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By Mr. T O :^ ^ :i 


VOLUME T H E^..?t ti I R D^ 

ft«C UAtK NICNM imrOB lALTlTj SID qJ/OD Mi^CIS A^ 3f 09? 
^'JIlTlNKTj IT IflSClJtX MALUM £STj AtllTAI^VS, - ^ -^ - 



Brlntcd for J. Rivingtc^n^ in St.. Pair's Ciiut^h-yar^ ; 

T. Caslon, Stationer's Court j T. Becket, Strand;. 

F. NEWBERr, St.PauFs Charch^yard; R.Balowi»- 
I 9nd W. Goldsmith, Paternofh;r Rowj I*o n do n* 

? "i T 
V' "X ^J '1 O V >' . T.«T - -T , , - 

'"7 'J "'^ "^ '*^. f ' '- -^ T# » . .^. J 

•<i ^' I '- ^wiM* "ro«H* • ■' 

; J (^ ; 

V ' c .' -1 

{ I:;'- ,i:i-.; J ..'I j.'I j^ ii: ,..-;./ ; .| -t/ :.:):.;. ^ 

.^ T ,f iiir J f- -y «i 


i{l — — - .It. ctkV 

LKXL /^FEsSAr-W«i-Ti!(re.J-^Mr. Town's 

-f — of his Effejfii, and MattJicr'of tj*atmg them, i 

LXXH; Oil So N G s . -^MechatiicalPrifece 6f mdJertf ' "" 
t* '* Song-Wrii&i . -ii 1**51^011 A i D ! a L O G U E, 

a Cfs^ro from ^ moft celie&raCcH iVf^ ^^^rj^j, 8 

LXXIII. On the prefent Taste in MoNi/MENTa,— 

^t ~ per Dtcotaiions ^Chr^imMojjiimefUs, ig 

LXM V- Oil tht Mo D tsT^o^ilid JNftf^^i, in im^i. 

^-' ' ' ^^' ing all Ac P^c^t; iuftead'^iif^T-^a^j, in the 

. Ckarafler of a Fijv'e G^ntleiuan or 

^' ' Y La t>Y'^ Account of a JVf?»M; Trtaiifo en 

Vv -ii^^ 

:u^ ^ * i4 





i» con: T i-E K T S. 

^j ^^ tjyecAcloitdiing^Bo^y^d adorning ^„ 
LXXVI. Ont^epffetcntStateofVoLiTicf. Letter 
liXXVn. i^ttcjr fw>m a M i n &- a h d - Bod x^ • ' 

.. Z)'^' 

^ . ^etweci^v P^«tt« PC -*iJ!^r<f«/ ^^ges and 

and Sofr^ ■ r ( 

iJCXIJf. Wq^pt^iuof a,i<jji^^.J^ in 

/ , ' if. %,Cfll«5^jt^ ^:io:?rR7.Cl -u , 5* 

.^f^^^'^^^y^^?^®y^^s^ATIONs. 6j 

LXXXf . tetter from Mr. Vi l l a c k, giving an Ac- 


i- -"» 



- \ChBt9&m oftheF^Btf^^HiNkBit— ^ 

i ' O^^Mt^BH— DuITNEIiAd-^LoWK. 

^i — q«R--W»*KGtBfc-^-luiaothcr«. 8a 

Xiil^u : ^ tt6dtt^P«%/rti^«iPbets. Propofa 

^I^XXnfrOnS^*iO*?itBi>.: Thfeir tmpoliOicd 
Behaviour on W.(?r<.— Their Contempt 

^[.AAX.v;, Accoiyit oC tfe Fbma.le Thermomb- 

iC^ER. 'Secret* Affci^ of Ladks 

.Va .^i^covcred Ky'itlr-^ExpcM apon 

; "ll'Sfit^fei^ii^^^^^ 

f ittfrflirff^-^Pi^aStf J;^r^li>-«,ami other 

LaXXvI.' Lettofitnn Orator Hicoins, relating 
.V ,his Progrcft i)i l^tiratur$^ by ftodyiag 
inthegttblipf/w//.. > xo^ 

tXXXVH. oil EatikoI CJiamflter^'olrCr^m*;^//, 
i - ,.-:. vAlSi&Et^niyCbk^T'^ri^i^ — 117 

. .-< Lxxxvm 

Vi G O K T E K 1) S> 

-- /^Hj^ii4i:^(f«WMi&> 

..: .c ^--cI^,1Tft«w*^:.,I?ffa»pfiDn of his 

^; ; .\^ /\ 1 i f f »iwWi« for Axnmatefcy ^//^. 1 3 2 
^ XC. OiiGBNivs'aiidApFLicATiON. Hare 

., ... ^ NpjA^^L, WjF.E^; .^..:: 146 

XCIX. OaJ>RiNKijrG., fHiaraflors or&vcsal 
. . HarpPrinkej^s. Various Eftefta 
. _efpRiNiciifG. Stoiyof^<^(/^«and 

t ^ * XCHIr Xyf the tiymni v.—fflUdiV of fcvcral 

■Xdf^i m Tdw^ "^biiiy^^ ittU Af/7/ViiO' 
fe i ^ "'--Capachyr^te'-toiiae!} WNews, in 

n the ^^r% Stile. .-_— i;;^ 

T^ii — XCV.-ThtBRiW^X^ii tin Vision. ~ 179. 

,iii ::::/. J XCVL 


hbrOm. TAci 

'- ^•- "■ Rictt^in-Orftci;* ♦ ■ ' ' 187 

. ;:. . '. . t>- . i/'y . . '^ .. 

XCVIL OFHancbrs-on. TM^-Hmttersztdm^ 

Sort ct ^^^m-oft^'^^ku^tiLS'On 
.: ,,' , in .,the C^wr/or.. .. — _ • *r-^: /lg||, 

XCVUt. Letter fit>m «i Httibaii4»cpn\plaimng of 
' Jus Wife's exoeffive Gbne&ositt and 

^ ^ Gtood-Natuxb. . ; i 202 

v*i , 

XCIX. Letter, cdntsuning the Plan of a Nbw 
Almanack for Pirfins 9/ SliuUty. 
Specimen of it/ in Ohfirvaticns on the 
Mc^befMaj. — — — — 209 

C. Letter from a Han OBR-ONy with the His- 
tory of his life. His Dependance on a 
Nobleman in the Country— on a Gen- 
tleman from /rr^»l^—onaColol|el of the 
Guards— on a yirw— and others — ai6 

CL OntheNBwYEAB.— Embkmaticsdlmage 
of Janvs explained— Moral to be drawn 
from it. ■■ — — 224 


i H 

Cllt letter, on No^ii^iTT^^ywlQr eiPi4igrUs^: 
r ^ ( SteQUOf a If^Ufm^.z:^ ki^ Gfiuchman in 

Helfc Pedigree of zFooTiAAK. — — ^ 233. 

CIU, ^ttef fjpm^a^ of his 

-kSlV. an'THe Abuse of ^(>r^:— Ij^ftances of it 

in.thc Wo|xl Ruined, -Charaaeri of 

" - feveral, iaiS^o Be ' kUiMd.-^oii^.J^^^ 

tion of this Word, by ,a GixLjipbn the t 

T B B 



By Mr, IT O W N, 
Critic and Censor-Generai. 

Numb. LXXf. Thur/d^, June s, JTS(>- 

Eft brevitate ciptis, ut currat fent«itia, tieu k 
Impediat verbis laflfa^ onerantibus aures : 
Et fertnone opus eft modb trifti, fcpejocofo. 

J ivritey as IwouidiaU', iimjhortj and^lear; , 
Not clogg'd with wordsy, that kadthi wearied ear : 
A grave dull EJ/ay now and then goes dawn j 
But folks expeSi to laugh with Mr. Town, 

[MONG the fevera! degrees of au- 
thors, there are nofic pethaps, \vho 
have more obflades to fumiount at 
their fetting out, than the writers- of 
periodical ^ffays. Talk with a modern critic, 
and he will tell you^ that a new paper is a vain 
Vo L, III. B attempt 

a . '7J« fcOKNOISSEUR. N». 71. 

• ••;,, 

•'fAenipt •tftiir-'fiie inimttMe Skctator and 
ithers; ihat all the proper fubjefts are already 
'jpre-occupied, and that it is equally impoffible to 
find out a new field f^r o)>fePTation, as to difcover 
a new world. With thefe prejudices, the public 
are prepared to aec^v^ yti y amT^^^Ie ihey tx* 
peA to be cloyed with ihe Aate repetition of the 
famefire, though ^fled up in a different man- 
ner, they fit down with but little relifh for the 

That the Spectator firft led the way, 
muft ui^9ub|^qdly be acknowMgcd: but that 
his followers mufl for that reafon be always fup- 
pofed to tread ii^ hjs ftep^, can by no m^ans be 
allowed. In the high road of life there are 
feveral extenfive walks, as ^ell as bye- path s^ 
which , we may flrike into, without the neceffity 
of keeping the faipe beaten track . with .tfio{^ 
that have gone' before us. ' New gbjeE^s for ridir 
cule will contlhually prefertt therrifelYcs ;. and even 
the fame charaSers will appear different by being 
differently difpofed J as in the fame pack of cards, 
though QY^r fo often, ^u^fd^ tHf re will never be 
two nands exafily ;^like. . • 

After this iht^rodafliloh 1 hope'to be pjtr- 
ddned^ if 1 indulge rtiyfelf j^ fjicakiri^ z, wprd or 
two concerning my owii endeavours to entqrtfiin 


N^7^-^ 72^ CONNOISSEUIL , i 

tb^ pubUc An4 firfl^ whatever ofcge^oai the 
reader may have had to the fubje^ of my paper$t 
I fb^ll make no applogy for the ms^oaer, in which 
I treat tj^e^. The dread c^ falling 
toto (iphat they are pleafed to call) cp^loqujial 
Varbarifm% has induced iome v^nOiilf^L writers to 
fweU tl^eir hloated di<^pn with uj;icouth phrafea 
^d the sff&&^ j Vgon of pedants. For pjy own 
party I ^cyct go out of the common way of 
<3(pr<;ffion^ fnerdy for tb^ fake of M|trcidMcing a 
n^Pfe ioMnding .^ord w^th a Lifth terp;^ination. 
The Engl^ langi^^g^ ^ fujB&ciently copious ai^ 
^xprefl^ve without ^y f^ir^jer adoption of qcw 
terms ; and the native wor^s feem' to tne to h^ve 
far more force than any foreign auxiliaries, how- 
ever pompoufly uibered in : as Britijh foldiers 
fight our battles better than the alien troops taken 
into .our pay. 

Ti^E fubjeSs of my eflays have been chiefly 
, fuch, as I though might recommend themfelves 
to the public nptice by being new and uncom- 
mon. For this reafon I purpofely avoided the 
worn-out prailice of retailing fcraps of mora- 
lity, and afie<2ing to dogmatize on the common 
duties of life. In this pointy indeed, the Spec- 
tator is immriti^blej npr ;Cpuld I hope to fay 
any thing new upon thefe topics after fo many 
B 2 excellent 


excellent moral arid religious eflays, -which are 
the principal ornament of that work. I have 
therefore contented myfelf with expofing vice 
and folly by painting mankind in their natural 
colours, without affuming the rigid an* of a 
preacher, or the morofenefs of a philofopher. I 
have rather chofe to undermine our fafliionable 
cxceffes, by fecret fapping, than to ftorm them 
by open aflault. In a word, upon all occafions 
I have endeavoured to laugh people into a better 
behaviour: as I -am convinced, that the fling 
<if reproof is not lefs Qiaip for being concealed ; 
and advice never comes with a better face, than 
when it comes With a laughing one. 

There are fome points in the courfe of tbia 
work, which perhaps might have been treated 
with a more ferious air. I have thought it my duty 
to take every opportunity of expofing the abfurd 
tenets of our modern Free-thinkers and Enthufiafts. 
The Enthufiaft is, indeed, much more difficult to 
cure than the Free-thinker ; becaufe the latter, 
with all his bravery, cannot but be confcious 
that he is wrong 5 whereas the former may have 
deceived himfelf into a belief, that he is certainly 
in the right; and the more he is oppofed, the 
more he confiders himfelf as " patiently fuffer- 
** ing for the truth's fake." Ignoraftce is too 



fitd>born to yield to conviSion v and on the other 
hand, thofe, whom ^^ a little learning has made 
•♦ mad,*' are too proud and felf-fufficient to 
hearken to the fober voice of reaibn. The only 
way left us^.tho^elbre, is to root out fuperftition, 
by making it's followers afbamed of themfelves : 
and as for our Free*thiokers, it is but right to 
turn their boafted weapons of ridicule againft 
tl^e^i^ and as they themfelves endeavour to ban- 
ter others out of every ferious and virtuous 
notion, we txxv (in the language of the Pfalmift) 
ihould ^Maugb tkem to- fcorn, and have them 
** in derifion/' 

It is- with' infinite pleafufe that I find myfelf 
^ much encouraged to continue my labours^ 
hy the kind reception which they have hitherto 
met with from the public : and Mr. Baldwin with 
BO lefs pleailire informs me, that as there are 
but few numbers left of the Folio edition, he in- 
tends to colle£b, my papen^ into Two Pocket 
Volumes. The reader cannot conceive how much 
I already pride myfelf on the charming figure* 
which my works wiH make in this new form : 
and I iball endeavour to render thefe volumes as 
complete as I poifible Can, by feveral confiderable 
additions and amendments* Though contraded 
into th( fmall fpace c^ a twelves volume, I ftill 
B 3 hopt 

6 7& CONNOISSEUR. N*; ;i- 

hope to maintiiir my (cffiaxtt dignity $ like iM 
Devils in Milhn*% Pandambmuth^ vHiOf 

— — — — — T9 finaUift fir^ 
keJuc^d fhtirflHtpts hnmenfi^ and tcvrv M hrgi. 

The Spectator has veiy ele^fttljr 
compared his fingle papert; i9 they came out^ 
to ^* cherries on a ftidc/' of the deanidt of 
which the purchafbrs cannot comphmiy who 
are willing to gratify their tiifle With ttvotds fruH 
at Hi's earlieft production. I have tonfidered 
my own papers as fo many flowers, which Joihed 
together, would make up a pretty nofegay ; and 
though each i0f them fingly takiin^ ttizf n&the 
equally admired for their ckiours, tbey m^y' rt* 
cetve an additiociai fhignmce by an happy lihiii^fl 

TflE tofrted dccoratioh in the fitihi of ihf 
pap<^ thbugh perfia^ .ft h!as ibmctiiUb put 
fny ri:holirfl)i{j to a ftand, I cobid by Ho mtanSi 
dtfpenre #lth: for fiifch is the prfeviltncfe of 
cuftomi that ihe nibft Hmtbkd lefTay Without a 
Hlotto Wot!^ld appear to many people as baimed 
and imperfc^, as a beautiftil face without a nofe. 
But ciiftom hai impofed it^oh us a h^w tafk, of 
giving crahAations to thefe mottos; and it has 



been the ufu^l mitfiod to copy thetn promtfcodally 
from Drydenot Ftmidi: thoa^ (sis DenhdfA had 
remarked of tranfbtion m generat) ^ the fpif it of 
^^' the tmgxtal is cipapcmrted in die trtfisfii(ion» 
*< and nothing is left behind but a mere eaput 
^< mortuumy A motto, as it ftands in the ori- 
gUialymfiybe very sp po fite to^thefebjeftof tfat 
efTay. though nothing to the purpbfe iit the com« 
mon tranflation : and it frequently derives all it's 
elegance from an humorous application, in a 
different fenfe to what it bears in the author* 
)>ut of which not the lead trace can appear iti 
the verfiom For this reafoii I have determined to 
give entire ne^ tranfiations, or rather imttatidnSy 
of all the mottos and quotations, adapted to the 
.ftfefent times. And thefe, I flatter myfelf, wiU 
nieft an additiomd beauty on my work; as feme 
of diem admit of epigrammatic turns, whits 
others i>fi%tfd room for livdy and piAurefqtte aBa- 
'fions to modem tnanners, • In this ^refe they will 
•at leaft appear more of a piece with the eflkys 
themfelves ; and not like the patch- work of^rait- 
dom tranllatiotts* 

In the mean time I ihall only add, that If any 

Nobleman, Gentleman, or Rich Citizen, is am- 

•bitbus to have his nanie prefixed to either of 

thefevrfumes, he ii defired to fend in propo- 

B 4 fals. 


£ds, together with a lift of bis virtues and good 
qualities^ to the publifher; and the Dedication 
fliaU be di4>ofed of te the beft bidder. - 

^^^ None butprincisak will be treated with* 


Num LXXIL Thurjday^ Jwu I2> 1755- 

V er{u» kiopes rtrum, nugaecpie canorse. 


lyhat though our fangs to wtt haw m frOtnu^ 
Ths fiddk'Jlkk Jhall fcrapc them inta fenfe. 

THE managers of our Public Gardens^ 
willing to make their fummer diveriions as 
complete as poffible, are not content with laying 
out beautiful walks, and providing an excellent 
baud of mufic, but are alfo at much expence 
to amufe us with the old EngKJb entertainment 
of Ballad* {ing!ng» For this end they not only 
retain the beft voices that can be procured, but 
each of them alfo has a poet in ordinary, wha 
is allowed a ftated fakry, and the run^of the Glar- 
deos» The produdions of thefe petty laureats 
naturally come within my notice as Critic: 
and^ indceJ^ whether I am at Vawcball^ Ram^ 

N*,73t. 7*^ CONNQISSEUR. 9 

lagh^ MarybofUy or even SadJUr*s tydb^l indulge 
myfelf in many remarks on the poetry of the 
place ; and am as attentive to the Songs as to the 
Cafcade, the Fireworks>or Mi& IfahUaJf^tlkinfm. 

Ballads feem pecuIhtrFy adiiptcrf to ffte 
^nuis of our people j and iare a fpecies of com*' 
pofition, in whicb we are fuperior to all othct 
nations. Many of oar old £w^A}*5o'ngs* have in 
them an affed^ing fknpttcii^ ; ^nd it is Remark- 
able, that our bed writers have not been afhamed 
to cultivate this branch, of poetry. Cowley^ 
fValkr, Rofcommony Roia^ Gay^ Prior ^ and many 
otherS) have left behind them very elegant 
Ballads : but it muft be confefied, to the honour 
of the prefent age^that it was referved for our 
modern writers^ to- bring this kind of poetry' to 
perfe&ion. Song-writing b no.w reduced to cer- 
tain rules of art V) and the Ballad* maker goes to 
work by a method as^ regular and mechanical, ae 
a carpenter or a blackimitlk 

Swi^T, in his Voyage toLaputOyJiekTibes a ma*- 
chine to write books in allarts-and fciences ! I have 
alfo read of a mill to make verfes ; and remem- 
ber to have feen a curious tabie^ by the affiftance 
of which, the moft illiterate might amufe them- 
selves in compofing hexameters and pentameters 
B 5 in 

10 TfcCONNOlBSfetJili N:^x. 

in Latin: In>^todoils firotftierfMly ctlerftttd for 
ibc promotion cf literature. Whatever gende* 
iBen of Grwkftrm Xft bdiM are ambidons t« 
cnlkft themiUvei m luickney fonnetteers, are ^ 
fired to attend to the following rules, drawn from 
the praSice of our modern Song-writer»: a ftt of 
genlMfes excellent in their manner, and who 
will probably be hereafter «8 i^i3K:h Jmown and 
admired as Garden - Poets, as the celebrated 
7pyUr is now famous under the denomanatioa 
of Water-I^oct. 

1 MUST beg leave pofithrely to coiitradiA 

any reports, infinuatiiig that 6iir Ballid-ifiaksers 

are in pofleffion of fuch a machine, mill, or 

table as above-mentioned ; and bdkve it to be 

equally faife, that h is tbeir pra^lice t6 huftte 

jcertain quaiot icrms and phrafes together 4nla^tiat, 

and tsd^e them out kt random. It has, indeed, 

,beeh averted on forae juft ground, that their pro*- 

duflions are totally void of fehfe and expveffibn, 

that they have little rhyme and leis reafon, and 

that diey are, from beginning to end, nothmg 

more than nonrenfical rhapfbdies to a new tune. 

This (^^rge I do not mean to deny : though I 

cani^ot but lament the deplorable #ant of taAe, 

that mentions it as a fault. For it is this very 

circufloAance,; which I, who am profefledly a 


If.yi* »r CONNOISSEUR. » 
C^NNOistBOit, paiticiihrljr admire. & Is a 
"received maxfan with all compofers of nulli^ 
4htt nothing b fo mebdiooi as noafenfe. Maaty 
fenfe is MO haiplh and iMkfjm to fp thRmgli 
the litiflnfberlds divifions and fid>«diif ifions of mo-- 
'dern mtifict ^^^ ^ he triHtd forth in crocfatl3 
and demiic[iiaye». For Ihiflf r^fon, thought is 
"fo csLntmidy (prinkled orer a modern Songs 
which it is the hufme6/0f the finger to warUe 
■into fentiflient. 

Our Baihid-i-makeFs for the^moft pare Aide 
jnto the famiiiar itife, end sSkA that cafy manner 
<rf wriciog, which (according to fFydterfy) .is 
eafily written. Seeing the dangerous confequence 
<^ meaning, in -words adapted to mi^, they 
-are v^ frugal of ijetfitiment: and indeed they 
iiufband. it ib wdl, rthat tibe £une thoughts are 
^aptod to every fbng. The only variation 
xequififOe in twenty Ballads is, that the laft line 
of the ftanza be different. In this Jogenipus 
line the wit of the whole Song confifts : and the 
author, whether he Jbgll dii if h$ ht^a rwt the lafi 
if the miUj ^ de^rya to }f ^tfhnd ^ !fffh ^^xtt^ 
met bis diiSi^onfuy of rl^ymes. ifx wor^s of a 
£milar ibund, at>d every veife jinxes to the is^x^ 
word, with all tl^e iigreeable variety of a J&t of 
tells eternally ripging thq fame peal. 

B 6 The 

ift th CONNOISSEUR. N^./a. 

The authors of love-fongs formerly wafted 
a great deal of poetry in illuftrating their own 
paffion and the beauty of their nii(lK&} bui 
,our modem peeta^cbol^t themfelves- with* falling 
ia love* witht her; aaine«> Theie caonot be a 
greater misfoctMlie^to one of (hefe rhymers, than 
a miftrefs with. an hard n^me : fiich a misfortune 
fends them all over the world, and makes them 
run through all arts,, fciences, and languages for 
correfpondent terms; and after all perhaps the 
name is fo bar& and untra£bble, that our poet 
lias, as much difficulty to bring it into veife, as 
the celebiaters of the Duke of Marlborough were 
puzzJed to reduce to rhyme the uncouth names 
©f the Dutcfj Towns taken in Queen Anne's wars* 
Valentine in Love for Love^ when he talks of 
turning poet, ordcus Jen^ to get the maids to.- 
gether of an evening to Crambo : no contemptible 
bint to our Baliad-makers, and which, if properly 
made ufe of,, would be of as much fervice to them: 
as Byjbe*s Art of Poetry.. 

Feariko left this method of Song-writmg' 
fliould one day grow obfolete, in order to preferve 
to pofterity fome idea of it, I have pat together 
the following dialogut as afpecimen of the modern 
manner. I muft however be ingenuous enough 
to confefs^ that I can claim no farther merit in 



N^7^- t;^/ CONNOISSEUR. 13 
this ele^mt piece than that of compiler. It is a 
Cento from our mod cekbratcd new Songs ; 
firom which I have carefully culled all the fweeteft 
flowers of poetry, and bound them up together. 
As all the are taken from different Songf 
iet to different tunes,. I would humbFy propofe^ 
that this curious performance (hould be fung 
jointly by all the beft voices, in the mariner of 
a Dutch concert, where every man fings his own 
tune. I had once fome thoughts of affixing 
marginal references to each l^e,. to' inform the 
readfer by note, at what place the Song, whence 
k is taken, was fiitt fung. But I ^all fpare 
myfcJf that trouble, by deilrjng the reader to 
look on the whole piece,, as arifing from a coali- 
tion of our Bioft eminent Song- writers at Vaux-^ 
hall^ Rant/agh^ Maryhoniy and &a£et'i .JVelh : 
afluring him, that this (hort dialogue contains 
riic pith anci marrow, or rather fto bofrow aa 
expreffion from the . Fine Lady iq Lithe y the 
^tnfetenci and Emptity of nil ourrmoderibSongs. 



C RY D O N and SUSAN.. 

duf, A H I; wh&hei^ fo fad Would my Cory don got 

jTjL Step. in, you've nothing elfe to do. 
Cor. They fay I'm in love, but I anfwerno, no j 
So I wiih I may die if I do. 


14 7»r CONNOISSEUR. U-.ji. 

Once my iMttt playM t tone that went pitt)r patde. 
And I figkM b«c I codd not leU why. 
Novir kt what will happen, by 7»vf I'll be free* 
Sm/: O fye^ (ktphoA, fye, ihepherd, fye. 

Cpr. Though you bid me b^;one back again. 
Yet, $uhj9 no mafter for that. 
The women love kiiling as well as the men* 
Sm/1 Why, what a pox would you be at ? 

You told «iea t|d^ of a cook and a buD ; 
Upon my wordhe did» 
(?9r. I fwear I meant nothing but playing the fooL 
S/(/l Vuy fine I very pretty indeed ! , 

Cor, Come, come, my dear Suhy, to churdi let us go $ 

No more let your anfwer be no. 
Sif/l Thedaoefuyeisinhittitoi^agtteamaidib: 

I cmuMt deny yoo, yottknow* 

C H OR U S by B O TH. 

- No eonrtiets can be lb happyias we. 
Who bin like the fpacrow and dove. 
I love St/e, and Sue loves me. 
Situ; ^s is nmtual love. 


N».74 7l# CON N DISS EU*. 15 
No MB. LXXIII. tburfiajt Jwu 19, 1756. 

I !<■ t i i ,kA* 

' Secetdete factia profMiit* HoU; 

fner^ver G^ ireffion boufi tf fr4xfr^ 

The Dfuil always has a chapil tbtri. . D&FOJU 

WALKING die other day in ^'j/S^^^ 
Abbey, amoi^ the many oftentatknis 
monuments ercAed to kings and warriors^ I 
could hot help bbfc^rving a little ftone, on which 
was this pompous infcription— jSz/fw Mnrnrise 
Sacrum— ^QXti to the Etcrnil Memory of ■ \ 
The name of the perfon to whom immortality 
was thus fecured, is almoft obliterated; and 
t>erhaps^ when alive, he Was little known, and 
foon forgot by the fmall circle oJF his friends 
and acqctaintance. 

I HAVE been ufed to look upon epitaphs as 
'a kind of fiattering dedications to the dead 5 in 
which is fet down a long catalogue of virtues 
that nobody Inew they were poiTefled of while' 
living, and not a word of their vices or follies. 
The veracity of thefe pofthumous encomiums 
may, indeed, be fairly fiifpeftcd, as we are gifne- 
rally tdd, that the difconfolate widow, or weep- 

%6 22* CONNOISSEUR, N-.yj, 
ing Ton, erc£ted thd monument in tcAimony of 
their afflidion for the lofs of the kindeft hufband, 
or moft. aiFe£lionate father. But what dowager,, 
who enjoys a comfortable jointure by her good 
man's deceafp, sffouid refufe to fet her hand to it 
on his tomb- done, that he was the bed of huf- 
bands, though perhaps they had parted beds ? or 
what heir would be fo bafe and ungratefuf^ as not 
to give a few good words to a crabbed parent after 
his death, in return for his eftate ? 

By the extravagant praifes, which are thus in- 
^ricriminately laviflied on the afhes of every perfon 
alike, we entirely perver;t the origlnaF intent of 
kpjtaphs, which were cbntrrved to do honour and 
jufticc to the virtuous and tlie good. But by tKe 
prefent practice the reputations of men are ecji^alty 
coiiftninded with their duft in the grave,, where 
*lheriB is ho diffinSioh between the good and 
the bad. The law has appointed fearcliers tb 
enquire, when any one dies, into the caufe of 
bis death : in the fame manner I could wifh,. 
that fearchers were appointed to examine into 
hfs way of living, before a. character be given of 
him upon the tomb-ftone^ 

The flatteries, that arc paid to the deceafed, arc 
undoubtedly owing to the pride of their furvivors, 



which is the fame among the loweft as the bigbeft 
fct of people. When an obfcure grocer or tallow- 
chandler dies at his lodgings at IJUngUfn^ th^ 
news- papers are ftufted with the fame detail of 
his virtues and good qualities, as when a duke 
goes out of the world : and the petty overfeer 
ef a little hamlet has a painted board ftuck up 
at the end of his wickered turf^ wkh a diftic^ 
letting forth the godlincfs of his life, in humble 
imitation of the nobleman^ who sepofes under a 
grand maufoleum ere£^ed to his memory, with a 
Jong lift of his titles and heroic deeds. 

Ths great, indeed, have found means t« 
"f!q;>arate themfelves eveir in then* granres from the 
vulgar, by having their aihes depofited in churches 
and cathedrals, and covered by the moft fuperb 
monuments : but the falfe* pomp of the moni»- 
ment, as well as the grofs flattery of the infcription, 
often tends only to make the deccafed ridiculous. 
In my late vifK to Weftminfter Ai)bey^ I could^not 
but iscmart the difference of Tafte, which* hais 
prevailed in fctting up thefe edifices for the dead. 
In former times, it was^ thought fufficient to clap 
up the buft or ftatue of the deceafed, fet round 
perhaps with the embliems of their merits, their 
employment, or ftation of life. Thus, if any lady 
^a& remarkable for her virtue and piety, it was 


18 «^CONNOl$SEUR. N*.;^; 

pomted our by f#o 6r thi^ little chubby-faced 
cheruMms, crying for her death, or holding a 
cMwa over her head, t'he wanior was fpread 
Mt at full length in a complete fait of armour^ 
withr the trophies of war hung round about him ; 
and the bifliop was laid fiat upon his back, witk 
his ^difed bead refting on a ftone bible, and hii 
hancb j6intd together in the pofture of praying. 

I F S^ratesy or any other of the ancient phi- 
lo(bphei^ could revive again, and be admitted into 
Wijimnjiif Abbey, he woidd now be induced to 
fancy himfelf in a Pantbion. The Modem Tafte, 
aiot consent witli faurddtidiiig JUmkfi t^pl#rinto 
aiitr churches, and reprefeming the Viftues ^uider 
idfegofical ia^agtt, baa tanfacked all the fabulom 
^Kxounis of the Heailien Theology to ftrike out 
new embellifhmcnta for our QjrjfiiaH montimentf. 
,We are nor th the \^A Anrprifed to fee MnaHtj 
atfiehding the tcmb of an orator, and PUkt er 
Ihf^iiUs fitppoirtbig that of a iii^aiirlor. If there 
Is im a flop put to thiaTafte, we may (bon 
MpeA to fife 6ur churches, inftead of being do- 
iliciated to die fervice of religion, fet apart for the 
itsception of the Heathoi Gods. A deceafed ad- 
miral Will be reprefeneed like Niphttte^ with a tri- 
^dent in his ha^d, drawn in a (hell by dolphins, 
pMceded by Trtm^ and followed by NtreiM lath- 


Big the marbk Wftved vA^ flklr taSli. A gaiend 
will be hdbitoi like ^a^, beaAiig ah hdmet and 
ijpear in pelifiied ftone i and a tdebrated toaA 
will be fttstk up naked, like the Fifms di Mididi^ 
cut in alatelfter. Our pious ferefiithers weit 
contented with ifxhibitiAg to us the tifual emUMis 
of deadi, the houir-^Iars, thfe ftdll, and the cio&- 
marrow -bon^« Thefe ^Wems, if m* very 
elegancy Weit it leis^ not indecent : but Dow tire 
Thit^ FitaJ Slftew, niehtJoried in the H^theh 
Mythology, muftbeihtrodiiced fpinning, drawing^ 
isind cttttlAg the thread of Hfe. Could one of the 
JAft cetittiry fee a wihjgrf figtirrf Wdwfng ii ixutXipk 
*<*! &6 ijj^ bf^' liiddern iti6ntiih^, ftfc yotifil 
"bci apt ixi tmibike' it for an ltAi-^%t\ ^ ^ 
natuirtiHy put ift inlftd of that ii^fbl tte«, " iirtidi 
*^ the trumpet (hall (burtd, ahd the tf^d ^alt riie> 
But the defigri, we are tdd^ is very di^efent'^ 
ahd thi^ it^ihged ttkt&tkget is ho otK^r dian the 
HHticrii pferfottage-of Fame, Wii6 i^ prbcliinain^ 
the virtiie^ of rfWdeftlrtft round the wbrtd. ' ^ 

Itp hsts befett reeoitf mended, on a different ac- 
<;ount, to have ^ fe^arlte place, diftin£t from our 
churches, for the I'eeeJ^tidri of our monuments. 
I could *rtfli to fee fuch a fchemc put in es^e- 
tcitkMi^ foKthe prtfent dbftird mixture of the 
' fevdral objifts of the P4^» and i^ifiidti belief, ^s 


50 W^^CONNOISSEUR, N-.jf. 

veprefented on ^c tombs lately fee up in con>- 
pliance with the Modem Taftc, muft be (hocking, 
to every ferious beholder. Should any one pro* 
pofe to take down from St. PauPs cathedral thofe 
paintings of Sir Jamis TomhHl reprefenting the 
^ttranfadions of St. Pauly and in> their place to fet 
up Titian I pi£iures of the amours of the Heathen 
Gods.^ Goddefles, every one wputd be &ockad 
at the impiety of the prop<^^. But the fafhion 
pf introducing Heathen DeiUes into our monu* 
tnents is not much lefs abfurd : and as Milton has 
been blamed for his frequent allufions to the Hea- 
then Theology in his Sacred Poem, fureJy we 
are more to be condemned for admittix^ ^h^ 
whole clafa^of their fi£litious deities into theHou(e 
of God itfelf. A reformation in this point is no le& 
neceflfary than from the Popijh fuperflitions ; and 
thefe profane imag^, though not the obje^ of 
our idolatry, have no more pretence to be fet up 
in the Tcmpk of the Living Lord, than- thofe 
of the canonized Saints of the Roman Catholics*. 

Moix^RN Tafte is contkiually ftrikingout 
new improvements. We may therefore conclude, 
that when our ftatuaries have travelled through^ 
the ancient Pantheon^ and cxhauftcd all the fub- 
je£b of the Grecian and Roman Mythology, we 
ihall have recourfe to the fuperftitions of other 



1^.74- TJ^ CONNOISSEU'R; at 

fiations for the defigns of our monuments. Tliey 
will then probably be adorned with Mgyptlan 
Hieroglyphics, and the tomb of fome future hera 
may be buHr according^to the model of <he Pro- 
phet's t6mb at Mtcca. It is not to be doubted, 
but that the Chirufe Tafte, which has already 
taken pofleffion of our gardens, our buildings, 
^nd our furniture, will alfo foon find it's way into 
our churches: and how elegant muft a monu- 
ment appear, which is crefled in the Chimfi 
Tifte, and embelUflied with dragons, bell$, Pa- 
gbds,'and Mandarins 1 
•O * 

Numb. LXXIV. -rhurfdayy Jum 26, 1755. 

^— — — Non ita Romuli 
Praefcriptum, et intonfi Catonis 

Aufpiciis, veterumque norm^. HoR* 

Rome hafts her fons^ a race of^ubhomfeolsy • ■ i 
To virtue trairCd by grey-beard Cato'i rides : 
Such rigid pride our mdeji youth difclaimj 
Great in their ^imfs^^ and glorious in their flu/me* : 

THERE Is no method of reproof more in' 
'vogufe, than the fafcion of drawing in- 
vidious parallels between thfe pref<^ht times and' 
4He paft. The gruml)Kng poKtitiafi rails over 


3^. yirCONNpiS?ppjl. N^-74. 
bis coffee ^t the prefent ipipiftry^ f^id remiads 
you with a figh of the goU^n days of Queea 
Befs : while, in matters of le(s confequence, the 
critic (hakes his head at Mr, Town, and 
mentions Bickbj|istaff. But thf ^^or^lifta 
are above all others devoted to tbjs, pf^ce^^ 
Thefe wife gentlemen arc ccj^tinually loo)uqg 
backwards,- and C9pdenuilng )vhat lays imn^- 
diatcly bc^fore them by i^etrol^ft. They are for 
ever harping on thb jarring cbprd, and 
tz2j$^ more words in ;heir poutb^ than tbq 
folemii fentences faid u> b^ diqlivered \y ttm 
Bacon's Brazen Head, Time ts^^Ttmt tva^y^ 
Time is pajl* 

No xompariJons of this ibrt are fo frequency 
repeated, and fo .much infifted on, as thofe 
drawn between the Ancients and Mpd^rn"!^. If 
an eloquent member of the Hodfe of Cqnimons 
i^ cruelly fufpefled of bellowing for a place, 
nothingr rings in hts ears but Ttdly and De^ 
mqfthenesi If a gentleman or perhaps a noMe- 
man, with ian heavy mortgage upon his eftate, 
difencumbers it by felKng his intcreft at a county 
c|e?ai9n, he i? iqimediatdy upbraide^ wfth pqe, 
Ronfatj^^ ^t T?s, i)|[jt ^flyiqpe^. tp /ojlpw tl^e 
pfough C^i]»^d ^other^.^|)|pcou|d refufejl^^ 
brijtwe?, and ^content hinafelf with a cotta^ ,^nd 


N*. 74- fi^C(ONNOI5SEUR. 23 
turnips. If a My mukes ^n l^tfQItllnate flip^ 
ih^ is told ag^n and s^gain pf JLitcretia, and fifty 
ether fchool-boy tales of l^qno^r and chaftity. 
Jn a wordy tfoere is not o|ie fafliionable fraikyt 
\>ut has fomp ftubborn antiquated virtue ftit in 
oppofition to it } ai^ p^^ unhappy motropolv 
1$ every day threatened with, (kftr^u^ton, ibr 
it's degener^acy frpm t)i^ r^id mi^Qis oi Rmu 
or Sparta. 

In the midft of all thefc f^vere refl^£lion8'9 it 

gives me infinite pleafure^ that I can with jufticp 

take notice of the ipcqnteftible fuperiprity oftltha 

Moderns in point of Modefty. The arrogance 

of the Ancients was fo rcmarjcahley that, in their 

idea of a perfect charader, they included every 

public and private virtue. They aimed at a ftri^ 

bbfervance.of all the duties of life : and if fomc 

old Romans had been ftiled Gods ivhU« liyiPgi 

it would not have been fucK grofs flattery a? 

was afterwards praAifed in honouring the Empe* 

rors with an Apotheofts. Their inflexjWe honcfty 

Was their perpetual boaft, and their virtue W5^ 

their pride. This high idea of a PerfeS Cbarafter 

iamong the Ancients naturajly ur^cdthem to lift 

themfelves to an invidious fuperiority above the 

reft. 6f. the world:' while the modeft Moderns, 

by taking all the vices, inftcad of the virtues, into 


^^4 The CONN'OrSSEpR. N^. 74* 

Adr notion of a Fine Gentleman, endeavour to 
let themfelves down to a level with the loweft of 
■their fpecies, and have laid the fureft foundatioil 
for humility. Fine Gentlemen arc fo far from 
being proud^ that they arc never guilty of any 
thing, wWch gives them the feaft reafon to be fol 
and our Fine Ladies have none ©f the difgufting 
haughttnefs of virtue, though indeed, they arc 
feldom known to be afliamed* 

. It is impoffiblc to devife any one method of 
lowering the good opinlcm a man ^ight pebbly 
conceive of himfelf, that has not been put in 
praftice. No Fine Gentleman ever aimed at 
acquiring any excellence: and if any natural 
perfedlions might give fome little occafion for 
pride, the greateft pains have been taken <o 
deftroy them. Good parts have been often 
drowned in drunkennefs, and a ftrong conftitution 
iweated away in bagnios : and in the mean time 
learning has been totally neglected, left improve- 
ment (hould bring on pedantry and literary pri^» 
The moft fhining parts in the chara<Ster of*a 
Fine Gentleman are, that he drinks deep, dreflcs 
genteelly, rides well, can flioe bis own horfe* 
and is poflefTed of fome other qualifications which 
noboSy caii ever (ufpea, that a mind^ the leaft 
given to ambition, would ever labour to acquire* 

N^-74- 7Jf CONNOISSEUR. 15 

For my part I am (b far from agreeing with our 
Satirid, that the Idve of fame is the univerftl 
paffion, that when I obfcrve the behaviour of our 
Fine Gentlemen, I am apt to think' it proceeds 
from the loweft and hnmUeft turn of mind. In- 
deed, their fingular Modefty appears to me the 
only means of accounting for their aflions, which 
commonly tend to place them in the meaneft and 
moft contemptible light. 

Nothing but this invincible Modefty, and 
fear of feen^ing to aim at excellence, could ever 
give rife to certain habits, not orAy ridiculous, 
but ungraceful. Good eyes, for inftance, arc 
umverfally acknowledged to give luftre to the 
whole countenance; yet fafhion and humility 
have blinded the whole town. The beau draws 
his eyes out of his pocket, and the beauties kill 
us through fpying glafles. It has been known to 
be the vogue for perfons of fafhion to lofe the 
ufe of their legs, and limp along as if they were 
crippled : this practice I daily expe£t to be re- 
vived : for I take it for granted, that the tall 
ftaves now carried about muft naturally dwindle 
into crutches. Ari inarticulate lifp even now 
infers the delivery in polite convcrfation. It is 
not at all unfafliionable to pretend deafnefs 5 
and . unlefs the ladies objedt to it, I do no defpair 
Vol.. III. C of 

t6 Ti» CONNOISSEUR. N^74. 
of feeing the tivc, wb^ (he whole modUh worM 
(hall affeft to be dumb. 

This humble way of thinking has been car- 
ried fo iar, that it has even introduced a new 
fpeciea of bypocrify. Fine Qef>tlemen> fearii^ 
left their good quaUttes ihouU in their own 
defpite overbalance thtir bad ones, claim fevcral 
vices, to which they hawe bo title. There is 
fomething very admirable and ingenuous in this 
difpofkion among our young people^ who not 
only candidly difcover all their frailties, but accuie 
tbemrdves of faults, w;hich they never intended 
to commit. I know a yot^ng fellow, who is 
almoft every morning complaining of the bead^ 
ache, and cuHlng the laft night's Champagne at 
the St. JIhan% when I am well aflured he pafied 
his evening very foberly with bis maiden auAts in 
Cheapjide. I am al fo acquainted with* another 
gentleman, who is very fond of confe/Ei^ his 
intrigues, and often modeftly takes (k^me to 
himfelf for the great niifchief he does, among 
the women i though J well bK>w, he :is too 
bafhful even ,to mafce l^ve to his laundrefs. Re 
fometimes lament? publickjy the utnlucky confe-^ 
quences of an amour, and ha« .aiWe tbfm onc^ 
been difcovered to i^nd pilUboKep anrf :gaUipot8 
diredled for himfelf, to be left at the bar of 


N%74- 72i^ CONNOISSEUR* a; 

oeighbG«iring coi{ee<^ho«fet. The faoie bumble 
turn of mind induces the frugal to appear extrava- 
gant } and makes many a reUgtoua young fellow. 
4eny hh priaciples, brave his confciehoe, and 
^f^ the chgra^ and converfatibn of an atheift^^ 
To fay the truth, tbe^nerality of the gay world 
^i^e arf^ hypopriteis in their vicc9> and appear to 
be worfe tbadii 4hey really are. Many of our 
pretended Bloods.are, in'£i^» np mpn; drunkapdsy 
whorepfia(brs» or iiniidels, than a buljy is a maa 
of courage 5 and are as little fincere in their boaft? 
pf vice, gs. i^atofinen or bqauties in their mutual 
profeffions of friendihip, ^ 

i ' . ' 

THfAT part of the female world, which com- 
pofes the order of Fine I^adies, have as much hu- 
mility a? their count€;rpf rts, the Fine Gentlemen. 
Tistere h fomething io cbarrping in the fair fex, 
that we £hould almoft adore theBi, (if they did not 
lay;afide all ^^ pride of reputations and by fome 
good-patured familiarities redw^e tbemfelves to 
an equality w^th us. It is, indeed, wonderful 
to obferve, with what diligence our polite ladies 
pace 4pff, the ex^llenoies- from their charai9ers. 
\jVrhien we. fee them aJmQfl as na^^d as the 
(^ofBSy I it is -natural ip fuppofe : tl>^i^, as warmly; 
devoted ^o f^dfiusi aj)d when; we. heac^^m talk- 
loofely, and encourage double me^Ai^gs in con- 
C 2 verfatlcn, 

t% 7J^ CONNOISSEUR. N^ 74. 
Ycrfation, wc arc^pt to imagine their notions- rf 
honour not very ftrift or fevcre* But after all, 
tbis is frequently mere hypocrify, and the effeft 
of humility.. Many a lady, very wanton in 
appearance, is in reality very modeft j and maiiy- 
a coquet hai loft her reputation without lofing 
her virtue. I make no doubt, but that fevcrat 
ladies of fufpicious charafleis are not fo bad as 
diey feem, and that there are honourable perfons 
among the gayeft of our women of quality, 

• To return whertce I kt out, the extraordinary 
Modefty of the Moderns, fo averfe to the arro- 
gant pride of the Ancients claiming all virtues 
and good qualities whatfoever, is the only key to 
their behaviour. Vice, or at leaft the appearance 
of vice,becomesabfolutely requifite to pafs diroogh 
the world with tolerable decency, and the cha- 
rafter of a man of fpirit. As Sir John Brute fays,' 
*« they were fneaking dogs, and afraid of being 
«< damned in tliofe daysi" but we are better 
informed, and fear nothing but the appearance 
of too much virtue. To fecure the nobflity, 
gentry, and others, from fo Ibocking an impu- 
tation, a friend of mine will fpeedily prefent 
the world ^ith a curious piece compiled from 
the praSice and principles of the prefent times, 
entitled, A Ni^i) Treattfi on Ethics ^ or^ a^Sjflm 


of Immoral Phihfopby. In this work he ha3 
treated at large of Modern Modcfty, Ihewn 
the excellence and utility of Immorality, and 
confidered Drinking^ Whoring, Fighting, and 
Gaming^ as the four Cardinal Vices, or in other 
words, the principal corUliCU^ntr of Bucks^ Blpods> 
and Fine Geijikm^n,^ . 

. Numb. LXXV, Thurfday^ July 3, 1755. 

Non tu corpus eras fine peftorc. — Hoit. 

Jf^tbQUt^ a mind a tnan is but m ape^ 
A mere brute Hdy in an humm Jhape. 

