come together who either are of dissi-
milar creeds, or else are of one creed, more especi-
ally abounding amongst the opinions of some distant
clime, and not nurtured in Britain.

In such a case they satisfy the statutes of this
realm in order to compass their own ends ; and then
they subsequently yield to the requirements of their
own religious tenets, by repeating the ceremony of
espousal agreeably thereto whensoever a fitting op-
portunity shall be procured.

Wherefore, however strange it may appear at the
first glance, we see that a man may marry several times
in his life without either perpetrating polygamy or
without ever becoming a widower, only by wedding
the same lady repeatedly over and over again.

Gretna Hall, or " the Hall," situated near the
Green, is now the aristocratic and fashionable resort ;
that is to say, since the new road turned regicide,
and cut off" " the King's Head,'"* together with the
village of Springfield, as already explained. It was
erected to its present purpose soon after the time
of the alteration, so as to lie more conveniently on
the great thoroughfare ; for the entrance to Spring-
field from England, where joumeyers, peregrinators,
and elopers used to pass, is circuitous, difficult, and
inconvenient.

We were informed that the territory whereon

36 GRETNA HALL,

stands this famous shrine, pertains to Colonel Max-
well of Galloway ; and that the estates lying round
about the village were the patrimony of- Sir John
Maxwell of Springkale, Baronet in these her Majes-
ty's realms ; but that of late, the undoubted son of
his body has succeeded thereunto, and goes by the
name of Sir Patrick of that ilk.

The building itself is a comely looking establish-
ment, especially when the grounds adjoining to it
are taken into consideration ; and albeit a hostelrie
in genus and reputation, open as it were to all
comers, still it wears the complexion of privacy and
seclusion. Such as may be posting from Carlisle
city into Scotland will get a fair relay of horses
there, and peradventure good entertainment ; but it
appears to be a sort of understood thing, that few
abide long except those who come for " a particular
parpose," and it has most indubitably a greater degree
of sacred retirement pervading it than the roisterous
way-side inns that greet the traveller elsewhere.
Let none approach it with profanity and irreverence,
it being that an ecclesiastical spirit hangs over it.

The figure is well nigh four square ; the centre
facade falls back or recedes about six feet, whilst
two wings project beyond it that much, the one
being on the right hand, and the other on the
left. The door is entered by a flight of steps,
placed in the middle of the said receding fa9ade,
garnished on each side with shrubs: there is a
window on each side of the door, and there are several
squarer and smaller windows for dormitories in the

THE PRINCIPAL MARRIAGE-HOUSE.

37

story above, wherein the weary may take rest. With
regard to the aforesaid projecting wings, they are
externally set off with windows somewhat resembling
the others, except that the upper ones are larger ;
and internally, they contain some rooms passably
well furnished. The out-side of the house is

GRETNA HALL.

white — typical of the purity of its purpose ; whilst
gray bands, by way of adornment, are run round the
margins of the windows, and down the corners, from
the eaves to the earth. The roof, through which
Asmodeus himself would have peered with astonish-
ment, is well overlaid with pure slate ; and last of
all, albeit not least of all, several stacks of chinmeys
rise exhilaratingly over the whole.

Art curious to know wherefore we make particu-
lar mention of the chimneys ? Anticipating that
thou mayest be so, we take upon us to tell thee.

Q P 1 Q *y

O O J O i

38 GRETNA HALL,

Know then, and take for an unerring truth that
wherever you see a house with a good many chim-
neys, the owner thereof has a benevolent heart.
This may seem strange ; but ten words will serve
to explain that it is not so, and that it is nothing
more than the natural consequence of the noble
passion that produced them. For, where there are
many chimneys, there will be many fires ; and where
there are many fires, there will be much comfort;
and where there is much comfort, there is much
good humour ; and where there is much good hu-
mour, accompanied by many blazing faggots, there
will be much good cheer, much good fellowship,
much good entertainment, and much generosity.
Thus it is, that a man's right excellent qualities
may with precision be always estimated by the num-
ber of chimneys that adorn the roof of his house.
We were first made acquainted with this beautiful
fact, by an ancient gentleman who was seated beside
us on the top of a coach, journeying past the man-
sions of certain esquires.

" There ! " cried he in an ecstasy, as we passed a
mansion which certainly was crowned with a most
inordinate number, " There now, I '11 be sworn but
a first-rate fellow lives there. Who does that place
belong to, coachman ? "

*' Squire So-and-so, that keeps the harriers that
made such a capital run last week.""

" Then Squire So-and-so is the best-hearted man
I have heard of for the last month. I would give the
world to shake hands with him.""

THE PRINCIPAL MARRIAGE-HOUSE. 39

This old gentleman was right ; and the chimneys
on Gretna Hall are a source of delight to those
who behold them.

In front of the building there is a grass lawn, green
and pleasing to the eye, garnished in divers places
with trees and evergreens of less size ; and a carriage
drive of 200 yards in length, more or less, leads
from the entrance gate near the Green directly up to
the door. Moreover, an adjoining field has been
taken in and added to the grounds, that nothing
might be wanting; round about the which run some
shady and labyrinthine walks, where lovers may
saunter at will in the cool of the evening ; and many
stately trees growing thereby, spread their nervous
limbs abroad over head, whereon any who have too
hastily done a rash act, may go and hang themselves
up at pleasure. In fine, the place is altogether
tastefully laid out, with care both for joyous pas-
time and pleasant recreation.

John Linton, keeper and purveyor thereof and
therein, is not a fool in his way, any more than
Simon Beatie : even like our friend at the toll-gate, he
is also " wide awake," as the moderns phrase it.

His prey consists mostly of the tritous, whilst
Simon, his fellow fisher at the bridge, is content to
throw his net generally over the minnows. Now,
Simon the angler, by his position, has greatly the ad-
vantage over John the angler in the question of num-
bers ; but we opine that John at the Hall has the
advantage over Simon at the gate, in the matter
of profit — for one triton is ofttimes worth more

40 GRETNA HALL,

than a score of small fry. They do not catch
Princes of Capua every day ; but when, by a happy
chance, they do get such a triton into their meshes,
be sure that they make the most of him.

It should seem, also, that John Linton never sleeps ;
and that too, for the reason above given, videlicet^ he
is always, " wide awake ;" he knows that his custo-
mers may suddenly come at any unexpected or un-
looked-for hour like thieves in the night, and catch
him unprepared ; wherefore, like a careful virgin as
he is, he always keeps his lamps ready trimmed,
replenished with oil, and lighted, in order that he
may welcome the coming of the bridegroom when-
soever it shall happen.

Nevertheless, John Linton has a son, and this son is
indoctrinated to be, " wide awake,'' also, for vigi-
lance at Gretna is the chiefest of the cardinal virtues ;
and if the father has occasion to go to his farm, or to
look after his merchandise, he charges his son with
vehement words to light his lamp and abide within
doors instead.

This is a right excellent arrangement ; and the
necessity of it will be fully confessed when it is
recollected, that where several merchants living in the
same vicinage, carrying on the same line of business,
and consequently often clashing in rivalry, self-interest,
and competition, nothing short of the greatest care on
the parts of Linton and Co., can secure customers
to the Hall, albeit to the prejudice of every other
congenerous and connatural establishment. But every
one at Gretna looks to the making of his own for-

THE PRINCIPAL MARRIAGE-HOUSE. 41

tune rather than to playing into the hands of his
neighbours — an unamiable and almost selfish proce-
dure, at the same time, a procedure not wholly
unknown in other places besides this, when men,
trading in the same line, happen to cross each others'
paths.

Vigilance and activity are the body and soul of
business. It is vigilance that looks for and discovers
mines of treasure ; and it is activity, following upon
this discovery so made, that brings the hitherto hid-
den treasure to light, and secures it to those who
practise these two twin qualities.

John Linton and son are not destitute of these vir-
tues. They are incessantly on the look out for mines
of treasure in the shape of rich and soft bridegrooms ;
and when they have found any of the sort posting
through Carlisle, their agents there located lose no
time in conducting them where it shall seem best
for securing an assiduous working of the said mines in
the shapes of rich bridegrooms.

A man is never so generous in his life as at the
time of his change of estate ; and where the feeling of
blacksmiths, or whomsoever it may be, is left to his
generosity, he is indeed a mine of precious metals
that renders up his riches but too easily to the
labours of these pseudo-clerical searchers into the
bowels of his earth. He feels so happy at his tri-
umph and success, in having at last surmounted every
obstacle that had hitherto denied his possession of
that sweet one, dressed in white and adorned with
orange blossoms, who now stands beside him, that his

42 GRETNA HALL,

heart is opened most freely, widely, unreservedly;
and when a man's heart is open, you may do what
you like with his purse. Of a truth that same is
open also.

Some centuries ago, our ancestors framed a sta-
tute, which was enacted to restrain and set bounds
to the incontrollable generousness of new-made hus-
bands. It actually lays down how much the deli-
rious man shall give away on this overpowering oc-
casion ; a precaution which the legislature had found
necessary, because many noblemen and gentlemen
of fair possessions, had, in the excess of their softness,
absolutely bestowed away all of this worWs goods
that had pertained unto them, and by so doing had
well nigh brought ruin on themselves and their kin-
dred.

It has been generally supposed that a man''s evil
principles only require checking or regulating, and that
his virtuous ones may be allowed to run freely to their
extremest extent ; but these facts teach us to know,
that even his best qualities, must sometimes be curbed,
lest they run past the bounds of discretion — supposing
it were possible to be too discreet.

When one friend has overwhelmed another with
civilities, we may hear the obliged one exclaim, in the
excess of his gratitude, — " My dear fellow, you really
are too good.' And if it be possible to be too good,
why, surely it may be possible to be too discreet, or
too generous ; and where a man is too generous, and
was unsparingly giving away his whole fortune, the
law stepped in to restrain him.

THE PRINCIPAL MARRIAGE- HOUSE. 43

Pity it is that the law does not put a limit to the
generosity of bridegrooms at Gretna — that is, when
the bridegrooms are feeing the landsharks who com-
bine to fleece them there.

We have said that John Linton, like a careful
virgin, always kept his lamp ready trimmed ; and that
if any accident called him away to his farm or his
merchandise, he never failed, at his departing, to
charge his son with vehement words to light his lamp,
and abide withindoors at his post. By this it will
be seen how little it matters the hour of the day, or
the hour of the night ; let the truant, or the run-
away, the eloper or the fugitive, arrive at the Hall
before sun-down or after, day, night, late, early,
either John Linton in actual self is there ready to
greet him, or else the flesh of his flesh, the bone of his
bone, the child of his body, is present to do the same.

Such is the arrangement and constitution of this
place. Who shall say otherwise than that these
facts, carefully collected on the spot in the spirit of
philanthropy, for the instruction and edification of
all mankind, but more especially for the young ladies
to whom these pages are submissively offered, are
supremely worthy of record in this important and
veritable history ? Yet, oh dread lady-patronesses !
we beseech ye to understand aright the true read-
ing of these facts, and not to be readily enamoured
with the narrative of deeds which are too inconsi-
derately done at Gretna — deeds which, to say the
best of them, are assuredly wrong and very indiscreet.
They are not exhibited to your view that you

44 GRETNA HALL.

should be prepossessed in their favour ; but that the
contemplation of evil ways, and the sight of the hideous
form of sin, may rather make ye eschew iniquity
than follow it. We will not now foolishly set about
to persuade you not to fall in love, or if you do, not
to give way to it ; because your fascinations, your
winning virtues, and your charms, have too dearly
taught us and convinced us, that love is a power
which no determination on our part can banish from
our natures, — a power that will not be reasoned
with, that will not be argued down, and will not
be persuaded away. But coolly and honestly, we
think that Gretna Green should be the last place
thought of in a hopeless case — that those who " marry
in haste " too often " repent at leisure j" according to
our admirable motto on the title page, — that hang-
ing by the neck, or walking over head into a pond,
or looking into the muzzle of a loaded pistol with
dire intent, may each be a fate no worse than what
ye may bring upon yourselves by rushing unadvisedly
into matrimony — and, in fine, that if it can in any
possible way be so contrived, it is more comely, more
decent, more sacred, and more respectable to be
married before the altar beneath a groined roof with
friends and neighbours around you, than in a coun-
try tavern by an innkeeper, or behind the hedge by a
weaver or a toll-gate keeper. What think ye .''

LORD ERSKINE'S MARRIAGE. 45

CHAPTER IV.

Lord Erskine's Marriage at Gretna.

Here read some scandal, but, I wis,

Too bad to talk about ;
And yet, in such a work as this.

The truth must all come out.

To contemplate fallen greatness is very painful,
and strongly conducive to lamentable tears — as ask
those who wept over the ruins of Troy, of Carthage,
of Tadmor, of Babylon ; and the salt fountains that
gush forth from the sternest eyes, are beauteous to
behold, because they tell of a sympathising heart,
evidently situated in the right place.

Those peregrinators who enter into the village of
Springfield, in the parish of Gretna, in the county
of Dumfries, in that part of Great Britain denominat-
ed Scotland, would do well to draw their hand-
kerchiefs from their pockets, and give free vent
to their feelings when they contemplate that especial
hostelrie ycleped " The King's Head." Here, in
good sooth, they will survey fallen greatness ; — and,
to survey fallen greatness, is a most overpowering
thing, as we have just said.

The feeling, though a complicated one, that then
occupies the bosom, is mainly composed of that pas-

46 LORD erskine's marriage

sion which we call regret ; — that is, that notwith-
standing divers afflicting sensations combine to rack
the mind, still the particular one called regret predo-
minates far over the rest.

He who journeys forth into the parched and
barren waste, and looks upon the overturned columns
or mutilated sculptures of Thebes, experiences a
strange depression of spirit pass like a blight upon him :
he comes eagerly up to the spot full of curiosity, de-
light, and elation, full of self-gratulation and pleased
satisfaction, that he now stands over the city of his
long cherished desires, and full of that species of
pride known to most travellers, which they taste of,
after having reached in safety the end of some ardu-
ous, dangerous, or difficult undertaking, such as that
of crossing an enemy's country, or a dreary desert,
abounding in wild beasts, and equally wild straw-
berries. All these thrills of prospective joy belong to
that which we term anticipation ; and anticipation
is a bright picture, coloured from the glowing palette
of the imagination, and representing a scene to come,
or rather not to come ; for sweet anticipation
generally terminates in disappointment. Thus, when
he looks upon the city, elate with anticipation, it
is not long ere this blight descends like a chilling
vapour upon the beauteous painting which he had
before drawn ; and then, the sight of desolation
spreading itself on every side, the decaying temples,
the broken statues, the effaced inscriptions, the cor-
roded chiselings bereft of their pristine sharpness,
the rank weeds springing out of the tesselated marble

AT GRETNA. 47

floors — all these circumstances together, speedily call
up that multiplicity of sorrowful feeUngs, the chiefest
amongst which, as we said, is that same regret.

Locke defines this to be, an uneasiness of the
mind upon the consideration of some good or
advantage lost — in this instance, the prosperity of a
great city or fine edifice — which might have been
enjoyed longer — as if the city or building had stood
in pristine glory, — or the sense of present evil : —
that is, the sense of present desolation where once
there existed pomp, beauty, riches, happiness, or a
thriving population — all now lost.

The King 's Head Inn stands in the midst of the
village of Springfield, and mine host is ycleped Alex-
ander Beattie, as the sign, blazoned forth over the
door in glaring heraldic achievement, will advertise
the traveller. Simon Beatie at the toUgate spells his
name with one t only ; whereas Alexander of the
King's Head employs two ; and albeit those did
without question originally both come from the same
clan, and both here disclaim fellowship in trade, nei-
ther the one nor the other have considered it necessary
to append to his advertisement these especial words
— " no connexion with persons of the same name."

This hostelrie is a glorious ruin ; we say ruin
because, forsooth, since the alteration of the road the
tide of passengers and the channel of business have
been turned aside into another course, and hence
the prosperity of former days has dwindled away to
a lamentable extent. It is not much now as a
building, nor is the Colosseum at Rome, being much out

48

LORD ERSKINE's

of good repair ; it is not what it is, but what it has been :
— it is " interesting from association."" Rare deeds
will hallow a paltry hut ; and no place so mean but
great exploits will consecrate.

In external appearance the edifice is ordinary and
humble ; — no lawn or parterre in front ; no flowers
and sweet-smelling shrubs ; no long carriage drive
from the lodge up to the steps, for it stands flush
with the street ; no grounds ; no sentimental walks ;
no trees to hang on. It forms the coin or angle
of two streets ; it is entered from the principal one

THE KINGS HEAD.

by a door in the centre of the facade ; there is a
sash window on each side of the door, whilst three
similar windows appear in the story above, ranged
equidistant ; the roof is of slate, but the heart sinks
when the eye surveys it, for with tears be it record-
ed, the said roof is but sparingly adorned with chim-
neys. Hence, in passing through Springfield, no
pictures of profuse hospitality arise in the imagi-

AT GRETNA. 49

nation of the peregrinator ; no visions of good cheer,
or pleasant fellowship, and no bright ideas of rich
entertainment gladden his spirit.

The splendour of the interior has faded, and
passed away in an equal degree. On the left
hand at entering, there is a kitchen, on the right-
hand a parlour (wherein rare deeds have been done,
as we will reveal anon) ; over the kitchen is an
apartment that has suffered the general decay, and
over the parlour an apartment that formerly was the
principal sitting-room, at that time well garnished
with comely furniture, but now desolate, and almost
empty. Sic transit gloria — Capitis Regis in agro
Gretnaniensis.

Visitors to this shrine have somewhat liberally
amused themselves with writing, by means of cer-
tain diamond rings, their names or those of their
friends, mottoes, apophthegms, and amatory verses.
On one of the panes of the window in the apart-
ment over the kitchen appears the name and title
of a noble baron of these realms, now no more ;
and the same is seen also in the parlour, or room
on the right of the entrance. By the non-confor-
mity of style in these two reputed autographs, it is
fair to conclude that they were not both traced by
the same hand ; the villagers, howbeit, contemplate
them with infinite satisfaction, particularly the one
down stairs, for there exist some misgivings as to
the authenticity of the other. We took fac-similes of
both on the spot : the apocryphal one stands thus : —

VOL. II. D

60 LORD ERSKINE's MARRIAGE

etcL (^fylmL

It was in the parlour below that the august rite^
betwixt this nobleman and Mistress Buck were per-
formed, as the loquacious hostess narrated to us ; and
it was on the glass of this room that he amused him-
self with writing his name, after the ceremony was
over, ad rei memoriam^ with the title duly prefixed.
Every one in the parish declares this last to be
genuine beyond doubt, and no argument to the con-
trary would ever shake the stability of their faith
therein. The following is the second fac-simile, as
ecce signum : —

W(^y^

Now, we are particularly modest in thrusting
forward our opinion uninvited, or our judgment
unasked ; nevertheless at this present, and under
correction, we do impertinently hint to the forgiv-
ing reader, that we have no very implicit belief
in the genuineness of either of these signatures. • It
is not at all likely that the noble baron would have
amused himself after the execution, by scratching
these words on the window under any view of the
affair ; and even conceding the fact that he really

AT GRETNA. 51

might have done so, the existence of the prefix,
" Lord," is enough in itself, to go no further, to sug-
gest its spuriousness. We did warily venture to ex-
press thus much to mine hostess at the time, even
as we stood surveying the window ; but mine hostess
at first laughed at our simplicity, and then, when we
persisted in our simplicity, she changed her modu-
lation, and became angered at our scepticism, where-
fore we were enforced to desist, seeing that she was
determined to combat all our doubts, and to have
the last word — as what woman will not ?

The other windows of the house, also, are profusely
written upon ; some panes exhibiting mere names,
others apt mottoes, and yet others again stanzas of
verse, (we do not say poetry,) expressive of the most
impassioned sentiments ; here a line ardent with glo-
rious anticipation, and there a couplet full of triumph
and actual possession. The following is a quatrain
copied from the window over the parlour on the
right-hand side of the entrance : —

" Transporting hope to clasp the charming Miss
In her fair arms, to what unequalled bliss ;
What joys I tasted, when, from Gretna's shrine,
I drew the maid, and swore she should be mine. — A. H."

After reading this, oh ! blush crimson shame thou
spirit of Calliope, and all other spirits that have
glowed with the fire of poetry. This is what Jona-
than would call "real complete," nevertheless, it is
not above all criticism. The first line evidently is
a burst of anticipation, replete with the fulness of a

certain success. The words, " In her fair arms," at

D 2

52 LORD erskine's marriage

the beginning of the second Hne, are rather obscure,
in so far that a lover does not clasp a lady in her
arms, but clasps her in his own ; and the remainder of
this line appears to have been pressed into service
more for the sake of the rhyme than for the sake
of the sense. It is certain, howbeit, that rhyme is
a terrible plague in writing verse ; it fetters many
a fine idea, and sorely cramps the- imagination ; and
the best poets in all ages are agreed that rhyme is
the perfection of poetry, and that the sense does not
half so much matter, if the rhyme is pretty good.
The last two lines bespeak triumph ; he has won his
lady — she is his — the deed is done — his difficulties,
his anxieties, and his troubles are over. There is
much more sense here ; and, best of all, the rhymes
are unexceptionable.

The above may be adduced as a pretty fair speci-
men of the verse that adorns and enriches The King's
Head hostelrie ; other out-pourings, equally fierce,
albeit in cold prose, meet the eye in every direc-
tion ; nor is it a despicable recreation either, to look
them over in pleasantry, and to laugh out at each.

Wonderful is the power of love ! It makes more
poets than anything else in this 'varsal world, and
everything else in the universe, either individually
or collectively, all together. It is not only the most
sweet of all themes of him who writes throughout
his life, but it is generally the first prompter to him
who had never written before. Love and poetry are
twins. They were conceived together, they were

AT GRETNA. 53

born together, and, what is more, they have not been
separated since their birth, but, hke Juno's swans, go
coupled and inseparable. The man who is in love,
and the maiden too, are for the time poetic ; they
burn with the poetic fire ; they have only to express
it in suitable and polished language. It is but a
gifted few that are poetic on all subjects ; but the
most apathetic, the most dull, barbarous, heavy, or
insensible, can be aroused into the perception of the
beautiful, and into the consciousness of a refinement
of sentiment high above the topics of everyday life,
when the celestial and softening spirit of that same
love has insinuated itself between the rugged folds
of a heart, however sinewy. But you shall have this
assertion in another form : —

I.

He who's in love, is, for the time, a poet :

Mark well that line — 'tis far from being wTong :

I ween there needs small argument to shew it,

For what is poetry, and what is love ?

They both are full of passions fierce and strong.

They both are heavenly gifts come from above ;

Love is an art which Cupid taught to Psyche,

And poetry, they say, is Ttxvri ynfirynxj).

II.
Now is this what it is to be poetic : —

It is to be all tenderness within you,
Or else to be all sad and all pathetic,
And then to be all ardour and desire.

To breathe in lightning, have a soul all sinew,
Like steam in boilers — ^powder touched by fire ;
It is all deadly love and lively passion.
And then to feel all humbless and compassion.

54 LORD erskine's marriage

III.
And love is much like this, ye will agree ; —

It is to be all meekness, ardour, feeling,
All charity, good- will, and goodly gree,
Benevolence and soft perceptibility ;

It is to trade in every gentle dealing,
And have a lieart all sweet susceptibility,
To have a tender soul and tender mind,
To wish, in fact, all good to all mankind.

Thomas Erskine, Baron Erskine of Restormel, in
the county of Cornwall, in England, was born into
this wicked world in the year 1750. He was a short
time in the navy at his first entrance into busy life ;
but having little interest therein, and (consequently)
not much chance of promotion, he quitted it for the
army ; in this profession, howbeit, he strove against
equal difficulties and lack of good patronage, where-
fore, at the instigation of his mother, a lady of strong
mind and mature judgment, he left it after a few
years' service, in order to turn his thoughts to other
things.

He fixed on the study of the law, a field wherein
his mind ranged more readily, and found a pursuit
more congenial with the nature and temperament of
his disposition. He worked his way rapidly, he
strode on honourably, and in due course he became
eminent.

At the age of twenty, videlicet, in 1770, he wedded
the amiable and accomplished Miss Moore ; he be-
came a widower in 1805, she being the mother of
several children his offspring.

After that he led a bustling and active life, astonish-
ing the world by his triumphs of genius and his bril-

AT GRETNA. 55

liancy of talent. An acute man, a first-rate lawyer,
an ingenious arguer, a specious reasoner, and an orator
that claimed the willing attention of his hearers, he
at last rose to the exalted and honourable oiSice of
Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain.

Alas and well-way ! there is no stability in human
nature, no reliance, no confidence, no trust. Oh
what a fall was here ! — honour, respect, high place,
dignity — all, all, came rushing down to the dust.

If it be the historians's greatest delight to record
mighty and noble achievements, so, also, it must be
his greatest afiliction to tell of weaknesses and acts
unwise, that the heroes of his pages may have perpe-
trated ; yet he who takes pen in hand for the plea-
sure to be derived by discoursing on virtue, inflicts
on his impartiality the necessity of submitting to
the pain of writing on the errors of our nature.

Married his housekeeper — ye powers ! — but hush !
— ^hold your tongue.

The manner of it was this, to wit, — hush, hush ! —
cannot it be evaded ? Evaded .-' how ? Shall the
just and impartial chronicler record what he likes,
and omit all that he chooses to omit ? There is no
help. Besides, it is most certain that the account
of the famous parish, the subject of these memoirs,
would in no wise be perfect if we were to connive
at the duty of our profession in this case, and more
especially that part of this parish ycleped Spring-
field, and of Springfield the King's Head, and of the
King's Head, the parlour down stairs, where the exe-
cution took place.

56 LORD erskine's marriage

The manner of it was this — but stay —

Henry Brougham, Baron Brougham and Vaux, of
Brougham in the county of Westmoreland, who is
a great stickler pro rege, lege, et grege, has indited
these sequent words of him : —

" That his private character was exempt from fail-
ings, can in no wise be affirmed ;"" but the little blem-
ishes in his private character, as Lord Kenyon used
to say of this great man, were only as " spots in the
sun/' And these " spots " did not appear until lat-
terly. " It must with sorrow be added," proceeds my
Lord Brougham, " that, as the lustre of the luminary
became more dim, the spots did not contract in their
dimensions. The usual course on such occasions, is
to say, Taceamus de his ; but History neither asserts
her greatest privilege, [and particularly the history
of Gretna Green,] nor discharges her higher duties,
when, dazzled by brilliant genius, or astonished by
splendid triumphs, or even softened by amiable quali-
ties, she abstains from marking those defects which
so often degrade the most sterling worth, and which
the talents and the affections that they accompany
may sometimes seduce men to imitate.""

Now, the manner of it was this. They got into
the carriage, together with their children, in order to
journey to Springfield ; — hush ! do hold your tongue.

The universjiUy besetting sin in human nature —
most sought after, most relished, and most dearly
loved — is the fondness for gossip and scandal ; not,
peradventure, for the sake of saying evil things of our
neighbours, or for the sake of listening to charges

AT GRETNA. 57

against their reputation, for we sometimes talk what is
termed scandal of our good friends without ceasing to
love them, but for the sake of a lively topic of con-
versation amongst those whose temperaments are not
grave enough for abstruse subjects, for the sake of ex-
ercising that inherent quality called curiosity, whether
it be in one sex or whether it be in the other, and for
the sake of imparting to our fellow gossips the know-
ledge we possess of other folks' affairs. These motives
are instigators strong enough in themselves, to say
nothing of others perhaps not so harmless, which,
on the other hand, might be adduced. It is difficult
to say, with precision, where news of our friends,
strictly so understood, or " kind inquiries " about
them, given and received end, and where scandal
begins. It is just and fair to inquire how our friends
speed in the world, as manifesting sympathy and in-
terest concerning them ; but it is the abuse of that
sympathy and interest, the prying unnecessarily fur-
ther than concerns us, that then degenerates into
" tittle-tattle." Who ever took a tSte-d-tete drive
round the park, but such light gossip was the chief
amusement .'' or, who ever met half a dozen intimates
at a snug tea party, (tea is a dreadful promoter
of scandal,) but it was the reigning pastime all the
evening ? In such cases, it may be only a sym-
pathetic talking of our absent acquaintances; but
the transition from that to actual tittle-tattle is easy
and pleasant to most people, not only of the female
sex, (as some have maliciously said,) but of the male
sex also.

D 5

58 LORD erskine's marriage

We have made these observations on this dear
passion, half thinking that the reader might suppose
we were going to give way to it ourselves ; but we
must intreat him or her to recollect that the histo-
rian is not a scandal-monger, although he shall dis-
course of events which befel, not in the remote ages
of antiquity, but even in days near unto those in
which we live. The only difference between history
and written scandal appears to be this : — that the
former treats of achievements which befel in times
long passed away, whereas the latter touches on
events which have happened almost within our own
observation.

Well ! the manner of it was this, to wit — they
both got into the carriage, accompanied by their
children, in order to journey* to Springfield; and that
they might the more surely escape observation, we
are told by such rare chronicles as have made espe-
cial note of this matter, and eke by such eotempo-
raries as are now living and remember it, the noble
baron laid aside his honours, and became a plain man
by assuming an alias — even that of " Mr. Thomas,"
and that name, indeed, was returned to those who
inquired whose carriage stopped the way.

Mr. Thomas passed unknown for a space ; but
deception will endure only for a season, and the
truth will eventually prevail. So it was here ; Mr.
Thomas's doublet was soon peered through, and the
Lord Erskine was perceived withinside.

It even got about, through the horribly libellous ex-
ertions of the gossips of the day, that he travelled in

AT GRETNA. 59

woman's attire, for the purpose of preserring a more
certain incog. But this, most just reader, prithee do
not believe, because it is not true, as we have dis-
covered by searching into the stores of rare archives :
it arose only out of a mistake or rather a misappre-
hension of appearances. Pleasant is the office of the
peace-maker ; so also, is the office of him that corrects
and clears up a calumny. We pray you to abjure
all credence in this assertion ; to eschew harbouring
it in any wise ; and to abhor the mention of it,
and the sinner who first set it abroach. Such a
scandalous report arose after this fashion, — namely, as
my Lord journeyed in the vehicle, together with
Mistress Sarah Buck, the lady of his especial election,
and the two little pledges of his dearest affection ;
he did, in fatherly love, and that he might beguile the
way, and amuse these, the said little pledges, faceti-
ously put upon his own head the bonnet of the herein-
before-mentioned Mistress Sarah Buck. Now this is
the historical relation of the fact, the clearing up
the mystery, and the expungement of all slur and
detraction. Wherefore, it is grievous to reflect on
the natural depravity of humau nature, that it should,
out of a domestic and amiable incident, concoct a tale
of defamation and hurtful slander. The children
laughed and were pleased ; and mamma was pleased
too, and patted their little heads with her " awfuj-
paws ; '^ ay, and papa was pleased as well — so
they were all pleased, and, consequently, happy for
the time, and, consequently, content with their lot ;
and contentment with one's lot is gratitude to God

60 LORD ERSKINE'S MARRIAGE

who assigned that lot to us ; and as ingratitude is
the worst of sins, so gratitude, the contrary, becometh
a positive virtue. And yet this innocent and happy
party did not, even at that moment, escape calumny.
But what says William Shakspere, comedian of
Stratford-super- A von, in the county of Warwick .''

Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow,
Thou shalt not escape calumny."

Alas ! then, for those who are not like either one
or the other.

They sped on tlieir journey at a fair pace, and for
the reasons, somewhere before given, they are sup-
posed not to have seen one bit of Solway Moss.
Arrived at Springfield by the old road — for neither
the present new one nor Gretna Hall were in exist-
ence — they repaired to the King's Head hostel, and
in that hostel, to the parlour or sitting-room on the
right-hand of the door at entering. Here they soon
achieved the first half of our motto on the title page,
they " married in haste : " and let us add also, if it
were for no other reason than to shew how infallible
this motto is, they shortly afterwards " repented at
leisure," but with that we have nothing to do.

This execution was not unattended with certain
strange circumstances, as were authentically related
to us in the house by Dame Beattie.

" Here good sir," said she, going into the middle of
the room ; " here it was that my Lord stood, together
with Miss Buck ; here it was he pledged his allegi-
ance, and gave up his heart and his hand ; here it was

AT GRETNA. 61

he swore to love and to cherish and so forth ; and
here it was he threw his cloak over his little ones that
he had brought with him.

" He wore an ample travelling cloak when he
alighted down at the door," continued she ; " and he
did not take it off when he came into the house.
It was gathered round his neck by a collar ; and
by flowing in long folds down to the ground, it served
well to cover his whole person. Under this he took
his children during the ceremony, in order, as I
was told, that they should become his heirs."

" Surely then, he did this bostelrie much honour by
the visit."

" Surely you are right, good sir, and the fame
hereof has, in consequence, been much beholden unto
him."

" Doubtless— doubtless."

" But, oh ! sir, only think of it^-out upon your sex
say I."

" Only think of what ? Out upon us, and
wherefore ?""

" Alas ! the inconstancy of man, the shallowness
of his judgment, the instability of his resolution, and
the insecurity of his love."

" Indeed ! you don't mean all that, I am sure."

" Indeed, sir, but I do though."

" And what then ? I knew all that before. I
thought you had discovered something new."

" I trow not ; for many a man ere now has sworn
one way to day, and gone another to-morrow."

" Very bad — very bad."

62 LORD erskine's marriage

*' And what is plighted faith, or promises pledged,
or oaths pronounced if they abide not ?*"

" Some poet says, (and poets always say true,)
that oaths are but words, and words but breath ;
now, words are only heard for the moment, and
leave no trace of the thing they were ; and breath
is but as the idle zephyr of heaven, which bloweth
where it listeth, and which no eye can discern, and
no art can render stable for a moment."

" And such be the oaths and promises of men."

" How so ? How so ? Even allowing. Mistress
Beattie, that poets always speak true, I will not say
that I always believe them ; and albeit promises be
made up, as they say, of breath only, and so on,
yet would I have a man not utter an airy and an
invisible promise, or an intangible oath, unless he has
stability of purpose such as will keep him well up
to it ever after. True, words be but breath ; but
words are the issued coinage of the inward soul, and
if that soul thinketh one thing and speaketh an-
other, that soul becometh a liar."

** Now that is what I like. But he who makes a
promise to-day, fully meaning to keep to it, yet
afterwards falls away, either through fickleness of
temper or natural inconstancy, or innate proneness to
change, — that man is not a premeditated liar, but
rather a weak and frail creature in whom there is
no dependance."

" Most eloquently spoken : yet what are you
driving at, for verily I am lost ? You say that man
is inconstant — fickle, without stability, reliance, or

AT GRETNA. 63

dependance ; not, however, a premeditated liar — only
a weak creature ; a liar because he does not keep
his promise, yet a liar through omission and weak-
ness, and not depravity ; — mighty fine, and doubtless
passing true, but what then ? "

"Why, Sir, you see that my Lord came here of his
own free will, through his own yearning and desire,
and of liis pleasure wedded the lady of his elec-
tion."

" Very good, and many others have done the
same."

" Just so ; and very good thus far. But will you
believe what came after ? ^

" I don't know."

" Why, he tried to get a divorce."

" A what ? "

" A divorce."

Of a truth, friend reader, this was a good moral
for those who marry in haste. At these words we
were, as some tender poet saith, " struck all of a
heap." It was enough to ruin the fair fabric of
romance which the imagination of Gretna marriages
is so ready to build up; and enough to make a
man pucker himself like a snail into his shell, when
he meets with anj^hing that greatly offends him.

'* T tell you what it is. Mistress Beattie ; I will
incontinently sit down and write a book about Gretna
Green : and mark me, I will have a rare motto on
the title-page."

" No doubt, Sir, many good things besides on the
title-page, might be put into it."

64 LORD erskine's marriage.

" Plenty of gossip, plenty of tittle-tattle, plenty
of scandal."

" This is what the world loves, no matter where
or how."

" The first half of the motto shall contain the
fact ; the second shall set forth the moral.""

POVERTY IN THE MARRIED STATE. 65

CHAPTER V.

Poverty in relation to the married state. — Lord Hardwicke's
Marriage Act, which put an end to Fleet Marriages, and gave
birth to those of Gretna. — Disquisition on Gretna Marriages.

An apophthegm by Coleridge writ,

Which is not bad, of course :
Lord Hardwicke's character for wit,

And other fit discourse.

" Shew me one couple," said S. T. Coleridge,
" unhappy on account of their limited circumstances,
and I will shew you ten who are wretched from
other causes."

Riches and poverty are relative circumstances
depending on an infinitude of surrounding contingen-
cies. One man is rich on a thousand a year, whilst
another is poor (or fancies himself so) on ten thou-
sand. It depends on the natural disposition of the
individual, his covetousness, his insatiable desire for
more wealth than he possesses, and consequently his
belief that he must be poor, since his idea of what
it is to be rich is far above the state of his actual
revenues or his ambition, which always looks up-
wards, and so, by comparison, makes him appear
low. The idea a man has of his really being poor,
also depends on his position in society — a position
wliich perhaps makes his expenses, in order that he

66 POVERTY IN RELATION TO

may keep up a standard shew of splendour, greater
than his income, although that income may appear
liberal. He who moves in the first circles of society,
cannot do so M'ithout spending as much, or appearing
to spend as much as those acquaintances at whose
houses he visits ; at least, if he does not spend as
much, or does not appear to spend as much, he is
looked upon as a poor man by them, and by himself
too. If he has ten thousand a year, some people will
be disposed to pronounce him a wealthy man ; but if
he finds that he cannot maintain his rank in society
without certain outgoings to the amount of fifteen
or twenty thousand, in fact, he is in reality a poor
man. But if, with his ten thousand a year, his
necessary expenses, in order to make a sufficient
shew of comfort amongst his neighbours, need not
exceed five thousand, or half his income, why the same
man in that case, not only by those neighbours but
by himself as well, is looked upon as decidedly rich.

To the end, then, that every person should feel rich
they ought to mix only with comparatively poor
friends, since the comparison will tend to that effect ;
but there is that foolish vanity in human nature,
which impels every one to aim at rising above his
circumstances, to associate himself with richer peo-
ple than he is, because then he thinks, that by iden-
tifying himself with such rich persons, the world will
think him equally rich also. This course is merely a
course of vanity, pride, and discontent ; and in order
to pander to these vile passions, and to maintain a
respectability to which they are not entitled, they

THE MARRIED STATE. 67

will submit to privations at home in secret, they will
run into debt, swindle or cheat their tradespeople,
and often leave their children penniless when they die.

