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Full text of "An essay in defence of the female sex. : In which are inserted the characters of a pedant, a squire, a beau, a vertuoso, a poetaster, a city-critick, &c. in a letter to a lady."

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jumrd ruiy Bcwberjirst began ,T/ie Ba rfrer Surgecnen^sr *? 

A N 


1 1 Defence of the 


h which are inferred the 


O F 

A Pedant, 
A Squire, 
A Beau, 

A VertucJQ, 
A Pceta/ier, 

In a Letter to a Lady. 

Written by a Lady. 

Since tack is fond of his own ugly Face j . 
Whjjhou'dyou when -m hold it break the Glafs? 

Prol. to Sir F. Fluttir. 


Printed for A Roper and £. Wilkinfon at the Black %, 
and R, Clavd at the Peacock, in Fieetftreet, 1696. 

m ■ 1 1 » m i mm m i Ml -"! 


/ I 

/ ^73 

To Her ^qyal Highnefs the 

Prihcefs Anne o/Deftmark. 


IF in adventuring to lay this little 
Piece at your Highneilesireet, and 
humbly beg your Royal Protection 
of it, I have prefum'd too far 7 be pleas'd 
to impute it to your own 5 moit graci- 
ous Goodnefs^the knowledge of which 
encourag'd me. Our Sex are by Na- 
ture tender of their own Off-fpring^ 
and may be allow'd to have more 
fondnefs for thofe of the Brainy then 
any other ; becaufe they are io few, 
and meet with fo ma:ny Enemies at 
their firft appearance in the World* 
I hope therefore to find pardon^if like 
an indulgent Parent 3 I have endea- 
vour'd to advance my firft Born, by 
entering it very early into your High- 
n^fifes Service. 

A * i 


I have not preium'd to approach 
your Highnefs out of any Confidence 
in the merits of this Eflay^but of the 
Caufe which it pleads, wherein the 
Honour of the whole Sex feem'd to 
exaft of me no lefs a Patronage than 
that of the Beft, as well as Greateft 
among em, whom they are all am- 
bitious to fee at their head. I have 
only endeavour'd to reduce the Sexes 
to a Level, and by Arguments to 
raife Ours to an Equallity at moil 
with the Men : But your Highnefs 
by Illuftrious Example daily convin- 
ces the World of our Superiority, 
and we lee with wonder, Vertues in 
you, Madam, greater than yout Birth. 
In this I am peculiarly happy, that I 
am exempted from the common Task 
of other Dedicators, who lie under 
an Obligation of publifhing to the 
World thofe Excellencies of their 
Patrons, which perhaps appear no 
where but in their Epiftles. In me 
/it were as great folly, to pretend to 



make known the Illuftrious Qualli- 
ties of your Highnefs, as it wou'd be 
to go about to demonflrate by Ar- 
gument^ that the Sun ihin'd, to a 
Crowd that are warm' d by the Influ- 
ence of it. 

I had attempted the Character of 
a confummate Woman, could I, tho' 
but faintly have fliaddowM the ini- 
mitable Graces of you Highnefs; but 
the impoflibillity of that Task forcd 
me to defift. It were eafy here to 
lanch into thofe glorious particulars, 
which affirmed of any other than 
your Royal Highnefs, would have 
been extravagance of Flattery ; but 
to you Injuftice, and in me the high- 
eft prefumption^to attempt with my 
feeble Hand thofe Perfections, which 
the ableft mud fall infinitely fhort 
of. The luflre of your Royal Vertucs, 
Madam, like the Sun, gives us 
warmth and light, and while at a 
modeft diftance we admire it, im- 
proves our fight, which too bold a 
A -5 view 


yicw confounds., yet the meaneft anci 
moil ignorant fee thofe Glories^ 
which the mo(l exquifite Artift can 
never exprefs. T he World therefore 
will rather juftify than condemn my 
conducft, if I do not wrong fo bright 
an Original with a dark obfeure Copy. 
Madam, Tho' the world may con- 
demn my performance, it muft ap- 
plaud f$y choice in this Addrefs, and 
own that hacl I known as well how to 
|uq as to Inftance, I mud infalli- 
aave Triumph'd oyer all Qppofi- 
Hi It may be eafie to eyade,, or 
baffle the force of my Arguments, 
but it is impoUible without the ut- 
*noft Stupidity, and Injuftice to deny 
the manifeft Advantages of thole 
Illuftrious Graces, which raife your 
Highnefs fo far above theirs as well 
as your own Sex, In this I have im- 
itated the cpndud; of prudent Gene- 
pfe who, when they doubt the 
f efficiency of their ftrengrh, retire 
to fome ftrong Fort, an4 reft f£ 



cure under the Prote&ion of it, 
There is yet another Rea(or\jMadam y 
which tho' the leaft juftifiable, was 
neverthelefs moft prevalent with me 
to devote this Effay to your Highnefs. 
My Ambition to iliew the profound 
Refpe&s I have always had for your 
Highnefs, would not fafter me to let 
flip any occafion of expreffing k, e- 
yen tho I blufti for the meanes of it. 
Thus I find my fclf reduc'd by my 
Zeal, to the condition of poor Te- 
nants, who muft expofe their Pover- 
ty, to /hew their Affection to their 
Lord in a worthlefs Prefent. I am 
fenfible of the railinefs of my Ambi- 
tion in afpiring to the Patronage of 
Your Highnefs, and the need I have 
of an Apology ; but were I able to 
make one as I ought, I fhould have 
taken care to have had lefs occafion 
for it. Yet I doubt not from Your 
Goodnefs that Indulgence, which j 
cannot expert from Your Juftice 
por but that you will ( like Heaven 5 
A 4 whofe* 


whole more immediate Images Prin- 
ces are ) accept my unprofitable Ser- 
vice, for the imcerity with which it 
is tender'd. If my unfeigtrd Sub- 
miflion may procure pardon for my 
Prefumption, that Your Happinefs 
may equal Your illuftrious Vertues, 
and Your Royal Perfon be as far 
out of the reach of Fortune, as your 
Fame and Honour of Detraction, 
fhall ever be the prayers df 


Tour Royal Highnefs's 
moft Humble, mofl 
Oledient, and mofl 
Devoted Servant 

■» . « ■ .1.1 1 , mm , ,,, 

* " ' ' ■— " " '»'■ ■ ' > ■' ■ 1.1 H I ■ ! » 


PRefaces to wofl Books, are like Pro* 
locutors to Puppet-Shows , they 
come fir fl to tell you what Figures are 
to le prefented, and what Tricks they 
are to play. According therefore to 
ancient and laudable Cuftom, I have 
thought fit to let you know byway of Pre* 
face, orAdvertiJement,{callit which you 
pleafe ) that here are many fine Figures 
within to be feen, as well worth your 
curiofity, as any in Smithfield a/ Bar- 
tholomew Tide. I will not deny, Rea- 
der, but that you may have feen feme 
of' em there already, to thofe that have, 
I have little more to fay, than that if 
they have a mind to fee them again in 
Ejfigie, they may do it here. What is 
it you woud have ? Here are St* 
George's, Batemans, John Dories, 
Punchinello's, and the Creation of the 
World, or whafs as good ; here's the 
German Artifl: too, or one that can 
fhow more Tricks than he : If all this 
mil not invite you, fare grown more 



fqueamifh of late, Gentlemen, than you 
us* J to he, and the poor Bookfeller will 
make hut an indifferent Market of you. 
Well, let the worft come to the worft t 
'tis hut fhifting the fcene ft?Smithfield, 
and making an Intereft in half a dozen 
Vizor r Masks to he fur e of your Compa- 
ny : But he, good Man, is defirous to 
pleafe you at fir ft hand, and therefore 
has put a fine Figure in y the front to 
invite you in, fo like fome of you ( as 
he protefts ) that you ought never look 
in a Glafs again, if it offends you. For 
my part, I declare, he has atled clear 
againji my Opinion in this cafe, and fq 
he has heen told; for many a poor Man 
has loft the /bowing of his Monfter, hy 
gratifying the curiofity of the gaping 
Crowd with top exall a pitlure with" 
put doors. Befides, there* s an unlucky 
Rogue of a left-handed Barher, that 
looks like an ill Omen in the heginning. 
He was told too, that if he wou d pleafe 
tnoft of you, he ought to take example 
I) your Glaffes and flatter you. Tet 
he continued ohftinate and unmoveahle 
to all thefe weighty Reafons, and is fo 
fondly hent for his Pitlure, that he re- 
fold d againft all advice to have it. 



Nay, and he woud have Rhimes un- 
derneath it too, which, he fays, iveigh 
more with you, than all the Reafon in 
the world. I thought ft to let you 
know this, that the Bookfeller might 
not lofe the credit of his Fancy, if it 
takes with you, as he is perfwaded it 
will. For ypu mufl know, I am a great 
lover of flritl Jujlice, and therefore 
would by no means Rob, or Defraud 
him of the Glory of his Invention, or 
by any finifter way fullie, or diminifb 
the Honour, or Reputation of his Farts 
and Ingenuity. For the fame Reafon 
likewife I mufl acquaint you, that the 
Rhimes are none of mine neither ; and 
now my Hand is in, I dont much care 
if I tell you, that I am not very good 
at that ingenious Recreation, called 
(Crambo, from which fome rife to be 
very confide r able Rhimers, 1 his now 
is more then I was obligd to tell you, 
and therefore I hope no body will deny, 
but that I deal ingenuoufly at leaft 
with you. 

This one would think were Preface 
fufficient ; but there are fome Men fo 
impertinently, curious, that they mufi 
nfeds hav? a Reafon for every things 



that is done in the World, tho* it were 
in their' favour {for which perhaps it 
were hard to give a good one ) when 
it were their Inter eji to he fatisfied, 
and thankful without farther enquiry. 
To comply therefore in fowe meafure 
with the humour of thefe People, if a- 
ny fuch think fit toperufe this Book, I 
tnttft tell *cm very freely, that I was fo 
far from aiming to oblige, or d if oblige 
'em by it, that it was never intended 
for their View. It was occafion'd by a 
private Converfaticn, between fomc 
Gentlemen and Ladies, and written at 
the requeft, and for the Dherfion of 
one Lady more particularly, by whom 
with my confent it was communicated 
to two or three more of both Sexes, 
my Friends likewife. 

By them I was with abundance of 
Complements importund to make it 
publick ; now tho I do with good Rear 
fon attribute much more, of what was 
faid to me upon this Occafion, to their 
good Breeding and Friend/hip, than to 
their real Opinions of my Performance; 
yet I have Jo much fatisfatlion in their 
Sincerity,, and Friendfhip as to be con- 
fident they would not fujfer, mucklefs 



perfwade me to e&pofe to the world a* 
ny things of which they doubted fo far, 
as to think it would not be toller ally 
acceptable. Nor have I lefs affurance 
of their judgment and Skill in things 
of this nature, be fide that I have been 
inform d by fome of 'em, that it has 
been feen, and favourably receivd by 
fome Gentlemen, whom the world thinks 
no incompetent Judges. After all this 
Encouragement, I fuppofe, I fhall not 
be thought vain, if, as I pretend not 
to the applaufe, fo I fear not tk con* 
tempi of the world : Tet I prefume not 
fo far upon the Merits of what I have 
written, as to make my Name pub* 
lick with it. I have elfewhere held, 
that Vanity was almoft the univerfil 
mover of all our Aft ions, and confe* 
quently of mine, as well as of others ; 
yet it is mt ftrongcnougl] in me, to in* 
duce me to bring my Name upon the 
publick ft age of the World. 

There are many Reafons, that ob- 
lige me to this cautious, referv'd way 
oj procedure ; tho I might otfierwife 
e very ambitious of appearing in the 
defence of my Sex, co&d I p erf wade 
my feif, tlwt I was able to write any- 


thing futable to the dignity of the 
Subjett, which I am not vain enough 
to think. This indeed is one Reafon, 
lecaufe I am fenfible it might have 
heen much letter defended by abler 
TenSy fuch as many among our own Sex 
are; though I be'lieve fcarce thus much 
woud have been expected from me y by 
thofe that know met There is like- 
ivife another Reafon, which was yet 
more prevalent with me, and with thofe 
few Friends whom I confulted about 
it, which is this ; There are a fort of 
Men, that upon all occafwns think 
themfelves more concern' dj and more 
thought of than they are; and that 4 
like Men that are deaf, or have any 
other notorious Defeftj can fee no body 
ivhifper, or laugh, but they think 'tis 
at themfelves. Thefe Men are apt to 
think, that every ridiculous de]crip~ 
tion they meet with± was intended 
more particularly for feme one or other 
of them ; as indeed it is hard to paint 
any thing compleat in their feveral 
Kinds, without hitting many of their 
particular Features 4 even without draw- 
ing from theme The knowledge of this, 
with the conji deration of the tender - 



nefs of Reputation in our Sex ', {which 
as our delicateft Fruits and fin eft Flow- 
ers are moft obnoxious to the injuries 
of Weather, is fubmitted to every infe- 
tVtous Blaft of malicious Breath ) made 
me very cautious, how I expos V mine 
to fuch poifonous Vapours. I was not 
ignorant, how liberal fome Men are 
of their Scandal, whenever provoked, 
efpecially by a Woman * and how 
ready the fame Men are to be fo+ 
iho upon never fo miftaken Grounds. 
This made me refolve to keep y em in 
Ignorance of my Name, and if they have 
a mind to find me out, let 'em catch 
me {if they can) as Children at Blind* 
mans Buff do one another, HooAwinkt ;■. 
and I am of Opinion I have room enough 
to put 'em out of Breath before they 
come near me. 

The Event has in Effecl proved my 
fufpicio s Trophetick ; for there are {as 
I am inform d) already fome, fo for* 
tvard to intereft themfelves againft me, 
that they take Characters upon them* 
felves, before they fee f em; and, for 
fear they fhould want fome Body to 
throw their Dirt at, with equal Igno* 
ranee f and Injuftice Father this Piece 



upon the Gentleman, wloo was fo kind at 
to take care of the Publication of it, 
only to excufe me from appearing. This 
wade me once refolve to oppofe my In* 
uocence to their Clamour, and perfix 
my Name, which I thought I was 
hound to do in Juftice to him. In this 
Refolution 1 had perfifted, had not the 
'Very fame Gentleman generoujly per* 
fwaded, and over-rufd me to the con* 
trary, reprefenting how weak a defence 
Innocence is againjl Calumny, how o- 
pen the Ears of all the World are, and 
how greedily they fuck in any thing to 
the prejudice of a Woman ; and that ( to 
ufe his own Expreffwn ) the fcandal of 
fuch Men, was like Dirt thrown ly 
Chitdren, and Fools at random, and 
without Provocation, it would dawi fil- 
thily at fir ft, though it were eafily wafht 
iff again; Adding^ that he deft rd me 
not tt 1$ under any concern for him ; for 
he valued the Malice of fitch men, as lit* 
tie, as their Friendjhip, the one was as 
feeble, as tother falfe. 

I fuppofe I need make vo Apology to 
my own Sex for themeanefs of this de* 
fence ; the bare intention of ferving 
'em will .(/ hope he accepted, and of 



Men, the Candid and Ingenuous I am 
fure will not quarrel with me for any 
thing in this little Book ; fince there is 
nothing in it, which was not drawn from 
the ftrictefl Reafon I was Miflrefs of 
and the left Observations I was able to 
make, except a jlart or two only con- 
cerning the Sal i que Law, and the 
Amazons, which, if they divert not 
the Reader, cant offend him. 

I fkaU not trouble the Reader with 
any account of the Method I have ol~ 
ferv'd, he will eafily tlif cover that in 
reading the Piece it felf I /hall only 
take notice to him of one thing, which 
With a little attention to what he reads 
he will readily find to be true± that is, 
that the Characters were not written 
out of any Wanton Humour, or Malici- 
ous Defign to characlerize any T articu- 
lar Per/ons, but to illuflrate nhat I 
have faid upon the fever at Heads, under 
which they are rang'd, and reprefent not 
Jingle Men, but fo many Clans, or Di~ 
vi liens of Men, that play the Fooiferi*- 
oujly in the World, If any Individual 
Jeem to be, more peculiarly marttj it is 
becaufe he is perhaps more notorious 
tv the Wotld ,by fome one or more Arti* 


cles of the General Character here given 
I am Jure that there is no Man, who is 
hut moderately Accquainted with the 
World, efpecially this Town, but may 
find half a Dozen, or more Originals 
for every Pitlure. After all, if any 
Man have fo little Wit, as to appropri- 
ate any of thefe Characters to himfelf, 
He takes a liberty I have hitherto ne- 
ver given him, but fhall do it now in 
the Words of a Great Man, If any 
Fool finds the Cap fit him, let him 
put it on. 

There are fome Men, ( I hear ) who 
will not allow this Piece to be written 
by a Woman ; did I know what EJlimate 
to make of their Judgments, I might 
perhaps have a higher Opinion of this 
Triffle, than I ever yet had. For I 
little thought while I was writing this, 
that any Man ( efpecially an Ingenious 
Man ) [hould have thefcandal of being 
the reputed Author. For he muft 
think it fcandalous to be made to Father 
)a Womans Produtlions unlawfully. 
But thefe Gentlemen, Ifnppofe, believe 
there & more Wit, than they I find in 
this Piece, upon the Credit of the 
Bockfeller, whofe Inter eft it is to flatter 



it. But were it as well written as I 
could wijh it, or as the SubjecJ woud 
hear, and deferves ; I fee no reafon 
why our Sex fhoud be robb'd of the 
Honour of it ; Since there have been 
Women in all Ages, whofe Writings 
flight vie with thofe of the greatefl Men, 
as the Prefent Age as well as pafi can 
teflifie. I fh all not trouble the Reader 
with their names, becaufe I woud not 
he thought fo vain, as to rank my f elf 
among 'em ; and their names are already 
too well known, and celebrated to re- 
ceive any additional Lufire from fo. 
weak Encomiums as mine. I pretend 
not to imitate, much lefs to Rival thofe 
lOjuJlrious Ladies, who have done fo 
much Honour to their Sex, and are 
unanfwerable Proofs of, what I contend 
for. I only wife* thatfome Ladies now 
living among us ( whofe names I forbear 
to mention in regard to their Modejly) 
\voud exert themfelves, and give us 
more recent In/lances, who are both by 
Nature and Education fufficiently qua* 
lified to do it, which I pretend not to. 
I freely own to the Reader, that I 
know no other Tongue be fides my Native, 
except French, in which I am but very 
B z moderate 


moderately skilled. I plead not this 
to excufe the meanefs ofrry Terformance ; 
lecaufe I know, I may reasonably be 
ask'd, why 1 was fo forward to write; 
For that I have already given my rear 
fons above, if they will notfatisfie the 
Reader, he muft endeavour to pleafe 
him) elf "with letter, for lam very little 
folic it ous ahout the matter. I fhallon* 
ly add, that for my Good Will J hope 
the Favour of my own Sex? which will 
fytisfe my Ambition, 


To the Mod Ingenious Mrs.: — 
or her Admirable Defence 
of Her Sex. 

LOng have we fung the FanVd OrinaWs praife, 
And own'd Jftrexs Title to the Bays , 
We to their Wit have paid the Tribute due, 
But fhou'd be Bankrupt, before juft to you. 
Sweet flowing Numbers, and fine Thoughts they 
• writ; 

But you Eternal Truths, as well as Wit. 
In them the Force of Harmony we find, 
Jn you the Strength, and Vigour of the Mind. 
Park Clouds of Prejudice obfcur'd their Verfe, 
You with Victorious Profe thofe Clouds difperfe t 
Thofe Foggs, which wouM not to tfyeir Flame 

Vanifh before your Riling Sun of $j7ir. 
Like Stars, they only in Themfelves were bright, 
The whole Sex fhines by your reflected Light* 

Our Sex have long thro* Ufurpation reign'd, 
And' by their Tyranny their Rule maintain'd. 
Till wanton grown with Arbitrary Sway 
Depos'd by you They practice to obey, 
proudly fubmitting, when fuch Graces meet, 
Beauty by Nature, and by Conqueft Wit. 
for Wit they had on their own Sex entailtt, 
TiH for your felf, and Sex you thus prevail'd. 
Thrice happy §ex ) Whofe Foes rqch Pow'r 

And gives frefli Luftre to your nativ^Charms, 
Whole Nervous Senfe couch'din clot* Method 
•lies, ; 


Clear as her Soul, and piercing as her Eyes. 
If any yet fo ftupid fhou'd appear, 
As frill to doubt, what (he has made fo clear, 
Her Beautie's Arguments they would allow, 
And to Her Eyes their full Converfion owe. 
And by Experiment the World convince. 
The Force of Reafon's lefs, than that of Senfe. 
, Your Sex you with fuch Charming Grace de- 
While that you vindicate, youQurs amend : 
We in your Glafs may fee each foul defect. 
And may not only fee, but may correct. 

In vain old Greec* her Sages would compare, 
They taught what Men (hould be, you what 

they are 
Withdoubtfull Notiones they Mankind perplext, 
And with unpra&icable Precept vext 

In vain they ftrove wild Paflions to reclaim, 
Uncertain what they were, or whence they came. 
But you, who have found out their certain Source, 
May with a happier Hand divert their Courfe. 
Themfelves fo little did thofe Sages know, 
That to their Failings We their Learning owe. 
Their Vanity firft caus'd 'cm to afpire, 
And with feirce Wranglings fet all Greece on 

Fire : 
Thus into feels they fnlit the Grecian youth, 
Contending more for Victory than Truth. 
Your Speculations nobler Ends perfue, 
They aim not to be Popular, buwtrue. 
You with ftrict luftice in an equal Light, 
Expofe both Wit arid Folly to our Sight, 
Yet as the Bee feci? re on Poyfon feeds, 
Extracting Honey from the rankeft Weeds : 
So fafely you in Fools Inftructours find, 
And Wildom in the Follies of mankind. 

With pu « er Waves henceforth mall Satyr flow, 
And we this change t» your chaft Labours owe; 
Satyr before from a Polluted Source 
Brought Native Filth, augmented in its courfe. 
No longer muddy ihail thofe Streams appear, 


Which you have purg'd, and made To fweet, and 

Well may your Wit to us a wonder fcem, 
So ftrong's the Current, yet fo clear the frream, 
Deep, but not Dull, thro* each transparent Line 
We fee the Gems, which at the Bottom fliine. 

To your Correction freely we fubmit, 
Who teach us Modefty, as well as Wit. 
Our Sex with Blufiies muft your Conqueft own, 
While yours prepare the Garlands you have won. 
Your Fame fecure long as your Sex Ihall laft, 
Nor Time, nor Envy fliall your Lawrels blaft. 

James Drake, 

The Reader is defird to excuje y and correct 
all Liberal Efcafes y and to amend the fol- 
lowing thus. 


