English items: or, Microscopic views of England and Englishmen

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SLft^'^

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D. Appkton ^ Co. publish^
LETTERS FROM THREE CONTINENTS.

BY MATT. F. WAED.
SeeandJBdiHoik OneVdumetl^mo^elcilK. PHce$l,

** Tbe antbor writes with an off-haiid freBhnesB of manner, entirely cRffmnt from
the hackneyed tonriat*— -Wcayim*

** The impfeasion left on laying down the volnme ia, that the trayeller la a man of
talent and cnltlTation, with an actiye mind and keen powers of obeervation and de-
Bcription, whidi have made a very entertaining book.'^— ZVtto.

** To thoee who are fond of hooka of travel thia volnme will be fonnd exceedingly
intereating. It conaiata of a aerlea of spirited, plqoant letters, ttum the most inter-
esting points in Eniope, Asia, and AJHca.^— «8(i«anmaA Rep.

** These lettera are agreeable and sketchy, and take the reader pleasantly over
strange landa and through novel aoenes.**— iVoo: Jimmak

<* They contain the obaervatlons of an intelligent and acoomplialied writer, on
some of the most interesting parts of the world ; rad there is an m of freshnesa and
natmralneas about them, which renders the work exceedingly attractive.**— OSiwri«r
and Enquirer.

"The letters of this volnme pleaae ns. They are racy, onambitions, descriptive
sketches, and so to form one of Uie most readable books of travel we have met with
for some Umdr-'IfaHanal JSra,

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ENGLISH ITEMS:

01,

MICROSCOPIC VIEWS

ENGIAND AND ENGLISHMEN.

BT

MATT. F. WARD,

NEWJORK:
D. APPLETON AND COMPANY,

SOO BBOABWAT.
iLDOoaun.

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iBa^^R.^S

Ehtkebd according to Act of Congresa, in the year 1858» by

D. APPLBTON A 00^

in tlie Gierke Office ^ the Distriet Conrt for the Southern IMstriot of
New-York.

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TO

J. J. HUGHES, ESQ.,

«|if ntirk U MUM,

AS

A SLIGHT TS8TIM0NUL OF SINCERE FBIENSSHIP

AND

HIGH R BSPECT.

MATT. F. WARD.

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CONTENTS.

OHAPTEB I.

OUB InDIYIDUAL BbLATIOKS with ENaULND . . 9

OHAPTEB n.
Sixpenny Mibaolbs in England 23

CHAPTER m.
The CuBTOic-HouBE 68

CHAPTER IV.
Rural Sobnert • 71

CHAPTER V,
ENausH Wbitebb on Ajcsbioa ..... 88

CHAPTER VI.
£N0Li8tt Mannkbs i09

CHAPTER Vn.
English Dbyotion to Dinnxb 228

CHAPTER Vm.

EnOUBH GENTlUT t 2i6

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8 OONTSKT8.

FAaa
^ CHAPTER IX.

Obioin of- thb Ohuroh or England .... 266
CHAPTER X.

PsBSBOUnON UNDBB THB ESTABUBHXD ChUBOH . 276

CHAPTER XI.
Present Statb ot the Established Chitboh ot England 291

CHAPTER Xn.
Hebaldbt 887

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ENGLISH ITEMS.

CHAPTER I.

OUB INDIVIDUAL BELATIONS WITH ENGLAJTD.

ENGLISHMEN, and their admirers, have so carefully
stowed away English supremacy in a nice glass box,
guarded at every angle by portentous " hands off," as suc-
cessfully to protect it from the too close scrutiny of the
masses. Indeed, whilst it continues the custom of the Miss
Nancies, and old women of the fashionable and literary
worlds of America extravagantly to extol every thing Bng*
lish, it will be deemed reprehensible temerity in any man, to
refuse to acknowledge the received superstition. The Amer-
ican, daring enough to assail England's claims to superiority,
will be pronounced guilty t)f outrage by those of his country-
men, too indolent or too dastardly to think for themselves.
His sacrilege will be thought no greater by these Angli-
cized Republicans, than that of the conqueror Antiochus, in
the opinion of the Jews, when he boldly entered their temple
— ordered a great sow to be sacrificed on the altar for burnt-
offerings — ^and polluted the Holy of Holies, by having the
blood of the unclean animal scattered about the sacred
edifice.

Before I had ever travelled beyond the confines of the
1*

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10 icHOLisH rrxMS.

•
United States, I had grown weary of the thraldom to Eng-
lish dictation of public opinion in America. I entertained
no gireat love for Englishmen, and all that I saw daring my
first visit to Europe, and what I have seen since, has not
served to increase my affection for them. Yet I must con-
fess that I experienced, a year or two ago, certain aguish
sensations at my own rashness, in expressing a somewhat
unfavorable opinion of Englishmen and their manners. It
might have been, as a distinguished Beview sagely remarked,
an unbearable degree of impudence in an unknown individ-
ual from Arkansas, to pretend to pronounce judgment on
the refinements of English society. But being accustomed
to attack rampant bears at home, I suppose the innocent
cavortings of the British Lion seemed much less terrible to
me, than to some of my more civilised countrymen, who had
never seen angry beasts out of cages. Although the roar
of this pampered Lion of England has long since ceased to
affect us as a nation, yet no one can doubt that his complain-
ing growls make those individuals quake amongst us, who
pretend to a refined excess either of feishion or gentility.
I am sorry to observe that it is becoming more and more
the fashion, especially among ^' travelled " Americans, to pet
the British beast. In defiance of his surly ways, they are
eternally trying by flattery to coax him into good humor,
as the boys throw apples and gingerbread to his prototype
of the menagerie. He never fails to repay their officious
kindness with snarling disapprobation, and always a^ttacks the
hand that pats him. But instead of treating him like other
refractory brutes, they pusillanimously strive to soothe him
by a forbearance he cannot appreciate. They never laugh
80 loudly, as when suffering from his bite, and good-natur-
edly designate his ruthless clawings the facetious indications
of a playful disposition.

What beast-tamer, in his senses, ever dreamed of subdu-

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OUB INDIVIDUAL RELATIONS WITH XNGLAND. 11

lag an angry lion by soothing him ? Beasts are niled through
fear, not kindness. They submissively lick the hand that
wields the lash, not the one that feeds them. So long as we
attempt to pacify the British Lion by patting him, we shall
be clawed and bitten. He must be treated according to his
nature. Seize him fearlessly by the throat, and once strangle
him into involuntary silence, and the British Lion will here-
after be as fawning as he has hitherto been spiteful.

It is a melancholy fact, which I am most reluctant to ac-
knowledge even to myself, that there is a growing inclination
towards flunkeyism, in what are termed the higher classes of
society in America. We too frequently find the American
recently returned from Europe, whose powers of observa-
tion should be quickened by foreign associations, and whose
mind should be so enlarged by studying the institutions of
other countries, as to enable him better to understand the
inestimable- blessings of our own, expressing a captious dis-
satisfaction with his own country. Sneering at America —
finding fault with her people — ridiculing her manners — and
objecting to her customs ; he professes to find nothing good
enough for him, with the eminently flunkey hope, that those
of his countrymen who have remained at home, will be in-
spired with awful respect for his improved taste, and trav-
elled cultivation. If our travelled countrymen can derive
no higher evidence of improvement from a European tour,
than a servile imitation of every thing they have seen in
England, even to fault-finding with America, I sincerely
hope they may for ever remain in the republican simplicity
which they received from our Fathers. If no more valuaible
lesson is to be learned by Americans abroad, than that pa-
triotism is something to be ashamed of. Democrat as I am,
I would favor a general embargo law, to keep them at home.
And when in spite of every precaution the citizens of the
United States have become so cosmopolitan, by travel, as to

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12 SNOU8B ITEMS.

deem it necessary to rail at their own country, as a i»-oof of
freedom from " provincial prejudices," J liop6 there may be
some newly discovered California to which I may peacefully
emigrate.

I mentioned above the earlier symptoms a fearfully
spreading disease, which can only be cured I fear by cauter-
izing. In the more advanced stages of this epidemic,
brought among us from foreign parts, we find its victims af-
fecting the society of transient Englishmen, who, coming to
America arrayed in the cast-off airs of their superiors at
home, always laugh at their too eager hosts, and make butts
of their over-zealous admirers. These cockneys are right in .
their treatment of such despicable sycophants. Well aware
that they are prompted by none of the higher impulses of
hospitality, but actuated by the mean ambition of borrowing
importance from their servility to them, these Englishmen
have my applause, at least, for making them feel their
degradation. Alas ! that an American freeman should sub-
mit to be kicked by an upstart Briton, with the silly hope
that there were people around him, silly enough to envy him
the supposed honor of his aristocratic associations. The
operation of kicking certainly does imply very intimate re-
lations of position, at least, and the American flunkeys
may be partially right in their expectaticftis, for there are a
few among us, who will persist in estimating an English-
man's real rank by his pretensions, and who will not give up
the superstition, that every thing English must necessarily
be superior. These transient English do but obey their in-
stincts in kicking all Americans who will allow them. The
thing becomes a duty, no less than a recreation, when they
happen to encounter those, who consider such a proceeding
on their part, not only a great condescension, but an honor to
themselves, and will apologize to the kicker, accordingly, for
giving him the trouble to confer it. In such instances I al-

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OUR UTDITIDUAL BSLATI0N8 WRB XVOULMD. 18

ways feel tempted to assist John Ball, thongli to do him
justice, the infliction is generally made, I believe, with a very
good win. It must be a great luxury for the 'poor British-
ers, to meet with an opportunity of treating other people as
they have always been accustomed to being treated them«
selves. Having all their lives submitted to being kicked at
home, they are eminently qualified to appreciate the privi-
lege of kicking, and enjoy it accordingly. What flunkey
would not ? An Englishman is somewhat excusable after
all for his snobbish propensities. Bom in the land of flunk-
eydom, breathing the atmosphere, and reared amidst the
prejudices of flunkeys, it would be unnatural, indeed, if he
did not himself become a veritable flunkey. But what can
be said of Americans, who, without any such apology, know-
ingly and wilfully become the flunkeys of flunkeys, and
toadyize toadies ? I am not a harsh man by nature, but I
would have such renegades stretched upon the rack of pub-
lic opinion. Traitors to themselves, their country, and her in-
stitutions — I would take keen delight in seeing them so tor-
tured, that their sufferings might prove a warning to all, suf-
ficiently destitute of manhood, to follow their example.

I mean not to intimate in the remotest manner, that
every citizen of England who visits our country, belongs to
the class I have alluded to, nor do I wish to be tmder-
stood as insinuating, that every American who extends to an
Englishman the ordinary civilities of society, must necessa-
rily be a flunkey. I have myself known several English
gentlemen, and I have no doubt there are many coming to
America, whose social qualities would make them the wel-
come guests of every family circle. But I regard it as an
excess of absurdity, unworthy of us, warmly to seize every
straggler by the hand, simply because he happens to be an
Englishman. While our present social relations with Eng-
lishmen at home, continue to exist, the mere tact of a man's

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14 SVGUSH XTBM8.

being from Engtaikd, so far from becoming a piMSsport into
the bosoms of our family circles, should b^ considered just
cause for scrutinising inquiries, as to his position and real
character. For though we occasionally meet with a gentle-
man from that country, yet past experience should have long
since convinced us that ve cannot be too skeptical as to
a Britisher's claims to our hospitality, till we have some in-
distinct idea as to what he is. A London city accustomed
all his days to the degrading consciousness of inferiority, is
so intoxicated by the unexpected attentions with which he is
generally received in this country, that he ought scarcely to
be considered responsible for the sneers, with which, in his
drunken elevation, he always repays the kindness our ciU-
sens have extended to him. I am a great believer in reci-
procity, and I would have it made as difficult for an English-
man to gain access to the better houses of America, as they
have made it for an American to enter the higher classes of
society in Great Britain. So prevalent is the opinion that
Americans are improper inmates of the fashionable houses
of England, that I once heard a boastful English Banker
giving as an evidence of hi^ superior influence, his having
actually been able to introduce a wealthy American, who
had for nearly twenty years been a resident of London, into
one of their clubs. If an American will consent temporarily
to make a penny-postman of himself, and carry a small mail-
bag of introductory letters, he may reasonably hope to en-
joy the honor of receiving a diminutive bit of glased paste-
board, with some aristocratic inscription ; or if his recom-
mendations are unusually strong, he may be inflicted with
the oppressive distinction of a dinner. But as he enjoys no
titular rank, he must submit to the mortification of going in
at the tail end of all the guests, and being seated at the
foot of the table — when positions at table are regarded as
matters of imporf. Who but an Englishman would invite a

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OUR INBIVIDUAL BXULTIOHS WITH XHOULVD. Id

man to his hoiue to insult htm? But SBch is the enrtom m
England. If the rights of hospitality are not oonsidered
snperior to mere conTentional usages of the eoimtry, stran-
gers should not be compelled to suffer on aooount of the ab-
surd ignorance of tiieir hosts. If a man is worthy of an
invitation to another's house, he certamly has a right )o ^qpect
the treataent due to a gentleman.

There are some of onr citisens, who seem to be doubled
with a mawkishly tender regard for the sensibilities (d the
^ dear old Mother Country." The truth must not even be
told, for fear of giving offence to the burly inhabitants of the
sweet land of our ancestors. What have we ever receired
from that country but injustice 7 She oppressed us as coK
onies — she twice attempted to crush us by wai^^and yet,
according toHhese puling lovers of " the Old Country/' we
must be humbly grateful, now, because she magnanimoualj
permits us to advance in power and prosperity, when she
could not possibly restrain us. When has she ever omitted
an opportunity of injuring us, when she could do so with
impunity ? She has always interfered with our commercial
relaticms, when she dared. She has invariably attempted
to shackle our progress, whilst professing to protect the
rights of weaker nations. She has assailed us l^rough her
press ; slandered us in her books ; strii^led to excite the
animosity of other countries against us — ^and yet we must
raise no murmur of retort, because, forsooth, die happens to
be '* the Old Country." What, I beg to be bformed, is this
<" Old Country " to us that we should truckle to her ? Out
upon those who preach this miserably servile doetrina
My contempt is scarcely surpassed by what the English
must feel for them.

There are many more of us, who, at heart love America,
as she deserves to be loved, but have not the moral courage
to speak out like men: the English might laugh at our

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16 ENOusB rrsMs.

eztravajgant admiration of our own conntry. Let them
first prove that she does not deserve our most enthusiastic
oj^nions, and I too will beeome as silent as the most Angli-
cized. Britain would Ibe delighted to shame ns out of our
patriotism, for it might, some day, give dangerous anima-
tion to our strength. No eulogy of England could he too
extravagant, but 'tis absurd to prais^ America. It seems
to me a hard case, indeed, that Americans are to be re-
strained from a free expression of what they think of
America, by the apprehension of English disapprobation.
Who appointed her censor of our opinions ? What do we
owe her that we should so meekly bow to her mandates ?
Not even the doubtful boon of our birth. The royal miser
Henry VII. refused to assist Columbus in his voyage of
diilcovery, and after it was accomplished without him, what
English monarch ever essayed to people the new-found
world? To the enterprise of Raleigh, aided by English
tyranny towards our forefathers, we are indebted for our
appearance among nations. XTncared for, and despised, we
remained, until our growth made us important to the sup-
port of our tender parent, whose earliest solicitude for the
long-neglected foundling, was manifested by oppression.'
She first attempted to rob us by means of venal laws. She
then tried to crush us in an unequal contest — ^and finally
yielded to force, the rights she had meanly refused to sup-
plication. Does such a course deserve gratitude, or con-
tempt 1 We should treat her now, as we treated her then :
command her respect by our boldness, not beg her toleration
by obsequious complaisance. She must feel our power
before she will acknowledge it. So long as we attempt to
conciliate her by meek submission to her judgment, she will
continue to despise us. Our gentle forbearance will be
considered weakness — and our friendly advances she will
mistake for servility. The Bible, 'tis true, commands us

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OUR I9DIYID17Ak ■BUUnOSft WRH SNGULKD. IT

to ** failgm ow ajmuea^" hat «be BBg^Wb^ iafcwKcd hj tbs
d^ a^e <tf j«dgmg otliers by tkenMehrea^ will fttirilMite
€«r eoanpljn^ with ibis Chrurtoui preeept^ te a wwrt of
iforit to resent h« insults. The Quaker doetrine of ^ tmni-
ing the other cheek ^ slw cannot mideniland. Her people
oannot appreciate the retirii^ nature of troe gentilitj^ either
iii nations or iadi^nals. They emaot eraceiTe of a
g»itlenian's bring modest in his dwacanor, unlesa from tha
eonseionaaciss of inferiority. Nor can they reaUae hov %
naticm eoold fiul to be blustering, except from eowardioe.

The Ei^flish are eager to impress vptm ns the ^t that
andivided doTOtion to our eonntry is ^ proTineiaL" Thej
kindly warn ns of the dasher of "narrow-minded preju-
dices," and descant, with tnmid oloqnanee, npon the Kbe*
rality of ralarged imderstandings, and coltiTated minda.
They oondesoeadingly inform ns Uuit a man, who could eoiib-
tinue to think ^ there is no place like home," would be very
justly suspected of never haTtng wandered beyottd the limits
of his native country* If he desires to be appreciated, as
a traveller, and man of the w<Mrld, he must give np such old-
fashioned noti(m& He must take England as his mode!,
and sneer at the def eienoies of America,, or else he will
incur the danger of being oonsidered an individual of limited
undenrfAnding, and " narrow-iuinded prejudices." Should
he feel any curiosity as to what ooastitutes this parti^akr
genus of ^^ prejudices," whidk is so industriously harped
upon by Englishmen, he will discover ihat their ideas of
^narrow-nunded prejudices" ccwsist in doing justice to tiie
two countries. To be ^^ protfindal " is to adhere to
America-— to dia^day a cultivated taste, admire Enghmd.

The English may be, in s<Mne measure^ excusable for
their own preposterous vanity, and glaring illiborality to
other people, from the faot of their having so rarely reeeived
the leSBOfi, of seoiiig tbeomdves an others see them. Most

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18

AmerfoftBfl vfco hkwt wiitlvii. iqK>B Eagha diy hvm hem
M^ex ifttt^ed or bidlied into drawiag tibe most |^mg
pktiireB of Ekij^h ecnnlbrt-^-of Englisk fireedmnr-^^Esglish.
spcietj— ^nd EngMsh every thing. One very n^i»a%
ffBq|^)0te8 them ^iooiinring of a model nation, wilh model
government, modd majuiora, and model dk^omti<ms^ and
jfeek but little onrioeitj to test the depth of the gloso with
whidi ibey have ao tastefully vanushed every thing in th<
eomtry. It is not snrprinng, however, that Ei^;land ahimld
wield a vast ininenee over men, ambitions of lit^psry famfOi*
When it is remembered how submissively the AmiertcaB
pnUio have bemi wont to abide by the deeision of Englisk
erities, it oi^^t no longer to a^ear strange, that aspiring
aotiiors shoidd attmi^t to carry lavor of tiiose, in whoso
hands has been plaeed the powor <^ awarding the h<mors of
literary distinotion. This is all wrong. America, to enjoy
that i^ependenoe, of which she may be so jnstiiy prood^
should have her own critics, as well as her own mannfse^
torers of cotton and iron.

There have been statesmen in enr eoun^ strennonsly
to advocate the protection of home indnstiy. Oppressiv^r
tariffs have been supported, m order to assist onr domestM
mana&otitres to compete with the foreigB. Bat is it nofe
strange, that it has never oocorred to tJ&e sages of oar
Rf^ablio, that nulls and Ibmidries do not emkraoo ^ho
entire field of American indostry % Is it not extraordinary)
timt it has no? er occoreed to than, &at cotton and iron aro
not the ontjT commodities which American gemos might
work vp to advantage if pf<^rly fbstered t There is a raw
material, ordinarUy known as brains, that we have already
employed with soccess, notwithstanding the difkalties
against which we have contended. We have already
aoe^MBptished moeh, and may do more, with proper encoo-
ragemenl Bryant, HaUeek, LongfeOow and WiUis, 8park%

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OUR IKDIYIDVAL BSLAHeVfl Wm XVGLAND. 1^

iPrescoit and Bancroft, Oooper, Imsg and MikM, are
master workmen, whom we may prondly compare with tlM
world's best living artisans. Bat this iBdmrtrial estabUsii-
ment, Vkt all onr others, is still yonng, and requires fostering.

I &ere declare myself a protectionist — I am an ad?oeate
<jf a higli tariff too' in iaTor of mind, American intelled
as wen as American labor deserves to be protected. Dis-
covering onr own merits, let ns snpport them. Let ns cnlti*
vate a national taste, as we have established a national charae^
ter. We have too long ago asserted onr independence ef
Bngfirii rulers, to continue dependent of English criticB.
We have strong native judgment ; let us exercise it as feai^
lessly with regard to literature, as to every thing else. I
mean not to fkvor a eavillmg spirit, that would habilvallj
condemn what England praised, and praise what EnglaiMi
condemned. I merely insist upon l&e exercise of thai i^
criminating power, which we possess in a sufiiciently cmineBl
degree, to make us certain that the oipresaion of our na-
tional opinion will never call a blush into the cheek of one
of onrcitiiensabi^oad. Let us not wait ^ with batedbreath"
ftr what England shall say of a work of art, before we an*
swer wHh a servile echo from this ride tlie Atiantie. Wo
may be sometimes wrong, most people mc, but we can iA
kast be ^dependent.

•The attempt is vain to shut our eyes to the fbet, ^ai
Bkiglsnd has hitherto been the model, on which we have
dressed ourselves. No native merit, hoi^ever distinguidied,
could ^ss current till stamped by finish approbation.
An autiior must be favortiMy noticed by English critics,
befi>re he can hope to be extenrively read at home. Am-
aetornrosfr cross the seas in search of a reputation, and most *
of onr wiseacres tremble to express on opi^n^ which is not
a close-cut pattern, of what has been said on the other sido
gf i^e Aflsntic. ^rom England wo borrowed onr nolkms

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CO nm

of et]4ii6lle--aBd from ite bum noiftbk UrtlvlM^of iJir
nirdiliefl) w« have imported our ideas of gentilit j. We ran
after EBglisluaeBy and affeet^ their opinioiui of rai^ I&r
deed, fiogland has been oiur oraole, whose respoososwex^
roTereaoed, like Delphi's of yore ; and fyw have iherobeen,
who, like Demosthenes, when he deelMwd that the priestess
<( Philipised," have dared to express a doobi of their is&lUr
bility. Baft a revolution is oommeneed-^this sort ot ttong
IS rapidly passing away; indeed in many portions of oar
ooaBtry it has wholly disaf^ared. There are fortmately
many strong intellects among ns, who tlunk and spea^ fiMr
themselves of literatnre, and the atts^ as boldly as of poUtLoa
I cauM4 but hope that a refnrm is at hand in the hAixnam-
bk world ; and I predict that Amerieans in all parts of tho
eowitry inU soon use silver forks, for some more sensU^k
reaaoQ than that Englishmen have |Mr(moiinced it vulgar to
tat with a knifo.

There are those among ns^ who regard the attadcsof the
Saglish with good-natured ccmtempt, who feel amnsed, noft
ineenned by their jealousy, and consider it nnbecomiiig Ame-
ricans to notice their slanders. They very properly regard
personalities as low bred, and believe it as nngentlemanly in
ns to retort, as it is in the English to assail For the
opinions of such persons, I entertain so higjh a reqpeot^ thai
I most willingly make to them an explanation of my coarse,
in the following pages. I agreewith them entirely, tiliat per^
sonal attacks are vnlgar, and that the indulgence in them,
by our assailants, does not justify us in their use. Bui in
any warfure, we must adapt our weapons to the enemy with
whom we are engaged, and hard blows are the only logic the
English understand. To affect l^eir imdorstandings, we
must pnnch their heads. We have aeted on the defensive
principle bag enough, and if we are not ambitious of always
gomlmtting th^ butts for newspa|Mar jokeS| and tourists' dsJir

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(i0rs, we must <namhea make tiie attacL To ffoeore
(•aee, we mast '' e^rry the war into Africa." If we do not
ourselves maintain onr ^gnity, the English will soareelj do
to I6r us. Towards them, we most be as stiif and unbend-
4t^^a&tilem8elves. We most demand, not beg their atten-
4bQ. We know what is due ns; wemnst insist upon re-
oeMi^ il To saih the matter np, it is time we should
,^ set iq^" for ourselTes ; we must fiilH our destiny, without
■Btoppii:^ to inquire what people in England will say. We
have too kog been in the leading strings of flieai BritaiB ;
lbr«ien.if we were stillMi iafiuit among Ae wdaens of the
MHfdi, we dhodd B6f<er walk alone, if we did art try. Bot
we aie no loi^r a chUd. Young as we are we imte the
storagth, and let us diow the independeaiee of a man. We
Jutve a nationality of our own — ^it is our duty to support k.
To b^TOw the words of the immortal Washington^'-^ I
want an Amerioan oharaetw, that the powers of fiureye
ttay be ocmTOieed we aet for tmrsdveB^^wl not for otfa^s."

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CHAPTER n.

fHXPENlsnr HISAOLBS 19 EINILA9D.

SOME erudite J^gliBbman, Mr. Leigh Host, perini|Niy
ha* made the fMselions dwcorery iAoA one Ta»t eousteir
liiiea ike Ammean aeabo&rd, from Mmne to Flcnri^ Mwty
AmmoBXk should glory in the coBunerokl eaterprise of m»
emnatrj. In defence of our comm^cial rights we obtained
onr freedom. Oommerce gave us the power to aehie?e our
independenoe^ and by onr eommerce we have so glorionsly
maintained il But in reply to the palpable sneer of ^b»
funny gentleman, I will ineor the danger of startling my
readers by the novelty of an expression, for the sake of it#
f<Hree: ''people who liVe in glass houses ought not to throw
stones." Even supposing that Americans are somewhai
nu»re addicted to money-making, than is altogether eonsist-
ent with a philosophio contempt for gold, yet the Ei^liak
would do well to '*' cast out the beam out of" their own eye,
before seekii^ for '/ Uie mote " in ours. We do ex^t oup*
selves sturdily in the acquisition of wealth, 'tis trae, but tia
a secondary consideration, it is sought for only as a means of
power, and «ijoyment But with an Englishman, money m
IMPedminent ^ he loves it for its own snbstantial sake. And
if I can show that those ostentatiously paraded qualities ^
which Englishmen are most proud, are subservient to their
tiiirst for lucre, it seems to me that the most cdceptical should
be convinced that money ia adoraUe in their eyea^ for xta
own shining chams.

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She Ail^ m a eoy, fldU tiitiol^ wi& fav e«^^
Mid » Balked numhet ef senfiBieiita. Patriotism, nilh
A^l^ Beter ssraiMs that iwefied ettthiMMn^
otinrnatiowL Bui sliil «a KiglidBttMi lores Eagbad ; U
it praid^ IkigIaQd,&otihai ha dimmn about Iwr any ex*
tnertearj dbmas, Vat beoaaae ahe ^em daim tiia honor of
Imti^ gi^sea kirn birtk. Loy^ and r^gnm ate aibeted
bjan £i^iiliiBiB,]lkeab]ghdbirt-ooUar,a]idri6ek^
tbe iada^nsable ittiibates of a geatlenuai. Indeed, fe*
gantt^goilifityM ifiiposabiewiftboiit them, lie ealtfyatei
theae denmUe quUties with the eoaxii^ amidiiitj, with
wyeh mtibofliMtie ftmstii^ k bleak efimei, foree tropieal
plftats IB he« hoiiees. lb aeGordaaee with the roatiae of
pvoprietiee, whidbi he has preeoribed fer himtd^ tiie ktag
aari the eianfA are the pet olqeete of hie v^^eratioa. Bat
when ktags and ehoiohee eeoae to be redded, what can be
deeaiod eecved In .Bngland? When both loyalty a&d reK-
^ea «e tndedofi^ &r a pal^ oeB»detmttmi,irtio ean doiAt
the (pranrelUBg propeae^eaef theSiJf^ The Omfem^
mmiqf QfwU BriUun demands sisupence ^ epmy vm$9r
tm We9$minUar Abbey.

The meet careless werUlia^ must feel smpressed on en-
iitnag a Tcaeiable OathedraL l%ere is soaietiiiag awful,
even to the hrarest, about deatL There is soaiething sa*
mmif soea to the most bn^ in the tomb. Yet the Bag^
MA, isafiawingtobe distingokdied ftur their loyalty, sad pre-
teadBagfioasly to venerate every tUbg oeuweted with ike
firanl^ iai^e degraded this hoary pile, among whose oruBk-
bling ardies a half-dozen oeataiies fure perehed,«nd ia whose
iileat aides repose tiie most illastrioas Imtoos of Bnglish
lasiiaj i ^ iato a^shewwreesi, to poA»t saeh pitilal earaingt^ as
the hwder of an oigaa and iMnikey might seorn to grind
ftia. i^tdca adraatege ct tha desire, shared alike by
stm^^ers and Bof^isfamea, to nsit tim tombs of Briiaia^

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M

SjBgB, to fli«9^ tfMM aiElw^ H<nr

Aoep rootwL bhu^ be tiie ky^e of gai% wlwa tbsy wiH invsdo
the Micred imeinoto of tin gnt^, to feyy tius bfaMk mtak on
dMB ouiositj of BtrangerB ! How lost to aH soboo of Amm»
tofipooulateontlieliiyiltyof tiieaotioiil How<
moat bo tko mgn of gold in tho kearts of tbo noUoo, «
pomog tlio gO¥«nune]it, wiion tliey wo«dd oom p i iihic ig feaat
the dvst of ^hoir de«d aoooBtCffsl What opfadon Maat wa
oDt^tua of tho dlgmty and liboiality of a gOTommoi^
that amniaUy devotes imttioiis to the sap{»ort of its pension
list, and m^ yet drag foHli the shades of her horoos to
make a spectaele far the gaj^ng mnltitiido. What on «b-
alted estimate they most plaoe upon the servioes of these
dead moDaroh% when they exhibit them to i^pootaton at six-
peace* a head, bnt demand a shilling Idt a si^ of the inns
mottfeeys at <he Zoologioal Gardens. This sordid poU^
whieh, in ordw to pnt a few poimds mto the tnasofy, €<»s-
pds these aaeient worthies, who hate all ]^yed their pas<ls
in history^ to pky the catdipomy eharaoters be&(re a nrib^
midces eronn i^ra^;er, who never loved the Bnglish, Undi
for their baseness. Even I would have them spare them-
sdvQS diis last mark of ignominy.

Their apology is worthy of Ihe nationr^^ pnfy OMU mm-
pence i Price, not principle, is evmr nppatmmA in thdr
nJ&ds. It is tiie amoont a man pays, and not tibe 4>vtarage to
his fedings, that they thiid: it possible n»ght <&tnss hsaSL
Bnt in tiiis instance, the mimrteness of the charge is ha^pilf
ai^rtionod to the motive which prompted it What ooiM
be more contemptible llian eiiherl

These sceptred monarohs, who onoe swayed ihe wilfe of
miQions-— formerly tlm proad p o s so ss OT S of manors and
forests, are not now permitted to oocnpy in peace thmr poor
bodys length. The people of Great Britain have grown too
eager to reap its prdits, and the soS has reoentl!^ I

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too valuftlde to the liring, to-be eonsecrated as the resting-
.pla«e of the dead. These buried kings, in ceasing to be
feaved, are no longer respected; England has served them,
it is. now their tarn to serve England-* It is the duty of »
^^ood sovereign to be useful to his people. He must not be
-ftrbojtdMi to the state, and must therefore issue forth, to
^daaiee«^]tt^ancholy jig for the entertainment of the populace,
eadi one of whom has paid his sixpence to witness the ezM-
bition. A happy commentary truly upon the ancient glory,
»Bd modern degeneracy of England; — ^a heroic monarch
xedttoed to the level of a street exhibitor of Punch and
Judy 1 Who can doubt that the English love money when
Ami loyalty and Teligion are bartered for pence, and the^
^kings and churches transformed into the base means of dis-'
rifintftble gain ?

There is some^ing so venerable about ike Gothic arches
«f Westminster Abbey, — something so solemn in the silent
•mna^ of its discolored tombs, that it continues to be im-
posmg even in the dirty hands of its showmen. Here
jr^oses all that is greatest and best of England's proud
-fMAil. -Here the most eminent poets and sculptors of the
woHd, have rendered themselves immortal, in paying the
•hJBtvtribateto expired genius. Undying renown not only
"faaags rouad the names recorded, but rests on the hands
4lLat itoorded them. An atinosphere of holiest impulses
fareatbes over these iilustriouB numuments, and I would have
fio 0na drink it in who was not inspired by the genius of the
flaoe. A man, who could stand in the presence of these
honored dead, without experiencing the most elevated emo-
tbns, I would banish as an intruder from the sacred fane.
I'WoukL have a visit here prompted by the feelings, with
itdsaxAi devout palmers make pilgrimages to the holy places
«f ' the East. I would fain protect this solemn niche of his-
^oneal associatiomi from the approach, of idle curiosity. But
2

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the English seem anxious to destroy its c<m8ecrated eharae-
ter. They lower the exalted reputation of the pkee in
offering it to the public as an ordinary speetaeie; they
assail its sanctity, ip^en ihey make it a cheap exhibition.

The illiterate have always possessed a strong natural pre^
pensity for shows, which becomes especially animated, wben
it can be indulged at a trifling expense. There is so&ietym
strangely fascinating in the dignity of spending one^ own
money, and very comfortable in the idea of getting the*
worth of it. And it is only necessary to announce a ehevp
exhibition, of no matter what, to insure crowds of ignerairt
spectators flocking to see it. In the first place, the name ^
the thing is attraction, for it is arria^nged under the head of
'^ Amusements ;" then they have the luxury of spending
money, without the inconyenience attending a larger oirtiay,
and besides pe(^le have a passion for seeing and doing wha;t
they have to pay for, whatever is " free " possessing no at-
tractions. Who can doubt that this sixpenny charge proves
a bait to. swarms of such ignoramuses, who would, otkef-
wise, never dream of entering the Abbey ? And what rigiit
have the English government to suppose that they would;fe«l
greater veneration here, than at any other ^ show,'' when
they had paid sixpence to get in 1 They come to see^ n<^ to
reflect. They tramp through the resounding aisles in SeaMh
of something they do not find. Lost amidst a labyrinth of
names they never heard of, and stumbling among wotiE««f
art they do not understand, His not surprising that th^
should indulge their grumbling dissatisfaction. The diminu-
tiveness of the entrance fee becomes a source ^f comjplaihty
and these Englidtimen, who estimate every thing by what
they pa/ for it, wonder at their own folly in not foresMng
the character of the exhibition, from the cheapness of .tine
price of .admittance. They have paid their sixpence, how-
ever, and feel at liberty to criticise tb« peribrmanoe, aai^lt

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BIZPIimT MISA0I.1S IS KHGLAHD. 27

m from ik« jeering comments, and senseless gibes of a disap-
pointed rabble like this, that I would fain protect the h^*
lowed recesses of Westminster.

Those who attempt to defend this unworthy practice,
declare that the inconsiderable charge, which nobody can
fiael, is njade merely to defray the expenses of the necessary
ipvatdians of the church* against the mutilations of Tisitozs.
But would it not be more becoming the position of a gov-
emment, which generously gives the Queen $300,000 Mpin
mone^ and can afford to reward her majesty's ex-master of
the da^ce with a pension of five hundred dollars a year — ^to
4eyote a few hundred to the preservation of a relic, so
veneEsted as Westminster Abbey ? Or if the public finances
would not permit so inconsiderable an outlay, would it not
be more dignified to curtail the perquisites of the dashing
^oble who now receives as master of the queen's stag hounds?
$10,000 a year for occasionally amusing himself by going
hunting with a good pack of dogs, rather than subject the
poor old abbey to its pres^at ignominy ? Or, if this will
not do, and the queen's hpusehold must remain intact in
•Sj^te of the abbey, why not leave it to protect .itself? It
would be safer in its solitary majesty guarded only by the
glorious rocollectlons of the past than it could be when
watched by this hired train of insolent menials. Its very
'h^plessness would become unto it a wall of strength ; its
sil^kt appeal for mercy would protect it from the rudest
hands; and its monuments, that time and history have
united to render illustrious, would be safe, when a regiment
of scddiers might &il to preserve them. Englishmen, do
tbis ; — do what you will, but spare— oh spare the guiltless
shades of your buried ancestors the shame of such an
exposure I

But if^ in defiuioe of the sanctity of the place, and the
venoratioa you profess to feel for your forefathers,' yon

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will continue to make a show-lionse of yonr ancient cathe-
dral, why in the name of all that is decent, do you not make
the price of admission worthy of the celebrity of the
object ? or at least charge enough, to insure the proper con-
duct of the showmen ?

The government having closed the lofty public entrance,
either on the economical principle that prompts a man to
lock up his parl<^, except on Sunday, or because they are
ashamed of the business they are engaged in, the visitor to
Westminster is compelled to sneak round the back way,
through anr alley, which is not especially calculated to
heighten his preconceived impressions of the Abbey. But
he enters, and forgets all else.* Standing beneath the
vaulted arches of Westminster, he so loses all sense in the
delightful mazes of reverie, as seriously to interrupt the
business of the day, did not an official in sable softly de^
mand his cane, and thereby wake him up to a recollection
of what he came to do. By the by, even if you happen to
be a cripple, or a dandy, instantly discard your cane upon
arriving at the other side of the Atlantic. I care not how
lame you may happen to be ; limp, crawl, do what you eair,
but be not afflicted by this supernumerary nuisance. Fe^
if you, as of course you will, visit all the galleries and
lions of England, your cane will subject you to a greate*
expenditure of time, patience, and money, than most peo-^
pie are willing to submit to.

But the cane is deposited, and a new rush of emotioifft
occurs. The accumulated expectations pent up since his boy-
hood, become oppressive by delay, and the visitor grows
warm and fidgety in his anxiety to be admitted to the holier
places of the church. This intensely vivified excitement
never becomes dangerous, however, as by a charitably consft*
derate arrangement of the Englii^ government, it is always
allowed ample time to cool. The numerous gentlemeli^ifl

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8IXPEKNT IflRACIdBS IH ENGLAND. 29

Vnekj whom the gov eminent compels the old church to pay, for
so shabbily doiirg it%hoiiors, being of sedentary habits, and
a literary 1;um of mind, are unwilling to be interrupted to
conTey a single visitor through tHe interior chapels. It
requires a party of seven curious individuals, each one pro-
vided with a talisman in the shape of a sixpence, to inter-
rapit the. comfortable repose of a pompous official And as
most people have ceased to consider a show, composed of
mouldy monuments and tattered flags, a very lively one,
even when it happens to be a great bargain — a stranger
will usually incur the risk of remaining some time in the
antechamber. During the painful period of his probation,
he is subjected to the impositions of another class of huck-
sters. Watching with the liveliest interest the various stages
of his impatience, they rapidly advance upon him, from
every nook and comer, the instant they perceive him-
arrived at the extreme point of desperation. With un-
blushing assurance, they poke at the bewildered gentleman
descriptions of the Abbey, plans of the building, pictures
of the monuments, and armsfull of other plausible stuSy
which they feel very confident he has not«the courage, in
bift exhausted condition, to refuse. Of course he buys
^VjOry thing, without much examining the contents, for in
bis melancholy frame of mind the advertisements of the
'^ Tintes,?'. ai week old, would prove a refreshing literary
treat. At length,'however, the mystical number of seven is
made up. The stately keeper slowly rises — ^unlocks the
door-^asses us in one by one, that being the most con-
venient mode of collecting the sixpences— enters himseli^
and again turns the key. An extraordinary metamorphosis
instantly occurs. Our guide assumes an alacrity quite
starUing, when contrasted with his former ;torpidity. The
0>an appeaors to be worked by steam. In his mumbled
Bi^utia^ .of nameS) dates, and nonsense, the only distinguish-

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able feature is its haste. He rashes as tluroagli cliapds,
over monuments, and along aisles, without ever pausing
for breath, till he has put us out at a gate on the other
side, with the satisfied sigh of a man who has just accom-
plished a very irksome task. This is a visit to West-
minster t This it is to hold communion with the illustrious
dead ! This is the intellectual enjoyment which the Eng-
lish government have considered too delicious to be offered
to the public gratis.

In the inextricable confusion of ages, persons, and
events, in which his guide has succeeded in involving him,
the visitor feels stunned in attempting to recollect what he
has seen : few men would be rash enough to attempt re-
membering what they had heard. A vague vision of
antique tombs, Gothic chapels, and curious sanctuaries is all
he has to show for his visit to the Abbey. What time has
been allowed to the historian, to connect the chain of events,
recorded by these monuments ? Has the antiquary had an
opportunity of examining the inscriptions? Has the phi-
losopher been permitted to reflect upon the extraordinary
changes which these tombs are calculated to call up in his
mind % Or what opportunity has ihe ordinary visitor en-
joyed, of either thought or reflection, whilst composing one
of the express train, which our locomotive guide has sue-
ceded in '' putting through," in such extraordinarily fast
time ? The chief enjoyment in the Abbey arises from
association ; time must be granted for its indulgeilGe. What
educated stranger, in pajiing his sixpence, would not be
delighted to give twenty times the sum, to be allowed to
enjoy his visit in his own way, without the hateful domi-
nation of the fast guide? But 'the English government,
although too avaricious to surrender so important a branch
of the public revenue, are too timid to demand a higher
price ; their only apology for making the Abbey a paying

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exhibition, being, ihat the charge is an extremely ^moder-
ate " one. Too mean to resist the temptation to make a
petty charge, they are destitute of the moral courage to profit
by a larger one.

I would love to muse among these gray old tombs.
I should delight to study the quaint epitaphs in which the
partial friends of ancient times have recorded the imaginary
Virtues of the dead. I would take strange pleasure in
wandering through these loffcy corridors and echoing aisles
with the spirit inhabitants of the place. I could find ex-
quisite enjoyment in passing with them through the history
of the past, som^ of whose stirring events each one of them
has helped to contribute. The food for memory, and the
pleasures of association, in a spot like this, seem endless.
But for such enjoyment a man must be allowed to linger
long and often in these hidden recesses. He «aust not be
interrupted, or hurried by impertinent guides ; he .must be
permitted to fly even from himself, and live only in the
past. But such permission would be considered most
reprehensible extravagance, in the management of the
public fonds ; it would be giving too much ^ show " for
sixpence.

I have too long lost sight of our visitor. Hurried, and
heated, he is ejected from that other gate by the grim jani-
, tor, who slams the door in his face when he attempts some^
what to enlighten himself by a civil question, and uncere-
moniously leaves him to get out as he best can. Thoroughly
dicfgusted with the whole proceeding, he experiences even
greater anxiety to make his exit than he had previously
done his efUree. Proceeding forthwith to the nearest out-
let, he demands with sarcastic politeness his cane, which the
bland gentleman in black hands him, with a brief, but em-
phatic, ^ Tuppence, Sir, please." In a fume, he searches all
his pockets, which had been previously exhausted of their

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Bmall change, in the purchase of bad deseriptions, and wane
pictures of the Abbey, without being able to corner a stray
sixpence, or eyen shilling. He is at length forced to hand
a half-sovereign to the bland man, who, smiling his regret
that he has nothing but small change, industriously proceeds
to freight the pockets of the exasperated visitor with pen*
nies, which would all have been unceremoniously thrown
into his face, had not the unfortunate sight-seer retained
coolness enough to be aware that he would pick them all
quietly up again, and be extremely obliged to bim for his
profusion. Becoming hc^elessly conscious of the utter help-
lessness of his position, he says not a word, but with a slight
groan, starts off, packing copper as naturally as the mules
in the mines of Peru. Such is the pitch of intellectual en-
joyment, to which the enlightened policy of Great Britain
has succeeded in elevating a visit to Westminster Abbey.

The sanctity of St. Paul's is invaded by the same mer-
cenary policy, which has degraded Westminster. A stran-
ger, whether actuated by curiosity or piety, cannot cross its
sacred threshold, without first depositing a sixpence, which
seems the general passport to all the holy places of England.
Its being demanded at the door of every public building,
worth visiting, has conferred on the paltry price a sort of
nationality. From the frequency of its payment, we nato.-
rally associate it with the people and the government.
Beally this perseverance in making this trivial charge, ia
all public places, evinces a determination on the part of the
government to make the minutest of silver coins the stand-
ard of British honor. But whether they will succeed in
elevating the sixpence to the dignity of the nation, or debaa*
ing the dignity of the nation to the value of the sixpence, is
a question future historians must determine.

Montesquieu says that honor is the safeguard of monar^
chies, as patriotism is that of republics. Does it not look

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BIZPSNNT MXBACXJSS IN ENGLAND. Sd

ominous for the future glory of Ibgland, that she herself
yalues her honor so lightly ?

If there be in England an object of mrhich all classes may
be justly proud, it is St. Paul's Church. It combines all that
is stately and beautiful in architecture — eyery thing that is
grand and imposing in religion. Piety and patriotism have
thrown about it their powerful influences, though it had no
need of either to make it impressive. The magnificent result
of one nation's wealth, and one man's genius, it confers honor
on Wren, and glory on England. Though the largest Pro-
testant church in the world^ and among the brightest tri-
umphs that architecture has achieved, — though it required
forty-seven years for its completion, it is remarkable that
the unassisted genius of Sir Christopher Wren planned and
executed this stupendous work. He laid the comer-stone,
and he superintended the erection of the crowning cross.

There is a solemn repose about the looming dome of St.
Paul's, an elegance about Its graceful towers, and chaste
beauty about the supporting columns, that must awe into
silent admiration the most careless passer-by. What an ef-
fect, ^en, must it produce upoli the stranger, who views it
fi>r the first time. Excited, delighted, and amazed by the
splendor of its exterior, the Tisitor hastens to lose himself
amidst the glories within — ^but is rudely stopped at the door
to pay his admission-fee. What a fell blow to his noble as-
pirations! What violence to all sense of propriety, and
every feeling of religion ! A church, however lowly, should
be kept holy as the memory of a mother's name ; it should
be guarded from pollution like the sanctity of her tomb.
To convert the humblest fane to worldly purposes is sacrilege.
But what shall we call the act that degrades a temple like
St. Paul's to the common custom of a tavern, where every-
body may enter by paying — nobody without. To disturb
the holy silence of the bouse of God by the angry chaffering

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of a doorkeiaper about the price of admission, is a deed with-
out a name — a sin without a parallel

But, once within the doors — once under the influence of
the sublime beauty of all above and around him, it is no
difficult matter for the visitor again to become wrapped in
admiration, and lost in thought. Beneath the vast expanse
of that mighty dome, his thoughts soar heavenwards, his soul
expands into that almost boundless space, — ^he hears no'^
thing — ^he sees nothing — ^he knows nothing but the marble
wonders about him. Little does he dream, all this while, that
he has himself been the object of solicitous and unceasing
attention. There is a suspicious-looking individual, in shab-
by black, intensely eyeing him, whom instinct would have
told him to avoid, had he been aware of his presence. At
length, seeming to despair of any other mode of attracting
our wrapped visitor's attention, this gloomy-looking function-
ary, with the gliding movements and haggard visage of a
ghost, delicately touches his elbow, and wishes to know, in
the softest possible tones, " Whether the gentleman wouldn't
like to visit the whispering gallery ?" Stupefied, as if sud-
denly awakened from a dream, he stares for a moment in si-
lence at the 'intruder, finds his voice briefly to answer ''No!"
and takes refuge behind one of the many elegant groups of
pillars that adorn the church. His privacy is soon invaded
by another hungry official, who insinuatingly suggests to
him the propriety of " taking a look at the library." Once
more he flies — ^this time to a remote niche, where his con-
templation of the heroes' statue, enshrined within, is again
interrupted by a third officious individual, who condescend-
ingly informs him that " the old tower clock is a great won-
der of its kind.'^ Justly concluding the plan of persecution
to be systematic, and finding it impossible to be alone, or to
think, our visitor resolves to be resigned, and yields him-
self unmurmuring to the guides. With a vast parade of

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8IXFENNT MIBACLSS IV XNOLAND. 85

ceremony, he is condaoted to the whicrpering gallery, where,
of course, he drops a sixpence ; he then sees the library for
the same amount, and he is escorted to the grand tower qIw^
where another sixpence is invested. Thus is he coaxed &om
object to object, and story to story of the building, till he
finds himself at the top of the dome, out of breath and small
change, with nothing to compensate him for this double ex-
haustion, except dense clouds of smoke, with the black tops
of tall chimneys occasionally peering through them. He
consoles himself with the unsatisfactory reflection that his
lofty situation is, at least, an uncommonly airy one. Suffer-
ing has made him philosophical ; and, with panting sides
and aching knees, he counts on his fingers the number of
bores through which he has been dragged against his will ;
and for what ? to enable the English government, and its
mercenary creatures, legally to empty his pockets of all the
sixpences they happened to contain. Not satisfied with in-
terrupting him, whilst attempting to enjoy his visit to the
church in his own way, these active allies of petty extortion
must subject him to the excruciating infliction of " tower
bells," " whispering galleries," and " libraries," which a man
would wonder Jiow they could ever consider worthy of being
shown till he remembered how essential they were to the
extraction of the prescribed quantity of small coin from un-
suspecting strangers. In this instance, the sixpence must
have been a joint-stock operation, — Government must have
quiekened the zeal of its minions, by allowing them a small
additional commission upon the amount collected. The per-
severance with which they adhered to every visitor to St.
Paul's, till they had run him through their entire routine,
was too unwearying, not to have been quickened by* some
pecuniary inducement of the sort. But how could a reason-
able man complain after having been so highly edified by
the extremely interesting objects he had just visited, and

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when, tooy he most haye felt so inexpressibly indebted to the
polite attentions of his various guides in pointing them out?
The view from the summit of the dome of St. Paul's was
somewhat on the mysteriously indistinct order, 'tis true, but
he oould not hold his accommodating guides responsible for
the London fog) more especially as they had afforded him
such intense gratification in the bell tower and whispering
gallery.

Superlatively disgusted, our visitor hurries the next
4ay for consolation to the Tower. The same delays, the
same annoyances, and the same petty extortions await him,,
which had assailed him at the Abbey and St. Faults. He
sadly yielded to the conviction that the English government
had, with the wand of power, thrown up a small cireumvaUa-
tion of sixpences around him, from whioh it was as vain to
attempt an escape, as from the magical circle of an en*
chanter. Destitute of ihe energy to rail at such interrupted
persecution, he surrendered himself into the hands of his
tormentors, without a hope, or even a wish to escape.

There is perhaps no object on the other side of the At-
lantic, about which clusters deeper, or more varied interest
for the stranger, than the Tower of London. Its fortunes
have been so eventful, and of such startling contrast, that its
simple annals possess the thrilling interest of romance. The
curiosity with regard to it, is not confined to a single class
of persons. It possesses a charm for all ages and condition&
The brilliant and bloody pageants which have been enacted
within its waUs and its fatal green, are strangely fascinating
to the raw-head and bloody-bones period of youthful imagi-
nation, whilst its long and intimate connection with remark-
able events during the most glorious epochs of English
history, give it an importance in the eyes of maturer years.
Whether we study it whilst flashing with splendor as the

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SIXPENNY mRAGUU IN SNOLAND. 89

residence of a great monarchy or penetrate its gloom wben
given ttp to tiie uses of a prison, the same intense interest per-
vades the story of its fortunes. Whilst its lofty Balls have
been ringing with meniment of the masques and mummeries
of a eoort ball, the sigh of some Icme martyr to liberty was
smothered in the damps of its dungeons. In its mysterious
cabinets ambition was bom, and conquest planned ; in its^
sombre chambers of strong bolts and grated windows, pined
the royal prisoners that victory gave. What strangely
mingled tales its o^d walls might tell of splendor and mis-
ery, glory and shame, mirth and sorrow. Its lofty tiurets
and towers may be justly considered the archives of Bri*
tain. On its mildewed walls and creaking portcullis is
written the social history of the English people. Yet this
hoary pyramid of pride, which the Conqueror reared, and
bis successors rendered memorable by their presence, and
their deeds, has been converted to purposes that an old barn
might answer equally as well. The munificent policy by
which the English government have been latterly distin*
guished, has changed this ancient stronghold, so replete with
records of which England might boast, into a common ware-
house for the lumber and rubbish of the ordnance depart-
ment. To subject the gloomy old pile to such vile uses, is
like baiting a chained lion with lapdogs — the sport is as
unworthy those engaged in it as the unfortunate victim.

Light is now excluded from those elegant apartments,
which onee blazed with all the magnificence of a court, for
powder has usurped the place of kings, and the gay cour-
tiers have been banii^ed by lead. Those luxurious cham-
bers, where many an antique dandy has capered 'Ho the
lascivious pleasings of a lute," are now stowed with the bales
and barrels of government. The spider weaves his web
where floated the gorgeous tapestry of other days. And the
silence of those lofty corridors, which once echoed the busy

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ZB BNOUfiH

hum of a royal riesidenoe, is now interrupted only by ihe
gambols of rats that have taken advantage of the solitnde.

In a A)untry wbere they profess to respect every thing
old, and where any thing would be idolized that ^dates back
to William the Conqueror ; among a nation who estimate
the merits of men and wine only by the date of their family
and the time of its vintage, its antiquity alone should
have protected the Tower. But money is stronger than
time among them. Nothing can be so ennobled by the
latter that the former cannot purchase its honor. No
national monument is respected when money is either to be
made or saved by its desecration. To avoid tiie invest-
ment of a few thousand pounds in proper arsenals and store-
houses, the stately palace of England's best kings has been
subjected to its present degradation. Economy is as hon-
orable in the administration of governments, as it is desira-
ble in the management of domestic affairs. But are sudi
petty savings becoming the wealth and dignity of a great
natton ? Does not such extreme frugality sink into parsi-
mony? Is it not more sordid than prudent? disgraceful
rather than honorable ?

The strength of these massive walls and frowning towers
— the hoary survivors of eight centuries — are only admira-
ble in their eyes as a safe means of protection to the pubHc
stores. The airy turrets, and picturesque beauty of the
White Tower — ^rich in the lore that Englishmen should
love to cherish-— only appear interesting in their eyes when
they calculate the probable amount they may make by their
exhibition. Having found that the White Tower could be
made more profitable as 'a showroom than as. a warehouse,
they have gotten up an exhibition, very similar, in the man-
ner of conducting it, to that of the Abbey. They charge
.sixpence — only admit visitors in parties — and leave them at
the mercy of rude guides, just as they do at the Westmin-

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8IZPSNKT lOBAOUUt IN XNOLAKD. M

ster. The only difference is that Ae parties must oonsuit
of fourteen persons, instead of seven, and that the guides
dress in red, instead of black.

A stranger, on entering the lowering gateway, is stopped
At the ticket*offiee. ^ Sixpence, sir," remarks tibe doorkeeper,
as he hands him his ticket. The gentleman pays his rix-
penee, and is moving off, when he is stopped by ^* Pwhaps
yon would like to see the Crown Jewels and Begaliat"
^ Yes, of course ; I wish to see every thing that is shown."
^ Oh, very well ; sixpence more, please,'' as he hands out
another ticket. The visitor makes a new application to his
pocket, and again moves on, when the doorkeeper once more
shouts after him, " We have excellent descriptions of the
Tower, will you take one ? " The visitor stalks solemnly
back, and is greeted with, " Only sixpence, sir," as he- re-
ceives his book, and pays the required amount. "First door
on the right,'' observes the tidket-seller, as he turns to a
new applicant. This sharp individual, presiding over iha
financial department of the Tower, appears to practice on
the homoeopathic principle of making his charges in infinitesi-
mally broken doses, to adapt them, no doubt, to the consti-
tutional peculiarities of his nation, which would revolt at
the enormous charge of a whole shilling, unless artftdly di^
Tided into sixpences. After entering " the first door on
the right," our visitor has nothing more to amuse him, until
the fourteen are assembled, except to criticise the somewhait
theatrical costume of the gifides, who are here d^nified by
the title of "Warders," and to ruminate upon the very
honorable uses the English people make of the advantages
their ancestors have conferred upon them: Westminster
and the Tower for instance. How can be entertain very
exalted notions of England's honoT, when he here sees it
bartered for so trifling a consideration ? How can he respect
Bii^ishmen, when they have ceased to respect themselves ^

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40 MveuiH tfSMfi.

Ill paying sixpeiioe to Bee the Tower, is a man not apt, ia
i^te of himaelf , to estimate the national olmracter at the
same cheap rate ?

But to the dress of the warders. It consist^ of a anr-
ooat of red merino, ekborately dashed with black velvet,
and set off by a low-orowned black hat, of ontlaadiah ap-
pearance, which is said to complete the identical uniform of
yeomen of the guard, under Henry Y III. Their honorable
employers certainly displayed rare discrimination in rigging
out the warders in the livery of the tyrant, when they placed
them on their present dirty duty. The arbitrary power,
which compels tiie nation and her guests to pay a paltry
sum for visiting public property, like the Tower, possesses
all the meanness, though destitute of the boldness, whidi
diaracterized Henry's outrages against the people. The
fturcoats of the gentlemen warders are rather scant, but
certain I am that the same quantity of merino never covered
an equal amount of ignorance and insolence as is stowed
away beneath eaeh blushing uniform.

Engludi officials however, are invariably impertinent, from
the policeman at the comer to the minister in Downing*
street. They all appear so impressed by the importance oi
th^ positions, that they look down with a sort of lofty
scorn \xp6n the rest of creation, and appearing really deluded
into the belief that they confer a favor on the people by
accepting their offices, they pocket their money, and treat
them as inferiors, with the coolest possible condescension
imaginable. They seem siarangely to mistake their functions,
when, in becoming the servants of the public, they consider
it incumbent on them to play its tyrants. A stranger might
suppose them paid to in^olt rather than oUige those whom
necessity brihgs into contact with them. Englishmen them-
selves avoid them, and urgent indeed must be the occasion
which could mduce them to brave the unbearable presom^

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sixpsNinr iiau€u» in xnolasd. 41

tion of these infloleni servitors. Clothed in a little Vrief
authority, it is really amazing what an amount of arroganee
and rudeness a lowborn Englishman manages suddenly to
get up* In entering up<m the duties of an office, however
ooBtemptible^ they appear to imagine that they have beeome
inte^al portions of a haughty gov einment, and must be feared
and £umed upon accordingly. In donning the badge of
offioe, they always assome the mysterious official air, which,
with bent brows and abstracted gase, is intended to intimate
to the uninitiated how deeply they are immersed in the af*
fairaof the nation. Even when his sole duty is to jgive su^
iofbrmation to the public as may be required, the meanest
official will reply to a civil question with monosyllabic tart-
ness, as if his private meditations had been unwarrantably
intruded upon. ' Indeed, none of them ever condescend to
attend to the business of their offices, without a supereilious
air of doing a favor instead of duty, which they are woU
paid to perform. From the clerk at the railway d6p6t to
the secretary of the office where a man is compelled to go
about passports, the same laconic rudeness is observable. I
conceive it to be the duty of a government, which so fre-
quently demands attendance at its public offices, so to regu-
late them as to protect not only its own subjects, but
strangers, £rom the insults of these impertinent hirelings.

The party of fourteen have beai assembled. We are
drawn up in a line, and undergo a brief inspection as to tick-
ets^ &e., when our fat leader, in red, places himself at the
head of the ^umn, and we immediately take up the line of
march, double-quick time, for the White Tower. We make ,
no. halts on tiie way to admire the gloomy portal-— the mas-
sive walls, fourteen feet thick, and the deep fosse, which is
now dry ; we pause not to wonder at the ponderous oak
dcwrs, uid rusty portcullis of the Traitor^s Gate, but are
hurried on more like a file- of prisoners for ib» dungeons of .

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4St nnfouea

ike Tower, than a party of intereBting touruls, eadi oae of
whom bad paid his sixpence, and was consequently enriofUl
to examine all that presented itself. We esitet the WMte
Tower when the real animation of the proceedmgs seems biit
jnst commenced. Oar guide becomes marvellously lively im
Ids movements, and, considering the tower-like rotundity of
his solid person, he performed fidats almost miraoulomL How
he managed to keep in him the requisite quantity of wind
for his brisk trot, and unceasing flow of the flat jokes and
stale information with which he regaled us, really seemed te
me one of the most curious things I witnessed in the Towers
Oars was a breath-taking speed. In fact, if each one of us^
on entering, had been mounted on one of the plethorio-look*
ing horses composing the line of equestrian figures in tiie
armory, we could not have galloped through faster, or seen
less, than under the direction of our corpulent guide. In
our helter-skelter, pell-mell, devil-take-the-hindmost aoti of
race, there was a prolonged flash of armor, swords, and
lances — a hideous vision of instruments of torture, and droll
implements fbr rendering war more terrible, by mangling its
victims, — and indistinct phantoms of blocks and axes, — ^all
dancing about Sir Walter Raleigh's prison apartment in in-
explicable confusion, when we were suddenly pnt out, as hav-
ing seen a sixpence worth of the Tower.

Why is it, I demand again, if government will persist in
charging visitors to public places of celelnrity, that they will
not charge enough to render the style of getting up the exhi-
bition more in accordance with the interest of the objects, and
in a way altogether to dispense with these nuisances of guides
who at present infest them ? Or if it is essential to their own
comfort to have some official about the premises, why not
make the price of admission sufficiently great to command
the services of men of mtelligence, who might materially
assist 4Uid enliven the visitor's examination of the objects ^

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8IXPXKKY lORACCBB IK BNGLAND. 48

eitrioBity ? Station these persons in the armory of the White
Tower, for instanee, and allow the intelligent risitor some
epportnnity of pausing amidst so many aneient and cnrious
tUngs which he finds worthy of study. What time has he
Airing the peripatetie discourse of nonsense with which he
is now inflicted, to examine with attention a single object,
6t indulge, hbwever cursorily, his natural curiosity ? Our
irarder seemed equally put out in his rigmarole by pauses
and questions ; so he paid no sort of attention to either.
He never stopped or even caught his breath till he had gotten
through with us and his story together. How remarkably
instructive, as well as interesting, he succeeded in making
Idmself, one might judge from the following example:
^ Ladies and gentlemen, this is a suit of Aarmor worn by
^Enry the JSeighth." Both pieces of information happened
to be equally superfluous, as the name of Henry YIII. was
written above the flgure in fair Roman characters, and the
streaks of gold were very plainly visible at different points
of the harness. Yet'he delivered Umself with all the pomp-
ous volubility with which he incidentally made the startling
announcement to the company, ^ That the 'orse of King
'Enry was factually much given to Seating ^oats to Aex-
oess."

But so long as the En^ish government is directed by the
present catchpenny policy, it will be too greedy td abolish
charges altogether at Westminster, St. Paul's and the Tow-
er, and too timid to make any alterations in the manner of
exhibiting them. The guides, at all the places, are indispen-
sable allies in the present system. By abolishing these
irresistible propellers, pauses would inevitably occur, whicfa^
by allowing a visitor some opportunity of gratifying his cu-
rit>sity, might rob the exchequer of an additional sixpence,
by lessening the probability of his returning for a second
yvA%, No such danger must be incurred, and the guides are

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44 mfQhma itsms.

eonBeqeuiitij kept in aotiye reqmBition. It is now an impor^
tant part of their duty, like the donkey-boys of Sgyptj to
keep the party at top speed, to prevent the possibility of a
visitor'sL seeing any thing with soffieient distinctness to make
him feel satisfied with a single visit. His introductory rmshr
is merely intended to increase his desire for future inspec-
tions. As much as I disliked to become a victim of so mis-
erable a conspiracy, I was compelled to yield, and .as fast as
I was ejected, I went back, paid another sixpence, and wait-
ed the assembling of a new fourteen, till I was able to form
some conception of the White Tower. It, was my only
chance, and by examining a little each time, I at last be-
came somewhat familiar with the intensely interesting ob-:
jects in the horse armory, and the apartment occupied by
Sir Walter Ealeigh, during his long imprisonment. But
what an insufferable bore a man is forced to submit to, be-
oause the English government have not the liberality to
throw open these celebrated places to the publie free <ji
<^arge, and yet are wanting in the moral courage to charge
as mueh for one long visit, as a half-dozen short ones cost.

Englishmen universally object to the haste with which
an American takes his meals ; a dinner, according to ihe&i
authority, is somelMng to be lingered over with toying fond*
ness; but they dii^ateh the refined mental enjoyment of
Westminster, St. Paul's, and the Tower, with a celerity as*
tounding even to us go-ahead Americans. Their extreme
deliberation ajb the dinner-table, and the excessive rapidity
with which they hurry through the intellectual feasts ^read
at these celebrated places, decisively indicate how vastly more
important they consider the gratification of the belly than the
mind. It is, however, a ha^^y illustration of the character of
the peq)le. The leopard cannot change his spots, nor the Ethi-
opian his skin. Their innocent ignorance, that a man could
dierive any sort of pleasure from mere thought and asseciar

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BIXFEHNT MIRAOIXS IH SNOLAMD. 45

iion, would be perhaps a mnoh better apology for their vst-
Beemlj manner of ezfaibifcg saored epots, than the cheapnets
of the price of admission. Thej find it difficult to reidiie
that a man can ever require less substantial food than roast-
beef, or that he could long for mwe ethereal inspiration than
a bottle of porter. 4%ey appear to think that the mind
need possess ilo hi^er cultiyation, than to appreciate an ar-,
tistically cooked dish ; and that it requires no more inten-
sive knowledge than to find the way to market. Between
the dinner-table and the market-house, an En^ishman's high-
est aspirations continually wander; he has no hope, and
knows no fear beyond them. All other scenes and plans are
mere accessories to these, whieh may be safely pronounced
the foci of the ellipse in which rolls his existence.

Better would it be for the honor of the English Nation,
if they had been bom in the degradation, as they are endued
with the propensities, of the modem Egyptians. Bright^
far would be their reputation if they had been reared to ery
^ backsheei^" to each passing stranger, rather than degrade
those monuments of glory, received from their ancestors, into
Iflflting memorials of their own shame. A people that have
grown up in rags and ignorance, are pardonable for the grov-
elling instincts of wretchedness. But what palliation can
be offered of the conduct of Glreat Britain ? To a nation,
whose ostentatious piety sends missionaries into the ronotest
quarters of the globe, even charity refuses an apology, for
the habitual desecration of her churches.

The very advantages which wealth and power have con-
ferred upon her, are witnesses, trumpet-tongued, against her
baseness. Is such an example to the rest of the world wor-
thy the enlightened head of civilisation in the middle of Uie
mneteentb century? Does the golden or the copper age
reign in England, where pelf is dearer than honor, and penoe
are eagerly reoMved in exchange for repntatton? The me*

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46 BNGLIBB ITXM8.

morimk of nronificeiiee, left' them by thdr fathers, hare, in
their hands, beoome the testimoiij^which oonyicts them of
meanxiess.

Want oftra reduces pride to lowliness, and necessitj
will sometimes drive the noUest natures to the onworthiest
praotioes. It woiild be Incky for« England if she had
been onfortonate ; poverty might have proved her salvatittL
But with wealth, far surpassing that of every other country ta
the universe, and with all the education and refinement which
that wealth could bestow, she disgraces the high position
which circumstances have conferred upon her, in mere wan-
tonness of corruption. Their besotted nature would excuse
the Hottentots, even in the eyes of. the most censorious, for
bartering away the priceless mementoes of the past glories
of their country. We do but pity the ignorance of the boor,
who sold for a few florins the almost invaluable diamond
lost by Charles the Bold at the battle of Oranson ; but what
feeling of sympathy can we reserve for a civilized nation,
anxious to sell that " immediate jewel of their souls," their
own good name? What anathemas do we not feel tempted
to heap on the heads of those daily engaged in the traffic of
that ^purest treasure mortal times afford" — ^^ spotless r^«*
tation."

Nq cdlection of curiosities in the world better deserves
its name, than the Zoological Gardens of London. In tha
number and variety of animals, they greatly surpass ihe hx*
£uaed Jardin des Plantes of Paris. No more extensive or
curious field, could be presented to the study of the natur-
alist. Every zone has been made to contribute some of the
rarest denizens of its savage forests. Every species ^
animal, from the white bear of the polar regions, to the
giraffe of the tropics, is so arranged in the same extensive
iBclomires, as to develope more of their natire pecuIiaritiiA

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8IZPXNNT lORAOIXff IN BNOLAHB. 4*1

&an m any oiher meimgerie in the world. Here we find tbe
seal diving for his fishy meal, the hippopotamus lasily lolling
in his quagmire, and the elephant as quietly suckling her
young, as if none of tibem had eyer ceased to roam in their
own particular element. By the exquisitely artistic arrange-
ments^ whieh wealth and science have united to make, the
ij^r is dieated of his jungle, and the lioness rears her cubs
as regularly as if raging in her own natire deserts. It
would be impossible, by the most elaborate description, to
aff<»d a correct idea of the taste and elegance displayed, as
well in the arrai^ement of the beasts, as in the adornment
irf the gardens themselves. We find cranes slowly wading
their ponds, or eagerly watching for the game that lurks at
its bottom. Here all the rarer and more exquisite varieties
pf water-fowl are seeii, with their downy broods, gayly swimr
misg in lakes, so naturally wild, and wildly beautiful, as to
jttflJce them forget the solitary lagoons 'tis their nature to
firequent It would require a man of scientific attainments
in natural history, properly to name even the classes of the
various beasts, birds, and reptiles, composing this stupendoua
eolleotlon. All the numerous exhibiticms I had previously
as^, scarred to give me but a poor idea of the exteait and
int^est of this. The gardens themselves, which are very
extensive, are rendered charming by the exquisite arrange-
■Mut of mingled grass-plots, trees, and flowers, which en-
hance the beauty of the place, as much as the interest of
the exhibition. Every thing is beautiful, every thing grand
and munificent^ except the ruling spirit of the place. The
Zodteigical Gardens, like Westminster, St. Paul's, and the
Xower, are under the control of the English Government,
and are subjected to the same degradatbn. '^ The trail of
the serpent is over them all," The magnificence displayed
in ^the nrrangement of the gardens, acts like a microscope
A^aon the. meanness of reducing the nation to the condition

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48 XMGUBH ITSMS.

of a oommon ahowiiMUi : it serres to expose its def<Hniiity m
all its hideonsaess. If the Zoological Gardens really be a
national exhibition, the nation certainly |K>ssesses the right
to their gratuitous enjoyment. But no! the govemment
would then be deprived of their most acceptable occupatiim.
They basely use, without permission, the authority of the
people's name, to make them sharers in a disgrace for which
they alone are responsible. A stranger in paying his shilling
for admission into an exhibition, which has been dubbed ^' nor-
tional" in contradistinction from another in the Surrey Gar^
dens, very naturally suspects that the people are partners in this
contemptible transaction. But he learns wii^ astonishment
that they are fellow-su£ferers from this degrading imposition.
Many countries have failed properly to remunerate their
leaders for the blessings they have conferred upon them; but
the English people are compelled to pay for the ignominy,
with which their despotic rulers have loaded them.

How marked is the contrast existing between the course
of England, and the jealous care with which France pre-
serves her national integtity. In Paris every institution (^
learning and science, all galleries of fine arts, and places of
amusement) except the theatres, are thrown generously open
to the public. In making them national, France has made
them free. She justly considers it a stain upon her honor,
to degrade her great public institutions into mean sourees
of gain. She rightly believes it beneath the dimity of a
powerful government, to demand pecuniary rewards for ser-
vices rendered to its subjects. She seems -happily* aware of
the distinction between the munificence of a nation, and the
necessities of an individuaL She appears to feel that though
a citizen may get up an exhibition, without loss of honor, a
nation cannot play the showman, without disgrace. There is
no branch of science — ^no description of literature, whidi a
man is desirous of pursuing, that he cannot accomplish, fne

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§t, abitgt, la tte ^wletaMed lOifiHtettoiiA of IMa .11^3
^lU^htQued i^{aiit, wM«k eieibieil the oolleget, Ii»» lu^y
Ahrown open their doors to all ^siassea of oitizens. The pnb-
Ue galleries, enriched by master-pieces of all the cdebrated
painters a&d sculptors of the world, are gratoitooslj opened
jto tiu humblest iodividual, whose taete may iacliae to the
dpjo^xia^t id woi^ of art. There is no learned i^est^a-
tifi^ WhiA a^nia^ m9f bave oceasioii to neake, i^ which he
•will not be faeilitated; without (H»t, by the intelligeBt
i&ffiiHals^ whom the govenunesit has stat^ned in the pftbli*
JihrarMS. Askd^ evetj grotesque Frew^omai is allowed ie
tH^joy, as long as he pleases, the antios of the monkeys in
* Ijie '^ Jo^dint d89 JPiante$'^ witli0at prerioiMily paying k &uie
fer admission at the gate.

Would not the English do well to take a £ow hints item
jfifeeir B)»ighbors, in theit management of the Zoological Gar-
deoa? If the goyemment of the wealthiest cooBtry in the
world cim&Qi really afford to lose the trifling revenue, mA-
«Bg'fr^m this public promenade, why not farm the gardens
Ymt taa company, instead of stooping to play the showmaa
timtsdves? Sneh an wras^ement would aeeessarily in-
wolre a divitton of pn^ts, which the sordid natiure of fing-
UBlui0a oould not be persuaded to imbmit to, though ^ej
ihoMid be allowed to reserve the lion's diare of the spoils.
But ihe geniiu of iheEn^iah government appears so haj^ily
vdf^ted to the rouMue of a petty ahowmMi, it would be «
pity iK^t to go Uirou^ it. They are conseiouls of excelling
m small 6KhH>itionSj and consequently delight in them.
J^vom the Fke Tower, to the Great Show of all nations,
tbeir pre-eminence in ^s line is truly remarkable. They
have the despicable vanity to feel prdud of thid acomnplish-
laent^ and are eager for its display. They seem to think,
ikaA sniioess in this ver^ honorable ambition culls fresh
iMonla for the wvea^es that Shakspeare Ims woven, aM

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60 KvouB nms.

