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GIFT   BOOK 


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rOUNG  LADIES; 

FAMILIAE   LETTEES 


THEIR  ACQUAINTAl^CES,  MALE  AITD  FEMALE, 
EMPLOYMENTS,  FRIElfDSHIPS,  «feo. 


BT 

DR  WM.  A.  ALCOTT, 

ABIHOB  OF  «'6IFT'B00K  FOR  YOUNG  MEM.", 


AUBURN: 

DERBY   &  MILLER. 

BUFFALO: 

DERBY,  0RT0I7  &  MULLIGAIf, 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1852,  by 

GEO.  H.  DERBY  &  CO. 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States,  for  the 

Northern  District  of  New  York. 


IBWBTT,   THOMAS  AND   CO.; 
Printers,  Bufialo,  N.  Y. 


KSBOa.  MlAmmiam   .JZ"^W 


/^^ 


0€f«l 
FEB  12  15 


PREFACE. 


Ever  since  I  began  to  write  for  the  young,  the  im- 
pression has  been  fastening  itself  upon  my  mind,  that 
every  individual  is,  or  should  be,  a  missionary ;  and  that 
this  is  as  true  of  woman  as  of  man.  Indeed,  I  have  come 
to  the  conclusion  that  she  is  the  more  efficient  missionary 
of  the  two.  I  have  therefore  v\^ished  to  prepare  for  her  a 
work  in  this  spirit,— one  which  should  serve  as  a  kind  of 
second  volume  to  the  "Young  Woman's  Guide,"  but 
should  be  imbued  at  the  same  time  with  more  of  the  spirit 
of  piety. 

I  have  addressed  the  young  woman,  because,  as  Jacob 
Abbott  has  well  said,  no  one  is  apt  to  think  herself  old ; 
so  that  all  books,  it  would  seem,  in  order  to  be  read, 
should  be  written  for  the  young-.  Besides,  I  have  always 
hope  of  the  reformation,  or  at  least  of  the  improvement  of 
the  young ;  while  of  the  old  little  is  to  be  expected.  And 
I  have  written  to  a  sister,  that  by  having  before  the  mind's 
eye  a  reality,  I  might  be  at  once  more  earnest,  more 
familiar,  and  more  practical.  It  has  been  my  purpose,  in 
one  word,  to  show  woman,  in  a  plain  and  direct  manner 


IV  PREFACE. 

by  what  means,  methods,  and  instrumentaJities,  her  mis- 
sion may  be  best  accomplished. 

May  the  excellencies  of  the  book,  if  it  have  any,  un- 
der the  Divine  guidance,  fulfil  my  most  earnest  inten- 
tions ;  and  its  failings,  of  v/hich  I  am  conscious  it  may 
have  many,  be  covered  with  the  mantle  of  charity. 

THE  AUTHORe 


■■^neniitBiit0Jf 


CHAPTER  I. 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS. 
Estimates  of  Influence.— Quotation  from  Timothy  Flint.— A  Difficulty, 
and  an  Objection.— The  Objection  answered.— Woman  can  be  what 
ehe  ought  to  be.— Every  ons  has  a  Mission.— Woman  has  hers.— She 
is  almost  omnipotent.-What  it  is  to  be  Uke  Christ.— What,  to  coope- 
rate with  him.-What,  to  represent  him.— Woman  should  be  hia 
Representative.— Woman's  Mission  distinctly  stated.-How  she  is  t© 
fulfil  it • ^^ 


CHAPTER  n. 

SPIRIT   OF   woman's   MISSION. 

aow  to  imbibe  this  Spirit.-First  thing:  Reflection.— Secondly :  Acting 
up  to  your  Convictions  of  Truth;  Resolutions  of  Amendment.— Thu-d- 
ly:  Bringing  forth  Fruits.— Hungering  and  Thirsting  after  Righteous- 
ness.-Conscientiousness.— Elevated  Purposes  and  Views.-Aneedota 
of  Rev.  Joseph  Emerson.— The  Spirit  of  Heaven.- An  Objection  cm- 
ridei-sd.—Self-E2anlination  recommended 23 


VI  CONTENTS. 


CHArXER  ni. 

DUTIES   TO   HERSELF. 

The  Connection  of  Mind  and  Body. — A  ]Mistake  corrected. — Health  al- 
ways desirable. — Health,  exceedingly  rave. — Hereditary  tendencies. — 
Acquired  ones. — Your  Health,  under  God,  at  your  own  disposal. — 
Proofs  and  Illustrations  of  this  great  Doctrine.— Words  of  Encourage- 
ment.— ^The  great  Doctrines  of  Health  stated  and  defended. — An  Infer- 
ence or  two. — Personal  Directions.— The  Study  of  Hygiene  recom- 
mended.—What  Hygiene  is 38 

CHAPTER  IV. 

AMUSEMENTS. 

Necessity  of  Amusement.— Different  Forms  of  it.— The  Law  of  Adapta- 
tion.—Temperament  to  be  considered. — Of  Amusements  in  the  Open 
Air.— Rambles  abroad. — "  Eureka." — Walking  to  do  Good. — Horseback 
Exercise.— Other  Forms  of  Amusement. — Case  of  a  Person  with  a 
Bilious  Temperament. — Whole-heartedness  in  your  Amusements. — 
Of  Excess  in  Amusement. — Of  Morbid  Consciousness  on  this  Sub- 
ject     52 

CHAPTER  V. 

EMPLOYMEKTS. 

Definition  of  Terms. — Labor,  a  Blessing  as  well  as  Curse. — Your  own 
Employment  singularly  happy.— Why  so.— Others  often  l&ss  Fortunate. 
—Burying  Young  Women  in  Shops  and  Factories.— Deterioration  of  the 
Race  by  wrong  Occupation. — How  this  happens. — Housekeeping  the 
healthiest  Female  Employment. — Earnestness  recommended.— A  Cau- 
tion or  two 61 

CHAPTER  VI. 
STUDIES,   BOOKS,    ETC. 
Our  Study-days  never  over. — The  Keys  of  Knowledge.— Anecdote,  from 
my  own  History. — Teaching  :  in  Sibbaih  School ;  in  Week-day  Schools. 


CONTENTS.  VH 

—Personal  Improvement  in  Teaching.— The  Science  of  Teaching.— 
Your  Duties  in  the  Public  School  qualify  you  for  Family  or  Household 
Duties. — Housekeeping  to  be  studied.— Mental  and  Moral  Philosophy. — 
Modem  Languages. — Mathematics.— The  Natural  Sciences.— Natural 
History  of  Man 69 


CHAPTER  Vn. 

MORAL    CHARACTER. 

Caesar's  Wife." — I  do  not  forget  whom  I  am  addressing. — You  are  to 
form  Character  for  the  Twentieth  Century. — Apology  for  referring, 
once  more,  to  Woman's  Mission.— Seek  the  aid  both  of  Philosophy  and 
Christianity. — Studying  Chesterfield. — Jesus  Christ,  after  all,  your  great 
Model. — Why  Females,  more  than  Males,  embrace  Christianity. — ^How 
Woman  rules  the  World 78 


CHAPTER  Vm. 

ASSOCIATES   IN   THE    FAMILY. 

Duty  of  Elder  Brothers  and  Sisters  explained. — Where  Woman's  Mission 
begins. — Ruling  over  the  Younger:  what  it  means. — He  rules  most 
who  serves  most. — How  an  Elder  Sister  can  serve. — The  Guilt  of  Cain. 
— Apostrophe  to  Young  Women  who  read  Novels  and  study  Dress.— 
'V^'Tiat  can  be  done  by  Young  Women  in  the  Family. — Reasoning  with 
Yomiger  Friends. — Playmg  with  them. — Loving  them. — Cullvate  the 
Love  of  the  Young.— Story  of  Plato  and  his  Nephew. — Example  of  our 
Saviour 86 


CHAPTER  IX. 

ASSOCIATES   IN   THE    FAMILY. 

Your  Duty,  as  a  Younger  Sister,  to  those  who  are  Older.— Dangeroua 
Period  of  Life's  Journey. — Ancient  Princes  brought  up  by  Women.— 
Woman  the  Educator  of  our  Modern  Princes,  the  People.— flow  you 


VIU  CONTENTS. 

can  educate  them.— Story  of  Dr.  Rush.— Direct  Efforts  in  Behalf  oi 
Elder  Brothers.- General  Rule  in  regard  to  the  Young.— One  Thing  at 
a  time.— An  Anecdote 96 


CHAPTER  X. 

ASSOCIATES   IN   THE    FAMILY. 

Never  despair  of  doing  Good,  even  to  your  aged  Parents.- Why  the  Old 
are  so  often  Invulnerable.— Making  haste  slowly.— Disputation.-The 
Socratic  Method.— Asking  Questions.— Changing  the  Current  of  Con- 
versation.—Spirit,  rather  than  Form. — Power  of  your  own  Example.— 
Example  means  a  great  deal.— Green  Old  Age.— Appeal  to  the  Young. 
How  to  secure  a  Green  Old  Age  to  yourself       ....       104 


CHAPTER  XI. 

ASSOCIATES   BEYOND    THE   FAMILY. 

We  are  under  special  Obligations  as  well  as  general  ones.— Duties  to 
others.— Our  Saviour's  Example.— We  are  all  one  great  Family.— Illus- 
trations of  Duty  beyond  the  Family  Circle.— Circles  of  Influence.— 
Case  of  Belinda.— Her  Perversity.— How  to  Change  her  Habits  of  Ac- 
tion and  Thought. — Her  Case  not  a  solitary  one.— Solomon,  what  he 
was  and  what  he  now  is. — How  he  became  so    ...       .       112 


CHAPTER  Xn. 

MERE    ACQUAINTANCE, 

Our  Obligations  to  Acquaintances.- Our  Ability  to  serve  them  and  benefit 
them. — Jealousies  and  Envies  among  Friends. — ^More  can  often  be  done 
for  mere  Acquaintances.— Methods  of  doing  Good  to  Acquaintances.— 
Should  we  have  but  few  Acquaintances  ?— Arbitrary  Customs  of  So- 
ciety         125 


CONTENTS.  IX 

CHAPTER  Xni 

CORRESPONDENTS. 

Young  Women  should  be  accustomed  to  Letter  Writing.-A  long  List  oi 
Correspondents.-An  Error  in  our  Schools.-Letter  Writing  is  mere 
Talking  on  Paper.— Might  be  a  Pastime  rather  than  a  Piece  of  Drudg- 
ery.-Doing  Good  by  Letter.-Long  Letters,  and  short  ones.— Gratitude 
to  God.-Anecdote,  illustrating  the  Usefuhiess  of  Correspondence.— 
Other  Remarks  on  its  Practical  Importance        ....       130 


CHAPTER  XIV. 
DOING   GOOD  WITH   THE   PEN. 
Writing  Poetry.-Books  for  the  Young.-Authors  poorly  paid.-Sabbath 
School  Books.-Writing  for  Periodicals.-When  to  write.-General  Di- 
rections, derived  from  Experience.-Writing  late  in  the  Evening.- 
How  Light  and  Heat  injure  the  Eyes.-Heat  and  Light  combined.— 
■    Attempts  at  Wit.-Good  Nature.-Sprightliness.-Quotation  from  the 
Poet  Young .       .       .       • 


CHAPTER  XV. 
PARTICULAR  FRIENDSHIPS. 

Quotation  from  an  old  School  Book.-Real  Friendship  rare—Nature  of 
True  Friendship.-Damon  and  Pythias.-A  stiU  nobler  Example.- 
Living  for  one  another.-Living  and  Dying  for  each  other  compared.— 
Several  Kinds  of  Friendship. -True  Friendship  not  often  found  in  the 
Family.— Particulars  on  the  Subject.— Application  of  the  Subject.— 
Examine  yourself -Seeking  Friends. -Fii'st  Rule  for  this.-Second 
Rule.— Seek  first  in  the  Family.— Go  out  of  it,  if  necessary,  afterward. 
—More  Friends  than  one _  •  .    ^^ 


X  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XVL 

SOCIETY   OF   THE    OTHER   SEX. 

Human  Beings  made  for  Society.— Thoughts  on  the  Social  State.— Philos- 
ophy  of  Social  Life  and  of  Friendship.— Separation  of  RelaUons  ia  the 
Family.— New  Friendships.— Philosophy  of  Conjugal  Life.— Why  tha' 
Young,  of  both  Sexes,  have  low  Views  on  this  Subject. — No  Instruction 
given  them.— Courtship  not  rightly  managed.— Watts's  Opinion.— 
Friendship  the  principal  Element  of  Conjugal  Happiness. — Friends  of 
an  opposite  Sex,  most  useful  to  us.— Matrimony  a  Duty  on  the  part  of 
both  Sexes.— Necessary  to  the  Perfection  of  Human  Character.— Objec- 
tions considered. — The  Young  Man's  Guide. — Marriage  necessary  to  the 
Fulfilment  of  Woman's  Rlission 152 

CHAPTER  XVn. 

FRIENDSHIP  WITB.  THE   OTHER   SEX. 

Capability  for  Friendship.— Defects  of  Education.— Females  the  Suffer- 
ers from  it.— One  true  Man  in  a  Thousand.— Some  there  are,  who  care 
for  others.— How  they  are  to  be  discovered.— Liabilities  to  Deception.— 
The  Counterfeit  implies  the  Genuine.— Smoke  implies  Fire.— The  Use 
of  good  Sense. — ^Matrimony  not  quite  a  Lottery. — The  borrowed  part. — 
Means  of  getting  off  the  Mask.— Social  Parties.— Evils  and  Lrregulari- 
ties,  connected  with  them. — Evils  of  late  Night  Hours. — A  Change  of 
Public  Opinion  and  Practice  predicted.— Large  Faith  necessary.— En- 
comium on  Matrimony 161 


CHAPTER  XVm. 
QUALIFICATIONS   FOR   FRIENDSHIP. 

Divine  Guidance  invoked. — Selfishness  will  "  out." — In  what  ways.— So 
of  Benevolence ;  it  will  show  itself. — Counterfeits. — Anecdotes  of  two 
Englishmen.— The  Virginia  Gentleman. — A  Rule  or  two.— Reformed 
Rakes.— Helplessness  of  many  Young  Men.— A  Maternal  Error.— State 


CONTENTS.  XI 

©fthingsgrowing  Worse.— Great  Care  necessary  in  your  Selection.— 
Young  Men  and  Young  Women,  created  to  serve  Mankind,  not  to  be 
served.— Perfection  not  to  be  expected,  however.— A  Gem,  but  not  of 
Golconda.— The  Gospel  Spirit 1?'2 


CHAPTER  XIX. 
MORE   ON  QUALU'ICATIONS. 

Benevolence  as  a  Qualification  for  Friendship  illustrated.— Use  of  Tobac- 
co.—How  to  detect  the  Habit  of  using  it.— Use  of  Alcohol.— Slovenly 
Habits.— Aping  Great  Men.— Stealing  Heaven's  Livery.— Slip-shod 
Young  Men.— Slip-shod  Friendship.— Mercy  and  Tenderness.- Cow- 
per's  Views.— Fretting  too  much.— Two  Kinds  of  Fretting.— Yankee 
Character. — The  genuine  Fretter  irreclaimable.— Love's  Home. — Mim- 
icry, Drollery,  and  Bufloonery.— Laugh  and  be  Fat.— Good  Common 
Sense.— Having  a  Helm.— Illustration.— Self-Denial  ...       183 


CHAPTER  XX. 
PHYSICAL    QUALIFICATIONS. 

Connection  and  Dependence  of  Mind  and  Body.— Importance  of  Physical 
Improvement.— A  healthy  Friend  better  than  a  sickly  one.— Make  tha 
best  of  every  thing.— Beauty  of  Form  and  Feature.— Rank  and  Fortune. 
—Future  Generations  to  be  regarded.— Difference  in  regard  to  Age.— 
Early  and  late  Unions.— Views  of  Dr.  Johnson.— Qualities  you  do  not 
yourself  possess.— The  Opposite  of  Melancholy;  Speculation;  Des- 
pondency.— Hope  on,  hope  ever 195 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

SEVEN   PLAIN   EXILES. 

Things  in  which  the  Parties  to  Conjugal  Life  should  agree :— 1.  In  regard 
ing  Home  as  a  School— 2.  Having  a  general  Plan  or  System.— 3.  Sim- 
ilarity of  Views  about  Discipline.— 4.  There  should  be  Agreement  aa 


Xll  CONTENTS. 

to  Religious  Opinions.— 5.  Small  Habits  of  Life.— 5.  Diet  and  Regi- 
men.—7.  A  mutual  Determination  to  do  Right    ....       204 


CHAPTER  XXn. 

DISAPPOINTMENTS. 

Preliminaries.- The  Search.— Searching  with  supposed  Success.— Sud- 
den Changes  of  Feeling.— Results.— Disappointment.— Your  Depres- 
sion.—Imprecations.— Folly  rather  than  Villany.— Loneliness.— A  De. 
mand  for  Philosophy  and  Religion.— Avoid  Vindictiveness.— Shall  a 
Legal  Process  be  instituted  ?— Solace  yourself.— You  do  not  suffer  alone. 
—Rise  above  your  Trials.— Never  think  of  giving  up  in  Despair.— Con- 
scious Innocence.— There  is  a  World  to  come.— Guardian  Angela  here 
Acting  the  Coquette 214 


CHAPTER  XXIH 

DOING  GOOD. 

Holiness  before  Happiness.- Doing  Good  as  a  Pastime.— Franklin.— Cot- 
ton Mather.— Jacob  Abbott.— Pharcellus  Church.— Thomas  Dick. — 
The  Works  of  all  these  Men  defective.— The  Science  of  Pliilanthropy.— 
Display  mingled  with  Efforts  to  do  Good. — Blessedness  of  doing  Good. 
—How  we  receive  the  Blessing.— Examples  of  being  blessed  in  doing 
Good. — Application  of  tliis  great  Doctrine  to  yourself. — The  more  you 
do,  the  more  you  can  do.— Looking  forward        .       .        .        .       227 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

PULLING   OUT   OF   THE    FIRE. 

Meaning  of  my  Terms. — A  Case  cited.— Seek  out  Subjects  to  which  yo^ 
may  be  useful. — Lay  Missionaries. — You  need  not  wait  for  them. — Di»- 
cipleship  to  our  Saviour. — Particular  Directions  when  to  do  Good.— 
Public  Houses. — Factories. — Milliners'  Shops. — Be  Wise  as  the  Serpem. 
and  Harmless  as  the  Dove.— Pleasure  of  saving  Souls  and  Bodies.-- 


>  CONTENTS.  Xlll 

Boldness  in  doing  your  Work— McDowell— Mrs,  Prior.— Mrs.  McFar- 
land.— Reflections 237 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

PULLING  OUT  OF   THE   FIRE. 

Other  Firea  besides  those  mentioned  in  the  last  Letter.— The  Fire  of  Al- 
cohol.—Families  who  have  been  scorched.— Their  desolate  Condition. 
—To  whom  you  should  appeal  in  their  behalf.— How  to  approach 
them.— Your  Plea.— The  downward  Road.— Plucking  from  the  Fire  at 
Home.— Opposing  the  Use  of  Tobacco.— Reasons  why  Young  Women 
act  the  Missionary  in  this  respect  so  little.— Appeal  to  the  Con- 
science "^^ 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

ASSOCIATED   EFFORT. 

Associations  for  doing  Good.— Some  of  them  mentioned.— The  Sewing 
Circle.— Moral  Reform  Societies.— Falling  by  little  and  little.— Tern- 
perance  Societies.— Peace  Societies.— Prevention  of  Evil.— Changing 
or  Improving  the  Tone  of  Conversation.— Woman  not  sent  forth  as  a 
Missionary  single-handed .       254 


CHAPTER  XXVn, 
CHURCH  AND    SABBATH   SCHOOL. 

Your  Labors  aheady,  and  their  Blessedness.— The  Sabbath  School  a  part 
of  the  Church.— Every  Church  Member  a  Missionary.- Every  one 
should  feel  as  Paul  did :  "  Wo  is  me,"  &c.— How  you  are,  as  a  Sabbath 
School  Teacher,  to  proclaim  the  Gospel.— Beginning  at  'Jerusalem.'— 
The  Home  Missionary  Field  the  most  difficult.— Your  involuntary  Influ- 
261 


XIV  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XXVm. 

TRUTH,  JUSTICE,  AND   MERCY. 

Laxity  of  the  Public  Morals.— General  disregard  of  Truth.— How  and 
why  Falsehood  increases.— Falsehood  of  Parties  and  Sects.— Conse- 
quences.—Set  yourself  against  it.— Li  what  way.— Fraud.— What  the 
Iklission  of  Woman  has  to  do  with  this.— Mercy.— The  Seeds  of  Cruelty 
every  where  sown. — Woman  must  change  the  state  of  things. — How. — 
Fly-Killers. — ^Wantonness  in  killing  other  Animals. — ^What  Peace  So- 
cieties might  do.— What  is  Woman's  Duty 267 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

LABORS   AMONG   THE    SICK. 

Woman  not  to  be,  in  all  cases,  a  Physician.— Reasons  why,— Always  a 
Nurse. — Necessities  of  the  present  sickly  Season. — Woman  should  be 
ready  to  respond  to  Calls  to  attend  the  Sick. — Go  boldly  but  not  reck- 
lessly.—Particular  Directions.— Avoid  dosing  and  drugging  yourself 
in  these  cases.— Obey  all  Law,  physical  and  moral.— The  Secret  of 
nursing  the  Sick 275 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

SELF-DENIAL. 

A  Queiy.— Reply.— Redeeming  Time.— Importance  of  Living  by  System. 
— Elements  of  an  improved  System  of  Living.— Regular  Habits  of  Re- 
tiring and  Rising.— Savmg  Time  from  Sleep. — Time  saved  m  Dressing. 
—Simplicity  in  Eating  and  Drinking.— Excuses  usually  made  in  this 
particular.— These  Excuses  not  valid.— Luxuries.— Time  wasted  by- 
Cooking.— This  subject  illustrated. — How  time  might  be  redeemed. — 
Appeal.— Your  Apology.— Woman's  Time  might  half  of  it  be  re- 
deemed.—Morning  Calls  misapplied.— A  Difficulty.— Hence  the  De- 
mand for  Self-Denial.— Woman  must  awake  to  the  Subject  of  Female 
Emancipation.— Concluding  Remarks 282 


CONTENTS.  XV 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

SELF-SACRIFICE. 

Recapitulation  of  the  foregoing.— Tlie  World  a  World  of  Self-Sacrifice.— 
Christianity  based  on  Sacrifice.— Self-Denial  not  all  of  Woman's  Duty. 
—Is  she  aware  of  this  great  Truth  ?  or  is  she  very  Selfish,  after  all?— 
An  Esplanatioa.— An  Appeal  to  Young  Women        ...       303 


^JIL       Lipi||||p 


GIFT  BOOK  FOR  YOUNG  LADIES, 


OHAPTEE  I. 

GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS. 

There  is  much  of  truth  in  the  very  common 
remark,  that  it  is  the  fashion  of  the  age  to  ex- 
alt young  men.  I  have  admitted  this  in  the 
"  Young  Woman's  Guide,"  and  have  apologized 
for  it.  Young  women,  I  said,  have  influence 
and  responsibility  as  well  as  young  men  ;  nay, 
even  more  and  greater  than  they.  And  in  the 
numerous  counsels,  cautions,  and  instructions 
of  that  volume,  I  have,  as  I  trust,  done  some- 
thing on  their  behalf— something  for  their  in- 
tellectual and  moral  elevation. 
But  the  importance  of  the  young  woman's 


14 


GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 


influence  rises  in  my  estimation,  every  day  and 
hour  I  live.  I  thought  much  of  her,  as  an  agent 
under  God  and  with  God,  ten  years  ago ;  now, 
she  seems  to  he  like  conscience,  one  of  God's 
own  vicegerents. 

You  have  heard  me  speak  often  of  the  late 
Rev.  Timothy  Flint,  of  the  Western  Review, 
and  his  notions  concerning  female  influence. 
I  am  not  in  the  habit  of  making  long  quota- 
tions from  other  writers,  especially  in  the  be- 
ginning of  a  book ;  but  I  beg  leave  for  this 
once,  to  commend  to  your  notice  a  few  para- 
graphs from  one  of  his  essays,  by  way  of  intro- 
duction to  what  follows. 

"  The  vain,  ambitious,  and  noisy,"  says  he, 
"  who  make  speeches,  and  raise  the  dust,  and 
figure  in  the  papers,  may  fancy  that  knowledge 
will  die  with  them,  and  the  wheels  of  nature 
intermit  their  revolutions  when  they  retire  from 
them.  They  may  take  to  themselves  the  unc- 
tion and  importance  of  the  fly,  that  fancied  it 
turned  the  wheel  upon  which  it  only  whirled 
round.  But  the  fair  that  keep  cool,  and  in  the 
shade,  with  miruffled  brows,  kind  hearts,  and 
disciplined  minds ;  that  are  neither  elevated 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS. 


15 


much  nor  much  depressed— that  smile  and  ap- 
pear to  care  for  none  of  these  things— these, 
after  ah,  are  the  real  efficients  that  settle  the 
great  points  of  human  existence.  Men  cannot 
stir  a  step  in  life  to  purpose,  without  them. 
From  the  cellar  to  the  garret,  from  the  nursery 
to  the  market-place,  from  the  cabin  to  the  presi- 
dent's chair,  from  the  cradle  to  the  coffin,  these 
smilers,  that  when  they  are  wise  appear  to  care  so 
little  about  the  moot  and  agitating  points  of  the 
lords  of  creation,  in  reality  decide  and  settle 
them. 

"  There  are  a  number  of  distinct  epochs  of 
the  exertion  of  this  influence.  They  rule  us 
at  the  period  of  blond  tresses,  and  the  first  de- 
velopment of  the  rose.  They  fetter  us  alike 
before  and  after  marriage  ;  that  is,  if  they  are 
wise,  and  do  not  clank  the  chains  ostentatiously, 
but  conceal  the  iron.  They  rule  us  in  maturity, 
their  rule  us  in  age.  No  other  hand  knows  the 
tender,  adroit,  and  proper  mode  of  binding  our 
brow  in  pain  and  sickness.  They  stand  by  us 
in  the  last  agonies,  with  untiring  and  undis- 
mayed faithfulness.  They  prepare  our  re- 
mains for  the  last  sl^ep.     They  shed  all  the 


16  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

tears  of  memory,  except  those  of  the  mocking 
eulogy,  and  the  venal  and  moaning  verses,  that 
water  our  turf.  Some  of  them  remember  more 
than  a  year,  that  their  lovers,  brothers,  hus 
bands,  fathers,  existed.  Who  can  say  that  of 
men  ? 

"  They  are  purer,  less  selfish,  less  destitute 
of  true  moral  courage,  more  susceptible  of  kind 
and  generous  impressions,  and  far  more  so  ot 
religious  feeling,  than  men.  So  Park  found 
them, — so  all  qualified  observers  have  found 
them.  So  the  annals  of  the  church  have  found 
them.  So,  in  our  humble  walks  have  we  found 
them.  Surely,  then,  every  thing  which  con- 
cerns the  education  of  this  better  half  of  the 
species  must  be  of  intrinsic  importance.  If  this 
world  is  ever  to  become  a  happier  and  better 
world,  woman,  well  educated,  disciplined,  and 
principled,  sensible  of  her  mfluence,  and  wise 
and  benevolent  to  exert  it  aright,  must  b»  the 
original  mover  in  the  great  work." 

Excuse  these  quotations — I  know  you  will, 
however ;  for  do  they  not  deserve  to  be  written 
in  letters  of  gold?  Do  they  not  deserve  to  be 
treasured  up  in  the  memory  as  sayings  of  price- 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    17 

.ess  value  ?  What  though  woman  is  rather 
more  selfish  in  her  own  way  than  Mr.  Flint's 
remarks  imply,  and  what  though  there  may  be 
occasionally  more  sound  than  sense  in  what  he 
says,  yet  with  every  reasonable  abatement,  is 
there  not  enough  left  to  immortalize  their  author? 

But  if  woman  is  deserving  of  all  these  en- 
comiums, in  her  present  half-developed — I  was 
going  to  say  half-savage — state,  what  will  she 
not  be,  when  in  some  blessedperiodof  the  world's 
history  she  shall  be  "well  educated,  disciplined, 
and  principled?"  Alas  for  the  immense  loss  the 
community  has  sustained  for  the  want  of  the 
full  exercise  of  those  powers,  which  a  better  and 
more  truly  Christian  education  might  have 
early  developed ! 

The  w^orst  difficulty,  however,  is  to  make  the 
community  feel  that  they  have  sustamed  a  loss. 
Many  who  admit  it  in  word,  do  not  really  be- 
lieve and  feel  it,  after  all.  What  we  have  never 
enjoyed  ourselves,  though  fairly  within  our 
reach,  we  hardly  attach  any  value  to.  It  is 
only  when  "  the  well"  from  which  we  have  been 
accustomed  to  slake  our  thirst  "  becomes  dry, 
that  we  know  the  worth  of  water." 


18  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUIJG    LADIES. 

Suppose  we  had,  for  once,  on  the  stage  oi 
human  action,  a  generation  of  females  who 
came  fully  up  to  the  high  standard  such  a 
^  man  as  Mr.  Flint  would  place  before  them — 
a  generation,  in  one  word,  who  understood  the 
true  nature  of  their  mission,  and  were  endeav- 
oring in  the  strength  of  God,  to  fulfil  it.  Sup- 
pose that  with  the  physical  power  and  energy 
of  such  a  woman  as  Semiramis — the  intellect- 
ual activity  and  power  of  a  Somerville — the 
philanthropy  of  a  Dix  or  a  Fry — and  the  piety 
of  a  Guyon  or  a  More,  there  were  coupled  the 
benevolence,  the  self-denial  and  the  self-sacri- 
fice of  Jesus — in  other  words  the  pure  spirit  of 
the  Gospel.  What  might  not  be  expected  from 
her,  even  in  a  single  generation?  But  suppose 
still  farther — for  this  is  the  point  at  which  I  am 
now  aiming — that  after  having  been  blest  by  a 
generation  of  such  women,  who  should  co-op- 
erate with  the  Redeemer  to  restore  a  world 
which  woman  was  so  instrumental  in  ruining, 
we  were  to  be  suddenly  deprived  of  them  ; 
should  we  not  then  knov/  something  of  their 
value  ? 

I  doubt,  however,  whether  one  person  in  ten 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    19 

can  be  brought  to  believe  woman  is  susceptible 
of  being  elevated  as  high  as  the  spirit  of  my  re- 
marks may  seem  to  indicate  ;  even  though  our 
efforts  for  the  purpose  were  extended  to  a  thou- 
sand years.  Most  may  admit,  that  woman 
ought  to  be  and  do  all  I  have  said  ;  but  it  is 
one  thing  to  know  what  we  ought  to  be  and 
do,  as  I  shall  be  told,  and  quite  another  thing 
to  do  it. 

Now  I  understand  all  this.  Indeed,  I  ad- 
mit it  all.  But  I  do  not  admit,  for  "  the  faith 
once  delivered  to  the  saints"  does  not  'permit 
me  to  do  so,  that  woman  cannot  be  all  that 
she  ought  to  be.  If  she  ought  to  sustain  the 
character  which  I  have  here  faintly  portrayed, 
then  it  seems  to  me  we  have  no  right  to  say 
that  she  cannot  do  it,  nor  to  act  as  if  we  be- 
lieved she  could  not.  If  there  is  but  a  bare 
possibility  of  her  coming  up  to  our  beau-ideal^ 
surely  it  ought  to  fill  us  with  faith  and  hope 
and  good  works.  We  ought  to  do  all  in  our 
power  to  emancipate  and  elevate  her. 

"  All  these  encomiums  upon  woman  look  well 
on  paper;  and  I  rejoice  to  believe  you  aie 
quite  sincere  ;"  I  seem  to  hear  you  say,   "  But," 


20  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

you  immediately  add,  " it  will  be  a  long  i'mie 
before  woman  will  come  up  to  what  you  call 
the  Christian  standard,  and  co-operate  with  the 
Divine  Mind  in  all  his  plans." 

But  now,  my  dear  sister,  is  this  the  only  ob- 
jection you  have  to  bring  against  it^-that  it 
must  be  the  work  of  time  ?  Has  this  in  reality, 
any  thing  to'  do  with  the  subject  ?  A  long 
time !  How  long,  y^ray  ?  Do  you  say  some 
hundreds  of  years  ?  And  what  then  ?  Sup- 
pose it  were  thousands,  or  tens  of  thousands  ; 
does  that  lessen  om'  obligation? 

Some,  I  know,  are  not  quite  of  Milton's  opin- 
ion, that  "  they  best  serve  God" — -on  occasions, 
at  least, — "  who  wait."  They  must  have  im- 
mediate and  even  large  results,  or  their  arms 
are  palsied,  and  they  are  without  hope.  But 
others  have  more  faith,  and  will  labor,  even 
when  the  day  of  reward  is  far  in  the  distance. 
A  few  indeed  will  labor  as  hard  for  a  distant 
reward  as  for  one  which  is  nearer. 

I  feel  no  disposition,  however,  to  make  so 
large  a  demand  of  my  fellow-creatures  as  the 
latter  remark  might  seem  to  imply.  It  were 
expecting  too  much;  as  it  seems  to  me,  of  hu- 


GENEEAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    21 

man  nature.  Nevertheless  I  have  a  right  to 
demand  that  young  women  should  labor,  and 
labor  hard  even,  for  the  emancipation  and  ele- 
vation of  their  sex.  And  the  more  distant  this 
periodj  and  the  less  they  expect  to  be  able  to 
accomplish,  the  greater  the  obligation  to  do 
what  little  they  can. 

Every  human  being  has  his  mission; — I 
mean  under  the  Gospel.  Young  women  have 
theirs.  This  mission  is  one  of  unspeakable  im- 
portance to  the  race.  Flint  has  not  over-estima- 
ted it.  He  cannot.  Nor  has  Solomon,  in  his 
writings.  Nor  could  he.  It  is  beyond  human 
estimate  or  ken. 

For,  hear  me  a  moment  on  the  subject.    If 

you  will  do  so,  I  am  sure  you  will  come  to 

the  same  conclusion  that  I  have.    The  thought 

has  been  ventured  already,  in  some  of  my 

works — I  have  forgotten  which — that  the  first 

female  of  our  race  has  already  been  influential 

in  forming  the  character  of  thousands  of  millions 

of  human  beings  All  who  have  descended  from 

her  have  been  more  or  less  like  her,  and  have 

partaken  of  her  fallibility  and  frailty.     But  all 

who  have  descended  from,  or  will  descend  from 
2 


22  GIFT  BOIOK  FOE  YOUNG  LADIES. 

her,  are  her  daughters.  You,  my  sister,  and 
every  female  besides  you,  are  but  other  Eves. 
In  the  providence  of  God,  you  are  destined — 
in  all  probability  it  is  so — to  have  as  wide  an 
influence  as  Eve  already  has  had.  I  do  not 
say  that  your  influence  in  the  progress  of  the 
thousands  of  years  that  are  to  come,  will  be  as 
wide  at  any  given  time,  as  hers  will  then  be ; 
far  otherwise.  Hers  will  be  extending  all  the 
while  as  well  as  yours.  But  I  do  say  that  the 
period  will  probably  arrive,  in  time  or  in  eter- 
nity— and  it  makes  little  difference  which,  so 
far  as  my  present  argument  is  concerned — 
when  you  and  every  young  woman  now  on  the 
stage  of  action,  will  have  had  as  wide  an  influ- 
ence for  good  or  foi  evil,  as  Eve  has  already  had. 
I  have  said /or  good  ox  for  evil — but  wheth- 
er ;for  good  or  for  evil  depends  on  your  own 
choice.  So  God  wills  it,  so  you  must  under- 
stand it.  God  wills  that  you  should  will,  rather 
than  that  you  should  decree.  Young,  the  poet, 
says,  and  with  a  poet's  license  to  be  sure,  but 
with  a  philosopher's  correctness, 

"Heaven  but  peisuadeS;  almighty  man  decrees." 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    23 

So  does  almighty  woman.     Woman  as  well  as 

.     "  Man,  is  the  maker  of  immortal  fates  ;" 

and  woman  as  well  as  man  falls  by  her  own 
choice,  if  finally  she  falls.  But  neither  man 
nor  woman  falls  alone,  as  you  have  seen  al- 
ready, and  will  see  more  distinctly  by  and  by. 

Now  this  is  a  serious  matter,  and  I  once 
more  bespeak  for  it  your  most  earnest  and 
serious  consideration.  Are  you  prepared  to 
slide  along  life's  current,  like  many  of  your  sex, 
careless  whether  your  influence  be  like  that  of 
Eve,  or  whether  you  become,  under  the  Gos- 
pel plan,  the  progenitor  of  a  new  world? 

Perhaps  my  meaning,  when  I  spoke  of  your 
having  the  Spirit  of  Jesus  Christ,  co-operating 
with  him,  &c.,  was  but  faintly  apprehended — 
indeed  I  do  not  see  how  it  could  have  been 
otherwise,  so  low  are  all  human  standards. 
The  idea  of  being  like  Christ,  when  we  come 
to  make  any  specifications,  and  even  when  we 
do  not,  is  mysticism  to  many,  and  rouses  the 
skepticism,  more  or  less,  of  all.  And  a  few 
there  are  who  regard  it  as  a  species  of  irrever- 
ence, if  not  something  worse. 


24  GIFT   BOOK    FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

You.  however,  know  better  than  all  this. 
You  know  that  it  requires  a  great  deal  of  truth 
and  holiness  and  purity,  to  apprehend  truth  and 
hohness  and  purity.  Our  Saviour  is  by  most, 
but  little  understood.  The  highest  and  holiest 
and  purest,  whether  of  your  sex  or  ours,  are 
elevated  only  just  enough  to  get  a  glimpse  of 
him.  The  more  we  are  elevated — that  is  the 
more  like  him  we  become, — the  more  we  shall 
see  of  him  and  hi  him. 

"Why,  I  have  not  a  doubt  that  the  time  will 
come — it  may  be  near  at  hand,  God  grant  it 
may — when  Avhat  now  seems  to  be  the  perfec- 
tion of  Christ  Jesus,  will  be  attained,  aye,  and 
much  more.  I  speak  here,  of  course,  with 
sole  reference  to  what  is  imitable  in  his  char- 
acter, or  merely  human.  His  character  as  an 
atoning  sacrifice  I  leave  out  of  the  question. 
But  in  zeal  and  labor,  and  self-denial  and  pu- 
rity, and  in  the  ordinar}^  duties  of  self-sacrifice, 
we  see  novf  not  a  tithe  of  what  we  shall  see  in 
him  hereafter,  if  we  are  but  wise.  We  see 
nothing  but  what  v/e  ma^^  hereafter  be  able  to 
imitate — nothing  in  fact  but  what  we  ought  to 
be  able  to  imitate  at  present. 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    25 

And  it  is  our  own  fault,  as  I  have  already 
suggested,  that  we  are  not  every  thing  which 
the  Saviour  now  appears  to  us  to  be — with  the 
above  qualifications  of  expression.  It  is  wo- 
man's fault — and  man's — that  she  is  not,  by  be- 
ing like  him,  co-operating  with  him  at  this  mo- 
ment. It  will  be  her  fault  if  she  does  not  be- 
come to  the  thousands  of  millions  v\rho  will 
probably  succeed  her,  for  good,  all  that  Eve 
has  been  for  evil  to  the  thousands  of  millions 
who  have  already  traversed  our  world,  and 
lived,  and  died  in  it,  and  ascended  from  it. 

Perhaps  you  will  call  this  preaching.  But 
I  am,  as  you  know,  no  theologian,  nor  the  son 
of  any.  I  am  a  mere  layman.  I  do  not  speak 
to  you  as  a  theologian ;  no,  nor  merely  as  a 
Christian.  Indeed,  I  do  not  much  care 
whether  you  call  it  Christianity.  "What  I 
say  is  plain  philosophy.  Indeed,  I  know  not 
that  it  deserves  the  large  name  of  philosophy. 
I  shall  be  satisfied  if  it  deserve  the  name 
of  sober  sense. 

Woman's  mission,  then,  is  to  co-operate  with 
the  Redeemer  of  men,  in  bringing  back  from 
its  revolt,  the  same  world  which  was  lost  by 


26  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES,       - 

another  species  of  co-operation  on  the  part  of 
Eve.  This  I  say  is  woman's  mission ;  but  if 
so,  it  is  the  mission  of  the  young  woman,  as 
well  as  of  the  old.  The  young  woman  is  but 
the  old  in  miniature.  The  young  Avoman, 
moreover,  will  soon  be  the  old  woman — much 
sooner,  it  may  be,  than  she  is  aware. 

But  how  shall  the  young  woman  act,  to 
fulfil  this  high  mission?  What  are  the  par- 
ticular steps  in  which  she  is  to  tread  ?  What 
are  the  instruments  by  which  she  is  to  war  a 
good  warfare  against  depravity  in  its  varied 
forms,  and  by  which  she  is  to  substitute  holi- 
ness in  its  stead  1 

Shall  she  mount  the  rostrum  like  Frances 
Wright,  alias  Frances  Darusmont?  Shall  she 
tmii  caviUing  philosopher,  like  Mary  Wool- 
stonecraft  ?  Shall  she  become  a  mere  Hannah 
More,  and  attempt  to  fulfil  her  mission  wholly 
at  the  point  of  her  pen  ?  Or  is  there  a  more 
excellent  way  for  her  1 

To  answer,  in  a  plain  practical  manner, 
these  plain  practical  questions,  and  to  point 
out,  to  the  full  extent  of  my  power,  the  more 
excellent  way  in  which  a  modern  young  wo- 


GENERAL  VIEWS  AND  REMARKS.    27 

man  is  to  fulfil  her  mission — a  mission  next 
to  divine — will  be  the  object  of  my  future 
letters.  God  give  you  the  docility — both  of  us 
the  wisdom — so  indispensably  necessary  to 
our  mut^ial  benefit. 


CHAPTEK  II. 

SPIRIT    OF   WOMAN'S    MISSION. 

When  a  young  woman  distinctly  understands 
what  her  mission  is,  her  first  duty  is  to  enter 
into  the  spirit  of  it.  A  few  directions  in  re- 
gard to  imbibing  and  manifesting  this  spirit, 
will  be  the  subject  of  the  present  letter. 

And  first,  in  regard  to  imbibing  the  spirit 
of  your  mission.  How  shall  it  be  done? 
Wisdom  would  reply,  as  she  has  done,  in  the 
volume  of  Solomon :  "  Whoso  findeth  me, 
findeth  life."  In  other  words,  seek  the  spirit 
of  thy  mission  in  seeking  me.  Christianity 
would  reply  in  nearly  the  same  manner.  And 
philosophy  has  an  answer  at  hand  of  similai 
import. 

It  were  vain  for  me  to  attempt  a  wisei 
answer  than  these.      Then  be   entreated   te 


SPIRIT  OP  woman's  mission.         29 

give  yourself  to  reflection.  Young  women 
are  not  fond  of  reflection,  as  you  well  know. 
This,  however,  is  the  first  thing.  Consider 
thy  ways,  and  be  wise.  Consider  well  what 
has  been  said  in  the  preceding  letter.  Con- 
sider well  the  united  voice  of  Christianity, 
Philosophy,  and  sound  wisdom. 

Place  yourself,  as  it  were,  at  the  feet  of  Jesus 
Christ.  Take  him  as  your  example,  your  teach- 
er, your  monitor,  your  lawmaker,  your  stand- 
ard. Study  the  divine  record  concerning  him. 
Strive  to  discover  his  "  manner  of  spirit,"  and 
compare  your  own  with  it.  You  will  soon 
learn  to  value  his  spirit ;  and  while  you  value 
it,  you  will  unawares  imbibe  it. 

In  the  next  place,  and  if  convinced  that  you 
ought  to  be  like  the  Saviour,  act  according  to 
yoiK  convictions.  Do  what  you  know  is  right. 
In  other  words,  be  conscientious.  It  is  in  vain 
that  God  gave  you  a  conscience — nay,  worse 
than  in  vain,  if  you  do  not  heed  its  warnings. 

If  you  find  yourself  prone  to  break  3^our  dai- 
ly resolutions  of  amendment — if  you  find  your 
own  strength,  owing  to  the  force  of  long  contin- 
ued bad  habit,  to  be  little  more  than  weakness, 


30  GIFT  BOOK  FOR  TOUNG  LADIES. 

Still  be  persuadedfto  persevere.  Make  your  re- 
solutions anew,  and  make  them  in  the  Divine 
strength — that  is,  relying  on  Divine  aid. 

Nor  should  you  give  up,  even  if  you  break 
your  first  resolutions,  made  in  God.  Some  say 
it  is  better  not  to  make  good  resolutions  than  to 
make  them  and  not  perform  them.  But  I  have 
lived  long  enough  to  observe,  that  however  true 
this  remark  may  seem,  those  who  have  it  most 
frequently  in  their  mouths  are  the  very  persons 
who  never  resolve  at  all.  And  she  will  accom- 
plish little  or  nothing  who  never  resolves. 

I  grant,  indeed,  that  it  is  bad  to  resolve  and 
not  keep  our  resolutions.  We  ought  to  keep 
them.  Why  should  we  not  ?  What  hinders  ? 
Still  I  maintain  that  it  is  best  to  resolve.  We 
do  not  resolve  with  the  intention  of  breaking 
our  resolutions,  nor  need  we. 

The  question  was  put  by  one  of  our  Sav- 
iour's followers — "  How  often  shall  my  brother 
sin  against  me  and  I  forgive  him?  Till  seven 
times ?"  And  what  was  the  answer ?  "I  say 
not  unto  thee,  till  seven  times,  but  till  seventy 
times  seven."  Or  as  some  interpret  it,  as  long 
as  the  offence  is  repeated.     Shall  a  young  wo- 


31 


man  be  less  charitable  or  forgiving  towards 
others  ?  Shall  she  forgive  those  who  sin  against 
her  to  the  490th  time,  and  shall  she  not  forgive 
^lerself  for  sinning  against  herself  to  ihe  fourth  7 

But  the  manifestations  or  evidences  that  the 
spirit  of  Christ  is  within  us  remain,  you  stili 
say,  to  be  noticed.  What  are  these  evidences  ? 
How  is  the  spirit  of  reform — the  new  spirit — 
the  spirit  of  Christ,  made  known  to  the  world  ? 
How  is  our  light  so  to  shine  that  others,  seeing 
our  good  works,  may  be  led  back  to  God? 

Perhaps  I  might  answer  in  the  language  of 
an  ancient  maxim,  "  Ye  shall  Imow  them  by 
their  fruits."  Or  in  language  quite  as  ancient,' 
by  ^Hhe  love  of  our  hrethrenP  He  that  hath 
the  spirit  of  Christ,  brings  forth  fruit  accord- 
ingly; and  not  only  brings  forth  fruit,  but 
much  fruit.  He  loves  his  brother,  too,  even 
unto  death.    I  shall  say  more  of  this  hereafter. 

Let  me  point  you  to  one  result,  one  manifesta- 
tion of  the  spirit  of  Christ,  which  you  may  not 
have  thought  of;  but  which  you  may  easily 
judge  whether  you  possess.  It  is  the  love  of 
moral  and  religious  improvement  in  yourself 
and  in  others.     It  is  in  substance,  what  the 


32  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

Scriptures  refer  to  when  they  speak  of  our  hun- 
gering and  thirsting  after  righteousness. 

I  have  spoken  of  conscientiousness,  as  being 
greatly  important.     Now  you  must  not  only  be 
conscientious,  but  love  to  be  so.     Whatever  is 
worth  doing,  is  worth  doing  well ;  carefully,   .* 
conscientiously,  rightly.     There  is  no  act  of  2 
your  lives  so  small  but  you  should  labor  with  T 
all  your  might,  and  resolve,  and  if  necessary,  * 
re-resolve  concerning  it. 

One  man  whom  I  know,  a  minister,  who 
was  deeply  versed  in  human  nature,  as  well 
as  familiarly  acquainted  with  his  own  heart, 
used  to  say,  that  among  the  most  promising 
things,  in  man  or  woman,  was  a  strong  solici- 
tude to  do  and  he  right  in  every  thing. 

But  this  being  and  doing  right,  with  many, 
amounts  to  httle  more  than  a  desire,  stronger  or 
weaker,  not  to  do  wrong.  Or  if  it  rises  a  little 
higher  and  includes  a  little  more — a  small  de- 
gree of  love  of  doing  right,  for  the  sake  of  the 
right — it  is  only  in  very  small  measure. 

And  if  it  rises  occasionally  to  the  point  I 
have  mentioned — a  moderately  strong  desire  of 
doing  right,  a  positive  love  of  virtue  or  excel- 


33 


lence — ^it  still  falls  short  in  this  particular,  that 
It  does  not,  in  striving  to  be  and  do  right,  come 
up  to  the  highest  gospel  standard — that  of  de- 
siring, with  all  the  heart,  mind,  soul,  and 
strength,  to  be  and  do  as  right  as  possible. 

She  who  is  fully  imbued  with  the  true  Gos- 
pel spirit,  not  only  labors  and  prays  to  have 
every  thing — the  smallest  matter  even — done 
right,  but  as  right  as  possible.  And  if  she  fails 
of  her  resolution  to  do  every  thing  in  this 
manner,  she  mourns  over  her  delinquency,  and 
is  in  bitterness  on  account  of  it ;  and  resolves 
again.  Indeed,  she  repeats  her  resolution  and 
efforts,  if  need  so  require,  to  the  thousandth 
or  ten  thousandth  time. 

