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Foster's  Comic  History 
of  Oklahoma 


By  C.  D.  FOSTER 

Cartoons  by  MERLE  St.  LEON 


>     ) 
'  •  > 
> .  » 


Published  by 

THE  PUBLISHERS  PRESS 

Oklahoma  City,  Okla. 


jTBADES  '^i'''COUKCi_i,^ 


rz^^ 


Copyright,  1916,  by 
C.  D.  FOSTER 

Oklahoma  City,  Oklahoma 
All  Rio'hts  Reserved 


,6,'  '^'" 


'CI.A4:!35ti6 

JUL-1  1916 


^ 


C.  D.  FOSTER 
Author  "Foster's  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma' 


Get  the  Habit  and  Smile 


When  you  feel  dam-bad, 

And  the  world  looks  blue, 
And  you're  tired  of  living — that's  true. 

When  your  poor  heart  aches 

Till  it  almost  breaks, 
And  you  think  your  friends  untrue — 

Cheer  up,  my  friend; 

Get  a  smile  on  your  face. 
Think  of  all  the  good  times  you've  had, 

Things  might  be  worse; 

Dpn't  trouble  'bout  the  hearse; 
Get  a  SMILE  on  your  face — and  be  glad. 


Autobiography  of  the  Author 

It  was  on  the  22nd  day  of  September,  in  the  year 
1880,  in  a  little  shack  out  on  the  western  prairies  in 
that  part  of  the  world  known  as  Seward,  Nebraska, 
that  I  first  saw  the  light  of  day.  I  was  very  young  and 
inexperienced,  in  fact  I  was  in  a  destitute  and  helpless 
condition.  My  parents  were  very  poor,  but  of  a  kind 
and  loving  disposition,  and  they  being  aware  of  my  then 
helplessness  proceeded  to  clothe  and  feed  me.  The  food 
they  gave  me  was  very  thin,  however,  and  consisted  of 
milk,  which  I  was  forced  to  take  in  tiny  sips  for  many 
months.  ,      •  '  ;    -^^ 

I  often  longed  for  a  square  meal  of  pork  and  beans, 
but  no  man  gave  unto  me. 

They  continued  to  minister  to  my  welfare  for 
many  years  afterwards,  and  this  debt  I  have  never 
been  able  to  pay.  They  have  given  up  all  hope  of  ever 
collecting  it. 

At  times  they  despaired  of  my  prospects  for  future 
usefulness  and  were  tempted  to  end  my  miserable  ex- 
istence, but  they  suffered  on,  and  allowed  me  to  do  like- 
wise, a  fact  they  have  many  times  since  had  cause  to 
lament. 

Some  folks  are  born  rich,  some  have  riches  thrust 
upon  them  and  some  are  born  good  looking.  Some  folks 
had  better  never  been  born  at  all.  My  friends  say  that 
I  belong  to  the  latter  class.  We  will  not  stop  to  argue 
the  question  with  them.    ''I  should  worry." 

In  early  life  I  developed  an  enormous  appetite  and 
my  capacity  for  beans  and  prunes  was  almost  beyond 


6  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

understanding.  In  later  life,  when  I  was  forced  to  shift 
for  myself,  this  appetite  was  a  serious  handicap  to  my 
welfare,  financially. 

I  was  allowed  to  grow  up  in  ignorance  and  have 
been  able  to  hold  my  own  ever  since.  Although  I  am 
naturally  of  a  loving  disposition  my  wife  would  no 
doubt  tell  you  that  I  am  a  grouch  and  I  have  long  since 
learned  never  to  dispute  her. 

Soon  after  reaching  my  majority  I  kissed  all  living 
things  on  the  old  homestead  goodbye  and  went  forth  to 
revolutionize  the  universe,  a  task  I  have  never  yet  been 
able  to  complete  satisfactorily. 

After  beating  around  over  the  rough  places  of  civ- 
ilization for  a  few  years  I  took  unto  myself  a  wife  and 
rounded  out  a  life  of  misery  and  privation  by  raising  a 
family  of  boys.  Through  the  kindness  of  my  wife's 
relations  I  have  been  able  to  keep  the  wolf  from  the 
door,  though  at  times  his  howls  were  audible  in  the 
near  vicinity. 

On  various  occasions  I  have  been  tempted  to  give 
up  the  ghost,  but  it  takes  nerve  to  do  this.  (I  have,  be- 
fore now,  been  accused  of  being  ''Nervy, "  but  that  is  a 
different  proposition  altogether.) 

Early  in  life  it  was  my  ambition  to  become  a  noted 
historian  and  my  first  offense  along  this  line  was  a  his- 
tory of  the  American  Indian,  which  I  stole  bodily  from 
the  story  of  Wild  Bill,  or  Leather  Stockings,  I  have 
forgotten  which. 

My  greatest  work  is  the  History  of  Oklahoma, 
which  will  always  have  a  warm  spot  in  my  heart,  for 
the  truths  contained  therein  are  a  boon  to  civilization, 
and  the  story  will  pass  down  through  the  ages  and 
wend  its  way  through  the  libraries  of  posterity  until 


Autobiography  of  the  Author  7 

the  moths  and  dust  shall  have  finished  its  useful  exist- 
ence. 

With  such  a  past  the  future  is  very  uncertain  and 
should  I  get  my  just  desserts,  well,  I  leave  it  with  you, 
gentle  reader ;  you  may  draw  your  own  conclusions,  and 
j^our  solution  of  the  problem  will  never  be  questioned 
by  me. 

Sincerely, 

C.  D.  F. 


Preface 

Facts  are  the  framework  of  history,  and  history 
is  a  record  of  the  past,  although  some  of  the  makers 
of  history  are  ashamed  of  their  past  record;  but  this 
history  is  no  respecter  of  persons. 

The  Artist  and  the  Author  both  have  a  great 
regard  for  facts,  and  we  have  never  in  our  lives 
spoken  disrespectfully  of  them. 

History  records  the  doings  of  individuals,  and 
we  have  tried  to  picture  these  individuals,  not  as  they 
appeared  when  posing  for  their  photograph,  but  as 
they  were  seen  in  the  ej^es  of  the  general  public  while 
they  were  making  history  for  the  ''general  public"  and 
posterity.  The  facts  in  the  case  are  that  we  got  them 
with  their  every-day  clothes  on. 

When  we  began  work  on  this  history  we  had  three 
objects  in  view: 

First:  To  write  the  funniest  history  that  Okla- 
homa folks  ever  read,  and  by  so  doing  be  able  to  sell 
a  few  of  them  to  the  unsuspecting,  innocent  public, 
because  we  needed  the  dough. 

Second:  Simplicity  of  style  and  impartiality  of 
treatment.  We  wanted  to  make  this  history  awfully 
simple,  and  the  result,  as  you  will  readily  notice,  has 
been  simply  awful. 

Third  :  To  put  before  the  people  of  Oklahoma  the 
truthful  story  of  the  building  of  the  greatest  state  on 
earth  by  some  of  the  best  people  on  earth — and  a  great 
many  other  folks. 


Preface 


Our  acknowledgment  is  due  to  the  Hon.  Bill  Nye 
for  the  idea,  to  Noah  Webster  for  the  loan  of  the 
vocabulary  used  herein,  and  to  our  many  friends  who 
so  generously  helped  us  in  one  way  and  another;  some 
by  heaping  insults  upon  our  head  for  attempting  to  put 
such  trash  on  tl;ie  market  for  an  intelligent  public  to 

read,  and  others  by 
useful  sugg  e  s  t  i  0  n  s 
along  the  line,  all  of 
which  we  ignored. 

Our  final  result 
will  bear  us  out  in 
this  statement. 

We  want  to  espe- 
cially thank  the  proof- 
reader   for    his    for- 
bearance    in     wading 
through  this  bunch  of 
junk    during   the    hot 
weather.     We  have  since  erected  a  monument  to  his 
memory  and  speak  of  him  with  the  greatest  of  rever- 
ence and  respect. 

If  this  history  succeeds  in  driving  away  the  blues 
from  the  clouded  mind  of  some  hard-working  Okla- 
homa citizen,  Ave  will  feel  well  paid  for  our  work,  and 
if  it  doesn't  we  will  have  no  one  to  blame  for  it  but 
ourselves.  We  are  not  going  to  get  mad  and  swear 
about  it ;  it  will  be  their  loss  and  not  ours. 

With  this  brief  preface  we  submit  the  work,  for 
better  or  for  worse,  and  thus  we  leave  it  with  you. 


/       OUR. 


PnOOF-RtADCR 


Our  Creed 

Who  makes  this  funny  world  go  round 

And  keeps  things  going  on? 
Who  holds  the  best  positions — 

Will  be  missed  most  when  he's  gone? 
Not  the  one  with  hoards  of  gold  dust, 

Not  the  plodder,  sure  but  slow — 
'Tis  the  one  who  spreads  the  salve  on — 

He's  the  one  that  makes  it  go. 

As  you  pass  along  life's  pathway. 

Fighting  for  your  daily  bread, 
Take  a  look  at  those  above  you — 

Who  are  they  so  far  ahead? 
Not  the  ones  who  found  the  horseshoe; 

Not  the  ones  behind  the  hoe — 
They're  the  ones  who  spread  the  B.  S., 

They're  the  ones  who  have  the  dough. 


Foreword 

The  history  of  Oklahoma  is  unique  in  many  ways. 
Few  of  the  Oklahoma  girls  have  ever  gone  outside  of 
the  state  to  marry  titles,  but  some  of  them  have 
acquired  them  just  the  same;  for  instance,  Buckskin 
Lizz,  Ponca  Nell  and  Flat  Foot  Ann. 

Oklahoma  has  but  few  idle  old  maids.  As  soon 
as  a  girl  decides  that  she  cannot  find  a  suitable  hus- 
band among  the  natives  she  resigns  herself  to  her 
fate  and  gets  elected  County  Superintendent  of 
Schools  or  Commissioner  of  Charities  and  Correc- 
tions. Failing  in  this,  she  joins  the  woman's  crusade 
against  the  bootleggers,  or  writes  stories  for  the  Black 
Cat  or  the  Comic  Section  of  the  St.  Louis  Post-Dis- 
patch.   The  woods  are  full  of  them. 

Another  peculiarity  is  that  the  Indians  played  an 
important  part  in  the  early  development  of  the  state, 
and  in  some  parts  a  few  of  them  still  survive,  but  for 
the  most  part  they  have  been  superseded  by  the 
grafters  and  politicians. 

This  accounts  in  a  measure  for  Oklahoma's 
peculiar  citizenship,  which  is  different  from  that  of 
any  other  state  in  the  union;  it  is  a  conglomeration 
of  people  from  all  over  the  world,  and  the  jails  and 
penitentiaries  are  generally  full  of  convicted  boot- 
leggers. 

The  state  is  the  richest  one  in  Uncle  Sam's  do- 
main in  the  production  of  oil  and  gas,  but  many  a 
poor  devil  lives  in  constant  dread  of  the  gas  meter 
in  winter  and  the  ice  man  in  summer. 


12 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


Oklahoma's  past  is  filled  with  daring  deeds  of 
graft  and  lawlessness;  her  present  is  partially  con- 
trolled by  the  corporations  and  the  enforcement  of- 
ficers, with  a  word  thrown  in  now  and  then  by  the 
Corporation  Commission ;  her  future  is  a  problem  that 
is  taxing  the  minds  of  the  local  option  workers,  the 
bootleggers  and  the  get-together  clubs  of  the  different 
political  parties;  though,  taken  as  a  whole,  she  is 
SOME  STATE. 

Those  who  carefully  study  this  history  will  not 
only  gain  a  knowledge  of  Oklahoma  and  its  builders, 
but  will  acquire  a  measure  of  intelligence  that  can 
never  be  obtained  by  reading  any  other  historical  pub- 
lication on  the  market  today,  for  the  facts  contained 


I     DlOEMT    Ra"iS£ 


Prepared  for  the  Weinerworst 


herein   are   altogether   different  from   other   facts   in 
common  use. 

These  facts  should  be  treated  with  all  due  respect 
and  courtesy.     They  have  been  culled  by  the  author, 


Foreword  13 

who  has  kept  them  so  fresh  and  green  that  an  unkind 
word  would  wither  them  in  a  moment ;  so  we  ask  that 
you  be  very  considerate  and,  when  you  read  them, 
if  you  feel  like  swearing,  smother  your  wrath ;  if  you 
feel  like  boosting,  give  a  yell;  but  however  you  feel, 
ask  your  neighbor  to  buj^  a  copy  of  the  book  and 
refuse  to  loan  him  yours.  You  will,  by  so  doing, 
confer  a  great  favor  on  the  author,  and  your  neigh- 
bor may  speak  to  you  afterwards — but  I  warn  you 
to  be  prepared  for  the  weinerworst. 


First  Known  Inhabitants 

Oklahoma  originally  belonged  to  the  Indians. 
That  was  before  the  white  folks  discovered  it;  after 
the  discovery  they  soon  took  it  away  from  the  red- 
skins, but  gave  a  part  of  it  back  to  them  to  live  on 
until  it  could  be  taken  away  again. 

War  was  the  chief  business  of  the  original  In- 
dians, and  most  of  them  never  got  over  it.  These 
original  inhabitants  treated  their  women  folks  as  if 
they  belonged  to  a  lower  class  of  beings  and  fit  only 
to  be  the  drudge  and  servant  of  her  lord  and  master, 
her  great  w^arrior. 

If  one  should  allow  his  imagination  to  have  full 
sway,  he  might  judge  from  the  pleadings  filed  in  the 
various  divorce  cases  in  Judge  Hudson's  court  at 
Bartlesville  in  the  past  few  years  that  a  remnant  of 
this  former  civilization  still  exists. 

Some  folks  believe  that  the  divorce  evil  is  an 
epidemic ;  that  is,  they  think  it  is  catching. 

Most  of  the  early  inhabitants  dressed  in  the  Sep- 
tember Morn  costume  in  summer,  but  added  a  bufl"alo 
skin  in  winter — woolly  side  in.  Some  of  the  society 
leaders  of  late  years,  who  are  habitues  of  the  tango 
dance  halls,  have  apparently  dispensed  with  a  part  of 
this  dress. 

The  principal  business  outside  of  warfare  was  the 
exchange  of  valuable  skins  and  beads  to  the  white 
traders  for  tobacco  and  firewater.  It  was  a  poor 
grade  of  'liooze"  that  they  got,  but  it  gave  them  that 
funny,  fighting  feeling,  and  that  was  what  they  were 
after.    "Choc"  is  used  for  the  same  purpose  now. 


First  Knoivn  Inhabitants 


15 


Their  God  was  the  Great  Spirit;  their  Heaven  a 
happy  hunting  ground,  where  they  expected  to  take 
all  their  earthly  belongings.  A  great  many  of  the  red 
men  went  there  before  they  served  their  allotted  time 
on  Oklahoma  soil.  It  has  been  hinted  that  some  of 
them  that  are  left  at  this  late  date  would  have  been 
better  off  if  they  had  gone  on  before. 

Their  bunco  business  was  done  by  the  medicine 
men,  and  even  now -in  up-to-date  1916  medicine  fakirs 
ply  their  trade  on  the  street  corners  of  some  of  the 


>T       CURE'S     (rVtr^^      THIM& 

FrfO'>^         C0RN3        TO         eaAi'.' 

FEvE-R,      (^BD      tapȣ     iaJop.  ni' 


INDIAN 

MEDl  CIWE5 

For.  th-el 
5T0  r^AC  H 


^lOO  PenRottlc-  2  For^- 
"The  tapeworm  in  this  bottle  is  75  feet  long  and  taken  from  a  2  year  old  child,  etc' 

leading  cities  and  sell  their  fake  Indian  remedies  to 
an  innocent  and  unsuspecting  public  at  so  much  per. 
Some  of  their  victims  have  been  known  to  live  on  in 
spite  of  it,  but  for  the  most  part  they  are  not  so 
fortunate. 

Most  crimes  had  penalties  that  could  be  met  or 


16  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

settled  by  the  payment  of  a  price  (usually  payable  in 
ponies),  and  when  the  white  men  came  with  their 
civilization  and  civilized  laws  they  stole  this  idea  from 
the  Indian  and  incorporated  the  same  notions  into  the 
said  'iaws,"  so  that  today,  as  then,  many  crimes  are 
settled  by  the  payment  of  a  price,  and  the  bigger  the 
crime  the  higher  the  price. 

Murder  was  usually  punished  by  a  relative  or 
friend  of  the  victim,  who  acted  as  an  executioner ;  and 
thus  many  feuds  sprang  up,  and  some  of  them  have 
not  died  out  yet,  although  most  of  the  original  con- 
testants have. 

Each  tribe  had  its  own  peculiar  grunts  and  growls 
that  took  the  place  of  a  language,  and  tribes  that  had 
not  a  single  word  in  common  could  readily  carry  on 
a  conversation  by  means  of  these  said  grunts  and 
growls,  together  with  a  bunch  of  signs  that  they  used, 
and  ''They  were  much  given  to  oratory  and  story- 
telling"   (historical  quotation). 

Their  houses  were  called  tepees,  and  were  con- 
structed by  drawing  three  or  four  poles  together  at 
the  top  like  a  tripod  and  then  covering  these  poles 
with  skins  and  grass  or  whatever  the  squaws  could 
find  lying  around  loose.  This  made  moving  easy,  and 
when  this  eventful  day  came  around,  as  it  always  does 
on  various  occasions,  all  they  had  to  do  was  to  roll 
up  their  house  and  take  it  along. 

Great  events  in  tribal  history  were  recorded  on 
tanned  buffalo  skin  by  means  of  a  crude  system  of 
picture  writing. 


Explorations 


Coronado. 

The  first  white  people  to  visit  what  is  now  Okla- 
homa came  here  in  the  early  part  of  the  Sixteenth 
Century.  Their  object  in  coming  here  was  not  to 
discover  Oklahoma,  for  they  had  no  use  for  it;  they 
were  seeking  for  gold,  and  although  more  than  four 
hundred  years  have  elapsed  since  then,  many  people 
visit  Oklahoma  now  with  the  same  object  in  view. 
Some  of  them  get  disappointed,  others  buy  gold  bricks 
and  diamonds  and  still  retain  their  dignity  as 
statesmen. 

Coronado  was  perhaps  the  first  white  man  to  fit 
out  a  company  of  volunteers  to  seek  for  the  precious 
metal  in  this  neck  of  the  woods.  The  nerve  of  some 
people ! 

He  went  almost  nutty  over  the  belief  that  he 
would  find  the  seven  cities  of  Cibola  somewhere 
within  the  bounds  of  the  present  State  of  Oklahoma, 
-or  Arizona,  so  he  gathered  together  a  thousand  naked 
savages  and  about  three  hundred  Spaniards  and  went 
forth  to  investigate.     He  got  back! 

They  crossed  a  great  plain  which  they  named  the 
LLANO  ESTACADO,  and  it  has  never  since  changed 
its  name,  although  few  'people  know  how  to  pro- 
nounce it. 

He  felt  discouraged  when  he  crossed  the  Pan- 
handle of  Texas,  but  he  pushed  on  until  he  reached 
the  quicksand  beds  of  the  Cimarron  river.     Here  he 


18 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


suffered  terribly  for  want  of  water,  gave  up  in 
despair  and  returned  home;  not,  however,  until  he 
had  strangled  his  guide  that  led  him  into  such  a 
country. 

This  was  the  first  lynching  of  record  on  Oklahoma 
soil.  Two  or  three  towns  in  the  state  can  vouch  for 
the  fact  that  it  was  not  the  last  one. 


"Killin'  is  Too  Good  for  Ynh" 


Laharpe. 

Laharpe  was  a  horse  trader  and  came  to  Okla- 
homa soon  after  Coronado.  It  is  hinted  that  he  was 
the  first  member  of  the  A.  H.  T.  A. 

The  people  of  Kansas  thought  so  much  of  him 
that  they  named  one  of  their  little  villages  after  him. 
It  has  never  since  made  much  of  a  growth,  due  to 
poor  digestion  or  something  of  the  sort. 


Explorations 


19 


'Oft  on  a  Stilly  Night" 


Many  horse  traders  have 
infested  these  regions  since,  and 
some  of  them  found  that  their 
business  hung  heavily  around 
their  necks  at  the  last.  Some  of 
them  were  not  able  to  get  their 
feet  on  the  ground  again — 
speaking  from  a  business  stand- 
point, of  course.  Any  way  you 
are  a  mind  to  look  at  it,  their 
hands  were  tied.  •  . 


Cabaca  de  Vaca. 

Among  other  famous  explorers  who  were  to  take 
a  prominent  part  in  the  discovery  and  exploration 
of  this  great  country  was  Cabaca  De  Vaca,  who  claims 
that  he  was  the  first  white  man  to  look  a  buffalo  in 
the  face. 


/Good  f^ianf  \    (kiellq  sport" 

[(jWENDOLVrJ'J  ^ 


LOOKING     A    BUFFALO 
IN    THE    pace:. 


"And  the  blow  almost  killed  father" 


Sometime  after  this  all  the  buit'alo  became  extinct 
in  Oklahoma  except  a  few  that  Pawnee  Bill  uses  in 
his  show. 


20 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


De  Vaca  claims  that  he  passed  up  either  the 
Cimarron -or  Canadian  river  valley  for  many  miles, 
but  some  of  the  wise  ones  shake  their  heads  when 
they  read  about  it,  for  they  doubt  if  he  had  the  nerve, 
and,  even  if  he  had,  how  could  his  men  go  so  long 
without  water?  This  depends,  of  course,  on  the  sea- 
son of  the  year. 

Bonilia. 

Bonilla  got  it  into  his  head  that  a  certain,  band 
of  Indians  needed  spanking,  and  he  fitted  out  an 
expedition  to  do  the  job  up  right.  He  had  heard,  too, 
that  gold  was  to  be  found  in  paying  quantities  along- 
some  of  the  streams,  and  he  wanted  to  see  for  himself. 

He  got  into  a  conflab  with  one  of  his  captains 
because  he  thought  that  the  old  fellow  was  making 
goo-goo  eyes  at  the  Indian  girls  as  they  passed  the 


yan    TH  E    uov  e  Of 
MIKE.     OLB    TOP.   OE 
REA50WABLE-     i'Eu 
<lOT     ^     W\FB      AND 


HE    CRACKtO    T9E.  ouq 

A'VAW     OV£l\     THt       OEAN" 


I'll  give  you  to  understand  that  I'm  no  flirt 


camp  on  their  way  to  gather  buffalo  chips  for  their 
camp  fires. 


Explorations  21 

The  captain,  whose  name  was  Humana,  cracked 
the  old  explorer  on  the  bean  and  he  croaked. 

The  Indians  were  sore  on  Humana  anyway,  on 
account  of  his  unwelcome  attention  to  the  young  girls 
of  the  tribe,  and  they  fell  on  the  camp  one  night  and 
almost  exterminated  the  whole  bunch. 

A  few  years  after  this  the  Governor  of  New 
Mexico,  assisted  by  one  of  the  survivors  of  the  old 
Bonilla  expedition,  fitted  out  a  marauding  party  and 
killed  about  a  thousand  Indians. 

This  eased  up  matters  some  and  made  the  white 
folks  feel  a  ''heap''  better. 

This  all  happened  away  back  in  1601,  and  we 
have  forgotten  the  particulars. 

About  ten  years  later  the  Spaniards  pawed  all 
over  the  Wichita  mountains  in  search  of  gold.  This 
search  was  kept  up  for  forty  years  by  the  mission- 
aries, who  were  supported  by  the  folks  back  home 
while  they  were  supposed  to  convert  the  poor  heathen 
Indians  to  Christianity    (and  firewater). 

In  the  latter  they  succeeded  beyond  expectations, 
but  they  never  found  much  gold. 

In  1717  a  Spanish  force  five  hundred  strong  went 
out  to  punish  the  Comanche  Indians.  This  party 
started  out  from  Santa  Fe,  New  Mexico.  They 
marched  to  within  a  few  feet  of  the  western  boundary 
of  Oklahoma,  where  they  found  the  Comanche  camp. 
(It  is  not  known  at  this  time  why  the  Indians  did  not 
camp  over  on  the  Oklahoma  side,  but  tradition  has 
it  that  the  sand  was  too  hot  for  their  bare  feet  and 
that  the  old  chief  and  a  few  others  got  cold  feet  on 
the  proposition;  anyway,  they  were  found  on  the 
Texas  side.) 

The  Spaniards  let  their  hair  down  and  put  a  little 


22  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

red  paint  on  their  cheeks,  and  thus  disguised  them- 
selves so  completely  that  when  they  attacked  the  band 
at  daybreak  the  Indians  thought  it  was  one  of  their 
raiding  parties  coming  home  to  roost. 