If people would only learn to be content with
what they have, to banish this criminal ambition from
their minds, and to be pleased to seek their associates
amongst those whose fortunes are nearly on a par
with their own, they would appear fully as respectable
in the eyes of the world, they would be just as much
beloved by those about them, and they would be
a great deal happier in their own consciences.

The ambition which prompts us to rise by the
activity of our talents, and by the industrious exercise
of our natural powers, is an honourable ambition,
highly praiseworthy, beautiful for our friends to
look upon, jmd satisfactory for our own minds to
contemplate. It is the ambition of pride, accompa-
nied with idleness and envy wliich we condemn.

The poverty which is the most wounding, is, where
people of rank and education, who, by their birth and
former position, are entitled to move in a certain ele-
vated circle, but who, through some untoward event
have been deprived of the wealth which they once
possessed, and who are consequently now enforced,
with much inconvenience to themselves, to keep up
former appearances as much as they can, that they
may not relinquish powerful connexions which may
still do them benefit ; or else they are obhged to
the painful humiliation of descending from that circle
which is their right, and of putting up with that
which is inferior and uncongenial.

68 POVERTY IN RELATION TO

Those who ruin themselves by their ostentation or
extravagance, and bring such a reverse on their own
heads thereby, only meet with their proper deserts,
and scarcely deserve pity ; but it is where the change
has been brought about by the villany of others, or
even by misfortunes unforeseen and non-resistible, —
where the persons brought down are totally incapable
of assisting themselves by business in the great world,
through reason of their former secluded, luxurious,
or refined education ; here, in such a case as this, the
deprivation becomes one of peculiar pain to the suf-
ferer, and one deserving of sympathy from all others.

But Coleridge says, that for one instance of do-
mestic unhappiness from limited circumstances, he
could produce ten of wretchedness from other causes.

It cannot be doubted that poverty in the married
state is a great sourer of the temper. The not being
able to satisfy our wants, is a fact that will naturally
enough excite the feeling of discontent within us,
although, at the same time, we know that we are
but aggravating the catalogue of our former sins by
allowing such a wickedness to come over us. And
when we become peevish by being unable to satisfy
these wants, hoping that they be just ones, though
they are not always so, nothing happens more readily
than the venting of our ill-humour upon those persons
who are nearest to us, and these persons are too
often the different members of our household.

Where, however, the gods have united in the bands
of holy matrimony two dispositions that accord well
with each other, that agree with each other, that

THE MARRIED STATE. 69

possess a similarity of taste, or a similar turn of
thinking, and that find pleasure in each other's so-
ciety, the pinchings of want, or the pinchings of
everything else, never can breed that domestic misery
which otherwise is so likely to arise.

In the society of those we love, and who love us,
we find alleviation to every vexation from without ;
and it is only where people are not well matched,
that the peevishness created by vexations from with-
out are vented upon each other in the shape of hasty
observations and short answers.

We are of opinion that the happiness of the mar-
ried state depends more in the fact of having the
tempers well matched, than in the possession of any
and all other advantages besides, not excepting rank
or riches. It Is even true, that a decidedly bad
temper, if only united to another that suits it, will
produce harmony ; and it is also true, that a sweet
disposition, if mated with one with which it does not
accord, will produce misery, whilst the event would
have been very different had it only found one which
happened to chime in with its peculiar nature. Even
two bad tempers coming together, will live in har-
mony, if their propensities, turns of thought, likes
and dislikes, chance to conform themselves to each
other ; whilst two abstractedly good ones, mild,
gentle, lively, will be at everlasting jars, when it so
befalls that they are not so matched.

This consentaneity is independent of riches or po-
verty, or anything besides, and will bring happiness
when nothing else can.

70 POVERTY IN RELATION TO

Gentle reader, do you agree with us ?

But, from generalities, we will go to Gretna Green,
and discourse of particularities.

Albeit marriages have been celebrated in this
parish, and other parts of Scotland, after the mode
here set forth, for an immense long space of time,
yet the English have resorted thither more or less
at different periods for convenience, as the constric-
tions of the laws of their country rendered agreeable :
at one period, when the law of England was lenient,
and gave facilities, they stood in no need of the
usage of a foreign territory ; at another, when a
new statute threw impediments in their way, they
eschewed them, and fled over the Border. In the
Commons' House of these realms, on the 17th day
of March in the year 1835, Dr. Lushington spoke
as follows on the subject in hand, to wit : — " By the
ancient law of this country (England) as to marri-
ages," said he, " a marriage was good, if celebrated
in the presence of two witnesses, though without
the intervention of a priest. But then came the
decision of the Council of Trent, rendering the
solemnization by a priest necessary. At the Re-
formation, we refused to accept the provision of the
Council of Trent ; and, in consequence, the question
was reduced to this state — that a marriage by civil
contract was valid ; but there was this extraordinary
anomaly in the law, that the practice of some of our
civil courts required, in certain instances, and for
some purposes, that the marriage should be cele-
brated in a particular form. It turned out, that a

THE MARRIED STATE. 71

marriage by civil contract was valid for some pur-
poses, while for others, such as the descent of the
real property to the heirs of the marriage, it was
invalid. Thus, a man in the presence of witnesses,
accepting a woman for his wife, per verba de prasenti,
the marriage was valid, as I have said, for some
purposes ; but for others, to make it valid, it was
necessary that it should be celebrated in facte ecclesite.
This was the state of the law till the passing of the
Marriage Act in 1754."

Now this Act of 1754 certainly had the effect
of abolishing irregular and clandestine connexions;
but, as it compelled all persons, of whatever deno-
mination, with the exception of Jews and Quakers,
to conform to the ritual of the Church of England,
it laid an onerous constraint on those who dissented
from that said church in opinion, a restraint which
was only remedied by the law passed during the
session of parliament in 1836. It was the old and
natural feeling amongst the people, that the presence
of a man in holy orders added a greater measure
of sanctity to the ceremony, and tended to render
the union more sacred and indissoluble ; and this
belief was the cause that set abroach the first framing
of the new law.

The motives of this enactment were thoroughly
moral and excellent ; but like many other theories
which are concocted in the snug study, it did not
work out of doors practically exactly as its origi-
nators in-doors had intended. This is the case with
many a beautiful theory, many a fine mechanical in-

72 LORD hardwicke's

vention, and many a scientifically constructed ma-
chine. Mathematical theorems, logical inductions,
and sapient dogmata, are admirable to argue upon,
and truly valuable as data for the purpose of working
out obscure problems ; but unless these problems, ap-
parently so perfect to look at, can be proved of prac-
tical utility when applied to men and things, in con-
tradistinction to their being only speculations of the
mind, they will never fulfil the praiseworthy objects
of their framers.

Lord Hardwicke was, perhaps, the greatest magis-
trate that this country ever had, — says the Earl of
Chesterfield of him.

He presided in the court of chancery above twenty
years, and in all that time none of his decrees were
reversed. This, most assuredly, is an irrefutable
proof of the acuteness of his perception of conse-
quences, of his rare discernment, and of his solidity
of judgment, especially when we are further told that
their perfect justice was never questioned.

Though avarice, further observes the Earl, was his
ruling passion, he never was suspected of any kind
of corruption ; an unusual and meritorious instance
of virtue and self-denial, under the influence of such
a craving, insatiable, and increasing passion.

He had great and clear parts ; understood, loved,
and cultivated the Belles Letires. He was an agree-
able, eloquent speaker in Parliament, but not with-
out some little tincture of the pleader.

Men are apt to mistake, or at least, to seem to
mistake, their own talents, in hopes perhaps, of mis-

MARRIAGE ACT. 73

leading others to allow them that which they are
conscious they do not possess. Thus Lord Hard-
wicke valued himself more upon being a great minis-
ter of state, which he certainly was not, than upon
being a great magistrate, which he certainly was.

And it is a strange thing that men should, in this
perverse manner, run away from the talents which
nature has given them for their adornment, which
they indeed would be, if they were only estimated
according to their value, and cultivated and brought
forth as they might and ought to be, in order to run
after the talents which belong to other men, which
again, in other men, are also held lightly of, that
they themselves may peradventure essay to discover
to the world the endowments which pertain to their
neighbours. In this imgrateful manner, we most of
us go on despising that with which we ourselves are
gifted, just that we may satisfy a craving after that
which is not our own. It is a most foolish and short-
sighted policy too, if we only look into it ; for it is
certain that we are much more likely to excel in
those paths of learning or genius for which nature ait
our birth destined us, than we ever can in those for
which we have no innate ability ; and therefore it is
plain, that if we attempt to display the works for
which we have no talent, and neglect those for which
we have, we are going the very way to publish our
weakness, rather than our strength.

Thus, he who is not bom a poet, if he persists in
writing metre, betrays his inability ; and he who is
not born with the pathetic soul of harmony, if he

VOL. II. K

74 LORD hardwicke's

tries to perform a piece of sentiment and feeling,
immediately betrays his inability likewise ; whereas,
had these two short-sighted geniuses reversed their
attempts, and cultivated the real benefactions which
Providence had conferred on them, they would pro-
bably both have risen to a high degree of celebrity

Lord Hardwicke's notions were all clear, though
none of them were absolutely great ; but this very
clearness ensured the success of his naeasures, after
they had been planned by him.

Good order and domestic details were his proper
department ; for he had not naturally a bold, am-
bitious, or stirring temperament. The great and
shining parts of government, though not above his
acuteness to conceive, were above his timidity to un-
dertake ; and notwithstanding that he was a man of
business for a long series of years, still, all this pjiblic
training could not alter the original turn of his mind.
A more ambitious spirit would possibly have made
himself more conspicuous for the time, before the eyes
of his country, but would scarcely have achieved
greater good in the end.

By great and lucrative employments during the
course of nearly one-third of a century, and by still
greater parsimony, he acquired an immense fortune,
and established his numerous family in advantageous
posts and profitable alliances.

Though he had been solicitor and attorney-general,
he was by no means what is called a prerogative
lawyer. He loved the constitution, and maintained
the just prerogative of the crown, but without stretch-
ing it to the oppression of the people.

MARRIAGE ACT. 75

He was mild and humane in his disposition, rather
seeking to mitigate the doom of offenders, when he
held their sentences in his own hands, than trying
to turn the whole wrath of a jury, or the iron rigidity
of the law, upon them ; so that when, by his former
employments, he was obliged to prosecute state crimi-
nals, he discharged that duty in a very different man-
ner from that of most of his predecessors, who were
too justly called " the blood-hounds of the crown."

In his conversation he was communicative and in-
structive, because he was open, free; and unreserved ;
in his manner he was pleasant and cheerful, because
he was not a man of disappointments, as most of the
inordinately ambitious are ; he was averse to great
and noisy manifestations of display, such as some
public characters do not shrink from, because he was
retiring, quiet, and even timid on some occasions;
and, with the exception of avarice, which, however,
in no wise extended to a discreditable verge, he was
free from the tainture of any reprehensible vice.

This was Lord Chancellor Hardwicke ; a noble-
man who, though he never could become a great
minister, as he mistakenly essayed to become, never-
theless shone forth as one of the most astute magis-
trates that Britain ever produced.

Perceiving the anomalies in the old marriage law
of England, and the moral evils attendant thereon,
he turned his thoughts to the framing of something
that might obviate these things, and bring a higher
idea of sanctity on this institution so lightly held in
estimation. As mentioned by Dr. Lushington, the

E 2

76 FLEET MARRIAGES.

validity of the compact did not insist on the co-
operation of a clergyman ; but, we have before ob-
served, the ancient and rooted feeling of the people
was, that the agency of a priest in holy orders added
a more perfect measure of sanctity to the ceremony,
and tended to render the union, especially amongst
those who are much wrought upon by externals,
more sacred and indissoluble ; and this belief was the
cause of the Fleet marriages, and other clandestine
marriages in London, of which a recent writer has
given the following account :

" Among the singular customs of our forefathers, one of the
most remarkable was matrimony, solemnized, we were going to say,
but the fittest word would be ' performed,' by parsons in the
Fleet prison. These clerical functionaries were disreputable and
dissolute men, mostly prisoners for debt, who, to the great injury
of public morals, dared to insult the dignity of their holy profes-
sion, by marrying in the precincts of the Fleet prison, and at
a minute's notice, any persons who might present themselves for
that purpose. No questions were asked ; no stipulations made,
except as to the amount of the fee for the service, or the quantity
of liquor to be swallowed on the occasion. It not unfrcquently
happened, indeed, that the clergyman, the clerk, the bridegroom,
and the bride, were drunk at the very time the ceremony was per-
formed. These disgraceful members of the sacred calling had
their * plyers,' or ' barkers,' who, if they caught sight of a man
and woman walking together along the streets of the neighbour-
liood, pestered them as the Jew clothesmen in tlie present day
tease the passers-by in Holywell-Street, with solicitations, not
easily to be shaken off, as to whether they wanted a clergyman
to marry them.

" One of the most notorious of these scandalous officials was
a man of the name of George Keith, a Scotch minister, who,
being in desperate circumstances, set up a marriage-office in May-
Fair, and subsequently in the Fleet, and carried on the same
trade which has since been practised at Gretna Green. This

FLEET MARRIAGES. 77

man's wedding-business was so extensive and so scandalous, that
the Bishop of London foiind it necessary to excommunicate him.
It has been said of tliis person and ' his journeyman' that one
morning, during the Whitsun holidays, they united a greater
immber of couples than had been married at any ten churches
within the bilk of mortality. Keith lived till he was eighty-nine
7cars of age, and died in 1735. The Rev. Dr. Gaynham, an-
other infamous functionary, was familiarly called the Bishop of
HeU.

" Many of the early Fleet weddings," observes Mr. Bum, who
has recently published a curious work on the matrimonial registers
of these parsons, " were really performed at the chapel of the
Fleet ; but as the practice extended, it was found more convenient
to have other places, within the rules of the Fleet, (added to
which, the Warden was compelled by act of parliament not to
suifer fhem,) and, thereupon, many of the Fleet parsons and
tavern-keepers in the neighbourhood, fitted up a room in their
respective lodgings or houses as a chapel ! The parsons took the
fees, allowing a portion to the plyers, &c. ; and the tavern-keepers,
besides sharing in the fees, derived a profit from the sale of
liquors which the wedding-party drank. In some instances the
tavern-keepers kept a parson on the establishment, at a weekly
salary of twenty shillings ! Most of the taverns near the Fleet
kept their own registers, in which (as well as in their own books)
the parsons entered the weddings." Some of these scandalous
members of the highest of all professions were in the habit of
hanging signs out of their windows with the words * Weddings

PERFORMED CHEAP HERE.'

" Keith, of whom we have already spoken, seems to have been
a barefaced profligate ; but there is something exceedingly affect-
ing in the stings of conscience and forlorn compunction of one
Walter Wyatt, a Fleet parson, in one of whose pocket-books, of
1716, are the following secret (as he intended them to be) out-
pourings of remorse : —

" ' Give to every man his due, and learn y* way of truth.'
" ' This advice cannot be taken by those that are concerned in
y* Fleet marriages ; not so much as y^ Priest can do y* thing y' it
is just and right there, unless he designs to starve. For by lying,
bullying, and swearing, to extort money from the silly and unwary
people, you advance your business and gets y* pelf, which ahvay.«
wastes like enow in sun shiney day.'

78 FLEET MARRIAGES.

" ' The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The
marrying in the Fleet is the beginning of eternal woe.'

" ' If a clerk or plyer tells a lye, you must vouch it to be as
true as y* Gospel, and if disputed, you must affirm with an oath
to ye truth of a downright damnable falsehood. — Virtus laudatur
& alget^'*

*' ' May God forgive me what is past, and give me grace t»
forsake such a wicked place, where truth and virtue can't take
place unless you are resolved to starve.'

" But alas, for the weakness of human nature ! This very
man, whose sense of his own disgrace was so deep, and apparently
so contrite, was one of the most notorious, active, and money-
making of all the Fleet parsons. His practice was chiefly in
taverns, and he has been known to earn nearly sixty pounds in
less than a month.

" With such facilities for marriage, and with such unprincipled
ministers, it may easily be imagined that iniquitous schemes of
all sorts were perpetrated under the name of Fleet weddings.
The parsons were ready, for a bribe, to make false entries in their
registers, to ante-date weddings, to give fictitious certificates, and
to marry persons who would declare only the initials of their
names. Thus, if a spinster or widow in debt desired to cheat her
creditors by pretending to have been married before the debt was
contracted, she had only to present herself at one of the marriage-
houses in the Fleet, and upon payment of a small additional fee
to the clergyman, a man could instantly be found on the spot to
act as bridegroom for a few shillings, and the worthless chaplain
could find a blank place in his Register for any year desired, so
that there was no difficulty in making tiie necessary record.
They would also, for a consideration, obliterate any given entry;

* " * On Saturday last a Fleet parson was convicted before Sir
Ric. Brocas of forty-three oaths, (on the information of a plyer for
weddings there,) for which a warrant was granted to levy 41. 6s.
on the goods of tlie said parson ; but, upon application to his
Worship, he was pleased to remit Is. per oath ; upon which the
plyer swore he would swear no more against any man upon the
tike occasion, finding he could get nothing by it.' " — Grub Street
Journal, Julif 20, 1732.

FLEET MARRIAGES. 79

The sham bridegrooms, mider different names, were married over
and over again, with the full knowledge of the clerical practiti-
oners. If, in other instances, a libertine desired to possess him-
self of any young and unsuspecting woman, who would not yield
without being married, nothing was easier than to get the service
performed at the Fleet without even the specification of names,
so that the poor girl might with impunity be shaken off at plea-
sure. Or, if a parent found it necessary to legitimatize his natu-
ral children, a Fleet parson could be procured to give a marriage-
certificate at any required date. In fact, all manner of people
presented themselves for marriage at the unlioly dens in the Fleet
taverns, — ^runaway sons and daughters of peers, — Irish adven-
turers and foolish rich widows, — clodhoppers and ladies from
St. Giles's, — footmen and decayed beauties, soldiers and servant-
girls, — boys in their teens and old women of seventy, — discarded
mistresses, 'given away' by their former admirers to pitiable
and sordid bridegrooms, — night wanderers and intoxicated appren-
tices,— men and women having already wives and husbands, —
young heiresses conveyed thither by force, and compelled, in ter-
roretn, to be brides, — and common labourers, and female paupers,
dragged by parish-officers to the profane altar, stained by the
relics of drunken orgies, and reeking with the fumes of liquor and
tobacco ! Nay, it sometimes happened that the • contracting
parties, would send from houses of vile repute for a Fleet parson,
who could readily be found to attend even in such places, and
under such circumstances, and there unite the couple in matri-
mony !

" Similar transactions were carried on at the Chapel in May
Fair, the Mint in the Borough, the Savoy, and other places about
London, until the public scandal became so great, especially in
consequence of the marriage at the Fleet of the Hon. Henry Fox
wth Georgiana Caroline, eldest daughter of the Duke of Rich-
mond, that at length, — not, however, without mucli and zealous
opposition, — a Marriage Bill was passed, enacting that any person
solemnizing matrimony in any other than a church or public
chapel, without banns or licence, should, on conviction, be ad-
judged guilty qfjelony, and be transported for fourteen years, and
that all such marriages should be void. This act was to take effect
from the 25th of March, 1754."

80 DISQUISITION ON

Although Gretna Green was famous long before
this period, as hereinbefore mentioned, yet the rigi-
dity of this law did much toward driving people thi-
ther to evade its strictures. Gretna is much be-
holden unto my Lord Hardwicke ; and although the
act of 1836 aimed a fearful shaft northward, by the
facilities it introduced into England, still the fame
of Gretna is so well established, and there is so sweet
a prejudice in its favour, that most romantic run-
aways (for they are always romantic) would rather
fly over the border and pay handsomely for it, than lis-
ten to the persuasion of an English magistrate, although
he should promise to do the business as cheap as
the barber promises to shave his customers — that is,
for nothing, and a glass of drink into the bargain.

In the year 1771 Pennant passed through the
parish, when on his Scotch tour ; and he observes
of it then : — " It is the resort of all amorous couples,
whose union the prudence of parents or guardians
prohibits." This was seventeen years after Lord
Hardwicke''8 Act of 1754, and the place seems to
have been in the full bloom of its celebrity.

Dr. Dibdin, when engaged in his " Northern Tour,"
also passed this way ; and his remarks are worthy
transcription here, both as illustrative of a true His-
tory of Gretna Green, (as this certainly is,) and as
purveying palatable dainties for the reader'^s fancy.
As he journeyed along the road which has been
already described for the benefit of all lovers that
have travelled that way and have never seen, for
reasons given, to wit, that their eyes are always di-

GRETNA MARRIAGES. 81

rected in the carriage instead of out, but which both
ourselves and Dr. Dibdin really did see, he speaketh
of the driver's exultation as they neared the border,
videlicet^ — " ' Yon,' said the postboy, * yon is Gretna
Green.' We heard it without any extravagant emo-
tion ; and, although January and May may be often
seen hastening thither in the same conveyance, with
countenances not quite so composed as were our own,
yet a father and a daughter would necessarily ap-
proach that far-famed spot, or rather mansion, im-
pelled by curiosity alone, to hear of unions which
are at once a disgrace to our laws and a scandal upon
the moral character of both countries.""

With much indignation he continues : — " The
spot is the smuggler's cave, where no officer dare
enter to seize the purloined property ; it is the too
frequent receptacle of passion without principle, and
of cajolery without one spark of common sympathy."
The honest indignation of Dr. Dibdin is not over-
wrought, notwithstanding it may appear somewhat
vehement.

When young persons are urged thitherward by
the uncontrollableness of an intense, generous, dis-
interested affection, some excuses may be pleaded
for the step, although, of course, it cannot be strictly
justified ; but where it is made a convenience of, for
the sake of sordid gain, without a spark of affection
in the case, or where it is done through passion with-
out principle, or cajolery without sympathy, or for
selfish reasons in defiance of all moral rectitude, then,
indeed, the act becomes one of inexcusable turpitude.

s 5

82 DISQUISITION ON

According to the ancient law, it was merely neces-
sary that two persons who intended matrimony should
mention their determination before two others, who
acted as witnesses, and this simple form constituted
a binding marriage. Thus it was, that the ease with
which candidates for the holy estate could formerly
compass their desire in England, rendered it not
requisite that they should repair to Scotland or else-
where.

But, we are told that this laical mode of pro-
cedure at last attracted the consideration of the
clergy, as being too profane a way of celebrating
an act of union which had been planned in Heaven
and first instituted in Paradise. The Church, there-
fore, enjoined, that from thenceforward the interven-
tion of one of their ordained body should be in no
wise dispensed with, seeing that it would tend to the
glory of God, and the good of their own souls.

We do not say that this change was brought about
through the desire of the Church to usurp into its
own hands a greater share of power over the people
at large than it had previously possessed ; but this
decision, so strongly pronounced, and so positively en-
forced by the ecclesiastical powers of the time, cer-
tainly engrossed a far greater measure of domination
over the laity, than before it could consistently lay
claim to. The priesthood had established to its
members the privilege of passing whithersoever they
might choose, without demanding permission, and
without taking denial ; but it was now the duty of
the people — a duty imposed with the most irresistible

GRETNA MARRIAGES. 83

authority — not to dare entering upon any new con-
nexion in life without first obtaining the Church's
approval and a priesfs assistance.

As, at the Reformation, we abjured all allegiance
to the Pontiff of Rome, we cast from us this law,
along with a thousand others at one throw, and then
it happened that the marriage ceremony merely be-
came what is understood by a civil contract. But
the notion that something of a holy, exalted, and
religious nature pertained inseparably to this com-
pact, was always so deeply enrooted in the minds
of the English, that unless the active concurrence
of some ofiicial could be procured, the consciences
of the newly wedded pair could not rest assured that
the blessing of Heaven was upon them.

Dr. Dibdin, after having visited Gretna, and having
had an opportunity of seeing the real truth with his
own eyes, and not resting upon the vague, popular, or
false reports of others, expresses himself very warmly
on the reprehensibleness of the system. To this he
was led by his high sense of right and his detestation
of ^vTong ; and, in speaking of the chief establishment
in the place, he exclaims : —

*' It furnishes the knave with a cloak," as when
a crafty villain shall hasten thither bent on making
some connexion of base self-interest, covered with the
hypocritical vesture of a sincere and ardent lover—
" and the assassin with a dagger,*" as he indeed is an
assassin who hardens the confidence of his innocent
prey, *' which may not be wrested from him till the
death of his victim or himself.'''

84 DISQUISITION ON

Certes, there is a great deal of veracity in this ;
and we never will attempt to palliate the iniquity of
many who repair to that village for such motives.
In the next sentence he gives the lie direct to
William Shakspere.

" Of all species of daggers," says he, " speaking
daggers are the most terrible."

We mean no disparagement to the worthy doctor ;
at the same time, we must say, that we would rather
he had not quoted Shakspere, merely for the sake of
contradicting him. Surely it is a dereliction of allegi-
ance to the prince of writers, to whom all subsequent
scribblers owe fealty, and whose subjects they become
the moment they put pen to paper, to deny his words
point-blank in so positive a manner.

" Speak daggers, but use none," says the literary
monarch ; and yet here is a citizen of the republic
who tells us not to speak daggers, because speaking
daggers are more terrible or deadly than any other
daggers whatever ; and if he counsels us not to use
speaking daggers, he infers that if we employ any, we
shall do less evil by at once seizing upon coldsteel.

Of course he does not advise us to use metal
weapons — he was too moral and amiable a man for
that ; but he only assures us that a slanderous,
sarcastic, and abusive tongue, can cut a deeper gash
than ever a blade of well- whetted steel can do.

" Every day may receive a wound from its point,"
he continues ; and we conclude that he refers to the
possible recriminations that may be bandied backward
and forward between man and wife, as soon as they

GRETNA MARRIAGES. 85

shall discover that they did a foolish thing by running
blindly to Gretna ; and especially at such time when
they begin to repent of the step. Then they will be
awakened to the truth of our excellent motto ; — then
they will see that those who " marry in haste " have
afterwards to " repent at leisure ; " — and then they
will cease never to cut and thrust at each other
with poignant speeches.

" Every day may receive a wound from its point,
and every day induce the wish, or the prayer, that
such wound may prove mortal ; but years succeed to
years of bitter taunt and inhuman reproach.

" Here, perad venture, is the fountain head, the
Marah, of the bitterest waters that flow.'"

In sober truth, these passages ought to be enough
to terrify any elopers from running over the bor-
der ; the vivid picture of retribution which they so
ardently essay to depict, might serve to recall lovers,
labouring imder the delirium of passion, to sense, to
reflection, and to the determination of abandoning an
enterprise so hazardous.

" Behold this far-famed mansion," he observes,
when turning to the marrying hostelrie of which we
have heretofore spoken, " which, at least, has nothing
in its exterior (except the chimneys) that can be
called seductive. Its attractiveness is, questionless,
from within.

*' No particular curiosity seemed to be excited, as,
on turning a little out of our way to the right, we
alighted at the door. The waiter''s movements were
measured and sedate. The ' cunning man ' had had

86 DISQUISITION ON

no intimation of our arrival. No messenger, mounted
on quadruped, breathless from the swiftness of his
pace, and dust and pebbles whirled around him, had
preceded^ to announce the almost instant arrival of the
principal figurantes in the hymeneal scene. Nothing
necessarily, of this kind, could precede our approach."

From these latter observations we learn, that it was
then the usual custom with those who were hastening
northward to perpetrate matrimony here, to despatch
a precursor to Gretna Green, in order that he should
have everything in readiness by the time the " prin-
cipal figurantes " arrived ; an arrangement designed
to lose no time, and to secure the tying of the knot
before any hostile parties could overtake them and
stop the proceedings.

They manage these things better now : and from
what we have already said in reference to the vigilance,
activity, wide-awakeness, and preparedness of Linton
and Co., the reader will understand, that to such a
pitch of systematic readiness have they ordered things,
that no precursor is necessary to hurry forward for
the sake of making them trim and light their lamps.

We have shewn, that either John Linton in actual
self, or else the true son of his body, always stands
with his lamp full of oil and well replenished, ready
for the coming of the bridegroom, at any hour what-
soever, whether of the day or of the night ; and that
such bridegroom could at any time get married in five
minutes after his arrival, even although he had not
sent any forerunner to prepare the blacksmith or other
official for his coming.

GRETNA MARRIAGES. 87

In the days of which we speak, however, matters
had not attained to that nicely-arranged pitch of
clockwork to which they have latterly been brought ;
so that, if it be that messengers were at all needed
in Dr. Dibdin's day, they are scarcely requisite now.

** As we had no business to transact," he remarks
very significantly, " the man quickly left us to our-
selves, and to our own unassisted meditations ; not,
however, without telling us to enter the apartment in
which the nuptials of the Prince of Capua with Miss
Smyth, and of Mr, Sheridan with Miss Grant, had
been solemnized. The room had a very common-
place aspect in paper and decoration. There should
have been a print of Wilkie's Penny Wedding, instead
of Tam O'Shanter ; and another of Two Tigers fight-
ing ! the latter, methluks, in many instances too meta-
phorically true."

We cannot agree that the Penny Wedding of Sir
David would in any way give the visitor a correct idea
of the economy or otherwise that attends those who
marry at Gretna. It is the notion of hundreds who
never went within a railroad day^s jonmey of the
parish, that it is the cheapest possible place for lovers
to repair to ; and even those who have actually been
in the house itself, have departed away with a greater
thought of economy than is usually discovered to be
the real truth by those who make the experiment :
but when we come to treat of the expenses of marry-
ing at Gretna Green — a topic so important as to
demand a whole chapter to itself — we shall duly en-
lighten the astonished reader here anent.

88 WAKEFIELD AND

CHAPTER VI.

Gretna Marriages — Wakefield and Miss Turner.

Now, reader, keep your temper, pray,

For here come chafing deeds :
Such deeds are not writ every day

For every one who reads.

Had not the facts — most extraordinary, most as-
tounding— which we are now about to enter upon,
been brought before the public in the newspapers at
the time of their occurrence, we should have hesitated
to mention them here. As the case is, we reveal no
secrets ; we only repeat what has been before told.
The matter might have been allowed to die a natural
death ; but how could we, as the professed historian
of Gretna Green, omit noticing one of the most re-
markable transactions that have ever taken place with-
in its confines, whether in ancient or in modern times .'*
The historian who is true to his name, has no choice ;
he must take up each event chronologically as it
happened, and must know no partiality towards any
individual or any party.

Had we been writing an epic, which we take to
be a fiction in its details, we might have connived at,
or glossed over, or omitted, painful facts, and in their

MISS TURNER. 89

places have substituted the flights of an unfettered
imagination, as it is, we are supposed to have no
imagination ; but are in duty bound to plod onward in
a direct line, whether our labours conduct us through
savage wildernesses of vice, or through smiling gar-
dens of virtue.

It was about an hour or so after high noon, on the
8th of March, in the year 1 826, when a green car-
riage and four ran over the bridge that spans the
Sark, through the turnpike-gate, after the manner of
" a greased flash of lightning,"" too quick for Simon
Beatie to stop, — and tearing up the hill " like mad,"
as Fanny Kemble says, made direct for the Hall.
Here the postilions thrust their feet forward and
threw their heads back, the consequence was, the
curbs were pulled tight, and the horses stood still.
Off they bounced, and ran to the carriage door. John
Linton, landlord of the said hostelrie, came to the
entrance to welcome the travellers to his house.
They alighted and went in, but the room was small
and cheerless.

" Frances, girl, go you up stairs and light a fire in
the drawing-room directly," said John Linton.

But we are especially curious to know who came
in the carriage — what are their names, and where —

Don't be in a hurry. The priest will be with them
in a minute ; in fact, he had been sent for as soon as
they arrived. They waited about twenty minutes or
half an hour, and then, sure enough, " the parson, or
whatever you call him ""' — " The blacksmith you
mean," as Mr. Sergeant Cross exclaimed in court

90 WAKEFIELD AND

during the subsequent trial — to wit, David Laing,
came to wed them in propria persona. He looked as
clerical as may be ; and the timid ones felt a sort of
sinking within them, as nervous people do upon such
particular occasions. There were two gentlemen and
a young — a very young lady ; the bridegroom seem-
ed old enough to be her father. But where is the
prayer-book ? Oh ! never mind that ; we shall do
just as well without it here. Now, when they were
all collected together — not under a groined roof be-
fore the altar — but in the room of a country inn, with
tavern-keepers, postboys, and pedlars, all together in
company, David Laing, the so-called blacksmith,
(who never was a blacksmith,) asked them if they
were willing to become man and wife. And before
the witnesses there in presence, they answered they
were willing.

And then they took a ring for the lady's finger — a
wedding-ring. Now, it was David who put it on,
" the parson, or what you call him." But the ring
is too large by a mile — it is too large for her finger ;
what is to be done ? Oh ! it will do till we get to
Calais, we will buy a smaller one there. The fact is,
there was no opportunity for taking a fit before hand,
such were the circumstances of the case ; it was quite
a guess. It goes on very well, but the lady must
take care and not lose it.

A piece of paper like a placard was then produced,
at the head of which stood the royal arms of the
united kingdom ; and underneath were certain words
printed, the lines of which were broken and inter-

MISS TURNER. 91

rupted here and there by divers white spaces therein
left unprinted. Now, in order to the thorough con-
summation of the ceremony, it was expedient that
these spaces should be filled up with the several
names of the parties joined together in (holy !) matri-
mony, and with the names of the witnesses.

" There is nothing more than to fill up these
spaces," said Laing ; " there — -just so. Now sir, you
will put your name in the right hand corner ; and,
ma'am, you will put yours under it — so. The wit-
nesses will put theirs in the other corner. It is the
custom to join hands and salute. " Now,*" cried
David Laing, parson, merchant, day-labourer, pedlar,
or what you will, " Now I declare you to be man
and wife, * and so on,' before these witnesses." And
the said David wished them well, and shook hands
with them.

The signatures were Edward Gibbon Wakefield —
Ellen Turner— Ellen Wakefield !

Then Mr. Wakefield asked of his priest what sort
of wine John Linton might have in his cellar, and
this presupposed by innuendo that he had before that
time had a dip therein ; moreover, this presupposition
seemeth not to have been preposterous, because
David answered that " there were three or four
different sorts of wine, with the best of shumpiney
The bridegroom inquired which he would take ; " I
said shumpine,'" answered David, "and we had a
bottle of shumpine."" *

• See Idling's evidence as reported in the account of the trial
published by John Murray.

92 WAKEFIELD AND

Dinner was then announced, so David Laing with-
drew down stairs for half an hour or so, when he
returned and finished the champagne, of which he
was especially enamoured. Then came the day of
reckoning — the moment of retribution. The follow-
ing is a scattered extract from the published trial.

David Laing sworn. Examined by Mr. Parke.

Mr. Laingj I believe you reside at Springfield? — Yes, I do.
Near Gretna Hall ? — Yes.

Do you recollect being sent for to marry a couple on the
8th of March last ? — I do. (The trial being in March the year
after.)

Did you go to Mr. Linton's house, at Gretna Hall ? — I did.
Who did you find there ? — I found two gentlemen, as it may be,
and a lady — one lady.

# * * # #
What did the gentleman want you to do ? — He wanted me to

do what I have done to many a one before. — Was that to marry
him ? — To join them together — to join hands, and so on.

* * # * *

Did you give a certificate of the marriage ? — I gave the lady a
certificate.

Did you get it filled up ? — Yes.

Is that your •wnt\ng'\^-{handing the certificate to the witness.) —
That is my handwriting, sir.

Is that the signature of the gentleman and lady at the bottom ?
—Yes.

• * * # ♦

Did you marry them in the usual form in Scotland ? — In the
Scotch form.

Was there a ring produced ? — There was, sir.
Was it put on the lady's finger ? — It was.
By whom — ^by the gentleman ? — By myself.

# # # ♦ ♦

Did you ask the lady for anytliing?— I told the lady that I
generally had a present from them, as it may be, of such a thing
as money, to buy a pair of gloves.

MISS TURNER. 98

Well, did you get any from her? — I did, sir ; she gave it me
with her own hand ; but where the lady got it from I cannot say
for that, you know.

What was it you got ? — A 20s. Bank of England note.

# ♦ * ♦ ♦

Cross-examined by Mr. Brougham.

You got some money as well as champagne for this job, did
you not ? — I did.

How much ?— Perhaps ;£20 or £30.

Perhaps £40 1 — May be ; I cannot say to a few pounds.

♦ ♦ # * *
David Laino again called, and examined by Mr. Parke.

Mr. Laing, you say the marriage was in the ordinary form —
the marriage ceremony was performed in the ordinary form ? —
Yes, the old form of Scotland.

How was that done — was a prayer-book produced ? — No, there
was not.

Mr. Brougham. Don't tell him what he is to say.

It was done in the old ordinary form of the church of Scotland,
was it ? — Yes.

Cross-examined by Mr. Brougham.

What do you mean by the ordinary form of the church of Scot-
land, when it had nothing to do with the church ? — That is the
way it has been done for centuries.

It would occupy too many pages of this veritable
history, if we were to make copious extracts, or to
enter much into details ; wherefore, somewhat against
our disposition at this present, we are enforced,
through the suggestions of this reflection, to desist
from quoting any more just now.

94 WAKEFIELD AND

CHAPTER VII.

Gretna Marriages. — Wakefield and Miss Turner.

Now, if your choler grew full liot,

By reading chapter last,
We earnestly entreat you not

To let it rise so fast.

As most of the persons principally engaged in this
conspiracy are still living, it is not without some
hesitation that we enter upon an historical narrative
of it, considering that their feelings might receive
fresh wounds by the fact of bringing it before our
readers in these pages. This is well so far : but in
justification we plead, that by printing these things
here we are not violating any secrecy, as most
of the circumstances of the transaction appeared
in all the public journals of the day, pretty freely
commented on too, and the detailed minutes of the
trial at Lancaster, in March 1827, were issued from
Mr. Murray's press in the form of an octavo volume.

Mr. Turner, the father of the young lady, was a
gentleman of fortune residing at Shrigley Park, his
estate, near Macclesfield, in the county of Chester.
Ellen, his daughter and only child, was at school,

MISS TURNER. 96

under the instruction and care of the Misses Daulhy
at Liverpool, where she had been during the space of
several years. Her schoolmistresses were personages
of talent, good acquirements, and trust ; Miss Turner
herself was an amiable,, sensible, and agreeable girl ;
approved of by her teachers, and loved by her youth-
ful companions.

