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AMIDST the multitudinous engagements of 
the writer he has, during the last twenty- 
two years, found time to collect the following 
curiosities of churchyards. The history of the 
collection might to some be interesting : it now 
forms a book of some bulk, but in its compilation 
only a minute or two now and then has been 
occupied. When the author has found himself in 
a village with a spare moment, he has frequently 
been engaged in perusing the literature of the 
churchyard. (Sometimes, much to his chagrin, 
he has been locked out, and so disallowed the 
indulgence of his desires.) Many curious verses 
have been thus collected in his travels up and 
down the country. 

At first the curiosities collected were simply 
intended for the author's own private amuse- 
ment ; they have now, however, swollen to such 
proportions that he has been induced to give 
them to the world. 

viii PREFACE. 

Here will be found the epitaphs of many noted 
persons, and some curious verses from all parts 
of the kingdom— the sad, serious, witty, and 
sublime have all found a place in the book ; but, 
whilst the collection embraces many that are suf- 
ficiently ludicrous, care has been taken to keep 
out all that would be offensive to polite ears. 

It has often been a matter of surprise to the 
writer that so much nonsense has been allowed 
to be engraved and erected in churchyards- 
showing, no doubt, that our clergymen have 
not that requisite authority in this matter which 
they should have. The burial-grounds of Roman 
Catholics are freer from such doggerel, from the 
fact that the priest supervises everything that is 
set up in their churchyards. 

For the collection here brought before the 
public the writer does not claim that it is ex- 
haustive, but that it forms an amusing miscel- 
lany, which may occasionally be read as an 
antidote to ennui by those who are suffering 
from that complaint. 


Lydney, gtk, July, 1873. 


THE remarks which are made here are in- 
tended to convey a kind of general im- 
pression of how dead bodies have been disposed 
of at different times and places. In this, how- 
ever, the writer wishes it to be distinctly 'under- 
stood that he does not profess to exhaust the 
subject — neither time, inclination, nor ability will 
allow him to undertake such a task ; he has no 
doubt, however, that what is here stated will be 
found correct, and it may be accepted, as far as 
it goes, as a contribution to the subject. 


The custom of placing the dead in coffins 


previous to burial was not prevalent, except with 
the Egyptians and Babylonians, in ancient times, 
as indeed it is not in some countries at the 
present time. When Lazarus was raised from 
the dead he was bound in grave- clothes, most 
likely such as are now used in Western Africa, 
where the practice is — not using coffins — to wrap 
the body in rolls of cloths, around the arms, legs, 
head, and feet : the ends of the cloth are sewed, 
or a narrow bandage is wound over the whole. 


The practice of embalming dead bodies was 
very common amongst the Egyptians in ancient 
times. After Jacob's death his body was em- 
balmed, and the Egyptians mourned for him 
seventy days. The modus operandi of embalming 
was to lay open the body, remove the intestines, 
and replace them with desiccative drugs and 
odoriferous spices. 

The anointing of dead bodies previous to 


interment was a custom prevailing amongst the 
Jews, and no doubt our Saviour referred to it 
when he said to the woman who poured a very 
precious ointment on his His head (Matt. xxvi. 
12), " She did it for my burial" 


Like our cemeteries of the present day, the 
Jewish burial-grounds were at a small distance 
from their cities and villages. The graves of the 
principal citizens were distinguished by having 
cupolas, or vaulted chambers, of three, four, or 
more square yards, built over them ; these fre- 
quently lay open, and afforded to passers-by 
shelter from the inclemency of the weather — 
hence the expression (Mark v. 3), " dwelling 
among the tombs." 

The places which the Hebrews appropriated 
for the burial of their dead were both public and 
private. Thus, in the twenty- third chapter of 
Genesis, we read that Abraham had for a posses- 


sion the field of Machpelah as a burying-place ; 
and again we read (Judges viii. 32) that Joash 
had a sepulchre, in which Gideon his son was 
buried ; and Samson was interred in the burying- 
place of his father Manoah (Judges xvi. 31). 
Asahel, likewise, was buried in the sepulchre of 
his father, which was in Bethlehem (2 Sam. ii. 
32). The bones of Saul and Jonathan his son 
were buried in the country of Benjamin, in Zelah, 
in the sepulchre of Kish, his father (2 Sam. xxi. 
14). So much for the private burial-places. 
Reference is made to public cemeteries in 
2 Kings xxiii. 6, where we read of " the graves 
of the children of the people"; and in Jere- 
miah xxvi. 23 we learn that the dead body of 
Urijah was cast into the graves of, the common 


The places of sepulture of the Jews were se- 
lected sometimes in gardens or fields, but more 


generally in hollow places, or in rocks or caves, 
and their sepulchres were whitewashed, for the 
sake of ornament and to prevent illness. 

The tombs in the necropolis of Sela were cut 
out of the sides of the rock surrounding the 
ancient city. 

The tombs of the prophets, referred to by our 
Saviour in Matt. xxiv. 29, situated on the west- 
ern declivity of the Mount of Olives, are large 
excavations having numerous cells to deposit 
bodies in. 

The sides of the Valley of Jehoshaphat are 
everywhere studded with tombs excavated in the 

The tombs of the kings, near Jerusalem, exhibit 
the remains of a magnificent edifice excavated 
from the solid rock (Bastow). 


The tumuli, mounds, or barrows, which have 
been found, we might almost say, in all quarters 


of the globe, are said to be the most ancient and 
general of all monuments to the dead : the re- 
searches of archaeologists of the present day 
show that they were places in which the ancients 
deposited their dead. The earliest we read of 
is that which was erected over the remains of 
Patroclus, the friend of Achilles, and in whose 
memory the Greeks established solemn funeral 
games. In the mounds of various parts of 
Assyria and Mesopotamia funeral vases and 
glazed earthen coffins are found piled up in 
great numbers. 


It is conjectured by some that the Egyptian 
Pyramids were erected for sepulchral purposes : 
the largest one is that which is supposed to 
contain the bones of Cheops, and we have read 
somewhere that 100,000 men worked without 
interruption for twenty years in building this 
enormous pyramid. 



The word mausoleum, now used to signify a 
sepulchral edifice, is from Mausolus, the King of 
Caria, who died 353 years before Christ, and 
whose Queen, Artemisia, caused to be erected to 
his memory the most splendid sepulchral monu- 
ment the world had seen, which was esteemed 
one of the seven wonders of the world. 


It has been customary in many countries to 
burn the dead, and to collect the ashes in urns. 
This custom of reducing the remains to ashes 
by fire still prevails in some parts, as will be seen 
in the sequel. 


The Guebers, or fire-worshippers, in Persia, do 
not bury their dead, but expose the bodies on 
rocks or the towers of their temples, to be eaten 
by birds. 



The burial customs of South Africa are singular : 
thus, in the country around Pungo Andongo the 
ancient burial-places of the Jinga are said to be 
simply large mounds of stones, with drinking and 
cooking utensils of rude pottery on them. 

The monuments are sometimes built up in a 
circular form, like hay-cocks, and contain no 
inscriptions. Amongst the people cross-roads 
seem to be much liked as sites for burial 


In Naples the disposition of the dead appears 
to be according to the wealth or poverty of the 
living, and the remains of one who dies with- 
out possessions are treated in a " raw " and 
"uncultivated'* manner. There are here two 
cemeteries, viz., Campo Santo Nuovo and Campo 

* For detailed particulars see Dr. Livingstone's Travels in Africa, 
PP- 359, 424, etc. 


Santo Vecchio, both on the north-east side of the 
city, situated not far from each other. 

Campo Santo Nuovo is situated on an eminence 
commanding a beautiful view of the city and the 
mountains : we might compare it to a garden full 
of shady trees and flowers, which fill the air 
with sweet narcotic perfumes. Here the grave 
monuments are to be seen in the form of streets, 
and arrange themselves in rows on both sides. 
Others stand isolated in groups, or like a small 
death-town. In Campo Santo Nuovo there are 
three classes of funerals, which are carried out 
with more or less luxury-, according to the price : 
the third class, for the poor, consists in simply 
placing the dead into a coffin — which is carried 
into effect at a cost of twenty francs. Those, 
however, who do not leave behind them this sum 
cannot be buried in Campo Santo Nuovo, but 
must be interred in Campo Santo Vecchio : this 
is the great paupers' churchyard of Naples ; who- 
ever may have witnessed a funeral here will not 


be likely to call the churchyard holy ground, but 
will compare it with a field where scavengers' 
sweepings are deposited, as the remains are here 
carelessly tipped out ; and this kind of funeral 
ceremony is performed by the Neapolitan Cor- 


In lieu of coffins boxes are used, into which 
the bodies are doubled, which, however, are not 
placed underground, but up trees : around the 
boxes are hung the property of the deceased, 
blankets, etc. Another way is to put the box 
into a tent, or house, with trinkets and household 
implements around, the box being supported by 
trestles. A third method is to place the body in 
a canoe. " On an island in the Columbia River 
there used to be quite a collection of canoes with 
such freights; and Deadman's Island, in Victoria 

* See article " Eine Statte des Entsetzens," in Garten Laube. 


Harbour, is another place where many of the 
bodies are placed in canoes." 

It is likewise customary amongst the Tsunp- 
sheans, the Takali, and most of the Southern 
Oregonia and Californian tribes, to burn the body, 
and either bury or hang up the ashes in the lodge : 
with the body is burnt the deceased's broken 
canoes, and such of his blankets as are not sold.* 


These subterraneous galleries are both singular 
and interesting, and offer the most valuable sources 
of study both to the archaeologist and theologian : 
here we learn the condition of the Christians in 
primitive times. These underground galleries 
were used as Christian places of burial, refuge, 
and worship from the end of the first century. 
There are about sixty catacombs, the largest 

* For a fuller description of these customs see Dr. Robert 
Brown's new and excellent work, the " Races of Mankind," pp. 107 
to III. 


of which has twenty miles of galleries, which 
branched off in every direction under the 

Altogether there are about 500 miles of pas- 
sages, containing about six millions of graves. 
Some of the underground chambers were deco- 
rated with coloured paintings, which gave 
interesting pictures of the system of the cata- 
combs — which were not used exclusively by 
Christians, but by Jews and Pagans as well. 

By a survey of these subterraneous passages 
we learn two great facts, viz., that the ancient 
Christians left no evidence that they worshipped 
martyrs or the Virgin Mary, or that they enter- 
tained the supremacy of the Pope. It was 
customary for both Pagans and Christians to put 
the emblems of their trade upon their tombs. 


That inscriptions on sepulchres were used in 
early times may be inferred from the 16th and 


17th verses of the xxiii. chap, of 2 Kings. 
Amongst the Greeks the honour of an inscription 
was only paid to the tomb of a hero. 

The tombs of the Romans were usually situated 
on the highway, and those who consecrated a 
tomb to their relations had the privilege of writ- 
ing thereon. Many of their epitaphs commenced 
with " Sta, viator!" to attract the attention of 
passers-by, which expression is to this day 
imitated by the English, who commence many of 
their verses with the words, Stop reader ! 

The epitaphs of the Romans were brief, simple, 
and familiar — three qualities which have been 
considered very desirable in this kind of litera- 
ture, and which might be introduced into other 
classes with benefit. 

The custom of placing inscriptions on tombs 
was introduced into England by the Romans, 
after their invasion of this country. Up to the 
end of the twelfth century Latin prevails on the 
tombs ; during the thirteenth and fourteenth cen- 


turies French was used ; but after that time the 
vernacular came into general use. 

The inscriptions on the tombs of the present 
day are of a very varied character, as we shall 
show in the following pages. 


The custom of inserting in the newspapers a 
special advertisement recording the death of 
friends is very common throughout Germany. 
The writer has just met with one of these an- 
nouncements, which, even for that country, is 
singular. The Leipzeger Tageblatt, in a recent 
number, records a death in the following 
manner : — 

" The day before yesterday, at the sixth hour, died 
my dearly beloved wife Pauline, maiden name Vorgt, 
after a short illness and six months of married happi- 
ness, in the 24th year of her age. Whoever knew her 
will be able to estimate my grief. Moritz Knofel prays 
for sympathy. 

N.B. — The business of my dear wife, at the weekly 


market, will be carried on as usual."— -From Londoner 
Zeitungy 14th June, 1873. 

Like that of England, the churchyard litera- 
ture is very various, and occasionally very droll. 
(See No. 346.) 


There are several books already before the 
public, written exclusively on epitaphian subjects. 
We may mention a few for example: — Webb's 
" Epitaphs," Pulleyn's Collection, "Wandlerunter 
Grabern, von Prediger, Hatzler," Freiburg, 181 7. 
Weber speaks of a " Launigten Grabschriften " of 
1786, of which we cannot state any particulars; 
and there is an old book called " Epitaphia joco- 
seria latina, gallica, italica, hispanica, lusitanica 
et belgica, collegitT. Swertius, Antwerp, 1645 " : 
two-thirds of this collection is in Latin, and 
many of the examples given are considered good. 
In Carl Julius Weber's " Demokritos " there is an 
essay entitled, "Weber Komische Grabschriften," 


from which a little matter has been borrowed in 
the writing of this introduction. The writer 
remembers having seen other collections, but 
cannot bring to mind, whilst he is writing, the 
correct titles of them. 

In the " Poet's Orchard," a poetical work by 
the Rev. Thos. Marsden, there are several original 
epitaphs given, which are remarkable for nothing 
perhaps excepting their simplicity. The following 
is a fair specimen : — 

Within this grave 
Lies William Brave. 

For more of the same sort the reader is referred 
to the work itself. 

Verses and quotations are often misplaced on 
tombstones. Charles Lamb, in a letter to Words- 
worth, 19th October, 18 10, gives an example of 
this sort, where he says that in Islington church- 
yard is to be seen an epitaph on an infant who 
died "-^Ltatis four months," with the following 


inscription appended: "Honour thy father and 
thy mother, that thy days may be long in the 
land," etc. ! The following is another specimen 
of the same description, copied by the writer 
from a stone in Pembrey churchyard : at first 
sight it was supposed to be a verse of poetry ; it 
turned out, however, to be four lines of Scripture 
and John Bunyan jumbled together: — 

Set thine house in order, 

For thou shalt die. 
Christian at the sight of 

Cross loses his burden. 

Lamb was not pleased with the nonsense that 
was to be met with in his day on tombstones, 
and in his New Year's Eve said, "I conceive 
disgust at those impertinent and misbecoming 
familiarities inscribed upon your ordinary tomb- 
stones." He evidently thought burial subjects 
should be treated in a more serious manner : he 
once said in a letter to Bernard Barton, 17th Sep- 



tember, 1823, that "satire does not look pretty 
upon a tombstone.' , He wanted the inscriptions 
to contain some useful lessons to the living, and 
in a letter to Mr. Coleridge, dated October 23rd, 
1802, says, "When men go off the stage so early, 
it scarce seems a noticeable thing in their epi- 
taphs whether they had been wise or silly in their 
lifetime.' ' We love to dwell on all that he has 
said on this subject, for there is always a hearti- 
ness about his expressions. Of his fine feelings 
and chaste words the following is an example. 
In a letter to Mr. Manning he sent an epitaph 
which he scribbled over on a " poor girl, who 
died at nineteen, a good girl, and a pretty girl, 
and a clever girl, but strangely neglected by all 
her friends : " — 

Under this cold marble stone 

Sleep the sad remains of one 

Who, when alive, by few or none 

Was loved, as loved she might have been, 

If she prosperous days had seen, 

Or had thriving been, I ween. 


Only this cold funeral stone 

Tells she was beloved by one 

Who on the marble graves his moan. 

Women sometimes wish for an opportunity to 
be revenged on their husbands. As an example 
of this we may relate that the wife of a man 
named Baldwin, of Lymington, Hampshire, had 
made a vow " to dance over his grave" — they 
had not lived happily together. To defeat her 
design Baldwin left special instructions that his 
body should be sunk in the sea in Scratchall's 
Bay, off the Needles, Isle of Wight; and it 
appears his body was so disposed of on the 20th 
May, 1736, as the parochial register of Lyming- 
ton records. 

Many epitaphs are repeated in different church- 
yards ; and as to " Affliction sore long time I 
bore," the writer does not know where it is not 
to be found, as many as a dozen copies of it 
having been found in some churchyards. The 
blacksmith's epitaph : " My sledge and hammer 


lie declined," may be found in Carisbrooke, 
Isle of Wight, Felpham in Sussex, Westham 
in Essex, Chipping Sodbury, and Houghton, 

" She was but reason forbids me to say what," 
although a strange verse for a gravestone, is to 
be found in several places — as Monkwearmouth, 
Swansea, Clerkenwell, Lambeth, and Bolton. 
(See Nos. 4, 189, 292, 329, and 337.) 

The provincialism of a district may frequently 
be detected in country churchyards ; thus, when 
the poet rhymes praise with rise, we may be pretty 
sure in guessing him to be a Gloucestershire 
man, though we might be unable to fix him at 
Wapley, where the lines are engraved. The 
verse runs thus : — 

Now at that great and joyful day, 

When all men must arise, 
I hope to be amongst the just, 

A singing of His praise. 

The same thing may be detected at Berkeley, 


where the poet makes day and key to rhyme. 
(See 356.) 

Of epigrammatic epitaphs there are many: that 
on a Cardinal is the best we have met with : — 

Here lies a Cardinal, who wrought 

Both good and evil in his time ; 
The good he did was good for nought ; 

Not so the evil! that was prime. 

In Bath Abbey is to be found the following 
gentle piece of satire : — 

These walls, adorned with monumental bust, 
Shew how Bath waters serve to lay the dust. 

A couplet which reminds us of the Cheltenham 
epitaph : — 

Here lies I and my three daughters, 
Kill'd by drinking Cheltenham waters ; 
Had we a' stuck to Epsom-salts 
We'd not a bin lying in these 'ere vaults. 

