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Thi-< may be made (•hn^m eqiuiUy succennful an a reading. 
{Knhr Sno»bi,kt<)N.| 
Stuiithleton {Utokinq in the direction ivhence he hnn jtinl 
coww)— Yw, then « that follow Jones, hkhiii. I doclaro, 
the man Ih ubiquitous. Whenever I go with uiv cousin 
Prvidonco we stumble across hitn, or he follows her like her 
Hhadow. Do we take a boutinK ? So dix-s Jones. |)(» 
wo wander i the beach ? So docs Jones, (»'■ .ere we 
will, that fellow fr»ll«)ws or moves In'fore. N'ov ii . , was a 
cruel practical joke which Jones once played •• me at 
coUoge. I have never fortriven him. Hut I woiud Rladly 
Tiake a pretence of doinjt s«), if I couM have my revenue. 

't me K>e. Can't I manage it ? He is head over erirs in 
l(.ve with Prudence, but tcM) bashful to speak. I half be- 
lieve she is not indifferent to him, though altogether un- 
acquainted. It may prove -i match, if I can not spoil it. 
Ijct me think. Ha I I have it ! A brilliant idea ! Jones, 
beware ! But here he comes. 

[Enter Jonk.s.1 
. Jonei. {not seeing Snohhlctnn, and delightedly contem- 
plating a flower, which he holdn in his hand) — ()h, rapture ! 
what a prize I It was in her hair — I saw It fall from her 
queenly head. {Kiaites it everj/ now and then.) How warm 
are its tender leaves from ha^mg touched her neck ! How 
doubly sweet is its perfumi 'resh from the fragrance of 
her glorious locks ! Howbci ful ! how- Bless me ! here 
is Snobbleton. We are enei .^s ! 

Snohhleton {advancing with an air of franknean) — 
Good-morning, Jones— that is, if you will shake hands. 

Jonen — What ! — you forgive ! You really — 

Snohhleton — Yes, yes, old fellow ! All is forgotten. 
You played me a rough trick ; but let bygones be bygones. 
Will you not bury the hatchet ? 

Jones — With all my heart, my dear fellow ! {They shake 

Snobbleton — What is the matter with yon, Jones ? You 
look quite grumpy — not by any means the .same cheerful, 
dashing, rollicking fellow you were. 

-Grumpy— what is that ? How do I look, Snob- 

bleton ? 

SnobhleUmr-Oh, not much out of the way. Only a 
little shaky m the shanks, blue lips, red nose, cadaverous 
jaws, bloodshot eyes, yellow — 

Jones (aghaM) — Bless me, you don't say so ! (Aside) : 
Confound the man ! Here have I been endcavorine to 
appear romantic for the last month— and now to be called 
shaky-shanked, cadaverous— it is unbearable ' 

Snobbleton— But never mind. Cheer up, old fellow ' I 
see It all. Egad ! I know what it is to be in— 

Jones- Ah ! You can then sympathize with me ? You 
know what it is to be in — 

Snobbleton— Of course I do ! Heaven preserve me from 
the toils I What days of bitterness ! 

Jones— What nights of bUss ! 

Snobbleton (shuddering)— And then the letters — the 
interminable letters ! 

Jones {with rapture)— Oh, yes, the letters ! The billet- 
(ioux ! 

Snobbleton— And the bills— the endless bills ! 
Jones {in surprise) — The bills ! 

Snobbleton- Yes ; and. the bailiffs, the lawyers, the 
judge, and the jury. "^ ' 

Jones— Why, man, what are you talking al)out? I 
thought you said you knew what it was to be in— 
Snobbleton — In debt. To be sure I did 
Jones— Bless me ! I'm not in debt— never borrowed a 
dollar m my hfe Ah me ! {sighs) it's worse than that. 
. *Sno66/e<on— Worse than that ! Come, now, Jones, there 
IS only one thing worse. You're surely not in love? 

Jones— Yes, I am. {With sudden feeling) : Oh, Snobby, 
help me, help me ! Let me conCde in you. 

Snobbleton {with mock emotion) — Confide in me ! Cer- 
tainly, my dear fellow 1 See ! I do not shrink— I "stand 
hrm. {tolds hu arms in a determined posture.) Blaze 
away ! 
Jones — Snobby, I — I love her. 
Snobbhton — Whom ? 
Jones — ^Your cousin. Prudence. 