And  then,  if  at  any  time  she  succeeds,  and 
conscience  approves  of  her  course  as  having 
been  the  wisest  and  best  which  was  possible 
under  the  circumstances,  even  this  does  not 
fully  satisfy  a  nature  not  Avholly  intended  for 
the  world.  She  is  never  ready  to  be  stereotyped. 
She  is  never  so  perfect  as  to  be  willing  to  re- 
main stationary.  The  higher  the  ascent  she 
climbs  to-day,  the  greater  her  courage  that  she 
can  climb  a  little  higher  to-morrow. 


34  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

No  matter  how  trifling  the  action,  I  say  again 
— no  matter  if  it  be  but  the  putting  on  of  a  head- 
dress, the  eating  of  a  meal  of  victuals,  or  the 
getting  of  a  lesson  on  the  piano  or  at  school. 
No  matter  if  it  be  something  which  she  has 
done  a  thousand  times  over,  and  which  seems 
so  trifling  as  hardly  to  possess  any  character 
at  all,  if  such  an  action  there  could  possibly  be. 

I  knew  a  teacher*  many  years  ago,  whose 
praise  was  all  over  the  land,  and  had  been  so 
for  a  long  period.  There  were  lessons  to  be  re- 
cited to  him  from  day  to  day,  which  he  had 
heard  perhaps  a  hundred  times.  And  yet  he 
was  known  to  afiirm,  just  at  the  close  of 
life,  that  he  never,  if  possible,  heard  tlie  sim- 
plest and  mxost  familiar  Jesson  recited,  without 
first  studying  it  as  faithfully,  at  least  once  over, 
as  any  of  his  pupils. 

Why  all  this  carefulness  to  study  a  lesson 
already  as  familiar  to  him  as  the  Alphabet  or 
Multiplication  Table?  The  professed  reason — 
doubtless  the  real.one — was  that  he  wished  to 
do  his  duty  as  a  teacher  better  than  before, 

*  The  late  Joseph  Emerson. 


SPIRIT  OP  woman's  mission.         35 

'*  And  better  thence  again,  and  better  still 
In  infinite  progression." 

This  spirit  of  Joseph  Emerson  was  the 
true  spirit.  It  was  the  spirit  of  Christ.  It  is 
the  spirit  which  I  wish  you  to  imbibe  and  to 
manifest.  And  one  mode  of  manifesting  it  is 
that  of  which  I  am  now  speaking.  I  will  say- 
even  more :  they  who  do  not  manifest  this  spirit 
are  not  Christ's  true  followers.  They  may 
have  a  name  to  live,  but  practically,  they  are 
either  dead  or  asleep. 

There  is  a  world  whose  inhabitants,  from 
highest  to  loAvest,  endeavor  to  perform  each 
passing  action  a  little  better  than  ever  before. 
These  morning  stars,  in  singing  together  for  joy, 
though  it  be  a  song  they  have  sung  ten  thou- 
sand times,  endeavor  to  raise  their  notes  a  lit- 
tle higher,  and  make  the  harmony  a  little  sweet- 
er at  every  repetition. 

The  portals  of  this  world  of  blest  harmony, 
are  to  be  entered,  if  entered  at  all,  this  side  the 
grave.  Heaven  is  not  so  much  a  place,  as  a 
state.  It  is  a  state  of  holiness.  It  is  to  come 
round  again  to  the  same  point,  the  spirit  of 
Christ.     But  neither  heaven  here,  nor  heaven 


36  OEFT  BOOK  FOR  YOUNG  LADIES. 

there,  can  he  heaven,  without  the  constant  de- 
sire and  effort  to  do  every  thing  better  and  bet- 
ter. Joseph  Emerson  was  not  much  more  truly 
in  heaven — only  more  fully  so — when  having 
passed  the  bounds  of  time  and  space,  he  held 
a  golden  harp  in  his  hand,  than  when  he  was 
conning  over  again  a  lesson  in  spelling  or  arith- 
metic. 

It  is  vain  to  say,  in  reply  to  all  this — and 
I  hope  you,  my  dear  friend,  will  not  attempt  it 
— that  there  is  a  grade  of  human  action  so  low, 
and  so  allied  to  mere  instinct,  as  to  have  no 
moral  character — no  right  or  wrong  about  it. 
Paul,  if  not  the  Saviour,  has  taught  a  very  differ- 
ent doctrine  ;  and  you  will,  as  I  trust,  hold  no 
controversy  with  Paul.  He  says  that  what- 
ever we  do — even  our  eating  and  drinking — 
should  be  done  to  the  glory  of  God.  Can  that 
be  destitute  of  moral  character,  which  is  to  be 
done  to  God's  glory  ? 

I  am  not  ignorant,  that  the  human  heart, 
sometimes  even  when  partially  sanctified,  rises 
up  against  these  views,  and  gravely,  and  sin- 
cerely too,  asks  whether,  by  teaching  that  small 
actions, — the  tying  of  a  cravat  or  a  shoe  for  ex- 


SPIRIT    OF    woman's    MISSION.  37 

ample — have  moral  character  to  them,  I  shall 
not  disgust  people,  and  defeat  the  very  ends  at 
which  I  aim.  It  is  sufficient  for  me,  however, 
that  as  high  an  authority  as  Paul,  has  settled 
the  question.     Shall  I  be  wiser  than  Paul  ? 

No,  my  dear  friend,  you  have  not  taken  the 
first  step  towards  co-operating  with  Christ  in 
attempting  to  save  the  world  (and  thus  fulfill- 
ing your  mission),  till  you  have  made  it  your 
fixed  determination  to  do  every  thing  which 
you  do,  at  all  times,  a  little  better  than  ever  you 
did  it  before. 

Examine  yourself,  then,  not  in  any  light  1 
may  have  thrown  on  the  subject,  so  much  as  in 
the  light  of  reason,  and  conscience,  and  common 
sense,  and  the  Gospel.  To  all  these,  you  hold 
yourself,  under  God,  amenable.  Examine  your- 
self, I  say,  and  remember,  as  you  perform  the 
duty,  the  awful  fact,  that  if  any  have  not  the 
Spirit  of  Christ,  they  are  none  of  his. 


CHAPTEE  ni. 

DUTIES  TO  YOURSELF.- YOUR 
HEALTH. 

I  HAVE  now  gone  through  with  preliminaries^ 
at  which  you  will  doubtless  rejoice.  I  know 
full  well  how  irksome  this  moralizmg — ^preach- 
ing, if  you  will  have  it  so — ^is  to  the  young  ; 
especially  to  young  women.  Yet  is  it  not,  in 
its  time  and  place,  needful? 

Let  me  now  take  for  granted  that  you  are 
fully  awake  to  the  spirit  of  your  mission.  You 
are  ready  to  say :  "  Here  I  am,  Lord ;  send  me 
on  any  service  of  thine  for  which  I  am  quali- 
fied, or  can  become  so.  Let  me  know,  at  least, 
the  first  step  I  ought  to  take,  and  I  will  gladly 
obey  the  divine  mdication." 

Perhaps  I  ought  to  say  that  one  of  the  first, 
if  not  the  very  first  duty  you  have  to  perform, 


DUTIES    TO    YOURSELF.  39 

is  to  yourself — physically,  socially,  intellect- 
ually, and  morally.  In  other  words,  it  is  to 
make  yourself  a  specimen  and  pattern,  in  all 
these  particulars,  as  perfect  as  possible. 

You  have  a  body — fearfully  and  wonder- 
fully made.  With  this  body,  your  mind  is 
most  curiously  and  even  wonderfully  con- 
nected. They  have  a  powerful  sympathy 
with  each  other.  If  .one  suffers,  the  other  suf- 
fers more  or  less  with  it ;  and  often  in  a  cor- 
responding degree.  If  one  enjoys — is  in  a 
healthful  condition — the  other  enjoys  also. 

A  few  have  taught,  as  I  am  well  aware,  a 
very  different  doctrine.  They  have  taught  that 
ill  health  has  a  sanctifying  influence.  That  by 
it  mankind  are  prepared,  in  a  most  remarkable 
degree,  for  the  enjoyments  of  the  righteous. 

The  mistake  they  have  made  consists  in 
magnifying  to  a  general  rule,  what  is  mani- 
festly a  mere  exception.  The  Father  of  the 
Universe,  who  "  educes  good  from  ill,"  every 
where  (whenever  that  ill  cannot,  without  doing 
violence  to  free  agency,  be  avoided),  and  who 
causes  even  the  wrath  of  man  to  praise  him, 
has  contrived  to  make  sickness,  when  he  can, 


40  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

prove  a  blessing.  And  yet,  in  five  cases  foi 
one,  if  not  twenty-five  to  one,  it  hardens  rather 
than  softens  the  human  heart. 

Health,  in  man  or  woman,  as  a  general  rule, 
is  highly  favorable.  How  can  it  be  otherwise? 
How  can  that  mind  and  spirit  which  are  bound 
to  a  crippled  bod^^  like  the  ancient  Roman 
criminal  to  a  putrid  carcass,  be  otherwise  than 
impeded  in  their  upward  flight  ? 

And  yet  health,  in  any  good  degree,  in 
either  man  or  woman,  is  exceedingly  rare.  I 
grant  that  a  considerable  number  are  free  from 
what  is  usually  accounted  real  disease.  They 
may  not — probably  do  not — undergo  pain. 
They  may  not  actually  sufier,  at  this  moment, 
from  fever,  inflammation,  pleurisy,  rheuma- 
tism, gout,  apoplexy,  consumption,  small-pox, 
or  cholera.  And  if  these  last  and  their  kin- 
dred were  the  only  unhealthy  conditions  of 
mankind,  we  might,  at  almost  any  given  mo- 
ment, speak  of  disease  as  the  exception,  rather 
than  the  general  rule. 

The  fact  is,  that  a  large  proportion  of  our 
children  and  youth — of  the  whole  race,  1 
mean — come  into  the  world  with  disease  for 


DUTIES    TO    YOURSELF.  41 

an  inheritance.  One-fourth  of  each  genera- 
tion, in  this  part  of  the  United  States  at  the 
least,  inherit  a  tendency  to  scrofula  or  con- 
sumption. And  more  than  another  fourth  in- 
herit a  tendency  to  other  diseases  which  could 
be  mentioned. 

Then  again,  a  diseased  condition  of  the  sys- 
tem is  acquired^  as  well  as  inherited.  Thus 
many  who  are  born  comparatively  healthy, 
become  liable  to  fever,  consumption,  bowel 
complaint,  eruptive  disease,  sore  throat,  ifec. 
For  even  catarrh,  or  cold  as  it  is  usually  called, 
is  a  disease ;  and,  as  a  diseased  habit,  is  often 
wholly  acquired. 

From  these  two  sources  it  comes  to  pass 
that  a  large  majority  of  our  young  women, 
from  twelve  to  twenty-five  years  of  age,  are 
already  the  subjects  of  disease,  and  need  reme- 
dial directions,  rather  than  preventive.  My 
limits  do  not  permit  of  either,  to  any  consider- 
able extent.  A  few  brief  directions  only  will 
be  given,  and  those  will  relate  to  prevention. 

In  the  first  place,  however,  allow  me  to  im- 
press on  yom  mind  the  idea  that  God  in  his 
Providence  has,    in   a   general  sense,   placed 


42  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOrXG   LADIES. 

your  health  in  your  own  power.  I  do  not 
mean  that  this  remark  is  true  without  quahfi- 
cation  or  Hmit ;  but  only  that  it  is  as  true,  as 
it  is  that  your  intellectual  and  moral  character 
kre  put  in  your  own  power.  As  surely  as  you 
can  be  wise,  or  good,  just  so  truly  can  you  be 
healthy. 

Do  you  say,  almost  with  impatience  :  "But 
have  you  not,  of  yourself,  already  asserted 
that  a  large  proportion  of  our  race  mherit  dis- 
ease ?  How  then  is  it  true,  that  our  health 
depends  upon  our  own  efforts,  as  your  re- 
marks seem  to  imply?  Is  there  not  contra- 
diction in  all  this  ?" 

The  question,  though  hasty,  is  yet  pertinent. 
But  the  answer  is  easy.  We  do  not  hesitate 
to  speak  of  our  moral  character,  as  within  our 
own  power.  God  did  not  make  us  mere  ma- 
chines. So  of  our  intellectual  capabihty.  Our 
knowledge  is  made  dependent,  as-  a  general 
rule,  on  our  own  exertion.  And  yet  some  of 
us  inherit  bad  tempers,  bad  passions,  and  fee- 
ble faculties — not  to  say,  here  and  there,  down- 
right perversion  and  idioc}^  The  common 
doctrine,  that  our  virtue   and  our  knov.dedge 


DUTIES   TO   YOURSELF.  43 

are  Vithin  our  own  power,  is  just  as  much  in 
contradiction  to  the  law  of  moral  and  intel- 
lectual inheritance,  as  the  law  I  have  an- 
nounced is  in  regard  to  physical  matters. 

Indeed,  if  we  look  this  whole  subject 
through,  we  shall  find  that  health,  knowledge, 
and  moral  excellence,  are  all  comparative. 
Some  are  healthier,  others  less  so ;  some  are 
wiser,  some  less  wise  ;  some  more  moral,  and 
some  less  so.  It  is  thus,  in  regard  to  in- 
heritance— it  is  the  same  thing  in  regard  to 
acquirement.  And  it  is  so  again,  in  regard  to 
vartue  or  moral  excellence.  The  latter  is  easy 
to  some,  difficult  to  others. 

I  dwell  the  longer  on  this  point,  plain  and 
simple  as  it  seems  to  many,  because  to  others 
it  may  appear  to  be  a  strange  doctrine ;  and  I 
wish  to  show  them  just  how  it  is.  It  makes 
a  very  .different  impression  to  say,  in  a  general 
way,  that  God  has  placed  our  health  in  our 
own  power,  from  what  it  does  when  we  say, 
that  mankind  ought  not  to  be  sick.  People 
will  assent  to  a  great  many  doctrines  and  rules 
"^hen  we  do  not  apply  them. 

I  "vyish  you  to  do  more  than  merely  to  assent 


44  GIFT  BOOK   FOR  YOUNG   LADIES. 

to  the  broad  statement  that  our  health  is,  as  a 
general  rule,  at  our  own  disposal.  1  wish  you 
to  make  an  application  of  the  principle  to  your 
own  circumstances,  and  to  those  of  others, 
around  you. 

You  inherit  a  scrofulous  tendency.  This 
was  not  indeed  discoverable  at  first ;  and  pio- 
bably  for  the  first  year  or  two  years  of  life,  you 
were  regarded  as  unusually  healthy;  you 
were  fleshy,  as  I  suppose,  and  had  red  cheeks. 
But  subsequent  experience  showed  that  your 
physical  endowments  were  not  so  very  ample, 
after  all.  You  were  nervous,  irritable,  irregu- 
lar in  your  appetite,  subject  to  colds,  &c.  In 
other  words,  to  repeat  the  statement,  you  had 
a  scrofulous  constitution. 

Now  this  constitution  it  is  which  has  given 
you  so  much  trouble,  all  your  lifetime,  to  this 
hour.  You  have  been  susceptible  of  disease 
of  almost  every  kind,  and  liable  to  continual 
derangement,  bodily  or  mental.  And  you 
still  suffer,  both  in  body  and  mind. 

Now,  this  condition  and  lot  is  susceptible 
of  much  alleviation  and  improvement.  You 
may  not  be  able,  it  is  true,  to  accomplish  all 


DUTIES    TO    YOURSELF.  45 

jfou  may  desire.  You  may  not — ^probably 
will  not — be  able  to  eradicate  wholly  the  dis- 
ease. There  will  be  a  tendency  to  scrofulous 
affections,  as  long  as  you  live. 

Still  you  may  do  much,  I  again,  say,  to  make 
your  condition  tolerable.  You  may  even  di- 
minish the  scrofulous  tendency.  You  may, 
in  the  course  of  any  ten  years,  especially  the 
next  ten,  add  fifteen  or  twenty  per  cent,  to 
your  general  vigor.  And  the  more  you  do, 
in  this  way,  the  more  you  can  do. 

You  are  apt  to  be  discouraged,  because  1 
assure  you  that  the  work  of  improvement  must 
be  slow.  I  know  well  the  tendency  to  dis- 
couragement, and  the  danger  of  giving  all  up 
as  hopeless.  The  destruction  of  the  poor  is 
their  poverty,  says  Solomon ;  and  in  like  man- 
ner the  destruction  of  the  poor  is  their  poverty 
in  regard  to  health.  It  is  with  them  as  it  is 
with  the  business  man  of  small  capital,  his 
earnings  must  be  in  the  same  proportion,  that 
is,  very  small ;  whereas  they  who  have  a  large 
capital  can,  with  the  same  amount  of  effort, 
secure  much  larger  gains. 


46  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

Remember  one  thing,  by  way  of  encourage- 
ment, that  yom'  gain  will  be  greater,  from 
the  same  amount  of  eifort,  than  that  of  many 
of  your  female  friends  and  acquaintance..  The 
reason  is,  they  have  less  capital  than  you.  I 
luiow  how  ready  you  are  to  think  you  are 
worse  off  with  scrofula,  than  you  would  be 
with  any  other  chronic  disease.  But  it  is  not 
so.  The  dyspeptic,  and  even  the  consumptive 
person,  are  still  worse  off.  I  do  not  speak  here 
Avith  regard  to  the  duration  of  life ;  for  I  do 
not  know  but  the  consumptive  person,  and  still 
more  the  dyspeptic,  may  last  as  long  as  you. 
What  I  say,  refers  chiefly  to  your  power  to  in- 
vigorate your  constitution,  and  thus  to  enjoy 
your  life  while  you  do  live. 

You  will  understand  by  this  time  one  great 
principle,  which  I  trust  I  have  more  than  indi- 
cated by  the  foregoing  remarks,  viz.,  that  the 
more  health  you  have — the  more,  I  mean  of 
constitutional  vigor — the  more  you  can  get. 
The  feeblest  of  your  neighbors,  the  mOst  mi- 
serable dyspeptic  you  know,  can  do  a  little 
for  herself;  and  so  may  she  who  is  far  gone 
in  the  worst  forms  of  consumption.     Indeed, 


*,.i. 


DUTIES    TO    YOUUSELF.  47 

no  person  is  so  feeble,  even  with  fevers,  pleu- 
risies, or  other  acute  diseases,  as  not  to  be  able, 
by  rigid  obedience  to  the  laws  of  God  and  man, 
— especially  the  former — to  gain  something 
temporarily,  if  not  permanently. 

You  will  observe,  of  course,  that  I  do  not 
say  that  the  consumptive  person,  and  every 
body  else,  will  get  well,  if  they  obey :  with  this 
1  have  nothing  to  do  ;  of  this  I  know  nothing. 
I  know  not  how  long  people  have  transgressed, 
nor  how  grievously.  All  I  affirm  is,  that  they 
may  improve  their  condition.  The  feeblest,  I 
say,  can  do  something  ;  and  what  they  can  do, 
it  is  highly  indispensable  they  should  do.  The 
strongest  and  most  healthy  can  do  the  most  for 
themselves,  however. 

For,  need  I  say  again,  that  it  is  with  this 
matter  of  health,  as  with  knowledge,  morality, 
(fee,  that  while  none  are  sunk  so  low  in  ignor- 
ance, depravity,  or  disease,  as  not  to  be  able  to 
do  something  for  themselves,  none  are  so  ele- 
vated in  knowledge,  goodness,  and  health,  as 
not  to  be  able  to  make  farther  advances  ?  And 
still  more,  that  the  less  they  have  of  any  of 
these,  the  more  difficult  is  it  to  ^^' 


48 


GIFT    BOOK   FOE    TOUisG-   LADIES. 


cessions ;  and  the  more  they  have,  the  more 
they  can  increase  their  capital  or  stock  ? 

I  will  not  say,  of  course,  that  the  comparison 
I  have  here  made  of  health  with  knowledge 
and  vhtue,  will  hold  in  every  particular ;  but 
certam  I  am  of  one  thing,  that  it  will  hold  as 
far  as  I  have  chosen,  in  this  letter,  to  carry  it. 
The  more  health  we  have,  the  more  we  can 
get,  is  a  rule  to  which  we  know,  as  yet,  of  no 
exceptions. 

One  or  two  inferences  should  be  made  from 
all  this.  If  God  has  put  your  health  in  your 
power,  then  is  it  not  your  duty  to  attend  to  it  ? 
If  the  more  health  you  have,  the  more,  as  a 
general  rule^  you  can  get,  have  you  a  right  to 
excuse  yourself  and  say,  "All  these  instructions 
about  health  may  answer  for  the  feeble  and 
sickly ;  but  I  have  nothing  to  do  with  them  ?" 

Have  you  not,  on  the  contrary,  much  more 
to  do  with  them  than  the  feeble  and  the  sick- 
ly ?  Grant  that  they  are  inexcusable,  if  they 
neglect  themselves  :  are  you  not  more  so  ?  Is 
it  not  a  scriptural,  aye,  and  a  common  sense 
rule— ^To  whom  much  is  given,  of  the  same 
shall  much  be  required  ? 


«4 


DUTIES    TO    YOURSELF.  49 

But  if  you  are  morally  bound  to  attend  to 
bodily  health,  whatever  may  be  your  present 
condition,  and  however  great  your  present  pos- 
sessions, in  this  particular,  are  you  not  morally 
culpable  for  neglect  ?  Are  you  not,  at  least, 
blameworthy,  if  you  do  not  act  up  to  the  dig- 
nity of  your  present  convictions  of  what  is 
physically  right  ? 

Do  not  startle  at  the  idea  of  blame  for  being 
sick.  -What  if  the  thought  is  new  ?  What  if 
it  seems  strange  ?  Do  its  novelty  and  singu- 
larity make  it  the  less  true  or  less  important  7 
If  it  is  a  just  and  necessary  conclusion  from  just 
and  necessary  premises,  then  why  startle  at  it  7 
Why  not  receive  it,  and  make  it  a  law  to  your 
conscience  ?  Why  not  obey  it  also,  and  enjoy 
the  blessed  consequences  ? 

In  any  event,  I  hope  you  will  no  ^longer  hes- 
itate to  make  yourself  acquainted  with  the  laws 
of  your  physical  frame.  By  this  I  do  not  mean, 
of  course,  that  it  is  needful  for  you  to  study 
Anatomy  and  Physiology  with  the  same  ear- 
nestness, and  to  the  same  extent,  which  is  ne- 
cessary for  the  physician  and  surgeon.  All 
young  women  are  not  called  to  practise  medi- 


50  GIFT   BOOK    FOE   YOUNG    LADIES. 

cine,  like  MissBlackwell.  But  a  general  know- 
ledge of  this  subject  is  certainly  useful,  and  if 
you  would  fulfil" your  mission,  in  the  best  pos- 
sible manner,  quite  indispensable. 

There  is,  however,  a  range  of  study,  which 
comes  short  of  this ;  and  yet  answers,  very 
well,  the  purposes  of  young  women.  It  is  what 
the  French  call  Hygiene — and  for  lyhich  we 
have  no  English  name,  in  any  one  word.  It 
is  a  proper  consideration  of  the  laws  of  rela- 
tion. Anatomy  teaches  structure,  physiology, 
laws ;  but  Hygiene,  relations.  Thus  man  is 
related  to  air,  temperature,  food,  drink,  and 
clothing ;  and,  by  means  of  bones  and  muscles, 
to  the  earth  we  tread  on,  &c. ;  and  this  rela- 
tion involves  certain  conditions  or  laws  of  rela- 
tion. 

In  pursuing  this  study,  it  will  indeed  be  ne- 
cessary to  appeal  to  the  laws  of  Anatomy  and 
Physiology,  and  consequently  to  explain  them 
occasionally.  But  it  is  not  necessary,  in  the 
study  of  Hygiene,  by  young  women,  to  begin 
with  Anatomy  and  Physiology,  any  more  than 
it  is  necessary  to  commit  to  memory  a  long 


DUTIES    TO    YOURSELF.  51 

catalogue  of  dry  Grammar  or  Arithmetic  rules, 
before  we  proceed  to  parsing  or  ciphering. 

This  study  of  Hygiene,  I  recommend  to  you 
most  earnestly,  not  so  much  because  it  is  be- 
coming fashionable,  as  becaase  it  is  for  your 
life — the  life  of  the  body  and  tne  life  of  the 
soul.  I  cannot  indeed  dwell  on  it,  in  this 
volume ;  the  subject  must  De  reservea  for  a 
future  series  of  letters,  or  nercnance  lor  a  vol- 
ume by  itself.  I  may  indeed  m  mv  next  two 
or  three  letters,  just  allude  to  ii. 


CHAPTER  lY. 


AMUSEMENTS, 


Closely  connected  with  the  subject  of  health 
is  that  of  amusements  ;  nor  is  it  much  less  im- 
portant. Few  things  demand  more  tne  seriouis 
attention  of  those  who  have  the  charge  ol  tne 
young  of  both  sexes,  at  the  present  time — le 
males  no  less  than  males — than  the  manner  in 
which  they  are  to  amuse  themselves.  It  is  of 
course  a  subject  of  importance. 

For  amusement  you  must  have,  of  some  sort 
or  other.  Your  opening  nature,  bodily  and 
mental,  demands  it.  You  need  it  as  much  as 
the  kitten  or  the  lamb.  It  has  been  a  max- 
im, "  all  work  and  no  play  makes  Jack  a  dull 
boy."  So  would  all  study,  as  well  as  all  work. 
So  would  all  any  thing.  You  cannot  be  de- 
prived of  your  amusements,  but  at  your  peril. 


AMUSEMENTS.  53 

Even  at  your  own  age,  all  this  Is  literally 
true. 

I  speak  with  the  more  freedom,  in  regard  to 
amusements  for  the  young,  because  there  is  the 
beginning  of  an  awakening  of  the  pubUc  con- 
science, which  has  so  long  slumbered,  on  this 
great  subject.  Good  people,  as  well  as  others, 
are  beginning  to  see  that  they  have  been  guilty 
of  a  neglect,  whose  consequences  ha,ve  often 
pierced  them  through  with  many  sorrows. 

What,  then,  are  some  of  the  forms  in  which 
the  young,  especially  those  of  more  advanced 
years,  like  yourself,  should  amuse  themselves  ? 

Several  things  should  be  kept  in  view,  in  re- 
lation to  this  matter.  Your  amusements  should 
be  of  such  a  nature  as  is  compatible  with  health 
of  body  and  mind.  They  should  be  such  as 
afford  exercise  to  those  organs  and  faculties 
which  are  not  otherwise  called  into  sufficient 
activity.  They  should  be  such  as  are  relished. 
They  should  have  a  good  social  and  moral 
tendency. 

It  happens,  by  the  way,  that  amusements 

which  are  peculiarly  healthy  to  one  person,  are 

often  less  so  to  another.     This  fact  may  be 
3* 


54  GIFT  BOOK!  FOB  YOUNG  LADIES. 

I 

owing  to  temperament,  mode  of  employment, 
inherited  or  acqmred  tendencies  to  disease,  (fee. 
While,  therefore,  in  all  our  directions  we  should 
keep  in  view  th'e  laws  of  health,  we  must  by- 
no  means  forget  the  varying  circumstances  of 
the  individual. 

Your  tempejrament — nervous  and  sanguine, 
but  not  highly  active — ^requires  active  exercise. 
You  pm'sue  household  employments,  in  part, 
and  these  are  highly  favorable.  Thus  far  con- 
sidered, you  would  not  seem  to  demand  very 
active  amusements.  But  then,  again,  you  do 
not  highly  relish  your  housework,  while  you  are 
excessively  fond  of  your  garden,  your  walks, 
your  pony  and  your  carriage. 

On  the  whole,  you  find  yourself  most  bene- 
fited by  amusements  in  the  open  air.  You 
would  not  be  profited  so  much  by  the  dance, 
even  if  you  could  relish  it,  and  could  be  made 
to  believe  it  had  a  good  moral  tendency. 

Your  fondness  for  your  garden,  is  very 
highly  favorable.  Continue  that  fondness. 
Your  flowers,  your  vines,  your  fruit-trees,  will 
all  of  them  minister  to  your  amusement. 
Whether  watering,  budding,  pruning,  hoeing. 


AMUSEMENTS.  55 

or  collecting  the  products  of  your  labor,  you 
win  still  be  amused,  and  both  mind  and  body 
be  greatly  improved. 

But  this  is  not  enough — it  does  not  go  far 
enough.  You  need  something  more  active,  as 
jumping,  running,  and  the  like.  I  will  tell  you 
what  will  be  about  the  right  amusement  for 
i^ou,  beyond  the  garden  and  field.  An  occa- 
sional ramble  with  a  friend  or  with  a  small 
party,  in  pursuit  of  rare  flowers,  plants,  miner- 
als, insects,  or  birds.  And  should  you,  in 
your  zeal,  so  far  compromise  your  dignity,  as 
to  forget  the  staid  snail-like  pace  to  which,  ever 
since  you  entered  your  teens,  society  has  en- 
deavored to  constrain  you,  as  to  walk  a  little 
more  rapidly,  or  even  rxm,  and  clap  your  hands, 
and  shout  Eureka^  do  not  think  you  have  com- 
mitted the  sin  unpardonable  in  Heaven's  court ; 
or  that  even  the  tribunal  of  your  company  will 
condemn  you.  You  have  your  trial  before  a 
jury  of  the  "  sovereign  peopZe" — though  it  may 
not  always  be  exactly  twelve  in  number ;  be, 
therefore,  of  good  courage. 

Walking  to  do  good — when  your  feelings  are 
so  much  absorbed  as  to  make  you  forget  to 


56  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   YOVNG   LADIES. 

measure  your  pace — is  one  of  the  best  amuse- 
ments of  body  and  mind  you  can  possibly  have ; 
next,  I  mean,  to  those  which  have  been  just 
now  mentioned.  But  mere  walking,  that  is, 
walking  for  the  sake  of  walking,  is  worth  very 
little  to  you  or  any  body  else. 

Exercise  on  horseback  comes  next.  As  you 
are  fond  of  this,  and  as  you  require  the  open 
air,  it  is  highly  proper.  Those,  however,  who 
incline  either  to  pulmonary  or  bilious  com- 
plaints, will,  as  a  general  rule,  reap  more  im- 
mediate, solid  advantages  from  it  than  you  will. 

I  need  not  add  to  these  hints.  I  need  not 
interdict  balls,  assemblies,  parties  late  at  night, 
nor  even  a  too  frequent  attendance  on  the 
lecture  or  the  scientific  experiments.  Still 
less  need  is  there  that  I  should  refer  to  the 
dance.  Your  own  good  sense  and  former  hab- 
its are  sure  to  decide  right  here. 

Your  neighbor  Cynthia,  with  her  bilious 
temperament  and  sluggish  mental  characteris- 
tics, requires  amusements  of  a  somewhat  differ- 
ent character.  Not  indeed  less  active,  but  much 
more  so.  She  needs  the  free  air  also  as  much 
as  yourself.     And  then  her  employment,  being 


AMUSEMENTS.  57 

of  a  sedentary  kind,  demands  it  still  more 
loudly.  Her  lower  limbs  require  walking,  run- 
ning or  dancing.  I  do  not  mean  dancing  late 
at  night,  in  convivial  parties,  for  that  would  be 
more  injurious  to  her  than  to  you,;  and  as 
dangerous  to  mind  and  morals  as  to  bodily 
health. 

She  also  needs  society  in  her  amusements 
more  than  you.  In  most  instances  you  would 
do  very  well  alone ;  but  she  does  not  relish 
solitary  activity,  and  it  would  consequently  be 
less  beneficial  to  her  than  to  yourself. 

Then  again,  while  you  would  be  greatly 
benefited  by  the  shower  bath,  and  by  swim- 
ming, partly  for  the  amusement,  she  would 
ba  better  served  by  the  warm  bath.  Her  skin 
is  cold  and  inactive ;  yours  acts  very  irregu- 
larly. Hers  is  strong  enough,  if  it  were  set 
agoing ;  yours  is  thin  and  feeble. 

You  would  find  light  reading  an  amusement, 
not  indeed  late  at  night,  or  in  bed,  or  when 
greatly  fatigued  in  body,  but  when  fresh  and 
vigorous,  and  lively  and  happy.  She,  on  the 
contrary,  would  find  reading  irksome  at  all 
times,  and  would  hardly  be  benefited  by  it. 


58  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

Conversation  on  the  contrary  is  the  best  thing 
for  her. 

And  thus  it  would  be,  through  the  whole 
circle  of  your  acquaintance,  were  these  real 
wants  corusidered.  One  would  require  this  ex- 
ercise, another  that.  One  would  require  this 
combination  of  exercise,  another  a  different  one. 
But  then  all,  as  a  general  rule,  demand  pure 
ah,  a  cheerful  mind,  and  a  warm  heart.  All 
require  their  undivided  energies  for  the  time. 
You  must  not  be  half  interested  in  them,  but 
wholly  so. 

But  I  do  not  expect  to  give  you  a  whole 
volume  on  amusements  in  the  compass  of .  a 
single  letter.  All  I  can  reasonably  hope  to  do 
is  to  establish  in  your  mind  a  fcAV  correct 
principles,  and  then  leave  the  application  of 
these  principles  to  your  own  good  common 
sense.  Happy  will  it  be  for  you,  and  for  all 
concerned  with,  or  dependent  on  you,  if  you 
make  the  application  wisely  and  judiciously. 

One  difficulty  in  relation  to  this  matter,  has 
been  alluded  to  in  connection  with  another 
subject.  Young  women  are  unwilling  to  think. 
Some  are  more  averse  to  thinking  than  your- 


AMUSEMENTS.  59 

self.  But  all,  or  almost  all,  are  faulty  in  this 
particular ;  and  hence  the  importance  of  being 
frequently  and  earnestly  admonished. 

Is  it  necessary  to  remind  you,  that  there  is 
danger  of  amusing  yourself  too  much  ?  It  would 
not  be  necessary  to  remind  your  bilious  neigh- 
bor of  it ;  she  will  never  give  up  time  enough 
to  her  amusements.  Her  great,  I  might  al- 
most say  morbid  or  diseased  conscientiousness, 
would  forbid  it,  if  nothing  else  should.  With 
regard  to  yourself,  deep  principle  might  be  op- 
erative to  restrain  you  ;  but  not  an  over-active 
or  high-wrought  conscientiousness,  except  in 
case  of  diseased  nerves  and  brain.  And  yet, 
though  I  am  compelled  to  remind  you  that 
there  is  such  a  thing  in  the  world  as  morbid 
conscientiousness,  it  is  exceedingly  rare.  Most 
persons  have  too  little  rather  than  too  much  of 
this  commodity.  It  is  a  fault  of  the  age,  so  it 
seems  to  me,  to  ask.  What  will  people  say, 
rather  than.  What  is  right  ?  or,  "What  does  God 
say? 

Few  among  us  come  up  to  the  requisition  of 
the  inspired  penman.  This  is  true,  even  in  re- 
gard to  the  most  sacred  things ;  how  much  more 


60  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOUNG  LADIES. 

SO,  in  regard  to  the  common  every-day  concerns 
of  life  !  How  few  among  us  labor  from  day  to 
day,  from  hour  to  hour,  from  moment  to  mo- 
ment, to  do  all  to  the  glory  of  God  ! 


CHAPTEE  Y. 

EMPLOYMENTS. 

Many  things  which  belong  to  the  subject  of 
employments  were  anticipated  by  my  last  let- 
ter. It  iSj  indeed,  difficult  to  draw  a  line  of 
demarkation  between  employments  and  amuse- 
ments. They  blend  with  and  run  into  each 
other.  Emplopnents  sometimes  become  amuse- 
ments ;  and  amusements,  too  often,  partake  of 
the  nature  of  sober  employments. 

The  word  employment,  indeed,  in  a  very 
general  sense,  includes  every  thing  which  in- 
telligent creatures  can  do.  But  there  is  a  more 
particular  sense,  in  which  we  frequently  use 
it,  viz.,  to  designate  or  distinguish  those  avoca- 
tions, or  duties,  or  exercises,  in  which  we  ha- 
bitually engage,  in  order  to  obtain  our  reputa- 
tion or  our  liveUhood. 


62  GIFT   BOOK    FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

God  has  kindly  made  it  necessary  for  mankind 
to  labor,  in  order  that  they  may  eat  and  drink. 
That  which  many  regard  as  a  curse,  is  thus  con- 
verted into  a  blessing.  It  is  a  blessing,  because 
it  prevents  idleness,  and  its  long  train  of  dan- 
gers. It  is  a  blessing,  because  it  conduces  to 
health ;  and  this,  in  a  thousand  ways. 

You  are  one  of  those  who  labor  for  a  sup- 
port, and  who  consequently,  if  you  labor  right, 
receive  the  blessings  which  are  annexed.  By 
means  of  this  labor,  you  have  escaped  a  thou- 
sand temptations  and  a  thousand  dangers. 
You  have  escaped  also  many  diseases  to  which 
you  would  otherwise  have  been  subjected,  as 
well  as  much  suffering  which  would  have 
fallen  to  your  lot,  had  not  the  diseases  with 
which  you  have  already  been  afflicted  been 
greatly  mitigated  in  regard  to  their  severity, 
by  your  habits  of  exercise  in  the  house  and  in 
the  garden. 

Some  young  women  have  been  less  fortu- 
nate. Their  employments  have  been  assigned 
to  them  by  parents  who  did  not  understand 
their  temperaments,  or  their  tendencies  to  dis- 
ease.   Perhaps  they  ought  to  have  been  house- 


EMPLOYMENTS.  63 

keepers ;  but  they  have  been  made  milhners 
or  seamstresses.  Their  temperaments  and  dis- 
eased constitutions  required  active  exercise, 
and  free  space  ;  but  they  have  been  deprived 
of  both. 

Others,  predisposed  to  scrofula  or  consump- 
iion,  to  whom  active  exercise,  in  the  open  air, 
is  more  necessary,  if  possible,  than  to  any  other 
class,  are  plunged  into  the  factory.  There,  in 
a  vitiated,  overheated  atmosphere,  they  spend 
twelve,  fourteen,  or  sixteen  hours  of  each  day, 
and  hardly  breathe  a  better  atmosphere  when 
they  return  to  their  boarding-houses,  and  retire 
to  their  sleeping-rooms. 

Here  again,  you  have  been  peculiarly  fortu- 
nate. Had  you  been  consigned,  at  ten,  twelve, 
or  fourteen  years  of  age,  to  the  hot,  murky, 
foul  air  of  the  tailor's  shop,  or  the  factory,  or 
what  is  but  little  better,  the  confined  and  often 
very  impure  air  of  a  millinery,  you  would 
probably  have  been  laid  in  your  grave  seven 
or  eight  years  ago.  Or  had  you  survived,  your 
life  would  have  been  of  little  value  to  your- 
self, or  to  those  around  you. 

And  yet  your  constitution  is  as  well  fitted 


64  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   TOriJ-G   LADIES. 

for  sedentary  employments  as  himdreds  an/ 
thousands,  who  are  trained  to  them.  But  ob- 
serve, if  you  please,  that  not  all  who  are  trained 
to  an  employment  pursue  it  as  a  means  of 
earning  a  livelihood.  Not  a  few  fall  into  other 
business,  at  least  if  they  do  not  cripple  them- 
selves so  as  to  be  unfitted  for  any  other. 

That  a  few  die,  as  the  result  of  a  wrong 
choice  of  occupation  by  the  parent,  (for  it  is  on 
parents  and  masters  that  the  blame  must,  after 
all,  principally  fall,)  though  a  great  evil,  is  an 
evil  not  half  so  great  as  another  which  I  could 
name — and  which,  indeed,  I  must  advert  to 
briefly,  in  order  to  complete  my  plan. 

I  refer  to  the  deterioration  of  the  race,  to 
which  we  belong.  Now  it  is  alike  a  doctrine 
of  scriptm-e  and  reason,  that  none  of  us  live 
or  die  to  ourselves.  Indeed,  such  is  the  struc- 
ture of  society,  that  we  cannot  do  so,  if  we 
would. 

Suppose  a  young  woman  goes  into  a  factory 
as  well  ©rdered  as  those  of  Lowell.  Suppose 
that  by  virtue  of  a  good  constitution,  she  does 
not  actually  become  sick.  Suppose  she  is  even 
able  to  remain  six,  or  eight,  or  ten  years. 


EMPLOYMENTS.  65 

^  Will  any  one  say  that  because  she  does  not 
Wdie  at  the  factory,  or  does  not  come  out  of  it 
^  crippled  for  life,  therefore  no  great  mischief  is 
done  ?  Has  the  question  ever  yet  been  settled, 
which  is  the  greatest  actual  loss  to  society,  one 
person  killed  outright — or  ten,  or  twenty,  or 
forty  injured ;  some  of  them  greatly  injured, 
for  the  rest  of  their  lives  ? 

And  as  the  whole  tendency  of  the  whole 
thing  is  and  must  be  downward — that  is,  to 
the  deterioration  of  successive  generations — ^has 
it  ever  been  ascertained  how  much  more  one 
life  is  worth  in  the  present  generation,  than 
one  in  the  next,  or  the  third  ?  To  explain  a 
little.  Suppose  a  course  to  be  taken  in  life, 
with  regard  to  employment,  which,  while  it 
permits  the  individual  to  linger  out  half  her 
days  or  more  amid  many  ills,  yet  with  entire 
certainty  entails  on  offspring  the  possibility — • 
aye,  the  necessity — of  dying  prematurely,  and 
of  being  good  for  nothing,  except  by  being  a 
burden  to  try  the  patience,  and  faith,  and  love, 
of  others.  Is  it  settled  that  such  a  course  is 
right  ? 

As  the  cultivation  of  our  mother  earth,  in 


66  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

a  rational  manner,  is,  after  all,  the  most  honor- 
able and  most  useful  employment  for  our  sex,  ^ 
so  the  kindred  occupation  of  taking  care  of  the  ^ 
house,  and  feeding  the  bodies,  minds,  and 
hearts  of  its  occupants,  is  the  noblest  employ- 
ment— the  blessed  prerogative,  may  I  not  call 
it — of  your  own. 

Other  occupations  indeed  there  must  be,  and 
to  some  of  them,  in  the  good  providence  Of 
God,  you  might  have  been — may  yet  be,  even 
now — called.  But,  do  not  choose  them.  Submit, 
if  you  must ;  nothing  more.  So  of  others.  They 
may,  in  some  instances,  go  to  the  factory  or  to 
sedentary  employments,  with  more  of  safety  to 
their  constitutions  and  to  their  progeny  than 
you  ;  but  they,  even,  will  be  still  better  off  to 
do  housework. 

But  whatever  may  be  your  choice  or  your 
destiny,  let  it  be  pursued  in  the  fear  of  God, 
and  in  due  obedience  to  all  his  laws,  physical 
and  moral,  as  much  as  may  be.  If  you  can- 
not do  all  you  would  desire,  you  can  at  least 
do  all  in  your  power.  God  is  not  a  hard  mas- 
ter;  he  only  requires  of  you  what  he   has 


EMPLOYMENTS.  67 

given  you  capacity  and  opportunity  to  perform. 
And  never  forget,  that 

"  Who  does  the  best  her  circumstance  allows 
Does  well ;  acts  nobly  ;  angels  could  no  more." 

One  thing  of  high  importance  has  been  more 
than  hinted  at,  in  my  last  letter.  No  employ- 
ment, not  even  housekeeping,  is  so  healthy  as 
to  excuse  you  from  the  necessity  of  spending 
several  hours  of  each  day  in  your  garden.  T 
was  going  to  make  an  exception  to  this  rule, 
on  account  of  unfavorable  weather,  but  if  you 
accustom  yourself  to  all  sorts  of  weather  there 
are  very  few  days  of  spring,  summer  or  autumn, 
in  which  you  cannot  labor  more  or  less  in  the 
open  air. 

Whatever  you  do,  moreover,  do  it  with  all 
your  mighit.  It  is  an  old  saying,  that  "  What- 
ever is  worth  doing,  is  worth  doing  well ;"'  to 
which  might  be  added  another,  viz.,  "Whatever 
is  worth  doing  at  all,  is  worth  doing  with  all 
your  might."  I  do  not  mean  with  violence,  but 
with  great  earnestness.  I  cannot  help  respect- ' 
ing  the  individual  who  throws  his  whole  soul^ 


68  GUT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

as  it  were,  into  all  lawful  employmentSj  associ- 
ations and  amusements,  be  they  ever  so  trivial. 
Finally,  in  making  up  your  mind,  in  regard 
to  an  employment  for  life — if  indeed  your  life 
is  not  already  decided  for  you — do  not  ask,  I 
say  once  more.  What  will  people  say?  At 
least,  if  you  ask  this  question  at  all,  let  it  by 
all  means  be  an  afterthought.  It  is  of  far  less 
consequence  what  others  think  of  yoUj  than  it 
is  what  God  and  your  own  conscien('°.  think  of 
you.  The  good  opmion  of  others,  I  grant,  is 
not  to  be  despised  ;  but  it  is  of  less  consequence 
than  some  young  women  imagme. 


CHAPTEE  YI. 

STUDIES,  BOOKS,  ETC. 

Among  the  items  of  duty  to  herself,  to  which 
the  attention  of  a  young  woman  should  be 
called,  as  a  means  of  forming  her  character,  as 
a  missionary,  is  the  pursuit  of  appropriate 
studies.  Do  you  say  that  your  study  days  are 
over  ?  They  are  never  over  while  life  contin- 
ues. They  are  never  over  while  you  are  sus- 
ceptible of  the  smallest  degree  of  improvement. 
In  truth,  the  business  of  the  schools,  you 
have  attended,  was  not  so  much  to  study,  as 
to  learn  how  to  study — to  obtain  the  keys  of 
knowledge,  rather  than  to  milock  her  treasures. 
Some  present  reward — some  grains  of  gold — 
there  indeed  is ;  but  the  reward,  or  treasure,  is 
chiefly  in  reserve  for  riper  years. 

I  was  once  associated  with  three  other  indi- 
4 


70  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOFK'G   LADIES. 

viduals,  in  conducting  as  many  divisions  of  a 
large  Bible  class.  Many  of  our  pupils  were  as 
old  as  ourselves — men  and  women  of  large  and 
liberal  education.  In  this  case  we  were  obliged 
to  study  as  teachers,  and  to  study  hard ;  and 
the  Rev.  Dr.  Anderson,  who  was  one  of  the 
four  teachers,  advised  that  we  should  make 
our  reading,  during  the  whole  week^  to  bear 
upon  the  subjects  of  our  lesson. 

The  suggestion  was  deemed  worthy  of  our 
attention,  and  was,  to  some  extent,  heeded. 
Would  that  it  had  been  more  closely  attended 
to  on  my  own  part  than  it  was.  And  you, 
who  are  a  Sabbath  school  teacher,  may  profit 
from  the  same  suggestion.  For  if  we,  who 
were  already  in  the  middle  of  life ,  or  beyond 
it,  were  required  to  study,  surely  you  are. 

But  suppose  you  had  nothing  to  do  with  the 
Sabbath  school.  You  are  a  teacher  in  the  pub- 
lic schools.  Will  not  Dr.  A.'s  suggestion  still 
apply?  In  truth  I  know  of  no  occupation — I 
certainly  never  followed  one^ — ^which  requires 
harder  study  than  common  or  public  school- 
keeping. 

Some  there  are,  I  well  know,  who  tell  us 


STUDIES,    BOOKS,    ETC.  71 

that  in  conducting  small  elementary  schools, 
or  indeed  our  larger  town  schools,  little  know- 
ledge is  required,  beyond  what  is  usually  ob- 
tained beforehand,  in  the  progress  of  our  own 
attendance  on  the  same  class  of  schools.  They 
tell  us  that  if  a  teacher  loves  her  school,  has  a 
tact  at  communicating  knowledge,  and  has  a 
thorough  acquaintance  with  the  branches  she 
teaches,  such  as  reading,  spelling,  defining, 
writing,  grammar,  geography,  history,  physiol- 
ogy, &c.,  nothing  more  is  necessary. 

But  granting  all  this,  is  there  nothing  for  her 
to  do,  in  the  way  of  study,  who  has  "passed  a 
good  examination,"  as  it  is  called,  and  is  fairly 
seated  in  the  pedagogic  chair?  Is  she  so  well 
skilled  in  all  the  branches  I  have  meiftioned  of 
a  good  English  education,  as  to  be  already  per- 
fect? If  so,  she  is  quite  different  from  any 
thing  which,  as  a  teacher  or  committee  man,  I 
have  ever  yet  met  with.  The  best  teachers  I 
have  ever  known  have  found  themselves  profit- 
ed, at  least  for  a  few  terms,  at  the  first,  in  hard 
study  even  of  these  common  branches. 

Besides,  it  is  not  true  that  we  are  not  benefit- 
ed in  our  profession,  by  studying  those  sciences 


72  GIFT   BOOK   FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

we  are  not  required  to  teach.  For  such  is  the 
connection  and  dependence  of  the  whole  circle 
of  human  science,  that  every  thing  aids  in  the 
understanding  of  every  thmg  else.  Other 
things  being  equal,  one  who  has  studied  moral 
philosophy  or  even  divinity,  would  teach  school 
better  than  one  who  was  wholly  ignorant  of  all 
such  subjects. 

Again,  if  there  were  nothing  else  to  study, 
while  teaching,  you  might  study  the  art  or 
science  of  teaching,  as  well  as  that  of  disciplin- 
ing. We  have  books  now,  (though  there  weje 
none  twenty-five  years  ago,)  which,  along  with 
our  own  reflection,  will  greatly  aid  us  in  this 
important  work.  I  need  not  enumerate  them — 
it  is  suflicient  to  remind  3^ou  of  the  fact. 