And not to burden our readers with French 


epitaphs, we are tempted to give one, which is, 
like many others, very amusing : — 

Ci-git mon oncle Etienne, 
S'il est bien, qu'il s'y tienne!* 

There is in Erfurt an interesting epitaph, of 
which Luther speaks in his "Table Talk," and 
which is grounded on a historical fact : — 

Hier unter diesem. Stein 
Liegt begraben allein 
Der Vater und seine Tochter, 
Der Bruder und seine Schwester, 
Der Mann und sein Weib. 
Und sein doch nur zwei Leib ! f 

* Which may be freely rendered thus : — 

Beneath our feet lies dear old uncle Stephen, 
If he's all right, he will not be for leaving ! 

t Here, beneath this stone, 
Lie buried alone 
The father and his daughter. 
The brother and his sister, 
The man and his wife, 
And only two bodies . 


Without attempting an explanation, we leave 
this riddle to be solved by our readers, after 
which they may peruse, the French one, No. 1 24 
of this collection. 

There is satire in that on a German Doctor : — 

Hier, ruht mein lieber Arzt, Herr Grimm, 
Und, die er heilte, neben ihm.* 

And the couplet following is not without some 
wit : — 

Befreie doch mich arme Gruft, 

O Wanderer, von diesem Schuft ! f 

Both the English and the French have a parellel 
for the German lines which record the calm state 
of mind of a bereaved husband : — 

* Here lies my adviser, Dr. Grimm, 
And those he healed — near him. 

t In this case a literal translation cannot be given in rhyme, but 
it may be rendered thus : — 

We hope the wanderer now is willing 
To free the grave from this great villain. 


Mein Weib deck't dieser Grabstein zu, 
Fur ihre und fur meine Ruh ! * 

* Here lies my wife, 

A fact that must tell 
For her repose 
And for mine as well. 


i. From Preston Churchyard, near Weymouth: — 

One and forty years 

In wedlock we have been ; 
Ten children we have had, 

But one is to be seen. 

2. On an Avaricious Man : — 

At rest beneath this churchyard stone 

Lies stingy Jemmy Wyatt ; 
He died one morning just at ten, and 

Saved a dinner by it. 

3. From Bideford Churchyard : — 

The wedding-day appointed was 
And wedding clothes provided ; 

But ere that day did come, alas ! 
He sickened, and he — dided ! 


4. From Monkwearmouth Churchyard : — 

In Memory oF Sarah WiLLock WiFe of John Wil- 
lock. Wo Died August 15, 1825, Aged 48 Years, She 
was But Reason ForBids me to Sa what But think what 
a woman should Be and she was that. (See 189, 292.) 

5. From a Graveyard in Cheraw, South Caro- 

lina, and elsewhere : — 

My name, my country, what are they to thee ? 
What, whether high or low my pedigree ? 
Perhaps I far surpassed all other men ; 
Perhaps I fell below them all, — what then ? 
Suffice it, stranger, that thou seest a tomb ; 
Thou know'st its use : it hides — no matter whom. 

6. From a Welsh Churchyard : — 

Life is an inn upon a market-day : 

Some short-pursed pilgrims breakfast and away ; 

Some do to dinner stay, and get full fed, 

And others after supper steal to bed ; 

Large are the bills who linger out the day, 

The shortest stayers have the least to pay. 

7. From Llangerrig Churchyard, Montgomery- 

shire : — 


O earth, O earth, observe this well — 
That earth to earth shall come to dwell ; 
Then earth in earth shall close remain 
Till earth from earth shall rise again. 

8. From the same place : — 

From earth my body first arose 
But here to earth again it goes, 
I never desire to have it more 
To plague me as it did before. 

9. The following lines, said to have been written 

by Shakespeare, are inscribed on a flat stone 
which marks the spot where he is buried in 
the churchyard of Stratford -on- Avon : — 

Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbeare 
To dig the dust enclosed here. 
Blessed be he that spares these stones, 
And curst be he that moves my bones. 

10. On a Country Sexton : — 

Here lies old Hare, worn out with care, 

Who whilom tolled the bell ; 
Could dig a grave, or set a stave, 

And say Amen full well. 


For sacred songs he'd Sternhold's tongue, 

And Hopkin's eke also ; 
With cough and hem he stood by them, 

As far as lungs would go. 
Many a feast for worms he drest, 

Himself then wanting bread ; 
But, lo ! he's gone, with skin and bone 

To starve 'em now he's dead. 
Here take his spade, and use his trade, 

Since he is out of breath ; 
Cover the bones of him who once 

Wrought journey-work for Death. 

ii. On a Baker: — 

Richard Fuller lies buried here : 

Do not withhold the crystal tear ; 
For when he lived he daily fed 
Woman, and man, and child with bread, 
But now, alas ! he's turn'd to dust, 
As thou, and I, and all soon must ; 
And lies beneath this turf so green, 
Where worms do daily feed on him. 

12. On John So. 

The following lines were some years ago 
found among the papers of an old man of the 


name of John So, who passed the greater part of 
his life in obscurity, within a few miles of Port 
Glasgow; and the handwriting leads to the 
conclusion that it was written by himself: — 

So died JOHN So, 
So so did he so ? 
So did he live, 
And so did he die ; 
So so did he so ? 
And so let him lie. 

13. On the Provost of Dundee. 

Some years since a Mr. Dickson, who was 
provost of Dundee, in Scotland, died, and by will 
left the sum of one guinea to a person to com- 
pose an epitaph upon him ; which sum he directed 
his three executors to pay. The executors, 
thinking to defraud the poet, agreed to meet and 
share the guinea amongst them, each contribut- 
ing a line to the epitaph, which ran as follows: — 

First. — Here lies DlCKSON, Provost of Dundee. 
Second. — Here lies Dickson, Here lies he. 


The third was put to it for a long time, but 
unwilling to lose his share of the guinea, voci- 
ferously bawled out : — 

Hallelujah — halleluje. 

14. From Marnhull Churchyard : — 

Remember me as you pass by ; 
As you are now so once was I. 
As I am now, so you must be, 
Therefore prepare to follow me. 

Underneath these lines some one wrote in blue 

paint: — 

To follow you I'm not content, 
Unless I knew which way you went. 

15. On an Innkeeper at Eton : — 

Life's an inn, my house will show it — 
I thought so once, but now I know it. 
Man's life is but a winter's day : 
Some only breakfast and away ; 
Others to dinner stay, and are full fed ; 
The oldest man but sups and then to bed ; 
Large is his debt who lingers out the day ; 
He who goes soonest has the least to pay. 


There is more than one example of this 
epitaph extant. No. 6 appears to be an abbrevi- 
ation of it. Tne two first lines here are like the 
epitaph said to have been written by Gay. (See 
No. 171.) 

16. On a Lawyer and his Client : — 

God works wonders now and then : 
Here lies a lawyer and an honest man. 

Answered : — 

This is a mere law quibble, not a wonder : 
Here lies a lawyer, and his client under. 

17. From a Churchyard in Devonshire : — 

For me deceased, weep not, my dear ; 
I am not dead, but sleepeth here ; 
Your time will come — prepare to die ; 
Wait but a while, you'll follow I. 

1 8. From a Burial-ground in the Crimea ; 

Sacred to the memory of FREDERICK SPRATT, private, 
Royal Marines, late of Her Majesty's Ship BelleropJwn, 
who departed this life on the 21st April, 1855, at the 
age of 36 years : — 


Here lies an old soldier, whom all must applaud : 
He fought many battles both at home and abroad ; 
But the fiercest engagement he ever was in, 
Was the battle of self in the conquest of sin. 

19. By George Joblix, Shoemaker, of Wallsend, 
intended for his own tombstone : — 

My cutting-boards to pieces split, 

My size-stick measures no more feet, 

My lasts are broke all into holes, 

My blunted knife cuts no more holes, 

My fuddling caps to thrums are wore, 

My apron is to tie my store, 

My welt ties out, my awls are broken, 

And merry glees are all forgotten. 

No more I'll use black ball or rozin, 

My copperas and my shop-tub's frozen. 

No more I'll have occasion for course of work, 

Nor count dead horse, or kick the kirk. 

My pinchers are with age grown smooth, 

And bones grow little worth ; 

My lapstone's broke, my colour's done, 

My gum-glass's broke, my paste is run, 

My hammer-head's broke off the shaft ; 

No more Saint-Monday with the craft. 

My nippers, tack, strap, and rag, 



And all my kit has got the bag ; 

My ends are sewn, my pegs are driven, 

And now I'm on the tramp to heaven. 

20. From Houghton Churchyard, Hunts : — 

My sledge and hammer lie declined, 
My bellows, too, have lost their wind ; 
My fire is spent, my forge decay'd, 
My vice is on the dust all laid ; 
My coal is spent, my iron gone, 
My nails are drove, my work is done ; 
My fire-dried corpse here lies at rest, 
My soul, smoke-like, soars to be blest. 

21. On an Italian : — 

I was well, 

Wished to be better, 

Took physic and died ! 

22. Counsel to all : — 

Live well — die never : 
Die well — live for ever. 

This is said to be in Kingston Churchyard, 



23. On E. N. :— 

At the Ester end of this free stone here doeth ly the 
Letle Bone of Walter Spurrer that fine boy that was his 
friends only joy. He was Drouned at Melhams Bridg. 
the 20th of August 169 1. 

24. On an Infidel : — 

Here lies a dicer long in doubt 
If death could kill his soul or not ; 
Here ends his doubtfulness, at last 
Convinced — but, oh ! the die is cast ! 

25. From a Grindstone now in use near Bridge- 
house : — 

Here lies the body of Fanny, the daughter of John 
Howard, who departed this life the 8th day of February, 
1774, in the fifth year of her age. 

The explanation given is that the gravestone 
was carried by a flood in the Calder from Pippon- 
den to the spot near which it is now used. 

26. From a pane of glass o f a Somersetshire 
Inn : — 


Here lies Tommy Montague, 
Whose love for angling daily grew ; 
He died regretted, while late out, 
To make a capture of a trout. 

.27. From Ockham Churchyard: — 

Though many a sturdy oak he laid along, 
Felled by Death's surer hatchet, here lies SPONG. 
Posts he oft made, yet ne'er a place could get, 
And lived by railing, though he had no wit. 
Old saws he had, although no antiquarian ; 
And stiles corrected, yet was no grammarian. 

28. On a Watchmaker, in Lydford Churchyard, 
on the borders of Dartmoor : — 

Here lies, in horizontal position, 

the outside case of 

George Routleigh, watchmaker ; 

Whose abilities in that line were an honour 

to his profession. 

Integrity was the Mainspring, and prudence the 


of all the actions of his life. 

Humane, generous, and liberal, 

his Hand never stopped 


till he had relieved distress. 

So nicely regulated were all his motions, 

that he never went wrong, 

except when set a-going 

by people 

who did not know his Key : 

even then he was easily 

set right again. 

He had the art of disposing his time so well 

that his hours glided away 

in one continual round 

of pleasure and delight, 

till an unlucky minute put a period to 

his existence. 

He departed this life 

Nov. 14, 1802, 

aged 57 : 

wound up, 

in hopes of being taken in hand 

by his Maker ; 

and of being thoroughly cleaned, repaired, 

and set a-going 

in the world to come. 

29. On a Miser: — 

Here lies one who lived unloved, and died unlamented ; 


who denied plenty to himself, assistance to his friends, 
and relief to the poor; who starved his family, oppressed 
his neighbours, and plagued himself to gain what he 
could not enjoy. At last, Death, more merciful to him 
than he was to himself, released him from care, and his 
family from want ; and here he lies with the unknown 
he imitated, and with the soil he loved, in fear of a re- 
surrection, lest his heirs should have spent the money he 
left behind, having laid up no treasure where moth and 
rust do not corrupt, or thieves break through and steal. 

30. From Royton Churchyard. 

John Kay, a Lancashire mathematician, died 
on the 31st December, 1824, in the 43rd year of 
his age. His remains were interred in Royton 
Churchyard, and the place where he rests is 
marked by a plain stone, bearing the following 
inscription : — 

In mathematics soared his noble mind, 
Peace robed his soul — he felt for all mankind ; 
He loved true virtue, but disliked vain pride ; 
Truth was his aim, and reason was his guide. 

31. On a Miser (See Nos. 2, 29, etc.) : — 


Iron was his chest, 

Iron was his door, 
His head was iron, 

And his heart was more. 

32. On a London Cook: — 

Peas to his Hashes ; 

meaning of course, 
Peace to his ashes. 

33. From Bath. 

On the interior walls of the Widcombe Church, 
Bath, are a few monuments of interest, from 
which the following, dated February, 1610, is 
taken : — 

Die Februari, 16 10. 
Jane Gay, of Eyles, here lies under this, 
Whom many loved living, whom died many mise ; 
A wife she was, of right honest skill, — 
Though here she lyes dead, her fame liveth still. 

In the present Church of St. Mary Magdalen, 
of the same city, which was repaired in 1760, 
and again enlarged by the addition of a chancel 


in the years 1823 and 1824, is a small building 
erected by Prior Cantlow, between the years 
1489 and 1499, with a small battlemented turret 
for a bell at the west end, and a south porch, in 
which is the following incised inscription in black 
letter : — 

Thys. chapell. floryschyd wt. formasyte. spectabyll. 
In. the. honore. of M. Magdalene, prior Cantlow. hath 
Desyring. you. to. pray. for. hym wt. youre. pr'yers.- 
That. sche. will, inhabyt. hym. in. hevyn. there, ever, to 

34. From a Tombstone in Ireland : — 

Here lies the body of JOHN MOUND, 
Lost at sea and never found. 

This is comparable with the Welsh one, No. 1 76. 

35. From a Cemetery near Cincinnati : — 

Here lies . 

who came to this city and died 
for the benefit of his he alt J 1. 


36. From an Irish Churchyard. 

Patrick O'Brien was one day strolling with a 
friend through a graveyard, when his eye was 
arrested by an epitaph which shocked his sense 
of propriety and veracity : it ran thus : — 

Weep not for me, my children dear ; 
I am not dead, but sleeping here. 

" Well," said Paddy, " if I was dead I should 
be honest enough to own it." 

37. From America. 

Both the Irish and Americans give us something 
to laugh at when they handle epitaphian matters. 
The following is from a tombstone in Oxford, 
New Hampshire : — 

To all my friends I bid adieu ; 
A more sudden death you never knew ; 
As I was leading the old mare to drink, 
She kick'd and kill'd me quicker 'n a wink. 

In Whitby Churchyard there is an epitaph, the 


sentiment of which is very similar to this. (See 
No. 194.) 

38. From St. Peter's Churchyard, Barton : — 

Doom'd to receive half my soul held dear, 
The other half with grief she left me here. 
Ask not her name for she was true and just ; 
Once a fine woman, now a heap of dust. 

No name is recorded on the stone, but the 
year 1777 is given as the date. A curious and 
romantic legend attaches to the epitaph. In the 
above year an unknown lady of great beauty, 
who was conjectured to have loved "not wisely, 
but too well," came to reside in the town. She 
was accompanied by a gentleman, who left her 
after making lavish arrangements for her comfort. 
She was proudly reserved in her manners, fre- 
quently took long solitary walks, and studiously 
avoided all intercourse. She died in giving birth 
to a child, and without disclosing her name or 
family connexions. After her decease, the gentle- 


man who came with her arrived, and was over- 
whelmed with grief at the intelligence which 
awaited him. He took the child away without 
unravelling the secret, having first ordered the 
stone to be erected, and delivered into the 
mason's hands the verse, which is at once a 
mystery and a memento. 

39. On Lord Brougham. 

It is said that this distinguished nobleman, 
once in a playful mood, wrote the following 
epitaph for himself: — 

Here, reader, turn your weeping eyes, 

My fate a useful moral teaches ; 
The hole in which my body lies 

Would not contain one half my speeches. 

40. From a Montgomeryshire Churchyard. 

In this churchyard there are some remarkably 
large yew trees ; beneath one of them is a grave- 
stone with the following inscription : — 


Under this yew-tree 
Buried would I be, 
For my father and me 
Planted this yew-tree. 

<fi. From Gloucester. 

On a youth of the name of Calf, who was 
buried in Gloucester Cathedral : — 

Oh, cruel death, more subtle than the Fox, 
To kill this Calf before he came an Ox ! 

(Note by W. F.) 

The writer has an idea that there is a German 
epitaph similar to this, as there certainly is one 
in French : — 

Ci-git le jeune Jean LE Veau 

Sans devenir Bceuf ou Taureau. 

Which may be rendered : — 

John Calf, junior, lieth here, 
Without becoming Ox or Steer. 

42. On a Poet : — 

Here let a bard unenvied rest, 
Who no dull critic dares molest ; 


Escaped from the familiar ills 
Of thread-bare coat and unpaid bills ; 
From rough bum-bailiffs' upstart duns, 
From sneering pride's detested sons, 
From all those pest'ring ills of life, 
From, worse than all, a scolding wife. 

43. On a Surgeon : — 

Here lies in repose, after great deeds of blood, 

An hospital surgeon thorough, 
Who bled for his own and his country's good, 

And St. Thomas's Hospital, Borough. 

44. From Hordle, near Lymington. 

The Poacher's Friend. — In the churchyard of 
Hordle there was erected, in 1858, a granite 
obelisk to the memory of the late J. Collett, 
Esq., who will be remembered for his strong 
antagonism to the Game Laws, supporting his 
views by almost indiscriminately paying the fines 
inflicted on parties convicted of poaching whose 
cases were brought under his notice. Besides 


recording the date of his death, etc., the obelisk 
has the following inscription : — 

Ci-git l'ami du Braconnier. 

Here lies the friend of the poacher. 

45. From Bath Abbey: — 

Near this place 

lie interred the remains of Mary 

Ann, second Daughter 

of George Watts, Esq., and Ann his wife, 

who died (after a lingering illness) 

February 14th, 18 13, Aged 15. 

She lived beloved 

And died lamented. 

46. On Lady Miller, in Bath Abbey : — 

Near this monument are deposited the Remains of 

Lady Miller, 

Wife to Sir John Miller, Bart, of Bath-Easton Villa. 