A plot was hatched for the purpose of marrying
this young heiress. One of the contrivers was a lady,
wife of Mr. Edward Wakefield, the father of Edward
Gibbon ; but on this occasion she took her maiden
name. Miss Davies.

In the autumn of 1825 she, the said Miss Davies so
called, went over to Paris with her father Dr. Davies,
(in which city, during a previous visit, she had been
married,) and she now, for the first time, became
acquainted with Gibbon Wakefield, her step-son, and
his younger brother William, the principal actors on
the arena which we are about to spread before you.
Although they were veritable Englishmen, they chose
to make the French capital their chief residence ; and
there, either for their edification or their pleasure, Or
their fancy, they had established a little coterie, or
society, — together with some few selected acquaint-
ances.

" This conspiracy," said Mr. Sergeant Cross, in his
opening address at Lancaster Castle, " was hatched in
this little coterie at Paris ; there it was that the
thing was first propounded. I don''t mean to say
that at Paris they had conceived the foul design of
carrying off the young lady by force, or committing

96 WAKEFIELD AND

all the frauds that they have practised since, but there
the plot was first hatched. In the course of a Httle
while Dr. Davies and his daughter (still called Miss
Davies), returned home to Macclesfield. And then
Miss Davies began her operations at Shrigley, where
Mr. Turner resides. Mr. Turner had resided there,
I understand, for about eight years. The first thing
that Miss Davies did, was to call upon a lady in the
neighbourhood, who was a common acquaintance of
both, — both of herself and of the family of the
Turners ; and she was particularly urgent to have an
introduction to the family at Shrigley. She proposed
to this lady, that the first time she made a visit there,
she might have the pleasure of accompanying her in
her carriage. The lady assented to this, and the
visit was made at Shrigley. When the ladies got
there, they saw Mrs. Turner, the mother of the
young lady. Miss Davies made many inquiries about
Miss Turner, whom, I believe, she had never seen,
and of whom she knew nothing, except that she was
an heiress to a large fortune. She said she should
be particularly happy to have the pleasure of her
acquaihtance ; she lamented that, as she was returned
to school the day before, she must wait some
time before she could have that pleasure ; but begged,
as soon as ever Miss Turner returned into the neigh-
bourhood, she might have the pleasure of seeing her.
This was the first step."

It was about the first of March 1826 that the two
Messrs. Wakefield quitted France for England, ap-
parently to look after their own affairs, and follow up

MISS TURNER. 97

the prosecution of the plan only a little while before
begun by the \'isit at Shrigley : they made their way
to Macclesfield, and having arrived at that town,
took up their abode in the house of Dr. Davies.
This done, they diligently set about the work. In
conjunction with their step-mother, they spent several
days in paying judicious visits to certain neighbours
whose interest might be favourable — in getting intro-
ductions, through her, to two or three likely families
that lived within a short distance — in acquiring infor-
mation touching the Turner family, by casual conver-
sations with those on whom they called — and in
taking rides about the estates at Shrigley, by which
they had opportimities of personally reconnoitering the
ground.

Miss Davies also learnt from Mr. Grimsditch (Mr.
Turner's solicitor in Macclesfield), that both he (Mr.
Grimsditch) and Mr. Turner were going to London
on Monday the 6th of March, that identical day in
which she was speaking to him being either Friday or
Saturday, the 8rd or 4th, only two or three days
before, and Sunday being one of the intervening days.
This, then, was the favourable time ; there was not
a moment to be lost, although so rapid a course of
proceeding might have come upon them more sud-
denly than might have been at first contemplated :
the opportunity, however, of having these two for-
midable personages out of the way, was such as might
not again happen for a length of time ; and although
they had scarcely been able, since their arrival, to
mature their plans with much deliberation, the chance

VOL. II. ' F

98 WAKEFIELD AND

before them must not be allowed to escape. They
then, in this posture of affairs, came to a resolute
decision, and determined to act at once.

Wakefield accordingly started to Liverpool, where
the Misses Daulby''s school w:as, taking with him one
Edward Thevenot, a Frenchman, who acted as
servant.

Wakefield having alighted, Thevenot alone drove
up to the school. Miss Turner being in the house, and,
according to his instructions, delivered the letter to
Miss Daulby, of which the following is a copy : —

" Shrigley, Monday night, half past twelve, March 6th.
" Madam,

" I write to you by the desire of Mrs. Turner of Shrigley, who
has been seized with a sudden attack of paralysis. Mr. Turner is
unfortunately from home, but has been sent for ; and Mrs.
Turner wishes to see her daughter immediately. A steady
servant will take this letter and my carriage to you, to fetch Miss
Turner, and I beg tliat no time may be lost in her departure,
as, though I do not think that Mrs. Turner is in immediate danger,
it is probable she may soon become incapable of recognizing any
one. Mrs. Turner particularly wishes that her daughter should
not be informed of the extent of her danger, as, without this pre-
caution, Miss Turner might be very anxious on the journey, and
this house is so crowded, and in such confusion and alarm, that
Mrs. Turner does not wish any one to accompany her daughter.

" The servant is instructed not to let the boys drive too fast, as
Miss Turner is rather fearful in a carriage.

"I am, Madam, your obedient servant, John Ainsworth, M.D.

" The best thing to be said to Miss Turner is, that Mrs. Turner
wishes to have her home rather sooner, for the approacliing re-
moval to the new house ; and liis servant is instructed to give no
otlicr reason, in case Miss Turner should ask him any questions.
Mrs. Turner is anxious that her daugliter should not be frightened,
und trusts to your judgment to prevent it. Slic also desires me to
add, that her sister, or niece, or myself, should she continue un-
able, will not fail t« write to you by the post."

MISS TURNER. 99

The unsuspecting girl was given up by Miss
Daulby, who had no idea but that all was right and
true : and, on getting into the carriage, she was forth-
with driven to Manchester, accompanied only by the
pseudo domestic, Thevenot.

Here, for the first time, she beheld the two Mr.
Wakefields, who took occasion to introduce them-
selves, severally, at the inn in that town, whereat she
had alighted. Edward Gibbon, the principal, regret-
ted that her father, whose dear friend he was ! was
not present to introduce him, so that he was under
the necessity of performing that oflBce for himself;
but excused this step by saying that Mr. Turner had
sent him to her, with the request that she would
accompany him to her father.

Surprised, uneasy, and anxious as she was, she
gladly complied with a request so welcome ; she
desired nothing more than to meet with those whom
she knew and loved, since she was now surrounded
only by strangers, a position to a girl of fifteen,
both annoying and formidable.

To all her questions, however, as to where Mr.
Turner was, she got evasive, perplexing, and unsatis-
factory answers; in fact, it was here necessary to
work forcibly upon her fears and her credulity, as,
indeed, the sequel will shew. Nor did the smallest
part of the plot centre in the necessity of keeping her
in ignorance of all that concerned her parents ; of
making representations to her in which there was no
truth, and in terrifying her mind by fabrications of
distress recently come upon them. He took occasion

F 2

100 WAKEFIELD AND

to tell her that her mother''8 illness was not the true
cause of her being sent for (and here he was right),
but that it was the unfortunate reverse in her father"'s
affairs ; in this way terrifying her with an appalling
picture of ruin just lighted on the family. He said
that Mr. Turner had lately lost much money through
the failure of certain banks, which he duly specified ;
a piece of information that threw Miss Turner into a
heart-rending state of sorrow and apprehension. Then,
in order to excite the feelings of gratitude and obliga-
tion in the sensitive bosom of this young lady towards
himself, he added, by way of consolation, that a
generous-minded uncle of his had actually lent Mr.
Turner the sum of sixty thousand pounds.

Mr. Wakefield, having now worked the young
lady up to a pitch of extreme terror, set about to
allay her apprehensions by suggesting how these im-
mense evils might be averted : he said he had received
a letter from Mr. Grimsditch, her father"'8 lawyer,
in which a plan was proposed and approved of by
them, and which he would at once proceed to explain ;
and he also had to mention, that the liberation of the
whole family from destruction, and the warding off of
the peril which was about to overwhelm them, center-
ed in herself entirely : in fine, that if she would only ac-
cede to the proposal propounded by her father and his
lawyer, as set forth in the letter, she could be the means
of restoring them all to prosperity and happiness.

The words in the opening speech of the trial, on
the part of the prosecution, are these : " An expe-
dient had been suggested," said the learnfed counsel,

MISS TURNER. 101

imitating the language of Mr. Wakefield, " for reliev-
ing himself (Mr. Turner) and all your family from
this distress, by Mr. Grimsditch, your father's confi-
dential adviser, from whom I have received a letter ;
and what do you think it is ? Why that you should
marry me ! and then my uncle, if you do, will settle
matters between you and me, and it will save your
father from being turned out of doors, and all your
family from destruction,''

Miss Turner was perfectly astounded at this pro-
posal ; and after she had been pressed about it several
times, She very properly said, " I must see my papa
first, before I can answer upon such a matter as
that."

That Mr. Wakefield is a clever, shrewd, and acute
man, the whole scheme and prosecution of this plot
everywhere evinces. There was an immense deal to
do ; a great many difficulties to combat ; a host of
obstacles to overcome. There was as much ingenious
and plausible fiction to invent as would fill a ropiance ;
there were several episodes, as it were, besides the
main fiction, which must be kept as reserves to fall
back upon ; so that if any member or portion of the
principal thread of the invention should miscarry, or
fall under detection, one of these detached episodes of
reserve might be brought up to carry on the business
without an hiatus. It was an ingeniously contrived
affair, and gone through likewise with equal skill :
the only lamentation is, that the talent herein dis-
played was not devoted to a better purpose.

Miss Turner, as we have said, was taken in the

102 WAKEFIELD AND

carriage from Liverpool to Manchester, and here
wrought upon, as the reader knows. The rubicon
now being passed, every expedient was urged that
would consummate the scheme with all despatch.
The design was, to marry her to the principal in the
affair, according to the proposal pretended to have
been set forth in the said letter ; and to this end it
was necessary to lose no time in getting to Gretna
Green. They told her that Mr. Turner was flying
from the sheriffs' oflBcers, who were in pursuit of him
in consequence of his reverse ; that he was endeavour-
ing to escape into Scotland, where they had no power
to touch him ; and that, as he had fled northward
with this intention, they must follow him imme-
diately, if she desired to see him as she wished.

This innocent child, suspecting no evil, and yearn-
ing after nothing so much as to throw herself into
the arms of her parent in his affliction, and more
especially so, as she had been given to understand
that the power of delivering him from his enemies
was in her own hands, readily and willingly con-
sented to go anywhere in the world where her father
might be ; and with this ostensible purpose they
quitted Manchester without delay. They travelled all
that day from the morning they left the school, and
all the succeeding night, nor stopped until about ten
o'clock before noon of the next day, when they got
to Carlisle.

Here they did not tarry much longer than to
change horses ; but here they practised upon their
prey the most torturing scene in the whole drama.

MISS TURNER. 103

On arriving at the inn the two Mr. Wakefields
alighted, leaving Miss Turner in the carriage. At
the door of the inn, and in the street, several idlers
had collected, to satisfy their curiosity by looking at
the strangers, as they generally do in most towns on
similar occasions. These two, who accompanied her,
either walked about within sight, or went into the
house, sometimes near her and sometimes away,
whilst she remained where she was. Although the
servants of the establishment came and offered her
their civilities, she rather preferred not to get out ;
nor indeed do her companions appear to have been
very anxious that she should escape from the cage in
which they had put her.

After some little tarrying, they came to speak to
her at the carriage window, and poured forth into
her affrighted ears such a torrent of afflicting news,
as might well have overwhelmed the strongest mind ;
no wonder, then, that she was sorely troubled. They
assisted each other, either separately, together, or
corroboratively, in informing her that her father was
really arrived before them, together with his friend
Mr. Grimsditch ; that he was endeavouring to effect
his escape over the Border into Scotland from the
bailiffs, who were searching for him ; that, in fact,
those very bailiffs were now standing round the door
of the hotel, and that her papa was actually at that
moment in the house, but dare not discover himself
for fear of being taken.

Still working on her terrors and her affection to-
wards her father, they went on to say, that they had

104 WAKEFIELD AND

. been into the inn, and had positively seen both Mr.
Turner and Mr. Grimsditch concealed in a back-
rx)on], hid away in bodily fear ; that they would
come out to her if they dare : that they had twice
that morning tried to escape into Scotland, but could
not eflPect it on account of the sheriffs' officers : but
that her father had sent her out a message, com-
missioning them to deliver it to his child, and which
was, that if she ever loved him she would not hesitate to
accept Mr. Wakejieldfor a husband !

Most indignant reader ! art thou in an honest
passion ? art thou as justly furious at perusing this
narrative as we are at writing it ? We would ven-
ture a small hazard that thou hast not coolly gone
through these pages with an indifferent mind,

Jt may. not be uninteresting to add part of the
evidence, as given by Miss Turner's own lips in the
court of justice at Lancaster, in illustration of the
above particulars. The court on this occasion was
crowded to excess, since the most intense desire to
hear the proceedings was manifested by both sexes
and all conditions. Not only did a great many from
the neighbouring English counties, and even from the
more distant ones also, flock thither to be present on
the occasion, but persons from Scotland likewise re-
paired to Lancaster, so great and so extended was
the curiosity and the interest.

After several witnesses had been called, and mi-
nutely examined, amongst whom was her father, it
was signified that Miss Turner's evidence would be
required next. Infinite anxiety spread itself all

MISS TURNER. 105

through the building at this moment ; the longing to
see the youthful and innocent victim was intense ; die
feelings of pity and commiseration burst from the
hearts of every one towards her. Edward Gibbon
Wakefield was seated at a short distance, where he
was necessitated to withstand the gaze of a multitude
that looked not kindly on him ; at the same time
that certain others who had promoted the conspiracy,
had sociably to undergo the like public exhibition.

At last Miss Turner appeared.

Every breath was stopped ; every tongue was
hushed ; and every eye was fixed on one object.

Nothing so much engrosses the sympathies of the
human heart as the contemplation of youth and
purity being in* imminent peril. Our whole soul is
turned to that object ; our whole desire is for its
rescue ; our whole yearning for its safety.

106 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

CHAPTER VIII.

Gretna Marriages. — Wakefield and Miss Turner.

The actors and the stage revealed

The devil wide awake,
His imps walk with him o'er the field,

And follow in his Wake.

It is a formidable thing to be an object on which
a thousand eyes are intently fixed, all at the same
moment.

And yet, pray let us ask, why should it be thus
formidable ^ Can a thousand eyes do us more injury
by being fixed upon us, than a single pair ; or than
no eyes at all ? Assuredly not. If we have done
no wrong, and if we possess a clear conscience, what
signifies who looks at us, or how many, or how
intently .''

The fiction of the evil eye has been exploded.
It was once believed that rays were emitted from
the eye, like rays out of the disc of the sun ; and
that they fell upon the object towards which that
eye was directed : and then it was thought, further-
more, that if one person looked at another with
hatred, revenge, or other malignant passion, the rays

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 107

SO emitted were of a deadly nature, and could work
injury to the person on whom they fell. The dread
of the evil eye, therefore, in a superstitious, : id
credulous, and ignorant age, was often very extreme
in those who fancied they were the object of its
gaze; and he who was looked upon by a thousand
eyes at once, peradventure thinking that many of
them might be the malignant eyes of his enemies,
might well cower under the infliction.

But now we know better. We know that rays
do not proceed from the eye, and therefore we know
that eyes cannot cast any injury upon us merely by
being directed towards us : and yet, in spite of know-
ing this and feeling this, we cannot place ourselves
before a hundred sped tors without finding our
courage shaken when we become the object of their
fixed look.

Why is this, when our conscience is clear and
unsullied, and pure ? We believe it to be a sensa-
tion of modesty, which is a component of human
nature, but which is of various degrees of intensity
in different individuals — some being more, modest
than others. We may just as well ask why a
virtuous and innocent girl blushes when she is looked
at, or spoken to — why she should be conscious of
shame when she has done no wrong ? It is an
inherent modesty which heaven has implanted in our
natures, doubtless for some wise purpose. We are
not quite satisfied that the operations of mesmerism
are not referable to this fact in a great measure ;
and that the timid, modest, and shame-faced, will

108 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

be much more reacGly wrought upon than the fearless,
brazen, and bold.

The feeling of modest shame is more powerful in
youth fhan it is in the period of more advanced
age ; because then our strength of mind to overcome
it, our usage in the world, which makes us familiar
with publicity, and our powers of reflexion, to reason
down the rising blush, are by no means so strong
as they are when we are a little older and more
experienced. Nature then shows herself in her true
colours — the modest reveal their timidity, and the
bold their effrontery; but afterwards we become
hardened to innocent shame, do not betray our
internal emotions so readily, and more completely
acquire what is termed "a command of countenance.^'

For one so young, so unused to appear in pubHc
on any occasion, and especially on an occasion so
much concerning herself, and one which called the
gaze of hundreds upon her, and for one of her sex,
naturally averse to publicity, her self-possession, her
coUectedness, her presence of mind, and her courage,
were remarkable to a degree, and prepossessed every
heart favourably towards her the moment she came
forwai'd. Part of her evidence ran as follows : —

Miss Turner sworn. Examined by Ma. Sergeant Cross.

Miss Tuiner, I believe you are the daughter of Mr. Turner of
Shrigley ? — I am."

[It would occupy too much space were we to make
our extracts copious: we will, therefore, only keep
to the point in hand.]

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 109

What was the communication that WiUiain Wakefield made to
his hrother ? — He said he had seen my papa at Carlisle.

And what else 1 — And that Mr. Grimsditch was wjth him.

Go on, if you please ? — That he was there concealed in a srmall
room at the back of the house. . •

Go on, if you please ? — That he had made two attempts that
day to cross the Border, and could not.

What Border was that ? — The Border between England and
Scotland.

Did he say anything more had passed in the room with your
father and Mr. Grimsditch ? — He said the persons whom I had
seen round the carriage door were sheriffs' officers.

Sheriffs' officers ! what about ? — In search of my papa.

Was anything more said about Mr. Grimsditch ? — That Mr.
Grimsditch had entreated Mr. William Wakefield would not stop
in tlie room, or they should be discovered.

Well, anything else ? — And that he had taken him by the
shoulders and turned liim out of the room.

Did he bring any message from your father to you ? — He said
that my papa requested, if I ever loved him that I would not
hesitate.

By Mr. Baron Hullock. Hesitate to do what? — To accept
Mr. Wakefield as a husband.

What did you say to that ? — I consented.

What induced you to consent ? — The fear that if I did not my
papa would be ruined."

Surely this course of proceeding towards a youthful
damsel was somewhat novel, in order to obtain her
consent to a marriage. And he, too, who played
the principal role, 'a widower with a family of
children ! " The fear that if I did not my papa
would be ruined!^ a sweet consentment, in sobei
sooth, for a lover to win from his bride : a disintes-
ested lover of Shrigley Hall, and papa"'8 broad acres.
Well has it indeed been said, that money is the root
of all evil. 4

no GRETNA MARRIAGES.

One short extract more and there an end.

Cross examined by Mr. Scarlett.

Will you allow me to ask you two or three questions : I
sha'n't trouble you at any length. You went through the form of
ceremony of marriage in Scotland, did you not ? — Yes.

And you had a ring ? — Yes.

The ring was too large for you I believe, was it not ? — It was
rather.

Another was bought for you at Calais, afterwards, I believe ? —
Yes.

When we have to explain the manner in which
the ceremony is performed at Gretna, we shall have
to recur to the minutes of this trial, in the evidence
of David Laing, " The blacksmith," so called (who
never was a blacksmith) ; but as far as regards the
present, we desist from transferring to our pages any
more, thinking that we have given enough to serve
every purpose of information.

We have already been present at the precipitate
arrival of this party at Gretna Hall, (when we com-
menced the history of this particular case of abduc-
tion,)— we were pn "ent at the execution, whereat
there was no need oi' a wedding garment, — we have
shewn how that they sat down to dinner after it
was over, and how the aforesaid David, marrier-
general to all comers, relished his champagne ; and
it only now remains to shew how the young lady
was hurried away thence by these miscreants all
through England, from the extreme north even to
the south, and then across the Channel to France,
incessantly travelling for days and nights, and having

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. Ill

no time allowed her for rest, for -sleep, and scarcely
for refreshment.

This over, we think the reader will be satisfied.

It will not appear astonishing that the party should
hastily depart from Gretna Green, and fly to some
sanctuary beyond the reach of English pursuit. This
they did without long tarrying, when they had hand-
somely feed the various functionaries at the Hall ;
and directing their course for London, they passed
again through CarUsle, Penrith, Manchester, Sec, and
arrived in the great metropolis without accident or
hinderance.

All along the road, as they proceeded through the
various towns, the same conduct towards Miss Tur-
ner was sedulously kept up as had been previously
maintained, with regard to her father and his affairs,
— the same statements were sent forth, and the same
suspense and uncertainty inflicted upon thepoor girl.

In those who trade for lucre, there is no feeling
— ^no sympathy — no consideration — self is the only
thing cared for. The crosses, poverty, or reverses of
others pass unheeded, so that such mishaps do not
retard the progress of self. What if others weep^
what if others hunger — starve — die ? the sordid wor-
shiper of self does not feel it. Why .'' Even be-
cause perchance those others may himger, starve, or
die to enrich him.

The fugitives immediately hurried their young
female companion out of London to the coast; and
there, taking the packet, they got to Calais.

Here they appear to have beeu a little less appre-

112 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

hensive ; either resting on the hope that their retreat
would remain undiscovered, or else fancying that
pursuit could not reach them beyond the straits — but
in both these suppositions they were mistaken.

Miss Daulby had not been very long deprived of
her young charge before there arose in her mind
certain suspicions that all was not right ; and as she
received no account from Miss Turner of her safe
arrival at home, and no news or letter from any
other persons touching her, those suspicions, after
they had been once started, every hour gained ground
rapidly upon her.

In this state she continued for a time, tossed about
"upon the troubled sea of uncertitude," as some
gentle poet touchingly saith ; one while giving herself
up to fear, which, as John Locke sagaciously tells us
" is an uneasiness of the mind upon the thought of a
future evil likely to befal upon us," — her uneasiness
being the dread of loss of her good name in the care
of her establishment, and loss of pupils in conse-
quence ; — and at another, clutching to her the sweet
passion of hope, which, as the same logician sets
forth, " is that pleasure of the mind which every one
finds in himself (or herself) upon the thought of a
profitable future enjoyment of a thing which is apt
to delight," — to wit, — that peradventure, she should
receive such good news shortly as would sweep away
her former fears, and assure her that all was well,
and she might rest at ease.

When, however, it got bruited about by the phi-
lanthropy of her neighbours, that, forsooth, a young

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 113

lady had been stolen away from her protection,
most likely through her carelessness, or lack of caution,
or unfitness for her calling ; and when some said, " I
am sure I would never send my daughter to such a
school,*" and when others (who were too poor to pay
the half-year''s bill) cried out vociferously, " Well, I
think it is time I take . my daughter away — she
sha^n't stay there," — then, indeed, this worthy teacher
of archery to the young idea, conceived another pas-
sion within her bosom, videlicet — " an uneasiness of
the mind upon the thought of a good lost, which
might have been enjoyed longer, or the sense of a
present evil ;" — which passion, in the vulgar tongue,
goes by the common name of " sorrow.'^

The " good lost," as mentioned above, was the
young lady herself — or, under correction, the fair
round sum she yearly received with her; or, to do
her justice, the reputation of her school, touching
which, she put herself into an infinite fluster : — a
good " which might have been enjoyed longer," that
is, if the misfare had not befalljen. So, also, " the
sense of the present evil " was neither more nor less
than the reflecting on these sad matters.

Unable to control these passions any longer, to-
gether with one or two others ycleped "suspense"
and " impatience," she resolved to journey forthwith
to Shrigley, and ascertain the real truth; for suspense
and incertitude are worse than death ten times over.

When she had arrived there and stated her case,
there was, indeed, a fine to-do in that house ; the
brooks were augmented with tears, the winds with

114 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

sighs, and the thunders of heaven with oaths ten
fathom deep. The inquiries were minute, the lamen-
tations great and loud, the conjectures many, and
the resolutions various.

At last, when they had sufficiently cooled down
into a state of reflection, preparations were made for
instant pursuit. Having, from some hasty investiga-
tions, obtained a clue as to the direction which the ab-
ductors had taken, Mr. Turner, Mr. Grimsditch, and
others, started for London, whereunto all rogues
repair, whatever honest men may do ; here they
traced them to the coast, and fled onwards in search.

Mr. Turner was so overcome by the shock, so
overwhelmed at the loss of his only hope, his only
heir, his only pride, his only offspring, that he
was seized with an ailing so piteous as to prevent
his continuing the journey ; he could go no further —
he was stricken down : wherefore he was left under
the care of certain medical men, whilst the others
made the best of their way to France.

The rencontre here was belligerent to a degree.
The young lady was secured in another room of the
hostel to which they had been traced, whilst Wake-
field resolutely fought for the retainment of his bride,
face to face with his opponents. He, at first, ob-
stinately refused to give her up, asserting his superior
right to her over her father or any one else, as being
her husband ; but they, on the other hand, assured
him that he was not her husband ; for since he had
used deception, intimidation, and falsehood in obtain-
ing her, the marriage was illegal, and, indeed, was

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 115

no marriage at all. The battle raged long and
fiercely : he, unwilling to be convinced that the
marriage was void ; and they " quoting William and
Mary upon him until he was tired of their majesties'
names,'' in proof of the truth of their assertion.

They also demanded to see Miss Turner — to have
her produced from her place of concealment — that
they might learn from her lips the particulars of a
proceeding so strange and so iniquitous. This he
was reluctant for a long time to submit to, seeing
that a host of evils to himself, and the probable anni-
hilation of his whole scheme, now so nearly per-
fected, would ensue thereon. But there was no help.

He was constrained to promise that he would go
and fetch her ; they would not suffer him to be in
the room during the interview, but granted that he
should come in amongst them after she had told them
the truth unrestrained by his presence.

A few words served to convince her of the peril
wherein she had stood, and to open her eyes to the
conduct of the man who had thus stolen her. She
was told that the marriage was deceptive and illegal;
and when the real state of the transaction rushed
upon her, she turned from him in horror and disgust,
and threw herself into the arms of her uncle, who
was one of those who had come over for her.

She was then taken back to England, despite his
every attempt to retain her, and restored to those
who were bewailing her loss.

The following letter from Mr. Edward Gibbon
Wakefield to his brother WilUam, which, by the by,

116 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

was never intended to meet the public eye, was writ-
ten soon after the rumpus at Calais ; and is curious
enough to amuse the reader, if the preceding narra-
tive may have done so.

Calais, Thursday.

My dear William. — I write in haste to save the post, only
to give you news, and nothing else. Mr. Robert Turner, Mr.
Critchley, and Grimsditch, arrived by the packet to-day, with
warrants, &c. I soon knew what they were come for, but would
not attempt to avoid the question. Shortly I saw them, and
found that, with Ellen's consent, they could take her away.
They insisted on seeing her : I could not object. She told
all, and was anxious to leave me, when she knew all. I ex-
pected as much, and therefore made a merit of necessity, and
let her go. They tried to take me, but for that they were on the
wrong side of the water, as I well knew. However, I oifered to
go with them, but begged Mr. Critchley to believe that I would
be in England to answer any charge, as soon as I had seen my
children and settled my affairs. Nothing could be more hostile
than the whole spirit of their proceedings. I could readily have
escaped with Ellen, but their account of Mrs. and Mr. Turner's
state, made such a step impossible. I made, and gave in writing,
a solemn declaration, that she and I have been as brother and
sister. How this may aifect the validity of the marriage I know
not, nor could I raise the question : I was bound, and it was wise,
to give some comfort to Mr. Turner.

I am now in a stew about you, and wish that you were safe.
There can be no doubt the law can punish us. For myself, I will
meet it, come what may ; but if you are able, get away as soon
as possible : I do not care a straw for myself. The grand ques-
tion now is — is the raarrjagc legal ? They all said no, and
quoted William and Mary upon me till I was tired of their ma-
jesties' names. Pray let me know that. But I write to Nunky.
Do not stay — you can do no good, I shall go to England as soon
as possible ; upon this you may depend. 1 shall not write again
till I hear from you, for fear of accidents. Percy came with the
trio, and has witnessed the row. We start early in the morning.
Pray write, but say nothing to anybody. I am the person to

"Yours ever, E. G. W.

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 117

Thus the matter ended on the other side of the
Channel ; but the reckoning was not paid — the day
of retribution was to come.

The marriage at Gretna took place on Wednesday,
March the 8th, 1826 ; she was rescued at Calais on
the loth of the same month, having been married
(so to speak) for the space of seven days ; and the
trial at Lancaster came on the 23rd of the same
month also, and in the subsequent year, 1827.

I'he indictment set forth : — " That, on the seventh
day of March, in the year of our Lord one thousand
eight hundred and twenty-six, at Manchester, in th^
County of Lancaster, Edward Gibbon Wakefield, * *
William Wakefield, * * Edward Thevenot, * * and
Frances, the wife of Edward Wakefield (Miss Davies),
* * not having any right or authority whatever to take
and convey the said Ellen Turner out of or from the
possession, and against the will of the said Margaret
Daull>y, &c., unlawfully, wickedly, and injuriously,
and for the sake of lucre and gain, did conspire, &c.,
by divers subtle stratagems and contrivances, and by
false representations, unlawfully to take and convey,
and to cause and procure to be taken and conveyed,
the said Ellen Turner, then and there being a maid
unmarried, and within the age of sixteen years, to
wit, of the age of fifteen years, from, and out of the
possession of, and against the will of, the said Mar-
garet Daulby, &c., and unlawfully to cause the said
Ellen Turner, &c., to contract matrimony with the
said Edward Gibbon Wakefield f — and so on.

Throughout the whole of the proceedings, the

118 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

learned lawyer was not very reserved in the severity
of his epithets and nouns, as applied to one and all
of these conspirators. Certainly, he spoke very freely,
to say the least of it ; and appeared nothing fearful
of action for libel by so doing.

By the statute of 3rd of Henry VII. cap. 2., it
is enacted, " That whereas women having substances,
or being heirs apparent, &c., for the lucre of such
substances, have been oftentimes taken by misdoers,
contrary to their will, and after married to such
misdoers, or to other, by their assent, or defiled : —
what person or persons, from henceforth, that taketh
any woman, so against her will unlawfully, such
taking, procuring, or abetting to the same, and also
receiving, wittingly, the same woman so taken against
her will, knowing the same, shall be felony," &c.

And the crime of felony in those times was punished
with a severity which not only showed how carefully
the law lent its aid to the protection of youthful
heiresses, but also proves in how great abhorrence
that wretch was held who would abduct one away
from her home.

In subsequent reigns the statute underwent certain
modifications, but the offence was still punishable
according to its heinousness.

The existing state of the law was thus explained
to the Court by Mr. Sergeant Cross : — " By the
statute law of England, carrying away a young
female under the age of sixteen, whether with her own
consent or not, from the custody of her parents or
instructors, and afterwards marrying her, whether

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 119

with her own consent or not, is a high misdemeanour,
that subjects the offender to five years imprisonment,
and a fine at the discretion of the Court ; and subjects
the female herself if she consents to such a marriage,
to the forfeiture of her inheritance as long as the hus-
band whom she has chosen shall live.''''

The words in itaUcs we have laid particular stress
on, that the attention of our youthful ladies patron-
esses may be more especially attracted thereto ;
wherefore, we pray ye to lay up the above well in
your memories, as a wholesome check against the
temptations of some agreeable villain, who would
whisper elopement and Gretna Green in your ears.

Whatever befalls, don''t say we didn't warn you.

Alas ! how much more easy it is to give advice than
to receive it.

Who was that humble and excellent divine that
used to exclaim from his pulpit to his congregation,
" Do as I say, but not as I do;'** well knowing his
own Weakness as being a morsel of human nature,
yet wherewithal passing humble in confessing that
it was difficult indeed to act up to the good advice
which he could give.

Shall we gravely advise you never to fall in love
at all, by way of being on the safe side of the ques-
tion ? Nay, that we will not do : fall in love by
all means, only do it discreetly and wisely. But it
is hard to be wise in this matter, since passion ever
sways us more than sober reason ; and some one
demands, "Who ever loved and was wise?" as
we have heretofore said.

120 GRETNA MARRIAGES.

It is below, and up to the age of sixteen, that
the statute as above propounded refers ; that is,
sets forth how you may be persuaded to wed as with
your own consent ; yet, to run upon destruction,
to ruin your husband, and to forfeit your inheritance ;
after that age this law does not affect you, but
leaves you to the guidance of your own discretion,
a stable guidance assuredly, and one of which you
all are possessed long before you attain to those
years.

Some two months after the trial, the prisoners were
transferred from Lancaster Castle to London ; anc
the final sentence was passed upon them in the
Court of King's Bench, in May 1827. " An affi-
davit," we are further told, " on the part of Edward
Gibbon Wakefield was read, alleging the imprison-
ment he had already suffered, and the expense en-
tailed upon him by the prosecution, (8,000/.) in
mitigation of punishment."

Whether this affidavit effected anything in his
behalf or not, certain it is, he was sentenced to three
years durance in Newgate prison ; and his brother
William suffered incarceration within the walls of
Lancaster Castle for an equal period of time ; a
lenient punishment, indeed, for the injury they had
done.

By way of diverting his mind, and drowning the
dismalness of his gloomy cell, in Newgate, he amused
himself by covering the walls with maps of various
parts of the world ; and here he speculated on such

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 121

plans of colonization as be has been more deeply
engaged in since bis liberation.

In commenting witb due severity on Edward
Gibbon Wakefield's case, the Edinburgh Review
makes some sound remarks on the Scottish marriage
of English parties.

" It seems a most extraordinary posture of things,"' says the
Northern Writer, "that while our neighbours have guarded, by
extreme precaution, against an improvident contract on so import-
ant a matter, all those precautions should be evaded or frustrated by
so easy an expedient as a journey to Scotland — no difficult thing
to undertake from the Land's-End, but easier than going to the
county town, in the provinces bordering on Scotland.
- " By the Marriage Act, ever since the reign of George the Se-
cond, a person under the age of one and twenty can only marry
after public proclamation in church for three successive Sun-
days, and consequently a fortnight is given for notice to parents or
guardians, unless their consent is formally interposed, in which
case the marriage may be immediately celebrated by licence.
Moreover, the solemnity must be performed by a regular clergy-
man in orders. To the English it has appeared that this is by
on means too complicated a machinery for effecting so important
a purpose ; or that greater facility could safely be given for en-
tering into so weighty and so indissoluble an engagement. The
more delay, they say, the more time for reflection, the better at a
time of life when the passions are so much stronger than the
judgment ; and the interj)osition of parental authority and advice
is the mildest and most appropriate checli that could be devised
ujwn the imprudence of youth.

" With us, in Scotland, however, the law is wholly different.
The civil law doctrine prevails here in its full force. Mere con-
sent of parties, deliberately given, is alone sufficient to constitute
a marriage, without a moment's delay, without any consent of
parents or guardians, or any notice to them ; add to which, that
a mere promise of marriage, followed by consiunmation, or a living
together as man and wife, without either formal consent or pro-
mise, amount also to a marriage, being deemed by operation of
law to involve presumptions of consent.

VOL. II. O

122 GRETNA GREEN MARRIAGES.

" We speak with all reverence of our country's institutions ;
and we know that in point of fact less evil has practically resulted
from them than might have been apprehended ; but we must
admit that it is not unnatural for our neighbours to wonder how
such a law can prevail in a civilized state of society, where mar-
riage is, as it were, the very comer stone of all the social edifice.
A person under twenty-one years of age cannot sell or pledge, or
in any way burden an acre of his land ; but a boy of fourteen, and
a girl of twelve, may unite themselves, on an acquaintance of half
an hour, indissolubly for life. Nay, the heir to vast possessions
and high honours may be, at that tender age, inveigled by a
strumpet of thirty, into a match, which, by its consequences, shall
carry to the issue of her bed all his castles and dignities. This
seems strange ; and it is impossible to deny that it does expose
our youth occasionally to most tremendous hazards. We have
already said, however, that the practical evils are far less than
might be expected, owing, perhaps, to tlie characteristic caution of
our race ; and we might say, that there are hazards and evils in
the opposite system, which we, in our turn, wonder a little that the
English should overlook. We do not propose, however, on this
occasion, to enter into any comparison of the two laws ; but
merely to consider the consequences that have arisen from their
conflict, and from what we cannot but think the inconsistent
principles upon which their respective pretensions have on differ-
ent occasions been adjusted.

" The law of England, by allowing the validity of Scotch mar-
riages between its own domesticated subjects, plainly renders that
law quite nugatory, wherever there is a temptation to evade its
enactments, that is, wherever the mischief exists, to punish which
they were devised. The tradesman and his wife, and their chil-
dren, are married regularly by banns ; the person of maturer age
and easy circumstances weds by licence ; the consent of parents
or guardians is given as a matter of course where the match is
prudent. But wherever the parties ought not to marry — where
there is disparity of years, or of station, or of fortune, then the law
becomes a dead letter : these being the very cases for which its
aid was wanted, and to regulate which its provisions were con-
trived— provisions, in every other case, rather incumbrances than
advantages. The journey to Scotland is plainly a mere fraud
upon the law of England — an escape from its penalties — an eva-

WAKEFIELD AND MISS TURNER. 123

sion of its authority. The residence in Scotland, which allows
the Scottish law to regulate the contract as lex loci, is hardly
colourable, or rather, it is no residence at all. The parties may
remain within our territory during the half minute necessary to
utter the words of mutual consent, and then recross the line and
re-enter England. Straightway they are married to all intents and
purposes ! and all English rights, from the succession to a duke-
dom down to the inheritance of a cabbage-garden, become irre-
vocably affected by the solemnity, or rather the mockery, enacted
in Scotland. No matter how illegal the whole affair may have
been — for it is illegal even in Scotland, and the parties are liable
to censure, and strictly speaking, even to punishment ; but this is
never inflicted, unless a clergyman most needlessly lend his aid ;
and whether inflicted or not, the marriage stands good. " Fieri
tion dehuit, factum valet," says the law of Scotland ! " Contractus
habent vigorem secundum legem loci," echoes the English law !
with a view to frustrating its own most specific and positive enact-
ments, upon the most important of all subjects.