GOOD -NATURE is to the mind, what 
beavty is to the body; and an agreeable 
difpofitlon creates ^ love and efteem fpr us in the 
left of mankind^ as aq handfbme perfon recom- 
mends us to the good graces of the fair fex. It 
may be further obferved, that any little defe£l in 
point of figure is fooner overlooked, than a four- 
nefs in the temper ; and we conceive a moce laft- 
ing difguft at a morofe churliOmefs of manners, 
than at an hump-bsfck or a pair of bandy leg*?. 
XSeod-Nature is, indeed, fo amiable a qualifi- 
C 3 cation, 


cation, that every man would be thought to pof* 
ieh it : and the ladies themfelVes would no more 
Hkc to be accufed 6f a perverfc turn of mind, 
tfian (^ an unhappy caft of features, (ience it 
proceeds, that thofe unfortunate ftale virgins, ufix- 
ally called (^d Maids, have both thefe heavy 
cenfures thrown upon them ; and arc at once 
condemned as ugly and ill*natured« 

SoMrR perfims are {according to tb« ftriS 
import of the phrafe itfelf ) born Good-Natuied, 
Thefc fortunate people are cafy in thcm(clv€>, 
and agreeable tp all about them. They are, u it 
were, conftitutionally pleafing ; and can no more 
fail of being oSMt ami engaging in converfatSon, 
than an Hami&m or a Coventry can be otherwife 
th an beautiful and charming. Yet it is the duty 
even of thofe who arc naturally endowed «* witii 
** the foft parts of converfation,*' to be careful 
not to deprave or abufe them. They muft not 
rely too confidently on their native fweetnefi of 
difpofition : for we fiiould no more efteeni a man, 
who difcovered a negligence of pleafing, than wt 
fiiould admire a beauty^ who was an intolerable 
flattern. Nor, on the other hand, fiiould they 
let their Good-nature run to an excefs of com- 
pliment and extravagant civility : for an engage- 
ing temper has been as often fpoilcd by this trouble 



(bme politenefs, as a fine fhape has been fqueezed 
into frightful diftortions by tight ftays, and a fine 
complexion entirely ruined by paint. 

But if this care is rcquifite, even in thofe 
few who are Weft with this native complacency 
and ^)od humour, how ncceflary is it for the 
generality of mankind to labour at. rectifying the 
irregularities in their temper ? For this purpofc 
it would be fully Sufficient, if they would employ 
half the art to cultivate their minds, that is daily 
ufed to fet off their perfons. To this important 
end, not only the female delicacies of paint and' 
dlence are called in as auxiliaries to the embroi- 
dered fujts and Fnnih peruques, but this anxiety to 
ibpi^ ai^y perfonal defe£b has fet the invention 
of ^tfficers ta work with fo much eameftnefs, 
l))at diere i$ fcarce any external blemiih, which 
may not be rei^oved or concealed ; and however 
linWildly nature may have dealt with you, you 
may by their affiftance be made a model for a 
ftatuary, or a pattern for a paimer to ftudy. If 
you want an inch in height, your flioe-maker can 
ftipply it ; and your hofier can furnifh you with a 
pair of calves, that may put an Irijhman to 
the bltifli. An irregularity in ^our fhape can be 
made invifible by y6ur taylor, or at Icaft by the 
artift near the Haymarhety who daily gives no- 
C 4 tice. 

32 7*^ CONNOISSEUR- N^. 75^ 

lice that he makes fteel flays for all thoky who 
are inclined to he crooked. There are various 
beautifying lotions and cofmetics> that will cure 
fpots and freckles in the complexion, and combs 
and unguents^ that will change red hair to the 
fineft brown. Do you want an eye ? Tayhr will 
fill the vacant focket with as bright a piercer, as 
the family of the Pentweazla can boaft. Or is 
your mouth deficient for want of teeth ? Patd yul' 
Hon J (to ufe his own'phrafc) will re^fy your beady 
and will fix a fet in your gums as even and as 
white, as ever adorned the mouth of a chiminey- 
fweeper. Thefe, and many other inventions no 
lefs curious and extraordinary have been devifed ; 
and there are no operations, however painful) 
which have not been fubmitted to with patience^ 
to conquer perfonal deformities. I know a gen- 
tleman, who went through the agony of having 
his leg broken a fecond time, becaufe it had been 
fet awry ; arul I remember a lady, who died of ;i 
cancer in her breaft, occafioned by the applicar 
tion of repelling plaifters to keep back her miUc^ 
that the beauty of her neck might not be de- 
flroyed. I moft heartily wilh the fame refolutioa 
was difcovered in improving the difpofition. Ttdly^ 
in that part of his Officei where he ipeaks of 
Grace, tells us, ♦' that it is deftroyed by any 
*^ violent perturbations either of the body or 

<• mind.** 

** mind." It is a pity, that mankind cannot be 
reconciled to this opinion ; fince it is likely, they 
would fpare no pains in cultivating their minds, 
if it tended to adorn their perfons. Yet it is cer- 
tain, that a man makes a worfe figure with an 
ignorant pate, that an unpowdered peruque: and 
that knowledge is a greater ornament to the head, 
than a bag or a fmart cocked hat ; that anger 
fets like a blood-fhot in- tfte eyes, while Good'- 
Nature lights them up with fmiles, and' makes 
every feature in the face charming and agreeable; 

• IThe difficulty of befng convinced that we 
want this focial turn, is the grand reafon, that 
{6 little pains are taken to acquire and perfeft it. 
Would a man' once be perfuaded of any irregu- 
larity in his temper, iie would find the blemilhes 
of the mind more eafily corrected and amended, 
than the defefts and deformities t)f the body : but 
alas! every man is in his own opinion fenfibfe 
and good-humoured. It is, indeed, poflible to 
convince us, that we have a bad complexion or 
an atikward deportment, which we endeavour to 
amend by wafhes and a dancing-mafter ; but 
when tlie mitid is accufed, felf-adulatibn, the 
moft fatal fpecies of flattery, makes us cajole our- 
fclves into a belief, that the fault is not in our 
<own difpofition, but in that 6f our companions ; 
C 5 as 

.3+ 7VCONNOISSEUR. N^ 75. 
as the mad inhabiunts of Mmrfields conclude 
all that come to vifit them out of their fenfes. 
This foolifli flattery it is, that makes us think ouf- 
felyes inflexibly in the right, while we are obfti- 
nately wrong, and prevents oyr receiving or com- 
municating any pleafure in focicty. A whimfical 
perfon complains of the ficklenefs of his acquain* 
tance, and conflantly accufcs them of fancy and 
caprice; and there never was an inftance of a 
pofitive untoward man, that did not continually 
rail at the perverfeoefs and obftin^cy of the reft 
of the world. A modem Buck damns you for a 
fallen fellow, if you refufe a pint bumper, and 
looks upon you as a fneaking fcoundrel, if you 
decline entering into any of his wild pranks, and 
do not chufe to lay all night in the roundhoufe. 
The untradable humpurift, while he difgufts all 
that are about him, conceives himfelf to be the 
perfon affronted, and laments that there is n^ 
harmony in the converfation^ though he is him- 

jielf the only one that plays out of tune. It is 
true, indeed, that " the eye fees not itfelf :** but 
when this blind partiality is carried fo far, as to 
induce us to believe (.hofe guilty of the folly, who 
make us fenfible of it, it is furely as abfurd aA 
to imagine, that the hair lip or carbun^Jed n^fe 
a man fees in the glafs, belongs to the iigurc jo 
the mirrour, and not to his own face, 


N*.75. TfcXONNOISSEUR, 35 
PfiRPECTtoK is no more to be expeded ki 

the minds of men than in their perfons : Natural 
dele£ls and irregubritips in both muft be over- 
looked and excofed. fiut then equal attention 
fbould be paid to both ; and we Ihould not be 
anxious to doath the peribn^ and at the fame 
time let ihe mind go naked. We fliottld be 
equally affiduous to obtain knowledge and virtue, 
as to put on lace and vdvet; smd when our 
minds are completely dccfled, we OiouU take 
care that Grood^^nature and complacency inllu* 
ence and dire<^ the whole; which will throw 
the fame grace over our virtues and good qua- 
lities, as fine cloaths receive from being cut ac- 
cording to the fafhidn. In order to acquire 
theft good qualities, we ftiould examine ourfelves 
impanttaliy, and not erc& our&lves mto judges, 
and treat afi the r^ of maddnd like criminals. 
Would it not be highly ridloilous in a perfon of 
quality to go to court in a rufF, a cloak, a pair 
of trunk b^fe^ ^nd iht habit worn in the days of 
Queen Elizabeth^ «Dd while he ftrutted about in < 
this antiquated garh^ to aecufe all the reft of tho^ 
world of being ouk of the £i(hioii.? « 

I CANNOT cpnclu(ik better than wkh a pafla^e- 
from Szvtft's Tale of a TuBy where the ftriSana- - 
^gy between the cloAthJng of the mind and the 
C 6 body; 


body is humouroufly pointed out.^ *^ Man 
•* (fays he) is a Miro-Coat. As to bis body 
*• there can be no doubt j but examine even the 
^< acquirements of his rnind^ you will find them 
^< all contribute in their prder towards furniihing 
** out an exaft drefs. To inftance no more j 
^' is not Religion a Cloak, Honefty a pair of 
^' Shoes worn out in the dirt, Self-Lcvi a fur- 
^ tout, Vamty a Shirt, and Cmfcienci a pair of 
^' Breeches, which, though, a cover for lewd- 
^^ ne(s as well as naftinefs, is eafily> flipt dowa 
^ /or the fervice of boA iS'* : 

Numb. LXXVI. Thurfday, July lo; 1755. 

Vomeris hue & falcis honos, hue omnb aoatrt. 
Ceffit amor: recoquunt patrios foenacihus enfes i. 
Ciaffica. jamque (bnant i it !bellb te&era fignum. 

Thefcythi negkSfeth^ and Jirgct the plougb^ 
Thi ruftk knits his poUtkioH brew : 
Mis granifvris ruftyjword he kngs- to Wiiid^ 
IVhile guns^ drums^ trumpets caU him to the fields 

THE Britljh Lion, who has for a long time 
pad been a paiHve couchant beaft, or at 
moft been beard to growl and grumble, now begini 
to roar again. His tremendous voice has rou&d 


N^76• 7^ CONNOISSEUR. 39 

the whole nattoi^ and the meaneft of the people 
breathe nothing but war and revenge. The 
encroachments of the French on our colonies 
are the general topic of converfation, and the 
popular cry now runs. New England for ever f 
Peace or war has been the fubje£l of bets at 
fP7}ite\ a3 well as the debates at the Robin 
Hooi'i and " a fleet roafting, new world's new 
drefs, the colonies in a rope, &c'' were, laft 
Sunday, the fubjeds of a prayer and ledure at 
the Oratory in Clare-Markets The theatres alfo, 
before they clofed the feafon, entertained ns withr 
ieveral warlike dramas : The Prefs-gang was 
exhibited at Covent-Garden \ and at Drury-Lani 
the fame fea, that rolled it's canvafs billows in 
pantomime' at the beginning of the feafon to 
carry Harlequin to China^ was again put jn 
motion to tranfport our failors to Nxirih- America. 
At prefent the flreets ring wkh the martial 
ftrains of our ballad'^fingers, who are endea* 
vouring, like Tyrtaus of old, to roufe their 
fellow countrymen to battle ; while all the polite 
world are hurrying to Port/mouth to fee mock*^ 
fights, and be regaled with pickled pork and fea>» 
bifcuit on board the Admiral 

This pofture of affairs has occafibned politics^ 

nrhich have been long negleded^ as (ludies ufelefs 

r and 

38 7fc CONNOISSEUR. ^\j6: 

and inopertinent, to become once more faAuon- 
able. Religioa and politics, though they nttu- 
vailf demand our conftaot attention^ are onljr 
cultivated in Engbmd by fits. Chriftianity deeps 
among ua, unlefs roufed by the apprehetifions of 
a plague, an earthquake, or a Jtw-BUl: and we 
are alarmed for a whije at the fudden news of an 
mvafion or a rebellion \ but, as foon as the da^n« 
ger is, over, i3^ Erjglijbfn0my like the (bldier r^x?- 
Yered Uovsx his fright occafioned by Qpeen il^'f 
drumming in his ear, *' fwears a prayer or two, 
*« and fleeps again." To preach up public ^rit, 
is at fofme feafons only blowing a dead coal ; but 
at others, an accidental blaft kindles the embers, 
and they mount into flame m an inftant. Th^ 
fcign of pcditicks fecms at prefent to be re-com-? 
mencing. Our news papers contain dark hiaU 
and (hrewd conjetSlwes faom the Hague^ Parii^ 
and Madrid ; and the lye of the day is artfuUjr 
contrived to influence the rife and fall of the 
liioney-barometer in Changt-AUr^ This is the 
prefent ftate of politico within the bills of morta- 
Kty ; of which I fliall now take no &rther notice, , 
but fubmit to. the peru£d of my readers the fol- 
lowing letter from my Coufin Village on the 
fame important fubje£t. 


N*.?^. TJtf CONNOISSEUR; 3^ 

9 Jufuyh I7SS- 

D^AR Cousin! 

WA R, though it has not laid our field* 
wafte or made our cities dcfolate, engrofles 
almoft all the attention of this place. Every 
farm houfe fwarms with politicians, who lay 
their wife heads together for the good of the 
nation i and at every petty chandler's fhopin 
town, . while the half quaJrterns of tea are weighed 
out, the balance of Europe is adjufted. Tlie 
jMieparations now making by fia and land are 
at popular fukjefls as the price of com or the 
Broad* Wiieel«A4^« Succefs tb our noble admi- 
rals, and a fpecdy War, are alfo as common 
toafts over a mug of ale as God fpeed the plough j 
or a good harveft: though it imift be owned,' 
that fome felfiib country fquires, who have not 
an equal flwre of public fpiritand love of their 
country with their felloW ruftics, are fomewhat 
apprehcnfive of the influence which a war may 
have upon the Land-tax. 

I AM at prefent. on a vifit to Sir Politic Hearty^ 
who is one of thofe country gentlemen, who 
fo much prefer the public welfare to their own 
private intereft, that they are more anxious 
about the affairs of the nation than the care 


40 7^ CONNOISSEUR. N*. 76. 

of their own eftates. Sir PoUtic is miferable 
three days in the we^k for want of intelligence ; 
but his fpirits revive at the found of the poft-horn, 
when the mail bringa him the London Evening 
Poji^ and a long letter of news from his nephew 
at the 7mpU. Thcfe Sir Politic himfelf reads 
after dinner to me, the curate of the parifh,. 
and the town- apothecary, whom he indulges with 
the run of his table for their deep infight into 
the proceedings of the government. He makes 
many (hrewd remarks on every paragraph, and 
frequently takes the opinion of the two Do£lors 
(for he honours both the curate and apothecary 
with that title) on the afterifks, dafhes, and 
italics. Nothing at firft puzzled the honeft 
baronet, and his privy council, fo much as the 
new, feat of war. They very well knew the 
fituation of Brujilsy Ghent j Antwerpy and other 
fcenes of adion in Flanders \ but Virginia^ the 
Qhio^ OfwegOy &c. (to ufe a common phrafe) 
were quite out of their latitude. But this dif- 
ficulty is at length furmounted by the Templar's 
having tranfmitted to his uncle one of D'Jnville^s 
maps ;. by the help of which the baronet fome- 
times delineates the progrefs of the French up the . 
Ohioy in meanders of port winding along the 
table, and fometimes demolilhes the forts lately . 
raifcd by the enemy in different parts of out 


N\76. 7»^ CONNOISSEUR. 41 

colonies* At prefent writing I am biit juft with- 
drawn from the taking of Cr&um Pointy rcpre- 
fented by a cork, and ftormed by Sir PeJltic at 
the head of an^army of cherry-flones. 

Sir Politie has, indeed, ftudied Monjkur 
D^Anvilk thoroughly : He has alio been very 
much taken up of late with the perufal of the 
Hiftory of the Six Nations : fo that he has fcarct 
one idea in his head, that does not bear fome 
retatbn to the Wift-Iniiit. We had fome boiled 
beef the other day for dinner, when the good 
kni^t obferved, that he ibould be glad to par- 
take of a bnttdck, boiled in the War-iettiri and 
he had no (boner Kghted hfs pipe, than the firft 
puff* of the tobacco threw him into fome reflexions 
on the danger of Virgima. ** By the bye, 
** (faid the baronet,) I am a great admirer of 
^* the In£an oratory; and I dare fay old Heniiici 
^ the Sachem wouM haVe made a good figure 
" ia the Houfe of Commons. There is fome- 
** thing very elegant in the Covenant-Bihi but 
** pray what a pox are thofe damned Strings. 
** of IVampumf I cannot find any accouift of 
" them in Chamhen\ DiSfionary.'* He then 
entered into a diflertation on the War^boop*^ 
and turning to the apothecary, *' Dodor, faid 
he, what do you think of Scalping?'* The 


4% nr CONNOISSEUR. N*,76. 
Dodor i€plied> that; for hi$ part he imagined it 
to be' fomewhat in the naliure of an J^i^m/Hc 
9t Blifter. << Ay, (&id the other revevenA 
*< Dodor, ibaking bis head,) it ia a very bar- 
«< barous cuftom indeed : though it is no wonder, 
*• fincc they have only had a few j^/mts ansOTg 
<< them; fo that they have very little notion 
«* of Cbrlftianity:' 

War never f^ils of producing groundlefa and 
contradictory reports : and if Fame is a lying; 
jade in town, flie is tl^e i^ileft goffip that evev 
ijpoke^ in the country. We have gained ieveraj^ 
vi£kories in Virginia^ and taken Several forts^ 
but loft them all back again the next pofl. h% 
9ne time we burnt, funk, took, and defin^ec^ 
the whole Freruh fleet, though it had not ftirre4 
put of Btift harbour ; and but laft week we ihofc 
'off poor Bofcawen's legs, and made him iighfey 
like J^ttberin^ton^ on his ftumps j 'till a Ictjer 
from Sjir Politicks nephew confuted tiiis repqrty 
^d fet the Admir^ qvl hi|9 legs agaix^ 

1 am, dear Coufin, yours, &c. 



N*. 77- 73^ CONNOISSEUR.' 43 

Numb. LXXVII. ThurJUayj July 17 j 1755. . 

Cam pulchris tunicis iiimet nova eonfilia et fpeSv 


' Tyifdom withp£riwt£S^ with cajfocht graci% 

I Courage withjwofdsf gentUlty mth kiC0K . \ 

To Mr. TOfFK 

I Read yoat late paper, fliewUsg the clo(e 
analogy, wbidh ' cloathing the body bears to' 
a^dorning the mind ; and am thoroughly perfua- 
dcd, that the genieralky of mankind would be as 
glad to eAibellUh their minds as to fet olF their 
perfbns, if they could procure knowledge, virtue,' 
and good- nature,^ with the fapie eaie that they 
can furnifii themfelves with the ornament$ 
cf the body. The clown in rug or dofFel 
can, at a moment's warning, be fumifhed 
with a compleat fuit of lace or embroidery* from 
Mortmouth' Street , his long lank greafy hair may 
be exchanged iti MiMe-Row for a'fmart bag or a 
jemmy fcratdh;^' and his clouted fcoes with the 
rough hobnails in the heel and fole dumping at 


44 7*^ CONNOISSEUR. VlKjy^ 

every ftep, may be transformed into a pair of 
daflcirig pumps at the Torkjhlre Warehoufe, or 
the'Oi/ Cfifpin in Cranhurn- Alleys The draggled 
ftreet- walker can rig herfelf with a dean fmock, 
a Ijnnen gowt>, and an bat fmairtly cocked up be* 
hind and before, in Broad St. Gileses ; or if fhe 
can afford it, every pawn-broker will let out a 
gold wsftch wfdi coronets, a tilTuc or brocaded 
fack^ andall the paraphemaSa of a countefs. But 
where, Mr. Town, canthcfe people go to cloatb 
their minds, €r at what (hops are retailed fenfe 
and vircue ? Honour and honefty are not to be 
purchafed in Monmouth-Jireet ; knowledge is not 
infvfed into the bead through the powder^ puff; 
and> as good wine needs no bufh, fenfe is not 
derived from the full-bottomed periwig. The wo- 
man of the town, vamped up for ihew with paint, 
patches, plumpers, and every external ornament 
that art can adminifter, knows no method to 
beautify her mind. She cannot for any price buy 
chaftity in Bread Su Giles's^ or hire honefty from 
the pawn-broker's, j 

Seeing, therefore, at one view the difficulty 
in obtaining the accomplishments of the mind, 
and the exaA analogy they bear to drefs, I have 
1?een , labouring this week paft to remedy that 
inconvenience, and have at length devifed a 


N^77- 7i/ CONNOISSEUR. 45 
fchemc, which wiH fully anfwer that pyrpofc. 
In a word then, I (ball next winter open a ihop 
or warehoufe in the moft public pan of the towo^ 
under the name of a Mind-and-Body»Clo- 
thier: two trades which, though never yet uni- 
ted, are fo far from being incompatible, that they 
are in their nature infeparable. I {half not only 
fupply my friends with a fuit or a fingle virtue, 
but Airnifli them with complete habits of mind 
and body from head to foot: and by a certain 
fecret art in the form and texture of the things fold> 
the required virtues (hall be as inherent in them, 
as the materials of which they are compo/ed. 
That fuch virtues may be transfufed by cloaths is 
evident from experience. In the narrow extent 
of my reading, Mr. Town, I remember to have 
met with an account of Fortunatm\ Wi(hing-Cap, 
by which he Could tranfport himfelf in an inftant 
from one place to another: It is alfo well known, 
that the famous ^ack the Giant-killer poflTelled a 
Sword of Sharpnefs, Shoes of Swiftnefs, dnd ^ 
Coat of Invifibility. Why then may not I fell 
a furtout of patriotifm, or a fword of honour, 
and retail modefty and chaftity to fine ladies ia 
tuckers ^d aprons? 

No one, who duly confiders the natural influ- 
ence, which cloaths commonly have upon theur 


46 7;5# CONNOISSEUR. H^jj. 

wearers, will 6bjc& to mjr fcheme as uttedy ia- 
' pradicable. That a perfon can put on or throw 
ofF the internal habits of his mind together with 
his coat or his periwig, is plain in very nume- 
rous inftances. The young counfellor, who every 
* morning in term-time takes the mcafure of Pfyi- 
mtn/ier-HaU with the importance of a jugde upon 
the circuit, at once divcfts himilelf of his gravity 
with the ftarched band and, long robe, and re- 
fumes the fpifit of a Buck together with theTword 
iancj bag-vig. In the fame manner the orthodox 
'vicar once a week wraps hknfelf up in piety and 
virtue with his canonicals ^ which qualifies are as 
cafjy caft off again as his furplice ; and for the 
reft of the week he wears the drefs as well as the 
manners of his fox-hunting patron. We may 
learn the difpofition of a man by his apjpar^l, as 
yft, know the trade o/ ac^rpeater by hisJeathern 
apron, or a foldier -by his red coat. . When we 
fee a ihuff-coloured fuit of ditt9 with bolus butr 
ioni., a metal-headed cane, and an enormous 
bufby grizzle, we as rewlily know the wearer to 
be a difpenfer of life and death, as if we had 
feen hipi pounding a inortar or b^-andifl^ing a 
clyfter-pipe. The different affe<2ions .^f the 
mind have been diftinguifhcd by different colours; 
as. fcj\rlet has been made to reprefent valour, 
yellow to denote jealoufy, and true blue to fig- 


N^77• ^^ CONT^OISSEUR. 47 

nify integrity. Thus we may likewUe difcover 
ail the virtues and vices lurking in the difiereitt 
pwts of the apparel. When at a city feaft. 
I (ce the gue(h tucking their napkins into 
their &irt-»ooUarfi, as if they were all of them 
going to be fliaved, I very well know that their 
thoughtr^wear a different drefe than in the Alley \ 
atid wheh t!be antiquated toaft is laying on her 
Ciomplexioa at. the toilet, and repairing the 
ruins of beauty, what is flie doing but patohing 
her mind with pride ^nd conceit ? In a word, I 
CM diTcoMcr^ inskpudence ftatring friom the bold 
C9ck of a* Kevenhulkry.pstx&on^^y ikdking in ar 
darned {locking, coquetry fpread out in an hoopn 
petticoat, and fqppery dangling from a Oibqlder-i 
knot. I often pleafe myfelf with thus remarking 
the various drefi^s of th^e mind;; and by the cluct 
y.ou have already given us, I have beon able tO( 
unfold the inmoft linings of the hearts ^ dif- 
cover " the very fluff of the tboughi^, 

' It ittttft, however, be owned, that in thefe 
matters the niceft penetration may be impofed 
on 5 fince, in the prefcnt random 'method of 
dreffing, many perfons appear in mafqtierade;^ 
This inconvenience, among others^ will be reme- 
died by my prcjeSt; for, as whoever deals with 
me will at once cloath* his mind and his body, 


48 rhi CONNOISSEUR. N\77. 
the whole town will be drelKd in charader. 
Thus if a chimney-fwcepcr or a plough-boy put 
on a fuit of embroidery, a fword, bag-wig, &ۥ 
they will at the fame time inveft themfelves with 
the internal dignity of a perfon of quality : my 
lady's youngeft fon may buy courage with his 
regimentals, and orthodoxy may be purdhafed at 
the fame time with a gown and caiTock by the 
young fmarts from the univerficies. My fcheme 
alfo further recommends itfelf, by laying open the 
only path to virtue and knowledge, that the 
world will chufe to follow 5 for, ^s my cloatha 
will always be cut according to the neweft and 
moft ekgant manner, thefc qualifications of the 
mind, inherent in them, muft neceffarily come 
into fafhion. Thus our fine gentlemen will 
learn morality under their valet de chambre ; and 
a young lady of fafhion will acquire new ac- 
compli&ments with every new ribband, and' 
become virtuous as well as beautiful at her toi- 
lette, I depend on your readinefs to promote my 
fcheme : but what I moft earneftly intreat of you, 
Mr. Town, is to ufe your utmoft intercft with : 
the polite world, but efpecially with the ladies, 
not to difcard cbaths entirely ; as by fuch a refo- 
lution my fcheme muft be defeated j and, indeed, 
it will not be in the power of man to give them 
virtue, if they determine to go naked, i 


N^77- y^^ CONNOISSEUR. 49 

A s knowledge and virtue can heter be fuffi* 
dently diffttfed, n^y warehoufe will be calcu« 
ktcd for general ufe, and flored with large aflbrt- 
ments of all kinds of virtues and drefles, diat I 
may fuit perfons of . whatever denomination. 
Phyficians may be furniflied from, my fliop with 
gravity and learning in the tyes of a periwig ; 
ferjeants at law may. be fitted with a competent 
knowledge of reports under a ^oif ; and young 
counfeIIor3 may be ehdued with a fufficient fund 
of eloquence for the ctrcMit^) in a fmart tye bcr 
tween a bob and a flow, contrived to cover a 
toupee. I fhall fell reh'gion to couiMry parfon& 
in pudding-fieeves, and to young town curates 
juft come from the univerfuy, in doctors fcarfs 
and full grizzles : I fliall have fome pious ejacu* 
lations, whioings and groans, . ready cut out in 
leathern aprons and blue frocks, for the preach- 
ing fraternity of carpenters, bricklayers, tallow- 
chandlers, and butchers, at the Tabernacle and 
Foundery in Moorfields. For our military gen-r 
tlemen defigned to go abroad, I fhall have fc e- 
ral parcels of true Brltljh courage, woven in a 
variety of cockades and fword* knots ; and for our 
fine gentlemen, who ftay at home, I have pro- 
vided a proper quantity of French Bagatelle^ in cut 
velvet, lace and embroidery, neat as imported. 

Vol. III. D V As 

50 nrCONKOISSEUR. li\7f, 

A3 die bMJiei, I ttppokf wilt idl ef dketti^ to 
ft woman, be definff» of puittafing b«Mt^ wfib 
every branch of the Cnnsde apperet, I am $itrtid 1 
iiall dot be able to anfiMT *e)r AfOAiidt; but I 
fliaU hare fevend dreflb, whkrli will Mike ^ 
Im: die want of it. I fhatl kave ndWHtfrrfMesp 
in a gieat variety of fdain: Ibttuw^ deMiu;)!' and 
difcrcdoA in feveral potttvnar for fliobg, hoofed 
and night-gowns i tegttfcar widi^ flioMty dH^oMI 
iiio tudcers, kerchieft for die nodr^ fttye ffcuf 
dmoft meet the chin, and pettieeat^ tSm loech 
Ac ground. I {halt alfo hate a ftnatt pdrtibn- d^ 
<Adbt3r knil into gmtn^ zAi twfffi^ intc^ hiM^ 
hr the iBty^ very proper to» be w&m U mai^u^ 
nides and affimMiea. 

1 haCi almoff fdrg6C to m^ntfon, tb^r aftthors^ 
who are often in equal wsint of (ink amf cloitbs,. 
(ball be fitted out by the vrith bo^' ^t o^ce on 
very feafonabic rates. Atf f6r yourfcff, 1M^ Tow n,, 
I (hall beg leave to pfefcnt you vi^ith *i entire 
iuit of fuperitne wit and humour,, warranted to 
wear wetl, slnd appear creditable, and in wlhich 
no author w6uM be a(hained to b^ feeli. 

I am, Sif, your homM^ fir^rHtiti 
W £uTRAP£|.us Trim. 

N». yS. ?»r CONNOISSEUR. $1 

I - - ■ ... 

No MS. Lxxvm. nwjaayt 7*^24. »75S- 

iEtadf c^t^a ncMtldi fttnt tibi tnones. Hoit. 

What foibles wait on life through eifrjfiage! 
" Our youth a wildfire^ and afroft our age! 

to Mc. T o tr N. 


NOTHING is more neccflary^ la order to' 
wear offzny particularities in oar beba^yiour, 
or to root out any perverfenels in our ^inioM^ 
than mixing with perfons of ages and occupatioiis 
different from our own. Whofoever confinen 
himfelf entirely to the ibciety of thoTe who are 
enga^d in the iame perfuits^ and wbo6 thougbt9 
naturally take the fame turn widi hift owa, 
acquires a certain ftiffnefs and pedantry of beha- 
viour, which is fure to make him di&greeable^ 
except in one particular fet of company. Inftead 
of cramping the mind by keeping it within fo 
narrow a circle^ we fhould endeavour to enlarge 
it by every Worthy notion ^ni accompjj&mcnt > 
and temper each qualification with it's oppofue > 
as th6 four elements are compounded in our na^ 
tural ^ame. 

D 2 Thjb 

5X 7«f CONNOISSEUR. N-. ;?. 

The ncccffity of this free converfation, to 
open and improve the mind, is evident from the 
confcquences, which always follow a neglcft of 
it. The employment each man is engaged in, 
wholly engroflcs his attention, and tinges the 
mind with a peculiar die, which (hews itfelf in 
all the operations of it, unlefs prevented by natu- 
ral good fenfc or a liberal education. The phy- 
fician, the lawyer, and the tradefman will appear 
in company, though none of thofe occupations 
are the (xihjcSt of difcourfe j and the clergyman 
will, grow morofe and fevere, who feldom or 
never converfes with the laity. If no particular 
profeifion claims this influence over us, fome dar- 
ling paffion or amufement gives a colour to our 
thoughts and a£Hons, and makes us odious or 
at leaft ridiculous. Fine ladies for inftance, by 
defpifing the eonverfation of fenfible men, can 
talk of nothing but routs, balls, aflemblies, birth- 
day fu its, and intrigues ; and fine gentlemen, for 
the fame reafon, of almoft nothing at all. In 
like manner the furious partizan, who has not 
been weaned from a mad attachment to parti- 
cular principles, is weak enough to imagine every 
man of a different way of thinking a fool and a 
fcoundrel ; and the feflary or zealot devotes to 
eternal damnation all thofe, who will not go to 
heaven in the fame road with himfelf, under the 


N^7»• Th^ CONNOISSEUR, 53 

guidance ol Whitefield^ IVeJlej^ or Count Zlnzen- 
dorff. To the fame caufe we owe the rough' 
country fquire, whofe ideas are wholly bent on 
guns, dogs, horfes, and game ; and who has 
every tbmg about him of a piece with his dlver- 
fions. His hall muft be adorned with flags heads, 
inftead of bufts and ftatuesj and in thexoom of 
family pidures, you will fee prrnts of the mofl 
famous ftallions and race-horfes : all his doors 
open and {hut with foxes feet; and even the 
buttons of his cloatbs are imprefled with the 
figures of dogs, foxes, flags, and horfes. To 
this abfurd praftice of cultivating only one kx. 
of ideas, and {hutting ourfelves out from any 
mtcrcourfe with the reft of the world, is owing 
that narrownefs of mind, which has infe£t'ed the 
converfation of the polite world with infipidity, 
made rbughncfs and brutality the charadtcriftics 
of a mere countrj' gentleman, and produced the 
inoft fatal confequences in politics and religion. 

But if this commerce with the generality of 
mankind is lo neceflary to remove any impref- 
fions, which we may ^ be liable to receive from 
any particular employment or darling amufement^ 
what precautions ought to be ufed, in order to 
remedy the inconveniencies naturally incident 
to the different ages of life f It is not certain, 
D 3 that 

54 TlrCONNOlSSEUJl. N-.78. 
that a (xrfon will bte cng«gpd in 9nj pro&itoo* 
^ given up to any peculiar kind of plci^fnre ; htK 
the tnind Qf cycry man 15 fobjcfifc to the inclinji'' 
tiopt arifin^ from the kv^x^l ftag^ of his exjftcnce^ 
as well a$ bis body to chronical diftempers* This 
indeed, Mr. Town, is the principal caufc 4rf 
my writting to you : for it has often given mo 
great concern to fee the prei^iU divifiw betwem 
the young and the old -, to obferv^ f^rly mm 
forming themfelves into dubs and AKsietief , thai 
thf y may b« mor^ fecurely (eparated fnwn yotitb 1 
and to fee young men running into diffipation an4 
debauchery, rather than afibciate with age* If 
each party would labour to conform to tbeofliert 
from fiich a coalition fpany advantage WQuU fhc* 
crue to both* Our youth would be to^ru^ed 
by the experience of age, and loo(e mwb of that 
tevfty, which they retain too long \ while at the 
fame time the wriokled brow of the aged wouid 
be fmoothed by the fprigbtly chearfnlncfe of yoothj 
by which they might fupply the want of fpirits, 
forget the lofs of old friends, and bear with /^fe 
an their wordly misfortunes. It is remarkable, 
that thofe young men are the moft worthy and 
fenfible, who have kept up any intercourfe with 
the old ; and that thofe old rneii are of the moft 
chearful and amiable difpofition, who have not 
been afliamed to coriverfe with the you^g. 


N^7«. y*# CONNOISSEUR. 55 

I wiiL iiot prttQnd to decide vbicb paitf 
i$ iBoft blwoeahle in nesgfe^ting this oeceflarf 
comnerce witb each others w^cb, if properljr 
jnunaged, WQu)d be at pnce 6> beneficial aod 
delightful ; but it undoubtedly arifes from • cer- 
tain felfifhncfs and obdinacy in both» which will 
ffigti (aScf tbem to msike a mutual aUowance for 
the natural di&reuce of their diipofitions. Their 
iodioatiooj are, indeed, as djfierent a; tbeir je^^s 1 
yet each exv$&» the odher to comply, though 
wither will make any advancet. How ranely do 
we fee the leaft di^ree of ibcicty preferved between 
a father and a (on ! a ibocking j:efle£^ion, when 
. we CQofider that nature has endeavoured to unite 
^m hy parenud aff^t^ion on one ilde, and filial 
gratitude on the other. Yet a &ther and fan as 
/eldom Kve tpgetber with any tolerable harmony, 
as an hM(band and wife ; and chie% for the fame 
realbn; for though they are both joined mider 
the fame yoke, yet they aie each tugging differ- 
ent way* A father might as well exped bis fen 
to be as gputy and infirm ^ himfclff as to hav^ 
ibe difppfuiop which he has cgtntra^d from age ; 
and a ton might as reasonably defire the vigour 
. and vivacity of iive aod twenty, as bis own love 
of gaiety and di vetiions, in bis &tbfir. It is there*- 
fore evident, that a mutual endeavour to conform 
to each oijher U ablbUtcJy requifite to keep toge- 
D 4 ther 


56 y»/ CONNOISSEUR. N*. 7?. 

thcr the cement of natural affeaion, which an 
untraftablc ftubborncft, fo frequently diffolves.'; 
or at leaft. If it does not difturb the affcdUon, 
it conftantly deftroys the fociety between father 
and fon. 

This unhaprpy and unnatural divifion is often 
the fubjcQ of complaint in perfons of both ages^ 
but is ftill unremedied, becaufe neither reflcft on 
the caufe whence it proceeds. Old men are per- 
petually commenting on the extreme levity of the 
times, and blaming the young, becaufe they do not 
admire and court their company : which, indeed^ 
is no wonder, fmce they generally treat their 
youthful com"panions as mere children, and cx- 
pcA fuch a flaviih deference to their years, as 
deflroys that equality by which chearfulnefs and 
fociety fubfifts. Young men do not like to be 
chid by a proverb, or reproved by a wrinkle : but 
though they do not chufe to be correSed by their 
grave feniors like fchool -boys, they would be 
proud to confult them as friends : which the inju-* 
dicious fevcrity of old age feldom will permit, 
not deigning to indulge them with fo great a de- 
gree of freedom and familiarity. Youth, on the 
other hand, fliun the company of age, complain* 
ing of the fmall regSird and refped paid to them, 
though they often aS with fd little referve and 


NV78. 73^^ CONNOISSEUR. 57 

iiich unbecoming confidence, as not to deferve it. 
Suppofe the old were pleafed with the natural flow 
of fpirits and lively converfation of youth, ftill 
fome refped may be challenged as due to them ; 
nor (hould the decency and fobriety of their cha* 
raders ever be infulted by any. imj^oper oc^inifi^ 
jQodeft conver£itioa*. 

1 AU an ofd' man, myftlfj Mr. Town, anf 
I have aa. only boy*, whofe behaviour to me iff 
unexceptionable: permit me, therefore, to dwell 
a moment longer on my favourite fubjeQ, and I 
will conclude.. With- what harmony might all 
parents and children live together, if the father 
would ftrive to foften the rigour of age, and 
remember that his fon muft naturally poflefs thofe 
qualities, which ever accompany youth; and if 
the fon would in return endeavour to fuit him- 
felf to thofe infirmities, which his father received 
from old age ! If they would reciprocally iludy to 
be agreeable to each other, the faHier wduld idfen- 
flbly fubftitute affedtion in the room of authority,, 
and lofe the churlifli feverity and peevifiinets 
incident to his years : while the Ibn^ would ttrrb- 
die unbecoming impetuofify of his youth^i cHang^e 
his reluflance to obey 'into a cotiftant^^atitetitioit 
to plleafe, and remit^nuch of his extreme gaietjf 
in confbrimty to -fhe gratity of his^ fatbepi 
.D 5 Wherever 

S9 73» CONNOISSEUR. K\j^. 

WiMrever fuch t tarn of mind is encouraged, 
thoe nuift be bappioefs and agrceiAlc ibciccj : 
and the contrary qualities of youdi and age, thua 
blended, compote the furtft cement of affirdbn ; 
as colours of the moft-oppofite tints, by a fkiifui 
mixture, each giving apd receiving certain fliader, 
will form a pifiure, the moft heightened and 
exquifite in it's colouring. 

I ain> Sir, your moft bumble (ervant» 

John Bbtil, 

Numb. LXXIX. 7Tmr/Hay, Jufy 31, 1755. 

■ Ill m ■! ip n i mnn ii M ■liiiwri iiii ■■ ■ " m i l |i ■ 

— ' ■■ > O te, BoHane, cerebri 
Felicem ! aiebam tacitus, dum quidiibet ille 
Garriret, vicos, tnrbem hudaret. — HoR« 

Silent JJaidy hafp!i/l budofCii^ 
jyUb hrmn tmcumhn^d^ andibi Mlrfmt! 
Pr9mftrut U firm Jiill rpmhling up andskwn^ 
WhiU 4iU bi$ talk wasJiiU ^ London TWmv* 

Peah Cousin, 

IHavx been very mucb diverted with your 
obfervations on the honeft tradefiaen, who 
make weekly excurfiona into the villages al^oiit 
town ; and I agree with you^ diat the generality 


.N^74- ^CONNOISSEUR. 59 
of ymx cidzens fiilciom dart tinft themfe] ves out of 
die fight (tf LcmbM fmoke, cnr extend their travels 
further than with thek wivts and children in the 
WuHdfwvrA douUe poft-chtHe, or the Hampton 
kmg coadi^ Btftinw may now and then pick up 
a ftmjr citizen, whom btifindf had dragged be- 
yond die biUi of moFti^ty, as it happened to my* 
fijf t^ other day, about forty miles from London: 
and as I was tnighttly pleafed with his behaviour 
and oonverfation, I have taken the liberty to fend 
you an aocouiit of it* 

Biiivo caught in a ihower upon the road, 
I was g^ad to take (helter at the fiftt inn I came 
to ; which,, if it had not been called the New < 
Ikn, I OiouM have thought, from it's antique 
uppearance, had been an houfe of entertainment 
in the time ^ otrr great grandfathers. 1 had 
fcarctt alighted, when* a strange figure, (driven 
tfaitber as I fuppofed, on the iame account with 
myfelfi) cjttue fobetly jogging into the yard^ 
dripping wet. As^ he waited for the fteps before 
he would venture to get off his horfe, I had the 
cppoTtMjn'iiy of ftirveying hfs wliole appearance. 
He was wrapped up in on old thread-bare weather*- 
%C9aten -furtcmt, which I bdreve had once bceh. 
fcarkt ; 4he cape was pulled over his head, afid« 
Jbuetoaed op ck>fe round his face y and his hat 
D d was« 

6o 7a# CONNOISSEUR. 1^.79. 

wa» flapped down on each {kic, and faficned 
about his ears with a lift garter, tied under bis 
chin. He wore upon his legs fomething that 
refembled fpatterda(hers, which (as I afterwards 
learned) were cut out of an old pair of boots; 
but his right (hoe was conftderably larger than 
the other^ and, had feveral flits in the upper 
. leather. He had fpurs on, indeed, but without 
rowels ; and by way of whip, a worm-eaten cane, 
with a bone head ftudded witl> brafs pins, hui^ 
from his wrift by a ftring of greafy black leather* 

I SOON found I was Nobody ; for the Gen- 
tleman, it feems, took up the whole attenUqA 
of the maid, miftrefs, and hoftler, who all of them 
got round him, and with much difficulty, by the 
affiftance of thefteps, helped him down. My 
landlady,, before it was poflihle for her to fee any 
part of him but his nofe; told him . <* he looked 
: *^ brave and jolly ^" and when (he had led him 
into the kitchen, ihe fetched a large giafs of what 
flie called '* her own water^" whiQh (flbe feid) 
would drive the cold out of his fiomach. All 
hands were now bufied in drawing off his dirtout. 
which difcovered underneath, a full trimmed white 
coat, and a black velvet waiftcoat with a. broad 
gold lace very much tarni(hed. The-.furtoitt 
was hung to dry by the fire as VftH as his coat, 


N^.79- 7J^ CONNOISSEUR* 6i 
the place of which was fuppticd by a long riding^ 
hood of my landlady ; and as the gentleman com- 
plained of having fu!&red by lofs of leathei^ the 
maid was difpatched to the dolor's for fome 
diachylon. The ufual queftion now fucceededj^ 
concerning dinner; and as he obferved I was 
all alone, he very courteoufly aflccd me tojoia 
company^ which I as readily agreed to. 

The important buftnefs of dinner being fettled-, 
we adjourned into a private roqn), when my fel« 
low-gueft told me of bis own mere a^^and mo- 
tion, that he lived in London \ that for thefe 
twenty year^ he had i always come to the town wc 
were now in, once a year, to receive moneys 
and take orders for goods y and that he had always 
puC up at this houfe. He then run on in the 
praifes of the landkdy j and tiffing me a wink, 
'* Ay, fays he^ ibe has been a clever woman in 
*' her ti0i?,be%eflie bore children," He added, 
that for his part he did not like pur great. inns; 
for that they never looked upon any thing undev 
a coach and fix. He further informed mie, th^t 
he was married to his prefent wife in the^rft 
mayoralty oi Alderman Pmrfms^ and m the very 
waiftooat be had oni: ^^ Bc^ (kys he, I now weaii; 
!* it oriy xui .ai jbuu^ $ : becaufe, you know, a 
^< bit of \2ix:p Qommaads xttpedi i^xnai the road/' 
^ : Oa 

61 78^ CONNOISSEUR. K^. 7^. 

Go ^iiirfiig about his fkmiljt 1 feimd he had 
thwe hojt I one of whom was hound prembe t6 
himfietf ; 'the other wat feot to fea, hecaufe he 
was. a %f ild one ; and the youngcA he deligned 
to make a parToni hecaufe he vrat grave, and 
hk play-fdlows at P^W/s fchool ufed to call 
hijn fiifiiop. 

All this while he had fat in my landlady's 
riding^hoodt with a lianen night*cap on his head 
tied 00 the top with a piece of black ribfaao^, 
which (he toU me) he ahrays lode in, hecaufe it 
was coder than a wig. But the Ikddk-bags were 
now ordered in ; and out of ons of them he dwm 
a large flowmg grizzle carefully buckled, which - 
hecoaibed out hhnfelf, borrowing famt flour from 
the kitchen drudger* His fpattendafliert wene 
pext taken off, and hb (hbea wiped with a wH^ 
of hajr ; when being afliired by th(e badiady ber-^ 
letf, ^t his, coat was dry enos^h to pot 00^ he 
completely o^'pped himfeK, in order to wmt 
onfeveral tradefinen, with whom he had dealhigs^ 
a&er dsoner* As thit was not cpote ready, we 
tii>ok a walk to the ftahlesito fee his mare : and 
tfxxigh the bei^(feeined as lean andhariaieft as 
S£iubo^s aft,, he afllired mt he had mach «d6 ta. 
ride her, ihe w^ iofriflgv ^ for Ale had not 
«« run 'm the ^aife fhafe two Sundays paft.'!: . • ' 


N^ 79- ^^ CONNOISSIUR. 43 

Being Aimmonedl to (Unner, we ht down to 

a repaft of mutton chops and flieops hearts, 

which tail he declared to be the v^ioUbmeft 

eating in the world. He objeded to wine, be* 

caufe there was not a drop good for any thing 

to be got tipon the road ; but he vntAj rccont- 

mendcd by landlady's home-brew'd, which he 

affirmed to be becier than Ho^dm ale, or the 

thatch beer at IJUngtm. Otir meal bebig ended, 

myxxnnpanion took hb pipe ; and we laid our 

heads together for the good of the nation, when 

we mauled the French terribly both by land and 

fea. At laft} among other talk, h^ happened to 

aflc me, if I lived in the City ? As I was dcfurous 

of hearing his remarks, I anfwered, that I had 

never feen London. ** Never fccn it ? (fays he) 

** Then you hare never feen one of the fincft fights 

** in the whole world. Paris is but a dog-hole 

" to it." There luckily hung a large Map of 

London over the dumney-piece, which he imme* 

diately made vat get from my chair to look at; 

** There, fays he, there's London, for you.-^You 

** fee it b bigger than the Map of all England.^ 

Ifc then led me about, with the end of his 

pipe, through sdl the principal ftreets from f^uSf' 

Pttrk to miu-Oiapil.^^ That, feys he, it the 

*< ^iftxl!bames^-^T}itrfi*sLondonBnA^ — ^There 

** my liOfd Mayor Ih^cs— That's Poub*9-*-^ 

" There 

64 73# CONNOISSEUR. No. 79. 

