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Full text of "Courtship under difficulties [microform]"

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Las cartaa. pianchaa. tablaaux. ate. pauvant atra 
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Lorsqua la documant ast trop grand pour atra 
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da I'angia supAriaur gaucha. da gaucha A droita, 
at da haut an bas, an pranant la nombra 
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illustront la mathodo. 





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COURTSHIP UNDER DIFFICULTIES 

FOR TWO MAL.nH AND ONK rEMALK 

Thi-< may be made (•hn^m eqiuiUy succennful an a reading. 
{Knhr Sno»bi,kt<)N.| 
Stuiithleton {Utokinq in the direction ivhence he hnn jtinl 
coww)— Yw, then « that follow Jones, hkhiii. I doclaro, 
the man Ih ubiquitous. Whenever I go with uiv cousin 
Prvidonco we stumble across hitn, or he follows her like her 
Hhadow. Do we take a boutinK ? So dix-s Jones. |)(» 
wo wander i the beach ? So docs Jones, (»'■ .ere we 
will, that fellow fr»ll«)ws or moves In'fore. N'ov ii . , was a 
cruel practical joke which Jones once played •• me at 
coUoge. I have never fortriven him. Hut I woiud Rladly 
Tiake a pretence of doinjt s«), if I couM have my revenue. 

't me K>e. Can't I manage it ? He is head over erirs in 
l(.ve with Prudence, but tcM) bashful to speak. I half be- 
lieve she is not indifferent to him, though altogether un- 
acquainted. It may prove -i match, if I can not spoil it. 
Ijct me think. Ha I I have it ! A brilliant idea ! Jones, 
beware ! But here he comes. 

[Enter Jonk.s.1 
. Jonei. {not seeing Snohhlctnn, and delightedly contem- 
plating a flower, which he holdn in his hand) — ()h, rapture ! 
what a prize I It was in her hair — I saw It fall from her 
queenly head. {Kiaites it everj/ now and then.) How warm 
are its tender leaves from ha^mg touched her neck ! How 
doubly sweet is its perfumi 'resh from the fragrance of 
her glorious locks ! Howbci ful ! how- Bless me ! here 
is Snobbleton. We are enei .^s ! 

Snohhleton {advancing with an air of franknean) — 
Good-morning, Jones— that is, if you will shake hands. 

Jonen — What ! — you forgive ! You really — 

Snohhleton — Yes, yes, old fellow ! All is forgotten. 
You played me a rough trick ; but let bygones be bygones. 
Will you not bury the hatchet ? 

Jones — With all my heart, my dear fellow ! {They shake 
hands.) 

Snobbleton — What is the matter with yon, Jones ? You 
look quite grumpy — not by any means the .same cheerful, 
dashing, rollicking fellow you were. 



-Grumpy— what is that ? How do I look, Snob- 



Jonea- 
bleton ? 

SnobhleUmr-Oh, not much out of the way. Only a 
little shaky m the shanks, blue lips, red nose, cadaverous 
jaws, bloodshot eyes, yellow — 

Jones (aghaM) — Bless me, you don't say so ! (Aside) : 
Confound the man ! Here have I been endcavorine to 
appear romantic for the last month— and now to be called 
shaky-shanked, cadaverous— it is unbearable ' 

Snobbleton— But never mind. Cheer up, old fellow ' I 
see It all. Egad ! I know what it is to be in— 

Jones- Ah ! You can then sympathize with me ? You 
know what it is to be in — 

Snobbleton— Of course I do ! Heaven preserve me from 
the toils I What days of bitterness ! 

Jones— What nights of bUss ! 

Snobbleton (shuddering)— And then the letters — the 
interminable letters ! 

Jones {with rapture)— Oh, yes, the letters ! The billet- 
(ioux ! 

Snobbleton— And the bills— the endless bills ! 
Jones {in surprise) — The bills ! 