"Now, that such a state of things is eminently pregnant with
inconvenience and mischief, needs hardly be stated ; it obviously
must be so. That it is peculiar to the Law of Marriage, is equally
certain. In no other matter do our municipal laws suffer them-
selves to be evaded. A man cannot get into a boat at Dover, for
the purpose of escaping the stamp laws, by drawing a receipt, which
may be afterwards available in an English Court of Justice. He
cannot go to Scotland and execute a will of lands in England,
without three subscribing witnesses. If he could, whatever
fraudulent devices any one had to set up, would be alleged to
have been made at Gretna Green, and the check afforded by
examining attesting witnesses, would no longer exist ; and we
should hear of Gretna Green wills to defraud the heir-at-law
just as we now do of Gretna Green marriages, to defeat the mar-
riage act immediately, and in their consequences to affect heirs-at-
law likewise. Is, then, the subject of marriage to be the only one
where the Law of England permits the most gross and barefaced
evasion of its provisions, merely because this is of all contracts the
most momentous in itself, and the most grave in its consequences ?

G 3

124 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

CHAPTER IX.

Ancient Marriaare Customs.

Some ancient marriage customs cited,

Some modern customs shown,
Some evil customs not yet righted,

Some good ones used and known.

We hope it will be long before any other idea than
that a halo of religious sanctity hangs over the
marriage ceremony in > Great Britain, will pervade
the national mind. That marriage should be looked
upon in a sacred light, and not merely as a legal
contract, by which one person is bound to another
for life, as an apprentice is for seven years, is especi-
ally desirable to the unthinking, the volatile, and
the rash, to say nothing of the vicious and the
wicked. Many a thoughtless person will unreflect-
ingly enter upon a civil contract, however binding,
(and peradventure to their sorrow afterwards,) when,
on the other hand, had the sanctity of the church
hovered like a descending dove over the contract,
that same person would have hesitated to proceed
thus blindly. And then, from hesitating to go for-
ward with precipitancy, time would be given to

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 125

reflect, and reflexion might bring reason, and reason
might save that person from doing an action which
would be the misery of all after years, had it been
done. Even the greatest sinners that tread this
earth under foot, that desecrate the sabbath, or live
a life of blind iniquity, still feel an awe when they
enter a church to go through the ceremony of a
binding obligation. It is a fact, that many an
atheist, who knows not what the words " God,"
or " religion" mean, or who will never scruple to
tell any the most horrible lie to suit his purpose,
will, nevertheless, shun repeating the same thing,
either before the altar, or with his right hand placed
upon the bible ; and yet this atheist openly derides
and disbeUeves every word that the bible contains,
and always says in his heart, '* There is no God."
Even to snch a one as this, there is an indescrib-
able, inscrutable, and mysteriously dreaded some-
thing connected with the sound of that word religion,
which all his disbelief cannot overcome, and which
all his philosophy cannot persuade away. If the
idea of a God be not innate, then we will give way
to Locke, and concede that we are born without
ideas, of a truth : but if the most barbarous, ignorant,
neglected, or abandoned that ever stepped on Bri-
tish soil, have not clear notions on this subject,
still, there never was a person, however benighted,
but owned to a superstitious fear of some undefined
power beyond the world superior to himself and
his control; and this is the crude commencement
of behef.

126 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

The love of being united beneath the groined
ceiling of Mother Church, is a taste so intimately
belonging to the public mind in this country, that
we trust no new law, enacted for the convenience
of sectarians, will be able to banish it from the
preference of those who, not being sectarians, are
not necessitated to relinquish it. To the thoughtless
it makes the tie more sacred and more serious, and
hence is not so likely to be lightly undertaken ;
and when undertaken, not so lightly held in esti-
mation.

Previously to the statute 26 George II. c. 83., the
simple fact of two persons associating together for
a time, constituted a marriage in this country, and
was so recognized by the common law : this statute,
however, was enacted to ensure a greater degree
of security to the parties contracting than such a
negligent practice enforced, to secure their several
interests with greater certainty, and to remove the
evils arising out of such negligence. This statute,
notwithstanding, says Richard Mathews, Esq. of the
Middle Temple, barrister at law, and so forth, " com-
mitted the palpable error of permitting the solemni-
zation of matrimony only by the clergy of the esta-
blished Church, in facie ecclesia ; an error which has
been handed down through a series of enactments to
the present time, and only now about to be abro-
gated." That is to say, abrogated by the recent act
of 6 & 7 WilUam IV. c. 85.

Albeit this recent law does not compel persons,
as heretofore by the former compelled, to repair to

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 127

the altar ; still there is something about the ceremony
so imposing and so solemn, that it is difficult for the
mind to be persuaded to consider it in any other
light than in a religious one. " The opinions which
have divided the world/' says another man of law,
" or writers, at least, on this subject, are generally
two ; — it is held by some persons that marriage is a
contract merely civil ; by others that it is a sacred,
religious, and spiritual contract, and only so to be
considered." According to my Lord Stowell, it is
neither one nor the other, or both ; it is more than
either, or peradventure more than both. *' Accord-
ing to juster notions of the nature of the marriage
contract, it is not merely a civil or religious contract ;
at the present time it is not to be considered as,
originally and simply, one or the other."

Again, in another place, says the same noble and
learned lord : — " In the Christian church, marriage
was elevated in a later age to the dignity of a sacra-
ment, in consequence of its divine' institution, and
of some expressions of high and mysterious import
respecting it contained in the sacred writings. The
law of the church — the canon law — (a system which,
in spite of its absurd pretentions to a higher origin,
is, in many of its provisions, deeply enough founded
in the wisdom of man), although, in conformity to
the prevailing theological opinion, it reverenced mar-
riage as a sacrament, still so far respected its natural
and civil origin as to consider, that where the na-
tural and civil contract was formed, it had the full
essence of matrimony, without the intervention of

128 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

a priest ; it had even in that state the character of
a sacrament : for it is a misapprehension to suppose
that this intervention was required as a matter of
necessity, even for that purpose, before the Council
of Trent. It appears from the histories of that
Council, as well as from many other authorities,
that this was the state of the earlier law till that
council passed its decree for the reformation of mar-
riage : the consent of two parties, expressed in words
of present mutual acceptance, constituted an actual
and legal marriage, technically known by the name
of sponsalta per verba de presentt — improperly enough,
because sponsalta in the original and classical mean-
ing of the words, are preliminary ceremonials of
marriage."

Another learned man of law, and one of her ma-
jesties counsel, in commenting on the above, says : —
" It is to be noticed, that these observations, though
general in their tenor, were made in a case in which
the marriage in issue did not depend upon the
rules of English law, but in the case of a marriage
contracted in Scotland [of course Gretna Green, for
Scotland is not Scotland without Gretna], which was
to be decided therefore by the rules of the law pre-
vailing in that country."

We know we have power now to enter into " the
holy estate" independently of clerical co-operation
and clerical blessing — (but what will now make it
"holy" when such adjuncts are wanting?) we know
that there are such personages as superintendent
registrars, and such places as superintendent regis-

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 129

trars' offices, but so wedded are the English, as a
nation, to the love of Mother Church in these mat-
ters, that, with few exceptions, and those mostly
arising out of necessity, they cannot voluntarily wed
under any other roof than a groined one, with a
" dim religious light "" falling upon them.

Let not the ultra high church in principle rashly
declare that the recent statute has been enacted
either in defiance of conscience or neglect of all
religion ; but rather as a measure of charity, and
consideration, and Christian tolerance to those who
do not (we hope conscientiously) think as we do
in the matter of our creed and tenets : — as a mea-
sure enacted to meet the scruples of the many dif-
ferent sects of Christians who, in a land of liberty,
are entitled to freedom of opinion and exemption
from persecution : — as a measure enacted to prevent
their being driven to Gretna Green to be married,
as they complained the rigidity of the old law com.
pelled them to do.

Our Anglo-Saxon forefathers considered the inter-
vention of a priest necessary — a presumption that
they considered the ceremony in a religious point
of view; and, with certain exceptions, superinduced
rather from circumstances than choice, so also have
the majority of their descendants in this country.
Clandestine marriages, however, had become some-
what prevalent with the less scrupulous on the Con-
tinent ; and to correct this practice. Pope Innocent
III. issued bulls enforcing it under severe denuncia-
tions that the contract should be entered upon in the

130 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

church — in facie ecclesia, so that all men might
witness thereto. Indeed, this said innocent Pope
is reputed to have been amongst the first who pro-
claimed the ceremony in a holy light ; for before
his time it had been looked upon merely as a civil
transaction.

During the middle ages in our own country it was
not the custom to be wedded before the altar in the
church as now, but to stand at the church door
during the greater part of the ceremony. The way
appears to have been, for the bride aud bridegroom
to come up to one of the principal entrances of the
building, " with their friends and neighbours," where
they met the priest, and where he asked them cer-
tain prescribed questions, and duly commenced the
service as the rubric directed. At'the proper place
also he joined their hands (supposing their hearts
to have already been joined before), calling upon
them to love, and to cherish, and so forth, as is
quaintly described in some ancient missals which refer
respectively to the cathedrals of Hereford and Salis-
bury. The dos ad ostium ecclesia, there at the porch,
was likewise bestowed upon the bride before they
quitted their stand ; but when the priest came to
that part which is now followed by his turning to
the altar and repeating the psalm, they all ascended
the steps, and walked towards the eastern extremity
of the edifice, where his blessing was given to the
newly married couple.

We are told by Warton, that on the southern
facade of Norwich Cathedral there is a sculpture

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 131

in stone setting forth the espousals or saci*ament of
marriage according to this old English custom, but
we have not had an opportunity of seeing it ourselves.
If, also, we may believe the representation of a rare
engraving by Mr. Walpole, we may conclude that
this mode of procedure was not confined to the
humble, the poor, or the inferior in degree, but that
the noble, and even the royal submitted to it. This
engraving shows us King Henry VII. together with
his queen and a group of courtiers, standing together
at the western portico of a Gothic cathedral, where
the shaven and stoled ecclesiastics are about to cele-
brate the union of these two Roses of York and
Lancaster.

Geoffroi Chaucer alludes to this same usage in
speaking of the " Wife of Bath." He says, —

" She was a worthy woman all her live,
Husbands at the church door she had had five."

Sir William Blackstone tells us, in speaking of
" Dower ad ostium ecclesta,"" when a man endowed
his wife with his worldly goods, even there at the
church door, that the custom was to ascertain and
specify minutely, with a clear voice, the amount of
his lands about to be conferred upon her : and in
discoursing of certain other species of dower, he sets
forth how it was enforced, that they be thus publicly
bestowed to prevent fraud — in fine, that they be
made in facie ecclesia et ad ostium ecclesite : non enim
talent facta in lecto mortali, nee in camera aut alibi vbi
clandestina fuere conj'ugia.

13^ ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

In the middle ages, at such times when the feudal
system of tenures of frank-tenement and knight ser-
vice were at their most universal pitch of prevalence,
the husband was not permitted to endow his wife
ad ostium ecclesite with more than one-third part of
the lands whereof he was at that time seized, albeit,
he might endow her with as much less as he pleased :
and the reason of such a law was, that if more liberal
endowments had been allowed, the generous husband
might injure his superior baron, of whom he held his
fee or territory.

* By this it is plain to see, that, husbands (always
tender) are more especially so at such moments than
at any other .moments of their lives, — so \ery tender,
and so very generous to their sweet wives, that their
generosity was obliged to be restricted by law, lest
they should ruin themselves by giving away the utter-
most of their, possessions.

The priest inquired of him what he gave his bride ?
and if it were lands, an appropriate part of the service
was repeated — *^ sdcerdos interroget dotem multeris ;
et si terra ei in dotem detur tunc dicatur psalmus istt^""
&c. He described the nature of the gift, — " quod
dotat earn de tali manerio cum pertinentiis^'' — and when
he did so — *' uhi quis uxorem suam dotaverit in gene-
rali, de omnibus terris et tenementis^'''' he repeated the
words, " with all my lands and tenements I thee
endow." When, however, he endowed her with per-
sonalty only, he said, " with all my worldly goods,
(or, as the Salisbury ritual has it, with all my worldly
chatel) I thee endow ; which entitled her to her thirds.

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 133

or pars rationalibis of his personal estate, as is provid-
ed for in Magna Charta.

According to Tacitus, who wrote about the prac-
tices of the Germans many and many centuries ago,
the ancient ladies of that nation — or rather the ladies
of that ancient nation— enjoyed great privileges in
the matter of marriage settlements, entered upon and
stipulated, not at the church door forsooth, when the
execution was half over, but at their own homes
before they had so much as commenced any part of
the business. Caius Julius Caesar also sets forth
how shrewdly the Gauls drew out cunning documents
betwixt each other in negetiations of a like sort :
wherefore, good reader, it is rational to, suppose that
they had no Gretna Green- to go to,' since at Gretna
these things are, for the most part, done with expedi-
tion, and often without the tedious process of achiev-
ing un poetic parchments. No one does q, thing tardily
at Gretna, no one moves slowly, no one stops to ques-
tion, no one stays to reflect, it is all expedition there,
all lightning, all wildfire : and thus it is, that as they
mostly so well manage to " marry in haste," they
sometimes also now and then manage to " repent at
leisure "*' afterwards, when they have time to look
round them and cool.

Dr. Granville tells us that it is the custom in
Saint Petersburgh for the young candidates to
assemble at the church door, much after the manner
of our great-grandsires in Britain, it should appear ;
and here they were met by a priest vestured in rich
habiliments, attended by a deacon. The former then

134 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

placed a lighted taper in tlie hands of each, made the
sign of the cross three several times on their foreheads,
and conducted them through the church direct to the
altar. As they proceeded, the priest, assisted by the
choristers, recited a litany, whilst other holy function-
aries smoked them pretty dry with the fumes of
incense. Arrived at the eastern extremity of the
building, two rings were produced, which were laid
upon a table ; the priest turned to the altar, recited a
prayer or invocation, and then, veering round again to
the young tremblers, blessed the rings, and delivered
them to those whom it might concern. Whilst they
held them, he cried with a loud voice, " Now and for
ever, even unto ages of ages." This declaration he
repeated three times, the bride and bridegroom ex-
changing rings at each repetition. This was not all :
the rings were once more delivered to the cure, who
now having crossed the foreheads of the future wearers,
himself placed them on the right-hand fore-finger of
each. He then turned to the altar to read the re-
mainder of the service, during which allusion was
made to the several passages in the Bible wherein the
ring is mentioned as the symbol of union, honour, and
power.

The most critical, interesting, but nervous part of
the whole affair next followed. The priest took both
parties by the hand, and led them to a silken carpet
that was spread for the purpose, and it is the stead-
fast belief, that whichever shall first step thereon, will
enjoy the mastery over the other throughout life ;
and in this instance the lady was fully alive to the

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 135

securing of her own interests, for Dr. Granville addst
" the bride secured possession of this prospective ad-
vantage with modest forwardness."

A more ancient way of securing the same great
good, is mentioned by Anthony Jenkinson, who was
in Russia about the middle of the sixteenth century.
He is describing what happens in the church after they
have been actually united.

" They begin to drinke ; and fyrst the woman
drinketh to the man, and when he hath drunke, he
letteth the cupp fall to the ground, hasting im-
mediatelie to tread vppon yt : and soe doth she, and
whether of them tread fyrst vppon yt must have the
victorie, and bee master at alle tymes after, whiche
commonlie happeneth to the man, for he is readiest to
set his foot vppon yt, because he letteth yt falle."

The lady has gained by the change of times ; for
her chances of securing a place on the rug are as good
as his.

Surely the fairer moiety of creation must be pos-
sessed of a most ambitious temperament — surely this
moiety must be innately indued with the qualities
that cause personages of great genius, like balloons, to
be ever striving towards ascent — surely these gentle
creatures in England have universally adopted, or are
ready born with that article of dress about them,
which, setting aside all the nonsense of stepping upon
rugs, of stamping upon drinking cups, will secure to a
wife the supremacy ; for albeit nothing be visible to
the impertinent eye but a nice neat little white lace
frill round the ankle, yet that little harmless looking

136 ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

frill is enough to warn the reflecting and the conside-
rate of how great an engine of power is really attached
to it, although in inscrutable concealment.

Matrimonial dominion is not to be attained through
the previous act of a feat of agility or of legerdemain,
but by a course of subsequent forbearance mutually
urged . and reciprocated the one towards the other ;
and this forbearance more especially enforced during
the first year ; for after that time, the forbearance, at
first a duty, will have become a habit, natural and
easy to follow.

" Man and wife are equally concerned to avoid all
offences of each other in the beginning of their con-
versation ;" says the worthy Jeremy Taylor : " every
little thing can blast an infant blossom, and the breath
of the south can shake the little rings of the vine,
when first they begin to curl like the locks of a new-
weaned boy : but when, by age and consolidation,
they stiffen into the hardness of a stem, and have, by
the warm embraces of the sun and the kisses of
heaven, brought forth their clusters, they can endure
the storms of the north, and the loud noises of a
tempest, and yet never be broken. So are the early
unions of an unfixed marriage ; watchful and obser-
vant, jealous and busy, inquisitive and careful, and
apt to take alarm at every unkind word ; for infir-
mities do not manifest themselves in the first scenes,
but in the succession of long society ; and it is not
chance or weakness when it appears at first, but it is
want of love or prudence, or it will be so expounded ;
and that which appears ill at first, usually affrights

ANCIENT MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 137

the inexperienced man or woman, who makes unequal
conjectures, and fancies mighty sorrows by the new
and early unkindness."

These are excellent words, and deserving of a second
reading: happy those who will store them up and
abide by them. If we can only get over the first
year in peace, the way is smooth afterwards.

138 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE.

CHAPTER X.

Essay on Marriage.

When you have read this chapter through,

With most attentive brains,
We think it probable that you

Will knowr what it contains.

The Hon. Mrs. Norton declares that men are
sadly degenerated since the days of Adam. We can-
not tarry to investigate this opinion now, but as the
gifted lady has often said so many good and true
things, we are inclined to pay all deference to her
assertions.

The old established code on the subject of matri-
mony, she observes too, is founded on the superior
intelligence, wisdom, and perfectibility, supposed to
distinguish the male sex from the female ; and which,
in the days of the aforesaid Adam, she devoutly be-
lieves, really did distinguish it. In this she coincides
with John Milton, who, as Johnson remarked, never
in his writings omits an opportunity of asserting such
superiority. Milton's motive for this, however, was
not altogether a thoroughly amiable one ; for he was
a little bit of a misogamist, and held the intellects of

E8SAT ON MARRIAGE. 139

the fairer moiety of creation at a lamentably cheap
rate. This will not be wondered at by those who
read his biography ; particularly when it is remem-
bered that his acquaintances used to allow that he
had not a gentle or accommodating temper in his
private relations.

It is a sad thing that we should seek to cast de-
traction upon those whom we love not, or with whom
we have fallen at jars ; yet it is very certain, that if
any circumstance makes us quarrel with our neigh-
bours, we are immediately disposed to find out and
cast against them a hundred faults, which before then
we had overlooked or connived at. And if we can
do thus Avith individuals, so also, by extending the
same principle, we can do it in regard to a whole
race ; wherefore Milton, who had enough to do in
maintaining over his first wife such a measure of
authority as so rigid a lord of the creation thought
compatible, extended his maxims of matrimonial do-
mination which he exercised over his refractory part-
ner, to all husbands to be exercised by them over all
their wives.

He never omits an opportunity, as we have said,
of letting the reader know that Adam belonged to
the superior sex ; but if it really were, as Mrs. Nor-
ton believes, that Adam had the advantage of Eve in
certain mental attributes, still we are of opinion,
living in this modern day, that many women do now
exist whose wits tower high above the wits of many
men their contemporaries.

What think ye of this ladies? what think ye?

140 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE.

Why, we will answer the question for you. You
say that we are right — very good.

In adverting to the greater intelligence of the one
sex over the other, it is remarked, that the acknow-
ledgment of this fact was instrumental in the peculiar
framing of the marriage code ; a code wherein one
clause sets forth how that the inferior shall obey the
superior, and no where that the superior shall obey
the inferior, because that would be foolish indeed, as
every one must allow.

But Mrs. N. declares that men are sadly dege-
nerate since the passing of this bill ; and does not
say that women have degenerated in an equal degree,
a circumstance which, if positively found to be true,
will completely turn the balance of intellect. We
confess, too, that we have in some sort agreed with
her above, where we have said that many women do
now exist, whose wits tower high above the wits of
many men their contemporaries ; an admission which
goes far to admit that one half the world has gone
down in the scale of perfectibility, but that the other
has thus necessarily ascended, — in eifect, if not in
reality.

In this state of things it were almost necessary
that the said code be altered to suit present facts — a
course which would not be preposterous in its way,
for all the ancient statutes of the realm require modi-
fication now and then, as times go on and consti-
tutions change. And so, the herein-before-mentioned
authoress continues, that, " even the pious composers

ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 141

of the marriage ceremony would allow, that it is diffi-
cult, if not impossible, for the woman to love one who
constantly neglects or ill-treats his helpmate ; to
honour a fool, a gamester, a liar; or to obey one
whose commands seem more the result of temporary
insanity than of reason and judgment." This is
pretty strong language ; and yet it must be very
difficult for a woman to love or obey any man who
is all or any of these.

But she does not spare her own sex ; for she fur-
ther says, that it would be hard for a man to love
and cherish a creature whose sonl is in her looking-
glass, and whose pledged hand is oftener clasped in
that of some whispering coxcomb than in his own.
In this, as a man, we declare she is most perfectly
right : indeed, it is certain she never spoke truer
words in all her life.

" Where there is only an ordinary show of gentle
usage on one side, a grateful feeling will soon be en-
gendered on the other ; and so also, where a system
of neglect, coolness, or estrangement is commenced
by the one party, the other will not be long in taking
up a similar course, and that too in a more super-
lative degree.

" On the other hand, it is certain that women are
affectionate by nature, and are easily won by kind-
ness ; that attention without jealousy, indulgence
without carelessness, firmness without tyranny, will
change an indifferent and reluctant bride into a de-
voted and excellent wife.""

142 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE.

This is very well said — very well indeed ; we have
read many a worse passage in our day.

But it is a most wearisome task to essay to fight
one"'s way into the affections of another who is averse ;
to enact a long-continued series of attentions when
they are not welcomed, under the hope that they will
be welcomed eventually ; and that is the reason why
men will not take the trouble to change an indifferent
and reluctant bride into the devoted and excel-
lent wife, which such (at first) forced attentions might
accomplish.

We rather prefer giving way to our evil passions,
than being at the pains of conciliating ; we would
liefer return a short answer than a soft one, such as
would turn away wrath ; and we love better to
contradict and bicker, than we do to explain and
apologise.

We are so jealous of our little authority, that we
will tyrannise overmuch and unwarrantably, sooner
than appear to give in ; and where we find a man
who has somewhat of the Miltonian spirit in him, —
that is, who is a great stickler for the superiority of
his own sex, this unyielding pertinacity for the main-
tenance of the supposed natural right is pushed to
its greatest verge.

Pride, in numberless instances, is the cause of this
obstinacy. It is wounding to the man's pride to
succumb to the woman, if he is one of this school ;
for, to allow that he was mistaken in judgment as to
the event of any negotiation wherein it required an ex-
ercise of the mental qualities to form that judgment.

ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 145

or to allow that he has made a false guess, wherein
the same powers were exercised, would be to allow
that his mental faculties in this instance at least,
were inferior to hers, supposing that her opinion
as to the end of the negotiation, or her guess on any
matter of surmise, has turned out the more correct.
In such a position, he will argue for half an hour
to prove that she is positively wrong, aud he, of
course, positively right ; or, if this would be too
palpable, he will explain away his own defeat so
as to make it appear he was not so very far out
after all.

Owing to his better knowledge of the world, he
can often bring stronger sophisms to his aid than
she can to hers, and these he will not hesitate to
seize on, if, in the first place, he has too much
ill-nature to conciUate, and if, in the second, not
honour enough to give the merit where the merit is
due.

We believe this to be the secret why literary men
are averse to literary wives ; they are afraid of en-
countering too sturdy an opponent. Byron very
much disliked learned ladies, and sought every occa-
sion to quiz them. They are very dehghtful to meet
as friends, and talk to now and then, when one is
in a rational mood ; but to make them wives is
bringing them too near to our frailties, and giving
them an opportunity of peering too minutely into
the real amount of our ability. A man of ordinary
intellect may pass for cleverer than he is for an
evening, in the society of the most gifted and well-

144 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE.

informed woman, but, as a wife, she might not be long
in discovering his true level ; and albeit he has pride
enough to think not meanly of himself, still, not
having had the means of discovering what the actual
amount of her acquirements may be, he is fearful
lest she should prove too clever for him.

But the man who is thus afraid, pays neither her
or himself any compliment ; he indirectly tells her
that he believes she would abuse her power of mind
over him, and that is not saying that she is amiable,
for we know that the amiable and the generous
do not cultivate their talents for the sake of tyran-
nising over weaker intellects, but for the sake of
being able to do them greater services. He pays
no compliment to himself either; for, by the act
of shunning genius in a partner, and seeking imbe-
cility, he infers that he is blindly seeking to estar
blish his own authority, in a way, we may add, that
does not speak much for his own magnanimity.

Great minds are never afraid of great minds. It
in only nan-ow minds, puiFed up with a little learning,
— which, as Pope says, is a dangerous thing, — who
are self-conceited upon what they think they know,
that dread being brought to their true standing, in
an intellectual conflict with others. Such minds
cannot bear to come in contact with an equal, much
more a superior ; and, therefore, in order to avoid
such contact, will rather associate with that which
they believe to be beneath them. He who associates
with the little, appears to them to be great ; and
thence his vanity is fed, and his pride is in no danger

ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 145

of being wounded, and hence many men of some
book learning, but who are not generous of heart,
will endeavour to mate themselves with women of
spiritless souls, or of uncultivated understanding.

Then the aforesaid accomplished writer cries out
vehemently upon Miss Martineau divers times for
help. She laments, wisely, that the considerations
of a worldly interest, instead of the unsophisticated
desires of a beautiful affection, should so often bring
young people together. Alas ! then, for the marriage
ceremony ; alas ! for the rules of right and wrong ;
and alas ! for the simplicity of those ages, now fled
and gone, wherein our unluxurious ancestors, who
looked not for equipages and a sideboard of plate,
married from choice of the object selected, and not
for the rich paraphernalia hoped to be got by the
speculation.

" The pure and simple laws which our fathers
framed, were made for pure and simple days, when
young heart met young heart, and melted into one,
and people married because they preferred one an-
other to the whole world." Those were times !

We have elsewhere laughed at the good old times,
but we fear we may have been precipitate.

" Help me, Miss Martineau ! What is there in
improvement and civilization, which so roughens the
road of life, by placing heaps of gold in one place,
and blank poverty in another .''

*' Help me, Miss Martineau ! What is there in
the present state of society which obliges young
women to marry, as the easiest and most dignified

VOL. II. H

146 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE.

manner of procuring a subsistence, and makes young
men eager about heiresses, in order to discharge
debts contracted on the turf?"

Good heavens ! Mrs. Norton, is the house on fire ?
For gracious sake, Miss Martineau, come and render
your assistance immediately.

We agree with the lady who calls so loud, that
the greater number of young couples do not come
together for the sake of being companions or help-
mates, but because the thirst of rank or riches, ambi-
tion or pique ! have joined them ; and hence, after
such a junction, it is not marvellous that they should
care little about each other''s society.

" When Mrs. Bouverie ran away with her penni-
less husband, and married him at Gretna Green,
(Gretna Green, quoth a ?) as much from love of the
frolic as love of the man, she acted upon impulse;
but having her own reasons in later life for disap-
proving of such motives of action, she had avowed
that she never would^ and it was her boast that she
never did, do anything without a plan.'' Oh, Mrs.
Bouverie !

We should like to know how Mrs. Bouverie's
match turned out. She did not marry for money,
therefore she was not sordid and avaricious ; and if
she married as much for the frolic of going to
Gretna as for love of her bridegroom, why, she
must have been a funny, larking, merry girl to have
done it.

By the latter member of the above sentence, at
such time when she had attained to a discreeter age,

J«

ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 147

she seems to have come more to her senses, and we
are almost disposed to assume that her case forms
another exemplification of our well-chosen motto.
That she " married in haste " is boldly avowed ; and
that she *' repented at leisure '' may be inferred from
her dignified disapproval of such motives of action.
The wisdom of a measure is shown by its events ;
and a precipitate undertaking has but little assurance
of success.

148 THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

CHAPTER XI.

The New Marriage Act.

We now minutely analyse

The recent Marriage Act ;
Reject all fiction, all surmise,

And stick to stubborn fact.

If it be argued, that the facihtating of the marriage
ceremony will lead the rash and the inconsiderate
to make unwise connexions, the recent Act may be
supposed to conduce to that end. Against this, it
may be stated, that the compulsory enactments of
Lord Hardwicke"'s bill, and of the bills of other states-
men, did not always bring about wise marriages.

If people choose to marry, they will marry ; and
no power on earth can stop them. It is the same
with people who are bent on committing suicide : if
you take from them one means of doing so, they will
forthwith seek out another. People choose to go
and jump off the Monument, and dash their brains
out on the pavement : it is ordered that iron bars be
put up, so as to prevent them — but they then go and
jump off London Bridge. Well, pull down London

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT. 149

Bridge, cry the philanthropists, and you will be
doing a Christian act : no, they will laugh at you,
and jump oiF St. PauPs. Pull down St. Paul's, and
they will leap off Shakspere''s, or some other cliff.
Level all the. cliffs in the country, and they will
throw themselves into wells. Fill up the wells,
they will hang themselves with their garters. Abolish
garters for ever, they will plunge into the Serpentine.
Drain the Serpentine, they will drown themselves
in the Thames. Cover over the Thames with brick-
work— never mind spoiling the trade of London — and
they will directly rush into the ocean. Fill up the
ocean with the cliffs you levelled — you can^ it's
too big : besides, if you could, you would fail in
deterring people from committing suicide, if they
were determined on it. Supposing you dried up all
the rivers and oceans to prevent their drowning them-
selves ; if you levelled all the trees, buildings, and
hills, and make the whole world one dead plain, so
that they should have nothing to jump from to dash
their brains out ; and if you stripped them of all
their habiliments whatsoever, by which they could
not hang themselves with their neck-handkerchiefs,
garters, or stay-laces, still they could beat their
heads against the ground that they trod on, or stran-
gle themselves with their own fingers.

Thus it is vvith people who are resolved on matri-
mony ; and thus it is, that although Lord Hardwicke
forbade every one in England, except Jews and
Quakers, to marry anywhere but in the church,
before proper witnesses, he did not prevent their

150 THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

going to Gretna Green. Being balked in one quarter,
they resorted, like the suicides, to another ; and had
any member of the House introduced a bill for abolish-
ing the facilities of Gretna, people would soon have
found out some other manner of accomplishing their
purpose elsewhere.

This being the state of affairs, it was considered
necessary to revise the laws bearing thereon ; to take
into deliberation the extent of good or evil which
they encouraged ; to further promote the good, but
to obviate the evil ; to introduce a more generous
toleration towards dissenters and foreigners professing
strange creeds — a desirable measure in a country
boasting equal rights and freedom to every one alike
— and thus to afford convenience and ease of con-
science to each individual, whether permanently or
temporarily dwelhng in this land.

By the enactment of the recent marriage act of
1837, the provisions of all the long list of former ones
— from Pope Innocent III. down to the statutes of
the Georges — have been either entirely swept away,
or re-modified. By this act a person may be married
in a church by a clergyman, or else by entering into
an agreement in a registered building, or at the
Superintendent Registrar*'s office ; or again, by most
especial licence, at any time and in any place whatso-
ever it may seem meet and convenient.

Special licences are granted by the Archbishop of
Canterbury. By virtue of stat. 25 Henry VIII., c.
21., this high dignitary and his successors are em-
powered to dispense such obligations to the needy,

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT. 151

either immediately from bis office, or else from Doc-
tors'' Commons, or from the Faculty office in Knight-
rider-street ; at either of which places they may be
procured. The privilege of marrying in this way
is usually restricted to persons of a certain station ;
and Archbishop Seeker, in 1757, ordered it that such
privileges should be granted only to peers and peer-
esses in their own right, dowager peeresses, privy
councillors, the judges of Westminster Hall, baronets,
knights, and M.P.'s; but this regulation does not bar
the favour being given to others of less rank, if it shall
seem fitting. The same form in obtaining this licence
is observed as in that which exempts from publication
of banns ; only it is particularly mentioned that the
ceremony may be performed, " at any time, in any
church or chapel, or other meet or convenient place.'"

The Anglo-Saxons did not celebrate weddings in
their churches, but at the house of the bridegroom,
whereunto the bride had been conducted ; and it
was customary to consider this as a civil contract
only, and one not requiring any religious intervention,
until Innocent III. ordered it otherwise, in the excess
of his innocence.

By the recent marriage act of 6 and 7 Will. IV.
cap. 85., which has been further explained and con-
firmed by her present most gracious Majesty in
1 Victoria, cap. 22, it is enacted, that those who
purpose entering the holy estate, must attend to and
go through a ceitain routine of proceeding. If they
intend to be united by licence, and according to
the rubric of the established church, the parties must

152

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

send to the superintendent registrar of the district in
which he or she has dwelt during seven days pre-
viously, and give him a notice of their purpose ac-
cording to the form following : —

Notice of Marriage.

To the Registrar of the District of Hendon, in the County of
Middlesex. I hereby give you notice, that a Marriage is intended
to be had, within three calendar months from the date hereof,
between me and the other party herein named and described ;
(that is to say,)

i

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District or County in which

the other party resides

when the parties dwell in

different Districts.

Jamen
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Widow,
er.

Carpen-
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0/full

Age.

16 High
Street,

23
Days.

Sion
Chapel,
West
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Hendon,
Middle-
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Tonbridge,
Kent.

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Green. fP^^<^

Minor.

Grove
Farm.

More
than a
Month.

Witness my hand, this sixth day of May, 1842,

(Signed) James Smith.

The reader will observe that the italics are to be
filled up as the case may be. No charge is made
for giving in this notice, simply because it is not any
certification of a deed done, but only the advertise-
ment of a deed proposed to be done at some future
understood time ; that is, within the space of three

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

153

months and a week after the sending in of this notice.
It is requisite, however, to have this duly registered
in a book kept by the officer for that purpose, and his
fee for so doing is the sum of one shilHng lawful
money of this realm. Then, after the expiration of
seven days, one of the parties must appear perso7ialli/
before the superintendent within whose district the
marriage is intended to be solemnized, and make
oath or affirmation to the effect that no impediment
exists to the said marriage. For doing this, the fee
of half-a-crown is demanded. This done, the follow-
ing certificate is procured, on payment of the sum of
one shillinsr more. To wit :

Registrar's Certificate.

I, John Cox, Registrar of the District of Stepnexf, in the County of
Middlesex, do hereby certify, that on the $ixth day of May, notice
was duly entered, in the Marriage Notice Book of the said Dis-
trict, of the marriage intended between the parties herein named
and described, delivered under the hand of Javies Smith, one of the
parties : (that is to say,)

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hich

here

di

u *

a» s

Jamet

Widow-

Of/uU

16, High

33

Sion

Smith.

er.

tor.

Agt.

Street.

Day*.

Chapel,
We»t

Street,

Tonb ridge.

Strptiev

Kent.

Martha
Green.

SpinMter.

Minor.

Grove
Farm.

More
than a
Month.

Middle-
sex.

1

H 5

Ih4> THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

Date of Notice entered, \ • r- i,

6th of May 1842. | The issue of this certificate has not

Date of Certificate given, ( ^^en forbidden by any person autho-
27th of May, 1842. J rized to forbid the issue thereof.

Witness my hand ; this Twenty-seventh, day of Ma^, one thousand
eight hundred and Jbrty-two.

(Signed) John Cox, Registrar.

This certificate will be void unless the marriage is solemnized
on or before the sixth day of August, 1842.

The above certificate is printed in red ink — a fact
whicti the law enforces for certificates with licence,
and the word "Licence," must be laid or manufactured
in Roman letters in the substance of the paper.

The names of James Smith and Martha Green,
together with the other words in italics filling the
different compartments, have just been added as
noms de guerre, as they were in the example from
which this was taken ; but in the certificate which
you are yourself about to procure, these spaces will
be left blank, and you will fill them up with your
own name, the name of your adorable, and the places
of your several abodes. Sic. Be not terrified, gentle
swain, from matrimony, because you have all these
perplexing forms to attend to, nor be discouraged
because you have to undergo so much trouble ; for
remember, that if your lady-love is worth getting,
she is worth all this trouble, and ten times more.

You must now go to the superintendent regis-
trar yourself, — for no proxy will do — and present him
with the certificate as afore, supposing no notice of
your loving intention has already been given him,
and he will let you have a marriage licence, after

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT. 155

the manner of that which we subjoin below. For
this licence he will charge £3.^ and to which
may be added ten shillings for the stamp upon it,
making £3 10s., together with a few more ex-
penses, which we will presently explain, in all amount-
ing to =£^4 4s. 6d. And for this paltry sum you will
be bound to a lady whose worth in virtue, grace,
and beauty, will amount to riches unspeakable —
whose fascinations will be above the calculations
of all arithmetic — whose wit will perpetually engage
you with the most enticing sallies — whose ravishing
charms will keep your pulse always at 150 — and
whose incessant acts of untiring affection will never
let your feelings subside below the state of absolute
rapture. — Don't you long to be married ?

Licence of Marriage.

A.B., superintendent registrar of to C, D. [bridegroom^t

name]o{ and E. F. [irwfc's name'] of sendeth - greets

ing.