^< 'Tliere tke Mommunt ftands : And now, if you 
^^ was but on the top of it, you might fee all the 
*< houfes and churches in London** I exprefied 
my ailoniihment at every particular : but I couM 
hardly refrain laughing, when pointing out to me 
Lincoln* s bm Fulds — " There,, faid he, thew all 
. ^* the noblemen live." At laft, after having tranf- 
ported me all over the town, he fet me down in 
Chiopfidi^ << which (he &id) wasthebiggeft ftreet 
♦* in the City."—" And now, fays he. Til (hew 

,«* you where I live. ** That's Row Church — 

** and thereabouts — where my pipe is — there — 
'* juft there my (hop ftands." He concluded with 
a kind invitation to me to come and fee him ; and 
pulling out a book of patterns from his coat 
pockety aflured me, that if I wanted any thing 
in his way, he could a&rd to let me have .a 

• I PROAnsED to call upon him ; and the wea- 
ther now clearing up, after fettling the ballance 
of our reckoning with the landlady, we took 
leave of each other : but juft as I had mounted 
my horfe, and was going to fet forward, my new 
acquaintance came up to me, and (baking me 
by the hand. — ** Hearke, (ays he, if you will be 
** in town by the twenty-fifth of this inftant Julj^ 
. « I will introduce you to the Cockne/s Fiaft\ 

** where. 

N*. ?o. 7J^ CONNOISSEUR. 65 
«« where, I affure you, you'll be mighty merry, 
«* and hear a great many good fongs." 

T I am, dear Coufin, yours, &c. 

Nu M B. LXXX. fjirt5%, Augiffi 7, 175$. 

Nulta viri cura intere^, nee mentk> fiet 
Damnorum. — ^- — — Jov. 

What though ^Jpoufi be rmiCd^ wherii ihefia^ 
By madanCs friends^ fi dior^ fi near akin f 

To Mr. T O If^ K. 
S I R> 

IF poligamy was allowed, in this country, I 
am fure I might maintsdh a feraglio of wives 
at lefs expence, than I have brought upon myfclf 
by marrying one woman. One did I fay .^ Alas I 
I find it to my coft, that a wife, like a polypus, 
has the power of dividing and multiplyingherf^lf 
into as many bodies as fl^e pleafes. You niuft 
know, Mr. Town, I took a wopian of fmill 
fortune, and made her my, own flefhand blood : 
but I never thought that all her relations wcmM 
likewife faften on me with* as little ceremony as 
a colony of fleas* I had fcarce brought her 
Tiomie, before I was obliged to marry her mother ; 
then I was prevailed upon to marry her two 


Biaideo fifters; after that I marrkil ho: auotsi 
then her coufio^-^In ihort* I am now married 
to the whole generatipn of them. I do not exag- 
gerate matters, when I fay that I am married to 
tbtmall: for tiMy-ckiai at HHieh i4ghtto«¥«ry 
thiag diat ie mine, as the perfon whom the 
world calls my wife. They eat, drink, and fleep 

with mt.: cv«ry xoom m tfc<i jKnifc it ,4i;»rteir 
9Qfafnand, fxcept any hed^hambftr ; ibey bor- 
row money of me : -* and fince I have the whole 
family quartered -ufMiln me^-wfatt fi^nifies which 
of them takes upon her my iiamej--iny vnky 
her After, p^ bcr tweolieth coufm ? 

O Mr. Town ! I never fit down to tSible with- 
out ihc^lamentaUe profpeft of ftieing; as much Vic- 
tuals conftimcd, as wouW dine a whole veftiy. 
60 man^^ "mdurtis conftantly going at my ex- 
pence !-^And then there \s fuch a variety of 
provisoes \ for coufin Biaely likes one difh ; my 
aunt Rachel h fond of another ; fifter Moify can- 
not aMde this ; and mother could never touch 
that:— though Ifind they arc all of them una- 
nimous iti liking thcbeft of every thing in feafon. 
Befides, I could entertain a fct of jolly topers at 
a left tatCj than it cofts me in light wines for the 
womem One of them driiiks nothing but Lifloni 
wth another nothing goes down but Rhentfh and 

N».8e^ ne CONMOI86EUIL 6y 

Spai » MrA im!A^w^ me ah Qcr^ pf Sr^ 
jiS^ with M liftk r^iQQrfe «s (he would lb 
fi^Qcb ii»9tU bmr: my ^kfeft aunt Bket « gb6 
>pf dry Momtoh$ % whik ti»e other tidnka oodung 
hd^ dfgeftipo ib w4) «b Mfdnra^ It was btic 
fail wfek, tb»t my wi£» cvprcuflrd « dcfimr cf 
^ing (boie Gir^* wh^ tnipsedxatdy «B my 
gpod-na^^ reln^ow iMd « HMgbfy km^ing ior 
](: but wiib mucb ftdo J at Itft pitir^ikd on 
tliem to compoimd wub me for a d^ ctf 

Yets may imagine, that my hooie camiot be 
a very fciall one : and I afldre you there are as 
many beds in It, as in a country inh. Yet I 
have fearcc room to torn myfc!f dbout in it : 
for one apartment is taken tip by this relation, 
another by that i and the moft diftant coufin nluft 
ha've mone refpefl (hewn her, than to be clapped 
up in a garret with the maid-fervants: fo tMit 
poor I have no more liberty in my own houfe than 
a lodpr. On^^i indeed,; I in vain endeai^red 
tp fbabs cbean off^ and took a liitfe bovL in the 
m'^bbourhood of town, fcard big eoougb tolioid 
uiy own family^ But alas ! ihey ftuck as ck^e 
to it, a3 a foail to her &ell : aod nitber than 
not lie under the iame^ roof with AeirjreJatioO) 
thfy contrived tp Ikter togrthser l&o /q many 


fg 7i/ CONNOISSEUR, N*.8(X 

pigs in a ftye. At another time, thinking to 
clear my boufe at once of thefe vermin, I packed 
«p my wife and mother, and fent them to her 
uncle's in the country for a month. But what 
could I do ? there was no getting rkl of thofe left 
behind : my wife had made orer to them the care 
"of the houfliold, allotting to each of them her 
particular employment during her abfence. One 
was to pickle walnuts, another to preferve fweet* 
meats, another to make ilfdr#/Z(9 brandy; all which 
they executed with the notablenefs peculiar lo 
good houfewives, who fpoil and wafte more than 
they fave, for the fatisfadion of making thefe 
things s^t home. At laft my wife returned i and 
.all that I got by her journey, wa^ the importa- 
tipn of two new coufuis frefli out of the coun- 
try, who {he never knew before were the Icaft 
xdated to her: — but they have been fo kind as 
to claim kindred with me by hanging upon me 
ever fince.. 

Onk- would knagine, that it were ibfficient 
' for thefe loving relations to have the run of my 
table; and to mkke my houfe in every reipedl 
their own^: but not content with this, they have 
. the cunning to oblige me, in a manner, to find them 
.in cloaths likewifc I fliould not repine, if any 
'«f my worthy retations were bumble enough to 


K^.SxK 55&* CONNOISSEUR. . 69 

put up with a caft-ofFfuit of my wife's ; but diat 
would be robbing the maid of her juft dues, and 
would leok more Uke a dependant than a relation. 
Not but that they will condefcend now and then 
to take a gown, befcM'e it is half worn out, (when 
they have talked my wife into a diflike of it)-^ 
becaufe it is too good for a common fervant. 
They have more fpirit than to beg any ijiing : 
but — ^if my wife has a fancy to part wkh it-^ 
they will wear it, purely for her (ake. " A cap, 
an apron, or an handkerchief, which, I am told, 
looks hideous upon her, I always find is very 
becoming on any other of the family : and I 
remember, foon after we were married, happen* 
ing to find fauk with the pattern of a filk brc^ 
cade my wife had juft bought, one of her fifiers 
took it from her, and told me {he would have Ic 
made up (or herfelf, and wear 'it on purpofe to 

You muft know, Mr. Town, that upon 
my marriage I was indifcreet enough to fet up 
my chariot : and fince my family has encreafed ^ 
prodigioufly, thishas given them a pretext t6 have 
a coach likewife, and another pair of horfes. This 
alfo furnifhes them with a pretence for running' 
about to public diverfions, where I am forced to 
ireat them all : for they are fo very fond of each 



otfaeis totnpaiyf thsrt Me will htrAjr ev«r ftir 
MtwidMMJClhectber^ Thus^ athditieorabRMd^ 
tbef conftandy herd tofeditr : and ^^^[at b ftiil 
neve piovokinigf Chough- 1 hod mthcr have a rouit 
•vi»y wc«k at my hookf my wife snakes a merit 
of ir» thai (be kcepa Kttk or no company. 

S^H 1§ tile ftittf or my fanniily witbfrr doorsf : 
mt tihbifgh ydti W611M tMnk this fM&citt)t fcfottt 
mat), I ctfn dflTan! you I have otbcr calls upoii 
me FiMi relitioiM na fefV dear to^ me, thdtigh I 
ka^ flcver yet had the happmds to fee them, 
A tWrd <?o*fei by my wifeV father's fide wsis fet 
op in the etwttfry In a very good wayof htrfincft j 
but by niisfertufie^ in trade mirfl: have gone td 
jnH^ if tty urtfc had mi teited me hito being 
tonnd for him^ and fbr whkb I W2» fooit after 
aircftedy aixk oUigtd to pay dfe tfDontfy. An<^ 
thcr, a very promifmg youth, was juft ouf of his 
time, and only wanted a little fum to fet him up $ 
which as foo» as I had Itfnt btm^ be ran* aw^y, 
and i^ gone to ka. Otie of the aunts^ whan 
00^ wHilfr me^ (a widow hdy) has* aa only 
daughter^ a fober difeseet body, who lived a» a 
€Oinpanioii with an old genjd^woman. m thd coun« 
Uy : but the poor ionoceDt girl being drawn afidc 
by a vilt fellow thiEK ruined ber^ I have been 
f^^d'to Support tb<^ unhappy mother andchijd 


N-,»<^ «rCOM»0!SSgi;R. ft 

ever fince,. to prevent any reproach Ming, on 
our family. I &aM £17 nothing d the various 
pfgfeiro, Whidh have fravelled dowri fo liiy Wife's 
uncle,, in return for one turkey and chine received 
at Cbrifimasi nor fhall I put to account the chargp 
I have been at in the goffip fees, and in buying 
corals^ aoddyne iieekla<^ kc fat half a dozen 
little nephewsf fMce^ ztitl ceufmsy td which I 
bad the honour of ftanding godfadier* 

And now, Mr. Town, the mention of this 
laft circumftance makes me rtiteA wllh %h h^vy 
heart oa a new calamity, which will ihortly 
befal me. ^y wift, you itiuft know, is tdy 
near her tirtie : and they have provided (uch a 
ffore of clouts, caps» forehead-clothsy biggens, 
belly-bands, whittles, and all kiitds of childbeds 
Itnnen, as would let up a Lying-in Hofpitat. 
You will conclude, that nty family wants no fur- 
ther increaie : yet, would you believe it? I have 
juft received a letter, acquainting nne, that ano* 
ther aunt, and another couiin, are coming up in 
the {{age coach to fee their relation, and are 
refblved to itay with her die month. Indeed, t 
am afraid, when they have once got footing in my 
houfe, they will refolve to ftay with her, 'tilt fhe 
has had another and another child. 

I am. Sir, y^iir humble ftifvanc,^ tt^* 


Numb. LXXXL Thmfd/^j Augujl 14, 1756* 

^-Oenus humanQm multo fiiit illud in arvis 
Durius. LucRET. 

Jn hardy race of mortab^ trained ujparts^ 
IThi field their joy y unpolififdjet by tourts^ 

Mr. Village to Mr^ Town. 

Dear Cou&I!^> 

A Me RE country fquire^ who paflcs all Jiis 
time among dogs and horfes, is now be* 
come an uncommon charader; and the moft 
^ukward loobily inheritor of an old manfion-houfe 
is a fine gentleman in companion to his fore- 
fathers* The principles oF a town education 
formerly fcarce fpread themfelves beyond the nar- 
row limits of the bills of mortality : but now 
every London refinement travels to the remotefl 
cornet of the Icingdom, and the polite families 
from the town daily import to their diftant feats 
the cufloms and manners of Tidl-maU and 

I HAVE been for this fortnight paft at Lord 
Cmrii/^^ who for about four months in every 


N\ 8i, 7J# CONNOISSEUR. 73 

year leads a town life at the diftance of above two 
hundred miles from London* He never leaves his 
bed 'till twelve or one o'clock ; though, indeed, 
he often fees the fun rife ; but then that only 
happens, when, as the old fong fays, he has 
'^ drank down the moon.'' Drinking is the only 
rural amufement^ie perfues ; but even that part 
of his diverfions is conduced entirely in the London 
fafhion. He does liot fwill country ale, but gets 
drunk with Champagne and Burgundy \ and every 
difh at his table is ferved up with as much ele- 
gance as at fVhite^s or Ryan's. He has an excel- 
lent pack of hounds ; but, I believe, was never 
in at the death of a fox in his life : yet ftrangers 
never want a chace, for the hounds are out three 
times a week with a younger brother of Lord 
Courtfy*Sy who never faw London j and who, if he 
was not indulged with a place at his lordfhip's 
table, might naturally be confidered as his 
whipper-in or his game-keeper. 

The evening- walk is a thing unknown and 
unheard of at Lord Courtly* s : for, though fituated 
in a very fine country, he knows no more of the 
charms of purh'ng ftreams and fliady groves, than 
if they had never exiftcd but in poetry or romance. 
ASifoon as the daily debauch after dinner, and 
the ceremonies of cofFce and tea are over, xhs 

Vol. III. E company 

company is conduced into a magnificent apart- 
ment illuminated with wax-candles, and fet out 
with as many card-tables, as the rout of a foreign 
ambafiador's lady. Here Faro^, Whift, Brag, 
Lanfquenet, and every other AAiionabie game, 
make up die evening^ entertainment. This 
piece of politenefs has often fallen heavy on 
fome honeft country gentlemen, who have found 
dining with his lordfhip turn out a very dear or- 
dinary ; amd many a good lady has had occafion 
to curft the cards, and her ill-ftarred conneftions 
with perfons of quality : though his lordibip it 
never at a lofi for a party ; for as fcveral people- 
of fafhion have feats near him, he often fits down 
with fome of his friends of the club at Whiti's. 
I had almdft forgot to mention, that her ladyihip 
kips a day^ which is Sunday. 

ThiS) dear Coufin^ is the genteel manner of 
living in the country ; and I cannot help obfer- 
ving, that perfons polite enough to be fond of 
fuch exquifite refinements, are partly in the fame 
cafe with the machanic at his dufty Ftlk. They 
both, indeed, change their fituatjon ; but neith^ 
£nd the leaft alteration in their ideas. The 
tradefman, when at his box, has all the notiotus 
that employ him in his compting-houfe ; and the 
nobleman, though in the farthefl part of Englmid^ 
may ftill be faid to breathe the air of St. Jameses. 

1 WAS 

I WAS chiefly ihdutred to fend yoa diis fhort 
account of the refined manner, hi which perfoAs 
of fafhion pals their time at Lord' Qriirt1y% be« 
caufe I think it a very ftriking contraft to the chSi« 
ra£ier defcribed in the following tranfcript. I hope 
yout readers will ilot do either you or me the 
honotir to think this natural pourtraiture a mere 
creature of the imagination. The pidture of the 
extraordinary gentleman here defcribed is now at 
the feat of the Lord Shaftejburyj at St. Gileses near 
Cranbefrn in Dorfeijbire^ and this lively chara£ter of 
him was really and truly drawn by Anihimy JJhky 
CoTVpefy firft Earl of Shaftejbmy^ and is infcribed 
on the picture. I doubt not, but you will be glad of 
being able to communicate it to the public, and 
that they will receive it with their ufual candour. 


The Honourable W. HASTINGS. 

Of Woo D L A N D s in Hampjhire\ 

Second Son of 


IN the year 1638 lived Mr. Hajiingsi by his 
Quality Son, Brother, and Uncle to the Earls 
of Huntingdon. He was peradventure an Original 
in our Age j or rather the Copy of our ancient 
Nobility, in Hunting, not in warlike Timesk 

E 2 He 

76 7*r CONNOISSEUR. N». 8r, 

He was low, very ftrong and very a^ve ; 
of a reddifh flaxen Hair. His Cloaths always 
green Cloth, and never all worth (when new) 
five Pounds. 

His Houfe was perfectly of the old Fafhion, ia 
the midft of a large Park well flocked with 
Deer ; and near the Houfe Rabbits to ferve the 
Kitchen; many Fifii-ponds ; great ftoreof Wood 
and Timber j a Bowling Green in it, long but 
narrow, full of high Ridges, it being never le- 
velled fmce it was ploughed. They ufed round 
Sand Bowls ; and it had a Banquetting Houfe, 
like a Stand, built in a Tree; 

He kept all Manner of Sport Hounds, that ran 
Buck, Fox, Hare, Otter, and Badger. And 
Hawks, long and (hort winge^d. He had all 
Sorts of Nets for Fifli. He had a Walk in the 
New Forejiy and the Manor of Chriji Church. 
This hft fiipply'd him with Red Deer, Sea and 
River Fifh. And indeed all his Neighbours 
Grounds and Royalties were free to him, who 
bellowed all his Time on thefe Sports, but what 
he borrowed to carefs his Neighbours Wives and 
Daughters ; there being not a Woman in all his 
Walks, of the Degree of a Yeoman's Wife or 
under, and under the Age of /orty, but it was 
extremely her Fault, if he was not intimately ac- 

N^8i. The CONNOISSEUR. 77 

quainted with her. This made him very popular; 
always fpeaking kindly to the Hufband, Brother 
or Father : who was to boot, very welcome to 
his Houfe, whenever he came. There he found 
Beef, Pudding, and Small Beer in great plenty. 
A Houfe not fo neatly kept as to (hame Him or 
his dirty Shoes: the great Hall ftrowed with 
Marrow- bones, full of Hawks- Perches, Hounds, 
Spaniels and Terriers : the upper Side of the Hall 
hung with Fox-fkins of this and the laft Year's . 
kBling; here and there a Pole-Cat intermixt; 
-Game - keepers and Hunters Poles in great 

The Parlour was a large Room -as properly 
furnl(hed. On a great Hearth paved with Brick 
lay (bme Terriers, and the choiceft Hounds and 
Spaniels. Seldom but two of the great Chairs 
had Litters of young Cats in them ; which were 
not to be difturbed ; he having always three or 
four attending him at Dinner ; and a little white 
round Stick of\ fourteen Inches lying by his 
Trencher, that he might defend fucb Meat as he 
had no Mind to part with to them. The Window* 
(which were very large) ferved for Places to lay his 
Arrows, Crofs Bows, Stone- Bows, and othetfuch 
like Accoutrements. The Corners of the Room full 
of the beft-chofe Hunting and Hawking Poles. An 
Oyiler Table at the lower End, which was of 
E 3 conftant 

78 ?:&/ CON^NOSSIEUR. N*. gi. 

conftant life twice a Day all tbe Year round. 
For he never failed to eat Oyficrs, before Dinner 
and Supper, through all Seafons ; the ncighb'ring 
Town of Pid fupply'd him with them. 

The upper Part of the Room had two (mall 
Tables and a Defk, on the one fide of which was 
a Church Bible, and on the other the Book of 
Martyrs, On the Tables were Hawks-Hoods^ 
Bells, and fudi like; two or three old giieen 
Hats, with their Crown thruft in fo as to hold 
ten or a dozen Eggs, which were of a Pheafant 
kind of Poultry he took much care of and fed 
himfelf. Tables, Dice, Cards, and Boxes were 
not wanting. In the Hole of the De& were Store 
of Tobacco Pipes that had been ufed. 

On one Side of this End of the Room was the 
Door of a Clofet wherein fiood the Stfoog Beer 
and the Wine, which never came thence but in 
fingle Glafles ; that being the Rule of the Houfe 
cxaftly obferved. For he never exceeded in Drink 
or permitted it. 

On the other Side was the Door into an old 
Chapel, not ufed for Devotion. The Pulpit, as 
the fafeft Place, was never wanting of a cold 
Chine of Beef, Venifon Pafty, Gammon of 
Bacon, or great Apple-pye with thick Cruft, 
extremely baked. His 

N^8i. 7ir CONNOISSEUR. 79 

His Table coft him not much ; though it was 
goodtocatat. His Sports fiippKcd all but Beef and 
Mutton, except Fridays, when he had the beft 
Saltfifh (as well as other Fifh) he could get ; and 
was the Day his Neighbours of beft Quality moft 
viitted him. He never wanted a Londm pudding, 
and always fung it in with My Part lies therein-a. 
He drank a Glafs or two of Wine at Afeals ; very 
often Syrup of Gilli-flower in hb Sack ; and had 
abways a Tun Glais, witboujt Feet, ftoodbyhim» 
holding a Pint of Sn>all Beer, which he often 
ftirred with Rofemary. 

He was well natured but foon angry, calling 
his Servants, Baftards and cuckoldy Knaves, in 
one of which he often fpoke Trudi to his own 
Knowledge ; and fometimes in both, though of 
the fame Man. He lived to be an Hundred; 
never loft his Eye-fight, but always wrote and 
read without Spe^cles.; and got on Horfeback 
without help. Until paft Fourfcore he rode to 
the Death of a Stag as well as any. 

I am,, dear Coufin, yours, &c« 


8o n^ CONNOISSEUR. N*. 82. 

Numb. LXXXII. Thurfdof^ Augujl 21, 1 7 55. 

Nofle omnia h«C| falus eft adolcfcentulit* 


AU theff a hnvp is /afitf U tht youth, 

THOUGH the following letter wa ori- 
ginally written for the inftru£lion of a 
young gentleman going to the Univcrflty { yet as 
it contains feveral juft and fenfible reiIe£^ions» 
which may be of ufe to many of my readers, I 
have willingly complied with the requeft of my 
correfpondent in making it the entertainment 
of to-day. 

Dear Sir, 

AS you are now going to the Unlverfity,. I 
would not be thought to pay fo ill a com* 
pliment to your own natural good fenfe, as to 
fuppofej that you will not (like many young 
gentlemen of fortune) in fome meafure apply 
yourfclf to ftudy : otherwifc the lime you fpend 
there will be entirely loftj for (as Swift 
very juftly remarks) ** all ornamental parts .of 
** education arc better taught in other places." 


No.82. Thi CONNOISSEUR. 8i 
At the fame time I do not mean, that you ffco..ld 
commence Pedant, and be continually poring on 
a book; fmce that will rather puzzle, than inform 
the underftanding. And though I know many 
fprightly young gentlemen of lively and quick 
parts affedl to defpife it altogether, it will be ne- 
ceiTary to learn fomething^of Logic ; I mean in 
the fame manner one would learn Fencing— — 
not to attack others, but to defend one's ftlf. In 
a word, you will find it a great unhappinefs, when 
you return hither, if you do not bring with you 
fome tafte for reading: for a mere country gen- 
tleman, who can find no fociety in books, will 
have little elfe to do, befides following his fports, 
but to fit, as fquire of the company, tippling 
among a parcel of idle wretches, whofe under- 
flandings are nearly on a level with his dogs 
and horfes. 

It has been an eflablifhed maxim, that the 
world will always form an opinion of perfons ac- 
cording to the company they are known to keep. 
In the Univerfity, as well as in other places^ tliere 
are pebple, whom we ought to avoid, as we 
would the plague: and as it is of the utmoft 
confequence, whether you plunge at once tnto 
extravagance and debauchery, or fink gradually 
ii3to indolence and ftupidity, I {hall point out 
E 5 fome 


fome of thcfe pcfts of focicty in as few worda 
as poffible. 

The firft perfon I would caution you againft 
is the wretch that takes delight to turn religion 
into ridicule: one who employs that fpeecb, 
which was given him by God to celebrate his 
praife, in quefiioning his very being. This, as 
it is impious in itfelf, is likewife the height of ill- 
manners. It is hoped, there are but few of them 
to be met with in a place of found do(3rine and 
religious education : but wherever they are, they 
ought to be avoided as much as poflible ; and if 
they will force themfelves into our company, they 
ihould be ufed with the fame contempt, with 
which diey have the hardinefs to treat their 
Maker. And this, I can aiTure your, may be 
done fafdy : for I never knew any body, who 
pretended to be above the fear of God, but was 
under the moft terrible apprehenfions, whenever 
Skttacked by man. 

The next charader, whom I would advife 
you to fhun, is the Gamester, in fome re- 
fpeSs not unlike the former. TTie gaming-table 
is his fhrine, and fortune his deity ; rior does he 
ever fpeak or think of any other, unlefs by way 
of blafphcmy, oaths and curfes, when he has had 

. a bad 

U\8x. 7Jf CONNOISSEUR. 83 

a bad' run iat cards or dice. He his not the leaft 
notion of friendfhip ; but would ruin his own 
brother, if it might be of any advantage to him- 
felf. He, indeed, profefles hunfelf your friend ; 
but that is only with a defign to draw you in : 
for his trade is inconfiftent wkh the principles of 
honour or juftice, without which there can be no 
real friendfhip. It (hould, therefore, be the care 
of every gentleman, not to hold any commerce 
with fuch people, whofe acquaintance he cannot 
^joy» without giving up his eftate. 

The next perfon, whom you ought to beware 
of, is aDRUNKARD; one that takes an unaccount- 
able pleafure in Tapping his conftitution, and 
drowning his underftanding. He conftantly goes 
fenlelefs to bed, and rifes maukHh in the morn- 
ing ; nor can he be eafy in body or mind, 'till he 
has renewed his dofe, and again put himfelf be- 
yond the reach of refle£lion. I would^ therefore, 
entreat you by all means to avoid an habit, which 
will at once ruin your health, and impair your 
intelle^ It is a misfortune, that fociety fUould 
be efteemed dull and infipid without the aflifiance 
of the bottle to enliven it : fo that a man cannot 
entirely refrain from his glafs, if he keeps any 
company at alU But let it be remembered, that 
in drinking, as well as in talking, we ought 
E 6 always 

84 7J# CONNOISSEUR. N^ 8:1. 
always to << keep a watch over the doors o£ 
•* our lips/' 

A LowNGER h a creature, that you will oftcii^ 
fee lolling in a cofFee-houfe, or Tauntering about 
the ftreets, with great calmnefs, and a moft in- 
flexible ftupidhy in his countenance He takes 
as much pains as the Sot, to fly from his own 
thoughts I and is at length happily arrived at the 
higheft pitch of indolence, both in. mind and body«. 
He would be as inoffenfive, as he k dull, if it 
were not that his idlenefs is contagious ; for, like 
the torpedo J he is fure to benumb and take away 
all fenfe of feeling from every one, with whom. 
be happens tacome in conta£L 

It were alfo beft to forbear the company of » 
Wrangler, or a perfon of a litigious temper.. 
This fometimes arifes, not from any great fhare. 
of ill-nature, but from a vain pride of fhewing, 
one's parts> or fkill in argumentation.. It is fre- 
quently obferved of young Academics in parti- 
cular^ that they are very apt impertinently to en- 
gage people in a d'rfpute, whether they wiU or- 
not. But this is contrary to all the rules of good - 
breedings and is never pra£Hfed by any man. of 
fenfe, that has feen much of the world'. I have 
&uaetiiiiits known, a perfon of great faucinefs, and 


N^8a. 7J/ CONNOISSEUR. 8j 

veiubility of exprei&on, confuted by the jtrgu- 
nuntum BacuUnum^ and both his head and his 
fyllogifm broken at the fame time. 

. I NEED' not point out txy you die -profligate 
Rake or the affeded Coxcomb, as perfons 
from whofe company you can reap no fort of be- 
nefit. From the firft the good principles^ already 
iiiftilled into you^ will doubtlef»pre(erveyou) and 
I am fure you have too much real fenfe^ not to 
defpife the abfurd fopperies of the latter. Noted 
Lyars are no lefs to be avoided, as the common 
pefts of fociety. They are often of a mifchievous 
difpofuion, and by their calumnies and falfe fug- 
gpftions take a pleafure in fetting the moft inti- 
mate ftiends at variance. But if they only deal iiv 
harmlefs and improbable lies, their acquaintance, 
muft frequently be out of countenance for them 5. 
and if W€ Ihould venture to repeat after them>- 
I am fure it is the way to l^ out of countenance 
for ourfelves. 

. But above all I muff advife you never to en- 
gage, at leaft not with any degree of violence,, in - 
any Party.. Be riot tranfported by the clamorous- 
jollity of talking patriots, beyond the fober dilates 
of reafon and juftice j nor let the infinuating 
voice of corruption tempt you to barter your ini- 
/ tegritjr 

86 7Jr CONNOISSEUR. N*.82. 

intagpsty and peace of mind for the paltry fatlBfac- 
tion of knproring your fortune. If you behave 
With honour and prudence, you will be r^arcbd 
and courted by all parties ; but if otherwife, you 
will certainly be dtipifed by all. Perhaps indeed, 
if you fhoidd hereafter engage in elections, and 
fpend your .own money to fupport another's caufe, 
the perfon, in whofe intereft you are, may (hake 
you by the hand, and fwear you are a very honeft 
gentleman: "-^juft as butchers treat their bull- 
dogs, who fpit in thetr mouths, clap them on the 
back, and ^n halloo them on to be tolled and 
torn by the he^-ns of their antagonift. 

After havix^ gardcd you againft the evil 
influence of your own fex, I cannot conclude 
without throwing in a word or two concerning 
the Ladies. But that I may liot be thou^t un« 
mannerly to the fair, I (hall pafs over their 
faults 5 only hoping, that their excellencies will 
not tempt you to percipitate a match with one 
much your inferior in birth and fortune, though 
«« endowed with every accompliftmcnt requifite 
** to make the marriage ftatc happy.*' In thefe' 
hafly and unequal matches it fometimes happens, 
that mutual love gives vrzy to mutual reproaches. 
We may perhaps too late repent of our bargain : 
and though Repentance be an excellent vifiting 


N*.83. 7i/ CONNOISSEUR. 87. 

friend, when fhe reminds us of our paft nufirar^ 
riages, and prefcribes rules how to avoid Aem for 
the future, yet fhe is a moft troublefome compa- 
nion, when fixed upon us for life. 

I am, dear Sir, 

your fincere friend, &c* 

H. A. 
Numb. LXXXIII. Thurfdayy Jug. 28, 1755. 

Tot pariter pelves, tot tintinnabula dicas 
PuMari. — • ' Juv. 

Rough repetition roars in rudeji rbyme^ 
Ai clappers clinkle in one charming chinu. 

SINCE genius is the chief requifite in all 
kinds of poetry, nothing can be more con- 
trary to the very cflence of it, than the adopting 
as beauties, certain arts, which are merely me- 
chanical. There are daily arifing many whim- 
fical excellencies, which have no foundation .in 
nature, but are only countenanced by the prefent 
mode of writing. With thefe it is as eafy to fill 
our compofitions, as to drefs ourfelves in the fa- 
Ihion : but the writer, who puts his work together 
in this manner, is no more a poet than his taylov. 


»« Th CONNOISSEUR. N^ 83. 
Such produ<S^ions often betray gceat labour and 
exaiSlnefsi but ihew no genius: for thofe, who 
fit down to write by rule, and follow '* dry re- 
** ceipts how poems fliould be made," may cortt- 
pofe their pieces without the leaft a0i(lance from 
the imagination ; as an apothecary's prentice, 
though unable to cure any difeafe, can make up 
medicines from the phyfician's prefcription, with 
no more knowledge of phyfic than the names of 
the drugs. Thus the Mufe, that ought to fty, and 
" afcend the brighteft heaven of invention," walks 
in leading- firings, or is fupported by a go-cart. 

Among the many poetical tricks of this fort, 
none have been more fuccefsfully pradlifed, or had 
more advocates and admFrers, than a certain fan- 
taftical conceit, called Alliteration: which 
is nothing more than beginning two», three, or 
perhaps every word in a line with the fame letter. 
This method of running divifjons upon the al- 
phabet, and preffing particular letters into the 
fervice, has been accounted one of the firft excel- 
lencies in verfification, and has, indeed, received 
the fanftion of fome of our beft poets : but 
wherein the beauty of it confifts, is fomething 
difficult to difcbver; fmce paries or IVithers 
migHt prailife it with as much adroitnefs as 
Dryden or Spenfer. It is one of thofe modiern 



arts in poetry, which rcqmrc no fancy, judg- 
ment, or learning, in the execution: for am au- 
thor may huddle the fame letters on each other 
again and again, as mechanically as the printer 
ttlcSks his types, and ranges them in whatfoever 
order he pleafes. 

This partial attachment to particular letters is 
a kind of contraft to the famous OdyiTey of Tty* 
pUiJorut^ where every letter in the alphabet was 
m it's turn excluded \ and the AUiterator muft be 
as bufily employed to introduce his favourite vowe) 
or confonant) as the Grnk poet to (hut out the 
letter he had profcribed. Nothing is tfieemcd t 
greater beauty in poetry, dian an happychoice of 
epithets s but Alliteration reduces all the elegan- 
cies of exprcffion to a very narrow compafs* 
£pithets are culled, indeed, with great exa£lnefs ; 
but the clofeft relation they are intended to bear 
to the word to which they are joined, is that the 
initials are the fame. Thus the fiilds muft be 
Jlowry^ beauty muft be biaming^ laiiis muft be hv$fy y 
and in the fame manner muft the A* waves wind 
'* their watry way," the " bluftring Wafts blow,'* 
and " bcks all loofely lay," not for the fake of 
the poetry, but the elegance of the Alliteration. 
This beauty has alfo taken pofleifion of many 0^ 
our tragedies) and I have feen ladies wooed and- 

' heroes 

heroei ktUed in % though I muft own, I never 
bear an ador dpng tvitb deadly darts and fiery 
flamei, See. but it always puU me in mind of the 
cdebrated pippin-woman in Gaf% Trivioj whofe 
heady when it was fevered from bcr body, rolled 
along the ice [crying pip^ pipy pip^ and expired 
in Alliteration. 

Thb fame falfe tafte in writing, ^* that wings 
*< difplay'd and altais raia'd," alfo introduced AUi- 
teraiion^ and Acroftics b particular are the fame 
kind of 4>elIu)g-boQk poetry. It is, therefefe^ 
i^ewbat extraordinary) that thoie fuWme wri* 
tf m^ who have dt%eaced thtir pages with Jt, did 
not leave thia aa well u the other barbanous parts 
of literature to the G^h in poetry } finoe it is 
a whimfical beauty, below the praSicc of any 
writer» fuperior to him who turned AeASmid 
into Monkifli verfts* SbakeJ^ean^ who was more 
indebted to nature &an art, has ridiculed this 
low trick with great humour in his buriefque 
ti-agedy of Pjramus and Thi/ie. Bolides that 
notsA paflagc, 

— — ff^tb blade y with bbocfy blameful blade 
He bravely broached his boiling bloody breaji^ 

he before introduces a mock rant, which Bonm 
calls E3rdi$* V^ i which is not only rank ftiflian, 


N*.83. ne CONNOISSEUIL 91 

but is alfo remarkable for it's Alliteration. To 
mah all fplit the raging recisj and Jhivering Jboch 
Jhall break the loch of prifon gates — and Phibbus 
' car Jball Jbine from f or ^ and make and mar thefoolijb 
fates. In this ftrange ftile have whole poems been 
written ; and every learned reader will recolleft 
on this occafion the Pugna Porcorum per P. Pordmn 
Pelagium Poeiam^ which I wifh feme of our 
poetafters would tranflatc, in the true fpirit of the 
original, and praife pigs and pork with all the. 
beauties of Alliteration. 

The advocates and admirers of this pradlce 
have aflertedi that it adds fignificance and ftrength 
of expreilion of their verfes : but I fear this boafied 
energy feldom appears to the reader. H^t Alii- 
teration either remains unregarded, or, if it Is 
very ftriking, difgufts thofe who perceive it ; and 
is often in itfelf, from fuch a difagreeable clufter 
of the fame letters, harlh and uncouth. There 
are many inftances, where Alliteration, though 
ftudioufly introduced, renders the verfification 
rough and inharmonious ; and I will appeal to the 
greateft lovers of it, whether the followuig line, 
where the repetition was fcarce intended, is one of 
the moft pleafing in all FsrgiPs works : 

Neu patriae Validas ia Vifcera Vertite Vires. 

f Found not with J^tgour Vqfl the Vitals of the Ved. 


9* 7J/ CONNOISSEUR. N^83. 

It muft be acknowledged, that there is fome- 
thing very rtiechanical in the whole conftruflion 
of the numbers in moft of our modern poetry. 
Sound is more attended to than renfe, and the 
words are expected to exprefs more than the fen- 
timent. There are fet rules to make verfes run 
off glibly, or drawl flowly on ; and I have read 
many a poem with fcarce one tolerable thought 
in it, that has contained all thefe excellencies of "' 
verfification : for which reafon I muft confefs my- 
felf no friend to thofe critics, who analyfe words 
and fyllables^ and difcover latent beauties in every 
letter, when the author intended that the whole 
(hould be taken together. Poetry fhould feem 
at leaft to flow freely from the imagination, and 
TOt to be fqueezed from the droppings of the 
brain. If we would endeavour to acquire a full 
idea of what we mean to defcribe, we fliould then 
of courfe exprefs ourfelves with force, elegance, 
and perfpicuity i and this native ftrength of ex- 
preiEon would have nwre true energy than elabo- 
rate phrafes, ac^d a quaint and ftudied combina- 
tion of words and letters Fine numbers are 
undoubtedly one of the chief beauties, in poetry j 
but to make the found echo to the fenfe, we 
Ihould make the fenfe our chief objefl. This 
appears to me to have been the manly prafiice 
of the Ancients, and- of oar own Shakefpeare^ 



Mikon^ ice. who breathed the true fpirit of 
poetry, without having recourfe to little tricks 
and mean artifices which only ferve to diigrace 
it. A good writer, who would be above trifling 
even with a thought, would never perfue words, 
and play with letters, but leave fuch a childiih 
employment for the fmall fry of rhymers, who 
amufe themfelves with anagrams and crambo. 
The true poet trufts to his natural ear and flrong 
conception, and knows that the verfification is 
adapted to the fentiment, without culling parti* 
cular letters, and bringing them on his lines ; as 
ke is fure that his verfes are juft oieafure, without 
fcanning them on his fingers. 

Th ere are almoft daily publifhed certain 
Lilliputian volumes entitled Pretty books for 
children, A friend of mine, who confiders the little 
rhymers of the age as only '* children of a larger 
" growth," that amufe themfelves with rhymes 
inftead of rattles, propofes to publilh a fmall 
pocket volume for the ufe of our poetafters. It 
will be a Treatife on the Art of Poetxy adapted to 
the meaneji capacities^ for which fubfcriptions will 
be taken^ and fpecimens may be feen, at George's 
and th^ Bedford cofFee-houfes. It will contain 
full dire<Sions how to modulate the numbers on 
every bccafion, and will inftrud the young 


^4 y«* CONNOISSEUR. N-.83. 
fcribbler in all the modem arts of yerfificatioii* 
He will here* meet with infallible rules, how to 
feften a line and lull us to deep with liquids and 
diphthongs ; to roughen the verfe and make it roar 
again with reiteration of die letter R ; to fet it 
hifling with femi-vowels ; to make it pant and 
breathe fliort with an hundred heavy afpirates; or 
dog it up with the thickeft double confonants and 
monofyllables : with a particular table of Allitera- 
tion, containing the choiceft epithets, dirpofed 
into alphabetical order; fo that any fubftantive 
may be readily paired with a word beginning with 
the fame letter, in^ich, (though a mere expletive) 
fliall feem to carry more force and fentiment 
in it, than any other of a more relative meaning, 
but more diftant found. The whole to be illuf- 
trated with examples from the modern poets. 
This elaborate work will be publifhcd about the 
middle of the winter, under the title of Th' 
Rhymer's Play-Things or Poetqfter^s Horn-Book i 
fincc there is nothing ncceflary to form fuch a 
poet, except teaching him his letters. 



Numb. LXXXIV. Thurfiay^ Sept. 4, 1 755. 

Tu^ dum tua navis in ako eft. 

Hoc age. •— — ^ — Hon. 

Thmiy/ailorsy ihink, though landmen arejour hatty 
JVho likes a mere tarpaulin but his mate! 

To Mr. r O W N. 


YOU obliged the world fome time ago with 
a few refleilions on the Gentlemen of the 
Army : at the prefcnt junflure, a word or two on 
our Sea-Ofiicers would not be unfeafonable. I do 
not mean, that you (hould prefume to dired them 
how to behave in their feveral fiations, but rather 
to remark on their conduct and converfation in 
private life, as far as they are influenced by their 
maritime chara£ters. There is a certain un- 
faihionable dye, which their manners often take 
from the falt-water, that tin£lures their whole 
behaviour on Ihore. If you could affift in blotting 
out thefe ftains, and give a new colour to their 
condud, you would add grace and politenefs to 
their ordinary converfation, and would be of as 
much fervice to our naval commanders in this 


96 yi# CONNOISSEUR. N^ 84, 

point, as he was to navigation in general, who 
firft invented the compafs. 

A s the converfation of thofe fair-weather fop- 
lings, many of whom may be met with in the 
three regiments of guards, is ufually flat and in- 
fipid, that of our fea-ofEcers is turbulent and 
boifterous i and as a trip to Paris has perhaps 
over-refined the coxcomb in red, a voyage round 
the globe frequently brutalizes the fean^an, who 
comes home fo rough and unpolifhed, that one 
would imagine he had not vifited any nation in 
the world, except the Savages, or the Hottentots. 
The many advantages he has received from having 
feen the cuftoms and manners of fo many different 
people, it is natural to fuppofc, would render his 
converfation very defireable, as being in itfelf par- 
ticularly inftru(Slive and entertaining; but this 
roughnefs, which clings to the feaman's beha- 
viour, like tar to his trowfers, makes him unfit 
for all civil and polite fociety. He behaves at an 
affembly, as if he was upon deck 5 and his whole 
deportment manifeftly betrays, that he is, accord- 
ing to the common phrafe, quite out of his ele- 
ment. Nor can you colle6t any more from him 
concerning the feveral nations he has vifited, than 
if he had been during the whole time confined to 
his cabin : and he feems to know as little of 


them, as the fine geotleman of bis travels after 
the polite tour, when he has, for the fake of im- 
provement, rid poft through all Europe* 

Ti|AT our ordinary feamen, who are many of 
them draughted from the very loweft of the po- 
pulace, fhould be thus uncivilized, is no wonder. 
The common failor's education in Tettenham Courts 
or at Hockley in the Hole^ has not qualified him to 
improve byjuft reflexions on what he fees during 
his voyage ; and going on board a man of war 
is a kind of univerfity education, fuitably adapted 
to the principles imbibed in the polite fcminaries 
which he came from. A common failor too is 
full as polite as a common foldier ; and behaves 
as genteely to a IVapplng landlady, as the gentle* 
man foldier at a futtling-houfe. But furely there 
ought to be as much difFerence in the behaviour 
of the comrdandefc" and his crew, as there is in 
their fituation : and it is beneath the dignity <of 
the Briti/h Flag^ to have an Admiral behave as 
rudely as a Swabber, or a Commodore as foul- 
mouthed as a Boatfwain. 

It may perhaps be alledged in excufe, that the 

being placed among fuch a boifterous fet of 

people as our common failors, muft unavoidably 

wear off all politenefs and good manners : as it is 

Vol. III. F remaikable. 

remarkable, that all tbofe» who are employed iti 
the oare of horfe$» .grow at mere brutes as the 
animals they attend i and as we may often obfenre 
thofe juftices, whofe chief bufinefs is the exami- 
nation^ of bighw^^men, houTe- breakers, and 
fireet-walkera, become as vulgar and foul-moudied 
as a pick-pooket. As there may be fometrutfa in 
this, the commander fliould therefore be ftill 
more on his guard to preferve the gentleman in 
bis behaviour, and like the fea itfelf, when the 
ftorm is over, grow fmooth and calm. It is ac- 
counted a piece of humour on the Thames to abufe 
the other pafiengers on the water ; and there are 
ceruin fet terms of abufe, which fly to and fro 
from one boat to another on this occafion. A wag 
might perhaps amufe fatmielf with this water- 
language in his voyage to Vtiux-Hall^ but muft 
be a very fiUy fellow indeed, to diink of cahrying 
the joke on (hore with him. In the fame manner 
ibme roughnefs may perhaps be neceflTary to keep 
the crew in order : but it \b abfurd for an officer 
to retain his barfbneis in polite company } and ia 
in a manner tying his fripnds up to the yard*arm, 
and difciplining his acquaintance with the 
cat-of^nine* tails. 

But the worft part of this maritime ehara^r 
is a certain invincible contempt, which they often 

• centra A 

N». 84. 71i^ C O N NO IS S E U R. 99 

contrad; for all mankind^ except their fellow*^ 
feaflEteo. They look on the reft of the world ai 
a:fet of freCb-water wnrtches, who could be of 
no fervice in a ftorm or an engagement; and 
from an unaccountable obftimcy arc paiticidarly 
deaf toany propoGils of Jiew iaiprovements in na- 
vigation : though €xpertc3ice daily teaches them 
the great ufe of the difcoveries already made, and 
bow much room there is for more. They have 
no notion, how ftudious men can fit at home, and 
devife charts and infiruments to direS them in 
their courfe ; they defpife thofe ingenious perfons^ 
who would afTift them in their undertakings; 
while they conlider them with the utmoficontempt, 
as going round the world in their cloiets, and 
(ailing at fea in their elbow-chairs. I^ls no lej(s 
ihameful than true, that the Ventilator, one of 
the moft beneficial inventions th^t ever was de« 
vifed, was firft offered to the fervice of our men 
of war,- and rejefied. It was firft ufcd in foreign 
(hips, then by our merchantmen, and laft of all 
annong our men of war, to whofe ufe it was firft 
recommended. This k a ftrong proof of that 
fatal obftinacy, which our fea-commaoders are 
too apt to contraS ; and as a further inftance of 
it, I have been told of an Admiral's indignation 
on this fubjeft, venting itfelf in the following 
manner. '' A pack of blockheads, faid he, fit 
F 2 ^' poring 

tw T/&/CQNNOISSEUR. N^84. 

** poringt and pretend to make improvements 
•* for our ufe. They tell you, that they difcover 
** this, and difcover that ; but I tell you they are 

** all fools. For inftance now, they fay the 

^ world is round j every one of them fays the 

** world is round } but I have been all round 

** the world, and it is as flat as this table." 

The unpolilhed behaviour of our fea-oflicers i^ 
in great meafure owing to their being often fent to 
fea very young, with little or no education beyond 
what they have received at theacademy of ^^/cwVA 
or Pffrt/mtfUth. A lad of good family, but un* 
toward parts, or mifchievous difpofition, who has 
been flogged for a- while at the grammar- fchooF, 
or fnubbed by his parents and friends at home, is 
frequently clapped on board a fhip in order to 
tame him, and to teach him better manners. 
Here perhaps he at firft mefles with the loweft of 
the feamen ; and all that the young gentleman 
can learn from his jolly mefs- mates in the courfe 
of two or three voyages, is to drink flip, fmg a 
bawdy catch, and dance an horn-pipe. Thefe 
genteel accomplifhments he is fure to retain, as 
he grows old in the fervice ; and if he has the 
good fortune to rife to a command, he is as furly 
and brutal when advanced to the cabin, as when 
he was tugging before the maft. 

After - 

N^. 84. 7*/ C O N rt^oii ^ £ U R; ' loi 
After all it is but j\iflicc«i6*tcftrf€fs;\JHa^ 
there arc many among Wr'fea- officers, who dc* 
fervedly bear the charafler of Gentlemen and 
Scholars 5 and it is eafy to perceive, with how 
much better grace they appear in the world than 
the reft of their brethren, who, when laid up 
and taken out of fervicc, are as mere logs as the 
main-maft. An officer, who has any relifh for 
reading, will employ the many vacant hours, ia 
which he is relieved from duty, much more jo his 
improvement and fatisfadUon, thaann fauntering 
between the decks, or muddling over a bowl of 
punch. I would, therefore, ferioufly recommend 
it to thofe young failors, who have the happlnejs 
to launch forth with a genteel and liberal educa- 
tion, not to fuflFer every trace of it to be waOied 
away, like words written oh the fands : but that 
when they return from fea, they may be fit to 
be admitted at St. Jameses, as well as at flapping 
or R$theihithe. 