Those  who  were  not  killed  at  the  first  rush  were 
soon  enlightened,  and  seven  hundred  in  all  were  sent 
to  the  Queen  of  Spain  as  a  Christmas  present. 

When  the  Queen  glued  her  glims  on  the  old 
Comanche  warriors  she  threw  a  fit  and  ordered  them 
deported  to  Cuba. 

She  gave  each  of  them  a  banana  farm  down  there, 
but  it  is  said  that  they  would  not  work  it,  because 
their  squaws  were  absent,  and  in  time  they  all  starved 
to  death.  This  tale  has  never  before  been  truth- 
fully told. 

Thus  the  country  flourished  until  Jefferson 
bought  Louisiana  from  Napoleon,  and  coaxed  him  to 
throw  in  Oklahoma  for  good  measure. 

[N.  B.    Both  these  men  are  dead.] 

Oklahoma  was  at  this  time  a  barren  piece  of  land 
sprinkled  over  with  sand  and  pebbles,  fit  only  for  the 
Indians.  It  was  almost  uninhabitable  when  the  hot 
south  winds  got  to  monkeying  with  the  said  sand  and 
pebbles.  By  patience  and  perseverance  it  has  become 
one  of  the  leading  states  of  the  union  in  the  produc- 
tion of  oil  and  gas  and  a  few  other  things  too  numer- 
ous to  mention. 

Questions. 

Q.  Why  did  people  come  to  Oklahoma  in  the  first 
place? 

A.     They  thought  they  would  get  rich  quick. 


H 
M 

vi 

w 
S 

H 

OS 

a: 

u 
u 

a 

a 


24 


Comic  Historij  of  Oklahoma 


Q.  Why  did  Coronado  give  up  his  search  for  the 
seven  cities  of  Cibola? 

A.  He  got  stuck  in  the  quicksands  of  the  Cimar- 
ron river  and  v^^as  afraid  to  go  farther  on  account 
of  lack  of  v^ater. 

Q.     How  did  Uncle  Sam  acquire  Oklahoma? 

A.  Napoleon  threw  it  in  as  good  measure  when 
he  sold  the  Louisiana  country  to  Jefferson.  (Note — 
Jefferson  died  before  the  trick  was  discovered.) 

Q.    What  are  buffalo  chips? 

A.    Ask  any  old  settler  of  Kansas  or  Oklahoma. 


1 


Back  to  Nature,    No'gas  meter;  no  coal  bills 


Indian  Territory  Established 


In  1824  President  Monroe  proposed  an  Indian 
Territory,  where  all  the  Indians  that  were  in  the  way 
in  the  East  could  be  herded  together  in  one  spot,  be- 
yond civilization. 

They  chose  Indian  Territory  for  this  purpose. 

Fort  Gibson  was  the  first  barracks  established 
and  Fort  Towson  the  next.  At  the  former  the  noted 
characters  of  the  day  used  to  gather  to  spin  yarns. 
Among  them  we  might  mention : 

Washington  Irving. 

This  noted  Ameri- 
can writer  visited  Fort 
Gibson  and  wrote  his 
'Tales  of  a  Traveler"  in 
a  tent  just  outside  of  the 
parade  grounds  on  Gar- 
rison Hill. 

The  commencement 
of  the  second  paragraph 
of  his  book  entitled  ''A 
Tour  of  the  Prairies" 
reads  as  follows:  ''It 
was'  early  in  October, 
1832,  that  I  arrived  at 
Fort  Gibson,  a  frontier 
post  of  the  far  west,  sit- 
uated on  the  Neosho  or 
Grand  river  near  its 
confluence    with    the    Arkansas."      It    is    said    that 


T832''  - 


i  erected"  B" 


^"P'^Hi^f- 


26  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

he  got  his  inspiration  for  his  famous  story,  ''The 
Legend  of  Sleepy  Hollow,"  at  Muskogee,  a  little  village 
a  few  miles  to  the  west.  His  description  of  ''Ichabod 
Crane"  produces  a  life-sized  likeness  of  a  noted  music 
teacher  of  Bartlesville.  (Excuse  us  for  a  moment;  we 
just  dodged  a  brick.) 

John  Howard  Payne. 

John  Howard  Payne  visited  Fort  Gibson  many 
times  and  after  his  first  visit  there  he  went  home  and 
wrote  our  National  Hymn,  ''Home,  Sweet  Home."  No 
one  who  has  ever  visited  Fort  Gibson  criticised  him 
for  feeling  that  way  about  it. 

Longfellow. 

In  1848  the  poet  Longfellow,  on  a  tour  of  observa- 
tion, visited  Fort  Gibson,  and  the  next  year  appeared 
the  finest  of  all  his  poems,  ''Evangeline,"  where  the 
scenery  in  the  vicinity  of  Fort  Gibson  is  graphically 
described. 

In  this  wonderful  land  at  the  border  of  the  Ozark 
mountains,  Evangeline  sought  Gabriel,  and  met  a 
Shawnee  woman  who,  like  herself,  was  seeking  her 
lost  lover.  She  related  a  tale  of  love  with  its  pleasures, 
until  Evangeline's  heart  was  touched  with  pity  for  the 
Indian  maiden,  and  there  they  wept  together  for  their 
helpless  fate,  the  white  woman  and  her  red-skinned 
sister. 

It  was  here  that  Evangeline  first  began  to  despair 
of  ever  finding  Gabriel,  and  we  do  not  blame  her  for 
this.  We  do  not  see  how  she  ever  had  the  heart  to  go 
on  after  such  an  experience,  but  she  did,  and  after 
many  more  years  of  searching  she  found — Oh,  pshaw  I 
go  get  the  book  and  read  it  for  yourself. 


Indian  Territory  Established  27 

Jefferson  Davis. 

Jefferson  Davis  at  one  time  commanded  Fort  Gib- 
son, and  the  house  in  which  he  lived  is  now  in  ruins, 
and  only  the  two  chimneys  mark  the  site  where  once 
the  rude  hut  stood.  It  seems  like  everything  Jeff  un- 
dertook went  to  ruin. 

It  was  here  that  Jeff  stole  his  bride,  the  daughter 
of  Zachariah  Taylor.  Zach  did  not  like  Jeff  then,  for 
he  was  an  untried  lieutenant,  and  he  wanted  his  Betty 
to  marry  some  one  that  had  been  weighed  in  the  bal- 
ance, but  Jeff  and  she  hiked  off  to  Van  Buren,  Arkan- 
sas, one  day  and  had  the  knot  tied,  and  then  came 
back  to  Fort  Gibson  to  get  forgiveness. 

Soon  afterwards  Zach  was  called  to  the  Mexican 
war  and  at  Buena  Vista  he  got  his  men  into  a  jackpot, 
but  Jeff  came  up  and  turned  defeat  into  a  victory  for 
the  Americans,  and  old  Zach  fell  on  his  neck  and  wept. 
After  that  they  were  pals. 

Jeff  was  a  pretty  good  boy,  but  he  saw  such  a 
mess  made  of  the  government  in  relation  to  the  affairs 
of  the  Indian  country  that  when  the  civil  war  broke 
out  he  cast  his  lot  with  the  Johnnies,  and  they  liked 
him  so  well  that  they  invited  him  to  be  the  first  Presi- 
dent of  the  Confederacy,  a  position  no  other  man  ever 
filled.  Considering  his  early  training,  no  one  has  ever 
questioned  his  sincerity  in  taking  the  job;  but  from 
the  reports  the  salary  he  received  never  did  him  much 
good,  and  some  even  question  the  honorary  position 
as  well,  because  Pat  Henry  said  one  time  that  he  would 
rather  be  right  than  be  President,  and  Pat  ought  to 
know  because,  like  Bryan,  he  never  was  President. 

Sam  Houston. 

Sam  resigned  the  Governorship  of  Tennessee,  left 
his  newly  married  wife  and  went  west  to  join  the 


28  Comic  History  of  OJclahoma 

Cherokees.  He  lived  a  number  of  years  at  Fort  Gib- 
son, assuming  Indian  garb,  and  took  up  his  abode  with 
old  Chief  Johnnycake. 

He  was  at  this  time  addicted  to  heavy  drinking, 
but  we  do  not  know  whether  this  had  anything  to  do 
with  his  leaving  home. 

It  is  said  that  he  was  both  honored  and  feared  by 
the  Cherokees,  and  he  seemed  to  enjoy  it,  so  what  dif- 
ference does  it  make  to  us? 

Why  he  left  his  home  in  the  east  is  a  matter  of 
little  consequence,  and  on  the  whole  it  is  none  of  our 
business.  What  became  of  his  wife  is  a  matter  that 
no  one  ever  cared  to  discuss  with  him,  and  as  the 
Bible  says  that  it  is  not  good  for  man  to  be  alone,  Sam 
proceeded  to  get  him  an  Indian  wife.  She  was  Tahil- 
hina  Rodgers,  and  it  is  said  on  good  authority  that 
she  was  very  beautiful.  We  never  saw  her  picture, 
but  then  the  Indian  maiden  in  pictures  and  the  Indian 
girl  in  reality  are  two  different  girls  altogether.  We 
do  not  know  to  which  of  these  she  belonged. 

Sam  lived  with  his  Indian  wife  until  the  Mexican 
war  broke  out  and  then  he  went  to  the  front,  and  indi- 
cations are  that  he  forgot  all  about  the  little  Indian 
wife  at  home.    We  hope  not. 

What  happened  is  a  matter  of  history.  Houston 
joined  his  strength  with  the  party  that  was  fighting 
for  the  independence  of  Texas,  became  their  general, 
defeated  the  Mexican  army  and  won  for  them  their 
freedom. 

He  then  married  again,  and  this  time  succeeded 
in  staying  long  enough  to  raise  a  family.  Temple 
Houston,  one  of  the  children  from  this  marriage,  be- 
came a  very  prominent  man  in  the  early  history  of 
Oklahoma. 


Indian  Territory  Established  29 

Let  us  say  to  the  credit  of  Houston  that  he  tried 
to  get  his  Indian  wife  to  come  to  him  in  Texas,  but 
she  thought  that  she  could  never  stand  it  to  Kve  among 
the  Texas  people,  so  she  declined  with  thanks. 

Tahilhina  died  of  pneumonia  in  1838,  before  Hous- 
ton had  an  opportunity  to  come  back  to  see  her,  but 
on  her  tombstone  you  will  find  these  words,  'Tahilhina, 
Cherokee  Wife  of  Sam  Houston,  the  Liberator  of 
Texas." 

Henry  M.  Stanley. 

Stanley  used  to  teach  school  in  Fort  Gibson,  and 
the  old  building  is  still  standing.  It  is  said  that  he 
literally  taught  the  young  idea  how  to  shoot,  because 
they  needed  the  shooting  part  worse  than  they  did  the 
three  R's. 

He  never  received  as  much  money  or  as  much 
notoriety  from  his  school  teaching  business  as  he  did 
from  his  hunt  for  Livingstone  in  South  Africa,  but  he 
said  he  was  well  fitted  for  his  southern  jaunt  in  Dark- 
est Africa  after  spending  a  few  years  in  this  neck  of 
the  woods. 

Many  of  the  citizens  of  Fort  Gibson  relate  with 
great  pride  that  they  learned  their  A,  B,  C's  from 
Henry.  They  never  mentioned  it  to  any  one  until  after 
he  put  out  his  famous  book,  **In  Darkest  Africa,* 
which  we  have  had  in  our  library  for  nearly  twenty 
years,  but  never  have  read.  It's  a  good  book  yet,  for 
it  has  seen  but  little  use. 

George  Catlin. 

George  Catlin  used  to  visit  Fort  Gibson  and  put 
up  at  the  best  hotel.  The  old  Indians  would  come  from 
miles  around  to  get  George  to  draw  their  pictures, 
while  some  of  the  braves  brought  their  sweethearts  to 


30  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

George  and  sat  behind  him  while  they  posed  for  their 
pictures  in  front.  These  were  strenuous  times  for 
George. 

One  day  the  old  chief  got  jealous  of  him  and  he 
left  between  acts,  and  was  never  heard  from  after- 
wards. Some  say  that  he  took  the  princess  of  the  tribe 
with  him,  and  some  say  that  he  didn't,  but,  anyway, 
white  men  from  all  parts  of  the  east  came  here  in 
great  numbers  as  soon  as  George  published  the  first 
edition  of  his  Indian  Portrait  Album.  Many  of  them 
were  afterwards  dubbed  **Squaw  Men,"  and  in  due 
course  of  time  they  became  very  wealthy,  because 
every  child  born  to  them  was  entitled  to  a  quarter 
section  of  land. 

Soon  after  this  preparations  were  made  to  move 
all  the  Indians  from  the  eastern  country  into  this  new 
Indian  Territory  that  President  Monroe  had  planned. 

Some  of  the  older  heads  of  the  different  Indian 
tribes  did  not  like  the  proposition  very  well.  They 
argued  that  it  was  hardly  right  to  expect  them  to  give 
up  their  nice  homes  in  the  east  for  a  home  on  the 
prairie,  and  then,  too,  some  of  the  old  bucks  were 
suff'ering  with  kidney  trouble  and  they  were  informed 
by  the  medicine  men  of  the  tribe  that  the  alkali  water 
in  some  parts  of  the  Indian  Territory  would  not  be 
very  good  for  them.  Uncle  Sam  insisted,  however, 
and  some  of  the  Indians  still  survive,  although  they 
are  so  mixed  up  with  white  folks  that  it  is  hard  to 
distinguish  them,  except  that  the  girls  are  reputed  to 
be  much  better  looking  than  the  pure  white  stock. 
Some  hold  to  the  theory  that  it  is  on  account  of  their 
greater  wealth,  while  others  claim  that  they  are  not 
so  much  given  to  the  slit  skirt  and  the  X-ray  dresses 
as  their  white  sisters  are. 


Indian  Territory  Established  31 

The  author,  being  of  a  very  reserved  nature,  and 
not  well  versed  along  the  line  of  Paris  fashions,  is  not 
in  a  position  to  speak  authoritatively  on  the  subject. 
We  do  not  know  that  we  have  ever  made  the  acquaint- 
ance of  an  old  maid  that  could  trace  her  lineage  back 
to  the  red  man  of  old. 

George  Guess. 

Soon  after  the  removal  a  Cherokee  by  the 
name  of  Sequoyah  conceived  the  idea  that  the  Chero- 
kee language  could  be  printed  if  he  could  just  think 
of  a  suitable  character  to  represent  each  word  of  the 
language,  but  he  found  that  this  was  ''heap  much"  of 
a  task  for  one  poor  Indian,  so  he  got  out  a  government 
patent  on  enough  signs  to  represent  the  different  syl- 
lables of  the  language,  and  found  that  he  had  in  all 
eighty-four  characters. 

He  then  used  the  letter  ''S."  What  he  used  this 
*'S"  for,  I  do  not  know,  but  no  doubt  it  stood  for 
Sequoyah  and  a  few  other  very  prominent  characters 
of  that  day  and  age.  It  is  said  that  some  of  the  old 
bucks  had  'a  hard  time  mastering  these  eighty-four 
characters  before  they  could  write  a  letter  to  the  folks 
back  home.  Tradition  has  it  that  Sequoyah  grew  up 
very  ignorant  and  untutored  and  that  he  never  suc- 
ceeded in  learning  to  write  his  own  name  in  "United 
States."  And  he  never  learned  to  speak  the  language 
of  the  pale  faces.  He  wrote  many  lengthy  articles  in 
Cherokee  and  succeeded  in  getting  them  printed  in  the 
home  newspaper,  and  the  folks  read  these  articles  at 
times. 

In  his  declining  years  he  was  kept  busy  inventing 
alphabets  for  the  various  Indian  tribes  throughout  the 
old  Indian  Territory,  as  the  Indians  about  this  time 
were  very  much  in  need  of  a  language  to  express  their 


32 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


feelings  toward  the  white  intruders.  Some  of  these 
would  not  do  to  print,  however;  they  have  never  be- 
come a  matter  of  history. 

Many  years  after  Sequoyah  had  gone  to  the  happy 
hunting  ground  there  was  a  convention  called  for  the 
purpose  of  forming  a  constitution  for  that  part  of  the 
world  known  as  the  Old  Indian  Territory. 

After  they  got  the  constitution  to  their  liking  they 
intended  to  have  it  adopted  and  then  apply  for  admis- 
sion under  the  name  Sequoyah ;  this  proposition,  how- 
ever, contracted  some  awful  disease  and  died  in  in- 
fancy. 

When  the  constitution  for  the  joint  statehood  of 
Oklahoma  and  Indian  Territory  was  formed  some  time 
later  one  of  the  counties  was  named  after  the  noted 
chief. 


Chief  Geronimo  and  his  bodyguard  enroute  to  Ft.  Sill. 
"There's  no  place  like  home" 


A  few  months  ago,  while  the  author  was  out  on 
one  of  his  foraging  expeditions  in  search  of  facts  for 
use  in  this  history,  the  train  stopped  at  a  small  vil- 


Indian  Territory  Established  33 

lage  not  far  from  Claremore,  and  upon  investigating 
we  found  that  we  were  at  Sequoyah.  We  feel  sure  that 
old  George  Guess,  if  he  were  on  earth  now,  would  be 
forever  ashamed  of  the  town  that  bears  his  name.  But 
poor  George  is  gone. 

Fort   Arbuckles. 

This  fort  was  established  in  1851  and  was  no  doubt 
named  in  honor  of  Arbuckles  Coffee.  History  tells  us 
that  it  was  afterwards  abandoned,  and  all  the  folks 
drank  Postum  because  they  had  a  reason  for  it.  Fort 
Sill  was  established  soon  afterwards  and  old  Geronimo 
moved  his  headquarters  there,  where  he  remamed  un- 
til his  death. 

Fort  Cobb. 

This  was  another  stronghold.  This  fort  took  its 
name  from  the  great  piles  of  corn  cobs  stacked  there 
by  the  campers  who  lived  on  roasting  ears. 

Below  you  see  a  picture  of  one  of  the  post  com- 
manders and  his  waiter.  Note  the  satisfied  expression 
on  the  visible  part  of  his  face. 


M^^FS-CO" 


Summary 


The  period  from  1803,  when  the  Oklahoma  coun- 
try came  into  possession  of  the  United  States,  up  to 
the  time  of  the  Civil  War  might  be  termed  very  peace- 
able, considering  the  conditions  then  existing  and  the 
people  who  inhabited  the  country  that  was  afterwards 
to  form  the  great  State  of  Oklahoma. 

The  Five  Civilized  Tribes  continued  to  thrive  and 
raise  children.  They  no  longer  depended  on  the  mis- 
sionaries for  everything  but  began  to  shift  for  them- 
selves, and  incidentally  to  sell  a  portion  of  their  al- 
lotment to  their  white  brothers. 

Sequoyah  had  given  them  a  language  of  their  own 
and  they  began  to  flood  the  market  with  yellow  backed 
literature  that  exploited  the  daring  deeds  of  the  great 


''Everybody  works  but  father" 


chiefs  of  the  tribes,  and  one  book  especially  on  "How 
to  Get  More  Work  Out  of  Your  Squaw"  was  read  witli 
great  interest. 

In  1832  Nathaniel  Boone,  son  of  old  Dan,  marched 
to  the  present  site  of  Guthrie,  then  south  between  Ok- 


Summary  35 

lahoma  City  and  El  Reno,  then  back  home.  They  say 
that  he  was  hunting  for  a  townsite  but  found  nothing 
that  looked  promising,  so  the  attempt  was  abandoned ; 
but  in  1843  he  tried  it  again,  without  success,  and  he 
was  soon  forgotten.  Since  that  time  many  attempts 
have  been  made  to  build  a  city  in  this  locality. 

In  1861,  at  the  outbreak  of  the  Civil  War,  the 
Choctaws  declared  in  favor  of  the  Johnnies,  as  did  also 
the  Chickasaws.  The  Cherokees  followed  soon  after- 
wards. Several  other  tribes  cast  their  lot  with  the 
Yanks. 

•Captain  Albert  Pike  had  been  appointed  special 
agent  to  wait  on  the  various  tribes  and  hornswoggle 
them  into  the  Confederacy,  which  he  did.  Some  of 
them  remained  neutral  and  thus  saved  their  bacon. 

In  January,  1835,  the  location  and  size  of  Indian 
Territory  was  describd  as  follows: 

"By  the  Indian  Territory  is  meant  the  country 
within  the  following  limits,  viz: 

"Beginning  on  the  Red  River  east  of  the  Mexican 
boundary,  and  as  far  west  of  Arkansas  Territory  as 
the  country  is  habitable  (note  this  last  word)  ;  thence 
.down  the  Red  River  eastwardly  to  the  Arkansas  Ter- 
ritory to  the  State  line  of  Missouri;  thence  along  its 
western  line  to  the  Missouri  river ;  thence  up  the  Mis- 
souri river  to  the  Puncah  river;  thence  westwardly  as 
far  as  the  country  is  habitable  (?)  ;  thence  southward 
to  the  point  of  beginning."  This  includes  Kansas  and 
Nebraska,  as  far  west  as  the  country  is  habitable,  and, 
strange  as  it  may  seem,  they  never  went  any  farther 
west  than  the  Texas  Panhandle.  History  tells  us  that 
what  was  meant  by  "habitable"  was  a  country  upon 
which  timber  sufficient  for  building,  fuel  and  fencing 


36 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


grew.    If  this  were  true,  they  should  never  have  set- 
tled the  countrj'  west  of  Shawnee. 

[Note.  In  1856  a  scourge  of  grasshoppers  visited 
a  part  of  Oklahoma  and  destroyed  everything  in  their 
path,  even  carrying  off  the  small  papooses.] 


Kickapoo,  Sockery,  Pow-wow,  Dam 


Since  that  time  the  people  of  Oklahoma  have  been 
able  to  cope  with  all  pests  that  threatened  the  welfare 
of  the  prosperous  commonwealth,  except  insurance 
agents,  domestic  servants  and  solicitors  for  Collier's 
Weekly. 


Wars 

This  chapter  will  be  given  up  to  wars,  and  will, 
in  a  general  way,  take  up  the  bloody  part  of  the  his- 
tory of  this  great  republic. 

In  some  ways  they  played  a  very  important  part 
in  this  history  by  relieving  the  general  congested  sit- 
uation about  this  time.  The  penitentiaries  were  over- 
crowded and  pin-head  lawyers  were  very  numerous 
in  some  localities.  These  wars  enabled  them  to  come 
to  the  front  in  whirlwind  fashion. 

The  many  Easterners  who  were  attracted  here  on 
account  of  these  wars  soon  conceived  the  idea  that  there 
could  be  a  great  profit  derived  from  the  sale  of  Indian 
relics,  and  many  factories  sprung  up  all  over  the  coun- 
try that  manufactured  these  curios  and  sold  them  to 
the  unsuspecting  and  innocent  public  at  fabulous 
prices. 

The  fact  that  it  was  necessary  to  expose  the  an- 
cient relics  to  the  wind  and  weather  to  give  them  the 
proper  appearance  accounts  for  their  general  useless- 
ness. 

Outside  of  a  few  little  skirmishes  with  the  Indians, 
more  on  the  order  of  family  rows,  the  country  was 
never  thrown  into  a  state  of  general  turmoil  until  the 
Civil  War  broke  out. 

This  Civil  War  was  a  most  unhappy  event  for  the 
Indian  women,  for  not  a  few  of  them  owned  slaves 
who  did  the  most  of  the  work.  The  women  of  the 
tribes  were  thus  relieved  of  much  of  the  household 
drudgery.    As  soon  as  the  slaves  were  freed  the  Indian 


38  Comic  History  of  OJdahoma 

women  were  again  put  into  the  hardest  work  and  were 
compelled  to  scrub  the  floors  of  their  own  tepees  and 
carry  in  the  grass  and  leaves  for  their  own  bunks. 
This  was  considered  very  degrading  by  the  society 
women  of  the  tribes,  but  they  had  to  put  up  with  it. 

Nearly  all  of  the  tribes  came  from  the  South,  and 
to  this  day  most  of  them  vote  the  Democratic  ticket, 
and  consider  work  a  degrading  occupation. 

The  Caddo  Indians  had  recently  been  expelled  from 
Texas,  and  when  some  of  the  friendly  troops  retreated 
northward  from  Oklahoma  at  the  outbreak  of  the  war 
they  eagerly  followed.  During  their  march  north- 
ward it  is  stated  on  good  authority  that  food  was 
so  scarce  that  all  the  forces  from  both  sides  of  the  fray 
gathered  in  the  Red  River  Valley  to  keep  from  starv- 
ing to  death. 