Milton twiaed ; thej seem deluded into the bdief that tke
inimitable skill thej displaj in tw^ienny ezhibitiens, ad&
to the glory of the nation for which Nelsw stam^led uid
Wellingt(m fought.

But the apex of national turpitude is the oh«urge of ax-
penee for the privilege of visiting Chelsea Hospital^ for <M
soldiers. According to the established rales, at Ohelseb,
the payer of sixpence is shown through the refectories, the
dormitories, and smoking*rooms of the veterans — ^this is all
well enough. Bat when it is remembered, that the payneni
of this paltry coin confers the right of invading the sidt
wards; of disturbing the sa£fering invalids, by impertinent'
questions, and rude examinations of themselves and their
hedA^ the hardest heart is meved.

Even charity, which should purely shine in the sonl, like
dew in flowers, becomes in the hands of Englishmen a black-
grained spot on their honor. Grudging the pittance of a
shilling a month to the wealher-beaten remnants of these
once sturdy defenders of their country — ^the govemmettk
basely make their wounds and their hardships a catdipesn^
show for the multitude. Any nation of atheists m%bl) make
the churches, baUt in ihe hated days of belief, a so«<ee of
profit; — sordid barbarians mig^t degrade the woihdefM
monuments of their more civilised ancestors, by chargiig
visitors to see them, — ^bat to drag from their lowly retredi
these maimed and shattered victims of national ambition, to
be stared and wondered at, like eaged beasts, is an ou^agie
against humanity, that even savages would shrink from.
This is a deed kindly reserved, as the crowning glory of the
enlightened Britons of the nineteenth century. .t

Nell Gwin, who suggested, and her Boyal Profligate whe
founded, this asylum for old soldiers^ would have hwut
shocked by such a proposition, embarrassed as they oftea

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Btxpsrar MttAOUHi nr xbolahd. 01

I in their dn»iB0taiioeB. For ^ pretty witty Nellys* and
jfte Mezty Moaarch were not wlioUy lost to all the kindlier
&eling» of the humaa heart, reeUew as the careers of both
had been. Nell was truly duuritable, and Charles was so,
i^ter a fashion of hia own, great as their faults Tiado«btedly
wore ; and either one of them wonld have seemed so revolt*
isig a flMans to raise money, howerer sadly in want of it
hey might have been. It remained for the boastful ooontry^
men of Ohanoer and Spenser, Rhakapeare and Milton, to
commit, under the name of charity^ — an outrage, whidi they
alone were capable of eoneeiring. They may at least exult
in the oonsoionsness tibat theirs is no ordinary baseness.
If it be their ambition to excel in this quality, they cer-
tainly have lioason to feel satisfied with their success.

The valor with which these disabled veterans had, in
their youth, defended the government, ou|^t surely to have
SBonred to them a quiet refuge for their age. But past ser^
vices are never remembered by the heartless, 'tis only the
hope of future profit that quickens their charity, Oomiog
mAo the world as proper food for powder, these poor old fel*
lows diould have felt only too much delighted to eompoufid
with fate, by becoming inmates of the Chdbea Hoi^tal,
iastead gI ^ome^ ditch on the Ooi^inent. Besides, govern-
ment had ^eu over fifteen millions of dollars to the Duke
ff Wellington, — and they should have felt more than satisfied
in hearbg of the rewards of their commander. What more
coald they expect from their country 9 The obscurity of
their origin had placed them beyond tiie pale of British
charity-— orini^g to ^e great — obsequiotts to the high — the
dwarfed souk of EngUshmwoi have no wide-extending sympa^
thy for the humble — no soothing pity for the lowly. Iti
their eyes poverty is crime, — and wretchedness deserves its
sufferings for having been guilty of the sin of being poor.

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' Oar be-8ix|»e!i0«<i tfatvtter i^m in ^^Hg«nt :firom' ^^
Zoological Gardens to GhatBWoHiL • 9bi^boiir sadd^itiiy M«
all his magnifioent notions of hizilrioiiB profusion, maA
generous hospitalitj put to flight, "^Itf^^'liie is met at 41m
gate by the same signiioant esctenMon^^^ #£ ^^e kandj^^^elk
ezperlenee has tafoglit him meaatis no polite wdidcoie, Iml a
new demand on his pnrse. It requires ht^ ft -i^n* v9eAs^
residence in the conntry to convince him, that an EnglMiliMn
rarely ever extends his hand to a stranger, unless it is to pttt
H into his pocket. Bat this all classes malce H a rtile to do^
as often, and as deeply, as the loosest interpretation of thd
laws will permit without their incurring the danger of bei^
indicted as pickpockets.

I never was able fully to realise what splendid' triumphs
wealth was capable of, when directed hy taste, till I visited
Ohatftworth. It must seem wonderful, even to thoBe accutf-
tomed to the profusion of monarchical governments, that ^
subject should dwell in a palace so gorgeous. Ghatsw<Hrt&
is worthy of the enterprise which has constructied a brandi
railroad leading to Bowsley, fbr the accommodation of ^
orowds of visitors, eager to see the magnificenee of the mate-
sion, and wander amidst the surpassing beauties of 4^
grounds. The showy magnificence of Chatsworth and Blen^
heim, and the gloomy grandeur of Warwick and Alnwick
castles, serve to remind us, like the glittering shell of thie
tortoise, what worthless and insigniflcant animate often'
inhabit the most splendid mansions.

In all my wanderings 1* have never seen any thing whidi
approached this beautiful seat of the Duke of Devon«^irc.
The rigid avenues, and spruce flower-beds of Versailles — ^e
floral charms of the Italian villas, and even the VKried
attraetioos of Windsor ftnd Hampton Court themselves,
must yield in beauty to the countless fascinations of Obats-

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VOTtl. To t^ow (^ea «a siiperb «a& estste &r tike ifree
enjoyment of the p^biie, seems most sanitiiceiit. But tl»s
maiiifieettoe stales mto meanaesS) when it k remembered that
Bi».€farftoe reoeiires a fee of admisnen from Ms risitors. Stuk
a prdeeedmg OB the patt of a nobleman, wlio»e kneme exr
aeeds #&,000 a day^ must satisfaotorily demonstrate to erery
mindj that thon^ an Engfishman may have the pride to
ad^mpt a magpdiie^it scheme, he laebs ik» generosity |o
itery it oat. Oateoitation si^ested to ^ Dnke a eonrse
As princely as his income, but that cohesiTe sympathy exis^
11^ between a Briton's fingers and ha^pence, chafed parsi-
wekoaiy into reminding him, that he might appear profuse
aitd yet save m<mey by ^e operation. In Ms eagerness to
adopt &e snggestion, he forgot the fiist principle in moral
|^oso{diy, that the^ iirtention with whidi a deed is done,
■ttd not the deed Itaelf, defiermines its degree of virtne. In
bis CKmftiK at: Ohatsworth, he debases the spirit^ whilst he
rett^kts the form of a noble aetion. This regal dii^lay of
hoi^taHty is made a doak fcnr the lowctmnipg of a showmen.
I^r he is well aware, that this fiaaiilng announcem^oit of
Ohatswwth's being thrown open to the pnbHc, like the
ebiMPil^ of Jsbny Lind, is weU ealer^ed to increase the
general curiosity. He confirms his nationality, by being
n^an whilst professlDg to be sumptaoiis. He pretends to
open ha gorgeous palace for the amusement of tbe puUic,
tat takes good eare to station a doorkeeper to collect the
Imhi of admission to its diffiarent d^wrtments. And yet he
would no doubt be very reluctant &ankly to confess to tiie
world, that although he had the yantty to affact liberality.
ke was too penurk>us to bear the expense of it. Like the
. ostru^, he sticks his head in the sand, and imagines hims^f
in the profoundest concealment. He seems deluded by the
. hope that the basest counterfeit, emanating from a personage
oftheJk^of Bif0nshl«e^8 tank, mast pass carrent^-^^md

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tiiftt ihis affseted display of pdblto ho^taUty inusi iiMrn*
tably ettablbfa his repatation for generosity. Haj^y in the
fiuytied SQOoess of a deception, which he has only beeA alile
to practise upon himself, this silly noble stmts aboat witb
the airs and pretension of the petted favorite of the kmg*
dom. He clearly manifests the opinion he entertains' of Iftte
intdligenoe of the English people, in supposing them capable
of being imposed on by so shallow an artifice. The meUni^
oholy folly of snoh vanity can only be injnrions to himseMl
Pec^le pity him too much to despise him.

I mean not to intimate that any portion of the large
amonnts collected at the doors of Ohatsworth actually gees
into the pockets of His Grace. Bat they are, nevertiieleflB,
remarkably convenient in defraying the expense of a large
honsehold of servants. The Duke owns besides Chatswcrth,
Hardwick Hall, Bolton Abbey, Lismore Castle, Bevonslrae
House, and Chiswick, the large establishments ^ all of
which magnificent seats must be maintained in a stylo be-
coming his rank and enormcms fortune. The opportonxty,
afforded by the unsurpassed attractions of Ohatsworth to
get rid of the expense of one of them, was much too temp%«
ing to be resisted by a native of His Grace's eountry«--he
therefore sullies a noble nam^ to add a tew paltry pounds
to a fortune which is eventually to be enjoyed by strangers.
No foreigner would hesitate at half-a-erown, and not many
Englishmen would grumble at sixpence, as a gratuity to the
d^erent fi^rvants showing them through the house and
grounds — so trifling a remuneration only becomes ofiensiva
when it is demanded as a right. No one could consider the
amount oppressive : on the contrary, all must acknowledge
tiie show to be a remarkably cheap one \ but 'tis the sordM
principle that so offends every enlightened feeling. The
idea of a private gentlmnan, of wealth and rank, deriving a
pvofit fir^a the exhihitioii of his grounds^miffit be e^uaUy r6*

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SIXPENNX MISACLSB » XNQLAKD. ^

voltiiig to^ all classes. In sadi a coarse there is so glaring
a violation of propriety, that the meanest cannot fail to dis-
cover it.

The highly acquisitive disposition of the Bake appears
to he a hirthright ; the Countess of Shrewsbury, the founder
of the family, having turned her great beauty to some ac-
count, in marrying four rich husbands, and prevailing on all
, of them to settle their fine estates on her, and her heirs for
ever. In this judicious arrangement, the large fortunes of
Robert Barlow of Barlow, Sir William Cavendish, Sir Wil-
liam St Loe, and the Earl of Shrewsbury, were all, by the
fasciDationfi of Miss Elizabeth Hardwick, amalgamated into
one overgrown estate, for the future Dukes of Devonshire.
She had an heir by Sir William Cavendiah, from whom the
family are descended. William the fourth Earl of Devon-
shire was created a Duke by William III., as a reward ist
his treachery to the reigning sovereign; and the present
Duke seems to consider it impossible farther to degrade, a
title acquired in such a way.

But the unworthiness of its owner cannot mar the un-
rivalled elegance of Chatsworth. Ogres have often before
been known to dwell in enchanted castles of fairy propor-
tions. The exterior of the mansion is rendered impressive
by a graceful fa(^ade of Ionic columns ; its interior is crowded
with every thing that luxury could suggest, or wealth supply.
Its ceilings are adorned with the brilliant frescoeii of Yerrio,
and Sir James Thornhill ; its rooma of state are hung with
the finest specimens of Goblin tapestry. The walls of its
picture galleries are filled with works by the old masters ;
and among them is Landscer's famous Bolton Abbey, ex-
hibiting more breathing animation, and fuller of genius than
«ny modem picture I have ever 'seen. Here, too, are to be
met with many exquisite specimens of female loveliness, in
4h<» peculiar floating and voluptuous style of Sir Thomas

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56 XN«U8H XTaHB.

Lawrence. ' lu the elagpimt eoUeeiion of statoary vnt^ be
numbered pieces by Canora, Thorwaldsen, Westmacott, and
Tanerani, the best of living Italian artists. Opening from
this exquisite gallery is the orangery, made poetically at-
tractive by the rare exotics, statues, and birds, that divide
the attention. Many of the superb apartments are rendered
doubly interesting by the extraordinany carvings in wood,
by Gibbons. It is wonderful to study the exquisite grace,
and lightness^ whieh he has imparted to his fruit and flowers.
The turn of a leaf or the delicacy of a flower are as divinely
given, as if things cut in wood were not proverbial com-
parisons for all that is stiff and ungainly. It would be im*
possible to conceive of the inimitable naturalness which he
has succeeded in throwing into the relaxed limbs and droop-
ing wings of dead hares and partridges — even the distended
gills of fish are represented, with a delicate success, that
painting itself would fail to equal.

But the grounds present the highest claims to beauty.
In no country in the world do the trees seem more coolly
shady, or does the grass look greener than in England. The
humid climate appears peculiarly adapted to the develop-
ment of all their beauties in these greatest ornaments of na^
ture. A man cannot know the delicious charms of the Eng^
lish greensward-;-so fresh, so dark, so closely cut and carefully
swept that it may, even in prose, be said to look like a gr6en
velvet carpet — till he has rolled on it, under the thick shade
of the drooping elms. A poet would fail to do it justice in
his happiest description. The grassplots of Ohatsworth are
tastefully broken by lakes, fonntains^ and flower-gardens, and
from these you could wander away down the sdiady avenues
of fine old trees, whose rustling leaves would whispef to you
nothing but the poetic legends of the past. The luxurious
softness of this portion of the landscape is stroi^gly con-
trasted with ike wild, almost savage nature <of the scenery

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hff(md. From n loffcj eifag in tlie diitance, made pietit-
resque by (Srowning firs and rockj pinnacles, a waterfall foams
and tilmbles with the roar and precipitation of some mountain
torrent in Switierland. Still farther off is a small cascade,
whose shadowy stream, nndnlating as it pours down the bare
side of the cliff, looks like some delicate veil of silver tissue,
gejitly stirred by the lazy summer winds. The soft realms
of beauty, in which greensward and flowers contend for the
mastery, cease at the banks of the river, which, on the other
side from the waterfall, winds in graeefbl curves far as the
eye can reach through the sunny meadow-land. The farther
banks of the silent stream slowly rise into gentle elevations,
shaded here and there with clumps of scrubby oaks, beneath
whose shadow crouch whole herds of dozing deer. When
wearied with this warmly glowing picture, the visitor turns
his footsteps towards* the famous conservatory, of which
everybody has heard so much, and passing beneath some .
thick trees he suddenly finds himself in the loneliest of wild
scenes. Huge masses of rocks, now gray and moss-grown,
and often half oonoealed with flowering mountain shrubs,
have been so artMly piled^ that one is reluctant to doubt
that native has placed them there^ The effect of suddenly
issnii^ from a spot, smiling with the rarest cultivation, into a
scene so rugged, was delightful in the extreme. He pauses to
watch the merry gambols of a noisy little brook, that com^s
bounding and pitching towards him as it chafes into foam
against the rocks that obstruct its course. As it nears the
#pot where he stands, it rolls more calmly over its shiny
pebble bed, muttering its complaints against the toughness
of its recent encounter with the rocks, in a low babble full
of melody. It steals on through banks of freshest verdure,
gemmed with wild violets, whose petfume Alls the air \ its
mozmass oeaae, its course is almost stilled^ and it lingers as
if enamored of so sweet a lurking-place. Then it goes
3*

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48 lUfOUSK vmMB,

Qreepii^ iuhI peering amoog the tall watev -Uliesy whoie m4-
ding blooms of white seem laughingly to reproTe the tn&-
ant stream. Agiun dashing avaj among the projecting
rooks, whose mossy points are more than half oonoeaied bj
the purple clusters of the rhododendrons; and the delieita
flowers of the mountain laurel, our brook goes rejoieing on
its way, skipping, wheeling, and dodging^ as if in a gam^ of
hide and seek with the delighted traveller. Once more it
calmly glides into the broad open space, silent, as if in tke
ineffable joy of being so near the end of its varied jHlgrim-
4ge.^ Slowly it moves alon^ and Anally sinks upon the
bosom of the expectant lake, without disturbing the glassy
stillness of its surface, which is only broken by some playful
carp, that occasionally bounds into the soft summer air.

The great conservatory is perhaps the greatest wander of
the whole establishment, although the one we are most lamU-
iar with. On his way thither the visitor passes innumerable
fountains of various designs ; among them is the highest jet
of water in Burope, and a fantastic weeping willow of
bronze, which scatters around the most refreshing showers,
from every leaf and twig. He must also pause to admtpe
the grand cascade, which, issuing from a temple-like struc-
ture on the hill, roUs down a long suoeessLon of marblB
steps, dashing its spray upon the antique vases and statuos
with which they are adorned. The conservatory, wlftch p»-
vious to the erection of the Crystal Palace was the kogeflrt
structure of its kind in the world, has a carriage road
through its midst, and measures 276 feet one way, and 12S
the other. It looks like two vast domes of rounding oblong,
ra^er than circular form, piled one upon the other*-^as 67
feet id height in its central arched roof and a span of 70
£Bet, and contuns more than 70,000 square feet of glass.
In its vast collection are assembled aH the rarer and more
beautiful plants from tiie suimy dimes of the East and

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SIXPENNY MIBAOUOS l» ENGLAND. 69

Sootb. The bristling ooeouiBt, the elusteriiig hsiiaDa, and
the unsightly date, are the stateliest specimens of these enri-
ous representatives of the tropics. Does it not seem strange
that a man, residing amidst a scene of surpassing grandeur
and beauty, should fail to imbibe some eleTation of spirit
from surrounding nature? Does it not appear extraor*
dinary that a man, dwelling in a spot of such fairy loTeli-
ness, should retain, and indulge the most groreUing in-
stincts of human nature's lowest grade 7

Up to as late a date as 1834, the English game laws ex-
isted in a form to embody all the rigor and injustice of the
Forest Laws, presenting but this solitary difference, that the
former were maintained for the amusement of four hundred
tyrants, whilst the latter were enacted for the gratification
of a single despot By the extraordinary legislation of
these titled lawgivers of England, game was rendered more
sacred and inviolate than property. These sporting Lycur-
guses arbitrarily selected certain beasts of the field and
fowls of the air, and made it highly criminal in any " base-
born person " " to kill them, or eat them, or buy them, or
sell them, or carry them, or to have in his possession any en*
gine or instrument, by which they might be slain, maimed,
or injured." Nobody but a qualified person could amuse
himself by a shot at a partridge or hare. A rich merchant
or manufacturer might own land, and give employment to
thousands of laborers, l)ut his wealth being base, he enjoyed
no right to interfere with the aristocratic pleasures of his
noble betters. Woodcocks, pheasants, partridges, and hares,
were delicacies which he was forbidden even to taste. The
sages of the King's Bench finally ruled that ^' a qualified
person might take out a tradesman, stock-broker, clothier,
attorney, surgeon, or other inferior person, to beat the
bushes, and see a hare killed, without beii^g liable to to pen-

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alty." Bat #03 to the tailndcj wi^fc who took a pmate
riiot on his own accoant, but oonld not attach some noble
title to hia name. Nobilitj -was a qnaltfication absolutely
essential to a man's becoming a shooter. All nnqualifiecl
persons were not only denied the amusement of hilling
game, but they were not allowed the privilege of baying of
those who were. The "%a*fte'* flavor of partridges and
hares was not to be tainted, by passing through the unqtud-
ified hands of chapmen and higglers. Their aristocratic
qualities were not to be destroyed by being retailed, like
ale and dipped candles, by tradespeople. '^ Victuallers,
poulterers, pastry cooks, and other mean persons should not
carry game nor have it in possession." If an unqualified
person were suspected of having game, or any dog, gun, or
snare for killing or wounding it, his house might be searched,'
and if any net, or snare, pheasant, partridge, fish, fowl, or
other game were found, the offender might be forthwith car-
ried before a justice, and fined, or sent to the House of Cor-
rection, and there whipped, and kept to hard labor." " If a
man only happened to spoil or tread on an egg of a par-
tridge, pheasant, mallard, teal, bittern, or heron, he was
fined or imprisoned." " But if he went forth in the night
for the third time, with the full intent of catching an aristo-^
erat bird, coney, or other game, he was transported beyond
the seas for seven years." Notwithstanding these absurd
restrictions, and severe enactments against the disturbance
of privileged birds, by unqualified persons, it was discovered
by a committee of the House of Lords in 1828, that game
was as regular an article for sale in all the markets of Lon-
don, as any other commodity. One salesman alone sold 500
head of game in a week. It was impossible for their Lord-
ships longer to pretend ignorance of a fact they had long
been aware of. They therefore found it necessary to make
the astounding discovery, that the noble Lords themselves

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siQsi he tbe prtndpal odMteni !b Mb iUid* Imi fm&abk
iraffis in game.

GaBie had bean Tq>.toOiSB period like the national hon^
'^-H^me^mg'foT -whose pr^SorraUon etvefy idle upstart felt
hiavfietf pecBonaliy xenponubla All cbuBses of soeiety^nnited
in cagaidiBg wiik beeomiBg horror ike impardoiiable sn of
poaebing; and the antipatEy to poachers was as universal,
among the descendants of Motiier Eve by the SngHeii line,
» the hatred oi snakes is supposed to be natural to her pos-
tfiritj goierallj. Not eren the example of the illustrioiM
Bsrd (^ Avon could elevate the noetumal forages of the
poacher^ into being placed in the same category with the
dashing exploits of Captain McHeath, or bold Dick Turpin.
Faithfid serving-men, in expeetanoy of pensions, ingratiated
themselves with their masters, by midnight prowlings after
poachers. Ignorant coilntry magistrates displayed their
i^alous inefficiency in committing all suspected persons for
tidaL EoUieking Squire», the Sir Botgut Wildfires of the
eountry, won ealfty reputations as public-spirited individuals,
by tineir blneterlng protection of ^ game f and the county
asskes never considered their dt>cket complete, unless some
unfortunate vagabond had b^en transported for poaching.
The genius of the English nation was emphatically opposed
to tiio erhnej-^^^nd the solitary poacher was pursued with
that scrt of vindictive enthusiasm which centuries before
luid charaoteriEed the wolf-hunt Is it possible to suppose,
under such circumstances, that the large quantities of game,
daily sold in the markets Of London, could have been sup*
plied by the stray poachers, whom keen-eyed prosecution
had allowed to escape transportation ? It was an absurdity
that occurred to the obtuse understandings of their Lord^
ships themselves. They stood convicted of the violation of
the laws they had passed, expressly to break, in order to se^
cure the privilege of the exclusive sale of game.

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Tbase noble ontlaiwt, wtio pvofessed^ regard a tr«de$«-
man as a more honest, but mueh less reputable p^soiiagis
than a highwajmaa, and would ha^e shrank from an iikipti-
tation of trade, as firom an aeocfeation of picking a poeket-^
vere jel detected in this peddHng traffic under eircnm-
stances which ahonld haye caused most of them to make
TOyages to Botany Bay, if the laws had been as strictly en-
forced against rich offenders, as ordinary poachers. Qtaste
was found to constitute a surreptitious branch of hndkster^
jug, much too profitable to their Lordships to be shu^ed
with plebeian rlyals, so long as the mon&polj could be en-
joyed l^ stealth. But when their felonious practices were
exposed, each noble hypocrite rolled hid ey^ in horror at
the extent to which poaching had been carried, and began to
fear that the Game Laws, like Draco's bloody code, de-
feated themselves by their own severity. Notwithstanding
their well-assumed surprise, tiiat daring ou^aws enough ex-
i^rted in England habitually to yiolate laws so stringent,
they were overwheloied by the consciousness that every
Briton, though silent, was convinced that they themselves
were the violators of these lawe. All England was aware
that, in order to secure their dirty gains^ they endangered
the liberty of unsuspecting victuallers, and inoffensive poul-
terers — ^whose position did not place them above the laws--*^
by making them accomplices in their petty-larceny villanyi
The profits were enticing, but the odium was oppressive :
th^y therefore became willing to share the first to shufile ofF
a portion of the last Though endued with all the worst
propensities of the common poacher, without that apology
which want and misery afforded him for breaking the laws,
to prevent starvation, they showed themselves destitute of
that intrepidity of action, which inspires an involuntary sort
of reject, even for an outlaw. Base enou§^ to profit by
unlawful practices, they became yet more despieable, when
they timidly thrust innocent people between themselves and

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BIXPSNMl^ Mtt^OUS m- ENGLAND. 19

rei{K»i8i1»iIit J. IIM aa lB«rea0cd emieaipt hat » pvfoieoii,
niean enough to commit a difthoneftdaed, without ilie har&
bQod to brave the eoneequences <tf hia owa roguerj: Thej
wevQ arrant ^naves^ without one mitigatii^ oireomstanee t0
plead in their favor. Their Ibrtunea, in placing them so &r
above wan^ ahould have removed them fir(»n tiioae templar
tionft to evil, which, when h^htened by bmiger, the poor
nsmst find it m difficult to resist. Nobody but an Engli^
man conld fail justly to discriminate between the g^ilt of
two .persons, one of whom, though rich, commits tiieft in Usi
mere wantonness of depravity, and the other, who steals a
loaf of bread to relieve a starving family. Equity leaaa
Awards reopmmending the impoveriahed wretch to merey^
but English ethics lavors the rich criminal, whose wealtih
should only be a stronger reason for his condemnation.
Such is the mystic inviolability of money in England^
Even the heinous crime of poaching, which, in a pleb^an, is
punished with such inexorable severity, becomes, in a Lord,
'^justifiable" petty larceny. One poacher is transported to
a colony of felons, but the ot^er remains comfortably at
home, to protect the game^ and deplore the proneness of th«
lower orders to depravity.

Detected in the violation of those laws which they them*
selves had passed, and for whose strict execution they pre-
tended to be eager, the nobility could no longer pretend to
maintain the ancient game code. A law was accordingly
passed in 1834, allowing all owners of land to kill game
themselves, and permitting them to extend the permission to
other persons. When it is remembered how money is wor*
shipped in England, and how highly prized is the privilege
to shootywe amy be very certain, though the landowners
might be sordid enough to rent out theur i^rting righta,
which very many of them do, that the shooting of game waa
exclusively confined to the wealthier classes of the country^
Tiju&iTQ hk a vast demiM»d for this still halMuterdieted luxury

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ot gaae to be si^MF^ied in aU tira markets of the United
Kingdom. Homan nattKe has apparently inherited from
enr first parents a deeided weakness for forbidden fmits ;
and this strong inclinatioa is heightened in the nnmerons
ckss of rieh pretenders, hj one equally powerftil«-4 desire
to ape the aristoerac j in their fish dinners and game sappers.
When the natoraily Toracions appetites of the 27,000,000
of Englishmen are increased by two such pewerfcil incen-
tiTes, we can but wonder how they can evet be grated by
game, thou^ the 30,000 landowners shonld all take to
sporting. If each one of these fortunate 30,000 should
shoot, as the most zealous sportsman would, and dispose of
his surplus game, it would be uftfoly impossible to ke^ up
the requisite supply. It is evident that they must assail the
doomed pheasants and partridges with some more powerful
motive than that which actuates the keenest sportsmen. No
one can doubt that, during the Fall months, these privileged
landowners and their friends engage in the profitable busi-
ness of wholesale poulterers, which they pursue with an in-
tensity of ardot only known to Englishmen, when in full cry
upon the scent of a sixpence. The nobility, the gentry, and
their guests are the hired butchers, who annually contract
to slaughter the required quantity of game.

Diana and 'Apollo came into the world together, ^e
patrons of hunting and the arts are twins ; and even in these
modem days of degeneracy, the worshippers at the shrine of
one are certain to imbibe some of the doctrines of the other.
No man can be an enthusiastic sportsman without possessing
some of that refinement usually produced by a cultivation
of the fine arts. ^ real hunter, however wild in his habits,
or savage in his attire, is certain to have iu him some of the
elements peculiar to a gentleman. Apollo has kindly im-
parted some of his native graces to the humblest of his twin
sister's votaries.

There is somelbing in the adventurous life of a hunter,

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BixPBHNT untrtmn nr BKOLAKn. 05

pecBliarlj adapted., ta thm dBvelopme&t of Hbeml feelings.
In the wild woods: be has no niapn^oB, and; kmrnn no db-
tnist of his fsllow-men. £ternall|r oommiuiing with natiire,
his soul musty in spte of all his disadvantagea, be ii^nenced
by the grandeur of the objects aronnd him. The Tai^ess
of the forest solitudes leaves room for the growth of all the
nobler impulses of man's nature. He may be destitute of
the adyantages of a eultiyated mind, he may haye been de«
fdlved of all eduoatton from books ; bat he will always dis-
play that seorii of a mean action, that unthinking geaerosity
and natiye courtesy, which obnstitute the bans of true gen-,
tiltty. What then must we think of these professed flowers
of Diana, who degrade their goddess and themselyes by seU-
ing liie sacrifices ayowedly made for her altar? How few
of the goierous impulses of the real sportsman can actuate
the man, who meanly retails the game he kills. If his tastes
enabled him truly to enjoy shooting, they would protect the
sport frcmi such desecration. Eyen the least sordid of these
Englishmen experience none of the intense excitement and
joyful exhilaration of the sportsman, — *liey hunt, as they
patronize the arts, because they e(msider it gentlemanly to
do so. Shooting is deemed a peculiar propensity of the gen*
ilemen, as the masses are wholly excluded from its indul-
gence, and a cockney affects the pea-jacket and hob-nailed
shoes of the sportsmau, ap he frequents the opera with white
kids and a hrgneite, merely beeouse he is ambitious of i^-
pearing faskimaSle, ' Eyety gentlenian goes down to the
eountry to shoot, and so, of ^ course, must he. But thoi^
he throws off his prim city suit, for the free-and-easy cos-
tume of the country, he qannot so readily dispose of his sor-
did inclinations. True to his nature, he makes a profit of
his very pastimes. In obedience to the instinets of an Eng^
Ushman, he degrades the nol^t of manly ezeroides into the
dirty means of petty gain. He seUs the gam^ which h%
professes to shoot for excitement.

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66 siroLiiB Toam,

Honor is something whioh the whole world has united in
holding saored eyen wh^n religion has tottered. It is what
man most eoTets, and woman most admires. Honor is the*
attribute in whieh mortals most resemble goda. For hmm
heroes have fought and minstrels have sung. It is sotnething
to which even savages aspire with instinctive adoration. For
honor men live, for honor they will die. It is morefrwMm
than poetry itself, for poets are eager to embalm it in their
verse. Men cling to honor even when hopes of salvation are
lost I can conceive of a man of refined mind' becoming so
wicked as to sell his own soul, but I cannot imagine a noble
being so debased as to part with its honor. The danger
which makes the possesion of honor doubtful, makes it
precious. The heroes glory has ever been regarded the
hi^est. A soldier's honor like a woman's chastity was wont
to be considered above all price. England enjoys the dis-
tinction of making it a marketable commodity. It was re-
served for her to fix the rate at which it might be bought
and sold. She retails the honor of soldiers according to an
established tariff, which appropriately adorns all her pubUo
places. She speculates in glory as a petty hucksterer does
in rancid cheese. ^ But the many who hate, and the few who
despise l^gland. cannot exult over her baseness in selling
eommissi<ms in her own army. There is a degree of degrs*
dation, which changes scorn into pity ; and makes us sin-
oerly sympathize with those whom we most heartily despise.

I extract a leaf, for the amusement of my readers, from
the Army List, whieh is published every month by authority
of the War Office. Among a vast deal of information with
regard to the change of quarters, promotions and resigna-
tions, deaths and marriages of the officers, it contains the
following table for the edification of the curious with regard
to the merit promotions which have occurred. It is extremely
useful to rich young gentlemen in England, who are am-
bitious of becoming heroes ; and will I hppe . prove not un*

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sizpsvinr Mm^ouBi »r xxolakd.

er

interesting to my readers in America. The table is eonve-
Bientlj arranged in pounds, shillings and pence ; it is well
enough I presume to be particular even to minuteness in so
important a traa£»ctioD as the sale of a reputation.

PRICES OF COMMISSIONS.

BANK.,

IKftmirelii
▼«lue between
FoUwdHaU

Ij^ Guards,

Ijeiit^xuuit-Colonel

Major

Captftin

• lieutenaat ,

Comet

Royal Btgiment of HoT6€ Ghtardi,

' Lieuteuant-Ooronel. . . . "

Mf^or, ,

Captai n '. ,,.

lieutenant

Ooroet

profoon Guards and Dra^ootu.
Lieatenant-Colonel

• Mi^oi.«

Captain

LieuteDant. /

Coraet. . ,

^0t^€huairk.
Lieutenant-Colonel »

• Major^ with Bank of Colonel. . . .

Captain, -^ Lieut.-Col.

Lientenant, Captain.. . .

. Eaaigo, ' — - lieate&aiit

Begimeni^ofthe Lim,

Lientenaut-Colonel

Major

■ Captain

Lientenant

Snsig&.

PkutHer and Rifle Regiments.

', lat lieotenantk ,

2d Lieutenant

I. 8,

7260

5850

8500

1785

1260

7250

5850

8500

1600

1200

6175

4576

8225

1190

840

9000
8800
4800
2050
1200

4500

8200

1800

700

460

700
500

I, 8.

1900

1850

1715

625

1900

1850

1900

400

1600

1850

2035

850

700

8600

2750

850

1800

1400

1100

250

900

I, 8. d.

1583

1852

1084 8

682 18

800

1814
949
611
865
160

e

865

200

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CHAPTEE m.

THE CUSTOM-HOUSE.

THIS chapter shall be a rery brief one; for though I
rather eourted the bores of the ctratom-house as a good
subject fcHT railing at the English, yet thej so far surpassed
all mj i»reconceiyed notions of their exaggeration, that I
cannot now remember them with sufficient p&tknce to write.
But I feel that no description, however glowing; cotdd por-
tray them in their real hideousness. To those who have
experienced the annoyance, my description would seem tame
and unsatisfactory, and those happy mortals who have never
been subjected to the insolence of English custom-house
officers, had better remain in blissful ignorance of what may
be in store f<^ th^n. I once attempted to show thai
En^ishmen were instinctively insolent, but I had a very
vague idea of what I was describing. I was only familiar
wi& insolence as we read of it, and as we see it under ordi-
nary cireumstances in its embryo state. I had never met with
it in its perfected development — ^for I had, at that time, nev&t
passed 1h,rough the English custom-house. One can form
aome idea of the tyranny concealed amidst the vast ramifi-
cations of the English govemm^it, when its vulgar fractions
in the shape of custom-house officials are so tyraimieally
kisolenl

But as I said before, I shall not dwell upon the weary
hours we were compelled to wait, jammed and crowded
together in a small pen ; our feet trampling on other
people's toes, and our elbows in every body else's ribs. I
shall not allude to the annoyance of having the little private

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^fm ef t^6 pacNsebgen sabjected ta tte mo8t.jMmtanmii§
hic^eistipn. I is^ftll not tttteinpt to- d^QOribe the protoki^
deliberatioti of ^ese inlpertiQeBt tmdwUngs in eoun^Bg
Begars; Bor the pi^i&g curiomty with which they peeped
into pots of pres#e^ed gitiger, and slyly tasted cans of
piekled oysters, t shall pass over their mannw of tnrmng
over hvA smspimoasly s&uffing a Bologna sausage^ as if
apprehensive of its being some infernal maekine on a oom*
plicated plan, ezjareseAy imported for Hie destraetion of the
Queen. I shall not dilate upon the minBt^ess with whkli

" they scmtinLsed soiled linen, and thmr persetering manner
of ronunaging throng old boots. I shall not even ind«l^
in the solace of a carieatare of our diief tormentor, a round*
bellied gentleman in blaokj with more flesh and pompoeity
than even Sngli^hmen are ordinarily eaenmbered with. He
was very evidently above his business, and waa too &t, eir
too blind, or too ostentotioiis, or perhaps all three; to fead
l^e list of passengers with that fluency desirable to impa*
^ent people. Bnt he insisted that every thing should be oon*
ducted with formal solemnity, that was positively oi^ageous.
Even after the tedious process of a minute eKaminatioa had
l^een passed by one happy man, lie delayed the rest by ehaii*
sily fumbling for the ribbon from wkieh dangled fab> glass:
then he was a hmg tBUe adjusting his gjass to ene eye^ and
% still loiter time. Glutting the other, before he eould begiA
te i^U over the entire list till he eame to the name below
the last Then it would have puzzled tiie Petphie Osaide

* to divine Yfhom he meai^ whea he did oall out a. naxne^ his^
eight was so bad or his pronusdation iao horrible. AH tUs
I i^all glide over in eomparatiive silence, but there is one
little incident I must beg leave to mention.

I had provided myself with a good many books, to amuste
^6 during the voyage^ but being aware ^t Amerioan ns*
prints of English works were confiscated, I had purpoaal|f

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TO

•fotd^d ibem. I mppDied of eovne Hm^ Bafliflb boi&ka,
with London and my own lUHae siaring them in ^e &ce
from tke title-page, would pass luimoleated. The booka,
beaides haTing mj name written in them, had been too eyi*
dentlj read for them to snapeet me of im unlawful attempt
to peddle bodes without a licenBe. But thej emptied my
trunk and carpet bag, and proceeded to weigh the whole lot
as a means of ascertaining their value and ctetermining the
amount of duty due <m them. An admirable criterion of
tiie Englii^* estimate of literature at the present day. I
had eight pounds of books, and paid four shillings, which
justifies me in concluding that the retail price of knowledge
m En^and is fflxpence a pound; somewhat cheaper than
damaged herrbgs. To tax books at all which were etident-
ly intended ^ personal amusement or instruction was bar-
barous, in the most extended sense of the term; but Que
manner of ascertaining their vetlue struck me as being peo«-
liariy English. They w«re piled into a large pair of scal^
and weighed as we. do liye hogs in the West What deg^
da^n to some of the mightiest names that England has
produced. ^ But pet copies of Shakspeare and Byron only
differed in thar eyes from a k^ of lard in not being so heavy,
and consequently less Valuable.

I have an abiding conviction, iJiat the statesnum who i£h
trodiiced the law.upon the introduction of books, was an ad-
miring reader of Knickerbocker ; Walter the ' Doubter
must have been his highest judicial authority. His statute
bears a startling resemblance to the only decision of th«t
famous Dutch Lawgiver, when he commanded the ledgers
of two Mtigaling grocers to be weighed and gave judgment
in favor of him whose ledger was heaviest. Their estim^e
of justice and knowledge were equally extended, and equally
worthy of this moc^ enJU^tened nation of the nineteentii
4)entury.

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wmAs* scaaiBSY. fX

CHAPTER IV.

THIS Ei^la&d— *tke cotmtrj I mean-^the fields, the tre^,
and the hedges, is truly Very, yerj beautiftiL Pleamg
at all seaaons from its tidy evidenoes of sopmor eoltiTation,
]t:beo(»iEieseiieltaiitiBg whea seen, as I lately saw iij-wMbA
evei^ kaf and e^ear of grass shone ^h the gtistening
fkeahness of early spring: I positiTely helieve I should leel
enthusiastically in love with the coantry, if I oould for ona
little half hour forget the nation. But being unfortunately
situated like Yankee Doodle, when he complained thi^ ^ hs
Qoold not see the town for the houses," I can never mdrnm
Ae eou&try, without being r^aninded of the peofde.

The pastoral scenery of England fs peculiar, possessiog
all the polish of anb in its highest perfection, inthout its prim*
mesa. Soft and shining as a long summer's day, the £aE-
blown charms of the island droop imder their &ixy loads of
poetry and loTeUness. Well may it be named the Eden
at the ^SBverse, but its inhabitants with e<pial jus^ee may
be denominated the ^^ fallen " of orea^on. The beauUes of
England being those of a dream, shouhl be as fleetmg. To
a man whose blood needs no champagne to hurry its ooora^
i^^ with a faney as swift as the steam tiiat hurls him along,
they ney^ appear so charmijag as wh«i dashing' on after a
LqieomotiTe at ftnty miles an hour. Nothing by the way. re^
quires studyyor demands to«ditaili<m,attd ^ougbobje^s imaK^

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9f

•

diattly at hand teem tearing wildly by, yet the distant fields
and scattered trees, are not so bent on eluding observation,
but dwell long enough in the eye to leave their undying im-
pression. Every thing is so quiet, so fresh, so full of home, and
destitute of prominent objects to detain the eye, or distract
the attention from the charms of the enchanting whole, that I
love to dream through theae plaeid beauties, whilst sailing in
the air, quick, as if astride a tornado. All things then as-
sume the delicious indistinetness <^ some bright vision,
during an after-dinner d(»e in an arm-chair. Nothing then
appears so palpable as to break the haey drowsiness of the
8o«iie, by its too substantial reality.

Thiok<^iieaded tourists, who have no poetry m ^eir sMsi
may sneer at the idea of enjoying the rural so^ery ^ Eng-
buEid firom th^.'windew of a railroad car. Such mathematical
i&dividaak w««ld fain take the dimensions of each tmj land*
Mape, as a mason would measnre the proportions of a br idn
wall But give me ik» velocity, the ezhikratioii, aitd tkH
panting breeses of the ears^ kt me enjoy, the shadowy
<^«aau afid sofdy^re^i^ fafleinationa of an Snglii^ land-
scape, seen from their windows. There is wild delight in
tiie ccmioioBsness of such motion. There is inieBse excite-
meaii ia this dtadowless velocity. There is glorious isde-
pendenoe in the powev of boundii^ to a plaee^ swiftly al-
^ttoat m the conception of the wish to be. there. Whfkt
eottld be more iatozioaiing than this tumultuous throb of min-
gled emotion^, felt in this panorama of gteea fields m^ fiow-
ers^gUdiAg fieetiiy and softly as the fanoies of the ^phim ea^E ?

'^ Will you make an esoimioa with m^ from I^iverpooi
v^ to London f Se quick ; whilst you hesitate we may bath
be lefL The ex|«es8 train starts at the ndnule, without
dela;pDg for loitering passengers. You will go 9 Very
well ; here you are." We are oS\ already grindisig thriOOigi^
"tttte darknesi," where tbeve la no '^i^athjog^ rf UfiOk^.'

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BI7RAL SOXHXBY. 7d

but a fearfbl dash of wheels : we are in the tmmeL Sud-
denly we shoot into open air like a sunbeam piercing a fog,
and the boundless beauty of the landscape breaks at once
upon us. Liverpool is already a mile behind. Far as ihe
eye can reach, on every side, it is greeted with the same
lovely vie^. We rush through a succession of firesh green
fidds and greener hedges ; of villages embowered in fruit
trees, with the tapering spires of country churches modestly
overlooking them; of bustling market towns, and smoky
manufacturing cities, which do not interrupt the character of
the scenery, but serve pleasingly to dot the vast expanse of
shining verdure. The fresh-springing crops of grain trem-
bled to the lasy breeies, and sometimes seemed to wave for
very gracefulness, when there was no breath to stir them.
The scene appeared a wanton waste of loveliness. I could
not recondtle myself to the thought that these beauteous
meadows, so thickly strewn with flowers that one might
imagine them an emerald copy of the starry heavens, were
ofdy kept to graze beef cattle. It could not be, that these
hedges, trimmed with such exquisite taste, were only intended
as ordinary barriers against erratic horses, and trespassing
abeep. Every thing was too, too beautiful for this I But
just when the eyes reeled, and sense grew drunk, and I was
dreaming of the frolics of Puck, and the' fairy reign of
Tkania, plump we came upon a brick-yard, with its prim
rows fresh from the moulds, and its pyramidal kilns smok-
ing away, to remind me that this delicious land of verdure
and flowers, was not only inhabited by the English, but that
they were commonplace enough to shut themselves up in
brick walls from all this loveliness. And then, in spite of
myself, came gloomy pictures of English ogres in Elysian
gardens, flitting across my mind, like the passing shadows of
<d0uds over some sunny landscape. But these unwelcome
thoughts are dispelled by the sight of a lowly thatched oot^

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74 KjrOLIBH ITAlfS.

with a roBj-&oed babj kurrying on all fours to the front
door, as its chubby little brothers and sisters elimb the
wicket gate to greet ns with their tiny cheers, as we flit gayly
by. A blossoming cloyer field fills the whole atmosphere, as
we pass, with its d^ciously refreshing odor. And look at
those beans, wagging as knowingly their flowery heads, and
giving birth to as much poetry and perfume, as if they had
not been planted there for horse-feed. Every thing was en-
chanting except the sky, and that was cold and gray enoo^^
But what of that ? It is only the background to an exqui-
site picture, and nobody ever dreams of regarding it.

Now we rattle through a bustling market town, with its
little alehouses, and staring squads of idlers. An ambitious
village cvr darts furiously out, and vainly tries with us his
speed, snapping and yelping as if to frighten our spirited
e^am-courser. We swiftly pass fields, ready prepared for
late crops, so perfectly ploughed and harrowed that they
look like huge pieces of brown satin stretched upon the
green. See, winding through those lovely meadows, that
deep, narrow stream of clearest water, brimming its banks
of living verdure, and so placid it scarcely stirs the l(mg
moss floating on its edges. No trees fringe its banks;, it
steals before us with its nude beauties unveiled. In its
gentle course it makes a thousand picturesque bends, and
wanders about as if seeking to lose itself in these grassy
plains. It has no hurrying occupation ] no mills to tarn, no
roaring rivers to feed. It is but an elegant idler m this
delightful champaign country. And as it loiters lasily
along, it dreams of no more arduous task, than lending new
beauties to my Lord's beautiful estate. I am sorry that last
idea occurred to me— for my thoughts made a sudden transi-
tion to the worthlessness of all lackeys to the rich and great ;
the lazy footmen, doziog butlers, insolent grooms, and, I was
going to say, placid streams — ^but I stopped. For there.wfs

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BUBAL SPBMBBT. 75

a rnsiie bridge^ so rude, so crasy, and so pictnrMqae, it
must have been thrown across the stream merely to prevent
the possiHlity of the scene's sinking into too much softness.
Nobody would ever dream of crossing on it — it seemed only
put there to look at, and it may be to interrupt disagreeable
trains of thought. A flock of noisy rooks mount high into
air, wheeling and cawing around us as if to speed us on our
way. A large herd of fine short-homed cattle are browsing
in social little knots, and look up and gaze stupidly after us
as we roll smoothly by. The whistle sounds : we are ap-
proaching some station. Gradually we less^i our speed, and
finally stop. The " company's senrants," in coarse liyeries of.
black velveteen, with the initials of the particular railroad,
and their numbers, marked in white cloth on their collars,
rapidly move from car to car, unlocking them, and loudly
announcing the name of the station, and its various connee-
tions. There is much slamming of doors as people get out^
because they have arrived at their journey's end, or merely
to stretch their legs. The low hum of the passengers and
porters, hurriedly searching for baggage, is mingled with the
shrill cries of news-boys, running up and down the platform
along the train, with this morning's papers from London.
Then comes the warning bell ; and then the final order of
the conductor. Then there is again great slamming of doors,
which are all relocked — the whistle sounds, and off we
bound after two minutes' delay in our flying journey.

We rush through a labyrinth of cottages and gardens,
fall of comfort and cabbages, with their trim hedges appro-
priately adorned with blue smockfrocks and wet breeches
hung out to dry. A large flock of newly-sheared Southdown
sheep are quietly grazing in the neighboring field, but^ on
our approach, hurriedly scamper off with much shaking of
short tails and ringing of sheep-bells. Is it not beautiful ?
that deep brawling brook with its lofty banks, wild, broken,

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and pietnresque, flpanned by a single arch of stone, crum-
bling and moss-grown, throngh which it foams ; it rashes
madly into a wooded glen, where it is wholly lost to view,
and when again it gladdens the eye, it is warring bravely
with the green slimy wheel of a mill — a hoary patriarch,
that may have ground flour for Cromwell's troopers. The
country beautifully undulating, as if under the agitating
influence of its own surpassing charms, now rises into gentle
slopes, now runs into wavy irregularities, then sinks into
unbroken level. It seemed that some tastefvd hand had
been at work in its arrangement, to produce the happiest
display of its wooded hills and green walled vales. The
variety, in size and shape, of these hedge-bound fields is
endless. Shady trees, scattered through them all, break
into ever-varying effects the vast sheet of shining green.
Considerable tracts of woodland meet the eye at every turn ;
their changing foliage clustering under the magical effects
of light and shadow to lend some new fascination to the
scene. And when nature did start into abrupter eminences,
its i^avage features were always masked in the russet and
gold of flowering broom piled up in undisturbed luxuriance.
The hedges on each side the road looked, as we flew along,
Hke two green coursers, of goblin shape, racing ftu*iously
with each other ; and the daisies and batchelor-buttons in
the fields beyond seemed to our swimming eyes to grow into
many-tinted ribbons forcibly blown from the mouth of some
modem magician. But, in the distance, the scene was a
floating sea of loveliness. What a stately mansion is that f
looking out from its shady clump of fine old oaks. See that
merry little rivulet, skipping along its pebbly bed, with its
narrow banks thickly lined with 6ld willows, which have
been so hewed and hacked for their pliant shoots, that their
gnarled and knotted trunks resemble the venerable olives in
^the garden of Ckthsemane. The ditch of that sunk fenoe is

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arlK»red o'^ with Mosgosdng briers and wild ereepen.
Tlie hedge is no longer a close-bailt wall of yerdnre, but it
is broken into sweet irregularities by the masses of wild
plum and hawthorn in bloom — ^their snowy flowers beauti-
fully oontrasting with the dark, brilliant green of the hedge ;
and there is a noble old castle, with its Gothio battlements
and swelling towers, seemingly based upon a huge mound of
leaves, so thickly wooded are the sides of the hill on whi<^
it stands. What a pity that all this beauty is created by
the aristocracy, even as the pearl hidden in the shell of the
oyster is the result of disease.

In contrast with these princely mansions we roll glibly
by a modest cottage, with 'its gable^end hung with a dark
maatle of ivy, and its door half-curtained with clambering
roses and honey-snckle& On its window-sills are ranged
modest pots of heliotrope, and mignonette, Inreathing their
sweet odors upon the happy inmates of the lowly cot. In
the little yard of grassplots and flowers a stately cock con-
voys his numerous hens, which are busily scratching and
peeking for worms, regardless of his proffered gallantries
CbaAticleer glories in his charge, and loudly crows as he
flaps his burnished wings of gold. But courageous as he
ueevoBybe lowers his proud crest and utters his cackling note
of alarm as we whiz sw^tly by. In the stable-yard stands
an old white horse, freckled with age, munching his oats be-
side a rough Shetland pony. Snugly reposing under the
ihed was the red milch cow, ehewing the cud as she dosed
unmindful of our momentary presence. A large peacock,
with the gorgeous glories of his tail ^read to their utmost,
strutted stiffly along in solitary grandeur, the gaudy monarch
of birds. On the roof-shaped hay-rick,'a whole flock of
pigeons were dosing in a line, with their heads tucked com-
fortably under their wings, and th^ noisy -Guinea fowls
sbr^ed wildly below. What a snug picture of home com-

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forts to excite all the entliasiasm of romafitio jonng adTO-
cates of ^ love in a village !'^ It only required Capid peep-
ing out of the kitchen window in a white apron, with a nap-
kin tucked about his neck, and a piece of doagh in his hand,
to complete this ideal paradise of dnmplings and derotion.
More sweet fields and sweeter hedges. A solitary horse,
carelessly nipping the short juicy grass, looks up as we smoke
and puff towards him — gazes for an instant with bowed neck
and rtiised tail, and then sucking loudly, bounds off, his
head half-tumed in proud d^ance as he gallops slowly
away. On a bare eminence a lonely windmill twirls its
^gantie arms in creaking agony. How distinctly we can
trace the course of that stream through these delicious mea-
dows by the clustering trees that grow along its margin, and
hang so tenderly over it with their long drooping boughs, as
entirely to conceal the water from the light ; and then when
it does gleam forth for an instant from its leafy covert into
sunshine, it flashes like some rich vein of quicksilver issuing
trom its rugged native mine. A frightened hare, startled
from her grassy form by our steaming uproar, bounds forth,
and with her long ears resting upon her baek fleetly scours
the plain.

And soon there came on a mist. It was no fog, — ^no dria-
sle; but thin, shadowy and almost impalpable, it floated
between us and the beauteous landscape, lending a softened^
but intenser interest to the scene. And then it commenced
to rain. At first it was only a few big drops, that rattled
through the leaves, and pelted the tops of the cars. And
then it poured in right good earnest, beating down the agi-
tated foliage of the Waving boughs, and rudely pattering
upon the glassy surface of the placid stream. The cattle
sought shelter und^r the nearest trees, the horses drooped,
and the sheep huddled close together, with their noses stuck
dose to the ground to avoid the ragmg storm. The whole

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ficene beooming very dismal, and very English, I put up the
window and soon fell asleep, to dream of the wild forests on
the banks of the Mississippi. The whistle startled me, and
I looked out upon that huge tinkerj of iron pots — hammering
Birmingham — where all the world come to buy their soup-
ladles. The scattering forest of gaunt, spectral furnace-
chimneys, that, Babel-like, kissed the clouds, were all puf-
fing furiously away, as if each one was bent on doing its best
to smoke the gloomy piles of dingy houses as black as smoke
could make them. Here we had ten minutes for ennui and
refreshments. People stretched their legs, and some took
sandwiches, and others a glass of porter, and after the ten
minutes had appeared half an hour, compared with the ex-
citement of the former portion of the journey, the whistle
sounded, and o£f we rattled once more.

The sun came out from shelter, and with him the cows.
The horses once more took to grazing, and gradually the
sheep scattered over the fields, and the frolicksome lambs
frisked round them as if in playful derision of their damp,
dose-sheared skins. What a pity that these woolly inno-
cents should ever go up to Smithfield, to be made mutton of.
The sun shone, or r&ther did its best to shine brightly, but
it was not that fierce, glaring sunshine that appears eager to
drink up at once all the moisture that the pityitig heavens
had shed upon the earth beneath. There was nothing daz-
zling, nothing parching about it. It was the mellowed,
luxurious light of a shaded lamp — ^a fit illumination for en-
chanted bowers and submarine grots ; it was just the sort
of light, in fact, that a fairy or a mermaid would have
revelled in, or ik romantic traveller would have chosen to see
the softly beautiful scenery of England by. The tender
crops were still, as if hushed into speechless happiness by the
refreshing shower. And every thing looked up and smiled,
, except the poor beans, which drooped their heavily wreathed

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80 ENGLISH ITSIIS.

beads, weighed down by tbe glittering moisture. The blithe
lark soars high above us, singing as he dries his flattering
wiDgs in the stray sunbeams. And here and there a drip-
ping sparrow hops merrily forth from his protecting hedge,
chirping as gayly as if it had neyer been known to rain in
England. All things seemed softer, sweeter, and fresher
than before. We rush swiftly by a flourishing field of hops,
the creeping plants stuck with straight, branchless hoop-
poles, fiercely bristling in their formal rows, like the hundred
thousand bayonets of the Champ de Mars on review day.
We plunge into another tunnel. Amidst the weighty dark-
ness, and the sulphureous smell from the furnace, — ^the stun-
ning roar of the wheels, and the terrific yells of the locomo-
tive whistle, — one might imagine himself in the depths of a
certain brimstone pit, with a whole squadron of devil's imps
careering madly through it.

" 1*11 not march through Coventry with them, that's flat."
So said I to myself of my English fellow-passengers, who
had already discovered ways of rendering themselves disa-
greeable before arriving at that ancient city. But unfor-
tunately for me, I was not captain, as the fat Knight was,
and so the whistle sounded and off we all rumbled together,
furious as so many cats shaken up in a bag. An English-
man is decidedly a mufiGja, not only in his puffy appearance,
but in his quiet endurance of an oven-height temperature.
He rather enjoys being gently baked, and shuns draughts of
fresh air as he does beggars. If it were his fortune to take
a siesta under the equator, he would tenderly insert his head
in a woollen nightcap, as a proper precaution against the
possibility of getting cold in the head, of which, after indi-.
gestion, he lives most in dread. In leaving Birmingham,
> we had so changed our direction as to turn their faces to-
wards the iron horse, and thereby to give them the control
over the windows which we had previously enjoyed. The

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RURAL eOBKXRT. 81

IiTelj lick at whieh ve moved created an InTigoratiiig breeze.
An Englishman would have been false to his nature had he
quietly exposed himself to such a draught ; so each flushed
gentleman, with, determined composure, proceeded to put up
a window, and put on his nightcap, and after wrapping him-
self up in his India-rubber OTercoat, he snugly composed
bimsebP to sleep. Stifling hot became the car; our con-
densed breath ran down the glass in steams, and yet they
snoozed on, toasting as comfortably as fellow-muffins, waiting
their turn to go into breakfast. Through the combined as-
sistance of his odoriferous overcoat and the sweltering heat,
each dozing Englishman soon succeeded in making a scent-
bag of himself, whi«h, if crows had noses, would prove invalu-
able in a corn-field afflicted with those destructive bi|rds.
Was it not suffocating? provoking? And then to hear
tiiem snore too ! It was positively frightful. What social
punishment could be deemed too severe to be inflicted on
any civilized Christian, who would get. into a confined atmos-
phere in an india-rubber coat ?

We dash through more fields and hedges; and there,
half-hidden in the deepest shadow, is the picturesque porter^s
lodge, opening upon the long broad avenue of drooping elms,
which leads to some aristocratic dwelling. These venerable
elms may be considered the living sign-posts to aristocracy ;
and really if this aristocracy in its action on men resembled
its influence on nature, it would be an uncommonly pretty
thing to look at. I have sin<$e this railroad trip often trotted
in a dog-cart along the shady lanes and retired roads of Eng-
land, pausing by the way to wonder at and admire the exceed-
ing loveliness of many a mansion of aristocracy. A man
must see in order to appreciate the^e secluded hiding-places
of wealth. The taste, the care and ingenuity displayed in
the style of architecture of the houses, and in the keeping
of the grounds and parks, surpasses the most exaggerated
4* '

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frnoies of ftn imaginatiTe mind. Bat^ alasl the carefol
eultare of trees and oaitle, as ministeirs to its luxury, mono-
polises all the attention of the aristocracy, whilst thousands
of operatives in mines and manufactories, and paupers in
cities, are left to starve in ignorance and vice. Trees are
pruned, watered and manured, and the unceasing care of
countless laborers is devoted to them. The sleek horses and
bullocks are considerately blanketed ; due regard is had to
the air, light and cleanliness of their stables, and every at-
tention is paid to the quantity and quality of their food.
But millions of human beings are left by their noble land-
lords to rot in those dens of " graduated starvation " — the
workhouses,-— or else to eke out an existence of protracted
wrei;chedness in stifling coalpits, and suffocating factories, or
to die unheard of in the cheerless garrets and loathsome
cellars of the large cities of the kingdouL The horses and
bullocks the aristocracy intend to ride and eat, and they
are, for that reason, no scanty recipients of affectionate
attentions. But the other class, God having seen fit to for-
bid by their peculiar conformation, their being subjected to
either one of the above-mentioned useif, can hope for no
place in the sympathies of their more fortunate feUow-men*
The aristocracy then being unable either to ride or to eat
them, innocently wonder what on earth they were made for,
and so leave them to starve or be miraculously fed by the
ravens as may happen. When it is reraemba*ed that in the
park alone of Ghatsworth there are 1600 acres, and that all
the four. hundred titles, and a vast number of ambitious
commoners, own one or more seats with extensive parks
attached ; some idea may be formed of the immense tracts
of the finest land kept idle to bolster up the proud -suprem-
acy of these wealthy sluggards, which, if brought into culti-
vation, would assist in feeding the starving millions of
London and the mining and manufacturing districts.

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ENQLISH WBITBB8 ON AMERICA. 83

CHAPTEE V.

ESrOLISH WBITEBB ON AHBBIGA.

A FEW meek, Bubmissiye, anglicized Americans are nerr-
otibIj anxious to convince England, &nd America, that
the deepest, most abiding affection subsists between them.
They most assiduously labor to prove by facts, and figures,
that certain prejudiced travellers, and narrow-minded jour-
nalists, do but waste ink in their efforts to disturb the har-
mony of two nations, allied in origin, and bound by common
ties. They blandly assure England, that America still
bases her national pride upon the triumphs of ^' the mother
country.'' They confidently assert, that the American
people, proud of their English descent, still insist upon shar-
ing with Great Britain the glories of their common anoes-
tiors. They cajole Americans with the soft assurance, that
England regards their progress with that sort of interest
which the parental heart can only feel ; they protest that
she id proud oi her offspring ; and that she glories in their
snpoess at home and abroad, as new evidence of the invinci-
bility of the Anglo-Saxon race. They hope, by judiciously
tickling the vanity of Johnny Bull, to restrain him from the
commission of excesses, to which even Americans would fail
to submit. And by dinging into our ears the familiar whine
of " the mother' country," " our common ancestors," and the
glory of being descended from a people " who can claim
Shakspeare and Milton as countrymen," they hope to recon-

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84 sveusH Ttwma*

die Americans to the degradation of a tutelage which most
prove a stain on our national character. They would fain
convince us that we must be servile, in order to be proud ;
they insult our understanding, by attempting to convince
us, that we could maintain our honor at the sacrifice of our
independence.

According to the convenient doctrine of these complying
sycophants, gratitude for the honor conferred on us by our
English relationship, should make us forgive any offence,
and submit to any imposition England may be pleased to
inflict We are considerately warned of the danger of
offending our parent ; her insults must be treated as badi-
nage ; her hostility deemed alia joke. If we should resent
her outrages, she may declare us to be no longer her heirs ;
if we excite her ire, she might cut us off from .the rich
inheritance of her glory. Though her good will could prove
valuable, and America could learn to humbly sue for her
favors, ought our interest to make us forget that forgiveness
may cease to be magnanimous, and that forbearance may,
after a while, sink into pusillanimity? But " to crook the
pregnant hinges of the knee, when thrift may follow fawning,"
is something that America has yet to learn. On our own
strength, and not on England's favor, we rely for success.
We renounce all claim to England's glory, by succession.
We scorn to be honored as the reputed descendants even
of Great Britain. As American citizens we present to the
world our claims to respect ; as American citizens we are
ready to maintain them. That solitary relic of England's
absurdities, that honor could be derived from ancestors, has
never been received with favor in our land. Our theory and
our practice have ever been, that « true nobility looks to
the future, not to the past.'' If we wear any of Eng-
land's laurels, we have won them, not borrowed them. And
if we are proud of being Americans, it is not because we

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may as descendants of Snglushinen share Amx national pride,
but because as foemen, in equal fight, we haye humbled il
Tis most true that Britain^s triumphs are our glory. But
we have appropriated, as she gained tiiem, on the ocean and
in the field.

It is our interest, as it has erer been our pleasure, to do
justice to England's greatness. In acknowledging her reputa-
tion we establish our own. Prowess in the Tanquished is
the proudest tribute to the victor. She has hitherto been
supreme; but her ambition overleaps itself; her pre-eminence
is likely to prove her ruin. She so long stood idone among
nations, that she can but ill brook the presence of a rival,
more especially when that rival appears in a nation whom
she has struggled to think of with scorn and treat with de-
rision. In order to convince the world and themselves of
the sincerity of their disdain, Englishmen have resorted to
the vilest slander and abuse. They indulge their native
malevolence in every species of injustice, in every form of
attack. There is no crime too flagrant, no outrage too
glaring, for Americans to be accused of. But their own
fury blinds them. They forget that malignity cannot be
mistaken for indifference ; that rancor can never be con-
strued into contempt. The hitter pleasure they derive from
assailing America, shows that they fear as well as hate her.
The very pains they take to convince the world that we ace
unworthy of all consideration, proves of how much more im-
portance we are in their eyes than they would have it sup-
posed. Such intense hatred lives not without a cause ; in-
difference on any subject produces silence ; and if we w^e
so despicable as they pretend to believe, we ediould much
less frequently be the theme of their inventive. But it is
the privilege of helpless malice to rail, and England too well
deserves the right not to be allowed to enjoy it. If, in
abusing us, she finds relief from the ehoking accumulation

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86 ■NOUBR miiB.

of her spleen, I can say from my heart let her rail on. Her
satire has hitherto proved more harmless, if posnble, to
America than her arms. Her assaults, of both kinds, have
always redonnded as much to our honor as her own confo*
ffiion. Bat I wonld have her spite ascribed to its real mo-
tive ; I should like to see her attacks receiyed in the proper
spirit. What conld be more humiliating than to behold
her '^ Uly-livered " partisans, whilst wincing under her
savage cahimnies, vainly attempting a grinning approval of
their wit 1 What could be more disgusting than to observe
those Anglicised Americans, whilst cowering beneath the
fierceness of her rebuke, meanly acknowledging the justice
of it? I would not have my countrymen forget the* fact,
that her malice arises from envy, and that jealousy sustains
her bitteniess. I would have them amused by what is
worthy of being laughed at, at the same time that I would
have th^n despise the vituperation, which has nothing but
its Billingsgate coarseness to distinguish it. I can always
laugh at a really good thing, even when perpetrated at my
own expense ; I could enjoy even English sarcasm could it
ever fail to sink into scurrility.

It would be cruel to restrain England in her propensity
to vilify us, when she displays such remarkable fluency in
a slanderous style oi speech. When the ability to calum-
niate is the only power which has survived the gradual en-
croachment of bowels upon intellect in Great Britain, it
would be a pity to rob the EngHsh even of this miserable
evidence of mind. When vituperation is the solitary ap
proach they are capable of making to any quality which
belongs to eloquence, it would be excessive enmity not to
leave them to its indulgence. I should be as reluctant to
deprive them of the free exercise of their undoubted talent
for abuse, as I would be to- curry favor with them by sub-
mission. But I should like to reserve the privilege of

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ENGLISH IfRITBBS OV AMBBIOA. 89

recmyiag and replying to thcdr inveotiYes, without regarding
the flunky dictation of some few Americans, who haye shown
themselves unwor^y of the name. I have no desire to cur-
tail, in the least de^ee, the ample range of England's vile
imagination ; but I do not reli^ being insulted, by being
told that she basely slanders becanse she tenderly loves us.'

Mutual enmity is the only feeling which can ever be
maintained with sincerity between the two nations; and
there is something much more attractive, to me, in the frank-
ness of declared hostility, than the empty professions of a
truce which neitheur pretends to respect. We must be foes ;
but let us be courteous foes. All that we demand of Eng-
lishmen is, that there dhall be ^^a fkir fight" and ''no hitting
under the belt." We expect no gentle consideration for our
inexperience on their part ; but, on entering " the ring," we
defy them to do their worst. We have nothing to fear in
this contest. A brave foe, though vanquished, comman(|s
the admiration of his adversary. 'Tis true America is young,
and not much skilled in " the science of fistiana ; " but though
we may be conquered after some " hard fought rounds," yet
we will much more certainly seeure England's respect than
we could purchase her forbearance by " going down" without
a single blow. But if we will " hit out " v^orously, there
is no certainty that the issue of the battle will be against
us. Englishmen, though strong, and much practised in the
cunning tricks of ''the ring," present so many assailable
points, that our victory is certain if our determination prove
valiant. Let them thoroughly understand " the articles of
the fight ; " that the contest may hereafter be conducted with
the punctilious propriety of " an affiiir of honor," not the
low indecency of a brothel brawl.

We are assured that England regards us with a most
parental affection ; we are informed that she is proud of
her offspring. She has, indeed, been most touohingly afieo^

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88 SNOUSH ITEMS.

tioiiAte. From the 13th May, 1607, to the 20ih December,
1852, her solicitous attentions have been unceasing. From
iha time of Captain Christopher Newport's landing his fleet
of three ships, with the 105 settlers of Jamestown, to the
date of our present glorious Bepublio of thirty-one States,
the marks of her sincere regard have been too unmistakable
for eyen ^ the most prejudiced and narrow-minded of Ameri-
cans '^ to deny them. Her devotion has truly been yery
extraordinary. Nature affords but a single parallel of her
maternal affsction. She gloats oyer us with that scnrt of
appetiung tenderness, which might be supposed to haye ani-
mated a sow '^ that* hath eaten her nine farrow." We are
probably indebted to our strength and numbers for not
haying been subjected to the same practical illustration of
her extreme deyotion enjoyed by the pigs. Twenty millions
of hardy freemen would proye a troublesome meal, eyen for
ogreish England.

But England regards our progress with parental exulta-
tion. That she ches watch our adyancing strides with the
deepest interest, I am most ready to admit But hers is a
keener anxiety than eyer animates eyen a parent's breast
It is the feyerish, all-absorbing interest of an apprehensiye
riyal, whose soul is racked by mingled hate and fear. If
she pretends to glory in our success, as her kindred of the
Anglo-Saxon race, she has been rather too tardy in discoyer-
^ing the tie of relationship, to make its acknowledgment a4i
all flattering now. The truth is, that even her purblind
jealousy at last permits her to feel that some honor mjght
arise from claiming us as of her own family, and she has
become wondrously proud of a connection that she has been
something less than a hundred years in finding put Id
defiance of her persecutions, wars, and slanders, we hay(
assumed such a position, that eyen she might derive conse
quence from patronizing us. But she strangely mistaken

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our relations, when she supposes that the American people
would submit to being treated as inferiors. Having shown
ourselves her equals in peace, and her superiors in war, we
must respectfully decline her patronage, as we have steadily
defied her. malice. The hope that she could flatter us into
bolstering up her tottering empire is eminently worthy of
her selfishness, but does not reflect much credit on her judg-
ment. She gave us no assistance in our rise ; she must ex--
pect none from us in her decline. She^must not hope — she
must not hope, by playfully claiming us as her ^ American
kinsfolk," that the reflection of our rising glory will illu-
mine her waning power. We disclaim all sympathy with
people who can only remember that they are related to us,
when it becomes their interest to do so. We should have
despised them less had they continued to assail us as ene-
mies, instead of making pusillanimous professions of friend-
ship it is impossible for them to feel. The favors we have
received from England will not be troublesome to return.
We may be as slow to extend as we have been to receive
friendly greetings.

But then we have "common ancestors." We spring
from the same origin, and speak the same language, 'tis
true. But all this only serves to widen the gulf between
us. Common enmity is mild compared with the hatred
which springs from friendship outraged and confidence
abused. Neglected duties and broken ties do but increase
the bitterness of those who have once been united. Like
objects negatively electrified, England and America fly farther
asunder, from having so closely adhered. The laws govern-
ing our sympathies are as unchangeable as those of elec-
tricity, and we now mutually repel, because we once mu-
tually attracted each other. Position, the times, and fate
' unite in making us rivals. It is impossible that we could
ever be otherwise whilst England continues powerfrd, or

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America free. The two greatest nations on earth — %he
occupants of different hemispheres, and the representatives
of antagonistic principles of goyemment, necessity would
make us rivals in spite of the sincerest inclination to be
friends. It is but natural that England should feel most
acutely this feeling of jealousy. The weaker rival ever
nurses the bitterest hate. And England cannot escape
from the consciousness that her strength must wane as ours
grows, though she may attempt to deceive others by her
boasts and sneers. She already bears about her the evi-
dences of o'er-ripe maturity, whilst every year must develope
some new power in America. Decay must soon begin in
England, and time, which will prove her ruin, will be our
friend. Her successful rivals, we have not time to pause
in our career to wonder if England cheers our progress.
We are not anxious, because we have nothing to fear. We
are less bitter, because we feel secure. Our advance is, too
rapid to give us time to watch England. We hate her with
much less intensity than she has honored us with, because
we feel no apprehension of her power. As she cannot ob-
struct our path, we naturally forget her presence. But we
must be eternally in her thoughts, because we are gradually
eclipsing her greatness. The spectre of some dreaded ob-
ject haunts the apprehensive mind with imuch more con-
stancy, than the loved one's image lives in a devoted heart.
England's distrust commenced at our birth, and has inr
creased with our strength. Xhe apprehension with which
she regarded us, seemed almost instinctive. Whilst we
were as yet a sickly settlement, feebly contending in the wil-
derness against savages and fiimine, she seemed oppressed
by the consciousness that there was danger to her in our suc-
cess. With unnatural barbarity she turned from us, with
the vain hope that we must perish amidst the privations of
the desolate spot, in which our lot was cast. But the God

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of nations, who sent ravens t6 feed Elijah in the desert,
succored ns. And from a handful of men, whose hopes
of existence were reduced to a few grains of corn, we have -'
been raised up into a powerful protector to the rest of the
world against the encroachments of the English system.
England's deadly enmity, originally shown in neglect, was af-
terwards manifested in a series of persecutions, which final-
ly drove us into open resistance. In her attempt to coerce
ns by arms she lost her colonies, and we gained our indepen-
dence. Her hatred, increased by the bitter mortification of
defeat, was not long in again bursting into unrestrained fury^
She resolved to cripple our growing commerce by exercising
the arrogated right of search. Once more she struggled
to annihilate our power in war. Her baffled hate received
another terrible rebuke, and our brilliant success by sea and
land, which added a long list to our heroic names of the Re*
volution, first taught her to fear as much as she hated Amer*
lea. She no longer dared assail us openly, and her national
rivalry sunk into personal spite. Destitute of the power to
injure us as a nation, she condescended to assail individual
peculiarities, and by the ridicule of our manners by her
tourists, and attacks on our social and political institutions,
by her periodicals and daily press, she hoped to accomplish
by cavilliug at us, what she had failed to do by her arms.
Her jealous disposition has been evident to all those familiar
with the newspaper literature of the country ; but it is
80 happily displayed in the following petty attack from
the London Times on the American contributions to the
world's fair, that I cannot resist the temptation to quote it.
It is a fair specimen of the tone of the London press gene-
rally:—

If the AmericanB do excite a smile, it is by their pretensions.
Whenever they come out of their own province of rugged utility, and
enter into competition with I^aropean ekgance, they oertainly do make

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tibtntdrei ndi«iiIoai^ their ftiraibiM is groteiqiM; tbeir mnmg&B

and barOfeas are gingerbread; their carpete are tawdry; their patch-
work quilts surpass eyen the inyariable ugUneps of this &bric ; their
cut glass is clumsy ; their pianos sound of nothing but iron and wood ;
their bookbinding is that of a journeyman working on his own account
in an English market town ; their daguerreotypes are the sternest aii4
gkoomieet of all daguerreotypes ; their printed caliooesare such as ov^
housemaids would not think it respectable to wear. Even then: ing»>
nuity, great as it is^ becomes ridiculous when it attempts competition
with Europe. Double pianos^ a combination of a piano and a yiolin, a
chair with a cigar-case in its back, and other mongrel constructions^
belong to a people that would be centaurs and mermeif if they could,
and are always rebelling against the trammels of unity.