Snobbleton— Ka. I Prudence AngeUa Winterbottom ? 
Jones— Now, don't be angry. Snobby ! I don't mean 
any harm, you know. I— I— you know how it is. 
Snobbleton— Haxm ! my dear fellow. Not a bit of it. 


Angry ! Not at all. You have my consent, old fellow, 
lake her. bhe is yours. Heaven bless you both. 

Jones— You are very kind, Snobby, but I haven't got 
her consent yet. * 

Snobbletott--We\\, that is something, to be sure. But 
leave it all to me. She may be a Uttle coy, you know : 
bPt, considering your generous overlooking of her unfor- 
tunate defect — 

Jones— Defect ! You surprise me. 
Snobblelon— What ! and you did not know of it ' 
I hoT''^''^ ^* ^"' ^ ^™ astonished ! Nothing serious, 

Snobblelon— Oh no, only a Uttle— (f^e taps his ear xvith 
his finger knowingly.) I see you understand it. 

Jones— Merciful heaven ! can it be ? But, really is it 
serious ? ,^^011, 

Snobblelon— I should think it was. 

Jones— What I But is she ever dangerous ? 

.Snobfe^eton- Dangerous ! Why should she be ? 

Jones (considerably relieved) —Oh, I perceive ! A mere 
airmess of bram— a gentle aberration — scorning the dull 
world — a mild — 

Snobblelon — Zounds, man, she's not crazy ' 
Jones-My dear Snobby, you reheve me. What then ? 
»Sno66/e<ori— Slightly deaf. That's all. 
Jones — Deaf ! 

Snobbleton—Aa a lamp-post. That is, you must elevate 
your voice to a considerable pitch in speaking to her 

Jones— Is It possible ! However, I think I can manage. 
As, for instance, if it was my intention to make her a floral 
oHermg, and I should say (elevating his voice considerably). 
Miss, will you make me happy by accepting these flow- 
?P : J I suppose she could hear me, eh ? How would 
that do .' 

Smbbleton—Fsh&w ! Do you call that elevated ? 
Jones— Well, how would this do ? (Speaks very loudly) : 
Miss, will you make me happy—" 
Snobblelon — Louder, shriller, man ! 
Jones— "Miss, will you—" 

Snobbleton—Louder, louder, or she wiU only see vour 
lips move. "^ ^ 

Jones (almost screaming) — "Miss, will you oblige me 
by accepting these flowers?" ' -^ » "c 

Snobbleton— There, that may do. Still you want prac- 
tice. 1 perceive the lady herself is approaching. Suppose 

you retire for a short time, and I will prepare her for the 

Jones — Very good. Meantime, I will go down to the 
beach and endeavor to acquire the proper pitch. Let me 
see : "Miss, will you obHge me — " 

[Exit Jones, still speaking.] 
[Enter Prude VCE, from other side.] 

Prudence — Good morning, cousin. Who was that, 
speaking so loudly ? 

SnobUeton — Only Jones. Poor fellow, he is so deaf that 
I suppose he fancies his own voice to be a mere whisper. 

Prudence — Why, I was not aware of this. Is h*" very 

Snobhleton — Deaf as a stone fence. To be sure he does 
not use an ear-trumpet any more, but one must speak exces- 
sively high. Unfortunate, too, for I believe h(r is in love. 

Prudence (with some emotion) — In love ! with whom ? 

Snobhleton — Can't <you guess ? 

Prudence — Oh, no ; I haven't the slightest idea. 

Snobbleton — With yourself ! He has been begging me 
to obtain him an introduction. 

Prudence — Well, I have alwaj's thought him a nice- 
looking young man. I suppose he would hear me if I 
should say {speaks loudly), "Good-morning. Mr. Jones?" 

Snobbleton {compassionately) — Do you think he would 
hear that ? 

Prudence — Well, then, how would {speaks very loudly) 
"Good-morning, Mr. Jones !'' How would that do ? 

Snobbleton —Tush ! he would think you were .'<i>eaking 
under your breath. 

Prudence {almost screaming) — "Good morning !" 

Snobbleton — A mere whisper, my dear cousin. But here 
he comes. Now, do try and make yourself audible. 