My  story  of  Mr.  Emerson  would  be  in  place 
here  ;  but  I  have  given  it  in  my  second  letter, 
and  need  not  repeat  it.  Let  it  be,  however, 
distinctly  understood  that  every  day  should  find 
you  better  qualified  for  your  highly  responsible 
station  than  ever  before ;  and  that  consequently 
every  day  requires  fresh  eflbrt,  and  fresh  study. 

Perhaps  you  will  say,  "  But  there  is  a  possi- 
bility that  I  may  not  teach  much  longer,  and 


STUDIES,    BOOKS,    ETC.  73 

therefore  it  is  hardly  worth  while  to  waste  time 
on  that  which  after  the  present  season,  or  at 
least  another  term  or  two,  will  be  of  no  service 
to  me." 

This  objection  assumes  for  truth  one  mani- 
fcst  error.  If  the  great  work  of  woman  is,  under 
God,  the  education  of  her  household,  then  every 
possible  preparation  which  she  can  make  as  a 
teacher,  Avili  be  almost  as  good  a  preparation 
for  the  discharge  of  her  duties  in  the  family ; 
especially  all  which  relates  to  the  art  of  disci- 
pline. 

Besides,  you  must  never  forget,  that  if  you 
would  come  up  to  the  spirit  of  your  mission, 
you  must  not  only  strive  to  do  whatever  you 
are  doing  in  the  best  possible  manner,  but  also 
to  improve  upon  yourself  from  day  to  day — to 
excel  yourself,  as  some  choose  to  call  it. 

I  know  not  but  I  have  dwelt  too  long  on  this 
subject  of  study  in  reference  to  school-keeping, 
because  this,  though  an  important  vocation,  is 
but  one  among  many  to  which  young  women 
in  our  day  are  called.  But  I  will  return  to  our 
subject. 

Housekeeping,  as  a  science — and  such  it  de- 


/4  GIFT    BOOK    FOE    YOUXQ   LADIES. 

serves  to  be  regarded — requires  as  much  study, 
for  aught  I  know,  as  the  science  of  teaching. 
That  it  has  not  been  studied  by  most,  is  cheer- 
fully admitted ;  but  is  it  a  sufficient  reason 
why  a  thing  should  never  he,  to  say  that  it 
has  never  yet  been  7 

What  housekeeper  is  there  among  us,  worthy 
of  the  name  of  housekeeper,  who  would  not  be 
far  better  fitted  for  her  vocation  by  studying 
Physiology  and  Chemistry,  especially  the  lat- 
ter ?  For  my  own  part,  I  see  not  how  a  Chris- 
tian woman  of  but  common  intelligence,  should 
dare,  in  our  own  time,  at  least,  to  make  a  loaf 
of  bread  without  a  thorough  knowledge  of  Che- 
mistry— ^I  mean,  provided  she  makes  it  in  the 
existing  fashion. 

In  order,  moreover,  to  exert  a  proper  influ- 
ence over  others,  the  study  of  mental  philoso- 
phy seems  to  me  necessary.  .  For  since  your 
sex  is  to  rule  the  world,  as  Mr.  Flint  expresses 
it,  you  ought  to  be  qualified  to  rule  it  in  right- 
eousness. You  ought  to  understand  well  the 
constitutional  structure  of  your  subjects.  You 
ought  to  understand  their  minds  and  your  own, 
no  less  than  your  and  their  bodies.     Moral 


STUDIES,    BOOKS,    ETC.  75 

philosophy  I  have  ah'eady  incidentally  recom- 
mended. 

I  do  not  believe  it  to  be  necessary  that  you 
should  dive  into  all  the  intricacies  of  philosophy, 
mental  or  moral.  It  is  a  practical  psycholo- 
gist, I  would  make  you,  rather  than  a  theo- 
retical one.  In  truth,  it  is  practical  life — the 
formation  of  every-day  character — at  which  I 
would  aim  throughout. 

Great  importance,  in  these  days,  is  attached 
to  the  study  of  the  French,  and  Italian,  and 
Spanish,  and  Latin  languages.  Now  I  have 
no  objection  to  the  study  of  the  languages, 
living  or  dead,  by  both  sexes,  if  they  have  timie 
for  it.  But  have  they  ?  Is  life  long  enough 
to  enable  those  who  are  obliged — and  who 
ought — to  sustain  themselves  by  their  own  ex- 
ertions, to  study  every  thing  which  might  be 
desirable,  and  at  the  same  time,  be  thorough 
in  it  ? 

Let  me  say  here,  once  for  all,  that  in  what- 
ever you  undertake,  you  should  be  thorough. 
That  is,  as  far  as  you  go,  be  sure  to  go  right, 
i  have  said  that  at  the  first  you  are  merely 
getting  hold  of  the  keys  of  knowledge ;  but 


76  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUi^G    LADIES. 

\ 

then  you  must  be  very  sure  of  the  keys,  or  yon 
will  make  but  miserable  work  in  subsequent 
hfe. 

The  mathematics  I  believe  to  be  of  more 
real  importance  to  you,  as  a  means  of  strength- 
ening your  mental  faculties,  than  the  lan- 
guages. This  matter  may  be  carried  too  far, 
in  some  of  our  schools  ;  but  it  is  not  generally 
so.  I  think  very  highly,  in  females,  of  a  turn 
for  the  study  of  the  exact  sciences. 

Still  I  admit  we  can  have  much  of  the  dis- 
cipline which  the  study  of  the  mathematics 
Thrill  secure,  by  a  due  attention  to  natural  sci- 
ence. I  may  have  said  enough  already  of 
Physiology,  and  perhaps  of  Chemistry.  And 
yet  I  am  not  quite  sure  of  this.  Chemistryj 
for  both  sexes,  if  studied  in  a  proper  spirit  and 
manner,  is  one  of  the  noblest  and  most  practi- 
cal of  the  sciences. 

Closely  allied  to  Chemistry  are  Botany,  Min- 
eralogy, Geology,  &c.  Now  I  have  not  a  taste 
for  these  sciences,  and  shall  not  therefore  be 
likely  to  exalt  them  unduly.  Yet  I  am  free 
to  say  that  I  consider  them  secondary  to  but 
two  subjects — Chemistry  and  Natural  History. 


STUDIES,    BOOKS,    ETC.  11 

otany  I  am  sure  is  of  vast  importance  ;  Ge- 
.ogy  I  think  must  be. 

I  have  incidentally  spoken  in  praise  of  Natu- 
il  History.  The  natural  history  of  man  is  first 
a  order,  and  first  in  point  of  importance.  And 
^et,  while  we  have  a  score  or  two  of  Natural 
listories  of  the  animals  below  man — all  good, 
md  deserving  of  the  eclat  they  have  received 
—we  have  not  a  single  work  on  the  Natural 
History  of  our  own  species,  which  is  worth 
your  perusal. 

Such  a  work,  for  the  young,  is  yet  a  desid- 
eratum— but  I  trust  will  not  long  remain  so. 
The  ingenuity  as  well  as  enterprise  of  the  age, 
will  surely  bring  to  the  market,  mtellectually, 
that  for  which  there  is  a  demand.  And  it  can- 
not be  that  a  thinking  people — a  people,  at 
least,  who  study  Hygiene — will  long  defer  to 
demand  such  a  work. 


CHAPTER  YH. 

MORAL    CHARACTER. 

It  is  an  old  maxim,  in  reference  to  the  high 
tone  of  female  character,  that  "  Caesar's  wife 
should  not  even  be  suspected."  But  there 
would  be  less  occasion  for  the  application  of 
the  maxim  to  Caesar's  wife,  if  the  daughter 
were  what  she  should  be  in  the  outset.  As  is 
the  daughter,  for  a  general  rule,  to  which  no 
doubt  there  may  be  exceptions,  so  is  the  wife 
and  the  mother. 

You  will  wonder,  perhaps,  what  I  can  have 
to  say  to  young  women  about  their  morals. 
Are  they  not  already  irreproachable  in  New 
England,  and  indeed  all  over  our  Union  ?  Is 
there  a  spot,  in  the  wide  world,  where  female 
education  has  been  so  successful  in  establish- 


MORAL    CHARACTER.  79 

iiig  a  high  standard  of  female  virtue  and  gen- 
eral character? 

Most  certainly  there  is  not.  I  know  well  to 
whom  I  speak.  "Were  I  addressing  the  young 
women  of  central  Asia,  or  even  of  central  Eu- 
rope, I  should  address  them  without  hope. 
Except  a  favored  few,  they  would  not  have 
virtue  and  purity  enough  to  understand  me, 
when  I  speak  on  such  subjects.  As  it  requires 
a  good  degree  of  knowledge  to  enable  us  to  set 
a  just  value  on  knowledge,  so  it  requires  a  good 
deal  of  virtue  and  morality  to  enable  us  to  prize 
virtue  and  morality,  and  to  seek  for  them  as 
for  hid  treasures. 

Remember  then — I  repeat  the  sentiment— 
that  you  do  not  live  in  the  dark  ages,  nor  in  yet 
more  darkened  regions  of  the  earth.  You  live 
in  the  nineteenth  century^  and  are  to  aid  in 
forming  character  for  the  twentieth.  You  do  not 
live  in  the  heart  of  Africa  or  South  America,  or 
in  the  backwoods  of  America.  Your  lot  is  more 
favorably  cast.  You  are  exalted  to  heaven, 
as  it  were,  in  point  of  privileges. 

Let  your  character,  then,  correspond  to  the 
high  station  you  are  to  occupy.     Fill  your 


80  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

minds  with  the  great  idea  that  you  are  to  co- 
operate with  Christ  in  the  noble  work  of  human 
redemption.  In  tliis  particular  3^ou  can  hardly 
have  your  views  too  exalted.  You  are  not  only 
to  co-operate  with,  but  to  represent,  or  as  some 
theologians  say,  reproduce  the  Saviour  in  your 
own  heart,  and  in  the  hearts  of  others. 

Of  course  I  do  not  forget  that  I  have  already, 
in  one  or  two  instances,  directed  your  attention 
to  this  great  subject.  But  you  will  excuse  me, 
I  know,  for  referring  to  it  again.  It  is,  to  me, 
when  I  think  of  the  true  position  of  woman  in 
society,  a  most  delightful  theme.  It  would  be 
so,  were  I  to  speak  of  it  as  a  mere  matter  of 
philosophy. 

But  I  do  not  refer  to  it  as  a  matter  of  mere 
philosophy,  at  least  of  human  philosophy.  It 
is  indeed  philosophy,  but  it  is  Christian  philo- 
sophy. It  has  been  baptized.  The  great  idea 
of  Paul — "  Whatsoever  ye  do  in  word  or  deed, 
do  all  in  the  name  of  the  Lord  Jesus  ;"  in  other 
words,-  "  In  your  whole  character,  be  Christ's 
true  representatives" — could  never  have  had 
any  other  than  a  divine  origin. 

Do  not  be  afraid  of  either  philosophy  or 


MORAL    CHARACTER.  81 

Christianity,  if  you  would  accomiolish  your 
mission.  Tliey  both  come  from  the  skies. 
They  are  both  for  you.  They  are  for  woman. 
They  are  for  young  women.  They  are  for 
woman,  moreover,  in  every  condition  of  home 
society — educated  or  uneducated.  It  does  not 
require  a  deep  knowledge  of  the  sciences  to 
read  of  Jesus,  and  learn  of  him,  and  know 
how  to  imitate  him. 

I  have  no  special  objection  to  your  studying 
Chesterfield.  As  you  may  obtain  nourishment 
to  the  body  from  almost  every  kind  of  food,  so 
your  immortal  part  may  find  somewhat  to  aid 
its  progress  and  growth  in  the  driest  and  most 
unchristian  volumes  on  character.  I  have  not  a 
doubt  you  might  gain  something  in  spiritual 
growth,  by  reading  the  works  of  Confucius, 
Gaudama,  and  Zoroaster. 

Did  I  say  I  had  no  objection  to  your  study- 
ing Chesterfield?  I  mean  not  so  much.  It 
would  be  a  waste  of  time,  if  no  more.  The 
old  vulgar  maxim  that  half  a  loaf  is  better  than 
no  loaf  at  all,  will  not  apply  in  this  case,  be- 
cause this  is  no  occasion  for  accepting  the  half- 
loaf.     You  may  as  well  have  the  whole,  and 


82  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

therefore,  on  the  great  Christian  principle  that 
binds  you  to  take  the  best  course,  you  would 
be  culpable  not  to  take  the  whole.  Your  time 
is  short  at  the  longest.  You  have  no  right  to 
read  Confucius,  or  Socrates,  or  Chesterfield  ; 
for  you  may  just  as  well  read  Jesus  Christ. 

Be  entreated  then  to  read  him — and  what  is 
more,  learn  to  represent  him.  Learn  to  do  this, 
moreover,  at  every  step  you  take.  It  is  not 
enough  that  your  general  intention  is  to  imitate 
or  represent  him.  There  are  thousands  of  your 
sex,  and  ten  thousand  of  mine,  who  talk  well, 
and  receive  into  their  heads  good  sound  philo- 
sophy and  Christianity  ;  but  that  is  nearly  all. 
For  the  far  greater  part,  it  produces  no  practical 
effect  on  the  life.    It 

"  Plays  round  the  head,  but  comes  not  to  the  heart.'* 

It  seems  to  me  reserved,  by  Providence,  for 
woman  to  make  a  practical  application  of  phi- 
losophy and  Christianity  to  life,  as  it  is.  In- 
deed, as  I  shall  say  more  fully  hereafter,  I 
doubt  whether  the  application  will  ever  be 
made  till   woman  makes  it.     Or,  in  the  Ian- 


MORAL    CHARACTER.  83 

guage  of  Mr.  Flint,  if  the  world  is  to  be  made 
better,  woman  must  take  the  lead  in  improving 
it. 

For  what  means  the  great  fact  that  more 
females  embrace  Christianity — lowered  down 
as  its  standard  may  be — than  males  ?  What 
means  it,  that  degraded  and  depressed  as  wo- 
man ever  has  been  and  still  is,  she  is  yet  much 
purer  and  lovelier  than  man  ?  What  means 
the  great  fact,  that  trodden  down  in  the  streets 
as  she  has  been,  she  has  founded  hospitals  and 
many  other  noble  and  charitable  institutions  ? 
What  means  the  still  greater  fact,  that  despite 
of  the  demands  of  society  that  woman  should 
serve — as  Martha  of  Bethany  did,  and  as  anx- 
iously— woman  was  the  frequent  follower  of 
Jesus ;  clung  longest  to  the  foot  of  the  cross, 
and  was  earliest  at  the  sepulchre  on  the  morn- 
ing of  the  resurrection? 

If  you  evei  hear  the  charge  made  that  wo- 
man is  the  weaker  vessel,  and  is  so  because 
she  is  more  ready  than  our  sex  to  embrace 
Christianity — when  you  hear  the  same  slur  in 
other  forms,  thousands  of  them — do  not  give 
yourself  any  trouble   about   it.     In  the   first 


84  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

place,  it  often  comes  from  a  class  of  men  who 
would  do  much  better,  if  they  would  sat  them- 
selves about  the  work  of  self-improvement, 
than  to  endeavor  to  detract  from  the  merit  of  a 
sex  to  which,  after  all,  they  owe  under  God  all 
that  they  now  are,  which  is  worth  possessing, 
as  well  as  much  that  they  have,  most  unhap- 
pily for  themselves,  cast  off. 

Indeed  it  is  not  a  little  in  behalf  of  female 
character,  if  not  of  female  piety,  that  these  self' 
same  traducers  of  your  sex  do,  after  all,  secret- 
ly respect  it.  Not  so  much  I  grant,  as  if  they 
had  not  heard  the  repeated  slanders  which 
have  been  retailed  from  dissolute  writers  and 
wholesale  libertines.  Still  there  is  an  innate 
feeling  of  respect  which  they  cannot  get  rid  of, 
if  they  would. 

You  may  hence  see  that  you  have  power — 
that  you  do,  as  a  matter  of  fact,  rule  the  world. 
For  if  you  have  but  a  slight  influence  over  the 
bad,  your  influence  is,  of  course,  much  greater 
with  the  good.  And  this  is  true  in  regard  to 
your  influence  with  both  sexes.  Be  encouraged, 
then.  Have  special  courage,  moreover,  when 
I  tell  you  that  young  women  have  more  influ- 


MORAL    CHARACTER.  85 

ence  with  our  sex,  than  old  ones.  I  do  not  say 
it  should  be  so  ;  that  would  be  to  discuss  quite 
another  question.  I  speak  now  only  of  what 
is. 

But  I  must  close  this  letter.  It  need  not  be 
long,  if  my  general  views  are  correct ;  because 
however  elevated  the  character  of  woman — 
however  influential  she  may  be,  and  however 
great  the  duties  she  owes  to  herself  to  qualify 
herself  for  fulfilling  her  mission — she  will  do 
most  for  herself  while  laboring  most  for  others. 
He  that  watereth  shall  himself  be  watered,  is 
not  only  scriptural,  but  in  accordance  with 
every  day's  observation  of  all  who  have  their 
eyes  open  to  what  is  going  on.  either  in  the 
world  without  or  that  within. 

In  subsequent  letters  I  will,  therefore,  en- 
deavor to  point  out,  in  my  own  plain  way, 
some  of  the  numerous  and  weighty  duties  you 
owe  to  others. 


CHAPTER  YIII. 

ASSOCIATES    IN   THE    FAMILY. 

Every  young  woman  has  a  work  to  do  in  the 
family.  It  was  not  Cain  alone  to  whom  the  Al- 
mighty Maker  of  heaven  and  earth  once  said, 
''  to  thee  shall  be  his  desire,  (Abel's,)  and  thou 
shalt  rule  over  him."  The  command  is  to  all 
elder  brothers  and  sisters,  as  well  as  to  the  first. 
It  comes  down  to  you,  my  dear  friend,  among 
the  rest. 

Your  mission,  I  say,  then — so  far  as  others 
are  concerned — begins  in  the  family  where  you 
were  born,  and  still  reside.  You  have  younger 
brothers  and  sisters.  Over  these  you  have  rule. 
You  have  it,  indeed,  in  virtue  of  the  general 
law  already  so  frequently  alluded  to,  that  wo- 
man rules  the  world  ;  but  you  have  it  still 
more  directly,  if  possible,  in  the  divine  deter- 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  87 

mination — except  in  case  of  some  strange  ex- 
ception, lilve  that  of  Esau  and  Jacob — that  the 
younger  shall  serve  the  elder. 

Do  not  misunderstand  me,  however.  The 
greatest  of  rulers,  after  all,  is  he  or  she  who 
serves  most.  "To  thee  shall  be  his  desire, 
and  thou  shalt  rule  over  him,"  does  not  mean 
that  there  shall  be  servility,  in  the  usual  sense 
of  the  term,  on  the  one  hand,  or  tyranny  on  the 
other.  It  means  simply,  that  the  younger  is 
made  dependent  on  the  older  for  a  thousand 
things  and  favors  which  Providence  has  put  it 
in  the  power  of  the  older,  as  a  wise  ruler  over 
his  subjects,  to  supply. 

I  have  said  that  the  greatest  of  rulers  is  he 
who  serves  most.  Will  you  pardon,  here,  a 
momentary  digression — -just  to  illustrate  this 
great  truth  ?  Did  not  our  Divine  Master  say,  "  I 
am  among  you  as  he  that  serveth  ?"  Does 
not  the  Father  of  the  Universe  serve  or  minis- 
ter to  his  creatures  continually ;  and  has  he  not 
done  so  for  thousands  of  years  ?  In  truth,  is 
not  the  best  earthly  monarch,  he  who  serves 
most  ?  If  you  doubt,  read  history,  both  sacred 
and  profane. 


yy  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

Be  this  then  the  spirit  of  your  rule  over  the 
younger  members  of  the  family  where  you  re- 
side, whether  they  are  your  brothers  and  sis- 
ters or  not.  Those  who  are  not  related  to  you 
by  blood,  have  a  measure  of  the  same  depend- 
ence on  you  that  Abel  had  on  Cain,  and  may 
consequently  claim  the  same  sort  of  service,  in 
the  way  of  ruling  over  them,  that  Abel  had  a 
right  to  claim. 

Fulfil,  then,  your  mission.  Oh,  how  many 
have  looked  at  the  mark  on  Cain,  and  yet  gone 
away,  and  betrayed  their  high  trust  almost  as 
effectually  as  he  !  They  have  not,  it  is  true, 
murdered  the  body,  nor  even  in  a  direct  man- 
ner the  soul.  But  they  have  done  the  latter 
indirectly.  They  have  left  it  to  be  starved, 
when  they  were  expected  to  feed  it. 

Would  Cain  have  been  guiltless  had  he  only 
suffered  Abel  to  die  from  neglect  7  And  are 
you  guiltless,  who  only  suffer  a  soul  to  perish, 
at  your  very  side,  from  sheer  inatteniion  ? 

Suppose,  however,  you  do  more  than  this. 
Instead  of  exerting  a  proper  authority  and  in- 
fluence— the  authority  and  influence  of  a  heav 
enly  example — suppose  you  set,  m  any  respect 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  89 

a  bad  example,  and  thus  not  mersly  sujfer  an 
immortal  mind  to  sink  for  want  of  care,  but 
actually  thrust  it  down  to  hell  ? 

I  may  express  myself  strongly — ^but  have  I 
not  a  right  to  do  so  ?  Nay,  is  it  not  my  duty 
to  do  so?  How  many  young  women  have 
been  employed  at  the  toilet  or  in  reading  Byron 
or  Bulwer,  just  to  while  away  that  time  God 
had  given  them  for  the  sole  purpose  of  enabling 
them  to  snatch  a  younger  brother,  sister  or  de- 
pendent, from  eternal  woe  !  On  how  many  wo- 
men young  as  yourself,  and  situated  like  your- 
self, has  time  hung  so  heavily,  that  they  did  not 
seem  to  know  what  to  do  with  it,  except  by 
murdering  it,  and  thus  adding  to  it  another 
crime,  equally  heinous  ; — that  of  practically 
murdering  one  or  more  of  those  immortal  spir- 
its for  whom  time  was  made  ! 

Woman  made  to  rule  the  world  ?  And  does 
this  mean  no  more  than  the  frequent  fulsome 
compliment,  Woman  is  pretty  ?  How  is  she  to 
rule  it  ?  And  when  and  where  is  she  to  begin, 
if  not  in  the  family  ?  Is  she  to  learn  first  the 
art  of  murdering  time,  and  influence,  and  spirit 
itself?     Or  is  she  to  learn  it  at  the  threshold 


90  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

of  her  existence  7  Is  she  to  rule  as  Cain  did  7 
or  shall  the  example  of  Cain,  with  five  thou- 
sand years  of  additional  experience,  recorded 
in  sacred  and  profane  history,  teach  her  a  bet- 
tor lesson  ? 

Do  you  say,  by  way  of  reply,  that  all  this 
devolves,  by  God's  appointment,  on  your  pa- 
rents— that  they  have  experience  in  education 
and  guidance  which  you  cannot,  of  course,  be 
expected  to  possess — and  that  Scripture  and 
reason  and  common  sense,  aye,  and  conscience 
herself,  unite  in  proclaiming  them  to  be  the 
rulers  of  the  family ;  and  7iot  the  brother  or  the 
sister  ? 

Your  objection  may  seem  plausible,  but  is 
it  satisfactory  ?  Parents  are  the  rulers  of  their 
children  according  to  your  statement ;  and  are 
appointed  to  be  so.  And  this  appointment  is 
on  account  of  their  superior  age,  power,  and 
experience.  But  does  this  conflict  at  all  with 
your  sphere  of  action  ?  Rather,  does  the  rule 
you  are  to  bear,  conflict  at  all  with  theirs  ? 
Does  it  not,  on  the  contraiy,  tend  to  sustain 
and  strengthen  it  ? 

For  look,  but  a  moment,  at  consequences. 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  9l 

Suppose  every  elder  son  and  daughter  in  the 
whole  world  were  to  co-operate  with  parents, 
and  with  the  great  Redeemer,  in  the  work  of 
training  each  younger  child  in  the  way  he 
should  go ;  how  long  would  it  be  before  every 
land  would  become  Emanuel's  ?  How  long 
before  holiness  to  the  Lord  would  be  every 
where  written  ?  How  long  before  the  whole 
earth  would  again  bloom,  as  one  mighty 
Eden? 

Observe,  if  you  please,  that  you  are  not 
required  to  do,  in  the  family,  what  you  cannot^ 
but  only  what  you  can.  You  are  not  required, 
in  fact,  to  lay  aside  your  labors,  or  even  your 
amusements.  If  it  were  so,  your  objection 
would  have  more  weight.  You  are  to  take 
care  of  yourself  in  the  first  place,  no  doubt. 
All  you  have  to  do  is,  while  thus  taking  care 
of  yourself,  to  do  what  you  can  for  others. 

And  this  brings  me  to  a  practical  part  of 
my  letter,  which  is  the  ways  and  means  of 
exerting  that  rule  of  which  I  have  been  speak- 
mg.  For  to  young  women  who  have,  as  has 
been  admitted,  but  a  very  limited  experience, 
it  IS  not  to  be  expected  general  assertions  or 


m 


92  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

abstract  statements  will  be  sufficient.  They 
ask,  and  are  entitled  to  receive  more  specific 
directions. 

Let  me  say,  however,  negativeiy,  m  the 
outset,  that  you  are  not  to  rule  over  the  young- 
er brother  or  sister  by  mere  reasoning  with 
them,  or  by  any  landmarks,  verbal  or  written. 
You  are  not  to  accomplish  your  work — fulfil 
your  mission — so  much  by  direct  efforts,  of 
any  sort,  as  by  more  indirect  means  and 
measures. 

The  first  thing  to  which  I  will  direct  your 
attention  is  their  amusements.  Join  them,  as 
much  as  you  can,  in  their  little  plays.  Surely 
you  can  demean  yourself  in  this  way,  for  a 
few  moments — can  you  not  ?  What  though 
you  are  their  superior  in  age  by  twelve,  or 
twenty  years  ?  Old  as  I  am,  I  could  not  only 
endure  most  of  their  amusements,  but,  had  I 
time  to  spare  for  it,  could  actually  enjoy  them. 

In  doing  this,  however,  be  a  httle  careful, 
especially  at  first,  not  to  mterfere,  too  much, 
with  their  own  free  agency?-.  Children,  like 
some  other  animals,  are  more  easily  led  than 
driven.     Plav  with  them,  I  sav.     Set  them  a 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  93 

good  example — one  of  truth,  fairness,  equity, 
and  kindness.  Teach  them,  even,  by  good 
language,  by  gentle  tones,  and  kind  looks. 

One  thing  should  be  said  preliminary  to  all 
this,  however.  You  need,  in  the  beginning, 
and  all  the  way  through,  to  have  the  love  of 
infancy  and  childhood.  Without  this,  you 
will  accomplish  but  little.  Most  women, 
indeed,  possess  this  qualification ;  but  there 
are  some  anomalies — not  to  say  monsters — in 
creation.  I  have  even  heard  of  a  few  who 
actually  hated  children.  But  you,  as  I  well 
know,  are  not  of  that  unhappy  number. 

Never  suppose  it  is  beneath  your  dignity  to 
be  found  amusing  yourself  in  the  company  of 
young  children.  It  was,  I  believe,  one  of  the 
king  Henrys,  who,  on  being  caught  at  play 
with  his  child,  made  an  apology.  But  no 
apology  was  needed  from  a  father.  Still  less 
would  it  be  needed  from  a  mother  or  a  sister. 

And  if  fondness  for  the  young  should  be  in 
you  a  little  deficient,  it  is  a  plant  which  can  be 
easily  cultivated.  Nothing  is  needed,  if  you 
have  conscience  on  your  side,  and  regard  it  as 
a  matter  of  duty,  but  to  begin  to  be  with  them 


94  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   TOUISTG   LADIESv 

and  watch  oyer  them.  The  more  you  do  thi% 
the  more  you  will  be  mterested  in  them,  and 
even  love  them.  Doing  good  always  produces 
love.  And,  remember,  that  the  great  motive 
1  have  presented  to  urge  you  to  this  work,  is 
the  desire  to  do  good  to  the  young — to  be  a 
missionary  among  them,  and  mould  theis 
characters. 

Nor  need  you  be  discouraged  by  a  little 
roughness,  and  even  rudeness  on  the  part  of 
the  yomig,  especially  boys.  You  have  already 
taught  school  long  enough,  to  be  somewhat 
acquainted,  in  this  respect,  with  human  nature. 
Besides,  it  is  precisely  because  human  nature 
is  not  what  it  should  be,  that  your  influence 
and  example  will  be  peculiarly  valuable. 

You  have  heard  perhaps  a  story  of  Plato 
and  his  disolute  nephew.  The  latter  had  be- 
come so  openly  and  deeply  vicious  that  his 
friends,  all  but  Plato,  disowned  him — practi- 
cally turned  him  out  of  doors.  The  latter 
took  him  in.  When  his  friends  remonstrated, 
Plato  replied  :  "  My  object  in  taking  him  into 
my  family  was  to  show  him,  by  example,  how 
much  better  it  is  to  do  well  than  to  do  ilL" 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  05 

The  same  spirit,  and  the  same  object  it  is 
that  I  aim  at,  principally,  in  recommending 
you  to  join  in  the  sports  of  your  infantile  and 
childish  associates.  But  there  are  a  thousand 
places  and  circumstances  besides  at  their 
sports,  in  which  you  can  show  them  by  your 
example,  how  much  better  it  is  to  do  well  than 
to  do  ill.  Seize  on  all  such  opportunities  and 
make  the  most  of  them. 

And  if  need  requires  that  I  should  say  so, 
you  have  very  high  example  and  authority  for 
doing  thus  with  the  yomig.  Our  Saviour  did 
not  hesitate,  again  and  again,  to  notice  little 
children.  He  took  them  up  in  his  arms,  put 
his  hands  upon  them,  and  blessed  them.  Will 
you,  then,  refuse  to  bless  them,  as  far  as  you 
can  ?  Will  you,  above  all,  refuse  their  society, 
or  think  it  beneath  you  to  mingle  in  it  in  order 
to  do  good  ? 


CHAPTER  IX. 

ASSOCIATES    IN    TJ^E   FAMILY. 

You  have  other  associates  in  the  family,  be- 
sides its  younger  members,  over  whom  yo^r 
example  may  have  influence.  True,  you  may 
do  most  with  the  very  yomig.  The  tenderest 
twig  is  most  easily  directed  m  the  right  way. 
But  you  may  do  much  with  your  older  brothers 
and  sisters,  especially  the  former. 

There  is  a  period  in  the  lives  of  all  young 
men  when  they  begin  to  feel  disposed  to  break 
loose  from  ail  restraint,  both  parental  and  fra- 
ternal. It  is  the  period  when  passion  anij 
appetite  struggle  for  sway,  and  too  often  obtaih\ 
the  mastery.  '  ■      "  i 

■   During  this  dangerous;  period. of  existence, /" 
this   most    dangerous   part  .of  :rif€!'s%>y a  go, 
nothing  is  more  needed  thai^  tlie  y/i^^^^wer- 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  97 

ful,  but  yet  gentle  influence  of  good,  virtuous, 
and  intelligent  sisters,  especially  elder  sisters. 
They  are  always  of  great  importance  to  young 
men,  but  are  of  more  importance  at  this  time 
than  at  any,  I  was  going  to  say,-  all  others. 

It  was  a  rule  among  the  ancient  oriental 
nations,  that  their  young  princes,  up  to  the  age 
of  fifteen  or  sixteen  years,  should  be  commit- 
ted to  the  care,  company,  and  training  of 
females.  This  is  the  more  remarkable  from 
the  fact,  that  it  took  place  at  a  period  in  the 
history  of  our  world,  when  female  character 
and  female  duty  were  less  perfectly  understood 
than  they  now  are. 

In  any  event,  it  throws  much  light  on  the 
great  subject  of  woman's  mission.  In  these 
days,  the  people  are  the  rulers  of  the  nations, 
and  not  those  who  have  been  generally  denom- 
inated the  princes.  These  last  are  set  up  and 
put  down  at  pleasure.  One  day  they  are  sup- 
ported on  the  shoulders  of  the  populace ;  the 
next  day  they  flee  before  their  faces. 

To  educate  the  princes  and  rulers  of  mod- 
ern days,  therefore,  woman  must  be,  emphati- 
cally, an  educator  of  the  people.     But  to  edu- 


98  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

cate  the  people — I  do  not  say  to  iJistruct  them 
merely — a  right  influence  in  each  family  is 
most  efficient;  and  above  all,  a  right  female 
influence. 

Doubt  no  longer,  then,  my  dear  sister, 
whether  or  not  woman's  mission  is  important ;  - 
nor  whether  Mr.  Flint  has  been  guilty  either 
of  flattery  or  exaggeration.  Believe  and  obey. 
Believe  that  by  the  constitution  of  society,  as 
God  has  established  it,  in  his  providence,  you 
have  your  feet  on  the  necks  of  all  the  kings  or 
potentates  of  future  ages ;  and  that,  under 
God,  whom  you  will  you  can  put  down,  and 
whom  you  will  you  can  set  up.  And  believing 
this,  make  haste  to  govern  yourself  accord- 
ingly. 

Young  men  will  not  seek  the  advice  or 
solicit  the  influence  of  elder  sisters.  They  are 
too  proud  for  all  that.  EspecipJly  so  are  they 
at  the  time  when  that  influence  and  counsel 
are  most  needed ;  I  mean  at  the  above-men- 
tioned stormy  period  of  existence.  Nor  can 
you  reason  them  out  of  their  folly.  Plato  could 
not  have  reasoned  his  dissolute  nephew  out  of 
his  dissipation.     Another  course — a  very  difier- 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  99 

ent  one — must  be  pursued,  if  you  would  hope 
for  success. 

When  John  Newton,  while  a  young  man 
and  engaged  to  a  certain  young  woman,  was 
employed  in  the  slave-trade  abroad,  he  was 
subjected  to  all  those  temptations  which  are 
common  to  the  circumstances  in  which  he  was 
placed,  and  before  which  so  many  fall.  But5 
as  he  tells  us,  he  was  often  saved  by  the  re- 
collection of  home  and  the  following  consider- 
ation :  "  If  I  should  yield  to  the  temptation,  and 
she  should  know  it,  what  would  she  think  of 


7" 


me  .i 

Now  if  you  were  the  sister  of  a  thousand 
brothers,  for  whom  you  had  labored  in  season 
and  out  of  season,  by  reproof  and  by  example, 
all  those  brothers  would  have  regard,  more  or 
less,  for  your  good  opinion.  It  is  not  in  the 
nature  of  things  that  it  should  be  otherwise. 
True,  they  might  not  have  as  great  a  regard 
for  you,  and  as  much  reluctance  to  give  you 
pain  as  John  Newton  had,  in  reference  to  the 
object  of  his  special  affection.  Still  you  v/ould 
have — I  repeat  it — an  irresistible  influence  over 
their  minds  and  hearts  and  habits. 


100  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

I  remember  full  well  another  anecdote,  which 
It  may  not  be  out  of  place  to  repeat.  Dr.  Rush 
"was  a  man  of  thought  and  observation,  and 
in  particular  a.n  observer  of  young  men.  He 
was  indeed  a  father  to_  the  young  men  of  -Phil- 
adelphia, especially  to  those  who  were  diseased. 
They  resorted  to  him  in  great  numbers  when 
their  pride,  perhaps,  would  have  kept  them  from 
seeking  counsel  elsewhere.  And  in  reply  to 
his  oft  repeated  inqu^y  ?  Were  you  bi'^s^htup 
in  a  family  wdiere  there  were  oldeiP^istw^whp 
took  a  deep  interest  in  your  welfare,  he  almost 
always  received  a  cold  negative. 

All  this  may  serve  to  illustrate  and  to  prove 
my  main  position,  that  you  have  a  powerful 
influence  for  good  over  your  brothers,  even  at 
an  age  when  you  would  very  little  expect  it. 
Granted  that  your  influence  may  be  for  evil  as 
well  as  good,  if  you  are  not  careful ;  still  it  de- 
pends on  your  choice  which  kind  of  influence 
it  shall  be.  If  you  act  up  to  the  spirit  of  3^our 
mission,  you  need  have  no  fears  for  the  conse- 
quences. 

You  may  ask,  perhaps,  what  are  some  of 
the  methods  by  which  you  can  influence,  fa- 


ASSOCIATES    IN   THE    FAMILY.  101 

vorably,  your  brothers  who  are  younger  than 
yourself,  otherwise  or  beyond  what  you  may 
do  by  a  wise  and  happy  example.  I  might 
mention  many.  I  might  speak  of  efforts  to 
render  them  more  fond  of  home,  more  sober, 
more  chaste,  more  temperate,  &c.  I  might 
speak  of  the  various  ways  in  which  you  might 
gain  a  hold  on  their  affections  in  conversation, 
and  of  the  books  and  lessons  by  means  of 
which  you  might  do  them  good.  On  some  of 
these  points,  however,  I  may  perhaps  speak  at 
another  time. 

So  far  as  regards  your  treatment  of  the 
very  young,  in  whose  society  your  lot  may  be 
cast,  you  should  remember,  in  the  first  place, 
that  you  were  once,  yourself,  very  young. 
"  When  I  was  a  child,  I  spake  as  a  child,  I 
thought  as  a  child,  I  understood  as  a  child," 
said  a  venerable  old  man.  That  man  would 
have  been  a  good  associate  and  help  to  yomig 
children,  and  precisely  for  the  reasons  which 
grow  out  of  this  statement. 

She  who  knows  and   fully  feels  that   she 

once  spake,  thought,  and  understood  as  a  child, 

will  be  most  likely  to  be  able  to  place  herself 
5* 


102  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOTJNG   LADIES. 

in  imaginatioiij  in  tlieir  stead,  and  know  what 
will  most  interest  them. 

She  will  remember  they  have  curiosity^  and 
will  labor  to  gratify  it,  in  every  reasonable 
manner.  She  will  never  refuse  to  answer  their 
questions,  (unless  they  are  asked  in  an  imper- 
tinent or  improper  manner,)  merely  because 
they  are  childish  ones.  She  will  remember 
that  what  seems  small  to  her,  may  appear 
quite  otherwise,  and  does  seem  quite  other- 
wise, to  little  children. 

She  will  remember  that  they  know  but  in 
part,  in  regard  to  those  things  which  have 
come  under  their  observation  the  most  fully  ; 
and  that  of  many  things  which  seem  plain  and 
familiar  to  her,  simply  because  she  has  had  a 
longer  experience  than  they,  they  know  no- 
thing at  all. 

She  will  remember  that  they  make  most 
progress,  mental  or  moral,  when  they  receive, 
so  to  speak,  the  smallest  amount  of  food  at  a 
time.  One  main  idea,  at  a  time,  will  be  usu- 
ally as  much  as  they  can  seize,  or  hold,  or  ap- 
preciate. This  one  idea  you  may  exhibit  in 
as  many  v/ays  and  shapes — that  is,  you  may 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY. 


103 


illustrate  it  as  much— as  you  please.  But  too 
much  information  at  one  time,  disturbs  and 
hinders  the  free  operations  of  the  mind— the 
intellectual  stomach— as  certainly  as  too  much 
food  disturbs  the  just  operations  of  the  stom- 
ach, and  impairs  digestion. 

An  mtelligent  friend  of  mine,  a  man  of  forty 
years  of  age,  used  to  insist  that  one  main  or  lead- 
ing idea  in  a  sermon  or  other  grave  discourse, 
was  quite  enough  for  any  body.  But,  however 
this  may  be  with  adults,  it  is  certainly  so,  to 
a  much  greater  extent  than  most  persons  are 
aware,  with  little  children.  Happy  those  as- 
sociates of  the  young  who  understand  these 
and  other  preliminaries  for  their  task,  and  act 
according  to  their  knowledge  I 


CHAPTER  X. 

ASSOCIATES    IN   THE   FAMILY. 

Young  women  should  never  despair  of  doing 
good,  even  as  long  as  they  remain  members 
of  the  family.  They  may  have  older  brothers 
and  sisters,  for  whom  they  have  it  in  their 
power  to  perform  kind  offices.  There  may  be 
domestics  in  the  family,  who  need  their  in- 
structions and  aid.  Or  if  none  of  these,  they 
will  have  parents. 

These  last,  you  have.  Your  parents,  it  is 
true,  are  already  intelligent.  But  can  you, 
therefore,  do  nothing  for  them  ?  On  the  con- 
trary, can  you  not  do  the  more  for  them,  on 
this  very  account  ?  One  of  the  great  difficul- 
ties in  the  way  of  doing  good  any  where  is,  as 
I  said  before,  such  a  want  of  intelligence,  vir 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  105 

tue,  health,  &c.,  as  leaves  no  basis  on  which 
to  build.  This  stumbling-stone,  Divine  Provi- 
dence has  taken  out  of  your  way. 

Few  persons  can  have  more  influence  with 
parents  than  you.  Not  so  much,  it  is  true,  by 
virtue  of  reasoning  with  them  as  otherwise.  It 
is  commonly  said — and  not  without  truth — ^that 
people  do  not  alter  their  opinions  in  any  con- 
siderable degree  after  they  are  forty  years  of 
age.  You  will  not  therefore  expect  so  much 
from  your  parents  as  if  they  were  thirty-five 
instead  of  sixty.  But  you  may  and  ought  to 
expect  to  do  something  for  them. 

Indeed,  if  you  were  to  depend  upon  mere 
reasoning  with  them,  I  say  again,  you  might 
almost  despair  of  changing  greatly  their  opin- 
ions and  habits.  I  will  not,  however,  go  the 
length  of  affirming  that  you  could  accomplish 
nothing  at  all  in  this  way  ;  for  I  suppose  you 
could  do  a  little.  Their  opinions  are  not  so 
invulnerable  as  those  of  some  persons,  because 
they  are  and  always  have  been  thinking  peo- 
ple. 

It  is  those  who  never  think — who  take  all 
their  knowledge,  if  knowledge  it  can  be  called. 


106  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG-   LADIES. 

upon  trust  or  at  the  hand  of  tradition — who 
cannot  and  will  not  be  reasoned  out  of  their 
opinions.'  They  know  they  are  right !'  and  they 
know  it  because  they  know  it. 

But  you  understand  enough  of  human  na- 
ture to  perceive  very  clearly  that  what  you  do 
with  aged  parents,  must  be  done  very  cau- 
tiously and  patiently.  ■  You  may  indeed  make 
haste  to  do  them  good — you  must  always 
make  haste,  or  at  least  work  with  all  your 
might — ^but,  in  this  case,  you  must  "  make  haste 
slowly."  You  must  teach  as  if  you  taught 
not,  as  those  who  were  greater  and  better  than 
you  have  already  done. 

Sometimes  you  may  indeed  venture  on  direct 
discussion,  in  regard  to  manners,  minds,  cus- 
toms, religion  and  politics.  When  you  do  this, 
however,  let  it  be  done  with  the  greatest  modesty 
which  is  possible.  In  a  few  instances  you 
may  use  the  Socratic  mode  of  reasoning  with 
them.  Generally,  however,  a  still  better  way 
will  be  to  ask  simply  what  they  think  of  such 
and  such  opinions  or  views. 

But  you  may  do  more,  much  more,  by 
modestly   minghng    your  conversation    with 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  107 

theirs,  and  gently  changing  the  ordinary  topics 
of  the  conversation,  for  those  which  are  more 
profitable.  The  world  is  a  74  gun  ship,  under 
full  sail,  a  friend  of  mine  used  to  say,  and  must 
have  its  course ;  you  cannot  alter  it.  But  it 
has  been  altered  in  its  course,  I  said ;  why 
cannot  it  be  again  ?  And  if  its  course  is  wrong 
and  its  force  almost  irresistible,  the  greater  is 
the  obligation,  as  it  seems  to  me,  to  do  all  we 
can  to  change  it. 

In  like  manner,  the  greater  the  difficulty  of 
changing  the  course — the  spirit,  rather — of  the 
conversation  at  table  and  elsewhere  in  the 
family  circle,  the  greater  the  necessity  that  we 
should  labor  with  all  our  might,  when  we  can 
do  no  more,  to  bring  about,  gradually,  a  refor- 
mation of  this  kind. 

As  I  have  already  intimated,  it  is  the  spirit 
of  the  conversation,  rather  than  its  forms,  that 
needs  your  plastic,  changing,  persevering  hand. 
I  do  not  doubt  but  you  may  do  something  in 
regard  to  the  latter,  especially  by  your  exam- 
ple. You  will,  however,  be  much  more  suc- 
cessful in  regard  to  the  former. 

I   have   alluded   to   your   example.      This 


108  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG-   LADIES. 

brings  me  at  once  to  a  most  important  topic. 
The  power  of  example  has  long  been  known. 
That  it  is  more  powerful  than  precept,  every 
where,  has  become  almost  a  proverb.  In  en- 
deavoring to  make  changes  in  the  circmnstances 
to  which  I  now  refer,  example  will  be  your 
principal  instrument. 

Labor  then,  O  my  sister,  that  your  example 
may  prove  an  instrument  for  good  to  your 
advanced — I  might  say,  aged  parents.  You 
owe  them  a  debt  you  can  hardly  repay,  were 
this  your  only  motive  to  activity.  But  you 
have  other  and  higher  motives.  You  are  a 
missionary  ;  and  the  family  circle  is,  to  a  very 
great  extent,  your  field  of  operation. 

When  I  speak  of  your  example,  I  mean  a 
great  deal.  Your  conversation,  your  reading, 
your  dress,  your  eating  and  drinking,  even, 
are  parts  of  your  example.  In  truth,  your 
whole  life  is  example,  for  good  or  for  eviL  And 
IS  not  only  example  in  general,  it  is  example 
in  particular.  It  is  example,  to  your  brothers 
and  sisters,  as  we  have  seen  already.  It  is  ex- 
ample, also,  to  your  parents. 

On  this  point — the  power  of  example — over 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  109 

parents,  even  when  those  parents  are  some- 
what advanced  in  years,  I  speak  with  confi- 
dence, because  I  speak  from  experience.  Or 
if  tills  seems  hke  boasting,  I  will  say  from  ob- 
servation. In  more  than  one  instance  have  I 
known  great  changes  wrought  in  the  old  by 
the  spirit  of  Christ  in  their  children  and  grand- 
children. 

This  is,*in  truth,  one  cause  of  that  remarka- 
ble character  we  sometimes  meet  with  in  life 
— a  green  old  age.  My  recollection  loves  to 
linger  among  some  of  these  oases  of  life's 
journey,  which  half  a  century's  observation 
and  some  travel  have  disclosed  to  my  wonder- 
ing view.  And  I  hope  to  see  more  of  this 
humanity  descending  to  the  tomb,  and  yet  clad 
in  "  living  green." 

May  you  be  instrumental  in  producing  some 
of  these  blessed  results.  Do  not  say  you  can 
do  nothing  in  this  way  ;  it  is  not  so.  You 
can  do  much.  We  never  know  how  much  we 
can  accomplish,  till  we  try.  That  little  word, 
"try,"  here,  as  well  as  elsewhere,  has  done 
wonders  ;  and  may  do  \vonders  again. 


110  GIFT   BOOK   FOK    YurXO   LADIES. 

One  thought,  and  by  way  of  encouragement. 
You  are  now  young,  but  you  expect  to  be  old. 
You  hope  to  be,  at  least.  How  much  would 
you  give  to  possess  the  character,  in  age,  of 
which  I  have  just  spoken  ?  How  much  would 
you  give  to  pass  down  the  hill  of  life,  some- 
what as  you  ascended  it  ?  How  much  would 
you  give  to  enjoy  a  green  old  age  ? 

You  may  enjoy  this,  and  so  may  I,  if  we  v/ill. 
Shall  I  tell  you  the  secret?  It  belongs  to  no 
fraternity,  free  or  bond — accepted  or  unaccept- 
ed. It  is  without  grips  and  passwords,  and 
badges  and  orders.  It  is  the  property  of  all 
who  diligently  seek  it.  It  is  easy  to  obtain, 
and  eas^r  to  preserve  inviolable. 

It  consists,  simply,  in  preparing  others  for 
this  pleasant  autumnal  verdure — this  living 
green  in  old  age.  The  very  fulfilment  of  your 
mission  in  the  family  and  elsewhere,  will  be 
the  sure  passport  not  only  to  the  verdant  fields 
beyond  Jordan,  but  to  those  on  this  side  of  it. 

May  you  be  wise  in  this  particular.  Ma^^ 
you  take  the  friendly  hints  of  this  letter,  and 
act  upon  them.     For  myself,  I  am  separated, 


ASSOCIATES    IN    THE    FAMILY.  Ill 

and  long  have  been,  from  those  who  were  my 
progenitors,  so  that  the  good  I  propose  to  you 
has  not  been  greatly  in  my  power.  May  I 
never  be  thus  separated  from  my  own  children. 


CHAPTER  XL 

ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY. 

Let  us,  however,  go  a  little  farther  than  the 
pale  of  the  family,  y  Let  us  go  abroad,  beyond 
its  precincts,  among  other  associates.  Here, 
again,  you  have  two  Ava^^s  of  operating  on 
mind  and  heart,  as  you  had  in  the  family. 
You  may  do  much,  as  you  can  there,  by  pre- 
cept ;  but  still  more  by  example. 

Do  not  suppose  that  your  obligations  are 
lessened  towards  those  who  are  around  you, 
because  they  do  not  belong  to  your  own  fam- 
ily. I  speak  now  of  the  nature  of  the  obliga- 
tion, not  of  the  degree  of  its  strength.  In  this 
there  is  a  wide  difference. 

