1956
MS4F
A.
Ai
01
Beauraarchais
Follies of a Day
THE LIBRARY
OF
THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA
LOS ANGELES
FREDERIC THOMAS BLANCHARD
ENDOWMENT FUND
THE
^ FOLLIES OF A DAY;
A COMEDY,
3[n Cbtee act0.
BY
THOMAS HOLCROFT.
f -:â– , NbW FIRST, PVBLIMBED, AS IT IS ACTED AT
THE THEATRE. ROYAL
IX
COVEN T« GARDEN.
LONDON;
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©in Pla^S Bought^ or taken ifi Exchange^
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
Count Almaviva ,, Mr. Jones,
Basil Mr. Atkins,
Pedro Mr. Tuuemiv,
Page Miss S. Booth,
Figaro , Mr. Farley,
Antonio A . , , Mr. Emeryv
Countess Almaviva Mrs. Egerton,
Susan Mrs. Gibbs,
Agnes INIiss E. Bolton,
The -Count's Vassals and Servants,
Scene, the Count's Castle in Andalusitt.
THE
FOLLIES OF A DAY-
ACT I,
SCENE,
A Room in the Gastle.
Figaro and Susan, discovered^ (Susan seated in
an Arm-Chair i and Figaro measuring the Chamber
with a Wand*)
Fig. Eighteen feet by twenty.rix,^good.
Sus, What art thou fo bufy about ?
Fig, Meafuring, to try if the bed our noble ior4
Intends to give us will ftand well here.
Sus, In this chamber ! '
Fig,^ Yes.
1^us. 1 won't lie in this chamber.
Fig. Why fo ?
Sus. I don't like it,
Fig. Your reafon.
Sus. What, if I have no reafon ? — What, if I don*t
chufe to give my reafon? — Thou know'ft how our
generous Count, when he by thy help obtain'd Ro-
(ipa's hand, ^nd made her Cguntefs of Almaviva
6 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
during the firft tranfports of love abolifliM a certain
gothick right
Fig, Of fleeping the firft night with every bride.
Sus, Which, as Lord of the Manor, he could
claim.
Fig. Know it? — To be fure, I do; or I would
not have married even my charming Sufan in his
domain.
Sus. Tir'd of prowling among the ruftick beau-
ties of the neighbourhood, he return'd to the
Caftle,—
Fig: And his wife.
Sus. And/^y wife. — [Figaro itares.) — Doft thou
underftand me ?
Fig. Perfeaiy!
Sus. And endeavours, fecretly, to re-purchafe from
her a right, which he now moft fincerely repents he
ever parted with.
Fig. Moft gracious penitent !
Sus. This is what he hints to me every inftant ;
and this the faithful Bafil, the honeft agent of his
pleafures, and our moft noble mufic mafter, every
day repeats with my leflbn.
Fig. Bafil!
Sus. Bafil.
Fig. Indeed ? — Well, if tough afhen plant, or
fupple-jack, twine not round thy lazy fides, rafcal, —
Sus. Ha, ha, ha ! Why, wert thou ever wife
enough to imagine that the portion the Count in-
tends to give us, was meant as a reward for thy ler-
vices ?
Fig. I think, 1 had fome reafon to hope as much.
Sits. Lord, lord ! What great fools are you men
of wit !
Fig. I believe fo.
Sus. Ym fure fo.
Fig* Ob, that it were pofiible to deceive this arch
A COMEDY, 7
deceiver, this lord of mine! A thoufand blundering
boobies have had art enough to filch a wife from
the fide of her fleeping, fimple, unfufpefting fpoufe;
and, if he complain'd, to redrefs his injuries with a
cudgel: — But, to turn the tables on this poacher,
make him pay for a delicious morfel he (hall never
tafte, infeft him with fears for his own honor, and —
Sus. (A bell rings,) Hark ! My lady rings: — I muft
run ; for fhe has feveral times ftridl y charg'd me to be
the firft perfon at her breakfaft the morning of my
marriage.
J/V. Why the firft?
Sus. The old faying tells us, that it's lucky to a
negledled wife, to meet a young bride on the morn-
ing of her wedding-day. [^Exit Susan.
Fig. Ah, my fweet girl ! — She*s an angel ! Such
wit! Such grace! and fo much prudence and mo-
deftytoo!- — I'm a happy fellow !— So Mr. Bafil!
fs it me, rafcal, you mean to praflife the tricks of
your trade upon ? — I'll teach you to put your fpoon
in my milk. â €” But hold 1 A moment's reflection,
friend Figaro, on the events of the day : — Firft,
thou muil promote the fports and feaftings already
projeded, that appearances may not cool, but that
thy marriage may proceed v/ith greater certainty j
next, thou muft Ha ! here again ?
Enter Susan.
[With a Gown, Cap and Ribband, of the Countess* s in
her hand.)
Sus. It wasn't my lady's bell: (he has left her
room.— Methinks, Figaro, you feem very in-
different about our wedding. Why aren't you
gone, to fummon the bride-men and maids? — And
8 THE FOLLIES OF A DA.Y.
what's become of your fine plot to be reveng'd on
my lord?
Fig. I'll away this moment, and prepare every
thing, 'Pr'ythee, my Sufan, give me one kifs, be-
fore I go J 'twill quicken my wits, and lend imagi-
nation a new impulfe.
Sus. O, to be sure ! — But, if I kifs my lover to-
day, what will my hufband fay to me to-morrow ?
{Seems to refuse, as Figaro kisses her.) Pfhaw, Fi-
garo 1 — when wilt thou ceafe to trifle thus from
morning till night ?
Fig, When I may trifle from night' till morning,
fwect Sufan. [Exit Figaro .
Sus. Ah, Figaro, Figaro ! if thou provefl but as.
loving a hufband as thou art a fond lover, thou'lt
never need fear the proudeft lord cf them all. — I
declare, I forget what I came for.
{Susan puis the Gown on the Arm-chair ; but keeps the
Cap and Ribbund in her hand.)
{The Page zvithout.)
Page. Thank you, thank 'you, Figaro: — I (hall
find her.
Enter Pace, running. *
Sus. So, matter Hannibal ! — What do you want
here ?
Page. O, my dear, dear, pretty, Sufan ! — I have
been looking for you thefe two hours.
Sus. Well, what have you to fay to me, now you
have found me ?
Page. (Childishly amorous.) How does your beau-
teous Jady do, Sufan ?
Sus. Very well.
Page. ( Poutingly.) Do you know, Sufan, my
A COMEDY. 9
lord is going to fend me back to my pappa and
mamma ?
Sus. Poor child !
Pafe. Child indeed! Umph ! And, if ray
charming p;od- mother, your dear lady, cannot ob-
tain my pardon, I fliall Coon be depriv'd of the plea-
fure of your company, Sufan.
Sus. Upon my word! — You are toying all day
long with Agnes, and fancy yourfelf, moreover, in
Jove with my lady, and then come to tell me, you
fliall be depriv'd of my company — Ha, ha, ha !
Page. Agnes is good natur'd enough to liften to
me ; and that is more than you are, Sufan ; for all I
love you fo.
Sus. Love me ! — Why, you amorous little villain,
you are in love with every woman you meet.
Page. So I am, Sufan, and I can't help it. — If
no-body is by, 1 fwear it to the trees, the waters,
and the winds; nay, to myfelf. O, how fweet are
the words woman, maiden, and love in my ears!
Sus. Ha, ha, ha! — He's bevvitch'd And what
is the Count going to fend you from the Caftle for ?
Page. Laft night, you muil know, he caught me
with Agnes, in iierroom : -Begone, faid he, thou
little
Sus. Little what ?
Page. Lord ! — he called me fuch a name, 1 can't
for fhame repeat it betore a woman. — I dare never
meet his face again.
Sus, And, p^ay, what were you doing in Agnes's
room ?
Page. Teaching her her part.
Sus, Her part ?
Page. Yes ; the love fcene, you know, fhe is to
a(5l in the comtdy this evenuig,
B
10 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Sus. (Aside.) Which my lord would choofe to
teach her himfelf.
Page. Agnes is very kind, Sufan.
Sus. Well, well, I'll tell the Countefs what you
fay: — But you area little more circumfpeft in her
prefence.
Page. Ah, Sufan, flie is a divinity ! How noble is
her manner! Her very fniilcs arc awful !
Sus. That is to fay, you can take what liberties
you pleafe with fuch people as me.
Page. O, how do I envy thy happinefs, Sufan \
Always near her ! Drelling her every morning ! Un-
dreffing her every evening! Putting her to bed!
Touching her! Looking at her ! Speaking to
What is it thou haft got there, Sufan ?
Sus. {Counterfeiting the extravagant tene of the Page.)