Whereas ye are minded, as it is said, to enter into a contract of
marriage under the provisions of an act made in the seventh- year
of the reign of His Majesty King William the Fourth, intitled [here
the title of this act is inserted,] and are desirous that the same may
be speedily and publicly solemnized : and whereas you, CD. [or you
E.F., whichever parti/ appears before the registrar] have made and
subscribed a declaration, under your hand, that you believe there is
no impediment of kindred or alliance, or other lawful hinderance to
the said marriage, and that you, C. D. [or E. F.] have had your
usual place of abode for the space of fifteen days last past within

the district of , and that you C. D. [or E. F.] not being awidow-

er [or widow], are under the age of twenty-one years, and that the
consent of G.H., whose consent to your marriage is required by
law, has been obtained thereto, [or, that there is no person having

156 THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

authority to give such consent,] I do hereby grant unto you full
licence, according to the authority in that behalf given to me by
the said act, to proceed to solemnize such marriage, and to the
registrar of the district, [here is inserted the name of the district in
which it is to be solemnized,^ to register such marriage according
to law ; provided that the said marriage be publicly solemnized in
the presence of the said registrar and of two witnesses within three
calendar months from the [here is inserted the date of the entry in
the notice book of the superintendent registrary'\ in the [here is de-
scribed the building in which it is to take place,^ between the hours
of eight and twelve in the forenoon. Given under my hand, this

day of One thousand eight hundred and forty.

(Signed) A. B.
Superintendent Registrar.

Such is the licence.

And now, oh ! most amorous swain, having thus
paved the way through preliminaries, it only remains
for you to take your bride to church, where the
form is gone through as laid down in the prayer-
book, which you have read from beginning to end
long ere this, and doubtless so also has she. We
will venture to say that her book readily and spon-
taneously falls open at " The Solemnization," &c.,
for all young ladies' prayer-books do ; and why should
she be different from others of her sweet sex .'' except
that in your eyes she is more devoted, more warm,
more passionate, and more loving ; and all which
attributes, forsooth, will indeed render her the more
likely to have done so.

£

t.

d.

0

1

0

0

1

0

3

0

0

0

10

0

0

2

6

0

10

0

4

4

6

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT. 157

The fee for marrying you will be ten shillings;
80 that your expenses stand as under : —

For entering the notice
For obtaining the certificate
For the licence ....
Stamp on the licence
Stamp on the affidavit, or oath
To the registrar, for attending at and
registering the marriage

Total

If these be all the absolutely legal expenses of the
affair, it is, nevertheless, not impossible but certain
customary and incidental ones might, peradventure,
be added thereunto : but what then .'* we have hinted
at the unspeakable wealth in virtue and grace that
your bride will bring you — the comparison is odious :
we have heard about throwing a herring to catch
a whale ; but now you are throwing a few paltry
pounds to catch a bride.

Such as intend being married by banns, will pro-
ceed as heretofore, the new law having made no
alteration in the mode of doing it : their expenses
in this case will be these : —

£ t. d.
For entering the banns . . .016

To the clerg}'man, on the marriage . 0 5 0
To the clerk, on the marriage . .030

Total 0 9 6
But those who intend not to be married by special

158 THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT.

licence, nor by licence as above, nor by banns, but
by a clergyman, can procure a certificate as before
for one shilling; on presenting which to the clergy-
man, he will accommodate them ; that certificate suffi-
ciently assuring him that they are not acting illegally
or clandestinely. They must give notice to the
superintendent registrar as already mentioned, and
pay a shilling for having it entered in the book,
and must then wait twenty-one days (instead of seven)
before they can get the certificate of him ; and the
fee at the time of the marriage, instead of ten shil'
lings, will be five.

The following, then, are the expenses of being
wedded by certificate without banns : —

Entering the notice ....

Ditto for wife, if she lives in another district

The certificate

To the clergyman . . . .

Total

To those persons, not being of the Church of
England, or to those who choose to make the ceremony
only a civil contract, and not a religious sacrament,
the statute provides differently. They give the no-
tice as before; wait twenty-one days; procure the
certificate ; and then they proceed to some regis-
tered building, or the superintendenfs office, together
with two creditable persons who shall act as wit-
nesses ; and there, with open doors, between eight

£

s.

d.

0

1

0

0

1

0

0

1

0

0

6

0

0

8

0

THE NEW MARRIAGE ACT. 159

and twelve in the forenoon, they make the following
declaration : —

" I do solemnly declare that I know not of any
lawful impediment why I, A. B., may not be joined
in matrimony to C. D."

The woman then repeats the same words, only
altering the order of the names. Each of the parties
also says thus reciprocally to the other : —

" I call upon these persons here present to witness
that I, A. B., do take thee, C. D.," [or that I,
C. D., do take thee, A. B.] •« to be my lawful
wedded wife," [or husband.]

The entry is then made in the register book,
signed by the parties, the two witnesses, and the
registrar, the fee for so doing being five shillings.

This last mode of proceeding is vastly like a
Gretna marriage.

The indulgent reader must excuse us for having
gossipped thus much about the New Marriage Act
of England ; but we have done so that he or she
may understand the law and the custom here, and
by so understanding, be the better able to perceive
what differences obtain north of the Tweed, or in
our case, north of the Sark, to which locality we
will now transfer our discussions with all reasonable
expedition.

160 RIVALRY OF

CHAPTER XII.

Rivalry of the Gretna Priests.

The practices of Gretna priests,

Where each is each one's rival ;
And how they fight like savage beasts

For every new arrival.

A RECENT talented author has given some excel-
lent advice to young ladies, as to the motives which
should sway them in the bestowal of their hearts
and hands, or rather, of their hands. We say, espe-
cially of their hands, for their hearts are always
bestowed as their disinterested love directs, but their
hands, too often, according to the suggestions of
worldly gain, selfishness, prudence, money, or the
like.

" Whatever may be the accidental and ultimate ad-
vantages in respect of fortune or social station," says
this writer, " expected to be realized by a woman, in
forming a union with one who would be otherwise
regarded with indifference, or dislike, or disgust, she
may rely upon it that she is committing an act of
deliberate wickedness^ which will be attended pro-
bably for the rest of her life with consequences of

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 161

unutterable and inevitable misery, which even the
obtaining of her proposed objects will not compen-
sate, but only enhance.

" It is equally a principle of our law and of common
sense, that people must be understood to have con-
templated the natural and necessary consequences of
their own acts, even if hastily, but by so much the
more, if deliberately done. When, therefore, they
come to experience these consequences, let them not
complain.

"A marriage of this description is, so to speak,
utter dislocation and destruction to the delicate
and beautiful fabric of a woman's character. It
perverts, it dejlects the noblest tendencies of her
lovely nature ; it utterly degrades and corrupts her ;
she sinks irretrievably into an inferior being ; instead
of her native simplicity and purity, are to be seen,
henceforth, only heartlessness and hypocrisy ; her
affections and passions denied their legitimate objects
and outlets, according to their original weakness or
strength of developement, either disappear and wither,
and she is no longer woman^ or impel her headlong
into coarse sensuality, perhaps, at length, open crimi-
nality; and then she is expelled indignantly, and
for ever, from the community of her sex.

" It is not the mere ring and the orange-blossoms
that constitute the difference between Virtue and
Vicer

Certes, there is a something despicable and de-
grading in forming connexions of this kind ; and
yet, until a better state of morals shall have been

162 RIVALRY OF

infused into society in general, we fear it will be
o^er long ere it will be much otherwise.

Whilst friendship betwixt man and man, and
sometimes, though less frequently, betwixt woman
and woman, and again, betwixt woman and man,
depends on the entertainments which they can give
each other, or on the number of carriages or servants
they keep, the wherewithal to procure those carriages
and servants will constitute the ultimatum of worldly
desire — he or she who is richest will be the most
amiable creature ; and, therefore, to acquire lucre,
whether by honest or by vicious means, will be the
great object of every transaction in life. Thus, young
hearts are bought and sold for bullion ; thus, people
love one way but marry another ; and thus, discon-
tent, misery, dislike of home, criminal love, or adul-
terous affection, are fostered and nurtured throughout
the land.

Pride is the root of this evil, or rather, train of evils.
If people could cure themselves of the pride of making
a great show towards their neighbours, who, after all,
only care for them as long as they can get dinners
out of them, marriages would oftener be made in
heaven than in hell, as they are, though celebrated
on earth, and much happiness would accrue.

It is not to be concluded, that, because there are
marriages at Gretna performed by such as David
Laing deceased, after the manner of those we have
described, that a wedding is never celebrated in the
parish church by a clergyman. Such a supposition
has gone abroad, and spread itself over divers regions

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 163

and districts of the great world ; but it is a mistake,
an error, and one which, out of consideration to the
less headlong Scotch, we would now correct.

It is the strangers, the fugitives from England,
who go to the Hall, the King's Head, the toll-gate,
or elsewhere, but the native dwellers on the soil
eschew such practices as unmeet ; they are always
united to each other by the clergyman in the church
in preference, and need not resort to other expedients,
except, peradventure, under peculiar and extreme
circumstances.

We were informed that, in this parish, it was the
custom for those who wished to marry to be pro-
claimed in the holy building three several times by
the precentor or clerk, that is, by one of them, for
there are two. They must be proclaimed three
times and no less ; but it is not imperative that this
public advertisement and proclamation take place on
three separate Sundays ; they may be thus proclaimed
all three times in one day, if absolutely necessary.
Neither, said our informants, is it required that the
minister be present ; but only that there be a few
persons iu the church, enough to constitute a congre-
gation, and the precentor gives out that he is reading
a proclamation of marriage between John Stiles of
so-and-so, and Mary Baker of such-a-place, as the
case may be, concluding, after the manner of publish-
ing banns in England, this is the first, second, or
third time.

Although this form differs but triflingly from that
of this our sister kingdom, the resemblance between

164 RIVALRY OF

the two is not so exact as to make them one and the
same ; in fact, they are precisely aHke, all but the
difference. The Scotlanders, as well as ourselves,
where there is no need for going to fearful lengths,
prefer a man in holy orders to perform the ceremony,
as it gives a greater force and sanctity to the com-
pact.

" In that part of the kingdom," says a recent writer, " nothing
further is necessary in order to constitute a man and woman hus-
band and wife, than a declaration of consent by the parties before
witnesses, or even such a declaration in writing, without any wit-
nesses; a marriage which is considered binding in all respects.
Still, a marriage in Scotland, not celebrated by a clergyman, (with
the exceptions we are about to mention,) is rarely or never heard
of, [that is, by the Scotch themselves,] a result of the nearly uni -
versal feeling which is in favour of a religious celebration of the
contract, and which would look upon the neglect of that solem-
nity as disreputable.

" What the Scottish people, however, eschewed as evil, the
more lax English, under certain circumstances, did not fail to
avail "themselves of; and the rigid Marriage Act of 1754 had not
been many years in force, before ' love found out the way ' of
evading its enactments, and still, to a certain extent, playing
propriety. It was only requisite that the knot should be tied
in Scotland, to set at defiance all parents and guardians, fo
matches so made appear to have been almost exclusively ' stolen
or 'runaway,' and the parties all English."

My Lord Hardwicke's rigid Marriage Act of 1754
alluded to in the preceding extract, compelled all
persons in England to wed each other through the
agency of a clergyman within the walls of mother
church ; a practice which had not been necessary
for many years before ; and we bcheve it did not
show the considerate toleration towards Jews, Turks,

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 165

Infidels, and Heretics, and the body of dissenters
from the established religion, that it should in chris-
tian charity have done ; so that, finding impediments
to matrimony throughout that land wherein this law
had dominion, they fled over the northern Border to
escape its severity.

To this statute we may ascribe the great celebrity
of Gretna Green, during the later half of the last
century, as a fane dedicated to the rites of Hymen ;
a celebrity which the new Act of 1837 would be
likely to impair, if the English were less fond of con-
sidering the contract in a religious light than we re-
joice to say they are.

It has been observed elsewhere, that the trade here
is sadly monopolized by a few fortunate individuals,
to the exclusion and detriment of a host of others,
equally qualified, but not equally favoured. This
usurpation of priesthood is grievously complained of by
the excluded, who have no participation in the busi-
ness, and the profits thereof; they wish " the trade to
be thrown open," and see no reason, forsooth, why it
should not be so, just as well as the China trade.

The difficulties, however, are enormous, much more
so than ever existed in the East, and for this one
manifest reason, that the obstacles there have been
removed, but not so those at Gretna.

If it be true that any inhabitant in the parish may
marry, how comes it that every person really does
not perform the office.'' And then, if so, no com-
plaint could be urged against this monopolization.

Why, it is thus : —

166 RIVALRY OF

Supposing one of you, our ladies patronesses — yet
no, not any of you, for we would not have you marry
there, as we have heretofore declared ; but supposing,
for instance, that one John Stiles were to drive from
the ancient city of Carlisle, right over Solway Moss,
but without seeing one bit of it, and to arrive at his
destination with this loving intent ; his driver or
postilion would of course take him to some hostelrie
which he well knew through knowledge attained by
former visits ; whereas himself, being a stranger, (for
it is mostly strangers from England who go there,)
would not know where to put up for the nonce, but
would be entirely in the hands of this driver, to stop
just where he might please.

Thankful, then, to attain to some inn, whereinunto
he may enter, not only for the sake of eschewing the
gaze of certain strangers who have perchance more
curiosity than wit, but also for the sake of hastening
on the catastrophe of his journey, he asks for the
best private sitting-room, and officiously escorts his
intended bride to it.

Well, mine host knows in the " wynkynge of an
e'e " what is required, and what is the motive for this
visit. We have before hinted that these Bonnifaces
here are always wide awake, and can see as far into
an oak plank as most folks ; that they are all careful
enough never to sleep, but have their lamps ready
trimmed, replenished, and lighted ; and that the prin-
cipal one, ycleped John Linton, or else his son, will
ever abide at home ready for the coming of the bride-

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 167

groom, whether he come at high noon-day, or whe-
ther he come like a thief in the night.

We have also observed that a wink is as good as a
nod to a blind horse ; and that even much less than
either a wink or a nod would be necessary to these
wide-awakes, who neither are blind, nor yet ever
sleep. These things being pretty well understood, no
explanations are needful.

If the lord and governor of this comminglement of
the temples of Mercury and Hymen both under one
roof, be not his own " priest,*" he has an understand-
ing (to share the profits) with some friend in the
village, to whom he sends a messenger ; and rest as-
sured this friend doth not tarry long by the way,
but uses all convenient haste to attend the pleasant
subpoena.

Now, as the stranger and the lady of his election,
are in his house, and peradventure the carriage and
horses in his coach-house and stables, he has the
power of sending to whom he may please, and none
but whom he may please to favour can enter and do
the agreeable to these new comers, that is, of tying
them up in a knot after the fashion of Gordius, a
knot very difficult to undo.

If the whole population of the parish were to insist
on entering the hostelrie, and boldly to prefer their
equal right to marry the visitors, it is probable that
John Linton and son would stand in no want of good
company at Gretna Hall. If the said visitors were
not particular in their choice of an altar, but should

168 RIVALRY OF

prefer being wedded out in the open fields, the case
might be different ; any one who chanced to be on
the spot first might play the priest, and the espe-
cial friend of mine host would have to argue the
privilege with many rivals.

The particular priest who does business for Alex-
ander Beattie at the King's Head, is Simon Laing,
son of that David Laing who united Mr. Wakefield
and Miss Turner, and many others of estate. He is
by trade a weaver ; and to say the modest truth,
there is much more of the weaver than of the parson
in his external ; and of the weaver, about as dirty a
specimen as ever Spittal fields produced.

Thus, it will be understood, with regard to this
personage, that if any pair of fugitives who are
wearied of single cursedness, arrive at the King's
Head, Alexander forthwith sends for Simon to come
and do the needful, first having agreed between them-
selves to share the golden fleece of which they shear
the bridegroom, and, indeed, sometimes the bride, as
we will tell ye anon.

In this way the trade is monopolized by the inn-
keepers and their friends, to the unspeakable regret
of the many hungry starvelings of the village.

With the bold design of breaking through this
tjTannous monopoly, an enterprising citizen, whose
great name is Thomas Little, hath opened an oppo-
sition shop at about the distance of a bow-shot east
of the King''8 Head, and on the opposite side of the
way. This shop, or rather beer-shop, for such it is
beareth emblazoned over the lintel of the doorway,

THE GRETNA PRIESTS.

169

a most tempting and popular sign, — to wit — the
" Gretna Wedding."

Behold here its form and portraiture :

The bridegroom (so called because he grooms
down the bride) is represented in this achievement
as taking the matter very easily ; he is fierce in
regimentals, and over-belayed with broidery and gold
lace. The lady, who had before yielded up her
heart, is now yielding her hand ; and that too, with
downcast eye, and air as modest as ever was assumed
by that Empress of Modesty, Diana. The black-
smith on one side of the picture, and his helpmate on
the other, having lost all reverence, are both of them
right merrily grinning.

The scene here is laid i|i a blacksmith^s shop, and
by the appearance of the " priest " who is doing
business, one would be disposed to conclude that

I

VOL. II.

170 RIVALRY OF

the candidates for his help had but newly arrived,
like thieves in the night, and had caught him at
unawares, and certainly in dishabille ; for he is set
forth without coat or any other such external vest-
ment, but with his lawn sleeves drawn up his arms
and tucked above the elbow : his loose collar is
unbuttoned and thrown back, even as if he had, up
to the moment of the arrival, been hard at work ;
and the cap of labour (not of liberty) rests upon
his head : the anvil is before him, whereat he had
been engaged welding iron ; and so hastily has the
affair been driven on, that this anvil, being the first
thing at hand, is converted into an altar, on which
is laid the book. His fellow-labourer in both trades,
stands forth in much the same fashion and costume.
Furthermore, the extreme yet characteristic sudden-
ness of the whole transaction, is also demonstrated
by the dresses of the " happy couple :" the bride-
groom has not had sufficient time to doff any part
of his out-door riding appurtenances, whilst his better
half appears in her travelling dress, and with her
hat and feathers upon her head.

The reader may fancy that we have been need-
lessly prolix in our notice of this sign ; but with all
deference, and under correction, we beg to insist that
the emblazonment lays greater claim to consideration
than may at first appear. One reason is, it portrays
the popular and local ideas respecting the common
fashion of doing these things at Gretna ; another,
that it was done by a native artist, who collected
his ideas on the spot ; and a third reason is, that

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 171

he has laid the scene in a blacksmith's shop, and
made the priest, so called, a blacksmith. This part
of the picture will perfectly agree with the prevailing
belief of the world at large, that a blacksmith is in
the habit of performing the ceremony; but in spite
of all our inquiries, diligently made actually at Gretna
Green, we could not discover that a blacksmith
ever married any person there. The reader is pos-
sibly sceptical, because this is a fond notion that
has taken deep root in the popular mind ; but many
other erroneous ideas, besides this one, have, ere now,
gone abroad into the wide world ; and, with respect
to this especial fancy, we have only to say that a
portion of this most authentic history will shortly
be devoted to the subject, and then, like a true
historiographer, we will set down the whole course
of our investigations, together with the results at
which we arrived.

I 2

n2 QUALIFICATIONS OF

CHAPTER XIII.

Qualifications or non-qualifications of the Gretna Green Priests.

Her shows how parish priests
etimes not in orders ;
/ out of order, those
Who live upon the borders,

FBEQtJENTLY hearing the word " priest " used
in conversation, when these officials were the topic
of conversation, or were the subject of discourse —
mentioned not as if derisively or in irony, but gravely
and soberly as a matter of course, and as it were
a right proper word — we had the audacity to inquire
of those who stood around, as to whether any clerical
act of consecration had been achieved over them ;
for how should Southeron strangers and errant peri-
grinators know what particular laws of church, or
state, or custom might obtain here, within the bounds
of this most strange of all parishes in the " varsal
world ? "" In furtherance of obtaining light upon this
point, we demanded whether those, forsooth, who
took upon themselves the responsibilities of this
office, really did undergo any prescribed course of
initiatory study, what terms they kept, and at what

THE GRETNA PRIESTS. 173

college or university, what examinations they sub-
mitted too, and were they often plucked, what de-
grees they took, how they were -ordained, and by
whom, or by what bishops ?

These questions we held to be important; but
after having put them most assiduously all round,
we received one universal answer, namely, " Ha !
ha ! ha ! " or, in other words, everybody " haw-
hawed right out."

** Good Master Southerner, for such you be by
your speech,'' cried they ; " when- we say priests^
we mean Gretna priests (rendered verbatim) ; "'tis
a convenient word, and expresses our meaning as
understood by ourselves ; that is, he who is employed
by any innkeeper to marry any strangers who come
over the border to his house ; such person is a
* priest ' or ' Gretna priesl,' according to our ac-
ceptation of the term."

" Then I am to understand, that to become one
of your priests, it is not indispensable that any
previous course of study should be gone through,
or that any of higher privileges has conferred the
office?"

Here they haw-hawed again.

" When we ironically make sport of them, or
cast scorns at them, we generally dub them bishops
at once ; but priest is the current coin here, and
is as common as a bawbee. You, air, or myself, or
any of this company here in presence, might marry
just whom we might please, either in this same room,
or out there in the middle of the street, or else

174 QUALIFICATIONS OF THE GRETNA PRIESTS.

yonder under the hedge ; at morning, noon, night,
late, early, summer, winter, or what not ; no matter
the place or the time. To prove the truth of what
I say, I will marry you, sir, now this moment.""
Oh ! will you ? Let us begin another chapter.

PRIEST OF GRETNA NOT A BLACKSMITH. 175

CHAPTER XIV.

Erroneous idea that the Priest of Gretna is a Blacksmith.

This shows how false reports sometimes

Fly o'er the land like treason ;
And how folks choose to cling to them

In spite of sense and reason.

After all, it is not a matter of much wonder-
ment that the world should be full of false reports,
when we know, that as soon as a man is bom he
goeth astray and speaketh lies.

Divers false reports touching various matters
foreign to this history have, from time to time,
grievously run over the land, whereby people have
too often been misled and deceived ; such, however,
we leave to those whom it may concern ; but there
is one particular false report about Gretna Green,
with which we have much to do in discoursing of
this place ; and for the enlightenment of the shades
of error, we will immediately set about enkindling the
torch of truth.

Now, the erroneous idea to which we refer is this,
— that it is almost universally supposed that the
personage who marries at Gretna Green, is by trade
a blacksmith.

176 PRIEST OF GRETNA

We have heard of a thousand anecdotes wherein
it is mentioned, how certain parties were united by a
brawny blacksmith; and how the said parties had
no sooner jumped over the broomstick, when the
enraged papa, post-haste from England, rushed into
the house — but just one moment too late to save his
run-away daughter.

We made this much contested subject a particular
point of investigation when we were on the spot : but
in spite of all our inquiries, and searching, and scru-
tiny, we could not discover that a blacksmith had of
late years performed the ceremony, nor indeed, that a
blacksmith had ever done it at any period whatever.

One of the most noted priests here at present is
Simon Laing, by trade a weaver, as before remarked,
and no blacksmith at all. His father, David, who
married Wakefield, also before mentioned, earned his
bread, according to his own account, entirely by the
practice of marrying (and easily earned it too) dur-
ing the immensely long space of eight-and-forty years ;
but he never wielded a sledge hammer in his life,
nor was he ever connected with the business ; before
his time, ftiU fifty years ago, the chief priest was a
man of the name of Parseley or Paisley — Joseph
Paisley — and he was a tobacconist, but no blacksmith ;
and prior to him the principal functionary carried on
the occupation of a fisherman, in the waters of the
Solway Firth, as we will presently shew, on the
authority of Pennant.

Thus we have traced the apostolic succession back
through nearly a century ; but beyond this time no
authentic record remains to satisfy our curiosity — in-

NOT A BLACKSMITH. 177

deed, at that period, the laxity of the laws of
England rendered it unnecessary to resort thither :
and the trade was not monopolized into the hands of
a few then, even as it has been since.

That David Laing never was a blacksmith, de-
spite such a supposition so tenaciously clung to, we
were positively assured by twenty persons in the
village who knew him, and amongst others, by his
son Simon, as well as Simon's wife, whom we especi-
ally questioned.

It seemed to be pretty generally agreed by the
majority of those to whom we put the query, that
this veteran had, in his younger days, been a day
labourer, ready to do any rough job to gain a subsis-
tence, sometimes in one way, and sometimes in an-
other. When he was produced at Lancaster on
the trial of the Wakefields as a witness, and was
examined and cross-examined as to his business and
occupation, he perseveringly shewed great reluctance
in discovering all that the counsel desired to wring
from him. He fenced the question as long as he
could, and then, when he could not escape making a
confession, he tried to raise the rank of his trade,
by attaching to it a name of greater consideration.

The following extract exhibits the course of torture
inflicted by my Lord Brougham :

David Laing again called and crots-examined by Mr. Brouobau.

Are you a Scotch clergyman ? — No, I am not.

What are you ? — arc you any trade at all j — Nothing at all.

Do you mean to say you never were an ostler? — Me an ostler !

No.—

l5

178 PRIEST OF GRETNA

How long have you been engaged in this traffic of making
this sort of certificates 1 — Eight-and-forty years.

How old are you ? — I am beyond seventy-five.

Well, before the last eight-and-forty years what did you do to
get your livelihood ? — that is my question. — Why I was a gentle-
man— sometimes poor and sometimes rich.

Well, when you were poor, what did you do to get your bread ?
— ^what occupation did you follow? — I followed many occupations.

Let me hear one of them. — I was a merchant.

What do you mean by a merchant — a travelling merchant — a
pedlar ? — Yes.

What else were you ? Were you anything else 1 — Never.

Thus, after some little chaffering and reluctance,
David confessed that he had been a pedlar. The
learned lawyer above asks him whether he had not
been on ostler ? but this question he receives with
indignant surprise, and negatives in a very decided
manner. We do not know what reason Mr. Broug-
ham had for this intimation, unless it was that he
had been informed that the pedlar might once have
rubbed a horse down, by a chance, for the sake of
turning a penny, although it was not his trade. It
is extraordinary he was not asked whether he had
been a blacksmith ; — we say extraordinary, merely
on account of the popular notion ; but as he was not
asked the question, it is a strong negative argument
in favour of what we assert. Had he ever made it
his business, of course the fact would have been
mentioned in this cross-examination ; and if he had
ever by a chance lifted a sledge hammer upon the
anvil, as by a chance he may have groomed a horse, it
is rational to suppose that the lawyer would have heard
of it, and taxed him accordingly, even as he did about

NOT A BLACKSMITH. 179

the ostlership, particularly as the current report
would so naturally have led to it. It is only curious
that the idea itself, without any thing else, did not
lead to such a question : but the fact of its having
been omitted, proves how little this priest and the
trade of a blacksmith were coupled together in the
imaginations of persons present.

There is a tradition in Springfield that a pleasant
dialogue, referring to these matters, took place at
the above trial, between Laing and the lawyer;
albeit this dialogue certainly does not appear in the
minutes as they were pubUshed at the time : no mat-
ter, the good people of this village tell the anecdote.

They say, that whilst he was giving evidence,
certain expressions were elicited from him, which,-*
either then firs^ attached the title of blacksmith to <
him, or else renewed, raked from oblivion, and con-
firmed it to him ; supposing he had ever before been so
called, or had ever been connected with the trade,
in some almost forgotten way, until thus raked up
They say, • that the counsel, being aware that he
went by the name of " the blacksmith," plainly asked
him why he was so designated, since, upon inquiry,
it appeared that he neither was a blacksmith then, at
the time of the trial, nor had he ever been so during
the whole course of his Ufe ? To this question, they
add, he returned a facetious answer, to wit : — " Be-
cause,** said he, " I weld two people together with
the quickness and strength with which a blacksmith
welds two pieces of hot iron."

Some people affirm, that tradition is not always
to be implicitly beUeved, and that history is truer

180 PRIEST OF GRETNA

than fiction — and so forth. This we had always
denied up to the present time : but when people
declare that the word blacksmith, as applied to the
ma trier- general of Gretna Green, only originated
through this anecdote at the trial of the Wakefields
in 1827, we decidedly think they lie — ^under a mis-
take. Our faith in the infallibility of tradition was
never shaken till now : but if tradition asserts that
this term is no older than 1827, we think that tradi-
tion is in error ; for certainly it did exist long before
that time. It is possible, however, that David Laing
was the first to whom it was given, since the com-
mencement of his career dates as far back as the
year 1779, or forty-eight years before the trial. We
have not discovered any person or any chronicle, or
better still, any tradition, that can make the designa-
tion so old as this remote period.

This man died in the year 1827, in a house in
Springfield, situated in the street, on the opposite
side from that on which the King's Head stands, and
at about a bow-shot higher up, or towards the trian-
gular Green of Gretna. It is said that he caught
cold at the trial at Lancaster in March of that year,
that he had been exerting and heating himself by
exercise in the first instance, and then possibly sat in a
draught afterwards ; an imprudence that is believed to
have given him too severe a chill for a man of seventy-
five to get over. He lived three months after the
shock, but was never thoroughly well, and then he died;
but such an apparently slight cause as a chill — a cold
— the effects of sitting in a draught after being warm,
has killed many a younger person than David Laing.

NOT A BliACKSMITH. 181

That philosopher said well, when he exclaimed—
" There are no such things as trifles in the world.""
Serious ends sometimes arise out of apparently trivial
beginnings — a sequel that proves those beginnings
were not so trivial as they were supposed to have
been.

A short time, comparatively, before his decease, he
had occupied a house near his son''8 present abode, —
that is, on the same side of the street as the King's
Head, but lower down, or in the direction towards
England ; and in his younger days, long previous to
that, he had dwelt in a cottage a short distance from
Gretna church, opposite the Hall, and near the diver-
gence of the roads to Dumfries and to Glasgow.
This cottage has since been pulled down.

So much for David Laing.

In chronologically tracing back the apostolic succes-
sion of Gretna priests, we next come to Joseph Pais-
ley, or old Joe Parseley, as they are pleased to pro-
nounce him in his own locality.

He had grasped into his own hands the great share
of the business before he died, and left it to Laing,
who had for some years been his partner. It will
be natural to ask then: Was Paisley a blacksmith,
and did the term originate with him ? The answer
is decidedly, No ; for a dozen people in Springfield,
some of whom were aged and recollected him, confi-
dently declared that he was by trade a tobacconist,
and not a blacksmith. From all accounts, it appears
that, before his era the lucrative occupation had not
been so exclusively monopolized, as it was after-

182 PRIEST OF GRETNA

wards : that the regular line of priests does not go back
very decidedly beyond him, except peradventure to
one individual mentioned by Pennant : and that he
was the first person who so carefully thus studied to
monopolize it — or at all events, the first who gained
much celebrity by the practice.

Before the present host and hostess tenanted the
King's Head, that hostelrie was for seven years oc-
cupied by a Mr. and Mrs. Sowerby ; and they,
together with such honourable local authority as
Simon Beatie of Toll-gate fame, the reverend Laings,
and divers others of especial mention, not knowing
the origin of the term blacksmith as applied to
these worthies, conceive that possibly it may have
been palmed upon Paisley merely from his personal
appearance : he was a tall, stout, and stalwart man ;
compact and firm in build and proportion ; brawny
and muscular in the configuration of his limbs ; and
therewithal possessing great strength. Hence, as he
looked like a blacksmith, or one of powerful exterior,
some have conjectured that the expression arose in
him ; yet all, at the same time, uniformly agree that
he never had to do with the trade, but was a tobac-
conist.

The house in which he died stands immediately
opposite the King's Head in Springfield. It is related
of him, that as he lay on his death-bed, waiting for the
grim Angel of Death to open the Janua Mortis and
lead him through to the next world, several car-
riages and four hastily drove into the village, making
9uch a noise and clatter as would have roused the

NOT A BLACKSMITH. 183

dead in their graves : wherefore he, who was not ac-
tually dead, although very near it, opened his eyes at
the sound. They contained three loving couple from
the south, who had gone like fury over Solway Moss.
The place was in infinite commotion, since every one
divined that this arrival would prove a good catch.
The old priest lay in a condition so extreme, that it
was considered useless to apply to him to do the
needful ; but like loyal subjects who profess love and
allegiance to a dying king, they begun to turn their
thoughts towards his successor. He, however, be-
came wide awake, when he heard the rumbling of
those wheels, well knowing that they were tired with
gold rather than with iron. By an effort he sum-
moned strength to make inquiry touching the new
comers ; and feeling the ruHng passion strong within
him still, he declared his willingness to play the
blacksmith once more, by welding them together in
holy matrimony. This, it is said, he really did, even
as he lay there ; and it is further said that, when
the business was achieved, he found himself no less
than i?300 richer than he was before.

Shortly after this, the said Angel of Death verily
did enter the house and come up to his bed-side.
It cried out to him, " Now, Paisley, come along.'""
•He made no answer, for by this time he was dead !
Now then, we come to the era before Paisley.
Not even on the spot could we discover that the
pursuit had been engrossed by any individuals ex-
clusively to themselves, prior to him : but in default
of tradition, Pennant furnishes us with an historical

184 PRIEST OF GRETNA

information — and if we cannot procure from rumour,
that which we desire, we must e'en be content to put
up with authentic history.

This great peregriuator, and learned man, was at
Gretna Green in the year 1771 ; and albeit he says,
" here the young couple may be instantly united by a
fisherman, a joiner, or a blacksmith," he subsequently
mentions that the chief priest was a fisherman by oc-
cupation. It is true, he tells us of a blacksmith — the
only notice of the sort we have fallen upon — but he
speaks of him incidentally, together with others of
other trades, clearly shewing that the business was
then open to all artisans whatsoever, and blacksmiths
among the number : — and where is the village that
does not contain such a functionary, who shoes horses
and mends ploughshares for the farmers ?

" This place," he continues, " is distinguished from afar by a
small plantation of firs, the Cyprian grove of the place — a sort of
land-mark for fugitive lovers. As I iiad a great desire to see tlie
high priest, by stratagem I succeeded. He appeared in the form
of a fisherman ; a stout fellow in a blue coat, rolling round his
solemn chops a quid of tobacco of no common size. One of our
party was supposed to come to explore the coast : we questioned
him about the price, which, after eyeing us attentively, he left
to our honour. The Church of Scotland does what it can to pre-
vent these clandestine matches, but in vain ; for these infamous
couplers despise the fulminations of the Kirk, as excommunication
is the only penalty it can inflict."

From this passage it is clear that the principal
marrier, or " high priest,"'"' as Pennant calls him, was
a fisherman ; to whom he gives greater considera-
tion than to the fortuitously mentioned joiner and
blacksmith : and hence, also from this passage, by his

NOT A BLACKSMITH. 185

collectively speaking of them all, it is manifest that
the trade was not subject to so strict a monopoly as
now.

It is a curious thing that the popular idea of a
blacksmith-priest should prevail, not only in distant
places where the real truth might not be known, but
actually in the very parish itself, where that idea is
mianimously declared to be utterly false and without
foundation.

True it is, however, that popular errors do often
exist in the minds of the inhabitants of a district —
errors touching themselves, or their usages, which
they know to be unworthy of credence : and yet,
since they are popular fancies, they are clung to and
perpetuated with as much respect and diligence, as if
they were based on the rock of well-established truth.
That such an idea docs exist at Gretna as well as at
other places is certain, although no one appears to
know whence, where, how, or when it arose.

We hope that the most companionable reader, who
has sociably journeyed along with us all through these
pages, is satisfied, as we certainly are, of the unrea-
sonableness of adhering to it : and yet, at the same
time, we admit that it is so strong, so deeply im-
printed upon the imaginations of many, and has taken
root so firmly in the affections of the world at large,
that we have ofttimes wholly failed in conversation,
when the topic bore upon this matter, to convince our
hearers, whether by argument or assertion, that this
long-cherished belief was an entire fallacy.

If the authority of Pennant, of its single self, were

186 PRIEST OF GRETNA

not enough to assure us that it was erroneous to fancy
that a blacksmith was the chief marrier during the
earlier stages of Gretna's celebrity, we may also call
in the name of the learned Dr. Dibdin, a passage in
whose Northern Tour, fully corroborates the idea,
that a fisherman was then the principal.

" Surely," says he, when speaking in strong terms
against the practices there, — " Surely, the only avail-
able and effectual remedy would be, a statutable de-
claration against the legality or validity of such
matches ; and then the fisherman's occupation is
gone."

There is no mention here about any other trades-
man, saving the fisher ; and by the way in which he
is named, it should seem that he was sole monarch of
the parish.

In Chambers' Picture of Scotland, we have also
a very plain assertion, that error has gone abroad into
the world touching these matters ; an assertion which
tallies well with the other meritable authorities to
which we have had recourse.

" The trade," it says, *' was founded by a tobacco-
nist, {not a blacksmith as is generally believed) named
Joseph Paisley, who, after leading a long life of pro-
fanity and drunkenness, died so lately as 1814."

This is but an indifferent epitaph for old Joe, whose
mundane celebrity, and the riches of his last visitors
from England, brought him three hundred pounds as
he lay on his death-bed.

The passage continues in these words : — " The
common phrase ' Gretna Green ' arose from his first

NOT A BLACKSMITH, 187

residence at Meggs Hill, on the common or Green,
between Graitney (as it is sometimes spelt), and
Springfield ; to the last of which villages, of modern
erection, he removed in 1791.''

These authors we had not consulted until after we
had quitted the place under consideration, and had
begun to write this work ; but we do confidently
aver, that they all corroborate the result of our
inquiries, and also corroborate each other.

We were never knocked down, or told we decidedly
lied, when we have assured folks by word of mouth
what we here say by word of pen ; but if angered
looks, and looks incredulous, could have done so,
verily we should have been knocked down and told as
much long ago.

People never like to hear a popular belief ques-
tioned or impeached, even though they know it to be
erroneous. There is a something within us so ena-
moured of romance and tradition, that we would
almost always rather continue in the cloud of romantic
error, than clear if off, or exchange it for dry and
matter-of-fact reality.

That the notion of the blacksmith is popular even
in Springfield, is evident from the emblazonment on
the sign of the " Gretna Wedding "" before mentioned,
where everybody knows it to be false. We have
already set forth this achievement at full ; and we
will here refer to it in amplification of this topic, by
reminding the reader that the scene is laid in a
veritable smithy, where an anvil forms the altar,
where the priest has laid down his sledge-hammer to

188 PRIEST OF GRETNA

take up the book; and where the background, in-
stead of being a painted window, through which
shines a dim religious light, is decorated with certain
horse-shoes fixed up against the wall with large
nails.