She departed this life, at the Hotwells of Bristol, the 24th 

June, 1781, in the Forty-first year of her Age. 

Devoted Stone ! amidst the wrecks of Time, 
Uninjured bear thy Miller's spotless Name : 


The Virtues of her Youth, and ripen'd Prime, 
The tender thought, th' enduring Record claim. 

When clos'd the numerous eyes that round this Bier 
Have wept the Loss of wide-extended Worth ; 

O, gentle Stranger, may one gen'rous Tear 
Drop, as thou bendest o'er this hallow'd Earth. 

Are Truth and Genius, Love and Pity, thine ? 

With lib'ral Chanty, and Faith sincere ? 
Then rest thy wandering Step beneath this shrine ; 

And greet a kindred Spirit hov'ring near. 

47. On James Quin, in Bath Abbey. 

Underneath his bust is the following inscrip- 
tion : — 

.«tat : lxxiii. 

That tongue which set the table on a roar, 

And charm 'd the public ear, is heard no more : 

Clos'd are those eyes, the harbinger of wit, 

Which spake before the tongue what SHAKESPEAR 

Cold is that hand, which living was stretched forth, 
At friendship's call, to succour modest worth ; 


Here lies JAMES QUIN : deign, reader, to be taught, 
Whate'er thy strength of body, force of thought, 
In nature's happiest mould however cast, 
To this complexion thou must come at last. 

D. Garrick. 

48. On John Collier, alias Tim Bobbin, the 
Lancashire Poet. 

He was a native of Rochdale, and his tomb- 
stone bears the following inscription : — 

Here lies John, and likewise Mary, 
Cheek by jowl and never weary ; 
No wonder they so well agree, 
John wants no punch, nor Moll no tea. 

49. On Margery Scott, in the Churchyard of 
Dalkeith, near Edinburgh : — 

Stop ! Reader, stop ! until my life you've read ; 
The living may gain knowledge from the dead. 
Five times five years I lived a virgin's life, 
Ten times five years I was a virtuous wife, 
Ten times five years I lived a widow chaste, 
Now tired of this mortal life— I rest. 


I from my cradle to my grave have seen 
Eight mighty Kings of Scotland, and a Queen ; 
Four times five years the Commonwealth I saw, 
Ten times the subjects rose against the Law. 
Twice did I see the old Palaces pulled down, 
And twice the cloak was humbled by the gown ; 
An end of Stewart's vivid law — nay, more, 
I saw my country sold for English ore. 
Such desolations in my time have been, 
I have an end of all perfection seen. 

50. On Francis Grose. 

Grose was an Author of some Topographical 
works — a fact which gave the writer of his epitaph 
the opportunity of punning as follows: — 

Here lies Francis GROSE. 

On Thursday, May 12, 1791, 

Death put an end to 

His views and prospects ! 

51. From old Grey Friars, at Edinburgh : — 

Here snug in grave my wife doth lie ; 
Now she's at rest and so am I. 


Several epitaphs of a similar description are to 
be met with in different parts of the world — 52, 
for example, is from our Antipodes. No. 53 may, 
however, have the preference, as it is simply a 
quotation from the Sacred Scriptures. 

1 52. From an Australian Graveyard: — 

Here lies my wife POLLY, a terrible shrew; 
If I said I was sorry, I should lie too. 

According to Major Austin, this is to be seen 
in Pere-la- Chaise. 

53. From a Churchyard in Sussex: — 

Here lies the body of Sarah, wife of John , 

who died 24th March, 1823, aged 42 years. 

" The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away : 

blessed be the name of the Lord." 

54. I have not been able to trace the origin of the 
following, so give it merely as it was com- 
municated to me : — 

Here lies my wife EDIE, 

Who in her time made me giddy ; 


Here she lies without bed or blanket, 

As dead as a door-nail, — the Lord be thanked. 

55. On Honest Ned: — 

Here lies Honest Ned, 

Because he is dead. 

Had it been his father, 

We had much rather ; 

Had it been his mother, 

We had rather than the other ; 

Had it been his sister, 

We ne'er should have miss'd her : 

But since it is only Ned, 

There's no more to be said. 

It is said that a similar epitaph was suggested 
for Frederick, Prince of Wales, the father of 
George III. (See likewise No. 103.) 

56. From the Cathedral Yard, Winchester: — 

Here rests in peace a Hampshire grenadier, 
Who killed himself by drinking poor small beer. 
Soldiers, be warned by his untimely fall, 
And when you're hot drink strong, or none at all. 

The memorial having fallen into decay in 1781, 


it was then restored at the expense of some 
officers, who added the following couplet : — 

An honest soldier never is forgot, 
Whether he die by musquet or by pot. 

57. From a Welsh Churchyard : — 

Two lovely babes lie buried here, 
As ever bless'd their parents dear ; 
But they were seized with ague fits, 
And here they lie as dead as nits. 

58. On Daniel Saul, formerly in St. Dunstan's, 
Stepney : — 

Here lies the body of Daniel Saul, 
Spitalfields weaver — and that's all. 

A similar couplet is to be" found in Addison's, 

Spectator : — 

Here lies John Hall, 
Spitalfields weaver — and that's all. 

59. From a Graveyard near Birmingham : — 



Oh, cruel Death ! why wert thou so unkind, 

To take the one, and leave the other behind ? 

Thou should'st have taken both or neither, 

Which would have been more agreeable to the survivor. 

60. From Grantham Churchyard : — 

JOHN PALFRYMAN, which lieth here, 
Was aged twenty-four year ; 
And near this place his mother lies, 
Also his father when he dies. 

61. From a Churchyard near Salisbury : — 

Oh ! Sun, Moon, Stars, and ye celestial Poles ! 
Are graves, then, dwindled into Button-holes f 

62. On Dr. Bancroft, Archbishop of Canterbury. 

He was of a very covetous disposition, — a fact 

that appears not to have been overlooked in 

writing his epitaph : — 

Here lies his Grace, in cold clay clad, 
Who died for want of what he had. 

63. From Chichester Cathedral. On a Crier of 

Periwinkles : — 


11 Periwinks, Periwinkles ! " was ever her cry ; 
She laboured to live, poor and honest to die. 
At the last day again how her old eyes will twinkle ! 
For no more will she cry, " Periwinks, Periwinkle ! " 
Ye rich, to virtuous want regard pray give ; 
Ye poor, by her example, learn to live. 
Died Jan. i, 1786, Aged 77. 

64. On Miss Long : — 

She was a beautiful young lady, but so short 
that she was, when alive, called the " Pocket 
Venus.' ' The epitaph concluded, alluding to 
her when alive : — 

Though LONG, yet short, 
Though short, yet pretty Long. 

65. From St. Paul's, Covent Garden. On Mr. 
James Worsdale : — 

Eager to get, but not to keep the pelf, 
A friend to all mankind — except himself. 

As a contrast to this we submit the following: — 

66. On a Miser : — 


Here lies old Sparges, 
Who died to save charges. 

67. On Robert Burns. 

Robert Burns was born on the 25th of January, 
1759, on the banks of the Doon, about two miles 
from Ayr. He died at Dumfries on the 21st of 
July, 1796, aged 37 years and about 6 months, 
leaving a widow and four sons. The following 
is his epitaph : — 

Consigned to earth, here rests the lifeless clay, 

Which once a vital spark from Heaven inspired ! 
The lamp of genius shone full bright as day, 

Then left the world to mourn its light retired. 
While beams that splendid orb which lights the spheres, 

While mountain streams descend to swell the main, 
While changeful seasons mark the rolling years — 

Thy fame, O BURNS, let Scotia still retain. 

68. From Barton Stacey Churchyard, Hants. 

On Mr. John Collince : — 

Where 'twas I liv'd or dy'd, it matters not ; 
To whom related, or by whom begot ; 


I was, but am not ; ask no more of me ; 
It's all I am, and all that you must be. 


69. On a Country Sexton : — 

He that carried many a body brave, 
Was carried by a fever to the grave ; 
He carried, and was carried ; that's even : 
Lord ! make him Porter to the gates of Heaven! 

70. From Bishop Cumming's Churchyard, 
Wilts: — 

At my right hand lies my son JOHN, 

As we did lay in bed ; 
And there do lay till Christ do say, 

" Come out ye dead." 

71. On a Famous Boxer: — 

Death took him in the Upper View, 

And gave him such a Brace ; 
The grapple turn'd him black and blue, 

And made him shift his place. 
' Parts of access he next assailed, 

With such a Knock-down BLOW 
As never yet to mortals fail'd 

A total overthrow. 


72. On the Wife of Dr. Greenwood. 

Mrs. Greenwood was buried in Southampton 
Churchyard, the following very singular lines 
having been written upon her by her husband : — 

O cruel Death ! thou hast cut down 

The fairest Green- WOOD in all this kingdom. 

Her virtue and her piety were such, 

That really she deserved a Lord or a Judge : 

Yet such was her humility, 

That she rather chose me, a Doctor in Divinity ; 

For which heroic action, join'd to all the rest, 

She deserves to be esteemed the Phcenix of her sex ; 

And like that bird her young she did beget, 

That those she left behind might not be disconsolate. 

And now, my grief for this good woman is so sore, 

That really I can write but four lines more. 

For this and for another good woman's sake, 

Never let a blister be applied to a lying-in woman's neck, 

For in all diseases of the bladder and the womb, 

It never fails to bring the patient to the tomb. 

Dr. Greenwood fecit. 

73. On John Baskerville. 

Extract from the very singular will of the late 


Mr. John Baskerville, a celebrated printer at 
Birmingham, who died in 1775, — together with 
his epitaph, written by himself: — 

My farther will and pleasure is, and I do hereby declare, 
that the devise of my goods and chattels, as above, is 
upon the express condition, that my wife, in concert 
with my executors, do cause my body to be buried in a 
conical building in my own premises, heretofore used as 
a mill, which I have lately raised higher and painted, 
and in a vault, which I have prepared for it. This 
doubtless to many will appear a whim; perhaps it is 
so, but it is a whim for many years resolved upon, as I 
have a hearty contempt of all superstition, the farce of a 
consecrated ground, the Irish barbarism of • sure and 
certain hopes," etc. As I also consider Revelatio?i y as it 
is called, exclusive of the scraps of morality casually 
intermixed with it, to be [we omit here a very indecent 
reflection]. I expect some shrewd remarks will be made 
on this my declaration by the ignorant and bigoted, who 
cannot distinguish between religion and superstition, and 
are taught the belief that morality (by which I understand 
all the duties a man owes to God and his fellow-creatures) 
is not sufficient to entitle him to Divine favour, without 
professing to believe (as they call it) certain absurd 
doctrines and mysteries, of which they have no more 


conceptions or ideas than a horse. This morality alone 
I profess to have been my religion, and the rule of my 
actions ; to which I appeal how far my profession and 
practice has been consistent. 

The Epitaph. 


Beneath this cone, in unconsecrated ground, 

A friend to the liberties of mankind directed his body 

to be inurned. 

May the example contribute to emancipate thy 


From the idle fears of Superstition, 

And the wicked Arts of Priesthood ! 

74. On a Landlord : — 

Hie Jacet Walter Gun, 
Sometime landlord of the Tun ; 

Sic transit gloria mundi I 
He drank hard upon Friday, 
That being a high day, 
Then took to his bed and died upon Sunday ! 

75. From St. Botolph's, Aldersgate: — 

Hie conjuncta suo recubat FRANCISCA marito ; 
Et cinis est unis ; quse fuit una caro, 


Hue cineres conferre suos soror Anna jubebat ; 

Corpore sic uno pulvere trina jacent. 
Sic Opifex rerum Omnipotens ; qui, trinus et unus, 

Pulvere ab hoc uno corpora trina dabit. 

Which may be rendered into English as fol 
lows : — 

Close to her husband, Frances, join'd once more, 
Lies here — One dust, which was One flesh before ; 
Here, as enjoin'd, her sister Anne's remains 
Were laid : One dust, three bodies thus contains. 
Th' Almighty Source of things, the immense Three-One, 
Will raise Three bodies from thy dust alone. 

76. From Clevedon, Somersetshire. 

The secluded village church of Clevedon, on 
the Bristol Channel, presented in January, 1859, 
a memorable and impressive scene, when the 
remains of the late Henry Hall am, the historian, 
were conveyed from Clevedon Court, the seat of 
Sir Arthur Hallam Elton, M.P., nephew of the 
deceased, to a grave which, through a mysterious 
inversion of the common order of succession, had 


Yieen already rendered classic ground by the 

ashes of his two gifted sons. The funeral was 

strictly private, but it accomplished that pious 

wish so touchingly expressed in the epitaph 

written by himself over his eldest son : — 


Dulcissime, dilectissime, desideratissime, 

Hie, posthac Pater ac Mater 

Requiescamus Tecum 

Usque ad Tuham. 

77. On a Spendthrift : — 

Stop, passenger, for here is laid 
One who the debt of nature paid. 
This is not strange, the reader cries, 
We all know here a dead man lies. 
You're right ; but stop, I'll tell you more : 
He never paid a debt before ; 
And now he's gone, I'll further say 
He never will another pay. 

78. From Horsleydown Church, Cumberland. 
The following is remarkable for its outspoken- 
ness : — 


Here lie the bodies of THOMAS Bond, and MARY 
his wife. She was temperate, chaste, and charitable, but 
she was proud, peevish, and passionate. She was an 
affectionate wife and tender mother, but her husband 
and child, whom she loved, seldom saw her countenance 
without a disgusting frown — while she received visitors 
whom she despised with an enduring smile. Her beha- 
viour was discreet towards strangers, but imprudent in 
her family. Abroad her conduct was influenced by good 
breeding, but at home by ill-temper. 

And so the epitaph runs on to a considerable 
length, acknowledging the good qualities of the 
poor woman, but killing each by setting against 
it some peculiarly remarkable trait. We confess 
that our feeling is quite turned in her favour by 
the unmanly assault which is made upon her by 
her brother, who is the author of the epitaph. 

79. From Marnhull Churchyard : — 

I in great haste was snatched away, 
Scarce having time to read or pray. 
Read as a warning with me to try 
And always be prepared to die. 


80. By Robert Herrick on Ben Jonson, who was 
born in 1574 and died in 1637. 

Here lies Jonson with the rest 

Of the poets, but the best. 

Reader, would'st thou more have known ? 

Ask his story, not the stone ; 

That will speak what this can't tell 

Of his glory ; so farewell ! 

81. From a Scotch Graveyard : — 

Here lies interr'd a man o' micht, 
His name was Malcolm Downie ; 
He lost his life, ae market nicht, 
By fa'in' off his pownie. 

82. By Dr. Goldsmith, on Thomas Parnell, the 

Poet: born in 1679; died, 17 17. 

This tomb, inscribed to gentle Parnell's name, 
May speak our gratitude, but not his fame. 
What art but feels his sweetly moral lay, 
That leads to truth through pleasure's flow'ry way ? 
Celestial themes confess'd his tuneful aid ; 
And heaven, that lent him genius, was repaid. 
Needless to him the tribute we bestow, 
The transitory breath of fame below ; 


More lasting rapture from his works shall rise, 
While converts thank their poet in the skies. 

83. By Robert Burns, on Robert Fergusson the 

Poet: born 1 75 1 ; died 1774. 

No sculptur'd marble here, nor pompous lay ! 

No storied urn, nor animated bust ! 
This simple stone directs pale Scotia's way 

To pour her sorrows o'er the poet's dust. 

84. From Eton College. 

The following is to be seen on an oblong brass 
plate, in Lupton's Chapel, Eton College : — 

Ano: 1372. August 18 daye. 
Under this stone lies Thomas Smith, late a fellow heare, 
And of Cambridge, a Master of Arte of ye King Colledge 

He did depart from earthly life, the time above exprest, 
Whose soule we hope dothe now remaine in Abram's 


85. On Sir Henry Wotton. 

In the same place (Eton) Sir Henry Wotton 


has the following curious epitaph, in the Latin 

language, inscribed above his grave : — 

Here lies the author of this sentence : 

An itching for dispute is the scab of the church. 

Seek his name elsewhere. 

86. By Douglas Jerrold on Charles Knight. 

After an evening of friendly talk with a party 
which included the late Douglas Jerrold and 
Charles Knight, between whom a close friend- 
ship had subsisted for many years, they walked 
homewards together. In the course of the evening 
the conversation had turned upon epitaphs, and 
Knight, half in jest, half in earnest, had asked 
the great wit to write his epitaph for him. The 
incident had escaped Knight's recollection, but 
on arriving at the point where they were to part 
each for his own house, it was recalled to his 
memory by Jerrold himself. " I've got the epitaph 
for you," said he. " Well, what is it ? " 

" Good Knight ! " 
And with that they parted. 


87. From St. John's Churchyard, Devizes : — 

Life's uncertain — Death is sure, 
Sin is the wound — Christ's the cure. 

Likewise in Llandovery and other churchyards. 
88. From St. Mary's Churchyard, York. 

On a young woman who was accidentally 

drowned, December 24th, 1696. The inscription 
is said to have been penned by her lover : — 

Nigh to the River Ouse, in York's fair city, 
Unto this pretty maid Death shewed no pity ; 
As soon as she'd her pail of water fill'd, 
Came sudden Death, and Life, like water, spill'd. 

89. On a Yorkshire Cook : — 

Underneath this crust 

Lies the mouldering dust 
Of Eleanor Batchelor Shoven, 

Well versed in the Arts 

Of pies, custards, and tarts, 
And the lucrative trade of the oven. 

When she lived long enough 

She made her last puff, 



A puff by her husband much praised, 

And now she doth lie 

And make a dirt pie, 
In hopes that her crust may be raised. 

90. On Mr. Pat Steel : — 

Here lies Pat Steel, 

That's very true. 
Who was he ? What was he ? 

What is that to you ? 