For  though  the  elder  brothers  and  sisters  of 
the  first  family  of  mankind  were  under  special 
obligation  to  keep  those  who  were  their  juniors 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       113 

of  their  own  famil}^,  they  were  not  at  liberty 
not  to  keep  others,  so  far  as  it  was  in  their 
power.  Our  Saviour  was  set  over  the  yo-unger 
brothers  and  sisters  of  Joseph  and  Mary,  if 
any  such  there  were  ;  but  this  did  not  release 
him  from  the  obligation  voluntarily  assumed, 
of  hving  and  dying  for  the  rest  of  us.  And 
in  this  particular,  no  less  than  in  others,  he  is, 
as  I  suppose,  to  be  our  pattern. '.     ; 

We  must  never  forget  that  by  the  Divine 
plan — and  especially  under  the  Christian  dis- 
pensation— all  mankind  constitute  one  great 
family,  and  only  one.  And  a  striking  peculi- 
arity of  the  Christian  scheme  consists  in  this, 
that  as  we  are  all  one  family,  we  are  to  love 
one  another,  even  as  Christ  our  elder  brother 
loved  us. 

In  carrying  out  the  great  purpose  of  your 
life — that  of  being  a  missionary  to  those  around 
you — you  will,  therefore,  ever  remember  this 
great  truth,  that  all  mankind  are,  by  the  hfe 
and  death  of  Christ,  made  your  brethren  and 
sisters.  Some  are  younger,  some  are  older. 
For  some  you  can  do  much,  for  others  little. 
And  if  you  say  that  there  are  pojtions  of  man- 


114  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

kind  for 'whom  you  can  do  nothing  at  all, 
(though  this  opinion  might  easily  be  proved 
incorrect,)  this  does  not  remove  the  obligation 
you  are  under  to  labor  for  those  whom  you 
can  reach. 

You  can  reach,  of  course,  the  little  circle  of 
relatives  God  has  assigned  you.  There  are 
uncles,  amits,  and  cousins.  Some  of  them 
you  see  often  ;  others  but  seldom.  With  some 
of  them  you  have  much  influence ;  with  others, 
but  little.  With  some,  you  hold  correspondence 
by  writing ;  with  others,  never. 

There  is  Belinda.  She  is  one  of  the  most 
intimate  relatives  you  have.  You  see  her 
every  week,  if  not  oftener ;  besides  which  you 
exchange  from  twelve  to  twenty  notes  of  cor- 
respondence with  her  in  a  year.  What  if  she  is 
two  or  three,  or  even  four  years  younger  than 
yourself?  Your  position  with  respect  to  her, 
added  to  your  relationship,  give  you,  as  you 
know,  an  almost  illimitable  influence  over  her. 
You  can  mould  her  into  almost  any  shape  you 
please.  And  though  there  are  many  things  in 
her  character,  v/ith  which  you  have  no  sympa- 
thy,^ she  has  some  excellencies. 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       115 

Here  then  is  a  missionary  field  for  you — the 
corner  of  one  at  least.  For  in  operating  upon 
the  mind  and  heart  of  BeUnda,  and  shaping 
her  character  for  two  worlds,  you  are  insensi- 
bly moulding  and  forming  the  character  of  a 
multitude  of  others.  I  speak  now  not  merely 
with  reference  to  half  a  dozen  other  relations  in 
the  same  connection  and  circle,  but  also  m  refer- 
ence to  the  whole  circle  of  her  acquaintance. 

Now  I  need  not  tell  you  that  Belinda  is  su- 
premely selfish,  in  a,lmost  all  she  says  and 
does.  I  need  not  remind  you,  that  she  is 
encouraging  the  same  thing  in  her  friends  and 
associates.  You  know  she  has  influence,  and 
that  she.knows  it,  and  desires  it,  and  loves  to 
wield  it.  You  know  the  power  of  smiles  and 
amiability. 

Then,  again,  you  know  that  influence  does 
not  stop  at  the  remote  points  of  Belinda's  range. 
Those  whom  she  influences  have  also  their 
circles,  and  these  again  theirs,  and  so  on — I 
know  not  how  far,  neither  do  you.  I  speak 
here,  moreover,  of  a  single  generation — that 
which  is  now  upon  the  stage  of  action. 

But  you  must  also  remember  that  each  of 


116  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

these  individuals,  connected  with  all  these 
points  and  circles  of  influence,  is  to  have  her 
influence  upon  each  coming  generation  down 
to  the  close  of  time — nay,  more ;  throughout 
eternit}^.  You  will  recollect  what  I  said  in  my 
first  letter  on  this  great  subject. 

In  exerting  a  power  over  Belinda,  therefore, 
young  as  she  is,  and  susceptible,  you  are  doing 
an  immense  work.  The  only  doubt  in  the  mat- 
ter is,  whether  ytiu  can  influence  her.  But  this 
question  I  might  almost  be  willing  to  leave  to 
your  own  judgment  and  decision.  You  can- 
not deny  that  in  this  direction,  if  in  no  other, 
you  have  power. 

Nor  was  there  ever,  I  again  say,  a  better 
opportmiity  for  an  individual  to  break  the  ice 
of  human  selfishness,  than  this.  You  know 
the  drift  of  the  whole  family ;  that  as  it  was  in 
regard  to  the  idolatry  of  Athens  of  old — their 
hearts  were  wholly  given  to  it — so  in  regard  \o 
the  selfishness  which  at  times  exists  here — 
their  hearts  are  almost  wholly  given  to  that. 
Indeed  it  is  nearly  as  much  their  idol,  for 
aught  I  can  see,  as  the  thirty  thousand  gods  of 
Athens  were  theirs. 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       117 

On  what  does  the  conversation  of  the  family 
turn — that  of  Behnda  in  particular — but  on  the 
possession  of  certain  objects  which  it  is  supposed 
will  confer  happiness  ?  When  and  where  is  a 
single  word  said,  which  expresses  earnest, 
prayerful  desire  for  the  happiness  of  others, 
except  so  far  as  such  happiness  would  have  a 
connection  with  their  own  ?  I  am  afraid  such 
a  word  is  never  uttered. 

Reflect  but  a  moment,  and  you  will  not  fail 
to  see  that  in  almost  every  word  and  action^- 
the  thoughts  you  cannot  so  well  discern  as  God 
can — of  the  whole  conversation,  for  example,  of 
the  whole  family  of  which  Belinda  is  the  repre- 
sentative, has  a  bearing  upon  what  they  shall 
have,  or  possess  ;  or  at  most  on  what  somebody 
shall  have  or  possess,  whose  having  or  possess- 
ing, will  in  one  way  or  another  minister  to  their 
own  happiness.  Or  if  there  be  a  single  excep- 
tion to  the  truth  of  this  remark,  it  is  found  in 
the  fact,  that  here  and  there — indeed  quite  too 
often — the  possessions  of  others  are  spoken  of 
as  matters  of  regret,  and  in  the  spirit  of  envy. 

Now  I  say,  you  can  do  something  towards 

eifiecting  a  change  in  the  whole  current  of  this 

6 


118  GUT   BOOK   FOE,   YOUNG-   LADIES. 

conversation.  I  say  still  m-ore  ;  you  can  do 
more,  in  the  relation  you  sustain  to  them  and 
the  confidence  they  repose  in  you,  than  any 
other,  I  might  almost  say  than  all  other,  indi- 
Tiduals  on  earth. 

You  can  do  something  by  your  own  con- 
versation while  you  are  with  them.  You  can 
give  the  current  a  more  benevolent  turn.  You 
can  approve  of  benevolent  effort,  of  which 
mention  is  made  in  their  presence.  You  can 
even  introduce  topics  of  benevolence. 

I  do  not  say  you  should  introduce  these 
topics,  at  every  time  you  have  an  opportunity 
to  speak ;  nor  that  you  should  insist  on  their 
listening.  God  only  requires  you  to  do  what 
you  can,  in  consistency  with,  their  own  free 
agency.  In  making  you  a  missionary  in  the 
domestic  sphere — the  most  difficult  and  the 
most  important  of  all  missionary  spheres — he 
does  not  require  of  you  impossibilities.  He  is 
never  a  hard  master. 

But  he  does,  I  say  again,  require  of  you  to 
do  what  you  can.  And  he  requires  of  you  to 
do  it  boldly  and  efficiently.  You  are  not  to 
shrink  from  what   3"ou   conceive  to  be   youi 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       119 

dutyj  for  fear  of  oifeiiding  people.  There  is, 
indeed,  a  choice  to  be  exercised  as  to  the  time 
when  you  speak  ;  but  then  you  are  to  speak. 

Much,  very  much  depends  upon  the  manner 
of  doing  it.  As  I  said  in  regard  to  changing 
the  current  of  thought,  or  attemptmg  to  aher 
the  opinions  of  nearer  friends  than  cousins,  so 
I  say  in  regard  to  these  ;  you  can  ask  ques- 
tions, or  offer  suggestions,  or  state  modestly 
the  opinions  of  others,  and  ask  what  they  think 
of  them.  And  you  can,,  if  you  deem  it  proper, 
add,  with  the  same  modesty,  your  own  opin- 
ion. 

And  if  you  have  elicited  their  attention,  and 
directed  it  to  your  favorite  subject,  so  that  they 
are  interested  in  it,  be  satisfied.  You  have 
done  a  great  deal.  Strive  to  keep  the  subject 
before  them  long  enough  for  them  to  under- 
sta.nd  it,  if  you  can.  Do  not  go  to  the  extreme, 
however,  of  retaining  their  attention,  because 
you  have  for  once  secured  it,  as  long  as  you 
can.  Better  that  you  should  leave  off  while 
they  are  a  little  "  hungry,"  so  to  speak,  than 
to  push  your  new  dish  of  mental  food  till  they 
are  cloved  with  it. 


120  GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOU]!^G    LADIES. 

Do  not  be  deterred  from  the  plan  you  pro- 
pose, by  the  fear  of  offending  them,  and  thus 
losing  yom-  influence.  I  am  aware,  well  aware, 
that  much  is  made  of  this  consideration,  in  the 
world  we  live  in.  Thousands  who  would  do 
good,  are  hindered  from  doing  so  by  the  fear 
that  they  shall  seem  to  be  singular,  and  thus 
lose  their  influence. 

They  would  advocate,  by  example  and  by 
precept,  certain  changes  in  manners,  habits^ 
dress,  &c.  They  verily  believe  such  changes 
would  greatly  conduce  to  human  happiness. 
But  we  shall  be  thought  singular,  they  say  to 
themselves.  Or,  "  how  will  it  look,  or  seem." 
And  they  refrain  from  doing  it.  They  have 
not  moral  courage  to  dare  to  be  singular.  Not 
so  much  in  every  instance  on  account  of  the 
loss  they  would  feel  in  a  loss  of  influence  over 
others,  as  on  accoimt  of  the  public  or  general 
loss  which  would  be  sustained. 

Now  I  am  one  of  those  who  believe  that  the 
better  days  which  are  coming  to  the  world, 
will  never  come  till  such  unworthy  fears,  in 
the  minds  of  good  people,  are  got  rid  of  I  do 
not,  indeed,  believe  it  a  thing  desirabfe,  in  it- 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       121 

self  considered,  that  we  should  be  singular ; 
but  I  do  believe  it  to  be  often  a  Christian 
duty. 

Waiving  this  matter,  however — I  mean  the 
question  of  what  is  duty,  generally,  as  a  Chris- 
tian— I  come  to  the  question,  ^Vhat  is  your 
duty  in  3^0 ur  OAvn  circumstances,  as  a  reason- 
able young  woman,  to  Belinda?  Are  you  to 
be  restrained  or  withheld  from  doing  your  duty 
to  her  and  her  family,  by  any  fears  of  the  kind 
to  which  I  have  just  alluded  ? 

In  the  first  place,  they  expect,  always,  that 
you  will  be  a  little  eccentric,  as  they  call  it,  in 
opinion  ;  nor  do  they  like  you  the  worse  for  it. 
Secondly,  if  you  do  nothing:  for  fear  of  accoin- 
plishing  nothing,  things  will  remain  as  they 
long  have  been  in  the  family.  "  Nothing  ven- 
ture, nothing  have,"  you  know.  Thirdly, 
3'ou  will  not  lose  their  influence  ;  it  is  the 
excuse  of  indolence,  and  a  want  of  moral 
courage. 

Another  method,  however,  in  which  you 
may  do  good — carry  out  your  missionary  plan, 
— is  by  lending  books  and  papers  of  the  right 
stamp,  or  by  influencing  them  to  borrow  or 


122     GIFT  BOOK  FOR  YOTXG  L.iDIES. 

buy  them  of  others.  This,  by  the  way,  would 
be  a  means  of  opening  the  door,  often,  to  con- 
versation on  the  topics  which  you  desire. 

It  will  add  greatly  to  the  interest  they  will 
take  in  your  new  views,  if  they  see  them  in 
print ;  and  still  more  if  they  see  them  in  print 
over  your  own  signature.  With  the  idea  of  a 
thing  being  in  print,  is  often  associated,  in  the 
human  mind,  an  idea  of  authority  which  does 
not  belong  to  it.  Still  you  have  as  good  a  right 
to  avail  yourself  of  this  prejudice,  in  order  to 
do  good,  as  the  majority  of  our  writers  have  in 
order  to  do  evil.  On  this  subject,  doing  good 
with  your  pen,  I  will  say  more  at  another 
time. 

And  yet,  after  all,  your  example,  both  as 
regards  externals  and  internals,  habits,  man- 
ners, dress,  matters  belonging  to  health,  intel- 
lectual cultivation,  moral  development,  &c., 
will  do  more  for  Belinda  and  all  her  friends  in 
the  way  of  setting  them  right,  than  precept. 
Example  is  almost,  but  not  quite  omnipotent. 

I  have  fixed  my  mind's  eye  on  Belinda,  as 
a  means  of  illustrating  my  subject,  and  of 
making  suggestions  about  the  m.odes  of  doing 


if^ 


ASSOCIATES    BEYOND    THE    FAMILY.       123 

good,  and  carrying  out  the  great  work  to  which 
I  trust  you  have,  for  Hfe,  devoted  yourself. 

But  it  is  not  Belinda  alone  for  whom  you  are 
to  live  and  labor; — I  mean  beyond  the  pre- 
cincts of  the  family.  You  have  some  dozen 
or  a  score  of  your  more  distant  relatives,  male 
and  female,  over  whom  you  have  alm^ost  as 
much  influence  as  over  Belinda.  Nor  are  the 
methods  of  operating  on  Belinda  and  hex 
circle,  which  I  have  suggested,  the  only 
methods  which  might  have  been  suggested ; 
much  less  the  only  ones  of  which  you  might 
avail  yourself  in  the  case  of  others. 

Your  young  friend,  Solomon  W ,  is  an 

example  of  male  relatives,  in  whom_  you  take 
an  interest.  Now  did  it  ever  occur  to  you  to 
ask  yourself  hov/  much  good  you  might  do 
him  ?  Say  not  that  you  are  almost  tired  of 
him — ^his  dandyism  and  blustering — and  at 
times  resolved  to  give  him  up,  as  lost.  The 
greater  his  boasting,  and  swaggering,  and 
dandyism,  the  greater  the  necessity  that  you 
should  reclaim  him,  if  possible. 

Do  you  think  it  an  impossibility  ?  I  do  not , 
;and  I  have  reasons.     What  has  become  of  his 


124  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

confirmed, ^nd  as  it  was  once  thought,  invet- 
erate, habit  of  hanging  to  the  end  of  a  cigar  ? 
Has  he  not  reformed,  in  this  particular  ?  But 
how  happened  it  ?  Was  it  not  owing  to  the 
disgrace  into  which  his  foul  habit  brought  him 
in  tlie  estimation  of  his  mother,  and  sisters, 
and  other  friends — you  among  the  rest  ? 

But  if  you  and  they  have  been  successful 
in  breaking  up  a  habit  so  strong,  in  a  person 
hke  Solomon,  in  what  case  will  you  have  oc- 
casion for  despair  ?  The  truth  is,  all  mankind 
are  susceptible  of  being  influenced  by  each 
other  more  or  less,  especially  by  those  whom 
they  love  and  esteem ;  and,  above  all  else,  by 
youthful  and  virtuous  woman. 


CHAPTEE  Xn. 

MERE   ACQUAINTANCES. 

Every  young  woman  has  acquaintances  over 
whom  she  has  great  influence,  whose  welfare 
she  prizes  ahuost  as  highly  as  her  own.  It  is 
not  the  ties  of  consanguinity  alone  that  bind 
usj  though  these  are  doubtless  ordained  of  God, 
that  they  may  bind  us,  when  nothing  else 
will. 

But  if  you  find  yourself  attached  to  any  of 
your  acquaintance  as  strongly  as  you  are  to 
your  remoter  kindred — perhaps  still  more 
strongly,  for  such  has  been,  in  some  instances, 
the  fact — do  not,  for  one  moment,  doubt  your 
obligation  to  exert  yourself  in  their  behalf. 

For  surely  if  you  love  or  esteem  them  as 
highly  as  you  do  your  relatives — and  es- 
pecially   if    you    have     reason    to    suppose 


126  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNQ   LADIES. 

the  feeling  is  reciprocated — it  is  an  opportu- 
nity to  do  good  that  ought  not  Hghtly  to  be 
passed  over.  Their  happiness,  their  heahh, 
intellectual  well-being,  and  moral  elevation, 
are  of  as  much  importance  in  the  sight  of  God 
as  they  would  be,  if  they  were  yom-  relatives. 
They  are  the  relations  of  somebody. 

Besides,  as  we  have  already  seen,  the  whole 
human  race  are  but  one  great  family.  All  are 
sons  and  daughters  of  the  Lord  Almighty; 
and  whatever  ignorance  and  blindness  and 
prejudice  may  think,  all  have  one  common 
mterest.  All  are  brethren  and  sisters,  and 
the  sooner  they  regard  themselves  as  such,  the 
better. 

I  am  not  at  all  sure  but  you  may  have  a 
better  and  more  abiding  influence  over  those 
who  are  merely  acquaintances,  than  over  your 
own  relatives.  There  is,  oftentimes,  a  strange 
feeling  of — I  know  not  what  to  call  it,  unless 
it  were  envy — unwillingness  to  be  influenced 
by  a  relation,  lest  it  should  be,  in  effect,  the 
acknowledgment  of  superiority  on  their  part. 

"  A  prophet  is  not  without  honor  except  in 


MERE    ACaUAINTANCES.  127 

his  own  country,"  has  been  often  quoted  to 
prove  a  fact  which  I  beheve  is  well  attested 
by  human  experience.  And  yet  the  whole 
passage,  as  it  stands  on  the  sacred  pages,  is 
seldom  quoted.  It  is,  "  A  prophet  is  not  with- 
out honor,  save  in  his  own  country,  and  m  his 
own  houseP  Plainly  implying  that  the  same 
difficulties  which  lie  in  our  way  on  account 
of  familiarity  with  each  other,  prevent  our 
doing  good  not  only  to  our  neighbors,  but  also 
to  our  relations.  And  the  whole  maxim  im- 
plies that  the  farther  removed  we  are  from  an 
individual,  the  more  likely  we  are  to  be  sure 
of  his  honor  and  esteem,  provided,  howeverj 
he  acknov/ledges  our  authority. 

In  other  words,  if  there  be  feelings  of  envy 
and  suspicion,  and  ill-will  and  hatred,  against 
an  individual,  they  are  found,  as  a  general  rule, 
not  among  strangers,  but  among  his  own  rela- 
tives and  countrymen. 

Now  you  are  to  do  all  the  good  you  can 
among  your  relatives,  as  we  have  already 
seen.  So  long  as  they  have  no  dislike  toward 
you,  which  v^rould  serve  to  detract  from  the 


128  GIFT    BOOK    TOR   YOUIS-Q   LADIES. 

good  you  would  do  them,  so  much  the  better, 
I  repeat  it,  for  your  purpose  ;  for  the  more  ac- 
cessible they  are. 

But  then  you  must  lose  no  opportunity  of 
doing  all  the  good  you  can  abroad  among 
your  acquaintances.  And  the  same  means 
and  measures  to  which  I  have  faintly  alluded 
in  the  preceding  letter  will  be  applicable  there. 
You  can  influence  and  somewhat  change  the 
current  of  conversation  and  feeling,  in  all  the 
various  ways  in  which  you  can  influence  those 
who  are  at  the  same  time  both  acquaintances 
and  relatives. 

Some  hold  that  the  fewer  acquaintances 
they  have  the  better.  The  reason  they  assign 
is,  because  they  shall  thus  be  more  free.  But 
free  from  what  ?  Is  it  not  a  freedom  from  the 
necessity  which  custom  has  imposed  of  dress- 
ing and  undressing,  giving  and  receiving  calls, 
preparing  entertainments,  &c.  ? 

I  grant  that  if  we  are  to  be  enslaved  thus 
to  arbitrary  custom,  it  were  better  that  our  ac- 
i^uaintc:jnces  should  be  few.  But  is  there  any 
real  nev:e;:^sity  of  this  ?  Tlie  necessity  of  the 
calU  I  admii.     I'hey  are  seldom  too  frequent. 


MERE    ACQUAINTANCES.  129 

But  does  this  involve  a  necessity  of  that  atten- 
tion to  dress  which  is  commonly  manifested  ? 
Are  there  not  a  thousand  things  connected 
with  dress,  in  fashionable  life,  which  neither 
good  taste  nor  neatness  demands  ? 

And  as  for  sumptuous  and  costly  entertain- 
ments, when  acquaintances  and  friends  visit 
each  other,  no  person  who  reflects  will  insist 
on  their  necessity,  I  am  sure.  Better  for  all 
concerned  that  a  greater  simplicity  should  pre- 
vail. But  on  both  these  topics,  dress  and 
entertainments,  I  may  say  more  on  some  future 
occasion. 

In  general,  I  think  you  may  properly  rejoice 
in  having  a  long  list  of  acquaintances  ;  and 
instead  of  wishing  to  strike  from  the  list  any 
of  them,  you  should  desire  to  add  to  it.  Not, 
of  course,  for  the  sake  of  personal  gratification 
or  display,  but  that  you  may  do  them  good,  as 
God  shall  give  you  opportunity. 


CHAPTEE  Xni. 

CORRESPONDENTS. 

It  seems  to  me  a  dut3r  of  young  women,  both 
to  themselves  and  others,  to  have  a  Ust  of  corres- 
pondents. This  Ust  may  be  longer  or  shorter ; 
but  on  the  principles  which  have  been  de- 
veloped in  the  preceding  letter,  the  larger  the 
better,  as  it  enlarges,  in  the  same  proportion, 
your  field  of  labor  as  a  missionary.  It  also 
enables  you  to  do  good  to  some,  without  seeing 
them. 

I  cannot  help  regretting  that  the  usual 
methods  of  instruction  in  our  schools  are  such 
as  tend  to  create  a  dislike  to  letter  Vvaiting. 
Composition  studied,  and  therefore  arbitrary  in 
its  forms,  is  taught  in  the  far  greater  number 
of  instances,  instead  of  letter  writing.  So  that 
instead  of  having  the  latter  easy,  natural,  un- 


CORRESPONDENTS.  131 

affected — a  sort  of  second  nature,  it  is  apt  to 
become  stiff,  irksome,  and,  in  fact,  almost  use- 
less. 

Letter  writing  is  naturally  a  mere  substitute 
for  conversation.  If  the  latter  be  what  it  ought 
to  be — and  it  can  never  become  what  it  ought 
to  be  until  there  is  a  thorough  reform  in  the 
family,  so  that  from  the  earliest  years  of  in- 
fancy, every  thing  is  grammatically  correct — 
the  former  might  be.  She  who  converses  cor- 
rectly, has  nothing  to  do  but  to  talk  correctly, 
as  it  were,  on  paper. 

Now  if  letter  writing  were  of  this  descrip- 
tion, and  if  we  were  but  accustomed  to  it,  from 
the  first,  as  should  be  the  case,  how  delightful 
would  it  be  to  young  women  to  write  letters  to 
each  other,  and  to  their  friends  generally  !  In- 
stead of  thinking,  almost  with  dread,  of  the 
day  when  they  must  write  a  letter,  they  would 
rejoice  in  prospect  of  a  leisure  hour  for  this  pur- 
pose ;  and  only  wish  that  the  days  were  longer 
than  they  now  are,  that  they  might  write  much 
more  frequently. 

Instead  of  saying,  with  a  yawn,  and  with 
apparent  disgust,  To-morrow  I  shall  have  to 


132  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

write  to  Miss  S.,  and  O  how  I  dread  to  have 
to-morrow  come  !  they  would  be  apt  to  say, 
To-morrow  I  do  hope  I  shall  have  time  to  write 
some  letters ;  or,  To-morrow  I  hope  I  shall  have 
time  to  write  to  Miss  S.  and  Miss  G. ;  and  O 
how  I  wish  to  have  to-morrow  come  ! 

I  am  exceedingly  anxious  to  have  letter 
writing  or  epistolary  correspondence  placed  on 
its  proper  basis.  I  long  to  see  it  regarded  as  a 
pastime,  instead  of  a  piece  of  drudgery — as  a 
recreation,  rather  than  a  task.  Instead  of  feel- 
ing that  we  must  write,  because  others  have 
written  to  us,  and  expect  a  return,  I  desire 
greatly  to  have  it  done  as  a  gratuity ;  as  an 
act  of  benevolence.  The  great  Christian  maxim, 
"It  is  more  blessed  to  give  than  to  receive," 
is  applicable  here,  as  well  as  elsewhere. 

But  I  did  not  intend  to  dwell  long  on  episto- 
lary correspondence  generally ;  though  a  letter 
on  this  great  subject  might,  perchance,  be  use- 
ful to  you.  All  I  intend  now  is  to  suggest 
to  you  the  importance  of  doing  good  through 
this  medium.  It  is  one  of  the  ways  which  Pro- 
vidence points  out  to  us ;  and  I  do  not  believe 
we  have  a  right  to  neglect  it.     We  can  take  up 


CORRESPONDENTS.  133 

the  pen  and  write  a  dozen  times  for  once  that 
we  can  make  a  visit,  where  the  distance  is  con- 
siderable. 

This  reminds  me  of  one  more  difficuUy,  in 
regard  to  letter  writing,  which  most  young 
women  seem  to  think  well  nigh  insurmounta- 
ble, viz.,  a  notion  they  have  imbibed,  that  if 
they  write  a  letter,  it  must  be  a  long  one. 
True  it  is  that  most  young  women  have  a  great 
deal  to  say  in  conversation,  and  therefore 
should  have  a  great  deal  to  say  when  they 
write.  But,  then,  if  we  have  but  little  to  say, 
let  us  be  contented  with  writing  but  little.  A 
short  letter  may,  sometimes,  do  as  much  good 
to  others,  if  not  prove  quite  so  useful  to  our- 
selves, as  a  long  one. 

The  idea — I  repeat  it — of  filling  a  sheet, 
when  you  can,  is  a  good  one  ;  but  if  you  can- 
not fill  but  half  a  sheet,  or  even  one-fourth,  why 
very  well — do  that.  Indeed,  half  a  dozen  lines 
to  a  friend  are  sometimes  productive  of  great 
good.  Be  particularly  careful,  even,  to  be 
snort,  when  you  have  it  in  your  heart  to  do 
good,  and  are  going  to  insert,  in  your  letter, 
some  timely  caution  or  fr-endly  ad^^^onition. 


134  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOUiN'G   LADIES. 

If  we  are  about  to  administer  medicine,  it  is  a 
kindness  to  contrive  to  get  it  down  our 
patient's  throat  as  soon  as  possible. 

When  3^ou  wish  to  make  a  friendly  sug- 
gestion to  your  acquaintance,  whether  the  dis- 
tance be  great  or  little,  you  may  often  say 
things  by  letter  which  you  would  not  like  to 
say  otherwise,  and  which,  but  for  the  invention 
of  letters  and  letter  writing,  you  would  never 
say.  Be  grateful  then,  fo  God,  for  this  inva- 
luable privilege ;  and  in  the  fulfilment  of 
3'our  mission,  strive  to  make  a  good  use  of  it. 

This  business  of  letter  writing  is  sometimes 
carried  on  with  great  success  and  much  mutual 
benefit  between  friends,  who  do  not  reside  a 
mile  apart.  It  has  been  thus  made  a  means 
of  mutually  improving  their  spelling,  their 
chirography,  their  style,  and  their  composition, 
as  well  as  of  doing  good  to  each  other,  socially 
and  morally.     Let  me  here  relate  an  anecdote. 

Two  friends,  among  the  Green  Mountains 
of  New  England,  who  scarcely  could  put  two 
ideas  together,  when  required  to  "  write  compo- 
sition," began  the  practice  of  writing  letters  to 
each  other.     One  was  eleven,  the  other  twelve. 


CORRESPONDENTS.  135 

At  first  these  letters  were  very  crudej  and  some 
of  them  very  childish  things. 

But  the  correspondence  continued  as  many 
as  twelve  or  fifteen,  indeed  did  not  entirely 
cease  in  twenty  or  twenty-five  years.  Some- 
times they  wrote  to  each  other  once  a  week ; 
sometimes  it  was  only  once  a  month.  The 
letters  were  often  handed  to  each  other  at  meet- 
ing in  school  and  elsewhere ;  for  they  resided 
so  very  near  together,  that  the  letters  might 
almost  have  been  thrown  from  house  to  house. 

Now  I  will  not  undertake  to  say  exactly 
how  much  influence  this  had  on  the  parties 
concerned,  for  we  are  exceedingly  liable,  in 
doing  such  things,  to  put  effects  for  causes,  and 
causes  for  effects  ;  as  v/ell  as  to  attribute  effects 
to  wrong  causes.  But,  as  a  matter  of  fact,  these 
two  young  persons  both  became  greatly  changed 
in  their  whole  habits  and  lives.  They  both 
became  authors,  one  of  them  distinguished; 
both  became  doers  of  good  ;  especially  eminent 
as  teachers  ;  and  were  it  of  consequence  to  be 
mentioned  in  this  connection,  both  became 
skilled  in  chirography. 

I  might   add   even    more    concerning    the 


136  GIFT    BOOK    FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

missionary  spirit  by  which  these  individuals 
became  actuated  in  after  hfe,  but  I  for- 
bear ;  because,  I  say  again,  it  is  not  certain 
how  much,  in  these  cases  is  fairly  attributable 
to  the  habit  of  letter  writing.  T  forgot  to  men- 
tion that  they  often  criticised  on  each  other's 
style,  and  admonished  each  other  in  regard  to 
conduct;  and  one  of  them  is  accustomed  to 
aclaiowledge  to  his  friends  tliat  the  counsels 
of  his  correspondent,  at  a  certain  period,  gave 
a  favorable  change  to  his  whole  course  of 
life. 

If  young  women,  as  a  general  rule,  were  to 
endeavor  to  do  good  by  frequent  correspond- 
ence with  their  friends,  no  one  can  tell,  till  the 
day  of  judgment  shall  reveal  it,  half  the  good 
they  might  accomplish.  I  firmly  believe  it 
would  add,  in  the  proportion  of  33  to  50  per 
cent,  to  the  beauty  of  their  handwritmg.  It 
would  also  greatly  improve  their  style  of  writ- 
ing as  well  as  of  conversation.  It  is,  in  truth, 
a  practical  way  of  studying  English  Gram- 
mar. 

But  this  is  not  all,  nor  the  most.  There  is 
a  blessedness  in  it,  that  they  only  laiow  who 


CORRESPONDENTS.  137 

have  enjoyed  it.  The  value  of  social  life, 
considered  as  life  merely,  without  much  regard 
to  life's  great  ends,  is  doubled  and  even  tripled 
by  it.  And  then,  if  successful  in  your  efforts 
to  amend  or  reform  your  friend,  as  you  most 
certainly  would  be,  in  some  instances  at  least, 
you  would  have  occasion  in  due  time  to  know 
the  truth  of  what  James  said  on  a  certain  oc- 
casion— That  he  who  converteth  a  sinner  from 
the  error  of  his  way,  shall  save  a  soul  from 
death,  and  hide  a  multitude  of  sins. 


CHAPTER  XIY. 

DOING    GOOD    WITH    THE    PEN. 

Doing  good  to  your  correspondents,  is  one 
species  of  doing  good  with  your  pen,  and  tnis 
1  have  aheady  enjoined  on  you.  But  there 
are  other  ways  in  which  3rou  may  employ  your 
pen  usefully,  besides  letter  writing. 

Some  young  women  have  a  turn  for  poetry. 
A  few  stanzas  in  the  corner  of  a  newspaper, 
over  their  own  signature,  open  or  covert,  de- 
lights them  greatly.  Sometimes,  moreover,  it 
delights  others,  and  they  are  thus  enabled  to 
do  a  great  deal  of  good. 

Observe,  hov/ever,  that  very  much  which  is 
called  poetry  does  not  deserve  the  name.  It  is 
mere  scribbling,  or  worse  than  this ;  it  is  mere 
sound,  wilhout   sense.     Bolter   never  attempt 


DOING    GOOD    WITH    THE    PEN.  139 

any  but  prose  writing  than  to  make  such  silly 
work,  as  do  some  young  people  of  both  sexes. 

I  am  not  aware  that  you  have  ever  tried 
your  skill  at  this  sort  of  writing.  I  am  glad 
you  have  not.  You  might  possibly  succeed  ; 
but  you  would  be  more  likely  to  fail.  Better 
by  far  that  you  should  confine  yourself  to  sim- 
ple prose.  In  this,  I  am  quite  sure,  from  the 
specimens  I  have  seen,  you  will  find  yom'self 
quite  at  home,  and  do  much  good. 

Whether  you  can  write  books  for  the  yoimg, 
or  indeed  for  any  class  of  the  community,  so 
as  to  make  it  a  means  of  support,  I  very  much 
doubt.  I  mention  this  last  circumstance,  be- 
cause, though  I  Iviiow  less  about  your  necessi- 
ties than  you  may  suppose,  yet  I  take  for 
granted  every  young  woman  ought  to  support 
herself  if  she  can.  But  authors,  for  various 
reasons,  though  always  as  a  general  rule,  poor- 
ly paid,  are  much  more  poorly  paid  than  they 
were  twenty-five  years  ago.  There  has  been 
such  an  inundation  of  foreign  books,  which 
cost  the  publishers  aiothing  for  copyright,  that 
authors  have  received  comparatively  little  en- 


140         GIFT    BOOK    FOE    YOUXG    LADIES. 

couragement,  except  in  the  case  of  a  few  fa- 
vored ones  of  great  acquired  reputation. 

Should  you  attempt  authorship,  you  will 
probably  do  most  good  in  making  Sabbath 
School  books.  But  be  slow  and  cautious,  ana 
adhere  as  much  as  possible  to  matters  of  fact ; 
at  least  you  should  be  careful  to  have  these  as 
your  basis. 

I  think,  however,  that  your  "forte"  is  in 
writing  for  our  periodicals.  These  are  nume- 
rous, and  of  every  grade  of  character.  True 
it  is,  that  they  seldom  make  any  compensation 
to  their  contributors;  so  that  you  will  pro- 
bably feel  justified  in  writing  but  little.  Still, 
the  little  you  do,  if  done  right,  may  be  of  in- 
calculable utility.  In  a  few  instances,  how- 
ever, you  may  receive  a  moderate  compensa- 
tion for  your  articles. 

If  your  heart  is  set  on  doing  good,  from  time 
to  time  in  this  way,  watch  the  operations  of 
your  mind,  and  when  you  find  it  full  of  a  sub- 
ject, so  to  speak,  seize  your  first  leisure  hour 
to  let  it  spin  off  at  the  tip  of  your  pen.  Wait, 
however,  till  you  have  thought  the  matter  all 
over. 


DOING    GOOD    WITH    THE    PEN.  141 

Let  me  counsel  you  a  little,  in  regard  to  a 
few  things  which  experience  alone  will  teach, 
but  which  it  will  cost  you  many  long  years  to 
acquire ;  or  which,  if  you  wait  to  acquire,  you 
may  have  to  acquire  at  very  great  cost,  such 
as  the  loss  of  your  eyes,  or  health,  or  life. 

Do  not  write  late  in  the  evening.  Many 
young  people  think  this  is  their  best  hour; 
and  a  few  sit  up  very  late  indeed.  I  knew 
one  young  man,  who  boasted  that  he  could 
write  best  from  midnight  to  two  o'clock.  I 
have  known  many  who  preferred  from  ten 
to  twelve,  or  one.  Never  yield  to  the  tempta- 
tion to  sit  up  later  than  ten  o'clock  ;  and  it  is 
not  well  to  write  even  as  late  as  that. 

Be  careful  about  your  sight.  Do  not  let  the 
lamp  light  fall  directly  on  your  eyes,  at  least 
very  long  at  a  time.  You  may  find  yourself 
attacked  with  the  disease  called  amaurosis  if 
you  do.  Avoid  also  too  feeble  a  light.  Oil  is 
cheaper  than  eyes.  Above  all,  take  special 
care  to  avoid  the  united  effect  of  lamp  light 
and  heat. 

Even  strong  heat  alone,  acting  directly  on 

the  eyes,  may  cause  you  much  trouble.    Sit- 
7 


142         GIFT  BOOK   FOR   TOFNG   LADIES, 

ting  in  a  semicircle  around  hot  fire-place^ 
pleasant  as  from  early  association  it  is  to  many, 
will  be  apt  to  injure  your  eyes,  so  as  to  give 
you  occasion  to  use  spectacles  long  before  you 
jeach  the  age  of  Methuselah. 

Do  not  strive  to  be  witty  ;  it  is  enough  if 
you  are  wise.  Aim,  in  the  first  place,  to  do 
good.  Secondly,  endeavor  to  be  good-natured. 
Thirdly,  be  sprightly.  If  wit  comes,  do  not 
despise  or  reject  it ;  but  never  strain  for  it.  It 
is  the  most  useless  thing,  in  conversation  and 
in  writing,  when  it  does  not  flow  freely,  that 
can  possibly  be.  As  Young,  the  poet,  has 
well  said  : 

"  It  hoists  Tiscre  sail  to  run  against  a  rock." 

But  I  must  conclude  this  letter.  My  next 
will  be  longer,  for  I  have  more  to  say. 


CHAPTEE  XY. 

PARTICULAR   FRIENDSHIPS. 

li  'VV'iTHouT  a  friend  the  world  is  but  a  wilder- 
ness," said  an  old  school  book,  in  which,  nearly- 
half  a  century  ago,  I  used  to  read  daily  les- 
sons, at  the  primary  or  district  school.  "A 
man  may  have  a  thousand  intimate  acquaint- 
ances," said  the  same  book,  farther  on,  "and 
not  one  friend  among  them  all."  "  If  you  have 
one  friend,"  said  the  writer  in  conclusion, 
"  think  yourself  happy." 

Unhappily  for  the  well-being  of  our  race, 
this  statement  is  not  so  wide  from  truth  as 
many  individuals  might  at  first  view  suppose. 
For  not  a  few  people  can  be  found  who  pass  a 
long  life  in  this  wilderness  world,  as  the  Amer- 
ican Preceptor  called  it,  without  a  single  real 


144  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG   LADIES, 

friend.  Real  friendship  is  a  plant  rarely  found 
on  this  terrestrial  sphere. 

To  be  willing  to  die  for  another  has  been 
sometimes  regarded  as  the  best  and  surest  test 
of  friendship  ;  hence  the  story  of  Damon  and 
Pythias  has  been  told,  and  the  conduct  of  the 
heroic  friend  has  been  lauded  in  all  ages.  And 
we  have  high  authority,  as  it  would  seem,  for 
this  low  view  of  the  highest  friendship. 
'•'  Greater  love  hath  no  man  than  this,  that  a 
man  lay  down  his  life  for  his  friends." 

But  have  we  understood  correctly  the  im- 
port of  this  remarkable  declaration  ?  Was  it 
more  than  to  prepare  the  way  for  what  imme- 
diately followed — viz.,  "A  new  commandment 
give  I  unto  you ;  that  ye  love  one  another  as  I 
have  loved  you  ?  " 

And  how  had  he  loved  them?  How,  in- 
deed, but  by  living  for  them?  And  this 
living  for  them  he  was  about  to  set  his  seal  to, 
by  dying  for  them.  In  my  own  view,  the 
statement  that  no  man  had  exhibited  higher 
love  than  to  die  for  his  friend,  was  designed  to 
illustrate  his  own  higher  love  and  friendship 
by  placing  it  in  contrast. 


PARTICULAR    FRIENDSHIPS.  145 

Now  this  willingness  to  live  and  die  for 
each  other,  actually  carried  into  daily  and 
hourly  life,  is  the  test  of  Christian  friend- 
ship. Merely  to  be  willing  to  die  for  one 
another,  is  a  good  test  of  heathen  friendship, 
but  the  Gospel  suggests  a  higher,  and  more 
difficult.  It  costs  not  half  the  effect  to  die  for 
a  friend  that  it  does  to  live  for  him.  Any  one 
can  do  tire  former  ;  some  have  done  it ; — few, 
if  any,  except  our  Saviour  and  the  martyrs, 
have  come  up  to  the  spirit  of  the  latter. 

God  has  instituted  the  family,  in  part,  no 
doubt,  as  a  means  of  securing  this  point — that 
of  having  a  few  friends.  In  the  first  place,  it 
establishes,  or  ought  to  establish,  the  friendship 
of  conjugal  life.  Secondly,  the  friendship  of 
parents  for  children,  and  children  for  parents. 
Thirdly,  the  friendship  of  brothers  and  sis- 
ters. 

Where  friendship  is  thus  secured — where 
the  duties  of  these  various  relationships  are 
properly  discharged — the  members  of  a  family 
are  ready  to  do  any  thing  whatever  which  may 
be  necessary  for  the  common  or  general  good 
of  the  family.     And  not  only  this,  but  they  are 


146    •       GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

ready  to  undergo  any  privation  or   suffering 
which  may  be  necessary. 

To  be  a  Uttle  more  practical.  You  are  re- 
quired to  be  the  true  friend  of  your  parents, 
and  your  brothers  and  sisters.  Tiiey  are  also 
required  to  be  friends  to  you.  But  their  friend- 
ship for  you,  you  cannot  wholly  control.  It  is 
true,  as  the  old  adage  says,  that  they  who 
wish  to  have  friends,  should  first  show  them- 
selves friendly.  Your  friendship  for  them, 
duly  carried  out,  will  have  some  effect  to  ren- 
der them  friendly  to  you  ;  but  it  will  not  wholly 
form  anew,  that  character  which  has  been 
fixed  or  stationary  for  fifteen  or  twenty  years. 

The  truth  is,  few  parents  are  the  real  friends 
of  their  children.  They  may  be  willing  to  suf- 
fer for  them,  and  possibly  even  to  die  for  them. 
Such  love  you  may  have  for  your  brothers  and 
sisters.  But  these  instinctive  or  family  friend- 
ships seldom  rise  higher  than  this.  Where 
will  you  find  the  father,  mother,  brother,  sis- 
ter, son,  or  daughter,  who  is  daily  and  hourly 
laboring  to  live  for  his  relatives — whose  in- 
tellectual and  spiritual  life  is,  as  it  were,  bound 
up  in  theirs? 


PARTICULAR    FRIENDSPIIFS.  147 

Do  you  ask  what  it  is  to  which  I  refer,  when 
I  speak  so  often  of  Hving  and  dying  for  each 
other,  as  the  test  of  friendship  ?  Or,  at  least, 
what  it  is  in  particular,  which  I  mean,  by  liv- 
ing for  each  other  ?  Or,  still  more  specifically, 
what,  according  to  my  own  view,  are  some  of 
the  offices  of  this  living  friendship  ? 

The  reply  in  few  words  is,  The  greatest  and 
highest  office  of  friendship  is  to  make  wiser 
and  better,  especially  the  latter.  When  parents 
or  other  family  relations  make  it  their  constant 
task  to  correct  the  faults,  remove  the  ignorance, 
and  develop  all  the  good  tendencies  of  those 
with  whom  God  has  thus  brought  them  in 
contact,  then,  and  only  then,  do  they  become 
true  friends, 

I  might  leave  it  with  you  to  apply  the  prin- 
ciples I  have  here  laid  down  to  your  own  cir- 
cumstances. You  know  whether  in  giving 
you  parents  and  other  near  relatives — as  good 
and  as  friendly,  to  say  the  least,  as  the  aver- 
age— God  has,  at  the  same  time,  given  you 
friends  ;  or  whether,  notwithstanding  the  abun- 
dance of  their  instinctive  love,  the  Avorld  is 
but  a  wilderness  and  a  solitary  place  to  5^ou. 


148  GIFT   BOOK   FOR    YOUI^G   LADIES. 

You  know  whether  their  great  aim  has  heen 
to  make  you  what  God  designed  you  to  be ; 
whether  they  have  trained  you  for  him,  or 
whether  they  have  simply  consuhed  their  own 
convenience  in  their  whole  coursCj  without  so 
much  as  once  a  day  asking  what  God  would 
have  them  do  with,  and  for  you. 

For  myself  I  can  scarcely  believe  that  you 
have  been  the  subjects  of  family  arrangements 
which  exclude  God  and  Christ,  and  which  are 
essentially  infidel.  And  yet  such  is  the  gene- 
ral course,  even  in  Christian  families.  Chil- 
dren are  almost  as  seldom  trained  to  be  the 
missionaries  of  Christ — to  do  what  he  would 
do  in  their  circumstances — as  if  Christ  had 
never  lived  and  died  for  them. 

Need  I  repeat  that  children  not  thus  trained 
— I  mean  trained  or  educated  with  a  lower 
aim  than  this — are  without  friends,  so  far  as 
that  education  is  concerned?  That  the 
parents  who  only  labor  to  bring  up  their  chil- 
dren in  accordance  with  the  general  sentiment 
of  the  religious  public,  are  not  actuated  by  any 
thing  like  true  fiicndship  J 

But  I  may  seem  to  forget  whom  I  am  ad- 


PARTICULAR   FRIENDSHIPS.  149 

dressing.  I  am  only  preparing  the  way  for 
yon,  so  that  you  may  ascertain  whether  or  not 
you  have  any  true  friends.  For  if  not,  and  if 
the  world  is  but  a  wilderness,  without  at  least 
one  such,  then  it  is  high  time  to  seek  for  one. 

Let  me  advert  to  one  or  two  rules,  by  which 
you  may  be  assisted  in  your  inquiries. 

Do  those  persons  who  are  nearest  to  you, 
who  love  you  most,  who  think  they  are  your 
friends,  and  who  would  in  any  event  vdsh  to 
be  so — do  they  speak  of  you  habitually,  as 
their  property,  or  as  God's  ?  Do  they  speak 
of  you,  I  say,  as  their  property,  and  of  your 
death — should  you  sicken  and  die — as  their 
loss,  or  as  God's  ?  Or  if  they  speak  of  other 
parents,  as  losing  their  children,  how  do  th^y 
speak  in  that  case  ? 

Do  they  labor,  from  day  to  day,  to  correct 
your  faults  ?  Or  do  they,  for  fear  of  giving 
you  pain  or  humbling  you  in  your  own  estima- 
tion, suffer  your  wrong  habits  to  go  unreproved 
and  uncorrected  ?  Do  they  even  worse  than 
this — do  they  endeavor  to  gloss  them  over,  or 
even  conceal  them ;  and  do  they  teach  you  by 

example  to  do  the  same  7    Or  if  they  do  none 

7* 


150  GUT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

of  these  things,  now  that  your  character  is 
more  fully  formed,  did  they  thus,  when  you 
were  from  seven  or  eight  to  fifteen  or  twenty  ? 

If  you  should  have  reason  to  believe,  on  due 
examination,  that  neither  your  parents,  nor 
any  of  your  brothers  or  sisters,  have  ever 
learned  to  act  the  part  of  true  friendship,  and 
that  it  is  too  late  for  your  parents  to  do  so, 
consider  well  whether  you  have  a  brother  or  a 
sister  that  may  be  fashioned  by  God  and  your- 
self for  this  kind  office. 

An  elder  brother  will  be,  in  many  respects, 
a  suitable  person  for  your  purpose.  He  would 
be  so,  at  least,  were  he  as  much  in  your  soci- 
ety as  an  elder  sister.  A  female  resident  in 
the  family — some  maiden  lady  in  whom  you 
have  confidence — will  answer  well  your  ends, 
when  there  is  no  suitable  brother  or  sister. 

Better  go  out  of  the  family,  however,  than 
to  pass  through  the  world  friendless.  Some 
young  woman  v/hom  you  know  in  the  neigh- 
borhood, may  be  the  individual  to  assist  you 
in  the  great  work  of  becoming  wiser  and  bet- 
ter. But  it  should  be  some  one  who  knows 
you  pretty  intimately;  who  sees  you  pretty 


FARTICULAR    FRIENDSHIPS.  151 

often ;  and  who  is  herself  striving  to  become 
what  you  desire  to  be. 

Of  course  there  can  be  no  objection  to  more 
than  one  friend.  But  so  rare  are  individuals 
to  be  found  who  are  willing  to  bear  the  bur- 
dens  for  the  sake  of  the  rewards  of  friendship^ 
that  you  may  think  yourself  highly  favorec(. 
in  finding  and  securing  one.  I  never  knew  a^ 
person  who  had  more  than  three.  Fewer,  by 
far,  have  none  at  all,  than  three  or  even  four. 