Thd displays of her mean disposition to detract from our
merits are not confined to the absnrd scnrrilitj of her news-
papers or the stale slanders of her books. In her bluster-
ing course with regard to the McLeod difficulty, the NortJh-
westem boundary, and the recent fishery questbn, her mib-
loTolence almost got the better of her prudence ; she plainly
showed that she still possessed the will, though destitute of
the courage to attack us. England should be careful of
these outbursts of fury. She should remember, that, like
the bee, which in leaying its envenomed sting with its £q«^
sickens and dies, the enraged rival may become the vic^
of his own wiles. The means to which Great Britain re*
sorts to overthrow America, may prove her own ruin.

It is true that a cowardly policy during the uncertainty
of the late dispute about the Newfoundland fisheries, dictat-
ed a great change of tone in the i^ess of England since the
period when its head, the London Titnes, denounced Ame-
rica as a Bepublic of scoundrels, with a few honest men in-
termixed. But their unconquerable aversion to America
embitters the soothing cup of flattery they commend to our
lips ; and they lose the advantage of their attempt to cqut-
oiliatCi by allowing their miserable jealousy to shine through

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their labored efforts at praise. The Times, about the period
when many thought the two countries might be involved m
war, contained this somewhat remarkable article, in which
it lauds our power and progress, but insinuates that we are
pirat0s and villains, who, regarding the laws neither of Ood
nar man, are yet destitute of the courage to avenge the mur^
der of our eitizens, which resulted from our unscn^ulous
ambition. It is useless to comment on the subtle injustice
of the article. It speaks for itself:

THS LEAP, OF THS UNITED STATES' TO THE FIRST RANK Of
NATIONS — THE CONQUEST OF CUBA.
[From fbe London Ttmes of Septomber A, 180S^]
It has ever been the delight of historiaiiB and philosophers to tr%oe
and work out an analogy between the peculiarities of diomte and
aoenery, and the eharaeter and disposition of nations, lliere Is some-
thiag liogularly wild and extreme in the phystcal ph^omena of the
Ameriean continent The mountains litemllj pieroe the cload% and
poor down from their snow-capped sommits rivers that sweep fheir
uneontrollAble course lor thousands of miles^ and bear with them, as
trophies of their mighty trees of a girth and growth unknown to the
Buropean observer. The seasons are as strongly marked. A summer of
mgini^ and almost intolerable heat is succeeded by a winter of littie leas
tluai Arotie severity. All things there tend to represent the coarse of
nature as the result of a series of violent and uncontrollable impulsii^
and to conceal those silent and unvarying laws which regulate alike
the fall of a drop of rain and the course of the mi^ty Father of
Waters.

There never probably was» siiioe Hie beginning of the world, an
Inrtance of Bach solid, sudden, and damUfig prospei^ty as has been
aehieved witiun the last fifty years by the United States of America.
By peaceful industry and bold but well-weighed enterprise, they have
advanced to a degree of materiid well-being which, to those who only
know the worid from booka^ must appear almost incredible. They
have but to persevere in the same course, and there is no limit to the
triumphs that lie before them. They have still a boundless territory
t0 oeonpy «id improve^ in the posseftrioa of which they are without a

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M EMOLHH RBIfl.

' naif^kbor, and • nuoioii of aviliaitioa and oonsolidation to ezeeote aa
noble as eyef deyolTed upon the boos of men. But the previous tri-
umphs of their industry and tlieir enterprise haye been so rapid and
portentous that they would seem to haye a tendency to turn aside the
nation from its steady onward course, and to enlist it in more brilliant
but far lesB certain schemes of aggrandizement A nation of hard-
heiuled traders and speculator^ struggling day by day with praise-
worthy perseyerance and intensity for the possession of the " almightjr
dollar," this people, so shrewd and calculating in its private traBsao-
tione^ becomes^ when it touches on public afiBurs, wild and extrayaganl^
boundless in its aspirations and insatiable in its cupidity. It possesMS
a will as uncontrollable as the powers of nature whieh surround i^
and spurns the control of law to which these mighty agencies so humbly
submit themselyes.

There are at present two courses of policy open to the United
States — the policy of commerce and the policy of conquest It is open
to them to throw down commercial restrictions^ to stimulate the spirit
of traffic, to give up aspirations of military glory, and found a power
like that of their mother country, relying rather on arts than arms ; or
they may substitute the military for the commercial spirit^ seek to
establish within themselyes a world of their own, and to enlarge a ter-
ritory already too vast for unify, by the forcible annexation of lands too
weak to resist the onset of the mighty confederation. Never had a
people good or evil set so &irly bef<»re them, and never was the choice
more doubtful or momentous *

It is now just a year since the piratical expedition to Cuba, resulting
in the sanguinary exeention of fifty American citizens and the ignomi-
nions death of the " unprincipled adventurer'' by whom the descent
was planned. We had hoped that this severe lesson— a single reverse
amid so much prosperity and progress— would have taught the United
States the folly and wickedness of such unwarrantable enterprises^ and
finidly decided the balance in fiivor of the policy of justice and mode-
ration, lliere » much reason to fear we are mistaken. A s(^ of
<< guild'' or <* order" has been formed in the South, consisting^ we sup-
pose we must say, not of unprincipled adventurers^ but of many of the
most *' worthy and influential merohante, lawyers and politicians of the
country." The object is the extension of American influence over the
Western hemisphere and the islands of the Atlantic and Pacific. The
first booty on whieh they have cast their eyes is Cuba, and from that
island they propete to sweep away every vestige of Spanish autfaotity

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heiare two boos have riaen and set on the inyaden. ^'EoligliteiMd
public .opinion in the United States^" it ib said, will sanction this mea-
sure, seeing that there are many reasons why Americans require the pos-
session of the island. In the first pLioe, thej wish to substitute for the
iron rule of Spain, the republican sys^m of government ; next^ ihej
anticipate assistance from the discontented Creoles-*« fidladous hope, if
we may judge by the experience of Lopez. Thirdly, they see in the
acquisition of this iaUmd a guarantee for the permanency- of the institu-
tion of slaTcry. Fourthly, such a conquest would extend their com-
merce. Fifthly, the lick and luxurious covet this gem of the Antilles,
aa an agreeable and accessible retreat from the severities of a New-
York winter, and long to exchange the frozen breezes of the North for
enchanting visions of orange trees and sheny cobblers. The sum and
substance of all these reasons is that^ without pretending a shadow of
light to this possession of the crown of Spain, the Americans desire xt^
and therefore will have it Whatever the Americans can take .belongs
to them, according to this new school of ethics ; and come peace or
eome war, they will not permit the intervention of any European
power between them and any friendly ally whom they are determined
to plunder.

It is no litUe question that is raised by these avowed intentions-
nothing less than whether due of the first-rate powers <^ the world
shall declare itedf exempt from the provisions of the law of nations-
shall deny the existence of any right except that of the stronger, and
claim to set no bounds to its aggressions^ except the limite assigned by
its boundless eupldity and lust of dominion. Shall there arise in the
nuddle oi the nineteenth century, a piratical State, bound by no law%
veoognizing no rights, and avowedly basing its policy on prindples
which in the case of individuals this very same society would visit
with the penitentiary or the gibbet? There was a time when, intoxi-
cated like the United States with its enormous prosperity, ancient
Athens laid down for itself the same rule of conduct, and boldly pro-
teBed that while justice might regulate claims between equals, the
stronger had a right to impose every thing to which the weaker might
be compelled to submit After a few years the vicissitudes of events
placed this arrogant State in the very position it had described, and
rendered it dependent on the ccmtemptuous clemency of a conqneror
for that very existence to which, upon its own principles, it had lost all
right when it became unable to defend it Suppose we were to apply
ft siinilar reason to the island of Madeira. Nothing would be earner

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tiMa to take it from the feeble power to wkom it belong^b It is not
too well governed by the Portogaese, it is a oommAiidiDg oommercud
position, end its dimete is regarded as a speeifie for the national disease
of consumption. We have, therefore, many reasons to desire it^Why,
then, do we not make it our own? For two reasons^ which our
American friends will do well to consider. We toill not viohU the
prindplm of eternal juitiee, tamUh the Itutre of our arms, and diagrmoe
mtrekmraeterfi>rfaimet$ and moderation, hy noregting hit propertjf from
omr ally beeaute he is unable to keep iL And if we wish to do this we
dare not We dread the retribution which foUows on such act^ and
have learnt thal^ sooner or later, the force of public opinion will put
down any power which claims to emancipate itself from the e<mtrol of
eoBseience and the praetice of justice. We commend these considera-
tions in no unfriendly spirit to our friends across .the Atlantic^ and
trust that they will see, on calmer reflection, that in this case^ as in all
otben^ their duty is identical with their interest^ and that enlightened
public opinion in the States^ instead of supporting ''worthy and influ-
ential ** men who form themselves into secret societies for the purposes
of piracy and bueoaneerin^ wiH declare that such objects are unworn
thy, and that their promoters ought not to be influential.

Bat the ingenious gentlemen, alluded to in the com-
mencement of this chapter, insist that the people of England
are devotedly attached to us, and pretend that the ribald
assaults so frequently made upon us through all the literary
channels of the country, are but the unheeded ravings ci
rabid editors, and the frothy emanations of tourists^ brains^
This absurd declaration requires no refutation among these
who have been in England, who have encountered Eng-
lishmen in travelling in the older continents, or who have
been much associated with them in our own ; but those who
have been so fortunate as entirely to escape the annoyance
of intercourse with them, need require no better evidence
of their hostility, than the tone of their books and news-
papers. The peculiar opinions of any people may be best
judged of bj the style of the books written for their amuae*-
ment It is the labor of every author so to adapt his 4ityle

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nskd sentiinexito to the tastes of his readers^as most probably
to secure their approbation. Whether he writes for fkqie
or money, selfishness prompts him to pnrsue this course ; and
the opinions he advances will ineyitably be colored by the
prejudices of the community in which he lives. The con-
soiousaess that his^suecess is so wholly dejpendent on their ap-
approval will make him, without his being aware of it, adapt
his ideas to theirs, even whilst he imagines himself a bold
and independent writer. No book was ever yet written without
an expectation on the part of the auUior of its finding readers.
'Tis ridiculous to suppose ^lat any man would submit to the
Jabor of book-making merely for the fun of composition.
The pr^ce to a mediocre rolume often declares the con-
sciousness of the author, that the tenets of his work must pie-
yent its ever being read. But the pains he takes to make
the announcement shows its absurdity. The preface wMeh
oontains the naodest declaration betrays its insincerity. He
may pretend that he has resorted to writing to while away
Insure hours, or to alleviate mental suffering ; and I can
vmry readily ooneeive of his wishing his lucubrations printed
£» his own coitvenience,^ as a permanent record of his feel-
kiga at the time. But surely the pr^EUse is altogether su-
pecflnras,uj^8s he hopes that other eyes than his own will
peruse his thoi^hts. And the man who unblushingly de-
okres in one of Uiose necessary attaejlments prefixed to every
printed vohtme, that he has written a book whi<^ he believes
nobody will read, e<mvicts himself of something very like

iy«g-

Even authors, purely actuated by the higher impulses of
ambition, will in spite of themselves study the feelings of
their probable readers. How preposterous then is it to de-
cfakre, that writers in a country like England, where every
thing is undertaken with the hope of gain, would crowd
fhmr bo<^s with sentiments notoriously unpopular. Iq
5

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England an author's popularity is not estimated by tiie
number of editions issued, but by the price paid for his work
by the publisher. He is not so much oelebfated for the re-
putation he has established, as the money he has amassed.
He writes not for fame but gold. And he endeayots not ao
much to give utterance to sentiments which will give vBk-
mortality to his name, as to express opinions which will se-
cure the most favorable terms ^om his publishens. Not-
ing is better calculated to produce servility, than a base loife
of gold. And so long as Englishmen continue to wiite for
money, they will not only studiously avoid shocking the
prejudices of their countrymen, but will take partioulftr
pains to minister to them. Every prejudice is weighed-^
every passion consulted by these mercenary bopkwrights,
in order, by inflaming them, to create a greater, demand for
their works. They would be the last men in the world to
assail America, if they were not assured that scurrilous abufle
of that country was the most saleable commodity of their
trade.

The press may be justly consid^ed the best thenoGm^bM*
for ascertaining the true state of publie (^pinion, on any Bsh-
ject, in any country, where even the forms of freedom are ob-
served. Editors, in addition to many other mamlestatiosis
of talent, evinee an extraordinarily quiek perception of ike
inclinations of the majority, and generally manage to nie
them to their advantage. It is a well-approved saying (
in America, where a greater independence of spirit aiwi i
freedom animates the press than «ny country in the wesU,
tdiat on all questions of taste or national utility, the press
follows public opiniou so closely, as to appear to dirociit.
How much more applieable is this prov^b to England, where
the acceptance of money for advocating any man or saeas-
ure is not deemed a prostitution o£ the press. In the ubi-
.versal scramble for gold which convulses the conittry, Adit-

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•ora of periodtcab and sewspapen are not ariiamed opoily

to ayow their ministering to the most bigoted prejudioes,
and exciting the worst passions of t^ people, as a source of
profit to themselyes. That policy is advocated, that gOT-
emment praised, and those opinions encouraged ffhich it
is supposed will pay best. And when this most sordid prin-
ciple animates the so<nal and political system of England,
Americanfi must not be surprised that Quarterlies — Month-
lies, Weeklies and Daylies, should unite in. heaping con-
tumely on America, whilst the morbid tastes of Englishmen
continue to relish such abu^e. As the stereotyped slang, in
which they habitually assail us, requires but a small invest-
ment of talent, and yields a very handsome profit, an attack
<m America has become a Iftvorite speculation with the pennjr-
ft^liner tradesmen of G^reat Britain. It is a branch of the
bunnessyin which the vilest scribblers may set iq>,as a large
stock in trade is not requisite to make an imposing show.
The basest tinsel appears gold, and the lowest Billingsgate
is thought to be gay trimming, when they adorn the doublet
of sland^s^^in which these catchpenny speculators in second-
hand olothes attempt to array Am^ica.

When I can show that both tourists and editors indulge
in the coarsest invective against America, 1 think my read-
ers will agree with me that Englishmen are not quite so ar-
dent in their affection for America as some of our anglicised
countrymen would have us suppose. In presenting the fol-
lowing extracts, I have no expectation of informing my read-
ers of what, they have not for a long time been aware of. I
merely desire to refresh their memories as to the very many
outrageous things which have been saidr of ua Both as to
authors and quotations, I have been influenced by conve-
nience ; a sufficient number will be given, I hope, to convince
even those who may not be familiar with the style of Eng-
lish writers on America, that I have not been unjust in my

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Donolnsicns inih regard to the sentiments of En^lAimeit
towards lis.

Mr. Featherstonhaugh has well deserved the honor of
being placed in the front rank of those I shall mention, by
the freest indnlgenoe of those enphonio epithets which appear
most acceptable in the refined circles of England. From
Washington to New Orleans this lughly tasteful gendeman
has adorned his crowning wreath of slanders with the choicest
flowers from Billingsgate. The F. R. & ostentatiooslj
tacked to his name, might be very naturally translated by
the ignorant into First Royal Scarenger, he i^^pears so per-
fectly at home in the handling of filtL But though he has
so copiously bespattered us with his foul language, I am eer-
tain he has caused us no greater uneasiness than the annoy-
ance we should feel in being defiled by any other dirt-caci
which happened to pass. < But the disttnguidied geMeamm
and scholar shall speak for himself His opening sentenee
is worthy of the author and his book.

Any one who has endured for maay days the filth and diioom^ai^
of that caroyansary called Qadtk^i Hotd at WaahiDgton, the city > of
"msgnifieeat distmeee^" will feel exoeedingly rejoleed whe%4ift€Br a
short interval of two or three houn^ he finds Jiimself tranafenred ^.
the railroad to Bamum'e at Baltimore.

Hear him on the White Sulphur Springs of Yirgmia :

Language cannot do jostice to the scenes we witnessed, and through
which we had to pass at the White Salphnr Springs. It mndt appear
incredible to those who have heard so much of the celelmty of tfaSa
watering-place, bat who have Derar been here, to be told that this^
the most filthy, disorderly place in the United States^ with less method
and cleanliness about it than belongs to the common jiuls of the country,
and where it is quite imposable to be comfortable, should from year io
year be flocked to by gp*eat numbers of polite and well-bred people,
who have comfortable homes of Hieir^wn, and who conli&iie' to t^kkaJask

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Mridfll all tibw diMomfort^ whidi, from tiie naiare of tiang^ they kaaw
is unchangeable. Thk reqmres some explanatkm.

As a specimen of the " polite and well-bred people," the
liickjr Mr. Featherstonhaugh encountered at the *' Springs,"
I beg leave t.o call the attention of my readers to the fol-
loiring conversation between three newly arrived gentlemen
from Virginia, Kentucky and MissLisipjH. The citizens of
those States will, of course, recognize the accuracy with which
the learned author has given their respective dialects as ex-
isting in " polite and well-bred " circles :

One of them maintained that in ''the hall woorld there was no
sich baoon as Virginia bacon/' Another, who was a Kentuckian, felt
himself hurt by this observation, and put in an inmiediate rejoinder;
SH^i^ *<I allow the Yirginiaas do flog all mankind at prai^ng them^
sthrefl^ and thdr bacon might be pretty good, bnt it war^nt to be oom-
piwe4» no not for a banning oi a tl^ng^ to the baoon of the western
ooiystry, where the land was an almighty sight finer, produced better
com, and, of course, made better hog&" The Virginian now became
nettled, and swore they had ** more reel Inxories in old*Virginia than
tb^ had in the huU tooorld," and asked I2ie Kentncldan if they had
*^ey«teis in Kentodcy, and eiams^ and sioh-Iike;** finishing with •
jec^ration that tiie finest land in the "hull wocM*ld " was. in Sonth*
ampton County. These oysters silenced the Eentackian, who, living
fiyr in the interior, had nevw seen any ; bnt a resident of the State of
** J#<Miasipi»,'' who coold not stand this boast of fine land, pat it to
the YligKHan whether they could grow sugar in Southampton County,
and added that he had *' always heer^n that the hawysters of Ifew-
Qn^teas had sieh a onaccountable fine flavour, that they would knock
the hawysters of Old Viiginny into their ninety-ninth year any day."
"I reckon they get that from the yellow fever,'* rejomed the Vir-

He gives a truthfal and graphic description of the style
of aeoominodation prevailing at the Springs :

.'Xhe BMttnss was foU of knotsi and what was in the thing, that wa^

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intended to be mj pillow I ueyer ABoertidned; but a gentlemm i»
formed me that he and hie wife haTing^ after the usual yexatione ddayi^
got into some room reeembling oim, as soon as they laid down for tha
nighty found their pillow not only yery diflagreeable from a aiclEeiiing
odour that came fiN>m it^ but gifted with some curious hard kAobe ia
it that were moyeable. As it was out of the question to deep upon i1^
he threw it on one side^ and had the curiosity to examme it ia flie
ffiomhig when he discoyered that they had not only bountifully put a
handful or two of dirty liye feathers into i<^ but the ne^ with tha
heads to them, of two ddckens and a duck. I haye not the least doubt
of the truth of thia^ for the slayes who attend to such matters haye
entirely their own way, and there is no one to examine their conduct

The fossil gatherer is thrown into a helpless state of
wondering bewilderment by the ^ grand bolting operation.*
The astonishment is truly ineomprehensible which coold
deprive an Englishman of his dinner :

But who can describe the noise, the confusion incident to a giaud
bolting operation, conducted by three hundred AmMicaa pwformen^
and a hundred and fifty black slayes to help them! It seemed to me
that almost eyery man at table considered himself at job-work against
time, stuffing sausages add whatoyer else he could cram into his throal
But the dinner-scene presented a spectacle still more extraordinarf
than the break&st And, firat^ as to the cooking; which was aftor tUs
mode. Bacoo, yenison, bee^ and mutton, were all boiled together in
the same yessel ; then those pieces that were to represent roast m«at
were tekea out and put into an oyen for awhile ; after which a sort of
dirty grayy was poured from a huge pitcher indiscriminately upon
roast and boiled. What wHh this strange banquet^ and the clinking
ci kniyes and forks^ the rattling of platee^ the confused running about
of troops of dirty slayes^ the numerous cries for this, that, and the
other, the exclamations of the new-comer^ ** Oh, my gracious I I reckon
I neyer did see uch a dirty table-doth," the nasty appearance of the
incomprehensible dishes, the badness of the water brought from the
creek where the clothes were washed, and the uniyersal feculence of
eyerything around, the scene was perfectly astounding. Twice I tried
to dine there^ but it was impossible. I could do nothing but stare,-aiid
before my wander was oror eyerything was gone, people and all, «s-

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oept a few Blow' eatera. I neyer eoold become reoonciled to Uie uni-
yersal filth, as some told me thej had got to he, and mj wife would
literally have got nothing to eat if I had not given a douceur to Uio
eoo^ and another to one of the black eeryantfl^ to provide her everj
' day a small dish of fi>ied venison or mutton, for which we waited until
it was j>laced before her; this, with, very good bread — and it always
iirss g9od — was her only resource. Much squeezed as we were at firsts
^ere i^as a sensll^e relaxation and more elbow-room in a very few
minutes^ in consequence of the gi'Cat numbers who had the talent of
bolting their " feed " in five minutes. A gentleman drew my attention
to (me of these quick feeders, who had been timed by himself and
others^ and who had been observed to bolt the most extraordinary
quantities of ang^r pieces of bacon, beef, and mutton, in the short
period of two minutes and'a hal£ This was a strange, meagre, sallow-
looking man, with black hair and white whiskers and beard, as if his
jaws liad done more work than his brains. All the bolters went at it
Just as quick feeders do in a kennel of hounds, helping themselves to
a whole dish without ceremony, cutting off immense loog morsels^ and
then presenting tiiem with a dexterous turn of the tongue to the anx-
ious CBsophagus, would launch them down by the small end foremost^
with all the confidence that an alligator swallows a young nigger, into
that friendly asylum where roast and boiled, baked and stewed, pud-
ding and pie, all that is good, and too often what is not very good,
meet for all sorts of noble and ignoble purposes. These quick feeders^
with scarce an exception, were igaunt, sallow, uncomely-looking per-
sons, incapable of inspiring much interest out of their coffins, always
excepting, however, the performer with the white whiskers^ whose
unrivalled talent in the present state of the drama, mighty perhaps^ be
turned to great account in some of the enlightened capitals of Europe.

Our friends in St. Louis have reason to feel indebted for
the subjoined glowing description of their principal hotel :

At the tavern where I lodged all was dirl^ disorder, and want of
system. A pack of ragged young negroes pei'formed the service of
chambermaids and waiters^ and did it about as well as a pack of grown
monkeys^ caught in the Braadls, would do in three months' teaching.
The landlord, who to me was always very obliging; seemed to have
no sort of authority either over his servants or his guests. These prin-
cipally consisted of those impudent^ smoking, spitting shopboy^ who

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104 ENQUBH ITBKS.

81*6 dignified in the United States with the appellation of **oLetk»,'* I
only ooeaaionally dined there ; bnt it was always the same thing. At
the ringing of a bell these *' clerks " mshed in crowds to the table,
just as a paek of hounds or a drove of swme would to their feed. I
found it most prudent to wait a short time, for in eight minutes ikay
had gobbled eyerjthing up, and had again rushed out to take a gtess
of swipes^ a cigar, and go to their "stores" One of the intolerable
evils of practical equality is, the obliging dean people to herd with
dirty onea The landlord, however, seeing my way of doing things,
used generally to send me something hot and comfortable to eat at my
leisure.

After allowing his mouth to water oyer the yarioos *' good ^
things of the country, which were spoiled howeyer in the
cooking, the rock-cracker indulges in a passing hit at Ameri-
can ayarice :

The country, indeed, abounds with what is good, but the majority
of the people do not seem to care how they live, provided it does not
interfei*e with the grand exclusive object of their existence, making
money. Wherever I go— with the fewest exceptions — ^this is the all-
prevailing passion. The word money seems to stand as the represea-
tative of tiie word '* happiness ** of other countries, In other hm^
we see rank, distinction in society, scientific and literary acquirements
with the other elevating objects that embellish and dignify human lih,
pursued by great numbers with constancy and ardour ; but hwe all
other avenues to advancement^ except the golden one, seem nearly un-
trod — ^the shortest cut^ cwte qui eoute, to that which leads to ready-
money being the favourite one. Where this sordid passion stifles tlas
generous ones, a rapacious selfishness is sure to establish itself; men
cease to act for the general welfare, and society at length resolves iV
self into a community, the great object of every individual of which ia
to grasp as much as will last as long as himself.

His description of the people of New Orleans is brief,
but complimentary :

The population partook strongly of the character of the latitude it
was in, a medley of Spaniards^ Brazilians, West Indians^ French Creole^
and breeds of all these mixed up with the negro stock. I think*I never

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ENOUSH WJUTKRS ON AMXIUCA. 100

met oiM peanoQ without a oig»r in hiB month, and eertai^, taking it
altogether, I never saw rach a piratical-looking population before
Dark, swarthy, thin, whiskered, smoking; dirty, reckless-looking men;
and filthy, ragged, screaming negroes and mnlattoes, crowded eyen
Btie de Chartres^ where onr lodgings were, and made it a yery ^-
pleaMuit quarter to be in. Kotwithstan^ng it was Sunday, the market
was open, and there I saw green peas (January 1st), salads^ bouquets
of roses, bananas from Havanna, and yarious good things that reminded
me I was in the SOtb degree of N. lat

He does not appear, However, to entertftin a very exalted
opinion of the religions principles of the ^ Crescent Oitj : "

It is evident that the future population of New Orleans is likely to
afford a rare specimen of the forms society can be made to take in a
semi-tropical dimate, where the passions act unrestrainedly, and where
money is the established religion of the country.

He is singnlarly mil^ when he tenches <m my adopted
State of Arkansas :

Hug territory of Arkansas was on the confines of the United States
and of Mexico, and, as I had long known, was the occasional residence d
many timid and neryoua persons, against whom the laws of these respec-
tive countries had a grudge. Gentlemen^ who had taken the liberty to
Instate the signatures of other perscms ; bankrupig, who were not dis-
posed to be plundered by their creditors; homiHdes, kone-^tealerf, and
ffambi9rg, all admired Arkansas on account of the very gentle and
U^kmaH tftate of public opinion which prevailed t&ere in regard to such
fbndam^Sntal points as religion, morals and property. Here, flying
tfom a stormy world of chicane and trouble, they found repose from
th6 terrors it inspired, and looked back upon it somewhat as Dante's
storm-tossed mariner did upon the devouring ocean.

Here is another pleasant allusion to << Jona^n and the
DolW:

Such is the plastic nature of Jonathan, his indomitable affection for
the almighty dollar, and his enterprise in the pursuit of it^ that it is
far from being imposaible that there are lots of his brethren at this tiOM
5*

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IM m«U8B

m Hm iatemr of ChiM^ wHh their iMads Amre^maA long pig^teUB
b^iiid then, peddlii^ enekoo docks and eelling wooden nutmegs.

I give an agreoablo little aketcli of the delights oi boai-
traydliBg in the Sonthiresi. What o]»mon must we fcMrm
of this soientifie traveller irtien he introdacea the name of a
private gentleman into his vile pages, in connection with
snch epithets as Mr. Bector is coupled with. Persons in
distant parts of the country will be surprised to learn . that
this Uaekgnard, as described by Mr. Featherstonhau^ is
a man of position and intelligence j I know him personally,
and his manners and appearance are those of a man of re-
finement and good breeding. Few citizens are more respected
among those who know him than this much slandered Mr.
Bector. How can Mr. Featherstonhaugh expect to be be-
lieved in other respects when he perpetrates such base
calumnies, and allows his opinions' to be so warped by pre-
judice :

' Upon embarkiDg on board of this steamer I was certainly pleased
with the prospect that presented itself of enjoying some-repose and
comfort after the privatiiMis and fatigues I had endured ; but never was
traveller more miwtukffli in his anticipations I The yezatious eondnet
oi the dnmken youth had made a serious innovation upon the sl^fat
degree of personal comfort to be obtained in sudi a place, but I had
not the slightest oonception that that incident would be entirely thrown
into the shade by others a thousand times more offensive^ and. thai^
from the moment d our departure from the post of Arkan^ww until oar
arrival at 'New Orleans^ I was destined to & series of brutal annoyanoea
tibat extinguished every hope of repose, or a chance of preserving even
the deoendeB of existence. ^

I had been told at the post of Arkansas that ten passengers were
waiting to oom« on board, and that several of them were notorious
swindlers and gamblers^ who, whilst in Arkansas, lived by the moat
desperate cheating and bullying, and who skulked about alternately
betwixt Little Rook, Nateheii^ and NewOrleMs^ in search of , any
plunder that violent and base means could bring into their handa
Some of their names were familiar to me, having heard them fre(|uently

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ENGLISH. WSIfESa OH AMBEICA. lOt

^fkokea of $i Little Roek as flcoundreU of th« worst clam From the
moment I heard the/ were coming on ho«u*d as passengers I predicted
to Mr. T******** that every hope of comfort was at an end. But
X had also been told that two American officers, a Captain D***"^ and
a lieutenant C******— the latter a gentleman entrusted with the eon-
stniction of the military road in Arkansas — were also coming on board.;
and I counted upon them as persons who would be, by the force of
eduction and a consciousness of what was due to their rank as officers^
on the side of decency at least, if not of correct manners ; and if those
persons had passed through the national military academy at West
Pois^ or had serred under the i*e8peotable chief* of the Topographical
Bunsau at Washington, I should not have been as grievously disap-
pointjed as it was my jEiote to be. It was true I had heard that these
officers had been passing ten days with these scoundrels at a low
tavern in this place, in the unrestrained indulgence of every vicious
extravagance, night and day, and that they were the familiar intimates
of these notorious swindlers. Nevertheless, believing that there ^must
be some exaggeration yi this, I continued to look forward with satis-
faction to having them for feUow-paseengers, confident that they would
be our allies against any gross encroachments of the others.

Very soon after I had retired to the steamer at -sunset^ the whole
clique came on board, and the effect produced on us was something
like that which would be made upon passengers in a peaceful vessel
jforcibly boarded by pirates of the most desperate character, whose
manners seemed to be what they aspired to imitate. Rushing into the
cabin, all but red-hot with whiskey, they crowded round the stove and
«Eeluded all the old passengers from it as much as if they had no right
whatever to be in the cabin. Putting on a determined bullying air of
^oing what they pleased beeause they were the i&ajority, and armed
witk pistols and knivesy expressly made for cutting and stabbing, eight
ianhes long and an inch and a half broad ; noise, confusion, spitting;
wuefkuigf caning and swearing, drawn from the must remorseless pt^pes
of blasphemy, commenced and prevailed fi'om the moment of this
invasioD. I was satisfied at osee that all resistance would be vain, and
thai even remonstiance might lead to murder ; for a sickly old man in '
the cabin happening to say to one of them there was so mueh emoke
he ooold hardly breathe, the feUow immediately said, "If any man
tells me he dwi't like my smoking Til put a knifejnto him."

* Colonel Abert.

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108 airousH irxm.

Am toon « supper ww oyer they «11 went to gsmbfing; darii^
wMch, «t ererj- turn of the csrda^ uaprecstioiM and blasphemies of the
most TevoUiDg kind were loudlj yociferated. Observing them from a
dJstaitoe where Mr, T******** and myself were seated, I peroeired
that one of them was the wretched looking fellow I had seen at Bjg^
nite'% on my way to Teonsy who went by the name of Smith, and thai
his keeper Mr. Tunstall was with him. The most Masphemons follows
amongst them were two men of the names of Rector and Wi]k>n.
This Rector at that time held a commission under the national goyeni-
ment as Marshal for the territory of Arkansas^ who was a man of
mean stature, low and sottish in his manners, and as corrupt and reck-
less as it was possible for a human being to be. The man named
Wilson was a suttler from cantonment Gibson, a military poet about
250 miles up the Arkansas : he had a remarkable depression at the
bottom of his forehead ; and from this sinus his nose rising with a
sudden sjHring, gave a foral expression to his face tibat exactly resem-
bled the portrait of the wicked apprentice in Hogarth. The rubric on
his oountenance too was a faithful register of iJM numerous joomeys
the whiskej bottle had made to his proboscis.

We haye in the following extract another epedmen of
this impartial anther's delicacy in introdncing private per-
sons by name into such a work as his. It seems the chief
crime of these " Mississippi gentlemen " was gambling. I
wonder if he ever heard of the notorious "hells" of London?
Have gentlemen never gamed in England ?

Yicksbui'g is a modem settlement situated on the side of a hill very
much abraded and cut up into gullies by the raina The land risea
about 200 feet above the Misttssippi, but sinks again vecy soon to the
east» forming a sort of ridge which appears at intervals as &r as J a toft
Rouge. On returning to the steamer we were infimned that e%ht or
ten gentlemm, some of whom were planters of great respeetalHlii^, «sd
amongst the rest^ a Mr. Yick, after whom the plaee was called, wore
ooming on board with the intentioQ of going to New Orleans. This
determined us to continue on with the boai^ conceiving that we shimld
be too many for the ruffians in the cabin, and that the captain-— who
was anxious to keep up a good understanding with the planters-^
would now interfere to keep some <Mrder there. But suppw being over^

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ENGLISH muDom oar ammmioa. 109

and tiM fuo4M^ vprmd. m xmoM^ wb«t iw mj hsrror and Mkooidi-
ment at aeeing Itow Mimanppi pentlemeft, with the re^peela^ lir.
Yick; Bitting dowB to &ro with theM swindler^ and in the ooane of •
yerj short time gambling, drinking imoking; and blaspheming jnrt as
I desperatdy as the irorst of them I The oabin became so full of tobaoeo
smoke that it -was impossible for me to remain k» it

I shall dismiss Mr. Featherstoohangh with the following
extract, from which there seems to be an inclination towards
prejudice against America in England :

It is not to be concealed, neverthelese^ that this frequent expression
o^ aversion to the mother country, added to the late notorious yiolations
of the most solemn engagements from the same quarter, haye raised a
strong and a deep-rooted prejudice on this side of the Atlantic^ which,
although natural, is to a certain extent unjust^ because there is little or
no discrimination obseryed in it

Mrs. TroUope is in every respect the worthy companion
of Mr. Feath^rstonhangh. Her name is so peculiarly illns-
tratire of the style of her book, that one feels half inclined
to snspect that it was assmned for the occasion. I regret
that I shall be unable to draw copiously from her highly
fur legated pages. I shair begin with the two general ob-
serrations on American charaoter, which follow :

It was not tiH I had leisure for more minute obserrationi that I felt
atwaie of the influence- of slarery upon the owners of slaves; when I
did^ I eofnfess I oould net but think that the ettisens of the United
fl is ft ss had eontrired, by their political akhemy, to extiaot all that was
Bost noxious both in demoeraoy and in slavery, and had poured the
sfeRmge mixture through every vein of the moral oiganisati<m of their
eauniry*

How often did our homely adage recur to me, " AH work, and bo
{day, would make Jack a dull boy ;" Jonathan is a very dull boy. We
are by no means so gay as our lively neighbors on the other side of the
Channel ; but; compared with the Americans^ we are whirligigs and
tefcaiums; every day is a holidrf^, and every night a festtval.

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110 INAUSB xaam.

For lear thm( our Borthem firiends should be mortified
by 0iippo8iiig that the attention of snch talented writers had
been exclnsivelv devoted to the South, I beg leave to direct
their attention to what Mrs. TroUope politely says of theagi :

Nothing can exceed their activity and perseyeranoe in-all Jdnds of
speculation, handicraft and enterprise, which promises & profitable
pecuniary result I heard an Englishmani who had been long resident
in America, declare that in following,' in meeting, or in overtaking, in
the street, on the road, or in the field, at the theatre, the cofiee-house,
or at home, he had never overheard Americans conversing without the
word DOLLAR being pronounced between them. Such unity of pm'pose,
such sympathy of feeling, can, I believe, be found nowhere else, except,
perhaps, in an ant*s nest, "the result is exactly what might be antici-
pated This sordid object, for ever before their eyes^ must inevitably
produce a sordid tone of mind, and, worse still, it produces a seared
and blunted conscience on all questions of probity. I know not a
more stiiking evidence of the low tone of morality whidi is generated *
by this universal pursmt of money, than the manner in which tiie
New England States are described by Amerioans. All agree in
saying that they present a spectacle of industry and prosperity delight-
ful to behold, and this is the district and the population most constantly
quoted as the finest specimen of their admirable country; yet I never
met a single individual in any part of the Union who did not paint -
these New Englanders as sly, grinding, selfish, and tri<^ng. The
Yankees (as the New Englanders are oaljied) will avow these qualitiea
themselves with a complacent smile, and boast that no people on the
earth can match them at overreaching in a bargain. I have heard
them unblushingly relate stories of their cronies and fri^ds, whiefa^il
believed among us, would banish the heroes from 'the fellowship oC
honest men for ever ; and aU this is uttered with a simplicity wtoeh-
sometimes led me to doubt if the speakers knew what honor and
honesty meant Yet the Americans declare that "they are the most
moral people upon earth." Again and again I have heard this asserted^
not only in oonversatioi^ and by their writings^ but even from the
pulpit Such broad assumption of superior virtue demands examina-
tion, and after four years of attentive and earnest observation and
inquiry, my honest conviction is, that the standard of moral character
in the United States is very greatly lower than in Euix>pe. Of Aeiv

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ENGLISH WBITBM pV JOfEBIOA. Ill

rdigioii, M it Appeftn outwardly; I hare had o ew M nn to tpmk fre*
quentlj ; I pretend not to judge tbe lieavt^ but» irithout any QDofam*
taUe piSMumptiiHi, I mnBt take permueion to my, thai both ProtMlaiifc
England and Catholic Franoe show an Infinitel/tsuperior religions and
moval aspect to mortal obeerration, both as to rererend deeency of
external observance^ and as to the inward fruit of honest dealing
between man and man.

Mrs. Trollope being a native of England, descants of
course upon our style of dinners and parties, and being a
woman, she very good-naturedly introduces the ladies. The
gossiping female was ugly as well as fat, and should, there-
fore, be excused for what she says of ber own sex. Human
nature is very weak, and envy overwhelmingly predominant
in the female hemrt :

They seldom indulge in second courses, with all their ingeniona
temptations to the* eating a second dinner ; but almost every table has
its dessert (invariably pronounced desart), which is plaoed on the table
before the doth is removed, and co&sists of pastry, preserved froita^
and ereams. They are ** extravagantly fond/' to use their own phrase,
of puddings, pies, and all kinds of "dweets," particularly the ladies;
but are by no means such connoisseurs in soups and ragotlts as the
gastronomes* of Europe. Almost every one drinks water at table ; and
by a strange contradiction, in the country where hard drinking is
more prevalent than in any other, there is less wine taken at dinner ;
ladies rarely exceed one glaae^ and the great majority <^ females never
take any. In &ct> tbe hard drinking, so univeraaliy acknowledged,
does not take place at jovial dinners, but, to speak plain English, in
solitary dram-drinking. Coffee is not served immediately alter dinner,
but makes part of the serious matter of tea-drinking, which comes some
• hours later. Mixed dinner parties of ladies and gentlemen are very
rare, and unless several foreigners are preset, but little conviHwtion
passes at table. It certainly does net, in my opinion, add to the well
ordering a dinner table, to set the gentlemeu at one end of it^ and
the ladies at the other ; but it is very rardy that you find it otherwise.

There large evening parties are supremely dull; the men some-
times play cards by themselves^ but if a lady plays, it must not be for
money ; no ecart^, no chess ; very little music, and that tittle lamenta-

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113 SirOUBB ITSMS.

Uy bad. Among the bheki I heard eome goodTeiees nngiBg in tone;
bull floaneljr erer heard a white Amerieao, male or female, go throi:^h
an air intfaoot being eot of tone b^ore the end of it; nw did I «T«r
meet any trace of Beieiiee in the nnging I heard in Boeiety; To eat
inoonoeiyable quantities of eake» ice^ and {Mclded oyeten— and to show
half theur revenae in siUcft and aatini^ Beem- to be the chief object they
haye in these parties.

The most agreeable meetings, I was aontred by all tihe yonng
people, were those to winch no married women are admitted ; ef flie
trutli of this statement I haye not the least doubt lliese exelBstTe
meetings occur frequently, and oJCten last to a late hour; on these occar
sione^ I belieye, they generally danoe. At regular balls married ladies
are admitted, but seldom tajke much part in the amusement l^e
refreshments are alvrays profose and costly, but taken in a moA
vncomfortable manner. I haye known many priyate balls, where
eyery thing was on the most liberal scale of expense^ where the gentle-
men sat down to supper in one room, while the ladies took thetra,
standing, in another.

What we call pio^cs are Very rare, and when attempted, do not
often succeed well The two sexes can hardly mix for the greater part
of a day without great restraint and ennui ; it is quite contrary to
th^ genwal habits; the iayorite indulgences of the gentlemen
(smoking cigars and drinking spirits) can neitiier be indulged in with
decency, nor resigned with complacency.

The ladies haye strange ways of adding to their charms. They
powder themeelyes inunoderately, face, neck, and arms, witii pulyeiissd
starch; the effect is indescribably disagreeable by dayUght^ and ntA
yery fiiyorable at uiy time. They are also most unhappily partial to
&]ee hair, which they wear in surprising quantities; this is fiie more
to be lamented) 9b they generally haye yery fine hair of their own, I
sncqpAot this &shion to arise from an indolent mode of making their
toilet^ and from accomplished ladies' maids not being yery abundant ;
it is less trouble to append a bunch of waying curls here, there, and
eyery where, than to keep their natiye tresses in perfect order. * ,

Though tin expense of the ladies' dress greatly exceeds, in propor-
tion to their genenl style of liying, that of the ladies of Europe, it ia
rety &r (excepting in Philadelphia) from being in good taste. Th^
do not consult the seasons in the colors or in the style of their costume ;
I haye often shiyered at seeing a young beauty picking her way
through the snow with a pale rose-colored -bonnet set on the yery top
of her head.

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XMGUSH WRITEBS OH AUZRIOA. 118

She eTidently ^O0d not admire the dancing of our Ame-
rieab ladies, and regrets that there are not a greater number
of French dancing-masters among them. Oar men are good
looking;, but, like the ladies, do not understand the mysteries
of "' cartjing themselves " to Mrs. TroUope's satisfiiotion. I
Am espeeiailj sorry for this, as " comeliness " of our people is
abottt the only thing which Mrs. T. was pleased to think
psflsable.

I fiwcied I oould often trace a mixture of affectation and of •hynem
^n their little mincing unsteady step^ and the ever-changing pontion of
the hftnds. Hiej do not dance well : perhaps I should rather say they
do not look well when dancing ; lovely as their &ces are, they cannoly
in a position that exhibits the whole person, atone for the want of
ie^rmn% and for the universal defect in the formation of the bnst»
whidi is rarely full or gracefiilly formed.

I never saw an American man walk or stand well ; notwithstanding
their frequent nuHtia drillings^ they are nearly all hoUow-chested and
nmndnihouldered : perhaps this is occasioned by no officer daring to
■ay to a brother free-born " hold up your head ;*' whatever the cause,
the effect is very remarkable to a stranger. In stature, and in physiog-
nomy, a great majority of the population, both male and female, are
ctriking^y handsome, but they do not know how to do their own
1ion<Hrs ; half as much comelineas elsewhere would produce ten thnea
•8 much effect

I regret exceedingly that circumstances should preyent
tny enjoying the pleasure of presenting to my readers a few
extracts from Capt. Hall and Mr. Sickens, for although
they may be familiar with these authors, yet they probably
would not haye objected to perusing them a second time, as
they have well deseryed a place beside Mr. Feathersonhaugh
and Mrs. Trollope. But the extracts I have made will be
sufficient, with some that I shall add from the Quarterly
Review, for my purpose of illustrating the spirit of the
literary world towards us.

In the following extracts from *' Men and Manners in

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114 SNQUBH nsm.

America," by the author of "Cyril Thornton" and «The
Stranger in America," by Charles William . Janson, the
same tone is observable, though my readers are, perhaps,
less feimiliar with them than the preceding distinguished
commentators on our country :

Mm and Manners in America^ by the author of "• Cyril
Thornton."
Page 29:

Hy cariosity was somewhat excited by the hi^ reputation which
an actor, named Forrest^ has acquired in this country. I have since
seen this rara ayis, and, I confess^ the praise so profusely lavished on
him does appear to me somewhat gratuitous. He is a coarse, vulgar
actor, without grace, without dignity, with little flexibility of feature^
and entirely common-place in his conception of character.

Page 30:

Bonker^s Hotel, New-York.
Around I beheld the same scene of galping and swallowing as if
for a wager, which my observations at break&st had prepared me to
expect ; each individual seemed to pitchfork his food down his gullet

Page 116:

A traveller has no sooner time to look about him in Boston than
he receives the conviction, that he is thrown among a population of a
character differing in much from that of anj other city of the Union.

Observe him in every different situation, — at the funeral and the
marriage feast; at the theatre and the conventicle, in the ball-room and
on the exchange, and you will set him down as of G^d's creatures tbc^
least liable to be influenced by ciroomstances appealing to the heart vt
tiie imagination.

Page 126 :

There is nothing of local attachment about the New Englander. * *
The whole Union is full of stories of his cunning frauds and the impo-
sitions he delights to peQ>etrate on his more simple neighbors. When-
ev^ his love of money comes in competition with his zeal for religion^
th^ latter is sure to give way. He will insist <»i the sorapnlons obser-

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XNOUSH VBHSES OH iJISRIOA. 115

TBBce of 1^6 Sabbath, and eheat hii oufltomer Monday monung. • • *
The New Englanden are not an aimable people. One meets in them
much to approve, little to admire, and nothing to love. * * * Nature
in framing a Yankee seems to have given him double brains and half a
heart.

Page 169:

In truth every year must increase the perils of the Federal Ck>nsti-
tutien ; like otilier bubbles, it is liable to burst at any time, and the
world will then discover that its external glitter covered nothing but
wind.

Page 173:

The leader who gave the first powerful impulse to the democratic
tendencies of the Ck>n8titution. His countrymen call him greats but^ in
truth, he was only great when eompared with those by whom he was
surrounded. * * * We seek in vain in the writings of Jefferson for
indication of original or profound thought * * * He has been truly
called a good-hater. His resentments were not vehement and fiery ebul-
litions of passion burning fiercely for a time, and then subsiding into in-
difference or dblike. They were cool, fiendlike, and ferocious ; unsparing,
undying, unappeasable. The enmities of most men terminate with the
death of their object. It was the delight of Jefferson to trample on
the graves of his political, opponents.

Page 174:

The moral character of Jefferson was repulsivei OontinuaUy piding
about liberty, equality, and the degradiBg eurse^of slavery, he brought
lys own ohiidren to the hammer, and made money by his debandieriea.
Bven »t hb death he did not mammit his numeroas offipring; but left
them, soul and body, to degradation and the cart- whip. A daughter
of Jefferson's was sold some years ago by pubUc auction at New-Orleana^
and purchased by a society of gentlemen, who wished to testify, by her
liberation, their admiration of the statesman, *' who dreamt of freedom
in a skve's embrace." This single line gives more insight to the cha-
raster of the man than whole volnmes of panegyric. It will outlive
his «pitapb, write it who may.

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In liie present gencritioa of Americans I osn detect no symptom
of impioTing taste or increasing elevation of inteDeet

Page 196:

There is at this momoit nothing in the United States deserring the
name of lihraij. At present an American might study cTerj book in
the limitB of the Union, and still be regarded in many parts of Eorop^v
eipedafly Germany, as a man compantiTely ignorant

Page 224 :

I haTe already described the ball of the Be|nesentativ«& I wovH
now say something of the memben {ci GongressX Thdr aspeot^ as a
body, was certainly somewhat different from any idea I had formed of
a legidatiTe body. Many were weU-dressed, and of appearanee suffi-
ciently senatorial to satisfy the utmost demands even of a scTerer critM
in sudi matters than I pretend to be; but a large proportion nndoiApt-
edly struck me as yulgar and uncouth, in a degree which nothing in
my previous experience had {»epared me to expect It is impossible
to look at these men without at once receiving the conviction that they
are not gentlemen by habit or education, and assuredly in no soolcl^
in Europe could they be recttved as such.

Page 260:

Ma. BoBcnes*8 Sfbdch nr Gohobxbs. — Were it possible to give, any
valuable report of the speech, which of itself would fill a volume^ I
would willingly appeal to it as exemplifying the justice of every -blun.
der, both of taste and judgment^ whidi I have attributed to American
eloquence. There were ser^w of Latin and Shakspeare. There irere
words without meanings and meanings not worth tiie tronUe of dik
bodying in wordsw There were bad jokes^ and bad logics and argu-^
ments witiliout logic of any kind, lliere were abundance of exotw
graces and homebred vulg^ties; of eUborate illustrstiim, of estab-
lished tmthfl^ and vehement invective, and prosy declamation ; of coo*'
elusions without premise^ and premises that led to no conclusions; and
yet this very speech was the object of an eight days' wonder to tbe
whole Union. The amount of praise bestowed on it in the pnUlB
loumals would have been oondeinned as hyperbolical if applied to «&

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XNOUBH Wilms OH AlfKBIOA* 117

onttiim of DemoftiiMica Hr. Biiig«fli^ ftt the terminatioii of tbe i

warn feted at Keir-Yorik:; and Rhode Island exulted in the Terbal

prowew of the moet gifted of her eona.

Page 294:

I had never heard of Mrs. Trollope ; but at New-York I had after-
Wards the pleasure of beeoming acquainted with her, aod ean bear
^Hmonj to her conversation being imbued with all the grace, spirit^
and vivacity which have since delighted the world in her writings.
How £Btr Mrs. Trollope's volumes present a just picture of American
society it is not for me to decidei though I can offer willing testmumy
to the general fidelity of her descriptiona * * * But her claims to
this gratitude of the Oiaeinnatiana are undoubtedly very great Her
•rdutectual talent baa beautified the city, and her literary powers
have given it eelebrify. For nearly tlurty years CSnchmati had gradur
ally been increasing in opulence, and enjoying a vulgar and obsonro
pr<Mfenty ; com had grown, and hogs had fiittened ; men had buQt
houses, and women borne dbildren ; but in all the higher senses of
urbflsie existence Cindnnati was a nonentity. "It was unknown, un-
honored) and unsung.** Ears p<^to had never heard of it There was
not the glimmering of hope that it would be mentioned twice in a
twdvemonth on the Liverpool exchange. But Mn Trollope came^
and a zone of light has ever since en<uroled CincinnatL He inhabitants
are no longer a race unknown to fiune. Their manners^ habits^ virtual
tastes, vices and pursuits are known toidl Ae world; but^ strange to
say, the market-place of Cincinnati is yet unadorned by the statiM <A
the great benefinctress of the city.

Page 296:

In regard to the passengers (on the steamboat) tru^ compels me to
aay that any thing so disgusting in human shape I had never seen.
Tb^ morals, and thdr manners were alike detestable— a cold and cal-
Wos adfiahness^ a disregard of all the decencies of society, were so ap-
parent in foaftnre^ word, and action, that I found it impossible not to
visih tfaait thdr catalogue of sins had been enlarged by one more-—
hypocrisy. Of hypocrisy, however, they were not guilty. The con-
varsatiott in the c^^ was interlarded with the vilest blasphemy, noA
ntte«e4 in * itnte of mentsl ezdtemeiLt^ but with a eo6lness and defib-
I. tr^y fiendiyEe. There waa a BsEptiat clergyman on beiiMI, but

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his presence did not operate as a restraint The eoene <^ dfinldng and
gambling had no intermifleion ; it oontiiined day and Hi^bt The ci^
tain of the yessel, so far from diaoonra^g either yi^ wbb one <^ ti^e
most flagrant offenders in both. He was decidedly the greatest gam-
bler on board, and was often so drunk as to be utterly' ineapable of
taking command of the vessel • * * One circumstance may be
mentioned, which is tolerably illustrative of the general habits of the
people ; in every steamboat there is a public eomb and hairbrush, sus-
pended by a string from the ceiling of the cabin. These utensils are
used by the whole body of the passengers^ and their condition the
pen of Swift alone could describe. There is no tooth-brush ; simply,
1 1)elieve» because the article is entirely unknown to the American
toilet.

. Page 266:

On the following evening I attended the President's (General Jack-
son's) levee. Three — ^I am not sure four — ^large saloons were thrown
open on the occasion, and were literally crammed with the most sin-
gular and miscellaneous assemblage I had ever seen. * * * The
numerical majority of the company seemed of the class of tradesmen
and farmers, respectable men, fresh from the plough or the counter,
who, accompanied by their wives and daughtei's^ came forth to greet
their President and enjoy the splendors of the gala. There were also
generals^' and commodores, and public office]^ of every grade, and fo-
reign ministers, and members of Congress, and ladies of all ages and
degrees of beauty, from the fair and laughing girl of fifteen to the hag-
gard dowager of seventy. * * » There were mayors in broadcloth
and COTduroys, redolent of gin and tobacco, and mayors' ladies in ehints
or russet, with huge Paris ear-rings and tawny necks, profusely deeo-
rated with beads of colored gUsss. There were tailors from the board,
and judges from the bonch ; lawyers, who opened tiieir mouths at one
bar, and tapsters who closed them at another ; in short; every trade,
ealliog, crafty and profession, appeared to have sent delegates to this extra-
ordinaiy oonventi<m.* ♦ ♦ For myself, I had seen too much of the XThited
States to expect any thing different, and eertamly anticipated that the
mixture would contain all the ingredients I have ventured to describe.
Yet^ aflw all, I was taken by surprise. ^» ♦ ♦ There were present aft
this levee m^ begrimed witii all the sweat and filth accumulated ^
theie day^fr— perhaps their week's kher. There w«re sooty artificer

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frttk from iihe forge or tb« workshop ; and one indiTidual I raneoiber,
either a miller or baker, who, whereyer he passed, left marks o£ con-
tact on the garments of the company. The most prominent groups
however, in the assemblage was a party of Irish laborers^ employed on
some neighboring canal, who had evidently been apt scholars in the
doctrine of liberty and equality, and were determined on the present
o<Sca8ion to assert t£e full privileges of the great " unwashed." I re-
marked these men pushing aside the more respectable portion of the
company with a certain jocular audacity which put one in minct of the
humors of Donnybrook fair.

Page 279:

DoriDg the time I was engaged at the levee, my Benrant remained
in the hall, through which lay the entrance to the apartmentB occnpied
by the company, and the day following gave me a few details of a
scene somewhat extraordinary but sufficiently characteristic to merit
record. * * * It appeared that the refreshments intended for the
company, consisting of punch and lemonade, were brought by the ser-
vants^ with the intention of reaching the interior saloons. No sooner,
however, were these ministers of Bacchus descried to be approaching,
than a rush was made from within, and the whole contents of the trays
were seized in transitu by a sort of coup-de-main ; and the bearers^
having thus rapidly achieved the distribution of their refreshmentfl, had*
nothing for it but to return for a fresh supply. This was brought^ and
quite as compendiously dispatched ; and it at length became apparent
that^ without resorting to some extraordinary measures^ it would be
impossible to accomplish the intended voyage, and the more respectable
portion of the audience would be suffered to depart with dry ptUates»
find in utter ignorance of the extent of the hospitalify to which they
were indebted. The butler, however, "s^ an Irishman, and, in order
to baffle further attempts at intercepting the supplies, had recourse to
an expedient marked by all the ingenuity of his countrymen. ♦ ♦ *
He procured an escort, armed them with stieksy and, on his next ad-
vance, these men kept flourishing their skUlelahs around the trays with
such alarming vehemence that the predatory horde, who anticipated a
repetition of their plunder, wer^^ scared from their prey, and, amid
^ scene of execration and laughter, the refreshments^ thus guarded,
IMSOompliahed their journey to the saloon in safety.

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Pige346:

The inhabitants (of Georgia) bear a bad character in other parts of
the Union. Thej are, perhaps^ a little sayage and ferocions^ and, in
regard to morala^ one is tempted occauonallj to regret that the gibbet
is not abroad as well as the schoolmaster. From Fort Mitchell, I tra-
velled with three attorneys two storekeepers^ two cotton planters and
a dave deaI<H>. My notions of the sort of oonyersation prevalent in
Kewgaie may not be very aooorate, but I much doubt whether it
would be found to indicate such debaument^ both of thought and
prineiple^ as that to which I was condemned to listen during this
journey. Georgia receiyes large aocessions of population in the off-
soourings of other slaye States The restraints of law are little felt^
and it is the only State where I heard it pnbliely asserted that justice
is not purely administered.

The Stranger in Ainerica, by Charles William Janson.

Page9:

While at our first meal on board, a specimen of American e£Erontery
was given us by Bob^ the eook-boy, a sprig of a true>born Yankee,
who^ reaching his dirty arm across the table, took a tumbler and
deliberately filled it with equal parts of mm and water. He hx^ed
round, and fiuniliarly nodding his head, said, ** Good folks^ here's to
you."

Page 29:

At Boston they distil large quantities of that detestable spiiit called
N«w E&gland Bun. It is made of damaged molasses, and its baleful
effects are severely felt in every part of the Union. In Yixginia^ the
Gaiolinas^ and Georgia^ it foments quarrels^ which produce combat^
like bears and wolves^ gouging; biting; kicking, and tearing each other's
flesh, of which I shall make particular mention when I speak of thoae
Statea

Page 309:

On a branch of this river (the Alligator, m North GarolinaX in the
year I have already named, lived a wealthy planter, by name Joto
Foster. With this man I remained several days, and in him V^m ^

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aomething of a Southern Planter. * * * Mine host had led me over
the plantation, and we arnyed, almost exhausted from the efifecte of a
Bcorching sun, at the dinner hour. Our meal consisted of yenison and
a yai'iety of vegetables^ which we diluted with apple brandy and water.
This is a most detestable beyerage. • * * I had no choice of spirita^
find to drink water nndiluted is often of dangerous tendency. * * *
Thus is an AHigator tavern provided with liquors, and, in fact^ it was
as well supplied as any other place of public resort in the district* * *
A different circumstance produced on me^ while at dinner, more dis-
gust than even the fumes ci the deleterious drink. This was. the offi-
eious attendance of two wendies^ three-parts grown, without even the
oovenng our first mother made for herself after her expulsion from
Paradise. * * ♦ The effluvia arising from the body of a negro in the
Bi«>nth of July are by no means odoriferous ; hence I could have dis-
pensed with one of these placed, in compliment^ behind my chair. To
complete the scene, Mr. Foster's daughter, a fine girl of sixteen, dined
itt our table, and gave orders to the naked oreatures of her own sex
with the most perfect sang froid.

What I shall give from the Foreign Quarterly Review,
of January, 1844, is merely an example of the tone of the
fenodical and daily press towsurds us for years past, as those
wXL admit who have been familiar with that branch of Eng-
lish literature. The article referred to, is on the Poets of
America^ and oommenoes as follows: "American Poetry
always reminds us of the advertisement headed, ^ the best
substitute for silver ;' if it be not the genuine thing it
'looks just as handsome, and is miles out of sight cheaper.' "

We are far from regarding it as a just ground of reproach to the
innericans, that their poetry is little better than a far-off echo of. the
fttther-land ; but we think it is a reproach to them that they should be
^mally thniBting their pretensions to the poetical character in the
fiMe of educated nations. In this particular, as in most others, what
fliey want in the integrity of their assumption, they make up in
swagger and impudence. To believe themselves, they are the finest
jKMtB'in ^e whole world : before we close this article we hope to satisfy
tfaa veader that^ with two or three ezoepti6n% there is not a poet of
mark in the whole Unioa.

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A very origmal notioo of our moral sad ph jiuGal miture
is adyanced in the following :

They have felled forests, drained marshes, cleared -wilderaeBseai
bml^ cities, cut canals, laid down railroads (fcoo much of this too with
other people's money), and worked ont a great practical exempliilctf-
tion, in an amazingly short space of time, of the political immorafiticb
and social rices of which a democracy may be rendered capable.

There most be a national heart, and national sympathies, and on
intellectnal atmosphere for poetry. There must be the material t*
work npon as well as to work with. The ground must be pi*epared
before the seed is cast into it^ and tended and well-ordered, or it w9l
become choked with weeds, as American literature, such as it is^ is now
choked in every one of its multifarious manifestations. As yet the
American is^hom-handed and pig-headed, hard, persevering, unscnfpti-
Ions, carnivorous, ready for all weatheri^ with an incredible genius tot
lying, a vanity elastic beyond comprehension, the hide of a buffido, and
the shriek of a steam-engine ; ' a real nine-foot breast of a iellow, steiel
twisted and made of horse-shoe nails, the rest oi him being cost iroA
with steel springs.*

The subjoined picture of American society is highly
interesting, as it emanates from the leading British Period-
ical. It is often gratifying to know what our nei^bors
think of us. The English have been always ver^ candid:

Peopled originally by adventurers of all classes and caati^ Amtrim
has been consistentiy replenished ever since by the dregs and mrtfunti
of all other countries. Spaniards^ Portuguese, French and "Rn gli^
Irish, Welsh, and Scotch, have fi-om time to time poured upon h«r
coasts like wolves in search of the means of life, living fimn hand to
mouth, and slaruggling outward upon the free Indiana whom th«f
hunted, cheated, demoralised, and extirpated in the sheer luiy sC
hungry and fraudulent aggrandizement Catholics^ Unitariane^ Cal-
vinists and Infidels were indiscriminately mixed up in this work of
violent seizure and riotous colonization, settling down at last into wo>
tion^ democracies, bound together by a common interest^ and a
oommon distrust^ and evolving an ultimate Ibnn of self«govenunent
and federal centralization to keep the whole in check,

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iSm bfjgwd eoD&dentioii grew Uiger and l«rger ertfj day, wilSi
a rapidity uiiezampled in the history of mankind, by oontinoal acoea-
aiona from all parts of the habitable world. All it required to
strengthen itself was human muscles ; it lacked nothing but workmen,
craftsmen, blood, bonee^ and sinews. Brains were little or nothing to
the purpose-r-character» morality, still lem. " A long pull, a strong
pull, and. a pull altogether,'^ was the one thing needful. Eveiy new
hand was a help, no matter what brand was upon its palm. The
needy and dissolute, tempted by the prospect of g^in — ^the debased,
l^bid to escape from the old so<»ety which had flung them off^-ibe cri-
minal, flying flH>m the laws they had outraged — all flocked to America
-as an open haven of refuge for the Pariahs of the wide earth. Thus
her population was augmented and is daily augmenting ; thus her re-
publics are armed; thus her polite assemblies and select circles «*e
toDstantly enlivened by fresh draughts of kindred spirits and foreign
celebrities— the Sheriff Parkinses^ the General Holts^ the town-treasurer
Flinns^ the chartist secretary Campbells^ and the numerous worthies
who, having suooessfully swindled their own countrymen, seek an ele-
guit retirement in the free States of the Union to enjoy the fruitrof
ttteir plunder. The best blood America boasts of was inje<M^ inte
her at the time of the Irish rebellion, and she looks up with a justtfia^
ble pride^ taking into consideration the peculiar quality of her o4htf
ikmily and heraldic honors^ to su^ names as those ei Emmet and
ITNevin.

Oan poetry spring out of an amalgam so monstrous and revolting t
Can its pure spirit breathe an air so fetid and stifling ? You might as
reasonably expect the vegetation of the tropics on the wintry heights
•o£ La^^and. The whole state of American society, from first to last^
pi«sents insuperable obstacles to the cultivation of letters, the expansion
<tf intellect^ the formation of great and original nunds. l^ere is an
Intinctive tendency in it to keep down the spiritual to the level of
the material The progress is not upwards but onwards. There must
be no *' vulgar great ** in America, liffced on wings of intellectual power
al»ove the level of the community.

Our orators and ^tors appear to enjoy no brighter re-
putation with them than the mass of society—

The orator is compelled to address himself to the low standard of
tlie populace ; he must strew his speech with flowers of Billingagate

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with hyperbolical expletiree, and a gariush of lahehoods^ to moke it
effeetive, and rescue it from the chance of being serious or refined. The
preacher must preach down to the &shion of his congregation, or lo<^
elsewhere for bread and deyotion. The newspaper editor must make
his Journal in&mous and obscene if he would have it popular; for let
it never be supposed that the degradation of the 4m^icai^ press is the
work of the writers in it, but of the frightftd eagerness of the public,
appetite for grossneas and indeoencjr.

How conyeniently oblivious tbe learned reviewer appeara
to be of those passages in our history, in whioh England so
conspicuously figured. He may possibly though never have
heard of the Revolution, or the war of 1812 ; and may be
ignorant that such battles as Yorktown and New Orleana
have ever lleen fought : —

One grand element is wanted for the nurture of the poetical eha-
ni«4er in America: — she has no traditiona She started at once into
life, rude, rugged, savage, self-confident She has noting to finll back
updii in her history — ^no age of gold-^no fabulous antiquity — ^no fiury-
land. The want of historical elements is supplied by the intensity of
the glorification. The two great subjects are Liberty and tlie Indians.

They don't admire the subject of ^ Liberty and the In-
dians."

Two more unfortunate topics could not have been hit upon. All
men are bom equal, says the decLai*ation of independence ; we are the
fpsest of the free» says the poet; and so the slave-owner iUustratet the
proposition by traffi<Udng in his own sons and daughters^ and enlargjiift
his seraglio to increase his live stock. He is bis own lusty breeder of
«qual-bom men. A ourioua instance of American liberty is cited by a
traveller, who informs us that he knows a lady residing near Washiagw.
ton, who is in the habit of letting out her own ntftural brother I As
to the Indian^ nothing can exceed the interest these writers take in
their picturesque heads and flowing limbs—except the interest they
take in their lands. Nobody could ever suspect^ while reading these
fine effusions upon the digi^ity and beauty of the Indians^ that they
were written by people^ through whose cupidity, fiJsehood and cruelty,
the Indians have been etripped of tii^r possessionfl^ and left to starve

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nod pot ; t)ia;t while they were thus evindi^ the tendereet regi^ for
the Indian nations in octoejllafaic vene, Congreas was engaged, through
its Beryants^ in suborning Indian chiefs and making them dmi^ to
entrap them i^to deeds of sale of their hunting grounds ; and, as if
these and similar atrocities were not enough to mark the difference
between the poetry and the policy of the States^ importing blood-
homids from Cuba to hunt the Indians of Florida I It is quite impoe-
sible to account for the incredible folly which tempts them to indulge
in such themeS) unless we refer it to tiie same infatuation which makes
them boast of their morality in the face of their filthy newspaper 'pretB,
mid of their honesty in the teeth of poeket-pieking Pennsylvania.

Speaking of some of our national songs, lie says :

This eitanding invitation to go to war, although there be no foe to
fight withal, hits off with felicity the empty bluster of the national
eharacter. The call upon the "immortal patrtots" to '*rise once more**
is sung at all hours in every comer of the Union by men, women, and '
ebildren ; and it is very likely that every day the ** heaven-bom band **
get up out of their beds they believe they are actually nung onee more
to defend their rights and their shore. This is tibe key to the popu-
larity of "Hail, Columbia." It flatters the heroic qualities of the
people, without making any further requisition upon their valor than
that they shall implicitly believe in it themselves. *' The Star-span|^ed
Banner ** is constructed on the same principle, and blows the " heaven-
bom** bubble with equal enthusiasm; dosing with the vivacity of
a. cock that knows when to crow on the summit of its odoriferous hilL

Here is another condensed commentary on our soeieiy
and manners :

' These are genuine samples of the cook-a-doodle-doo style of vTarlike
ballads. But the most remarkable writer of this class was Bobert
Fsine^ a heaven*>bom gen^ who isi said to have rmned himself by his
love of the '* wine-cup ** — ^which is Amenoan for mint-julep, and gin-
sling. He was so depraved in his tastes, and so insensible to the ele-
&^nt aspirations of his family, as to marry an actress I It is amusiog
and instructive to learn fi*om the American editor that this monstrous
iiiii<Ai between two professors of two kindred arts was regarded #ith
«Ml»fented horror in the vepobiiean tkr^ea, as to lead to poor Fisine's

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"ezdoBioii from fa^umMe Bocieiy, and to • diflagreemeiit w{& hk
fiitikenwhicb lasted tm his d«ath I" The lalse nature of all this is as
•trikiiig as its p$eudo fine breeding ; and it showB how mHoh bigotiy
fod intoleraiiee majr be packed under the sur&ee of a large pretension
to liberalitj and social justice. Certainly, there is nothing so yulgar
and base as American refinement — nothing so coarse as American deH-
caoy — ^nothing so tyrannical ays American freedom.

Bead his summing-np on American literature :

Stepping out of the literature of England into that of America, is
Eke going back twenty- years into a sort of high-life-below-stairs resus-
eitation of tilie style of that period.

The foUowing ooenrs in his closing paragraph :

Literature is^ consequently, the least tempting <^ all conceivable
pursuits ; and men must float with the stream, and lire as they pan
with the society in whik^ they have been educated. Even were tibo
moral materials by which tiiis vast deposit of human dregs is supplied,
other than they are-— purer, wiser,' and more refined, — still Am»erisa
eould not originate or support a literature of her own, so long as l^ng-
lish productions can be imported free of cost^ and circulated through
tiie Union at a cheaper rate than the best productions of the country.

And yet there areAmerieans, who, in order to extenuate
their senseless devotion to England, will obstinately close
their eyes to the fact that such things have been written of
ns in the " &therland.'' But when they are compelled to
remember that an article, rich in such extracts as the pre-
ceding, has appeared at the head of the leading Quarterly of
Great Britain, they will scarcely dare contend that English-
men tenderly love us. The simple statement of so absurd a
proposition must at once become its refutation.

When the learned and elegant " Foreign Quarterly" can
descend to such epithets as are so profusely applied to us in
the above extracts, it is unnecessary to cull ^ Flowers^of
BilUng^ate " from the more lioeiitioas daily press. When

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Keatberstoiihaagb, TroUope, and Hall, hare made their re^
puiations, and Bkkens increased his, by such slanderous
attaeks on America, it is natural that thej shonld hare
crowds of humble imitators in their calumnious slang. But
I shall dismiss English writers, and turn to some of their
specified accusations.

If spitting be, as the Englicdi fain would have it, a na-
tionality, let us boldly spit it into respectability. Our own
timorous apologies for this heinous sin of expectoration, only
encourages our rivals to lecture us upon it. I am no adro-
cate of the habit, but at war as I consider it to be with good
taste, I am willing to see it carried to excess, if but to set
at defiance the impertinent criticism of Englishmen. I of-
ten feel heartily inclined to become a tobacco-chewer my-
self^ in order to show my individual contempt for these offi-
cious meddlers. Who appointed them moral regulators of
our domestic economy 1 or what right have they to interfere
with our practices, whoever they may be 1 Their presump-
tion is founded on our condescending to deprecate their at-
tacks.

In what does it concern John Bull, if each Western far-
jser, and Soutliem planter, should be pleased to fill with
tobacco juice a pool, that would float a whole hogshead of
the weed ? He might not approve of it, he might even be
dis^gusted by it, but I would have him taught better manners
than to sneer at it. I am willing that our spitting should
be a source of annoyance to him, but not of contempt. When
we have taught him to entertain a proper respect for us, he
will discuss with considerate caution even what we ourselves
may be willing to confess a fault. When he is convinced
that we have attained such a position in the world, as to
enable us even to spit with impunity, he may still attack the
habit, but will no longer attempt to ridicule it.

Although I am a strong believer in every individual's

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being permitted to do what happens to be most in aceof d-
ance with his own fancy, provided he does not interfere wi^
the rights of his neighbors, yet, as I sai^ before, I am no ad*
vooate of the peonliarly free-and-easy habit of tobacco-
chewing. I regard it as being inconsistent with that scmpii-
lous neatness in household arrangements, which is ^e bftSis
of true elegance. I believe it is ofben most inconvenknt to
him who indulges in it ; but for the life of me^ I cannot dis-
cover any thing about it so especially offensive. I contefiFd
that it is superlatively disgusting to the English, merely be-
cause it is an American habit. Hating us with an intensity
that helpless rage can only know, it is their chiefest deligkt
to cavil at us. And finding nofhing more serious to object
to, our earlier traducers seised upon this, and each hireling
caterer to the morbid feeling against America in England,
attempts a facetious improvem^t on the stereotyped jokes
of his predecessors. By constant exaggeration, a simple ha-
bit has grown into a great bugbear, %hose terrcovs no Eng-
lishman, who crosses the Atlantic, ever omits to enlarge upott.
What after all is there so unbearably revolting about spit-
tle ? Our Saviour in one of his earlier miracles ^ spart ^i
the ground, made clay of the spittle, and anointed the ey0s
of tho blind man with the day." " And he said unto him,
go wash in the pool of Siloam. He went his way therefore,
and washed, and came seeing." I have with a crowd of |ftl-
grims gone down to drink from this very pool, for the water
had borrowed new virtue from the miracle.

A spittoon is certainly rather an unsightly sort of an ar-
ticle, but I have no recollection of ever being seriously af-
fected, by witnessing the ejection of the amber colored
juice, by the most inveterate devotee to the weed. Bmt
admitting that the leniency with which I regard tobaeoo
chewing, is the result of prejudice, and that the habit is as
stomach-tuniing aa the English profess to consider ii^ I

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•mi ooDtend that ite terrors ate bei^leaed bj bmng 111O0I
prevale&t in America. Other nationB kaye peculiarities ; in-
ioitely more trying to mawkishly delicate sensibilities than
the chewing of tobacco, which are not only passed over with-
«ttt condemnation, bni English travellers pride themselves
npoQ the- ease with which they conform to them. The Eng-
lish at home are gnilty of things positively nanseating, yet
the stoniest among them, who wonld pretend great indiffer-
ence to a whizzing cannon balL professes to be faintishly af-
ieieted by the sight of a tobacco cfaid.

