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'^ 


THE 


COURT  OF  SESSION 


GARLAND: 


There's  rosemary,  that's  for  remembrance ;  pray 
you,  love,  remember :  and  there  is  pansies,  that's  for 
thoughts.  ..... 

There's  fennel  for  you,  and  columbines :— there's 
rue  for  you ;  and  here's  some  for  me. 

HA»ILET. 


EDINBURGH: 

THOMAS  G.  STEVENSON, 

87,  PRINCES   STREET. 
M.DCCC.XXXIX. 


®nt  iB^unirttlr  antiiFiftg  eo»fes  ipttntetr. 


EniNBURGH  ;    PRINTED  BY  ALEX.  LAWRIE  k  CO. 


CONTENTS. 


Notice,  .  .  .  .  .  vii 

1.  Anecdotes  of  the  Early  Administration  of  Justice 

in  Scotland,  .....  1 

2.  Lines  on  Sir  James  Stewart,  Lord  Advocate,       .        23 

3.  The  Poor  Client's  Complaint,         ...         24 

4.  A  Letter  from  the  Ghost  of  Sir  William  Anstruther 

of  that  Ilk,  once  Senatour  of  the  Colledge  of  Jus- 
tice, to  the  Lords  of  Session  and  Commissioners  of 
Justiciary,  .  .  .  .  .28 

5.  Songs  in  the  Justiciary  Opera,  ...         31 

6.  The  Justiciary  Garland,  .  .         .  .         43 

7.  The  Court  of  Session  Garland,         ...         47 

8.  The  Faculty  Garland,  .  .  .50 

9.  Directions  to  Writers  Apprentices,     •      .  .55 

10.  Epigram  on  the  late  Hugo  Arnot,  Esq.  Advocate,       64 

11 .  Song  intended  to  have  been  sung  between  the  acts 

of  a  play,  (acted  by  particular  desire  of  the  Dean 
and  Faculty  of  Advocates),  in  the  character  of  a 
Lawyer,  by  the  Hon.  Henry  Erskine,  .  65 

12.  Ode  of  Sappho,  Parodied,  by  Ditto,  .         .         66 

13.  Patrick  O'Connor's  advice  to  Henry  M'Graugh, 

who  was  sentenced  by  the  Magistrates  of  Edin- 
burgh to  be  whip't  through  the  town  for  eating 
at  taverns,  and  not  paying,  by  Ditto,         .         .        67 


800756 


IV  CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

14.  Epitaph  on  Charles  Hay,  Esq.  Advocate,  who  lies 

interred  under  the  Bowling  Green  in  Heriot's 
Garden,  by  the  Hon.  Henry  Erskine,  .  68 

15.  Notes  taken  at  advising  the  Action  of  Defamation 

and  Damages, — Alexander  Cunningham,  Jeweller, 
Edinburgh,  against  Mr.  James  Russell,  Surgeon 
there,  by  George  Cranstoun,  Esq.         .  .  70 

16.  Question  of  Competition, — Keswick  versus  UUs- 

water,  by  Ditto,  .  .  .  .78 

17.  Literary  Intelligence  Extraordinary,         .  .  81 

18.  Song  by  William  Erskine,  Esq.  .  .  83 
Parody  on  Ditto,           ....  84 

19.  Verses  to  George  Packwood,  Esq.  by  George  Cran- 

stoun, Esq.  .  .  .  .  85 

20.  Helvellyn  by  Sir  Walter  Scott,  Bart.         .         .         89 
Parody  on  Ditto,  .  .  .  .91 

21.  Parody  on  Gray's  celebrated  Elegy  in  a  country 

church-yard  by  Colin  Maclaurin,  .  95 

22.  Decisiones  Provinciales  cum  notis  variorum  et  Fusty- 

Whyggii,  ....  101 

23.  The  Petition  of  the  Clerks  and  Apprentices  of  the 

Writers  to  the  Signet,  to  the  Right  Honourable 
the  Lords  of  Council  and  Session,  .  .       107 

24.  The  Complaint,  No.  2 ;  or,  further  reasons  why  the 

wages  of  the  Writers'  Clerks  and  Apprentices 
should  be  increased,  .  .  .  109 

25.  Your  young  Writer  to  the  Signet ;  a  Sketch,       .     Ill 

26.  The  young  Lawyer's  Soliloquy,  .  .  115 

27.  Robertsoniana, — 

1.  Parliament-House  Jeu  D'Esprit,  .  118 

2.  Epitaph  on    Patrick  Robertson  by  the  Lord 

Advocate,  .  .  .  .  118 

3.  Sonnet  to  Patrick  Robertson,  Esq.  .  119 


CONTENTS.  V 

PAGE 

28,  The  Book  of  the  Chronicles  of  the  City,  .  119 

29.  Speech  at  the  opening  of  Parliament,  as  proposed 

at  a  Cabinet  Council  on  Sunday  evening,        .        129 
SO.  The  King's  Speech  from  the  Age,  .  .         134 

31.  The  King's  Speech,  February  1836,         .         .         139 

32.  Act  of  Sederunt  anent  Huggers,  a  fragment  found 

in  the  Laigh  Parliament  House,  .  .         143 

33.  Res  Judicata,  ....  144 

34.  Her  Majesty's  most  gracious  Speech,  delivered  at 

the  opening  of  Parliament  on  the  5th  of  February 
1839, 150 

35.  Song  on  the  acquittal  of  Henry,  Lord  Viscount 

Melville,  .  .  .  .  153 


I 


NOTICE. 

|0  those  persons  who  are  familiar  with  the 
Parliament  House, — the  Westminster  Hall 
of  Scotland, — and  its  inmates,  the  various 
Pieces  collected  together  in  this  volume  cannot  be 
devoid  of  interest.  Even  to  those  not  initiated  in 
the  mysteries  of  legal  procedure,  a  considerable  por- 
tion of  the  contents  will,  it  is  hoped,  be  attractive  ; 
for  no  genuine  votary  of  Momus  can  be  insensible 
to  the  fun  of  the  Justiciary  Opera, — the  drollery 
of  the  Diamond  Beetle  Case, — the  exquisite  point 
of  the  Parody  on  Hellvellyn, — the  satirical  wit  of 
the  Chronicles  of  the  City,  and  the  quiet  humour  of 
the  Scotish  Royal  Speeches. 

As  many  passages  required  explanation,  illustra- 
tive Notes  have  been  given,  and  some  few. Anecdotes 
are  introduced,  the  greater  part  of  which,  if  not  the 
whole,  have  never  previously  been  published  : — they 
were  almost  all  taken  from  individuals  connected 
either  as  practitioners  or  suiters  with  the  Court  of 
Session,  many  years  since  ;  and  are, — at  the  least  the 
Editor  ventures  to  think  so, — worthy  of  preserva- 
tion, as  exceedingly  characteristic  of  the  parties  al- 
luded to,  and  the  times  in  which  they  lived. 

Although  so  few  years,  comparatively  speaking,, 


Vm  NOTICE. 

have  elapsed,  since  the  persons  of  whom  traits  have 
been  preserved,  have  quitted  this  sublunary  scene, — 
and  although  many  of  them  attained  no  inconsider- 
able degree  of  celebrity  in  their  lifetime,  it  has  been 
found,  in  many  instances,  a  matter  of  some  difficulty 
to  obtain  satisfactory  information  relative  to  them. 
Sometimes,  too,  the  same  story  is  told  of  different 
persons  ;  thus  some  versions  of  the  anecdote  at  page 
52,  represent  the  late  Bayn  Whyt,  Esq.  W.  S.  as 
the  mischievous  person  who  tormented  the  worthy 
Baronet,  by  making  faces  at  him ; — it  is  not  very 
material  whether  the  Barrister,  or  the  Writer  to 
the  Signet,  was  the  offending  party,  if  the  rest 
be  true, — and  that  such  a  scene  did  actually  take 
place  cannot  reasonably  be  doubted ;  for,  besides 
the  distinct  recollection  of  an  old  gentleman  on  the 
subject,  who  died  some  years  since,  and  from  whom 
the  story  was  first  obtained,  there  are  still  surviving, 
various  persons  who,  although  not  present,  have 
heard  the  circumstances  detailed,  and  who  received 
them  as  perfectly  genuine,  shortly  after  the  time 
when  they  are  alleged  to  have  taken  place. 

The  Editor  has  been  informed,  that  the  Competi- 
tion between  the  Lakes,  was  written  in  imitation  of 
the  style  in  which  the  late  Robert  Craigie,  Esq.* 

*  Mr.  Craigie,  Son  of  John  Craigie,  Esq.  of  Kilgraston,  was 
admitted  a  member  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates  in  1776.     After 


NOTICE.  IX 

(afterwards  Lord  Craigie,)  and  John  Burnet,  Esq. 
used  to  prepare  their  reports  for  the  Faculty  Collec- 
tion of  Decisions. 

having  been  several  years  SheriflF- depute  for  Dumfriesshire,  he  was 
raised  to  the  bench  in  1811.  Upon  his  demise  in  1834,  he  was 
succeeded  by  Lord  Cockburn.  Lord  Craigie  was  a  very  sound 
Lawyer,  and  his  opinion  in  feudal  matters  was  entitled  to  great 
consideration  and  respect.  He  was  opposed  to  the  judgment  of 
his  brethren  in  the  great  Bargany  cause ;  and  his  speech,  which 
will  be  found  in  the  books  of  reports,  may  be  perused  with  much 
advantage.  Lord  Eldon  was  much  inclined  to  concur  in  it,  and 
it  is  well  known  that  the  judgment  was  affirmed  in  deference  to 
the  great  majority  of  the  Scotish  Judges. 

For  some  reason  or  other  Lord  Craigie  was  in  no  favour  with 
the  late  eccentric  John  Clerk,  (Lord  Eldin,)  who  treated  him 
with  much  disrespect. — Perhaps  this  feeling  of  hostility  might 
have  arisen  from  their  having  been  opposed  to  each  other  in  the 
Roxburghe  cause ;  and  as  Mr.  Clerk  was  deeply  interested  for 
General  Kerr,  he  might  be  somewhat  nettled  at  the  success  of  Mr. 
Craigie,  who  was  one  of  the  leading  counsel  for  his  opponent ;  — 
more  especially  as  John's  decided  opinion  was,  that  the  judgment, 
both  of  the  Court  of  Session  and  House  of  Lords,  was  erroneous. 
Notwithstanding  the  provocation  continually  given.  Lord  Craigie 
never  lost  his  temper.  His  Lordship  was  a  very  bad  speaker,  and 
he  delivered  his  remarks  from  the  bench  in  such  a  disjointed  and 
imperfect  manner,  that  sometimes  they  were  not  very  intelli- 
gible ;  this,  it  is  believed,  is  the  true  reason  why  his  merits  as  a 
lawyer  were  not  properly  estimated. 

On  the  bench  he  was  invariably  kind  to  the  members  of  the 
bar :  there  was  no  attempt  to  browbeat ;  on  the  contrary,  he  did 
every  thing  to  encourage  the  timid  youthful  lawyer.  He  had  no 
favourites — all  counsel  were  treated  alike ;  and  on  no  occasion 
did  he  ever  utter  one  syllable  to  hurt  the  feelings  of  the  pleader. 
When  he  had  occasion  to  reprove,  he  uniformly  did  so  as  a  gentle- 
man. In  private  life  he  was  much  and  deservedly  esteemed, — 
in  a  word,  a  kinder  man  or  more  worthy  citizen  never  breathed 
than  Robert  Craigie. 


X  NOTICE. 

The  Editor,  in  concluding,  has  to  return  his  very 
best  thanks  to  those  Gentlemen  who  have  so  oblig- 
ingly furnished  him  with  many  piquant  ingredients 
for  this  olla  podrida,  and  he  begs  to  assure  them  it 
will  be  very  much  owing  to  their  kindness  in  height- 
ening the  flavour,  if  the  dish  should  be  deemed  wor- 
thy of  the  palates  of  those  literary  and  legal  gour- 
mets, for  whose  gratification  it  has  been  chiefly  pre- 
pared. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND, 


r. 


ANECDOTES  OF  THE  EARLY  ADMINISTRATION  OF  JUSTICE 
IN  SCOTLAND. 


These  Anecdotes  formed  the  subject  of  an  article  communicated  some  years  ago 
by  the  Editor  of  the  present  Volume  to  the  Edinburgh  Law  Journal,  a  Periodi- 
cal Work  now  consigned  to  the  tomb  of  the  Capulets,  from  whence  it  has  been 
disinterred,  and  with  various  alterations  and  additions,  has  been  prefixed  as  a 
suitable  introduction  to  this  Collection  of  Pieces,  chiefly  satirical,  connected 
with  the  College  of  Justice  and  its  Members.  Of  the  truth  of  the  charges 
brought  against  the  early  administration  of  justice  in  this  country,  there  can 
be  no  reasonable  doubt, — for  setting  aside  the  strong  presumption  arising  from 
the  mass  of  evidence  referred  to, — the  Act  of  Parliament  1597, — the  Acts  of 
Sederunt  1677-1679  and  1690, — the  concurring  and  positive  testimony  of 
Buchanan, — of  Johnston, — of  Fountainhall, — of  Balcarras,  ap©  too  strong  £  > 
to  be  overturned.  That  there  may  have  been,  and  probably  were,  honest 
men  occasionally  on  the  bench,  may  be  true,  but  in  those  days  dishonesty 
seems  to  have  been  the  rule,  and  honesty  the  exception. 


It  may  be  doubted  if,  in  any  country,  not  even  excepting 
France  prior  to  the  revolution,  there  can  be  found  more  direct 
or  positive  instances  of  judicial  corruption,  than  may  be  traced 
in  the  annals  of  Scotish  Jurisprudence.  Indeed,  from  the 
institution  of  the  College  of  Justice  down  to  a  comparatively 
recent  date,  hardly  any  one  period  can  be  pointed  out,  as 
altogether  free  from  taint. 

Nor  is  it  wonderful  that  the  administration  of  justice  should 
have  been  thus  polluted  ;  for,  however  national  vanity  may 
attempt  to  disguise  the  fact,  there  is  no  doubt  that  Scotland, 

1 


^       *  "    ^   *^    .COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

»^^    •^••»  •     «)    "1    '    ' 

*•• «  •  j^  "^     *  .r*^ 

'"  • 'i^h3[e'a'sej)afdte  Kingdom,  had  little  pretension  to  be  con- 
sidered in  the  light  of  a  civilized  state.  Her  nobles  were 
turbulent,  unprincipled,  and  sanguinary, — her  statesmen 
•  (with  few  exceptions)  were  generally  influenced  by  any  other 
motives  than  the  good  of  their  country, — the  lesser  barons 
were  semibarbarous,  and  the  peasantry,  especially  in  the 
Highland  districts,  almost  entirely  so.  If  any  person  is  in- 
clined to  suppose  this  picture  overcharged,  a  reference  to  Mr. 
Pitcairn's  Criminal  Trials — a  singularly  curious  and  valuable 
work — will  remove  all  his  doubts.* 

Even  the  clergy  were  not  altogether  unaffected  by  the 
state  of  society  in  which  they  were  placed.  They  partook 
too  much  of  the  stern  spirit  of  the  age  ;  and  it  is  melancholy 
to  reflect,  that  even  our  venerable  Reformer  has  spoken  com- 
placently of  the  murder  of  Cardinal  Beaton, — thus  inferen- 
tially,  if  not  directly,  affording  his  high  sanction  to  that  most 
detestable  of  all  maxims,  that  *'  the  end  justifies  the  means.'' 
It  would  have  been,  therefore,  somewhat  surprising  if  the 
judges  should  have  been  the  only  portion  of  the  community 
uninjured  by  the  pestilential  atmosphere  which  they  were 
inhaling. 

At  no  distant  interval  from  the  institution  of  the  College 
of  Justice,  the  judges  had  become  obnoxious  ;  and  Buchanan 
has  recorded  his  opinion  of  the  tyrannical  exercise  of  their 
powers  in  the  following  striking  terms : — "  Omnium  civium 
"  bona  quindecim  hominum  arbitrio  sunt  commissa,  quibus 
"  et  perpetua  est  potestas,  et  imperium  plane  tyranicum : 
"  quippe  quorum  arbitria  sola  sunt  pro  legibus."t 

The  result  of  this  exclusive  arbitrary  power  may  be  antici- 
pated. Subject  to  no  control,  the  law  was  expounded  by  the 
judges  in  the  way  best  suited  to  further  their  own  purposes, 
and  they  gradually  became  so  corrupt,  that  the  legislature  inter- 
fered ;  and  in  the  year  1579,  an  Act  was  passed  prohibiting  them, 

«  In  truth,  James  the  Sixth,  whom  it  has  been  the  fashion  to  ridicule  as  an 
empty  pedant,  was  the  first  of  the  Stewarts  who  really  benefited  the  Kingdom, 
by  gradually  depressing  an  unprincipled  Aristocracy. 

t  Rerum  Scoticarum  Historia,  f.  601.     Ultrajecti  1668.    8vo. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  6 

"  be  thame  selffis  or  be  thair  wiffis  or  seruandes,  (to)  tak,  in 
<'  ony  time  ciiming,  buddis,  brybes,  guides  or  geir  fra  quhat- 
*'  sumever  persone  or  persons  presentlie  havand,  or  that 
"  heirefter  sail  happyne  to  have,  any  actionis  or  caussis 
"  persewit  befoir  thaime,  aither  fra  the  persewer  or  defen- 
"  der,''  under  pain  of  confiscation. 

This  enactment  seems  to  have  had  little  effect,  as  we  find 
eighteen  years  afterwards  that  the  judges  were  just  as  bad  as 
ever ;  for  Johnston,  an  historian  of  veracity,  states  :* — ^"  Hac 
"  tempestate  (1597)  totus  ordo  judicum,  paucorum  impro- 
"  bitate,  et  audacia,  infamatus.  Inveteravit  turn  opinio,  et 
"  omnium  sermone  percrebuit,  pecuniosum  hominem,  nemi- 
"  nem  potuisse  causa  cadere.  Alexander  Regius,-(-  Advo- 
"  catus  acer,  ut  vehemens,  illam  labem  et  ignominiam  ordinis 
"  callide  observans,  a  clientibus  suis  pecuniam  accepit :  quam 
"  corruptis  judicibus,  pro  suffragiis  divideret.  Haec  et  similia 
"  in  causa  fuere,  ut  totus  ordo  gravi  diuturnaque  infamia 
"  laboraret." 

During  the  time  the  bench  was  dignified  by  the  presence  of 
the  Earl  of  Melros,  (afterwards  Haddington,)  who  for  many 
years  held  the  high  office  of  Lord  President,  some  check  was  put 
upon  the  venality  of  the  Judges;  but  even  under  his  Lordship's 
vigorous  rule  it  was  not  wholly  put  down.  Indeed  many  things 
might  be  instanced  not  exactly  suited  to  our  notions  of  judicial 
decorum.  Thus  we  have  the  Lord  Chancellor  \  superintend- 
ing the  law-suits  of  a  friend,  and  writing  to  him  the  way  and 
manner  in  which  he  proposed  they  should  be  conducted.  § 
It  has  been  said,  and  although  there  does  not  seem  to  be 


•  Johnston!  Historia,  p.  231.     Amst.  1616,  folio. 

•f"  Alexander  King  was  Judge  of  the  Admiralty  Court,  and  author  of  a  treatise 
in  Latin,  still  unpublished,  upon  Naval  Laws  and  Customs :  there  is  a  MS.  copy 
of  it  (A.  2.  16.)  in  the  Library  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates  ;  and  judging  from 
a  cursory  examination,  it  appears  a  book  of  considerable  value,  and  one  which 
may  very  beneficially  be  consulted. 

:j:  Sir  Alexander  Seton,  Earl  of  Dunfermline. 

§  Letters  and  State  Papers  of  the  reign  of  James  VL  Edin.  1838,  4to, 
privately  printed  for  tlie  Abbotsford  Club. 


4  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

sufficient  authority  for  assuming  the  fact,  it  is  far  from  im- 
probable, that  during  the  usurpation,  the  laws  were  righteous- 
ly and  efficiently  administered,  and  that  the  English  judges, 
free  from  local  prejudices,  and  uninfluenced  by  private  feel- 
ings, determined  the  variety  of  cases  coming  before  them,  in 
such  a  way  as  to  give  universal  satisfaction. 

An  anecdote  has  been  preserved  on  this  subject.  Some 
one  had  been  lauding  to  Lord  President  Gilmour  the  extreme 
impartiality  of  the  English  judges,  and  the  general  equity  of 
their  proceedings,  "  Deil  speed  them,"  angrily  exclaimed  his 
Lordship,  "  they  had  neither  kith  nor  kin.'*' 

The  restoration  brought  back  with  it  the  evils,  though 
perhaps  modified,  of  the  olden  time  :  open  bribery  was  no 
longer  practised,  but  private  influence  still  flourished  in  all  its 
pristine  vigour.  The  judges  were  publicly  tampered  with,  and 
the  nuisance  became  so  intolerable,  that  they  endeavoured  to 
repress  it,  by  passing  an  act  of  sederunt,*  which  was  renew- 
ed a  couple  of  years  afterwards,  but  which  does  not  appear 
to  have  received  much  attention,  either  from  the  judges  or 
the  suitors,  as,  upon  the  11th  November  1690,  their  Lordships 
engaged,  "  upon  their  honours^  to  observe  the  conditions 
*'  of  the  previous  acts."  A  strange  engagement  truly,  and 
one  which  pretty  clearly  demonstrates,  to  use  a  legal  phrase, 
that  their  Lordships'*  enactments  on  this  subject  were  not  in 
mridi  ohservantia.  It  may  here  be  observed,  that  by  the 
act  last  noticed,  it  was  ordained  that  this  judicial  pledge,  not 
to  listen  to  solicitations  of  any  kind,  was  to  be  renewed  each 
Session. 

Although  this  apparent  desire  of  the  judges  to  put  down 
solicitation  might  induce  a  belief  of  its  perfect  sincerity,  it  un- 
fortunately happened  that  their  Lordships'  practice  was  not 
exactly  in  accordance  with  their  professions.  Unquestionably 
general  solicitation  was  at  a  discount,  but  the  evil  still  con- 
tinued, in  a  different  shape.  Each  judge  had,  what  was 
termed,  his  *'  peat"  or  favourite,  through  whom  interest  was 

•  6th  November  1677. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  O 

made,  and,  of  course,  it  was  not  to  be  expected  that  the 
"  peaf"*  should  deal  with  his  patron  without  receiving  a  suit- 
able remuneration.  This  office  seems  not  to  have  been  con- 
sidered disreputable,  for,  if  we  may  believe  a  popular  rhyme 
made  upon  the  influential  and  prosperous  family  of  Melville, 
the  younger  sons  of  the  Nobility  thought  it  no  degradation 
to  accept  so  lucrative  an  office.     The  rhyme  runs  thus, — 

*'  Three  brave  sons^  and  all  gallant  Statesmen, 

"  There's  crooked  son,  and  wicked  son,  the  third  son  is  a  pate  man, 

"  And  if  your  purse  be  full  enough,  it  will  end  all  debate  man. 

The  "  crooked""  son  was  Alexander,  Lord  Raith,  the  heir- 
apparent  of  George,  fourth  Lord  and  first  Earl  of  Melville ; 
the  "  wicked''  son  was  David,  third  Earl  of  Leven  and  se- 
cond Earl  of  Melville ;  and  the  "  pate"  or  peat  was  James 
Mel\  ille  of  Balgarvie. 

It  might  be  conjectured  that  the  word  peat  was  intended 
for  pet,  but,  if  we  may  refer  to  the  somewhat  questionable  au- 
thority of  the  North  Briton,*  "  Peat"  was  a  contraction  for 
Patrick,  and  the  adoption  of  it  arose  in  this  way  : — 

"  In  the  Court  of  Session,  as  at  Paris,  it  is  usual  for  persons 
''  at  law  with  each  other,  to  go  about,  (like  so  many  candi- 
"  dates  at  an  election),  soliciting  the  votes  and  interest  of  the 
''  judges,  who  [the  judges]  are  each  attended  by  a  Pat  and 
"  a  Secretary  ;  the  first  of  which  it  is  absolutely  necessary  to 
''  consult,  and  the  latter  to  treat  with.  When  you  are  inform- 
"  ed  of  the  origin  of  Patship,  you  will  readily  guess  the  na- 
"  ture  of  the  office.  One  of  the  former  judges  of  that  Court, 
"  of  the  first  character,  knowledge,  and  application  to  business, 
"  had  a  son  at  the  bar,  whose  name  was  Patrick^  and  when 
"  the  suitors  came  about  soliciting  his  favour,  his  question  was, 
"  Have  you  consulted  Pat  f^  If  the  answer  was  affirmative, 
«'  the  usual  reply  of  his  Lordship  was,  '  I'll  enquire  of  Pat 
"  '  about  it,  111  take  care  of  your  cause.    Go  home  and  mind 

*  No.  62,  Sep.  17,  1763. 


O  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

"  *  your  business.'  This  judge,  in  that  case,  was  even  as 
"  good  as  his  word,  for  while  his  brother  judges  were  robing, 
*'  he  would  tell  them  what  pains  his  son  had  taken,  and  what 
''  trouble  he  had  put  himself  to,  by  his  directions,  in  order  to 
"  find  out  the  real  circumstances  of  the  dispute,  and  as  no  one 
"  on  the  bench  would  be  so  unmannerly  as  to  question  the 
"  veracity  of  the  son,  or  the  judgment  of  the  father,  the  de- 
"  cree  always  went  according  to  the  information  of  Pat.  At 
"  the  present  aera,  in  case  a  judge  has  no  son  at  the  bar,  his 
"  nearest  relation,  (and  he  is  sure  to  have  one  there),  officiates 
"  in  that  station.  But,  as  it  frequently  happens,  if  there  are 
*'  Pa^5  employed  on  each  side,  the  judges  differ,  and  the  greatest 
"  '  interest,  (^.  e.  the  longest  purse),  is  sure  to  carryit.'  What- 
ever may  be  the  true  derivation  of  the  name,  there  can  be 
no  doubt  that  a  set  of  individuals  did  exist  who  dealt  with  the 
judges  for  money,  and  who  were  usually  denominated  "  Peats." 
There  has  been  preserved  a  Satire,*  entitled  "  Robert 
"  Cook's  Petition  to  the  Lords  of  Session  against  the  Peats,*" 
from  which,  as  containing  a  tolerably  humorous  catalogue  of 
the  "  peats,""  a  few  extracts  will  not  be  out  of  place.  The 
writer,  after  stating 

'^  That  he's  likely  to  starve  unless  made  a  peat," 

wishes  to  know 

"  Whose  peat  he  must  be  : 
"  The  President's  t  he  cannot,  because  he  has  three. 
"^  And  for  my  Lord  Hatton,  %  his  sone  now  Sir  John, 
"  By  all  is  declared  to  be  peattie  patron. 
"  It's  true,  my  Lord  Register  ||  at  first  did  appear 
''  A  vacant  place  to  have,  but  your  petitioner  doth  fear, 
"  For  noe  other  end  did  his  brother  of  late 
"  His  ensign's  place  sell,  but  to  be  made  a  peat ;  ' 

•  Scottish  Pasquils,  Vol.  ii.  p.  29.     In  a  MS.  we  have  seen,  the  Petitioner  is 
represented  as  Robert  Cook,  Advocate. 
f  Sir  James  Dalrymple,  Viscount  of  Stairs. 
%  Mr.  Charles  Maitland,  afterwards  Earl  of  Lauderdale. 
II  Sir  Archibald  Primrose. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  .  7 

'^  Though  be  the  mock  faculty,  ignorance  should  him  cast, 

''  Yet  a  bill  (with  he's  my  brother)  will  him  in  bring  at  last- 

*'  Old  Nevoy*  by  all  is  judged  such  a  sott^ 

"  That  his  Peatship  could  ne'er  be  thought  worth  a  groat. 

*'  Yet  John  Hay  of  Murie,  his  peaty  as  I  hear, 

"  By  virtue  of  his  daughter,  makes  thousands  a-year. 

"  Newbytht  hertofor  went  snips  with  the  peats, 

'^  Bot  having  discovered  them  all  to  be  cheats, 

''  Resolves  for  the  future  his  sone  Willie  Baird 

"  Should  be  peat  for  his  house  as  well  as  young  laird. 

*'  My  Lord  Newton, J  a  body  that  gladly  would  live, 

"  Is  ready  to  take  whate'er  men  would  give, 

"  Who  wisely  considers  when  peat  to  himself, 

'^  He  avoyds  all  danger  in  parting  the  pelf." 

He  then  concludes  his  petition  with  craving 

"  To  be  a  peat  to  some  peat, 
^'  Or  in  Pittenweem's  language  to  make  his  peat's  meat." 

Their  Lordships  are  next  represented  as  remitting  the  ap- 
plication to  Lord  Castlehill,  who,  it  would  appear,  was  no 
great  favourer  of  the  system,  as  he  upon 

" Considering  the  supplicatione, 

"  Declares  that  the  peats  are  grievous  to  the  nation ; 

"  They  plead  without  speaking,  consult  without  wryting, 

"  And  this  they  doe  by  some  inspiratione ; 

"  And  now  they  have  found  out  a  new  way  of  flyting, 

"  Which  they  doe  call  solicitatione.§ 

•  Sir  David  Nevoy.  He  was  promoted  to  the  bench,  June  25,  1661,  and  re- 
tained his  office  for  upwards  of  twenty-two  years.  Lord  Hailes  mentions  he  had 
been  a  Professor  in  St.  Leonard's  College,  St.  Andrews.  At  his  first  admission 
he  was  termed  Lord  Reidie. 

t  Sir  John  Baird,  made  a  Judge  Nov.  4,  1664. 
%  Sir  David  Falconer. 

§  In  a  MS.  poem  entitled  a  "  Castlehill  Rencounter,"  (Anno  1700)  the 
Author,  referring  to  various  persons  he  met  there,  says, 

"  Three  Judges  walking  with  their  peats  I  found 
**  Th'  allowed  bribes,  which  justice  doth  confound, 
♦•  A  corrupt  age !  Their  cause  who  to  promote, 
**  Employ  the  son  to  get  the  father's  vote." 


8 


COURT  ,OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


This  abuse  was  strictly  in  keeping  with  the  constitution 
of  the  Court.  The  judges  were  selected,  not  on  account  of 
their  qualifications  for  office,  but  because  their  subserviency 
rendered  their  appointment  useful  to  their  patrons ;  men  of 
probity  and  honour  were  carefully  excluded,  and  the  law 
thus  administered  became  the  engine  of  tyranny  and  oppres- 
sion, and  those  in  power  in  this  way  had  the  means  of  en- 
riching themselves  at  the  expense  of  their  neighbours.  It 
was  therefore  a  matter  of  importance  to  get  the  control  of  the 
Session,  and  numerous  instances  may  be  found  in  the  records 
of  the  period,  of  attempts,  sometimes  successful,  sometimes 
the  reverse,  to  procure  such  ascendancy.  Lord  Balcarras, 
a^  keen  Jacobite,  and  a  person  not  very  likely  to  give  a  too 
highly  coloured  description  of  the  practices  of  the  time,  in 
speaking  of  the  Duke  of  Hamilton,  observes :  "  He  (the 
"  Duke)  had  no  design  but  the  ruin  of  the  Lord  Melvil  and 
"  Lord  Stair,  and  to  get  the  Session  filled  with  his  own 
"  creatures,  having  at  that  time  many  lawsuits  in  hand:' 

The  purity  of  the  administration  of  justice  may  be  further 
illustrated  by  the  following  anecdote,  which  is  better  au- 
thenticated than  usually  happens,  inasmuch  as  Dr.  Aber- 
cromby,  a  gentleman  of  great  respectability,  heard  it  related 
by  the  Earl  of  Rochester,  one  of  the  parties  concerned,  to 
the  Honourable  Robert  Boyle  : — 

"  A  Scotch  gentleman  having  entreated  the  Earl  of  Ro- 
"  Chester  to  speak  to  the  Duke  of  Lauderdale  upon  the  account 
"  of  a  business  that  seemed  to  be  supported  by  a  clear  and  un- 
''  doubted  right,  his  Lordship  very  obligingly  promised  to  do 
"  his  utmost  endeavours  to  engage  the  Duke  to  stand  his 
"  friend  in  a  concern  so  just  and  so  reasonable  as  his  was;  and 
"  accordingly,  having  conferred  with  his  Grace  about  the  mat- 
<'  ter,  the  Duke  made  him  this  very  odd  return,  that  though 
"  he  questioned  not  the  right  of  the  gentlemanhe  recommended 
"  to  him,  yet  he  could  not  promise  him  an  helping  hand,  and 
"  far  less  success  in  business,  if  he  knew  not  first  the  man, 
"  whom  perhaps  his  Lordship  had  some  reason  to  conceal,  be- 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  y 

"  cause,  said  he  to  the  Earl,  '  if  your  Lordship  were  as  well 
"  '  acquainted  with  the  customs  of  Scotland  as  I  am,  you  had 
"  '  undoubtedly  known  this  among  others  :  Show  me  the  man, 
"  '  and  I  shall  show  you  the  law,""  giving  him  to  understand 
"  that  the  law  in  Scotland  could  protect  no  man,  if  either  his 
"  purse  were  empty  or  his  adversaries  great  men,  or  supported 
"  by  great  ones."* 

Amongst  other  evils  of  those  days,  was  one  arising  from 
the  right  of  the  Lord  President  to  call  cases  not  according 
to  any  fixed  order  of  enrolment  but  as  suited  his  own  plea- 
sure ; — thus,  when  there  was  a  purpose  to  serve,  and  when 
some  of  the  judges  who  might  be  opposed  to  the  President's 
views  were  absent,  either  attending  their  outer-house  duty  or 
otherwise  engaged,  a  particular  case  was  called  and  decided. 
To  correct  this  flagrant  abuse,  an  Act  of  Parliamentt  had 
been  passed,  ordering,  that  every  cause  to  be  heard  in  the 
Inner-House  should  be  enrolled  and  called,  according  to  the 
date  of  its  registration  ;  and  declaring,  that  any  decision 
pronounced  in  any  cause  out  of  the  proper  order,  should  go 
for  nothing.  Notwithstanding  this  enactment,  the  disgrace- 
ful practice  continued,  of  calling  cases  at  the  option  of  the 
presiding  judge,  until  the  elevation  of  Duncan  Forbes  to  that 
high  office.J 

It  was  in  consequence  of  a  manoeuvre  of  this  kind  that 
an  attempt  was  made  to  controul  the  Court  by  an  Appeal 
to  Parliament.  In  a  law-suit  between  the  Earls  of  Dun- 
fermline and  Callender,  Lauderdale,  who  was  an  extraor- 
dinary Lord  of  Session,  favoured  one  of  the  parties,  and 
resolved  to  influence  the  decision  of  the  judges  by  his  voice 
and  presence.  The  President,  Sir  James  Dalrymple,  af- 
terwards Viscount  Stair,  an  illustrious  name  in  the  annals 
of  Scotish  Jurisprudence,  we  regret  to  admit,  lent  himself  to 

•  A  Moral  Discourse  on  the  Power  of  Interest,  by  David  Abercromby,  M.  D. 
London,  1691.     P.  60.  ' 

t  1672,  cap.  16,  §  5-12. 
%  Laing's  Scotland,  vol.  4,  p.  416.     Lond.  1819,  8vo. 


10  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

his  Grace's  measures,  and  in  defiance  of  the  recent  Statute, 
called  the  cause  out  of  its  regular  order.  The  result  was,  of 
course,  favourable  to  the  Duke's  protegee ;  and  Lord  Cal- 
lender  (then  Lord  Almond)  entered  an  Appeal  to  the  Scotish 
Parliament, — a  step  of  considerable  boldness  and  doubtful 
competency,  but  which  met  with  support  from  many  of  the 
leading  lawyers  of  the  time,  including  Lockhart  and  Mac- 
kenzie. 

The  President  and  some  of  his  creatures  took  alarm  at 
this  decisive  measure  ;  and,  from  the  influence  they  possessed 
at  Court,  induced  Charles  II.  and  his  ministers  to  suppose 
that  this  step  was  a  most  factious  and  dangerous  proceeding, 
on  the  part  of  a  few  only  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates.  Upon 
this,  a  letter  came  down,  dated  19th  May  1674,  declaring 
his  Majesty's  extreme  '<  dissatisfaction  and  abhorrence"  of 
appeals,  and  prohibiting  all  Members  of  the  College  of  Justice 
from  sanctioning  or  countenancing  them  in  future.* 

The  Marquis  of  Huntly,  on  behalf  of  the  Earl  of  Aboyne, 
his  nephew,  followed  Lord  Callender's  example,  by  entering 
an  appeal  in  a  cause  in  which  his  ward  had  been  unsuccess- 
ful, but  this  appeal,  as  well  as  the  preceding  one,  was  annul- 
led by  the  letter  before  alluded  to.  Lord  Fountainhall,  in 
his  unpublished  manuscripts,  gives  the  following  account  of 
what  subsequently  took  place  in  the  later  case.  "  When  the 
"  Marquis  returned  from  the  French  camp,  my  Lord  Lau- 
'*  derdale  persuaded  him  judicially  to  compear  before  the 
"  Lords  of  Session,  and  take  up  his  appeal,  and  declare  he 
*'  passed  from  it,  and  which  he  did  on  the  26th  of  January 
"  1675,  and  then  promised  him  not  only  a  new  hearing,  but 
"  gave  him  some  insinuations  to  hope  a  redress.  Yet,  after 
"  a  second  debate,  they  adhered  to  their  former  interlocutor, 
''  and  so  he  was  either  ill  or  well  served  for  his  complimenting 
<*  them  ;  but  the  times  were  such,  as  no  rational  man  could 
<'  expect  an  alteration  from  them,  of  what  had  escaped  from 

*  Acts  of  Sederunt,  p.  1 14. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  11 

"  them,  though  unawares :  they  blushed  to  confess  what  is 
"  incident  to  humanity  itself  (nam  humanum  est  errare), 
"  where  their  honour  was  once  engaged  at  the  stake."* 

His  Majesty's  letter  did  not  produce  the  result  anticipated. 
The  advocates  still  continued  refractory,  and  an  open  rup- 
ture with  the  Court  was  the  consequence.  It  is  remarkable, 
that  in  the  number  of  malcontents  the  names  of  Sir  George 
Lockhart,  afterwards  President,  and  Sir  George  Mackenzie, 
Lord  Advocate,  are  to  be  found.  The  refractory  barristers 
continued  long  obstinate,  one  portion  of  them  residing  at 
Haddington,  under  Sir  George  Lockhart  as  their  leader,  and 
another  proceeding  to  Linlithgow,  under  the  auspices  of  Sir 
John  Cunningham. 

This  dispute  amongst  the  lawyers  gave  rise  to  a  variety  of 
pasquinades,  some  of  which  have  been  preserved.  The  fol- 
lowing parody,  upon  a  well-known  song  of  the  time,  entitled 
••'  I  like  my  humour  well,  boys,"  is  amusing  enough  : 

'^  The  President  with  his  head  on  one  side,t 

''  He  swears  that  for  treason  we  all  shall  be  tryed ; 

"  We  tell  him  'twas  not  so  with  Chancellor  Hyde. 

'^  And  I  like  my  humour  weill,  boyes^ 

"  And  I  like  my  humour  weill. 

*'  The  President  bids  us  repent  of  our  sin, 

*'  And  swears  we'll  be  forfault  if  we  don't  come  in  ; 

''  We  answer  him  all.  We  care  not  a  pin. 

"  And  I  like  my  humour  weill,  boyes, 

"  And  I  like  humour  weill." 

*  Kirkton's  Church  History,  p.  347.     Scottish  Pasquils,  vol.  ii,  p.  15-16. 

f  Lord  Stair's  head,  either  from  accident  or  disease,  was  on  one  side,  and 
afforded  to  his  enemies,  and  he  had  no  small  number,  a  never-failing  subject  of 
ridicule.  Thus  the  "  Satire  on  the  family  of  Stairs"  (Scottish  Pasquils,  vol.  1, 
p.  48)  commences : 

"  Stair's  neck,  mynd,  wife,  son,  grandson,  and  the  rest, 
*'  Are  wry,  false,  witch,  pets,  parricid  possest : 
**  Curst  be  the  cause  of  Scotland's  constant  woe, 
*'  That  hinders  justice  in  even  paths  to  go." 


12  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

A  Parody  on  "  Farewell,  fair  Armida ,"*  is  perhaps  a  better 
specimen  of  the  legal  wit  of  the  time. — 

1 

Farewell  Craigie  Wallace,t  the  cause  of  my  grief, 
In  vain  have  I  loved  you,  but  found  no  relief; 
Undone  by  your  lettersj  so  strict  and  severe. 
You  make  but  bad  use  of  his  Majesty's  ear. 

2 

Now  prompted  by  hatred,  we  know  your  intent 
Is  to  dissolve  us  like  the  Parliament ; 
But  we  know,  tho'  we  languish,  in  two  months  delay. 
We  shall  all  be  restored  on  Martinmas  day. 

3 

On  hills  and  in  vallies,  midst  paitricks§  and  hares. 
We'll  sport,  or  we  pleed  in  perpetual!  fears. 
The  death- wounds  ye  gave  us,  our  clients  do  know. 
Who  swear  had  they  known  it,  it  should  not  be  soe. 

4 

But  if  some  kind  friend  to  our  Prince  should  convey. 
And  laugh  at  our  solitude  when  we're  away ; 
The  barres  in  each  house,  when  ye  empty  shall  see. 
You'll  say  with  a  sigh,  'twas  occasioned  by  me. 

Answer. 

1 

Blame  not  Craigie  Wallace,  nor  call  him  your  grief. 
It  was  Stairs,  and  not  he,  that  denied  you  relief; 
Abuse  not  his  letter,  nor  call  him  severe, 
Who  never,  God  knows,  had  his  Majesty's  ear. 

*  By  Dryden. 

f  Sir  Thomas  Wallace  of  Craigie,  Lord  President. 

J  Letter  from  Charles  the  II,  dated  19th  May  1674,  disapproving  of  Appeals 
to  Parliament. 
§  Partridges. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  13 


It's  true  ye  may  think,  that  we  were  not  content. 
When  from  us  ye  appealed  to  the  Parliament ; 
But  we  grieve  when  we  think  your  gown  should  defray 
The  expense  of  your  folly  on  Martinmas  day. 


To  hills  or  to  vallies  that  ye  will  repair. 
It  seems  of  our  favour  ye  mean  to  despair  ; 
Of  your  joint  resolution  we  daily  do  hear. 
Yet  grieve  we  to  think  that  it  cost  you  so  dear. 


But  if  male-contents  to  our  Prince  should  convey, 
And  show  we  are  useless  when  you  are  away, 
We'l  laugh  at  your  fate,  which  ye  would  not  prevent. 
And  bid  you  appeal  to  the  Parliament. 

The  following  clever  but  coarse  address  "  to  the  Advo- 
cates who  stayed  behind,""  is  sufficiently  bitter, — 

As  when  the  generous  wines  drawn  off  and  gone. 

The  dregs  in  puncheon  a remain  alone ; 

And  when  the  Lion's  dead,  base  maggots  breed 
Upon  his  rump,  and  then  do  sweetly  feed ; — 
Even  so,  of  Advocates  you're  but  the  rump. 
That  noble  Faculty's  turn'd  to  a  stump ; 
And  so  Dundonald  does  you  much  command. 
Because  you  are  the  Faculty's  wrong  end. 
But  since  a  Rumple*  President  does  sit. 
That  rumps  at  bar,  should  domineer  was  fit. 
Yet  where  the  taill  is  thus  in  the  head's  place. 
No  doubt,  the  body  has  a  s — ^n  face. 
Thus,  thus,  some  men  reform  our  laws  and  gown. 
As  Taylors  doe  by  turning  upsyde  down. 

•  A  play  upon  Lord  Stair's  family  name  of  Dalrymple,  which  was  pronounced 
as  if  spelt  with  an  u  instead  ofay. 


14  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

In  due  season  the  advocates  were  compelled  to  bend  to 
the  powers  that  were,  and  after  having  been  contumacious  for 
considerably  more  than  twelve  months,  upon  making  proper 
submission,  they  were,  upon  the  25th  January  1676,  re-ad- 
mitted to  practice.  But  the  triumph  of  the  Judges  was  not 
of  long  duration  ;  for  the  Peers  and  members  of  Parliament 
began  to  see  that  appeals  might  be  turned  to  good  account, 
and  they  probably  thought  that  there  was  no  reason  why  the 
judges  should  have  a  monopoly  of  judicial  patronage  and  plun- 
der. Appeals  were  encouraged,  and  in  a  very  short  time 
became  common  enough. 

It  may  be  here  not  out  of  place  to  turn  to  another  tribunal 
where  justice  was  administered  on  a  similar  scale.  The 
Scotish  Privy  Council,  which  possessed  a  pretty  extensive 
jurisdiction,  was  proverbial  for  its  venality  and  rapacity. 
Lord  Fountainhall  records  a  somewhat  amusing  instance  of 
the  manner  in  which  this  honourable  Court  exerted  its 
powers  to  serve  particular  purposes.  John  eighth  Lord  El- 
phinstone  was  debtor  by  bond  to  William  Forbes  of  Tol- 
quhan  in  the  sum  of  10,000  merks,  which  he  was  not  very 
willing,  or  rather  perhaps,  was  unable  to  repay.  Luckily 
for  him,  Forbes,  who  was  a  man  of  a  somewhat  irritable  tem- 
perament, quarrelled  with  his  clergyman,  Mr.  John  Strauchan, 
and,  in  the  heat  of  the  moment,  gave  him  *'  a  cufF."  Such 
a  chance  as  this  did  not  escape  the  vigilance  of  the  debtor. 
Forbes  was  cited  before  the  Privy  Council,  where,  after  the 
fashion  of  a  modern  election  committee,  the  result  had  been 
already  settled,  and  he  was  adjudged  to  pay  a  fine  of  10,000 
merks  to  the  Crown,  five  hundred  merks  to  Mr.  Strauchan, 
and  four  dollars  to  every  witness  adduced  against  him,  and 
the  better  to  enforce  implement  of  the  sentence,  he  was  or- 
dered to  be  imprisoned  till  he  had  obeyed  it.  Elphinstone 
had  previously  arranged  that  he  was  to  get  the  fine,  and  as 
it  was  the  precise  sum  in  which  he  was  indebted  to  Forbes, 
he  was  thus  enabled  to  pay  his  debt  without  putting  his  hand 
into  his  pockets  at  all.     Fountainhall  candidly  informs  us 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  15 

that  all  this  '*•  was  only  done  to  pay  a  bond  of  the  like  sum 
"  which  he  had  of  my  Lord  Elphinstone,  who  has  got  a  right 
"  to  the  fine." 

Lord  Fountainhall  in  his  Chronological  Notes,  p.  247,  re- 
fers to  a  lawsuit  between  Mr.  Robert  Pittilloch,  advocate,* 
and  Mr.  Aytoun  of  Inchdairnie,  the  son-in-law  of  Lord  Har- 
carse,  one  of  the  judges,  in  which  the  former  did  not  hesitate 
to  call  the  learned  lord  "  a  bryber,''  for  which  he  (Pittilloch) 
was  apprehended.  Harcarse  was  removed  the  ensuing  day 
from  the  bench,  and  it  does  not  seem  tliat  any  thing  was  done 
to  his  opponent,  who  published  an  account  of  the  whole  pro- 
ceedings under  the  following  singular  title : — "  Oppression 
"  under  the  Colour  of  Law ;  or,  My  Lord  Harcarse  his  new 
"  Praticks  :  As  a  way-marke  for  peaceable  subjects  to  beware 
"  of  pleying  with  a  hot-spirited  Lord  of  Session,  so  far  as  is 
"  possible  when  arbitrarie  Government  is  in  the  Dominion. 
"  — Proverbs  xx,  verse  21,  An  inheritance  may  be  gotten 
"  hastily  at  the  beginning,  but  the  end  thereof  shall  not  be 
*'  blessed.^j-  The  author  did  not  venture  to  print  this  vio- 
lent attack  in  Edinburgh,  and  accordingly  it  bears  the  im- 
print of  London  1689- 

Of  course  it  would  be  unfair  to  take  a  narrative  of  this  de- 
scription prepared  by  the  party  aggrieved,  as  evidence  of  the 
corrupt  practices  of  Lord  Harcarse.  It  is  too  probable,  how- 
ever, that  the  accusation  was  not  without  some  foundation  ; 
for  laying  aside  entirely  the  "  habite  and  repute""  character 
of  the  judges,  it  is  remarkable  that  Fountainhall,  while  al- 
luding to  the  lawsuit  and  the  accusation,  neither  states  the 
latter  to  be  false,  nor  ventures  in  his  decisions  to  report  the 
former.  There  is,  besides,  one  fact  mentioned  in  the  pamph- 
let, which,  if  true,  is  somewhat  startling,  namely,  that  when 
the  cause  was  called  by  Lord  Drumcairn,  who  was  the  Or- 

•  This  gentleman,  during  the  usurpation,  was  Solicitor- General  to  the  Pro- 
tector, a  circumstance  which  would  not  tend  to  his  advantage  at  the  restoration. 

t  P.  19.  A  few  copies  of  this  legal  curiosity  were  reprinted.  Stevenson, 
1827.     Quarto. 


16  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

dinary,  "  my  Lord  Harcarse  compeared  with  his  Purple 
'*  Gown,  and  debated  the  case  as  Inchdairnie's  advocate.". 
The  notion  of  a  judge  in  his  robes  debating  as  counsel  the 
case  which  he  might  afterwards  be  called  upon  to  decide,  is 
not  very  reconcileable  with  modern  notions  of  propriety. 
Pittilloch  entered  an  appeal,  and  from  no  notice  being  taken 
in  the  Parliamentary  Journals  of  its  fate,  in  all  likelihood  the 
suit  was  compromised.* 

But  a  much  better  authenticated  instance  of  judicial  injus- 
tice and  tyranny  has  been  preserved  in  the  sederunt-book  of 
the  parish  of  Dalry.-f  It  would  seem  that  a  Dr.  Johnston  had, 
by  a  codicil  to  his  will,  left  the  sum  of  sfi'SOOO  towards  the 
establishing  a  grammar  school  in  the  parish  of  Dairy.  Pay- 
ment of  this  sum  was  resisted  by  a  Mr.  Joissy,i  one  of  the 
executors,  and  an  action  before  the  Court  of  Session  was 
thereupon  brought  at  the  instance  of  the  parish.  The  de- 
fender had  enlisted  under  his  banners  Alexander  Gibson  of 
Dury,  one  of  the  principal  Clerks  of  Session,  and  by  their 
joint  influence  they  were  enabled  to  secure  a  certain  portion 
of  the  judges.  On  the  other  hand,  the  Earl  of  Galloway 
patronized  the  heritors,  and  by  his  and  the  other  means  re- 
sorted to,  the  Bench  became  equally  divided. 

Unfortunately  for  the  parish,  the  Lord  President ||  had 
been  gained  over  by  Joissy,  and  he  uniformly  contrived  to 
manage  matters  so  judiciously,  that  the  cause  was  never  call- 
ed in  the  absence  of  the  supporters  of  the  defender.  It  so 
happened,  to  use  the  words  of  the  report,  that  the  Court  hav- 

•  Lord  Harcarse  reported  from  1681  to  1701  ;  but  no  notice  of  this  remark- 
able case  is  taken  in  the  printed  volume  of  decisions. 

f  The  entry  is  regularly  attested  by  the  subscription  of  the  different  heritors. 
There  seems  no  reason  for  doubting  the  accuracy  of  the  statement. 

J  This  man  was  a  barber-surgeon,  and  the  following  curious  entry  relative  to  his 
professional  charges  occurs  in  the  note-book  of  Sir  John  Fowlis  of  Ravelston, 
Bart. — '*  April  5,  1680.  To  John  Jossie  for  cutting  my  sone  Adames  tongue, 
being  tongue-tacked,  £5,  16s.''  (Scots  money.) 