When  I  say  I  never  knew  a  person  who  had 
more  than  three  true  friends,  I  do  not  mean  to 
affirm,  unwisely,  that  no  individual  ever  had  a 
greater  number ;  or  even  that  none  of  my  own 
acquaintances  ever  had  a  greater  number.  I 
only  speak  of  v/hat  I  know,  and  testify  of 
what  I  have  seen.  They  may  have  had 
friends  of  whom  I  was  ignorant. 


!  CHAPTER  XYI. 


SOCIETY   OF   THE    OTHER   SEX. 

ou  will  have  seen,  by  this  time,  that  I  regard 
ou  as  a  social — not  a  solitary  being.  You 
ee  1  attach  great  importance  to  friendship  and 
,ympathy ;  not  solely  on  account  of  the  plea- 
sure we  feel  in  rejoicing  with  those  who  rejoice 
and  weeping  with  those  who  weep,  but  also  on 
the  ground  of  utility — their  instrumentality  in 
making  us  wiser  and  better,  and  enablmg  us 
the  better  to  fulfil  our  mission. 

And  why  should  we  not  regard  friendship 
and  social  life  as  greatly  important  ?  Has  not 
the  Creator  regarded  them  thus  ?  Is  it  noc 
written  on  the  whole  constitution  of  human 
nature,  as  well  as  on  surrounding  things,  that 
man  is  for  society  ?  Why,  then,  were  it  other- 
wise, do  we  have  the  family  and  the  church  ? 


SOCIETY    OF    THE    OTHER    SEX.  153 

I  have  somewhere  in  my  writings — I  beheve 
in  my  "Letters  to  Young  Men" — remarked 
that  God  might  have  made  our  world,  had  he 
chosen  to  do  so,  on  the  sohtary  plan.  Or 
rather,  had  he  chosen  to  do  it,  he  might  have 
cut  up  our  planet  into  some  800,000,000  or 
1000,000,000  of  smaller  worlds,  placed  a 
human  being  on  each,  and  set  him  and  his 
globe  to  whirling,  as  he  has  this.  And  he 
might,  too,  have  so  arranged  things  that  he 
might  have  had  possession  of  it,  for  thousands 
of  years,  "sole  monarch"  of  all  he  sur- 
veyed. 

But  such  is  not  the  scheme  under  which  we 
live.  It  is  far  otherwise.  Providence  has  laid 
the  plan  of  a  great  family.  And  not  content 
with  sketching  the  design,  he  has  done  all  he 
could,  consistently  with  human  free  agency, 
to  put  it  in  successful  operation.  Mankind,  of 
both  sexes,  are  designed  for  social  life,  and  for 
f'iendship. 

I  said,  in  my  last,  that,  on  many  accounts, 
an  elder  brother  was  apt  to  prove  a  valuable 
friend.  But  I  mentioned,  at  the  same  time,  a 
difficulty — that    brothers  and  sisters    are  not 


154  GIFT  BOOK   FOE  YOUNG   LADIES. 

enough  in  the  society  of  each  other  to  make 
them  vakiable  friends.  This  is  the  fact  when 
brothers  remain  in  the  family.  But  they  are. 
often,  early  separated  from  the  family — which 
increases  the  difficulty. 

It  is  therefore  a  wise  ordinance  of  the  great 
Creator  that  an  attachment  to  the  other  sex, 
beyond  the  precincts  of  the  family,  should  at 
an  early  age  spring  up,  and  gradually  de- 
velop itself,  especially  when  it  meets  with  a 
corresponding  feeling  from  those  towards 
Avhom  it  is  directed.  The  result  is,  m  some 
instances,  a  friendship  as  lasting  as  life  itself 

When  this  is  the  favorable  result,  one  great 
end  of  the  divine  mind,  in  so  forming  our 
natures  as  to  have  them  point  in  such  a  dhec- 
tion,  is  answered.  All  the  failures  of  the 
parents  and  other  members  of  the  family  are 
thus,  in  some  measure,  made  up,  or  may 
be  so. 

But  observe  that  I  have  said,  in  relation  to 
this  subject,  in  some  instances.  Would  that 
such  were  the  general  result,  or  that  it  were 
so,  in  a  majority  of  cases.  Would  that  it  were 
something  more,  even,  than  a  rare  exception 


iiiilii 


SOCIETY    OP    THE    OTHER    SEX.  155 

to  the  general  rule.  You  will  not  find  it  thus, 
in  one  case  of  ten. 

There  are  various  reasons  for  this.  One  is 
a  want  of  proper  knowledge  on  this  great  sub- 
ject. Young  women  have  seldom,  if  ever, 
received  any  valuable  instruction  from  those 
whose  delightful  office  it  should  have  been  to 
point  their  offspring  to  what  is  alike  their  high 
destiny  and  duty.  Parents  have  not  been,  as  a 
general  rule,  the  true  friends  of  their  children. 

Another  reason  why  a  genuine  attachment 
and  union  of  the  sexes  does  not  secure  the 
point  of  having  at  least  one  true  friend,  and 
that  for  life,  is,  that  young  men  are  as  unin- 
formed on  this  subject  as  young  women.  They 
even  think  much  less  of  conjugal  life,  as  a 
means  of  forming  and  elevating  their  charac- 
ter, than  young  women  do. 

But  another  reason  still,  is  the  want  of  a  dis- 
position to  do  as  well  as  they  know.  For  nei- 
ther young  women  nor  young  men  come  up  to 
known  duty,  in  this  particular.  They  wil- 
lingly suffer  fancy,  passion,  and  appetite  to 
mislead  them.  They  are  also  misled  by  many 
other  influences. 


156  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOrNG-  LADIES. 

But  the  most  prolific  cause  of  the  unfortu- 
nate result  to  which  I  have  alluded,  is  the 
great  fact,  that  the  society  of  the  sexes  is  not 
properly  managed.  Yomig  women,  very  often, 
enter  into  matrimonial  life  as  ignorant  of  the 
character  of  their  associate  as  ignorant  can 
be.  No  wonder  they  so  seldom  find  a  friend, 
and  that  we  have,  in  the  language  of  Dr. 
Watts,  so  "  few  happy  matches." 

"  'Tis  friendship  makes  the  bondage  sweet," 

he  says ;  and  he  says  truly.  And  it  is  the 
want  of  true  friendship,  in  matrimonial  life, 
that  more  than  all  things  else  below  the  sun, 
makes  life  a  scene  of  discord,  and  sometimes 
a  burden. 

Now,  as  surely  as  God  has  made  matrimony 
a  duty  on  the  part  of  both  sexes,  and  required 
them  to  be  trained  to  look  forward  to  it  as  a 
duty,  just  so  surely  has  he  designed  friendship 
to  be  one  great  end  of  that  matrimony.  This 
points  out,  of  course,  the  first  and  great  quali- 
fication you  are  to  seek,  in  a  companion  of  the 
other  sex.  The  first  great  question,  then,  you 
are  tc  ask,  in  seeking  out  a  friend  for  life,  is, 


SOCIETY    OF    THE    OTHER    SEX.  157 

Have  God  and  nature  formed  him  for  friend- 
ship ? 

You  will  be  disposed  to  interrupt  me  here, 
and  say,  But  can  there  be  no  society,  or  at 
least,  no  intimate  friendship  for  the  other  sex, 
but  what  points  to  matrimony  ?  Is  the  circle 
of  male  friendships  thus  narrow  ? 

Not  necessarily,  I  admit.  Friendships  for 
the  opposite  sex  pa-e  occasionally  formed,  which 
are  highly  valuable  ;  but  which  have  not  the 
slightest  bearing  on  the  point  of  which  I  have 
been  speaking.  I  have  known  some  such. 
Generally,  however,  it  is  not  so. 

A  yomig  man  may  select  a  young  woman, 
or  rather  a  woman  of  middle  age,  as  a  valua- 
ble friend,  without  entertaining  a  particular 
affection  for  her  ;  but,  for  some  reason  or  other, 
a  young  woman  of  from  fifteen  to  thirty,  will 
find  it  more  difficult.  Indeed  it  is  a  course 
which  I  cannot  recommend  it  to  you  to  at- 
tempt, out  of  the  familjr  in  which  you  were 
born. 

I  have  said  that  a  young  man  may  some- 
times have  for  an  intimate  friend,  a  middle- 
aged  woman.    There  is  one  reason  av;^^"  friends 


158        GIFT  book:  foe  youxq  ladies. 

of  opposite  sexes  are  particularly  desirable 
They  may  discover  faults  which  otherwise 
might  never  be  detected.  Woman,  especially, 
is  eagle-eyed  to  discover  our  faults.  She 
seems,  on  some  points,  to  know  us,  as  it  were, 
by  intuition.  And  I  have  reason  for  believmg 
that,  in  a  few  particulars,  our  sex  are  able  to 
detect  faults  in  ^^ours,  which  might  elude  all 
3rour  own  vigilance. 

All  this  points  to  matrimony,  as  indispensa- 
ble to  the  perfection  of  human  character.  It 
is,  in  truth,  my  most  deliberate  conviction,  that 
every  individual  of  the  human  race  should  be 
trained  to  look  forward  to  matrimonial  life  as 
a  duty — I  had  almost  said  a  sacred  duty. 
They  should  regard  it  as  such  primarily,  if 
not  chiefly,  for  the  sake  of  friendship. 

The  young,  I  knov\^,  especially  young  wo- 
men, are  apt  to  regard  themselves  at  perfect 
liberty  on  this  great  subject.  Indeed  I  know 
of  nothing  about  which  they  are  so  unwilling 
to  brook  restraint,  or  even  feel  obligation.  "  If 
a  young  woman  is  not  free  in  this  matter,-' 
said  a  female  acquaintance  of  mine,  "  I  know 
not  where  she  is  so." 


SOCIETY    OF    THE    OTHER    SEX.  159 

Most  certainly,  I  said,  she  is  free  as  air  in 
this  particular  as  in  all  others,  with  one  excep- 
tion ;  she  is  not  free  to  do  wrong.  She  is  un- 
der obligation  to  obey  the  laws  of  God,  wher- 
ever she  finds  them.  And  if  marriage  is  one 
of  the  divine  laws — one  too,  which  has  been 
of  six  thousand  years  standing,  and  which  has 
never  yet  been  repealed — is  she  not  bound  to 
conform  to  it  ? 

It  does  not  follow,  that  she  is  bound  to  mar 
ry,  at  any  particular  age,  especially  at  an  early 
age.  Nor  has  God  required  her  to  connect  her- 
self thus,  for  life,  with  strangers.  He  has  only 
made  the  general  requisition,  and  pointed  out 
the  general  laws  by  which  she  should  be  gov- 
erned, in  this  respect ;  leaving  it  to  science,  and 
experience,  and  common  sense,  to  make  the 
application. 

Many  of  my  thoughts  on  this  great  subject, 
you  have  probably  seen  developed  in  the 
"Young  Man's  Guide."  True,  I  was  there 
writing  for  the  eye  of  young  men  more  direct- 
ly ;  but  also,  indirectly,  for  that  of  young  wo- 
men. Not  a  few  of  the  very  same  qualifica- 
tions which  a  young  man  should  seek  in  a 


160  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

female  friend  for  life,  should  be  sought  also  by 
young  women  in  the  opposite  sex. 

But  there  are  thoughts  not  found  in  that 
work,  which  it  seems  to  me  might  be  useful  to 
you ;  and  which  I  will  present  for  your  consi- 
deration in  my  next  letter.  And  there  are 
other  thoughts  there  which  ought  to  be  amph- 
fied.  But  this  letter  is  sufficiently  extended, 
and  I  will  close  it  when  I  have  added  one 
thought  more. 

It  is  this.  The  conditions  and  circumstances 
of  matrimonial  life,  when  the  qualifications  of 
the  parties  are  such  as  they  ought  to  be,  and 
when  they  are  mutually  adapted  to  each  other, 
are  such  that  woman  can  far  better  fulfil  her 
mission  in  this  relation  than  in  any  other.  It 
brings  her  into  contact  with  society,  in  a  way 
and  manner,  and  with  a  weight  of  influence, 
to  which  she  must,  without  it,  ever  remain  a 
stranger. 


CHAPTER  XYn. 

FRIENDSHIPS   WITH   THE    0THi3R   SEX 

One  essential  qualification  of  a  friend  and 
companion  for  life  is,  as  I  said  in  my  last  let- 
ter, a  constitutional  capability.  Have  God  and 
nature  formed  him  for  friendship  ?  should  be 
with  you,  as  I  said,  a  great  and  important  ques- 
tion.   And  I  still  adhere  to  this  opinion. 

I  do  not  mean  to  say,  or  to  intimate,  that 
God  has  so  formed  some  men  that  they  are 
absolutely  incapable  of  friendship.  No  such 
thing.  Undoubtedly -the  world  animal,  every 
species  of  it,  was  formed,  like  the  world  vege- 
table, on  the  great  principle  of  endless  variety 
of  character.  Still  there  can.be  no  doubt  that 
every  individual  of  our  race  might  be  so  train- 
ed and  circumstanced,  as  to  be  capable  of  a 
greater  or  less  degree  of  friendship. 


162  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

And  yet  it  -would  not  be  ti-ue  to ,  say,  that 
every  individual  of  our  race  has  been  thus 
trained.  Our  education  is  so  selfish  in  its 
character — that  of  the  family,  no  less  than  that 
of  the  school — that  our  natures,  as  they  appear 
at  twelve,  fifteen,  or  twenty,  are  often  entirely 
unfitted  for  the  great  work  of  being  friendly. 

You  have  had  ample  opportunity,  consider- 
ing your  age,  for  verifying  the  truth  of  what  I 
now  assert.  You  have  been  as  ready,  almost 
so  as  myself,  to  complain  of  human  selfish- 
ness, in  its  various  forms.  You  have  found, 
as  you  thought,  some  of  the  strongest  mani- 
festations of  it  in  our  sex.  You  have  found  it 
among  your  acquaintance,  if  not  your  relatives. 
You  have  found  it  at  the  school-room,  at  the 
social  party,  and  elsewhere.  In  short,  you 
have  found  it  wherever  you  have  found  boys 
and  young  men.  And  more  than  this,  you 
have  sometimes  been  discouraged. 

But  it  should  not  be  so.  You  do  not  forget 
v\^hat  Solomon  says :  that  though  he  had  not 
found  one  true  woman  among  a  thousand,  he 
had  been  a  little  more  successful  among  his 


FRIENDSHIPS — THE    OTHER    SEX.        163 

own  sex.  One  man  among  a  thousand  have  I 
found,  says  he.  And  I  think  the  proportion  in 
our  day,  and  in  Christian  countries,  if  not  as 
great  as  it  should  be,  is  much  greater  than  one 
in  a  thousand  in  the  ranks  of  both  sexes. 

There  are  young  men  who  care  for  others. 
There  are  those  who  remember  that  there  is 
somebody  else  in  the  world  besides  themselves. 
There  are  those  who  have  friendly  feelings 
towards  others — who  have  moments  of  their 
life,  at  the  least,  in  which  they  desire  to  do 
them  good. 

You  will  discover  it  in  their  whole  deport- 
ment. You  will  discover  it  in  the  respect  they 
show  for  their  mothers  and  sisters,  and  other 
female  friends.  You  will  discover  it  in  their 
treatment  of  infancy  and  cliaidhood.  You  will 
discover  it — you  m.ust  ere  now  have  discovered 
it  at  the  public^chools. 

I  grant,  indeed,  that  such  exhibitions  of  a 
capacity  for  forming  real  friendship  may  bo 
rare ;  and  I  admit,  most  cheerfully,  what  I  have 
known  you  and  many  other  young  women 
urge^  that  all  this  which  I  have  mentioned,  is 


164  GIFT   BOOK  FOE   YOUNGf   LADIES. 

often  mere  pretext — done  for  effect.  Never- 
theless there  are  some  noble  and  hearty  excep- 
tions. 

On  this  point,  however,  I  wish  to  be  under- 
stood. I  am  far  enough  from  believing,  that 
there  is  no  mixture  of  selfishness  with  the  de- 
sire which  is  occasionally  found,  to  please  and 
make  happy.  I  would  not  endorse  for  the  per- 
fection, absolutely  and  unqualifiedly,  of  any 
young  man  in  the  world.  All  seek  their  own, 
more  or  less,  not  another's  good. 

Still  you  will  find,  along  with  the  native  and 
acquired  selfishness  of  young  men,  quite  a 
sprinkling  of  benevolence.  You  have  found 
it  aheady  among  some  of  your  own  circle ; 
you  will  not  doubt  that  it  can  be  found  among 
others.  You  will  not  believe  that  your  own 
relatives  and  acquaintances  are  superior  to 
those  of  every  body  else.  |^       s^     . 

Or,  if  you  still  say  that  when  they»take  in 
their  arms  the  crying  infant,  or  reach  forth  the 
helping  hand  to  the  chilcT  who  has  fallen  in 
the  street,  or  listen  to  its  prattle,  it  is  all  to 
please  the  mother,  or  sisters,  or  other  friends, 
and  is  consequently  still  selfish  in  its  charac- 


FRIENDSHIPS — THE    OTHER    SEX.        165 

ter ;  you  will  not  deny,  of  course,  that  these 
deeds,  with  a  benevolent  outside,  are  daily  and 
hourly  performed.  There  is  at  least  the  sem- 
blance of  benevolence. 

Now  I  must  put  in  a  claim  just  at  this  point. 
Can  you  believe  that  there  is  nothing  genuine 
in  all  this  ?  Grant  that  the  coiunterfeit  by  far 
exceeds  the  genuine  ;  is  there,  therefore,  no 
genuine  ?  So  much  smoke,  and  yet  no  fire  ? 
Do  you  seriously  believe  it  ?  I  am  sure  you 
cannot. 

The  counterfeit,  as  I  maintain,  implies  the 
genuine.  More  than  even  this,  it  proves  its  high 
value.  The  more  frequent  the  counterfeit,  as 
a  general  rule,  the  greater  the  worth  of  the 
genuine.  Men  do  not  usually  drive  a  very 
large  business  in  counterfeiting  that  which 
they  know  society  will  rega^d^S^'  valueiess. 

You  have,  I  know,  many  difficulties  to  en- 
counter. It  is  not  always,  nor  indeed  often, 
easy  to  distinguish  the  genuine  from  the  coun- 
terfeit. There  is  a  risk  to  be  run.  Not  so 
great,  however,  where  good  sense  is  brought 
into  requisition,  as  in  other  circunistances. 
Matrimony  is  not  quite  a  lottery ;  at  least  it 


166       GIFT  boo:k  ¥ou  rojji^G  ladies. 

need  not  be  so.  God  never  intended  it  should 
"be.  Still  there  is  room  for  mistake ;  and  there 
should  be.  This  is  one  part  of  the  trial  of 
your  character. 

One  of  the  difficulties  you  have  to  encoun- 
ter isj  in  the  fact  that  young  men  whom  you 
meet  at  your  age,  do  often  so,  while  in  your 
presence,  assume '  the  borrowed  character  al- 
ready alluded  to }  while  custom  does  not  per- 
mit you  to  see  them  much  in  other  circum- 
stances. You  are  almost  compelled  to  see  them 
where  custom  requires  them  to  act  over  this 
borrowed  part. 

Were  you  to  see  them  at  their  homes  more 
frequently,  and  in  their  accustomed  dress,  em- 
ployments, and  society,  it  would  be  otherwise. 
You  might  then  judge  of  their  real  character, 
with  considerable  exactness  and  certainty. 
Grant  to'womaiTout  this  privilege,  and  compel 
her  to  exercise  it,  and  the  complaint  that  mar- 
riage is  a  lottery,  and  male  friendships  a  mere 
mockery,  would  ere  long  pass  into  desuetude. 

She  might,  indeed,  in  too  many  instances, 
for  a  time,  make  blunders.  She  might  be  gov- 
erned in  her  selection,  by  mere  whim,  or  caprice, 


FltlENDSIIIPS THE    OTHER    SEX.        167 

or  fancy ;  or  sometimes  by  an  undue  regard  to 
property,  rank,  or  other  factitious  circumstances. 
A  majority,  however,  of  the  wise,  would  make 
a  more  rational  choice.  There  would  be,  with 
these,  a  due  regard  for  friendship,  or  at  least 
for  the  capacity  to  be  friendly ;  and  the  world 
would  not  fail  to  discover  it,  and  in  process  of 
time,  to  imitate  it. 

But  though  you  cannot  control  all  the  cir- 
cumstances of  life,  you  can  do  very  much. 
If  you  cannot  shape  the  company  to  which  you 
are  admitted,  you  can  very  greatly  shape  that 
to  which  you  admit  others.  Or  if,  in  extend- 
ing your  invitations  to  those  around  yoix^it^ 
should  seem  expedient  to  you  to  exercise  the 
truly  republican  right  of  choice ;  still"  it  will 
give  you  an  opportunity  to  exercise  some  de- 
gree of  choice  in  regard  to  yoiLir  rnore  intimate 
male  associates.  It  will  enable  you  to  judge 
who  in  the  company  is  worthy  of  your  pre- 
ference. 

Not,  it  is  true,  if  your  parties  are  confined  to 
the  evening  hours  ;  nor,  above  all,  if  you  do 
not  break  up  till  midnight  or  afterward.  It  is 
a  miserable  season  between  nine  or  ten  in  the 


^5i> 


168  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

evening,  (the  hour  when  all  good  people  ought, 
as  a  general  rule,  to  retire,)  and  twelve,  or  one 
at  night,  to  study  character. 

Worse  still  is  it,  when  accompanied  by  the 
song,  the  dance,  the  supper,  or  the  wine,  or  by 
any  two  of  these.  One  of  the  first  two  of  these, 
for  an  early  hour  or  so,  under  the  eye  of  judi- 
cious older  persons^  .might  be  tolerable ;  but 
beyotud  this,  good  taste  should  not  permit  you 
to  go. 

Worst  of  all,  however,  when  you  attempt  to 
study  character  at  late  night  hours,  and  alone. 
But,  on  this  point,  I  forget  that  my  cautions 
are  not  needed.  Your  society,  male  and 
female,  is  of  a  class  thart  voluntarily  breaks 
up  at  th^hour  of  closing  business — the  hour 
when  na'tu^e,  and  philosophy,  and  physiology 
alike  demand  it. 

Your  custom  of  encouraging  parties  of 
young  people,  both  by  precept  and  example, 
to  meet  at  an  early  hour  of  the  afternoon,  and  to 
break  up  immediately  after  "tea,"  (as  the  third 
meal  used  to  be  called,)  or  at  most  at  eight  or 
nine  o'clock,  is  worthy  of  all  admiration,  and 


is 


FRIENDSHIPS THE    OTHER    SEX.        169 

all  imitation.  I  have  thought  of  it  a  thousand 
times,  and  always  with  much  pleasure.  OTof^ 
you  do  nothing  else,  while  you  live^  ia  the  way  * 

of  reforming  the  erroneous  habits  of  sdciGty,  i 

than  to  set  this  bright  example  in  your  neigh- 
borhood, you  will  have  th.e  consolation  of  not 
having  lived  wholly  in  vain.  For  though  the 
custom  may  not,  at  present,  be  largely  follow- 
ed, yet  the  hour  is  coming  when  it  will  stand 
out  like  a  beautiful  oasis  in  the  monotony-  of* 
life's  Sahara,  and  be  copied  perhaps  by  t^u- 
sands  and  million.s... 

If  yoif^sk  lohen^^  you  proposea  q.uestion  whieh     . 
I  cannet  ai^wer.     I  know  nof'whe.ther  it  will 
be  in  fifty  years,'  five  hundred,  or  five  thou- 
sandv   Indeed  it  does  not  belong  to  my  mission 
to  atfain  tQ.  any  certainty  about  times  and  sea- 
sons, which  God  hath  put  in  his  own  power. 
Enough  perhaps,  f8^©%and  me,  if  we  do  our  ,.         ^ 
duty,  and  leave  tR'e  future  to  Him  who  sees    \*^:JB 
the  end  from  the  beginning.  \        ^ 

You  may  say,  as  you  have  sometimes  said  '  ' 
before,  that  I  have  large  faith.     It  may  be  so  ; 
it  certainly  should  be  so.     And  I  wish  you  to 


170  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

have.  I  am  fully  assured,  both  from  Scripture 
TinJ'the  nature  of  things,  that  God  hath  in  re- 
serve for  us,  great  things.  And  that  to  bring 
to  pass  these  great  things,  woman,  in  the  daily 
and  hourly  fulfilment  of  her  mission,  is  to  be  a 
most  important  and  efficient  instrument. 

But  woman,  in  order  to  carry  out  her  mis- 
sion in  the  best  manner,  must,  I  say  again,  have 
one  male  friend.  She  may  do  much  alone,  I 
grant — I  have  already  granted  it.  She  may 
d%  much  with  the  aid  and  sympathy  of  female 
friendship.  Nothing,  however,  at.  least  com- 
paratively nothing,  to  what  she  may  do  when 
aided  by  a  worthy  friend  of  kindred  spirit  from 
the  opposite  sex.  Matrimony  not  only  dou- 
bles the  joys  of  life,  but  it  doubles  and  triples, 
yea,  and  quadruples  its  efficiency  for  good, 
both  to  the  parties  themselves  and  to  the 
world.  •  *   *  * 

I  may  seem  to  you  digressing.  My  main 
purpose  in  this  letter,  was  to  tell  you  how  to 
overcome  the  difficulties  you  must  meet  with, 
in  the  selection  of  a  truly  worthy  friend  and 
companion  for  life.     I  wished  to  make  many 


FRIENDSHIPS — THE    OTHER    SEX.        171 

preliminary  remarks,  however.  These  I  have 
now  made.  Unexpectedly,  they  have  taken 
up  so  much  space  that  I  must  defer  the  rest  to 
another  opportunity. 


CHAPTEK  XYin. 

QUALIFICATIONS    OF    A    TRUE    FRIEND. 

Do  you  never  pray  7  But  why  should  I  ask 
such  a  question  ?     I  know  you  are  a  woman 

of  prayer.  Ask,  then,  the  Divine  guidance, 
that  what  I  shall  say  may  be  not  only  said 
wisely,  but  properly  and  kindly  received,  and 
may  be  productive  of  good  results. 

I  have  alluded  to  the  difficulties  you  have 
to  encounter  in  your  endeavors  to  determine, 
for  yourself,  whether  a  young  man  is  formed 
for — is  capable  of  friendship.  These  difficul- 
ties, I  have  told  you,  though  great,  are  not 
wholly  insurmountable.  They  have  been  met 
and  overcome.  And  Vv^hat  lias  been  done,  in 
this  respect  at  least,  may  be  done  again. 

If  young  men  regard  any  thing  beyond  their 


QUALIFICATIONS — TRUE    FRIEND.       173 

own  gratification,  either  immediate  or  remote, 
you  cannot  be  much  in  their  society  without 
finding  it  out.  But  if,  on  the  contrary,  self, 
and  the  exahation  and  fehcity  of  self,  be,  with 
them,  the  all  in  all  of  life,  this  disposition  too, 
may  not  unfrequently  be  detected. 

Selfishness  will  show  itself,  in  all  the  varied 
forms  of  conversation.-  It  will  ahvays  be  endea- 
voring to  make  itself  the  standard  in  intelligence, 
morals,  politics,  religion,  and  every  thing  that 
comes  up  in  conversation.  It  will  too,  always, 
endeavor  to  be  the  hero  of  the  story  or  the  cir- 
cle. It  will  never  be  so  well  satisfied  with 
others  as  with  itself 

Benevolence,  on  the  contrary,  respects  much 
more  the  opinions  and  feeUngs  of  others.  It  is 
willing  to  be  the  hero  of  the  story,  but  also 
willing,  nay,  sometimes  desirous  that  others 
should  be.  It  does  not  find  other  men  and 
things  perfect ;  but,  however  great  its  dissatis- 
faction with  others,  it  is  much  more  dissatis- 
fied with  itself 

There  is  as  wide  a  difference — almost  so — 

between  the  young  man  who,  through  all  the 

changes  and  chances  of  an  afternoon's   con- 
8* 


I 


174  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUXG   LADIES. 

versation,  seeks  to  make  others  pleased  with 
themselves  and  happy,  and  the  selfish  being 
who  is  seeking  only  his  own  happiness  in  all 
he  says  and  does,  as  there  is  between  the  bright 
inhabitants  of  the  realms  of  bliss,  and  those  of 
the  pit  that  is  bottomless. 

When  you  find  the  former  trait  of  character 
fully  developed,  you  hav6  found  one  indication 
of  a  heart  formed  for  friendship.  Observe, 
however,  that  I  say  one  indication  only,  for 
every  thing  has  its  counterfeits  ;  and  this  qua- 
lity may  be  counterfeited  as  well  as  others. 

A  gentleman  whom  I  well  knew,  was  going 
over  the  Atlantic  to  Liverpool.  On  board 
the  packet  were  two  Englishmen,  of  fine  ap- 
pearance, and  the  most  attractive  kindness. 
Their  external  benevolence  to  all  the  passen- 
gers, whatever  their  age,  sex,  or  color,  won  the 
hearts  of  all,  and  of  my  friend  among  the  rest. 
Judge  then,  if  you  can,  of  his  surprise  when 
he  found  they  were  both  atheists  of  the  rank- 
est sort.  Nor  were  they  at  their  own  homes 
very  much  respected. 

I  recollect  an  acquaintance  which  I  made 
with  a  young  man,  about  thirty  years  ago,  in 


QUALIFICATIONS — TRUE    FRIEND.       175 

Yirginia.  No  one  could  exceed  him  in  the 
kind  external  attentions  he  paid  to  the  wants 
and  woes  of  others.  His  politeness  and  gen- 
tlemanly deportment  so  wrought  upon  the 
heart  of  one  grave  matron,  who  was  not  wholly 
ignorant  of  his  atheistic  principles,  that  she 
gave  him  her  daughter,  (whose  young  heart  he 
had  won  long  before  ;)  though  she  lived  to  re- 
gret it.  He  proved  to  be  a  cold,  calculating, 
miserly  man,  as  far  removed  from  the  benevo- 
lence of  that  gospel  which  the  mother  professed, 
but  whose  leading  principles  she  had  practi- 
cally disregarded,*  as  could  well  be  imagined. 
Beauty,  it  has  been  said,  is  but  skin  deep — 
and  so  of  mere  politeness. 

But  hov/  shall  the  genuine,  in  this  case,  be 
distinguished  from  the  counterfeit  ?  I  answer, 
by  a  long  and  intimate  acquaintance.  I  mean 
particular,  however,  rather  than  intimate  ;  for 
intimacy,  under  the  circumstances,  can  ha.rdly 


*  It  is  no  part  of  Christianity  to  select  as  a  companion 
for  a  daughter,  one  who  possesses^mere  external  qualifications. 
These  are  not  to  be  despised  ;  but  they  are  secondary  to  a 
good  heart. 


176  GIFT   BOOK    FOE   YOUNG    LADIES. 

be  expected.  You  must  see  him  frequently, 
and  in  ever  varying  circumstances.  If  this 
can  be  accompUshed,  you  will  probably  gain 
your  point.  His  selfishness,  if  that  be  a  pre- 
dominating trait,  will  show  itself  somewhere. 

You  may  understand  a  good  deal  about  his 
general  character  and  spirit,  if  you  can  ascer- 
tain how  he  treats  his  own  mother  and  sisters. 
The  young  man  who  is  truly  friendly  at  home 
may,  by  possibihty,  be  friendly  elsewhere ;  but 
he  who  never  said  or  did  a  kind  thing  to  those 
who  have  done  so  much  for  him,  is  quite  un- 
worthy of  your  confidence  or  your  love.  But 
I  have  spoken  of  all  this  in  another  letter. 

It  is  not  impossible,  I  grant,  that  he  may  be 
reformed.  The  old  maxim — "  a  reformed  rake 
makes  the  best  husband,"  might  be  very  well, 
but  for  one  difficulty,  which  is  that  a  rake  is 
not  very  susceptible  of  being  reformed.  But  I 
should  have  almost  as  strong  a  hope  of  your 
being  able  to  reform  a  rake,  as  a  cold,  calcu- 
lating, selfish  man ;  or  one  even  who  was  not 
trained  to  benevolence. 

And  this  reminds  me  of  certain  things  which 
I  have  seen  during  the  last  fifty  years,  in  the 


aUALIFICATIONS TRUE    FRIEND.       177 

world  of  family  education,  against  the  influ- 
ence of  which  you  must  watch  with  the  ut- 
most solicitude.  The  young  of  the  already 
risen  generation,  and  still  more  those  of  the 
rising  one,  have  been  trained  to  be  helped,  ra- 
ther than  to  help  themselves  or  others. 

The  Gospel  principle  requires  us  to  help 
others  rather  than  ourselves  ;  or  rather  to  help 
ourselves  in  helping  others.  The  young  man 
and  young  woman  should  be  early  thrown 
upon  their  own  resom'ces ;  or  in  other  words, 
required  to  help  themselves  all  they  can,  and 
only  to  call  on  others  for  help  when  they  have 
already  done  all  they  can  for  themselves.  They 
should,  in  one  word,  be  among  the  world  of 
mankind,  as  our  great  Master  was  ;  as  those 
that  serve. 

We  laugh,  as  well  we  may,  at  the  folly  of 
our  southern  brethren,  in  training  their  fami- 
lies to  be  waited  on,  rather  than  to  wait  on 
others.  And  yet  how  much  better  are  the 
effects  of  white  slavery,  in  this  respect,  than 
black  ?  And  for  once  that  we  laugh  at  others' 
folly  in  this  respect,  we  ought  to  laugh  twice, 
at  l^ast,  at  oui  own. 


178  GIFT   BOOK   FOR  YOUNG   LADIES. 

Our  fathers  and  mothers  of  former  genera- 
tions had  large  famihes  of  eight,  ten,  twelve, 
or  fifteen  children,  and  their  necessities  com- 
pelled them  to  constant  physical  labor.  The 
result  was,  that  the  children  were  compelled 
to  take  care  of  themselves,  and  either  to  sup- 
ply many  of  their  wants  by  their  own  ex- 
ertions, or  else  have  them  unsupplied.  Wliereas 
now,  with  smaller  families  and  less  occasion 
to  employ  every  moment  of  time  in  procuring 
for  them  the  necessaries  of  life,  we  not  only 
furnish  them  with  many  luxuries,  but  also 
wait  on  them,  and  supply  their  every  want  by 
our  own  exertions. 

The  consequences  are  that  the  present  gene- 
ration, relieved  by  over-kind  parents,  from  the 
necessity  of  helping  themselves,  or  the  family 
in  which  they  reside,  grow  up  Avith  less  energy 
of  body  or  mind,  and  v/ith  vastly  less  of  com- 
mon benevolence  than  the  generations  past ;  as 
well  as  a  vast  increase  of  selfishness. 

I  have  seen  mothers  of  the  present  genera- 
tion, Avho  not  only  perform  all  the  house-work 
of  their  own  families,  and  take  care  of  from  six 


GLUALIFICATIONS — TRUE    FRIEND.       179 

to  ten,  or  twelve  children,  but  also  do  a 
thousand  things  —  such  are  their  habits  of 
industry — ^which  the  young  ought  to  perform 
for  themselves.  I  have,  in  like  manner,  seen 
fathers  who  not  only  do  every  thing  for  them- 
selves, but  also  a  great  many  unnecessary 
things  for  the  young.  And  as  the  final  result, 
their  children  having  never  learned  to  take 
care  of  themselves,  much  less  to  help  others, 
are  never  good  for  any  thing.  And  mil  ess  I 
greatly  misapprehend  the  state  of  society,  mat- 
ters are,  in  this  respect,  daily  growing  worse 
and  worse. 

Great  care  will  therefore  be  necessary,  in 
selecting  a  friend,  lest  he  should  prove  to  be 
one  of  those  very  unfortunate  young  men, 
whose  infatuated  parents  were  in  the  habit  of 
doing  every  thing  for  him,  and  under  the  idea 
of  doing  him  a  kindness,  have  done  him  a 
great  and  lasting  injury.  His  habitual  selfish- 
ness would  be  to  you  a  som'ce  of  almost  infi- 
nite vexation  and  trouble. 

Do  not  count  with  much  confidence  on  your 
power  to  refonn  him.    It  is  certamly  possible, 


180  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   TOTJNQ-   LADIES. 

as  I  have  before  said,  that  he  is  within  the 
Dounds  of  reformation,  but  it  is  only  possible. 
Selfishness,  when  made  a  part  of  us,  as  it  were 
— bone  of  our  bone  and  flesh  of  our  flesh — is 
not  so  easily  removed  as  you  may  imagine. 
I  should  nearly  as  soon  hope  to  make  a  valu- 
able friend  of  a  person  already  dead  and  buried, 
as  of  one  who  has  had  every  thing  done  for 
him,  instead  of  being  thrown  upon  his  o^Vn 
resources. 

Observe,  however,  I  say  again,  that  in  a 
world  like  this,  you  must  not  to  expect  or  hope 
for  absolute  and  unqualified  perfection ;  nor 
even  for  a  very  high  degree  of  it.  Enough, 
perhaps,  if,  in  your  search,  you  find  what  I  call 
a  capacity  for  friendship.  Enough,  perhaps, 
if  you  find  the  germs  of  what  you  desire. 
But  these  germs  there  must  be ;  they  are  in- 
dispensable. 

Whenever  you  find  a  young  man  possessed  of 
but  the  faintest  degree  of  general  benevolence — 
a  desire  to  live  for  others,  and  to  make  others 
happy  in  all  the  circumstances  of  his  life — 
who  in  all  his  every-day  concerns  is  among 


aUALIFICATIONS — TRUE    FRIEND.       181 

men  as  "  he  that  doth  serve,"  and  not  as  h^ 
that  is  to  he  served;  and  who  remembers 
that 

"  Love,  and  love  only,  is  the  loan  for  love," 

and  that  he  only  is  fit  for  the  high  office  of 
friend,  adviser,  and  companion  of  the  female 
sex,  wlio  is  ever  ready  to  show  himself  friendly, 
remember  you  have  found  a  gem.  It  may, 
perhaps,  need  a  good  deal  of  polishing  ;  it  may 
even  be  better  adapted  to  the  society  of  others 
than  of  yourself ;  still  it  is  a  gem,  more  price- 
less than  those  of  Peru  or  Golconda. 

Not  that  the  true  spirit  of  Gospel  benevolence 
is  all  you  should  desire  in  a  companion  and 
friend  for  life,  though  I  cannot  help  thinking 
it  would  include  every  thing.  Would  not  a 
character  like  that  of  our  Saviour,  include 
every  qualification  of  true  and  lasting  friend- 
ship ?  And  are  there  not  those  among  us  who 
are  his  disciples  ?  If  so,  they  have  at.  least 
the  germs  of  what  is  necessary — when  more 
liighly  cultivated — to  be  true  and  lasting  ; — I 
should  perhaps  say  everlasting  friendship. 


182  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

But  I  have  exhausted,  and  more  than  ex- 
hausted the  space  I  had  assigned  myself  for 
prehminaries ;  and  yet  seem  hardly  to  have 
begun  to  present  my  thoughts  on  this  topic. 
In  my  next,  I  will  endeavor  to  descend  a  little 
more  into  particulars. 


CHAPTEE  XIX. 

OTHER    QUALIFICATIONS. 

Under  the  general  head  of  Benevolence,  as  I 
have  said  more  than  once  already,  we  might 
include  almost  every  other  qualification  for 
friendship,  whether  large  or  small.  The  in- 
dulgence of  a  single  bad  habit,  without  remorse 
or  regret — I  mean  when  it  is  known  as  such — 
conflicts  most  certainly  with  the  laws  of  true 
benevolence.  And  yet  it  may  not  be  amiss  to 
speak  of  some  of  these  habits  separately,  as 
either  disqualifying  us  for  conjugal  friendship, 
or  furnishing  evidence  of  other  disqualifications. 
Thus,  no  young  man  that  is  duly  enlight- 
ened by  the  Gospel  of  Christ,  and  by  the  pub- 
lic sentiment,  so  as  to  see  that  the  use  of 
tobacco  is  not  only  offensive  to  a  large  portion 
of   female    society,  but  absolutely   incompat- 


184  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   TOTING-   LADIES. 

ible  with  the  golden  rule,  which  requires  us 
to  do  to  others  as  we  would  wish  them  in  simi- 
lar circumstances  to  do  to  us,  and  yet  persists 
in  his  foolish,  not  to  say  wicked  habit,  is  fit  for 
the  friendship  or  even  for  the  intimate  society 
of  a  young  woman. 

Now  you  can  certainly  detect  this  habit  in 
a  young  man.  He  cannot  conceal  it,  if  he 
Avould ;  at  least  without  a  degree  of  hypocrisy 
which  would  be,  of  itself,  another  disqualifica- 
tion for  your  friendship.  I  mean  by  this  that 
you  can  certainly  detect  the  habit,  if  you  are 
as  much  in  his  society  as  the  nature  of  the  case 
requires.  If  his  teeth,  and  breath,  and  perspi- 
ration do  not  reveal  the  secret,  his  clothes  will. 
They  retain  the  odor  of  this  virulent  narcotic 
with  a  most  wonderful  tenacity,  and  for  a  long 
time.  But  I  hardly  need  say  this  to  a  young 
woman  of  New  England. 

The  use  of  alcohol,  in  such  moderate  quan- 
tities as  are  retained  in  small  beer,  and  weak 
v/ines  and  cider,  it  may  not  be  quite  so  easy 
to  detect  in  the  habits  of  a  young  man.  And 
yet  there  are  methods,  of  which  you  may  law- 
fully avail  yourself,  which  enable  you  to  g-uess. 


OTHER    Q-UALIFICATIONS.  185 

Nor  need  you  be  very  scrupulous  about  insti- 
tuting an  inquiry  on  the  subject,  when  there  is 
strong  circumstantial  or  hearsay  evidence  in 
the  case.  He  who  is  likely  to  be  offended  by 
such  a  course,  is  as  unworthy  of  your  hand  as 
he  is  unfit  for  your  friendship. 

Slovenly  habits  in  regard  to  person  and 
dress,  the  keen  eyes  of  young  women  will  most 
certainly  discover.  I  hardly  need  to  dwell  on 
this  point,  prone  as  you  are  to  give  this  matter 
quite  as  much  prominence  as  the  nature  of  the 
case  requires.  Excuse  me  ;  I  do  not  mean  to 
charge  you  or  your  sex  with  an  unnecessary 
fastidiousness  on  this  subject;  for  I  hardly 
ki-iow  whether  the  charge  could  be  sustained. 
All  I  mean  to  say,  is,  that  it  is  a  thing  to  which 
the  natural  characteristics  of  your  sex  will  in- 
sure sufficient  attention. 

And  yet  it  may  not  be  amiss  to  caution  you 
against  deception  in  one  particular.  Certain 
young  men  who  make,  or  would  be  glad  to 
make  high  pretensions  to  literature,  having 
imbibed  an  idea  which  has  been  current  time 
immemorial,  that  great  minds  are  often  greatly 
negligent  on  the  subject  of  dress  ;  and  having 


186  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

found  out  yolir  prevailing  taste,  will  hope  to  in- 
gratiate themselves  into  your  esteem  by  mere 
slovenliness.  Perhaps  the  caution  is  unneces- 
sary to  you ;  though  to  some  of  your  sex  it 
might  be  highly  pertinent  and  useful. 

Selfishness  is  nowhere  more  despicable 
than  when,  in  order  to  deceive,  it  puts  on  the 
garb  of  benevolence.  Here,  most  surely,  the 
"livery  of  heaven"  is  stolen  for  the  basest  of 
purposes.  But  tliis  abominable  theft  is  some- 
times practised.  There  is  a  class  of  men  who 
add  to  their  claims  to  literature  in  general,  that 
of  philanthropy ;  and  strive  to  convince  you 
that  their  love  for  you  and  the  rest  of  what 
they  regard  as  the  ignorant  herd,  is  propor- 
tioned to  their  disregard  of  all  conventional 
rules,  especially  those  which  pertain  to  personal 
appearance  and  dress. 

In  my  Young  Man's  Guide,  I  have  spoken 
with  some  freedom  of  slipshod  women — not 
that  I  cared  so  much  about  the  thing,  in  itself 
considered,  as  about  the  character  which  usu- 
ally accompanies  it.  Novv^,  a  slipshod  charac- 
ter in  man  or  woman,  still  seems  to  me  con- 


OTHER    dUALIFICATIONS.  187 

temptible  ;  and  it  is  but  fair  that  I  should  say- 
so,  even  though  it  should  convey  no  new  idea 
to  your  own  mind.  It  may  do  others  good, 
through  your  influence. 

Straws,  we  are  told,  show  which  way  the 
wind  blows.  Or  in  other  words,  little  things 
aflbrd  an  index  to  the  character.  A  young 
man  who  wears  his  shoes  negligently,  will  be 
so  much  the  more  apt  to  be  negligent  about 
business,  other  things  being  equal.  I  say  other 
things  being  equal — ^because  such  a  remark  is 
indispensable.  This,  other  things  being  equal^ 
includes  more  than  most  people  are  aware. 

I  will  even  go  a  step  further,  and  say  that  a 
young  man  who  manages  not  only  his  dress, 
but  his  ordinary  business  in  a  slipshod  way, 
will  be  apt  to  manage  the  matter  of  friendship 
in  a  slipshod  manner.  Beware,  therefore,  in 
your  selection,  of  one  who  may  be  slipshod  for 
life! 

Cowper,  in  his  Task,  has  much  to  say  of 
the  habit  of  exercising  cruelty ;  and  takes  for 
granted  that  it  begins  in  cruelty  to  small  ani- 
mals.   He  says : 


188  GIFT   BOOK   rOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

"  I  would  not  enter  on  my  list  of  friends. 
Though  grac'd  with  polished  manners  and  fine  sense, 
Yet  wanting  sensibility,  the  man, 
Who  needlessly  sets  foot  upon  a  worm." 

Neither  would  I.  Nor  would  I  advise  you  to 
do  so.  Better  have  no  friends,  I  had  almost 
said,  but  God,  that  to  have  either  part  or  lot 
with  cruelty.  A  cruel  young  man  will  never 
make  a  delicate  friend  or  a  good  husband. 

Avoid  a  friend  who  frets  much.  He  may 
not  fret  at  you,  it  is  true ;  and  yet  you  can 
have  no  guarantee  against  such  a  result.  Such 
things  have  been,  and  therefore  may  happen 
again. 

But  when  I  say  this,  I  ought  to  explain  my 
meaning.  There  are  two  kinds  of  fretters. 
The  first  may  be  compared  to  Etna  or  Vesu- 
vius. He  has  an  outburst  occasionally;  but 
when  that  is  over,  he  may,  for  a  time,  be  a 
pleasant  companion,  and  even  a  valuable  bo- 
som friend.  The  other  has  no  outbursts,  but 
is  always  fretful ;  or  at  least  he  is  never  happy. 
He  is  always  worrying,  unless  he  sleeps  ;  and 
sometimes  even  then. 

This  last  is  a  very  common  cliaracteristic 


OTHER    aUALIFICATIONS.  189 

of  tile  people  commonly  called  Yankees.  Along 
with  their  many  excellencies,  they  are  greatly 
given  to  this  species  of  fretfulness.  It  is  too 
hot  or  too  cold  ;  too  rainy  or  too  dry ;  too  clear 
or  too  cloudy — or  what  is  about  the  same  thing, 
it  is  likely  to  be  so.  Time,  with  them  goes  too 
fast  or  too  slow  j  they  have  too  much  business 
or  too  little ;  or  though  at  present  in  circum- 
stances of  health  and  comfort,  they  are  dismally 
apprehensive  of  poverty,  disease,  or  death.  They 
are  never  happy ;  and  they  contrive  to  have  no 
one  around  them  happy. 

Such  a  character,  I  would  no  more  enter  on 
my  list  of  friends  than  Cowper's  cruel  man. 
Whatever  may  be  your  prepossessions  in  his 
favor,  or  your  hopes  of  restoring  him  to  earth 
and  heaven,  you  will  find  him  absolutely,  and 
I  fear  endlessly,  irreclaimable.  Be  exhorted 
then,  I  again  say,  to  avoid  him,  as  you  would 
the  plague  or  the  cholera. 

You  should  also  be  on  your  guard  agains . 
choosing  for  your  friend  one  who  does  not  love 
home.  I  grant,  indeed,  that  much  which  is 
called  love  of  home  is  merely  instinctive.  Stil> 
it  is  not  to  be  despised.     But  there  is  a  love  of 


190"  GIFT   BOOK    FOK   YOrZ^G    LADIES-. 

home  which  rises  higher  than  all  this.  It  w 
the  love  of  home  for  the  sake  of  the  society — 
the  intellectual  and  moral  society — it  affords  * 
and  the  opportunities  it  affords  of  improving 
and  elevating  character. 

I  have  seen  young  men  who  only  -valued 
home  for  the  sake  of  its  opportunities  for  self- 
indulgence  and  self-gratification.  I  refer  not 
solely  to  indulgencies  which  would  he  deemed 
criminal ;  but  rather  to  another  kind,  little  less 
selfish,  yet  at  the  same  time,  nearly  as  much 
at  war  with  connubial  and  conjugal  hap- 
piness. * 

Some  young  men,  for  example,  whose  soci- 
ety might  charm  you,  and  who  might  prefer 
your  society  and  your  friendship  till  it  ceased 
to  possess  the  charm  of  novelty,  will  never- 
theless, after  the  first  moon  or  year,  find  the 
conversation  of  some  beer-house  or  bar-room 
club  more  congenial  to  their  feelings,  and  that 
ever  raging  desire,  which  prompts  the  inquiry: 
Who  will  show  us  any  good  ?  Or,  as  in  Athens 
of  old,  they  will  give  up  the  milder,  steadier 
excitements  of  home,  to  tell  or  hear  at  the  club, 
or  the  corner,  some  new  thing. 