PAge 4. 1. 1 6. for Eugenia, read Eugenia, p. I o, 
1. xi. for that, read the, p. 28. 1. 16. for 
Mammy, read Mummy, p. 29. 1. 13. for change read 
chance* p. 3 2 . 1. 4. for R^«f . «w,reid Repetition, p $ 3 . 
I. 4- for £fay, read Efop. p 53. 1. 13. for MeJJteurs, 
t&tASicws. p. 60. 1. 2. read upon us. p. 84. 1. 1. 
for iwfcf tkefe t> t&d thefe. p. 10 j 1. 23. for little 
read little, p. 11 1. 1. 12. tor ocjicaons, tndtccajions* 
p. 1 1 3. 1. for Mafter, read Mafiery. p. 126. J. id. 
for *j well, read <w we// */. p. 143. 1. 9. for ivfpire, 
read infpires* 

I i ] 



In Defence of the 

Female Sex, &c> 

H E Convcrfation we had 
Mother day, makes me, Dear 
Madam, but more fenfibie 
of the unreafonablenefs of 
your defire ; which obliges me to 
inform you further upon a Subject, 
wherein I have more need of your 
iuftrudrioni. The ftrength of Judg- 
ment, iprightly Fancy, and admira- 
ble Addrefs, you fhew'd upon that 
Occafion, fpeak you fo perfedt a 
Miilrefs of that Argument (as -I 
doubt not but you are cf any other 
that you pleafe to engage in ) that 
whoever, Avould fpeak or write 
~^yeil on it, ought firft to be your 
£ Scholla-r, 

[ * ] 

Schollar. Yet to let you fee htfvv 
abfolutely you may command me, 
I had rather be your Eccho, than 
be filent when You bid me fpeak, 
and beg your excufe rather for my 
Failures, than want of Complacence* 
I know You will net aceufe me for 
a Plagiary if I return You nothing, 
but what I have glean'd from You, 
when You confider, that I pretend 
not to make a Prefent, but to pay 
the Intereft only of a Debt. Nor 
can You tax me with Vanity, fince 
no Importunity of a Perfon lefs 
lov'd, or valu'd by me than your 
felf could have extorted thus much 
from me. This Confideration leaves 
me no room to doubt but that you 
will with your ufual Candour par- 
don thole Defe&s, and correct thofe 
Errors, which proceed only from 
an over forward Zeal to oblige 
You, though to my own Difad- 

The defence of our Sex againft fo 
many and fo great Wits as have fo 
ftrongly at.ack'd it , may juftly 
feem a Task too difficult for a Wo- 

man to attempt. Not that I cari, 
or ought to yield, that we are by- 
Nature lefs enabled for fuch an En- 
terpize, than Men are; which I 
hope at leaft to fhew plaufible Rea- 
fons for, before I have done : But 
becaufe through the Ufurpation of 
Men, and the Tyranny of Cufloni 
( here in England efpecially ) there 
are at moft but few, who are by 
Education, and acquir'd Wit, or 
Letters fufficiently quallified for 
fuch an Undertaking. For my owii 
part I fhall readily own, that as 
few as there are, there may be 
and are abundance, who in their 
daily Converfations approve them- 
felves much more able, and fuffici- 
ent AfTertors of our Caufe, than 
my fclf ; and I am forry that ei- 
ther their Bufmefs, their other Di- 
verfions, or too great Indulgence of 
their Eafe, hinder them from doing 
publick Juftice to their Sex. The 
Men by Intereii or Inclination are 
fo generally engag'd againfl us, 
that it is not to be expected, that 
any one Man of Wit fhould arife fo 
generous as to engage in our Quar- 
B 2 rel, 

rel, and be the Champion of our 
Sex againft the Injuries and Op- 
pressions of his own. Thofe Ro- 
mantick days are over, and there 
is not io much as a Don Quixot of 
the Quill left to fuccour the diftref- 
fed Damfels. 'Tis true, a Feint 
of fomething of this Nature was 
made three or four Years fince by 
one ; but how much foever his Eu- 
genia may be oblig'd to him, I am 
of Opinion the reft of her Sex are 
but little beholding to him. For as 
you rightly obferv'd, Madam, he 
has taken more care to give an 
Edge to his Satyr , than force to 
his Apology; he has play 'd a (ham 
Prize, and receives more thrufts 
than he makes ; and like a falfe Re- 
negade fights under our Colours 
only for a fairer Opportunity of be- 
traying us. But what could be ex- 
pected elfe from a Beau ? An Anni- 
mal that can no more commend in 
earned a Womans Wit, than a 
Man's Perfon, and that compli- 
ments curs, only to (hew his own 
good Breeding and Parts. He le- 
vels his Scandal at the whole Sex, 


U I 

and thinks us fufficiently fortified, 
if out of the Story of Two Thou- 
faad Years he has been able to 
pick up a few Examples of Women 
iiluftrious for their Wit, Learning 
or Vertue, and Men infamous for 
the contrary ; though I think the 
mod inveterate of our Enemies 
would have fpar'd him that labour, 
by granting that all Ages have pro- 
duced Perfons famous or infamous 
of both Sexes ; or they muft throw 
up all pretence to Modefty, or 

I have neither Learning, nor In- 
clination to make a Precedent, or 
indeed any ufe of Mr. W's. laboured 
Common Place Book ; and fhall 
leave Pedants and School-Boys to 
rake and tumble the Rubbifh of 
Antiquity, and mufter all the He- 
roes and Heroins they can find to 
furniili matter for fome wretched 
Harangue, or (luff a miferable De- 
clamation with inftead of Senfe or 

8 3 I 

Sme *d x I fliall not enter into any difpute, 
vmaag*s u whether Men, or Women be gene- 
totbsdif rally more ingenious, or learned; 
t*riiy of that Point muft be given up to the 
Education. ac { vanta g es Men have over us by 
their Education, Freedom of Con- 
verfe, and variety of Bufmefs and 
Company. But when any Compa- 
rifon is made between 'em, great 
allowances muft be made for the 
difparity of thofe Circumftances. 
Neither fliall I conteft about the 
preheminence of our Virtues ; I 
know there are too many Vicious, 
and I hope there are a great many 
Virtuous of both Sexes. Yet this 
I may fay, that whatever Vices are 
found amongft us, have in general 
both their lburce^ and encourage- 
ment from them. 

The Queftion I fliall at prefent 
handle is, whether the time an in- 
genious Gentleman fpends in the 
Company of Women, may juflly 
be faid to be mifemploy'd, or not i 
I put the queftion in general terms ; 
becaufe whoever holds the affirma- 
tive muft maintain it fo, or the Sex 

is no way concerned co oppofe him. 
On the other fide I fhall not main- 
tain the Negative, but with fome 
Reflations and Limitations ; be- 
caufe I will not be bound to jufli- 
fic thofe Women, whofe Vices and 
ill Conduct expofe them deferved- 
ly to the Cenfure of the other Sex, 
as well as of their own. The Que- 
flion being thus ftated, let us con- 
fider the end and purpofes,for which 
Converfation was at firft inftituted, 
and is yet defirable ; and then we 
fliall fee, whether they may not all 
be found in the Company of Wo- 
men. Thefe Ends, I take it, are 
the fame with thofe we aim at in 
all our other Actions, in general 
only two, Profit or Pleafure. Thefe 
are divided into thofe of the Mind, 
and thofe of the Body. Of the 
latter I fhall take no further No- 
tice, as having no Relation to the 
prelent Subject; but fhall confine 
my felf wholly to the Mind, the 
Profit of which is the Improvement 
of the Underflanding , and the 
Pleafure is the Diverfion, and Re- 
laxa:io:i of its Cares and Paffions. 
B 4 Now 

[ 8 ] 
Now if either of thefe Ends be at- 
tainable by the Society of Women, 
I have gain'd my Point. However, 
I hope to make it appear, that they 
are not only both to be met with in 
the Converfation of Women, but 
one of them more generally, and iq 
greater meafure than in Mens. 

Our Company is generally by 
our Adverfaries reprefented as un- 
profitable and irkfome to Men of 
Senfe, and by fome of the more 
vehement Sticklers againft us, as 
Criminal. Thefe Imputations as 
they are unjuft, efpecially the lat- 
ter, fo they favour ftrongly of the 
Malice, Arrogance and Sottiflmefij 
of thofe, that mod frequently urge 
'em ; who are commonly either con- 
ceited Fops, whofe fuccefs in their 
Pretences to the favour of our Sex 
has been no greater than their Me- 
rit, and fallen very far fhort of their 
Vanity and Prefumption, or a fort 
of morofe, ill-bred, unthinking 
Fellows, who appear to be Men 
only by their Habit and Beards, 
and are fcarce diltinguiihable from 



Brutes but by their Figure and Ri- 
fibility. But I fhall wave thefe Re- 
flections at prefent, however juft, 
and come clofer to cmr Argument. 
If Women are not quallified for the 
Convecfation of ingenious Men, or, 
to go yet further, their friendihip, 
it mu ft be becaufe they want foine 
one condition, or more, neceflarily 
requifite to. either. The ncceflary 
Conditions of thefe are Senfe, and 
good nature, to which muft be ad- 
ded, for Friendihip, Fidelity and 
Integrity. Now if any of thefe 
be wanting to our Sex, it muft be 
either becaufe Nature has not been 
fo liberal as to beftow 'em upon 
us ; or becaufe due care has not been 
taken to cultivate thofe Gifts to a 
competent meaiure in us. 

The firft of thefe Caufes is that, 
which is moft generally urg'd a- 
gainft us, whether it be in Raille-? 
ry, or Spight. I might eafily cut 
this part of the Controverfy fhort 
by an irrefragable Argument, which 
is, that the expr-Js intent, and rea- 
ibn for which Woman was created, 


[ io] 

was to be a Companion, and help 
meet to Man ; and that corjfequent- 
ly thofe, that deny 'em to be fo, 
mud argue a Miftake in Provi- 
dence, and think themfelves wifer 
than their Creator. But thefe Gen- 
tlemen are generally fuch paffionate 
Admirers of themfelves, and have 
fuch a profound value and reve- 
rence for their own Parts, that they 
are ready at any time to facrifice 
their Religion to the Reputation of 
their Wit, and rather than lofe 
their point, deny the truth of the 
Hiftory. There are others, that 
though they allow the Story yet 
affirm, that the propagation, and 
continuance of Mankind, was the 
only Reafon for which we were 
made ; as if the Wisdom that firft 
made Man, cou'd not without trou- 
ble have continu'd that Species by 
the fame or any other Method, had 
not this been mofl conducive to his 
happinefs, which was the gracious 
and only end of his Creation. But 
thefe fuperficial Gentlemen wear 
their Underftandings like their 
Clodies, always let and formal; 


[.» ] 

and wou'd no more Talk that* 
Drefs out of Fafhion ; Beau's that, 
rather than any part of their out- 
ward Figure Ihou'd be damagd, 
wou'd wipe the dirt of their {hoes 
with their Handkercher, and that 
value themfelves infinitely more 
upon modifh Nonfenfe, than upon 
the bed Senle againfl the Fafliion. 
But fince I do not intend to make 
this a religious Argument, I fhall 
leave aM further Confiderations of 
this Nature to the Drvines, whole 
more immediate Bufmefs and Stu- 
dy in is to aflert the Wiillom of 
Providence in the Order, and diftri- 
bution of this World, againft all that 
Hi all oppofe it. 

To proceed therefore if we- be Ng d/n/t} _ 
naturally defe&ive, the DefecTt muft ti-onofsex* 
be either in Soul or Body. In }&&**** $**** 
Soul it can't be, if what I have 
hear'd ibme learned Men maintain, 
be true, that all Souls are equal, 
and alike, and that consequently 
there is no fuch diilinciion, as Male 
and Female Souls ; that there are 
no innate Ideas ^ but that all the 


[ 12 ] 

Notions we have, are deriv'd from 
our External Senfes, either imme- 
diately, or by Reflexion. Thefe 
Metaphyfical Speculations, I muft 
own Madam, require much more 
Learning and a ftronger Head, than 
I can pretend to be Miflrefs of, to 
be confider'd as they ought : Yet 
fo bold I may be, as to undertake 
the defence of thefe Opinions, when 
any of our jingling Opponents think 
fit to refute 'em. 

Xoadvati- Neither can it be in the Body, 
tageintbt ( if \ ma y credit the Report of lear- 
iimtfridr ne d Phyficians ) for there is no dif- 
Bodies. ference in the Organization of thofe 
Parts, which have any relation to, 
or influence over the Minds ; but 
the Brain, and all other Parts (which 
lam not Anatomift enough to 
name ) are contriv'd as well for the 
plentiful conveyance of Spirits, 
which are held to be the immedi- 
ate Inftruments ofSenfation, in Wo- 
men, as Men. I fee therefore no 
natural Impediment in the ftru&ure 
of our Bodies ; nor dees Experience, 
qi Obfervation argue any : We ufe all 


Lm] ■ 

our Natural Faculties, as well as 
Men, nay and our Rational too, de- 
ducting only for the advantages be- 
fore mention'd. 

Let us appeal yet further to Ex- cmfim?d 
perience, and obierve thole Crea-^^ £ ^'" 
tures that deviate leaft from fimple &&*. 
Nature, and fee if we can find a- 
ny difference in Senfe, or under- 
ftanding between Males and Fe- 
males. In thele we may fee Na- 
ture plained, who lie under no 
conftraint cf Cuftom or Laws , 
but thoft of Paffion or Appetite, 
which are Natures, and know no 
difference of Education, nor re- 
ceive any Byafs by prejudice. We 
fee great diftance in Degrees of 
Underftanding, Wit, Cunning and 
Docility ( call them what you 
pleafe ) between the feveral Species 
of Brutes. An Ape, a Dog, a 
Fox, are by daily Obfervation 
found to be more Docile , and 
more Subtle than an Ox, a Swine, 
or a Sheep. But a She Ape is as 
full of, and as ready at Imitation as 
a He: & Bitch will learn as many 


f '4] 
Tricks in as fhort a time as a Dog, 
a Female Fox has as many Wiles 
as a Male. A thoufand inftanc.s of 
this kind might be produc d ; but I 
think thefe are fo plain, that to 
inftance more were a fuperfluous la- 
bour ; I fhall only once more take 
notice, that in Brutes and other A- 
nimals there is no difference be* 
twixt Male and Female in point of 
Sagacity, notwithftanding there is 
the fame diftindtion of Sexes > that 
is between Men and Women. I 
have read, that fomc Philosophers 
have held Brutes to be no more 
than meer Machines, a fort of Di- 
vine Clock-work, that Adt only by 
the force of nice unfeen Springs 
without Senfation, and cry out 
wirhout feeling Pain, Eat without 
tlunger , Drink without Tliifft, 
fawn upon their Keepers without 
feeing 'em, hunt Hares without 
Smelling, &c. Here Madam is co- 
ver for our Ancagonifts againft the 
laft Argument fo thick, that there 
is no beating 'em out. For my 
part, I fhall not envy 'em their re- 
fuge, life 'em lie like the wild Irijh 


fecurc within their Boggs ; the field 
is at leafl ours, fo long as they 
keep to their Faftnefles. But to 
quit this Topick, I fhall only add, 
that if the learnedeft He of em all 
can convince me of the truth of 
this Opinion, He will very much 
flagger my Faith ; for hitherto I 
have been able to obferve no dif- 
ference between our Knowledge 
and theirs, but a gradual one ; and 
depend upon Revelation alone, 
that our Souls arc Immortal, and 
theirs not. 

But if an Argument from Brutes s xper/e „ C( 
and other Animals fhall not be al-^/;^ 
low'd as conclufive, (though I can't 
fee, why fuch an Inference fhould 
not be valid, fince the parity of 
Reafon is the fame on both fides 
in this Cafe, ) I fliall defire thofe, 
that ':old againft us to obferve 
the Country People, I mean the 
inferiour fort of them, fuch as not 
having Stocks to follow Husban- 
dry upon their own Score, fubfiffc 
upon their daily Labour. For a- 
mongft thefe, though not fo equal 


as that of Brutes, yet the Condi- 
tion of the two Sexes is mere le- 
vel, than amongft Gentlemen, Ci- 
ty Traders, or rich Yeomen. Ex- 
amine them in their feveral Bufi- 
neiTes, and their Capacities will ap- 
pear equal ; but talk to diem of 
things indifferent, and out of the 
Road of their conftant Employment, 
and the Ballance will fall on our 
fide, the Women will be found the 
more ready and polite. Let us 
look a little further, and view our 
Sex in a flate of more improve- 
ment, amongft our Neighbours the 
Dutch. There we fhall find them 
managing not only the Domeftick 
Affairs of the Family, but making* 
and receiving all Payments as well 
great as imall, keeping the Books, 
bailancing the Accounts, and do^ 
ing all the Bufinefs, even the niceft 
of Merchants, with as much Dexte- 
rity and Exadtnefs as their, or our 
Men can do. And I have often 
hcar'd iome of our confiderable 
Merchants blame the conduct of our 
Country-Men in this point ; that 
they breed our Women lb igno- 
rant ' 

C *7] 

rant of Bnfincfs ; whereas were 
they taught Arithmetick, and o- 
ther Arts which require not much 
bodily ftrength, they might fupply 
the places of abundance of lufty 
Men now employed in fedentary 
Bufinefs ; which Would be a migh- 
ty profit to the Nation by fending 
thofe Men to Employments, where 
hands and Strength are more re- 
quired, efpecially at this time wheti 
we are in fuch want of People, 
Befide that it might prevent the 
ruine of many Families, which is, 
often occafion'd by the Death of 
Merchants in full Bufinefs , and 
leaving their Accounts perplexed, 
and embroil'd to a Widdow and 
Orphans, who underftanding no- 
thing of the Husband or Father's 
Bufinefs occafions the Rending, and 
oftentimes the utter Confounding a 
fair Eftate; which might be pre- 
vented, did the Wife but under- 
ftand Merchants Accounts , and 
were made acquainted with the 

€ I have 

[ 18 ] 

I have yet another Argument 
from Nature, which is, that the 
very Make and Temper of our Bo- 
dies fhew that we were never de- 
fign'd for Fatigue ; and the Viva* 
city of our Wits, and Readinefs of 
our Invention ( which are confefs'd 
even by our Adverfarks ) demon- 
ftrate that wc were chiefly intend- 
ed for Thought and the Exercife of 
the Mind. Whereas on the contra* 
ry it is apparent from the ftrength 
and fize of their Limbs, the Vi- 
gour and Hardinefs of their Con- 
ilitutions, that Men were purpofe- 
Iy fram'd and contriv'd for Action, 
and Labour. And herein the Wif* 
dom and Contrivance of Providence 
is abundantly manifefted ; for as 
the one Sex is fortified with Cou- 
rage and Ability to undergo the 
neceflary Drudgery of providing 
Materials for the fuftenance of 
Life in both; fo the other is fui- 
ttifh'd with Ingenuity and Prudence 
for the orderly management and 
distribution of it, for the Relief and 
Comfort of a Family ; and is over 
and abjve enrich'd with a peculiar 

[ <p ] 

Tendernefs and Care requifite to 
the Cheriftiing their poor helplefs 
OtT-fpring. I know our Oppofers 
uilialiy mifcall our quicknefs of 
Thought, Fancy and Flafh, and 
chriften their own lieavinefs by the 
fpecious Names of Judgment and 
Solidity ; but it is eafie to retort 
upon 'em the reproachful Ones of 
Dullnefs and Stupidity with more 
Juftice. I fhall purfue this Point 
no further, but continue firm in. my 
Perfuafion,. that Nature has nor 
been ib Niggardly to us, as our 
Adverfaries would infinuate, till I 
fee better caufe to the contrary, 
tlieri I hare hitherto at any time 
done. Yet I am ready to yield 
to Convi&ioii , whoever offers 
it ; which I don't fuddenly ex- 

ft remains then for us to enquire, 
whether the Bounty of Nature be 
wholly neglected, or ftifled by us, 
Or fo far as to make us unworthy 
the-Company of Men ? Or whether 
our Education ( as bad as it is ) 
Ifc not -iufficient to make us a ufe- 
C 2. fu! ? 

[ 20 ] 

ful, nay a neceflary pare of Society 
for the greateft part of Mankind. 
This caufe is leldom indeed urg'd 
againft us by the Men, though it 
be the only one, that gives 'em a- 
ny advantage over us in under- 
Handing. But it does not ferve 
their Pride, there is no Honour to 
be gain'd by it : For a Man ought 
no more to value himfelf upon be- 
ing Wifer than a Woman, if he 
owe his Advantage to a better E- 
ducation, and greater means of In- 
formation, then he ought to boaft 
of his Courage, for beating a Man, 
when his Hands were bound. Nay 
it would be fo far from Honourable 
to contend for preference upon this 
Score, that they would thereby at 
once argue themfclves guilty both 
of Tyranny, and of Fear : I think 

&&**& * n not ' iave m€n:ion '4 r ^ ie J ac ~ 
hvinig- ter; for none can be Tyrants but 

n<r*w. Cowards. For nothing makes one 
Party flavifhly deprefs another, but 
their fear that they may at one 
time or other become Strong or 
Couragious enough to make them- 
fclves equal to, if not fupcriour to 


their Matters. This is our Cafe; 
for Men being fenfible as well of 
the Abilities of Mind in our Sex, 
as of the ftrength of Body in their 
own, began to grow Jealous, that 
we, who in the Infancy of the 
World were their Equals and Part- 
ners in Dominion, might in pro- 
eels of Time, by Subtlety and Stra- 
tagem, become their Superiours; 
and therefore began in good time 
to make ufe of Force (the Origine 
of Power ) to compell us to a Sub- 
jection, Nature never meant; and 
made ufe of Natures liberality to 
them to take the benefit of her 
kindnefs from us. From that time 
they have endeavour'd to train us 
up altogether to Eafe and Igno- 
rance; as Conquerors ufe to do to 
thofe, they reduce by Force, that 
fo they may difarm 'em, both of 
Courage and Wit; and consequent- 
ly make them tamely give up their 
" Liberty, and abjectly fubmit their 
Necks to a flaviih Yoke. As the 
• World grew more Populous, and 
• Mens NeceiTities whetted their In- 
ventions, fo it increas'd their Jea- 
C 3 loufie, 

[ 2* ] 
jfoufy, and ftiarpen'd their Tyranny 
over us, till by degrees, it came to 
that height of Severity, I may fay 
Cruelty, it is now at in all the 
Eailern parts of the World, where 
the Women, like our Negroes in 
pur Weftern Plantations, are bora 
flaves, and live Prifoners all their 
Lives. Nay, fo far has this barba- 
rous Humour prevail'd, and fpread 
it felf, that in fome parts of Europe, 
which pretend to be moft refin'd 
and eiviliz'd, in fpite of Chriftiani- 
ty, and the Zeal for Religion which 
they fo much affed:,ourConditipn is 
not very much better. And even 
in France, a Country that treats our 
Sex with more Refpedt than moft 
origin*} of &°> We are by the Salique Law ex- 
the saline- eluded from Soveraign Power. The 
f*». French are an ingenious People, and 
the Contrivers of that Law knew 
well enough, that We were no lels 
capable of Reigning, and Governing 
well, than themfelves ; but they 
were fufpicious, that if the Regal 
Power flioifd fall often into the 
hands of Women, they would fa- 
vour their own Sex, and might in 


f ** 3 

time reftore 'em to their Primitive 
Liberty and Equality with the Men, 
and fo break the neck of that un- 
reafonable Authority they fo much 
affecl: over us ; and therefore made 
this Law to prevent it. The Hi- 
ftorians indeed tell us other Rea- 
fons, but they can't agree among 
themfelves, and as Men are Parties 
againft us, and therefore their Evi- 
dence may juftly be rejected. To 
fay the truth Madam, I can't teJl 
how to prove all this from Ancient 
Records ; for if any Hiftories were, 
anciently written fey Women, Time, 
and the Malice of Men have effe- 
ctually confpir'd to fupprefs 'em; 
and it is not reafonable to think 
that Men fliou'd tranfmit, or fuffer 
to be tranfmitted to Posterity, any 
thing that might fliew the weak- 
nefs and illegallity of their Title to 
a Power they (till exercife fo arbi- 
trarily, and are fo fond of. But 
face daily Experience fliews, and 
their own Hiftories tell us, how ear^ 
neftly they endeavour, and what 
they a<St, and fuffer to put the fame 
Trick upon one another, 'tis natu- 
C 4 ral 

ral to fuppofe they took the fame 
rneafures with us at firft, which 
now they have effected, like the 
Rebels in our laft Civil Wars, when 
they had brought the Royal Party 
under, they fall together by the 
jtmsms\ Ears about the Dividend. The Sa- 
*>h they cre j Hiftory takes no notice of a* 
%ff*nj fu ^h Authority they had before 
Men. the Flood, and their Own confefs 
that whole Nations have rejected ic 
fince, and not fufTcr'd a Man to Jive 
amongft them, which cou'd be for 
no other Reafon, than their Tyran- 
ny. For upon lefs provocation the 
Women wou'd never have been fo 
foolifh, as to deprive themfelves of 
the benefit of that Eaie and Secu- 
rity, which a good agreement with 
their Men might have afforded 'em. 
'Tis true the fame Hiftories tell us, 
that there were whole Countries 
where were none but Men, which 
border'd upon 'em. But this makes 
ftill for us ; for it fhews that the 
Conditions of their Society were 
not fo eafie, as to engage their Wo- 
men to flay amongft 'em; but as li- 
berty presented it felf, they with- 

I>5 ] 
drew and retired to the Amazws t 
But fince our Sex can hardly bcaft 
of fo great Privileges, and to eafie 
a Servitude any where as in Engt 
land, I cut this ungrateful Digref- 
fion fliort in acknowledgment ; tho' 
Fetters of Gold are ftill Fetters, and 
the fofteft Lining can never make 
'em fo eafy, as Liberty. 