[Enter Jones.] 

Snobbleton {speaking in a high voice) — Mr. Jones- 
cousin. Miss Winterbottom — Jones. You will yjlease ex- 
cuse me for a short time. {He retires, hut remains in viexo.) 

Jones {speaking shrill and loud, and offering som^ flowers) 
— Miss, will you accept these flowers ? I plucked them 
from their slumber on the hill. 

Prudence {in an equally high voice) — Really, sir, I — I — 

Jones (asirfe) — She hesitates. It must be that she 
does not hear me. {Increasing his tone) : Miss, will you 
accept these flowers— flowers ? I plucked them sleeping 
on the hill — hill. 

Prudence (also increasing her tone) — Certainly, Mi. 
Jones. They are beautiful — beau-u-tifdi-. 

Jones (aside) — How she screams in my ear. (Aloud.) 
Yes, I plucked them from their slumber — slumber, on the 

hill — HILL. 

Prudence (aside) — Poor man. what an effort it seems 
to him to speak. (Aloud.) I perceive you are poetical. 
Are you fond of poetry ? (Aside.) He hesitates. I must 
speak louder. (In a scream.) Poetry — poethy— POETRY ! 

Jones (aside) — Bless me, the woman would wake the 
dead ! (Aloud) : Yes, Miss, I ad-o-r-e it. 

Prudence — Can you repeat some poetry — Poetby ? 

Jones — I know only one poem. It is this : 

You'd scarce expect one of my age — Age, 
To speak in public on the stage — Stage. 

Prudence (putting her lips to his ear and shouting) — 
Bravo — bravo ! 

Jones (in the same way) — Thank you ! Thank — 

Prudence (putting her hands over her ears) — Mercy on 
us ! Do you think I'm deak, sir ? 

Jones (also stopping his ears) —And do you fancy me 
deaf, Miss ? 

[They now speak in their natural tones.] 

Prudence — Are you not, sir ? You surprise me ! 

Jones — No, Miss. I was led to believe that you were 
deaf. Snobbleton told me so. 

Prudence — Snobbleton ! Why he told me that you were 

Jones — Confound the fellow ! he has been making game 
of us. Here he is. (Perceiving Snobbleton.) You shall 
answer for this, sir. 

Prudence — Yes, sir, you shall answer for this, sir. 

Snobbleton (advancing) — Ha ! ha ! ha ! And to whom 
must I answer ? Ah. Jones, do you remember that 
college joke ? We quit even now. Bye ! bye ! (Leaves 
stage hurriedly.) 

Jones (looking surprisedly at Prudence)— VicW, what 
do you think of that ? 


T Eight Comic Recitations — For bnya and girls Prire, 10c. "f 

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This is a matrimonial court trial, in which Mr. Abra- 
ham Octavius Snooks enters an action against Thomas 
Foozle, proprietor of a matrimonial bureau, to recover 
the sum of $5.00 which he has paid Foozle for securing >' 
suitable wife for him. It is a great case and extremely 
humorous. One act and easily staged. Time, about 
one hour and a half. With a little music additional it 
will provide an evening's program. 

This was originally an American production, but has 
been re-edited by us, making it much longer and adapting it 
to Canadian presentation. The characters consist of young 
men and young women, and a few boys and girls. Some 
prefer to give it with young men acting the parts of the 
prospective brides. Suitable for senior Public or High School 
Pupils, Young People's Societies and Young Men's Clubs. 

We do not sell this play outr'^ht. It is loaned for the 
occasion and must be returned to us. We charge for its use 
10 per cent, of the gross receipts of the entertaimnent. If you 
want something to draw the crowd and to give you a good 
night's clean fun, you will put on this ^eat matrimonial 
case. Send for our blank order form,^ which will be mailed 
to you at once, glAring you full particulars re agreement. 


There is much useful matter put on at various enter- 
tainments throughout the country which might be used 
again in other parts were there some means of getting it 
{■^to print and offering it for sale. To accomplish this, 
we ::re establishing a central . oreau where such matter 
may be sent for pubUcation. We will examine a plays, 
dialogues, drills, marches, etc., forwarded to us, and pay 
cash for everything accepted. 

Pass on to others anything which you have found 
interesting along entertainment lines. 


36 Shuter Street, Toronto. 




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