When debating this anomaly and contradiction in
Springfield, here falsely displayed at the very head
quarters, we particularly demanded an explanation to
a fact so unaccountable ; how it was, that a native
artist should lay the wedding scene in a blacksmith's
shop, when every Scotchman averred that marriages
in Gretna parish never were celebrated in such places ?
To this the answer was, " Oh, why, we know it 's
wrong, strictly speaking ; but then we know that our
best customers the English, whom we wish to attract
and please, have taken such a notion into their heads ;
and the fact of its popularity is quite recommendation
enough for us to adopt it as a sign. Never mind
strict truth in this matter ; when a party of run-
aways from the south comes over the Moss into the
village, they immediately see a sign that coincides
with the favourite idea, and the pleasure derived from
this concordance, from seeing their cherished fancy
revealed to them here in bright colours, is a thing not
to be passed by or withstood. The truth, therefore,
is nothing ; you perceive the policy of the sign."

It should seem that even Sir Walter Scott himself
has blindly adopted this delusion, without looking
further into it than the giving of credence to a flying
report ; and from his incorrect notice of localities, it
further appears manifest, that he could never have
been either at Springfield or Gretna Green.

NOT A BLACKSMITH. 189

The passage alluded to is this : —

" The village of Gretna," he says, " towards the tennination of
Solway Firth, has been famous in the annals of matrimonial ad-
venture, for the clandestine marriages of fugitive lovers from Eng-
land, which have been solemnized at this celebrated temple of
Hymen. The priest, who died lately, a blacksmith by trade, (being
no other apparently than old David Laing, the pedlar,) has been
known to draw one hundred guineas from one couple for perform-
ing the ceremony. Springfield, another flourishing village, is only
a short distance from Gretna. At the port of Sarkfoot, there is a
considerable importation of wood, tar, slates, and other mer-
chandise."

There is also, over and above, a notion gone
abroad that the said blacksmith makes his visitors
jump over a broomstick, as one part of the ceremony ;
and right graphic delineations of such feats of agility
do sometimes adorn the books of the curious ; but
when we gravely inquired as to the veracity of this
part of the statement — oh ! good gracious how they
did laugh !

190 RUNAWAY MATCH OF A

CHAPTER XV.

Runaway Match of a Bishop's Daughter.

Two lovers came one morning in .

The amorous month of May ;
They wedded were at Gretna Green,

And then they went away.

When we were at the King's Head one certain
morning, mistress Beattie related unto us how, in the
merry and amorous month of May, she, and her hus-
band Alexander, were roused up out of their quiet
slumbers by an infinite alarum at the hostelrie door,
committed by the impatience of two eager children
who dearly loved each other. These two desired to
be tied in holy bands, and had come there hastily for
the purpose. We all know that " the course of true
love never did run smooth," not with anybody who
ever knew what " the course of true love " was :
there was nothing strange then in the idea that they
should have experienced difficulties and prevention.
There was a something that stood in their way, some
let, some impediment, which " forbid the banns.""
Now, for this very reason they loved the more, and
80 much the more burnt with a fiercer affection. A

bishop's daughter. 191

contemplative mind will take pleasure in turning over
the varied traits and peculiarities of this most per-
verse passion, and of holding up its phases and fea-
tures to the vievr of different lights ; and to a con-
templative mind, that arrives at conclusions from the
sober consideration of many examples, this really is
the most perverse passion that ever found place
within the compass of our nature. Like the darnel
discoursed of by poets, which flourisheth more, the
more it is crushed under foot ; so love, the more it is
opposed and thwarted, and denied, so much the more
doth it rage to attain its object, and so much the
more doth it grow and increase in strength. It
thrives upon denial, and flourishes upon vexation ; it
buds with opposition ; blooms with hinderance, and it
ripens under prevention.

" It was at the remarkable hour of four o''clock in
the morning," said mistress Beattie, " in the amorous
month of May, as I told you, and if my memory
serve truly, in the memorable year 1837, that a
carriage sped from England, right over the Bordel*,
and into the midst of the village ; nor pulled bridle,
bit, nor curb, until it attained unto the door of this
hostelrie. But the fact of a carriage bouncing im-
patiently into the village, was a matter of every day
occurrence — and it might be of every night occur-
rence, too, or day or night indifferently, just as it
might happen — sometimes one, sometimes the other,
for we never know when, or which before hand, nor
much care ; so that the noise which the wheels made
needed no explanation for us who understand our

192 RUNAWAY MATCH OF A

business, as most people do who live by it, and thrive
therein."

" Exactly, and vrell said/'

" Why, look you, good sir : it is to these visits
that Springfield owes everything. How, think you,
we could exist, hold together, keep life in our bodies,
buy bread, if a little money was not now and then
brought into the place by these means ? What else
have we to depend upon ? Our neighbours up and
down the street are poor, labour is slack, and wages,
of course, are scarce ; and since the making of the
new road, the greater part of the travellers who
used to pass our door now go through the Gre6n,
and never come near us. Before this alteration, or
improvement, as they were pleased to phrase it,
the chief way from Carlisle lay through Longtown,
and so on right up the village here, onward into
Scotland ; but alas and well-away for Springfield,
the improvement has gone far to ruin us all."

" National improvements, you see, cannot look
to the private interests of individuals; and it is
incumbent on the few to make certain personal
sacrifices for the benefit of the many: when they
do this, it is called philanthropy." rl) iaii

" Then phi — something is ruination, and ought
to be called fie-for-shame."

" It is doing unto others that which you would
wish them to dp unto you."

" Goodness gracious ! no sir, not at all in this
instance, for they have nearly ruined me, and I am
sore I would not wish to ruin them."

A bishop's daughter. 193

" I mean that, by submitting to these losses for
the benefit of giving all your countrymen and country-
women, and all the whole world if it comes here,
a better road to travel by, you do to them just
what you would wish them to do to you, supposing
any one else had kept the " King''s Head," and
you yourself had wanted a better road to travel
over through this parish."

" I like good roads when I go a journeying, and
I do na care if people will be so good as to pay
for them ; but really I canna say that I like to have
the profits of my trade run away with."

" Very hard, very hard, doubtless ; but it is a
christian principle to deprive ourselves for the sake
of advantaging our neighbours. If we forget this
principle we become selfish."

" I hate selfish folks, I own."

*' There is no merit in assisting others if it costs
you nothing yourself."

" Peradventure you are right there."

" Come, then, let us hear the sequel of this story.
Although your business may have suffered a little
by the change, still it is not yet bankrupt : I venture
to say you did not lose by these visitors : let us
have the rest."

" Well, they beat the door with the pommels
of their whips, and they called at the window :
sleep was scared from our eyes, and we looked out
of the lattice down upon them : they cried ' Haste,
come you and let us in, for our need is great ; time
is precious, life is short, and love is impatient.' So

VOL. II. K

194 RUNAWAY MATCH OF

we barkened to their call, and quickly let them
in, thinking that it was as pleasant to grow rich
in the night (for 'twas scarce anything else) as in
the day— for riches acquired at night will profit a
person when day cometh. The carriage door was
opened, the steps were let down, and a gentleman
and lady issued therefrom, and entered here, even
into this actual room. You know all about my
Lord Erskine, for it was detailed to you before.
My husband, careful man, went off to Simon Laing
incontinently and without tarry ; him he got from
his drowsy bed with eyes scarce open, yet nothing
loth after all (to do him justice) for he is always
ready to do a kindly action unto those who be
in distress. The postilion raised his finger to the
front of his cap, and he said, * Shall I put the
horses into the stable.'" I, however, turned to
the lady and gentleman, and inquired, whether
they would abide under my roof till breakfast
or so ? But they said, nay ; that they purposed
wending back into their own country whence they
came, as soon as the matter in hand was over ;
that they never eat breakfast or anything so gross,
but feasted upon love, and revelled in the perpetual
banquet of affection. Wherefore, good sir, I said
nothing more about my poor bread and butter."

We nodded approvingly.

" As, therefore," continued the hostess, " they
showed themselves as eager to leave us when we
should have served them, as they had been to seek
us, wanting of that service, I told the postboy that

A bishop's daughter. 195

there was no need or call whatsoever to unbrace
his beasts, that we would not keep him five minutes,
and that he might consequently let his horses and
his carriage stand at the door where they were.
My husband now returned with the weaver, and
by his help the aflfair was carried through as speedily
and as effectuaUy as such matters always are here.
When it was over, the bridegroom paid the priest
like a gentleman; and then the lady turned round
to me and said, ' Why, don''t you get anything for
all this trouble?*' I answered the lady, — she was
a nice, kind, pleasant, lady too, sir, — I answered that
I was satisfied to see her well married, that I gave
her joy, and hoped she would be happy. That the
priest was the person that was usually remembered,
and that he had by no means been forgotten by her
husband. ' Well,' she said, ' but we have come
to your house and called you up out of your bed
and out of your sleep ; we have made you come
down to attend on us, and open your doors to receive
us, and it would hardly be justice to let you go
unguerdoned.' Now this, sir, was uttered with a
great deal of consideration, — what think you ?"*"

" Of course it was : and you will often find, Mis-
tress Beattie, that ladies have their wits about them
in critical positions with a remarkable promptitude,
when men would by no means be so acute."

" Well now, it was beautiful the way she tvumed
about to me, that it was, because it came all so un-
looked-for like and so unexpected : that she should

have thought about me just at that moment, when I

K 2

196 RUNAWAY MATCH OF

fancied she would not have been able to know
whether she was standinof on her head or her heels
— as most people don't when they are married.""

" But that reveals this very admirable trait of
feminine promptitude of which I was speaking — a
quality which they have in perfection, when the more
heavy natures and greater gravity of men make them
less alive to momentary acts of acuteness."

" Aweel, aweel ; I ken that women are more
hasty, more quick, more ready than men be, for the
most part.

" Men are more plodding and more deliberative ;
and they will rather set about calculating the chances
of the step they may have in contemplation, than
make a hazard to achieve it : women, on the contrary,
go at it in a moment, and whilst a man is consider-
ing, a woman will have done it by one dash.

" She must have had a lively wit to think of her
hostess at such an anxious time. A gentleman in such
a case, though he would have meant as well, and felt
as liberal, and been just as desirous to do justice to
every body, would have forgotten it at the very nick
of time as it were, and only have remembered it when
he was in his carriage, and more at ease, or more in a
state to reflect on all the points of the case. Then he
would have cried out that he had quite forgotten the
hostess in his hurry, and how sorry he was to have
done so ; how provoking that he should have omitted
her at the time of coming away ; and how he would
sooner turn back and give her her deserts, than let
her suppose that lie had wronged her on purpose."

A bishop's daughter. 197

" A very possible thing to have happened, Mistress
Beattie."

" I do na mean to say that this gentleman would
have done so, for he was all desire to think of every
one that was present : but you know, sir, he had
many things to think about, and the responsibility of
the business lay especially upon his own shoulders,
as he had taken so active a part in coming from
home, and in taking the lady from her father's house.
So that the anxieties of how he should make the
matter up at his return, might well distract his mind
from sober reflection whilst he was here."

" Oh ! most true ! But what did the lady go on
to say ?"

" Why, as I was telling you, sir ; when the priest
had been handsomely rewarded, she turned to me,
and asked what I was to have ? But I said I was
content to see her happy and that would do ; but she
declared that tbey had called me up and given me a
world of trouble, that they had, and then, said she,
these were her very words, ' We have made you open
your doors to receive us, the priest has been remune-
rated well, and you, whose toil has been just as great,
are content to serve us for the reward of seeingr us
well married !' She said no more, sir, not another
word, but took a purse from her pocket, and quietly
dropped it into my hand. She was in rare good
spirits the whole time, and skipped back again into
the carriage as light as a fairy — and off they drove."

Out of consideration and deference toward this lady,
we are disposed not to mention her name here ; suf-

198 RUNAWAY MATCH OF

fice it, she was the daughter of a Right Reverend
Father in God, a Bishop of the United Kingdom of
Great Britian, whose cathedral doth adorn an ancient
city lying toward the south-western part of that por-
tion of the aforesaid Great Britain, ycleped England :
and if it be that a man may spare a child, having
many more, verily his Lordship can endure to spare
this one daughter.

Now this was taking a hasty step — as the race-
horse said when he was going full split round the
course : and if perpetrated in defiance of the will and
pleasure of those to whose counsel we should give
heed, it were a hasting towards evil a deal too fast.
Such evil journeys are for the most part carried
through with infinite celerity ; and ill luck betide the
cattle that pace the last stage to the bourn of iniquity,
or, in other words, the bourn 'twixt England and
Scotland. Hence it is, as herein above set forth, that
this stage over Solway Moss, is never ambled at an
easy pace, but with the rapidity of thought passing
from one place to another, " which ten times faster
moves than the sun's beams;" and the ancient pro-
verb telleth wherefore and for what reason they always
do speed so amazingly on this wicked journey, to
wit : — One must needs go fast, when the devil driveth.

There is a talk of carrying the northern rail-road,
which passes by the western side of the country,
even on from Lancaster to Penrith, through Gretna
Green, and so to Kilmarnock into Albyn. Now this
dire project could have been designed by none other
than Satan (who is the very devil for mischief), in

A bishop's daughter. 199

order to smooth and facilitate the course toward
wrong. The face of the country in these parts is
level and fitting for such a purpose ; and if the said
railroad ever is impiously directed into the western
Highlands, of a truth it assuredly must go right
through this particular place, as the ground hes so
favourable for it in an engineering point of view.

200 ' VISIT. TO

CHAPTER XVI.

Visit to the Gretna Priest.

A visit to the weaver-priest,

A register of names,
A true certificate of marriage,

This chapter now proclaims.

Simon Laing, " weaver and priest," son and heir,
and so forth, to the most notable David the pedlar,
is a personage of much, and most especial respect,
a personage whose interest is great, whose power
is confessed, whose influence is extensive, whose
friendship is worth obtaining, whose reputation is
unbounded, &c.

In his custody are the most important volumes
of marriage register, come down to him through a
long succession, and by him hereafter to be trans-
mitted to the latest posterity. This Register de-
scended to its present possessor from his father, who
received it from Paisley, who received it we know
not whence. It probably originated in him, when
the plan of monopolizing the trade began to be sys-
tematically established.

It has been the policy at Gretna Green, for the

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 201

principal marrier to associate unto himself some part-
ner in the business : thus, old Paisley took into his
confidence David Laing, and when Paisley died,
David connected his son Simon with him as his part-
ner ; ftirthermore, when the Angel of Death breathed
upon David, and Simon was left alone, he, the said
Simon, became associated in partnership with one
Robert Elliott, of honourable mention.

Now, this apostolic succession is not thus scrupu-
lously maintained without good reason, that is, in
so feir as they themselves are concerned ; and, indeed,
it was the discovery of certain advantages to be
derived therefrom, that at first established this conse-
cutive dove-tailing, — this concatenation^-of priests.

In the first place, it enables them, by the extreme
exclusiveness of their body, to secure to themselves
the whole of the traffic, and, above all, the emolu-
ments arising therefrom ; in the second place, it
gives vast importance, consideration, and notability
to him that thus holds " the keys ;" and, in the third,
this concatenation tends to prevent the loss, disper-
sion, or injury of the sacred books, so reverently
looked upon and so carefully guarded.

In these volumes are entered the names of all those
whom the guardian priest has united in holy bands ;
and the custody of them gives to their possessor his
chief ability to continue the prevailing system of
monopoly. Their importance, therefore, is manifest.
Hence, that they may not pass into the hands of
strangers, the necessity of partnership is acknow-
ledged, so that, when the principal dies, the other

s5

202 VISIT TO

being heir by devise, succeeds to the inheritance.
By looking well to these things, they engross much
commerce and much lucre to themselves, of course
not a little to the envy and prejudice of their neigh-
bours in the parish, whom the destinies have made
less fortunate.

Albeit we had more than once fortuitously seen
Simon Laing, still, we never had, as yet, paid him a
decided visit, by repairing to his own particular abode
in the village of Springfield ; wherefore, with the
ostensible object of saying amiable things, such as
inquiring after his health and happiness, but in-
wardly, with the dire and dark intent of getting
a sly peep at the Register, we directed our steps one
evening thitherward. ^

We knocked at the door as one having business ;
incontinently it was answered, but not l)y the digni-
tary himself, but by his wife.

We inquired whether her other half — better we
know not — or her "master," as my Lady Morgan writes
it, were at home, as we wished to see him ? But
to this Mrs. Laing shook her head, a sign which,
in every part of the known world, whether savage
or civilized, is universally understood to signify a
negative.

This question, however, drew from her a keen and
scrutinizing glance — a glance evidently commingled
with a strong suspicion as to the possible object of
the visit ; for, like Simon Beatie at the toll-gate, she
appeared to think that no stranger could come into
the village, and more particularly right up to the

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 203

priesfs house, without having some most interested
motive for so doing.

She searchingly scanned over the new comer, as if
to discover whether he might not wear the feature
and semblance of bachelorship ; and if so, whether
he had not come there touching the possibility of
ridding himself of a state so irksome and lonely as
bachelorship is unanimously allowed to be. Yet, we
do believe, that no persons in the world are more
ready than the priests, and their confederates of
Gretna, to agree that " it is not meet for man to be
alone."

She declared that in good sooth her husband was
not within at that identical moment, but that the
hour of his coming at eve, when the toil of the day
was over, had arrived, and he would not be absent
long ; at all events she did not like to let her visitor
depart, lest he should fall into other hands ; so she
courteously, but urgently bid him enter in and abide
her husband's coming. And as he never could resist
the alluring accents and persuasive voice of a woinan,
he hesitated not in the least to comply with her bid-
ding, especially as he saw no reason why he should
not.

If one may form a judgment by the appearance
and furniture of the chamber into which he was
shown — a chamber which embraced at once all the
varied attributes of parlour, kitchen, bed-room, nur-
sery, and larder, it would seem that the occupier
thereof had not solemnized many profitable marriages
of late. — none such as Joe Paisley performed whilst

204- VISIT TO

he lay on his death-bed ; for indigence became re-
vealed to his eyes, wherever he directed them.

The floor was neither boards, nor flag-stone, nor
brick, nor tiles, nor lime-ash ; it was nothing but
plain unsophisticated mother earth, beaten flat— or
rather, not flat, for it was like human life in this
world, all ups and downs. The tables and chairs
. were like angels' visits, so that it was not until after
much searching that one of the latter could be found
to sit down upon ; they were made of native-grown
ash, pine, or oak ; and the possessor had evidently
conferred the favours of his patronage on several
different upholsterers, since no two resembled each
other in pattern, but they were all of divers and
dissimilar fashion in their make. Some pieces of peat
that had been cut on Solway Moss were piled on the
dusty hearth, out of which issued the melancholy
pretence of a fire ; and the flickering flame, that
darted about like an adder's tongue, inconstantly
licked the bottom of a smoky iron pot, that the
reverend dweller might have his evening meal when
he should arrive. The lime-washed walls, once
white, were now brown by age and neglect ; a few
prints of miserable execution, and one or two popular
ballads, taken for all we know from the Border
Minstrelsy, were stuck upon them by means of
wafers at the corners, for the sake of adornment rich
and rare.

Other decorations, ornaments, and articles of fur-
niture consorted passable well both in style and sem-
blance with such as we have enumerated; and the

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 205

woman herself, in appearance and vesture, suited, not
unmeetly, the poverty around.

These important observations, so imperative to the
perfect compilation of a complete History of Gretna
Green, had scarcely been achieved, when the latch of
the door was lifted, and no less a personage than
Simon Laing, " weaver and priest," walked into the
apartment.

To say the truth, and nothing but the truth, he
certainly looked much more like the weaver than like
the priest. But Simon bears a good reputation, and
a fair name for integrity ; never demanding a higher
fee from his employers, than his predecessors have
been wont to demand before him ; much consider-
ation is due to so great a dignitary from " his high
place " alone ; and if it be that the Evil One may
sometimes prompt him to a little exorbitance of
charge, still, we know that Shakspere says, " Let the
devil be honoured for his burning throne.'"

He is a kind of happy medium in stature, neither
tall nor short ; in face he is somewhat spare, and not
much otherwise in limb ; and for that particular, very
different from his rival at the toll-gate, the stout and
stalwart Simon Beatie.

His greeting was evidently that of an encouraging
welcome ; for, like the woman whom he had taken
for better for worse, he manifestly boded that some
good would arise out of this meeting.

Like a perfect diplomatist who has a secret victory
to gain, he begged his visitor to be seated and at
ease ; he then entered into a pleasant strain of con-

206 VISIT TO

versation, not bluntly assailing the topic which wa«
nearest his interest, and as he conjectured, nearest
the interest — or at all events nearest the heart— of
this said visitor, but discoursed of subjects foreign to
the matter, only now and then, by way of judiciously
feeling his ground, casually alluding to the loving
politics of his parish.

But his visitor had also a secret victory to gain ;
he had an unrevealed object in view, which was, to
elicit from Simon the knowledge of certain facts
touching his reverend calling ; and to compass this,
he had recourse to a little diplomatic hypocrisy, by
putting the priest on a wrong scent, even as Pennant
and his friends did, when they sought out and gossip-
ed with the fisherman.

He gave him to understand that he had not come
to Gretna " for nothing ;"" which assertion, broached
with an air of significance and mystery, led the com-
prehensive mind of the weaver to infer that he had
really come there for a great deal, — a great deal more
than his modesty permitted him to express all at
once.

This was just the thing ; Simon shrewdly inti-
mated that a word to the wise was enougli ; whilst
his visitor chuckled within himself, and thought that
a wink was as good as a nod to a blind horse.

Both parties, therefore, having come to a clear
understanding, they now began to talk with less re-
serve ; but the applicant discovered, in prosecution of
his diplomatic negotiations, that the surest way of
coming by the knowledge that he sought, was to start

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 207

innumerable objections and many fears, as to the
plans so readily proposed by the priest : for, by start-
ing difficulties on one side, it was necessary that they
should be explained away on the other ; and this
course served to impart the very knowledge that was
desired.

The stranger then honestly confessed— certainly he
would not conceal it — he would not deny it — he con-
fessed that he ran great risk in the course he was
pursuing; that marrying at Gretna Green was not
the form he should prefer; that he should always
counsel everybody to take so important a step ad-
visedly ; that he would rather have been married in
England in the usual way; he avowed openly he
preferred it, and approved of it ; but that desperate
ailments demanded desperate cures ; and in fact, to
conceal nothing, but to unburden his bosom frankly
to the weaver, he had now, in a state of the maddest
delirium, fled from his home, his country, his friends
(all but the sole sharer of his affections) and had
hastened to the Gilead of Gretna to collect balm.

The sympathising mechanic, howbeit, saw no ne-
cessity for any anxiety whatsoever ; that the stran-
ger, in coming to him from home and friends, had
done no more than hundreds had done before ; that
his troubles were altogether imaginary, unreal, and
without foundation ; and that, if he would only send
to the King's Head Inn for his ladye love, where he
concluded she was doubtless secreted, he would cure
him of all his afflictions m the space of about two
minutes.

208 VISIT TO

Certainly this was a plain and friendly offer ; but
his visitor had not as yet learnt all he desired, and
therefore it should seem that his perplexed mind
could not immediately come to a cool and definite
resolution. He much wished to know whether the
affair could really be achieved with so much ease,
and expedition, and secrecy, as his reverence declared ;
whether it could be assuredly accomplished in despite
of all denial or opposition from hostile parties ; whe-
ther, if done in opposition to parents and guardians,
the tie would be equally secure ; whether, if so done,
it would hold good against English law, and defy all
the Alexander the Greats of the Inner Temple who
might try to undo it — and whether, in defiance of half
a dozen other whethers and ifs^ it would be all right,
legal, tight, proper, and so forth ?

To all these difficult questions and honest doubts,
put forth, as the knight of the hand- loom thought,
by one who had been driven by adversity and per-
secution to a just desperation ; yet, by one who had
not quite lost his powers of reflection, or of calcu-
lating the consequences of a rash act, he returned
answers that were most encouraging and consolatory.

So eloquent at last did Simon get, when he now
resolutely set about persuading away all obstacles, —
so thoroughly iodeed did he succeed in removing
them, — so enticing a course of argument did he take
up in favour of the advantages attendant on marrying
at once, without waiting to deliberate, which, he de-
clared, always brought doubt and mistrust,-^ — so com-
pletely did he make it appear that those who deli-

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 209

berate on matrimony are like those who deliberate
going into a cold bath, who, instead of plunging in
at once, stand on the brink waiting and considering,
until they at last begin to shiver and turn away in
disgust, — and so entirely did he succeed in drawing
a bright picture of wedded love and happiness, and
80 on, that his visitor almost began to regret that
he had not brought any lady to the King''8 Head
or the Hall, for whom, as the priest suggested, he
might send.

This only shows how weak and irresolute human
nature is ; how we may be won over to do a thing
which, but five minutes before, we had no idea of;
and how easily we may be persuaded to go astray
when the devil becomes our counsellor. Simon's
new friend, however, nobly triumphed over tempta-
tion, for the possibility of yielding thereunto was
beyond his reach. Of a truth, he never was mar-
ried at Gretna, and he hopes he never may.

But all this time he had totally failed in obtaining
a glimpse at the important books of Register, for
the priest was wary, cautious, and jealous. Hints
would not do ; direct questions were unavailing ; and
therefore, dissembler that he was, he now " veered
his mayne sheete," as Edmund Spenser made one
of his crafty heroes do in a difficult case, and baited
his treacherous hooks with an irresistible morsel of
sweet flattery.

Who be they that declare it is only women that
nibble at this gentle ? Peradventure, it is not
women who say so, but rather those who would

210 VISIT TO

seek to disown such a weakness in their own sex,
by essaying to naturaUze it as pertaining inseparably
to the other.

No matter ; he enlarged upon Simon's widely ex-
tended fame — upon the sanctity of his calling-^his
honourable position — his exclusiveness and note, as
being the much sought after by all the noble and
the simple who might be in duresse — and the un-
deniable fact of his being the custos rotulorum or
librorum Registrorum.

Hard, indeed, must the weaver have been if he
could have resisted all this : the bait was taken, and
the float disappeared under the water.

He was palpably touched when he was assured
that his fame had found its way far south of the
border ; and being now awakened to his own im-
portance as custodier of the sacred volumes, he evi-
dently betrayed traces of being pleased with himself;
and when a person is pleased with himself, it is a
sure argument that he is also pleased with those
who may be around him. Like the toad in the
fable, he began to swell up at the idea of his own
pride of place ; so that (in his own eyes) he soon
became twice as big a man as he had been only
a few minutes ])efore. At length, going to a closet,
he produced the very books.

For one half hour did these two amuse them-
selves in turning over the variously written pages,
the priest satisfying his visitor'*8 curiosity touching
many of the personages whose names there appeared.
Truly, he was not a little amused at what he saw

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 211

laid open to his wondering eyes; for almost every
page turned up something to speculate upon ; the
noble, the gentle, the illustrious, the notorious, the
wealthy, the wicked, the wild, the gay, — ^there they
were, manifestly, undeniably.

Before we bade this worthy dignitary farewell,
we had yet one other small matter of business to
transact with him : and that was, to obtain a mar-
riage certificate, such as is employed in the true,
legitimate, and usual mode of performing the cere-
mony at Gretna. At first he hesitated, thinking,
that when we should be in possession of this paper,
we might go and get united to the lady who was
concealed, as he believed, at the King'^s Head, with-
out his assistance or co-operation, by somebody else,
and of course to his prejudice. These scruples were
natural enough ; and it was not until after we had
solemnly declared that our main object in coming
to Springfield was partly owing to a fatal curiosity,
which we would gladly cast off upon the other sex
if we could, and partly for the purpose of collecting
authentic materials for a standard work ; that, in-
deed, we were only an innocent tourist returning
from the Highlands ; that we had not any intention
whatever of being wedded within the bounds of his
parish ; and that, to satisfy him in every point,
we would pledge him our word, our honour, and
all we held sacred, that if peradventure we really
should be married there, though totally against our
present purpose, of a truth, nobody else besides him-
self should perform the office for us.

2\2 VISIT TO

These protestations, so seriously pronounced, served
to overrule every objection ; and when the weaver
heard a broad silver piece ring upon the table, he
produced the certificate with most admired readiness.

At such time of the arrival of the disobedient
children at the Hall, or other hostel, who have con-
spired betwixt themselves to run away from home,
and have, by means of certain subtle contrivances and
stratagems, succeeded in eluding parents or other
keepers, and have actually declared their intention
and most foul design of thus perpetrating matrimony,
then will such a certificate be duly called into im-
mediate requisition.

We believe we have elsewhere declared that mine
host requires no elaborate explanation as to the
motives for the visit ; for those who live upon sin
in others readily anticipate iniquity, even before it
is pointed out to them.

The spaces left blank in the paper are filled up
with the names and places of abode of the parties,
(here shown in italics) ; and then they subscribe
their names at the right hand lower corner, whilst
two witnesses (who may be the innkeeper and the
postilion) do the same on the other side of the
document.

This is all that is necessary to constitute a legal
and binding marriage, and the certificate is always
a sufficient voucher that it has taken place. It often
happens, let it be recorded, that the fugitives from
England, in spite of tiieir iniquity in pursuing this
course, are not without some good still lingering

THE GRETNA PRIEST. 21S

in their minds. They are not married beneath the
roof of Mother Church, because, peradventure, they
could not get the knot tied there ; but, owing to
impeding circumstances, they were enforced to fly
to Scotland, although they would have preferred
the church if possible. Thus, they really look upon
the ceremony in a religious view, and would rather
have availed themselves of a clergyman ; but, sooner
than not get married at all, supposing them bent
upon so doing, they have had recourse to such simply
legal forms, by way of pis aller, as the enactments
of the land recognise to be valid.

For such piously disposed elopers, even the priests
of Gretna have provided. For those, indeed, who
wish to throw a greater air of sanctity over the
transaction, than the usual hasty and profane mode
of procedure seems to carry with it, these digni-
taries will pronounce the following words, namely :
— " What God has joined together, let no man put
asunder." In many instances, howbeit, methinks
that to say these words were but to utter sheer
blasphemy. This is not all ; in some cases, if the
parties require it, they will repeat the Lord's Prayer,
and the native artist who painted the sign of the
"Gretna Wedding" appears to have had this idea
in his head when engaged about that work; for
the blacksmith is there represented kneeling down,
with an open book on the anvil before him, (no book
is required, generally speaking,) and with his clasped
hands raised, as in the attitude of prayer.

Should " the happy couple " choose to abide at

214 VISIT TO THE GRETNA PRIEST.

the Hall for a space, they will there find passable
good accommodation ; David Laing has assured us
that the cellar contains " the best of shumpine ;"
and ourself can aver that there are divers knotty-
limbed trees around the laM-^n, whereon those who
have " married in haste," and have afterwards weep-
ingly discovered their mistake, can hang themselves
up by the neck in the wind, and there dry their
tears whilst they " repent at leisure."

EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE AT GRETNA. 215

CHAPTER XVII.

Expenses of Marriage at Gretna.

How much it costs at Gretna Green, ,

To buy a wife is told :
And also how, in days of yore.

Ladies were bought and sold.

He who goes out to purchase unto himself some
rare and beauteous jewel, will, at such a time, very
naturally put forth this sequent question, to wit : —
How much will it cost .'*

In the same way, also, he who buys the rare
jewel of his lady-love at the marriage mart of Gretna
Green, that he may enrich his bosom by the adorn-
ment thereof, will discover, perhaps, how much it
has cost, after the purchase has been achieved, if
it should happen that he had omitted to inquire
touching that matter before.

Owing to the enlightenment of the times, and
owing to the privileges which that enhghtenment
has given to the deUcious torments of our livee^—
the last and most perfect moiety of creation — we
do not now seek to purchase these adornments until
we have first wrung from them, with much per-

216 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

severance and importunity, a sweet and condescend-
ing consent.

But in laying siege to these fair fortresses, where-
fore should they persist in deafening their ears to a
petition which, after all, is not disagreeable to them ?
And why should they withhold the immediate bestowal
of that heart within them, when they know that they
are really desiring nothing so much as to surrender
it at once — free, whole, perfect, and entire ?

Let them answer these queries (which they will
not do) ; for what man ever explored the labyrinth
of a lady's bosom ?

In purchasing wives, the sums expended in the
form of anxiety, vexation, and trouble, are enorm-
ous : but with this bullion we have not so much to
do in the present chapter, as we have with more pal-
pable mint-metal commonly used in barter. As re-
gards the former species of coin, a man hopes, (no
matter with what certain or uncertain grounds of
reason,) that the moment his purchase is concluded,
all further calls upon his purse will immediately
cease ; but, as regards the latter, we assure him
that the case is different ; — that his expenses will
not cease, even when the purchase is completed.

In some instances his expenditure in vexation, and
so on, continues to be a matter of ruin during the
whole course of his existence : he had perchance
disbursed sums incalculable during the expensive pe-
riod of courtship, when every thought by day was
perplexing, and every dream by night was anxious ;

AT GRETNA. 217

but had consoled himself throughout this period,
by the reflection, that as soon as his jewel should
be his own, all this would immediately be over,
and that his years would then flow on in peace
and economy. If it ever happens otherwise, and if
gentle swains are ever out in their sweet calculations,
the cases are rare indeed ; and as we do not love to
anticipate evil, seeing that it always comes in this
world quite soon enough without anticipation, we
will not speculate in this vein any ftirther.

The business we have in hand is — how much base
and most despisable dross, commonly called gold, will
be wheedled out of a bridegroom for being executed
at Gretna Green ?

This question cannot be answered bluntly in few
words, as — sixpence, — a shilling, — a pound, — twenty
pounds, — but requires an if^ a perhaps, or one or two
suppositions connected with yourself, your lady, the
mode in which you travel, the appearance you make,
and one or two other contingencies.

Sometimes men have bought wives very cheaply,
and — have paid dearly for it afterwards. It is,
however, better to pay a good price at first, and
there's an end of all further trouble.

We recollect, that not many years ago, a man
took his wife into the market-place, in one of the
midland towns of England, and made it known to all
whom it might concern, that he had repaired thither
for the sincere purpose of vending his merchandise.
And certain it is, as the tradition runs, a customer

VOL. II. L

218 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

came and negotiated, and actually bought this dainty
morsel of wares, for the solace and adornment of his
bosom ; and the outlay that he entered into was the
veritable sum of three shillings sterling money of this
realm.

Now, this man had a decided bargain ; some said
they both had — but never mind ; the buyer had so,
beyond all question. In the first place, he had expe-
rienced no impoverishing dissipation in the troubles of
a long courtship ; no expenditure of anxiety — of de-
sire — of yearning — of hope deferred ; with a light
heart, and a clear eye, such as bespoke a good night's
rest, he had come into the market, where, for three
shillings, he had done as great a deed as costs most
other men perhaps twice as much — or nearly. It
was cheap certainly — very cheap ; but the tradition
does not say whether his little expenses ended here,
or whether he " paid dearly for it" afterwards.

In the annals of the town of Dunstable, there is an
entry, which sets forth how a man and all his family
were sold for the particular sum of one mark — an
ancient coin worth thirteen shillings and four pence ;
but this fact, albeit some antiquaries have held it
remarkable, as going to prove that slavery existed in
England so late as the year 1283, (the date of the
entry,) is not worthy the reader's attention, as it is
only history, and not tradition.

The passage itself runs thus :— " This yeare wee
soulde our slaue by byrth, William Pike, and alle his
familie, and received one marke firom the buyere."

AT GRETNA. 219

The Javans do not always purchase their help-
mates like the swain in the market, but sometimes
have recourse to a very pleasant species of lottery.
This lottery, in one sense, is highly to be commended ;
because, owing to its nature and principle, a player
who throws a hazard therein, cannot cast the die
rather for the portion than the lady, as gamblers in
other climes will now and then do. And, let it be
observed, that to many of these prizes that may be
thus drawn out, vast portions of metallic dross are at-
tached ; — a fact however, after all, not to be won-
dered at, when looked into; for we know that to
every thing of refined purity a certain portion of
dross is attached ; but which, in comparison with the
more estimable part, is but dross indeed.

At Samarang, a large town in the island of Java,
there is an establishment devoted to this purpose,
wherein all the orphan children, as well rich as poor,
are nurtured and brought up. The governors and
superintendents of this building are enjoined, under
engagements the most obligatory and binding, to
maintain a sacred silence as to the fortunes of the fair
inmates ; so that those gentle juvenals who come to
woo, cannot deceive themselves with regard to the
object of their adoration ; or, by a mistake, woo a store
of gold where they ostensibly went to woo a lady.

These fortunes are placed in the safe custody of
certain tnistworthy persons, usually residing at Bata-
via, the metropolis of the country, on whom similar

injunctions of secresy are imposed ; and it is under-

h 2

220 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

stood that these young damsels consider this asylum
their home until they are married.

No regulations with regard to the rank of the
bachelor, who may come and select wheresoever his
flickering fancy may direct, have been enacted ; no
matter who he is, or what he is, supposing him of
creditable reputation, he may, in this flower garden,
cull at pleasure, so long as he possesses one requisite,
and that is, he must be well and truly seized of an in-
come of 730 florins a year, or two florins a day — say,
a hundred a year English. This presupposes him of
fair and honest repute ; this gives him the entre, and
sets the whole market before him " where to choose."

He then falls in love, and, if no just impediment
exists, he marries the lady of his selection, of course,
utterly ignorant of the amount of dross that pertains
to this seven times refined ingot of purity.

Some days after the catastrophe, it is made known
to him the portion that his wife has brought ; and
thus it is plain that his choice could not have been
biassed by any sordid motives of gain.

We are assured that a servant of the Military Hos-
pital— albeit a servant possessed of the qualifications,
— ^lately selected a damsel in this chance way, who
was discovered to be worth 65,000 florins ; and since
his good fortune, the applications have been very
urgent, the more so, as it is reported that there is a
young lady in the establishment who has no less than
200,000 florins at her disposal.

At Gretna Green the universally established maxim

AT GRETNA. J?21

amongst the priests is, in their dealings towards those
who fly thither over Solway Moss without seeing it,
to get as much as they can.

We think we have already somewhere hinted that
there exists no regular and fixed demand, either by
law or custom; but that when the bridegroom and
the official meet, they are at liberty to struggle with
each other much in the same way that two rivals in
worldly fame are won''t to do ; — one, very likely,
is striving all he can to mount as high as possible,
whilst the other is using every exertion to keep him
down.

This practice, where the bridegroom has been in-
formed of its existence before his arrival, is often the
parent of much chaffering and ingenuity on both sides ;
at times producing a species of diamond-cut-diamond
inter-negotiation. And the worst of this kind of com-
bat is, that it is in many cases left to the honour of
the party as to how long he shall contend, and when
he shall give in — a position that defeats a delicate or
sensitive person at once.