You will excufe, I know Madam. 

this ftiort, but neceffary DigreiTion 

I call it neceffary, becaufe it fliews 

a probable Reafon, why We are at; 

this time in fuch fubje<5rion to them, 

without leflening the Opinion of 

our Scnk, or Natural Capacities Sir 

ther at prcfent, or for the time 

paft ; befide that it briefly lays g- 

pen without any Scandal to our 

Sex, why our Improvements are at 

prefent fo difproportiond to thofe 

of Men. I wou'd not have any of 

our little, unthinking Adverfaries 

triumph at my allowing a difpro- 

portion between the Improvements 

of our Sex and theirs ; and I am 

fure thofe of 'cm that are ingenious 

Men, will fee no reafon for it from 

what I have faid. 4^ e ? 

[ 26] 

After having granted fo great a 
difparity as I have already done in 
the euftomary Education, and ad- 
vantagious Liberties of the Sexes, 
'twere Nonfenfe to maintain, that 
pur Society is generally and upon 
all accounts as Beneficial, Impro- 
ving and Entertaining, as that of 
Men. He muft be a very {hallow 
Fellow, that reforts to, and fre- 
quents us in hopes by our means 
to make himfelf confiderable as a 
Schollar, a Mathematician, a Phir 
lofopher, or a States-man. Thele 
Arts and Sciences are the refult on* 
ly of much Study and great Expe- 
rience ; and without one at leaft of 
'em are no more to be acquired by 
the Company of Men, however 
celebrated for any or all of them, 
than by ours. But there are other 
Quallifications, which are as indife 
penfably neceflary to a Gentleman, 
or any Man that wou'd appear to 
Advantage in the World, which 
are attainable only by Company, 
and Converfation, and chiefly by 
ours. Nor can the greateit part of 
Mankind, of what C^iiallity foever, 


[>7 ] 
boaft much of the ufe they make, 
or the benefit they reap from thefe 
acknowledg'd Advantages. So that 
Sehollars onlv, and ibme few of 
the more thinking Gentlemen, and 
Men of Bufineis have any juft 
claim to 'em. And of thefe the 
firft generally fall fhort enough 
fome other way to make the Bal- 
lance even. For Sehollars, though c 
by their acquaintance with Books, 
and converfing much with Old Au- 
thors, they may know perfectly 
the Senfe of the Learned Dead, 
and be perfect Mailers of the YYii- 
dom, be throughly inform'd of the 
State, and nicely skill'd in the Po- 
licies of Ages long fince paft, yet 
by their retir'd and unadtive Life, 
their neglecT: of Bufinefs, and con- 
ftant Converfation with Antiquity, 
they are fuch Strangers to, and 
lo ignorant of the Domeftick Af- 
fairs and manners of their own 
Country and Times, that they ap- 
pear like the Ghofts of Old Ro* 
mans riis'd by Magick. Talk to 
them of the Ajfyrian, or Ferjjian 
Monarchies, the Qredans or Reman 



[.8 ] 

Common-wealths. Theyanfwer like 
Oracles, they arefuch finilh'd State- 
men, that we fliou'd fcarce take 
'em to have been lefs than Confi- 
fidents of Semiramis , Tutours to 
Cyrus the great, old Cronies of Sc- 
ion and Lycurgus, or Privy Coun- 
cellours at leafl to the Twelve O- 
fars lucce/Tively ;. but engage them in 
a Difcourfe that concerns the prefent 
Times, and their Native Country, 
and they heardly fpeak theLanguage 
of it, and know fo little of the af- 
fairs of it, that as much might rea<- 
.fonably be expected from an ani- 
mated Egyptian Mummy. They 
are very 'much difturbed to fee a 
Fold or a Plait amifs in the Pi&ure 
of an Old Roman Gown, yet take 
no notice that their own are thred- 
. bare out at the Elbows, or Rag- 
ged, and fufTer more if Prifcians 
Head be broken then if it were 
their own. They are excellent 
Guides, and can diredt you to e- 
very Ally, and turning in old Rome ; 
yet lofe their way at home in their 
own Parifh. They are mighty ad- 
mirers of the Wit and Eloquence of 


the Ancients; yet had they lrv'd 
in the time of Cicero, and Qcefar 
vvou'd have treated them with as 
much fupercilious Pride, and difre- 
fped: as they do now with Reve- 
rence. They are great hunters of 
ancient Manufcripts, and have in 
great Veneration any thing, that 
has fcap'd the Teeth of Time and 
Rats, and if Age have obliterated 
the Characters, 'tis the more valu- 
able for not being legible. But if 
by chance they can pick out one 
Word, they rate it higher then the 
whole Author in Print, and wou'd 
give more for one Proverb of S de- 
mons under his own Hand, then 
for all his Wifdom. Thele Super- 
flitious, bigotted Idolaters of time 
paft, are Children in their under- 
(landing all their lives; for they 
hang fo inceflantly upon the lead- 
ing Strings of Authority, that their 
Judgments like the Limbs of foms 
India* Penitents , become altoge- 
ther crampt and motionlefs for want 


try Squirt 

C 3* ] 

But as thefe Men, will hardly be 
reckoned much fuperiour to us up- 
on the account of their Learning or 
Improvements, fo neither will I iup- 
pofe another fort diametrically op- 
pofite to thefe in their Humors and 
tkarafor Opinions : I mean thofe whofe Am 
6 £f^!T- cc ft° r5 ^ iave keen Wife anc ^ provident, 
and rais'd Ellates by their Ingenui- 
ty and Induflry, and given all their 
Pofterity after 'em Means, and Lei*' 
fure to be Fools. Thefe are gene- 
rally fent to School in their Mino* 
rity, and were they kept there till 
they came to Years of Difcretion, 
might moft of 'em day, till tkey 
cou'd tuck their Beards into their 
Girdles before they left carrying £ 
Satchel. In conformity to Cuftom, 
and the Fafhjon, they are fent ear- 
ly to ferve an Apprenticeihip to 
Letters, and for eight or nine years 
are whipt up and down through 
two or three Counties from School 
to School ; when being arriv'd a Six- 
teen, or Seventeen Years of Age, 
and having made the ufual Tour 
of Latin, and Greek Authors, they 
are call'd Home to be made Gentle- 

[-3" ] 
fnen. As foon as the young Squire 
has got out of the Houfe of Bon- 
dage, ihaken off the awe of Birch, 
and begins to feel himfelf at Liber- 
ty, he confiders that he is now 
Learned enough, ( and 'tis ten to 
one but his Friends are wife enough 
to be of his Opinion ) and thinks 
it high time to lhake off the bar- 
barous Acquaintance he contracted, 
with thole crabbed, vexatious, ob- 
fcure Fellows, that gave him fo 
much trouble and fmart at School, 
Companions by no means fit for a 
Gentleman, that writ only to tor- 
ment and perplex poor Boys, and 
exercife the tyranny of Pedants and 
School-mafters. Thefe prudent re- 
folutions taken, his Converfation 
for fome years fucceeding is whol- 
ly taken up by his Hories, Dogs 
and Hawks ( eipecially if his Reii- 
dence be in the Country ) and the 
more fenflefs Animals that tend 'em. 
His Groom, his Huntiman, and hh 
Falconer are his Tutors, and his 
walk is from the Stable to the 
Dog-kennel, and the .reverie of ic. His 
diyvrfion is drudgery, and he is in 


higheft fatisfaction when lie is mcft- 
tir'd. He wearies you in the Morn- 
ing with his Sport, in the Afternoon, 
with the noifie Repetion and Drink, 
and the whole Day with Fatigue 
and Confufion. His Entertainment 
is dale Beer, and the Hiftory of 
his Dogs and Horfes, in which he 
gives you the Pedigree of every one 
with all the exadhiels of a Herald ; 
and if you be very much in his 
good Graces, 'tis odds, but he makes 
you the Compliment of a Puppy of 
one of his favourite Bitches, which 
you mu ft take with abundance of 
Acknowledgments of his Civillity, 
or elfe he takes you for a ftupid, 
as well as an ill bred Fellow. He 
is very conftant at all Clubs and 
Meetings of the Country Gentle- 
men, where he will luffer nothing 
to be talk'd or hear'd of but his 
Jades, his Curs, and his Kites. Up- 
on thefe he rings perpetual Chan- j 
ges, and trefpaiies as much upon I 
the patience of the Company in the 
Tavern, as upon their Endofurcs 
in the Field, and is lcaft imperii- ! 
n:nt, when moft drunk. 


tte ] 

His grand Bufinefs is to make 
an Affignation for a Horie Race, 
or a Hunting Match, and nothing 
difcompofes him fo much as a Dii- 
appointment. Thus accompliih'd , 
and finifh'd for a Gentleman, he 
enters the Civil Lifts, and holds 
the Scale of Juftice with as much 
Blindnefs as fhe is faid to do. Froiri 
hence forward his Worfliip becomes 
as formidable to the Ale-Ebufcs, 
as he was before Familiar ; he fizeS 
an Ale Por, and takes the dimen- 
sions of Bread with grea: Dexteri- 
ty and Sagacity. He is the ter- 
rour of all the Deer, and Poultry 
Stealers m the Neighbourhood , 
and is fo implacable a Perfecutor 
of Poachers, that he keeps a Re- 
gifter of all the Dogs and Guns iri 
the Hundred, and is the Scare-Beg- 
gar of the Parifli. Short Pots, and 
unjuftifiable Dogs and Nets, fur« 
niih him with flifficient matter for 
Prefentments, to carry him once a 
Quarter to the SefTIons ; where he 
lays little, Eats and Drinks much, 
and after Dinner, Hunts over the 
kit Chace, and fo rides Word 

D folly 

[ 34] 
fully Drunk home again. At home 
he Exercifes his Authority in gran- 
ting his Letters, Pattents to Peti- 
tioners for erecting Shovel Board, 
Tables and Ginger Bread Stalls. 
If he happen to live near any little 
Borough or Corporation that fends 
BurgeUes to Parliament, he may be- 
come ambitious and fue for the Ho- 
nour of being made their Repre- 
fentative. Henceforward he grows 
Popular, bows to, and treats 
the Mob all round him ; and whe- 
ther there be any in his Dilcourfe 
cr not, there is good Senfe in his 
Kitchin and his Cellar, which is 
more agreeable and edifying. If 
he be ib happy as to out-tap his 
Competitour, and Drink his Neigh- 
bours into an. Opinion of his So- 
briety, he is choien, and up he 
comes to that Honourable Aflem- 
bly, w T here he ihews his Wifdom 
beft by his Silence, and ferves his 
Country mod in his abfence. 

I give you thefe two Characters, 
Madam, as irreconcileable as Wa- 
ter and Oyl, to fliew that Men 


r 35 ] 

may and do often Baffle and Fru * 
(Irate the EfFe&s of a liberal Edu- 
cation, as well by Induilry as Ne- 
gligence. 'Tis hard to fay, which 
of thefe two is the more Sottifh; 
the firfl is fuch an Admirer of Le> 
ters, that he thinks it a difparage- 
ment to his Learning to talk what 
other Men underftand, and will 
fcarce believe that two, and two, 
make four, under a Demonftratiori 
from Euclid, or a Quotation of A- 
rijlotle : The latter has fuch a fear 
of Pedantry always before his Eyes, 
that he thinks it a Scandal to his 
good Breeding, and Gentility to 
talk Senfe, or write true Englifh ; 
and has fuch a contemptible Nod- 
on of his paft Education, that he 
thinks the Roman Poets good for 
nothing but to teach Boys to cap 
Verfes. For my Part I think the 
Learned, and Unlearned Blockhead 
pretty equal ; for 'tis all one to 
me, whether a Man talk Nonfenfe, 
or Unintelligible Senfe, I am diver- 
ted and edified alike by either ; 
the one enjoys himielf lefs, but fuf- 
fers his Friends to do it more; the 
D % otliot 

[ 36] 
other enjoys himfelf and his own 
Humour enough, but will let no 
body elfe do it in his Company. 
Thus, Madam, I have fet them be- 
fore You, and fhall leave you to 
determine a Point, which I can- 

the Educe- There are others that dcferve to 
tionofthe be brought into the Company of 

Sftr> thCfC UP ° n likC H0110Urable Rea " 

cientas ions ; but I keep them in referve 

\To™°bi V ^ or a P ro P £r place, where I may 
perhaps take the Pains to draw 
their Pictures to the Life at full 
length. Let us now return to our 
Argument, from which we have 
had a long breathing while. Let 
us look into the manner of our 
Education, and fee wherein it falls 
fhort of the Mens, and how the 
defects of it may be, and are gene- 
rally fupply'd. In our tender years 
they are the fame, for after Chil- 
dren can Talk, they are promifcu- 
oufly taught to Read and Write by 
the fame Perfons, and at the fame 
time both Boys and Girls. When 
thelc are aajuir'd, which is gcncral- 

E 37 ] 
ly about the Age of Six or Seven 
Years, they begin to be feparated, 
and the Boys are fent to the Gram- 
mer School, and the Girls to Board- 
ing Schools, or other places, to learn 
Needle Work, Dancing, Singing, 
Mufick, Drawing, Painting, and 
other Accomplishments, according 
to the Humour and Ability of the 
Parents, or Inclination of the Chil- 
dren. Of all theft, Reading and 
Writing are the main Inftruments 
of Converlation ; though Mufick 
and Painting may be allow'd to con- 
tribute fomething towards it, as 
they give us an infight into two 
Arts, that makes up a great Part 
of the Pleafures and Diverfions of 
Mankind. Here then lies the main 
Defect, that we are taught only 
our Mother Tongue, or perhaps 
French, which is now very fafliion- 
able, and almoft as Familiar amongft 
Women of Quality as Men ; where- 
as the other Sex by means of a 
more extenfive Education to the 
knowledge of the Roman and Greek 
Languages, have a vafler Feild for 
their Imaginations to rove in* and 
D 3 their 

[ 38 ] 
their Capacities thereby enlarged. 
To fee whether this be flridtly true 
or not, I mean in what relates to 
bur debate, I will for once fuppofe, 
that we are inftru&ed only in our 
own Tongue , and then enquire 
whether the difadvantage be fb 
great as it is commonly imagin'd. 
You know very well, Madam, that 
for Converfation, it is not requifite 
we ihouldbePhilologers, Rhetoric^ 
ans , Philofophers , Hiftorians or 
Poets; but only that we fhould 
think pertinently and exprefs our 
thoughts properly, on fuch matters 
as are the proper Subjects for a 
mixt Converfation. The Italians', 
a People as delicate in their Con- 
verfation as any in the World, 
have a Maxim that our felves, our 
Neighbours, Religion, or Bufinefs 
ought never to be the Subjecft. 
Religion, There are very fubflantial Reafons, 
&c.wpn- to b e given for thefe Reftri&ions 

%mhtJ&* ^ en are ver y 2pt to be vain, 

convcrfr- and impertinent, when they talk of 

tun ' themfelves, befides that others are 

very jealous, and apt to fufpecl, 

that all the good things faid, , are 


intended as fo many arguments of 
preference to them. When they 
fpeak of their Neighbours, they are 
apt out of a Principle of Emulation 
and Envy, natural to all the race of 
Adam to leflen, and tarnifh their 
Fame, whether by open Scandal, 
and Defamatory Stories, and Tales, 
or by malicious Infinuations, invi- 
dious Circumflances , fmifter and 
covert Refle&ions. This humour 
fprings from an over fondnefs of 
our felves, and a miftaken conceit 
that anothers lofs is an addition to 
our own Reputation, as if like two 
Buckets, one mufl neceflarily rife 
as the other goes down. This is 
the bafeft and mod ungenerous of 
all our natural Failures, and ought 
to be corrected as much as poflible 
e'ry where; but more efpecially in 
Italy, where Refentments are car- 
ried fo high, and Revenges profe- 
cuted with fo much Heat, and A- 
nimofity. Religion is likewife ve- 
ry tender there, as in all other 
places, where the Priefts have fo 
much Power and Authority. But 
even here, where our differences 
D 4 and 


and Difputes have made it more 
tame, and us'd it to rough hand- 
ling, it ought carefully to be avoi- 
ded ; for nothing raifes unfriendly 
warmths among Company more than 
ar eligious Argument, which therefore 
ought to be banifht all Society inten- 
ded only for Converfation and Diver- 
sion. Bufinefs is too dry and barren 
to give any Spirit to Converfation,or 
Pleafure to a Company, and is there- 
fore rather to be reckon'd among 
the Encumbrances than Comforts of 
Life, however . neceifary. Bcfides 
thele, Points of Learning, abftrufe 
Speculations, and nice Politicks, 
ought, in my opinion, w be exclu- 
ded ; hecaufe being things that re- 
quire much Reading and Confidera- 
tion, they are not fit to be canvas'd 
ex tempore in mixt Company, of 
which 'tis probable the greateft part 
will have little to fay to 'em, and 
will fcarce be content to be filent 
Hearers only ; befides that they are 
not in their nature gay enough to 
awaken the good Humour, or raife 
the Mirth of the Company. Nor 
need any one to fear, that by thefe 


Ih 1 

ipjmitations Converfation fliou'd be 
ireftrain'd to too narrow a compais, 
ttthere are fubjeds enough that arc 
fen themfdves neither infipid, nor 
ofienfive ; fuch as Love, Honour, 
Gallantry, Morality, News, Raille- 
ry, and a numberlefs train of other 
Things copious and diverting. Now 
I can't fee the neeeilky of any other 
Tongue befide our own to enable 
us to talk .plaufibly, or judicioufly 
upon any of thefe Topicks : Nay, I 
am very confident that 'tis pofiibie 
for an ingenious Perfon to make a 
very confiderable progrefs in moft 
parts of Learning, by the help of 
Engliih only. For the only reaibn Qy fa t h-^ 
I can conceive of learning Langua-/"'^*^ 

1 o r tiT- 'o be ma it 

ges, is to arrive at the Scale, Wit^, rr 
or Arts, that have been communi- of '&>: 
cated to the World in 'em. Now Bo °- ; 
of thofe that have taken the pains 
to make themfelves Mailers of thole 
Treafures, many have been ib ge- 
nerous as to impart a fliare of 'em 
to the Publick, by Translations for 
the ufe of the Unlearned; and I Hat- 
ter my felf Ibmetimes, that leveral 
of thefe were more particularly un- 

U* ] 
jdertaken by Ingenious, good Na r 
tur'd Mefi in Kindnefs and Com" 
paffion to our Sex. But whatever 
the Motives were, the obliging 
Humour has fo far prevail'd, that 
icarce any thing either Ancient or 
Modern that might be of general 
ufe either for Pleafure, or Inftru- 
£tion is left untouched, and moft 
of them are made entirely free of 
our Tongue. I am no Judge ei- 
ther of the Accuracy, or Elegance, 
of fuch Performances ; but if I may 
credit the report of. Learned and 
Ingenious Gentlemen, ( whofe Judg- 
ment or Sincerity I have no reafon 
to queftion,) many of thofe excel- 
lent Authors have loft nothing by 
the change of Soil. I can fee and 
admire the Wit and Fancy of Ovid 
in the Tranflation of his Epiftles, 
and Elegies, the foftnefs and Paf* 
fion of TihulluSy the Impetuofity 
and Fire of Juvenal, the Gayety, 
Spirit and Judgment of Horace ; 
who, though he may appear very 
different from himfelf through the 
diverfity, and inequality of the 
Hands concern'd in making him 


fpeak Engtifh, yet may eafily be 
guefs'd at from the feveral excel- 
lent Pieces render'd by the Earl of 
Rojcommon, Mr. Cowley, Air. Drj- 
den, Mr. Congreve, Mr. Brown and 
other ingenious Gentlemen, who 
have oblig'd the Nation with their 
excellent Verfions of fome parts of 
him. Nor is it poilible to be in- 
fenfible of the fweetnefs and Maje- 
fty of Virgil, after having read 
thofe little but Divine Samples 
already made Publick in En$* 
lifh by Mr. Dry den, which gives 
us fo much Impatience to fee the 
whole Work entire by that admira- 
ble Hand. I have heard fome in- 
genious Gentlemen fay, That it 
was impoffible to do Juftice in 
our Tp.igue to thefe two laft 
Celebrated Roman Poets , and 
and I have known others, of whofe 
Judgments I have as high an Opini- 
on, affirm the contrary ; my igno- 
rance of Latin difables me from 
determining whether we are in the 
right, but the Beauty of what I 
have already icen by the means of 
tnofe Gentlemen, has fo far preju- 

dic'd me in favour of the latter; that 
might I have J em entire from the 
fame hands, I think I fliou'd fcarce 
envy thole who can tad the plea- 
sure of the Originals. Nor is it to 
the Poets only, that we (land in- 
debted for the Treafure of Antiqui- 
ty, we have no lefs Engagements to j 
thofe, who have fucceisfully la- 
bour'd in Profe, and have mads us 
familiar with Flit arch, Seneca , Cicero, 
and in general with all the famous 
Philofophers, Orators and Hiflori- 
aris, from whom we may at once 
learn both the Opinions and Practi- 
ces of their Times. AfTifted by thefe 
helps, 'tis impoflible for any Woman 
to be ignorant that is but defirous 
to be otherwife, though file know 
no part of Speech out of her Mo- 
ther Tongue. But thefe are nei- 
ther the only, nor the greatefl Ad- 
vantages we have; all that is excel- 
lent in Frame, Italy, or any of our 
neighbouring Nations is now be- 
come our own ; to one of whom, I 
may be bold to lay, we are behol- 
ding for more, and greater Improve- 
ments of Convocation, than to all 


C 45 ] 
Antiquity, and the learned Langua- 
ges together. Nor can I imagine The name 
for what good Reafon a Man skiil'd °f Uarn -, 
in Latin and Greek, and versa mi y restrain- 
the Authors of Ancient Times fhall ed t9the 
be call'd Learned ; yet another who ^£ 
perfectly underflands Italian, French, and Gr'uk 
Spanijh, High Dutch, and the reft of "^ 
the European Languages, is acquain- 
ted with the Modern Hiftory of all 
thofe Countries, knows their Poli- 
cies, has div'd into all the Intrigues 
of the feveral Courts, and can tell 
their mutual Difpofitions, Obliga- 
tions and Ties of Intereft one to a- 
nother, ihall after all this be thought 
Unlearned for want of thole t s o 
Languages- Nay, though he be ne- 
ver fo well vers'd in the Modern 
Philofophy, Aftronomy, Geometry 
and Algebra, he iliall notwithftan- 
ding never be allow'd that honour- 
ble Title. I can fee but one appa- 
rent Reafon for this unfair Pro- 
cedure; which is, that when about 
an Age and an half ago, all the poor 
Remains of Learning then in Being, 
were in the hands of the School- 

C 46] 
men ; they wou'd fuffer none to 
pafs Mutter, that were not deeply 
engaged in thofe intricate, vexatious 
and unintelligble Trifles, for which 
tjhemielves contended with i'o much 
Noife and Heat ; or at lead were : 
not acquainted with Plato and Ari->\ 
Jiotle, and their Commentators ; from 
whence the Sophiftry and Subtle- 
ties of the Schools at that time 
were drawn. This Ulurpation was' 
maintained by their Succellors, the' 
Divines, who to this day pretend 
almoft to the Monopoly of Learn* 
ing; and though fome generous Spi- 
rits have in good mealure broke' 
die neck of this Arbitrary, Tyran- 
nical Authority; yet can't they pre- 
vail to extend the name of Learn- 
ing beyond the Studies, in which 
the Divines are more particularly 
converfant. Thus you ihall have 
'em allow a Man to be a w 7 ife Man, 
a good Naturalift, a good Mathe- 
matician, Politician, or Poet, but 
not a Scholar, a learned Man, that ; 
is no Philologer. For my part fl 
think thefe Gentlemen have jutt in- 
verted the ufe of the Term, andgi- 


yen that to the knowledge of words, 
which belongs more properly to 
Things. I take Nature to be the 
great Book of Univerfal Learning, 
which he that reads belt in all or 
any of its Parts, is the greaceft 
Scholar, the mod learned Man ; 
and 'tis as ridiculous for a Man to 
count himfelf more learned than 
another, if he have no greater ex- 
tent of knowledge of things, be- 
caufe he is more vers'd in Langua- 
ges ; as it would be for an Old 
Fellow to tell a Young One, his 
Eyes were better than his, becaufe 
he Reads with Spectacles, the o- 
ther without. 

