The gland stealers, by Bertram Gayton

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IHE GLAND STEALERS

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WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT

Grandpa is ninety-five, possessed of
£100,000, a fertile imagination, and a good
physique. He sees in the papers accounts
of the theory of rejuvenation by means of
gland-grafting.

Nothing will satisfy him but that the
experiment should be made upon himself.
He acquires a gorilla, a hefty murderous
brute, and the operation is performed with
success. That is only the beginning.

He next determines to dig out an old
love, and make her young, too; and Sally,
a dear old lady of seventy, arrives upon
the scene.

Inspired to philanthropy by the thrill of
regained )routh, Gran'pa decides to take
a hundred or so old men to Africa, capture
a like number of gorillas, and borrow
their glands.

There are thrilling adventues with the
gorillas, whilst the old gentlemen supply
the comedy — ^there are not enough glands
to go round. The result of the operations
is a surprise to all, particularly to the old
gentlemen themselves.

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THE GLAND
STEALERS

BY

^

BERTRAM GAYTON

PHILADELPHIA & LONDON

J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY

1933

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TO
MARGUERTTA

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CONTENTS

CBAFTSa PAGB

I. Gran'pa Hears the Nbws 9

II. Gran'pa Buys a Monkey 24

IIL Wb Inspect Alfrbp 38

IV. The Avenue has a Surprise 53

V. The Duo-out in the Garden 72

VI. Gran'pa Reforms 86

VII. Mr. Stringer Comes to Breakfast 98

VIII. We Set Out for Bristol 114

IX. Gran'pa Digs up an Old Romance 132

, X. The Massing of the Ancients 151

XL The Gorilla Country 169

XII. In the Jungle 189

XIII. The Gorilla at Home 217

XIV. The Capture of Little Willie 237

XV. A Gorilla Breaks Loose 254

XVI. The Ancients Cast Lots 274

XVII. Sally Slips Back 294

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THE GLAND STEALERS

CHAPTER I

GRANDPA HEARS THE NEWS

I HAVE nev^ been able to understand why my great
grandfather — ^an American, born and bred — ^left
the States at the decrepit age of ninety-four and
came to live with me in England.

His own explanation was that the decision arose
from a natural desire to end his days with his only
living relation— even if such an action entailed residing
at the North Pole!

Although he did not anticipate an early demise, he
apparently wished to be prepared, and to know that
when the important event did occur he would be gath-
ered to his fathers straight from the bosom of his
family—or, at least, what was left of it since the death
of his son in New York.

I was flattered ; but not convinced. I knew that he
was extremely proud of his country and had never for-
given my parents for their indiscretion in allowing me
to be born in London, thereby presenting an extra
citizen to England without any effort on her part.

More unforgivable still, neither my parents nor I
had ever returned to America.

In spite of the suddenness of grandpa's arrival and
the extremity of his age, for over a year we lived amica-
bly together. Except for a tendency to be deaf an4
wilful at times, he gave little trouble. He ate very
little, he said very little, and he listened only when

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10 THE GLAND STEALERS

shouted at. In fact, it would be no exaggeration to
describe my home — at that time — as a true haven
of rest.

Picture it! There was Gran'pa, aged ninety-five —
a nodder by the fire, a mumbler of tedious trifles, a
scoffer at the present, but a relic of the past; there was
myself, aged thirty-two— a widower, a respectable
salaried official, moderately lazy and living principally
and peacefully for the day (because there was not much
to look forward to in the morrow) ; there was Molly,
my twelve-year-old offspring — a long-legged schoolgirl,
who ought to have been bom a boy (like most girls
of this generation) ; and there was Nanny, aged any-
thing over fifty — the white-haired, sweet-tempered,
motherly old thing who had been one of the " supers "
present at my initial entrance on the world's stage.

There we were, the four of us! We never quar-
relled, or argued, or indulged in riotous living, or
suffered want, or did an}rthing particularly exciting.
We went on from day to day and from night to night
like most of the other 40,000 people in our suburb.
Big things happened in New York, in London, in Paris,
in Moscow, in Berlin— or in the wide heavens above
and the sea beneath — and we read journalistic and
exaggerated accounts of these events in the morning
papers, with mild interest and occasional emotion. We
were just one of the individual family vertebrae of that
middle class backbone which has made England the
nation that it is — a rather self-centred, fairly intelli-
gent, and very inquisitive community.

Then came that innocent-looking newspaper an-
nouncement concerning the new theory of rejuvenation
by means of glandular graftings. It ran as follows : —

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS ii

OLD TO BE MADE YOUNG.

ELIXIR OF LIFE IN MONKEY GLANDS.

(From Our Own Correspondent.)

Paris, Wednesday.

At the Surgery Congress to-day the amazing
statement was made that human life may be pro-
longed far beyond the allotted span by means of
grafting yotmg healthy glands, which will either
replace or repair those deteriorated through old age.

A scientist has already succeeded in grafting
some interstitial glands (the secretions of which
hold the source of vital forces) to old goats and
rams, which soon recovered their youth and vigor.

He is of the opinion that his laboratory experi-
ments can be introduced into the operating theatre,
and considers that an interstitial gland of a monkey
grafted on an old man will restore him his youth.

It is interesting to note that five years ago the
th}nroid glands taken from a monkey were grafted
on to a boy of fourteen, who was an idiot. The
result was absolutely successful, for two years later
the boy became completely normal and in 191 7 went
into the Army. . . .

I read it — as did most of my 40,000 suburban
fellow-citizens — ^with a detached and half-incredulous
feeling of, "Tut! tut! Whatever will they be up
to next?'*

After a moment's consideration, I put the paper
in my pocket, intending presently to bum it. Gran'pa
was a doddering old man who was always adopting the
" If-only-I-were-twenty-years-younger '* pose. He had
tried many nostrums and followed much advice, with
varying success, and I thought that it would be inad-

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12 THE GLAND STEALERS

visable for him to read of this latest and most non-
sensical theory. It would only make him restless and
fidgety. So it seemed best to bum the newspaper and
keep the matter quiet.

I was reckoning without two things, however —
modem journalism and modem children. The papers
started booming the discovery, it caught Molly's eye,
and Molly passed on a particularly lurid account of it
to Gran'pa. Her method was simple and tactful. She
cut the article out and dropped it in Gran'pa's bedroom.

The next morning, an open voltune of The £ncy-
cloptBdia Britannica lay on the breakfast table, and,
looking through its pages in deep contemplation, was
Gran'pa, so engrossed and so deaf that he was evidently
unaware of my presence in the room.

I crept up behind him, peered over his shoulder,
and caught sight of the word—" GLANDERS," and
then—" GLANDS."

I was about to speak (or cough) when Molly en-
tered. He shut the bode with a snap, stood up, heaved
a deep sigh, and cleared his throat.

" George," he said, " I found a newspaper cutting
in my bedroom when I was dressing this morning.
Whose is it?"

I hesitated. It was very deplorable to have to give
one's only daughter away; but I saw no help for it.

" I'm afraid," I explained, in great, gusty shouts,
''that Molly must have dropped it last night She
went into your bedroom for something and ..." I
paused for more breath.

" Whassat? " he asked, with a trumpet-shaped hand
to his ear.

I again went over the explanation of this most
unfortunate occurrence, and he grasped it hazily and

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 13

suspidously, as a man whose eyes are seeking to fathom
the interior of a darkened room.

"I don't know how it got there," he mumbled.
*' But— George— I'm gladi *'

He looked at me searchingly, and for the first
time I seemed to see him as he really was — a rather
pathetic, bent old man, bowed with the weight of a
great invisible something — a shadow — a menace I But
even as he stood there, his body suddenly straightened
itself and his eyes lit up with a strange brightness. It
was as though a quick flutter of youth had nm through
his veins.

" You've read it? " he asked.

"Yes "I confessed.

" Do you think it— possible? "

It was obvious that great tact was required in
framing an answer to such a question.

"I shouldn't like to say. It's possible, perhaps;
but it seems extremely improbable. These doctors and
scientists are always experimenting on the human body.
And yet — are we any better than we were a thousand
years ago?"

It was not clear whether he had caught the gist
of my reply, and for a long time he remained silent
and thoughtful.

" I've been readin' in The Encyclopcedia Britannica
about those — ^glands," he said, a little sheepishly. '' It's
a queer thing that I've never noticed them before. That
newspaper article isn't as foolish as you think, George."

"You misunderstood me, sir. What I said

VvciS. • • •

" You're too sceptical, my boy ! "
It seemed strange to hear the old accusing the
young of scepticism, but I let It pass.

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14 THE GLAND STEALERS

" One reads of so many new ideas nowadays," I
remarked, weakly.

" That's true. But there have been some big things
done since I was a lad. I remember the first railway
at home; the bicycle, the pneumatic tire, and then — ^the
first motor car. Now there's the aeroplane. Flying!
That's wonderful, George ! "

"It is!"

" All this inoculation, too. . . . That's happened in
my lifetime. You seldom see people scarred with
smallpox, nowadays. When I was a youngster. . . ."
He fell into reminiscences, those peculiar mental rak-
ings over the buried past. " It seems only the other
day that my father took me by stage-coach from
New York to Boston. No subways, then — all that vast
subterranean burrowing was unthought of . . . . The
suggestion of such a thing would have been enough
to send a man to the nearest Itmatic asylum. . . .
Qiloroform, cocaine — all the paraphernalia of modem
surgery and medicine. You can't realize the surgeon
of my young days. He was merely a glorified butcher.
. • . Hadtobe!"

As I listened, he related a gruesome account of some
poor wretch, whose only hope of living was by the
amputation of a leg. But at the last moment the man's
courage failed and he burst the straps of the operating
table, rushed from the room, up the stairs, and into
an attic, where he locked himself in, screaming male-
dictions and threats at the astounded staff who were
swarming in pursuit. This terror-stricken flight was
surely horrible enough, but it was still more ghastly
to hear of how the huge six-foot surgeon hurled him-
self at the door, burst it open and sprang on the fright-
ened, shivering wretch. Fighting like a maniac, the

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 15

victim was eventually bound and carried downstairs —
again to face the horrors of that life-saving operation
in all its cold-blooded and brutal reality.

" Try and picture such a scene to-day, George,"
continued the old man. " How many people would
face one-tenth of the ordeals of my young days ? And
yet how many bother to say as much as ' Thank you ! '
All the wonderful discoveries which have been made,
even in my little lifetime, are taken for granted now.
The electric light, the telegraph, the telephone, wireless.
... I could mention a thousand other things."

He paused, and, in the breathing space which fol-
lowed, I again saw him in a new light. He was no
longer the poor, doddering old man, mumbling incohe-
rent nothings and drowsing his life away by the fireside,
but a fellow-creature whose brain was afire with vivid
thoughts and memories — a living soul, even though it
was caged in a dying and encumbering body. If only
he could have shaken off the dulness of physical infirm-
ity and regained possession of himself once more ! It
was a stupendous thought. . . .

''You think I'm talking like a foolish old man,"
he said, suddenly breaking into my reverie. ** But if
you'd seen only a quarter of what I have, you wouldn't
doubt for a moment . . ."

Once again that extraordinary suggestion of scep-
tical youth and credulous age! Had I been mistaken
in the old man, and judged him only by his physical
inertia, never guessing that many of those long silent
days of his by the fireside or in the shaded garden
were periods of intense mental activity?

Here was Gran'pa, talking as he had never done
before— 4t any rate> never since I had known him.
Here was I, suddenly realizing his immense potentiali-

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i6 THE GLAND STEALERS

ties at ninety-five-**merely because he had dropped his
customary reticence and loosened his tongue.

"Gran'pa," I said. "Don't you think you arc
taking this a little too seriously. ... ? "

He glared at me from beneath his great, project-
ing eyebrows.

''No!'' he croaked, excitedly. "Plenty of other
discoveries have been far more marvellous, but Fve
ignored them at the time because they weren't of
immediate importance. This is different It's a • • .
tremendous and magnificent hope — a sort of light in
the darkness, George. . . . Some will be too apathetic
or ignorant to notice; some too tired and lonely to
care; and some so ill and battered that death is far
more pleasant than life. But a few, like myself, will
see it as one of the greatest miracles of modem science,
and they will take advantage of it . . ."

He ceased abruptly — as if his mind had driven the
creaking mechanism of his body to the verge of a
breakdown. A fit of coughing seized him, he clutched
at the back of his arm-chair, and with a shuddering
sigh he sank down into this throne of contemplation
which had become so great a necessity to his existence.

For awhile I thought that he was really ill, and
poor little wide-eyed Molly ran to me and hung on
to my sleeve, feeling no doubt that she was responsible
for ^s sudden and unexpected outburst which had at
last ended in physical collapse.

" Get me the brandy, dear,'' I said, placing my
hands under Gran'pa's arms and raising him from his
huddled position of insecurity.

As Molly crossed over to the sideboard he tried to
rise, only to drop back again, exhausted and breathless.
His face' was deadly white, his hands shook, and

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 17

his jaws fell apart as if the last vestige of his strength
had gone.

I took the bottle from Molly, hurriedly tipped some
of its contents into the nearest cup, and tilted back
Gran'pa's head, literally using his throat as a funnel
into which I poured the brandy.

A convulsive movement followed and I was fearful
that he might expire. It was like one of those moments
when the crank of some huge engine dramatically
pauses, and one is uncertain whether the fly-wheel will
stop or gradually begin to pick up speed again. To
this day I believe that it was ** touch and go " with
his life, those few drops. of brandy providing just that
tiny fillip required to set the wheels of existence in
motion again.

" Thank God I " I breathed, as his mouth closed and
his eyelids fluttered.

Molly was behind me, making peculiar little whim-
pering noises, and, taking hold of my hand, she pressed
it tightly against her hot cheek. I stooped down and
kissed her — ^poor little, frightened girl !

" Run into the kitchen to Nanny," I whispered.
"But— not a word!"

"No, Daddy. . . ."

She went out and, with a sudden start, Gran'pa
sat up.

" What was I saying? " he asked, feebly.

The question sounded so ludicrous that I couldnH
help laughing.

" Oh ! You were — ^just chatting about old times."

''Was I?"

He smoothed his long white beard with a trembling,
blue-veined hand and then ran his fingers through

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i8 THE GLAND STEALERS

his hair, brushing it back from his forehead, and look-
ing extremely puzzled.

" There was something else though . . ." he said,
searching in his confused and troubled mind. '' Ah !
I remember, now! Those glands! "

" For Heaven's sake," I shouted, " leave 'em alone
imtil you've had breakfast You've all the day
before you."

"That's true, George!"

" Don't start getting excited again."

"Was I?"

" I should think you were indeed ! Look at that
brandy bottle."

He did as he was told, but was evidently still
mystified as to exactly what had happened.

"Have I — been drinking?" he asked, with a
chuckle.

"No! I had to pour the stuff down your throat"

"But why?"

" Because — my dear old great-grandfather — ^you
nearly fainted."

" You don't say so ! Good job it didn't happen in
the States. I might have died ! "

He treated the matter so flippantly that I found
it difficult to keep my temper.

" It's not advisable to start the day with so much
excitement," I pointed out. " It's bad for the appetite —
especially yours."

" Never felt better in my life, George! "

(" That's the brandy! " I thought)

He stood up, a little shakily perhaps, but certainly
with no indication that he had stymbled so near to
Death's door.

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 19

*' I must take it quietly to-day/' he said, realizing
his weakness now that he was on his feet again.

I encouraged him in this idea, hoping that by the
following morning he would have forgotten the whole
affair, and when I left to catch my train there seemed
to be every likelihood of this fervent desire being
fulfilled. To-morrow, he would be nodding by the
fireside as of old, and glands and monkeys and profes-
sors would all be part of a very hazy and negligible past.

It was a consoling thought, but, imfortunately,
events shaped themselves quite differently.

When I arrived home about six o'clock the follow-
ing evening there 'was an air of consternation in the
home. Nanny and Molly both met me at the door
with long, solemn faces.

" Hullo ! " I exclaimed. " What's the matter with
you two? "

The first to answer was the dear old soul who had
taken the place of both nurse and mother to Molly
for practically the whole of the child's life.

"Have you seen anything of Mr. Hadley?" she
asked.

"No!"

" He went out just after lunch to get some tobacco
and hasn't come back yet."

" That's strange. He's not usually out so long as
that, is he?"

" He's never been away more than about an hour
at a time before."

" Didn't he say anything, Nanny? "

*' Only that he wanted some more tobacco."

I went into the dining-room, intending to glance
through the evening post before proceeding further,
and, as I picked up the first letter, my eye suddenly

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20 THE GLAND STEALERS

fell on the old man's pouch lying on the mantelpiece.
I stepped over to it and pinched it.

" This is very peculiar ! " I said. " Here is his
pouch — simply bursting with ^baccy.* "

" Well, I never I " exclaimed Nanny.

" I must go out and see if I can find him. If not,
we must communicate with the police at once."

" Can I come with you, Daddy? " cried Molly.

" If you're quick."

She raced upstairs and I could hear the sound of
hurried movements overhead.

"You'd better keep dinner back for half-an-hour
or so, Nanny. I wish you'd 'phoned me."

" I expected him back every minute. It was such
a nice day that I thought he might have gone up to
your office."

" But he's never done such a thing before. What
on earth made you think that, Nanny? "

" He was saying this morning that he'd like to
go over there one of the first fine days."

More mysterious than ever !

At that moment Molly re-entered the room and —
the bell rang!

Everyone knows that queer thrill which follows
the sudden tinkle of a bell in the midst of a serious
conversation about some friend or relative in trouble.
The soimd seemed to nrn through every vein in
my body.

I hurried to the door and flung it open, expecting
Heaven knows what after an old man of ninety-five had
been away in the streets for over five hours.

" Yes? " I said, peering into the dark.

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 21

"I hope I haven't kept dinner waiting, George,"
came the answer.

It was Gran'pa I

" Where on earth have you been? " I yelled.

He came into the hall and I switched on the light.

" I went out for some tobacco and a little stroll.
But it was such a lovely day that I thought Td take
a 'bus ride up t;o town." He fumbled in his overcoat
pocket and beckoned to Molly, who was standing star-
ing at him from the dining-room doorway. " Here's
a present for you, MoUikins! "

She didn't need a second invitation to bestir herself.

" Oh 1 You darling old Gran'pa ! " she cried, run-
ning up to him. " Whatever is it? "

She felt the paper wrapping with childish curiosity
and interest, tore off the string and rapidly exposed
the contents.

It was a little Chinese god in white ivory — as
delicate a bit of work as any I had seen.

" Daddy! " she exclaimed. "Isn't it—scrumptious T

" That's very nice of you, Gran'pa ! " I bellowed.
'' Where did you find it?"

He hesitated.

" In a Regent Street shop," he said, at last, be-
ginning to remove his hat and coat.

I regret to say that I did not believe him. That
ugly little brute of an idol had either been discovered
in a Chinese curio shop in the East End, or purchased
from some sailor in the neighborhood of the Docks.
It was so thoroughly typical of that quarter and so
unusual a present to bring home from Regent Street,
that I was convinced Gran'pa had lied in his beard.

More than that, his whole manner was mysterious
and secretive. He had an air of wanting to get away

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22 THE GLAND STEALERS

•

from us— or get us away from him — or, failing that,
to get our thoughts away from his five-hour absence
from home.

" ril just pop upstairs and have a wash," he
mtmibled.

Washing for dinner — at ninety-five I Of course, he
had done such things before. . . .

I looked at Nanny; and she looked at me.

" He's been up to something," I said. " I don't
like it a bit."

"Oh, well," she remarked, in her practical way.
" He's home safe and sound again. We must be grate-
ful for that 1"

" Possibly 1 Still, I hope he isn't going to make
a habit of these afternoon jaunts."

I escorted Molly and her little heathen god into
the dining-room, where we awaited the arrival of
Gran'pa and dinner.

When he came downstairs again he looked very
flushed and excited, and, for some inexplicable reason,
I couldn't help associating his appearance with that
terrible morning when he had first read about the glan-
dular rejuvenation of the human race. Had his
absence an3rthing to do with this? Where had he
really been ? And, why ?

Although I questioned him with great tact he was
obstinately imcommimicative— even stone-deaf at times 1

" A little 'bus ride in town, George/* he murmured,
over the soup, " is a great appetizer, you know."

I do believe the wicked old sinner was actually
laughing up his sleeve at me.

" Any other purchases besides the idol, Gran'pa ? "
I shouted.

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GRANTA HEARS THE NEWS 23

His eyes twinkled and he wiped his moustache on
his napkin and leaned back contentedly.

" Perhaps it would be as well. . . ."

Then he appeared to think better of what he was
going to Say and added :

" I did make another little purchase from a sailor
I met, but it won't be along until to-morrow."

"Then you have been into the East End?" I
cried, jubilantly.

"Who said I had?"

"Nobody! But I guessed it ! "

At that, he suddenly became quiet and extremely
deaf. Evidently, he lutd gone further than he had
intended, and for the rest of the evening he maintained
an air of contemplative silente, broken once or twice
by mumbled protests that he was very tired.

So it came about that both Molly and I had to wait
imtil the next day before our curiosity was satisfied.

Returning home about six o'clock as usual, I let
myself in and began leisurely removing my coat I
had just htmg it up on the hall stand when tihe kitchen
door opened and Nanny emerged in a great hurry.
She was followed by a scuffling noise, a squeak, and
then a loud crash of breaking crockery. It sounded
just as if she had suddenly let out the fury of
some miniature tornado which was hustling roimd a
china shop.

"Good Lord!" I gasped. "What is it?"

" Oh! " she said " It's— that nasty little monkey
which came this afternoon. Oh — hi **

As she rushed past me I saw a small, active brown
body leap on to the dresser, seize a chunk of bread
in its paws and then drop to the floor again, with
Gran'pa and Molly in wild pursuit.

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CHAPTER II

gran'pa buys a monkey

A S Nanny shot past me into the dining-room and
LjL slammed the door behind her, I strode for-
•^ -^ ward into the kitchen. There followed a scene
I shall never forget.

Molly was standing on a chair, shouting and laugh-
ing. Gran'pa was on his hands and knees, fishing about
under the table and making peculiar little coaxing
noises; and in the centre of the room was the cat,
with arched back and erect and angry-looking tail.

" Gran'pa! " I shouted — at the top of my voice.

He withdrew his head from beneath the tablecloth,
his long, picturesque white beard trailing grotesquely
on the polished linoleum, and kis whole attitude and
appearance as near to the monkey kingdom as ever I
had seen them.

"What in Heaven's name do you think you are
doing? " I bellowed.

Before he could answer, there was a scuttling sound
under the table; the cat vanished, and the monkey
suddenly dashed out of cover, made straight for me
and flung its arms round my right leg.

" Get away, you brute ! " I yelled, trying to shake
it off.

"Oh, Daddy, darling!" cried Molly, "isn't he
sweet?"

" Sweeil" I thought, wildly. "This is a nice
home-coming for a man after a hard day's work
in town."

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 25

Stooping down, I tried to dislodge the little brute's
grip on my trouser-leg, but the effort ended in failure.
It had evidently found what it thought was a refuge
from further pursuit — and there it meant to stay!

" Come and get him off ! " I shouted at Gran'pa.

The old man crawled quickly towards me, took hold
of the monkey's tail and pulled 1

It was then that I indulged in my first laugh that
evening. There was a quick snarl from the monkey, a
shout from Gran'pa, and the next moment Molly and
I were witnessing the thrilling spectacle of a tug-of-war
in which gran'pa's beard and the monkey's tail were
the chief objects of interest.

" Leg go ! " cried the old man. " Ah ! You would —
would you? "

I saw the gleam of white teeth as the monkey tried
more drastic methods on Gran'pa's arm, the sudden
flash of a human hand as it reached out and cuffed
the animal's head, and then a sort of rough-and-tumble
on the linoleum.

For about twenty seconds it was difficult to discern
which was man and which was monkey. Then the
antagonists separated. There was a whoop and a
snarl, and a moment later the monkey was gazing down
at us from the top shelf of the kitchen dresser.

One would have thought that Gran'pa might have
taken advantage of this little respite ; but, no I Either
he was intensely vindictive, or else he was fearful of
his antagonist escaping.

" Lend me that chair, Molly ! " he shouted.

He shuffled over to it, took it in his hands and
approached the dresser.

" You'll get bitten ! " I warned him.

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26 THE GLAND STEALERS

("And serve you Jolly well right!" I added, under
ray breath.)

Undeterred, however, he placed the chair carefully
in position and prepared to mount.

The monkey eyed him for a moment with an inter-
est which quickly merged into intelligent anticipation.
Scrambling further away from its pursuer, it paused,
looked over its shoulder and then suddenly reached
down to the next shelf and seized a plate.

''Whoa! ''I shouted.

CRASH!

Another and another plate descended in rapid, nerve-
shattering succession.

" I say! " I cried. " This is getting beyond a joke.
There won't be a piece of whole china left in the place
if we aren't quick. . . . Molly! Go and fetch me
that empty potato sack out of the pantry."

She rushed out of the room and Gran'pa and the
monkey remained very still, watching each other with
malicious intent.

" For goodness sake don't move," I pleaded, " or
the brute will only begin again."

Gran'pa controlled himself and presently Molly
returned with the sack.

But even now it was not as easy as it looked. Here
was the sack, and there was the monkey. How to
get the latter into the former was a feat requiring the
magic art of conjuring.

I tried honeyed expressions, and even offered a
succession of such things as bread, cake, a banana, a
handful of walnuts, and an apple. But the monkey
didn't show even the mildest interest. It was a most
suspicious little beast!

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 27

'' You and Molly must hold the sack out/' I said
to Gran'pa. " Like this — ^with the mouth wide open!
Now ril scrape him into it."

The old man and Molly caught hold of opposite
sides of the sack and gently tiptoed their way to the
dresser, whilst I picked up the coal shovel and mounted
the chair.

" Now," I whispered. " Get right underneath
him. . . . Ready?"

I recalled that verse of the Psabns : '' Thou shall
smite him in his hinder parts and put him to shame"

Raising the long-handled shovel, I slid it quickly
along the back of the top shelf and gave a powerful
forward thrust as it reached the monkey.

There was a little squeak of pained surprise, a
clatter of falling plates and metal, the thud of a soft
body on the floor — ^not in the sack ! — ^and then a brown
streak crossed the linoleiun in a diagonal line from
dresser to door.

" Quick ! " I cried. " He'll be out ! "

The spirit of the chase was now burning in me
Hke a flame. I dashed across the kitchen in wild
pursuit. But it was too late.

A metallic clatter came from the pantry, another
squeak, and the little brute vanished through the open
window in a whirl of scurrying arms and legs.

I turned to Molly, as she hurriedly entered, and
explained, simply :

" That is through not shutting the door after you."

"Has he gone. Daddy? Oh! What a shame! . . ."

She was on the verge of tears and evidently regarded
the monkey's escape principally as the loss of a possible
pet for herself.

We went outside into the gathering dusk.

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28 THE GLAND STEALERS

" It's hopeless trying to catch him now," I observed.
"He's probably grinning down at us irom the top
of the walnut tree — ^thinking what fools we are."

We stared up at the dark tangle of leaves and
branches and presentiy Gran'pa joined us, lodcing very
flushed and gloomy.

"I expect he*s up there!" I shouted, pointing
heavenwards.

He made no reply, his emotions no doubt being
far too deep for words.

" Look ! " cried Molly. " I can see something
moving."

I gazed aloft and at last made out a shadow-like
form hauling itself leisurely upwards — and upwards.
... It was so exasperating that for one mad moment
I even thought of climbing in pursuit.

" Come along! " I said, at last. " Nothing but a
shot gim will ever fetch him down again. He has
enough nuts up there for a lifetime."

Gran'pa looked at me miserably.

"Confounded nuisancel" he mumbled. "That
monkey cost me five pounds, George. . . ."

"Pidit, now?"

"Yes!"

" Whatever made you get the beastly thing? "

The reason was obvious, but I felt angry at all
this disturbance being suddenly thrust into my orderly
and peaceful life, and took a cruel delight in seeing
the old man's discomfort.

" You know why I got it," he snapped.

" You were after its interstitial glands," I retaliated
" I don't tfiink it's right and proper."

He drew himself up, defiantly.

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 29

" May I ask why? " he inquired with elaborate calm.

"Well, it seems inhuman to go about cutting up
monkeys and things to get hold of their glands. I hope
to goodness the neighbors don't get to hear of it."

He glanced at me.

" George," he said, quietly. " Since Fve been living
with you we've never started quarrelling, and I don't
intend to; but I mean to go on with this. I'm an
old man and I'm determined to test that new theory.
It is in my own interests and in the interests of science.
If you object, say so— and I'll leave the house this
very night."

" You aren't serious, Gran'pa. ... ? "

" I mean every word."

" Then there's no more to be said. Naturally,
though, I don't like disturbances of this sort. It's not
pleasant to come home and find one's housekeeper in
hysterics, Molly half off her head with excitement,
yourself capering about like a lad of ten, the cat
rampant and distracted, the kitchen turned into a
menagerie, and pieces of my best china flying about
like shells in a bombardment."

" You needn't worry about the last. I can easily
replace the crockery — ^if that's your main grievance."

" Not at all! But you must admit. . . ."

" I'll admit anything and apologize for it, if neces-
sary. But I won't be dictated to,"

" I'm sorry, Gran'pa. . . ."

"That's all right, my boy. Only, don't let us
squabble about this most unfortunate mishap."

He gazed wistfully at the dark branches of the
walnut tree, where his hope of rejuvenation was perched
in security and ease.

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30 THE GLAND STEALERS

"Let us go indoors," he said, at last "It is
useless waiting here any longer! "

We reentered the house.

"Nanny!" I called out.

The dining-room door opened.

" Come along ! " I said. " All dear ! "

She returned to the kitchen, looking very scared
and dubious.

"Where— is it?"

" Up in the walnut-tree."

" Thank goodness ! "

Gran'pa winced at her selfish way of viewing
his misfortime.

" I don't think the brute will worry you again,"
I whispered. " It'll probably be miles away by to-
morrow morning. But you'd better keep the windows
shut to-night. They're such inquisitive little beasts."

Molly and I withdrew to the dining-room, Gran'pa
shuffling and mumbling after us.

He was clearly upset at the sudden failure of his
plans, and I could not help sympathizing with him.
That previous day's search in the East End for a gentle-
man with a monkey for sale must have been a strenuous
enough undertaking at his age, but the skylarking
in the kitchen must have been a still greater strain.
Nothing but Gran'pa's intense enthusiasm for the cause
could possibly have supplied such tremendous motive
power to a man of ninety-five. His endurance, his
persistence, and his unswerving faith and optimism
had been extraordinary from the very moment he had
read that article. For the first time since his arrival
in England, he seemed to have waked up. It was, in-
deed, more than a little sad to think that such industry
had ended in failure.

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 31

" D'you intend offering a reward for the monkey's
recovery? " I asked.

"Certainly I"

" Isn't it unwise ? You'll only have people talking/'

"What about? There's no reason why a man
can't keep a monkey if he wants to. Nothing very
startling in that"

" Perhaps not. But you must know that this theory
of the interstitial glands is in all the papers. Everyone
is talking about it. They'd immediately associate your
extreme age with. . . ."

" George I " he interrupted.

"Yes?"

" Are you trying to be funny at my expense? "

" Of course I'm not, Gran'pa. I'm merely pointing
out the ordinary, everyday view which people will take.
You're so carried away by your enthusiasm that I think
you don't realize some of tiie dangers incurred."

"Danger? What danger?"

" Over-excitement is one of them. Public ridicule
another."

He snapped his fingers.

" That— to both of 'em."

" Suppose the Society for Prevention of Cruelty
to Animals steps in? " I suggested.

" Society of Fiddlesticks. My life is worth more
than a wretched little monkey's."

" I quite agree. But will everyone hold the same
opinion if you go through with this — butchery of
defenceless apes? "

I thought that I had found a weak spot in his
armor at last; but I was mistaken. These last few
days had wrought a miraculous change in him.
Physically, he was much the same; but, mentally, he

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32 THE GLAND STEALERS

seemed to be an entirely diflferent man. To put
the matter crudely but vividly, his mind now had
" ginger " in it. It was alive, active, rebellious,
uncannily penetrating.

"George!" he said. "I want a quiet talk with
you. It's about time, too! I seem to have been
sitting in that chair for years without making a mur*
mur. And you've thought my brains were dead. It
must be this confounded climate of yours. But I'll
show you,"

He suddenly stopped and looked at Molly.

" I'm going to have a word with your father,"
he said. " Run in to Nanny for a few minutes,
my dear."

As she left the room I had the feeling that some-
thing ominous was going to happen. I filled my pipe,
lit it, sat down on the edge of the table and waited.

He did not speak for a few moments, but stood
pulling pensively at his long, bushy beards — stroking
and smoothing it as if it was the seat of all his wild
unrest. It looked so qtiaint to see this poor, bent
old grandfather of mine preparing to bully me, that
I could hardly refrain from smiling. And yet there
was something in his manner which demanded respect
and attention.

" It's difficult to speak one's mind, George, after all
the kindness you've shown me since I've been in
England," he began, half -apologetically.

There was another long and contemplative pause,
more tugging at his beard — and more curiosity on my
part. But presently he broke free of his fetters and
went straight ahead.

" Have you ever wished I were dead? " he asked,
abruptly. " Don't be afraid to answer! "

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 33

"In moments of anger or weakness/' I began
tentatively, *' I may— once or twice. . . /*

"Ah! That's nothing!"

It was very broad-minded of him to make such an ad-
mission, but I still couldn't see what he was driving at.

"What I mean is this, Georgt" he went on.
" Have you ever wished me dead because of my
money? "

I started, hesitated a second, and then said :

"Nol"

" You've never thought how much better off you'll
be when I'm dead and gone? Never wished I'd— get
a move on?"

" Naturally, I've realized that you'd leave most of
your money to me, but I've never. . . ."

" Then you must be different from everyone else.
The young are always waiting for the old to die and
leave them something."

" That is rather sweeping! "

"Nonsense! Don't be a hypocrite. I had just
the same inclination when I was young — at any rate
about distant relatives— like yourself and me, for
instance."

" That is no reason why you should accuse me of
such sentiments," I cried, rather testily.

" It is only telling you that you're human."

I refused to argue the matter.

"Well?" I said. "What's the object of all
this palaver?"

" That's what I'm coming to. We can take it for
granted that even if you're not anxious for me to . . .
pack up, you won't be very sorry when I have gone."

Again I started to protest, but he stopped me.