It is the fortunate ribband of the happy cap» which
at night enfolds the auburn ringlets of the beauteous
Countefs.
Page. Give it me: — nay, give it me: — I will
have it.
Sus. But, I fay, you (han't. — [The Page [natches it,
and runs round the Arm-chair^ dodging Susan,) O,
my ribband !
Page. Be as angry as thou wilt, but thou fhalt
never have it again ; thou fhouldft have one of my
eyes rather.
Sus. I can venture to predict, young gentle-
man, that three or four years hence, thou wilt be one
of the mod deceitful verieft knaves
Page. If thou doft not hold thy tongue, Sufan,
I'll kifs thee into the bargain.
Sus. Kifs mc ! — Don't come near me, it thou
lov'ft thy ears. — I fay, beg my lord to Ibrgive you,
indeed ! No, 1 allure you.
A COMEDY. 11
(The Count without.)
Aim. Jaquez,
Page. Ah! I'm undone ! — 'Tis the Count him-
felf, and there's no way out of this room. Lord,
lord ! what will become of me ? (The Page crouches
dotoUy and hides himself behind Susan and the Arm'
chair,)
Enter Count Almaviva.
(Page remains behind the Arm-chair,)
Aim. So, my charming Sufan, have I found thee
at laft? But, thou feem'ft frighten'd, my little
beauty.
Sus. Confider, my lord, if any body fliould come
and find you here, —
A/m. That would be rather mal-a propose but
.there's no great danger.
(The Count offers to kiss Susan.)
Sus. Fie, my lord !
(The Count seats himself in the Arm-chair, and endea-
vours to pull Susan on his knee.)
Aim. Thou know'ft, my charming Sufan, the
king has done me the honour to appoint me em-
baffador to the court of Paris. 1 {l:iall take Figaro
with me, and give him a very- — excellent poft; and, as
it is the duty of a wife to follow her hufband, I
may then be as happy as I could wifh.
Sus. I really don't underftand you, my lord. I
thought your affection for my lady, whom you took
fo much pains to Ileal from her old guardian, and
for love of whom you generoufiy abolifh'd a certain
vile privilege,
Aim, For which all the young girls are very
forry,-r— are they not ?
12 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Sus. No, indeed, my lord: — I thought, my lord,
I fay,
y^/m. 'Pr'ythee, fay no more, my fweet Sufan; but
promife thou wilt ii.eet me to-night in the gar-
den J and be certain, if thou wilt but grant me this
fmall favour, nothing thou canft alk fliail ever--- —
(Basil without.)
Bas. He is not in his own apartment.
^Im. Heavens ! Here's foraebody coming, and
this infernal room has but one door. Where can I
hide ? Is there no place here ?
f The Count runs behind the Arrri'- chair : Susan keeps
between him and the Page, who steals away as the
Count advances, leaps into the Arm- chair, and is
covered over with the Countesses gown by Susan.)
Enter Basil.
Bas. Ah, Sufan, good -morrow !- — Is my lord the
Count here ?
- Sus Here ? what fliould he be here for ?
Bas, Nay, there would be no miracle in it, if he
vcre ;-^r-WouJd there? Hey, gentle Sufan?
(Smiles and leers at her.)
Sus. It would be a greater miracle, to fee you
honeft.
Bas. Figaro is in fearch of him.
Sus. Then, he is in fearch of the man who wiflies
moft to injure him, — yourfelf excepted.
Bas. It is ftrange, that a man fhould injure the
huiband by obliging the wife.
{The Count peeps Jrom behind the Arm-chair.)
Jim. I fliall hear now how well he pleads my
caufe.
Bas. For my part, marriage being, of all ferious
things, the greatefl farce, I imagined
A COMEDY. 13
Sus. All manner of wickednefs.
Bas. That, though you are oblig*d to faft to-day,
you might be glad to feed to-morrow, grace being
firft duly faid.
Sus. Be gonCj and don't fliock my cars with your
vile principles.
Bas. Yes, my pretty Sufan ; but you muft not
luppofe, T am the dupe oi thele fine appearances : I
know, it isn't Figaro who is the great obftacle to my
lord's happinefs ; but a certain beardleis Page, whorri
I furpris'd here yeilerday looking for you, as 1 en-
ter'd.
Sus. I wifli you'd be gone, you wicked— devil.
Bas Wicked devil ! Ah, one is a wicked devil for
not (butting one's eyes.
- Sus. I wi(h you'd be gone, I tell you.
Bas. Wasn't it for you that he wrote the fong,
which he goes chaunting up and down the houfe at
every inftant ?
Sus, O, yes, for me, — to be fure !
Bas. I'm fure, it was either for you, or your lady,
Sus, What next ?
Bas. Why, really, when he fits at table, he does
caft certain very fignificant glances tow'ids a beau-
teous Countefs.who (hall be namelefs: — But let him
beware ! If my lord catches him at his tricks, he'li
make him dance without mufick.
Sus Nobody, but fuch a wicked creature as
you, could ever invent fuch fcandalous tales to the
ruin of a poor youth, who has unhappily fallen into
his lord's difpleafure.
Bas. 1 invent ? Why, it's in every body's mouth.
(The Count discovers hiinselfy and comes jorzt^d,)
J/m, How? in every body's mouth !
Bas. Zounds !
-<4/w. Run, Bafil ; — let hiTi) have fifty piftoles and
14 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
a horfe given him, and be Tent back to his friends in-
ftantly.
Bas. I'm very forry, my Jord, that I happen'd to
fpeak of
Sus. O, O, — Vm quite fuffocated.
{Susan seems ready to faint y the Count runs and sup-
ports her.)
Aim. Let us feat Iier in this great chair, Bafil :â– --
quick, quick,
Sus. ( Is frightened, and exclaims,) No, no ! — I won't
fit down ;-^I always faint belt (landing. [After a
pause.) — This wicked fellow lias ruin'd the poor
boy.
Bas. I aflure you, my lord, what 1 faid, was only
meant to found Sufan.
Aim. No matter; he fhall depart : A little, wan-
ton, impudent rafcal, that I meet at every turning!
No longer ago than yefterday, I furpris'd him with
the gardener's daughter,
Bas. Agnes ?
Aim. In her very bed-chamber.
Sus^ Where my lord happen'd to have bufmefs
himfelf.
Aim. Hem ! — I was going there to feek her fa-
ther Antonio, my drunken gardener: I knock'd at
the door, and waited fomc time ; at laft Agnes
came, with confufion in her countenance : — I enr
t^r'd, caft a look round j and, perceiving a kind of
long cloak, or curtain, or fome fuch thing, ap-
proach'd; and, without feeming to take the leaft no-
tice, drew it gently afidc, thus — Hey !
Bas, Zounds, Sufan !
[The Qiunt, during his speech^ approaches the Arm-chair^
ana-t acting his description^ draws aside the gown
that hides the Page. They all stand motionless with
fiirprisey for fome ttme.)
Aim. Why, this a beticr trick than t'other !
A COMEDY. U
Bas, Worth ten of it— -No ! — -I won't fit down :
I faint bed (landing. Ha, ha, ha !
Aim. And fo, it was to receive this pretty youth,
that yoa were fo defirous of being alone. — And you,
you little villain, — What, you don't intend to mend
your manners then ? But, forgetting all refpeft for
your friend Figaro, and for the Countefs your god-
mother likewife, you are endeavouring here to fe-
duce her favourite woman ! I, however, [Turning tO'
wards Basil.) (hall not fuffer Figaro, a man — whom
— I esteem — sincerely — to fall the viftim of fuch de-
ceit. Did this imp enter with you, Bafil ?
Bas, No, my lord.
Sus. There's neither vidim nor deceit in the
cafe, my lord : — He was here, when you enter'd.
Aim. I hope, that's falfe : his greateft enemy
couldn't wifh him io much mifchief.
Sus, Knowing that you were angry with him, the
poor boy came running to me, begging me to fo-
licit my lady in his favour, in hopes (he might en*
gage you to forgive him; but, was fo terrified,
when he heard you coming, that he hid himfelf in
the great chair.
Aim. A likely flory ! — I fat down in it, as foon as
I came in.
Page. Yes, my lord ; but 1 was then trembling
behind it.
Aim. That's falfe, again ; for 1 hid myfelf behind
it, when Bafil enter'd.
Page. {Timidly,) Pardon me, my lord ; but, — at
you approach'd, — I retir'd, and crouch'd down, as
you now fee me.
Aim. [Angrily.) It's a little ferpent that glides
into every cranny. — And he has been liftenin^ too
to our difcourfel
Page, Indeed, my lord, I did all I could, — not to
hear a wdrd.
10 THE P^OLLIES OF A DAY.
/4lm. {To Susan.) There is no Figaro, no hufband
for you, however.