Thus, Madam, you fee we may ^u 
come in Time to put in for Learn- Both the 
ing, if we have a mind, without be fi hel * s 

r p ; , ' to Conver-- 

falling under the Correction Qifoim. 
Pedants. But I will let Learning 
alone at prefent, becaufe I have 
already banjuVd it ( though not 
out of difrefpeit) from mix'd Con- 
verfation ; to which we will re- 
turn, and of which the grcateft 
Magazines and Supports are Hill 


in Referve. I mean the many ex-| 
cellent Authors of our own Coun- 
try, whofe Works it were endlefs 
to recount. Where is Love, Ho- 
nour and Bravery more lively re-J 
prefented than in our Tragedies;! 
who has given us Nobler, orju-4 
iler Pictures of Nature than Mr J 
Shakefpear ? Where is there a ten-1 
dcrer PaiTion, than in the Maids! 
Tragedy > Whole Grief is morel 
awful and commanding than MrJ 
Oiiyays ? Whofe Defcriptions morel 
Beautifull, or Thoughts more Gal-1 
lant than Mr. Dry dens ? When I fed 
any of their Plays acled, my Pa£j 
fions move by their Direction, myj 
Indignation, my Companion, my J 
my Grief are all at their Beck.] 
Nor is our Comedy at all inferi-J 
our to our Tragedy ; for., riot tol 
mention thofe already nanfd fori 
the other part of the Stage, who 
are all excellent in this too, Sir 
George E the trie and Sir Charles SeA 
ley for neat Raillery and Gallantry 
are without Rivals, Mr. Wkherle% 
for ftrong Wit, pointed Satyr, foun 
and uieful Obibrvations is bey on 


E 49 J 

Imitation ; Mr. Congreve forfpright- 
ly, gentile, eafie Wit falls fhort of 
iio Man. Thefe are the Mailers 
of the Stage ; but there are others 
who though of an i^iferiour Clafs; 
yet deferve Commendation, were 
that at prefent my Bufinefs. Nay, 
even the worft of 'em afford us 
fome diverfion ; for I find a fort of 
foolifh Pleafure, and can laugh at 

Mr. D- fs Farce, as I do at the 

Tricks, and Impertinencies of a 
Monkey; and was pleafed to fee 
the humour and delight of the Au- 
thor in Mr. H — — n s Eating, and 
Drinking Play which I fancy'd was 
written m a Victualling Houfe. la 
fhort, were; it not for the too grea£ 
frequency of loofe Expreffions, and 
wanton Images, I fhould take our 
Theaters' for the bed Schools in the 
World of Wit , Humanity , and 
Manners ; which they might eafily 
become by retrenching that too 
great Liberty. Neither have the 
Poets only, but the Criticks too 
Endeavour'd to compleat us ; Mr. 
Dennis and Mr. Rimer have by their 
Ingenious, and judicious labours 
E tatfgh? 

[ 50 ] 

taught us to admire the Beauties 
as we ought , and to know the 
faults of the former. Nor are we 
lefs beholding to thefe for forming 
our Judgments, than to thole for 
raifing our Fancies. 

Thefe are the Sources from whence 
we draw our gayer part of Con- 
verfation ; I don't mean in exclufi- 
on to the other parts of Poetry, hi 
mod of which ( as I have heard 
good Judges fay ) we equal at leaft 
the Ancients, and far furpafs all 
the Moderns. I honour the Names, 
and admire the Writings of Den- 
ham * Suckling and D\wenanty I am 
ravihYd with the Fancy of Cowley, 
and the Gallantry of Waller* I re- 
verence the Fairy Queer?, am rais'd, 
and elevated with Taradife Lo/l, 
Frih-ce Art hut ■ com p ofes a nd redu ces 
me to a State of Yawning indifle- 
rence/and Mr. iV—ftl—ys Heroicks 
lull me to Sleep. Thus all Ranks and 
Degrees of Poets have their ufe, and 
may be ferviceable to fome body 
or other from the Prince to the Pa- 
ftry Cook, or Pad-beard Cox-ma- 

[ 51 ] 
ker. I fhould mention our Saty4 
rifts , but it would be end lets 
to delcend to every particular, 
of thefe Mr. Oldham is admira- 
ble, and to go no further, the ini- 
mitable Mr. Butler will be an ever-, 
lafting Teflimony, of the Wic of 
his Age, and Nation, and bid e- 
ternal defiance to the Wits of all 
Countries, and future Ages to fol- 
low him in a Path before untrackYi 
Our Profe Writers, that are emi- 
nent for a -gay Style and Iovial Ar- 
gument, are lb many, that it would 
fwell this Letter too much to name 
'em, fo that I fliall only take no- 
tice, that whoever can read with- 
out Pleafure, or Laughter, The con- 
tempt of the Clergy, and the fol- 
lowing Letters and Dialogues by 
the lame Author, or the facetious 
Dialogues of Mr. Brown muft be 
more vSplenetick than HeracUtus, or 
more ftupid, than the Ais he laugh'd 

Nor are we lefs provided for the 
ferious Part ; Morality has gene- 
rally been die Province of our 

E z Clergy 

I 5* ] 

Clergy who have treated of all parti 
of it very largely with fo much 
Piety, Solidity, and Eloquence, 
that as I think I may venture to 
fay, they have written more upon it 
than the Clergy of all the reft of 
the World ; fo I believe no Body 
will deny that they have written 
better. Yet I cou'd wifh, that our 
Ingenious Gentlemen wou'd em- 
ploy their Pens oftner on thefe Sub- 
jects; becaufe the feverity of the 
other's ProfeiTion obliges 'em to 
write with an Air,- and in a Style 
lefs agreable , and inviting to 
Young People, Not that we are 
without many excellent Pieces of 
Morality, Humanity and Civil Pru- 
dence written by, and like Gentle- 
men. But it is the Excellence of 
'em, and the ability of our Gentle, 
men, which appears in the Spirit, 
Wit, and curious Obfervations in 
thofe Pieces, which make me defire 
more of the fame Nature, Who can- 
read the Effays of that Wonderful 
Man my Lord Bacon, or the no lets 
to be admir'd Sir Walter Rale/gh's, 
or Mr. Oshorns advice to a Son, 


f 51 ] 

die Advice to a Daughter, Sir Wil- 
liam Temple's, or Sir George Macken- 
zie's Eflays, Sir Roger VEjlrange's 
Eflay ( to which laft we are like- 
wife oblig'd for an incomparable 
Verfion of Seveca ) and abundance 
of others, without wifliing for more 
from the fame or the like hands? 
Our Neighbours the French, have 
written a great deal of this kind, 
of the beft of which we have the 
benefit in Englifb ; but more parti- 
cularly the Mefficurs ,Montagne , Roche* 
faucaut , and St, Evremcnt de- 
ferve to be immortal in all Langua- 
ges. I need not mention any more, 
it is apparent from thefe that Wo- 
men want not the means of being 
Wife and Prudent without more 
Tongues than one ; nay, and Learn- 
ed too,if they have any Ambition to 
fee fo. 

The numberlefs Treatifes of An- 
tiquities , Philofophy, Mathema- 
ticks Natural, and other Hiftory 
( in which I can't pals filently by, 
that learned One of Sir Walter Ra- 
leigh, which the World he writ of 
E 3 can't 

can't match ) written originally in, 
or tranflated to our Tongue are 
fufficient to lead us a great way 
into any Science our Curioufity flia I 
prompt us to* The greaceft dif- 
ficulty we ftruggled with, was the 
want of a good Art of FvCafoning, 
which we had not, that I know or, 
till that defect was iupply'd by the 
greateit Mailer of that Art Mr. 
Locke, whole Eflay on Human Un- 
derflanding makes large amends for 
the want of all others in that 

Thus Madam I have endeavour'd 
to obviate all our Adverianes 
Objections, by touching upon as 
great a Variety of things relating 
to the Subject as I conveniently 
cou'd. Yet I hope I have troubled 
you with nothing but what wqs 
iiecellary to make my way clear, 
and plain before me ; and I am apt 
to think I have made it appear, that 
nothing but difencouragement or an 
Idle Uncurious Humour can hinder 
us from Rivalling mod Men in the 
knowledge of great Variety of 


[ 55 ] 

things, without the help of more 
Tongues than our Own ; which the 
Men fo often reproachfully tell us 
is enough. This Idlenefs is but 
too frequently to be found among 
us, but 'tis a Fault equally com- 
mon to both Sexes. Thole that 
have means to play the Fool all 
their lives, feldom care for the 
trouble of being made wife. We 
arc naturally Lovers of our Eafe, 
and have great apprehenfions of the 
difficulty of things untry'd ; Etpeci- 
ally in matters of Learning, the 
common Methods of acquiring 
which are fo unpleafhnt, and ui> 
cafie. I doubt not but abundance 
of noble Wits are flifflcd in both 
Sexes, for want but of fufpecSing 
what they were able to do, and 
with how much facility. Experi- 
ence fhews us every day Block? 
heads, that arrive at a moderate, 
nay fometimes a great Reputation 
by their Confidence, and brisk atr 
tempts which they maintain by 
their Diligence ; while great Num- 
bers of Men naturally more In- 
genious lye neglected by, for 
E 4 want 

[ ft] 

war>t of Induflry to improve, 

or Courage to exert themfelves. 

No Man certainly but wifhes he 

had the Reputation in, and were 

Refpedted and Efteem'd by the 

World as he fees fomc Men are for 

the Fruits of their Pens ; but they 

are loth to be at the pains of an 

Attempt, or doubt their fufficience 

to perform j or what I believe is 

moll: general, never to enquire fo 

far into themfelves, and their own 

Abilities, as to bring fuch a thought 

into their Heads. This laft I fancy 

is the true Reafon, why our Sex, 

who are commonly charged with 

talking too much, are Guilty of 

Writing fo Jktle. I wifh they 

would fliake of this lazy Defpon- 

dence, and let the noble examples 

of the defervedly celebrated Mrs. 

Thilips, and the incomparable Mrs. 

Behn roufe their Courages, and 

fhew Mankind the great injuflice 

of their Contempt. I am confident 

they would find no fuch need of 

jfjmrme ^ affiftance of Languages as is 

cfiatine generally imagin'd. Thofe that 

Pvww* * iavc of l ^ r Q -' tVn nccc * not § rafc 


[ 57 ] 
ppon Foreign Stocks. I have of- 
ten thought that the not teaching 
Women Latin and Greek, was an 
advantage to them, if it were right- 
ly confider'd, and might be im- 
proved to a great heigth. For 
Girles after they can Read and 
Write ( if they be of any Fafhion ) 
are taught fuch things as take not 
up their whole time, and not be- 
ing fuffer'd to run about at liberty 
as Boys , are furnihYd among o- 
ther toys with Books, fuch as Re- 
mances, Novels, Plays aad Poems ; 
which though they read carelefsly 
only for Diverfion, yet unawares 
to them, give 'em very early a con- 
fiderable Command both of Words 
and Senfe; which are further im? 
prov'd by their making and receiv- 
ing Vifits with their Morhers, 
which gives them betimes the op- 
portunity of imitating, converting 
widi, and knowing the manner , 
and addrefs of elder Peribns. Thefe 
I take to be the true Reaibns why 
a Girl of Fifteen is reckond as ripe 
as a Boy of One and Twenty, and 
not any natural forwarcinefs ef 


Maturity as fome People \vc\\\$ 
have it. Thefe advantages t 
ducation of Boys deprives the w of, 
who drudge away the Vig< ir of 
their Memories at Words, -i clefs 
ever after to moft of them, and at 
Seventeen or Eighteen are to be- 
gin their Alphabet of Senfe, and 
are but where the Girles were at 
Nine or Ten. Yet becaufe they 
have learnt Latin and Greek, re- 
ject with Scorn all Fvvlijh Books 
their beft helps, and lay afide their 
Latin ones, as if they were alrea- 
dy Maflers of all that Learning, 
amj fo hoift Sail for the wide 
World without a Compais to Steer 
by. Thus I have fairly ftated the 
difference between us, and can find 
no fuch dilparity in Nature or E- 
ducation as they contend for; but 
we have a fort of ungenerous Ad- 
verfaries, that deal more in Scan- 
dal than Argument, and when they 
can't hurt us with their Weapons, 
endeavour to annoy us with flink 
Pots. Let us fee therefore, Ma- 
dam, whether we can't beat them 
froni their Ammunition, and turn 



their own Artillery upon them $ 
for I firmly believe there is nothing, 
which they charge upon us, but 
may with more juflice be retorted 
upon themfelves. 

They tax us with a long Lift of 
Faults, and Imperfections , and 
feem to have taken a Catalogue of 
their own Follies and Vices, not 
\vi,h defign to correct them, but 
to fhift of the Imputation to us. 
There is no doubt, but particular 
Women may be found upon whom 
every charge may be juftified ; but 
our Sex is not arrfwerahfe for 
them, till they prove there are no 
iuch Men, which will not be be- 
fore Dooms-day. However, like ill 
Neighbours -they bring the Dirt 
out of their own Homes not out of 
Neatnels, but out of Envy to their 
Neighbours, at whole Doors they 
lay it. But let them remove their 
Follies as oft as they pleafe, they 
are ftill as conftatE to them, as the 
Needle to ihe North Pole , they 
point them out which way foever 
they move. Let us fee what theii 



Qualities are, they fo liberally bc- 
ftow upon, and after fee how they 
fit the Donours, and furvey 'em 
in their proper Figures and Co- 
lours. The moft familiar of thefe 
are Vanity, Impertinence, Envi- 
oufnefs, Diilimuiation, Inconflancy, 

vanity. To begin with Vanity, it is a 
Failing the greateft Part of Man- 
kind are tinctured with, more or 
lefs. For all Men are apt to flat- 
ter themfelves with a Fancy, that 
they have fome one or more good 
Quallities, or extraordinary Gifts, 
that raife 'em above the ordinary 
Level of Men ; and therefore hug 
and cherifh , what they think 
valuable and fingular in 'erti. It is 
never commendable, lometimes par- 
donable , when the excellencies 
are real , and it is moderate fo 
much muft be allow'd to humane 
frailty. It is ridiculous and intol- 
erable when it is extravagant, mif- 
plac'd, or groundlefs. It is very 
injudicious, and makes men com- 
monly dote on their Defeds, and 


expofe their blemiflies by their 
Fondnefs, which makes 'em more 
remarkable by the care and orna- 
ment beftow'd on 'em. Tt per- 
fuades hard Favour' d and diftcrted 
Fellows to drefs, and value their 
Peribns, Cowards to pretend to 
Courage, and provoke Beatings, 
Blockheads to fet up for Wit, and 
make themfelves ridiculous in Print, 
Upftarts to brag of their Families, 
and be reminded of the Garrets they 
were born, and the Stalls they 
were brought up in. In Women 
the objed: of it is their Beauty, 
and is excufable in thofe that have 
it. Thofe that have it not may 
be pardon'd, if they endeavour at 
it ; becaufe it is the only undis- 
puted advantage our Sex has over 
the other, and what makes 'em 
refpe&ed beyond all other Perfecti- 
ons, and is alone ador'd. In Men 
it has not only this Object, but 
all thole before mention'd, and a 
hundred other. Ic is admirably 
feen in a Writing, reciting Fop Au- 
thor, is in full Luflre in a Beau, 
but its mod unlucky Profpcct is in 


a Swaggering Coward, who is a 
Fool beyond the Conviction of 
tharaBer Smart. His Courage is like an 
^f a Buiiy. Ague Fit, that leaves him upon a 
Fright, and returns when he is 
out of the reach of a Cudgel* 
tie fpends much time in the Fen- 
cing School, and Fights briskly 
where there is no danger of Wounds 
nor Smart. His Hands are inflru- 
&ed, but his Heels do him all thq 
Service. He is a nice obierver of 
Punctilio's , and takes more Af- 
fronts than are given him. He 
draws firft, and runs ftrft, and if 
ever he makes another Man run, 
it is after him. He is a Pebble that 
fparkles like a Diamond, but wants 
hardncis. He talks perpetually of 
what he will do, but thinks con- 
tinually of what he fhall fuffcr. He 
is often in Quarels, yet feldom in 
Rencounters , and is glad of a 
Challenge , that he may know 
whom, and when to avoid. He 
brings up the Rear at an Engage- 
ment, and leads the Van in the 
Retreat. Fie is a Man of much 
Faiiion, but the moil predominant 

[*3 ] 

1 is his Fear. He offers affronts rea- 
dily, but has too much honour to 
juftifie them, and will fubmit to a- 
ny terms of fatisfa&ion rather than 
| cccafion Blood-fhed. He is fo full 
of Courage, that it boils over when 
there is no occafion, and his Sword 
and Terfon are always at Leifure, 
and at your Service, till you wane 
them, and then to his great Trou- 
ble P he is always indifpenfably en- 
gag'd otherwife. He wears Red, 
and a long Sword openly to mew 
his Valour, and Mail, privately to 
mew his Difcretion. He threatens 
terribly, but he is like a Witch, if 
you draw Blood of him, he has no 
power to hurt you. No Man ihews 
or boafts more of his Scars with 
lefs Reafon. He fcorns to take a 
blow in the Face, and a Back-piece 
is as good to him as a whole lute 
of Armour. He is at firft the Ter- 
rour of all the Toung Bullies, at 
laft their Maygame, and they blood 
their Qui IJaiors upon him, as 
they do young Beagles on a Hare, 
Good ufage makes him inlblent, 
but he fawns like a Spaniel mod 




upon thofe that beat him. When 
he is difcover'd by all the reft of the 
World, the Cheat paflcs ftill upon 
himfelf, and he is pleas'd With the 
terrible Figure he makes in his 
Glafs, tho 1 he is ready to fliake at 
his own Shaddow. 