Before I conclude, I mud beg leave to fay a 
word or two concerning ourSca-Chaplains. Thz 
commoi) failors are knowi> to have, when on 
board, a very ferious regard for religion ; and 
their decent behaviour at prayers, and fedate at- 
tention to the fermon upon quarter-deck, might 
{hame a more polite audience at St.- Jameses 
Church. For this reafona truly religious Chaplain, 
F 3 of 

loi Tfc^ C O UNO I S S E U R. N*. 85. 

tf gc^.a^)b1i:{aiit (fib^ will ne* 

ccffartly hare as much thtiuence on their beha« 
viour, at a mild and prudem G)tnmander. Nor 
can a dergynuin be too circamfped on this point ; 
fincfy if he does not ad in every refped conform^ 
able to his fundion, his place might be at well 
fupplied by any one of the unbeneficed Do^lors of 
the Fleet. In a word, if a Chaplain will A> fat 
diveft himfelf of hb facred charader, as to drinki 
Ai^ear, and behave in every refpeA like a common 
(ailor, he (bould be obliged to work in the gang- 
way all the reft of the week, and on Sundays be 
invefted with a jacket and trowfers inftesKi of 
bit canonicals* 

I am. Sir, your humble fervant» 

O T. FoRB-CASTtt. 

Numb. LXXXV. TTmrjaofj Sipt. 11, 1755. 

— — -— — — •— -^ Animorum 
Impulfui et caeci magn^ue cupidine. — 


As the frail dame now lave^ new reafin guides^ 
The magic mixture rifes or fubfides, 

SO long ago as my fourth number (the reader 
perhaps may not remember) I made men- 
tion of a Female TijERMOMETER, conftruficd 
by my iogeniows friend Mr. James A^cough^ Op. 


T^.i^. TJr CONNOISSEUR. 103 

tician, on Eudgatr-fBlly and I then informed the 
public, that " the liquor contained within the 
** tube was a chemical mixture^ which being 
*^ adled ypon by: thf ckculation of the faiood 
<< and animal fpirits,.wditld rile and Ml accord* 
« ing to the defircs and zffe&iotis of the wearer." 
But I have now the further iatis&flion to ac^- 
quaint my fair readers, that after ieveral repeated 
i trials and improvements we baveat length brought 
|the inftrument to fy great a- degree of perfeiSion, 
[lat any common by-ftander may, by a proper 
[>pltGation of it, know the exa£k temperature of 
lady's paffions. The liquor, among other fe- 
foret ingredients, is diftilkd femndum arUm from 
the herbs lady Vlove an^ maiden-hair,, the wax 
of vti^in-bees, and the fime greater hot and cold 
feeds : and tiie properties of it are fo fubtle and 
penetrating, that ionnnediatefy on it's coming 
within the atradphen of a lady's afi«Aions, it 
is aSuated: by thenr in the fasne manaer, as the 
fpicits are by the tmpulfe of the air ia the 
comoftoa Thermometer. 

It was not without ft>me diflkulty, that we 
could fettle ibe different degrees of heat and cokl 
iQ a lady's defires^ which it would be proper tor 
delineate on our Thermometer : but at laft wo 
found, that the whole fcale of female characters 
F 4 * might 

l©4 7J# CONNOISSEUR. N*.?s- 
flight be reduced to one or other of the fol- 
lowing; viz* 

■ ■ QtSantrjf. 

<3nviofM dlO^Q^^^. 

From thefc degrees, which we have accu- 
rately marked on the fide of the tube, we have 
been able to judge of the characters of feverd 
ladies, on whom we have made the experiment. 
In fomc of thefc we hs^ve found the gradations 
very fudden ; and that the liquor has rifen very 
faft from the loweft pomt to the higheft. We 
could likewife difcover, that it was differently af- 
fefted according to the different ftation and qua- 
lity of the fubjedl; fo that the fame aiUons, 
which in a, lady of fafhion fcarce raifed the li- 
quor beyond Indiscretions, in another caufed 
it to mount almoft to Impudence. Much alfo 
depended upon the air and temperature of the 
place, where we made our trials : and even the 
drefs had fome influence on our Thermometer ; 
as we frequently obferved, that the rife and foil 


No-85. n^ CONNOISSEUR. 105 

of the liquor in the tube bore an exa£l proportion 
to the rife and fall of the ftays and petticoat. 

I SHALL now proceed to give a fuccinil ac- 
count of the many repeated experiments, which 
we have made on different fubjedb in different 
places. During the winter feafon we had fre- 
quent opportunities of trying, the effefts, whicli 
the play-houfe, the opera, and other places^ of 
diverfion might have on the Thermometer. At 
the phy-houfe we always foi^nd the liqUor rife 
in proportion, as the drama was more or 1e6 
indecent or immoral : at fome comedies, and p;aV- 
ticularly the Chances^ it's elevation kept pace ex- 
aftly with the lufcioufnefs of the dialogue and 
the ripening of the plot ; fo that it has often 
happened, that with fome fubje6!s, at the open- 
ing of the play, the liquor has ftruggled a-while, 
and rofe and funk about the degrees juft above 
Modesty ; before the third a£l it has flood fuf- 
pended at the middle point between Modesty 
and Impudence 5 in the fourth a£t it has ad- 
vanced as far as Loose Behaviour ; and at 
the conclufion of the play, it has fettled at down- 
right Impudence. At public concerts, and the 
opera efpecially, we obferved that the Thermo- 
meter conftantly kept time (if I may fo fay) with 
the mufic and finging ; and both at the opera and 
F 5 the 

|o6 7;i#CONNOISSEUR. N\8s, 

the play-houfe, it always regulated it's motions 
ty the dancer's heels. We have frequently made 
trials of our inftrument at the mafquerades in 
the Hay-Markit: but the temperature of that 
cHmate always proved fo exceeding hot, that on 
the moment of our coming into the room, the li- 
quor has boiled up with a furprifing cffervefcencc 
to Abandoned Impudence. 

During the fummer feafon, we have not 
failed to make our obfervations on the company 
^ the public gardens. Here we found, indeed, 
that with feme raw unpoli(hed females, who came 
t)nly to eat cheefe-cakes and fee the cafcadc and 
fire-works, the liquor did not (lir beyond Mo« 
DESTYj with many it has crept up to Indis- 
cretions : and with fome it has advanced to 
Loose Behaviour. We had no opportunity 
to try our Thermometer in the dark walks : , but 
with fome fubjeils we have plainly perceived the 
liquor haftening up towards Innocent Free- 
doms, as they were retiring to thefe walks from 
the reft of the company j while with others, who 
have gone the fame way, it has only continued to 
point, (as it did at the beginning of our obfer- 
vations) at Gallantry. One young lady in 
particular we could not help remarking^ whom 
we followed into faux-Hall^ gallanted by an 


N^.85- TS^ CONNOISSEUR. 107 
oflfcer. Wc were glad to (be, at her firft going 
in, that the liquor, though it now and then faintly 
afpircd towards Indiscretions, ftill graviutcd 
back again to Modesty : after they had taken 
a turn or two in the walks, we perceived it flue* 
tuating between Innocent Freedoms and 
Loose Behaviour: after this wc loft fight of 
them for fome time s gnd at the conclufion of the 
entertainment (as we followed them out) we 
could not without concern obferve, that the li- 
quor was haftily bubbling up to a degree tiext 
to Impudence. 

Besides the experiments on thofc ladies, who 
frequent the public places of diverfion, we have 
been no lefs careful in making remarks at fevf ral 
private routs and aflTemblies* We were here at 
firft very much furprifed at the extreme degree of 
COLD, which our Thernpmeter feemed to indi* 
cate in feveral ladies, who were feated round the 
card-tables; as we found not the leaft alteration 
in it either from the young or old : but we at laft 
concluded, that this was owing to their love of 
play, which had totally abforbed all their other 
paiBons. We have, indeed, more than once per- 
ceived, that when a lady has rifen from cards after 
fo much ill luck as to have involved herfelf in 
a debt of honour to a gentleman, the Thermo* 
F 6 meter 

io8 Tlf CONNOISSEUR. N*.?5. 

meter has been furprlfingly affe£lecJ ; and as (he 
has been handed to her chair, we have known 
the liquor, which before was quite flagnate, run 
iip inftantaneoufly to the degree of Gallantry. 
We have alfo been at the trouble to try it's efficacy 
in the long rooms at Bath^ Tunbridge^ Cheltenhaniy 
&c. and we have found, that thefe places have 
brought about furprifmg changes in the confti- 
tutions of thofe sick ladies, who go thither for 
the benefit of the waters. 

Having thus fufficiently proved the perfec- 
tion of our Thermometer, it only remains to ac- 
quaint my readers, that Mr. Jyfcough will be ready 
to fupply the public with th^fe ufeful infiruments, 
as foon as the town fills, in the mean time I 
would advife thofe ladies, who have the leaft re- 
gard for their charafters, to reflc(S that the gra- 
dations, as marked on our Thermometer, natu- 
rally lead to each other ; that the tranfitions from 
the loweft to the higheft are quick and obvious ; 
and that though it is very eafy to advance, it is 
impoffible to recede. Let ihem, therefore, be 
careful to regulate their paifions in fuch manner, 
as that their conduft may be always confiftent 
with decency and honour, and (as ShakeJ^eare fays) 
** not ftepping o*er the bounds of Modesty.** 
1 fcall conclude with obferving, that thefe Ther- 


>I^86. 7J^ CONNO ISSE'Uft. i6^ 

mohieters are dcfigned only for the ladies : foi* 
though we imagined at firft, that they might fervc 
equally for the men, we have found reafoti to alter 
our opinion ; fince, in the courfe of feveral fruit- 
lefs experiments on our own fex, there has (carce 
appeared any medium in them between Modestt 
and Impudence. 


Numb. LXXXVI. Thurfdoy, Sept. i8, 1755. 

Via facra, ficut meus eft mos, 

Nefcio quid meditans nugarum, totus in illis. 


/ range in quejl of knowledge evry Jlreet^ 
And ftudf arts at Ludgate or the Fleet. 

To- Mr. r O fF N. 


IT has been generally imagmed, that learning 
is only to be acquired in the clofet, by turning 
over a great number of pages : for which reafon 
men have been affiduous to heap together a parcel 
of dufty volumes, and our youth have been fent to 
ftudy at the univerfuies : as if knowledge was (hut 
up in a library, and chained to the fhelves toge- 


Aia 7J# CONNOISSEUR. N^. 86. 

iter with the folios. This prejudice has mad^ 
•very one over-look the mod obvious and readjr 
means of coming at literature ; while (as the Wife 
Man ha$ remarked) *^ Wifi^oin crieth without^ 
«* (be uttereth her voice in the ftreets j (he crictb 
^ in the chief pbce of concourfe, in the openings 
«* of thegates : in the city (he uttereth her words, 
** and no man regardcth her." Every lane teems 
with inftruflion, and every alley is big with eru- 
dition : though the ignorant or curious pafler^by 
fliuts his eyes againft that unrverfal volume of arts 
and fcicnces, which conftantly fies open before 
him in the highways and bye-piaces; like the 
laws of the Romansy which were hung up in the 
public ftreets. 

You muft know, Mr. Town, that I am 
a very hard ftudent ; and have perhaps gleaned 
more knowledge from my reading, than any of 
your poring fellows of colleges, though I was 
never poflcfled of fo much as an horn- book. In 
the courfe of my ftudies I have followed the ex- 
ample of the ancient Peripatetkks^ who ufed to 
ftudy walking : and as I had not the advantage to 
be brought up a fcholar, I have been obliged, like 
jhe Lacademontan children, to the public for my 
education. My firft relifji for letters I got by 
conning over ihofe elegant monofyllables, which 


N«.86. TJ/ CONNOISSEUR. iir 

are chalked out upon walls and gates, and which 
(as pretty books for children are adorned with 
cuts) are generally enforced and explained by 
curious hieroglyphics in Caricatura. I fixm made 
a further progrefs in the alphabet by (bring up at 
" the large letters upon play-bills, and advertifements. 
for flage-coaches and waggons ; 'till at length I 
was enabled to make out the inicriptions upoa 
figns, bills on empty houfes, and the titles on 
rubric -pofts. From thefe I proceeded gradually 
to higher branches of literature ; and my method 
has fince been to'vifit the PhihlibUan libraries, and. 
other learned ftalls, and the noble colledions at 
Moor-fields ; in which choice repoiitories I have 
with infinite pleafure and advantage run over the 
elaborate fyftems of ancient divines, politicians, 
and philofophers, which have efcaped the fury of 
paftry-cooks and trunk-makers. As for the mo- 
dern writings of pamphleteers and magazine- 
compilers, I make it my bufinefs to take my 
.rounds every morning at the open fhops about the 
Royal Exchange j where I never fail to run through 
every thing, frefli as it comes out. Thus, for 
example, I make a fliift to fquint over the firft 
page of the Conmijfeury as it lies before me, at 
Mrs. Cooke's ; at the next (hop I fteal a peep at 
the middle pages ; at another proceed on to the 
fourth or fifth 5 and perhaps return again to con* 

" elude 

112 The CONNOISSEUR. N^ 86. 

dude it at Mrs. Cookis, By the fame means I 
am myfcif become a Conmijfeur llkewife ; and 
you will be furprifed when I aflure you, that I 
have a great variety of the fined prints and paint- 
ings, and am mafter of a more curious fct of 
nicknacks, than are to be found in Sir Ham 
Shanes Colkftion. For, as I conflantly furvey 
the windows of every printfliop, and attend every 
auftion, I look upon every curiofity as actually in 
my poflTeffion j and you will agree with me, that 
while 1 have the opportunity of feeing them, the 
real owners cannot have more fatisfaflion in lock- 
ing them up in Cabinets and Mufarums. 

It is recorded o( Demoa-kusythzt he tranfcribed 
a fyftem of ethics from the columns of Jcicarus 
in Babylonia. In like manner you will conclude, 
that the knowledge, which I have thus picked 
out of the ftreets, has been very extenfive : I have 
gone through a complete courfe of phyfick by 
perufing the learned treatife of Dr. Rock and other 
eminent pra<Slitioners, pafted up at the entrance 
of allies and bye-places : I have learned at every 
corner, that the fcurvy is a popular difeafe, — that 
the bloody flux cannot be cured by any of the 
faculty, except the gentlewoman at the blue ports 
in Haydon Tard^ — that nervous difeafes were 
never fo frequentj-i^and that the royal family and 


N*.86. 7J^ CONNOISSEUR. .113 

moft of our nobiKty are troubled with corns.— I 
was completely grounded in politics by j^op* 
-ping at fTempli-Bar every morning to read the 
Gazettetr, which ufed to be ituck up there to the 
great emolument of the hackney-coachmen upon 
their (lands. But above all, I have acquired the 
moft fublime notbns of religion, by liftening at- 
tentively to the fpirited harangues of our moft 
eminent field - preachers : and I confefs myfelf 
highly , obliged to the itinerant mifBonaries of 
lyhitefitldi fViJky^ and Zinzendorfy who have in* 
/Iruded us in the N^w Light from empty barrels 
^nd joiht-ftoc^s. Nexttothefe, [ have received 
^r^at improvements from the vociferous tietailcr$ 
of poetry ; as I coriftantly ufed to thruft itiyftlf 
into the circle gathered round them,, and liften to 
their ditties, 'till I could carry away both the words 
and the tune. I have IHcewife got fome notion 
of the drama by attending the theatres ; ^though 
my finances were too fcanty for me ever to gfet 
admittance even among the Gods in the upper 
regions of the twelve-penny gallery. I thcrcfom 
had recourfe to the following practice: I would 
contrive to hear one z&, at the outfide of one pf 
the pit doors: the next aft I took my.ftand at tb« 
other: and as the author generally rifes in the 
middle, I could catch the moft tearing parts dur- 
ing the third a£l in the paiTage to the two-ibilling 

gallery ; 

114 Vm connoisseur. N^.86, 
gallery : in (he fourth 9& the rants came tdaahly 
\wA to ttiy earat the endraoce of the upper gal^ 
kry I and I very attentively liflened to the pa*- 
thctic, at the condufion of the {^, whh the 
lootmen wt the lobby. 

£i9DOWfe]i' with (o much featnktg^ you wiH 
douhtlefi^ be curioM« to know te* what purpofes 
1 have turned it. * Almoft before t could read at 
ail, I got imo the ferviee of a very eminent 
dofior ^f phyfidt, who^emfdoycd me in (ticking 
up hii^biili, and flipping them fltlf into the haiMHi 
^(i)ifidle^^nkedyoungfeHow8,aethey pafibd bf* 
Afbr thity \ff cldfthf ftudying ^efe elegant com^ 
poTitlcAaj I got together a fuffidentfetof mediesd 
phmfet) whiob (by (he help of 2?«yAy*5 difHenafy'} 
enabled me to draw up bills and affidavits for 
Aofe doAors, who were not fo happy as to be 
able to write or read. I was next promoted t% 
die garret of a printer of bloody murders, whene 
my bufinefi was to invent terrible fiones, write 
Yorkflwi tragedies^ and occafionajlyr to poC the 
ordinary of NtwfftU^^ Account of Dying Speeches 
into lamenrabie rhyme. I was afcerwaids coiv- 
terned in works that required a greater fund of 
erudition^ fuch as bog^hou^e mrftietlaniesy and 
little books for children : and I was once engaged 
e$ the principal compiler of g three«bal^penn5r 


N^86. 7^ CONNOlSSEtTR. 115 

magas&ine* Since that I followed the occapatiott 
df an Eve8-droppcr> or coUcftor of News for 
the daily pi^pers ; in which I turned a good penny 
by hunting afbr marriages and deat^, and in- 
venting lies (at the day. Once, ind«d, being 
out of other bulineft^ I defi^nded to the mean 
office of ft bailad^finger, and hawked my owit 
verfefl i but not having a good ear for nnific, and 
Ae tone of my -voice being rather indirted t<J 
Whiningr I donvtrted my ballads into penitential 
hymns, and took up the vocation of Methodiff 
Preacher. In this ftation I made new converts 
every day among the old women by my fighs and 
groans, who in return contributed their half- 
pence, which I difpofcd of in- charity to myfclf J 
but I w&s at laft beat off the field by a journey- 
man ihoe-maker, who fairly out-whined me; 
and finding myfelf deferted by my ufual audience, 
I became Setter to a Flee^Par(bn. 

Mv employment now was to take my ftand 
at the end of Fket-Market^ and whenever I faw 
any gaping young couple flaring Saibout them, 
to whifper them foftjy in the ear, and afk theni 
whether they wanted to be married. Whenever 
the ceremony was performed, I officiated zi 
clerk and father to \give, away the bride : and 
when my mafter the doftor died, I made a fhift 


Ii6 7ir CONNOISSEUR. N«>.86. 

to purcbafe bis entire ftbck ib trade, (confifling 
of a ruAy caflbck, an old grizzle wig» and one 
lappet of a band) and fucceeded him in his 
benefice of the Handand-Pen Chapel. I now 
got a more comfortable fubfiftance than many 
regularly . ordained curates in the country: but 
the Marriage* A£l foon after taking place, I was 
flung out of employ } and as the primate of 
May Fair^ the reverend Dr. Kiitb^ is forced to 
fell fnuff in the Fleet-pri(bn, I have been obliged 
to retail gin in a night-cellar. 

Thus, Mr. Town, have I fet before you the 
progrefs I have made in literature, as well as the 
particular circumftances of my life, in hopes they 
will induce you to recommend me to the notice 
of the public. As the parliament has not thought 
fit to make any provifion for the poor diftrcft 
Clergy of the Fleet, I intend to open a New 
Oratory-Chapel in FUet-MarkeU to be conduced 
on the fame principles with, that cftablifhed in 
Clare-Market \ and for which I flatter myfelf, I 
fliall appear no lefs qualified by my education, 
than the renowned Henley^ or any of his butchers. 
I fhall^ therefore, beg leave to fubfcribe myfelff 
hoping for your countenance and protedion, 

Your very humble fervant, 
, T Orator Higgiks. 

N". 87. 7J#CONNOISSEtJR. '1,7 

Numb. LXXXVIf. Thurfday, Sept. 25, 1755. 

Quid dignum tanto tibi ventre guJaque precabor ? 


Sa wide a /wallow^ and fo vaft a paunchy 
Say whatjhall cram ? a iurboi or an haunch ? • 

EATING and drinking being abfolutely 
requifite to keep our crazy frames toge- 
ther, we are obliged to attend to the calls of 
nature, and fatisfy the regular cravings of the 
appetite : though it is, in ^trutb, but a vtxy fmajl 
part of the world, that eat becaufe they are hun- 
gryi or drink becaufe they arc dry. The com- 
mon day-labourer may, indeed, be glad to fnatch 
an hafty meal with his wife and children, that he 
may have ftrength to return to l)is work j and the 
porter finds it neceflary to refrefh himfelf with a 
full pot of entire butt, while he refts his load 
upon the bulk at the ale-houfe door. But thofe 
who have more leifure to ftudy what they ihall 
eat and drink, require fomething more in their 
food, than what is barely wholfome or neceflary j 
their palates muft be gratified with rich fauces 
and high-feafoned delicacies ; and they frequently 
have recourfe to whetters and provocatives, to 


ii« T& CONNOISSEUR. N^ 87. 

anticipate the call of hunger, and to enable their 
ftomachs to bear the load they ky on it. These 
are a ibct of men, wbofe chief pride is a good 
tafte (at they call it) and a great ftomach : and 
the whole bufinefs of their lives is included in 
•their breakfaft, dinner and fupper. Thefe people , 
of whatever rank and denomination, whether they 
regale on turtle, or devour iboulders of mutton 
and peck-loaves for wagers, whether a duke at 
fntki\ or a chairman at the Blm^P$ftsj are 
certainly of the number of thofey ^< whom na« 
*^ tuie, (as SnUuft tells us) has made like the 
^* brutes, obedient to their bellies ;" and, indeed, 
partake in fome meafure of the fentence pailed 
on the Serpcpt, *« to be curfed above all cattle, 
** and to go for ever on their bellies," 

There are many vices and follies, wbich 
men endeavour to hide from the reft of the world : 
ibut this, above all others, they take a pride in 
proclaiming : and feem to run about with the csp 
and bells, as if they were ambitious to be ranked 
among the fons of Folly* Indeed, as the polite* 
nefs of the FrtnA language has diftingullhed every 
^atton by the title of Bon Vivant^ and the cour- 
icfy of our own has honoured their beaftly glut- 
tony by the name of Good Livingy the epicure 
thinks to eat and drink himfelf into your good 


N\87. ?»^ CONNOISSEUR. 119 

opinion, and recommend faimfeTf to your eftqen^ 
by an exqaifite bill of fare* However this mzy 
be, it is remarkable, that as the fox-hiinter takes 
delight in relating the incidents pi the qhace, and 
kills the fox again o^er a bowl of punch at nighti 
fo the B^n Fhant enjoys giving an accouht df t 
delicious dinner, and chews the cud of refle£lioii 
on his exquifite entertainment* 

I HAVE been kd into thefc thoughts %y an 

acquaintance, which I have lately made with a 

pcrfon, whofe whole convcrlUtion is, literally 

fpeaking, TMe-Talh His brain feems to be 

ftuffed with an hodge-podge of ideas, confifting 

of feveral difbes, which he is perpetually fcrv- 

ing up for the entertainment of the company* 

As it was faid of Longinus^ that he was a Walking 

Library, in the fame manner I confid^r this gen* 

tieman as a Walking Larder ; and as the orations 

of Demojihenes were faid to fmell of the lamp, fo 

my friend's whole converfation favours of the 

kitchen. He even makes ufe of his ftomach as 

an artificial memory : and recoHeds every place 

be has been at, and every perfon he has feen, by 

fomt circutnftances tebting to the entertainment 

he met with. If he calls to mind a particular 

inn, he adds, '« for there the cook fpoiled a 

" fine turbot.*' Another houfe is recolledlcd, 

« bccaufc 

yao 7i# CONNOISSEUR. N^8^ 
u be<;aure the parfon took all the fat of the 
<* haunch of venifoo :" he remembers a gentle- 
man you mention, '< becaufe he had the fmalleft 
" ftomach he acver knew ;** or one lady, " bc- 
** caufe (be drank a great deal of wine at fup- 
«* per ;" and another " becaufe (he had the beft 
** receipt for making her pickled cucumbers 
«♦ look green/' 

His paffion fbr eating alfo influences all his 
adions, diverfions, and ftudies. He is fond of 
hare*hunting, as he fays, his perfuit is animated 
by the hopes of feeing pufs fmoking on the table : 
but he wonders how any man can venture his 
neck in a chace after a fox, which, when it is 
got, is not worth eating. He has had occafion, 
on account of the diforders which his ruling paffion 
has brought upon him, to vifit the feveral Wells 
in the kingdom : but thefe he confiders, not as 
places where perfons go to drink the waters, but 
where they go to eat ; and in this light he gives 
a charafler of them all, <« Bath^ fays. he, is 
♦* one of the beft markets in the world ; at Tun- 
** bridge you have fine mutton, and moft exqui- 
*^ lite wheat-ears : but at Cheltenham^ pox take 
" the place, you have nothing but cow-beef, 
«< red veal, and white bacon." He looks upon 
every part of England in the fame light ; and 


vould AS ibon go to Chejk^t for bucfei^' and^ 
Sft^lft for cheeft^ as mHs eatmgf what ^b plf • 
ticuhtr Kwvn or eoumyistft^ho&sfbrfaavlng^^tile^ 
moft excelient in it '9 liiM. - He do^ ni^ griidge' 
tor ride twenty mtles to dine to t favourfte difii : 
and it viras biit laflr vi^^kV tbsil' hk a^polhtdd a' 
friend in BudAnghamJhirt \o meet hiitf at Vxhtidge^ 
« whldf (fay$ he in his letter) is th<^'Wft place] 
••wc^canftttlc ^uf bufineft at, orr s^coitnt of 
H .tbofe excellent nilir we mfii^ hav^ (dr^itt^lifeft,* 
«< and the: d^idousiarout W« iBtte Mt^Mxst' 
«*'al dinner.?'. • '-'-^ •- " • "^'''^ ■ ^^ 

Ma. QfomJuM^ for that is bis nailief» it fa tmv 
fortua^ 85 to want a purfe adtfquate to^bis^tafle^* 
fd that heJs.ol^K^ tO' bate* ittoQift to ibVertIi 
artifices^ to gratify h|s appetite. ^P^ tftii par-- 
poib; be. has) with great. f(tii9isi<dl|flikut:e#^^a^ 
CkiWiOfinfifliiig ofi perlbiis moft Idteijr t^ pimibte 
Q^ Living. . .This fociety: i^compofed itf lil^tn* 
bersv who a^ alli x>f. fpme Jtrade tb^Q eai^ fur-' 
fiifii it with 4>coMi(iona^exc^lA Md eotihfiy fi^i(^,' 
who fappUes it with gaiiie ^^ahd ttfey^W^ ^U%^9^ 
tp'fend iti tbelbrft ipf. wbatrarer ^tbi^hm^^detlt 
in^ atpripne. eoft: bj^ whith. wife^matiage^nV 
thb^Ckfb isffiipplied^withjcfverydelrsacy the ft^n 
afibrdsii at the tnoll reafomUetraMi. ^*\A^43Nim* 
tvillj on account of his cxtraordbwipy jjtofeJiendy 

.Vox. in. G in 

12^ fiiCC^^iiqiSSEpSi, N-.ft;. 

ip ;hc,SqfU^c« pf.EatiQ, is bonoured with ibe 
o^^eQ/f^cfpettt^iC^r^^iaffdhtrhtft arrived ta 
rjii^h* ^ Qitcll 9f^aqqucacgr^in^ c^lci^atiM of,itlialb 
is/uifidoR^ Ibat ht fcMVUto gage theifann^toi 
orfihe'j^li^^ an an «|iGi(eauMidoi^ acaflCi: fa 
diat^ ^1^ all tb^.m^ailH^»*are: prcfent, th^ 
(eldqni.iencl awajr tluec ounces of motet fnNn t))e 
taBlc^ ^'U|>Qp aqy vacaqcjr- mMcb c^«e and deli-' 
^raupA ia u(|^ ia lekidiiig; aiOew^tnember^ A- 
ca y dij ^ a^9 > ^jyciiig.fil^p^. it^ idonmra itiiole iufke^' 
wit|\;af)ue$|i^ ^ipportbaipf^jcslu^ cattAne 
haunch of venifon with the fat of anbtlinriaft fance 
to it, would be no recommendation : on the con*^j^iieiiieiiiwas,mods catitiootQfedj at die 
^^eatfiiof ^ Pdpa»'tO(el«5l i| ftiooefibrivkaapfDesiv: 
the, m^tk JilCri|t toi h0>.fliQn'lrifed,,<thaa byr ^bist 
SojQii^j^lpf ISfktfrm9i liqgs, ^ zimh sotodjr^ ofnai; 
fioovKbt fipmor^todieir.oi^n.r /A CaptaM qfua; 
fb§Pf|caf}ij)g Hhftkififffi-^i/tdks- basgbcehrarin^tjdd. 
aj^rbofiora^y tnembeiv haviiig cohtratf^^toAbkmg' 
oyer^ ^S',a pr^m tothemiyatcai^o offturdcfeveiy 

{fodigji9t|3}highif(iirits^ «4hb^ faeitold md^i^fohe/ 
V^itl«|J|gppi^ maaisiai the il^ldfi. rfiP a^onw^ 
?a:%A.iMi|inve ifliaUUsM (^toltto» avrpiqnty ^t 
VuJMgPQ^ ^ iullbtwaavbut} jivftenJ^yjOiait (nae^^j 
^^Ifiydedk kI/^io jSNaifoci^ one T^tnimlFiimdfniimi: 
^^,\Bir4^,A^€t(ehfi^ihm^,.i^ 21:. i. f^^ioju n:> /♦•. 
-' ' .111 fFUis 

TWtd dflti^kktiae iit yt /e t *i i* r iifc i Y of efegaitlt ^ 
fare gvdiufiieii mf\fiMii'Cmii(k^ at a* 

cheap rate : and that he may make as many good 

htetMt^WtfciftlfMrii^p^rfiJnJW^^ Thtt* 

Kauf fmir9(hfe <ff(elMls^ ki %mit^pij¥oi S^ntetjk^' 
/Wf»'jt wWchTeMOftr f&iU fd {irckitire Mfife afn invt- ' 
tairon m dinmr.' Ai ^i/^y^1% (Wta^ llillily, 
.as if.ib* hfe4'1cfeptiiLl^/»,^^if^ wftrt^ridt t8'rtlaWa[ • 
dimWf^gilif'^'^td^thlgk^ ^'Hdii^^fbfR4s4lW* 
fa»Heft'<iM«*iiiAnt(^^fe^' RihVt'WdH^bTo ese^^'^ 
ccfdUm^ giobd ; idtibth^ %6ks' fe feifij[>tibg V'^ ' 
other 'Mts'gvikt txAV^ ^'^ifid tbbii'gWh^ da:lk>es ^ 
htf^iiiot tctochaMt^thortih^»w^itekeflilftt!o ' 
fiiM iVAmtb* thh ^»thiit 8ain»y,^btfca6fe fie nicver ' 
tailed it in%b litd WhcitWjf he gWi,^*^^^^^^ '^ 
tatei c^r^ td ffietire to THilfrfcif the-bift^ffikre 6f * 
every ti\^i <iflh, v*9tlK)irt' tBe* Mft^ rtfg^ff i4> ili^ '* 
reft of ^ kkm^rv) ? he Vi^ill^ h^lp l^nttfi^ fo " 
a whole bird, thdugh-tAer^ i<re' hit'W krtu^^;" 
and for fear any tid-bit fhould be fnapoed 
up before him, he fnatches at it as greedily as 
an hungry Frenchman at an ordinary. It once 
happened, that dining with an Alderman his ap* 
petite fo far got the better of his good breeding, 
that he fliaved off all the outfide of a plumb- 
G 2 puddings 

i;#. 7** CONNOISSEUR. N«. 87, 

puddtog ; ftUd be lus ever Ance been talked of 
in the city by the name of StdnpuMng. 

. As ajl^ his jpy and mjkry conftantljr arile$ from 
his Ifelly,, be t|iin)cs^ it b tbe lame witiiatherat 
and I heard him aik, f perfect ft ranger to him* 
who complaiojcd that.he w^i.fick, *< whether he 
^* bad over-eat himfclf.-' It j^. no wottder that 
Cramwill (hould be fometimes troubled with the 
goat : I called upon him th^ other inoming, and 
found him with his legs ^impped up in flannel, 
and a book lying open before hi|n uppn the table. . 
Oaaflcji^ him what he was reading, he told mc 
he, was taking ph^k\ and on enquiring whofe 
advice he had, <« Oh, fays he, nobody can do -me 
<^ (b much good z% Mrs, Hannah Glojffi, I am 
** here going through a courie of her yA:^ ^ 
*< Cookery^ in hopei^ to ge^ a flomach ; for indeed, 
** my dear fnend, (fiddcd . he, with tears in hjs 
^« eye$)myapperita<is^uitegone^: a^lamfure 
*^ .1 (ball die, if i do not find fometbing in this 
«« book, which I think I can eat." 


N\88. n* CONNOISSEUR. 125 

NyMB. LXXXVIII. Thafi^yOatbtr 2, 1755. 

*-*> 1— Fuit baud rgnobUis Argis, 
Qui fe crcdcbat miros aodire tragoedos, 
■^ In vacuo fetus feflbrpUuforque theatra. 
•' fliciibi cognatorum opibus curlfque refeflus 
Expulh hcthrbofo morbum bilemque meraco, 
, £t redit ad fefe ; •— Pol me occidiftis, amici) 
Non ferv^is, ait \ Cui fic extorta voluptat , 
£1 demptus per vim mentis gratiffimui error. 


J mghi tieri ivas^ ^ifi mad Sfimpir^i brain - 

Cbrtvifdbim gv*ry night U Drury-Lahe ; 
^ t^bc^d dn^trmijf^idmtl/ idtal fit 

' Natv ta hit wits iyj^e Monro rip^r^d^ 

JIf9 tbanhf hut curfis m hit Jrinids befour^d* . 

Te ]fools!;(he a-iejj thf dear delu/hn loji^ 
" ' ^ypieafutefiedy you*Vf cur^d me io my cojt : 

Siiz*3 with fuch 'whims'^ with pbrifizy fi iRverting^ 

Cruet f to clofe the fcind^ and drop the curtain, \ 

HORACE, m the paflage quoted at the 
htzi of m^ paper, tells us (after Jrijictli) 
of a man,Wio bfed to fit in the empty 'thcat^, 
' and^ fancy that he few x€A exhibftions onf the 


126 Tbi CONNOISSEUR. >l*.j8«. 

ftage. We have the like account, in another 
■ ancient aut h ory ef a per f e n t hat tiferf to wait wit h 
great feincitade tbc coming' df fhips intlbthfe liar- 
bour, bcficving thcnf to be his own property. 
The end of tbeie madmfrn ]vas alfo '^nular i ibey 
were both cured ; and both tu>mpla$^d, tkfit they 
were deprived of the jfafiis^i^ioni yrh^h tbty be* 
fore enjoyed from a pl^afiQ^ error of their mipis. 

. That. t|K hiippinefs and mifery of .tba far 
greater part af>mflMktiid depends upoti Iti^ fMicy, 
need not be infifted on : Crtde fuodhahd^ it hktes ; 
Think that jou ^aura, and ^u< hive, U ft ihixim 
not confined to thofe only within the walls of 
Bidiam^ I rcwonber a^Jii^^jf^i^qi)^ fV^Q ^ould 
frequently divert blmfdf |^ tj[)(3,j^^^ iqq^nc^jr^ith 
the madmpn above niepjji^n^i^^ hts 

real wants by the force OJF j^i? im^g|^tjij9^x He 
would go round the ma|;kip^ ^n4 ,^];{Ki&.J^i>n* 
felfto be cheapening the m^^ ^^^nQj; ^ij^^^^ns ; 
and when he came hom^tp his .^c^n^ °^^?V ^y 
the fame Ideal contrivance tie ,wpuld .coQveit hf3 
trotters into turbot, and his fmali beei[ in,t9 the 
' tnoA delicious Burgundy. A? be was a barber 
by trade/he wou^d put on the air and manners of 
, his. C^QWtSfn^ vri)Ue4iie qoopbed otit ^etr i;vi|s : 
, with ,^cry bag he wpuld.cpry^ije Wmfeir^ojg 
to cQi^rlpr ;yi .aflctnb^ i,and pnce^ yvhcn hf w^s 
$clf„ jic got tpgpther tbricp or foqr pf ^be larg^ft 


tjfies, ^aced fkxni upon diodes totmdhis bed'ftde^ 
tnd caAed ^em a coniulmiQit «f phjrfkiaois. 

But of all others, thtre are notie perSaps^ 

whp arc more obligefl to the hmgiriatlon fdr tlieir 

lAeal happihefs, than the Eternity of ^Ich t am 

an trnwtoitby member. THett h no fet of -people, 

Wio are ihore afftihitioirt tb' appear grand in the 

world, aild yet have lefi iheans, than thbfe gen- 

dtmen whom the world has ftSed Authors. V^^ 

and pride as often go 6and ill hand together^^as 

wit and poverty r but though the generality of 

writers are by the frowns of fortune debarred^rpih 

^dOeffing a profcrfe^are bfthis good thhigs of 

dns'^rid, they are abundantljif recbnipeided by 

cr5o3^ng ifiein in fpecuhtioii. "Thfey liidufg^'tn 

g(4t]^a>dt^Ktm$, at the timie^iiat tficfy'Wve' rtpt 

fixpence in their pockets j and conjure up all the 

luxuries of Pontac*s before them, though they are 

at A lofs perhaps ^)\fft€ to get a dinner. Tlius 

a -Critic by a Mnd or magic wlH trarirport him* 

fcflf to the theatres in an Imaginary chariot, and 

be' featcd at once id the front- Boxes' j When ^ in 

reality he has waited for two hours Id '^^^^r- 

Tard before the opening of tbc doors, to fecurc 

to himfelf a corner in. the twcl ve- penny galt^y. 

Hence it alfo happens to moft Authors/ ti^^ 

though their way of life be ever fo mean, their* 

' . G 4 writinq-s 

128 7J^ CONNOISSEUR. N^. 88. 

writings favour of the mpft unbounded tnagnf* 
ncence ; and as they have nothing to beftow^ 9 
moft furprifing generofity always accompanies 
every a£)ion of the quili. A Novellift, for ex* 
ample^ is remarkably lavifli of his cafli on all 
occafions ^ and fpares no expences in carrying oil 
the de(|gns of his perfonages through ever fo many 
Volumes, ^othing, indeed, is more eafy than 
to be very profufe upon .paper : An author, when 
be if about it, may ere£l his airy caftles to what 
l^^ight be pleafes, ftnd with the wave of his pen 
may con^mand the mines of Pnu : and as he deals 
a^ut his money without once untying his purfir* 
firings, it will coft him the iame whether he 
throws away a mite or a million; and another 
dip of ink, by the addition of two or three gratis^ 
cyphers, may in an inftant convert a fingle ten, 
into as niany thoufands. 

6|UT it mud be confefled, that we Eflay- 
writers, as we are the greateift Egotifts, are con* 
%^uently moft vain and oftentatious. As we 
frequently find occasion to prate about ourfe]ves» 
wc take abundant care to put the reader conftantly 
in mind of our importance. It is very well known, 
that we keep the bcft company, are prefent at the 
mgA €xpcnfivc places of divcrfion, and can taik^ 
a* familiarly q{ frhiu*$j as if we had been ad-, 


N^88. The CONNOISSEUR. i;2^ 

mitted te the honour of lofing an cftate therei 
Though the neccflaries as well as the luxuries of 
life may perhaps be denied us, we. readily nuke 
up f6r the want of them by the citattve power of 
the imagination. Thus^ ^ for inftance, I rcmeiiu* 
ber a brather Efiayift', who Cook a pi^rticillar pride 
in dating his lui^ubrations. From ntf Mn Apart* 
ment\ which tie reprefented as abounding with 
e%rery convenience : thoi^h at the iame time he 
was working three ftortes from the ground^ aiid 
#^Sc'^ften forced, for want oC^other paper, to 
f(?ribble upon Wrappers of tobaed^; Aseo myfelf} 
]-i^ake no doubt blit the reader has long ago di#i 
covered Without my telliiig him^ that 1 loll at 
my eafe in a crimfon velvet chair, reft my dl*^. 
on the poliflied furface of a mahogany tabl^j 
write my elTays upon gilt paper, and dip my pea 
into a filver ftandifli. :,: /i 

*■ '' ■ ' . . ",: •- 'K. 1 • .. 'w . t 

" Indeed, though I have takeh'upoh ntc the 
title of Connoisseur, I (hall not preAime to 
boaft, that I am poflefled x)f a Mufaeum, Jike 
Slome\ or a Library equal to Mead^s, But' as 
Piiny^\tiA after him our countryman Mr. Popei 
have left us a tdcfcriptfenol their elegti^it ViUmi 
1 hope it Will not be 'thought arrogance in me^ 
after what 1 liave £iid, if I fet before the reader 
a?n account of my own Study. This is a' Ittrfe 
G S edifice 

#30 W^.COKNQS-SIB^URi Nn 88. 

edifide ikuaie^atibaie diftance from the scftof the 
houle, for IheYake of privacy mi rrtiroimif. It 
kan ancient, pib pf buildings ai)^ bang^over 9 
fintU rividot^. fg^M tbe .frnmace inix^ k h (btded 
by a thic^JndgQ of e^rgreeiu^ which c^ a 
Und of. a«f«l(gkK3iiij|LWi ir» fivnr Ifarofirf Ami* 
quarians havfibomlei). to coi^edure^ Ih^t k :wa9 
formeriy.a Teinple» or rad»ar Chapel of Ea(e, 
dedicated to one of the heathen GoddefifS* Thia 
Goddeft, dicy tefona me» 4Rraf wQrfbipped i>y tb^ 
Mtfiffomf, fnd w^ prohaMy Mdjn no l^iirenef:^? 
(ion l^ dio Ss^iims^ CbaUnh SyirJmh and.oiher 
nationa. Howeyertbjs be» thf vif4)r oq th$ in6d^ 
are decorated with various inicriptiom^pUqding to 
tba reUgioua rjties perfprmad ther?, ^n^hung 
lound with the rqde rbytnc$ pf a^i^t t>ardf(. 

To this Study I retire, coiaftaotly! every 

morning after breakfaft, and at other parts of the 
cjfiy, aww^ipni^M* H^rc I zn^ ^ libf ijty to in- 
dulge n^y fneditations unioterrupt^d^ ^ I fuffer 
no one j^o hc^;^ ^ upon my privacy; and (what 
^11 perhaps fi?i^rifip my j^a^Jers, I :fip4 in myfilf 
the gr?«^ i/i^ip^tion^oyifi^ i?. a^jfi^ a^,h(e;3ji[tK 
i^^U :In ttfi? pilVce I ni^a y^iff fzpi^ progirefn 
iiii Jiiteratwr^, aM iwveg^e ihf^Hgh j^v^al vwjf 
learoed vplyww wjbiqh .vtherwifc I fli9^;neYcr 
1^^, lpoke4 ipto. I bav« h^re ]lj2[ay ^L^c[ leaf by 

' leaf 

N\8«. 7^#CONN6fSS'EUR. 131 

I^aCjhrough .the works of «aay wo i thy, but 
neglefbd, ancient divines, erhics, i^ d 'ftbtiti ^ 
cians; and have turne?" over many a modern 
pamphlet or poem with equal fatiaft^ioti.^^^Tmift 
not forget t6. mention , that (Ulte the fcrii palp us 
MabonUtHns) X have often picked up the fragments 
of feveral learned writers, which have come^ftpm 
the ch^dlers, and lodged them ,303 ong pthf^e ^no 
left valuable, in my Study. 

I MAY fafeljr boftft^ tbat^^^I iio^iinlAebtdd foe 
many of my , bdft thoughts ill tte^otfffr tfrthefc 
papers, to the iJeftcfifonyi ha^&^^hiM tlkbtk^i^re to 
make in this 9tudv.;^ wWcth^ probably' t?S the 
fame influence on niy imAd^^as tbeAe>^'^ (prunes 
had upon Btges^ which he tells us, he always tpgk 
li^n he y^rote. But if my Study ferves t<H[i| 
^ri^e "line f6Wtimes with agreeable ideas, it never 
fails oh' the oAier hand to remind me of tHeipor- 
filfty i^ 'lifriVcTS i as it affords rcpeafed p/^^^-V 
ftlt We maj^ juft)y fiy of our woflcs, as welt a^ 
of ourfelyi^, .. -, ^^ 

^^'$^i» imi citius &dW properamu^' id unanx. * 

^ O hipentalk ,charu^! to- Qt^t sijle^^^^, i i^,.] ^ 

T ' " ' 

G 6 Numb. 

131 Tbe QONNQISSE,UJt. N«.89. 

H >l y ■ > 1 . n i i> | M ■ I ■■ I . I II 11 I I 

N,I/M'Bi LXXXIX. Tburjday^ O^iaher ^^ 1755* 

"' Ebgctc, p' Veneres Cupidincffjue, . 
^ Bt'qulntiiiti e(^ hprninum Venuftiorum ! • 
' Fa%r tnbrtuits eft meac puella^ j 
''Piffif delfciae dite puclIaR}. 
Qyem plus ilia oculis fuis amabat. Catui^ 

fyinp9 yi biOiSj yi beaux depl9r€ ! 
Pntty^ frthy ?iAVs n6\m»re r 

Pretty Poll, uhm fl)e Jid buej i i * . 
, *Bave her ejes^ Kjt far^ abwe. 