H  Sir  Hew  Dalrymple  of  North  Berwick,  Bart,  second  son  of  the  Viscount 
of  Stair.     He  had  the  reputation  of  a  first  rate  jobber. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  l7 

ing  *•'  accidentally  appointed  a  perrempter  day,  about  the 
"  beginning  of  February  1704,  for  reporting  and  decyding  in 
*'  the  cause,  both  parties  concluded  that  the  paroch  would 
"  then  gain  it,  since  one  of  Mr  Joissy's  lords  came  to  be 
'«  then  absent.  For  as  my  Lord  Anstruther's  hour  in  the 
"  Outer-House  was  betwixt  nine  and  ten  of  the  clock  in  the 
"  morning,  so  the  Earl  of  Lauderdal,  as  Ordinary  in  the 
"  Outer-House,  behoved  to  sit  from  ten  to  twelve  in  the  fore- 
"  noon  :  for  by  the  21st  act  of  the  fourth  session  of  the  first 
"  Parliament  of  King  William  and  Queen  Mary,  its  statuted 
"  expressly,  that,  if  the  Lord  Ordinary  in  the  Outer-House 
"  sit  and  reason  or  voat  in  any  cause  in  the  Inner-House 
''  after  the  chap  of  ten  hours  in  the  cloak,  he  may  be  declin- 
*'  ed  by  either  party  in  the  cause  from  ever  voating  there- 
"  after  thereintill :  Yet  such  was  the  Lord  President's  man- 
*'  agement,  that  so  soon  as  my  Lord  Anstruther  returned 
"  from  the  Outer-House  at  ten  of  the  cloak,  and  that  my 
"  Lord  Lauderdal  was  even  desired  by  some  of  the  Lords 
"  to  take  his  post  in  the  Outer-House  in  the  tearms  of  law : 
"  Yet  his  Lordship  was  pleased  after  ten  to  sit  and  voat 
"  against  the  paroch,  the  President  at  that  junctur  having 
"  put  the  cause  to  a  voat." 

Of  this  irregular  conduct  the  parish  found  it  their  duty  to 
complain  ;  and  John  Menzies  of  Cammo,  an  eminent  lawyer, 
prepared  and  boxed  a  declinature  of  the  Lord  Lauderdale,  in 
name  of  Mr.  Ferguson  of  Cairoch  and  the  other  heritors, 
stating  the  violation  of  the  Act  of  Parliament  by  his  Lord- 
ship voting  in  the  Inner-House  after  ten  o'clock,  when  he 
ought  to  have  been  sitting  in  judgment  in  the  Outer-House. 
This  measure  had  been  recommended  by  some  of  the  judges 
who  were  in  the  interest  of  the  parish,  and  who  had  objected 
to  his  Lordship's  sitting  and  voting.  The  next  morning  the 
President  came  to  the  Court  in  a  tremendous  rage,  insisting 
that  every  individual  in  any  ways  connected  with  the  de- 
clinature should  be  punished.  Upon  this  the  client,  counsel, 
and  agent,  were  ordered  to  be  cited  as  criminals;  the  former 


18  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

escaped,  having  taken  horse  about  an  hour  before  the  macer 
came  to  summon  him ;  the  latter  appeared,  but  "  the  speat 
"  was  so  high  against  the  paroch  and  them  all  the  time,  that 
"  they  behooved  to  employ  all  their  friends,  and  solicit  a  very 
"  particular  Lord  that  morning  before  they  went  to  the  house; 
"  and  my  Lord  President  was  so  high  upon't,  that  when 
"  Cambo  (Cammo)  told  him  that  my  Lord  Lauderdal,  contrair 
"  to  the  Act  of  Parliament,  satt  after  ten  a  cloak,  his  Lord- 
"  ship  unmannerly  said  to  Cambo,  as  good  a  gentleman  as 

"  himself,  that  it  was  a  d d  lye." 

Upon  thisMenzies  and  the  agent  offered  to  prove  their  aver- 
ments, but  the  Judges  ordained  them  to  be  instantly  incar- 
cerated, while  they  deliberated  what  punishment  should  be 
inflicted.  After  some  consultation  the  two  gentlemen  were 
called  to  the  bar  as  "  malefactors,"  and  were  ordained  to  beg 
Lord  Lauderdale's  pardon,  which  they  accordingly  did. 

No  redress  could  by  possibility  be  obtained  for  this  out- 
rageous procedure,  for,  as  the  author  of  the  report  says,  "  the 
"  misery  at  that  time  was,  the  Lords  were  in  effect  absolute^ 
"  for  they  did  as  they  pleased,  and  when  any  took  courage  to 
"  protest  for  remeid  of  law  to  the  Scotch  Parliament,  they 
"  were  seldom  or  never  any  redress  gott  there,  all  the  Lords 
"  being  still  present,  by  which  the  Parliament  was  so  over- 
"  awed,  that  not  ane  decreit  among  a  hundred  was  reduced." 
Amongst  the  more  influential  judges,  about  the  period  of 
the  preceding  decision,  was  Lord  Whytlaw,  who  had  a  very 
short  time  before  his  death  been  made  Justice-Clerk.     He 
expected  the  Presidency,  but  the  superior  influence  of  Dal- 
rymple  had  prevailed.     Which  side  he  took  in  the  parish  dis- 
pute alluded  to,  does  not  appear.     His  character  is  thus  pour- 
trayed  by  Lockhart,  who,  after  stating  he  owed  his  elevation 
to  whiggery,   remarks :    "  He  soon  displayed    a    forward 
"  haughty  mind.     Betwixt  man  and  man,  where  he  had  no 
'^  particular  concern,  he  was  just,  but  extremely  partial  where 
«'  his  friend  or  his  own  politics  interfered.     He  had  a  sound 
"  solid  judgment,  but  all  his  actions  were  accompanied  with 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  19 

*'  SO  much  pride,  vanity,  ill-nature  and  severity,  that  he  was 
"  odious  to  every  body/'*  His  demise,  which  occurred  in  the 
month  of  December  1704,  gave  rise  to  a  number  of  epitaphs, 
by  no  means  very  flattering  to  his  memory.  Some  of  these 
jeux  (Tesprit  are  preserved  in  the  collection  of  Scottish  Pas- 
quils  so  often  referred  to. 

One  of  them,  which  has  considerable  spirit,  we  insert. — 

Old  Nick  was  in  want  of  a  Lawyer  in  Hell 

To  preside  o'er  the  Court  there  of  Session^ 
So  old  Whytlaw  he  took,  for  he  suited  him  well 

For  tyranny,  lust,  and  oppression. 

*Twixt  the  Devil  and  Whytlaw  the  poor  wretches  damn'd. 

Will  be  sore  put  about  in  that  hot  land. 
For  now  since  the  Justice-Clerk  got  the  command 

They  could  hardly  be  worse  oflF  in  Scotland. 

The  Union  was  the  first  effectual  step  towards  a  reform  of 
the  Court  of  Session,  and  we  may  fairly  ascribe  to  the  establish- 
ment of  an  appellate  jurisdiction,  the  benefits  we  enjoy  un- 
der the  present  system.  The  right  of  appeal  to  a  quarter 
where  private  influence  could  not  operate,  and  where  local 
prejudice  never  could  arise,  necessarily  controlled  the  judges 
of  the  subordinate  court,  and  in  this  way  the  seat  of  Justice 
was  gradually  purified.  As  might  be  expected,  the  right  of 
appeal  was  keenly  opposed.  In  a  rery  able  pamphlet  entitled  O^^ 
the  Testamentary  Duty  of  the  Parliament  of  Scotland,  the 
writer,  in  weighing  the  reasons  both  for  and  against  the  pri- 
vilege, remarks,  that  to  allow  no  appeals,  was  "  to  constitute 
''  fifteen  tyrants,  as  our  historian  (Buchanan)  called  these 
*'  judges  of  old  ;  and  to  augment  the  grievances  we  are  under 
"  already  with  respect  to  this  judicature,  and  to  fill  the  whole 
"  nation  with  complaint  and  discontent.     What  shall  they 

*  Lockhart  Papers,  vol.  i.  p.  107. 


20  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

"  think  of  the  absolute  power  who  observe,  that  men  take 
"  not  ordinarily  their  measures  according  to  the  justice  or 
"  injustice  of  their  suits,  but  their  influence  and  interests 
'^  with  the  Lords,  adhering  to  the  old  compend  of  the  Scots 
*'  law,  Shew  me  the  man  and  I'll  shew  you  the  law  ?  And, 
"  finally,  what  shall  be  their  opinion  of  it,  who  are  concerned 
''  in  appeals  already  made  from  the  Session,  and  in  discuss- 
''  ing  whereof  they  expect  redress  ?  And  certainly  it  is  the 
"  sentiment  of  the  generality  of  the  nation  that  there  should 
''  be  appeals  from  the  Lords  of  Session,  if  it  should  have  no 
"  other  effect  than  to  overawe  them." 

Even  so  far  down  as  the  year  1737,  traces  of  the  an- 
cient evil  may  be  found.  Thus,  in  some  very  curious  let- 
ters which  passed  between  William  Foulis,  Esq.  of  Wood- 
hall,  and  his  agent  Thomas  Gibson  of  Dury,  there  is  evi- 
dence that  private  influence  could  even  then  be  resorted 
to.  The  agent  writes  to  his  client,  in  reference  to  a  pend- 
ing lawsuit  (23d  November  1735) :  "  I  have  spoke  to 
"  Strachan  and  several  of  the  Lords,  who  are  all  surprised 
*'.Sir  F(rancis  Kinloch)*  should  stand  that  plea.     By  Lord 


*  He  died  2d  March  1747.  His  grandfather  was  an  Edinburgh  Clothier,  who 
acquiring  considerable  wealth,  became  Dean  of  Guild,  and  subsequently  Lord 
Provost  of  Edinburgh.  His  great  grandfather  was  a  sexton,  if  we  may  give 
credit  to  a  pasquinade  entitled  '•  a  gentleman's  turn  to  Jacob  Kinloch,  for  call- 
**  ing  him  a  dunce  in  the  Coffee-house,  1674,"  where  it  is  said, — 

**  I  wondered  much  who  and  what  ye  could  be, 

*•  Till  one  did  thus  extract  your  pedigree, 

*•  His  grandsire  was  a  sexton  fairie  elf, 

"  Lived  on  the  dead,  and  digged  graves  for  pelf 

**  He  left  unto  his  son,  which  severall  yeares 

"  He  did  augment  by  needle,  thimble,  shears, 

**  Till  pride  that  devill  him  threw,  and  did  distill 

"  Through  needle-eye,  and  made  him  Dean  of  Gild,"  Sec. 

Sir  Walter  Scott  used  to  tell  an  anecdote  of  one  of  the  family  who  set  up  as 
a  man  of  fashion,  and  who  being  present  at  a  meeting  of  the  freeholders  of  Had" 
dington,  took  occasion  to  rally  an  old  gentleman  who  was  there  upon  the  an- 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  21 

**  St.  Clair's  advice,  Mrs.  Kinloch  is  to  wait  on  Lady  Cairnie 
*'  to-morrow,  to  cause  her  ask  the  favour  of  Lady  St.  Clair  to 
"  solicit  Lady  Betty  Elphingston  and  Lady  Dun.  My  Lord 
"  promises  to  hack  his  Lady,  and  to  ply  hoth  their  Lords, 
"  also  Leven  and  his  cousin  Murkle.*  He  is  your  good 
"  friend,  and  wishes  success ;  he  is  jealous  Mrs.  Mackie  will 
*'  side  with  her  cousin  Beatie.  St.  Clair  says,  Lemn  f  has 
"  only  once  gone  wrong  upon  his  hand  since  he  was  a  Lord 
"  of  Session.  Mrs.  Kinloch  has  heen  with  Miss  Pringle, 
*'  Newhall.  Young  Doctor  Pringle  is  a  good  agent  there, 
''  and  discourses  Lord  Newhall  t  strongly  on  the  law  of 
"  nature,''''  &c. 

Again,  upon  the  23d  of  January  1737,  he  writes, — "  I  can 
"  assure  you  that  when  Lord  Primrose  left  this  town,  he 
"  staid  all  that  day  with  Lord  J(ustice)  C(lerk)§  and  went 
"  to  Andrew  Bromefield  att  night,  and  went  off  post  next 
"  morning  ;  and  what  made  him  despair  of  getting  any  thing 
"  done  was,  that  it  has  been  so  long  delayed,  after  promising 
"  so  frankly,  when  he  knew  the  one  could  cause  the  other 
"  trot  to  him  like  a  penny-dog,  when  he  pleased.  But  there's 
*'  another  hinderance  :  I  suspect  much  Penty||  has  not  heen 
"  in  town  as  yett,  and  I  fancy  its  by  him  the  other  must  be 
"  managed.  The  Ld.  J(ustice)  C(lerk)  is  frank  enough,  but 
"  the  other  two  are  damned  clippies.  I  met  with  Bavelaw 
"  and  Mr.  Wm.  Tuesday  last.  I  could  not  persuade  the  last 
"  to  go  to  a  wine-house,  so  away  we  went  to  an  aquavity- 

tique  cut  of  his  garments,  remarking  that  he  was  very  much  delighted  with  their 
elegance  and  fashion,  "  deed  my  man,  was  the  reply"  *•  so  you  ought,  for  they 
"  were  made  by  your  grandfather." 

*  John  Sinclair  of  Murkle,  appointed  a  Lord  of  Session  in  1733. 

t  Alexander  Leslie,  Advocate,  succeeded  his  nephew  as  fifth  Earl  of  Leven, 
and  fourth  Earl  of  Melville  in  1729.  He  was  named  a  Lord  of  Session  and  took 
his  seat  on  the  bench  on  the  eleventh  of  July  1734.     He  died  2d  February  1754. 

:j:  Sir  Walter  Pringle  of  Newhall,  raised  to  the  bench  in  1718. 

§  Andrew  Fletcher  of  Milton  was  appointed,  on  the  resignation  of  James 
Erskine  of  Grange,  Lord  Justice-Clerk,  and  took  his  seat  on  the  Bench  21st 
June  1735. 

II  Probably  Gibson  of  Pentland. 


22  COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND. 

"  house,  where  I  told  Mr.  Wm.  what  had  past,  as  I  had 
"  done  hefore  that  to  Bavelaw.  They  seemed  to  agree  no- 
"  thing  could  he  done  just  now,  hut  to  know  why  Lord 
•■'  Drummore*  dissuaded  bringing  in  the  plea  last  winter. 
"  /  have  desired  Lord  Haining  to  speak,  hut  only  expect 
"  his  answer  against  Tuesday  or  Wednesday. "t 

It  is  not  our  intention  to  pursue  these  remarks  further,  al- 
though we  believe  that  judicial  corruption  continued  long  after 
the  Union.  We  might  adduce  Lord  President  Forbes  as  a  wit- 
ness on  this  point,  who,  one  of  the  most  upright  lawyers  himself, 
did  not  take  any  pains  to  conceal  his  contempt  for  many  of 
his  brethren.  A  favourite  toast  of  his  is  said  to  have  been, 
— "  here's  to  such  of  the  judges,  as  do'nt  deserve  the  gallows."J 
Latterly,  the  complaint  against  the  judges  was  not  so  much 
for  corrupt  dealing,  with  the  view  of  enriching  themselves 
or  their  "  pet"  lawyer,  but  for  weak  prejudices  and  feelings, 
which  but  ill  accorded  with  the  high  office  they  filled. 

These  abuses,  the  recapitulation  of  which  may  amuse  and 
instruct,  are  now  only  matter  of  history, — the  spots  that 

•  Hew  Dalrymple  of  Drummore,  appointed  a  Lord  of  Session  in  1726. 

f  The  original  letters  are  in  possession  of  Sir  James  Foulis,  Bart,  of  Woodhall. 

J  A  story  is  told  of  one  of  the  judges  of  the  old  school,  which,  if  correct, 
indicates,  that  not  quite  a  century  since,  there  still  did  exist  some  of  the  old  leaven. 
It  is  said  that  a  law-suit  had  for  some  time  depended  between  the  Magistrates  of 
a  certain  circuit  town  and  some  neighbouring  proprietor,  which  had  been  brought 
to  a  termination  unfavourable  to  the  wishes  of  the  former  by  the  admirable 
management  of  one  of  the  judges.  This  eminent  person,  who  happened  to  be  a 
justiciary  judge,  had  occasion  officially  to  visit  the  town  in  question,  where  he 
was  received  with  becoming  gratitude  and  attention  by  the  gratified  Magistrates. 
At  a  feast, — whether  given  by  the  judge  or  his  clients  we  forget, — the  Magistrates 
gravely  thanked  the  learned  Lord  for  his  kind  exertions,  and  trusted  he  would 
continue  his  patronage.  My  Lord  smiled  and  bowed,  and  looked  particularly 
amiable  ; — presuming  on  his  good  nature  and  complacent  demeanour,  one  of  the 
number  ventured  to  hint,  that  his  Lordship's  services  might  again  be  required, 
as  they,  emboldened  by  their  former  success,  had  commenced  another  new 
suit,  and  he  was  humbly  requested  to  carry  them  through  with  that  case  also. 
"  Na,  na,  I  canna  do  that,"  exclaimed  my  Lord;  "why?"  exclaimed  all  the 
astonished  Magistrates,  amazed  probably  at  what  they  conceived  to  be  a  most 
uncalled  for  scruple  of  conscience,  *'  because"  rejoined  the  judge,  ♦♦  you're 
too  late,  I've  already  gein  my  promise  to  the  opposite  party."  r 


¥ 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  23 

once  sullied  the  garments  of  justice  are  effaced,  and  the  old 
compend, — "  Shew  me  the  man  and  I'll  shew  you  the  law," 
is  out  of  date. 


II. 

LINES  ON  SIR  JAMES  STEWART,  LORD  ADVOCATE. 

Sir  James  Stewart  was  very  unpopular  with  the  jacobite  party  who  vented  their 
spleen  against  him  in  lampoons.  To  them  he  was  indebted  for  the  soubriquet 
of  Jamie  Wylie.*  He  held  the  office  of  Lord  Advocate,  with  the  exception 
of  one  year,  from  1692  until  his  death  in  IVlS.f  The  beautiful  estate  of 
Goodtrees  (commonly  pronounced  Gutters)  and  now  called  Moredun,  in  the 
Parish  of  Libberton,  belonged  to  him.  In  the  Scotish  Pasquils  will  be  found 
the  following  pithy  lines  upon  Sir  James,  from  a  MS  of  old  Robert  Mylne. 

Sir  James  Stewart  thoul't  hing 

in  a  string, 
Sir  James  Stewart,  knave 

and  rogue  thou  art. 
For  thou  neer  had  a  true  heart 

to  God  or  King, 
Sir  James  Stewart  thoul't  hing 

in  a  string. 


Quam  formosa  tua  et  facies  tenehrosa  Stewarte^ 
Quam  simplex,  duplex,  quam  falsum  pectus  honesti, 
Quam  verax  mendax,  oh  !  quam  suavis  amarus. 
Quam  celeste  tecum  meditans  terrestria  pectus. 
Tuque  colens  Christum,  coelum,  nee  Tartara  credis 
Non  mirum  quamvis  ludis  utraque  manu. 

PARAPHRASED. 

How  wonderous  are  the  features  of  thy  face. 
Where  smyles  and  frowns  hy  turns  assume  their  place. 
That  gloomy  cloud  which  on  thy  hrows  does  sit 
Speaks  thy  deep  judgement  and  thy  dangerous  wit : 

*  Scotish  Pasquils,  Vol.  1.  p.  78 Edin.  1827, 12mo. 

t  Transactions  of  the  Antiquarian  Society  of  Scotland,  Vol.   1.  p.  320. — 
Edin.  1792,  4to. 


24  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Thy  visage  is  ane  emblem  of  thy  heart 
Where  every  passion  acts  a  different  part ; 
A  subtile  serpent,  now  a  harmless  dove. 
All  rage  and  furie — in  a  moment  love. 
By  nature  false,  yet  honest  if  thou  please. 
Honey  or  gall,  speak  truth  or  specious  lyes. 
Such  Proteus  shapes  you  can  put  on  with  ease. 
A  saint  in  show,  but  in  a  carnal  mynde, 
A  slave  to  mammon's  drossie  part  inclyn'd ; 
Heav'n  thou  pretends  to  seek,  but  heav'n  does  know 
All  thy  desires  are  center'd  here  below. 
Wheedling's  thy  trade,  and  spite  of  all  commands 
Thou  find'st  the  art  to  play  with  both  the  hands. 


III. 

THE  POOR  CLIENT'S  COMPLAINT, 

DONE    OUT    OF    BUCHANAN. 

From  a  broadside  in  the  Library  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates,  upon  which  is 
written  the  following  MS.  Note. 

**  Epigram  I.  Book  1st,  by  Master  Andrew  Simpsone,  Episcopale  Minister, 
as  is  commonly  reported ;  and  he  confessed  it  before  Mr.  Da  vide  his  sone,  and 
Andrew  Lawder,  writer,  his  lodger,  in  Anno  1707  and  thereafter." 

Simpson  is  well  known  for  his  zeal  and  sufferings  for  Episcopacy.  He  was  the 
author  of  various  works  controversial,  topographical,  and  poetical.  His  account 
of  Galloway  was  a  few  years  since  published  from  a  MS.  in  the  Faculty  Library  by 
Thomas  Mai tland,  Esquire,  Advocate.  The  poem,  if  it  can  be  so  termed, — enti- 
tuled  "  Tripatriarchichon,  or  the  Lives  of  the  three  Patriarchs,  Abraham,  Isaac, 
and  Jacob,  extracted  forth  of  the  sacred  king,  and  digested  into  English  verse." 
Edinburgh,  1705,  8vo, — is  known  to  the  book  collector  for  its  rarity;  and  to 
the  book  reader  for  its  absurdity. 

Colin,  by  promise,  being  oblig'd  to  pay 
Me  such  a  sum,  betwixt  and  such  a  day ; 
I  ask'd  it — he  refus'd  it — I  addrest 
Aulus  the  Lawyer.     He  reply'd  "  Its"  best 
To  sue  him  at  the  Law.    I'll  make  him  debtor, 
"  Your  cause  is  good,  there  cannot  be  a  better." 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  25 

Being  thus  advis'd,  away  to  Pate  I  trudge^ 

Pray  him,  and  pay  him,  to  bespeak  the  Judge. 

Engag'd  thus  far,  be't  better  be  it  worse 

I  must  proceed,  and  thus  I  do  depurse : — 

For  writing  summons,  signing,  signeting. 

With  a  red  plaster  and  a  paper  ring ; 

For  summoning  the  principal,  and  then 

For  citeing  witnesses  to  say  "  Amen  !" 

For  execution  (alias  indorsations). 

For  tabling,  calling  with  continuations ; 

Next  for  consulting  Aulus  and  his  man ; 

(For  he  must  be  consulted  now  and  then). 

For  pleading  in  the  outer-house  and  inner 

From  ten  to  twelve — then  Aulus  goes  to  dinner ; 

For  writing  bills,  for  reading  them,  for  answers. 

More  dubious  than  those  of  Necromancers. 

For  interlocutors,  for  little  acts. 

For  large  decreets,  and  their  as  large  extracts. 

For  hornings,  for  discussing  of  suspensions 

Full  stuflF' d  with  lies  and  frivolous  pretensions. 

For  ''  Please  your  Lordships"  and  such  like  petitions. 

For  raising  and  for  serving  inhibitions. 

And  for  comprysings,  or  adjudications, 

For  their  allowances  for  registrations. 

With  many  other  acts  and  protestations. 

Which  may  be  summ'd  up  in  one  word — vexations. 

Then  unexpectedly  upon  a  small 

Defect  alleg'd,  Colin  reduces  all : 

We  to  't  again,  and  Aulus  doth  disjoint 

The  process,  and  debates  it  point  by  point ; 

The  cause  at  length's  concluded,  but  not  ended. 

This  made  me  wonder  ! — Aulus  he  pretended 

Decreets  must  not  be  given  out  at  random. 

But  must  abide  a  serious  avizandum. 

Conform  to  course  of  roll.— When  that  will  be 

Indeed  I  cannot  tell,  nor  yet  can  he. 

Thus  Aulus  hath  for  ten  years'  space  extended 
The  plea,  and  further  more  I  have  expended 


26  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Vast  sums,  to  wit,  for  washing,  lodging,  diet. 

Yet  seldom  did  I  rest  or  sleep  in  quiet. 

For  coal,  for  candle,  paper,  pen,  and  ink. 

And  such  like  things,  which  truely  one  would  think 

Were  unsignificant,  but  yet  they  've  come 

In  ten  years'  space  imto  a  pretty  sum. 

To  macers,  turnkeys,  agents,  catchpoles,  pates. 

Servants,  sub-servants,  petty  foggers,  cheats ; 

For  morning-drinks,  four-hours,  half-gills  at  noon. 

To  fit  their  stomach  for  the  fork  and  spoon 

To  which  they  go,  but  I,  poor  man,  raeanwhille 

Slip  quietly  to  th'  Earl  of  Murray's*  aisle. 

We  meet  again  at  two,  then  to  disgeast 

Their  bellyful,  they  '11  have  a  gill  at  least. 

Sometimes  a  double  one,  for  brandy- wine 

Can  only  end  the  war  called  '^  intestine." 

For  mum,  sack,  claret,  white-wine,  purl,  beer,  ale, 

(One  he  would  have  it  new,  another  stale, 

Both  must  be  pleased,)  for  pipes,  tobacco,  snu£f. 

Twist,  coffee,  tea  and  also  greasie  stuff 

Called  chocolet, — punch,  clarified  whey. 

With  other  drinks,  all  which  I  duely  pay. 

For  rolls,  for  nacketts,  roundabouts,  sour  kakes, 

For  Cheshire  cheese,  fresh  butter,  cuckies,  bakes. 

For  paunches,  saucers,  sheep  heads,  chits,  black  pyes. 

Lamb  legs,  lamb  kirnels,  and  lamb  privities, 

Skait,  lobsters,  oysters,  mussels,  wilks,  neats- tongues. 

One  he  for  leeks,  beer,  and  red  herring  longs  ; 

This  must  be  had,  another  doth  prefer 

Raw  herring,  onions,  oil,  spice,  vinegar, — 

Rare  composition ;  and  he's  truly  sorry 

It's  not  in  Colpepper's  Dispensatory  : 

For  apples,  pears,  plumbs,  cherries,  nuts,  green  peas, 

Dulce,  tangles,  purslain,  turneps,  radishes. 

With  forty  other  things  I  have  forgot. 

And  I'm  a  villain  if  I  pay'd  them  not. 

Moreover  my  affairs  at  home  sustain 

Both  the  emergent  loss,  and  cessant  gain  ; 

•  Old  Kirke. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  2*7 

Aulus  himself  terms  this  a  double  loss, 
And  I  call  him  and  it  a  triple  cross. 

By  all  these  means  my  expenses  do  surmount 

Near  ten  times  ten  times  Colin's  first  account. 

And  now  e'er  that  I  wholly  be  bereft 

Of  th'  little  time  and  money  to  me  left, 

I'm  at  the  length  resolved  thus  to  do, 

I'll  shun  my  debtor  and  lawyer  too ; 

And  after  this  I  never  will  give  credit 

Unto  one  word,  if  either  of  them  said  it : 

You  '11  ask  which  of  the  two  I'd  rather  shun, 

Aulus — it's  he,  it's  he  hath  me  undone, 

I've  words  from  both,  yet  sad  experience  tells 

That  Colin  gives,  but  Aulus  dearly  sells. 
TK  unwary  reader  thinks  perhaps  that  I 
Have  penn'd  a  satyre  'gainst  the  Faculty, 
'Gainst  those  rvho  by  their  accurate  debates 
Maintain  our  rights  and  settle  our  estates j 
Who  do  their  very  lungs  with  pleading  spend 
Us  'gainst  oppressors  stifly  to  defend. 
A  gross  mistake  J  for  Til  he  sworn  I  do 
Admire  their  parts  and  their  profession  too; 
I  imsh  that  law  and  lawyers  both  may  thrive, 
And  at  the  height  of  grandeur  so  arrive 
That  in  all  good  men's  eyes  they  may  appear 
hike  bur nisht  gold,  both  beautiful  and  clear, 
That  this  may  he,  (and  'tis  for  this  I  pray), 
Rust  must  be  scour' d  off,  cobwebs  swept  away. 


28  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

IV. 

A  LETTER  FROM  THE  GHOST  OF  SIR  WILLIAM  ANSTRUTHER 
OF  THAT  ILK,  ONCE  SENATOUR  OF  THE  COLLEDGE  OF  JUS- 
TICE, TO  THE  LORDS  OF  SESSION  AND  COMMISSIONERS  OF 
JUSTICIARY. 

From  a  MS.  preserved  in  the  Collections  of  the  indefatigable  Wodrow. 
Lord  Anstruther  was  appointed  a  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Session  1st  Novem- 
ber 1689  :  was  nominated  a  Justiciary  Judge  9th  November  1704,  and  died 
at  his  lodgings  in  Edinburgh,  24th  January  1711.  He  was  the  author  of  a 
work  entituled  "  Essays  Moral  and  Divine." — Edinburgh  1701,  4to. 

My  Lords,  Elysian  Fields^  Tl  J  any-  1711. 

Having  had  the  honour  for  several  years  to  be  one  of  your 
number,  and  being  obliged,  very  much  against  my  will,  to 
leave  soe  good  company  and  society,  I  tho't  it  my  deuty  to 
pay  you  my  respects  by  this,  which  Charon  promised  to  send 
to  the  earth,  by  the  first  messenger  of  death  who  should  be 
ordered  to  the  upper  world. 

Of  late,  it  seems  he  hath  work  enough  upon  his  hands ; 
for,  till  I  arrived,  poor  John  Adams,  our  macer,  gote  not  on 
board,  which  I  indeed  first  imputed  to  his  civility  to  me, 
who,  as  he  was  informed,  was  quickly  to  follow,  not  con- 
sidering that  nobody  works  without  wages,  and  that  none 
are  payed  in  our  worlde.  We  no  sooner  got  on  board,  but 
the  boat  was  ready  to  sink ;  for  John''s  soul  remained  still 
very  ponderous  and  heavy,  and  mine,  you  know,  was  alwise 
terrestrial.  However,  at  last,  with  great  difficulty,  we  reach- 
ed the  happy  shoer ;  and  then,  my  Lords,  and  never  before, 
I  had  a  treu  veu  of  justice,  which  here  soe  impartially  reigns, 
that  your  Lordships,  at  present,  cannot  comprehend  it,  or 
have  any  notions  of  it.  Never  till  now  did  I  see  a  whole 
sett  of  honnest,  knowing,  piouse,  and  just  judges ;  and  it's 
weel  that  such  are  to  be  found  somewhere.  They  are  not 
here  created  by  court  favour,  but  the  most  deserving  and 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  29 

learned  are  always  chosen.  A  profound  silence  is  still 
keept,  and  the  judges  deliver  their  opinion  calmly  and  mo- 
destly. There  is  here  no  barking  and  hauling  amongst  the 
judges,  to  show  their  parts,  and  impudently  to  revile  the 
President  of  the  Court.  There  is  here  noe  delay  of  justice 
— noe  counting  of  noses — noe  sending  home  partys  to  take 
a  pint,  and  'gree  the  matter.  Sentence  is  immediately  given, 
without  acts  before  answer ;  nor  are  there  reclaiming  bills 
upon  bills,  and  the  judges  doe  not  trouble  themselves  with 
many  avisandums  to  themselves.  Here  there  is  not  soe 
much  as  the  knowledge  of  a  noe  process.  Some  criminals 
would  give  a  great  deal  for  such  ane  advice,  to  delay  their 
punishment  for  some  time.  And  sure  I  am  Mr.  John 
Meinzies  of  Cammo*  would  make  a  considerable  fortune  in 
this  place.  Clerks  and  extractors  doe  not  here  unconscionably 
peil  the  leidges  of  exorbitant  deues.  There  is  noe  tearing  of 
leaves  out  of  the  records  or  books  of  adjournall  (which  have 
always  been  counted  sacred)  after  sentence  was  passed  ;  for 
then  our  infernal  judges  think  they  are  officio  functi.  When 
persons  are  really  guilty,  there  is  no  desertion  of  diets — no 
abstracting  of  evidence,  nor  sending  men  out  of  the  way. 
Soe  careful  is  our  Proctor  Fiscal,  that  he  secures  in  prison  all 
the  witnesses  against  the  party  accused,  till  they  find  surety 
to  appear  when  summoned.  In  a  word,  I  was  very  soon 
dismissed,  and  had  a  more  favourable  sentence  then  probably 
I  would  have  got,  had  I  been  more  skilled  in  the  quirks  and 
subtilties  of  law.     In  the  agreeable  aboads,  I  found  only 

•  John  Menzies  of  Coluterallers,  in  the  county  of  Lanark,  acquired  the  estate 
of  Cammo,  in  the  parish  of  Cramond,  and  county  of  Edinburgh,  by  marriage, 
(13th  March  1679),  with  Rachael  Wilkie,  heiress  of  James  Wilkie  of  Cammo. 
His  wife  died  in  1688,  at  the  age  of  37.  Mr.  Menzies  got  involved  in  difficul- 
ties, and  in  1710  sold  Cammo  to  Sir  John  Clerk  of  Pennycuick,  Bart.  It  is 
now  under  the  appellation  of  ♦*  New  Saughton"  the  property  of  Mr.  Watson  of 
Saughton.  Its  former  possessor  was  an  advocate  whose  independent  conduct  had 
rendered  him  peculiarly  obnoxious  to  the  Bench.  See  a  most  amusing  account 
of  a  dispute  between  him  and  Lord  President  Dalrymple  in  the  •'  Anecdotes  of 
the  early  Administration  of  Justice."— P.  17^ 


30  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

two  Lords  of  the  Session,  the  Lord  C[ross]rig,*  and  E. 
L[auder]dale.-|-  I  enquired  for  my  old  friend,  my  Lord 
Wh[ytla]w,J  and  was  told  that  he  was  sentenced  to  have  a 
certain  lady,  one  of  the  furies,  eternally  to  switch  him  with 
rods,  back  and  side  (which  the  English  call  flogging),  and 
to  pay  that  fury  all  the  estate  he  should  ever  purchase  for 
her  pains. § 

I  shall  not  trouble  your  Lordships  with  any  more  at  pre- 
sent, but  only  beg  you  would  order  it  to  be  intimated  to  the 
Faculty  of  Advocates,  that,  in  a  short  time,  I  shall  write 
particularly  to  them.  As  for  my  old  friend  Dr.  Pitc[air]n|| 
and  the  College  of  Physicians,  I  have  no  time  to  write  to 
them  at  present,  or,  if  I  had,  I  would  prove,  to  their  mighty 
surprize,  that  there  is  both  a  God  and  a  Devil,  a  Heaven 
and  a  hell.  Nor  will  I  write  to  the  Divines,  otherwise  I 
would  make  it  appear  that  selfish,  hypocritical  people,  and 


•  Sir  David  Hume  of  Crossrig,  one  of  the  judges,  whose  *'  Diary  of  the  Pro- 
ceedings in  the  Parliament  and  Privy  Council  of  Scotland,  May  21,  1710 — 
March  7,  1707,"  wsls  printed  in  1828  for  (he  members  of  the  Bannatyne  Club, 
by  John  Hope,  Esq.  Dean  of  Faculty. 

f  Brother  of  the  Duke  of  Lauderdale,  to  whose  Earldom  he  succeeded  in 
1683.  He  was  raised  to  the  bench  9th  June  1669,  and  took  the  title  of  Lord 
Halton  or  Hatton.  If  Fountainhall  may  be  believed,  his  claim  to  a  residence  in 
the  *•  agreeable  abodes,"  is  somewhat  questionable,  as  he  was  remarkable  for  his 
insolent  and  disobliging  behaviour.  Haig's  Senators  of  the  College  of  Justice, 
p.  398.     Edin.   1832.     8vo. 

J  Lord  Whytlaw  was  a  younger  son  of  Hamilton  of  Bangor.  He  was  a  lawyer 
of  considerable  ability  but  doubtful  integrity,  for  he  was,  like  his  brethren,  very 
just  **  where  he  had  no  particular  concern,"  but  extremely  partial  where  his 
friend  or  his  own  politicks  interfered."  See  page  18.  He  held  the  situation 
of  Lord  Justice-Clerk  at  the  time  of  his  death  in  December  1704. 

§  His  Lordship  cut  off  his  relations  from  his  succession,  and  left  every  six- 
pence of  his  fortune  to  his  wife, — a  circumstance  that  gave  great  offence  at  the 
time,  and  is  here  alluded  to.     See  also  Scottish  Pasquils,  Vol.  I.  p.  72. 

II  The  witty  Doctor  Pitcairn,  whose  religious  opinions  were  supposed  not  to 
be  very  orthodox.  He  prosecuted  Dr.  Webster  for  calling  him  an  atheist.  Pit- 
cairn had  been  at  a  book  sale,  where  Philostratus  had  brought  a  large  price.  A 
copy  of  the  Holy  Scriptures  was  afterwards  put  up,  but  no  person  would  buy  it. 
Some  one  observed  it  was  very  wonderful  that  so  exceptionable  a  work  as  Philo- 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  31 

those  who  are  inclined  to  strife,  desolation,  and  persecution, 
are  never  admitted  to  these  happy  aboads.     I  am, 
My  Lords, 
Your  Lordships'*  most  humble  and 
obedient  servant, 

William  Anstruthbb. 


V. 


SONGS  IN  THE  JUSTICIARY  OPERA. 

Reprinted  from  the  edition  privately  printed  by  the  late  Sir  Alexander  Boswell, 
Bart.  Auchinleck,  1814,  4to.  In  the  preface  to  this  rare  volume,  it  is  re- 
marked, that  the  "  Songs  of  the  Justiciary  Opera  were  the  light  pastime  of  men 
who  made  no  contemptible  figure  in  grave  pursuits.  We  know  not  if  any  of 
them  were  ever  committed  to  writing :  many  are  lost  and  forgotten,  and  those 
that  are  here  preserved,  are  given  from  memory."  We  believe  that  Lord 
Dreghorn  and  James  Boswell  were  amongst  the  principal  contributors.  The 
Songs  marked  with  an  asterisk,  are  interpolations  by  Sir  Alexander  Boswell. 


DRAMATIS  PERSONiE. 

Caliendrosus  Maximus,   Grand  Clerk  of  the  Scales  and 

Chopping  Knife,  and  Commander  of  the  Forces. 
Hystrix,  Clerk  of  the  Rounds. 
BoMBYx,  a  very  great  Officer. 
John  Black,  the  Pannel. 
Bamboozle, 
Flaw-Finder, 


!■   Oraters  for  the  Pannel. 


stratus  should  be  so  eagerly  bought  up,  while  no  one  would  even  bid  for  the 
Bible.  "  Not  at  all,"  said  Pitcairn  ;  "  for  is  it  not  written,  Verbum  dei  manet 
in  seternum?"  This  witticism  reaching  Webster,  was  the  immediate  cause  of 
the  epithet  above  mentioned  being  applied.  There  was  no  foundation  for  the 
charge ;  but  Pitcairn  spoke  freely — could  not  resist  a  joke — disliked  and  libelled 
Presbyterians — and  was  an  Episcopalian, — hinc  illce  lachrymm. 


32  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Peppertail,  the  Horse-Couper, 
Bizz,  the  Blacksmith, 

Peter  Brown,  the  Exciseman,        [>  Witnesses. 
Mathew  Mutchkin, 
Widow  Mackleerie, 
Waiter. 
Judges,  Jurymen,  Sheriffs,  Baillies,  Serjeants,  Mob,  &c.  &c. 


SCENE.— J^  Inn. 

Caliendrosus  Maximus,  et  Hystrix. 
Duet. — Air. — Saw  ye  my  father  ? 

Cal. — Saw  ye  my  Trumpeter  ?  j 

Or  saw  ye  my  Macer  ?  .  1 

Or  saw  ye  my  man  John  >  \ 

Hyst — I  have  not  seen  your  Trumpeter  ;  j 

I  have  not  seen  your  Macer ; 
And  drunk  is  your  man  John ! 

(Martial  Music.) 

Enter  a  Waiter. 


*  Air. — Hey  Jenny  come  down  to  Jock. 

Waiter. — The  Baillies  are  waitin, — the  Provost  is  come, — 
Twal  permanent  Serjeants,  a  fife  and  a  drum  ; 
TwaSherras,  wi'  swords,  (but  they're  peaceable  men;) 
And  some  twa  three  mair, — and  the  clock's  chappit 
ten. 

A  Grand  Procession. 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  33 

SCENE.— ^  Hall. 

Enter   Caliendrosus   Maximus,   Bombyx^    Hystrix,   Bam- 
boozle, Flaw-Finder,  Macbr,  Jurymen,  Mob,  &c. 

*  Air. — Ft/e  let  us  a'  to  the  weddin. 

Hyst. — Ge — en — tlemen  o'  the  Jury, 

Ye'U  answer  until  a'  your  names. — 
Walter  Balwhid  o'  Pitlurie. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Mathew  Powloosie  o'  Karnes. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Duncan  Macwhey  o'  Todwiddock. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Jacob  Bafour  o'  Howbrig. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — John  Macindo  o'  Glenpuddock. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — ^Hew  Gib  in  Bog  o'  Daljig. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Patrick  Macrone  o'  Craig-gubble. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst.— George  Yellowlees  in  Cowshaw. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Ralph  Mucklehose  in  Blindrubble. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Robert  Macmurdock  in  Raw. 
Jury  m. — Here. 

Hyst. — Andrew  Mackissock  in  Shalloch. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Ingram  Maclure  in  Benbole. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Gilbert  Strathdee  in  Drummalloch. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Gabriel  Tam  in  Dirthole. 
Jurym. — Here. 

3 


34  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Hyst. — Lowrie  Macwill  o'  Powmuddle. 

Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Daniel  Losh  o'  Benskair. 

Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — John  Stoupie,  writer,  Kirkfuddle. 

Jurym . — Here. 

Hyst. — Baillie  Bole,  shoemaker  there. 

Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst. — Samuel  Macguire  in  Craig-gullion. 

If  present,  Sir,  answer  your  name. 
Jurym. — Here. 

Hyst — Quintin  Maccosh  in  Knockdullion. 
Jurym. — Here. 
Hyst. — Gal-lery — si-lence — Ahem  ! 

^  If:  ^  it  ^ 

*  *  *  «  * 

*  *  *  ♦  » 

*AiR. — In  the  Garb  of  Old  Gaul. 

jifacer.— Hem ! — Si-lence. 

Cal. — Officer,  bring  John  Black  to  the  bar. 

(The  Pannel  is  brought  in  guarded,*  and  Petitions  for 
Banishment.) 

Air. — The  Lee  Rig, 
Pannel. — O  send  me  cure  the  lang  seas^ 
My  ain  kind  lordie  O  ; 

•  Alas  I  I  cannot  insert  this  word,  without  feelings  of  the  most  painful 
nature  !  The  Town-Guard  of  Auld  Reekie  is  now  no  more !  and  a  gentleman, 
tried  before  the  High  Court  of  Justiciary,  must  submit  to  the  indignity  of  sit- 
ting between  two  non-descripts  called  policemen,  who  sport  glazed  hats,  and 
handle  no  better  weapons  than  batons.  How  different  was  it  in  days  of  yore? — 
How  dignified  was  the  cocked  hat  of  the  gray-haired  veteran  !  How  imposing 
his  queue.  How  awful  his  Lochaber-axe  !  But  this  is  the  age  of  innovation  and 
reform ;  and  a  man  will,  ere  long,  not  even  be  hanged,  with  common  decency.  I 
wonder  the  illustrious  Hume  has  not,  ere  now,  pointed  out  to  the  reformed  House 
of  Commons,  the  absurdity  of  the  Country  being  at  tne  cost  of  a  new  rope  for  each 
new  culprit,  when  one  good  one  might  suffice  for  a  score  ! — Printer's  Devil. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  35 

O  send  me  oure  the  lang  seas. 
My  ain  kind  lordie  O. 

O  send  me  east,  or  send  me  wast. 
Or  send  me  south  or  nordie,  O ; 
But  send  me  owre  the  lang  seas. 
My  ain  kind  lordie  O. 

*  Air. — Lass  gin  ye  lo'e  me  tell  me  now. 

CaL — Pannelj  a  halter  must  be  your  end. 

The  fiend,  at  your  skirts,  has  now  his  prong ; 
Your  days,  that  are  numbered,  in  penitence  spend ; 
But  I'll  lecture  you,  presently,  half  an  hour  long. 

Mercy  were  folly,  if  lavished  on  him ; 
Robbing  and  thieving,  the  gallows  shall  check ; 
Our  duty  is  plain,  we'll  proceed  to  condemn, — 
John you  shall  presently  hang  by  the  neck. 

Air. —  We're  gayly  yet, 

Pannel — We're  no  guilty  yet. 
We're  no  guilty  yet. 
Although  we're  accused. 
We're  no  guilty  yet. 

Afore  ye  condemn. 
Ye  man  hear  us  a  bit. 
For  although  we're  accus'd 
We're  no  guilty  yet. 
(Jury  are  chosen,  and  the  Indictment  read.) 

*  Air. — Grimaldi's  Jig  in  Mother  Goose, 

Hyst. — Whereas  by  the  laws  o'  this  realm. 
And  o'  ev'ry  well  governed  land. 
To  seize  on  anither  man's  geer, 
(As  the  tangs  ance  a  Highlaudman  fand.) 


36  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

And  whether  the  thief  he  be  caught 
In  the  fact,  or  be  gruppit  out-fang, 
The  law  says  expressly,  and  wisely. 
That  chiel  by  the  thrapple  shall  hang. 


And  you  John  Black,  there,  the  pannel. 
Ye  robbit,  assaulted,  and  a' 
And  sae,  gang  till  an  assize.  Sir, 
And  underlie  pains  o'  the  law.* 


*  Air. —  Miss  Macleod's  Reel. 


BOMBYX. 

Painfull  the  duty  is,  which  I  must  now  perform, 
Stating  a  train  of  guilt  uncommon  and  enorm, — 
Ous, — calling  my  witnesses  to  make  the  fact  out  plain. 
And  if  your  verdict's  guilty,  my  labour's  not  in  vain. 

Gentlemen,  your  feelings  must,  with  justice  never  jar. 
The  statutes  of  the  land  condemn  the  pris'ner  at  the  bar ; 
The  law  most  clearly  indicates  the  gallows,  as  reward. 
For  culprits  such  as  him  between  the  soldiers  of  the  guard. 

John  Black  met  Peter  Brown,  upon  the  King's  highway. 
With  foul  intent  to  rob, — I  fear  intent  to  slay ; 
John  Black,  the  pannel,  did  step  up  to  Peter  Brown, 
And  with  his  fist,  or  bludgeon,  did  knock  said  Peter  down. 

Ferocious,  atrocious,  felonious  also, 

Did  then  and  there,  with  that  or  this,  reiterate  the  blow ; 

Then  seized  Peter  by  the  throat,  to  suffocate  his  cries. 

And  most  outrageously  exclaim'd,  ''  Your  money,  d your 

eyes." 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  37 

Enter  Peter  Brown. 

*  Air. — The  bonniest  lass  in  a'  the  warld. 

Peter. — The  pannel's  a  regardless  loon. 

And  brags  that  he  defies  man ; 
And  bauldly  threepit  through  the  town 
He'd  do  for  the  exciseman. 

I  thought  'twas  nought  but  silly  clash. 
That  sneevlin'  gowks  wad  tell  me  ; 

Quo'  I,  my  thum  I  wanna  fash. 
It's  no  siclike  can  fell  me. 

Four  cadgers  rade  through  Halk- wood- stack, 

I  doubted  Jean  Macleerie ; 
I  took  the  road,  when  up  cam  Black, 

And  dang  me  tapsalteerie. 

He  rypit,  maybe,  for  his  knife, 

I  thought  I  saw  it  glancin'. 
He  took  the  rue,  and  sav'd  my  life. 

Syne,  like  a  de'il,  gaed  dancin*. 

Enter  Peppertail. 

Air. — Braw  lads  o'  Galla  Water.' 

Pepper. — Comin'  frae  the  toun  o'  Straiven, 

On  my  poor  mare  that  had  the  spavin, 
I  met  the  pannel  near  the  Kirk  o'  Shotts, 
Like  ony  madman  he  was  raivin. 

Black  his  hair,  and  blue  his  coat, — 
Tightly  he  did  the  ganger  han'le. 

The  mair  he  shuck  the  fallow  by  the  throat. 
The  steadier  still  I  e'ed  the  pannel. 


38  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Enter  Mathew  Mutchkin. 
*  Air — Colder  Fair. 

Mat. — As  I  cam  hame  frae  Ruglin  fair. 
At  e'en,  whan  it  was  dusky, 
I  had  enough — and  may-be  mair, 
A  drap  oure  muckle  whisky. 

I  saw  twa  fallows  yoke  thegither, 
Wha  they  war,  the  taen  or  tither, 

I  ken  na  mair  nor  Abram's  mither, 
I  was  blin'  wi'  whisky. 

Enter  Bizz. 

*  Air — Will  ye  gang  and  marry  Katy  ? 

Bombyx. — Pray,  What  is  your  name,  friend  ?  tell  us. 
Bizz. — Tammas  Bizz. — I've  blawn  the  bellows^ 
And  I've  clinkit  on  the  studdy 
Sin'  a  wean,  knee-heigh  and  duddy. 

And  the  ganger,  weel  I  ken. 
Aft  he  stammers  butt  and  ben, 
Snowkin  a'  frae  end  to  end. 
He's  mislear'd  and  capernoited. 

9 

And  I  ken  Jock  Black  fou  weel, 
A  sturdy  hand  at  our  fore-hammer ; 
Bess,  his  wife,  flytes  at  the  chiel. 
But  weel  a  wat  I  do  condenm  her. 

Wark,  ye  ken  yersels,  brings  drouth, 
Wha  can  thole  a  gaizen'd  mouth  ? 
And  gif  he  tak  a  gill,  forsooth 
Queans  maun  flyte,  and  fools  man  clatter. 


\ 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  39 

Jock;,  I  ken's  an  honest  lad, 

Thievish  pranks  was  ne'er  his  custom  ; 

Tho'  he  be  sae  sair  misca'd^, 

Wi'  gowd  in  gowpins  ye  may  trust  him. 

I  hae  kent  him  sin'  a  bairn^ 
A  penny  willing  aye  to  earn ; 
And  tho'  he's  coupit  i'  the  shearn. 
Troth  I  ken  nought  ill  about  him. 


Enter  Widow  Maclebrie. 

*  Air. — /  hae  a  wife  o'  my  ain. 

Widow  Mac. — I  hae  a  house  o'  my  ain, 
On  the  road  to  Hamilton ; 
Whiskey  I  sell,  to  be  plain, 
Arran  Water,  or  Campbelton, 

Peter,  the  ganger,  himsel'. 
Whiles  comes  pipple  papple  in, 
Fusion,  frae  ony  big  stell. 
He'll  no  pit  his  thrapple  in. 

Widow  Macleerie's  my  name. 
Mine's  a  tippeny  eatin  house ; 
Carriers  find  a  warm  hame^ 
Mine's  niest  door  to  the  meetin-house. 

As  for  the  pannel  John  Black, 
I'm  wae  to  see  him  here  awa. 
He  never  wrang'd  me  ae  plack, 
Gude  send  he  won  clear  awa ! 

{The  Or  alms  for  the  Pannel  pleads.) 


40  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLANb. 


Air — DeU  tak  the  wars. 

Bamboozle. 

Fye  on  the  laws  that  hang  a  man  for  stealing. 
Sure  such  penal  statutes  were  savagely  fram'd 
By  legislators  devoid  of  human  feeling. 
Before  divine  religion  mankind  had  tam'd. 
Gentlemen,  'tis  yours,  with  vigour. 
To  check  the  laws  excessive  rigour ; 
*Yours  is  the  power,  to  you  the  choice  is  given, 
A  father — husband — bends ; 
On  you  his  fate  depends  : 
'Tis  yours  to  take  or  give^ 
To  bid  him  die — or  live ! 
Then  here  that  mercy  show,  you  hope  from  heaven. 