Harafter There are men of an humour dired:- 
of a scotv \y oppofite to this, yet e'ry whit as 
Mad, Foolifh, and Vain ;. thefe 
are your Men of nice Honour,, 
that love Fighting for the fake of 
Blows, and are never well but when 
they are wounded They are fevere 
Interpreters of Looks,- are affronted 
an every Face that don't pleafe 'em. 
and like true Cocks of the Game 
have a quarrel to all Mankind at 
firft fight. They are pailionatl 
Admirers of feared Faces, and dote 
on a Wooden Leg. They ^receive 
a Challenge like a Billet Douce, 
and a home thruft as a Favour. 
Their common Adverfary is the 
Conftable, and their ufual Lodging 
the Counter. Broken heads are a 
dived! on, and ait Arm in a Scarfe 
is a high fatisfadtion. They are fru- 


[# ] 

gal in their expences with the Tay° 
Jor, for they have their Doublets 
pink* on their Backs, but they 
are as good as an Annuity to 
the Surgeon, tho' they need him 
not to let 'em blood. Flanders is 
their Miftrefs, and a Clap from 
her carries 'em off the Stage. If 
they return, an Hofpital is their 
Pvetreat, or the Sheriff their Ex« 
ecutoar. Thefe two, Madam, ate 
trery different extravagances, and 
very ftrange one's, yet they are 
real, and iuch as appear every 
day. But, what is moft to be won- 
der'd at, arife both from the fame 
Principle, and the fame miftaken 
Notion, and are only differencd by 
the diverfity of Tempers in Men. 
The common Motive to both is; 
Vanity, and they jointly concurr 
in this Opinion, that Valour is the 
rrioft eftimable, and moll: honourable 
Quality, that Man is capable of; they 
agree in a defire to be honour'd and 
fear W ,but they differ in their methods 
in perfuing this common End. The 
one is naturally active, bold and 
daring ; and therefore takes the 
true cotirfe to arrive at it by fhew- 
F ing 


irig what he can do, by what he 
dare fuffer, and his immoderate de- 
fire and indifcretion fuller him to 
know no bounds. The other is 
mean Spirited and fearful, and feeks 
by falfe Fire to Counterfeit a heat 
that may pals for genuine to con- 
ceal the Froft in his Blcod, and 
like an ill A&or, over-does his Part 
for want of underftanding it, which 
'tis impoflible he lliou'd. Among 
-peaceable Men, and thofe of his 
own Temper he comes of with Co- 
lours flying, and thofe are the Men 
he wou'd be valiant amongft only, 
cou'd he read Men's hearts. But the 
firft Rencounter betrays the Afs 
thro' the Lions Skin, and he is 
Cudgel'd like an Afs in Spite of his 
Covering. It is our happinefs Ma- 
dam, that we lie under no manner of 
Temptation from thefe two Vani* 
ties, whereof one is fo dangerous, 
ndicuhus. the other fo ridiculous. For all 
humours that are forcYl againft the 
natural bent of *our tempers mud be 
lb. Nature is our bell guide, and 
has fitted ev'ry Man for ibmethings 
more particularly than others ; which 



if they had the fenfe to profecute, 
they wou'd at leafl not be ridicu- 
lous, if they were not extaordi- 
nary, But fo prevalent are our 
Vanity, and this Apifli Humour of 
Imitation, that we perfuade our 
felves, that we mdy practife with 
applaufe, whatever we fee .another 
iuccecd in, tho' as contrary to the 
intent of our Nature, as Dancing to 
an Elephant; fofcme Men that talk 
well of ferious matters, are fo 
mov'd at the applaufe fome merry 
Drolls gain, that they forget their 
gravity, and aiming to be Wits, turn 
Buffoons ; There are others, that 
are fo taken with the actions and 
grimace of a good Mimick, that 
they fall prefently to making aw- 
kard Faces and Wry Mouths, and 
are all their lives after in a Vizor, 
Maskt tlio' bare fae'd, 

Thefe, and innumerable others 
of the like Nature, are the leiTer 
Follies of jMankind, by which 
their Vanity makes 'em fit only 
to be lauglfd at. There are o- 
titers, who by more ftudied and 
F % reib'd 

[*« J 

refin'd Follies arrive to be morQ 
confiderable, and make a great 
Figure and Party among their 

chattier Of the firft rank of thefe is the 
of a Beau. Beau, who is one that has more 
Learning in his Heels than his 
-Head, which is better Cover'd 
than filTd, His Taylor and his 
Barber are his Cabinet Coun- 
cel, to whom he is more behold- 
ing for what he is, than to his 
Maker. He is One that has tra- 
veli'd to lee Falhions, and brought 
over with him the newefl cut fuit, 
and the prettied Fancy'd Ribbands 
for Sword Knots. His beft Ac- 
quaintance at Paris was his Dan- 
cing Mafter,whom he calls the Mar- 
quits, and his chief Vifits to the 
Opera's. He has leen the French 
King once, and knows the name 
of his cheif Minifler, and is by 
this fufFciently convine'd that there 
are no Politicians in any other Part 
of the World. His improvements 
area nice Skill in the Mode, and a 
high Contempt of his own Coun- 


try, and of Senfe. All the know- 
ledge he has of the Country, or 
Manners of it, is in the keeping of 
the Valet that followed him hither, 
and all that he retains of the Lan- 
guage is a few modifh words to lard 
his difcourfe with, and fliew his 
Breeding, and the names of his 
Garniture. He fhou'd be a Philofo- 
pher, for he ftudies nothing but 
himfeif, yet ev'ry one knows him 
better, that thinks him not worth 
knowing. His looks and geftures 
are his conftant Leflbn, and his 
Glafs is the Oracle that refolves 
all his mighty doubts and fcruples. 
He examines and refrefhes his Com- 
plexion by it, and is more dejected 
at a Pimple, than if it were a Can- 
cer. When his Eyes are fet to a 
languifhing Air, his Motions all 
prepaid according to Art, his Wig 
and his Coat abundantly Powder'd, 
his Gloves EiTenc'd, and his Hand- 
kcrcher perfunid and all the reft 
of his Bravery rightly adjufted, the 
greateft part of the day, as well 
the bufinefs of it at home, is over; 
■tis time to launch, and down he 
F 3 comes 


pomes, fcented like a Perfumers 
Shop, and looks like a Veilel with 
all her rigging under fail without 
Ballaft. A Chair is brought with- 
in the door, for he apprehends 
every Breath of Air as much, as if 
it were a Hurricane. His firft Ve- 
fit is to the Chocolate Houfe, and 
after a quarter of an Hours Com- 
pliment to himfelf in the great Glafs* 
lie faces about and falutes the Com- 
pany, and puts in practice his Morn- 
ings Meditations ; When he has 
made his Cringes round, and play'd 
over all his Tricks, out comes the 
fiae Snujb Box, and his Nofe is Re- 
gal'd a while : After this he begins 
|o open, and ftarts fome learned 
Arguments about the neweft Fa- 
fliion, and hence takes occafion to 
commend the next Man's Fancy i\\ 
his Cloths, this ufliers in a dif- 
fourfe of the Appearance laft Birth 
Night, or Ball at Court, and fo a 
Critick upon this Lord, or that 
Ladies Mafquing Habit. From 
lience he adjourns to the Plaj-houje 9 
where he is to be met again in the 
fide Box,, from whence he makes 

" his 

[7i ] 
his Court to all the Ladies in ge? 
neral with his Eyes, and is parti- 
cular only with the Orav$-Wench. 
After a while he engages fome neigh- 
bouring Vizor, and together they 
run over all the Boxes, take to 
Pieces every Face, examine every 
Feature, pats their Cenfure upon 
every one, and fo on to their Drefs ; 
here he very Judicioufly gives his 
opinion upon every particular, and 
determines whofe Colours are well 
chofen, whofe Fancy is neatefl, and 
whofe Cloths fit with mod Air; 
but in conclufion fees no Body corn- 
pleat but himfelf in the whole 
Houfe. After this he looks down 
with contempt upon the Pit, and 
rallies all the flovenly Fellows, 
and awkard Beau's ( as he calls 
them) of t'other End of the 
Town, is mightily offended at their 
ill fcented Snujk, and in fpight of all 
his Fulvilio and EJfences> is overcome 
with the {link of their Qordovant 
Glomes. To clofe all, Madam, in the 
Mask mull give him an account of 
the Scandal of the Town, which 
flie does in the Hiflory of abun- 
' dance of Intrigues real or feign'd; at 
F 4 all 

all which he laughs aloud and often, 
not to fhew his fatisfadtion, but his 
Teeth. She {hews him who is 
kept by fuch a Lord, Who was 
lately difcar^^fl)fuch a Knight, 
for grantinnp^ours too indifcreet-* 
ly to fuch a Gentleman : who has 
latcdy been in the Country for two 
dPmree Months upon extraordinary 
Occafions. To all which he gives 
great attention, that he may pafs for 
a Man of Intelligence in ano- 
ther Place. His next Stage is 
Locket's, where his Vanity, not his 
Stomach, is to be gratified with 
fomething that is little and dear, 
Quails and Ortalans are the meanefi 
of his Diet, and a Spoonful of Green 
Peafe at Cbrijlmafs, are worth to 
him more than the inheritance of 
the Felld where they -grow in Sum- 
mer. Every thing falls in his E- 
fteem, as it falls in price, and he 
wou'd not fo much as tail: the 
Wine, if the hard name, and the 
high rate did not give it a reliih. 
After a glafs or two, ( for a Pint 
is his fBht ) he begins to talk of 
his Intrigues, boafts much of the 
favours he has receivVl., and fbews 


counterfeit Tokens, and in Con- 
clufion, {landers fome Lady or other 
of unqueftion'd Vertue with a par- 
ticular fondnefs f , for him. His 
Amours are all profound Secrets, 
yet he makes a Confidence of 'em 
to every Man he meets with. He 
pretends a great reverence for the 
Ladies, and a mighty tendernefs 
of their Reputations ; yet he is 
like a F/efb Flye, whatever he blows; 
on is tainted. He talks of nothing 
under Quality, tho' he never ob 
tairVd a Favour, which his Man 
might not have for half a Crown. 
He and his Footman in this Cafe are 
like Engli/b and Dutch at an Or- 
dinary m Holland, the. Fare is the 
fame, hut the Price is vaftly differ- 
ent. Thus the Show goes forward, 
till he is beaten for Trefpafles he 
was never guilty of, and . fhall be 
damn a for Sins he never Com- 
mitted. At lait, with his Credit as 
low as his Fortune he retires ful- 
lenly to his Cloifter, the Kitigs- 
Bench, or Fleet, and pa' _s the reft 
of his days v^ Privacy, and Con- 
temptation. Here, Mddaw> if you 


L 74 ] 
pleafe wee'l give him one Vifit' 
more, and fee the laft Aft of the 
Farce-, and you fhail find him 
( whole Sobriety was before a Vice, 
as being only the Pimp to his 
other Pleafures, and who fear'd a 
lighted Pipe as much as if it had 
been a great Gun levell'd at him ) 
with his Nofe Flaming, and his 
Breath (linking of Spirits worfe 
than a Dutch Tarpawl/ns, and fmok- 
ing out of a lhort Pipe, that for fome 
Months has been kept hot as con- 
ftantly as a Glafs-Houfe, and fo I 
leave him to his Meditation. 

You wou'd think it yet more 
flrange, that any one ihould be 
Slovenly and Najly out of Vanity ; 
yet fuch 'there are I can adureyou, 
Madam, and cou'd eafily give a de- 
fcription of 'em, but that fo foul 
a Relation mud needs be Naufeous 
to a Perfon fo Neat as your Self; 
and wou'd be treating You as the 
Country Squire did his Court Friend \ 
who when he had jliew'd him all 
the Curiofities of his Houfe and 
Gardens, carried him into his Hog- 


fties. But there are more than e~ 
now to juftifie what I have faid of 
the Humour of Diogenes, who was 
as vain and as proud in his Tul, 
as Plato coud be in the midft of 
his fine Ferfian Carpets, and rich 
Furniture. Vanity is only an Am- 
bition of being taken notice of, 
which fliews it felf varioufly accor- 
ding to the humour of thePerfons ; 
which was more extravagant in the 
Anti-Beau y than in the Beau Fhi!<- 
fopher. Vanity is the verieft Pro- 
teus in the World, it can Ape Hu- 
tnility, and can make Men decry 
themfelves on purpofe to be Flat- 
tered ; like feme cunning P readers 
that cry up Mwtification and Self- 
denial perpetually, and are pamper'd 
all the while by the Zeal and at 
the Charges of their Followers, 
y/ho a;e affraid the good Man 
fhou'd flarve himfelf. It is the 
Bleffing of Fools, and the Folly of 
Ingenious Men. For it makes thole 
contentedly hngg themfelves under 
all the lccrn of the World, and the 
Indignities that are offer'd 'em, and 
theie rcilieft and diflatisfied wittj 



its applaufe. Both think the World 
envious, and that their merit is 
injured , and it is impoflible to 
right either of 7 em to their Minds ; 
for thofe have no title to the pre- 
tence of merit, and thefe-notfo 
much as they think they have. 
Yet it is the Happinefs of the firft 
that they can think themfelvcs ca- 
pable of moving Envy ; for though 
vanity* they commonly miftake the Deri- 
t£** rion of Men, for their applaufe, yet 
Men are ibmetimes fo ill Natur'd 
as to undeceive 'em, and then it is 
their Comfort, that thefe are en- 
vious Men, and mifreprefent the 
Worlds opinion of 'em. Cou'd 
thefe Men be convinc d of their 
miftake, I fee nothing that fliou'd 
hinder them from being defperate, 
and hanging or difpofing of them- 
felves fome other fuch way. For 
though a Man may comfort him- 
felf under Afflictions, it is either that 
they are undeferved,or if deferved, 
that he fuffers only for Overfights, 
or rafh Adts, by which the -wifeft 
Men may be ibmetimes overtaken ; 
i'hac he is in the main Difcreet and 


Prudent, and that others believe 
him fo. But when a Man falls un- 
der his own Contempt, and does 
net only think himfelf not wife, 
but by Nature made abfolutely in- 
capable of ever becoming Wife, he 
is in a deplorable State, and wants 
the common Comfort, as well of 
Fools, as Wife Men, Vanity ; which 
in fuch a Cafe is the only proper 
Mediatour of a Reconcilement. No 
Quality feems to be more Provi- 
dentially diftributed to every Man 
according to his Neceillty ; for 
thofe that have lead Wit, ought to 
have the greateft Opinion of it ; 
as all other Commodities are rated 
higheft, where they are fcarceft. 
By this means the level is better 
maintained amongft Men , who, 
were this imaginary Equality de- 
ftroy'd, might be apt to reverence* 
and idolize one another too much, 
and forgetting the common Fate, 
they are all Born to, pay Honours 
too near divine to -their Fellow 
Mortals. But as the humour of 
the World now runs, this fort of 
Idolatry is fcarce likely to come in- 


to Fafliion. We have too great 
kn Opinion of our felves, to be- 
lieve too well of any one elfe, and 
we are iti nothing more difficult 
than in points of Wit and Under- 
standing, in either of which we ve- 
ry unwillingly yield the Preference 
to any Man. There is nothing of 
which we affect to fpeak with more 
humility and indifference than our 
own Senfe, yet nothing of which 
we think with more Partiality, and 
Prefumption. There have been' 
fome lb bold as to alTume the Tide 
6f the Oracles of Reafon to them- 
fclves, and their own Writings ; and 
we meet with others daily, that 
think themfelves Oracles of Wit. 
Thefe are the moft Vexatious A- 
nimals in the World, that think 
they ha\e a Priviledge to torment 
and plague every Body ; but thofe 
moft who have the bed Reputati- 
on for their Wit or Judgment ; as 
Fleas are laid to moled thofe mod, 
who have the tendered Skins, and 
the fweeted Bloorl. 

Of thefe the mod voluminous Fool 
O Is me Fop Poet; who is one that 

V- ># 


has always more Wit in his Pockets charatter 
than any where elfe, yet feldom Qtt* Poaa 
never any of his own there. Efofs 
Daw was a Type of him; For he 
makes himfelf fine with the Plunder 
of all Parties. He is a Smuggler 
of Wit, and fteals French Fancies 
•without paying the cuftomary 
Duties. Verfe is his Manufacture ; 
For it is more the labour of his 
Finger than his brain. He fpends 
much time in Writing, but ten 
times more in Reading what he has 
Written. He is loaden confbmtly 
with more Papers, and duller than 
a Clerk in Chancery, and fpends 
more time in Hearings, and AV- 
hearings. He asks your Opinion, 
yet for fear you ihou'd not jump 
With him, tells you his own firft. 
He defires no Favour, yet is dilap- 
pointed, if he be not Flatter'd, and 
is offended always at the Truth, 
His flrfl Education is generally a 
Shop, or a Count ing-Houje, where his 
acquaintance commences with the 
Bell-man upon a new Years day. 
He puts him upon Intriguing with 
£he MufeSy and promifes to Pimp 


for him. From this time forward 
he hates the name of Mechamck\ 
and refclves to fell all his ftock, arid 
purchaie a Plantation in Parna$t*s\ 
He is now a Poetical Halerdajler 
of Small Wares i and deals very 
much in Novels, Madrigals, Rid* 
dies, Funeral, and Love Odes, and 
Elegies, and other Toyes from He- 
licon, which he has a Shop ib Well 
furniftf d with, that he tan fit you 
with all forts and Sizes upon all 
Occafions in the twinkling of an 
Eye. He frequents Apollo's Ex- 
change in Covent-Qarden, and picks 
up the frefheft Intelligence what 
Flays are upon the Stocks, or rea- 
dy to bekuncrfd; who' have lately 
made a good Voyage, who a faving 
one only, and who have fufTer'd ai 
Wreck in Lincoln s-Inn-Fei Ids, ot 
Drury-Lane, and which are brought 
into the Dock to be Careend and 
fittsd for another Voyage. He 
talks milch of Jack Dry den, and Will. 
Wyderley, and the reft of that Set, 
and pfotefls he ain't help having 
lome refpeevt for 'em, becaufe they 
have lb much for him, and his 

Writings ; 


Writings ; other wife he cou'd fhe\? 
'em to be meer Sots and Blockheads 
that underfland little of Poetry, in 
comparifon of himfelf ; but he for- 
bears 'em meerly out of Gratitude, 
and Companion. Once a Month 
he fits out a fmall Poetical Smeck 
ac the charge of his Bookfeller, 
which he lades with French Plunder 
few Vampt in Engtifh, fmall Ven- 
tures of Tranjlated Odes , Elegies 
and Epigrams of Young Traders, 
3nd ballads with heavy Profeofhis 
Own ; for which returns are to be 
made t6 the feveral Owners in Te- 
llers, or applaufe from the Prenti- 
ces and Tyre Women that deal for 
'em. He is the Oracle of thofe that 
want Wit, and the Plague of thofe 
that have it; for he haunts their 
Lodgings, and is more. terrible to 
em, than their Duns. His Pocket 
fs an unexhauftible Magazine of 
Rhime , and Novfenfe , and his; 
Tongue like a repeating Clock with 
Chimes, is ready upon every touch 
to found to 'cm. Men avoid him 
for the fame Reafon, they avoid 
the Pillory, the fecurity of their 
G Ears $ : 

[ ** ] 

Jiars ; of which he is as mercilefs a 
Perfecutor. He is the Bane of So- 
ciety, a Friend to the Stationers, 
the Plague of the Prefs, and the 
Ruine of his Bockfeller. He is 
more profitable to the Grocers and 
Tabaccomfts than the Paper Manufa* 
tture ; for his Works, which talk 
fo much of Fire and Flame, com- 
monly expire in their Shops in Rak 
pour and Swoak. If he afpire to 
Comedy, he intrigues with fome cx- 
periene'd bantje I of the Town, in or- 
der to inftrud: himfelf in the hu- 
mour of it, and is cullied by her 
into Matrimony, and fo is furninYd 
at once with a Plot, and two gocd 
Characters, himfelf and his Wife, 
and is paid with a Portion for a 
Jointure in Partrajfys, which I leave 
him to make his bell: of. " 

I fhall not trouble you with any 
vanity u- more Infiances of' the foQlifh vani- 
mvtrfkL d ^ of Mankind . becaufe Lam af- 

fraid I have been too large upon 
that Head already. Not that I 
think there is any Order or Degree 
of Men, which wou'd not afford 


t *i 1 

many and notorious inftances for 
our Purpofe. For as I think Vanity 
almoft the Univerfal mover of all 
our Actions, whether good or bad; 
fo I think there are fear ce any Men 
fo Ingenious, or fo Vertuous, but 
fomething of it will fliine through the 
greateft Part of what they do, let 
them call never fo thick a Vail o- 
ver it. What makes Men fo folia- 
tous of leaving a Reputation be- 
hind 'em in the World, though 
they know they can't be affected 
with it after D;ath, but this even 
to a degree of Folly ? What elle 
makes great Men involve themfelves 
in the Fatigues and Hazards of 
War , and intricate Intrigues of 
State , when they have already 
more than they can enjoy, but an 
Itch of being talk'd of and remem- 
bred, to which they facrifice their 
prefent happinefs and repofe > 

But I (hall carry thefe Confide- 
rations no farther; becaufe I have 
already fingled cut fome of thole 
many whole Vanity is more extra- 
vagant and ridiculous, than any our 
6 % Sex 



[ 84] 

Sex is chargeable with, and tiiefe 
flight Touches may ferve to let 'em 
ice, that even the greateft, and 
Wifeft are not wholely exempt, if 
they have it not in a higher De- 
gree, tho' they exercife it in things 
more Popular, and Plaufible. I 
hope therefore the burthen of this 
good Quality will not hereafter be 
laid upon us alone, but the Men 
will be contented to divide the Load 
with us, and be thankful that they 
bear lefs than their Proportion. 

Impertinence comes next under 
Confederation, in whichlfhallbe as 
brief, as I conveniently can, in 
regard I have been fo long upon 
the precedeing Head. Impertinence 
is a humour of buiying our felves 
about things trivial, and of no 
Moment in themielvcs, or unfea- 
fonably in things of no concern to 
us, or wherein we are able to do 
nothing to any Purpofe. Here our 
Adverfaries intuit over us, as if 
they had gain'd an intire Victory, 
and the field were indisputable ; 
but they fliali have ivj caufc for 


1 85 ] 

Triumph, this is no Poft of fuch 
mighty advantage as they fondly 
perfuade themfelves. This Preemp- 
tion arifcs from an Erroneous Con- 
ceit, that all thofe things in which 
they are little concern'd, or con- 
fuked, are triffles below their care commonly 
or notice, which indeed they are mifiakm. 
not by Nature fo well able to ma- 
nage. Thus, when they hear us 
talking to, and advifing one another 
about the Order, Distribution and 
Contrivance of Houfhold Affairs , 
about the Regulation of the Family, 
and Government of Children and Ser- 
vants, the provident management of 
a Kitchin, and the decent ordering 
of a Table, the Suitable Matchi 



and convenient difpofition of Furni 
tare and the like, they prefently 
condemn us for impertinence. Yet 
they may be pleafed to confider, 
that as the aiiairs of the World are 
now divided betwixt us, the Dome- 
flick are our fliare, and out of which 
we are rarely fuffer'd to interpofe 
our Szn\Q. They may be pleafed 
to confider likewife, that as light 
and inconfiderablc as thefe things 
• G 3 feem, 

[ «*] 
feein, they are capable of no Ple$- 
fures of Senfe higher or more re- 
fin'd than thofe of Brutes without 
pur care of 'em. For were it not 
for that, their Houfes wou'd he 
meer Bedlams, their moft luxurious 
Treats, but a rude confiifion of ill 
Digefted, ill mixt Scents and Reli- 
ihes, and the fine Furniture, they 
bcftow io much coft on, but an ex- 
penfive heap of glittering Rublijh. 
Thus they are beholding to us for 
the comfortable Enjoyment of what 
their labour or good Fortune hath 
acquir'd or beftow'd , and think 
meanly of pur care only, becaufe 
they underfiand not the value of it. 
But if we fhall be thought imperti- 
nent for Difcourfes of this Nature, 
as I deny not but we fometimes 
juftly may, when they are unfe^- 
fonable; what cenfurc muft thofe 
Men bear, who are prcpetually 
talking of Politicks, State Affairs 
and Grievances to us, in which per^ 
haps neither they, nor We are much 
concerned, or if we be, are not able 
to propofe, much lefs to apply any 
Remedy to 'em ? Surely thefe are 

imp: r tin eai* 

[ §7 ] 
impertinent; not to call the Beau* 
•or Poet after on the Stage again, 
whofe whole Lives are one con- 
tinued fcene of Folly and Imper- 
tinence; let us make the beft of our 
News Monger* 

He is one whofe Brains having Gharati'er 
been once over-heated, retain fome- °f* '-**£'* 
thing of the Fire in 'em ever after. f-^ n . ** 
He miflakes his Pafiion for Zeal, 
and. his Noife and Buttling, for 
Services. He is always full of 
Doubts, Fears, and Jealoufies, and 
is never without fome notable Dif- 
covery of a deep laid Defign, or a 
dangerous Plot found out in a Meal 
Tub, or Petticoat, He is a mighty 
Liftner after Prodigies, and never 
hears of a Whale, or a Comet, but he 
apprehends fome fudden Revolution 
in the State, and looks upon a 
Groarung-hcara, or a fpeaking-kead , 
as fore-runners of the Day of r^g- 
ment. He is a great Lover of the 
King, but a bitter Enemy to all a- 
bout him, and thinks it impoflible 
for him to have any but Evil Counl 
jdlors, and though he be very zea- 
G 4 lous 

[ 88 ] 
Jous for the Government, yet he 
never finds any thing in it but Grk? 
Tances and Mi/carriages to deciain) 
upon. He is a WelWiflher to the 
Church, but he is never to be recon- 
ciled to the Bijhops and Clergy, and 
rails moft inveterately at the Acl of 
Uniformity. He hates Terfecution 
implacably, and contends furioufly 
for Moderation, and can fcarce think 
well of thz Toleration, becaufe it is 
an .Ad: of the State. He profefles 
llimfelf of the Church of England, 
pretends to like the Worfhip of it, 
but he goes to Meetings in fpighj: 
to the Fcrfon of his Parifh. His Con- 
jc/ence is very tender and fcrupn- 
lous in Matters of Ceremony, but 
it is as fteely and tough as Brawn 
behind his Counter, and can di- 
geft any Sin of Gain. He lodges 
at home, but he lives at the Coffee? 
houfe. He converfes more with 
News Tapers, Gazettes and Votes\ 
than with his Shop Books, and his 
conftant Application to the Puldick 
takes him off all Care for his Private 
Concern. He is always fettling the 
Nation, yet cou'd never manage 'his 


[ *9] 

own Family. He is a mighty Stick? 
ler ar all Elections, and tho' he ha$ 
no Vote, thinks it impoflible any 
thing fhou'd go right unleis he be 
there 10 Bawl for it. Hisbufinefs is at 
Home, but his thoughts are in Flan- 
ders, and he is earneftly invefting 
of Towns till the Sheriff's Officers be- 
leaguer his Doors. He is bufie in 
forcing of Count erfcarps, and ftonn- 
ing of Breaches, while his Creditors 
take his Shop by furprize, and make 
Plunder of his Goods. Thus by 
mending the State, He marrs his 
own Fortme ; and never leaves 
talking of the Laws of the Land, till 
the Execution of 'em filence him. 