" Mind, I'm not such a fool as to blame you, for
S

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34 THE GLAND STEALERS

I do realize these things. So I intend altering them.
I'm going to turn your inclination the other way. Not
only will you want me to live, but it's going to be
made positively worth your while."

This sounded very exciting — ^but I thought it just
as well not to say so. I held my peace.

" My plan is quite simple," he resumed. " I intend
going on with this experiment and having some new
glands grafted, but I must have your help— your inter-
est — ^your enthusiasm behind me. It is necessary at my
age to depend on someone's youthful and active support.
So the day when the (^ration is declared successful
you will receive five thousand dollars in cash."

I gasped, but he went on with reckless extravagance :

" I'm a much wealthier man than you have ever
imagined, George — and we'll both begin to take advan-
tage of the fact at once. Twenty years ago, when I
went to end my days in peace under your grandfather's
hospitable roof, I was worth close on two hundred thou-
sand dollars. That's a good deal . . . but, wait 1 "

I did so— speechless and open-mouthed.

" I intended leaving him everything when I died,
but ... the fates arranged otherwise. Then I came
to live with you, when he was gone. And here I
am — ^still spared — and with the money still growing.
My expenditure was small; for, after all, there was
little I wanted at my age beyond an easy chair by
the fireside . . . food and comfort . . . and tobacco,
of course. So it came about that nearly every penny
of my dividends has been reinvested during the last
twenty years, and to-day I'm worth . . . what do
you think?"

I couldn't think. I was far too amazed at Gran'pa's
sudden disclostu'e of the extent of his worldly wealth

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 35

after all the years of secrecy before he came to England.

" I shouldn't like to say/' I stammered. " But it
must be some nest egg I "

" Well over half a million dollars/' he announced,
quietly. *' There ! I've put all my cards on the table,
at last, and I suggest five thousand dollars down for
you, and then — ^ten thousand for each year I live. But
. . . nothing when I die. How's that, George?"

He was acttially laughing!

" It is — ^magnificent — staggering I " I exclaimed,
trying to remember the present rate of exchange. " But
it's silly to make such a proposition."

"Is it? We shall seel"

" You could rely on my help in any case."

" I believe you. In spite of it, however, I think
you'll agree that our interests will be identical in
future."

It would have been futile to dispute such a statement.

"I'm with you heart and soul in this gland busi-
ness," I said. " I always was, but . . ."

" Now, George, admit that you're keener than
you were."

"Willingly I" I laughed.

"Shake on it!"

We shook! Ninety-five and Thirty-two shook
hands on one of the strangest and most thrilling bar-
gains ever made. Some people might have called me
mercenary, but, as Gran'pa had said, I was only human,
and he really was a nuisance at times! This new .
arrangement was bound to make me take a keener
interest in his welfare.

" Now," he said, " we won't count the first move
in the game. That monkey's gone for good. It is
yoiu- turn. . . . Come along, George ! "

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36 THE GLAND STEALERS

I considered the matter for several minutes before
I spoke.

" Well/' I suggested, at last, " we must first find
an up-to-date surgeon who's willing to undertake the
job. . . . Next, we must get another monkey — a big*
ger and better one than that scrubby little brute you
bought yesterday. Tm in favor of a gorilla, or an
ourang-outang, something with active and power-
ful internal organs. . . . Then we want a list
of the glands you're most likely to require. I don't
think an entire outfit would be advisable at first. One
should go carefully in such matters — ^starting with,
perhaps, two or three new glands. If they're a success
you can extend the enterprise, . . . There's no reason,
for instance, why you shouldn't go one better than
Nature and have some of them in duplicate — a couple
of pairs of each, say. I believe they're all in pairs; but
we can go into that later. It's a big thing, and it will
want a good deal of studying. . . ."

I found my enthusiasm growing.

*' By Jove ! " I cried. " This is going to be some
experiment, Gran'pa! Think of it! You're ninety-
five — ^packed with memories and experiences ; cranlmed
full of calm common-sense, a sort of perambulating
encyclopaedia of acquired knowledge — ^the most valuable
form of wisdom in the world — but at present, you arc
hopelessly handicapped by physical disabilities. Your
senses are deadened, your mind is stupefied, your . . ."

"Gently, George!"

But I couldn't help it. The possibilities underlying
that rejuvenescence were so great that the mere con-
templation of them carried me away.

" Remove all those degenerative influences, those
Jbodily encumbrances," I went on, "and you have

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GRANTA BUYS A MONKEY 37

MIND triumphant Even as you are, you're a won-
derful old man, but with youth on yotu- side. . . ."

" You flatter me, George 1 But it certainly is going
to be a BIG THING 1"

I was going to say more, but at that moment Nanny
entered with the first instalment of dinner.

" We'll begin to-morrow," I said.

Nanny stared at me in amazement, the tray trem-
bling in her hands.

" I was speaking to Gran'pa," I explained.

She put the tray down and looked at both of us a
little doubtfully.

"If this thing's a success," I thought, '^ perhaps
Nanny would like a new outfit, too. I should be sorry
to lose her some day, and here's a very simple
solution of the difficulty. I'll speak to her about
it later. . . ."

We sat down to dinner and, presently, I dnmk to
the success of Gran'pa's great venture into the Un-
known, to that prospective fight of his against the
muffling embrace of Old Age.

"May you regain your youth," I said, simply.
"And your right hand recover its strength and cun-
ning. Here's to you, sir ! "

Molly kicked me under the table and, when Gran'pa
bent over his soup a moment later, she made frenzied,
interrogatory signs to me, with her eyebrows liftea.
I pretended not to understand.

" Daddy," she whispered, " is he going to have
some of those inter-stitches put in? "

I nodded.

"Oo-oo! Isn't it exciting!"

It certainly was ! And Heaven alone knew where
it would end.. . .

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CHAPTER III

WE INSPECT ALFRED

IT turned out later that Gran'pa had already
approached half-a-dozen medical mer. on the
question of the operation, but they had all refused
to undertake such a case.

So the next day I had the following advertisement
inserted in the Agony Column of the Times: —

IN THE INTERESTS OF SCIENCE.— Old
gentleman of ninety-five, with Ai brains but Bi
physique, desires to get into touch with a reliable
and enterprising surgeon, who believes in the new
theory of rejuvenation, with a view to immediate
Glandular Graftings.

I must admit that the wording was reminiscent of
the typical matrimonial appeal, but as the advertiser's
identity was concealed from the British public by means
of a box number, it seemed to matter very little
what method was employed so long as the result
was a success.

I am thankful to say that it was. In spite of my
fears that professional etiquette might stand in the
way, I received over twenty replies from medical men
living in various parts of the country. All of them
were willing, and even anxious, to perform the opera-
tion, but apparently not one was in possession of the
necessary glands. This was an annojang detail, but
such setbacks appear to be inevitable in the initial
stages of all great enterprises. The day may come

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 39

when interstitial glands will form part of the medical,
or rather, physiological equipment of every prac*
titioner in the land, but meanwhile we had to
hustle for ourselves.

So I advertised for a monkey as well.

" Gorilla, chimpanzee or ourang-outang wanted at
once,'' I scribbled on a scrap of notepaper.

Then I judiciously added : —

'' For travelling showman. Must be healthy and
virile. State price and how long the animal has
been resident in England,"

A couple of days later half-a-dozen replies were
received and Gran'pa and I spent the evening in sorting
out the most suitable doctor and ape, preparatory to
bringing them together in this novel "triangle" of
surgeon, man and monkey.

"You've done very well, George, so far," said
Gran'pa. "That was a bright idea of mine to
oflfer you. . . ."

" I've told you before, sir, that I should have
helped in any case."

"Have it your own way, my boy. So long as
I'm satisfied, what's it matter? "

"Not a cent But I won't have you thinking
that greed is my only motive. I'm keenly interested
in the experiment for quite different reasons. Firstly,
you're a relative of mine, and I want to see you happy
and contented. Secondly, I feel like one of the pioneers
or patrons of modem science."

" You'll have the biggest chance of your life as still
another sort of pioneer, if this is a success.

" What do you mean? " I asked.

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40 THE GLAND STEALERS

'' Ahl It is just an idea, at present. But it'll set
the world talking, if I decide to take it up."

"Do tell me, Gran'pal"

" No I One thing at a time, my boy. Just concen-
trate on getting that five thousand dollars first, and. • • ."

''Will you leave that infernal bonus out of the
question I " I cried.

''I apologize 1 Just concentrate on my rejuve-
nation, then! Oh, by the way, I want you to come
round to my solicitor in the morning and sign the agree-
ment I've drawn up."

" You've done nothing so absurd, I hope, as to put
this idiotic bargain on paper."

" No ! It's on parchment. I believe in everything
being shipshape — ^in case of accidents. Now, don't
start arguing, George! "

Gran'pa is the most obstinate old man I know ; so
I refrained from further discussion, and the following
day repaired with him to his solicitors at Lincoln's Inn.

There, we signed a contract which must have been
unique in the annals of legal literature. It ran thus : —

MEMORANDUM OF AGREEMENT made
this eighteenth day of October, One thousand nine
hundred and twenty-one, BETWEEN GEORGE
BARNETT and CHARLES HENRY HADLEY,
both of Northcote, Airesdale Avenue, Richmond, in
the Covmty of Surrey.

WHEREBY IT IS AGREED as follows:—
I. George Bamett shall make himself reason-
ably conversant with the possibilities of rejuvena-
tion by means of the grafting of interstitial glands ;
he shall do all that is in his power to hasten the

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 41

application of the process to the said Charles Henry
Hadley, to make arrangements for the operati<Mi;
and to provide suitable comforts and accommoda-
tion during the patient's convalescence.

2. Furthermore, George Bamett shall apply
himself diligently to helping the said Charles Henry
Hadley to maintain a state of healthy activity dur-
ing the remaining years of the latter's life.

3. In consideration of which, Charles Henry
Hadley shall pay to George Bamett the following
sums of money:

(a) Five thousand dollars on the receipt of
a medical certificate that the operation has
been successful.

(&) Ten thousand dollars for each whole
year during which the said Charles Henry
Hadley shall remain alive, commencing to reckon
as from this date, and payment being made
within one month after the expiration of
each year.

(c) On the death of Charles Henry Hadley,
the said George Bamett or his heirs shall receive
one-fiftieth part of the former's estate for each
completed year of life.
AS WITNESS the hands of both contracting
parties.

We signed the document, and I tumed to Gran'pa.

" Er — ^that clause about one-fiftieth part of the
estate." I said. " Does it mean that you expect to
add another fifty years to your life? '*

"It does! "he replied.

I whistled

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42 THE GLAND STEALERS

*' Phew ! I shall be a doddering old man myself
by then."

" Nonsense 1 You'll avoid that by adopting my
methods. Only you'll start earlier in life.''

" Never ! When my glands give out — ^I shall ! "

''The same sort of argument used to be brought
forward about vaccination — ^the * Let-Nature-take-its-
own-course ' cry. . . . Even to-day there are anti-
vaccination cranks."

"That's different. Vaccination is a safeguard
against disease."

'* Quite so. And this is a safeguard against some-
thing much worse than disease. It's an antidote
to Death."

I could again feel the inclination to argue surging
up in me» but I remembered my dignity and desisted.

" I wish you would tell me about this other * pio-
neer ' stunt of yours," I said, as we emerged into the
sunlit courtyard.

"In the fulness of time"

" I'm terribly curious."

" You won't be able to contain yourself when you
do know. It's been one of your dreams — and mine.
Weill You look like having your chance at last,
George. If only the new glands work," he added,
in parenthesis.

There was a possibility, of course, that this other
secret and alluring project of Gran'pa's was merely
a bait to keep my enthusiasm alive. I suggested this
to him, in the hope that he would relent and satisfy
my curiosity.

"No, George! You must be patient. If you'd
lived as long as I have you'd learn to take tilings

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 43

in logical order. First the glands, then — the glory I "

We had now reached the busy street again — a new
world after the peaceful vicinity of those old offices —
and Gran'pa bought an evening paper. He was always
buying papers now!

Glancing hurriedly through the headings, he gave
vent to a sudden exclamation.

"Ah!"

" What is it? '' I asked, looking over his shoulder.

He retreated into a doorway, sheltered from the
stream of hurrying pedestrians and there pointed to
a heading: —

TEST CASK
And underneath : —

EXPERIMENT ON AN AGED CONVICT.
I read the following details : —

" A Herald dispatch from San Francisco states
that after a convict was hanged at San Quentin
Penitentiary, yesterday, for the murder of his
mother-in-law, the murderer's interstitial glands
were cut out and transplanted in a sixty-year-old
convict as an experiment for the purpose of verify-
ing the recent theory of rejuvenation by this process.
The doctors expect that new physical and mental
strength will be thereby given to the aged convict"

"There you are!" cried Gran'pa. "That's the
Americans all over. They've begun already." He
looked at me wistfully. "I did hope that I might
have had the honor of being the first."

" You'll be a good second, anyhow," I said encour-
agingly. " Cheer up ! "

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44 THE GLAND STEALERS

He was about to fold the paper and put it into his
pocket, when we caught sight of the following : —

BOLT FROM THE BLUE.

*' Considerable excitement was caused in Upper
Richmond Road, Richmond, this morning by a
monkey suddenly dropping from the overhanging
branch of a tree into the lap of a lady seated on
the top of a passing 'bus.

" Pursued by the other passengers, it scrambled
down the rail at the rear and rushed across the
street, where it tried to scale a garden wall. After
a few minutes exciting chase, it was eventually
captured by a constable, who, much to the amuse-
ment of the crowd, took it to the police station.

" Questioned by our correspondent, the authori-
ties stated that, although no charge had been pre-
ferred against the animal for causing an obstruction,
it had been placed temporarily under lock and key,
and is now awaiting its owner.''

"Well, I'm . . . er . . . poor little brute I" ex-
claimed Gran'pa.

" Are you going to claim it? " I asked.

He hesitated a moment, but, brief as his contem-
plation of the matter was, I think that he immediately
realized the impossibility of an old man of ninety-five
calling at a police station for a monkey — particularly
at a time like the present. Naturally, his secret would
be guessed at once.

" No ! " he said, with quiet dignity. " I shan't want
it in any case, now. They'll probably send it to the
Dogs' Home at Battersea, or Scotland Yard— or the
Zoo. Let them! . . . Er. ... as I was going to
say, George, about that sixty-year-dd convict, the

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 45

Americans are a very go-ahead race. I should like you
to pop over to the States some day. . . ."

Already, he was begimiing to lock into the rosy
future!

" We must travel/' he went on, pensively. " Fm
getting bored. I've always wanted to see the world,
but when I was younger I hadn't the money; and whto
I grew older I hadn't the necessary health and vitality.
Life is full of anomalies like that, George."

" It is," I agreed, ruefully.

^'But this business will do away with such diffi-
culties. There's a big future before us."

I responded to that last word. It had a generous
sound about it and awoke ambitions I had buried over
a dozen years ago, when an unkind fate had allowed me
to pass into the soul-destroying ranks of the Civil
Service. Ugh ! How I had vegetated since that ghastly
day on which the list of " successful " candidates had
been published ! How the spirit of adventure had been
slowly suffocated! How flabby-minded I had become!
How mellow ! But now at last there was a door open-
ing. My red-tape-bound soul stirred in its prison and
peered out at a strip of sunlit country where free men
made of life a joyous adventure.

"You're a great man, Gran'pa," I said. "You
make me feel quite old beside you."

He dug me good-humoredly in the ribs.

"There are times, George, when I have thought
you were rather a stick-in-the-mud. But I've put it
down to your job, and the fact that you are British."

" I wish my brains had fizzled out in the examina-
tion room and I'd run away to sea."

" Ah! That's the spirit. You'll be useless on this
new job I shall have for you, unless you're full of fire.

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46 THE GLAND STEALERS

It'll require courage, initiative and plenty of go. There's
only one member of the whole family who has those
qualities at present/'

I waited for what I thought would be the inevitable
reference to himself. But it didn't come.

" You can't guess who it is, George? "

"No !"

" It's Molly, of course. It was she who first put
me on to this gland business. That, if you like, re-
quired courage and initiative. There's a great future
before Molly. She's being lost in England, and I hope
when the time comes that she'll join us in the venture."

He still wouldn't tell me what this Great Idea was,
but when I reached home that evening a thought sud-
denly struck me. I went in search of Molly, caught
sight of her sitting on the top branch of the walnut
tree, and shouted for her to come down.

She descended slowly and carefully.

" You shouldn't have gone up there," I said. " It
is very dangerous. I thought you couldn't climb the
walnut tree."

" Nor did I, till I tried hard, Daddy."

" How often have you done this? "

" Only twice. I thought the monkey might have
built a nest."

I dared not tell her of its present abode in case she
began clamoring for its return. So I asked, innocentiy :

"And had he?"

" I don't think so. But it was fun up there ! I
wish you'd come, Daddy. Gran'pa says he will when
he's got those new glands."

"That reminds me," I said. "Has he tdd you
anything about what he intends doing when he has

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 47

the glands? I mean anything more important than
just climbing trees."

Molly looked down in pensive consideration. She
had evidently been caught unawares.

" Out with it, my child I "

"Daddy— I can't 1"

"Why not?"

" Because I promised Gran'pa I wouldn't tell. He
made me swear, like this."

She moistened her right forefinger with the tip of
her tongue and drew an imaginary cross in front of
her throat and chest. (The wicked old sinner, intimi-
dating my twelve-year-old offspring in this manner !)

" Are we all in this — ^little adventure? " I persisted.

She held her lips tightly together and stared at me
in mute appeal.

Evidendy we were all in it! Her eyes shone and
I could see that she would have gloried in telling
me. Nevertheless, for her oath's sake, I pressed her
no further.

" It's all very, very mysterious," I murmured.

"Never mind. Daddy," she whispered. "You'll
soon know all about it ! "

It was very good of her to try and soothe my
wounded feelings thus, and I felt more determined
than ever to hasten that operation on Gran'pa and reap
the rich reward which was apparently awaiting all
three of us. Far too much time had already been
wasted. To Gran'pa it may have represented only one
little negligible wedc in a life of nearly a hundred years,
but to me it seemed ages since my enthusiasm had been
first awakened. I was eager to complete the contract,
to handle that five thousand dollars, to witness the
rejuvenation of my aged ancestor-in-law, and, above

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48 THE GLAND STEALERS

all, to escape from my Govermnent prison into the
great wide spaces of the earth.

As if in answer to my wild desires, Gran'pa came
out and joined us in the garden, waving a letter aloft
in childish glee.

" Just come by post, George ! " he cried.

"What has?"

" A note from that man with the gorilla. He wants
us to go round and see it this evening."

I read the letter with feverish interest It was
written on a scrap of dirty paper with a blunt pencil,
and told us that '' Alfred " had been landed in England
only five weeks previously. He was in "excellent
health," as " hard as nails," extremely " vichous," but
capable of being "broken in and trained"— if that
was what we wanted him for !

"This is the very thing!" I exclaimed, presently.
" We'll go at once."

" But — dinner, George? " stammered Gran'pa.

" Oh ! That can wait. He says between seven and
eight. It is nearly seven now, and it's silly to risk
getting there too late."

We hurried indoors, bustled into our hats and coats,
and made for the station.

Three-quarters of an hour later we were ushered
into the presence of the " Great Animal King," a travel-
ling showman of huge and formidable dimensions, but
with the manners of a babe.

"This 'ere animull, gentlemen," he explained, as
though he was addressing an audience at a fair, " is
one as I bought about four weeks ago at an auction sale.
I wasn't really in need of it, as you might say, but it
was goin' pretty cheap, and I thought it might come in
'andy later on. An' now I 'avc got it, I can't bring

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 49

myself to like it, somehow. All the other animtills
know me and, if I might say so, we has a slight affec-
tion for one another. But this brute's the queerest cuss
I ever struck — ^ups and snarls at me every time I ap-
proaches the cage, an' begins rattling the bars like a
maniac. He's as quiet as a mouse with the other chaps.
It's me he don't seem to like." He spat expressively.
*' There's the truth in a nutshell. Now we'll go and
take a look at him."

We withdrew from the elaborately fitted caravan
in which we had foregathered, and began picking our
way through a maze of ropes, tent-pegs and that gen-
eral litter of obstacles which invariably surrounds the
tents of a travelling circus or menagerie. As we
approached the largest of the tents, a deep-throated
roar burst on us like a sudden clap of thunder. It was
followed by a medley of tnunpet-like calls and bellow-
ings. The whole place, which had been as silent as
the grave when we had first arrived, was now a den of
enraged and ravening animals. It was as if they were
trying their utmost to scare us away.

" They seem to be very — ^noisy," I ventured.

" Queer things," answered the Great Animal King.
" They spots a stranger at once at this time o' night.
Must be the smell."

I glanced at Gran'pa, trotting along by my side,
and wondered whether it was he or I who most irritated
their sensitive nostrils.

"Here we are!" said our coAipanion, lifting a
great flap of canvas and allowing us to enter.

We passed into the huge arena, waited a moment
until the electric light was switched on, and then began
gazing at the startled animals pacing backwards and
forwards behind the iron bars of their prisons.
4

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50 THE GLAND STEALERS

" That's a fine brute," said the King, pointing to a
great lion, which suddenly paused and eyed Gran'pa
with interest.

"Y-e-s!" I said.

I didn't like the business a bit. There was some-
thing so uncanny in the spectacle of us three poor little
humans surrounded by all his collection of carnivorous
and hungry-looking beasts. It didn't feel safe, and the
object of our visit didn't seem right and fair. It may
have been an epitome of brains versus beef— civilization
versus barbarism — but the whole affair savored too
much of wicked ctmning and evil intentions. The right
and gentlemanly thing wotdd have been for Gran'pa
to have gone into that gorilla's cage unarmed — ^and
fought for his glands. . . .

I turned and looked at the old man. He was very
quiet and solemn— obsessed, no doubt, by the same
dioughts as myself.

" This way, gentlemen," said our companion.

We went forward again and a few moments later
the first part of our Quest for Youth was over.

" There ! " said his Majesty, with a contemplative
expectoration. " That's Alfred I "

For fully half a minute, there was no movement
in the cage, and we merely stood gazing at a heap of
slowly rising and falling straw.

Then an arm and leg protruded and stretched them-
selves. They were followed by one of the most hideous-
looking faces imaginable. Deep-stmk, wicked little
eyes glared at us frcwn beneath heavy, overhanging
ridges of bone ; a cavernous mouth yawned wide open,
with dreadful rows of huge teeth fringing its black-
gummed edges; a thick tuft of hair oscillated up and
down above the low forehead; and suddenly a nerve-

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WE INSPECT ALFRED 51

shattering roar reverberated against the wooden walls
of the cage.

With a bound the animal sprang forward, flung
its arm between two of the iron bars and tried to grab
Gran'pa by his most cherished adornment — ^his long
white beard.

"LookoutI" I cried.

The old man jumped nimbly aside, giving a shout
of amazement and cltmisily treading on my toes.

I steadied him.

"You really ought to be more careful," I said,
glancing at the Animal King, who was chuckling
to himself.

" That chap's the very devil when he's roused,"
said his owner. " Quiet, Alfred I "

Alfred restrained himself for a moment or two,
watching Gran'pa as a cat watches a mouse. There
was evidently something in the old man which aroused
his curiosity, as well as his anger. Or it may have
been an instinctive understanding of the reason of the
visit Who knows?

" George," said Gran'pa, with heartless precision,
" we shan't do better than this."

A roar from the cage greeted this remark, and
Alfred flimg himself at the bars and rattled and shook
at them in abandoned fury.

" May I ask, gentlemen, if you're going to try
and train it? " inquired the King. " Or do you want
it wild?"

Gran'pa lodked at him for a second or two,
abstractedly.

" I don't care how wild it is. In fact the wilder,
Ac stronger, and the more vicious — ^the better."

** Then you've the goods in that cage. I've handled

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52 THE GLAND STEALERS

some of these brutes in my time. But this 'un takes
the biscuit''

''No trace of consumption, I suppose?" asked
Gran'pa, like a young bridegrocxn who has been con-
verted to Eugenics.

" rd eat me 'at I Look at 'imi "

Roar upon roar beat the air, as Alfred told us in
his dumb, animal-like way exactly what he would do
if he had only a chance.

"Quite so!" said Gran'pa. "Let's get out of
herel"

Ten minutes later arrangements had been made for
the safe custody of the animal up to and including the
following Wednesday, when we hoped to have Gran'pa
ready to receive a couple of Alfred's glands.

It was indeed a great day's work, and when we
left that home of brute barbarism I couldn't help pat-
ting the old man's back.

"Satisfied?" I asked.

He answered with the deepest emotion.

" George ! " he said. " I'm not a greedy man. All
I ask for is about a quarter of that brute's energy.
Then I'U be happy!"

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CHAPTER IV

THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE

AFTER the hastily-arranged purchase of Alfred,
the gorilla, we called next day to see Dr.
L Croft, the surgeon, who had been chosen to
bring about the strange union of man and part monkey.

I had expected to see a man of anything from
forty-five to sixty, but we were greeted, instead, by a
mere youngster of about twenty-five or six.

I introduced myself and Gran'pa and got down to
business at once.

"We've procured a gorilla," I said. "A fine,
strapping brute of phencxnenal strength and activity.
If only a tenth of its energy is due to its glands, then
we've found a little gold-mine.''

" That's good ! But I would like to examine Mr.
Hadley before actually committing myself to this —
undertaking. Ninety-five is a great age. He may
not be able to stand the operation."

Dr. Croft became eminently practical. So did
Gran'pa.

Without the least trace of mock modesty, the latter
quickly divested himself of the whole of his clothes,
and stood before us in the same state of nudity as when
he had first appeared on earth nearly a century ago.
And, when one comes to think of it, such a procedure
was quite right and proper, for here was Gran'pa
about to start out into the great world again, to be
re-bom, re-juvenated, re-vitalized, and what could be
more fitting than his entering on this new birth in the

53

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54 THE GLAND STEALERS

usual unclad way? The simplicity of his action moved
me abnost to tears. Before the throne of surgical
wisdom he was no longer a dictatorial, obstinate old
man, but just an obedient child awaiting the pleasure
of its master.

The doctor gazed at him for a while in evident
admiration.

" I must ccMigratuIate you, sir," he said. ** I
wotddn't have believed such a physique possible at
your age."

Gran'pa lost his head a little. He commenced strut-
ting around the room, erect, and as proud as Punch!
His long white beard and grajrish hair looked peculiarly
unreal, and his hands and face showed the wrinkled
signs of age, but the rest of his figure startled one by
its quaint boyishness. Certainly, there was no elasticity
in his step and no youthful swing in his carriage, but,
in spite of that, he gave one the distinct impression of
being a boy— dressed up in mask and wig and beard —
emulating the antics of an old man 1

" I've taken great care of myself," he remarked,
as he drew nearer for a more minute examination.
" And this is the result A couple of years' carelessness
half-a-century ago, and I mightn't have been here
to-day — ^ready to take advantage of this wonderful
discovery. Proceed, doctor ! "

Dr. Croft began with the inevitable stethoscope,
the tapping of chest and back, the " Say ninety-nine,"
the " Take a deep breath," " Now hold it! "—and so
on. With grim and relentless efficiency, he delved into
every nook and cranny of the old man's past and pres-
ent. He pumped him of confessions which were new
even to me. Physiologically and psychologically, poor
old Gran'pa was turned inside out and upside down and

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 55

round about, until we had an almost complete analysis
of his life. The examination was thorough, ably-con-
ducted, and a conclusive testimony of his ability to face
both the operation and the future without fear.

'' I'm willing to undertake this case," said the doc-
tor. " I may say, sir, that I am proud to do so."

" Good ! " exclaimed Gran'pa. " When will you
be ready?"

"Anytime!"

*' Make it to-morrow, then ! "

'*I shall want you under my care for at least
twenty-four hours beforehand."

"Very well!"

I may be mistaken, but I have always felt that
it must be extremely unnerving to face an operation
when one is feeling perfectly fit and well. Even when
such a course is necessary the tendency is to postpone
the evil day — ^not to hasten it. But it was not actually
necessary in Gran'pa's case ; it was more in the nature
of an experiment, an attempt to ward off that intangible
and distant something which we call Death, a thrusting-
back of the great clock-hands of Life. I felt humbled
before such courage.

"You've grit, Gran'pa!" I said "And you'll
deserve— everything you get."

" Tut! tut! In a few years' time this will be one
of the recognized ordeals in life, like a visit to the
dentist ! " he chuckled.

"That is certainly the most reasonable attitude
to adopt," agreed Dr. Croft.

Gran'pa began clothing himself again, in a leisurely
half-hearted fashion, which semed to suggest that, if
he could have had his own way, he would have had the
operation there and then.

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56 THE GLAND STEALERS

I drew Dr. Croft a little further away and arranged
everything in detail. He appeared to be a very sen-
sible and brainy young man, and I felt that he could
be trusted to do his best.

. ** Do you think these glands will work all right? "
I asked presently.

He began making a speech. I could see it coming.
I was even afraid that it might be a lecture. But I
made no resistance.

"I won't say, yet/' he answered. "It's not merely
a question of new glands and new vital essences. At
such an age as your grandfather's, a considerable har-
dening of the tissues and arteries has taken place. The
bones are more brittle, the cartilage partly ossified, the
skin less elastic, the nerves less sensitive, and, of course,
the hair and teeth are going. His heart is very strong,
however, and given that, I believe almost anything
is possible."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and Dr. Croft proceeded
to deliver a fifteen-minute technical dissertation on the
cause of old age. He also spoke of the new method of
rejuvenation by means of glandular graftings as if he
had first learned of it in the nursery — and didn't think
very much of it.

In a pessimistic peroration, he said :

"There may be a thousand and one arguments
in favor of this new theory, but perhaps in the end there
will be just one damning little detail which will circum-
vent the whole process of repair. Now you can under-
stand why I don't wish to be too dogmatic in this case."

I did I (As a drowning man sees the lights of a
distant ship.)

He began again — ^just as I was hoping that he had
finished — and inflicted on me a further lecture, dealing

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 57

solely with the functions of "'ductless glands'' in
general (whatever they may be).

Through the comer of my eye I saw Gran'pa fas-
tening his braces in a quiet, contemplative manner —
apparently oblivious of the fact that his possibilities
were being discussed in such astounding detail. I also
saw that he was having some little diffictdty with his
boot-laces and his collar, muttering to himself the
while. No doubt the stress of the last half-hour had
made him a trifle shaky. But he bore up bravely.

So did I. And then at last, I realized that Dr. Croft
had finished.

My poor, numbed brain tried to grapple with this
sudden influx of new knowledge. In my supreme
ignorance I had hitherto looked on the body as just a
fairly simple ccmtrivance of beef, bone, blood and
brain, with a digestive apparatus for turning Foods
into Human Being* Instead of that, we appeared to be
one conglomeration of complicated and mysterious
glands. All else was merely subsidiary.

As a little child speaks to its teacher, I said :

" How many of these do you propose grafting into
Gran'pa?"

"The thsrroids only. We will see how these
work first."

" Do you agree, Gran'pa? " I shouted.

" I leave myself entirely in Dr. Croft's hands,"
replied Gran'pa, doing up the last of his buttons.

" Very well," I said, turning to the doctor again.
" We'll have just the two thyrdds to begin with; and
I'll see that he is round here by ten o'clock in the
morning. Good-by!"
^ We escaped to the open air once more, Gran'pa

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S8 THE GLAND STEALERS

linking his arm through mine, as if in dire need
of comfort.

"Last day of the old life, George," he observed,
with an attempt at cheerfulness. " Let's go and have
a drink, to . . . celebrate it. Thank God that, for the
moment at any rate, we are in England ! "

If I needed a stimulant, how much more did he?

We had two whiskies each, partly recovered our
composure, and then went home.

There Gran'pa sank into his chair with a sigh and
called Molly over to him.

"A little kiss, MoUikins," he said. "That's
better. . . ."

And then:

" I'm tired out, George ; and I've no appetite for
dinner. I think I'll have a basin of bread and milk
and go straight to bed. That medical examination has
rather unnerved me."

" Oh, you mustn't think about it You'll be all
right after a night's rest."

" It isn't the ... job itself. It's the thought that
perhaps . . ." He pulled himself together. "Molly!
A bowl of nice hot bread and milk — ^made by your
own hands."

Molly — ^who could never be accused of being merely
ornamental — adjourned to the kitchen, and pres-
ently returned with Gran'pa's last supper tmder the
old regime.

He ate it a trifle sibilantly, and very thoughtfully,
Molly insisting on kneeling by his side and holding
the bowl as if it were an offering. I admired her tact
and motherly concern.

" Night-night ! " he said, at last.

" I shall give you ten minutes only," cautioned

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 59

Molly. '" And then I shall come up and tuck you in —
and you can tell me a story."

Gran'pa chuckled.

"Neither of us deserves her, George," he whis-
pered, as he went by me. " She's worth half-a-dozen
whiskies as a pick-me-up."

He shufSed out of the room in his carpet slippers
and Molly glanced at the dock to note the time.

"Daddy," she asked, "when's he going to the
doctor?"

" To-morrow, dear."

" Is it . . . very dangerous? "

" No 1 Not a bit ! You mustn't worry. He'll soon
be home again."

She took my hand, and looked at his empty chair
by the fireside. It seemed as if some dread shadow
had fallen on us. I realized how much poor old Gran'pa
had become part of the house, the furniture, and even
of ourselves — ^how keenly we should miss him during
his absence in the nursing home.

The thought of the one-in-a-hundred chance of his
dying was intolerable. I refused to dwell on it. Neither
would I let Molly.

"You'll have great times when he does return,"
I said

" I know ! He's been telling me simply heaps of
things he's going to do."

She grew more cheerful at the thought of this —
but still kept a watchful eye on the clock.

" Time's up! " she exclaimed at last.

A moment or two later I could hear creaking move-
ments upstairs and the faint nmible of Gran'pa's voice
as he began telling her a story.

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6o THE GLAND STEALERS

I listened for several minutes; and then silence
descended — and so did Molly.

'* He's gone to sleep/' she half-whispered. " He
often does that when he's story-telling."

"Just as well, my child. . . . Now for dinner! "

The meal passed quietly and a little sadly. Try
as I would, it seemed impossible to shake off the air
of anxiety which had settled on us

But the next morning everyone was bright and
cheerful again. It may have been due to the bustle and
excitement — and the really excellent breakfast which
Nanny had prepared for us.

Gran'pa and I went to Dr. Croft's in a taxi, and
Alfred arrived an hour or so later in a Ford van — after
which I bade the old man good-bye and good luck.