OTHER    aUALIFlCATIONS.  101 

Surely  I  need  not  caution  you  to  avoid  a 
mimic,  or  drolf,  or  buifoon.  And  yet  I  have 
known  young  women,  with  more  than  two- 
thhds  as  large  a  share  of  good  sense  as  your 
own,  most  strangely  deluded  by  such  imps  in 
the  shape  of  men.  I  call  them  imps,  for  the 
want  of  a  better  name  by  which  to  express 
the  contempt  I  feel  for  such  detestable  charac- 
ters. They  please,  for  a  time,  if  they  do  not 
even  dazzle  by  their  brilliancy ;  but  they  are 
soon — too  soon,  alas,  in  most  Instances — fomid 
to  be  hollow-headed. 

Mirth  is  well;  but  we  should  not  be  all 
mirth.  Joking  and  punning  may  be  well 
enough  occasionally,  but  they  soon  pall. 
Laughing  is  better — though  even  this  may  be 
carried  to  an  extreme.  For  to  be  all  noise,  and 
mirth,  and  fun,  I  say  again,  is  to  degrade  our- 
selves. It  lets  us  down  too  far  for  the  sober 
realities  of  this  life,  and  unfits  us  for  the  more 
solemn  realities  of  the  life  which  is  to  come. 

On  one  point  I  hope  I  shall  not  be  misun- 
derstood. Laugh  and  grow  fat,  is  an  old 
maxim  ;  but  like  a  part  of  the  category  of  an- 
cient maxims,  has  meaning  in  it.     Laughing, 


192  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

to  a  certain  extent,  is  healthy.  It  is  favorable 
to  our  own  health,  and  also  to  tliat  of  others. 
It  would  be  particularly  so  to  you,  with  your 
temperament.  Since,  however,  you  find  it  so 
difficult  to  laugh,  yourself,  it  is  of  very  great 
importance  that  your  friends  should  laugh, 
especially  your  principal  friend — the  individual 
with  whom,  of  all  others,  you  are  most  inti- 
mate. 

Seek  a  friend  who  possesses,  among  other 
traits  of  excellence,  an  abundance  of  good 
sound  common  sense.  Our  young  men  of 
these  days  have  almost  every  kind  of  sense, 
but  common  sense. — This  is  a  rare  article. 
Wit,  learning,  a  good  temper,  and  many  more 
qualities,  of  which  I  have  not  yet  spoken,  are 
valuable  ;  but  when  bereft  of  good,  sound' 
sense,  they  lose  half  their  lustre. 

Do  not  choose  for  your  friend,  one  who  is 
governed  solely  by  his  feelings.  Feeling  is 
blind— there  must  be  a  helmsman  to  direct.  He 
who  does  not  ask  his  judgment  much  oftener 
than  bhnd  feeling,  what  he  shall  do,  has  not  yet 
learned  all  he  might  learn,  nor  qualified  him- 
self in  the  highest  degree  for  usefulness.     Or, 


OTHER.    GIUALIFICATIONS.  193 

if  usefu.  and  happy  now,  he  would  be  much 
more  so,  and  much  more  valuable  in  the  bonds 
of  friendship,  by  making  his  head  the  helms- 
man. 

There  are  thousands  of  young  men,  for  ex- 
ample— and  I  fear  almost  as  many  young  wo- 
men as  young  men — who  never  ask  their  heads 
what  they  shall  put  in  their  stomachs.  They 
go  by  custom,  tradition,  or  habit — or  by  blind 
impulse  or  feeling.  Worse,  even,  than  all  this ; 
when  they  are  told,  by  the  head,  what  is  wrong 
for  them,  they  utterly  disregard  the  warnmg 
voice. 

Suppose  they  are  sitting  at  a  public  table, 
and  somebody  oifers  them  a  doubtful  dish, 
the  head — the  judgment — rejects  it  at  once  ; 
and  the  reply  is,  "  No ;  it  does  not  agree 
Avith  me."  But  others  are  using  it ;  the  sight 
and  smell  are  so  many  tempters  to  transgress 
their  own  rules — the  stomach  is  clamorous — 
and  they  yield  to  its  demands,  in  spite  of  their 
first  best,  and  most  sober  judgment. 

Now  the  individual,  man  or  woman,  who 
cannot  gain  the  victory  over  blind  impulse  or 
feeling,  on  such  occasions  as  this,  is  but  poorly 


194  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOrxa    LADIES. 

prepared  for  the  duties  of  friendship.  He  that 
cannot  deny  his  own  appetite,  will  hardly  be 
willing  to  risk  the  danger  of  exposing  your 
faults.  However  much  he  loves  you,  he  will 
hardly  be  willing  to  hazard  any  thing  to  make 
you  better. 

It  is  not  self-denial,  for  the  sake  of  self-de- 
nial, that  makes  a  person  valuable  in  friend- 
ship, so  much  as  for  the  sake  of  the  other  ex- 
cellent traits  which  usually  accompany  it.  A 
self-denying  man  is  a  man  of  energy,  in  all  the 
circumstances  in  which  he  is  placed.  And  no- 
where is  energy  more  necessary  than  in  conju- 
gal companionship  and  friendship.  I  could 
pity  3^ou  in  a  thousand  and  one  of  the  condi- 
tions to  which  conjugal  life  is  liable ;  but  I 
know  not  whether  there  are  many  in  which  I 
should  pity  you  more,  than  in  being  bound  to 
a  man  of  slipshod  character  and  habits. 

When  I  began  this  letter,  it  was  my  inten- 
tion to  finish  a  topic  which  may,  perhaps,  ere 
now,  have  become  tiresome.  But  I  have  not 
yet  done.  You  will  hear  from  me,  at  least 
once  morCj  on  the  same  subject. 


OHAPTER  XX. 

PHYSICAL     QUALIFICATIONS. 

The  body  and  mind,  are  so  visibly  and  inti- 
mately connected,  that  it  is  almost  in  vain 
to  look  for  high  mental  and  moral  qualifica- 
tions of  any  sort  in  a  feeble,  miserable,  and 
crazy  framework.  Some  of  the  phrenologists 
have  carried  this  matter  so  far  as  to  tell  us, 
that  as  is  the  body,  so  is  the  mind  and  spirit; 
and  that  in  all  our  attempts  at  improvement, 
either  moral  or  intellejctual,  not  an  iota  of 
progress  can  be  made  any  farther  or  faster, 
than  we  can  improve  the  physical  or  material 
fabric. 

But  while  I  do  not  feel  disposed  to  affirm 
quite  so  much  as  the  phrenologists,  I  am  fully 
prepared  to  take  very  high  ground  in  this  par- 
licular;  and  to  assert,  that   all  endeavors  at 


196  GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

mental  and  moral  progress,  must  be  liable  to  a 
good  deal  of  abatement,  while  the  body  is  so 
sadly  forgotten  or  neglected  as  it  usually  is. 

The  old  notioUj  that  ill  health  and  sickness 
are  favorable  to  moral  growth  and  elevation, 
was  a  much  more  fatal  error  tha,n  that  of  the 
phrenologists.  For  though  God  has  most  un- 
doubtedly contrived  to  educe  good-  from  evil, 
and  in  certain  cases,  to  make  human  suffering 
a  means  of  human  advancement,  it  is  only  as 
an  exception  to  his  general  rule.  To  affirm 
otherwise,  is,  practically,  to  impeach  the  wis- 
dom of  tlie  Divine  arrangement.  But  I  have 
spoken  of  this  before. 

Other  things,  then,  being  equal,  a  healthy 
friend  is  far  preferable  to  one  who  is  sickly. 
He  is  more  cheerful — and  cheerfulness,  as  it 
stands  opposed  to  discontent,  aud  fretfulness, 
and  moping  melancholy,  is  a  pearl  of  great 
price.  His  features  are  more  prepossessing, 
not  to  say  handsomer.  For  unsanctified  sick- 
ness of  every  grade,  like  indulgence  of  the 
depressing  passions,  often  knits  the  brow  in 
frowns,  and  depresses  the  angles  of  the  mouth, 
and  converts  externally  an  angel  to  a  demon. 


PHYSICAL    Q.UALIFICATIONS.  197 

It  is  peculiarly  so  with  your  sex — it  is  too  fre- 
quently so  with  ours. 

I  exhort  you,  then,  to  avoid  in  the  selection 
of  a  friend,  one  who  is  sickly.  Nevertheless, 
if  your  lot  should  be  cast^  in  spite  of  your  best 
judgment  and  most  strenuous  efforts  to  pre- 
vent itj  with  one  who  is  a  sufferer  from  ill 
health,  you  must  summon  to  your  aid  at  once 
all  your  philosophy,  as  well  as  all  your  Chris- 
tianity. You  must  recollect,  at  least,  the  old 
vulgar  couplet : 

"  What  can't  be  cured. 
Must  be  endured  ;" 

and  not  only  recollect  it,  but  make  the  most 
of  it. 

You  will  say :  "But  would  you  make  much 
of  mere  beauty  of  form  and  feature  ?"  My 
reply  is,  I  would  not  have  it  overlooked.  Man- 
kind" are  prone  to  extremes,  in  this  particular, 
as  well  as  many  others.  Because  too  much 
has  been  made  of  beauty,  therefore,  they  re- 
solve to  make  nothing  at  all  of  it,  but  practi- 
cally to  despise  it. 

And  so  it  has  been  with  several  other  things 
9* 


198  GIFT  BOOK  FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

as  well  as  beauty.  Because  some  have  sought, 
in  matrimony,  for  rank  or  fortune,  it  has  been 
hastily  concluded  by  many,  in  theory  at  least, 
that  rank  and  fortune  are  to  be  despised. 

Let  me  sa}^,  then,  that  while  I  might  not  go 
quite  so  far  as  to  exalt  beauty  to  a  virtue,  yet 
it  is  not  to  be  despised,  where  every  thing  else 
is  in  harmony  therewith.  The  pure  in  heart, 
— and  such  I  humbly  trust  will  be  the  charac- 
ter of  the  great  mass  of  mankind,  some  tens  of 
thousands  of  years  hence — should  be  as  beau- 
tiful as  pure. 

And  when  cheerfulness  of  temper,  and  the 
sunshine  of  constant  smiles,  are  the  natural 
result  of  fine  health,  high  mental  cultivation, 
and  a  large  share  of  moral  excellence,  and  all 
other  qualifications  for  friendship  are  such  as 
you  desire,  it  may  be  well  for  you  to  recollect 
the  consequences  to  those  around  you,  and  to 
coming  generations. 

Young  women  are  always  reluctant  to  take 
this  view  of  the  subject.  But  wherefore  ?  Is 
it  not  useful  ?  You  would  certainly  do  what 
is  right  in  this,  as  well  as  in  every  thing  else. 
But  the  great  and  paramount  obligation  to  live 


PHYSICAL    QUALIFICATIONS.  19^ 

for  Others  and  for  God,  as  well  as  for  yourself, 
should  not  permit  you  to  shuffle  it  off.  It  must 
be  fairly  looked  at  in  the  light  of  eternity,  no 
less  than  that  of  physiology,  or  mere  friendship. 

There  should  not  be  too  great  a  disparity  in 
regard  to  age.  Dr.  Johnson,  a  British  author, 
recommends  the  'difference  of  nearly  one  whole 
septenniad.  He  regards  the  age  of  twenty- 
eight  in  our  sex,  and  twenty-one  or  twenty- 
two  in  your  own,  as  on  the  whole  to  be  pre- 
ferred. I  think  that  seven  years  of  difference 
are  quite  as  many  as  are  allowable  by  the  laws 
of  physiology.  Two  or  three  are  sometimes 
sufficient.  What  is  wanted,  in  this  respect,  is 
just  difference  enough  to  secure  a  correspond- 
ence of  taste,  sentiment,  &c.,  in  those  particu- 
lars, in  regard  to  which  age  is  ever  chang- 
ing us. 

As  to  the  question  of  early  or  late  marriage, 
in  the  abstract,  I  have  little  to  say,  though 
much  might  be  said.  I  will  just  quote  from 
the  same  English  author,  to  whose  views  I 
have  already  directed  your  attention  by  the 
preceding  paragraph ;  and  add  a  single  com- 
ment.    He  says : 


200  GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOrXG    LADIES. 

"  Tn  respect  to  early  marriage,  as  far  as  it 
concerns  the  softer  sex,  I  have  to  observe  t?iat 
for  every  year-  at  which  the  hymeneal  knot  is 
tied  before  the  age  of  twenty-one,  there  will  be 
on  an  average,  three  years  of  premature  decay 
of  the  corporeal  fabric,  and  a  considerable  ab- 
breviation of  the  usual  range  of  human  exist- 
ence." 

Thus,  a  young  woman,  according  to  Dr.  J., 
who  marries  at  fifteen — six  years  too  early — 
loses  her  beauty,  and  becomes  prematurely  old 
eighteen  years  earlier  for  it ;  besides  consider- 
ably shortening  her  life.  And  the  same  is  true, 
in  proportion,  for  every  year  at  which  marriage 
takes  place  under  twenty-one.  Should  not 
this  view,  though  somewhat  modified  in  its 
application  to  a  new  country,  like  the  United 
States,  have  weight  with  all  those  who  value 
life  and  happiness  ? 

One  thing  I  had  almost  forgotten.  In  selecting 
a  companion  and  friend  for  the  journey  of  life, 
it  will  be  highly  desirable  to  look  carefully  for 
all  those  excellencies  and  good  habits,  of  which 
you  are  conscious  of  a  deficiency  in  yourself. 
This  will  be  the  most  certain  means  you  could 


"physical  clualifications.  201 

possibly  secure  for  your  own  progress  in  all 
that  is  great,  good,  and  godlike  ;  and  hence, 
one  of  the  greatest  blessings  which  friendship 
can  possibly  bestow. 

It  may  indeed  happen,  that  you  do  not  well 
understand  what  your  own  defects  of  character 
are.  But  so  far  as  you  do  understand  yourself, 
and  indeed  so  far  as  light  from  any  other  source 
can  come  to  your  aid,  in  season  or  out  of  sea- 
son, do  not  fail  to  make  use  of  it,  in  the  parti- 
cular direction  to  which  I  now  refer.  A  course 
of  conduct  this,  which  you  will  never  regret 
while  your  life  lasts — or  while  the  existence 
of  those  who  are  dependent  on  you  continues. 

Need  I  dwell  on  this  subject  ?  Need  I,  in 
writing  to  a  young  woman  of  discretionary 
years,  like  yourself,  go  into  particulars  ?  And 
yet  if  it  should  not  instruct,  it  may  amuse  you. 
Amusement,  you  know,  is  sometimes  as  neces- 
sary as  any  thing  else. 

Thus,  suppose  you  were  given,  much  more 
than  you  are,  to  habitual  melancholy.  The 
greater  this  tendency,  then,  the  greater  the 
necessity  that  he  whom  you  select  as  your  con- 
stant companion,  should  be   of  the   opposite 


202  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOr^q-Q   LADIES. 


character  and  tendency.  I  have  spoken  of  the 
general  benefits  of  habitual  cheerfulness  al- 
ready— here,  then,  are  some  of  its  more  parti- 
cular benefits. 

Suppose  you  are  given  to  speculation-^to 
dealing  in  mere  abstractions.  The^ world  you 
occupy  is  an  ideal  world.  High  up  in  the  air, 
your  feet  have  no  terra  firma^  any  more  than 
Noah's  dove  had.  '  Now  it  is  of  immense  im- 
portance, in  suxh  a  case,  that  you  have  the 
constant  society  and  counsels  of  one  who  lives 
in  this  world,  much  more  than  in  Utopia. 

You  may  want  experience  in  the  great  school 
of  human  nature.  You  may  have  studied  men 
and  things  as  they  should  be,  rather  than  as 
they  are.  Frequent  disappointments,  more- 
over, may  have  forced  upon  your  own  mind 
the  melancholy  conclusion  that  you  are  so. 
How  necessary,  then,  in  your  friend,  the  coun- 
terbalancing qualification  of  a  thorough  ac- 
quaintance with  man  as  he  is — with  all  his 
perversity  and  depravity. 

Perhaps  you  are  deficient  in  what  the  phre- 
nologists call  hope.  I  know  indeed  you  are  so. 
It  is  not  so  much  a  want  of  confidence,  or  e\^eii 


PHYSICAL    Q.UALIFICATIONS.  203 

of  hope  in  God,  or  in  the  ultimate  triumphs  of 
truth  and  hohness,  as  a  kind  of  skepticism 
which  pertains  to  truth  and  right  here.  You 
have  hopes  of  a  heaven  beyond  the  skies ;  while 
you  have  neither  hope  nor  expectation  of  much 
improvement  in  the  condition  of  this  world, 
either  as  regards  the  interests  of  mind  or 
body. 

Seek,  then,  the  society  of  one  who  will  not 
only  "  hope  on,  and  hope  ever,"  but  will  en- 
courage you  to  do  the  same — one  who  not  only 
has  hope  in  a  heaven  above,  but  in  one  here 
below — one  who  believes,  that  eye  hath  not 
seen,  ear  heard,  or  heart  conceived  of  the  things 
which  God  hath  reserved,  even  for  this  world, 
saying  nothing  of  the  superior  glories  of  the 
world  above.  Such  a  friend  would  double  and 
treble  the  joys  of  your  existence. 


CHAPTEE  XXI. 


SEVEN    RULES. 


On  the  subjects  of  Friendship  and  Marriage, 
as  means  of  enabling  you  to  fulfil  your  mis- 
sion, I  have  dwelt  so  long,  that  I  must  now 
draw  to  a  close.  A  few  general  rules  for  youi 
conduct,  are  all  that  I  will  add.  They  will 
relate  chiefly  to  traits  of  character,  in  which 
friends  in  conjugal  life  should  agree. 

1.  In  regard  to  the  importance  and  value 
of  home,  as  a  means  of  mutual  improvement 
and  elevation — it  is  superior  in  this  particular 
to  every  other  .school  which  life  aflbrds. 
Some  indeed,  among  us,  believe  that  we  are 
not  only  benefited  most — the  great  mass  of  us, 
when  we  are  striving  and  laboring  to  benefit 
others ;  but  the  greater  our  sphere  of  activity, 


SEVEN    RULES.  205 

- — the  greater  the  number  for  whom  we  labor, 
pray,  &c. — the  greater,  other  things  being 
equal,  is  our  progress.  Others,  however,  be- 
lieve that  the  more  we  concentrate  our  influ- 
ence— the  fewer  the  persons  for  whom  we  la- 
bor— the  greater  the  aggregate  of  good  done 
both  to  them  and  to  ourselves.  By  extending 
our  influence,  they  suppose  we  not  only  dilute, 
but  weaken  it. 

Now,  although  it  is  not  for  me  to  settle  so 
great  a  question,  beyond  the  possibility  of  any 
farther  debate,  yet  I  am  constrained  to  say, 
that  of  late  years  I  have  strongly  inclined  to 
the  latter  opinion.  Hence  it  is,  that  I  attach 
so  much  importance  to  the  home  school,  and 
to  home  influences.  But  the  rule  I  wish  to  lay 
down  on  this  subject,  is,  that  whatever  may  be 
the  differing  views  of  individuals  in  conjugal 
life,  on  this  point  there  must  be  practical  con- 
cession. You  must  not  even  do  what  in  other 
circumstances  is  highly  meritorious,  that  is, 
<-'- agree  to  differ  f^  for  you  must  absolutely 
agree. 

Not  indeed  that  you  must  act  the  part  of  the 
hypocrite,  either  of  you,  by  seeming  to  beheve 


206  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

what  you  do  not  and  cannot.  All  I  mean,  is, 
that  you  must  agree  to  act  in  the  same  gene- 
ral direction.  I  will  also  add,  that  if  you  agree 
to  place  the  same  value  on  the  family  that  I 
do,  you  Avill  be  great  gainers  by  it  in  the  end.* 

2.  There  must  be  entire  agreement  in  regard 
to  the  necessity  of  having  some  general  plan, 
both  for  your  own  conduct  and  the  general 
regulation  of  your  family.  If  one  believes  in 
a  plan  and  the  other  does  not,  and  no  conces- 
sion is  made,  either  temporarily  or  permanent- 
ly, is  there  not  danger  of  perpetual  collision  ? 

This  seems  to  me  a  matter  of  immense  im- 
portance. You,  for  example,  if  I  understand 
your  views  correctly,  desire  to  live  by  rule  or 
system ;  Avhile  others  think  a  systematic  life, 
especially  in  the  family,  is  mere  slavery.  Now, 
can  two  walk  together,  unless  they  are  agreed 
in  this  matter  ?     How  can  they  ?     I  should  be 

*  This  idea  does  not  at  all  conflict  with  the  general  opi- 
nion of  a  class,  or  of  classes  of  public  teachers,  whose  office 
it  is  to  instruct  large  numbers.  On  the  contrary,  it  confirma 
and  strengthens  it. 


SEVEN    RULES.  207 

almost  ready  to  say,  it  were  better  to  have  no 
plan  than  to  have  one  which  fetters,  embar- 
rasses, or  enslaves  either  party. 

3.  Closely  connected  with  the  preceding  rule 
is  another.  There  must  be  a  similarity  of  views 
in  regard  to  the  general  supervision  and  gov- 
ernment of  a  family.  Thus,  if  one  of  the 
heads  of  the  family  believes  in  a  rigid  disci- 
pline, and  in  the  occasional  infliction  of  corpo- 
real punishment,  while  the  other  believes  that 
the  same  great  ends  can  be  secured  by  mild- 
ness and  suasion ;  and  if  neither  is  ready  to 
yield,  is  it  not  manifest  that  there  must  be  such 
collision  as  will  jeopardize,  if  not  absolutely 
destroy  all  family  peace  and  happiness  ? 

It  has  been  said,  "  Whatever  is  best  admi- 
nistered, is  best."  Now  I  do  not  admit  the 
truth  of  this  maxim,  merely  because  it  is  old ; 
but  old  or  new,  it  has  truth  in  it.  And,  for 
my  own  part,  I  should  prefer  almost  any  sys- 
tem of  government,  lax  or  severe,  of  fear  or  of 
love,  to  one  in  which  the  parties  were  at  va- 
riance. Mere  suasion,  though  I  should  dread 
its  final  issues,  would  not  be  so  bad,  as  suasion 


208  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

on  the  one  part,  and  martial  discipline  on  the 
other. 

4.  Seek  a  friend  whose  religious  opinions,  in 
the  main,  resemble  your  own.  I  say  this, 
however,  not  because  some  latitude  of  opinion 
is  not  admissible  on  this,  as  well  as  on  all 
other  subjects ;  but  because  it  usually  turns 
out  that  in  the  intimacy  of  conjugal  life,  there 
will  be  enough  of  difference  to  secure  a  full 
and  free  discussion  of  all  important  topics, 
when  the  parties  set  out  nearly  together. 
Thinking  people — and  I  trust  you  would  never 
select  for  a  companion  in  married  life  the  tin- 
thinking — who  set  out  together  in  matters  of 
opinion,  in  religion,  politics,  &c.,  are  liable  at 
best  to  diverge  greatly  before  they  come  to  the 
end  of  life's  journey.  *  * 

5.  An  entire  agreement  is  desirable,  if  not 
indispensable,  in  regard  to  many  of  the  smaller 
things,  so  to  call  them,  of  human  life.  My 
attention  has  been  repeatedly  called  to  the 
customs  of  families  in  regard  to  early  rising. 
Small  as  the  thing,  in  itself  considered,  may 


SEVEN    RULES.  209 

seem  to  be,  it  has  a  great  deal  to  do  with  do- 
mestic peace  and  fehcity. 

I  have  seen  famiUes  where  one  party  wished 
to  rise,  always,  at  a  certain  hour,  while  the 
other  only  wished  to  rise  at  such  an  hour  as 
blind  feeling  might  dictate.  But  I  never  knew 
entire  harmony  in  these  families.  There  was 
always  something  wrong. 

True,  I  have  known  the  female  head  of  the 
family  submit  to  what  seemed  to  her  like  the 
stern  decree  of  the  other  party ;  but  I  never 
knew  her  to  do  it  cheerfully ;  nor  did  I  ever 
know  the  results  to  be  favorable.  Children 
are  early  and  permanently  injured  by  it,  and 
that  inevitably. 

It  oftener  happens,  however,  that  there  is 
not  so  much  as  a  temporary  acquiescence  in 
the  strong  demands  of  the  other  party.  The 
husband,  for  example,  will  continue  to  rise 
early ;  and  the  wife,  with  as  much  or  more  of 
pertinacity,  v/ill  continue  to  rise  late.  And,  as 
a  consequence,  there  will  be  murmuring  and 
complaining — crimination  and  recrimination. 
And  as  example  is  more  etfectual  than  pre- 
cept, so  the  miseducation  of  the  family  prepares 


210  GIFT  BOOK   FOB   TOUNG   LADIES. 

the  next  generation  for  the  same  unhappmess 
to  which  themselves  are  aheady  subjected. 

Now  I  am  a  strong  friend  to  early  rising. 
They  who  rise  early,  and  go  about  their  cus- 
tomary employments  with  energy,  seem  to  re- 
ceive an  impulse,  in  the  consciousness  of  set- 
ting out  right,  that  often  lasts  the  whole  day. 
While  they  who  rise  late,  often  appear  to  get 
behind  their  day's  work,  and  to  fret  themselves 
in  vain  all  day  to  overtake  it. 

And  yet,  I  must  honestly  say  that  it  can 
hardly  be  worse  in  its  moral  influence  on  the 
family,  to  have  both  parties,  by  mutual  concur- 
rence, lie  late,  than  to  wage  a  never  ending  war 
about  it.  Let  this  matter  then,  small  as  it  may 
seem,  be  attended  to,  and  in  due  season. 

I  would  not  indeed  say  to  you.  Never  enter 
into  the  sacred  bonds  to  which  I  allude,  till 
you  have  found  one  for  your  friend  whose 
habits  are  in  harmony  with  your  own ;  for 
if  there  is  a  general  determination  to  do  right ^ 
almost  any  change  wdiich  is  seen  to  be  impor- 
tant can  and  will  be  made.  But  I  do  say  that 
it  is  highly  desirable  that  the  habits  of  the  par- 
ties should  be  alike  from  the  first. 


SEVEN    RULES.  211 

6.  So  in  regard  to  the  matter  of  eating  and 
drinking.  It  were  desirable  that  the  habits  of 
two  persons  about  to  enter  into  the  bonds  of 
matrimonial  friendship,  should  be  as  nearly- 
alike  as  possible.  For  as  it  is  with  regard  to 
differences  of  opinion  on  many  subjects,  so  it 
is  with  regard  to  dietetic  habits  ; — if  you  set 
out  together,  there  is  room  enough  to  diverge 
before  you  get  through  life. 

Still  I  have  hope  that  no  young  woman  pos- 
sessed of  but  half  the  good  sense  which  falls  to 
your  lot,  would  make  herself  or  others  miserable 
for  the  sake  of  insisting  on  having  her  own  way. 
There  must  be  concession,  greater  or  less,  in 
matrimony,  on  this  and  fifty  other  points,  or 
happiness  if  not  friendship  is  at  an  end. 

7.  In  my  remarks  under  our  fifth  rule,  I 
have  said,  "  If  there  is  a  determination  to  do 
right,"  &c.  Now  it  is  of  very  great — I  had  almost 
said  paramount — importance  that  we  should  not 
only  hunger  and  thirst  after  truth  and  right- 
eousness, but  that  we  should  also  conform  to 
the  truth  with  the  greatest  promptitude,  when- 
ever it  is  known.     Or,  in  other  words,  there 


212  GIFT  BOOK  FOE   TOUNO   LADIES. 

can  be  no  true  and  Christian  friendship  in 
matrimonial  life,  unless  the  parties  hold  them- 
selves bound  to  yield,  always,  to  convic- 
tion. 

You  have  read,  in  a  work  of  the  highest  au- 
thority, "  You  shall  know  the  truth,  and  the 
truth  shall  make  you  free,"  or  language  of  the 
same  general  import.  Now  I  would  not  give 
much  for  that  truth  which  does  not  make  free  ; 
nor  for  that  bosom  friendship,  under  which  the 
parties  are  not  steadfastly  determined  to  acc 
according  to  their  sober  convictions  of  truth  and 
duty. 

Still  less,  if  possible,  would  I  give  for  that 
sort  of  friendship,  which,  while  it  retains  the 
namej  has  so  lost  the  spirit,  as  to  be  unwilling 
to  be  corrected,  or  reminded  of  faults.  This 
correction  of  each  other's  faults,  let  me  say 
once  for  all,  instead  of  passing  them  over  from 
week  to  week,  or  from  year  to  year — perhaps, 
what  is  still  worse,  apologizing  for  them — is 
one  of  the  highest  duties  of  friendship  every 
where,  especially  in  conjugal  life.  And  they 
who  have  not  learned  to  endure  all  this — nay 


SEVEN   RULES.  213 

more,  to  be  thankful  for  the  aid  thus  afforded 
them  in  the  great  work  of  self-progress  and 
self-purification — are  not  yet  fit  for  friendship's 
most  exalted  privileges  and  rewards. 
10 


CHAPTER  XXII, 

DISAPPOINTMENTS. 

You  see,  from  seyerai  letters  I  have  written 
vou,  how  Diuch  importance  I  attach  to  conju= 
gal  friendship.  No  other  topic  has  occupied 
half  the  space  which  I  have  given  to  this. 
And  I  assure  you  I  do  not  regret  it. 

I  can  think  of  but  one  objection  which  you 
will  have  against  the  course  my  remarks  have 
thus  taken ;  and  even  that,  on  account  of 
my  age^  and  the  general  respect  which  you 
entertain  for  me,  you  will  hardly  dare  to  haz- 
ard.    I  will  therefore  make  it  for  you. 

You  are  not  ignorant,  wholly  so,  of  human 
nature.  You  are  not  ignorant  that  it  is  wo- 
man's nature  to  love.  You  know,  better  than 
I  do,  that  instinct  and  reason  miite  to  render 
her   confiding,   dependent,  and   sympathetic  ; 


DISAPPOINTIMENTS.  215 

5L1.5  !ejd  her  mind  and  heart  to  friendship. 
You  also  know  that  she  is  a  great  discerner  of 
chartfcCter — that  she  often  understands,  by  a 
kind  of  intuition,  what  it  would  take  our -own 
sex  a  loDg  time  to  discover  in  other  ways. 
How,  then,  you  will  incline  to  ask, — how  is  it 
that  I  can  hope  to  instruct  and  guide  you  in 
this  matter  ? 

Be  it  so,  however,  that  I  have  taught  you 
nothing  new.  JB?e  it  that  you  have  been  look- 
ing, these  many  years,  for  just  such  a  friend  as 
I  have  described,  but  have  been  wholly  un- 
successful in  the  search.  Is  it  of  no  conse- 
quence to  see  youT  own  judgment  confirmed 
by  one  of  an  opposite  sex  ?  Is  it  nothing  to 
have  the  testimony  of  others  confirm  the  de- 
cisions of  your  own  mind  and  conscience  ? 

But  I  have  taken  up  my  pen  this  time  to  ad- 
dress you  on  a  subject  somewhat  different  from 
any  thing  on  which  I  have  yet  written — a 
subject  on  which  I  may  perhaps  suggest  a  new 
train  of  thought  to  your  mind. 

Although  you  have  hitherto  failed  to  secure 
the  sympathizing  hand  of  connubial  friend- 
ship, yet  you  have  too  much  good  sense  to  be 


216  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG-   LADIES. 

discouraged.  You  will  not  lose  your  confi- 
dence in  our  sex.  You  will  need  all  the  bless- 
ings which  love  and  sympathy  and  friend- 
ship can  confer,  as  long  as  you  live ;  and  the 
longer  you  live,  the  greater  will  be  the  necessity. 

Suppose,  by  the  way,  you  are  to  be  ad- 
dressed by  an  individual  who  seems  to  be  all 
that  you  could  expect  in  this  world.  Faults  he 
may  indeed  possess ;  but  then  you  call  to  your 
mind,  that  for  absolute  perfection,  here  below, 
you  are  not  to  look.  In  a  word,  you  perceive 
what  you  have  never  perceived  before  in  the 
nature  and  character  of  the  regard  you  have 
for  him. 

And  as  every  thing  was  voluntary  on  his 
part — no  overtures  or  solicitations  having  ever 
been  made,  by  you  or  your  friends,  directly  or 
indirectly— you  have  reason,  as  you  think,  for 
believing  your  own  sentiments  and  affections 
are  reciprocated.  You  have  reason  to  believe 
that  Heaven  will  smile  propitiously  on  your 
union  for  life. 

Time  passes  on,  and  passes  pleasantly.  No 
positive  engagement  is  made,  for  no  outward 
or  formal  bonds  seem  necessary.     Formalities 


DISAPPOINTMENTS.  -  217 

would  even  seem  to  weaken  what  lies  deeper 
than  mere  externals.  In  soul  and  spirit  you 
are  united  already ;  not  for  time  merely,  but, 
so  to  speak,  for  eternity. 

Suddenly,  however,  and  without  the  slight- 
est known  cause  for  a  change  of  feeling,  his 
visits  are  discontinued.  You  wonder  why  you 
hear  no  more  the  sound  of  his  footsteps,  nor 
receive  any  epistolary  expl  anation.  Is  he  sick  ? 
Surely,  were  it  so,  you  would  hear  of  it.  Is  he 
absent  ?  Why  then,  were  you  not  apprized  of 
the  intended  journey  ?  A  still  more  important 
inquiry  steals  over  your  soul  occasionally ;  but 
you  thrust  it  from  you.  You  cannot  bear  to 
harbor  it  for  a  moment.  You  meditate  by  day, 
and  dream  by  night ;  but,  alas  !  neither  your 
day  dreams  nor  your  night  visions  are  realized. 

What  you  dare  not  believe  to  be  possible, 
however,  soon  grows  into  a  sober  reality.  He 
has  indeed  left  you  forever.  Not  for  any  as 
signable  reason,  except  one  which  would  be 
last  in  the  avowal,  that  his  own  feelings  have 
changed.  His  only  apology  is  that  he  believes 
you  are  not  adapted  to  each  other,  or  that 
you  are  too  good  for  him ;  but  the  real  cause 


218  GIFT    BOOK    FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

is  that  his  own  love  has  grown  cold,  and  he 
views  things  through  a  very  different  medium. 

In  these  circumstances,  you  will  be  involved 
in  a  trial  more  severe  than  your  soul  has  ever 
yet  dreamed  of.  And  in  the  bitterness  of  your 
agony  you  will,  at  times,  be  ready  to  anathe- 
matize half  the  whole  race  of  man.  Or  perhaps 
with  Job  you  will  say,  "let  the  day  perish  where- 
in I  was  born."  The  agony  will  be  extorted  at 
first,  from  the  fear  that  you  have  been  grossly 
deceived.  That  smooth  tongue,  you  will  say, 
never  could  have  meant  all  it  affirmed.  You 
will  be  more  astonished  at  what  you  suppose 
to  be  cool,  calculating  villany,  than  at  your 
own  loss. 

^Vhen,  however,  you  find  that  there  was 
less  of  villany  than  of  folly,  though  your  in- 
dignation may  subside,  yet  your  anguish  will 
increase.  You  have  fastened  your  affections 
on  an  object,  and  cannot  so  easily  disengage 
them;  whereas  the  object  in  question  has 
only  vacillated,  like  the  needle  from  the  pole. 
He  loved  you  yesterday,  to-day  his  love  has 
disappeared.  There  may  be  no  rival ;  the 
fountains   of  what  seemed  to   you  a  stream 


DISAPPOINTMENTS.  219 

of  permanent  exhaustless  friendship  are  com- 
pletely dried  up. 

And  now  the  agony  is  that  you  are  alone  5 
and  alone  in  a  sense  and  with  an  emphasis  of 
which  you  never  before  had  any  conceptiorL 
Before  you  had  a  friend,  you  knew  less  his 
value;  but  now  that  an  ostensible  friendship, 
has  awakened  to  activity  and  nurtured  intq' 
growth  the  germs  which  God  in  his  providence* 
has  planted  deeply  in  female  nature,  you  begin 
to  feel  what  a  wilderness  this  world  is,  when 
travelled  alone. 

You  are  now  in  a  situation  which  requires 
all  the  aid  of  all  the  philosophy  and  religion 
you  can  possibly  summoiL  It  is  a  situation 
which,  though  imaginary,  of  course,  in  the 
present  instance,  has  been  realized — alas,  too 
often.  It  is  a  condition  to  whicli,  in  the  pres- 
ent state  of  society,  the  miseducation  of  both 
sexes  sometimes  dooms  your  sex,  and  by  means 
of  which  they  sometimes  sink  into  insignifi- 
cance, if  not  imbecility. 

God  grant,  my  dear  friend,  that  such  trials 
as  those  I  have  here  faintly  portrayed,  may 
never  fall  to  your  lot.     Perhaps  I  do  not  hope 


220  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOUNG    LADIES. 

wholly  in  vain.  You  are  now  quite  beyond 
your  "  teens,"  and  begin  to  be  something  moie 
than  a  mere  girl ;  I  hope  your  heart  will  never, 
at  this  age,  be  trifled  with. 

But  suppose  the  worst  should  happen — the 
I  worst,  I  mean,  of  what  I  have  portrayed.  You 
have  indeed  been  ill  treated,  and  the  agent  of 
this  ill  treatment  deserves  punishment.  Still 
I  do  not  advise  you  to  indulge  a  vindictive 
spirit.  It  will  do  no  good  to  yourself  or  to 
others. 

;  It  has  sometimes  been  deemed  advisable  to 
institute  a  legal  process,  and  punish  the  agres- 
sor  by  taking  away  his  money.  But  I  have 
supposed  a  case,  in  which  there  is  no  ground 
for  such  a  process  ;  or  at  best  none  but  that 
which  is  doubtful.  Besides,  every  woman  of 
genuine  delicacy  will  shrink  from  such  a 
course,  were  it  likely  to  be  successful. 

The  truth  is,  the  crime  committed  will 
bring  with  it  a  measure  of  punishment,  whether 
you  interfere  or  not.  It  may  cause  painful 
days  and  sleepless  nights.  Or,  if  otherwise 
— ^if  there  is  not  conscience  enough  to  cause 
pangs — you  may.  solace  yourself  in  the   full 


m 


¥1 1 


DISAPPOINTMENTS.  221 

belief  that  your  loss  is  not  so  great,  after  all, 
as  you  may,  in  the  first  moments  of  disappoint- 
ed feeling — ^perhaps  mortified  pride — have 
supposed. 

Indeed  I  can  hardly  conceive  of  a  case  of 
this  kind  in  which  a  young  woman  is  not  a 
gainer,  rather  than  a  loser,  would  she  but  con- 
sider the  matter  rightly.  For  a  young  man 
who  will  thus  vacillate,  would  make  but  a 
miserable  friend.  One  disqualification  seldom 
goes  alone,  especially  a  disqualification  of  this 
sort.  In  truth,  you  ought  to  congratulate 
yourself  on  your  escape,  rather  than  grieve  oh 
account  of  your  supposed  loss. 

Do  you  say  that  the  more  you  think  on  the 
subject  the  worse  you  feel — and  that  you  can- 
not rise  above  it?  I  do  not  believe  it.  You 
are  a  woman  of  energy  in  other  matters  ;  surely 
you  can  bring  your  energies  J;p  bear  on  the  pre- 
sent case.  You  have  not  hitherto  sunk  under 
your  trials,  why  should  you  do  so  now  ? 

You  cannot  rise  above  it !  Indeed !  but 
what  then  ?  What  will  you  do  ?  Will  you 
sink  under  it  ?  One  of  these  results  must  fol- 
low. There  is  no  medium — such  is  human 
10* 


222  GIFT  BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

nature.  They  that  do  not  sustain  themselves 
7nust  sink. 

You  will  say,  perhaps,  But  how  can  I  help 
it  ?  I  reply.  Have  you  made  the  trial  ?  And 
have  you  been  thorough?  Do  not  say  you 
have  no  strength  to  do  that  which  you  have 
not  yet  attempted.  Besides,  she  who  does 
what  she  can  in  a  trial  of  this  kind,  may  look 
for  aid  to  the  completion  of  a  work  that  proves 
too  hard  for  mere  human  natme.  When  you 
have  exhausted  all  the  means  afforded  by 
earth  and  heaven,  it  may  be  time  to  talk  about 
sinking. 

Sink  under  your  trials  !  Have  you  thought 
what  this  means,  and  how  much  it  means  ? 
Can  you  bear  the  thought  of  becoming  a  mere 
block,  a  drivelling  idiot,  or  a  raving,  infuriated 
maniac?  Do  you  not  shudder  at  the 'bare 
thought  of  the  possibility,  when  you  sink,  as 
you  call  it,  of  having  reason  desert  her  throne, 
as  Nebuchadnezzar's  did — and  of  a  condition 
much  worse  than  his  ? 

Do  you  say  that  your  trials  have  thrown  a 
gloom  over  every  surrounding  object ;  that  the 
face  of  nature  is  divested  of  its  accustomed  beau- 


DISAPPOINTMENTS.  223 

ties;  that  to  you  no  sun  shines,  no  flowers 
bloom,  nor  birds  sing;  and  that  the  very 
heavens  gather  blackness  around  your  path, 
leaving  creation  not  indeed  a  mere  chaos,  but 
worse  than  a  chaos,  a  mighty  blank  ? 

This  indeed  were  a  severe  trial ;  but  worse 
trials  have  been  endured.  The  mind  has  been 
awakened,  ere  now,  to  conscious  guilt  as  well 
as  suffering.  Thank  God,  then,  and  take 
courage.  Thank  God,  that  though  you  sufier, 
you  retain  your  innocence.  Thank  him  that 
you  are  the  injured — and  not  the  one  who  has 
inflicted  the  blow. 

You  ask,  it  may  be,  what  you  are  to  do — a 
mere  solitary — a  mere  cipher  in  society — un- 
cared  for,  except  by  a  few  wretches  who  love 
to  point  at  human  misery  to  increase  it — for- 
saken by  man,  and  you  fear  by  God  himself. 

Not  so  fast.  You  are  not  so  entirely  forsa= 
ken  as  you  suppose.  There  may  be  more  of 
sympathy  for  you  than  you  imagine.  If  it  is 
quite  true,  that 

"  Full  many  a  flower  is  bom  to  blush  unseen," 

it  is  not  true  that  many  of  the  human  species 


i 


.i!iissim^:y:^ 


224  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

are  born  to  an  end  so  undesirable.  You  were 
born  for  a  godlike  purpose.  I  have  in  other 
letters  pointed  out,  as  well  as  I  could,  that  pur- 
pose. Rouse,  then,  to  the  fulfilment  of  your 
mission.  You  have  done  much ;  but  there  re- 
mains much  for  you  to  do. 

True,  you  are  as  yet  alone.  You  are  a 
stranger  and  a  pilgrim.  But  is  not  this,  after 
all,  the  condition  of  humanity  ?  Are  we  not 
all  strangers  and  pilgrims  and  sojourners  upon 
the  earth  ? 

In  your  lonely  moments,  when  thinking  of 
the  condition  of  humanity,  without  friendships 
— when  disposed  to  sink  under  the  considera- 
tion that  the  world  is  but  a  wilderness  of  woe — 
you  have,  or  may  have,  at  least  one  consolation. 
There  is  a  world  to  come,  of  which  no  one  can 
deprive  you,  except  your  own  sinful  self,  where 
friendship  flourishes  in  eternal  purity.  Should 
you  avail  yourself  of  the  privileges  and  joys, 
which  that  upper  world  proflers  you,  will  you 
not  be  repaid,  a  thousand-fold,  for  any  suffer- 
ings, however  great,  which  pertain  to  this  pro- 
bationary state? 

I   said,  however,  your   work   was   not  yet 


DISAPPOINTMENTS.  225 

donej  even  here.  Would  to  God  that  young 
women  were  not  so  much  inchned  to  feel  as  if 
there  was  nothmg  for  them  to  do,  in  the  soHtary 
state.  Grant  that  the  conjugal  condition 
doubles  the  efficiency  of  man  or  woman,  and 
more  than  doubles  it — Avhat  then?  Are  we 
not  bound,  still,  to  do  all  we  can  without  it  ? 

And  is  there  an  individual  to  be  found 
among  us  who  has  done  all  the  good  she  can, 
even  in  a  restricted  sphere,  by  kind  actions, 
words  and  looks,  by  the  thousand  and  one 
forms,  in  which  woman  is  able  to  become  every 
where,  not  merely  a  missionary,  but  a  guardian 
angel  ?  They,  who  say,  with  so  much  impa- 
tience, Alas  !  what  good  can  I  do  ?  have  not 
enough  considered,  as  I  fear,  what  doing  good 
is. 

In  future  letters  I  hope  to  show  — whether 
the  knowledge  be  of  particular  consequence  to 
you  or  not — that  what  I  have  said  in  the  last 
paragraph  is  something  more  than  imaginary 
— and  that  guardian  angels,  need  not  always 
be  invisible.  But  I  have  one  word,  before  I 
close,  on  another  subject. 

What   I   have   to   say,  relates  to  yourself. 


226  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

While  you  would  not  be  injured  yourself — sin- 
cere as  you  are  in  your  search  for  friendship — 
do  not  for  one  moment  allow  yourself  to  injure 
others.  Remember  the  golden  rule  of  doing  to 
them  as  you  would  that  they  should  do  to 
you. 

I  say  this,  not  that  I  really  believe  you  have 
the  least  disposition  to  act  the  coquette ;  but 
because  such  a  disposition  is  abroad  among 
your  seXj  and  because  I  am  not  quite  certain 
you  would  be  proof  against  its  temptations.  It 
is  not  only  wrong,  but  it  is  mean. 

What  though  it  is  common  and  fashionable? 
What  though  it  is  gratifying  to  vanity  ?  Are 
you,  therefore,  justified  in  using  it  ?  Not  by 
any  means.  Beware,  therefore.  Avoid  even 
the  first  steps  in  the  road  that  leads  to  it. 


CHAPTEE  XXm. 


DOING    GOOD. 


"  Who  will  show  us  any  good  ?"  One  of  the 
best  discourses  I  have  ever  heard  was  founded 
on  this  text.  It  took  for  granted  what  every 
reflecting  person  already  knows,  that  all  man- 
kind are  seeking  for  happiness,  in  some  way  or 
other  ;  but  that  the  far  greater  part  seek  it  in 
the  wrong  way.  That  instead  of  seeking  to 
become  holy,  as  a  means  of  being  happy,  they 
grasp  directly  at  happiness,  and  therefore  gen- 
erally miss  it. 

Holiness  of  person  and  character,  by  leading 
us  to  do  good — to  bring  forth  much  fruit,  as 
the  Saviour  expresses  it — is  what  is  most  need- 
ed among  us.  Let  those,  then,  who  would 
find  true  and  lasting  good,  seek  to  be  holy,  and 
to  do  good.     In  any  event,  let  those  who  seek 


228  GIFT  BOOK  FOB  YOUNG  LADIES. 

good,  fully  understand  that  the  shortest  way 
to  obtain  it,  is  by  doing. 

You  may  do  good,  I  know,  as  a  mere  pas 
sion,  or  pastime;  though  this  is  not  usuaL 
Besides,  who  would  not  greatly  prefer  that  the 
world  should  be  made  better  in  this  way,  than 
in  no  way  at  all  ?  Would  that  doing  good  were 
a  pastime  with  every  body ! 

Franklin  appears  to  have  had  such  a  passion 
for  doing  good,  as  made  it  with  him,  almost  a 
recreation.  He  caught  the  spirit  of  it  from 
reading  Dr.  Cotton  Mather's  "Essays  to  do 
Good ;"  a  capital  work,  which,  by  the  way,  I 
wish  you  would  peruse  carefully,  if  you  have 
not  already  done  it. 

Of  course,  it  is  not  for  me  to  say  that  Frank- 
lin was  not  moved  to  this  work  by  Divine 
influences,  or  rather  by  the  love  of  holiness  for 
its  own  sake,  though  it  is  not  generally  so  con- 
sidered. But  be  this  as  it  may  have  been,  he 
appears  to  have  been  fond  of  the  work,  and  to 
have  been  quite  at  home  in  it. 

One  of  the  best  practical  books  on  this  sub- 
ject is  a  work  by  Rev.  Jacob  Abbott,  entitled, 
"  The  Way  to  do  Good."     Had  this  excellent 


DOING    GOOD.  229 

'xian  never  written  any  other  work,  he  would 
lave  been  a  pubhc  benefactor.  Read  this, 
dso  ;  your  fondness  for  his  other  works  is  such 
that  I  trust  you  will  need  no  urging,  in  this 
particular. 

Another  work,  by  the  Rev.  Pharcellus 
Church,  entitled  "  The  Philosophy  of  Benevo- 
lence ;"  and  another,  still,  by  Dr.  Dick,  on  "  Cov- 
etousness,"  are  worthy  of  your  attention.  You 
can  hardly  fill  your  soul  too  full  of  this  great 
subject.  It  is  high  as  the  heavens,  what  canst 
thou  do? 

In  regard  to  all  the  books  I  have  seen  on 
doing  good,  except  the  Bible,  there  is  one  cap- 
ital defect.  Mr.  Abbott's  is,  however,  the  least 
exceptionable.  They  teach  us  the  importance 
of  doing  good  plainly  enough,  and  urge  the 
subject  upon  us  strongly  enough ;  but  they 
leave  almost  untouched  the  science  of  it.  The 
science  of  Philanthropy  as  a  science,  is,  as  yet, 
a  desideratum. 