9 1 . On William Llewellyn, the Learned Collier 

of Mangotsfield, in Gloucestershire : — 

Beneath this humble turf there lies 
An honest collier, learn'd and wise ; 
His mind, by love of knowledge fired, 
To wisdom more than wealth aspired ; 
And thought it was a happy lot 
To dwell with knowledge in a cot. 
To latest life from early youth 
His search was philosophic truth ; 
And oft from nightly rest he stole 
To seek the charmer of his soul. 
In Nature's book, by nature taught, 
He learned to think as Newton thought ; 


And with an astronomic eye 

Measured the rolling orbs on high. 

He knew the courses, motions, reign, 

Of all the planetary train, 

And with precision just and clear 

Marked out the order of the year. 

To him were nature's treasures known, 

And science made them all his own. 

What though not wealth, nor honoured birth 

Distinguished him for men of earth — 

What though no state nor letter'd name 

Enrolled him in the list of fame — 

His soul aspired to nobler things, 

And left the world to lords and kings ! 

Content to enjoy the better part, 

A knowing head and honest heart. 

Accept, O sage, the tribute due, 

To worth so simply great as thine ; 
And let the learn'd with candour view 

What friendship offers at this shrine. 

92. From Churchill. 

In the church at Churchill, on the north side 
of the chancel, is a quaint monument, which, 
according to tradition, is an effigy of Sir John 


Latch (1644), dressed in a coat of buff, boots, 
and spurs, looking on his wife in a shroud ; 
beneath, on the front of the tomb, are seven boys 
and four girls kneeling on cushions. On the 
monument is the following quaint but beautiful 
inscription, said to have been written by the 
celebrated Dr. Donne : — 

Living and dead, thou seest how here we lie, 

I dote on death, preparing how to die. 

Ah, fleeting life ! she is gone. Aye, summons me 

Unto the grave, so will posterity; 

Though singling death the sacred knot undo, 

By parting two make one once more in two ; 

I see 'tis, Lord, by Thy Divine decree, 

Thus one by one to take us home to Thee ; 

Whose risen Christ doth us assurance give, 

He'll rouse this grave, and we with Him shall live ; 

He rich in grace, though poor in stable cratch — 

So have ye here — here laid up, Sarah Latch. 

93. From the Church of St. Mary, Wedmore. 

In this church, on an ancient monumental tablet, 
may be seen the following inscription : — 


6 9 

Sacred to the memorie of Captain Thomas Hodges, 
of the county of Somerset, esq. ; who at the siege of 
Antwerpe, about 1583, with unconquered courage, 
wonne two ensignes from the enemy, where, receiving 
his last wound, he gave three legacies : his soule to the 
Lord Jesus, his body to be lodged in Flemish earth, his 
heart to be sent to his dear wife in England : — 

Here lies his wounded heart, for whome 

One kingdom was too small a roome : 

Two kingdoms therefore have thought good to part 

So stout a body and so brave a heart. 

94. From the Churchyard of Cherening-le-Clay, 


A sorrowful husband, after recording the death 
of his beloved wife, Ann Hughes, ends in the 
following ridiculous manner : — 

Who far below this tomb doth rest, 
Has join'd the army of the blest. 
The Lord has ta'en her to the sky : 
The saints rejoice, and so do I. 

95. From Bristol Cathedral. 

On the monument of Mrs. Mason, wife of 


the Rev. William Mason, the distinguished Poet 
— 1767 : — 

Take, holy earth, all that my soul holds dear ; 

Take that best gift, which Heav'n so lately gave. 
To Bristol's fount I bore, with trembling tear, 

Her faded form ; she bowed to taste the wave, 
And died ! Does youth, does beauty read the line ? 

Does sympathetic fear their breast alarm ? 
Speak, dead Maria ! breathe a strain divine — 

E'en from the grave thou shalt have power to charm. 
Bid them be chaste, be innocent like thee ; 

Bid them in duty's sphere as meekly move ; 
And if so fair, from vanity as free, 

As firm in friendship, and as fond in love, 
Tell them, though 'tis an awful thing to die 

('Twas e'en to thee), yet, the dead path once trod, 
Heav'n lifts her everlasting portals high, 

And bids the pure in heart behold their God ! 

96. From Anglesey Churchyard, 1740: — 

Who in the grave or silent Dust 

Our bodyes scattered lyes, 
We trust in God at the last Day 

In glory we shall rise. 


97. From Barrow-upon-Soar, Leicestershire. 
This churchyard contains a very punning 

epitaph on one Cave : — 

Here in this grave there lies a CAVE : 

We call a cave a grave. 
If cave be grave, and grave be Cave, 

Then reader, judge, I crave, 
Whether doth Cave lie here in grave 

Or grave here lie in Cave : 
If grave in Cave here buried lie, 
Then, grave, where is thy victory ? 
Go, reader, and report here lies a Cave, 
Who conquers death, and buries his own grave. 

98. From Arlington Churchyard, Devonshire : — 

Here lies Will BURGOIN, a Squire by descent, 
Whose death in this world many people lament : 
The rich for his love, 

The poor for his alms, 
The wise for his knowledge, 
The sick for his balms. 
Grace he did love, and vice control ; 
Earth hath his body, and heaven his soul. 
The twelfth day of August in the morn died he, 
162 and 3. 


99. As true as it is truly Popish. 

The following is inscribed upon a monument 
in one of the Catholic Chapels in the city of 
Cork : — 

I. H. S. Sacred to the memory of the benevolent 
Edward MOLLOY, the friend of humanity and the 
father of the poor. He employed the wealth of this 
world only to secure the riches of the next ; and leaving 
a balance of merit on the book of life, he made heaven 
debtor to his mercy. He died Oct. 17th, 18 18, aged 
ninety. R. I. P. 

100. From Upton-on-Severn, Gloucestershire : — 

Beneath this stone, in hopes of Zion, 
Doth lie the landlord of the Lion ; 
His son keeps on the business still, 
Resigned unto the heavenly will. 

As an advertisement this is pretty good, but 
the American epitaph (No. 101), on Mrs. Smith, 
does the advertising business more effectually. 

101. An American Epitaph : — 

Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble- 


cutter : this monument was erected by her husband as 
a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. 
Monuments of the same style, 250 dollars. 

Better still, however, will that be on James 
Gordon Bennett (No. 102). The present pro- 
prietor of the New York Herald is about to erect 
a monument over his father's grave at a cost of 
^50,000 — in doing which he advertises his paper 
most effectually. 

102. On James Gordon Bennett : — 

James Gordon Bennett, 

aged seventy-two, 

founder of the New York Herald. 

103. Political Epitaph. Here we have another 
version of No. 55 : — 

Here lies Ned Hyde, 

Because he died ; 

If it had been his sister, 

We should have missed her ; 

But we would rather 

It had been his father ; 


Or, for the good of the nation, 
The whole generation. 

104. On Copernicus, St. Anne's Church, Cra- 
cow : — 

Sta, sol, ne moveare. 
(Stand, O sun, move not.) 

105. From Melrose Church: — 

Earth builds on earth castles and towers ; 
Earth says to earth, all shall be ours ; 
Earth walks on earth all clad in gold ; 
Earth goes to earth sooner than earth wold. 

ig6. On Dr. Franklin, by himself: — 

The body of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, printer (like the 
cover of an old book, its contents torn out, and stripped 
of its lettering and gilding), lies here, food for worms ; 
yet the work itself will not be lost, for it will (as he 
believed) appear once more in a new and more beautiful 
edition, corrected and amended by the Author. 

107. From Cameley Churchyard, Somersetshire: — 

If love and care could death prevent, 
Our days had not so soon been spent. 


Life was desired, but God did see 
Eternal life was best for me. 

1 08. From Babington Churchyard, Somerset- 
shire . — 

Prepare to follow, for be sure 

thou must 
One day, as well as I, be 

turned to Dust. 

109. Fonetik Eppetaff. From a stone in Lans- 
down Cemetery, Bath : — 

In memori ov 

Meri Pitman, 

Weif ov Mr. Eizak Pitman, 

Fonetik Printer, ov this Siti. 

Deid 19 Agust 1857, edjed 64. 

" Preper tu mit thei God." 

Emos 4 — 12. 

1 10. A blundering one, from St. Andrew's, Ply- 
mouth : — 

Here lies the body of JAMES VERNOR, Esq., only 
surviving son of Admiral Vernor : died the 23rd July, 


1 1 1. A blundering one, from Karl Keel : 

Here lie the remains of THOMAS NICHOLS, who died 
in Philadelphia, March, 1753. Had he lived he would 
have been buried here. 

112. A blundering one, from Montrose, 1757 : — 

Here lyes the bodeys of GEORGE YOUNG and all their 
posterity for more than fifty years backwards. 

113. From a Churchyard near Thornton, York- 
shire : — 

Here lies the body of JOHN TROLLOPE, 
Whose hands made these stones to roll up ; 
When God Almighty took his soul up, 
His body went to fill the hole up. 

114. From St. Mary Redcliff, Bristol : — 

Mr. William Caning' 8 y e Richest Marchant of y e 
towne of Bristow. Afterwards chosen 5 times Mayor 
of y e said town for y e good of y e Comen Wealth of y 
same. Hee was in order of priesthood 7 yeares, and 
afterwards Deane of W x estbury, and died y e 7th of 
Novem. 1474, which said William did build within y e 
said towne of Westbury a College (which his Canons) 



and y e said William did maintain by space of 8 yeares : 
800 handy craftsmen, besides carpenters and masons 
every day : 100 men. Besides King Edward y e 4th had 
of y e said William 3000 marks for his peace to be had 
in 2470 tonnes of shiping ; these are y e names of his 
shiping with their burthens : — 

tonnes. tonnes. 

Y e Mary Caning 400 Y e Mary Bait 220 

Y e Mary Redcliff 500 Y c Little Nicholas 140 

Y e Mary and John 900 Y e Margaret 220 

Y e Galliott 050 Y e Katherine of Bolt 122 

Y e Katherine 140 A Ship in Ireland 100 

No age nor time can wear out well woon fame, 

The stones themselves a flatly worke doth shew. 
From senceless grave we ground may man's good name, 

And noble minds by vent'rous acts we know. 
A Lanterne cleere settes forth a candle light, 

A worthy act declares a worthy might. 
The buildings rare that here you may behold 

To shrine his Bones deserves a tomb of gold ; 
The famous Fabric that he here hath donne 

Shines in its sphere as glorious as the sonne. 
What needes more words ? y e future world he sought, 
And set y e pompe and pride of this at nought. 

Heaven was his ame, let heaven be still his station 
That leaves such work/*??' others imitation. 


115. From St. Giles' Churchyard, Northamp- 
ton : — 

Here lies a most dutiful daughter, honest and just, 
Awaiting the resurrection in hopes to be one of the first. 

1 16. On a Cardinal : — 

Here lies a Cardinal, who wrought 
Both good and evil in his time ; 

The good he did was good for nought ; 
Not so the evil ! that was prime. 

117. From a Churchyard in Staffordshire: — 

This turf has drank a 

widow's tear ; 
Three of her husbands 

slumber here. 

It may be interesting to note that the tearful 
widow was still living with a fourth partner. 

118. By Walter Savage Landor. For the grave 
of Mr. G. P. R. James, at Venice : — 

George Payne Rainsford James, British Consul- 
General in the Adriatic, died at Venice, aged 60, on the 



9th of June, i860. His merits as a writer are known 
wherever the English language is, and as a man they 
rest on the hearts of many. A few friends have erected 
this humble and perishable monument. 

119. From the Churchyard of Allowa. On the 
Rev. Robert Johnston, parish minister of 
that place : — 

Before this monument of stones 

Lie honest Robert Johnston's bones ; 

He lived devoutly, died in peace ; 

Prompt by religion and grace, 

Endowed a preacher for this place. 

With consent of his wife to be 

Here by him when she falls to dee. 

At her expense this tomb was raised 

For him whose worth she prized and praised. 

120. On an Infant : — 

Bold infidel, lie down and die. 

Beneath this stone an Infant's ashes lie ; 

Say, is he lost or saved ? 

If death's by sin, he died because he's here ; 

If Heaven's by works, in Heaven he can't appear. 


Revere the Bible's sacred page, the knot's untied : 
He died, for Adam sinn'd — he lives, for Jesus died. 

121. From St. John's Church, Beverley, York- 

On the outside is an oval stone tablet ; on the 
upper portion are sculptured two straight swords, 
crossed, painted and gilded, beneath which are 
the following lines : — 

Here two young Danish Souldiers lye : 
The one in quarrell chanced to die ; 
The other's Head, by their own Law, 
With Sword was severed at one Blow. 
December the 23rd, 1692. 

122. From Jersey : — 

Here lies JOHN ROSS, 
Kicked by a Hoss. 

123. From St. Albans Abbey: — 

In memory of Thomas Sheppard, son of Thomas 
and Mary Sheppard. Died February 15th, 1766, aged 
30 years : — 


Great was my grief, I could not rest ; 
God called me hence, — He thought it best ; 
Unhappy marriage was my fate, 
I did repent when it was too late. 

1 24. From Arlington, near Paris : — 

Two grandmothers with their two granddaughters, 

Two husbands with their two wives, 

Two fathers with their two daughters, 

Two mothers with their two sons, 

Two maidens with their two mothers, 

Two sisters with their two brothers, 

Yet but six corps in all, lie buried here, 

All born legitimate, from incest clear. 

125. On a Tippler : — 

The young gentleman referred to here 
Killed himself by drinking October beer. 
Here lie I must 
Wrapp'd up in dust, 

Confined to be sober. 
Clarke, take care, 
Lest you come here, 

For faith here's no October. 



126. On Dr. Bentley : — 

Visitors tread gently, 
Here lies Dr. Bentley. 

127. On a Virtuous Wife : — 

Behold this grave, it doth embrace 
A virtuous wife, with Rachel's comely face, 
Sarah's obedience, Lydia's open heart, 
Marthas care, and Marys better part. 

128. From St. Bennet's, Paul's Wharf, London:— 

Here lies one More, and no More than he. 
One More, and no More ! how can that be ? 
Why one More and no More may well lie here alone 
But here lies one More, and that's More than one. 

129. From Newington Churchyard : — 

Life's but a jest, 
And all things show it ; 

I thought so once, 
But now I know it. 

130. From Newbury Churchyard: — 
Here lays JOHN, with Mary his bride, — 


They lived and they laugh'd while they was able, 
And at last was obliged to knock under the table. 

131. By a French Husband: — 

Here lies my. wife, 

A fact that must tell 
For her repose, 

And for mine as well. 

132. From Venice: — 


Puero incomparabili, 

Qui, ob imperitiam obstetricis, 

Ex utero statim translatus 

Est at tumulum, die 21 Decemb. 



To the memory of JOHN MAGHI, 

An incomparable boy, 

Who, through the unskilfulness of the midwife, 

on the 2 1st day of December, 1532, 

was translated from the womb to the tomb. 

133. From St. Mary's Churchyard, Hereford: — 
Here lieth old Beck, who sold fruit at the cross, 
And now she's departed, we shall have a loss ; 


She was a good wife, and a kind loving mother, 
And, all things considered, we've scarce such another. 

134. From Ripon Cathedral : — 

Here lyeth John James, the old cook of Newby, who 
was a faithful servant to his master, and an upright 
downright honest man : — 

Banes among stanes 

Do lie sou still, 
Whilk the soul wanders 
E'en where God will. 

135. On a Bad Violinist: — 

When Orpheus played he moved Old Nick : 
But thou only moved thy fiddle-stick. 

We have another on a fiddler, see No. 192. 

T36. From Norwich Cathedral : — 

Here lies the body of honest Tom Page, 
Who died in the 33rd year of his age. 

137. From Aberconway Churchyard, Caernarvon- 
shire : — 
Here lieth the body of NICHOLAS HOOKS, of Conway, 


gent, who was the one-and-fortieth child of his father, 
William Hooks, Esq., by Alice his wife, and the father 
of seven-and-twenty children ; he died the 20th day of 
March, 1637. 

138. At Nettlebed, Oxfordshire :— 

Here lies Father and Mother, and Sister and I, 
Wee all died within the space of one short year ; 

They be all buried at Wimble, except I, 
And I be buried here. 

139. From an old source: — 

Whoso him bethought, 
Inwardly and oft, 
How sore it were to flit 
From life into the pit, 
From pit into pain 
Which ne'er shall cease again, 
He would not do one sin, 
All the world to win. 

/40. On a Child: — 

This little hero that lies here, 
Was conquered by the diarrheer. 


141. On John Bunn : — 

Here lies John Bunn, 
Who was killed by a gun. 
His name wasn't Bunn, but his real name was Wood, 
But Wood wouldn't rhyme with gun, so I thought Bunr 

142. On John Macpherson: — 

John Macpherson was a remarkable person : 
He stood 6 feet 2 without his shoe, 
And he was slew at Waterloo. 

143. On Mrs. Stokes : — 

Here lies the wife of SlMON STOKES, 
Who lived and died — like other folks. 

144. On Mrs. Stone: — 

Curious enough, we all must say, 
That what was Stone should now be clay : 
More curious still, to own we must, 
That what was Stone will soon be dust. 

145. From Whittlesea Churchyard, Ely: — 

Here lieth the body of ELIZABETH 
Addison — John, her son, 
And Old Roger to come. 


146. On an Infant eight months old : — 

Since I have been so quickly done for, 
I wonder what I was begun for. 

147. From Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk: — 

Here lies Jane Kitchen, 

Who when her glass was spent, 

She kickt up her heels, 
And away she went. 

A similar epitaph is said likewise to be at 

148. On Roger Norton : — 

Here lies, alas ! poor ROGER NORTON, 
Whose sudden death was oddly brought on ! 
Trying one day his corns to mow off, 
The razor slipped and cut his toe off ! 
The toe, or rather what it grew to, 
An inflammation quickly flew to ; 
The part then took to mortifying, 
Which was the cause of Roger's dying. 