What could be better calculated, under ordinary cir*
eumstances, to destroy an appetite^ though as vigorous as
•a Englishman's, than to see some awkward lout ^t>ping
with his thumb for the stuffing of a turkey, or dabbling in
ihe gravy with his fingers ? Yet what upstart islander has
ever preached a crusade against the Turks, because they
did n<)t introduoe knives and forks at their tables, but primi-
tively preferred their''' pickers and stealers.'' . la tius in-
•taace, his railing weuld have a dash of patriotism and com-
iBOn sense about it ; for if saccessfulj he might materially
lAorease the trade of Sheffield by his efforts. But so far
from his objecting to the Oriental style of feeding, a chapter
lii almost every English book of travels in the East, is de-
^poted to the infinite grace with which the author sat cross-
legged, and took his Ibod with his fingers.
. In Parb, at the end of a dinner, a small oup of p^-
fumed water is placed before each guest, with which he is
^pected thoroughly to rinse bis mouth, and then spirt, de-
posit, or let &11 the water — whichever term you prefer —
in .a silver basin which accompanies ii So far from an
Saglishman's discovering any thing objectionable about this
habit, he highly approves it, and is rapidly introducing it
into Xi^and. . Kezt to ihe d^ighi enjoyed dmring his din*
noBf BOthkig appears to affi>rd ham so high a degree of satis-

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180 SHousa mmu

faction, as this tather too French operation alber it Al-
though I have reason to suspect — ^from the fact of water
being scarce in Paris, and the contents of the little cups
always being highly unctuoos to the touch — ^that the per-
fumed water famished at the caf6s washes more than one
mouth during the day ; yet an Englishman rejoices in ite
use, and still professes, like the Turks, to make deanlioesit a
part of their religion. If spitting be objectionable on gen-
eral principles, it seems to me that, as little fasUdioas as I
am, I might be excused for coniudering it disgusting at iabk.
But although the femininely frail nerves of an En^shman
instantly become relaxed in the presence of a spittoon oit
the floor in America, yet he deems the same artiete an ap-
propriate ornament of a dinner table in France. This seem-
ing contradiction is perfectly accountable. One custom »
American, the other French. France assumes, and main-
tains the privilege of setting the fashions for the politer
portion of the world, and of course what she does, however
absurd or disgusting, is necessarily in accordance with good
taste. But America being, even according to her own eon-
fession, but the modest imitator of England, must expect lo
be laughed at by her distinguished modeL <

It has often afforded me great amusement in ^ cafteof
Paris, to watch the movements of a newly-arrived John
Bull, eager to assume the deliberate air of a man of travel
and observation. His extraordinary attempts at the names
of the French dishes — ^his frequent calls for the gmcon^ fts
he usually pronounces the name — ^his multitudinous wants,
and his sputtering rage when everything was not done to his
satisfaction, were all ludicrous in the extreme. But it waa
the climax of the funny to see him, at the end of his ampk
repast, seize his little cup of water, and gaze profoundly
into it. With a sigh of secret satisfaction, he wouM swig
three-fourths of its contents at a gulp, roll it in his motttii

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BNOLISH WRtTSBS ON AHEBlCA. 101

«ith frigktfbl contortions of feature^ and a gargling Bound
of 8emi-saffo€ation, and then sqnirt into his basin, or rather
4qpitl»on, a eascade worthy of a sea-sick toper. It was very
-^Tery rich. The simply disgusting became^ in his hands,
-ittogbable. One forgot his loathing in his merriment. But
-tfcis same oockney coxcomb, who seemed to pride himself on
•th« size and force of the stream he could throw at the din-
ner-table, would have instant recourse to his vial of aroma-
tic vinegar upon the most unobtrusive getting-rid of super-
flum»s saliva, by an American in the street. As I said be-
,fo]9e, the former habit is French^ and so conducive to clean-
liness. To rinse one's mouth before leaving table is i^er-
tainly not a comely habit to look upon, though it is, without
doubt, very French, and very clean. Using the same argu-
ment, it might be declared that the vulgar habit of a man's
blowing his nose with his fingers was, in the abstract, much
oleaner than using a handkerchief, and carefully stowing it
4kway in his pocket. But I scarcely think that even the
most adventutous of Frenchmen would, on this account,
-advocate the introduction of the custom into refined circles.
In theory it may be clean to do, but it is decidedly not
pleasant to see. And so I think of the Parisian habit of
rinsing the mouth at table — British advocacy to the con-
trary, notwithstanding.

Nature has wisely placed the nose as a sentinel to the
stiimach, and whatever is offensive to one, we may be sure is
mot proper for the other. And yet the elegant gourmands of
England contend that venison is not fit to be served till the
very waiter must hold his nose at it, as he places it on the
ta)>le. The daintiest epieures will greedily devour pheasants
and partridges which have picked themselves, merely because
the flesh has become too ^' short'' to retain the feathers.
Yet these bold Britons, who have from their infancy, in vio-
lation of nature's laws, loaded their stomachs with such loath-

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las

mane oramiaings, profess tkat tkor isMitate nrnmr are en-
dued Vfiih sensibilities so delicate, tliat they are painfoUj af-
fected by the sight of a little tobaooo-jtdoe. Gould affeotatiou
be more abaurd, or contradiction more ridiculous 7 I would
-as soon think of a brick's being dweolved by the sight of mart
tar, as an Englishman's stomach being turned by the sigh*
of any thing. It's much the firmest part about him.

But in ccmdusion of this not very interesting sabjeol^
if we in America must spit, let us spit out eourageouriy ber
fore the whole world. There is nothing* to be ashamed of
in it, and even if there was, our attemping to spit by steahh
would only inyite new attacks from our enemy, by this im*
plied confession of a fault.

Many things are judged of in this world, by the manner
in which people do them. Nothing (mn be more opposed to
the loosest notions of morality, and chivalry, than stealii^
Yet what Christian, or modern hero professes to despise
the Spartans, as a nation of thieves? And why do they not
do so, as theyHOUght,.in accordance wit^ their moral profe^
' sions ? Simply because the Spartans gloried in thefi A
seared dog with a tin pan to his tail will always hare the
whole pack of village curs at his heels, but if he turns upon
them his assailants pause ere they attack him.

So I beseech again, let us spit fearlessly and profuseiy*
Spitting, on ordinary occasions, may be regarded by a por^
tion of my oountarymen as a luxury : it becomes a doty ia
the presence of an Englishman. Let us spit around him— »
above him — ^and beneath him — every where but on him, thai
he may become perfectly familiar with the habit in all of it»
phases. I would make it the first law of hospitality to an
Englishman, that every tobacco twist should be called into
requisition, and every spittoon be flooded, in order thoroughly
to initiate him into the mysteries of '' chewing." Leave no
room for his imagination to work. Only spit him onee into

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■S&U8H WnrBBS OW AMSHIOA. Ml

« flteie ef firkndly femiliaritj wfth tlie Wbarooft ettttom^ and
ke will be but too happj to maintain a profonnd silenee on
ih« subject fcHr the rest of his life. I woald give eaeh hurry*
lag tourist, who lands on onr shores, iniated by pree<moeiTed
opini<»8 for an abosiye book on America, his fill of spitting*
Mr an inf alliUe remedy for his windinesa Let the dose be
eopious, and ^e enre will be eompleta If no more desiiable
end be attained by the prescription, we shall at leaat be
allowed to spit in peace.

After the notable habit of saUyariaing, there is noihipg
about Americans so constantly harped upon' by Englbhmea^
as their precipitate ru£^ to the table, and even greater hurry
to leave it. The general stampede for the table, which I
aaknovlec^e sometimes occurs on steamboats, and in interior
towns, but never . in our cities, I most emphatically dis^
prove of. Such baste is too indicative of the camivorous
prc^ensities of the English th^nselves, to be at all in ac*
eordance with my rigidly American notions. But what
reasonable objection could be urged to a gentleman's quietly
leaving a public dinner-table, when his wants were satisfied,
it would, without English assistance, be somewhat difficidit
to divine. An Englishman objects to the haste with which
we dispatch so important an a&ax.ta dinner. B^ng him-
self endowed with the voracity of a shark, tiie gissard <^ an
ostrioh, and ^Hhe dilating powers of the anaeonda," he
imagines that evwy one most, from necessity, gorge his food
as he does himseli To any man who has ever tak^i the di*
mensions of an Englishman's appetite, it can no longer be
a matter of surprise, that with him feeding becomes a very
serious sort of imdertaking. It is one of those things which^
like ^e "cooling" of a steamer, necessarily requires time,
and which, not even ihe hurry of coal-heavers could decidedly
facilitate.

The prooesB of ^ bdting food," so muuiteiy elaborated on

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184 XKOLUB mils.

l^ Bn^idtotn, I hare nerer aeen in any portion of 6»

oonntry, though these six-week trarellers, more fortunate
than myself^ appear to hare met with it everywhere. Bnt
in Eng^d I have witnessed this bolting operation, wb&eh
I immediately reoognised as the original of pietnres of
imaginary scenes in Am^ica drawn by Englishmen. Arnd
yet I never knew an Anglo-Dane-Sazon-Norman to make «
hasty meal. Shovel his food as he may, it is nevertheless a
slow operation — so is levelling a moontain.

Although the dinner-table is the scene of an English*
man's most extraordinary exploits^' he has the bad taste not
to be proud of them, though Heliogabalus himself migh*
justly have been so. Although a glutton by nature, yet
strangely enou^ he is sensitive on the subject of his glut*
tony. He cannot endure that the moderate appetites and
simple wants of another nation should render his own greedi*
ness so oonspieuous. He has attempted therefore to foree
them into at least an affsetation of his peculiar habits, by
railifig at the haste with which they take their meals.

It seems to me that the time allowed for dinner in our
prmoipal towns and cities, ot^ht to be ample for the sads-
iaetien even of a British appetite. But it appears that'thia
is not so. Every book of travels which is given to the woiidr
after twenty days' dose study and minute observation of «
country, nearly equal in extent to the whole of Europe,
teems with piteous complaints of the hurry with whidbt the
author was compelled to take his dinner. He appfu?ently
demands even a longer time for his meals in America than is
required in his own country — ^this may be aeeounte4 for by
the fact, that in England a man pays for each arUde be
orders — whi^^h is measured out with mathematical exact-
itude. An Englishman's economy, under such circumstances,
neutralizes his voracity. But in America, where a sumptuous
display of viands is made, to which he has never been aecus-

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KHGLI6H WBirnS Cm AMSSIOA. 185

inmed, aad lAere he e&joja the privilege of fftd&ng faimself
to liiB utmost ca(pacit J, without an increase of expense, he
Tery naturally feels inclined to improve his opportunities,
•smL lix^ees at the tahie accordingly. His expressions Of
jprief are so earnest, and his lamentations so touching, that
from my heart I pity him. I cannot resist the temptation
of suggesting, that an English dining-room be fnmudied in
our j^ineipal hotels, where hungry Islanders may sociably
^pend the day in s manner most in accordance with their

Americans really eat with no more haste than English-
men,— *the difference in the time, demanded for dinner by
the two nations, arising ait(%ether from the difference in the
quantity of food consumed. As an Englishman eats three
times as much as an American, rt is evident from calculation,
that even with the assistance of the English habit of " bolt-
jug," he must remain a considerably loiter time at table.
The travelled fox lost his tail, and earnestly advised his
fellow-foxes to follow the newly imported fashion. An Eng-
lishman dwells <m his dinner, like an enraptured lover on a
kiss, and wishes to force all the world into acknowledging
the same ecstatic bliss in its enjoyment. Because he him-
self is. transported by the exoitMnent of eating, he would
have every body else experience the same table mithusiasm.

A common charge againdt Americans is their ^ excessive
l^e of money," and ^inordinate greediness lor gain." We
sometimes '^ talk of dollars" in America, and are actually
guilty of exerting ourselves to make them. What presump-
tion in Bepublioans ! Trying to attain that which consti*
tutea the power of the English M*istocraey. If making
money had been a crime, the present nobility of Ei^land
would'have all bem residents of New South Wales-r&s their
ancestors would undoubtedly have been transported thi^er.
What was it that made most of ti^ir progeoitoarswortlQr of

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l$6

being emiobMt WbaA is it Oat flVBteiiMi tke importaaM
of the preselit nobility — ^but money? AYid how was thii
yital spark of aristooraoj (^i^nallj acquired unlefls it was
worked for ? A few noUe fiunUies, 'tis true, owe their weaMk
to what in England is eonndered the rare good fortmie of
haying the illegimate sons of a king for anoestors. A stil
smaller number are indebted for their importanee to the
plunder of Saxon churls bj Norman invaders. But the
large majoritj of the founders of the present titled fiunilna
of Great Britain must have toOcd most manfully for the for-
tunes, which formed the basis of their earliest distuietioii.
The 430 noble personages of England giye tone to publie
s^itimait, — they think — ^they speak — ^they act for the natioK
The great mass of the people have no <^inion — ^no voice of
their own. And when the nobility inveigh against tiiose
attanpting to make fortunes, the entire people echo the sag^
sentiment — but none so noisily as the merdiants and tradm^
men, who have already, by dint <^ struggling «id hoarding,
become rich enough to retire from business, and entertaus
vague hc^s of being ennobled some day themselves.

These 430 drones, hiving on the wealth which the liAor
of others has amassed, never omit an opportunity of sneeriag
at those engaged in the acquisition of riehes. Enjoying i»-
comes themselves of from fiffcy thousand to three nuUious oi
dollars, they can well afford to condemn money-making as
unworthy. And all the rich citisens and popular jourmafa
cry ^^ hear ! hear ! " as if an otacle had spoken. No pursoit
is dishon(»able, unless the object pursued be base. And if
money-makiii^, in some honorable occupation, be so shame-
fully unworthy, then the nobility must be the quintessenee
of baseness, for money, as £ said b^ore, gives vital power to
their order. What would they be without it? What is a
title, Without a fortune to maintain it? A mockery, 'whidb
the very mob hoots at But notwithstanding their ostenta-

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ikma ^rofesmns of contempt for kiere, the aristoeraoy know
the real Talae of monej, and are jealo«uB that people beyond
th«ir own wcle dioiild possess it. Henee their zeal to eon-
tinoe the world, Uiat any active pnrsait, in which nu^ej is
to be made, is di^onorable. To rival them in fortune is to
lAare their power, — ^to surpass Hiem, would be to destroy
iheir pctesent monopoly of influence. Is it smrprising then,
4hat they should constantly cause crusadeis to be preached
against money-makmg ? What could be more Mwurd, than
4km pretended indifference to money, and contempt for its
aeekers?

When mon^-making is confined to the sordid passion
mf aeeomulation, when the wretched miser pinches himself
tmd grinds erery body else to enjoy the mean gratiflcation
«f gloating orer heaps of shining metal, I cordially assent
to the stnetures, which in all countries and every age have
been passed on avarice. But so far from this most degraded
of pasmons beii^ common in America, our cittzens are too often
dartitute of a beomning sense of economy, and run into the
other extreme of extravagance. It is true that almost every
wna in America is engaged in some active pursuit. In a
eoontry yet young, and almost entirely <^ficient in Uiose
eonvenient haunts for idlers, tiie parks, the clubs, the drives,
the promenades, and all the possible varietieSvOf amusement,
«ireii those who could live without it, seek occupation as a
flooree of enjoyment. We cannot escape the original curse
tiuit man should earn his bread by the sweat of his brow ;
tzertion of some sort is essential to existence, and no man
eaabe contented, unless he is, or imagines himself ta be, em-
]doyed. I cannot conceive a more dreary sort <^ ezistenoe
^an a mere idl^ in most portions of America, deprived as
he is- of the elegant means of killing time,^ich are provided
for the various aristocracies of Europe. Yet many, with
BOitakeB^ notions ^ aristocracy, subuHi to tl» penanDOof

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198 svaifiw tiBMs.

idlenetts, in ofrder to ftppear genteel. If gentility esn pre-
sent no higher efadme to eoniideration, I fear it will nerear
floarish in America. What conld be more ridionkrae than
a man's boring himself bj doing nothing, menly to ape the
aristoeratic indolenoe of the nobility <^ Europe, where tibe
idlest of men can be the most bnsily engaged in the Goimt>-
less pleasures which snrrennd him ? But that Americans ai>e
generally so wedded to business as to have no timc^ for the
ordinary enjoyments of life, is glaringly untrue. We con-
stantly find them indulging in those taote refined pleasures
which are only enjoyed by the strictly aristocratic cir^s of
England. Money is <mly vi^uable to them on account of
the comforts and the enjoymmts it procures. Large for^
tunes by inheritance are comparatively unknown in Amerioa,
, tiie Others of our Republic having overthrown the aristo-
cratic law of primc^eniture as inimical to our instttutiona
Almost every man with ua must start in life with the manly
consciousness that he has his own fortune to make. Anid
any young gentleman who is so verdant as to doubt thitt
^ ready money " is " Aladdin's lamp," should be sent to Eng-
land to complete his education. When he witnesses 4fa*
miracles it works there, his skepticism will be removed- 1
am very sure. One distinguished bard has declared thft
" love rules the camp, the court, the grove." But Byro%
more familiar with the domestic economy of €freat Britaiui
says, that "ca*A rules love, the ruler," and therefore ruka
the world.

The young men of most wealthy families in America are
reared with tastes that their inheritances cannot suppovt»
But those young Americans who are prepared by ediv^ation
and early association for the enjoyment of the luxurious in*
dulgences which fortune only can procure, not being so lucky
tm the youthful nobles of England^ who have their fortunes
^eady mAde to their hands, must sidike boldly out^and lab^

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■NOLI8H WRifnta czr amsbiox, 189

ii>f the means of indulgiBg the elegant tastes of educated re-
finement. And the snob who is so snobbish as to sneer at
a young gentleman so engaged, deserves to be crowned chief
of the fraternity. Btxt although young Americans exert
themselves with laudable energy in the acquisition of fortune,
yet they spend it with a liberality altogether unknown in
Bngkmd. I have closely observed my countrymen both at
home and abroad, and I have invariably found them living
with* a profusion far surpassing that of the moneyed circles
of Great Britain of ten times their income. So far are they
from deserving the oft-repeated charge of sordid meanness,
that their liberality in proportion to their resources would
be condemned in England as reprehensible extravagance.

But this very objectionable mania for lucre, of which
Englishmen so unjustly accuse us, is not only prevalent in
their own middle classes, but is found in its most animated
perfection among the nobility themselves. Those who have
the candor to inquire, will find the commercial circles of
Great Britain so inveterately wedded to their business as to
be deprived of all those enlightened amusements which even
ordinary wealth could procure them. They allow their
dreams of riches to be interrupted by no pleasing relaxations,
except equally halcyon visions of dinner. They are not
satisfied with a competent independence. They persevere
in slaving and hoarding, till they have amassed a fortune im-
mensely greater than is ever Enjoyed by Americans, except
in extremely isolated cases. Buried in the dark lanes of
* the city," they are as integral portions of their couhting^
rooms as the high stools or the iron safe. They hear no
news but the rise and fall in stocks, and have no conversa-
tion except on the past and probable variations in the price
of " stuff." They read no books but the ledger, and feel no
interest in any thing but their cash. When that '^ balances,"
tikey are as happy as Uieir natures are capable of being.

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140 -.XKCtUSB 1TEMB.

The mierior of a theatre is wholly nBlmoim to them, aad
an opera is something they have yet to hear. Thek ideas
of amusement are concc^tri^ted in the occult scienee of
^ hook^ceeping by double entry." Their only exeitement in
counting money — ^their only grief is its loss. They go te
church to carry their wife's prayer book, and sum up hmg
calculations of last week's profits. The disturbances ia
France are only regarded as active causes of depression of
public credit and the price of rich silks. ^ The summary"
by the last steamer from America possesses no charm for
them beyond the probable decline of cotton, or a reported
advance in pork. Their education consists in writmg a round,
commercial hand, calculating compound interest, and being
able to cipher in ^^ the double rule of three." They neve?
bother their heads by conjectures as to whether the eturth »
square or oblong ; they know nothing, and Care less, about
the motions of the heavenly bodies, except that the decid-
ing sun indicates the hour for going to dinner ] they have
no intercourse with their fellow-beings beyond the formaU<>
ties of a business transaction ; and were never known to
manifest a friendship except for the warehouse cat ; they have '
no time to talk, and never write except on business ; all
hours are ^' office hours " to them, except those they devote
to dinner and to sleep ; they know nothing, they love notii"
ing, and hope for nothing beyond the four walls of thek
counting-room ; nobody knows them, nobody loves them;
they are too mean to make friends, and too silent to make
acquaintances ; they are as methodical, as uninteresting as
their own day-book^ their only aim in life is to make
money ; their only exertion is to avoid spending it ; and
whei^, in the decline of a life of privations, they do retire from
the harassing toils of business, it is to grumble in monosylla-,
bic spleen at their superiors, and to make ostentatious dona"
tions to churitable institutions, for which they are never

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XNGUSH wtaxsm oir America. 141

tbanked ; they sink ioto the grave uaWed and nnmoarned,
leaving avast fortune to 'some selfiBh son, who has all his
life been ashamed of his father, and will nse his money to
purchase a position from which he may look down with scorn
ofi all merchants and tradespeople. I am not surprised
that English ezolnsives should sneer at the commercial
elasses of America, if they imagine that oar merdiants re-
aemhle their own.

The same grasping greediness is constantly manifested
- hy the nobility, notwithstanding their enormous fortunes by
inheritance. There is no office they will not sue for — no po»
attion they will not accept, which gives promise of profit.
The ermined robe of a Peer, like the blue gown in Scot-
land^ coD^Brs oh its lucky wearer the privileges of a licensed
beggar. This is no ordinary advantage in a country where
Qommon beggars are so severely punished. The sinecure
positions under government, and the pension lists, are the
poor-house unions, established for the accommodatioii of
iiDUe mendicants. In their applications for " relief," their
Lc^ships unite the whining perseverance of the ordinary
pauper, with the sturdy intrepidity of the highwayman.
The vile street-beggars may be summarily disposed of, and
i^ white^^waisteoated oitisen never hesitates to relieve himself
And the public from their importunities, by depositing in-
formation at ih» polide office. But unfortunately the^e is
BO arbtocratie house of correction, to which importunate
iMbks may be consigned, when they become troublesome in
their appHcadons. Partly by ui^ent soHdtation, and partly
by pertinaciouB bullying, they generally obtain what they
doffibre from government, however unreasonable and incon-
venient their demands may be. Search througb the profit-
able sinecures and ^ oj^ressHve pensions, and you will find
them all monopoliaed by their noble Lordships themselves.
flssnane t^e army and navy Hsts, and it will be seen

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I^at ike oommissio&iB in tiie Royal regiments, with liigli pay
and noihiDg to do, and the prominent eommands in the naval
service, whioh juetlj belong to older and abler sailors, have
all been s^ropriated to the support of tiieir Lordships' sons.
They deem it a stain on a noble esoutcheon to engage ia
any active oecnpation, however respectable, but 'they seem to
be conveniently destitute of scruples about becoming pen-
sioners upon the strained charities of an over-taxed people.

But in searching for examples of the voracity displayed
by rich Britons in keeping all they have, and clutching at
more, we need not descend lower than the palace. The
proud court of England's Queen affords the most startling
instances of the national vice. That kingdom is deemed
happiest, whose monarch adopts the sentiments, and prac-
tises the customs of the peo^e. England should be very
happy in her Queen. In her evident apjHreciation of money,
Her Majesty is peculiarly successful in adapting her own
taste to that of her subjects.

The English nation, in order to support the dignity of
their royal ruler, annually appropriate the very inconsid^^
able sum of $1,925,000. It is to be hoped that the peof^
are amused by the regal rattle, since tibtey are compelled to
fay 80 dearly for it. After meeting every possible expense
Btke might chance to be subjected to in her domestic arrange-
ments and her public duties, they contribute $300,000 as
pinmoney to the Queen. In addition to this snug little
mm^ she enjoys $70/)00 from the Duchy of Lancaster, and
derives $60,000 more from pickings, in various quartern
During the minority of the Prince of Wales^ she possesses
entire control over his Duchy of Oornwall, and the right
to use the $190,000 yielded by the principality, after the
deduction of salaries, expenses, and allowances to its nu-
merous officers. Every personal want is considered and
ffivery puhUo evpiergeney provided for, when the ministers an-

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nsally ^eseot the budget to Farliftment. Every poeaiUe
public and private expenditure of ^e Queen is paid from
the vast aum of $1,625,000 appropriated by parliament for
that purpose. Yet, in additiCMQ, she has her pin-^noney^
1800,000, whieh is granted by parliament ;. she has the $260,-
000 produced by the two Duohies, ^nd the |60,000 derived
&om other sources, making in all the vast sum of $620,00(^
which the Queen recetvea annually as her private poeket-
ngicmey, besides the $1,625,000 devoted to her support
I'ji^hen it is remembered that every article of a^qutrel she
we^rs and every meal she takes — that all Uie equipages and
horses she owns — that her servants, her furniture^ her tvav*
elling expenses, and hw palaces, are all provided for from the
immense sums allotted by the government to Uie support of
the difiereat departments of her household, the question
naturally arises, what can she do with the $620,000 whieh
she receiver independent of all expenaes % That this sum ts
exhausted, 'tis our duty to believe, sinpe we shall see that
the Queen appropriated a small pabHc fund, jrhieh should
have been sacred even in the eyes of Royalty, to cfamrities
to her own personal favorites. Thou^ h«r profusion should
^ual Caligula's, and she should amuse herself by se^ng the
-mob scramble' for her largesses, it would yet seem strange
that in one year she ooxl^ squander so immense a aum, in
addition to the million and a half of dollars apf repriated
to her support. But the question is of money. RemMnber
that lucre is the subject of surmiee, imd the mystery is solved.
The Queen would be imjust to herself and insulting to her
people, should she display a careless indiff(»enee to what
they so highly prize. She would prove recreant to the duties
( of her position, did she not carefully hoerd what every Sng«
lishman guards more tenderly than England's honor or hie
own.
. ^his wonderful pej>ple of England, after having so mag^

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ttifioentlj provided for their Qaeen, generously set aestde tbe
eaormous sum of $6,000, to be distributed amoog sank in-
dividuals who have by their talents or scientific attainmenlai
deserved ^the gratitude of the country." It is an eloquent
commentary on the amount of intellect existing at present
in England, that all the men of genius and learning in the
ki^dom are estnnated by parliament at one-fiftie^ part of
the importanoe of Her Majesty's pin-ntoney. If the tal-
ents of the nation must be rated and are rated so low, is it
surprising that the standard of intellect should sink ? Ought
it to seem strange that the present race of Engli^nnen are
so nradi more expert with their knives and forks than their
pens ?~^that their tongues are so much more happily em-
ployed in mastication than in eloquence ?

Even we Bepublieans are accustomed to associate the
highest degree of magnificence and liberality with the title
of King. We are familiar from our infancy with *^ royal
munificence " and ^'princely generosity " as figures of speech
conveying ideas of superlative profusion. Queen Victoria
seems by bo means insensible of the ordinary attributes of
royalty, but entertains somewhat original notions of the
manner of displaying them. She is verp charitable, bat is
radier peculiar in being so at other people^s expense, ^e
appears to ^ink, that as her ministers must bear the edmm
attached to the unpopular acts of the crown, the people ought
to sustain the e3q>en8e of such deeds as might win fi»r il
p<^larity. She being the acknowledged head of the Brlt^
ish nation, her mimificenee must neoessu^ily reflect honor on
them, and they should be birt too happy to pay for it.

Although I have shown that the Queen is in the yearly
receipt of $1,625,000, and has a privy purse of $620,000
per annum, yet when she desired to manifest her substantial
gratitude to her seven private teachers, she boldly quartered
them on the publie, and granted them all pensions of $500

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apieoe, out of the pitiful fand appropriated for needy au-
thors, "who had deseryed the gratitude of the country."
The mere fact of these persons having been the instructors
of the Queen would, in a country like England, have giTen
them all a far greater number of the wealthiest scholars
thiui they ceuld. possibly have attended to, and must have
placed ihem, not only far above want, but in affluent ciroum-
fitances. But even supposing those worthy people to have
been in need of the royal bounty, would it not have been in
better taste, to say nothing of regal munificence, to have
supplied their wants from her own privy purse, rather than
misapply a large portion of a fund, which the people had
appropriated for the benefit of such of themselves who had
rendered important services to their country 1

It is true, that this squad of fortunate foreigners had
Imparted to the Queen some knowledge of the pretty little
aceomplishments of their respective countries. But by what
ingenious interpretation of the act they could be numbered
among those " who had deserved the gratitude of the ooun*
try," it would be somewhat difficult to determine. If en-
abling Queen Victoria to strum by rote one of Strauss's
waltzes on the piano, or to hop through a polka, with ease to
jherself and satisfaction to her parUier, oould be properly
plaoed in the category of eminent services to the state, these
whiskerandoes had deserved the gratitude of the country ;
and by a forced interpretation of the act, might have been
peiisi(tted from this fund. But it seems to me that these
elegant pastimes being much more amusing to the Queen
than useful to her subjects, she should have rewarded her
seven faithful teachers from her own ample privy purse of
$620,000, and not arbitrarily mounted them on the shoul-
ders of the already overloaded public. If these pensions
were intended, as mementoes of affectionate remembrance to
]her di^erent instructors, would they not have been much more

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146 EKOUBH ITBMS.

iMioepiable if generously bestowed bj herself, instead of
being forced from tbe public? During this yel^r $3,500
of the magnificent literary fund were consumed by fiddkrs
and singers, whilst the dazzling sum of $1,500 was left
to be divided among all the genius and learning of GreaA
Britain. The grant of these pensions was made 23d Ju^^
1840, Yiscount Melbourne being Premier.

As an evidence of the rare discrimination displayed hf
Her Majesty, in the appreciation of merit, I beg leave to re*
fer to ike pension of $500 to Peter Warren Pease, Esq.^
^ chief factor in the service of the Hudson Bay Company ;
in eonsideration of the personal danger and fatigue under*
gone by him, in geographical discoveries on the Northern
coast of America.'' '- Granted March 17th, 1841, Yiscount
Melbourne, Premier.'' 1^. Dease, for his useful geographi-
cal discoveries, is honored by being raised to the lev^l of
Her Majesty's dancing-master. Such extraordinary aoute-
ness in determining the degrees in which persons had
deserved the gratitude of their country, justly entitles
Queen Victoria to the thankful acknowledgments of her
subjects, and should reeonoile them to the burthen of tbtt
seven private teachera.

During another year Her Gracious Majesty made -^fa
grants, within five months of each other, from this identioi^
Uterary fund, of $2,500 each, to Mademoiselle Augusta Jka<*
xna P'Este, the illegitimate daughter of the Duke of Suasez^
^' in consideration of her just claims on the Royal benefit
cence." His Boyal Highness of Sussex married Lady Au<*
gusta Murray, the daughter of the Earl of Dunmore, at
Borne, and afterwards in London, in 1793^ The issue o£
this TXDion were a son and daughter ; but the marriage was
dissolved as contrary to the Boyal Marriage Act, in 1794.;
thus unfortunately for them bastardizing both of their ehil-
^n. This was the misfortune, not the flM:ilt of Mademoipf

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• ■ , '

idle. ijideTeijYoieemusi hare approved the manifioeiioe
of the soyereign, had she granted a pension to her nnforttmate
eoasin from her enormous privy parse. But Her Gracious
Majesty resolved to be generous and unjust, to be charitable
and prudent, and boldly appropriated to her own private use,in
a pension to Mademoiselle D'Bste, $5,000 of the $6,000 intend-
ed fDr poor authors. The reputation for charity, acquired at
the expense of justice and honor, would scarcely add to the
list of the Queen's reputed virtues. Such profusion could not
readily be mistaken for liberality. Upon such terms, any one
could afford to a|^>ear generous who was unscrupulous
enough to appropriate what did not belong to him, as the
means of making the display.

This daring proceeding was not only a violation of the
rights of the people, whom she professed to govern according
to a free constitution, but it was in open opposition to the
laws, which it was her sworn duty to see executed. For
Mademoiselle D'Este could not advance even the imaginary
daims of the Queen's teachers to the gratitude of the coun-
try. What had she done, that this sacred fund should be
squandered in her behalf? No one can hereafter doubt the
properest possible appreciation of the value of money in
Her Majesty, when she would so fearlessly disregard publio
qpinion, in order to preserve intact her own darling privy
purse. After such indubitable evidence of the Queen's
ability to take care of her own funds, it seems somewhat ex-
travagant to pay Col. Phipps $10,000 to take care of them
for her. $10,000 to *Hhe keeper of Her Majesty's privy
purse ! " What a commentary ia the very name of the of-
fice upon the abuses under the English government ! The
first pension was granted to Mademoiselle P'Este 5th
March, 1845, the second, 28th July, 1845, Sir Bobert Peel
being Premier. The fact of its 'beiag notorious, that she
was then engaged to be married to Sir Thomas Wilde, who

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was annually in receipt of $40,000 as Lord Chief Justice of
the Court of Common Pleas, in addition to his enormous
private fortune, accumulated in his profession, made the
outrage of these pensions the more glaring. And, although
^e was married within six weeks after the last grant, no in-
timation of a desire to return the $5,000 a year to the mueh
abused fund has ever been made, notwithstanding the im-
mense revenues of her husband.

A pension of $2,000 to the Baroness Lehzen was granted
24th Sept., 1842, Sir Robert Peel, Premier. The Baroness,
for a long period, during the minority of Her Majesty, was
her private secretary and confidential attendant. " Her
faithful services and constant devotion to the Queen
may have deserved some lasting mark of her appreciation,
but to provide for her from this fund, intended for poor
authors, ^and the useful laborers for the public weal, evinced
a want<m contempt of law, whose enormity far surpassed th^bt
of the other two instances, given above.

It was but natural that Queen Victoria, having grown
up under the eye of Baroness Lehzen, should regard her
with the sincerest afPectioil. Their associations were of the
most intimate character, and t^eir attachment mutual. As
Her Majesty's confidence in her friend was unlimited, it was
not extraordinary that she regarded the opinions of tbe
Baroness with deferential respect. But, although there is
no evidence that the Baroness ever exerted her great influ-
ence for purposes of political intrigue, yet the people, always
jealous of foreign interference, became alarmed. It was
soon whispered that the Baroness exercised a sway in the
Queen's Councils, inconsistent with British interests. The
murmurs swelled into clamor, and the three kingdoms re-
sounded with discontent. The universal disapprobation was
too boldly expressed, for the power even of the Queen long
to proiaet her favorite. Deeply attadied as she undonbtedfy

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WM to the JSaroness, and wilful m she had erer been in tri-
fles, she. lacked the moral conrage to resist the common wish
of all classes of the nation. The obnozions favorite was,
tj[ierefore, gently dismissed from court, and escorted into a
9Qrt of honorable exile in Germany. But at parting, she
received from the poor mutilated literary fund a niee little
token of the Queen's regard and regret, in the shape of a
pension of $2,000 a year. A fugitive from the resentment
of an indignant people, she was yet permitted to bear off, in
triumph, this sulttitanlial evidence of ^ the gratitude of the
^xmntry." The people might very cheerfully have given
^2,000 a year 4uriDg her lifetime, to get rid of her ; but to
quarter her on this fund, so positively provided for those
whose talents or services had been useful to the statej re-
quired the ingenuity, as well as the jpower of a sovereign. ^
Hers was not the negative position of Mademoiselle B'Esta
She vras not simply without claims, but she was notorious^
odious to all classes of the people. Yet, in the Queen's
a&xiety to save her own money, she was rewarded in a way
^ich announced to ^e world that she had deserved their
wannest gratitude. Does it. not seem incredible that the
Queen's annual income is $2,245,000? By what epithet
-can impartial historians in times to come characterize such
• a transaction? The pension to Mademoiselle D'Bste was a
-contemptuous disregard of her subjects' rights ; the one to
Baroness Lehzen was an insulting mockery of their helpless-
ness. Although I am examining the conduct of the Queen
in her official capacity, I cannot forget that she is a woman,
and gallantry restrains me from the expression of feelings,
which such proceedings naturally excite. These are not
isolated examples of outrage, which I have given, as they
will find who will take the trouble of examining the pension
list for themselves, but are &ir illustraUons of the strictly
-inpartial manner in which the rewards oi iUerafy metii ste
dispensed by Her Majesty.

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150 BircFLiSH rans.

Prince Albert enjoys a rather comfortable sort of meoMe
of $300,0(K) a jear. $150,000 are appropriated by Parlfa-
ment ; the other half he reoeiyes as jobbing colonel of regi-
mentfl he does n6t command — ^ranger of parks he never en-
ters — ^governor of castles he never sees — and fency-farmer
on land for which he pays no rent. Not the least consider-
able of these profitable sundries is the Flemish f&rm, which
is not only very profitable to His Boyal Highness, but is
enjoyed rent-free. Possessing an income, more than four
times as large as those of all the governors of all the States
of our Union together, and being besides one of those rarely
Incky fellows, who get their board and washing for nothing,
it appears presumable that Prince Albert might gratify
*^ his modest little wants " without the necessity of sordid
. savings. But such seems from the archives of the country
not to be the case. Although his chief items of expense may
be enumerated under the heads of bouquets and white kid
gloves for levees— cocked hats and top-boots for reviews —
and Macassar oil and Lubin's perfumes for ^ private draw-
ing-rooms ;" yet the consumption of these articles must be
prodigious, as the Prince seems reluctant to pay the only
debt which even the noblest Englishman cannot shirk — his
taxes. When called upon by the tax^olleetor, he meanfy
skulked behind" the petticoats of his wife, to avoid the pay-
ment of his taxes for the Flemish farm. He declared Ihat
he never occupied the farm without Her Majesty, and th&t
therefore he was exempted from the payment of taxes. On
this trivial pretext he was allowed to escape. It is difficult
to determine which is worthier of contempt, the Prince who
eonld stoop to so mean an outrage, or the nation who would
submit to it. An inexorable government enforces its de-
mands from the neediest freeholder, even to selling the pet
pig^ or &mily eow. A Prince is exempted from the pay-
ment of his legal taxes, because there is no officer with the

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SNOLI8B WBKTKB8 ON AMERICA. 161

moral courage to arraign him. Alas I for the majesty of
law in England! How Justice l^as been shorn of her
glories since the days when the madcap hero of Aginooort
conld so meekly bow to her decrees. The nation conld not
now exclaim with Henry lY. : ^ Happy is the King with a
Judge bold enough to execute the laws, and a son magnani-
mous enough to submit to them." England has been pro-
lific in Princes : she has produced but one Sir William Gas-
ooigne. The proud dignity with which the venerable Chief
Justice resented the blow received from the mad Prince
Hal, by committing him to prison, gave an illustrious prece-
dent to the Judges of England. But the days are passed
^ for such precedents to be remembered. The ermine, which
clothes the back, has enervated the soul of British Justice —
her heart will soften to maudlin weakness towards any one
who sports the spotted fur. What conunon subject of
Britain could with impunity have set at defiance the laws
of the land, and escaped the payment of his taxes, upon such
absurd pretences ? His Royal Highness was not satisfied
with the possession of this farm rent-free, to add to his al-
ready swollen revenues. Being husband to the Queen, he
had the power to avoid the expense of taxes,.and he had.
been too long in England not to do so. He never occupied
the farm without the Queen, and he was therefore not sub-
ject to be taxed. This was the truth, but not ^^ the whole
truth ;" for probably neither one of them ever did, or ever
would, occupy the premises a night during their lives.
But the Prince pocketed the profits of the farm — and as a
subject of the realm he was bound, both by honor and law,
to pay his taxes. ^ The True British Farmer," as he afieot- '
edly styles himself, forgets the first principle which actuates
every honest tiller of the soil He has but a poor concep-
tion of his assumed character of a farmer, when he know-
ingly sullies his honor. But i$ such miserable prevaiioa-

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tion as Prince Albert's, worthy of a man who should gire
tone to the most honorable circles of Great Britain ? Is it
becoming in the first subject of a great kingdom, to set such
an example of defiance to the laws, in order to escape this
paltry tribute to a government which had shown such muni-
ficence towards him? And yet Prince Albert would be
foremost among his titled parasites, in railing at all those
who were endeayoring by honorable means to make a for-
tune. One might conclude from this brilliant evidence of
financial tact, that His Royal Highness was eminently
qualified for the lucrative and highly honorable office of
"Keeper of Her Majesty's privy purse." He certainly
displays the sordid wisd6m of saving in a sufficient degree
to draw the purse-strings tightly enough. And as some-
body must receive the salary of $10,000, 1 am somewhat
surprised, in remembering the acquisitive propensities of the
family, that so fat a sum should be allowed to pass into the
hands of strangers. The Royal consort seems troubled for
a want of something to do, notwithstanding his extremely
important functions at reviews and levies. The supervision
of that precious purse might have afforded him some healthier
nlental occupation, than growing mammoth gooseberries, and
inventing bad hats. But I suppose it was considered un-
worthy of the dignity of His Royal Highness to write the
checks, which is the only duty which the keeper of the privy
purse is ever called on to perform. The notions of Eng-
lishmen on many subjects are peculiar ; for instance — ^re-
B(»:ting to a mean subterfdge in order to save a few paltry
pounds of taxes, was not deemed unbecoming in the Royal
Drone. But the slightest blot of ink, acquired in so busi-
ness an operation as writing checks, would have polluted
the immaculate purity of the Royal digits — and was not
therefore to be thought of Such is the absurd supersti-
tion of Aristocracy in England.

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After raeh deyelopmeiitey xAere is the toady 80 dariagly
unscrupulous, as to express a doubt of Prince Albert's keen
appreciation of money ? An allusion to the Flemish farm
must * silence the most brawling bigot of them all. Every
unprejudiced mind must be convineed that, although the.
Prince speaks the English language with an accent, he is
too thoroughly English in his feelings, not to be endued
with the national weakness for lucre. How else can we ac-
count for his extraordinary course with regard to the farm 7
I would not voluntarily ascribe to the Prince an excess of
wilful depravity. I cannot believe that he refused to pay
his taxes, merely to enjoy the luxury oi unparalleled base-
ness. Charity bids us to conclude, that he did not love
honor less, but money more.

But, after all, when we remember the mean state of de^
pendence in which Prince Albert is kept by the nation, as
husband to their Queen, his reckless disregard of his repu-
tation as a gentleman is, perhaps, more deserving of pity
than scorn. Long- continued subjection, even to the thral-
dom of a petticoat, will in time destroy that proud feeling
of independence, and chivalric sense of honor, so essential
to manhood. Without duties or position — ^without honor o^
consideration, except what he borrows from his wife — ^in-
debted even for what he eats, and what he wears, to her
bounty, it is not very extraordinary that His BoyaJ High-
ness should be oppressed by a feeling of his own insignifi-
cance. A man should confer honor on his wife, as the sun
lends light to the moon-*^not borrow it from her. He can-
not change positions with her without being degraded. He
loses all the dignity of his sex, when he sinks into the mere
husband of his wife. The silken collar of matrimony must
gall under such circumstances, and the necessity which com-
pels any husband to wear it '^ cows within him the better part
of man." He at once becomes as contemptible i^ his own
7*

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154 BMOUMt n»H8.

eyes, as lie appean despicable to other people. The sense
of degradation often urges men into excesses thej Might not
otherwise commit. The Prince maj feel his humiliation
more keenly than is generally supposed. He may be less
anxious about the fature opinions of the world, when he re-
members what they must think of him now. He may be
desperate, from the eonsciousness that his present position
leaves him no honor to preserve. A debased spirit may
safely burrow in the sordid recesses of avarice.

It is true that the huge pyramid of despotism whidi
overshadowed Qreat Britain during the middle ages, has
long since been demolished. But its rmns are still thickly
strewn through her social condition. And in nothing can
its former vastness be so distinctly traced, as in that relie
of barbarism, yeleped the ^ Queen's Household." Although
these household positions have no longer attached to them
the magnificence which made them respectable, nor the duties
which rendered them necessary, yet their names and their
salaries are still preserved, at the same time, a mockery
and a burthen to the people. But the sovereign and l^e
nobility are solemnly leagued against their abolition. It is
snobbish in the monarch to be tickled by the names — ^it is
weak in the people to pay the salaries of these oppresaiVe
sinecures. The real object of their continuance appears to
be, to put money in the purses of the already enormously
rich aristocracy ; and as, at the same time, the sovereign's
ideas of his own importance are comfortably inflated by the
presence of so many idle servants, the murmurs of the people
will avail little against such a combination of interests. It
is a condescension unworthy the theory of nobiKty, for its
members to accept positions which even in name are servile
— but how shall I describe the sordid instinct, which prompts
them to pocket the pitiful price of their dishonor? These
salaries, although they must appear contemptible to theni,

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BNOLISH WflIT«R0 OK AMERICA. tS&

wheB compared with their ows orergrown incomes, yet,
taken together, form a serious oppression to the people.

l!he aristocracy contend that this formidable array of
titled lackeys is necessary to. sustain the dignity of the
crown. But if they were sincerely solicitous about the
pomp of royalty, the absurd superstitions of rank in Bag-
land would enable them, at the same time, to amuse the
ponarch by the presence of these noble servitors, and to
relieve the people firom the expense of them. For the im-
aginary distinction arising from these hireling positions, the
advantages of being fed and lodged free of expense in the
palace, and of taking part in all the exclusive enjoyments
of the court, would create among the highest nobility an
eager contest for their enjoyment, although no pay were
attached to them. But the grasping greediness of ^Hhe
'Order " forbids so equable a compromise. Their Lordships
oannot occupy even honorary sinecures without a remunera-
tion. They pocket " what not enriches them," but makes
the people " poor indeed." The Marquis of Exeter receives,
as Lord Chamberlain, $10,000, and the Duke of Montrose
#10,000 more as Lord Steward. The Earl of Jersey, as
JIaster of the Horse, pockets $12,500, and the Duchess of
Athell, as the Mistress of the Bobes, receives $2,500.

The venal eulogists of the British oligarchy must search
in vain, through their bulky annals, for a single example of
diunterested service to their country. I fear eighteen more
^nUuries must elapse before a noble Englishman wiU be
.found to imitate the magnanimity of our Bepublioan Wash-
ington, in declining the emoluments of his office. The re-
fusal of money due him, even to win a name in history,
deems a sacrifice an Englishman is altogether unequal to.
Indeed, patriotism has become a profitable branch of trade
in England, in which many dabble on a small scale, and a
few are brilliantly successful. What bubble scheme, or rail-

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voadvpeeidation «Ter prored bo profitable to their origina-
ton, as the patriotism of Marlborough, Nelson, and Wel-
lington. The prc^ts of Law, or " Railh>ad King Hudson,"
were insignificant in comparison. Besides the distinguished
patriots had diyen and sundry monuments thrown in for
good conduct The royal funily and the nobility faaVe
always be^ eager to sustain a lofty pre-eminence in the
opinions of the people. It is alike their ambition and their
interest to appear the elect of Grod's anointed. To stalk
through life, as a superior race of superior beings, with supe-
rior instincts and propensities, is the difficult part they have
assumed. Is it to be presumed, then, l^at, with such admi-
rations, they would willingly betray to the multitude the
earthUest of earthly passions — a love of lucre ? A mounte-
bank would as soon expose his tricks, or an impostor confess
his impositions. But their sordid inclinations have proved
more pow^ful than their solitary ambition to appear supe-
rior to their fellows. Mammon has shown himself stronger
than pride.

When we see the Queen violating the laws to protect
her privy purse, and the Prince consort stooping to dis-
honor to save his taxes— when we find their Lordships
scrambling for rich sinecures, and their honorable offspring
monopolizing all the most profitable positions in the army
and navy — ^when we know that the wealthiest nobles of the
country, in assuming menial positions, become indued with
a menial's weakness for wages, and take hire for idly Imt^r-
ing about the palace, it is but reasonable to conclude that
the English aristocracy are not wholly insensible to the
t>harms of money.

I believe that I have established the principle ; for its
action I refer my readers to the following extracts from
English papers :

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MNOUSH WUnOUi OV AMKRIOA. l$*l

f&B AxmoGRAOT Mm GAB-psrnBMi— At tke M>ribotwi| ^ ■ !» w l

Courts on Tuesday; a cabman was fined 40t., for behaTing with yith
lence at the house of Sir K PeeL The defendant wanted 2t. 4<i as hit
&re for driying Sir Robert from the Brighton Railway to Pall-ma])
(which must be three miles)^ while ^ Robert wonld only give him 2<.
The latter was said to be the legal fare, — ^At the same eoiirt» on Wed-
neaday, Earl PitEfaardinge snmmoned. T. Jonee^ driyer and proprietor of
a cab» for causing an obetmction in Dayies-street^ by loitering and willal
misbehavior. His lordship oompliltned. that the cab stood in the Way
of his carriage, and that^ though the driver had no fare^ he (his lordship)
had to call out three times before the man would move. The driver
told the magistrate that he was at Ghiswick at the time. The groom,
who oonfiimed hard Pitzhardinge's statement thiougboat; when asked
tiie number of the cab, said it was 2,826. The defendant's nnnber
being 2,336^ the mistake was obvious. Earl Fitzhardinge said his im-
pression was that the number of the cab was 2,336, but of oouise he
would not contend that he was not liable to mistake. The summons
was then dismissed. — W, News,

Pkaoas. — ^At the Marylebone Police-court^ yesterday. Major Ckwke^
one of her Mijesty's Gentlemen-at-Arms^ was chained, before Mr. Long,
with illegally detaining an umbrella, the alleged property of Dr. Pres-
ton, M. D. Both ai'e members of the Army and Navy Club. Mr. Long
a^ed if the umbrella in question was produced, but was answered in
the ne^tive. A gentleman, who attended for complainant^ entered
into a statement of the faets^ and, after proceeding for some time, Mr.
Long said the simple question before him waa^ does Major Cooke detain
the umbrella or does he not f Cannot a matter like this be settled be-
tween two gentlemen without going any fiirtherf Dr. Preston said,
on the 18th Januaiy last he missed his umbrella from the outer hall of
the dub-house, and saw no more of it until the 8th ult, when he saw
it in the same place where he had left it^ and took poeseeston of it On
the same day. Major Cooke came into the room where he was seated,
and claimed the umbrella as hie^ saying he had had it more than two
years. Major Cooke seized it out of his hand and broke it in two. The
value was 12«. After a deal of evidence, pro and con., had been gone
into respecting the identity of the umbrella, Mr. Long dismissed the
Bumnions, and said he regretted it had been brought there. — Pott

When the wealthiest oommoner in England aoea a cahnan

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for fomrp^oe, and one gentleman aecnses anol^er of steaUng
his umbrella, and brings an action for the recovery of twelve
shillings, its reputed value, no one can doubt that the sordid

^principle acts as smoothly as the American reaping mar
chine.

It IB a eommon habit with Englishmen to depreeiate the
intelligeQce, and ridicide the manners of the Americans,
with whom chance brings them in contact, during their pere-
grinations in Europe, and the East. I rarely met with a'
nmuber of Gralignani's Messenger in which T did not ind
copied from English papers, some studied sneer at Ite igno^
ranee and vulgarity of American travellers. They seemed
unable to understand how people, of the comparatively lim-
ited fortunes of the Americans, could be actuated by a de-
sire to see the world. They deemed it a much higher evidence
of wisdom to remain quietly at home, and to spend their dol-
lars in comfort and peace, than to go traipsing through strange
cities, and foreign lands. They appear to regard travelling
as one of the onerous necessities which pursue v^y rich
men ; men whose incomes surpass the entire possessions of
our wealthiest citizens. Such principles were no doubt weU-^
suited to the sovdid disposition and siedentary habits of l&ag*
lishmen, but they but ill accorded with the enlightened eor
ergy of Americans. I shall make no observations on the
character of travellers one meets from our own country ; but
I beg the indulgence* of my readers, while I give some of
my opinions and experience of the Englishmen I have m^ in
my wanderings.

An Englishman travels for no better reason than that
everybody does so. He visits the various capitals of Europe,
lounges through their picture galleries, and dozes over their
ruins, as he drags through the classics, and takes a degree

* at college : his position in society demands it. With him
travelling is afltuspid duty, and not the highest of intelleetaal

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plelusm^; it is a necessarj probation, idiieh every Eng&rik-
man of a certain degree of wealth is condemned to pass
throttgit He submits to it as to any other inexorable ne-
cessity, but manifests his dissatisfaction by grumbling sneers
at every thing, from Paris to Jerusalem. The French don't
know how to roast ^^ a joint/' their conceptions of wash-ba-
sins are altogether too contracted in Germany, he is fleeced
by rascally dragomen at Constantinople, and finds nothing
Imt fleas and discomfort in the Holy Land. He solemnly
protests that he has se^i nothing that it was possible for him
to eat, since he left England ; and yet he retains his scarlet
hues, and corpul^it tendencies^ in a manner wonderfully
mysterious, if we belieye he has lived on air. In his accus-
tomed potations of malt liquors, he is more fortunate, as his
bullying complaints and noisy censure have stocked every
hotel in the East with stale ale and muddy porter.

He penetratejs the parched depths of the desert to boast
of having ridden a camel, and makes pilgrimages to the ho-
liest spots, merely for the gratification of declaring his be-
lief that they are not those which are designated in the
Scriptures. It is fashionable in England to be skeptical
about sacred localities ! He discredits the wonderful events
which attended the exodus of the Jews from Egypt. He
coolly argues the impossibility of the Children of Israel
passing through the bed of the Bed Sea on dry land, and
ridicules the idea of Moses' sweetening the waters of the
bitter well of Marah, amidst the very scenes whieh witness-
ed the accomplishment of these miracles. He journeys to
Mount Sinai to sneer, and enters the Holy Land with no ho-
lier motive than prompted young Sheridan to descend the
coal-|at : merely to say be had been there. In a spot where
I had thought that disbdief would be awed, and even blasphe-
my silent, in the sacred grotto of Bethlehem, I have heard an
Ei^ishmaii utter rude and indecent jests about the Yirgiii

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and her ohild. I wa» not sorprised that he went to Jerusa-
lem, a confirmed follower of that reverend apostate, Clarke,
who has attempted to derange all the received opinions, as
to the scenes connected with the crucifixion and burial of
our Saviour. If he sincerely believed that the spots, whidfi
have for more than a thousand years excited the religious
enthusiasm, and received the pious adoration of pilgrims of
every sect, were in no way connected with the death of Je-
sus, then it was less impious for him to scoff whilst standing
on Calvary, and to laugh within the site of the Holy Sepulchre.
What shall we say of the sacrilegious attempt of that
worse than infidel to profane the Holy Places of our Faith ?
Though they might not have been what they are believed to
be, it was an inhuman deed to destroy so pure a super-
stition — they should have been sacred as symbols of our
religion, which the common consent of fifteen centuries has re-
garded as holy. Although Mr. Clarke had possessed positive
proofs of their not being the scenes of our Saviour's death and
burial, yet had he been as pious as he was desirous to appear
learned, he would have spared them. Time and association
have united in making them the most impressive emblems
of the events they are designed to commemorate, and a sin-
cere Christian could never have assailed their sanctity. Ts
the Lord^s Supper to be considered as a less solemn rite of
Xlhristianity, because it is but the simple commemoration of
His death? Are th^ wine and bread to be regarded as less
holy, because they are not actually His blood and body ?
But the reverend Mr. Clarke was not satisfied with demol-
ishing that beauteous structure, which the faith of fifteen
hundred years had been building up. His ambition aspired
to the distinction of a theory of his own. He made him-
self absurd by professing, after all the changes which time,
and the different wars and dynasties, miust have produced
in the Holy City, to possess advantages for determining the

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XKOLISH WRITSRS OK AMERICA. 161

I

sacred localities, yerj far superior to those enjoyed by St.
Helena fifteen hundred years before. He did not simply
deny the identity of the Holy Places^ but had the audacity
to select localities of his own. It would be difficult to dis-
coTer so extraordinary a combination of folly, yanity, and
sacrilege, as that presented by this pedantic divine. A mon-
ster so atrocious could only haye been a Goth or an English-
man.

As our English acquaintance was an ayowed disciple of
Mr. Clarke, though he was a man of wealth and considera-
tion at home — ^he was remotely and mysteriously connected
with the Duke of Wellington — ^it was not surprising that he
was not much impressed by a visit to the church of the Holy
Sepulchre. But it is a little singular that the consciousness
of being in Jerusalem, the unmistakable witness of so many
extraordinary events, did not afiford him some more appro-
priate topics of conversation than insipid anecdotes of the
English nobility and wearisome complaints of the hotel— its
servants and its fare. He went every where, and apparently
saw every thing, but as an evidence of how slightly he could
have been interested in the sacred objects around him, he
had been eight days in Jerusalem, and his trunks were
packed for his departure the next morning, but he was not
positive as to the location of the Mount of Olives. He often
wondered at his own folly in venturing into a country where
there was so much discomfort — ^where there was positively
nothing to see and not much to eat. He candidly acknow-
ledged, that hearing so many of his acquaintances boast of
visiting Jerusalem, had betrayed him into the weakness of
wishing to say that he had been there too. But that if he
could be forgiven for his rashness in coming once, that he hoped
some terrible calamity might befall him if he was ever caught
east of Paris again. He never ventured on his impressions
of what he visited, but onoe, when after his return from a

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162 SNOLSBH tneiis*

visit to the river Jordan and the Dead Sea, he thooght he
bad passed some pUice famous for some battle, he did not
precisely know which, but he rather thought it was near the
brook from which David took the pebbles to slay Goliath.
And yet every body who had ever visited Syria, or read tiie
briefest account of the country, ought to have known that t^e
identical brook was in exactly the opposite direction. At
parting, he was peculiarly considerate in his admonitkms^
and most earnestly insisted on our visiting Mount OarmeL
^^ Omit what you like besides, but you must go ihere.^'
''For," said he-— and I waited, with breathless anxiety, a
burst of enthusiasm about the desolate grandeur and religions
associations of the place — "J'or," repeated he, ''the onty
tolerable dinner I have had since I have been in Syria, was
at the convent of Mount Carmel." Shade of Elijah hear
him I He had stood upon the sacred summit of Sinai — ^had
ascended Mount Garmel — wandered along the banks of thd
stormy Jordan — visited Bethlehem — and was then in Jeru-
salem — and the only treasured recollection he was carryi]^
away with him from the Holy Land, was that of having eB»
joyed a passable dinner at Mount Oarmel. The celebrated
John Hunter stated, as a curious fact, that thejawbonift
always predominated in proportion to the absence of brairaa
As this was a scientific observation of the learned gentleman,
it ought not to be wondered at, that the only thing in Syria
which our Englishman was able to appreciate, was the fwM
at the Convent of Carmel.

In mentioning the name of Greece, I feel a momentary
forgetfulness of the sterile subject I have selected for my
book. I no longer remember either Englishmen or their
country. The name of Greece recalls to me eountless joyous
memories and delicious associations. The season in which
I visited it makes nature in any form enciianting. It was
in early Sj^isg, when the year is too young to know auglil

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SNGLI8H WBCrXBS OK MUKBIOA. 198

elae but gladness and sanslime : wbeii tbe verdure is a&
fresfaneBS, the flowers are all beautjr, and the birds all song.
I had never known before the pain of feeling all a poet's
longings, without the genius to embody them into words.
The torr^ats from Helicon and Parnassus^were full, and
foamed furiously by. Every plain was dotted with flowers :
every bush had its nightingale. A visit to Greece bad been
a pet dream since my boyhood. But its associations, its
ruins and its battle-fields were what I thought would charm
me. I was not pr^ared for the rare beauty of scenery
which greeted me. Its storied mountains, where the Muses
wandered and Apollo sung, with their beetling crags and
frowning firs^ possessed all the wildness and picturesque
beauty that Switzerland boasts. Its classic vales and im-
mortal battle-fields, of which I had read earliest, and dreamed
BEkOst, were stoewn with wild flowers, — ^so fair, so frail, so va- .
ried, that the Muses might have discarded their laurel to
have garlanded their tresses with such loveliness. And
then the i^usic of the nightingale ! But how shall I de-
scribe what is indescribable ? All the glowing enthusiasm
of Oriental romance ; all that I had ever read of his poetic
kwes with the rose; all that I had ever dreamed of the
music of ^^ bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair," which
^ makes heaven drowsy with the harmony,'' had given me
BO conception of the melody of the nightingale's song^ and,
when heard for the first time in Greece, by the side of a
water&ll, with the beams of the fiill moon dancing in the
spray, it afforded a ravishing delight I had never known be-
I6re, and fear I shall never know again.

In Athens I met a couple of Englishmen, who proposed
to join my party. As I was entirely alone, I, of course,
consented, and we commenced a journey into the country
together. I was somewhat shocked, in the beginning, by
4NM of the gentlemen, who, in gasing for the hist time upon

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the Aoropolui, erowned with the ^shattered glories of the
Pftrthenon, could give utterance to no less commonplace ob-
senration, than that Athens reminded him very much of
'' Edenboro'.'' But we jogged sociably on among classic
ruins, glorious battle-fields, and sacred mountains, and patxi^
at Helicon. I jumped from my horse, and eagerly traced
Hippocrene's murmuring rill to its source. I could almost
see the mark of Pegasus' fiery hoof, when, in stamping, he
had called the bubbling fountain up. I could hear the min-
strelsy of the tuneful nine in the wi^rbling of every bird that
twittered by. I could almost imagine that I saw Euterpe^s
laughing face peeping from behind a rock. The silence, the
grandeur, and the associations of the spot seemed only sug-
gestive to the Englishmen that "it would be a capital place
to take lunch ! '' True votaries of Silenus, they could not
forego their orgies here, but drank porter and discussed
sandwiches as complacently in the favorite haunt of the
Muses as if they had been seated in a London tavern.

I could forgive them for a want of enthusiasm, for I had
Been too mueh of Englishmen to expect from them any
great demonstration of sensibility. But, however much I
might feel inclined to be lenient, I could not readily forget
a degree of ignorance of the common history of Greece that
would have subjected the dunce of a country school to a
posterior application of birch. It seems almost in(»redible
that men of any nation, who had arrived at the years of
discretion, should have been so lamentably deficient in sudi
ordinary knowledge. They thought that the battles of
Marathon and Salamis had been fought on the same day.
Hadn't the remotest idea who were engaged iti the battle
of Leuctra, but had a deep-rooted conviction that the Per-
^ans were in no way connected with Platsea. They went
to Parnassus to see sights, and had a very vague impression
as to what Delphi was oelebrated for. But there was ond

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subjoet (m whicli they seemed profoundly learned : it was
the highly interesting subject of "stinks." 'Tis their own
generic term ; and, if I write my annals true, I feel compelled
to use their very words, although, I confess, I do so in vio-
lation of my own ideas of propriety. I beg the indulgence
of those who feel like myself on this subject, for I am con-
scious that in illustrating the proneness of the English to
yulgarity, I may myself appear guilty. Although these
classical gentlemen entertained for the whole genus of bad
odors the antipathy glared by humanity in general, yet they
would nose them opt, trace them to their origin, and classify
them under their particular heads, with an avidity that was
quite surprising. Their animosity for stinks, like that of
terrier dogs for rats, prompted them to run down, and, if
possible, catch every unfortunate of the species that happened
to cross their path ; and it really appeared to afford thmn
the intensest satisfaction to deterafine*whether their latest
capture could be most properly placed in the positive, the
comparative, or superlative degree of stinks. They were
eternally going out of their way to stumble upon something
^'rotten," and were much given to having uncommonly
"nasty " feelings even at meal times. The weather, accord-
ing to their report, was frequently " l&inky ;" the houses we
were compelled to occupy were always "filthy;" and the
fare was positively " beastly."

Englishmen pride themselves extremely on the off-hand
&aAkness with which they always give things their right
names. Those, whose associations with these people have
forced them to hear such expressions as those quoted above,
must feel thoroughly convinced of their strict adherence to the
rule. Though I must confess that I think an occasional de-
parture from it would be desirable, for the sake of delicacy,
if not decency. The English ridicule Americans for their
excessive particularity in avoiding offensive expressions; All

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166 BNausB njDiB.

muBt agree, howeyer, that ii is better to err on our aide, than
their own. We had better be over nice, than generally use,
as the English do, such terms as I have felt compelled to
disfigure my pages with, which ordinary refinement should
banish from the conyersation of eyery gentleman. I would
adyise the English to use expletiyes, eyen with the danger of
being diffuse, rather than be so blunt, and so yulgar.

I am surprised that men, who had forgotten, or eyen
neyer known the history of Greece, could haye tray^sed its
sacred soil, without becoming familiar with those brilliant
eyents which haye made her heroism a proyerb. It is won-
derful that men eyen of the most ordinary attainments could
wander amidst ^^ scenes that our earliest dreams haye dwelt
upon," so utterly ignorant of *^ man's diyinest lore." But
wonder becomes amazement, when I remember that these
gentlemen, with whom I trayelled, were a Fellow in Oxford
Uniyersity, and a Captain in Her Majesty's seryice. Al-
though they might haye forgotten, since there boyish days,
much of Greece's history, yet it does seem strange that in
yisiting the country, they ^ould haye been too indolent to
refresh their memories, more espe^ally as they had one of
John Murray's Bed Books between them. It seems to me
that Greece and her annals should possess a peculiar charm
for the scholar, and the soldier. The precepts of her sages
and beauties of her poets are as yaluable to one, as the
stories of her yaliant sons should be interesting to the other.
But how could an Englishman read eyen Murray, whilst he
carried a bottle of porter in his saddle-bags, and sandwiches
in his pockets?

National pride in Byron should haye made them more
familiar with his fayorite Greece. I had myself traced the
noble pilgrim through many wild and beautiful scenes. I
had read his eloquent bursts of emotion, upon the classic
spots which called them forth, and- admired them more, be-

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cauM ikey had inspired such a mind. I oonld noi forgive,
there^ his stockish countrymen, for their ins^isibility to both.
But an ignorance of Byron is deemed becoming in the more
exemplary members of society in England. It has become
a6 fashionable to disparage his genius, aa it was formerly to
traduce his character. They have toppled him down from
the niche which should have been sacred to him in the ad-
miration of his countrymen, and are laboring to lift Mr.
Alfred Tennyson into his place. Byron and Tennyson!
What an unholy alliance of names ! What sinful juxtapo-
sition ! He who could seriously compare the insipid effu-
sions of Mr. Tennyson, with the mighty genius of Byron,
might commit the sacrilege of likening the tricks of Profes*
0or Anderson to the miracles of our Saviour.

Most men have their peculiarities, and many their
weaknesses. Our English scholar^s particular passion wa»
water-cresses. He was great on experimental consultation,
and made it a rule never to put a question directly. He
grew tired, and wished to turn back. He wondered interro-
gatively what there was to be seen at Parnassus ; and when
ififormed there was the view from the summit of the moun-
tain, the grot of Apollo, and the ruins of the temple of the
oracle at Delphi, he sorrowfully expressed his conviction
t^t, after all the ^ bother," it wouldn't pay. But when th«
dragoman vaguely intimated that the finest water-creeses in
the world grew in the immediate vicinity, he iH>t only ap-
peaored consoled for the necessary fatigue, but even mani«
Ibsted an unwonted alacrity towards the end of the journey.
Every breeze that breathed from iiie snow-clad peak of Par-
nassus, came laden to him with the refreshing od^rs of water*
cresses. There seemed to be renovating influences in every
whiff. As we advanced, his grim looks of dissatisfaction be-
came more and more relaxed ; and, on our arrival, he had
not only succeeded in getting up a much better appetite than

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his ordinarily remarkably healthy one, but hefoand himself
in a much happier frame of mind than common for the en-
joyment of the lions of the place. A messenger was instantly
dispatched for his favorite dish. He had cresses for dinner,
cresses for sapper, and cresses the next morning for break-
fast ; and, issning forth nnder their mollifying influence, he
seemed relieyed from the harassing suspicion that, in coming
to Parnassus, he had been the victim of ^^a regular sell.''
He rather thought that the temple ^ would do," and that the
grotto '^ was not so bad ;" but he had seen much finer views
from Scawfell Pike, which he kindly informed me was the
highest mountain iit England, than from the top of Mount
Parnassus. Qh, vanity and water-cresses ! Absurdity and
Englishmen 1 It seemed nothing to him to be where Apollo
dwelt, and Byron had been. But in our ascent he alarmed
me by expressing a distressing ap|)rehension of being about
to ^ fiink.'^ This mysterious intimation was more startling,
as I was altogether ignorant of what terrible consequences
might result from the unknown process of ^^ funking ^ I
was as much relieved as himself when he stopped at the
grot, to be informed that " funking" was the briefly elegant
acceptation of the word giving out. He did nothing during
our entire stay on the mountain, but complain of great short*
ness of breath, and weariness of limbs. He blamed every
body for inducing him to start, and could discover nothing
to eompensate him for such labor. He did not seem aware
that even then nymphs, and fauns, and Pan with his satyrs
might be frolicking "along the banks of the brawling brook
that dashed across our path. He never suspected that the
Muses were timorously hiding in that leafy covert ; and did
not once hear the notes of Apollo's lyre mingling with the sighs
of the moaning firs. But he was somewhat consoled on reach-
ing the top, by disparaging Parnassus to praise Scawfell Pike.
An Englishman seems never convinced that there is any thing

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ENGLISH WKITERS ON AMEBIOA. 169

but of England equal to what he boasts of in it. He will
prefer an English mill-dam to Niagara, and compare one of
our great Northern Lakes to some nobleman's fish-pond.

It is a favorite amusement of Englishmen to enlarge
upon the peculiarities of our nasal twang, and to enumerate
our ^ provincialisms.'' Because we have not imitated them,
in the abuses of the language, into which vulgarity has be-
trayed them, we are pronounced guilty of " provincialisms."
In alluding to the corrections we have made, of their own
glaring improprieties of speech, they seem to forget that
America is no longer % province.

In their attempts to be merry at our expense, they appear
wholly oblivious of that ^extraordinary 'abit of a vast ma-
jority of cockneys, of always making the h silent, and aspi-
rating the vowels in the beginning of a word. On which of
our remotest frontiers could they discover such an unpar^
donable violation of good grammar and good taste ? Yet
this habit of dropping, and adding the A, is universal among '
the lower and middle orders, from London to Wales, and is
, very prevalent among the highest and most polished. But
whilst we are on the subject of ^' provincialisms," what shall
we say of the heathenish dialects of several different shires
in England, which neither Christians nor Englishmen, out of
their particular counties, could pretend to understand ?
Where will they look for such in America ? We may add
to the cagnifications of the words clever and smart, but it
seems to me that the great national right, which permitted
England to form her remarkable compound of Saxon and
Norman-French, might confer on us the privilege of extend-
ing the acceptation of a few unimportant words. Even in
our most figurative meaning of the word smart, we make a
near approach to its original signification ; how do the Eng-
Ush force it into conveying an idea of showy, flashy dress ?
8

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But we often adhere to the strictly proper acceptation of a
word, whilst they arbitrarily depart from it. Plain means^
according to Johnson, simple, unadorned, and not ugly as
the English wonld have it, in applying the term to women.
SUnU, if we can believe the same authority, signifies strong,
brave, Insty, and not fcU^ as the English generally use it

But of whatever indiscretions of speech we may be
guilty, we are certainly saved the mortification of the insuf-
ferable vulgarity of applying the chaste term beautiful to
greasy articles of food. This is a distinction reserved in
undivided glory, for the most enlightened nation of the nine-
teenth century. ''Beautiful mutton!" ''Beautiful pota-
toes I " Ugh how shockingly disgusting ! Who but a can-
nibal or an Englishman could discover any thing of the beau-
tiful about what he had to eat ? I can imagine an epcure
of the , Tongo islands remarking to a sympathizing frigid,
when some fair shipwrecked damsel had fallen into his hands,
that she would make a '* beautiful roast," but it requires the
refined perceptions of an Englishman to appreciate the beau-
ties of a cabbage-head. As my learned companion in
Greece is an especial favorite of mine, I iiope I shall be ex-
cused for again introducing him for the sake of illustration.
The only wild bursts of enthusiasm into which he was ever
betrayed, from " Sunium's marbled height " to the immortal
pass of Thermopylae, was whilst ogling a dish of " beautiful
water-cresses." His soft, susceptible heart daily succumbed
to an ecstasy of ezcitoment, before a brilliantly green plate of
his favorite salad. If there ever was an occasion when this
excitement ceased to be utterly ridiculous, it was at Parnas-
sus. For these were classic cresses. They had been culled
on the poetical borders of the Castalian fountain. They had
sprung from " holy, haunted ground." Protected by the sha-
dow of Parnassus, and nurtured by the waters of the immortal
brook, they might have borne about them, for aught I know,

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flomeilirag of tkat poetical iniefpiraiion, anciently attributed
to the fountaiii. They certainly posseseied an interest for
me from the charm of association ; and I pressed in my
pocket edition of Childe Harold a few leaves, as a memento
^ Apollo's fayorite haunt. But they were cresses still I
And how the Englishman could apply the term " beautiful "
. to them, as a wholesome and palatable yegetable, I cannot
pretend to understand.

In America we conceive the bluest evidences of beauty
to be afi(^ded by women and flowers ; but Englishmen, more
discriminating, chiefly delight in " beautiful roast-beef "and
'^ beautiful porter.'' There is no accounting for tastes in
this world, and an Englishman may really discover more
personal charms, if I might use the expression, about a fat
sirloin of beef, than in the loveliest woman. But in apply-
ing the term ^^ beautiful " to beef and porter, he means not
so much to intimate that they are pleasing to the eye, as
that they are deliciously titillatbg to the palate. In this
the extreme grossness of the impropriety consists.