I OING the other day, to vifit Mrs. Fenehpef 
r D^atj after t had waited (orDe Xmt in the 
parlour, the maid rctorned with b^er miftrefs's 
compliments, and in^ofmed me, tha^ as fl^c.waa 
extremely buf^, flie begged to be excufeij jcpmjpg 
down to me, but that fhe Would be very^^jlad ^ 
fee me in the Nurfery. As I knew fhe was a 
maiden lady, I was a good deal ft^n^ed-jfttjjfehc 
meflkge: but however* I followed the fervant 
up fiairs to her miftrefs ; whom J found coi^l^ing 
a little fpotted dog that lay iil her lap, with a grey- 
parrot perched bnbW afih of the fettee where fbc 


N*.8f. fj^ CONNOISSEUR. 133 

fat, a monkey on the back, and a tabby cat with 
half a dozen kittens on the other corner of it. 
The whole room, which, was a very laigeone, 
was indeed a Nurfery for all kiBd9'pf tawaald*, 
except thofe of the hum^ (J^^ciesv It was hang 
every where wjtb cages, containiflg parrotr, 
packaws, Can^ birdsr nighdogalcs, Knfiletr,x 
.and goldfinc^s i on the chairs ^were fevecal cats 
repofing on foft cufiiiom; and there were little 
kennels jn the Chinefi tzSifSi^ in aimoft eveiy cor« 
oef of the noom, ^Ue^ with t>ug9, FMos, iaad 
^ing CharUs^p breod^ iV^ &oi| at thc:cbalteing 
of the birds, the barking pf ,itb^ dogs, and dM 
mewing of the cats, which my entrance occa* 
fioned, began to ceafe, — *' You find me here, Sir^ 
•* faid the lady, tending my little family, the only 
" joy of my lift* Here's a dear pretty cre«|ur^ 
^\ (holding up the dog (be was combiing).a 
*^ beauty! what a fine long^eared fiiub-i^oM 
<< beauty ! Lady Fo^/ a^vertifed three qiM^teii 
\^ of a year, and could not get the fellow (O itij 
" Ah, blefs ir, and love it, fWeet foul !'* 
And then (he ftroaked it, and kifled it for tiesri 
two minutes^ uttering the whole; time all thoAt> 
inarticulate founds, whidi cannot be committ^. 
to paper, and which are only addrefied ^o. dog%; 
<^ts, and children^ and may be ftiled the language- 
of the Nurfery. Upon obferving me (mile at th^ 


134 Ilr eON'NOI'SSEtJR. N*. ?9. 

csmbnMes fte Ixflowed an her link motley dar- 
hngr *^ I «m 9fnid (faid fhc) you don't love 
.^ tbefe piWy 0reM«^. * Now can you be fo 
^ oMtf Poor tbi^^tMhgis^M would hot have 
^ them hint (o)t til the world; Nor do I fee 
f* iwiiy a lady ihbuld not indulge herlUf in havrhg 
f* fach fwebc iMe. company ^AK)ut-her, as well 
^* at pou men* run <Htt eftates in keeping a pack 
** of «khy hounds.- Then Die laid Pmp^y oA 
his .c^jAiovf b)r ^the^ fif«-fide ; and railed at* ihe 
haAuixj iftth/t huihatfi ipecies tathe reft of ihe 
fmKkai and emered kko a long dlfiertation t>n 

c An humane difpoficion is' indeed (b amiable, 
deher m man or woman^ that it ought always to 
be chcr^ed and kept alive in^ourtolihi^'i btit at 
the fimie thne we (honldbe cautibtii not' to render 
flie ftrftviitue^of t>ur naturi'ridiculous. The nioft 
•omp^onattf temper niay be i\ifBtietitIy gratified 
hf rtKcvin^ the wretches of otir own fpecies : but 
iirtio' would ever -faoaft of theit geneVolity to ^ 
lip-ddg^ and their conferring eternal obligations 
CRTla Ix^key ;; or would* lany* lady di^ferve to be 
cfclebratcfd for her" charity, wbof flioiild deny fup- 
pdtt to a relatibn of ^ frIendV be<:aufe (he main- 
fBiitt a litter of'fcirtens ? 'Pbr my part, before'.! 
Would treat a Dutch puppy with- fuch abfurd 
c » . ' -3 fondnefs. 

fondaels, I iJDuftbe bffotigbt toworlhipidagSi as 
the MgyfiHfw di^pf oU; .and eoc LwomU fi>ex* 
{ravagantif 4PAt :iifxui at aK»k0y» I wouU <(<§ 
/^A iay« pQ ^.^i$5rait>ocdifidto) ^icai^iuiagendan^ 
*^ bwouo^ycvrWi a baboon.?' X - ^> : fii 
f , n\- ■:. r---: '• •'•^'" '• '•• -* ''*' '"^* 

'¥fiT them' haw boeA Tniariy iftftand^,^W(Hisif 
my female friend, of *^h fondh^ for the* biHittfi 
erejRion bciiig carried to very riftc^Iobi'leiAgth^ 
Tlie graM& doftorsf of tKe faculty ha^ been ^S^ 
intoM^hcpulfcoF a1s^^^,<and'lnrptift thi 
vnneof a'fqtiifrel: nayv I-ito-myfelf iUx}ila!nt^ 
wkh^a fedjr, who cirt-ied ttm maftftr ib'fef; zgrtS 
Aibhai^ her cha^taki^ be^ttiHb H^^^itlfaf^'^W 
bil^ her monkejr. 'But the hioft iBt^ihtr pfdde d^ 
mumaiery on thefe occa&ons b ttM^^rnkkm^pM^ 
vifions for thefe animals by will ; which abfurd 
hgati€xtt.a& litdciddervethe ei|l«4f butti8»%^ as 
tboft^esti^Q marit being %aUe4icii]il|Mblei whii itf 
»jdratA>lfed &igktftacTitheirl^Iaii<m^; by JeaWn^ 
tbdn ftatei tofoiuk) an hofpkai*^ ' It ^^^ere tndeecT 
to be wiifaedf.ithat money left 4n tnift for fitch' 
itfe^ vywrCvAib^efb to 'fome^'fiatiite of Mdripninni 
<lc ^ktlkdft.thstthej^mlemeti of the-'long rbb^ 
VDul<la)Qt«ivefoiiie1bhd^'t<]^eutr.oiF liKe^ entiit 
ftiom i^onkoy^ mackatrii' //a&'<>» grej^4ieiin<b^^ 
and 'tabby, cits; -' '*- - -- ' - ' - * - 

. . ' .'../' "i . . :^ 


136 71rCONWOIS$EUR. li\ 8g. 
' Tif At a ibge coachman {hbuld love his cattle 
bttter iKais his jwife- or ckildrea, or a cotsntry- 
fi|Mire be fond of -bis- boundi and hunters, is not 
liDr*Airpdfing, becanfe the reafbn of their regard for 
them is eafily accodnttd forr tndaiea-captain 
has, upon the (ame principles, been known to 
CQCttoA an affe^on (or hh fl^ip* ^ Yet no roach- 
man would, like Caiigsiia^ tye his horfes to a 
g(i)den rack : bat thinks he {bew$ fufficient kind- 
fc^ by giYJog tl^ema good feed and clean Araw : 
^f^ the cpiuitry 4K>nfinan takes care to proWd<$ 
]^ ^undf wt^ ^^ warni, kennel and horfe->flfiib i 
l^ut ^ wbul^ never think of pacing them» 9^ 
cufhions- beforn the &rea and cramming them wkh 
^IcaflTecfrOf breed tl^m with as much care as the 
4^ taiiiseftate^; 

I., AT ■.;./ ■ '-i - 

^{Tmf i^r<^uUripaffion (if I may fo call it) is 
i)E|pft^fqyemty i# be mei with among the ladiesv 
Gl^)v often \m th^ flighted- gallant envied the ca^*^ 
ffilges given to )i la0*dog, or ki/Ies beftowed on a 
fquirreli and ^M -would I were thy bird!" has> 
1^0(1^ the fond exclamation of many a Rotjm% But 
it is remarkable, ^that this a^edicm for birds and 
t|ej^> generally wears off after marriage, and 'that 
t)^.ladjts difcard their fpur-footed da^rlings and 
feathered favourites, when they caa beftow theirs 
endearments on a hufband. Wherefore, thefe 



^ry nurfet to Pagt 9mi GrimiUons are nio<M]r?tt> 
b^ m^ with among thofefemdet, wtk> have beoi 
. difappoini^l in tbe affairs df !«¥€» and haT^ agabft 
,t)^r ii^Ulretaiiiecl the floorer of virginity^ 'till k 
has witheied in dieir pofleffion. It often happens 
.thgt there is fomc; kind of analogy betweeh the 
gallant t^cy once Iqved) and t^ animal onitphkh 
th^ afterwards fixrjheir alRrdQens: and 1 re* 
meia^ber sfi jnftancfi^ of a lady'i paiBoia ft>r a 
Jawyer being convened into dcnnge on;,a patrol | 
and have an old maiden aiaiiti who otite, Ian* 
fuMhedforjibejiMf .Vhpfe.iMrt is tiowioKOtad 
^toaiwpokcyt ,— \ f- ■ f. /•. ' . ' 

' Bi^T I fliool^ not (b^ much ^titrnA #iA theft 
Ininnne ladiQ^ who ebufe- tef fettle thet^ aflSeaidhS 
oa the briM %iccie8» if their love fbfl thefe-pfiMff 
creatures was not troublefixtie to oth^s'whoare 
not fo fenfible of the charms of a fHub' ticft^ td 
cannot diicover any be^tylt^h& grey e)^ of 'd 
cat A doating mother wbirid rievet K>r|ive f6u} 
if you did hoc call her brat a lihe ' child^ aiid 
dandle it abouv and pratdd with "it, wkbaa^ mucH 
feeming rapture as herfelf : in like manner, K 
lady would take it as an affront to her own peffen| 
if you did not pay your addreffes equally to her 
pug or paroqt^et. I know a young fettow, t^at 
was cut off with a (hilling by aq old maideilaiiqU 


^^ »ff CONNOISSEUR* M^.89. 

«<t>wlhwn Ae.iJiH gwal i fc y wriiu tcei boeadehe 
f^fmrJ^jihkkfOtdy(ar)iUkkg\rpim kg 
iigai9ft>the {^inthMtiJi ^ocl&ig: ^Md I liiim 
paai of wsdiee^/ wlw iwght lu^ camdl off t 
ray rkh widd#, but thtt he i^oiitd ^oc ^vevifl 
«pon himfelf to esdteiid )iit cardSes to lia 
iminoak. lodevd^ I enmoC'help fhbiking, tinrt 
the edbvaces «fid eiidearmint^'beftowedoh ifaefe 
•ivvTi of tWIiuffntufpeci^ (hoddbe as private as 
the«ia(b«fiM«et kMsigtMi ond i wotJdIiaTe hp- 
flogs, Kke Mlful surf fquaUftfg^liiilActtt, ccmfinrt 
00. iMMk «tttd grovrl oiflf in itbe noifery. We 
may often <ee a footman following. Ms. kU^ t^ 
church with a large common-prayer-book under 
9fi^armf ^4 a^j^lif^fwrc^nilff iteoAdr.. IjUfive 

fiy^irf^ my^ i«*ite Ac, whdf eoogrcgsioQ 
km bipv^n raifed from ibeii attend to tkt 
Ij^^lJiyiQf 4 npfHcoufNimog pug: and I once 
j^nf^ % tf^Sf^ OkWAfoHidiftMiM jit his laft m&f 
Vf/f^tB,/^ kc lay i9Kpi(iing an.itheiCMpcl, byia 
4Hi?crf|ipg,C4»tif: rof lung C&iriri*s blacis breed, 
Wbo JU9^ owt of tbe[ftige-box, and iafteatag 
UpoQ ihf hero!$ p^wig, brouglit it ofF m his 
pioutby and Im^ed st in his Jady's lap. 

' It ^rifl nof appeal* Grange, after trhat has 
liid, Chat thefe ladies, or lady-ltfce gcmk^ 


.M ifiW»ir« ttb« bur .atd]taii^]«K>«U{ he fbafitt 

||ffcnidQiquii)^ofit,4!Sdcoia9ciiiiim.*w^ -, 

'• • . .■;; ■:■.;.. i ?..-•-•:. I',;'; ni \tl <.:tili0^t 

Or Gfmuf ^ Jvfve tnkfUft^ki^ -^r, -d I.ic 
ff^theut, dtu p«ns mi j^Satdmf' > ■ .•< 

IF we omfider tbat partof «0r>a««|u«ifltaihc«^ 
•wtiom <liw. roneiaUi; fron^ thck 'infine^F^'wie 
AMlfind, tfutt itba nDpdAttiam.w«:«ne0*Nl«i^ 
,«Hn(i<£ sS tiatit. fntuni abOaUs ar« isf AkM^ 
^ i i;iftances 

iaUMciiB 'itAfpobittii liioit, who were ac^ 
coumcd lM)i1^.dttlI1)oyi;'MiVcby cRligcrice and 
applkidon nUule th€tr #iy to Al^ fMt hbnotirs^ 
Bf|d bcoonie .emkietitibr thefar hnVfring and know*- 
ledge of thd wwU j wMte othtn who Were re- 
garded as bright ladi, ftud iniagined to foKeb 
parts ^fftkl to any fcheith^ of tik^ have torn^ out 
diflblute aiid^ t^noranr ( ahd quttie tmwbithy the 
tide of a^^CSeffiiilt txteptin'the modern accepts^ 
;tioiiof t&e >^oHt|^'by'Whtfcii H fignHtes a very % 
70iing hi\^^ who^ftdim -his extr«yftganc6 and d6* 
lihaticbecy has ^btajoed ide nan* df a OemtM» 
like Akus a mm kan^ becn^ ht had'n6 GtlMUS 
ataU. *: 

It Is I ifllocking rdravlrhaA from % *1kther*s 
Bip'pTriclii wHcnTheTecs his Jori blefled with ftrong 
natui;al partS'siid quidt contepttdn v to reftcjhthat 
theli^wry tnkms may be his ti|iiir Jf vanity once 
•gelJinto his head and gives it a wrong turn, the 
young coxcomb l^iffite^ledrthe' means of im- 
provement, truft entfi*e)y to his tiattvc abilities, 
and be as ridkuloufly proud of Kis parh/ as the 
brats of quality are taught to be of their family* 
In the mean time thofe, whom nature threw %i 
rbehpd'litni, ^^re by Applicatkxi. enabled* to leave 
IMsttt a diftancefiii their turn \ andrlie-bontinudK 
bM^ing; of his^Temin, 'till it fuMifts no bnger, 


but^i^ for vrMt of culd«!tt«Mi; Hiut Vwiky 
aiKl.iiKktl^ic^I>feveiu.hi& iaiprDveiBetir} anf| ifhs* 
i^ ta ff^iip 19 <^b«:wfi|14;)>]r hW.«icrk» itkeM^r 
the ^peanifpf A^efs»{.9«Klrp^r)|a^^ratae biiato 
vtfjr^.4?iifcl^tbte//li^««^* w I; Jtow tine tfitbefe 
cgfly ^^<ir<^ .5*0 <<?«(f iMppiRM.hlsifeir:<b|p: 
writi^ for ftbookftlkr i /ftad.mothci^ ;wM0'if at; 
leifiire.tQ^qQtanpbuf W.9PMriimff. iwti Ja . 
the F>ct-prUb|i, ' 1 , ' 

, . '»\ . ... ■-. 3 j.f \i . -^i!: li >^J«:'.)-i 
If we look imo the #Mdi W^AM fliid th«t' 
tbemi« Geniyt wi» ^lei^ itiift liiiihtiiiieM Of^^ 
degree ofeaiindit^e^khtHit ad^W^«#iffi(W^< 
application to his refpedive bufincfs or profefitoa. 
The Innt of Court are fiiU o( thefe men of parts, 
wJio cafinol bear thp ^ru^gery Qf.^tun^ K^l 
dry Cafes and BLeports ; but, though they appear 
ever? fo elo^M<nt JR; ti^vcf^$,a|Hl CQ$^faj|iMfr|0^ 
the nearcft nsl^w^ fffii^ ^P^.th^minl^y^ Ijtff : 
and many a iprigbtly phyfictan bas<j^a)k^iO|^j$Ht 
all- his life, with no more knowledge ^ ^is.prp- 
feiBon than wl^ lies in hjs periwig, for vfb^- 
ever opiniop^ t;^ tjicnifelyc^ jnjy Ifs^f^ 
own parts, other perfons do not chufe to be ban« 
tered out of .tJii^jf ^^) «r joke^ iOMtij^qClbeir 
lives: and even in tracje, t^t^^UxJ^M^mfn.oft&e 
Alley would foretel tbe bankruptcy of any wit 
among them, who ibpuld , laugh at t)ie labour of 
a . .. n .. > Accounts, 

Aotoant%4>« ddyiftilie'JWIk Mnh<i*>f ffedt^ 

of tto'#ocU^i«l'#iMeydufe»^ \MM^(§r6k 
hf Jbdtf tnd wpplicskion^ JM<fey>'M^t^ 

ptttoqli«gtf^ih^%r^Mrry afpMe^ ma^ ]^ bio^ 

this fubjed, as I would not anticipatle'tb4th6tigbtt 
cootained in the foUowiog elegant little faUei 
wliicht^^ Willteiv^ybllte/ftA^ 

3 jrr^ilM4^»S!;*lift'tetojf itf ifie^ 

^TBaf hcNtr Mi a rtal ftatne ! '^ - ; 
iVitfd of tbefpccibife art>dl2ltibn,*' ' 
TillAi^fodK^have^rffl^iiea Iiuih't^ 

Wb«e'c^^hfe'tnitfWlhdu<^ iiittfati6riV- ^^ 
Hivd)^ tftiipes his •appithtnfloii ; * 
- j/i Sunnountiog 

Suitnountfffig iev^f]^ eppeifitkAt^^ 
You'd fwciir he fckSAit hf 'MxAikHl 
Should he fMe&me' ftldhe bir parti't- ^^ 
And ftiidf 'Ali«ioie>.^ hf^tiMit^ ^ * 
Sure of ftte€eft>(i*«ie^cir' he b^-^ ' " 
Should he forcgty fUfe i6dln« td^i^fo?^^ - ^ 

Su)>pofe '^our' watcK z'Grabiam niiScif**^ [ 
Gold if you will,' for' valiicfajce, / 
It's fpnngs Within in order due. 
No watch, when ^ing,^goe^ fo truf;; 
If ne'er Wouh^^lt) With JiropHe!^ ciie,^ ^ 
What fervice V it in the Vw^car ? 

Some genial fpark of PW«j*f^ . ) - 
Perhaps within our )>ofotx]^^play$<» .^ , , 

how ihe purer rays afpire. 
If Application fans the fy^] 
Wuhout'it Uenius yaimy tn^si'_ ^ 
Howe^r fonjetinie&it fecms^fc lifi^^ 
Nay Application' win prevail*: ' •• ' ^ 
«rt___ « . ^^^x — ^AGeiuift finl. 

3of bwi 

1 here prcftnt y6u*wim ai/ftb^^^ ^ 

ri ic r'j I 

When braggart pxfts and. Genius nhl. 
And now,^ lojav my PW)or pcfore eyc^ 

i»j ;f-^i)f.j|ui •:*!,..; fi . liiT tun v. 

IK*).^ lists LfCV f'-i '1 SlOpJ,^\lL'.1niJ</ T •*)/ *^ 

In dajy? pQdre^ wben Tunc was young» 
. T .. And 


And ufe of rpecch was not c^n'd 

Merely to brutes of human kiad i 

A forward Hare pf fwiftnefs vfMiH d ' i» ^. 

The Genius of the nc^hb'iicig Blajn^t- i . 

Would oft; df ijde the.^rvdging croud > . 

ForGcnirfefarefvcfrBr^jud, , 

His flight, he*d boaft, 'twere vain to follow. 

For borfe and dog, be*d beat them Mlow. 

Nay, if he put forth all bis ftrength, 

Outftripc his brethren M/ a Un^tk, 

' A Tortoile heard 'tis vain oration, 
Wnd vented thus his indignation, 
<< O Puis ! it. bodes thee dire difgrace, 
«« When I defy thee to the rjace. 
«« Come, 'tis a match, — nay no denial, 
•* I lay my (hell upon the trial," 

•Twas done and done,— aJl fair— ?a bjft-^ , 
Judges prq>af*d, and diftance fet. ^ 

The fcampVing Hare outftrip'd the wind, 
The creeping Tortoiffe lag^*d behind,' , , 
And fcarce had pals'd z fihgle pole, 
When Pufs had almoft reach'd the goal. 
«• Friend Tbrtoife, cries the jeering Hare, 
«< Your burthen^s more than you can bear : 
« Tphelpyour fpccd,.it were ^s w^ll 
« That I ibottld cafe you of your fhelK ' 

N^9^. 73# CONNOISSEUR. 145. 

<« Jog on a little fafter prithee, 
•« ril take a nap, and then be with thee." 
So faid, fo done, — and fafely furej 
For fay, what conqueft more fecure ? 
Whene'er he wak'd, (that's all that's in it) 
He could o'ertake him in a minute. 

The Tbrtoife heard the taunting jeer. 
But ftill refolv'd to per/evere ; 
Still drawl'd along, as who fhould fay 
I win, lijce FabiuSy by delay : 
On to 'the goal fecurely crept; * 
While Pufs unknowing foundly flcpt. 

The bets are won, the Hare awake. 
When thus the vi6tor Tortoife fpake : 
*' Pufs, though I own thy quicker parts, 
^* Things are not always won by ftarts : 
** You may deride my awkward pace, 
* ** But flow and ftcady wins thp race." 

Vol.. III. H Numb. 

,i4iS 7:&r CONNOISSEUR. N^.gr. 

Numb. XCI. Thurfday^ QShher 23, 1755. 

Omnia Caftor emit; fie fiet ut oipnia vcndet 


Such Bargains purchased hy his dear^ 
Hir Tq/li at Au^iQns {hewing^ 

liimfelf mujl turn an JuSHmegr^^''^ 
A going, a gdng, a going. 

To Mr. TO /^iV. 

S I R> 

I Am married to i^ woman of the mod notabk 
difpofition, whp values, h^rf(?lfqpon going the 
neareft way to work ia every things and laying 
out her money to 1519x6 adyantage thai^ any^ bgjjy 
clfe. Butiier csconomy i? fo (trangely expeufive, 
and her favings attended with, Ai^h, ridiculous ex- 
travagance, that ihe has almoft undone me by 
her frugality. 

In the firft place, my wife is particularly proud 
of being an excellent Market-woman. She under- 
ftands this bufinefs fo well, it feems, that ihe 
buys every thing better of it's fort, and at a 
cheaper rate, than any other perfon : for which 
reafon (he always undertakes itherfelf, and trudges 


N«.9i- 75^ CONNOISSEUR. 147 

to market with all the notable airs and houfewifcly 
appearance of an old butter- woman. Here fhe 
flatters herfelf, that fhe has the art of beating down 
every thing fo very low, that flie cannot refift the 
temptation of buying fuch extraordinary penny- 
worths ; and after fpending the whole morning at 
Verity different fhops, and four or five different 
markets, (be comes home with provifions enough 
tofupport the firfl duke's family in the kingdom 
for a week. Though the natural confequence of 
thi* houfewifery is, that above half her marketings* 
^ftinfc and grow mufty, before we can ufe them j 
yet fhe is highly delighted with her management, 
and entertains all the good ladies of her acquaint- 
ance with an account of her oeconomy, and the 
complaints of the tradefmen, that there was no 
dealing wkh her, that Qie is too hard for them*, 
and that they (hall be ruined by felling her fuch 

I SHOULD tell you, Sir, that foon after we 
were married, my wife over-perfuaded me to take 
an houfe in the country ; and fhe afTured me, that 
we fiould (ave more than the rent of it, by the 
advantage of breeding our own poultry, nnd 
foedubg our own cattle, for the fupply of oar tible. 
I accordingly hired a little box about t^vetity miles 
from town^ with a piece of ground adjoining to it, 
H 2 ^"^ and 

148 7J# CONNOISSEUR. N^9^ 
and my wife took upon her the whole manage- 
ment of the eftatc ; for the ordering of which fhe 
had coJlefled together, fo many exccllcnb rules, 
that (he was fure to fave Cent, per Cent, in every 
article. The confequence of this was, that our 
chickens, being fed with rye inflead of barley and 
wheat) died of the pip ; our turkies were crammed 
with bran and butter- milk, to fave the expeuce 
of corn, and were mod of them carried off by 
a loofenefs ; our geefe were fattened wM acorns 
inftead of oats, and ivere as poor as their 
plucked brethren in the fens of Lincohjhire, Our 
hogs coft us nothing in a manner for their keeping, 
as they lived upon turnip-parings and cabbagc- 
ftalks, peafe and bean-fhells, fcalded crab-apples, 
and bull's blood and liver ; in confequence of 
which our bacon was rancid, and our pork meazly. 
We had two cows for the ufe of our dairy; but 
the very firft winter, being fed for cheapncis with 
nothing but coUart-leavcs and chopt firaw, they 
gave no milk for half the year, and at laft died of 
the diftemper among the horned cattle. Even our 
poor mare, which ufed to run in the chaife, fared 
no better than a miller's horfe, as fhe was kept 
chiefly. upon bran, and very feldom indulged with 
the luxury of oats and beans ; fo that the poor 
creature, after a journey fomewhat harder than 
ufual, dropt down dead between the fliafb. We 


N*.9r. TJ^ CONNOISSEUR. 149 
had icarce better luck in the management of our 
garden : for though my wife prided herfelf on her 
notable (kill in thefe matters^ our fruit-trees could 
never be brought to bear ; and when cucumbers 
were to be had for a penny a dozen, and peale 
for a groat a peck, we had the pleafure of gather- 
ing them frefh from our own garden^ after they 
had ftood us in more than then times their value i^ 
ihe raifing. . 

Among her other houfewifely accomplilk- 
ments, my wife was poflefTed of the original re- 
ceipts of her grandmother for all forts of Made 
Wines, which nobody could diftingulfh from 
thofe of a foreign growth. She therefore fet about 
nuiking a large quantity of Port and Qare( from 
elder ^berries, and Mountain and Frontiniac from 
raifins and brown fugar : but when thefe had been 
kept to a proper age, and wer^ fit to be drank, 
we had this only confolftiqn, tiiat they: were ti^ 
bed Vi;iegar that could be ufed/or our picM«8. 
Qur 0<Sf^4/r, which (he contrived to treWiiWiith 
as much bran as malt, and mugwort iBileiad of 
hops, grew dead in the cafks, 'before it had fuiS- 
ciently fermented i and when we had bottIe<j it 
off, it burfl abqyc twj^nty dosten of the bottles, 
and the ren>ain4er ^33 ^r. My wife alio bought 
a Still, with it'^ Vi^ok, apparatus, that (he might 
H 3 make 

150 7& CONNOISSEUR. N*. ^r. 

make Pk^ and Hylkmc Wjt«r for ber own 
ufcj arid to give away among her poor neigh* 
bouiB : but at one time the head of the Still flew 
o(F, and laid her under the furgeon's hands for 
tfnee months ; arid at another) it took fire, and 
had like to have burnt ^e boufe down. To this 
account I fliouM likewife fet down the charge of 
our apothecary's ftiop, in preparing ointments for 
fcalds, falves for burns, and other family meoK 
cines ; in all which I know to my coft, the old 
iayif^ was inverted^ and we /^ eleven-pence out 
ofa&illiDg« > 

You muft know. Sir, that (befid^ss htr do- 
meftic oeconomy) my provident dear is a moft 
paiiionate admirer of a Petmyumih in kny (hape ; 
and is one of thoTe prudent good ladies, who will 
purcfaafe any tiling, <rf which they have no need, 
merely becaufe they can have it a Bm-gttin, It 
would be doing ihudi fervice to mahy other poor 
gendetaten as well as to me, if you cbutd convince 
ihtfe thrifty females, that to purchafe ufelefs com- 
modities at any price, can never be good houfe- 
wifery, and that however nearly they may drive 
their bargains, there is juft fo much money flung 
away, as flie piirthafe cofts. We have as much 
linhen by us as would fist «p a piece>br6ker, which 
my wife has purchafed under prime coft of the 


N^9'' 7X^ JCON»OJSSEU-R, 151 
&i/^'^edlar^ thift ealMeloDur door; arxi I am 
(u¥e vveiUve^ •csift off d^Mhs'fcftdeotto furiufh 
ai '«fek-fliop^ whidi ftir4ias boii^ ofUklies maids 
for li mere trifle* ' Shie is a^ frequent cuftomer to 
pretencfed ftiwiggters, that My whifpcr in your 
eir, and offer you riglit /wAj^tendkerchiefs made 
nt'Spkal^iA. Bo* kbove^B, (heboftftantly at- 
tends the feyeral A «<5imist)F the Stock in Trade 
of eminent Tradefmen, that were never heard of, 
and the Hou^ld iCurnitqre, Pla^e, -China, &c- 
of Baronets and Squires, that never exifted but 
in thebrainidftfaerAadlkmep. Hei« {he meets 
witbrfuoh excejllenjt Pemiyw^tki fhat, as my 
pahtry is ffored witn more provilibns than we 
can difponfe widi^ ^evoryOfotoi .jainy. houfe is 
crammed, up wi^h^ufelefs bedf^ tables,, ch^fts of 
drawers, curiofities, peruke- pa'tecl "beaux, and fine 
hdie^ (boau^ie^ of ibeif timesjdiit are good for 
nothing .bOt lo hide; the hnt walls of a garret. 
In fhort. Sir, unlefs you cap. prevail with.her to 
fbVego the wond^rfut aflv^an'tages of njalcipg va^h 
exqtrifite i>Urcha^^,'^^s' (ilhe'l^^ fhe wqrld 

would jump at, I (hall very foon be quite a Beg- 
gar ; f9r^if:fli^;g^Oie9^0n idt ito tztz'iajijfg thwgi 
far nathjmgi »». fee;«:sUls it,: I ihaQ ibirtly have 
not<iing ipl^uy.jWiA^ .".-:: : ^^- ^ i 

H 4 As 

As ibefo valuable purchafes arc daily tnultipty- 
ing upon my haiMb, and as my hovife is become a 
repofitory for the refufe of Saks and Auctions, the 
only method I can think of at prefent to get rid 
bf them, is to make an Audion myfelf. For this 
purpofe I have drawn out a Cfitalogu^; and have 
fent you the followii^ fpecimen, that by it you 
may judge of the reft of my curiofitici^ 


Of the choice and valoable 

EFFECTS of Mr. ♦•♦♦^ 

Leaving off HovsixBXPxiri^^ 

To be SOLD by AUCTION. \ 

In tbt Tirfi Day*s Sab f Among' tfhir Particulars 

A Whole-Sheet Print . of. King Charles on 
Horfeback, by Mr. Heniy^Pyfr^on^, ^cly 
coloured, ' ' ' - . 

Mary Qiieen of Siots^ by the fame Mafter, done 

o ' after the Life, and painted upon^ glafs ; the right 

Kye cracked, and the Noifek )iltlt0 fcr^chedi 

A Capital Picture of jfdam^znd Eve in Crofs-flitch. 

N^9^. TiSi CONNOISSEUR. 1^3 

Noah's Ark, in Tent-ftitch, ' rt*s^ Companioti. 

Fair RofamoncTs Bower, in Nun's Work, by the 
fame hand* 

A lively Reprefentation of Chivy Chaft^ in Lignum 
Vitsei Rofe-Wood, and Mother of Pearl, ca^ 
rioufly inlaidw 

Several lefler pieces of Birds, Beafts^ Fruits, and 
Flowers, copied from Nature in coloured Silks, 
ftained Feathers, and painted Straw* 

MerUn\ Cave, in Shell- Work; compofed of above 
a thoufand beautiful Shells, with a Cafcade of 
Looking' Glafs playing in the middle. ' 

A moft curious Tea-Tabfe qf rare old yapan ; 
with the edge? broke off, and ooe,ef?thc legs 
, .wanting. . -* 

A moft rare and ineftimable Collection of right 
Old China ; confifting of Half a Punch-Bowl, 
Three Parts of a Difli, half a Dozen Plates 
joined together tvith wires drilled • ttiroiigh 
their middles, a Siigaf*diih with a piece biX)ke 
off the fide, a Tea - pot withput a fpout, 
another without an handle, and five odd Cups 
and Saucers, the cracks neatly joined with, 
white painh 

B 5 Some 

154 TZ# CONNOISSEUR. N-.91. 

Some large and elegant Jar$ and Vafea in FapUr 

Several Figures of Dogs, Monkeys, Cats, Parrots, 
Mandarins, and Bramins, of the Cbelfea and 
&w Manyfaaofy* 

?o nnhicb will be added, 
A fmall, but weH-tbofen 


O F 

M O D E R N B O O K S; 


-pOfS^s Works, and iill oiir beft Authors*— 
publiflied in Ink-Stands, Tea-Chefts, and 
Q^iadrille-Boxes for FUhes and Counters. 

Mifi in her Teens— -The Fool in Fafcion— All 
for Love— The Way to win him— She would 
if (he could — Much Ado about Nothing- 
bound together, for the ITfe of the Fair S«x> 
In a complete Set of Dreffing Boxes. 

A new Form of Self-Examination — in, a SnuflT- 
3ox with a Looking-glais in the Lid ef j;t. 


T4ie Spititaid Comfaity ib: Conipanioa' for> tht 
Qc>fet«*Hkia4naH Pocket iViri lime, coota^iing 

^he Poft tumoui Works o^ihe late jLord v ifcounlt 

; I aAi, SivjrourliumMfe SePram,*X!r4 

>- ^ ,' .' .1 . .V 0.;wt^i'. !i-J :>J) . J - .. .'; ..'i 

^ Numb. XCn...%jS>f^t;/^^ ., 

'>';>)')rvii v.'i ■■'.> >j11 !..:t; ^ii*jn^i •* 

^ C>nata>mitetihiGon(iattMariHoi' •— ^ 
Seu tu querelas, five geris jocos, 
Seu rixam, et infanos amores, 
: '^Seftfacilcm, piateftai fimhuhi'i ' * 

,> , ,, » _ , ^ , 
Brijk wine fome hearts injptres wtih gla(^^ 
And makes fime droop in fiber fadneji j 
Makes politicians found to battle^ 
Jnd lovers of , their mi/lrefs' pratite^ ' " ' '/ 
White pith ^^' potations pottle deep"^ 
It lulls the /erioui fit to %ep. ""' '* 

kRINKfrNlG h one cFthcJfii' plbprfar vfa^, 

wh?di*moft people 'itcfcdii'amtm^' their 

venial faiHnigs ; and it is thought no great blot 

on a man*s charafiler, tb fay he takes his glafs 

H 6 rather 

?S6 58/ CONNOISSEUR. H^.:^ 

^rather too frodf. Butat thofe vices are mbft 
dangeroas and liktlj to prevail, wfaieby if not 
approved, are at lead cemmotilf excuied, [ 
have been tempted to examine, whether Drinkr 
ing really dcferyes that , auartsr* it receives fiom 
the generality of mankind : and I muft own^ 
that aftor a fti^ attention to the prindpal mo- 
tives, that induce men to become Hard-Drinkers,, 
as well as to the confequences, which fuch e^- 
eefles produce, I am at* accotmt for 
the received maxim, that ^^ in good wine there 
" is truth ;" and Ihould no more expcft happi- 
nefs in a full bowl, than chaftity in t^^ I^ar of a 
, tavern. 

The in^ntives to this prat^tce. are-fome of> 
them very (hocking, and fome very ridiciilous :. 
as will perhaps appear from the following 

Poor Heartly was bkft with every noble 
qualification of the head and heart, and bade 
fair for the love and admiratidiv of the whole 
world; but was unfortunately bound in a very 
large fum for a friend, who difappearedi and left 
him to the mercy of the law. The -diftrefleSsi 
thus brought upon him by the treachery of 
another, threw him into the deepeft xLefpair $ 


and be bad at i^ recotiife to Drinklhg, t(> be- 
numb (if po^Ue) tbe^ very fonfe of itAe&loA* 
Heisnfiirei^bie^ virben fdher^ and when dmnk, 
Jh^pi£^d and -miMlH: bia misfbrtirnes have 
CG^yt^drl^m oC'2(H tt» joys oif life; and be k 
.^w.f^deav(Hiri<^g wiSuUjr tb'pfit an end to fbem 
bjf a flow pQifoo* .1 rr. ,; > 

Tom Buck, from the firft day that he w^s 
put ifito b*eeehes, w^s aJwayy accounted a boy of 
fpirif ; ahit before he reached the top of Pf^^Jf- 
^/j^^r fdnk>l, kney the nanies and' faces of the 
mok bbleA l^rfeiipon town, toflcd ofr'tiis^ Claret 
with a fnriack, and had a long tick at the tavern. 
Wbehhewent^d Oxford, he efpouftd the Tory 
party, becaufe they drank deepeft; and he. Jias 
for" firme' years* bten accounted a four-bottle 
•ihah^. Itte drank for fame; ^nd h^ fo well 
i^ftablifiied ' Tiis <fharaaer, that he 'was never 
%tto^n tbfebd* a man frOni his chambers fober, 
but generaliv laid his whole company under the 
table. Since his }eaving ' the Univernty, no- 
body ever acquired more reputation by Elec- 
tioneering; -for be can fee out the ftouteft free- 
holder in England. He has, indeed, fwallowed 
many a tun-iir the fenrice of his country i and is 
now it founder patriot by two/bottlfes> than any 
man- in the county. 


Poor Wou'b-BE became a^debailchee through 
IMre balhfiilne&, and « fooliih fd^ ^f mbd^, 
^tl^t hfts made maiqr a man dtiihk in fpit6 6f 
biiB teedii. He contradcd tan «icq«ia{ntaiKe #itli 
A fct of Hard- Drinkers: and ^botkghihe'wobldis 
4bpn ch^ie: to (wallow a^divfe of phyfie, 4ia^'Mt 
courage to refiife his bumper. He is drunlt evciy 
night, and always fick to death the next morning, 
.when he conftantly reiblves to tlrtnk nddiing 
Arpogqr than fmall beer for /the Aitwt ;)7butii|t 
night the poor fellow gets drunJc ag^p through 
downright mpde%. Thus Wpu'i^Pi (ufiw 
himfidf to he prcfled injto^ th^ frrviqj i and finec 
he has commcncc4 a joUy^ fellow, is . befxme 
one of the moft miferable wretches upon eartlu ' 

Honest Nbd'Brimmeu is at pr^fentdi^ n^ 
difmal objeS, that ever fpll a facrlfice^tp IiquQr> 
It was unlickily his firft ambition to pronapJK.wbjtf 
is called Good FeJlowihip. In , this ui^e^ t^ikiog^ 
he has in a very few years • eptirely ruined hi$ 
cbnilitution ; and now (talks, up ^and down in (q 
piteous a condition, as mightf iofpir^ his qoippar 
niohs with mpre melancholy relleii^ons ti^an a^ 
empty'bottle. He h^s jqyk^ loft^ aU^s^p^itej and 
he is now obliged to keep up,at w^akarlj^q^ be^t 
in his body, by the fajue means ,tha,t dcftroycd 
the natural warmth of his conititution. : Rvm, 



Brandy, aod Ufqyeblngtk Br& his dietHlrkiks : 
and he may perhaps linger a few.mofiths^ before 
.lie falls a martyr tQ Good FeUowfiu{i. 

Having thus taken a fliort view of the 
unhappy motives that induce men to. become 
Hard -Drinkers, few pcriiaps will think facH 
reaibns any recommendation to Drunkennefi* 
Nor can I imagine they will grow more fond 
of it, by obferving what ftrange creatures ihcy . 
are during their intoxication. Shakejpeare calls it 
** putting a Devil into their mouths, to ftcal 
^ away their brains :" and^ indeed,- a cup too 
much turns a man the wrocig fide out : and wine, 
at the fame time it takes away the power of ftand^ 
ing from the legs, deprives the mind of all kn^ 
and reflexion. It is whtmfical enough to con* 
fider the diiforent eSeds, which wine produces 
on different tefmpers. Sometimes, like love,' k 
makes a fool fenfibie, and a wife man an iEifsj and 
feems to imbibe a new quality from every different 
body, as water takes a tin£lure from the ground 
it runs through. 

Horace has wkh great pieafimtiy recapitu- 
lated the various effe£b of wine in a ftansa, 
which I have placed at the head of this paper. 
One man grows maudlin and weeps ^ another 


i6o »Z* CONNOISSEUR. N^.ga, 

becomes mtny and fiicctious ; a third quarreh, 
throws a bottle at his companion's head, and 
could run his deareft friend through the body<; 
a fourth is mad for a girl, and falls in love with 
a ftre^t-wallcer ; while to a fifth, the liquor ferves 
a$ an opiate, and lulls him to deep* Sbeiifptan 
has a}fo (hewn this variety of characters with 
great humour. CaJJio cries, " let's t^ bufinefs," 
V and immediately begins to hiccup his prayers, 
and belches out his hopes of falvation : Justice 
SiUnci^ who does not fpeak a word while he is 
ibber, has no fooner fwallowed the rouzing cup, 
than he cpars out a catch, and grows the noifidft 
man in the, company. It is reported to have 
bccA one of the moft exquifite entertainments 
to the Choice Spirits in the beginning of thii 
century, to get Ad(^fm- sioASteeU together in 
company foE the evening. Stale entertained 
them, ^till he was tipfy ; when the famfe wine^ 
that flupified him, only ferved to elevate Ad£/offi 
who took up the ball juft as Steele dropp^ it, 
and kept it up for the reft of the evening. 
They, who have never been prqfent at a fcene 
of this kind, may fee the whole groupe of 
drunken characters, difplayed at one view with 
infinite humour> in Hagarih^s Modem Midnight 
Coffuerfatim* ' • 


S'^.g!: n^ CONNOraSBUR. i6i 

Thus cxccfe of Drinking', verifies all the 
;transfonnations recorded, in the fable ofCiru's 
cup : and perhaps the troe reafeh^. why ^acchkt 
16 always painted with fconis, is to'intimate, that 
vine turns men into bcafts. Indeed, if none 
;n^re to indulge themfelves- in Drinking, except 
ibofe, who. (like Sttele zvA JdJ^on) coidd be 
vf'my and agreeable in their pnps,. the number of 
Hard-Drinkers woold |be very happily diminifhed* 
Mod men have fi> little ri^t -to plead an excuft 
Df .this, ibft in vindication of their Drunkenneft, 
that wine either ma^es them very rude, very 
fttipidi or very mad. It is a vulgar «rror td 
iuppofe, dnt liquor only (hews ill qwiKties^ iinct 
itiialib fiequent^ cviatet them^'uid clngetiden 
notiQns in tbe !mtnd. quite !fbreign< to it's nattf^* 
^ difjpofittoiH 'Which :are the mere efleAs of 
iwii^e^^ anii^break out likie blotches and carbuncles 
on the face. The difguftAil appearance, which 
«Aoft, people <iiud»fivbeii:tbey are im^^yhk 
what induced the J^47fi to into^eioale ^b<lir 
flaves, and ftew them to their children, in order to 
det^r.^in froin fq odious^ vice.^i In like raaBhcr 
let the Choiccc Sp|rity who is often feep (homing Ja 
an armed-chair in a tavern, pr hangipg his )iead 
oyer the pp|^gfcfl^6^,wbat,;|t;^<M:J^iilgfig^^lht 
muft hav^ ti^^ whep fie jeestb(^(^nke» beg- 
gar flecpingon a feulfc, or i:olling. in Ae.fcenAelj^l 



had alrtady po(]HIcd k in imaginat'ton. But 
alas! all oqr expedations are now at an end: 
the golden dream is at length vanHhed ; and 
thofe^ whofe heads were kept giddy all the while 
that the wheel of Fortune was turning round, 
have now leifure foberly to reflefk oh their disap- 
pointment. How many unhappy tradefmen muft 
now trudge on foot all their lives, who defigned 
to loll in their chariots I How many poor 
igaidens, of good family but no fortune, muft 
languiih all their days without the comforts of an 
hufband and a coach and fix 1 Every lofer 
thinks himfelf ill ufed by Fortune : and even 
Mrs. Sfftf^ the |>bflefibr of a fingle Sixteenth, 
fites t6 tfns Oitce, pays her penny, and receives 
^e tidings of her -ill hick witfar iurprize ; goes 
to another Office, pays her penny, hears the 
fame.difagreeable information, and can hardly, 
very hardly perfuade herfelf, that Fortune ihould 
have doomed her, ftill to wa0i the difbes, and 
fcrub down the ftairs. ' 

- Thus the views, of every adventurer are di- 
re(9ed to the fame point, though their motives for 
engaging in the Lottery may be different. One 
man puts ip, becaufe he is willing to be in For* 
tune's way j another, becaufe he had good luck 
In the laft^and another^ jbecaufe he never got 


N-93. 7J^ CONNOISSEUR. 165 
any .thing before : this indulges in the profpe£l of 
making a fortune; and that comforts himfelf 
with the pleaitng hopes of retrieving his defpe* 
rate eircumftances* £very one, however, thinks 
Jiimfelf as iiire of the Ten Thoufand, as if he 
had Ut in his pocket; and his only c(»Kern 
is, how to difpofe of it. We may, therefore, 
confider every adventurer, as having been in ac- 
tual pofieffion of his treafure; and out of fifty 
thoufand people, who have been bleft within 
this fortnight with fuch ideal good fortune, I 
fliall fele£t the following inftances, which fell 
within my own notice. 

Joseph Wilkins, of Thanes-Jlreetj Eiquire^ 
Common-Council-Man and Cheefemonger, got 
the 1 0,000 1. He could not bear the foggy 
air and dingy fituation of the city : he, there- 
fore, refolved to take a houfe at the St. James's 
cn^ of the town, and to fit up a fnug Box 
at Hamftead in the Chimfe tafte, for his re- 
tirement on Sundays. A Chariot was abfoiutely 
neceffary to carry him to and from 'Change every 
moriling : but he intended to have it made ac- 
cording to the modern fafhion, that it might 
occafionally be converted into a Poft-Chaifc, to 
wheel him on a Saturday night to his country- 
feat, and back again on the Monday morning. 


i66 72* CONNOISSEUR. N<93. 
He defigned to te chafieo AMerman the firft va* 
cancy ; after that to be nude Sheriff, receive the 
hohour of Knighthood, and perhaps get into 
Parnament : and whenever he paied by the 
Maiifion-IIoufi^ he could not but lodc^ upon it 
with i^eafiire, s^ the future refid^nee of his Lord- 
flup. Nothing was now wanting but a careful 
plodding partner, who fliould take upon himfelf 
the whole drudgery of the jfhop ; fo that the 
Squire mi^ have no farther trouble^ than to re- 
vive hi» dividend of the profits. But while hk 
was confidering oa whom this important favour 
fliottld be conferred, his ticket was drawn — 
'IBIdttfc > and Squire JVilkins is contented with 
bis greafy employment of cutting out penny- 
worths of Ghefiiire cheefe. 

Jonathan Wildgoosk of Cheppfsde^ Sillc- 
Mercer, had too much tafte to be confined to 
dirty bufinefe, which he neglefled for the more 
agreeable perfuits of pleafure. Having therefore 
met with great loiles in trade, he was obliged to 
embark the remains of his fbattered fortune in the 
Lottery, and by purchafing a number of tickets 
feciired to himfelf the 10,000 1. He had deter- 
mined to keep his fuccels fecret^ bilk his creditors 
by becoming kinkrupt, turn the whole into an 
annuity lEbr his life, and live abroad like a gen- 

d(»nin viNH^ the i^com^^ But ludmckily his cre^ 
ikots came upon him too quiddy ; and bc/bre he 
could know, that he had not got the Ten Thou- 
baiy hmried huiki to jail, whece he now lies, Ia« 
memingp t3mt: file ^^? of hfohmu^ had not been 
poftponed 'till after the Lotieiy« 

John Jones ofLudbw^ in the county of Ati!^9 
Eiqutre, Dealer ^nd Chapman, got the 10,000 1. 
Thb gentlettian was forewarned of his fuccefs by 
ieveral^ indi(^>u<fabl6 tokens: Hh lady had dreamed 
of a parUcuikr number four nights together : ^nd 
while the bells where ringing on hts being chofen 
Bailiff of the Corporation^ they fpdkein as plain 
wolds, as ever WhUtmgton heard, *^ Mr. John 

« Jones will get Ten ThaufondP^trnd Mr.JeUm 

** Jones will get Ten Thou/and Pound.** He and 
his lady, dieMfor^^ came up to Lotkhn ; and not 
being able tp ^e^t wiih tiic jofifcuJar Numier zt 
ffyzfird*s or H^ffon% or any o|hcr 0$ce always. 
remaifkable for feUing the Ten Tbouftods, they 
advertifed it in dae papers^ and got; the Great 
Prizes only paying a guinea more for their ticket 
than the market-price. As Mrs. Jones knew a 
good deal of: the world^ having lived j. for fpme 
years in qualitjy of an upper fervant ip 9 great 
hQufe„^r.ftic was determined, that Mr. Jonet 
(hould take the opportunity, now they were in 


i6S 7if CONNOISSEUR. N*,95. 

town, of learning how to behave himfelf, as he 
(hottld do, when he came to his fortune. Ste, 
therefore, introduced him to the beft company in 
all the houfc-keepers and ftewands rooms in thef 
beft familteijj whefc (he was acquainted : and as 
Mr. JoHii was fo deficient in politcnefi, as not 
even to know how to make a bow in coming into 
a room, he had private leflbns from Mr. Aaran 
Harty who undertakes ta teach Grown Gentlemen 
to dance, Mrs. Jones herfclf was very bufy in 
confulting with the milliner and mantua-maker 
about the neweft falhions, when the long lookcd- 
for Ten Thoufand came up ; and direSly after 
the Heyd-Ho Carried them dowii again to &i^, 
with this only confolation, that their tickd was 
within one of the fortunate N umber. 