}^x&. *     ***** 

Flaw-Finder. 

Gentlemen,  now  'tis  my  turn  to  address  you. 
And  with  much  speaking  I  need  not  oppress  you  ; 
The  proof  lies  before  you,  in  writing  down  taken. 
All  I  do  wish  is  to  save  this  man's  bacon. 

But  as  it  is  usual,  some  few  things  to  mention, 
I  say,  that  to  steal,  it  was  not  his  intention ; 
So  be  not,  I  pray,  like  the  Lords,  in  a  fury. 
But  bring  this  man  oflF,  like  a  sensible  jury. 

(Charge  to  the  Jury.) 

*Aiii. — Merrily  Dance  the  Quaker. 

Cat. — If  ever  a  case  before  me  came. 
That  I  could  judge  most  clearly. 
This  is  a  case,  I'll  boldly  name, 
I've  scrutiniz'd  it  nearly. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  41 

To  trace  the  truth  through  all  its  track. 
No  witch  requires,  or  jugglers  ; 
The  witnesses  are  all  a  pack 
Of  drunkards  and  of  smugglers. 

The  counsel  for  the  Crown,  with  skill. 
Extorted  facts  most  glaring ; 
Black,  when  prim'd,  by  stoup  and  gill. 
You  see,  became  most  daring. 

That  Black  put  Brown  in  mortal  fear. 
The  proof  is  clear, — clarissima  ; 
And  that  he  rob'd,  tho'  not  quite  clear, 
Presumptio  estfortissima. 

Gentlemen,  'tis  my  desire 
To  state  the  case  precisely  ; 
'Tis  you  to  judge,  so  now  retire. 
And  weigh  your  verdict  wisely. 

The  proof  is  strong,  a  verdict  bring, 
Such  honest  men  becoming ; 
I  need  not  say  one  other  thing, 
And  so  I  end  my  summing. 

(Jury  are  enclosed.) 

LowRiE  Macwill  o'  Powmuddle,  Chancellor. 
John  Stoupie,  Clerk. 


*AiR. — Ally  Croaker. 

Powmuddle^ — In  this  case  there's  nae  argument, 
Nae  minor  and  nae  major ; 
A  chield  had  taen  a  glass,  and  had 
A  towzle  wi'  a  gauger. 


42  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

That  there's  nae  proof  o'  robbery. 
To  see,  I  think,  ye  canna  miss ; 
Sae  we  the  pannel  man  acquit, — 
No  guilty.  Sirs, — Unanimous. 

B^i  Chorus  by  I  unanimous,  Unanimous, 
J^ive  Jurymen,    J  ' 

Double  Chorus  by  \  u„^i^ous.  Unanimous, 

Ten  Jurymen,  j  ' 

Grand  Chorus  by  \  Sae  we  the  pannel  man  acquit, 

the  whole  Fifteen,  j  No  guilty.  Sirs, — Unanimous. 

CThe  Verdict  is  returned,  Caliendrosus  Maximus  reads — in  a 
passion.) 

Air. — Up  and  Down  Frisky,  and  fire  away  Pat. 
Caliendrosus, — 

A  plague  o'  such  juries,  they  make  such  a  pother. 
And  thus,  by  their  folly,  let  pannels  go  free. 
And  still  on  some  silly  pretext  or  another. 
Nothing  is  left  for  your  Lordships  and  me. 

Our  duty,  believe  us. 

Was  not  quite  so  grievous. 

While  yet  we  had  hopes  for  to  hang  'em  up  all ; 

But  now  they're  acquitted, 

O  how  we're  out-witted. 

We've  sat  eighteen  hours  here  for  nothing  at  all. 

(Chorus  hy  the  whole  Bench.) 

Tol  de  rol,  lol  de  rol,  lol  de  rol,  lol  de  rol, 

Tol  de  rol,  lol  de  rol,  lol  de  rol,  tol  de  rol. 

But  now  they're  acquitted,  &c. 

(Mob  without  Huzza.) 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  43 

VI. 
THE  JUSTICIARY  GARLAND. 

This  is  said  to  be  the  joint  composition  of  Robert  Cullen,  Esq.  afterwards  Lord 
Cullen,  Colin  Maclaurin,  Esq.  afterwards  Lord  Dreghorn,  James  Sinclair,  Esq. 
afterwards  a  Principal  Clerk  of  Session,  and  James  Boswell,  Esq.  the  Biogra- 
pher of  Johnson. 


I 


1. — Tacking  the  Jury.* 

First  pray  rise  up  Black  of  Greenmoiintain, 

We  ken  you  are  not  yet  a  Peer ; 
Since  last  you  condemn'd  the  sheep-stealer. 

We're  ay  glad  to  see  your  face  here. 
Then  pray  stand  up  Deacon  John  Webster, 

The  pride  and  support  of  the  church  ; 
Since  last  you  commenced  politician. 

You'll  no  leave  your  friends  in  the  lurch. 

2. — Pleading  on  the  Relevancy. 

Tho'  the  pannel  does  not  wish  the  truth  to  disguise. 

Yet  he  pleads,  that  he  ought  not  to  thole  an  assize. 

For  in  his  indictment  there  is  such  a  flaw,  ' 

That  your  Lordships  from  it  no  conclusion  can  draw ; 

For  no  relevant  charge  does  the  major  contain ; 

Nor  the  minor  the  fact  which  it  founds  on  explain. 

Thus  the  libel  appears  quite  informal  in  law. 

And  your  Lordships  from  it  no  conclusion  can  draw. 

•  It  is,  perhaps,  hardly  necessary  to  observe,  that  until  Mr.  Kennedy's  act, 
by  which  the  jurymen  were  ballotted  for,  they  were  selected  by  the  pre- 
siding Judge  from  the  list  of  assize  before  him,  subjoined  to  the  indictment. 
It  was  said,  during  the  time  the  Judges  had  the  nomination,  that  those  indivi- 
duals were  uniformly  sworn  in  who  had  previously  been  upon  juries  that  had  re- 
turned verdicts  for  the  Crown  ; — hence,  in  reference  to  this  popular  belief,  the 
authors  make  the  Judge  compliment  Black  of  Greenmountain  for  his  conviction 
of  the  sheep-stealer,  and  to  assign  this  as  the  reason  why  his  Lordship  was 
"  ay  glad  to  see"  his  **  face"  on  an  assize. 


44  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

3. — Answer. 

Then  who  would  now  go  study  law^  municipal  or  civil. 
To  snuff-shops  let  the  Corpus  go,  and  Erskine  to  the  devil ; 
No  proposition  is  so  plain  that  Crosbie  won't  dispute  it. 
His  arguments  I  so  disdain,  'tis  lost  time  to  refute  it. 

The  Judge  examining  a  Witness. 

Come  up  to  the  table,  and  look  in  my  face. 

Remember  you  are  upon  oath.  Sir  ; 
If  you  alter  one  iota^  time,  person,  or  place, 

I'll  whip  and  imprison  you  both.  Sir. 

Chorum  by  the  whole  Court — Tall  de  rail,  &c. 

4. —  The  Pannel's  Defence. 

I'm  not  guilty  yet,  I'm  not  guilty  yet. 
Although  I'm  accused,  I'm  not  guilty  yet ; 
Before  you  condemn,  ye  maun  hear  a  bit, 
Although  I'm  accused,  I'm  not  guilty  yet. 

5. — Address  to  the  Jury, 

Gentlemen,  'tis  my  turn  to  address  you. 
And  with  much  speaking  I'll  not  oppress  you ; 
The  proof  lies  before  you,  in  writing  down  taken. 
Therefore,  I  hope,  you  will  spare  this  man's  bacon. 
But  as  it  is  usual  a  few  things  to  mention. 
To  steal,  I  believe,  he  had  no  intention ; 
Therefore  be  not,  like  the  Lords,  in  a  fury. 
But  bring  him  off  like  a  sensible  Jury. 

6. — Petition  for  Banishment  to  the  Court. 

O  send  me  o'er  the  wide  seas,  my  ain  kind  Lordies,  O, 

To  Sidney-Cove,  or  where  you  please,  my  ain  kind  Lordies,  O  j 

For  gang  this  trial  as  it  will,  my  ain  kind  Lordies,  O, 

In  Scotland  I  can  fare  but  ill,  my  ain  kind  Lordies,  O. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  45 

7- — Intended  last  Speech. 

Ye  now  assembled,,  here  attend. 
To  witness  my  untimely  end. 
And  ear  not  unpropitious  lend. 

To  an  old  soldier's  story. 
Last  war  when  every  hostile  shore. 
Did  with  the  British  thunder  roar, 
I  in  successful  battle  bore 

A  share  that  gain'd  me  glory. 

The  French  of  India,  east  and  west. 
Were  by  our  leaders  dispossess'd. 
And  all  their  Admirals  confess'd. 

That  they  were  beaten  fairly. 
But  now*  the  difference  sure  is  great. 
We  hardly  meet  the  Gallic  fleet. 
From  Yankies  our  best  troops  retreat. 

And  with  a  Congress  parley. 

Though  by  severity  misled. 

Both  King  and  Court  would  have  me  dead ; 

The  blood  I  for  my  country  shed. 

Will  yet  be  my  salvation  : 
I  die  in  hopes  I'll  soon  be  where, 
Great  Wolfe  enjoys  the  starry  sphere  ; 
And  looking  downwards,  sheds  a  tear. 

To  see  the  alteration. 

Petition  to  the  King. 
I  am  a  chief  of  the  M^Craws, 
Knew  nothing  of  your  Lowland  laws, 
Which  of  my  stealing  was  the  cause. 
But  I'll  not  steal  again.  Sir. 
O  let  me  aff  this  ae  time. 
This  ae  time,  this  ae  time, 
O  let  me  aff  this  ae  time, 
I'll  never  steal  again.  Sir. 

*  In  the  year  1778. 


46  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

A  fencible  I'll  guard  at  home. 
Or  on  the  seas  a  sailor  roam. 
Even  common  soldier  I'll  become. 
Or  what  else  you  incline.  Sir. 

O  let  me  aflf  this  ae  time,  &c.* 

•  The  Justiciary  Garland  was  for  the  first  time  printed  by  the  late  Dr  Duncan 
in  a  collection  of  macaronic  poems ;  from  what  quarter  he  procured  it  has  not 
been  ascertained, — perhaps  from  the  recitation  of  some  of  the  parties  concerned  in 
the  authorship  ;  it  has  the  appearance  of  being  incomplete,  from  being  deficient 
in  the  verdict  and  sentence.  It  is  very  probable  that  the  presiding  judge  is  meant 
for  Lord  Kames,  who  was  very  fond,  it  is  said,  of  procuring  convictions ;  see 
page  48.  His  Lordship  at  times  did  say  odd  things  on  the  bench,  as  the 
following  anecdote  sufficiently  indicates.  Being  on  the  circuit  at  Perth,  after  a 
witness  on  a  capital  trial  had  concluded  his  testimony,  his  Lordship  said,  "  Sir, 
**  I  have  one  question  more  to  ask  you,  and  remember  you  are  on  your  oath. 
**  You  say  you  are  from  Brechin  ?" — "  Yes,  my  Lord." — *•  When  do  you  return 
"  thither?" — *'  To-morrow,  my  Lord." — '*  Do  you  know  Colin  Gillies?" — 
**  Yes,  my  Lord,  I  know  him  very  well." — *'  Then  tell  him  I  shall  breakfast 
*'  with  him  on  Tuesday  morning." 

Mr.  Gillies  was  an  elder  brother  of  Dr.  Thomas  Gillies  of  Balmakewan,  the 
father  of  R.  P.  Gillies,  Esq.  advocate,  who  is  well  known  for  his  translations 
from  the  German,  and  as  author  of  an  interesting  volume  of  Reminiscences  of  his 
friend  Sir  Walter  Scott,  which  originally  appeared  in  detached  portions  in 
Eraser's  Magazine. 

His  elder  brother  was  John  Gillies,  L.L.D.  the  historian  of  Greece,  and 
Royal  Historiographer  for  Scotland.  His  youngest  brother  is  Adam  Gillies, 
Lord  Gillies,  a  distinguished  ornament  of  the  Scotish  Bench. 

Mr.  Colin  Gillies,  who  was  a  leading  man  in  Brechin,  was  celebrated  for  his 
kindness  and  hospitality — he  died  several  years  since  at  a  good  old  age,  and 
although  latterly  infirm,  he  retained  his  spirits  to  the  last,  so  much  so,  that  when 
in  company  with  his  friends,  he  would,  over  his  cheerful  glass,  recur  to  olden  ■ 
times,  and  gratify  his  auditors  with  many  curious  reminiscenses  and  anecdotes 
of  the  past. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  4? 

VII. 
THE  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

This  jeu  d'esprit  was  chiefly  written  by  James  Boswell,  although  Lord  Dreghorn 
is  supposed  to  have  had  a  hand  in  the  composition  of  it.  His  Lordship,  says 
Chambers,  "  was  extremely  fond  of  the  poem,  and  used  to  sing  it  frequently  in 
the  slow  drawling  naif  style  which  added  so  much  to  its  value  in  the  estima- 
tion of  a  last  century  hearer."* 

Part  First, 

Tune. — Logan  Water. 

1 

The  Bill  charged  on  was  payable  at  sight 
And  decree  was  craved  by  Alexander  Wight  jf 
But_,  because  it  bore  a  penalty  in  case  of  tailzie 
It  therefore  was  null,  contended  Willie  Baillie.  J 

2 

The  Ordinary  not  chusing  to  judge  it  at  random 
Did  with  the  minutes  make  avizandum. 
And  as  the  pleadings  were  vague  and  windy 
His  Lordship  ordered  memorials  hinc  inde. 


We  setting  a  stout  heart  to  a  stay  brae 
Took  into  the  cause  Mr.  David  Rae  :§ 

*  Traditions  of  Edinburgh,  vol.  II.  p.  158. 

•f  Wight. — Alexander  Wight,  Esquire,  an  eminent  barrister  of  the  period, 
and  author  of  a  learned  treatise  on  the  election  law.  A  work  which,  although 
almost  professionally  useless  since  the  passing  of  the  Reform  Bill,  is  still  valuable 
for  its  historical  information,  and  amusing  from  its  detail  of  political  squabbles. 

X  Baillie William    Baillie,    afterwards   Lord   Polkemmet,   an   indifferent 

counsel,  and  still  more  indifferent  judge. 

§  Rae. — David,  afterwards  Lord  Eskgrove,  and  Lord  Justice-Clerk.  He  was 
subsequently  made  a  Baronet.  He  was  the  son  of  a  nonjuring  clergyman,  and 
father  of  the  Right  Honourable  Sir  William  Rae,  Bart.  M.  P.  for  the  county  of 
Bute,  and  many  years  Lord  Advocate  of  Scotland. 


48  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Lord  Auchinleck*  however  repelled  our  defence, 
And  over  and  above  decerned  for  expence. 


However,  of  our  cause  not  being  asham'dj 
Unto  the  whole  Lords  we  straightway  reclaim'd  ; 
And  our  petition  was  appointed  to  be  seen. 
Because  it  was  drawn  by  Robie  McQueen,  t 


The  answer  by  LockhartJ  himself  it  was  wrote. 
And  in  it  no  argument  or  fact  was  forgot ; 
He  is  the  lawyer  that  from  no  clause  will  flinch. 
And  on  this  occasion  divided  the  bench. 

6 

Alemoor§  the  judgment  as  illegal  blames, 

'Tis  equity,  you  bitch,  replies  my  Lord  Karnes  ;|| 

•  Auchinleck. — Boswell's  father,  a  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Session. 

f  M' Queen. — Better  known  afterwards  as  Lord  Braxfield. 

J  Lockhart Alexander  Lockhart,    Lord  Covington,   a   very  distinguished 

lawyer. 

§  Alemoor — Thomas  Pringle  called  to  the  bench  in  1759, — died  1776. 

II  Kames Lord  Karnes's  use  of  the  epithet  mentioned  in  the  text  was  noto- 
rious ;  whether  in  his  own  house,  in  the  house  of  a  friend,  or  on  the  bench,  it 
was  always  slipping  out.  Once  when  on  the  circuit,  his  Lordship  had  been 
dozing  on  the  bench,  a  noise  created  by  the  entrance  of  a  new  pannel,  woke 
him,  and  he  enquired  what  the  matter  was,  Oh  !  its  a  woman,  my  Lord,  accused 

of  child  murder, — '*  and  a  weel  farredb h  too,"  muttered  his  Lordship,  loud 

enough  to  be  heard  by  those  present.  Kames  had  a  great  taste  for  convictions, 
and  it  was  alleged,  used  every  effort  to  procure  them.  Once  he  had  the  satisfac- 
tion of  convicting  and  sentencing  two  unfortunate  wretches  to  be  hanged.  At 
the  Circuit  dinner  he  was  in  capital  spirits,  boasting,  **  he  had  killed  two  birds 
that  day." 

His  Lordship  was  sometimes  addicted  to  what  is  in  modern  parlance  termed 
quizzing  ;  and  being  in  Perth  upon  the  Circuit,  he  was  one  day  walking  across 
the  bridge,  where  a  toll-bar  had  just  been  put  up,  and  met  Hamilton  the  Pro- 
fessor of  Mathematics  at  Aberdeen,  (uncle  of  the  well-known  Bishop  Horsley), 
who  was  a  very  stupid  looking  man ;  his  Lordship  not  knowing  him,  thought 
this  a  capital  chance  for  a  banter.  He  stopped  him  and  asked,  *•  pray  my  good 
man,  what  would  be  the  toll  for  a  carriage  and  six  ?  The  Professor  told  him. 
Next  he  enquired  what  the  toll  for  a  carriage  and  four  ?    Next  what  was  the  toll 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  48* 

This  cause,  cries  Hailes,*  to  judge  I  can't  pretend. 
For  justice,  I  see,  wants  an  e  at  the  end. 

7 
Lord  Coalstont  expressed  his  doubts  and  his  fears. 
And  StrichenJ  then  in  his  weel  weels  and  O  dears  ; 
This  cause  much  resembles  that  of  M'Harg, 
And  should  go  the  same  way  says  Lordy  Barjarg.f 

8 

Let  me  tell  you  my  Lords  this  cause  is  no  joke ; 
Says  with  a  horse  laugh  my  Lord  Elliock,|| 

for  a  horse  ?  All  which  queries  were  politely  and  separately  answered.  "  Now 
Sir,  pray  what  may  be  the  toll  for  an  ass  ?"  *'  If  your  Lordship  will  take  the 
trouble  of  passing  thro'  the  toll,  the  keeper  will  inform  you."  Saying  so,  the 
Professor  made  a  low  bow  and  walked  away,  leaving  the  learned  Lord  far  from 
comfortable.  As,  however,  Kames  relished  a  good  thing,  he  took  occasion 
after  dinner  to  tell  the  story,  praising  the  wit  of  the  supposed  idiot,  when  some 
one  asked  for  a  description  of  this  clever  fool,  and  having  got  it,  he  astonished 
the  judge  by  telling  him  that  this  imagined  natural  was  one  of  the  cleverest 
men  in  Scotland,  and  the  then  Professor  of  Mathematics  in  the  University  of 
Aberdeen.  His  Lordship  immediately  expressed  a  wish  to  be  introduced,  and 
subsequently  he  and  the  Professor  became  very  intimate. 

*  Hailes Sir  David  Dalrymple,  Bart,  one  of  the  most  upright  and  accom- 
plished Judges  that  ever  sat  on  the  Scotish  Bench.  The  annals  of  Scotland  for 
the  first  time  placed  the  early  history  of  his  native  country  on  something  like  a 
solid  foundation.  He  was  remarkably  critical  and  very  severe  on  any  omission 
or  verbal  inaccuracies  in  the  papers  before  him. 

f  Coalston. George  Brown  of  Coalston,  in  the  county  of  Haddington,  ap- 
pointed a  Judge,  1756,— died  1776.  The  Earl  of  Dalhousie,  by  the  recent  de- 
mise of  his  mother,  is  now  in  possession  of  the  estate  of  Coalston,  which  she  in- 
herited from  her  father  the  Judge. 

%  Strichen Alexander  Eraser  of  Strichen,  raised  to  the  Bench  5th  June 

1730,  and  appointed  a  Lord  of  Justiciary  1736.  His  Lordship  married  Ann, 
Countess  of  Bute,  in  1731,  and  by  his  Lady  had  one  son,  Alexander,  whose 
grandson,  Thomas  Alexander,  ultimately  succeeded  by  a  destination  in  the 
entail,  to  the  Lovat  estates,  and  was,  in  1837,  created  a  British  Peer  by  the  title 
of  Lord  Lovat.     Lord  Strichen  died  15th  February  1775. 

§  Barjarg James  Erskine,  who  subsequently  changed  his  title,  as  a  Lord  of 

Session,  to  Alva, — he  was  very  diminutive  in  stature.     He  died  in  1796. 

II  EUiock James  Veitch,  made  a  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Session  in  1761. 

He  died  in  1793.  He  owed  his  elevation  to  the  Bench  more  to  his  political  in- 
fluence than  to  his  legal  talents. 

3* 


49*  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

To  have  read  all  the  papers  I  pretend  not  to  brag. 
Says  my  Lord  Gardenstone*  with  a  snuflF  and  a  wag. 

9 

Up  rose  the  Presidentt  and  an  angry  man  was  he. 
To  alter  this  judgement  I  never  can  agree ; 
The  east  wing  said  yes,  and  the  west  wing  cried  not. 
And  it  carried  adhere  by  my  Lord's  casting  vote. 

10 

This  cause  being  somewhat  knotty  and  perplext. 

Their  Lordships  not  knowing  how  they'd  determine  next ; 

And  as  the  session  was  to  rise  so  soon. 

They  superseded  extract  till  the  ]  2th  of  June. 

Part  Second. 


Having  lost  it,  so  now  we  prepare  for  the  summer. 
And  on  the  12th  of  June  presented  a  reclaimer ; 
But  dreading  a  refuse,  we  gave  DundasJ  a  fee. 
And  though  it  run  nigh,  it  was  carried  to  see. 


In  order  to  bring  aid  from  usage  bygone. 
The  answers  were  drawn  by  quondam  Mess  John  ;§ 
He  united  with  such  art  our  law  with  the  civil. 
That  the  counsel,  on  both  sides,  would  have  seen  him  to  the 
devil. 


•  Gardenstone. — Francis  Garden  became  a  Judge  in  1764.  He  died  in  1793, 
He  was  a  clever  but  eccentric  person,  not  overburdened  with  judicial  wisdom. 

f  Dundas. — Robert  Dundas,  Esq.  Lord  President. 

%  Dundas. — Henry,  first  Viscount  Melville. 

§  Mess  John. — John  Erskine  of  Carnock,  author  of  the  Institute  of  the  Law 
of  Scotland. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  49 


The  cause  being  called,  my  Lord  Jastice-Clerkj* 
With  all  due  respect,  began  a  loud  bark ; 
He  appeal'd  to  his  conscience,  his  heart,  and  from  thence. 
Concluded  to  alter,  but  to  give  no  expense. 


Lord  Stonefield,t  unwilling  his  judgment  to  podder. 
Or  to  be  anticipate  agreed  with  his  brother  ; 
But  MonboddoJ  was  clear  the  bill  to  enforce. 
Because,  he  observed,  t'was  the  price  of  a  horse. 


Says  Pitfour§  with  a  wink  and  his  hat  all  a'gee, 
I  remember  a  case  in  the  year  twenty-three. 
The  magistrates  of  Banff  contra  Robert  Carr, 
I  remember  well,  I  was  then  at  the  bar. 

6 

Likewise  my  Lords  in  the  case  of  Peter  Caw, 
Superflua  non  nocent  was  found  to  be  law : 
Lord  Kennet||  also  quoted  the  case  of  one  Lithgow 
Where  a  penalty  in  a  bill  was  held  pro  non  scripto. 

7 
Lord  President  brought  his  chair  to  the  plum. 
Laid  hold  of  the  bench  and  brought  forward  his  bum : 

*  Justice-Clerk Sir  Thomas  Miller  of  Glenlee,   Bart.     He  was,   upon  the 

death  of  President  Dundas,  raised  to  the  Presidency,  (1788.)  His  Lordship 
held  this  high  appointment  but  a  short  time,  as  he  died  in  September  1 789. 
He  was  the  father  of  Lord  Glenlee. 

t  Stonefield. — John  Campbell,  who  became  a  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Session, 
and  took  that  title. 

X  Monboddo — James  Burnet,  Esq.  appointed  1767, — died  1799. 

§  Pitfour James  Ferguson  of  Pitfour  raised  to  the  Bench  1764, — died  1777. 

His  eyesight  was  weak,  in  consequence  of  which  he  always  wore  his  hat  on  the 
Bench. 

I  Kennet.— Robert  Bruce  of  Kennet,  appointed  a  Judge  1764,_died  1785. 

4 


50  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

In  these  answers,  my  Lords,  some  freedoms  have  been  used 
Which  I  could  point  out,  provided  I  chus'd. 

8 

I  was  for  this  interlocutor,  my  Lords  I  admit. 
But  am  open  to  conviction  as  long's  I  here  do  sit ; 
To  oppose  your  precedents  I  quote  you  some  cases. 
But  Tait*  a  priori  hurried  up  the  causes. 


He  prov'd  it  as  clear  as  the  sun  in  the  sky 
That  their  maxims  of  law  could  not  here  apply. 
That  the  writing  in  question  was  neither  bill  nor  band. 
But  something  unknown  in  the  law  of  the  land. 

10 
The  question  adhere  or  alter,  being  put. 
It  carried  to  alter  by  a  casting  vote  ; 
Baillie  then  mov'd. — In  the  bill  there's  a  raze. 
But  by  this  time  their  Lordships  had  called  a  new  cause. 

VIII. 
THE  FACULTY  GARLAND. 

From  a  printed  broadside  dated  J  785,  said  to  have  been  composed  on  occasion 
of  the  application  of  Mr.  John  Pattison,  to  be  admitted  a  Member  of  the 
Faculty  of  Advocales.f 

Tune — The  old  woman  of  Grimstone. 

Ye  orators  all. 

Attend  to  my  call, 
Lest  ye  suffer  a  Jewish  dispersion  ; 

The  Faculty,  (sure. 

To  keep  themselves  pure,) 
To  rogues  have  ta'en  up  an  aversion. 

•  Tait — Alexander  Tait,  Clerk  of  Session. 

t  Mr.  John  Pattison,  son  of  the  Rev.  Mr.  John  Pattison,  Minister  of  the  Cos- 
pel  in  Edinburgh,  was  admitted  Advocate  27th  January  1787. 


\ 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  51 

To  wander  about, 

In  a  dirty  black  clout, 
Tho'  none  are  the  fools  to  employ  them ; 

They  reckon  of  late 

Privileges  so  great. 
That  they  do  not  wish  more  to  enjoy  them. 

The  Advocates  met, 

The  point  to  debate. 
Upon  this,  so  important  occasion  ; 

Knaves,  Writers,  and  fools. 

To  bar  by  such  rules. 
As  will  not  admit  of  evasion. 

The  first,  I've  heard  say. 

Who  spoke,  was  C[^harle]s  Hay,* — 
And  this  was  the  lawyer's  beginning  ; 

Writers'  prentices  here 

Should  never  appear. 
Nor  people  who  wear  dirty  linen. 

H[enr]y  E[rskin]e,t  I'm  told. 

Thought  the  candidate  old. 
If  twenty  and  five  they  were  past ; 

Tho'  orator  Tom,  J 

Should  a  midshipman  roam. 
And  not  be  a  lawyer  at  last. 

Says  Bob,  ||  since  'tis  true, 
I,  at  twenty  and  two, 

•  Afterwards  Lord  Newton.  He  had,  previously  to  passing  Advocate,  served 
an  apprenticeship. 

f  Dean  of  Faculty  at  one  time,  and  Lord  Advocate  during  the  Whig  Ad- 
ministration. 

:}:  His  brother,  afterwards  Lord  Chancellor. 

Il  Robert  Dundas,  Esq.  Solicitor-General,  then  Lord  Advocate,  and  finally 
Lord  Chief  Baron  of  Exchequer,  which  office  he  held  till  his  death.  He  was  a 
very  amiable  man. 


52  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Was  Solicitor-General  designed. 
And  in  office  could  thrive  ; 
It  is  plain  twenty-five 

Is  old  age — and  decay  of  the  mind. 

Quoth  sweet  William  Charles,* 

We  can't  admit  carles 
Who  keep  company  blackguard  and  low ; 

Had  the  Justice  e'er  been 

With  a  gentleman  seen, 
It  had  been  a  most  singular  show. 

Says  J[ami]e  C[|olquhou]n,t 

We'll  degenerate  soon. 
If  we  do  not  watch  over  the  forum  ; 

Reformers  and  thieves 

Will  soon  be  sherives. 
And  buy  up  the  causes  before  'em. 

Says  old  M'[Intos]h,t 
If  we  bring  in,  such  trash. 


•  William  Charles  Little,  Esq.  who  was  alleged  not  to  have  been  very  select 
in  his  society,  and  not  over  scrupulous  as  a  Justice  of  the  Peace. 

•j-  Sir  James  Colquhoun,  1  art.  of  Luss,  Principal  Clerk  of  Session,  and  Sheriff 
of  Dumbartonshire.  He  was  one  of  the  odd  characters  of  the  time,  and 
was  much  teazed  by  the  wags  of  the  Parliament  House.  On  one  occasion  whilst 
Henry  Erskine  was  at  the  Inner-House  Bar  during  the  advising  of  some  impor- 
tant case,  he  amused  himself  by  making  faces  at  Sir  James,  who  was  sitting  at 
the  clerk's  table,  beneath  the  Judges, — his  victim  was  much  annoyed  at  the 
strange  conduct  of  the  tormenting  lawyer,  and  unable  to  bear  it,  disturbed  the 
gravity  of  the  Court,  by  rising  and  exclaiming,  *'  My  Lord,  My  Lord,  I  wish  you 
•*  would  speak  to  Harry,  he's  aye  making  faces  at  me," — Harry,  however,  looked 
as  grave  as  a  judge.  Peace  ensued,  and  the  advising  went  on,  when  Sir  James 
casting  his  eyes  towards  the  bar,  witnessed  a  new  grimace  from  his  tormentor,  and 
convulsed  Bench,  Bar,  and  Audience  by  roaring  out  "  there,  there,  my  Lord, 
'*  see  he's  at  it  again."  Sir  James,  notwithstanding  his  simplicity  in  ordinary 
matters,  had  much  worldly  wisdom,  for  no  one  knew  better  how  to  take  care  of 
his  money  than  he  did. 

J  Robert  Macintosh,  Esq.  an  eminent  lawyer ;  he  had  been  a  writer  in  the 
country,  and  was  much  employed  in  election  cases. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  53 

Without  either  kin,  or  connections  : 

Country  Procu'tors  next. 

Will  be  Advocates  fixt. 
And  then  play  the  rogue  at  elections. 

The  chief  thing,  says  G[]orbe]t,* — 

Oh  !  I  cannot  absorb  it, — 
Illiterate  fellows  to  ask  in  : 

I'm  affraid  we  shall  see 

People  take  our  degree. 
With  no  other  knowledge  than  Erskine. 

With  additional  scouring 

In  his  mouth,  J[oh]n  M^[Lauri]n,+ 
His  sentiments  thus  did  portray :  — 

Contemptuous  looks. 

Bawdy  poems,  J  or  books. 
Should  bar  up  the  candidate's  way. 

Honest  plain  I[sla]y  C[ampbel]l,|| 

Who  likes  every  sham  ill. 
No  quibblers  I'll  have,  he  did  say ; 

For  they  never  will  stick. 

By  cheat,  lie,  or  trick. 
To  wrest  the  just  cause  the  wrong  way. 

Says  bluff  R[ober]t  B[lai]r,§ 
With  a  fierce  haughty  stare, 

•  Robert  Corbet,  Esq.  afterwards  Solicitor  for  Teinds ;  his  father  was  Pro- 
vost of  Dumfries.  He  was  a  good  lawyer,  and  for  many  years  a  most  popular 
pleader  in  the  General  Assembly. 

f  Afterwards  Lord  Dreghorn. 

J  This  is  allusive  to  a  poem  entitled  the  Keekiad,  written  upon  a  domestic 
incident  that  occurred  in  the  family  of  Mr.  JoUie,  a  respectable  Edinburgh  tailor. 

II  Aftervrards  Lord  President.  He  was  created  a  Baronet  upon  leaving  the 
Bench. 

§  Son  of  the  Author  of  the  Grave,  and  Lord  President  of  the  Court  of 
Session. 


54  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

All  the  pride  of  the  church  in  his  eyes, — 

Let  us  keep  away  all 

The  Divinity  Hall, 
And  those  who  religion  despise. 

Young  Small  Trash  the  third,* 

Now  put  in  a  word. 
To  shew  them  John  Bruce'st  fine  logic  ; 

He  swore  by  the  wig. 

That  made  him  look  big. 
He'd  have  nobody  grave,  stiff,  or  tragicj 

Great  H[enr]y  D[^unda"]s,|| 

He  no  turncoat  was, — 
(Tho'  many  did  think  it  a  gibe, — ) 

That  would  shift  wind,  and  veer. 

Like  the  vane  on  a  spire. 
To  the  offerer  of  the  best  bribe. 

Quoth  the  lean  demon  Hugo,§ 

Since  to  make  new  laws  you  go. 
Out,  out  of  the  Faculty  close  'em ; 

Whose  malicious  heart. 

In  dark  corner  apart. 
Can  dictate  a  carmen  famosum. 

Says  rumbling  Spnclai]r,ir 
With  a  voice  like  a  tinkler, 

•  Charles  Hope,  Esq.  now  Lord  President  of  the  Court  of  Session. 

f  This  gentleman  obtained  the  office  of  King's  Printer,  besides  the  easy  ap- 
pointment of  Keeper  of  the  State  Paper  Office.  He  died  some  years  since, 
leaving  an  immense  fortune,  now  inherited  by  Mrs.  Tindall  Bruce. 

J  Mr.  Bruce  had  great  merit  in  his  pupil,  for  there  Ms  not  a  Judge  in  the 
Court  of  Session  who  delivers  an  opinion  more  logically,  or  with  more  dignity, 
than  the  now  venerable  individual  referred  to. 

II  Lord  Advocate,  but  better  known  as  the  first  Viscount  Melville. 

§  Hugo  Arnot,  Esq.  of  Balcormo,  author  of  the  History  of  Edinburgh,  see  page 
64. 

^  Robert  Sinclair,  Esq.  afterwards  a  principal  Clerk  of  Session.  He  died 
9th  September  1802. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  55 

To  enter  great  care  we  should  take ; 

First,  none  but  whose  tone  is 

All  soft  and  harmonious ; 
Next,  none  with  a  spice  of  the  rake. 

But  Bumbo,*  the  sour. 

By  a  fiat  of  power. 
Has  clagg'd  up  the  fools  empty  mouths ; 

To  mutter  none  dare  on't. 

For  an  Act  of  Sederunt 
Must  settle  the  point  for  the  Youths. 


IN- 
DIRECTIONS TO  WRITERS'  APPRENTICES. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Edinburgh  MagazinCj  1788. 

SIR, 

It  has  been  wittily  said,  that  it  is  not  more  true  that 
every  man  is  born  in  sin,  than  that  he  is  born  in  criticism  ; 
and  indeed,  whoever  attentively  considers  the  manners  and 
spirit  of  the  present  age,  will  discover  a  variety  of  illustra- 
tions in  support  of  the  truth  of  this  aphorism.  Hence  the  re- 
formal  ion  in  the  internal  government  of  the  royal  boroughs, 
and  the  incomparable  blacking  for  the  shoes  ;  the  perform- 
ances of  Mrs.  Siddons,  as  well  as  the  very  facetious  and  high- 
flavoured  jokes  of  Mr.  Humphreys  the  equestrian  clown, 
have  all  of  them  been  handled  with  a  becoming  gravity,  and 
the  respective  merits  of  each  fairly  and  critically  discussed, 
by  certain  ingenious  gentlemen,  to  whose  recondite  labours 
the  public  are  unspeakably  indebted. 

In  compliance  with  the  advice  given  by  Sallust,  in  his  ex- 
ordium to  the  history  of  Catiline^s  conspiracy,  I  am  desirous 
of  not  passing  my  life  in  silence,  and  therefore  I  have,  for 

*  Robert  Dundas,  Lord  President, 


56  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

some  time  past,  turned  my  attention  to  the  composition  of  a 
treatise,  which  I  call  Directions  to  certain  members  of  the 
College  of  Justice,  and  which  I  fondly  flatter  myself  will 
hand  down  my  name  to  posterity,  along  with  those  Quique 
sui  memores  alios  fee  ere  merendo. 

Of  this  stupendous  work  1  now  present  you  with  a  speci- 
men. I  have,  you  will  observe,  begun  with  the  seedlings  in 
this  great  forest,  and  mean  to  proceed  progressively  upwards, 
till  I  comprehend  the  timber  trees.  This  plan  I  have  adopt- 
ed as  the  most  simple,  and  at  the  same  time  the  most  me- 
thodical ;  for  you  will  perceive,  that  it  embraces  ''  the  ge- 
"  neral  camp,  pioneers  and  all,'''  ah  ovo  usque  ad  mala. 
Without  further  preface  therefore,  I  submit  to  your  readers 
my  Chapter  Jir sty  containing 

Directions  to  Writers'"  A  pprentices 

Quceque  ipse  miserrima  vidi 
Et  quorum  pars  magna  fui. 

When  your  master  gives  you  a  paper  to  copy,  if  you 
should  observe,  in  going  through  it,  any  repetitions  or  tau- 
tologies, of  which  your  business  will  furnish  you  with  many 
examples,  you  need  not,  if  you  are  in  a  hurry  to  go  out  to 
any  of  your  cronies,  be  at  the  trouble  of  copying  all  these, 
for  such  redundancies  of  expression  are  of  no  sort  of  use,  ex- 
cept in  increasing  the  expence  to  your  master"'s  clients,  and 
they  will  thank  you  for  omitting  them. 

When  your  master  has  drawn  a  paper,  (if  he  is  able  to 
draw  one),*  and  given  it  to  you  to  make  a  fair  copy  of,  cor- 

»  In  olden  times,  unlike  these  more  stirring  days  when  intellect  is  so  discur- 
sive, some  stray  agents  might  be  found  who  were  not  peculiarly  distinguished  for 
their  attainments,  and  who  sometimes  could  not,  as  here  anticipated,  "  draw"  a 

paper.     One  of  these,  a  worthy  commonly  yclept  black  John  F ,  who  had 

a  capital  business,  and  who  left  a  good  fortune  behind  him — in  which  last  parti- 
cular he  did  not  resemble  many  of  his  successors — was  impressed  with  the  idea  (in 
consequence  perhaps  of  his  having  the  preceding  evening  been  somewhat  ex- 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  57 

rect  such  passages  as  you  think  wrong,  and  expunge  such 
old  fashioned  phrases  as  he  may  have  made  use  of,  and  which 
you  dislike.  This  will  shew  your  master  that  you  are  a 
clever  fellow,  and  besides,  two  heads  are  better  than  one. 
Indeed  it  is  fifty  to  one,  that  your  master  is  a  very  stupid 
animal,  and  of  course  he  must  be  much  obliged  to  you  for 
polishing  his  works,  and  making  them  common  grammar,  or 
common  sense. 

If  your  master  sends  you  with  a  card  to  any  person  of 
which  you  are  desired  to  bring  the  answer,  by  no  means  go 
with  it  yourself,  but  send  either  a  porter*  or  your  master's 

cited,  or  as  he  himself  expressed  it,  having  "  felt  a  commotion"  whilst  witness- 
ing the  performance  of  Mrs.  Siddons  in  the  character  of  Isabella,  a  delineation 
which  after  some  hesitation,  when  the  curtain  dropped,  he  was  inclined  to  think 
was  a  tragic  not  a  comic  one), — that  his  powers  were  equal  to  the  preparation  of 
a  petition  for  the  appointment  of  a  factor.  His  clerk  was  summoned,  pens,  ink, 
and  paper,  placed  before  him,  and  the  process  of  "  dictation"  commenced. — 
"  Unto  the  Right  Honourable,"  "  Right  Honourable"  quoth  the  clerk, — "  the 
"  Lords  of  Council  and  Session,"  '*  Session,"  continued  the  scribe,  '*  the  petition 
•*  of  Alexander  Macdonald,  tenant  in  Siiy,"  "  Sky,"  "  humbly  sheweth,"  "shew- 
**  eth." — Stop  John,  read  what  you've  said  "  yes  sir, — Unto  the  Right  Honourable 
"  the  Lords  of  Council  and  Session,  the  petition  of  Alexander  Macdonald,  tenant 
*'  in  Sky,  humbly  sheweth,"  very  well  John,  very  well.  Where  did  you  stop? 
••  Humbly  sheweth,"  that  the  petitioner,"  '*  petitioner," — here  a  pause  for  a 
minute,  *'  That  the  petitioner,"  "  its  down  sir."  Here  the  mastergot  up — walked 
about  the  room, — scratched  his  head, — took  snuflF, — but  in  vain, — the  inspiration 
had  fled  with  the  mysterious  word  "  petitioner."  The  clerk  looked  up,  some- 
what amazed  that  his  master  had  even  got  that  length  ;  and  at  last  ventured  to 
suggest  that  perhaps  the  difficulty  might  be  got  over, — "  how  John,"  exclaimed 
his  master  eagerly  ?  "As  you  have  done  the  most  important  part,  what  would  you 
say  Sir,  to  send  the  paper,  to  be  finished,  to  Mr.  Macgrugar,  with  a  guinea  ? 
'*  The  very  thing  John, — tak  the  paper  to  Macgrugar,  and  as  we  have  done 
*'  the  maist  fickle  part  of  the  work,  he's  deevilish  weell  off  wi  a  guinea." 

*  This  advice  has  sometimes  been  adopted,  at  least  one  instance  might  be 
cited  where  it  was  followed.  A  gentleman,  afterwards  well  known  in  the  pro- 
fession, who  subsequently  settled  in  London,  and  who  is  still  alive,  had  been 
bound  apprentice  to  a  respectable  writer  to  the  signet  of  the  old  school,  who  was 
no  great  admirer  of  modei-n  puppyism.  The  youth  was  deemed,  or  rather 
deemed  himself  a  very  fine  sort  of  person,  and  the  idea  of  carrying  papers  was 
revolting  to  his  feelings.  One  evening  the  master  rang  the  bell,  and  the  ap- 
prentice was  desired  to  take  a  very  small  parcel  of  papers  to  a  professional 
gentleman,  whose  residence  was  not  far  distant,   the  packet  was   received   in 


58  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

servant ;  and  surely  it  is  much  more  for  your  honour  as  well 
as  that  of  your  master,  though  he  should  be  obliged  to  keep  a 
couple  of  servants,  than  that  you  should  be  employed  like  a 
Cadie.  But  if  in  any  case  you  must  go  with  a  card,  leave 
it  at  the  house,  and  come  off  that  instant,  without  waiting 
for  the  answer. 

If  your  master  desires  you  to  carry  papers  in  a  bag  to  a 
Judge*'s  house,  absolutely  refuse  it.  This  will  show  your 
master  that  you  are  a  young  gentleman  of  spirit,  and  that  you 
are  not  to  be  affronted.  Let  old  Hocus  trudge  away  with 
his  bags  himself  As  to  your  carrying  your  master's  great 
coat  when  he  happens  to  be  out  at  night,  and  which  I  re- 
member to  have  been  the  custom,  it  is  needless  to  say  any 
thing,  as  this  abominable  practice  is  now  universally  exploded! 

Contrive  to  get  acquainted  with  young  gentlemen  of  taste 
about  town,  who  by  frequenting  billiard-tables,  cock-matches, 
stables,  and  other  places  of  polite  amusement,  have  acquired 
a  knowledge  of  the  world  and  of  life.*  This  will  hinder 
your  parts  from  rusting,  which  is  very  likely  to  happen  if 
you  sit  constantly  slaving  in  your  master  s  office. 

If  you  can  scrape  an  acquaintance  with  any  bookseller's 
clerk,  it  may  not  be  amiss  that  you  spend  two  or  three  hours 

silence, — not  a  word  was  said.  A  minute  had  hardly  elapsed  when  the  master 
saw  a  porter  run  hastily  across  the  street,  apparently  to  the  office.  This 
induced  some  suspicion  of  his  errand, — which  was  verified  by  shortly  seeing  the 
young  man  issue  forth  from  the  office  followed  by  the  porter.  Seizing  his  hat 
the  master  followed,  and  overtaking  the  latter,  relieved  him  of  his  burden. 
He  then  followed  in  the  rear  of  his  apprentice,  who,  of  course,  thought  it 
beneath  his  dignity  to  look  round.  At  last  the  place  of  destination  was 
reached, — the  door  bell  was  rang  with  violence,  •'  here  fellow,"  quoth  the 
youth,  **  give  me  the  parcel,"  slipping  sixpence  into  his  hand  ;  but  without 
condescending  to  look  at  him,  *'  here  it  is  for  you,"  exclaimed  the  supposed 
porter, the  voice  struck  the  young  gentleman,  and  his  astonishment  and  con- 
fusion may  be  imagined  when  he  beheld  his  master.  In  place  of  scolding 
him,  the  old  gentleman  contented  himself  with  using  the  very  powerful  weapon 
of  ridicule,  and  with  such  effect,  as  the  apprentice  afterwards  candidly  avowed, 
that  in  future  he  resolved  not  to  be  above  his  business. 

•  This  recommendation  has  met  with  due  attention  in  modern  days,  and 
has  led  to  a  great  improvement  both  in  the  mind  and  morals  of  the  rising  gener- 
ation of  youthful  writers. 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  59 

a  day  in  the  shop.  Every  writer's  apprentice  is,  de  jure,  a 
member  of  the  republic  of  letters,  (I  do  not  mean  Signet  let- 
ters) and  such  plaees  enjoy  a  prescriptive  right  of  engrossing 
a  considerable  portion  of  your  time.  Gay,  speaking  of  the 
shop  of  one  of  these  midwives  of  the  muses,  has  observed  long 
ago  that, 

"  How  sauntering  'prentices  o'er  Otway  weep, 
"  O'er  Congreve  smile,  or  over  Erskine  sleep." 

Never  be  a  whole  day  together  at  your  desk,  but  go  out 
now  and  then  and  take  a  walk  for  your  amusement,  to  a 
tennis  court,  or  a  game  or  two  at  billiards.  This  will  be  an 
agreeable,  rational,  and  indeed  a  necessary  relaxation  from 
the  dull  plodding  in  your  master  s  office. 

If  your  parents  can  afford  it,  or  whether  they  can  affi^rd  it 
or  no,  by  all  means  dress  yourself  like  a  cornet  of  dragoons. 
Have  your  hair  done  at  least  once  a-day  in  the  most  fashion- 
able and  approved  manner,  and  let  no  consideration  what- 
ever prevent  you  from  being  completely  dressed  before  you 
come  to  your  master's  office  about  mid-day.  Your  master  is 
as  able  to  work  as  you  are,  and  if  he  chooses  to  be  at  his  desk 
by  six  in  the  morning,  why  not  ?  but  it  would  be  very  im- 
proper in  you  to  disturb  his  family  at  so  early  an  hour. 

Take  care  to  let  your  master  be  obliged  to  send  all  over 
the  town  in  quest  of  you  ♦two  or  three  times  a-week,  and 
sometimes  as  often  in  a  day,  to  attend  what  he  calls  your 
dui;y  in  the  office.  This  will  show  your  acquaintances  that 
your  master  is  an  honest  fellow,  and  that  you  and  he  are 
more  upon  the  footing  of  companions,  than  that  of  master  and 
apprentice. 

When  your  master  challenges  you  for  any  little  neglect, 
such  as  forgetting  to  put  his  letters  into  the  post-office  for 
two  or  three  nights,  or  the  like,  you  may  look  as  surly  at 
him  as  you  please,  but  I  advise  you,  for  your  own  sake,  not 
to  make  any  reply,  at  least  while  the  hot  fit  is  on  him ;  for 
if  your  master  should  happen  to  be  a  choleric  hasty  fellow 


60  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

you  have  a  chance  of  getting  your  head  broke.  I  remember 
once,  to  have  myself  got  a  most  inhuman  drubbing  for  say- 
ing, as  I  thought,  a  smart  thing  to  my  master  upon  such  an 
occasion. 

Endeavour  to  conceal  as  much  as  possible,  your  being 
bound  apprentice  to  a  writer ;  for,  to  say  the  truth,  all  busi- 
ness is  below  a  gentleman  of  any  spirit ;  and  when  the  world 
sees  you  strolling  about  the  country,  with  a  fowling-piece  on 
your  shoulder  and  a  pointer  at  your  heels,  they  will  never 
suspect  that  you  mean  to  work  for  your  bread ;  they  will 
naturally  conclude,  either  that  you  are  a  gentleman  of  con- 
siderable landed  property,  or  that  you  have  gained  a  capital 
prize  in  the  last  state  lottery,  or  that  somebody  has  left  you 
something  somewhere  ;  and  in  either  of  these  cases,  depend 
upon  it,  you  wi41  be  treated  by  strangers  with  much  respect. 
The  profession  of  an  attorney  too,  you  will  recollect,  is  far 
from  being  popular,  and  this  is  an  additional  motive  for 
your  concealing,  with  some  adroitness,  your  connection  with 
it.     Pope,  you  know,  has  said, 

"  Boastful  and  rough,  your  Jirst  son  is  a  'squire, 
"  The  next  a  tradesman,  meek,  and  much  a  liar. 
"  Tom  struts  a  soldier,  honest,  bold,  and  brave; 
"  Will  sneaks  a  scrivener,  an  exceeding  knave." 

If  you  get  a  paper  from  your  master  which  he  wants  copied 
in  a  hurry,  lay  it  down  deliberately  on  your  desk,  and  after 
taking  a  pinch  of  snufF,  take  up  a  law  book,  if  there  should 
be  one  in  the  office,  and  read,  or  pretend  to  read  half  a  dozen 
pages  :  for  the  improvement  of  your  mind  is  surely  an  object 
of  much  greater  importance  than  the  copying,  it  may  be,  of 
some  very  foolish  paper. 

Should  you  be  sent  in  the  morning  with  papers  to  the 
Parliament-house,  which  are  in  a  very  great  hurry,  and 
should  your  master  anxiously  desire  you  to  run  the  whole 
way  that  you  may  not  be  too  late,  walk  with  the  utmost  so- 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  6l 

lemnity,  and  as  slow  as  if  you  were  going  to  be  hanged.  For 
why  should  you  run  the  risk  of  catching  a  fever,  by  over- 
heating yourself  merely  to  oblige  your  master  ?  besides,  this 
behaviour  of  yours  will  teach  him  in  future  to  be  more  order- 
ly and  timeous  with  his  papers  in  a  morning,  and  order  is 
absolutely  requisite  in  carrying  on  business. 

Always  walk  with  a  cane,  or  some  fashionable  switch,  or  a 
short  bludgeon,  (as  the  vogue  may  be)  although  you  should 
be  sent  a  message  to  the  next  door.  Every  person  who  wears 
a  cane,  switch,  or  bludgeon,  is,  eo  ipso,  a  gentleman. 

If  you  can  any  how  contrive  to  procure  a  pair  of  boots, 
your  fortune  is  made  ;  for  wearing  boots,  when  you  have  not 
the  most  distant  intention  of  riding,  nor  perhaps  as  much 
money  in  your  repositories  as  would  hire  a  hack  for  a  day,  is 
another  infallible  mark  of  a  gentleman.  See  that  the  tops 
of  your  boots,  however,  are  pushed  down  to  your  ankles, 
otherwise  people  might  suspect  that  your  master  was  about 
to  send  you  into  the  country  upon  business ;  an  aspersion 
against  which  you  cannot,  on  your  entry  into  life,  be  too 
careful  of  guarding  against. 