This fort of Impertinents the 
Cojfee-houfes are every day full of ; 
nay, fo far has this contagious Im- 
pertinence fpread it felf, that />/- 
vate Houfes, and Shops, nay, the 
Very Streets and Bulks are infeded 
and pcfler'd with Politicks and 
News. Not a Pot cou'd go glibly 
down, or a flitch go merrily for?* 
ward without Namur, a while ago; 
'twas Sf/ce to the Porter's Ale, and 


[ po ] 

Wax to the Caller's Thread; the 
one fufpended his Draught , and 
the otlier his Awl to enquire what 
was become of the Rogue, and were, 
very glad to hear he was taken, 
and expected no doubt he fliou'd 
come over and make 'em a Holy-day 
ac his Execution. They were migh- 
tily rejoye'd at the Arrefting of the 
jvtarefchal Boufjlers, and made no 
queftion but they fhou'd fee him 
amongft the reft of the Beafis at 
Bartholomew Fair for Two Pence. 
This Folly of the Mob was in fome 
meafure_excufable, becaufe their Ig- 
norance led 'em into an expectation 
of feeing what had given the World 
fo much Trouble. But thofe that 
have better knowledge of things 
have no fuch Plea, they ought to 
have been wifer, than to have bu? 
fied themfelves fo much and fo i 
earneilly about affairs, which all 
their care andSollicitude could have, 
no more Influence .upon, than over 
the Weather. 'Twas plealant to fee 
what Shoals the report of the ar- 
rival of a FIoll nd, or Flanders Mail* 
brought to the Secretary's Oj/ce, the 
i Fqji 

t> ] 

Pqfi 0?ce, and the Coffee-Houfe&j 
every one Crowding to catch the 
News firft, which as loon as they 
had, they polled away like lo 
many Exprefies to difperie it among 
their Neighbours at more diftance, 
that waited with Ears prickt up to 
receive 'em, cr walk'd uneafiiy 
with a Foolifh Impatience to and 
from the Door, or Window, as if 
their looking out fo often wou'd 
fetch 'em the f boner. Moft Men m 
their News are like Beau's in their 
Diet, the worft is welcome while 
'tis freili and fcarce, and the beft is 
not worth a Farthing when it has 
been blown upon; and commonly 
they fare like Becuis, are fond of it 
While 'tis young and infipid, and 
ncglecT: it when 'tis grown up to its 
full, and true relifli. No fooner is it 
rumour'd that a Breach is made in the 
Crtjtle Wall, or the White Flaj^ hung 
out, but a Council of War is call'd 
in every Offe* in Town; the 

Wrench, and -£: tch Prints, their Intel- 
ligencers are call'd for immediately, 
and examin'd, and not a Shot is 
ttion'd but they Hart as if vm 


City Mili- 

[ * ] 

Ball whizz'd juft then by their Ears. 
After this follows a ferious debate 
about a general Aflault, and whether 
they lhall dorm immediately, or 
not ; who fhall begin the Attack ; 
what Conditions fhall be granted 
on Capitulation. The Caitle of 
Namitr thus taken, or Surrender'd, 
they proceed to take their Meafures, 
and fettle the next Campaign, and 
whatever harm we fuffer by thofe ' 
mifcheivous French in the Field, 
they are fure to take fufficient Re- 
venge, and pay 'emoffSwingingly 
in the Coffee Jwufes: But as if this 
were not enough, Our great-eft. 
A&ions muftbe BufToon'd in Show, 
as well as Talk. Shall Namur be ta- 
ken and our Hero's of the City not 
fliow their Prowefs upon fo great an 
Occafion? It muft never be faid, 
that the Coffee-houfes dar'd more than 
Moor-Fields ; No, for the honour of 
London, out comes the Foreman of 
the Shop very Formidable in Buff 
and Band i leers, and away he marches 
with Feather in Cap, to the general 
Rendezvous in the Artillery Grou 
There theie terrible Mimicks of 


[93 ] 
Mars are to fpend their Fury in 
Noife and Smoke, upon a Namar 
eredxd for that purpofe on a Mole- 
/v//,and by the help of Guns and 
Drums out-ftink and out-rattle 
Smith-field in all its Bravery, and 
wou'd be too hard for the greaceft 
Man in all France, if they had him 
but amongft 'em. Yet this is but 
Skirmifliing, the hot Service is in 
another Place, when they engage 
the Capons and Quart Pots ; never 
was Onfet more Vigorous, For 
they come to Handy-Blows im- 
mediately, and now is the real cut- 
ting and flairiing, and Tilting with- 
out Quarter, Were the Towns in 
Flanders all wali'd with Beef] and 
the French as good meat as Capons, 
and dreii the fame way, the King 
need never beat his Drums for Sol- 
diers ; all thefe Gallant Fellows 
wou'd come in Voluntarily, the 
meaneft of which wou'd be able to 
eat a Marefchal , and whom no- 
thing cou'd oppofe in conjunction. 

Nothing is more common, and 
familiar than this fort of Impertin- 
ence ; 

feftce; Mod Men wou'd have little 
to do, did they*, bufie themieiveS < 
about nothing, but what they un- 
derftood, or were concerned in. A 
Monkey is not liker a Man in his 
Figure, than in his humour. Hnv 
ready are all Mankind to cenfure 
without Authority, and to give 
advice unaskt, and without reafon. 
They are very much miftaken, that 
think this forwardneis to thruft 
themlelves into other's affairs,fprings 
from any Principle of Charity or 
Tendcmefs fcr 'em, or the leaft Re- 
gard to the Welfare of their Neigh- 
bours. "Tis only a Vain Conceit 
that they are wiier, and more able 
to ad vile, which puts 'em upon en- j 
gaging in things they have nothing 
bffido't; ro c[ wit\h, and palling their Judg- 
ments Magifterially on matters they 
liave no Cognizance of, and gene* 'I 
rally little Information, or Skill in.. 
They are defirous the World fliou'd 
have as great an Opinion of 'em 
as they have of themlelves, and 
therefore impertinently interpoie 
their own Authority and Senfe, tho 
never fo little to the purpofe, only 



[p>- ] 

to fliew how well they cou d manage, 
were it their Bufinefs ; thus they 
advife without good intention, or 
kindnefs, and cenfure without de- 
fign, or malice to the Perfons coun- 
fell'd, or reflected on, Thefe buz- 
zing Infects fwarm as thick every 
where, and are as troublefome as 
Miiskettoes in the Weft-Indies* 
They are perpetually in a hurry of 
Bufinefs, yet are fore'd to rack their 
Inventions to employ their Leifure. 
They are very bufie for every Body, 
and ferve no Body. They are al- 
ways in haft, and think themielves 
expected every where with Impati- 
ence, yet ccme fooner alwayes ehan 
they are welcome. They will walk 
a Mile, and fpend an hour to tell 
any one how urgent their Bufinefs 
is, and what haft they are in to be 
gone. Their Expedition is their 
greateft Lofs, For Time is the only 
thing that lies heavy upon their 
hands. They are walking Gazette, 
tliat carry News from one Neigh- 
bour to another, and have their 
Stages about the Town as regular 
and certain, as a Penny Pcjtmav. 


[ 96 ] 
Every Man is their acquaintaince 3 but 
no Man their Friend. They drudge 
for every Body, and are paid by no 
ho Body, and tho' their Lives be 
worn out in endeavours to oblige 
all Mankind, when they die no one 
regrets their Lofs, or miiles their 

There are another fort of Ini- 
tharaBer pertinents, who, as they mind not 
of a vtrui- t j ie Buftnefs of other Men where it 
concerns 'em nor, neglect it like^ 
wile where it does ; and amufe 
themfelves continually with the 
Contemplation of thofe things , 
which the reft of the World flight 
as ufelefs, and below their regard. 
Of thefe the moft Egregious is the 
Firtmfo, who is one that has fold 
anEftate in Land to purchafe one in 
Scallop, Conch, Mujcle, Cockle Shells, 
Periwinkles, Sea Shrubs, Weeds^ 
TUcffes, Sponges, Cora/Is, Corallineik 
Sea Faris, Fellies, Muchafites and 
flint ■ flones ; and lias abandon'd the 
Acquaintance and Society of Men 
Ibr that of Injects, Worms, Gruhhs, 
Maggots, Flics, Moths s Locufts, Bee* 



ties, Spiders , Grajboppers, Snails > 
§lizards and Tortoifes. His fludy is 
like Noah's Ark, the general Ren- 
dezvous of all Creatures in the t T - 
nizerfe, and the greateft part of his 
Moveables are the remainders of 
his Deluge. His Travels are not 
defign'd as Vifits to the Inhabitants 
of any Place, but to the Pits, Shores 
and Hills ; from whence he fetches 
not the Treafure, but the Trumpe- 
ry. He is raviuYd at finding aii 
uncommon iliell, or an odd lhap'd 
Stone, and is defpefately enamour'd 
at firft fight of an unufual markt 
Butter-flie, which he will hunt a 
Whole day to be Mafter of. He 
trafficks to all places, and has his 
Cbrrefpondents in e'ry part of the 
World ; yet his Merchandizes 
ferve not to promote our Luxury, 
nor encreafe our Trade, and nei- 
ther enrich the Nation, nor him- 
feif. A Box or two of Pebbles or 
Shells, and a dozen of Wafps, Spi- 
ders and Caterpillars are his Cargoe, 
He values a Camelion or Salomon* 
ders Egg, above all the Sugars and 
Spices of the Weft and Eaft-indies, 

I 9* ] 
and wou'd give more for the Shel* 

of a Star-fijh 9 or Sea Urchin entire > 
than for a whole D#ta& Herring 
Fleet. He vifites Mines, Colepits, 
and Quarries frequently, but not 
for that fordid end that other Men. 
ufually do, viz. gain ; but for the 
fake of the foflile Shells and Teeth 
that are iometimes found there. 
He is a fmattcrer at Botany , but for 
fear of being fufpedted of any ufe- 
ful defign by it, he employs his 
ciirioficy only about Moffes, Grajfes,. 
Brakes, ThiJtleSy &c. that are not 
accus'd of any vertue in Medicine, 
which he diftinguiihes and divides 
very nicely. He prefer ves careful- 
ly thofe Creatures, which other Men 
iiiduftrioufly deflroy, and cultivates 
ieduloufly thofe Plants, which o- 
thers root up as Weeds. He n the 
Embaimer of deceas'd Vermin, and 
drefies his Mummy es with as much 
care, as the Ancient Egyptians did 
their Kings. His Cafh con fills 
much m old Coins, and he thinks 
the Face of Alexander in one of 'em 
worth more than all his Conquefts. 
His Inventory is a hit of the In- 

fe£ts of all Countries, and the Shells 
and Pebbles of all Shores, which can 
no more be compleat without two 
or three of remarkable Signatures > 
than an Apothecaries Shop without 
a Tortoife and a Crocodile, or a Coun- 
try Barter's without a batter'd 
Cittern. A piece of Ore with a 
Shell in ic is a greater Prefent than 
if it were fine Gold, and a firing of 
Wampompeag is receiv'd with more 
joy, than a Rope of Orient Fear/, or 
Diamonds wou'd be. His Collecti- 
on of Garden Snails, Cockle Shells 
and Fermine compleated^ ( as he 
thinks ) he fets up for a Philofc- 
phcr, and nothing lefs than Univer* 
fal Nature will ferve for a Subje&%- 
of which he thinks he has an en- 
tire Hiflory in his Lumber Office. 
Hence forward htftruts and five lis * 
and defpifes all thofe little insigni- 
ficant Fellows, that can make no 
better ufe of thofe noble inconte- 
stable Evidences of the Univerfai 
Deluge, Scallop and Oyfler Shells, 
than to flew Oyflers, or rn^lt Brim* 
flone for Matches. By this time he 
thinks it necefiary to give the 

K 2 World 

£ too a 

World an Effay of his Parts, that it 
may think as highly of 'em ( if po- 
ffible ) as he does himfelf; and find- 
ing Mojes hard befet cf late, here* 
folves to give him a lift, and de- 
fend his Flood, to which he is fo 
much oblig'd for fparing his dar- 
ling Toys only. But as great Ma- 
tters life, he corrects him iometimes 
for not fpeaking to his Mind, and 
gives him the lie now and then in 
order to fupport his Authority. He 
fhakes the World to Atoms with 
eafe, which melts before him as 
readily as if it were nothing but a 
Ball of Salt. He pumps even the 
Center, and drains it of imaginary 
ftores by imaginary Loopholes, as 
if punching the Globe full of holes 
cou'd make his Hypothecs hold 
Water. He is a Man of Expediti- 
on, and does that in a few days, 
which coft Mojes fome Months to 
cofnpleat. He is a PafTionate Ad- 
mirer of his own W r orks witlu lit a 
Rival, and fiipercilioufly contemns 
all Ayijivers, yef the leaft Objeilrtifk 
throws him into the Vapours. He 
i$ts up for a grand Fkilojofher, and 


[ 101 ] 

palms Hypothefes upon the World, 
which future Ages may ( if they 
pleafe ) expecl: to hear his Argu- 
ments for ; at prefent he is in no 
humour to give 'em any other fa- 
tisfa&ion than his own word, that 
he is infallible. Yet thole that have 
a Faith complacent enough to take 
a Gentleman's word for his own 
great Abilities, may perhaps be ad- 
mitted to a fight of his grand De- 
monstration, his Raree Show; the 
particulars of which he repeats to 
'em in a whining Tone, e'ry whit as 
formal and merry, though not fo 
Mufical, as the Fellows that ufed 
formerly to carry theirs at their 
Backs. His ordinary difcourfe is 
of his Travels under Ground , in 
which he has gone farther ( if he 
may be believ'd ) than a whole 
Warren of Conies. Here he began 
his Collection of Furniture for his 
Philofophical Toy Shop, which he 
will conclude with his Fortune, 
and then like all Flefh revert to the 
place from whence he came, and be 
tranflated only from one Shop to 

H 3 This, 

[ l°? ] 

This, Madam, is another fort of 
Impertience our Sex are not liable 
to ; one wou'd think that none but 
Mad Men, or highly Hypochondria- 
cal, cou'd employ themfelves at this 
rate. I appeal to you, or indeed 
to any Man of Senfe, whether ads 
like the wifer Animal ; the man that 
with great care, and pains diftin- 
guiflies and divides the many Vari- 
eties of Grafs, and finds no other 
Fruit of his labour,than the charging 
of his Memory with abundance of 
fuperfluous Names ; or the Afs that 
eats all promifcuoufly, and without 
diflinCtion,to fatisfy his Appetite and 
fupport Nature. To what purpofe 
is it, that theft Gentlemen ranfack 
all Parts bdth of Earth and Sea to 
procure thefe Tr/ffles> It is only 
that they may give their Names to 
fome yet unchriften'd Shell or Infedfc. 
I know that the defire of knowledge, 
and the difcovery of things yet un- 
known is the Pretence; But what 
.viedge is it? What Difcoveries 
do w 7 e owe to their Labours ? It is 
only the Difcovery of fome few un- 
heeded Varieties of Plants, Shells, 

[ ro 5 ] 

or Infe&s, unheeded only becaufe 
I ufeleis ; and the Knowledge, they 
boaft fo much of, is no more than 
a Regifter of their Names, and 
Marks of Diftindtion only. It is 
enough for them to know that a 
Silk Worm is a fort of Cater 'filler , 
that when it is come to maturity 
Weaves a Web, is metamorphos'd 
to a Moth-Flye, lays Eggs, and fo 
Dies. They leave all further en- 
quiry.' to the Unlearned and Me- 
chanicks , whofe bufinefs only 
they think it to profecute matters 
of Gain and Profit. Let him con- 
trive, if he can, to make this Silk 
ferviceable to . Mankind ; their Spe- 
culations have another Scope, which 
is the founding fome wild, uncer- 
tain, conjectural Hypothefi?, which 
may be true or falfe ; yet Mankind 
neither Gainers nor Lofers either 
way a little in point of Wifdom or 
Convenience. Thefe Men are juft 
the reverfe of a Rattle Snake, and 
carry in their Heads, what' he does 
in his Tail, and move Laughter ra- 
ther than Regard. Whatj improve- 
ments oiPhyfick, or any ufeful Arts, 
H 4 what 

E 1*4 ] 

what "noble Remedies, what fej> 
viceable Inftruments have thefe 
Mujhrome, and Cockle Jbell Hunters 
oblig'd the World with ? For I am 
ready to recant if they can fliew fo 
good a Mcd'cine as Stew'd Prunes, 
or fo necelTary an Instrument as a 
Flye Flap of their own Invention and 
Difcovery. Yet thefe are the Men 
of exalted Underftandings, the Men 
of elevated Capacities, ^nd fublime 
Speculations, that Dignifie and Di- 
itinguifh themfelves from the reft of 
the World by Specious Names, and 
Pompons Titles, and continue not- 
withftanding as very Replies m 
Senfe, as thofe they converfe fo 
piuch with. 

I wou'd not have any liody mi* 
ftake me fo far, as to think I wou'd 
in the lead reflect upon any fincere, 
and intelligent Enquirer into Nature, 
of which I as heartily wiih a better 
knowledge, as any Vertuofo of 'em 
all. You canbemy Witnefs,M7^7w, 
that I us'd to fay, I thought Mr. 
Boyle more honourable for his learn- 
ed Labours, than for his Ncbie 


[ io 5 ] 
Birth ; and that the Royal Society, 
by their great and celebrated Per- 
formances, were an Illiiftrious Argu- 
ment of the Wifdom of the Augufl 
Prince, their Founder of happy Me* 
rnory ; and that they highly meri- 
ted the Ejleew, Rejpeft and Honour 
paid 'em by the Lovers of Learning 
all Europe over. But tho' I have 
3 very great Veneration for the 
Society in general, I can't but put a 
vafl: difference between the particu- 
lar Members that compofe it. Were 
Supererogation a Doclrine in Fa- 
iliion, 'tis probable fome of 'em 
might borrow of their Fellows 
merit enough to juflifie their Arro- 
gance, but alas they are come an 
Age too late for that trick; They 
are fallen into a Faithlels, Incredu- 
lous Generation of Men that will 
give credit no farther than the 
vifible Stock will extend ; And tho* 
a Vertuolo fhould fwell a Title- 
Page even till it bnrft with large 
Promiies, and foaorous Titles, the 
World isfo ill nattif'd as not to think 
a whit the better of a Book for it. 
*Tis an ill time to trade with irn- 



plicire Faith, when fo many have | 
fo lately been broken by an over- 
flock of that Commodity ; no fooner | 
now a days can a Man write, or 
(teal an Hypothecs, and promiie 
Demonftration for it hereafter in 
this or the next World; but out 
comes fome malicious Anfwer or 
other, with Rcafons in hand againft 
it, overthrows the credit of it, and 
puts the poor Author into Fits. 
For though a great Philofopherthat 
has written a Book of three Shillings 
may reafonably infult, and de r pife 
a fix penny Anfwer, yet the Indig- 
nity of fo low prie'd a Refutation 
wou'd make a Stoick fret, and Frisk 
like a Cow with a Breeze in her 
Tail, or a Man bitten by a Tar aim 
tula. Men meafure themielves by 
their Vanity, and are greater or lefs 
in their own Opinions, according to 
t;he proportion they have of it ; if 
they be well ftock'd with it, it may 
be eafie to confute, but impofllble 
to convince 'em. He therefore that 
wou'd fet up for a great Man,ought 
jfirfl to be plentifully provided of 
i:, and then a Score of Cockle She 


■ [ 107 ] 
a dozen of Hodmcwdods, or any 
Trime eiie is a iufficient Foundation 
to build a Reputation upon. But 
if a Man {hall abdicate his lawful 
Calling in pure affection to thefc 
things, and has for fome years fpent 
all the Time and Money he was 
Ma-(ler of in profecution of this 
Paihon, and lhall after all hear his 
[Caterpillars -affronted, and his But- 
Iter-fties irreverently fpoken of, it 
mull be more provoking to him, 
•than 'tis to a Lion to be puli'd 
jby the Beard. And if, when to 
ij crown all his Labours, he has c!if- 

I cover d a Water fo near akin to 
the famous one, that cou'd be kept 
in nothing but the hoof of an Als, 
that it was never found but in the 
Scull of "the fame Animal-, a Water 
that makes no more of melting a 

\iVorld, than a Dutchman does of a 

II Ferkin of Butter ; and when he has 
j written a Book of Difcoveries, and 
i Wonders thereupon, if ( I fay ^the 
'Impertinent Scriblers of the Age, 

will (till be demanding Proofs and 






reafon; to 

prow clown 


in a rage, and 


[ io8]- 
pronounce the world, that cou'd 
give him fuch an interruption, un-> 
worthy to be bled with his future 
labours, and breath eternal Defiance 
to it, as irreconcilable, as the quar- 
rel of the Sons of Oedipus. To 
which prudent Refolution, let u$ 
leave him till he can recover hj$. 