Sir Humphry Oldcastle, having greatly 
dipped his eftate by being chofen into Parliament 
on the Tory intereft, mortgaged all he had left, ta 
put himfelf in the way of the io,000 1. for the 
good of his country. This feafonable recruit 
fixed him a ftaunch Patriot : and he declared, he 
would ftahd another eleftion againft all oppofi- 
tion. But, however it happened, the finifliing 
of the Lottery has induced him to change his fen- 
tinients j and Sir Humphy^m lie\i of the io,oo©K 
has accepted a Place. 


N«. 93. ne CONNOrsSlTf R. i6^ 
Jemmy Lister, an Attorney's Clerk, was 
carried into the Lottery by pure difinterefli^d bve« 
He had conceived a violent paffion for his iraSitah 
daughter ; but the prudent old gentleman .cosU 
not be prevailed on t» giv€ her away to'aii hahdv 
fotne young' fellow without aipemiyi - This en* 
raged him ib inuch^ that he immediately fold,the 
reverfion of a fihall eftatc after the deatt^tof^his 
gramlmothcr, and by laying .^ut the purchafe* 
money, . as far, as, it would t^, in Shams and ^ 
Chances, got' the 1 0^000 L Ife wiis.fbr Ifomc 
time in doulirt, whether )1e .ibimli beftow^-JUs 
good forftins en die yotmg Iady,idc tmiflB^ it 
Qk>re fafliiQnably;in keepitig a. girl, .iiowevert 
his hopes iboii Cunk to one of>the-T500^k prisles, 
whiqh.he generoufly determined to f<^e. tippn 
herv together with his per(4>n: Btttnn this t<i6 be 
was unhappily difappoitued ;. and atJ<1aft,'Uike-^ 
true lover, Contented himielf with* the llioti^bii 
of maintaining hcrivcry prettily (even tho|igb(itb^ 
father (hould give her nothing) on the income 
of one or other of the inferior prisxs, which 
he was lure would fall to his l6t« .Foftune 
alas! is no lefs blitid a deity ^ than Lovd: >tfae]r 
both confpired to difappoint him ; and the aiifiic- 
ce&ful gHlldnt, havitig received a pofiti^v^ refiifal 
from his naiftrefs, out of mere fpite cBre^y ni«i 
ried the maid. * 

Vol. IIL I Captaw 


Caft AIR Mac Mvu.bk« a decaycdGaneler, 
wrfpftift (a puichifc tht Crancb of a SixleMbi 
nMdk (nocwbhftaiiding llie great Odds i^inft 
hipv) vat fiire to cone lift 10,000 L. The firft 
thing 10 be dona was to paichale a genteel fuit of 
doalhi with Ms part of the prize, hire an equi-* 
pagc^ paA himfi^ off for a naan of quality, and 
fiap up a rich dowager or heircft! ufkr which it 
was verjr eafy for him to dupe all the raw g«ne« 
Aers at Jrtim^s out of dieir ellates, and to take 
in all die Knowing-Ones on the Turf at Niw^ 
irmritt. He aocopftnglybeTpoke his liveries, fetiied 
iheiUhmi of his chariot, and had akea^ pitched 
upno the hdy friiefc good luck it iboiild be to fidi 
ia lovf with him : but fo uncertain is tfie ibieof 
ai g am efter, diat fince the drawing of the lottery 
hft has adveitifed for charitable contributions to a 
Oiftccfied Gestleman, who knows the world, and 
bus bad the honour to be intimate wMi moft of the 
NcMUty and Oeotiy in di^ Icingdom. 

I I9£CD not point out any porticidar inflances^ 
among die other fex, with re%ed to their <&fpofad 
(^ the Tea Thou/atid \ which cRmry lad^ had fe*- 
GUfod by chufiog the Ticiurt hcrTdf, tiding p»tt<* 
cuiar^H^ that diQ nmfAmx fluHiM be an odd one^ 
T%e married ladi^; haste fuficicnt callt for csven 
double this fum, to fupply them with the necefla^ 
ries.Qf dr^fs, and to ai^Twer the expeoces oi ffe- 


quenting public diverfions ; wi as to the unmar- 
ried hacKes; they very wett know the truth of thai 
maxim hi the baltad, that ^^ in ten tboufand pounds 
** ten thoufiuid charms are centered/' Some 
ancient maiden ladies,, who could never be brought 
to think of an hulband, or to give into the vanities 
of th0*wQrM,«ae nklbnA talive rctbed upon 
their prize hu die countrf,^ an4 lea«9 proofs of 
their good difpofitions behind them, by fwelling 
out their Wills witb a loag lift of Ams tB Ait 
or that Charky or HoipitaW 

Before I contlude, I cannot buetake notice 
6f the greet generofity cf my own Pt/BLUHEB! 
npon getting the to,ooo h As hb (ticcefi was ow^ 
tng to his faying out in the Lottery al( die profits, 
'which had ahready rifen from the publication' of 
thif Papery he had dietermtned to circulate my fu- 
ture numbers gratis ; and had even defigned to^ 
keep open houfe for the leception of pooi- authors* 
Unhappily for the public, as well as my brother* 
writers, Fortune has fhiftrated his diiinterefled 
fbheme : Even I myfelf am admitted to eat his 
niutton but once a week ; land (inftead of giving 
away my papers) he has advertifed, that the Twihet 
edition of the CoHNOTSSCuit will be publiihed on 
Tmfday the 25th of this inftant Novmbify in Two 
Pcdxt FobmtiSy Prici Six Shillings bound. 


I 2 Numb* 

iji ^^6 fiWo I'i^ i ^UR. »r^94. 


Numb. XCIV. Thur/daj^ November, f^^ ^TS^* 

— ^ Mffiiavl ^6h fine 'glork'^-^ ^ Vlavt. 

itoo.fivm martHd feati may tbim^rettown^ 
\ Tbt Cer^ ani Difiat§r' 9f diet Tettm. 

AS' I was going through Smithfield the other 
day, I obferved aii 'old' fellow witM a 
^opdeq Iqg^^/e^ ^,^ ^ilpfVhabit^ who co^iir- 
tco^j ,inyifed„jhf ,pjiflernby tp peeR into -his 
raree-Oiow, for thc.Onal^ pric^ of ^J^. haHpepny. 
His exhibkions,, Ifcjuny^, were very wdl fuite^ 
to the times, arid quixc in x:hara<5ler for himfelf : 
for. s^paong. other particulars, with which he ^mu*« 
fc^ Xh^ little ajy[dienc;e?of children that furrounded 
his l^oxj^ I was^prjightily pleafed to hear the fol-j 
lpwji,^gg /* --rjTi^ (te the Britijh fleet 
*' perfuing th^.iFr^w^AjjfljJpsj which are running 
*^ away — There you fee Major- General John- 
•' Jhn beating the Frenck foldiors in Ammca^ and 
^* taking Co\int Diejkeau, prjfoner — Th?re yoif 
'' fee the Grand Afonoj^fue uppp his knees before, 
*' King (?iv?^^, begging bis^^ife." -^sihethougl^ 
of the public are now wholly turnffi upon waf , 
it is no wonder, that every method is taken to 
- '. in/pire 

infpire ua/:wirh-a j^c^-ofr/^niO^untiy, imd ah 
ifcl?baffeiMsP::f:jf:rt§L/*l'^^^ K not only 

the isAdi, feaip^Oi ,with: 1^ ra«e«-Acw, but tte 
pj^Wfc' tl^^ajres ^v«[ lifee^fe h?d :a ,vicw to th« 
^e pqint, .. At Drury Lane vif^ have already 

^^i zflk^zffj^ Mr. 

i[^^,,Vil)' /hortlji^-oi^e ;aak fjltbe ciuiqtieft of 
A€¥Wiji^>it^. peifca Pf, ttet Wiowned hero 
0W3t\J^^fif^ Apd as. Ac jE^jjfiJ^ are natu* 
rally fof^ j.p£ blo9^y^:«hiWtio«s on Uk ftage, I 
am told that a new Pantomime, entitled the O&Vi 
is preparing at this lail houfe, more teirible than 
^tXfjA^iU'h^^^ltii^ GfuUu .wi<l Ji^ Dragonr ; in 
ifWch^^ilKbe i6tt«d«4?^^: the ImSan Maihm' of 
jf^fW^ite f*^»^l4^5Wttbii itprefemation of the 
Qfind ^cflpiligEfafi^'^iih ^^ its Horrors. 
<fioir>6 "'■'' ''''"^' ""^ - *'■ ' ■ 
ftibW F«fii« 1*ti» warlike- difpofition prevails iii 
^ TttitiWi^;I''ttii%' wider-* 1^^ 
left ibe Miinti<HI>^^Dr^^th^'^|Hi^lie^trid be called 
offfpgftlgitlle'iviWlgh^ tioijetrrw bf'^thde' papers: 
i(1alT«»i3^'^fceivdfth5i*>^th^ tommon ntws-papers 
ate .n*^ '€^'^t\y 'fnatched 'tip' in the public 
cofiSce-h^wries tharf my aTaysj-and t^e GazetU 
ii ibttcii^sfcwief ^ail^afef ihatl xYii tonkoipur. 
Fori iKeV'f^ilfi^i^^F' fiti^^ * riedtSk\f 'to lay 
opte^nyC'Ctwft^'ipp^rfehbe^tfefc*^ t<i 

S'ju I 3 fliew 

174 2ir CONNOSSIEUR* N*. 9+. 

fliew that ImfMf sn aAitig (as k were) in a 
militarj capacity, and that Ccnfer GcnendTowit 
bat Atmt km cowitry no left lervice as a valiant 
ami fkiMd cwiaiander at home, that Major-^ 
General Jdn/m in Ammttt* Aiithora may very 
piopctlf be 4ud to be engaged in a ftateof fiteraiy 
warfare, many of mtucm are tdeen into pay by 
tbofe gveaa and nighty potentates, the ikxfldbl* 
bra; and it «f{Il be aNowed, diat diey ufldergo 
no lefs hardfbipe in Cbe li^vice, thah tbe common 
fcUiers^vbo are contented to be flwt at for a groat 
9 ilay. 

, It has been my province to repd ihe tlidly 
ioroads and incioacbments mode by vke and 
hi\f^ and to gaard die nation irom ahimn^on 
of foreign fc^iperies and FNmh fafliions^ The 
Town has been principally the icene of aAion ; 
V^enel bav^ £»nd enemies to e<ico«nter with, 
no le& formidable tban tbe Tptatt^pf^Km or tbia 
px€kchimii€i4>hxi Norih*4iilin^ fittt aa ths 
curiofity of the public is ^ much engi^ed ^ 
attending to the enterprises pi Old Ifmdmck tbe 
Sachem^ and the incurfions of In£{m$ wfao.have 
taken .up the hatchet ^aioft our Cploiuel, I am 
afraid that myexpl^tsagainft the Sayj|ges».iKlucli 
infeft this ^tropoli^ wiU be wboUy ^^vec-kobeL 
\ havCf ih^Qie, J^ffgil^ 4iO £i\^ ^sy teadcis 
. ' ; i frcfli 

N-.94. Jfc CONNOISSEUR. 175 
fr^ advices from ttme to lione of irtiat paSes 
hae^ drawn up m the fanie warlike fltle and 
manner as thoie very alamung artidas of new$» 
which are coaunonljf to be met with in our public 

Thursday, Nmmiir t^ 1755. 

Wfi hear from Whiu\ that the forces under 
Major-Ocneral Hoyle.^ which ufed to encamp at 
that place, are removed from thence, and have 
fixed their winter quarters at Arthwr*%. The famr 
letters fay, ^at an obftinate engagement was 
fought there a few nights ago, in wiiich one party 
gained a great booty, and the other fuflFered a 
^onfiderable lofs. We are alfo informed, that mi 
epidemical diftemper rages among them, and thajt 
ifeveral of the chiefs ha/re been carried off by a 
fudden death. 

Thct wrke from tSma^-i^iw, that laft 
weel^ a bo^ of IxaEGULARs fallied out at mid- 
fught, ftorined feveral forts in that neighbour- 
hood, and committed great outrages ; but being 
attacioed b^ a detachment from the allied army 
of watchmen, conftables, and jaftices, they were 
put to %ht, and feveral of thtrti taken prHbrfcrs. 
T'hc plague fiill rages there wKh great vioJcrice, 
as well as in the neighbouring territories oiDrury. 
I 4 Vf^ 


' Wtf Inter fr6m= the fdme place, that the 
l2t>M»ANt cewnmanded^ty Brigadier ^fVA-'has 
been rtShfotced with feveral new-raifcd recruits, 
lo^ ftipply ' tfcte' place of fome defcrters, ^ho had 
gone over to the enemy : but iiis chief depend- 
ance is on the light-armed troops, which are 
vejv ^;^ftiy^, and are <3iftingui0)e4j like the High» 
larukrSf by their party-coloured drefs. The 
en^my, on the other hand, have taken ievtral 
Sw^T* zM'Germans in^ pay t though they .'are 
'tiTtdbr terrible apprchenffons 6f their beirtg /et 
\\pot\ hf the Critics. Thefe are a rude, 
Igf/orant, favage people, who-^ are always ut war 
Vith tW^ nation of Authors.^' Their 'tonftaiA 
triafmet' of fighting is to Isegin the onfdt WhI 
itrangt hifShgs and noifcs, accompanied with an 
horrtd' inftrument, named the- Cat call; which, 
like^ the fFar-hovp of the Indians^ Has ftruck a 
panic into the hearts of the {touted heroes; 

^* -We have advice from- the' B«rfc*/r.^«t>, Tern- 
ple-BoTy that on Monday nig^t laft the* Iwrr- 
DELS held a grand council of war ai their head 
quarters in the Robin Hood^ at Swhich thdr good 
friend and ally, the Mufti of -Clare ^Aii&kft^ 

of th& Chihefe FeftivaL at Drury-Lane YheUte, ' , 

• -.ulb:-:. 'i:;.! -. ; .■':i;.. ."..i r; .l 1.,.7 .; 

ahd^'foe^' t'o make -^eace,' *till they ha(l pl^ulled 
diw«^alt-1h^ Clniixrhtt- in 'G^j/te^Joni; '-aAcTefra- 

the Bible. '^''' ' ^' 

-' 'A'l L^' ouf'^aff?icetf ' frbni tBfc clfy" or Zi^r^don 
^gree tfrthcrr^acttmrits of t!ie *greaE havock and 
flaughttr made there on the Feftival, conimoiily 
HWtd M^ ^ord'Maym'^s Dayl ' P^\\ tKc Com- 
PAIGES in ihaV blaclt unifoffn,^an4 the trarhed 
batid in iheif r^gtom^i,'riidde a gcnml'jforai^. 
They caffl^ bflp^ vafl qnatkititr'of chiijkehs; 
gecfc, dticks, and a!! Stinds of provifions. Major 
Gu£^l^iijn of the Ward of Baffijbaw diftin- 
gttHhed him felf greatly, having with hb fword 
In- hand galJinrty ;3ttkKed the outworlts,' Tcaled 
thb%aHi, ^fnoOTted' tte .^rafe pact?, and forced 
ttrro^frh't^e coi^trtiway <?f a^ large fortified Cuf- 

^"^IiE'?^hat)lt5lt^or'^lS«^;p*hay^^ been. 

qaSlfeftl Sitiitt^^hfe" apVehcpfions ;qf^ an^ 
m )ii(rfyincB H^s^fe feen vd*y buiy vi ntting.oiit 
^h^k^!a^fa1l^Mfi(^a^en With^rfore^ of wine and 
brandy, with which it is thought they will at- 
tempt to make a defcent fomewhere on our 
'•'^^* I 5 coofisi 

178 firCONNp?>SfiEU». N%94. 

coafts. Tbc mdepqidaiit Com{9«mks.«f &ii«r« 
gUrs in ibe firnee of /Wnvr aie ip br fenc «ii 
Ihit expedition : but if the f oei of CiAoinnhoiife 
finacks, &c. do not intercqk than at fea> we we 
prcpwng^.iQ xeceive th^ 4$.;b^A «i thejr lue 

Frou divcn parts of the c«untiy we have 
advice, that the n^ are every whesc crowded 
with Ladles^ who (noCwithftaoding the ieveru^ 
of the weather) are hmrying up to Lmd^ tfli 
he prcfent at the meeting of thff Fgaififi /WAawp^ 
At thij critical jundure^ the £ite of d^fULti^ 
depends cfiurdy oa |h(S dclfbef»(io|i^4»f^li^ 
alTembly : and as there are known to be nsuiy dif' 
inttrefted patriots in the Houfe, it is not to be 
' doubted, \m that proper i^eafiirri will fat takta 
by them for the good of t^ir ioHUitrjr. ^ Maaj 
falutary laws are already talked o4 wWch wf 
could with to iee put intp cicecutiop i iiiqh ai'-^r 
A Bin for prohibiting the impor^don of Trmk 
Milliners, Hair-cutters, and Mantua-makers— 
A Bill for the exportation of Frsfuh Cooks and 
Frend) Valets de Chambres — A 3iU to feftrate 
Ladies fronv wearing FrenADr^fs — A#d laiUjf^ 
a Bill to xeftraxn them from weacii^ FrpiAFa^ 

w •• 


'■■ ■ ■ ■ IP- , ■ ■ ' ■ ^ll ' T 

Numb. XCV. T/mrfdofy ^maber ao^ 1 7^5.- 

" I m il * I n ■ i> I ^ 11 W 1 1 r - • ,••'''•! 

Jni prove a tfitUr in da Umy-Jl^^mM , 

AS every maitiage I3 ft )jnd of family rc(lival« 
tbe weckfiag-jay b honotirBJ with varioui 
celebrities, and jdiftinguifli^d !ik& the gFth of M- 
%^i;Mlt»'» the birth-days 4>f khe Royd Family, or 
Any odier public <hy, Vith many demonttratlon« 
dbf joy: the happy trouble are dlreft m their richtll 
/uits, the beHs riog iOi tiay, im^ t!he I^Milig fe 
concluded with the meny ceremony of throwing 
^Cke Ibcktng* But tfaefe fefttf ititt ftfi tidi ilWays 
ib tdigioufly^obifefveaiii Tm^j wtere^Wany a 
fi^ of quality «e tacked togeAer<wkh^ei IH^lMft 
^ri¥B(^^ andlnifsyhtdy afteirihei^\^t of t^n» 
jil tf they were aAamed to fh^ thcjr ^ices >fter 
^hat th^ had do^. Ifi the t^unt^', i^i4ien the 
4^yire^ any other fttfcm of JfrfUn^ii is jnactiifa, 
the Hotiey-Mdoii h ahndl a continut< ^a^hival 5 
Md every marriage is ^ettjiioted mdte46r fcfe fikdy 
to be pfofporotts^ in ]M:o|K>rtic» to the huti^he^ ^ 
^Awr^^cWQ, iwid ihtfip^ thatait .kiabd.<ia the oc^ 
I ^ <afionp 

caiion, and the hogfhcads of wine and tuns of ale^ 
with which they arc waIheT3o wn^ * By the laft 
poft.I /cccived an accbUiiiLtom- my Coufin V^ul-., 
LAGE, of the wedding of a near relation, with a 
laifvUent, th«4jpl«ndeP' of'^ke^btHv-«nd:«9l^vJkni- 
^▼crfal joy pf the. whole, ipanour,. ^ At the 44tf»e 
time Prtetivjedcoinplimentsyrqm tfic nNew- married 
couple, 'widi' a large ftice of the ^ride Cake ; 
the virtues of whkl^^are )¥sUJcnfjv<fn jtp^eyery^ir^ 
W'tliirtcj^fi. X lyas never m ppflf^5iw.>tf^; but I wai fp |m{i^h ^fjl^htefl 
^with thii matrinjo^ial tpten, and i^ exQited^o^j^jr 
'mitjd (b many rjEjftc^ipns, on cuiyugal ^\app,iqpfs> 
"tliat (though I did not lay it unfjcic my^pillQW;) it 
gave occafioiito tbe following Drean^ ..^, ^-, ^ 

f v.lfofttjrftn^ ^«r! middle of: alipSicim^ 
iJ^^\]^\j^i9i\^^ im5'^eroudedi.wilh;Siij9Cfr.letyc6r 

^^h^ ,^g5jtbpo;?rei9ple fl^^^.Qc4^ <rf j^^^ipg^. 5 

!jujd t^tcycx7)<WrHho.l>^4rv inclifiatifi |jo ft- 

• Sf»^e to that ^^ity^ Wf^s iQYiitcd tot appKOft<jh,.a 

. J^rge ^^ltar^^,.)wl^if^,^Ya?» ftcxy^fid. »vi^b .fr g wt mm- 

>er pf g^p^ of x)iJ%qRpj(hap^s,;j?^d^ppe|raq|(r^ 

, I So^e .c(f tfieft, W55f mp^Jded ^irtl^,rrtie foimnof 

J he^jts,^ :|i^o^ff^ »^rf;1»5<W^»\cin^«cjriie:loirert- 

IcQQts : .£^i^,wece,iicewe^witb filg^r^. and ftu(dc 


W 1 

all of them mariced with the word MyM^AiftK^ltf^ 
and called Bride-Cakes) to different perfons, 
who were allowed to chu$bfi^ thcmfHveSji^aqtqard- 
ing tp th^ir different; yiev^s.an4?iQelinationf. . ^, ^^ 

very z^sa&^h^fy^^. iji. », -fliftri.itijnejdfecbred 
h,elpj-]:ejn9tlfing,^-^th^ 9V»ny3.Biw.b{wrti«JMjy 

.■-'1" ■ '/. .'.. n i."'firT, \'i:.'i iiTu ' ■«■'!•<• 

comply, I pi#ed tjiroug^ tl}ftfir^»uiijand.t}a«fl 
myself cltrfebjf tbe.^^fr^jvA y.<^,BoivleflBO« 

reach them ons.^rj^^^i^.jii,ftfl^iai4f^i 
double heart pierced through with darts: but juft 

«»i4My mm* gthgw IhM k IMMHkt tfieai, « 
4nMm(I«M Mhrtr, wtoMl iMnittlie thegiri% 

dMi g ri Hm yoMg Urff M lit ipM MbA«r; 

OTMR FlmWf pWOTV •■* -TOT' MlVf anv WHHJB 

tin if^idmimigmkmm'kkifit 

Aw old fidlow of fijcty-tWD, who had ftolen 
one dtf fmm dve bufineft of die AUe^f^ next came 
towards the alcar« aod feemed to exprefs a ftrong 
idkcimkOtk^ fibttu$^ who recolldaed him 
at &ft<||bt,ittiMdiilelf o&ird Urn one, which; 
tboogh Tcrynotddf aad cioaifet was^t all over; 
hut he was mftooiflied at the i^ gemteoiaQ^s re* 
ittCnglt^ and petMoiiiiig Ck^ for a Cake of the 
moftekgaat^m and Areeteft ingredieats. The 
fiideOolat itft rtptiUed him wiili indtgiu^on^ 
kilt aftimiidi oiMLB it to b!m for a large fum of 
mmMffi a etraunftance, which amaaed me be- 
^nd cxpreflkMi, but which I ioon feuad was 
very commonly praAired in this Ten^ple. The 
all Mlow retiied wMi Us purchafed ptke; and 
iwa^ i am^aad he might flBl have a coIt% 
iooth ooaiaiiiiiijg, Jffter having ftr fome timo 
muadded 4t between hispid gums in vain» it Ixf 
hfWm ^ainaftrhad aitd ^mciijoyed. 

wtnjr MbMii dM io0«cf«d» of tbefe d^ette 
iaocfiib Mi^ At up c» fide Mud 1 fbimd^diil 
^lifeir ipric* fofe lai Mit lite tkat oT beef or nmt- 
10% WtUt'tolto llbb jl^ik or ktiitkf of the maf* 
4sei. I wii iNUiicdaHf ^uSefiea w^ the d^pofid 
4f ^ nr6 IbHowin^ A young gemlemui ani 
4ii«y )«^^*tV>^bficbitts^ the Altar, afid had agreed 
t» take between them a Cake of a pbm form bdt 
tdeiicious iairo«r, matked LoTt and Compc- 
"^ri^ofi ; ^t a^rifon of quditjr lleppmg fohxrard 
ipftffiiad«I^MfefotiiktetoJoin with him, atiA 
ceceive fiom Kmn one tttudi more glittering, 
marked Indiffb&sncx and a larcb Sbt- 
irhitUMWrn Another lady was coming up with 
a.Kiiig^tof dMtB«ti^ bctag impled by a Cake 
wiith a red f iUumd ibeambg Iffom it, like the flags 
hdh a TtireUdi-Cake ; hot was pievailtd oa by^ 
^rfivi «f greater lank »d diftinAion to accept a 
mODe ihmrj Cakt^^ioami with a Uae libbaal 
and acoiooet*^ 

A BOKoai dome 'Sf an amoroos cooqdexhm 
caase neict, and begged Tery hard for a Cake. 
She had before reanved ibterad, which fiiited 
^r tooth, and pleaTed bet palate Co exceflivdy^ 
sbat as feon as (he had cHTpotched one, (hexon^ 
-Aantly came to CvfidioT anottier. Ste now 


*¥'Vl ;;'<?{*; f«W«fl »'.ll*)a».»Jd<:«iUii#fterp'*« 
jjteedyy.^ujnWigs ^ ^li^ip^(tf»otfti,^tbMl{^ 

j9ie M fairly, wofPaJH' Ji lii? :««»*«pf. hftr 

«c^'^4«i»i?«; ^»». w^ ja!f\> pi M »> ( ii«it jWr 

he^etved^itl^Xbn^ juyit^ncc,. jfbyc^:^.i)ld 

-v;. a ?)HA- A ;'.-■<. V a:, •-.ina-j-'i-a :- bsium 
ii;ArBM»t'fnif^J>a^beIor>-iif(tBe IdO^JdMltafy 
tileii' cape Jmftling( Ud^ofigh :tlM:' {}iM«>4''>^^fei 
JKOVgH with i him 1 a led-diedBed.' count^l)|tft 
fiS, iwttseti,. .A# ■ h« apiirqacfa^ liWrAlta^ ke 
gn^-kYsr»\ ifiomingi fitet jtiMtth^X^^ iWhii^ 

Riches, fome Family, fotne BauajttVt -«lid 
one or two Affection. The girl he brought 
,^4i J4W jPrfWfi4,.,jPnfee T|}is.|48i6y-ii|TOidi*.vAoin 
h<^ hjd/or ibnve.^imf .pal^;heen iPf?*i{|j«tpm|«B^ 

h :W"8 9Yf; ja .#.1 WB^c§ isib« . m laft Jndlhjg 
his, ddiggijiiijpra^lc^ble,! hp^cfj})^ D«fel}ih«>to,4he 
l4!l^&.'t i^Co%'HS^»*ed,,?il«lqi^Wie!4a»f 
ifti"?.4?'»iyflfe>'rlP4>^'«^'io* «Hri 4tdsftf 
i> , i,<A aukwatdnefi- 

N*-95. i»* CONNOISSEUR. i«i 
$u3cw^rint:h in* bis . toMkmsx and v dqbrtintdR 
However, as foon as he had takoft.liis.Gaike^ he 
retired ; and determined to fpend the reft of his 
dajrs' wkh hid imlcH-cow &v dien^MTlfy^ ' '-* 

f'fatisfv a modeft lon^irtg,' thene'riow a^I 
a^a^matdet{^l%'in the Blddm \)f thfefefcdRl 

vanccid^ ^ 

She^lifadi ?t feems/hbretpfb're'reftjjTed ley^fil 6ffe/i 
frorii CErf>/z/ and Pluiits\ 'bhV^ihg ferii^^d tq 
find, that <hcy had now'^?V(?i dver' flt, tlioughts 
6f her, (he feizcd^ tHeliarid a young **E.hfign 
of the Guafrds, And carried* him to Ae A'ltafJ 
whence (he hcrfelf -Tnatched up a Cake^ ' and 
divided it WitK He^ ^'Hknt. SHe wds'hi^}} 
dellgHtdd'WltH ^he Wftefbrit at ftAj but' he* 
partner -brtng Viery foon ^cIoydB; ^ &e too late 
difcbvered, that the half xiHiicb (he'hd<f 5ti hc^ 
hand was fign^d Foilyj and that which (be 
had forced upon'^ter 'pafamouf Was liiatked 
Aversion. ^.^ 

A LITTLE, pert, forward Mifs in a frock and 
hanging -fleeves ran brifkly up to Cupid^ and 
begged for a Cake : — ^what it was (he did not 
care ; but a Cake (he muft and would have, of 
one kind or another. She had juft ftretched out 
her hand to receive one from Ct^id^ when her 
qpamiHH interpofed, fent the chUd back again 


iM Sk CONNOISS£Uft« N\gs. 

An dd WMMm fcnfliftiolly dreAt t^a bvtft 
imo the TcmpIC) and nui raving up to die Altar, 
ctjing out» tbat 0ie scMi/ef have an hulband. But 
file poor lady feemed likelf to be diiappoimed § 
for, a»(be eould prevaQ on no one to join bands 
wkb her, both ^^i and PAoms tduki to ^vour 
her with a Cake. Furioui with tggt and defpair^ 
(be {batched one off the Allari and Saxmg on 
the firft man that cane in bar way, wbidi Mfol>« 
tunate^ happened to bt pyfel^ ibe wpuM b«M 
forcibly crainoicd it down mf throat« As ti^ 
Icaft cmmb of it wa as di£|gr«Bable as n ^Mkk 
to an bc|ric, I began to -Tpaivl, ^ fputter, ^mi 
keck i and tbough the fluny of ^rit$ vibi^ H 
oocafioned, awaked me, I thought I i^td the HMt^ 
feous tafle of it iliI14n4ny<«outb« 


N«.96. fh CONNOISSfUA. it? 


NiTMa. XCVI. ^%urfil^ Nrntnkruf^ v/gs. 

•-— ^ Sex;paratur aut decern fophos auaunis. 
Secreta qiwre carmina^ ct rudes curasi 
Quas novit unus, fcriimque £giiatas 
Cuftbdit iple virginis pater chartae* 
McdFcare tales ab eo^ nee Tciet quifquam* 


Wiviplofs orpomfy naif modi fir ^ \ . 
r On tl^ tbt fublk h-eatb has mver ilm^ 

To Mr. T O fF N. 

AMONG the many Rigifler-Vffices ereAe^ 
within tbrfe few years paft,- 1 ^qn. rgfp|[fed 
that no icbeme of the/l|kb naturf has bee|i 
J^ought df for the fervtce , of literatjures -, a|id 
that no place has been fet apart, where Irjtcrary 
Conlteirfitfes 6f every fort might be difpofed of: 
where inen of leariling might meet with cnt- 
*pld]^ttifc4tt J and W)iere p^Ws, who wapt. t^ar 
aftlbnilbe, W^^^ iture to meet wi(!l nien cjp 


Jcarajng, ._ Thcre.js. nothings (rfAis^ind 

iiiijecdf liivc iiiadca' iiiuiiopoly tjff 'thctradej and 
engroiTed the ^hole m?rket to themfelyes. To 
remedy this inconvenience, my"drfign"is tQ fet 
up a LiTEliARY fe^fcisTEk'-^6>Fi6E':/,fbr 

which purpofi I in^cntf to hire %^ mvr. titclefs 
theatre m Lincoln s Jnn' Fteldi^.zna.comtxi \\ into 
a ma^r't forthellaple comfnoaitles^ of tfie literary 
common we a 1th* I fiiali hen^ fit up apanments 
for the reception of my aathora^' who wiJr he 
cmiflByed* frorri 'tVme 16 ume'ln' Aipplyii^'^thc 
public « with the requifrte manuraffures'/ ' This 
fdicmc'Will, T dou^t tiet; meet with greit' en- 
coura^mcnt, as it is' of general QtrlhyT \ii^ I 
do titii^remtihbe*' any -defign ofihi^fame Katurej 
except at a barber's on the other fide the water, 
who has hung out ia board over hist Abp with the 

following infer iption Letters read atff patten 

for Servant^ and Oth^s. . r v -y ^ • • / « 

'^^i'^sriAtt alway^;iiave a frefJi aitortment af 
go(KJ3 in the be|t talte and ncwcffi fafljipn^: ^?^ 
of Novels* for example," wliile |Ke ^ummir ^f 
reading them \%, prevalent am^ong .^^^JftftVs ^ 
lieople. For ihh ^tranch I , ((lali Je^^i'i^ ^^^^m 

0f Hibils>'t6 taek<tfaeni:to$(itbef wiHi aU poJGUr 
car^' and expedition : ' and if any. ladies of quality,, 
or others, chufe to fumifh their owo macemU 
for Memoirs and Apologies, they may have them 
dome crp^^^ and ^^lerifittcd'. e^^dly^^ ajtMDy Ottce. 
Befidea r&mak^tiieit^ iriiiohn'my noiilfliaUget 
up-withijtUijg8cateft:jdifpiiDcb, iczwzSamqpyai 
ha¥^!asyfe)fifwdrfaodviii^rand d^^ anfi .hav^al- 
iadUiyiiitifliedfix^aQd thirty (beets Qf thelfiftpry 
of Mi^B aukiy %rftffg', Writen by Herfelf, ... 

Pjcicin^ SI'S' x>f- all ^fores>fii^r^'^i»iiit^^ 
Mittrnth tttt^ ^^*bi^ tyi$e^}flW8fti0, thsu^ b* 
lttfe»y to' <rAgAge'itte<4meJtttelirflJr*>*Cbdt»piiblic;> 
£ver3^ii^W t$l^ ft^ft>«^)lD#t<i<ibf zn^xmnoi^ 
dr 'Remafks-i^ all riot^'itieitfcen -pfey-hbufe wHI 
srfForrf^^cop^^'TiH-'iirf/^^i*^ *i&^'^A&>/^^tf^*5'*««d* 
d«iery ^f)0# «Aa(ir i 6r I a^dft.piMisae rihcatriiiit 
Qntic1to$^ia4^«IH^ ^v^imv0^MA WogfH^isai 

ji^-]Mde*0«^V4));bmei^WhiGb!ma)i befait^^ 
anytgriat itimn, %>Ad <>r aKve, *fti (^acexMr oafe: 
•f^pliiie. **llhaU alfe have a large, bundle, of 
Bsimr M fiberM'^cmpim:,\w&j i^u^^ec ffpfj^i^ 
geiitlemsn dh)ady,iwliQ;cliufes,<tO!put^ifii kfjimhtr^ 
fcnptioit^ 49efidis a.hiec^i0r(Knaryifeiit<ofdHyiiMik 
tiD^theiM(whfcig^5 VeHttUn i*^ i>dWv *)f-?^*rrtrf*r 
Odes to' Mif3^.a.'a Acroffitta and^Rehi^V 


t^ TlrCONNOISSEUlL 1!^.^ 

iar iIm ttft af die M ^ biwh .^ lo. he ibid a» 
jttMj WDtiht with aUowtnce to tbotr whft taibe a, 
: finuiCJij|!« 

. Wim fcgnd ta Ltw mstteiB, as tbejp luwe 
so Ibit of OMneirioii witk wit or JcBming, X fliott 
Mr ODOQcmiBjrfeir widi their uoioielligiblrjaiv 
goo; aorpiefiiOietoiniccftfewiththo&OQtborK 
hi pwchnHi nty iriio meaTuie thdr woidt by the 
fioot-fulet and i^ their writifi|r at io oradi ^ 
line. However, I (hall fomifli young &tidetits 
oClliofiniwaLftulicCCoiiit with complete^^aaons 
of Gl!ilkjil^ oiii'Oipiiikimoa any o^ 
Cafes r oOf wWih il^ may argue veiiy learwAf 
at ataven^ orpltad ot die bar (^ a oc^NNHhoufii!^ 
Sir Medical Ubj^fk^ I ibaU pixicuie a leansed 
Gsdkialehy finf^lMMi ftem ahroiid^ whofir praaioe 
will aoe.ib JiiMeh take upf hie timeasioprevoRt 
biolieinf at klAiQB* ttt writs oecafionaltneatiTeiy 
fiatiDg fefth the mtncfr of any «ewly-iaiK»Mdi 
PbwdeRi w Qew)yrdtic0vmd Whm. He 4haUi 
aife draw up tie adrertifemeats for nMdtoinc8»> 
that remove all difeafisl« and are never knoww 
«a frill he Audi eompilsdiewoaderfiil aecounta 
of ihtir fiii|»iioiog cuxm^ and.AuHiih eafea that 
never happteed, an< affidaeita that were never 
nmi9^ WitkrefpefttftDiHaity^asihaYeieaibii; 
to bdianthat>contaoveffiat wifcii^i noU he <Asw 


K\^. T£# CONNOISSEUR. 194 

calbd fiiK) I intend to^ b»|^ wkb^ Ao JOdMb 
MmiL Societ^^to^undertake in the lump tofmtHh 
mjr Qfice wididefences of iMi. AlkgMi»y tfc^ 
And* 'till I em> procuve fixtie ptop cwaie outaf 
tlMi eounlryt or ^nritor firam die ttirif«ir&]% to 
tmile tho iitwi^n/r Smmm &f mmm^ Divinm 
latify dtei^id^ tumratOtdOt^iimd^ I mvA flSilii 
ihift with the Fk^-Pmfim now out of bufinefi. 

TfH>v<»K I fliaU not keep any drunatic 
wwte ready made by me, (itt thefir commoditi^i 
are apt to grow ft^ a^d out of Mrionv} yet 
eMier o( die tkeaSFea msy be ftrved wkh^tragedyy 
coflMdy^ &ree, or the 13^, by be<})eriDing tfaem» 
and ghring birt thfee dnyt notice. Fortbeoomiie 
pi e egj I (ball employ a poet, who has long worked 
fJMT thedioib at BrniMmma and Smt^wark ftha^ 
and bat even printed a comedy, a» it was h^ 
aAed at Dnaj^Jjm. My tngedies will be ftir« 
wifl ie d' I7 a NirA^Brim^ who walked il|» to 
Lmtm from bis native country hift winter wfth 
»anoft iiiUime tmgedy in his coat^pocket^ ai^ 
which is now to bedi^fed of to die beft \Micn 
Any oM play of SImhfptare or Ben Jobnfin ihall 
bt pieead mdi modooi ones aeeonKng to die 
prefimt taAe, or cut out in atrs ami reeitativelbp 
%nBi^^Opir0^ Sot^forPamomimesmay be 
bad, to be fet to tbodadi of o niJU> die think* 


iqa J** CONNOISSEUR. N^.gS. 
liffg of t tin xafcade, or the flaps of l&rk^tms 
.wooden fn^d. The proprietors of our puUic 
Gardens, doling the fommtr feafon, may^ be alio 
(tipplied from, my Office mth Love-Ditties to a 
new BwrthcOf 6r comic Dialogues* la QfanA^\ 
«nd words ihall at any time be fitted k> the mafie^ 
after the )Cunis;uecdmpofiKi. '« 

As I propofe to make my Office of general 
utilityi every thing; that b^ars the leaft affinity to 
literaturp .wUl^ be najturally comprehended in my 
Scheme. Members of Paiiiament njay be fup-* 
plied w;jjth:Spe^e8.o« ^y poljikal iuh]t£k i and 
Cpi^ryjuftices; may, m diieiiiog a Uitcc.(poft 
paid) to the Office^ have Chai:ge& to th^ Jury at 
die Quarter &;ffion6 fent down t6 them by the>firft 
cpach or w^gon. Addreiles on particular ocoa^ 
i^s {hall |>e dra)¥n up for the worihip^ul Ma^or 
an^, At^^ipen ^ any city or corporation : LawS) 
Pfil«b IJ^f^pJ^^iotn^ .or;Qr4f rsv (ball be fOfiMd 
((^ Vi^ ^jf^ff'GpIUcfns, TJbiqUflriamy Gngmofth or 
spy other private claims and fgcifiMes,. N».S *.Th9. 
Frit Mafim m^ydtpcnd upon. (ecrcfy. , , . 

, ^.Many advantages m^y Ukewife accrue to^the 
polity wQ^Viiffom the eftaUiiI)ipen|li of my Office^ 
Qen^^mmand ladies 9%ay bav^ Bi^0i*Aux^'vnn%tw 
for them, with the moft fofc and laoguiihhig 

expreffions : 

tC^\xGs^j:asil^\>e'^MV&z at iS* 

mdhph^^di!tiy€f iA«sfta4fe';fiiCtfifegtofs at 
^fbcti p^fce ia!f thfeybs^-'fotiritf;' BSfaiHPfaay fee 

titeif I^iMHi'cftfe; di^'ftiay them'*el^it» 6iit in i* 

fdvcs. Gcndcmcn who love fig)«tng, but <pnnot 
write, may have ch^allenges penn'-4 for them in 
the tnie iHle ^nd (fint ot a 'modern Blood. 

Thbre arc many other oonvemenckxarifing^ 
from fuqh. gn^Ofiotft^iirii^xfril^oun bi:^66o «edioii( 
to enumerate: and it wiH befuund to. be n6 l^fl» 
beneficial to you authors, Mr. Tow^f, than thofe 
x>th&rRe£i/f€riQffkiszPet6m€n irtd^myitf-ISrvant's;^ 
If am.^udtor (&>r examf^) ^wantsv^em^yrtjciitvl 
or is out o^idtice;.^^' Iirfa twrthing*, t4> ,^';blli^ toX 
enter his name with me, and £ flial! prefcntly get 
liiiti*woHtf brif'a' BtSHcKIKt- S;^ai?t^ ^ hartd-fotf 
any* pfej«i*ur!ar joBifas'* ^atmnhfi' fpmtY, ^ 
«6vemfireaver, a- play-wrigKt, a verfe-tufher; or* 
tHelIke) upon fearchmg my tiookfs hewiirb6fur6* 
to? rteet ^h a'-toah-fit fbit flii* biftnef?.* Ki* ffiort ^ 
aAf <:awp6fefoA, to^pmft' or'VhymieV aM^ oh Iny ' 
fiAjeai'may' Be 'proctird^kt^ a^minVite's'-Urafning, ' 
by a^mg td my CH8c6 r iirtd^ V dire" fty, you* 
yourfclfi Mr. To-Vt^, wffl «c v^r/glad ttow arid" 

Vot. III. K ' then 

194 ?i&#<?ONNOI8^t;yJL N*.^,. 
dsen to {Mudiafe ^^Cmmifiurti wt, wbgifSfver 
Che idle fit finsEcs yp«. If jtbat fbciuld .happen to, 
come upon you diis week, and you liave notbif^. 
better, you will oUige mf by laying tb? Scbeffe 
here fent beficice your readc^ ; and to return, you 
fliall have the ciedit of pnbliftjiyg your papersat ; 
my Oflke^asfoooa$itiftop^lled,2^l^welcQD|e« ^ 

r am, SIR, 

Your hunibfc.fcrvant, 

J. Wits Et I.. 

M^— — ^— — ' !■■■ > llll \ \ I — 

Numb. XCVn. Tbrn-JiUy^DeciffiSer 4^17^5. 