I  wish  I  had  time  and  room  to  enter  at  once 
upon  this  great  subject.  Indeed,  I  am  not 
without  the  hope,  that  in  my  next  two  or  three 
letters — should  I  live  to  write  them — I  may 


230  GIFT   BOOK    FOK    YOUNG    LADIES. 

make  a  beginning.  But  this  will  be  about  all. 
Meanwhile,  I  must  be  permitted  to  finish  this 
communication  by  a  few  more  very  general  re- 
marks. 

Some  have  been  disgusted  with  those  who 
called  themselves  doers  of  good,  because  there 
was  mingled,  in  their  efforts,  more  or  less  of 
display,  or  what  the  Phrenologists  call  love  of 
approbation.  Thus,  I  have  seen  a  man  who 
made  loud  and  large  pretensions,  who  wore 
gold  spectacles,  and  who  seemed  to  take  special 
pains  to  have  the  world  know  it. 

Now,  while  I  am  fully  conscious  that  doers 
of  good,  in  every  form,  should  avoid  even  the 
appearance  of  evil,  I  am  not  quite  sure  that  we 
ought  not  to  expect  a  spice  of  vanity,  if  nothing 
worse,  in  what  they  do  ;  or  even  a  few  of  the 
swellings  of  pride.  The  approbation  of  others, 
moreover — when  we  cannot  aim  any  higher — 
is  not  to  be  wholly  despised.  Still,  as  fast  as 
we  can,  we  ought  to  learn  to  do  the  good  we 
do,  for  the  pleasure  of  it,  and  for  the  benefits  it 
confers  on  others,  and  even  ourselves;  or  what 
is  a  higher  motive  still,  for  the  desire  of  pleas- 
ing God,  our  heavenly  Father. 


DOING    GOOD.  231 

I  wish  to  say  again,  (see  Letter  XII.)  that 
one  great  blessedness  of  doing  good,  consists 
in  the  fact  that,  after  all  the  good  it  does  to 
others,  it  blesses  the  individual  who  does  it, 
much  more,  as  a  general  rule,  than  any  body 
else.  The  great  Gospel  principle,  "  It  is  more 
blessed  to  give  than  to  receive,"  has  for  ages 
been  admitted — indeed,  who,  in  any  age,  ever 
disputed  it? — but  how  seldom  has  it  been 
practically  acted  upon,  and  carried  into  daily 
life !  One  reason  for  this  is,  that  it  has  not 
been  miderstood,  in  its  nature. 

For  how  is  it  that  doing  good  operates  to 
make  us  better  while  we  do  it  7     Dr.  Dwidit 

o 

says,  "  Doing  good  produces  love ;"  and  again, 
"  We  love  those  to  whom  we  do  good,  more 
than  we  love  those  who  do  good  to  us."  Here, 
as  it  seems  to  me,  is  the  true  answer  to  the  in- 
quiry. Doing  good  creates  love  towards  the 
object  for  whom  we  labor.  And  hence  the 
more  good  we  do,  the  more  we  love.  And  the 
more  we  love,  the  more  our  hearts  are  made 
better. 

In  truth,  it  has  often  occurred  to  me  that 
doing  good  is  the  cause  or  source  of  a  much 


232     GIF!  BOOK  FOR  YOUNG  LADIES. 

greater  proportion  of  the  love — instinctive  love 
always  excepted — which  we  have  for  our  fellow 
creatures,  than  most  people  are  aware.  Parental 
love,  and  even  conjugal  love,  if  they  do  not 
originate  in  this  way,  are  most  certainly  greatly 
increased  by  it. 

Have  YQu.  not  seen,  for  example,  a  doting 
parent,  most  fond  of  some  bed-ridden  or  con- 
sumptive or  idiotic  child,  for  whom  he  has  done 
almost  as  much  as  for  all  the  rest  of  his  family  ? 
And  how  will  you  account  for  it  so  well  as  on 
this  great  principle  7 

This  is  not— I  repeat — to  deny  the  force  of 
instinctive  or  impulsive  love,  nor  to  say  that 
even  this  sort  of  love  is  not  increased  in  the 
same  way  as  the  other  —  at  least  to  some 
extent.  Nor  do  I  say  that  it  is  not  blessed  to 
receive  good  as  well  as  to  communicate  it.  All 
I  contend  for  is,  that  it  is  more  blessed  to  give 
than  to  receive,  and  that  facts  prove  it. 

Mankind  seem,  indeed,  to  suppose  that  all, 
or  nearly  all,  of  blessedness  in  this  world — and 
still  more  in  the  world  to  come — consists  in  re- 
ceiving  good,  rather  than  in  doing  it.  At  least 
they  practice  as  if  they  thought  so.     I  know 


DOING    GOOD.  233 

as  I  have  already  admitted,  that  they  profess  to 
beheve  in  the  Christian  doctrines  of  benevolence 
in  theory ;  and  this  will  account  for  the  fact, 
that  their  theory  and  practice  are  perpetually 
at  war ;  and  that  they  miss  half  the  hap- 
piness they  might  otherwise  secure  and  enjoy. 

You,  my  friend,  are  still  young.  You  have 
not  seen  quite  half  the  years  sometimes  allotted 
to  our  race.  You  have  the  world,  as  it  were, 
before  you.  The  great  doctrine,  "  It  is  more 
blessed  to  give  than  to  receive,"  is  therefore  a 
matter  of  everlasting  importance  to  you.  It 
is  of  importance  to  me,  old  as  I  am — but  it  is 
still  more  so  to  you. 

Not  that  life  would  not  be  worth  possessing, 
were  the  order  of  things  reversed,  and  were 
the  greater  part  of  your  blessedness  to  have  its 
origin  in  the  receipt  of  good,  instead  of  its 
communication.  Still  you  would  have  far  less 
of  motive  to  action  in  that  case,  as  a  female 
than  you  now  have. 

When  a  young  woman,  whose  eyes  are  be- 
ginning to  be  opened  to  the  condition  of  this 
world,  and  especially  to  the  world  within,  (and 
she  begins  to  feel  as  if,  in  view  of  so  much  to 


234  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG    LADIES. 

be  done  for  herself  and  for  others,  she  could 
do  nothmg,)  first  gets  a  glimpse  of  the  practical 
eflects  of  true  benevolence — that  charity  which, 
as  Shakspeare  says,  is  twice  blessed  —  she 
seems  to  be  introduced,  as  it  were,  to  a  new- 
world.  Instead  of  sitting  all  the  day  idle,  or 
mourning  over  her  secluded  condition,  she  goes 
to  work. 

And  the  more  she  does,  the  more  she  finds 
to  do.  Had  she  a  hundred  hands,  and  half  as 
many  heads,  she  would  soon  find  ample  em- 
ployment for  them  all.  Nay,  instead  of  feeling 
as  if  she  had  little  to  do  but  to  drag  out  the 
remnant  of  a  short  life  somehoiv^  she  will 
almost  wish  she  had  a  dozen  lives  of  a  thou- 
sand years  each. 

A  thousand  years  of  life  !  Why,  what  is 
that,  as  a  season  for  doing  good  ?  And  yet  we 
may  begin  the  work  in  a  much  shorter  period. 
We  may  begm  it,  in  a  very  few  years.  In- 
deed, is  it  not  the  great  business  of  this  life  to 
prepare  to  do  good  ? 

I  know  well,  that  some  people  regard  the 
future  state  as  a  passive  condition — a  quiescent 


DOING    GOOD.  235 

State.  At  most  they  expect  to  expend  it  in  acts 
of  what  are  usually  called  worship.  But  is  it 
so?  That  such  worship  will  be  included, 
there  may  be  no  doubt ;  but  is  it  not  the  Divine 
plan,  that  if  we  have  happiness  we  must  work 
for  it,  and  work  hard  too  ? 

What  is  the  whole  gospel  plan  of  salvation 
but  to  rescue  us  from  folly  and  selfishness,  and 
their  natural  and  necessary  consequences,  and 
to  place  us  in  a  condition  where  we  may  be 
eternally  benevolent — where,  like  cherub  and 
seraph,  we  -  may  fly  with  everlasting  speed,  in 
our  efibrts  to  spread  blessedness  and  be  blessed  ? 

Go  forward  then,  my  dear  sister,  in  the 
sublime  work  of  co-operating  with  the  Creator 
and  Redeemer  of  human  souls,  in  spreading 
everlasting  blessedness  as  fast  and  as  far  as  pos- 
sible. Do  not  delay  one  moment.  If  much 
of  your  life  has  run  to  waste  already,  see  that 
no  more  of  it  does  so.  They  have  their  work 
half  done,  who  have  it  well  begun.  See  that 
you  begin  it  immediately. 

Do  not  labor  for  pay.  Reward  will  come,  but 
it  will  be  in  the  form  of  an  increased  capacity 


236  GUT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

to  be  useful.  Expect  to  work,  and  work,  and 
Avork  on,  while  immortality  endures ;  and  re- 
joice that  in  this  way  you  may  rise,  in  due 
time,  where  neither  cherub  nor  seraph  has  yet 
soared. 


CHAPTER  XXIY. 

PULLING   OUT   OF   THE   FIRE. 

We  come  now  to  methods— ways  and  means, 
rather — of  doing  the  good  we  may  meditate. 
And  in  pursuance  of  our  subject,  let  us  con- 
sider, first,  a  species  of  angelic  work  which  the 
Scripture  characterizes  by  the  phrase,  "  pulling 
them  out  of  the  fire,"-— the  fire,  of  course, 
which  is  enkindled  by  vice  and  immorality. 

I  knew  a  female  not  long  since,  in  one 
of  our  populous  eastern  towns,  who,  though 
far  enough  from  afiiuence,  and  at  the  head  of 
a  large  family,  contrived  to  spend  a  portion  of 
almost  every  day  in  plucking  souls  and  bodies 
from  the  fires  of  lust,  appetite  and  passion; 
especially  the  former. 

Say  not  that  you  are  situated  in  a  com- 

munfty  where  little  is  to  be  done  in  this  way ; 
H 


238  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES, 

for  I  grant  it  in  the  outset.  Nevertheless,  1 
may  succeed,  before  I  close,  in  showing  yoUy 
that  you  have  no  occasion  to  be  idle,  even  in 
this  part  of  the  Master's  vineyard. 

The  woman  I  have  mentioned  above  would 
go  in  pursuit  of  good  to  be  done.  Now  you 
may  find  work  of  this  idnd  to  do,  if  you  stay 
at  home,  or  you  may  not.  But  she,  I  say 
again,  went  in  pursuit  of  it.  And  so  did  the 
great  Example  of  doing  good.  He  did  not 
remain  at  home — though  he  had  one  so  ex- 
cellent. He  descended  from  the  skies  "to 
wretched  man." 

I  have  sometimes  wished  our  churches  would 
make  it  a  business  to  employ  one  or  more 
missionaries  of  this  kind — lay  missionaries  I 
might  call  them — and  set  them  to  doing  just 
such  work  as  our  Saviour  would  do  in  the  same 
circumstances.  It  would  be  of  incalculable 
value  to  them  as  a  means  of  saving  both  souls 
and  bodies. 

But  you  need  not  v/aii  for  any  appointment 
of  this  sort.  You  have  a  commission  from  the 
great  Head  of  the  Church  already,  as  every 
woman  has..     If  you  know  of  any  who  are 


PULLING    O'JT    OF    THE    FIRE.  239 

miserable,  or  in  daily  and  hourly  danger  of 
becoming  so,  within  your  reach,  you  can  visit 
and  do  something  for  them.  At  least,  you  can 
make  the  attempt,  and  that  is  worth  something. 

It  may  be  well  for  you,  before  you  set  out, 
to  read  the  latter  part  of  the  twenty-fifth  chap- 
ter of  Matthew.  Observe,  while  you  read  it, 
that  though  you  are  not  to  be  rewarded  for 
your  works,  yet  the  award  is  to  be  in  a  pro- 
portion to  their  magnitude.  Your  reward  is 
according  to  your  works ;  and  so  is  that  of 
every  other  disciple. 

Observe,  moreover,  what  it  is  which  consti- 
tutes a  disciple.  It  is  not  saying  Lord,  Lord. 
It  is  not  holding  an  orthodox  creed.  It  is  not 
belonging  to  an  orthodox  church.  All  this 
may  mdeed  be  well ;  but  it  goes  for  nothing 
alone.  There  is  hunger  to  be  appeased — of 
body  or  soul.  There  is  thirst  to  be  allayed. 
There  are  strangers  to  be  taken  in,  or  in  some 
way  aided.  There  are  bodies  or  souls,  or  both 
of  them,  to  be  clothed.  There  may  also  be 
the  sick  or  the  prisoner  to  relieve. 

How  is  it  possible  for  an  individual,  who 
reads  this  chapter,  and  believes  it  to  be  the 


240 


GIFT    BOOK    FOPw    YOUNG   LADIES. 


word  of  God,  to  feel  as  if  there  was  nothing 
for  her  to  do  ?  But  I  forget  that  I  am  talking 
to  you  just  now,  of  a  particular  kind  of  doing 
good,  which  I  have  called  pulling  out  of  the 
fire. 

Are  there,  then,  no  public  houses,  within 
half  a  dozen  or  a  dozen  miles  of  your  dwelling, 
where  vice  is  daily  and  hourly  putting  forth, 
or  at  least  germinating?  Are  there  no  mil- 
liners' shops,  bonnet  factories,  or  other  places 
where  large  numbers  of  persons  are  assembled, 
especially  of  your  own  sex  ?  Are  there  no 
haunts  of  vice  to  which  you  can  gain  access, 
by  person,  by  letter,  or  by  proxy  ? 

Need  I  say  to  you,  who  have  seen  some- 
thing of  the  world  and  read  of  much  more, 
that  a  vast  deal  of  good  may  be  done,  at 
almost  any  of  those  places?  It  would  be 
needful  to  some  young  women,  however,  for 
me  to  say  that  it  ought  to  be  done  in  a  proper 
manner.  In  this  world,  much  depends  on  the 
manner  in  which  we  do  things,  especially 
things  of  the  kind  now  referred  to. 

Some  of  the  individuals  to  whom  you  would 
do  good,  though  gradually  becoming  abandoned, 


PULLING    OUT    OP    THE    FIRE.  241 

may  not  have  lost  all  self-respect.  They  must 
therefore  be  met,  and  treated  accordingly.  For 
if,  on  the  contrary,  you  criminate  them  at  the 
outset,  and  above  all,  in  the  company  of  others, 
you  will  be  almost  certain  to  defeat  your  own 
purpose. 

Indeed,  one  reason  why  so  many  young 
women,  at  "  places  !'  and  in  factories,  become 
shameless,  is  because  they  first  lose  their  self- 
respect.  They  then  begin  to  think  no  one  else 
cares  for  them ;  and  hence  their  progress  is  easy 
to  a  condition  in  which  they  care  for  nobody, 
or  for  themselves  either. 

Now  there  is  often  a  period,  in  the  history  of 
all  such  young  women,  when,  notwithstanding 
their  great  want  of  self-restraint  and  self-gov- 
ernment, and  the  ill  effects  of  a  most  perverted 
education,  a  word  of  sympathy  from  some  in- 
dividual whom  they  respect,  might  save  them 
from  sinking.  How  much  is  it  not  worth  to 
be  the  honored  instrument  of  saving  a  fellow- 
creature  at  such  a  crisis  ! 

A  young  man,  whom  I  knew  in  Virginia,  hav- 
mg  been  the  instrument  of  saving  a  drowning 
companion  at  Williamsburg,  was  in  the  almost 


242  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

daily  habit  of  relatiiig  the  story,  to  every  friend 
he  met  with,  for  a  long  time.  It  was  a  great 
thing  to  him.  And  who  would  undervalue 
such  a  deed?  But  how  much  more  impor- 
tant is  it,  to  save  a  soul  from  sinking  in  a  worse 
gulf  than  the  bed  of  James  river  ? 

I  am  fully  persuaded  that  if  you  keep  your 
eyes  open,  as  you  pass  through  the  world,  you 
will  have  many  an  opportunity  to  pull  from 
the  fire  beings  made  in  the  image  of  God,  but 
sadly  misled  either  by  their  own  sex  or  ours, . 
or  both.  And  remember  still,  that  she  who 
converteth  a  sinner  from  the  error  of  her  ways, 
shall  save  a  soul  from  death,  and  hide  a  mul- 
titude of  sins. 

Young  women  are  apt  to  be  timid,  in  rela- 
tion to  this  matter.  They  are  fearful  about 
their  own  good  name.  They  will,  perhaps, 
point  us  to  JMcDowell,  and  tell  us  gravely, 
that  if  that  eminent  man  of  God,  pure  as  he 
was,  could  not  rise  above  reproach,  there  is 
surely  but  little  hope  that  young  women  liKe 
themselves  crai. 

But  have  you  not  read  of  the  boldness  of 
our  Saviour  in  this  particular  ?  Did  he  refuse  to 


PULLING    GUT    OF    THE    FIRE.  243 

liold  converse,  though  a  Jew,  with  the  woman 
at  the  well  of  Samaria  ?  Or  what  may  seem 
to  you  to  be  more  to  the  point,  have  you  not 
read  the  life  of  Margaret  Prior  of  New- York  ? 
And  have  you  not  heard  of  Mrs.  MeFarlin 
of  New  Bedford  ?  These  persons  have  gone 
through  years — and  one  of  them  through  life — 
unscathed  and  unhurt  Besides,  times  have 
altered  since  the  days  of  McDowell.  You 
fear  personal  abuse,  it  m^ay  be,  and  even 
violence.  But  I  do  not  think  it  need  be  so. 
Females  generally  pursue  their  errand  by  day- 
light, when  rogues  are  apt  to  be  cowardly. 
Besides,  there  is  not  one  man  in  a  thousand 
who  will  have  the  hardihood  to  insult  an 
ho-nest  straight-forward  missionary,  of  any  age 
or  of  either  sex. 

In  truth,  there  is  something  in  the  combina- 
tion of  female  boldness  and  innocence,  that 
tends  to  disarm  almost  any  man  of  guilty 
purposes,  the  seducer  himself  not  excepted. 
This  truth  has  been  abundantly  attested  in 
every  period  of  the  world's  history. 

Suppose,  however,  you  should  suffer.  Sup- 
pose you  should  even  die.     Would  not  the  old 


244  GIFT   BOOK   FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

proverb  be  verified  in  yonr  case — that  "  the 
blood  of  martyrs  is  the  seed  of  the  church  ? 
Would  not  the  cause  of  truth  receive  a  mighty 
impulse  from  such  a  sacrifice  ? 


7JJ 


CHAPTEE  XXY. 

PULLING    OUT    OF   THE    FIRE. 

There  are  many  ways  in  which  you  maybe, 
directly  or  indirectly,  instrumental  in  plucking 
brands  from  the  burning  ;  or  as  I  have  called 
itj  in  my  last  letter,  pulling  souls  and  bodies 
out  of  the  fire.  For  there  are  several  ways, 
in  which,  to  use  the  strong  language  of  in- 
spiration, we  may  be  set  on  fire.  Half  mankind 
are  exposed  to  destruction,  ere  they  reach  life's 
quiet  autumnal  evenings  and  fireside  reflec- 
tions. 

It  may  be  thought  useless  to  dwell  on  the 
means  and  measures  of  plucking  from  the  fires 
of  alcohol ;  because  the  subject  has  been  Jong 
before  the  public.  Besides,  what  has  a  young 
woman  to  do,  you  will  naturally  ask,  with 
reclaiming  the  intemperate  ? 

I  will  tell  you  of  some  things  which  may  be 


246  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

done  by  women,  whether  young  or  old ;  as 
well  as  of  certain  other  things  which  young 
women  may  do,. better  than  their  seniors. 

Women,  young  or  old,  may  search  for  fami- 
lies who  are  in  want,  on  account  of  intemper- 
ance in  one  or  both  their  heads ;  and  having 
ascertained  their  real  wants,  they  may  go  to 
the  authors  of  those  wants,  and  ask  them  to 
supply  them. 

Thus,  suppose  you  know  of  an  intemperate 
family  in  the  township  where  you  reside.  You 
pay  them  a  visit.  The  father  is  not  at  home. 
His  wife  and  children  are  all  there,  clad  indeed, 
but  with  rags;  and  fed,  but  very  scantily. 
The  school-house  is  near  by,  but  the  children 
do  not  attend ;  the  church  is  not  far  oif,  but  they 
are  never  at  the  Sabbath  school.  The  plea  is, 
they  have  nothing  decent  to  wear. 

You  inquire  for  the  father ;  but  all  you  can 
learn  is  that  the  times  are  hard,  and  he  cannot 
get  work.  On  inquiry  elsewhere,  you  learn 
that  he  divides  his  time  between  the  tavern 
and  a  couple  of  stores,  one  of  which,  as  you 
verily  believe,  is  as  much  at  fault,  or  nearly  as 
much,  as  the  tavern, 


PULLING    OUT    OF    Tlii:    FIJIE.  247 

NoWj  what  will  you  do  ?  You  have  not 
money  to  furnish  clothing  for  the  family.  Be- 
sides, what  permanent  good  would  it  do  ?  You 
cannot  hope  to  do  much  good  by  reasoning 
with  the  intemperate  themselves.  Go,  then, 
with  boldness,  yet  with  kindness,  and  lay  the 
case  of  the  distressed  family  before  those  who 
furnish  the  liquor  which  causes  their  distress, 
and  tell  them  they  are  the  authors  of  their  mis- 
eries. Go  to  them  as  privately  as  possible, 
however ;  having  with  you  a  single  friend  only, 
as  an  evidence  as  well  as  a  safeguard. 

But  you  need  not  fear.  The  moment  you 
tell  them  what  they  ought  to  do,  conscience, 
if  they  have  any,  will  be  on  your  side ;  and 
they  will  seldom  refuse  your  request.  They 
will  give  something  to  get  rid  of  you.  In  cer- 
tain cases,  which  I  am  not  at  liberty  to  mention, 
keepers  of  public  houses,  who  were  almost 
without  consciences,  have  given  liberally,  espe- 
cially at  the  request  of  woman, 

I  know  of  nothing  more  likely  to  move  the 
hearts  of  these  individuals  who  scatter  fire- 
brands and  death  in  the  community,  and  lead 
them  to  pause  in  their  mad  career,  than  the 


248  GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOUNG   LADIES. 

tears  and  entreaties  of  a  female  missionary. 
She  need  not  reproach  them  with  intentional 
wrong-doing ;  she  may  simply  state  facts.  The 
distressed  family  is  out  of  wood,  —  shoes, — 
clothing, — or  bread.  State  their  necessity  in 
strong  terms,  and  the  cause  of  it ;  and  though 
the  individual  whom  you  address  may  deny 
that  he  has  any  participation  in  the  crime,  he 
will,  as  I  have  already  said,  put  his  hand  in  his 
pocket. 

When  you  plead  the  necessity  of  education, 
moral  and  intellectual,  and  ask  for  the  means 
of  sending  the  children  to  school,  your  case 
will  be  more  trying.  But  even  in  this  particu- 
lar you  cannot,  if  importunate,  fail  to  be  success- 
ful. Though  they  may  not  give  you  because 
they  care  for  you,  or  those  whom  they  have 
made  miserable,  yet  because  of  your  impor- 
tunity, sometimes  they  will  have  pity  on  their 
children. 

All  this,  I  say,  you  may  be,  and  much  more, 
whatever  may  be  your  condition  in  life,  and 
whether  you  have  any  other  than  an  Almighty 
arm  to  lean  upon,  or  not.  The  righteous,  says 
Solomon,  are  bold  as  a  lion.     They  have  at 


PULLING  OUT  OF  THE  FIRE.     219 

least  a  friend  in  the  heavens.  But  there  are 
some  things  which  you  can  better  do,  in  the 
capacity  of  a  young  woman,  than  if  you  were 
in  conjugal  hfe. 

No  young  man  becomes  grossly  intemperate 
in  a  moment.  He  usually  falls  by  Httle  and 
little.  The  drunken  father  of  a  family  was 
once  a  temperate  young  man.  He  may  have 
been  fond  of  excitement  —  unnatural  excite- 
ment,  I  mean ; — no  doubt  he  was  so.  Plain 
water  and  plain  food  were  doubtless  insipid  to 
him.  He  was  fond  of  high-seasoned  food, 
and  of  hot  and  high-seasoned  drinks.  He  was 
fond  of  hot  tea  and  strong  coffee  ;  of  beer  and 
champagne,  and  of  the  pipe  and  the  cigar. 
From,  these,  in  the  aggregate — nay,  from  any 
two  of  them — the  transition  was  easy  to  the 
love  of  rum  and  brandy  ;  and  from  the  occa- 
sional use  of  them,  in  moderation  only,  if  such 
a  thing  there  is,  the  transition  was  easy  to  im- 
moderate drinking  and  habitual  excess. 

Now  the  female  companion  of  every  drunken 
husband  has  probably  received  the  visits,  during 
her  lifetime,  of  one  or  more  young  men  who 
were  on  this  high  road  to  drunkenness.    They 


250  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUXG   LADIES 

used  some  of  the  unnatural  excitants  above 
mentioned,  and  were  more  or  less  enslaved  to 
them  ;  and  she  probably  knew  it.  True,  she 
may  not  have  been  taught  concerning  the  con- 
nection between  them ;  but  this,  though  it  does 
not  lessen  her-  misfortune,  extenuates  her  fault. 

Instead  then  of  going  abroad  to  pluck  from 
the  burning,  you  may  often  do  your  work  quite 
as  effectually  at  home,  or  in  the  circle  of  your 
particular  friends.  For  in  all  these  circles,  or 
at  least  in  most  of  them,  you  will  meet  with 
more  or  fewer  young  men. 

I  have  said  that  you  may  perform  your  mis- 
sionary work  as  efiectually  at  home  as  abroau 
This  statement  is  not  strong  enough.  If  the 
old  maxim  is  true  that  prevention  is  better  than 
cure,  and  if  young  men,  in  general,  are  liable 
to  become  diseased,  then  you  can  work  more 
effectually  in  a  home  sphere,  than  in  a  more 
public  one. 

Your  sex  do  not  seem  to  be  at  all  aware  of 
the  immense  influence  they  might  exert  in  the 
cause  of  temperance,  if  they  would  but  sei 
their  faces  as  a  flint  against  all  the  habitf 
which  lead  to  it. 


PULLING  OUT  OF  THE  FIRE.     251 

And  why  will  they  not  do  it  ?  Why  will 
not  every  young  woman  make  manifest  to 
every  young  man,  unless  he  is  an  entire  stran-" 
ger,  her  disapprobation  of  the  use  of  tobacco 
and  other  excitants,  such  as  those  I  mentioned 
above  ?  And,  if  necessary,  after  repeated  gen- 
tle admonitions,  why  should  she  not  refuse  to 
remain  in  his  society  1 

One  might  think  no  woman  of  delicacy, 
young  or  old,  would  need  cautioning  on  this 
subject.  How  can  she  endure  the  sight  of 
teeth  and  gums  besmeared  and  discolored  with 
tobacco  juice  ?  How  can  she  bear  to  inhale 
the  fumes  of  this  poisonous  weed,  lodged  in  the 
clothes  of  the  individual,  or  it  may  be  issuing 
from  his  saturated  system  through  the  lungs  ? 
How  can  she  endure  the  smell  of  alcoholic 
liquors,  after  they  have  passed  all  over  the 
body,  and  are  being  driven  out  through  the  air 
cells  of  the  lungs  and  the  pores  of  the  skin  ? 
How  can  woman,  with  her  purer  blood,  put 
up  with  the  bloated  frame  and  reddened  eyes 
induced  by  coffee,  champagne,  and  other  alco- 
hoMc  or  poisonous  liquors  ? 

There  is  one  answer  to  these  queries,  which 


252  GIFT  BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

I  wish  the  truth  did  not  permit  me  to  make. 
Not  that  the  remark  will  apply  to  you,  for  I 
know  better ;  but  it  will  apply  to  many  of 
your  sex.  Pure  as  their  blood  and  breath  are, 
they  are  both  far  less  pure  than  they  might  be, 
and  would  be,  if  they  did  not  use  any  poisonous 
or  medicated  substances  themselves. 

And  herein,  my  dear  friend,  is,  I  fear,  the 
true  reason  why  young  women  are  so  inef- 
ficient in  the  cause  of  temperance ;  they  are 
not  quite  temperate  themselves.  They  cannot 
Uve  —  or  fancy  they  cannot  —  without  extra 
stimulants,  at  least  a  little  tea  or  coffee.  No 
wonder,  then,  they  do  not  refuse  the  company 
of  those  who  are  only  a  little  more  intemperate, 
and  a  little  mere  disgustingly  filthy  in  their 
habits,  than  themselves. 

IjCt  young  women,  then,  who  would  do  aL 
m  their  power  to  promote  the  cause  of  temper- 
ance, not  only  by  pulling  out  of  the  fije,  but  by 
preventing  their  fellovz-creatures  from  falling 
into  it,  gird  themselves  anew  by  a  more  con- 
sistent and  more  perfect  example.  Let  their 
light  so  shine  that  they  and  their  companions, 
friends  and  associates,  of  both  sexes,  may  be 


PULLING    OUT    OF    THE    FIRE.  253 

led  to  glorify  their  Father  who  is  in  Heaven. 
Let  them  touch  not  the  unclean  or  poisonous 
thing,  and  let  them,  by  their  example,  dissuade 
all  others  from  it,  that  they  may  become  tho 
sons  and  daughters  of  the  Lord  Almighty. 


m 


CHAPTEK  XXYI. 

ASSOCIATED    EFFORT. 

I  HAVE  hitherto  spoken  of  the  good  you  may 
do  alone.  I  have  indeed  given  you  directions. 
in  regard  to  friendship  and  the  qualifications 
of  friendship ;  but  m  all,  or  nearly  all  I  have 
said  on  that  subject,  I  have  continually  been 
thinking  of  your  own  usefulness,  and  not  of 
any  direct  aid  you  were  to  receive,  or  might 
hope  to  receive  from  others. 

But  I  must  go  a  little  further  now;  not 
so  much  to  speak  of  what  you  can  do  as  a 
wife,  a  mother,  and  a  housekeeper — for  of  your 
duties  in  these  various  relations  I  have  treated 
elsev^^here  pretty  freely* — as  to  say  something 

*  See  the  "  Young  Wife,"  the  "  Young  Mother,"  the 
"  Young  Housekeepers,"  published  by  Messrs.  Strong  and 
Brodhead,  Boston, 


ASSOCIATED    EFFORT.  255 

of  the  numerous  associations  of  the  present 
day,  into  whose  ranks — some  of  them — you 
Avill  be  hkely  to  fall. 

For  the  friends  of  the  Maternal  Association 
will  expect  you  to  join'  them.  Of  the  Sewing 
Circle,  you  must,  of  course,  be  a  member.  The 
Moral  Reform  Society  will  expect^^you  to  be 
one  of  their  members.  The  Female  Society 
for  Promoting  Education  in  the  West  will  put 
in  its  claims,  l^hen  you  are  also  expected  to 
be  a  member  of  the  Peace  Society,  the  Tem- 
perance Society,  the  Tract  Society,  the  Bible 
Society,  the  Foreign  Mission  Society,  the  Anti- 
Slavery  Society,  and  perchance  the  Sabbath 
School  Society,  and  the  Society  for  the  Ame- 
liorating the  condition  of  the  Jews. 

Here,  surely,  you  have  an  opportunity  to  do 
something  in  a  missionary  capacity;  for  not 
only  do  these  various  associations  have  their 
agents,  but  in  many  instances,  they  are,  by 
virtue  of  their  constitution,  or  the  nature  of  the 
case,  agents  themselves. 

Thus,  suppose  you  are  a  member  of  the  Sew- 
ing Circle.  Not  only  do  you  give  of  your  sub- 
stance— money,  or  clothing,  -or  books — to  some 


# 


256  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    YOrXO   LADIES. 

charitable  purpose,  but  you  are  expected  to 
meet  with  your  associates  occasionally,  and 
spend  an  afternoon,  or  a  longer  period,  in  labor- 
ing in  behalf  of  the  same  charitable  objects. 

Or  suppose  you  have  rniited  with  the  Moral 
Heform  Society.  We  have  seen,  in  previous 
letters,  what  can  be  done  by  somebody,  in  the 
way  of  "  pulling  out  of  the  iire  ;"  and  nobody 
can  do  such  work  more  efficiently  than  the 
members  of  this  Society.  Few  persons  in  any 
age,  have  been  more  truly  missionaries  than 
Margaret  Prior.* 

But  there  is  a  work  to  do,  m  this  direction, 
to  which  I  have,  as  yet  scarcely  adverted ;  but 
which  none  I  am  sure  can  better  do  than  yonng 
women.  Society  is  full,  as  it  were,  of  the 
sources  of  impurity.  They  are  found,  too 
often,  where  we  should  little  expect  them,  and 
in  such  shapes  that  we  scarcely  perceive  their 
real,  legitimate  tendency. 

Your  situation  I  am  well  aware  is,  in  this 
respect,  peculiarly  favorable.      Still  you  will 

*  See  "'"Walks  of  Usefulness,"  published  by  the  American 
Moral  Reform  Society  in  New-Vork. 


ASSOCIATED    EFFORT.  257 

frequently  come  in  contact  with  these  fountains 
of  pollution.  There  will  be  the  innuendo  ;  the 
vulgar  remark ;  the  double-entendre ;  or  at 
I'^ast  there  will  be  the  amorous  look  or  action. 
There  will  be  perhaps  some  effort  on  the  part 
of  somebody,  in  your  presence,  to  blunt  the 
keen  edge  of  female  sensibility,  or  loosen  the 
reins  of  woman's  natural  modesty. 

Now,  whether  the  attack  is  made  on  you,  or 
on  some  other  person,  I  hope  you  will  repel  it 
m  a  becoming  spirit  and  manner.  It  is  even 
more  necessary  that  you  should  act  in  this  case 
when  the  abuse  is  directed  to  another  person, 
than  when  it  is  directed  to  yourself  For  while 
m  the  latter  case,  you  may  reasonably  enough  be 
silent,  in  the  former  you  are  bound  to  step  forth 
as  the  defender  of  female  purity  and  innocence ; 
especially  when  the  persons  likely  to  sustain 
injury  are  much  younger  than  yourself 

I  have  said,  in  a  former  letter,  that  we 
usually  fall  little  by  little.  It  is  so  with  wo- 
man, as  well  as  with  man.  Shun  then,  as  you 
would  the  pestilence,  the  incipient  stage  of 
seduction,  by  shunning  the  individual  who  is 
the  cause  of  it.      In  this  way,  and  in  other 


» 


258  GIFT    BOOK   FOIt    YOUNG    LADIES. 

ways,  can  you  do  more  for  the  cause  of  reform 
and  moral  purity — very  much  more — than  in 
any  other.  The  reason  is,  that  this  important 
field  of  missionary  labor — though  white  for  the 
harvest — is  generally  overlooked. 

You  are  a  member,  as  I  happen  to  know, 
of  a  Temperance  Society ;  and  have  pledged 
yourself  to  the  disuse  of  all  intoxicating  liquors. 
Very  well.  But  is  there  nothing  more  for  you, 
as  a  female  missionary,  to  do  ?  AVliat  is  your 
example  in  regard  to  the  use  of  small  beer,  tea, 
coffee,  &c,  ? 

Or  if  your  example  is  faultless,  do  you  rest 
there,  and  suppose  your  work  all  done  ?  Or 
do  you  carry  the  war  into  the  enemy's  terri- 
tory ?  Or  do  you  refuse  to  mingle  in  society, 
on  convivial  and  other  occasions,  where  the 
thousand  and  one  streams  of  intemperance  are 
slowly  fed  ? 

But  I  will  not  dwell  on  this  topic,  for  I  have 
said  enough  elsewhere.  Besides,  you  know 
how  this  matter  stands,  and  in  this  respect  at 
least  need  not  counsel.  Happy  are  they  who 
know  the  will  of  God  and  do  it. 

I  might  speak  of  the  many  ways  of  actmg 


ASSOCIATED    EFFORT.  259 

out  the  missionary,  as  a  member  of  a  Peace 
Society,  or  as  a  signer  of  the  league  of  Brother- 
hood. And  so  of  your  duties  in  relation  to  the 
missionary  enterprises  of  the  day,  and  the  or- 
ganizations and  efforts  for  the  abolition  of 
slavery.  But  I  must  close  this  letter  soon,  and 
have  therefore  no  room  for  the  present. 

Remember,  however,  one  general  rule.  It  is 
that  you  do  much  good,  when  you  only  pre- 
vent the  commission  of  evil.  To  illustrate. 
Suppose  you  are  in  the  Sewing  Circle.  The 
conversation  runs  into  detraction  or  slander. 
Or  you  discover  its  tendency,  perhaps,  suffi- 
ciently early  to  check  it.  Now,  in  preventing 
a  current  of  slander,  do  you  not  indirectly  aid 
the  cause  of  justice,  truth,  and  righteousness  ? 
Most  certainly  you  do. 

In  like  manner,  whenever  the  conversation 
takes  a  course  which  is  likely  to  tend  towards 
the  indulgence  of  those  feelings,  or  those  pas- 
sions, or  habits,  which  favor  vice  in  any  of  its 
forms,  you  may  often  do  much  good,  either  by 
silence,  or  by  kind  and  gentle  rebuke.  Or 
oftener  still,  by  turning  the  current  into  another 
channel. 


260  GIFT   BOOK    FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

And  hence  the  blessedness  of  those  associa- 
tions, which  some  aftect  to  despise — especially 
to  woman.  Even  at  the  head  of  a  large  family, 
woman  is  often  isolated.  At  least  she  comes 
short  of  all  the  good  she  might  accomplish.  I 
like,  therefore,  the  Maternal  Association — the 
Sewing  Circle — the  Moral  Reform  Society,  <fec. 
And  yet  I  shall  speak  in  my  next  of  an  as- 
sociation, which,  if  it  did  its  perfect  work, 
might  almost  be  a  substitute  for  many  to  which 
I  have  in  this  long  communication  alluded. 


CHAPTER  XXYH. 

CHURCH  AND  SABBATH  SCHOOL.   ; 

Your  love  and  zeal  for  the  Sabbath  Schoo, 
have  long  been  manifest.  In  this  respect,  at 
least,  you  have  suited  the  action  to  the  word, 
as  Shakspeare  says. 

And  well  you  may  do  it.  The  Sabbath  is 
one  of  those  institutions  which  have  not  only 
grown  out  of  the  prevalence  of  the  Gospel 
spirit,  but  which  mark  its  progress.  •  They 
prove  to  the  world,  beyond  the  possibility  of 
debate,  that  it  is  more  blessed  to  give  than  to 
receive. 

You,  I  doubt  not,  have  verified  the  truth  of 
this  maxim  in  the  growth  of  piety  in  your 
own  soul,  as  the  consequence  of  your  labors 
with  Sabbath  School  children.  You  have 
found  that  they  who  water  others  shall  them- 
selves be  watered,  . 
•12 


262  GIFT   BOOS    FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

The  Sabbath  Schoo-l  is  a  part  of  the  church. 
It  is  notj  strictly  speakings  a  separate  organ- 
ization. In  binding  yourself,  therefore,  as  a 
church  member,  you  not  only  bind  yourself  to 
the  church,  as  a  body  of  adults,  but  to  the 
whole  mass  of  families  represented  by  the 
members  of  that  church. 

I  regard  the  church  of  Christ  as  a  company 
of  penitent  sinners,  collected  together,  in  the 
providence,  and  by  the  appointment  of  God, 
for  promoting  their  own  spiritual  growth,  and 
for  extendmg  the  same  spirituality  to  others. 
They  are  a  collection  of  Pauls — only,  it  may 
be  with  less  of  intellectual  cultivation.  They, 
have  not  all  sat  at  the  feet  of  Gamaliel. 

And  yet  I  never  make  this  concession  with- 
out many  misgivings  }  for  we  are  quite  ready 
enoughj  without  it,  to  apologize  for  our  own 
neglect  of  dut^^  Tlie  truth  is,  I  do  not  know 
that  it  is  beyond  the  poAver,of  any  individual 
of  our  times,  who  is  endowed  with  an  average 
share  of  good  sense  and  intelligence,  to  do  as 
much  as  Paul  did,  excepting  always  and  of 
course  what  he  did  under  the  influence  of  in- 
spiration. 


CQURCH    AND    SABBATH    cJCHOOL.        263 

But  if  not,  the  church  ought  to  understand 
the  matter  in  this  hght.  If  with  the  know- 
ledge and  muhiphed  facihties  of  modern  times, 
every  individual  Christian  is  not  only  as  truly 
a  divinely  appointed  missionary  as  Paul  was, 
except  to  write  epistles  and  work  miracles,  (and 
is  there  any  one  who  will  deny  this  doctrine?) 
then  we  ought  so  to  understand  it ;  and  to  feel, 
as  truly  as  he  did,  "  Woe  is  me  if  I  preach  not 
the  Gospel."     '  ^ 

You  ought,  my  dear  friend,  to  feel  thus.  And 
if,  as  the  result,  you  should  feel  as  Paul  did, 
that  it  is  your  duty  to  make  proclamation  of 
the  Gospel,  in  all  the  countries  of  the  known 
world,  I  do  not  know  that  I  should  have  eithe . 
the  right  or  the  disposition  to  complain.  The 
truth  is,  I  wonder  that  every  church  member, 
not  over  40  years  of  age — male  or  female- 
does  not  feel  ihus. 

True  it  is  that  if,  in  the  ardor  of  your  firs : 
conviction  and  first  love,  you  should  feel  dis- 
posed to  become  a  public  proclaimer  or  crier 
of  the  Gospel — if^  like  Frances  Wright  Darus- 
mont,  you  should  be  disposed  to  mount  the 
rostrum — I  might  endeavor  to  argue  the  poiuv 


264  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOUNG    LADIES.^ 

with  you,  whether  your  zeal  had  not  led  you 
in  a  wrong  direction. 

I  might  endeavor  to  show  you  the  impor- 
tance and  necessity  of  beginning  your  work  at 
''  Jerusalem."  I  might  endeavor  to  show  you 
that  all  the  signs  of  the  times  unite  to  indicate 
that  the  family  and  the  church  ought  first  to 
be  converted  to  God,  and  duly  sanctified  ;  and 
that  here,  in  this  great  work,  we  need  not 
merely  a  Paul  but  a  host  of  Pauls  ;  and  if  an- 
gel, cherub,  or  seraph  have  any  thing  to  do  with 
the  Christian  scheme,  a  host  of  Gabriels  and 
Michaels  and  Raphaels. 

I  might  beseech  you — and  [  do  now  make 
the  earnest  entreaty — to  remember  that  the 
most  important  as  well  as  most  difficult  mis- 
sionary field  of  modern  times,  is  the  home  mis- 
sionary field  ; — I  mean  now  the  family  and  the 
church,  with  their  several  appendages — the  pub- 
lic or  common  school,  and  the  Sabbath  school. 
1  might  prove,  or  at  least  attempt  to  prove, 
that  to  be  a  missionary,  such  a  missionary  as 
Paul  was,  is  not  only  a  work  of  paramount 
importance,  but  one  which  involves  of  necessity 


CHURCH    AND    SABBATH    SCHOOL.        265 

as  great  self-denial  as  any  known  missionary 
duty  whatever. 

The  Sabbath  school,  indeed,  is  not  all  you 
have  to  do  with  ;  for,  as  I  have  just  now  inti- 
mated, the  public  or  common  school  bears 
about  the  same  relation  to  the  family  which 
the  Sabbath  school  does  to.  the  church.  And 
as  surely  as  the  world  is  yet  to  be  converted  to 
Christianity — such  a  Christianity  as  is  worthy 
of  the  name — just  so  su'-ely  is  it  trucj  that,  on 
all  these,  v/e  must  labor  to  write  Holiness  to 
the  Lord. 

Every  child,  within  what  might  be  called 
the  pale  of  every  Christian  church,  must  be 
properly  and  religiously  educated.  To  this  the 
church  is  bound  collectively.  But  what  the 
church  is,  collectively,  bound  to  do,  must  be 
done  by  the  members  of  the  church.  They 
«re,  in  fact,  the  church. 

Now  then,  I  trust,  you  v/ill  go  to  your  Sab- 
bath school  class,  not  only  on  the  Sabbath,  but 
at  your  visits  on  week  day,  as  a  missionary  of 
the  cross  of  Christ.  You  will  go  to  them  with 
the  same  spirit  and  zeal  which  Paul  would 


26b  GIFT   BOOK    FOR    YOUXG    LADIES. 

manifest ;  or  higher  still,  you  will  go  to  them 
with  the  spirit  and  zeal  and  love  with  Avhich 
the  teachings  of  the  Saviour  would  be  invested 
in  the  same  circumstances. 

One  thing,  in  particular,  I  beg  you  to  re- 
member. It  is  your  involuntary  influence,  as 
a  missionary.  Your  voluntary  or  willing  in- 
fluence— all  that  makes  a  faithful  and  ener- 
getic Sabbath  school  teacher  in  the  Sabbath 
school — you  will  be  apt  enough  to  think  of. 
But  what  your  influence  shall  be  the  rest  of 
the  time — when,  though  the  sharp  eyes  of  the 
pupils  are  upon  you,  you  think  not  much  about 
it,  and  are  apt  to  teach  the  maxims  and  incul- 
cate the  spirit  of  the  Avorld  rather  than  that  of 
Christ  —  you  are  not  so  careful  to  consider. 
Yet  it  is  this  last  which  teaches,  impresses, 
educates,  forms  the  character — for  time  and  for 
eternity — more,  much  more,  than  all  the  wil- 
ling, voluntary  mfluence  you  exert. 


CHAPTER  XXYIIL 

TRUTH,  JUSTICE,   AND    MERCY. 

There  is  such  a  general  laxity  in  the  public 
morals  of  all  countries,  that  to  single  out  any 
particular  country  as  sinning  above  the  rest- 
especially  our  own  goodly  New  England — 
might  seem  invidious ;  indeed  I  am  not  dis- 
posed to  do  so.  And  yet  to  whom  much  is 
given  of  the  same  shall  much  be  required.  If 
New  England,  with  ail  her  privileges  and  with 
the  full  blaze  of  gospel  light  which  is  shed 
upon  her,  is  lax  in  her  morals,  sm'ely  she  needs 
to  be  cautioned. 

You,  then,  as  one  of  the  daughters  of  New 
England,  may  very  fairly  be  addressed  on  the 
subject.  There  are  many  vices  and  errors  of 
the  times  which  dem^and  our  attention ;  but 
I  propose  to  direct  your  attention,  just  now,  to 
abut  two  or  three. 


268  GIFT    BOOK    FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

And,  first,  the  general  disregard  of  truth 
which  prevails  ;  and  not  only  prevails,  but  in- 
creases. It  is  not  among  the  vicious  of  society 
alone,  that  truth  is  disregarded  ;  but  it  is  even 
among  our  best  families.  It  is  among  these 
who  would  be,  and  should  be,  pa.tterns  in  all 
moral  and  religious  excellence. 

In  saying  this,  however,  I  do  not  intend  to 
affirm  that  there  is  not  as  much  truth  told,,  in 
the  aggregate,  as  ever  there  was.  Indeed  I 
have  not  a  doubt  that  truth,  as  v/ell  as  false- 
hood, is  on  the  increase.  But  whether  truth 
increases  as  fast  as  falsehood  is  quite  another 
question. 

For  who  does  not  knov/,  that  with  the  in- 
crease of  civilization  and  the  arts — along  with 
the  multiplication  of  labor-saving  machinery — 
come  means  and  facilities  of  communication, 
by  tongue  and  pen  both — aye,  in  every  form  ? 
In  other  words,  the  greater  tiie  mental  ac- 
tivity of  society,  the  more  we  talk  and  write, 
the  more,  in  the  same  proportion,  do  we  hear, 
either  of  truth  or  falsehood. 

And  now  comes  the  difficulty.  The  more  we 
talk,  the  greater  the  temptation  to  talk  wrong— 


TRUTH,    JUSTICE    AND    MERCY.  269 

to  dissemble,  conceal,  misrepresent,  equivocate, 
and  actually  falsify.  David  said,  "all  men 
are  liars ;"  but  he  said  it,  as  he  acknowledges, 
in  haste.  A  hasty  man  might  say  so  now. 
All  seem  inclined  to  lie  ;  and  certain  it  is,  that 
what  is  said  by  most  people  must  be  received 
with  much  allowance  for  that  discoloration  to 
which  self  interest,  in  its  various  aspects,  might 
lead. 

Even  the  various  parties  and  sects  into  which 
society  is  broken  up  —  even  these  —  incline 
to  the  same  fault,  in  this  respect,  of  which 
their  various  members  are  often  guilty  !  How 
could  it  be  otherwise  ?  In  truth,  men  seem  pri- 
vileged to  lie  in  politics.  The  more  they  can 
misrepresent,  with  a  show  of  truth,  the  greater 
they  seem  to  think  their  prospect  of  success. 

But  when,  as  members  of  religious  sects, 

men  or  women  come  to  play  the  same  game,  it 

is,  in  its  results,  dreadful.     I  do  not  say  that 

sectarianism    is   always   reduced    to   a  mere 

game  ;  but  it  certainly  sometimes  is.    And  the 

consequences,  when  it  is  done,  can  never  bo 

too  much  deplored. 

Set  yourself.  Oh  set  yourself,  in  all  your 
12*  .         . 