Thefe In (lances, Madam , will' 
( I hope ) fuffice to (hew that Men. 
are themielves altogether as imper r 
tinent, as they malicioufly miire- 
prcfent us. It is not for want of, 
plenty of others that I content my 
felf with thefe ; but I am not will- 
ing to trouble you with any of an 
inferiour Character. Thefe are all 
impertinents of Mark and Note, and 
have feverally the good fortune tcr 
find crowds of Fools of their own 
Sex to applaud and admire them. 
Imper thence is a failing, that has 
its Root in Nature ; but is not worth 
Laughing at, till it has received the 
finiiliing flrokes of Art. A Man 
through natural defers may do,, 
abundance cf incoherent, fooliih 


[ m 1 

I Anions , yet deferve CcMpajfwti 
land Advice rather than Derifion: 
But to fee Men fpending their For- 
I tunes, as well as Lives, in a courfe 
of Regular Folly , and with an in- 
duftrious, as well as expenfive I- 
dknefs running through tedious 
■ Syflems of impertinence, wou'd have 
jfplit the fides of Her adit us 9 had it 
been his fortune to have been a 
' Spe&ator. 'Tis very eafie to de- 
cide which of thefe Impertinent s is 
die mod fignal ; xWzVertuofo is ma- 
nifeflly without a Competitour. For 
I our Follies are not to be meaiur'd 
I by the degree of Ignorance, that ap- 
pears in 'em, but by the Study, 
Labour and Expence they coft us 
to finilli and compleat 'em. So that 
the more Regularity and Artifice 
diere appears in any of our Extra- 
vagancies, the greater is the folly 
| of em. Upon this Score it is, that 
the laft mentioned defervedly claim 
the preference to all others ; they 
have improvd fo well their Amufe- 
ments into an Art, that the Credu- 
lous and Ignorant are indued to be- 
lieve there is feme fecret Vertue, 



fome hidden Myftery in thofe dar- 
ling toys of theks ; when all their 
Buttling amounts to no more th 
learned Impertinence, ( for lb they 
abufe the Term ) and all they teach 
Men is, but a fpecious expensive 
method of throwing away both 
Time and Money. 

I intend not in what remains to 
trouble you with any more fuch in- 
flances ; becauie I am fenfible thefe 
have already fwell'd this Letter to 
a Voluniriy which was not at firft my 
intent. I fhall therefore difpatch 
the remaining part of the charge in 
as few Words as poflible. Amongft 
n-!Vw< : !«- the reft Diffimulation is none of the 
Tc^ar™ icaft Blem'ifl:es, which they endea- 
vour to fix upon us. This Quali- 
ty, though it can't upon any oc- 
cafion deierve the name of a 
Vertue , yet according to the 
pr^fent Conftitution of the World, 
is many times abfolu'tcly neceflarVj 
and is a main ingredient in the 
Composition cf Human Prudence. 
h is indeed oftentimes criminal, 
but it is only accidentally fo, as In- 


[ <" ] 

duftry,' Wit, and moft other good 
Qualities may be, according, to the 
Ends and Purpoles to which they 
are mifemploy'd. Diflimulation is 
nothing but the hiding or difguifing 
our fecret thoughts, or Inclinations 
tinder another appearance. I fhall 
I not endeavour to abfoive our Sex 
j wholly from all ufe of this Quality ,or 
j Art ( call it which you pleafe ) be- 
Lcaufe I think it may upon many 
jocficaons be uied with Innocence 
J enough, and upon ionic can't with- 
out great Imprudence bz omitted. 
The World is too full of Qmft^ flh* 
lice, and Violence, for abfolute > 
pl'icity' to live in it. It behoves 
therefore our Sex as well as the c- 
ther to live with fo much Caution, 
andCircumfpedion in regard to their 
own Security, that their Thoughts 
and Inclinations may not be lien 
m naked, as to expofe 'em to the 
Snares, defigns, and practices of 
Crafty Knaies, who wou'd make a 
property of 'em ; or lay 'em open to 
the wicked Efforts, and mifchievous 
Impreffions of Envy, or Malice, 
w lipfc ploafure fprings from the hurt 

of others. Nothing gives our Ad- 
veriaries fo great an advantage over 
us, as the knowledge of our Opin- 
ions, and Affe&ions, with fome- 
thing agreable to which they will 
be fure to bate all their Traps and 
Devices. For this reafon it is that 
it has been Proverbially faid of 
Old, that, He that knows not hew to 
Aiffemble , knows not how to Vive: 
The Experience of all Ages fmce 
has confirmed this Observation, 
and ours no lefs than any of the 
Preceding. This premis'd, I flip-* 
pole no Wife Man Will blame our 
Sex for the uie of anArt lo neceflary, 
to preferve 'em from becoming a 
Prey to every defigning Man, an' 
Art of which himfelf muft make 
great ufe to defcrve that Title. Yet 
I am afraid, that upon enquiry our . 
Sex will not be found to have fo 
much of it as is requifife, at lea ft 
not generally; Our fedentary Life, 
add' the narrow Limits to which our 
Acquaintance , and Bufmefs are 
Circumfcrib'd, afford us fo little Va- 
riety, lb regular a Face of things, 
that we want the means of obtain- 

[ lis ] 

ing the Mailer of fo ufeful an Art* 
which no queftion but we Jhou'd as 
foon acquire as Men, had we but 
equal Opportunities. Hence it is 
that Women are more apt to fhow 
their Refentments upon all Provocati- 
ons than Men ; and are thought na- 
turally more Teevifh and Captious, 
by tlioie that apprehend not the true 
reafort ; Whereas Men are altogether 
as Stomachful, and take Offence as 
foon, but they cover and fupprefs 
their Indignation better, not with 
a defign to forget any Injury re- 
ceiv'd, but to wreak their Revenge 
more covertly and effectually. This 
is another advantage Men derive 
from liberty of-Converfation and 
j>romifcuous Bufinefs, wherein the 
Variety of Contingencies they have 
to provide agamft, and the Diver- 
fity of Tempers they deal with, 
force 'em to turn and wind them- 
felves into all Shapes, and accom- 
modate themfelves to all Humours. 
There is indeed yet a higher fort of ■ 
Dijfi mutation, which is always Cri- oiflimufa. 
winal, that is when Men not only thn wh < n 
doud their real Sentiments and. j n . c * 772 ' /w - 
I tendons 

[ "4 ] 
tentions, but make ProfeiTion of 
and feem zealoufly to affecT: the con- 
trary ; this by a more proper and 
reftrain'd Name is cali'd Dcceipt, 
and is always us'd in an ill Senfe. 
This Art is moft pradtic'd in Courts 
where Politic, and Amhtion reign ; 
there You may fee Enemies hugging 
and carefiing one another with all 
outward ExpreJJions of Tendernefs 
and Friend [flip imaginabe , while 
they are fecretly contriving each 
others mine. There you may fee 
Men cringing to thofe, they wou'd 
Spurn if they durft, and Flattering 
tnofe they defpife and rail at behind 
their Backs, The Court is a place 
where we come very rarely other- 
wife than as Spectators, not as Act' 
ours ; as Ornaments, not as Inftru- 
' merits \ and therefore are feldom 
■involv'd in the guilty Piaclices of 
it. Nor is it the Court only, but 
all Places are infected with this Vice, 
where there is any Encouragement 
of Profit or Pleafure to be hop d- 
from fuccefsful Treachery, of which 
no Place is fo barren as not to afford 
ibme. This D:-ceipt is lb far from 



»y ] 

being the Vice of our Sex, that they 
are the common Object en which it 
is daily pra&ic'd : Nothing is more 
frequently met with than falfe Love Falfe z*M 
in Men, which is now grown &!*"%# 

o pv stela a, 

familiar, that a Company of Six of 
both Sexes can fcarce meet, but a 
Sham Pajjlon commences immedi- 
ately, is urg'djprotefted, and fworn 
to be real with all imaginable Vio- 
lence. If thefe falfe Arts, mock 
fighing, and Dying prevail upon 
any foolifh, eafie, credulous Woman, 
the Sham Lover is blown up widi 
the Succefs, he is big and in La- 
bour till he bedeliver'd of the Secret, 
which with great fatisfa&ion he 
proclaims in all Places where He 
comes : 'tis his higheft Exploit of 
Gallantry > which he will by no 
means lofe the credit of. Thus he 
thinks her mine a ftep to Reputa- 
tion, and founds his own Honour 
upon her Infamy. This Madarn is 
the bafeft of Treachery ; for they 
are not fatisfied with the Suc- 
cefs of their falfe Promifes, and 
Oaths, but they intuit over the weak- 
nefs of a too fond Woman , and 7/v- 
I % uwfh 

i ntf ] 

umph in her Dilhonour. I am forry 
there are any Women fo fooliih and 
forward, as to give hopes and en- 
couragement to filch ungenerous 
Fellows ; yet we may be afTur'd, 
that they are not a quarter fo many 
as thofe vain Boafters woii'd make 
'em. Much more be faid on this 
head, but that I think it high time 
to pafs on to the next, which is 
Envicufnefs, fo foul a Blot to a fair 
Chara&er, that no Merit can wafli 
it out, or atone fufficiently for 

Envy is the Parent of Calumny, 
and the Daughter of jealoujie . Men 
feldom envy others, till they fear' 

Envhufncfs bdn g 0Ut ftri p' d h Y ' Cm in FortlUlC 

or Reputation. It is the mod 
criminal, becaufe the moft injurious 
to Vertue, and worth of all our 
natural Failings, againft which it's 
Malice is generally bent. This 
vice and Jea/oufic leem to be more 
particularly hated of Providence than 
any other ; For they carry their 
Puniiliment inicparably along with 
'em, The Envious and the Jealous 


[ M7,] 

need no other Tormentours than 
their own Thoughts. The Envious 
Man mines his own to difturb ano- 
thers Tranquillity, and lacrifices 
his own Happinefs and Repofe to a 
perverfe Defire of troubling his 
Neighbours. He feeds like Toads 
upon the Venome of the Earth, and 
fucks in Scandal greedily, that he 
may at Pleafure difgorge it to the 
greater annoyance of other Men. 
His mind has the Vapours, a Sweet 
Report of an y one throws it into 
Convulfions, and Agonies, and a 
.foul one is the Releif and Refrefh- 
ment of it. A wholeibme Air free 
from the Blafts of Detraction and 
Slander is as certainly pernicious to 
him, as Ireland to Frogs and Toads. 
This Vice is generally difclaim'd by 
both Sexes, yet generally pra&icd 
by both. Men love as little to have 
their Reputation as their Chimneys 
over-topt by their Neighbours ; For 
they think by that means their names 
become dark,as theirHouiesdo fmoa- 
ky by the other : Yet thro' a lazy 
Malignity had rather pull the other's 
down to their Level, than build 
1 3 their 

[ «i8 ] 

their own up higher. This Humour 
prevails indeed, yet not in equal 
Meafure in both Sexes. For as we 
have confcfledly lefs Ambition, fo 
have we apparently lefs of this Poi- 
lon wbicfi ufually attends it, and 
ariies From a felf Interefted Princi- 
ple, which makes 'erh endeavour by 
bafe finifter means to level that 
Merit which they think flands in 
their way to Preferment, and which 
they defpair of being able to fur- 
niount by honourable attempts. Fcr 
what nc^d any one uie bale Sleights 
to flop the Man, whom by fair 
Speed he thought he cou'd overtake. 
No foor.e; is any Man rais'd to any 
Eminence in the World, but half 
the Sex at lead join in Confederacy 
to raife a Battery of Scandal againft 
him, to bring him down again. 
Honour is the Pillory of great 
Defert, whither a Man is no fooner 
rais'd, but the vile Rafcally infer t- 
our Croud gather immediately toge- 
ther, to throw Dirt at him, and make 
that which was intended as a Grace, 
and Reward, but a more honourable 
Pimifhment. Our Sex feklom ar- 

[ up] 

rive -to this Pitch of Envy, our 
Ambition is more bounded, and our 
Defires fooner fatisfied. Hence it is 
that we are lets troubl'd at the Prof- 
perity of others ; for not giving our 
ielves the Liberty of aiming at things 
far out of our Power, they are the 
fooner compais'd, and we the fooner 
at Eafe. He, that thinks himfelf 
Happy, is incapable of Envying 
another's Felicffy, fince he fees him 
poflefs'd of nothing which either he 
has not or defpifes not. Yet it mud 
be confeiVd that the leiTer Piques, 
and Grudgings are daily to be met 
with among us, but no lefs among 
Men. What is it that (pawns daily 
fuch Fryes of Satyr ifts without Wit, 
and Critkks without Judgment, but 
this humour of carping, and nib- 
bling at the Reputation of others I 
But they are generally abundantly 
furniflit with Impudence, a good 
Quality that commonly fupplies 
largely the want of all other. 

A Critkk of this fort is one that oflchy 
for want of Wit fees up for .JuJgr Critick 
inent\ yet he has fo much Ambition 
I 4 to 

[ 120 ] 

%o be thought a Wit, that he let? 
jiis Spleen prevail againft Nature, and 
turns Pcet. In this Capacity he 
is as juft to the World as in the o- 
ther Injurious. For as the Critick 
vvrong'd ev'ry Body in his Cenfure, 
and fnarl'd, 3nd grin'd at their 
Writings, the Poet gives 'em Oppor^ 
punity to do themfelves Juftice, to 
return the Compliment and laugh at 
or defpife his. He wants nothing 
but Wit to fit him for a Satyrifl, yet 
he has Ga//znd Vanity enough to dife 
pence with that Want, and write 
without it. His works are Lilclls 
upon cthers,but Satyrs upon himfelf> 
and while they Bark at Men oi' Wit, 
call him Fool that writ 'em. He 
takes his Malice for a Mufe, and 
thinks himfelf infpir'd when he is 
only PcJfefsJ, and blown up with 
a Flatus of Envy and Vanity. His 
great helps to Poetry are Crambo ,and 
Arithmetic}:, by which he afpires to 
Chime, and Numbers, yet miilakes 
frequently in the tale of his Fingers. 
He has a very great Antipathy to 
his own Species, and hates to fee a 
fool any where bat in his Glafs. 


[ *ml 

For ( as he fays ) they Provoke him 
And offend his Eyes : He Follows 'em jth. satyrj 
as a Dog perfues his Prey, and barks b lP oileati 
tvhe/iere He/mells 'em in his way : He 
knows, to jay no wore xhztWit is fear re, 
to gingle out a Rhime, or tag a Verfe : 
Or Cobble wretched Profe to numerous 
Lines ; There if he has a Genius there 
it jbines. His Fund of Criticifm is 
a Set of Terms of Art pickt out of 
the French Cri ticks, or their Tran- 
slators ; and his Poetical (lock is a 
Common Place of certain Forms ani 
Manners of ExprefTion. He writes 
better in Kerje than Profe; For in 
that there is Rhime, in this neither 
Rhime nor Reafon, He talks much of 
the Naivete of his Thoughts, which 
appears fufficiently in the Dullnefs of 
'em ; yet nothing but the Fhlegma- 
tick, Spiritlefs Air is his own. He 
rails at Mr. Oldham for want of 
Breeding and good Manners with- 
out a grain of either, and fteals his 
own Wit to befpatter him with, 
but like an ill O.ymift, he lets 
the Spirit flie of in the drawing 
over, and retains only the Phlegm, 
He cenfures Mr. Cowley for too 


[ I22 ] 

much W/t, and corre&s him with 
none. The difference between Mr. 
Cowley and him is this ; the one 
has too much Wit, and too fine for 
the Standard ; the other not enough 
to blanch hisbafe Metal, or cover 
the Brafs of his Counterfeits. To 
compieat himfelf in the Formalities 
of Parndjfys, he falls in love and 
tells the World, it is oblig'd to his 
Tajfwn for his Poetry, but if his 
Miftrefs prove no more indulgent 
than his Mufe y his Amour is like to 
conclude but unluckily. For if his 
Love be no warmer than his Lines, 
his Corlnna may play with his 
Flame without danger of Burning. 
He pretends to have written only, 
his fincereft Thoughts ; I don't 
know how well hisMiftrefs may take 
that from the Lover, but I dare 
fwear the World did not expedt it 
from the Poet. He is happieft at 
the Pidture of a Rhiming Fool, for he 
need only to look in his Glals, and 
he may Copy a Country Wit from 
the City Original. If this Rhiming 
Humour lafls, there's a good Sugar* 
Joiler lpoii'd for an ill Feet; yet for his 
€omfort,TimeJmprovement ; and t\\ o 


[ 1*3 3 

or three Bocks more may raife him 
to Rival E — £ — and fing London^ 
Triumphs, to the Envy of Tom Jor- 
dan of happy Memory. 

You may wonder, Madam, why 
I fhou'd give you the trouble of this 
Character, after I had given you 
my word to trouble you with no 
more of this Nature. I mull confefs, 
I am forrv that fo foolilh an Occafi- 
on cou'd make me forget my felf; bu: 
a Book newly publiih'd happening 
juft at this Juncture unluckily to fall 
? into my Hands, I ccu'd net wkhout 
Indignation fee the Scurrility and 
Jnfolence, with which Mr. ( 
and Mr. Cowley are treated ; and 
cou'd not but relent a little the 
Wrongs done to the Memory of 
Men whom the reft of the World 
with Juftice admire; and cou'd not 
help taking Notice upon fo fair an 
Opportunity, that they are not, 
tho' dead, to be fo rudely plaid 
with, and made the Mav-Game of 
e'ry Sflenetkk fiw. There are 
fome yet living, whole Wit and 
Performances deferve a more refp^cl- 
ful treatment, than they have met 
frith from him. But they are able 


[I2 4 ] 

to revenge their own Quarrel, if 
they think he deferves the honour 
to be Scourg'd by 'em. Nothing but 
Envy and a Vain Conceit of hmiielf 
cou'd move him to attack the Re- 
putation of Men, whofe Verie will 
alwayes command Admiration , 
while his own raife nothing but 
Scorn and Indignation. If his Book- 
feller were but bleft with half a do- 
zen fuch Authors, he wou'd in a 
fliort time infallibly be Stationer 
, general to all the Grocers and Tobac* 
tonijls in the Town. 

After this Digreffion, Madam, let 
us return to our Subject. We (land 
yet charg'd with Levity, and Incon- 
jlancy , two Failings fo nearly re- 
lated and fo generally United, that 
Levity. x it his hard to treat of 'em apart ; we 
will therefore confider 'em briefly to- 
gether. Levity is an unfteddy Humor 
that makes men like and diflike, feek 
and reject frequently the fame things 
upon (lender or no Reafons. This is 
the Humour of the Infancy of both 
Sexes, and proceeds from the ftrength 
of their Appetites, and the weak- 


[ «* ] 

fiefs of their Judgments. At thefe 
tender Years every thing we fee 
moves our Curiofities, and becaufe 
we think little beyond our Appe- 
tites, defire impatiently whatever 
pleafes. This wears of in Propor- 
tion to the growth of our Judg- 
ments, when we begin to confider 
the Fatigue, Hazard, Difrcputation, 
and other Inconveniences that at- 
tend unreasonable, or inordinate 
Defires. Herein our Sex have a 
fnanifeft Advantage over the other ; 
For it is confefs'd on all hands that 
our Judgments ripen fooner than 
theirs, whence of courfe it Follows, f^ Leq)l ^ 
that this Folly prevails not io long women 
upon us, as them. Tis yet true, thm MiH - 
that even the moll experienc'd and 
wifefl of Us have no iinall mixture 
of it, which appears in the greateft 
Part of our Actions. But it is cer- 
tain likewife, that Men have a 
greater proportion of it than we. 
From this it is that Novelty deii- 
ves all its Charms, and that Men 
fertile with lb much Eagernefs and 
Impatience what they fo foon flight 
if obtain\i I appeal to the Expe- 

rience of all mankind, if they do 
not generally frame to themJelves 
much greater Idea's of any thing 
they defire, and are unacquainted 
with, than they find real, when they 
becomeJFamiliar to 'em ; and if they 
did not imagine greater Pleafures, 
while they were in perfuit, than 
they met with after they were in 
PofTeiTton of their Wiflies. The 
Imagery of Fancy is, like fome Pain- 
tings, ravifhing, and furprizing at a 
due diflance, but approach 'em near* 
and all the Charms and Beauty va- 
nifli, and they appear rough and 
tinpleafant. Hence it is. that Men 
grow uneafie, and their defires pall 
fo loon upon the full enjoyment of 
their VViihes ; they fee then the 
imperfections as well Beauties of 
what they covered, which glitter 'd 
fo far of, and like the Moon apr- 
pear'd all Luflre and Smoothnefs, 
but when arrived at, all dark and 
uneven. Thefe Fallacies Men are 
more lubmitted to than we, by 
thofe very Privileges which give 
'em in fome things the advantage 
over us. The variety of Bufinefs, 


[ 127 ] 
and Society they run through, the 
large acquaintance they contract, 
'give 'em encouragement to afpirc 
to, and hopes to obtain many dif- 
ficult things, which our Sex fel- 
dom lift their Thoughts up to. I 
know this afpiring Humour of theirs 
is generally call'd Ambition, and I 
"allow the Term to be proper; but 
their Ambition works upon their 
Levity, which only can make them 
Barter certain Eafe, Peace and Se- 
curity, for uncertain Pomp and 
'Splendour; and forfake a Conditi- 
*on they know to be good, for one 
[they know no more of, than that 
Bt Shines, and that: it Glitters, and 

* and fo part with the true Jewel for 
the falfe one. Thefe are the feri- 
rious and applauded Follies of 
Mankind, and mew the Weaknefs 
and Levity of thofe we call the 
greateft, and wifeft Men, that fa- 

'crifice the Eafe and Pleafure of 
their lives to Popular Breath, and 
founding Tides, which is like bar- 
tring a fmall Diamond for a large 

* Biafs Bubble, 

In con* 

[ I*« ] 

tikmflamy Inconflancy is fo like Levity that 
little more needs to be faid of it, 
only that it is commonly reftrain'J 
to the change of Affections in regard 
to Perfons, and fo is cheifly con- 
cern' d in Love and Freindihip. It 
is founded upon Levity, thro' which 
we firft make an injudicious Choice, 
and are afterwards as unrea-" 
fonably difgufted with it. This 
happens oftner in Loze,thzn Friend* 
jkip ; becaufe the Imprefiions of Love 
are more fuddenly receiv'd, and the 
Effects of it more violent, than thole 
■ofFriendJhipi and the Defires,whicH 
are commonly kindled by one fmgle 
Perfection, fuch as Beauty or Win 
not being fuddenly anfvvered, are 
in Procefs of time extinguihYd, or 
abated by obfervation of fome diP 
guftful Imperfection or other in the 
Perfon belov d. This is indeed the 
nve, why true Reaibn, why Love, which is 
hfioncoid. generally fo hot at firft, cools com- 
monly fo fuddenly; becaufe being 
generally the Iliue of Fancy, not 
Judgment, it is grounded upon ani 
over great Opinion of thole Perfect! 
ions, which firft ftrike us, and 


[ 12p ] 

which fall in our Efteem upon more 
manure Examination. From whence 
it is likewife that Men are lets con- 
ftant iri their AfTe&ions, than we i 
for Beauty only being generally the 
Object of their Paffion, the Effed: 
mud neceflarily be as fadeing as the 
Caufe ; their Love therefore being 
only the refult of wonder and Sur- 
prize, is abated by Familiarity, aad 
decays, as they wear of, by Degrees: 
Befidc, that, a Love fo Founded is 
liable to be raviflfd by any Superi- 
our Beauty ; or if not fo, yet the 
Novelty of the Former once worn 
of, the New Comer has the aflift- 
a nee of Fancy the Slave of Novelty 
to gain the Superiority. This is 
the Caufe why fo few real and lad- 
ing Paffions are found amongft Men, 
For Charms depending upon, and 
owing their Power to Fancy, cari 
maintain no Conquefts any longer* 
than that is on their fide, vVhich is 
as inconftant as the Wind. In this MmAc** 
a-lfo we are left faulty, than thev ; ^ rLo " 
For, not ufualiy fixing our Affe- 
ction on fo mutable a Thing as the 
Beauty of a face, which a rhoufaridl 
K accidents 