" ' — J ji ' ! ■ 't: 

De te pendentiS) te rd^dentis amipi. Hoft« 

T/mrfriifidlj ymr pimp^ yoiir bwtger^mj^ tshai mtt- 
rmrititquij^butwitbmth$JhouIJif'in$t. ^ 

IRemembeil tp h^ebeard aicoufin^foHoe, 
who was formerly at Cambri^e^ oftcai men* 
tioning a k& of I%:Iofophers> diBinguifl^ed by 
the reft of the collegians under the appellation of 
T^ft-Hmters. Thefe were not i^p 4iifcif^ of the 
Stoics or Epkunans^ or. the advocates for the old 
or new philofophy, but the fdlowers (iiter^y 
fpeaking) of die feUow-commoner^, nobfcmf n, 
and other rich ftudents, whom, it feems the 


N^^;-' 7»CONKOISS^EUR. 195 

coiiitdiy of thcXJnivcrfity has honoared with a 
cap tdorhed with a gold tofleh Thde gold threads, 
have ilmoft lais much influence in thtUniverfityy 
ai iHred^or a blucTibbahd at court'; iind always 
dtaW after the weiird- a trSih of htnribfc cdmpa- 
nions^ #ho will be aft iris caH' to bmdcfaft, dine 
or fup with him whenever he plcafes^i'^will go' 
with him any where, drii^ with him, wench with 
bim, borrow hk money, or let hiin pay thiir 
reckonings Tiiey ate, I am told, a fciit<>f difeafe 
of-tfaeiplace, which^i man: offcrtuno |s fure to' '^ 
catch as Uod as hk airives there : add ^thefe- foft 
friends ftick/odbfe tohibj that he ikn never fliake 
themoffwihile be koepeihifr gown^onhis bodcl 

The Uiiivcrfity of London is not without it's 
Tt^HunUri^^ Who faften^ llk6 keches, oh a 
young man of fortune at bis- firft coiiHng to town. 
Th^y birffet'bim as Tft)to as he arri\fes, ind when' 
thcjr hkvt'once fu^roun^ed hiin, fel^dmfaii ^ 
fcctiring him to themfelvesj for W perfons of 
cbat^er care to have any connexions with him, 
when' he has been frequeittly feea b -^fuch bad 
coiif>panf,^!t is^ii'^rea* ihi&fc^ 
ge^ml^^tc^fikB lAto thiir^hands: th^^gbiiideed, 
as'^^fodl 1^ tlfc naitut-aY prey of khavcs, thdVeakfiy* 
m^ihtsEineifs'Of^tMs'fraWmity are generally tioner 
of^lhe w«lefti and as at ft« UniVerfity, •* where 
:1 K2 "the 

t^^ . Tht. .'C CMS N 15--S © U fc\ N»..-^t> • 
*' t|j« ^cBwpd p«te 4ucka( to the g|9l4<^ ^»'* 

wU^ %,8oI4 tiHft, 1 aliifajis cqnfifjef (hf|^.ifHr%«l! 

wiA ^^ ^Ik, fenfs a^ w^ to,<)«<MM *« 

aVWlb (^m,-. /; ,., .. :,.:.; „ ,) ,. .,, .; • : 

; . ,' /• • ' ■ 

The 4iitl«£l bf tlieTQwn has v^^cxprefliv^ 

of( A>**l»e, t))& jdiQ Jiame of! HS^ig^t*'^. Thef. . 
wMU: iedoed^^ndce ia/olL fmthAii^ uA. faang oil a. . 
Tc^M %9^&M^^ than ! iCiijk Alrobibiinpaifibl4.ttt . 
dropttttsot Wihfiiri6crf]|0gqulaiiijiakfH)^2tts^lhfi 
Hanger-on is fure to be at his elbow. They will 
fqjiqeiHi U5«pi^clvii8 ipt^ every fwuty ib^tiij fonwd % 

thjipjl^yiq^ intf? ^X9f^gc^\hw^h. ^ 9^^W^ t^ 

th^ftl^^t ^yfelic^b^ ha^b^W k^yM ^ .4iOTor;r 
wWcl>, iwk?f4j I *ink; WfE)l4fliW>^ iKbaRiifPproper^ 
cu(^r??,, Moyi«te4 thQ^. WQmW/ ftifeinit to ft^jt 
b^4ed]bj§ jC^^r^ Tl)^. ^^l^iqfe fi| ql^frly^ t^Jt 
aH ^. ^^}^9fii^^^9^tm f^ bWf, Jitql|ru4fet. 

be. ^^frte^j as.«np|i*fa/iih^^^ 

fp«aki^ of Xbf«k . T*e: /fe/j5irr«yfcjp«g^ 

5 I'. his 

Titk tWiacfeufcrf^ of aii7K«ig*f--t«r fe ft .*t^ 

eft 'toa%«)f Fimt* tfi«!^ taffiiSf^^ 

.sIowe&aWe«^%*fe i^2(p{^5t^6dM^)B«rTpii?(^ Ijn 
l>k «firi to'^^ftibftik' io ftfch ^ptrfaSKftffe' tttt^iaii6. 

iiftiihutti^t^ Wretch^ fcy ^tae*i^*ttii WWi jcon- 
-aciil^^ : tni^.-jj^Hf jtdfk¥ is nitJfeB Wca^kig, pro- 
ilfkfaed: jrWilyitt %fWv|ti%yftf^ ^ii '<H^r<(^gn^ of 
-•fiifiiHarity; ' ai 'li J ^f^aSiM* *T%^ V«l kER^ fubniit 
« odd Mly a4nk"i$ffi^^ ^MW^j^'to tt^ke 

Xfortbnityr Th^ wHl go^ flwo^ Uie'bHikferB b 
v/bctfi-oM moAd^ ite y^,i{»lilip M^^^tdt^l^iibviiit 

* * It ttiiirt ,i^cre 6e noted^' thai every Han^ir-on 

ts ^ perfon of !^i^ hohour and a ^ehtlemah ; 

' foi- though is (ortiine is ^to be fiire) fooi^what 

- Wfcf lor td ^duirf', arl^ hfe fu^inJfe' to VaKeKifa- 

* */ellf eohvettieht on f?v^i^al occafiohii,^ yei^bri that 

* K 3 account 

j{|8 .?ir GON^PISSEVR. Nr^- 
,:icq»upt jou are in4cbtf4 to hit- infinite good- 
nature; and all hi$ endeavours tQ^j(i:rve you 
proceed from hb great regard for you, I re- 
mtw^r pqe of. thefe friendly, ^^tl^m^ yo^lfo 
carried his efteem fo far, that in a quarrel with 
hi% irjfh companion^ in which he was AVQured 
wichfeyeqd jtweak^.bj the nofe, and k|qk$ on jBke 
^nredit ^e ieceivicd all diefe ii^uries with patimict^ 
. and only faid^ ,with tears in his eyet| f^j Dt$r 
•f 3M>jI 9^CT expeaod- tM^ ufagc fro^ yotu 
«< Yoi| know I don't mind figl^ting; but I (hould 
«^ Dfver have f ;npmcnt> peacje, ,if I va»$ pa do 
.** yo^ the leaft injury. Coma, y0ci^$ bufa 
. V , and be friends^** T^k gWtility if linque^aoo- 
; abie; for they are (eM^n* of any ir^dk^ duhigh 
, they arciQmctimep:(being yo^pngcf bpHhett' pd-- 
haps)^ffi.proM?<¥K.. X J;ii|^w onTt who is'a oo- 
mina) lawyer f bu^ thqugh bi$ friend .Kiir often 
fee'd ,him» pfxr CcHi^fellor iCfHild n^verv liridk.i^^y 
: propriety qEmi^Aer;fh{^,4(9 a^cUeiitt^.Md'/IfaK^ 
. another,. wha^Ute^'Mcf-in ttetJUy) i^icatted 
Captain, whofe elegant nulnn^riofiliting-.tnltftbe 
fupported by his being on full pay with his patron, 
fmce he does npt-reqeiye even the ^nxinoft ibi* 
dicr'a groat a day^from his cominiffiop. how- 
ever, confideriiig at one view the gentility of th^jir 
profeffion, ^nd the fliortncfs of their fioances^ 1 
oiften look upon fhem as a band of crecaye^ g^p4^ 


N*. 97- "^ CON^^IS S^%k7 1^9 
men, th^ hbnourlblfe p^fionets of tiofc tKey fJl- 
loW. The ■ ^eit men * amort^^e RmaHs had *a 
nUnAerdf tUefie Hangers-^ j %b6'&tteiided ificii 
wherever they Went, and wfeteeihj^liaticaHy ealM 
Uinbray or Shadows ; and, indeed, thb appellation 
conveys a very full idea of the nature of Acfe 
iiumble retainers to the wealdiy, fince they 'not 
only foUow then! Ift^ their ihivdows, but ^^iiice a 
♦* fiiadow prove the fubftinfce true ^ for whenever 
you ^Weiire oini or xa&tt of 'theib- tJnArk perpeta^ 
aity at the heels of any gentSSeittan, you may &ir}y 
conclude hiiii to be a man of fortune. 

Th15SE Taithfiil fricndSi are. fp careful of every 
thing that concerns you^, that t^ey always enquire 
Wi^ the greate(^ exaSnefs into your aiFai,rs,' aiiS 
knowalnioft as well as your fteWsu-d the iiicpme 
of youreftatij. They are alfo'lb* fond of your 
company^ and fd defirous of prefervin^ your good 
opinion, that an Hanger-onynW take as much pains 
tp keep yoi^ entirely to birnfelf, and to prevent a 
rivs^I in your affe^ions, as a iniftrefs: and as & 
convenient female is a very np deffary part of the 
equipage of a perfon of fa(hioh, tbele male com- 
panions mud be a very agreeable part of the re- 
tinue of thofe high-fpirited young gentlemen, 
who are fond of being tbe head of their company. 
It is only a more refined tafte in expences to pay 
K 4 a man 

1^ ^aan for M^g^iQg ?^ i]^ur wit ;»^ u/^ul^^^g 
.4)ofiUc with jrw ^ tlic uwfPi ^^mn iP'fiiifW 

I' - -'.-.'". ... •■."•• V ^ 
. I i^iQ^HT alfp tfikc potioc jof aij bumbler 

^ t;lUir. t^fps. T^^.:}(iqv|, ip4^^ ;iff fefc 

tfes purpofe ih^y ;k!;cp,^jrf5gi^ »f It^ft IWW 
of dining of all their acquaintance ; and though 
they cpntriye to call in upon you juft as^oa^re 
fittmg down to table^ they arc always wkb itiucl^ 
l^iffitulty prevailed on to talce achafr. If you 
dine abroad, or, ate gone inito the^jr 
>vill eat with yo^uriamily, tp |MfCvent tbetr beii^ 
pclancholy on acpov^pt pf y(Hir aWeiic^ | px if 
vpur family is out^ they will bsp^kfefj, 4Ine^;' and 
fup,with you out pf chaxity, becaufe you {hojuM 
fiot be alone. Every houfc is haupted with theie 
difhirber^. pf ;Our meals : and (>erhap3 the beft 
way to get rid of the»), would be to put them^ 
with the rej^ of your fervants^ upon boards wage^» 

But b^Cdcs tbeife dangWrs after men of fo^une^ 
9^d iptr^i^CfSfP jour table in tpwu^ :tbf coon^ 

try breeds a race of Jowly retainfin^ jsbkll jn.ay 
properly be nidcetl oMoiig IcH^ Akbc %ecir<. 
Atmolt every famity fuppoFis f poof ktrxftrnm : 
who, h^fcningXQ be np way re|a^^,to the eftate^ 
W^s too proud 0^ hjs^ UQ(^to^^^g^^ 
his youth tp i^n/^pfV^^pic^ia^^f?^ ^ 

be iUpportcd in lazinefs at the family- feat*. Theji 
are, indeed, known perhaps to be coufins to the 
fquire, \m4& not if{!^ar tiVA ^ll«c!l^ tlwJti&ble 
light, than bit ftrvimrcf^^ «f <A4|«vjr.|^ dMifikx^ 
times aaMklii>(ilbri^taiii«iJ^«flii^-of^^ 
gery, as jb0^gM(M^'0«v«lAip()t^^jh> t:il^ 
fraternity o£ Hangers -on^ whether in town or 
country,. ,w ibddr ^hatev^'^deiMnfihation, are 
the fons of idlenefs : for it will be found upon 
examination, that whenever a man, wfabfe' bread 
dependt on htrhduflf^vgnics'himfbif iq^^'InA* 
Jehee,'tie becoihfer Gap«Ue^4>f any'^ineiMifcfr.wblh- 
.met ;: land if tB9f^amm^sj^y0i^')a^i^mHi^^ 
ikm^m Ug tt^y ar^miiifi>mkti^ J^ !<> j/t: Ji • r^ 7 - 

Mi ntCON[NOjsa^uAi h\^. 

Numb. XCVIII. nm/daf^DiemUr 1 1^ 1755^ 

tft id oftchdereili, quod ^ ifti ^etn putant. 
Id iioh fieri ixv^xirx^ ntkju^ adeo ex aequoeii bono^ 
'Se^ fk alfeiUndbV ihi\Agktiii^ ttiargi^ndo.— — 

ftlMitfiJlm $M it? FMf^ «r G^-natuM? 
.. UfhtTi.a^i^filfiHdfy 

'.:,-: . .Ta. MSd[rl, T O H^ M, r ^ 

SIR, ' ' /, 

I.H/v*v?' been fome yean married to one of 
Ihebeft women ialhe^.vcvid; ^e.|>Qflfc^ 
>aU the wtnes thatc^ brnamed: biit alas ! flie 
poilefles fome of theqa :to» excefs. . . TI10& which 
I wiih to particularife, and which are infinitely 
pernicious to me and my fortunes, are her 
fuper-abundant Good^nature,^ and her boundIe& 

It is a little difficult perhaps to afcertain, 
what ave, or ought to be» the exad bounds of 
Good-nttture^ urtiicb^ of all virtues^ feems to> 

N^.g%. Thi CONNOISSEUR. 203 
me moft neceffiury to be confihed, or at lead mi- 
tigated in fuch a manner, as to hinder it from 
deftroying it's own excellence and utility. Oa 
the one hand, if it is reftrained too clofe, the 
world will fay/ diat it muft enthrdy. lofe it*s 
ellence : but, on the other hand, fatal experience 
has convinced me, thlat if it is permitted to enjoy 
a full unlinlitted fway, this amiable virtue be- 
comes a ridiculous vice ; and brings with it, as in 
my wife*s cafe, fruidefs expences, ill-judged con- 
ceiBons, and a kind of blind folly, that is always 
liable to contempt. ' ! ' 

Generosity is the daughter of Good^nature. 
* She is very fair and lovely, when under the 
tukbn of Judgment and Reafon ; but when (he 
efirapes from her tutors, and aSs indifcriminately, 
according as her frncy; allures her, (he fubjctts 
berfelf, like her mo&er; to fneer, -lidicul^,^ 
and difdain. ^ ; ^^ f. 

To illufbate thefe aflertions by Ibme examples 

firom among the hrahy" miffiaps,^ IbfTes Mnd^ em- 

btfraflments, whitfa have atcVil^ tb us ii^ the 

couifc <tf*our dbmtlHc afiaii^, gtVemfe leave 

' to iSi'fsiii that foiiie ^rs^agcPinf^ had a fi^- 

"fc^,yh0^^lia^ attd had Ae ctiltb^y 

K 6 aSbrd 


afFofd ¥8t. The Mlow ¥W ^kWfUdt wd uofit 
for the ft^itioQ ^ but ix>y wife very ^d-natui:t% 
was detefcnii^d tQ keep him m our fervice^ be- 
a^uk he intended tft nyir^ |he Mffoy-maidy 
gnd W9ul4 MQd9ub(e4)y,fn^ aa exoel}enc huf- 
band. The ufqal was a thief; but as it is iU- 
naturcd tp fufpcft people, before we have fyJl 
proof of theif khavcry, fcvcrjJ of his triclcs and 
petty larcenief wene attributed (o the itinerant 
Jcw& and higiers, (we diea living dit. Nemngton} 
wha frequently called at our door. At 1^ how- 
ever, after feveral rogueries,. %o^ evident to aU^ 
except the blindly- good -naiured, he went oS 
with ji^ vwfcfs ^ Tfpea3Uog:wa)tcbm aod * pais 
of QU4r b?ft.filvej candleftieks^ wiib which hie v^ 
luntarilv trapfporied ' hifofelfj as we have be*;;* 
fince told, tp tLe W^-hMet y |eavin||; h^ miftrcfe 
the i^r^-maid big with <:hild, and thereby 
givinff great ii9eii(;e tQ 't>e .^i^hboN?:b^od to arv'- 
Hiadvert iipon my wife's amazing |^Kfti«nce i^ 
fbrefeeing bis excellencies ais a bulbed. 

Yaw piuft kiwu^iSii^ *al vp^ de^ cottfoir,. ««C0NN01S5EDR. ^5 
ii amji bat ais no uimorricd (ermm to be 
kmni m Mr. FisUkg's Regiflcr-Ofiof^ or dfc- 
^hefie» but what are vicioM ^ At kaft- 1 mi 
luitt l^mt thts pteoe of fanditf is lay cmptufa e 
in i«*s cfif^ 9nd ia attended wkk imii3r iaoeft- 
vfflkiiriga. One<tf' brv maidf ^ ahoit two fnars 
-l^O) ifai difeovcied ycrjtf intimate mtk my 
footoian: my wife, t» prcvieat ill cQn<eqiiaiiocs» 
baf^ have tbcm matiie4aad was prdcnt 
bciiclfatthecemnQay. She adorned ^mMlefty 
of the woaaaat-and the^lbber gfnvitytof jteiteaii,. 
' Quiring the holy incai wd iMa^emtrdlfcdnviiioad 
ijmt m hanik coidd hane liapfqne4fnNn fedeeent 
a couple.. In a (hort (pace after the mardagr^ 
Patty brought forth a/winging girl ; but as it was 
born almoft % moDthsbefove Wa ikn^.p^^-vrife 
advifed thcia to keep it tlbc mnaioifi^.balf y^m in 
cottop. She did tiut |Muely .^fopi^^i' iiiot|i(f^ f[ 
, good-natw,. Ho flpifcW j£ R#bk t^ ^fp^mafrji^ 
wx^a9.> reputa4J90).bi»f 4<KKog fur pcjgh^ys 
fleer at theinqideiMt aip^i fiii^le coote^ttpoi^^^t 
the pMfcription of )cottD% fl)^ r/wuwryfhr^aJfelf 
. io believiag /^z^'s owj» account^ tbat <^ in. truiji 
^ (bcM bec9i manriedt efght np^^aMoiiel^jp a 
,^ fl^rpvfeo^buiftw^s^aidtc^CfWf^^^^ .; ' 

If* my.wiCc^ WulsJQg bet dfmc^4ll.|arf^li- 

to6 jre#. CONNOISSEUR. N*. 98. 

than merely tteir being laanied, it mig^t^ in* 
deed, fomtttkne$ prove'a benefit : but the cbafifer 
and iBOie (bber tbejr have been before marriage, 
dK greater number of chiMiaeii are produced in 
malitmony ; and^ny mfe looks upon berfdf as ki 

idtttf <^iged to take care of the poor belplcrs 
cdFsprings, that: have been begotten under htr 

. aw» roof; &>- that I aiiire you^ Sir, my houfe is 
ib. Will fiUed with children, that it wobM put you 
ttBinediately in mind of the Foundling Ho^ital\ 

.wihtlhis difference, however, Aat in rrryHofpitd 
iioC4>nly thbchiMren are provided for, whether 

^bdlarde or legitimte» but alfo the fathers and 

• 'YobR tjfficei Mr, Censor, requires and 

leads you to hear domcftic occurrences j otherwife 

I ftbuld-fcattt hJave troabled'you with the records 

oiP V prifite farhtly, almoft ruined by excrefeencies 

• of virtue.* "The fame overflowhig humanity runs 

' through Ihfe vrtiWe coAdbd of Ae dear wohian, 

^^iflioifnMia^ tfietition^d. Even in trifles flie is 

firil'bf worlra'of Tupererogattbn. Our dtwrs iarc 

'perpetually furrouridcd with beggars,' where the 

halt, the matnied, and fiie'BKnd^'^ftiible'ln as 

great numbers, as at the door of the Roman 

Cithbnt <3fei^^ not 

' 0% ghrierthtoi mdoey, but ftS^ diem ^dut gre»t 

i' ' quahtitiea 


qvafsfti^eaof. brtead^bcer, and cdd vid»al$; and 

flue ha^ her different pmfmimt (aa (be ber^ caOt 

them) f(^ {every day ia, tlie week. BtiC the e»» 

;j^W^ jittQiidiilgJhdeoi^oocpetkiQQm^. 1^^ 

,of ^h^in^ ban^iromrtiine to timd tMeai dtfonvcml 

.to>e>:inipoftot9^ is noibniig io.comparifoato the 

XiifilSi;i^ajt;arrilto)9A <Uly .dmi«i^ Jfom.ber. b^ 

bfpg^i^ kttQTd* ; Itifl im(K)ffible to imagine a o- 

,laiiMCy» by ithi<ih flie baa not beta a fiifferer, in 

Lrriieviiig thpfe rtitoo hajw extorted ntDneyfiontber 

^U.pflctffndpcl milfort^^o<i%.» Tbft.poortbriynbia 

.h®Bai8^h"Au||i^ k>a<» ifetr»df^^liiftaiBe4 gwat 

^3^9^4Sfi^. b7i%>iyn4ei7gpni$:iMnyjhiri{b^;fi^ 

.^l^fif^ 9Q4^oibei^fi|f0Ger(w^i4eli4rQ^ 

.was^butytftci'dayith^ibp R%M.%)f^9pg!tb^mry% 

bill^ .bco^ght on % a vi^Ieiit fi^m>. ., r.Tbffft ,$i'|» 

tbough my wife keeps but little company, and 

-^ tf)uiMtyIeiqpemei& ^urfotoi^ a^f a mj^ ac ^ tcry 

ii^ftaH^yeijAiitdear wbnoiaa's fup^vti^Bit (pfocl- 

c>mtitic[ vil fudir.aa perpetualii&QiifriiadDtcin! Jii» 

fNCtrfVSigAtftiH aifjttigri? Gai c i x) i ty renders idl 
'l)^nMi9$ym9,e]((^i^iestaf aonc;4^^ add I 
>a3i6i.%f^lk&f»i^ ber.atopft:di:^tflbo£«kfttbi» 
^^Q:a3aeJb»3fcp4:4i|^i^ jwboleiwaidHibe 

aiiMig;I^iir%:QftopbiuQi3».«od Iqrimntei^. \ .:/! 

. THt£S9.5ir, as biriefljr it 1 can,^^ I bive ftt b^ 
Ibn )Hxi ihj nahappy cafe. I am ptrfflting by 
<kgi«lB8 f ^t ky any feat eanravf^Ace, any ^ 
fiiyiiiilniini or ai»y iodtiigttio* cf li^Mf]^ inif iidi» 
jMthrperfiHtwhodeAro^ca*; Otttfce^xmttary^ 
3i> «MHan QUI excel mf wife ii>th^ fitttplidHy ^^ 
libr diefi^ iWliuaftliiycif HivdefitiMy (*> iiie c^t^- 
seated ei^hieis of hernatupe^ i Whal naihe^ Sl^, 
tflult i gkre CO afiy ttiiifortttnes ? Th^ pt^m«Ai 
not. Aoifti. vke« Iter even from fdSf :< t^y pmeeai 
?fi»ni loo tender a htart^^a feMrtf^^kt MirMis^ 


<fitflfter ip^^Sbft, itvakthd. JjbtmcOfBirvMt 
iiffiBg I touft }tm the drarhalKf thitt aimftt me; 

V olifcaiyTlfflllp: lieu0ofi^>eciit»ipoiI^o«Al irft 
Jkif^ in|hitBrnqi»c|vlfi*s fimhi te^biirfittHttie^^ 
idifcnatuciiJi%cdSddflu«I^CRi^naui^^^ Wbtn^tfte 

«Kce6 : .m^/ai i Inrve^ liot fiNii^Uik|»Mic|dari$ha- 
^rafier ddtdaitod^iii any of yotiy pa{ii»i^ I bii^ 
leod^Jeoured tb paiiil i^wyfelf i and^bi^ dn^ tb 

N^ to A#wn»ft»yi;i>iOMf«ft»g;, Thl^l^ttilNas 
of Generdtty are feldom repaid in any oiher cotHt 
|>bl^ Mendii and ingratitude : and we ought ever to^ 


f«?JWn#'*^!»«» mS^itt^JfSm Si»n^v*.t«BF 

%!:['/;/ .311 *... V /'!' v/'.:u;r ofl} 03 isv^ltriv/ 
- -' Da ventatn, fenrlrc tuis quoil iib^o t>1ciia[isi 

•> • ,'";•.' ■•i'.;/T :;./.'' Of.:. v-'( 111 o t .'.V!sj*v\«K 

i' ',- .■■■'.Ji ,' '.'ti' ';o .-.i.'.-i jc ; ,0' : ii'-v/ ol 

^. ,. fefound witbtlM cgrifif hkwAb^l^^^ 
iuid icittxy ft*U w coycjapd vfirfi N«wt^Qi|i;diP 
£ur94 Diaries, Prcdfdionst Qm^Ieie £|p)M9ipirr 
jides3 &c. drawn up by PariridgM^ Parkir^ VtMatilt 
If^mg^ and the le^ of the ,6gacioiift body pf Phir 
Jomaths a^d Afiiolpgcr^, giv^ inc^l^V'f toia^uaait 
jou of my intentioai pC wS^^^^^^-^^^^wUX^^i^ 
j^ capaatjr* YMmuftkiiow^SMVtbaibiiyif^ 


"(flRfervedi^^thiit Wong tfiegi^ variety of AArii- 

for die tt^dr^iJobleM. Aftiufa, lliave^^efelWd 
to remedy this djeCc& by [lublUhiag pne every 
ydur under the title of'tbe CcJuRi Calbkdae, 
fikilll^ lor;||u^ of St. James's. 

. _/ plui, wl^idi' ,lns',bera t^ett&'fi^w^ 
I^L^t'Almaii^^^^ no life 

whatever to the polite world, who are as widely 
fepara^ed^ in, their manner of living framr the 
5^>mm9n herd of peo|i)e» as the inhabitants of the 
^jfnilp^s^ ToknowtheexaARifingandScttk^ 
of the4toi, ^^^ehf6& ^trdR'the Vii)^ traAkf- 
*nm ^d^^kicdiatite^what to^bpenfliop ^c^ |d 
to work: but pcribns of falbion^ whofe houra 
are not mkrke^'^bptiie cobH^ ofdiat luminary, 
are indifferent about it's motions ; and Uke thofe 
who live under the Equino£tiaILine,^ have their 
(<kys''an^itig6ti ofati eqtia! degree^' of fength/^ 
idie^yeit round. The Rcd-lctter-iiys, t>ointed 
^Hlt tn^dur tomnion AtnJanacte, may perhaps be 
dbfcryti by ibme formal ladies, who regulate 
^heir going to church by them : but people of 
-quality perceive no difference between the Move- 
.able or Immovefable Feafts and Fafts, and know 
^lO^ijfebf Sunday, but as it lerves to calh them 
,to iht ditd-table. Wiiat iuivantagc cab. a beau 
/-. ^ ' ' ^ ■ reap 

vt^fpt^ft^^pt^iMfrhiMk of fh^^gpmi vMA^mi 
mow idfc^ibctf fcii;tlKflD,rj|irhiihf> nr^fin^ «Mi 

^sui^'fykfdffii no 837;i lod L^noq) nsf'j :. n 2;.d 
•v.ri ; : v''. :* '■./:: o.. i/ ■ '. :■ j- 'H lo «' I/' « I r; : 

:^ :Ii9i'toAi^of^fu^>oSng'wMl the tu^tf tribe 
ocif AllmiQOiciiv tteit thr ti^' l^iitt iit'SudrHd, 
:te]F(tda^» avUdi willi^oihmciic^^M^dicrtiii^ iMt 

-^^I^ ^c«Rihtlh^ ddim^ #^^i)f iififhr W- 

'Ht^V^M, cie^tbif^Mitf^ihe'y^,'W<r ea- 
rlier mni m9oaW^Q^ismi6'^ii^^^^dp.'^^'^^^ 
-tifitf.^^cH^IIAc^^ieJ^e <r the HilBfUjii^ of 

^j»y»jf^o#l*^ifi}ght W^aty- of many miftakcsj 

and when anhondl mkii trom CoMill intended^ n, 

nobleman a vifit after dinner, he would perhaps 

finA btei fippbig^ hk ' mormng chocolate; ^The 

Jis^avi^nfeopics .<tfjthe:£>lii>.%t3e.iiiJoiir manner 

ifift ri9Gk0Dii%':lhe ^ys were fo^ nianifeft> thatit 

•.:.:j. .-' Wa» 

Hi>iSri4HMig|«tiffepik to idbtidl^^Anfl^iAdttf 

i^ iDyf AlnwiarikrdvforeCflMisaiif lMitg>lbe iHOib 
^rtiTHtd than, ml fikaclil^ ntfiMf'bf J«l]bkl»»g}'«BM» 

has not then opened her eyes cm thik^Wi^abl^;. 
ind a Maid of Honour would no more rife at-five 
^qr fi3^M ihc-imMUfig^. *i it M^m eM^bfl the 

j^jj9,.,5ljruqV.# Ja^ffiiitifprorfc tbta.MlRftiMh 
,<fj t^pt j[CT^^3buftieft;M \>mr^i9fy{%t^lke^ 

: IThc #e6>nlrKi|kBiiiond)iGb. I;:hq\|i iffo iniile 

, in . :re4>Qfiit»i thh : RM^kttcb-day 3^&^»mnieftf.^. 

:ftfkta^>4il hate not ofdif 4iilp^^ «9^^t)itt 
ly 7 immenfi: 

fi^ifi^ Caimiai^. bit kavo alfo' l^toiCMt out aS' 
die odwr Sairus^ ihoEt ftiil rotnn ^dit^ '^acos!i 
in Q)ttrebiiiinonj4ifananfldDfti wtU kniMraiK^ilMi 

oid mme of St;^i!^;i« beetiilft ( tm Alr<s^tili«' 
propio o£ quaU^ iintt not tfataik of aoy^ hpd|%' 
being defigned under that title, except t&e ktev 
Lord BvGnghroke. Having thus difcharged tl^p 
Saints^ /W9^i^ dAbwr mh9d3^\imuji^^Ji<h$akitMxi 
care it9 introduab «ii]r Te^rs. into .ibefibeA^ 
company: fcr ihj»'He<Mei«cts,jfciLiii7 CalMtarr 
wffl. ftr«e'lo di#iii^^ tbofe dajo (m> lUHdui 
ladi^fs^ of 4lie firft hMtft^ bcop- dm voaty; and: 
vHitiiig-di^&-;. a, work of infinioe uTe^ atmDz ta / 
tho.per%is of diftin^on dieinfchie% a» teaH |fib(ia > 
^hor^ have any tncierd0urfi9^ poBlq worldij i 
l^t roafiini(|f 'thr jiearVcaMKVini]^' difiiiguiAbdi i 
by the appellatbm of i^. wdiifil. tlQf^{e»,'«>i: 
time of hUiQ%y, I Ihall, coi[nfider» ^Mrdfiig^ tft 
its. realr figntfiqatfott in. tfae* 6mv «iMK(r, dt. %^. 
yq^Iy felUyalf aisdihalUt tiafirafon^i. Qlelllioncit:^! 
udder i^AmcmAamtiiRiMiV^Q^^ :Thtfci 
piiipriety-of'tifir^itutt beienidaif ikifirft %hliii: 
fio^inotlfiiig ii^ ifo ^btii, . asi diat^at iSaty{eiSbtk^ :\ 
all fcinddP ol dUi!eif^>ai sa)d(j6Uit]^v8fe ati tbctt I 
. ' M : ' > " heigh 

hf%h| itk this Isttrapdia. : Infteai of^th;e il&» 
i$ thi Mmmackj I at fiift inienikd (iii imkation of 
Mr. JQhu^*j8 Meiiioiaiidiim-*Book) to ddmeatc 
tbe figure jbi a Fioe Gdideamivdrcft iUmade c • 
biK:L wasiutkogtb ddenninedyrbjriihe idvicerof' 
foiiie if^fmlQus ^fnends, ,«0i ;fiiiftrOtbe old ^id^ 
t» Beiilainitbei;^} fiote, ^.^jitMappears^ I^ run', 
thrdvgfi the. /body in ftv^ral i^accc, it may not 
knfroftiAf itpcefent that fa^nable cbarader, 

: .; : ./' ; ..'I :-: .- . / 
flir^the flace, which is allotted in pther 
Afantoacks for the Cbasge of Weatbety (as hail, 
fioft^ifiio#,cbudyvand (he liket) I flisdl fet dowA 
the Change of Drefi, < appropriated to different 
iea(bfis» and can^ under the titles of hats, capu- 
chins, cardinals^ fiicks, negligees, gaufe hancftieF- - 
cMefi, ennine tippets, mufiii Jkc. and in a parallel 
cdlunm (according to the cuftom of other Alm»- - 
nadcs) I fiiall pointout the feveral parts of tbfel 
body^aficAed by thefedianges: fttchai head, neck, 
breaft, ihouIders,-face, hands, fi^et^.legs, &c. And 
as Mr. Ridtr acdompiuiies every month with 
fealbnable Cautions about iykiog ;ti|mips, ratfiog ; 
odibages)' blood-letting, and diei like important u 
artidcs^ 1 flisdl gi»e fuch did^ods; as ar^ riK^ft^ ; 
fuitabfe to the hmnlmth : aa af ^>e^itnen of which^ • 
I ffiiatt beg leave to lay before you the following 


O B S E R V A Ti O N S 

...O N THE ' 

M O N^T H of MAY. , - 

If the Sea(bb proves favdaraWci it will be' 
proper at the Beginning' <^ this Month to atten<) 
to' the Cultivation of your Puhlic Gardens. 
Trim your Trees, put your Walks in prBer, ^^ 
look to your Lgmps^^lHiiie Ballads written, and ' 
fet to Mufick^'fiv the.eDDuii^ Stiamer* Ladies 
and Gentlemen tnuft be icapefuL not to catch CoM- 
in croffin^ the Water, or by expofing themftlves 
to the damp Air iri the' Dark Walk "atTiiiw- /Mi 

TowAUDS the middle of this Month the Air 
at both Play-houfcs will i>egin to he too <?lofe midr 
fultry for Ladies that .paiot, to. riik the Igft 95 
tbei^ Complexion in them* . ... 

About the End of this Month it will be ex- 
pedient for thofe Ladies, who are apt to be hyfte- 
rical when the Town empties, to prepare for 
their Removal to Tunbridge^ Cheltenham^ and Scar^ 
borough^ for the Benefit' of the Waters. 

I am, Sir, your humble fervant^ 

TM u M b1 C' Thurjiiagy Decmber 23, 17 55. 

Iltcet PaYafdicje arti niaximaih in malairi crucem! 
A^o. ?b illis, poftquani video me fie lu^ificarier^ 
Pibrgo sUl atios : vemo ad alios : deiade ad alios : 
una res, Plaut, 

L(t Tybncn tA tiejhmr^ uni th^ am y 
T^ fatJf. oi wmfifgami l^ a num of parts : 


T^ Mx..rOfffN. 


Ant' one ^ thoA;. i^ people* (of whom 
yott^lHMFC laftely given an account) who not 
being bred to any btifinefs, or aU^ to get a* 
lively hood by work,, have taken tip the fervjlc 
trade of a tibngtr-on. But as^ you have only 
juflf touched on the many dangers, and difficulties 
intideiit to this way of life, in order to illuftrate 
this part of tlic cbarafter, give me leave to 
prefent you with a narrative of 'my own ad- 
ventures^^.; ...^ J,. I , 


. ) ' ; 

I FlR^T 

I ^£R9T ferved taj time with «ki old liobkmiui 
in the countrjr;^ and as I wail^atKftailtif^atioii 
of bi^ l^d{h^*a, I was admitccd ^ fb« h0Wif# 
of at^tKHitg. hini in the.doable ^pttdiy ttf fsdef 
and opOdle^aryr Mj kufmeii m a mttmlrtg 
was to vmn on bim. at drefing-tiiM | td ^d 
the bafon while he washed bfs faan^ b)Qi€)d^ 
his (hoes, and tye on his neck-cloth : Befldes 
which, his lordfliip had fuch a regard for me» that ' 
nobody but^ najfeif w,a$ ever trufted wt(h citttkig 
kis cornsy or pacing bia^^toQi-nails^} and wbo^i^er 
he was fick^ i£ was s^ways^niy oflke'to hold Ui 
h^ad during th& operation of an emetic^ to a^ttod 
bim m the wacer-clofet wbeiv be took arcathaftic^ 
and fometimes to adnoimAer a clyfter. If hii 
lordfbip had no company, . I w^, ihdee^ ^er^ 
ipQItted toi (il at table witb hinni \ but ^enl htf^ ic*^ 
cclved any viritx>i?9. tnore grand jbail .orduiar})^ £ 
was equippe4.(togoth^.wa;ih feme ofr-titeboft?*. 
lookiitg tenants) in a lye-^wig, fuU^tiitpnied coat 
and laced waiftcOat^in order tofWell the retinue 
of bis fervarttS' Out Of UverJ. I bore my flavely^ 
with diQ grv^teft degpm pf . ptiieOoei as nije lord; 
wo^ld oft€iir:binttOiA(»itbat'l H}al^4NEdvidiedfQr,W 
hi&witt: hewevef, I hadilHefisiorfifiQCltion ti» find^, 
myfctf lupplanted : Jrf .hiai^.,gwd gcaccfe' by the. 
GhdplaifH who had alwajis'looketl ttpoaindas hk 
rivaU aiid contrived at les^th to ovit^wbeOdiet* 

Vol. HI. L out- fawn, 

xi8 75S*CaNNOISSEUR. Nmoo* 

put-fawiii tnd. out-cringe me. In a word, iny 
lord diqd : and while the Chaplain (who con* 
fti^Hly: F^yed by bim. daring his l^illnefs) had 
ihe ^dfiTola^jon of hanhg a good benefice fecured thciwilii my name was hnddled among 
thofb pf (he oomfHon farvams, with no 'higher 
kgacy t];un. twenty guineas to buy mourning. 

With this finall pittance, (befides what I had 
laMKie a lihift 'to (({iieeze out o^ the tenants and 
tzadefmea, as Zees fort my gofod word, when I had 
his ldrd(hip*s ear) I came up to town : and em- 
barked all I was worth 4n fitting myfelf out as 
a gentleman* Soon after, as good luck would 
have it, the nephew and heir of my old lord came 
from abroad i when I contrived to get into his 
favour by abufing his deceafed uncle, and faftened 
ihyfelf upon him^ It is true, he fupported m^ ; 
admitted me into an e^ual fliare of his purfe; but 
confidering tbe dangers to 'Which I was conftdntly 
expofed on his account, I regarded His bounties a^ 
only plaifters to my -fores. My head, back, and 
ribs hare rccdved many a |>ayment, which (hould 
have been ^plafced to his lordflHys account : and I 
dnce narrowly efcaped being hanged foi" murdering 
ar. {foot fellow, ivhom^ tny l6rd in a frolick had rqn 
through the body. My pati^on, amongi other 
marks of his tafte, kept a miftrefs 5 and I, as his 


N^-ioo. 7*/€ONNOISSEUR. itg 

t)articular crony, and a man of honour, was al- 
lowed to vifit her. It happened one evening he 
unluckily furprifed us in fome unguarded fianiHia- 
rities together : but my lord was fo far from being 
enraged at it, that he only turned madam down 
ftairs, and very cboHy kicked me down after her. ' 

I WAS thrown now upon the wide world again :; 
but as I never wanted affurance, I foon' madd 
myfelf very fimiliarly acquainted with a yotmg' 
gentleman from Irelandj who was juft come over 
to England to fpend hiis eftate here. I muft own, 
I had fome diffitulty in keepirig on good tefms 
with this new friend; as I had fo many 6f hlV 
own^ countrymen to contend with, whd all daim^ 
a right of acquaintance with him, and fotti^ of 
them even pretended tbbe related to him. -fidides,' 

. they all perfiiadfcd the young fquire, that they Kadf 
fortunes in diflSrent parts c(f Ireland • though not 
one df them nad ahy real eftate more' than 
ihyfelf : 'and, indeed, I alfo had a nonfiinal' 
1500/. per Ann. in the Pf^eft-Indies. Thefe furious 
fellows (for. Sir, they would all fight) gaVe mt 
liiuth trouble : however, I found out my yourig 

^ friend's foible, and' in fpite of his fcountrynien 

became^his infepafable companion. He waS not 

only irefy fond of women, but had 'a particular 

paffion for new faces : and to humour this' 

L 2 inclination. 

120 7i^ CONNQISrSEUIL NMoo. 

inclination, I was perpetually on the leok-out to 
difcover Trefli pieces for him* I brought bim 
mantua- makers, milliners, and iecvant-maids in 
abundance ; and at length grew fo great a fa- 
vourite, by having prevailed on one of my own 
coufms to comply with his propofak, that I 
verily believe he would ibon have made me eafy 
fi>r life* in an bandfome annuity, if he bad not 
been unfortunately nm through the body in a 
duel bygone of his owacountrjwen. 

I. NLBXT got in favour with an old cotenel 
of the guards, who hfippened tor-take a. fancy to 
tno one evening at the Tik-Tard coflFee-hQufe„ 
for having caaied off* a. pint bumper more than a. 
lieutenant of a man of war,, that, had dialleagjed 
my toaft. As his Ible delight was cc^t^red^n the 
bottle^ s^ he required of me waf to drink £la& for 
glafs with him ; which I readj^y complied withy, 
as he always paid my reckoningK Wbei}f<bbcr,.hc- 
was the beft-humoufied the wiorld : but. he, 
was very apt to be qnairel^meiand extremely roif- 
chipvous when- in liquor* He has more thna^ 
once, flung a bottle; at my bead^ and emptied the, 
cpi^tcnt^of a bowl pf pu«ch; in my .fi^ce : fooie- 
timps hs bus diverted himfelf by fetting fire to my 
ruffles, (halting the. afties of. bis pipe oyer my. 
^riwig^ or making a thrufi:.atme with the red -hot 

poker : 

N*.ioo; 7& CDKNOISSEUR. itt 

pohcT : and I i-emembet ht otioe foafed me alt 
6ver wilh the urkie <rf' <he vrhdc company, by 
clapping a lai^ge pewter Jodaii topfy-turry upon 
my head.. AH ^hcfe mdignities I very pttrcntFy 
put up with) as he was fure to make me doable 
amends for them the next morning : and I was 
vtry n^» prt)cwring a commiffion in the army 
through his imere^ t^hf n i¥> njiy great dirappoint-* 
ment^he was Aiddenly carried qS by an apopkyy^ 

You will be ruq>rifed when I tell you, that I 

next contrived to fqueeze myfeif into the good 

lapinion of a rich old curmudgeon, a city- merchant^ 

and one of the Circurociied. He. could have no 

objeSicHi to my rdigion, as I ufed to fpend every 

^SiMchy with ban at his country-houft, where I 

|>referred playing at cards to going to church* 

J^or could I, indeedv get any thing out of him 

jxyond a dinner : but I bad higher points in view* 

iVs he had nobody to inherit his fortune but an 

only dasgbter,. (who was kept ahvays in the 

•country) I became fo.defperately in love wtdi ber^ 

4hat I would ^ven have turned Jiw to obtain her : 

but inftead of tbat» I very fooli&ly made a 

ChriftiaH of her; wid we wcdre privately married 

at the l^lttt. WJien I icame to break the matter 

to tl» father, and to make an apdogy for having 

converted her^ he received me with a loild hught 

L 3 ** Sir, 

222 7»/ CONNOISSEUR- N^. loo. 

•* Sir, Uy$ he, if mj child had married die 
** Devil, he ihould have h^d every peony that 
*' was her due» But, as (be is only my Baf- 
*^ tard, the law cannot oblige vie to give her 
" a farthing.'^ 

This I found to be too true : and" very happily 
for me my Chrtftian wife had fo little regard for 
her new religion, that (he agatn became an 
apoftate, and was taken into keeping, (to which 
I readily gave my confent) by one of her own 
ttibe and complexion^ 1 iball not tire you witk 
9 particular deuil of what has happened to me 
(bee: 1 ihaU only acquaint you, that I have 
exadly followed the precept of '^ becoming all 
•* things to all men/^ I was once fypported very 
fplendidly by a young rake of quality for my wie 
in talking blafphemy, and ridiculing the bible, 
'till my patron fhot himfelf through the head ; 
arid I lived at bed and boand with' an old Methodrfb 
'lady for near a 'twelvemonth,* on- account of my 
zeal for the New Doi^flle, 'till one of the maid- 
fervants wickedly laid a child to me.' At prefent, 
Mr, Town, I am quite out of employ; having 
juft loft a very profitable place which I held 
.under a great man, in quality of his j>imp. My 
dffgrace was ovifing : tDt4he ^ba&neis? of asi , old 
> (kvirtt - Garden acquaintai^ whom . I palmed 


Nmoo. TSr connoisseur. 123 

upon his honour for an Innocent creature juft 
come out of the <;ountry : but the hufly was (o 
ungrateful, as- to beftow on both of us convincing 
inarks of her thorough kno^^edge of the town. '^ 

I am, Sill, 

Your ve^fy humWc fervant, ^ 

P£T£R Supple, 

To Mn r O IF N. 

I Have a little God-daughter in the Country, 
to whom every year I fend fome diverting and 
inftnidlive Book for a New-Tear'^sGlft: I would* 
therefore beg you to recommend to .me one £t fair 
the purpofe } which will oblige 

Your humble fervant, * 

T W 


To Mr. tr IF 

Know no Book fo fit for your Purpofe as 

the Connoisseur, lately publiihcd in 

TfvoPociit Fclamis; which I would firther re-' 

commend to all Fathers and .Metber^ Gr^ni^ 

£* 4 Fathers 


Fathers and Grand-Mo^rsi VndfA Ind Aaot^ 
God^ Fatten and Qod-M^JUhw^i to give to ihm 
Sons aiul DaiigtHecs^.QK^-Spni) tqd G»iiul<9 
Daughters, Nephews and Niecest G^Soni «nd 
God-Daughters ; — — as being undoybtedly the 
beft prefent at this Seafpn of the Yeari that can 
pc^Iy be thought of» 


N. B. Lar^ JSnua^ct to th$Jfi whrluy Sluantltiis 
iogivioway, , 
T ' '- 

,NuMB. CI. Thurfdayy January i, 1756* 

*J^f¥i)ue hifraistts imago. Viro. 

* In two'fa^d Janus we this moral find i 
HlnU^Wi lo9k forward^ iueJUuld look bibind. 
^ . • , \ - ... c '. 

AS the appointed time of our pubUc^tipn, 
now happens to fall on Ncw*year's-dajr, 
{ C9An^ open the bu&iefc of the year with n 
bettief gracfi| than by taking the prefent hour for 
th4 f¥l)jjrA of this paper : a fuiigeA, which pleafes 
OIK tbf jnoit» aa it alfo |)v«s me an opportunity 
. . - .of 

N*.fon *VCJOMJ*dlSSEUR. 225 

of paying my rHrfert Ae tomplimems of the 
<eafor>y and moft flrxJeitly wifiiing them all a happy 
ftiwyfor^ and n gr^f rhany efthem. But, in order 
«> malcc tbcfe civSltte^ of ihore confequCitcJe than 
•a ls»»r#c^Mlf>{dkii^my 1 ^ilt^^ eridearotU- to ^ive 
them a little wholcfome advke; by Which they 
may be moft likely to enfure to themfelves that 
lUf^jHoefs^ and to gor tWbu^ the earuit^ )*car 
.wiih eafe and trjii^inltQr. •- 

.' , ^ '. : >}'; - '•' 
No God it* i\k^ heMlten PaiHhtdn Was^ exp^tfled 
by more proper ^mbllft*^' 0^ ifioit fignifitantly 
reprefented, than Jafmi-^ P^m mt may faidy 
Ale in our tangviage^ the Go# of the New 
Year* The medafe, on whkh the image of thb 
Deity was engraved, bore two face^^ not oglrng 
)^ch other, Moe Ihofe on: th«i (biltthgd of Pj^V/]^ 
^EHid lAf^ry, nor cheek by jo^ Kke- the dy>Lible 
44fagci on the coin of 'WtUhm^^ aAtf Afatyy But 
-turned fmsxx facH^^ber; oneiodringfbi^Hrafds>, 
^ it wierf y im^ futHrky, and t^e other taking a 
tetrofpetSliv^ yievr^ of wl|at.waiB: paft. There 
cannot Jbe^ devifVd ^ ftrongcav or 'more fenfible 
)ciflr(>n <iif.mi9rjd inftf iidio% tbantlbtd % 
ua»: TMs cbuUe yid>^ rompt'eheitds in itfdf the 
^HO of biMiban :^nktenfe:^ foe the moft petfe£k 
xcafi^n i»n ^ im> hi^eir than; ^tvifely to guefs at 
ebefotarevby'reflcfiing on th& paftj. and mo- 
i . . ; L 5 tality 

A26 W/,CONNQ$&I)EUR, NMon. 

rality is never (p likely to perfevje^Fc in a fte^dy 
and uniform courie, as when k lets out with 
a fixed determination of qiutu^ly regulating 
the New Year by s^i f^cqll^ijwv of the Old^. 
and at ^e f^e tim^ iQatogth^ f^^Mi^g ^ 
comment ,pa the laft» 

Most «^ the faults in the general conduA 
of mankind, and their ftcquent intfcarriages m 
their moft favourite enterprizes, will be found, 
upoi^ examination, tO[irfj(uk from -an idfiperfe<3 
and partial vlc^ of) whfit tdatos to their duty 
or undcrtaki^igSM: Some regulate their adions by 
blind gucf% and: raflily prefuming oi^the future, 
without the leaft: attention to the paft. .Witfe 
thcfe the impetuofity of the paffions gives their 
,reafon no f^p^; to ^xertitfejfj.but, jnegleAiDg 
the premifcs, rtiey;jumpto;acOficiufiop. ©thci^ 
who arc ofim tabeH fcr^en: of ddcp fcflcakm 
and mamUoiis uaderftandingv^nEicditate fo pro- 
foundly on the j&ft, that they fearcettfkd any 
notice cUhrr of ihe pnefent or tlie faturc. To 
ihefc two charaacrs, whofc mifcond«a arifcs 
#r<i« twojfiich tottt^apy feJwrces; kiajK indeed be 
addea a. third, whofe wBd' irregito behaviour 
is founded en no fixt principles^ bwt I proceeds 
from a total abfence of thought and tcfleflioiK 
Thefc eafy creatures aft entirely at- randoofc, 


N?.ioi. n/ CONNOISSEUR, ^ly 

neither troubling themfelves with what has' bew,. 
4vhat is, or what wfll be; and, as theimsi^fe 
of Janus iecms to bear two heads, thefe thorighti 
lefs vacant animals may almoft be faid to have 
no.liiead at alL 

But that the neceffity of taking this com- 
prehenfiyc view of our affairs may appear in the 
ftronger light, let us corifider th^ miiny difficulties,^ 
in which men of any of the above charafters are 
involved, from a total neglcft or partial furvey of 
nnatlerS that Ihpuld influence thdr condufl. The 
firft fort of men, who nourifii great oc pe<£ktlon3 
ffbfh. the future, and fufFer hope to lay their pru- 
dence to fleep, are very comroon r indeed, almofl 
every man, like the dairy- maid with her pail of 
milk, pleafes^ himfelf with calculating the" ad- 
vantages he (hall rea^ from his undertakings. 
There is fcarce a feryitor' at either univcriity, who 
when he takes orders,, does not think it ^more 
than poffible he* may one day be:a*bi{hop, or at 
leafl head of a college, though perhaps at firft he 
is glad to fnap at a curacy,. Eyefy walking at- 
tendant on our hofpitals flatters himfelf that a few 
years will fettlie Wm in high pradlice and % 
chariot : and among thofe few gentlemen of the 
inns of court, who realTy deferve the name q( 
fiudents, there is hardly one who fits down to- 
h- 6 Lord> 

iz8 y^CONNOlSSRUR. Nvioi. 