Copying  your  master^s  letters  is  a  most  intolerable  slavery, 
especially  if  he  has  taken  a  crotchet  into  his  wise  head,  of 
writing  to  his  clients  a  dull  history  of  his  proceedings  in 
every  dull  law-suit.  Make  short  work  with  them.  Leave 
out  whole  sentences,  and  by  contractions,  et  ceteras,  and  ex- 
punging absurd  passages,  you  may  condense  a  letter  of  three 
pages  into  about  as  many  lines.  Nothing  is  more  beautiful 
and  elegant  than  a  short  concise  stile,  especially  in  letters ; 
and  from  the  days  of  the  elder  Pliny,  down  to  those  of  Mr. 
Gamaliel  Pickle  inclusive,  every  man  of  taste  and  genius  has 
cultivated  this  study  with  diligence  and  attention.  In  the 
first  volume  of  Peregrine  Pickle^  a  book  never  to  be  suf- 
ficiently commended,  (and  which  buy)  you  will  find  a  very 
beautiful  illustration  of  what  I  am  now  recommending  to  you, 
I  mean  the  letter  from  Mr.  Gamaliel  Pickle  to  his  mistress, 
and  which  I  take  to  be  a  perfect  model  of  the  epistolary  stile, 


62  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

although  I  confess,  that  it  has  not  been  noticed  either  by  Mr. 
Harris,  Lord  Kames,  or  Doctor  Blair;  a  proof,  that  even 
the  most  laborious  and  elegant  writers  on  composition  and 
the  Belles  Lettres,  will  sometimes  overlook  a  very  striking 
exemplification.     So  true  it  is,  that 

"  Aliquando  bonus  dormitat  Homerus." 

Make  it  a  point  with  your  master,  that  he  must  give  you 
the  whole  of  both  vacations,  and  also  Christmas  holidays, 
that  you  may  enjoy  the  sporting  seasons,  as  well  as  the  days 
of  festivity.  What  gentleman  would  sit  from  morning  to 
night,  and  from  morning  to  night  again,  poring  over  bundles 
of  musty  papers  ? 

Send  out  your  masters  servant  upon  as  many  of  your 
messages  as  you  can,  and  in  the  more  ignoble  parts  of  your 
business,  such  as  buying  pens,  paper,  and  ink,  and  carrying 
letters  to  the  post-office,  and  which  no  gentleman  would  be 
seen  in.  This  will  teach  the  lad  to  be  smart,  and  who  knows, 
but  that  one  day  he  become  a  writer  himself,  and  be  as  good 
a  man  as  your  master,  of  which  I  could  name  some  very  not- 
able instances  already,  now  flourishing  in  this  great  city. 
Should  your  master  have  occasion  for  the  servant  when  you 
have  ordered  him  out,  he  will  only  be  very  angry,  when  he 
finds  that  you  have  been  the  occasion  of  it ;  but  your  master  s 
being  in  a  passion  is  surely  of  no  consequence  to  you,  and  it 
will  do  him  good,  by  making  his  blood  circulate,  for  a  brisk 
circulation  is  now  and  then  of  much  benefit  to  a  sedentary 
person.  This  is  the  reason  that  you  see  all  lawyers  fond  of 
walking. 

If  you  happen  unfortunately  to  be  only  your  father's  third 
or  fourth  son,  and  perhaps  a  very  slender  income  to  maintain 
you  all,  take  care  that  your  eldest  brother  does  not  outdo 
you  in  spirit.  The  proverb  says,  *'  The  younger  brother 
«'  the  better  gentleman,''  and  do  not  shame  the  proverb,  but 
run  into  every  expence,  foolery,  and  affectation  you  can. 
This  was  so  perfectly  understood  among  the  Romans,  that 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  63 

when  the  extravagance  of  a  younger  brother  exceeded  that 
of  the  elder,  they  used  to  call  it  his  Gestio  pro  hcerede,  as 
you  will  see  in  the  law  books,  when  you  come  to  divert  your- 
self with  the  civil  law. 

During  the  whole  period  of  your  apprenticeship,  go  out 
regularly  to  drink  tea  every  afternoon,  without  missing  it  so 
much  as  once,  and  stay  about  two  hours,  till  your  master  has 
raised  the  hue  and  cry  after  you,  which  is  perhaps  better. 
This  will  show  your  master  that  you  hav  e  not  been  bred  up 
like  a  country  booby,  without  getting  tea  in  the  afternoon. 
Besides,  tea  is  of  a  refreshing,  sedative,  and  aromatic  quality, 
and  the  chit-chat  of  the  ladies  extremely  alluring,  after  your 
drudging,  perhaps  for  near  half  an  hour,  in  your  master''s 
office.     Whatever  hints  your  master  may  have  given  you 
from  time  to  time,   about  this  same  tea-drinking  business, 
take  no  notice  of  them.     The  only  danger  to  be  apprehend- 
ed indeed,  is  his  getting  into  a  horrible  unchristian  passion 
some  night,  and  perhaps,  with  divers  profane  oaths,  abso- 
lutely prohibiting  tea  in  all  time  to  come,  under  severe  and 
exemplary  penalties.     In  such  a  case,  it  is  difficult  how  to 
advise  you,  but  I  think  your  best  plan  would  be,  immediately 
upon  this,  to  throw  up  your  master's  service  altogether,  and 
to  ship  yourself  ofF  directly  for  the  East  Indies,  where  tea  is 
in  great  abundance,  both  Bohea  and  Green,  and  where  you 
must  very  soon  make  a  fortune.    The  expence  of  the  passage 
is  indeed  considerable,  and  consequently  may  be  inconvenient, 
but  I  have  known  some  of  our  brethren  very  ingeniously  sur- 
mount this  obstacle,  by  getting  themselves  entered  as  con- 
victs, and  by  which  means  you  pay  not  a  farthing ;   on  the 
contrary,  every  thing  necessary,  either  for  your  back  or  belly, 
is  most  plentifully  administered  and  supplied.     If,  however, 
you  have  taken  any  private  disgust  at  the  proceedings  of 
Messrs.  Hyder  Ally  and  Tippo  Saib,  or  perhaps  conceived 
some  foolish  prejudice  at  the  Black  Hole  of  Calcutta,  you 
may  easily,  by  passing  your  trials,  qualify  yourself  for  a 
birth  in  the  steerage  in  the  next  Botany  Bay  fleet,  and 


64  COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND. 

where  you  will  be  perfectly  safe  from  any  irruption  of  the 
Mahrattas. 

One  word  more,  and  I  have  done.  If  a  letter  is  left  in 
the  office  for  your  master,  observe  if  you  think  it  is  from  a 
woman.  If  you  do,  endeavour  to  pry  into  it,  and  follow  the 
same  rule  with  all  letters  going  from  your  master  to  any 
lady,  and  which  may  pass  thro'  your  hands.  It  has  been 
both  said  and  sung,  that  "'T^is  woman  that  seduces  all 
"  mankind  ^  and  as  you  are  bound  by  your  indenture  to  de- 
fend your  master*'s  good  name,  and  to  prevent  as  much  as  in 
your  power,  any  injury  to  his  character  or  fortune,  you  can- 
not render  him  a  more  essential  service,  than  by  preventing 
him  from  forming  improper  intimacies  with  the  sex,  for  such 
connections  often  lead  a  man  to  ruin. 

Martinus  ScribleruSj  junior. 


X. 

EPIGRAM  ON  THE  LATE  HUGO  ARNOT,  ESQ.  ADVOCATE. 

Written  by  the  Honourable  Henry  Erskine. 

The  Scriptures  assure  us  much  may  be  forgiven 
To  flesh  and  to  blood,  by  the  mercy  of  heaven ; 
But  I've  searched  all  the  books,  and  texts  I  find  none 
That  extend  such  forgiveness  to  skin  and  to  bone.* 


*  Hui?o  was  so  attenuated  as  to  be  almost  a  walking  skeleton, — had  he  lived 
till  the  year  1825,  he  mitfht  have  proved  a  formidable  rival  to  the  living  skeleton 
of  that  period.  One  day  he  was  eating  a  split  dried  haddock,  commonly  called  a 
spelding,  when  the  reputed  author  of  these  lines  came  in, — "  You  see,"  says 
Hugo,  *'  I  am  not  starving,"  **  I  must  own,"  observed  Henry  Erskine,  *'  that 
you  are  very  like  your  meat." 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  65 

XT. 
SONG, 

INTENDED  TO  HAVE  BEEN  SUNG  BETWEEN  THE  ACTS  OF  A 
PLAY,  (ACTED  BY  PARTICULAR  DESIRE  OF  THE  DEAN  AND 
FACULTY  OF  ADVOCATES),  IN  THE  CHARACTER  OF  A  LAWYER, 
— January  1770. 

From  a  Volume  of  MS.  in  the  Library  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates,  written  by 
the  Hon.  Henry  Erskine,  and  said  to  have  been  corrected  by  himself. 

1 

The  Bards  of  all  ages  have  made  it  their  theme 
To  sing  of  the  merits,  and  blazon  the  fame 
Of  other  professions,  and  praise  them  at  random 
Of  lawyers  I  sing,  and  make  you  avizandum. 

Derry  down,  &c. 

2 

Tho'  partial,  I'll  give  you  a  representation 
Of  the  good  and  the  ill,  we  bestow  on  the  nation. 
Our  use  is  so  certain,  there  is  no  denying'nt. 
If  any  one  doubts  it,  he  ne'er  was  a  client. 

3 

Extraordinary  actions  belong  to  the  great, — 

The  soldier,  the  patriot,  or  premier  of  state  ; 

But  we,  unconnected  with  party  or  faction, 

Spend  our  time  and  our  breath  on  an  ordinary  action. 

4 

Altho'  with  our  virtues,  some  faults  may  conjoin. 
The  process  is  short  that  can  make  us  repine ; 
For  whoe'er  be  the  Judge  that  decides  on  our  blame. 
If  he  gives  it  against  us,  we're  sure  to  reclaim. 

5 


66  COURT  01^  SESSION  GARLAND. 

5 

Tho'  peaceable  folks,  yet  we  often  petition, 
Tho'  not  like  our  neighbours  stirred  up  by  sedition. 
So  just  are  both  houses,  that  when  we're  refused, 
Wq  petition  again,  nor  think  justice  abus'd. 

6 

To  the  fair,  the  delight  and  the  joy  of  creation. 

We're  tender  and  faithful  without  affectation  ; 

And  while  to  investigate,  truth  is  our  duty. 

Can  Jind  nought  in  them^  but  love,  honour,  and  beauty. 

7 

To  other  professions,  old  age  is  a  ruin. 
Unfits  them  for  action,  is  a  certain  undoing ; 
We  scorn  to  conceal  it,  lik«  old  maids  and  beaux, 
A  lawyer's  the  better  the  older  he  grows. 

8 

All  mankind  beside  live  in  terror  for  death. 

And  with  fear  and  unwillingness  yield  their  last  breath  ; 

But  a  lawyer  is  happy,  by  labour  hard  toil'd. 

When  his  suites  at  an  end,  and  he's  fairly  assoiVd. 

9 

On  the  whole,  we  submit  to  your  righteous  decision. 
Having  stated  the  law  and  the/ac^  with  precision  ; 
And  we  crave,  that  in  ranking  professions  you'll  find. 
If  not  pari  passu,  we're  not  far  behind. 

XII. 

ODE  OF  SAPPHO  PARODIED. 

Addressed  to  the  Earl  of  [Kelly],  the  celebrated  bon  vivant  and  Musical 
Composer,  by  the  Hon.  H.  Erskine,  from  the  MS.  previously  noticed. 

Drunk  as  a  Dragon,  sure  is  he 

The  youth  that  dines,  or  sups  with  thee 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  67 

Who  hears  and  sees  thee  full  of  fun, — 
Loudly  laugh  and  quaintly  pun. 
T'was  this  first  made  me  love  my  dose. 
And  raised  such  pimples  on  my  nose. 
For  while  I  fill'd  to  every  toast. 
My  cares  were  gone — my  senses  lost : 
I  felt  the  claret  and  champagne 
Inflame  my  blood,  and  mad  my  brain. 
My  toast  fell,  faultring  from  my  tongue, 
I  scarcely  heard  the  catch  I  sung, — 
I  felt  my  gorge  with  sickness  rise. 
The  candles  danced  before  my  eyes, — 
My  sight  grew  dim,  the  room  turn'd  round, 
I  tumbl'd  senseless  on  the  ground. 

XIII. 

PATRICK  O'CONNOR'S  ADVICE  TO  HENRY  M'GRAUGH,  WHO  WAS 
SENTENCED  BY  THE  MAGISTRATES  OF  EDINBURGH  TO  BE 
WHIP'T  THROUGH  THE  TOWN  FOR  EATING  AT  TAVERNS,  AND 
NOT  PAYING August  1774. 

From  Mr.  Erskine's  MS.  Poems  previously  noticed. 
In  the  Edinburgh  Evening  Courant,  31st  August  1774,  there  occurs  this  notice 
relative  to  this  unfortunate  eater,  who  seems,  like  the  redoubtable  Dando  of 
modern  days,  to  have  been  the  terror  of  Tavern- Keepers. — "  This  day,  one ' 
Henry  Macgraugh  (an  Irishman)  was  publickly  whipt  thro'  this  city,  and 
afterwards  remitted  to  prison  for  three  months,  pursuant  to  a  sentence  of  the 
Magistrates.  This  fellow  has  been  in  the  practice  of  imposing  upon  the  in- 
habitants, by  going  into  Taverns,  calling  for  victuals  and  drink,  and  afterwards 
informing  the  people  he  had  no  money  to  pay  for  them.  He  had  three  times 
been  taken  before  the  Magistrates  for  these  practices ;  the  first  and  second 
time  he  was  dismissed  on  promises  of  good  behaviour,  and  leaving  the  place ; 
but  finding  him  altogether  incorrigible,  the  Magistrates  were  at  last  induced 
to  pass  the  above  sentence." 

Arrah  !  Harry  M^Graugh,  very  cruel  your  fate  is 
To  be  whipt  thro'  the  town,  'cause  you  love  to  dine  gratis. 
By  my  shoul,  my  dear  jewel,  if  such  be  their  due. 
Who  love  a  good  dinner,  for  nothing,  like  you. 


68  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Some  folks  I  could  name  of  no  little  renown. 
Before  3'ou,  might  walk  by  your  side  thro'  the  town. 
Yet  here,  even  here,  you  might  spunge  a  good  dinner. 
Without  being  thought  so  egregious  a  sinner. 
But  the  method  you  took,  will  not  pass  in  this  city 
As  at  home :  By  St.  Patrick,  the  more  is  the  pity. 
Then  learn  from  the  Bailie  that  sous'd  you  the  way 
To  eat  and  to  drink,  yet  have  nothing  to  pay  : 
Like  him  be  made  Counsellor,  Deacon  or  Baillie, 
And  as  politics  go, — What  the  devil's  to  ail  ye  ? 
Then  each  day  you  may  guzzle,  at  the  city's  expence. 
Without  Crosbie*  or  Bos  well  t  to  plead  your  defence. 
If  you  can't  my  dear  creature,  to  Ireland  be  gone. 
For  the  Magistrates  here  hate  all  rogues  but  their  own. 

XIV. 

EPITAPH  ON  CHARLES  HAY,  ESQUIRE,  ADVOCATE,  WHO  LIES  IN- 
TERRED UNDER  THE  BOWLING  GREEN  IN  HERIOT'S  GARDEN. 

By  the  Hon.  Henry  Erskine,  from  the  MS.  previously  noticed. 

No  more  to  shine  in  bowling,  or  in  law. 
No  more  of  Papers,  or  of  casts,  to  draw, 
Beneath  his  fav'rite  turf,  ah  !  well-a-day. 
Lies  the  dead  length  of  honest  Charlie  Hay. 
What,  tho'  from  natures  hand  delivefdfair 
And  wide  of  every  rub  from  want  or  care, 

*  Andrew  Crosbie,  Esquire,  a  Barrister  of  great  eminence.  He  is  said  to  be 
the  prototype  of  Councellor  Pleydel  in  Guy  Mannering.  He  was  ruined,  like 
many  others,  by  the  failure  of  the  Ayr  Bank,  and  died  in  such  poverty  in  1785, 
that  his  widow  was  under  the  necessity  of  applying  for  relief  to  the  Faculty  of 
Advocates,  from  whom  she  obtained  an  annual  allowance  of  £,bO.  Before  his 
death,  Mr.  Crosbie  appears  to  have  projected  a  work  on  the  duties  of  Justices 
of  the  Peace,  as  an  advertisement  to  that  effect  appeared  in  the  Advertiser  News- 
paper February  16th  1785.  His  Library,  in  which  ^'  besides  Classics,  History, 
*'  &c.  there  is  a  large  collection  of  books  in  the  Roman  and  Civil  Law"  was  ad~ 
vertised  for  sale  by  auction  at  "  Hay's  Vendue  Warehouse,  back  of  the  Guard, 
«*  Edinburgh,"  on  Monday  the  4th  of  July  1785. 

f  James  Boswell,  Esquire. 


\ 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  69 

By  envious  death  ta'en  up^,  here  short  he  lies. 
And  craves  a  tear  from  every  Bowler's  eyes. 

Whoe'er  thou  art  that  haunt'st  this  verdant  spot, 
Oh  !  learn  his  virtues  whilst  thou  mourn'st  his  lot. 
In  the  few  Ends  of  life  poor  Charlie  playdy 
No  narrow  thought  his  social  bosom  sway'd. 
Alike  in  bus'ness,  and  in  pleasure  keen. 
True  to  the  Bar  as  to  the  Bowling-green  ; 
Still  did  his  heart  with  anxious  Mass  bend. 
To  save  his  client,  and  assist  his  friend. 

In  every  social  scene  he  took  the  lead, 
And  skipped  with  kindness  o'er  each  friend's  misdeed  ; 
If  e'er  himself  fell  short,  by  this  sad  stone 
Learn  his  Amendment  now,  for  he  is  gone. 
Short  is  the  game  of  life,  and  quickly  o'er. 
Even  when  the  party  play'd  is  up  three  score. 
How  hard  the  stroke  then,  when  but  just  begun. 
To  robe  thee.  Hay,  of  life,  and  us  of  fun ! 

E'er  on  the  ill  kept  turf  of  Herriot's  green, 
Another  bowler  shall  like  thee  be  seen. 
Bowls  shall  no  longer  feel  their  biassd  side, 

And  J nie  T n  shall  forget  to  ride ; 

Still  in  the  Bank  the  short  bowls  shall  be  found, 
And  those  that  reach  the  Bank  shall  block  the  ground. 
And  Woods  bare  green,  tho'  roll'd  and  mow'd  each  day. 
Shall,  from  thy  bones,  produce  a  crop  of  Hay. 


70  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


XV. 

NOTES  TAKEN  AT  ADVISING  THE  ACTION  OF  DEFAMATION 
AND  DAMAGES,  ALEXANDER  CUNNINGHAM,  JEWELLER,  EDIN- 
BURGH, AGAINST  MR.  JAMES  RUSSELL,  SURGEON  THERE. 

This  jeu  d'esprit  is  generally  understood, — indeed  we  believe  there  can  be  no 
doubt  on  the  subject, — to  have  been  written  by  George  Cranstoun,  Esquire,  after- 
wards Lord  Corehouse,  whose  recent  retirement  from  the  seat  of  justice  has 
been  deeply  regretted  by  the  legal  profession, — in  truth  it  is  a  loss  that  cannot 
easily  be  repaired.  It  was  printed  in  the  Scots  Magazine  several  years  since, 
from  whence  it  was  transferred  to  the  •'  Literary  Gems,"  and  subsequently  to 
Kay's  Edinburgh  Portraits,  vol.  ii,  p.  384,  as  a  very  appropriate  illustration  of 
the  last  sitting  of  "  the  old  Court  of  Session."  It  is  there  very  properly 
described  as  a  satire  replete  with  '*  humour  without  rancour,"  and  as  happily 
imitating  '*  the  overlaid  phraseology  of  Lord  Bannatyne, — the  predeliction 
for  Latin  quotation  of  Lord  Meadowbank, — the  brisk  manner  of  Lord  Hermand, 
— the  anti-gallic  prejudices  of  Lord  Craig, — the  broad  dialects  of  Lords  Pol- 
kemmet  and  Balmuto,  and  the  inveterate  hesitation  of  Lord  Methven." 

Lord  President. 
Your  Lordships  have  the  petition  of  Alexander  Cunningham 
against  Lord  Bannatyne's  interlocutor.*  It  is  a  case  of  de- 
famation and  damages,  for  calling  the  petitioner's  Diamond 
Beetle  an  Egyptian  Louse.  You  have  the  Lord  Ordinary's 
interlocutor  on  page  29  and  30  of  the  petition.  "  Having 
"  considered  the  correspondence  of  the  pursuer,  answers  for 
"  defender,"  and  so  on,  "Finds,  in  respect  that  it  is  not  alledged 
"  that  the  diamonds  on  the  hack  of  the  Beetle  are  real  dia- 
*^  monds,  or  any  thing  but  shining  spots,  such  as  are  found 
"  on  other  diamond  beetles,  and  which  likewise  occur,  al- 
"  though  in  a  smaller  number,  on  a  greater  number  of  other 
"  beetles  somewhat  different  from  the  beetle  libelled,  similar 
"  to  which  there  may  be  beetles  in  Egypt  with  shining  spots 
*'  on  their  backs,  which  may  be  termed  lice  there^  and  may 
'*  be  different,  not  only  from  the  common  louse,  but  from 
"  the  louse  mentioned  by  Moses  as  one  of  the  plagues  of 

•  The  interlocutors  of  Lord  Bannatyne  were  remarkable  for  being  involved 
and  complicated ;  he  was,  however,  a  good  lawyer,  and  very  excellent  man. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  7l 

"  Egypt,  and  which  is  admitted  to  he  a  filthy  trouhlesome 
"  louse,  even  worse  than  the  said  louse,  which  is  clearly 
"  different  from  the  louse  libelled;  but  the  other  louse  is 
"  the  same  with,  or  similar  to  the  said  beetle,  which  is  also 
"  the  same  with  the  other  beetle ;  and  although  different 
"  from  the  said  beetle  libelled,  yet,  as  the  said  beetle  is  simi- 
"  lar  to  the  other  beetle,  and  the  said  louse  to  the  said  beetle, 
"  and  the  said  beetle  to  the  other  louse  libelled,  and  the  said 
*'  louse  to  the  other  beetle,  which  is  the  same  with,  or  simi- 
"  lar  to  the  beetle,  which  somewhat  resembles  the  beetle 
*'  libelled ;  assoilzies  the  defender,  and  finds  expences  due.''' 
Say  away  my  Lords. 

Lord  Meadowbank. 

This  is  a  very  difficult  and  puzzling  question,  my  Lords. 
I  have  formed  no  decided  opinion,  but,  at  present,  I  am 
rather  inclined  to  think  the  interlocutor  is  right,  though  not 
upon  the  ratio  assigned  in  it.  It  appears  to  me  there  are 
two  points  for  consideration : — First,  Whether  the  words 
libelled  amount  to  a  convicium  against  the  Beetle.  Second- 
ly, Admitting  the  convicium,  whether  the  pursuer  is  entitled 
to  found  upon  it  in  this  action.  Now,  my  Lords,  if  there 
be  a  convicium  at  all,  it  consists  of  the  comparatio,  or  com- 
parison of  the  scarabcEus  or  beetle  with  the  Egyptian  pedicu- 
his  or  louse.  My  first  doubt  regards  this  point ;  but  it  is 
not  at  all  founded  on  what  the  defender  alleges,  that  there  is 
no  such  animal  as  the  Egyptian  pec?icw/w5  in  rerum  naturd; 
for  though  it  does  not  actually  exist,  it  may  possibly  eooist  : 
and  whether  its  existence  is  in  esse  or  posse,  is  the  same 
thing  for  this  question,  provided  there  be  termini  hahiles  for 
ascertaining  what  it  would  be  if  it  did  eooist.  But  my  doubt 
is  here.  How  am  I  to  discover  what  is  the  essentia  of  any  louse, 
whether  Egyptian  or  not  ?  It  would  be  very  easy  to  describe 
its  accidents  as  a  Naturalist  would  do,  (it  is  a  mistake  to  say 
that  it  belongs  to  the  asteria,  for  that  is  a  little,  yellow,  greedy, 
filthy  despicable  reptile ;)  but  we  do  not  learn  from  this 


72  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

what  the  proprium  of  the  animal  is  in  a  logical  sense,  and 
still  less  what  is  its  differentia.  Now,  without  these,  it  is 
impossible  to  judge  whether  there  is  a  convicium  or  not,  for, 
in  a  case  of  this  kind,  which,  sequitur  naturam  delicti^  we 
must  take  them  meliori  sensu^  and  presume  the  comparatio 
to  be  in  melioribus  tantum.  And  I  here  beg  that  the  par- 
ties, and  the  Bar  in  general, — 

Lord  Hermand.*  (Interrupting.) 
Your  Lordship  should  address  yourself  to  the  Chair. 
Lord  Meadowbank,  (resuming.) 
I  say  my  Lord,  I  beg  it  may  be  understood,  that  I  do  not  rest 
my  opinion  upon  the  ground  that  Veritas  convicii  excusat ; 
I  am  clear  that,  although  the  beetle  actually  was  an  Egyptian 
pedicuhis,  it  would  afford  no  relevant  difference,  providing 
the  calling  of  it  so  was  a  convicium,  and  there  my  doubt  lies. 
With  regard  to  the  second  point,  I  am  satisfied  that  the  scara- 
bcBus,  or  beetle  itself,  has  not  persona  standi  injudicio,  and 
therefore  the  pursuer  cannot  insist  in  the  name  of  the  scara- 
bcBus,  or  for  his  behoof.  If  the  action  lies  at  all,  it  must  be  at 
the  instance  of  the  pursuer  himself,  as  the  verus  dominus  of 
the  scarabceus,  for  being  calumniated  through  the  convicium 
directed  primarily  against  the  animal  standing  in  that  relation 
to  him.  Now,  abstracting  from  the  qualification  of  an  actual 
dominium  which  is  not  alleged,  I  have  great  doubt  whether 
a  mere  convicium  is  necessarily  transmitted  from  one  object 
to  another,  through  the  relation  of  a  dominium  subsisting  be- 
tween them,  and  if  not  necessarily  transmissible,  we  must  see 
the  principles  of  its  actual  transmission  here,  and  that  has  not 
yet  been  pointed  out. 

*  Lord  Hermand,  who  bad  a  personal  dislike  to  his  brother  Judge,  used  to 
interrupt  him  upon  all  occasions,  and  some  scenes  are  yet  recollected  amusing 
enough,  but  not  exactly  calculated  for  exhibition  in  a  Court  of  Justice.  Her- 
mand was  uniformly  the  aggressor — *'  Macer,"  quoth  Meadowbank,  in  the 
course  of  his  speech  one  day — "  Open  that  window."  A  few  minutes  had  barely 
elapsed,  when  taking  advantage  of  a  pause,  Hermand  roared  out,  "  Macer,  shut 
*'  that  window."  Then  came  an  order  to  shut, — then  to  open,  and  so  on,  to  the 
infinite  amusement  of  the  Bar,  but  horror  of  the  Bench.  After  the  separation 
of  the  Court  into  Divisions,  these  scenes  were  put  an  end  to,  by  Lord  Hermand 
being  placed  in  the  First,  and  Lord  Meadowbank  in  the  Second  Division. 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  73 

Lord  Hermand.* 

We  heard  a  little,  my  Lords,  ago,  that  this  is  a  difficult 
case.  I  have  not  been  fortunate  enough,  for  my  part,  to  find 
out  where  the  difficulty  lies.  Will  any  man  presume  to  tell 
me  that  a  beetle  is  not  a  beetle, — that  a  louse  is  not  a  louse  ? 
I  never  saw  the  petitioner's  beetle,  and  what" s  more,  I  don''t 
care  whether  I  ever  see  it  or  no;  but  I  suppose  it's  like  other 
beetles,  and  that's  enough  for  me. 

But,  my  Lords,  I  know  the  other  reptile  well.  I  have  seen 
them,  my  Lords.  I  have  felt  them  ever  since  I  was  a  child  in 
my  mother's  arms ;  and  my  mind  tells  me,  that  nothing  but 
the  deepest  and  blackest  malice,  rankling  in  the  human  breast, 
could  have  suggested  this  comparison,  or  led  any  man  to  form 
a  thought  so  injurious  and  insulting.  But,  my  Lords,  there 
is  more  here  than  all  that, — a  great  deal  more.  One  would 
think  the  defender  could  have  gratified  his  spite  to  the  full  by 
comparing  the  beetle  to  a  common  louse,  an  animal  sufficiently 
vile  and  abominable  for  the  purpose  of  defamation. — [Shut 
that  door  there.]  He  adds,  my  Lords,  the  epithet,  Egyptian. 
I  know  well  what  he  means  by  that  epithet, — he  means,  my 
Lord,  a  louse  that  has  fattened  in  the  head  of  a  gipseij  or 
tinkler^  undisturbed  by  the  comb,  and  unmolested  in  the  en- 
joyment of  its  natural  filth.  He  means  a  louse  ten  times 
larger,  and  ten  times  more  abominable  than  those  with  which 
your  Lordship  and  I  are  familiar.  The  petitioner  asks  re- 
dress for  this  injury,  so  atrocious  and  so  aggravated,  and  as 
far  as  my  voice  goes,  he  shall  not  ask  it  in  vain. 

Lord  Craig. 
I  am  of  the  opinion  last  delivered.     It  appears  to  me  slan- 
derous and  calumnious  to  compare  a  Diamond  Beetle  to  the 
filthy  and   mischievous   animal  libelled.     By  an  Egyptian 
Louse,  I  understand  one  that  has  been  found  in  the  head  of 


•   Lord  Hermand,  though  positive  and  absurd,   was  an  excellent  lawyer, 
a  better-hearted  or  more  honourable  man  never  breathed. 


74  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

a  native  Egyptian, — a  race  of  men  who,  after  degenerating  for 
many  centuries,  have  sunk  at  last  into  the  abyss  of  depravity, 
in  consequence  of  having  been  subjugated  a  time  by  the 
French.  I  do  not  find  that  Turgot  or  Condorcet  or  the  rest 
of  the  Economists  ever  reckoned  the  combings  of  the  head  a 
specious  of  productive  labour.  I  conclude,  therefore,  that 
wherever  French  principles  have  been  propagated,  lice  grew 
to  an  immoderate  size,  especially  in  a  warm  climate  like 
that  of  Egypt.  I  shall  only  add  that  we  ought  to  be  sensible 
of  the  blessing  we  enjoy  under  a  free  and  happy  constitution 
where  lice  and  men  live  under  the  restraint  of  equal  laws, 
the  only  equality  that  can  exist  in  a  well  regulated  state. 

Lord  Polkejumet. 

It  should  be  observed,  my  Lord,  that  what  is  called  a  Beetle, 
is  a  reptile  very  well  known  in  this  country.  I  have  seen 
mony  ane  o'  them  on  Drumshorlie  Moor.  It  is  a  little  black 
beasty  about  the  size  of  my  thumb  nail.  The  country  people 
ca'  them  clocks,  and  I  believe  they  ca'  them  also  maggy  wi' 
the  mony  feet,  but  this  is  not  the  least  like  ony  louse  ever 
I  saw,  so  that  in  my  opinion,  though  the  defender  may  have 
made  a  blunder  through  ignorance  in  comparing  them,  there 
does  not  seem  to  have  been  any  animus  injuriandi.  There- 
fore, I  am  for  refusing  the  petition,  my  Lords. 

Lord  Balmuto. 
Am*  for  refusing  the  petition.  There  is  more  lice  than 
beetles  in  Fife,  they  call  beetles  clocks  there.  I  thought 
when  I  read  the  Petition  that  the  Beetle  or  Bittle  had  been 
the  thing  that  women  have  when  they  are  washing  towels  or 
napery  with,  and  things  for  dadding  them  with,  and  I  see  the 

•  This  word  was  uniformly  pronounced  by  his  Lordship,  aum.  Lord  Balmuto, 
though  a  worthy  man,  was  not  exactly  the  beau  ideal  of  a  judge.  He  and 
Hermand  were  amongst  the  last  of  the  old  school,  and  many  judicial  exhibitions 
of  these  individuals  were  infinitely  more  amusing  than  even  the  drolleries  of  a 
Liston,  or  the  fun  of  a  Grimaldi. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  75 

Petitioner  is  a  Jeweller  till  his  trade,  and  I  thought  he  had 
made  one  of  these  Bittles,  and  set  it  all  round  with  Dia- 
monds, and  I  thought  it  a  foolish  and  extravagant  idea,  and 
I  can  see  no  resemblance  it  could  have  to  a  louse.  But  I 
find  I  was  mistaken  my  Lord,  and  I  find  its  only  a  Beetle 
Clock  the  Petitioner  has,  but  my  opinion's  the  same  it  was 
before.  I  say,  my  Lord,  I  am  for  refusing  the  Petition,  I 
say. 

Lord  Woodhouselee.* 
There  is  a  case  abridged  in  the  third  Volume  of  the  Dic- 
tionary of  Decisions,  Chalmers  v.  Douglas,  in  which  it  was 
found  that  Veritas  convicii  eoocusat^  which  may  be  rendered 
more  literally,  but  in  a  free  and  spirited  manner  according  to 
the  most  approved  principles  of  translation,  "  the  truth  of  a 
"  calumny  affords  a  relevant  defence."  If,  therefore,  it  be  the 
law  of  Scotland,  which  I  am  clearly  of  opinion  it  is,  that  the 
truth  of  a  calumny  affords  a  relevant  defence,  and  if  it  be  like- 
wise that  the  Diamond  Beetle  is  really  an  Egyptian  Louse, 
I  am  rather  inclined  to  conclude,  (tho'  certainly  the  case  is 
attended  with  difficulty,)  that  the  Defender  ought  to  be  as- 
soilzied.    Refuse. 

Lord  Justice-Clerk,  (Rae.) 
I  am  very  well  acquainted  with  the  Defender  in  this  ac- 
tion, and  have  respect  for  him,  and  esteem  him  likewise.  I 
know  him  to  be  a  skilful  and  expert  Surgeon,  and  also  a  good 
man,  and  I  would  do  a  great  deal  to  serve  him,  or  be  of 
use  to  him  if  I  had  it  in  my  power  to  do  so,  but  I  think  on 
this  occasion  he  has  spoken  rashly,  and  I  fear  foolishly  and 
improperly.  I  hope  he  had  no  bad  intention.  I  am  sure 
he  had  not.  But  the  Petitioner,  (for  whom  I  have  also  a 
great  respect,  because  I  knew  his  father  who  was  a  respect- 
able baker  in  Edinburgh,  and  supplied  my  family  with  bread, 

*  Author  of  the  Memoirs  of  Lord  Kames,  Essay  on  the  Life  and  Writings  o£ 
Petrarch,  Essay  on  the  Principles  of  Translation,  &c. 


76  COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND. 

and  veVy  good  bread  it  was,  and  for  which  his  accounts 
were  regularly  discharged,)  has  a  Clock  or  a  Beetle,  I  think 
it  is  called  a  Diamond  Beetle,  which  he  is  very  fond  of, 
and  has  a  fancy  for,  and  the  Defender  has  compared  it  to 
a  louse,  or  a  bug,  or  a  flea,  or  some  thing  of  that  kind,  with 
a  view  to  render  it  despicable  and  ridiculous,  and  the  Peti- 
tioner so  likewise,  as  the  owner  of  it.  It  is  said  that  the 
beast  is  a  louse  in  fact,  and  that  the  Veritas  convicii  exmtsat, 
and  mention  is  made  of  the  case  of  Chalmers  and  Douglas.* 
I  have  always  a  great  veneration  for  the  decisions  of  your 
Lordships,  and  I  am  sure  will  always  continue  to  have  while 
I  sit  here,  but  that  case  was  determined  by  a  very  small  ma- 
jority, and  I  have  heard  your  Lordships  mention  it  on  vari- 


*  See  a  report  of  the  case,  Fae.  Collection,  February  22,  1785.  It  was  an 
action  brought  by  Mrs.  Elizabeth  Chalmers,  widow  of  Archibald  Scott,  surgeon 
in  Musselburgh,  against  Helen  Douglas,  the  spouse  of  James  Baillie,  Esquire,  of 
Olivebank,  for  defamation.  From  the  evidence  adduced,  it  was  clearly  established, 
that  Mrs.  Baillie  had,  at  various  times,  and  at  various  places,  accused  Mrs. 
Scott  of  incontinence,  and  the  question  came  to  be,  whether  a  proof  of  the  truth 
of  the  allegation  was  allowable.  The  Commissaries  found  it  was  not,  but  the 
jmlgment  was  altered  by  the  Court,  and  it  was  held  that  Mrs.  Baillie  should 
be  allowed  a  proof  of  all  such  averments  as  clearly  involved  guilt,  but  that,  in  hoc 
statu,  it  would  be  unjust  to  allow  evidence  to  be  taken  of  trifling  or  equivocal 
incidents,  although  such  might  eventually  be  received  to  fill  up  the  measure  of 
evidence.  Mrs.  Baillie  gave  in  a  condescendence,  which  contained  some  very 
singular  averments.  One  of  the  allegations,  Article  10th,  oflTered  to  be 
proved,  is  too  curious  to  be  overlooked  ;  it  is  as  follows. — ♦'  The  common  people 
of  Scotland  entertained  a  foolish  idea,  that  a  pudding  or  haggies  put  among 
boiling  water  will  burst,  unless  the  name  of  cuckold  is  pronounced  at  the  time  of 
its  immersion.  Now,  the  defender  offers  to  prove,  that  so  strong  and  so 
general  was  the  understanding  of  the  common  people  in  Musselburgh  and  its 
neighbourhood,  that  the  name  of  Doctor  Scott  had  originally  acquired,  and 
continued  to  preserve  this  virtue,  by  the  conduct  of  the  pursuer,  that  down  to  the 
day  of  his  death,  it  \<-as  invoked  by  the  good  house- wives  of  that  neighbourhood, 
when  in  the  course  of  domestic  economy  a  haggies  or  pudding  happened  to  be 
boiled."  This,  and  various  other  allegations,  having  been  rejected  by  the  Court, 
and  the  proof  lirtiiled  to  actual  acts  of  incontinency,  Mrs.  Baillie  appealed,  but 
the  judgment  of  the  Court  below  was  affirmed,  6th  April  1785.  After  some 
farther  litigation,  Mrs.  Baillie  was  found  liable  in  damages  and  expenses,  which 
was  just  what  she  deserved.  The  case  excited  great  interest  at  the  time,  from 
the  parties  being  well  known  in  Edinburgh. 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  77 

ous  occasions,  and  you  have  always  desiderated  the  propriety 
of  it,  and  I  think  have  departed  from  it  in  some  instances.  I 
remember  the  circumstances  of  the  case  well.  Helen  Chalmers 
lived  in  Musselburgh,  and  the  Defender,  Mrs.  Baillie,  lived 
in  Fisherrow,  and  at  that  time  there  was  much  intercourse 
between  the  genteel  inhabitants  of  Musselburgh  and  Fisher- 
row, and  Inveresk,  and  likewise  Newbigging,  and  there  were 
balls  and  dances  or  assemblies  every  fortnight,  and  also  some- 
times, I  believe,  every  week,  and  there  were  likewise  card 
assemblies  once  a  fortnight  or  oftener,  and  the  young  folk 
danced  there  also,  and  others  played  at  cards,  and  there  were 
various  refreshments  such  as  tea  or  coffee,  and  butter  and 
bread,  and  I  believe,  but  I  am  not  certain,  porter  and  negus, 
and  likewise  small  beer,  and  it  was  at  one  of  these  assemblies 
that  Mrs.  Baillie  called  Mrs.  Chalmers  a  whore  or  an  adul- 
tress,  and  said  she  had  lain  with  Commissioner  Cardonnel,* 
a  gentleman  whom  I  knew  very  well  at  one  time,  and  had  a 
great  respect  for, — he  is  dead  many  years  ago, — and  Mrs.  Chal- 
mers brought  an  action  of  defamation  against  her  before  the 
Commissioners,  and  it  came  by  advocation  into  this  Court, 
and  your  Lordship  allowed  a  proof  of  the  Veritas  convicii, 
and  it  lasted  a  long  time,  and  in  the  end  answered  no  good 
purpose  even  to  the  Defender  herself,  while  it  did  much  harm 
to  the  character  of  the  Pursuer.  I  am,  therefore,  for  refus- 
ing such  a  proof  in  this  case,  and  I  think  the  Petitioner  and 
his  Beetle  have  been  slandered,  and  the  Petition  ought  to  be 
seen. 

Lord  Methven. 
If  I  understand  the  Interlocutor,  it  is  not  said  that  the 

*  Mansfield  Cardonnel,  Esquire,  one  of  the  Commissioners  of  the  Customs, 
who  had  a  residence  in  Musselburgh.  He  was  a  married  man  at  the  period  of  the 
alleged  intercourse,  which  was  represented  as  having  taken  place  so  far  back  as  the 
year  1748.  This  gentleman  is  said  to  have  been  the  father  of  Adam  Cardonnel, 
Esq.  known  to  the  Scotish  Antiquary  as  the  author  of  a  series  of  descriptions  of  an- 
cient buildings  in  Scotland,  illustrated  by  etchings,  and  who  afterwards  succeeded 
to  an  estate  in  the  north  of  England,  and  changed  his  name  to  Lawson. 


78  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

E-a-a-gyptian  lice  are  Beetles,  but  that  they  may  be  or  re- 
semble Beetles. 

I  am,  therefore,  for  sending  the  Process  to  the  Ordinary 
to  ascertain  that  fact,  as  I  think  it  depends  upon  that  whether 
there  be  a.-a.-2L-conviciuvi  or  not.  I  think  also  that  the  Peti- 
tioner should  be  ordained  to  a-a-a-produce  his  Beetle,  and  the 
a-a-a-Defender  an  Egyptian  Louse,  and  if  he  has  not  one,  he 
should  take  a  diligence  to  a-a-a-recover  lice  of  various  kinds, 
and  that  these  be  remitted  to  Dr.  Monro  or  a-a-Mr.  Playfair, 
or  to  some  other  Naturalist  to  report  upon  the  subject. — - 
Agreed  to. 


XVI. 

QUESTION  OF  COMPETITION,  KESWICK  v.  ULLSWATER. 

Generally  ascribed  to  the  same  accomplished  Gentleman  to  whose  pen  we  are 
indebted  for  the  report  of  the  Diamond  Beetle  case. 

In  a  competition  amongst  the  Lakes  of  Cumberland  and 
Westmoreland,  after  sustaining  the  preferable  claim  of  Win- 
dermere, it  came  to  be  disputed,  whether  Kyswick  ought  to 
be  preferred  secundo  loco,  or  brought  in  pari  passu  with 
Ullswater. 

Pleaded  for  Kyswick, — Primo,  This  piece  of  water  is 
circular,  and  retains  the  form  of  a  lake  in  every  point  of  view. 
On  the  contrary,  Ullswater  is  narrow  and  winding,  and  it 
deceives  the  spectator,  by  assuming  the  appearance  of  a  river. 
Ifs  claim  to  beauty  ought  therefore  to  be  repelled,  as  founded 
upon  a  simulate  right;  and  although  a  broad  expanse  of 
water  is  often  less  interesting  than  a  contracted  stream,  yet 
this  is  not  the  case  where  there  is  evidently  dolus  dans 
causam  contractui. 

Secundo  et  separatim. — From  the  top  of  Skiddaw,  the 
first  object  that  arrests  the  attention  is  Kyswick,  with  its 
surrounding  vale,  and  its  triti  juris,  that  arrestments  are 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  79 

preferable  according  to  their  dates.     Erskine,  B.  Ill,  tit.  6, 
§18. 

Tertio,  The  islands  in  this  lake  are  more  numerous  and 
varied,  and  some  of  them  are  covered  with  fine  wood,  not  a 
sylva  cadua,  like  that  on  Ullswater,  but  grown  timber, 
which  could  not  be  cut  by  a  liferenter,  even  if  he  were  infeft 
cum  sylvis,  though  perhaps  he  might  use  it  to  keep  the  houses 
in  a  habitable  condition. — 26th  July  1737.  Fergusson. 
C.  Home. 

Lastly,  The  distant  mountains  are  more  magnificent,  and 
they  disclose,  in  the  back-ground,  more  picturesque  and  ro- 
mantic scenes,  particularly  in  the  pass  of  Borrowdale,  to- 
wards the  black-lead  or  wad  mines,  all  of  which  are  to  be 
held  part  and  pertinent  of  Kyswick,  according  to  the  maxim 
accessorium  seqiiitur  principale. 

In  support  of  the  argument,  various  authorities  may  be 
referred  to.  Gray's  Letters,  p.  18;  Gilpin's  Tour,  p.  39. 
And  so  it  was  decided  by  Mr.  Avison,  organist  of  Durham, 
30th  June  1772,  who  pronounced  the  following  judgment : — 
'«  This  is  beauty  lying  in  the  lap  of  horrors."" 

Answered  for  Ullswater, — Nothing  can  be  more  formal 
and  insipid  than  the  figure  of  Kyswick,  which  is  almost  an 
exact  circle,  while  this  lake  resembles  the  letter  S,  which  is 
the  true  line  of  beauty  ;  nor  can  it  be  mistaken  for  a  river, 
because  it  does  not  flow  et  rivus  est  locus  per  longitudinem 
depressus  quo  aqua  decurrat  cut  nomen  est  a  nofs^u*  id  est 
ajluendo. — Dig.  lib.  43,  tit.  21,  1.  1,  §  2.  De  rivis.  Be- 
sides, in  point  of  size,  it  equals  or  exceeds  Kyswick,  and  the 
quantity  of  water  in  the  one  may  be  set  off  against  that  in 
the  other,  which,  it  will  not  be  disputed,  is  a  compensatio  de 
liquido  in  liquidum. 

Secundo,  The  solitude  that  reigns  along  the  bold  and  pre- 
cipitous shore  of  Ullswater,  is  peculiarly  romantic  and  pleas- 
ing, for,  amidst  a  scene  of  broken  banks,  one  naturally  looks 
for  a  sequestration^  but  the  sides  of  Kyswick  are  covered 


80  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

with  houses,  and  if  two  lovers  had  an  assignation  there,  it 
would  soon  be  intimated  all  over  the  country. 

Tertio,  As  to  the  islands, —  Vicar's  Island  spoils  the  effect 
of  the  rest,  for  it  is  covered  with  corn  fields^  which  are  cer- 
tainly out  of  place  there,  corn  being  parsonage^  and  not 
vicarage.  Forbes  on  Teinds,  p.  39-  Not  to  mention  that 
its  banks  are  quite  deformed  by  Mr.  Pocklington's  fortifica- 
tions, 1.  1,  §  6.     De  ripa  monien,  &c. 

Lastly,  It  is  impossible  to  enter  Borrowdale  with  personal 
security,  from  the  suspension  of  loose  rocks  which  are  con- 
stantly tumbling  down,  so  that  few  travellers  have  orderly 
proceeded  to  the  top  of  it,  whatever  diligence  they  may  have 
used.  Besides,  the  wad  mines  are  in  lease,  and  therefore 
form  a  proper  wadset,  which  has  nothing  to  do  with  the 
lake. 

With  regard  to  the  authorities  cited,  the  organist  Avison 
was  an  inferior  judge^  and  not  competent  to  decide  the  ques- 
tion, being  in  the  special  service  of  the  Bishop  of  Durham, 
and  proceeding  to  Carlisle  in  a  retour. 

Replied  for  Kyswick.  The  fertility  of  Vicar's  Island  is 
in  its  favour,  and  the  beauty  of  the  scene  will  be  increased 
quantum  locupletior  facta,  while  the  islands  of  Ullswater 
are  denuded,  not  only  of  trees,  but  of  grass,  and  even  the 
goats  on  them  have  been  allowed  a  separate  aliment.  Mr. 
Pocklington''s  buildings  have  done  no  harm  et  domum  suam 
rejicere  unicuique  licet,  1.  61,  d.  De  reg.  besides  they  afe  nova 
opera,  which  will  look  better  when  the  lime  is  blackened  by 
the  weather. 

Duplied  for  Ullswater. — It  will  never  improve,  quod  ab 
initio  vitiosum,  &c 

The  travellers  preferred  Kyswick  by  their  first  interlocu- 
tor, but  a  second  bottle  being  presented  and  discussed,  they 
could  see  no  difference  between  them,  a^nd  found  accordingly. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  81 

XVII. 

LITERARY  INTELLIGENCE  EXTRAORDINARY. 

Proposals  for  publishing  by  subscription,  a  new,  elegant,  and 
splendid  edition  of  the  Decisions  of  the  Court  of  Session 
on  the  plan  of,  but  greatly  superior  to,  the  celebrated 
editions  of  Shakespeare,  Milton,  Hume,  and  Thomson. 

CONDITIONS. 

1.  This  work  will  be  comprised  in  one  hundred  volumes 
huge  folio,  at  the  moderate  price,  to  subscribers,  of  fifty 
guineas  each  volume,  and  as  only  20,000  copies  are  meant  to 
be  thrown  off,  the  price  to  non-subscribers  will  probably  be 
greatly  raised. 

2.  It  will  be  printed  on  a  superfine  wire-wove  double 
atlas  paper,  about  5  feet  long,  by  3  feet  broad,  made  on  pur- 
pose, and  with  an  elegant  new  silver  type,  cast  for  the  occa- 
sion, and  never  to  be  used  again. 

3.  It  will  be  ornamented  with  five  hundred  most  exquisite 
copperplates  of  the  subjects  expressed  in  the  work,  nicely 
chosen,  painted  by  the  first-rate  artists,  and  engraven  by  the 
most  eminent  masters. 

4.  The  first  volume  will  contain  the  form  of  process,  be- 
ginning from  the  first  rudiments  of  the  business,  and  advan- 
cing to  the  final  consummation  in  the  victory  of  our  party, 
and  the  mortification  of  the  other. 

5.  Every  separate  decision  will  be  adorned  with  a  vignette, 
descriptive  of  the  subject,  and  a  tail-piece  exhibiting  the  con- 
sequences of  the  determination  to  the  contending  parties. 

6.  When  the  book  is  finished,  all  the  pictures  painted  for 
the  work  will  be  given  to  the  public  in  the  following  man- 
ner : — The  Parliament  House  will  be  stuck  as  full  of  them  as 
it  can  hold. — Part  of  the  remainder  will  be  sent  to  the 
Council  Chamber,  and  part  to  ornament  the  walls  of  the  new 

6 


82  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Bridewell,  and  to  furnish  to  the  inhabitants  proper  lessons  of 
distributive  justice. 


To  THE  Public. 

The  rapid  progress  of  Scotland  in  some  of  the  Fine  Arts 
has  long  been  evident,  but  hitherto  our  proficiency  in  en- 
graving and  printing  has  not  been  altogether  so  publicly 
manifested  as  many  patriotic  North  Britons  could  have 
wished.  The  present  publication  will,  it  is  hoped,  exhibit 
to  all  the  world  such  proofs  of  the  taste,  genius,  and  refine- 
ment of  Caledonians,  as  must  leave  at  an  immense  distance 
every  puny  competitor.  The  splendid  publications  of  a 
neighbouring  nation  have  been  mostly  confined  to  works  of 
amusement, — in  this  we  claim  the  honour  of  blending  the 
utile  with  the  dulce.  Of  the  eminence  of  the  artists  to  be 
employed,  the  public  may  be  satisfied  upon  the  words  of  the 
publishers.  Of  the  subjects  to  be  selected,  they  will  judge 
for  themselves  from  the  following  specimen  of  a  few,  and  let 
the  connoisseurs  decide,  whether  they  are  not  equally  calcu- 
lated to  enforce  and  illustrate  the  ideas  of  the  work,  as  those 
introduced  into  the  new  editions  of  Shakspeare  and  Hume. 