Snobbleton- Yes ; and. the bailiffs, the lawyers, the 
judge, and the jury. "^ ' 

Jones— Why, man, what are you talking al)out? I 
thought you said you knew what it was to be in— 
Snobbleton — In debt. To be sure I did 
Jones— Bless me ! I'm not in debt— never borrowed a 
dollar m my hfe Ah me ! {sighs) it's worse than that. 
. *Sno66/e<on— Worse than that ! Come, now, Jones, there 
IS only one thing worse. You're surely not in love? 

Jones— Yes, I am. {With sudden feeling) : Oh, Snobby, 
help me, help me ! Let me conCde in you. 

Snobbleton {with mock emotion) — Confide in me ! Cer- 
tainly, my dear fellow 1 See ! I do not shrink— I "stand 
hrm. {tolds hu arms in a determined posture.) Blaze 
away ! 
Jones — Snobby, I — I love her. 
Snobbhton — Whom ? 
Jones — ^Your cousin. Prudence. 

Snobbleton— Ka. I Prudence AngeUa Winterbottom ? 
Jones— Now, don't be angry. Snobby ! I don't mean 
any harm, you know. I— I— you know how it is. 
Snobbleton— Haxm ! my dear fellow. Not a bit of it. 



I 



Angry ! Not at all. You have my consent, old fellow, 
lake her. bhe is yours. Heaven bless you both. 

Jones— You are very kind, Snobby, but I haven't got 
her consent yet. * 

Snobbletott--We\\, that is something, to be sure. But 
leave it all to me. She may be a Uttle coy, you know : 
bPt, considering your generous overlooking of her unfor- 
tunate defect — 

Jones— Defect ! You surprise me. 
Snobblelon— What ! and you did not know of it ' 
I hoT''^''^ ^* ^"' ^ ^™ astonished ! Nothing serious, 

Snobblelon— Oh no, only a Uttle— (f^e taps his ear xvith 
his finger knowingly.) I see you understand it. 

Jones— Merciful heaven ! can it be ? But, really is it 
serious ? ,^^011, 

Snobblelon— I should think it was. 

Jones— What I But is she ever dangerous ? 

.Snobfe^eton- Dangerous ! Why should she be ? 

Jones (considerably relieved) —Oh, I perceive ! A mere 
airmess of bram— a gentle aberration — scorning the dull 
world — a mild — 

Snobblelon — Zounds, man, she's not crazy ' 
Jones-My dear Snobby, you reheve me. What then ? 
»Sno66/e<ori— Slightly deaf. That's all. 
Jones — Deaf ! 

Snobbleton—Aa a lamp-post. That is, you must elevate 
your voice to a considerable pitch in speaking to her 

Jones— Is It possible ! However, I think I can manage. 
As, for instance, if it was my intention to make her a floral 
oHermg, and I should say (elevating his voice considerably). 
Miss, will you make me happy by accepting these flow- 
?P : J I suppose she could hear me, eh ? How would 
that do .' 

Smbbleton—Fsh&w ! Do you call that elevated ? 
Jones— Well, how would this do ? (Speaks very loudly) : 
Miss, will you make me happy—" 
Snobblelon — Louder, shriller, man ! 
Jones— "Miss, will you—" 

Snobbleton—Louder, louder, or she wiU only see vour 
lips move. "^ ^ 

Jones (almost screaming) — "Miss, will you oblige me 
by accepting these flowers?" ' -^ » "c 

Snobbleton— There, that may do. Still you want prac- 
tice. 1 perceive the lady herself is approaching. Suppose 



you retire for a short time, and I will prepare her for the 
introduction. 

Jones — Very good. Meantime, I will go down to the 
beach and endeavor to acquire the proper pitch. Let me 
see : "Miss, will you obHge me — " 

[Exit Jones, still speaking.] 
[Enter Prude VCE, from other side.] 

Prudence — Good morning, cousin. Who was that, 
speaking so loudly ? 

SnobUeton — Only Jones. Poor fellow, he is so deaf that 
I suppose he fancies his own voice to be a mere whisper. 

Prudence — Why, I was not aware of this. Is h*" very 
deaf? 

Snobhleton — Deaf as a stone fence. To be sure he does 
not use an ear-trumpet any more, but one must speak exces- 
sively high. Unfortunate, too, for I believe h(r is in love. 