149. An icy one. 

A curious record of an accident, occasioned by 


the downfall of ice, is to be found as an epitaph 
on the son of the then parish clerk at Bampton, 
in Devonshire, who was killed by an icicle falling 
upon and fracturing' his skull : 

In memory of the Clerk's son : — 
Bless my i, i, i, i, i, i, 
Here I lies, 
In a sad pickle, 
Killed by icicle. 

150. On Hogarth, 

Who lies in a superb tomb, with his wife, the 
daughter of Sir James Thornhill, and her mother, 
in Chiswick Churchyard. Garrick wrote the 
following lines, which are still visible : — 

Farewell, great painter of mankind, 

Who reach'd the noblest point of art ; 
Whose pictured morals charm the mind, 

And, through the eye, correct the heart. 
If genius fire thee, reader, stay ; 

If nature touch thee, drop a tear ; 
If neither move thee, turn away, 

For Hogarth's honour'd dust lies here. 


151. From Belturbet Churchyard, Ireland: — 

Here lies JOHN HlGLEY, whose father and mother 
were drowned in their passage from America. Had 
they both lived they would have been buried here. 

152. On Christopher Thumb, at Frome, 
Somerset : — 

Stretch'd underneath this stone is laid 

Our neighbour GOODMAN THUMB ; 
We trust, although full low his head, 

He'll rise i' the world to come. 
This humble monument will show 

Where lies an honest man. 
Ye kings whose heads are laid as low, 

Rise higher if ye can. 

153. From Hyden Churchyard, Yorkshire : — 

Here lies the body of WILLIAM STRATTON, of Pad- 
dington, buried 18th day of May, 1734, aged 97 years ; 
who had by his first wife 28 children ; by his second 
17 ; was own father to 45 ; grandfather to 86 ; great- 
grandfather to 23. In all 154 children. 

154. On John Hill : — 



Here lies John Hill, 

A man of skill, 
Whose age was five times ten : 

He never did good, 

And never would, 
If he'd lived as long again. 

155. A simple one : — 


Simple thing, 


Nought suspecting, 

Meant to be blessed, 

found himself undone. 

156. From Everton. Written, excepting the 

date of his death, by himself: — 

Here lie 
The earthly remains of 

John Berridge, 

Late Vicar of Everton, 

And an Itinerant Servant of Jesus Christ, 

Who loved his Master and His work, 

And after running on His errands many years, 


Was caught up to wait on Him above. 


Art thou born again ? 

No salvation without a new birth. 

I was born in sin February, 17 16 ; 

Remained ignorant of my fallen state till 1730, 

Lived proudly on faith and works for 

salvation till 1754 ; 
Admitted to Everton vicarage 1755 ; 
Fled to Jesus alone for refuge 1756 ; 
Fell asleep in Christ January 22, 1793. 

157. An epigrammatic one: — 
This corpse 
Is Tommy Thorpe's. 

{Revised edition^ 

58. A queer one. From a Graveyard at Baton 

Rouge, La : — 

Here lies buried in this tomb 
A constant sufferer from salt rheum, 
Which finally in truth did pass 
To spotted erysipelas. 




A husband brave, a father true, 
Here he lies, and so must you. 

159. On a gold-digger. 

The following was taken from a head- board at 
a grave in the Sparta Diggings, California; and, 
taking the orthography into consideration, it is 
an apparently unconscious blending of the serio- 
comic with the would-be sublime : — 

In memory ov 

John Smith, who met 

wierlent death neer this spot, 

18 hundred and 40 too. He was shot 

by his own pistill ; 

It was not one of the new kind, 

but a old fashioned 

brass barrel, and of such is the 

Kingdom of heaven. 

160. On a Wife. 

A man in New Hampshire had the misfortune 
recently to lose his wife. Over the grave he 
caused a stone to be placed, on which, in the 


depth of his grief, he had ordered to be 
inscribed : — 

Tears cannot restore her-— therefore I weep. 

161. The briefest Epitaph on record. On a 
Fellow of the Oxford University : — 

(He is gone before) 

162. On the Author of "Jerusalem Delivered": — 

Ossa Tassi. 
(The bones of Tassq.) 

For brevity we may likewise note that on 
Ben Jonson. 

163. From the Poet's Corner, Westminster 
Abbey: — 

Oh, rare Ben Jonson ! 

164. On George Frederick Cook, the great 

tragedian, in St. Paul's, New York : — 

Three kingdoms claim his birth ; 
Two hemispheres proclaim his worth. 


165. On an English Baronet, in the time of 
Henry the Third : — 

All Christian men in my behalf, 
Pray for the soul of Sir John Calf. 

166. On John Rosewell, a.d. 1687 : — 

This grave's a bed of roses — here doth lie 

John Rosewell, gent ; — his wife nine children by. 

167. From Wolstanton. On Anne Jennings : — 

Some have children, some have none ; 
Here lies the mother of twenty-one. 

168. From Barrow Churchyard. On Mr. 

Stone : — 

Jerusalem's curse is not fulfilled in me, 
For here a stone upon a STONE you see. 

169. On John White, in the Temple Church, 
London : — 

Here lies JOHN, a burning, shining light, 
Whose name, life, actions, all alike were White. 

1 70. On Dr. Potter, Archbishop of Canterbury, 
a.d. 1736:— 


Alack and well a-day ! 

POTTER himself is turned to clay. 

171. From Westminster Abbey. On John Gay, 

the Poet, said to have been written by 

himself: — 

Life is a jest, and all things show it ; 
I thought so once, but now I know it. 

172. By the Poet Dryden, on the tomb of his 

wife : — 

Here lies my wife, here let her lie ; 
She's now at rest, and so am I. 

173. On Rebecca Freeland, who died in the 

year 1741 : — 

She drank good ale, good punch and wine, 
And lived to the age of ninety-nine. 

1 74. On Sir Christopher Wren : — 

Si monumentum quaeris, circumspice. 
{If his monument you seek, look around) 

This is to be seen in St. Paul's, Lcndcn, of 


which, as is well known, Sir Christopher was the 

175. On a Wesleyan Minister. 

The friends of Methodism may be pleased to 
read the following lines, which are copied from 
the plain slab which covers the dust of the Rev. 
R. Boardman, Wesleyan minister, at the Cathe- 
dral Church of Cork : — 

Richard Boardman, 
Departed this life Oct. 4th, 1782. 
^Etatis 44. 
Beneath this stone the dust of Boardman lies, 
His precious soul has soared above the skies. 
With eloquence divine he preached the Word 
To multitudes, and turned them to the Lord. 
His bright example strengthened what he taught, 
And devils trembled when for Christ he fought. 
With truly Christian zeal he nations fired, 
And all who knew him mourned when he expired. 

176. From South Wales. 

In Vaynor Churchyard, near Merthyr Tydfil, 
not unlike the Irish epitaph, No. 34 : — 


Here lies the bodies of three 

Children dear, 
Two at Llanwono and 
One here. 
(See No. 299.) 

177. From a Churchyard in Pembrokeshire: — 
Here lie I, and no wonder I'm dead, 

For the wheel of the waggon went over my head. 

178. From Curmwallon Churchyard, Cornwall: — • 

Shall we all die ? 
We shall die all. 
All die shall we ? 
Die all we shall. 

179. On a Collier : — 

Altho' his face was dirty, 

His heart, they say, was clean. 
His age was only forty 

When he ceased to have a being, — 
That is, he ceased to live, 

So far as this world goes ; 

But in the world above he wears 

Perhaps a crown — who knows ? 

W. F. 


1 80. On a Rich Man : — 

A man of wealth and fame, 

Of honour and of worth ; 
How powerful was his name 

When living on the earth. 
But now he's left the world, 

Where riches draw a line 
Distinguishing a man 

From others of his kine. 
What now can this man do 

With what he had whilst here ? 
Not aught, for what he had — 

In heaven it can't appear. 
We speak of him * in heaven," 

Well, let us hope he's there ; 
Though the chances of such men 

To get there are but rare. 

181. On Husband and Wife. 

The following is copied from a country church- 
yard : — 

Here lies the body of JAMES ROBINSON, and Rutii 
his wife. 

And underneath this text : — 

" Their warfare is accomplished." 


182. From Torryburn Churchyard : — 

In this churchyard lies EPPIE COUTTS. 
Either here or hereabouts ; 
But whaur it is none can tell 
Till Eppie rise and tell hersel'. 

183. From Oldbury-on- Severn : — 

Pain was my portion ; 

Physic was my food ; 
Groans my devotion ; 

Drugs did me no good. 

184. On Robert Barras : — 
Poems and epitaphs are but stuff, 

Here lies Bob Barras, and that's enough. 

185. From Broom Churchyard : — 

God be praised : 
Here is Mr. Dudley, senior, 

And Jane his wife also, 
Who, while living was his superior, 

But see what death can do. 
Two of his sons also lie here, 

One Walter, t'other Joe. 
They all of them went in the year 

15 10 below. 


1 86. On two Brothers: — 

Here lies two brothers by misfortune surrounded, 
One died of his wounds and the other was drownded. 

187. On Susan Mum : — 

To the memory of SUSAN MUM : — 
Silence is wisdom. 

188. On William Beck : — 

Here lies the body of WILLIAM BECK, 

He was thrown at a hunt and broke his neck. 

189. From St. Mary's, Swansea. On Elizabeth, 
the wife of William Vidall, who died June 
29th, 1843, aged 48 years : — 

She was, but words are wanting to say what ; 
Think what a wife should be — and she was that. 

(See No. 4.) 

190. From St. Mary's, Swansea. On Evan 

Harris : — 

All you that see where I do lie, 
As you are now, so once was I. 


As I am now, so you shall be, 
Cut down by death, and follow me. 

(Similar to No. 14.) 

191. On Robert Gray, Taunton Church : — 

Taunton bore him, London bred him ; 

Piety trained him, virtue led him ; 

Earth enrich'd, Heaven caress'd him ; 

This thankful town, that mindful city, 

Share his piety and his pity. 

What he gave, and how he gave it, 

Ask the poor, and you shall have it. 

Gentle reader, Heaven may strike 

Thy tender heart to do the like. 

And now thy eyes have read this story, 

Give him the praise, and Heaven the glory. 

192. On a Fiddler named Stephen : — 

Stephen and Time are now both even ; 
Stephen beat Time, but now Time's beat Stephen. 

193. From Shoreditch Churchyard : 

We must all die, there is no doubt; 
Your glass is running — mine is out. 


194. From Whitby Churchyard: — 

Sudden and unexpected was the end 
Of our esteemed and beloved friend ; 
He gave to all his friends a sudden shock, 
By one day falling into Sunderland Dock. 

195. From St. Mary's, Swansea. On a child 3 
months old : — 

Beneath this stone an infant lies, 

To earth whose body's lent, 
Which shall more pure hereafter rise, 

But not more innocent. 
When the last dreadful trump shall blow, 

And Souls to Bodies join, 
Millions will wish their lives below 

Had been as short as thine. 
O Sexton, do not with thy Death-like spade, 
Remove this earth where innocence is laid. 

196. From the same place, On the wife of John 
Prosser : — 

Reader, pause, 

And think what a wife should be, and she was that ! ! 
(See Nos. 4 and 189.) 


197. On an Angler: — 

Hook'd it. 

198. From St. Mary's, Swansea. On Hugh 

Somerville Head, R.N., aged 36 years : — 

When I am dead 

Let not the day be writ ; 

Some will remember it ! ! ! 

Deep let it rest 

In one fond female breast, 

Then is my memory blest. 

199. On an Englishman troubled with ennui: — 

Here lies Sir JOHN PLUMPUDDING, of the Grange, 
Who hanged himself one morning for a change. 

2 oo. By Dr. Goldsmith, on Mr. Edwd. Pardon : — 

Here lies poor Ned Pardon, from misery freed, 

Who long was a bookseller's hack ; 
He led such a damnable life in this world, 

I don't think he'll ever come back. 

201. On Count Tessin. 


On the tomb of Count Tessin, Governor of 
Gustavus III. of Sweden, written by himself: — 

Tandem felix. 
{Happy at last) 

202. On a Miser, by W. F. : — 

Gone underground. 

203. On Sir Isaac Newton. 

The following was intended for Newton's 
monument : — 

.Nature and nature's law lay hid in night ; 
God said, Let Newton be — and all was light. 

The epitaph on Sir Isaac, however, runs as 

follows : — 

Isaacum Newton 

Quern immortalem 

Testantur Tempus, Natura, Coelum, 

Mortalum hoc marmor 


(This marble acknowledges Isaac Newton mortal 
whom time, nature, and heaven prove immortal.) 


204. On Pope Adrian. 

His Holiness wrote the following sad epitaph 
for himself: — 

Adrianus Papa VI, hie situs est 
Qui nihil sibi infelicius 

In vita 

Quam quod imperaret 


Which may be rendered in English thus : — 

Pope Adrian VI. lies here, who experienced nothing 
more unhappy in life than that he commanded. 

205. By Pope, on Mrs. Corbett. This lady 

died of cancer in the breast : — 

Here rests a woman, good without pretence, 
Blest with plain reason and with sober sense. 
No conquests she, but o'er herself, desired, 
No arts essay'd, but not to be admired. 
Passion and pride were to her soul unknown, 
Convinc'd that virtue only is our own ; 
So unaffected, so composed a mind : 
So firm, yet soft, so strong, yet so refin'd ; 
Heaven as its purest gold, by tortures tried : 
The saint sustain'd it, but the woman died. 


206. From the Unitarian Churchyard, Swansea : — 
This humble stone, what few vain marbles can, 
May safely say — here lies an honest man. 

207. By Dr. Johnson on a Musician : — 
Philips, whose touch harmonious could remove 
The pangs of guilty power and hopeless love, 
Rest here, distressed by poverty no more ; 
Find here, that calm thou gav'st so oft before; 
Sleep undisturbed within this peaceful shrine, 
Till angels wake thee with a note like thine. 

208. On a Smoker : — 

My pipe's out. 

209. From High Wycombe Churchyard. 

The following lines are on Mr. Thomas 

Aldridge, aged 90 years : — 

Of no distemper, 
Of no blast he died ; 

But fell 
Like autumn fruit, 
That's mellowed long, 

E'en wondered at, 
Because he dropt no sooner. 


Providence seemed to wind him up 
For fourscore years ; yet ran he on 
Nine winters more : till, like a clock, 
Worn out with beating time, 
The wheels of weary life 
At last stood still. 

210. On Matthew Prior. 

The writer is not quite certain what Prior's 
epitaph is, but has thought that the following 
remarks may help his readers to form their own 
opinions : — 

A writer in the Quarterly Review for January, 
1865, says that Prior, who was most diligent in 
ransacking Greek, Latin, French, and English 
storehouses to come by his epigrams, in giving 
the epitaph for himself, — 

Gentlemen, here, by your leave, 
Lie the bones of MATTHEW PRIOR, 

A son of Adam and Eve ; 

Can Bourbon or Nassau go higher ? — 

is only adopting a much older one by John 
Carnegie : — 


Johnnie Carnegie lais heer, 
Descendit of Adam and Eve ; 

Gif ony can gang hicher, 
I'se willing gie him leve. 

Touching this epitaph of Prior's, we give what 
is said in a review on " Familiar Words " by J. 
Hain Friswell, in the Athenczum, for January 28th, 

"We will observe, too, that Mr. Friswell does 
wrong to Prior in seriously calling the following 
lines 'Prior's Epitaph on Himself : — 

" ' Here lies what once was MATTHEW PRIOR, 
The son of Adam and of Eve ; 
Can Bourbon or Nassau claim higher ? ' 

" This, of course," continues the reviewer (like 

Gay's heedless lines) "is a mere joke. Prior's 

lines, * For my own Tombstone,' are in better 

taste : — 

, " ' To me 'twas giv'n to die ; to thee 'tis giv'n 
To live. Alas ! one moment sets us ev'n. 
Mark, how impartial is the Will of Heav'n ! ' " 


According to Chambers's Cyclopcedia of Litera- 
ture, the following are the exact lines that were 
written by Prior : — 

Nobles and heralds, by your leave, 

Here lies what once was Matthew PRIOR, 
The son of Adam and of Eve ; 

Can Stuart or Nassau claim higher ? 

210a. On Thomas Kemp, who was hanged for 
sheep-stealing : — 
Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp, 
Who lived by wool and died by hemp ; 
There's nothing would suffice this glutton, 
But with the fleece to steal the mutton ; 
Had he but worked and lived uprighter, 
He'd ne'er been hung for a sheep-biter. 

211. From the Churchyard of Creltow, Salop: — 
On a Thursday she was born, 
On a Thursday made a bride, 
On a Thursday put to bed, 
On a Thursday broke her leg, and 
On a Thursday died. 

In reading this epitaph I am reminded of an 


old superstition about Friday being an unlucky 
day, and of a certain story told about a certain 
ship called Friday, built by a man who enter- 
tained no such foolish notions. I do not give 
the story, but now write an epitaph, which may 
be taken as strictly correct. 

212. On the unlucky Ship " Friday " : — 

On a Friday she was launched, 

On a Friday she set sail, 
On a Friday met a storm, 

And was lost, too, in the gale. 

213. From Taibach Churchyard, South Wales: — 

Hurrah ! my boys, at the Parson's fall, 
For if he'd lived he'd a-buried us all. 

214. From Swaffham Churchyard, Norfolk : — 

Here lies the body of THOMAS PARR ; 

What, old Tom ? No ! What, young Tom ? Ah ! 

215. From Kensal Green Cemetery. Over the 
grave of Margaret Hargrave, aged 3 1 : — 


'Tis ever thus, 'tis ever thus, with all that's best below, 
The dearest, noblest, loveliest, are always first to go : 
The bird that sings the sweetest, the pine that crowns 

the rock, 
The glory of the garden, the flower of the flock. 
'Tis ever thus, 'tis ever thus, with creatures heavenly 

Too finely formed to 'bide the storms more earthly 

natures bear, 
A little while they dwell with us, blest ministers of 

Then spread the wings we had not seen, and seek their 

home above. 