1.  A  superb  frontispiece,  the  idea  taken  from  iEsop,  the 
monkey  deciding  the  property  of  an  oyster,  by  giving  each 
competitor  a  shell,  and  taking  the  meat  for  his  own  part. 

2.  An  affecting  representation  of  a  bar-keeper  shutting  the 
outer-house  door  in  the  face  of  a  writer's  clerk,  who  has  not 
paid  him  the  dues. 

3.  Three  lawyer's  clerks  boxing  petitions. 

4.  A  judge  retiring  to  the  water-closet. 

5.  A  picturesque  view  of  a  lawyer  putting  on  his  gown, 
and  adjusting  his  wig. 

6.  A  spirited  sketch  of  the  macer  calling  silence. 

7.  Young  writers  examining  the  suspension  rolls. 

8.  Outer-house  hearings  interrupted  by  the  ringing  of  the 
inner-house  bell. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  83 

These  are  a  few  of  the  subjects  of  the  plates  intended  to 
enrich  this  invaluable  work.  The  public  may  be  assured,  that 
all  the  others  are  selected  with  equal  taste,  and  exhibit  sub- 
jects not  less  striking  and  interesting  than  those  now  spe- 
cified. 


XVIII. 
SONG, 

BY  WILLIAM  ERSKINE,  ESQ.  ADVOCATE. 

William  Erskine,  afterwards  Lord  Kinneder,  was  the  son  of  the  Reverend  Wil- 
liam Erskine,  Minister  of  Muthil, — he  was  admitted  Advocate  in  1790,  was 
appointed  Sheriff- Depute  of  Orkney  6th  June  1809,  and  promoted  to  the 
Bench,  on  the  resignation  of  Lord  Balmuto,  on  the  29th  January  1822 ; — he 
died  on  the  14th  of  August  following; — he  was  the  intimate  friend  of  Sir 
Walter  Scott,  and  author  of  several  small  poems,  amongst  which  are  Sup- 
plementary Verses  to  Collins'  Ode  on  the  Superstitions  of  the  Highlands,  which 
possess  great  poetical  merit. 

1. 

O  say  not  Cynthia,  maid  divine  ! 
That  vain  our  vows  must  ever  prove, 
That  far  from  thee  I  still  must  pine, 
For  fortune  is  the  foe  of  love. 
And  blissful  dreams  and  visions  bright. 
Ah  !  yield  not  to  the  fiend  despair. 
Nor  dash  with  shades  of  deepest  night. 
The  scenes  our  fancy  form'd  so  fair. 
Far,  far  from  hollow  splendor  flee. 
And  live  with  innocence  and  me. 

2. 

Come,  view  the  vale,  my  peerless  maid. 
Where  lost  to  all  but  thee  I  dwell. 
Where  nature's  beauties  deck  the  shade 
That  hides  thy  lover's  lowly  cell. 


84  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND^ 

See,  peace,  the  cherub,  wanders  here. 
See,  independence  guards  my  store. 
And  truth,  and  hope,  and  love  are  here, 
My  Cynthia  can'st  thou  wish  for  more  ? 
Then  haste  from  hollow  splendor  flee, 
And  dwell  with  innocence  and  me. 


XVIII. 

PARODY  ON  THE  PRECEDING, 

BY  GEORGE  CRANSTON,  ESQ.  LORD  COREHOUSE. 

1. 

O  say  not  William,  youth  divine. 
In  vain  your  company  I  seek. 
That  far  from  me  to-day  you  dine, 
Tho'  you  were  ask'd  on  Thursday  week. 
Your  leisure  hours,  your  eves  of  rest, 
O  give  not  to  some  stupid  drone. 
Nor  be  the  dull  Dunsinnan's*  guest. 
For  you  had  better  yawn  alone. 
Far,  far  from  Lords  of  Session  flee. 
And  dine  with  Thomson,  t  and  with  me. 

•  Sir  William  Nairn,  Bart.  Lord  Dunsinnan, — his  Lordship  was  admitted 
advocate  lllh  March  1755,  maile  a  Lord  of  Session  9th  March  1786,  and  of 
Justiciary,  24th  December  1792.  He  resigned  the  latter  appointment  in  1808, 
the  former  in  1809,  and  died  at  Dunsinnan  House  on  the  20th  of  March 
1811.  He  was  uncle  of  the  celebrated  Katherine  Nairn,  who  was  convicted, 
14th  August  1768,  of  being  art  and  part  guilty  with  her  brother-in-law.  Lieu- 
tenant Patrick  Ogilvie,  of  the  murder  of  her  husband,  Thomas  Ogilvie  of  East- 
miln,  as  also  of  an  incestuous  intercourse  with  her  said  brother-in-law.  She,  (by 
her  uncle's  assistance,  as  was  reported,)  escaped  from  prison,  and  thus  avoided  the 
gallows;  but  her  paramour  was  executed.  In  a  Magazine  for  J 777  she  is  said 
to  have  taken  refuge  in  a  Convent  at  Lisle,  '•  a  sincere  penitent." 

f  Thomas  Thomson,  Esq.  Deputy-Clerk-Register,  and  one  of  the  Principal 
Clerks  of  Session. 


\'^ 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  85 


Come,  view  the  meal^  my  peerless  blade. 
Which  Annie's  gentle  cares  afford. 
Two  chickens  from  the  Cowgate  head. 
To  grace  your  George's  simple  board, — 
And  peas, —  the  pudding  crowns  my  cheer, — 
Potatoes  purchas'd  at  the  door. 
And  greens,  and  tarts,  and  ham,  are  here, — 
•  My  William  can'st  thou  wish  for  more  ? 

Then  haste,  from  Lords  of  Session  flee. 
And  dine  with  Thomson  and  with  me. 

XIX. 

VERSES 

TO  GEORGE  PACKWOOD,  ESQ.  BY  GEORGE  CRANSTON,  ESQ. 
LORD  COREHOUSE. 

The  Barber's  Song. 

Packwood's  Paste,  Sir,  and  Strop, 
I  adopt  in  my  shop ; 

Hunting  razors  come  as  pat  as  they  can : 
Mark  well  the  Cutler's  fears. 
When  tailors  whet  their  sheers 

On  Packwood's  razor  strop — he's  your  man  ! 

What  says  the  Cutler  ?  *'  Humphry,  lay  aside  the  stone,  this  new  invention 
may  save  us  trouble  of  grinding."  The  counting-house  penknife,  whetted  on 
one  of  Packwood's  strops,  will  experience  a  positive  proof  of  their  superior  ex- 
cellence, and  give  a  keen  edge  to  a  razor,  to  shave  to  admiration.  Hunting 
razors  secured  with  a  guard,  to  prevent  cutting.  To  prove  their  safety  a  gentle- 
man has  shaved  with  one  of  them  on  horseback, — an  acquisition  to  timid  shavers, 
or  those  troubled  with  a  nervous  complaint;  Price  £2,  12s.  6d.  The  razors  are 
sold  by  Mr.  Packwood,  London,  and  Mr.  Raeburn,  Edinburgh,  &c.  &c. 


Packwood  was  the  inventor  of  a  well-known  strop  for  sharpening  razors.     Like 

'    the  Warrens  and  Rowlands  of  the  present  day,  the  newspapers  teemed  with 

his  puffs.     He  is  said  to  have   kept  in  his  pay  a  poet,   to  chaunt  his  praises 

and  sing  poems  in  honour  of  the  immortal  strop.     In  1796,   he  published 

a  collected  edition  of  these  invaluable  morceaux,  under  the  title  of  '*  Pack- 


86  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

wood's  Whim, — the  Goldfinch's  nest,  or  the  Way  to  get  Money  and  be 
Happy,"  containing  a  copious  collection  of  his  diverting  advertisements,  with 
useful  observations,  &c.  to  which  he  prefixed  his  portrait.  Of  the  merits  of 
this  now  rare  production,  one  or  two  specimens  may  suffice. — 

Extempore, 
On  Packwood's  Razor  Strop. 

Sans  doubte,  Mr.  Packwood,  your  elegant  Strops, 

Are  the  best  that  e'er  mortal  invented : 
We  have  nothing  to  do  but  to  lather  our  chops. 

The  razor  soon  makes  us  contented. 

Surely  Magic  herself  has  been  lending  her  aid, 

To  assist  in  the  brilliant  invention  ; 
And  the  fam'd  composition  you  also  have  made, 

Should  assuredly  gain  you  a  pension. 

Packwood's  Cokundrums. 
Why  is  Packwood's  paste  unlike  the  stocks  ? 
Because  it  never  falls,  but  always  rises  in  the  public  opinion. 

Why  is  Packwood's  shop  unlike  the  present  lottery  ? 
Because  every  purchaser  draws  a  prize. 

Electioneering  Intelligence. 

George  Packwood,  Esq.  we  hear,  is  returned  for  the  County  of  Strop,  with 
very  little  opposition. 

Manhood's  honors  on  my  chin. 

Always  rough,  and  tough,  and  black,  would 

Agonize  my  tender  skin. 

Till  I'd  heard  of  peerless  Packwood. 

0  how  terrible  to  shave  ! 

How  it  put  me  to  the  rack  would, 

1  would  soon  have  seen  my  grave, 
Had  not  heaven  created  Packwood. 

Barbers  of  celebrity. 

At  my  visage  hew  and  hack  would. 

Like  a  great  church  bible,  I 

Was  adorn'd  with  cuts,  my  Packwood. 

Torture  me  their  razors  blunt, — 

Torture  worse  their  ceaseless  clack  would, — 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


87 


Hence,  for  other  victims  hunt, 

I  dismiss  you, — thanks  to  Pack  wood. 

Oft  a  ragged  knife,  whose  edge 
Cut  no  better  than  its  back  would. 
On  my  honor's  sacred  pledge, 
I  have  strop'd  on  strop  of  Packwood. 

Every  notch  and  knob  I  soon 
Grind  away  so  smooth  and  smack  would, — 
E're  you  said  Jack  Robinson, 
Synagogues  would  shave,  my  Packwood. 

Thou  hast  publish'd  odes  divine  ; 
Not  the  verses  of  Balzac  would 
Bear  to  be  compar'd  with  thine^ 
Author  of  the  Whim  of  Packwood. 

O  that  Calcott,  since  he  has 

At  composing  glees  a  knack,  would 

Two  sopranos  and  a  bass. 

Set  to  poetry  of  Packwood. 

Though  his  trio,  it  is  true. 
Sold  by  Mr.  Cahusac,  would 
Never  please  the  beardless  crew 
Of  Haymarket  squeakers,  Packwood. 

Village  maids  who  toss  the  hay. 
Village  youths  who  rear  the  stack,  would 
Pour  to  you  the  jocund  lay. 
Kiss  facilitating  Packwood. 

Courted  and  carress'd  no  more. 

Poor  George  Hanger  tread  thy  track  would, 

George,  self-gibbeted  before,* 

Tries  to  cut  his  throat  with  Packwood. 

*  George  Hanger  afterwards  Lord  Coleraine,  in  Ireland,  a  favourite  of  George 

IV.  whilst  Prince  of  Wales He  published  a  life  of  himself,  2  vols.  Lond.  1803, 

8vo,  to  which  he  prefixed  his  own  effigy,  hanging  from  a  gibbet, — a  pictorial 
illustration  of  the  family  name. 


88  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Who  can  trust  his  mucilage. 
Trust  his  leather  never  crack  would, 
George's  wit  has  lost  its  edge, 
Crack'd  his  credit  is  my  Packwood. 

Envy,  hissing  from  her  cave. 
Thy  immortal  fame  attack  would, 
Thou  her  snaky  head  shall  shave. 
With  a  whetted  razor,  Packwood. 

Stung  with  rage  and  jealousy. 
Scandalize  thee  many  a  quack  would  ; 
Never  heed  these  fellows  I 
For  a  moment  will,  my  Packwood. 

Handbills  they  disperse,  but  then 

They  are  useful  when  we would. 

Or  to  wipe  a  razor  clean 
Whetted  on  the  strop  of  Packwood. 

One  Macdonald,  or  MacdufF, 
Or  some  other  Highland  Mac,  would 
Pawn  upon  the  world  his  stuff. 
For  the  genuine  paste  of  Packwood. 

Were  the  Irish  venders  here. 

How  they  soundly  thump  and  thwack  would  ; 

We  have  no  shilelahs  here, 

Scots  are  peaceful  people,  Packwood. 

Pat  has  fury,  Sawney  skill. 
Of  the  two  the  first  I  lack  would  ; 
Don't  you  think  a  lawsuit  will 
Do  his  business  better,  Packwood. 

Raeburn*  begs  that  by  the  mail. 

Of  your  strops  you  send  a  sack  would, 

*  Raeburn,  a  principal  perfumer  in  Edinburgh, 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  89 

Brisk  and  brisker  grows  the  sale 
Every  day,  illustrious  Packwood. 

Fill  a  bumper  to  the  brim, 
I  of  Nantz  or  Cogniac  would 
Pledge  you  three  times  three  to  him. 
Who  employs  the  strop  of  Packwood. 

CTo  the  Editor  of  the  Morning  Post) 

Stanzas  from  a  grateful  Bard, 

Please  insert  in  praise  of  Packwood. 

I  am.  Sir,  with  due  regard. 

Your  most  obedient  servant, — Jack  Wood. 


XX. 

HELVELLYN, 

BY  SIR  WALTER  SCOTT,  Bart, 

In  the  notice  prefixed  to  this  poem  in  Scott's  Poetical  Works,  vol.  6,  p.  370, 
New  Edition,  12mo,  it  is  stated,  that  "  in  the  sprintf  of  1805,  a  young  wentle- 
man  of  talent  and  amiable  disposition,  perished,  by  losing  his  way  in  the 
Mountain  Hellvellyn.  His  remains  were  not  discovered  till  three  months 
afterwards,  when  they  were  found  guarded  by  a  faithful  terrier  bitch,  his  con- 
stant attendant  during  frequent  solitary  rambles  through  the  wilds  of  Cumber- 
land and  Westmoreland."  The  name  of  this  unfortunate  youth  is  not  given; 
but  in  a  note  on  a  copy  in  manuscript,  it  is  said  to  have  been  Charles  Gough. 


I  climb'd  the  dark  brow  of  the  mighty  Helvellyn, 

Lakes  and  mountains  beneath  me  gleam'd  misty  and  wide  ; 

All  was  still,  save  by  fits,  when  the  eagle  was  yelling. 

And  starting  around  me,  the  echoes  replied. 

On  the  right,  Striden-edge  round  the  Red-Tarn  was  bending. 

And  Catchedicam  its  left  verge  was  defending, 

One  huge  nameless  rock  in  the  front  was  ascending. 

When  I  mark'd  the  sad  spot  where  the  wanderer  had  died. 


90  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

2 

Dark  green  was  that  spot  mid  the  hrown  mountain-heather. 
Where  the  Pilgrim  of  Nature  lay  stretch'd  in  decay, 
Like  the  corpse  of  an  outcast  abandon'd  to  weather. 
Till  the  mountain-winds  wasted  the  tenantless  clay. 
Nor  yet  quite  deserted,  though  lonely  extended. 
For  faithful  in  death,  his  mute  favourite  attended 
The  much-loved  remains  of  her  master  defended. 
And  chaced  the  hill-fox  and  the  raven  away. 

3 

How  long  didst  thou  think  that  his  silence  was  slumber  ? 
When  the  wind  waved  his  garment,  how  oft  didst  thou  start  ? 
How  many  long  days  and  long  nights  didst  thou  number. 
Ere  he  faded  before  thee,  the  friend  of  thy  heart  ? 
And,  oh  !  was  it  meet,  that, — no  requiem  read  o'er  him, — 
No  mother  to  weep,  and  no  friend  to  deplore  him  ; 
And  thou,  little  guardian,  alone  stretch'd  before  him, — 
Unhonour'd  the  Pilgrim  from  life  should  depart  .> 

4 

When  a  Prince  to  the  fate  of  the  Peasant  has  yielded. 

The  tapestry  waves  dark  round  the  dim-lighted  hall ; 

With  scutcheons  of  silver  the  coffin  is  shielded. 

And  pages  stand  mute  by  the  canopied  pall : 

Through  the  courts,  at  deep  midnight,  the  torches  are  gleaming  ; 

In  the  proudly-arch'd  chapel  the  banners  are  beaming ; 

Far  adown  the  long  aisle  sacred  music  is  streaming, 

Lamenting  a  Chief  of  the  people  should  fall. 

5 

But  meeter  for  thee,  gentle  lover  of  nature. 

To  lay  down  thy  head  like  the  meek  mountain  lamb. 

When,  wilder'd,  he  drops  from  some  cliff  huge  in  stature. 

And  draws  his  last  sob  by  the  side  of  his  dam. 

And  more  stately  thy  couch  by  this  desert  lake  lying. 

Thy  obsequies  sung  by  the  grey-plover  flying. 

With  one  faithful  friend  but  to  witness  thy  dying. 

In  the  arms  of  Helvellvn  and  Catchedicam. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  91 

XX. 

PARODY  ON  THE  PRECEDING. 

This  is  said  to  be  the  joint  composition  of  Francis  Jeffrey,  now  Lord  Jeffrey, 
Henry  Cockburn,  now  Lord  Cockburn,  Sir  John  Archibald  Murray,  Knight, 
lately  Lord  Advocate  of  Scotland,  now  a  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Session,  by 
the  title  of  Lord  Murray,  and  John  Richardson,  Esq.  Solicitor  in  London. 
The  two  first  stanzas  are  ascribed  to  Lord  Jeffrey  and  Mr.  Richardson. 

1 

I  climb'd  the  High  Street,  just  as  nine  was  a  ringing. 
The  Macer  to  three  of  his  roll  had  got  on  ; 
And  eager  each  Clerk  on  his  Counsel  was  springing, 
Save  on  thee,  luckless  lawyer,*  who  fee  had  got  none. 

*  Otho  Herman  Wemyss,  Esquire,  admitted  Advocate  17th  Dec.   1755, 

he  was  the  son  of  Mr.  William  Wemyss,  a  respectable  writer  to  the  signet ;  and 
although  a  lawyer  of  no  inconsiderable  talent,  met  with  little  success  at  the  bar. 
He  was  a  staunch  whig,  and  in  old  age,  obtained  the  appointment  of  Sheriff- 
substitute  of  Selkirk;  which  office,  shortly  before  his  death  in  1835,  he  re- 
linquished. While  holding  this  appointment,  he  paid  a  visit  to  Edinburgh, 
during  the  excitement  occasioned  by  the  outcry  against  the  annuity-tax,  and, 
upon  this  occasion,  got  his  liberal  notions  somewhat  shaken.  It  is  well  known 
that  Mr.  Tait  the  bookseller,  who  had  obtained  great  popularity  as  a  leading  mem- 
ber of  the  radical  party,  was,  upon  his  refusal  to  pay  the  obnoxious  tax,  sent  to  the 
Calton  Jail,  and  his  progress  there,  partook  more  of  a  triumphal  procession  than 
an  incarceration  for  non-payment  of  taxes.  Poor  Otho  was  sauntering  along 
Waterloo  Place,  and  had  got  almost  opposite  to  the  Calton  Jail,  when  he  was 
surrounded  by  the  mob  assembled  on  this  memorable  occasion.  A  cheer  was 
given  for  Mr.  Tait,  and  one  of  the  illustrious  unwashed,  insisted  that  the  sheriff 
should  doff  his  beaver,  and  join  in  the  acclamation.  Otho,  who  thought  the 
better  part  of  valour  was  discretion,  did  as  he  was  bid,  and  shouted  loudly, 
*♦  Tait  for  ever."  The  stranger,  delighted  with  the  enthusiasm  displayed,  swore 
eternal  friendship,  and  as  embracing  amongst  men  is  not  relished  in  this  country, 
insisted  on  shaking  hands  with  so  worthy  a  citizen.  This  boon  was  conceded, 
and  the  ancient  patriot's  fingers  received  so  fervent  a  pressure,  that  they  tingled 
for  some  time  afterwards.  The  mysterious  anti-annuitant  then  beat  a  retreat, 
and  when  the  judge  had  recovered  from  the  thrilling  emotions  produced  by  the 
affectionate  squeeze,  he  discovered  that  his  new  friend  had  removed  from  one  of 
his  digits,  a  valuable  seal  ring.  This,  he  undubitably  had  taken  away  from  no 
sordid  motive  but  as  a  memorial  of  the  veneration  in  which  he  held  his  prose- 
lyte, and  as  a  pledge  of  fraternization.  Otho,  who  told  the  story,  was  by  no 
means  reconciled  to  this  popular  manner  of  testifying  respect. 


92  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

On  the  right,  Nicodemus*  his  leg  was  extending, 
To  the  stove,  J|^ohnn]y  W[^righ]tt  his  brown  visage  was  bending  ; 
And  a  huge  brainless  Judge  J  the  fore  bar  was  ascending. 
When  I  marked  thee,  poor  OQh]o,  stand  briefless  alone. 

2 
Dark  and  green  is  that  spot,  by  thy  love  still  distinguished, 
T'^vixt  the  stove  and  the  side-bar,  where  oft  thou  didst  stray 
Like  the  ghost  of  a  lawyer,  by  hunger  extinguish'd. 
Who  walks  a  sad  warning  to  crowds  at  bright  day. 
Nor  yet  quite  deserted,  tho'  poorly  attended. 
For  see,  his  right  hand  Virgin  Smith§  has  extended. 
And  Hagart'sll  strong  breath  thy  retreat  has  defended, 
A.nd  chas'd  the  vain  wits  and  loud  scoffers  away. 

*  Edward  M'Corrnick,  Esq.  Sheriff-depute  of  Ayrshire, — known  by  the  sou- 
briquet of  Nicodemus,  which  was  given  him  by  John  Clerk.  He  was  a  tall  man, 
upwards  of  six  feet  two. 

f  John  Wright,  Esq, — The  curious  reader  will  find  two  very  characteristic 
etchings  of  this  eccentric  and  very  ugly  person  in  Kay's  Edinburgh  Portraits. 
Wright  is  said  to  have  been  originally  a  shoemaker,  but  having  contrived 
to  educate  himself,  he  became  a  lecturer  on  civil  law,  and  a  "  law  grinder." 
He  afterwards  passed  advocate,  but  had  little  or  no  business ; — latterly,  he  had 
a  small  pension  allowed  him  by  the  Faculty.  A  gentleman  now  dead,  who  knew 
him  well,  in  a  note  on  this  passage,  has  written, — **  He  had  an  extraordinary 
coarse  countenance, — no  utterance,  and  bad  manner, — had  latterly  a  pension 
from  the  Faculty,  which  he  long  resisted  to  take.  He  was  an  honest  innocent 
man,  and  most  confoundedly  obstinate." 

J  Lord  Polkemmet — The  same  gentleman  who  recorded  his  opinion  of  Wright, 
furnishes  this  notice  as  to  Polkemmet: — He  was  "  a  man  of  great  stature  and 
*«  solemnity  of  manner.  He  spoke  in  a  drawling  way,  with  a  strong  Scotch 
**  accent, — all  which  left  an  impression  against  him.  He  was  an  upright  honest 
**  man,  and  upright  judge,  and  considered  a  very  good  lawyer,  though  he  re- 
*'  quired  time  to  consider.     He  retired  on  a  pension." 

§  A  Member  of  Faculty,  of  great  respectability  and  worth,  who  acquired  the 
soubriquet  of  Virgin,  from  his  extreme  purity  of  morals,  and  entire  want  of 
practice. 

II  John  Hagart  of  Cairnmuir  was  admitted  advocate  24th  January  1784, — a 
coarse  vulgar  looking  man,  with  a  breath  which  savoured  not  of  the  spicy  gales 

Wafted  from  the  shore 

Of  Araby  the  blest. — 
He  had  tolerable  practice  for  some  years,  but  was  not  much  respected  :  latterly, 
he  embroiled  himself  with  the  Judges,  and  having  been  very  severely  reprimanded 
by  Lord  President  Hope  for  the  manner  in  which  he  had  conducted  himself  as 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  93 

3. 

How  keen  didst  thou  gaze  as  the  agents  mov'd  past  thee  ; 
How  oft  when  the  Macer  bawl'd  loud  didst  thou  start. 

counsel  for  Mrs.  Belinda  Colebrook  or  TaaflFe,  a  lady  who  kept  the  Court  in 
constant  employment  some  years  since,  he  brought  an  action  of  damages 
against  his  Lordship,  which,  after  his  death,  was  insisted  in  by  his  trustees, 
in  consequence  of  special  instructions  to  that  effect  in  his  settlements.  Both 
the  Court  and  House  of  Peers  held  the  action  untenable.  The  ultimate  judg- 
ment was  pronounced  by  Lord  Gifford,  and  His  Royal  Highness  the  late  Duke 
of  York  was  one  of  the  Peers  who  sat  out  the  whole  discussion. 

Mr.  Hagart  was  by  no  means  remarkable  for  suavity  or  politeness  of  manner. 
From  his  possessing  a  small  estate  in  Perthshire,  he  was  in  use  to  attend  the 
meetings  of  Justices  and  Freeholders,  where  he  was  fond  of  showing  off  his  for- 
ensic talent.  It  so  happened,  that  the  county  gentlemen  had  resolved  to  apply 
to  the  Lords  of  the  Treasury  upon  some  matter  or  other,  and  had  accordingly 
prepared  a  petition,  which  was  generally  objected  to,  on  the  ground  of  its  be- 
ing much  too  long.  It  was  thereupon  remitted  to  a  committee,  which  speed- 
ily curtailed  it  of  its  fair  proportions.  Every  person  was  satisfied  with  the 
abridgement,  excepting  Mr.  Hagart,  who  was  never  satisfied  with  any  thing, 
and  he  contended,  that  shortened  as  it  was,  it  would  take  ten  minutes  to  read  ; 
"  now,"  says  the  learned  gentleman,  "  if  it  takes  so  much  time  in  reading, 
the  Lords  of  the  Treasury  will  toss  it  aside,  and  pay  no  attention  to  it."  Upon 
this,  the  late  Sir  Alexander  Muir  Mackenzie  remarked,  that  he  would  himself 
read  it  to  the  gentlemen  assembled,  explicitly  and  distinctly,  in  five  minutes. 
The  worthy  baronet,  be  it  observed,  had  a  protrusion  of  his  lower  lip,  which 
made  it  more  than  twice  the  ordinary  size ;  and  it  had  something  of  the  appear- 
ance of  a  pair  of  underlips.  Hagart  angrily  replied,  •*  I  am  ready  to  join 
issue  with  the  learned  gentleman,  [Sir  Alexander  was  an  advocate,]  as  to  the 
fact,  and  I  wish,  therefore,  that  any  one  present  would  take  the  trouble  of 
reading  the  petition  aloud,  excepting  always  the  learned  gentleman  himself,  as, 
from  his  having  double  lips,  he  is  able,  no  doubt,  to  read  it  twice  as  quickly  as 
any  one  else.''  This  piece  of  impertinence,  which  is  given  as  characteristic  of  the 
man,  may  perhaps  be  attributable  to  party  spleen,  as  Hagart  was  a  radical  whig, 
or  liberal,  and  Sir  Alexander,  a  keen  tory  or  conservative. 

Hagart  was  no  scholar,  although  somewhat  anxious  to  create  an  impression  that 
he  was  one  : — he  was  counsel  in  an  action  brought  by  the  owner  of  a  horse  against 
a  party  who  had  had  the  use  of  it,  and  who  had  very  seriously  injured  the  ani- 
mal. In  a  reclaiming  petition  to  the  Court  for  the  owner,  Hagart,  after  detailing 
everything  very  minutely, — explaining  the  multifarious  ways  in  which  a  horse 
might  be  injured  by  the  rider,  and  pointing  out  the  treatment  which  ought  to  be 
adopted,  thought  it  advisable  to  end  with  a  flourish,  and  either  having  taken  up 
the  notion,  that  the  following  well-known  line  was  quite  in  point,  or  perhaps 
having  been  persuaded  by  some  wag  that  it  was,  he  concluded  as  follows : — 
Quadrupedante  putrem  sonitu  quatit  ungula  campum, 

May  it  therefore  please  your  Lordships  to  alter  the  interlocutor 
under  review,  &c. 


94  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Alas  !  thy  thin  wig  not  much  longer  will  last  thee^ 
And  no  fee  will  the  hard  hearted  writer  impart. 
And  oh  !  is  it  meet  that  a  student  of  Leyden,* 
Should  hardly  have  whole  coat  or  breeches  to  stride  in, 
While  home-bred  and  blockheads  their  carriages  ride  in. 
Who  can't  tell  where  Leyden  is  placed  on  the  Chart  ? 

4 
When  Balmuto  or  Bannyt  the  bench  has  ascended. 
The  former  to  bellow,  the  latter  to  sleep. 
And  Hermand  as  fierce  as  a  tyger  offended. 
Is  muttering  his  curses,  not  loudly  but  deep  : 
Then  are  all  the  fee'd  lawyers  most  anxiously  waiting. 
Some  ready  to  prose,  and  some  ready  for  prating  ; 
While  some  for  delay  are  boldly  debating. 
Lamenting  a  cause  thro'  their  fingers  should  creep. 

5 
But  meeter  for  thee  far  with  Thomas  M'^Grugar,^ 
Thy  lieart's  dearest  friend,  in  condolence  to  sigh. 
And  to  some  idle  question,  in  words  sweet  as  sugar. 
To  bandy  soft  answer  and  gentle  reply. 
Far  fitter,  I  ween  than  for  gowns  idly  hoping. 
With  the  Corsican  Fairy  §  your  way  darkly  groping, 
To  spend  the  dull  hours  in  John  Dowie's,||  ale  toping, 
Regal'd  with  salt  herring  and  hot  penny  pyes. 

*  Otho  had  been  several  years  at  Leyden  studying  civil  law. 

f  Lords  Balmuto  and  Bannatyne. — The  former  certainly  used  to  *»  bellow"  at 
times  tremendously,  but  chiefly  when  some  youthful  advocate  appeared  before 
him.  He  seemed  deliarhted  to  astonish,  and  usually  succeeded.  The  latter  now 
and  then  appeared  to  dose,  but  he  was  usually  very  attentive  to  what  was  said, 
and  unlike  Balmuto,  always  read  his  papers. 

J  Thomas  M'Grugar  was  a  son  of  Mr.  Thomas  M'Grugar,  merchant,  Edin- 
burgh, admitted  advocate  28th  February  1786. — He  was  a  worthy  man, — had 
some  little  business, — and  was  remarkable  for  a  soft  manner  of  speaking. 
He  published  a  supplemental  Volume  to  Kames  and  Woodhouselee's  Dictionary 
of  Decisions. 

§  Geo.  Sandy,  Esq.  whose  bulky  form  presented  a  somewhat  strong  contrast 
to  the  tiny  dwarf,  who,  under  the  appellation  of  the  Corsican  Fairy,  visited  all 
the  principal  towns  in  Great  Britain. 

II  Johny  Dowie's  Tavern  was  a  well-known  place  of  resort  for  thirsty  persons 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


95 


XXI. 

PARODY 

ON  GRAY'S  CELEBRATED  ELEGY  IN  A  COUNTRY  CHURCH- YARD, 

*'  Thou,  that  with  ale,  or  viler  liquors, 

•*  Didst  inspire  Withers,  Prynne,  and  Vickars, 

•*  And  forc'd  them,  tho'  it  was  in  spite 

"  Of  nature  and  their  stars,  and  write  ; 

**  Assist  me  but  this  once  I  'mplore,  » 

"  And  I  will  trouble  thee  no  more." 

HudibraSf  Canto  Isf,  P.  1st,  Line  645. 


From  a  copy  privately  printed  at  Edinburgh  1814,  12mo.  Written  by  the  late 
Colin  Maclaurin,  Esquire,  advocate,  a  son  of  Lord  Dreghorn.  The  author  was 
subject  to  fits  of  insanity,  which  latterly  became  so  frequent  and  violent  as  to 
make  it  necessary  to  place  him  under  restraint.  One  of  his  last  public  exhibitions 
was  sufficiently  alarming  to  the  party  concerned,  although  somewhat  amusing 
to  the  spectators,  Colin,  about  two  o'clock  in  a  fine  September  day,  was 
sauntering  along  Princes  Street,  attired  in  a  great  coat,  which  served  as  a 
surtout.  This  garment  was  buttoned  below,  but  the  breast  was  open,  and  in 
the  left  side  thereof  was  placed  a  goodly  assortment  of  apples ;  in  his  right  hand 
was  a  large  carving  knife,  which,  with  a  flourish  ever  and  anon,  he  dashed  into 
the  left  side  of  his  great  coat,  and  extracted  therefrom  an  apple,  which  he  de- 
voured : — he  had  just  reached  the  termination  of  Hanover  Street,  when  Mr. 

of a  stout  athletic  man,  was  turning  the  corner, — struck  by 

the  singular  apparition  before  him,  Mr. could  not  help  smiling,  when 

unfortunately  Colin  observed  him,  and  enraged  at  what  he  supposed  a  de- 
liberate insult,  made  a  pass  at  him  with  the  knife, — off  set  Mr. ,  and 

Colin  in  pursuit  swearing  vengeance, — the  spectators  made  way  for  these  ex- 
traordinary racers,  and  it  was  not  until  Mr. reached  the  eastern  ex- 
tremity of  Princes  Street,  that  he  bethought  himself  that  a  shop  might  afford 
a  friendly  shelter.  He  accordingly  rushed  into  the  first  one  that  came  in  his 
way,  and  closing  the  door,  effectually  secured  himself  from  the  threatened 
assault  of  his  eccentric  assailant.  Maclaurin  was  in  his  sane  moments  a  very 
well-informed  man.     He  died  a  few  years  ago. 


at  the  commencement  of  the  present  century.  This  house  of  call,  which  was 
»  removed  in  consequence  of  the  recent  improvements,  was  the  ordinary  resort  of 
a  great  proportion  of  the  Members  of  the  College  of  Justice  at  the  period  this 
Parody  was  written.  The  judges  had  long  ceased  to  patronize  the  ale-house  ;  but 
many  members  of  the  bar,  and  most  of  the  agents,  continued  to  carouse  there,  as 
their  predecessors  had  done  before  them.  Dowie  himself,  of  whom  there  is  a 
portrait  in  the  Scots  Magazine,  amassed  wealth,  and  died  rich. 


96  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

The  bell  now  tolls,  soon  after  dawn  of  day. 
The  lawyer  herd  wind  slowly  up  the  street. 

The  macer  court- ward  plods  his  weary  way. 
Anxious,  in  haste,  each  learned  judge  to  meet. 

And  soon  the  bustling  scene  delights  the  sight. 
In  yonder  gorgeous  and  stupendous  hall. 

While  eager  macers  call,  with  all  their  might, 
The  busy  lawyers  from  each  judge's  roll. 

E're  long,  from  yonder  velvet-mantled  chair. 
The  angry  judge  does  to  the  bar  complain. 

Of  counsel  who,  by  ways  and  means  unfair. 
Molest  his  potent  and  judicial  reign. 

Beneath  yon  fretted  roof  that  rafters  shade. 

Where  lie  huge  deeds  in  many  mouldering  heads. 

Each,  in  its  narrow  cell,  far  too  long  laid. 
Many  a  dusty  process  often  sleeps.* 

The  dreadful  call  of  macer,  like  a  horn, 

The  agent,  tottering  from  some  humble  shed, 

The  lawyer's  claron,  like  the  cock's,  at  morn. 
No  more  shall  rouse  them  from  their  lowly  bed. 

For  them  no  more  the  agent's  lamp  shall  burn. 
Or  busy  clerk  oft'  ply  his  evening  care. 

No  counsel  run  to  hail  their  quick  return, 
Or  long  their  client's  envied  fees  to  share. 

Oft'  did  the  harvest  to  their  wishes  yield. 

And  knotty  points  their  stubborn  souls  oft'  broke. 

How  keenly  did  they,  then,  their  clients  shield  ! 
How  bow'd  the  laws  beneath  their  sturdy  stroke ! 

Let  not  derision  mock  their  useful  toils. 

Forensic  broils,  and  origin  obscure. 
Nor  judges  hear,  with  a  disdainful  smile, 

The  short  and  simple  causes  of  the  poor. 

*  An  action  is  said  to  be  asleep  if  not  called  in  Court  for  year  and  day. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  97 

The  boast  of  sov'reignty,  the  rod  of  power^ 

And  all  the  sway  that  judges  ever  have. 
Await  alike  the  inevitable  hour 

When  all  must  yield  to  some  designing  knave. 

Nor  you,  ye  vain,  impute  to  such  the  fault. 
If  mem'ry  o'er  his  deeds  no  trophies  raise. 

Where,  thro'  the  long  drawn  hall  and  fretted  vault. 
The  well-fee'd  lawyer  swells  his  note  of  praise. 

Can  counsel's  loud  and  animated  voice, 

Back  to  that  mansion  call  the  sleeping  cause ; 

Without  an  order  make  such  process  rise. 
Or  flatt'ry  soothe  the  dull  cold  ear  of  laws  ? 

Perhaps  in  some  neglected  spot  is  laid 

A  cause  once  pregnant  with  celestial  fire. 
Such  as  the  wily  C[]orbe]t*  might  have  pled. 

Or  waked  to  extacy  Scott's  living  lyre. 

For  knowledge  to  their  eyes  her  ample  page, 
Rich  with  the  spoils  of  time,  did  oft'  enrol ; 

No  penury  repress'd  their  noble  rage. 

Nor  froze  the  genial  current  of  their  soul. 

*  The  epithet  "  Wily,  "  which  the  author  has  applied  to  Mr.  Corbet,  is  not 
very  appropriate,  for  he  bad  not,  at  least  in  his  latter  days,  the  slightest  claim  to 
such  an  appellation.  He  was  a  bold  and  sarcastic  pleader  in  his  early  days,  as 
the  following  anecdote  sufficiently  demonstrates.  Lord  President  Campbell, 
after  the  fashion  of  those  times,  was  somewhat  addicted  to  browbeating  young 
counsel ;  and  as  bearding  a  Judge  is  not  a  likely  way  to  rise  in  favoui',  his  Lord- 
ship generally  got  it  all  his  own  way.  Upon  one  occasion,  however,  he  caught  a 
tartar.  His  Lordship  had  what  are  termed  little  pigs  eyes,  and  his  voice  was 
thin  and  weak.  Corbet  had  been  pleading  before  the  Inner-House,  and,  as 
usual,  the  President  commenced  his  attack,  when  his  intended  victim  thus  ad- 
dressed him  :  "  My  Lord,  it  is  not  for  me  to  enter  into  any  altercation  with 
*•  your  Lordship,  for  no  one  knows  better  than  I  do  the  great  difference  between 
*'  us  ;  you  occupy  the  highest  place  on  the  Bench,  and  I  the  lowest  at  the  Bar; 
**  and  then,  my  Lord,  I  have  not  your  Lordship's  voice  of  thunder, — I  have  not 
"  your  Lordship's  rolling  eye  of  command." 

7 


98  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Full  many  a  deed,  amid  such  bustling  scene. 
The  clerk's  unfathom'd  and  dark  cells  oft'  bear  ; 

Full  many  a  process  lies  too  long  unseen, 
Neglected  by  the  judges  and  the  bar. 

Some  village  lawyer,  that,  with  dauntless  breast. 
The  little  tyrant  of  his  fields  withstood. 

May  have  a  mute  and  glorious  process  rest, 

Tho'  great  his  wrongs,  and  tho'  his  cause  be  good. 

Th'  applause  of  list'ning  senates  to  command. 
The  threats  of  power  and  ruin  to  despise. 

To  scatter  justice  o'er  a  smiling  land. 
And  read  its  history  in  a  nation's  eyes. 

Their  lot  inclined.     Nor  circumscribed  alone 

Their  growing  talents,  but  their  crimes  confin'd ; 

Forbade  to  wade  through  discord  widely  sown. 
And  shut  the  gates  of  justice  on  mankind. 

The  struggling  pangs  of  conscious  truth  to  hide. 
To  quench  the  blushes  of  ingenuous  shame. 

Or  heap  the  shrine  of  luxury  and  pride, 
With  incense  kindled  at  some  holy  flame. 

Far  from  the  bustling  crowd's  ignoble  strife. 
Their  humble  wishes  never  learned  to  stray ; 

Along  the  rough  litigious  vale  of  life 
They  kept  the  noisy  tenor  of  their  way. 

Their  client's  fame  from  insult  to  protect. 
Some  frail  Memorial  they  would  often  try. 

With  uncouth  prose  and  shapeless  language  deck'd, 
T'  implore  the  passing  tribute  of  a  sigh. 

For  who  to  careless  folly  e'er  a  prey. 

Their  legal  rights  unguarded  have  resign'd. 

Given  up  a  cause  as  clear  as  the  noon-day. 
Nor  cast  a  longing  ling'ring  look  behind. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  99 

On  some  dear  cause  each  client  oft  relies ; 

Some  pious  tears^  when  lost^  it  oft*  requires : 
Ev'n  from  the  bar  the  voice  of  justice  cries; 

Ev'n  lawyers  weep  when  such  a  cause  expires. 

For  thee,  who  mindful  of  each  agent's  deeds. 
Dost  in  these  lines  their  artful  ways  relate ; 

If  chance,  or  lonely  contemplation  leads 
Some  kindred  spirit  to  enquire  thy  fate  ; 

Haply  some  hoary  headed  sage  may  say, — 
Oft'  have  we  seen  him,  at  the  peep  of  dawn. 

Brushing,  with  hasty  steps,  the  dews  away. 
To  meet  the  judges,  at  the  court  in  town. 

There,  at  the  foot  of  some  frequented  bench 
In  th'  Outer-House,  and  to  the  side  bar  nigh. 

Molested  by  the  agents  filthy  stench. 

He'd  pore  on  books  with  many  a  piteous  sigh.* 

In  yonder  hall,  now  smiling  as  in  scorn, 

Mutt'ring  his  wayward  fancies,  he  would  rove ; 

Now  drooping,  woeful,  wan,  like  one  forlorn. 
Or  craz'd  with  care,  or  cross'd  in  hopeless  love. 

One  morn  I  miss'd  him  in  th*  accustomed  hall. 
Upon  the  boards,  and  near  his  favourite  seat ; 

Another  came,  and  answered  to  the  roll  : 
Nor  at  the  bar  nor  in  the  court  he  sate. 

The  next,  with  dirges  due,  in  sad  array. 

Slow  through  the  church- way  path  we  saw  him  borne  ; 
Approach  and  read,  for  thou  cans't  read  the  lay 

Grav'd  on  his  stone,  beneath  yon  aged  thorn. 

*  Mr.  M'Laurin  had  very  fair  prospects  at  the  time  he  entered  the  Faculty 
of  Advocates,  and  he  made — it  is  said — one  or  two  very  good  appearances.  His 
unfortunate  malady,  which  came  on  at  an  early  period  of  life,  effectually  pre- 
vented his  rising  at  the  Bar.  The  description  of  himself  in  the  ensuing  stanza 
is  pretty  accurate,  excepting  that  he  was  (at  least  at  the  time  he  wrote  it)  very 
unlike  one  "  cross'd  in  hopeless  love." 


100  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


EPITAPH. 

Here  rests  his  head  upon  the  lap  of  earth, 

A  youth  to  Business  and  to  Law  well  known ; 

Fair  Science  frown'd  not  on  his  humble  birth. 
And  Litigation  marked  him  as  her  own. 

Large  was  his  bounty,  and  his  soul  sincere. 
Heaven  did  a  recompense  as  largely  send  : 

He  gave  to  Mis'ry  (all  he  had),  a  tear ; 

He  gain'd  from  Heav'n,  ('twas  all  he  wished),  a  friend. 

No  further  seek  his  merits  to  disclose, 

Nor  draw  his  frailties  from  their  dread  abode ; 
(There  they,  like  many  a  lawyer's,  now  repose) 
The  bosom  of  his  Father  and  his  God. 

Colin  M'Laurin.* 
Colintown,  12th  May  1814. 


•  This  very  strange  production  seems  to  have  been  composed  during  one  of 
the  author's  periodical  fits  of  insanity.  Its  absurdity  is  amusing  enough,  and  it 
has  been  preserved  as  the  only  existing  memorial  of  the  son  of  that  distinguished 
lav^er,  Lord  Dreghorn,  and  the  grandson  of  the  still  more  distinguished  mathe- 
matician, Colin  Maclaurin. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.        ',  ,>  i '.101, 


XXII. 

DECISIONES  PROVINCIALES  CUM  NOTIS  VARIORUM  ET  FUSTY- 

WHYGGII. 

These  curious  decisions  were  privately  printed  some  years  ago,  and  strange  as  it 
may  appear,  tViey  are  actually  genuine,  having  been  veritably  pronounced  by  a 
provincial  judge,  now  no  more, — the  only  liberty  taken  having  been  to  alter 
the  names  and  vary  the  dates. 

TO 

PETER    NIMMO,    L.L.D.    M.D.    A.S.S. 

Professor  of  Law,  Medicine  and  Divinity, 
Attorney- General  to  his  Serene  High- 
ness the  Peishwa,  Accoucheur  to 
that    Sublime   Potentate   the 
Black  Princess  of  Mullyga- 
tawny,     Protestant 
Chaplain   to   his 
Excellency  the 
Turkish  Am- 
bassador. 

SfC. 

This  Volume  is  respectfully  inscribed  by 
The  Editor. 

Introductory  Observations. 

The  acquisition  of  a  competent  knowledge  of  the  juris- 
prudence of  the  country  in  which  we  live,  is  an  indispensible 
requisite  in  the  education  of  every  man  of  birth  and  fortune. 
Nay,  even  to  persons  in  the  inferior  ranks  of  life,  a  certain 
degree  of  legal  knowledge  is  absolutely  indispensible.     The 


I0&:    :    . .;        COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

t^^a^nn  IS  -pbvious.  Law  in  its  operation  affects  every  class  of 
society  in  some  shape  or  other,  and  consequently,  the  proper 
or  improper  administration  of  justice,  becomes  an  object  of 
vital  importance  to  the  community,  in  every  civilized  state. 

The  opinions  of  our  enlightened  Jurisconsults  as  embo- 
died, or  expressed  in  the  decisions  which  they  pronounce  in 
their  judicial  capacity,  are  therefore  regarded  with  that  at- 
tention which  their  general  importance  demands.  The  value, 
too,  of  their  legal  views  is  still  more  increased,  when  it  is 
considered,  that  in  process  of  time  their  dicta  become  part 
and  parcel  of  our  law,  and  afford  precedents  which  necessarily 
must  influence,  and  regulate  all  analagous  cases. 

The  multifarious  volumes  of  our  reports,  evince  the  inde- 
fatigable zeal  and  industry  with  which  our  public  spirited 
lawyers  collect,  methodize,  and  preserve  the  decisions  and 
pithy  apothegms  of  our  Senators.  However  well-disposed 
the  editor  of  the  ensuing  valuable  remains  may  be,  to  con- 
cede to  these  meritorious  individuals  those  praises  which  they 
so  justly  merit,  still  it  is  impossible  to  deny,  that  with  all 
their  research,  many  decisions  of  infinite  moment  have  es- 
caped their  observance.  This  more  particularly  happens  in 
reference  to  provincial  reports,  of  which  there  exist  few,  or 
no  specimens.     How  true  is  it,  that 

'  Full  many  a  gem  of  purest  ray  serene^ 

'  The  dark  unfathom'd  caves  of  ocean  bear ;  ► 

'  Full  many  a  flower  is  born  to  blush  unseen, 
'  And  waste  its  fragrance  in  the  desert  air.' 

Thus  has  it  faired  with  these  valuable  and  golden  remains, 
whereof  the  two  ensuing  reports  are  a  specimen.  In  the 
valuable  library  of  the  justly  venerated  and  respected  Pro- 
fessor Nimmo,  the  MS.  has  for  many  years  reposed  unnoticed 
and  unknown,  except  by  those  individuals  who  had  long  re- 
garded the  legal  ruler  of  their  isolated  district,  with  that 
veneration  and  respect  which  his  unrivalled  talents  and 
abilities  commanded.     Had  fate  assigned  to  this  provincial 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  103 

judge  a  more  elevated  station  in  the  legal  world,  what  might 
we  not  have  expected  ?  Regret  is  vain  ;  and  our  only  con- 
solation is,  that  his  reliques  have  been  rescued  by  Dr.  Nimmo's 
pious  hand  from  oblivion.*  By  his  exertions  the  legal  doc- 
trines and  immortal  opinions  of  this  unrivalled  lawyer  have 
been  preserved  to  enlighten  future  ages,  while,  presently, 
they  no  doubt  will  excite  the  astonishment  of  a  wondering 
but  delighted  world. 

The  two  following  cases  have  been  selected  as  a  specimen, 
and  should  they  meet  with  a  favourable  reception,  it  is  the 
intention  of  the  editor  to  publish  the  whole  of  the  reports,-|- 
with  the  notes  of  Drs.  Nimmo  and  Yagar,  and  Professor  Von 
Furstandig  aliter  Fustywhygg,  who  have  condescended  to 
embellish  the  volume  with  their  valuable  annotations.  To 
each  of  these  accomplished  individuals,  the  editor  returns  his 
sincerest  thanks,  and  he  has  no  doubt  the  public  will  duly 
appreciate  their  labours. 


PROVINCIAL  REPORTS. 

I.— Sally  Roy  &  Paul  Jones  v.  Lord  Vjscount  Trumpery 

primo  Aprilis  177L     Nobile  officium^ — 

Process^ — Expenses. 

This  was  a  process  of  multiplepoinding, — the  sum  in  medio 
£S0.  The  Viscount  lodged  a  claim  for  £3  and  expenses  of 
process. 

23d  June  1770.     The  judge  «  prefers  the  pursuers  to  the 

•  Dr.  Nimmo  studied  under  this  great  master,  and  had  carefully  noted  down 
every  decision  of  any  moment.  It  is  remarkable,  that  the  pupil  has  rivalled  his 
master  in  that  depth  of  thought,  and  that  refinement  of  judgment,  which  is  so 
conspicuous  in  the  following  reports. 

f  The  publisher,  following  the  example  of  the  great  unknown,  has  been  ad- 
vised to  withhold  the  name  of  the  gifted  individual  whose  decisions  are  now 
brought  to  light ;  but  in  the  next,  it  is  intended  to  prefix  a  sketch  of  his  life,  in 
order  that  the  public  curiosity  may  be  gratified. 


104  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

'  sums  in  medio,  decerns  against  the  principal  defender 
'  therefore,*  finds  no  expenses  due,*)*  but  dues  of  extract."* 

Defender  reclaimed,  and  craved  the  sum  of  £S,  being  the 
total  amount  of  his  claim  and  his  expenses. 

1st  July.  '  His  Lordship  having  considered  the  petitionij; 
'  for  the  defender,  prefers  him  to  the  sum  in  medio :  finds 
*  no  expenses  due.** 

Pursuers  reclaimed — Petition  refused. 

Defender  reclaimed  as  to  expenses — They  were  allowed.  || 

*  Narrow  minds  might  be  apt  to  carp  at  a  decerniture  entitling  the  raiser  of 
the  multiplepoinding  (or  process  of  double  distress,)  to  appropriate  the  funds  in 
MEDIO  ;  but  they  should  recollect,  that  talent  is  not  to  be  fettered  by  form,  or 
the  ends  of  justice  retarded  by  a  servile  adherence  to  the  rules  of  judicial  pro- 
cedure. The  judge  ex  nobili  officio  wished  to  remunerate  Jones  and  Roy 
for  the  trouble  they  had  in  coming  into  court.  And  as  the  funds  were  then  in 
their  hands,  it  would  be  less  inconvenient  to  order  the  pursuers  to  retain  thera, 
than  to  ordain  them  to  be  paid  over  to  the  defender.  N. 

t  No  expenses  were  awarded.  For  this  equitable  reason,  that  when  a  man 
gains  his  cause,  he  has  gained  enough,  (^dictum  of  Lord  Balmuto  to  T.  Walker 
Baird,  Esq.  in  causa  Aitchison  v.  Waddel.)  Besides,  it  would  be  the  height  of 
cruelty  to  subject  his  unsuccessful  antagonist,  in  addition  to  losing  his  cause, — in 
payment  of  costs.  This  equitable  rule  has  subsequently  been  frequently  recog- 
nised in  practice.  F. 