Baa, ( To Ptf^*;.) Somebody's coming: — Get down.
Enter the Countess, Figaro, Agnes, Pedro, and
Servants, male and fern jiU, Figaro carrying the
Nuptial Cap^-— The Count runs and plucks the Page
from the Arm- chair, as they enter.
Aim. What, would you continue crouching there
before the whole world ? {The Count and Countess
Jaime.)
Fig. We're come, my lord, to beg a favour,
which we hope,/or your lady's fake, you will gram.
— [Aside to Susan.) Be fure to fecond what 1 fay.
Sus. [Aside to Fig.) It will end in nothing.
Ftg. [AsidetoSus.) No matter; lei's try, at Icafl.
Countejs. You fee, my lord, Tarn fuppos'd to have
a much greater degree of influence with you ti^an I
really poflefs.
Aim, O no, madam; not an atom, I afTurc you.
Fig. [Presenting the Cap to the Count.) Our peti-
tion is, that the bride may have the hcnor of re-
ceiving from cur worthy lord's hand this nuptial
cap, ornamented with half-blown rofes and white
ribbands, fymbols of the purity of his intentions.
Aim. [Aside.) Do they mean to laugh at me ?
Countess. Let me beg, my lord, you will not deny
their requeft j in the name of that love you once
had for me.
AJm. And have ftill, madam.
Fig. Join with me, my fi leads.
Omnes. My lord ! — my lord!
Aim. Well, well, — I confent. — [GiiJes Susan the
Cap.) Remember the garden. [Aside.)
Fig. Look at her, my lord : never could a more
A COMEDY. 17
beauteous bride better prove the greatnefs of the
facrifice you have made.
Sus. O, don't fpeak of my beauty, but his lord-
fhip's virtues.
Aim, (Aside.) My virtues ! — Yes, yes, — I fee, they
underftand each other.
Agn, (Pointing to the Page,) Have you forgiven
what happened yefterday, my lord ?
Aim, (Afraid kit the Countess should hear, and
chucking Agnes under the chin,) Hufh !
Fig. (To the Page,) What's the matter, young
Hannibal the brave ? What makes you fo filcnt ?
Sus, He's forrowful, becaufe my lord is going
to fend him from the caftle.
Omnes. O, my lord ! —
Countess, Let me beg you will forgive him.
Aim, He does not deferve to be forgiven.
' Countess, Confider, he is fo young, —
Aim, (Half aside,) Not fo young, perhaps, as you
fuppofe.
Page. My lord certainly has not ceded away the
right to pardon.
Sus. And, if he had, that would certainly be the
firfl he would secretly endeavour to reclaim. (Look'
ing significantly at the Count and Figaro.)
Aim. (Understanding her.) No doubt: no doubt.
Page. My conduct, my lord, may have been in-
difcreet ; but I can alTure your lordQiip, that the
leaft word fhall never pafs my lips
Aim. (Interrupting him.) Enough, enough: —
Since everybody begs for him, 1 muft grant : — 1
fhall moreover give him a company in my regiment.
Omnes. O, my lord ! —
Aim, But on condition, that he depart to-day,
for Catalonia to join the corps.
Omnes, O, my lord ! —
C
18 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
; Fig. To morrow, my lord-
Alm. To day. — It (hall be fo. (To the Page.)
Take leave of your god mother, and beg her pro-
ted:ion. (^Ihe Page kneels to the Countess with a sor-
rowjul air. y^s he approaches to kneels he goes very
slowly^ and Figaro gently pufhes him/orward.)
Fig. Go, go, child ; go.
Countess. {With great emotion.) Since — it is not
poflible — to obtain leave — for you to remain here to
day, depart, young man, and follow the noble ca-
reer which lies before you. — Go, where fortune and
glory call. — Be obedient, polite, and brave, and be
certain we fhall take part in your profperity, {Raises
him.)
Aim. You feem agitated, madam.
Countess^ How can I help it, recollecling the
perils to which his youth muft be expos'd ? He has
been bred in the fame houfe with me, is of the fame
kindred, and is likewife my god-fon.
Aim. (Aside.) Bafil, 1 fee, was in the right.
[Turns to the Page.) Go; kifs Sufan for the laft
time. [Figaro intercepts the Pag^.)
Fig. No, there's no occafion for kiffing, my
lord; he'll return in the winter; and, in the mean
time, he may kifs me. — The fcene muft now be
chang'd my delicate youth: you muft not run up
fiairs and down into the women's chambers, play at
hunt-the-flipper, (teal cream, fuck oranges, and
live upon tweetmeats. — Inftead of that, Zounds !
you muft look bluff; tan your face ; handle your
raiifket; turn to the right ; wheel to the left ; and
march to glory : — That is, if your'e not ftopt fliort
by a bullet.
Sus, Fie, Figaro.
Countess. [Terrified] What a prophecy !
Fig. Were I a ibldier, I'd make fome of them
A GOMEDY. 19
fcamper. — But come, come, my friends; let us
prepare our feaft againft the evening.
A/m.\WQ\\, much diverfion to you all, niy friends.
Countess. You will not leave us, my lord r
Alm» I am undreft, you fee.
Countess, We (hall fee nobody but our own
people.
^Im. I muft do what you pleafe. — Wait forme in
the ftudy, Bafil. I fhall make out his commiffion
inimediately. — [Exeunt all but Figaro and Page.)
Fig, [Retains the Page.) Come, come; let us
ftudy our parts well for the Play in the evening :
I dare fay, you know no more of your's, than Agnes
does of her's.
Page. You forget, Figaro, that I am going.
Ftg. And you wifh to ftay ? [In the same sorroW'
Jul tone )
Page. (Sighs.) Ah, yes !
Fig. Follow my advice, and fo thou flialt.
Page. How, how ?
Fig. Make no murmuring, but clap on your
boots, and feem to depart ; gallop as far as the farm,
return to the caftle on foot 3 enter by the back way;
and hide yourfelf, till 1 can come to you, in the
lodge at the bottom of the garden : you will find
pretty Agnes thereabouts.
Page. Ay, and then 1 may teach her her part,
you know.
Pig. Yes, you have no objection to that, I fup-
pofe.
Exeunt, jesting with each other.
END OF ACT I,
so THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
ACT II.
SCENE,
The CovnTtss*s Bed-Chamber,
[^The Bed in the hack ground : — Chairs and Table: —
A door of entrance into the Chamber ; another into
Susan's Room; and a third into the Countess' s Dres-
sing room : — A Window that looks into the Garden.~\
7 he Countess seated, and Susan waitings discovered.
Countess. SHUT the door. — And fo, the Page
was hid behind the great chair ?
Sus. Yes, madam.
Countess, But how did he happen to be in your
room, Sufan ?
Sus, The poor boy came, to beg I would prevail
on you to obtain his pardon of my lord the Count.
Countesi. But why did not he come to me himfelf ?
I (hould not have refus'd him a favor ot that kind.
Sus. Fafhfulnefs, madam. — y^h Susan ! faid he,
she is a divinity ! How noble is her manner J Her
very smiles are awe/uL
Countess, f Smiling.) Is that true, Sufan ?
Sus, Can you doubt it, madam ?
Countess. 1 have always afforded him my prctedion.
Sus. Had you, madam, but feen him fnatch the
ribband from me !
Countess. (Rising.) Pfhaw ! Enough of this non-
fenfe —And fo, my lord the Count endeavours to
feduce you, buian ?
Sus. Oh, no indeed, madam, he docs not give
hiinielf the trouble to feduce; he endeavours to pur-
chaie me : and, becaufe I reiufe him, will certainly
prevent my marriage with Figaro.
A COMEDY. 21
Countess, Fear nothing. — We (hall have need,
however, of a little artifice perhaps; in the execu-
tion of which, Figaro's affiftance may not be arriifs.
Sus, He'll be here, madam, as foon as my lord is
gone a courfing.
Countess. Your lord is an ungrateful man, Sufan :
— an ungrateful man : — (The Countess walks up and
down the >ocm with some emotion. ) Open the window;
I am ftified for wanf of air. — \^Susan opens the win-
d()w.~\ — Vows, proteltations and tendernefi> are all
forgotten : — My love offendsj my cafeffes diiguft: —
He thiijks his own infideiities iDutt all be gverlook'd ;
yet my condud mutt be irreproachable.
Sus. {Looking out of the umdow ) Yonder goes my
lord with all his gro ms anci greyhounds.
Countess. To divert himfeli with hunting a poor,
timid, harmlefs hare to death. — This, however, will
give us time to — \^A knocking at the Chamber-^oor,'\
Somebody is at the door, Sulan, [^Susan ^oes singing
and opens the door,~\
Enter Figaro a^ the Chamber-door,
{He kisses Susan's hand; she makes signs to him to i^e
more prudent^ and points to the Countess,
Countess. Well, Figaro, you've heard of my lord
the Counts defigns on your fair bride.