" Don't let Molly worry over me, George," he said.
" Everything will turn out all right in the. end. I can
feel it. 'Phone up Dr. Croft to-morrow and drop in
to see me the day after. You won't know me! . . .
Au revoir ! "

I returned home. The day dragged slowly by; so
did the morning of the next.

At one o'clock I rang up Dr. Croft.

"Well?" I asked, as soon as I heard his voice.
"How is the old chap?"

" Excellent ! He refused at first to believe that the
operation had been performed. I never met such a
man. Now he's actually asking for his pipe."

"That sounds healthy! No danger of a relapse,
I suppose?"

" Practically none. The anaesthetic was the only
risk at his age."

"Give him my love — and Molly's — and tell him
I'll be round for a chat to-morrow."

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A minute later, Molly and Nanny heard the good
news. The former received it joyfully, but the latter
a little sceptically — as if convinced that no good could
possibly come of such irreverent tamperings with
Nature's laws of growth and decay. '

" I do hope he'll recover," said the poor old soul.
'Tve missed him a good deal."

"We all have, Natnny. But we've suffered in a
good cause. So has Gran'pa. It requires some courage
to strike out afresh at his age. He's an example to the
old men of his generation."

A reaction set in at once. I felt not only a sense
of great relief, but also one of exhilaration. My curi-
osity was intense. '

How soon (if ever) would Gran'pa begin to show
signs of approaching youth? Would he rejuvenate
mentally or only physically? Would he show merely
less tendency to doze and mumble, or would he become
the alert and energetic man he was fifty years ago?
Supposing the whole affair simply resulted in a mere
prolongation of life — stripped of all its zest — ^what
then? Would he, or any of us, be the happier for it?
Woiddn't it be rather pointless?

I must admit that (quite apart from the monetary
reward for my industry) I was in favor of complete
rejuvenation — ^something which would reduce his age
to about forty, say. There were big possibilities if this
happened ; and I wanted to share in them.

But, as I had expected, he progressed very slowly
at first.

When I saw him the day after the operation he was
still Gran'pa — as old as ever, and just as deaf. He
talked a great deal, and pretended to feel much better

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62 THE GLAND STEALERS

already. He even asserted that his appetite had im-
proved — a sure sign of youthf ulness I

As time went on, however, I noted the coming of
a distinct glow in his cheeks, a brightness in his eyes,
a clearness in his voice, and an improvement in his
hearing. But all these I put down to the few weeks
he had spent under the care of a trained nurse, and
to the tablets of thyroid extract which he had also
been taking. It seemed absurd to attribute any change
yet to Alfred's glandular influence.

At the end of the third week I arranged to fetch
Gran'pa home the following Wednesday and, imme-
diately I announced the news, the house was upside
down with excitement and anticipation.

Molly, whom I had taken with me twice to see
the invalid, was like a little wild thing. Every hour of
the day she was bursting out with fresh ideas of how
she could best welcome Gran'pa back to the fold.

For myself, I looked forward to his return not only
with curiosity but with pleasure. The house had not
been the same since he left it. We all felt that. Time
and time again Nanny confessed that there was *' some-
thing missing, . . ."

On the Monday afternoon I was standing at the
window, thinking that, within forty-eight hours, we
should all be happily united again, when suddenly I
heard a shriek from Molly in the garden. A moment
later I saw her dash towards the gate and, following
the direction of her gaze, an astounding vision greeted
me. Gran'pa was coming down the street by himself!

When I say " coming," I say it reservedly. It is
a weak and inadequate word with which to describe
his method of arrival.

Gran'pa — ^the horrible truth must out ! — ^was scoot^

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ing! He was not doing it with one foot standing on
a strip of board and the other knocking against the
pavement, as is the wont of small children, but with
both feet firmly placed on a platform of spacious dimen-
sions and both hands gripping a pair of elaborately-
fitted handlebars. He was seated, too t In other words,
he had reached that acme of modem locomotion — ^the
motor scooter!

He came down our sedate and peaceful Avenue at
a good, steady ten miles an hour, with his long beard
parted by the playful breeze and his hat pulled down
over his eyes — a mad caricature of an old man of
ninety-five, a dream, a nightmare !

I saw some little children come running round the
comer of the road, like a pack of hotmds after a
fox. And I saw startled faces appear at windows
and doors, the most startled and shocked of all being
Mrs. Tarrant, the wife of the Baptist minister. I
even saw the dim, blue outline of a policeman slowly
approaching from the opposite direction.

It was a terrible situation for a man like myself —
a respectable and trusted Servant of the Public — to
know that in a moment or two Gran'pa would pull
up at my front door and bring eternal shame and ridi-
cule on the family.

In spite of this, however, I could not refrain from
dashing bareheaded into the street and adding myself
to that scandalized string of spectators which now
dotted both sides of the Avenue.

Molly was laughing, and clapping her hands
joyfully.

*' I knew it was Gran'pa ! " she cried. " And— he's
got a motor scooter I "

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64 THE GLAND STEALERS

Even to her childlike and finite intelligence the
painful truth was obvious.

"Restrain yourself!" I admonished. "Do think
of the neighbors I "

And then Gran'pa drew his machine up at the side
of the pavement. There was a sharp explosion, a
puff of smoke issued from the rear of the platform,
and strange quivers shook the framework.

The next moment Gran'pa toppled over into the
gutter, where he began struggling with levers, handle-
bars and revolving wheels. The motor scooter seemed
to be trying either to escape from or run over its pas-
senger ; but thanks to Gran'pa's extraordinary presence
of mind, he managed to touch the right button, and the
thing at last became silent and lifeless.

I helped him to his feet.

" Thank you, George I " he said, with an air of
breezy politeness.

" Don't mention it," I replied beneath my breath.
" Anything I can do to hasten the terminati(»i of this
insane exhibition of childish enthusiasm. ..." I
lost myself in the attempt to express my precise
emotions.

" A mere side-slip," he murmured, using his hand
as a species of carpet-beater. " I had a little trouble
in starting, but didn't expect this." He again struck
dust from his coat and trousers.

Molly's self-control gave way and she broke into an
unmusical " run " of explosive giggles.

I looked at Gran'pa, smacking himself; at Molly,
trying to stuff a handkerchief into her mouth; at the
ugly, motionless machine in the gutter ; at the sprawl-
ing patch of grease on the pavement; and, lastly, at
the inevitable "gathering of clans" — ^that conver-

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 65

gence of fellow creatures on any scene which is rich
in '' possibilities."

"Molly I Take that wretched contrivance 'round
to the back/' I conunanded, at the same time seizing
Gran'pa by the arm.

But, with a sudden twist, the (Ad man freed himself,
and behaved like a schoolboy with a new bicycle.

''No!'' he said, firmly. "I'll look after that,
thank you I "

" I don't care who loc^s after it," I snapped, " so
long as we get the beastly thing away before the
crowd arrives."

"All right, George! You needn't lose your
temper ! "

He caught hold of the handlebars and I picked up
his hat from the pavement. Much to the spectators'
amusement (and sorrow), we hastily withdrew to the
security of the back garden, where Gran'pa again began
to make himself objectionable.

" I'm afraid it may have been damaged," he said,
peering rotmd and about it. " I'll just try it down
the path here."

" If you run into my celery bed I'll murder you! "
I growled in the sotto voce I so often adopted with
the old man.

But this time he had actually heard !

" Don't be irritable, George ! And don't mumble
under your breath. Speak up ! "

He placed his right foot on board, pulled a lever,
pushed off with his left foot, and away he went, with
a quick little " chug^hug-chug" Where the gooseberry
bushes bordered th^ narrow path, he swerved a little,
and again where the celery beds lay on each side of
5

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66 THE GLAND STEALERS

him like newly-dug graves, but, save for these two
temporary diversions, he kept a straight and steady
course until he reached the fowl-run at the extreme
end of the garden. There he suddenly turned at right
angles and disappeared.

I lodced at Molly, who had been standing spell-
bound and inarticulate by my side. To me, Gian'pa's
antics had been an annoying^ revelation of puerile activ-
ity, but to Mdly they had been a sheer miracle of
delight A motor scooter alone would have entranced
her; so would a rejuvenated great-great-grandfather.
The combination of the two, however, had simply para-
lyzed her. She was in a wonderful present, but at
tiie same time, the little minx evidently had her mind's
eye on a still more wonderful and fruitful future.

" Daddy I *' she exclaimed breathlessly.

I turned a sad and disillusioned face to her.

" Isn't it simply scrumptious t '' she continued with
unabated enthusiasm.

'' It's very undignified for a man of his age and
respectability — bringing shame on his relations like
this."

"You aren't really angry. Daddy?"

" I'm more than angry. I can see red — scarlet!

" Chug-chug-chug/' I heard in the distance.

Then a single, clear-cut : " Bang! "

Then silence.

" If he's nm into those Buff Orpington's," I cried,
" there'll be a murder committed ! "

But no ! Gran'pa had evidently stopped his machine
merely to turn round and start on the homeward
journey again.

''Pop-pop-pop I**

Then that quiet, steady ''Chug-chug-chug*' once

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 67

moret and the ungodly contrivance came spinning round
the corner and up the garden path at a good ten to
twelve miles an hour.

** It — goes — ^fine ! " panted Gran'pa as he alighted
by our side.

** Suppose we garage it in the coal-house/' I sug-
gested, dully. " Then we might go indoors and leave
the neighbors in peace.''

I motioned in the direction of five or six back bed-
room windows, behind whose curtains we saw the dim
outlines of a score of curious faces ^ring down on us.

"The scullery or kitchen would be much cleaner
and better," said Gran'pa.

I glared at him with awful severity.

" Do you want Nanny to give notice? " I inquired.

" Not at all I Not at all I A very capable woman.
A bit fractious at times, perhaps. . . . But I don't
see how she can object to a little thing like this. • . /'

"Oh! Don't you? Very well! Try her! I wash
my hands of the whole affair."

Then Molly joined in. She. wanted to scoot!
Naturally, she did ! It was excusable at her immature
age. But I was adamant

•' No! " I said. *' Go indoors, Molly, at once! "

"But— Daddy. ..."

" No ' buts ' ! Do as I tell you. We've had quite
enough excitement for one day."

" A little nm down the garden wouldn't hurt her,
George," pleaded Gran'pa.

I could see at once that if I didn't treat them both
as a couple of unruly children there was going to be
still worse trouble in the future. So I wrested the
machine from Gran'pa, overcame my own desire to

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68 THE GLAND STEALERS

test it, and wheeled it quicldy towards the coal-house,
while Molly and the did man fdlowed ruefully and
protestingly behind.

Only when the thing was safely garaged and under
lock and key did I once more feel at ease.

''You're acting in a very high-handed manner,
George/' said Gran'pa.

"It is necessary I"

"Tut— tut 1"

''It's not 'tut-tut I" I snapped, completely losing
my temper. "This is my house and my garden —
and my child. I won't have them publicly disgraced
and demoralized by such clownish antics. Do try
and be a reasonable person and think of your dignity
—-even if you won't think of mine."

He grew calmer and more docile at that. He even
performed the unnerving ceremony of apologizing.

" That's all right," I answered, hurriedly. " Let's
get in the house and hide. I feel that every eye in the
Avenue is on this place. We're visible even from here."

He glanced up at the bedroom windows of the two
neighboring houses, and at last retreated through the
kitdiendoor.

In the sheltered security of my own dining-room
I sought further information on this strange outbreak
of second childhood. With a look of the utmost
parental severity, I checked Molly's excited flow of
questions and ordered her either to leave the room or -
to be quiet. Seeing that I was roused and angry, she
tactfully obeyed, and sat down on the edge of a diair,
staring at Gran'pa in wide-eyed admiration and amaze-
ment. I turned and faced him.

" I think you'll admit. ..." I began, sternly.

" I won't admit anything, George, if you're going

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 69

to adopt that lecturing attitude. Give it upl It irritates
me. Is it a lifelong habit or have you acquired it only
since 7 came to live with you? "

With a thoughtful and ominous precision, I filled
my pipe and lit it

'' Thank you! " said Gran'pa, extending his hand.

"I beg your pardon!" I replied, frigidly giving
him my pouch.

"Now, George!"

For five or six more awful seconds I kept my face
straight and dignified. Then I gave way. I couldn't
help it. I laughed — and laughed — and laughed. That
vision of Gran'pa, coming down the Avenue on his
scooter, reminded me of a performing ape, I had once
seen, careering round the Coliseum stage on a tiny
motor cycle. I thought of the face of the Baptist
minister's wife, three doors further down the street.
I thought of the patch of oily messiness on the pave-
ment outside. And I thought of all the serious non-
sense we had gone through to bring about this sudden
spurt of venturesomeness in poor old Gran'pa.

» Why— did you— do it? " I gurgled.

" Come, come, George ! Do pull yourself together."

I quietened down a little and wiped my eyes.

"Have you been properly discharged?" I asked.
" Or is it an escape? "

Gran'pa didn't like the last word. He lit his pipe
and puffed at it, furiously.

" I left Dr. Croft's because I've practically recov-
ered and because I never did like hospitals."

" But why did the doctor arrange for me to come
and fetch you next Wednesday? "

"I haven't the least idea. I felt extremely well

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70 THE GLAND STEALERS

this morning and I thought I woold return home.
That's aU!"

"' Couldn't you get a taxi? '' I asked.

" Perhaps I'd better explain. After lunch I went
out for a stroll and noticed one of these motor scooters
in a shop-window. It looked very enticing, George.
So I entered the shop and inquired. The man got me to
try it down the backyard once or twice."

''Ah! That's the modem enterprising salesman
all over. He didn't care whether you broke your neck
or not so long as he got your money."

" Nothing of the sort. He thought I wanted it for
scMneone else and even offered to send it."

" How perfectly charming of him! "

Gran'pa ignored the comment and continued:

" It was only after I'd tried it once or twice that
I suddenly realized how enjoyable it would be to get
one. So I bought it, with the intention of returning to
the hospital. On the way back, however, I altered my
mind. I don't like that nurse, George. She would only
have carried on to me about it if I'd returned on that
scooter. So I changed my mind — and came home
instead. . • •

"Then neither the doctor nor the nurse knows
where you are? " I gasped.

"No! You might ring up after dinner and tell
them.

"Fofi might!"

"Very well, George!" he answered, affably.
" Don't let us quarrel over trifles."

I gazed at him, pensively.

" Do you attribute all this superabundance of energy
to the— glands? " I asked.

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THE AVENUE HAS A SURPRISE 71

''I think they've helped I fed fitter than I've
done for years."

He certainly looked it. '

The following morning I handed him my copy
of The Daily Sketch, on the front page of which was
a large photograph of Gran'pa speeding down Regent
Street on his scooter.

''You'll be pleased to find yourself in the papers
already," I remarked, dryly.

"You don't say so!"

" Yes, I do. But it's nothing to what I thinkt ''

"Mollikins!" he cried with the enthusiasm of a
twelve-year-old schoolboy. " Come and look at this ! "

She darted to his side and together they pored over
the pictorial journalist's idea of " news."

Before I left for town that mornings I took
Nanny aside.

"For Heaven's sake," I warned her, "keep an eye
on those two and see that they don't get into mischief
while I'm away."

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CHAPTER V

THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN

AFTER making all the allowance I could for
Zjk Gran'pa's novel home-coming, I was under
JL jL the impression that once those new glands
were safely embedded in him his progress from old
age to youth would be a slow and rhythmic movement,
like the gradual and normal recovery from an illness.
But, alas, I was mistaken. There was no doubt about
Gran'pa's progress, but instead of being steady and
even, it followed a wild zigzag course, interspersed
with sudden outbreaks of half-delirious childishness.
To-day, he was sensible and quiet and dignified. To-
morrow, he was silly and noisy and skittish. He had
apparently either developed a dual character or was
suffering from a grave lack of self-control.

The only reasonable explanation I can give of these
phenomena is that Gran'pa had been dozing and dream-
ing in the peaceful backwaters of life until he had
grown extremely stiff and awkward. Now that he
was at last awakening, he was metaphorically pinching
himself, stretching, kicking out, getting rid of that
objectionable '' pins-and-needles " sensation, and giving
vent to little whoops of joy at finding the grim night-
mare of impending deadi was untrue. In this half-
sleeping, half-waking state, his perspective naturally
was distorted, and he did many things which were
shamefully undignified and childish. The experiment
with the motor scooter was certainly the most dramatic
of all these "outbreaks," for it was the least expected,
and had found me totally unprepared.

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 73

As the days passed, however, I grew more accus-
tomed to his freaks, and came to regard them as the
natural result of adding another " yotmg " member to
the family. Some men would undoubtedly have called
in a mental specialist when Gran'pa attached half a
walnut shell to the kitten's tail and spent the whole
morning watching the poor little creature waltzing and
somersaulting round the dining-room floor. But I
preferred to adopt the more Christian-like attitude of
viewing the incident merely as a good-humored, boyish
lark. After all, it didn't hurt the cat and it certainly
amused Gran'pa and kept him out of further mischief —
so what harm was there?

But when he began inciting Molly, who was already
quite enough of a handful, I found it necessary to be
very firm with him.

Without wishing to give the impression that Vm
a kill-joy where youngsters are concerned, I must admit
that I believe in a certain amount of juvenile restraint,
even in these days of enlightenment and free education.

The case in point — ^which is only one of many
dozens which occurred in the six months succeeding the
operation — ^was actually due to my own thoughtless-
ness, and I record it in detail to show that one cannot
be too careful when dealing with the young.

Ever since Molly was eight years old, I had cele-
brated her birthday by taking her to see that hardy old
stage annual " Peter Pan." This year, I thought that
it would be a gracious act to include Gran'pa in the
ceremony, more particularly as he had just paid me that
initial five thousand dollars, due under Clause 3 (a)
of our written agreement.

So the three of us journeyed up to town early, had

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74 THE GLAND STEALERS

dinner, and then went to the theatre to see Barrie's
wonderful version of Eternal Youth.

As Gran'pa had not been to a theatre since he was
sixty-live — ^that is over thirty years previously — it was
not surprising to find him deeply moved by the opening
scene in the nursery. When Mrs. Darling sang her
three offspring to sleep in their little cots, I noticed
Gran'pa sentimentally blinking his eyes.

Presently, Peter Pan entered and Gran'pa sat up
and became very restless. He craned his neck upwards
and forwards and sideways to improve his view of
the stage; he twitched, he made little excited grunts of
merriment, he giggled when Peter let Tinker-bell out
of the drawer, and he roared when the boys began
taking lessons in the art of fljnng.

As the play proceeded so Gran'pa's excitement grew,
until people in front commenced turning around and
glowering at us.

" Restrain yourself, Gran'pa ! " I whispered, nudg-
ing him in the ribs.

" Do what, George? " he asked, without even taking
his eyes off the stage.

" Keep quiet and don't fidget so much."

" But it's so exciting! "

He quietened down for a little while, but completely
lost his head when the underground scene came on.
The first appearance of the pirates and the wolves
had been trying enough to his feeble powers of self-
restraint, but they were nothing to those thrilling mo-
ments, when the pirates vanquished the Indians and
captured the children, and the green-faced Captain
Hook poisoned Peter's medicine.

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 75

When the curtain dropped on that scene, Gran'pa
was in a terrible state of excitement.

" Come and have a brandy," I whispered.

"Thanks, George! I think I will."

I led him to the bar and there he steadied his nerves
and I quenched my thirst

After that, he was much better and managed, with-
out collapsing, to get through the ghastly nightmare of
the Doodle-Doo Quest on the Pirate Ship. But there
were moments when Molly and I were compelled to
hold him down in his seat

" Disgraceful ! " I heard someone growl behind us.

"Absurd, bringing a doddering old chap of that
age! " whispered another.

In spite of the low, angry murmurs of the audience
in our immediate vicinity, we contrived, however, to
sit through the whole play without causing a riot, and
when we eventually left the theatre, I explained to
Gran'pa exactly what I thought of him.

" I couldn't — ^help it ! " he said listlessly, as if every
drbp of his energy had gone.

"But it's so pitifully weak, and selfish, behaving
as you did," I remonstrated. " Think how it annoyed
the other members of the audience."

He tried to answer but could not

Then his legs gave way, and he suddenly sat down
on the pavement and began crjring hysterically.

I called a taxi, gathered him up, and hustled him
into it, where he sat twitching in the comer like a
man with Saint Vitus' dance.

Although I don't pretend to understand very much
about medical science, I do know that th3rroid gland
secretion has a remarkably stimulating effect on the
mental faculties. With too little of it, one is dull and

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76 THE GLAND STEALERS

lifeless; with too much of it, one is active and highly
strung. Could it be that Alfred's glands were too
vigorous, and that what was normally good for monkey
was abnormally bad for man? It was a very dis-
comfiting thought, and I grew so alarmed at Gran'pa*s
condition that I decided to get him a bromide draught
It would, at any rate, afford temporary relief.

So we drew up at the nearest chemist's shop, where
I bought Gran'pa a soothing powder.

" Stick your tongue out," I ordered, when I re-
turned to the taxi.

He protested at first, but soon gave way, and I
carefully tipped the white pacifier into the centre of
the scoop-shaped receptacle which he was holding out
in readiness.

** Now swill it down with this,'' I said, handing him
a glass of water.

Again he obeyed.

Then he setded back in his comer and fell
sound asleep.

" This is cheerful ! " I thought. " How on earth are
we going to get him into the train at Waterloo? "

I considered the matter for a moment, and finally
came to the conclusion that we should have to
taxi home.

Much to Molly's delight, I broke the news to the
reluctant driver, and away we sped at last.

When we got back, Nanny and I put Gran'pa to
bed, gave him a glass of hot milk and hoped for
the best

The following morning he came down to breakfast,
looking more aggressively energetic than ever.

" You're very full of beans," I said

He braced his shoulders.

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN ^^

"Yes," he replied. "It must have been that
powder, George!"

" That was a soothing powder, man! " I exclaimed.
''Not a tonic"

"You don't say sol"

" I certainly bought it as such ! "

He looked into the fire for a moment or so, in mild
contemplation. Then he turned to me again.

" That was a wonderful play, George. D'you know
jany more like it?"

" No 1 It's unique. Even if it were not, I wouldn't
jtake you to another of the same kind."

"Why not?"

" Can't you remember? "

" I recollect being very interested in it"

"Is that all? "I gasped.

He paused.

" I was dreaming a good deal last night," he con-
fessed, sheepishly.

" What sort of dreams? "

"Oh! Nightmare and things. . . . That fellow
Captain Hook was after me. So were those wolves."

His eyes were shining and his cheeks glowing.
There was no doubt that "Peter Pan" had left a
very vivid impression on him.

" Would you like me to send for Dr. Croft?" I
asked.

"No! Certainly not! Don't you ever get . . .
roused, George?"

"Yes! I did last night!"

" Wonderful play! " he murmured, entirely missing
my point. "Wonderful ... !"

That was the refrain throughout breakfast. Both

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78 THE GLAND STEALERS

Molly and he excitedly went over nearly every detail
of the piece. Wolves, Indians, Pirates, Underground
Houses, Mermaids, Fairies — all these provided far
more sustenance than mere marmalade and toast and
bacon. Indeed, for the next week or so " Peter Pan "
was the chief topic of conversation between the juvenile
and rejuvenated members of the household. It became
an obsession with them.

I couldn't understand it, because no play, however
wonderful, could possibly produce such an effect by
itself. Was there any other influence at work on Molly
and Gran'pa? I concluded that there was, for pres-
ently they began whispering together, nudging one
another, and occasionally making furtive signs dur-
ing meal-times.

"What are you both up to?" I asked one day.
"Why do you keep winking at your grandfather/
Molly ?"

" It's . . . only in fun, Daddy."

"Quite so! But what is the fun?"

" IDon't bully her, George! " butted in Gran'pa.

" Is this my child, or yours? " I demanded.

The old sinner's eyes twinkled.

" I'm remotely responsible," he said.

" You're directly responsible for some other under-
hand work that is going on. Since you two have joined
forces, Molly's behavior has become the last word in
Trightfulness.' That's bad enough in all omscience,
after the years of good example I've set her, but what
really hurts is the fact that she neglects me, too. I
might easily be a stranger in my own house ! "

Molly was at my side in a second, with her arms

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 79

round my neck and a glowing little cheek pressed
against min^.

" Daddy t I don't neglect you ! I only play with
Gran'pa more than I used to."

" You never play with me/' I growled.

«Oo— 00— 00! ... I did last night!"

" Merely out of pity. You didn't want to."

" Only because I was tired, Daddy. . . ."

'* There you are ! Why are you so tired nowadays ?
You didn't used to be. It's because you waste all your
energy larking with Gran'pa, while I'm slaving at the
office all day. Then there is nothing left for me in
the evenings."

I caught her glancing fearfully in the old man's
direction, and knew at once that they actually were up
to something.

" Gran'pa," I said. " What is this terrible secret
which is eating into my daughter's life and destroying
our happy home? "

" Don't be absurd, George ! "

" Very well ! I shall find out sooner or later. . . ."

Both Molly and her confederate grew very quiet
at this threat of ultimate discovery.

I looked at Gran'pa sternly.

" Is it," I asked, " anything to do with that wonder-
ful project, about which you have confided in Molly,
but not in me?"

"You silly old Daddy I Of course it isn't!"
cried Molly.

" Nothing whatever to do with it, George ! " cor-
roborated Gran'pa.

Molly pushed her fingers pensively through my hair.
She was evidently wavering.

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8o THE GLAND STEALERS

''ShaUI teU him?'' she pleaded at last to her
abettor.

"It's not fair to worry her likt this, George!"
he exdaimed.

" All right ! Don't bother I The day has evidently
come when even my own child turns against me."

Molly was now on the verge of confession but at
the fifty-ninth minute of the eleventh hour, Gran'pa
overcame her. He deliberately placed the forefinger
of his right hand in his mouth, took it out again and
made the sign of a cross on his beard I Molly watched
him, like a rabbit hypnotized by a snake.

" I can't, Daddy ! " she murmured) clutching spas-
modically at my hair. '' It's wicked to break a
promise. . . ."

And that is precisely where the matter stood for
the next two days. My curiosity pulled one way and
Molly's honor the other. I think the two forces were
about equally matched. Luck, however, eventually
gave my side the advantage — and the dread secret was
suddenly out in all its startling nakedness.

One evening, instead of returning home about six,
as I had expected, I came back a couple of hours earlier.
It was a cold, wet, miserable winter's day, and I natur-
ally concluded that Molly and Gran'pa would be amus-
ing themselves in front of a roaring fire. Imagine my
surprise when Nanny said that they were in the tool-
house outside — " making something."

I hurried out to see what mischief was afoot; but
there was no sign of them anywhere.

" That's funny," I said to Nanny. " They're not
there. Are you certain? "

'* Quite ! " she answered, a little wearily. *' They've
been out since two o'clock."

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 8i

I went to the tool-house again, and even looked
under and into things. Still no trace !

"They must be indoors!" I said.

Nanny looked at me wildly. The last few weeks
had told on her, and I regret to say that she was
not the woman she had been.

"They went out at two," she reiterated, slowly
and firmly. "And thejr*ve not come back into this
house again, or I should have seen them."

"But — ^they must be somewhere!" I exclaimed,
growing alarmed.

" I'm sure they're old enough to look after them-
selves. Tve got plenty to do without. . . ."

" Come, come, Nanny! Don't lose your temper! "

" Lose my temper ! " she cried, suddenly bursting
the dams which had been holding back the accumulated
floods of weeks of storm and tempest. " If you'd had
to put up with half what I have, you'd pack up your
things and go this very minute."

" But why didn't you tell me of this before? "

She snorted.

"Teh! You are just as bad yourself! It's
wicked, that's what I call it! The Almighty never
intended us to live as long as your grandfather hopes
to-— and it's going against His laws to start cutting
up all those poor little defenceless monkeys. It's dis-
gusting. ... To think of that old man capering
about with those nasty little animal glands in him ! "

It was the first time I had ever seen dear old Nanny
really lose her temper. I was simply spellbound.

" Nanny ..." I began.

"Don't you 'Nanny' me! I've had enough of
it. There hasn't been a moment's peace since the day
your grandfather first put foot here. He's a Godless
6

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82 THE GLAND STEALERS

old man and ought to know better at his time of life.
I won't stay in this house after to-night No! not if
you offered me a fortune I "

" You don't mean . . .'*

She flamed out again.

" Not for a fortunel ''

She suddenly rushed from the kitchen, upstairs,
and into her own room.

I heard the door crash to with nerve-shattering
emphasis. Then a deadly silence enveloped the house.

" Good Lord ! " I gasped.

For a full minute I stood quite still, paralyzed and
helpless. This, surely, was the beginning of the
end. Without Nanny, life was unthinkable-— com-
fortless — ^void !

I gazed miserably at the wretched English winter
outside, and it seemed to symbolize all the grayness
and coldness of the future. It also drew my attention
to the fact that Molly and Gran'pa had still to be f otmd.
Where were they? Where could they be?

I put on my hat and coat and hurried down the
garden in the pouring rain.

" Molly ! " I cried. " Where are you ? "

The trees sighed and shook a deluge of tears on me.

" Confound the old fool ! " I muttered, floundering
through the mud and filth which surrounded the
fowl-pens.

Even the hens themselves withdrew from my wrath.

" Are you there? " I clamored, thrusting my hand
through the low doorway.

The only answer was a scurrying on the part of the
feathered folk. . • •

I stood up again and looked around the deserted
and sodden garden. As I did so, I saw a thin thread

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 83

of blue smoke dismally ascending from the midst of
the raspberry canes.

"Ah!" I cried. " So that's where you are ! "

In a second, I had bounded over the squelching
celery bed and cabbage patch and reached the tell-
tale spot.

"MoUyl" I shouted.

The sound of voices reached me from the bowels
of the earth I Puzzled and angry, I thrust aside the wet
and clammy canes, stepped forward — and suddenly
found myself treading on air.

When I had recovered from the jolt and splash, it
became apparent that I was now at the bottom of a
huge rectangular hole some four or five feet in depth,
and that the "floor'* on which I stood, ankle deep
in mud, rose at a fairly steep angle to the normal level
of the garden. With my characteristic bad luck, I had
plunged in at the " deep end."

Turning quickly round, I discovered what was
obviously the entrance to nothing more nor less than
a crudely fashioned " dug-out '* or underground retreat,
which was shut oiF from the outer world by an impro-
vised door of patchwork pieces of wood. From behind
this, proceeded the faint sound of human voices, appar-
ently shouting some sort of primitive song: '' Wah-
wahl Wah^mh-wool''

I listened for a moment or two. Then I sniffed at
the unmistakable odor of grilled kippers — ^the kind of
nauseating smell one usually associates with gypsies'
tents, caravans and cheap lodging-houses.

Here, at last was the explanation of all these weeks
of secrecy and furtiveness on the part of Molly and
Gran'pa! This is what had happened through taking

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84 THE GLAND STEALERS

them to see the underground scene in '' Peter Pan."
This was how they showed their gratitude !

I thrust a hand between the soft muddy earth and
the top of the " door," tugged, and down it came with
a splash, followed by a gush of foul smc^e and kipper-
laden air.

The "Wahrwah-woorAng ceased, and an onunous
silence reigned in its place.

I waited for the poisonous fumes to dear a little,
and then ducked my head and peered into the dug-out.
In the light of a couple of candles and a blazing wood-
fire, I caught sight of Molly, hastily removing a kipper
impaled on the end of a pointed stick, and Gran'pa
thrusting a half loaf of bread into his pocket.

" Come out ! " I shouted.

Molly emerged, slowly and sheepishly. She was
wet through, muddy, black-faced and reeking with the
mingled odors of damp earth, smoke, and grilled fish.
As she stood before me, she shivered in the cold and
driving rain.

I tried to convey to her some idea of my utter
amazement and anger, but realized that the English
language was not intended for the expression of such
powerful emotions as mine were at that moment.

" Go into the house, immediately! " I cried at last.
" You'll catch your death of cold ! "

" Daddy. . . ." she began wheedlingly.

''Don't you touch me! Fm dirty enough already!
. . . ., Scoot!*'

She scooted ; and I went in and hauled out Gran'pa
who was behaving like a sulky schoolboy. I was mad
with him — ^mad at the dangerous complications which
might follow Molly's exposure to such weather.

"I daren't say what I think of you!" I flamed.

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THE DUG-OUT IN THE GARDEN 85

" But ril tell you my opinion of myself. I was a fool
ever to help you in this idiotic monkey business. You
may have been troublesome in the old days, but you were
at least harmless. Now, you've become not only a
nuisance to the whole household, but a menace as well.
A thundering good hiding is what you really
deserve. . . ."

He shrank back into the cover of the dug-out and the
rain pelted down on me in torrents.

" Oh ! Don't be afraid ! " I said. " I wouldn't touch
you for worlds. If you wish, you can stay and * pig '
it in there for all eternity. I'm certainly not going
to ask you into my house again."

I looked at his mud-stained beard, his grubby face,
his dirty clothes, and his filthy hands, and suddenly my
anger gave way to a feeling of disgust and repulsion.

Without another word, I turned, and strode quickly
towards the house.

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CHAPTER VI
gran'pa reforms

THE immediate result of this latest of Gran'pa's
outbreaks was that he st(^)ped in his dug-out
all night! About eleven o'clock that even-
ing, after Molly had had a hot bath and gone to bed,
I cooled down sufficiently to go out and see what had
become of him. And there he was— crouched patheti-
cally in front of a bright stick fire, looking like the sole
survivor of some lost tribe of ancient wanderers. His
head was in his hands, his beard hung tragically between
his knees, and his back was bent in a dismal arch of
resignation tmder the bludgeonings of Fate.

But the moment I tried to persuade him to behave
like a reasonable man and come indoors, his attitude
changed to one of stark, brute fury. He sprang to his
feet and stood glaring and growling at me, as if he
were some wild animal at bay. The firelight danced cm
his muddy and saturated clothes, and threw a weird,
jumping, ape-like shadow on the wall of the dug-out.
His eyes shone like balls of fire.

" Get out ! " he said hoarsely. And then, with an
ominous calm : " By God! if you don't, TU brain you ! "

He seized a huge, twisted branch, whose one end
had been helping to feed the fire, and waved it, torch-
like, in my face.

I floundered backwards, through the mud and water
until I reached the level of the garden above.

" Gran'pa I " I implored. " For heaven's sake "

"Go— when I tell you!" he screamed, emerging
into the open. " I will not return to that house ! "
86

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GRANTA REFORMS 87

" But. . . .you can't stay here. ..." I began, again.