Although I have acquitted the more refined and better
educated people of Great Britain of being universally guilty
of the vulgar liberties the middle classes take with the h^
yet the disposition to indulge in them is very decided, in
even the highest in London, and this habit, illiterate as it is,
prevails very commonly in all the provincial towns. The
most elegant and refined talk constantly of ^^ fried ^am^ al-
though they are not often guilty of the atrocity of adding
"the Aeggs." They sentimentally insist that " there is no
place like 'ome," and always salute a* friend with <<'ow d'ye
do." They compliment a lady as being very "'andsome;"
they invariably commence a question of time by "wen," and
fearfully transform the simple relative pronoun into a^wich."
Thes^ are but a few examples of the propensity of the most
eefined people of England to Asdopt the general custom.

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They seem yery relnetant to Aackiioirledge ibis paooMArly
^exceptionable 'abit, and ^inskt that hit Ma confined to the
low and ^ignorant of the country. Bat it is nniT^sal among
educated people, whose wealth far surpasses that of our rieh-
est citizens, and it is not at all uncommon among the highesi
and most polished circles. We don't ^aspirate our vowels
in America. Turn your Aeyes hon this picture and keaa
thai

In a couplet of Ben Jonson, which I am sorry not to
be able to recall, Thames is made to rhyme to James^ show*
ing that in those good old times the name of the rirer was
pronounced as a Xllhristian or a reasonable man would pro-
nounce it noW) instead of vulgarly mincing it into ^Tems,"
as the present race of Englishmen do. They say WooPieii
and Oreen'ich, when they mean Woolwich and Greenwich.
They metamorphose Alnwick into An^ick and Warwiek into
Warwick, The mighty " King-maker" is divested of a por-
tion of his dignity, and 'Hhe Last of the Barons " loses sbmo
of his grandeur, when we hear him called the great Earl of
WarHck. The abominable abbreviation smacks too strongly
of cockneyism and smells of the ale-house. It is oppOsed^
in sound, as in association, to all our preconceived notions of ^
the valiant Guy. The famous race of England is always
spoken of as "the Darby." But the Earl of Derby, although
in his ministerial relations he has been supposed to bear very
close analogy to an old woman, has scarcely deserved of fal<l
countrymen to have his melodious title ch&nged into suek ft
sobriquet as Darby.

How tan they force stone into " stun % " In this instance
they are not satisfied with arbitrarily interfering with weights
and measures, but do violence to all the ordinary rules of
pronunciation, with ^^stun." They had much better pro-
nounce it ton at once, more especially as this standard would
be Infinitely more convenieitt for determining the gross weigbt^

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of SnglidiiBen than either potrnds or stone. But it
^ British nation are senaitiye on the soore <^ wei^t. In
Qffpontion, ther^re, to eyery other nation in the world, they
have adopted a stone instead of & pound, as the unit in as-
oertsining the gravity of British flesh and blood. To unso-
plostic^ted ears, %l stone, 6 pounds, sounds infinitely less
tiian three hundred pounds, whieh weight is a £iir average
of the avoirdupois density of the Sir Tunbelly Chunsies of
the middle and upper classes. By the term "stun'' they
may possibly intend remotely to allude to the inevitable fate
o£ any unfbrtunate person upon whom one of the heavf^ocra-
oy might ehance to fall The crushed individual would most
certainly be stunned, though the ponderous cause of the dis-
aster could scarcely be called, in strict accordance with the
Bnglish cant phrase, ^^a stunner." '^A stunner" is general-
ly suj^posed in England to be a gentleman, briskly astound*
ing, rather than personify influential, from weighty consider*
ations.

It is not surprising that an En^shman should assume
the comfortable rotundity of a homemade loaf of bread,
whan it is remembered that few hops are requisite to make
the latter ^rise," and how much of the puffing ingredient the
i»rraer c<msumes in the shape of malt liquors. In 1850 the
crop of hops in England reached 48,537,669 lbs., which are
oapaUe of producing 24,268,834 barrels of beer. I will
lahe the liberty of stating, as a malter of curiosity, the di*
aensitms of a single brewery, that of Perkins & Co., the
&mous brewers of London. This vast establishment occu-

, pies some twelve acres of ground. There are employed be-
tween jl50 and 500 men, whose burly forms and crimson and

> unctuous visages make each one a striking impersonation of
John Barleycorn. There are 160 of those huge horses, whose
ponderous proportions and great height seem the magic re-
tttlt of a mysterious cross between a giraffe and hippopota*

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moB. There is a copper for steaming the malt capable of
containing 400 barrels. There is a gigantic Vat for final de^
posit of the liqnor before it is drawn into barrels, whose
wonderfol capacity is 3500 barrels, and another of 1500.
The quantity of malt annually consumed is 127,000 quarters^
which will produce 317,500 barrels of beer. Quite a lively
business, considering the amount of fermentation which must
take place.

There is no one of our Americanisms at which Englishmen
more frequently sneer, than the application of the name of
^^cars^^ to Railroad conveyances. They use the term "car-
riages." Grammar after all is but an arrangement of rules,
which the general custom of the most intellectual authorities
has declared to be proper. A Railroad was a new mode of
transport, and naturally demanded some new name for its
means of conveyance. Car was a word rarely if ever uE(ed
in America, though it designates a species of wagon in Eng-
land ; and I think that both good taste and good sense
would give the preference to its use, in connection with Rail-
roads, rather thaa multiply to a mystifying extent the signi-
fication of the word carriage. Both cars and carriages lutvft
wheels, in common with the conveyances for passengers at-
tached to locomotives — and as car was a word not in use
with us, and carriage was already loaded with such general
and various significations, I think that reason sustains us in
the adoption of the former, though we possessed the right
to assign, with perfect propriety, any name to the new mode
of travelling, which general custom might have adopted;
We can surely manufacture our own names^ however many
importations we are compelled to make from England, But
Englishmen seem to insist tqpon denying us the privilege of
travelling in "the cars" since they always go "by rail."
^ui.. — ^L «yi^ing Qn a j.j^ii» ia ^ mode of tran^rt some-
m extraordinary oeoasdonB in America; yet

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Hm not being generally deemed the most reputable convey-
ance in the world is, I think, a sufficient reason for the adop-
tion of some other term for Bailroad travelling.

Among the standing heads for chapters, under which
every English writer feels it incumbent on him to grow
wordy and indignant, the danger^ of our Steamboat naviga-
tion occupy a prominent position. All the flaming accounts
of the accidents occurring on our Western waters, are
eagerly collected by the touring English in America, and,
after being properly colored to suit the taste of the market,
tJhey make up an important chapter for the forthcoming
" book," which is the inevitable result of an Englishman's
crossing the Atlantic. The best evidence of England's bit-
ter hatred of America is her insatiable taste for slanderous
productions on this country. The same complaints are
repeated— ^the spitting — the same vulgarity — the same Lynch
Law — ^and Steamboat catastrophes — are reproduced again
and again, under new names and diffcxent colored binding,
and yet the demand is always brisk for these villainous com-
pilations. .

Explosions of boilers — ^sinking from being snagged —
burnings and collisions, are all joyously heralded, with terri-
ble minuteness, by these English commentators on America.
The frequency of such occurrences is adduced as convincing
proof of the reckless disregard for life, and utter incapability
q£ all grades of officials in America. It is true, that Steam-
boat accidents are extremely rare in England, for their
boasted " Tems" would scarcely float a large-sized yawl, ex-
cept when it is floated, as high as London, by the tide. Such
limited aquatic facilities are certainly the safest protection
against the frightful accidents, which have rendered the
Mississippi so terrible to Englishmen. The great Father of
Waters hurls his rushing current along a distance of 2800

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miles, whilst the Missouri, with its junction to the Missis-
sippi, measures 4100 miles, the longest river in the world.
But the famous " Terns," with all its advantages of tide,
locks, and dams, creeps but 233 miles to the sea.

But although there exists this almost impossibility
against Steamboat accidents, yet never a week, and scarcely
a day passes, without the announcement of one or more
serious Bailroad disasters. I will not crowd my pages with
extracts from London papers in support of what I say, but
I appeal to the habitual readers of the English journals, for
the truth of my assertion. I have observed in the papers of
the same morning notices of three different Bailroad casual-
ties. But Englishmen boast that the sufferers, on such oc-
casions, are always amply remunerated for the injuries they
may have sustained. It is true, that an accident rarely oc-
curs, without the formality of a lawsuit, and that damages
are almost universally recovered from the delinquent com-
pany. This may be all very well, after the mischief is done^
but in most countries the remedy applied would be thought
to come rather late. Who but an Englishman could be
consoled for the loss of a near relation, by the receipt of a
sum of money, which a jury had decided to be the equivalent
of his. ifetrinsic value whilst he liveS ? Who but an Eng-
lishman would be satisfied to compound for the loss of a
limb, in shillings and pence ? Money appears the panacea .
for every ill in England. It is applied with equal effect to
bruised affections, and broken legs. So deliciously does this
universal remedy act upon every patient, that the lucky in-
dividual is eagerly heralded in the newspapers, as a fft sub-
ject for congratulation, who can ascribe to some erratic loco-
motive a demolished parent, or pulverized limb. If a man
should be unfortunate in his domestic relations, or receive a '
horsewhipping — ^they pay him: money being considered a
salve, healing alike to wounded honor, and a smarting back.

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If s young woman loses her reputation by slander, ot a
husband by/' breaoh of promise/' they hasten to pay her for
the loss of both : money being deemed, in England, a desir-
able Bubstitnte for those two possessions, which are usually
supposed to be absolutely essential to the happiness of the
sez. But it is useless to multiply examples. It is a well-
approved fact, that Englishmen have no sorrows that money
cannot soothe.

En^ishmen are stanch suj^orters of the principle that
^ vulgarity and rudeness " are the necessary consequences of
"free and enli^tened Bepubli(».nism." They may say
what they like of the barbarous influence of mingling all
classes in America, but a Republic is the only school for
rearing gentlemen among the people. When there is a
marked and inexorable distinction of classes, those beneath
experience, in spite of themselves, a feeling of degradation,
which produces a thousand little meannesses, inconsistent
with the high-toned feelings of a gentleman. But where
there is no social inequality. Democracy leaves room for the
expansion of those principles, which, however rough a man's
exterior may be, make him a gentleman in feeUng and
action. A proper pride is the first element of true gentility,
add where there is no prescribed disability in the lowest to
associate with the highest, this pride of independence pro*
duces a feeling of refinement, a regard for themselves, which
very naturally |»*oduces a regard for other people. There is
no danger of any brutal manifestation of disrespect towards
those whose age, whose intellect, or whose wealth have placed
them in superior positions. A.man, who is perfectly assured
of the equality of his rights with the highest, experienees no
vulgar ambition to make an unbecoming display of them.
The self-respect which arises from his position, teaches him
that rudeness to those above him would be much more de-
8*

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grading to him, than it oould poasibly be to them. A man
whose finer feelings are crashed by the consciousness of in-
feriority ; who is compelled to submit to the insolence of
purse-proud superiors, can have no self-respect; and in hts
debasement he is actuated by a mean desire to vent upon
those beneath him the insulting injuries he has himself
receiTcd. The more humbly he is forced to cringe to those
whom the laws have made his masters, the more cruelly wHl
he be avenged on those whom fortune has placed below
him. The loss of independence, which makes him servile,
makes him rude. Serrilityns as unbecoming as rudeness,
in a gentleman. But so long as the present legal differences
in the grades of society are maintained in England, her
entire population must continue both obsequious and bni-
tal. The 26,999,570 of the people must be basely subrals-
siye to the nobility, and the 430 titles must meanly cringe
to the crown.

It has long been a subject of mysterious interest to me,
to ascertain what peculiar qualifications conferred on a man
in England the title of gentleman. Whether a certahi
Itmount of refinement, of fortune, of education, or noble blood
were requisite, I never could satisfactorily determine. Aft^
much laborious research in books, and patient companson of
the various persons to whom this enigmatical title had been a{H
plied by Englishmen themselves, I have concluded that an
English gentleman signifies any idle individual, who has
inherited from his father or some other hard-working ances-
tor, fortune sufficient to live without active occupation. To
be rich, and to do nothing, constitute an Englishman's some-
what contracted ideas of gentility.

This gentlemanly idleness of the so-called aristocracy, ig
an unnatural state of existence, which cannot subsist long
without injury both to the individual himself, and the society
in which he lives. Go back to the first gentleman, Adam in

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tbe gnrden. The experiment of idleness was satisfactonly
' tried there, and was found impracticable. Does any one im-
agine that the forbidden fruit would eyer have been tasted,
if Adam bad been daily occupied in tilling the earth, and
£ye, like a good housewife, in darning fig-leaf aprons for her
husband and herself? Never. It was her utter idleness,
which afforded the serpent an opportunity of using his guile,
it was idleness which left room for his cunning suggestions
to grow into uncontrollable curiosity. Had the lady mother
ef mankind been actively engaged in some domestic occupa-
tion, she would have had no time to listen to the serpent's
wiles, much less to try afterwards the experiment he had
suggested. This whole system of gentility is faulty. It is
ieunded in error, and can never come to good. To make
idleness, that fruitful source of every evil, the test of aris-
tocracy, and yet contend that this unjust system is not ruin-
ous to the nation in which it exists, is worse than folly. The
condition of England is the happiest commentary upon this
absurd despotism of fashion. ^^ It is stated in the London
Times, that, upoq an average, one person out of twenty of this
luxurious metropolis is every day destitute of food and em-
ployment, and every night without place for shelter or repose.
It is a lamentable fact that in this town of London alone,
the centre and core of British civilization, one hundred thou-
sand persons are every day without food, save it be the pre-
carious produce of a passing job, or crime."

The fortunate individual who is rich enough to live with-
out labor in England, might be a blackguard, a fool, or a
puppy, or all three at once, yet he would nevertheless be a
gentleman, and cduld command, accordingly, the too ready
deference of the money-ridden vassals of Great Britain. No
refinement of manners, or cultivation of mind, are required
to sustain his pretensions ; no elegant accomplishments axe
ezpeeted of him : it is not even thought necessary that he

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180 ENGLISH TOMB.

shotild twirl his thumlwgraoefuUj daring Hs very maiiyiiourt
of Tinemployed leiaore ; but he must " box well," snd "ride
boldly/' he must be able to " thrash the waterman/' and to
^ take afive-barred gate '^ at top speed. Idleness is deemed his
ehiefest i^tue, and ridiculous self-coneeit, and brutal effiron-
tery, are considered the most unimpeachable evidences of hid
gentility. An attorney or a surgeon are considered members
of honorable professions : a banker or a merchant commar^
high respect in society, but it would be deemed a shocking
misapplication of terms, to speak of any of them as gen^
tlemen.

How very different are our ideas in America of a gen*
tleman. If I were called on here to give an American defir
nition of a gentleman, I should say that he was a maneasy^
but unobtrusive in his manners, who never did any thing to
offend the taste of the most refined, or wound the feelings of
the most sensitive ; and who possessed withal an income, suffir>
cient to dress neatly, and indulge the simple habits of a maai
of cultivation. He should be modesrt without bashfulness,and
firm, without an affectation of pugnacity. He ought never
to attempt to attract attention by noise, or arrogance, nor
should he allow any one to treat him in a manner whioh
approached indignity. But let him be cool and civil under
all circumstances. He should never be betrayed into any
thing like a display of temper ; there are much more efiee*
tual modes of manifesting spirit than in bullying. A wo*
man might treat him in a manner to prevent his ever
approaching her again, and a man might insult him. bo as ie
make it necessary to call him to an account, but he ought
never to gratify either, by allowing them to think that they
were capable of exciting a feeling of ang» in his breast. He
should be above such petty manifestations of weakness, as
he should avoid such an acknowledgment to them, that they
wore of sufficient importance to disturb his equanimity.

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Detemination is stronger when cool, as the blade in keeaer
from being polished. Above all, let him neT«r Gtrndeaoend
to bandy words with a woman. Her sex should be heir protec-
tion even. from attacks of his tongue. It is much more to
Us honor to maintain, a dignified 'silence under the fiercest
feminine assaults, than to elevate a shrewish woman into an
equality with himself, by replying to her rudeness. He
Ought to be polite to her as long as he is in her presence,
tho^gh he might avoid all repetition of the affront for the
future. He ou^t to touch his, hat to his opponent, with
whom he was about to engage in mortal combat. jEe should
be much more punctilious in his observance of etiquette
with those whom he did not like, than with his friends.
There is no surer way of keeping a man at a distance, than
to treat him with studied civility. But I have allowed my-
8^ to say much more than I intended in alluding to this
su1»)ect. The great animating principle of genuine gentility,
is a delicate regard for the feelings of other people. Let a
man remember this, and preserve his own self-respect, and
he will be very certain never to do any thing unworthy of a
gentleman. A refined perception of what would be disagree-
Me to his neighbors, will always prevent his being eithw
coarse or rude in his manners; and he should not allow
evoi a desire to appear witty, to betray him into a forgetful-
ness of the feelings of others, which would be much more un-
becoming to him, than it could possibly be cutting to them.
Politeness is deemed lessening to the position of a gentie-
maa in England ; in America it is thought his proudest
ornament Englishmen say that we use '^ sir " too frequently
in addressing our equals — to whom should we use it if not to
them 1 The Englishman will reply to the citil question of
a comparative stranger with rude abruptness, but should a
nobleman chance to address him,. '^ my Lord,'' or ^your
Grace," not only thickly garnishes all he replies, but smooth-

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\j ronndfl off the end of eyerj sentence. Their ezceanre
repetition becomes both absurd and disgusting. But it would
be thought a want of self-respect in him to introduce " Sir "
once, in answer to a man whose position did not look down
upon his own. Yet the English declare that they so bela^
bor the nobility with their titles, because it is polite.
Their civility loses its rarest charm in ceasing to be yolun-'
tary ; and their politeness becomes servility in making abject
submission to a superior. Their truckling deference to
nobles is a base acknowledgment of inferiority, and not that-
free, high-toned feeling, which produces a respect for the
feelings of others ; nor that generous affability of dispofid*
tion which begets the desire to be agreeable. A man,
actuated by the proper feelings of a gentleman, would be
much more observant of his conduct towards equals, and inr
feriors, than towards those whose position commanded his
respect ; for although the former could not demand or even
expect from him politeness, yet it is due to himself, if not t0
them, to treat them with consideration ; — although he might
entertain.no very exalted respect for them, yet his own self-
respeot should induce him to »:tend to them such civilities
as he could not omit with propriety. Politeness is justly
expected from his position, though not demanded by theirs.

Many persons appear to think that a Lord mtist be a-
gentleman because he has nothing else to do. But an l!ng«
lishman, even when possessing all the advantages of wealdii
in idleness, is so bundled up in his multifarious wrappings of
selfishness and arrogance, that he possesses about the same
faculties for being gentlemanly in his manners, that a sud*
denly resurrected mummy might be supposed to have for
being sprightly in its movements. In England gentleman
is a mere title, which is backed to the tail end of a list of
Dukes, Lords, Baronets, &e. It is not considered at all es-
sential to a Duke to be a gentleman. But in France, where

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legal distinctioxis in rank are also acknowledged, the simple
^e of Gentleman, whick a man must win for himself, i»
justly considered superior^to all hereditary titles. They say
jftonsieur le President, Monsieur le Prince. The first title
is descriptiye of the man, the last of his father.

When an Englishman conoeiyes it to be advisable to do
a faror, instead of making it acceptable, he always succeeds
itt accompanying it with such an air of obliging condeseen-
sion, as to render it extremely' offensive. The supercilious
smile on his lips seems to say, what an uncommonly good
fellow I am, so extensively to patronize you. His anxiety
always appears excessive to make you fully aware of the-
painful degree of self-debasement his pride has submitted to
in doing you a trifiing service. And as he is not often guilty
of such indiscretions, he resolves to impress you with the im-
portance of what he has done, and the overwhelming amount
oi gratitude due him in consequence. An Irishman can
more gracefully refuse a kindness than an Englishman do
one. The latter never appears so disgusting as when he
attempts to be especially kind. As I said once before, in
trying to seem affable, he succeeds in being condescending ;
inli^ffecting to oblige, he becomes insulting.

*I have met with some Englishmen who, after a long re-
sid^ace in. India, or some other foreign country, presented
but few of those national peculiarities which render them
generally so forbidding. And I have known others in
America whom you would never suspect of being English-
mea>^— t^ey were such good fellows. But these had been'
early transplanted from England. If the sound oranges be
immediately removed from a barrel in which decay has com-
menced, they may be saved ; but if suffered to remain, they
are all soon reduced to the same disgusting state.

The transient English travelling on our Western boats,
make grievous complaints of the rude and vulgar manners

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of the psasengers, when people of all chases — ^the edaeated
and unedoiCated — >the wealthy and the laboring — -the elegant
and the awkward — are mixed indiscriminately together.
That many of them may ha^e been rongh in their appear-
ance, and unpolished in their manners, I am most ready to
admit; but that they made any display of indecent mdeness
I do not believe. These hardy pioneers might not hare been
so meekly submissive as our stiff-necked Britishers were
prepared to expect ; but if they were at all rude in their
manners, it must have been when these distinguished repre-
sentatives of the old country were inclined to assert a superi-
ority, which these independent Democrats were not disposed
to acknowledge. No people know their own stations, or re-
spect those of other persons more' carefully, than Americans ;
but the respect which superior intellect or wealth generally
receives, must be a voluntary offering, not a demanded right.
The moment a man arrogates to himself superiority to his
fellows, he is mortified by being made to feel that we are all
bom free and equal. It is this salutary humiliation of arro-
gance which makes Englishmen so bitterly hostile to the
^' brutal mingling of all classes in America.''

English writers on America are eternally descanting'
upon the deteriorating effects of Democracy upon the morals
and mannei^s of a people, and yet they betray their insincerity
by the comparisons they are constantly instituting between
this country and their own. They denounce Democracy as
destructive of all moral and intellectual excellence, and yet
they appear dissatisfied that our worst do not equal their
best. On some Western steamboat they are thrown into a
socip.ble squad of cattle-drivers and horse-traders, whose
manners are not elegantly polished, and whose persons may
be redolent of other perfumes than Lubin's ; and they ex-
press*ihemselve^ disappointed because these rough but very
good fellows do not possess all the easy presumption of their

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BSGLI8H mtnSBS OV 41IEBICA. 185

nobOitj. They rail at ilie Republio, and jet expect it to da
voitdera. They are fond of contrasting England apd Ame-
rica, but they always place onr roughest citizens beside their
rii^est nobles. Indeed, to hear an Englishman talk, one
would very .naturally conclude that the nobility embraced
the whole nation, and London the entire country of Great
Britam. In discussing the manners and customs of the
English people, he invariably cites what my Lord what's-his-
name says, or His Grace of what-d'ye^sall-it, does. And
people in the largest cities of the provinces and remotest
parts of the kingdom, in alluding to London, speak of
"" gouig to town,'' just as a man living in the outskirts of one
of our villages speaks of going ^ down in town," when he
proposes a walk to the principal business street. If their
430 individuals of title really do monopolize not only the
virtues and accomplishijaents, which might be reasonably ex-
pected to be distributed among the twenty-seven millions of
people of Great Britain, but those of the $30 millions of the
universe, it would be extremely unjust to compare our most
refined classes with a circle so peculiarly favored. Accord-
ing to the British standard of excellence — ^money--our
weal^est ciUzens are veiy fax inferior to their rich middle
classes, and could not consequently be contrasted even with
' tiiem, without injustice. But the English are much too
cunning to be just ; they will not exhibit their commereial
and agricultural classes in oppositkm to ours, though even
then they would have immensely the advantage in wealth.
These are the only classes of society in the two countries
between which there exists a parallel Accordixig to their
own theory all classes in America should be infinitely inr
ferior to their nobility. We have no hereditary aristocracy,
with their vast advantages of wealth, of idleness, and legal
superiority ; but our merchMits, onr planters, our farmers,
and membej)i of the learned professions are our Iwat ; bat

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1B6 SNOU8H nratB.

these are always compared with their noUes, instead of their
corresponding classes in England. The ^' cits " of England
have always been regarded with scorn, and treated with
contempt. They were the fools and cuckolds of every faroe
from Wycherly to Garrick, and still continue the bulls io€
the sharp authors and titled blockheads who aspire to be
witty. But our more refined classes of citizens are thought
to present too favorable a contrast with their nobility, aad
our roughest Western pioneers are therefore selected as a*
suitable foil to aristocratic excellence. But what can pr<H
duce so extraordinary a difference between the commercial
and agricultural classes of the two countries, if it be not the
Bepublic ? I have made the suggestion, and leave the rest
to the reflections of my readers.

It is surprising how difficult it is to discover the basis)
on which rest pretensions so ample as those of the British
aristocracy. It is true that custom numbers all the nobility
among "the mighty men of Israel" Each noble Lord
boasts himself vastly superior to the untitled of the uni<(
verse, though the evidences of his superiority still contins^
a mystery. Less simple than Samson, he, has never betrayed'
to the world in what his strength really consists. He stu*
diously conceals its sources. Probably apprehending the
treachery of some new Delilah, he considers it safer to telk
about, than to display his immeasurable superiority. All safer
ready to admit that his estates are much more exteiisi7%
and his income much ampler, than those of ordinary iodi^
viduals, but surely he cannot found his pretensions on hift
fortune, for he professes heartily to despise money, and never
omits an opportunity to sneer at those who are toiling to
possess it.

'When we consider the fact that they possess all the ad-
vantages that wealth, uninterrupted leisure, and the super*
fictions awe of rank can give, it is strange how few scions^of «

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BHGUSH WBinEBS OV AIOBIOA. 187

B6bt« families have in tiie last two hundred years occupied
distinguished positions. ^And if we except Lord Byron, not
a single hereditary possessor of a title has made, during
that period, a name that will live. The government wisely
le^v<6 the nobility to sport the broad ribbons of the different
noble orders, and to sustain the arrogance of the country,
wMlst her honor is proteoted, and her battles fought by the
great minds that spring from the commons. The only in-
stance in which an attempt has been made to force distin-
guished rank into supplying the place of distinguished abil-
ities, the Duke of York committed such blunders, as Oom-
mander4n-Ghief in the Low Countries, as to be court-mar-
tililed for misconduct. When a Prince of the blood royal
is subjected to such a mark of the nation's disapprobation,
his incapadity must be gross indeed.

The world had a beginning, as every thing in it must
have. The b&sis of aristocracy is money. It is useless to
attempt to conceal it. Money founded, and money sustains
thte noble fiimilies of €hreat Britan. James I. enjoys the
honor of establishing a basis so worthy of the order. The
vilest of monarchs, for the vilest of purposes, erected the
stepping-stone, by which low-born opulence is wont to climb
into nobiHty.

^ When all those oft-tried extortions of tonnage and pound-
age; compulsory loans, and miscalled benevolences had been
exhausted, when every possible expedient to raise money had
been resorted to, except its legal appropriation by parlia-
ment, James I. created the order of Baronets, and retailed
the titles at £1000 apiece. Yet this despicable tyrant,
without a single redeeming quality, this King without dig-
nity, and pedant without sense, this unnatural son and
cruel father, this treacherous friend and pusillanimous foe,
in order to overturn the constitution of the country, and
trample upon the rights of his subjects, became the hucksterer

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of tikese new meaoB^ by which rieh parrenaes mf^i wpimf
the coveted ermme of the aristocracy. To evade the ooa-
stltutional presence of parliament, and bid defiance to thf
Liws, James established this traffic. And for filthy Incorfii
paid to such a monarch, in such a cause, a large majority of.
the founders of the present proud nobility of England
gained their baronetcy, which was then, as it is now, tiie aft:
techamber of aristocracy, from which upstart wealth ma)^
peep, on tiptoe, into the half-curtained windows of faahiodr
able revels. Those who will observe the enormous inarMm%
of the peerage since the reign of Elizabeth, may fona sofl|#'
idea of the number of persons who compounded with Jam^^
It is not surprising that the nobility should be so fond o£:
tracing back their genealogies. An origin so worthy ^
their tastes, so in accordance with their habits, is natmAUj
regarded with fond affection. They are right, piously to
hoard the pelf to which they owe so much. With Jam^s L
as an example for conduct, and money as their chief objoet.
in life, they will probably continue to be worthy of their il-
hustrious origin.

It is true that the refinements of society of the proMiil
day would be outraged by the audacity of Jameses shame-
less bargain and sale. Modem etiquette has changed th0
form of proceeding, but the principle which characterized ih$
transaction then, stamps it now. Cash is still the p«9S^
word, which admits any enterprising individual into thoge.
mysteriously exclusive cirdes, which are professedly guairdedr
with Masonic watchfulness.

But greater ehanges, than in the refinement of the peo?
pie, have taken place in England. It is "• the order," not
the Kii^, whose coffers now require replenishing. Since the
secure establishment of the English constitution, servile par?
liameuts have always been too zealous in filling the exohequec
of the sovereign, to make it necessary for him to resort la

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thme extraordhiar J expedients, alike degrading to the mon-
arch, and injurious to the subject, which commenced under ,
Henry VIII. and dnded with Charles I. Both his public
and private wants being thus happily provided for, it is not
on his own account, but to pour new and vigorous blood into
flie exhausted veins of ^ the order," that the sovereign now
graciously admits the bloated vulgarity of ridi snobs within
the magic circle of aristocracy. Money is a perishable sort
of Idling, and will not stick eternally to noblemen's fingers,
Itewever convulsively they may clutch it. But money is the
HfHbioodof the aristocracy, and money must be had at
6V«ry«acrifioe, to bolster up its greatness. Whenever there-
fid^ a despised citizen becomes rich enough to make his wealth
desirable, or his opposition feared, the Queen, who dotes on
ike order, as every sovereign ought, ingeniously discovers
(Wlae long-hidden virtue, which suddenly makes him worthy
0^ Knighthood. From that happy day the Cit belongs
8^1, body, and more than both, purse — ^to the nobility.
Hd already dreams of a coronet, and looks forward with
fond expectation to the intoxicating period, when he can
apnk of the privil^es of the nobility as his own.

- B«t it frequently happens, that the rare virtues and dis-
^guished merits of well-fed aldermen are so securely butied
ufid^r the ample folds of fat acquired in green-turtle indul-
gOineiB and civic potations, as to escape even the inquiring
piiielration of the Queen. Not even modesty could forbid,
niidor such circiimstanoes, that the deserving individual
i^uld give some gentle intimation of his having money
enough to insure him the possession of every earthly virtue.
A huge donation to some royal charity — to the crystal pal-
ace, or some other chimera from the Prince Consort's brains,
at once makes the Queen sensible of his hitherto unappreci-
ated oxeell^oe, and he becomes a Baronet The progress
from Baronet to Earl is easy and natural, when gold paves

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190 Esauea ctms.

the way. And although the fortunate aapira&t may not hka.
Belf do so, yet his son or his grandson are certain to enjoy
the ineffiEible felicity of breathing the balmy atmosphere of
those elevated regions, where ,both money and trade are so
heartily despised. *

Mr. Carlyle has particularly designated us as " eighteen
millions of the greatest bores ever seen in this world." I
greatly fear that his retired habits have not permitted the
distinguished gentleman a very extended acquaintance with
his well^ed countrymen. Had he been more general in kis
intimacies at home, I feel assured that candor would have
compelled him, in defiance of his known courtesy to America,
to award to his own countrymen a preeminence so w6U
earned, and universally acknowledged.

There exists a ponderous sympathy between the mi«ds
and persons of Englishmen, which renders them unrivalied
as ^* bores." Unwieldy and inert, neither is mu<^ addicted
to unnecessary exertion. They infinitely prefer eating to
talking. Indeed I may say that they are opposed to conver-
sation on principle. They regard even a limited indulgeaoe
in words as an unjustifiable interference with their* dinner,
and condemn it as a serious interruption to digestion, alter
dinner is over. Conversation is something therefore to be
eschewed by all sensible people. A Briton is emphatically
a silent animal. But we commend his silence since, like tihat
of the ass, it relieves us from the terrors of his bray. He
can, however, talk upon occasion, but woe unto him whom he
deems worthy of being talked to. For however disinter-
ested, or even complimentary, the intentions of the innocent
persecutor may be, the sufferings of his victim are not the
less acute. Surely the English must imbibe sfcupi4ity with
their food. Veal and lamb must certainly possess some
chemical affinity for their oleaginous brains, which, when
thoroughly established, forms a sluggish solution that most

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ENaUSH WBITBS8 OH AMSRICA. 191

prove an opiate for any mind that comes under its inflnenee.
Their liveliest conversation is a drowsy componnd of heef
and porter, enlivened by oft-told tales of England's glory,
and stale slanders of America. Their highest appreciation
of fan is to make Ireland^s sufferings the subject of some
senseless jest. The peculiarities of the bullock, and the
sheep have, through the magnetic influence of continued ab-
sorption, made themselves much more prominent in the dis-
positions of the people, than those distmguishing Apglo-
Sazon peculiarities, of which we hear so much, and know so
little. They have not become woolly, nor do they univer-
Bally wear horns, but the nobility are diemally bellowing
^oarth. the astounding deeds of their ancestors, whilst the
muttonish middle classes bleat a timorous approval Such
^dbjeots constitute their fund of amusing small talk, their

^ agreeable conversational recreation, their lively hits at the
passing unimportant.

But interest or vanity sometimes makes him hold forth
lA more serious strains. He often talks as '^ Jack " was
vo&t to ^' sing '^ — ^^ for his supper." It is an established
rule of his life never to omit an opportunity of feeding at
another's expense, and the remote prospect of an invitation
to dinner will make him bore his intended host, with the in-

. tention of making himself agreeable, by a rigmarole of
vapid nonsense, that would deafen a miller. His vanity,
too, will prompt him to great efforts to impress distinguished
strangers with his sparkling entertaining powers. His
topics for conversation for such extraordinary occasions are
hidden and deeply buried, but if once you reach them, like
the Artesian wells, they are inexhaustible. If he conceives
you to be a man of consideration, he will dilate on steamers
and railroads, in voluminous discourses, possessing all the
fatigue and ennui, without the expedition of those convey
anpes. He will assail you with prodigious accumulations of

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inlbniiAtioa on ooalS) and oyerwhelm you with statiatioal
tables eonoerning them, as dark and fathomless as their own
native pits. He will spin you tedions yarns about Man*
ohester manufaoturing, as endless as the thread of &te. He
will kindly favor you with an elaborate price-current of
hops for the past twenty years, which shall be* warranted
destitute of all the sprightly qualities of that artiole. And,
after haying put you comfortably into a doze by his learned
disquisitions on trifles^ he will arouse you by retailing the
kitchen gossip of every noble family in the kingdom, wkieh
is rather enlivening, as a pretty considerable dash of scandal
gives something like piquancy even to his dulness. The
English are undoubtedly strong believers in the substantial
Their minds, their persons, and their conversation are all
of a solidity which nearly approaches the heavy. But they
are not ^ bores," for Mr. Garlyle, a man of decided disorim*
ination, has never discovered them to be so ; although ill*
natured people might insinuate that his opinion was formed
upon the principle which induced the owl to believe her
nest-full of owlets the prettiest lot of young birds in the
world. •

Mr. Carlyle, in common with the rest of his nation, ooib
placently boasts of the acquirements of a few of his coui^
trymen, and raves about the wonders they have achieved.
It would be strange indeed, if from such vast pools of stag*
nant stupidity, some bright spirit did not. occasionally arisc^
as the Jack-o'-lantern springs from fetid bogs. It should be
remembered that these huge puddles have, for eighteen oen*
turies, been in a state of progressive preparation for such
phenomena, and yet the world has been dazzled by no illu-
mination of WilW-the-wisps. A leading spirit, every hun-
dred years, is no great things, even for lumbering Britain.
The intervals between Chaucer, Spenser, Shakspeare, Mil-
ton, and Byron, are rather long for England to sneer ai

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ENGLISH WRITERS ON AMERICA. 193

America, because she lias not yet p^odnced their equals.
But Great Britain possesses the happiest faculty of making
much out of little. The nation is never at a loss for the
bluster of a genuine bully. John Bull's course towards us
has always been that of an overgrown, lubberly lout, towards
A very young boy. He dares not measure his strength with
those of his own age, but, prompted by aspiring cowardice,
he delights to assume airs of superiority in derision of our
youth, and to boast of his own exploits in comparison with
dur inexperience. But when people recollect what we have
ftceoiiiplished in our short national existence of three-fourths
of a century, the world will not laugh with, but at the Bri-
tteh bumpkin, in his giggling self-complacency.

|klr. Oarlyle suddenly turns upon America, and taunting-
ly demands, ^ what great, noble thing, that one can worship
or loyally* admire, has yet been produced there ?" I am free
to acknowledge, that the activity and widespread intelligence
of our people are too great, to produce the brilliant phenom-
ena alluded to above. And it is not at all surprising that
their natural sprightliness should cause them to be consider-
ed " bores" by a man of Mr. Carlyle's sedentary habits and
phlegmatic disposition. It is tru^ that we support no mag-
nificent Archbishops at $75,000 a year to " worship ;'' nor do
we annually invest $1,925,000, in order to have a Queen
whom we may " loyally admire." But we can boast that
our country presents to the assembled world 23,000,000 of
the freest, happiest, and most enlightened people the sun
ever shone upon.

But Mr. Carlyle asserts that '' America with her roast
goose and apple sauce for the poorest working man,'' is still
^ not much." We have at least shown ourselves a match for
Qreat Britain in every contest, an4, according to the evi-
dence of the distingaiiihed essayist himself, we have every
reason t9 feel satined with our position. He pompously
9 •

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194 ENGLISH ITEMS.

announces that ^^ America's battle is yet to fight,'' that we
have done nothing. Is stilling the rushing currents of
rivers, and making them obedient to our arks of steam
nothing? Is it nothing to tame the withering lightning, and
lead it harmless by the habitations of men 1 Is it nothing
to annihilate space, and whisper with our antipodes ? ^' If
these be nothing,'' then Fulton, Franklin, and Morse ax«
nothing, and " the world and all that's in't are nothing."
Let Mr. Carlyle array all his Heroes of History, and show
the world another Washington, Where will he find more
fervid bursts of eloquence than our Adams, our Henry,
and Randolph have startled a nation with ? Where will he
find the aims of history writing better accomplished than
by Prescott and Bancroft 1 General Jackson taught the
British at New Orleans what our armies could accomplish.
And although the English nation, on every festive ^occasioja,
may shout with maudlin glee, that " Britannia rules the
waves," yet all the waters of all the oceans will not wash out
the records that Decatur, Perry, and Stewart have made in
the naval history of the world.

The English are eternally alluding to our national vanity,
and disposition to exaggerated boasting. These are quali-
ties which England appears to consider exclusively her own.
That she is immeasurably superior to all the nations upon
earth, she holds to be a corollar/'which no one would dare to
dispute. And she has always been so magnificently grandi-
loquent in self-glorification, that she deems it presumptioH
in any nation to attempt the same strains. If England
really be what she boasts, we ought to be excused for feel-
ing some little national pride ; for we have overcome her in
every contest — ^whether by sea or land, whether conteijding
with muskets or cannon, yachts, clippers^ or steamers, pa-
tent-lock pickers, or reaping machines, we have always beea
yjctorious. But her supremacy on the ocean has been her

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ebief Bonri^e of pride. I shall not be i&yidioos in enume-
rating the exploits of Panl Jones, nor shall I be unkind in
dwelling upon our brilliant naval victories during the war of
1812 ; I shall base our claims upon the peaceful victories of
competition. It is scarcely necessary to allude to the victo-
ry gained by the yacht America ; but I will remind my
readers that we have the fastest time ever made by sailing
vessels. The Witch of the Wave, an American elipper of
1400 tons, made the voyage from China to England in 90
days, the fastest on record. Her greatest run in one day
was 389 miles, whilst the greatest run in one day ever re-
ported by an English ship was less than 370 miles. The
Bacer, of 1700 tons, made her first voyage from New* York
to Liverpool in the unprecedented time of 14 days; but
the WashiDgton accomplished the same voyage in 13^ days.
It is scarcely necessary to allude to the glorious victory
achieved by the Collins steamers over the Cunard line.
John Bull is not much given to acknowledge himself sur-
passed in any thing ; he must be completely whipped before
he will confess it himself As an evidence of how badly he
feels himself beaten I give the following extracts.

English Yaobib and Amsbican Clufbbs. — ^Yesterday evening Mc
Soott Buesell delivered a lecture before the Royal Institution on English
Yaehts and American Clippers: —

'^ England) he observed, wrapped up in her prejudice^ had been
excelled in the art of ship-bu^diDg by the Amerieanei^ who followed in
this matter common sense and the laws of nature for their guides. He, .
however, believed it was only necessary for us to be assured of our
present inferiority, to produce a stimulus that should result in placing
us first in the competition. A premium under the old British law of
tonnage had been held out to the construction of bad ships, and our
yacht dubs adopting this law had increased the evil. There was a
time when speed need not be considered a necessary quality in mer>
chant ships^ which were held to be good in proportion to the amount
of cargo they would stow away—with no reference to speed-^nd but

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little to fulety; Koir» however, smoe the disooreiy of gold at the ai^
tipodee^ speed, wasdnore than erer an object^ and thwefore .under the
stimuliiB thus begotten, the lecturer predicted the building of ehi^
within the next ten years very far exceeding in size and speed any we
had already seen. Twenty miles an hour, he believed, would be not
an extraordinary speed for the new race of vessels, and their length
might amount to 600 feet In point of fact^ the longer a ship, the
safer, the swifter, the better was die, provided only her materials were
strong enough to withstand the increased strain.' By adopting iron in-
stead of wood as a shipbuilding material, this n^c^saMuy degree of
strength might be secured." — Obsef^er*

And the following from the Times :

The truth must be told-»the British steamships have been beaten^
and the most rapid passages ever achieved between the Old and New
World have been accomplished by the American steamships. Kone
but an American steamship has ever yet run from Liverpool to New-*
York and vice versa in less than ten days. The average passage of the
Asia and Africa may, perhaps, nearly equal those of the Pacific, Baltic^
and Arctic of the Collins line ; but the Americans have achieved the
positiw victory in speed, their steamers — ^the Pacific, Baltic and
Arctic — having madis the fleetest voyages. On the part of the Ameri-
cans the contest has been carried on at vast cost^ and additional grants
from Ck>ngre8s, ostensibly for the mail service, but in reality from the
national spirit of rivalry, have only recently been obtained to prevent
the project from perishing by reason of an enormous inequality between
receipts and eitpenditures. On the part of the British, while heavy
amounts have been paid by the exchequer, and a large profit has been
made by the contractors, the Messrs. Cunard, the defeat had been
accepted only to renew the attempt iff the hope and expectation of
mature and eventual success.

, A great change has recently occurred in the tone of the
daily press of England towards America. She is evidently
waking up to the consciousness of who we really are. I hope
my readers will bear with me in ofifering some extracts from
daily papers in illustration of thia somewhat mysterious
ehange in the style of. addressing America, ^he following

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toe from the Tim^, with their dates and subjects attached,
about the period principally of the Boundary question, and
the MoLeod difficulty.

We have boundary qnestio&fl, which, it is too manifest^ fhat the
Iforth American republic -will struggle hard to convert into means of
our injury and humiliation. — Hmet Leader on the Minietryt February
24, 1840.

The eirf igh tea tted and upright portion of the North American people
do not form the rulinff power therein ; the supreme power is in the
numerical majority. The Bumerical majority of the United States are,
we apprehend, and the impreasioa^is a mournful one, among the least
enlightened and the least conscientious of communities calling them-
selves " dyilized."— Xfocfer on Reduction of the Navyy March 7, 1840.

We are bound to resist this oyerbearing demand of the United
States^ and, if the demand be maintained on their part vi et armie,
England^ vt et amUe, must repel it — Leader, April 18, 1840.

Save only when that government had placed itself in an attitude
of indirect^ though obvious^ ofience towards England, by totally fiuling
to check, and eeareely fiuling to encourage, the criminal outrages of
large bands of armed villains upon the provinces of the Queen of Eng-
land, into which they carried fire, blood, and desolation. — Leader,
April 28» 1840.

The conduct of the people of Maine has proved that their purpose
is to establish a system of encroadmient in aU directions; to push us
to the wall wherever they meet with British subjects^ or can find them ;
to wiing from us first one specific concession, and so habituate us to
the practice of yielding, that whenever they begin 1» huUy^ we shall
prepare to yield, and, at last^ not have one acre of ground to stand
upon. — Leader, April 27, 1840.

CSreurastaneee have been stated, which jus^y a. presumption that

the report of Colonel Mudge and his colleague is to be relied upon by

Lord Palmerston, as one of the main vouchers, in the nature -of an

- <^poiogy, for concessions of British rights more abjectimd injurious tha^

t^is country has yet beec sufficiently humbled to suffer.->^une 27

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106 BHeLUH TTEMB.

•
Any person who paid sttentioii (and who has not ?) to the olamoi*
of the repablican newspapers^ must faaye been persuaded, had he not
known better, that the dtizens of the State of Maine were a set of
the most oppressed and iU-nsed of God*8 creatures^ — ^lambs worried by
the prowling wolves of England, — ^turtle doves flattered in their nest»
— -etiieken and sighing sufferers under wanton injury. — Leader on
Boundary Report, July SI, 1840.

For a specimen of solemn gravity, bordering on ihe ludicrous, a
panJlel to this has seldom presented itself: — " How men pretending, as
it is to be presumed these do, to ai^ share of public charaeter, could
come before the world with such an exhibition, is past all comprehen-
sion except their own." — Leader on Correepondenee between Wehtter and
Biddle, September 16, 184a

The Oregon Question has once or twice already been alluded to by
Mr. Van Buren in his official messagee^ though in language eleek and sty,
so that in iSftct it becomes a matter of serious inquiry whether the safer
policy might not be to fight like men for all our rights at once, than,
after a dozen pettifogging disputes^ to sacrifice them all in succeesion. —
February 19, 1841.

He was as good as any other British subject for a peg on whidi to
hang a provocative to war, and plenty of conscientious Yankees^ it
would appear, were at hand to swear his personal presence on board
the Caroline. — Our relatione with Prance and America, — Mr, MeLeod,
—February 19, 1841.

What will be the course of the British (Government? Need we aak
the question ? Yes^ we must; although it be one which the country,
if not the ministem^ will promptly answer. The consequences of Mr.
MoLeod's judicial murder must be War,

The attempt^ therefore, to shufBfe off the obligation of redress for a
wrong perpetrated upon Great Britain, in the person of her subject^
from the United States Government, which originally claimed jurisdic-
tion over the whole question, upon the flhoulders of the State of New-
York alone, is adding levity and ridicule to insult and oppression. —
Leader.—MeLeod.—TAaiQh. 6, 1841.

A document^ which we do not scruple to describe as the most virti-
len1| unprincipled, and revolting^ that has ever disgraced the nAwrdi

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ef any people, hower immerBed in the rudest or most eorrapt yice. —
On Report of Committee on Foreign Affairs to the Hottse of Represen-
tatives, March 9, 1841. •

As far as the American people have had time to degenerate from
their British origin into a distinctiye national character, we are afraid
that that chaiucter consists^ for the. most part^ in empty pretension
and puff. Having began their republican career with a deep tincture
of yanity, occasioned by their successful struggle for independence, and
having afterwards enjoyed considerable mercantile prosperity, as the
principal cotton growers for the European markets, they seem to have
strutted into a precocious and unnatural self-importance, as if their
political and commercial resources had attained a maturity, which,
under the guidance of democratic infallibility, rendered every chance
of miscarriage an inconceivable thing. — Banks^ April 16, 1841.

But that as long as the American Government find that we may be
trifled with, with impunity, they are willing to gratify the passions of
tiie populace, by anticipations of the judicial murder of one of the
Queen of England's officers: If by any fatal mischance that monstrous
act should ever be consummated, the horror and disgust of the whole
civilized world will fall as heavily on the statesman by whom it was
tolerated, as on the savages by whom it was committed.'-^.ifcX«o^ Au-
gust 5, 1841.

It requires we fear a stronger arm than that of the existing Federal
Government of America, to control the arrogant, imjust, and turbulent
spirit which the "pattern democracy*' is apt to carry into its control
vermes and negotiations with foreign states. The Boundary Question
has awakened a spirit of direct hostility to England on the Northern
frontier, the emancipation of the black population of the British
colonies, in the West Indies^ has been witnessed with feelings of rancor
snd dread by the slave States of the South. In private life the
nefarious abuse of British capital, too confidingly intrusted to a people
of speculators^ has led the Americans to get up a cry against the nation
they have plundered. — On Relaiions between England atid America,
August 18, 1841.

But in spite of all this fume and sputter, we would give the Ame-
rians any favorable odds they please in betting on the security of
MoLeod's life. We know the infirmities of transatlantic eitizenship

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tolembly well. It is astonuhmg what big talk and what imdaimted
temerity they will make use of in a case like this.

With snch a Minister, equally temperate and micompromislng^ we
cannot donbt that if actaal hostilities be proyidentially ayerted, the
Americans will at least be taught a lesson which in future will lead
them to a truer estimate of their self conceit and arrogance liian they
yet appear to have formed. Pompous bombast in this qtiarter <^ the
world has not gone out of fashion. — MeLeod, Oct 12, 1841.

If the Americans cannot repress their insolent aggressions upon
British territory, the Queen of England will assuredly do it for them.
If a systematic series of outrages must needs be inflicted on the British
Crown, Her Majesty's forces^ instead of abstaining from doing the
duties of the Alburgh magistracy, will in all probability find ways and
means of asserting *her great national rights under the toalU of New-
York itBel£ And if it must come to that, God send us a good deli-
yerance. — Leadefy on General Affairs, Oct 18, 1841.

Poor Judge Gridley, — one can scarcely read his elabohite summing
up, without a compassionate smile ; conceiying that he had to deal with
the most important cause that had eyer agitated the world, the anzioua
functionary seems to haye been literally bowed down to the dust under
the weight of his £Emcied responsility. The quiet and humble apairt*
ment he set in^ became, in his excited inu^nation, " the solemn temj^
of Justice,** the presence of a few straggling Canadians, whom curiosity
had attracted to the spot^ was felt to be so flattering to the solemnity^
that the judge publicly complimented them as " distinguished actors in
the scenes of blood and suffering^" connected with the snppresuim of

the McKenzie rebellion: and after indulging in a long and

wasteful expenditure of profound judicial tatos, the complacent lumi-
nary was constrained, at lasty to let the jury retire. — McLeocTa Acquit-
tal, Nov. 1, 1841.

We haye our laws^ and it is mere arrogant impudence, mere
presuming on English gullibility, to demand of us to govern by any
other. — Detention of the Brig (Creole, March 21, 1842.

A generous concession to a generous claimant is one thing ; to invite
Brother Jonathan to help himself from om* pockets is another : we are
ready to be liberal, but we must not be bullied into giving half-a-crown
to a known swindler. — Leader, Feb. 6, 1842.

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JFrenchmen are sometimes impertuiexiti Irishmen impudent^ Weld^
men voluble, Englishmen blnstering, SoQtchmen cool ; but the conjoint
ooolnese^ blustering, yolubilitj, impudence, and impertinence of a true
Yankee, has a height, and depth, and breadth about it^ whieh "flogs**
each of these nations^ in their most eharaoteristic aceomplishment

The PennsylTanisn farmer or merdiant^ knows that his creditoi%
grumble as they may, cannot, pocket U» CanadaS) or ship off the rail-
roads. He puts his hands in his pockets* aud his feet on th$ chimney-
piece, hugs himself in comfort over his growing income, and takes care
to look for a repudiating representative, in the State Legislature.

This IB, was* and will be the American cry, "give I gitel give I**
but the English counter cry will be "pay I pay! pay I" Before you
elpect us to entertain a dingle argument you use — "pay your debts ; **
till then you have no right *to a place among honest nations; Unless
you come with your money in your hand, and pay down upon delivery,
buy not at all, barter not at all, — and if you must needs be negotiat-
ing, negotiate with the convicts <rf Botany Bay. — Leackr, Nov. 14* 1848.

That such views as these should be current among the people, is,
perhaps, what the holders of Pennsylvanian bonds might expect* dis-
creditable but natural: but that they should be deliberately promulgat-
ed by the highest authority in the United -States* in his most solemn of-
ficial manifesto, is an additional fmd unnecessary dishonor, arising as
we have said, from the practice of requiring from that personage an an-
nual palaver in ext€n9o for the satisfaetion of an unprincipled though
"/rw and enHghtmed" public-— 0» PruideniU Menage, Dec 29, 1848.

The change in the tone of the Times from that period,
is almost startling in its abmptness. Thej can now talk of
'' consideration for th$ feelings of a people so nearly con*
neoted with ourselves.'' Thej seemed formerly ignorant
that we had any feelings at all — and I must confess^ that
considering the intimacy of the connection, they have been
somewhat tardy in making the discovery. It appears that
the danger of the fishery question plead much more power-
fully in our behalf than these tenderly chronicled ties of
consanguinity. The rest of the press following in the dis-
tance the bolder strides of their leader, now honor us with
9*

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tibe appellation of *^ our rirals in commerce and anns," and
courteoasly discourse upon the sort of consideration with
which ^so powerful a nation" should be treated. The
Times can now pathetically enlarge upon the probable in-
conrenienoe to American fishermen, which must arise from
the hasty proceedings of the Derby administration, and in
a tone of chiding remonstrance to the government, they ob-
serre:

It is more than pi*obable that American fishermen have been Ires^
passing but their trespass has been so far nnheeded, that notice of
altered resolutions on our part might have been £&irly expected, while
the true interests of both countries are so plainly dependent on good
understanding and reciprocal concessions^ that the yery last resort
should have been to any proceeding which might resemble a menace.
Least of all should a crisis have been selected for the experiment, when
the prepamtions of the fishermen were too far advanced to be stopped,
and when the ordinary good sense of the community was so suspended
by constitutional incidents as to leave it at the control of even an Irish
mob.

It appears that even the Times can be extremely mild
and conciliatory in its tone towards America, though dis-
cussing a question calculated to develope all its proneness to
vituperation. What could be gentler than the following
extract, in which they remonstrate more in sorrow than anger
with the Americans for their somewhat intemperate pro-
oeedings. ^ The sweet south " would scarcely breathe more
softly " o*er a bank of violets," flian comes the bewailing
ceniSnre of the following :

Iiong usagcv previous concessions, and even arguments of a broader
and more general kind, suggest that the question should be treated in
a liberal and conciliatory spirit; but the law of the case, to which the
Americans have sointemperately appealed, is decidedly against them;
and while we regret that measures calculated to irritate a sensitive
nation should Lave been so hastily adopted, we ai*e constrained to ob-

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SBPve that their own proceedings have been equally precipitate, and
that Boch views as were expressed in the Senate are ill adapted to
promote a settlement of the dispute. It is no credit to either State that
its fifst step on an occasion like this should have been to equip war-
steamers for action, and we trust that the awakening sense of both
countries may speedily dispatch the affair by a more reasonable appeal

. To speak of England and Amerioa as equals, is certainly
a novel idea — and actually to appeal to our " sense," as if
we were reasonable people, is a condescension in Mr. Times,
of which we bowie-knife barbarians should feel properly
sensible. It certainly didn't use to be so.

What a change in their notions of our importance is
developed in th« following from the same paper :

The Dibasteous War at the Cape. — While all eyes are intent on
the threatening aspect of the storm which seems about ta break upon
us from the north-west^ our attention is for the moment diverted by
one of tbe periodical accounts of the tempest which has been so long
i-agiug in the south-east From the icy shores and stormy seas of I4ew-
foundland and Nova Scotia we are abruptly recalled to the desert
plains and burning rocks of South Africa. Sandilli takes the place of
Mr. Webster, and the capture and recaptm*e of sheep and cattle replace
the contest which is going on for the possession of unconscious cod and
mackerel.

They seem suddenly made aware, that America can raise
a storm. No ^* tempest in a teapot," but a veritable squall
along the '' icy banks and stormy seas of Newfoundland and
Nova Scotia;" fierce enough to make " Britannia '' slightly
apprehensive, though she does "rule the waves." They
seem to consider us of too much importance to be wholly
despised — and have actually elevated us to the rare dis-
tinction of being mentioned in the same category with the
rebellious Hottentots and savage OafFres, who have been
summarily thrashing all the commanders-in-chief the govern-
ment has successively sent out for the last twelve months.

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It appears from the following extract, that even the
Times has concluded that our just ire cannot be excited
with impunity — ^and has recently become conyinced that
" it cannot be the part of sound statesmanship " to '^ arotise
the temper " of our people.

« If we have rights^ which, after long negligence, we now chooM to
enforce — well and good ; but it at least behooyes ns to afford the adrene
party fair notice of, and full reason for, our altered proceedings. Es-
pecially this behooves ns when dealing with the United States^ whose
government is influenced, whether it will or not^ by every prevalent
temper of their people. To arouse the temper of that people by any
unexpected proceeding, wearing a hostile aspect, cannot be the part of
sound statesmanship. Unfortunately our "Conservative" statesmen,
in dealing with the Americans^ are apt to miss the just and dignified
medium, between truckling and bullying. Where Lord «^berdeen be-
trayed alacrity to capitulate, Lord Malmesbury iudicates velleitiee to
menace. Mr. Webster communicates to the Beaton Courier the oopy
of a dispatch firom Mr. Everett^ United States Minister in London in
1845, transmitting a note of Lord Aberdeen, to tiie effect that the Brit-
ish government had come to the determination to concede to American
fiMhermen the right ofpurtuing their occupation within the Bay of Fun-
dy. If this document is cited accurately, a pretty picture is presented
of that school of statesmen who, seven years back, made o\)^* American
friends a gratuitous present of those very rights -which they now, all of
a sudden, send vessels of war to vindicate. — Olobe.

How anxious they now are to claim us as relations,
whom they formerly most delighted to yillify, appears from
the " iG^lobe " comments : —

Whatever abruptness there has appeared in the manner of proceed-
ing on our part^ no substantial ground of offence has been given by that
proceeding to our republican kinsfolk. It can be no substantial ground
of offence to euforce admitted rights — ^rfghts infringed admittedly. But
it is convenient U) infringe theml It is. In such cases^ rights must
either be appropriated by robbery, or obtained by purchase.

The ^ Republican kinsfolk " are growing in importance.

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XNGLIBH WBITXR8 ON AUSBICA. 205

and conseqnently in the intimacy of the &inilj ties, that
they have been something less than a century in recollecting.
They can now acknowledge superior enterprise to Ameri-
cans in something at least

We are indneed on good inlbrmAtioii to believe^ tiiat the taperior
BOOGeesof the Americaiis is mahily attributable to the sniterior method *
they adopt in capturing the fidi. Whilst the opemtions of ouf fisher-
men are Mmited to the boat-shore fishing, they are engaged in the bank
and deepHwa fishing. In the net and seine fishing they are likewise in
adYBnce of our fishermen. The superior system adopted in the ood and
mackerel fishery by the Americans, would of itself account for the dis-
parity between thdr prosperous yoyages and the scanty catch of the
Colonial fishermen of those descriptions of fish. In Sir Charles Lyell's
*" Second Visit to the United States,'' we find the following passage
[toL H, p. 856], which aiSfords additional illustrati<m of the like sources
of anceess as those above indicated in Brother Jonathan's fishing and
oth^ enterprises. Brother Jonathan "looks alive," and keeps awake.

It seems indubitable that there is '^ danger " in disturb-
ing the amicable relations according to ^'the Chronicle."

But in addition to the injury which his selfish and une(H]atitutiaDal
course is inflictiug on the commercial interests of the community, we
have, in the pending dispute on the subject of the American fishmes, a
still more strildng pro<^ of the mischief and danger of prolonging the pre^
sent political uncestainty. In the first place, with regard to the fiscal put
of the question, Sir John Pakington has taken a step which gravely com-
prmblses the relations between this country and our American coloniei^
and which is in direct oontravention to the spirit of that Free-trade pcdicy
which it is certain that the new Parliament will decidedly mamtain. H
the legidature had been sitting, would it have permitted the Colonial Se-
cretary to sanction the Colonial proposition for bounties ? And if it would
not» is it not plain that the country has been jockeyed, against its delibe-
rate will, into this little trick of Transatlantic protection ? But this is the
least important aspect of the affair. As regards the more serious question
of our amicable relations with the United States, the imminent danger
of intrusting so delicate a negotiation to a "moribund" Gk>verament
is but too apparent

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But this question of the ^^ danger '^'^ of trifling with
America, is put beyond all cavil by the " Times."

We are informed upon the authority (^ Ministerial orgnns^ that the
whole question has now been Yirtaally settled by liberal negotiation ;
and so easy and desirable was such a result^ that we can scarcely dis-
credit the report; but the intelligence of Monday announces that
American cruisers are actually on their way to tiie fishing gronndsi
and no limit can be put to the dttiger of a policy which brings the
ships of two such nations as Great Britain and the States into
menaciDg, if not hostile furesence.

The two following are from the " Chronicle."

The graye misunderstanding between this country and the United
States^ to which the question of the American fisheries has given rise
--Hmd which appears to be daily growing m^e serious — ^will go a long
way to dispel any amiable prejudices which enthusiastic persons majr
entertain in fiiyor of improvising Secretaries of State. Sir John
Pakington and Lord Malmesbury have contrived, by their ignorance
and folly, to blunder into a position in which it is impossible for them
either to advance with justice, or to retreat with honor.

Even if we judge the conduct of ministers from their own view of
what is expedient, tiiey might at least have known that the Americans
are about the last people in the world from whom any thing is to be
obtained by bluster and bullying. There are no two countries in
which national jealousies take fire so quickly, or ra^ so fieixjely, on
questions of foreign politics, as in England and the United States. In
dealing with a free people like the Americans, it is above all things
necessary that, before a claim is preferred — and, much more, before
any attempt is made to enforce it — its exigency and validity should be
dearly ascertained and established. It appears^ however, that Lord
Malmesbury has proceeded to tl^ extreme measure of seizing American
vessels, on grounds which are totally inadequate to justify such a step.
It is impossible to contemplate without painful uneasiness the conse-
quences of BO rash and foolish an exploit

These extracts from the Chronicle intimate a rather
' more flattering estimate af our national importance than

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English jcmrnals were wont fotmerlyto contain. But it
would be the height of injustice not to allow the Times to
"sum up" on this subject. Hear him and wonder'

Latb Dispute with America. — The Colonies and Protection. — ^By
this time we hope our dispute with the United States af America is
over, and we trust that all parties will return without delay to those '
amicable feelings and friendly relations which our Govemment has so
needlessly disturbed. It is not, however, of the obvious and glaring
errors of the Govemment of England, or the wild and precipitate pro-
ceedings of the American Legislature, that we wish now to speak.
Our desire is to make the danger we have just escaped the subject of
a few pi*actical reflections, which we submit to the' good sense of the
English nation. We have been on the verge of a war with a nation
which, from its identity 'in race and language with ourselves, would
have proved a truly formidable enemy--A maritime and commercial
people who would have met us with our own arms, on our own
element^ and visited our commerce with mischiefs similar to those
which we should have inflicted upon theirs. So closely are the two
countries united, that every injury which we might inflict on our
enemy would have been almost as injurious to our merdianta as bom*
barding our own towns, or sinking our own ships. And yet it is no
exaggeration to say that with this people we were on the very verge
of war, for, had we persevered in carrying out with a high hand, by
seizure and confiscation, our own interpretation of the treaty, a colli-
sion with the American Commodore was unavoidable; and such a
collision must almost necessarily have been followed by a formal dedarar
tion of hostilities. Now, what is the question which has so nearly led
to such serious results ? It is simply whether a certain quantity of the
salt fish consumed in these islands shall be caught by citizens of the
United States or natives of our own colonies. The question whether
American fisheimen shall be allowed to spread their nets in the Bay
of Fundy is one in which the people of this country have no imagina-
ble interest; they will neither be richer nor poorer, stronger nor
weaker, more admired or more feared, should they secure the monopoly
of fishing in these northern waters to the inhabitants of the sea-coast
of our North American colonies.

I find a very appropriate termination for my extracts in
the Examiner.

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Tbs RcnxAx:-— We said last week that the Eogliah misiBtay woidd
have to beat a haetj and dugraeeM retreat in the American brawl.
Already it has done so. The aet of cowardice baa followed bard on
that of bloater and defiance^ and the Americana renuun not only
maateri of what they had, bat gainers of considerably more. It is
announced by tbe organs of the ministry that the matter in dispute has
been amicably arranged between Lord Malmesbury and Mr. Abbott
Lawrenee, the former agreeing to thro^ open to the United States all
the British fisheries at greater distances than three mUes from our
coasts^ and the latter making the same concession to England of the
American fisheries. Thus erery point in question is given up on the
English side, while at the same time, by what the Standard calls ** an
arrangement of perfect reciprocity,'' the Americans giye up nothing at
all, and get a great deal. If there had been any other fisheries worth
naming in these American waters except those off our own coasts^ the
brawl could never have arisen.

I sliall make no comments on tbe miraculous change of
tone towards America, in the press, or rather in the Times,
which is a synopsis of the press, from 1840 to 1852. The
extracts I have made at the two perbds speak for l^emaelTea.
I will simply ask my readers whether they believe tiiis very
perceptible change to result from the fact of England^
haying more interests to protect now than then, or from her
having, by some mysterious process, become aware that wO'.
are rather more powerful than she imagined when she talked
blood and powder about the Boundary question and the
MoLeod difficulty? Was it the sense of danger, or gentle
^consideration" for our ^' feelings," which has produced so
marvellous a contrast in the style of addressing us ? Was
it prudence or affection which dictated the change ? Have
we grown so much better, or so much more powerful in the
opinion of the English press, that we are now treated with
something like the respect usually extended towards other
nations ? Has '^ the Times " became more tolerant of a nation
of swindlers, or has policy suggested a Uttle flattering dec€fit ?
Again I say ihe extracts speak for themselves.

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SNGXJ8H HAITKXBS.

CHAPTER VL

EKGLISH MANNERS.

IT is not surprising that an Englishman shodid be awk*
ward, and reserved in his manners. In his apprehension
of addressing some one above or below him, he lives like a
man on a sharp fence between a mad bull and biting dog.
If he rashly ventures down on one side, some haughty supe-
rior may contemptuously toss him ; and if he cautiously
slides off on the other, he incurs the danger of being pulled
down and worried by an inferior. Eith^ catastrophe would
be equally terrible in its results to him ; and his only alter-
native is to remain mum, and bolt upright. How could aa
individual under such circumstances be otherwise than con-
stiained, unnatural, and ill at ease.

Such is his Ufe, his <mly consolation being in venting hia
ill-humor on dependents. He delights in creating a sensation
in public places by blustering among the waiters. He is fbnd
of displaying his breeding by ordering unusual or impossible
things. Nothing seems to afford him such exquisite enjoy*
ment as setting a whole establishment in commotion. It is
ludicrously terrific to witness the emphatic fierceness with
which he will thump the table, and noisily declare his deter-
mination not to leave it, till his demands, however absurd or
unreasonable they may be, have been complied with. Such
conduct cannot fail, in his opinion, to inspire all beholders
with respect, and to impress them with high notions of hia

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aristocratic rearing. He grumbles on principle, and finds
fault in order to be well served. He makes it a rule nerer
to express himself satisfied with any thing that is done for
him. He is afraid to appear pleased. He laboriously avoids
manifesting any thing like enthusiasm ill public places of
amusement, and never ac^owledges the slightest pleasure
at any entertainment however sumptuous. If he did, peo*
pie might suppose that he had never been accustomed to any
thing better ; whilst it is his darling wish to' produce the im-
pression that he was ^ bom so high," that nothing gotten up
by inferior mortals for his amusement could merit his appro-
bation. His tastes are too refined, his habits too luxurious
to be gratified among the herd. Content is plebeian, and ap-
plause decidedly vulgar. A peasant can feel one, "the
groundlings " do the other. An English gentleman should
consequently know neither. How could h6 be guilty of
such injustice to his caste, as to appear amused by what
other people took interest in? And besides, if he should so
far forget himself, as to appear contented with what he or-
dered of a menial, the English would immediately conclude
that he was not much accustomed to being waited on. 86
after all, if an Englishman was not morose by nature, the
trammels of the society in which he lives would inevitably
make him so. Circumstances compel him to be noisy, blus-
tering, and bullying, with those whose services his money
temporarily commands ; whilst it is equally incumbent on
him to be silent and forbidding among those whose position
in life he is not perfectly well assured of It would be as'
shocking to his sense of his own importance in encouraging
the advances of others, to bo^ contaminated by familiar in-
tercourse with an individual of inferior pretensions, as to
be snubbed in too boldly addressing somebody, whose rank
conferred on him tho privilege of being rude. He can never
approach a stranger without braving this double danger ;

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XHOLI8H MAKHXBS. 211

oenaequeiitlj the delicate nerves of snobbisliness make bim
keep his distance and hold his peace.

Ihiring mj wanderings in the East, I became acquainted
at Jerusalem with a wealthy English banker, whose chief
delight was to boast of his noble connections, and arbtocra-
tio associations. He had travelled much, though with . no
decided advantage to a naturally contracted and violently
^ejudiced mind. He was far from being either intellectual
or well informed ; and yet he was an extremely entertaining
companion, from the unsuspecting display of such a cata-
logue of absurdities, as is rarely possessed even by an Eng-
lishman. Among very many extraordinary and highly amus-
ing disclosures he was daily in the habit of making to us,
with regard to himself and his country, he on one occasion
alluded to the inexorable nature of the laws governing fash-
ionable circles in England. He informed us that it was
destruction to a man's position in society to wander, even
inadvertently, beyond the confines of his particular class ;
and in illustration of his remark, related a little adventure
which had once occurred to himself. He was one night dur-
ing the fall of the year going from Dover to Ostend. It
was bitterly cold, and sleeting in that driving-piercing sort
of way, only observable in England and off her coasts.
Scarcely had they emerged from the dock when they disco-
vered it was extremely rough. Our banker found it impos-
sible to remain in the cabin below, which was soon rendered
noisome by the number of seasick passengers, who had taken
zefnge there from the weather. His only alternative there-
fore was to continue on deck, exposed to the pitiless storm
that was then raging. During the somewhat melancholy re-
flections produced by his situation, for, singularly enough, he
happened to be without an overcoat, a strange gentleman of
remarkably prepossessing appearance approached him, and
diaoovering bis forlorn coi^ition, politely begged his accept-

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anoe of a beayy eoat wUch he had with him, in addKsoii to

the one he himself wore. The protfTered coat was j<rjrfally
accepted by onr shivering acquaintance, who sought in vain
for words si^ciently jbo thank the unknown passenger for so
unexpected a kindness. So agreeable an incident reiy na-
turally led them into conversation. The banker wasohamh
ed with the other. He discovered that in addition to his
unusually graceful manners, he was a man of decided iiiteV
ligence and rare information. So much was he delighted
with his new friend, that they spent the night together <m
deck, conversing on a multitude of different subjects, of ali
which the stranger possessed the same familiar knowledge;
The banker was as much impressed by his appearance and
address, as he was charmed by the very ezlxaordinary pofw^
ers of conversation he continued to display during the whole
voyage. In parting with him on the pier at Ostend, -i»
warmly acknowledged his indebtedness to his kindness, and
expressed a hope to have the pleasure of his farther aequaint-
ance. But previous to his making some effort to show his
appreciation of the pbligation under which the stranger had
placed him, his caution suggested the propriety of making
some inquiries as to who he was, as he might possibly com-"
promise himself by some unworthy association. " What,"
continued he in his relation of the anecdote to us, ^^ was mf
consternation in discovering that he was a rioh linen-draper^
who was about to make a short tour on the continent. 7he
presence of such a man I could never acknowledge even by
a bow, without seriously endangering my own standing. So^
I determined if possible to shun him, not wishing to be the
occasion of any unnecessary mortification to a man who had
been polite to me. But the fates had ordained it otherwise.
What was my horror when, that very morning, I met him
JsLce to face in the street. What was I to do? I remelnb^^
ed I had a position in society to mainta'in, so letU him^ and-

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fetunied kis polite bow in£h a surprised stare, that was
meant to inquire what insolent fellow presumed to bow to
me without an introduction? I was sorry to do it, for I must
Acknowledge that I have rarely met a man with whose man-
ners and conyersation I lelt so much pleased ; but his occu-
potion precluded the possibility of my so far demeaning my-
self, as to acknowledge that such a person had had it in his
power to oblige me. Besides, if I had eyen coldly returned
bis salutation, he might on some ftiture occasion haye had
the imp^rtinenoe to bow to me at the opera, or in Begenf-
street, whieh would haye ruined me with all my West-end
tboquaintanceB. The only course left me, was the one I pur-
sued — ^to out him in the beginning. It yery probably sayed
b»^ df us nmch future annoyance.^' This wholesale shayer
— ^this man of flint, who preys upon the necessities, and
liyeff by the misfortunes of his fellow men, felt contaminated
l^y reeeiyiBg a kindness from a haberdasher, because, for-
sooth, he was dignified by the elephantine title of Banker,
What opinion must we entertain of the mind and heart of a
i&9kn,'Who could unfeelingly insult another, whose bearing
had cfo fayorably impressed him, simply because he pursued
an occupation less &shionable, 'tis true, but equally as re-
spectable and fEur more honest than Ms own % What esti-
iftate can we place upon the refinement of the society whio]i
compels its yietims to descend to low-bred yulgarity and
bmtal rud^aess in order to retain in it their positions? A
p^ation so preearious, as to be endangered by the simple
aeknowledgment'of a fayor to the humblest man who was
honesty seems to me to be scarcely worth haying. Had there
been any thing peculiarly repulsiye^in the man's appearance,
pr obtrusiye in his naanners^ — ^had the banker discoyered
upon inquiry, that he had been engaged in some disreputable
pursuit, or that suspicions howeyer yague had oyer been
wbiapcved agunst the integrity of his past conduct, he mi^t

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have been ezcussble for fonnaUy expressing his thanks, and
afterwards treating him with sufficient coldness of manner
plainly to intimate that he desired no greater intimacy.
But when he himself had declared the stranger to be a most
delightful companion, and had candidly acknowledged the
decided suffering from which Mb polite offer of his coat had
relieyed him, his conduct was a barbarity which an English-
man only could perpetrate. How insecure must be the
basis of that rank, which could be toppled over by a nod of
> recognition to a man whose only offence was in being a re-
tail merchant. What contempt must we feel for a nation
who i^ofesses to despise trade, when trade made England
what she is. How completely must all magnanimity be en-
veloped in the fog of absurd superstitions about rank, ipi^hen
honest industry can be regarded as a disgrace.