General  Stand  Waitie  and  General  Gano  suc- 
ceeded   in    furnishing    new    suits    to    their    soldiers 

once  during  the  war 
while  they  were  camped 
between  Tulsa  and  Eu- 
f  aula,  but  the  old  Indians 
could  not  accustom 
themselves  to  their  new 
suits  and  in  a  short  time 
they  cut  the  seats  out  of 
the  trousers,  because 
they  said  the  white 
man's  pants  were  too 
Removed  the  Seat  of  trouble        ^ot  f  or  Ordinary  Wear. 

Although  these  are  not  all  the  principal  events  of 
the  Civil  War  in  Oklahoma,  yet  on  the  whole  they 
were  not  very  decisive.  The  ruin  of  the  country, 
however,  from  a  financial  standpoint,  was  very  com- 


Wars 


39 


plete.  Add  to  this  the  lawless  ele- 
ment, which  knew  no  feeling  of  loy- 
alty for  either  side,  who  plundered 
and  robbed  the  people  as  occasion  of- 
fered. This  has  been  continued  ever 
since  by  a  certain  element. 

The  Indians  that  remained  loyal 
during  the  war  were  dubbed  Pin  In- 
dians. History  tells  it  was  on  ac- 
count of  the  pins  they  wore,  but  in 
the  language  of  today  it  would  be 
taken  a^  an  intimation  that  they  were 

pin-heads. 

As  soon  as  the  Indians  got  wind 
that  the  Confederacy  was  losing 
ground  they  deserted  in  great  num- 
bers and  went  over  to  the  Unioi. 
ranks,  where  their  canteens  were 
kept  filled  to  overflowing. 

The  Civil  War  in  Oklahoma  is  not  one  that  in- 
spires the  white  man  with  a  feeling  of  pride  in  his 
race,  so  we  will  pass  it  up  and  agree  with  Sherman 
that  in  Oklahoma,  at  least,  war  was  what  he  said  il 
was. 

The  ten  years  following  the  Civil  War  are  noted 
in  Oklahoma  for  several  reasons.  -The  country  was 
overrun  with  horse-thieves,  whiskey  peddlers,  gam- 
blers and  sharpers  that  preyed  upon  the  Indians  and 
some  other  folks.  They  were  the  daddies  of  the  pres- 
ent day  bootleggers  that  infest  the  country  in  various 
places. 

Finally,  after  a  few  years  had  passed,  Kicking 
Bird,  Little  Raven  and  Whirlwind,  assisted  by  a  few 
other  big  bugs  of  the  Indian  country,  including  Qua- 


Me  no  Pin  Head;  Me 
Sap  Head 


40 


Comic  History  of  Oldahoma 


nah  Parker,  decided  to  clean  up  on  the  white  folks. 
They  did—! 

Pat  Hennesey  was  burned  alive  at  his  own  wagon 
wheel.  It  is  hinted  that  this  outrage  was  committed 
by  outlaws  disguised  as  Indians.  However  that  may 
be,  the  Indians  got  the  blame  for  it  at  the  time,  and 
Uncle  Sam  peeped  into  the  matter  very  carefully  and 
in  a  short  time,  after  this  there  were  fewer  Indians 
in  Oklahoma  and  "peace  was  restored"  (historical 
quotation) . 

This  ended  the  Indian  wars  in  Oklahoma  until 
Crazy  Snake  broke  loose  a  few  years  ago/  This 
caused  quite  an  excitement  among  the  newspaper  men, 
but  they  were  the  only  ones  that  made  anything  out 
of  it.     (More  later,  see  appendix.) 

After   the    Indian 
^ftryjyyy/yA  '■^A^/.y,\  w^////^ d/////i^^^  wars  came  the  Boomer 


war.  Perhaps  the  best 
known  name  in  this 
boomer  war  business 
was  that  of  David  L. 
Payne.  He  planted  a 
colony  near  the  pres- 
ent site  of  Oklahoma 
City  in  1880,  but  the 
^/  j I  colonists  were  ar- 
rested, some  say  on  ac- 
count of  their  attempt 
to  plant  a  colony  in 
forbidden     territory, 

Througrh  the  window-Payne  but   a    citizCn    of   Guth- 

rie  said  recently  that  it  was  his  firm  belief  that  they 
were  arrested  for  attempting  to  plant  a  colony  in  such 
a  forlorn  and  desolate  place  as  that  must  have  been. 


War^  41 

Dave  tried  it  again  after  he  failed  at  Oklahoma 
City.  They  say  it  was  about  two  years  afterwards. 
This  was  also  a  failure.  The  next  year  he  appealed  to 
the  courts  for  an  injunction  forbidding  anyone  to  mo- 
lest him  in  his  attempt  to  colonize  the  Oklahoma 
country.  The  Supreme  Court  postponed  his  hearing 
until  they  caught  another  bunch  of  boomers  coming 
into  the  country  and  they  laid  this  on  Cap  and  indicted 
him. 

The  Standard  Oil  Company  had  a  very  valuable 
barbed  wire  fence  destroyed  about  this  time  and  this 
was  laid  up  against  Dave,  too. 

Now  history  fails  to  tell  us  how  it  came  about  that 
the  Standard  Oil  Company  was  allowed  to  do  business 
in  the  forbidden  territory  when  they  would  not  allow 
honest  homeseekers  to  squat  on  enough  territory  to 
make  them  a  farm,  but  we  report  with  great  satisfac- 
tion that  when  the  Standard  applied  to  the  courts  for 
redress  of  grievances  Uncle  Samuel  told  them  that 
there  was  nothing  doing.  And  if  they  wanted  a  fence 
there  they  would  have  to  build  a  new  one. 

Payne  gave  up  trying  to  settle  this  country  in 
droves  and  advised  his  followers  to  sneak  in  one  at  a 
time.  Quite  a  few  of  them  ''snuk"  and  were  left  here 
unmolested  for  a  few  years,  but  they  were  all  routed 
after  a  while,  not  by  the  soldiers  with  sword  and  gun, 
but  by  starvation.  The  soldiers  never  allowed  a  grub 
train  to  reach  the  settlers  and  they  soon  went  back 
to  their  wife's  relations. 

Payne  died  in  1884,  and  a  few  days  afterwards  a 
bill  was  introduced  into  Congress  providing  for  the 
opening  of  the  country  to  settlement. 

[Note.  The  reason  that  the  people  of  Oklahoma 
thought  so  much  of  Payne  was  that  he  died  before 
they  elected  him  governor.] 


Indians 

The  origin  of  the  American  Indian  is  not  known, 
but  the  origin  of  some  of  the  names  will  be  given  here 
to  enlighten  the  future  generations.  Taken  as  a  whole 
the  Indians  had  peculiar  names ;  no  more  so,  however, 
than  the  Greeks,  Dutch  and  Polocks  that  work  around 
the  smelters  at  Bartlesville,  in  Smelter-town. 

The  name  Arapaho  is  taken  from  the  Pawnee  lan- 
guage and  signifies  "Trader."  They  are  to  the  Indian 
civilization  what  the  Jew  is  to  the  dry  goods  business 
of  the  United  States,  and  they  are  tolerated. 

Cheyenne  is  a  French  word,  taken  from  the  Dakota 
language,  meaning  a  people  of  alien  speech,  and  for 
many  years  the  white  folks  w^ere  unable  to  understand 
the  Cheyenne  Indians  and  the  getting  acquainted  cost 
this  countrj^  over  thirty  million  dollars,  besides  a  thou- 
sand soldiers,  settlers,  freighters  and  scouts. 

The  Delawares  called  themselves  in  their  own  lan- 
guage "Leni-Lenape"  which  meant  ''real  man,"  and 
Joe  Bartles  of  Dewey  is  trying  to  live  up  to  the  stand- 
ard. It  is  claimed  that  an  ancient  wampum  belt 
owned  by  the  Delawares  before  the  white  people  came 
to  this  country  was  used  in  the*  treaty  with  William 
Penn.  This  belt  was  adorned  with  a  copper  heart, 
which,  like  the  heart  of  a  Delaware,  never  changes. 
The  Delawares  furnished  170  soldiers  to  the  Union 
army  out  of  a  total  able  bodied  population  of  201,  but 
history  fails  to  state  how  many  returned  to  their  te- 
pees after  the  war  was  over. 

The  name  Pottawatomie  means  "Fire  Maker,"  and 


Indmns 


43 


during  the  French  and  Indian  wars  they  were  against 
the  English,  and  that  is  where  they  discovered  the 
"Fire  Fly." 

The  Sauk  and  Fox  (pronounced  Sack  and  Fox) 
produced  a  great  leader  known  as  Black  Hawk,  but 
they  finally  lost  out  after  they  came  to  Oklahoma,  and 
their  lands  were  thrown  open  to  settlement,  and  al- 
though they  were  conceded  to  be  as  sly  as  a  fox  they 
were  left  holding  the  sack. 

The  name  Apache  signifies  ''Enemy"  (refer  to 
Geronimo) . 

Pawnee,  in  the  language  of  the  Red  Man,  signifies 
''A  Horn" ;  this  name  was  given  to  them  because  there 
never  was  a  Pawnee  Indian  known  to  refuse  a  horn  of 
good  whiskey. 


HOfStS 


I 


"There  hain't  no  sich  animul" 


,  Chickasaw  is  of  unknown  origin,  but  Choctaw,  In 

the  language  of  the  old  timer,  signifies  "Flat  Head." 
We  have  in  our  time  known  some  Dutch  people  who 
were  called  flat-heads,  and  then  there  is  a  variety  of 
cabbage  that  still  bears  that  title. 

Creek  was  a  name  applied  to  the  people  of  a  certain 


44  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

locality  because  their  country  abounded  in  creeks  and 
streams.  They  are  known  in  this  day  and  age  by  their 
mixture  with  the  freed  men  of  their  tribe  and  most 
of  them  are  dark  complexioned.     (See  appendix.) 

Seminole  originally  meant  "A  Runaway."  This 
tribe  was  divided  during  the  Civil  War,  and  they  first 
acquired  the  title  when  that  portion  of  the  tribe  that 
was  attached  to  the  Southern  Confederacy  made  their 
get-away  at  the  battle  of  Bull  Run. 

The  word  Comanche  means  "Snake,"  and  this  tribe 
drifted  from  the  Rocky  Mountain  region  about  two 
hundred  years  ago.  They  got  peeved  at  Texas  once 
because  she  tried  to  exclude  them  from  their  old  hunt- 
ing grounds  and  they  were  at  outs  with  all  the  Ameri- 
can people  for  many  years.  This  grudge  hung  on  un- 
til the  buffalo  became  extinct  and  they  were  forced  to 
move  onto  a  reservation  and  draw  rations  from  the 
Great  Father  at  Washington  to  keep  from  starving 
to  death.  After  that  they  felt  some  better  and  in  their 
disgust  with  themselves  they  surrendered  to  the  Gov- 
ernment. 

Iowa  means  "Sleepy  Ones,"  but  we  do  not  know 
whether  this  had  anything  to  do  with  the  naming  of 
one  of  the  states  of  this  great  Union  or  not.  We  will 
look  it  up  at  our  leisure  and  report  in  the  appendix. 

The  Osage  Indians  were  known  to  the  other  tribes 
as  the  "Washash"  which  no  doubt  meant  wealthy,  as 
they  are  reputed  to  be  worth,  on  an  average,  about 
$25,000.00  per  head.  In  later  years  John  Stink  has 
keen  kept  busy  on  the  Lookout  for  his  Bacon  Rind  and 
the  Uncle  Sam  Oil  Co.  finally  got  the  best  of  the  deal. 

The  Tonkawa  tribe  were  cannibals  and  the  name 


Indians  45 

signifies  ''Staying  together."    You  can  draw  your  own 
conclusions. 

There  are  many  other  tribes  in  Oklahoma,  but 
space  forbids  further  discussion  at  this  late  hour,  S3 
we  will  close  the  chapter  by  saying,  "May  their  souls 
rest  in  pieces." 


A  Red  Skin's  View  of  Palefaces 

When  the  railroads  first  came  to  Oklahoma  the  In- 
dian kids  used  to  speak  pieces  about  them.  One  of 
them  went  something  like  this: 

"The  Locomotive  is  a  steed  most  won- 
derful to  view, 
He  runs  on  wheels  instead  of  legs. 
^  His  joints  all  turn  on  iron  pegs, 

His  road  is  iron,  too. 
Choo-choo,  he  says,  choo-choo. 
Get  out  of  my  way,  you  Injun  you,  or 
Whew,  I'll  cut  you  right  in  two." 

They  saw  many  other  curious  sights.  History  tells 
us  that  Mow-a-way,  a  Comanche  chief  captured  by  Gen- 
eral Getty  at  the  head  of  a  party  of  young  men,  was 
one  of  those  who  saw  strange  things.  His  name  signi- 
fies ''Handshaker,"  and  he  must  have  been  a  politician. 
We  must,  therefore,  take  what  he  says  with  a  pinch  of 
salt.  What  he  is  presumed  to  have  said  is  taken  bodily 
from  another  history,  and  we  do  not  care  to  enter  into 
a  controversy  with  the  author,  and  Mow-a-way  is  dead, 
so  all  we  ask  is  that  this  bit  of  hearsay  be  taken  *'as 
you  like  it."  His  story  follows  verbatim  et  literatim, 
according  to  Thoburn  and  Holcomb : 

**I  supposed  when  we  started  that  the  soldiers 
were  taking  us  away  off  to  be  killed,  but  we  traveled 
on,  day  after  day  in  the  wagons  and  were  kindly 
treated.  When  one  of  the  Indians  was  taken  sick  I 
supposed  the  white  men  would  be  glad  to  see  him  die. 


A  Redskin's  View  of  Palefaces  47 

but,  instead,  they  doctored  him  and  did  all  they  could 
to  cure  him. 

*'When  he  died  they  did  not  throw  him  out  in  the 
grass  for  the  wolves  to  eat,  as  I  expected  they  would, 
but  the  commanding  officer  sent  some  men  to  dig  a 
grave  for  him.  They  made  a  box  and  put  him  into  it 
with  all  his  clothes,  his  bow  and  arrows;  everything 
he  owned  they  gave  him.  The  hole  that  they  dug  was 
the  nicest  one  I  ever  saw  (excuse  us  while  we  shed  a 
sympathetic  tear.)  They  made  a  little  mound  over 
him,  smooth  and  nice.  I  could  not  understand  why 
such  mean  people,  as  I  thought  the  white  people  were, 
should  be  so  kind  to  an  Indian  in  sickness  and  after 
death. 


<o 


When  we  had  traveled  many  days,  we  came  to 
where  there  was  a  new  kind  of  road  that  I  had  never 
heard  of.  There  was  a  very  large  iron  horse  hitched 
to  several  houses  on  wheels.  We  were  taken  into  one 
of  them,  which  was  the  nicest  house  I  ever  saw. 

'There  were  seats  on  each  side  of  it.  As  soon  as 
we  were  seated  the  iron  horse  began  to  snort,  and  away 
he  went,  pulling  the  houses;  our  ponies  could  not  run 
half  so  fast.  It  only  ran  a  little  while  till  it  made  a  big 
snort  and  stopped  at  another  white  man's  village. 

'The  iron  horse  kept  running  and  snorting,  and 
stopping  at  the  white  man's  villages,  and  the  villages 
kept  getting  larger  and  larger.  I  had  no  idea  that  the 
white  man  had  so  many  villages  and  that  there  were 
so  many  white  men.  At  length  we  reached  Leaven- 
worth, which  was  the  largest  of  any  of  the  villages. 
There  were  people  so  many,  and  land  so  scarce,  that 
they  built  one  house  on  top  of  another,  two,  three 
houses  high.     These  houses  were  divided  into  little 


48  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

houses  inside.  Their  houses  were  built  close  together 
on  both  sides  of  the  road.  They  were  full  of  people, 
and  the  roads  between  the  houses  were  full  of  people. 
I  know  not  where  they  all  came  from,  but  I  saw  them 
with  my  own  eyes.  I  had  no  idea  there  were  so  many 
white  people  in  the  world. 

''After  we  were  taken  over  one  of  the  houses  built 
on  top  of  another,  we  were  taken  into  a  house  in  the 
ground  right  under  the  other  one.  There  was  no  one 
living  in  it,  but  there  were  barrels  of  foolish  water  in 
it.  There  was  some  of  it  offered  to  me  to  drink  but  I 
saw  it  made  the  white  men  foolish  to  drink  it,  and  I 
was  afraid  to  take  any,  for  fear  that  I  would  get  as 
foolish  as  they. 

''We  were  taken  into  a  house  that  was  built  on  the 
water,  and  could  swim  everywhere.  It  made  no  differ- 
ence how  deep  the  water  was  it  could  swim.  There  is 
where  the  sugar  comes  from.  I  saw  the  men  rolling 
great  big  barrels  of  sugar  out  of  the  house  on  the 
water,  and  so  many  of  them.  Nobody  need  talk  to  me 
about  sugar  being  scarce  after  seeing  the  large  amount 
coming  out  of  the  house  that  was  swimming  on  the 
water    *    *    *." 

*****  JlJ  :i; 

Now  this  is  history  and  we  do  not  attempt  to  dis- 
pute it;  far  be  it  from  us  to  do  such  a  thing  on  this 
auspicious  occasion.  But  the  average  conversation  of 
the  Oklahoma  Indian  is  not  along  these  lines.  Here  is 
what  they  generally  say  when  they  are  being  trans- 
ported as  this  old  Indian  was.  You  who  are  familiar 
with  the  average  Full  Blood  language  can  read  this 
conversation,  and  no  one  will  deny  that  it  depicts  the 
average : 


A  Redskin's  View  of  Palefaces 


49 


?? 


** 


?? 


** 


** 


?? 


*♦ 


7? 


?? 

•     •  •     •  •     • 

Grunt. 

Then,  besides,  who  ever  heard  of  an  Indian  refus- 
ing foolish  water?    But  this  is  history  and  as  we  are 
personally   acquainted   with'  the   authors   we   do   not 
want  to  dispute  their  claim.     Look  at  the  picture  of 
Mow-a-way  and  then  tell  me,  gentle  reader,  will  Jeff 
ever  be  as  long  as  Mutt? 


Believe  me,  Jeff,  some  Buck 


Indian  Scraps 


The  Peace  Pipe 

The  Indians  used  to  fight  among  themselves  like 
naughty  school  children.  The  last  scrap  between  the 
Cherokees  and  Osages  took  place  at  the  Claremore 
Mound  in  September,  1828. 

Tachee,  or  ''Dutch"  commanded  the  Cherokees,  and 
the  Osages  were  led  by  Chief  Claremore. 

The  tribes  finally  got  together  (meaning,  reached 
an  agreement)  in  their  councils.  The  delegations  oi 
Delaware,  Cherokee,  Seneca  and  Osage  Indians  took 
an  active  part,  urging  that  their  brethren  of  the  plains 
listen  to  the  white  man's  words  and  turn  into  the 
■paths  of  peace. 

It  is  but  fair  to  state  that  the  vote  on  the  ratifica- 
tion of  the  various  treaties  showed  barely  the  requi- 
site two-thirds  majority. 

After  they  decided  on  peace  among  themselves, 
some  of  the  tribes  joined  and  made  war  on  the  settleis 
who  journeyed  along  the  Santa  Fe  trail.  It  is  said 
that  in  1847  the  total  loss  from  Indian  raids  on  this 
trail  was  as  follows: 

Number  of  persons  killed,  47. 

Number  of  wagons  destroyed,  330. 

Number  of  horses,  mules  and  oxen  stolen,  6500. 


Indian  Scraps  51 

History  fails  to  relate,  however,  the  number  of 
redskins  that  failed  to  answer  roll  call  in  1848. 

Whirlwind,  the  great  Cheyenne  war  chief,  claims 
that  one  time  every  feather  of  his  war  bonnet  was  shot 
off  by  the  bullets  of  the  enemy,  but  they  never  touched 
him. 

It  is  rumored  that  his  hide  was  so  tough  that  the 
bullets  glanced  off. 

The  Caddo  Indians  were  never  hostile  to  the  whites 
but  they  ''kept  company"  with  other  Indians  who  were 
and  the  white  folks  got  suspicious. 

A  force  was  organized  to  exterminate  them.  The 
Caddos  were  forced  to  flee  from  their  country, 
and  we  as  white  folks  must  point  with  pride  (?)  to 
the  success  of  the  undertaking. 

In  1865  the  Indians  of  the  Five  Civilized  Tribes 
decided  to  call  in  all  the  Indians,  smoke  the  pipe  of 
peace,  drop  all  old  differences  and  become  parties  to  a 
peace  compact. 

The  following  is  the  peace  compact  drawn  up  and 
duly  signed: 

''Whereas,  The  history  of  the  past  admonishes 
the  red  man  that  his  once  great  and  powerful  race  is 
rapidly  passing  away  as  the  snow  beneath  the  summer 
sun,  our  people  of  the  mighty  nation  of  our  forefathers 
many  years  ago  having  been  as  numerous  as  the 
leaves  of  the  forest  or  the  stars  of  the  heavens;  but. 
now,  by  the  vicissitudes  of  time  and  change  and  mis- 
fortune and  the  evils  of  disunion,  discord  and  war 
among  themselves,  are  but  a  wreck  of  their  former 
greatness ;  their  vast  and  lovely  country  and  beautiful 
hunting  grounds,  abounding  in  all  of  the  luxuries  and 
necessities  of  life  and  happiness,  given  to  them  by  the 


52  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

Great  Spirit,  having  known  no  limits  but  the  shores  of 
the  great  waters  and  the  horizon  of  the  heavens,  is 
now,  on  account  of  our  weakness,  being  reduced  and 
hemmed  into  a  small  and  precarious  country  that  we 
can  scarcely  call  our  own,  and  in  which  we  cannot  re- 
main in  safety  and  pursue  our  peaceful  avocations,  nor 
can  we  visit  the  bones  and  graves  of  our  kindred,  so 
dear  to  our  hearts  and  sacred  to  our  memories,  unless 
we  run  the  risk  of  being  murdered  by  our  more  power- 
ful enemies;  and, 

''Whereas,  There  still  remain  in  the  timbered 
country,  on  the  plains  and  in  the  mountains,  many 
bands  of  our  people  which,  if  united,  w^ould  present 
a  body  that  would  afford  sufficient  strength  to  com- 
mand respect  and  assert  our  rights. 

"Therefore,  We,  the  Cherokees,  Choctaws,  Musko- 
gees,  Seminoles,  Chickasaw^s,  Reserve  Caddos,  Reserve 
Osages,  Reserve  Comanches,  comprsing  the  Confeder- 
ate Indian  Tribes,  and  allies  of  the  Confederate  States 
of  the  First  Part,  and  our  brothers  of  the  plains,  the 
Kiowas,  Arapahos,  Chicagos,  Chochotekas,  and  the 
Tenewetts,  Yampankas,  Mootches  and  Jim  Pock  Marks 
band  of  Caddos  and  Anadarkos,  of  the  Second  Part, 
do,  for  ourselves  and  for  our  peace  and  happiness  and 
the  preservation  of  our  race,  make  and  enter  into  the 
following  league  and  compact,  to-wit : 

"Article  One :  Peace  and  friendship  shall  forever 
exist  between  the  tribes  and  bands,  parties  to  this  com- 
pact. The  ancient  council  fires  of  our  forefathers  al- 
ready kindled  by  our  brothers  of  the  timbered  coun- 
try shall  be  kept  kindled  and  blazing  by  brotherly  love 
until  their  smoke  shall  ascend  to  the  spirit  land  to 
invoke  a  blessing.  The  tomahawk  shall  forever  be 
buried.     The  scalping  knife  shall  forever  be  broken. 


Indian  Scraps  53 

The  war  path  heretofore  leading  from  one  tribe  to  an- 
other shall  grow  up  and  become  as  the  wild  wilderness. 
The  path  of  peace  shall  be  opened  from  one  tribe  to 
another  and  kept  open  and  traveled  in  friendship,  so 
that  it  may  become  white  and  brightened  as  time  rolls 
on,  and  so  that  our  children  in  all  time  may  travel  no 
other  road  and  never  shall  it  be  stained  with  the  blood 
of  our  brothers. 