" Who's going to stop me? "

" You're wet through. Do remember your age, and
be reasonable. This is absurd! .... I don't
understand. . . .'*

" Oh ! Go to blazes I I've had enough of your in-
sults and bickerings. I shall stay here until the morning.
Then I shall leave this benighted house and country and
return to the States ! Do you understand thatf '^

He returned to his shelter, thrust his weapon of
attack back into the fire again, and took up an alert and
threatening attitude, showing not the remotest sign of
a compromise.

"Very well I" I said.

I went indoors again, flabbergasted at this tre-
mendous burst of passionate resentment and childish
obstinacy.

I thought of obtaining the help of a doctor, or a
neighbor, or the police ; but to tell the truth I was afraid
that if Gran'pa were removed from his dugout by force
he might lose his mental balance altogether and become
a raving maniac.

For the time being, there semed to be nothing that
I could do. On the other hand, it was hopeless to think
of going to bed. With Molly showing signs of having
caught a very severe cold, with Nanny determined to
leave me next day, and with Gran'pa crouching in that
damp and miserable shelter down the garden, it would
have been impossible for me to sleep a wink. The whole
of my little, orderly world was t<^sy-turvy.

In my misery, I cursed science in general ; I cursed
Alfred the gorilla; I cursed Dr. Croft ; and I even cursed
Sir James Barrie for writing " Peter Pan."

I pictured those happy, peaceful days when Gran'pa

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88 THE GLAND STEALERS

had nodded at his unrejuvenated ease by the fireside —
and life had been one smooth, eventless stream of com-
fort and solace after the day's work.

To think that this chaotic disturbance should have
been caused by a mere couple of innocent looking thyroid
glands! To think that, after all these years, dear,
motherly old Nanny was going to leave us to fend for
ourselves— or to leave us to the mercy of some cold-
blooded, professional housekeeper.

With a sigh, I drew up my chair before the fire, and
prepared to pass a night of comfortless dozings and
painful cogitations on the future.

About one o'clock I woke with a start from an evil
dream in which Gran'pa figured as a wild man of the
woods, pursuing innocent children and hurrying them
to some terrible and uncertain doom. In his cave
were scattered the whitened remains of little human
bones. . . .

At two o'clock I shook off the vestiges of a pitiful
scene in which the old man had been lying in a great
four-poster bed, with his long gray beard streaming
over a red and yellow counterpane.

" I'm. . . .dying, George ! " he had whispered.

Scared and shaken, I sprang to my feet and deter-
mined to make still another appeal to his better nature.

The rain had ceased and a full moon shed its cold
and pitiless light on the scene as I stood remonstrating
and pleading with him.

"I'll apologize for everything, if you'll only come in-
doors," I said, himibly.

"No!. . . .Go away!"

"Can I. . . .bring you anything hot to drink?"
I asked.

He made no answer; but, full of hope, I hurried into

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GRANTA REFORMS 89

the house again, lighted the gas stove, and heated up a
pint of milk, which I poured into a large jug, adding a
tablespoonf ul of Bovril to the steaming contents. With
happy inspiration, I also half -filled a tumbler with neat
whiskey. Surely such tokens of affectionate considera-
tion would move him !

But no ! For a moment or two he stood eying the
jug and glass, which I had fearfully placed on the
threshold of his retreat.

" The one's milk and Bovril, and the other's whiskey
. ..." I said encouragingly.

He advanced a few steps, hesitated, and then sud-
denly picked up the jug and flung its contents at me.

" You ungrateful old beast ! " I cried, as the hot
liquid struck my face.

*' Get away, then!"

Stooping down, he seized the glass in his right hand,
and I hurriedly backed to a safer distance.

A second or so later the glass was empty; but in-
stead of the whiskey joining the little rivulets of milk
running down my clothes, it was securely inside Gran 'pa,
who was smacking his lips appreciatively.

" Thank you — George ! " he gulped.

"Now, do come indoors!" I pleaded, with great
self-control.

" No. . . ." he growled.

I could see that he was weakening, however, and I
took advantage of the fact.

" It's only two o'clock," I went on. " That means
another six hours until breakfast time — six hours
before it's even light."

The thought of it made me shudder.

" I won't. . . .give way," he mumbled. " I've put
up with too much from you as it it is. . . .NO ! "

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90 THE GLAND STEALERS

" All right ! I've done everything that is humanly
possible. I've lowered my dignity sufficiently to apol-
ogize, and I've offered to forgive and forget. . . ."

*' Don't be melodramatic 1 "

" Then you absolutely insist on wallowing in this
filth until morning? "

"Idol"

Again I withdrew.

So the weary hours of the night dragged slowly on.
In f ronl of the blazing fire indoors my mind constantly
reverted to that cold and cheerless underground cell in
which Gran'pa was doing voluntary penance for his
misdeeds. I thought also of the morrow when he and
Nanny were going to leave us for ever. Molly, too,
claimed my worried attention. Poor little Molly 1 She
would lose a playmate. Since Gran'pa's rejuvenescence
he and Molly had been the closest of chums. They had
motor-scooted ; they had climbed trees ; they had met as
equals in the great world of juvenile fiction which lit-
tered Molly's '* sanctum." In short, Gran'pa had been
to her that elder brother for whom she had craved since
almost the first day when she could walk and talk.

And now this was to be the end — a wretched quarrel,
an estrangement, a stumbling away of Gran'pa into the
big dark world, which lay beyond what had been the
brightest little home in Airesdale Avenue. • . .

Even as I pondered on this scurvy trick of Fate's, I
heard a distinct bump on the ceiling overhead. Then
the patter of bare feet and a voice calling to me from
the head of the stairs.

"Daddy!"

I darted to the door.

"Yes?"

" My throat's dry. . • J feel so thirsty! "

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GRANTA REFORMS 91

"Get back to bed, dear, and I'll bring you
some milk."

I went into the pantry and found what was appa-
rently the '' breakfast milk," warmed it a little, and took
it up to Molly.

She was in bed again, but the jumbled state of the
clothes told of a very restless night. Although it was
so bitterly cold, the eiderdown was on the floor, and the
counterpane half off the bed, and Molly herself only
partly covered.

I handed her the milk and straightened the bed a lit-
tle> while she sat up and swallowed the liquid greedily.

" You're very flushed and feverish," I said, sitting
down by her side and feeling her hot little forehead and
dieeks with the back of my hand. ** Do you think you've
caught cold, Molly? "

" I don't know. Daddy. . . .But it is hot 1 "

She searched with her feet for cold spots under
the bedclothes.

" You mustn't toss the eiderdown off, "I said. "Can't
you get to sleep, dear ? "

"No-o-ol. . . ." she murmured, restlessly.

I placed a cool hand on her forehead again.

"Is that better?"

" Yes, Daddy!. . . .Ever so much! "

She became quieter and gently pulled my other hand
into the bed and commenced cuddling it For half an
hour or more I stayed with her until she fell into a fitful
sleep. Then I crept downstairs to the fire and warmed
my frozen limbs and feet.

That bedroom scene was the first in a long and
agonizing series which lasted for over a week.

The locum tenens to our old family doctor fought
back the menace, first of rheumatic fever and then of

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92 THE GLAND STEALERS

pneumonia. For da3rs, it was touch and go which of
the dread diseases she might contract, but she had a
strong constitution — ^thank God ! — and both Nanny and
Gran'pa sank their grievances in a common service to
their idol. Nothing was too much trouble for them.
Nanny was just her own sweet, motherly self 1 But
Gran'pa rose to heights of such unselfish devotion as I
had never imagined. He spent practically the whole day
and half of each night in her bedroom — watching her
when she was asleep, and reading to her and playing
games with her when she was awake.

" My God, George ! " he said, " I don't think I shall
ever be able to forgive myself."

His spirit of penitence and humility bordered on the
pathetic. By some miracle, he had escaped Heaven knew
what complications himself and he seemed determined to
devote his remaining strength to succoring Molly in her
dire hour of need. Gone was all his obstinacy, his f reak-
ishness. In that week of torment he had grown to years
of discretion and achieved a mental stability far beyond
my wildest hopes. Behind him, he had some seventy to
eighty years' experience of human nature, and he
brought it all to bear on* Molly's particula,r temperament,
with a wisdom which astonished even the doctor in
attendance.

" The most wonderful old man I've ever seen ! "
he observed.

I did not mention the gland business, as I thought
Gran'pa might be offended.

" He's certainly very tough! " I answered.

"But his sympathy and understanding! Remark-
able!. . . .Old people are usually so narrow-minded and
crotchety. . . .so selfish.'

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GRANTA REFORMS 93

" Ah 1 He's the exception ! " I said with enthusiasm.

"What's his age?"

" Ninety-six next week/'

" You don't say so ! Most astounding! "

" You've only seen him at his quietest, doctor."

I hesitated a moment ; and then family pride carried
me away a little.

" Normally," I said, " he is all energy and go. He
could eat, drink and smoke me under the table any day;
and as a companion for Molly he's — unapproachable.
Motor-scooting, tree-climbing, running and jumping.
. . . That big walnut tree down the garden is one of
his favorite spots He and Molly have a sort of seat,
made of twisted boughs. He's often up there reading.
A wonderful climber!"

'' Impossible at his age !"

" You must drop in scMne day and see for yourself."

" Can you give any reason for it? " he asked.

Naturally, I could have given one — ^but I didn't. . . .

" I suppose," I said, " that it is just the result of
good, clean living and a strong constitution. He's never
had a day's illness in his life— except for a slight opera-
tion he once underwent. He's also an American, bom
and bred. I think that may account for a lot. ..."

" H'm !. . . . Very interesting man I Telling me
this morning all about Abraham Lincoln's election as
President and how it was the culmination of the long
political struggle between the North and the South over
the question of slavery. Your great-grandfather was
a young man of about your age at that time. . . .Re-
markable memory for details!" mused the doctor,
jerkily, as if he had a preserved specimen of Gran'pa
before him in a bottle of spirit. " Got a fine head, too.
• . .And there's character in his face. . . .1 should say

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94 THE GLAND STEALERS

he's a man who is not easily turned from anything he's
set his mind to.'*

" He's the very devil," I admitted, " once he gets
an idea into his head."

" It's men like that who make for progress, you
know. ..."

" Undoubtedly, doctor ! I believe that in a few years'
time grandfather's name will be a household word."

" In a few years' time !. . . ." he exclaimed. "But
surely at his age — ^ninety-six. . . ."

" Oh, he's good for another thirty or forty
years yet!"

The doctor looked at me with a trace of alarm in his
eyes ; then he said rather abruptly :

" Well, I must be going, Mr. Bamett."

The moment he had left the house, Gran'pa entered
the room. He seemed very irritable.

"You must pardon me, George," he said, "but I

couldn't help overhearing some of that conversation

I don't think it was very nice of you to hold me up
to ridicule."

" I had no such intention," I replied. " It was more
from a feeling of justifiable pride in your abilities than
anything else."

" H'm !. . . . Well, it's my own fault, perhaps. . . .
I've been intoxicated with this sudden flow of new
energy. It went to my head, so to speak. My brain was
overstimulated. I felt very much like a man who has
come out of the darkness into a blaze of light. I hadn't
grown used to the change .. . .Then came this terrible
shock. I thought that Molly was going to die. . . ."
(Although she had practically recovered, the word sent
the blood rushing inwards and I involuntarily shivered.)
"But, thank God, she was spared. . . . It's been one

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GRANTA REFORMS 95

awful nightmare of fear and if an3rthing had hap-
pened to her, I should have killed myself ; but the ordeal
seems to have steadied me. Something's gone
snap in here" — ^he tapped his forehead — "and Tm
whole again I "

I kept silent, amazed at the sudden revelation
of sanity.

Said Gran'pa : " As soon as Molly is well again I
intend starting life afresh. I have a great deal of ex-
perience behind me, valuable first-hand knowledge of
things and persons. I don't want to quote the old tag
about an ounce of experience, but it's certainly true. It
will give me a big pull over the younger generation —
although I shall necessarily want their help. I shall not
be handicapped like most men of my age, or even twenty
years younger. And, thank Heaven, I have plenty of
self-confidence."

He strode down the room, glanced out of the window
at a burst of winter sunshine, and then came back to the
hearth-rug, from which he had delivered his confession.

Taking hold of my arm, he added, very quietly :

"Please remember, George, that in future I'm a
reasonable human being."

" I believe you," I answered. " In the last few days
you have certainly changed for the better. . . ."

That brief conversation gave me an insight into
Gran'pa's new character— or was it his old one emerging
butterifly-like from the chrysalis of age? He had be-
come a man with a serious purpose in life; though he
would not reveal exactly what that purpose was.

Events moved swiftly. A short time after McXi/s
complete recovery, Gran'pa visited the barber, and re-
turned with a clean-shaven face and shorter locks !

The effect was bewildering, but very impressive. I

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96 THE GLAND STEALERS

saw for the first time the sqtiare-cut jaw and the finn
mouth which had been hidden beneath the tangle of
white beard and moustache. His cheeks were still
sunken and his neck was scraggy ; but — " They'll fill
out in time, George f" he said.

The next day he dyed his hair a dark brown —
and knocked his apparent age down to not a day more
than fifty.

A week later he had discarded his old-fashioned
swallow-tailed coat and wide-legged trousers for a
smartly-cut gray lounge suit of the latest style. Another
five or ten years seemed to have gone in a flash I

He began gradually acclimatizing himself to cold .
baths in the mornings. The bath-room echoed with the
sounds of his blowings and splashings and singings. . . .

An elastic " exerciser " appeared as if by magic on
his bedroom door, and a pair of dumb-bells sprang into
being on the window-sill.

At meal times he poured on his food large quantities
of olive oil — and fried brown bread in it, for what he
called his " eleven o'clock snack."

He even made a daily visit to the local beauty parlor,
where his wrinkles were smoothed and steamed and
massaged. Under this and the olive oil treatment his
face and neck grew rounder and firmer.

And so, by these many painstaking efforts, did
Gran'pa descend the barren mountain-side of age and
come into the wide and fertile valley of Youth. The
progress he made was very slow, but it was very, very
sure. Every week he had a full and side-face photo-
graph taken, and every week we compared it with the
previous records of rejuvenation. It was then that one
could see the gradual birth of that new man which he
was making of hiipself .

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GRANTA REFORMS 97

This gallery of portraits was an example of how
carefully and scientifically gran'pa was proceeding, and,
unsatisfied with mere externals, he also paid periodic
visits to Dr. Croft, who measured the strength of his
heart-beat — and also recorded it on paper in the form of
a zigzag graph.

" We're getting along, George ! " he said. " I shall
soon have you beaten, my boy. I'm going backwards
and you're going forwards ! When shall we meet, eh? '"

" I wouldn't like to prophesy anything where
you're concerned."

He put his hand on my shoulder and laughed from
the sheer joy of living.

" This time last year. . . ." he said musingly, " was
I really that — doddering old fool in the chair? "

" You were certainly old, and you were certainly in
that chair — most of your time," I answered good-
humoredly. ( I was beginning to like him immensely ! )

" What an escape !. . . .What a miracle !. . . .And
this time next year? . . . ."

" Aren't you ever going to tell me of this project of
yours? " I pleaded, appropriately.

" Very soon, George ! Next week I'm going down
to Brooklands."

"You intend trying or buying a motor car — or
aeroplane?" I gasped.

"A mere detail! But I refuse to be pumped.
You'll hear everything in good time, George. . . ."

So I still had to wait impatiently for the Day
of Revelation 1

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CHAPTER VII

MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST

IT was easy to see that Gran'pa's reference to
Brooklands could mean one of only two things —
motoring or aeroplaning. But I never expected
what actually followed.

The old man — or should I say the young one? —
came home one evening in a state of feverish excite-
ment.

" I've been flying, George!" he announced
buoyantly.

"Skylarking?" I asked, "or really leaving the
earth for the air?"

" Flying! " he emphasized, flapping his hands and
arms about. " This aftemocMti I went to Bournemouth
and back. . . .for a little trial spin."

" A trial spin? " I echoed, wondering what bigger
project he had in view.

He nodded and drew in a great breath.

It was spring, and the windows were open, and the
ir was like wine. Gran'pa seemed to be half intoxicated.

" By the Lord Harry! " he exclaimed. " It's the
greatest thing I've done. We left Brooklands at two
sharp and were back at a quarter to five — ^with two
loops and a nose-dive en route. I've fixed up another
jaunt on Sunday — ^with you and Molly. And next week
I'm popping over to Rome and back. If the journey's
satisfactory, I intend bu3ring the machine."

" Doing what? " I gasped.

His eyes twinkled as he watched Molly and me, and
with an exaggerated nonchalance, he lit his pipe and sat

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 99

down on the edge of the dining-room table — the very
embodiment of a vigorous, middle-aged man, at least
fifty years younger than himself . . . .

V\t a specification here, somewhere/' he said,
fumbling in his breast pocket, and presently drawing
out a scrap of paper. " Vidkers-Vimy RoUs-Royoe.
The most reliable combination in the world, George,
. . . .Just read that through and tell me what you think
of it."

I read through a specification which might have been
Yiddish, so little did it enlighten me.

" It lodes as if it will cost a fortune," I observed.

"Not at all I In fact, I'm getting three brand
new ones."

I tried to pass some comment on this amazing man's
new outbreak, but could not. I was literally tongue-
tied. It was the most stupendous exhibition of idiocy I
had ever encountered. One might conceivably buy three
motor cars ; but, three aeroplanes. . . . !

" What in heaven's name do you intend doing with
them?" I managed to say at last. "Is it to be the
nucleus of a new Air Force?"

" No! Just a little private venture — for the public
good!"

"D'you mean there's a machine for each of us? " I
asked, with a feeble attempt at humor.

" If you like to put it that way, George. . . ."

It was very evident that he had some tremendous
scheme afoot, and the tantalizing air of secrecy he main-
tained rather annoyed me.

" Why be so secretive ? " I asked. " Surely you can
tell us all exactly what you intend doing."

He blew out a cloud of smoke and sat there as un-
rufBed as a sphinx.

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100 THE GLAND STEALERS

"Ever thought of foreign travel?" he queried,
mildly.

" I have. We all have I But certainly not by
aeroplane."

" Ah 1 You're still very conservative, George. You
should move with the times. You don't think that, now
I've got my youth back, I'm going to hp content with
fussy old steamers and railway trains, do you? I want
to fly — soar! — ^get above the world and look down on
it. Besides," he added slyly, " there aren't any trains
where I'm going. . . ."

I knew that he wanted me to fire a volley of ques-
tions at him. But I didn't ! I sat and waited.

So did Gran'pa.

Presently he said :

*' You've read Robert Louis Stevenson, George? "

"I have!"

" D'you like treasure hunting yams ? "

"Idol"

" But you don't think there's much scope for that
sort of thing nowadays? "

" I don't think there ever was — except in books," I
answered, peevishly.

" You're a frightful sceptic, George. It's through
living in London all your life. A dull, blase place ! . . . .
Lot of noise and bustle — and talk — ^but nothing
tvtr happens I ^^

He puffed away at his pipe for a few moments, and
then resumed, with the air of some politician portraying
a world which needs reforming: "All that's got to
be changed. Humanity in the mass moves very slowly.
If you want things done, you must rely on the individual
who can elbow his way out of the rut." He gazed at me
with inspiration in his eyes.

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST loi

" George," he said quietly. " I believe I'm one of
those individuals. Already, Tm the first man to travel
backwards through life. There was that convict they
experimented on in America, of course, but one never
heard any more of him. Possibly he died. In any case
he was only sixty or so. / was ninety-five. . . ."

" Was. . . . ? " I murmured.

He chuckled.

" How old am I now? " He stood up and smote his
chest. " How old do I look and feel ? "

" About forty-five, I should say."

*' Not a day older! Not a day. . . .Well, that's the
first step away from the rut. Then there's this — the
greatest of all. Treasure hunting in aeroplanes ! "

"Where? And what?'* I asked, involuntarily —
knowing full well that he was gloating over my curiosity.

He waited awhile before he continued.

Then he suddenly disclosed his scheme in all its
fascinating glory. It staggered me — at first by its utter
absurdity; then by its alarming possibility; and, finally,
by its sheer plausibility. It was gigantic, gruesome,
grotesque ; and yet, to hear Gran'pa talk, it was so trans-
parently simple that it made me wonder why no one had
thought of it before.

"Ever since these new glands have been in full
working order," he said, " I can't help feeling that
others ought to be given an opportunity of regaining
their youth. There must be hundreds of old men like
myself who are still looking backwards in the way I used
to: Ah! if only I had my life to live over again! It's
the saddest, the most wistful cry in the world, George —
that 'might-have-been!' You can't appreciate it at
your age, with your eyes on the future. But picture
yourself when you are seventy — seventy-five— eighty —

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I02 THE GLAND STEALERS

always gazing backwards. There's no tragedy in life
until you're old — and then it's the eternal tragedy of
that might-have-been 1 I've lived through it all. I know.
. . . .The time I must have spent just sitting. . . .and
thinking. . . .Always the same refrain. Might have
been!. . . .Might have been!. . . ."

His gaze was directed towards the fire now — that
strange picture-factory of the past and the future — and
I could see that he was very deeply moved.

** When I spoke of treasure hunting just now you
probably thought of hidden chests of jewels and coins,
of tattered and torn scraps of paper with complicated
directions and cabalistic signs written on them — all that
paraphernalia of fictitious adventure. . . .As if gold
were the most important thing in life! "

** It's handy at times," I commented.

"Would my fortune be of any value to me if I
were dead?"

"No I. . . .1 believe that it serves no useful purpose
in the next world."

He chuckled to himself. " So you come to the
basic fact that the greatest ' treasure ' I've found so far
has been. . . ."

" By Jove ! " I exclaimed. " You mean Glands! "

" I do ! I'm going gland-hunting ! "

He allowed time for the announcement to penetrate
into my startled brain.

"... .Gorillas? "I asked, at last.

"Yes. . . .!"

" It's absurd! You couldn't get enough of them to
do any good. You might shoot half-a-dozen in a whole
year, and. . . ."

" Who said * shoot ' ? I want them alive, man»
not dead!"

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 103

" Have you ever read anything about gorillas? " I
asked, quietly.

" A great deal during the last few weeks. They're
easily the most ferocious and terrifying beasts in the
world. Du Chaillu says that the gorilla is the monarch
of the African forest — ^that no other animal on earth
dare face it when it is enraged. Practically every game
hunter of any standing agrees on this point. Even a
man armed with a modern gun runs grave risks in an
encounter with a gorilla. If the bullet misses. . . ."
Gran'pa shrugged his shoulders.

" And yet you stand there," I said, " and tell me that
you intend capturing them ! **

" That's the whole charm of the thing. We have to
devise some method, George, of not only getting them
in large quantities, but of getting them alive and well.
Every gorilla killed will represent the death sentence of
some htmian being — the loss of a new lease of life.
That's a terrible thought, George. It means a very
great responsibility. . . ."

" Nonsense I People have been djring from old age
ever since the world began."

" So they have from lock-jaw, and consumption,
and malaria, and a thousand other complaints."

" That's no comparison. Death from old age is in-
evitable and. . . ."

"Is it? What about me?"

" But sooner or later. ..." I said bluntly.

" Yes ! I expect I shall. . . .sooner or later. But
the chief thing is that I haven't yet. I might have died
of diphtheria nearly fifty years ago; but medical science
saved me. I might have died of malaria once — ^but for
quinine. Everyone who has reached my age— or only
half of it — ^has probably been saved at least once in his

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I04 THE GLAND STEALERS

life. But it's only a probability, George. In the
majority of cases one cannot tell for certain. With these
glands, however, it is different. I know that I've been
rescued from death as surely as when a life buoy is
thrown to a drowning man. When the liner sinks in
mid-ocean it's the number of floatable commodities that
determine the number of the saved. A man who de-
stroyed a life buoy at such a moment would be guilty of
murder. And that's precisely the attitude we must
adopt towards this gorilla hunt. A gorilla shot dead in
the heart of Africa is a man murdered somewhere at
home. We must catch them alive. . . ."

" I suppose it's possible," I said. " Otherwise, how
did they get our friend Alfred — and the one in the Zoo?"

" Naturally it's been done before, but not on a big
enough scale. I very much doubt if more than fifty
or sixty of them have been captured alive during the last
century. That's much too slow for us. We shall want
them. . . .in hundreds a mcxith, at least. . . ."

** Sort of round them up, like rebels," I suggested.

" Flippantly put," he answered, dryly, "but substan-
tially correct."

The insight required for such a gigantic tmdertaking
was so utterly beyond me that I simply could not treat
the matter seriously.

" I don't quite understand the aeroplane part," I
said. " Do you intend flying over the jungle and lasso-
ing them — or, what ? "

"Don't be feeble, George. The aeroplanes are
merely for getting there. Where it took weeks for other
men to travel a hundred miles through the African
jungle, we shall manage it in as many hours. We could
leave Gaboon at eight in the morning, say. . . ."

" Where on earth is Gaboon ? "

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 105

He treated the interruption-^which was actually
inspired by a genuine thirst for knowledge — ^with
contempt.

*' You'll find it on any map of Equatorial Africa,"
he answered quietly. " As I was saying, we could leave
there at eight in the morning and be in the heart of the
gorilla coxmtry by ten o'clock at the latest. I intend
making Gaboon the headquarters."

It is extraordinary that I was not in the least
astounded at the easy and casual way in which Gran'pa
was unfolding his plan of campaign. My initial amaze-
ment once over, it seemed the most natural thing in the
world for a man to take gorilla-hunting aeroplane trips
in Africa. It was as if Gran'pa had merely said : "We'll
make New York our headquarters and motor over to
West Point, Atlantic City and other spots of interest."

For over two hours he sat there talking, joking,
speculating; and every query I raised was demolished
swiftly and easily. There was little doubt whatever that
he had studied the matter very thoroughly. He knew
the country, the climate, the facilities for obtaining
guides, the habits and haunts of the gorillas, and even
their " language."

When I showed symptoms of unbelief at this last
item of knowledge, he was evidently pleased with
himself.

"I've been to Gamer's works for that," he said.
" You must remember Gamer. He was the explorer
who for nearly four months lived in a wire cage in one
of the African forests. He says that both the chim-
panzee and the gorilla have a definite language of twenty
words or more. They have vocal expressions for
'food,' 'good' — ^in a sort of 'Thank-youl' sense —

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io6 THE GLAND STEALERS

* discomfort/ ' drink/ ' illness/ and even 'death/ Take
this for instance/'

Gran'pa threw back his head, drew in his breath and
imitated a weird animal cry, as near as possible to
the exclamation :

" Ugh — h — h. . . /' (trailing off in a long drawn
aspirate sound).

" That/' he explained, " means ' food/ "

He made a few more noises, preceded by facial con-
tortions and deep breathing exercises — ^which seemed to
be the necessary preliminary to this new ape language.

" There's a sound, too," he explained, " by means of
which they call one another. It goes like this : " ? . •
?. . ? ! " (My powers of representation fail me.)

"That may come in quite handy, George. Don't
you think so? "

" Very ! " I said. " If you have it right."

"I've tried it! "he laughed.

" On a live ape, d'you mean? When? "

"At the Zoo!"

"But. . . ."

" I tried it on the chimpanzee — and it worked ! At
first, he looked as if he knew quite well what it meant,
but wouldn't bother to reply. So I repeated it twice !
He hesitated. Then he got up, came over to me and
commenced tugging at my sleeve and making peculiar
little noises in the back of his throat. Most astonishing
thing I've ever seen, George. The keeper — quite an
intelligent fellow — ^was flabbergasted. Said he'd never
seen anything like it before."

" You mean you actually went in the cage? "

"Yes!. . . .1 also gave the * alarm' signal — and
what do you think the brute did ! "

" Heaven above knows ! "

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 107

'* Rushed into the comer of the cage and hid himself
under the straw. . . ."

I was impressed Whatever other little weaknesses
Gran'pa had, he never lied, and never exaggerated.

Already, I was beginning to feel sorry for these
Monarchs of the African Forests. What chance had the
poor wretches against a man like this, with all the re-
sources of civilization behind him ? And yet. . . .

" Granting all these possibilities," I said. " Sup-
posing we do get to Gaboon with our aeroplanes and our
monkey-language system in full working order. And
supposing we do actually capture a few hundred of the
brutes alive. What then? You can't bring them back
to headquarters by aeroplane. . . ."

"Why not?"

"Oh. . . .1 don't know! It sounds so utterly
damned silly."

" Not half so silly and impossible as some of the
everyday exploits in the war. It's child play compared
with 'planing through a tornado of bursting shells, or
fighting battles a couple of miles up."

" I suppose it is "

Every argument I produced as to the unreasonable-
ness of his schemes was squashed in an instant.

" Well," I said, at last. " We have our apes— by
the hundred. What then? It's their glands you want;
the brutes themselves, as far as you're concerned, are
merely perambulating depositories for the Elixir of
Xife. You keep them alive simply to keep their glands
alive. A dead gland is useless, and. . . ."

"Wait a moment, young man! Ever heard of
cold storage?"

"It's the curse of the modem mutton trade,"
I observed.

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I08 THE GLAND STEALERS

"Possibly! Many scientists, however, consider it
possible to keep the thyroid gland active for at least
three or four days after its removal — ^if the thing is
packed in ice. That'll help a great deal. I intend ship-
ping the apes to Walfisch Bay, and then taking the
glands by 'plane to a convenient spot in the Kalahari
Desert — one of the healthiest places in the world. It is
there that we shall establish the great Hospital for the
Rejuvenation of the Aged."

I grew reckless in my concessions to the plausibility
of the scheme.

" So far so good," I said. " We've accomplished
even this. But what about the patients? How many
old men do you seriously think are going to risk their
lives by setting out on such an insane quest for youth?
There aren't a dozen men in England to-day who'd do
an3rthing half as wild — especially old men of seventy-
or eighty. All they want then is peace — ^peace in which
to end their days. That's the greal cry of the aged.
And therein lies the final weakness of the whole thing,
Gran'pa. The idea is good, the plot is excellent, the ad-
venture thrilling, the. . . ."

" Don't you worry, George! " he cried. " That's
where, as a last resource, the Press Campaign comes in.
If necessary, I shall boom this rejuvenescence of mine
as nothing on earth has ever been boomed before. I am
wiUmg to be photographed, interviewed, filmed, and
leading-articled until we're simply swamped with appli-
cations. You don't imderstand human nature. The will
to live comes before everything. If there is no response
from Englishmen I shall appeal to America, although
I would rather not experiment on my own cotmtrymen
until I've gained more practical knowledge."

So the last stronghold of my Icxig line of objecti(Mis

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MR, STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 109

was razed to the grotind, and the discussion of this
momentous fight against death drew to a close. Was
there ever a madder and more useless scheme than this
wretched monkey htmting for the aged? Like most
yotmg men of this generation, I had very little respect
for mere age. Everjrwhere one turned one saw old men
in charge of the world — men of fifty and upwards.
They monopolized all the best positions in the Govern-
ment, in business, in literature, in law, on town councils,
in the Civil Service, and in the army. They kept out the
yotmg and ambitious by sneering at their inexperience
and hot-headedness ; they scoffed at their love affairs ;
they even tried to arrange their marriages ; and — most
iniquitous of all — they arranged wars in which the
young fought and died through the folly and greed of
their forebears.

If only one could reduce the life span instead of
lengthening it — ^bring it down to fifty, say ! If only one
could speed up life by removing the brake of the ancient,
the doddering and the incapable, who hung on to their
jobs to the eternal detriment of the young ! If only one
could make life fuller and quicker — ^instead of emptier
and slower. . . .

Was it right for me to sacrifice the men of my
own generation in this manner? Was it dignified? Was
it noble?

I thought the matter out carefully. And in the end
I came to the conclusion that it simply did not matter.
After all, the most Gran'pa and I could hope to do was
to save a few hundred of the old criminals. If we caught
all the gorillas in the whole of Africa, it would be no
more than a mere drop iiT the ocean. At the Continental
spas alone what does one see? The middle-aged, the
old and ancient, crawling about in useless thousands. . . .

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no THE GLAND STEALERS

All the monkeys in the world couldn't save more than a
tenth per cent, of them.

And yet the thing might grow. There were other
animals, perhaps, which might contribute. Already,
the goat provided valuable thyroid extracts. Why not
still others? Suppose the system was extended, and
thousands of animals were bred solely for their glandu-
lar possibilities! In the course of a lifetime one man
probably consumes dozens of sheep, oxen and pigs, and
yet in some mysterious way arrangements have been
made for a constant supply of these beasts. Why then
should provision not be made for, say, a couple of pairs
of glands per life. If man wants a commodity he
usually gets it — sooner or later. He wanted tame dog,
and he got it. To-day, there must be millions of them
on the earth. Science might be clever enough some day
to breed special gland-bearing animals, whose prime
function would be the salvation of the aged. It might
take generations or centuries to accomplish the miracle,
but ultimately. . . .

The thought staggered me — and I returned to my
monkeys, li we didn't start the business someone
else would.

And so, at last, I gave way.

" To blazes with the Civil Service. ..." I thought.
** Why should I moulder in an office when there are so
many more interesting places in the world? "

I found a map of Africa and discovered Gaboon and
its principal port of Libreville. It might have looked
an outlandish spot, but at any rate it looked exciting. I
liked the shape of the river mouth ; the country to the
east; the proximity of the Equator, which ran only a
few miles to the south; and the way the great blue sea
spread out to the west.

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 1 1 1

I found Walfisch Bay and the Kalahari. And then I
looked at the tiny patch of dirt which we call England.
I thought of the tedious train journey from north to
south of this island, and I measured the distance on the
same scale map of Africa. As I did so the immensity
of our task suddenly smote me in all its glory. It was
uncanny to think that all those thousands of miles away
lay the great African jungles; that at this precise
moment, while I was peacefully smoking my pipe in
Richmond, there was another land in which the gorilla
and the chimpanzee roamed and fought and died; and
that presently we should commence invading their fast-
nesses and enlisting their services in aid of the aged and
decrepit of our own race.

I tried to picture the place — ^the tall trees, the
ghostly undergrowth, the sodden marshes, the hot, drip-
ping climate, the wicked and cunning little eyes which
would watch us from the tree tops and the bushes as we
went on our errand of mercy. I tried to visualize native
villages and long, meandering rivers infested with
crocodiles and hippopotami. I feebly attempted to
imagine what a herd of wild elephants lodced like. Did
the porcupine erect its quills when angry and the lion
slink away at the sight and smell of you? What were
the prevalent diseases in this new land of hope and glory ?
Would the natives welcome us, or pursue and torture
and devour us? How much cheap jewelry and beads
should we require to bribe them to help us? Did they
bother about such things now, or had they moved with
the times and installed picture palaces and gramophones
in their chief villages ?