It would be folly to express a doubt of England^s wide-
spread influence. It would be worse than prejudice to deny
the honor, with which her representatives are received at all
foreign courts. Her flag is known and respected in every sea.
Her power is acknowledged, and her resentment feared by
every nation of the older continents. The rights of her hum-
blest citizens are respected in the remotest countries — for her
subjects bear with them into the most distant climes assurances
of her protection. Bhe has always redressed the injuries done
to individuals, as outrages to herself The affair of Don Pa-
Cifioo and the Greek government is too recent to require more
than a passing allusion. I was in Athens during the embargo
by the English fleet. I saw a king harassed— a friendly power
threatened — and the whole nation distressed, because the
Athenian mob had been pleased incontinently to batter Don
Pacifico's pet warming-pan. Yes, that immortal Bay, which
had witnessed the destruction of Xerxes' thousand ships, I
saw desecrated by the pres^ice of a hostile fleet, because the
ingenious Don considered it safest to throw himself upon the

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ENGLISH MANKEBS. 215

protection of the JSnglish gOTernxaent, on the au^ority of
an antiq^iated passport, dated some twenty or thirty years-
tack, at Gibraltar. So far as regarded the proof of Pacifico's
citizenship, the passport might just as well been dated in the
moon, or some other distant 4)lanet. But England showed
to the world that a man, even professing to be an English
subject, could claim, and receive her protection. Even in
the. last few months, a prime minister has been hooted by
all classes of his own countrymen, and two friendly powers
have been kept in hot water, because young Mr. Mather had
been maltreated by an Austrian officer, in Florence. And
although redress was sought, and obtained, yet the almost
entire press of the country united in reviling the imbecility
of XtfOrd Derby's government, in not insisting upon some re-
tribution, more in accordance with the offence.

The civilized world has reason to be grateful to England
for the promptness with which she. has always punished any
nation, that dared to assail a citizen of hers. This influence
is felt in the remotest countries of the East, into which trat-
ellers ever penetrate. 1 have, myself, enjoyed the advan-
tages of it, and here make my acknowledgments. In Tu^key^
Syria, and Egypt, all Franks and Howadjis are confounded
with Englishmen. And Germans, Frenchmen, and Ameri-
cans, profit by the mistake. The summary manner in which
British representatives have more than once proceeded, haft
taught these bigots that their nation, at least, must be sacred
from persecution and insult. These semi-barbarians seem
apprehensive, that the English fleets will come stalldng
across their sandy plains, like the wooden horse up* to the
walls of Troy. And so exaggerated an opinion do they en-
tertain of England's power, that tibe curse of their Prophet
is scarcely more dreaded than the terrors of her ire.

Previous to the conquest of Syria by Ibrahim Pasha,
the heroic son of Meh^met Ali, no Christian was permitted

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216 BHOLisH rrsiifi.

to enter the gates of Damascus on horseback. All Franks
were compelled to assume the most abject humility in the
presence of a native, and they were altogether excluded from
certain quarters entirely occupied by the residences of
Turks. When Ibrahim asserted the conqueror's right to
the direction of affairs, he rery greatly alleviated the condition
of the few Christian inhabitants of the city, and decidedly
diminished the annoyances of travellers, All these absurd
restrictions were abolished, and never resumed, although the
citizens of Damascus still continued the most bigoted of the
Turkish dominions. On a certain occasion, some years ago,
an English traveller was curiously peering into the outer
eourt of the principal mosque in Damascus. He did not
enter, as he was well aware of the insane fury of the Maho-
metans against any Frank, who should dare to desecrate their
fanes by his presence. But the bigoted people in the neigh-
borhood determined to regard his inoffensive conduct as a
pollution of the sacred character of the place, and immedi-
ately commenced an assault with mud and stones, which, be-
coming fierce every minute, must have proved fatal, had not
flhe poor tourist fled for refuge to the house of the English
Consul, which fortunately happened to be not far distant.
The Consul at once demanded satisfaction for so flagrant an
outrage. The Pasha was apparently most active in his in-
quiries, but professed to be altogether unable to discover the
perpetrators of the insult. The Consul promptly demanded
the arrest of every male inhabitant of that quarter of the
city, and insisted upon subjecting them all to the punish-
ment that some of them had so richly merited. The Pasha
demurred, but flnally he attempted a compromise, by pro-
posing that the punishment should be inflicted in private.
But the Consul would listen to no such proposition ; and
England being a name of fear, the Pasha was compelled to
submit, and some two or three hundred of these bigots were

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ENGLISH MANNBBS. 217

bastinadoed by a detachment of soldiers in tbe Public
Square. The example of several hundred delinquents un-
dergoing this fearful punishment at the *same time, was not
soon to be forgotten by the Damascenes; and England,
and Europeans, have been respected highly ever since.
The proceeding must seem harsh and unjust to us, but it
was altogether in accordance with Oriental notions of jus-
tice, which makes whole sections of the country responsible
for the crimes commit^d in their boundaries. The appre-
hension of a general punishment makes of all the inhab-
itants a vigilant police, for the detection of thieves and
murderers. Some such act of severity too, was essentially
necessary to impress these zealots with becoming ideas of
the inviolability of the persons of the Franks.

Nineteen hundred years ago Caesar found Britain the
puny possession of savages — and the Romans left them more
civilized, 'tis true, but still, unable to defend themselves,
from the attacks of their more powerful neighbors on the
other side of the Tweed. From an origin so humble, she
has risen to be the most powerful nation on the globe.
Once an inconsiderable island, with an area about equal to
our State of Missouri, her colors now float from the citadels
of 44 colonies, scattered over the known world, besides
her vast possessions in India. Her rule is acknowledged by
nearly 200,000,000 of people. She sustains a standing army
of 100,000 men, and a navy of 198 ships in commission, with
33,759 seamen and marines. Her merchant service is esti-
mated at 4; 144,1 15 tons, and she sustains a vast national
debt, whose interest alone annually amounts to $141,269,160.
For a nation, who from such a beginning has produced such
results, I can but feel an eatalted admiration. But my con-
tempt surpasses my admiration, when I remember that they
are ashamed of what has made them great. Instead of
greeting statues to commerce in every public square — instead
10

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218 xsraiJSH rrBMS.

of placing tablets at the comers of all the principal thorough-
fares, expressive of the nation*s gratitude to trade, they piti-
fully profess to despise those engaged in commercial pur-
suits. What were they till commerce lent her helping hand ?
Alternately the defenceless prey of Bomans, Picts and
Scots, Saxons, Danes, and Normans, England was only
known among nations, as the convenient conquest of any
marauding horde of barbarians, who|e own possession3 were
too narrow, or too poor to content them. Commerce first
taught them the art of self-defence, and gave them strength
to maintain it. Commerce brought them wealth. Com
merce made them powerful, and ministered to their glory.
Yet in their degradation, they have branded commerce as
im worthy to associate with the descendants of their Norman
enslavers. The poverty of their language never appears so
lamentable as when we seek for expletives worthy of such
meanness. What shall we call such conduct ? 'Tis little-
ness in Titan mould !

A genuine Englishman delights in rendering himself
conspicuous by the multitude of his wants. If on board a
steamer, where the number of servants is necessarily limited,
he will send one waiter for roast beef, another for a bottle
of porter — ^will order a third, as he approaches the gentle-
man sitting next him, who has had nothing to eat, to hand
him the radishes, and then complains to the head steward
that he can get nobody to wait on him. In the meanwhile,
te helps himself successively to every thing he can reach, by
sticking his elbows into other people's faces, and pronounces
all he tastes unbearable. His beef arrives, which he eyes
scornfully, and with upturned nose pushes off from him. He
once more bawls for the head steward, and sarcastically asks
to be informed what he calls that on his plate. " Boast
beef, I think, sir." "Koast beef, is it? Well, I should
say that, wbatever it may be, it is not fit to be put

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KKO£lBB MAirxnKBS. 210

mio a gentleman's month." He then eontinnes confiden*
tially to amiounce to the whole table — ^whilst profeseedly
addressing the steward — ^that the cook does not understand
his business, that the catrers do not know how to carre, and
that he has found nothing sinee he has been on board that
he could eat ; although he has been daily in the habit of
employing two-thirds of all the servants within eall, and
devouring every thing he could lay his hands on. Jlhe eager i
haste, amounting almost to a scramble, with which an Bug-
fishman seeks to have himself helped before everybody else,
appears to me strangely unbecoming in a gentleman, — espe-
dally in situations where the wants of all are certain to be
attended to, with the exercise of a slight degree of patience.
But he seems to imagine there is distinction in being first
served, even when he is compelled to resort to unseemly
haste to secure the doubtful honor. He considers^ selfish*
ness knowing, and a total disregard of the comfort of other
people as eminently indicative of an aristocratic turn of
mind. He is nervously I4[>prehensive of showing the slight-
est attention even to a lady at table, such, for instance, as
passing her the salt or filling her wine-glass. He is haunted
by the spectral fear that somebody might construe such an
tocroachment upon the duties of the waiter into evidence of
his having emerged from some obscure position. Such scru-
pulous attention to the preservation of his rank would natural-
ly imply the consciousness of being in a new position, of whieh
he was not altogether secure. What man among us, really
entitled to the consideration of a gentleman, would be agitated
by such absurd apprehensions. A man, really certain of his
position in society, would scarcely fear a sacrifice of it by
so simple an act of politeness. An Englishman is always
eiroessively anxious to have his seat near the head even of a
public table, as in England tlie rank of the guests is deter-
mined by the arrangement of their seats. But it seems to

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me thftt true nobiHty wonld confer honor on Ihe phc oj - m oi
borrow honor from it. Whatever its position at table migM
be, there, it appears to me, wonld the seat of distioottion
always be. And when a vudgarian does sucoeed in radelj
elbowing his way to the head of the table, the mere hct of
his being there conld scarcely impose him even on Eiqj^lish?
men as a gentleman.

In ordering his wine, he always pronounces the name of
the brand in an unnecessarily lond voice, that the whole ta-
ble may be made aware of ^ what an extravagant dog it is;"
but he at the same time takes good care to add in an ondeBp
tone to the waiter, ^' a kalf-boCtie, mind ye." He is peew
liarly knowing in all the varieties of wines, especially a€t«9
having examined ihe brand on the cork. He first sternly
regards the waiter who has jnst filled his order, and then
proceeds minutely to inspect the bottle, with a sapient wag
of the head, which plainly indicates thi^ he suspects som^
trickery, though it is altogether useless to ^' try it on so old
a stager" as himself He never appears to think of tct^ing
the wine to ascertain its quality, and seems altogether 6b^'
livious that new wine is sometimes put into old botl3e&
When satisfied as to the identity of the brand and bottle,
he smacks his lips with affected gusto, and neve^ ^uls 4^
remark for the edification of the company generally, ika,th^
is just then engaged in drinking the very best wine ev«r
exported. What a lucky chap it is, not only to know, boit
to be able to (Hrder the very best wine that is exported. He
is never so happy as when descanting upon the rival mwilis
o€ high-priced wines. He professes to be intensely inter-
ested ia the dates of the different vintages, and uncommonly
well posted up on the yield of the various chateaux. He
will order some French dish among the entr^es^vod pro-
nounce it in such a manner that nobody can understand him.
He will have all the sMvants in board, and both stewards.

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IB eeufdston, mnning to btm with the diffdrent side dishes,
till he has succeeded in collecting them all in statdiy anray
before him, when he finds himself in the mortifying predica-
ment of not knowing what he Wants himself. Hd, however^
dies into a passion, abases the servants, ^ talks sharp" to
the steward, and seems proud of the staring attention he
attracts. He is marvellously discriminating in cheeses, and
^rtieularly nice about tea. It is his (Hrdinary custom to
l^k up a daily rumpus at the table because the waiters will
persist in confounding Wilti^ire with Stilton, the latter of
wlsiek he always prefers, and usually ends the uproar by
having all the cheeses on board, English, Dutch and Ameri-
eftn, passed in grand review before him. He travels with his
•wn private te»<>addy of Russian tea, which he orders foHh
4rvery morning at breakfast with an imposing loftiness of man-
ner one might ascribe to his tea-drinking Highness, the Em-
peror of China. Whilst pouring on the hot water, which he
always does himself, to avoid the possibility of tricks with
his precious Russia, he sympathizingly wonders how human
beii^ ean endure the dishwater stuff with which they
Axeach. the rest of l^e passengers. As an act of Oriental
oondesoension, he will occasionally invite some peculiarly
ilvored individual to come sit beside him, and imbibe honor
mad inspiration from his squat black teapot. He will in-
HXDxe en passant^ if it is a regulation of this particular ship*
m/ev&t to change the napkins on the dinner-table. He is
eftemalfy fussing about the number of towels furnished in his
^roomj and invariably appropriates, in addition to his own,
those intended f<nr his room-mate. He i^ppears impressed
with the notion that it is his bounden duty to busy himself
about the general management of the vessel. He is constant-
ly reporting delinquent servants to the head steward, and is
apparently the <mly person among a hundred and fifty passen-
fWBwfao never can Iwve any tMng dene for him. * Of coorae, a

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StS x»auam raus^

gentleman who requires 00 miioh waiting on, and
Booh A noise, must necessarily be an individual of distinction
and importance, and he impresses the Snglish flunkies and
tiie English waiters accordingly, — ^thongh the disgnst he
inspires is almost uniyersal among the Amwican passengers.
He will volunteer a stupid song, and sing it badly, and USki
long stories, at which nobody laughs but himself After
dinner, he cracks nuts and disgusting jokes, for the amuse-
ment of those who have been sea-sidk and still fSael a '^ lee-
tie uncomfortable," and regards it as quite a triumph to
drive some unfortunate from the table. Notwithstutding
his disgust for every thing put on the table, he never omits
a meal, but breakfasts, lunches, dines, takes tea and sup%
with a regularity, and to an extent, truly surprising. Actu-
ated by the generous impulses of a public-spirited individual^
he seems resolved that the captain shall have no delicaey
on his table which he himself cannot share. He will order
some rare dish, and, when told that it is not on the Inll <s£
fare, he will declare his conviction that he saw it on thd
captain's table at lunch, and rudely express a determination
to have it if it be on board. He manifests his admirable
sense of decency and neatness by eyeing with frowning difr-
trust his plate, which he proceeds fiouiously to rub, and then
diligently scours his knife and fork, in iiervous apprehenraon
of lurking dirt. He throws his head back with a knowing
jerk in the accomplishment of this interesting proceediiig,
and looks around for applause among the passengers, as
much as to say, ^ follow my example, gentlemen ; I am an
old traveller, and am resolved not to be unnecessarily has-
tened in taking ' my peck of dirt' by being confined to these
filthy steamers." He will permit no wait^ to help « pas-
senger from a favorite dish which happens to be near him,
but he helps plates himself, and the unconquerable greedi-
ness of the man protrudes itself in the very an^le manner

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HI which he piles up his own plate, and the rather dainty proyi-
sion he makes for other people. I cannot resist the tempta-
tion to allude to the somewhat extraordinary conduct of an
qj^(:ia/ personage from England, whom we happened to have
on board the Baltic, in crossing the Atlantic last spring.
He never omitted at a single dinner during the entire voy-
age to display his extravagant profusion, by ordering the
most expensive description of champagne^ but, with the
usual prudence of an Englishman, he was always particular
in taking it in a hcHf-hotth^ which he swallowed in solit«ury
grandeur. He had several friends, but no one of them was
ever invited to take wine with him. Indeed, having early
discovered that the allowance of wine which his parsimony
permitted him to enjoy was insufficient to be shared even
with his wife, he earnestly insisted that this meek-minded
person should drink jpw^cr, as it was so much more "whole-
some" than champagne. The poor little woman was an
American, whom he had just married, and evidently did not
like porter ; but she submitted without a murmur, though
she could not resist making a wry face at the ch^a^ bever-
age her husband had so considerately prescribed for her
health. This continued till the last day of the voyage, when
wine is furnished by the captain gratuitously to the passen-
* gers. Immediately after taking his seat on that occasion,
our official gentleman drew one of the bottles to his side,
from which he refused to permit the waiters to help other
persons. He found no difficulty in disposing of the .wine
which he had so unceremoniously appropriated, and soon
ordered another bottle to be brought. The peculiar whole-
someness of porter was forgotten, and his submissive little
wife was allowed to take as much champagne as she pleased.
He suddenly remembered that he had friends on board,
with all of whom he successively took wine, in the generous
exhilaration of his feelings. And, finally, reaching over for

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the third bottle, he ordered the waiter to carry it with his
compliments to the surgeon of the ship, as he desired to take
wine with him. I woirder if he remembered, whilst he was
nodding with condescending familiarity, that it was the
captain^ s wine he was being so liberal with. But the
doubt implies a suspicion of his prudence, which I acknow-
ledge to be unjust. Of course, he recollected the fact, for
he would never have been guilty of the folly of sharing with
others what was his own. I was delighted with the whole
proceeding. I felt happy to make the discovery that even
an Englishman was profuse in his generosity when he could
be so at the expense of other people.

When on deck it is the unceasing struggle of the genuine
English tourist to ape the ways of an " old salt," and he
seems^to think that having a stomach like a cassowary that
nothing can turn is something to boast of. He is always by
very far the busiest man on board. He interrupts the
officers in discharge of their duties by his impertinent sug-
gestions ; he goes " aft " to inspect the compass, ^'forerd^^ to
superintend the steerage passengers, and below to torment
the engineer. In rough weather he always wears a " sou*-
wester " and an oil-cloth coat. He eyes the sails askance,
sagely discourses of " royals " " top-gallant " and " main sels,^
and speculates profoundly upon a probable change of wind.
He is intensely ambitious of appearing learned about trifles.
He can always tell you the tonnage of the ship, her length,
her cost, and quickest voyage. He keeps himself posted up
as to the log, invariably knows the number of revolutions
the wheels are making to the minute, and is certain to be
earliest informed of " the last twenty-four hours' run." He
is foremost in all marine auctions and lotteries, and intensely
delights in instructing new-beginners in the occult science of
'' shuffleboard." He is charmed to play the oracle; and
talks most glibly for the edification of a crowd. He is never

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EVOUBH MANNSB8. . 225

80 contented as when recounting to a squad of greenhorns
the adventures of former voyages, the whales he has seen,
and the icebergs he has encountered. If any thing a little
out of the ordinary routine of the ship happens to occur, he
immediately pronounces it nothing to what happened to him,
during a certain voyage, on a certain ship, with a certain
captain, and forthwith proceeds to spin interminable yarns
without point, of his past personal experience. If not other-
wise employed he will hang about the quarter-deck, in order
to enjoy the satisfaction of impudently replying to questions
asked by passengers of the captain with regard to his ship,
and her management. He seems as destitute of delicacy as
of modesty, and does not hesitate to answer for anybody,
though the gentleman addressed was present, and might
very naturally be supposed to prefer talking for himself.
He will intrude himself into any conversation where an op-
portunity occurs of showing what he thinks he knows, and
seems altogether to forget that he may occasionally display
his ignorance, as well as his rudeness, by such gratuitous
favors. If remonstrated with upon such conduct, he will
reply, " Oh, everybody knows me ; why, my dear friend, this is
my twentieth voyage ! " Being an Englishman, and such a
traveller, gives him of course the privilege in his own opinion
of sticking his nose into every company without incurring
the danger of having it pulled, as it often deserves to be.
He indulges himself in the liberty of treating everybody as
an acquaintance, since he considers himself not at all bound
to acknowledge on shore the acquaintances made on board of
the ship. In throwing aside his checked travelling coat
and cap, he conveniently disremembers all the passengers,
whom he has treated with such patronizing familiarity,
nnless there happens to be among them somebody of dis-
tinction iB^hose casual acquaintance he is certain afterwards
to take advantage of if he cau^ It is amusing during the
10»

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220 ENGLISH ITEMS.

first few days after leaving port, before he has sncceeded in
discovering the residence and occupation of every one on
board, to watch the effect produced on him when the captain
happens to take wine with a passenger. He immediately
puts down the fortunate individual as worthy of being in-
quired after, and should he prove to be of the preconceived
degree of importance, the Englishman imhesitatingly com-
mences a system of toadyism despicable to behold. But in-
solence and servility are usually united. One is rarely dis^
covered in a superlative state of perfection without the other.
He is never slow in arriving at his conclusions, for, notwith-
standing his violent condemnation of " Yankee curiosity,"
he possesses a peculiar facility for picking up personal de-
tails, altogether surpassing any thing presented among other
nations. He contrives in this style of his own invention to
be correctly informed as to name, birth-place and occupation
of every man, woman and child on the steamer, without once
resorting to the exploded fashion of direct interrogation.
He delights in being appealed to for the decision of bets and
disputes ; and generously gives the advantage of his opinion
to any one who is willing to receive it He seems to con-
sider nothing troublesome that affords him an apology for
hearing himself talk. Indeed an Englishman appears to
have two characters when on ship-board and on shore.
Silent as he always is in the latter situation, in the former
he is decidedly garrulous, though not the less stupid. When
he can find nothing else to meddle in, he interferes with
the prescriptions of the ship's surgeon, by recommending
some infallible nostrum of his own which he has known in
over a hundred cases to relieve sea-sickness ; and insists on
cramming the stomachs of nauseated passengers as full of
his quack doses as his own pockets. He never misses a
chance of throwing all the passengers into an unnecessary
commotion by intently gazing for half an hour through the

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BirOLUlH MAHHBRS. 227

spj-glas8 on yacanoy. Of coarse such a proceeding on the
part of an old salt, is sufficient to make every man advance in
turn seriously to ogle the clouds through the glass; for,
though the ^' old salt " assures each one with chuckling satis-
fiictioD, that he has seen nothing, absolutely nothing, yet
every one remains firmly convinced that there must be *' some-
thing ahead." He finds too an inexhaustible fund of amuse-
ment in pointing his prophetic finger to imaginary " sails,"
which passengers cannot see because they have neither ac-
quired their ^ ocean eyes," nor their " sea legs."

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CHAPTER VIL

ENGLISH DSTOnON TO DINHEB.

CEREMONY and dining constitute the melancholy recre-
ations of an Englishman's life. Eating is the only ihxoig
which he is permitted to do heartily, and as if he enjoyed it
He cannot talk, he cannot think, he cannot dress as he pleases,
there is an inviolable rule for them all. He is never firee
till armed with a knife and fork, indeed he is never complete-
ly himself without them. Even the order in which he must
place himself at the table, and the manner of occupying his
seat, are both prescribed by law. He only escapes restraint
when he feels the familiar touch of those domestic weapons
of offence, which may be as jwroperly considered integral
portions of an Englishman as claws are of a cat.

I once said that an Englishman's dinner '^was not only
the event of the day, but the primary object of his life."
With the English eating is not simply the highest enjoyment
of their exist^ioe, but it has become the great national mode
of commemorating social incidents and public events. From,
birth to death a prolonged set-to at the table marks the
principal occurrences of an Englishman's life. He is joy-
ously ushered into the world, and solemnly escorted out of
it, by a feast. A child is born, a christening follows, and a
huge lunch Frenchified into ^^d^'euT^er" is the consequence.
A man gets married, and his father-in-law feels a hungry
sort of necessity to feed all the friends of the family on the

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day of the wedding. A man dies, and his relations and
friends assemble to read his will^ and devour a solemn
dinner at his expense. Thej write cards of condolence
to his family and send their empty carriages to attend
his funeral, but take good care to be at his '^ wake "in
person. Englishmen do almost every thing by proxy but
eat — that is a duty which they religiously perform them-
selves. The professions of distress they deem it proper to
make upon these fimeral occasions, are as heartless as the
notes of consolation they write to the family. The outward
forms of sorrow they consider it decent to observe, are m
empty as the mourning coaches.

If a great Lord makes a great speech, all the corporar
tions immediately honor him with, a great dinner. If a dis-
tinguished diplomatist negotiates an important treaty, they-
/to him by feeding him. If a mighty General gams a
mighty victory, he must at once pass through the ordeal of
a mighty repast, where more fatigue must be endured than
in his whole campaign, and more wine must be drunk, and
indigestible turtle swallowed, than the blood, he has
shed and the lead he has wasted in the battle. If an
Englishman wishes to be respectful, he gives a dinner ; if he
desires to be polite, he invites you to dine ; and should he
wish to be sociable, he insists upon your joining the family
circle at the important meal of the day. If a stranger
brings a letter of introduction, a dinner is the result^ unless
the man who gave the letter has the meanness to write pri-
vately to your host that you are unworthy of such an honor.
From such premises we can readily determine the value at
which the friendship and attentions of these people are to be
estimated, when it is a precept especially enjoined upon them,
that, if they give a letter of introduction to an improper
person, 'tis their duty to write at once by mail, warning the
person to whom it is directed of the &ct. We know not

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whether to feel tiie greatest contempt fcft tbe man's oondoct
when he shows himself so destitute of all manliness of char-
acter as to he nnahle to refuse an introductory letter, to an
improper person, or when he descends to this clandestiae
mode of confessing his own meanness.

Englishmen not only regard eating as the most inestima-
hie hlessing in life, when they enjoy it themselres, hut they
are always intensely delisted to see it going on. The gov-
ernment charge an extra shilling at the Zoological Gardens
on the days that the animals are fed in puhlic, but, as much
as an Englishman dislikes spending money, the extraordinary
attraction never fails to draw an immensely increased crowd,
even with the advanced prices. I mean not to intimate that
there is anything objectionable about social conviviality.
There is something comfortable and agreeable in the simple
act of taking a glass of wine, which, like the coffee-drinking
and pipe-smoking among the Turks, produces at once a
genial feeling of good fellowship ; and I know that if two
boon-companions get drunk together, they are sworn Mends
for life. It is not my desire to interrupt that ^ feast of
reason and flow of soul,'' which these enthusiastic lovers of
^^belly-cheer " will not agree can occur elsewhere than at the
dinner-table. I can myself conceive of few things more
charming than a small, well-assorted party, gathered sociably
about a round table. But I am opposed to the idolatrous
tenets of those who can worship at no shrine save tiiat of the
hungry spirits of their vasty stomachs. The man whose
soul is confined to the limits of a paunch, however capacious,
could find little use for a heart, when a gizzard would answer
all his purposes so much more admirably.

The frigid cereinony, the weighty forms and solemn de-
portment at an English dinner-table, must exclude every
thing like mirth or social chit-chat. They assemble to eat,
and all conversation of a light or amusing character is re-

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garded as an unpardonable interroption to the btudness of
the meeting. As I said before, an Englishman is never
wholly himself until armed with the earring-knife. He
takes to the weapon as naturally as Indians to bows or Span-
iards to stilettoes. The formal rules of I^glish i^oeietj do
Hot pretend to extend to the dinner-table. There even Eng-
lishmen are free. Eaeh bold Briton ean gorge himself to
his own private satisfaction, provided he does not interrupt
his neighbors by irrelevant remarks, but leaves them to the
enjoyment of the same much esteemed privilege. Silence
and stuffing are the distinguishing characteristics of a, grand
dinner party. And so apprehensive are lliey that the very
few civilities which Englishmen feel it incumbent on them to
offer to ladies, might too seriously interfere with the swilling
and cramming proceedings of the day, that the ladies all re-
tire at a given signal, leaving the men to force nuts and gua-
zle wine till their stomachs or their legs rebel against the
unnatural imposition, when they once more repair to the par-
lor to pick their teeth, and stare in maudlin silence at '^ the
women."

It is fashionable to extol the English as the countrymen
of Shakspeare and Milton, as if, with their language, they
must necessarily have inherited the elevation of mind which
distinguished those worthies. But each sleek modem head
will be found to be much fuller of pudding than poetry.
Fpon examination, all must confess that the English public
^are decidedly more familiar with the living on the rival lines
of steamers than the beauties of the old English poets. And
ike comparative excellence of Parisian restaurants and Lon-
don chop-hoitees, constitutes a study much more congenial
to their taste, than musty incidents in thq lives of dead
celebrities. What do the English nation possess in common
with Shakspeare and Milton but their birthplace and their
language? The first was the heritage of chance, the last

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they have debased by confining it to the mean uses of gor-
mandiiing triflers and chaffering hucksterers. The Mahom-
etans for many centuries were in posssesion of the holiest
places of the East, and as an evidence of how worthy they
were of the succession, they changed churches into stables, and
shrines into pedlers' stalls. The fact of the English na-
tion's speaking the same language as Shakspeare and Mil-
ton, only makes the absence of every other noble <][uality the
more startling.

If the greatness of men be estimated by their circum-
ference, and their reputations rated according to their appe-
tites, then England has a just right to be proud of her pro-
gress. The wan figures of Shakspeare and Milton might
well hide themselves deeper in their shrouds, appalled by the
prodigious masticatory performances of the modem race of
Britons. For their exploits as trenchermen would astound
their Saxon ancestors themselves, whose tables habitually
groaned under the weight of whole roast porkers and inte-
gral sheep. But he who assigns a higher destiny to man
than, after huge dinners, to crack nuts and swill wine, must
acknowledge that the nation have tumbled from the summit
to the foot of Parnassus. He must confess that they are
not only destitute of the genius to produce, but the taste to
appreciate, such works as have rendered the Bard of Avon
and his bUnd successor immortal. Nonsensical shows in
crystal palaces, and the silly plots of Italian operas, have
usurped the places, in the taste of the people, of the histor-
ical plays and divine poetry of the great masters of Eng-*
lish verse.

When it is remembered that the richer portions of the
English people consider themselves happy in proportion to
the dainty gratification of their appetites, it seems strange in-
d^d that in the gastronomic science, at least, the nation have
not excelled. They are not original even in their gluttony.

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Possessing the utmost capabilities to devour, they are
destitute of the ingenuity to invent the gross dishes with
which they cram themselves. They owe to a foreign nation
the mean privilege of bestial indulgence. No one can doubt
the eminent qualifications of Englishmen to show the rest
of the world how to eat ; but France has taught them how
to cook. But still, if digestion and not genius be the chief-
est blessing to intellectual man, as the universal practice
among Englishmen would seem to indicate, then the modem
triumphs of mind have not been inferior to those of steam,
in Great Britain.

Frenchmen live to dance ; Englishmen to eat. About
what is a Briton so anxious as his kitchen ? of what is he so
proud as his cook % with regard to what is he so solicitous as
his dinner 1 Here all his hopes are concentrated, here 'tis
his highest ambition to exceL His cook is the stage-mana-
ger, his kitchen the green-room, and dinner-table the stage
of the theatre on which the drama of his existence is played.
The gorgeous decorations of his theatre, the assembling
fashionable audiences, and the successful performance of the
stupid pantomimes usually produced there, constitute the ex-
citing employment of a lifetime. Lively comedies are ban-
ished, as unbecoming the awful dignity of the place, and
even the stately periods of the heaviest tragedies are es-
chewed, as interruptions to ^ the stage business," which is
cheifly conducted by means of knives and forks. The pro-
prietor of the establishment displays an enthusiasm alto-
gether unknown among the most enthusiastic of his breth-
ren, the professional players. If he toils to be rich, it is to
acquire means of purchasing plate^ liveries, wines and deli-
cacies for his play-house. If he cringes, begs and bribes, in
his efforts for a title, it is all done to secure noble person-
ages to grace his front boxes.

Almost every man, of every nation, eheridbes iB his

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dreaming moments of reverie some pet sclieme of ambition
or enjoyment, and no exertion seems too great, no priyation
too terrible for its realization. Mahomet, to coax into
paths of virtue his vicious followers, presented to their warm
imaginations the black-eyed houris, the brimming wine-cups
and shady fountains of paradise. Blit an Englishman needs
no keener incentive to exertion than a glimmering glance of
the happy period when he will be rich enough to do nothing
but eat. Ambition, pleasure and excitement are all stowed
away, like apples in a dumpling, in this superlative gratifica-
tion. The voluptuous paradise of Mahomet appears in-
complete to English eyes ; there is no dinner- table and no
provision made for regular meals. Without dinner heaven
itself seems scarcely worth possessing. 'An Englishman's
imagination can revel in no sweeter Elysium than h&r-
ing plenty to eat and an appetite to enjoy it. His an-
tipathy to chameleons may be attributed to the fact of their
living on air. His neglect of Shakspeare may be accounted
for by his never having dedicated an ode to the charms of
roast beef

Englishmen may well feel proud, with the rest of the
world, that human nature has produced such specimens of
her handicraft as Shakspeare and Milton. But each bold
Briton should blush to claim them as countrymen. He
should shrink from the mortifying example, that he himself
presents, of the degeneracy of the nation since the days
when Shakspeare wrotC) and Milton sung. Their genius
was only bounded by the limits of creation ; his mind re-
volves in the orbit of his plate ; his fancy never soars, but on
the fumes of some favorite dish. He knows no intenser
joy than a plum-pudding, and rarely suffers a keener inflic-
tion than an overdone beef-steak. He is erudite in sauces,
and deeply versed in pies. His vast amount of kitchen sta-
tistics is really imposing. Though he is hopelessly ignorant

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of the general lieratnre of Franee, his noddle is tightly
packed with French cookery receipts. His thoughts are
much more absorbed in the mysteries of roast beef and
boiled mutton than the beauties of the rival measures of
verse. His ingenuity is much more deeply immersed in tiie
composition of a new gravy than the comparative charms of
Hexameters and Alexandrines. In short, he is just the sort
of fellow, who, in reading Paradise Lost, would be intensely
curious to know whether Lucifer was addicted to night sup-
pers, who woidd give the first joint of his little finger to find
out what Adam and Eve had for lunch ; a man to wonder
that Macbeth should have supped on ^' horrors," when his
royal exchequer might have afforded him the means of pro-
curbg so much more digestible stuff. " The Housekeeper's
own Cook," is his text-book, whilst poor Shakspeare remains
the gilded ornament of neglected shelves.

Nature only seems beautiful to an Englishman when she
ministers to the cravings of his belly ; he never courts her
society but to alleviate the pains of table indulgences. Wav-
ing woods and lowing herds are only suggestive to his mind
of biasing fires and roast beef Babbling brooks and pkoid
lakes do but remind him of the inestimable blessing derived
from the application of steam to Uie culinary art! Great
ocean himself has no grandeur in his eyes, except as the
boundless means of importation of foreign edibles. He
climbs towering clifis and wanders beside sparkling water*
&lls in search of an appetite. He makes romantic tours to
esoape from the gout, and frequents picturesque and inacces-
sible places as the best cure for the dyspepsy. He makes
runs into Scotland for the sake of oat-meal cakes, and so^
joums amidst the wild beauties of Switzerland, in order to
be convenient to goat's milk. He goes to France to replen-
ish an exhausted purse, and to Italy to repair a broken con-
stitnlion.

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If gats «<mld perfonn the fanctions of l)rains, Greece's
seren wise men would cease to be proyerbial, for England
would present to the world twentj-seyen millions of sages.
If the English people did every thing as they eat, we should
no longer have to turn to Eome for examples of eloquence
and heroism. 'Tis true they have produced no eminent
feeders whose gluttony has become a proverb ; they can boast
no y itellius and Heliogabalus ; but it would be difficult in-
deed for a single individual to eat himself into celebrity in
a country where every ordinary citizen surpasses, without
effort, the immortal table exploits of the imperial voluptua-
ries. The English nation seem much more deeply impressed,
than were the Romans themselves, by the force and elo-
quence of Menenius Agrippa's fable of the belly and the mem-
bers, by which he succeeded in coaxing the rebellious ple-
beians from the Mons Saoer back to deserted Rome. Ib'
their admiration of the taruth and beauty of this famous
fable they aj^ar to have forgotten the figurative meaning in-
tended to be conveyed, and to have taken it in its literal sense
as their motto, sacrificing the members and every thing else
to the all-devouring belly. Intellect, honor, ambition, plea-
sure, are all swallowed up in this vast receptacle of plum-
pudding and roast beef In their enthusiastic devotion to
their voracious idol, they appear to have grown unmindfd
tiiat there are higher duties for man to perform than to eat,
that there are nabler aims for him to live for than the grati-
fication of his appetite. To eat, to drink, to look greasy,
and to grow &t, appears to constitute, in their opinions,. the
career of a worthy British subject. I mean not to insinuate
that ^' to be fat " is ^^ to be hated." There is something com-
fortable about a portly corporation, and genuine mirth it
seems to me delights to lurk in the folds of a double chin.
Flesh acquired in the merry circle of friends, the joyous
result of lau^ter and good cheer, is alwa^ the best evidence

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ENGLISH DBYOTXON TO DINNSB. tJtS'T

of a , kind heart and liberal disposition. Bat corpvlence
without jollity whispers of sdf^ it is eloquent of the mean-
ness of secret stuffings and solitary potations. To be gross
without being good-humored is to be swinish, and conse-
quently to be shunned. But an Englishman is never so
silent as when eating. Like other carnivorous animals he
is always surly over his meals. Morose at all times, he be-
comes unbearably so at that interesting period of the day,
when his soul appears to cower among plates and dishes,
as if with the suspicious dread of being called upon to divide
that which it clings to, even more fondly than to money, his
dinner.

An Englishman is like all well constructed guns, he
never goes off into any displays of animation until completely
loaded with the good things of the table and primed with
good wine. And when upon such auspicious occasions he
does go off into something like gayety, there is such fearfid
quivering of vast jelly-moulds of flesh, something so super-
naturally tremendous in his efforts, that like the recoil of an
overloaded musket he never fails to astound those who
happen to be near him. Eminently sensual, he is not even
enthusiastic in his sensualitiea He gloats rather than ex-
ults over those exquisite delights of the table, which, in his
opinion, are so soul-stiiring. Though he gorges his food with
the silent deliberation of the Anaconda, yet in descanting
upon the delicacies of the last " capital dinner " at which he
was present, he makes an approach to animation altogether
unusual with him on other occasions. He loves to dwell with
lingering affection upon the roast beef and plum-pudding he
ate and the porter he swallowed. And in discoursing with
tender minuteness upon the charms of these delicious vi-
ands, he displays a touching earnestness which might almost
be considered eloquence.

He deems no friend worth having who does not give fine

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dinners ; and no indiTidnal unworthy of being etdtiyated
who is known to have a good cook. Every Englishman is a
systematio '^ diner-ont ; ^ and as assiduously intrigues for
invitations to dinner, as ambitious politicians for sinecure
preferments of state. He delights in entertainments pro-
digiously expensive, but, like Vitellius, he makes it a rule to
enjoy them at his own expense as little as possible. Thus
every private citizen in Great Britain enjoys the honor of
uniting in his own person the two qualities which have ren-
dered this Roman Emperor immortal : parsimonious as Yi-
telliuB, he is much more of a glutton. With two such genial
traits as a basis, 'tis not strange that such a pyramid of
social peculiarities has been reared as to crush all kindly
feelings towards the English in every foreign country. When
it is Vemembered that of all the vices, avarice is most apt to
corrupt the heart, and gluttony has the greatest tendency to
brutalize the mind, it no longer continues surprising that an
Englishman has become a proverb of meanness from Paris
to Jerusalem. The hatred and contempt of all classes of
society as necessarily attend him, in his' wanderings, as his
own shadow. All those whose positions make them subser-
vient to his ill- humor as cordially hate, as other citizens and
travellers despise him. His passions for gold and eating
have so entirely swallowed up every other feeling, that he
appears really ignorant of the existence of many of those
pleasing little refinements which even savages instinctively
practise. His unnecessary harshness to inferiors, and his
arrogant assumption among his equals have cut him off from
all sympathy with his kind. Equally repulsive to every
grade, he stands isolated and\lone, a solitary monument of the
degradation of which human nature is capable. Destitute of
all consideration for those beneath him, he appears to believe
that they were created, like other domestic animals, for his
pleasure and convenience. But in his treatment of them his

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SVOUSH DETOTION TO DUKKER. 239

cruel natnre is refitrained by no salutary apprehen^oiis of
punishment by those numerous humane societies which are
established in England to prevent cruelty to animals. The
charities of the nation expend themselves iil tender solicitude
for horses and asses, without experiencing one sympathizing
throb of kindness for those of their fellow-creatures who
have had the misfortune to be bom poor. But as I have
before remarked, poverty is the only crime in England which
admits of no palliation. The delicate nerves and nice sensi-
bilities of English charity, would be shocked to penetrate
into those sinks of hungry wretchedness, where starving thou-
sands are driven by necessity, rather than destitution of moral
principles, into open warfare with that society, from whose
selfish system of regulation they have suffered so much, and
from whose sympathy they can hope so little. The extremely
proper regard for cleanliness and acute sense of smell in Eng-
lishmen would entirely prevent their descending into those
loathsome dens, in which despairing misery is wont to hide
itself Contact with rags and filth is vulgar. They reserve
their kindly ofiBces for the well-washed and newly-combed
inmates of model prisons, and new-fangled houses of correo-
tion. These dapper philanthropists shrink with loathing
from misfortune, when arrayed in the frightful paraphernalia
of woe. But let a man pick a pocket, or rob an orphan box ;
let him by the frequent repetition of crime prove himself
utterly destitute of every moral principle, and he immediately
becomes an object of especial interest to the benevolent of
both sexes in England. Men of genius are employed to
construct commodious and healthy places of confinement for
these hardened rascals. Rival philanthropists vie with each
other in suggesting plans of prison discipline which shall
most conduce to their social improvement. The scoundrel-
sympathy which distinguishes the ostentatious charity of
Englishmen, provides humane keepers to minister to thei*

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personal oomforts, skilful physicians to watca over their
health, and pious chaplains to superintend their religious
culture ; every attention is paid to the cleanliness and airy
situation of their rooms ; every precaution is taken to se-
cure for them a healthy diet ; good Samaritans of the gen-
tler sex are constantly visiting the prison wards to distribute
tracts and consolation to these irreclaimable villains. All
this is done for these corrupt scoundrels, whilst gaunt star-
vation is permitted to stalk unheeded among those of the
wretched, who have as yet secured no claim upon the charilj
of these benevolent benefactors of thieves, by the commission
of crime. Does it not seem strange, that some gold and so
much solicitude should be employed for the benefit of these
daring renegades from law and religion, whilst the really de-
serving objects of charity are left to die uncared for and
alone ? Does it not appear remarkable that all the benevo-
lent impulses of the British nation should exhaust themselves
in exertions for these hopelessly vicious outcasts of society,
who have so unmistakably shown themselves ^^the stony
ground " in which the seeds of righteolisness could never
take root ? But they shrink in disgust from really suffering
innocence, which, if properly cared for, would be found to
be " the good ground that did yield fruit that sprang up, and
increased, and brought forth some thirty, and some sixty,
and some an hundred.'' The ambitious Pharisees of Eng-
land have not even the mean apology for their conduct, of a
fellow-feeling for these malefactors. They do their alms before
men in order ^^ to be seen of them." The benefactors of
public criminals get their names into the papers ; their
bounty is eulogized by " the Times,^^ The liberal founders
of model prisons, and the charitable advocates of reformed
houses of correction, " have glory of men," whilst the modest
doer of good relieving in secret the wants of the obscure
pauper must await his recompense in Heaven, where ^' thy

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BKOLISH DEVOTION TO DINNER. 241

Father tbat seeth in secret himself shall reward thee open-

An Englishman entertains a high scorn for every man
who does not eat hugely, and drink well. He respects indi-
viduals accordiug to their abdominal, rather than their men-
tal, capacities. He observes with admiration their corporeal,
not their phrenological, developments. People who have
weak digestive organs he regards with that pitying sort of
contempt with which a youthful literary pretender might be
supposed to look down upon some half-witted unfortunate.
And those who are unable to gobble food to the same extent
as an ostrich, he feels sorry for, as being deprived of man's
divinest faculty. An enormous stomach, and a plentiful
supply of gastric juice, he regards as just subjects for con-
gratulation. Beiug convinced that to eat is man's highest
destiny on earth, he assiduously cultivates the powers which
most conduce to its ample accomplishment. The dilating
power of the anaconda, and the gizzard of a cassowary, are
the pet objects of his ambition. He leaves inexperienced
sages to preach the importance of a mind well stored with
useful information, and a powerful mind to digest and apply
it, whilst his only care is a stomach well stuffed with dain-
ties ; his only anxiety a generous flow of the digestive fluid.
True wisdom, in his opinion, indulges in mastication, rather
than meditation. In his judgment, the seat of all heavenly
joys is the belly, not the mind. He wonders how men can
ever be unhappy whilst they can eat and drinki There is no
disappointment so bitter, no calamity so great, that it can-
not be comfortably smothered with roast beef and porter.
He knows no excitement so intense, or joy so thrilling, as a
smoking plate of ox-tail soup, backed by the usual beef and
potato accompaniments of an English dinner. And when
his eyes close, and his skin becomes distended, under the
sweetly soothing influence of these savory viands, his soul is
11

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filled with a ^^ content so absolute" that he has nothing mor#
to live for till dinner-time next day. 'Tis true that he
breakfasts, that he lunches, takes tea, and sups, for there ia
music to him in the clatter of knives and forks that cannot
be heard too often to be amusing ; but the ^' tocsin of his
soul is the dinner-bell ;" it is his national anthem which
arouses within him all the ferocious heroism of his nature ;
its stirring notes make him eager for the assault. Its in*
spiring harmony awakes him from the lethargy, and, armed
with a knife and fork, " Bichard is himself again.'' The
daggers of thp patriot conspirators were not more fiercely
wielded against Julius Caesar, than are these natural wea-
pons of an Englishman, in his eagerness to get the ^ firfti
cut" from "• the hot joint." The position as well as the ap*
petite of people is reckoned according to the order of ^ cuta"
in which they come, and he who obtains the " first " enjoys
the honor that Englishmen most dearly prize. The second'^
ary meals an Englishman takes to while away the dosing^
hours that must elapse before the period of the great eveni
of the day arrives ; and, besides, a certain 'degree of rofik'^
tion is absolutely essential to his comfort But dinner ift
his grand climacteric ; for dinner he reserves himself, at
dinner he makes his great display ; to him dinner is the coor
centration of life's rarest joys ; for dinner he elaborately
prepares himself; for dinner he purges, bathes, rubs, and
dresses ; to dinner he looks forward with the intense longing
of the weary sentinel awaiting the corporal's guard that is
to relieve him ; of dinner he makes his existence a dream ;
he talks, he cares about nothing but his dinner ; his only
regret seems to be that he is so constituted that he cannot
pass his life at the dinner-table. The only annoyance which
ever seriously disturbs his digestion is, that the process of
stuffing is not as harmless to him as to a Bologna sausage.
But alas for the happiness of British nature ! not even the

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SNaUBH BSTOTIOK TO blNlTKB. 24i

innocent ammieinent of. eating is to be indulged to excess
without retributive pains. Misery and mineral water are
as certainly the results of gluttony, as of the more actiye
-Wees. The deyotion of the English to eating is an ez-
erescence upon their national character, which, like the
carbuncles on Bardolph's nose, makes it hideous and glar-
ing. Its presence disfigures their more serious literature,
and it unpleasantly protrudes itself from 4dieir* romance.
Their modem poets condescend to describe sumptuous re-
pasts with the technical minuteness of a pastry-cook ; and
their best noyelists are vain of their knowledge in the culi-
nary art Their fairy tales are always crowded with ogres,
who eat hugely and drink well And the romance of
chivaliy is outraged by haying greasy thoughts of dinner
lugged in on King Arthur's round table.

Nothing is too heroic or too refined to be associated in
their minds with eating. An English lover is never so sen-
timental as when discussing in solitude the ^^ first cut " of
a ^ hot joint.'' He plies his lady-love with doughnuts in-
stead of fiowers, and believes there is no bridal present like
something good to eat ; he brings her a cornucopia of choco-
late drops asmucii more provocative of sentiment than a copy
of LaUa Bookh ; he has no anxiety to discover her taste in
poetry, but is intensely curious as to what bIoa prefers to eat ;
eongeniality of soul is never sought for in their fondness
for the same music, but is developed by their devotion to
^e same dish. He never asks if she admires Donizetti's
' ccHnpositions, but tenderly inquires if she loves beefsteak
pies.

This sordid vice of greediness is rapidly brutalizing na-
tures not originally spiritual Every other passion is sink-
ing, oppressed by flabby folds of fat, into helplessness. All
the mental energies are crushed beneath the oily mass. Sen-
sibility is smothered in the feculent steams of roast beef, and

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delioaey stained by the waste drippings of porter. The
brain is slowly softening into blubber, and tbe liver is gra-
dually encroaching upon the heart. All the nobler impulses
of man are yielding to those animal propensities, which must
soon render Englishmen beasts in all save form alone.

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CHAPTER Vni.

SNOIISH OESrmjTY.

IT bas been declared in England, thai as a nation, onr
manners are unformed : indeed that we haye none. I
certainly consider it much mmre desirable to be without any,
than to hare such as every man who pretends to be a gen-
tleman should hasten to get rid of.

Both oiTiliKed and barbarous nations haye united in
considering certain pleasing little forms essentially necessary
to the preservation of society. We hare all felt, and are
familiar with the charm of politeness, and yet few of us
could describe in what it really consists. I have yielded to
the influence of this nameless fasdnation in my intercourse
with French, Germans, and Italians ; I have observed its
action among Greeks, Turks, and the wild Bedouins of the
desert, but I have sought in vain to discover its existence
among the Engfish. They seem to glory in disregarding the
rules which the politer portions of tiie world have agreed
upon adopting. But not satisfied with banishing all graces
of manner, they unceasingly labor to suppress those natural
instincts which teach the swarthy sons of the desert to be
courteous, and the North American Indians to be polite.
They are terrified by the flunky apprehension, that being
polite might render them liable to the suspicion of imitating
the French, iriiereas they alfe eager' to appear peculiarly
SngKth. In their i^ble ambition to stand alone, they

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haye suooeeded in makiDg the name of Englishman synony-
mous with almost every term of reproach in the language,
among the mildest of which may be numbered those of glut-
ton and blackguard. They have become odious in their
anxiety to be unique ; and I doubt whether a single indivi-
dual could be found, from Paris to X7onstantinople, who
would not indignantly deny the imputation of possessing a
single social quality in common with an Englbhman. The
nation seem deluded into the belief that their violations 6f
decorum are evidences of independence, and really appear to
hope that brutality can be mistaken for bravery. They are
not ashamed to acknowledge, that money or fear can induee
them to do little things, contributing to the enjoyment of
others, which, though costing them nothing, they would
never dream of performing from a polite desire to oUige.
An Englishman can be forced or paid to do any thing ; he
may be coaxed to do nothing. Bank or money applied to
his impenetraUe shell of sullen reserve produces the same
effect as a coal of fire placed on the bade of an obstinate tes-
rapin ; the applieati<m invariably occasions in both instances
a display of awkward animation very unusual in the animals.
It would be difficult in circumnavigating the ^be, to
discover a nation i^esenting so much that is peculiar, andeo
little that is attractive, as the English. Outr^ in dress, re-
pulsive in manners, and selfish in nature, they have with-
drawn themselves into anunsympathizing seclusion from the
rest of the world. Yet eadi self-conceited Englishman is
proud of his isolation, and exults in his surliness. He has
peopled the social solitude which his selfishness has made,
with cheering illusions of his own superiority. He knows
no ties of sympathy, and has no friends ; but each lonely ego-
.tist gloats over the belief, that the universe contains no associ-
ates worthy of his excellence. He sees that all the world
shuns him, and he fbndly imagines that he hasci^ the world.

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The English people render themselvos ridicoloiiB by as-
suming airs that but ill accord with a stookish nature. In
affecting, the noble they succeed in being simply arrogant,
and are morose when they would be considered exclusiye ;
in attempting to appear complaisant, they are always super-
cilious, and never fail to be rude when trying to seem free
and easy^ Yet they imagine the universe to be deeply im-
pressed by the graceful sublimity of their deportment. They
affect an eccentricity of costume, as most becoming the soli-
tary elevation of their position. Whether in the unusually
scant habiliments in which they array themselves, they are
desirous of imitating as nearly as possible, the costumes of
their ancestors about the time of Caesar's invasion, or whe-
ther they have simply made the most of their cloth, I know
not, but certain it is that their prominent peculiarities of
dress and disposition are in admirable accord. Hat and
head tendencies may be pronounced decidedly sharp. Collar
«ad general bearing, stiff, awkward, and unbending. Cravat
and pretensions, very ample. Vest and regions about the
heart, exceedingly contracted. Coat ample, but short ; indi-
pative of their lavish expenditure upon their own persons,
but the extremely limited distance their liberality ever ex-
tends beyond. Pants very full about the seat and waist, to
msAok their great natural advantages for prolonged sittings,
ftnd vast accommodations for extra suj^lies of food ; but the
pants about the -legs very tight, in accordance with the ex-
treme closeness of his disposition, and natural aversion to
srasto, whether in cloth or shillings. His shoes and move-
ments, to sum the matter up, are always thick, heavy, and
clumsy.

An Englishman cannot escape the hallucinations pecu-
liar to folly in seclusion. People shrink from him in dis-
gwt, and his vanity ascribes their conduct to a becoming
awe for his pre-eminence ; he imagines the silence which arises

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from contempt to be a deferential respect for his opinion ;
he mistakes sneers for pmiles of approval, and believes in--
stinctive repugnance to his person to be a reluctance to in-
trude upon his reserve. Indeed he entertains too exalted
an opinion of himself, to doubt another's appreciation of his
surpassing excellence. He can comfortably ascribe any
course of conduct to some feeling flattering to himself

We could forgive the absence of all politeness in an Eng-
lishman, if there was one single generous qualify to redeem
his incivility. We could not anticipate much gentleness
from the most affectionate toyings of the hippopotamus, nor
could we reasonably expect any great display of elegance in
the manners of an Englishman, however affable he might
endeavor to make them. We often smilingly submit to the
most serious annoyances, when we feel convinced that they
proceed from no evil intention on the part of those who in-
flict them. Roughness of manner no more indicates an im-
kind disposition, than servility evinces a polished mind.
And if an Englishman was the same thing to all people, charity
might attribute his brutal effrontery to hardy ignorance ;
or partiality might ascribe his total disregard of every
precept practised by a gentleman, to bluff independence.
But he is as sensitive to the influence of a title, as a high-
strung instrument to the touch of its performer. A close
observer may always determine the position of a man with
whom he is conversing, by the tone in which he addresses
him. In taking him through the gamut of behavior it will
be discovered that he sounds A natural with the same facility
as 0- sharp. Insolent and overbearing to his inferiors, rude
and laconic in his intercourse with those he considers equals,
but softly cringing to persons above him, tortured catgut
itself, scraped by a skilful hand, cannot give utterance to
tones more various. The harsh twang of the wired chord,
the growling discord of the middle string, and the soft whin-

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ing of tbe treble, are all uttered bj him as if each one was
bis own especial note. ^ No man professes to entertain a
more punctilious regard for etiquette, in all its minutest
ramifications, than an Englishman. His clothes are con-
structed on angles. His manners are apparently regulated
by the square rule. For the most elaborate laws upon the
refinements of society, a stranger may safely consult £ng*
liflh books ; for their grossest violations, he may be referred
to the English themselves. They attempt to preserve the
letter, whilst they sacrifice the spirit of their written code of
gentility. An Englishman's ethics consist in seeming not be*
ing. His career in society is a laborious attempt to deceive,
a noisy parade of what he does not possess. His feelings are
professedly influenced by the dictates of a refinement he can-
not appreciate. His manners are formed on principles he does
not understand. His existence is made up of ponderous for-
malities, full of pretension, and signifying nothing.

Among the numerous passengers of the steamer return-
ing home, was an interesting young sprig of nobility — an
Honorable Mr. Somebody, the eldest son of Lord Some-
thing, as an Englishman patroniadngly informed me one day,
immediately after he had enjoyed the honor of proffering a
light for the honorable young gentleman's cigar. He looked,
and was dressed priecisely like ninety-nine out of every hun-
dred Englishmen one meets in travelling. He was pursy in
person, and very red in the face; he had short bushy
whiskers, and parted his hair behind, brushing it forward
with the utmost particularity. He wore the universal gray
check, and sported a very small cap, and very large shoes.
His near approach to a title made it incumbent on him, I
presume, to maintain a mysterious reserve to the passengers ;
but he favored the captain, for hours together, with what
aeemed most eloquent discourse. That delighted function-
ary would then devote the balance of i^o day to retailing to
11*

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every one who voald listen to him, the yarious pr«foimd
observations this remarkable young man had been pleased
to make. Although he indulged in the easy dishabille, or-
dinarily affected by cockney tourists, ho never omitted to
make a grand toilette for dinner. He lounged about all
day in his check suit, but he always appeared just before
ei^t bells, in the afternoon, rigged out in black dress-coat,
white cravat, and white kid gloves, as if he had been invited
to a dinner-party. He was invariably the earliest at the
table, and the latest to leave it. And when he did leave it]
it was a remarkable fact that he always demanded of his
friend the captain, ^ if there was not more sea on : " the ship
appeared to roll so confoundedly, he found it difficult to
keep his legs without the support of the captain's arm. A
man who ate and drank, as he habitually did, could hardly
expect to reserve much room for breath, and he was conse-
quently nervously anxious about the proper ventilation of
the ship, as the supply of air he was able to keep en hand
was necessarily limited. We were off the Banks of New-
foundland, and it was— ^as it always is even in summer —
bitterly cold, and very uncomfortable. The passengers all
looked blue and were shivering at the table in their over-
coats ; but the Honorable yoimg man looked as red, and
perspired as freely, as if he had been roasting eggs in the
crater of Vesuvius. He insisted upon having his window
opened to its utmost extent, regardless of the chilled condi-
tion of his nei^bors. Opposite him sat a lady evidently ia
extremely bad health, who coughed almost incessantly ; and
so injurious to her was the piercing wind blowing in at the
window, that her husband ordered a waiter to close it. The
man of the roseate visage instantly opened it again, and looked
around with a frowning stare, meant to inquire who had liad
the audacity to give orders in his presence. The husbaitd
of the sick lady then sent the waiter to htm, with a polite

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ENGLISH OKNTILITY. 261

roqtteat that he would allow the window to be closed, as he
apprehended his wife might suffer seriously from the effects
of it. Without ceasing to cram his mouth, he informed
the waiter, it would perhaps be advisable for him not to
"bother" about that window any more. The gentleman
then rose himself, walked across the saloon to the rubicund
son of a Lord, and, with the greatest suavity of manner, ex-
plained to him the critical situation of his wife, and begged
of him, for her sake, to permit the window to be shut. Then
the Honorable did look up from his plate, but briefly re-
plied, with his mouth full, that he could not consent to be
suffocated though his wife was sick. The lady retired — but
this worthy representation of English nobility continued to
9tuff and swill till his shirt collar^ which seemed a sort of
thermometer of the degree of spirituous heat to which he
subjected himself, ominously drooped, warning him of the
maudlin state to which strong potations had reduced him.
The English people, who have declared the deference shown
to females in America to be very vulgar, would probably con-
sider such conduct spirited, and worthy of applause. But I
do not doubt that every American will agree with me that it
was more than contemptible, and richly deserved a kicking.
His scrupulous regard for his toilette only rendered his
rudeness more conspicuous. We were prepared to expect
better things from a man who sported such evidences of a
cultivated taste. The proof he presented in his dress, of
his having at least a vague idea of what is becoming in a
gentleman, deprived him of the single apology for his con-
duct that innocent ignorance might have afforded him. He
deemed it due the position of a son of an English nobleman
to appear daily at the dinner-table in a dress-coat, white
-cravat and white kid gloves, but he considered it no stain on
the title of his father for him to refuse so simple a request
to an invalid lady. His code of manners prescribed, with

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252 ENGLISH ITEHB.

rigid particularity, the style of dress, but said nothing, ap-
parently, of what is due the other sex. According to its
sage refinements, it would be considered an outrage for a
man, not in full dress, to appear at dinner-table, but he is
permitted to insult with impunity a sick woman — and his
conduct is applauded as a proof of manly spirit. A beau-
tiful code ! A worthy people ! to profess to be the most
refined nation of this enlightened half of the nineteenth
^ century. They are a huge sham ; an elaborately ruffled
*^ dickey ;'' a bladder of ostentatious emptiness.

That people, like the English, should regard gloves and
a dress-coat essential to gentility, does not appear remark-
able, but it does seem very extraordinary that they should
believe them its sole elements. They constitute without
doubt the garb in which it ordinarily clothes itself — bat
surely politeness is the spirit which quickens gentility into
the charms of life. When the vital spark is wanting, the gay
habiliments it wears whilst living, only render the ghastly
corpse the more disgusting. It is like arraying a festering
inmate of the dead-house for a ball. Fashionable articles
of dress prepare us for a courtesy whose absence is more
keenly felt; as the sight of an empty fireplace, on a cold day,
makes us shiver by reminding us of a fire.

But his indulgent countrymen might offer many very
plausible excuses for the ill-mannerly stubbornness of this
very honorable gentleman. In the first place — among men
by whom white kid gloves and a dress-coat are esteemed
such irresistible evidences of superior breeding, their fortu-
nate wearer might have been justly indignant that any one
should presume to address him without having previously
enjoyed the honor of an introduction. It might have been
considered proper for the husband of the sick lady to have
first gone to the captain, and begged to be presented to the
distinguished young man, before ho ventured to ask so im-

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portant a favor as the closing of a window when the ther-
mometer was little above the freezing point.

Besides, immense importance is attached, in England to
the amplitude and stiffness of a neckcloth — incalculable in-
flaenee lurks in its tie. And an Honorable might have
considered it degrading to the dignity of a white cravat to
sacrifice his rights as a passenger to the whims of a sick
woman. He had certainly paid his money, and thereby
purchased as maintainable a pre-emption on the windows as
any single individual on board. Then, too, he was a son of
a Lord.

No people have, in the organization of their government
and society, submitted to greater impositions than the
Snglis^. Immeasurable awe of their oppressors makes
them silent under public oppressions. But selfishness has
made them such inflexible asserters of the most trivial per-
sonal privileges, that they are justly regarded as nuisances
on every steamboat and railroad on which they happen to be
passengers. After the surrender of all the rights that
humanity holds dearest — and the loss of every privilege
that n&anhood should defend, they render themselves ridicu-
lous by their watchfulness over those that only old women
should deem worthy of preservation. With them, the loca-
tion of an umbrella, or the arrangement of a hat-box, are
matters of tremendous import. These are the proud prero-
gatives for which they battle — ^these are the glorious rights
they defend. In the protection of these precious advantages,
«very social compromise and genial feeling are forgotten.
The ferocious determination with which they maintain them,
puts to flight the spirit of accommodation — and they would
not, for all the women in Christendom, abate of them one
tittle, unless some more powerful incentive could be offered,
than the mere fact of their being of the gentler sex.

Our aristocratic young cockney might have apprehended.

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like a TeritaUe imiky, soiling hui immAcal&te kidB b j doing
a &Tor for an unknown indiTidual who did not sport the
same indiapensable badges of gentility. For there can be
no doabt that 'the true reason of his rudeness was, that he
dreaded the possibility of oomproniising his own position,
and that of his noble family at home, by obliging an ordi-
nary sort of person. What means had he of ascertaining
her rank in society ? 'Tis true, her manners and appearance
were those of a lady — but appearances are deceitful — and
she might hayebeen some meohanio^'s wife, which would haye
caused his friends in England to quiz him a little about
having been '^ sold.^ Besides, what possible claim could she
haye on him? He did not know her, and could therefore
deriye no benefit from inconyeniencing himself on her account.
Had she be^i reputed rich, or noble, no one who has ever
been in England, could doubt his alaerity to oblige her. The
remote prospect of future possible advantage would have
justified, in his eyes, any ordinary sacrifice. But could he
have claimed the honor of a bow from a lady, who was known
to be rich, or noble, he would have smilingly endured pro-
longed suffocation, rather than have seen her lapdog shiver.
Hot, but eager, he would have vowed in an agony of short
gasps, what infinite honor he considered it, to be able to
manifest his deep respect for her ladyship's slightest wish.
And after the infliction had passed, he would have embraced
the earliest opportunity afforded by the recovery of his
wind, to express to her ladyship the hope, that her ladyship's
charming little pet had suffered no inconvenience during the
gusty weather of the previous afternoon. To us, among
whom a lady always receives the deference due the sex,
whether she happens to be a stranger, or an acquaintance —
rich or poor — ^such reflections must seem somewhat extra-
ordinary — ^but they are, nevertheless, eminently English.
Prudent as he is by nature — economical and penurious

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in all his habits, as edacation has made him, there is no
outlay an Englishman makes more reluctantly, than that of
politeness. He often invests it, 'tis true, but always cautious-
ly and with hopes of usurious interest. Gratuitous displays,
like his other charities, are but rarely indulged in. He may
perhaps be somewhat excusable upon the principle that
where little has been given, not much ought to be required.
He has certainly not he&a. endued with so large a supply of
the article as to be at all lavish in its expenditure. Being
conscious, I suppose, of his deficiency, he reserves his polite-
ness, as he does his best wines, which are only to be served
when he is honored by the presence of his betters. He
deems it a reprehensible degree of wastefulness to display
either, except on extraordinary occasions. His civility is,
consequently, like the Sunday-clothes of a man, who only
indulges once a week in the luxury of a clean shirt — and sits
ill upon him. His smile of welcome fades into servility,
and his attempts at good-humored cordiality dwindle into
obsequiousness.

In venturing among the various tribes of semi-barbarians,
that they appear to think inhabit the different States of
America, Englishmen find it convenient to leave behind
them the unwieldy mass of formalities, by which they have
been all their lives oppressed — and generally come among
us in the undisguised nakedness of their vulgarity. Wholly
freed from the restraints imposed upon them at home by the
different grades in society, they indolently luxuriate in the
inherent brutality of their nature. They constantly violate
not only all rules of decorum, but the laws of decency itself,
with the apparent belief that we know no better than to
submit to it. They abuse our hospitality — insult our pecu-
liar institutions — set at defiance all the refinements of life,
and return home lamenting the social anarchy of America,
and retailing their own indecent conduct as the ordinary

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eiutoms of the country. They vill invite themselTes into
private houses — ^go to an elegant ball in soiled overcoats —
tak^ liberties with per£8ct strangers by a minute catechism,
that they would not dare to venture on in England — and
then abuse us as aspiring savages, utterly ignorant of the
most ordinary usages of society. But the cool assurance with
which they attempt to patronize us as inferiors — and the
intrepidity with which they do the most outrageous things,
ceases to appear so remarkable, when it is remembered how
many there are among us who believe, with these upstart
cockneys, that a titled Englishman could do nothing, and an
ordinary pit very little, that might be justly objected to as
low-bred, or indecent. According to such people, if an
Englishman is insulting in his familiarity, he only means to
show us republicans that he is not proud of his superiority
— if he is rude to a lady, he only means to be playful — if
he is impertinent to a man, 'tis only a way they have in
England. These anglicized Americans will insist that a
Briton can do no wrong. He may revile our country, and
yet be guilty of nothing more than a little innocent badinage.
He may perpetrate the most startling offences against re-
finement — and yet he does it all in his laudable anxiety to
be sufficiently supercilious and condescending to the obliging
toadies who surround him. His clumsy attacks upon his
entertainers pass for wit — ^his scurrilous abuse of Americans
is declared to be sarcasm — and an insufferable blackguard is
ingeniously metamorphosed into an elegant gentleman bj
these degenerate Americans, who only require the livery to
render them such admirable lackeys, that even their EngliBh
friends might approve their servility. An Englishman, who
arrives in America, is generally beset by just such despicable
specimens of freemen, who consider any Englishman greatly
preferable as a companion to the niost accomplished American
gentlemen. And so long as such unworthy sons of our

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Bepnblic are permitted to infest unpunisiied our larger cities,
so long will our whole nation be confounded with these strag-
gling renegades. When these Britons are surroundecl by
such fellows, eager to submit to every indignity, and receive"
any indult to enjoy the advantage of their society, they would
surprise one if they did not presume upon the supposed ob-
sequiousness of the nation. These American flunkies are
thus instrumental in involving their entire country in their
own degradation: They ought to be mounted upon the
pillar of infamy, like the bankrupt merchants of Venice in
4>ld times,

" for the hand of scorn

To point his slow unmovlDg finger af

It should be the duty of every good citizen to revile them.
They ought to be denounced in every newspaper, and hooted
by every crowd, till they were convinced that the simple
dignity of an American citizen was somewhat preferable to
playing the snubbed serving-man to any Lord in England.

During my first voyage across the Atlantic we had on
board the old Caledonia two rich London merchants and
West India sugar-planters, who had been out to the West
Indies to endeavor if possible to relieve their estates from
the ruinous effects of the general emancipation of slaves.
The elder gentleman kept a journal filled with absurd com-
plaints of America, but containing much valuable statistical
information respecting omnibus fares up and down Broad-
way-i-the comparative expense of boot-blacking in the differ-
ent cities in the Union ; and the price of every ride and every
meal the gentlemen had taken during their sojourn in Ame-
rica. After having advanced every possible objection to the
country and the people, he went on to state that " Niagara
was no great things after all ; that he had seen ibfinitely
finer waterfalls in Scotland or Wales — that the Americans

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made ' a great blow ' about Niagara, but that he bad duk
eoyered more water in a little book that he had paid six-
pence for, than he had been able to find at their boasted
'falls.'" We might place a just estimate upon this grum-
bling tourist's opinions of America and Americans, irom
this objection of his to the greatest wonder of the Western
Hemisphere. Had he found fault with the grandeur of the
Falls — ^the pioturesqueness of the scenery ; had their height
or shape not suited him, there would have been some plausi-
bility in his objection ; but to complain of the quantity of
water tumbling into the river below, exposed at once the
absurdity of the man, coming to our country resolved to dis-
approve of all he saw. So successful however had this
gentleman been in the management of his , diary, and so
eager was he to read it in detail to every passenger on board,
that he was, soon after our sailing from port, dubbed Mr,
Pips, His Mend, who affectionately followed him aboui^
listened to him as an oracle, and kindly offered himself as a
butt for his witty sayings, was familiarly known as " My
Child." One day, when they were in a greater gale of mer-
riment than Ordinary at the dinner-table, '^ Mr. Pips " chal-
lenged ^ the Child " to mortal combat, iu a chicken 6ght.
The challenge was instantly accepted, the fight to come off
immediately after dinner. I was exceedingly curious to
find out the manner of proceeding in this '' chicken fight ;"
and great was my astonishment when I discovered that
each gentleman sat himself down on the deck, and clasped
his hands over his knees, that were drawn up as much under
his chin as possible. His wrists were in this position se-
curely tied together, and a strong stick run through the
elbows, and under the knees, completing a process known
among boys at school as " bucking." When this somewhat
extraordinary arraogement was completed of each gentle-
man, he was left entirely without the power of motion ex-

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cept a Bligbt spasioodic moyemeni about the head and toes.
The sport was, when the two were pbiced face to face, for
each one to endeayor to insert his toes imder the soles of
the other, and thereby tumble him over on his back, when
he rolled helplessly till his " bottle-holder " had sufficiently
recovered from his laughter to pick him up. '

The fearful hum of preparation is heard in the distance.
Excited men and anxious women crowd the cleared deck.
Every thing betokens that some deed of dreadful note is to
be done. AH eyes are turned towards that end of the ship
from ^ich the rival combatants are to issue forth. No
word is spoken, and the nervous fidgeting of the passengers
alone denotes the intensity of their suspense. At last the
little knots of particular friends appeared, and in their midst
were the two combatants arrayed for battle. Slowly and ma-
jestically the impatient rivals are bumped noiselessly along
the deck by their attendant backers. Their eyes gleam daa-
zlingly upon each other, as they approach. Each one bears his
head proudly erect, and his dilated nostrils seem to indicate
that the souls of a thousand heroes are being stirred vio-
lently within him. When finally prepared for their work,
each ambitious aspirant to Olympic honors sat silent, solid
and immovable as the grim statue of Memnon. Indeed,
however spri^tly he might have been in his intentions, a
very slight distortion about the head and toes was the ut-
most extent of locomotion, of which he was capable. They
are now face to &ce. During one awful moment they
pause, for a last mighty inhalation oi breatli and valor,
when, with the agility of the lightning's flash, they join hos-
tile toes, as angry bulls lock horns, and at once the promis-
cuous skrimmage begins. Never was such animation among
toes witnessed before ; the Highland fling was a minuet
compared to it. Such scrambling and scrouging — such
squirmiug and screwing it was really exhilarating to behold.

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The nnusnal exertions of the untrained champions seem
strangely overcoming to both, as they swell and grow red
like turkey-cocks. Their fight soon demonstrated the fact,
that ioWow does not always indicate wind; for however
amply endowed each gentleman might be with the former,
in the latter he was not long in showing himself lamentably
deficient. Brief but violent was the conflict. Each corpu-
lent champion wheezed like an overcharged locomotive.
" Science however must prevail" The right foot of " the
• Child," possessing a cunning that the too confident " Pips "
knew not of^ by a dexterous flourish suddenly toppled his
puffing opponent from his centre of gravity. Exhausted,
the ponderous Pips tumbled upon the resounding deck.
Overthrown, not vanquished, he wildly glared upon his tri-
umphant foe, who essayed to flap his pinioned arms, as he
loudly crowed in exulting mockery. The peculiar manner
of doing up was naturally calculated to produce a consider*
able stretch both of hide and breeches. And when by the
casualties of battle a champion was, like a cracked dinner-
pot, turned bottom upwards, with both skin and cloth drawn
tight as a drum-head, the exposition was immense. No one,
but those who witnessed it, can conceive of the very ludi-
crous appearance of a plump middle-aged gentleman, tightly
trussed up as a Christmas goose, and convulsively wallow-
ing on his back. He afforded an ^ aspect " as unusual and
much more startling than that presented by the famous
frizzled chicken, of fabled memory.