Pennant tells us, that when he and his friends were
pretending a matrimonial negotiation with the fisher-
man, and that, when they expressed a wish to know,
amongst other preliminaries, what the expenses would
be, the fisherman eyed them attentively, and then
said he would leave it to their " honour." He eyed
them thus scrutinizingly, to discover by their air,
mien, and appearance, how much, in all probability,
they might be able to afford ; and then he cautiously

22S EXPENSES OP MARRIAGE

declined naming any sum, but left it to their honour,
or their discretion, or their generosity, or, more pro-
perly, to their ignorance of the usages of Gretna ;
hoping that this ignorance, combined with the jingling
of the word " honour "" in their ears, might be the
means of instigating them to give more than even his
impudence, or lack of that honour, could demand.

It is a want of knowledge of the usual customs in
that parish that has too often made a bridegroom give
a sum ten times greater than he might or ought to
have given. His generosity at such a moment is
taken advantage of by the set of extortioners by
whom he is surrounded — a fact that is neither fair,
just, nor honourable ; but what care they, so that they
carry on a thriving business ? He goes there in a
hurry, ignorant of their practices, and perhaps under
the idea that there exist certain legal fees to be paid,
and that beyond these they cannot and dare not go :
but, to his dismay (if he is of a generous or confiding
disposition), he discovers that everything is left to his
" honour " — a qualification which he secretly wishes
he was devoid of on that most especial occasion.

In order to feel his way, and to sound these swin-
dlers, he asks what is usual amongst the generality
of visitors who repair there ? Alack ! this is asking
good counsel of his enemies ; it is seeking that which
it is neither their interest or their purpose to give :
it is seeking figs among thistles, and bread among
stones.

They say that it is customary not to be mean or

AT GRETNA. 223

ungenerous when a gentleman comes to Gretna Green ;
that his friends there have done more for him, in
uniting him to the lady that best he loved, than any
body in England was able to do for him ; that now
he was so happy, he surely could not grudge hand-
somely paying those that had made him so ; that it
was a joyful thing that didn't happen often in a man"'s
life (and fortunately, too, thinks he) ; that different
gentlemen gave differently, according to their gene-
rosity and kindness (not means or ability) ; and that,
indeed, some good gentlemen had given 60^., and
some excellent ones had not minded 100?. !

This is the strain they pursue ; and in such a case,
after such a tirade, what is to be done ?

Such is the position of those who repair thither
ignorant of the modes of proceeding amongst these
gentlemen in black, (not black cloth ;) but those who
go, previously having been made acquainted with
their swindling tricks, are better prepared to resist
them with advantage to themselves.

Custom, howbeit, is oftentimes stronger than law,
and will achieve that which law may be too impotent
to do. Custom here (as established by their re-
verences) is all powerful, and is able to enforce prac-
tices which no law sanctions, and which no justice
could approve.

The only thing to be said in defence of the extor-
tion is, that none need go there and submit to it if
they did not choose ; if they object to it, let them
keep away. Such a course of reasoning, even if

224 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

allowed to be irrefragable, were but a slender conso-
lation to the lover, or lovers, who were dying with
impatience and anxiety to have that knot tied at
Gretna which they could not get tied elsewhere.
" As good to die and go as die and stay," are the
words which a swain would repeat when placed in a
dilemma so perplexing.

We are assuredly of opinion that this cupidity
ought not to be encouraged ; for, although lovers
may be under obligations to the officials f6r their
services, still they are not under obligations to the
Gretna priests individually, as any other persons
whatsoever would answer the purpose equally well ;
and therefore, a rational amount of remuneration
ought to satisfy these land sharks ; and if it did not,
owing to the corruptions that prevail, it is high time
they were taught better.

Shakspere says, that " he is well paid who is well
satisfied;" but he does not say, that he who is not
satisfied with a fair recompense, ought to be paid
more and more until he is. If such were the case
with traffic in general between man and man, a rare
field indeed for discontent and extortion would be
opened to the world ; but the custom and practices
north of the Sark, in some instances, appear almost to
have come up to this.

We repeat, that it is not our object in this most
veritable history, to pave a road to Gretna Green for
all whom it may concern, or to invite persons to
repair thither to be wedded, who might otherwise

AT GRETNA. 225

not have thought of it ; but simply, like a good his-
toriographer as we are, to record facts as we culled
them on the spot, sincerely hoping that none will
make an evil use of that, wherein no evil was in-
tended. We feel, however, that these our pages
would never of themselves be able to instigate to such
a step ; but that the sole and great instigator would
ever be love, accompanied by prevention and diffi-
culties. We all along deprecate a course so unwise; if
there ever be any in time to come, who may be afflict-
ed with this " madness most discreet," and who, yield-
ing to its influence, are weak enough to go there, in
that case, we think that these volumes will put them
up to a trick or two, which will enable them to cope
with these worthy priests, and thereby to save them-
selves the unnecessary expenditure of many a stamp-
ed piece of glittering mint metal ; which glittering
pieces were much better handed over to their newly
made brides to purchase a guard ring or other trinket
— an act which is nothing more in a husband than
putting his purse out of one hand into the other.

Tacitus informs us, that the ancient Germans
played at games of hazard with a most insatiable
fondness ; and that when they had staked and lost
all they possessed, they would hazard their wives,
and lose them. Matters are now diametrically op-
posite. In the present day we play at games of
equal hazard for the ladies; only that instead of playing
to lose them, we hazard everything in order to win and
obtain them. Thus it will be seen that the times are

L 5

226 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

amazingly changed, but changed, most assuredly, for
the better.

Formerly men purchased their wives because they
looked upon them as creatures inferior to themselves,
even as we now purchase a cow or a sheep ; now,
however, we purchase theip because we are more
aware of their value than ever the ancients were —
because we look upon them as creatures too glorious
to live without — and because we are not complete or
perfect in ourselves unless coupled with that moiety
which at once raises us to dignity, respect, and honour
before all the world. But, in making these sweet
purchases now-a-days, we willingly give as much
more for the fair merchandise, in so far as we esti-
mate it above what our long-forgotten ancestors did ;
— we give up our earthly possessions for their use —
we give our heart — in fine, we give up our whole
selves. After that, what else have we to give ? It
would be difficult to say.

A bachelor is a nobody — he is nothing — he is of no
consideration — of no dignity; he has no home — no
local tie ; he is a vagabond on the face of the earth.
But when he gets rid of the stigma of bachelorship,
and becomes mated with beauty and virtue, he is at
once a person of honour ; he establishes a home — he
has a local habitation — ay, and a name too ; he
rises in importance, — mankind, as by common con-
sent, pay him deference ; he is a householder — a trust-
worthy person ; lastly, he has now rank — before, he
had none.

AT GRETNA. 227

In obtaining his rank, however, we would again
counsel him to get it in a respectable way. Don
Quixote would have received a more dignified knight-
hood, had the sword been laid on his lank shoulder by
a sovereign rather than by an innkeeper; and a
bachelor wiU be advanced with greater dignity and
credit by a churchman under an arched roof, than
by £t weaver under the smoky ceiling of a country
tavern.

" Choose not alone a proper mate,
But proper place to marry."

These words of Mr. Cowper are good advice, and
we readily lay hold of them in support of our argu-
ment ; modestly thinking, that our own efiiisions
alone would not meet with any thing like the defer-
ence that a name so well known as his must com-
mand. If the reader were to run away with the
idea that we were a bachelor, (an idea which, perad-
venture, might be preposterously erroneous,) we know
that we should gain no respect at ail after what we
have above said : and if we do not quote Cowper on
the authority of a married, or promoted man, we can
at all events quote him with the assurance that his
fame alone is of creditable weight.

That funny wag whom we accidentally encountered
at Carlisle, as before noticed, merrily narrated how he
posted over the Moss of Solway without seeing one
bit of it, and how he was married to the maiden of
his selection, on whom he had spent vast sums (of
anxiety) by the so called " blacksmith," David Laing.

^28 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

To our inquiries as to the " damage," he returned
that he gave the veteran priest half a sovereign, though
he declared that he doubted not but he could have
done it for less, as many others had. " But then,"
continued he, " I passed for a gentleman, and there-
fore I was obliged to pay for it."

He who goes there bent on economy, had better go
in sackcloth, and mounted in a vehicle whose ap|5ear-
ance shall not indicate splendour or ostentation : he
who does not this, will most certainly have " to pay
for it."

When ourself was at Springfield, the good people
told us that the stalwart keeper of the toll-gate was
sometimes very reasonable in his demands — where he
found it impracticable to charge high. He was wary
enough to his customers, not to return a direct an-
swer even to a direct question ; but to scan their
appearance in order to make an estimate ; and then,
if at last urged to lay aside mystery or innuendo, and
name any particular sum, he took good care not to
let his conscience stand in the way of mentioning a
pretty high one.

If, notwithstanding, he has not as yet performed
the ceremony, so as to bring his visitors somewhat
into his power, — and if, they are only arranging pre-
liminaries, it is quite allowable in such negotiations to
traffic like strict men of business — to beat him down,
to curb his rapacity, and, indeed, to bring him to
reason.

Of a truth we were told, that rather than let a

AT GRETNA. 229

couple slip from his hands, whom he had succeeded in
arresting as they passed the bridge, and whom he"
feared might repair to some one of his rivals in the
village, he would unite them in the bands of holy
matrimony for the most especial sum of one shilling.

It is a very natural feeling implanted in human
nature, to achieve for ourselves the best fortune we
can ; and this propensity in the priests of Gretna, is
of remarkably strong development.

Furthermore ; if, in the first instance, having flown
at high and noble game, we afterwards discover that
such game is beyond the compass of our attainment,
we easily find means to lower our lofty pinions — to
cut the wings of our pride — to abate our demands —
and to be content with what we had previously looked
upon as unworthy and not worth having.

On tliis fact, as connected with our nature, the dig-
nitaries in this parish act ; they aim at a high mark
at first ; but in default of attaining to it, they, will
come down to that which is more on a level with
reason.

All these things will let the reader know a truth
of which many persons in distant parts have doubted,
and which some few have argued, to wit, — that there
is no fixed charge acknowledged either by law or
usage, that the priests always try to get as much as
they can, and, let us add, that the bridegroom ought
always to try and pay as little as he can.

230 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

CHAPTER XVIII.

Expenses of Marriage at Gretna, continued.

As chapter last could not contain

All that we had to say,
The self-same subject goes amain

Much in the self-same way.

A MERITORIOUS Writer who inhabits in the town of
Dumfries, or at least, who did so a short space ago,
nigh to the region whose history is contained in these
pages, — a writer whose habitation being so little re-
moved away, has necessarily been an eye-witness
and a local gossip of many of the executions that
have befallen ; and again, a writer whose information
may be accepted as authentic, owing to his proximity;
this writer has penned a few pleasant facts touching
the usages of the Gretna Green ecclesiastics, espe-
cially that particular one of the loving churchman
from the south, which facts, under permission, we
will display in the commencement of this chapter.

We like to see an author quote: we are some-
times glad to do it in these pages. It shows that an
author does not advance things on his own imperti-
nent authority ; it shows that he pays deference to
others who practise the same art as himself.

AT GRETNA. 231

" There are,"" says this fellow-labourer, " two rival
practitioners at Springfield, one of whom married
Paisley's grand-daughter, and fell heir to his office,
in much the same way that some persons acquire the
right of vending quack medicines.

" Still," he continues, very rightly, " the other
gets a good deal of custom ; and here, as in every-
thing else, competition has been favourable to the in-
terests of the public. Though a bargain is generally
made before hand, a marriagemonger who has no
rival to fear, might fix his fee at any sum he pleased;
and instances have occurred, in which the parties
complained they had been too heavily taxed.

" Not long before my visit to Springfield, a young
English clergyman, who had failed to procure his
father's consent, arrived for the purpose of being
married without it. The fee demanded was thirty
guineas, a demand at which his reverence demurred ;
at the same time stating, that though he had married
many a couple, his highest fee never exceeded half-
a-guiuea. The clergyman, in fact, had not so much
money about him ; but it was agreed that he should
pay ten pounds in hand, and grant a promissory note
for the balance ; and the bill, certainly a curiosity of
its kind, was regularly negotiated through a Carlisle
banking-house, and as regularly retired at the time
appointed. And here I must mention a circumstance
which has not been provided for in the late bill anent
comJ)inations ; though it manifestly tends to aug-
ment the tax on irregular marriages. At Springfield

2S2 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

there are two inns, as well as two priests, one of
which inns each of the latter patronizes exclusively.
More than this, the house at which the lover arrives
at Springfield depends entirely at what inn he starts
from at Carlisle. Though he may wish to give a
preference, and issue positive orders on the subject,
these orders are uniformly disobeyed. The postboys
will only stop at one house ; and that for the best of all
reasons, namely, that the priest, knowing the value of
their patronage, goes snacks with them in the pro-
ceeds. Except in cases of sickness, or absence, the
priests never desert their colours. All the guests of

the one house are married by Mr. , and of the

other, by Mr. Elliott; so that those who are most
deeply concerned, have very little to say in the
matter. The latter of these personages, who has
lately retired from his calling, or rather been de-
prived of his ancient office by thef usurpation of an
inn-keeper, published about a year ago a little volume
of memoirs containing many amusing instances of his
experience as a Gretna priest. His book is well
worth reading. The following is one of his nume-
rous and interesting anecdotes, and was told him by
his predecessor, Joseph Paisley.

" A young Englisli lady, daugliter of a wealthy old baronet, of
one of the Midland counties, had fixed her affections on the son of
a neighbouring gentleman, of considerable landed property, who
had paid his addresses to her for some time, they having
been, as it were, brought up together, and both their families ap-
peared to approve of their courtship. But, ' the course o0true
love never did nui smooth,' and they were doomed to experience

AT GRETNA. 233

the truth of this old saying ; for about the time they began to
think of finishing their courtship by marriage, it became suddenly
public that the old Squire, the young gentleman's father, was in
very embarrassed circumstances, owing to his fondness for betting
on horse-races, then much in fashion, and gambling, vices which
he had long indulged in, almost in secret, and to a ruinous extent,
little dreamed of by the world, more especially his own neighbour-
hood. His son, I believe, consented to the sale of the largest por-
tion of the family estate, to rescue his father from his difficulties,
and both became poor gentlemen, characters which the world did
not fail quickly to discover, and appreciate accordingly. The
youth was the first victim, being immediately forbid visiting the
house of his fair lady, by the old Baronet, who, in the good old
fashion of fathers in those days, soon gave her to understand that
she must think no more of her first lover, ^ut prepare to receive
one of his choosing, and whom he had already invited to com-
mence his courtship. This was, in due course conveyed to her
lover, with whom she still managed to keep up a correspondence,
and even to meet occasionally, and the result was, he succeeded in
persuading her to elope with him to Gretna, and that on the very
night of the arrival of the new suitor for her hand. The young
couple set off for the north. The old Baronet was, it appears,
almost frantic with rage on being informed of his daughter's elope- .
ment, and, having armed himself with pistols, immediately pur-
sued, attended by his friend, both threatening the young man with
death should they overtake him. The young pair having ttfkcn
their measures well, speedily arrived at Gretna, and lost no time
in summoning the assistance of Mr. Paisley, who always declared
them to have been the handsomest, and best matched couple, he
had ever performed this office for, and they were, by him, in due
form, married before proper witnesses, and a regular certificate
signed and given them. Upon the completion of the ceremony,
the young gentleman, taking Mr. Paisley aside, briefly told him
the circumstances of the case, and that he expected pursuit, and
asked what he would recommend them to do. I believe Mr.
Paisley's prudential considerations had more influence with the
timid, blushing girl, than the soft pleadings of her young husband,
and she at length suffered herself to be conducted to the nuptial
chambcV, as it was always called, it being the custom for parties
dreading immediate pursuit, to retire there soon after the perform-

234 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

ance of the ceremony, in order that the consummation of the mar-
riage might be added as an additional bar to their separation, or
any endeavour to set it aside. In the middle of the night the in-
mates of the little inn were alarmed by the sudden arrival of a
chaise and four horses, driven at the top of their speed, and pre-
sently the old Baronet and his friends alighted, and began to
thunder at the door and window shutters, with the butt ends of
their pistols, till the former was opened by the frightened landlord,
only just in time to prevent its being broken in. The terror of the
poor girl in the meanwhile, can be better imagined than described,
while the young man began hurrying on some clothes, intending
to hasten to her father, and endeavour to appease him. The
excited father having gained admittance, fiercely interrogated
the trembling landlord, whom he threatened with instant death
if he did not show Jiim where the fugitives were hid. The
landlord, while ascending the stairs , which he did as slow as his
impatient and unwelcome guest would permit, endeavoured to
smooth the old man with the usual common-place consolations
for his too late arrival, and unfortunately, as a last resource
happened to mention the fact of their having consummated
the marriage as a reason for the old marplot, 'to grin and
bear it,* and the unfortunate catastrophe which ensued was
always attributed by Mr. Paisley to this imprudent conduct on
the part of the landlord.

" The old gentleman had reached the landing of the staircase,
and was close to the door of the room in which were his daughter
and her husband, as the landlord made this last remark, which
increased his irritation in such a degree, that he instantly rushed
against the door, wliich yielding to his force, he at once stood be-
fore his terrified daughter and her lover, at the latter of whom he
instantly presented one of the pistols he held in his hand. On
seeing this, the poor girl jumped from the bed in her night dress,
to interpose between them, but, alas ! only in time to fall upon her
lover's lifeless body, for, before she could prevent it, her father
nad fired with fatal effect. At the report of tlie pistol, the alarmed
household hastened to the room, where they were shocked at the
scene which met their view. Weltering in his blood which flowed
from the wound in his breast, lay the unfortunate youth, upon
whom his bride, now a widow, had fallen, and whose night-dress
was stained with the sanguine stream, while the grim father stood

AT GRETNA. ^ 235

looking on in a sort of stupefaction, the fatal weapon still in his
hand. One domestic, bolder than the rest, would have seized
him, but was deterred by the weapon he still held, and with
which he threatened to shoot the first person who should impede
his actions. With the assistance of his friend, who had now
joined him, he raised his daugliter from the floor, and hastily
wrapping her in some cloaks, carried her to his chaise, into which,
having put her clothes, he and his friend jumped, and immediately
drove off, she still continuing insensible. On the arrival of Mr.
Paisley, who had been sent for, he found the murderer had gone,
and was exceedingly angry with the landlord, first, for having per-
mitted him to enter the house, seeing his excited state, and know-
ing him to be armed, and then for letting him escape, which, had
he been there would not have happened, as he declared, that in
the excitement of the moment, he should not have hesitated to
have taken his life, rather than have let him escape ; and being a
very determined man, there is little doubt he would have kept his
word.

** On his trial for this crime, the counsel for the old man made
it appear that he had done it only in self-defence, and I believe he
got off free, but found reason to repent his cruelty, as his daughter
never recovered the shock, but died soon after broken hearted ;
after which, finding himself hated, and shunned by all his former
friends and neighbours, he retired to the Continent, where he
spent the remainder of his existence."

" But to return to financial matters. From first
to last, it may be said, that the fond pair are, as it
were, passively transported from their own homes of
single blessedness, at once into a foreign country and
a state of matrimony, without any pains on their
part, but simply what consists in ' paying as they
go along.'

" In this way something like a monopoly still
exists ; and what is more strange still, not only the
postboy who drives a couple, but his companions, and

236 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

the whole litter of the inn-yard, are permitted to
share in the profits of the day.

" The thing is viewed in the light of a windfall,
and the proceeds are placed in a sort of fee-fund, to
be afterwards shared in such proportions as the parties
see fit. Altogether, the marrying business must bring
a large sum annually into Springfield : indeed, an inha-
bitant confessed that it is, ' the principal benefit and
support of the place ;' although he might have added,
that smuggling has lately become a rising and rival
means of subsistence. Upon an average three hun-
dred couples are married in the year : and half-a-
guinea is the lowest fee that is ever charged.

" But a trifle like that is only levied from poor
and pedestrian couples ; and persons even in the mid-
dle ranks of life are compelled to pay much more
handsomely. Not long before I visited Springfield,
a gentleman had given forty pounds ; and independ-
ently of the mopey that is spent in the inns, many
hundreds must find their way into the pockets of the
priests, and their concurrents the postboys. In its
legal eflfect, the ceremony performed at Gretna merely
amounts to a confession before witnesses that certain
persons are man and wife ; and the reader is aware
that little more is necessary to constitute a marriage
in Scotland : — a marriage which may be censured by
church courts, but which is perfectly binding in
regard to property, and the legitimacy of the chil-
dren. Still, a formula has a considerable value in
the eyes of the fair, and the priests, I believe, read

AT GRETNA. 237

a considerable part of the English marriage service,
offer up a prayer or two, require the parties to join
hands, [their hearts being joined before,] sign a
record, and so forth.

" At my request Mr. Elliott produced his marriage
record, which, as a public document, is regularly kept,
and which, to say the truth, would require to be so,
seeing that it is sometimes tendered as evidence in
court."

Now, look you : — The above writer says that
" half a guinea is the lowest fee ever charged ; '"■ but
we are certain, that, when we were there, the worthy
keeper of the toll-gate would have gladly accommo-
dated us, had we been so determined, for a much
less sum.

Pennant even goes much further than this, for he
talks " of a dram of whisky." Perchance the charges
have risen since his time ; for extortion, like other
practices in iniquity, does not attain to its full ex-
treme of superlativeness at first ; but commences by
little and little, and increases by time and opportu-
nity.

" Here the young couple," he observes, " may be
instantly united by a fisherman, a joiner, or a black-
smith, who marry from two guineas a joh to a dram
of whisky ; but the price is generally adjusted by the
information of the postilions from Carlisle, who are
in pay of one or other of the above worthies ; but
even the drivers, in case of necessity, have been
known to undertake the sacerdotal office.*^

EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

Prices and iniquity have evidently increased since
the days of greater simpHcity in, which Pennant tra-
velled.

In " Brewster's Edinburgh Encyclopsedia"" there is
a calculation, which shows that in the year 1815 the
number of marriages performed in this parish was
sixty-five. The number for other years is not so
directly given; but the sixty-five for 1815 is esti-
mated as being a fair average for a pretty long series
of years, one taken with the other.

This is further pursued. Fifteen guineas is taken
as the medium product of each marriage — a proof
that by the year 1815 the prices had far advanced
over what they had previously been ; and this sum
will bring into the hands of the Gretna priests and
their associates an annual income of above 1000^.

It is rather a strange thing that these dignitaries are
not more fat and sleek in their appearance than they
most assuredly are, seeing that, if these calculations
be just, — and they have been made by those whose
credit is unimpeachable, — they ought to be able to
dress in lawn sleeves, and to dwell in stately palaces.
The fact is, they are an ignorant and improvident
race ; and the money that comes unlooked-for, easily
and abundantly, is not held at its true value, but is
wantonly and as easily dissipated away. He who
has ten pounds in his pocket to-day, is ready to
squander it, when he reflects that perhaps to-mor-
row will replenish the void, and add more to the sum.

In the year 1826, owing to the ill &vour which

AT GRETNA.

such a disgracefiil system found in the eyes of the
Eork, the General Assembly made an attempt to put
a stop to it, by taking preliminary steps against the
Gretna priests, and by commencing a regular eccle-
siastical campaign. The object, howbeit, was not
effected ; and so they have pursued their course.

Another Scotchman, who wrote before the passing
of the recent Marriage Act of 6 and 7 Will. IV.,
wherein facilities are offered, such as previously did
not obtain, considered it as "a sort of safety-valve to
the rigid system of ^he English Church, in regard to
matrimony. But it is impossible," he continues, " to
use terms of sufficient reprobation and abhorrence in
alluding to the base panders, from the inn-keepers of
Carlisle to the kennel-boys of Springfield, who make
it the means of supporting their villanous and con-
temptible existence."

Thus it will be seen, that the respectable Scotch
themselves do not look with much approbation on the
proceedings of these conspirators.

" Surely," says Dr. Dibdin, in his Tour, " Surely,
the only available and effectual remedy would be a
statutable declaration against the legality or validity
of such matches ; and then the fisherman^s occupa-
tion is gone.*^

Such a statute, however, is not very likely to be
enacted ; and the liberalization of the English law, as
it now stands, is calculated to render such an enact-
ment much less necessary than it was before.

If the rigid act of Lord Hardwicke, in 1 754, did

240 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

much towards driving people to Gretna Green, and
thereby raising the fame and fashion of that place,
owing to the strictures he put upon those who other-
wise would have been married in England ; it is cer-
tain, that the new act of 1837, having taken those
strictures away, has aimed a most prejudicial shaft
northwards at that parish. This indirect mode of
effecting the object at which Dr. Dibdin hints, is a
much more politic, fair, and tolerant course than the
one suggested by him. To equahse facilities all over
the kingdom, is better than that such facilities should
exist in one half of it, and that harsh impediments
should obtain over the other. On this principle the
law will eventually work, when it may more gene-
rally come into usage ; and hence Gretna will in time
discover, that this statute has done it a serious in-
jury-

So little difficulties are opposed by the marriage

laws to the young bachelor, north of the Cheviots,
who would unite himself in permanent bands to the
lady of his love, that he has no need to repair to
Gretna, or any other particular parish, otherM'ise than
the one in which he lives. If a man, dwelling in
Glasgow, or Aberdeen, or Forres, or other town in
Scotland, can be wedded as easily on the spot where
he lives as elsewhere, of course he would have no
motive for removing to Gretna Hall for the purpose ;
and, in exemplification of this facility, Dr. Dibdin
relates a laconic anecdote.

" I remember/' says he, " when partaking of the

AT GRETNA. 241

hospitalities of Mr. David Laing, at Edinburgh,
[surely this cannot be the old pedlar of Springfield ?]
that Dr. Lee, towards eight o'clock, seemed to leave
the room abruptly, after looking at his watch.

" He returned within twenty minutes.

" ' What have you been about V observed the host.
' Only marrying a couple on the third flat in High
Street,' was the Doctor's reply.

*' This, with us, would have been a special licence
matter, at the cost of at least thirty pounds.""

Aristotle contends that the ancient Greeks were in-
dubitably an uncivilized people, because they bought
their wives. The ceremony of marriage, where this
obtained, was little else than the process of transfer-
ring a piece of merchandise from one person to
another — from the father to the son-in-law. Here
the lady herself appears to have been but very slen-
derly consulted as to her disposition ; but Aristotle
further says, that as these Greeks left off their bar-
barism and advanced onwards towards civilization,
they also left off this practice.

But we have said somewhere before, that even we
ourselves, now in the polished nineteenth century,
make purchases in these affairs ; but then, if this
be admitted, the very great difference in our mode
of proceeding will alter the whole nature of the trans-
action, and at once exonerate us from every charge of
barbarism.

Unlike the rude Greeks, we begin by a vast outlay
of anxiety and soUcitude on the lady's account, — so

VOL. u. M

24i2 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

vast, that many folks marvel that all bachelors are
not bankrupt long before the bridal day is fixed.
The Greeks knew nothing of this ; and the reason
of the difference is plain. At that time she was
not permitted to have a will of her own; — now-a-
days she is ftiUy possessed of that privilege ; at that
time she could not say No ; but now-a-days she is
at liberty to inflict that word at discretion.

It is to these privileges, which the enlightenment
of the age has given her, that we ascribe the altera-
tion in the manner of negotiation.

Where she could have no power to say No, of
course very little anxiety could be engendered in
the bosom of her suitor; and hence, the progress of
civilization, the exalted position of the supreme sex,
and the uncertainty of a lady's surrender, have, alto-
gether, served to increase amongst men the number
of hopeless cases of love, far over those which could
have been felt and experienced by the ancients.

But even men, when they look into the matter,
will not regret the change, however much vexation
it may be the means of bringing upon them at times.
The thing that we obtain with little difficulty, we
rarely value at its true and intrinsic worth ; but that
wliich has been purchased through the expenditure of
much disquiet and perplexity, will, when obtained, at
once assume a high position in our minds.

Let the ladies, therefore, enjoy their privileges,
which have been by degrees given to them by their
oppressors, more and more every succeeding century,

AT GRETNA. 24S

03 their capabilities and their virtues have become
more and more manifest. They will not abuse these
privileges ; they will not exercise them with caprice
or tyranny ; they will not use them for the bare
purpose of exhibiting their power ; — they know better
than all this ; there is no fear ; for, in the first place,
they have too much tenderness ; and, in the second,
they have too much judgment.

I^icholas Nicholay Daulphinois, the noble Lord of
Arfeuile, who journeyed in the East about the year
1580, tells us, that amongst the Thracians in his day,
every marriageable damsel had a price or value set
upon her, even like an article in a shop window at
present ; that any customer might buy who could
go to « t|)c prpce tiftv toere ratcH at ;" that when any
bachelors had been able thus to purchase their wives,
they looked upon them with much devotion, ** bp
xtaion l^tv bou^t tf)tmt att a greats pr^ce oS tf^tiv
ia^exfi mti motJ^ersJ, iptciaUv t^t fairest;" but that
the ugly girls were so unfortunate as not to be able
to get lovers who would purchase them; and, con-
sequently, on the contrary, they were ** (OiStraiucTJ
to gtbe gitatt presents unto iifoit tf)at tooulU inarrp
tj^entf."

The framing of this system manifests the extreme
barbarism of the age and the country; — an age
and country wherein the beauties of the mind were
of no value — wherein a fair exterior only was con-
sidered desirable, or worth obtaining — and wherein,

peradventure, an amiable and sweet disposition, un-

M 2

244 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

accompanied by this fragile, skin-deep, transitory,
and uncertain gift, could get no one to take it, unless
richly endowed with a costly portion.

As men have ever been the masters and tyrants of
the world, the present generations of the enduring sex
in Europe, and one or two other regions, may bless
heaven for the change that has come o^er the spirit of
the times, and for having been born at a period when
their mental qualifications have had opportunities for
developing and displaying themselves — and of dis-
playing themselves in a host of so many excellent
ways, as to have taught their former masters, not
only to consider them as equals now in every sense,
but to love, honour, and respect them so much the
more, from a conviction of this very fact.

Time was, when men did not love women at all;
that is, according to the modern refined signification
of the word. Indeed, it was held to be a prepos-
terous degradation amongst the ancients of rude na-
tions, and even amongst the savage of more recent
days, for any man to be so weak as to betray affec-
tion for a woman. They were only looked upon as
animated articles of ftirniture belonging to a man's es-
tablishment, as his other chattels did. He bought his
wife as he bought his horse ; and her will, pleasure,
or consent to the transfer, were never inquired into,
or so much as thought of.

Abraham bought Rebecca for Isaac ; Jacob, having
no money to give, served Laban fourteen years for his

AT GRETNA. 245

wives instead ; Agamemnon offered his daughter as a
present to Achilles, saying that, if he liked, he might
have her without any payment ; and, by the laws of
Ethelbert, King of England, it was enacted, that if
any man injured another man's wife, he should buy
him another.

It has been said, that there exists more true and
disinterested cases of pure love amidst the middle
classes of society, than there does either in the higher
or the lower ; that the mind in the medium ranks is
not so much swayed by the desire of making powerftil
connexions, as it often is among the extreme higher,
owing to the policy with them of keeping coronets and
estates in the direct line, nor so compelled by neces-
sity in the choice of partners, as is often the fact with
the extreme lower.

Thus it is, that those of the middle ranks, who en-
joy a competency, are more free to select as a ge-
nerous and well-directed passion shall suggest, and
to allow their hearts to flutter, like a butterfly, over
that flower which to them shall appear the most
lovely.

It is remarkable that the pathetic bard of Soot-
land, wlio sung in the halls of Selma by the rush-
ing tide of Cona, should have uniformly drawn the
female character as replete with gentleness, virtue,
and exaltation.

A talented wTiter on this subject has made some
powerful remarks relating to Ossian, and the spirit

24& EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

of purity that he has infused into the heroines of
his various poems.

" That bard," says he, " describes the female character as com-
manding respect and esteem, and the Caledonian heroes as cher-
ishing for their mistresses a flame so pure and elevated as never
was surpassed, and has seldom been equalled, in those ages which
we commmonly call most enlightened.

" This is indeed, true ; and it is one of the many reasons which
have induced Johnson and others to pronounce the whole a modem
fiction.

" Into that debate we do not enter.

" We may admit the authenticity of the poems, without ac-
knowledging that they furnish any exception to our general
theory. They furnish, indeed, in the manners which they de-
scribe, a wonderful anomaly in the general history of man. All
other nations of which we read, were, in the hunter state, savage
and cruel. The Caledonians, as exhibited by Ossian, are gentle
and magnanimous.

" The heroes of Homer fought for plunder, and felt no clemency
for a vanquished foe. The heroes of Ossian fought for fame ;
and when their enemies were subdued, they took them to their
bosoms.

" Tlie first of Greeks (Achilles) committed a mean insult on
the dead body of the first of Trojans (Hector).

'* Among the Caledonians, insults oflFcred to the dead were con-
demned as infamous. The heroes of Ossian appear in no instances
as savages. How they came to be polished and refined, before
they were acquainted with agriculture and the most useful arts of
life, it is not our business to inquire ; but since they unquestiona-
bly were so, their treatment of the female sex, instead of opposing,
confirms our theory ; for we never conceived rich clothes, superb
houses, highly dressed food, or even the knowledge of foreign
tongues, to be necessary to the acquisition of a generous senti-
ment.

" Luxury, indeed, appears to be as inimical to love as barbar-
ism ; and we believe, that in modem nations, the tender and ex-
alted affection which deserves that name, is as little known
amongst the higher orders, as amongst the lowest.

" Perhaps the Caledonian ladies of Ossian resembled, in their

AT GRETNA. 247

manners, the German ladies of Tacitus, who accompanied their
husbands to the chase, fought by their sides in battle, and partook
with them of every danger. If so, they could not fail to be re-
spected by a race of heroes, among whom courage took place of
all other virtues ; and this single circumstance, from whatever
cause it might proceed, will sufficiently account for the estimation
of the female character among the ancient Germans and Caledo-
nians, so different from that in which it has been held in almost
every other barbarous nation.

" But if, among savages and the vulgar, love be unknown, it
cannot possibly be an instinctive affection ; and, therefore, it may
be asked, how it gets possession of the human heart ? and by
what means we can judge whether it be real or imaginary?

" These questions are of importance, and deserve to be fully
answered ; though many circumstances conspire to render it no
easy task to give to them such answers as shall be perfectly satis-
factory.

" Love can subsist only between individuals of the different
sexes.

" A man can hardly love two women at the same time ; and we
believe that a woman is still leu capable of loving at once more
than one man.

" Love, therefore, has a natural tendency to make men and
women pair ; — or, in other words, it is the source of marriage.
But, in polished society, where alone this affection has any place,
so many things besides mutual attachment are necessary to make-
the married life comfortable, that we rarely see young persons
uniting from the impulse of love."

Certain it is, as this writer very justly observes,
we do not often see persons marry solely because they
have fallen in love with each other ; although it is to
be lamented that impediments should prevent the
junction of their hands, when their hearts had been
previously joined by affection.

We think, however, that if no such things as im-
pediments to success existed, we should not hear of
so many cases of thorough love as we now do. In-

248 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

deed, this is but natural enough ; and will equally
apply to projects of love, or to projects of any other
nature. If we could always immediately obtain
that which we desire, so soon as the wish to possess
it had been conceived, we, of course, never could ex-
perience anxiety about the matter ; we never could be
tortured with fears of losing that object ; we never
could be taught by delay, uncertainty, or doubt, to
comprehend its true value ; and, in fact, we never
could be made to understand what glory, honour, or
satisfaction it was for us to gain a victory — because
no victory can be gained where no impediments are
offered for surmounting.

It has been observed, that love is the most perverse
passion with which we are endowed ; that it grows,
increases, and thrives most where it is most opposed.

This is true ; but there are good reasons for it.
It is only an exemplification of a part of our whole
nature ; but which may be exemplified in fifty other
cases of a different kind.

If a man sets his mind upon any other object in
the world besides a lady, he will find, that the
greater the number of obstacles that may arise to
prevent the attainment of his wishes, so much the
greater will be his desire to overcome them. If it is
a house that he has set his heart upon possessing, he
will bid higher and higher, even as the owner ex-
presses his unwillingness to sell. The great truth is,
that the desire for the possession of some one parti-
cular lady is a passion infinitely stronger than the

AT GRETNA. 249

Other can be, which craves only some inanimate ob-
ject ; as, for instance, if a man shall be disappointed in
the attainment of a certain house, he is content to put
up with another, and feels no pain^l shock done to
his feelings, that another man should possess it, enter
into it, and do with it as his pleasure shall direct ;
but if a man is disappointed of the lady that he
has set his heart upon, can he be content to put up
with another ? — and who shall tell the painful shock
that his feelings must experience, when he sees
another become possessed of her? But we for-
get ourselves ; we are not purchasing houses in this
chapter.

When a young Birman buys his lady-love to wife,
he begins by a vast outlay of anxiety and trouble, as
the Europeans do ; and then, when that has been
expended with success in the purchase of her consent,
and the bridal morning has actually arrived, he still
fiirther lays out the following, namely : — " Three Ion-
gees, or lower garments ; three tubbecks, or sashes ;
and three pieces of white muslin : also such jewels,
ear-rings, and bracelets, as his circumstances ad-
mit of.''

A Tungoose juvenal of Siberia, buys his bride of
her father for, from twenty to one hundred head of
deer ; and if it so befall that he is not wealthy
enough to do this, he follows the precedent of .Jacob,
and works a certain time at some useful labour in-
stead ; — thus giving the parent an equivalent in some

other shape.

M 5

250 EXPENSES OF MARRIAGE

We have several times mentioned instances where-
in sons-in-law give so much to their wife's father on
becoming possessed of their treasure, his daughter —
instances occurring in divers other countries besides
England ; but it has not, perhaps, struck the reader,
(nor did it strike us until this moment) that all these
instances of purchase, differ in toto from what obtains
in regard of marriages at Gretna Green.

Now, when a bachelor buys a young lady in Bri-
tain, (to say nothing of his expenses in anxiety for
her,) he generally gives his father, or mother-in-law
something — perhaps, a great deal of trouble ; but this
is not what we were going to say ; — never mind what
he gives : but when a youthful bachelor runs away to
Gretna Green, he does not give his father-in-law any-
thing whatever, not so much as a — forewarning.