"Article  Two :  The  party  to  this  compact  shall  com- 
pose (as  our  undersigned  brothers  of  the  timbered  coun- 
try of  the  first  part  already  have  done)  an  Indian  con- 
federacy or  band  of  brothers,  having  for  its  object  the 
peace,  the  happiness  and  the  protection  of  all  alike  and 
the  preservation  of  our  race.  In  no  case  shall  the  war 
path  be  opened  to  settle  any  difficulties  or  disputes  that 
may  hereafter  arise  between  any  of  the  tribes  or  bands, 
parties  to  this  compact,  or  individuals  thereof.  All  the 
difficulties  shall  be  settled  without  the  shedding  of  any 
blood,  and,  by  suggestion  of  the  chiefs  and  head  men 
of  the  tribes,  bands  and  persons  interested.  The  motto 
and  great  principle  of  the  confederacy  shall  be  'An  In- 
dian shall  not  spill  any  Indian's  blood.' 

''In  testimony  of  our  sincerity  and  good  faith  in 
entering  into  this  compact  we  have  smoked  the  (pipe  of 
peace  and  extended  to  each  other  the  hand  of  fellow- 
ship and  exchanged  the  token  and  emblem  of  peace 
and  friendship  peculiar  to  our  race,  this  26th  day  of 
May,  1865." 

We  have  not  appended  the  signatures  to  this  com- 
pact for  the  simple  reason  that  there  is  no  white  man 
living  today  who  could  decipher  the  hieroglyphics  used 
by  the  old  warriors  when  they  put  their  John  Henry  to 
this  contract  so  many  years  ago. 


54  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

Kindly  imagine  that  you 
have  taken  an  old  hen  by  the 
tail  just  after  she  has  waded 
through  a  mud  hole  and  hur- 
riedly dragged  her  across  the 
paper,  at  the  bottom,  where 
the  signatures  should  be,  and 

Putting  on  the  John  Hancock         ^^^     ^^-jj     ^^^^     ^     ^^^^^^     .^^^ 

than  could  be  portrayed  by  ink  and  type. 

It  might  be  in  order  at  this  time  to  give  a  brief 
biography  of  a  few  of  the  noted  Indians  that  helped 
make  Oklahoma  what  it  is  today. 

We  have  previously  pointed  out  many  of  the  noted 
points  in  the  character  of  our  old  friend  George  Guess. 
George's  right  name  was  Sequoyah  and  he  is  said  to 
have  been  born  in  1760  and  died  in  1844.  His  dad  was 
a  white  man,  his  mother  a  Cherokee. 

Tradition  has  it  that  Nathaniel  Gist,  a  son  of 
Christopher  Gist,  who  accompanied  George  Washing- 
ton on  his  mission  to  Fort  Du  Quesne,  was  his  pa,  but 
they  never  succeeded  in  proving  it  on  him  and  the  sub- 
ject was  never  brought  up  in  the  homes  of  the  best  peo- 
ple in  after  years.  Read  about  George  and  his  alphabet 
in  the  fore  part  of  this  history. 

Stand  Waitie  was  born  in  Rome,  Georgia,  in  1815 
and  died  in  1877.  He  was  a  full  blood  Cherokee  and 
was  colonel  of  the  first  Cherokee  regiment  (Confeder- 
ate) ;  was  later  made  brigadier  general  in  1864. 

Jesse  Chisholm  was  born  in  1806  and  died  in  1863. 
He  was  a  brother  of  Tahilhina  Rodgers,  the  Cherokee 
wife  of  Sam  Houston.  He  could  speak  fourteen  differ- 
ent languages  and  the  Chisholm  Trail  will  long  be  re- 
membered by  the  old  settlers  of  Oklahoma. 

Satanta  is  said  to  have  been  a  noted  speaker  and  a 


Indian  Scraps  55 

notorious  liar.  When  a  raid  was  made  into  Texas  in 
1871  the  agent,  a  Mr.  Tatum,  asked  what  Indians  had 
made  the  raid. 

This  is  the  way  he  told  it  to  the  agent : 

''Yes,  I  led  that  raid.    I  have  often  asked  for  arms 

and  ammunition,  which  have  not  been  furnished.  I 
have  made  many  other  requests  which  have  not  been 
granted.  You  do  not  listen  to  my  talk.  The  white 
people  are  preparing  to  build  a  railroad  through  our 
country,  which  will  not  be  permitted.  Some  years  ago 
they  took  us  by  the  hair  and  pulled  us  here  close  to 
Texas,  where  we  have  to  fight  them.  More  recently  I 
was  arrested  and  confined  for  several  days,  but  that  is 
played  out  now.  There  will  never  be  any  more  Kiowa 
Indians  arrested.  I  want  you  to  remember  that.  On 
account  of  these  grievances  a  short  time  ago  I  took 
about  a  hundred  of  my  warriors  to  Texas  to  teach  them 
how  to  fight.  I  also  took  the  chiefs  Satank,  Eagle 
Heart,  Big  Bow,  Big  Tree  and  Fast  Bear.  We  found 
a  mule  train  which  we  captured  and  killed  seven  men. 
Two  of  our  men  were  killed,  too,  but  we  are  willing 
to  call  it  even.  It  is  all  over  now,  and  it  is  not  necessary 
to  say  much  more  about  it.  We  don't  expect  to  do  any 
raiding  around  here  this  summer,  but  we  do  expect  to 
raid  in  Texas.  If  any  other  Indian  claims  the  honor  of 
leading  that  party  he  is  lying  to  you.    I  led  it  myself." 

This"  has  always  been  considered  "some  speech.'' 
We  expect  some  day  to  see  it  translated  into  many  lan- 
guages. 

History  would  not  be  complete  if  we  did  not  give  a 
short  account  of  the  life  of  Quanah  Parker.  His  mother 
was  Cynthia  Ann  Parker,  a  white  woman  who,  at  the 
age  of  nine,  was  captured  by  the  Comanches.  She  be- 
came the  wife,  or  squaw,  of  the  great  chief.  She  w?vS 


56 


Comic  History  of  OJdahoma 


Mihm]^\iimi\\, 


vn-  % 


cnptured  by  the  Texas  rangers  in  1860  and  restored  to 
her  relatives  but  she  was  never  satisfied  and  died  of  a 

broken  heart.    Quanah 
j^!S3Knng^^es^%^;g^aEa9KH3saigaQt^P^ ^]    was   eleven  years   old 

when  his  mother  was 
captured  by  the  Ran- 
gers. He  afterwards 
became  a  great  war- 
jij  rior  and  was  very  hos- 
tile to  the  whites.  He 
finally  changea  ana  in 
later  life  was  a  great 
worker  for  peace  and 
happiness  among  his 
own  people  and  their 
white  neighbors  as 
well. 

We  reproduce  the 
1  Lord's  Prayer  in 
Cherokee.  Read  it, 
dear  friend,  it  may  do  you  good.  Even  in  the  event 
you  cannot  understand  it  as  it  is  written,  you  may 
get  as  much  good  out  of  it  as  some  of  the  poor 
heathen  Indians  did. 

[Note.  The  following  books  not  only  added  spice, 
but  truthfulness,  to  the  foregoing  chapter :  ''Oklahoma 
Charlie,"  by  Marion  Hughes;  ''Between  Drinks,"  by 
Carrie  Nation ;  "Why  I  Am  Not  a  Red  Skin,"  by  Wal- 
ter Ferguson ;  "Why  They  Moved  the  Capital,"  by  Les- 
lie Niblack,  with  notes  by  C.  N.  Haskell  and  introduc- 
tion by  Harvey  Maxie.] 


^  w .  ■  >  .   ■<■'<  > 


1  .IKl',  - 


,  \f  .■>,!. i    Mr      »J  I 


The  Opening 


At  twelve  o'clock,  noon,  on  the  22nd  day  of  April, 
1889,  the  signal  gun  was  fired  that  gave  the  people  per  - 
mission  to  hike  over  the  line  and  get  a  home  if  tliey 
could  beat  the  other  fellow  to  it,  and  seeing  a  chance 
for  future  misery  and  privation,  many  people  were  on 
hands  early  to  avoid  the  rush. 

A  few  days  before  the  opening  some  of  the  more 
energetic  fellows  eluded  the  officers  and  had  already 
made  their  selection.  Later  some  of  them  were  re- 
moved by  the  soldiers,  some  by  the  .undertakers,  and  a 
few  remain  to  this  day.  They  are  called  sooners,  be- 
cause they  would  sooner  starve  than  work  the  land 
they  stole  from  Uncle  Sam,  and  the  places  bear  evi- 
dence to  prove  this  statement. 

Most  of  the  people  landed  at  Guthrie  or  near  about 
there  and  proceeded  to  build  a  town.  Guthrie  was  a 
flag  station  on  April  21st,  1889,  but  before  the  sun 
went  down  on  the  next  day  it  was  a  tented  city  of  be- 
tween ten  and  fifteen  thousand  people  of  all  kinds  and 
descriptions. 

There  was  no  semblance  of  law  or  order  but, 
strange  as  it  may  seem,  there  was  little  lawlessness. 
Later,  however,  after  a  full  set  of  officers  had  been  se- 
lected one  could  not  say  so  much  in  its  favor. 

Some  of  the  white  folks-  soon  moved  on  to  Okla- 
homa City,  and  a  few  other  outlying  villages,  but  a  rem- 
nant of  the  original  civilization  still  remain  and  in- 


58    .  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

habit  the  country  on  the  south  bank  of  the  Cimarron. 
They  are  engaged  in  raising  cotton. 

The  descendants  of  this  first  influx  have  built  sev- 
eral flourishing  little  cities  throughout  the  state. 
Among  them  we  might  mention  Muskogee,  the  home  oi 
Crazy  Snake  and  C.  N.  Haskell;  Tishomingo,  where 
the  wife  of  Bill  Murray  holds  forth  when  he  is  off  at 
Washington;  Tulsa,  made  famous  by  the  Renter  case 
and  the  fact  that  Tate  Brady  and  all  his  friends  down 
there  wear  cotton  sox ;  and  McAlester,  the  home  of  the 
State  prisoners. 

Other  towns,  like  Boley,  Langston,  Dewey  and 
Skiatook,  came  into  prominence  during  the  capital  lo- 
cation fight,  because  they  wanted  the  New  Jerusalem 
located  within  the  city  limits. 

Shawnee  at  one  time  had  the  same  bee  in  her  bon- 
net, but  it  is  not  safe  to  mention  it  in  the  presence  of 
any  of  her  citizens  since  Harve  Maxie  left.  We  will 
give  a  more  detailed  description  of  the  various  towns 
later  on.     (See  appendix.) 

After  a  while  the  country  began  to  settle  up  in 
earnest  and  a  call  was  made  for  a  convention  to  meet 
at  Guthrie  for  the  purpose  of  forming  a  Territorial 
Government.  This  gathering  reminded  one  of  a  Popu- 
list convention  and  it  broke  up  in  a  great  row  because 
every  delegate  wanted  to  be  the  first  Territorial  Gov- 
ernor. 

Two  or  three  other  conventions  were  called  later 
on,  but  the  delegates  finally  gave  up  in  disgust  and 
went  home  after  first  drinking  the  town  dry. 

Some  time  afterwards  they  did  meet  again  in 
earnest  and  drafted  a  memorial  to  Congress.    The  Sec- 


The  Opening  59 

retary  wasn't  much  interested  in  this  Territorial  busi- 
ness and  he  forgot  to  make  a  report  on  it. 

After  about  a  year  President  Harrison  appointed 
George  W.  Steele  Governor  of  Oklahoma  Territory. 
Now,  Steele  was  a  Hoosier  and  the  Oklahoma  folks 
thought  that  they  had  some  one  among  the  home  folks 
who  was  good  enough  to  be  Governor,  therefore  this 
appointment  did  not  give  general  satisfaction,  but  the 
people  had  to  stand  for  it  anyway. 

About  the  only  thing  he  did  of  interest  during  his 
term  was  to  veto  the  Capital  Removal  Bill  that  came 
before  him  that  fall.  Oklahoma  City  never  did  like 
George  after  that.  Later  on  in  this  history  you  will 
find  where  another  First  Governor  of  Oklahoma  failed 
to  veto  a  Capital  Removal  Bill,  anl  thereby  hangs  a  tale. 

Be  it  said  to  George's  credit  that  he  never  did  like 
the  job  of  being  Governor,  so  after  eighteen  months  of 
strife  he  did  the  whole  thing  up  in  a  neat  package  and 
handed  it  to  A.  J.  Seay.  It  was  at  this  time  that 
Dennis  Flynn  came  into  prominence.  We  do  not  know 
whether  this  had  anything  to  do  with  it  or  not,  but  any- 
way Grover  saw  fit  to  remove  the  Governor,  so  he 
paid  him  off  and  hired  W.  C.  Renfrow. 

Renfrow  come  from  Norman,  and  some  time  after 
this  the  State  asylum  was  located  there.  Bill  was  not 
interested  in  this  asylum  business,  however,  for  he 
owned  the  bank.  The  principal  event  during  his  reign 
was  the  opening  of  the  Cherokee  outlet  and  people 
came  from  far  and  near  to  see  the  ''Cherokee  Strip." 
Many  of  them  went  back  home  sorely  disappointed. 

Note  the  sentiment  of  the  times  as  expressed  in 
this  little  poetic  gem.  The  children  used  to  sing  it  to 
the  tune  of  ''After  the  Ball."    Try  it  on  your  piano. 


60  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

''After  the  strip  is  open, 

After  your  money's  all  spent, 
Sorry  I  have  to  leave  you, 

Sorry  I  ever  went. 
Many's  the  sucker'll  be  wailing, 

Many  will  lose  their  grip, 
Many  a  man  will  wish  he's  hung. 

When  coming  from  the  strip." 

This  was  the  first  spasm  of  the  spell,  and  it  is 
hard  to  say  what  would  have  happened  if  there  had 
been  another  spasm.  Some  say  that  McCabe  wrote 
this  song,  but  we  are  not  sure  on  that  point. 

[If  you  do  not  know  who  McCabe  was,  see  appen- 
dix.] 

In  spite  of  all  this  trouble,  Renfrow  held  his  office 
for  the  full  term  of  four  years,  then  C.  M.  Barnes  for 
four  years.  Barnes'  administration  is  responsible  for 
the  oil  find  in  Oklahoma,  and  many  farmers  now  have 
barns  who  had  none  before. 

He  soon  turned  the  business  over  to  W.  M.  Jen- 
kins. This  was  during  the  reign  of  the  ''Big  Stick," 
and  it  fell  heavily  on  Mr.  Jenkins,  and  Teddy  then 
appointed  Mr.  and  Mrs.  T.  B.  Ferguson  as  governor. 

Just  before  this  awhile,  Colonel  Roosevelt  was 
down  in  this  neck  of  the  woods  looking  for  rough  rid- 
ers and  picked  troops  D,  L  and  M  from  Oklahoma  and 
Indian  Territory.  Thus  the  Oklahoma  boys  in  blue 
helped  to  make  a  Governor  of  New  York,  a  President 
of  the  United  States  and  a  "heap"  of  trouble  for  the 
Republican  party  when  the  Bull  Moose  baby  was  born. 
As  it  is  not  our  policy  to  speak  disrespectfully  of  the 
dead,  we  will  say  no  more  about  this  Bull  Moose  baby 
in  this  history. 

During  the  reign  of  the  Fergusons,  Snyder  was 


The  Opening 


61 


visited  by  a  violent  windstorm  that  wiped  tlie  town  al- 
most off  the  map. 


Some  of  the  inhabitants  blamed  this  on  the  Gov- 
ernor and  others  blamed  it  on  the  President,  but  they 
never  proved  it  on  either  of  them  and  they  both  held 
on  to  their  office  longer  than  they  were  expected  to. 
Finally  Frank  Frantz  succeeded  in  jarring  Tom  loose. 

Frank  was  a  Rough  Rider,  but  a  good  fellow  in 
spite  of  it.  He  stuck  to  the  job  until  there  was  noth- 
ing left  to  hold  to. 

After  this  hold  slipped  he  tried  to  be  the  first  real 
Governor  of  Oklahoma,  but  ''nothing* doing"  because 
Frank  was  a  Republican.  I  say  was  because  when  the 
Bull  Moose  baby  was  born  he— But  there,  I  promised 
not  to  say  any  more  about  that  kid. 

During  the  first  few  years  of  Oklahoma  statehood 
the  Republicans  had  no  more  show  of  electing  a  state 


62 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


officer  than  the  proverbial  snow  ball  had  of  not  melt- 
ing.   You  know  very  well  that  was  a  hot  chance. 

Associated  with  Frank  Frantz  was  Amos  Ewing, 


OBLIVION 


While  there's  grip,  there's  hope 


the  best  looking  poker  player  that  ever  came  down  the 
pike.  Charley  Filson  was  secretary  of  state  and  he 
used  to  beg  Frank  for  weeks  to  go  on  a  hunting  trip 
so  that  he  could  be  acting  governor  and  on  such  occa- 
sions he  used  to  swell  up  like  a  poisoned  puppy  and 
pass  us  common  dubs  up  cold. 

We  first  hear  of  Marion  Hughes  about  this  time. 
He  came  to  Oklahoma  when  he  was  younger  and  some- 
what better  looking  than  he  is  now,  but  he  moved  to 
Arkansas  soon  afterwards,  where  he  lived  in  the  sticks 
for  three  years  and  when  he  returned  he  wrote  the 
history  of  his  sojourn  while  there  and  called  the  book 
''Three  Years  in  Arkansas."  He  tried  to  get  this 
book  adopted  by  the  state  for  use  in  the  public  schools 
as  a  guide  for  morals  and  manners,  but  when  the  mat- 
ter came  up  for  consideration  the  Society  for  the  Pre- 


The  Opening  63 

vention  of  Cruelty  voted  against  it  and  it  was  never 
adopted. 

Bird  McGuire  came  to  Oklahoma  in  1895  and  has 
held  office  ever  since.  He  is  the  only  Republican  that 
has  been  able  to  fool  all  the  people  all  the  time.  The 
only  way  to  get  rid  of  him  will  be  to  dispense  with 
the  office. 

Thus  ends  the  story  of  the  Territory  during  the 
eighteen  years  just  prior  to  statehood.  It  is  to  be 
hoped  that  those  who  read  this  story  will  believe  every 
word  of  it,  for  we  are  reminded  right  here  and  now  to 
stop  and  thank  our  friend  John  Golobie  for  his  little 
volume  entitled,  "What  Makes  the  Stink  Bug  Stink." 
Many  of  the  facts  in  the  foregoing  chapter  were  taken 
bodily  from  this  valuable  and  truthful  volume. 

Another  valuable  asset  that  gave  us  a  vast  fund 
of  information  was  Bill  Murray's  pamphlet  on  "Why  is 
a  Nigger." 


Summary 


Governors  of  Oklahoma  Territory. 


Name  Term  Began 

George  W.  Steele.May  15th,  1890 

A.  J.  Seay   Jan.  18,  1892 

W.  C.  Renfrew... May  6,  1893 
C.  M.  Barnes. . .  .  .May  12,  1897 
T.  B.  Ferguson. .  .Nov.  30,  1901 
Frank  Frantz Jan.  10,  1906 


How  Terminated 

Resigned 
Removed 
Resigned 
Term  expired 
Term  expired 
Statehood 


On  the  opposite  page  you  will  find  the  pictures  of 
these  noted  statesmen  as  they  appeared  while  they 
were  acting  as  Governor. 


1 


statehood 

After  fourteen  years  of  turmoil  and  strife,  Con- 
gress finally  passed  what  is  known  as  the  Omnibus 
Bill,  but  it  died  in  infancy.  Some  say  it  was  crowded 
out  by  extreme  pressure  of  business,  and  some  say  it 
was  sold  out,  but  everybody  knows  that  Oklahoma  con- 
tinued to  stay  out. 

In  1905  the  Five  Civilized  Tribes  decided  to  make 
a  state  of  their  own  out  of  the  old  Indian  Territory 
and  ignore  that  part  of  the  world  known  as  Oklahoma 
Territory.  They  intended  to  call  the  new  state  Sequo- 
yah. A  constitution  was  framed  alright,  but  on  the 
day  that  it  came  up  before  the  people  for  ratification 
the  fishing  was  good,  and  many  of  the  voters  could 
not  get  to  the  polls  so  it  failed  to  receive  the  necessary 
number  of  Votes  to  make  it  binding  and  the  whole 
blamed  thing  went  by  default. 

Now,  the  only  thing  that  ever  came  of  this  Se- 
quoyah convention  was  that  it  brought  many  an  un- 
known ''Hill  Billie"  out  of  the  sticks  and  put  him  to 
the  front  politically.     (See  appendix.) 

In  June,  1906,  Congress  passed  an  Enabling  Act 
that  would  allow  the  people  of  both  Indian  Territory 
and  Oklahoma  Territory  to  form  a  constitution  and 
make  application  to  come  into  the  Union  under  one 
head.  As  all  former  constitutions  failed  to  pass  to  the 
third  reading,  there  was  a  little  hesitancy  on  the  part 
of  some  to  undertake  the  job  again. 

Now,  this  Enabling  Act  provided  that  no  booze 
could  be  sold  in  that  part  of  the  country  known  as  In- 
dian Territory  for  twenty-one  years.     This  made  the 


statehood  67 

people  on  the  east  side  so  peeved  that  when  they  got  a 
whack  at  it  they  voted  the  same  hardship  on  the  people 
of  the  west  side;  this  made  Oklahoma  so  dry  that  in 
some  parts  of  the  state  it  hasn't  rained  since. 

There  was  another  clause  in  the  act  locating  the 
capital  at  Guthrie  until  1913.  Now,  as  far  as  the  cap- 
ital was  concerned  it  needed  no  locating,  for  it  had 
been  at  Guthrie  for  some  time,  but  anyway  they  lo- 
cated it,  or  thought  they  did,  but  every  one  with  com- 
mon sense  knows  that  thirteen  is  an  unlucky  number 
and  there  was  more  or  less  contention  on  the  capital 
question  for  some  time. 

There  were  a  few  other  clauses  in  this  Enabling 
Act,  but  no  one  paid  much  attention  to  them  and  they 
have  been  forgotten. 

An  election  was  called  soon  after  this  to  choose 
delegates  to  a  convention  to  write  a  constitution  and 
everybody  wanted  the  job.  Some  of  the  aspirants 
were  sorely  disappointed  after  the  ballots  were 
counted  and  have  never  been  heard  from  since,  while 
the  scattering  few  who  were  successful  were  heard 
from  occasionally  after  they  landed  in  the  convention. 

This  convention  met  in  the  city  hall  at  Guthrie 
and  chose  the  Honorable  William  H.  Murray  of  Tisho- 
mingo as  chairman.  Some  of  the  good  people  of  Okla- 
homa know  him  better  as  Cockle-Burr  Bill,  and  some 
as  Alfalfa  Bill,  but  he  is  the  same  good-natured  Bill 
by  any  other  name.  His  father,  they  claim,  was  a 
noted  Confederate  soldier,  but  during  the  last  few 
years  of  his  life  he  wore  a  Union  Suit.  This  made  no 
difference  with  Bill,  however,  and  he  is  not  a  bit  stuck 
up. 

His  first  official  act  after  he  was  chosen  president 
of  the  convention  was  to  order  a  sign,  which  he  tacked 


68 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


on  the  door  of  the  official  water  closet,  barring  the 
niggers  from  using  it  in  conjunction  with  the  white 
delegates,  especially  those  of  Democratic  faith. 


The  First  Jim  Crow  sign  in  Oklahoma 


The  convention  then  got  down  to  business  and  the 
first  two  or  three  weeks  was  taken  up  in  a  discussion 
as  to  whether  they  should  use  the  words  ''Almighty 
God"  or  ''Supreme  Ruler  of  the  Universe"  in  the  pre- 
amble. After  this  was  finally  settled  they  proceeded  to 
draft  the  Jim  Crow  law  and  a  few  other  clauses ;  also, 
some  good,  some  bad  and  still  others  indifferent  and  it 
is  charged  that  one  of  the  Republican  delegates  voted 
for  the  Jim  Crow  law,  but  he  never  wanted  his  name  to 
be  known  in  the  deal. 

During  the  progress  of  the  work  they  had  many 


statehood 


69 


warm  discussions  and  on  one  particular  occasion  they 
tossed  ink  bottles  back  and  forth  at  each  other.  They 
claim  that  the  trouble  started  when  Haskell  sounded 
the  Fire  Alarm.  Anyway,  Baker  resented  something 
Haskell  said  and  the  big  thing  came  off  right  away. 

Taken  as  a  whole,  though,  they  might  be  consid- 
ered a  very  tame  bunch. 

After  they  completed  their  work  they  sent  it  to 
Teddy  to  sign,  and  put  on  his  stamp  of  approval,  but 
he  pronounced  it  ''punk"  and  said  that  what  his  opinion 
was  would  not  do  to  print. 