Even when I retired to bed that night I still went on
speculating. My poor, civilized brain was troubled with
vague, terrorizing dreams, manufactured no doubt from

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112 THE GLAND STEALERS

all I had ever read and heard of the grotesque, the
hideous and the cruel. I was pursued by cannibals, bit-
ten by mosquitoes, mauled by tigers, nibbled by swarms
of ants, and trampled on by wild elephants. But I never
saw a single gorilla ! Monkeys I saw galore — little black-
faced chattering creatures, hanging by their tails from
branches high overhead ; also a horrid dog- faced baboon
pursuing Gran'pa (bearded and old and withered
again!) down a narrow pathway which led to the sea.
But not a single gorilla ! It was very astonishing. Was
it an omen, I wondered?

I got up in the morning feeling that I knew Africa
through and through. But when I looked out of the
bedroom window the illusion was dispelled immediately.
I saw the garden in all its spring glory — the daffodils
and tulips, the plum blossoms, the green carpet of the
lawn sprinkled with white daisies, and then — Grandpa,
walking and talking very earnestly in the stmshine with
a little, ferocious-looking man in a coat with a
fur collar.

I watehed them curiously, until they disappeared
round the bend of the path, and then I commenced
dressing.

When I arrived downstairs Gran'pa and his com*
panion were in the dining-room chattering away like a
couple of sparrows.

" Ah, George !" cried Gran'pa. " I quite forgot to
tell you about Mr. Stringer. He's come down from
Scotland by the night train. I wrote and asked him to
make straight for Airesdale Avenue the moment he
arrived, and have breakfast with us. I wanted you to
see him before you went to town this morning. We're
spending the day at the Zoo, and then going on to Bristol
this evening to see Boswell's Menagerie there.''

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MR. STRINGER COMES TO BREAKFAST 113

I extended my hand towards Mr. Stringer, wonder-
ing what on earth it was all about, and, as his fingers
closed on mine and our eyes met, a peculiar thrill seemed
to travel up my arm and backbone, culminating in a
sudden tremor in the base of my skull. When he dropped
my hand, however, he still kept his eyes fixed on me for
a second or two. Never in all my life had I felt such a
burning, penetrating gaze. It reached out like a ray of
light, half-dazzled me, and probed into every nook and
comer of my brain.

Suddenly, that imearthly sensation of being a frozen
microbe tmder a microscope was gone again, and I
felt the blood come pumping back into my ears —
thud! .... thud! ....

" You noticed it, George ? " cried Gran'pa.

"I. . . .er. . . .certainly. . . .noticed something,"
I stammered.

" Good ! Mr. Stringer possesses one of the least
known but most potent forces in nature. He calls him-
self a hypnotist and mental healer, but I prefer the older
term, Animal Magnetism. I have great hopes of Mr.
Strin^r — when we reach Africa. . . "

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CHAPTER VIII

WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL

1 LOOKED at this man Stringer more closely, and
was surprised to find that he had now assumed a
more normal and human appearance. It was
as if our initial handshake had liberated some hidden
fountain of fiendishness in him, and now that it was
all over we were quite good friends again.

As I studied him I couldn't help feeling that I had
seen his face before. And then I suddenly saw the
reason of it. He had that peculiar, much married, wal-
rus-moustached appearance of Baimsfather's ''Old
Bill." He was a rather short, thick-set man, too, and
wore the "Old Bill*' expression of eternal, philo-
sophical contentment. Sitting there in the arm-chair,
with one stumpy leg crossed over the other, he might
easily have been this terrible " Fragment of the Great
War" come to life. But the moment he spoke, the
similarity vanished. His moustache bristled tmtil it
stood out nearly at right angles, his eyes flamed with
that hidden fire, and his whole attitude became one of
extreme animation. He seemed to compel the listener's
attention. And yet, the very second he ceased speaking,
the fire died down, the moustache subsided and drooped,
his body became listless. Once more, he was poor " Old
Bill " — ^harmless, inoffensive , and soothing to the
senses. It was certainly an extraordinary accomplish-
ment and had no doubt taken years to acquire; but I
failed to see exactly what all this had to do with hunting
apes in Africa.
"4

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 115

Grandpa watched these signs of facial birth and
decay with enthusiastic approval.

" D'you see the idea, George? " he asked.

" I'm bothered if I do."

*' It's as old as the hills — and yet it's new."

I racked my brains for an explanation, but found
none.

"The only thing I can think of," I said at last,
" is that you intend hypnotically suggesting to the aged
that they should hand themselves over body and soul
to the pioneers of this new Rejuvenation Cult"

"By Jove!" he laughed. "That's not bad,
Stringer! Eh?"

" Old Bill " bristled — and then grinned expansively.
This expression of gentle mirth looked very quaint-—
the most anti-Old Billish thing one could imagine. It
was uncanny.

"Why not enlighten me?" I asked, somewhat
testily.

" I'd rather not — ^just at present," answered
Gran'pa. " You know how I hate the thought of fail-
ure, George. There's a possibility that this may end in
failure. ... I hope not, because, if it succeeds, it
will be the keystone of the whole system. Still, I'll
tell you what we'll do. You shall come down to Bristc^
with us this evening and see how the theory works."

Beyond this I could not get. Gran'pa was adamant,
and Stringer was sphinx-like. To see them, one would
have thought that I was a mere outsider and that
they had been life-long friends. I was tired, however,
of showing my incessant curiosity in Gran'pa's plans,
and so I acquiesced.

" Very well," I said. " I'll come I "

Gran'pa nodded.

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ii6 THE GLAND STEALERS

" At the same time, George," he remarked, " I
think that you might hand in your resignation at the
office to-day. We're going to be very busy during the
next few weeks. Now that Mr. Stringer has arrived,
there is no time to be lost."

I said very little more after that. I ate my break-
fast quickly, explained to Nanny that we should be
away for a day or two, packed my bag, came down-
stairs again, arranged to meet Gran'pa and Stringer
in town at about five o'clock, kissed Molly " Good-
bye," and set out to catch a train half-an-hour or so
later than usual.

After the startling revelations of the previous even-
ing, the horrible dreams of the night, and the strange
h3rpnotic shock of the early morning I felt excited and
desperate. Events had moved so swiftly that I could
hardly believe that less than twenty-four hours pre-
viously I had not even heard of Gaboon, I had known
next to nothing of gorillas (beyond our old friend
Alfred), and I certainly hadn't the remotest idea of
ever chasing and capturing them.

Naturally, I had realized that I should soon shake
the dust of the Government offices from my eager feet.
I had known, too, that, with a man like Gran'pa in the
family, life could not much longer run in the old, accus-
tomed rut. But I had not expected the climax to come
so suddenly.

It was a glorious spring morning, and as I left the
house I felt myself possessed of a new body and mind.

I came through the town like a man in a dream —
everything looked so bright and fresh and clean — ^so
different !

At " The King's Head " Hotel I paused. A 'bus
was coming over the bridge, all aglow with yellow

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 117

sunlight, and I saw a girl in a bright blue jumper
standing on the pavement there, looking upstream.
Another who passed me had gold in her hair, and
another had the whitest teeth I've ever seen.

" Away with the office ! " I thought. " Why should
I bother jnyself?"

The river called me. I had no deep desire to go
on it, but I wanted very much to walk by it, and hear
its merry gurgle and chatter. Why should I catch
the next train?

I crossed over to the tobacconist's shop at the
comer, replenished my pouch, and left my suit-case
with him for awhile. Then I went down the steps and
on the riverside, where the boatmen were busy cleaning
and painting their punts and skiffs. Everywhere was
warm sunlight, and the smell of fresh air, and the pleas-
ant sound of running water.

As I continued my way downstream something
within me sang for joy. It was a sort of requiem.
Dead was the stodgy, stuffy old office ! Dead the daily
train journey! Dead the scramble for mid-day lunch
in the dust of the city ! Dead, at last, was the unend-
ing sameness of every to-morrow. . . .

I smoked like furyl By the time I reached the
Old Deer Park, I found myself knocking out my pipe
and filling and lighting it again. Onwards I went,
until I reached and entered Kew Gardens. In there,
I watched the wild ducks disporting themselves on the
pond, and began wondering if any of them came
from Africa.

I even searched for and f otmd trees which grew on
the Dark Continent. . . .

How green and sweet the grass was ! (Better than
the carpet in the office.) I sat down on it and then

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ii8 THE GLAND STEALERS

turned over and lay with my chin resting in cupped
hands. Through half-closed eyes, I studied the largest
of the islands in the pond and speculated as to whether
anyone— other than the unappreciative officials — had
ever ventured into its jungle-like foliage.

A little black duck came out from one of the minia-
ture bays in the island, dived, and re24)peared a dozen
yards further out. It dived again; and I pictured it
beneath the green water, searching for fat worms in the
mud at the bottom.

" The open-air and — f reedcwn ! " I thought. " How
good it is to be alive ! "

Another pipe of tobacco gone I

When I had refilled it, I got up and crossed over
to one of the drinking fountains and swallowed a great
draught of ice cold water. (The water is wonderful
at Kew I So clear and fresh and cold I)

I visited the green-houses and hot-houses. Still
more visions ot Africa. . . . The heat was a little
stifling, perhaps; but, who cared?

I spent over a quarter of an hour in the orchid
house — ^until the attendants apparently grew suspicious
and the perfume half intoxicated me.

Then, the open air again and still another pipe !

It was now eleven o'clock and the sun shone from
a cloudless blue sky — ^the same old sun that I should
see in Gaboon and through the tree tops of the African
forests. ... (A strange but comforting thought,
that — how the dear old sun follows its children into
the uttermost parts of the earth. Thank Heaven gorillas
didn't live at the North Pole I I hated cold.)

Homewards I came at last. Down the gravel path-
ways and across smooth green lawns — (No "Keep
off the Grass" notices in Kew Gardens!) — and be-

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 119

tween bushes laden with white, glistening blossoms, and
by the side of tulip and hyacinth beds. And, every-
where, was the song of birds. . . .

I tried, in a moment of voluntarily-imposed melan-
choly, to think of the office and derkdom. But I
couldn't grip or visualize it. And yet Africa seemed
extraordinarily near and real.

Behind some bushes on the left, I caught a glimpse
of the African Crane — " Freddy," as Molly called him.
He came striding along in that haughty and lady-like
way of his — an ash-gray symbol of the true poetry of
motion. I wondered if I should ever see his brothers
and sisters in their native habitat.

I strolled towards him, but he moved gracefully
and disdainfully away. Probably, he despised me.
What did I, a wretched civil servant, know of his life
and ambitions? What right had I to pay a penny
to come and gaze at him as if he wa$ some curio in
a museum?

I agreed with him. When I reached Africa it was
I who would be a curiosity — I who would be an object
of scrutiny and, possibly, amusement I recalled those
wicked and cunning little monkey-eyes in my dreams of
the previous night, and I couldn't help laughing. It
seemed so ludicrous to think that presently the measure
of my importance in a Government office would be
turned topsy-turvy and have to adjust itself to the
ape standard of the African jungle. What would be
the value of my civilized brain when pitted against
their natural ctmning and cruelty and physical strength?
Would they be impressed by the position I took in that
infernal entrance examination? Which would win —
brains or beef?

As I came out of the Gardens into the main road I

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I20 THE GLAND STEALERS

heard the sound of an aeroplane engine, looked up, and
saw the black speck of machinery travelling slowly
up river. The pavements, the houses, the busses and
motor cars, and the people around me took on an air of
unreality. In an instant I was in Gaboon, setting out
to fetch our daily cargo of live gorillas.

'* Whoa — ^guv'nor ! " cried a voice.

I lowered my gaze just in time to avert a collision
with a ladder and innumerable pots and pans, and once
more the paraphernalia of modem civilization obtruded
itself into my consciousness.

"Better 'phone to the office," I thought, "and
let them know Tm not coming to-day. I wonder who'll
have to tackle that Wilson file now? What a mess!
What a conglomeration of correspondence and Board's
orders ! What a fuss over nothing ! Why do civil ser-
vants and their overlords spend their lives in writing
and talking and arguing with one another? "

I didn't bother to answer the question — ^it all seemed
such a feeble waste of time and energy.

When I reached the station I entered a telephone
box, got through to the office at last, and broke the
news to one of my colleagues — sl tall, thin, dyspeptic
individual called Swanson — a " promotion " man who
took work very seriously, in the hope of some ultimate
and earthly reward for his industry and intelligence.

" Hello! " I said. " That you, Swanson? This is
Bamett speaking."

"Anything the matter?" he asked. "Not ill,
I hope."

"Yes! I'm taking sick leave at once. I'm sick
of the work, sick of the office, sick of the Civil Service
— dead beat!"

A horrified pause. Then :

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 121

'* You sound very cheerful in spite of it 1 What's
happened? Any message for the chief? "

" My love and blessings ! Tell him that I'm going
for a sea voyage — for the good of my soul ! "

" You're joking. . . ."

" Not a bit ! I'm going to Gaboon."

'' Where f'

" Gaboon ! It's a health resort on the west coast
of Equatorial Africa--=^ favorite spot for day trips
into the heart of the Gorilla Country."

Another pause. Poor old Swanson ! Then :

" Are you really sending in a sick note, Bamett? "

" Dozens of *em ! I left the service at nine-thirty
this morning, relinquished my prospects of promotion,
sacrificed my pension at sixty! Isn't it exciting?"

" Been left some money? "

" Not a cent! I've merely found another job."

" You're pulling my leg! "

I detected a distinct note of envy in the exclamation.
Even the industrious Swanson felt that he would have
been better off in the business world than in the
Civil Service.

"I'm an explorer!" I said. "If you're good, I
shall send you some tusks and things when I get
to Gaboon."

" You don't mean to say that you actually are going
to Africa?"

" All the way — and .then some ! "

At this point the exchange butted in with the
simple explanation that my time limit was up.

" Bye-bye! " I said. " I'll drop you a line. . . ."

I hung up the receiver, emerged from my box, and
hurried out into the stmlight again.

So that was that!

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122 THE GLAND STEALERS

When I was in my right mind again I would write
to my Lords the Commissioners, and confirm my tele-
phone message, but in my present mood I should have
found it impossible to sit down and subscribe myself
as their obedient servant, George Bamett. It was so
palpably untrue. I was nobody's servant this morn-
ing — ^nobody's I

Back in the town again the whim seized me to go
into the Public Library and glean a few interesting
tit-bits about the gentle gorilla and its playful ways.
So I consulted the librarian, borrowed Du Chaillu's
" Equatorial Africa," and sat down and commenced
reading.

It was an absorbing book; and on that bright,
adventurous morning it gripped me more fiercely than
the finest love story ever written. Parts of it made me
shiver, and yet they fascinated. The description of one
disastrous encounter with a gorilla ran as follows : —

" We picked him (a native) up and I dressed
his wounds as well as I could with rags torn from
my clothes. When I had given him a little brandy
he came to himself and was able, but with great
difficulty, to speak. He said that he had met the
gorilla suddenly and face to face, and that it had
not attempted to escape. It was, he said, a huge
male, and seemed very savage. It was in a very
gloomy part of the wood, and the darkness, I
suppose, made him miss. He said he took good
aim, and fired when the beast was only about eight
yards off. The ball merely wounded it in the side.
It at once began beating its breasts, and with the
greatest rage advanced upon him.

" To run away was impossible. He would have

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 123

been caught in the jungle before he had gone a
dozen steps.

*' He stood his ground, and, as quickly as he
could, reloaded his gun. Just as he raised it to
fire the gorilla dashed it out of his hands, the gun
going off in the fall; and then in an instant, and
with a terrible roar, the animal gave him a tremen-
dous blow with its immense open paw, frightfully
lacerating the abdomen and with this single blow
laying bare part of the intestines. As he sank
bleeding to the ground, the monster seized the gun,
and the poor hunter thought he would have his
brains dashed out with it But the gorilla seemed
to have looked upon this as an enemy, and in
his rage almost flattened the barrel between his
strong jaws.

^' This is their mode when attacked — to strike
one or two blows, and then leave the victims
of their rage on the ground and go off into
the woods. . . ."

I was impressed. And, when I thought of Gran'pa's
intention of taking these huge, muscular, six-foot
brutes alive and unharmed, I was almost stupefied.
It seemed impossible. Indeed, the writer of the book
I was reading said that up to that time (i860) no fully
grown male gorilla had ever been taken alive.

The more I pondered on the matter, the more was
I struck by the dangerous novelty of our undertaking.
Elephants might be shot for their tusks, tigers and
leopards for their skins, bears for their fur, and hun-
dreds of other animals for the love of the chase. But
we were far superior to this form of sport. We were

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124 THE GLAND STEALERS

going out with the express intention of getting " the
goods " — these terrible monarchs of the African
jungle — in all their living and ferocious glory. I had
little doubt that Gran'pa had already thought out some
method, but I didn't see how it could be of the slightest
use unless backed by actual, practical experience-— of
which he had none.

I closed the book I had been reading, handed it back
to the librarian, mentally shook myself, and emerged
once more into the stmny streets of civilization. For
the first time that day I found the sight of my fellow
creatures comforting and soothing. My enthusiasm
was as great as ever, but it was tinctured by a grim
realization of the extreme difficulty of our task.

I could see that a gorilla in the bush was far worse
than two in a menagerie. Alfred, for all his ferocity,
had been no more than a pale ghost of his wild brothers
in the woods. Confinement and our wretched English
climate must have softened his physique, even if they
hadn't softened his temper. And yet I shuddered at
the thought of meeting Alfred loose, in Richmond
Park, say, and having to capture him alive. Jiujitsu
would be useless; so would lassoing, or boxing, or
wrestling. The strength of even half a dozen men
rolled into one would be no match for such a colossal
2lnd muscular mechanism.

I could think of no reliable method save the very
one which was taboo— a steady aim, the right moment,
a sudden explosion, and the deadly bullet. What could
Gran'pa's plan be? I gave it up. Neither my brains
(nor my glands) were equal to the solution of such
a problem, and so I cast about for something of more
immediate interest — and had lunch.

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 125

After that, I felt much quieter, and the African
jungle temporarily receded to its proper position in
suburban life.

The afternoon was still before me, but I felt too
much like a truant schoolboy to venture home — Molly
would have been so inquisitive and Nanny so curious.
Strange it was, especially at such a time as this, that I
should be afraid of two mere women; but even big
game hunters are human. . . .

I went across Petersham Common and back along
the river side. Then I picked up my suit-case at the
tobacconist's, got a 'bus to the station and proceeded
to town.

Gran'pa and Stringer met me, as arranged. They
were very excited and the hypnotist was bristling
with animation.

" Most interesting, George ! " exclaimed Gran'pa.
"But I shan't be satisfied until we've been to the
menagerie at Bristol."

My brain suddenly cleared.
'* I can half guess ! " I said.
" Has it only just dawned on you? " he cried.
I bowed my head, ashamed of my previous dulness.
" You're going to hypnotize them ! " I gasped.
Gran'pa was in excellent form and as merry as a
youth of twenty. It was absurd to think that he was
nearly a hundred.

" In common parlance, George, we intend putting
the * fluence ' on 'em. Calling them, staring them into
submission, and then suddenly commanding them. It's
the old story of the lion-tamer and the lions, with this
difference. Instead of having to deal with the lower
and less intelligent order of animals, we have the great

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126 THE GLAND STEALERS

advantage of applying the same method to brutes which
are second only to men. What the politician does to the
crowd, the tub-thumper to the mob, the religious re-
vivalist to the sinner — we shall do to the apes. Man-
mind against monkey-mind. It's brains that count,
my boy! Brains I . . ."

" Did it work at the Zoo? " I asked.

"Partly. But what can one expect there? The
poor wretches are half stupefied. There isn't a really
wild, alert animal in the place. Their minds are drugged
with captivity and monotony and unnatural food. A
test like this is of little value until we try it under
normal conditions."

We had dinner and, at Gran'pa's instigation,
Stringer gave the order.

It was astounding to see the masterful way he
glanced round the room, beckoned the appropriate-
waiter to our table and sent him rushing away again.

A few minutes later, the first course was before us
— as if by magic!

Never have I had such a quick, well-served dinner,
or encountered such a courteous, electrified waiter.
The man's soul was not his own. It was simply a
pawn in the hand of a skilful player.

" The ball no question makes of ayes or noes,
But right or left, as strikes the player, goes."

Even the God of Omar shrank into insignificance
by the side of ours.

"I'm sorry for that waiter," whispered gran'pa
to me. " But I'm sorrier for those gorillas. We have
them like that!"

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 127

He took up a crisp roll of bread and broke it
in two.

" There's a vast difference between a tame waiter
and a wild African gorilla/' I pointed out, thinking
of some of the gruesome accounts I had been reading
that morning.

" Give me the gorilla ! " laughed Gran'pa. " Much
more intelligent and useful. It could fetdi and carry
every bit as well as that man; eh, Stringer? "

Stringer nodded and went on eating.

He looked as if he had a weight on his mind. Like
all great men, he seemed to hold himself a little aloof
from his fellow creatures. Possibly, his soul was too
busy at the switchboard of his mental machinery to
notice external trifles. I pictured it dashing perspir-
ingly up and down the corridors of his brain, pulling
first this lever and then that — ^turning on the various
currents required to subdue his weaker brethren. And
yet he was not all soul. His colossal appetite dispelled
any such illusion as that. He ate ravenously, quickly,
and a trifle piggishly. He also kept a watchful eye
on the wine bottle.

When we had finished, Gran'pa tipped the waiter
twice as much as usual— conscience money !

" How do you feel? " he asked, gently.

The poor, exhausted wretch looked startled and
puzzled for a moment, as if someone had suddenly
probed into one of the most cherished secrets of
his life.

'' Like . . . that! " he gasped, dropping his hands
limply to his side.

"But why did you hurry so much?" persisted
Gran'pa, in an undertone.

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128 THE GLAND STEALERS

"Dunno, sir! Couldn't help it. . . . It was like
as if something had 'old of me."

"Where?"

"... Right down . . . inside!"

Gran'pa chuckled to himself.
" You'll feel better in the morning," he said. " Don't
let it worry you. You'll be able to take it quietly again
to-morrow night. . . ."

We emerged into the street and commenced walking
towards Piccadilly Circus.

'* That's the stuff to give *em!" quoted Gran'pa.
" It's very wonderful, George ! The sort of thing one
can't explain. Call it Animal Magnetism, Hypnotism,

* Fluence ' or what you like, and you're still no nearer.
It must be a force, as inexplicable and yet as undefinable
as the ability some men have of immediately making
friends with other men or even animals. The thing
is, can we turn it on the gorilla? Can we call him in
his own lang^ge, or entice him into the magnetic field
in some other way, and then suddenly take all the wind
out of his sails and render him inert and submissive? "

" I don't think you realize the kind of brute we're
up against," I said. " It's the most ferocious and dan-
gerous animal in the jungle. It is absolutely fearless,
and it possesses the strength of half-a-dozen men at
least. What chance will a parrot cry and a hypnotic

* glare ' have against such a creature? "

" That's what we're going to find out. The gorilla
has many advantages over us, but, in the end, we have
the advantage — a human brain. To begin with, I'll
guarantee that I could disguise myself so that no gorilla
cotild tell me from one of its own kind at half-a-dozen
yards away."

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 129

I forewent the obyious and flippant retort to this.
I said, instead:

" Your idea is to dress up Mr. Stringer as a sort
of hypnotic super-gorilla?"

"Precisely!"

Stringer was trotting along by our side as though
quite oblivious of the fact that he would play such
a vital part in our plans. He certainly listened to our
talk, but he listened as if only out of mere politeness.
He made no comment and gave no sign of emotion.
Sphinx-like — Old-Bill-like — ^he was one of the most
uncanny specimens of humanity I had met. I don't
think he had spoken a dozen words during the whole
evening. Was he brooding over a secret sorrow; or
was he merely taciturn and unsociable?

At Piccadilly Circus, we took the Tube to Padding-
ton Station and, about half-an-hour later, were en route
to Bristol.

It was then that Stringer spoke.

" If you'll excuse me," he said, " I think I'll have
a little nap. I'm very tired."

" Do so by all means I " answered Gran'pa.

We had the carriage to ourselves, and Stringer
immediately stretched himself out on the opposite seat,
placed my suit-case under his head and dropped off to
sleep as easily and naturally as a child.

" Queer diap . . ." whispered Gran'pa. " But what
can one expect? A man with a power like his must
be abnormal."

" Yes. ... I suppose so! "

'' He simply doesn't know what fear is. He handled
that gorilla and chimpanzee at the Zoo like a mother
of ten managing her latest arrival. And yet he'd never
seen anything bigger than a pet monkey before."
9

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130 THE GLAND STEALERS

I was astonished — but refused to show it in front
of Gran'pa.

" How did you discover him? " I asked.

"Advertised, and then wrote and arranged an
interview. He used to be a lion-tamer. At the same
time, I fixed up with those menagerie people at Bristol
to allow me a few minutes intercourse with their gorilla.
They have what is supposed to be one of the finest
specimens in Europe; and, what is better still, it's wild.
Every attempt at taming it has proved useless."

" A sort of Alfred the Second," I suggested.

"By jove!" he murmured, reminiscently. "It
seems twenty or thirty years ago since . . . that affair.
To tell the truth, I can't recollect much about the brute.
Was it very ferocious? "

I remembered how it had torn at the bars of its
cage in a mad endeavor to get at Gran'pa, and how
it had nearly removed a handful of his beard.

" It is not seemly that we should speak ill of the
departed," I said, " but Alfred was the most vindictive-
lodcing and malicious-minded beast I've ever seen."

" Anyway, / can never repay the debt I owe him . . ."
mused Gran'pa. " It's strange to think that millions
of years ago we severed our connection with the apes
and strode upwards into manhood ; and now . . . we're
returning to them again to save the aged of our race."

" It's like making brothers of our first cousins,"
I observed.

Our conversation trickled on for some time in this
spectilative vein until, at last, Gran'pa said that he
wotild follow Stringer's example.

" It's been a very busy day," he said, with a yawn.
" And I'm not as young as I used to be, George. . . ."

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WE SET OUT FOR BRISTOL 131

If ever a truth sounded like an untruth, that phrase
certainly did.

He made himself a»nfortable in the corner of the
seat and was soon asleep. On the other hand, I was
more wide awake than I had been for years. The
whole world seemed topsy-turvy. Who would have
thought, twelve months ago, that I shotild ever travel
in the same railway carriage as a mental magnetist and
a middle-aged man of ninety-five? Who could have
guessed that I, George Bamett, of His Majesty's Civil
Service, would ever have the opportunity of seeking
fame and monkey-g^ds in the jungles of Africa?

For a long time I thus ruminated on the past. And
then I suddenly turned to the future.

The train had stopped. I looked out of the window.

"Bristol!" I cried. "Wake up I"

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CHAPTER IX
gran'pa digs up an old romance

As it was eleven o'clock when we reached Bristol,
we immediately made for the nearest hotel,
L partook of a light supper, and went to bed.

" We're being called at six-thirty sharp in the
morning/' said Gran'pa, as we parted on the landing.
" Breakfast's at a quarter-past seven, and we reach
the menagerie at eight. They leave for Gloucester at
ten. Night-night!"

In five minutes I was in bed, in another ten sound
asleep. I dreamt a little, but not as hideously and
consistently as during the previous night; and at the
appointed hour next morning I arose with a feeling
of exuberant expectation. To-day, I should witness
the Great Prelude to Adventure. After ten years of
lingering death in a Government office the resurrection
had come. I was alive !

Although each of us tried to conceal the fact, we
were very excited and ate far less breakfast than usual.
Stringer, on whom the brunt of the situation would
naturally fall, was quite abstemious. He constmied
only one piece of bacon and a little toast. But he drank
three cups of strong coffee — and looked much better
for it. . . •

Breakfast over, we took a taxi to the huge canvas
town on the outskirts of the city.

Already, at the early hour of eight o'clock, it was

thronged with industrious, gesticulating citizens who

were knocking pegs from out of the groimd, loosening

ropes, and lowering and rolling up the vast expanse

133

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 133

of gray-white canvas. Little columns of blue smoke
ascended vertically and steadily from the caravan chim-
neys into the still air ; there was the confused noise of
many people talking and shouting; the smell of trodden
orange peel, frizzling bacon, and wild beasts ; the thud
of horses' feet on the soft turf ; and then, suddenly, the
sotmd of a man crying out : " Go easy, damn your eyes !
. . . Mind that rope, Jim ! "

We wended our way through the litter and commo-
tion and smell, until we found some responsible-looking
person who conducted us to the proprietor's caravan,
a travelling palace of yellow and blade, with its brass-
work shining in the morning sun like burnished gold.
There we met the strange man who amassed wealth by
the simple method of exhibiting wild animals in cages,
freaks on platforms, ladies and gentlemen on galloping
horses. He shook hands with us, looked curiously at
Stringer for a few moments, and then led the way to an
isolated cage situated in one comer of the field.

" I had it brought up here into a quiet spot where
you won't be disturbed," he said.

A canvas curtain was hung over the front of the
van and when this had been removed we fotmd our-
selves confronted by a sheet of plate glass, behind
which were the steel bars that kept our friend the
gorilla at bay.

" Consumption is the greatest danger we have to
face," said the proprietor. " Next to that, we have to
guard against cold. You'll notice the cage is specially
made for keeping contaminated air out and the heat
in — ^particularly during the performances and in cold
weather. The atmosphere is kept moist by means of
an electric heater in that pool of salt water, and the
four radiators you see maintain a temperature varying

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134 THE GLAND STEALERS

from about 60 to 90 degrees each day — ^which is the
average variation in the jungle. Nothing is worse for
the gorilla than a constant degree of heat, which one
never finds under natural conditions.

" Over nursing and pampering is another danger.
Given careful attention to all these details, there seems
to be no reason why gorillas shouldn't live for twenty
or thirty years in captivity. We've had this one over
ten years, and he's as strong and healthy as the day
he landed at Southampton. He's a very fine fellow and
weighs two htmdred and fifty pounds and measures
six foot one — in his socks I "

During the whole of this instructive little speech
I had been watching the brute carefully — as carefully
(but not as maliciously) as he watched us — and I was
astounded at the formidable and muscular immensity
of his frame. Alfred seemed but a child compared with
the specimen before us. One sensed the capacity for
merciless cruelty and cunning behind those alert, dark
gray eyes, terrific strength in the long arms, and hor-
rible, crushing properties in the tremendous, projecting
jaws. " Monarch of the Jungle " was a feeble expres-
sion for such a creature. Fiend Incarnate would have
been more appropriate. When I glanced at Stringer
through the corner of my eyes I half shuddered. The
contrast between these two antagonists was ludicrous —
as ludicrous as Charlie Chaplin versus Carpentier.

Gran'pa was the first of us to break the silence.

"I congratulate you, sir!" he said in quiet and
dignified phraseology. " Your knowledge of the treat-
ment of these animals in captivity should prove of very
great assistance to me later. Meanwhile — is it pos-
sible to remove the plate glass? "

It wasl In less than ten minutes half-a-dozen men

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 135

had taken down the great metal framework in which it
was set (and clamped to the cage), and there was noth-
ing between us and the gorilla save a row of metal bars.

We heard the beast give a deep sigh, as if it appre-
ciated a greater sense of freedom. It raised itself on
the layer of earth which covered the bottom of the cage,
stretched its immense arms to their fullest extent,
inflated its chest, and then came waddling across to the
comer nearest to Stringer, swinging its arms to pre-
serve its balance. Qutching at the bars with its hands,
it squatted down, drew back its flap-like lips in an
expression of intense hatred, and began glaring steadily
and evilly at "Old Bill's" double. Call it merely
imagination if you like, but I am certain that it instinc-
tively sensed him as an enemy of its race.

For fully a minute, none of us uttered a sound.
Gran'pa was holding his breath expectantly, the Mena-
gerie Man looked on with a sort of detached interest,
and Stringer was evidently battling with all the powers
of his strange and uncanny nature — returning stare
for stare — as immobile and silent as a statue.

Suddenly, the brute let out a terrible and blood-
curdling shriek, which sent an ice cold wave down my
spine. It shook at the bars of the cage, ground its
teeth, and quivered with rage. Then it abruptly relaxed,
dropped its arms to its side and went waddling away
into the comer furthest away from Stringer. Clearly,
it was already very shaken and intimidated and kept
tuming its head from side to side in dismay.

The Menagerie Man grunted. Stringer lowered his
bristling moustache and Gran'pa todc a deep breath.
The moment he did this I guessed what was coming.

"?..?..?!...?..?..?!..." Gran'pa cried.

It was a peculiar, clucking, guttural sound, which

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136 THE GLAND STEALERS

came from the back of the throat, and the second
it was uttered the great ape turned its head and listened
in amazement to its native call.

"?..?..?!" repeated Gran'pa, kindly but firmly.

The brute hesitated, as if still uncertain whether
to respond or not.

At last it found its voice and answered — ^in identical
tones! Gran'pa repeated the signal, at the same
time whispering:

" Quick, Stringer ! Over here ! "

And then the miracle happened. The gorilla hur-
ried waddlingly across to us, Gran'pa and Stringer
exchanged places, and the latter lodced the brute full
in the face, and suddenly emitted a monosyllablic ejacu-
lation which sounded like:

"Tchah!''

The gorilla's eyes lost their ferocity, its lips closed
over the hideous teeth, its arms and body grew limp,
and a plaintive whine escaped it, like a human cry
of distress.

The next moment Stringer the Fearless, had ex-
tended a hand into the cage and gently pressed the
gorilla's head to the ground I

If ever an animal knew its master, that poor subju-
gated brute in the cage certainly did. It literally bit
the dust, and from the peculiar noise it kept making
I gathered that it was conscious of draining the cup
of indignity to the last dregs. My heart went out to it
in its almost human agony. ' Had any animal ever
before been in such a shameful position as this harm-
less, inoffensive ape, crouching there on all fours, like
a slave beneath the foot of a Roman Emperor? Had
there ever before been such an instance of all-conquer-
ing mental prowess as Stringer's victory over this two

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 137

hundred and fifty pound personification of mus-
cular cruelty?

Gran'pa and I and the Menagerie Man stood there
spell-bound and breathless, whilst Stringer slowly
stroked the huge head and pulled at the little,
furry ears.

" Be careful! " whispered Gran'pa.

But the warning came a second too late. With
amazing swiftness the brute had suddenly shot out
its long, hairy arm, gripped Stringer round the waist
and tugged him to the bars of the cage.