All his disbursement goes to the rapacious priests
and their confederates, — persons whom, most likely,
he never saw before, and hopes he never wiU see
again, — and none to him from whom he got his prize.

We have seen how David Laing, according to his
own evidence, got i?30. or £40. out of Wakefield for
his share of the little matter that took place amongst
them at the Hall ; and how old Joe Paisley received
£300. on his death bed, for executing three couple
who suddenly made application to him.

Surely it would have been a much more equitable ar-
rangement, if at least one half of these sums had been
made over to the former possessor of that jewel, her
father, which now had become the property of an-

AT GRETNA. 251

other ; — an arrangement which the latter possessor
would readily have acceded to, as it is but natural
for us all, rather to wish to pay the person from
whom we actually get a treasure, than to pay a
set of swindling strangers, who, at best, were only
self-interested agents in the procurement of it.

Certainly and of a truth, he who has been beguiled
by love to rush within the meshes of these wolves in
sheep's clothing (broad cloth), and has afterwards,
with much difficulty, been able to fee his way out of
their clutches, hastens back over the border from the
confines of the parish with as much celerity as he
would out of a golden hell in St. James's, at the same
time blessing his stars that it is not a man's fortune
to be married every day in the week.

252 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

CHAPTER XIX.

Story of an Elopement from Bath to Gretna.

Children who marry heedlessly

Against their parents' will,
Bring trouble on them needlessly,

And do a grievous ill.

" What was that noise ? " cried a lady, suddenly
starting out of her sleep, and addressing her husband ;
" What was that noise I "

" What noise," said he peevishly, quite provoked
at being awoke : " / heard no noise."

" I declare there are footsteps on the stairs at this
time o' night ; and I heard something fall like a pair of
snuffers."

" Poo, stuff! — What nonsense you talk: — do go to
sleep and hold your tongue."

" But I 'm sure there was : — there must be thieves
in the house."

" Thieves ! How ridiculous you are ! Women
are always crying out about thieves. A mouse can't
creep out of his hole after dark to find a crumb of
bread for supper, but there must be tliieves in the
house directly ! "

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 253

" It 's no good your talking, — do get up and see,
and not lie there when there 's danger."

" Danger ! Snuffers too ! I wish you wouldnH
be so foolish, but just let me go to sleep."

And so he turned round and did go to sleep. — But
the lady was right.

Who ever took a night-candlestick in his hand,
but the chances were, that either the snuffers or the
extinguisher fell down with a terrible clatter ? We
know not how it is, but there seems to be a kind of
natural antipathy between night-candlesticks and the
snuffers or extinguishers which belong to them : whe-
ther it is that these appendages are never properly
.fixed into the little square holes made for them — the
little square hole for the Uttle square spike of the
snuffers, being against the socket that supports the
candle ; and the like little square hole for the like
little square spike of the extinguisher, being on the
inside extremity of the handle : or whether there is a
negative and positive electric stream, acting power-
fully, yet invisibly, between the one and the other,
serving to create a mutual disgust : or whether it is,
that people generally take up night-candlesticks with
more carelessness than any others : or whether there
is any further reason tending to produce this pheno-
menon, we cannot take upon us to declare, being
totally unable to resolve it ; — but the fact assuredly
remains unquestionable, that both snuffers and ex-
tinguishers pertaining to night-candlesticks, are much

254 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

given to fall over, and to make a great noise when
they light upon the floor.

In the case in question, it was the snuffers and not
the extinguisher ; and it should seem that they rattled
somewhat loudly, for the lady was aroused instanta-
neously from her slumbers ; — or else peradventure, it
might be that the noise appeared to be very loud, be-
cause it was in the dead of night, when most sounds
that disturb the universal hush, are much more audible
than during the bustle of the day ; — or else again it
struck very loud, (particularly on the terrified ears of
those who let them fall,) because it was a clatter
most alarming to the delinquents who made it, thinking
that discovery, and detection, and failure to all their
well-concerted plots must inevitably ensue upon this
mishap, which would certainly call up the whole
house, or at least papa with a brace of pistols in his
hands, to see what foul play was abroach under his
roof-
Snuffers make least noise when they fall point
downwards — so do pairs of scissors, or penknives —
because then they stick right into the floor making
only a dead sound : but in this case it is necessary to
be very careful of the togs, lest they get pinned in-
continently to the said floor, before there is any time
to jump out of the way. But if snuffers fall so as
not to light on the point, they generally rattle with
great vehemence ; and if the spring at the hinge has
been broken (which is the case in nine pairs out of

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 2'j5

ten) they generally open wide, and throw the snuff
over the carpet or elsewhere.

In the instance of which we speak, we fear that
the spring really had been broken, and that the
snuffers did not fall upon the point ; for if they had,
it is quite impossible, in a philosophical view of the
catastrophe, to reconcile the obstreperousness that
they made. But, as we hereinbefore observed, this
obstreperousness seemed so much the more loud, as
it was peculiarly unwelcome to the perpetrators
thereof; for if papa had only happened to open his
door at that moment, a pretty discovery he would
have made of a truth, and his fair daughters and
their amorous juvenals would have been disappointed
of a pleasant trip to the matrimonial soil of Scotland.

Every sound that we do not wish to have heard,
appears much louder than it would if the contrary
were the case ; and if these two young ladies and
their maid had been engaged in any journey, about
the discovery of which they might not have cared,
the din that the snuffers made, would scarcely have
arrested their attention, and certainly not have put
them into a state of extreme apprehension.

But papa scolded mamma about the thieves, and
then sulkily went to sleep ; and mamma silenced,
albeit not convinced, was enforced to go to sleep also.

Alas ! how many dark deeds are done after the sun
goes down !

The young ladies and their maid (who was in the

256 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

secret, and an abettor in the crime) had allowed all
the household to retire to rest ; and then, at about an
hour or so after the tolling of that dismal meridian of
the night, when ghosts troop home to churchyards,
they stealthily arose from their couches and donned
their habiliments, so quietly that no sound was heard
in the room but the drawing of stay-laces through
eyelet-holes.

Some chroniclers affirm that they had never re-
clined at all, but had wished pa and ma good-night
at the accustomed time, and had gone up stairs with
very sleepy eyes, very much wondering how it was
they were so drowsy.

They had at all events found time to pack up such
needments, whether of vesture or other parapher-
nalia, as the necessities of the journey might require ;
for when they were all stealing their way breathlessly
down stairs, and when the abominable snuffers made
such a terrific noise upon the landing just outside
papa's door — it should seem that they were laden
with sundry huge bundles ; — a circumstance that was
quite sufficient to so cumber their hands and arms,
as to cause them to hold the candlestick a little on
one side and tip them over, particularly as we say,
that the little spike of the one is rarely ever properly
fixed into the little square hole of the other.

Besides the annoyance of the snuffers, the stairs
creaked dreadfully as they crept down towards the
front door ; but even this did not bring papa out with
pistols to see who had broke into the house at such a

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 257

time, — and so they reached the hall unimpeded.
Most people who come home from parties late, — who
let themselves into the house with a night-key, — and
who wish to steal quietly up to their room without
disturbing thft inmates, generally know that the
stairs creak ten times louder then, than they ever do
at any other period whatsoever. It may be, that the
person coming home, may wish to go up silently, out
of a kind and considerate feeling towards the sleepers,
not liking to disturb them, knowing that it is a very
unpleasant thing to be awoke uselessly ; for it often
is the means of making us lie awake for half the night
afterwards, and thereby wantonly robbing us of our
due share of rest, without any reason ; or again, it
may be, that the person coming home — especially if
he be a bachelor son in his father's house, who has
been spending a jolly evening at a later hour than he
is proud to own — will be desirous to let the dwellers
dream on, as much out of consideration to himself as
to them, not exactly wanting to let them know what
a rake he has been. And then at breakfast next
morning he will pretend that he has been long up and
waiting for his coffee before the others were down,
having had quite sleep enough, (however heavy he
might really feel about the eyes,) that the party
met early in order to break up early, and that for-
sooth, being very slow and stupid, " he was the first
to come away."

The opening of the front- door was excruciating.

What with drawing back of bolts and bars and

258 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

chains, the latter with round knobs at their ends
running in shders, there was the most torturing din
it is possible to conceive ; and then the paint of
the door stuck to the paint of the door-frame, so that
when they were pulled apart, they made a noise like
that of screwing up a fiddle key, or that of a heavy
person getting into bed. The hinges of the said door
were just as bad ; so that when they had at last
removed all obstacles between themselves and the
breezes of night, they might well have stepped forth
with the momentary dread, lest divers smoky bullets
should pour down stairs after them just as they were
crossing the mat.

When they had descended three steps, they foynd
themselves in one of the streets of King Bladud's
beautiful freestone city of Bath. Here they were
met by two personages, apparently a coachman and
a footman, doubtless sent there by the expectant
bridegrooms, who were not far off, that the ladies
might be conducted to some pre-concerted place of
meeting. One of these personages was a middle-
aged man, somewhat stout, and might have been mis-
taken for a widower by his external ; his coachman'^s
livery did not fit to an admirable nicety somehow,
but this circumstance did not seem to annoy him
much, or his young mistress either. The other was
taller and less stout in figure, and evidently younger
in years : his footman's livery set passable well, but it
is difiicult to say whether he was proud of it or not.

When they met the ladies, they appear entirely to

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 259

have forgotten all the deference which is due from
servants to their superiors ; instead of keeping at a
proper distance and respectfully shewing them the
way, they approached with all the glee and intimacy
imaginable, just as if they were on a most perfect
equality ! If they did not know their places better
than that, they were not fit to be servants. The
wonder is, that the ladies endured it — that they did
not repel them with indignation — and that they suf-
fered them to be their escort at all. The most con-
fiding reader will scarcely credit us when we say that
this coachman and footman each took a lady under
his arm, and in that reprehensible way, walked off
down the street, whilst the maid with the bundles
brought up the rear.

Thus they traversed the pavement of this fairest of
England's cities — a city whose inhabitants are al-
ways in hot water, and yet who do not quarrel any
more than the inhabitants of any other city of the

kingdom.

They had not gone far ere they came to a car-
riage all ready horsed and harnessed as if for a jour-
ney; and having stopped beside this, the footman
threw down the steps, and assisted the fair pere-
grinators to enter. The bundles were stowed away,
— the coachman was on the box, reins and whip
in hand, — the footman having turned up the steps
and shut the door, mounted on his dickey, and
away they went on the first stage of their eventful
enterprize.

260 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

But where are the gentlemen all this time ! The
two bridegrooms, neat, trimly dressed, with chins
new-reaped, shewing like a stubble-land at harvest-
home, perfumed like milliners with pouncet-boxes in
hand, and using holiday and lady terms. Where,
forsooth, are they ? We have seen nothing of this
sort : — we have seen nought but a coachman and
footman vestured in uniforms, who did not know how
to demean themselves with such becoming deference
as is generally looked for from servitors of their
degree.

But the wheels of the vehicle are spinning round at
a dizzy rate, and they are contending with the whirl-
winds of Heaven as to which shall fly with the great-
est rapidity. Somewhere in the commencement of
this veritable history, we did say why it is that per-
sons drive quickly when they are bound for the amo-
rous soil of Caledonia ; and if it would not be to the
disparagement of the coachman now on the box,
with whip in one hand and reins in the other, we
would not hesitate to repeat the words again. Cer-
tainly we might be forgiven if we did repeat them, be-
cause, as we do declare that, when we then wrote
these words, we were in nowise thinking of the subject
of this present chapter, and therefore could not have
been trying to cast their applicability upon the worthy
coachman, and so he could not charge us with any
personal affront. Without taking the trouble to turn
back to find the passage, we think we were repre-

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 261

bending the practice of thus going to Scotland at all,
seeing that it is always done without the advice, con-
sentment, and sanction of parents, guardians, or other
wise and fitting counsellors ; that the spirit which in-
stigates persons to do so, is a had spirit ; that it is
the spirit of disobedience, rebellion, turbulence, and
sin ; and that those disgracious children who are evil
enough to do so on their own responsibilities, have no
right to grieve, whatever troubles, vexations, remorse,
or stings of conscience may embitter their days after-
wards.

The words to which we allude, constitute the
essence and body of an old English proverb, and
therefore could in no way have been coined for those
who have just rushed out of the fair city and steam-
ing waters, since it had become a chimney-corner
apothegm in the mouths of our grannies, long before
they were born or thought of.

All sinful enterprises are hurried over with ex-
treme speed ; and the reason for this is manifest ;
videlicet — the fear of detection. Sinful enterprises
are, furthermore, usually carried forward at night,
when even the bat and the owl can scarcely guard
their heads from butting against a post ; and this,
too, for the same reason, and because evil doers are
ever afraid of looking at the noon-day sun. It is
not wondrous, therefore, that he who drives toward
Scotland, bent upon a journey so foul, should hasten
himself and his party over the roads with all the

26^ STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

expedience whereof he is master, for the most ancient
proverb, above alluded to, says: — " One must needs
go fast when the devil driveth."

The two ladies who sat in the carriage, and who
were enforced to go as fast as their coachman chose
to drive, were of very different dispositions. The eld-
est being high-spirited, endowed with a will of her
own, and therewithal a whit indomitable now and
then if thwarted in her desires. The other, her sister,
was of a nature wholly dissimilar ; — she was quieter
of manner, not so voluble in speech, not so determined,
and rather disposed to timidity than to rash and
headlong daring. It is said that this bold project
was not so readily embraced by the younger sister as
by the elder ; that the elder entered into it with
goodly gree, as a matter of infinite disport ; but that
the other was talked into it, and persuaded to listen
to it, and yield to such enormity, much against her
better judgment. Her natural timidity, notwith-
standing that it would have kept her out of mischief
had she been let alone, was still the very weakness
that brought about her fall when she was urged to
do that which was wrong. It is a mistaken notion
which some good people of this world have entertained
that, the most retiring, modest, shy, and timid, are
the least likely to commit error. They would be the
least likely most assuredly, if they were suffered to
adopt that retirement which their placid natures
might direct, and above all, if they could be kept
from tempters and evil counsellors ; but they are the

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 263

least safe when wicked advisers come in their way
with persuasive words, snares, and allurements ; and
for this reason, that they have not strength, resolu-
tion, or presence of mind sufficient to make them
resist temptation, A high-spirited girl, whose morals
have been well grounded, whose perception and esti-
mation of that which is right, are just and correct,
and whose religious principles have been properly im-
planted, is she who will brave the greatest tempta-
tions with the greatest safety. She is the woman to
go through the world unscathed.

It is not for us to record here how papa and mamma
thought, and felt, and looked in each other's faces,
when they came down stairs in the morning, and
found no girls to make breakfast for them — an opera-
tion which young ladies usually do, and very rightly
too, when they are approaching towards woman''s
estate, and are being initiated into the domestic cares
of housekeeping. Suffice it to say, that papa was so
regularly done — any colour the reader likes — that
his preaching was completely stopped the next Sun-
day ; and not only the next Sunday forsooth, but for
several Sundays after, when he had removed to that
pleasant watering-place ycleped Sidmouth in Devon.

The two sisters had not proceeded very far on
their journey, when the timid one began to look into
herself, and to reflect on what she had been doing;
and the more she reflected, and the more she turned
the matter over in her mind, the less was she satis-
fied with her position, her conduct, and her prospects.

264! STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

She had suffered herself to be beguiled away from her
parents' roof by the arguments of others, because,
being mild of nature, she had not had enough of firm-
ness at the moment of temptation, to resist the per-
suasions of those around her ; urged by the same
means, she had also consented to take a step which
she now knew would give no small trouble to her
father and mother, through anxiety and vexation of
spirit ; and she had, lastly, assented to tie a stronger
than Gordian knot betwixt herself and another, lack-
ing the approvance of those, and of others, to whom
she might owe allegiance and submission and duteous
observance.

The excitement of preparation, the preconcerting
of plans for escape, the tying up of bundles, the' en-
grossment of thought attendant on getting to the car-
riage undiscovered, and the noise of voices mingled
with the noise of wheels, had, up to this period, so
drawn her away from herself, that she had had no
time to look into the complexion of her deeds, or to
hold her actions up to deliberate scrutiny. But the
first bewilderment over, a re-action came on ; and her
thoughts, from having been hitherto wholly external,
and busied about the movements of others, as much as
busied about her own, now rushed home to the centre
of her heart, and recalled her to reason. So sorely
perplexed did she at last become, that she could re-
frain no longer, but began to repent vehemently at
the. wicked step she had taken, and begged she might
be allowed to return ere too late. Her sister, who,

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 265

as we said, had a good deal of determination aboiit
her, and, as we may add, not so much discretion as
she ought to have had, laughed heartily at her fears, —
thought it was one of the best jokes in the world, —
harped on the fact that they were actually going to
be married — a consummation they had both long
looked forward to, — and declared that it would be
mighty funny, so it would, when they discovered at
home, that the cage door was open, and the birds had
flown !

Doubtless all this was passing comic and amusing —
but it did not do ; she laughed again, and pinched
her sister''s knees as she sat opposite her, to arouse her
from her sinking fit, and brighten her up into the sun-
shine of mirth, — quizzed her apprehensions, ridiculed
her terrors, and turned her evil bodings into derision.

Ridicule and derision are the strongest arguments
in the world to the weak or hesitating, or to those
who are halting between two opinions ; people very
often can be shamed into doing a foolish action — an
action which, in fact, they ought rather to be asham-
ed of committing, — when sober rhetoric wholly fails
to move them.

In the present instance, it may be said, that sober
rhetoric would have been the least effective artillery
that could have been brought to bear, because the most
skilled artillerist could scarcely have adduced any
sound reason in justification of their elopement ; and,
therefore, nothing remained but to deracinate what-
ever amount of fear had rooted itself in the mind of

VOL. II. X

266 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

this young damsel, and seek to destroy it altogether,
by turning the entire aiFair into merriment and bur-
lesque.

Ridiculed, therefore, out of her fears, she sighed,
hemmed, looked out of the carriage window, sighed
again, reseated herself in her seat, looked in her
sister's face, again out of window, and without giving
a very decisive acquiescence, allowed herself to be
whirled on towards the land of blacksmiths, and such
like marriers-general.

It was now broad daylight ; the birds were singing
upon the waving sprays, even as if they themselves
had been on the wing for Gretna ; of course, suppos-
ing that they may not be flying thitherward lacking
the approval of their papas and mammas, or else sup-
posing that they were so callous of conscience as to
receive no stings therefrom, like one of the fair
jounieyers in the vehicle. The people were all
abroad at their various avocations, some bent on
honest work, and others on cheating their neigh-
bours ; and the garish disc of the morning, which
shines alike upon the just and upon the unjust, was
climbing onwards toward the meridian, and daring
sinners to look him in the face.

If this coachman and footman could so culpably
forget their respect to the ladies when it was dark, as
to offer them their arms to escort them through the
city, just as we have previously and above related,
they now, when the eyes of the world were upon
them in the various towns through which they passed,

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 267

held it discreet to demean themselves in a more de-
ferential fashion. Wherefore, when they arrived at
the termination of any stage, the footman, with great
ardour in the performance of his duties, as if fearful
of losing a good place, descended from his dickey,
came to the carriage door whilst the horses were
changing, touched his hat with much reverence,
asked the ladies whether they would like to get out
and take any refreshment, and when all was right for
the next start, touched his hat again, and then, with
infinite legerity, mounted once more to his seat. On
these occasions, also, the more portly coachman would
come to the open, window, and hope that the ladies
were not fatigued ; he would peradventure make
some observation on the roads whilst the ostlers of
the inn were hooking on the traces, or buckling up
the reins : and on one of these occasions, whilst he
was standing by the window, and pretending to tie
another knot at the end of the lash of his whip, it is
averred, that he looked in the face of the elder of the
ladies, and absolutely smiled ! But it is impossible
that such an atrocity as this could be perpetrated by
a coachman, without his being indignantly turned
away at a moment''8 notice. It is not credible that
the admired daughter of a wealthy clergyman, moving
in the elite circles of Bath, and also of Sidmouth,
when the Grand Duchess of Russia, Helene Pau-
loWna, sister-in-law to the Emperor Nicholas, was
not occupying their house in the latter place, should
so forg«t the duties and the respect which she owed

s 2

26S STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

to herself, as to suffer her coachman to bear himself
in this reprehensible way, especially as there were no
gentlemen in the carriage to take their parts, their
only male attendants being these two persons in
livery.

The reader is doubtless much stricken in wonder-
ment, that no fresh, spruce, and trim bridegrooms
have yet appeared, who could claim to themselves,
by their equality of rank and privileges as accepted
lovers, the happiness of exchanging smiles, and sig-
nificant glances, and sweet looks with the lovely fiigi-
tlves, instead of abandoning them to be insulted by
these base menials. But however strange this may
appear, such, according to the veracious historian,
was the fact, — no escort, besides what we have men-
tioned, being of the party.

We hasten, notwithstanding, to assure the reader,
that in a very few moments, it will be our pleasant
task to unravel this obscure mystery ; and to satisfy
his or her mind of every circumstance, accessory, and
corollary, touching^so knotty a transaction.

It must be unhesitatingly conceded, that bride-
grooms who could, by their indifference and neglect,
suffer their lady-loves to undertake a journey so long,
only accompanied by such servitors, were not worthy
their hands and hearts : and it must still farther be
conceded, that if the intended brides could endure
such remissness from their gentle juvenals, they M-ere
much more considerate and condescending than the
said juvenals deserved. But idle speculation is vain :

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 2(J0

— they will all be in Scotland shortly, and then we
will exert every literary power of which we are pos-
sessed, to lay the whole matter bare to the world.

On they journeyed, encountering such haps and
hazards both by land and water, as most way-farers
are liable to experience when they issue forth of their
quiet homes, and roam through distant territories.
It may be, that they encountered other haps and
hazards besides those attendant on ordinary travel-
ling ; for as their passage and progress was not of
an ordinary kind, it were not strange should they
meet with scapes and ventures not being ordinary.

We have elsewhere remarked, that lovers hasten-
ing this way to the border, never see one bit of the
ground out of the carriage over which they are hur-
rying ; because, instead of looking out of the win-
dows to enjoy the country, they are intently and pas-
sionately gazing into each other's eyes as they are
both sitting on the same seat : but in the present
case this could not be, and for this reason, which
is already obvious, namely, that there were no doting
swains in the vehicle along with the ladies, and conse-
quently no long-drawn, untiring gazements could
take place. Wherefore, be it noted, that this party
most probably saw more of the country through
which they passed, than any other party that ever
embarked on a similar journey.

A strange occurrence befel some space after they
quitted Bath, and that was, that the coachman and
footman threw aside their liveries, and dared to ex-

270 STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT

change them for plain clothes. This would appear
as much as to infer, that they intended no longer
to continue in the service of these ladies ; and yet
it is a fact, that they did positively remain in their
service most entirely, and have actually continued to
do so ever since, up to the writing of this narrative.
It is remarkable, again, that their mistresses should
allow them to be so rebellious : — but poor unpro-
tected creatures, we have above said that they had no
male protectors but these menials. Supposing any
officer in the army or navy, were to throw away his
livery and come on duty in plain clothes ! What
would be the consequence ? Why, he would receive
his warning to quit very soon : and yet we here have
an instance of the very same thing, without their being
turned away, or even so much as receiving a reprimand.

In short, dear reader, this is the most puzzling,
mysterious, contradictory, and unaccountable affair
that it ever fell to our lot to describe : Ave are totally
bewildered with speculations, surmises, and doubts,
and so are you — of that we feel certain.

But they are now landed in Scotland ; and here
the most wondrous part of this wondrous business
occurred. The disclosure must be made — there is
no escaping it — the historian, you know, cannot es-
chew truth. Prepare to faint — or rather, prepare
yourself with preventatives from fainting : we cannot
prescribe them, for as we ourselves never fainted in all
our life, we know nothing about its symptoms or its
best restoratives. Howbeit, throw open the win-

FROM BATH TO GRETNA. 271

dows for fresh air ; ring for cold water ; have eau-
de-Cologne at hand, as well as salts ; and do not for-
get the sal volatile.

These two beauteous young ladies married no
other than the aforesaid coachman and footman !
But the real truth is, when these servitors threw
off their liveries, they turned out to be two gen-
tlemen of goodly families, who were, indeed, the pro-
per and pre-ordained bridegrooms ! !

Was there ever such disguise in the "Varsal 'orld"
assumed by mortal man since the fashion of wearing
habiliments first came into vogue ? Of a truth, we
should scarcely think so.

It is not the stole or the vestal veil,

That will make the monk or the frigid nun :

As much would an o'ercast sky avail,
To prove tliat at noon there were no sun.

And if the stole does not make the monk, or the
veil the nun, since any person whatsoever can assume
these habits for the nonce ; neither, by a parity of
reasoning, will laced and tagged liveries make the
intrinsic coachman and footman ; — and neither, again,
can we aver that at noon-day there is no sun shining
in the heavens, because he is hidden and covered by a
thick vesture of clouds.

Papa and Mamma were not so obdurate but that
they could forgive these crimes in due time after the
fair rebels had returned home with their bridegrooms
— dressed now, not in glaring coats and plush smalls,
but rather in sober-hued Saxony.

27^ STORY OF AN ELOPEMENT.

Alas for runaway matches, and for our admirable
motto on the title-page — " Marry in haste, and re-
pent at leisure." We have said that one of the
ladies had a good spirit, and also a will of her own.
Some scandal-mongers do say that her husband has
since made this discovery — but we abhor giving any
credence to scandal. We know what Byron says of
high-spirited ladies : —

" I 've seen your stormy seas and stormy women,
And pity lovers rather more than seamen,"

RECAPITULATION OF THE SUBJECT. 273

CHAPTER XX.

Recapitulation of the subject.

If you have seen one half of what

This chapter doth contain,
You must have seen much more, I wot,

Than e'er you '11 see again.

We have heretofore seen that the Britons of old, the
first possessors of the soil, dwelt peaceably upon the
then MW-debateable land ; we have seen how the Ro-
mans came and drove them back into the Highlands,
and then drew ditches and walls across the country,
from sea to sea, as a warning against their ftirther
progress into the South country ; we have seen these
warriors retire from the island, after a four hundred
years' tenantry, and hie away to their own homes to
look after affairs there ; we have seen the mighty
Pendragon Arthur arise in kingly glory, and keep
court with Gwenhyvar within Carlisle city ; we have
seen the Pink of Courtesy, Sir Gawain, wed the first
bride that e'er, so far as we know, was espoused nigh
to the since most renowned altar of Gretna ; we
have seen how these heroes passed away from the
scene, and how the savage hordes of the north, tin?

274 RECAPITULATION OF THE SUBJECT.

Dansker Sea Kings from the vast waters, and the
golden-headed Saxons from the east, usurped their
places in despite ; we have seen how the sons of
Reged and Cumbria bared brazen blades to the glitter
of day, in a vain but honourable essay to retain the
lands of their fathers ; but how, after the misfare of
Cattraeth, they eschewed the victorious foe, and re-
tired to Gwenedd and Mona ; we have seen William,
the Norman, scare the Saxons and Danes from the
land, from which they, the said Danes and Normans,
had before scared the Britons, thus suflPering the perse-
cution which they had put upon others ; we have seen
him parcel out the kingdom to his haughty vassals in
recompense for their labours ; we have seen some of
these settle upon the Borders, nigh to Hadrian's
Work, and there increase in strength, wealth, and
poAver, until they became the terror of the crown
that had planted them there ; we have seen fierce
battles ycleped civil, debated in these parts, but more
especially by the margin of the western waters where
our scene lies; we have seen moss-troopers overrun
the plains and the uplands, and commit herriment on
their neighbours, and we have seen wardens and other
kings'" servants pursue, and hang, and slay ; we have
seen the spirit of love at last triumph over, and ba-
nish away, the Demon of War from the banks of the
Sark ; we have seen the Fanes of Hymen arise on
those spots where once stood the gloomy Bastle-house
of the mail-encased chief: we have seen eloping lovers
course over the Moss of Solway with their eyes

RECAPITULATION OF THE SUBJECT. 275

open, yet without seeing one bit of it, and get hastily
wedded by weavers, and pedlars ; we have seen — we
have seen — we have seen —

Gentle reader : — if you have seen all these things,
methinks you have seen a great deal.

276 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

CHAPTER XXI.

Advice to Young Ladies.

Adieu, good reader, now adieu ;

Adieu to ink and paper ;
Adieu to pens, and penknives, too,

Adieu our midnight taper.

We have now passed through the history of Gretna
Green " from the most remote times to the present
day." We have not only liberally set forth every
broad fact with unreserve — not only freely revealed
all the valuable information which the most arduous
scrutiny could discover in the most rare, ancient, and
authentic chronicles — not only transcribed with infi-
nite care, all the important passages that served for
illustration, as existing in the archives of this interest-
ing place itself, (and especially everything which was
founded on the unerring testimony of tradition, which,
as we have always said, is ever the truest part of his-
tory)— but we have also, we trust, omitted no oppor-
tunity, as a moral philosopher, of giving what whole-
some, sage, fitting, or goodly advice to our amorous
young readers, which it might have been in our power
to give for their benefit.

ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 277

It may have been seen that we are not one of the
pupils of that modern ' A»Ci^ri(Ji,iu, the chief tenet of
which is, to advocate universal celibacy ; because we
know that such a tenet would be based in absurdity,
and would be contrary to reason and contrary to
nature. Man is a gregarious animal — he cannot be
alone — and it is not well that he should. His own
frailties and his inherent infirmities, make him de-
pendent on his fellow-creatures for his food, his rai-
ment, and for succour in sickness. He cannot exist
in a stem solitude, like the condor of the mountain,
or the wild beast of the measureless desert. The
faculty of speech, alone, is enough to argue that he
was always predestined for a social and communica-
tive state of society. If there are evils in matrimony,
pray are there not also evils attendant on single life,
such as sometimes make bachelors and maidens call it
single cursedness ? The fact is, there is no unalloyed
happiness to be found in the world, in any condition
whatsoever ; and therefore it is futile to lay the
charges against the married state, which, in nine
cases out of ten, ought rather to be laid to our own
unaccommodating dispositions, our own bad tempers,
and our own vile passions.

Neither are we one of those who uphold, without
exception, the unapproachable superiority of the male
sex over the female ; but readily allow to the latter,
all the freedom — all the liberty — all the equality —
and even all the superiority wherever it is manifest,
to which this much-enduring sex is entitled. Several

278 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

lady-champions have of late years started up, and
fought hard for the rights of their own sex ; and if
they have achieved any good to themselves by so
doing, of a truth we give them hearty congratulations
there anent. We only regret that they should ever
have had to fight at all ; for this fact, if allowed to
be, and to have been, the case, strongly implies that
something has been withheld from them by their
"masters," as Lady Morgan calls them, for which
they longed, and which they could not obtain without
the ungentle process of thus fighting. This is a
grievous hit at the lords of the creation. The times,
however, are now changed ; and henceforth and for
evermore, the ladies in all things, and on all occasions,
are unquestionably to do just as they please.

Leap-year brings them their plenitude of power,
and their enjoyment of every possible privilege what-
soever ; and the intermediate years constitute the
only exception to their now fully established, uncon-
trolled, and universal sway. If ladies are intent on
marrying, (which, pardon us, we think they arc,) let
them do so by all means, for it is natural : let them
only do it deliberately and advisedly.

We were one day in company with a matron of fifty
or 80, and two or three young damsels just emerging
from their teens, all beauty, blushes, and love. And
the said well-meaning matron commenced a very long
and very impressive lecture, setting forth in most
terrific language, the weakness of ever giving way
to that childish passion which boys and girls some-

ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 279

times betray for each other, and the foolishness of
women ever giving up their hearts and liberties to
the keeping of such tyrannical animals as men are.
She advised her fair listeners never to think of matri-
mony if they valued their happiness ; — that it was
a most perilous step for anybody to take, so it was;
— that it was attended with infinite anxieties of which
the single had no idea, positively ; — - and that it
brought a great many troubles for certain, from which
there was no manner of escape, not any how at all.

During the continuance of this harangue, which
was carried to a considerable length, and poured
forth in most appalling eloquence, every person kept
a profound silence. When it had come to a pause —
an awful pause too — one of the dear ducks raised her
eyes from a large rose in the pattern of the carpet, on
which they had been fixed, and looking archly in the
matron's face, put a simple question to her.

" Mrs. Singleton,"" said she, " it is very easy to
preach, but it is amusing to see how entirely we often
run contrary to our own advice. You counsel us
to remain single; and yet yow yoMr««'{/' are married
— pray how did that happen V

" Oh," returned the dowager, " because I was a
fool I suppose."

" Then," answered the damsel with great gravity,
"I believe we are all fools: and even as we have
been since the beginning of the world, so shall we
be to the end of it."

" Hey-day, hey-day ! Much use my talking."

280 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

" On this subject, no one will ever live by the ex-
perience of others : therefore, we good Mrs. S., will
not live on your experience." And then all the little
loves laughed like fun.

" If," resumed the young lady, " we are not happy
as we are — and we confess that we are not — why,
surely, w:e cannot be worse off than unhappy by a
change : — and who knows but we may be better T'

To this last idea all the girls assented immediately,

" The chances are against you," observed the
matron.

" The world is full of chances," said the maiden.

We also know of a person, friend reader, who
hazarded a sum of money to procure a ticket in the
lottery.

" Well, what of him ?" is the question.

Why, to tell the truth, we are obliged to answer
that he lost it.

" Ha I Then that person was a fool for his pains."

Be it so, we say. — But we know another person
who ventured the same hazard for a ticket.

" And what of him, pray : I suppose he lost too ?"

No : — he got a prize of 10,000^. Now was he a
fool or not %

Mum : — not a word in reply. So it is with ma-
trimony : — all a chance and a lottery.

Thus terminate all arguments and discussions on
this topic. They do nothing in the way of convic-
tion, and they win over no proselytes, because they
go against nature ; and whatever ills we may be

ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 281

bringing upon ourselves by the step, these ills must
be considered as a part of the catalogue of vexations
which belong inseparably to our very existence, as
pre-ordained, that we should endure along with a
host of other trials. They certainly come sometimes
so much the more acutely, because we had set our
hearts upon being happy ; and hence, when we dis-
cover our mistake, the disappointment is so much
the more severe. All this, however, is nothing :
we must run the risk. We must proceed as wisely
as we can — hope for the best — and leave the re-
mainder to good luck and providence.

We are decidedly of opinion that ladies run greater
hazards than gentlemen do ; in so far that they have
not so likely a chance of discovering the tempers, or
past times, or turn of mind, amongst their lovers, as
gentlemen have amongst theirs : and also, that if they
make an unhappy match, they have not after mar-
riage, the same opportunities of killing their troubles
that men have. In the first place a man has the
best opportunity of finding out the disposition of his
lady-love, because, as it is his province to go and
seek her, and not her to seek him, he can do so at
such time when he is in his most amiable humour, and
consequently set himself off to the best advantage ;
whereas, he may call on her unexpectedly, when
something, perchance, may have occurred to ruffle
her placidity, or try her equanimity, or put her out of
sorts for a moment, — a circumstance which may lead
him to fear that she is habitually ill-tempered. If

282 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

she had expected him, she would have put on her
best looks ; but as it happened, he either takes her
at a disadvantage and fancies her worse than she is,
or else, by this chance, he really discovers that she is
not the angel he had believed her to be. Did she only
possess the same privilege of calling on him now and
then, she also, might soon alter her resolution of
making this " charming man" her husband.

After marriage too, if he has no delight in the
society of his partner, he can kill his misfortunes in
many ways to which she can have no recourse. If
his home is. unhappy, he can leave all day, and amuse
himself with hunting, fishing, shooting, or any other
sportsmanlike pastime : he can go to the billiard-table,
gossip with other discontented husbands at his club,
go to men's parties, or be entirely independent of his
home in a thousand ways. The natural and acknow-
ledged independence of his sex, entitles him to do this,
alone and unattended : but she — how is it with her
if her household gives no pleasure l Who is she to
look to but her husband if she is imhappy ? — If he is a
tyrant,* and her home is miserable, she cannot go out
and dispel all this by running about from house to
house amongst her neighbours, or forget her troubles
by seeking out-door recreations. Nothing is left
her but to brood over them at home. Hence her
risks are infinitely greater than his ; and hence the
reason why she should summon all her wisdom to as-
sist her in the venture.

We do not wish to frighten you ladies : — we only
wish to make you careful of a blind precipitation.

ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 283

All of US are doomed to carry our burden, whether
it be in single life or whether it be in the married state :
and peradventure, after all, except in extreme caseS<,
there is not much difference in the weight of it, either
in the one condition, or the other. The truth is, the
burden is charged with troubles of a different nature,
according to the change of circumstances. The un-
married person's lamentation centres in this, — that
he or she desires to obtain that which he or she has
not got : whereas, the lamentation of the unhappily
wedded person is this ; — that he or she desires to get
rid o/'that which he or she has got.

The lady champions to whom we have above al-
luded, argue as if single folks were all perfectly happy
and contented, quite forgetting that they themselves
took husbands to their bosoms, because they were
neither the one nor the other. They should think of
this. What is more, we verily believe, that if all
wives were all widows to-morrow, they would all be
setting their weeds to the getting of other husbands
the day after!

So, young ladies, you perceive that there is*nothing
left but to pursue the course chalked out for you ; you
are discontented and miserable as you are — you can-*'
not surely be much worse off than that by a change.
Remember our excellent motto on the title [jage, and
let it be a warning. Study your sweethearts as
miich as you have opportunities for so doing, albeit
we fear that those opportunities will be but i'^w, since
men are sad hypocrites in these affairs. Do not al-
ways depend on your own vision, " for love is Hind

284 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

and cannot see aright ;" but have respect to the coun-
sels of relations and of approved friends. Go wisely
to work, and if things do not turn out so thoroughly
well as you had hoped, still, there is always a com-
forting satisfaction in reflecting, that you acted to the
best of your judgment.

Lastly, do not be decoyed to rush madly to Gretna
Green ; for, as we have heretofore remarked, it is
more desirable, more decent, more comely, more re-
spectable, and more sacred, to be married before the
altar in Mother Church with friends and neighbours
around you, than to submit to a mockery in a coxmtry
tavern performed by an innkeeper, or else by a weaver
or toll-gate keeper, behind the hedge or under a hay-
stack.

THE END.

London :

Printed by 9. & J. B^.^TLRV, Wilson, and Flby,

Bangor Houte, Shoe Lane.

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