VOU    WAKT 
TO   KNOW 
VMHOS^  BOJJ 
STAT^T 

'jOM'tTHlNG' 


Dis — Ousted 


He  signed  it,  anyway;  some  say  that  he  thought 
that  it  would  fail  to  pass  muster  when  it  came  before 
the  people  for  adoption  but  they  put  one  over  on  him 
that  time  and  adopted  it  by  a  large  majority. 

Henry  Asp,  one  of  the  dozen  Republicans  that  had 
no  say  in  the  forming  of  this  constitution,  had  sub- 
mitted a  minority  report  in  lieu  of  the  regular  consti- 
tution, but  this  red  book  did  not  prove  very  popular 
and  he  never  received  much  on  the  royalty  when  it  was 
put  on  the  market. 

The  original  document  was  discussed  pro  and  con, 
and  there  were  many  things  brought  up  both  for  and 


70  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

against  it.  Some  thought  that  it  had  been  hurriedly 
written.  They  argued  that  a  document  of  such  enor- 
mous length  could  hardly  be  properly  written  in  such 
a  short  space  of  time  by  only  one  hundred  Democrats 
and  twelve  Republicans,  but  as  the  members  of  the  con- 
vention had  been  w^orking  overtime,  anyway,  for  sev- 
eral weeks,  without  pay,  they  submitted  it  as  it  was 
and  all  the  Democrats  and  some  of  the  other  people 
voted  for  it  with  the  result  as  above  stated. 

As  the  eastern  part  of  the  State  was  to  be  dry  for 
21  years  anyway,  the  most  important  question  on 
the  western  side  was  prohibition.  Some  thought 
that  it  would  be  better  to  have  it  as  it  had  been,  that 
is,  to  continue  the  open  saloons ;  others  thought  that  it 
would  be  better  to  have  it  as  it  had  been  on  the  east 
side  for  so  many  years  and  let  the  booze  business  con- 
tinue in  the  hands  of  the  bootleggers  and  others  who 
could  secure  a  government  license. 

In  this  way,  they  argued,  we  could  do  away  with 
the  saloon  keeper  who  was  continually  flaunting  his  ill- 
gotten  gains  in  the  face  of  his  poor  unfortunate  neigh- 
bors, and  put  the  business  in  the  hands  of  a  class  of 
individuals  that  were  no  good  to  the  community,  any- 
way. This  would  help  keep  the  jails  and  prisons  full, 
and  besides  it  would  give  a  number  of  citizens  a  good 
chance  to  break  the  law.  When  the  people  wanted  a 
drink  they  could  get  nothing  but  rot-gut  whiskey  or 
hop  ale,  and  this  ought  to  be  enough  to  make  any 
right-minded  citizen  quit  drinking. 

The  country  wide  was  divided  on  the  issue,  those 
in  favor  of  the  saloons  were  dubbed  the  "wets"  and 
were  headed  by  Jake  Weinberger  of  Guthrie  and  the 
brewery  at  Oklahoma  City. 

Those  who  were  in  favor  of  the  bootlegger  propo- 


statehood 


71 


sition   were   called  the   *'drys"   and   were  headed   by 
Carrie  Nation  of  Guthrie  (since  deceased). 

It  was  a  bitter  fight,  but  the  "drys"  won  out, 
and  on  the  night  that  the  drought  went  into 
effect  some  of  the  boys  tried  to  lay  in  a  sup- 
ply that  would  do  them 
during  the  dry  spell  that 
was  slated  for  twenty-one 
years. 

As  soon  as  they  had 
disposed  of  a  part  of  the 
booze  that  was  on  hand, 
they  saw  what  an  enor- 
mous waste  of  liquor 
would  result  if  the  same 
policy  was  continued,  so 
they  created  what  was 
known  as  a  morgue  for 
contraband  liquor.  Some 
of  the  people  dubbed  this 
a  dispensary  because  they 
claimed  that  the  officers 
sent  out  a  few  barrels  to 
the  different  drug  stores 
throughout  the  country 
that  had  secured  a  govern- 
ment license  and  then  pro- 
ceeded to  dispense  with  the  rest  of  it  themselves. 

Thus  after  the  dispensary  employes  had  dis- 
pensed with  the  most  of  the  stuff  in  the  dispensary, 
the  governor  was  asked  to  dispense  with  the  dis- 
pensary, which  he  did,  and  then  in  a  year  or  so  the 
people  dispensed  with  the  governor — and  this  put  an 
end  to  the  dispensary  business,  but  it  had  no  such 
an  effect  on  the  booze  business. 


H ATe  He  T^ 


'It's  no  lie.     I  did  it  with  my 
hatchet" 


72  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

It  has  been  known  to  make  its  appearance  in  some 
localities  at  Christmas  time,  but  as  we  are  not  posted 
on  the  subject  we  will  refrain  from  discussing  it  at 
length  in  this  chapter.     (See  appendix.) 

[Note.  It  is  with  gratitude  that  we  acknowledge 
information  for  the  foregoing  chapter  from  "The 
Chickasaw  Indian  and  Her  Chicks,"  by  Frank  Frantz, 
ex-Governor  of  Oklahoma ;  ''How  We  Get  the  People^s 
Money,"  by  S.  H.  Kress  &  Co.] 


The  First  Legislature 

Charles  N.  Haskell  was  elected  Governor,  defeat- 
ing Frank  Frantz,  the  Republican  nominee,  by  a  large 
majority  (the  reason  has  already  been  given).  He 
made  a  fairly  good  Governor,  but  Guthrie  never  did 
like  him  and  to  this  day  they  are  not  on  very  friendly 
terms.  Some  say  it  is  because  Haskell  never  liked 
Guthrie  on  account  of  the  complexion  of  most  of  the 
Republicans  about  the  time  he  was  elected.  That 
seemed  to  get  on  his  nerves  somewhat  and  he  gave 
the  town  a  dig  every  chance  he  got ;  the  best  chance 
he  ever  got  was  when  the  people  voted  the  capital  to 
Oklahoma  City.  When  the  votes  were  counted  after 
the  capital  location  election  it  was  found  that  Okla- 
homa City  had  received  192,261 ;  Guthrie  31,801,  and 
Shawnee  8,382. 

Haskell  got  in  a  hurry  as  soon  as  he  heard  the 
news  and  moved  his  office  and  the  state  seal  to  Okla- 
homa City. 

The  good  people  of  Guthrie  insisted  that  although 
they  had  lost  the  capital  by  popular  vote,  the  Enabling 
Act  had  designated  the  location  in  their  burg  until 
1913,  and  that  no  difference  what  might  be  voted  by 
the  people,  the  change  could  not  be  made  until  that 
time.  Whether  they  were  right  or  wrong,  the  capital 
was  moved  between  days,  and  for  a  time  a  part  of 
the  offices  were  at  Guthrie  and  the  rest  of  them  at 
Oklahoma  City.  In  time  things  settled  down  some- 
what and  the  entire  state  force  was  moved  to  the  city. 
They  are  still  there,  cooped  up  in  rented  quarters 
in  different  parts  of  the  city  and  the  state  is  still  pay- 


> 

CO 
M 

r 
r 

O 

O 

K 
>— I 

Cfi 

o 
o 


The  First  Legislature 


75 


ing  rent.     You  will  hear  more  of  this  state  capital 
business  later  on. 

The  two  chosen  senators  found  it  necessary  to 
decide  between  themselves  which  should  hold  office 
for  the  short  term  and  which  one  of  the  two  should 
have  the  long  term.  The  decision,  so  we  understand, 
was  left  to  the  length  of  a  straw,  and  as  Gore  could 
not  see  as  well  as  the  other  senator,  he  of  course  got 
the  short  straw  and  the  short  term. 


GORE   GOT   THE 

■' SHORT    T£RW" 

"Heads  I  win;  tails  you  lose" 


It  is  needless  to  say  that  Bob  denies  the  charge. 
Gore  succeeded  in  foohng  the  people,  as  he  says, 
and  was  re-elected  to  succeed  himself. 

He  says  he  would  rather  be  senator  from  Okla- 
homa than  from  any  other  State  in  the  Union,  be- 
cause the  Oklahoma  people  are  the  only  ones  that 
have  the  good  sense  to  send  him  to  Congress. 

He  points  out  the  fact  that  he  has  secured  suf- 
ficient appropriations  to  pay  his  salary  for  more  than 


76  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

a  hundred  years,  and  promises  faithfully  that  he  will 
resign  at  the  end  of  that  time,  or  secure  other  appro- 
priations. 

Some  folks  would  rather  have  him  resign  than 
take  chances  on  him  any  longer. 

The  First  Legislature  extended  over  a  period  of 
five  months.  No  one  remembers  what  they  did  ex- 
cept originate  a  school  book  steal,  and  ever  since  there 
has  been  more  or  less  trouble  w4th  the  people  in 
charge.  A  few  years  ago  they  attempted  to  make 
another  change  in  the  school  books,  and  Bob  Wilson 
put  a  chunk  of  djmamite  under  the  proposition  and 
the  thing  blew  up. 

About  this  time  the  state  was  overrun  with  real 
estate  men.  They  platted  Oklahoma  City  for  thirty 
miles  beyond  civilization  and  sold  the  lots  to  eastern 
speculators  at  fabulous  prices,  and  then  tried  to  fool 
the  people  into  believing  that  they  were  going  to  pool 
the  boodle  and  build  a  capitol  building.  To  those  who 
are  not  well  posted  on  this  issue  we  will  state  that 
they  failed  to  connect,  but  other  arrangements  have 
been  made  and  the  capitol  building  is  well  under  way 
at  this  time.  The  money  is  coming  from  a  different 
source,  however. 

We  must  give  the  real  estate  men  credit  for  one 
thing,  and  that  is,  they  brought  much  capital  into 
Oklahoma  and  allowed  very  little  of  it  to  get  away 
again.  Very  few  of  them  have  ever  dared  to  come 
before  the  people  seeking  office,  but  we  have  it  from 
the  records  that  a  great  many  of  them  get  their  mail 
at  McAlester  since  Statehood,  for  the  term  real  estate 
dealer,  in  Oklahoma,  is  a  synonym  for  grafter,  and 
the  specie  is  not  extinct  at  this  late  date. 


The  First  Legislature 


77 


The  Grandfather  Clause  of  the  Constitution  was 
born  about  this  time,  and  a  great  many  Republican 
voters  were  affected  thereby.  Many  of  them  were 
forced  to  give  up  their  franchise  because  they  could 
neither  read  nor  write  or  because  their  granddaddy 
before  them  had  never  exercised  the  right  of  fran- 
chise. Some  of  the  good  people  of  the  State  contend 
that  this  is  not  right,  while  others  say  that  some  of 
the  white  women  have  just  as  much  voting  sense  as 
a  few  of  the  colored  brothers  who  are  allowed  to  vote. 
The  suffrage  question  is  a  hard  nut  to  crack. 


Back,  female  specie,  how  dare  you  intrude.     "Twenty-three  for  you" 


By  redistricting  the  State  and  disfranchising 
some  of  the  colored  population,  the  Democrats  were 
enabled  to  carry  things  with  a  high  hand  and  to  their 
entire  satisfaction,  but  Oklahoma  continued  to  prosper 
in  spite  of  it. 

Fishing  and  hunting  was  a  favorite  sport  during 
the  First  Legislative  period.  Some  of  the  politicians 
have  been  kept  so  busy  at  this  occupation  that  they 


78 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


have  had  time  for  very  little  else  and  at  times  it  looked 
as  if  the  things  would  go  to  the  bowwows  or  some 
other  seaport,  but  we  have  weathered  the  blast  ana 
the  divorce  mills  have  been  kept  busy  most  of  the 
time,  and  the  high  cost  of  living  has  taken  hold  with  a 
firm  grip,  and  race  suicide  looms  up  in  the  foreground. 

About  this  time  Crazy  Snake  attempted  to  re- 
establish the  old  Creek  customs.  He  and  his  nephew 
each  carried  concealed  weapons  and  were  a  menace  to 
the  peace  and  dignity  of  the  commonwealth. 

This  gave  the  sensational  newspapers  a  chance  to 
fill  their  coffers  with  filthy  lucre  and  they  so  excited 
the  people  back  East  that  they  were  afraid  to  go  to 
bed  at  night  without  covering  up  their  heads. 

Colonel  Roy  Hoffman,  with  something  less  than  a 
million  men,  well  armed  and  equipped  with  all  the  other 

accoutrements  of  war,  was 
hurried  to  the  seat  of  trou- 
ble. He  had  orders  from  the 
Governor  to  surround  Crazy 
Snake  and  his  crazy  nephew 
and  carry  them  off  into  cap- 
tivity. Roy  surrounded  the 
whole  Creek  Nation  and  then 
allowed  the  Crazy  Snakes  to 
crawl  away  unmolested  be- 
fore the  audience  were  fairly 
seated. 

Some  time  after  this  Roy  was  threatened  with  a 
law  suit  by  the  moving  picture  concern  that  was  to 
take  a  picture  of  the  battle  scene. 

Crazy  Snake's  real  name  was  Chitto  Harjo,  but 
he  was  registered  on  the  rolls  as  Wilson  Jones. 

And  thus  the  story  of  Oklahoma  goes  on,  nearly 


eooy 


'Me  for  the  tall  timber" 


The   First  Legislature 


79 


everybody  having  fun  about  the  country  except  the 
people  who  have  to  hve  here.  They  have  been  kept 
so  busy  paying  their  taxes  of  late  that  they  have  had 
very  little  time  for  anything  else,  and  a  part  of  the 
country  has  suffered  thereby. 

In  1907  there  was  a  money  panic,  and 
those     who     had     money     in    the     bank     could     not 

get  it  out,  and  those 
who  had  none  in 
there  made  the  most 
fuss  about  it.  Busi- 
ness conditions  were 
therefore  not  mate- 
rially affected  — 
neither  was  the  au- 
thor. 

Shin  plasters 
were  used  for  money, 
and  the  man  who  had 
a  ten-dollar  bill  had 
to    guard    it    with    a 

"Coin  of  the  Realm"  sliotgun. 

After  the  people  got  reconciled  to  the  way  that 
Haskell  was  running  things  they  settled  down  to  busi- 
ness and  soon  the  country  was  agitating  a  new  set 
of  officers.  The  Constitution  of  Oklahoma  provides 
that  no  Governor  may  succeed  himself,  and  so  the 
honor  is  passed  on  every  four  years. 

Cruce  was  nominated  by  the  Democrats  after  a 
hard-fought  battle  in  the  primaries,  for  to  get  the 
Democratic  nomination  meant  almost  certain  election, 
and  the  Republicans  nominated  Joe  McNeal,  better 
known  as  "Uncle  Joe,"  of  Guthrie. 

Now,  as  we  have  before  stated,  there  were  but 


80 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


very  few  Republicans  left  in  Oklahoma  after  the 
Democrats  got  the  Grandfather  Clause  and  a  few 
other  tricks  to  working  to  their  satisfaction,  and 
Cruce  won  out  by  a  large  majority,  and  it  is  said  on 
good  authority  that  he  made  the  most  ladylike  Gov- 
ernor that  Oklahoma  ever  had. 

Soon  after  the  election  of  Cruce,  several  of  the 
Rough  Riders  visited  Cuba  and  camped  on  the  old 
stamping  ground  where  Teddy  led  his  charge  up  San 
Juan  Hill,  and  they  say  that  the  civilization  of  Cuba 
has  lurched  forward  wonderfully  since  the  boys  in 
blue  visited  it  the  first  time,  and  that  the  American 
soldier  left  his  imprint  on  the  customs,  manners  and 
complexions  of  the  future  generations  of  natives  wher- 
ever the  flag  was  carried. 

In  1910  the  population  of  the  State  was  1,657,155, 
and  taken  as  a  whole  the  Oklahoma  citizens  compare 


"This  world,  and  then  another,  and  then  comes  the  ftreworks" 

favorably  with  those  of  other  States.  Some  try  to 
live  on  their  reputations,  some  try  to  live  cloivn  their 
reputations,  and  some  of  them  try  to  live  up  to  their 
reputations,  while  some  of  them  have  nothing  to  live 


The  First   Legislature  81 

for  at  all,  and  shoot  into  their  heads  to  let  the  trouble 
out.    They  very  seldom  live  to  tell  the  story. 

During  Cruce's  administration  the  country  was 
overrun  with  punch  boards  and  slot  machines.  They 
came  from  far  and  near  and  appeared  in  all  sizes, 
shapes  and  previous  conditions  of  use  and  misuse. 
They  were  to  be  found  on  the  counters  of  every  little 
store  in  every  little  village  and  hamlet  in  the  entire 
State. 

To  work  one  of  these  machines,  known  to  the 
•world  at  large  as  a  slot  machine,  the  citizens,  old  and 
young,  have  their  weekly  pay  checks  changed  into 
nickels,  and  they  then  form  a  circle  around  the  slot 
machine  and  drop  their  nickels  in,  one  at  a  time. 

The  first  man  who  disposes  of  all  his  nickels  is 
considered  out  of  the  game,  and  he  goes  home  to  his 
starving  wife  and  children  and  explains  how  he  was 
held  up  and  robbed.  So  the  game  continues  until 
everybody  has  dropped  in  all  his  nickels,  and  in  time 
the  owner  of  the  slot  machine  becomes  very  rich. 

Those  who  are  crowded  out  punch  on  the  punch 
board,  which  is  a  game  ''after  me  own  heart,''  as  some 
might  say.  Now,  for  the  benefit  of  an  innocent  public, 
I  will  endeavor  to  explain  the  way  in  which  this  punch 
board  game  is  conducted. 

You  take  a  thin  board  about  a  foot  wide  by  two 
feet  long  and  punch  or  bore  a  thousand  holes  in  it, 
about  the  size  of  a  lead  pencil. 

Now,  take  a  piece  of  polkadot  paper  and  paste 
over  the  front,  being  sure  that  the  dot  on  the  paper 
comes  directly  over  a  hole  in  the  board.  From  the 
back  you  stick  in  a  few  numbers  in  some  of  the  holes, 
and  then  fill  the  rest  of  the  holes  with  blank  pieces 
of  paper. 


82  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

Cover  the  back  with  a  piece  of  blank  paper. 

To  play  the  board,  the  victim  walks  up  to  the 
proprietor  of  the  establishment  and  plunks  down  a 
dollar,  and  then  he  literally  punches  the  stuffing  out 
of  ten  of  the  holes.  Then,  if  he  has  another  dollar, 
he  punches  out  ten  more  holes,  and  so  he  continues 
until  all  his  money  is  gone. 

After  awhile  the  next  sucker  arrives  on  the  scene 
and  punches  out  a  number  that  wins  a  lead  pencil, 
and  he  then  gives  his  place  to  another  who  is  attracted 
by  his  good  fortune.  This  guy  plunks  down  a  thin- 
dime  and  pokes  out  the  number  that  wins  the  Septem- 
ber Morn  pennant  the  first  crack.  He  is  considered 
a  lucky  dog,  and  is  forced  to  stand  treats  to  all  the 
boys  in  the  house.  The  punching  is  then  in  full  blast 
and  the  game  continues  until  some  one  punches  out 
the  number  that  wins  the  Ingersoll  watch,  and  every- 
body goes  home  for  the  night. 

This  was  one  of  the  greatest  sports  known  to  the 
inhabitants  along  about  this  time,  but  the  Governor 
ordered  all  the  above  mentioned  contrivances  hid 
under  the  counters  during  the  time  that  the  grand 
jury  was  in  session,  but  they  were  brought  out  again 
as  soon  as  that  scare  was  over,  and,  as  the  old  saying 
is,  **The  old  world  still  wags." 

Early  in  1914  the  dancing  craze  broke  loose  in  the 
State,  and  in  a  very  short  time  nearly  the  entire  com- 
monwealth w^as  exposed  to  the  tango  bug.  It  looked 
for  awhile  as  if  he  had  bitten  the  entire  population. 

The  artist  was  very  fortunate  in  getting  a  snap- 
shot of  one  of  the  modern  ballrooms  last  Christmas, 
and  we  give  you  the  results  of  the  exposure  without 
comment. 


84  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

When  the  Mexican  war  was  just  getting  well 
under  way  the  Universal  Peace  Commission  had  a 
heated  discussion  in  the  Eastern  Hemisphere  and  de- 
clared a  universal  war. 

This  war  did  not  affect  the  people  of  Oklahoma 
directly,  as  few  of  them  were  drafted,  but  oil  had  gone 
down  without  any  apparent  reason,  and  this  war 
business  gave  the  ''Standard"  and  its  allies  the  excuse 
they  were  looking  for,  and  they  immediately  laid  the 
price  reduction  at  the  door  of  the  Eastern  War  De- 
partment. 

Cotton  was  almost  unsalable,  and  cotton  socks 
were  a  mark  of  distinction,  for,  "buy  a  bale  of  cotton 
and  make  it  into  socks"  was  the  cry  of  our  friend,  Tate 
Brady,  and  in  every  little  village  in  the  State  cotton 
clubs  were  organized  to  keep  the  people  from  selling 
for  less  than  ten  cents. 

This  war  had  a  different  effect  on  sugar  and  other 
articles  of  food.  Sugar  had  been  selling  at  twenty 
pounds  for  a  dollar,  but  it  went  to  ten  cents  straight; 
beans  sold  by  the  dozen,  and  onions  by  the  smell. 

The  hens  got  peeved  at  something  the  people  said 
about  them  and  refused  to  bear  fruit,  and  in  a  short 
time  eggs  were  served  for  dessert,  but  only  at  the 
highest  priced  cafes.  At  most  houses  grub  was  scarce, 
and  clothing  thin,  but,  strange  as  it  may  seem,  at  som.e 
of  the  highest  toned  places  the  clothing  was  the 
thinnest. 

What  it  was  all  about  was  the  question,  and  we 
have  solved  it  in  this  way:  The  first  thing  was  that 
a  Servian  Socialist  got  drunk  and  killed  an  Austrian 
nobleman  and  his  escort  (or  maybe  it  was  his  con- 
sort) ;  anyway,  it  was  some  sort. 

Austria  then  got  hot  under  the  collar  over  the 
incident  and  said  to  Servia: 


The  First  Legislature  85 

"See  here,  now,  we  don't  want  any  of  that  rough 
stuff.  I  want  to  be  a  father  to  you.  Come  into  the 
woodshed.'' 

Russia  was  peeking  through  the  fence  when  she 
heard  the  conversation,  and  seeing  what  was  going  on, 
said  to  Austria: 

"Don't  you  dare  touch  that  ch-ei-ld;  he's  my  kid, 
and,  anyway,  you'd  make  a  hell  of  a  lookin'  daddy." 

"You've  got  another  think  a-coming,"  answered 
Austria.  "I  don't  like  the  color  of  your  eyes,  any- 
how, and  your  feet  don't  track  besides,  and  I  can  lick 
you  with  one  hand  tied." 

"Bully  boy!"  says  Wilhelm  to  Austria.  "If  you 
can't  lick  him  I  can,  and,  by  gosh,  I'll  do  it.  I  can 
lick  anybody;  I  can  lick  everybody.  We'll  take  him 
on  together."  So  Germany  slips  up  on  France  when 
she  ain't  looking  and  lands  with  both  feet  in  the  middle 
of  Belgium. 

"Get  off'n  my  belly,"  says  Belgium,  "or  I'll  bite 
your  leg  off!" 

"Ouch!"  says  Germany,  "but  I'll  get  off  when  I 
get  ready." 

"That's  not  fair,"  said  France.  "Take  that,  you 
slob!"  handing  Germany  a  hot  one  on  the  snout. 

"I  hate  a  scrap,"  says  England,  "but  I  can  smash 
the  jaw  of  the  guy  that  slaps  my  friend." 

"You  don't  hate  it  worser  nor  I  do,"  says  Japan, 
as  she  squares  off  for  a  hand  in  the  game. 

"Well,  I  guess  you  started  it,  anyhow,"  says  Wil- 
helm to  Nick. 

Just  then  everybody  begins  to  yell :  "You  started 
it  yourself,"  and  each  one  sticks  out  his  tongue  at  the 
other  fellow  and  they  all  clinch,  and  the  little  fellows 
begin  to  dance  around  watching  for  a  chance  to  get 


86 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


in  a  punch  and  run,  and  that  is  what  started  all  the 
trouble. 


By  gosh,  I  believe  that's  the  right  dope 


Taken  altogether,  Cruce's  administration  was  a 
thoroughly  upright  and  honest  one,  so  far  as  it  was 
possible  for  it  to  be,  after  his  party  had  drifted  into 
corruptness  owing  to  the  "security  in  office"  slogan 
that  hacl  been  adopted  soon  after  Statehood.  His 
platform  was  useful  in  helping  the  partj^  to  get 
aboard,  but  was  of  no  use  after  they  landed  a  seat. 