As he struck them we heard the breath driven from
his body, as if he had been hit a terrific blow below the
belt, and the ape gave a hideous cry of triumph — ^long
and deep, like the rolling of a drum.

We flung ourselves on the encircling arm, tearing
at it and hammering it with clenched fists, but it was
like trying to remove an iron band. The muscles were
as hard as stone and I felt them quivering as they
contracted more and more closely.

" Quick, George ! Get that crowbar ! " cried
Gran'pa.

I turned round, rushed over to the spot where the
implement was lying, some half-a-dozen yards away,
and picked it up.

By dint of great effort, we managed at last to thrust
it between the arm and Stringer. Then we pulled, lever
fashion, using the bottom of the cage as a fulcrum.

" Harder! " shouted Gran'pa.

As the three of us tugged and strained we heard the
wood splinter and give a little, and with a moan of
anguish the imprisoned man collapsed. But there was
still no sign of capitulation on the part of the gorilla.

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138 THE GLAND STEALERS

It held on firmly and stoically and resolutely — ^the em-
bodiment of inexorable revenge.

Above the fierce pounding of my heart, I heard th^
sound of running footsteps on the soft turf and, an
eternity later, two men arrived.

" Grab it — and pull ! " cried the Menagerie Man.

Even with the five of us straining our utmost at
that crowbar the brute would not relax a muscle.

" Hold on ... a minute . . ." gasped Gran'pa,
suddenly letting go. " I've an idea ! "

We hung on grimly and doggedly, and as we did
so we saw the gorilla slowly wriggling its body up-
wards until its great jaws were c^posite to Stringer's
face, which was resting limply against the bars of
the cage.

In a flash Gran'pa was to the rescue. He pulled
the tmconscious man's head away from the menace
of those awful teeth, took out a penknife, and sud-
denly jabbed it into the fleshiest part of the brute's arm.

There was a scream of pain, a spluttered, half-
human curse, a sudden relaxation, and the next mo-
ment everything gave way and we were sprawling on
the ground.

We arose to the most frightful pandemonium imag-
inable. The gorilla was rushing excitedly round the
cage, shaking at the bars, tearing up the earth with its
hands, and flinging the stuff at us in a paroxysm of
fury. Its language was hideous, and consisted of a
series of short barks and high-pitched screams, which
made my ears sing and sent the blood rushing through
my veins like cold water.

"Can't you do anything?" I shouted at Gran'pa.
''Speak to it, man!"

He inflated his chest, advanced towards the cage,

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 139

and gave that weird, inexpressible cry which in ape
language was intended to signify alarm.

Three times he repeated it at the top of his v(Hce.
Gradually, the enraged brute grew quieter, uttered a
moan of distress and retreated to a comer of the cage,
shivering with fear. There it sat, like an old man,
nursing its wounded arm and whimpering to itself
about the callous injustice of life.

The Menagerie Man stared at Gran'pa and then at
the gorilla.

" Phew I " he breathed, wiping his perspiring brow.
" I don't know whether I'm on my head or my heels.
It's . . . like a nightmare."

We picked up poor little Stringer, who had now
regained consciousness, carried him into the nearest
caravan and sent for a doctor. When he arrived
we were informed that there were no injuries, beyond
a couple of broken ribs and a severe bruising. This
was certainly bad enough, but we all felt that it had
been a miraculous escape — and a distinct warning to us
not to tamper with the unknown forces of nature.

"This hypnotism," I said to Gran'pa, presently,
" isn't going to be reliable enough a method. It's too
risky. If that had happened in the African jimgle
there'd have been no Stringer left to tell the tale
afterwards."

"Nonsense!" he replied. "The conditions out
there will be quite the reverse of here."

" That's just what I've been saying! "

"I'm afraid you miss my point, George. What
I mean is that we shall be in the cage and the gorillas
outside. We shall simply adopt the procedure followed
by ' What's-his-name?' — ^that explorer — when he was

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I40 THE GLAND STEALERS

studying the chimpanzee and gorilla in their native
haunts. He lived in the cage, and the apes wandered
around it. Surely that's simple enough I "

"Everything is — ^the moment you tackle it!" I
exclaimed.

" Now don't be sarcastic, George 1 If you wish to
withdraw just because of this little setbadc. . . ."

"I made no such suggestion. Fm keener than
ever. But it's just as well to anticipate the difficulties
we're bound to encounter."

" That's what I've been doing all along. Why do
you think I've taken so much trouble over these initial
experiments? Wasn't it with the idea of perfecting
our method of attack before we actually get there? "

It seemed boorish to criticize a man so invincibly
logical, and I tendered an apology for having done so.

" I think you'll agree, however," I said, " that we
must have something better to fall back on than
mere hypnotism."

" Granted ! I've given much thought to the
question."

" Any result? " I asked, anxiously.

" Y-e-s ! I think I've pretty well solved it at last.
Roughly, my plan is to wait in the cage with Stringer,
call the gorilla to us, hold him for a moment or two
with the magnetic gaze, and then let him have a whiff
or two of gas ! "

" Do you mean poison gas? " I gasped.

" Not exactly 1 We shall stupefy him and make
him unconscious, if possible, but the stuff mustn't go
beyond that. It won't have to leave any injurious
effects behind. I've already ascertained that such a
thing is possible."

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 141

"Your ingenuity is • . . limitless!" I exclaimed*

" It's necessary . . ." he answered, simply.

" I should think it is ! Upon my word, Gran'pa ! "

^^ Ah! Here's our friend the circus proprietor!"

He had just returned from issuing orders to some
of his men and looked very pensive.

" I'm sorry all this trouble should have occurred,
Mr. Boswell," said Gran'pa. " Particularly the episode
with the knife. ... If there is any monetary compen-
sation I can make, I hope you won't fail to. . . ."

"Well," interrupted the other. "I think you've
knocked a good bit off his value. He's never been
exactly gentle in his ways, but he's a thousand times
worse now than ever he was." He paused and then said,
expressively : " I've just had another look at him. . . ."

" Oh, he'll quieten down again in a day or two."

The Menagerie Man shook his head.

"A brute like that never forgets — ^and never for-
gives. He'll brood on it. I shall have to strengthen
that cage. Already he's bent a couple of the bars. . . ."

" But surely he's shown signs of a temper before
this!"

" Yes! But not spitefully. Once a brute like that
gets spiteful it's the very devil to pay. He'll start
flinging earth about, screaming at people — doing any-
thing he can to annoy or destroy."

Gran'pa looked a little ashamed of himself (but
very interested).

" I can hardly believe that this affair will change
his whole nature," he said. " At any rate, I sincerely
hope not. I can only express my deepest regret, Mr.
Boswell; and, as I said before, if there is anything I
can do in the way of . . ."

" It's knocked at least a good fifty pounds off his

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142 THE GLAND STEALERS

value ..." observed the Menagerie Man, half to
himself.

" That's a rather high figure."

"Well, we'll say forty. . . ."

Gran'pa looked a little annoyed. But in the end
he paid up, and half-an-hour later we were convesring
the bruised and broken Stringer by car to a hospital,
where he was eventually trussed up in splints and
bandages and handed over to us again for removal
to town.

In the first class compartment which we reserved,
he looked very quaint, sitting perfectly stiff and straight,
with a couple of pillows behind his back.

"THIS SIDE UP! WITH CARE!" I couldn't
help thinking.

" Any pain? " asked Gran'pa.

" Not much ! It's a numbed sensation — ^with a
sharp twinge every now and again."

He winced as we suddenly went rattling and sway-
ing through a junction.

" It was most unfortunate ! " said Gran'pa. " Still,
we live and learn. ... I hope this hasn't made you
change your mind."

" No I " answered Stringer, biting his lip as we
shot over a medley of joints in the line.

I admired the man's courage. There was no doubt
that he felt the pain far more than he cared to admit ;
and he had come through an ordeal such as few men
would be willing to risk again.

" You're the stuff we want on this expedition," said
Gran'pa. " I'm proud of you, Stringer! "

From Paddington Station we brought him home by
taxi, put him to bed and then fought despairingly

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 143

against the volley of questions which Molly had ready
for us.

"What's happened, Daddy?'* she asked, a little
wide-eyed at the visicHi of trussed humanity.

" Oh I . . . A slight accident. Mr. Stringer has
broken a rib or two, and we're letting him stay here
until he's well again."

" I know where you've been I " she said, when she
had absorbed this item of news.

"Who told you?"

" I did, George ! " answered Gran'pa. " Will you
get it into your head that Molly is part and parcel
of this expedition."

" If you mean that she's coming gorilla-hunting
with us ..." I began, excitedly.

" She'll come to Gaboon, anyway," he said, quietly.

" It's absurd. The idea of a child of twelve . . ."

" Daddy I You are mean! " she cried. " I shan't
stop at home. If you leave me I ... I shall nm
away . . . and I wonU go to school. • • •

" What's that, yoimg woman? "

"Let her alone, George! You don't deserve a
daughter! The child has spirit and it ought to be
fostered, not squashed. In my young days a girl of
her age would have wept her eyes out at the mere
thought of leaving home — ^let alone going abroad and
perhaps fljring by aeroplane. This is the chance of
her life. Isn't it, Molly? "

" Yes ! " she cried, jubilantly, nmning to him and
jumping on his knee.

I groaned. These two . . . children were insepa-
rable — and incorrigible.

"The sea voyage," went on Gran'pa, relentlessly.

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144 THE GLAND STEALERS

"will do her fifty times as much good as all the
schooling in the world."

"I doubt it ..." I said, feeling like a dog in
the manger.

"H^^ don't I Do we, Molly?"

" No . . . fear I " she chortled, simply pouncing
on the last word. " It will be the loveliest thing that
ever was!" She got down from the knees of her
confederate and protector and ran over to me: " Oh!
Daddy ! You might let me."

" You'd be terribly sick," I said, pulling at her hair.

" I wouldn't mind a bit. It'll be only at first. I
should soon get over it"

"There are no theatres or moving pictures in
Gaboon."

" Pooh ! I can see those any time ! "

"You'd leave Nanny?" I asked, playing my
last trtunp.

She hesitated a moment — imtil the obvious struck
her.

" But couldn't she come, too? "

" By all means! " I said, glaring at Gran'pa. " This
is a quiet little family trip. We might even invite
a few dozen friends as well."

"Now, George!" admonished Gran'pa. "Don't
be feeble ! Molly's suggestion is quite natural, but un-
fortunately, my dear," he said, addressing her direct,
" it would not be convenient to take Nanny. She will
stay and lode after the house. And, in any case, she
wouldn't want to come. She was never intended for
quick transit from place to place."

Like all the rest of Gran'pa's ideas, this one of tak-
ing Molly with us to Gaboon looked idiotic at first;
then it slowly emerged into a perfectly reasonable

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 145

tfiough slightly unconventional project. After all, the
sea voyage wotdd undoubtedly do her good. The
question was, would the climate of Gaboon do like-
wise? I asked this ninety-five-year-old usurper of my
parental authority what he had to say to that?

" Oh, I don't think you need worry, George. There
are spots on the north bank of the river which are
moderately healthy, so V\t ascertained. In addition,
we shall seldom be away for more than a few nights
at a time — that's the beauty of aeroplaningi "

** Meanwhile, where's Molly going to stay? She
can't wander about alone.'*

" She'll be with other whites — at one of the mis-
sion stations.'*

** Heaven help the missionaries I " I gasped.

" You are rude. Daddy I " cried Molly.

" After all, my dear," I explained, " a missionary
is only sent out to enlighten the poor misguided heathen
— he isn't supposed to tackle the modem white girl
as weU."

"Don't you believe it, George," cried Gran'pa.
"They'll be delighted to have a bundle of mischief
like Molly trotting arotmd. It'll conjure up visions of
the homdand — and all the rest of it. . . . She'll have
the time of her life there. I've managed to obtain an
introduction to the Rev. Timothy Brady from a very
old friend of his who knows the place well. The
station is at Baraka, on the summit of a hill and near
the north shore of the Gaboon river. There are plenty
of lime and fruit trees there, as well as the cocoanut
and mango. Also, a church— a library — a school ..."
he said, looking at Molly.

" 0/1/ ''she exclaimed. " I think it's horrid. . . ."
10

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146 THE GLAND STEALERS

''.... Which, of course, she will not be obliged to
attend/' added Grandpa.

"Hooray!"

"You seem to have arranged everything very
nicdy/' I observed.

** I always do, George. If I left it to you we should
never get anything done."

It was a baseless accusation, but I didn't bother
to refute it by reminding him of who found Alfred —
the originator of all the trouble. He would only
have blustered.

" I suppose/' I conceded at last, " that if mission-
aries and their wives can live there, a few months won't
hurt Molly. Remind me in the morning, dear, to write
a note to your school teacher, and you can take it
with you."

" Won't all the other girls be jealous! " she cried.
" I told some of them I should probably be going out
to Africa in a few weeks time — and they were mad!
Kitty Vincent said I was just boasting — and I wanted
to fight her. . . ."

For nearly five minutes she continued in this vein.

" You seem to have taken everything for granted,
my child," I remarked. "Supposing I had refused?
What then?"

" But, Daddy, I knew you wouldn't! "

Gran'pa arose and stretched himself.

"George," he said, "that child's an atavism — a
throw-back ! She throws back to me. And I'm proud
of it ! Come and give your poor old great-great-grand-
dad a kiss, my dear."

Molly saluted him and told him he wasn't the
teeny-weeniest bit old.

" Perhaps you're right . . ." he mused.

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 147

Then he chuckled to himself and commenced whist-
Ung "Sally in Our Alky." It was followed by "Sweet
Alice Ben Bolt" Finally he burst into i^rodied song :

"Oh, Molly 1 Oh! Molly Barnett . . .

Oh, Molly — ^where e'er did she getT
She's suddenly flown
To regions unknown.

Along with a man and his aeroplane-^^^^/ "

" How's that for a modem version ? Eh, George ? "

" Very true to life ! " I laughed.

" Ah 1 " he cried. " It's good to be so young that
you can feel yourself back with some of those old
songs again. I heard of * Dorothy Dean ' and her
* flying machine ' at the Tivoli Music Hall— over fifty
years ago. . . . And yet ... I wasn't so young even
then. It's a queer business, George I "

He couldn't contain himself that night He played
the piano, sang dead and long- forgotten songs, danced
a " solo " minuet to his own whistled accompaniment,
and even showed us how the old-time "saraband" went.

" That's the first dance I had with your great-great-
grandmother," he told Molly.

Thereupon, he suddenly grew ^lent

Had he loved that dead woman, I wondered? How
much did he miss her, now that he had come to his
second youth again? Was this rejuvenation ever tinc-
tured with regret? Might it not be that the backward
march through life was sometimes a journey of great
loneliness of soul? All the friends of his boyhood,
his youth, and even of his middle-age had died long
ago. In a sense, he was a solitary figure, living in a
world peopled only by his memories of the dead. . . .

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148 THE GLAND STEALERS

I watched him go pensively up to his easy chair
aod drop into it with a deep sigh, and as he did so,
some sixth sense seemed to give him an inkling of
my thoughts.

He looked up at me.

''Memories . . ." he said. "They're strange
things, George. Those little dances. . . . What vis-
ions they recall ! "

" May they be only the pleasant ones," I answered,
inadequately.

"Ah! That's the trouble 1 I wouldn't mind the
others. One can shake them off. It's the pleasant
ones which stick. . . . You feel that so many things
might have been different — ^if only you had known. . . .
The happy moment, the great joy — ^which lasted only
an instant — and ended in nothing. . . ."

He hesitated, as if he had half-turned one of the
hidden pages of his past life and dreaded to read the
message written by a relentless fate.

" There was a minuet," he said, at last " It went
like this."

He rose to his feet again and began softly humming
to himself. With a courtly, old-fashioned grace, he
went through the steps, his eyes half-closed and his
hands extended as if towards some invisible partner.
He was in another world, another time, where the
mad and feverish jazzing of to-day was unknown.
As he turned and pirouetted I almost heard the faint
swish of the crinoline and the murmur of some hidden
and distant orchestra.

For nearly ten minutes he held Molly and myself
silent and entranced, and then he suddenly stopped,
bowed to his dream-partner, — and returned to the
world of grim reality.

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GRANTA DIGS UP AN OLD ROMANCE 149

" Fm an old fool . . /' he said. " Over fifty years
ago. . . . She may be dead by now."

And, as he mused, so the story of romance slowly
unfolded itself. His married life had not been happy.
The oldest sin on earth had been committed. He had
married, not the girl he loved, but the girl whom his
parents in their worldly wisdom had chosen. Money?
Partly — for he was unable to support a wife without
some help from his father. But, mainly, because life
for the young was ordered differently in those days.
One was told to do a thing and, in the end^-one did it

Little boys and girls were brought up on the " to
be seen and not heard" principle, until obedience to
one's elders was in the blood. It was a religion, and
few there were that escaped its stultifying influence.

" I was only twenty," he said. " What could I do? "

And when he was forty-five, and was in England
on business, SHE came — a chance meeting at a big
country ball, a dance, and then the keen, swift birth
of love and that tragic realization of the impossibility
of its fulfilment.

'' I saw her again — three times in all. But there
was my duty to my wife and children in America. I
knew that it was hopeless, and so— I said, 'Good-by/
There were tears, George. Even I . . . cnmipled up
a little. ... I fled back to the States immediately —
I was afraid of myself. ... It was a long time ago,
and yet-— Do you think I'm foolish to hope that she
might . . . still be alive— and still remember?"

"No!" I answered.

** It isn't that I haven't thought of such a possi-
bility before. But I always seemed so old. I couldn't
dispel the feeling that she still had eternal youth on
her side. You see, she was only twenty-one when we

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ISO THE GLAND STEALERS

last met. Even now I can't picture her as any older
than that."

He fell back into the silence of his own thoughts.

"George," he cried at last. "Why shouldn't I?
I'm a comparatively young man again. Supposing I
did find her and could persuade her to join me — ^reju-
venated? . . . Even after all these years I can still
remember where she lived."

*' Good Lord, Gran'pa ! " I couldn't help exclaiming.

" And why not? " he challenged with a sudden look
of defiance in his eyes.

" It's absurd. It isn't even proper. . . ."

''Proper, George? You seem to suggest at times
that I'm not a human being I "

His face was flushed with excitement and he took
huge, deep breaths, which inflated his chest almost
to the point of bursting off his waistcoat buttons. Was
it the spring air, the new glands, or merely old-world
memories that roused him to such ecstasy?

"If you're going to begin resurrecting some anti-
quated love affair," I said, " we shan't get to Africa for
months. Which is it going to be — love or adventure ? "

"J5o^A/" cried Gran'pa.

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CHAPTER X

THB MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS

I HAD been needlessly alarmed at the possibility
of undue delay in leaving for Africa. Gran'pa
undertook the resurrection of his fifty-year-old
love affair in the same whirlwind fashion that had
characterized his conversion to the glandular theory
of youth.

He should have been a detective, for, in less than
a week, he had traced the whereabouts of a little white-
haired old maid of seventy summers. Her name was
Sally Rebecca Froud. In spite of the antiquity of
her Christian names, I liked her from the first. She
had the sweetest and daintiest manners imaginable,
and when Grandpa invited her round to dinner one
evening, I saw at once that he was desperately fond of
her even now.

The meal was one of the most enjoyable I can
remember. She brought to it just that subtle, artistic
atmosphere which would have been imparted by the
presence of a very valuable and exquisite piece of old
Dresden china. All the grace and irreproachable
womanliness of the crinoline period were there, but
without any of its narrow-minded bigotry. She seemed
to personify all the attributes one requires to make a
grandmother tolerable and lovable. Her hands flut-
tered over Molly's fair hair like white moths, and when
she stood on tiptoes to kiss her, it was with the air
of a queen saluting a young goddess. When she moved
there was a faint rustle of hidden silk, and the tender-
151

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152 THE GLAND STEALERS

ness which dwelt in her lips and eyes soothed and
captivated one immediately.

Although Gran'pa had told her the exciting story
of his rejuyenati(m, every now and again I caught her
loc^ng at him as if she were not quite certain of his
identity. It must have been strange for her to see the
twenty-five-years-older-than-herself lover of fifty years
ago sitting there, the very embodiment of a vigorous
man of only forty-five. . . . But, to me, it was
stranger still to think of Grandpa as a lovesick swain.
After a man or wcxnan has reached middle age, it is
absurd for them to delude themselves that they are still
" in love." Affection, tolerance, understanding, sym-
pathy, friendship— any of these lukewarm expressions
may be applicable ; but the hot, consuming fire of youth
seeking youth — ^no I And yet . . . there was Gran'pa,
his eyes shining with passionate devotion, his hsuid
trembling as he passed his loved one the cruet, and his
voice unsteady and caressing when he spoke to her.

" Would you believe it," he said, suddenly turning
to me, '' Sally hasn't a single unsound tooth in
her head I"

" Sally " blushed as prettily as a maiden of sixteen
— and I mumbled something intended to express amaze-
ment, without laying undue emphasis on her great age.

In these degenerate days of artificial denture and
gold fillings it was an accomplishment of which she
might well be proud. Even immature Molly possessed
a crowned tooth — as the result of an encounter with a
golf ball— and as for Gran'pa himself. . . . Well, he
hadn't (and couldn't have) suffered from toothache for
over thirty years.

" That's the result of care, George," said Gran'pa,
drifting into one of his lecturing moods. "Attend

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 153

to your health when young and you get 3rour reward
witfi compound interest when you're . . . er, that is,
later on in life/' he added, tactfully. " What'll happen
to the modem cake-and-chocolate eating flapper of to-
day when she's seventy or eighty, I should like to
know? . . ."

He continued in this vein for some time, until at
last Sally Rebecca interrupted him by saying that she
thought Molly was adorable — and Molly glanced at
me through the corner of her eyes, closed the nearest,
and then gently kicked me under the table.

" Present company excepted, of course," said
Gran'pa, a trifle embarrassed.

" Ahl " laughed his guest. " You're the same as
ever, Charles."

It sounded very peculiar to find her addressing him
by his Christian name. I had never heard it used
before. To me he had always been *' Gran'pa " — the
synonym for a sort of impersonal unit of the vague
species Ancestor— and not to hear him referred to as
such seemed to bring him down from his lofty pedestal
and make him too human and ordinary. I could no
more picture him as sonebody's ''Charles," or
" Charlie," than I could visualize the King of England
in pajamas. Some things are so homely that they
seem disrespectful. Gran'pa as "Charles" was one
of them.

The visit ended in Gran'pa's seeing Sally Rebecca
home in a taxi — and returning two hours later !

"Well," I asked, "is your lady-love willing to
undergo this rejuvenation treatment? "

" She won't promise, yet."

" Now listen to me, Gran'pa," I said, firmly. " I
like the lady immensely and I admire your taste, but

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154 THE GLAND STEALERS

we can't have this gorilla expedition sidetracked for
the sake of a mere woman. You'll have to insist on a
definite answer by the end of next week, say. Either
she will or she won't; but, whatever her decision, we
must leave for Africa this month. If she agrees, all
the more incentive to your tr)ring to make the expe-
dition a success; if she refuses — ^well, we still owe
a duty to humanity. You've sufficient sense at your
age to know that you can't afford to fritter away your
time on an abortive love-affair with a lady old enough
to be your mother."

"You know what women are, George," he
replied meekly.

" I do. That's why I recommend strong handling."

" She recognizes in me quite sufficient proof that
she can regain her youth. But she thinks that it's
not . . • right."

"Fiddlesticks! If she loves you, her answer is
obvious."

"You must admit, George, that it also requires
some courage," he replied, thoughtfully.

" Of course it does. But love thrives on courage
and self-sacrifice. Put her to the test. Let her
endure it."

He was silent for awhile.

" You think that I ought to insist f " he said, at last.

"Absolutely!"

" Y-e-s ! . . . I suppose I must. . . ."

" The least sign of weakness will be fatal," I con-
tinued. " Unless you're careful, she'll go on wavering
— ^it's so difficult to get people at that age to make a
move. But you can't marry a woman . . . who feds
and looks thirty years older than yourself."

"N— o!"

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 155

'* Then it's agreed that you give her a couple of
weeks in which to make up her mind, and that we leave
for Africa before the month's out in any case? "

*' Yes ! . • . I agree ! " he answered, slowly.

After this, events moved swiftly. At my sugges-
tion, Gran'pa devoted the whole of his energies to
the courting of his beloved, while I busied myself with
the final preparations for our expedition abroad.

There was a great deal to be done. I arranged
with Dr. Croft to accompany us to Gaboon, obtained
a couple of pilots for our aeroplanes, saw to the medical
and surgical equipment, unearthed an interpreter for
the natives, and then set about forming the necessary
nucleus of old men for our Rejuvenation Sanatorium
in the Kalahari.

This last was the most exciting task of all, for we
had to keep Ae matter secret — ^I was so afraid of
Government interference — and yet at the same time
we had to noise our scheme abroad. The daily press
was chosen as the best medium of approach, and the
following advertisement was inserted in seven differ-
ent papers : —

"TO ALL MEN OVER SEVENTY.— A
philanthropist, desirous of carrying out the new
system of rejuvenation wishes to get into touch
with at least one htmdred old men who would be
willing to submit to a grafting of new thyroid
glands. Applicants, who must be reasonably healthy
and in possession of all their faculties, should
communicate with the box number quoted at the
end of this advertisement. They should give full
particulars of their age, ailmeivts (other than old

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156 THE GLAND STEALERS

age)^ and social position; state the reason for desir-
ing to extend their life; and also express their wil-
lingness to defray the average net cost per individual
of the actual treatment only. The glands will be
provided free, and a special ship will also be char-
tered for the passage out to South Africa, where
the operation will be performed by skilled medical
men. A proportion of the applicants will be inter-
viewed and a selection made of those suitable by
a man of 95, who has himself submitted to this
novel treatment and who will afford proof positive
of its extraordinary power to banish dd age/'

It may not have been a particularly alluring an-
nouncement; but it was at least mildly intriguing.
Many papers took up the refrain. Was it a hoax,
asked sane of them? Was it some new confidence
trick? Or was it a genuine attempt to start a reju-
venation cult ? Coming at a time when there were few
divorces or murders, when Parliament was in recess,
and when the labor world was temporarily quiescent,
it proved to be of some journalistic value.

The papers in which we advertised sent down young
and persistent reporters to try and get lurid details
for their insatiable public. But Gran'pa and I were
not to be ** drawn.'' We whetted their curiosity, but
insisted on the privacy of that box number. The
papers in which we did not advertise speculated, and
sneered, and joked, and moralized, each according to its
lights. And slowly the whole thing developed into a
little newspaper boom — and the letters began pouring in.

We got three hundred and seventy applicaticttis for
a new lease of life within the first ten days. Scmie

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 157

of them even came from the inmates of workhouses
and ahnhouses.

An army pensioner of 97 wrote : —

"Dear Sir,

** I should like to try your glands but haven't
enough money to pay for being done. Hoping you
can arrange this for me, I beg to remain,
"Dear Sir,

"Yours fraternally,

" John Sleep.
" P. S. — G>uld you come and see me one morn-
ing. I am healthy except for my feet, which are
eat up with rheumatics so that I cannot get
about much."

"Chuck it aside," said Gran'pa. "This isn't a
new bath salts or mineral waters treatment. We can't
do anything with rheumaticky people."

" Poor devil," I said. " He'll think that poverty Is
the real bar."

"Very well! Write and tell him that it isn't. Say
we're full up, but that he'll be put on the waiting list."

" And leave him hoping — ^in vain ? "

" While there's hope there's life at that age," said
Gran'pa. " It'll give him a new interest in existence.
In a business like this we can't be influenced by senti-
mental considerations."

We had letters from people who wished to reju-
venate their parents or grandparents, from people who
were under 70 (but felt slightly over), and a few from
old ladies. One of these last, a spinster, wished to
remain on earth a few years longer in order to look
after her dogs and to minister to " poor dumb crea-

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158 THE GLAND STEALERS

tures" belonging to others. We even had an application
from a ninety-one-year-old member of the House of
Lords, who was evidently dreaming of his lost great-
ness and hoping that, with youth on his side, he might
be able to stem the tide of the new labor movement and
save Britain from the dogs. His letter was really an
essay on politics, liberally peppered with ** damns/'

"Here's a rigmarole from a lord," I said to
Gran'pa. " He has a mission to perform in the way

of . . :'

" So have I," answered Gran'pa, tersely. " I'm
an American — a republican. These wonderful, compli-
cated and aristocratic titles all leave me cold. Let him
die— or get his own glands."

A little reluctantly, I put the coronetted notepaper
among the rejected and turned to the next application.

" Sir," it began austerely, " If your appeal is
genuine I would have you beware, lest by tampering
with the inscrutable laws of nature, you bring down
on your head the malediction of God. According
to our deserts are we spared to live on this earth,"
and so on. . . .

"According to our deserts!" exclaimed Gran'pa,
when I showed him the document. " What about the
youngsters who were killed in the war? . . . Bum the
damned thing, George ! . . . And listen to this : —

" 'Dear Sir,

" *I'm a man of 8i with the heart and brain of
a youngster. I want to Mve another twenty or
thirty years because. I think that the next two or
three decades will be crammed with more progress
(and excitement!) than the whole of the last cen-

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 159

tury. Having survived the crawling stage, the
human race is beginning to run. By the greatest
misfortune in life, I was bom eighty years too soon.
I can't alter it now, but I can at least mitigate the
blow — ^with your help. If you have the hundredth
place still vacant, will you temporarily reserve it
for me until I have the pleasure of a personal
interview? I am willing to defray the cost of my
own treatment and of any six others you care to
choose as worthy of your philanthropy.
•* Sincerely yours,

"Thomas Finikins."

" If that man isn't an American," cried Gran'pa.
" I'll give a thousand dollars to the first beggar I meet.
We'll include him, George. I like the tone of the
letter, too. It shows a zest in life. Just the thing we
want in these blas^ days."

So Thomas joined the ranks of the chosen !

The applicants were divided into three groups —
the picked men (ninety strong), the reserves (forty-
seven), and the rejected. The first would be the
vanguard of this new army of old men marching on
the Citadels of Youth; the second would form the
nucleus of the army itself, when it drew recruits from
all parts of the world and became a vital fight-
ing force. Meanwhile, we arranged interviews with
the chosen ninety.

The proceedings which followed were, naturally,
treated as strictly private ; and we insisted on a written
pledge of secrecy from each before giving any further
particulars. Three of them would not give this pledge
— and so to these we still remained an enigmatic box
number. But the remaining eighty-seven were pre-

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i6o THE GLAND STEALERS

sented with cards of admission to a small hall in
Battersea which we had hired for the inaugural meeting.

In case of trouble, we took with us Stringer, the
gentle hypnotist, who had completely recovered from
his bout with the gorilla. We also arranged for Dr.
Croft to attend, in order to perform the very necessary
medical examinations. I was to act the part of sides-
man and ticket collector. Gran'pa was to be the lec-
turer and sole exhibit of the new Rejuvenation Qub
(as we had decided to call it).

The fateful day having duly arrived, the four of
us proceeded to the hall and prepared to welcome the
first arrival.

He appeared half-an-hour before time, a tall, thin
man, witfi a peculiar bend, like a huge interrogation
mark, an eye-glass, and a long white moustache which
was partly visible even to those who approached him
from the rear. With a brisk step, he came hurrying up
the deserted road, swinging a cane and puffing vigor-
ously at a great bulldog pipe.

" Retired army man, by the look of him,'* observed
Gran'pa, who was standing with me in the doorway
of the hall.

" That'll be Major Atkinson," I said.

** Of course . • . there was a major."

When he reached us, he produced his card of admis-
sion and inclined himself a little stiffly and self-con-
sciously. Gran'pa extended a hand pleasantly, and said :

^'Welcome, sir! I hope the remainder are as
promising as yourself. As a man of ninety-five,
I may be permitted to compliment you on your youth-
ful appearance."

Tlie major gasped.

"Ninety-five . . . ! You're not . . . ?"

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS i6i

*' Yes ! " answered Grandpa, proudly expanding his
chest. " Vm the living, irrefutable proof of everything
you've been promised."

"Marvellous, sir! . . . Er — . . marvellous!
You're an American, I perceive. A wonderful country
for which I have the greatest admiration and respect
But ... if I express a doubt . . . you will, I h<^,
pardon me. . . .**

" By all means ! Come inside ! "

In the hall we were prepared for the doubting
Thomases. Gran'pa not only had his birth certificate,
but also an imposing array of photographs which would
shatter the most incredulous. There were family por-
traits of himself from fifty years of age and upwards
and, most convincing of all, there was the series of
likenesses taken since the operation — showing the daily
progress of rejuvenation.

" By gad, sir ! " cried the major. " This is a
miracle ! "

" It's certainly very near it," observed Gran'pa,
studying a picture of himself at the decrepit, pre-
rejuvenation age of ninety-two.

** And you feel young? "

Gran'pa caught hold of a couple of seats, arranged
their backs parallel-bar fashion and raised and inverted
himself like an acrobat.

" The devil ! " exclaimed our spectator. " I haven't
done a thing like that for thirty or forty years, sir ! "

" In twelve months' time you'll be jumping five-
barred gates I "

The major, overcome with emotion, sat down and
mopped his brow.

At the same moment, the next arrival appeared.
II

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i62 THE GLAND STEALERS

He was a little protuberant man with white whiskers
and a red face."

" Am I right? " he queried in a thin, small voice.

" I hope so! " answered Gran'pa, cheerfully.

Then they came in droves. I went to the door
to take the tickets and saw a sight which nearly moved
me to instant flight. Clustered round the entrance,
like a great swarm of black beetles, was a coUection of
fifty or more old men, clad apparently in every variety
of clothes they could unearth or discover. There were
fashions which took one back nearly a century, and
some which might have been created only yesterday —
all in dead black or dark navy, except for one bucolic
old roui who wore a light check suit and a gray trilby.

They shuffled and shoved their way to the door
with a sort of blind and obstinate impoliteness, fum-
bling for their tickets, grunting, clearing their throats,
and mumbling to themselves like ill-tempered children.
As they peered up at me and asked numerous and
absurd questions, my irritation increased. They seemed
mildly curious and very intent on pushing one an-
other; but there was no trace of enthusiasm in their
manner, no spontaneity, no zest. It was as if the
whole business was an almost impersonal affair, and
when the full eighty-seven were at last seated I saw
in a flash what the assembly reminded me of.