Fig. U, yes, my lady. — Theie was nothing very
furpriiing in the news : My lord fees a fweet, young,
lovely angel, — (Susan curtiies.] — and wilhes to have
her for limfelf. Can any thing be more natural?
I v.'ifli the very fame.
Countess. 1 don't find it fo very pleafant, Figaro.
Fig, Ho. endeavours to overturn the fchernes of
thofe who oppoie his withes ; and in this he only
follows the example of the rett of the world : — I will
endeavour to do the very fame by him : — And firft,
my ftheme requires that you drefs up the Page in
M THE FOLLIES OF A DAt,
your cloaths, my dear Sufan ; — He is to be your
reprefentative in the defign I have plotted*
Countess. The Page !
Su5, He is gone.
Fig. Is he ? — Perhaps fo : — But a whiftle from
me will biing him back. (Ihc Countess seems pleased.)
Sus. So, — now Figaro's happy ; — Plots and con-
trivances —
Fig. Two, three, four at a time ! Embarrafs'd,
involv'd, perplex'd ! — Leave me to unravel 'em.
I was born to thrive in courts.
Sus. I've heard, the trade of a courtier is not fo
difficult as fome pretend.
Fig» Aflc for every thing tliat falls, feize every
thing in your power, and accept every thing that's
offer'd J — There's the whole art and myflery, in
three words.
Countess. But, (hculd my lord difcover the dif-
guis'd Page, —
Sus. He'll only give him a fmart le6lure ; and
that will do his boyifh vanity no harm.
Countess. And, in truth, it deferves a little mor-
tification. — Well, next for the Count, Figaro,
Fig, Permit me, madam, to manage him. — And
firft, the better to fecure my property, I (hall begin,
by making him dread the lofs of his own. — To which
end, an anonymous letter muft be fent, informing
him, that a gallant, meaning to profit by his neglecft
and abfence, is at prelent with his beauteous
Countess : — And, to confefs the truth, the thing is
already done, madam.
Countess. How? — Have you dar'd to trifle thus
with a woman of honor ?
Fig. O, madam, it is only with a woman of ho-
nor I (hculd prefume to take a liberty like this j
left my joke fhould happen to prove a reality.
Countess, [Smiles.) You don't want an agreeable
A COMEDY. 23
cxcufe for your plot, Figaro. — (To herself.) —
Though I hardly know how to give into it.
Fig, If you pleafe, madam, I'll go and fend the
Page hither to be drefs'd. — We muft not lofe a mo-
ment. \^Exit Figaro al the Chamber-door,
Countess, [Examining her head dress in the Looking*
glass.) What a hideous cap this is, Sufan 1 it's quite
awry ! — This youth who is'Coming —
Sus. Ah, madam, your beauty needs not the ad-
dition of art in bis eyes.
Countess. I aflure you, Sufan, I (hall be very fe-
vere with him. — I fhall tell him of all the complaints
I hear againft him.
S«s. Oh yes, madam ; I can fee, you will fcold
him heartily.
Countess. (Seriously.) What do you fay, Sufan ?
Sus. {Goes to the Chamber door.) Come, come in,
Mifler foldier.
Enter Page at the Chamber door.
( Susan pretends to threaten him by signs.)
Page. Um — [Pouts aside.)
Countess. (With a serious air.) Well, young
gentleman, — [Aside to Susan,) How innocent he
looks, Sufan !
Sus. And ho\^ bafhful, madam !
Countess. {Resuming her serious air.) Have you re-
fleded on the duties of your new profeffion ?
( The Page imagines the Countess is angry, nnd
timidly draws back.)
Sus. (Aside to the Page.) Ay, ay, young rake. Til
tell all I know. — [Returns to the Countess.) Obferve
his downcaft eyes, madam, and long eye-la(hes. —
(Aside to the Page.) Yes, hypocrite, I'll tell.
Countess, [Seeing the Page more and more fearful.)
Nay, Hannibal J — don't — be terrified; — I— Come
nearer.
« THE FOLLIES Ob' A DAY,
Stis, {PuPiing him towards the Counters.) Advance,
modefty.
Countefs. Poor youth, he*s quite affefted. — Fni
not angry with you; I was only going to fpeak to
you on the duties of a foldier. — Why do you fcem
lo forrovvfu] ?
Page Alas, madam, I may well be forrowful,
being, as I am, oblig'd to leave a lady, lo gentle,
and fo kind,
Sus, And fo beautiful, (/n the same toryCf and half
aside,)
Page, Ah, yes ! [Sigh,)
Sus. ( Mimicking.) Ah, yes! — Come, come, let
me try on one of my gowns upon you : — Come here ;
let's meafure : — I declare, the little villain is not fo
tall as I am.
Page. Um — (Pouts.)
Sus, Turn about; — let me untie your cloak.
{Sufan takes off the Pagers cloak,
Countefs. But, fuppofe, any body (hould come ?
Sus, Dear my lady, we're not doing any harm : —
1*11 lock the door, however, for fear, — [The Page ccifts
a glance or two at the Count efi: Sufan returns^) Well!
Have 3'ou nothing to fay to my beauteous lady, and
your charming god-mother ?
Page. {Sighs.) O, yes; that I am fure I (liall love
her as long as I live,
Couviess. Efleem, you mean, Hannibal.
Page. Ye — ye — yes: — ef- teem, I (hould have
faid.
Suf [laughs.) Yes, yes, — efteem ! — The poor youth
overflows with ef--teem and aff •e(5t;ion, — and —
Page. Um ! [A fide to Sufan.)
Sus^ Now, let us try whether one of my caps —
Countess. There's a clofe cap of mine lies on my
drefling-table. — \£xit Susan into the Drejfing loom of
the Count ess, )'^U your commiflion made out ?
A COMEDY. 2«
Page, O, yes, madam, and given me : — Here it is.
[Presents hi$ Commission to the Countess^)
Countess. Already ? — They have made hafte I fee :
They are not willing to lofe a moment : — -Their hurry
has made-ihem even forget to affix the feai to it.
Re-enter Susan, with a Cap in her hand.
Sus, The feal? — to what, madam ?
Countess. His commission.
Sus. So foon !
Countess. I was obferving, there has been no time
loft. (Returns the Page his Commiision, he puts it in
his girdle.)
Sus. Come : — (Makes the Page kneel down, and puts
the Cap on him.) What a pretty little villain it is ! I
declare, I am jealous. See, if he is not handfomer
than I am ! Turn about, — There : — What's here ?
The ribband ? — So, fo, fo ! Now all's out. I'm
glad of it. — I told my young gentleman, I would
let you know his thievifli tricks, madam.
Countess. Fetch me fome black patches, Sufan.
Sus. There are none in vour room, madam: I'll
fetch fome out of mine. [Exit Susan into her own
Room.)
f1 he Countefs and the Page remain mute for a conjtderable time,
dw ing which the Page looks at the Countefs with bajhful
glances : — The Countefs pretends not to ooferve him, and
yet makes fever al efforts tofupprefs her felings of compajjion
for hisjituation.j
Countess. And — and — fo — you — you aie forry—
to leave us ?
Page, Ye — yes, — ^madam.
Countess. [Observing the Page's heart so fidU that he
is ready to hurst into teaj's.) *Tis that good i or- no-
thing Figaro, who has frighten'd the child with his
prognofticks.
D
26 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Page. (Unable to contain himself any longer.) N-o-
o o indee-ee-eed, madam ; I-I-am o-on-only-griev-
ed to part from fo dear a-la-a-ady.
CounteiS. Nay, but don't weep, don't weep : —
Come, come, be comforted. — ( ^knocking attheChani'
her door.) Who's there ?
(Ihe Count without.)
Aim. Open the door, mv lady.
Countess. Heavens ! it is the Count ! — I am
ruin'd ; if he finds the Page here, after receiving
Figaro*s anonymous letter, I fhall be for ever loft!*—
What imprudence!
Aim. Why don't you open the door ?
Page. O, ma'am ! —
Countess. Becaufe Tm alone.
Jim. Alone ! — Whom are you talking to then ?
Countess. To you, to be fare ? — How could I be
fo thoughtlefs ? — This villainous Figaro! —
Page. After the fcene of the great chair this
moTning, he wiU certainly murder me, if he finds
me here.
Countes. Run into my drefiing-room : — and, Han-
nibal, — lock the door on the infide \_Exit Page into
the Dreffing-room.
y-^*? Countess opens the Chamber door.
Enter the Count.