In  the  spring  of  1914  a  terrible  calamity  was  nar- 
rowly averted  when  a  bunch  of  Oklahoma  horse 
traders  broke  loose  in  Tulsa  and  wanted  to  bet  on  a 
horse  race  that  was  going  to  be  pulled  off  one  day. 
The  Governor  sent  out  almost  the  entire  militia  force 
of  the  State  to  prevent  pulling  off  any  stunts 
like  that.  His  brave  soldiers  in  blazing  uniforms  and 
well  oiled  carbines  prevented  the  horrible  disaster 
without  losing  a  single  man.  Many  a  good  old  deacon 
praised  the  Governor  for  his  manly  stand,  while  they 
drank  his  health  to  the  tune  of  bootleg  whiskey. 

In  the  fall  of  the  same  year  about  a  dozen  of 
Oklahoma's  most  prominent  citizens  decided  that  they 
would  enter  the  race  for  the  Governorship.  The  con- 
test in  the  primaries  was  very  close.  Mud  slinging 
was  a  favorite  pastime  among  the  Democrats,  and  it 
is  said  upon  good  authority  that  all  classes  of  people 


The  First  Legislature 


87 


were  represented  among  the  candidates.  Bankers, 
lawj^ers,  farmers,  train  robbers  and  old  bachelors. 
Each  of  them  promising,  if  nominated,  to  carry  the 
banner  of  Democracy  to  victory.  The  Honorable 
Robert  L.  Williams  was  the  successful  candidate. 

In  the  fall  election  he  won  over  the  Republican 
candidate  by  a  somewhat  smaller  majority  than  the 
former  Democratic  candidates  on  previous  occasions 
of  this  character;  but,  however  small  the  majority, 
''Our  Bob"  was  successful. 

On  January  5,  1915,  the  Fifth  Legislature  of 
Vie  State  of  Oklahoma  convened  in  Oklahoma 
City,  with  the  Hon.  M.  E.  Trapp  presiding  in 
the     Senate     after     January     12.        On     that     day 

"Our  Bob"  was  presid- 
ing in  the  "Old  School 
House,"  then  used  for 
the  Governor's  office,  in 
the  absence  of  the  prom- 
ised capitol  building. 

The  results  of  this 
administration  can  not 
be  determined  at  this 
time,  but  we  predict 
that  he  will  be  at  least 
the  third  best  Governor 
that  the  State  of  Okla- 
homa ever  had.  On  this 
topic  it  is  time  for  us  to 
shut  up,  so  we  will  close 
this  chapter.  Let  us 
raise  pur  voices  in 
praise  of  Oklahoma  and 
its  future. 


EVEN   WHEN    BOT    A     I3AQ^ 

"The  voiceithat  raised  father' 


Summary 


Prosperity  attracted  no  attention  whatever  during 
the  fore  part  of  1914;  oil  had  gone  from  42  cents  to 
more  than  a  dollar  per  barrel.  Wheat  and  corn 
brought  a  good  price,  and  cotton  soared  far  above  the 
high-water  mark. 

Rot-gut  whiskey  sold  for  a  dollar  a  pint  and  hard 
to  get  at  that.  Blue  Ribbon  was  worth  35  cents 
a  pint,  and,  on  the  whole,  everything  was  booming. 

Race  suicide  had  been  almost  entirely  wiped  out 
in  some  localities,  and  babies  were  ''still  born." 


A  grist  from  the  divorce  mill 


The  divorce  evil  was  fast  becoming  a  thing  of 
the  past,  but  there  were  a  few  more  that  should  have 
been  issued,  and  in  time  they  will  be. 


Summary  89 

Crime  had  been  dealt  a  crushing  blow  by  the 
strong  arm  of  the  law,  but  it  had  survived  the  on- 
slaught and  bid  fair  to  break  out  in  a  new  place  worse 
than  ever.  The  country  wide  was  soon  awakened  to 
the  fact,  however,  that  the  high  cost  of  living  was  a 
serious  proposition,  and  then  the  fall  election  and  the 
war  in  Europe  landed  ail  at  once  and  at  the  same  time. 
The  outcome  has  been  verj^  disastrous  to  many. 

[Note.  It  is  with  heartfelt  sympathy  that  we  in- 
form the  reader  that  a  part  of  this  chapter  was  taken 
bodily  from  ''The  Ways  of  the  Tumblebug,"  by  A.  S. 
Koonce  of  Bartlesville,  Oklahoma.  The  rest  of  the 
chapter  was  taken  from  a  little  pamphlet  entitled 
'The  Hen  and  Her  Husband,"  by  T.  A.  Latta  of  the 
Oklahoma  City  Times.] 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History 

ADAIR. 

Adair  County  was  named  after  an  old  Cherokee 
family.  Stillwell  used  to  be  the  county  seat,  and  the 
first  county  weigher  was  the  Honorable  J.  B.  Johnson ; 
he  was  a  good  democrat  and  may  be  yet  and  if  he  had 
not  been,  he  could  never  have  been  elected. 

In  1907  the  county  seat  was  changed  to  Westville. 
We  forgot  to  mention  that  J.  B.  Johnson  was  also 
County  Superintendent.  We  are  not  sure  whether  the 
two  offices  were  one  and  the  same  or  not,  but  will  in- 
vestigate and  report  in  the  appendix,  but  some  folks 
say  that  we  had  better  cut  out  the  appendix. 

ALFALFA. 

Alfalfa  County  was  named  in  honor  of  a  weed  of 
the  same  name,  and  it  is  hinted  that  this  weed  was  dis- 
covered by  a  prominent  statesman  of  Oklahoma  who 
afterwards  bore  the  name. 

There  is  another  county  in  the  State  named  Mur- 
ray, or  this  history  would  no  doubt  relate  that  this 
county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  president  of  the 
Constitutional  Convention. 

Cherokee  is  the  county  seat  and  the  seat  of  intelli- 
gence is  in  the  office  of  the  Cherokee  Republican. 

ATOKA. 

Atoka  County  was  named  after  Captain  Atoka,  a 
full  blood  Choctaw.  Their  principal  crops  are  coal  and 
asphalt,  but  they  have  no  paved  streets  and  the  citi- 
zens burn  wood.    They  had  a  hotel  there  at  one  time, 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  91 

but  the  bedbugs  carried  it  away,  and  then  they  built 
another  near  the  depot  and  this  one  has  proved  much 
better. 

BEAVER. 

Beaver  County  was  originally  a  part  of  *'No  Man's 
Land."  Beaver  is  the  county  seat,  named  after  Beaver 
Creek,  which  in  turn  was  named  so  from  the  fact  that 
there  never  was  a  beaver  in  that  part  of  the  country 
and  some  feeble  minded  citizen,  desiring  to  perpetuate 
the  name,  called  it  Beaver  Creek. 

It  is  said  that  some  of  the  people  who  live  in  Bea- 
ver County  have  to  work  like  beavers  to  make  a  living. 

BECKHAM. 

Sayre  is  the  county  seat  of  Beckham  County.. 

The  county  was  named  in  honor  of  a  Kentucky 
Governor  and  since  then  the  county  has  always  gone 
Democratic.  The  old  Governor  has  never  visited  his 
namesake  since  prohibition  went  into  effect. 

BLAINE. 

Watonga  is  the  county  seat  and  the  home  of  Ex- 
Governor  T.  B.  Ferguson.  It  was  named  in  honor  of 
James  G.  Blaine,  and  the  records  show  that  he. died  a 
short  time  afterwards.  His  heirs  never  instituted  a 
damage  suit,  and  the  county  still  prospers. 

Whether  or  not  this  had  anything  to  do  with  Mr. 
Blaine's  demise,  was  never  threshed  out  by  the  courts. 

BRYAN. 

Durant  is  the  county  seat.  Some  say  this  county 
was  named  after  a  noted  Nebraska  lecturer  who  would 
rather  talk  than  eat. 

Durant  is  not  a  healthful  place  for  the  descendants 
of  the  African  civilization  of  ''befo  de  wah"  times  and 


92  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

the  republicans  are  all  lily-white.     Once  upon  a  time 
— But  there,  we  promised  not  to  mention  it. 

CADDO. 

Anadarko  is  the  county  seat  of  this  thriving  little 
community  and  Nettie  Daniels,  a  good  Democrat — al- 
though she  never  voted  the  Democratic  ticket — was  the 
first  County  Superintendent  after  statehood. 

The  people  of  Caddo  County  are  mostly  farmers 
and  the  country  is  therefore  ccmparatively  wealthy, 
and  is  noted  for  its  honesty. 

CANADIAN. 

El  Reno  is  the  county  seat.  The  whole  country  is 
watered  by  the  Canadian  river,  and  at  times  the  people 
suffer  terribly  for  want  of  pure  water.  Clyde  Mathews 
used  to  be  Register  of  Deeds,  but  he  has  a  better  job 
now. 

CARTER. 

Ardmore  is  the  capital. 

The  county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  father  of 
the  Diamond  X  Ranch  of  the  Chickasaw  nation  many 
years  before  this. 

The  home  of  the  Ringling  Brothers'  Circus  in  win- 
ter is  located  near  here,  which  helps  to  keep  the  town 
on  the  map.  At  one  time  Governor  Cruce  claimed  this 
town  as  his  residence. 

CHEROKEE. 

Tahlequah  is  the  county  seat.  It  was  for  a  long- 
time the  old  Indian  capital,  but  the  white  folks  be- 
sieged it  many  years  ago  and  have  now  taken  it. 

The  county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  Indian 
tribe  that  inhabited  the  country  for  years. 


n 


Counties  ajid  County  Seat  History  93 

The  "Cherokee  Advocate"  was  born  here  many 
years  ago. 

CHOCTAW. 
Hugo,  the  county  seat,  has  had  a  strenuous  time 
keeping  this  distinction,  but  at  last  reports  all  was 
quiet  along  the  border. 

The  county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  Indian 
tribe  of  the  same  name. 

CIMARRON. 

Boise  City  is  the  county  seat. 

Cimarron  county  is  the  very  west-most  part  of 
Oklahoma,  and  was  the  last  slice  taken  from  "No 
Man's  Land."  Gold  mining  has  never  been  one  of  the 
principal  businesses. 

The  farmers  raise  a  few  cattle,  but  like  their 
neighbors  of  Beaver  county,  they  wish  it  had  been  left 
as  "No  Man's  Land,"  but  it  is  too  late  to  kick  now. 

CLEVELAND. 

This  county  was  named  after  Grover.  Norman  is 
the  county  seat,  and  the  State  Asylum  and  the  State 
University  are  both  located  there.  Thus  Cleveland 
county  is  well  equipped  to  take  care  of  its  population, 
both  young  and  old. 

COAL. 

Coalgate  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  derives  its  name  from  a  dark  colored 
substance  resembling  coal  that  is  shipped  out  from. 
Coalgate  by  the  train  loads. 

Most  of  this  mineral  is  sent  out  of  the  State  and 
sold  at  an  enormous  price,  after  the  long  and  short 
freight  haul  is  added  to  the  cost  of  production. 


94  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

This  coal  could  be  used  in  Oklahoma;  in  fact  it  is 
needed  here,  but  the  Interstate  Commerce  Commission 
has  made  it  almost  impossible  to  deliver  this  coal 
within  the  limits  of  the  State. 

COMANCHE. 

Lawton  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  by  congress,  and  as  the 
county  is  well  adapted  to  stock  raising,  you  will  find  a 
few  of  the  citizens  are  w^hat  folks  back  east  call  "cow- 
punchers."  They  are  tame  now  and  might  be  consid- 
ered trusties. 

Fort  Sill  is  located  near  here  and  has  been  the 
home  of  old  Geronimo  for  many  years,  but  he  died 
some  time  ago  and  the  old  timers  who  used  to  know 
him  in  his  boyhood  are  resting  easier.  ■, 

CRAIG. 

Vinita  is  the  county  seat. 

Craig  County  was  named  in  honor  of  a  rich  banker 
of  McAlester  and  it  takes  after  its  namesake,  in  that 
it  is  one  of  the  richest  counties  from  a  farming  stand- 
point in  that  part  of  the  State. 

CREEK. 

Sapulpa  is  the  county  seat;  commonly  pronounced 
Sap-a-lou. 

This  county  was  first  named  Moman,  in  honor  of 
Moman  Pruitt,  a  lawyer  of  Oklahoma  City,  but  some 
folks  got  sore  at  him  over  some  trivial  matter  and  had 
the  name  changed.  Moman  Pruitt  has  never  con- 
sented to  live  in  the  county  since  and  the  community 
has  suffered  thereby. 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  95 

CUSTER. 
Arapaho  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  General  Custer,  and 
the  Republicans  elected  a  man  by  the  name  of  Smith 
as  county  weigher  in  1907.  His  principal  business  was 
to  weigh  kaffir  corn  and  sorghum,  the  main  crops  of 
this  locality. 

DELAWARE. 

Jay  is  the  county  seat;  at  least  it  was  on  the  day 
this  chapter  was  written,  but  we  will  not  vouch  for 
the  truth  of  the  statement  now. 

Civil  war  broke  out  in  that  territory  a  few  years 
ago,  and  for  a  time  it  looked  as  if  the  whole  country 
would  be  involved,  but  after  the  Mexican  war  broke  out 
the  attention  of  the  warring  element  was  attracted  in 
that  direction,  and  in  time  the  old  Jay  and  new  Jay 
county  seat  troubles  were  forgotten,  but  it  is  expected 
to  break  out  again  in  a  new  place  any  time. 

Grove  claimed  the  honor  of  holding  the  seat 
of  government  during  the  year  1907. 

DEWEY. 

Taloga  is  the  county  seat  and  principal  seaport. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  hero  of  Manila 
Bay  and  there  is  a  town  in  Oklahoma  that  bears  the 
same  distinction.     For  particulars,  see  the  appendix. 

ELLIS. 

Arnett  was  the  first  county  seat,  but  was  later 
changed  to  Grand,  where  it  still  remains. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  second  vice  presi- 
dent of  the  convention  and  from  the  last  reports  he 
was  still  boasting  about  it. 


96  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

GARFIELD. 

Enid  is  the  capital  and  a  right  smart  little  village. 

A  Republican  by  the  name  of  Winfield  Scott  was 
the  first  county  judge.  We  are  not  sure  whether  this 
is  the  same  Scott  who  won  renown  in  the  Mexican  war, 
but  will  investigate  and  report  in  the  appendix. 

GARVIN. 

Pauls  Valley  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  an  old  freighter,  but 
there  is  a  railroad  or  two  there  now  and  freighters  are 
no  longer  tolerated. 

Freight  has  been  delayed  to  a  certain  extent,  how- 
ever, since  the  Oklahoma  Central  took  charge,  and 
some  of  the  merchants  long  for  the  good  old  freight- 
ing days,  when  goods  always  arrived  on  time  unless 
they  were  captured  by  the  Indians. 

GRADY. 

Chickasha  is  the  county  seat  and  Bob  Wilson,  our 
present  State  Superintendent  of  Public  Instruction, 
came  from  this  burg. 

Chickasha  has  been  so  dead  for  the  past  few  years 
that  we  were  unable  to  find  anything  of  interest  to  re- 
late at  this  time.  The  Girls  School  is  located  there  and 
since  that  time  the  town  has  been  very  pious. 

GRANT. 

Medford  is  the  capital. 

Many  people  gathered  here  at  the  opening  of  the 
Cherokee  outlet  and  it  was  here  that  many  of  the 
Cherokees  got  stripped.  This  happened  many  years 
ago,  and  they  have  recovered  somewhat  of  late  and 
are  about  as  well  dressed  as  any  of  their  neighbors. 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  97 

GREER. 

Mangum  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  has  a  history  that  is  unique  and 
little  in  common  with  other  counties  of  the  State. 

In  the  treaty  of  1819  with  Spain  the  Red  River 
was  made  the  boundary  between  the  Spanish  posses- 
sions and  the  United  States.  Texas  became  an  inde- 
pendent nation  in  1863. 

If  Frank  Greer  had  been  born  at  this  time,  we 
would  contend  that  this  county  had  been  named  in  his 
honor,  but  he  wasn't. 

Now  the  old  nesters  that  drew  up  this  agreement 
failed  to  state  which  branch  of  the  Red  River  was  in- 
tended and  the  trouble  was  finally  carried  to  the  Su- 
preme Court  and  in  the  course  of  something  like  sev- 
enty-five years  it  was  finally  decided  that  this  portion 
of  the  world  known  as  Greer  county  belonged  to  the 
United  States. 

The  principal  crops  are  gypsum  and  gyp  water; 
some  stock  and  horned  toads  are  raised  and  a  few  of 
the  general  farm  products  are  planted  each  year. 

HARMON. 

Hollis  is  the  county  seat. 

This  is  a  slice  of  the  old  original  Greer  county  and 
the  same  history  applies. 

HARPER.      ' 

Buffalo  is  the  capital.  No  doubt  named  after  a  buf- 
falo that  was  seen  there  once  upon  a  time  before  Paw- 
nee Bill  cornered  the  market. 

The  county  was  named  after  a  clerk  of  the  consti- 
tutional convention.  We  do  not  know  how  much  it  cost 
him,  if  anything,  but  will  investigate  and  report  in  the 
appendix. 


98  Comic  Histoi^y  of  Oklahoma 

HASKELL. 

Stigler  is  the  county  seat. 

Everybody  knows  who  this  county  was  named 
after,  but  as  we  want  to  sell  some  of  these  histories  in 
Guthrie,  we  will  not  say  anything  about  it  right  now. 

HUGHES. 

Holdenville  is  the  county  seat. 

We  believe  that  this  county  was  named  after  W.  C. 
Plughes,  a  lawyer  of  Oklahoma  City,  but  some  people 
claimed  it  was  named  after  Marion. 

The  county  is  watered  during  the  rainy  season  by 
the  Canadian  River,  but  during  the  dry  season  the  peo- 
ple haul  their  water  in  barrels. 

JACKSON. 

Altus  is  the  county  seat. 

This  is  another  slice  of  old  Greer  county  and  was 
named  after  Stonewall  Jackson.  History  fails  to  state 
whether  it  was  named  for  his  nickname  or  his  real 
name.  At  any  rate  stone  is  found  here  in  paying  quan- 
tities. 

JEFFERSON. 

Waurika  was  the  county  seat,  and  she  still  wants 
it,  but  Ryan  claims  that  distinction  at  the  present  writ- 
ing; however,  it  is  very  uncertain,  to  hear  Waurika 
tell  it. 

We  are  of  the  opinion  that  this  county  was  named 
Jefferson  because  all  the  citizens  were  in  favor 
of  the  constitution  that  was  written  by  a  man  of  that 
name  many  years  ago. 

JOHNSTON. 
Tishomingo  is  the  capital,  the  home  of  Bill  Mur- 


Counties  and  Comity  Seat  History  99 

ray,  who  helped  put  the  Jim  Crow  Law  in  the  constitu- 
tion of  Oklahoma,  but  never  was  elected  governor. 

Johnston  county  raises  more  cockle  burrs  than  any 
other  county  in  the  State. 

KAY. 

Newkirk  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  eleventh 
letter  of  the  alphabet  and  was  originally  spelled  '*K." 

Later  on,  after  the  N.  E.  A.  met  and  modified  the 
English  spelling,  it  was  changed  to  K-A-Y. 

KINGFISHER. 

Kingfisher  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  town,  and  the 
town  was  named  after  a  stream  and  the  stream  was 
named  after  a  bird,  and  it  is  hinted  that  Noah  gave  the 
name  to  the  bird,  therefore  the  history  of  this  county 
dates  away  back,  but  space  forbids  a  full  discussion  at 
this  time.     (See  Appendix). 

KIOWA. 

Hobart  is  the  county  seat. 

J.  L.  Burk  was  at  one  time  the  coroner,  but  it  is 
such  a  healthful  place  that  he  has  never  had  much  to 
do,  and  they  claim  that  it  is  almost  impossible  to  raise 
a  disturbance  with  a  six-shooter  and  a  bottle  of  booze. 

LATIMER. 

Wilburton  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  Jim  Latimer,  who 
made  himself  famous  in  the  constitutional  convention. 

LE  FLORE. 

Poteau  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  in  honor  of  a  mixed  blood 
Choctaw. 


100  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

The  county  is  exceptionally  mountainous,  and  we 
were  therefore  unable  to  gather  much  of  its  history. 

LINCOLN. 

Chandler  is  the  county  seat.  This  is  the  home  of 
J.  B.  A.  Robertson,  who  was  a  candidate  before  the 
Democratic  primaries  for  governor  in  1914.  He  was 
defeated  by  Bob  Williams. 

LOGAN. 

Guthrie  is  the  capital  (of  the  county).  It  was  at 
one  time  the  capital  of  Oklahoma,  but  during  the  reign 
of  Haskell  the  capital  was  moved  very  suddenly,  three 
years  before  Uncle  Sam  intended  to  make  the  transfer. 

The  capital  is  no  longer  in  this  county,  but  is  lo- 
cated, at  Oklahoma  City,  near  where  the  State  is  build- 
ing a  statehouse  and  will  quit  paying  rent. 

LOVE. 

Marietta  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  Bob  Love,  but  Jack 
contests  the  claim  at  times. 

McLAIN. 

Purcell  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  Charley  McLain,  who 
was  a  member  of  the  constitutional  convention  from 
that  neck  of  the  woods. 

McCURTAIN. 
Idabel  is  the  county  seat. 

History  tells  us  that  sixty  percent  of  the  county  is 
mountainous  and  hilly  and  that  ninety-five  percent  of 
it  is  forest  land,  while  but  five  percent  of  the  tillable 


Counties  and  Coimty  Seat  History  101 

land  is  in  cultivation.     Some  history.    The  people  live 
on  dried  grasshoppers. 

McINTOSH. 

Eufaula  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  vv^as  named  after  the  old  chief  by  this 
name ;  he  signed  the  treaty  that  moved  the  Indians  to 
this  country  and  was  never  very  popular  afterwards. 

One  of  the  old  bucks  cracked  him  on  the  bean,  and 
thus  appeased  his  own  wrath  somewhat. 

MAJOR. 

Fairview  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  their  representative 
in  the  constitutional  convention. 

MARSHALL. 

Madill  is  the  county  seat. 

It  was  named  after  Justice  Marshall.  At  one  time 
he  made  a  decision  that  'The  Indian  Nation  has  rights 
with  which  no  State  can  interfere."  It  seems  as  if  this 
decision  was  reversed  afterwards. 

MAYES. 

Pryor  Creek  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  a  noted  Indian  chief 
and  Miss  Archer  was  the  first  county  superintendent. 
As  she  was  an  archer  herself,  Cupid  had  a  hard  time 
trying  to  outdo  her. 

MURRAY. 

Sulphur  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  in  honor  of  the  president 
of  the  constitutional  convention,  and  the  town  of  Sul- 


102  Coynic  History  of  Oklahoma 

phur  is  a  noted  health  resort  where  Oklahoma  Charlie 
spent  his  declining  years. 

The  people  were  at  one  time  engaged  in  raising 
alligators. 

MUSKOGEE. 

Muskogee  is  the  county  seat,' the  home  of  Crazy 
Snake  and  Charles  N.  Haskell. 

The  word  means  ''Low  Land  Dwellers,"  and  Led- 
better,  the  present  sheriff  of  the  county,  chased  Al 
Jennings,  the  noted  outlaw,  all  over  these  low-lands 
before  he  captured  him. 

Afterwards  this  same  Al  Jennings  made  the  race 
for  the  nomination  for  Governor  against  the  present 
governor,  Bob  Williams,  but  nothing'  ever  came  of  it. 

NOBLE. 

Perry  is  the  county  seat. 

Perry  is  surrounded  by  a  fine  farming  country  and 
is  known  far  and  wide  for  the  honesty  of  the  people, 
due  no  doubt  to  the  overruling  majority  of  farmers  in 
that  district. 

NOWATA. 

Nowata  is  the  county  seat ;  the  name  signifies  wel- 
come, and  any  sojourner  is  welcome  to  all  he  can 
make  off  of  a  Nowata  citizen. 

OKFUSKEE. 

Okemah  is  the  county  seat,  and  has  no  history  to 
relate. 

OKLAHOMA. 

Oklahoma  is  the  county  seat. 

This  town  is  situated  on  the  Canadian  between 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  103 

Shawnee  and  El  Reno,  and  is  known  far  and  wide  as 
the  best  boomed  town  in  the  State.  Few  people  of 
prominence  have  ever  lived  there,  to  hear  Guthrie  tell 
it,  but  many  have  gone  there  at  various  times  to  trans- 
act business.  Al  Jennings  claims  to  have  been  elected 
to  some  high  office  there  at  one  time,  but  he  claims 
that  they  counted  him  out. 