Boiling in helpless agony — ^deaf to the jeers of the by-
standers at the absurdity of his exposed position — ^the &llen
combatant is only eager for a renewal of the fray. At last
hifl convulsed bottle-holder so far recovered the command of
his muscles as to lift him first into a sitting position, and
then bump him along as before^ till within reach of his re-
joicing foe, when they again joined toes, as if life depended

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on the result. Once more oommenoes the shnffling and
gcuffling, the rearing and pitching — each gentleman creating
as much noise, and kicking up as great a dust, as if he had
been miraculously metamorphosed into a centipede, with his
hundred feet, instead of a single pair. Fierce continues the
doubtful contest. Black and turgid, the big veins start
from their glowing fronts. Their knotted muscles writhe
and twist in the desperation of the fearful struggle. Their
sinews crack, and nerves quiver in that tremendous strain,
Benewed wriggling and twisting — ^sliding and clipping, an**
nounee the intensity of their final efforts — when the swollen
cheeks and protrudii^ eyes, accompanied by the shortening
gasps of the Child seemed ominous of his approaching fall.
By a sudden sleight^ the toes of Pips are surreptitiously in-
serted under the weary soles of the Child, whose heels un-
expectedly salute the setting sun. Heavily he rolls from*
side to side, like a high-pooped Dutch brig in a storm ; af-
fording during his prostration, to the curious among the
spectators, fin admirable opportunity for studying prominen-
ces, which are certainly not laid down on phrenological
charts.

The laughter again subsiding, the Child is put into a
fighting position, and at it they go, as if this was but the be-
ginning of their conflict. The assault renewed, encouraging
acclamations incite the flagging foes. The noisy bustle once
more shakes the trembling deck, as whirling, twirling, rum-
bling, tumbling, they writhe in the agony of their struggles.
Hot and furious raged the combat. The laughing cheers of
the excited spectators, ringing merrily forth, threw the labor-
ing combatants into spasms of exertions, still more terrible.
Their suppressed breathing and clenched teeth told of the
earnestness of their endeavors. As regardless of ^*all
around, above, beneath," as two infuriated ants locked in
deadly conflict— they heave, they slide, they roll, in the fight,

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frightening vomen, and orertaming campstools, in the yio-
lence of the onset. By heaven it was a noble sight to see !
The heroio strife of these valiant Englishmen, contending
for the smiles of approving beantj, was worthy of the chival-
ric days of Britain. I feel abashed whilst making this feeble
record of their exploits. They deserve some modem Ho-
mer to sing their prowess, and embalm in Epic verse their
fame. The story of their deeds should become a part of
history ; their names should be the battle cry of the Erring
knights of every cockpit in Christendom ; and the details of
this drefd combat, between doughty Pips and his illustrio«»
ChUdy should be as familiar to '' heeler " and '< pitters " as
the cant phrases of the mug. Frantic were still the efibrtft dT
both. But the invidious GU>d of battles semed still to &vor
the boastful Pips. The Child seemed stricken by some sad*
den fear, a panic crept through every limb, his muscles be-
came relaxed; his nerves shook, his eyes rolled fearfcdly,
and he would have fled had flight been possible. Escape
was hopeless. He struggled yet Awhile feebly on, whett
again he rolled at the feet of the redoubtable Pips. A hon-*
dred straining throats hail the victorious hero, whose visage,
resplendent with smiles and exertion, beamed forth \m
thanks.

Both gentlemen had arrived at lliat respectable period
of life, when certain corporeal developments bec(»ne rathw
prominent. And now '^ the Child," with his bluntest ex*
tremity turned towards blushing heaven and the ladies, ex-
hibited a portion of his person, which, however konoraiie it
may be deemed, is usually considered most presentable, when
veiled by the mysterious folds of a coat-tail. But it may be
altogether proper, or even fashionable, for aught I know, for
gentlemen in England to make Uiese somewhat remarkable
exhibitions to the pubUc. All this may have been English
gioitility, indulging in a little ground and lofty tumblbg,

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ENGLISH OSNTILITr. Z63

merely to show us innocent republicans, that the thing had
joints, and could sometimes use them — ^but to a plain man,
like myself, it seemed much more like what I should now
designate as the quintessence of cockney vulgarity. Suppose
^at during the tour of Mr. Dickens or some other scribbling
Englishnian, a couple of our western pioneers had been sud-
denly seized with the immodest desire of exhibiting, in this
extraordinary way, their fair proportions, in the ladies^
cabin of one of our Southern steamboats. We should never
have heard the last of it. It would have been heralded from
one end of Europe to the other, as irresistible evidence of
the vulgarity of the American character, and obscenity of
Amerioan taste. Even the heinous crimes of spitting and
bolting would have paled into petty vices, beside this feaffiil
outrage of decency. We should have had lengthy disserta-
tions, in every language in Europe, upon the indecent license
of American manners.- Our men would have been denounced
as devoid of all modesty, and our women of all shame.
English journals would have piously regretted the fearful in-
fiuences of vice and corruption, which have always existed in
republics ; and English philanthropists would have seriously
debated the propriety of sending out missionaries to improve
our morals. We should have been held up to the world as
a warning example of the avenging curse of heaven, for those
twin abominations, slavery and democracy. All pious, moral
and discreet people would have been considerately put upon
their guard, against us lawless republicans. They would
have been earnestly warned against all connection, public or
private, with a people, whose total disregard even of the
decencies of life make them such dangerous companions for
the true friends of law and order. Our influence would le
deprecated, our society shunned, and our principles con-
demned as inimical to all that good men love, because for-

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264 XNGUSH ITEMS.

sootii, a couple of western hnnters had taken it into tBeir
heads to make an exhibition, which it seems an Englishman
can make dailj without exciting either surprise or comment.
The English aristocracy have issued their edict, which
all flunky Americans obey, that the wearers of linsey-wool-
sey, and broadcloth can have nothing in common. Their
language and actions, though they may happen to be identi-
cally the same, are placed in widely different categories.
The pranks, which in a backwoods American would be stig-
matized as shocking obscenity, become, when perpetrated by
a rich Englishman, charming evidences of sportive humor.
The English and their echoes still persist in reversing the
scriptural precept, and always judge most harshly of those,
who have enjoyed fewest advantages. A backwoodsman might
do something offensive to refined taste, for which his ignorisince
should be a sufficient apology. But these illiberal judges
would vituperate him, but blandly ^mile upon the improprieties
of a man, whose wealth and associations in society ought to
have taught It^im better. In a western American "the
chicken fight " would have been an abomination ; but when
enacted by a rich West India merchant, and planter, it
was but a playful acknowledgment to the ladies and gentle-
men on board the steamer, that the proportions of his person
had not materially changed, but only become more fully de-
veloped since his days of tight breeches and round jackets.
From the American, similarly situated, every woman should
fly in blushing confusion ; but any lady, who should have
the delicacy to feel shocked by the graceful exposures of an
English Gentleman^ would be ridiculed as affecting a false
modesty, that nobody but Americans are guilty of I am
not very familiar with the science of anatomy, and there
may exist a sufficient difference between the conformation of
a lean pioneer, and a^ corpulent Ei^glishman, to justify the

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distinction they seem inclined to make in favor of the latter.
And the English may very probably be right, in supposing
that there is something much more alarming to ladies in the
angular projections of a lank western hunter, than in the
plump proportions of one of their own beef-fed countrymen.

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CHAPTEE IX.

.OBiam OF THE CHUSCH OF ENGLAND.

THE high-churclunen, always great sticklers for birth and
pedigree, are somewhat squeamish as to the origin of the
Established Church of England Thej are loath to. attri-
bute their greatest blessing to their greatest tyrant, and
would fain discover in the various excesses of the old reli-
gion, the causes of the Reformation, which were snuglj
stowed away in that bloated budget of atrocities, fat Henry
himself.

If there be any of that importance about mere origin,
which English churchmen are eager to attach to it, they
may be somewhat excusable, perhaps, for their solitary be-
lief in their own infallibility. The Church of England cer-
tainly owes its existence to the most exalted source, and has
never disgraced its lineage. If Henry could return to earth,
he would have no reason to blush for the degeneracy of his
offspring. It has always borne about it unmistakable marks
of its descent, and still continues to practise some of the pe-
culiar virtues of its founder. The easy indifference, with
which the earlier primates could turn from the terrible
scenes of their persecutions to the touching offices of religion,
bears a startling family resemblance to the indelicate haste
of the tyrant in marrying Jane Seymour, the day after the
execution of Anne Bullen, when the latter had so recently
been the object of his tenderest solicitude. Does not the

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ORIGIN OF THE CHUBOft OF ENGLAND. 207

malignity, with wkich tbey pursued both Puritans and
Catholics, seem bat the reflection of Smithfleld's blazing
fires, which Henry kindled alike for the followers of Luthei^
and the adherents. of the Pope? And do not the ostenta-
tious regard for forms and the hollow ceremonies of the
modern Church, the fondness of its ministers for display,
and their eagerness for riches, still recall some of the promi-
nent attributes of the corpulent Henry ?

When it is remembered how much this modem Blue
Beard was given to matrimony and extravagance, it no
longer continues surprising that he quarrelled with the
Pope in order to take unto himself a new wife, and that he
destroyed the monasteries to satisfy his avarice. To gratify
his old. passions, and acquire the means of indulging new,
was too much in accordance with Henry's disposition to need
any ghostly advisers in hurrying on the Beformation. Once
commenced, the work went bravely on. The dispute with
the Pope, begun to gratify the king's love of Anne BuHen,
was carried to extremities to gratify His Majesty's love of
gold. Bich monasteries were pillaged. Their confiscated
lands were divided among worthless court favorites — ^their
treasures squandered in idle court shows; The laey monks
were expelled — their well-stocked larders destroyed — their
saintly images broken — and altars overthrown. Their old
tenants were loaded with heavier tithes to support a new
clergy, who hankering more after lawn and lucre than venison,
substituted in their worship the king for ihe Virgin Mary, and
filled up the calendar of aboliedied saints with a long list of
their titled patrons.

It was a gloomy omen for the future purity and tolera-
tion of the Established Church, that it had sprung from the
lusts, and been founded in the rapacity of a tyrant. From
such a beginning, it appears but natural, that bigotry should
color its doctrines, and persecution mark its course. It

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seemed neeessary to infect it witk every species of worldii^
ness, in order to render it wortky of its royal progenitor,
wfaio had the sacrilegious audacity to clothe his vices in the
holy garb of religion, and to make his conscience the vile
pretext for a viler action. The divorce from Catherine,
Henry assures us, was the result of pious alarm ; his having
so long violated a canon of the Church, founded on the
Levitical law, was certainly well calculated to produce it
But during the eighteen years of his marriage with Queen
Catherine of Arragon, the king's scruples had comfortably
remained in the profoundest slumber, and they were only
awakened with love for Anne Bullen. It is surprising, after
so long a nap, how amazingly sprightly His Majesty's coo-
science became. Its delicacy and refinement may be justly
estimated, by the somewhat prolonged period of its tor^
pidity.

Had Henry, apart from all religious considerations, been
actuated by a single noble impulse, — ^had he simply rebelled
against the encroaching tyrannies of Rome, or only attempt-
ed to curb the excesses of her arrogant priesthood, the origin
of the High Church of England might have still possessed
something of that nobility, which its zealous adherents would
feaa ascribe to it. But up to the period of his outbreak
against Rome, no prince in Christendom had appeared more
steadfast in his devotion to the Pope, than his corpulent
Majesty. In the mildness of his enthusiasm, he had descendr
ed from his kingly dignity, laid aside his royal robes, and
entered the public ring of theological wrangling to contend,
in behalf of the Pope, with that cunning wrestler, Martin
Luther himself The rude reformer did not receive him
with that tender consideration that a royal personage might
reasonably have expected ; but though he richly deserved the
rough treatment his temerity exposed him to^ his zeal
merited all the ^' mouth honor" conferred on him at the

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ORIGIN OB* THS OHUBOH OF ENGLAND.

time. And after having been publicly complimented by the
special commendation and affection of the Pope, he could
sport the sonorous title of " Defender of the Faith," with the
blushing consciousness of haying won it.

After the eighteen years of uninterrupted connubial
quiet with Catherine of Arragon, the king's religious scru-
ples became suddenly alarmed at having so long lived in
the holy estate of matrimony with a brother's widow. Being
at last awakened to the enormity of his crime, it was but
natural that a tender conscience like his should have been
assailed with all sorts of sulphurous visions of purgatory, and
that his fragile frame should have been fearfully shaken by
superstitious horrors of every shape. What -mortal could
calmly endure the intense anguish of such remorse 1 He
flew to Bome for relief. And it was only when Pius VIL
hesitated by granting him a divorce to set aside the dispen-
sation of a venerable predecessor for the solemnization of
the marriage, that Henry's devotion was turned to bitter,
ness. In the excess of his virtuous indignation he resolved
to defy the authority of that church, whose canons he had
such holy horror of breaking, even with the connivance of it#
head. He felt there was a higher power whose simple fiat
should outweigh the indulgences of all St Peter's succefr*
Sors together. The Levitical law was more sacred to him
than the accumulated bulls of a thousand Popes. Alone
he stood forward the champion of morality and religion, the
avenger of outraged decency and the advocate of civil rights.
Such distinguished sincerity, such refined delicacy, it seems
to me, should entitle their possessor to the highest admira-
tion of posterity. The churchmen whose fortunes he
founded should be eternally grateful for the illustrious ex-
ample of piety he gave, in shrinking from so sinful a opn-
neetion ; they should uncei^ingly thank him for the admira-
ble evidence of intvepidity he afforded, when he resisted

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^at power, which would have forced him to continue it.
Since they cannot canonize him, but are aUowed to indulge a
passion for heraldry, they might, at least, quarter his arms
over the door of every established church in the kingdom.
The factions might, however, declare that it was a little re*
markable that Henry was never disturbed by those praise-
worthy apprehensions of sin till he had grown weary of the
person of his wife, who was some years older than himself.
But surely such a coincidence should not stain the purity of
his conduct. Because he had passed eighteen years of his
life in evil-doing is no reason why he should not have ex-
perienced the greatest eagerness to atone for past faults.
He never pined for a divoree till he had wholly yielded him*
self up to his unruly passion for A^ne BuUen. That should
not have lessened his anxiety to free himself from a connec-
tion, revolting alike to his pious feelings as a Christian and
his moral sentiments as a man. He never questioned the
divine right of the Pof)e till he refused to minister to his
vices. But ought this fact to tarnish the glory he won ia
freeing England from the rule of the spiritual tyrant ? Sttoli
'a monarch, actuated by motives so pious, so holy, so ex-
alted, the Church of England may well feel proud of, as ita
founder.

But there are churchmen so little orthodox in their esti-
mate of Henry's religious character, that they would will-
ingly prove the church a foundling, the mysterious results
of a happy combination of circumstances, instead of allows
ing her all the advantages of her distinguished parentage.
The atrocity of the attempt is only equalled by its folly.
History fortunately furnishes facts wbich estabKsh the illus-
trious pedigree of. the church as indisputably as if it had
been recorded in the Herald's College. These skeptics m&y
declare that the public mind had been gradually prepared
for the great religious revolution, and that Henry, fiir the

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ORIGIN OF THS CHURCH OF KNGLAND. 127 1

only time in his life, consulted the wiflihes of the people ia
breaMng his allegiance with the Pope.

There can be no doubt but that the overgrown power of
Borne had become extremely irksome in England. Many
of the nobles were anxious to see the country freed trom the
inordinate riches and encroaching disposition of the clergy.
Although the rival forms of Uie two churches were, to them,
matters of supreme indifference, as the accommodating elas-
ticity of their consciences during the rapid religious changes
under Mary, Edward and Elizabeth abundantly proved, yet
they both feared and hated the arrogant priesthood, whose,
superior opulence overshadowed the magnificence of their
own order. The immense riches accumulated by the six hun*
dred and forty-fiVe monasteries, the ninety colleges, the two
thousand three hundred and seventy-four chantries and free
chapels, and one hundred and ten hospitals wMeh. Henry was
pleased to plunder, are almost incredible. One of their own
partisans concluded that they possessed little less than one-
fifth of the entire landed property of England, besides their
eftormous revenues arising from other sources. When it is
remembered that in addition to wealth so unusual, all ton-
sured persons enjoyed an immunity from civil punishment
for crimes, it is no. longer surprising that they should have
been regarded wiih. fear and su&^ieion,even by their own party.
Possessing, as they did, such extraordinary means of every
vicious indulgence, without the restraint imposed on other
members of society by the civil law, it is not improbable
that their excesses merited the exaggerated rep<Hrt8 made
by Henry's commissions of visitation. But so far was this
natur^ desire for an improvement in the morals of her
priesthood from inciting any alienation from the old church,
that when Henry first attacked her, by his daring spoliation
of the smaller convents, a rebellion convulsed the north of
England, and disturbances occurred in various portions of the

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kingdom. What better eridence of strong attaehment to
the Catholic Church could be adduced than that the tyrant,
with all the terror of his name, was unable to quell the in-
dignation of the people at his officious tampering with their
faith? The dissatisfaction was much increased upon the
destruction of the larger convents in 1540. Eyen Henry,
whose fierce nature seemed to delight in warring against
CKkL and man, became alarmed, and he attempted to enlist
the most powerful of the nobles on his side, by bribing them
with the confiscated estates of the monasteries. Does
such universal disaffection, from so despotic a government,
evince any eagerness, on the part of a nation, for reli^ous
changes ? No, no ! It was Henry, not the people, who had
quarrelled with the Pope. His vices and not their devo-
tional feelings were to be gratified by the Reformation. If
Catherine of Arragon had been younger, or Anne Bullea
less beautiful, England might have become Protestant, in the
lapse of ages, but she would have escaped the crushing
weight of the hierarchy.

When Henry, after his rupture with the Pope, graceMly
resigned the magnificent title of ^ Defender of the FaiUi,"
and assumed the one no less imposing, of '^ Protector and
Supreme Head of the Church," he conducted himself as
step-fathers, on such occasions, are wont to do. He at once
commenced a rigid inquiry into the morals of his adopted
charge. The monks were reported to be somewhat loose
and erratic in their habits. Their tender giiardian declared
them incapable of managing their own affiEkirs, and wishing,
I presume, to present to the world a startling example of
his superior justice and piety, coolly robbed them of all
their possessions, and would himself have pocketed the
money, if he had dared. Every friend of law and order
felt outraged, by the king's glaring violation of the sacred
rights of property. Admitting that the monasteries har-

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ORIGIN OP THE bflUBCH OF ENGLAND. 273

bored individuals who were guilty of excesses, and even
crimesj before what legal tribunal had they been ar-
raigned ? By what jury had they been condemned ? By
what right had the king become censor of the morals of his
subjects 7 What stretch of the royal prerogative had given
him this sweeping power of confiscation, to regulate th^ pri-
vate lives of the people ?

The monks, too, with all tibeir jolly vices, had many and
warm friends in the kingdom. The great mass of the popu-
lation, who would have hailed with joy a decent reformation
of their morals, were alarmed into resistance by this terrible
blow, struck, through the monusteries, at the Church itself.
Besides, there were many who continued to entertain an af-
fectionate weakness for the religious houses, in spite of all
their failings. Those who had dead friends to be prayed
for, those whose smful courses made them look forward with
trembling eagerness t6 the masses that were to be said for
thsiir souls, after they had been called to their final reckon-
ing, — the benighted travellers who missed the cheering hos-
pitality of the scattered monks, and the beggars who daily
received alms at the gates of the monasteries, — all assisted
to swell the wail of timorous indignation at the sacrilege of
Henry.

The pious haste with which he devoted the incontinent
abbots and their followers to destruction, was no doubt in-
creased by the gratifying prospect of their confiscated trea-
sures, which were by no means unacceptable to a spend-
thrift of his expensive tastes and improvident disposition.
But, with the impious audacity to strike the blow, he lacked
the moral courage to enjoy the fruits of his wickedness.
Bewildered by the storm of opposition which assailed him,
he was compelled to dole out the pilfered estates of the
church to the nobility, hoping, by making his crime their
interest, to enlist these ready allies of evil on his side.
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Thtis cowardice defeated the only possible benefit that might
have arisen to the state, from so flagrant an outrage in its
head. Had Henry retained these immense treasures, his
Bubjecta might have been relieyed, at least, from the bui^
den of " supporting the dignity of the crown,'* and " pro-
viding for the public defence ":— two favorite pretexts, in
despotic governments, for squandering the money of the
people. But, what he did not lavish in idle parade, having
become the victim of his own fears, he distributed to covet*
ous courtiers, to swell their large fortunes, whilst he re-
mained as needy and craving as before. His suceeBSora,
backed by these powerful nobles as their friends, and sup-
ported by the numerous party of reformers who had sprung
up in the kingdom, possessing all the facilities he had af-
forded them for completing the work he had himself com-
menced, were still unable peaceably to establish the High
Church of England. Rebellion and insurrection followed
die attempt, and Burnet admits that Edward was forced to
send over for foreign soldiers, to intimidate the obstinate
bigotry of the people.

When Henry, with all his terrible machinery for awing
discontent into silence, had been unable, without outbreaks,
to interfere with the religious opinions of the nation, it fs
scarcely to be supposed that Edward, or ere^ the more reso-
lute Elizabeth, could ever have established the new church,
had he not prepared the way for them, by wholly changing
the estate of the upper house of Parliament, when he de-
stroyed the monasteries. The abbots and priors, to whom
writs of summons had been previously issued, added to the
twenty-one Bishops, had always given the Spiritual Lords
the majority in the House of Peers. These, whether actu-
ated by attachment to their belief, or by worldly considera-
tions, would always have firmly resisted every attempt at
alterations in their form of worship.

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OBIOIM or 3!» CHSr»P9 OF SirOLAVB. STfi

Who can donbt that it was Henry's will, and not the
general desire of the people, which comnenoed the Refor-
mation in England ? Who can pretend that the destruc-
tion of the monastevies was not the immediate cause of its
accomplishment? Had the expelled churchmen been al-
lowed to retain their places in the Hous^ of Lords, the Pro-
testant successors of Henry could never h»ye obtained that
powerful ,influettce oyer the nation which was derived from
a decree of Parlismeut. And, though the people murmur-
ingly submitted to despotic 4power, when sustained by the
instinctive obedience to law with whioh they had been
reared, iihey would never have yielded rights so dear as
their religious belief to tyranny alone. So tremendous a
revolutiQii could never hare been effected in England, but
for Henry's destruction of the monasteries.

The tyrant's unholy love for Anne BuUen &rst in4ueed
l^m to set up a church of his own ; his spcdiation of the
monasteries enabled his successors to sustain it Henry's
lust produced the Ohnrch of England ; his rapaoity eaMi'
Ushed ii

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OHAPTEE X.
PEBSBCunoH .inn>SB the bbtablbhxd gbubok

BLOODY Mary has never lacked a chronicler of her wkked
deeds. Her crueltj and bigotry are themes, upon yMth
historians of sneoessive ages have dilated with inoreafling
eleqnence. All persons of rank, who saffered during her
reign, are thrust into prominent places in history, and trea
obscure mediocrity is lighted into immortality by the iadli-
ing fires of Smithfield. Every state trial is noted wi&
eagerness, every fine recorded, and the list of the martyxB
burnt at the stake is preserved with commendable aoouraey.
Leaders of rival parties have vied with each other in heaping
obloquy on lier memory. But no politician ever sought
popularity, or author renown, by dwelling on the persecutions
which followed under her Protestant successor.

Yet the implacable fury of Elizabeth was not directed
against a single sect. The omission of the surplice and the
use of the crucifix were crimes, in her eyes, equally deserving
of punishment ; and Puritans and Catholics both became
the objects of her remorsdess bigotry. It seems the anxious
wish of Englishmen, of every grade, that the lurid glare of
persecution under Elizabeth should pale before the vaunted
glories of her reign. In remembering the eloquence of
Shakspeare, and the learning and wisdom of Bacon, and
boasting of the intimidation of their Scottish neighbors, and
the continued sijibjugation of the Irish, in exulting in the

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deeds of Drake and Hawkins, and tiie destraetion of the
Spanish armada, men are too prone to forget the religions
intolerance of their favorite soyereign.

No record has been kept of the obnoxious . seets who
perished in prison from privation, nor can we tell how many
were reduced to beggary, by the infliction of enormous fines
or the entire confiscaticm of their estates. But we do know,
from undoubted authority, that under this wise, chaste and
most Ohmtian pi^neess, two hundred «nd four Catholics alone
lost their lives for opinion's sake, and that the fearful clank
of the rack was rarely silent during the latter years (^ hex
reign.

In obsequious Parliaments, that knew no law but Hko
Qoeen's pleasure, statute succeeded statute, robbing them
of every right an Englishman holds dear. The strict pro*
hibfislon of all public enjoyment of tiieir religion was net
deemed sufficient. The most clandestine performance of
iheiit rites was strietly forbidden; priests were banished
fifom the kingdom on pain of death, and those were punished
who were aware of their presence, without giving immediate
information. Ingenious tests were contrived, by whioh the
perseouted Catholics were excluded from all offices of trust
and honor. The sacred precincts id their homes were in*
vaded by spies and informers, armed with a revolting oath,
the refusal of which hurried the inoffensive vietiiBS to {wison^
mr subjeeted them to ruiiious fines and confiscations. The
terrible tribunals of the Star Chamber and High Conuniesion
Court deprived tibem of those only guarantees of personal
freedimi — ^the habeas corpus act and trial by jury. But even
when allowed, by an ostentatious parade of clemency, the
benefit of the ordinary course of law, what hope had they of
receiving justice in a community in which men regarded a
Pa^t^as a dangerous criminal? Blisafoeth, however, when
she oeeasionally made these specious exhibitions of pretended

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jeotB might, by ehaiiM, prore stronger than ikeit prejudaoea,
resorted to means, anhesrd of at tiie present dby, to ssonce
Terdiets in aeeordance with her own relentless di^Kisiftion.
Sherills had genmnd orders to select isaxk jorors as they b«-
liered finrorable to the Qneen^s views; but when thk eaqpe-
dient oooasionally failed, whole juries have be^i fined and
imprisoned for daring to retnm verdicts in known, oppositioa
to her wishes. Such were the madiinations against Hoe op-
pressed Catholics, and such the remorseless bigotry of tbe
Queen, that even this semblance of doing them justice, ao-
cording to the Common Law of England, became a heartieas
mockery.

The Archbishops, nnder Elisabeth, enabled by the bound-
less authority of ihe Court of High Commission rigUHy to
enforoe the Acts of Supremacy, of Uniformity, and otiienB,
enaeted by debased Parliaments for the entire extiipa^ba
of Popery, readily won for themselves a notoriety worthy of
the Inquisition in its blackest days. The eagerness they
dii^layed in their too ready obedience to these nefanous
enactments, by pursuing unoffending Catholics, might, in the
eyes of bigoted higfa-ohurohmen, justly entitle th^rn to be
oonsidwed ocnaments of tlM new religion, which, avowedly,
had been purged of all the sup^stition and intolerance of
the old. But could this intemperate zeal, whose end waa
blood, obtain the approbation of our God, who commands to
forgive our enemies, and to pray for those who despitefuMy
use us 1 And yet such holy hypocrites as Pai^er and
Whitgift, who profbssed, in opposition to the POpe, to take
tiie Bible as their guide, could employ such degraded emis-
saries as Topcliife to- dog the footsteps <>£ their preten^d
enemies, to pervert their confidential discourses into tseaaoD-
able threats, and to search the most private places of their
homes for hiddsn evidences of Popery ; when aU CathoUe

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oeteiDOiiies in puUie hftd been sappreased ; wlien prifists
w«re. prohibited to enter the kingdom on pain of death;
when Catholics were compelled to attend Protestant
ohorches, and assist in the performance of rites as repa|piaat
to their consciences as Christians^ as their indep^ndenoe as
Boten. Yet these modern Pharisees^ arrayed in lawn and
hjpoerisjy with prayer on their lips and murder' in tibesjr
hearts, would dare to kneel before 'the altar and implore
Gtod to deliver them ^^from envy, hatred, and malice, and all
uncharitableness." Did God or mammon,^espect for Holy
Writ or ^ust of power, urge them on in these unhaUowed
eouxaea 7 When the religion that they, at the same time,
professed and disgraced, breathes peace on earth and good will
to men, what Christian could regard such bitter intolerance
as an eyidence of sincerity ? What portion of the Scriptures,
ih&t they professed to obey, had taught them to drink in, as
music, the cries of their victims stretched on the rack?
' ]^hat feeling of humanity could prompt them to watch, with
delight, their quivering limbs whilst being drawn and quar-
tered by the hangman? Their unnecessary zeal in obeying
those cruel edicts, was revolting alike to the charity of
Christians and humanity of men !

Sophists, in attempting to extenuate the conduct of t(i0
Arehbishops, might advance three plausible apologies far
their insane bigotry. They might pretend that, actuated by
profound principles of state policy, Whitgift had sacrificed
to a sense of duty, his charity as a Christian. They might
declare that according to ihe more than doubliul morality.of
^Vexpediency/' both he and Parker were justifiable in their
persecutions, in order to retain their pdsiticms and influenee
at court, by yielding to the prejudices of the Queen. Or,
lastly, they might tell us that they were influenced^ by the
uncontrollable hatred, incident to the jealousy between rival
churchea But I feel e«)fident that I can show that each

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of these poflitions is untenaMe. I think I can prove that
the persecutions, vader these distinguished primates, sprung
from, and were nurtured by, the malevolent mtolerance that
has always characterized the Established Church of England.

State policy has always been made, in despotic govern-
ments, the cloak for countless severities and many crimes.
Ministers may be vile, the king tyrannical, and the church
corrupt ; yet historians, professing to preserve the records of
truth, have always been* found blandly to attribute their atro-
cities to the imperious necessity of " State policy.** But
this flattering vindication cannot be applied to the conduct
of the Archbishops. They stood alone among the advisers
of the crown in their unrelenting hostility to dissenters of
every denomination ; they surpassed the Queen herself in
their rancor, Sympathy with public grievances and indi-
vidual suffering, is not ordinarily of the keenest nature in
the hearts of ambitious statesmen. They often correct
abuses and submit to reforms, 'tis true, but they are rathar
driven by tiie force of public opinion, than actuated by com-
passion for the wrongs of the oppressed people. Yet those
in the cabinet of Elizabeth, who were the bitterest enemies
of the Catholics, shrunk back appalled by the bloody zeal of
Whitgift and Parker, though a majority of the nation ap-
proved the exterminating edicts against popery. Lord Bur-
leigh) and Sir Christopher Hatton, indignant at the unneces-
sary cruelty with which Catholics Were pursued^ boldly
remonstrated with the Queen against the unseemly excess of
her Archbishops. But their revengeful bigotry was too
much in accordance with Elizabeth's own gloomy temper, to
aUow her to listen to the counsels of her more reasonable
advisers.

Admitting that the interests of church and state were
so intimately allied, as to make it necesi^ary to restrain the
open exercise of Jbhe Romish rites, how can their admirers

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pi^iate the conduct of the ArobMshops, after the most pri-
vate indulgence of tliese forbidden ceremonies had been sup-
pressed, and the persecuted Papists compelled to attend the
Protestant churches? Their terrified imaginations, haunted
by the consciousness of cruelty, might on the slightest pro-
vocation have conjured up plots to overturn the state, and
conspiracies to murder the Queen. But ihere were no
grounds of fear, -except of those air-drawn daggers that al-
ways diake the souls of tyrants. The Boman Catholics,
though deprived of every civil and religious right, had never
manifested a disposition to rebel against the government.
Helpless in their sufferings, unarmed atfd unmurmuring, it
seems to me that the Christian meekness of their resignation
should have excited something like forbearance in the souls
of their oppressors, ^ut submission in their victims seem-
ed but more fiercely to exeite the ire of these insatiable
churchmen. Even when all causes of animosity had been
removed, and every object of persecution suppressed — ^when
their foes had nothing more left of which^ they could rob
them, and not even a murmur against their cruelty could- be
heard to excite their indignation, they played the part of
the wolf in the fable towards the lamb : they accused the
downtrodden Catholics of stirring the fierce stream of per-
Moution that poured from the Protestant church, and sHE
fltrther punished them for evils that they themselves had in-
flieted on the land.

So far were the Catholics from resisting the government,
that the united efforts of the Parliament, the Queen, and
her pet churchmen, were unable to drive them into rebel-
lion though their barbarities seemed perpetrated with that
intention. They remained unshaken in their allegiance,
though the whole Catholic world stood ready to avenge their
wrongs. The Pope thundered forth his bulls. France and
Spain lent emissaries and distributed money, with the vain

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hope of ezoiiiBg a roTolt, tbftt ikej were most anxidus to 4U9h
sist. These two nations then wished to aid them, in spite
of themselves ; and only demanded, in case of an inya«ian,
their passive neutrality. But these despised Papists, de-
prived of every privilege that made the name of English-
man tolerahle, so loved England and her Queen, that they
were unwilling to receive their rights from strangers, when
the price demanded for them was the. Constitution of .tiieir
country.

When a powerful armament of the then mightiest king-
dom of the universe, threatened the entire suhji^tion id
Great Britain ^ when the Spanish Armada, freighted with
the picked men of Castilian chivalry, was hovlering nea^ the
coast, and every English heart, from the Que^a to the
humblest peasant, quaked with terror — ^the persecuted Par
pists, instead of quietly awaiting the deliverance promised
them by these Spanish invaders, rushed to their standards,
and the Catholic gentry were the first to appear in the field,
with volunteers/or the defence of the Queen. All history
cannot afford another such example of heroic disinterested-
ness. Poets love to sing the. praises of patriotism ; histo-
rians delight to immortalize its possessors ; but the eulogy
of a self-sacrificing patriotism like this should. not be pro-
nounced by poets and historians alone. It should not be
confined to a single nation ; it should be sounded in eyeiy
land — ^it should find an echo in every heart. Patoriotifim,
though so noble, so exalted, is but too often the result of
the blessings of a government, or the delights of a home.
But these Catholic gentlemen, in coming to the aid of the
Queen, were sacnnficing position, wealth, religion, and life it-
self to an ungrateful country. What more glorious evidence
could be adduced that the spies, and the rack, the fires and
tho gallows of their persecutors were not necessary to teach
them their duti^ as Englishmen 7 What better protf could

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be reqidred, that no coD8iderati<ms of State policy could
dictate the destruction of men so ready to brave danger, in
defe&oe of their oppressors ?

Passive obedience is too often demanded by monarchs
from ambitious subjectS) as the price of royal favor. And
Buoh is the tenacity with which men cling to power, that
even honorable minds will frequently sink to the commission
of mean, and sometimes guilty deeds, in order to retain it.
Ha4 the Archbishops held their sees, as the Ministers of
State their ^oes, by the frail tenure of a tyrant^s will, self-
' ishness might have afforded them, in the eyes of the worldly,
a mean eJcense for their conduct. But even this miserable
pretext was denied them. They held their positions for
1^. In assuming the Archbishop's mitre they had been
emancipated from the authority of the sovereign herself.
'ihery had no court fevor to sacrifice — ^no places to lose.
Thenceforth their lives were to be dedieated to. Heaven
alone. As the heads of the Church, their allegiance was
dae to (jk>d — not to the Queen. His commands — ^not her
wfaims--^hey had solemnly sworn to obey.
- During great revolutions, whether in Ohurch or State,
the opposing parties imbibe a bitterness for each other,
which, however inconsistent it may be with their professions
9t» Ohnstians, is but natural to their feelings as men. Not
a halfa centtiry previous to the epoch in Englii^ history at
which we have amved, the mighty reformation of the reli-
gious opinions of the world had taken place. The separa-
tion of the Reformers from the Catholic Church had been so
recent, such startling changes had been effected, that the
deadliest animosity still raiikled in the hearts of both.
They not only experienced the hostility incident to such oc-
casions, but it became an object of the highest importance
to Ihe infallibility of each one, to prove the outrages against
Gtod an4 man of the other^ And if we implicitly believe

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•
the differeDi partisans, bath Oat^oiies and heretics were a»
certamly deserving of the gallows as they were declared to
be of hell-fire. Every article of faith had been disoosaed-^
the propriety of every ceremony disputed. Questions of
temporal authority and State rights, were so industriously
mixed up in these spiritual wranglings, that each side
learned to consider it as sacred a duty to hate the <»ther, aa
to go to church. It was no isolated doctrine tiiat was to
be argued — no single alteration of forms that was demanded.
The entire religious structure was to be overthrown, and a
new fftbrio buih up.

But, unfortunately for the fame of the ghostly advkmrs
of Elizabeth, Protestant dissenters shared the aversion th^
had so fearfully manifested towards the Oatholics. Puritans
and Catholics, bitterly as they were opposed to each other
in religion and politics, suffered in common. Witheut a tSSt-
gle tie of sympathy — ^farther removed from each other tiutin
either was from their mutual enemy — ^they were yet imlted
in being martyrs to the same insane malevolence. So latge
a proportion of the ministers, officiating in the BstabUshad
Ohurch at the beginning of Elisabeth's reign, being in &vor
of the dissenting doetrines, their opinions should have oonir
manded more consideration than tiiey received. Sinapla,
even to austerity, in their notions of religion, they could not
silentiy endure those ceremonies of the Establish0d Ohureh
whidi had be«i borrowed from tiie splendid superstitions of
ftome. The tippet and the surplice, the sign of the ^eaa,
and the crucifix, were to them the shameful badges of alle-
giance to the Pope. They contended that these idtes, trsins-
ferred from the old church to the new, were calculated to
keep alive in the minds of the people the recollection of the
captivating religion they had abandoned. With them tbese
ceremonies were matters of conscience; their presence
violated the sacred tenets of their faith. The QufBn being

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Iftt too i^rewd in judgment to regard them otherwiae than i»
mere forms, wholly unimportant in the great sdieme of sal-
yation, worldly considerations shonld have restrained her
firom the attempt to force them on her dissenting sabjectSy
when they so sincerely believed their primitive form of wor-
ship to be outraged by sndi idle exhibitions. The jealous
eare with which she guarded her prerogative, caused thiil
most grievous error of her life. It was not that she deemed
the surplice and the sign of the cross essential to the pari-
ty of her faith, that she insisted on their adoption ] it was be-
cause she considered the discontented murmurs of the
I^ssenters disrespectful to herseli By the laws of the land
she was the '^supreme head of the church," and she was un-
willing to abate her authority even in trifles.

No one can pretend that the laws which created the
High Ohurch of England did not confer upon the Queen
the ri^t to govern her own spiritual servants in her own
way. And when the ministers of the Presbyterian persua-
sion broke into open rebellion against her authority, by re-
fusing to sign the Thirty-nine Articles, I think the Arch-
bishop did but consult the interests of his Ohurch, when he
ejected them from their livings. But, after havii^ deprived
them of all temporal advantages, it seems to me it would
have been the part alike of the Christian and the statesman,
to have left them in the seeret enjoyment of their humble
won&ip, without plunging into those wild excesses of perse-
cution, which, commencing in 1567 with the dispersion of
tiic conventiele in Plummer's Hall and the arrest of its
principal members, resulted in a revolution, fotal to Eng-
land, as to her Church.

The fact tibat the Independents, in their wild fimaticism,
having manifested, even at that early period, as ferocious an
animosity to the Queen and her government as to hw
ohnroh, mi|^t jutify the eoactmtnt of those kw% exec«tiiig

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tikeir ringleaders, and compelling thousands of the sect to
fly the kingdom. Bat the Puritan ministers, not originallj
denying the lawfdlness of the High Church government, and
only demimding certain r^orms in her discipline, might
have been easily reconciled by the abolition of the obnox-
ious ceremonies, — ^by restraining the plurality of benefices,
and correcting certain other abuses, that had already crept
into the Church. 'Tis true, that as early as 1570, Thomas
Oartwright had promulgated the doctrine tliat all cliurch
goyemment was unlawful, except that taught by the Apos-
tles, which was the Presbyterian ; yet a few timely conces-
sions from the Queen would have prevented its after agita-
tion by the five famous commoners, and its final triumph, in
the downfall of the hierarchy, and the establishment of
Presbyterian Synods, by Cromwell and his military com-
panions.

The Queen and her Archbishops, blinded by the vindic-
tive violence of their bigotry, were not satisfied with dismiss-
ing the dissenting ministers from their benefices, — with
venting liieir fury on private conventicles, and forcing all
persons over sixteen years of age to attend some church of
the Established order, on pain of banishment ; they were
not contented with subjecting the hated Puritans to the in-
quisitoriid oath ex officio, which violated that cherished
maxim of common law, that no one could be compelled to
<nriminate himself; but the Archbishop directed all pastors,
not only to encourage, but positively to enjoin sports and
pastimes on the Sabbath. This was a blow aimed directly
at the^ Puritans. The Judaical strictness with which they
kept holy this seventh day, — the severity with which they
regarded the frivolities of the gay and thfe young, were the
distinguishing features of their worship. Grave in their
deportment, stem in all that regarded their religion, these
hardy Diss^aters could but ill brook this last insuk to the

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peculiar tenets of their faith. They were not prone to
anger, but in sullen silence they brooded over their injuries,
till the demon of resistance was aroused among them, which
only slept when* theii* king was beheaded, and the constitu-
tion overtlirown.

The only apology that even their eulogists attempt to
offer for the short-sighted policy — to give it no harsher
name— of the Queen's primates, is, that the safety of the
Established Church depended on the total destruction of
every denomination of Dissenters. Surely, worldly wisdom,
unaided by the feelings of the Christian, should have taught
these imperious advisers of* the Queen in religions affairs,
that the obstinacy of bold and sincere men was not to be
quelled by punishment ; that the intrepidity with which the
leaders suffered, did but teach their followers their duty to
God and their religion. Persecution has never failed to
make proselytes, and, after the forty years of uninterrupted
molestation, during the reign of Elizabeth, the number of
the Dissenters had greatly increased, their popularity had
become more deeply rooted, and their enmity to the estab-
lished order more irreconcilable.

The first James was a willing, but not a daring tyrant.
Had his courage been commensurate with his cruelty, the
long and systematic persecutions of every denomination of
Dissenters, under Elizabeth, would have appeared mild,
compared with those under him. But the Puritans, having
grown too strong to be zealously assailed by so timid a des-
pot as James, enjoyed, during his whole reign, a respite
fr<Hn the active malevolence of his predecessor. The Cath-
olics, too weak to be dangerous, became the especial objects
of his malignity. Upon them he vented all the virulence of
a disposition, which only wanted courage to render it truly
dangerous. ' In persecuting Papists, he indulged in the lux-

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ury of being ornel, withont any un<som£ortaUe ten of re*
sistanoe or retaliation.

The austere piety of James's nnfortonate son and suo-
cesser, exerted an immediate and powerful infinenee upon
the character of the church. Charles's sullen resokition in-
spired his Primates with the requisite boldness to indulge
their natural propensities for intolerance. The TindioiiTe
spirit of other days was kindled into a blaze, and Puxitans
and Catholics became once more fellow-sufferers. It was
during the zealous revival of persecution, that the Estab-
lished Church so startlingly manifested the fdine fondness
for toying with the victims of its tortures. Had it be«i
simply fear or hatred of the growing sects of Protestant
Dissenters which urged them to such extreme severities, the
safest and most complete gratification of both feelings
would have been effectually to get rid of them. But per-
mission to leave the kingdom was refused to Lord Say,
Hamden, Cromwell, and their followers, by Archbishop^s ad-
vice to the king. Though the hatred of these so-oalled
^' bold bad men " would have been gratified, and all fear of
their machinations removed by their self-inflicted banish-
ment to the wild shores of New England ; yet the Church
would have lost half of its sweetest ooeiq>ation, by allowing
ihem to escape her. She would have henceforth been oom-
pelled to confine her gentle attentions to the Catholies, who
presented much too narrow a field for the g^ns of Land
and his associates. And of course the king, who regarded
the delight his church derived from the lingering torments
of her victims as an innocent relaxation after her more
serious duties were over, was inuch too pious to cnroomsoribe
her pleasures, by permitting one half of his best subjects
to escape to America.

The Puritans, surrounded, and pressed upon, without hope
' of escape, took redress into their own hands, and taught the

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BitabHiAiid (%iir(^, wken too late, te dread the power they
had trampled ij^pon. But the poor Catholics, always unfor-
tfinate, eontintted to endure the bitterness of public persecu-
tion, in addition to all those domestic sufferings, which the
ttBSttOcessful party in a civil war must always submit to.
Adhering to Charles throughout his disastrous campaigns,
tiieir very virtue, in loyally defending the constitution
aguast the encnroaehments of Parliament, became to them a
new souroeof evil Yet where we the eulogists of their
devotion ; what applause has ever been awarded them for
thmr heroic atand in favor of the constitution of England ?
But we need not search far to find those who will tell us
that the Primates of England, at this epoch, were the prop-
e»st and most godly of men. They, beyond doubt, contin-
ued the formal routine of their duties, complaoently pocket^
ing. the immense revenues arising from their sees, and
flaying a lengthy grace before every meal. But the strict
per&rmanee of these ghostly duties is not all that England
has to be grateful for. They reduced the Catholic popula<
^on to. the lowest depths of misery. They pursued the
Protestant Piasenters with every species of atrocity... In
their holy zed, they brought sorrow and ruin to one half
the hearths of Great Britain, and finally plunged the nation
into the Uoody horrors of a civil war. Yet whilst perform-
ing these eminent services to the state they never omitted
Htkm weekly duty of praying to Heaven that it might please
God." to keep all nations in unity ^ peace and concord^

All persecuUon of dissenting Protestants ceased, of
eourse, with the commencement of the civil war, and was
nevtf afterwards extensively revived. But the favor with
which Charles II., on his restoration, regarded the unlucky
Catholics, was sufficiently evident to make them the special
objects of the suspicion and hatred of the public, without be-
ing strong enougk to protect them from the consequences. In
13

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9M

the opinion of the nniliitude tbere wm no erime too heinoos
for them to be guilty of, there was no evidence too trivial to
eonyict them. They were ev^i aeeased and believed goiltj
of the great fire of London, as the early Christians had been'
aocosed of the conflagration of Rome. Plots, nmrders, and
conspiracies, were arrayed with fearful rapidity against
them. Kye-houQes and meal-tubs were alleged to be the ex-
traordinaiy scenes of their plottings. The larade of public
informer was th«i first known in England, and in fidady
swearing the destruction of the innocent Catholics, suck
wretches as Oates and Bedloe became the petted favorites
of the English public.

For rather more than a century the interdicted P»»
pists had known little else than a series of peraeouticii,
c<mfiscation, test-oaths and public executions. The privacy
of their homes had constantly been invaded by spies ; and
fear and suspicion had broken up the* little circles of social
enjoyments. Their brief public ea,reer8 had been run in
rebellions and civil war. Public tranquillity and domestie
quiet had been equally d^aiied to them. For a century more
tl^ey continued the doomed objects of an implacable intoler*
ance, when at the end of the reign of George II. religious
commotions ceased. Jaopbitism was only known in name,
and the Catholics at last found peace in practical toleratiixiL

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CHAPTEE XL

FfiSSENT STATE OF THE ESTAEIISHED GHUKCH OF ENGLAND.

r[E present Ohureh of England does no discredit to its
origin and past career. It is what might have been ex-
pected from the violence with which it was established, and
the persecution with which it was sustained. It is a bloated,
onfidghtly mass of formalities, hypocrisy, bigotry and self-
ishness, without a single charitable impulse, or pious( aspi-
xatioB. It is a magnificent establishment, abounding in
wealth and woddliness, oppression to the poor, and of no
great spiritual service to the rich, which is maintained by
government, and patronized by the aristocracy, as the conven-
ient means of disposing of spendthrift ^* younger sons," and
accommodating aspiring parvenues, who have money to ex-
chai^ for position. Ministers are universally regarded as
g&Uiemen in England, and people of obscure birth or igno-
ble occupations may acquire easy access to gentility by pur-
chasing a place in iiie church.

That the Church of England numbers among its mem-
bers many sincere and devout Christians I pretend not to
deny, but I do assert that the system which has been adopted
for its regulation precludes the possibility of its ministers
being actuated by those exalted feelings which should always
animate the teachers of God's holy word. The fact of all
the church livings being regarded as property, must continue
to provide ministers of the gospel only acquainted with the

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forms of religion : haying no piety but their prayer-books,
no morals but their black ooats. According to the English
notions of the duties of clergymen, they may be the proper-
est and most exemplary men. They all wear white cravats,
hate beggars, and collect their tithes with the most com-
mendable regularity. They are united in their resistance
to every attempt at reform, and are untiring in their exer-
tions to render inviolable the anti<]uated abuses of the
churoh ; they manifest their zeal by persecuting Catholics and
cordially hating dissenters of every denomination; they
toadyize their patrons with the most Christian meekness, and
display their regard for the honor of " the cloth," by begging
or buying favor sufficient to unite in their own persons as
many profitable livings as possible. Being conscious that a
minister, like every other man in England, is respectable m
proportion to his income, they diow their zeal for the dignity
of the church by violating its most sacred laws against
Simony, in order to become rich by becoming pluralista.
The Christian piety of these holy men, who exhibit their
zeal by persecuting Catholics, and reviling dissenters, whilst
they themselves indulge in the worst species of worldliness,
calls to mind the delicate conscience of the corpulent founder
of their church, who was too God-serving a man to commii
adultery, but could piously cut off the head of an innocent
wife in order to make way for a lust of more recent origin.
I am not so visionary as to entertain a hope of renderiAg
them immaculate, but I would have them Christians in ac-
tion as in name. I am too thoroughly acquainted with the
intense selfishness of an Englishman's nature to suppose that
his duties to Heaven could induce him to sacrifice the ad-
vantages of worldly position, or that a feeling of piety eould
produce even momentary forgetfulness of the fascinations
of " belly-cheer," but I would have these appointed preachers
of the gospel approach, in distant imitation at lea«t, the

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self-sacrificing devotion of the Apostles, who went forth
without scrip and without jshoes to preach Christianity to the
world. Their hearts and soulsare absorbed in calculations of
tithes, and struggles for richer livings, but they consider
themselves acquitted of all they owe to Grod by the observ-
ance of a, few empty forms. The specious hypocrites care-
fully envelop themselves in surplices, but. manifest their
worldliness by hankering after fat livings, instead of doing
good works, as Achilles betrayed his sex, when disguised
among the daughters of Lycomedes, by his preference for
arms to jewels.

These heartless worldlings VLte not only guilty of the
deepest injustice to the members of the Established Church
in monopolizing the benefices, by paying obsequious court
to their owners, to the exclusion of abler and more pious
teachers whom the people might select, but they insult their
helplessness by pocketing their money without pretending to
observe those duties they are so well paid to perform. If
they were contented with receiving an enormouj9 salary for
mechanically drawling through the morning and evening
prayers, and indolently reading once a week a stupid ser-
mon of fifteen minutes' length, without being animated by a
single feeling that should influence a preacher, the injustice
would be less glaring. If they were simply avaricious, the
wrong would be less outrageous ; but they are energetically
grasping. To become gay non-residents, and rich pluralists,
they contemptuously discard even the semblance of those
duties, which honor if not religion should demand from them
for their flocks. The following startling abuses in the
Church of England were exposed by returns recently made
to Parliament.

Number of benefices . 10,987

JEteaident incumbents ...... 6,699

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Non-retident inoambenti 9flH

VftOBnetes Bnd reoeftt institatioiui . . . . 199

. SeqTie«tpatioii» . ' 87

Koreturna ^^^

" The number of curates serving benefices on Trbich tiie
incumbents are nonresidents is 2,711. The number of cu-
rates assistant to resident incumbents is 2,082. total number
of curates 4,743." Here it is seen that a third of ^e en-
tire number of clergymen of the Established Church ao not
even reside in the parishes, over which they prof(M& to jMre-
side, but leave the labor of their duties to starving curates,
^2,521 of whom receive less than £100 a year. By deduct-
ing the number of curates employed in the benefices of non-
resident incumbents, from the number of the non>re8iAents
themselves, it will be found that in more than a thousand
benefices no religious service is performed, although ^ir
respective pastors are regularly pocketing their share of the
$50,000,000, annually expended for the support of the Church
of England. The monstrous fraud and injustice of sueh a
system are too glaring to require comment. The &ct8
themselves are their most eloquent condemnation.

The nobility have no many extravagant younger soos,
and dissipated poor relational to establish in life, who would
degrade their families by engaging in any active pureait ;
there are so many of the young gentry, too proud to work,
and yet not rich enough to be idle, for whoiai some kay,
honorable occupation must be provided, that the army, ihe
navy, the public offices, and the colonies are insufficient
to accommodate them all. The church, with its monstrous
mass of impiety and injustice, must be retained, Uke the
East India Board, as a more extended means of accommo-
dation for the youthful droiies, whom the aristocracy have
thrown for support upon the hands of the people. But besides
the assistance extended to the aristocracy, the government

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it8^ derives great pover ssd pro|lt from ite patronage
afforded by the cburek Aod when ve remember that it is
composed of EngUshmea, it would be madness to snppose
tbat tbey would sacrifice such advantages to any conscien-
tious scniples. It is true tbat tbose who purchase, or ao-
eept the livings, are influenced bj worldly rather tiian re*
ligious coi^iderations ; it is certain that the opportunity to
enjoy an easy, indolent sort of existence, rather than a pious
wish to dedicate their lives to Heaven, induces them to enter
the church. But what is it to the government, though the
religious instruction of the nation be intrusted to the world-
liest of the Worldly ? What is it to them that the ministers,
whose example is to influence, and piety direct their fiocks,
must perjure themselves by solemnly swearing when they
are ordained, that they are moved to take orders by the
Holy Ghost ? What matters it though the vilest hypocrites
occupy the holiest places, if their ends are accomplished, and
their aristocracy sustained? The prayers are generally
read by somebody, and the responses attended to. Gould
more be expected from an established church 7 What must
we think of the policy c^ an enlightened government, which
could deliberately perpetrate such an outrage against the
religious feelings of its subjects ? What opinion must we
entertain of the piety of subjects, who could submit to it?
If there be a crime on earth, for which even governments
are amenable to Heaven, it is assembling on the hallowed
Sabbath these mocking hypocrites befbre the altar of God. If
there be sacrilege, which must sooner or later call down the
irrath of an off&nded God, it is prostituting the holy offices
of religion to the support of an order.

One of the most active causes of the success of the Ke-
formation in England was the desire in the nation at large, to
be freed from the domineering control and opfvessive incomes
of the priesthood. The great changee in the forms of rdigion

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W0re not so mudi the retralt of reasomng on theologieal sdb-
jeots, as a oonyictioB of the fraud and corruptien existing in
the Bomish Olrarch. The eovetoos and arrogant dispoi^i-
tions of the priests, and their vast temporal power, was what
most disgusted the people, and made them eager for any re-
Tolution which promised a Teform of those abases. But
what did they gaio by the change 7 It was but i simple al-
teration of names ; a mere transf^ of authority from the
Catholic prieerthood to ihe Beformed clergy. The sceptre of
the king was substituted for th^keys of St. Peter. The crown
usurped the place of the tiara. The patronage of the livings
belonging to the Pope fell to the share of Henry YIII ; those
benefices which had been claimed by the Abbots and PHors
were laransfenred to the Bishops, and those of the Catholic no-
bility to the greedy favorites of the fat king. An enormous
amount of money was appropriated to give grandeur and mag-
nificence to the new establishment. The value of church pro-
perty has been estimtited at the almost incredible sum of
<900;000,000. Bishops were lodged and supported like
princes, and ordinary pastors like nobles. Mr. Baring many
years ago stated in &e House of Commons, that the income
of the Bishop of London amounted to the astounding sum of
$500,000. Great pomp and ceremony were preserved in
order to render the services imposing in the eyes of the mid-
titude. No pains were spared to make tjie offices of the
Beformed church respectable among all classes, and the im-
mense expense incurred in their endowment caused them to
be eagerly sought for by the aristocracy. In this gorgeo^
worship, religion lacks nothing but its devotion, the creed is
only deficient in sincerity. It is maintained at an expense
equal to that of all the other Christian denominations in the
world. It is supposed that the support of the Church of
Ungland annually costs the government £9,459,565, whilst
all the Chriiti^ of the rest of the world pay to their n^nii-

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ters b^t £9,949,000. It seems, therefore, that the High
Ohoreh of Eogknd, with^ 6.500,000 bearers, requires for its
BMuntena&ce as great an expense as all the other forms of
Christianit J in the universe, with 203^728,000 hearers. It is
a fhTorite theme with High-ohurchmeu to deseant iq>oii the
splendid displays and absurd extravagance in the adminis-
tration of the CaHiolic church, but on examiimtion it will be
, found that the Keformed Church of England costs the peo-
ple 40 times as much to every million of hearers, as the ad-
ministration of Papacy in France, to the same number of
hearers. The monstrous excess in the pay of the English
clergy appears from comparing their incomes with those of
dignitaries of corresponding rank in other countrie& The
pay of a Bisfa(^ in France is $3,125, and that of a rector is
$250. In Bome the income of a Cardiual, next in dignity
to the Pope, $2,500 ; that of a rector of a parish % \ 50. But
in England many of the Bishops have been receiving oViw
i $100,000, whilst we have seen that the income of one
«Bi(»mted to half a million ; and there itf e rectories in that
country valued at $40,000 and $50,000. We very naturally
suppose that extraordinary devotion among the people, or
the vastly superior religious instruction affarded by tiieir pas-
torsy must demand this amazing preponda»nce in the pay of
ihe En^^uh cler^. But we have already seen that there
ave more than one thousand ben^oes, in wfaidi retigious
jKTvieea are utterly n^lected, and we cmi ^itiertain no very
high opinion of the pipus solicitude of the peojde, who sab-
jnit to the appMutmeni of their pastor by the owner of the
BiMKHT, with the same indifference they mi^ibe supposed to
feel about his selection of a horse i<x a fox-hunt.

I contend that this outrageoosly wasteful exto^vaganoe

in the church estabHdiment, is not simply an oppression to

an already overloaded people, but that it depriyes them of

iweytr r«li£^oiis teaching, \sy indwang ambiiiaas worldlings

IS*

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to sue for Ihe positions vhidi HeaTea iatended for the
pious and lowly. But we are informed that this enoimoiJB
outlay is essential to the dignity of the ohnroh. If the mm-
pie majesty of Christianity had been insufficient to impress
the hearts of men, it would have proved somewhat dil^lt
§or its humble founder, bom in a stable^ to establish Its ten^
ets. What wealth, what pomp, what magnifieeace, did the
apostles carry into strange landd to dazzle conyerts to the
new fiiith? The glare and glitter of show and paradie are
not more important now than they were then. The unaf-
fected devotion and active zeal of one devoutly pious pastor,
would command more real respect than the ostentatious
profusion of all the pluralists and non-residents in the king-
dom. It is the cause of the aristocracy, not that of Heaven,
which is promoted by this vast ex;penditure in support of
the fistablished Church. But the advocates of this riunovs
system pretend to deem parks, palaces, plate, and equipages
indispensable to the dignity of these magnific^it prelates,
whose divine Master made his entry into Jei^salem on the
colt of an ass. Mansions, villas, warrens, and manorial
rights Bxe thought necessary for their amusem^it, whilst
'' the Son of maa had not where to lay his head." Is it
i^range tiiat In giving to ^e biidiops the wealth uid pos^
tion, the govemm^t should also give them the worldlineSs
of nobles? In becomii^ rivals of ^e aristocracy in fortune,
is it not natural that they should become thenr xivak in ex-
travagance and disMpation ?

A bidhop, ^' being a man, must feel like one." When he
finds himself surrounded by every refined irajoyment that
luxury can invent or wealUi albrd, and feels compelled by
his position to vie in sumptuousness with the proudest of
the land, it is but natural that his thoughts should turn from
heaven to earth. When he feels that his money, not his
piety, gives him ooiisiderati<m amoi^ his fellom, he mmt he

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ncxre or leas than man^ if he does not soon learn to exult
more in Ms magnificenqe than his lowliness. When he dis-
coTers that profusion more than charity purchases the ap-
plause of men, when he feels conyinced that the grandeur of
a spiritual lord rather than the devotion of the preacher of
' the gospel commands their respect, it would be strange in-
deed if his heart did not sink from God to mammom World-
ly affluence soon bounds all his hopes. Fashionable pre-
eminence becomes his highest ambition, parade his chief
delight, such would be the result even if these holy meii
had been originally actuated by sincere feelings of piety.
Biemember the author of the proverb, that '* it is easier for a
camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich
man to enter the kipgdom of heaven." But I feel confident
of being able to prove, before the end of this chapter, that
the clergy enter the church as they would pursue any other
profession which promised success to an ambitious man.

These worthy bishops piously exhort their followers to
" take no heed of what ye shall eat, nor what ye shall drink,
nor for your bodies, what ye shall put on," whilst they load
their own sumptuous tables with every delicacy that the coun-
try can afford, stock their cellars with the rarest wines, and
array themselves in the costliest importations from France. In
their lazy dreams of sensual enjoyment, they *seem wholly
oblivious of the scriptural injunction to ^' take care that your
hearts be not charged with surfeiting and drunkenness, and
the cares of this life." But though they annually squander
millions of the people's money, in sustaining the '^ pride,
pomp, and circumstance " of their positions, yet I must con-
fess, strange as it may seem, that in obedience to the com-
mand ^^ distribute to the poor, and seek treasures in heaven,"
they still find the means generously to feed the hungry, with
religious tracts, and to relieve the wretched by praying for
them. Who can henceforward impugn the piety of a Bishop ?

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He should be named a fountain of oharity as of grace in
England. Who can now pretend that when the poor beg
for bread, he gives them a stone ? If a haggard victim of
disease appeals to his sympathies in behalf of a starving fa^^
ily at home, he unhesitatingly presents him a tract, ingen-
iously illustrating the beauties of faith, in the touching inci-
dent of Elijah and the poor widow, with the handful of meal,
and a little oil in the^ cruse. Should a helpless mother im-
plore his assistance to bury one child already dead, among
her others who are slowly dying of the typhus fever, he
piously assures her that she shall be remembered in his
prayers. The magnanimity of such self-sacrificing charity
will be better appreciated, when it is remembered that the
tracts are gratuitously furnished him by the religious so-
cieties, and that even decency demands that he should occa-
sionally pray for the health and prosperity of the kingdom.
The poor mother is probably included in this general prayer,'
if he does not entirely forget her application a half an hour
after she quitted his door. As an evidence that the cases in
which the charities of the bishops might relieve starvation
are not altogether imaginary, I give the following extract
from the London Observer, made during my visit to Eng-
land last summer.

Bbath from STASTATiON.-«~Laat night Mr. Brent held an inqiuit
upon Jonathan Nicholls^ aged 51. Deceased, whoae body was a mere
skeleton, had been formerly a schoolmaster, but was latterly so reduced
as to be compelled to earn his livelihood by writing window bills for
tradesmen, and with all his Industry sometimes only realized a few
pence a-week. l^e parish allowed a loaf a-week for the support <rf
himself and his wife, who is paralyzed. During the last twdre months
deceased was daily sinking from sheer starvation, but still buoyed up
with the hope of getting some property to which he was entitled. On
Monday morning his wife found him dead in bed at her side. The
following day he became entitled to £120 cash, and £60 a-year. Mr,
lAitheron, surgeon, deposed that death resulted from want and ^Ksease

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ai the Kn^ The foreman, ob belnlf of liie jnrj, ez]p«BBed Hieir hfOV*
vor and disgoat at the paroohial authpritiee limitmg the 8iai^>ort of de-
ceased and his paralyzed wife to a aolitaiy loaf of bread a-week, in-
stead of inquiring into their wants, and contributing a sufficient quan*
tity of food for their support The coroner summed up, and the jury
retm-ncd a rerdict in accordance with the medical evidence.

If & man in the positian that this oiie eridentiy had been,
eonld die so terrible a death, horn appalling must be the
oondition of the millions, bom in degradation, and reared in
%noranee.

I wicdi not to intimate that the mean priTations of ^e
aseetie constitute my ideas of Ohristiui humility. The ter-
rible lacerations, to which the solitary enthusiasts of early
times subjected their weak frames, are revolting alike to my
ideas of religion and humanity. I cannot belieye that cor-
poreal punishment prepares a man's soul for heaven, though
inflicted by his own lumds. We all know that so intimately
ttre man^s physical and intellectual natures interwoven, — so
nicely are they dependent on each other, that intense corpo-
real suffering will turn the firmest mind from undisturbed
thoughts ol heaven itself But leaving the excruciating
agonies endured by the mad devotees of the desert out of
the question — simple want will fill the most magnanimous
soul with its own selfish repinings. The cries of nature
must be heard. Comfort is not only the basis of all happi-
ness, but it is absolutely indispensable to any concentrated
action of the mind ; and so far from those numberless little
enjoyments which civilization has rendered ess^itial to com-
fort being inconsistent with the beautiful simplicity of the
faith taught by our Saviour, I think that a certain degree
of intellectual pleasure, and even elegant luxury, greatly in-
creases that contemplative fervor, which every minister
should bring to his profession. I cannot think that any
pastor could faithfully discharge his duties, lAo does not

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wjo J Bot onlj the JSttM Betesswies <tf life^ but nmij of ite
more refined indvlg^Mes. The mind rnusl borrow heaHIff
vigor from the body. But, surely, the clergy of England
exceed those rational pleasures, so necessary to social con-
tentment, when they surpass the richest citizens of the richest
country upon earth in luxurious splendor, and ' vie with
the ppoudest nobles in gorgeous diiq^y& The mind, even
of the most pious, when eonstantly dwelling on gilded trifles,
•nd eternally ocou]»ed with tiioughts of pomp, parade «nd
position, must sooner or later, in spite of itself, iiiriiHbe a
worldly pride and ostentation, little becoming the leaders
ei a great diureh. It seems to me that the Arohbiahop
should teach eyery member of the Established Church his
duty to his Maker, not only by his precepts, but his exxat-
pfet He should remember the advice of Jesus to the ricb
young man, to -giye all he had to the poor, and forsaking all
things to follow him. Notwithstanding their princely in-
comes, the Bishops, in becoming ambitious of riyall»g ihe
richest and most dissipated, in their Bacchanalian revels, de-
prive themselves of the means, even if th^ retained the in-
elinaiioB, to perform the charities which Uieir exalted rank
in the church and enormous wealth give the world a right
to expect from them.

I would httve a clergyman live and dress like a geuUe-
man, without committing any of the absurd excesses pe-
culiar to that caricature upon the species, known as a
^dandy. I would h&ve him indulge in all the innocent gayeties
of the social circle* I never could imderstand the gloomy
fanatifcism of those who would have religion banish every
thing like mir^ from the human heart, who would fain
make a smile a misdemeanor, and a laugh a crime. I could
never satisfactorily determine why a sorrowful expression
of count^ance should indicate a pious mind, or a ragged
coat be- oonsideved an evidence of a holy state of feeling.

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AsA those ,wbo woald make the Sabbath a day of mowidflg
inatead of rest and eheerfol relazatioD, it seems to me ha^e
straDgelj misconstrued the spirit of the Soriptores.

There is nothing morose about Christianitj. The heartjB
of those who profess it should be filled with rejoicing and
good will towards men. Thrice blessed k he whose soul is
gladdened by feelings of true religion ; for it ra, after all,
the only unalloyed pleasure enjoyed in this world. Success
brings satiety, excitement is followed by reaction, but the
happiness of sincere piety charms, when " pleasures cease to
please." It but beams the brighter in misfortune, and
will throw a halo of ineffable contentment around the sad"
dest souL Joy as naturally springs from religion, as his
matinal carol from the lark. At the birth of our Sayiour
they came into the world together, ^^ when the good tidings
of great joy" were announced to the shepherds in the wkckr
ing minstrelsy of rejoicing angels. The doleful looks and
dismal ^oans of the mistaken zealots, who delight, in pro-
fessing religion, to play the profound mummery of woe, have
always seemed to me as absurd as unnatural. "

. The twenty-four Bishops and two Archbishops of Eng-
land are a burden, as oppressive as unnecessary to the peo-
ple. How have they changed the simple form of worsh^>|
preadied by the followers of our Saviour 1 They have sub*
stituted ostentation for humility, worldliness for devotion.
They promise vile lucre, rather than heavenly glory, as a
reward to the fSalthful servants of the church. They have
made religion a burden, instead of a blessing, to the peo-
ple. What opinion must wo entertain of the usefulness of
a churdb, whose prine^>le is avarice, and whose practice is
tyranny 1 Selfishness, not charity, animates the bosoms of
the Bishops. They persist in defending the hoary abuses
of the church, for the worldly advantage of themselves and
their relations, though they fall with crushing weight oft the

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widow and tlie ofplum. They are the modern Seribes and
Pharisees, loving the high pUces at feasts and in the sjna-
gogne. The applause of men, rather than the silent appro-
bation of God, animates them to do good deeds. They de-
light to pray aloud, and to do their alms before men. Their
souls are absorbed in the accumulation of wealth, and their
minds busied in providing rich livings for their relattves
and friends. Their dioceses should be abolished, and their
mitres broken. They should be driven from tiie church, as
the money-changers and those who sold doves were expelled
from the Temple by our Saviour ; for they have filled the
house of God with the tumult of traffic^ imd made the sacred
<^ces of religion a trade.

What are the duties of the Bishops and Ardibii^ops,
that they should be so liberally pensioned from the pockets
of the people ? The Bishops do not preach. They never
see the clergymen over whom they are appointed oftener
than once in three years, when they make a hurried visit to
the principal towns of their dioceses. But, even if they ware
most inclined conscientiously to fulfil the duties of their
stations, they are compelled to be absent from ^eir dioceses
at least five months of every year, to occupy their seats
among the hereditary lawgivers of the land in the House of
Lords. They have no real authority to correct the abmes
of the parochial clergy. Indeed, they rather encourage, by
their own appointments, the fatal practice of non-residenoe
and pluralities, which last the canons of the church denounce
as "execrable before God." Should a Bishop Imng a de-
linquent minister before his court, and convict him, the min-
ister snaps his fingers at the decree, and claims his living as
his freehold — too often a purchased one. If an effort is
made to carry the sentence into effect, the guilty clergyman
appeals from court to court, till at last he casts the charges
on thft Bidiop^when they have been swelled to such an

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amcmBt, as ef^tnally to preTont the Bight Reyerend Oen-
tlemim's trying so expeiisive an experiment for the future.
The Archbishops are still more useless. ' They do not ap-
point the Bishops, nor can they remove them. They cannot
even call ^em together in convocation^ without the sove-
reign's concurrence. It is true that the Archbishop of Oan-
iSerbury is called upon to anoint the monarch, should a coro-
nation occur, and that he is expected to christen the royal
offiipring. But, surely, one coronation during his incum*
beney, and a christ^ng every year, which sometimes hap-
pens, ought scarcely to entire his Ghraoe of Oanterbury to
the luxury of Lambeth Palace, and an income of $75,000
a year. But the performance of religious duties seems to
be as little looked for, as piety in the twenty-six spiritual
Lords of Great Britain. Pelf and power engross all their
solicitude. They count their enormous revenues, dispense
rich livings a^d fat sinecures to their relations and depend-
ants, — silently vote, in their places in Parliament, for every
oppresnve measure proposed by the existing government,
and their duty is done.

To illustrate the tender consideration of the Bishops for
the members of their own families, in generously bestowing
M them rich livings and sinecures, in defiance of the strin-
gent laws of the Church against non-residents and plural-
ists, I beg to call the attention of my readers to the case of
the Bight Bev. Mr. Sparke, Bishop of Ely. By a series of
forced resignations and translations, it was finally arranged
so that ^ the Bev. J. Henry Sparke held at the same time
the living of Leverington, the sinecure rectory of Little-
burg, the living of Bexwell, and a prebendal stall in the
Cathedral of Ely : he was, besides, steward of all his father's
manorial courts, and Chancellor of the diocese. The esti-
mated annual value of the whole,. $22,500."

'^ The Bev. Henry Fardell, the Bishop's son-in4aw, held

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800 ■wousg

tiM ImBg of Water beftoh, the yiearage ci WisVe<A, and a
prebendal stall in Ely Cathedral The estimated aimoal
Talae of his preferments $18^00.''

"■ The Rey. Edward Sparke held the consolidated liyings
of St. May and St Nicholas, Feltwell, the yicuage of Ltt-
tieport and a prebendal stall in Ely ; he was Begister of ike
dioeese and Examining Chaplain to his father. The esti-
mated annual yalue of his appcnntments not less than

^ The Bishop's see of Ely uid dependenoies — $188,710.
Total income of the Sparke family— $199,710."

Quite a comfortable little family airangement. We
shall give Prettyman, Bishop of Winchester, as another in-
stance of this charming system. It could nei^er be objeeted
to him, as will be seen from the following list, that his
ehildren were left destitute in the world.

"G. T. Pretttman;

Chancellor and Canon Beeidentiary of Lincoln ;
.Prebendary of Winchester;
Bector of St Giles, Chalfont;
Bector of Wheat-Hampstead ;
Bector of Harpendon.''

"BicHARD Prettyman;

Precentor and Canon Besidentiary of Lincoln ;
Bector of Middleton, Stoney ;
BectcH' of Walgraye ;
Vicar of Hannington ;
Sector of Wroughton."

**JoHN Prettyman;
Prebendary of Lincoln ;
Bector of Sherrington ;
Bector of Winwick.''

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PBXBENt BTATB OV THK B69ABIJBHBD CHURCH. SO)

Tke proldse liberality ^f these Bermi^nd preUties will
be properiy appreciated, when it is remembered at what
sacrifices it was indulged. The oaths that were violated,
and the pangs of conscience that were braved, in order to
make these hopeful young sons rich, should render the con-
duet of their pious fathers doubly praiseworthy. It is a man's
fffst duty to provide for his family. The Bishop's " charity
has improved on the proverb, and ended where it began,"
I give these two instances of a practice, universal among
ate Bi^ops, of concentrating in the persons of their imme* '
diate relations the most valuable livings in the chureh.
How lenient ought we to be to the peccadilloes of the sub-
ordinate clergy of a church, whose heads so unhesitatingly
vitiate its most solemn edicts against non-rendence and
pluralities.