Ahn You did not ufe to lock yourfelf in, when
you v.ere alone, madam. — Whom were you fpeak-
JjiiJ to ?
Couvtess. [F.ndcai- During to crncealhrr agitation ) To
— to Sufan, wiio is rumaging in her own room.
' .ilm. Yon sei^m agitated, ni^da n.
Co:i..tir,s. Ihat is not impc (Ti ^le ; — ' .^ffcBing to
f^^^ ' )— wsv.'vre f^)eaking oi you.
>n ■» t v\.i. ?
A COMEDY 27
Countess. Your jealoufy, your indifference, my
^ord. {Noi'eof a Table overturned by the Page in the
DreJfmg'Tootn.)
Countess. {Aiide.) What will become of me ?
Aim. What noife is that ?
Countess, I heard no noife.
Aim. No? You muft be moft confoundedly ab-
fent, then.
Countess, [Affeding to return his irony.) O, to be
fure.
Aim. There's fomebody in your drefiing room,
madam.
Countess. Who fhould be there?
Aim. That's what I want to know.
Countesi. It's Sufan, I fuppofe, putting the chairs
and tables in their places.
Aim, What ? Your favourite woman turn'd houfe
maid1 You told me juft now, (he was in her twn
room.
Countess. In her room, or my room, — it's the fame
thing.
Aim. Really, my lady, this Sufan of yours is a
very nimble, convenient, kind of perfon.
Countess. Really, my lord, this Sufan of mine
difturbs your quiet very much.
Aim. Very true, madam ; fo much, that I'm de-
termin'd to fee her. [He goes to the Drejfing-room door^
and calls ^ Sufan, Sufan ! — If Sufan you are, come
forth!
Countess Very well, my lord, very well ! — Would
you harve the girl come out half undrefs'd ? She's
trying on one of my left off dreffes. — To difturb
female privacy in this manner, my lord, is not to be
endur'd.
During this aJtercatioriy Sufan comes out of her civn Room, per-
ceives what is pfijfing, and, after lijiening long enough to
know how to a£f, fiph unfeen by bothy behind the curtains
tf the Bed.
28 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Mm. Well, — if Ihe can't come out, — (lie can an-
Iwer, at lead. — [Calls.) Sufan ! — Anfwer me, Sufan.
Countefs, I fay, do not anfwer, Sufan : I forbid
you to fpeak a word. — We fhall lee, whom fhe'U
obey.
Aim. But, if it is nobody, but Sufan, what is
the reafon, madam, of that emotion and perplexity
fo very evident in your countenance ?
Countefs. [/iffe5iing to laugh.) Emotion and per-
plexity ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! — Ridiculous !
Aim. Be it as ridicLilous ai it may, I am deter-
mined to be fatisficd j and, I think, prefent appear-
ances give me a fufficient plea. — {Goes to tht Chamber
door, and calls.) Hollo! Who waits there ?
Countefs. Do, do, my lord ; — expufe your jealoufy
to your very fervants ! Make yourfelf and me the
jeft of the whole world !
Aim. Why do you oblige me to it ? — However,
fince you will not fuffer that door to be quietly
open'd, will you be pleas'd to accompany me while
I procure an inftrument to force it.
Countess, To be lure, my lord, to be fure ; if
you pleafe.
Aim, I fhail lock the Chamber-door after me;
and, that you may be fully juftified, I'll make this
other door faft. {Goes to Sufan' i Room doer ; locks zV,
and takes ike key.) Now, [Showing the key to the Count'
efs.) I am fure, nobody can get in or out of this
room : — and the Sufan of the dreffir.g-room muft
fubmit to be confin'd here till my return.
Countefs. This behaviour is greatly to your ho-
nor my lord ! [Exeunt- difputing^ ut tbeCbamher-doori
which the Count is heard to lock.)
A COMEDY. 9?
Enter Susan from behind the bed, ns they go off;
Jhe runs to the Drejing-room door and calls,
Suf, Hannibal '.—Hannibal !— Open the door:
quick, quick, — It's I, Suiaa.
Ent£r Page, frightened.
Page. O,' Sufan !
$u/. O, my poor miftrefs !
Page. What will becoms of her ?
Su/ What will become cf my marriage?
Page. What will become of me ?
SuJ. Don't {land babbling here; but fly.
Page. The doors are ail faft, how can 1 fly?
Suf. Don't afk me.— Fly !
Page. Here's a window open: (Runs to the win-
dow.) Below is a bed of flowers: I'll leap out.
Suf. [Screams.) \ou'li break your neck.
Page, Better that, than ruin my dear lady. —
{Gets upon a Table at the Window.) Give me one kifs,
before 1 go, Sufan.
Suf. Was there ever fuch a young — {Page kijfes
her, and leaps out of the uindstv : Snfan fitrieks at feeing him
jump down J Ah ! — (Sufan fmks into a chatr^ overcome with
fear: — at iaji^ Jhe takes courage ^ rijes, goes with dread to^
wards the windcwt andy after looking out, turns round with
her hand ufen her heart, ajigh of relief , and a fmile expref-
five of fudden ea,e and ple'Jurf.) He is lafe ; — yonder
he runs, — as light and as Iwitt as the winds. — If
that boy does not make iome woman's heait ake,
one of thefe days, I'm mill: ken. [Hufangoes in at the
Dressing'0fni doot'j bvt peeps barky as Jhe is going to
Jhul it.) mid now, my good jealous Count, perhaps,
1 may teach you to break open doors another time.
(Locks herf elf in.)
so THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Enter the Count, at the Chamber door^ with a wrench-
ing iron in oni hand t and, leading in the Countess
with the other. Goes and examines Sufan's Room
door.
Aim, Yes, every thing is as I left it. We now
fhaJl come at the truth. — Do you ftill perfift in
forcing me to break open this door ? — I am de-
termined to fee who's within.
Countefs. Let me beg, my lord, you'll have a mo-
ment's patience : — hear me only, and you Ihall
fatisfy, your utmoft curiofity. — Let me intreat you
to be afTur'd, that, however appearances may con-
demn me, no injury was intended to your honour.
Mm, I hen there is a man ?
Countefs. No, — it is only — only —
Jllm, Only, — only who ?
Countefs. A child.
Aim. Let's fee this child : — What child >
Countefs. Hannibal,
Aim, The Page ! — [Turns away.) This damnable
Page again ! — The whole's unravell'd I — Come
foith, viper !
Count e/s, {Terrified and trembling.) Do not let the
diforder in which you will fee him
Aim. The diforder ! — The diforder !
Countefs. We were going to drefs him in women's
cloaths for our evening's diverfion j —
Aim, ril rack, him ! — I'll — I'll make him a ter-
rible example of an injur'd hufband's wrath.
Countefs. ( Falling on her knees between the Count and
the door.) Hold, my lord, hold ! — Have pity on his
youth, his infancy,
Aim. What ! Intercede for him to me ? — [Runa
to the T>r effing-room door.) Come forth, I fay, once
more.—ril rack him, I'll flab him, VW—i^Vhile the
A COMEDY. 31
Count is fpeaking^ Sufanutdoch the Dressing-room doot
and holts out upon him.)
Suf, I'll rack him !— I'll flab him! ril — Ha,
ha, ha!
(The Count efs^ hearing Suf an' s voice y recovers fuJJicientJy tn
look roundy — is ajlonijhedy — endeavours to colleSf herfelfy —
and turns back into her ftrmer pofxtion to conceal her fur-
prife.J
Aim. [After 'looking Jirjl at Sufan, and then at the
Countefs.) — And can you ad aftonifhment too, ma-
dam ! (Obferving the Countefs ^ who cannot totally hide
her/urprife.)
Countefs. I ? — My lord, —
Aim. [RtcolleBin^ himfelf.) But, perhaps, (he
wasn't alone. [Enters the Drefjing-room : — the Coun*
tefs is again alarmed: Sufan runs to her.)
Suf, Fear nothing ; — he's not there :— He has
jump'd out of the window,
Countefs. And broke his neck ! (Her terror re-
turns.')
Suf. Hu(h I — [Sufan flands before the Countefs, ia
hide hernew agitation from the Count.) — Hem ! Hem !
Re- enter the Count, greatly agitated.
Aim. No, there's nobody there. — lv*e been con-
foundedly in the wrong — [Approaching the Countefs.)
confufion, madam : — Madam, —
(fVith great fuhmtffton^ as if going to big her pardon ; but
the confufion flill vifible in her countenance, calls up the re-
coUe£iion of all that has jufi pafjedy and he burjis out into an
exclamation,) Upon my foul. Madam, you are
a mofl excellent adrefs !
Suf. And am not I too, my lord ?
Aim. (Kneels to the Counters.) You fee my con-
[KiJJes her hand.) Be generous, —
Suf As you have been.