His  Lordship  sometimes  found  the  successful  party  liable  in  expenses,  for  the 
equitable  reason  assigned  in  Professor  Fusty-whigg's  preceding  note.  N. 

X  The  advising  a  case  ex  parte  has  been  much  censured,  but  with  injustice, 
for  it  will  not  be  denied,  that  great  confusion  is  occasioned  by  the  opposite  state- 
ments of  litigants;  this  difficulty,  however,  is  completely  avoided  by  hearing  only 
one  of  the  parties.  In  the  present  case,  to  have  ordered  answers,  would  merely 
have  embarrassed  the  cause.  A  judge  should  always  rise  superior  to  vulgar 
prejudices.  F. 

II  Many  important  legal  views  arise  out  of  a  consideration  of  this  case. —  I.  It 
is  a  truly  gratifying  thing  when  judges  are  open  to  conviction.  The  different 
and  opposite  judgments  his  Lordship  pronounced,  shew  with  what  care  and  at- 
tention he  deliberated  ;  and  although  he  had  conceived  a  prejudice  against  the 
plea  of  the  Viscount  in  the  earlier  stages  of  the  cause,  it  was  entirely  removed  at 
the  close.  A  nobler  or  more  praiseworthy  example  of  this  exercise  of  the 
nobile  oflBcium  is  not  recorded,  than  that  of  awarding  to  a  person  demanding  only 
j£3  the  sum  of  £30,  being  the  amount  of  the  fund  in  medio,  and  of  alimenting 
him  besides  with  his  costs.  Men  of  weak  intellect  would  imagine  that  there  was 
an  inconsistency  in  the  awarding  of  costs  here.  If  they  would  reflect  for  one 
moment,  they  would  see  that  there  was  no  inconsistency  at  all.  To  every  general 
rule  there  is  an  exception,  and  there  is  one  here.     The  Judge  was  puzzled  what 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  105 

II. — M 'Smash  v.  M 'Snifter  &  M'Sma. — Eo  die.     Pro- 
cess, — Jurisdiction, — Expenses. 

This  was  a  process  of  multiplepoinding*  where  the  com- 
mon debtor,  Mrs.  Botherem,  was  dead,  and  her  daughter 
denied  all  knowledge  of  the  debts  said  to  be  due  to  the  ar- 
resters. The  judge  allowed  the  arresters  a  proof,  but  prior 
to  their  proceeding  with  it,  appointed  Mrs.  Botherem  to  ap- 
pear  and  be  judicially  examined."!* 

The  defunct  not  choosing  to  make  her  appearance, — 
9th  July  1770, — His  Lordship,  '  in  respect  the  defender  is 
'  held  as  confessed,  decerns  against  himl  as  libelled,  under 

to  make  of  the  case  ;  and  the  consequence  was,  that  various  conflicting  inter- 
locutors were  pronounced.  Now,  really,  if  litigants  try  to  puzzle  a  Judge,  it  is 
reasonable  that  they  should  be  found  liable  in  all  the  expenses  occasioned  by 
such  an  indecent  attempt. — II.  A  more  beautiful  or  admirable  commentary  on 
the  first  rule  of  Law, 

**  Justitia  est  constans  et  perpetua  voluntas,  suum  cuique  tribuendi." 

can  hardly  be  figured  than  what  occurs  here. 

*  In  processes  of  multiplepoinding,  his  Lordship's  judgments  stand  unrival- 
led. Editor. 

f  This  must  be  admitted  at  all  hands  to  be  a  most  splendid  specimen  of  the 
fictio  juris.  The  deceased  being  by  fiction  of  law  held  to  be  under  the  jurisdic- 
tion of  his  Lordship,  in  consequence  of  his  citing  her  to  appear  in  Court,  and 
her  disobeying  this  order.  I  was  in  court  when  the  difficulty  occurred,  and 
took  the  liberty  of  hinting  that  by  letters  of  supplement,  a  jurisdiction  might  be 
created.  His  Lordship  objected  to  this  as  an  expensive  form  of  procedure; 
and,  after  deliberating  a  few  moments,  he  entered  at  considerable  length  upon  a 
detail  of  the  various  ways  by  which  jurisdiction  might  be  created;  and  con- 
cluded with  stating,  that  he  thought  the  method  he  proposed  to  adopt  the  most 
eligible  and  least  expensive.  The  expense  weighed  greatly  with  him  ;  for  as  he 
most  justly  said,  '  We  are  not  aware  what  the  pecuniary  resources  of  the  deceased 

•  may  be ;  it  is,  therefore,  our  duty  to  avoid  accumulating  any  unnecessary  ex- 

•  pense  upon  the  party.'  N. 

Few  Judges  would  have  thought  of  a  method  so  admirably  suited  for  the  fur- 
therance of  justice.  F. 

X  Many  people  would  imagine  that  there  was  a  mistake  here,  the  decreased 
being  a  woman,  not  a  man.  This  is  but  a  further  illustration  of  the  transcen- 
dant  talents  of  the  judge.  No  doubt,  while  alive,  Mrs.  Botherem  was  a  woman, 
— when  she  threw  off  this  mortal  coil,  and  became  a  disembodied  spirit,  the  judge 


106  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

'  deduction  of  his  expenses,*  which  modifies  to  40  shil- 
'  lings.' 

Thereafter  it  was  represented  that  the  examination  in- 
tended to  refer  to  Molly  Jenkins  the  daughter,  as  she  was  de- 
fender, not  her  mother,  who  was  dead. 

25th  Feb.  1771.  His  Lordship  '  appoints  Molly  Jenkins 
'  still  to  be  examined.' 

She  was  examined,  and  denied  all  knowledge  of  the  al- 
leged debts.  The  judge  thereupon  appointed  her  to  prove 
that  her  mother  did  not  owe  the  sums  claimed.  As  she  did 
not  well  see  how  she  was  to  prove  a  negative,  she  led  no 
proof     Accordingly, 

29th  Feb.  Decree  was  pronounced  '  against  her  as  libelled, 
'  and  expenses  were  modified  to  50  shillings.' 

Against  this  judgment  all  parties  reclaimed.  Finally,  an 
interlocutor  was  pronounced,  finding,  inter  alia,  '  That  the 
'  defenders  are  not  entitled  to  their  expenses,'  and  therefore, 
'  modifies  the  same  to  two  guineas."-!* 

had  no  opportunity  of  learning  her  sex,  or  whether  she  had  any  sex  at  all.  In 
this  state  of  uncertainty,  and  willing,  perhaps,  to  pay  a  compliment  to  the  de- 
ceased, his  Lordship  deemed  it  more  respectful  to  suppose  that  she  now  was  of 
the  nobler  sex.  This  was  certainly  more  decorous  than  to  have  at  once  reduced 
her  to  the  neuter  gender,  N. 

Mahomet,  or  more  properly  Mahommed,  denies  the  existence  of  woman  in  a 
future  state;  probably  he  had  the  same  ideas  of  the  matter  as  our  enlightened 
judge,  namely,  that  so  soon  as  females  cease  to  exist  here,  they  cease  to  be 
women.  Y. 

•  The  equity  of  this  award  of  costs  is  unquestionable.  He  (Mrs.  Botherem) 
was  now  the  denizen  of  a  foreign  state,  and  could  not  legally  be  presumed  to  know 
any  thing  about  the  forms  of  the  Scotish  Courts ;  besides  he  was  entitled  to 
travelling  expenses.  Ex  nobili  officio,  therefore,  the  judge  alimented  him  with 
his  reasonable  costs.  Y. 

f  The  concluding  remarks  to  the  first  report,  are  equally  applicable  to  the 
present  one.  F. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  107 

XXIII. 

UNTO  THE  RIGHT  HONOURABLE  THE  LORDS  OF  COUNCIL  AND 
SESSION,  THE  PETITION  OF  THE  CLERKS  AND  APPRENTICES 
OF  THE  WRITERS  TO  THE  SIGNET. 

This  and  the  succeeding  article  appeared  in  the  Cornucopia  Britannica,  a  periodi- 
cal work,  which  commenced  its  ephemeral  existence  early  in  the  year  1832, 
or  end  of  the  year  1831.  The  first  Petition,  from  the  reference  to  the  tax  on 
powder,  is  evidently  of  a  much  earlier  date  than  the  second. 

That  your  petitioners,  with  much  regret. 

Take  up  your  Lordships'  time  their  ills  to  state ; 

But,  conscious  that  your  Lordships  succour  lend. 

The  sad  to  comfort,  and  the  poor  befriend. 

We've  dared,  with  boldness,  to  reveal  our  grief. 

And  from  your  Lordships'  justice  hope  relief. 

We've  struggled  long  chill  penury  to  hide. 

But  now  necessity  o'ercomes  our  pride  ; 

Though  modesty  concealed  our  pressing  need. 

Our  hollow  stomachs  would  cry  out  for  bread  ; 

And  sure  this  humble  prayer,  more  grateful  far  J 

Than  empty  sounds  of  hunger  at  your  bar. 

Without  poetic  ornament  or  fiction 

We'll  shortly  state  our  case  to  your  conviction. 

Your  Lordships  know  'tis  ours  to  copy  pages. 

For  each  of  which  poor  threepence  is  our  wages, — 

And  that  in  this  unprofitable  way 

We're  scarce  employed  a  fourth  part  of  the  day. 

Most  of  our  masters  thinking  it  quite  fair 

To  keep  three  extra  clerks — to  live  on  air. 

Though  they  themselves  could  finish  every  line. 

They  must  have  clerks — for  what  ?  To  cut  a  shine. 

Our  other  time  like  chairmen  we  must  spend. 

So  many  messages  our  masters  send  ; 

In  borrowing  processes  and  craving  debtors. 

Taking  down  rolls  and  passing  signet  letters. 

And  trudging  idly  through  the  Outer  House, 

We  spend  our  time,  or  rather  time  abuse. 

How  many  a  writer's  clerk  attends  the  Court 

Without  one  cause  his  spirits  to  support ! 


108  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Yet  see  with  how  much  cheerfulness  he  walks. 

And  over  knotty  points  majestic  talks  ! 

Now  sudden  starts,  as  if  awake  from  slumber. 

Runs  to  the  Macer,  and  cries,  "  What's  the  number  ?" 

Although  with  that  he  has  no  more  to  do 

Then  if  he  were  a  miner  in  Peru. 

Full  many  a  tedious  year  has  passed  away. 

Since  writers'  clerks  have  got  increase  of  pay. 

And  e'en  this  ill  we  might  with  patience  bear. 

Had  not  each  necessary  grown  so  dear. 

A  writer's  clerk,  full  fifty  years  ago. 

On  thirty  pounds  a  year  would  be  a  beau. 

But  now  with  that  same  sum  we  scarce  can  hide 

Our  naked  skin,  and  meat  and  drink  provide. 

Tradesmen  of  all  descriptions  raise  their  wages, 

Why,  therefore,  no  increase  for  copying  pages  ? 

If  we're  employ'd  to  copy  any  paper. 

For  instance,  to  a  hosier  or  a  draper. 

Our  charge  is  truly  not  a  farthing  more 

Than  what  it  was  some  forty  years  before  ; 

But  if  we  need  a  hat,  or  coat,  or  stocking, — 

With  great  submission,  is  it  not  provoking  ? 

Our  draper  says  he  cannot  sell  it  under 

Five  times  the  price  it  cost  in  seventeen  hunder. 

We  groan  beneath  a  sad,  but  just,  taxation, 

From  which  there's  little  hope  of  extrication. 

We'll  pay  the  taxes  while  we  have  a  groat. 

Whether  your  Lordships  grant  our  prayers  or  not. 

But  one  late  tax  afflicts  us  to  the  heart. 

Because  we  cannot  with  a  guinea  part : 

When  powderd,  we  were  decent  looking  fellows. 

But  now  resemble  blacksmiths  at  their  bellows  : 

We're  pointed  out,  our  very  soul  it  racks. 

As  writers'  clerks  who  can't  afford  the  tax. 

While  other  tradesmen  join  in  combinations 

To  raise  their  wages,  or  desert  their  stations.* 

*  The  preceding  eight  lines  occur  in  a  printed  periodical,  **  published  by 
W.  Smith,  3  Bristo  Street,  Edinburgh." 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  109 

To  aid  our  plea^  truth,  justice,  sense  refined. 
Are  in  your  Lordships'  generous  hearts  combined. 
In  order  all  these  hardships  to  prevent, 
May't  therefore  please  your  Lordships  to  augment 
The  price  of  pages  to  a  penny  more 
Than  the  low  rate  at  which  they  were  before ; 
And  your  petitioners  shall  pray  sincere 
That  you  may  live  and  judge  ten  thousand  year. 

XXIV. 

THE  COMPLAINT,  No.  2;  OR,  FURTHER  REASONS  WHY  THE 
WAGES  OF  THE  WRITERS'  CLERKS  AND  APPRENTICES  SHOULD 
BE  ENCREASED. 

Fiom  the  Cornucopia  Britann'tca, — 2\st  Janvary  1832. 

With  pleasure  I  perused  your  last  edition. 
Wherein  I  read  the  "  Writers'  Clerks  Petition ;" 
And  I  am  hopeful  that  their  Lordships  will 
Decern  simpliciter,  and  pass  our  bill. 
But  should  they  take  our  case  to  avizandum, 
And,  before  decree,  wish  an  audiendum, 
We'll  depute  one  more  versant  in  the  laws 
To  plead  our  noble,  plead  our  glorious  cause. 
No  more  shall  we  submit  to  such  vexation. 
For,  in  our  case,  no  tacit  relocation 
Binds  us  to  do,  de  facto,  what,  'tis  plain. 
No  lawyer  could,  dejure,  well  maintain. 
Things  cannot  long  remain  in  statu  quo. 
We  must  have  decree,  and  that  injoro. 
The  following  reasons  seem  to  me,  'mong  others. 
On  which  with  deference,  my  learned  brothers 
May  rest  their  suit  for  further  augmentation. 
And  bring  about  a  glorious  reformation : — 
Full  many  a  year  is  spent  in  abstract  study. 
To  gain  admittance  to  this  learned  body  ; 
And,  when  admitted,  view  the  pomp  and  show, 
We  must  exhibit  ex  oMcio, 


110  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Who  then  would  think  poor  threepence  is  our  quantum, 

Paid  with  a  grudge^  et  si  petatur  tantum. 

The  writers*  clerks,  true,  are  a  numerous  flock. 

And  prove  the  rule  of  which  M*Culloch  spoke,* 

For  some  great  masters  sport  their  eight  or  nine. 

When  three,  at  most,  ''  could  finish  every  line/'  ' 

With  nought  to  do,  and  as  our  last  resort,  •< 

We  fly  to  gin  shops,  cursing  law  and  Court !  ■ 

With  empty  pockets,  and  with  little  care,  y 

We  soon  create  a  glorious  "  bill  of  fare." 

"  Waiter  !"  one  bawls  out,  as  he  takes  his  stick. 

Your  bill's  damn'd  moderate,  but  our  system's  tick. 

"  Good  morrow,  fool,"  quoth  every  one  and  all. 

You'll  wait  a  little  till  next  time  we  call. 

The  tailors,  too,  and  all  the  craftish  line,  ] 

Know  what  it  is  for  clerks  "  to  cut  a  shine," 

So  things  run  on  till  credit  is  no  more —  ] 

Then  we  enlist,  and  leave  our  native  shore.  \ 

Thus,  thus  it  is,  a  wretched  life  we  end,  < 

And  die  unheeded  in  a  foreign  land. 

This  to  avert,  and  save  yourself  from  blame,  j 

Then  raise  your  wages,  writers,  oh  !  for  shame ! 

'Tis  strange,  surpassing  strange,  that  we,  < 

A  learned  body,  full  worse  off  should  be  ^ 

Than  your  domestics,  who  must  all  be  paid,  ^ 

Whether  they  clean  your  shoes,  or  dress  your  head. 

Keep  no  more  clerks  than  you  can  well  employ,  k 

Then  cares  will  cease,  and  we  shall  life  enjoy. 

A  better  race  ne'er  graced  Edina's  plains,  j 

Nor  ever  will,  while  time  and  tide  remains, —  ! 

A  vigorous  offspring  to  the  state  we'll  raise  < 

To  fight  for  Scotland, — die  for  Scotland's  praise.  | 

All  future  ages,  then,  shall  bless  the  day 

When  writers'  clerks  received  increase  of  pay. 

No  more  I  add,  but  am  with  great  respect, 

Your's,  most  obediently, — 

A  Writer's  Clerk. 

*  It  is  one  of  Mr.  M'Culloch's  principles  of  political  economy,  that  the  people 
in  England  have  out-grown  labour. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  Ill 

XXV. 

YOUR  YOUNG  WRITER  TO  THE  SIGNET;  A  SKETCH. 

This  article  appeared  in  the  Scots  Magazine  for  May  1826,  and  was  generally 
(and  we  understand  correctly)  ascribed  to  a  barrister  of  great  literary  talent. 
It  gave  great  offence,  owing  chiefly  to  the  style,  which  is  remarkably  vitupera- 
tive ;  there  is,  however,  considerable  truth  in  some  portion  of  the  remarks, 
although  as  a  whole  the  sketch  is  exaggerated. 

**  He  is  a  shark  of  the  first  magnitude." 

This  is  the  creature's  general  character ;  let  us  contem- 
plate some  individual  traits  of  it.  He  is  the  eldest  son  of 
another  Writer  to  the  Signet,  the  younger  son  of  a  country- 
laird,  or  perhaps  the  grown  up  brat  of  a  rustic  parson,  whose 
quondam  pupil  and  patron  has  enabled  him  to  place  his  son 
in  the  chambers  of  a  proud,  overgrown  agent,  without  pay- 
ment of  an  apprentice  fee.  In  his  boyhood,  the  creature,  in 
spite  of  the  monstrous  thickness  of  his  skull,  learned  to  de- 
cline penna,  and  to  conjugate  scribo  ;  and  penna  and  scribo, 
in  their  respective  cases  and  tenses,  comprised  all  that  could 
be  designated  learning  in  the  composition  of  the  creature''s 
mental  constitution.  With  this  stock  of  varied  and  pro- 
found erudition,  the  thing  was  sent  to  College,  to  learn  two 
or  three  additional  words  of  the  Latin  language,  and,  if  pos- 
sible, one  or  two  of  Greek.  After  spending  two  winter 
sessions  at  College,  agreeably  to  the  rules  of  that  self-called 
enlightened  corporation,  to  whose  grasping  privileges  he 
aspires  to  be  admitted,  he  finds,  or  at  least  it  is  taken  for 
granted,  that  he  has  acquired,  in  addition  to  his  former  learn- 
ing, a  tolerably  complete  knowledge  of  the  verb  rapio,  signi- 
fying to  arrest  and  plunder,  with  all  its  derivatives  and  com- 
pounds :  it  remains,  however,  a  matter  of  doubt  to  himself, 
and  to  all  others,  whether  he  knows  a  single  syllable,  much 
less  a  word  of  Greek.  A  glimmering  recollection  flits  across 
his  brain,  that  the  word  ci^yv^tov,  signifying  money,  once  formed 
an  item  in  his  literary  store.     Thus,  with  a  mind  so  amply 


112  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

furnished  as  actually  to  understand  penna  and  scribo,  with 
the  substantial  verb  rapio,  and  having  an  evanescent  remem- 
brance of  one  Greek  vocable,  fortified,  moreover,  with  a 
considerable  stock  of  abominably-sounding  Scotch  words, 
which  he  has  learned  from  his  slovenly,  ill-bred  mother,  and 
with  half-a-dozen  English  words  and  phrases,  which  he  has 
almost  involuntarily  picked  up  in  the  progress  of  his  precious 
academical  curriculum,  the  thing  proceeds  to  the  chambers  of 
his  future  master.  On  his  way  thither,  he  meditates  on  his 
past  and  present  condition,  and,  blockhead  as  he  is,  he  cannot 
altogether  throw  aside  conjectures  as  to  the  probabilities  of 
the  future.  The  indenture  of  a  five-yearns  clerkship  is  pre- 
pared and  engrossed  by  himself,  and  signed  by  the  parties 
with  all  the  due  solemnities  of  law,  and  he  takes  his  seat  at 
the  desk,  which  has  just  been  left  by  some  other  junior  manu- 
facturer of  legal  writs,  technically  and  elegantly  denominated 
hornings,  poindings,  and  captions,  who  has  assumed,  or  is 
about  to  assume,  the  imposing  title  of  a  Writer  to  his  Ma- 
jesty's Signet. 

It  now  becomes  necessary  for  the  nursling  lawyer  to  call 
into  exercise  the  whole  of  his  abilities,  and  to  apply  his  ac- 
quired knowledge  to  the  business  of  real  life.  His  master 
pays  little  attention  to  him,  and  he  is  left  to  find  his  way 
among  the  intricacies  and  mysteries  of  his  future  profession, 
by  the  information  and  instruction  which  can  be  obtained  by 
dint  of  observation  and  inquiry  among  his  companions  in  the 
same  chambers.  Along  with  a  smattering  of  business,  which 
he  learns  from  these  wights,  some  of  whom  are  probably  old 
stagers  on  the  road  of  profligacy,  he  acquires  a  pretty  fair 
proportion  of  depraved  ideas,  at  the  mere  conception  of 
which  a  few  months  ago  he  would  have  started  with  horror. 
At  the  same  time,  he  gradually  attains  to  some  proficiency 
in  the  language  and  practices  of  young  bloods  of  the  town, 
whose  glory  is  in  their  shame,  and  whose  greatest  boast  it  is 
to  riot  in  the  orgies  of  unbridled  obscenity,  and  boundless 
debauchery.     To  this  state  of  perfection  he  does  not  arrive 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  113 

without  various  misgivings  and  occasional  annoyances  from 
a  wounded  sensibility.  But  if  his  health  and  his  purse  do 
not  fail  him,  he  is  almost  certain  to  reach  this  grand  climax 
some  time  before  the  expiry  of  his  indenture. 

In  this  manner  he  reaches  his  twenty-first  or  twenty-second 
year ;  and  having  sown  his  wild  oats,  and  imbibed  a  little 
knowledge  of  business,  and  a  thirst  for  more,  with  an  un- 
bounded craving  for  fingering  large  sums,  composed  of 
numerous  items,  few  exceeding  three  shillings  and  four- 
pence,  or  six  shillings  and  eightpence,  he  enters  on  his  career 
with  a  brass  plate  on  his  door,  indicating,  by  the  large  capi- 
tals W.  S.  annexed  to  his  name,  that  he  vends  all  sorts  of 
legal  writs  at,  but  not  one  farthing  below,  the  full  sum  fixed 
by  the  legal  body  of  which  he  is  now  an  initiated  member. 
He  now  becomes  a  staid  man  of  business,  perhaps  marries, 
and  thus  becomes  somewhat  civilized  ;  but  more  probably,  he 
remains  for  some  years  a  bachelor,  attends  very  punctually 
to  business  in  the  forenoon,  but  spends  his  evenings,  now  that 
he  has  acquired  a  little  pelf,  in  a  more  methodical  species  of 
debauchery  than  that  to  which  he  accustomed  himself  during 
his  clerkship.  If  he  becomes  the  junior  partner  of  some  Don 
in  the  profession,  he  will  come  with  great  dignity  among  the 
now  silent  clerks  in  his  chambers ;  he  will  speak  big  to  them ; 
and  perhaps,  with  the  insolence  of  upstart  authority,  he  will 
scold  the  wretches,  trembling  lest  he  should  carry  his  petu- 
lent  caprice  so  far  as  to  dismiss  them  entirely  from  his  em- 
ployment. He  takes  especial  care,  however,  to  please  his 
own  senior  partner,  and  is  a  perfect  image  of  gentleness  and 
^^  politeness,  in  so  far  as  the  inbred  barbarism  of  his  selfish  and 
Hk  vulgar  soul  will  permit  him,  to  all  the  better  order  of  the 
^H     clients  of  the  firm. 

^B  He  now  takes  charge  of  law-processes,  and  is  regularly 
^B  seen  prowling  in  the  courts,  followed  by  a  fag  clerk,  who 
!^  conveys  to  counsel  the  papers  necessary  in  the  debates  at  the 
t^^  Bar.  The  thing  now  looks  grave,  probably  uses  a  consider- 
^B     able  quantity  of  snufF,  and  is  the  last  man  on  earth  to  advise 

h 


114  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

or  to  bring  about  a  compromise  of  any  disputed  point  of  a 
case,  although  his  poor  victim  of  a  client  is  certain  to  throw 
away  hundreds  of  gold  to  secure  the  chance  of  obtaining  from 
his  adversary  a  mere  particle  of  chaff.  Converse  with  him 
upon  any  subject  but  such  as  embraces  the  miserable  jargon 
of  summonses,  defences,  condescendences,  pleas  in  law,  and 
the  opinions  and  speeches  of  the  Dean  of  Faculty,  and  this 
or  t"'other  sage  of  the  long  robe,  and  you  will  find  his  head 
a  mere  thing  of  emptiness.  However,  he  grows  up  amid 
this  profound  ignorance  of  all  that  is  estimable  in  human  ex- 
istence, and  all  that  is  most  deserving  to  be  known  in  the 
social  condition  of  man.  He  becomes  rich  ;  and  if  he  does 
not,  by  a  miracle,  relax  a  little  in  his  application  to  business, 
and  learn  something  of  what  he  ought  to  have  known  before 
he  dared  to  enter  on  the  threshold  of  a  profession  called 
liberal,  he  will  soon  degenerate  into  an  inanimate  sot,  or  a 
scarcely  more  vital  jolterhead  squire. 

Meet  the  young  pretender  in  company,  and  he  bores  you 
with  law  cases  past  all  power  of  comprehension.  Meet  him 
in  a  stage-coach,  and  he  will  equally  pester  you  with  his 
horrible  talk  about  his  processes,  and  with  long  dissertations 
on  the  merit  of  this  or  the  other  judge.  Any  of  the  fifteen 
who  may  happen  to  have  taken  a  view  of  a  case  different 
from  that  of  this  wise  Writer  to  the  Signet,  is  unsparingly 
set  down  as  an  irreclaimable  idiot.  This  stage-coach  conver- 
sation, however,  has  a  chance  of  being  diversified  by  scraps 
from  the  secret  history  of  some  of  the  estates  through  which 
you  are  passing.  The  prying  dog  knows  to  a  farthing  the 
sum  lent  on  mortgage  over  any  given  property  in  all  broad 
Scotland ;  and  his  eyes  sparkle  with  delight,  when  he  in- 
forms you  that  the  gentleman  who  lives  in  yonder  mansion 
executed  a  trust-deed  in  his  favour  a  few  weeks  ago,  and 
that  he  is  just  on  his  way  to  take  sasine  on  the  deed.  He 
sees  in  long  vista  the  fat  produce  of  this  transaction,  and 
to  him  it  is  the  summum  bonum  of  human  happiness  to  dole 
out  a  few  pounds  to  the  starving  proprietor  of  an  ample 


I 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  115 

estate,  thus  unhappily  thrown  within  the  grasp  of  his  harpy 
talons. 


XXVI. 

THE  YOUNG  LAWYER'S  SOLILOQUY. 

**  What  I  hear  of  their  hardships,  their  tortures,  and  groans, 
Is  almost  enough  to  draw  pity  from  stones." 

Cowper's  Pity  for  Poor  Africans. 

From  the  Edinburgh  Literary  Journal,  No.  64,  January  1830. 

Disconsolate  heside  his  briefless  desk, 

Young  Wordsby  sat,  and  mournfully  he  closed 

His  portly  Erskine^  while,  with  heavy  heart, 

Thus/ee-lingly,  without  a/ee_,  he  spoke  : — 

"  Farewell  !  a  long  farewell  to  all  my  law-books  ! 

This  land  of  unpaid  wigs  for  me  no  more 

Hath  charms  or  welcome. — Lo !  my  empty  purse. 

More  hideous  than  a  bare-ribbed  skeleton. 

Beckons  me  far  away.     On  Monday  last 

Six  youths,  led  onward  by  the  cheerful  sound 

Of  coming  fees,  tinkling  like  distant  music. 

Their  trials  in  the  civil  law  did  pass ; 

Six  more  on  Tuesday ! — Hast  thou,  Jupiter ! 

No  earthquake,  no  fell  bolt,  no  pestilence  } 

Why  not  beneath  the  crowded  Outer-House 

Dig  out  a  yawning  gulf  to  swallow  Skene,* 

*  Andrew  Skene,  Esquire,  Advocate.  This  eminent  lawyer,  and  excellent 
man  was  born  in  1784.  He  was  a  son  of  Dr.  Skene,  (descended  from  a  younger 
branch  of  the  family  of  Skene  of  Skene),  Professor  of  Medicine  in  the  Marischal 
College,  Aberdeen.     His  mother  was  a  daughter  of  Gordon  of  Abergeldie. 

Mr.  Skene  was  educated  at  Marischal  College,  and  after  having  been  some 
time  in  the  chambers  of  a  writer  to  the  signet  in  Edinburgh,  passed  advocate.  He 
gradually  obtained  business,  and  for  many  years  before  his  death,  was  in  as  great 
practice  as  any  member  of  the  bar.  He  was  perhaps  the  most  energetic  pleader  of 
the  time,  and  although  his  voice  was  anything  but  musical,  the  force  of  his  argu- 
ments, and  the  ingenuity  of  his  pleadings,  caused  this  defect  to  be  soon  overlooked. 
He  was  Solicitor-General  prior  to  the  formation  of  the  Peel  Administration, 


116  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Cockbum  and  Jeffrey,  Cranstoun  and  Moncrieff  ? 

Or,  if  thy  mercy  interposes,  why 

Wilt  thou  not  send  us  a  reviving  shower 

Of  rich  litigious  clients  from  the  moon  ? 

And  must  I  rend  you  from  my  heart,  ye  dreams 

Of  white  cravats,  and  sweeping  treble  gowns  ? 

No  longer  must  I  pant  for  the  keen  war, 

Where  foes  are  floor'd  by  words  of  giant  size. 

Or  cut  in  pieces  by  a  Latin  saw  ? 

My  sweet  Louisa,  too  ! — must  all  our  hopes 

Vanish  as  quickly  as  a  city  feast  ? 

Must  we  not  marry,  love,  as  once  we  planned. 

Purchase  a  house  in  Queen  Street  or  the  Crescent, 

And  keep  a  carriage  !— Eheu  !  well-a_day  ! 

Hold  forth  a  fan  to  ward  a  thunderbolt, 

when  he  was  succeeded  by  Duncan  Macneil,  Esquire.  Had  it  not  been  for 
his  unexpected  and  much  lamented  demise  in  March  1835,  he  undoubtedly  would 
have  been  re-appointed  to  that  office  upon  the  return  of  the  Whigs  to  power. 
Mr.  Skene's  application  was  remarkable,  all  his  cases  were  prepared  at  nijjht, 
and  he  was  in  the  habit  every  morning  of  rising  during  winter  at  six,  and  five  in 
summer,  when  he  sat  down,  not  to  his  professional,  but  to  his  literary  studies ; 
for,  unlike  many  of  his  brethren,  who  think  there  is  no  pleasant  reading  but  in 
Erskine's  Institutes,  and  no  useful  research  but  in  Morrison's  Dictionary, — he 
was  passionately  devoted  to  literature.  To  the  beauties  of  the  old  Dramatists, 
he  was  sensibly  alive ;  and  often,  in  the  few  moments  he  had  to  spare  in  the 
Parliament  House,  he  would  expatiate  on  their  merits,  and  repeat  such  passages 
as  had  been  impressed  on  his  memory.  Amongst  his  most  favourite  Dramas 
were  Webster's  White  Devil  and  his  Duchess  of  Malfi  ;  these,  he  used  to  say, 
were  entitled  to  a  higher  station  in  dramatic  literature  than  is  usually  assigned  to 
them.  Nor  was  his  taste  exclusively  limited  to  poetry,  he  was  very  partial  to  his- 
torical researches ;  but^although  fond  of  antiquities,  he  was  not  one  of  those  who 
dwell  with  rapture  on  a  rusty  helmet,  or  pour  out  their  soul  over  a  Roman 
altar.  On  the  contrary,  he  held  antiquaries  somewhat  cheap,  and  thought  it  no 
sin  to  impose  upon  their  credulity.  On  one  occasion,  he  mistified  them,  by 
fabricating  a  charter  of  a  very  strange  description,  which  gave  the  learned  men, 
both  of  Modern  Athens  and  Aberdeen,  an  opportunity  of  displaying  their  re- 
search in  its  elucidation. 

This  was  a  document  purporting  to  be  a  Crown  grant  by  Robert  the  Bruce, 
*'  Hebrseo  Judseico"  of  the  lands  of  "  Happerstaines."  The  reddendo  was  very 
peculiar,  being  •*  tria  preputia  aurata."  The  deed  was  slipped  into  a  parcel  of 
genuine  writings,  and  found  by  a  gentleman  who  was  engaged  in  a  topogra- 
phical  work   relative   to   Aberdeen.     The   delight  with  which  this  credulous 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  117 

With  pasteboard  dam  up  Niagara's  flood. 

Bind  with  a  cobweb  Captain  Barclay's  hands,* 

Set  snails  to  hunt  the  Alpine  antelope. 

Dissolve  an  iceberg  in  a  crucible. 

Shout  loud  enough  to  fright  the  antipodes. 

Take  a  boil'd  pea  to  shoot  an  elephant. 

Put  Patrick  Robertson  in  Jeffrey's  fob. 

Saddle  a  mouse  to  carry  Colonel  Teesdale ; — t 

And  when  all  these  are  done — all  these  and  more — 

Then  hope  that  love  will  link  itself  with  law  ! 

Farewell ! — I  would  not  go,  but  cruel  fate 

Has  a  writ  out  against  me,  and  I  must. 

Alas !  my  heart  fails  like  an  English  bank ! 

My  spirit  sinks  far  lower  than  the  funds  ! 

Relentless  fate  !  had  any  but  thyself 

Been  plaintiff  in  this  stern  unnatural  suit, 

1  might  have  gain'd  the  cause,  and  prosper'd  j^et, — 

But  now  I  yield,  for  fhou  nonsuitest  all !" 

G.  M. 

person  received  this  unique  grant  of  land  to  a  jew,  so  far  back  as  the  days 
of  the  Bruce,  may  be  well  conceived.  He  talked  of  it  as  one  of  the  most 
extraordinary  discoveries  of  modern  times, — it  was  to  be  printed, — and  a  fac- 
simile given  : — at  last  he  was  undeceived,  and  his  vexation  may  be  better  imagin- 
ed than  described.  The  fabricated  charter  is  still  preserved  amongst  the  muni- 
ments in  the  house  of  Skene. 

His  death  was  deeply  regretted  by  men  of  all  parties, — his  political  antagonists 
knew  his  worth,  and  respected  his  integrity ;  for  Mr.  Skene  never  sacrificed  his 
notions  of  right  and  wrong  to  party  feeling ;  to  him  a  job  was  a  job,  whether 
perpetrated  by  Whig  or  Tory.  He  was  above  all  the  little  tricks  and  subtleties 
by  which  many  persons  strive  to  get  on  in  the  world, — he  rose  solely  by  industry 
and  talent,  and  he  maintained  his  high  position  by  manliness,  honesty,  and  good 
feeling. 

*  Captain  Barclay  of  Ury,  whose  science  in  re  so-Jtst-ica,  is  well  known. 

■f  Then  Colonel,  now  Major- General  Sir  George  Teesdale.  This  gallant 
officer,  who  was  much  respected  and  esteemed  by  the  inhabitants  of  Edinburgh, 
was  remarkably  corpulent, — his  appearance  on  horse-back  was  consequently  very 
remarkable. 


118  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

XXVII. 

ROBERTSONIANA. 

The  two  first  pasquinades  which  follow,  owe  their  origin  to  a  report,  that  the 
worthy  and  talented  gentleman  who  forms  the  subject  of  them,  had  been 
guilty  of  the  sin  of  ratting.  This  report, — which  was  quickly  spread  by  the 
liberals,  (so  called,  as  it  is  presumed,  upon  the  principle  of  *«  Lucus,  a  non 
lucendo")  who,  no  doubt,  rejoiced  that  they  had  acquired  so  respectable  an 
ally, — arose,  it  is  believed,  in  consequence  of  the  attentions  paid  by  Lord 
Chancellor  Brougham  to  Mr.  Robertson,  while  attending  the  House  of 
Peers  as  counsel  in  various  appeals,  and  the  pleasure  his  Lordship  took 
in  his  company.  Of  course,  his  own  friends  knew,  that  a  more  staunch 
or  zealous  conservative  did  not  breathe,  and  they  were  much  amused  at 
the  exultations  of  the  opposite  party  upon  the  great  accession  of  strength  they 
imagined  they  had  obtained.  No  person  enjoyed  the  thing  more  than  the 
subject  of  it,  and  he  was  amongst  the  loudest  laughers  at  the  verses  made  in 
frolic  upon  him  by  his  friends.  It  is  perhaps  unnecessary  to  say,  that  Lord 
Advocate  Jeffrey  was  as  much  the  author  of  the  epitaph,  as  the  poet  Words- 
worth was  the  author  of  the  sonnet. 

1 

PARLIAMENT-HOUSE  JEU-D'eSPRIT. 

-    When  Brougham  by  Robertson  was  told. 
He'd  condescend  a  place  to  hold. 
The  Chancellor  said,  with  wond'ring  eyes. 
Viewing  the  Rafs  tremendous  size. 
That  you  would  hold  a  place  is  true. 
But  Where's  the  place  that  would  hold  you  } 


EPITAPH 

ON  PATRICK  ROBERTSON,  BY  THE  LORD  ADVOCATE. 

Here  lies  flat, — a  Pat 
Who  long'd  for  that 

Good  thing  prefarmint. 
And  for  that  same 
A  Rat  became. 

And  died  a  varmint. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  119 

3 
SONNET 

TO  PATRICK  ROBERTSON^  ESQ. 

Patrick  !  Thou  whom  no  man  or  mother's  son, 
From  Rydal  northward  to  thine  own  Strathspey, 
The  grave  can  better  temper  with  the  gay ; 

Who  art  in  truth  a  double-barreird  gun. 

One  barrel!  charg'd  with  law,  and  one  with  fun  ; 
Accept  the  customary  votive  lay, 
On  this  the  festive,  though  the  thoughtful  day. 

When  time  another  cycle  hath  begun. 
Spite  of  the  working  of  "  the  people's  bill," 

May  thy  quaint  spirit  long  impart  its  zest 

Unto  thy  daily  life — making  the  year 
One  constant  merry  Christmas — seasoning  still 

The  learning  of  the  law  with  well-tim'd  jest. 

And  meditation  pale,  with  purple  cheer. 

W W DS TH. 

R IM nt, 

Jan.  1836. 

XXVIII. 

THE  BOOK  OF  THE  CHRONICLES  OF  THE  CITY. 

This  clever  production  emanated  from  the  Parliament  House, — a  very  few  copies 
were  privately  printed.  It  relates  to  the  contest  for  the  representation  of  the 
city  of  Edinburgh,  when  John  Learmonth,  Esquire,  was  a  candidate.  As 
all  parties  are  satirised,  a  place  has  been  given  to  it  in  this  collection. 

CHAPTER  I. 

1.  And  it  came  to  pass,  after  many  days,  that  the  man 
Francis  being  well  stricken  in  years,  was  made  one  of  the 
Judges  of  the  land. 

2.  And  the  chief  men  of  the  city,  and  the  Pharisees,  and 
many  of  the  Scribes,  took  counsel  together,  saying,  which  of 


120  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

US  shall  go  up  to  the  Great  Assembly,*  to  sit  there  in  his 
place  ? 

S.  And  one  said,  I  have  spoken  unto  a  certain  young  man, 
which  is  the  chief  of  the  money-changers,  but  he  will  not  go.t 

4.  Another  said,  I  have  written  unto  one  which  is  a 
Scribe,  and  who  is  fled  into  a  far  city,  but  he  has  been  maimed 
and  halt  for  many  days.J 

5.  And  they  wist  not  what  to  do. 

6.  ^  But  lo  I  while  they  yet  doubted,  there  arose  unto 
them  one  John,  whose  father  was  a  Tanner,  a  maker  of 
chariots,  and  a  man  skilful  in  much  cunning  workmanship, 
and  who  had  ruled  oVer  the  city,  when  the  children  of  dark- 
ness were  yet  stronger  than  the  children  of  light : 

7.  And  he  cried  with  a  weak  voice,  and  said,  I  will  go  up 
to  the  Great  Assembly,  to  sit  in  the  place  of  Francis,  which 
is  now  a  judge  : 

8.  Yea,  I  will  leave  my  chariots,  and  my  cunning  work- 
men, and  my  ornaments  of  silver  and  brass,  and  much  leather ; 
all  this  will  I  do  for  you,  because  there  is  none  else.  There- 
fore let  my  name  be  written  upon  the  wall,  and  be  heard 
throughout  the  city  as  a  pleasant  song. 

9.  But  some  murmured,  saying,  who  is  he  that  he  should 
sit  in  the  place  of  Francis,  and  that  his  name  should  be 
written  on  the  wall  ? 

10.  Is  he  not  the  son  of  the  tanner  which  dwelt  by  the 
stinking  pool  ? 

11.  And  others  questioned  him,  saying,  art  thou  not  he 
who  defiled  the  temple,  and  reviled  a  certain  of  the  Priests  ? 

12.  But  he  denied  it  with  an  oath,  saying,  I  am  not  the 
man ;  verily,  I  am  he  that  will,  guard  the  Temple,  and  the 
towers  thereof;  with  my  chariots  will  I  guard  it,  and  with 
my  whole  strength. 

13.  The  Priests  also  will  I  defend,  that  none  may  touch 
a  hair  of  their  heads  ;  am  I  not  myself  a  servant  with  them 

•  Great  Assembly — House  of  Commons.  f  Sir  John  Forbes,  Bart. 

X  Sir  Francis  Walker  Drummond  of  Hawthornden,  Bart. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  121 

in  the  temple,  even  one  of  those  which  receive  tribute  at  the 
gates  ? 

14.  And  those  who  heard  him  said  one  to  another,  even 
let  us  send  him  to  the  Great  Council,  lest  perchance  the 
Sadducees*  should  prevail  against  us. 

15.  ^  Now,  when  the  Sadducees  heard  of  these  things, 
and  saw  the  writing  which  was  upon  the  wall,  they  mar- 
velled as  at  a  great  marvel,  and  were  sore  troubled. 

16.  And  many  said,  this  man  was  one  of  ourselves.  Who 
hath  turned  back  the  wheels  of  his  chariot  ? 

17.  But  others  answered  and  said,  he  was  indeed  one  of 
ourselves,  and  there  is  none  amongst  us  who  now  may  pre- 
vail against  him,  for  he  is  a  dweller  in  the  tents  of  the  city, 
and  his  fathers  before  him,  and  his  corn,  and  his  wine  and 
his  oil,  do  much  abound. 

18.  He  is  a  man  skilful  in  much  merchandize,  and  one  that 
hath  power  over  the  workers  in  brass  and  in  iron,  over  him 
that  smiteth  on  the  anvil,  and  him  that  smootheth  the  har- 
ness. 

19.  Moreover,  there  is  a  certain  man  of  small  stature,  which 
is  a  mason,  and  which  sits  with  Princes,  and  he  will  speak 
for  him  to  every  artificer  in  wood  and  in  stone,  gathering 
them  together  unto  him  as  for  the  battle.f 

20.  Verily,  we  shall  strive  against  him  in  vain ;  therefore, 
when  he  goeth  up  to  the  Great  Council,  let  us  raise  our 
voices  with  one  accord,  saying,  that  we  have  sent  him. 

21.  ^  But  there  arose  unto  them  a  tall  man,  which  was 
one  of  the  chief  Scribes,  whose  nether  raiment  was  as  the 
raiment  of  those  horsing  upon  horses,  and  he  cried  with  a 
loud  voice  and  said,  not  so,  rather  let  it  be  that  we  choose 
one  who  is  a  stranger  in  the  city. 

22.  There  is  a  certain  man  in  a  far  country,  even  CamJ  the 

*   Sadduces— The  Whig  Clique.  f   William  Burn,  Esq. 

%  Cam — Sir  John  Cam  Hobhouse  was  originally  proposed,  but  as  the  Whig 
party  was  divided  on  the  subject  of  his  nomination,  Sir  John  Campbell,  the 
Attorney-General,  was  substituted  in  his  place. 


122  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

son  of  Benjamin,  what  say  ye  unto  him  ?  His  own  land  hath 
spewed  him  out,  therefore  let  him  speak  for  us  in  the  Great 
Assembly. 

23.  But  a  certain  young  man  answered  and  said,  nay, 
rather  let  us  choose  the  man  John,  who  is  of  the  Icingdom, 
which  is  on  the  other  side  of  Jordan,*  over  against  the  city, 
the  son  of  one  of  our  Priests,  and  the  counsellor  of  the  king 
in  a  far  city. 

24  But  the  tall  man  answered  and  said,  hold  thy  peace, 
thou  knowest  nothing  in  this  matter ;  the  man  John  is  a 
man  which  labours  in  his  own  calling,  like  unto  the  beasts  of 
burthen ;  how,  therefore,  can  he  speak  for  us  in  the  Great 
Assembly  ? 

25.  Moreover,  hath  he  not  been  despised  and  rejected  of 
those  among  whom  he  hath  pitched  his  tents  ? 

26.  And  the  young  man  trembled  before  the  tall  man,  and 
his  tongue  cleaved  to  the  roof  of  his  mouth. 

27.  So  they  straightway  wrote  unto  Cam,  the  son  of  Ben- 
jamin, saying,  hasten  unto  us,  and  stay  not  thy  footsteps ; 
for  already  the  enemy  waxeth  very  strong. 

28.  But  he  answered  and  said,  I  have  married  a  wife,f  and 
I  cannot  come. 

29-  ^  Now  when  the  Sadducees  heard  this,  their  hearts 
were  heavy  within  them,  and  they  communed  together,  say- 
ing, what  shall  we  do,  for  the  hand  of  every  man  is  now 
against  us  ? 

30.  But  some  said,  there  is  a  certain  fair  man,  which  is  a 
dealer  in  women's  apparel,  and  whose  name  is  as  the  name 
of  that  which  is  filthy  in  the  sight  of  men, — why  should  not 
that  man  speak  foi*  us  in  the  Great  Assembly  ?  Doth  he  not 
already  rule  over  us  in  our  own  city  ? 

31.  But  the  tall  man,  and  a  certain  man  Andrew,:[:  whose 
voice  was  as  the  creaking  of  the  hinge  which  cryeth  aloud 
for  oil,  answered  and  said,  we  wiU  have  none  of  him,  we  will 

*  Jordan — Fife.  f  A  sister  of  the  Marquis  of  Tweeddale. 

:j:  Andrew  Skene,  Esq.  Advocate. 


COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND.  123 

turn  unto  the  man  John,  which  is  the  counsellor  of  the  King 
in  the  far  city. 

32.  But  there  arose  a  certain  foolish  man,  who  said  unto 
the  tall  man ;  Verily  this  is  a  riddle  unto  me,  and  a  thing 
which  passeth  my  understanding,  yea,  and  the  understanding 
of  all  my  brethren ;  didst  thou  not  say  that  the  man  John 
could  not  speak  for  us  in  the  Great  Assembly,  and  did  we 
not  all  declare  it  ? 

33.  But  the  tall  man  answered  and  said,  What  is  that  to 
thee  ;  follow  thou  me. 


CHAPTER  II. 

1.  But  while  they  yet  reviled  one  another,  and  no  two  of 
them  were  of  one  mind,  behold  the  man  John,  which  was 
the  King's  counsellor,*  appeared  and  stood  in  the  midst  of 
them. 

2.  And  many  said,  surely  this  is  a  great  mystery ;  but 
others  said,  we  are  as  tools  in  the  hands  of  the  tall  man, 
wherewith  he  must  work  his  pleasure. 

3.  Then  he  that  was  the  King's  counsellor  spoke  with  a 
loud  voice  and  said,  I  am  come  hither,  lest  peradventure  you 
should  not  have  sent  for  me  :  who  is  there  who  is  like  unto 
me  to  speak  for  you  in  the  Great  Assembly  ? 

4.  Am  I  not  of  the  kingdom  which  is  beyond  Jordan,  and 
over  against  the  city,  and  the  son  of  one  of  your  Priests  ? 

5.  Have  I  not  done  great  things  for  myself  and  my  whole 
house,  yea,  for  the  land  wherein  I  have  been  a  sojourner,  and 
for  the  people  which  have  cast  me  from  them  ?-(- 

6.  Therefore  let  my  name  be  magnified  among  you ;  let 
it  also  be  written  upon  the  wall,  and  heard  in  the  songs 
of  the  sweet  singers,  playing  upon  an  instrument  of  many 
strings. 

7.  ^  And  those  to  whom  he  thus  spake  answered  and  said ; 
All  this  will  we  do  for  thee,  for  that  thou  art  a  stranger 

*  King's  Councillor — Attorney- General.  f  The  Electors  of  Dudley. 


124  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

amongst  us,  and  art  despised  and  rejected  of  those  to  whom 
thou  art  known. 

8.  And  they  went  with  him  throughout  the  whole  city, 
calling  upon  the  people  to  hearken  to  his  words,  and  give 
ear  unto  his  pleasant  sayings. 

9.  But  many  who  heard  him  said,  the  words  of  this  man 
are  they  not  as  the  words  of  one  who  hath  a  master  over 
him? 

10.  And  some  asked  him  saying,  thou  hast  spoken  of  the 
Temple,*  and  of  the  Priests,  after  the  manner  of  those  who 
delight  in  dark  sayings,  declare  therefore  unto  us  thy  pur- 
pose to  themward. 

11.  And  he  answered,  after  much  questioning,  the  Temple 
I  will  indeed  spare,  hut  I  will  smite  the  Priests  hip  and 
thigh. 

12.  ^l^ive  of  the  Priestsi*  of  the  city  will  I  destroy  utterly, 
and  the  place  which  hath  known  them  shall  know  them  no 
more. 

13.  And  unto  the  rest  I  will  do  in  this  wise, — I  will  make 
narrow  the  hem  of  their  phylacteries,  and  their  fine  linen  I 
will  turn  to  filthy  rags. 

14.  Their  hurnt  offerings:|:  shall  no  longer  fill  their  nostrils 
with  a  pleasant  savour,  but  the  herbs  of  the  field  shall  suffice 
unto  them. 

15.  Their  tribute-money§  I  will  wholly  take  from  them ; 
for  it  is  a  burden  to  the  people,  and  a  heaviness  to  the  sons 
of  men. 

16.  Their  lives  I  will  indeed  spare,  but  the  fullness  of  the 
land  I  will  take  from  them  for  ever. 

17.  51  ^^^  many  who  heard  him  rejoiced  exceedingly  in 
all  his  words,  and  said  one  to  another,  who  is  like  unto  him 

*  Temple — Church  of  Scotland. 

f  Five  of  the  Priests — This  alludes  to  the  five  collegiate  charges  which  were 
to  be  put  down. 

J  This  refers  to  the  reduction  of  the  salaries  of  the  Clergy. 
§  Tribute- Money — Annuity  Tax. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  125 

to  build  up  the  Temple,  and  to  strengthen  the  foundations 
thereof; 

18.  But  others  doubted, — saying,  the  Lord  deliver  us  out 
of  his  hands  ! 

19.  These  things  did  the  chief  men  of  the  city,  and  the 
Sadducees,  striving  one  against  another  with  a  great  strife. 

20.  ^  But  they  wot  not  all  the  while  of  James,  the  son 
of  Roger,  which  was  the  man  of  the  people. 