We  are  not  sure  about  this,  but  will  look  it  up  and 
report. 

OKMULGEE. 

Okmulgee  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  city,  which  was 
in  turn  named  after  a  stream  in  Alabama,  which  in 
the  language  of  the  natives  signifies  ''Boiling  Water." 
This  perhaps  meant  'Tire  Water."  Anyhow,  any  one 
can  have  a  hot  time  in  Okmulgee. 

OSAGE. 

Pawhuska  is  the  county  seat. 

It  is  the  largest  county  in  the  State  and  the  total 
wealth  of  the  natives  far  surpasses  any  other  county. 

Pawhuska  is  known  far  and  wide,  in  story  and 
song,  as  the  home  of  John  Stink. 

OTTAWA. 

Miami  is  the  county  seat. 

Zinc  and  Jack  are  the  leading  products  and  many 
a  poor  sucker  has  dropped  his  wad  there,  but  a  few 
still  survive  and  are  making  money  there.  Among 
them  we  might  mention  Jim  Maybon,  formerly  of 
Guthrie. 

PAWNEE. 
.  Pawnee  is  the  county  seat. 


104  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

This  is  the  home  of  Pawnee  Bill,  and  here  we  find 
the  fin(?st  herd  of  buffalo  now  in  existence,  but  few 
hunters  are  ever  allowed  on  the  premises. 

PAYNE. 

Stillwater  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  in  honor  of  David  L. 
Payne,  as  he  is  supposed  to  have  made  the  first  settle- 
ment. 

If  Payne  had  lived  to  be  Governor  of  Oklahoma, 
they  would  not  have  named  this  county  after  him. 

PITTSBURG. 

McAlester  is  the  county  seat.  Here  we  find  the 
home  of  the  State  prisoners  and  also  the  founder  of 
the  town,  J.  J.  McAlester,  who  trades  in  diamonds  and 
gold  at  various  times  and  has  a  large  interest  in  one 
of  the  best  banks  there. 

North  and  South  McAlester  were  united  in  mar- 
riage recently  and  they  are  now  spoken  of  as  one  city. 

PONTOTOC. 

Ada  is  the  county  seat  and  in  an  old  barn  back  of 
the  hotel  several  years  ago  the  people — wait  a  minute 
— nothing  doing. 

POTTAWATOMIE. 

Tecumseh  is  the  county  seat,  but  we  have  failed  to 
find  anything  of  interest  in  Tecumseh.  We  might 
mention  that  there  was  once  a  great  chief  by  that 
name.    He  died  or  got  killed,  I  forget. 

PUSHMATHA. 

Antlers  is  the  county  seat. 

We  could  not  pronounce  the  name  of  this  county 
so  we  will  pass  it  up. 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  105 

ROGER  MILLS. 

Cheyenne  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  a  Texas  statesman, 
but  it  is  said  that  he  never  took  much  interest  in  his 
namesake  and  nothing  ever  came  of  it. 

ROGERS. 

Claremore  is  the  county  seat.  This  place  is  a  noted 
health  resort  and  people  who  never  take  a  bath  at  home 
often  go  there  to  get  one.  Most  people  look  better  when 
they  come  back. 

SEMINOLE. 

Wewoka  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  an.  Indian  tribe  who 
left  their  homes  in  Alabama  and  were  termed  by  the 
other  Indians  "Wanderers." 

Anyone  who  wanders  off  to  Wewoka  will  wonder 
why  he  wandered  so  far  into  wonderland. 

SEQUOYAH. 

Salisaw  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  Cherokee  who  in- 
vented the  Cherokee  Indian  alphabet. 

STEPHENS, 

Duncan  is  the  county  seat. 

Stephens  county  is  noted  for  its  beautiful  girls  and 
homely  men.  It  is  the  home  of  Leslie  Morris,  the  Texas 
Poet,  whose  little  book,  'The  Story  of  Jesus,"  is  sold  on 
every  train  running  in  the  state.  He  gave  us  a  copy 
for  ''nuthin." 

SWANSON. 
Mountain  Park  is  the  capital  and  on  our  visit  there 
we  failed  to  find  anything  of  interest  to  relate. 


106  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

TEXAS. 

Guymon  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  Avas  carved  from  '*No  Man's  Land" 
and  was  so  named  because  all  the  first  settlers  came 
from  Texas. 

TILLMAN. 

Frederick  is  the  county  seat. 

This  county  was  named  after  old  Pitch  Fork  Ben, 
and  all  the  inhabitants  vote  the  Democratic  ticket. 

TULSA. 

Tulsa  is  the  capital. 

The  name  is  of  Indian  origin  and  the  town  is  lo- 
cated on  the  old  stomping  grounds  known  as  Tulsa 
Lochapokas.  Most  of  the  town  belongs  to  Tate  Brady, 
but  some  folks  do  not  want  it  to  get  out. 

Tate  wears  cotton  socks  now. 

WAGONER. 

Wagoner  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  after  the  town  and  the  town 
was  named  after  a  railroad  promoter,  but  of  late  years 
Wagoner  does  not  boast  of  its  railroad  facilities. 

WASHINGTON. 

Bartlesville  is  the  county  seat,  made  famous  by  be- 
ing at  one  time  the  home  of  the  author  and  Emmett 
Dalton. 

The  county  was  named  after  George,  and  the  town 
after  Jake,  but  Joe  is  the  leading  figure  in  the  county  at 
this  time. 

Foster's  Business  College  used  to  turn  out  more 
good  looking  stenographers  than  any  other  school  in 
the  State. 


Counties  and  County  Seat  History  107 

WASHITA. 

Cordell  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  •  derives  its  name  from  the  Washita 
river  and  when  it  was  first  organized  it  was  known  as 
"H"  county. 

WOODS. 

Alva  is  the  county  seat. 

Woods  countj^  was  named  thus  on  account  of  the 
lack  of  timber  in  that  part  of  the  country.  Some  say 
that  a  Kansas  lawyer  claims  that  this  county  was 
named  after  him,  but  we  doubt  it.  He  has  never  pushed 
the  claim,  however,  and  the  whole  thing  has  gone  by 
default. 

WOODWARD. 

Woodward  is  the  county  seat. 

The  county  was  named  Woodward  in  honor  of  one 
of  the  stockholders  that  put  the  first  railroad  through 
that  country. 

Most  of  the  towns  in  the  state  do  not  honor  the 
stockholders  of  the  railroads  and  Woodward  has  been 
talked  of  considerably  on  account  of  this  strange  freak. 


General  Topics 


The  first  time  Oklahoma  was  given  away  was  in 
1665,  when  the  Crown  Prince  of  Great  Britain  made 
a  grant  for  the  colonies  of  Carolina,  embracing  all 
the  land  from  the  Atlantic  to  the  Pacific  between  30 
degrees  and  36  degrees  and  30  minutes  north  latitude. 
This  grant  included  all  the  lands  of  Oklahoma  except 
those  lying  north  of  the  line  formed  by  the  westward 
projection  of  the  southern  boundary  of  Mississippi. 
This  was  the  first  time  that  a  white  man  had  any- 
thing to  do  with  Oklahoma,  but  it  remained  an  un- 
known country  until  a  century  and  a  half  afterwards. 
What  was  going  on  in  Oklahoma  these  many  years 
will  perhaps  never  be  known ;  still  tradition  has  it  that 
these  were  strenuous  times. 

In  1763  France  ceded  Louisiana  to  Spain  to  keep 
England  from  getting  it.  Spain. kept  it  for  thirty- 
one  years,  then  gave  it  back;  thus  Oklahoma  changed 
hands  twice  within  a  century,  for  in  1800  Spain  gave 
Louisiana  back  to  France.  It  still  included  almost 
all  the  present  State.  In  1803,  when  the  country  was 
bought  by  Jefferson,  we  paid  two  dollars  and  fifty 
cents  per  acre  on  an  average,  with  Oklahoma  thrown 
in  for  good  measure. 

During  the  early  days  of  Oklahoma  the  people 
were  exposed  to  the  lodge  bug,  and  on  most  of  them 
it  took  the  first  time.  The  general  herd  has  never  been 
able  to  vaccinate  succesvsfully  against  it.  Many  of 
the  poorer  classes  are  working  night  and  day  to  pay 
their  insurance,  yet  but  few  of  them  have. been  known 


General  Topics 


109 


to  die  while  their  insurance  was  in  force.  If  per- 
chance they  are  fortunate  enough  to  do  this,  their 
v/idows  soon  marry  again  and  the  insurance  money 
passes  rapidly  into  circulation.  Thus  many  an  Okla- 
homa widow  has  been  able  to  round  out  a  life  of 
misery  and  privation  by  marrying  a  second  time. 


H  IN  G 


Many  of  the  business  men  of  Oklahoma  join  some 
other  lodges  on  purpose  to  violate  the  liquor  laws  of 
the  State,  and  in  this  they  have  been  very  successful. 


As  soon  as  Statehood  was  ushered  in  the  people 
thought  it  would  be  better  to  have  more  than  one  po- 
litical party.  Before  Statehood  all  the  political  busi- 
ness was  done  by  the  Republicans,  and  after  Statehood 
all  of  it  was  done  by  the  Democrats. 

The  peculiar  thing  about  this  political  proposition 
is  that  the  party  in  power  is  always  the  corrupt  one, 
and  the  party  out  of  power  is  the  one  that  could  do 
such  great  stunts  if  they  only  had  the  say  so.     The 


110  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

rule  of  the  game  is  that  the  longer  one  party  is  in 
power  the  rottener  it  gets.  Some  people  seem  to  think 
that  there  should  be  a  change  at  this  time,  but  we 
are  not  authority  on  this  subject.  If  you  think  so, 
stick  to  your  convictions  and  vote  the  Prohibition 
ticket  at  the  next  general  election. 


L.  W.  Baxter  was  the  first  baldheaded  man  of 
any  consequence  in  Oklahoma;  he  served  the  people 
as  Territorial  Superintendent  of  Schools  in  the  early 
days.  It  was  during  his  term  of  office  that  the  author 
taught  school  in  various  parts  of  the  State,  and  but 
for  the  kindness  and  consideration  shown  during  that 
period  we  would  not  have  this  part  of  our  career  to 
point  to  with  pride. 

Mr.  Baxter  is  now  cashier  of  a  thriving  bank  iri 
Tulsa,  and  some  day  we  hope  to  be  able  to  borrow 
enough  on  the  copyright  of  this  history  to  tide  us  over 
a  few  weary  months. 

With  him  in  this  enterprise  at  Tulsa  is  the  Hon- 
orable J.  W.  McNeal,  who  was  defeated  by  Cruce  for 
the  honors  of  Governor.  Uncle  Joe  said  just  after 
the  election  that  he  never  knew  that  there  were  so 
many  Democrats  in  the  world  as  there  were  voted 
against  him  at  the  election.  He  says  that  he  en- 
countered all  kinds  of  danger  during  the  campaign, 
including  a  stop  at  Osage  for  lunch.  The  Katy  stops 
at  Osage  twenty  minutes  for  lunch  on  each  trip,  and  a 
photograph  and  a  cup  of  mud  will  cost  in  the  neigh- 
borhood of  six-bits. 


Ed  Trapp  was  the  first  State  Auditor.  He  had 
for  several  years  been  County  Clerk  of  Logan  County 
and  he  advised  the  First  Legislature  to  provide  the 


V     (General  Topics 


111 


State  with  a  public  debt  as  soon  as  possible,  which 
they  did  by  assuming  the  expenses  of  the  Constitu- 
tional Convention,  and  ever  since  this  w^e  have  had  to 
bear  the  brunt. 

Thus  the  State  was  thrown  into  trouble,  but  Ed 
soon  saw  the  necessity  of  curbing  the  more  ferocious 
ones,  and  many  of  the  newspapers  were  very  sore  at 


CD6   -DRtA 


"It's  still  a  long  way  to  Tipperary' 


him  for  some  of  his  criticisms  when  he  caught  them 
trying  to  work  their  rabbit's  foot  on  the  innocent  tax- 
payers. 


112  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

It  is  reported  that  he  had  some  strenuous  times, 
but  we  cannot  truthfully  say  what  it  was  all  about, 
and,  as  we  are  dealing  with  facts  exclusively  and  do 
not  base  our  contentions  on  hearsay,  we  will  pass 
this  up. 

There  is  an  old  saying  that  it  is  impossible  to  keep 
a  good  man  down,  and  as  we  go  to  press  we  find  Ed 
has  climbed  the  ladder  and  is  now  the  Lieutenant 
Governor  of  this  great  State,  and  in  a  few  years  more 
we  will  no  doubt  have  a  chance  to  see  him  filling  the 
G — but  wait  a  minute,  this  is  not  yet  a  matter  of 
history. 


The  New  Jerusalem  was  a  plan  concocted  by  sev- 
eral real  estate  men  who  expected  to  reap  a  harvest. 
They  wanted  the  State  to  buy  a  thousand  acres  of 
land  and  divide  it  into  city  lots  and  sell  them  to  the 
highest  bidder  for  cash.  Then  the  said  real  estate 
men  would  build  a  shack  on  this  land  and  call  it  a 
capitol  building,  and  get  an  architect  to  draw  a  beau- 
tiful picture  of  a  building,  and  pass  it  around  for  the 
unsuspecting  public  to  examine  before  they  paid  for 
their  lot.  As  soon  as  the  matter  was  looked  into  the 
State  decided  not  to  do  it,  but  made  the  same  propo- 
sition to  Oklahoma  City,  and  they  accepted  it. 

Our  new  State  capitol  building  has  been  located 
half  way  between  Oklahoma  City  and  Guthrie,  and 
future  generations  will  point  with  pride  to  a  massive 
structure  only  a  few  hours'  ride  from  the  heart  of 
the  city.  It  is  reported  that  w^hile  Guthrie  citizens 
failed  to  keep  the  capitol  where  they  decided  to  put  it, 
they  will  not  be  so  very  much  farther  away,  counting 
from  the  postoffice  building,  than  the  folks  at  Okla- 
homa City  are. 


General  Topics  113 

Oklahoma  has  about  1,883  postoffices,  and  the 
people  get  mail  at  all  of  them. 

At  some  of  these  postoffices  they  have  stores,  and 
before  Statehood  some  of  them  are  supposed  to  have 
sold  booze,  but  we  do  not  believe  it.  Some  of  the  post- 
offices  were  moved  so  often  that  they  were  supposed 
to  have  ''joints,"  and  that  is  the  way  the  rumor 
started,  no  doubt. 

Whether  or  not  there  were  ever  any  joints  in 
the  postoffices  we  are  unable  to  say,  but  we  do  know 
that  nearly  every  one  of  them  furnished  a  candidate 
for  office  in  1914. 


Justice  is  one  thing  in  Oklahoma  and  getting  it 
is  altogether  a  different  proposition. 

A  clipping  from  the  Bartlesville  Enterprise  of 
July  21st,  1914,  will,  perhaps,  illustrate  the  feelings 
of  the  people  better  than  in  any  other  way. 

''Charles  Miller,  a  nineteen-year-old  boy,  was  sen- 
tenced to  twenty-five  years  in  the  penitentiary  at  Mus- 
kogee the  other  day  for  stealing  forty-two  cents  from  a 
man,"  and  the  paper  goes  on  to  say  that  this  happened 
in  Oklahoma,  where  political  grafters  belonging  to 
the  Democratic  machine  have  looted  the  State  of  hun- 
dreds of  thousand's  of  dollars  and  escaped  without  the 
slightest  molestation. 

Needless  to  say  that  the  paper  publishing  this 
was  a  Republican  organ,  but  nevertheless  the  truth 
remains  unshattered. 

Still  we  find  men  willing  to  assume  the  great 
responsibility  of  enforcing  the  law,  and  telling  the 
people  of  the  great  things  they  expect  to  do. 


Side  Lights  and  Shadows 

Railroads. 

During  the  Civil  War  the  Federal  Government 
was  greatly  hampered  in  sending  supplies  to  the 
troops  in  the  Territory.  The  United  States  insisted 
on  railroads  entering  the  Indian  Territory  (1886),  but 
according  to  the  treaties  made  with  the  Cherokees  and 
Creeks  only,  two  railroads  were  to  be  given  right  of 
way.  One  was  to  be  from  north  to  south  and  the  other 
from  the  east  to  the  west. 

There  was  no  limitation  in  the  treaties  made  with 
the  Choctaws,  Chickasaws  and  Seminoles. 

The  first  railroad  to  enter  from  the  north  was 
to  have  passing  right  of  w^ay  and  each  alternate  sec- 
tion of  land  for  ten  miles  on  each  side  of  the  track, 
if  this  land  should  ever  become  public  lands  of  the 
United  States,  and  you  can  readily  see  that  several 
of  the  railroads  were  anxious  to  get  a  bite,  although 
about  this  time  land  was  not  selling  very  high. 

Uncle  Sam  made  a  deal  with  the  Creeks  that  was 
a  stunner.  You  see,  there  was  a  little  of  their  land 
wasting  away  for  want  of  tenants,  so  the  Creeks 
agreed  that  Uncle  Sam  might  move  some  of  his  good 
Kansas  Indians  down  here  and  they  would  let  them 
settle  on  the  western  half  of  their  territory  if  the 
White  Father  at  Washington  would  cough  up  thirty 
cents  per  acre  for  it.  There  proved  to  be  3,250,560 
acres  and  brought  the  total  amount  in  dollars  up  to 
over  a  million  and  a  quarter.  Then  the  Seminoles 
decided  they  would  like  to  sell  a  few  acres,  so  Uncle 


Side  Lights  and  Shadows 


115 


Sam  bought  that,  too,  but  could  not  see  his  way  clear 
to  give  them  more  than  fifteen  cents  per  acre,  but 
as  they  had  over  two  million  acres  to  sell  it  netted' 
them  quite  a  nice  little  sum  (1866). 

The  Katy  reached  the  line  first  (June  6,  1870). 
The  first  one  to  enter  the  Territory  from  the  east  was 
the  Atlantic  &  Pacific,  now  known  as  the  Frisco.  This 
road  was  to  receive  the  same  grant  of  land,  but,  as 
the  land  never  became  the  property  of  the  United 
States,  they  are  still  waiting. 

The  Santa  Fe  built  into  the  Territory  in  1885; 
the  Rock  Island  in  1889;  the  others  following  later. 
Just  a  few  years  ago  the  Oklahoma  Central  was  built 
between  Chickasha  and  Purcell,  and  for  a  long  time 
they  had  to  run  flat  cars  between  the  passenger 
coaches  to  keep  them  from  butting  the  ends  out  of 
each  other. 


A  necessary  precaution 


The  road  is  wearing  down  a  little  smoother  now 
and  is  running  a  close  second  to  the  Midland  Valley. 

At  Pawhuska,  on  this  Midland  Valley,  they  have 
a  go-devil  that  meets  the  Katy  passenger  at  Nelogony, 
and  people  going  across  from  there  to  Pawhuska  will 
pay  six-bits  to  ride  the  seven  miles  on  this  contraption 
rather  than  wait  for  the  '^Midland  Flyer." 


Gangs 


The  Dalton  gang,  the  James  boys,  Cherokee  Bill 
and  his  outfit,  Wesley  Barnett,  Henry  Starr,  Al  Jen- 
nings, St.  Lapsky,  a  Creek  Indian  who  used  to  kill 
white  men  just  to  see  them  fall,  and  Old  Bill  Doolin 
and  his  Swamp  Angels  were  among  the  leading  lights 
in  the  early  days  of  Oklahoma  in  keeping  Oklahoma 
on  the  map. 

It  has  always  been  conceded  that  Bill  Doolin  was 
the  best-natured.  outlaw  that  Oklahoma  ever  produced ; 
he  could'  laugh  all  through  a  fight  and  never  know 
when  he  was  whipped,  but  Heck  Thomas  finally  wound 
up  his  little  ball  of  yarn. 

These  early  days  were  very  strenuous  times  for 
the  marshals  and  their  deputies.  Perhaps  the  best 
known  ones  were  Bill  Fossett  and  his  brother,  Jack. 
Bill  Tilghman,  Joe  McNally  and  John  Abernathy  were, 
however,  not  far  behind.  John  is  perhaps  better 
known  to  the  people  of  Oklahoma  as  ''Catch  Them 
Alive"  Abernathy,  since  his  ''stunt"  when  he  was 
showing  off  before  Teddy  when  he  was  down  in  this 
neck  of  the  woods  hunting  wolves  a  few  years  ago. 

The  Dalton  gang  was  broken  up  at  Cofl^eyviUe 
many  years  ago,  but  the  youngest  member,  Emmett, 
is  now  a  respected  citizen  of  Bartlesville. 

The  last  of  the  James  boys,  Frank,  died  last  year 
in  Missouri,  but  for  many  years  he  was  a  prosperous 
farmer  near  Fletcher. 

Al  Jennings  has  for  many  years  been  a  noted 
lawyer  of  the  State  and  came  very  nearly  being  elected 


Gangs  117 

to  an  important  office  in  Oklahoma  City,  and  made 
a  good  run  for  the  nomination  for  Governor  in  the 
Democratic  primaries  in  the  fall  of  1914.  He  is  now 
touring  the  country  as  an  evangelist,  and  says  he  can 
make  more  money  holding  up  a  congregation  of  sin- 
ners than  he  could  robbing  trains.  Al  has  many 
friends  in  Oklahoma  who  wish  him  well  in  his  new 
field. 

Henry  Starr  is  in  the  pen  at  McAlester.  His  last 
stunt  at  Stroud  did  not  prove  very  successful  and  a 
lad  with  a  blunderbus  winged  him  while  he  was 
making  his  getaway,  and  he  will  be  a  star  boarder  at 
the  expense  of  the  State  for  some  time  yet. 

Thus  we  might  go  on  for  many  pages,  but  we 
must  hurry  on,  and  thus  we  leave  this  part  of  Okla- 
homa to  your  imagination. 


Trails 


'"On  the  trail  of  the  lonesome  prairie 

Jess  Chisholm  laid  out  what  was  perhaps  tlie 
oldest  trail.  It  was  the  highway  to  Southwestern 
Oklahoma  for  many  years.  The  starting  point  was 
the  Wichita-Caddo  Agency,  where  Anadarko  is  now 
located,  and  the  most  northern  point  was  Wichita, 
Kansas.  Camping  grounds  along  the  way  were  after- 
wards known  as  towns  and  have  since  grown  into 
thriving  cities. 

During  the  twenty  years  that  this  trail  was  in 
use  Texas  cattle  drovers  used  it,  supply  trains  used 
it  and  the  soldiers  and  Government  officers  used  it 
when  passing  from  agency  to  agency. 

The  Santa  Fe  trail  has  perhaps  a  wider  known 
history  than  the  others.  There  was  many  an  exciting- 
battle  fought  along  this  trail,  and  in  another  place 
in  this  history  you  will  find  something  interesting 
about  this  bloody  trail. 

Other  trails  worthy  of  mention  are  the  Dodge  City 
trail,  then  the  Wichita  trail,  afterwards  the  Caldwell 
trail. 

Of  late  years  we  have  heard  very  little  about 
trails,  except  the  Trail  of  the  Lonesome  Pine. 


Ranches 


Q  O    o    {3  a    la    e 

Jllylll.lllflll.illii^i^ia 


To  give  a  description  of  the  ranches  of  Oklahoma 
would  be  an  impossibility,  and  we  will  not  attempt  it 
here.  A  few  of  the  best  known  and  their  brands 
might  be  of  interest. 

Billie  Malalley,  on  Pond  Creek.  Brand,  the  run- 
ning W. 

The  Hamilton  Ranch,  a  little  farther  east.  Their 
brand,  the  open  A. 

Hutton  &  Cobb,  on  Black  Bear,  near  Perry.  , 

Cocoanut  &  Miller,  west  of  where  the  101  Ranch 
is  now  located.  Cocoanut  sold  out  to  Miller,  and  that 
is  when  the  brand  was  changed  to  101,  since  known 
all  over  the  civilized  world.  Sylvester  Fitch  was  one 
0;f  the  best  known  foremen  on  this  ranch  in  the 
early  days. 

The  old  Bar  X  Bar  was  owned  by  the  Fairmont 
Cattle  Company.  It  was  located  near  Pawnee  in  what 
was  known  as  the  Triangle  country. 

The  Four  D,  owned  by  Wyeth  Brothers  of  St.  Joe, 
was  located  just  above  Perry. 