Aim, Hufh! — [KifJ'ei Sufan s hand.) Remember
H THE FOLLIES OF A DAY
the g-rd^n to-night. — [ttdrns to the Comtefs.) My
dear Rofina, —
Countf/s. No, no, my lord ; I am no longer that
Rofina, whom you formerly lov'd with fuch affec-
tion : 1 am now, nothing but the poor Count-
cfs of Almaviva, — a negled:ed wife, not a belov'd
miftrefs.
Aim, Nay, do not make my humiliation too fe-
vere. — But, wherefore have you been thus myfteri-
ous on this occafion?
Countefs. That I might not betray that headlong
thoughtlefs Figaro.
Aim, What, he wrote the anonymous billet then?
Countefs, But it was done, my lord, before I knew
of it,
(The Countefs Jiands In the middle of the fiage ; the Count a
If t tie in the hack ground^ as if exprefftve of his timidity^
hut his countenance p}ows he is confident of obtainiiJg his par-
don ; — Sufanfiands forwarder than either ^ and her loth are
Jignificantly applicable to the circumjiances of both parties.)
SuJ, To fufpedt a man in my lady's drefling-
room !— *
Aim, And to be thus feverely punifh'd for my
fufpicion ! —
SuJ. Not to believe my lady, when fhe affurd
you, it was her woman ! —
Aim. But what's the reafon, you malicious little
huQey, you did not come out when I call'd ?
Suj, What, undrefs'd, my lord ?
Aim. But, why didn't you anfwer then ?
5«/. My lady forbad me: — [Afide.) and good
reafon (lie had fo to do.
Aim. How could you, Rofina, be fo cruel, as
to —
A COMEDY. 33
%â–
Enter FiisARO, in a hurry, — he flops on feeing the
County who puts on a very fer\ ous air.
Fig, They told me, my lady was indilpofed : I
ran to enquire, and am very happy to find there
was nothiag in it.
Jim. You are very attentive.
Fig. It is my duty to be fo, niy lord, — [Turns to
Sman.) Come, come, my chsrmer : prepare for the
ceremony : Go to your bridemaids.
Aim. But who is to take care of the Countefs in
the mean time ?
Fig. (Surprifcd.) Take care of her, my lord !
My lady leems very well.
Aim. Who is to guard her from the gallant, who
was to profit by my abfence ? (Su/an and the Countefs
make figns to Ftgaro.)
Countess. Nay. nay, Figaro ; the Count knows all.
SuJ, Yes, yes ; we've told my lord every thing.
The jeft is ended, — it's all over.
Pig. The jell is ended ? — And it's all over ?
Alm» Yes, — Ended, ended, ended ! And all
over ! — What have you to lay to thai ?
Fig. Say, my lord ?
(The confujton nf Figaro arifes from not fuppafing It pnfjlble the
Countefs and Sufan jhould have betrayed him ; andy whin he
unde*fiands fome thing by their jigns, from not knowing how
much they have told, J
Aim. Ay, fay.
Fig. I — 1 — I wi(h I could fay as much of my
marriage.
Aim. And who wrote the pretty letter ?
Fig. Not I, my lord.
Aim. If I did not krtow thou Heft, I could read it
in thy face.
Fig. Indeed, my lord ? — Then it's my face that
lies, — ^not I.
E
34 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Countess. P(haw, Figaro ! Why fliould you en-
deavour to conceal any thing, when I tell you, we
have confefs'd all ?
Su/. {Making figns to Figaro.) We've told my
lord of the letter, which made him fufpeft that
Hannibal, the Page, who is far enough off by this,
was hid in my lady's dreffing-room, where I myfelf
was lock'd in.
Fig. Well, well; fince my lord will have it fo,
and my lady will have it fo, and you all will have it
fo, — why then, fo let it be.
Aim. Still at his wiles.
Countess. Why, my lord, would you oblige him
to fpeak truth, fo much againit his inclination ?
{Count and Couniefs walkjamiliarly up the fiage.)
Sus. Haft thou fecn the Page ?
Fig. Yes, yes : you have (hook his young joints
for him among you.
Enter Antonio, the Gardener, half- drunk, with a
broken Jiower-pot under hts arm.
Ant. My lord, — my good lord, — if fo be as your
lon'.fiiip will not have the goodnefs to have thefc
windosvs naii'd up, I fhall never have a nofegay fit
to give to my lady : — They break all my pots, and
fpoil my flowers ; for they not only throw other
rubl'iili out of the windows, as they us'd to do, but
they have juft now tofsM out a man.
Ahn A man ! — {l.ht Count's fufpiciois all revive.)
Ant. In white ftockings, (Counfe/s and Sufan dts-
cover ibcir jears, and make j:gns to Figaro to ajfijl
them, if p'^ffible.)
Aim. {taoetly.) Where is the man ?
Ant. That's what I want to know, my lord : — I
widi I C'.mid find hi:n. — I'm your lordfhip's gar-
dener; and, tho' I fay it, a better gardener is not
A COMEDY, 35
to be found in all Spain ; — But, if chamber-maids
are permitted to tofs men out of the window, to
fave their own reputation, — what is to bccojie
mine ?
Fig, Oh fie! What, fotting fo foon in a morn-
ing !
J^nt. No, — this is only the remains of laft night.
Aim. On with your flory, sir — What of the man?
—What follow'd ?
Ant, I foUow'd him myfelf, my lord, as faft as I
could ; but, fomehow, I unluckily happen'd to
make a falfe ftep, and came with fuch a confounded
whirl againft the garden-gate, — that I — I quite for
—forgot my errand.
Aim, And fhould you know this man again ?
Ant. To be fure, I fliould, my lord ; — if I had
feen his face, that is.
j4lm. Either fpealt more clearly, rafcal, or Til
fend you packing
^nt. Send me packing, my lord ? — O, no : if
5?our lordlhip has not enough — enough [Pointi to his
/orebead.) to know when you have a good gardener;
I warrant, I know when I have a good place.
Fig. There is no occafion, my lord, for all this
myflcry : — It was I who jump'd out of the window
into the garden.
Aim. \ ou ?
Hg. My own felf, my lord.
Aim, Jump out of a one pair of ftairs window, and
run the rifk of breaking your neck ?
Fig. The ground was foft, my lord.
Ant, And his neck is in no danger of being broken
that way.
Fig, To be fure, I hurt my right leg a little in the
fall ; juil here at the ancle : — I feel it ftill.
Aim. But what reafon had you to jump out of the
window ?
36 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Fig. You had received my letter, my lord, — (ince
I muft own it, — and were come, fomewhat fooner
than I expedted, in a dreadful paffion, in fearch of a
man ; —
Ant^ If it was you, you have grown plaguy faft
within this half hour, to my thinking. The man
that I faw, did not feem fotail as yoy, by the head
and fliouldsrs.
Fig. Pfhaw ! Does rvDt one always double one's
felf up when one takes a leap ?
Ant, It feem'd a great deal more like the Page.
j^lm. The Page !
Fig. O yes, to be fure ! the Page has gallop'd
back from Seville, horfe and all, to leap out of the
wmdow !
Atit. No, no, my lord; I faw no fuch thing:-—
I'll take my oath, I faw TiO horfe leap out of the
window.
. Aim. Drunkard! Booby! — {The Count fcizes An-
ionio, and flings him on the Bed : — he rolls over it, and
crawls out, from wndtmeathy in front of it.)
Fig. Come, come, let us go, and prepare for our
fports. [Jhey are all going.']
Ant. Well, fince it was you, as I am an honeft ma,n,
I ought to return you this paper which drop'd out of
your pocket, as you fell.
Aim, {Snatches the paper -. — Ihe Countejs, Figaro^
and Sufan are all furprijed and embarrafjed. Figaro
f hakes him felf f and endeavours to recover hii fortitude.)
Now, if it was you, you doubilefs can tell what
this paper contains, (Keeps the paper behind his hack
as he faces Figaro.) and how it happen'd to <;ome
into your pocket ?
Fig, O, my lord, I've fuch quantities of papers — -
^ (Searches his pockets^ and pulls out a great many.) No,
it is not this ; — Hem ! — This is a double love-letter
{yom Marcelina, in leven pages: — Hera ! — Hem! —
A COMEDY. 37^"
It would do a man*s heart good to read it. — Hem !— -
And this is a petition from the poor poacher in pri-
fon : I never prefented it to your lordfhip, becaufe,
I know, you have affairs much more ferious on your
hands, than the complaints of fuch half-ftafv*d ras-
cals. — -Ah! — Hem! — This — ihis — no, this is an in-
ventory of your lordlliip's fword-knots, ruffs, ruffles,
and rofes: — Muft take care of this — [Endea'-jours to
gain time^ and keeps glancing and hemming to Sufan and-
the Countefs, to look at the paper, and give him a hint,)*
Aim. It is neither this, nor this, nor that, nor
t'other, that you have in your hand, but what I hbJd
here in mine, that I want to know the contents of.