21.  Now  James  was  a  strong  man,  skilful  in  speech  from 
his  youth  up, — a  despiser  of  Princes,  and  of  their  servants  ; 

22.  Whose  voice  was  as  the  voice  of  the  bulls  of  Bashan. 

23.  And  he  gathered  unto  him  as  many  as  were  in  debt, 
as  many  as  had  fled  to  the  place  of  refuge,  which  is  the  Sanc- 
tuary ;  as  many  as  were  of  evil  report ;  as  many  as  were 
given  to  sudden  change ; 

24.  Also  many  from  Miletus,*,  which  is  the  green  island 
of  the  sea,  whose  hats  and  hosen  were  as  the  hats  and  hosen 
of  the  likenesses  of  the  living  things  whereat  the  ravens  are 
affrighted  and  flee  away. 

25.  With  sticks  and  with  staves  did  they  come. 

26.  Also  the  tailor  after  his  kind,  which  had  eschewed  all 
manner  of  work. 

27.  51  These,  and  many  more,  gathered  he  unto  him,  and 
spake  to  them  with  a  strong  voice,  saying. 

28.  My  horn  is  exalted,  and  the  strength  of  my  right  arm 
is  increased  exceedingly. 

29.  My  enemies  strive  the  one  against  the  other,  and  are 
destroyed  before  my  face. 

30.  My  arch  enemies,  even  the  Sadducees,  have  perished 
before  me  throughout  the  city  ;  my  breath  has  prevailed 
against  them  even  in  Joppa,  and  the  places  on  the  sea-coast. 

31.  In  Joppa  is  a  voice  heard,  even  a  voice  of  lamentation, 
saying,  I  have  piped  unto  you,  but  ye  have  not  danced  ;  ye 

*  The  Irish,  chiefly  non-electors,  who  resided  in  the  Cowgate,  St.  Mary's 
Wynd,  &c. 


126  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

have  been  as  deaf  adders,  and  heard  not  the  voice  of  the 
charmer. 

32.  Verily  I  have  done  mighty  things  for  you,  and  for 
your  children's  children ;  even  I,  James,  the  son  of  Roger, 
with  the  strength  of  my  right  arm,  when  there  was  none  to 
help. 

33.  ^  These  things,  and  many  more,  did  he  speak  unto 
the  people ;  and  his  strength  waxed  greater  every  day. 

34.  That  it  might  be  fulfilled  which  was  spoken  by  him 
whose  belly  was  as  a  round  goblet  that  wanteth  not  liquor, 
even  by  the  prophet  Peter,  saying, 

35.  The  scum  of  the  land  shall  prevail  over  the  fatness 
thereof,  and  no  man  shall  know  in  the  morning  what  the 
evening  will  bring  forth. 

CHAPTER  III. 

1.  Now,  on  the  fourth  day  of  the  week,  which  was  also 
the  day  when  their  King  was  born  unto  them,  the  people 
were  gathered  together  at  the  Mount  of  Proclamation,  a 
little  to  the  eastward  of  the  Old  Synagogue,  which  the  man 
of  small  stature  hath  made  new.* 

2.  Wherein  he  hath  contrived  a  chamber,-(-  even  a  place  of 
counsel,  where  the  counsellors  are  as  dumb  men,  and  no 
voice  is  ever  heard. 

3.  And  the  daughters  of  the  city,  fair  and  pleasant  to  the 
eye,  looked  from  the  windows,  and  from  the  house-tops,  say- 
ing one  to  another.  It  is  good  for  us  to  be  here,  that  we  may 
behold  the  man  James,  which  is  the  man  of  the  people. 

4.  For  we  of  old  have  known^  his  father  Roger,  and  we 
cleave  unto  this  his  son. 

5.  But  some  said.  Where  is  the  man  John  ?  W^hy  tarry 
the  wheels  of  his  chariot  ? 

Mount  of  Proclamation — The  Hustings — Old  Synagogue — St.  Giles, 
f  A  chamber — The  intended  Hall  for  the  Assembly.     %  James  Ayton,  Esq. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  127 

6.  ^  And  others  communed  together,  saying,  What  is  this 
which  is  exalted  ahove  the  heads  of  the  people,  in  the  like- 
ness of  the  accursed  thing,  whereon  the  thief  is  hanged  by 
the  neck  until  his  breath  departeth  from  him  ? 

7.  And  lo  !  there  was  a  voice  heard  saying  aloud, — This 
IS  THE  Ark  of  the  new  Covenant. 

8.  ^  But  while  they  yet  spake,  there  appeared  upon  the 
Ark  as  it  were  three  hosts,  with  banners. 

9-  And  there  came  forth  in  the  midst  of  them  the  man 
Adam,*  which  judgeth  the  city,  having  in  his  hand  a  written 
scroll. 

10.  And  he  cried  with  a  loud  voice,  and  said,  Hear  all  ye 
people,  and  give  ear,  for  the  King  hath  written  unto  you, 
choose  now  a  man  meet  to  speak  for  you  in  the  Great  As- 
sembly, in  the  place  of  the  man  Francis,  which  is  now  a 
judge.   ^ 

11.  If,  therefore,  there  be  any  among  you  who  knoweth 
such  a  man,  let  him  stand  forth  and  declare  his  knowledge. 

IS.  ^  Then  there  came  forth  a  tall  man  of  a  comely  aspect, 
which  dwelleth  in  the  street  of  Princes,  which  had  been  taken 
to  prison,  because  he  could  not  give  tribute  unto  the  Priests. 

13.  Also  a  young  man  which  is  a  scribe  ; 

1 4.  Of  whose  chattering  there  is  no  end. 

15.  And  they  spake  to  the  people  of  James,  the  son  of 
Roger,  magnifying  him  above  all  men,  and  saying : — 

1 6.  Hath  he  not  burst  your  bonds  asunder,  and  cast  your 
cords  from  ye  ? 

17.  And  the  men  from  Miletus  shouted  aloud,  and  danced 
before  the  Ark,  saying, — Thou  hast  said ;  verily,  he  is  the 
man,  and  wisdom  shall  die  with  him. 

18.  ^  Then  there  came  forth  the  fair  mant  which  dealeth 
in  woman's  apparel,  clothed  as  one  having  authority,  having 
round  his  neck  a  chain  of  the  most  fine  gold,  weighing  seven 
shekels ; 

*  Adam  Duff,  Esq.  Sheriff-Depute  of  Edinburgh. 

t  A  fair  man — Lord  Provost  Spittal  who  was  attired  in  his  civic  chain  and 
robes. 


128  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

19.  The  price*  whereof  is  a  burthen  to  the  city  unto  this 
day. 

20.  Whose  hat  was  as  the  hat  of  the  King's  physician  ; 

21.  Or  as  the  tower  of  Lebanon,  looking  three  different 
ways : 

22.  And  he  essayed  to  speak  for  the  man  John,  which  was 
the  King's  councillor;  but  they  shouted  against  him,  and 
gnashed  on  him  with  their  teeth,  and  heard  him  not. 

23.  So  dealt  they  also  with  the  man  Thomas,  which  is  a 
jester  before  the  Lord, — whose  mirth  maketh  the  heart  sad ; 
natheless  jesteth  he  more  and  more. 

24.  5r  Howbeit  there  straightway  came  forth  another 
jester,  even  the  man  Peter,  which  was  the  prophet : 

25.  And  as  he  girt  his  loins  to  speak  for  him  who  was  the 
maker  of  chariots,  a  murmuring  was  heard  in  the  Ark, — who 
is  he  that  we  should  hearken  unto  him  ? 

26.  Doth  knowledge  come  from  the  wine- vat,  or  increase 
of  knowledge  from  the  flesh-pot  ? 

27.  Is  wisdom  born  of  the  abundance  of  the  belly,  or  the 
fullness  of  the  womb,  hath  it  at  any  time  brought  forth  un- 
derstanding ? 

28.  Have  they  brought  up  Behemoth  from  the  waters, — 
have  they  taken  Leviathan  with  a  hook  ? 

29.  Where  is  the  scribe  Francis,  which  came  forth  of  old 
time  upon  the  Ark,  together  with  the  chief  of  the  money 
changers,  and  the  people  were  silent  before  him. — Wliy  is 
he  not  here  ? 

30.  But  many  said,  he  is  not  here,  because  he  hath  fled 
into  a  far  city,  lest  peradventure  we  should  again  say  unto 
him,  get  thee  up  into  the  Ark,  and  speak  for  us  unto  the 
people. 

31.  For  he  is  a  man  that  lacketh  valour  for  the  battle,  and 
when  aforetime  he  went  up  into  the  Ark,  and  heard  the 
shouting  of  the  men  of  Miletus,  the  form  of  his  countenance 
was  changed,  and  his  heart  was  disquieted  within  him. 

*  The  price — An  allusion  to  the  city  debt. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  129 

32.  Therefore  tarrieth  he  in  the  far  city,  and  maketh  as 
though  he  had  been  wounded  as  he  fled. 

33.  ^  But  another  said,  of  a  surety  he  will  return  to  the 
feast. 

34.  For  he  is  a  man  valiant  against  the  wine  pot,  neither 
feareth  he  when  the  multitude  of  meat-offerings  are  arrayed 
against  him. 

35.  He  snufFeth  up  the  savour  afar, — ^he  crieth,  ha  !  ha  ! 
amidst  the  noise  of  the  banquet. 

36.  ^  But  the  man  Peter  lifted  up  his  voice  and  said, — 
Men  and  brethren,  behold,  I  am  one  of  yourselves,      * 


XXIX. 

SPEECH  AT  THE  OPENING  OF  PARLIAMENT,  AS  PROPOSED  AT 
A  CABINET  COUNCIL  ON  SUNDAY  EVENING. 

Upon  the  4th  of  February  1834,  King  William  the  Fourth  opened  the  Parlia- 
ment in  person,  and  in  anticipation  of  the  speech  delivered  on  such  occasions, 
the  ensuing  jeu  d'esprit  was  circulated  throughout  the  Parliament  House,  in 
guise  of  a  humble  broadside,  and  sold  at  the  low  charge  of  one  halfpenny. 

By  Express. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen, 
In  meeting  my  faithful  people  for  the  second  time  under  a 
reformed  constitution,  I  am  happy  to  congratulate  the  nation 
on  the  advancement  of  that  general  prosperity  and  happiness 
which  prevails  throughout  the  country  at  large,  with  the  ex- 
ception of  those  numerous  instances  of  local  distress  with 
which,  in  common  with  you,  I  deeply  sympathise.  At  no 
period  in  our  history  have  these  peculiar  features  more  re- 
markably characterised  the  aspect  of  public  affairs  in  this  em- 
pire, and,  I  doubt  not,  that  with  your  able  and  cordial  assist- 
ance, such  a  state  of  matters  may,  under  the  blessing  of  Pro- 
vidence, be  rendered  permanent. 

9 


130  COURT  OF   SESSION  GARLAND. 

It  is  no  small  addition  to  my  gratification,  that  Ireland  is 
participating  in  the  same  satisfactory  results  ;  and,  although 
the  flagrant  examples  of  outrage  and  violence  which  the  late 
healing  measures,  of  a  coercive  character,  passed  in  regard  to 
that  part  of  the  empire,  were  intended  to  effect,  have  not  yet 
been  entirely  repressed,  I  trust  that  the  further  concessions 
to  the  demands  of  a  lawless  population,  which  will,  in  due 
time,  be  proposed  for  your  consideration,  may  lead  to  the 
complete  re-establishment  of  that  tranquillity  and  union  of 
interests  which  the  separation  of  the  different  portions  of  my 
dominions  is  alone  calculated  to  place  upon  an  efficient  basis.* 

I  continue  to  receive  from  my  allies,  and  generally  from  all 
princes  and  states,  assurances  of  their  unabated  desire  to  main- 
tain and  cultivate  the  relations  of  peace  with  Great  Britain, 
and  it  shall  be  my  constant  endeavour  to  preserve  the  gene- 
ral tranquillity,  so  far  as  consistent  with  the  dignity  of  my 
crown,  and  the  happiness  and  prosperity  of  my  people. 

For  carrying  promptly  and  firmly  into  effect  these  views, 
a  considerable  augmentation  of  the  military  establishment  of 
the  empire  is  indispensable. 

The  negociations,  with  respect  to  the  relations  of  Holland 
and  Belgium,  notwithstanding  the  untoward  events  by  which 
they  have  been  accompanied,  are  in  the  same  state  of  active 
forwardness  in  which  they  have  remained  for  the  last  three 
years.     The  additional  protocols  are  in  preparation."f* 

With  the  same  pacific  objects,  and  with  the  view  of  ce- 
menting our  commercial  relations  with  the  Celestial  Empire, 
I  have  judged  it  expedient  to  accredit,  as  my  representative 
at  that  court,  with  the  fullest  powers,  a  distinguished  naval 
officer,  well  versed  in  the  laws  and  languages  of  the  eastern 
world  ;  and  whose  province  it  shall  be,  while  maintaining  the 

*  •'  The  public  tranquillity  has  been  generally  preserved,  and  the  state  of  all  the 
provinces  of  Ireland  presents,  upon  the  whole,  a  much  more  favourable  appear- 
ance than  at  any  period  during  the  last  year  !!" — King's  Speech  in  Annual  Re- 
gister, Vol.  76,  p.  3. 

t  "  I  have  to  regret,  that  a  final  settlement  between  Holland  and  Belgium  has 
not  yet  been  effected,  and  that  the  civil  war  in  Portugal  still  continu'^s." — lb. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  131 

honour  and  purity  of  our  flag,  to  secure  such  commercial 
advantages  as  may  be  useful  to  Europe,  and  to  Great  Britain 
in  particular,  without  any  expenditure  of  that  pecuniary 
equivalent  to  which  she,  in  common  with  her  allies,  has 
hitherto  been  exposed.  A  copy  of  the  treaty  will,  in  due 
time,  be  laid  before  you. 

The  unfortunate  disputes  between  the  Emperor  of  Russia 
and  the  Sublime  Porte  are  in  such  a  progressive  state  of 
active  adjustment,  as  not  to  stand  in  need  of  any  intercession 
by  force  of  arms  on  our  part,  with  the  view  of  effecting  any 
final  measure  of  immediate  emergency.  I  shall  not  fail,  how- 
ever, to  watch  over  the  progress  of  events  in  this  part  of 
Europe. 

The  position  of  the  affairs  of  her  Most  Catholic  Majesty 
of  Spain,  as  well  as  those  of  her  Most  Faithful  Majesty  of 
Portugal,  remains  unaltered.  Although  at  present  obstruct- 
ed by  the  intrusion  of  internal  discords,  they  are  anxiously 
watched  over  by  the  paternal  care  and  disinterested  solicitude 
of  our  most  faithful  ally,  the  King  of  the  French.  Assisted  by 
that  friendly  interposition,  and  active  military  co-operation 
which  characterise  neutrality,  and  which  I  have  pledged  my- 
self in  every  situation  to  afford,  I  doubt  not  that  those  safe 
and  expedient  views  of  political  aggrandizement  which  his 
Majesty  and  the  French  people  have  so  long  entertained, 
will  be  so  effectually  promoted,  as  to  place  that  kingdom  in 
the  position  among  European  powers  to  which  she  aspires, 
and  to  which  she  is  so  justly  entitled. 

Gentlemen  of  the  House  of  Commons^ 

The  estimates  of  the  year  will  be  forthwith  laid  before 
you.  The  revenue  of  the  past  year  has  greatly  exceeded 
those  most  sanguine  expectations,  which  a  firm  reliance  on 
the  incalculable  advantages  necessarily  attendant  on  a  reform 
of  the  representation  of  the  people  could  have  led  us  to  ap- 
prehend.    Farther  supplies  are  indispensable. 

A  measure  for  the  alteration  of  those  irksome  impositions. 


132  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

commonly  known  by  the  name  of  the  house  and  window 
duties,  which  has  been  so  loudly  and  so  justly  demanded, 
will  be  laid  before  you.  I  regret,  however,  that  from  the 
position  of  our  foreign  relations,  the  unavoidable  expense  of 
our  armed  neutralities  by  sea  and  land,  the  additional  sub- 
sidies due  to  the  King  of  the  Belgians,  and  the  large  grants 
made  by  the  last  Parliament  for  the  restoration  of  freedom  in 
the  West  Indies,  the  relief  which  you  will  be  enabled  to 
afford,  will  be  more  in  the  form  of  an  efficient  and  energetic 
collection  of  this  great  source  of  revenue,  than  of  a  diminu- 
tion of  the  burdens  of  the  people. 

The  relief  afforded  to  the  agriculturist  by  the  repeal  of  the 
duties  on  tiles,  and  which  gave  such  universal  satisfaction  to 
all  classes  of  my  subjects,  has  been  attended  with  such  a  di- 
minution of  the  income  of  last  year,  that  a  new  duty  on 
isinglass,  madder,  and  other  articles  of  foreign  growth,  must 
be  submitted  for  your  consideration.  The  extensive  and 
active  use  of  vitriolic  acid,  as  shewn  by  the  criminal  annals  of 
the  country,  particularly  in  the  manufacturing  districts,  and 
the  importance  of  adhering  to  the  approved  principles  of 
a  general  free  trade,  will,  in  all  probability,  make  it  advis- 
able to  propose  the  total  exemption  from  duty  of  that  im- 
portant article  of  commerce. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen^ 

The  permanent  welfare,  and  immediate  necessary  altera- 
tions of  the  state  of  the  United  Church  of  England  and  Ire- 
land, will  occupy  a  large  portion  of  your  attention.  Measures 
of  a  subversive  nature  perfectly  compatible  with  the  security 
of  that  establishment,  will,  with  my  fullest  approbation,  be 
proposed  for  your  unqualified  adoption. 

With  respect  to  the  Church  of  Scotland,  whose  privileges, 
on  my  accession  to  the  throne,  it  was  my  first  act  to  confirm, 
by  solemn  oath,  the  universal  dissatisfaction  so  loudly  ex- 
pressed, particularly  by  the  dissenting  population  in  that  part 
of  the  kingdom,  on  account  of  their  exclusion  from  all  share 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  133 

in  the  nomination  of  the  clergy,  renders  it  an  imperative  duty 
upon  me,  with  the  view  of  extinguishing  that  clamour,  and 
the  evil  of  patronage  generally,  to  resume  directly,  as  my 
advisers  have  lately  done  indirectly,  the  uncontrolled  right 
which,  as  head  of  the  church,  I  enjoy  of  appointing  all  the 
parochial  ministers  at  pleasure. 

In  a  firm  reliance  on  your  implicit  adoption,  as  in  last 
Parliament,  of  such  measures  generally  as  I  shall  direct  to 
be  laid  before  you,  I  recommend  to  you  to  continue  energeti- 
cally your  arduous  labours  for  the  preservation  of  the  rights 
of  the  Crown,  the  privileges  of  both  Houses  of  Parliament  as 
by  law  unalterably  established,  and  the  advancement  of  the 
public  weal.* 

•  In  the  Age  Newspaper,  February  2,  1834,  occurs  *'  a  King's  speech  as  it 
ought  to  be  spoken.'' — 

Feh.  A.D.  1834. 

**  When,  in  the  exercise  of  those  powers  which  God  and  the  Law  had  en- 
trusted to  me,  I  called  you  together  in  this  place,  I  looked  upon  you  as  those  to 
whom  the  hopes  and  happiness  of  the  great  people  which  I  govern  were  directed 
and  confided.  I  think  it  to  be  my  duty  to  speak  the  truth  with  plainness,  though 
it  should  sound  unpleasantly  in  your  ears.  You  have  neither  fulfilled  those  hopes 
nor  consulted  that  happiness.  And  yet  you  have  been  fairly  tried.  You  have 
had  no  hinderance  from  me  in  the  performance  of  that  work  for  which  I  called 
you  together.  You  have  suffered  no  impediment  to  useful  councils  from  any 
disorderly  impatience  of  my  people.  And  yet,  though  you  have  been  sitting  for 
eight  months,  you  have  done  little  indeed,  that  I  can  hear  of,  for  their  benefit, 
and  nothing  for  my  honour.     I  will  not  trust  myself  to  speak  of  your  own. 

*'  Since  the  prorogation  of  your  sitting,  some  amongst  you,  whom  I  had  in- 
vested with  offices  of  government,  have  aggravated  the  proofs  of  your  and  their 
own  incapacity,  by  weak  attempts  at  pirated  exculpations. 

**  Indeed  I  have  been  rather  hardly  used.  I  was  instructed  that  a  new  model 
of  representation  was  necessary, — that  the  voice  of  my  people  might  be  heard 
in  your  assembly.  Even  against  the  advice  of  some  who  had  proved  themselves, 
in  arduous  times,  the  faithful  servants  of  this  people,  I  consented  to  this  change. 
Nor  will  I  yet  believe  that  I  was  in  error.  But  the  voice  of  my  people  is  not  for 
idle  wranglings,  wasteful  debates,  profligate  expenses,  dishonourable  treaties,  ir- 
religious practices,  and  broken  vows.  Your  own  consciences  will  tell  you, — and 
I  see  by  your  faces  that  they  do  tell  you, — how  grievously  you  have  done  amiss. 
My  conscience  is  concerned  not  to  suRer  a  repetition  of  this  evil.  I  send  you  to 
the  people  for  their  sentence.  I  turn  to  them,  for  whose  good  alone  I  desire,  or 
have  the  right  to  govern,  to  send  men  to  Parliament  better  fitted  by  birth  and 


134  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

XXX. 

THE  KING'S  SPEECH  FROM  THE  AGE. 

Having  given  the  King's  speech,  as  promulgated  in  Scotland,  it  may  be  not  out 
of  place  to  give  the  English  version,  as  contained  in  the  Age  Newspaper, 
2d  February  1834.     Both  fictions  are  excellent  in  their  way. 

On  Tuesday  next,  the  King — God  bless  him  ! — or,  in  his 
name,  certain  Commissioners,  on  whom  we  shall  not  throw 
our  blessing  away,  will  make  a  speech  to  the  Congregated 
Wisdom  of  Lords  and  Commons.  The  King  himself  will 
have  nothing  to  do  with  the  composition  of  this  piece  of  ora- 
tory, and  therefore  it  is  now  an  established  rule  that  it  may 
be  dealt  with  as  we  please,  without  any  fear  of  offending  his 
Majesty. 

We  do  not  pretend  to  have  a  seat  in  the  present  Cabinet — 
we  never  did — and  yet  we  have  sometimes  got  hold  of  a 
Cabinet  secret  or  two.  We  are  too  prudent  to  give  a  hint 
how  we  obtained  our  information — but  it  may  be  relied  on. 
We  feel  it  just,  however,  to  say  that  it  does  not  come  to  us 
through  Lord  Brougham — he  writes  for  another  newspaper. 
Whoever  our  informant  is,  he  has  this  time  supplied  us  with 

education  than  the  greater  part  of  you, — better  fitted  by  energy  of  mind,  and 
uprightness  of  purpose,  to  cause  the  great  changes  which  have  been  made  work 
together  for  the  good  of  the  nation,  and  the  increasing  prosperity  of  all  my  sub- 
jects. 

**  Finally,  I  do  not  desire  to  speak  harshly  even  to  you.  Some  consideration  is 
due  to  your  untoward  situations.  Many  of  you  have  been  sent  unawares  to  a 
task  for  which  you  were  not  fitted, — ^there  is,  therefore,  much  excuse  to  be  made 
why  you  have  been  found  unable  to  perform  it.  Such  may  yet  do  well  in  a  pri- 
vate sphere  of  life,— only  beware  of  making  engagements  in  future  which  you 
are  unequal  to  perform.  In]^mercy  to  yourselves  and  your  poor  families,  I  will 
not  suffer  you  any  longer  to  work  your  own  ruin.  In  mercy  to  the  nation,  I 
tell  you  to  depart.  And  now,  in  the  hope  that  my  people  may  henceforth  be 
fully  and  fairly  represented  in  Parliament,  and  that  peace  and  happiness,  truth 
and  justice,  religion  and  piety,  may  be  established  among  us,  and  in  humble 
reliance  on  the  Divine  blessing,  I  do  dissolve  this  Parliament." 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  135 

a  draft  of  the  Speech  to  be  delivered  on  Tuesday  next — and 
we  lose  no  time  in  communicating  it  to  our  readers.  It  will 
run  as  follows  : — 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen, 
Every  thing,  both  at  home  and  abroad,  is  in  the  most 
flourishing  and  prosperous  condition.  Greatly  are  we  re- 
spected by  the  Foreign  Powers ;  and  our  domestic  state  is 
such  as  to  excite  general  envy  and  emulation.  I  am  happy 
to  inform  you  that  the  Grey  family  have  divided  among  them 
fifteen  new  places  since  T  last  addressed  you.  It  is  a  sign 
of  the  proud  state  of  the  kingdom,  when  we  find  merit  such 
as  theirs  so  acutely  discerned,  and  so  liberally  rewarded.* 

*  In  the  subjoined  brief  abstract  of  the  King's  Speech  for  the  preceding 
year,  February  5,  1833,  the  reader  will  find  a  notice  of  the  number  of  the  Grey 
Family  that  had  at  that  date  been  provided  with  places. — 

•'  The  King's  Speech  will  be  delivered,  per/top*,  by  his  Majesty  on  Tuesday. 

*'  His  Majesty  will  have  to  say,  that  the  West  Indies  are  in  a  state  of  anarchy — 
that  all  the  colonies  are  distracted — and  that  a  dismemberment  of  Ireland  from 
the  empire  is  in  immediate  contemplation. 

"  His  Majesty  will  have  to  say,  that  the  finances  do  not  meet  the  expenditure, 
and  that  bankruptcies  are  increasing  in  a  tenfold  ratio.  He  may  congratulate 
his  hearers  on  the  fact  that  the  funds  are  high,  adding  as  a  reason  that  there  is 
no  other  way  of  employing  capital. 

*'  His  Majesty  may  report  for  the  amusement  of  the  assembled  Houses,  that 
five  or  six  murders  a  day  take  place  in  Ireland;  and  read  over  the  evi- 
dence on  the  Factory  Bill,  as  a  picture  of  the  state  of  the  manufacturers  of 
England.  As  Mr.  John  Marshall  of  Leeds — Mr.  John  Marshall,  of  Leeds,  the 
factory-man — Mr.  John  Marshall  of  Leeds,  who  defeated  Michael  Sadler — is  to 
second  the  address,  he  will  have  an  opportunity  of  communicating  to  the  House 
some  interesting  facts  within  his  own  cognizance  relative  to  this  part  of  the 
Speech. 

•'  His  Majesty  will  have  to  inform  the  Houses,  that  the  King  of  the  Belgians  is 
on  the  best  terms  with  the  King  of  France — that  Antwerp  and  all  Belgium  be- 
long to  the  French — that  Turkey  is  in  the  hands  of  Russia — and  that  Lord  Pal- 
merston  has  been  humbugged  by  Talleyrand. 

*'  His  Majesty  will  congratulate  the  Parliament  on  containing  eight  O'Connells, 
one  Cobbett,  one  Walter,  one  Gully,  one  Buckingham,  one  Whittle  Harvey, 
and  a  fair  proportion  of  blacklegs.  He  will  regret  the  absence  of  Serjeant 
Wilde,  Mr.  Hunt,  Dr.  Bowring,  Mr.  Murphy,  Mr.  Wakely,  Mr.  Thos.  Dun- 
combe,  Mr.  Long  Wellesley,  and  a  few  others,  who  would  have  been  ornaments 
to  the  Senate,  but-who  are  now  excluded,  and  some  of  whom  are  on  board  the 
Calais  packet. 


136  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

My  august  brother,  King  Louis  Philippe,  continues  to  be 
seated  on  that  throne  which  he  so  worthily  won  by  the  aid 
of  the  newspaper  scribes,  whom  he  is  now  putting  into  jail 
by  dozens — and  of  the  respectable  canaille,  who  are  starving 
by  thousands.  His  Most  Christian  Majesty  has  added  no 
small  quantity  to  his  private  wealth  by  the  success  of  his  new 
Houses  in  the  Palais  Royal,  where  the  recreation  and  the 
population  of  his  country  are  so  carefully  attended  to — and 
by  his  judicious  investments  in  the  pawnbroking  line.  It  is 
a  happy  thing  for  a  nation  to  have  a  Monarch  who  directs 
his  attention  with  so  much  assiduity  to  what  is  useful  and 
what  is  agreeable. 

The  Queen  of  Spain  is,  personally,  as  well  as  can  be  ex- 
pected;  and  if  Zea  Bermudez  is  turned  off,  Martinez  de  la 
Rosa  reigns  in  his  stead.  Martinez  is  the  author  of  a 
tragedy,  in  which  circumstance  he  much  resembles  our 
esteemed  Paymaster  of  the  Forces,  Lord  John  Russell,*  and 
if  the  tragedy  of  the  Spanish  Minister  has  been  performed 
with  applause,  while  that  of  the  First  Father  of  Reform, 
and  the  Second  Son  of  the  Duke  of  Bedford,  has  been  con- 
signed to  the  care  of  the  trunk-makers  and  pastry-cooks,  it 
proves  that  our  Minister  is  better  pleased  in  promoting  the 
useful  trades  of  his  country,  than  in  contributing  to  its  fri- 
volous enjoyments.  The  present  state  of  Spain  is  such  as 
to  give  pleasure  to  all  well-regulated  minds ;  for  there  can 
be  found  every  possible  variety  of  political  opinion  in  active 
operation ;  and  it  is  an  agreeable  reflection  for  the  friends  of 
Constitutional  Monarchies  to  make,  that  the  party  which 
espouses  their  cause  is  so  nicely  placed,  that  if  it  succeeds  in 
overthrowing  the  Carlists,  it  must  fall  beneath  the  hands  of 
the  Jacobins  ;  and  if  it  crushes  the  Jacobins,  it  must  infallibly 
yield  to  the  Carlists. 

**  His  Majesty  will  felicitate  the  Greys  on  their  having  got  twenty-seven  of  their 
family  into  place — but  his  Majesty  will  not  speak  the  two  hours'  speech  written 
for  him  by  Lord  Brougham. 

**  Next  Sunday  we  dissect  the  oration  according  to  old  custt)m." 
•  His  Lordship  was  the  author  of  a  prosaic  stupid  play  on  the  subject  of  Don 
Carlbs. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  137 

In  Portugal,  things  are  wearing  a  favourable  aspect.  Urged 
by  the  sacred  principle  of  leaving  to  people  the  free  choice  of 
th^r  Rulers,  we  have  assisted  Don  Pedro,  who  is  detested 
by  the  Portuguese,  and  are  busily  endeavouring  to  drive  Don 
Miguel,  for  whom  they  are  fighting,  out  of  the  country.  It 
is  gratifying  to  reflect,  that  in  this  conquest  of  Portugal,  the 
Portuguese  themselves  have  no  share ;  and  even  national 
vanity  must  be  flattered  by  the  fact,  that  it  has  principally 
been  achieved  by  the  gentlemen  of  St.  Giles's. — [A  loud  up- 
roar of  applause  will  arise  from  the  Tail  at  this  honourable 
mention  of  their  kindred  !] — In  the  meantime,  we  have  so 
happily  protected  the  interests  of  our  ancient  allies,  that  they 
are  relieved  from  all  care  of  commerce  or  agriculture  ;  that 
their  finances  are  in  such  a  state,  as  never  more  to  need  the 
attention  of  a  financier  ;  and  that  the  ancient  and  honourable 
art  of  swindling  is  flourishing  among  them  in  the  most  thriv- 
ing manner,  under  the  august  auspices  of  Don  Pedro. 

It  will  give  you  much  pleasure  to  hear  that  another  an- 
cient ally  has  gone  to  the  dogs — I  mean  to  the  Russians. 
You  are  aware  that  I  allude  to  Turkey,  which  now  is  carved 
and  devilled  to  the  satisfaction  of  the  most  exquisite  gour- 
mand. We  have  displayed  a  noble  attitude  in  this  affair. 
Without  doubt  we  have  been  put  to  no  straits — and  if  we 
have  been  obliged  to  levant^  it  was  only  in  compliment  to  the 
Mediterranean.  The  result  of  the  enterprise  must  be  con- 
solatory to  the  people  of  England,  because  it  secures  to  our 
Russian  friends  the  possession  of  Constantinople,  and  thereby 
introduces  a  new  naval  power  into  European  politics — to  say 
nothing  of  the  pleasant  addition  to  Russian  preponderancy 
with  which  it  will  invest  by  land  that  unambitious  power. 

The  friends  of  free  trade  will  learn  with  satisfaction  that 
the  reciprocity  system  prevails  so  happily  in  Germany,  that 
our  manufactures  will  ere  long  be  wholly  excluded  from  all 
its  States,  while  we  are  bound  to  admit  theirs.  This  is  so 
great  a  triumph  of  philanthropy,  that  I  am  sure  it  will 
make  every  philanthropic  heart  to  sing  for  joy.     As  for  the 


138  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

rest  of  Europe,  the  worthy  Leopold  is  still  in  Brussels  ;  he 
has  not  yet  formally  turned  Papist,  but  he  most  formally 
continues  to  pocket  our  fifty  thousand  a-year,  and  to  sell  the 
cabbages  of  Claremont,  like  a  Royal  merchant,  as  he  is.  The 
rest  of  Europe  is  going  on  as  usual. 

Gentlemen  of  the  House  of  Commons, 
The  noble  animal  which  has  won  so  many  prizes  at  so  many 
cattle  shows  in  the  country,  and  which  rejoices  in  the  name 
of  Althorp,  will,  with  its  usual  clearness  and  sagacity,  unfold 
its  budget  to  you,  by  which  you  will  have  the  pleasure  of 
seeing  that  your  finances  do  not  decline  at  a  faster  rate  than 
a  million  a-year ;  and  that  your  masters,  the  returners  of  the 
reformed  Parliament,  demand  the  remission  of  some  fifteen 
millions  of  taxes.  The  anti-assessed  are  clamorous,  and  the 
officers  of  the  Customs  are  not  busy.  On  the  whole,  yours 
will  be  the  glorious  task  of  endeavouring  to  pay  money  with- 
out having  it ;  which  is,  after  all,  the  main  triumph  of  finance, 
whether  in  public  or  private,  and  which  is  very  frequently 
attempted  by  many  of  the  most  distinguished  persons  in  both 
your  Houses. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen, 

I  do  not  think  I  have  much  more  to  say.  You  will  have 
three  hundred  and  sixty  new  Bills  before  you ;  and  all  the 
laws  of  England,  great  and  small,  to  revise.  You  will  have 
the  pleasure  of  hearing  the  woes  of  Ireland  repeated  to  you 
in  all  the  tones  of  all  the  dialects  of  Irish  for  four  nights  of 
the  week,  and  then  be  told,  "  Och  !  poor  ould  Ireland  has  no 
fair  play  towards  her  in  the  Sassenagh  Parliament — nobody 
never  listens  to  her  by  no  manner  of  manes  at  all ;  and  her 
Mimbers  are  never  left  to  spake  a  word  out  of  their  own  four 
bones.""  You  will  also  hear  an  immensity  of  humbug  de- 
veloped to  you ;  and  as  I  know  you  are  waiting  for  that,  I 
now  dismiss  you,  with  a — hem  !  hem  I — no  matter  what. 

And  his  Majesty  will  lift  up  his  leg,  and — depart. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  139 

XXXI. 
THE  KING'S  SPEECH. 

The  Parliament  House  Version  of  His  Majesty  King  William's  Speech  on 
the  opening  the  Parliament  in  February  1836,  and  most  persons  will  ad- 
mit it  is  fully  as  satisfactory  as  the  one  actually  delivered,  and  infinitely  more 
amusing. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen^ 

I  have  the  satisfaction  of  informing  you,  that  I  continue 
to  receive  from  Foreign  Powers  the  strongest  assurances  of 
their  friendly  disposition  towards  this  country. 

The  imposing  attitude  assumed  and  maintained  by  His 
Most  Christian  Majesty,  the  King  of  the  French,  in  resisting 
the  liquidation  of  the  American  claims,  as  repeatedly  sanc- 
tioned by  treaty,  has  rendered  our  pecuniary  mediation  in- 
dispensable. Acting,  therefore,  in  the  spirit  of  our  recent 
relations  with  France,  I  lost  no  time  in  putting  His  Most 
Christian  Majesty  in  possession  of  the  means  of  satisfying 
demands,  the  admitted  justice  of  which  seemed  foreign  to  the 
matter  at  issue.  I  am  happy  to  say,  that  our  guarantee  for 
repayment  rests  not  only  on  the  same  principles  of  inter- 
national faith,  iwhich  were  acted  upon  in  the  case  of  the 
Austrian  and  Russian-Dutch  Loan,  but  on  the  actual  trans- 
fer of  a  corresponding  proportion  of  Algerine  scrip,  calculated 
at  the  prices  of  the  Day. 

The  same  system  of  active  nonintervention,  which  pro- 
duced such  striking  effects  in  Belgium,  still  deluges  the  plains 
of  the  Peninsula  with  the  blood  of  its  peaceful  inhabitants. 
Arms,  ammunition,  and  other  contrabands  of  war,  continue  to 
be  exported  as  usual,  to  the  great  advantage  of  our  commer- 
cial relations,  and  in  full  accordance  with  our  national  faith. 

The  affairs  of  Belgium  remain  in  the  same  state  of  active 
forwardness,  in  which  they  have  continued  for  the  last  five 
years.  The  protocols,  so  long  in  preparation,  are  still  in  the 
same  state  of  quiescent  advancement. 


140  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

The  alarming  growth  of  the  power  of  the  Autocrat  of  all 
the  Russias  has  naturally  led  to  the  demonstration,  by  public 
meetings  throughout  the  United  Kingdom,  of  approval,  on 
the  part  of  my  faithful  people,  of  the  loyal  conduct  of  his 
Polish  subjects.  The  effects  on  these  meetings  are  already 
apparent  in  the  return  to  this  country  of  a  large  proportion 
of  our  British  capitalists,  and  may  probably  lead  to  ulterior 
measures,  insuring  to  Europe  the  incalculable  advantages  of 
a  general  and  interminable  war. 

I  have  to  congratulate  you  on  the  rapid  and  satisfactory 
adjustment  of  the  claims  of  compensation  on  the  part  of  the 
masters  of  Negro  apprentices  in  the  West  Indies.  The  salu- 
brity of  the  climate,  in  no  respect  yielding  to  that  of  Sierra 
Leone,  has  opened  a  constantly  recurring  source  of  patronage 
in  the  appointment  of  a  stipendiary  magistracy,  of  which  I 
shall  not  fail  to  avail  myself,  and  which  must  naturally 
strengthen  the  hands  of  my  present  servants. 

Gentlemen  of  the  House  of  Commons^ 

I  congratulate  you  on  the  increase  of  the  Revenue  in  each 
quarter  of  the  past  year.  Notwithstanding  this,  you  must 
be  aware,  that  as  usual,  the  diminution  upon  the  whole  is 
considerable.  This  has  enabled  us  to  discharge  our  Americo- 
French  claims,  leaving  a  large  available  surplus  to  meet  the 
expense  of  the  necessary  increase  in  the  standing  army.  It 
is  for  you  to  consider,  whether,  under  these  circumstances, 
the  Estimates  of  the  current  year  may  not  be  dispensed  with. 

While  I  deeply  regret  the  depressed  condition  of  the  agri- 
cultural interest,  it  is  {>ratifying  to  state,  that  the  flourishing 
prospects  of  our  Continental  resources,  will  afford  to  that  in- 
terest the  means  of  relief  to  an  incalculable  amount.  Any 
pressure  which  may  still  remain,  will  be  effectually  relieved  by 
the  removal  of  the  duty  on  hair  powder,  one  of  the  few  re- 
maining poll  taxes  devised  by  the  wisdom  of  our  ancestors, 
for  the  purpose  of  marking  those  invidious  distinctions  of 
rank,  which  are  now  happily  at  an  end.     I  have  no  reason  to 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  141 

apprehend,  that  that  important  branch  of  our  trade,  consist- 
ing in  the  exportation  of  powdered  wigs  to  the  coast  of  Sene- 
gal, will  be  seriously  affected  by  this  measure. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen^ 

The  state  of  Ireland,  as  usual,  occupy  more  than  its  due 
share  of  our  attention.  In  order  to  remove  the  difficulties 
in  the  collection  of  tythes,  it  is  proposed,  that  the  fund 
formerly  destined  for  Protestant  purposes  shall  be  put  en- 
tirely at  the  disposal  of  our  Catholic  Clergy,  ample  compen- 
sation being,  at  the  same  time,  provided  to  such  of  our 
Protestant  Clergy  as  may  survive,  out  of  the  voluntary  con- 
tributions of  our  loyal  Catholic  subjects.  The  fund  thus 
raised,  will  be  placed  at  the  disposal  of  a  Commission,  at  the 
head  of  which  will  be  found  a  distinguished  Member  of  your 
House,  whose  recent  progress  throughout  the  kingdom  I  have 
contemplated  with  peculiar  complacency. 

Should  these  measures  unhappily  fail,  the  end  will  be  ob- 
tained by  the  increased  importation  of  hemp^  the  liberal  dis- 
tribution of  which,  among  our  Protestant  subjects,  will  best 
accord  with  their  own  quiet,  and  the  security  of  that  establish- 
ment, which  I  am  bound  by  law  to  maintain. 

The  unusual  dissatisfaction  expressed  in  Scotland,  both  by 
the  great  and  loyal  body  of  the  Dissenters,  and  by  those  fol- 
lowing the  Established  Form  of  Worship,  in  regard  to  the 
Commission  recently  issued,  for  the  adjustment  of  ecclesiasti- 
cal affairs  in  that  part  of  the  kingdom,  is  the  best  proof  of 
the  popularity  of  that  measure.  It  may  be  proper  for  you  to 
consider  whether  their  remuneration,  considering  the  inde- 
finite nature  and  extent  of  the  inquiry,  and  the  independence 
of  the  Commissioners,  may  not,  with  advantage,  be  put  upon 
a  footing  of  progressive  increase,  proportioned  to  their 
diminished  labour. 

A  complete  reconstruction  and  organic  change,  in  the 
Upper  House  of  Parliament,  I  have  felt  to  be  a  measure 
equally  desired  by  that  House  itself,  and  necessary  for  the 


142  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

security  of  the  Throne.  An  elective  Aristocracy  is  the  true 
safeguard  of  a  hereditary  Monarchy.  In  the  meantime,  un- 
til this  plan  can  be  carried  into  full  operation,  I  have  called 
to  the  Upper  House  the  lady  of  my  first  law-officer,*  whose 
vote  will  be  rendered  available,  under  the  new  form  of  proxy, 
by  her  husband's  voice  in  the  Lower  House  of  Parliament, 
agreeably  to  the  ancient  courtesy  of  England.  By  this  ar- 
rangement, any  collision  between  the  Houses  will  be  avoid- 
ed,— conferences  in  the  painted  chamber  superseded, — and 
the  harmony  of  all  orders  in  the  state  restored.  I  anticipate, 
with  confidence,  that  this  and  the  other  measures,  of  a  final 
though  experimental  character,  which  are  in  contemplation, 
will  secure  to  Great  Britain  the  blessings  which  are  the  cer- 
tain result  of  perpetual  innovation, — the  peaceful  chaos  of 
exhausted  anarchy,  and  the  calm  repose  of  everlasting  con- 
fusion. 

*  Sir  John  Campbell's  lady,  a  daughter  of  Lord  Abinger,  was  created  a 
Peeress,  19th  January  1836,  in  order  to  propitiate  her  husband,  who,  as  Attor- 
ney-General, conceived  he  had  a  claim  to  the  Seals  which  were  given  to  Sir 
Charles  Christopher  Pepys,  Knight,  who  was  made  Baron  Cottenham.  The 
Morning  Chronicle  remarks,  *'  Lady  Campbell's  title  is  taken  from  the  river 
Eden,  in  the  County  of  Fife,  on  the  banks  of  which  Sir  John  Campbell,  (son  of 
the  Rev.  Dr.  Campbell  of  Cupar),  was  born,  and  his  elder  brother,  Sir  George, 
has  a  seat  called  Edenwood.  The  dale  or  strath  of  the  Eden  is  famous  for  its 
beauty  and  fertility,  and  is  celebrated  by  J.  Johnson,  the  Scotch  Poet,  who  lived 
in  the  reign  of  Charles  the  first 

Arva  inter  nemorisque  umbras  et  pascua  laeta 
Lene  fluens,  viireis  labitur  Eden  aquis." 

This  is  all  very  fine  and  sounds  nicely,  but,  alas !  *'  Edenwood,"  the  '•  Seat" 
of  the  elder  brother  Sir  George, — (a  medical  gentleman  from  India,  who  had 
submitted  to  the  infliction  of  Knighthood,) — is  a  small  villa,  with  a  patch  of 
land  surrounding  it,  sufficient  perhaps  for  a  cow's  grass.  It  formerly  bore  the 
romantic  appellation  of  '•  Caldhaughs."  The  political  principles  of  the. late  Dr, 
Campbell  were  Tory. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


143 


XXXIl. 


ACT  OF  SEDERUNT  ANENT  BUGGERS,  A  FRAGMENT  FOUND 
IN  THE  LAIGH  PARLIAMENT  HOUSE. 

The  feeding  of  writers,  by  the  Members  of  the  Faculty  of  Advocates,  with  the 
view,  in  return,  of  obtaining  fees,  seems,  at  a  very  early  date,  to  have  excited 
the  just  indignation  of  the  Senators  of  the  College  of  Justice,  and  the  follow- 
ing Act  of  Sederunt  was  framed,  to  put  down  so  seductive  a  mode  of  enlisting  the 
sympathies  of  the  agent  through  the  medium  of  his  stomach.  The  original, 
which  has  been  brought  to  light  by  the  indefatigable  exertions  of  the  Record 
Commission,  is  in  a  very  decayed  condition,  and  wants  a  few  lines  at  the  end. 
It  is  now  for  the  first  time  printed,  but  it  will  be  undoubtedly  included  in 
the  projected  abridgement  of  the  Acts  of  Sederunt. 


1584. 
Forasmeikle  as  the  courtynge  or  fleechynge  of  agentis,  be 
advocatis  of  our  Councell  and  Sessioun,  has  groune  to  ane 
gryte  hycht,  quhair  throw  the  saids  advocatis  makis  tinsel  of 
their  guid  name  and  reputatioun,  and  meikle  hurte  and  in- 
convenientis  to  suitors  in  our  said  Court  dothe  aryse ;  for  re- 
meid  thairof,  it  is  statute  and  ordained,  that  na  advocatis  sail, 
in  tyme  to  cum,  give  onie  feede,  treate,  or  entertainment  of 
victual,  at  their  awin  houses,  or  in  tapsteris,  to  onie  agentis, 
procutores,  wrytteris,  or  utheris  thair  clerkis,  maire  nor  foure 
tymes  in  ilk  yere,  utherways  the  saids  feedis  sail  be  halden  to 
have  bene  given  spe  numerandcE  pecunice,  and  the  saids  ad- 
vocatis to  be  reckonit  notour  Huggeris,  and  sail  dree  the 
painis  thairto  annexit :  Sic  as,         *         *  *         * 

Cetera  desunt. 


144  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

XXXIII. 
RES  JUDICATA. 

(A  CASE  NOT  YET  REPORTED.) 

Tune — 'Derry  Down. 

The  case  of  Southgates  and  Mandatory  against  Montgomerie,  which  the  reader 
will  find  reported  in  Dunlop,  Murray,  and  Bell's  Court  of  Session  Cases,  vol.  15, 
p.  507,  was  the  foundation  of  the  ensuing  Jeu  D^ esprit.  The  question  at  issue 
was  whether  a  Foreign  judgment  was  to  be  held  as  res  judicata^  or  whether 
it  could  be  impeached  on  cause  shewn  ;  and  after  considering  the  point  in 
cases,  and  hearing  counsel  at  great  length,  it  was  decided  that  such  decree 
affords  only  prima  facie  evidence  of  the  truth  and  justice  of  the  claim,  and  that 
it  may  be  impugned  on  cause  shewn. 

"  With  your  Lordship's  permission,  I  *  now  have  to  state  a 
"^  Remarkable  question  of  Res  Judicata  ; 
"  And  if  more  than  the  usual  noise  I  should  make, 
"  'Twill  be  all  for  the  general  principle's  sake — 
Sing  down,  down,  down,  derry  down. 

*'  The  Pursuer  (one  Southgate)  my  Lofd,  d'ye  see, 
''  From  America  comes  with  his  foreign  Decree ; 
*^  And  thus  there  arises  the  questio  vexata, 
''  Whether  such  a  Decree  is  a  Res  Judicata  ? 
Sing  down,  &c. 

"  'Tis  a  question,  my  Lord,  that  is  fit  to  inspire 
*'  A  Forsyth  or  a  Baird  with  a  Brodie's  own  fire ; 
*'  For  where  is  the  man  who  could  calmly  debate  a 
'^  Real  heart-stirring  question  of  Res  Judicata  f 
Sing  down,  &c. 

''  'Tis  dreadful  to  think  what  the  evils  might  be 
^'  Of  refusing  effect  to  our  foreign  Decree  ; 
*'  If  abroad  we  might  have  executio  parata, 
"  And  yet  be  told  here  'twas  not  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

•  Douglas  Cheape,  Esq.  Professor  of  Civil  Law  in  the  University  of  Edinburgh, 
who  opened  the  case  for  the  pursuers. 


(C 


C{ 


C( 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  145 

It  no  doubt  is  true,  the  Defender,  Montgomerie, 
Says,  we  got  our  Decree  in  a  way  rather  summary ; 
But,  my  Lord,  that  Decree  is  probatio  probata — 
We're  entitled  to  stand  on  our  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 


For  the  doctrine  of  Erskine  we  care  not  a  straw, 
"  For  ours  is  a  case  for  a  far  higher  Law ; 
"  By  the  Law  both  of  Rome  and  of  '  Nations  and  Natur,' 
"  Ev'ry  Cockney  must  see  it's  a  Res  Judicatur, 
Sing  down,  &c. 

'^  Your  Lordship  perceives  that  'twere  quite  out  of  place 
"  To  enter  at  large  on  the  facts  of  the  case  ; 
"  Tho'  if  e'er  there  were  facts  which  appear'd  pro  re  nata, 
"  'Tis  in  this  very  question  of  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c» 

"  But  what  Court  of  what  Country  the  Sun  ever  saw, 
''  Would  look  at  the  Facts  in  the  face  of  the  Law  ? 
*'  From  the  banks  of  the  Ganges  to  those  of  La  Plata, 
"  All  facts  are  alike  in  a  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

*'  What  says  the  great  Huber  ?  What  says  the  great  Voet  ? 
"  Nay,  What  says  the  great,  the  illustrious  Groot 
"  Dum  public  a  Jides  est  intemerata 
"  Ubique  servanda  est  Res  Judicata." 
Sing  down,  &c 

Says  the  opposite  Counsel*  (we  name  not  his  name), 
"  I  fear  after  this  that  my  speech  may  seem  tame ; 
''  But  I  think  I  can  show,  on  my  Brother's  own  data, 
"  Though  he's  got  a  decree,  'tis  not  Res  Judicata" 
Sing  down,  &c. 

And  then  he  went  on  in  his  own  quiet  strain. 
The  facts  of  this  outlandish  case  to  explain ; 

*  John  Cowan,  Esq.  junior  counsel  for  the  defender. 

10 


146  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

He  allow'd  that  his  client  was  "  not  the  potata," 
But  still  he  denied  it  was  Res  Judicata, 
Sing  down^  &c. 