2 1 6. From Maidstone Churchyard: — 

Here FRANCIS JARRATT lies — what then ? 
Frank, when his Master calls, will rise again. 

217. From Kensal Green. On E. B. Browning, 

aged 7 months : — 

The cup of life just to his lips he pressed, 
Found the taste bitter, and resigned the rest ; 
Averse then turning from the face of day, 
He softly sighed his little soul away. 

Note. — This epitaph, altered for a little girl, is 


to be found in Prittlewell Churchyard, near 

218. From St. George's, Southwark. On the 
young wife of a clergyman : — 

She came to the Cross when her young cheek was 

And raised to the Lord the bright glance of her eye ; 
And when o'er her beauty death's darkness was flowing, 

Her God then upheld her ; her Saviour was nigh. 

219. From Morville Churchyard, near Bridge- 
north. On John Charlton, Esq. 

He was for many years master of the Wheat- 
land Foxhounds, and died January 20th, 1843, 
aged 63, regretted by all that knew him : — 

Of this world's pleasures I have had my share, 
And few the sorrows I was doomed to bear. 
How oft have I enjoyed the noble chase 
Of hounds and foxes, striving for the race ; 
But, hark ! the knell of death calls me away, 
Lo, sportsmen all, farewell ! I must obey. 


220. From Cambridge, on Mary Gwynne : — 

Here lies the body of Mary GWYNNE, 

Who was so very pure within, 
She cracked the shell of her earthly skin, 

And hatched herself a cherubim. 

221. An Epigrammatic one, from the Catacombs 
of Rome : — 

Hie VERUS qui semper vera locutus. 
Which may be rendered thus : — 
Here lies VERUS (truth), who always spoke truly. 

221. On a Rich Man : — 

What I spent I had ; what I lent 
I lost ; what I gave I have. 

222. From America : — 

Died on the 1 ith inst, at his shop, No. 20, Greenwich 
Street, Mr. Edward Jones, much respected by all who 
knew and dealt with him. As a man he was amiable ; 
as a hatter upright and moderate. His virtues were 
beyond all price, and his beaver hats were only three 
dollars each. He has left a widow to deplore his loss, 




and a large stock to be sold cheap, for the benefit of 
his family. He was snatched to the other world in the 
prime of life, just as he had concluded an extensive 
purchase of felt, which he got so cheap that his widow 
can supply hats at more reasonable rates than any 
house in the city. His disconsolate family will carry on 
business with punctuality. 

223. From Brancepeth Churchyard, Durham. 

On the tombstone of a celebrated Surgeon : — 

What I was once some may relate ; 
What I am now is all men's fate ; 
What I shall be none can explain 
Until He that called calls again. 

224. From Han well Churchyard: — 

Beneath this stone I do intrust 
Are the remnants of her worthy dust : 
Farewell awhile, ye silent tomb, 
Until your husband calls for room. 

225. On a Painter :• — 

Here lies a finished artist. 


226. On Mr. Miles. From Webley Churchyard, 
Yorkshire : — 

This tombstone is a Milestone ; 
Hah ! how so ? 
Because beneath lies MILES, who's 
Miles below. 

227. From Selby Churchyard, Yorkshire : — 

Here lies the body of poor Frank Rowe, 
Parish clerk and gravestone cutter, 

And this is writ to let you know 

What Frank for others used to do 
Is now for Frank done by another. 

228. On a Sailor : — 

I am grounded. 

229. From Bruton Church : — 

Here lies a man by all good men esteemed, 
Because they proved him really what he seemed. 

230. Anonymous : — 

Reader, pass on, ne'er waste your time 
On bad biography and bitter rhyme ; 


For what I am this cumbrous clay ensures, 
And what I was is no affair of yours. 

231. From Cheltenham Churchyard : — 

Here lies the body of MOLLY DICKIE, the wife of 
Hall Dickie, tailor: — 

Two Great physicians first 
My loving husband tried 
To cure my pain 
In vain ; 
At last he got a third, 
And then I died. 

232. On a man who was killed by a Pump : — 

Here lies JOHN Adams, who received a thump, 
Right on the forehead, from the parish pump, 
Which gave him the quietus in the end, 
For many doctors did his case attend. 

233. From St. Bride* s, near Bridgend : — 

Farewell, my dear and loving wife, 

My children, and my friends, 
I hope in heaven to see you all 

When all things have their ends. 


234. From Portsmouth : — 

Here lies Jemmy Little, a carpenter industrious, 
A very good-natured man, but somewhat blusterous. 
When that his little wife his authority withstood, 
He took a little stick and banged her as he would. 
His wife now left alone, her loss does so deplore, 
She wishes Jemmy back to bang her a little more ; 
For now he's dead and gone this fault appears so small, 
A little thing would make her think it was no fault at all. 

235. From the Burying-ground, of Concord, 

Massachusetts : — 

God wills us free — man wills us slaves ; 

I will as God wills : God's will be done. 

Here lies the body of 

John Jack, 

A native of Africa, who died 

March, 1773, aged about sixty years. 

Though born in a land of slavery, 

He was born free ; 

Though he lived in a land of liberty, 

He lived a slave ; 

Till, by his honest, though stolen, labours, 

He acquired the source of slavery, 

Which gave him his freedom : 


Though not long before 

Death, the great Tyrant, 

Gave him his final emancipation, 

And put him on a footing with kings. 

Though a slave to vice, 

He practised those virtues 

Without which kings are but slaves. 

236. By Dr. Arbuthnot, on the infamous Col. 

Chantres : — 

Here continueth to rot the body of FRANCIS 
CHANTRES, who, with an inflexible constancy and in- 
imitable uniformity of life, persisted, in spite of age and 
infirmities, in the practice of every human vice excepting 
prodigality and hypocrisy : his insatiable avarice ex- 
empting him from the first, his matchless impudence 
from the second. Nor was he more singular in the 
undeviating pravity of his manners than successful in 
accumulating wealth. For without trade or profession, 
without trust of public money, and without bribe-worthy 
service, he acquired, or more properly created, a minis- 
terial estate. He was the only person of his time who 
could cheat without the mask of honesty : retain his 
primeval meanness when possessed of ten thousand a 
year ; and having daily deserved the gibbet for what he 
did, was at last condemned to it for what he could not 


do. Oh ! indignant reader, think not his life useless to 
mankind. Providence connived at his execrable designs, 
to give to after ages a conspicuous proof and example 
of how small estimation is exorbitant wealth in the sight 
of God, by His bestowing it on the most unworthy of all 

237. On Jack and Joan, by Matthew Prior : — 

Interr'd beneath this marble stone 

Lie sauntering JACK and idle JOAN ; 

While rolling threescore years and one 

Did round this globe their courses run ; 

If human things went ill or well, 

If changing empires rose or fell, 

The morning past, the evening came, 

And found this couple just the same. 

They walked and ate, good folks : what then ? 

Why, then they walked and ate again ; 

They soundly slept the night away, 

They did just nothing all the day ; 

Nor sister either had nor brother, 

They seem'd just tallied for each other. 

Their moral and economy 

Most perfectly they made agree ; 

Each virtue kept its proper bound, 

Nor trespass'd on the other's ground. 


Nor fame nor censure they regarded, 

They neither punished nor rewarded ; 

He cared not what the footman did ; 

Her maids she never prais'd nor chid : 

So every servant took his course, 

And bad at first, they all grew worse. 

Slothful disorder filled his stable, 

And sluttish plenty deck'd her table. 

Their beer was strong, their wine was port, 

Their meal was large, their grace was short. 

They gave the poor the remnant meat, 

Just when it grew not fit to eat. 

They paid the church and parish rate, 

And took, but read not, the receipt ; 

For which they claim'd their Sundays' due 

Of slumbering in an upper pew. 

No man's defects sought they to know, 

So never made themselves a foe. 

No man's good deeds did they commend, 

So never rais'd themselves a friend. 

Nor cherish'd they relations poor, 

That might decrease their present store ; 

Nor barn nor house did they repair, 

That might oblige their future heir. 

They neither wanted nor abounded. 

Nor tear nor smile did they employ 

At news of public grief or joy. 


When bells were rung and bonfires made, 
If ask'd, they ne'er denied their aid. 
Their jug was to the ringers carried, 
Whoever either died or married. 
Their billet at the fire was found, 
Whoever was depos'd or crown'd. 
Nor good, nor bad, nor fools, nor wise, 
They would not learn, nor could advise ; 
Without love, hatred, joy, or fear, 
They led a kind of, as it were ; 
Nor wish'd, nor car'd, nor laugh'd, nor cried, 
And so they lived and so they died. 

238. On an Accomplished Parish Officer, at 
Cray ford, Kent : — 

Here lieth the body of 

Peter Isnell 

(30 years Clerk of this parish). 

He lived respected as a pious and mirthful man, and 

died on his way to church to assist at a wedding on the 

31st day of March, 181 1, aged 70 years. 

The inhabitants of' Crayford have raised this stone to 
his cheerful memory, and as a tribute to his long and 
faithful services. 

The life of this Clerk was just threescore and ten, 
Nearly half of which time he had sung out Amen. 


In his youth he was married, like other young men, 

But his wife died one day, so he chanted Amen. 

A second he took — she departed : what then ? 

He married and buried a third with Amen. 

Thus his joys and his sorrows were Trebled ; but then 

His voice was deep Bass, as he sung out Amen. 

On the horn he could blow as well as most men, 

So his horn was exalted in blowing A men. 

But he lost all his Wind after threescore and ten, 

And here with three Wives he waits till again 

The Trumpet shall arouse him to sing out Amen. 

239. On Mr. Combe, by Shakespeare. 

Shakespeare, whose epitaph has already been 
given in this book, in his latter years, whilst 
residing in his native town of Stratford, was 
requested by one of his intimate and wealthy 
friends, named Mr. Combe, to write his epitaph. 
The immortal bard furnished him with the follow- 
ing impromptu : — 

Ten in the hundred* lies here engraved ; 
'Tis a hundred to ten his soul is not saved ; 

* Ten per cent, was then the ordinary interest of money. 


If any man ask who lies in this tomb, 

«0— ho!" quoth the devil, "Tis my John-a-Combe." 

240. By Ben Jonson, on Elizabeth L. H. : — 

Would'st thou hear what man say 
In a little ? reader, stay : 
Underneath this stone doth lie 
As much beauty as could die ; 
Which in life did harbour give 
To more virtue than doth live. 
If at all she had a fault, 
Leave it buried in this vault. 
One name was Elizabeth, 
The other,* let it sleep with death ; 
Fitter, where it died, to tell, 
Than that it lived at all. Farewell. 

241. On a Tailor's Wife. 

A tailor, whose Christian name was Abraham, 
met with the Earl of Rochester, and desired him 
to write an epitaph for his wife, whose name was 
Sarah. The Earl complied, and wrote one in 
his usual ludicrous style, which ran as follows : — 


From Abraham's bosom full of lice, 
To Abraham's in Paradise, 
Our sister Sarah took her flight, 
And bid the lousy thief good-night. 

The following is another epitaphian effusion of 
his : — 

242. On King Charles : — 

Here lies our mutton-eating King, 
Whose word no man relies on ; 

He never said a foolish thing, 
And never did a wise one. 

243. On Nicholas Ferry, a French Dwarf. 

He died at the age of twenty-three, and mea- 
sured thirty- three inches in height; was, whilst 
alive, under the protection of the Duke of Lor- 
raine. It is said that the Duke felt his loss 
severely, and caused an epitaph in Latin to be 
inscribed on his tomb, of which the following is 
a translation : — 



Here lies 

Nicholas Ferry, 

A Lorraine. 

Nature's plaything. In virtue of the smallness of his 

Stature he was beloved by the modern 


Old in the flower of existence. For him five lustres 

were an age. 

He died on the 9th of June, in the year 1764. 

(See No. 249 for an epitaph on another dwarf.) 

244. On a Woman : — 

Underneath this sod lies Arabella YOUNG, 
Who on the 5th of May began to hold her tongue. 

245. From a Churchyard in Yorkshire : — 

In faith she dies, 
Within she lies, 
Here underneath, 
Though without breath. 

246. From Henley, 1799: — 

A loving Husband, tender Father, and sincere friend, 
A generous and an honest man unto his end ; 


Always inclin'd to serve his friends when in trouble 
Doubtless, by the Lord he'll be rewarded double. 

247. From Banbury Churchyard, Oxon: — 

To the memory of RlC. RICHARDS, who by gangreen 
first lost a toe, afterwards a leg, and lastly his life, on 
the 7th day of April, 1656 : — 

Ah, cruel Death, to make three meals of one, 
To taste and eat, and eat till all was gone ; 
But, know, thou tyrant, when the trump shall call, 
He'll find his feet, and stand when thou shalt fall. 

248. On the Rev. John Chest : — 

Beneath this spot lies buried 

One Chest within another, 
The outer chest was a good one : 

Who says so of the other ? 

249. On a Dwarf. 

The following inscription — on a dwarf who was 
very intellectual and had great skill on the piano 
— to be found on a tombstone in the graveyard 
of St. Philip's in Birmingham, expresses the 


opinion which was entertained of her by all who 
knew her : — 


who quitted this life the fourth day of May, 

1 8 19, at the age of thirty-nine years. 

The smallest woman in this kingdom, and 

one of the most accomplished. 

She was not more than thirty-three inches high. 

She was a native of Austria. 

250. From the Churchyard of Castell-llwchwr, 

South Wales : — 

O Earth ! O Earth, observe this well, 
That Earth to Earth must go to dwell, 
That Earth in Earth must close remain 
Till Earth for Earth shall come again. 

251. From the same Churchyard, now called 
Loughor : — 

The following pretty lines are now visible on 
the tomb of Mary Pengree, who died in 1801, 
aged 10 years : — 

The village maidens to her Grave shall bring 
The fragrant Garland each returning spring ; 


Selected sweets, in emblem of the maid 
Who underneath the hollow turf is laid. 
Like her they flourish, beauteous to the eye ; 
Like her, too soon, they languish, fade, and die. 

252. From Yate Churchyard, Gloucestershire : — 

Here lies two whom death again has wed, 
And made this grave their second marriage bed. 
Death did at first raise some disconsolation, 
But would not make an utter separation. 

253. In Dunmore Churchyard, Ireland : — 

Here lie the remains of John Hall, grocer. The 
world is not worth a fig, and I have good raisins for 
saying so. 

254. From Chipping Sodbury, Gloucestershire. 
On Samuel Turner, Blacksmith : — 

His sledge and hammer lie reclined, 
His bellows, too, has lost its wind, 
His Coal is spent, his Iron gone, 
His nails are drove, his work is done. 
His body's here, clutched in the dust, 
'Tis hoped his soul is with the just. 



255. On Mr. Horse : — 

A generous foe, a faithful friend, 
A victor bold, here met his end ; 
He conquer'd both in war and peace ; 
By death subdued, his glories cease. 
Ask'st thou who finished here his course, 
With so much honour ? — 'twas a HORSE. 

256. On John Sullen: — 

Here lies John Sullen, and it is God's will 
He that was Sullen should be Sullen still ; 
He still is Sullen, if the truth ye seek ; 
Knock until doomsday, Sullen will not speak. 

257. An Epigrammatic one : — 

Beneath yon humble clod at rest, 
Lies Andrew, who, if not the best, 

Was not the very worst man ; 
A little rakish, apt to roam, 
But not so now, he's quite at home, 

For Andrew was a Dustman. 

258. From Rothsay: — 

Erected by Jane , to the memory of her hus- 
band John . " Him that cometh unto me I will 

in no wise cast out." 


259. From Chichester Cathedral. 

At the north-west corner is a vault belonging 
to Mr. Gay, in the centre of which is a fine piece 
of sculpture. On a pedestal is represented Time, 
in a sitting posture, holding an hourglass in his 
left hand — the right hand extended, holding a 
scroll, on which are inscribed the following beau- 
tiful and expressive lines : — 

Here doubtless many a trifler on the brink 

Of this world's hazardous and headlong shore, 
Forc'd to a pause, will feel it good to think, 

Told that his setting sun may rise no more ! 
Ye self-deceived : could I prophetic say, 

Who next is fated, and who next shall fall, 
The rest might then seem privileged to play ; 

But naming none, Time's voice here speaks to all ! 
Learn, then, ye living ! by the mouths be taught 

Of all these sepulchres, instruction true — 
That soon or late, death also is your lot, 

And the next opening grave may yawn for you ! 

At the further end of the vault is Death, en- 
graved on a black marble slab. 


260. On William Cowper, the poet. 

The immortal Cowper was buried in St. 
Edmund's chapel, East Dereham, county of 
Norfolk, and over his grave a monument is 
erected, bearing the following inscription, from 
the pen of Mr. Hayley : — 

In memory of WILLIAM COWPER, Esq., born in Here- 
fordshire, 173 1, buried in this church, 1800. 

Ye, who with warmth the public triumph feel, 
Of talents dignified by public zeal, 
Here, to devotion's bard devoutly just, 
Pay your fond tribute due to Cowper's dust ! 
England, exulting in his spotless fame, 
Ranks with her dearest sons his fav'rite name ; 
Sense, fancy, wit, suffice not all to raise 
So clear. a title to affection's praise ; 
His highest honours to the heart belong, 
His virtues form the magic of his song. 

261. On Mr. Edward Everard, in Tottenham 
Churchyard : — 

You was too good to live on earth with me, 
And I not good enough to die with thee ; 


Farewell, dear husband, God would have it so ; 
You'll near return, but I to you must go. 

262. On the eminent barrister, Sir John 

Strange : — 

Here lies an honest lawyer, — 
that is Strange. 

263. From Prittlewell Churchyard, near South- 
end. On Thomas Halliday, aged 23 : — 

How lov'd, how valued once, avails thee not, 

To whom related, or by whom begot ; 

A heap of dust alone remains of me, 

'Tis all thou art, and all the proud shall be. 

264. From Blackmoor : — 

26 years I lived single, 

5 a married life, 
Long time I was afflicted, 

And then I lost my life. 