As I looked at their great, solemn, bewhiskered
faces, their gloomy clothes and their stiff, uncomfort-
able postures it became impossible to shake off the
conviction that this was a gathering of learned scien-
tists about to discuss (but certainly not to participate
in) this new and wonderful discovery of eternal youth.
Also, it might conceivably have been a committee on
divorce law reform, or a company meeting, or a teetotal

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 163

prohibition campaign — but, whatever it was, I could not
bring myself to view these people as the world's first
contingent of volunteers for the army of rejuvenation.

It was the most august body of ancient and un-
romantic*looking people I have ever seen, and, as I
stood scanning their faces and revolting at their work-
ing mouths and fluttering whiskers, a sense of utter
failure and hopelessness seized me. Was this our
material? Was this the clay from which we had to
fashion the grace and beauty of Youth? Was this
the promise of the future? God forbid. ... I

In the midst of these gloomy ^)eculations, Gran'pa
stepped briskly on to the platform and raised an authori-
tative hand. Immediately, there was a great clearing
of throats, a cackle of coughings, and a rumble of
shufiling feet. Then silence.

After a quick bow, Gran'pa placed his lips to the
megaphone, which he had so thoughtfully provided
for the benefit of those who were suffering frc«n the
commonest defect of old age.

His voice was loud enough to reach not only the
deaf, but to rouse even the dead. It was stupendous,
overpowering — appalling.

In a terse and convincing manner, he proceeded
to give full details of his own marvellous case and
to explain that, while he wished to benefit others, he
insisted on recruiting only men of enthusiasm, imagina-
tion, courage, and go. Doubters and laggards were
useless ; but he could promise those who did come to
Africa that they should have the best of everything —
the best food, Uie best care and attention and the best
and most powerful glands — ^those of the male gorilla.

Before embarking, however, all new members of the
club would have to take an oath of secrecy not to divulge

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i64 THE GLAND STEALERS

its objects until they had acttially been accomplished.
Ostensibly, they would be emigrating because they were
" fed up with England, and disgusted with the high rate
of taxation, and alarmed at the spread of Socialism."

He also stated that, instead of slaughtering the
gorillas which were captured, their thyroid glands
would be replaced by similar ones taken from goats.
When the gorillas had recovered from the operation
they would be conveyed back to the jungle and given
their freedom again. That was as near to bumani-
tarianism as one could possibly get. ...

Finally, he introduced me as his great-grandson
(the " brains of the movement ! "), Dr» Croft as the sur-
geon-in-chief, and Stringer as the animal magnetist.

" Gentlemen," he concluded, without any un-
necessary peroration, " I thank you for your patience
and attention."

Loud and prolonged applause — followed by much
coughing.

So ended one of the most momentous speeches
in history.

Descending from the platform. Dr. Croft and
Gran'pa passed into the little anteroom at the back
of the hall, where the medical examination was to be
held, while Stringer and I busied ourselves with person-
ally conducted tours round the photographic exhibits.

We finished this last in about an hour and a half,
but the examination, with its rationed twenty minutes
per candidate, promised to take three or four days at
least. Arrangements were accordingly made for further
appointments at Dr. Croft's surgery and, at 5.30 p.m.,
the assembly dispersed and Gran'pa, Stringer and I
returned home.

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 165

"Any trouble with the sceptics?" asked Gran'pa,
as we sat down to supper.

" Yes ! " said Stringer, to my great surprise,
" There were five or six of them a bit rocky, but I man-
aged to get their eye when I was talking — and put
matters right at once."

" Sort of ... . convinced them .... eh? " chortled
Gran'pa between his munches. *' TJiat old chap with
the let-US-pray whiskers was one of them?"

" Yes ! He was a bit of a handful at first, but came
round in the end, like a little child."

" Good . . . . ! By the way, George, those whiskers'U
never do. They're insanitary and ugly things —
although I once wore them myself. We must get these
people shaved. It'll tone them up and be a good start.
Give them more confidence — ^more freedom. . . . Nice
lettuce, this! I shall miss the garden out in Africa,
George."

When Stringer had retired I thought it was time to
question Gran'pa once more on the progress of his love
suit with Sally. He had neither mentioned her name
nor seen her for a whole week.

"Everything is going beautifully, Gran'pa," I ob-
served. " To-morrow, I'm fixing up about the steamer,
and on Thursday the 'planes are leaving for Libreville.
With luck, we should be able to start by the fifth of
next month at the latest. Apparently, the only thing
still undecided is whether Miss Froud joins us."

"I shall get her answer by the morning's post,"
said Gran'pa, in even tones. It was evident that he was
suffering keenly from the suspense and I admired his
quiet courage. " I shall come with you in any case.
This was made perfectly clear to her. As I told her, if

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i66 THE GLAND STEALERS

she decides to join us she will have the honor of being
the first lady member of the club."

" That was a brain wave I " I exclaimed. ** For an
old woman, I've never met a keener exponent of the
equality of the sexes. She'll come — if it's only to show
that she's as good as any man at being rejuvenated I "

"Do you think so, George?" he asked, nervously.
" It will be a terrible blow if she refuses. I feel as if
I've waited fifty years for this. . . •"

"I shouldn't worry, if I were you! Eversrthing
will come right in the end. Even if she won't accom-
pany us now she will be bound to give way when we
return — ^with our eighty-seven rejuvenated recruits.
Not even a woman could withstand such overwhelming
evidence as that."

" It isn't any question of doubt, George. It's more
a sort of maidenly modesty — almost fear. She's very
sensitive and shy. She thinks, too, that the whole busi-
ness is crude and inartistic — but, as I told her, so is any
operation or medical attention. Women are very
peculiar, George. If they instinctively dislike a thing
it's no use trying to reason with them — they'll only dis-
like it all the more. ... I suggested that female glands
might meet with her approval, and the idea seemed to
pacify her somewhat. But I'm not very hc^ful; and,
even if she does agree, I feel that it will be from a
sense of martsrrdom."

He went to bed in a very pessimistic mood that
night, and when he came down in the morning to an
empty letter-box his grief was touching to see. He ate
practically no breakfast, spoke very little to anyone,
ignored Molly's motherly concern, and looked at least
ten years older than he had the previous day.

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THE MASSING OF THE ANCIENTS 167

" What time arc you going over to Dr. Croft's? "
I asked

" I don't think I shall go until this afternoon."

"But isn't he expecting you? One of us should
be there."

" Will you go, George? " he requested pathetically.

" I can't. , I've that appointment about the steamer."

" Stringer — ^would you mind? '■ he asked.

"NotataU!"

" I don't feel .... very fit, this morning," mur-
mured Gran'pa, apologetically. " I think I Overdid
it yesterday."

" For a man of your age," said Stringer, " I don't
know how you kept going as you did. A day's rest will
do you good."

So Stringer went, and Gran'pa moved restlessly
about the house, like a man on the border of a
nervous breakdown.

"I'm inclined to think that you overtaxed your
strength at that meeting," I said.

" It isn't that. It's this .... terrible suspense.
My God, George, women are the very devil — even when
they are angels!"

" You mustn't worry. Go and see her."

" I pr(xnised that I wouldn't until she wrote."

"It's quite possible that she has missed the first
post. Wait till to-morrow. Meanwhile, come with me
this morning. It'll stop your brooding."

" I don't like leaving home. Suppose she's iU and
sends a wire, or . . . ."

The front door bell rang and I saw Gran'pa go a
shade paler and hold his breath. I, too, had the sense
of something ominous in the air.

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i68 THE GLAND STEALERS

A few seconds later Nanny entered the room
and announced :

"MissFroudI''

There was a dramatic silence ; and then Gran'pa sud*
denly thrust Nanny gently aside, strode out into the hall,
and took his beloved in his arms.

I caught sight of her face through the chink in the
door. It was raised to his, and if ever a man read a
message in a woman's eyes, Gran'pa did at that divine
m(»nent of ecstasy.

" After half a century I " I thought. " America and
England .... Hands across the seal .... Love is
deathless, indeed . . • •!''

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CHAPTER XI

THE GORILLA COUNTRY

SALLY REBECCA having at last surrendered,
Gran'pa became his usual energetic self again,
and in no more than three days after that
touching scene in the hall we were ready to set sail
for Africa.

The name of the ship which we had chartered was
" The Pilgrim Father." This, together with the cargo
of eighty-seven aged optimists, gazing pensively over
the vessel's side as it steamed out of Plymouth Sound,
must have made the watching townspeople imagine that
we were in the moving picture trade. They may even
have thought that, presently, we should commence some
sort of " stunt."

We managed, however, to get nearly half-a-dozen
miles away iroai land before anything exciting
happened.

The trouble commenced in bunk 64, which was
occupied by an ancient and retired stockbroker, known
as William Carton.

On boarding the vessel he had immediately gone
below, suffering from the quaint delusion that the best
preventive of sea-sickness was to commence a voyage
deep in slumber. In this way, he argued, one became
unconsciously acclimatized to the motion, and when one
at last awoke the danger was passed.

It certainly wasn't in this particular case; for he
awoke with a start (possibly from the throes of some
evil nightmare), sprang out of his bunk and came tear-
ing up on deck, dad only in pajamas and nightcap.

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170 THE GLAND STEALERS

" Stop the ship ! " he cried wildly. "Stop it at once !"

Fortunately, Gran'pa was near and was able to deal
with the matter before a panic ensued.

"What's happened now?" he asked, with a mur-
derous look in his eyes.

" I've changed my mind I I want to go back! "

"Don't be absurd!"

William Carton drew himself up to the full extent of
his five- feet- four (or thereabouts).

" Will you kindly put me ashore, sir? "

"Certainly not!" exclaimed Cran'pa. **You've
signed on for this voyage — and you're ccmiing."

" This this "he stormed, . . . ." is abduction

— forcible abduction! "

" Nothing of the sort I You may have changed your
mind, but that's no reason why I should change the
course of this boat. Run back to bed like a sensible
fellow, before you catch cold."

" If you don't stop this infernal ship and turn round
m . . . . jump overboard."

He dashed to the rail and ccmunenced mounting it —
apparently with every intention of fulfilling his threat.

But Cran'pa was too quick for him. He sprang
forward, gripped the little man by the pajama jacket,
and hauled him back to safety again.

"This is mutiny, sir!" cried Cran'pa. **I won't
have such rebellious behavior on board of my ship.
For two pins, I'd clap you in irons I "

" Let me go! .... I'll have you prosecuted! ....
D'you hear that?"

"It — Cleaves — me — cold!" panted Cran'pa, strug-
gling with him. "Ceorge! Civcmeahand!"

I elbowed my way through the surrounding crowd

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 171

of other old men and tried to persuade our excitable
friend that he was making himself very ridiculous.

" Do remember where you are ! " I scdded. " There
are ladies aboard." (I couldn't see them, by the way.)
** You might at least go and get decently dressed before
continuing this discussion."

" I'll give you a thousand pounds to put me back/'
he half sobbed

"I wouldn't do it for twenty! " cried Gran'pa.
''It's a matter of principle. You're a coward, sir I
Paht . . . r

Without further ado, we took hold of him very
firmly by each arm and led him, still struggling and
shouting, down below.

" Now ! " said Gran'pa, when the three of us were
alone. " What the devil do you mean by making this
infernal fuss? You've upset everyone aboard. What
sort of an impression do you think those other old men
will get ? They'll be imagining all manner of unnerving
things. If you don't shut up, I'll .... wring
your neck I"

" You're a . . . . damned great bully ! " whimpered
the rebel, feebly attempting to show some spirit.

** Possibly! But someone has to be master here —
and it's going to be me. Just get that into your thick
skull. When we reach Africa you can go to blazes as
far as I'm concerned. / don't want to force you into
rejuvenation. There are too many others deserving of
it, without wasting our precious glands on a miserable
coward who gets the wind up at the very commence-
ment. Now get out of my sight, before I kick
you out .... I"

As he crept shamefacedly away, I felt a little sorry
for him.

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172 THE GLAND STEALERS

"After all," I said to Gran'pa, "there's some
excuse — at his age."

" Nonsense 1 The man's at least fifteen to twenty
years younger than I am. Either he's beginning to feel
sea-sick, or else he's funking the whole thing. Whatever
it is, we can't have him demoralizing the rest of the old
boys by such insane antics. Some of them were scared
to death. An ill-balanced man like that aboard is a con-
stant menace to the peace. He ought to have brought
his nurse. ... I must get Stringer to have a quiet
little chat with him."

So we put him into Stringer's capable hands — ^with
the astounding result that next day the old man came
and apologized to Gran'pa.

** I.... cr.... suddenly became very homesick "

he explained, sheepishly.

" I thought you were just .... sea-sick/' snapped
Gran'pa. " However, you're all right now? "

" Quite, thank you ! I ask your pardon, Mr. Hadley."

Gran'pa's features relaxed and he extended a hand
of brotherly forgiveness.

" Not another word, laddie ! " he beamed. " I should
have felt just the same at your age , . , ."

It sounded like a father talking to a son — ^but it
looked exactly the opposite.

When the old man had gone, Gran'pa winked at me
and said :

" You'll find that he'll be as good as gold for the rest
of the voyage. A great man is Stringer. . . .He's
like a bromide draught. Hope he has the same effect
on the gorillas. . . . Meanwhile, we might get him to
have a chat with the others. They all look a bit nervy.
It's the change, I expect."

Stringer thus became a sort of institution for sooth-

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 173

ing the worries of the aged. With remarkable tact and
perseverance, he took them in hand one by one, quelled
their naturally quarrelsome dispositions, eliminated
their hc»nesickness, and even comforted them when they
were sea-sick. He was here, there, and everywhere —
far more like a ministering angel than a gorilla hunter
— and I really believe that the old people at last grew
to love him.

It became an interesting speculation as to whether
Stringer hoped to be remembered in scHne of their wills,
or whether he behaved as he did purely from a deep
sense of duty. Gran'pa maintained that he was not as
simple as he looked. On the other hand, Sally Rebecca
thought that he was the noblest man she had ever met —
a confession that made Gran'pa childishly jealous.

The main thing, however, was that the voyage was v
a great success. Once we were well out at sea, no one
quarrelled (except Gran'pa and I) ; no one was seriously
ill ; and no one exhibited any desire to " back out."

We evolved into a brotherhood. There were card
parties, chess and domino matches, smoking concerts,
and even dances. Perhaps the less said about the
dancing the better. The spirit of the old men was cer-
tainly willing, but the fiesh was very weak — and the
partners of the opposite sex were limited to two only,
so the " boys " mostly shuiHed about with one another —
a jerky, g3nrating mass of black clothes, white whiskers,
and shiny, bald heads.

Thus the days passed.

When we at last sighted the northwest coast of
Africa, Captain Morgan — a thin, taciturn individual —
crept out of his shell and began to give us fatherly
advice. It appeared that he knew almost every inch of
the country we intended visiting, and he strongly urged

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174 THE GLAND STEALERS

us to set up the sanatorium for the aged at Windhuk,
and to make the Island of Corisco the headquarters of
the expedition itself.

As the climate there was more healthy and equable
than on the mainland, we changed our plans accordingly
and despatched a wireless to Libreville telling Oakley,
our air chief, to arrange for the 'planes to be taken over
to the island. We also informed the old men that
their rendezvous would now be at Windhuk and not
the Kalahari.

Six days later we received the businesslike reply:

'' Aerodrome and 'planes ready. Corisco." And on
the morning of the third day after this we sighted the
Promised Land

All hands and passengers came on deck and let up
three mighty cheers.

"Hurr^di! .... Hurrah! .... Hurrah!"

Molly was delirious with exitement and Sally
Rebecca, who had only just recovered from a long spell
of sea-sickness, stood beside her, now and then glancing
at Gran'pa's stem, sentinel-like figure standing for'ard
in pensive majesty. Even Stringer showed some
emotion as that little smudge of dark purple rose above
the horizon's edge ; and Dr. Croft behaved like a school-
boy and insisted on going up the rigging.

After lunch, our excitement increased. Someone
had seen a dark speck hovering over the island, and it
was immediately rtunored that one of our 'planes was
coming out to meet us.

Rumor was right. Against the background of the
deep, tropical, blue sky we watched that latest example
of man's mastery over Mother Earth. Defiant of the
mighty tug of gravitation and the rude thrust of the
wind, the great bird came gliding towards our boat, as

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 175

straight and steady as an arrow. We approached one
another with incredible swiftness— at the combined rate
of probably 120 to 150 miles an hour — and, in less than
ten minutes from the time we had first sighted it, the
machine was looping, banking, swooping and curvetting
round us like a thing distraught.

With a deep-throated roar, it would shoot by us on
the starboard, proceed half a mile ahead, sweep grace-
fully round, and then come rushing straight back again
at double speed— only to commence vaulting over us
when within twenty yards of the bows. Up and up it
would go, in a great spluttering spiral. Then silence;
and down again, in playful loops and dives and side-
slips. It did our hearts good to watch it ; but it made
our necks ache abominably. . . .

As I watched the old men, the crew, the captain, the
doctor, the hypnotist, the interpreter, the ladies (Molly
and Sally Rebecca), and Gran'pa, all staring heaven-
wards and entranced, I could not help feeling a justi-
fiable pride in being the person who had found the in-
comparable and indomitable Oakley. It was very
thoughtful and magnanimous of him to give us such a
spectacular welcome. Had we been Gibinet Ministers,
en route to a naval review, we could not have been
treated to a finer display of aerial courtesy and playful-
ness. It gave me great faith, too, in Oaldey's initiative
and daring, and intensified my almost painful eagerness
to start out on our first flight into the African jungle.

For nearly fifteen minutes, Oakley continued gam-
bolling round our ship and then, with a sudden leap
upwards, he passed over us and headed straight for
the island.

An hour later we landed, amidst a great hullabaloo
of native excitement, shook hands with the Rev.

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176 THE GLAND STEALERS

William Watkins, who had come to welcome us ashore,
and thereupon proceeded to his mission station, followed
by the half-dozen hefty negroes who were carrying our
personal belongings.

" Well ! " I said to Oakley. " You got here safely ? "

"So — ^sol Across France and the Mediterranean
it was easy going, but North Africa was the deviL We
were nearly buffeted to pieces— especially about mid-
day. So, towards the latter end of our flight, we went
up only in the mornings and evenings."

" Good 1 You've picked up plenty of useful know-
ledge of the air conditions out here? "

"Yes! I d(Mi't think we're likely to have much
trouble if we start an hour or so before sunrise each day
and come back about sunset."

" What's the aerodrome like ? "

"Exicellent .... considering . . . ."

" No ilbiess among the others? "

" Fitter than ever the/ve been! "

Chatting thus, we came at last to the mission station,
which was a cluster of bamboo buildings, consisting of
three houses for the whites, a church, a storehouse, a
school, several lodging-houses for the children, de-
tached kitchens, and numerous pens for fowl. The
whole was surrounded by a hedge of fragrant lime trees,
and the cocoanut and mango provided plenty of welcome
shade — and fruit!

As a healthy, residential quarter it appeared to be
immensely superior to the average suburban street in
London. There was certainly no picture palace or pub-
lic-house round the comer, and our neighbors hardly
belonged to the worthy and dignified middle class of
England, but in spite of all these drawbacks I liked the
place the moment I saw it. It had an air of complete

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 177

freedom from all the worry and turmoil of a workaday
world; it was restful to tired eyes; and yet it seemed to
hold the promise of untold excitements and adventures.

Molly had already made friends with the missicm-
aries and their wives, and Sally Rebecca with a group of
fat little native children who clustered round her like a
brood of affectionate chickens. It was a pretty picture
and reminded me of a film of royalty " slumming " — ^in
the heart of Africa I So I levelled my Kodak at the
scene, and snapped it.

Afterwards, we inspected the island, found many
beautiful shells on the seashore, watched the fishhawks
and eagles swooping down from the rocks on to their
finny prey below, feasted our eyes on the bright-
feadiered parrots and the squirrels, and threw stones at
the yellow nuts of the palm.

Then we went back to the ship and bade farewell to
its cargo of ancients before they resumed their journey
to Swakc^mund, en route to Windhuk.

'' Next time I see you," I said to one melancholy-
looking victim, ^* I hope it'll be with a pocketful of
good, powerful glands."

" I trust that will be soon," he mumbled. " I've
enjoyed this voyage, but it's nearly been the death
of me."

"Oh, you'll be all right as soon as you reach
Swakopmund. Anyway, good luck until we meet again."

Thus we went about — Gran'pa, Dr. Croft, Stringer
and I — scattering a few words of hope and comfort to
the aged of our race.

And, when they had set out to sea again, we wan-
dered homewards to food and a quiet smoke.

** Oakley and I are going out first thing in the morn-
ing for a trial flight over the Gorilla country," I said to
la

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178 THE GLAND STEALERS

Gran'pa, just before we retired. '^We want to get the
lay o£ the land — and air/'

"That's the spirit, George I No grass growing
under your feet, nowadays, eh? "

" Not a blade ! I'd go to^ght — ^if we cotild per-
suade the sun to reappear."

We wished one another good-night and, after what
seemed only a few hours in bed, I was awakened by a
nudge from Oakley.

" We're late," he said, " You'll have to bustle."

I sprang out of bed, dressed, and accompanied him
to the aerodrome, where in less than another ten minutes
we were sitting in the machine ready for our first flight
into the Great Unknown.

Watkins, a greasy but competent little man belong-
ing to the new profession of air mechanics, swung the
propeller, and the natives held on to the 'planes and tail
tmtil the engine was running full out. Then the htmian
anchor was weighed by the natives simply letting go,
and the machine began to move slowly forward over the
uneven ground.

I had had an idea that we should rise almost imme-
diately, but instead of this the machine seemed to scuttle
through the grass as if its wings were too sti£F for flight,
and it was not until we had nearly reached the end of the
aerodrome that the wheels at last left the earth. Even
then we were apparently in difficulties, for less than fifty
yards away the tops of the cocoanut palms rose above
our heads in a threatening barrier of cUirk green. Could
we clear them, I wondered, my heart thumping
with excitement?

Suddenly, the machine shot upwards, leapt over the
tree tops, dived again on the other side — into what was

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 179

fortunately a glade-like clearing in the wood— and then,
with a shudder, settled into a steady dimb.

As the solid old world sank slowly away from us, I
gave a deep sigh of relief and turned my thoughts to the
splendid panorama which had now sprung into view.
In less than another minute we saw the land beneath us
as it actually was — an island, bounded on every side by
the silver gray of the sea — ^while before us lay the great,
dull green expanse of the African Continent, fringed at
its farthest extremity by the pink to crimson glow of
the dawn.

The keen morning air was exhilarating, and the
grass and foliage sparkled with diamonds of dew.
Never have I seen anything to equal the magnificence of
the scenery on this trial flight of ours in Africa. As we
passed swiftly over the white shell-strewn beach, backed
by its palm groves and native huts and plantations of
com, I experienced a real sense of mastery over Nature.
The world on which we little humans so painfully crawl
and die became something impersonal — ^but, at the same
time, something surprisingly beautiful. And the sea,
as placid as a sheltered, inland pool, had turned into a
huge mirror, where a couple of native craft, which were
making for the mainland, seemed, to be suspended in the
air — so clear was the water, and so still.

Behind us, Corisco, only twelve miles in circum-
ference, was visible as a little self-contained world of
hills and valleys, forests and prairies, cliffs and sandy
beaches, and even a tiny glass-like lake. Dotted along
the shore were the villages, with the smoke from them
curling above the tree tops like trailing blue-gray veils.

To the right and left, lay the shores of the beautiful
Bay of Corisco, converging gradually into the thin.

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i8o THE GLAND STEALERS

silver threads of the River Moondah, which wound its
way backwards into the haze of distant verdure.

It was towards this river that we steered a straight
course. There was no wind and, except for the
vibration of the engines, we traveUed smoothly and
swiftly, at a gradual incline, until, when we at last
reached the mainland, our altimeter registered just
over 600 feet.

As we approached the land the machine banked
steeply and I watched the altimeter-hand creeping
slowly forward— 625 . . . 650 . . . 675 ... up to
1500 feet. Onwards and upwards we raced, while from
beneath the horizon's edge, the sun came up to meet
us with incredible swiftness and glory. The planes
turned to crimson and gold, a new tonic seemed to
be added to the air, and a distant chain of mountains
suddenly glowed with the fire of dawn.

For fully a minute I could only gaze ahead at the
great ball of light. Then I closed my eyes for awhile,
and at last looked below.

The river Moondah had entered a vast mangrove
swamp and showed itself only here and there as a chain
of tiny, disconnected lakes. But 15 to 20 miles away
to the right I caught sight of the mighty mouth of the
Gaboon — ^a miniature sea, nearly as large as the Bay
of Corisco.

I knew that the upper reaches of this estuary con-
stituted the approximate botmdary of the Gorilla
Cotmtry, and a thrill of expectancy ran through me
like cold quicksilver. The salvation of the aged became
a matter of minor importance, and in its place there
grew an almost bloodthirsty lust for conquest. In
spite of our ninety miles an hour the quivering machine
seemed to be dragging like lead. The country below

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY i8i

was slipping away from us far too slowly. I wanted to
fed myself suddenly leap forward like a hound in the
chase. Already, the actual sensation of flight was be-
ginning to lose its spice and the only danger I feared
was that of humdrum safety.

As the sun rose, however, the air became more and
more bumpy and die banks of clouds lying over the
distant Crystal Mountains began to break and scatter.
Oakley evidently anticipated a storm, for he commenced
climbing again, up and up, to 5,000 feet. At this
height it was bitterly cold, but the flying was straight
and steady.

We were now passing over the River Gaboon and
as I looked to the left I saw that there were bearing
down on us from the mountains no less than four dis-
tinct storms— each of which consisted of a huge ckmd,
whence the rain fell in great sheets.

Once more we began climbing, and as one of the
storms passed within a quarter of a mile or so of us,
the machine was shaken with gusts of wind which
seemed to be snatching and tearing at our 'planes like
invisible giant hands. Continually rising and dodging
as we were, it was impossible to escape wholly from
such a turmoil, and twice we passed through the tail
end of a storm. As we did so, big heavy rain-drops
struck the 'planes and wind screen like a cascade
of bullets.

At 8,000 feet we got above a mighty cloud, stretch-
ing as far as one could see, and for nearly twenty
minutes we flew above this great expanse of dazzling
white — ^so glaringly bright that it made one's eyes and
headache.

And then the engine suddenly stopped, the machine
tilted, and a second later we were dropping earthwards

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i82 THE GLAJSTD STEALERS

like a stone. Right into the heart of the great cloud
we sped, where everything grew dark and the rain beat
against the machine in a hurricane of fury. The btunps
were terrific and at times it became impossible to say
whether we were on our heads or our heels. It was
too dark to see, too noisy to think, too exciting evefi
to fear. . . .

We must have been dropping through this black
and tmholy turmoil for nearly three or four minutes
when suddenly it became light again, a great, ragged
opening appeared in the cloud, and the green earth
slid up swiftly to meet us.

In the glare of the sun I saw Oakley making a last
effort to save us; but I knew it was hopeless. I held
my breath, waited for the crash, and then let forth a
loud cry of joy — for with a last and almost human
effort the machine gave a lurch, flattened out and grace-
fully glided to earth. After a spinning, nose-diving and
side-slipping career of over 8,000 feet we had alighted
as gently as if our whole object had been to disturb not
even a blade of grass.

"Well!" I cried to Oakley. "We seem to have
landed all right. But, where? "

He unfastened his belt, alighted, wiped his fore-
head, and said :

" God knows ! It's earth — ^good, solid earth. And
that's all that matters for the moment."

I clambered down on this comforting bit of green
terra fimta and looked heavenwards at the tail end of
the departing cloud in which we had spent that agoniz-
ing eternity of unrest.

" My godfather's trousers I " exclaimed Oakley. " I
dunno how we scraped through ! "

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 183'

'* I don't know how you did I All I could do was
to sit tight and wait for the thud."

" And I waited for the light — ^then shoved the nose
up and trusted to luck. . . .This looks like a sort of
clearing in the middle of a forest."

I made a cursory inspection of the aerodrome which
Mother Nature had so thoughtfully provided for us,
and saw that we were hemmed in on all sides by giant
trees and dense and gloomy foliage. The sunlight fell
on us slantwise, like limelight on a stage — as dramatic
a setting as one could desire for a first landing in a new
country. The earth beneath us was wet, but firm and
even, a spot probably never before trodden by the foot
of man. I felt immensely important — and yet terribly
little the moment I looked upwards at that silent, watch^
ing ring of trees.

I use the word "watching," because I could not
dispel the conviction that tmseen eyes followed our
every movement. Oakley must have felt it, too, for
neither of us spoke. We looked — and, as we did so, we
slipped the revolvers from our belts. The touch of the
cool butt was comforting. It just saved me from panic
and gave me back my manhood. After all, were we not
Lords of Creation, even in this desolate place ? We had
the means of defence, the means of escape, and the
brains to utilize both. I reasoned all this out swiftly,
and gradually the thumping in my chest subsided and
I became calmer. In spite of this my hand shook and
I saw that Oakley had noticed it

" Nerves I " I said to him, " How're yours? "

"Rotten! Fd much rather be up in that hell in
the heavens again!. . . Whafsthatf*'

Behind me, there was a sudden noise as of someone

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i84 THE GLAND STEALERS

breaking twigs and branches — a stealthy and steady
crackle of splitting wood.

We swung round in the direction of the sound and
I saw the underbrush sway and part.

A second later there appeared an immense gorilla
on all fours. The moment he caught sight of us he
stood erect and stared malevolently in our faces — the
most unforgettably ferocious brute it is possible to
imagine.

The trivial encounters with gorillas in England paled
into nothingness compared with this, for the animal
was less than a dozen yards away. Quite six feet in
height, with immense body, grotesquely inflated chest
and huge muscular arms, he stood before us as the
indisputable monarch of the African jungle.

He showed not the least trace of fear, but imme-
diately let forth roar upon roar of defiance and hate.

A cold sweat broke out over my whole body, fol-
lowed by a paralyzing sensation of sickness. AH the
blind brutality of Nature "red in tooth and claw,"
all its vindictiveness, all its strength and cunning, seemed
to be centred in that dreadful cry, which began as
a sharp bark and glided swiftly into a deep roll. It
came up in great gusts of rage from the brute's chest
like the soiuid of distant thunder. Then it shut off
as suddenly as it began.

Oakley and I stood in horrified silence, literally
unable to move, and the beast advanced a few steps —
then stopped to emit that hideous roar — advanced again,
and finally halted at a distance of some half-dozen
yards from us. A crest of short hair on its forehead
Mras twitching rapidly up and down, and its powerful
fangs were bared, and glistening white in the sunshine.
It was a repulsive and thrilling exhibition of stark

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 185

animal brutality, and yet in some strange way it no
longer filled me with fear. The attitude of the beast,
menacing as it was, seemed to be too humanly bluster-
ing, too exaggerated, too " stagey/*

But when it began advancing again, a real panic
seized me, I stepped swiftly back, pointed my revolver
point blank at the animal's huge chest and cried a
warning to Oakley. As my forefinger dosed over the
trigger of the automatic, it seemed to require every
scrap of my strength to exert the necessary pressure.
There was a sharp double crack as Oakley and I fired
almost simultaneously, then two more in quick succes-
sion from my own revolver, and a deep groan which
had something terribly human in it.

The gorilla had fallen face forward on the grass,
where it was twitching convulsively, and a minute later
it was dead.

If ever a man felt like a murderer I did.

"By my godfather's " breathed Oakley,

" that was a thundering near thing. AVhy didn't you
fire before?"

" Why didn't youf " I gasped.

"I couldn't!"

" Neither could I. I had to be driven to it by sheer
desperation and danger. I don't like the look of the
brute; it's too human. Let's get away again, before
its brothers and cousins arrive. We're out here to catch
'em, not kill 'em, and I don't want any more blood on
my hands to-day."

Oakley gave a short, high-strung laugh, and without
further delay crossed over to the machine.

After a quarter of an hour's examination he made
some startling discovery which he tried to explain to
me in the usual technical jargon.

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i86 THE GLAND STEALERS

"What's the cause?" I asked, trying to sound
intelligent.

" Can't think — and, anyway, it's no use puzzling it
out now. I've managed to put it right and so we'd
better get away before another storm comes."

He clambered into the pilot's seat I swung the
propeller, dashed after the slowly moving machine,
ducked and dodged, tried to scramble aboard, failed —
and fell. . . .

When I had collected my senses again and sttmibled
to my feet, the machine was gracefully gliding into the
air. Shouting and waving my arms, I tried to attract
Oakley's attention, but without the least effect. Up
and up went the machine, then it suddenly dipped from
view, and I was alone with that dead and evil-looking
gorilla and the great encircling jungle.

What had happened? Had Oakley crashed, or had
he landed again in the hope that I would follow? Or
was he continuing his flight under the impression that
I was safely aboard? I kept very still, and listened;
but there was not the faintest sound of the engine still
running. The world was terribly and cruelly silent.
Once, I caught the sharp crack of scmie twig, as if
life was moving in the depths of the forest, and I
clutched my revolver and backed into the middle of the
grass arena. I also heard a deep and distant roll of
anger, followed by a series of staccato barks, which I
instantly recognised as the cry of the gorilla.

"Where in heaven's name is Oakley?" clamored
my mind, a little hysterically

A shrill squeal from the tree tops on my right
was the only answer and, as I swung round with raised
revolver, I caught sight of a small brown body dropping
swiftly from branch to branch. The temptaticm to

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THE GORILLA COUNTRY 187

try a sporting shot was great, but reason prevailed and
I lowered my hand. Cartridges were too valuable to
waste on mere monkeys. . • .

For nearly a quarter of an hour, this nerve torture
continued. Everywhere seemed to be hidden and
malignant forms of life, crying warnings to one another,
or hurling threats at me! Then they were suddenly
drowned in the deep and magnificent roar of our aero-
plane as it came gliding over the tree tops again in
search of its lost passenger.

" Hey! " I cried, frantically waving my cap.

The great bird spluttered, abruptly became silent,
circled round twice, and gracefully slid to earth.

''Lord!" I exclaimed; as I ran up to Oakley.
" I thought you'd forgotten me 1 "

" I couldn't look round for the first three or f oiu-
minutes," he said. "Too busy I These trees are a
damned nuisance and the air's like a cauldron."

Without wasting further time in talking, we backed
the machine to one comer of the " aerodrome," started
the engine and, this time, got away with both of us
safely aboard.

An hour later we were back in Corisco telling
Gran'pa of our first encounter with a wild gorilla.

"It's a great pity you had to shoot it, George,"
he said.

" If I hadn't, neither of us would have been here
now ! " I exclaimed, irritably.