LQid Oii wi^put imagining that b« imy him(irlf» 
iome time or otber^ be Wd Cba^cellar. At 
tbk eady period of life Uicfe v^in bope$ may per^ 
bapi (biW ^ 4p>ui9 tQ diligence and virtue ^ but 
what (hall we fay to thofe peoplct who in fpitft 
of experience and repeated difappointments, ftiU 
place their chief dppcodsiocc on groundleii cx- 
pcflations from their future fortune ! Tbia Town 
iWarms.wlth people whq rely aloipft folely on 
contingencies : and our goals are often filled with 
wretches, who brought on their own poverty and 
misfortunes, by promifm^ themfelves great profit 
from fonie darling fcheme, which has at laft been 
attended with bankruptcy. The prefent extra^r 
yagaoceof many of oiir fpend-thVifts is byilt on 
fome ideal riches, of which they are (bon to be in 
poflo^pn : and, which they are laying out as freely 
as the girl in the farce fquanderg the ten thoufand 
pounds flie was to get in the lottery. I am my-» 
felf acquainted with a young fellow, who had great 
expectations from aq old uncle. He had ten 
thoufat)d pounds of bis own in ready money ; and 
as the old gentleman was of an infirm conftitutton, 
and turned of fixty, the nephew very confiderately 
computed, that his uncle could hardly lafl above 
five years, during which. time he might go on very 
jenteeiry at the rate of ^ooo/. per am. However 
the old gentleman held together aboVe fevcn years, 
' » 'the 


Ifae two laft of wHiph ^r young .if ark bad no 
confolatlony but the daily ^bopes of bis unck's 
death. The happy hour at length arrived} the 
will was tore open with rapture; when, aJas! 
the fond yoMtb difcoyered^ that h^ had never wcp 
refle^ed^ that though ,he bad; a ticket ip the 
wheel> IX might pofiibly come up a bl^k,. aad 
bad the ixiortific^tion tp find h^aalkU diCiaberi^* > 

I SHALL not dwell to particularly oa^ the ridi*^ 
culous folJy of thofe profound fpeculatifts, who 
fix their attention eiifirely w what i$-pifl', .with- 
out making their rcfiedions. of fervice citjier for> 
the pr^fent or the future^ becaufc it i« nq^ a vwy 
common or tempting ^cies of aUucdi^; buf: 
Oiall rather advife the reader to confider the tb»e 
pafty as the fcbool of experience, from which be 
may draw the mod u(i^ful lefibns fq>t bia future 
conduft. This kind of retro^fl; wpi^ld:|e0ch Ui 
to provide with forefight againfl the calamities, to 
which our inexperience, has hitbcito cxpofed us, 
though at the iame time it would ^ot thrpw i^s ip 
far back, as to keep us lagging, iike the Old Stile, 
behind the reft of the world. To fay the truth, 
thofe ftge. perfonf >nfh/a we given ta ^adideep rer- 
, jB(j^ion,,aS'to let to-^ay a^ ta-mofFPW pafs uiwi 
regajded by meditaJli^^^t^ yeft^dag, are as jridi- 

cuIqus. ifk thjEsir, ^opdM^n .^^: 9W^yc.^^^ i°i 

• - their 

%y^ fl# CONWOISaEUR; NMot. 

tbeir dreft* #hd acfopt the two modes, juft afci^ 
Ibey are become unfafhionaUti 'in Lombn. 

But there is no taik (b difficult, as to infufe 
Ideas into a brain hitherto enti^ly tmaccuftomed to 
thinkihg-: for bow tan' We want a man' to. avoid 
the misfortunes which niay kereafteV befal him, 
or to improre hy the calaniities He has already 
fufFered, whofe actions are not the refult, of 
thought, or guided by experience f Yhefe per- 
sons are,' indeed, of all others, the moft to be 
pitied. <Tbey are prodigal and abandoned in th'efr 
^ndiift^ and by vicious e?tceiles ruin their confti- 
futibn, 'till at Icfngth poverty and death ftare theih 
ih the face at the fame time ; or, if unf6rtunatelyl 
Iheir crazy frame holds together after tfle utter de- 
Amnion of tfaetr fortune, they finifh a thoughtlefe 
life by an zSt of defperation,. and a piftol puts aa 
«fid to Ibeir Miferies. 

StK^E then good fortune cannot be expc<Sfed 
to ftll into bur laps, and it requires fome, thought 
to enfurc to ourfelves a likelihood of fuccefs in 
odr undertakings, let us look back with attention 
on the Old Yeiir, and gather inftru£Kons from it 
in what manner to condtiA ourfelves through the 
Nev(r.' Let tis alfo Endeavour to draw from it a 
kflgn of morality ; and I hope' it wilt hot be 


N^ioi.: Tfc QGNNOIBSEUR. ajr 

thought too folemn a conclufion of this paper^ 
if 1 advife my readers to carry this reflexion even 
into religion. This train of thought^ thaueaches 
us at once to reflefl on the paft, and look forward 
ta the • future, mil ^fo 'ivuurall jr lead! us-to-look 
up with awe and admiration towards that Beings 
who has exifled from iait eternity, and (baH e>uft 
world without end. .N6confideratbn can- give 
us a more exalted idea of the Power, who firft 
created us^ and whole providence is always 
over us. Let us»then confider with attention 
this pagan image, by which we may add fbrc« to 
our morality, and prudoice to our ordinary con?? 
dud; nor let us blu(h to receive a leflbn front 
Heathens, which may animate our zeal and levCr- 
fence for the Author of Cbriftianity«^ 


23^ 2* CDNJtOra&EUR; N*.io2. 

Numb. CIL Tbur/{iay^ January 9 y '756- 

'Pator! ificc jant: pater ^-.^^ iGtlD* 

0/hanm to ^eftrfl his Graui Son , 
CkufS hu vile, birth io^ Hairy orta Joho, 


s 1 R, ; ' 

T hM beoi my good fortune to be bom of 
a family that n rcooded in tbe ^fefald"^ 
DifiloiMiiFy^ as one- of tkit moftaocknt m tbe 
kingdom. We are fuppbficd to have oome into- 
England with William the Conqueror. Upon my 
acceflion fome years ago to my elder brother'a 
cftate and title of a Baronet, I received a 
vifit from Rouge Dragon Efquirc, Purfuivant at 
Arms, to congratulate me upon my new rank 
of a Vavafour^ and to know whether I fhould 
chufe to bear the Dexter Bafe Points of the Ladf 
Ifabers Saltire in Chief or only her Sinijler Corners ; 
{he being one of the feventeen coheirelfes of my 
great great great great great grandfather's fourth 
MdkDtioihy^ the daughter and fole heirefs of Sf^n^v 
de la Frogpool of Croakham in Suffolk. This unex- 



H\io^ ?Jt/COHWOiSSEUR. 133 

peOid vifit'imid'hiinre (Klboncerted me to an in- 
riAcible degree, If QpemivtotkAi^ I Had not only 
temembflfrcd Mri Roige Dragon as k conftaitt 
companion ta mf kte brother, but as a kind 
of tutor in initiating Mm into the Beience of He- 
raUry, wni the Civil and Military Atchicvementt, 
ta ivfaidi otor neibitity aifd ginfry are entitled. 
At foon, therefore, as 1 could recover myfclf 
from my firft fiir^ize 4) hearing an unlenowil 
Bii^ lang^tiagey I tumibly thinked Mr. Dragm 
far llie pami he bad taken in confldering my 
Coat of Arms fo miiMitely, but hoped he would 
give UfDrdftio^Arthatf trouble ii(k)h my^ceount j 
becaufei was ]foliy determined to har the phiiti 
SUddattanf gnnift/^t^ P^er^ without tiUing 
ib^ ifaft notice of Lady f/!Mf SaHire mVhtef^ 
tut 9Vtn of her Sim/iir Comers. 

Be it to my (banae or not,. I muft confeft 
that HcraHiy is a ibence; which t have never 
much oiftrvated : nor do i 6nd it very preva*- 
fcnt among the fefhlonable fludies of the age*. 
Arms and Armorial Tokens, may, I fuppofe', 
te regularly diftinguUhed, and properly embla- 
zoned, upon the family plate to which they 
Wong: but I have obfervcd of latie, that thefe 
honourable imfigrts are not confined entfrely te 
their proper owners, *but are ufurped by every 


234 7»/ CONNOISSEUR. NM02. 

body^ who thinks &t to ta}at !thei;9; irvTdimic^ 
that there is fc^rpe an badcney coach in Londm, 
which, is not: in pqHeffion of ^Uuc^lCreft^aB 
Earrs Coronet, or a Baronet's. Bloody Hand* 
This, indeed, has ofun £^?en me gxeat i^ence^ 
as it reflects a, fcandal on oqr nobility and gjdn*- 
try ; and I cannot but ^binl^ it very indeoekH for 
a Duke's coach to be; feen waiting at. a night* 
cellar, or for a cou^teft's landa,u to fet down 
ladies at the door of a con^mon bawdjr-bpufe* 
I remember I was one morning difturbfd itmf 
breakfaft by a fj^ionable rap at my .door % ^^ 
locking out of, my jwirnl^^., .1 (aw the ooiath -of 
thr Lady Dpv^^ger--r-^5Jc*wrt: op^bcfdrev iu I 
was.extremiely.furpriz«||d<at !(p<^r]y ^nd mtepedcd 
^ vifit from Ladyibipi add while I wfe p^epa«> 
ring to receive her, 1 ove^jieard her liKlyfiup at 
high words with her coachman in my entry; 
wheq ftepping tq the ftair-cafc, I found th^t the 
coachman, and her ladyfhip,. represented ^aithe 
perfon of one of my boufemaids, were ^uabbjjng 
^ together about fixpence. This badge of nobility, 
afTumed at random according to the fancy of the 
coach - painter, 1 have found inconvenient on 
other occafion^ \ for I once travelled from London 
to Derby in ah hired chariot finely ornamented 
with a Vifcount's cypher and coronet ; by which 
poI;;le circ^mfiance I was compelled in eyery inn 


NM02. 73# CONNOISSEUR. 235 

to pay as a Lord, thojMgb I Wat i|Ot a that time 
even a f^mple Baronet, or (in the language oi 
my friend Mr. Dragon) arrived tQ ^e dlgnky o! 

a Vauajour. 

I Have fomettmes doubtedy whether nobility 
9i>j ,high rank are of that real advantage, which 
they arejgenerally efteemed to be : and I am ftl-' 
mod inclined to think, that they -anfWcr na 
defirable end, but as far as they indulge our vahity 
and oftentation. A long roll of ennobled anceftors 
makeSy I confefs, a very allurifig appearance^ 
To feecorpnet j^fter cofonet paffing .befpre oui 
view ia an. uninterrupted fucQ^ffipOt ¥ )^ W^ 
foothing prprpe(9, . that perfaaj>^ eat| ;prefent itfelf 
jtotheey^ of human pride :, the ^ultation i^at 
we feel upon fuch a review, takes rife in a vUionaFy 
and fecret piece of flattery, that as glorious, juml 
as long, or even a longer line of future coroneti 
n^gy fpring from ourfelves, as have defcen^ded from 
our Anceftoi-s, We read inf7r^//,' th^t y/w^^x, 
to infpire hi^ fon with the propereft incitement to 
virtue, (hews him a long race of kings, emperor &> 
and heroes, to T^^hom Mneas is fore-doomed to give 
their origin ; and the myfery oi Macbeth is made by 
Shakejpeare to proceed, lefs from the confcioufneTs of 
guilt, than from the difappointed pride, that i^onc 
of his own race ihall fucceed bim in.the;throQetf. 


236: 7a^ CONNOISSEUR. NMoz. 

' The pride of anedby, and the defire of 
toitiotiing our lineage, when they tend to an 
kKkement of vnttious and noble aCHons, are 
undoubtedly laudable ; and I fhould perhaps have 
indulged myfelf in the pleafing reflexion, had 
•ot a particular fliory in a R^mch Npvel, which 
I Ujdy met with, put a ftop to all vainglories^ 
that cim txiffibly fat deduced fiom a long race <tf 

<* A NoBtBMAN of an ancient hou/e, of 
^ vtty high itiidc and great fortune, (fays the 
•• Novdfift) dktf fiwMenly, and without being 
** permitted to ftbp at iSirgatoi^ , was ftnt dpwii 
<< immediately mt^ HdL He4^ad not been lefsg 
»* ihere, befbfc he met with his coachman 
♦* Thcfiiis^ who like his noble maftcr, was gnafh- 
** iiig his teeth among the darpned. Themas^ 
*< finprized to behold his lordfliip amidft the 
** fliarpers, thieves, pickpockets, arid aJl the 
^ caffailUof'HAU ftarted and cried out in a tone 
^ of admiration^ Isii poJJ^le^ that I fie try lati 
** majlir among Lucifer*; triBf ef Beggars^ rogius^ 
'*• atut pilferers J Hhw much am I ajlmtjhed to 
^^ fini your lorfhlp in tins place ! Your lordjhip ! 
^ whoji generoftty ivas Jo greats wbofe affluent 
^ houfelteepin^ drew fueh crouds of nob fitly ^ ientry^ 
«^ mid frmds to your iablei and ivithiH your g^tesy 

NM02- 7)ir CONNOISSEUR. 437 

*< aniwhfi fine tafie ertplayed'Jiid) mtmbers tf poor 
^< inyawgardms^ by httilding UmpUs andobeiyksj and 
** iy forming kkes^ of watiTy ibut ftetned U vie 
" with the latge^ oceani of ih& eremom! . Prcy^ 
" my lordj if I, may be Jo bold^ what crirhe kv 
** brought your lordfinp into this curjidqffeml^f'^ 
*' .Ah» Thomas^ (replied hif lordfliip, ^wlth big 
<* ufual coiidefrenfioa) I have been font hither 
^^^ for having defrauded my royal mafter, and 
*< cheating the widows and fetbcrlefs^ foWy to 
^^ enrich^ and p«rcha(e tides, honours^ aiid«fiate$ 
« for that ungrateful rafcat, my only/dit, But 
*^ prkhee, 7homaSy tdl rae^as tboa^ (jidijb ^ways 
^'< &em to be an ^honeft, carGfi^ fober ferv^m^ 
*« what brought thee hither? Jb^! my mhk 
** lord^ replied Thomas^ I was fent hither for 
^,^ begetting that fonJ^ , - 

I am, Sir, your moft humble fervant, 


I RtusT agree with my correipondedt, that th^ 
ftudy of Heraldry is at prefent in- very K«le repute 
among us: and our nobility are moi^ anxiou9 
about pi7e%ving the genealogy* dS th«ir horfts, 
than of their oiwn family. Whatever vsdue their 
progentkon may have formavlf fet upon theii^ 
Blood) it is now found to. be of no value, wben^ 


•«3S ?^^ CONNOISSEUR. Nmoi. 
put into the fcale 9tkl weighed againft ibiid 
pidiioH gold : nor would the moft illuftrious de- 
fcendant from Cadwalladiry or the Irijh Kings, 
fcniple'to debafe his lineage by an alliance with 
the daughter of a ciiy-plumb, though all her 
anceftors were yeomen, and none of her family 
cffer b^re arms. Titled of quality, when the 
owners have no other merit to recommend^ 
them, are of no more eftimation, than thofe 
which the courtefy of the vulgar hive bcftowed 
on the deformed : and when I look over a long- 
Tree of Defcfcnt, I fometimes fancy I can difco- 
v<r the real charaflcrs of Sharpers, Reprobates, 
and Plunderers ^f their Country^ concealed under 
the titles of Dukes, Earls, and Vifcounts. 

It is well known, that the very fervants, in 
the abfence of their njaflers, affume the fame 
titles ; and Tom or Harry^ the footman or groom 
of bis Grace, is al waj^s my Lord Duke in the 
kitchen or (tables. For this reafon, I have thought 
proper to prefent my reader with the Pedigree of 
a Footman, drawn up jn the fame, founding 
titles, as are fo pprnpoufly dilplayed on thefe oc- 
(;afions : and J dare &y, it will appear no le(s 
illuibrious, than the pedigrees of many families,' 
which are neitherl celebrated for their aiflions^* 
nor diftinguifhed by their virtues. 


N-.I07. -7& CONNOISSEUR. ^39 

' The Family of the Skii's, or Skipkenneis, 

b \'ery ancient and noble. The founder of it, 

Maitre Jticques^ cante into England with the 

Dutchefs of Ma^c^ine. ' ^c was fon k>f a Prince 

g( the Blood, his mfother one of \kit Mefdames 

iA France: this family is therefore related to tht 

moft V^AQa\on%Maltrisd^H9lAw^i^ VaUt'sdiCham^ 

hre of that kingdom. Jacques had iflue two Sons, 

viz. Robert and Pauh^ of whom Paul^ the yourigeft, 

was invefted with the purple before he was 

eighteen, and made a Bifbop, and (boti aTter^Archbiflipp. Robert ^ the elder,.£ame 

to be a Duke, but died without ifTue : Paul^ the 

Ar<;hjbi(hop, left behind iiinjb an only daughter, 

Barbara^ bafe-born, who was afterwards Maid-of- 

Honour ; and intermarrying with a Lord of the 

Bedchamber, had a very numerous iflue by him ; 

viz, Rebecca^ born a week after their marriage, 

and died young ; J^/epiy firft aSqufric, afterwards 

Knighted, High Sheriff of a County, and Colonel 

of the Militia ; Peter^ raifed from a Cabin Boy to 

a3U>rd of the. Admiralty ; William^ a Faggot in 

the Firft Regiment of Guards, and a Brigadieti 

Tkm^9 ^t fu-ft :an Earl!s £ldeflr Son, and afters • 

wards a Brewer, ?and Lord Mayor of the* City of 

London, The fev^sral branches . of Jthis hmily were; 

no lefsf diftingui(bed for Ui^r jilluitrious progeny. 

Jacques the founder, firft quartered lace on his 


HO ni CONNOJ&?^UR. N^ioy 

coat» and Rab^ added the (hoolder'^knot. Some 
of them, indeed, met with gieat trouble: Arch* 
bifliop Paulf loft his See for getting a cook-'iMid 
with child; Barharayikt Mcud-of-Honaui, wd& 
difmiiled with a b^ belly } Brigadier WURamM^A 
killed by a Chairman in 2, pitched battle at ^n 
ale^houfe ; the Lord of the Admiralty was tranf-" 
ported for (even years i and Duke Robert haid the 
misfortune to be hanged at Tybutn. 

-■ - - - ■ ' ' ■ ' ■ _ 

Numb. ClII. Thurfday^ January. i<^ ijs^* 

«■■■ i ■ ii • "^t -• ■ "* 

. •**^-— Nihil vid^tM mundiito. T£ft. 

Thi houft fi neat^ fo nUi wiAki^ 
*Tis pity we Jboutd- 0i$pr in., . 

To Mr. rOW'N. 

SIR, . 

I Am married to a lady of a very jAct ftnd deK-^ 
cate dMpofitkm, who is' cried up^ by all the good 
women of her acquatmahcif, for btinf^ ii^if^mf/l 
Bidyinflm' Houfo they ever, knew*' This, Sir, ii' 
my grievance : This extraoidinarjr Nciatneft is {6^ 
vttj freublefome and; dilgvifling' to me, itiTtt I 


|)rotcft I hiad rather lodge in a Carrier's inii, or 
take tip 'my sibodii witfe the horfes fn tKe ftables. 

''.It muft be ip^nfcfle^ fhat a yiie^rtsgard to, 
Neatnefe atid Qeanlincfe' is as iiccetfafy' to Ve' 
obferved in our habitations as our perfons : but 
AougK I iflioiilff not cKufe to haife tny^ Bands be- 
grimed like a chimrtey-fivecpcr's, I would' ntet,* 
Kke the fiiperftitious Mabometans^ w^fbthcrt fi?t* 
rimes a ^ dayV W* though -f (^feii!^^ife'Wh^"&^ 
ibfl ih 'a\pig.ftye, ye^ T^a^^^^^^ 
houferenderefl ufdefs to m6^ UMder ^^)retcnceor 
4ceepirig It clean, , , , 

Tor my own part, I cannot iee the differc^^^ 

"betweenhavini? an houfe that is always dirty, and 

■ !_• -r- !_■ ?•■■,•■■•••''■' :-v^:-' ;V "■^'•/^" ^'-'i^V 
an houfe that is always to be cleaned. I.qould. 

very willingly compound to be .warned our of 

my home, with other makers of tamllies, everv. 

Saturday iright: but my wifels fo very notabip, , 

that the fame clean fins; work muit be repeated 

everyday m the week. All the morning long, 

I art! fure to be entertaiaed wiih the^doiiieftic' 

concert, of fcrubbing the, floors, fcouring the 

irons, ahd^bfetin^n^ie carpet's j and ^I am* con- 

jftantly hunted from room to room, wHUc one ^ 

is toi be dulled, another dry-rubbed,' another 

waflied, and another run over with a dry mop. ^ M Thus, 

Thus, indeed^ t ipay b^ jGu^ fo l^vf in conf^iiual 
dirtinefsy that my boiffe maf te cf^pan ^ for duriog 
thefe nice operations every apartment is flowed 
with foap, brick-diift, f^nif jkjni\;^t^'}^i^atpesi 
bair-broomSf ra^-mops, aiKt ctiiprd^ls. 

You laay iuppfffe^.^f the gpeat# c^re w, 
taOpen to pnevpntth^ 1^^ fpcfJt pf di^ from foilwg^ 
^le floors. jFpr ^s |^(<m|^U tb^vcomt 19 our 
tout (b^j4c)ff th»; cptjRippv oCfcraj^ at the 
4cK)r^ are pl^^^ J^^M^. P^f ^^Mf f?* 
hour on a lape niggj^ ^^^^ ^^ 

then they Inufi flraddle tbeir way.^ak^ fi^veral 
lefier mats, ranged at due diftances from each 
other in ,thc pafla^, an(^ (like boys at play}- 
cpme into the rqom wit^ a^ fepPi a ftep^ and a 
jyi^p; pThl^like cautipn is ufcd by all tjie 'family : 
rmyfelf am Icarce aUowediib ftrr'a flcp.witliout 
ilippers ; my wife crecp3 on tip toe^up and d^wn 
ftairs ; the maid-ieryadts are continually flumping 
below in dog^ or pattens; ^nd tbe footman is 
oblig^ed to fneak abo'u^ the bouie bare footed^ as 
if he caqaey^itha fly.ddign to ftea^ iomethlng. 

After -what ba^ beenj^i^d^ yp^ fUff^, na^- 
rally cpoclude^ that n^y wife tpu0 t>e ,no lef$ 
n1c^ in ot^ef particulars. But ap \t is o)}ferved 
by Swjft^*^*^ tb^ a nice maii is. a man of n^&y 

•■ . ' ' \"7 ' ' ' ' '«« ideas,'C 


nmoj. 7& e:ejNJ^Ol*^£Ui^': 24J, 

i4e^/' in Jit)^ in»ia«r we rnajr afln»«(tb«r) 
y«i? Y«ry nc^ pco|)k we die woft Aivonly iw 
«iany occafioos^ Thi^ eaonol coacehr^ Aat any 
thing, which is done by fuch delicate peribns« 
cao ppffibly give of en(^ ; [ bAvc» tbere^r^f p%it 
been ia p^in fqr my wife» whc;ii I h^ve. {^ix}fctf:^ 
h^ote Qpfipany, dqft the tea cupa wi^^jfpu,! 
apron 'or a wa(hing gowaj ami I have ^ more • 
t^an pnce b)u(hed for her, when through bere^- , 
treme cleanlinef^ fh^ has not, been contenii^ 
without breath^g imp our dwk^ig-g^aJ^ ?o4' 
afienjvaFds wiping them ,witii hjCf pock^ hand^- 
chief. ,Pcop^, Mr. Tp»wN> who ^e 9pt vcjry 
ii^im^te mtk feunilie?? feVtem ftft Sk3B (^Qwi^Uy 
the fcwalf p5M^t) M in difguHei; and It will fee 
readily allpwed^ that a lady \imi# a vwy djflFereat 
afped,, wbcnf fte: com^qs before^ comp^)^ %him 
^hen (the iuft fits, down to hfr ^ifet, jlify «#«.• 
appe^ c^^cen^enow^ la h^ at>paf«U to Aofe 

Ihc ]% qi4t& ^nqftw figurf. FJff iift^ diih^^ 
thw i%% 4n prdhwiy fttiff^kfi and petticoat, a 
douM? ^l^Wt ^rpW9 <^^ hef ; held and pinaod 
uo4si he^^ i^h^iv a/)*iek gfcafj boiiiiet,f ap^ a 
C9^€l^d(^l^ aprpns ililhift you wiouldra&er 
t^e. V/^f fpr ^ ch5«rr^w«^afN I^Qr, iode^^ doea^ 
fkp (ccmplQ tp (tooj 19 1 tke we^kneft diittdgjery of * 
fyeh ?M1 ^cuj)aii^ J feC fe gieat kh^hyuM 
M 2 Cleanlinefs, 

a|4 7;^f CONNOISSEUR, m 103. 
CleanlitfeAV thfttf T have often feen her on her 
kA^s'jtoatfAg tht ^ilirth, and fpreaditig dabs df 
A^kicgar and >&ilier's earth over the boards, 

'Tilis-cxtraf6rdihary' foKcitude in my^ifWfe, 
forfti^Sfeafnlfncft of her rooms and the care and 
prtScrv^itSloh of htf fdmiture, makes my houfe en- 
tirely HjfeKf^, and takes away all that eafe and 
familiarity, which is the chief comfort of one*s 
oWn home. I am obliged to make fhift with the 
nioft ordinary accommodations, that the more 
h^ndfome pieces of famiture may remain unfoiled, 
artd Be ^l^aysi fet oat for (hew and magnificeiice. 
I ^tn rievet aHowed to eat from any thing better 
tlf*h a D^^l^-plate, that iJie cecofibmy of the 
beaufalt> which is embeMilhed with a variety of 
Oitmif nf ay nbt^ be difarranged : and indeed my 
vrffe^rides herfdf partiCtilirly on her ingenious 
cbhtrivartce in thi6 article having ranged" among 
tbtf reft ibm^told C^na not fit fdi^ life, but difpoiM 
in f«ich tf m^nn^r^ as to conceal the flreaks of 
.white paint that cement the bfdceh pieces to- 
gether. I' flnuft 'drink imy Wr out of nn earthen 
mujg^ though a great qiiafttity of plate is con- 
ffamtlyidirplayedon the fi^-boardj; while all the 
faroUure, except ^hen ^We' hive coinpany, is * 
^oneup inpaperj asrfuhi fiiitifly, to whom it" 
belongsi vdrc gone intd the ck)untry* In a word, 

/*.v..'.i. Sir, 

Nmoj. 7J/ connoisseur. .24.5 

Sir, ^ny^ thing thdtJs diecent and cleanly< is too 
.good to b^ ufed, for fear it fhoxM be dirtied $1 anfl 
I Jive, with every Convenience at band, without 
the power of enjoying one ;of them* I have 
elegant apartments, but am almoft afraid . to 
fnter them ; I have piste, ch£na, aild the mdft 
;g$n|(eel.fiMmiture, blttmuft/no<tufeKtI)emi>. which 
is a§ lidiculous an abfiirdUy^laAd j^moft ^s greit 
an hardfhip, as if I had hands without the power of 
moving them, the organs of fight, fmell, tafte, 
without being fufFered to exert them,^ and feet 
without being permitted to walk^ 

Thv.s^ Sift this .caiti-shrag^ttjl: paflioft: for 
Ckanlini^fe, fo predominant in my wife, keeps the 
. fai;nily in a perpetual ftacte of muok and dirt; add 
While we are. furroosided . w^h kU. . necefiaries, 
fubje^ us to every, inconvenience* Bkit what 
makes it ftili'a greater grievance is^ that it ibas 
heea ifaedidkuloiwcaaleiofim^ny QdarMsBot' 
.tuncflu '. I |iavt feiiieti&el fcsreatdl ber :^er by 
littering: tbQ rooinftfiiSAhTomi^ia^guiei^^tk a 
chair, or ihiknging.niy rpcfuif ue on one of ithe gilt 
fconces.: Having dnoc^.tialudkify fpik 9 bottle 
of ink.9ajE)0e.<rf:.thft^bcft.caipc;te, flici^aft'ijrbeofcn- 
cileal?!^ for a mmk i. ^ :il Jb«iffow«pr ta<S#t 
ber fQ te^p^r^9gKip^svhtflggI inoft MfifckMidtAy 
ran 9g?iii}ft itbeibetein»;!MiHiivrtMn(etiiQc'Mh 
'., M 3 the 

Ike iismuj and tiutw down a leg of pdnk %xid 
peaie-piKkUng on die parloiir floor. This (dpet* 
abuiidant neatntls 4id once alfo very neanrly oeca- 
&>n my death 1 for ¥diile I lay ill of a fev^r, my 
delicate wife, thinlnng it would nefttfli me, or- 
dered my bed 4chamber to te mopped : and '&ie 
(mm fcraputoiM nkety was ^aHb the means of our 
' lofog« |net«f eonfider&bk addiiion to oar fortune. 

A RICH old uncle, on wl^ooi we had great de- 

pendance, came up to town lall fummer on pur- 

pofe to pay us a viilt : but though lie had rode 

above fixty miles that day, he was obliged to ftand 

in tAiepaffage^ *titt his b(Mi were pilHedMoff*, for 

ftaTLof felling liie Tktk^ carpet. After fiipper 

. theo1dgentleinan,aswas:hiscimftantpni£lice,db« 

fired so have faiapqpet bat tbi^you may beftoe 

could by no meansbe^Aowed, as the filthy ibneh 

tif ihetobacca^itoiiMne^^er be gotten oiir oC the 

inrnieuieagain ;.:and^it:i«ff«'Wsih nindi«do^ tbat 

mfirikTm^M ermfaiSsr imA sqm go- down and 

r fanokK>mi)a^¥mimu Weliadaio fMmtoIoige 

him in^ enoopt «'gai9irt fridi' ifMNhtng but bare 

'. vnHs^ )ktauiiiifte'Chificsbed-*diainber was, in- 

- 'deed, too rm for n dirfy cMntiy it^int. Thefe 

: l|j|jhni if€Kf nmdk ^sigiined my good nnde : but 

1m haArn^ h^m iwMf «s'abp#e'a)Aiy ^t two, 

^ IWbnr mfxTmfmm^' hr^cankeceo^ bpen <}uSf rel 

f-: ' r ^ on 


on the following occafion. It happened, that he 
-had brought a fivoiirltcr"poUflef frtth"lrtm^"*w^o 
Jit his fofl coming _wa^ lAiinc^i^tcly JocRefl up in 
the coal-hole: but the dog having found means 
to eicape, had crept &i\y up ftaics, ^nd (^fides 
other marks of his want of delicacy] had very 
calmly ftretcbed htmfdf oik upbh a'crimfon da-* 
mafk fettee. My wife not only fentenced him to 
the di(ciplme of die:^y^ bfut Jiiifted jipi^ii hBnng 
the criming banged up, ai^rw^ryjsi ijif|ienjthe 
inafter interpofiag in bis bebalf» it; pipduced fuch 
higK words between theiD* tbaf;.my iiia^le.orciered 
his boffe, and fwpr^he woiMd nptcfikfj^en,fi$^ 
rfwr^agaii)asl9ng;fis.bii?twath!C<ir B^jw^thpitK* 
and al^t two ipc^s ^tcir:d^d: b^iji; j^s b«^9Mlsl 
pet /orgiv^ the,,ill3trj?a»ei>i^ .^J^ehf bp^^hf ^n4 
his. dog bad ii^et wiih Kt /^Mrbonlfb b^ b^ ilHffed 
bis will, wbicii before be ba4 madfc lentirely 1ft 
l^ir favour. > ;, v » : , • 

i'am, $IR, 

^ 7 .r'v. • ^.- .-. -" -^■•:' ^^ ^ '-- 

r., 1.'. '■ 

^^y^^ BuWble ScHiWt,'- ^ • V 

■ . . ! !• 

'.^■i. ' ^ .\yr> i \ .w^j-i -1.; o.* ^,^;^ 


' ^ '•'. 

•/ ;,.'' '. :l - -iflt")! • . '-..'^ .*^. ' \ 

i ' r:') I 

V ' .. ^ t; ::;.:.- i=;:-j - -. M ^ .hO 

y ,:* " 

M 4 NVMB. 

,2^ 7i# CONNOISSEUR. N** ro4* 

■ , ' ■ .f .*. 

NumbI (ii^. ^ "Thurfdaj^ January 22^ I756. 

ASum eft: Ilfcct: Pcrifti. Ter. 

. J^wVi/ jtfntf UndoHil 

TflEi^fe 6f hngdagij fS'ihc' ready commir- 
iifcaiioh^of ^r tWughls tt) one ariother. 
As we cabfU)t produce the iolj;c<fts,Vhich raife 
tiefts m MHf niinds,' we uTe words, which are 
made figns of thofe obje^. No man coold 
cmherWife cenve^ to arK^her Ihe itiea oJFa table 
or chartr, wMiW pointing to thofe pfccci'of fur- 
iiUu*ei^8is children 4tpe tatigHt to'rcmcmfcr the 
haftnei U>r ^ingsi< byi iooHing 'aA theit pifturer* 
Thus^ iri wanted to mention ^ng Charles on 
borfe-back, I mufl carry my comftahion tS 
Charing'Crofs ; and would I ne^t.t^ll him pf the 
ftatue of Sir John Barnard^ y^i muti trudge back 
again, and he^f^^ji^ wa^t/or .|py jotf^ 'till we 
got to the Koyal ExAange. We (hould be Viut 
i^itigt^ hapuui^ who (as GxiSSftiirfv tells . us) 
having fubfiituted ihini% for wards^ ufed to dirry 
about them fuch ibing% as were neceflary to ex- 
prefs the particular bufinefs they were to difcourfe 
on. *^ I have often beheld (fays he) two of 

N^|e4• 7^ CONNOISSEUR. 149 

*< diofe iagcs almoft finking under the wcfigkt 
^^ e£tbeir packs, like pedlars among «s: who, 
^^ when they met in tbe ftrects^ would Jajr down 
<* their loads/opeii their lacks^ and hold cok- 
^ ver fiuton for an hoar together ; then put up 
•« their inf^lements, fae^y each other to refumc 
♦« tbrir burthen^ and tdce their Iwd?'. Ih 
thefe ctrcunoftaiKcea a ttMwiof-^ fe^eft 'vMdi 
could not, indeedv taiW without carrying about 
hihi a much^ kiiger appai-ams df eonvcHation^ 
' than is contained m tbe bag o( the noted Tm^ 
or any other fflight-of-hond artift: he couM not 
fpedk of a chicken or an owU^ut it ^nufl be 
ready in his pocket to be produci^. In iucb a 
cafe we could, not iay >we heard, i)ut we &w 
Ae'^onxrrfttion of a fcteod^; ^iffr the epiRohf^ 
'Corrcfpbndencer carried on byuhofe-pipetty iMfrif^ 
ifypUc letters (as they' ape' caUed,) where th^ 

-io> Amd fo» the e^cpviffidn of dtar ladfM - - 

.1 Kivji ,'■*■-..' s. .'•(■-. .1 -' ''^•'^r' :i . -J 

But tbe inrention of wor& bas reitioveft 
thefe difficulties i and we may talk liot onljr of 
•sfhy%tng we Iwvc fccn, but what neidier we, 
nor the perfons touwhom we fpeak ever (aw. 
Thus' we ican convey to another die idea of i 
bit^,JHHAout^beirr^ reduced taWie difagreiiB^ 
titet^if 4{ teartf ng it from the canriitfs ftibuth V 

• and 

250 ni CONNOISSEUR. N*. a>4. 

:«< we 50ln tilk of tbi peo(lb ik tl» iRibilt tf 
jaaotmi vtchmt btkig oU^ tor iniiDd:ufe t)f 
Bifllop. ^Mim'$ medBdd vingt to Iflj tfakb^. 
•Wordi, thercfoi«;iQ^ dKftvdiiMiiy coui-fe of life, 
are like the pa|^»fiioiie]r atneng aierdiatits } in- 
Yeale4 a^ a AMre ready conveyance, by wfakh the 
InrgtAhttk UMA be knmfinittcd «o the moft d!f- 
MMK'plftoai wnA^nmtk eafeial letter^ nkMle 
itbe fiioie ia fpe^ wi^iild te^i^he ikags ,awl thefts, 
atti fyan ^caHi ^ ihifps. to |ttinr(iott it^ fiitt,. 
>cHir«yer giear^thefe advakitageb arcv ihetife •f 
Umffrnffh hm b9<wghl akng Midi k finreral tn- 
-contQfiieiKti} us, well r as papaiv4ii<inay^^ fitf ito 
/ChiilatMr iannafeliabkl to igiSmrfiitait'pfBf 
pQ^Qfalcdy icaMlrid jDSyx>ii i^unterfiitod than hnl- 
4ia(li nifHcbln^ havejfinquftnt teafehlbtxiBpIaiii, 
4ba| tte ci^nyttifcn^tf m£ thisiferr of^^nOf'isiiot 
wkho^t ii's a(l(^ t>f ^ei tl ^ ^iad 1te^MU tUit ifi 
|he lUf of laAgoage tbcrerjs fo ciuoh^roQcat f<Nr 
deceit aii4 miAal^,i that though >it db^lJMrfllrw- 
der it ufekfs, it b much to be wi(bed feme remedy 
j^uldbpcontriifcd*,. i,, ;>-;»::- •'-; ,- -r-jt- 

MjBpr arjf (b aptjt to i^fe tbefame fvor^s in diferfiat 
ienfeSf^d caU the fanji^ thing^by di$f»»n%jDanj^^ 
|hat 9%ptip|iea they caiuiot.^i^rQaQdAlhfr^'l'r 

Uacl^j^^iich .apothcf calk gree&t;^r i|hairtf94i* 
c: i ► ^ " gality 

NM04v ?»# connoisseur, 251 

gab^ wbicfa modttr caHs generoTi^^ they ihir- 
jtakeeacb ocher^ taeahiligi and CMi nevef 4%tt^y 
,'dU they «3cphfii iht wotdD^ ^^ It ii to this -^ 
owe fa mudi wrangKng in diCo&mfb^ aMt- fo 
m2LfXf vbhimcb oF coAtroverfy oa ahtioft tvtiif 
fut of Klentture. I hav:e kmvm a dilute car- 
tried on witb.gwat^atmtb, fttid when the dS** 
jmtslntaliaye oomr' 10 1 ctplain what <eadl meanly 
k has been diicovend ehef wore Imh 1^^ ai fide : 
life llieiiwn in the Play, wha ihet^aiid fbug^iiiK^ 
;ftiid) after each had besA hcftnily bu^ten^ (butld 
tlMMfdvestabe fnends*: WMt HmuM WV fiitf 
if tkis praAkb of tasdlfaig t|dtf^ by a wrotfg 
Rttme iirai to obttfar jmoiig trarMhiehl If y6u 
wtt to £nid.ti^yoiMr]MberdalblrAr'l/n4lit) f4M 
M%ht recdma pairof fitfcMagt^ or40ft6ld t^ 
eoedial jtdep from yvur ^patmit^iH^ ftir^flKd 
iridi a catkattidor k clyMr* 

It l^otild be ne^ AefS to fnflft upon the in^nvfc- 
titettde^'iM^g ftodthem^u<t 
tt tehns hi ifl vetteAtrbmbacs^ Whether they be 
fb«^ oii Aie fpot by virOtd^df rttouth,^ or (like a 
gaitte of Qi^) maititaini^d, cfven though lands 
and feaa interpoie, by the affiftance of the preft. 
In oor ovdhiary c<onverfiition, it is notorioas^ thtit 
no kfrconfttfion ha^ arfferiHrtliti the vw-otig appti^ 
cwibtt or pervWfiort of theirlgltia* and inoft ni- 


1^2 Tiir CONNOISSEUR. Nmo4* 

tural tmpprt of words. I remember, wben I 
commenced author^ I publiibed a little pamphkt, 
which I flattered myfelf had fome merit, though 
I muit cpxiie6> it, did not fell. Confcioiis of mj 
growing fame, I refolvcd to fend the firft fruics 
of it to an uncle in the country, that my relations 
might judge of the great honour I was likely, to 
prove to the family : but how was I monified^ 
when, the good man fent me word, <^ that he 
^ was ibrry to find I had. rmwd myfelf, Md 
*^ bad wrote a book i for the parfon of the parifli . 
,*< hfM) afliured him, that authors were neter 
<< wordi a farthi^, and always died in a gdal.'"^ 
No^ithftuKlirtg thb feu am ifli a nce^ I hav^iHil 
perfifted ifla^.i2iiuf$:whiGh'at prefani I tatmot 
fay IS' q^ilt completed, as^ I ca»: inake' iwo 
meals A day, haye.yetr a cqat to my back^ ^th 
a dean ihirt for Sundays at leaft, and am • lodged 
fomewhat below a garret. However, this pre- 
. diction of jny uncle has often led m^to cofider, 
ij^ bpw many (enfes, different from it's {encfial. ac- 
^ ^eptation, th^^ord£A(/m/is&eqi^ntIy jnade u^ 
of. Wtien we h^ar tbif word applied (o s^K>th^, 
we (tipuldnaturalljr imagine the p^fon is reditfrtd 
to a, (late worie than he was in before, low 
that it is fcarce poiEble for him to rife s^in : but 
we lhall often fipdt ii\ftea4 of pi^ heing undotoc, 
that he has rather ^let ^j^h. ibnie extraoidinaiy 

N».i04. T:^^ CONNOISSEUR. 253 
good fortune; and that thofc,' who pronounce 
bimminedi dther mean you Ihouia tihderft^nii' 
it -in feme other light, or clfe call him undone,'* 
becaufe he differs from them in his waytjf Kfe, or 
bccaufc' they wifli hihi to bt in' that Btuation.' 
I hee4 not p6int out the extreme cruelty; as.^ell 
as injuftice^ in the mifapplication of this term 4: 
as it may literally rn/ii a man, by deftroying his 
charadler : according to the old EngHfh proverb, 
ffVi achgttfiiU namejMnd hakg him. 

Most people are, indeed. To entirely taken up 
with their own narrow views, that, like the jaun- 
diced eye, eveiy thing appears to Aem i6f the fame 
, ix>lour. From this felfiih prejudice they are led to 
make a wrong judgment-of the mdtives ahd'aSKbhsf 
of others : and it is 410 wonder ihat they fhoufd fee' 
Rbin ftaring every man in the face, who hapg^nsf 
not to think as they do : 1 fhal^ therefore, htrt fet'^ 
^wn acaialogul; of{omt of my owiWicquaiotance, 
whom 4h^ obarity. aod good nature, of thc\wot)d« 
Jiave.RQt icrupled to pronounce abfolutely ruimd.^ 

A young clergyman of Cambridge nriight h^Vc 
had a good college-living in about thirty Veirs' 
time; or have been head of flie houfet but he 
<:hofe to quit his fellbVtrfliip for' a JTmall dure in' 
town, Vltli a view of recdmmending hiittfelf by 
bis preaching — ^ — i^— ^— . Ruinedv 

A fellow 

XS4. 7i#CQNNOI^EUlL NM04. 

A £cUow of anodier coll^ in A^ bmc Uni*^ 
fl^fi^ t^olkd to quit b^ books imd his retting- 
m^i^ tp Uyc as ctiaphjn ^ith a finoi(ingj» drii^c* 
i^, f#oarii}gt ^-buntii^ country fqwc^ who 
would ha^vc provWed fpr bim -^ — -^ Hwad^ 

Dr. Clafficy a young pliyfician frofi Oxfhtd^ 
n»igbt hav« bad more prafiice tbafl jR^fti^, or 
Mta4: but having ftudied AriftM^ Ppetia^ and 
r^ di^ Grid Tragodif s, as well as G^tlm 9jad 
Hi^ocratis^ be was templed /to wme a pby^ 
wbkh was univerfally. applauded, and the author 
was ■ ' " , Rvined. 

A St^dfnt of tjie T^fnpk might hav^ mad? fuft 
^A Judge's Robes, pr the ChatKfiUvr's feaU i but 
ly^jng tired of faun^ring ip tf^^m^fiir'H^ witb- 
CH* ff «?n getting :b#a gvifliea for ^ naolion, be has 
SMxq^d of ^ commiffio^in ptfeoCthenew-raifed 
regiments, a|id is , >■■ ■ 1 . * -^ — r— Ruined. 

A younger higher of a good fiimily threw him- 
iUf away upon an obfcuro^ widow with a jointure 
of 5001. pir mm. by whieb he is — — Rmned. 

. A»c«*crjj s^ vm ^ ,Ui>JX^^%f. fell in Iqy? wj^, 
a^ndl pi?i.trieci a gcntefl gifrl without 9k fartbii^;; 
and ihptigh fhV m^e^ h^ an pcqellent wife, b? 
is umycrf'^fly ^Ipwe^ t|0^^y©-^^i?p«^^i^^ 

, ,?#F^ J? I ^ppclMfJc, I cam?o^ bu^ tg^c R9t|q^ of 

t^ j^ffngc feiife, ia which \ friend 'of ipine once 

> beard 

N^l04. t;^^ CONNOISSEUR. 255 

heard this word ufed in company by a girl of the 
town. The young creature, being all life and fpi- 
rit$, engroiled all the converfation to herfelf ; and 
herfelf indeed was the fubjed of all the converfa- 
tion : but what mod furprized him, was the man- 
ner, in which (he ufed this word Rwmdi which 
occurred frequently in her difcourfe, though never 
intended by her to convey the meaning gene* 
rally affixed to it. It ferved her fomctimes as an 
«ra to determine the date of every occurrence— 
^ (he bought fuch a gown, juft after (be was 
*« ruined — the firft time (he faw Garrlck in Ranger^ 
^^ fhe was in doubt whether it was before or after 
^^ (he was ruined^'' — Having occafion to mention 
a young gentleman, (he burft into raptures— 
** O he is a dear creature ! — He it was that ruined 
** me — O he is a dear foul \ — He carried me to 
^^ an inn ten miles from my father^s houfe in the 
^^ country, where he ruined me,— If he had not 
^* ruined me, I (hould have been as miferabk and 
** as moping as my fifters* But the dear fou! was 
<' forced to go abroad upon his travels, and I w<is 
^* obliged to come upon the town, three weeks 
** ;^tcr I was rwned — no, not fo much as three 
*^ weeks after I was ruined — yes, it was full three 
^' weeks after I was ruined.''* 


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