120  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

The  ranches  have  been  turned  into  fields  of  grain : 
the  cowboys  into  the  best  citizens  the  country  affords ; 
the  cow  pony  has  given  place  to  the  draft  horse,  the 
tractor  and  the  automobile,  w^hile  beef  to  feed  the 
babies  is  selling  for  thirty  cents  per  pound  that  could 
be  bought  in  those  good  old  days  for  five,  and  still 
make  the  producer  rich  and  allow  the  consumer  a 
few  clothes  to  cover  his  nakedness.  But  times  do 
change ! 


Shows 

Pawnee  Bill  is  a  white  man,  and  the  town  where 
he  lives  is  named  ^fter  him.  This  will  prove  to  yon 
that  he  is  a  very  prominent  man  in  his  own  home 
town.  He  had  a  great  show  one  time,  and  it  attracted 
quite  a  little  attention,  both  at  home  and  abroad,  be- 
cause Bill  had  a  corner  on  the  buffalo  business  in  the 
country. 

Joe  Miller  and  his  brothers  of  the  101  Ranch 
branched  out  in  the  show  business  also  and  the  101 


The  'Injuns"  ain't  what  they  used  to  be 


boys  are  known  wherever  civilized  people  patronize 
circuses.  The  only  difficulty  in  this  wild  west  show 
business  is  in  getting  the  wild  Indians. 

Joe  A.  Bartles,  a  native  of  Bartlesville,  but  now 


122  Comic  History  of  Okkihoma 

of  Dewey,  pulls  off  a  show  each  year,  unless  it  rains, 
that  beats  them  all.  Joe  is  certainly  there  when  it 
comes  to  a  round-up,  and  he  has  made  the  show  a 
success  in  every  way  (unless  it  is  financially),  and 
he  says  that  if  he  can  just  get  one  more  swipe  at  it 
under  favorable  conditions  he  will  make  a  clean- 
ing yet. 

Now,  the  man  with  the  B.  S.  that  puts  this  show 
before  the  people  is  Hugh  Amick,  and  folks  say  that 
his  dope  is  great.  His  little  book,  ''Kidder  to  a  King," 
is  before  me  as  I  write,  and  if  this  article  is  not  up 
to  expectations  it  is  because  of  the  blinding  tears  shed 
in  sympathy,  to  think  that  this  little  book  w^as  given 
away,  when  it  should  have  sold  for  four-bits. 

Fred  Woodward  of  Dewey  claims  that  Hugh  got 
his  idea  for  the  book  from  the  one  he  put  out  a  little 
while  before,  called  ''Oklahoma  Tales  and  Jingles." 
We  do  not  care  to  enter  into  their  conflab,  so  we  will 
not  pass  an  opinion  at  this  time.     (See  appendix.) 


Cowboys 


Perhaps  the  best  natured  cowpuncher  allowed  to 
run  loose  at  this  late  date  is  Colonel  J.  W.  Hunter 
of    Bartlesville.      He    is    an    old    Government    scout, 

having  joined  the  Indian  service 
of  the  Government  in  1874.  His 
father  was  a  trader,  but  anyone 
can  skin  Jack  when  it  comes  to 
a  horse  trade. 

He  was  in  Oklahoma  at  the 
time  Pat  Hennessey  was  killed, 
but  no  one  ever  blamed  that 
on  him. 

Ben  Windom  was  another 
old  timer  and  worked  as  a  Gov- 
ernment officer  in  the  early 
days,  when  not  busy  on  the 
ranch. 

Frank  Stephens  worked  for 
the  Four  D  folks  and  in  after 
years  moved  to  Montana,  where  he  keeps  a  Cowboys' 
Home  for  stranded  cowpunchers. 

Earnest  Lewis  was  another  Four  D  boy,  but  w^as 
afterwards  killed  by  Fred  Keeler  in  Bartlesville. 

John  McLean,  now  an  insurance  man  at  Tulsa, 
was  an  early  days  foreman  of  the  Bar  X  Bar  ranch. 

Perhaps  Al  and  Cal  Dean  had  more  to  do  with 
the  civilizing  of  the  Osage  Indians  than  anyone  else. 


One  of  the  bunch 


124  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

The  Colonel  holds  the  record  for  establishing  the  quar- 
antine lines. 

Let  us  be  thankful  that  in  spite  of  political  strife 
and  cowpunchers  the  State  (geographically  speaking) 
has  been  preserved. 


Newspapers 


The  first  newspaper  to  gain  much  prominence  in 
Oklahoma  was  the  Oklahoma  War  Chief.  It  moved 
its  place  of  publication  so  often  that  the  subscribers 
could  not  tell  where  to  send  their  subscription  money, 
and  in  time  it  was  forced  to  suspend  publication. 

Soon  after  this  the  Cherokee  Advocate,  a  paper 
printed  half  in  English  and  half  in  Cherokee,  came 
out  at  a  dollar  a  year.  Those  who  could  read  only 
the  Cherokee  part  of  the  paper  paid  but  fifty  cents 
per  year. 

This  paper  is  still  being  published,  but  for  some 
time  it  has  been  known  as  the  Fort  Gibson  Era,  and  is 
published  by  J.  S.  Holden,  who  can  give  us  all  cards 
and  spades  when  it  comes  to  Oklahoma  History  and 
Indian  Folk  Lore. 

"Next,  perhaps,  was  the  Oklahoma  State  Capital, 
with  Frank  Greer  at  the  helm;  The  Oklahoma  City 
Times,  The  Oklahoman,  The  Guthrie  Daily  Leader,  The 
Muskogee  Phoenix,  The  Tulsa  World  and  The  Okla- 
homa State  Register. 

Space  forbids  comment  on  the  various  newspapers 
of  the  State,  but  they  are  perhaps  responsible  for  the 
advancement  of  the  State  both  educationally  and  fin- 
ancially. 


A  Tie  nOts" 

At  the  close  of  business  on  December  31,  1915, 
Oklahoma  had  two  and  a  half  million  dollars  cash  on 
deposit  in  the  state  depositories,  but  we  are  personally 
acquainted  with  a  few  of  her  best  and  some  other  citi- 
zens who  were  a  little  shy  on  that  same  date. 

The  President,  wishing,  no  doubt,  to  take  time  by 
the  forelock  and  head  off  leap  year  proposals,  had  mar- 
irieci  during  the  latter  part  of  December.  His  policy 
had  been  for  some  time,  'Teace  at  any  price,"  and  he 
wanted  to  take  no  chances. 

Teddy  has  been  dubbed  by  some  unscrupulous  pen- 
cil pushers  "The  Battle  HIM  of  the  Republic,"  and  at 
various  times  during  the  year  1915  had  differed  some- 
what with  the  President  on  the  war  issue  and  had 
'bawled  him  out"  several  times.  All  this  had  nothing 
to  do  with  Oklahoma  and  we  simply  mention  it  in  pass- 
ing. 

The  safety  first  craze  was  the  general  topic  of  dis- 
cussion during  the  early  part  of  1916  after  the  excite- 
ment of  the  President's  marriage  had  died  down  some- 
what. 


1 


The  Year  1916  127 

The  object  of  the  safety  first  movement  was  to  get 
the  public  to  take  the  blame  for  whatever  happened 
and  thus  relieve  the  manufacturers  and  corporations 
of  their  proper  share  of  the  high  cost  of  safety. 


"The  pin  of  our  fathers" 


It  is  working  well  at  this  time  and  bids  fair  to  be- 
come one  of  the  main  planks  in  the  Socialist  party  plat- 
form this  fall. 

During  the  winter  of  '15  and  '16  furs  of  every  con- 
ceivable shade  and  color  and  previous  condition  of  ser- 
vitude made  their  appearance  on  the  ladies'  dresses, 
even  adorning  the  tops  of  their  boots  which  were  all 
the  rage  at  that  time. 

The  slit  skirt  had  lost  its  place  in  the  fashion  sheet 
and  a  very  poor  imitation  of  the  old  hoop  skirt  had 
taken  its  place;  this  skirt  is  gradually  getting  "fuller 
and  fuller"  and  in  time  may  be  able  to  successfully 
rebut  the  argument  that  "figures  won't  lie." 

The  new  capitol  building  had  at  last  been  dedi- 
cated. This  dedication  was  witnessed  by  many  people 
who  came  from  far  and  near  to  see  the  job  done. 

In  the  cavity  of  the  corner  stone,  reserved  for  that 
purpose,  they  placed  many  documents,  including  Ma- 
sonic records  of  all  kinds,  a  list  of  the  state  employees, 
a  list  of  the  Capitol  Commissioners,  copies  of  various 
newspapers  and  some  of  the  most  enthusiastic  citizens 


128 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


suggested  that  a  sample  of  each  piece  of  the  ''coin  of 
the  realm"  be  placed  in  the  box,  but  several  spectators 
insisted  on  putting  in  checks  in  lieu  of  specie  and  the 
plan  was  not  favorably  considered. 

After  the  corner  stone  was  put  in  place  work  was 
resumed  during  the  lull  in  strikes  and  is  continuing  to 
the  present  time  (July  1,  1916). 

On  February  1st,  Uncle  Sam  took  the  post  oTfice 
funds  away  from  Guthrie  and  gave  them  to  Oklahoma 
City,  but  as  the  taking  away  process  has  been  going  on 
for  a  long  time  now  there  was  nothing  much  said  about 
it. 

The  interurban  is  now  being  finished  and  what 
Oklahoma  City  thinks  is  there  that  can  still  be  be  taken 
away  is  a  question;  there  surely  must  be  somethm.? 


'Fording"  the  Atlantic 


they  have  their  eye  on  or  there  would  be  no  reason  for 
b  lilding  this  road. 

When  Henry  Ford  returned  from  Europe,  where 
he  had  gone  to  stop  the  war,  he  decided  to  build  a  Ford 
incubator  in  Oklahoma   City  and  hatch  out  his  ma- 


The  Year  1916 


129 


chines  right  here  on  the  ground  floor,  because  he  could 
not  ship  them  in  fast  enough  for  home  consumption. 
The  city  gave  him  the  glad  hand  and  the  thing  was 
done. 

Gasoline  has  gone  up  from  10c  per  gallon  to  25c 
and  its  now  up  to  Henry  to  get  as  good  a  substitute  for 
gasoline  as  he  did  for  an  automobile. 

As  soon  as  he  had  established  his  plant  in  Okla- 
homa he  adopted  his  peace  plan  among  his  workmen 
and  sent  forth  an  edict  that  every  married  man  had  to 
get  along  with  his  wife,  get  a  divorce  or  get  another 
job.  This  brings  to  our  mind  the  old  saying,  'The 
women,  God  bless  them ;  man  could  not  get  along  with- 
out them  nor  can  he  get  along  with  them,"  so  some  of 
the  men  were  bound  to  lose  their  jobs  because  they  had 
not  worked  long  enough  to  have  enough  ahead  to  enjoy 
such  an  expensive  luxury  as  a  divorce. 

Another  thing  we  forgot  to  mention  was  that 
Henry  has  been  busy  filling  orders  from  the  Allies  for 
war  trucks  since  he  returned  from  his  peace  mission 
(this  is  only  hearsay) . 


\H  the: 

zoo    AT   VsiHBELEf\' 


130 


Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 


The  Canadian  river  went  on  a  rampage  early  in 
June  and  the  farmers  along  the  bank  adjoining  Okla- 
homa City  cut  the  dam  and  turned  the  water  into 
Wheeler  Park,  the  city's  leading  pleasure  resort,  and 
the  zoo  was  flooded.  In  the  picture  above  you  see  the 
keeper  of  the  zoo  feeding  one  of  the  bears  during  the 
high  tide  and  it  is  said  on  good  authority  that  the  ducks 
had  more  fun  than  a  box  of  monkeys. 


Vamos  pronto 


Nineteen  sixteen  still  views  with  alarm  the  situa- 
tion in  Mexico.  Villa  is  still  at  large  and  hurls  cuss 
words  at  the  gringoes.  On  June  19th  the  Oklahoma 
soldier  boys  were  called  out  to  investigate  the  Mexican 
situation.  Personally  speaking,  however,  we  have 
never  lost  any  Mexicans  and  we  would  much  prefer 
that  our  friends  would  say  of  us,  "Didn't  he  run  like 
the  dickens,"  than  to  have  them  say,  ''Don't  he  look 
natural  ?'* 

The  Democratic  national  convention  met  during 
June  and  Wilson  took  everything  by  storm  as  far  as 
popularity  was  concerned.  The  voice  of  the  people 
cried  out  for  four  more  years  of  peace  and  prepared- 
ness. 


The  Year  WIS 


131 


The  Republicans  nominated  Hughes  and  their  al- 
lies offered  the  place  to  Teddy,  but  up  to  date  there  has 
been  no  decision  reached. 


DR.NUTC 

FAMOUS 

HUMANS 


//^/^^S 


icddy 


Look  'em  over 


4^^  f\ 


j/^ooi>^wy/ 


The  howl  of  the  G.  0.  P.  and  her  allies  was  ''Any- 
thing to  beat  Wilson/'  What  success  they  had  in  choos- 
ing cannot  be  entered  on  the  docket  at  this  time,  but  it 
makes  very  little  difference  to  the  people  of  Oklahoma 
and  will  not  change  the  history  materially. 


That  Special  Session 


Peace  at  any  price 


Governor  Williams  called  a  special  session  of  the 
Legislature  to  meet  at  9  a.  m.  January  17.  The  pur- 
pose was  as  stated  in  his  message,  which  contained 
forty-four  long  typewritten  pages,  was  divided  into  six 
subjects,  but  we  will  deal  with  but  three  of  them  here. 

The  slogan  of  the  Governor  was  ''Cruel  Economy" ; 
the  session,  therefore,  was  limited  to  thirty  days.  They 
couldn't  do  it. 


That  Special  Session  133 

The  first  question  taken  up  was  the  usury  la*w, 
which  was  thrashed  out  to  the  satisfaction  of  all  con- 
cerned except  the  bankers. 

Then  the  election  law  that  was  to  take  the  place  of 
the  Grandfather  clause  that  had  been  declared  uncon- 
stitutional was  taken  up. 

The  democrats  held  that  Oklahoma  must  safe- 
guard the  purity  of  the  ballot  and  place  some  kind  of  a 
restriction  on  the  rights  of  the  ''niggers"  to  vote  or 
they  might  perchance  be  driven  in  droves  and  in  herds 
to  the  polls  on  election  day  and  be  voted  by  an  element 
that  would  cause  the  party  in  power  much  trouble  aifid 
humiliation. 

Many  of  the  legislators  were  of  the  opinion  that 
the  prisoners  at  McAlester  should  be  made  to  earn 
their  board  and  room  during  their  visit  there,  and  by 
and  with  the  consent  of  the  Governor  they  wanted  to 
bu3^  or  lease  a  coal  mine  and  put  them  to  digging  coal 
for  a  living. 

This  proposition  was  clothed  in  the  following  lan- 
guage so  that  very  few  people  understood  the  nature  of 
the  thing,  it  was  known  as  the  authorization  of  the  in- 
stallation of  business  enterprise  among  the  state  con- 
victs. 

Is  it  any  wonder  that  the  people  failed  to  under- 
stand the  special  session? 

As  soon  as  the  session  met  the  fun  began. 

There  w^as  war  in  Europe.  There  was  war  in  Mex- 
ico. The  war  spirit  was  abroad  in  all  tihe  land,  and  on 
Friday,  the  18th,  one  of  the  republican  members  of  the 
house  from  the  northeastern  part  of  the  state  got  peeved 
because  a  democratic  member  called  him  a  liar,  and 


134  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

bedlam  broke  loose  right  now.  It  is  hard  to  tell  what 
might  have  happened,  which  it  would  be  our  painful 
duty  to  relate  in  this  history,  if  one  of  the  saner  mem- 
bers had  not  started  singing  that  old  familiar  hymn, 
"Nearer,  My  God,  to  Thee."  This  suggestive  music 
quieted  the  parties  to  the  conflab  and  in  a  short  time 
peace  and  quiet  was  restored.  Yes,  we  said  for  a  short 
time,  for  the  sound  of  battle  had  hardly  died  away 
when  slap !  bang !  biff !  thud.  The  chief  of  Bigheart  had 
landed  a  crushing  blow  on  the  jaw  of  the  republican 
committeeman  and  all  because  of  that  substitute  for 
the  Grandfather  clause.  Yes,  this  was  a  strenuous  day, 
but  everybody  lived  through  it  and  nothing  more  of 
interest  happened  until  the  house  threw  one  of  the  .ex- 
state  officers  bodily  from  the  session.  At  least  the  lady 
says  she  was  forcibly  ejected. 

There  was  a  rumor  on  the  streets  soon  after  this 
that  the  reporters  from  one  of  the  leading  papers  had 
been  barred  from  the  session,  but  they  got  back  later. 

After  thirty-three  days  of  warfare  the  legislators 
called  on  the  Governor  for  their  pay  checks  and  he 
promised  them  that  if  they  would  draft  a  bill  appro- 
priating ten  thousand  dollars  for  expenses  of  the  mem- 
bers and  employes  he  w^ould  sign  it. 

The  Senate  adopted  this  house  bill  unanimously 
and  the  members  were  paid  off  and  they  went  home, 
leaving  the  results  of  their  labors  as  a  matter  of  his- 
tory for  posterity,  and  the  question  now  is,  was  it 
worth  the  wear  and  tear  ? 


Search  Questions 

Q.  Who  carried  the    constitution    of  Oklahoma 

around  in  his  pocket  for  several  days  after  it  was  com- 
pleted ? 

A.  Forget  it ! 

Q.  What  is  known  about  the  Red  Book  contro- 
versy ? 

A.  Too  much  to  suit  the  printers  of  the  thing. 

Q.  Why  isn't  Guthrie  the  capital  of  Oklahoma? 

A.  Opinions  differ. 

Q.  Where  does  Oklahoma  get  her  rot-gut  whis- 
key? 

A.  They  ship  it  into  the  state  in  bottles,  barrels, 
cocoanuts  and  coffins. 

Q.  Who  is  known  as  Everett  True  in  Oklahoma? 

A.  Everybody  knows  this  one. 

Q.  What  noted  statesman  was  married  the  latter 
part  of  1915? 

A.  President  Wilson. 

Q.  Who  followed  suit? 

A.  Lyon,  Secretary  of  State. 

Q.  Who  must  follow  suit  or  trump? 

A.  Our  Bob. 


The  Hind  End-Gate 


TO  THE  PUBLIK : 

Writin  this  book  has  bin  sum  job,  believe  muh.  I 
hooked  up  with  this  outfit  for  offis  boy  when  they 

first  started  to  writin  this  his- 
tory book  and  things  went  alrite 
for  the  furst  munth  and  then 
the  boss  he  begins  to  git  bizzy 
and  he  rings  me  in  on  all  kinds 
of  jobs  I  hain't  bargened  fur. 
As  soon  as  the  futst  edishun 
got  skattered  round  he  handed 
me  a  bunch  of  letters  he'd  just 
got  and  sez,  sez  he,  ''Take  these 
down  to  the  cement  plant  and 
open  them,  keep  them  from  all 
combu stable  stuff  for  they  are 
purty  hot  ones." 
He  told  me  to  diktate  the  an- 
sers  to  the  stenograffer,  but  when  I  got  to  readin  these 
letters  I  soon  seen  that  it  wouldn't  do  to  try  and  dik- 
tate the  kind  of  a  speel  that  I  wanted  to  hand  them  to 
the  steno  we  had  fur  she  want  that  kind.  So  I  kud 
not  get  akshun  there. 

In  one  of  these  letters  the  feller  let  out  a  roar  like 
a  jassak  and  the  first  thing  he  sez  right  in  the  first 
perygraf  was  that  he  wanted  his  dollar  back.  Well  I 
didn't  read  eny  more  of  that  letter  fur  I  seen  he  was 
purty  sore.     I  looked  at  a  few  more  of  them  letters 


0-y-i>ce.    K.>r 

"Garsh  durn" 


138  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma 

and  they  was  all  about  the  same  so  I  set  down  and 
wrote  the  same  blamed  thing  to  all  of  them,  I  sed : 

''If  you-all  don't  like  what  is  writ  in  this  history, 
you  know  what  you  kin  do,  you  kin  get  ,sum  of  your 
enemies  to  buy  a  copy.  The  price  is  one  bone  and  you 
don't  never  see  your  bone  agin  after  the  boss  gits  his 
hooks  on  it. 

*'If  you  think  you  hain't  gettin  as  much  fur  your 
dollar  as  some  one  else  would  give  you,  just  call  round 
to  the  office  and  the  boss  will  hand  you  a  pound  or  two 
of  soft  soap.  One  thing  sure,  someone  will  hand  you 
something." 

After  this  the  boss  sed  to  me  one  day,  ''if  biznus 
keeps  on  gettin  better  I  will  have  to  make  you  general 
factotum." 

"Whatinthehell  is  that?"  sez  I  to  him  and  he  sez, 
"the  book  is  havin  such  a  sale  that  we  will  have  to  have 
some  one  that  hain't  got  nuthin  else  to  do,  to  carry  the 
checks  to  the  bank  and  deposit  them,  he  sez  that  every- 
body who  sees  the  book  wants  it  cose  everybody's  read- 
in'  it. 

Yours  as  B  4 

THE  OFFIS  KID. 


Irish  Confetti 

Police  Station,  Bartlesvilie,  Okla. 
My  Dear  Foster: 

I  have  just  read  a  few  advance  sheets  in  manu- 
script of  your  forthcoming  ''History  of  Oklahoma," 
and  I  am  glad  to  say  that  I  am  still  able  to  be  around, 
although  I  do  feel  sick  at  the  stomach. 

If  the  sample  pages  show  what  the  book  is  to  be, 
believe  me,  it  will  be  the  only  living  giraffe  with  two 
humps  on  its  back  now  in  captivity,  and  you  know 
there  ''hain't  no  such  animule." 

The  City  Dads  ^re  going  to  buy  a  thousand  copies 
of  the  first  edition  for  use  in  the  police  department. 
It  is  planned  to  use  them  on  the  prisoners  hereafter, 
who,  instead  of  receiving  the  customary  $31.75  and 
thirty  days  in  jail,  will  be  given  the  fine  and  compelled 
to  read  a  copy  three  times  through  of  "Foster's  His- 
tory of  Oklahoma."  It  is  believed  by  the  City  Fathers 
that  this  will  have  a  tendencv  to  reduce  crime. 

The  one  fear  is  that  after  reading  the  book  once 
through,  they  will  commit  suicide  rather  than  endure 
the  torture  again. 

This  would  add  needless  expense  to  the  city. 

Respectfully  yours, 

A.  S.  KOONCE, 

Desk  Sergeant. 


Brickbats 

Dear  Mr.  Foster : 

Your  book  ''Foster's  Comic  History  of  Oklahoma" 
reached  my  desk  today.  It  is  certainly  worth  all  it 
cost  me. 

I  thank  you  for  sending  it  to  me  prepaid,  with  your 
compliments. 

Yours  truly, 

Chief  HOG-SKIN 


Dear  Old  Friend  Foster : 

I  have  just  finished  reading  your  great  book,  the 
History  of  Oklahoma. 

After  carefully  perusing  the  pages,  I  said  to  my 
son,  Frank,  ''Son,  if  you  could  write  a  book  like  that, 
I  would  be  willing  to  have  you  die — Yes,  anxious." 

Very  tearfully  yours, 

JOE  RITCHIE. 


Dear  Mr.  Foster: 

For  the  past  ten  years  I  have  been  compelled  to 
sit  in  my  wheel  chair  on  account  of  rheumatism. 

I  w^ant  to  thank  you  for  sending  me  your  book.  I 
read  it  through  at  one  sitting  and  while  I  do  not  see 
that  it  helped  my  rheumatism  any,  yet  it  made  it  no 
worse  and  I  am  truly  thankful. 

Yours, 

ABBIE  DOLITTLE. 


"There's  many  a  slip  'twixt  the  cup  and  the  lip" 


Appendix 


The  many  citations  to  the  appendix  were  given 
with  the  best  of  intentions,  but  this  said  appendix  fin- 
ally got  so  congested  that  a  consultation  of  the  best  and 
most  learned  citizens  of  the  country  was  called  for, 
and,  after  due  deliberation,  their  diagnosis  indicated 
the  necessity  of  an  operation,  which  was  successfully 
performed,  and  the  appendix  was  immediately  re- 
moved. 


,.Ai. 


^^^ 


DR 
in  SHARP 

,         HORSES' 
[    riUL^-   DOCTOR. 


'Ah!     cut  it  out" 


LIBRftRY  OF  CONGRESS 


0  016  094  547  3 


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