(Holds out the paper in a£iion as he fpeaksi the Countefs j
who /lands next him, catches aftght of it)
Countefs. (Afide to Sufan.) 'Tis the Commiffion,
Sus. {A/ide to Figaro.) The Page's Commiflion,
Aim. Well, sir;— fo you know nothing of the
matter ?
Ant. There,— -my lord fays, you know nothing of
the matter.
Fig. Keep off, and don't come to whisper me. — *
[//(J pujhes Antonio out at the Chamber-door.) O, lord !
lord ! [^Pretending to recoiled himfclj.'] What a ftupid
fool I am ! — I declare, it's the commiffion of that
poor youth, Hannibal, — which I, like ar blockhead,
forgot to return him :■— he'll be quite unhappy about
it, poor boy.
Aim. And how came you by it ?
Fig. By it, my lord ?
Aim. ^Vhy did he give it you ?
Fig. To — to — to
, Aim. To what ?
Fig. To get —
Alv% To get what ? It wants nothing.
Counte/s, ( ^Jide to Sufan.) It wants the feaU
Sus. (Afid0 to. Figaro.) It wants the feal.
38 THE FOLLIES QF A DAY,
Fig, O, my lord, what it wants, to be fure, is a
mere trifle.
Mm, Wh^t trifle?
Ftg, You know, my lord, when you make out a
commiffion, it*s cuftomary to —
Aim, To what ?
Fig, To affix your lordfhip's feal.
Aim, {Looks at the Commi/fion, Jinds the feal is
tuanting, and exclaims with vexation and difappoint-
ment.) The devil and all his imps !
\^Exit Count at the Chamber door.
Fig. Are you going, my lord, without giving
orders for our wedding ?
[Exit Figaro t following the Count,
Sus. What (hall we do now, madam ? Tlie Page
is too much frighten'd, ever to be employ'd in a fe-
cond plot.
Countefs. No more plots of Figaro's inventing!
You fee into what danger I've been brought by his
fine concerted letter.— Still, however, I wiih I could
convift my falfe hufband of his infidelity to his face. —
Ha! a happy thought flrikes me: I'll meet him in
the garden, inf^ead of you ; and then nobody will
be exposM but himfelf. — But you muft not men-
tion one word of this, Sufan, to any body.
Sus. Except Figaro ?
Counie/s, No, not even to Figaro: — he*ll fpoil
my defign by mixing fome plot of his own with it,
Sus, Your projefcl's a charming one, madam ; and
I (hall yet have my Figaro.
[^Exeunt at the Chamber' door.
END OF ACT II.
A COMEDY. S9
ACT III.
SCENE,
The Garden of the Castle,
Two Pavilions, one on each side of the Stage,
Enter Agnes, from the Bottom of the Garden, with a
little Basket of refreshments in her hand,
Agn, NOW for that good-natur'd, merry, little
Hannibal : — ^he hafn't half learnt me my part yet. —
Poor thing, he has had nothing to eat fince he came ;
and the crofs, good-for-nothing, cook would not give
me a morfel for him ; fo I was obliged to afk the
butler for fome cakes and oranges : — It coft me a
good kifs on the cheek ; but I know who'll repay it.
— Hannibal, — Hannibal! — He*s not there fare.— >
O, dear, and here's fomebody coming ! —
\_Exit A^nes into the Pavilion on the left,
Figaro advances, disguised in a Rocquelaure, with
Basil, and Pedro. — Figaro, atjirst, believes Agnes
to be Susan ; and, as it is too dark to see, endeavours
to follozv the sound of her voice, having entered while
she was speaking.
Fig, I was mi (lake n ; *tis Agnes. — What o'clock
is it ?
Fed. Almoft near the moon's rifing.
Bas. What a gloomy night !^-We look like fo
many confpirators.
40 THE FOLLIES 0^ A DAY,
Fig. YoU underftand, gentlemen, why you come
hither : It is, to be witnefles of the conduct of the
virtuous bride I am foon to efpoufe, and of the ho-
nourable lord who has gracioufly beftow'd her on me.
You'll fee, my fufpicions are not without caufe.
Bas. Ay ; and I fliall be up with my lord now,
for not employing me in this affignation, [^Basil and
Pedro retire.^
Fig, No, my very worthy lord and mafter, you
have not got her yet. — What, becaufe you're a great
man, you fancy yourfelf a great genius ! — But, as
little a man as I may, perhaps, be reveng'd on you. —
O, Sufan ! Sufan ! — {Hearing a noise, he wraps him-
self up in his roquelaurct and retires a little.)
Enter so/tly^ from .the Bottom of the Garden^ the
CotTNTEss and Susan, both veiled,
Siis^[^Aside to the Countess.~^ So, {o^ — in fpite of all
our fecrecy, Figaro has fomehow or other difcover'd
our intention, and will be here. But I'll teach him
how tolufpectme, I warrant. — Now, let us begin. —
[Speaks louder.'j If you don't want me, madam, I'll
walk, and enjoy .the frefh air.
Fig. [^Aside.^ O, the cocatrice !
Countess, It may give thee cold.
' Sus. O no, my lady.
Fig. [Aside ] O no ; fhe'll not take cold to-night.
[Susan retires a little towards the Pavilion on the left,']
Enter the Page, from the Bottom of the Garden,
Page. [Seeing the Countess.] Is that Agnes yonder ?
{He approaches her.) No: — Surely, it's Sufan; — it
muft be Sufan. — {Comes up, and takes hold oj the
Countess's hand ) Ah, my dear Sufan !
Countess, Let me go. (In a feigned voice.)
A COMEDY. 41
Tage. Come, Sufan, Sufan, don't be fo coy : — I
know, it ifn't Figaro you're waiting for, it is my lord
the Count. — VVhat ! Did*nt I hear this morning,
when I was behind the great chair ?
Sus, [^Aside,~\ The babbling little villain !
Enter the Count, from the Bottom of the Garden.
Mm. Is not that fomebody with Sufan ? — [Advances
close up to them, and draws back in a fury.) — * Tis that
infernal Page again. i^Susan keeps out of the way,
silently laughing.)
Page. Tis in vain, to fay, no: — Since thou art
going to be the reprefentative of the Countefs, I am
dctermin*d to give thee one kifs for thyielr, and a
hundred for thy beauteous lady.
(The Countess draws ba.k, to avoid being kis'^ed by the
Page; the Count advances info her pla:e ; the Page^
taking the Count's hand perceives he is discovered, and
suddenly retreats, crying iii an under voice. )
Page, O, the Devil! — The Count again!
[Exit Page imo the Pa 'tlion on the left. IVhile this
passe^t P'igaro hjs advanced to drive the Page from
Susan f as he supposes )
Aim ^'Thinking he speaks to the Page f Since you
are fo fond of kiffing, take that. [Gives Figaro a box
on the ear.)
Fig. I've paid for liftening. [Sufan cannot contain
her/efy but burjls cut a/aufiing.J
Aim. (Hears her laugh.) Vhat, do fuch falutations
make the impudent rafcal laugh ?
Fi^. \_Aside.'] 1 1 would be ilrange, if he fhould cry
this time.
[Count and Count efs approach each other.)
Aim. Butj let us n.>t loTe the precious moments,
my charming Sufan ! — Let thefe kifles ipeak my paf-
fion ! y^Ktjses the Comtefs.J
F
42 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
Fig. (Ajidc^ and. beating his forehead,) Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Mm. Why doft thou tremble ?
Countefs. [Continuing her feigned voice.) Becaufc I
am afraid, —
Aim, Thou feem'ft to have a cold. (Takes the
Count ejs's hand, between hii own, and kifses it.) What a
fweet, delicate, angel's hand ! — How fmooth and
foft ! — How long and fmall the fingers ! — What
plcafure in the touch !- — Ah ! How different is this
from the Countefs's hand ! —
Countefs, [Sighing.) And j^et you lov'd her once.
Mm. Yes, — yes, — I did fo : — But three years of
better acquaintance, have made the marriage-ftate fo
refpeftable — Befides, wives think toenfure our fidelity
by being always wives : — whereas, they (hould fome-
tiraes become
Countefs. What?
Aim. Our miftreffes. 1 hope, thou'lt not for-
get this leffon.
Countefs. O, no, indeed; not I.
Sus . (Aloud.) N o r I .
Fig. (Aloud.) Nor L
Aim (AJionifhed. ) Are there echoes here ?
Countefs, O, yes.