270  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG-   LADIES. 

ways,  words  and  actions — at  home  and  abroad 
— i?i  life  and  in  death — against  every  form  of 
untruth.  Be  on  your  guard,  especially,  in 
what  are  usually  regarded  as  small  matters. 
Here,  if  nowhere  else,  be  the  faithful  mission- 
ary. At  least,  be  a  faithful  missionary  for 
trutli  in  your  own  family  and  among  yom-  own 
acquaintance. 

Another  filing  society  is  greatly  given  to  is 
fraud,  in  its  ten  thousand  shapes  and  forms — 
not  excepting  what  are  termed  pious  frauds. 
Here,  too,  great  care  is  demanded,  of  females 
especiahy.  Nor  will  the  evil  in  question  be 
removed,  wholly,  till  females  do,  in  earnest,  set 
themselves  about  it. 

I  will  even  hazard  the  assertion,  that  neither 
fraud  nor  falsehood  will  greatly  diminish  among 
us,  till  the  female  world — I  mean  the  female 
Christian  world — set  the  example  of  diminish- 
ing it.  Men  v/iil  defraud  and  deceive,  individ- 
ually and  socially,  as  long  as  women  connive 
at  it ;  na3^,  even  till  they  boldly  rebuke  it.  No 
young  woman  should  associate  long  with  a 
man  who  persists  in  being  fraudulent. 

One  thing  more  ;  and  that  is  mercy.     It  is 

...    .  .  '^^. 


TRUTH,    JUSTICE    AND    MERCY.  271 

often  said  that  cruelty  is  the  natural  associate 
—the  child  rather — of  idolatry.  But  in  remov- 
ing idolatry  from  among  us — if  indeed  we  have 
done  more  as  yet  than  to  change  the  form — ■ 
we  have  not,  as  it  appears,  removed  every  form 
and  vestige  of  cruelty.  The  germs  of  cruelty, 
to  say  nothing  more,  every  where  appear — 
well  for  US;  if  we  do  not  have  the  fruits.  In 
truth,  hoAV  could  it  be  otherwise  ? 

For  whence  come  Vv^ar  and  murder,  which 
still  linger  on  our  borders,  nay,  in  our  very 
midst?  Has  not  James  told  us  the  whole 
story,  eighteen  hundred  years  ago  ?  Did  wars 
and  fightings  on  a  large  scale  have  their  origin, 
at  that  time,  in  small  beginnings — in  pampered 
lusts  and  appetites — and  have  these  latter  no- 
thing to  do,  in  the  way  of  bringing  about  such 
results  at  the  present  time  ? 

You  may  depend  upon  it,  that  as  certainly 
as  human  nature  is  human  nature,  and  as  hu- 
man nature  is  the  same  now  in  all  its  essential 
features,  that  it  was  thousands  of  years  ago, 
all  the  larger  cruelties  of  mankind  have  their 
origin  in  the  cruelties  of  infancy  and  youth. 

And  over  these  cruelties,  especially  those  of 


272  GIFT    BOOK    FOR   YOUA'G    LADIES. 

the  cradle  and  play-ground,  your  own  sex,  as 
sisters,  daughters  or  mothers,  have  very  large 
control.  Or  if  you  cannot  do  every  thing,  you 
can  do  a  great  deal.  You  can,  at  least,  t?  y  to 
do.  You  have  found  yourself  able  to  accom- 
plish much,  with  your  associates  in  the  family. 
You  have  had  influence  with  some  of  those 
who  are  beyond  the  family ;  and  what  you 
have  done,  other  young  women  may  do,  and 
you  yourself  may  repeat,  and  increase. 

If  you  inquire  for  particulars,  my  reply  is, 
that  were  I  to  commence  the  subject  in  de- 
tail, I  should  be  obliged  to  fill  a  dozen  sheets 
instead  of  one  ;  and  this  I  cannot  possibly  do. 
A  few  brief  hints  must  suffice. 

You  have  heard  of  the  Roman  Emperor, 
who,  from  the  habit  of  sporting  with  the  lives 
of  flies,  went  on  till  he  took  a  similar  delight 
in  sporting  with  the  lives  of  men.  But  are 
there  no  fly-killers  within  the  circle  which 
Providence  has  assigned  you  ? 

Or  if  no  fly-killers  —  have  you  no  bird  or 
fi^h  or  snake-killers?  Of  course,  I  do  not  mean 
to  place  all  who  kill  in  the  same  category  ;  for 
to  one  of  these  species  of  murders  there  seems 


TRUTH,    JUSTICE    AND    MERCY.  273 

a  universal  license  given — I  mean,  now,  snake- 
killing.  But  do  not  most  of  the  young  kill 
snakes,  even,  in  the  spirit  of  war  and  murder? 
Does  one  in  ten  ever  kill  them  as  matter  of 
supposed  duty  ?  Does  one  in  ten,  when  they 
kill  them,  do  it  in  the  Christian  spirit  and  in 
mercy's  own  name  ? 

And  whatever  may  be  the  apology,  are 
not  most  of  the  animals  around  us,  whether 
slain  in  one  way  or  another — for  food  or  for 
defence — are  they  not  slain  for  sport  ?  Where 
is  the  boy  or  young  man  to  be  found  vdio 
hunts,  entraps,  fishes,  &c.,  for  any  better  reason 
— were  the  matter  closely  examined — than  be- 
cause it  is  an  amusement  to  him  ?  Where  is 
there  one  who  is  not  by  these  sports  developing 
and  cultivating  the  spirit  of  cruelty  ? 

But  need  I  tell  a  young  woman  of  your 
sense  and  experience,  that  all  this  is  war  and 
murder  in  the  bud  ?  Need  I  say  that  Avithout 
this  and  other  small  beginnings  which  I  could 
name,  neither  war  nor  murder — in  a  few  gen- 
erations more  —  could  be  entailed  upon  the 
world  ? 

You  belong,  it  may  be,  to  a  Peace  Society ; 


274  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES. 

or  if  you  do  not,  I  know  well  your  humane 
feelings  would  prompt  you  to  it,  if  you  had 
opportunity.  In  any  event  you  abhor  war, 
and  regard  it  as  decidedly  and  deeply  unchris- 
tian as  I  do  myself. 

But  what  could  you  do  as  the  member  of  a 
Peace  Society — nay,  what  can  all  the  peace 
societies  in  the  world  do — in  the  way  of  in- 
ducing a  v/arring  world  to  beat  its  swords  into 
ploughshares,  and  its  spears  into  pruning- 
hooks,  so  long  as  the  young  are  early  initiated 
— or  at  least  connived  at — in  their  bloody  prac- 
tices ?     What  could  a  cono^ress  of  nations  do, 


even 


Have  you  ever  smiled  on  these  juvenile  mur- 
derers ?  Have  you  ever  ate  the  fruit  of  their 
doings  ?  Have  you  ever  suffered  such  things 
to  pass  current,  in  your  missionary  circle,  unre- 
buked  ?  If  you  have,  be  entreated  to  do  it  no 
longer.  Paul  would  not.  John  would  not. 
Jesus  Christ  would  not.  But  a  word  to  tho, 
wise  must  be  sufficient. 


CHAPTEE  XXIX. 

LABORS    AMONG    THE    SICK. 

You  know  my  views  already  about  the  gen- 
eral duty  of  woman  in  relation  to  the  sick — 
that  it  consists  in  acting  the  part  of  the  nurse, 
without  intermeddling  with  the  duties  of  the 
physician. 

Were  life  long  enough  for  every  one  to  learn 
every  thing,  I  should  certainly  rejoice  to  have 
woman  understand  well  the  human  constitu 
tion,  and  the  nature  and  power  of  medicine. 
I  should  rejoice  -to  see  her,  in  this  respect,  a 
ministering  angel  in  her  own  neighborhood,  at 
least  in  her  own  family. 

But  it  is  not  so.  If  a  few  ca,n  study  the 
alphabet  of  those  great  sciences  I  have  just 
mentioned,  enough  at  least  to  enable  them  to 
feel  their  own  ignorance,  it  is  a  few  only.    The 


276  GIFT   BOOK   FOPw   YOUNG   LADIES. 

great  mass  of  both  sexes  have  something  else 
to  do.  There  are  few  Miss  Blackwells,  and  it 
will  be  so  for  years  to  come. 

Nursing,  with  the  sick,  I  grant  to  be  full  half 
of  what  is  to  be  done ;  and  sometimes  more 
than  half.  A  good  nurse,  without  a  physician 
and  without  medicines,  will  often  do  very  well 
alone ;  but  the  best  physician  in  the  world,  and 
the  best  medicines,  are  worth  nothing  at  all 
without  good  nursing — nay,  they  are  worse 
than  nothing. 

Now,  that  woman  is  pre-eminently  qualified 
for  the  work  of  attendance  on  the  sick,  and  for 
watching  over  them  by  night  and  by  day,  I 
suppose  none  will  deny.  And  hence  it  is  that 
in  a  world  where  sickness,  or  at  least  ill  health 
in  some  form  or  other,  has  become  almost  the 
general  rule  and  firm  health  the  exception  or 
nearly  so,  woman's  aid  is  most  imperiously 
demanded,  and  is  exceedingly  useful.  Here, 
above  all  yet  mentioned,  may  she  act  the  mis- 
sionary, and  here,  too,  is  missionary  labor  very 
much  needed. 

You  have  been  singularly  favored,  thus  far 
in  life ;  too  highly  favored — if  this  be  not  a 


LABORS    AMONG    THE    SICK.  277 

paradox — for  your  own  good.  You  hardly 
know  how  to  take  care  of  the  sick  when  called 
to  them.  Besides  this,  you  are  timid  and  fear- 
ful. You  lose  your  self-possession,  and  some- 
times become  wholly  unfit  for  the  discharge  of 
the  duties  which  devolve  upon  you. 

The  present  sickly  season  will  probably  place 
you  in  new  circumstances.  It  will  be  almost 
a  miracle  if  you  are  not  called  upon,  in  the 
divine  arrangements,  to  aid  in  half  a  dozen  or 
a  dozen  families.  Your  greater  maturity  than 
that  of  many  young  women,  will  lead  them  to 
suppose  you  are  by  so  much  the  better  quali- 
fied for  their  purpose. 

Receive  the  call  with  thankfulness,  rather 
than  regret,  should  it  be  made,  and  immediately 
obey  it.  Have  no  fear  of  danger,  except  from 
your  own  neglect.  There  is  seldom  any  just 
reason  for  supposing  a  disease  to  be  in  itself 
contagious.  Besides,  if  in  one  case  in  a  hun- 
dred or  a  thousand,  such  a  thing  as  contagion 
should  exist,  to  fear  it  would  be  the  best  course 
to  invite  it. 

You  need  not,  hoAvever,  in  avoiding  one  ex- 
treme, run  into  another — that  of  recklessness. 


278  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

You  must  take  care  of  yourself.  Obey  all  the 
laws  of  health  as  far  as  you  can.  Breathe 
pure  ah,  keep  clean,  eat  and  drink  with  the 
most  perfect  regularity,  retire  early  and  rise 
earl]^,  and  avoid  over-anxiety  and  fretfulness. 
Do  all  this,  I  mean,  as  far  as  the  nature  of  the 
circumstances  will  permit. 

I  say  as  far  as  you  are  permitted  by  circum- 
stances ;  for  it  often  happens  that  disease  falls 
upon  the  poor ;  and  it  still  oftener  happens  that 
they  are  the  persons  who  most  require  your 
services.  Their  sick  will  be  in  small  un venti- 
lated rooms  ;  and  they  will  be  without  a  great 
many  other  conveniences  which  the  laws  of 
health  would  indicate.  Occasionally,  too,  you 
will  have  to  watch  over  them  by  night.  When 
you  do  this  last,  however,  be  sure  to  sleep  the 
next  day,  more  or  less.  Or  otherwise  be  care- 
ful, in  deferring  it,  not  to  over-sleep  when  the 
succeeding  night  arrives. 

One  thing  you  should  avoid  with  double 
solicitude.  Thousands  who  go  among  the 
sick,  either  by  change  of  habits  or  by  other 
causes,  become  somewhat  deranged   in  their 


LABORS    AMONG    THE    SICK.  279 

digestive  systems  and  resort  to  medicine.  Now 
medicine,  of  all  kinds,  and  at  all  times,  es- 
pecially active  medicine,  is  quite  dangerous 
enough,  except  when  given  by  a  skilful  physi- 
cian; but  it  is  peculiarly  so,  when  you  are 
among  the  sick.  Avoid  it,  in  these  circum- 
stances, as  you  would  poison. 
.  Although  you  have  had  little  experience  in 
sickness,  do  not  imagine  there  is  any  mystery 
into  which  you  must  be  initiated,  in  order  to 
success.  The  whole  consists  in  taking  good 
care.  I  have  spoken  of  the  necessity  of  obe- 
dience to  the  physical  laws  on  your  own  part ; 
but  it  is  still  more  necessary  that  the  sick 
should  obey. 

The  soft  but  prompt  hand ;  the  gentle  but 
ready  voice ;  indulgence  when  it  is  admissible, 
but  firmness  to  refuse  where  it  must  be  so ;  the 
most  rigid  obedience  to  the  directions  of  the 
medical  adviser,  and  yet  a  constant  adherence 
to  your  own  good  sense  in  regard  to  the  cir- 
cumstances ;  these  are  among  the  most  impor- 
tant directions  I  can  possibly  give  you. 

Only  one  word  more,  and  that  seems  hardly 


280  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUXa   LADIE8. 

necessary.  It  relates  to  medicira.  Many 
think  that  when  they  are  through  with  their 
duties  to  a  sick  friend,  they  must  certainly  take 
a  dose  of  physic  to  carry  off  the  diseased  ten- 
dencies Avhich  may  exist ;  or,  as  is  sometimes 
said,  to  cleanse  the  blood.  Nothing  can  be* 
more  unsafe.  But  of  all  the  superstitions 
which  prevail,  the  notion  that  the  blood  can  be 
purified  by  a  dose  or  two  of  medicine  is  most 
ridiculous,  not  to  say  most  despicable. 

And  yet  great  multitudes  of  sensible  people 
fall  victims  to  this  superstition.  A  sister  of  my 
own,  whom  I  much  esteemed  and  loved,  and 
her  husband,  were  residing  in  Haddam  in  Con- 
necticut about  thirty  years  ago,  during  the  pre- 
valence of  typhus  fever,  and  Avere  compelled  to 
be  much  among  it.  At  length,  Avhen  the  dying 
were  dead  and  buried,  and  the  living  partly 
recovered,  my  brother  and  sister  thought  it 
necessary  to  "physic  off"  the  system  a  little, 
or  "  cleanse  the  blood."  Accordingly  they  took 
physic.  In  a  few  weeks  they  were  both  joined 
to  the  great  congregation  of  the  dead. 

Avoid  then,  I  say  again,  this  foolish  and 


LABORS    AMONG    THE    SICK.  281 

!iurtful  error.  The  best  preventive  of  disease 
is  firm  health  and  good  habits.  Obey  God's 
laws,  and  live ;  disobey  thenij  and  you  are  no 
longer  safe. 


CHAPTEK  XXX. 


SELF-DENIAL, 


You  will  have  one  objection  to  bring  against 
the  counsels  of  some  of  the  foregoing  chapters, 
viz.,  that  I  mistake  entirely  yom'  circumstances, 
and  expect  you  to  give  up  that  time  which  is 
indispensable  to  obtaining  the  means  of  support. 

For  how  can  a  young  woman,  who  lives  by 
the  labor  of  her  hands,  be  able,  you  will  say, 
to  be  a  missionary,  in  all  or  even  one  half  of 
the  various  ways  which  have  been  pointed 
out? 

In  general,  I  reply,  by  "redeeming  the  time," 
as  the  Scriptures  call  it;  that  is,  by  making  the 
most  of  it.  Much  of  the  past  has  been  wasted. 
What  remains — be  it  less  or  more — must  be 
spent  more  profitably.  Not  only  must  every 
moment;  in  all  time  to  come,  be  taken  care  of 


SELF-DENIAL.       .  283 

and  turned  to  good  account,  but  it  must  be 
made  the  most  of.  You  must  learn  to  deny 
yourself  and  take  up  the  cross. 

I  do  not  mean  by  this,  of  course,  that  you 
must  do  nothing  but  labor  for  the  good  of 
others,  in  any  such  sense  as  will  lead  you  to 
despise  amusement  and  relaxation,  and  almost 
grudge  the  necessary  time  for  sleep.  You 
know  I  have  insisted  on  the  necessity  of 
amusement  to  every  body,  in  some  of  my  for- 
mer letters. 

But  then  I  have  also  insisted — and  must 
here  do  it  again — that  you  may  and  should  so 
arrange  your  business  and  duties,  as  to  have 
many  of  your  engagements  be  neither  more  or 
less  than  amusement  to  you.  In  this  way  alone, 
you  will  be  able  to  redeem  much  time  which 
would  otherwise  be  wasted  in  amusement  foi 
its  own  sake. 

It  is  quite  unfortunate,  I  repeat,  that  you 
entertain  such  views  as  you  do,  about  the 
drudgery  and  slavery  of  doing  things  by  sys- 
tem. For  myself,  I  never  feel  more  truly  free 
and  independent  than  when  I  am  carrying  out  a 
plan,  to  which  I  have  practically  bound  myself. 


284  GIFT   BOOK    FOE    YOUNG    LADIES. 

I  do  most  earnestly  entreat  you  to  try,  once 
more,  to  pat  yom-self  upon  such  a  system  of 
living  that  every  hour  may  have  its  specified 
duties  from  which  there  can  be  no  discharge. 
For  then  alone,  as  it  seems  to  me,  will  you 
truly  enjoy  your  life.  This  doing  every  thing 
at  random  or  hap-hazard,  though  when  done 
it  were  done  well,  is  unworthy  of  a  rational 
being. 

Thus  37-ou  should  have  your  hours  of  rising 
and  of  retiring ;  of  bathing  and  dressing;  of 
reading  and  of  devotion  ;  of  making  calls  and 
of  laboring  in  the  garden  and  elsewhere ;  and 
you  should  depart  from  them  as  seldom  as  pos- 
sible. 

It  is  not  easy  for  you  to  imagine  how  much 
you  seem  to  gain — how  much  more  time  you 
seem  to  have  and  really  will  have,  when  you 
live  by  a  regular  system,  than  when  you  live  in 
your  present  desultory  manner.  The  joys  of 
life  will  be  doubled  to  you,  if  not  tripled. 

But  then  you  must  not  only  have  a  system 
— it  should  be  a  good  one.  True,  one  not 
quite  so  excellent  is  better  than  none.  Still  it 
requires  a  good  degree  of  knowledge  of  your 


SELF-DENIAL.  285 

own  constitution  of  body  and  mind,  as  well  as 
of  your  capabilities,  to  adopt  a  system  which  is 
susceptible  of  no  improvement.  Indeed  you 
will  probably  find  occasions  to  vary  even  a 
tolerably  good  system,  from  time  to  time*,  as 
new  light  shall  beam  upon  your  path. 

Suppose,  for  example,  you  resolve  on  lelidng 
at  nine  and  rising  at  four  in  summer,  and  of 
retiring  at  eleven  and  rising  at  six  in  l(ui  Aviji . 
ter.  You  may  find  after  much  expeikuico,  ic- 
flection  and  study,  that  it  were  bettor  U)  leliic 
in  winter  at  ten  and  rise  at  five,  ^nd  suioly 
you  ought  to  follow  out  your  convictions  «>f 
truth  and  duty. 

I  am  not  quite  certain  that  yon  slorp  ((\) 
much,  taking  the  whole  time  togt^tlier;  a  ad  \,'i't 
that  you  sometimes  do,  there  cnn  bo  iio  doiiljt. 
Or  at  least  you  lie  in  bed  tuo  long.  JJnrgh 
says,  in  his  "Dignity  of  Human  Natn.e,''  I  hat 
there  is  no  time  more  wicliedly  wa^«!led  llian 
that  which  is  spent  in  dozing-  -that  is^  hal  I  svay 
between  sleeping  and  waking. 

But  there  is  another  fact  in  connive ti()n  with 

this  which  should  be  remembered.    By  negli- 
13 


286  GIFT  BOOK   FOE   YOUNG   LADIES, 

gence  and  delay  in  regard  to  rising  when  the 
seven  hours  arejnst  expired,  one  who  might 
otherwise  sleep  enough  in  seven  hours  may 
spread  out  her  sleep,  as  it  were,  to  eight  hours 
or  even  more.  In  other  words,  the  sleep 
which  is  longer  continued,  will  be  less  sound 
in  the  same  proportion.  Much  precious  time 
lias  been  wasted  in  this  way. 

By  a  little  care  in  this  particular,  and  by 
being  as  regular  in  your  hours  as  possible,  I 
think  you  may  save  an  hour  in  twenty-four, 
throughout  the  year.  For  I  am  quite  confident 
you  spend  at  least  eight  hours  in  and  about 
the  bed,  every  day,  taking  the  whole  year  to- 
gether ;  which,  for  a  person  of  your  age  and  of 
your  temperament  and  habits,  if  not  for  almost 
any  person  over  thirty  years  of  age,  is  at  least 
an  hour  more  than  is  necessary. 

Again,  you  may  save  time  in  dressmg. 
Young  women  waste  a  great  deal  of  time  at 
the  toilet  and  glass.  How  much  is  indispen- 
sably necessary,  I  will  not  undertake  to  deter- 
mine. But  if  every  one  will  wash  her  whole 
person  daily  in  water,  and  put  on  a  simple, 
clean  apparel^  without  any  plaits,  ruffles,  floun= 


SELF-DEMAL.  28/ 

ces,  curls  &c.  I  am  sure  it  need  not  take  g. 
very  large  share  of  female  time  to  dress  prop- 
erly. 

Neatness  and  cleanliness  of  person  and  dress 
are  indispensable ;  but  she  who  feels  a  greater 
pleasure  in  doing  good,  than  in  looking  pretty, 
will  be  very  cautious  about  all  that  is  beyond 
this.  And  she  who  is  duly  cautious  will  find 
herself  able  to  redeem  a  great  deal  more  time 
in  twenty-four  hours  than  she  is  aware. 

But  there  is  another  way  in  which  and  by 
which  you  may  save  almost  half  yom*  waking 
hours.  It  is  by  a  thorough  reform  in  matters 
which  pertain  to  eating  and  drinking.  I  know 
well  that  I  shall  be  met  at  the  threshold  of 
this  subject  by  the  reply  that  woman  is  obliged, 
in  this  respect,  to  suit  the  depraved  tastes  and 
habits  of  others ;  and  that  therefore  the  attempt 
at  reform  should  begin  with  others.  This  ob- 
jection is  partly  true  and  partly  untrue.  It  is 
true  that  woman  has  to  please  others,  and 
may  not,  therefore,  be  able  to  accomplish  at 
once,  all  she  might  devise  in  the  way  of  refor- 
mation ;  and  yet,  if  her  heart  were  fully  set  on 
knowing  and  doing  the  right,  she  could  accom- 


283  GIFT    BOOK   FOR   YOUIn^G    LADIES. 

plish  ten  times  as  much  as  she  now  supposes ; 
She  could,  at  least,  redeem  a  part  of  her  time. 
And  the  more  she  should  do,  the  more  she 
mighl  do.  Man  will  not  be  so  capricious  and 
unreasonable  in  his  appetites  and  habits,  when 
"woman  ceases  to  pander  to  them  by  unreason- 
able and  wicked  cookery. 

For,  say  what  you  will  about  the  necessities 
of  youi  couvlition,  woman  is  as  truly  enslaved 
to  the  din  of  pots  and  kettles  and  tables,  as 
man  is  to  his  appetites  and  passions  ;  and  more 
than  this  is  even  true.  Her  slavery  is  a  willing 
one.  She  i^  as  fond  of  excitement  and  of  ex- 
citing food  and  drinks,  as  man. 

Now  if  you  view  this  matter  in  its  proper 
light,  you  mu^t  act.  Li  stead,  for  example,  of 
spending,  on  an  average,  three  or  four  or  five 
hours  a  day  in  preparing  the  food  of  the  family 
to  which  you  now  belong,  o;-  to  which  you  may 
herearter  be  attached,  it  is  highly  probable  that 
an  average  of  abv^u.  one  hour  will  answer 
every  important  purpose.  I  mean  every  pur- 
pose of  enjoyment  aad  hear.h  -mere  fashion 
being  exciud?d. 

You  will  stiil  ?ay.  }-ou  cannot  control  the 


SELF-DENIAL.  289 

arrangements  of  the  family  in  which  you  reside 
at  present.  No,  you  cannot  entirely ;  but  you 
can  do  what  you  can.  And  whenever  in  the 
good  providence  of  God  you  come  to  be  placed 
at  the  head  of  another  family,  your  efforts  to 
do  what  you  can,  in  your  present  position,  will 
have  prepared  you  to  do  much  more,  in  a  situ- 
ation where  you  will  have  much  greater  power. 

If  you  have  in  your  mind's. eye  a  correct 
standard,  it  will  not  be  difficult  to  approach 
that  standard  continually — to  be  always  mak- 
ing advances.  And  every  minute  you  gain  or 
enable  others  to  gain  is  so  much  saved.  Even 
in  the  family  where  you  now  reside,  you  can 
do  much  by  acting  in  conformity  with  truthful 
precept  and  practice  yourself,  if  others  do  not. 
Your  example  and  practice  will  not— cannot — 
be  lost,  even  though  you  remain  alone. 

The  necessaries  of  life  require  but  little  of 
our  time  in  their  preparation.  It  is  luxuries 
which  keep  us  all  the  while  chained  to  the 
car.  I  know,  indeed,  that  it  is  difficult  to 
make  a  line  of  demarkation  between  luxuries 
and  necessaries,  especially  as  the  luxuries  of 
to-day  become  the  necessaries  of  to-morrow ; 


290  GIFT   BOOK   FOE   TOUNa  .LADIES. 

the  luxuries  of  to-morrow  the  necessaries  of  the 
day  after  ;  and  so  on.  Still  we  may  do  some- 
thing towards  it. 

Thus  bread,  which  is  the  staff  of  life,  costs 
but  little  time.  Four  hours'  laboij  by  a  good 
housekeeper,  will  furnish  bread  enough  to  last 
a  family  of  five  persons  about  six  days.  This 
is  40  minutes  a  da^r.  Then  allow  20  minutes 
more  for  setting  the  table,  cleaning  the  dishes, 
(fcc,  and  you  have  an  aggregate  of  one  hour  a 
day,  to  be  expended  on  food  and  cookery.  - 

You  will  say,  man  cannot  live  on  bread, 
alone.  Yes,  he  can.  Nevertheless,  I  do  not 
think  it  advisable  that  he  should.  It  is  indeed 
the  staff  of  life — the  main  thing.  But  there 
are  many  farinaceous  articles,  almost  as  good 
as  bread ;  and  then  there  is  the  whole  cata- 
logue of  fruits  besides. 

And  yet,  extend  the  list  of  healthy  dishes  as 
far  as  you  will,  and  you  will  hardly  find  ano- 
ther whose  preparation  is  more  costly  than 
bread.  To  prepare  a  fire  (though  the  fire  itself 
is  often  prepared  to  our  hands)  and  bake  half 
a  peck  of  potatoes,  requires  but  a  few  minutes 
of  time.     Or  rather  it  requires  but  a  few  min- 


/ 


SELF-DENIAL,  291 


utes  to  place  them  in  the  oven  and  take  them 
out  again. 

And  is  not  rice  as  easily  cooked — and  beans 
and  peas,  and  turnips  and  beets — as  bread  is  ? 
And  how  long  does  it  take  to  prepare  milk  for 
the  table  ?  Most  happily  the  fruits,  many  of 
them,  are  already  prepared  for  us  in  God's  own 
way.  It  costs  .none  of  our  time  to  prepare 
them,  and  only  a  little  to  collect  them  from  the 
trees,  -shrubs,  or  vines  where  they  grow. 

It  is  the  cakes,  pies,  sauces,  preserves,  and 
mixed  dishes,  with  the  seasonings,  and  condi- 
ments that  accompany  them,  and  the  tea,  coffee, 
chocolate,  or  shells,  that  consume  about  seven- 
eighth's  of  woman's  time,  and  leave  her  so  little 
for  missionary  purposes. 

They  do  so,  in  three  ways.  1.  They  rob 
her  of  her  time,  in  a  direct  manner.  2.  They 
enfeeble  her  vital  energies,  and  those  of  her 
friends  for  wiiom  she  cooks,  and  thus  lessen 
her  efficiency  for  other  purposes.  3.  They 
keep  her  mind  in  a  lower  region  than  they 
should,  and  they  make  the  society  in  which 
she  moves,  and  must  move,  at  once  "  earthly, 
frensual,"  and  in  every  respect  undesirable. 


292  GIFT   BOOK   FOR    YOUNG    LADIES. 

To  illustrate  my  subject,  let  me  state  briefly, 
what  I  ha.ve  seen  in  one  instance  ;  for  I  have 
long  been  a  traveller,  and  have  endeavored  to 
travel  with  my  eyes  open. 

There  is  a  region  of  New  England,  where 
two  days  of  each  week  are  dervoted,  almost  ex- 
clusively, to  cookery ;  especially  during  tlie 
winter.  On  Wednesdays  and  Saturdays,  it 
would  seem  as  if  the  great  end  and  aim  of 
housekeepers  were  to  exceed  any- thing  ever 
before  known,  either  by  themselves  or  others, 
in  the  richness  and  abundance  of  their  dishes. 

On  Saturday,  more  particularly,  instead  of 
making  preparation  for  the  Sabbath,  house- 
keepers pursue  a  course,  the  results  of  which 
are  as  likely  to  unfit  both  themselves  and  their 
families  for  the  duties  and  privileges  of  this 
day,  as  if  this  were  the  great  object  for  which 
they  labor.  They  come  to  the  Sabbath  care- 
worn, and  almost  Vvithout  any  strength  of  mus- 
cle or  energy  of  mind ;  and  are  just  fitted  to 
deal  out  to  their  friends,  in  the  form  of  dinners 
or  otherwise,  what  will,  almost  inevitably,  ren- 
der them  as  stupid  as  themselves. 

Now  this  energy  of  body  and  mind  is  not 


SELF-DENIAL.  293 

expended  in  preparing  plain  food  ;  for  this,  as 
I  have  said  already,  costs  but  little  labor.  They 
spend  themselves  literally,  "  for  that  which  is 
not  bread,"  and  which  doth  not  profit.  They 
wear  themselves  out  in  making  pies,  cakes, 
tarts,  rich  sauces,  gravies,  &c. 

Nor  is  this  wicked  waste  of  time  and 
strength — aye,  and  money  too — confined  to 
two  days  of  the  week,  and  to  a- few  families, 
or  even  to  the  particular  portion  of  country  to 
which  I  have  referred.  It  has  become,  to  a 
great  extent,  the  order  of  the  day  both  there 
and  elsewhere.  Woman  is  become,  in  this  re- 
spect, the  veriest  slave  to  arbitrary  and  unrea- 
sonable custom  you  can  imagine. 

I  am  not  quite  certain  that  it  is  necessary  to 
put  you  on  your  guard  against  the  danger  of 
sliding  into  this  dreadful  current.  And  yet  I 
have  my  fears  for  you.  Besides,  if  you  were 
in  no  danger  of  going  any  farther  than  you 
have  already  gone,  are  you  quite  sure  you 
have  not  already  gone  too  far  ? 

You  will  smile  at  this  inquiry,  I  dare  say ; 
but  smile  on,  if  you  choose.  It  may  be  my 
turn  to  smile  bv  and  by ;  unless,  indeed,  the 


294  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

subject  should  prove  so  serious  as  to  excite 
tears  rather  than  smiles. 

Do  you  not  spend  several  hours  of  each  week 
in  the  work  of  preparing  dishes,  for  yourself  or 
the  family  in  which  you  reside,  which,  though 
harmless  compared  with  many  others  that  I 
might  mention,  do  yet  take  up  a  vast  amount 
of  valuable  time  ?  Suppose  this  time  to  be  but 
six  hours ;  are  not  six  hours  a  matter  of  con- 
sequence ? 

Let  us  consider  this  matter.  You  spend 
this  portion  of  time  weekly,  in  making,  not  in- 
deed the  richest  preparations,  but  such  as  you 
will  acknowledge  to  be  far  less  wholesome 
than  good  plain  bread,  or  bread  and  milk  ;  or 
rice,  plain  puddings,  plain  fruit  or  vegetables. 

Do  you  say  your  time  is  your  own,  and  you 
have  a  right  thus  to  spend  it  ?  I  grant  the 
claim  in  part ;  but  a  part  only.  Your  time  is 
your  own ;  at  least,  it  is  loaned  to  you  that 
you  may  be  a  free  agent  in  the  manner  of  ex- 
pending it.  Still,  you  are  responsible  for  its 
use.  You  are  bound  to  spend  it  in  such  a  Avay 
as  will  be  likely  to  do  the  most  good. 

And  can  you  seriously  believe  there  is  no 


SELF-DENIAL.  295 

way  in  which  you  could  expend  so  profitably 
your  six  hours  of  each  week,  as  in  making 
cakes  and  pies,  even  plain  ones  ?  Might  you 
not,  after  preparing  that  food  only  which  is 
plain  and  simple,  just  spend  the  residue  in 
something  else  ? 

Suppose  a  sick  neighbor  requires  your  aid. 
You  have  an  abundance  of  plain  food  in  the 
house,  either  already  cooked,  or  susceptible  of 
being  prepared  for  the  table  in  a  very  short 
time.  Nay,  admit  that  you  have  plenty  of 
good  bread,  milk,  and  fruits.  On  these  you 
could  live  happily  enough  for  a  week  if  neces- 
sary ;  only  your  perverted  appetite  is  ever  and 
anon  calling  for  rich  dishes,  and  you  love  to 
gratify  it. 

But  now  that  your  neighbor  is  sick,  and 
needs  your  aid,  as  an  attendant  or  nurse,  and 
the  question  comes  fairly  before  your  mind, 
which  you  ought  to  do — content  yourself  Avith 
the  plain  food  you  already  have,  and  thus  be 
able  to  do  good  by  visiting  the  sick,  or  yield 
to  a  clamorous  appetite,  and  indulge  yourself 
and  let  the  sick  go — is  tliere  any  doubt  which 
you  will  do  ? 


29G  GIFT    BOOK    FOK    YUUNG    LADIES.       " 

Some  would  say,  It  is  not  so  much  for  my- 
self that  I  would  go  and  prepare  other  dishes, 
as  to  have  something  to  set  before  friends, 
should  they  call.  I  could  confine  myself  to 
the  plainest  viands  a  long  time,  for  the  sake  of 
helping  the  sick,  or  performing  many  other 
kind  of&ces  in  society ;  but  to  set  these  plain 
things  before  my  friends,  would  be  a  greater 
self-denial  than  I  should  be  ready  to  make. 

But  would  you  say  this  ?  I  know  better. 
You  would  deny  yourself  at  once.  Suppose, 
however,  the  needy  sick  individual  is  a  mile 
distant — would  you  do  it  in  that  case  ?  Sup- 
pose the  distance  to  be  two  miles — three  miles 
— five  miles — how  then  ?  Or  suppose  it  to  be  so 
great  that  you  cannot  go  yourself  at  all,  but 
can  only  rouse  somebody  else  by  your  prayers 
or  letters,  or  other  efforts,  to  do  something, 
either  personally  or  by  proxy,  which  shall  afford 
relief  as  the  result — would  you  then  do  it  ? 

If  you  doubt  or  hesitate,  why  should  you  ? 
Does  distance,  when  the  want  is  well  known, 
lessen  at  all  your  obligation  7  What  though 
the  suffering  was  in'  Ireland,  or  eveii  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  globe — is  it  the  less  real  ? 


'      "  SELF-DENIAL.  207 

Is  not  the  sufferer  your  brother  still,  or  your 
sister  ?  And  Avill  you  hesitate,  for  a  moment, 
about  the  httle  self-denial — or  if  you  please  so 
to  call  it,  self-sacrifice,  which  is  required? 
Will  you,  as  a  Christian,  dare  to  do  it  ? 

Or,  once  more  ;  suppose  this  individual  is 
soul  sick,  rather  than  afflicted  with  bodily  dis- 
ease. Suppose  him,  I  mean,  ignorant  or  vicious. 
He  is  without  the  light  of  the  Gospel,  it  may 
be ;  or  if  not,  he  has  not  yet  made  it  of  any 
practical  value,  by  receiving  it  with  joy  and 
gratitude,  and  endeavoring  to  comply  with  its 
blessed  requirements.  In  short,  he  is  yet  the 
slave  of  sin — without  hope,  and  without  God 
in  the  world.     In  this  case  what  will  you  do  7 

You  see  I  have  not  brought  to  you  an  ima- 
ginary case.  For  if  there  are  no  sick  imme- 
diately around  you,  they  are  to  be  found  some- 
where. And  if  there  were  no  persons  on  the 
great  globe  who  needed  your  aid,  for  the  pur- 
pose of  restoring  either  body  or  miud,  is  not 
the  -great  field  of  prevention  wide  open  to 
you  ?  And  is  not  prevention  far  better  than  cure  7 

Now  it  does  seem  to  me,  either  that  woman 
is  thoughtless  in  this  matter,  or  else  voluntarily 


298  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   YOUNG   LADIES. 

and  greatly  wicked.  For  charity's  sake,  I  will 
believe  she  is  thoughtless.  Such  a  view  as  I 
have  taken,  of  her  obligations  and  the  duty  of 
a  little  self-denial,  has  probably  not  been  pre- 
sented distinctly  to  her  mind.  I  do  not  say  that 
she  would  come  up  to  her  duty,  in  every  in- 
stance, if  it  were  so ;  but  I  think  she  would 
be  more  likely  to  act  in  light  than  in  the  dark- 
ness of  ignorance. 

However,  it  is  not  in  the  matter  of  self-in- 
dulgence at  the  table  alone  that  she  is  loudly 
called,  as  a  missionary,  to  self-denial  and  self- 
sacriiice  ;  it  is  in  regard  to  sleep,  dress,  and 
many  other  things.  And  if  3^ou  do  not  need 
these  hints,  do  not  some  of  your  neighbors  ? 
Do  not  your  sex  generally  ?  How  can  woman 
co-operate  with  Christ  to  the  full  extent  of  her 
power  and  capacity,  till  she  knows  of  what  she 
is  capable,  and  what  is  her  duty  ?  How  can 
she  be  a  Christian  missionary  till  she  knows 
what  a  Christian  missionary  is  ? 

I  wish  you  would  properly  consider  this 
whole  matter.  For  until  woman  can  be 
brought  to  consideration,  her  time  will  not  be 
redeemed  ;  nor  will  she  act  as  an  efficient  mis- 


SELF-DENIAL.  299 

sionary.  She  must  be  dead  and  buried — prac- 
tically so,  I  mean — for  about  three-fonrths  of 
her  working  hours. 

When  I  say  I  wish  you  would  consider  the 
matter,  I  mean  your  sex,  of  which  you  are  a 
representative.  I  grant  indeed,  that  you  do 
not  sink  yourself  and  others,  quite  as  low  as 
majiy  do,  because  your  lot  is  more  favorably 
cast  than  that  of  many  young  women. 

And  yet,  remember  that  to  whom  much  is 
given,  of  the  same  shall  much  be  required. 
If  you  have  half  your  time  redeemed  already, 
so  far  as  food  and  cooking  are  concerned,  re- 
member that  this  but  increases  your  responsi- 
bility to  use  that  time  in  such  a  way  as  will 
tend  to  emancipate  others  from  the  error, 
from  which  God  in  his  providence  has  already 
exempted  you. 

It  is  quite  withm  the  bounds  of  truth  to  say 
that,  all  things  considered,  woman's  time  might 
half  of  it  be  saved  by  a  proper  and  reasonable 
change  in  the  habits  of  society,  and  every  body 
be  made  the  better  and  the  happier  for  it. 

Do  you  say  that  this  takes  for  granted  that 


300  GIFT   BOOK   FOR   TOUKG   LADIES. 

woman,  when  relieved  from  slavery  to  sensual 
customs,  will  immediately  betake  herself  to  her 
appropriate  sphere,  whereas  facts  prove  the 
reverse  ?  The  truth  is,  I  am  not  saying  what 
she  will  do,  so  much  as  what  she  might  do, 
and  what  she  ou2;ht  to  do. 

For  I  am  not  by  any  means  ignorant  that 
where,  by  virtue  of  custom  and  affluence,  or  at 
least  the  former,  woman  has  a  full  supply  of 
what  is  called  help  in  her  domestic  department, 
it  here  and  there  happens  that  this  help  is  help 
indeed,  and  she  is  relieved  from  her  cares  to  an 
extent  that  would  enable  her  to  act  out  the 
missionary,  according  to  the  general  tenor  of 
the  doctrines  of  my  letters — and  yet  with  this 
increased  capability  of  doing  more  of  angels' 
work  than  before,  she  commonly  does  less. 

Not  but  that  she  makes  and  keeps  the  ac- 
quaintance of  a  few  friends  and  neighbors, 
and  makes  a  sufficient  number  of  "  morning 
calls."  But  this  acquaintance  and  those  calls 
accomplish  almost  any  thing  else  rather  than 
the  purposes  whereto  they  were  sent  and 
designed.     Instead  of  elevating  mankind,  as 


SELF-DENIAL.  301 

they  might,  very  much  indeed,  they  probably 
have  the  contrary  effect,  and  tend  to  debase 
them. 

One  of  the  greatest  difficuhies  I  shall  have 
to  meet  in  endeavaiing  to  m.ake'yoH  an  efficient 
missionary  is  your  love  of  home,  and  of  quiet, 
and  your  general  desire  to  please.  You  wish 
to  be  in  the  shade — to  see  and  not  be  seen  so 
much.  You  Vv^sh  to  do  your  own  business, 
and  not  seem  to  meddle  with  that  of  others. 

Especially  will  it  be  to  you  a  work  of  self- 
denial,  to  stand  out  of  the  ranks  of  housekeep- 
ing on  the  old  plan,  and  for  the  sake  even  of 
doing  good — of  pulhng  people  out  of  the  fire 
— to  become  a  by-word  and  a  proverb,  if  not  a 
hissing,  to  the  community  around  you. 

I  admit  that  it  is  no  trifle  for  woman  to 
take  the  ground  indicated  in  this  letter ;  and 
yet,  take  it  she  must  before  she  can  be  eman- 
cipated— I  mean,  before  she  can  be  emanci- 
pated as  a  sex. 

She  must  not  longer  tolerate  customs  which 
keep  her  in  bondage  all  her  days,  not  only  to 
those  very  customs,  but  which  encourage  and 


302  GIFT   BOOK   FOK   YOUNG   LADIES. 

perpetuate  ignorance  and  crime,  by  feeding  the 
fires  of  impnrity  and  intemperance.  She  must 
come  up  to  the  work  of  self-denial  almost  as 
much  for  her  own  sake  as  for  the  sake  of  others. 
I  have  dwelt  to  an  unusual  length  on  this 
great  subject,  and  yet  seem  ha,rdly  to  have  be- 
gun my  remarks.  May  I  hope  that  jon  will  give 
it  due  consideration  ?  May  I  hope — may,  I  jiot 
hope  rather — to  see  you  a  burning  and  shining 
light  in  the  journey  of  life,  and  that  your  path 
and  that  of  those  around  you,  will  be  made 
brighter  and  brighter  by  your  eiforts,  till  you 
reach  the  portals  of  eternal  day  ? 


.CHAPTER  XXXI. 


SELF-SACRIFICE, 


In  concluding  this  long  series  of  letters,  allow 
me  first  to  recapitulate  a  little ;  and  then  to 
present  a  few  additional  reasons  why  you 
should  endeavor  to  act  up  to  the  spirit  of  what 
I  have  from  time  to  time  suggested. 

I  have  endeavored  to  show  you  that  God, 
in  his  providence,  and  in  the  work  of  redemp- 
tion, has  constituted  every  human  heing — es- 
pecially every  young  woman — a  missionary. 
I  have  endeavored  to  point  out,  briefly,  what 
it  is  to  be  a  missionary,  at  home  and  abroad, 
in  school  and  in  church,  by  pen  and  by  tongue, 
by  precept  and  by  example.  I  have  told  you 
of  some  things  that  may  be  done  single-handed, 
and  of  some  that  can  better  be  done  by  asso- 


304  GIFT   BOOK    FOE   YOCTNG   LADIES 

ciated  eifort — what  must  be  done  alone,  and 
what  demands  the  aid  of  friendship,  especially* 
conjugal  friendship.  Finally,  though  rather 
incidentally — as  I  did  not  at  first  intend  it—  I 
have  spoken  of  qualifications  for  friendship, 
especially  conjugal  friendship. 

In  pursuance  of  my  plan,  I  have  spoken  of 
the  love  we  ought  to  have  for  our  fellow  beings, 
and  have  dwelt,  at  some  length,  on  the  duty 
of  denying  ourselves — perhaps,  even,  of  laying 
down  life  for  them — should  the  case  requn-e 
it.  On  this  topic — the  duty  of  self-sacrifice — 
I  crave  your  patience  a  littie  farther. 

The  world  never  has  been  advanced  one 
inch,  and — such  are  the  divine  arrangements 
— never  can  be,  without  not  only  much  self- 
denial,  but  also  much  self-sacrifice.  In  truth, 
this  seems  to  me  the  very  corner  stone  and 
pillar  of  Christianity..  I  beseech  3rou,  says 
Paul,  that  you  present  yourselves  "  a  living 
sacrifice." 

Yv^e  must  not  only  be  willing  to  live  on  the 
simplest  fare,  and  be  clad  in  the  coarsest  ap- 
parel, and  sleep  on  the  plainest  bed,  in  order 


SELF-SACRIFICE.  305 

to  save  time  and  means  for  carrying  out  our 
missionary  plans  and  purposes,  but  we  must 
De  willing  to  sacrifice  our  own  just  rights,  lose 
our  health,  and  die  prematurely,  if  in  no  other 
way  our  object  can  be  accomplished. 

Has  woman — even  redeemed  woman — this 
willingness  to  do,  and  6e,  and  suffer^  almost 
any  thing  which  can  be  laid  upon  her,  for 
Christ's  sake  ?  Is  she  willing  to  give  up  the 
idea  of  pleasing  others  —  by  following  the 
fashions  which  custom  has  imposed  in  re- 
gard to  dress,  furniture,  equipage,  food,  cookery, 
(fee, — and  serve,  and  please,  with  supremest 
diligence,  the  Lord  Christ  ?  Is  she  ready  and 
willing  to  come  up  to  the  spirit  of  the  great 
truth,  "  It  is  more  blessed  to  give  than  to  re- 
ceive ?" 

Or  is  she  of  those  who,  as  Paul  says,  "  seek 
their  own,  not  another's  good  ?"  Is  she  not — ■ 
Mr.  Flint  and  Mungo  Park  to  the  contrary  not-, 
withstanding — supremely  selfish,  not  to  say 
sensual  ?  Does  she  not  "  desire  to  hav^ 
as  James  expresses  it, — not  indeed  hou 
and  lands  and  stocks,  but  those  things  wl 


306  GIFT   BOOK   FOE    TOUiSTG   LADIES. 

tend  to  make  female  life  what  she  wouia 
deem  comfortable^with  an  intensity  which 
is  hardly  exceeded  by  our  own  sex  ? 

I  leave  the  decision  of  these  questions,  m^^dear 
sister,  to  you  and  others.  Understand  me,  how- 
ever. I  am  not  blowing  hot  and  cold,  as  the  say- 
ing is,  in  the  same  breath.  I  am  not  making  wo- 
man now  almost  an  angel,  and  now  as  selfish 
and  low  as  the  rest  of  the  world.  If  she  is  thus 
a  paradox,  I  did  not  make  her  so.  It  is  because 
she  is  made  to  he  angelic,  and  may  and  ought 
to  become  so,  that  I  regret  to  find  any  relics  of 
a  fallen  nature  about  her,  especially  one  so 
odious  as  selfishness.  I  would  have  her  be  a 
woman,  and  strive  to  be  a  god,  as  the  poet 
Young  would  say.  I  would  have  her,  finc^lly 
and  in  one  word,  act  up  to  the  dignity  of  her 
natme  and  fulfil  her  mission. 

Be  it  yours  to  set  an  example  to  your  own  and 
unborn  generations,  of  woman  as  she  should 
t)e.  Redeem  your  time.  Waste  it  not,  as 
vv^oman  does  continually,  on  thQ  things  of 
time  and  sense,  that  peiish  in  the  using,  and 
lea  e  others  to  perish;  but  use  it  to  the  glory 


SELF-SACRIFICE.  307 

of  God  our  Saviour  and  the  good  of  mankind. 
So  shall  you  save  a  soul  from  death,  and  be 
a  means  of  saving  others.  So  shall  your  path 
be  that  of  the  just,  which  shines  brighter  and 
brighter  to  the  perfect  day. 


she  is  made  to  he  a*^^ 

to  become  so,  that  I  regret  to  tiriu  mx^ 

a  fallen  natm'e  about  her,  especially  one  so 

odious  as  selfishness.     I  Avouid  have  her  be  a 

vvoman,  and  strive  to  be  a  god,  as  the  poet 

Young  would  sa}^     I  would  have  her,  finally 

and  in  one  word,  act  up  to  the  dignity  of  her 

nature  and  fulfil  her  mission. 

Be  it  yours  to  set  an  example  to  \^our  own  and 
unborn  generations,  of  woman  as  she  should 
•be.  Redeem  your  tim.e.  Yv^aste  it  not,  as 
woman  does  continually,  on  the.  things  of 
time  and  sense,  that  perish  in  the  using,  and 
lea  e  others  to  perish;  but  use  it  to  the  glory