A similarly-worded epitaph is to be seen in 
Newport Cemetery, in which the writer has had 
many a quiet and pleasant half-hour ; it is as 
follows : — 


265. On Sarah, wife of Rowland Thomas : — 

34 years i was a maid, 

9 months 6 days a wedded wife, 

two hours i was a mother, 
and then i lost my life. 

266. From Bidstone Churchyard. 

Again, there is a very similar epitaph to be 
found in Bidstone Churchyard, where there is a 
small sandstone obelisk erected to the memory 
of a young woman named Martha Clark, nee 
Owen. After giving the name and age, the 
epitaph concludes : — 

Nineteen years a maid, 

Two years a wife, 
Nine days a mother, 

And then departed life. 

267. On Lord Byron. 

The following epitaphian inscription is on 
Lord Byron's monument, which is an elegant 
Grecian tablet of white marble, placed in the 
chancel of Hucknal church. The words are 


in Roman capitals, and divided into lines as 

under : — 

In the vault beneath, 

where many of his ancestors and his 
mother are buried, 
lie the remains of 
George Gordon Noel Byron, 
Lord Byron of Rochdale, 
in the county of Lancaster : 
The author of " Childe Harold's Pilgri- 
He was born in London, on the 
22nd of January, 1788 ; 
He died at Missolonghi, in Western 
Greece, on the 
19th April, 1824, 
Engaged in the glorious attempt to 
restore that country to her ancient 
freedom and renown. 
His sister, the Honourable 
Augusta Maria Leigh, 
placed this tablet to his memory. 

268. From East Grinstead, Sussex. 

The following is copied from a stone in the 
churchyard of East Grinstead, in Sussex : — 


In memory of RUSSELL HALL 

And Mary his wife. 

He died March 25, 18 16, 

Aged 79 years. 
She died August 22, 1809, 
Aged 58 years. 
The ritual stone thy children lay 

O'er thy respected dust, 
Only proclaims the mournful day 

When we our parents lost. 
To copy thee in life we'll strive, 

And when we that resign 
May some good-natured friend survive 
To lay our bones by thine. 

269. On Virgil. 

As we have elsewhere given the epitaphs on 
several poets, we think the following may not 
prove uninteresting to our readers ; it is upon 
the tomb of Virgil, the prince of Roman poets, 
and is said to have been dictated by himself: — 

Mantua me genuit Calabri rapuere tenet nunc 
Parthenope ; cecini Pascua Rura, Duces. 

The tomb is situated near Naples. 


270. From Peterchurch : — 

Sickness was my portion, 

Physic was my food, 
Groans was my devotion, 

Drugs did me no good. 
The Lord took pity on me, 

Because He thought it best — 
He took me to his bosom, 

And here I lies at rest. 

271. From Michaelchurch : — 

JOHN PROSSER is my name, and England is my nation, 

Bowchurch is my dwelling-place, and Christ is my salva- 
tion ; 

Now I'm dead and in my grave, and all my bones are 
rotten : 

As you pass by remember me, when I am quite forgotten 

2jia. From Hatfield Churchyard, Herts: — 

The world's a city full of crooked streets ; 
And death the market-place where all men meet ; 
If death were merchandise, then men could buy : 
The rich would always live, the poor must die. 

272. From Dartford Churchyard, Kent : — 


We all must die, we know full well, 
But when or where no one can tell ; 
Strive, therefore, to live godly still, 
Then welcome death, come when it will. 

A Pedestrian. 

273. From St. John's Churchyard, Horsley- 

down. On Captain , who was drowned at 

Gravesend : — 

Friends, cease to grieve that at Gravesend 

My life was closed with speed, 
For when the Saviour shall descend, 

'Twill be graves' end indeed. 

274. From a small and solitary churchyard in 

Kent :— 

Here lyeth the bones of Mary Rogers, who left this 
world A.D. 1692 ; she was a goode mother, wifee, and 
daughter : 

Al goud people, as you pass, 

Pray reed my hour-glass ; 

After sweets and bitters it's down, 

And I have left your pretty town. 

Remember soon you must prepare to fly, 

From all your friends, and come to high. 


275. From the same place : — 

This ston his sacred to the memory of poer old 
Muster THOMAS Boxer, who was loste in the goud 
boate Rouver, just coming home with much fishes, got 
near Torbay, in the year of hour Lord 1722 : 

Prey, goud fishermen, stop and drop a tear, 
For we have lost his company here ; 
And where he's gone we cannot tell ; 
But we hope far from the wicked Bell. 
The Lord be with him. 

276. From the same place : — 

To the memory of my four wives, who all died within 
the space of ten years, but more pertickler to the last, 
Mrs. Sally Horne, who has left me and four dear 
children : she was a good, sober, and clean soul, and may 
i soon go to her — A.D. 1732 : 

Dear wives, if you and i shall all go to heaven, 
The Lord be blest, for then we shall be even, 

William Joy Horne, Carpenter. 

277. From Barking, Essex. On Sarah Rick- 
etts, aged 68, 1767 : — 


Here honest Sarah Ricketts lies, 

By many much esteem'd, 
Who really was no otherwise 

Than what she ever seemed. 

278. From Lee, Essex. On Mr. William 

Hampton : — 

As Mary mourn'd to find the stone removed 
From o'er the Lord, who was her best belov'd, 
So Mary mourns that here hath laid this stone 
Upon the best beloved husband gone. 

279. On John Cole, who died suddenly while at 
dinner : — 

Here lies Johnny Cole, 

Who died, on my soul, 
After eating a plentiful dinner ; 

While chewing his crust, 

He was turn'd into dust, 
With his crimes undigested, poor sinner ! 

280. From Leigh Delamere Churchyard, Wilts: — 

Who lies here ? Who do 'e think ? 
Why, old Clapper Watts, if you'll give him some 
Give a dead man drink ? — for why ? [drink. 

Why, when he was alive he was always a-dry. 


281. From Lambeth Churchyard, on William 
Wilson : — 

Here lieth W. W. 

Who never more will trouble you, trouble you. 

282. On a Miser : — 

Reader, beware of immoderate love of pelf: 

Here lies the worst of thieves, who robbed himself. 

283. From the Old Cemetery, Newport, Mon- 
mouthshire : — 

On James Austin, Engine-driver. 

"He was a man." 


284. From the same place. On a Scotch Piper: — 

To the memory of Mr. John Macbeth, late piper 
to His Grace the Duke of Sutherland, and a native of 
the Highlands of Scotland : 

Died April 24th, 1852, Aged 46 years. 
Far from his native land, beneath this stone, 
Lies John Macbeth, in prime of manhood gone ; 
A kinder husband never yet did breathe, 
A finer friend ne'er trod on Albyn's heath ; 
His selfish aims were all in heart and hand, 



To be an honour to his native land, 

As real Scotchmen wish to fall or stand ; 

A handsome Gael he was of splendid form, 

Fit for a siege, or for the Northern Storm. 

Sir Walter Scott remarked at Inverness, 

" How well becomes Macbeth the Highland dress ! " 

His mind was stored with ancient Highland lore; 

Knew Ossian's songs, and many Bards of yore ; 

But music was his chief, and soul's delight, 

And oft he played, with Amphion's skill and might, 

His Highland pipe, before our Gracious Queen ! 

'Mong Ladies gay and Princesses serene ! 

His magic chanter's strains pour'd o'er their hearts, 

With thrilling rapture soft as Cupid's darts ! 

Like Shakespeare's witches, scarce they drew the breath 

But wished like them to say, " All hail, Macbeth ! " 

The Queen, well pleased, gave him, by high command, 

A splendid present from her Royal hand ! 

But nothing aye could make him vain or proud, 

He felt alike at Court, or in a crowd ; 

With high and low his nature was to please, 

Frank with the Peasant, with the Prince at ease. 

Beloved by thousands till his race was run, 

Macbeth had ne'er a foe beneath the sun ; 

And now he plays among the Heavenly bands, 

A diamond chanter never made with hands. 


285. From Wosborough Churchyard : — 

Here lyeth the body of Isabella, the wife of John 
Carrington : 
Who had 9 children deare, 

4 died before her, 
5 are living heare ; 

Kind to her husband, 
Faithful to her friend, 

And a loving mother, 
Till her life did end. 

Who departed this life 6th Aug., 1674. 

286. From Wortley Churchyard : — 

William Rogers, of Bank, died August 29th, 1771; 
aged 49. 
The man that lies here 

To pride was not inclined ; 
By endeavours and care 
He left something behind. 

287. From the Wesleyan Chapel, Wakefield : — 

Her manners mild, her temper such ! 
Her language good, and not too much. 


288. From America. 

The following is the conclusion pf an epitaph 
on a tombstone in East Tenessee : — 

" She lived a life of virtue, and died of cholera morbus, 
caused by eating green fruit, in the full hope of a blessed 
immortality, at the early age of twenty-one years, seven 
months, and sixteen days. Reader, go thou and do 

289. On the Distinguished Clown, Grimalbi : — 

Here I am. 

290. On the Comedian, Foote : — 

FOOTE from his earthly stage, alas 1 is hurled : 
Death took him off who took off all the world. 

291. On the Actress, Mrs. Oldfield : — 

This we must own in justice to her shade, 
'Tis the first bad exit OLDFIELD ever made. 

292. From Clerkenwell Churchyard : — 

Near this monitor of human instability are deposited 
the remains of ANN, the wife of . She resigned 


her life the 8th day of November, 1784, aged thirty-seven 

She was ! — 

But words are wanting to say what ! 

Think what a wife should be, 

And she was that. 

(See Nos. 4, 189, and 196.) 

293. From Caermarthen Churchyard: — 

The Old must go, Wee all agree, 
So must the Young, Wee plainly see. 
Repent in time, and seek for Grace, 
This world is no abiding place. 

294. From the same place : — 

Praises on tombs are trifles vainly spent, 
A man's good name is his best monument. 

295. From the same place. On Thomas Hughes, 

Mariner : — 

Having served for many 

Years in the royal navy, 

He spent his later years 

In the costing trade. 


296. From the same place, on the tomb of Thos. 
Jones, Esq. : — 

This notice is here given, if any person or Persons do 
any Damage to this Tombstone will be subject to a 
Penalty of Hundred Pounds for such deed, to be paid 
to the official Clergyman of this Parish. 

297. From Wrexham Churchyard : — 

Born in America, in Europe bred, 
In Africa travell'd, and in Asia wed. 

298. From Byford Churchyard : — 

As you are in health, and spirits gay, 
I was, too, the other day ; 
I thought myself of life as safe 
As those that read my epitaph. 

29.9. From Wrexham Churchyard : — 

Here lies five babes and children dear, 
Three at Oswestry, and two here. 

(See No. 176.) 

300. From the same place : — 



Here lies Jane Shore, 
I say no more, 
Who was alive — 
In sixty-five. 

301. From New Jersey: — 

Died of thin shoes, January, 1839. 

302. On Crethon of Tarentum : — 

Who once had wealth, not less than Gyges' gold ; 
W 7 ho once was rich in stable, stall, and fold ; 
Who once was blessed above all other men 
With lands — how narrow now, so ample then. 

The idea here contained is nicely amplified in 
Shakespeare's play of Henry IK, Act v., Scene 4. 
Prince Henry, as he bends over the faller 
Hotspur, says : — 

When that his body did contain a spirit, 

A kingdom for it was too small a bound ; 

But now two paces of the vilest earth is room enough 

303. From Tamworth Churchyard : — 

To the memory of 
Mary Knight, aged 25 : 


She faded from the sight as flowers 
In summer fade ; she vanished as the rain 
After sultry showers ; she sank pale and lovely, 
Like the fleecy snow, which in the sunbeam 
Melts ; and we have laid her in her peaceful 
Resting-place, to wait the coming of her Lord. 

304. From Painswick Churchyard, near Stroud, 
Gloucestershire : — 

My wife is dead, and here she lies, 
Nobody laughs and nobody cries ; 
Where she is gone to, or how she fares, 
Nobody knows, and nobody cares. 

305. From Ireland : — 

Here lies Mrs. CASEYS, 
Who taking her aise is, 

With the points of her toes 

And the tip of her nose 
Turned up to the roots of the daisies. 

306. From Wales : — 

She had two bad legs and a very bad cough, 
But it was the bad legs that carried her off. 


This is on the authority of Major Austin, but 
I am informed a fuller edition of it is to be seen 
in a Devonshire Churchyard. (See 310.) 

307. From a Churchyard near London : — 

Stop, reader ! I have left a world 
In which there was a world to do ; 

Fretting and stewing to be rich — 
Just such a fool as you. 

308. From St. Mary's, Shrewsbury: — 

Let this small monument record the name 
Of BADMAN, and to future times proclaim 
How, by 'n attempt to fly from this high spire, 
Across the Sabrine stream, he did acquire 
His fatal end. 'Twas not for want of skill, 
Or courage to perform the task, he fell ; 
No, no ; a faulty cord being drawn too tight, 
Hurried his soul on high to take her flight, 
Which bid the body here good-night. 
Feb. 2nd, 1739. Aged 28. 

309. From Wapley, Gloucestershire : — 

A time of death there is, 
you know full well. 


But when, or how 'twill come, 

no man can tell. 
At midnight, morn, or noon : 

remember then, 
Death is most certain, though 

uncertain when. 

310. From Devonshire : — 

Poor Mary Snell, her's gone away ; 
Her would if her could, 

But her couldn't stay ; 
Her had sore legs, and a baddish cough, 
But her legs it were that carried her off. 

311. From Lichfield, Connecticut: — 

Sacred to the memory of inestimable worth, of un- 
rivalled excellence and virtue [then the name], whose 
ethereal parts became seraphic on the 25th day of May, 

312. From San Diego : — ■ 

Here lies the body of James Hambrick, who was 
accidentally shot on the Pacus River by a young man. 
He was accidentally shot with one of the large Colt's 
revolvers, with no stopper for the cock to rest on. It| 

i 5 o 


was one of the old-fashioned kind, brass-mounted, and 
of such is the kin«;dom of Heaven. 

'& v 

313. On a Linen-draper: — 

Cotton and calicos all adieu, 

And muslins, too, farewell ; 
Plain, striped, and figured, old and new, 

Three-quarter, yard, or ell. 
By nail and yard I've measured ye, 

As customers inclined. 
The churchyard now has measured me, 

And nails my coffin bind. 

314. From Llanfylantwthyl, Wales. On an 
Organ Blower: — 

Under this stone lies MEREDITH MORGAN, 
Who blew the bellows of our church organ. 
Tobacco he hated, to smoke most unwilling, 
Yet never so pleased as when pipes he was filling. 
No reflection on him for rude speech could be cast, 
Though he gave our old organ many a blast ! 
No puffer was he, though a capital blower ; 
He could blow double C, and now lies a note lower. 

315. From Bury St. Edmunds. On a Printer: — 


Like a worn-out type he is returned to the founder, in 
hopes of being re-cast m a better and more perfect mould. 

316. From a Churchyard in Essex: — 

Here lies the man Richard, 

And Mary his wife ; 
Their surname was PRITCHARD, 

They lived without strife. 
And the reason was plain : 

They abounded in riches, 
They had no care or pain, 

And the wife wore the breeches. 

317. On Mr. Jones, a celebrated bone mer- 
chant : — 

Here lies the bones of William Jones, 
Who, when alive, collected bones ; 
But Death, that bony, grizzly spectre, 
That most amazing bone collector, 
Has boned poor Jones so snug and tidy, 
That here he lies in bond fide. 

318. On a Photographer: — 

Here I am, taken from life. 


319. On a Mrs. Penny : — 

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, 

Dig five-feet deep, and you will find a Penny. 

3 20. From Penclawdd Churchyard, near Swansea 
Upon an only child : — 

I will make my first-born higher than the Kings of 
the Earth. 

321. From Mathern Churchyard, Chepstow: — 

To the memory of Joseph Lee, who died in 1825,, 
aged 103 years. 

Joseph Lee is dead and gone, 

We ne'er shall see him more ; 
He used to wear an old drab coat, 
All buttoned down before. 

122. On " Johnnie Laddie." 

In the Brachlach burying-place, near the Fort 
George Station, may be seen the following 
epitaph on one of the tombstones there : — 

Sacred to the memory of a character, JOHN CAMERON, 
"Johnnie Laddie," a native of Campbeltown, Ardersier, 



who died there August 26, 1858, aged 65 years. Erected 
to his memory by public subscription : 

Sixty winters on the street, 
No shoes nor stockings on his feet ; 
Amusement both to small and great, 
Was poor " Johnnie Laddie." 

323. From Poundstick Churchyard, Cornwall: — 

Both soul and body coming here to try 
The things of earth they found but vanity ;] 
So shaking hands with all he left in love, 
His body's here, his better part's above. 

324. From Bakewell, Derbyshire: — 

The local powers here let us mark 
Of PHILIP, our late Parish clerk : 
In church none ever heard a layman, 
With a clearer voice say Amen. 
Who now with Hallelujah's sound 
Like him can make the roof rebound ? 
The choirs lament his choral tones, 
The town so soon — here lie his bones. 

325. From the same place : — 

In memory of John Dale. 


Know, all posterity, that in the year of grace 1797 the 
rambling remains of the above said John Dale were laid 
upon his two wives : 

This thing in life might cause some jealousy : 
Here all three lay together lovingly ; 
But from embraces here no pleasure flows, 
Alike are here all human joys and woes. 
Here old John's rambling Sarah no more fears. 
And Sarah's chiding John no longer hears ; 
A period's come to all their toilsome lives : 
The good man's quiet. Still are both his wives. 

2,26. From Leek Churchyard : — 

As I was, so be ye ; 
As I am, ye shall be ; 
That I gave, that I have ; 
What I spent, that I had ; 
Thus I end all my cost ; 
What I left, that I lost. 

327. From Montmarte Cemetery: — 

Here lies A. B. 

Who at the age of eighteen 

earned .£40 a year. 


338. From a tombstone in Connecticut : — 

Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit, 
The wife of Deacon Amos Shute : 
She died of drinking too much coffee, 
Anny Dominy eighteen forty. 