Aim. And now, my fweet Sufan, receive the por-
tion I promis'd thee : (Gives her a purse ^ and puts a
ring upon herfnger.) — And continue likewile to wear
this ring for my fake.
Countefs Sufan accepts your favors.
Fig. ( '"ifide. ) Was there ever fo faithlefs a hufiey !
Sm. (/ifide.) Thefe riches are all for us! (Still
keepi chuckling very heartily at what is going forward.)
Countefs. 1 perceive torches.
Aim. I'hey are preparatory to thy nuptials. (Th
Countess fretends to be afraid.) Come, come, let u^
retire for a moment into the pavilion.
A COMEDY. 43
Countess, What ! in the dark ?
Aim. Why not ? There are no fpldts.
Fig. [AJide.) Yes, but they are ; and evil ones too.
{Countess follows the Count.) She is going ! Hem !
[Figaro hems in a great pajfion. )
Aim, [Raijing bis voice majejier tally.) Who goes
there ?
Fig. A man.
Aim. [Aside to the Countess ) It's Figaro. [The
Countess enters the Pavilion on the ri^ht hand,
and the Count retires.)
Fig, [Desperate.) They're gone in. — [Walks
about.) Let her go, — let her go I
Sus. [Afide.) Thou (halt pay prefently for thefe fine
luTpicions. {Susan advances and mimicks the voice of
the Countess.) Who is that ?
Fig, [^Afide.'] 'Tis the Countefs. — What lucky
chance condu61ed ycu hither, madam ? — You know
not what fcenes are this moment tran'adling.
Sus. O yes, but I do, Figaro.
Fig. What, that the Count and my very virtuous
bride are this moment in yonder pavilion, madam ^
Sus. (AJide.) Very well, my gentleman ! — 1 know
more than thou dolt.
Fig. And will you not be reveng'd ?
Sus. O yes ; we always have our revenge in our
own power.
Fig, {/fide,) What does fhc mean? Perhaps,
what 1 lulpe6l.- — Tiiat would be a glorious retalia-
tion. — [To Susan.) There is no means but one, ma-
dam, of revenging fuch wrongs; and that now pre-
fents itfelf.
Sus. {A/ide.) What does the good-for-nothing
fellow mean ? [Steaks in a tone of compliance to Fi-
garo.) Does it, Figaro ?
Fig. Pardon my prefumption, madam : on any
other occafion, the refpecl I bear your ladyihip
44 THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,
wouM keep me filent j but, on the prefent, I dare
encounter aU. (Falls on his knees.) O, excufe, for-
give me, madam : — Let not the precious moments
ilip ! Giant mc your hand,
Sus. [UnaNe any longer to contain her [elf ^ gives him
ajlap on the face. ) Take it !
Fig. I have it, I think. — Ihe devil! This is the
day of flripes.
SuJ. Sufan gives it thee ! [As foon as Figaro hears
it is Sufan, his fani/artion is fo extreme, that he
laughs lerx heartily all the wtnc /he be.Us him.) And
that, and that, and tl:at, and t-at for thy infolence;
— and that for thy jealoufy ■^— and that for thy in-
fidelity. {Sufan out of bri'athy Figaro jt ill laughing,)
Fig. Chappy Figaro! — lake thy revenge, my
dear, kind, good angel J never did man or martyr
fuffer with fuch extacy.
Sus. Don*t tell me of your extacy ! How durft
you, you good for nothing, bafe, lalle-hearted, man,
make love to me, fuppofing me the Countefs. — But
I'll be reveng'd.
F.g. Talk not of revenge, my love ; but, tell me,
what bleft angel feat thee hither; and how>
Sus, Know, to thy confufion, that 1 and my lady,
coming here to catch one fox, have entrapp'd two.
Fig. But who has entrapp'd the other poor fox ?
Sus. Why, his own witc.
Ftg. His wife ?— Co, hang tbyfelf, Figaro, for
wanting the wit to divine this plot ! — And has all
this intriguing been only about his own wife, after
all?
Count advances from behind.
Aim. 'St— 'ft! Sufanl—Sufan!
Fig. {A fide to Su/an.) There's my Lord. — A
thought ftrikes mc. — Tr'ythce fecond me, Sufan,
A COMEDY. 4S
(Speaks in a feigned voice, falls on his knees» and kijjes
Sufan's hand,) — Ah, madam, let us not longer con-
verfe of love, but enjoy its treafures.
Aim. [AJide,) What's here ? A man on his knees
to the Countefs ! — {Feels for his fword: Figaro and
Sufan Jilently laughing. ) and I unarm'd !
Fig. Quickly then, madam, let us repair the
wrong which love this morning fufFer'd by the im-
pertinent intrufion of your lord.
Aim, This is not to be borne. {Darts between
them, feizes Figaro by the collar, while Sufan ejcapes in*
to the pavilion on ihe left.) — Villain ! —
Fig. (Pretends amazement.) My lord !
Aim. How, rafcal ! And, is it yoa ? — Holloa—
Holloa — Who hears me ? — Where are my people?
Lights , lights ! —
Enter four Servants with Flambeaux — Pedro and
Basil advance.
Aim, (7o ihe Servants.) Guard all the paffages,
and feize this fellow.
F?g, You command with abfoiutc authority over
all prefent, my lord; except yourfelf.
A/m. Nowj sir, — be pkas'd to declare before this
company, who the — the — woman is, that juft now
ran into that pavilion.
Fig. Into that — (Going towards- the Pavilion on the
right.)
Aim. (Stopping him,) No, prevaricating fiend;
into that. (Fointtng to the ctoer.)
Fig. Ah, that alters the cafe.
Aim. Anfwer, or
Fig. 1 he lady, — is a young lady, to whom my
lord once paid his addrefles; but who, happen-
ing to love me better than my betters, has this day
given me the preference.
46 THE FOLLIES OF A D\Y.
Aim, The preference ? — The preference ? — 'Tis
too true. — Yes, gentlemen, what he confefles, I
give you my honour, I juft now heard from the very
mouth of his accomplice.
Ba!, His accomplice !
AJm. Come forth, madam ! — [Enters the Pavilion
on the /^/ )*— Come forth, I fay, fhow yourfelf.
{ Enter y dragging out the Page, Jiilljpeakingy and not Iceking
at him till he gets on a line with the reji of the Company.)
Omnes. The Page !
Aim. Again, and again, and everlaftingly, this
damn'd diabolical Page! — (Page flies to the other
Jide 0/ the fiage,) You fhall find, however, he was
not alone.
Page. Ah, no ! My lot would have been hard in-
deed, then.
Aim, Enter, Pedro, and drag the guilty wretch
before her judge. (Pedro goes into the Pavilion on
ihs left.)
Ped. Come, madam, you mufl come out ; I muft
not let you go, fmce my lord knows you are here.
Enter Ped no bringing out Agnes,
Omnes. Agnes ! Ha ! ha ! ha !
Aim. I'll find her, I warrant. Where is this
daughter of infamy, who thus evades my juft fury ?
Enter Susan, with her Fan before her face, from the
Pavilion on the left.
Here flie comes, at laft ; proving her own fliame and
my diQionour. (Sufan hitth to him, Jlill hiding her
face.)
Omties, Pardon, pardon, gracious lord !
A COMEDY. 47
Aim. No ! No ! No ! {They all fall on their knees. I
No ! No ! Were the whole world to kneel, I would
be deaf.
^»/tfrMtf Countess, from the Pavilion on the right,
and kneels to ihs Count, whofe back is turned tf
her:
Countefs. Let me, my lord, make one of the num-
ber.
CSusKU drops her fan; — the Count heart the voice of the
Countefs y looks rounds andfuddenly conceives the whole trick
they have been playing him. All the Company burji into m
laugh; the Count's Jhamet confufiONf ^c.J
Aim. [With great humility.) And — is it you, ma*
dam?
Countefs. (Inclines herself, in token of affirmation.)
Aim. {Returning her bow with great con/ufion.)
Ah! — Yes! — Yes! A generous pardon— tho* un-
merited.
Countess. Were you in my place, you would ex-
claim, No ! No ! No !— but I grant it, without a
fingle ftipulation,
Sus» And I.
Fig. And 1.— There are echoes here.
Aim. {Surprifed.) 1 perceive, — 1 perceive: — -I have
been rightly ferv'd.
Countefs. Here, Sufan, here is the purfe and ring,
which my lord gave thee. He will re.nember thy
fweet delicate fingers, fo long and fo fraall.
Sus. Thank your lordlhip, — Here Figaro; {Gives
him. the Purfe.)
Fi^. It was devilifh hard to get at.
Aim. 'Pray, how did )pur valour like the box on
the ear I gave you juft now ?
Page, {With his hand to bis Sword.) Me, my co-
lonel ?
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