He  fairly  confess'd  there  was  much  to  be  said 
Of  the  way  that  poor  Southgate  by  him  was  misled  : 
No  doubt  there  was  culpa — perhaps  culpa  lata — 
Yet  he  scouted  the  notion  of  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

He  candidly  own'd  he  was  nothing  afraid 
Of  the  learn'd  display  his  Brother  had  made  : 
He  was  welcome  to  read — if  he  could,  to  translate  a 
Whole  volume  of  Voet  upon  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

He  thought  the  case  lay  in  much  narrower  room 
Than  his  Brother  throughout  had  been  pleased  to  assume ; 
'Twas  a  case  of  pecunia  non  numerata. 
Which  is  very  distinct  from  a  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

By  HuBER  or  Voet  though  he  might  not  be  back'd. 
Yet  to  him  it  appear'd  a  plain  question  of  fact  : 
And  as  well  might  they  sing  an  Italian  Cantata, 
As  argue  the  case  upon  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

He  did  not  intend  just  at  present  to  go 
Into  all  the  transactions  with  Hancock  &  Co  ; 
But  certain  he  was  there  was  no  vox  signata 
Whose  meaning  was  plainer  than  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

He  might  further  observe,  that,  howe'er  that  might  be. 
They  had  always  the  other  St.  Croix  Decree  ; 
And  perhaps  they  might  move  for  an  order  to  freight  a 
Stout  ship  to  go  out  for  their  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  14? 

Next  the  Senior  Counsel  for  Southgate  began — * 
He  affirm'd  as  a  Lawyer,  and  felt  as  a  Man, 
That  where'er  there  clearly  was  a  lis  coniestata. 
The  judgment  which  followed  was — Hes  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &C. 

"  Were  proceedings  (said  he)  in  each  country  renewed, 
"  And  the  flying  Defender  in  this  way  pursued, 
*^  We  should  have  Jurisdidio  non  explicata, 
"  Which  can  never  result  from  a  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

''  If  this  were  the  Law,  then,  of  course,  every  Spring, 
"  Defenders,  like  woodcocks,  would  henceforth  take  wing, 
'^  And  the  very  worst  case  might  be  mtio  purgala, 
''  Just  by  shifting  the  scene  of  the  Res  Judicata  I 
Sing  down,  &c. 

*'  Suppose  the  Pursuer,  my  Lord,  to  pursue 
''  Some  travelling  Merchant — some  wandering  Jew — 
''  What  avails  your  Decree,  if  the  whole  Gens  barbata 
^'  Might  cry,  with  one  voice,  '  Tish  not  Reesh  Judicata  !' 
Sing  down,  &c. 

*'  But  my  Friend  puts  a  case — '  Supposing,'  says  he, 
^' '  That  the  only  point  ruled  by  this  foreign  decree 
a  (  W'ere  a  point  of  Scotch  Law:  must  the  foreign  Errata 
"  '  Be  sanction'd,  because  it  is  Res  Judicata  V 
Sing  down,  &c. 

"  Now,  in  answer  to  this,  I  would  ask,  in  what  School 
"  The  single  Exception  is  held  as  the  Rule  ? 
"  The  Rule  is,  in  fact,  exceptionejirmata, 
"  A  maxim  which  long  has  been  Res  Judicata, 
Sing  down,  &c. 

''  Having  stated  thus  much,  I  need  hardly  bestow  a 
"  Single  word  on  the  rival  Decree  of  St.  Croix  : 

•  John  Hope,  Esq.  Dean  of  Faculty. 


148  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

"  For  a  Res  inter  alios  at  the  Equator 
"  No  Cockney  could  hold  as  a  Res  Judicatur. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

"  If  Titius  and  Maevius  there  should  unite, 
"  To  prove  that  Sempronius's  Sambo  was  while, 
"  Must  Yamba,  the  Timbuctoo  Merchant,  abate  a 
'*  Single  cowrie  of  price  on  this  Res  Judicata  ? 
Sing  down,  &c. 

"  Here  Yamba,  my  Lord,  might  most  properly  say, 
"  '  It  matters  not  whether  he's  black,  white,  or  grey — 
'^ '  This  is  Mera  potestas,  et  non  prorogata — 
**^  '  And  I  don't  give  one  yam  for  your  Res  Judicata  V 
Sing  down,  &c. 

'^  On  the  whole,  then,  my  Lord,  keeping  these  things  in  view, 
^^  And  attending  throughout  to  the  case  of  the  Jew, 
"  We  submit  'twill  be  dies  carbone  notata, 
'^  When  a  Judgment  like  this  is  not  Res  Judicata'* 
Sing  down,  &c. 

Then  Montgomerie's  Senior  rose  in  reply — * 
That  his  friend  had  been  able  he  could  not  deny : 
Yet  the  case  was  imtouch'd  in  those  deeper  substrata 
Into  which  one  must  look  for  a  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c 

'Twas  there  that  the  thoughtful  inquirer  must  trace 
The  great  leading  rules  which  must  govern  the  Case  : 
He  almost  might  call  them  the  Desiderata, 
In  treating  a  question  of  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

The  Law  of  his  Brother  he  scarcely  could  meet. 
For  'twas  Law  in  the  abstract  and  not  the  concrete : 
His  in  fact  was  throughout  far  too  much  of  a  meta- 
physician's idea  of  Res  Judicata. 

Sing  down,  &c. 
*  Andrew  Rutherfurd,  Esq.  then  Solicitor-General,  now  Lord  Advocate. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  149 

He  urged  the  ease  on  the  common  mistake. 
That  Decrees  were  pronounced  for  mere  principle's  sake : 
He  really  was  grieved  that  he  should  propagate  a 
Crude  notion  like  this  upon  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

Of  the  Law  of  the  Romans  he  merely  would  say, 
That  it  now  had  been  stated  in  quite  a  new  way : 
For  at  least  the  Comitia  Centuriata 
Always  spurn'd  at  the  doctrine  of  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

Of  the  case  of  the  Negro  he  could  not  allow, 
For  that  was  a  case  of  apprenticeship  now  : 
His  friend  really  made  the  most  strange  postulata, 
In  stating  this  question  on  Res  Judicata  ! 
Sing  down,  &c. 

For  the  case  of  the  Jew  he  was  hardly  prepared  ; 
And,  on  such  an  occasion,  it  might  have  been  spared : 
He  envied  not  those  who  could  try  to  create  a 
Foolish  laugh  on  a  subject  like  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c, 

Jurisdiction  (he  said)  was  a  delicate  thing : 
And  as  to  Defenders  henceforth  "  taking  wing" — 
'Twas  a  question  amhagibus  multis  nodata  : 
But  one  thing  was  clear — 'twas  not  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

A  full  week  or  more  in  this  way  had  been  past. 
And  even  his  Lordship  was  wearied  at  last : 
For  they  held  him  in  solidum  'stead  oi  pro  rata, 
And  nothing  was  heard  but  their  Res  Judicata. 
Sing  down,  &c. 

If  you  came  to  the  House  any  morning  at  Nine, 
You  would  probably  find  them  just  crossing  the  Line  : 
If  you  staid  on  till  Three ^  (quod  aver lerent  fata  !) 
There  was  Echo  still  answering  ^'  Res  Judicata  !" 
Sing  down,  &c. 


150  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Every  Counsel  was  dumb — every  Clerk  in  despair — 
And  The  Haigs  came  half-way  up  the  Library  stair ; 
When  at  length  said  his  Lordship,*  "  Biberunt  sat  prata — 
"  Is  my  Life  to  be  made  a  mere  Res  Judicata  f 
Sing  down,  &c. 

'*  For  more  than  a  week  has  the  case  stopp'd  the  Roll, 
*'  Yet  a  part  is  but  heard — which  is  less  than  the  whole ; 
"  So  I'll  now  put  the  matter  on  quite  a  new  basis — 
''  You  have  made  it  so  clear,  that  I  must — order  Cases."* 
Sing  down,  &c. 

XXXIV. 

HER  MAJESTY'S  MOST  GRACIOUS  SPEECH,  DELIVERED  AT  THE 
OPENING  OF  PARLIAMENT  ON  THE  5th  OF  FEBRUARY  1839. 

No  Royal  Speech  was  issued  from  the  Parliament  House  of  the  Modern 
Athenians,  upon  occasion  of  the  opening  of  the  first  Parliament  of  Queen 
Victoria,  on  the  20th  Nov.  1837. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen, 

In  again  meeting  my  Reformed  Parliament,  I  beg  to 
congratulate  you  and  the  Country  on  the  universal  Tran- 
quillity and  Contentment  prevailing  throughout  the  Empire, 
at  Home  and  Abroad,  and  particularly  in  the  Kingdom  of 
Ireland,  and  in  the  Provinces  of  Upper  and  Lower  Canada. 

I  continue  to  receive  from  all  Foreign  Powers  the  most 
satisfactory  accounts  of  the  Prosperous  State  of  their  Domi- 
nions, and  assurances  of  their  Amicable  Feeling  towards  this 
Country,  on  both  of  which  I  can  place  equal  reliance.  The 
rightful  Heir  of  the  Throne  of  Caboul,  having  extinguished 
the  light  of  his  Predecessor,  has  naturally  turned  his  own 
eyes  to  the  concentration  within  narrower  limits  of  my 
Dominions  in  the  East ;  and  as  he  is  aided  in  his  exertions 
by  the  Schah  Soojah  (who  is  about  to  resume  his  seat  on  the 
Guddee  of  Persia),  I  doubt  not,  that,  in  the  course  of  a  few 
years,  these  combined  Powers  will  remove  all  difficulty  as 

•  Lord  Jeffrey, — who,  after  hearing  the  counsel,  pronounced  an  order  for  cases. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


151 


to  the  Government  of  my  Possessions  in  that  part  of  the 
World. 

Europe  is  in  a  state  of  Tranquillity  equally  exhilarating, 
and  no  interference  on  the  part  of  Great  Britain  is  required 
for  expediting  the  active  measures  now  in  full  vigour  in 
Spain  and  Portugal.  Our  West  Indian  Colonies  have,  by 
the  removal  of  Slavery,  and  the  consequent  establishment  of 
one  universal  holiday,  ceased  to  be  the  seat  of  the  labours  of 
Business,  and  are  relieved  from  the  weight  of  profitable  and 
unprofitable  speculation.  The  repeated  outbreaks  in  Canada 
have  tended  to  forward  in  no  small  degree  the  extension  of 
that  great  spirit  of  Liberalism  which  it  is  the  main  object  of 
my  enlightened  Government  to  render  universal. 

The  unexpected  advent  in  this  Country  of  the  most  august 
Ex- Autocrat  of  all  the  Canadas — an  event  of  an  unusually 
auspicious  character — has  given  universal  satisfaction  to  my 
Liberal  Subjects.  It  has  at  the  sametime  tended  in  a  most 
remarkable  manner  to  strengthen  the  hands  of  my  Faithful 
Servants,  whose  devotion  to  me  has  been  such  that  no  idle  or 
fastidious  attachment  to  Principle,  Honour,  or  Consistency, 
has  for  a  moment  led  them  to  contemplate  the  possibility  of 
deserting  their  Royal  Mistress.  Their  enlightened  Chief 
has,  with  the  most  praiseworthy  zeal,  and  with  a  total  aban- 
donment of  the  comforts  of  Domestic  Life,  devoted  himself 
entirely  to  personal  attendance  upon  me.*  He  has  never  left 
me  for  one  moment  to  solitary  reflection,  or  allowed  the  in- 
trusion into  my  presence  of  any  of  those  disloyal  subjects 
who  are  blind  to  the  spirit  of  the  age,  and  attached  to  the 
antiquated  forms  of  a  Constitution,  parts  of  which  still  pre- 
sent an  untoward  resistance  to  the  true  principles  of  Utility 
and  overwhelming  Reform. 

Gentlemen  of  the  House  of  Commons, 

I  congratulate  you  on  the  state  of  our  Finances,  and 
specially  on  the  felicitous  circumstance,  ^at  it  has  been  consi- 

*  Lord  Melbourne,  whose  perpetual  dining  with  her  Majesty  was  the  subject 
of  great  ridicule. 


152  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

dered  unnecessary  to  appropriate  any  surplus  of  the  Revenue 
towards  the  diminution  of  Our  Liquidated  Capital.  I  trust 
that  the  Estimates  which  I  have  ordered  to  be  laid  before 
you  will  meet  with  your  entire  satisfaction ;  more  particu- 
larly as,  from  the  efficient  state  of  Our  Marine,  and  the 
eventual  diminution  of  Our  Land  Forces  on  Foreign  Service 
and  in  Ireland,  any  farther  Expenditure  on  these  heads 
becomes  equally  unnecessary  and  inexpedient.  The  increase 
of  the  Civil  Lists  has  arisen  exclusively  from  the  expense  of 
the  laborious  and  unremitted  attendance  on  the  Royal  Per- 
son by  the  First  Lord  of  the  Treasury,  and  of  the  enter- 
tainments at  my  Palace  at  Windsor,  which,  on  behalf  of  a 
grateful  Nation,  I  was  advised  respectfully  to  tender  to  the 
Royal  Ex-Dictator*  and  his  accomplished  Consort. 

My  Lords  and  Gentlemen^ 

I  recommend  to  your  earliest  attention  the  Improvement, 
by  Railroads,  Canals,  Harbours,  and  otherwise,  of  the  King- 
dom of  Ireland.  Happily,  in  that  Country,  the  security  of 
human  life  is  now  equal  to  the  Peasant  and  the  Peer.-|-  The 
Agitator  has  been  followed  by  the  Precursor ;  and  the  pro- 
spect of  the  total  abolition  of  Tithes,  renders  it  unnecessary 
farther  to  discuss  the  question  relative  to  the  Appropriation 
of  the  Surplus  Revenues  of  the  Church  to  secular  purposes. 
It  will  be  more  expedient  to  leave  such  matters,  as  well  as 
the  subordinate  points  respecting  the  stability  of  the  Protes- 
tant Church,  both  in  England  and  in  Ireland, — the  existence 
of  the  Presbyterian  form  of  Church  Government  in  Scot- 
land,— ^Universal  Suffrage, — Vote  by  Ballot, — Taxes  upon 
Corn,  and  the  like,  to  remain  open  questions  for  discussion 
amongst  the  intelligent  masses  of  the  People,  in  full  Torch- 
light Meetings,  orderly  assembled.  I  am  led  to  believe,  that 
the  stability  of  my  Throne  rests  entirely  upon  my  con- 
tinuing to  be  surrounded  by  my  present  Advisers ;  and  as 
the  permanency  of  their  position  might  be  affected  by  the 

*  Earl  of  Durham. 

I  Referring  to  the  atrocious  murder  of  the  Earl  of  Norbury. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  153 

discussion  of  all  or  any  of  these  questions  in  Parliament, 
according  to  ancient  Custom,  it  is  my  will  and  pleasure,  as 
an  independent  Sovereign,  that,  for  the  present,  this  em- 
barrassing practice  shall  be  suspended.  In  this  way,  the 
Kingdom  will  enjoy  the  security  of  that  happiest  repose, 
which  consists  partly  of  ignorance,  and  partly  of  disregard 
of  the  dangers  now  threatening  a  total  overthrow  of  our 
Institutions,  Civil  and  Sacred. 

XXXV. 
SONG 

ON  THE  ACQUITTAL  OF  HENRY,  LORD  VISCOUNT  MELVILLE. 

This  amusing  pasquinade  was  written  on  occasion  of  the  dinner  given  in  Edin- 
burgh, by  the  tory  party,  upon  the  acquittal  of  Lord  Viscount  Melville  from 
the  impeachment  brought  against  him,  in  1806.  The  authorship  is  disputed, 
—it  has  been  ascribed  to  Lord  John  Townsend,  and  to  the  late  Lord  Chief 
Commissioner  Adam,  but  erroneously,  as  we  have  good  reason  to  believe 
it  came  from  the  pen  of  a  distinguished  Barrister,  and  still  more  distinguished 
Judge,  whose  recent  retirement  from  the  bench  has  been  so  much  regretted 
by  the  legal  world. 

We're  met  here  to  swill  hoys,  and  gobble  down  victuals. 

In  honour  of  one  of  the  rarest  acquittals. 

Of  one  whose  services  we  may  prize  dearly, 

Sae  let  us  get  drunk  my  Boys,  hooly  and  fairly, 
Hooly  and  fairly,  Hooly  and  fairly, 
Sae  let  us  get  drunk  my  boys,  hooly  and  fairly. 

All  Scotland  fa'  prostrate  and  worship  Old  Harry, 

Wha  for  twenty  lang  twelvemonths,  a'  measures  could  carry, 

Wha  play'd  the  political  game  late  and  early. 

And  hook'd  a'  our  noses  here,  hooly  and  fairly, 

Hooly  and  fairly,  &c. 

A  Statesman  mair  bounteous  ne'er  shone  in  a  nation. 
For  every  snug  place  he  found  some  relation. 
The  place  and  the  man  fitted  roundly  and  squarely, 
Sae  here's  long  life  to  him,  hooly  and  fairly, 

Hooly  and  fairly,  &c. 


154  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

The  Hopes  and  Dundasses^  ye've  here,  troth,  by  dizzins. 
Hail  brothers,  half  brothers,  and  seventeenth  cousins, 
Weel  may  ye  drink  to  him,  aince  ye  ga'ed  barely. 
But  we'll  a'  get  places  now,  hooly  and  fairly, 

Hooly  and  fairly,  &c. 

There's  Session-Clerks,  Sheriffs,  Excisemen,  and  Lordies; 
A'  may  drink  Harry  while  clinking  their  Geordies, 
Tak'  aff  ye're  tippenny,  dinna  do't  sparely. 
For  ye're  now  in  snug  places  lads,  hooly  and  fairly, 

Hooly  and  fairly,  &c. 

He  maun  hae  a  lang  spoon  that  sups  wi'  the  deil  man, 
He  maun  hae  a  rough  grup  that  handles  an  eel  man, 
A  fig  for  the  Brewer*  and  a  your  band  Charley, ^ 
He  slipt  thro'  their  fingers  lads,  hooly  and  fairly, 

Hooly  and  fairly,  &c4 

•  The  late  Samuel  Whitebread,  M.  P.  who,  it  is  almost  unnecessary  to  men- 
tion, was  an  extensive  brewer. 

f  Right  Hon.  Charles  James  Fox. 

\  We  believe,  at  the  present  date  (1839,)  as  political  bias  against  his  Lord- 
ship has  subsided,  that  all  parties  consider  the  decision  of  the  House  of  Peers  as 
a  most  just  one.  That  Lord  Melville  was  careless  in  money  matters,  is  plain 
enough,  and  that  he  acted  foolishly  in  reposing  confidence  where  he  ought  not, 
is  sufficiently  obvious ;  but  that  he  was  guilty  of  peculation,  is  altogether  un- 
founded. Had  he  been  tainted  with  the  vice  of  avarice,  would  he  have  died  the 
•poor  man  he  did  ?  Or  would  his  son  ever  have  parted  with  his  beautiful  estate 
of  Duneira  to  pay  the  debts  of  his  father  ? 


EDINBURGH  : 

PRINTED  Br  ALEX.  LAWRIE  &  CO. 

NORTH  BANK  STREET. 


\j 


THE 

COURT  OF  SESSION 
GARLAND. 


^art  Stcontr. 


Sir  Toby. — Dost  thou  thinks  because  thou  art 
virtuous,  there  shall  be  no  more  cakes  and  ale  ? 

Clown. — Yes,  by  Saint  Anne ;  and  ginger  shall 
be  hot  i'  the  mouth  too. 

TWELFTH  NIGHT. 


EDINBURGH: 
PRINTED  FOR  PRIVATE  CIRCULATION. 
M.DCCC.XXXIX. 


ffitt^  eopit^  ^tintetr. 


\\ 


CONTENTS. 

Page 

1.  Scene  from  the  Jury  Court  Opera,          .            .           .  1 

2.  Peter's  Address  to  Bobby,         .          .          .          ...  3 

3.  Turf  Intelligence  Extraordinary,             ...  4 

4.  Book  of  the  Proclamations,           ....  7 

5.  Fatal  Effects  of  Gastronomy  inscribed  to  trading  Lawyers, 

1.  Tale  of  a  Woodcock,             .               .           .  12 

2.  A  Tale  of  Stafford,          .          .           .          .  14 


I 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

I. 

SCENE  FROM  THE  JURY  COURT  OPERA. 

ATTRIBUTED    TO 

D C-.— ,  Esq. 

Scene, — Robing  Room  after  Trial. 
TuNE.—'^  The  Rogues  Marchr 

Chief  Commissioner  Sings, 

Oh  there's  nothing  on  Earth 

That  in  sorrow  or  mirth. 

So  sweetens  our  mortal  existence. 

As  thus  to  repay. 

In  a  true  Judge-like  way, 

A  friend  for  his  friendly  assistance. 

Indeed  'tis  the  principal  beauty 

Of  our  otherwise  comfortless  duty. 

That  we're  only  to  lean 

To  the  side  that  we  mean. 

To  suifer  to  pocket  the  booty. 

1 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 


PiTMILLY. 

Great  Solon  of  old, 

As  by  Sandford  we're  told, 

Made  a  law  for  the  ancient  Athenians  ; 

That  no  one  in  future 

Should  ever  stand  neuter, 

Tho'  it  suited  his  private  convenience. 

I  don't  know  if  it  strikes  you  so, 

I  never  the  subject  would  view  so ; 

But  it  can't  be  denied 

We  should  all  take  a  side 

When  we  find  it  convenient  to  do  so. 

Gillies. 

Some  have  ventured  of  late 

For  to  in-si-nuate 

That  justice  should  be  perfect  blindness. 

Or  not  condescend  to  look  on  a  friend 

With  any  particular  kindness  ; 

But  this  all  contemptiblfc  fudge-is 

Invented  by  Moralist  drudges. 

The  man  d'ye  see 

Who's  a  good  friend  to  me. 

Shall  ne'er  want  a  friend  'mong  the  judges. 

Chief  Commissioner. 

They  say  Politics 

Ought  never  to  mix 

Injudicial  determinations. 

And  that  we  should  be 

All  perfectly  free 

From  such  pitiful  considerations : 

But  really  it  seems  rather  grievous 

Of  our  great  Polar  Star  to  bereave  us, 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

For  take  this  away^ 

And  tell  me,  I  pray^ 

What  general  rule  would  they  leave  us. 

CHORUS. 

Then  let  us  all  sing 

Long  life  to  our  King, 

Who  gave  us  our  Pensions  and  Places, 

May  the  Court  where  we  sit. 

And  all  about  it. 

Be  placed  on  a  permanent  basis ; 

May  we  each  be  as  true  to  his  brother. 

As  the  devil  e'er  was  to  his  mother. 

May  we  answer  the  ends 

Of  ourselves  and  our  friends. 

And  do  credit  the  one  to  the  other. 


11. 


PETER'S  ADDRESS  TO  BOBBY. 

Rising  with  sweet  obtrusive  voice  to  claim 

A  bumper  to  that  dear  obnoxious  name, 

I  feel  as  when — here  standing  as  I  do. 

And  all  unused  to  public  speaking  too ; — 

That  where  the  soul  with  retrospective  eye 

Pierces  the  gloom  of  bright  futurity. 

Or  darts  its  dull  anticipative  gaze 

Up  the  long  vista  of  departed  days. 

Some  object  still  uprears  its  widowed  form. 

And  sheds  its  own  hypothec  o'er  the  storm. 

Staunches  the  echo  of  the  bleeding  mind. 

Nor  leaves  the  soul,  one  shred  or  snatch  behind. 

Bard  of  the  Seasons,  hail !  I  turn  to  thee 
With  concupiscent  retromingency ! 
Whether  I  see  thy  non-adhesive  hip 
Witching  the  world  with  noblest  horsemanship. 


4  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Or  hear  thee  in  the  house  with  looks  severe 
Pour  amorous  nonsense  in  a  Judge's  ear, — 
And  pausing  'mid  the  dear  redundant  strife 
To  look  if  thy  opponent's  still  in  life  : 
Or  sit  at  Overgroggy's  board  the  while. 
And  mark  thee  mutely  speak  and  boldly  smile. 
Waving  thy  ruby  flag  until  it  fall 
Into  intoxication's  blue  canal. 

Thomson,  a  man  than  whom, — but  to  return  : 

Crown  me,  ye  Nine,  with  yonder  chamber  urn ; 

If  here  I  don't  retract  without  delay 

All  that  I  did,  or  did  not,  mean  to  say : 

And  that  there  may  be  no  mistake  in  fact. 

This  retractation  I  again  retract. — 

My  feelings  overpower  me  now — but  when 

The  period  shall  arrive,  if  ever, — then 

My  heart  is  in  the  bottle  there  with  thee. 

And  I  must  wait  till  it  comes  back  to  me. 

III. 

TURF  INTELLIGENCE  EXTRAORDINARY. 

From  the  Constitution  Newspaper,  28th  November  1838,  No.  2\. 

Great  interest  has  been  excited  among  the  "  knowing  ones' 
in  the  Parliament  House,  by  the  race  for  the  Banff  Stakes, 
which  came  off  yesterday  : — 

Stewards, 

John  A.  Murray,  Esq.  M.P. 

Adam  Black,  Esq.  Treasurer  of  the  City. 

Peter  Crooks,  Esq.  W.S. 

Judge, — Daniel  O'Connell,  Esq. 

The  following  state  of  the  entry,  accompanied  by  a  few 
remarks  upon  the  performances  and  character  of  each  of  the 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  5 

horses,  was  forwarded  to  us  by  a  sporting  friend,  too  late  for 
insertion  last  week. 

The  Marquis  of  Breadalbane's  bl.  colt,  Corkscrew,  by- 
Vinegar,  out  of  Canvasser's  dam.  The  temper  of  this  horse 
is  very  bad,  and  his  breeding  inferior.  He  did  a  great  deal 
of  work  with  the  Fox-hounds  in  the  Perthshire  country,  and 
was  considerably  Mauled  at  the  time.  However,  he  after- 
wards won  a  king's  plate,  beating  Mr.  Hunter's  Pollux,  Mr. 
Handyside's  Subaltern,  Mr.  Crawfurd's  Declamator,  Mr. 
Reid's  Voluntary,  and  others. 

The  Duke  of  Hamilton's  b.  h.  Depute-Advocate,  by  Sir 
Michael,  out  of  Mrs.  Beaumont,  (aged.)  This  horse  is  own 
brother  to  Turncoat,  who  has  won  one  or  two  plates  in  the 
VV^est  of  Scotland,  but  is  not  expected  to  start  again.  Another 
of  Sir  Michael's  colts,  was  named  by  the  Duke  of  Hamilton, 
however,  for  the  Lancaster  cup  last  season.  Depute- Advo- 
cate shows  more  breeding,  and  runs  truer  than  any  of  the 
stock.  He  formerly  belonged  to  Sir  Robert  Peel,  and  won 
a  king's  plate.  He  then  changed  hands,  and  ran  second  to 
Mr.  Spiers'  Dr.  Cantwell,  for  the  Moray  stakes  last  autumn ; 
and  was  also  the  favourite  for  the  Caithness  cup,  when  it 
was  carried  off  so  unexpectedly  by  Mr.  Thompson's  Castor. 
Since  then  he  has  been  in  training  for  this  race,  and  has 
risen  considerably  in  the  betting,  owing  to  his  appearance  on 
the  Waterloo  and  Hopetoun  grounds  some  months  ago. 

Sir  James  Gibson-Craig  names  Mr.  Hunter's  brown  h. 
Pollux,  own  brother  to  the  Sheriff  (late  Castor) ;  was  regu- 
larly hunted  by  the  Honourable  Baronet  for  two  seasons, 
both  in  Selkirkshire  and  the  country  round  Edinburgh.  Has 
been  entered  for  every  king's  plate  since  he  came  upon  the 
turf,  but  without  success. 

Mr.  Thomas  Thomson  names  Mr.  Maitland's  grey  horse 
Bookbinder,  by  old  Dundrennan,  out  of  a  Conservative  mare, 
(aged).  A  fast  horse,  but  considered  too  heavy  for  this 
country.  This,  at  least,  is  the  reason  given  by  the  "  know- 
ing ones"  for  his  having  done  nothing  as  yet.  The  Conser- 
vative stock  are  not  favourites  at  present. 


O  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

Mr.  Baxter's*  chesnut  colt,  Commissioner,  by  Speculator, 
dam  unknown,  a  new  horse,  of  whom  great  things  are  ex- 
pected. 

Mr.  Earle's  b.  c.  Simperer,  got  by  Presbyter,  dam  by 
Highflyer.  If  this  colt  has  any  character,  it  is  solely  owing 
to  his  having  been  at  one  time  in  the  same  stud  with  the  ex- 
cellent horse,  Mungo,-|*  by  Synopsis.  Those  who  are  green 
'  enough'  to  back  him  will  be  surely  mistaken. 

Mr.  T.  F.  Kennedy  names  Mr.  CampbelFs  bay  colt  "  keep- 
your-temper,"  by  Tory  Dick,  out  of  an  Ardrossan  mare. 
This  horse  was  beat  at  Kilmarnock  in  1832,  by  the  Dunlop 
Nondescript,  since  which  he  has  been  no  favourite. 

To  close  and  name  to  Messrs.  Gibson-Craigs,  Wardlaw, 
and  Dalziel,  clerks  of  the  course,  on  or  before  Tuesday  next. 

State  of  the  odds  yesterday  at  eleven  o'clock, — 3  to  1 
against  Corkscrew  ;  5  to  1  against  Depute- Advocate ;  13  to 
2  against  Pollux  ;  17  to  1  against  Bookbinder ;  20  to  1 
against  Commissioner;  35  to  1  against  Simperer,  (not  taken); 
43  to  1  against  the  Ayrshire  Colt. 

The  following  is  the  result  of  the  running,  received  by 
express : — 

The  Marquis  of  Breadalbane's  Corkscrew,  -  1 
Sir  J.  G.  Craig's  Pollux,  ...  2 
The  Duke  of  Hamilton's  Depute  Advocate,  3 
Mr.  Earle's  Simperer,         -  _  -  4 

Mr.  Baxter's  Commissioner,  -  Bolted. 

The  other  two  did  not  start. 

Depute- Advocate  got  away  first,  and  kept  the  lead  in  fine 
style  for  the  first  half  of  the  race.  He  was  then  headed  by 
Pollux,  who  looked  very  like  a  winner,  till  young  Maule, 
who  is  an  excellent  jockey,  brought  up  Corkscrew,  and,  by 

*  Henry  Baxter,  Esq.  of  Idvies,  advocate,  since  dead. 

t  The  late  Mungo  Brown,  Esq.  advocate,  who  published  a  valuable  Synopsis 
of  the  Decisions  of  the  Court  of  Session. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  7 

dint  of  whip  and  spur,  succeeded  in  laying  him  in  front  of 
Sir  James  Craig's  horse,  who  immediately  shewed  temper, 
and  gave  up  the  race.  The  winner  was  severely  punished. 
It  is  supposed  that  a  great  deal  of  money  changed  hands 
on  the  occasion,  as  the  friends  of  Depute- Advocate,  in  parti- 
cular, had  backed  him  to  a  large  amount. 


IV. 

BOOK  OF  THE  PROCLAMATIONS. 

Written  by  an  eminent  civil  lawyer  on  the  controversy  relative  to  the  Moderator- 
ship  of  the  General  Assembly  1837.  Many  copies  in  MS.  were  circulated  in 
the  Parliament-House,  but  the  article  is  now  for  the  first  time  printed. 
Dr.  Chalmers  was  very  much  amused  with  it. 

CHAPTER  I. 

1.  And  it  came  to  pass  in  those  days,  that  the  man  Thomas* 
was  very  mighty  throughout  the  whole  land. 

2.  For  when  the  enemies  of  the  Temple  had  raised  their 
hands  against  it  to  destroy  it  for  ever,  he  smote  them  in  the 
midriff  that  their  breath  departed  from  them. 

3.  Moreover,  he  lifted  up  his  voice  and  said,  let  us  look 
to  the  foundations  of  the  temple,  and  build  up  its  towers, 
that  the  strength  thereof  may  be  made  manifest  over  the 
length  and  the  breadth  of  the  land,  and  that  evil  men  may 
not  trouble  it  any  more. 

4.  And  every  just  man  gave  ear  unto  him :  also  many 
who  till  this  time  had  cared  for  none  of  these  things. 

5.  So  they  brought  much  tribute,  and  the  work  prospered 
mightily  in  his  hands. 

6.  And  the  people  said,  who  is  like  unto  him  among  all 
the  nations  ?  For  his  voice  is  as  the  voice  of  a  trumpet,  and 
his  strength  as  the  strength  of  a  whole  host. 

*  Dr.  Chalmers. 


8  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

7.  51  ^^*  certain  of  the  Pharisees*  took  counsel  together, 
saying,  the  name  of  this  man  increaseth  more  and  more,  while 
we  are  become  as  nothing  in  the  sight  of  the  people. 

8.  Have  not  we  also  built  up  the  Temple,  and  gathered 
tribute?  And  is  not  every  labourer  worthy  of  his  own 
reward  ? 

9.  And  they  murmured  exceedingly. 

10.  5F  Now  while  these  things  were  yet  doing,  a  great 
tumult  arose  in  the  city,  and  the  voice  of  many  running  to 
and  fro,  saying  continually  who  among  us  shall  be  the  chief 
of  the  Sanhedrim.-f- 

11.  And  behold,  there  came  forth  a  certain  man  John,:j: 
very  cunning  in  the  old  mysteries  :  whose  eyes  were  dim 
with  the  dust  thereof. 

12.  Who  was  clothed  as  it  were  in  parchment,  whereon 
was  the  likeness  of  much  writing,  which  none  other  essayed 
to  read. 

13.  And  he  cried  with  his  whole  voice,  saying,  I  will  be 
the  chief  of  the  Sanhedrim. 

14.  But  many  said,  go  thy  ways  this  once,  and  at  a  more 
convenient  season,  peradventure,  we  may  yet  send  for  thee ; 
for  our  travail  is  not  now  of  any  mystery,  but  of  the  building 
of  the  Temple,  and  the  gathering  of  the  tribute. 

15.  When  have  we  profited  by  thee  in  that  matter  ?  Hast 
thou  not  rather  followed  therein  thine  own  devices,  and 
become  a  stumbling-block  to  the  man  Thomas,  for  that 
his  ways  were  not  as  thy  ways,  nor  his  testimony  as  thy 
testimony  ? 

16.  But  he  answered  and  said,  I  will  not  go  :  of  a  surety 
I  am  the  man,  not  at  this  time  only,  but  at  all  times. 

17.  If  there  be  any  among  you  who  can  read  the  writing 
which  is  on  my  raiment,  to  him,  peradventure,  will  I  give 
place,  but  to  none  else. 

18.  And  they  looked  upon  the  writing,  and  said  nothing. 

*  Whigs.  I  Moderator  of  the  Getieral  Assembly.  %  Dr.  John  Lee. 


I 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  9 

19-  51  Now  there  came  forth  with  him,  a  certain  of  the 
Pharisees,  whose  name  was  as  the  name  of  a  tinkling  cymbal,* 
who  had  also  murmured  against  the  man  Thomas,  toiling 
continually  for  his  dispeace  : 

20.  Who  had  exalted  himself  among  the  enemies  of  the 
Temple,  when  they  were  gathered  together  in  a  great  multi- 
tude to  do  battle  against  it,  even  against  the  tower  thereof, 
M'hich  is  to  the  west  :f 

21.  That  it  might  be  fulfilled  which  was  spoken  by  the 
man  Daniel,  who  was  not  a  prophet,  saying,  the  daughter  of 
Babylon  shall  prevail  over  every  daughter  of  the  land : 

22.  Albeit  he  sat  in  the  Sanhedrim  to  declare  the  laws 
thereof,  clothed  in  wisdom  as  in  a  garment,  having  on  his 
head  the  likeness  of  an  howlet's  nest. 

23.  But  who  yet  said,  I  am  not  a  servant  of  the  Sanhe- 
drim ;  for  how  can  wisdom  be  bought  as  with  a  price  ? 

24.  Also  a  certain  of  the  Priests,  whose  name  was  as  the 
name  of  the  dwellers  in  a  far  country  ;l 

25.  Very  fair  and  comely  to  the  eye ;  of  whom  many  said, 
his  ways  have  been  ways  of  pleasantness  even  till  this  time  ; 

26.  But  some  said,  hath  he  not  dwelt  in  Golgotha^  which 
is  the  place  of  skulls.§ 

27.  Also  the  man  James,  ||  of  whom  it  was  written,  he 
planteth  a  vineyard,  and  straightway  preventeth  the  increase. 

28.  Also  a  certain  of  the  Elders,^  whose  name  was  as 
the  Pharisees,  but  who  had  eschewed  their  faith  from  his 
youth  up. 

29.  Also  certain  others  which  had  no  names. 


CHAPTER  ir. 

1.  But  when  the  man  Thomas  looked  upon  the  man  John, 

*  Robert  Bell,  Esq.  Procurator  for  the  Church, 
t  The  Irish  Church.  $  Professor  Welsh. 

§  In  allusion  to  his  taste  for  phrenology.  ||  Lord  Moncrieff. 

^  Robert  Whigham,  Esq.  Advocate. 


10  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

to  behold  him,  and  to  behold  those  which  came  forth  with 
him,  he  said,  go  to,  I  will  make  a  Proclamation,  even  a 
Proclamation  to  the  priests  and  to  the  elders,  and  to  the 
people. 

2.  So  he  made  a  Proclamation,  saying,  men  and  brethren, 
it  is  not  meet  for  us  that  this  man  be  the  chief  of  the 
Sanhedrim. 

3.  At  some  time  it  is  meet  that  he  be  the  chief  of  the 
Sanhedrim,  even  for  the  writing  which  is  on  his  raiment,  but 
not  at  this  time. 

4.  For  if,  at  this  time,  he  be  the  chief  of  the  Sanhedrim, 
of  a  surety  he  will  deliver  us  into  the  hands  of  those  from 
whom  there  is  no  help. 

5.  Who,  therefore,  shall  be  the  chief  of  the  Sanhedrim  ? 

6.  There  is  a  certain  man*  whose  name  is  as  the  name  of 
one  who  knoweth  every  flower  of  the  field,  and  every  green 
herb,  and  every  thing  which,  in  its  season,  putteth  forth 
leaves :  He  is  the  elect  of  the  old  Rabbis,  let  him  be  the 
chief  of  the  Sanhedrim. 

7.  This  is  the  sum  of  the  whole  matter  ;  first  build  up  the 
temple,  and  gather  the  tribute ;  and  thenceforth  it  shall  no 
longer  be  asked  throughout  the  city  who  is  the  chief  of  the 
Sanhedrim. 

8.  So  dealt  he  with  the  man  John,  shewing  that  every 
thing  is  good  in  its  own  season. 

9.  And  as  for  those  which  came  forth  with  him,  he  dis- 
coursed with  them,  one  by  one,  after  his  own  fashion,  even 
after  the  fashion  of  him  who  waiteth  not  for  an  answer. 

10.  To  one  spoke  he  of  the  testimony  ;  saying,  this  is  the 
pit  which  ye  have  digged  for  me  ;  behold,  ye  shall  perish  of 
the  work  of  your  own  hands  ; 

11.  And  to  another  he  spoke  in  parables  ;  saying,  two  men 
journeyed  to  the  same  city,  the  one  looking  neither  to  the 
right  hand  nor  to  the  left,  but  the  other  turning  aside  con- 
tinually to  the  places  which  were  round  about  :f 

•  Rev.  Dr.  Gardiner.  f  Lord  Moncreiff. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  11 

12.  But  to  him  whose  name  was  as  the  name  of  the 
Pharisees,  he  said  nothing,  hut  let  him  go.* 

13.  And  all  who  heard  him  laid  to  heart  the  things  which 
he  proclaimed  to  them,  saying,  this  man  hath  been  as  a 
watchman  during  the  night,  and  behold,  when  it  is  day,  he 
discomfitteth  the  adversary  face  to  face. 

14.  So  they  cleaved  unto  him  more  and  more. 

15.  ^  Then  he  who  sat  in  the  Sanhedrim,f  to  declare  the 
laws  thereof,  girt  up  his  loins  and  said,  I  will  also  make  a 
proclamation. 

16.  So  he  proclaimed  many  things  of  meat-ofFerings  ;  say- 
ing, we  have  known  nothing  of  them,  but  have  fasted  after 
the  manner  of  the  Pharisees  ;  neither  at  any  time  have  our 
hearts  within  us  been  glad  with  wine. 

17.  But  the  people  said,  what  is  this,  that  we  should 
hearken  unto  it  ?  He  speaketh  not  of  the  Temple  and  the 
tribute,  but  of  the  morning  and  the  evening  feast. 

18.  And  many  said,  why  should  he  strive  in  any  wise 
with  the  man  Thomas,  whose  stature  is  more  than  the  stature 
of  the  sons  of  men  ? 

19.  But  others  said,  he  striveth  not  with  him ;  but  only 
nibbleth  at  the  hem  of  his  raiment : 

SO.  So  their  hearts  were  filled  with  laughter,  even  as  at  a 
pleasant  saying  of  the  man  Peter,i  when  he  lifteth  up  his 
voice  in  the  Court  of  the  Sanhedrim. 

21.  ^  But  they  which  came  forth  with  the  man  John, 
and  which  had  no  names,  when  they  had  heard  the  proclama- 
tion of  him  who  sat  in  the  Sanhedrim,  and  saw  that  it  pro- 
claimed nothing,  arose  and  said,  we  also  will  make  a  procla- 
mation. 

22.  And  the  people  said,  this  is  a  weariness  ;  nevertheless, 
let  us  hearken  unto  them  ; 

23.  But  when  they  heard  them,  they  said,  Lo,  here  is  a 
great  mystery ; 

*  Robert  Whigham,  Esq.  Advocate, 
f  The  Procurator  for  the  Church.  J  Patrick  Robertson,  Esq.  Advocate. 


12  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

24.  For  these  men  have  said  we  are  not  Pharisees,  nor 
the  sons  of  Pharisees  ; 

25.  Yet  have  they  reviled  the  man  Caiphas,  for  that  he 
is  not  a  Pharisee,  and  hath  lifted  up  his  voice  for  the  Tem- 
ple and  the  tribute  before  all  the  people. 

26.  ^  But  while  they  yet  spake,  behold,  on  the  face  of 
the  proclamation,  as  it  were  a  written  scroll : 

27.  These  were  the  words  which  therein  were  written, 

28.  Let  there  be  an  end  of  all  proclamations,  for  the  man 
John  hath  turned  and  fled ;  even  into  the  city  which  is  in 
the  kingdom  beyond  Jordan  ; 

29.  There  the  Pharisees  have  founded  a  refuge  for  him, 
for  that  their  faith  is  an  abomination  unto  him,  neither  have 
they  at  any  time  taken  counsel  together  of  the  Temple  or  of 
the  Testimony. 

30.  And  the  people  said,  this  is  a  mystery  of  mysteries ; 
even  above  all  the  mysteries  of  the  man  John,  and  all  the 
writing  which  is  on  his  raiment. 

31.  So  there  was  no  more  any  proclamations,  and  they 
returned  every  man  to  his  own  house. 


FATAL  EFFECTS  OF  GASTRONOMY  INSCRIBED  TO  TRADING 
LAWYERS. 

The  two  interesting  gastronomical  anecdotes  are  worthy  of  especial  notice,  as 
shewing  what  important  consequences  may  arise  from  the  gratification  of  one's 
appetite.  Both  are  taken  from  that  valuable  journal  entitled  the  Carlton 
Chronicle. 

I. TALE  OF  A  WOODCOCK. 

How  trifling  a  matter  makes  or  mars  a  man's  fortune, — if 
a  woodcock  had  not  been  so  delicious,  an  accomplished  Juris- 
consult of  the  North  might  have  been,  if  not  a  Colonial 
Judge,  at  least  a  commissioner  in  some  of  those  innumerable 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  13 

Whig  jobs  with  which  oiir  present  rulers  at  once  gull  the 
people  and  fill  the  pockets  of  their  adherents.  Listen !  ye 
aspirants  to  office,  to  what  shall  be  unfolden  to  you,  and 
learn  to  ''  chasten  your  appetites." 

A  Whig  functionary,  of  no  small  influence,  who  at  present 
represents  the  Privy  Council  of  Scotland,  and  the  Town 
Council  of  Leith,  and  who  is  more  eminent  for  a  knowledge 
of  Eating  than  of  Erskine,  was  accustomed,  while  resident  in 
Modern  Athens,  now  and  then  to  assemble  his  hangers-on  at 
his  hospitable  board.  There,  at  stated  intervals,  assembled 
the  Whig  innocents  of  the  Parliament  House,  who  sung 
paeans  in  honour  of  the  Magdalene- admiring  Premier,  the 
Cupid  of  Protocols,  the  "  utensil,"" — as  he  has  recently  styled 
himself,  but  who  is  better  known  as  "  the  widow's  mite," — 
and  last,  though  not  least,  the  Scotish  Apicius,  the  giver  of 
the  banquet. 

Once  on  a  time  our  mercurial  friend  was  invited  to  dine 
with  the  right  honourable  gentleman,  and,  with  visions  of 
preferment  before  him,  he  accepted  the  invitation.  A  choice 
repast  awaited  him, — such  a  one  as  even  the  gorge-ous  War- 
render  might  have  patronised.  The  unsophisticated  youth 
beheld,  with  rapture,  the  rich  viands  presented  to  his  as- 
tonished gaze,  his  spirits  rose,  and  so  did  his  appetite — 
every  thing  was  couleur  de  rose.  Two  courses  were  remov- 
ed,— a  third  came  in,  and  with  it — oh  !  ye  Gods — a  plump 
and  juicy  woodcock,  trail  and  all.  What  a  sight  for  a  philo- 
sopher ?  The  dainty  was  nicely  cut  up  and  handed  round, — 
the  wily  Whigs,  who  were  "  up  to  trap,"  bowed  a  negative 
to  the  powdered  menial  who  presented  the  offering, — one  or 
two,  less  collected  than  the  rest,  took  small  portions  of  the 
proffered  delicacy,  so  that  by  the  time  it  reached  our  excited 
Liberal,  the  best  part  of  it  remained,  and  the  entire  trail ! 
People  may  talk  as  they  like  of  the  temptations  of  Hercules, 
but  was  he  ever  tempted  with  a  woodcock  and  trail  ?  If  he 
could  resist  such  fascination,  then,  but  not  till  then,  might  he 
truly  be  called  a  hero.     The  unfortunate  young  man — ^like 


14  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

many  other  unfortunate  young  men — allowed  his  passions  to 
get  the  better  of  his  prudence, — he  hurried  the  remains  of 
the  bird,  toast,  trail  and  all,  upon  his  platter.  Unlucky 
Whigling  !  the  eye  of  his  patron  was  upon  him, — the  lusci- 
ous morsel  had,  in  idea,  been  devoted  to  himself, — it  was  al- 
most in  his  reach, — he  had  revelled  in  thought  on  the  ex- 
quisite flavour  of  the  bird,  and  the  ambrosial  gout  of  its  en- 
trails— he  shut  his  eyes  in  ecstacy,  and  opened  them  in  de- 
spair— the  heavenly  vision  had  passed  away  ! 

Was  it  in  mortal  man  to  forgive  this  ?  John  is  a  man, — 
all  men  are  mortal,  as  we  are  told  at  school ;  argal^  John  is 
mortal — it  follows,  as  a  necessary  consequence,  that  our 
Eight  Honourable  John,  being  a  mortal^  was  mortally  of- 
fended, and  mentally  vowed  that,  as  his  Liberal  friend  had 
disappointed  him,  he  in  his  turn  should  be  disappointed,  and 
so  it  was — neither  dinner  in  future,  nor  place,  awaited  the 
unhappy  admirer  of  woodcock.  In  despair  he  beheld  others, 
— infinitely  his  inferiors  in  talent  and  character — preferred 
above  him.  The  "  simple "  fellow  now  curses  the  hour  he 
ever  saw  a  woodcock,  or  tasted  of  its  trail. 


2. A  TALE  OF  STAFFORD. 

"  From  trifling  causes  great  events  arise  !"  Had  the  Lord 
Advocate  of  Scotland  loved  turtle  less,  Stafford  would  not 
have  had  a  Conservative  representative. 

Upon  the  eventful  evening  on  which  a  writ  for  Stafford 
was  to  be  moved,  the  whipper-in  had  collected  together  the 
usual  set  of  broomsticks  to  negative  the  motion,  and  as  it 
was  not  altogether  decorous  that  Lady  Stratheden's  husband 
should  be  present — whose  pecuniary  dealings  with  the  electors 
of  Dudley,  but  for  the  backing  of  the  Radicals,  might  have 
produced  the  strange  result  of  the  Attorney-General  being 
ordered  to  prosecute  the  Attorney-General — it  was  resolved 
that  the  Right  Honourable  John  Archibald  Murray,  his 
Majesty's  bill-sticker  for  Scotland,  should  take  his  place. 


COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND.  15 

The  illustrious  John,  who,  whatever  opinion  may  exist  as 
to  his  legal  knowledge,  has,  it  is  admitted  even  hy  Sir  George 
Warrender,  no  superior  as  a  savant  in  re  culinaria,  was  ac- 
cordingly duly  installed  as  the  Attorney-GeneraFs  warming- 
pan  ;  but,  as  the  fatigues  of  St.  Stephen's  Chapel  are  some- 
what overpowering,  he  obtained  permission  to  entertain  the 
inner  man  by  a  slight  refection,  he  pledging  himself  to  be 
ready  at  the  hour  of  call. 

The  debate  came  on,  and,  strange  to  say,  the  discussion 
was  unusually  short ; — Ministers  triumphed  in  their  sup- 
posed majority,  when  lo  !  and  behold  !  the  member  for  Shef- 
field turned  recreant,  and  avowed  his  intention  of  supporting 
the  motion.  Little  Cam  Hobhouse  nearly  fainted — Pullet 
Thomson  stood  aghast — even  Radical  Joe  lost  his  impu- 
dence. The  Hopthumb  shrieked  "  Where  is  Bottom .?"  and 
the  Irish  echo  responded  "  Where  is  he  ?''''  Alas  !  the  in- 
tellectual Gastronomer  was  nowhere  to  be  seen.  Nosey  BuUer 
supposed  he  had  cut  and  run,  and  Bowel  Fuxton  thought  his 
Lordship  was  taking  a  hit  at  backgammon,  until  he  remem- 
bered that  it  was  not  Sunday. 

However,  time  and  tide  wait  for  no  man,  noses  were 
counted,  and  his  Majesty's  Ministers  were  in  a  minority  of 
one.  A  search  was  instituted  for  the  delinquent,  and  he  was 
found  quietly  reposing  on  a  sofa  in  the  cofFee-room.  Being 
a  scientific  man,  his  lordship  had  resolved  to  pass  away  time 
by  indulging  himself  in  his  favourite  study,  and  the  evening 
had  pleasantly  glided  by  in  the  performance  of  various  gas- 
tronomical  experiments,  all  of  which  had  been  eminently 
successful.  Overcome  by  his  great  mental,  as  well  as  mensal 
exertions,  the  learned  lord  had  entirely  forgotten  Stafford, 
and  instead  of  seating  himself  on  the  Treasury  benches,  had 
quietly  resigned  himself  to  the  more  pleasing  embraces  of 
Morpheus. 

We  recommend  the  electors  of  Stafford  to  give  this  excel- 


16  COURT  OF  SESSION  GARLAND. 

lent  person  a  turtle  feast  for  his  somniferous  exertions  in 
their  behalf.* 

•  This  squib  is  to  a  certain  extent  founded  in  fact.  A  writ  was  to  be  moved 
(13th  February  1837,)  for  the  borough  of  Stafford  by  the  Conservatives;  this 
was  to  be  opposed  by  the  Whigs,  and,  as  they  supposed,  successfully.  The 
Tories,  however,  managed  matters  admirably — in  place  of  long  speechifying,  they 
made  their  motion,  and  pushed  matters  to  a  division  ;  the  Whigs  were  com- 
pletely at  fault.  The  learned  Lord  alluded  to,  who  was  to  have  been  present, 
had  retired  to  the  coffeeroom ;  he  could  not  be  found.  Buckingham,  the 
member  for  Sheffield,  who  owed  Government  a  grudge,  went  over  to  the  oppo- 
sition, and  the  motion  was  carried  by  one  vote.  The  numbers  being  for  the  writ 
152,  against  it  151.  The  necessary  result  was,  that  a  Conservative  was  returned 
for  Dudley^  ''^.-^WW . 


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