[ «30 1 

accidents may deftroy, but on Wit, 
Good Humour, and other Graces of 
the Mind, as well as of the Body, 
our Love is more durable, and con- 
ftant in proportion to the longer 
continuance of thofe Qualities in 
the Objed:. Neither indeed have 
we the means, or temptation to be 
Fickle and inconflant fo ready as 
Men have; For Modefty, and the 
Rules of Decency oblerv'd among 
Us, not permitting to us the Liberty 
of declaring our lentiments to thole 
we love, as Men may, we dare 
not indulge a wanton Fancy, or 
rambling Inclination, which muft 
be fliffled in our own Breafts, and 
cou'd only give us a hopekfs An- 
xiety, unlels we were able to infpire 
the fame Paffion for us in them ; 
which it were vain to exped, without 
breaking thro' all reftraint of Mode- 
fty and Decorum at the price of our 
Fame and Reputation, which I hope 
few are fo daring as to venture. 
Befides this our are by 
Nature calm, iedace, and tender, 
not apt to be ruffl'd, and diflurb'd 
by PalllonSj and too fearful to enter- 

[ nr] 

prize any thing in fatisfaclion cf 
'em; theirs on the contrary, bold, 
active, and uneven, eafily fufceptible 
of all manner of Defires, and readi- 
ly executing any Defigns to gratifie 
'em. Thus are vve debarred the 
liberty of chufing for our leives, 
and confin'd to pleafe our felves out 
of the number that like and addrefs 
to us, of which if we fix our Af- 
fections upon any one, we are 
generally fixt and unmoveable, as 
having neither the Inclination to, 
nor opportunity of Inconftancy, that 
the Men have. I don't deny bat 
that there may be fome among us 
guilty of this Fault, but they are 
vaftly fliort of the Number of Men 
involv'd in the like Guilt, amongft 
whom it is now grown fo fafliionable, 
that is become no Scandal; but is 
daily juftifted, and the Treachery 
boafted of as high Gallantry. The 
Crimes therefore of fome few Wc- 
men ought, to be no reproach to the 
Sex in general. Of Infidelity in 
Friendfhip I fhall fay little, becaufe 
I think there are fo few Inftances of 
any thing that deferve the Name, 
K z that 

[ ■'** ] 

that fcarce any Age has been fo 
fruitful as to produce two Pair of real 
and true Friends. I know that the 

Freindjbip. Name is commonly given to fuch as 
are linkt by any Ties of Confan- 
guinity, Affinity, Intereft, mutual 
Obligations, Acquaintance, and the 
like : But thele are fuch Friendfhips 
( if they may be call'd fo ) as are 
always contracted with a tacit 
Referve to Intereft on both fides, 
and- feldom laft longer than the 
Profperity of either Party, and du- 
ring that are frequently renounced 
upon flight Difohligations, or lan- 
guilh and die of themfelves. Yet 
if I may preiume to give my Opinion 
in a Cafe, where matter of Fact 
does not appear, I think we fhou'd 
be the more Faithful even in this 
too : For as we are lefs concerned in 
the Affairs of the World, fo we have 
lefs Temptation from Intereft to be 
falle to our Friends. Neither are 

fe? ; ? ^we lb likely to be falfe thro 1 Fear; 

'than Men. becauie o: i r Sex arc feldom engag'd 
in maters cf any Danger, tor 
thele Reaions it is, our Sex are gene- 
rail; mof€- hearty and fmcere in the 


[ m ] 

ordinary triendfhips they make 
than Men, among whom they are 
ufually clogg'd with fo many Coiir 
^derations of Intereft, and Puncti- 
lio's of Honour ; to which laft per- 
haps are owing the greatcft part cf 
thoie honourable Actions, which 
are miftakenly imputed to Friend- 
fhip. For fomething done to falve 
Honour, commonly puts a Period 
to all Friendfhip, with unfortunate 
Perfons ; whom Men think they may 
afterward grow cold to without Re- 

Thefe are the moft confiderable 
Imperfections, or at leaft thoie, 
which with moft Colour of Reafon 
are charg'd upon us, as general De- 
fects ; and I hope, Madam, I have 
fairly fliown, that the other Sex are 
both by Intereft and Inclination 
more expos'd, and more Subject to 
'em, than we. Pride, Lufl, Cruel- 
ty, and many more, are by the De- 
claimed againft us thrown into the 
Scale to make weight and bear 
us down, bat with Fuch manifeft 
Injuftice, that without giving my 
K 3 iclf 

[ '34] 
*elf any further trouble,! dare appeal 
to any reafonabie Man, and leave 
hI&re m him to decide the Difference. I 
Men than know there was a Tullia, a Claudia, 
W mm ' and a Mejfalma; there was like- 
wife, a Sardanapalus, a. Nero, a Cali- 
gula; but if the Sexes in general 
are to be reproach'd with, and mea- 
fur'd by thefe ; Human Race is 
certainly the vileft Part of the Cre- 
ation. 'Tis very ill Logic k to ar- 
gue from Particulars to Generals, 
and where the Premifles are Angular, 
to conclude Univerfaily : But if 
they will allow us the Liberty they 
take themfelves, and come to num* 
bering the Vicious, of both Sexes, 
they will certainly out poll us by 
infinite Numbers. It were therefore 
better Policy furely in them, to quit 
a way of arguing, which is at once 
fo falie, and fo much to the difad- 
vantage* of the Caufe they contend 
for : and when they can by found 
Arguments make out any Advanta- 
ges their Sex has over curs, other 
than what I have already granted, 
I am ready to be convinced, and be- 
come their Convert : and I make 


[ '55 ] 

no doubt but every ingenuous Man 
will do as much by me. Thus I 
have endeavour'd to vindicate our 
Sex, from the unjuft Imputations 
with which fome unreafonable, mali- 
cious Men wou'd load us : For I am 
willing to think the greater, or at 
leaft the better Part of their Sex, 
more generous than to encourage 
their Scandal. There remains no- 
thing more, but to fliew that there 
are fome neceflary Qualifications 
to be acquir'd, fome good Improve- 
ments to be made by Ingenious 
Gentlemen in the Company of our 

Of this number are Complacence, 
Gallantry, Good Humour, Invention, r f^ tag ^" 
and an Art, which ( tho' frequent- from m- 
ly abus'd ) is of admirable u fe r/IS ™ Comm 
to thofe that are Matters of it $ f 
the Art of Infinuation, and many 
others. 'Tis true a Man may be 
an Honeft and Underftanding Man, 
without any ofthefe Qualifications ; 
but he can hardly be a Polite, a 
Well Bred, an Agreable, Taking 
Man, without all, or moft of thefe. 
K 4 With- 

[ '3*1 

Without 'em Honejiy, Courage, or 
Wit, are like Rough Diamonds, or 
Gold in the Ore, they have their 
intrinfick Value, and Worth, be- 
fore, but they are doubtful and ob- 
fcure, till they are poliftfd , refin'd, 
and receive Luflre, and Efte-cm from 

CmpU- *^ ie P r * nc ip a l °f c ' ie ^ e * s Ccm- 
feme to be pUuence, a good Quality, without 
k*m*d bj y.hich in a competent Meafure no 
Man is fi.ted for Society. This is 
beft learnt in our Company, where 
all Men affedt Gaiety, and endea- 
vour to be agreable. State News., 
Politicks, Religion, or private Bu- 
finejs take up the greateft Part of 
their Converfation, when they are 
among themfelves only. Thefe are 
Subjects that employ their PaiTi- 
pns too much, to leave any room 
for Complacence ; they raife too 
much heat to fuffer Men to be ea- 
f,e and pleafant, and Men are too 
ferious when they talk of 'em, to 
iupprefs their natural Temper, 
•V hich are apt to break out upon any 
£)ppofition. Men are as apt to de- 

[ *77 ] 
fend their Opinions, as their Pro- 
perty, and wou'd take it as well to 
Jiave their Titles to their Eflates que- 
ftion'd, as their Senfe ; and perhaps 
in that they imitate the Condudt 
pf our Sex, and do, like indulgent 
Mothers, that are moll tender of 
thofe Children that are weakefL 
But however it be, I have obferv'd, 
when fuch Arguments have been 
, introduced even in our Company, 
and by Men that affecT: Indifference, 
and abundance of Temper, thae 
very few have been able to fhew 
fo much Maftery, but that fome- 
thing appear'd either in their Air, 
pr Expreffion, or in the Tone of 
their Voices, which argued a great- 
er Warmth, and Concern, than 
is proper for the Conversation of 
Gentlemen, or the Company of La* 
dies. Thefe . Uneafinefles happen 
not fo often among us, becaufethe 
Men look upon us to have very 
little Intereft in the Publick Affairs 
of the World, and therefore trouble 
us very feldom with their grave, 
ferious Trifles, which they debate 
With fo much canieihieis among ong 



another. They look upon us 
as Things defign'd and contriv'd on- 
ly for their Pleafure, and therefore 
ufe us tenderly, as Children do 
their Favourite Bawbles. They 
talk gayly, and pleafantly to us, 
they do, or fay nothing that may 
give as any Difguft, or Chagriui 
they put on their cheadfulleft 
Looks, and their bed Humour, 
that they may excite the like in us : 
They never oppofe us but with a 
great deal of Ceremony, or in 
Raillery, not out of a Spirit of 
Oppofition, ( as they frequently 
do one another ) but to maintain 
a pleafant Argument, or heigthen 
by variety of Opinions an agreable 
Entertainment. Mirth, and Good 
Humour reign generally in our 
Society, Good Manners always ; 
For with us Men fhew in a manner, 
the Reverfe of what they are one 
to another : They let their thoughts 
play at Liberty, and are very care- 
ful of the Expreflion, that nothing 
harfli, or obfcene efcape 'em, that 
may fhocka tender Mind, or offend 
a modeft Ean This Caution it is, 


[ '59 ] 
which is the Root of Complacence* 
which is nothing but a Defire to 
oblige People, by complying with 
their Humours. 'Tis true fome 
Tempers are too Obftinate, and 
froward, ever to arrive at any great 
Heigth of this good Quality, yet 
there is nothing lb ftubborn, but it 
may be bent. Affiduity and con- 
ftant Practice will contract fuch 
Habits, as will make any thing 
eafie and familiar, even to the worft 
contriv'd Difpofition ; but where 
Nature concurs, Men are Icon 
Perfect. This is one great advan- 
tage Men reap by our Society, nor 
is it to be defpis'd by the Wifcft of 
'em, who know the ufe of this 
Accomplilhment, and are fenfible, 
that it is hardly, if at all, tosbe ac- 
quired, but by converfmg with us. 
For tho' Men may have Wit and 
Judgment, yet the Liberty they 
take of thwarting, and oppofing 
one another makes 'em Eager, and 
Difputative, Impatient:, Sovvre, and 
Merofe; till by converfmg with us, 
they grew infenfibly afham'd of fuch 
i-uilick Freedom. The truth of this 


[ Ho] 
is Evident from the Obfervation of 
the Univerfities, and Inns of Court , 
1 mean thoie Students in 'em that 
lead a more reclufe and Monaftick 
Life, and converfe little with our 
Sex. They want neither Wit, nor 
Learning, and frequently neither 
Generofity, nor Good Nature, yet 
when they come into gay, tho' In- 
genious Company,are either damp'd 
and filent,or unfeafonablyFrolickfom 
and Free, lb that they appear either 
Dull, or Ridiculous. 

Nor is Complacence the only thing 
c * ll ™l r J h .thele Men want, they want like- 
•^cow^wife the Gallantry of thole Men 
? 9» that frequent our Company. This 

Quality is the heigth and perfection 
of Civility, without which it is 
either Languifhing, or Formal, and 
with which it appears always with 
an engaging Air of Kindnefs, and 
Good Will. It fets a value upon the 
moft inconfiderable Trifles, and 
turns every Civility into an Obli- 
gation. For in ordinary Famili- 
arities, and civil Correfpondencies, 
we regard not fo much what, as 


[ M* J 
llow things are done, the Manner is 
more lookt upon than the Matter of 
fuch Courtefies. Almoft all Men 
thlSfct have had a liberal, and good 
Education know, what is due to 
Good Manners, and civil Company. 
But till they have been us'd a little 
to Our Society, their Modefty fits 
like Conftraint upon 'em, and looks 
like a fore d Compliance to uneafie 
Rules, and Forms of Civility. Con- 
verfing frequently with us makes 
'em familiar to Men, and when they 
are convincd,as well of the Eafineis, 
as the Neceflity of 'em, they arc 
foon rcconcird to the Practice. 
This Point once gain'd, and they 
become expert in the common, and 
neceflary Practices. Thofe that have 
any natural Bra\ery of Mind, will 
never be contented to flop there ; 
Indifference is too cold and Phleg- 
matick a thing for 'em, a little For- 
mal Ceremony, and common Civi- 
lities, fuch as are paid to e'ry one 
of Courie, will not iatisfie their 
Ambitious Spirits, which will put 
'em upon endeavouring for better 
Receptions, and obliging thofe, 


[*4 2 ] 
whom they can't without Reproach 
to themlelves offend. This is the 
Original, and firft Spring of Gallan- 
try, which is an Humour of Oblig- 
ing all People, as well in our Act- 
ions as Words. It differs from 
Difference Complacence, this being more active, 
betwixt that more paflive; This inclines us 
TmeZd to oblige, by doing or faying after 
Gallantry, our own Humours fuch things as 
we think will pleafe ; that by fub* 
mitting to, and following theirs. 
A Man may be Complacent without 
Gallantry, but he can't be Gallant 
without Complacence. For 'tis pof- 
fible to pleafe and be agreable, with* 
out Ihewing our own Humours to 
Others ; but 'tis impoflible with- 
- out fome regard to theirs : yet this 
Pleafure will be but faint and lan- 
guid, without a Mixture of both. 
This mixture of Freedom, Qbfer- 
vance, and a defire of pleafing, 
when rightly tempered, is the true 
Compofition of Gallantry ; of which, 
. who ever is compleat Mailer, can 
never fail of being both admir'd, ani 
be'ov'd. This Accomplishment is 
beit, if not only to be acquifd by 


[ *43 ] 
converfing with us ; for befides the 
natural Deference, which the Males 
of every obfervableSpecies of the cre- 
ation pay to their Females, and the 
Reafons before given for Complacence, 
which all hold good here, there is 
a tender Softnefs in the Frame of 
our Minds, as well as in the Confti- 
tution of our Bodies, which infpire 
Men, a Sex more rugged, with the 
like Sentiments, and Affe&ions, 
and infufes gently and inlenfibly 
a Care to oblige, and a Concern 
not to offend us. 

Hence it is that they employ all blvmh r, i 
their Art, Wit, and Invention to fay f*pW i 
and do things, that may appear to ^J ur ^ 
us, furprizing and agreable either for 
their Novelty or Contrivance. The 
very End and Nature of Converfa- 
tion among us retrench aboundance 
of thofe things, which make the 
greateft part of Men's diicourle, 
and they find tliemfelves oblig'd 
to ilrain their Inventions to fetch 
from other Springs, Streams proper 
to entertain us with. This pucs 
'em upon beating and ranging ore 


C »44 J 

the Fields of Fancy to find fome- 
thing new, fomething pretty to of- 
fer to us, and by this means refines 
at the fame time their Wit, and en- 
larges, and extends their Invention $ 
For by forcing 'em out of the com- 
mon Road, they are nccefiitated to 
invent new Arguments, and feek new 
ways to divert and pleafe us, and 
by retraining the large Liberty they 
take one with another, they are 
tompeird to polilh their Wit, and 
File off the Roughnefs of it. To 
this they owe, the Neatnefs of 
Raillery, to which abundance of 
Gentlemen are now arrived ; For 
Contrariety, of Opinions, being 
that which gives Life, and Spirit 
to Converfation, as well Women as 
Men do frequently hold Arguments 
contrary to their real Opinions, on- 
ly to heigthcn the Diversion, and im- 
prove the pleafure of Society. In 
thefe the utmoft Care h taken to 
avoid all things tha: may found harih, 
pffcnfivc, or indecent, their Wk is 
employ 'd only ro raiie mirth, and 
promote gecd Humour, Conditions 
that can't well be obferv'd, v hen 


C 145 ] 

Men contend for Realities, and dis- 
pute for the Reputation of their ^ oIsno fi 
Wit or Judgment, and the truth oif or womtn* 
their Opinions. 3 Tis true tl\efe 
Improvements are to be made only 
by Men, that have by Nature aa 
improvable Stock of Wit and good 
Senfe ; For thofe that have it not, unable to diftinguifh what is 
proper for their Imitation, are apt 
to Ape us in thofe Things which are 
the peculiar Graces and Ornaments 
&f our Sex, and which are the im- 
mediate Objects of Sight, and need 
no further kefie<fxion 3 or thinking. 
This Affectation is notorious in our 
Modern Beaus, who obierving the 
Care taken by fome of our Sex in the 
fetting of their Perfons, without 
penetrating any farther .into the 
Reafons Women have for it, or con- 
sidering, that what became them, 
might be ridiculous in themfelves, 
fall to licking, fprucing, and dreP 
fi-ng their Campaign Faces, and ill 
contriv'd Bodies, that now, like all 
Fooliili Imitatoiirs, they out do the 
Originals, and cut-powder, out- 
t>£tch. and out-paint the Vainefl 
L and 

L 14* ] 

and mod extravagant of our Sex at 
thofe Follies, and are perpetually- 
Cocking, Bruftling, Twiring, and 
making Grimaces, as if they ex- 
pected we fhou'd make Addrefles 
to 'em in a fhort Time. Yet ought 
net this to dii courage any Ingenious 
Perfon, or bring any Scandal upon 
our Converfation, any more than 
Travelling ought to be brought into 
Difrepute, becaufe it is obferv'd, 
that thofe, who go abroad Fools, re* 
turn Fops. It is not in our power to 
alter Nature* but to polifh it, and 
if an Afs has learnt all his Paces, 
'tis as much as the thing is capa- 
ble of, 'twere abfurd to expe£t he 
fhou'd chop Lopkk. This is fo far 
from being an Qbje&ion againft us, 
that it is an Argument, that none 
but Ingenious Men are duely quali- 
fied to converfe with us ; Who by 
our Means have not only been fit- 
ted, and finifliYl for great things, 
but have a&ually afpir'd to 'em. 
For 'tis my Opinion, that we owe 
the Neat, Gentile Raillery in Sir 
George Etkredge, and Sir Charles 
Secl/eys Plays, and the Gallant 


Verfes of Mr. Waller to their Con- 
verting much with Ladies. And I 
remember an Opinion of a very In- 
genious Perfon, who afcnbes the 
Ruine of the Spanijh Grandeur in great 
meafure, to the ridiculing in the 
Perfon of Don Quixot, the Gallantry 
of that Nation toward their Ladles. 
This Opinion however Ingenious 
carries me beyond the Scope and de- 
fign of the prefent Argument, and 
therefore I lhall leave all further 
Confederation of it to thofe that are 
more at leifure, and lefs weary than 
I am at prefent. 

There remain yet fome things to 
be ipoken to, but I mud confefs to 
you, Madam, that I am already very 
much tired, and I have reafon to 
fear that you are more. When you 
enjoyn'd me this Task, I believe, 
you did not expecT:, I am fare, I 
did not intend fo long a Letter , I 
know I have written too much, yet 
I leave you to judge, whether it be 
enough. One Experience I have 
gain'd by this Eflay, that I find,, 
when our Hands are in, 'tis as 
L z hard 

L 148 J 

hard to flop 'em, as our Tongues, 
and as difficult not to write, as not 
to talk too much. I have done 
vvondring at thofe Men, that can 
write huge Volumes upon flender 
Subjects, and fliall hereafter admire 
their Judgment only, who can con- 
fine their Imaginations, and curb 
their wandring Fancies. I pretend 
no Obligation upon our Sex for this 
Attempt in their Defence; becaufe 
ft was undertaken at your Com*- 
rnand,and for your Diverfion only, 
which if I have in any meafure 
fatisfied, I have my Ambition, and 
fliall beg nothing farther, than that 
my ready Obedience may excufe 
the mean Performance of 


Tour real Friend, and 

JMloJl humlk Servant. 




ARgument from Providence, p. 9. 
• from the different Make, 

and Temper of Body in the two 
Sexes, p. 18. 
Amazons, why they lanifht Men, p. 24. 
Advantages of Womens Company jp. 1 3 5^ 


Bodies Organic d alike, p. 12. 

Brutes of loth Sexes of equal fenfe, p. 1 3 

Bully s Char after,, p. 62. 

Beaus Char after, p. 68. 

Boaflers of Intrigues bafe Fellows, p. 1 1 j 


Converfation, its End, p. 7. 

• -its requifite Conditions, p. 9. 

Country Squire's Char after, p. 20. 
Coffee fhoufi Politician sChar after, p. 8 7, 
City Militia, p, 92. 
City Cri tick's Char -after, p. 119. 
Complacence how acqj.ur d, p. 136. 

The Contents. 


Diffidence of them f elves a great difcou- 
raiment to Women , p. 5- j. 

Dijjimulation necejfary, p. no. 

why w.oft us d ly Men, p. in, 

• when Criminal, p. 113. 

How differing from deceit, p. 



Education Mens greatejl advantage, 

p; l 

*-* Of the Female Sex not fo der 

fie ient as commonly jupposd, p. 36. 
Englifo Books very improving, p. 41. 

lift helps to Converfation, p.47. 

Envy mojl injurious to Virtue, p. 116. 


Friendship, its requifite Conditions % 

Failings falfty chargd on Women, p. 60. 
Fools no fit Companions for Women, p. 

, 4! . o 

Gentlemen, left Writers of Morality, 

Humanity, &c. p. 52. 
Gallantry how acquir V, p. 140.. 

The Contents. 

-How diftinguifht from Compla- 

cence, p. 142 


Invention improvable by the Society of 

Women, p. 143. 
Ignorance of Latin no difadvantage^ 

Imitation ridiculous, p. 66. 
Impertinence ', what, p. 84. 

£-j commonly miflaken, p. 85% 

— Epidemical, p. 89. 

Officious, p. 94. 

To be meajufd by its Artifice, 

p. 109. 


learning unjuftly refrain d to Latin 

and Greek onh;, p. 45-. 
Love frequently falfe, p. 115". 
Levity, what, p. 1 24. 
L^/i among Women than Men f 

p. 115-. 
Z.01^, why fofoon cold * p. 128. 


Pedant s Character, p. 2*7. 
Points of deep Learning and Politicks i 
improper for mixt Conversation ^p.40 
Poetajlefs Cha(ailer i p. 7^. 


The Contents; 

The Queflion fated, p. 6. 

Religion, &c. no proper fulj eels for vnixi 
Converfation, p. 38. 


Sexes not diftingaifi? d in Souls, p. i 1; 
Salique Law, its Original, p. 2Z. 
Scourer's Character, p. 64. 

Vulgar of loth Sexes of equal Capaci- 

city, p. 15-. 
Vanity the Vice of Men, p. 60. 

Fools B I effing, p. 76. 

Univerfal, p. 82. 

^Vertucjds Character, p. 96. 

Women, .hred to too much Ignorance of - 
Bufinefs, p. 16. 

Induftrioufly kept in ignorance, ' 

p. 20. 

-FFZ7 conflanier Lovers than 

Men, p. 1 29 

-Truer Friends than Men, and 

why, p. 1 3 2. 

•Ni?/ Generally Jo 'Vicious a: 

Men, p. ?j^ 

F I N I S: 


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