The inequality in the value of the sees is another fruitM
source of abuses in the church. It is an ingenious contriv-
ance of the government to support that huge fabric of corrup-
tion.' Though certain of finding these churchmen the most
active enemies to reform, as they have ever been the ablest
supporters of oppression, bigotry and persecution, yet un-
willing to confide wholly in the power of depraved disposi-
tions, the government has united the interest of the Bish-
ops to their natural proneness to evil, and holds out the pro-
motion to the wealthier sees, as an enticing reward for their
treachery to the people, and apostacy to Grod. A Bishc^
never feels fixed till he has obtained one of the richer prizes
of Canterbury, Winchester, London or 'Ely. The exciting
hopes and fears, the eternal intrigues and worldly coali-
tions, which must be resorted to in order to run the scale of
church preferments, are but little in accordance with the
quiet devotion and humility of a devout Christian. The
power which the government possesses of translating Bish-
ops from one see to another, makes them the most servile of

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M8 MHOUstf nun.

legidatonL Thnr anxiety to eartj court favor, snffieieiit to
promote their ambitioas yiews, unfits them far their eeonlar
duties. They and their clergy have always been hostile to
the rights of the people ; they have always been opposed to
progress and reform ] and have ever been the aealous si:^
porters of every tyrannical measnre, proposed by the govern-
ment From the year 1778, when the first tardy step was
taken towards the amelioration of English Catholics, to the
final passage of the Catholic Relief Bill in 1829, the oppo-
sition of the Spiritual Lords was united, and unwavering.
From those earliest bills, introduced by Edmund Burke and
supported by Mr. Fox, for repealing particular statutes,
which chiefly prevented the English Kcnnan Catholics from
safely and quietly enjoying their landed property ; and those
otiier bills advocated by Mr. Pitt,»in which the free exercise
of their religion was, to a considerable extent, secured to
them, and several penalties and disabilities, under which
they had labored, were removed | through all the efforts of
Mr. Orattan to obtain for them their elective franchise, and
their right to hold seats in Parliament, to the final passage
of the Reform Bill, 10th April, 1829, the Bishops were dis-
tinguished by the bitterest hostility. A law which increases
the social or religious freedom of the people, is as certain to
be opposed by the Bishops, as one which confers new rights
and greater power on the aristocracy is sure to be supported
by them. Their position enables them to do much evil,
though their undisguised worldliness deprives them of the
power of doing much good in the community. The advan*
tages of wealth and education, which they enjoy, secure for
them a dangerous influence in a country where gold is so
much worshipped, and education so little known as in Eng-
land. Their superior intelligence enables the clergy to re-
oonoile the people to tiie most ruinous measures of oppres-
sioB, though their evident want of piety.makes their religious

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FB2SSKT STATS OV THB SSTABUSHSD CHUBCH. 909

histrtiction foil on xmheeding ears. They are the serrants
of the aristocraej, and the representatives of the worldli-
ness, and can therefore have but few feelings in common
with the people and devotion. Instead of the most affee^
tionate confidence between the pastor and his floek, there al-
ways exists an ill-concealed distrust of each other. There
can be no sympathy between them, and theref<M*e no oonfi*
denee^

When a Bishop's mind is absorbed by &e assiduous at-
tentions and servile compliaiK$e, with idiich he must punroe
some noble patron, who is to recommend him to ikte notioe
of government but few of his thonghts-can be reserved for
heaven. No man can serve two masters. And when it is
remembered with what tenacious fondness the Bishops
cling to the emoluments of their offices ; when it is remembered
with what reluctance they have given even the vaguest in-
formation as to the profits of their sees ; when we call to
mind the frauds in which they have been detected by the
eommissioners appointed to ascertain the amount of their
incomes, it will not be difficult to determine whether €k>d
or mammon reigns in their bosoms. The course of the Bish-
ops was as mudi opposed to the conduct <^ men of honor as
of Christians. Their practices were as dishonest as unholy. '
In the year 1830, the Archbishop of Canterbury's inoome
* was stated by his advocate, Dr. Lushington, to be $160,000.
The very next year the return made to the commissioners
was, gross $1 10,000, net $95,910, and on the ground of pro-
speotive diminution, it was written down $85,000. Tet
during the seven years ending 1843, the Archbishop received,
with the knowledge of the commissioners, an average in-
come of $105,000. Such a proceeding on the part of an
ordinary individual would have insured his transportation
to Botany Bay, but in an Archbishop it passed over without
punishment, and almost mtkout eomraeni But Hkis fr»ud,

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81P jurauflH ImieL

Bti^^endonfl as it seemi, is far surpassed in enormity 1>y that
practised by the Bishop of London, In 1831 the Bishop's
inoome was given at $69,645. Between that year and 1843
a small city of elegant mansions arose on the Bi^p^s Pad-
dington estate, calculated to produce in rents to the future
Bishops of London $500,000 per annum. During this pe-
riod this prelate had granted about two thousand leases,
and yet his Lordship^s income was given in by himself, in the
year 1843, at $62,000, which was $7,645 less than it was in
1831, before a stone of the new houses on the property had
been laid. Surely a surplice does cover a multitude of sins.
A Bishop is evidently a privileged personage in England.
^ Such are the e£feots of a State-Church on those, who, be-
fore they suffered the moral paralysis of ordination and eon-
sewation, were probably men of average virtue and honor."

The Bishops, instead of being distinguished by that zeal-
ous independence of spirit which characterised the conduct
of John Knoz, even in the presence of his sovereign, and
which should animate every Christian endued with a proper
sense of his duty, are always found the fawning flatterers
of power. " Sufferance is the badge of all their tribe."
But these asking sycophants certainly receive their re-
• wards in this world, and may possibly get their deserts in
the next. They seem to be well aware that merit is rarely
considered in the distribution of church preferments, and
therefore pay their court to nobles with votes and influ-
ence to give the government, who are to advance thmr
spiritual interests. From the following list it will be se^i
how successfully they have exerted their genius for servility.
'- Lowliness is young ambition's ladder.'' How many men,
from the humble pedagogues to youthful peers, have climbed
into being their mitred equals, in the House of Lords. At
the same period we find

ToMLiNE, Bish<9 of Winchester, kitor to Pitt.

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PBEBSNT STATE 07 TBM mtSABUBBXD CHUBOH. 811

Bkthel, Bishop of Gioncesier, tator to the Duke of
Northumberland.

Blooufield, Bishop of Qhester, married into the Har-
vey family.

Sharps, Bishop of Ely, tutor to the Duke of Butland

Pelhau, Bishop of Lincoln, brother to tibe Barl of Ghi*
Chester.

HtJNTiHrGDON, Bishop of Hereford, tutor to Lord Sid-
mouth.

HowLET, Bishop of London, tutor to the Prince of
Orange.

Law, Bishop <^ Bath and Wells, brother to Lord Ellen-

To these may be added a list of holy gentlemen who
owed their advancement wholly to family interest.

Geey, Bishop of Hereford, brother of Lcwrd Grey.

PoTNTON^ Bishop of Berry, bro^ier4n4aw of Lord Grey.

Btder, Bishop of Lichfield, brother of Lord Harroby.

Bagot, Bishop of Oxford, brother of Lord Bagot

Yernon, Archbishop of York, brother of the. late Lord
Vernon.

If the trouble should be taken to examine any other
period of church history, the same senseless favoritism or
unscrupulous family pride will be found to have caused the
advancement of most of the higher ecclesiastics of the land.

It is true that the former unlimited and ezorbitant in-
comes of the Bishops have been restrained by Parliament-
witiuB established limits ; Canterbaxy and the larger sees
bdiig fixed at the moderate sum of $75/)00. But when
such tameless abuses have been exppsed and are daily being
brought to light, what assurance can the government give the
people that the same disreputable practices do not exist in
all the sees ? Bead the following extract from the London
^ Daily News, siade daring my visit to England :

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•IS BirOUBH RXMS.

from a parliameoUry paper usaed since the diaBolution, that in the eixr
teen yean daring which the Right Ber. Dr. Maltby has been Bishop
of Durham, the net receipts of his episcopfJ reyenaes have been £342,
148, and that^ during this period, he has paid to the Eodesiastical Gom-
mMBioners the som oi £180,127. Dedacting, then, the payment from
reeeipti^ the Bishop ha^ it is dear, enjoyed an episoopal inoome of up-
wards of £10,000 a-year since the year 183ft. But in another parliar
mentary paper, issued in 1861, may be found the opinion of the law
officers of the crown given in 1886 — ^the present Chief Justice of Eng-
land haying been one of them — ^that "the distinct object of the legis-
Utture appears to us to have been, that the sum payable by the Bishop
of Durham should be fixed in the first instance at an amount calculat-
ed in the judgment of the Commissioners to leave him a net reveime of
£8|000, and that this income should remain fixed during his incumben-
cy." Now, this interpretation of the act has neyer been impeached or
doubted by Dr. Maltby. It foUowfl^ therefore, that that right reverend
prelate has^ in the last sixteen years, received fr^m the see of Durham
at least £32^000 mcfn than it was ** the distinct ol]ject of the legkdature "
he should reoeive. From the same paper, it appears^ that in the first
fifteen years' Incumbency of the see of Salisbury by Dr. Denison, he
has received the net sum of £93,954^ or about £6,263 a year. Now, in
the Blue Book iasued last year, may ako be found an opinion given by
the present Chief Justice Campbell, Lord Justice Lord Cranworth, and
the Judge of Hie Court of Arches^ in which it is stated that, fr^m tiie
plain intent of the legislature^ it was competent to the Eodesiastieal
Commissioners " to charge the Bishop of Salisbury with a oontribntioiv if
it appears that the annual revenue of that see exceeds £6000." In 1837»
alter this opinion was g^ven. Dr. Denison was skilful enough to induoe
the Commissioners to come to the opinion that the average income of
the see of SaKsbuiy did not exceed £6,600 ; and therefore the Commis-
•umers did "not think it right to recommend any diminution of it; "
whereupon this fortunate prelate "expressed his sense of the Commis-
sionerB* attention," and from that day down to the beginning of 186^
has not paid one penny by way of contribution. As, however, in the
opinion of the three great and eminent lawyers and judges we have
■mentibned, his income during those fifteen years ought only to have
been £6,000— equal in the aggregate to £60,000— it follows that the
excess received by Dr. Denison beyond that handsome amount hai^
monlly and arithmetieally, been overpaid him. Now his aetnal i«-

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FBXSBirr STAIC OV TBX SBTABUQSHXD CHURCH. 813

eeipts faaye been £98,9S0, wbeKas ^ej' ovglit onlf to haye been £60^
000. Clearlj, tJiei), on erery prineiple that ought to regulate a Ohria-
tian, Dr. BeniBon now stands indebted to4lie Ecclesiastical Commission-
ers ♦f England and Wales in the sum of £3S,969, — ^without charging
him any interest for the time he has had that amount in his safe keep-
ing. Proceeding from Salisbury to "Worcester, we find that Dr. Pepyi
has been Bishop thereof for nearly 12 years. In the first ten of those
yean» his net receipts reachad £79,418 ; and of them he paid oyer to
the Eocl49fflastical GmnnUBsion £28,448 ; leaying him £5S,975 for him-
seli But as the amount of income contemplated by the Act, for the
See of Worcester, was only £6,000, or £60,000 in ten years ; Dr. Pepys
haS) it is dear, reoelyed £6,9*76 more than the le^slature intended. His
duty, under such careumstanoes, is plain and clear ; he ought to make
reetftaiaon of that balance to tiie Eodenastieai GomnassioB. And we
mtke this saggestion, and request that Dr. Maltby should refund the
£32»000» Dr. Denison the £83,969, and Dr. Pepys the £6,9^6, which
they haye receiyed aboye their fixed income.

Mueh relief was to haye been afforded tlie people by ike
act of parliament) fixing the incomes of the Bishops. In-
deed a great hubbub about the reformation of the abuses of
Ohurch and State is a periodical occurrence in England.
Meetings are held, addresess are made, petitions drawn up,
and reform t reform i echoes through the country. Parliament
opem irith a set speech by some patriotic member, who in
touching strains lays the subject before ^Hhe House.''
Besolutions are passed, commissioners are appointed, reports
made, and a bill passed, which is altogether to abolisb the
doomed nuisance. The expectations of the people are natu-
rally hi^, their rejoicings exulting. The Relief Bill |«om-
ises every thing ; it accomplishes notibing. One-half of the
amount, receiyed under the new law by the commissioners,
has been generously appropriated to the palaces and estates
of the Bishops. The other half is consumed in the repairs of
eathedrals and parsonages, and in the salaries of the eom-
misskmers themselves, and their swarm of sateliitee, with-
<Mit whom it woald be impossible far anyeommission to
14

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814

0ziflt in BoglftBd. How modi beit«r w<mld it kaTe been
when it web determined not to lessen the burdens of the
people, to have appropriated the accamnlated fond for
the increase of the livings of the poor clergy, instead 'of
squandering it on the Bishops, who not only receive enor-
moos inoomes, and have palaces furnished for their convene
ienee, bnt they mnst have vast sums for beautifying these
palaces, in which they live rent*free. In the eight diooeses
given in the list below, which have profited by the commiei-
sioners' fund there were 502 benefices worth less than $500
a year, and 85 under $250, whilst many of the Bishops are
in the annual receipt of $75,000, with their magnifioent
palaces, and estates in addition, and there are some reotora
whose livings bring them, $40,000 and $50,000 per annum.
These Bishops are as fatal to the church, ad ruinous to the
people. They are like the mistletoe, which saps and destroys
the tree it seems to ad(Mm.

In 1847 the commissioners had received $1,755,000, of
which $715,000 were lavished on the palaces and estates of
Bishops in the following proportions :

.linooln, . . . . . |26S,520

Rochester, ..... 127,635

GloQoerter, 114,485

Ripoo, • • . . . 6S^4S6

Woroester, . . . • • 85,000

Oxford, 82,345

Exeter, 17,500

Bath and Wellfl, .... 20,000

After such an exposition, it seems to me the people wmild
eease to be gulled by these mockeries of reform. By this
wonderful Bill of Belief nobody was benefited but the com-
misstoners. The people had the same taxes to pay; and
the Bishops were not allowed to dii^ose of their farmer iuf
oomes M they plaasedy but asnst take part of than in tius

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PRB6BNT STATE OF THE SSTABUSHED CHURCH. 315

jform of repairs to palaees, and improyements on estates.
But such is always the game played by the government
when acting in obedience to the cries of "reform." The
new statutes merely change the destination of the amounts
raised by taxes, instead of remoying them altogether. The
same oppression continues to exist, but is considerately dis^
guised under a new name. Reform measures are held out
as a blind to amuse the people, as the crimson flags in
bull-fighting are presented to distract the attention of the
bull from the armed man behind.

The Bishops* antipathy to beggars probably arises from
professional jealousy. Having discovered the advantages
of the pursuit, they are reluctant to have it'crowded by too
large a number of professors. If these helpless prelates
oould be tempted to preach at all, it would be to utter a
tirade against the vagrants who piteously plead for a penny
in the streets ; whilst they themselves complacently pocket a
OQuple of hundred thousand dollars, which they have succeed-
ed in begging for beautifying their palaces. The diflferent man-
ner of receiving these two classes of beggars satisfactorily
exhibits a strange contradiction in England, which prompts
the nation to assist the strong, and abuse the weak. The
idolatry displayed in England for every thing like greatness,
is amazing. A great scoundrel receives a sympathy which
a petty one could never hope to obtain. A mendicant
Bishop, with palaces, estates, and a vast income provided for
his support, pursues his avocation of begging with honor
and success ; whilst the starving Lazarus, imploring the
orumbs that fall from the rich man's table, is scorned, re-
viled, and even punished for daring to ask for bread. The
rosy, reverend gentleman of the Church, whose magnificent
provision should place him above the degradation of alms-
asking, is lodged in a palace ; but the wretched pauper, who
supplicates charity in the form of half-pence, is lodged in

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•316 JENOUSH ITEMS.

the house of correction. One begs from a naturally grovel-
ling disposition, and is rewarded with distinction ; the other
begs from necessity, and is punished with infamy. The
Bishops hate beggars, because they must share with them
the mite pf public charity, which would otherwise fall undi-
vided to their lot. The fortunate recipients of thousands
of pounds in the shape of charity^ they are too greedy to
abandon a few paltry half-pence to the wretches they them-
selves have assisted to make. In the collection of tithes,
what orphan was ever spared, or widow respected % " Woe
unto you, Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites ! for ye devour
widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayers :
therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation V^

But when we remember the extremes which each worthy
Bishop attempts to reconcile in his own disposition, it no
longer seems wonderful that he needs the charitable assist-
ance of government, to keep his dwelling in repair. A
Bishop would be ostentatious, and at the same time econom-
ical ; he would fain be lavish and saving, would appear pro-
fuse in expenditure whilst he is sordid in practice. I know
of no two qualities more difficult to sustain without vast
sums of money. A prelate has certainly a most trouble-
some task to accomplish. To sustain the dignity of the
Ohurch he must vie in splendor and parade with his wealthy
rivals among the temporal Lords, at the same time that he
secures consideration for himself and provides for his family
by hoarding an immense fortune. With two objects, so ex-
pensive to attain, 'tis not surprising that the Bishops should
be destitute of the means of indulging in charity, or repair-
ing their palaces. Grentlemen oppressed by burdens so
onerous, and so unusual, as their own dignity and their oirn
family, could scarcely be expected to do any thing so extra-
ordinary as repair their own houses. But difficult as it is
for the same individual to maintain the magnificence of an

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PRE8SNT STATB OF THS SSXABIISBED CHURCH, 317

EDglish prelate and tlie economy of a prudent father of a
family, the Bishops, assisted by the alms of the government,
appear to manage it. Sir John Newport stated in Parlia-
ment, that three Bishops during the fifteen previous years
had died, leaving $3,500,000 each to their families. How
little this looks like dispensing their salaries in charity.
How poorly it accords with their weekly exhortations — '' to
lay up treastres in heaven, where rust doth not corrupt, nor
thieves break through and steal.''

It would be evincing an unbecoming disrespect for the
illustrious example of their superiors, if sleek incumbents
and sapient deans did not display the same grasping greedi-
ness which characterizes the higher dignitaries of the
Church. The High Church principle is so happily illus-
trated in the following extract and table, that I cannot
forego the gratification of giving them.

The frauds committed by deans and ehapters have recently been
shown, at least, to equal in flagrancy, those of which the bishops stand
ooDvicted on the evidence adduced before the Eccksiastical Commis-
sioii. The property bequeathed to cathedral chm'ches was originally dis-
tributed by the donor's will, in certain exact proportions, to the various
officers of the cathedral, to granmiar boys to be boai'ded and educated,
and to other poor beneficiaries. This proportionate annual distribution
was devised in perpetuity, and all deans and chapters to this day bind
themselves individually by oaths of awful solenmity, &ithfuUy to per-
form the duties of their trust Instead of keeping these oath?, the dean
and prebendaries now divide vastly-augmented revenues intrusted to
them chiefly among themselves, leaving their weaker and more depen-
dent fellow-beneficiaries profited but slightly, and in many cases not
at all, by the enormous incarease of the property in which they have a
joint interest This shameless dishonesty will appear from the follow-
ing table, which shows the original as compared with the present sti-
pend of varioils caihedral functionaries, in different dioceses. The ex-
tension of the table to, at least twelve of the richest cathedrals, woi:dd
give a similar resnlt in all-r

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3X8 SK0U6B ITEMS.

^

Oamtkuubt.

1642.

1881. and 184».

£ 8. d.

£ «. d

Bean . . . •

800

2,060

Prebendariee^ each .

40 2 11

1,010 0*

Minor Canons^ each , .

10

80

Grammar boy^ each
Bedesmen, each .

4

18 4

6 IS 4

6 18 4

RoomsTER.

•.

1542.

1840.

£ «. d

£ c <i

Dean ....

100

1,426

Prebendaries, each .

20

680 19

Minor Canons, each

10

80

Grammar boya^ each

2 18 4

2 13 4

Bedesmen, each .

6 13 4

WOBCEBTEft.

NO,

. 1542.

1840.

£ «. dL

£ «. <i

Dean ....

183 6 8

1,486

Prebendaries, each .

20

626

Minor Canons, each

10

86

Grammar boys^ each .

2 13 4

5 10

Bedesmen, each

5
Ely.

5

1542.

1840.

£ «. d;

£ «. d

Deto ....

120 n 6

1,857

Prebendaries, each .

20

682

Minor Canons^ each

10

22 10

Grammar boys, (24 at)

8 6 8

(7 at) 8 6 8

Bedesmen, each .

6 18 4

6 18 4

Snch 18 a speeimen of the unprincipled rapacity of this braneh of
^ the Anglican clergy, and of the corrupting tendency of our State-chundi
system. It is melancholy to reflect^ how many men have been hanged
within the last forty years for les^ flagrant delinquencies I

Whenever the friends of freedom and reform had dared
to assail the holy monster, its sordid worshippers have nerer
failed to plead its antiqnity, as its protection. But can age

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PBMSmtr STATE 09 TBB aSTABUBBSO CBURCB. 319

make abuses tolerable 7 Gan long endnranee rob oppression
of its sting ? This pious horror in Churchmen of disturbing
existing forms, has no doubt preserved unaltered the pittance
originallj doled out to Grammar boys and Bedesmen,
though it was not strong enough to retain the same exact-
ness with regard to the salaries of the Deans themselves.
If the foor boys, for whose benefit the charities were origi-
nally established^ are not to be allowed to receive more than
their original stipend, the surplus revenues would have been
better em|doyed in alms to England's three millions of pau-
pers, than in inereasing the salaries of these laiy churchmen,
who apparenUy have more belly than conscience. But it
seems that these antiquated forms of the church are only in-
vioUUe, wh^ t^y minister to the selfishness ot its votaries.
The church itself is only maintained as a convenient and re-
^spectable hidmg-place, where churchmen may nestle in
oormptioa.

The delegation of political power to the priesti^od has
always produced, in every country where it has occurred,
bigotry in the church and tyranny in the government. It
leagues together two powerful accomplices for the oppression
of the people. It is destructive to all civil and religious
liberty. The clergy are denied by our government all par-
tieipation in political power ; and wisely has it been dona
, There can be no liberty wiiere there is not freedom (^ con-
science. To restrain the free intorcourse between man and
manisiyranny. What shall we call the attempt to coerce
a man's communion with his God ? A man's conscience is
too sacred — religion is too holy to be subjected to the con-
trol of human institutions. To declare by law the manner
in which a man mu?Bt approach in prayer the throne of hia
Maker, is sacrilege. It is exaltbg earthly things above
divine.

The «iihaUowed eonaeciion b^ween Ohureh and State,

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as mmatnral as Pasiphae^s amour with {he \>n\\ has pro
dnced in England a monstrosity, with all the hideousncss,
and more than the roraeity of the Minotaur. What can be
more hideous to a pious mind than making a trade of reli-
gion? What can be more revolting even to a wOTldling
than the idea of* serving God as a shopman serves his cus-
tomers, for a living? The church, not satisfied with the
tithes of England, which are annually offered up like the
seven chosen youths of Athens to appease the voracity of
the Minotaur, extends her devouring aj^tites to poor fam-
ished Ireland. She greedily gleans amidst the ruins that
&mine and misrule have made, the tear-stained means to
support her bloated opulence. She wrings from misery re-
luctant contributions, which she <mly needs to minister to
her luxury.

Why is not Scotland too made to contribute to the sup-
port of this magnificent establishment ? Why is she not
called upon to assist in filling the gaping coffers of the
English church? Kich and prosperous, she is much better
able, it seems to me, to bear such exorbitiEint demands, than the
land of suffering Erin. But no. The holy fathers of the churoh
seem endued with discretion not inferior to their voracity.
It is easy work, worthy of unwarlike churchmen, to despoil
poor prostrate Ireland; but Scotland has alike the will
and the power to resist oppression. Her strength b her pro-
tection. With Christian forbearance the Bishops

** Trampla on the wcmn, but pause e'er they wake
The alumbering yenom of the folded sna^"

In Ireland the natural order of things is reversed. The
people exist for the benefit of the government, and not the
government for the sake of the people. This unhappy coun-
try has ever been regarded as a safe and convenient plaoe
to quarter needy court &vorites, and us^l creatures of the

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PBKSSNT 8TATX OT TBS nXABUSHSD CHUBCEU Wl

orowB. CSergjmen take becefioes in Ireland as banknipt
noblemen make tourg on the continent, to recruit their ex-
hausted finances. Absenteeism is even more fashionable
among them than the landlords of the ooantrj. The Earl
of Bristol, Bishop of Derry, spent twenty years in Italy, and
daring that time received $1,200,000.

There are in Ireland but half a million of Protestants,
yet previons to the passage of the reform bill an establish-
ment of twenty-two Bishops were snmptnously supported,
although what all of them pretended to superintend one
Bishop in England would do. It is true that ihe number
of high dignitaries in Ireland is now reduced to two Arch-
bishops and twelve Bishops ; but what enormous dispropor-
tion between the extent of the church establishment, and the
number of church members in the two countries t What
mimstrous injustice !

The value of the ecclesiastical revenue of Ireland was,
in 1834, over $7,000,000. There were 3,195 places, divided
among 850 persons, giving to each an average of more than
$8,000. Thus we have an example of the Established
Church in Ireland, claiming, in order to minister to the
religious comfort of one-fourteenth of the population, one-
tenth of the entire prodaoe of the soil for the support of
eight millions of people, in addition to her own vast reve-
nues. Yet England professes to wonder that the people are
starving, and the country is depopulated. The attempt to
force the EstaUic^ed Church on Ireland has brought misery
on a brave nation. What change have centuries of oppres-
sion effected in the religious opinions of the country ? Ire-
land now presents the strange seene of tithe-fed clergymen
without parishes, parishes without churches, and churches
without people. Of her 2,394 parishes, 155 have no
church, and not a single Protestant inhabitant, and there
are 895 parishes with less than 50 Protestant inhabitants,
14*

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022 SROusii rams.

includiiig men, women and cbildren. But tbe payment of
the pastor is as oompnlsorilj exacted in these parishes as in
any others. The following table presents a glimpse of the
strange state of things in Ireland.

Memben of Tithe

Tuiahm, IbeBUtoChiiroli. Onupoflilloii.

Kilkalty . . • 13 . . . £iO0

BoUyhea .... 15 .... 400

Templerftcarigy .. 27 ... 498

Ballyyoamey . . 80 . * . . .500

Ardagfa ... 14 ... 600

Wliiteeliiirbh . . 20 . . 784

Uogeesha . . • 19 . . . 809

aonfriest. • ^ . S5 . . . .869

Its £4^860 or $24,800

That there is as much difference in the amount of dvty as
in the pay of the Catholic priesthood and the elei^y of the
Established Church, Z beg leave to call attention to the fol-
lowing facts. In the district of New Erin there are 4,500
Catholics, and 30 Protestants ; in Donnes Keath, there are
5,700 Catholics, and 90 Protestants. But, in both these, as
in Kiloommin and ToUamore, where there was not a single
member of the Establi^ted Church, there were four or five
elergynten, and but one priest.

It is singular that in « nation professing to be so ner-
vously proper as the English, among a people so nervoucdy
t^iacioufl of every imagined right, the present system of ap-
pointing clei^jrmen should, for a day, be permitted to pre-
vail. It is the boast of Englishmen that the accused in
England enjoy the privilege of being tried by their peers ;
in legal questions, toudiing the rights of property, every
^an is allowed to select his own advocate; in ParliMnen-
tary and other elections, every voter can freely exercise the
ri^t of suffrage ; but in the question of salvation, the pe<»-

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PRESENT STATE OF THE ESTABLISHED CHUBCH. 323

pie have no voice at all. Witk regard to life, property and
franchise, thej have rights, and can maintain them ; but the
privilege of selecting their own ministers of religion is de-
nied this self-styled " freest nation upon earth." " What
shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and
lose his own soul ?" But the souls of the populace in Eng-
land weigh but little in the scales against the rights of the
aristocracy. Their church-livings are the most profitable
portion of their personal possessions. The order must be
sustained, though heaven itself be forfeited. For the most
ordinary duty men are generally selected whose zeal and
whose talents best fit them for its performance. And the
reward for its execution should remain in the power of the
employers, as a guarantee of good faith on the part of him
who undertakes it. These are simple precepts, recognized
in the least important of worldly transactions ; but in min-
istering the holy offices of religion, they are scornfully dis-
regarded. Court favor, family interest, or the sordid dispo-
sition of the owner of the living, regulates the appointment
of every minister of the Established Church in England.
The arrogant proprietor of a benefice presents it to him who
fawns most, or pays highest, without the slightest regard to
his (qualifications. He may be ignorant, immoral, and, in
every respect, repulsive to his congregation, but the laws
are inexorable : he must not only preside at the desk of the
church to which he has been so arbitrarily appointed, but he
must be handsomely supported by its members. There is
no power of appeal in the people. The unwelcome intruder
must continue a life-long burden to any parish on which his
wealthy patron has been pleased to impose him. Should such
an unwarrantable interference with the pettiest bargains of
the people be attempted by the government, it would be de-
nounced in all parts of the kingdom, as a heinous offence
against the liberties of the subject. But, as only religion,

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and not money. U inyolved in the ontrages perpetrated bj
the owners of clinrch-livings, they not only pase withont cen-
sure, but without comment The relatiye falae of sillTation
and lucre is reversed in Great Britain. Though the aris-
tocracy boldly endanger the first, they have not the moral
courage to give up the last The patronage of church-liv-
ings is a very profitable source of revenue. What consider-
ations, then, earthly or divine, could induce its surrender f

The titles which subject church-livings to the same laws of
sale and transfer as any other personal property are founded
in sqpcrstition or corruption, and should not therefore be
sustained. Kobber Barons, haunted on their death-beds by
the fearful memories of a life of bloodshed and crime, had,
in making rich bequests to the church, prayed that some
fitvorite might be remenlbered in the appointment of parish
priests. Or intriguing worldings had boldly bargained with
unscrupulous monks for the rights of presentation to certain
livings in the church, in exchange for land and money, which
were far dearer to the priesthood, than the proper adminis-
tration of religion to the people. The acquired privileges
were handed from father to son till the Beformation, when
this glaring abuse should have been earliest abolished. But
the traffic was too much in accordance with the social prin-
ciples of the people seriously to o£fend their religion. The
church-livings were still considered property^ but the titles
were piously transferred to the supporters of the new form
of religion, and are still acknowledged to the shame of the
Established Church of England. The English, with their
idolatrous respect for birth, could not be expected to interfere
even with abuses made sacred by so holy an origin.

The church-livings continue therefore a fruitful source of
corruption in the government, and moral debasement in the
people. ^Of the benefices of England 1301 are assigned to
the Bishops, as if purposely to tempt them to make pluralists

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PRESENT STATE OV IBS XSTABUBHXD CHimCB. 825

ftad non-residents of their relations and fayorites, to tlie great
seandal of that church of whose piety and parity they are
the responsible representatives: 1048 of them bekmg to
the crown, to he jadieionsly divided among the properest
tools of despotism, who are required to propound doctrines
of abject submission and slavish compliance, instead of
making the pulpit, as it was during our own glorious revo-
lution, the fountain of liberty as well as religion. The
6,619 livings owned by private individuals are the cause of
degradation to their owners, and debasement to the people.
The conscience of their proprietOTs^is seared, and their hearts
hardened in this fearful trafic of human souls, whilst the
moral character of the nation is debased by the appointment
of unworthy persons as clergymen, whose example and pre-
cepts are to direct their religious aspirations. To complete
the list of benefices, 982 belong to Deans and Ohaptert, and
743 to the Universities. As an example of the manner in
which they are divided : the Archbishop of Canterbury alone
is patron of 149 livings. The Duke of Beaufort has 26, and
the Duke of Devonshire 31 shares in these holy stocks,
whilst His Grace of Bedford possesses 32, probably in con-
sideration of his being descended from the virtwms Duke of
Bedford to whom Junius addressed his famous letter.

Before it is decided by the parents of a boy whether he
shall become a lawyer, a physician, an officer in the army, or
a member of some useful mechanical trade, it is always de-
termined whether he is qualified for the position. But the
dunce of the family, in England is too often made a minister
merely because his stupidity unfits him for every thing else,
and because his family happens to possess the necessary in-
fluence to procure for him this easy mode of making a com-
fortable living. Pie^ is the first requisite in a clergyman,
but even when accompanied with the most brilliant talents
it has but Httle chance of j^ferment in the Established

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Ohwch of Bi^land unless bftoked by fiHrtnne uid friends.
Oenius is altogether unnecessary, and pietjy is not expected
in her ministers. Not the religious instruction of the people
bat the pockets of the owners are the primary object of the
presentations to ohoreh-livings.

But the incompetency of the clergy which must ineyita-
bly result from this faulty mode of presentation, serious as
it is, is not the most monstrous of the abuses to which the
system is subjects, If those who have livings in their gift
would confine themselves to the appointment of incompetent
relations and dependants, the churoh might escape without
more serious hurt, than haying its sacred offices ministered
byisilly but inoffensive people. But the venal instincts of
the nation prompt the lucky proprietors of these <&ur<^-liv-
ings shamelessly to dispose of them to the highest bidder.
Who can wonder that the church is disgraced by improper
persons as its ministers ? Though Englishmen might deal
in >«11 rise; though they might sell country, honor aod
friends, it seems to me that even their hardened hearts
ought to be appalled by the thought of making a traffic of
religion. They profess to despise those engaged in ordinary
oomm^ce, but their delicate natures are not at all shocked
by this sacrilegious commerce in the souls of men. The
value of the article dealt in probably elevates it in their es-
timation above the sordid nature of other branches of imde.
A banker is more respected than a merchant in England ;
and I suppose on the same principle a dealer in salvation is
deemed a much more honorable sort of personage ih&a a
dealer in codfish. . How can the people reverence religion
with the pious ad(»ation becoming in Christians, when they
tee its holy c^ces bartered for, as any other kind of mer-
ohandise 1 With a vicious worldling as their minister is it
strange that they should falter in their respect for the
church? When tboy see eyerywliere the forms, but seek

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PRESENT STATS OF 1!HS S8TA&IJSJ9BD CHURCH. JHIf

in vain for the spirit of reli^on, is it not natural that thej
should learn to think that their duty to heaven was accom-
plished by going to chnrok ? Is it surprising that with them
piety should mean a gilded prayer-book, and well-oushioned
pew ? that religion should consist in kneeling, and charity
in loud-uttered responses 7 Is it remarkable that they
should serye God by subscribing for a finer church than
their neighbors, and think they obey all the admonitions of
heaven in taking the sacrament from a costly service of sil-
ver plate ?

But when oifise ordained the ministers of the Established
Church of England are fixtures for life. Blackwood's Mag-
iwine, the usual advocate of Tory and High Church ]»riaci-
pies, has candidly confessed that ^^ a clergyman may be dear
titute of religious feeling ; he may be grossly immoral ^ he
may discharge his duties in the most incompetent manner
and lose his flock ; he may almost do any thing short of
legal crime, and still he will neither forfeit his living nor
draw upon himself any punishment."

We are assured that every precaution has been taken to
suppress the scandalous sale of church-livings. But statutes
have been multiplied and solemn oaths have been devised to
very little purpose. It requires a cunning contrivance to
restram the avarice of an Englishman. Upon his institu-
tion a clergyman is compelled to swear that " he gave not
the least consideration whatever, either himself, directly or
indirectly, nor any person for him with his privity, knowledge
or consent." But oaths are not apt to be binding among ^a
people where religion itself is so little respected. The fact
of a man's being willing to purchase a living when he must
do so in violation of so serious an oath, should be taken as
convincing evidence of his being unworthy of the place.
But what is his unworthiness to the owner of the benefice,
if he pays well for it 7 It is his anxiety to realize the

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898 SKOWH imn.

grettest amount of pr<Ai by tlie transactkm, and one man's
money is aa good as anotbor's.

It freqnoitly happens that aH deoency in the arrange-
ment is forgotten, and b<Hb seller and buyer are present at
the bargain But a oonscientions gentleman, whose mind,
more timid, is still b&unted by the spectres of tlie outward
forms of propriety, will square aceounts with his eonsmeiiee
by getting a friend to buy the living and present it to him.
His own money makes the purchase, but he does not buy
the benefice. What a siHy oontriyance to impose on sensi-
ble people ! Yet it is sufficient to protect the offender from
the rigons of the law. He pockets the fruits of his peijury
but whispers to remorse, ^ Back — ^back, rile demon ! thou
eanst not say that I did it." Under a system so yicious,
men, the most depraved in their tastes and debauched in
their habits, may become ministers of God's holy word.
They have only to pay the price and swear that they did not
pay it. And when we remember 'how sure, how {HXifitable,
and how respectable an investment a living in tiie church
is, it is not at all remarkable that such disreputable mem-
bers of society diould be eager to become purchasers. It
Bdems to me that prayers uttered by their vSe breath could
not ascend to heaven, but would hai^ over their congrega-
tions like a cloud between them and the glory of their
Maker. This is not one of the Legendary abuses of the
High Church system that modem progress and reform hare
long since corrected. This is not one of those crying sins
which only exist now in memories of brawling dissenters and
discontented radicals. It is an affair of every-day occur-
rence. Church-livings are as regularly advertised for sale
in file public prints with a florid parade of their advantages,
as we would advertise farms with their convenient appurte-
nances. In support of what I declare, I give the following

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TUaSKKT WtAJX or THX MABUBBSD OBUBOB. 829

extraet from tbe London Times made daring mj recent
visit to England.

Tkajtoio in Adtowsoks. — ^We have received the following letter on
this subject from "& G. O." (the Rev. Mr. Osborn):—

Sir — jouT paper of August 5, ocmtains an advertisement headed
"Next Fresentation to a valuable living in Dorsetshire," '*a most high-
ly desirable living,** ntuation "Balubr^ous," <*aniHUkl value upwards of
£700 p» annum, with a o^tsl residence, garden and pleasure-grounds
most tastefully laid out^** ** population 1000,** prenni incumbent SO years
of offe/* I must add to the above desfoription, there are two churches^
two dissenting places of worship^ two resident Roman Catholic priestc^
and a rery large nunnery. You have now before joa the parish of
Spetisburj-oam-CSiarlton. To anj one with money to invest in a cure
of souls^ can a more tempting speculation be offered? By the bye, the
advertisement adds^ " the rent-charge is easily collected.** I must^ how-
ever, protest against the course which haa been pursued to obtain
grounds £or this amount of temptation— t. e^ the putting in, a very
abort time sinee, the old man of %0, who for many yean past^ on his
own petition to the bishops was declared ineapaUe of perfofmiii^ duty,
had a dispensation from residence on his then living, and was not insti-
tuted to this living with the least expectation that he would reside on
it. The patron, wise in his generation, has done the best the law aK
lows him to do to make the article suddenly thrown on his hands of
the utmost salablis value; the Church, to her shame^ baa per foi aui
ne/aM become a party eonsenting to the transaction. We have b^en
lately eited witli all due solemnity to the solemn (f ) wor^ of sending
proctors to Convocation. I was not able to attend ; had I done so—
had I proposed the Rev. Mr. Baskett, the octogenarian inouml^ent of
Spetisbury-cum-Charlton, on the grounds that he had been just kistitut-
ed by my diocesan to one of the most impCHrtant cures in the diocese,
and therefore I had a right to presume had not only an experience
from his age few possess^ but also this recent public testimonial to his
w<niih as a parochial, minister — ^would any one member of that scdemn
conclave have ventured on the indecency of aaying^ " Sir, Mr. B. was
appointed to this important cure not for his capacity, but being incapa-
ble ; he was not chosen because his age gave him experience, but be-
eause 80 years of age in an advertisement; as the age of the present in-
t maksa the living mure vataable ia themiHdMt^ ha was too in*

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890 BjrousK

irm to node ob his last liviiig-^iM lias no intentioB of nsdi&g on &m
^one." From the preBiding archdeaoon to the apparitor in vaiting tiie
idea would hare been aoouted, aod jet--«o It is.

From the following advertisment of a church-living it
might be reasonably supposed that there was an occasional
Nimrod among the holj fathers of the church.

To be Bold, tbe next presentation to a vicarage in one of the mid-
land ooimtiei, and in the immediate neighborhood of one or two of
the first pcuks of fox-hounds m the kingdom. • The present annnal.in-
eome abont J£580» sabjeet to curate's salarj. The incumbent in his
60th year.

Tet the pious gentlemen for whose avarice these adv^-
tisements are intended as a bait, are asked at their ordina-
tion, " whether they feel themselves moved by the Holy
Ghost to take upon them the sacred office of the imnistry?''
Their answers are of course in the affirmative. But who
can doubt that the emoluments of the living, and not the
" Holy Ghost," had moved the zealous candidate for church-
preferment ? It would be sacrilege to treat the more serious
concerns of human life with such solemn mockery, but the
language has no ternl properly to describe the profanity of
subjecting religion to such impious practices.

The Bishops are surrounded by a swarm of Deans, Arch-
deacons, Prebendaries, Chancellors, Commissaries, Surro-
gates, Registrars, Proctors, Apparitors, &c. &c., to the end
of a long list, the only apparent object of whose mainte-
nance at an enormous annual expense is to increase the pomp,
and expose the follies of the Established Church. Oranmor
has justly described them as " good vianders too much given
to belly cheer.'* The Deans and Chapters nominally elect
the Bishops. This is the roost miserable of all bad farces.
The Bishop? are really appointed by tiie crown, and tke
DeMM a&d Chi^>terg hiny threogh a form of leMed \

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PREBSNT STATS OV THK S8TASLISHED CHURCH. 331

tion. For this important duty they cojoy an income of
about 92,500,000* But useless as these crowds of sinecures
appear, it is evident to the close observer that their num-
bers, the absence of all duty, and the large salaries, make them
eagerly sought by the younger sons and poor relations of
nobles ; they are essential to the prime object of government,
the preservation of the order of nobility. They materially
increase the number of lazy situations, with fat wages, adapt-
ed to the tastes and indolence of the younger sprigs of nobi-
lity who are habitually quartered on the people.

The Established Church is a double curse to the people
of England. It assails their freedom and interferes with
their religious instruction. The vast revenues of the church
are monopolized by the Bishops, dignitaries, and aristocratic
pkuralists, whilst the curates, the real ministers to the reli-
gions wants of the people, are starving upon tiie miserable
pittances doled out to them by their rich patrons. At a par-
ticular epoch in the history of the church there was one indi-
vidual who united in his own person eleven livings. But
here is a list of the pluralists.

Number of Livings held

IndividoiOB. by eaob.

1 11

1 8

6 1

12 6

64 5

209 4

667 8

2027 2

Yet it was a violation alike of law and the oanona of the
eimrch that any minister diould hold more than one living.
The' outrage would be less flagrant if this '^ simony" was
tolerated in order to relieve the holders of the poorer livings

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us EBQUSB TOMB.

ham ilmort peniuy by ocmfemng sevend of them on one
Bunisttt. But those places which are most greedily ponneed
i^on fay the aristocratic pluralists and non-residents are the
richest benefiees in the church, some of them being worth forty
or fifty thousand dollars a year. Every pluralist must be a
son-resident in some of his benefices, and the majority of
them enjoy the profits of seYcral livings without residing in
any of them. Indeed it is their intention to accumulate the
iaeomes of as many valnable livings as will enable them to
leave their panshes and dash and dissipate in the fashionable
circles of the metropolis^ The nation are thus not only bur-
dened with their enormous salaries, but are by them deprived
of the advantages they might ^oy from their ministers not
bebg rich enough to live much abroad. As an evidence that
the English sense of right is not wholly dead with regard to Uie
monstrous abuses of the church, I append the following ex-
tracts from the comments of the Times of August last on Mr.
Robert Moore, who in lus own person united the rich livings
of Hunton, Latchington, Eynesford, and Hollingsbonrne, be-
sides a cathedral stall, and the principal r^gistrarship of
Doctors Commons.

A great deal, as might have been expected, has been written and
■aid of the Bev. Bobxbt Moobx and hia emoluments The disooyerj or
rather the public announcement^ that in the middle of this 1 9th centuiy
tiiere atill existed an individual poflsesBing in private fee a sineeare of-
fice worth 9,00OKi a jear, a rectory worth 1000^, a second leetorf worth
another 1000/., a third producing 6002., a fourth 1501,, and a catliedial
■tall of the most desirable fertility to boot^ was an incident well calcu-
lated to arrest the attention of the public Such yiAions are monsters
of the old moral world, and are gazed upon like tl^e gigantic fossils of a
post creation. Mr. Moore, however, is pained at his own attraction^,
and feels hurt^ as he expreseed to ourselves^ at the reflection that he
^■honld have been held up more than othars similarly drcnraatapead
to puUie odium, and made the sulject of misrepresentation and exag-
geration,'' Now, though our first considerations are due to the inter

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PRESENT STATS OF THE ESTABLISHED CHUBCH. 333

ests of the commimity at large, we shotild but ill difldbarge onr office if
we rendered leas Osn juetifie to any individaal Onoe more^ tberefeve^
with a eonfident expeetation that we thall cany with us the opiniona
o{ the pahUc» and with some hopes of extorting the assent eyen of Mr.
Hoore himself, we submit his case to a fair and comprehensiye review.

The Times appears not so much sorprised by the existence
of so outrageous an abase, as by its " public announcement."
That the case should have been brought bef<»t) the public
does seem strange indeed, when so much pains is ordinarilj
taken to conceal the peculations of Church and State.

When the fact is notorious that the poor clergy and the
curates perform all the clerical labors of the Established
Ohurch, what object is attained by supporting these wealthy
pluralists who do no duty at all, unless it is to oppress liic
people and sustain the fictitious superiority of Uie aristocrat
oy 1 This, however, is one of the worthy aims of the British
goyemment. If eyery congregation were permitted to select
from free choice its own minister and compensate him with m
reasonable salary, such clergymen only would officiate whose
piety, whose talents, and the correctness of whose lives emi-
nently fitted them for so responsible a position. Worldly and
worthless characters would be no longer tempted by excessive
pay to enter upon duties so holy and so little congenial to thdr
dispositions. The people would be freed from the present
enttshing weight of the Church, and have their religious eere-
monies performed by sincere and lealous Christians. Pla-
ralists and non-residents would be unknown in 4fae ChoAh,
for pious and not sordid considerations would then influence
men to take holy orders. The people would be improved by
the unafifected devotion of their pastors, instead of being cor-
rupted by seeing how little regard for heaven they have,
who have been called to preach it.

The High Church system is unjust and oppressive to its
own members, but is cruel in the extreme to unfortunate dis-

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senters. It impovenBhes them by compelling them to con-
tribate to its own support in addition to Bostaining their own
clergymen ; and it outrages the piona feelings of conscien-
tious Christians by forcing them to contribute to the main-
tenance of a form of religion which their hearts condemn as
wrong. The dissenters of Sngland form no inconsiderable
remnant of the population whose voice is naturally lost
amidst the joyful Bongs of the large majority. The govern-
ment discourages every attempt to ascertain their true
strength and respectability, and affects to regard and treat
them as an obscure faction, the smallness of whose numbers
renders them unworthy of being listened to when they com-
plain. But those who have had an opportunity of judging
them " by their works" must feel convinced, that if they are
not more numerous they are much more active than the
clergy and members of the Established Church. But take
the county of Lancashire, from which returns have been^
made. It was found that there were 590 dissenting churches
and 255,411 sectarians. There were 281 places of worship
aoewding to the Established Church, and the entire popula-
tion of the county was 1,052,859 persons. Those who were
numbered among the sectarians must of course have been
active members of some congregation, whilst the census of
the country included people of all ages and conditions ; this
could not therefore present a fair proportion between the
churches. But a reasonable calculation would enable us to
conclude, that under this iniquitous syirtem nearly one-half
of the people were taxed to build churches they never
entered, and to support ministers they never beard. The
number too of dissenters is daily increasing. Zeal and sin-
cerity must eventually overcome formal hypocrisy. ' But
even, when the religious opinions of the nation are wholly
reformed, the wealth and selfishness of the stubborn aristoc-

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PRESENT STATE Or SHE SSXAEIJSHEI) CHURCH« S9fi

rwoj will fltili remain an iny^urmountable barrier to re£orma- .
tioQ in church goyernment.

I hare attempted to describe the results from the sordid
ajstem of sale, prevailing among the pious proprietors of
church-liTings. I shidl give but one example of the abuses
of which favoiitism, in the presentation io livings, is capa-
ble. It was the original intention of Cranmer, in his code,
whieh the deaUi of Edward Y I. prevented from passing into
a law, that bastards should "■ not be admitted to orders, or
livings as a consequence, unless they had eminent qualities."
*^ But the bastards of patrons were, on no account, to be in-
ducted into preferments, if presented to them by their pre- •
sumed parents." Had this provision .taken effect, it would
have been somewhat unfortunate for the Rev. Lord Augus-
tus Fitzclarenoe, the natural son of William lY. by Mrs.
Jordan, who has, since 1829, been the rector of Maple-
duram, and is the private chaplain of Her Majesty Queen
Yictoria. His Eeverend Lordship happily illustrates, in his
own preferment, the rather loose code of morals acknow-
ledged by the Church, as his only possible claim upon her
munificence rests on the fact of his parents having outraged
her most sacred rite. But the absurd superstition that
''the king can do no wrong'' may be incorporated in the
religion, as well as the constitution of England, for aught I
know ; and there may be no particular indecency in reward-
ing the profligate bastard of a profligate king with the holy
office of minister of God's word. Those who will call to
mind the chaste vindictiveness with which Queen Yictoria
prosecuted the Lady Flora Hastings affair, must be some-
what surprised at the intimate spiritual relations which exist
between Her Majesty and this reverend individual, merely
because he chances to be the result of a caprice of a royal
parsonage for an actress. But one might infer that Her
Majesty entertained quite an affection for her accidental

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tSf n«tBH

rektioBfl, as another of tiie Fitcelarenoea' enjoys the honor
of oommanding the royal yacht

Bat the legion of chnrch ahnses, which now make the
wicked scoff and the pions grieTe, most continue to curse
Great Britain, whilst money is regarded as the chief bless-
ing by the nation. Beligion most always suffer under sad
disadvantages, when compelled to contend with ayarice in
the heart of an Englishman. Whilst the aristocracy have
benefices to sell, and yonnger sons to jffOTidefor,the chnreh
will be retained as a cloak for their dishonoraUe practicea

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HSRALDAT. 387

CHAPTER Xn.

HBSAIiDSY.

THE mysterioas mummery of Heraldry is one of those
farcical superstitions, still tenderly cherished by the
British aristocracy. The whole power of the English gov-
ernment is exerted to make this venerable absurdity re-
(potable. A mighty nation unites in pronouncing its pedantic
nonsense the wisdom of an oracle.

A college of thirteen persons is maintained, at the ex-
pense of the government, to practise this sacred hocus-pocus
for th^ satisfaction of its subjects. Each member of this
learned institution must graduate in gibberish, and a man
must posses sheepskin authority for indulging in Heraldic
slang. The highest importance is attached to the edicts of
the Heralds. Their simplest fiat becomes supreme law. No
court of justice can change, nor can the sovereign himself
modify their decisions. All classes look up to them with
equal veneration. The low-bom regard them with awe, for
it is from their college that must issue every testimonial of
gentility acknowledged in the kingdom. And they wield
over the nobility, as keepers of their pedigrees, that sort of
influence which a father confessor obtains over a man, in
becoming keeper of his conscience.

The college has retained, with its defunct technicalities
and outlandish phrases, something of the barbaric magnifi-
cence of chivalry. The three kings-at-arms, with their four
15

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838 XHGUSH maiB.

HenldB and six Pmsnivants, still play a cons^cuoiis part
in all court ceremonies and state shows. Arrayed in the
gorgeous costumes of their order, stiff with gold lace, and
bedizened by the grotesque symbols of their science, they
assunfe the stately strut, as well as the grandiloquent lan-
guage, of the middle ages. And yet the multitude seem to
discover nothing ludicrous about this masquerade of exploded
fashions, in which the £[eralds must perform the solemn
farce allotted to them.

They profess to cling with fond tenacity to Heraldry,
as a lii^ring remnant of chivalry. I delist in the days
of love and lances ; I love to dwell on the heroism, and
high-toned honor of the devoted knights. Embalmed in all
the poetry of its nature, the tales of chivalry have aiwaya
exercised over me a witching fascination, that no other por-
tion of history possessed. The souls that could melt to
tenderness in silent adoration of a ribbon, or a glove, and
yet boldly break lances in the name of the fair givers of
these holy relics, 'have always commanded my highest admi-
ration. Devotion to a woman is the only feeling which does
not become absurd when indidged to excess. But chivalry
only lives w)ien surrounded by the atmosphere of fancy.
As the beauteous moth, which has existed for ages imbedded
in amber, sickens and dies when its sparkling prison is
broken, so the romantic deeds of chivalry become ridicu-
lous when removed from the bright realms of imagination.

What a storm of derision would assail any modern Don
Quixote, who would insert his head in an iron kettle, and
wander about the country with sixty or a hundred pounds
of pot-metal on his back, merely for the fun of bloody noses
and broken heads. In these modern days of utilitarian doc-
trines, a broken head, in whatever cause it may have been
acquired, is considered any thing but ornamental. And a
dinner-pot is believed to be a much more appropriate recep-

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teelo of a W«B^>haBa Ham, ihnx the eraeked pate of ita ro-
nantic owner. A man would justly be deemed a fool to
risk his neck for a smile of hi£^ lady-love, in the noise, dost
lyul discomfort of a tournament, when he might conrince
her of his nnshaken devotion with so much less trouble. A
lover will quafiF several passes of champagne to the healtji
of his mistress, wha has decorated his button-hole with the
satin ribbon from her shoe, but he could scarcely be ex*
pected by the ^acting damsel herself to shed a single drop
id his blood, in i^preciation of the honcnr. Why then, when
the most beautiful portions of this romantic code appear so
absurd when applied to modem actions, should a barbarous
folly connected with it \)e retained, which chivalry itself only
tolerated because it was necessary ? For then the miuled
hands of the thick-skulled Barons were much more cunning
in the use of a lance than a p^n, and thdbr signet-ringSj
adorned with their peculiar coat of arms, were indispensaMe
in signing important documents and holding secret commun-
ion with distant friends. But thanks to the enterprising
efforts of the Dominie Samsons of England, the Nobility
can now indite a B<»*awl, recogniaable in the courts of law
as their legal signatures, and raging bears and ran^ani lions
have ceased to be necessary to represent the sign-manual of
these respectable gentlemen. .

Tilting is both dangerous and' laborioua Platonio at*
ta<&ments have Been found, upon experiment, a bore ; and
Uie English gentry have something else to do, besides wan«
der about the country seeking whom they may devour. The
romantic portion of Knight-errantry has been unanimously
voted a nuisance, but Heraldry is retained to exalt the na*
tion's vanity at the expense of its commim sense. The aristoc-
racy require the College of Heralds to assay the old nobility
before deolarii:^ its wiwth, and by stamping the new, to give it
enrreney. Aithon^ they themselves mui^t feel that the coin

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is nqptirious, yet so long as the wbole naiian ooiitiMe weak
enoQgli to receive it as genuine, they will, from feelings of
self-interest, do all in their power to promote its cirenlation.

The fact of the Heralds* College being "incorporated'
and invested with many privileges and immunities,'* by the
third Richard, forms a somewhat remarkable eoincidence
with the arbitrary exercise of authority by that institution.
But though founded and^ professedly sustained to preserve
intact the precious supenority of noble blood, over all other
less pure sources ; although its chief duty is to treasure those
noble and generous qualities in which the nobility are said
to excel, yet it happens, strangely enough, to fumiidi the
most indubitable evidence of the omnipotence of money in
Great Britain.

With regard to all *^ scutcheons of honor or pretence,**
the Heralds are absolute. They provide appropriate geib-
ealogies for newly created peers. They decide, without
appeal, who is genteel. They furnish for a c&mpensc^ioH
ancestors and coats of arms to rich parvenues, whose fami*
lies have hitherto been unfortunately innocent of sudk ex-
pensive appendages. In reference to all these matters no
man dares qiaestion their decisions. ^ But the evidence of
Heralds to support pedigrees is not received in courts of
justice." Thus we see this sordid nation unhesitatiDgljr
trusting their noble titles, and what ought to be dearer than
all titles of distinction, their honor, io ike keeping of these
bombastic numskulls, but when their fiats happen to involve
something more substantial than the confirmation of a new
title, or the arrangement of an imaginary line of ancestors,
they are altogether disregarded. Their evidence is not re*
oeived in courts of justice. The nobility deem the Heralds
good enough guardians of titles, but th^ Lordships prefer
taking care of their purses themselvea The shallowest r^
searches of the~ College can legally enrich a man in all i

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HI

af . ttHQtfltral glory, but their most labored efforts^ in CMitaV
lishing his dosceni, oftunot confer upon him an acre of land.
It& pedantic eertificate may give or take away gentility, but
its most solemn oath in a court of justice cannot interfere
vith the*8acred inviolability of cash. This is something
too precious to be tampered with by such empirics as the
Heralds. An Englishman esteems his honor of so little
value himself, that he is not at all apprehensive of being
robbed of it by a neighbor. It may therefore be safely
intrusted to a Herald. But money is of so delicate, so
evanescent a nature, is so highly prized and eagerly sought
for, that it is believed dangerous to confide it to such unscru-
pulous guardians as the College of Heralds. When ques-
tions of money are agitated, all the learning and e;cperience
of the most learned professors of the law are called in,
though the Heraldic College is thought adequate to deter-
mining the doubtful quality of a man's blood. Perhaps the
nation are right for being a little skittish of the most vene-
rable college. The initiated are too familiar with the ready
means of procuring for wealthy clients Heraldic evidence
of, I care not what, willingly to confide to their decision so
important a portion of themselves as their purses.

It is well known that any man is entitled to the Heraldio
distinction of a coat of arms who can afford to live without
occupation and to pay liberally for the honor. The king at
anns may at any time create a gentleman by granting a erest.
Indeed the Heralds' College may be described as a whole-
asle manu£ftetory of gentlemen. Masses as incongruous as
the contents of a chiffoniers rag-basket at Paris, may be
thrown into the extraordinary Heraldic maohine, and yet
nothing but gentlemen are turned out, just as paper is pro-
duced from all sorts of rags. Qold is the principal ingre-
dient used in this magical process. It is found to be an
aeidsiiffioieatly powerfiil to reduce materials however rude

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a4fl

and Tulgar to the proper oonnitenej for tke raannffteitff* of
getttiemen. But nnfortanately for the sacoess of the makers
^e geimine article ia so readily counterfeited that ^ey are
eompeUed to pin a label, in the shape of a coat of anna, on
each gentleman^s back, as the maker's name is paeted on •
vial of Jnle's hair tonic, to peyent impositions on the on*
suspecting public.

If there be any thing really contaminating about indus-
trial pursuits, it is worse than folly to pretend that the
Queen, assisted hy her Heralds, can remove the pollution.
If there be any thing disreputable about the manufacture of
soap, or the brewing of beer, what must we think of the
understandings of people who profess to believe that the
Queen, by pronouncing a few words of Heraldic jargon, and
touching a shoulder with a sword, can miraculously purify
blood which has been for centuries thickened by soft soap,
or cleanse veibs that have been for ages muddied by stale
beer 1 The candidate for gentility, after passing throu^
the hands of the Queen, is subjected to the legerdemaiii of
the chief Herald, who gabbles some mysterious incantati^m,
and, presto, the impure sources of his blood are magically
made worthy to mingle with the Helicon streams of tlu»
aristocracy. Previous to this juggling lustration, ihe gen-
tlemen of England would have felt contamimuted by any
association, however formal, with the vulgar tradesman ; bu6
the instant he has his card of variegated hieroglyphics hung
about his neck by the Heralds, he is deemed no longer aa
improper companion for the aristocracy. If Our transmuted
brewer be ambitious of ancestral honors, he can be readily
provided by the Heraldic College with a line of doughty fore-
£iithers, whose extent shall be warranted to bear a mathe-
matical proportion to the length of his purse. If he is un-
fortunately troubled with some not very euphonic appella*
tlon, a sufieient outlay in the same quarter will tewSi^ re*

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BSBALD&T. 343

Iie\re him of the incumbrftiioe. Afkj name can be metamor-
phosed to sttit any taste, whether it inclines to the heroic,
or- the sentimental. Hodges, for instance, by an ingenious
transposition and alteration of letters by the Heralds, may
be changed into Hehgist and Horsa ; and the various corrup-
tions by which the originally heroic name has degenerated
into plebeian Hodges will be so minutely traced, and satis*
factorily established, that no reasonable man can longer en-
teetain a doubt that our plain Hodges is a veritable descend-
ant from one of the northern demigods.

It is strange that the nation should continue to hearken
to the senseless prate of t^e Heralds, when they are aware
how easily wealth may procure its advantages. Vast reve-
DftteB, judiciously invested, may not only ennoble their pos-
sessor, but procure for him, if desirable, new name, ancestors
and position. The Heraldic College is certainly an ines-
timable blessing to the upstart wealth of Oreat Britain,
since, by its alchemy, the sordid gains of a vulgar tradesman
can be transfarmed into ample possessions of a proud noble.
But, in providing an aspirant with pedigree and coat of arms,
all metaphorical allusions even to the past pursuits of the
new-made gentleman are studiously avoided. This is an
egregious fault. The arms of the fresh aristocrat should
possess some allegorical connection at least with his manner
of acquiring money enough to purchase his distinction.

For an enriched and lately ennobled soapmaker, for in-
0ton66, 1 would beg to suggest something like the following
aB an appropriate coat of arms : Party per nebul6 or and
vert. In the sinister base a huge caldron, gules and azure,
Afr the honor pointy an ass rampant-regardant j attired with
bouquet and ribbons of asure. In the dexter base, a small
patch of trefoil^ having in its midst five peacocks in full
pride There's a touch of Heraldry for you ! Looks know-
lag, does it not? But why display my treasured lore in

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this anoient .and profound science, when nine-tenths of my
democratic readers could not understand me if thej* would,
and the other tenth wouldn^t if they could ; and yet I feel
as much tickled by my self-concocted coat of arms as a child
with a new drum, and, like the noisy urchin who drums
everybody out of the house to convince them of the reality
of the possession, I am going to incur the danger of being
very absurd in order to show the genuineness of my pet
patent in Heraldry. I know it is very stupid to explain a
joke, and extremely pedantic to make a great display of
knowing a little ; but, as I am temporarily discoursing of
asses and Englishmen, think I am excusable for indulging
in a little folly and considerable ostentation. So ye learned
and uninitiated, have at ye all: here goes. When vfe
Heralds speak of party per ndmU or and vert^ we intend to
convey the idea of the field of the escutcheon being divided
into two parts, by a wavy, irregular sort of line ; one side
is colored, or gold ; the other vert^ or green. The gold al-
ludes to the riches of the new-made knight, and the green
to the refreshing verdancy of every thing aristocratic. The
sinister base is the left-hand corner of the shield ; and the
mammoth caldron, which occupies the identical corner of
our coat of arms, is intended vaguely to intimate the origin
of our ennobled soapmaker. Crides and azure mean red
and blue, the colors the big kettle was painted, indicative
of the fancy tendency of the manufacturer's notions as he
grew rich. The honor point is a position in the upper
portion of the dividing line.' The ass ramparU-regardant^
is an ass mounted on his hind legs and complacently look-
ing back at his tail, which appendage, in the case of our
animal, is appropriately decorated with bouquet and blue
ribbons, although somewhat singed and drooping on account
of the recent exodus from the soap-boiler< Of course this
principal figure on our escutcheon allegorically represents

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U5

tfae plamp ottii^i kimMlf. Tke aig-zag lines above alluded
to form the ladder bj which the luckj ass has climbed fr<na
his htimble beginoing, trough the meditim of his wealthy
to his present exalted position. From this happy half-wa/
place, this highest point in the hedge, which excli^des him
from the Eljsian fields of his aristocratic neighbors on the
other side, he exaltinglj snuffo his coming triumphs, and
brays an indignant adieu to all recollections of the past. It
is scarcely necessary to explain that the patch of trrfoil is
nothing more than our common clover, and that the five
peacocks in full pride are the five orders of nobility puffed
up to the utmost extent of p<Hnpoaity. In short, this de%t€T
portion of our escutcheon is intended to intimate that our
supremely happy ass, being let down from his diszy eleva^
ticm, will soon roll in clover with his noble betters.

The enormous profits of soap-making render it a favorite
road to the peerage. Whether the J^ngUsh are the cleanest
or the dirtiest people in the world does not aj^ear from
history, but certain it is that the consumption of soap in
that country has been very extraordinary since its being first
made in Bristol in 1524 Its 'lucrative advantages have
tempted kings to become monopolists in this branch of
trade, and many a greasy manufacturer has snugly floated
down the sluggish but certain stream of soft soap into an
aristocratic harbor. Indeed there is no one person or class
to whom tiie nobility are so much indebted for increase as
the soap-makers, if we except Oharles II. and the brewers.
Had the city &thers congratulated the merry monarch on
being the father of the nobility, instead of the people, Ro-
chester's reply would have been as true as it was witty,
when he said there was no doubt of his being the father of
a good many of them. For five of the twenty-two Dukes of
England owe their titles to being direct descendants of the
illegitimate children of Charles IL by his mistresses. But
15*

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146 ENOUH ISHB.

ikm mmp tihef ■ Mid ktvwets are &• eoa/ptmaden «f tira
gremt staple eommodiiiea ei eoDsamptitm in Great Bntain,
and therefore amrpaas eren Charles faimaelf in the nsmber of
tiieir additions to the peerage.

It ii^with the sinoerest r^ret that I see a growing dis-
peaitioii in my eonntryHieD to rig themselres oat in this
0B8t-off tmsel finely in ^Hiich the Heralds of Sngland are
anthoriied to array EngUriimen. It is with the deepest
aortifieation that I remenber how eagn; Mr. Smith and Mr.
Joiies are on airiving in Bi^land to msh to some antiqnarmn
bookstore, and, searching throvgh the ponderous f<^os of
Heraldry for the nnmerons families of Stniths and Joneses,
to select that coat of arms whieh they tiiink will look best
on a carriage dow, and adopt it as their own. I do not
mean to blame them for consulting the becoming in their
sdeetions, more eq>eoia]ly as they hare abont as mnc^ light
to one crest as another. I am fwoed to coi^ess that to see
an honest Republican tricked oat in the Heraldic motley,
that aristocratic lools of Great Britain cat their antics in, is
to me eminently ridicoloos and disgusting. I coidd join,
with heart and soul, the English press in lashing to thread-
bare .ccMifasion the absurdity of this haileqain masqu^nde.
It eyinces a weakness of character unworthy of American
isanhood.

Heraldry is absurd eren in England ; bat still it k «
legaliaed absurdity. They hare a formula of &Hy, ai^ hairo
rediioed nonsense to a smenoe. The edicts of the H^ralds^
CSollege are as solemn and as swioas as any other legal pro-
ceedings, and their decisions are as binding as those of the
courts of law. But here we have no such mummery. Coats
of arms are not legally established, and there is no institu-
tion to giye them validity. Every Smith and every Jones
can select the style of arms most saited to their fancy from
the numerous fiunilies of their nmnes in England. The

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HERALD&T. 347'

jaekdaw in his borrowed phimes wotQd be koposiDg oom^
pared with Smith strnttiDg in those he has stolen. Where
is the legal record in this country to determine which branch
of the Smiths he is descended from? Even though such
reeords might originally have been carefully preserved, they
must have perished from ceasing to be useful, after the
Revolution had made such things contemptible. He would
have been a bold man to brave the storm of derision that
must have assailed any individual boasting of being descend-
ed from a particular branch of the Smiths, because they
happened to be richer than the rest ; such miserable vanity,
was opposed to the genius of the new-^iade Republic, and
was not to be tolerated. A man would searcely have in-
curred the scorn of his countrymen for t^e solitary gratifica-
tion of a coat of arms. In abolishing titles our f(»refathers
rightly abolished their trashy appendages. But if co^ts of
arms be essential to our happiness and respectability, let us
revive titles, and establish a Heralds' College of our own, not
meanly pilfer gentility in pinches from England^s scanty store.
The nice young man who is guilty of such petty larceny
should be smothered in a bandbox of musk, as the only pun-
ishment worthy of such a deed.

There is also an increasing anxiety, in our upper circles,
as to what a man does — and who his father was. Provided
his pursuit and his parents be honesty the man should he
allowed to speak for himself. His possessing the mannera
and cultivation of a gentleman, and the means to support
the appearance of one, should be a sufficient passport into
any society, if there be nothing disreputable connected with
him. The position of his father should no more be regarded
as an apology for the blackguardism of the son, than the
obscurity of that parent should interfere with his advance-
ment. More honor is due the man who attains distinction
in defiance of the obstacles of "low birth and iron fortune."

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848 SNauAB XTms.

I( 10 ike mf B wLor eniioblM ^e occupaibn, and Bot the*
pation that esnobles the nuui. It is worse thaa ridicBloua
to exclude a man of intellect, and aoquirements from the
higher circles of society because his father mis a mechanic,
or because he has been one himself. It is absurd to attempt
to determine inexorably what occupations shall or shall not
be admitted into society. Such things regulate themselves
as naturally as water seeks a leyeL Men are unwilling to
expose their own deficiencies by intruding into circles where
they must suffer from contrast. And people are not goiog
to force themselves into assemblies where the coarseness of
-their manners or dress would atteact general observatiiMi.
They could not be coaxed into such positions, and it there-
fore beAmes unnecessary to pass laws for their exclneioii.
There is a decided inclination in many portions of our
country to attach undue importance to the ^' learned profiss*
aionsy" without regard to the individual qualificationa of
their members. And those professional gentlemen are most
inclined to presume upon this importance whose claims are
smallest. I have often felt amused by the airs of superiority
which very young lawyers and doctors are inclin^ to as-
sume. Although both professions are somewhat too much
given to this sort of thing, it is especially observaUe in pro*
vincial ^ members of the bar." The time required by moot
mea for familiarizing themselves with the technicidities and
legal obscurities with which lawyer-legislators have for
venal purposes loaded the statutes of every country, is not
greater than for learning suQcessfolly to cobble a worn pair
of shoes. And yet there are ignoramuses . preposterooa
enough to arrogate to themselves the infallibility of so
many Daniels, merely because they have memorised the
leading precepts of Blackstone. They seem to forget that
their great authority, invaluable in his way, does not neces-
sarily impart a knowledge of English literature ; tiiat be-

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HEBALDBY. 349 .

eause tkey atia able to ntse out a flaw in an indv^ineBt and
eh^t jastioe with her own tricks, is no absolute reason for
their having a discriminating taste in the fine arts — yet ia
their eyes to be a lawyer is to be all that is desiraUe.
Bidicolous as such claims must i^pear to all senuUe
people, they yield in folly to the weakness of those who are
deluded into the belief that there is more in them than
bombast ; and who stubbornly persist in the belief that all
lawyers must be oracles, and that all other people must be
foob.

Young lawyers and doctors appear principally to base
their pretensions upon a contemptible piece of tin, eighte^i
inches by six, which bears the curious inscription of ^ John
Smitii, attomey-at-law," or " Dr. John Jones." Yet it is
really quite amazing, what a superstructure of arrogant as-
sumption some of these learned gentlemen succeed in build-
ing upon so insignificant a foundation ; and I vn sorry to
find so decided a disposition in some of our Southwestern,
States, to humor such absurd presumption. In the incom-
prehensible technicalities of the law, in the Latinized jargon
of prescriptions, in drug-mixing and pill-rolling, I am free
to acknowledge that the learned professions far excel the
less enli^tened portion of their counlarymen. But, by what
process^ they are presumed to monopolize all the cultivation
and intellect of the country, continues one of those myste-
ries which fieushionable calculations only can solve. So long
as humanity is afflicted with such curses as lawsuits and
sore shins, lawyers and doctors must be considered eminently
useful members of society. But I am unwilling to concede
that a man must necessarily be destitute of all taste and
refinement, because he happens not to be familiar with the
operation of pounding a mortar, or writing a deed.

It is a feet, of which the legal profession may be justly
proud, that almost all of our greatest statesmen have. corn-

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990 sirausit itibms.

nenoed their career us lawyers. I acknowledge that the
application to books, wliioh ifl essential to their success as
lawyers, often excites that loye of general reading, which
almost always prodaces an elegantly-caltivated mind. But,
because an aspiring npstiirt has in his pocket' a sheepskin
permission to nonsuit his clients, that he must, in conse-
quence, have a refined taste and brilliant intellect, is much
more ridiculous in us to acknowledge, than for him to assert.
But this is one of the hallucinations peculiar to new states,
which tioie and more extended observation never fail to
correct. Attaching such importance to mere pursuits is too
much like the senseless respect of the English for birdi.
Because a man is a lawyer o^ doctor, is no better reason for
his being an elegant and well-read gentleman, than for a
descendant of the Duke of Marlborough being a hero.

Our republican institutions demand that the ma7i, with-
out regard to his fether or his profession, should speak for
himself If he be deficient in mind or manners, a distin-
guished fiither or a learned profession ought not to save him
from neglect ; as humble birth and lowly pursuit ought not
to hamper genius.

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AN EXPLANATION. 351

AN EXPLANATION.

The Church and State are as closely connected ifi abases
as in law. After reading of one, a person naturally
looks for the other. I had most certainly intended to de-
Tote a considerable portion of my book to the eorrnptions
imder the British Government^ but, in approaching them, I
find I am unable to treat them with the attention they so
richly deserve, and therefore prefer to omit them altogether,
rather than to review them hastily. They are as numerous
as startling, and would require a small book to expose them.
But I cannot forego the hope of referring more fully at some
future time to these outrages perpetrated by the State. My
readers have a right, I confess, to expect some exposition
here, and nothing but the want of space j)revents my doing
so. None but those intimately acquainted with their ex-
tent can realize the difficulty of compressing them into a
chapter.

THE END.

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