329. From Bolton Churchyard, Lancashire: — 

She was, but words fail me to say what — 

Just think what a wife should be, and she was that. 

(See Nos. 4, 189, 196, and 292.) 

330. From Bath Abbey: — 

Here lies Ann Mann ; 

She lived an old Maid and she died an old Mann. 

The pun of the above is equalled by the 

331. On Owen Moore : — 

Owen Moore is gone away, 
Ovvin' more than he could pay. 

332. From Wrexham Church: — 


Here lies interr'd beneath these stones 
The beard, the flesh, and eke y e bones 
Of Wrexham's clerk, old DANIEL JONES. 

333. From Silkstone Churchyard : — 

JOHN TAYLOR, of Silkston, potter, died July 14th, 
18 1 5, aged 72; Hannah his wife, died August 13th, 
1815, aged 68 : 

Out of the clay they got their bread ; 

Themselves of clay (or dust) were made ; 

To clay returned, they now lie dead ; 

In churchyard clay all must be laid. 

His wife to live without him tried, 

Hard found the task, fell sick and died ; 

And now in peace their bodies lie, 

Until the dead be called on high, 

New moulded for their home — the sky. 

334. From Edinburgh : — 

Here lies JOHN and his Wife 
Janet McFee : 
40 hee — 30 shee. 

335. On Thomas Day : — 

Here lies TOMMY Day, 
Removed from over the way. 


336. From Lambeth Churchyard, Surrey: — 

On Mary, the wife of William Cubett, who died 

February 2nd, 178$, aged 51. 

She was, but words are wanting to say what — 

Think what a wife should be, and she was that. 

(See Nos. 4, 189, 196, 292, and 329.) 

337. On Mr. Woodcock: — 

Here lies the body of Thomas WOODHEN, 

The most loving of husbands and amiable of men. 

N.B. — His name was Woodcock, but it wouldn't rhyme. 

Erected by his loving widow. 

338. On a Barren Woman : — 

Here lies the body of barren Peg, 

Who had no issue but one in her leg ; 

But while she was living she was so cunning 

That when one stood still the other was running. 

339. On Sir William Curtis : — 

Here lies William Curtis, late our Lord Mayor, 
Who has left this here world and gone to that there. 

1 5 8 EPITAPH I ANA . 

340. On a Coroner who hanged himself: — 

He lived and died 
By suicide. 

341. From St. Nicholas, Yarmouth : — 

Here lyeth y e body of 

Sarah Bloomfield, 

Aged 74. 

Cut off in blooming yuthe, we can but pity. 

342. From Pewsey Churchyard : — 

Here lies the body of 

Lady O'Looney, 

Great niece of Burke, commonly called 

the sublime ; 

She was 

Bland, passionate, and deeply religious : 

Also she painted in water-colours, 

And sent several pictures to the Exhibition. 

She was first cousin to Lady Jones. 

And of such is the kingdom of heaven. 

343. On a Quack : — 

I was a Quack, and there are men who say 
That in my time I physicked men away, 


And that at length I by myself was slain, 
By my own doings ta'en to relieve my pain. 
The truth is, being troubled with a cough, 
I, like a fool, consulted Dr. Gough, 
Who physicked to death at his own will, 
Because he's licensed by the State to kill. 
Had I but wisely taken my own physic 
I never should have died of cold and 'tisick. 
So all be warned, and when you catch a cold 
Go to my son, by whom my medicine's sold. 

344. On a Teetotaller. Taken from the European 
Magazine of March, 1796 : — 

Here lies Ned Rand, who on a sudden, 
Left off roast beef for hasty pudding ; 
Forsook old stingo, mild, and stale, 
And every drink for Adam's ale ; 
Till flesh and blood, reduced to batter, 
Consisting of mere flour and water, 
Which, wanting salt to keep out must, 
And heat to bake it to a crust, 
Mouldered and crumbled into dust. 

045. From Dortmund Cemetery, Westphalia: — 

Heinrich Bruggeman heissich, 
Nach dem Himmel reise ich, 


Will mal seh'n was Jesus macht, 
Liebe Bruder, gute nacht. 

346. On Robin Hood : — 

Hear underneath this latil stean 
Laiz Robert Earl of Huntington, 
Nea arcir ver az hie sa geud, 
An pipel kauld him Robin Heud. 
Sich atlaz az he an iz men 
Vil England nior si agen. 

Obit 24 Kalend, Dikimbris, 1247. 

347. From Hewelsfield, near St. Briavels : — 

Farewell, vain World, I know enough of thee, 
I value not what thou canst say of me ; 
Thy smiles I court not, nor thy frowns I fear ; 
All's one to me, my head lies quiet here : 
What thou see'st amiss in me take care to shun ; 
Look well at home, there's something to be done. 
Jonna Edwards, 
of Harthill Court, 
Died November 14th, 1838. 

348. From St. Nicholas', Yarmouth : — 

Hereiies JOHN Moore, a miser old, 
Who filled his cellar with Silver and Gold. 


(h) Old Moore he cried, old Moore, old Moore, 
'Twas clear he would not close the door, 
And yet cried (h) Old Moore, Old Moore. 

349. From the same place, on a Dyer : — 

Here lies a man who first did dye 

When he was 24, 
And yet he lived to reach the age 

Of hoary hairs fourscore. 
But now he's gone, and certain 'tis 

He'll not dye any more 

350. From the same place : — 

Here lies JOHN WHEEDLE, Parish Beedle, 

Who was so very knowing ; 
His wisdom's gone, and so is he, 

Because he left off growing. 

351. From the same place : — 

Here lies one, a sailor's bride, 

Who widowed was because of the tide ; 

It drowned her husband — so she died. 

352. On a Member of the House of Lords : — 

1 1 


Ultimum Domum : 

Did he who wrote upon this wall, 
Ere read or disbelieve St. Paul ? 
Who tells us that in foreign lands 
There is a house not made with hands : 
Or must we gather from these words 
That house is not a House of Lords ! 

353. From New Jersey : — 

She was not smart, she was not fair, 

But hearts with grief for her are swellin' ; 

All empty stands her little chair : 
She died of eatin' water-melon. 

354. From Berkeley Churchyard. On a fool : — 

Here lies the Earl of Suffolk's fool, 

Men called him DlCKY PEARCE : 
His folly served to make folks laugh, 

When wit and mirth were scarce. 
Poor Dick, alas S is dead and gone — 

What signifies to cry ! 
Dickys enough are still behind, 

To laugh at by-and-by. 


355. From the same place : — 

Here lyeth THOMAS PEIRCE, whom no man taught, 
Yet he in Iron, Brasse, and silver wrought ; 
He Jacks, and Clocks, and watches (with Art) made 
And mended, too, when other worke did fade. 
Of Berkeley five tymes Mayor this Artist was, 
And yet this Mayor, this Artist, was but Grasse. 
When his own Watch was Downe on the last Day, 
He that made watches had not made a Key, 
To wind it Vp, but Vselesse it must lie, 
Until he Rise AGaine no more to die ! 

Deceased the 25 th of February, 1665, ^Etatis, 77. 

356. On a Pig-butcher at Cheltenham : — 

Here lies a true and honest man, 
You scarce would find such a one in ten ; 
For killing pigs was his delight, 
Which art he practised day and night. 

357. From Hewelsfield, near St Briavels. On 
Henry Brown, who died Sept. 10, 1794, 
aged 48 years : 

It was an Imposthume 
in my Breast 

1 6 4 


That brought me to 
eternal Rest. 

358. On a Good Wife. From Streatham Church, 
Surrey : — 

Rebecca, wife of William Lynne, 
who died in 1663. 

Might I ten thousand years enjoy my life, 
I could not praise enough so good a wife. 

359. A monument in the same church bears 
testimony to the virtues of 

Elizabeth, wife of Major-Gen. Hamilton, 

who was married near forty-seven years, 


Never did one thing to disoblige her husband. 

She died in 1746. 

360. From the Churchyard of Aloes, Elgin, the 
following account of another Good Wife is 
copied from a gravestone dated 1580 : — 


Here lies 

Anderson of Pittensen, 

Maire of the Earldom of Moray, 

With his wife Marjory, 

Whilk him never displicit. 

361. On an Author: — 



Note. — The Figures refer to the Number of the Epitaph. 

Angler, on an 

• 197 

Country Sexton, on a 

10, 69 

Anonymous . 

. 230 

Cowper, William . 

. 260 

Author, on an 

• • 361 

Crethon .... 

. 302 

Curtis, Sir William 

• 339 

Bancroft, Archbis 

hop . . 62 

Barren Woman 

• • 338 

Day, Thomas 

• 335 

Barras, Robert 

. 184 

Draper, on a . 

• 313 

Baskerville, John . 

• 73 

Dryden, Mrs. . 

. 172 

Beck, William 

. 188 

Dwarf, on a . 

• 249 

Bennett, James Gor 

ion . . 102 

Bentley, Dr. . 

. 126 

Elizabeth L. H. . 

. 240 

Blundering epitaphs 

no, in. 112 

Ennui, on one troubled witr 

■ 199 

Bone Merchant, on 

a . .317 

Epigrammatic . . 1 

57, 257 

Boxer, on a 

. 71 

Briefest on record 

, 161 

Fergusson, Robert 

• 83 

Brothers, on two 

. 186 

Fiddler, on a . 

. 192 

Brougham, Lord 

• 39 

Foote the Comedian 

. 290 

Bunn, John 

. 141 

Franklin, Dr. . ' . 

. 106 

Burns, Robert 

. , 67 

French Dwarf 

• 243 

Byron, Lord . 

. 267 

Freeland, Rebecca . 

• i73 

Friday, unlucky Ship 

. 212 

Cardinal, on a 

. 116 

Charles, King 

. 242 

Gold-digger, on a 

• i59 

Chantres, Col. 

. 236 

Greenwood, Dr., Wife of 

. 72 

Chest, Rev. John 

. 248 

Grimaldi the Clown 

. 289 

Child, on a 

. 140 

Grindstone, from a . 

• 25 

Cole, John 

. 279 

Grose, Francis 

• 5o 

Collier, on a 

. 179 

Collier, John 

. 44 

Hill, John . 

• i54 

Combe, Mr. 

. 239 


• 150 


. 104 

Hood, Robin . 

• 346 

Corbett, Mr. 

• 205 

Horse, Mr. 

• 255 

Coroner, on a 

. 340 

Husband and wife . 

. 181 



80, 163 


Icy One, an . . . . 149 

Infant, on an . . . 120, 146 

Infidel, on an . . . .24 

Italian, on an . . . .21 

James, G. P. R. . . .118 
Jack and Joan . . .237 

"Jerusalem Delivered," on the 

Author of . . .162 
Joblin, George . . • 19 
Jonson, Ben . 

Kemp, Thomas 
Killed by a pump . 
Knight, Charles 

Laddie, Johnnie . . . 322 

Landlord, on a . . -74 

Lawyer, on a . . . .16 

Llewellyn, William . .91 

London Cook . . -32 

Long, Miss . . .64 

Lords, Member of House of . 352 

McPherson John . . 142 

Miser, on a . . . 202 

Miser, on a . 2, 29, 31, 66, 282 
Moore, Owen . . . .331 
Mum, Susan . . . .187 

Musician, on a . . . 207 

Newton, Sir Isaac . . 203 
Ned, Honest . . . -55 
Norton, Roger . . .148 
N., E 23 

Oldfield, Mrs.,. the Actress. 291 
Old one ..... 139 
Organ Blower, on an . , 314 

Painter, on a . . . 225 

Pardon, Edward . . . 200 

Parnell, Thomas . . .82 

Penny, Mrs. . . . .319 

Phonetic epitaph . . .109 

Photographer, on a . .318 

Poet, on a . . .42 
Pope Adrian .... 204 

Popish epitaph 
Political one . 
Potter, Dr. . 
Prior, Matthew 
Provost of Dundee 

Quack, on a . 
Queer epitaph 

Rich Man, on a 
Rosewell, John 

Sailor, on a . 
Saul, Daniel . 
Scott, Margery 
Shakespeare . 
Simple one 
Smoker, on a . 
So, John 
Spendthrift, on a 
Steel, Pat 
Stokes, Mrs. . 
Stone, Mrs. . 
Strange, Sir John 
Sullen, John . 
Surgeon, on a 

Tailor's Wife, on a 
Teetotaler, on a 
Tessin, Count 
Thumb, Christopher 
Tippler, on a . 

Violinist, on a bad 
Virgil . 

Wesleyan Minister 
White, John . 
Wife, on a 54, 160, 358, 
Wife, on a French . 
Wife, on a Virtuous 
Woodcock, Mr. 
Wotton, Sir Henry 
Woman, on a . " 
Wren, Sir Christopher 

Yorkshire Cook . 


Note. — The Figures refer to the Number of the Epitaph. 




. 220 

Al ban's, St., Abbe) 

r t , 


Cameley, Somerset . 

. 107 



Cheltenham . . .2 

3i, 356 

Allowa . 


Cherening-le-Clay . 

. 94 

America 5, 35, 10 

, I02, 222 


63, 259 


, 288, 311, 


Chipping Sodbury . 

• 254 




. 92 


.' 9«; 


Clerkenwell . 

. 292 
. 76 

Babington . 


Cork .... 

. 99 


• 324, 



. 104 




. 238 

Barking . 


Creltow .... 

. 211 

Barrow . 


Crimea .... 

. 18 



Curmwallen . »•'.-• 

. 178 

Barton Stacey 


Barton . 


Dartford . 

. 272 

Bath . . 33, 

45, 46, 47, 


Devizes .... 

. 87 


'5 1 


17, 3 J o 


• 354, 


Dortmund, Westphalia . 

• 345 



Dunmore, Ireland . 

• 253 



Bidston . 


East Grinstead . 

. 268 

Birmingham . 



5i, 334 

Bishop's Canning . 


Ely .... 

• 145 



Essex .... 

. 316 

Bolton . 


Eton College . 

. 84 



Everton .... 

. 156 

Bride's, St. . 


Eton .... 

• 15 

Bristol . 

• 95, 


Broom . 


Frome .... 

. 152 

Bruton . 


Bury St. Edmunds 

• 147, 


Gloucester . 

. 41 

Byford . 



. 60 

Caermarthen 293 

, 294, 295, 



. 224 



Hatfield . . . . 271a 

Henley 246 

Hereford 133 

Hewelsfield, near St. Briavels 

347, 357 
High Wycombe . . . 209 
Hordle, near Lymington . . 44 
Horsleydown . . . 78, 273 
Houghton, Hunts . . .20 
Hyden 153 



Karl Keel . 
Kensal Green . 
Kingston . 

Lee . 


Leigh Delamere 


London . 

Loughor . 

Lydford . 

Maidstone . 
Marnhull . 
Melrose . 
Michaelchurch . 
Montrose . 
Morville . 

Naples . 
Nettlebed, Oxfordshire 
Newbury . 
New Jersey 
Newport, Mon. 
New York 
Northampton . 
Norwich Cathedral 



34, 305 


. in 

215, 217 

275, 276 
. 22 

281, 336 

• 3 2 6 
. 280 

• 7,8 

• 307 
250, 251 

. 28 

. 216 

• 14 
. 105 
. 271 

• 4 
. 40 

. 112 

• 327 
. 219 

. 270 

• 138 
. I3O 
. 129 

3oi, 354 

283, 284 

. 164 

• "5 
. 136 

Ockham . 
Oldbury-on- Severn . 


Paul's Wharf, London 



Pewsey . 




Preston, near Weymouth 


Ripon Cathedral 
Rothesay . 
Royton . 


San Diego 

Scotland . 




Silkstone . 

South Wales 

St. Paul's 




Swansea 189, 190, 195, 


Taibach . 


Taunton . 





• 213 
■ 303 
. 191 

• "3 

. 182 
. 261 

Upton-on-Severn . . 100 

Venice 132 

Wakefield .... 287 
Wales . . 6, 57, 306, 314 

Wapley 309 

Webley 226 


Wed more 

Westminster Abbey 
Whitby . 
Woolstanton . 
Wortley . 
Wosborough . 

93 I Wrexham . 297, 299, 300, 33Z 

[71 I 
[94 Yarmouth 341, 348, 349, 350, 351 





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14 Samuel Tinsley's Publications. 

HARRY'S BIG BOOTS : a Fairy Tale, for » Smalle 
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A NOTHER WORLD; or, Fragments from the Star 
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Author of " Helen," etc. Price id. 

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" Entertaining."— /W/ Mall Gazette. 

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"Particularly entertaining." — Public Opinion. 

" A curious and entertaining volume." — Oxford Chronicle. 

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-■- Dedicated to Liberals of all classes. By Philhelot. 
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Samuel Tinsley's Publications. 15 

POEMS AND SONNETS. By H. Greenhough 
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TV/TISPLACED LOVE. A Tale of Love, Sin, Sorrow. 
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16 Samuel Tinsley's Publications. 


TTNTRODDEN SPAIN, and her Black Country. 
Being Sketches of the Life and Character of the Spaniard of the 
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The Saturday Review says— " His title of 'Untrodden Spain' is no 
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readers to get it and search for themselves. Those who are most inti- 
mately acquainted with Spain will best appreciate its varied excellences." 

The Spectator says — "The author's kindliness is as conspicuous as his 
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people inspires his pen as happily as does his artistic appreciation of the 
country ; and both have combined in the production of a work of striking 
novelty and sterling value." 

The Athenaeum says — ' ' We regret that we cannot make further extracts, 
for ' Untrodden Spain ' is by far the best book upon Spanish peasant life 
that we have ever met with." 

The Literary Churchman says- "Seldom has a book of travel come 
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the reading was over, so distinct an impression." 

ESLAMIAH ; or, Travels in the Summer of 1875 through 
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Montenegro to the North of Albania. By James Creagh, 
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TTALY REVISITED. By A. Gallenga (of The 
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CANTON AND THE BOGUE : the Narrative of an 
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