Prudence (with some emotion) — In love ! with whom ? 

Snobhleton — Can't <you guess ? 

Prudence — Oh, no ; I haven't the slightest idea. 

Snobbleton — With yourself ! He has been begging me 
to obtain him an introduction. 

Prudence — Well, I have alwaj's thought him a nice- 
looking young man. I suppose he would hear me if I 
should say {speaks loudly), "Good-morning. Mr. Jones?" 

Snobbleton {compassionately) — Do you think he would 
hear that ? 

Prudence — Well, then, how would {speaks very loudly) 
"Good-morning, Mr. Jones !'' How would that do ? 

Snobbleton —Tush ! he would think you were .'<i>eaking 
under your breath. 

Prudence {almost screaming) — "Good morning !" 

Snobbleton — A mere whisper, my dear cousin. But here 
he comes. Now, do try and make yourself audible. 

[Enter Jones.] 

Snobbleton {speaking in a high voice) — Mr. Jones- 
cousin. Miss Winterbottom — Jones. You will yjlease ex- 
cuse me for a short time. {He retires, hut remains in viexo.) 

Jones {speaking shrill and loud, and offering som^ flowers) 
— Miss, will you accept these flowers ? I plucked them 
from their slumber on the hill. 

Prudence {in an equally high voice) — Really, sir, I — I — 

Jones (asirfe) — She hesitates. It must be that she 
does not hear me. {Increasing his tone) : Miss, will you 
accept these flowers— flowers ? I plucked them sleeping 
on the hill — hill. 



Prudence (also increasing her tone) — Certainly, Mi. 
Jones. They are beautiful — beau-u-tifdi-. 

Jones (aside) — How she screams in my ear. (Aloud.) 
Yes, I plucked them from their slumber — slumber, on the 

hill — HILL. 

Prudence (aside) — Poor man. what an effort it seems 
to him to speak. (Aloud.) I perceive you are poetical. 
Are you fond of poetry ? (Aside.) He hesitates. I must 
speak louder. (In a scream.) Poetry — poethy— POETRY ! 

Jones (aside) — Bless me, the woman would wake the 
dead ! (Aloud) : Yes, Miss, I ad-o-r-e it. 

Prudence — Can you repeat some poetry — Poetby ? 

Jones — I know only one poem. It is this : 

You'd scarce expect one of my age — Age, 
To speak in public on the stage — Stage. 

Prudence (putting her lips to his ear and shouting) — 
Bravo — bravo ! 

Jones (in the same way) — Thank you ! Thank — 

Prudence (putting her hands over her ears) — Mercy on 
us ! Do you think I'm deak, sir ? 

Jones (also stopping his ears) —And do you fancy me 
deaf, Miss ? 

[They now speak in their natural tones.] 

Prudence — Are you not, sir ? You surprise me ! 

Jones — No, Miss. I was led to believe that you were 
deaf. Snobbleton told me so. 

Prudence — Snobbleton ! Why he told me that you were 
deaf. 

Jones — Confound the fellow ! he has been making game 
of us. Here he is. (Perceiving Snobbleton.) You shall 
answer for this, sir. 

Prudence — Yes, sir, you shall answer for this, sir. 

Snobbleton (advancing) — Ha ! ha ! ha ! And to whom 
must I answer ? Ah. Jones, do you remember that 
college joke ? We quit even now. Bye ! bye ! (Leaves 
stage hurriedly.) 

Jones (looking surprisedly at Prudence)— VicW, what 
do you think of that ? 

[Curtain] 



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SNOOKS versus FOOZLE 

This is a matrimonial court trial, in which Mr. Abra- 
ham Octavius Snooks enters an action against Thomas 
Foozle, proprietor of a matrimonial bureau, to recover 
the sum of $5.00 which he has paid Foozle for securing >' 
suitable wife for him. It is a great case and extremely 
humorous. One act and easily staged. Time, about 
one hour and a half. With a little music additional it 
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This was originally an American production, but has 
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to Canadian presentation. The characters consist of young 
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Pass on to others anything which you have found 
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