" Oh, I'm not complaining. But we shall have to
be careful not to let it occur again. These brutes must
be taken alive — or not at all. I suppose you couldn't
have frightened it away? "

" Yes ! " I breathed. "As easily as you could scare
oflF an elephant with a pop-gun."

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i88 THE GLAND STEALERS

"H'm!. . . . Well, tomorrow we must get to
work on that portable cage. It's no use going out again
until we are properly prepared and can rely on making
a capture. By the way, while you were away Stringer
has been busy hypnotizing half-a-dozen blacks. He said
very little to them; but his gaze seemed to work won-
ders. They behaved like docile children."

''Did they? I wish we'd taken him with us to-
day/' I answered, still incensed at the casual way
Gran'pa had treated our escape. ''He might have put
the ' fluence * on that gorilla and persuaded the brute to
swing the propellor when we were safely aboard. I'm
beginning to think, however, that the only effective
weapon against these gentlemen of the jungle will be
hand grenades."

But I spoke, as so many of us do, without know-
ledge of what the future had in store. I suppose that it
is natural for every pioneer to have his moments of
doubt and anxiety.

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CHAPTER XII

IN THE JUNGLE

OUR trial flight to Gorilla-land and back having
been successfully accomplished, we now began
earnest preparations for the wholesale capture
of its inhabitants.

With his usual businesslike grasp of details, Gran'pa
drew up a list of the most important of our tasks, which
were briefly as follows : —

(a) Construction of three cages (in sections);
transportation to suitable spots in jungle ; erec-
tion; camouflage.

(b) Construction and transportation of two
hangars.

(c) Transportation of two gas cylinders per cage.

(d) Lessons in language and habits of gorilla.

(e) Lessons in rapid binding with ropes, tying
knots, etc.

One would have said that, fired with the great en-
thusiasm we all had for the cause, such tasks as those
outlined above should have taken us only a few weeks
to accomplish. They should. We had no trade union
restrictions, no lack of labor, no shortage of material,
and no fear of overproduction. Free from all these
handicaps so carefully cultivated by the Spirit of Mod-
em Democracy, we ought to have made rapid progress.

But the natives were lazy, and argumentative, and
curious, and superstitious ; the climate was abominably
hot, and wet, and enervating; transportation by aero-
plane through a bumpy and tempestuous medium was
difficult, and dangerous, and very trying to the nerves;

189

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I90 THE GLAND STEALERS

and the general negroid disposition of always putting
off till to-morrow what you shotild do to-day was con-
tagiously demoralizing even to the best of us
( Gran'pa ! ) . All these things, added together, grew into
a sort of huge persuasive influence which insisted that
labor was undignified and crude.

Like a modern epitome of the British working man,
I began reasoning with myself thus: Why should I
slave for others (that is, for eighty-seven doddering old
men on their way to Windhuk and Eternal Youth) ?
Why should I toil my hardest, while a life of dignified
ease was the lot of so many others (that is, of the black
population of Corisco) ? Why should I risk my life, or
rack my brains, or endanger my health ? In short : why
worry? Why hustle? And what was it all for, in the
end ? And who cared ? And, so on . • . .

This frame of mind was apparently common to all
of us. We sometimes caught one another lolling about
in obscure and shady spots; or swimming in the cool
green water of miniature harbors; or even fast asleep
in comers of buildings, which were primarily designed
and set apart for human industry. Naturally, the indi-
vidual who was found in these attitudes of dignified
repose or gentle relaxation was admonished by the
discoverer, but the latter always knew that he was just
as bad himself — ^when a suitable opportunity arose.

The climax came, however, one morning when I had
been working tmusually hard at finishing the last of the
three cages. As I hammered home the final rivet I gave
a great sigh of relief.

" That's thatt '^ I thought, flinging the hammer aside
and strolling out into the tropical sunshine. " Now I'll
pop over to the aerodrome, and see how they're get-
ting on."

Gran'pa, Dr. Croft and Stringer were there (in

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IN THE JUNGLE 191

charge of one another and some half-dozen natives),
and I was anxious to let them know the result of my
morning's labors. It was intensely hot, and as I strolled
languidly through the mango plantation, I felt a grim
satisfaction in my physical condition of perspir-
ing stickiness.

When I entered the large bamboo building which
constituted our workshop and aero garage I was im-
mediately struck by its air of peace and solitude. The
portable lathe was silent and the benches were lit-
tered with deserted tools, as though everyone had
left hurriedly.

At first, the feverish pictures of a negro revolt,
anarchy, or assassination flashed through my brain;
but presently, it became obvious that nothing was
damaged or taken. The place had been simply left — as
though it was under the spell of a dinner hour, or the
Sabbath. A terrible thought seized me, and hurrying
into the open again I began a search of the immediate
vicinity, in the hope of finding some loitering negro who
could tell me what had happened to the toilers.

Not a soul was in sight. The cotmtryside seemed to
have been suddenly swept dean of all life and move-
ment; but, standing still and listening, I at last heard a
faint and distant sound of cheering. It came tmmistak-
ably from the direction of the seashore. So I moved
forward again, worked my way down a narrow cliff
pathway and thence emerged on to a stretch of yellow
sand. The noise — of much splashing and shouting —
was now on my right, but the cause of the commotion
was hidden by a handful of giant boulders which Nature
had playfully flung down at this spot.

After a ten minute search for footholds, I managed
to climb to the tc^ of the highest boulder ; and suddenly

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192 THE GLAND STEALERS

I saw a scene which nearly made me weep at the futility
of man's endeavor. There had I been working hard all
the morning, and here were Gran'pa, Croft, and Stringer
—naked and unashamed— <areering round a minia-
ture harbor on some crudely fashioned raft-like object
which was driven apparently by a petrol engine.

As the thing drew nearer to me I could see that it
was preceded by a huge curling wave, which was made
by some fiendish contrivance to fling itself over the heads
and bodies of the three mariners. Every now and then,
Grandpa tugged at a piece of rope astern and the whole
craft leapt half out of the water, dived, and then settled
down into a sort of erratic seesaw movement. The diff
tops and beach were dotted with excited negroes, and
each time Gran'pa pulled the rope they broke into loud
cheers and flung themselves about in an ecstasy of
wild abandonment

As I watched, I visualized that terrible business of
Gran'pa and the dug-out at home in England, and I
could see that he was as wilful as ever. To think that I
had been working myself to a shadow in this infernal
tropical heat while he and Croft and Stringer were dis-
porting themselves in this aquatic and hysterical
fashion!

I stood up on the boulder top and waved my arms
and shouted The only answer was a loud and unani-
mous whoop of joy from the negroes, who no
doubt thought that I had joined them as another enthu-
siastic spectator.

Presently, however, the craft turned round and began
heading in my direction. As it did so, two of the crew
were precipitated into the water, where they commenced
behaving like hilarious porpoises. The man still left in
charge of the thing was (naturally) Gran'pa, who con-

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IN THE JUNGLE 193

tinued serenely onwards until he finally ran aground on
a kind of quayside composed of rugged, flat-topped
rocks which jutted out into the sea like a pier.

It was at this point that I went out to meet him —
and tell him exactly what was in my mind.

"Come on, George !*' he shouted "Off with
your clothes I"

The temptation was terrible ; but I had to remember
my dignity.

" Fm ashamed of you ! " I said, gazing at his cool,
sea-drenched body and laughing face.

" What's the matter now ? ''

" I naturally concluded that you were all busy at
work — the same as me. How the blazes do you expect
us to get this job done if you behave in this demoraliz-
ing way?"

"Ah I This is a brain-wave. Drl Croft and I
thought it out this morning and acted on it there
and then."

"' So I can gather, quite easily ! "

Gran'pa turned off the engine and stepped ashore.

" Those damned natives are getting sick of work,"
he said. " This morning they were worse than ever. We
offered 'em more cheap and nasty jewelry. But they've
lost interest in it. Thejr're overloaded with the stuff.
So we cudgelled our brains, and this is the result. At
heart they're little children. What they want is enjoy-
ment, not gimcrack knickknacks. This little exhibition
of aquatic merriment has turned their heads. Look at
them!. . . .The/d give anything for a joy-ride on this.
See the idea? "

"You mean that excursions on this horrible con-
trivance will be their reward for industry? "

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194 THE GLAND STEALERS

" You've hit it first time, my lad. For every day
of good hard, honest toil they'll get fifteen minutes'
excitement round the harbor. And Fll stake my last
farthing that when they know, we shall be simply be-
sieged with applicants for jobs."

I began divesting myself of my unnecessary and
encumbering garments.

" You're a genius I "I said, as I scrambled aboard.
"Letherripl*'

The contrivance on which I managed to secure a
perilous foothold was a rough, heart-shaped raft, with
a long, narrow, rectangular hole cut between the bows.
It was through this hole that the water presently began
shooting upwards and backwards in a deliciously cool
spray. The engine — ^taken from an old petrol launch
which Gran'pa had bought a few days previously at
Libreville — ^was encased in a water-tight covering made
of aeroplane fabric stretched over a metal framework.
Between this and the rudder was a vertical board which
could be alternately lowered into and raised out of the
water, this giving our craft the motion of a greyhound
leaping in the chase. One maintained (or tried to main^
tain) one's balance by standing with the feet well apart
and clutching a couple of the half dozen ropes fastened
at one end to the deck.

Bathed in sunshine and falling water, Gran'pa and I
shot outwards into the little Uue bay, where he began
frisking and seesawing, to the immense enjoyment of
ourselves and the spectators. They lined the beach in
hundreds, and shouted themselves hoarse with glee
(and envy!).

"Like it, George?" cried Gran'pa, as we playfully
leapt half out of the water.

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IN THE JUNGLE 195

" Rather ! Why even I would do a day's work for a
joy-ride like this every afternoon! '*

We slowed down and picked up Croft and Stringer.
But with four of us aboard the thing became top-heavy
and cumbersome. So we made for land.

There, Gran'pa explained to the crowding and ex-
cited negroes the new system of payment for labor ; and,
as a proof of good faith (and an advertisement), he
took our black foreman for a little jaunt round
the harbor.

Ten minutes later the poor fellow came back abso-
lutely delirious with joy.

Thus did we solve the great labor question
in Corisco. . . •

It proved more satisfactory to our employees than
any system of profit-sharing, cooperation, or payment
by result ever devised, and it was certainly cheaper for
the employer. The work was now done so thoroughly
and speedily that in less than another week we were
ready for our first real invasion of the jungle.

We all knew the gorilla language by now — a matter
of some twenty or more sounds — ^were experts at knot-
tying and rope-binding, and could give a very passable
imitation of a live gorilla (when we were suitably clad in
one of the animal's skins and a mask). Our skill in
making a gas attack tmawares was so perfect that we had
even experimented on some of the natives without their
having had the faintest idea of why they had suddenly
fallen asleep. (I should like to give the exact formula
for this specially prepared gas, which we caUed GarUene,
but unforttmately Gran'pa would never divulge the
secret. It was practically odorless and non-poisonous,
and its effect was swift and painless, rendering its victim
unconscious for about 60 to 90 seconds.)

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196 THE GLAND STEALERS

We could also fly an aeroplane or shoot an animal at
lOO yards; and in an emergency we could climb trees
with grace and agility. We had even been taught how
to do interesting and murderous things with knives
and spears. . . .

In addition, we could all of us (including Molly and
Sally Rebecca) carry on more or less intelligent con-
versations with the natives in pigeon-English (with the
occasional help of an excellent Gemian-4nade diction-
ary!). At swimming we were experts and almost
" Uved " our spare time in the water ; with the exception
of Sally Rebecca, who could be persuaded only to paddle.
Even this she first attempted with stockings onl But,
as for Molly, I really believe that she would have de-
veloped fins and web- feet in another six months 1 She
was brown skinned from head to foot, and constant
e^^ercise in the open air and stmshine had already in-
creased her stature by at least an inch. We were the
joUiest party imaginable, and I am certain that all of
us hated the prospect of ever returning to England.

I mention these things to show that, in spite of our
deep sense of duty towards the aged, we still had our
lighter moments of gaiety and abandon.

At last the time came when we were able to make the
actual declaration of war on the gorillas. Our boat,
"The Pilgrim Father," after landing its cargo of
ancients at Swakopmund, had returned and had been
prepared for the reception of our anthropoid guests; the
three cages had been placed in the jungle, some 150 miles
from Corisco (their exact positions being indicated by
small, bright-red, captive balloons) ; a hangar for the
shelter of two aeroplanes had been constructed on a
neighboring plateau; and a week's supply of emergency

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IN THE JUNGLE 197

rations had been conveyed to each of these four points
of attack (and defence). We were ready.

Ninety minutes before dawn on May 15th (the com-
mencement of the six months' dry season) was the ap-
pointed hour to strike.

I don't think any of us slept the previous night. We
arose early, fed ourselves, wheeled out the two aero-
planes, climbed aboard, and wished everyone ''good-
bye* — although we intended returning the same
evening, if possible. I leant over the side and kissed
Molly, and Gran'pa kissed Sally Rebecca (who didn't
look a day older than sixty in the faint light of the early
mom) ; and Stringer and Dr. Croft and the two pilots
waved to the assembled multitude. Immediately after-
wards our propellers were swung and we rose into the
air like two great birds in quest of other and pleas-
anter climes.

As was fitting, the leading 'plane contained Gran'pa,
Stringer and Oakley — Dr. Croft and myself and New-
land (one of our other pilots) followed behind at a
distance of about five hundred feet. We also had our
mascots aboard. Mine was a small teddy bear (2 inches
in height) given me by Molly; Croft's was a human
knuckle tx>ne (previously belonging to some ancient,
mummified Egyptian princess) ; Stringer's was a carved
crocodile's tooth (given him, possibly under hypnotic
influence, by Njambai, the Mbenga chief); Osdde/s
and Newland's were a couple of green wool, miniature
golliwc^; and Gran'pa's was a small photograph of
Sally Rebecca (at the age of 32) — a thing of art and
beauty and sentiment, perhaps, but obviously of very
little value, otherwise.

We flew across the Bay of Corisco at a height of
about 1,500 feet, making straight for the mouth of the

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198 THE GLAND STEALERS

Moondah, which glistened like the head of an arrow
pointing towards the heart of the Gorilla Country. The
air was icy cold, and clear ; but by the time the sun had
risen and we had crossed the Coast Range we found the
way blocked by a long bank of clouds. To save time, we
flew through the gaps, which, as we entered them, be-
came huge caves. By towering cliffs and over deep
chasms we passed — aflight in another world, which was
every bit as solid-looking as the real one lying sunlit and
green-clad beneath.

It was after passing through the last of these cloud
gaps that we saw halfra-dozen miles to our right —
three patches of bright red, standing out like tiny, clear-
cut discs on the olive green expanse of jungle. They
were the balloons which gave us the exact location of our
cages. A little further on, the top of our hangar was
visible as a blob of white in the one comer of a light
green clearing.

Presently, Newland pulled back the throttle and
pushed the joy-stick forward and we descended swiftly
to a height of i,ooo feet. At that point he shut off the
engine ; the deep roar, which we had grown accustomed
to for the last two and a half hours, was changed into the
shrill whine of wind against the struts; the aeroplane
flattened out, and we at last commenced our swift
glide earthwards.

We landed a couple of minutes or so after our
leaders, and immediately began making arrangements
for our journey to the cages.

A dozen negroes from one of the neighboring tribes
had been left in charge of the aerodrome for the last
week, and from these we now chose six as our personal
bodyguard through the jungle. Fine fellows they were
— ^tall, powerfully built, industrious (more or less) and

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IN THE JUNGLE 199

^17 willing and obedient (as becomes the properly
missionarified black). They treated us with idolatrous
respect, chattered excitably of the gorillas they had
heard in the vicinity, and told us that the narrow path-
ways which they had cut to our cages were in com-
plete readiness.

Leaving Oakley and Newland and the remainder of
the negroes at the aerodrome, we soon reached the first
cage, which was about a quarter of a mile away. There
Stringer and I pitched camp for the day, retaining one-
third of the bodyguard for porter work.

"If you have any luck," I said to Gran'pa and Dr.
Croft, " send a messenger along. The first capture will
probably be the most important of all. To-day is a sort
of apprenticeship.''

" Quite right, George I Much depends on our initial
encounter with a free gorilla and whoever scores the
first bull's-eye should hand on the valuable knowledge
he has thereby acquired. . . .So long! "

Stringer and I watched them disappear into the
dense green mass of the encircling jungle, and then
entered our fortress and donned our female gorilla gar-
ments. We saw that our revolvers were loaded and
efficient, slipped them into the " hip pockets " cut in the
rear of the skins, and turned out attention to the " gas-
works." A flexible green tube (artfully disguised as a
trailing tendril !) was affixed to each of the two cylinders
and one nozzle was placed outside and the other inside
the cage. Ropes, handcuffs, and chains were also placed
in readiness.

While we were thus engaged none of us spoke above
the merest whisper, and the negroes themselves moved
as silently as shadows. To a spectator, we should have
presented a strange sight indeed. He would have seen a

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200 THE GLAND STEALERS

smaU, natural clearing in the jungle and a peculiar, leaf-
bedecked arrangement of vertical green bars, behind
which two negroes and (apparently) two gorillas were
working in perfect harmony and peace. He would also
have smelt a strong odor of aniseed (beloved of all
animals), and, so we hoped, a reliable camouflage to
our tell-tale "man-scent." Then he would have seen the
centre portion of the bars slide apart and one of the
gorillas emerge into the open and emit weird cries. At
this point such a spectator would probably have fled
(or fired!). . . .

The interior of the cage was painted a dull black, so
that from the outside everything behind the bars was,
as it were, in deep shadows, the negroes themselves
being almost invisible. (Yesl We had thought of
everything!)

When Stringer stepped out of our shelter and gave
vent to that inhuman call signif3ring " food and plenty,"
I held my breath and listened The air was hot, heavy,
damp and oppressive — an almost tangible medium in
which we were immersed from the throat downwards.
Animal and insect life was silent and deathlike, but from
the moisture-laden, luxurious foliage came the subdued
murmur of at least one form of movement.

Dripl Dripl Dripl

As Stringer cautiously advanced, he carried in his
left hand that sleep-inducing nozzle connected with the
gas cylinder; whilst in his right hand he held a death-
inducing automatic — in case there arose the vital ques-
tion : " My life or yours ? "

At a distance of twenty or thirty feet from the cage
he sat down on his haunches, raised his great anthro-
poid head to heaven, and let forth another and
louder cry.

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IN THE JUNGLE 201

There was no answer, save that eternal and infernal :

Dripl, . . .Dripl. . . .Dripl. . . .

A giant tree shook itself in a slight breeze which
sprang up, and I saw a snake make its way stealthily
across one comer of the clearing and disappear into
the underbrush.

Silence and stillness again.

And then an answering call came from the depths of
the jungle. Like a cry of some triumphant and blood-
thirsty accomplishment, it rose slowly upwards and up-
wards until it reached a paean of ecstacy and abandon-
ment; then it sank into a low gurgle of animal
contentment.

Was it Gran'pa, or Dr. Croft, or another gorilla?

Stringer turned his head and looked at me in a way
which, in spite of his anthropoid appearance, was almost
human. No doubt he was asking himself (and me), the
same question.

I shook my shaggy head and waddled out into the
open. There, I emitted a cry very similar to the cme that
we had just heard :^<

It was answered almost immediately, from two
separate points in succession, and I knew at once that
Gran'pa and Dr. Croft werfe now engaged in the same
occupation as ourselves and that they were notifying us
of the fact.

Presently, we heard and sensed the vague stir of
animal life. Birds alighted on near-by trees ; distant and
hidden twigs and branches cracked; a little curious-
visaged monkey appeared on a tree-top and watched us
alertly; a brilliantly colored parrot shrieked and
whistled. The denizens of the forest were at last
emerging from that temporary retirement occasioned by
the advent of our party from the outside world. With

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202 THE GLAND STEALERS

only a couple of playful-looking gorillas in sight, they
were no doubt feeling ^uite at home again.

When we gave vent to our ardent appeals for the
companionship of our tribe, the sounds of busy life
around us continued with unabated industry — a great
compliment to our power of imitative animal articula-
tion. We, and our cage, and the statuesque negroes in
the two back comers, were definitely part and parcel of
the jungle. We were being accepted by its folk, sheltered
by its encompassing vegetation, and warmed and moist-
ened by its atmosphere. So acclimatized did I feel that I
ventured further out into the open and joined Stringer.

" There doesn't seem to be anything doing yet," I
whispered in civilized, human slang.

" It's a game of patience. We may have to wait
hours or even da)rs. We'll bring a book to read
to-morrow."

" Might frighten them."

" Not if you kept it well out of sight in this long
grass."

"Yes! We could take it in turns. It would

never do for both of us to get absorbed in a yam. One
would have to watch while the other read."

At this point our conversation suddenly ceased. We
had heard the sharp crack of breaking twigs in some
spot immediately behind us.

Turning swiftly but cautiously, we peered at the
dense green tangle of leaves and branches, trying to
make our gaze penetrate into the gloomy interior of
the forest.

With great presence of mind, Stringer also began
making little whimpering and seductives noises at the
back of his throat, like a female gorilla in distress.

The noise stopped and I was conscious — ^with every

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IN THE JUNGLE 203

high-strung nerve in my body! — that we were being
watched. Was it with curiosity, with malicious intent,
or with fear? And by whatf Had the fateful Hour at
last struck ? Were all our plans and preparations for the
previous six months now to be put to the gteat test?
Were we facing victory, or defeat — or death?

As these thoughts sped through my mind I became
aware of a feeling of intense exhilaration. I was eager
to see what stark and naked peril lay behind the shelter
of those harmless trees and bushes. To have advanced
towards the spot with the intention of making closer
investigations would have been foolish. It might
frighten away our unseen watcher, or lead to a sudden
attack which would take us unawares.

So Stringer and I commenced slowly waddling back
to our cage, with gas nozzles and revolvers in readiness
for instant use. As we moved, we made a pretence of
eating the plentiful supply of nuts and white-ribbed
pineapple leaves which we had brought with us. At the
same time we emitted alluring ncMses signif)ring ''food.''
Surely no male gorilla, at any rate, would be able to
resist this joint attraction of food and mates!

We were mistaken, however, for presently we heard
faint and stealthy movements of retreat and a few
moments later our ears were listening to only the con-
stant: Dript. . • .Dripl Drip of the jungle.

"Damn! "I whispered to Stringer.

" Don't worry I " he said. "If it's a gorilla I'll bet its
curiosity will get the better of it presently and it'll return
to anotiber spot. If it is not a gorilla — then we've
lost nothing!"

"True!"

I let forth another call and heard Gran'pa and Dr.

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ao4 THE GLAND STEALERS

Croft give their answering cries as if in moddng de-
rision at our first failure.

" It may go ambling off to their cages," I whispered,
in a spirit of intense rivalry.

** Just as good," answered Stringer.

" It isn't! IVe want to score the first victory."

Again we called to our kinsmen of the forest;
and this time our efforts were rewarded with astonish-
ing success.

Without the least sound or warning, the branches
of the surrounding trees suddenly parted at two places
at once, and there emerged into the op&^ a couple of
huge male gorillas on all fours.

They stopped, stared first at us, and then at one
another.

"Rivals for our hands — by jingo!" whispered
Stringer, with a nervous attempt at humor.

"I hope to goodness they don't fight I " I answered.

For fully a minute they sat there on their haunches,
supporting themselves with their long arms and glaring
at eadi other with hatred, but indecision.

Suddenly the larger one arose and commenced
moving slowly in our direction, using its arms as sort of
crutches. It looked Stringer straight in the face, and
Stringer returned the gaze with all the unwavering
calmness of his magnetic soul !

The other brute also began waddling towards us
and, as it did so, the first turned its head, struck its im-
mense chest with its hands and let forth roar upon roar
of defiance. It bared its teeth, rapidly oscillated its eye-
brows, and assumed the most threatening attitude it
could command.

Its smaller rival hesitated — as well it might — then

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IN THE JUNGLE 205

it looked covetously in my direction and I could see from
the way it eyed me that it was not going to be intimi-
dated in this manner. I adopted an air of axnplete
indifference and went on pretending to eat my pine-
apple leaves. Whether it was the tasty food or me it
wanted I would not be conceited enough to say; but,
anyway, it decided to fight.

With a sharp bark and a roar like thunder the two
gorillas were upon one another in an instant.

The sight was magnificent, but awful. The great,
muscular brutes tore at each other's throats with their
hands (and even their feet) ; they twisted and turned
and contorted themselves; they bit ; they scratched; and
they screamed out their hatred in every key conceivable.
The brutality of two men fighting to the death was a
mere, friendly sparring match compared with this. Tney
fought without conforming to any rules of sport, with-
out mercy, and without respite. Pieces of hairy skin
were torn off by tooth and claw ; arms and legs were
wrenched and twisted to breaking point; heads were
thrust back in an endeavor to get at the throat; and
bodies were lacerated with pieces of brdcen wood as the
two infuriated and interlocked monsters flung them-
selves hither and thither on the earth.

Once, their powerful, wide-open jaws met one
against the other in a hideous clash and something white
and glistening flew out on to the grass. It was a broken
tooth I The strength they were exerting must have been
tremendous — sufficient to crush a man to jelly — ^and yet
neither seemed able to gain any decisive advantage over
the other.

For nearly a couple of minutes we watched with
horror and fascination this deadly combat between two

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206 THE GLAND STEALERS

of the cruellest and most vindictive brutes in the whole
of the animal world. We could do nothing but stare
breathlessly at the scene, and thank God that we were
not actively involved as well.

At last, however, one of us spoke.

" We must stop this," whispered Stringer, hoarsely.
"The/U kill each other."

" What can we do — except shoot ? "

" There's this! '' he answered quietly. " If we

can get near enough."

He held up the nozzle of the gas projector.

" By jove ! " I said. " Of course ! "

I gave the prearranged sign to the two scared
negroes crouching in the cage and they turned (xi the
cocks of the cylinders.

As the gas began sizzling out of the flexible tubes,
we fixed over our nostrils the breathing a{q)aratus con-
nected with the filters which we carried on our backs.

Then we advanced stealthily towards the gyrating
mass of animal fury and played on it.

The miraculous happened. Gradually, the monsters
relinquished their stranglehold. It was as if sudden
exhaustion had seized them. They sat down on their
haunches, like two worn-out old men, panting for
breath, dazed and clearly very surprised.

One of them made a whimpering noise, opened its
mouth in a vain endeavor to escape the suffocating
effects of the gas, passed its arm wearily across its face
as if to wipe something away — and suddenly collapsed.

The other attempted to escape. But its legs and arms
were too weak to propel its great body and a moment
or so later it, too, lay down with a deep grunt
of contentment

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IN THE JUNGLE 207

I shouted to the negroes — shouted at the top of my
voice in modem English:

"Hustle, there!"

They understood.

Without a second's delay they came running out to
us with all the paraphernalia of bondage — tropes, chains,
handcuffs, and sacks.

I gave Stringer my gas projector, asked him to keep
the two brutes quiet while I fetched the ether, and told
the negroes to hold their breath until they had dropped
their burden and retreated again.

For the next five minutes we were four of the busiest
people on earth. We substituted ether for gas, got the
gorillas into a nice pliable condition of utter uncon-
sciousness, handcuffed their hands behind their backs,
tied up their legs in sacks, wound their arms and bodies
round and round with ropes and chains, and then with-
drew to our cage, where we took a cool and refreshing
draught of lime-juice and water.

The perspiration was nmning from us. The gorilla
is an immense brute weighing from two hundred to two
hundred and fifty potmds, and the trussing up of that
amount of dead weight in the damp trqpical heat had
demanded tremendous exertions. Even the great six-
foot negroes lodced exhausted.

" Well I " I said to Stringer, " how's that for the first
morning's bag?"

" Great ! Won't the others be jealous ! "

" Won't they just ! We'll send them word at once."

I despatched the two blacks with our message of vic-
tory, turned to the wire which held our balloon captive,
hauled down the bright red ball to earth, fastened the
Stars and Stripes and the Union Jack beneath it, and let
it up into the air again. This was our simple method of

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2o8 THE GLAND STEALERS

requesting Oakley and Newland to send carriers from
the aerodrome.

"Now," I said, "let's go and inspect the
vanquished I *'

They lay there on the green grass as peaceful as
little children asleep in their cots, and to look at them
lying thus it was difikult to imagine that they were the
same two beings that less than ten minutes previously,
had been locked in deadly combat.

Their coats were of an iron-gray color, due to alter-
nate rings of black and gray on the individual hairs —
which were quite two inches long on the arms. The
skin was blade and naked on the face, the breast and
the pahns of the hands ; the head was covered in short,
reddish brown hair; the eyes were deeply sunken, and
lay beneath overhanging ridges of bone, which gave the
face an expression of scowling savagery; and the wide
mouth was fringed by sharply-cut lips which were drawn
back so as to expose the huge and powerful canines.

In spite of the ferocity of their recent encounter,
they were practically undamaged, excepting for a few
skin wounds and contusions. We anointed several
wounds with carbolic ointment, removed a particle of
broken wood which was embedded in the smaller gor-
illa's thigh, propped the two brutes up against a couple of
tree tnmks, and then stepped back and awaited their
return to consciousness.

Stringer's suitor awoke first. He was in such a posi-
tion that he could see us, but not his rival, and no doubt
his first impression was that he had won the fight — ^but
had naturally been left very bruised and exhausted. He
looked at Stringer and me with what was very nearly an
expression of quiet triumph and he seeitied to invite
our approach.

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IN THE JUNGLE 209

We spoke to him soothingly, trying to convey to his
numbed brain that all danger was over and that pros-
perity (in the shape of food) lay before us all.

He listened intelligently, gave a little grunt of satis-
faction and tried to join us.

The sudden realization that it was impossible to
move any part of himself save his head must have
proved a terrible shodc. We saw him inflate his im-
mense chest to its fullest capacity, strain at his bonds,
and then relax into a condition of panting impotence.

By this time, my own suitor had regained conscious-
ness and was also endeavoring to reach us.

Neither of them showed the least trace of anger or
fear — a remarkable fact when one considers their posi-
tion of helpless bondage Had they seen each other, the
situation would no doubt have developed into another
display of tempestuous fury, but, as it was, they made
no sound other than that of labored breathing. Pos-
sibly, they had experienced this feeling of returning
consciousness and helplessness before, and were con-
vinced that it would presently pass off. It was one of the
symbols of victory.

I put my mouth to Stringer's ear and whispered :

" Let's get nearer and see if they still suffer from
the delusion that we are of the same blood."

Apparently they did; and Stringer actually had the
temerity to reach out a hairy arm and strc^e his gorilla
on the head. The poor brute shut its eyes in mild
contentment.

Could anything have been more pitiably human than
this great monster succumbing to such a kindly caress?
Were not all those stories of the untamable ferocity of
the male gorilla merely due to ignorance and supersti-
tion? Were these animals any more maligmmt and

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210 THE GLAND STEALERS

savage than we should be, had we to face the same daily
perils of life in the jungle?

I recalled Gran'pa's display of murderous intent on
that terrible night when I had tried to coax him from his
dug-out into the warm shelter of a house, and I could see
that external conditions accounted for a great deal, even
in human conduct. How much more so must this have
been the case with animals.

Here were these two poor, misguided brutes, shat-
tered and dazed by recent battle, asking for comfort and
kindness, and when it was administered to them (by the
women of their own species!) they became as little
children. It was a touching sight, and I was so pleased
with Stringer's achievement that I could not refrain
from leaning forward to strc^e my own captive.

But the brute was suspicious (smelling beneath the
aniseed, perhaps, a whiff of that hate-inducing scent of
MAN), and it suddenly showed its ill-temper in a quick
jerk of the head, a dash of white teeth and a guttural
snarl. The fingers of my right hand were saved by less
than an inch and the tenth of a second.

"You would, would you? " I said, completely for-
getting my anthropoid part.

At the sound of my human voice it barked again,
and as it did so, Stringer's gorilla twisted its head rotmd,
saw its rival still in the land of the living, and let up a
terrible, rolling roar of defiance.

Pandemonium broke loose again. The two animals
screamed and barked and roared at one another as if
they were mad— each probably under the impression
that the other was responsible for the ropes and chains
of bondage. They strained and twisted at their shackles
until I began to fear that they would break. I could have
sworn that I heard something snap.

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IN THE JUNGLE 211

And so I had ; for at the opposite side of the clearing
an inunense gorilla was standing, erect and uncertain,
dtxtching in its hands the broken and leafless bough of
a tree.

" Look out ! ** I warned Stringer.

He swung round in the direction I pointed, and for
one awful half-minute there was a dead silence, as the
whole five of us stood watching one another for the first
sign of attack.

Revolvers in hand, Stringer and I came together and
commenced backing towards the cage. But before we
could reach it, the newcomer was after us on all fours —
running along the ground like a bent old man, with
incredible speed and ungainliness.

We didn't wait the hundredth part of a second. Nor,
thank heaven, did we fire. I don't believe we could have
hit the brute had we tried.

We simply turned, rushed pell mell for our shelter,
scrambled inside, slammed the trap doors to, and re-
treated to the farthest comer.

With an ear-splitting roar, the monster flung itself
at the bars, bending them and shaking the whole cage
with the force of its impact.

" Quick ! " I cried. " Turn on that blooming gas ! "

There was no time to bother about gas masks. I
picked up the nearest tube, held my breath, and thrust
the projector right between the hideous brute's
open jaws.

They came together with a horrible crunch, there
was a choking splutter of rage, and a moment later the
poor wretch had followed its predecessors' swift flight
to the realms of sleep. Heaving a deep sigh, I shouted
to Stringer:

" This is our busy day ! "

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212 THE GLAND STEALERS

The next second I saw Stringer, the gorilla, the cage
and the whole jungle spin round, turn a somesault and
begin converging in on me. I thought :

" We're nose-diving. . . .side-slipping. . . .Now for
the crash! Ughl"

I shut my eyes tightly, terrified by the sudden drum-
ming of blood in my ears, and felt all sensation of touch
slipping from my Umbs and body. The sounds of the
outside world grew fewer and fainter, and I heard the
beating of my heart quieten down into a little murmur
of weary contentment.

"This is death!'' I thought, without fear or
excitement.

Then I seemed to leave the falling aerc^lane and
ascend rapidly into space.

I saw the stars winking at me in a pitch black sky
and performing phantasmagoric dances; but presently
these, too, disappeared and I was alone in an infinite
void, without light, or sound, or movement. In some
strange way I still had the power of thought, but every
vestige of sensation had been taken from me.

"Is this life after death?" I asked myself
dispassionately.

My mind struggled with the problem, trying its
utmost to achieve some form of activity. But it had no
eyes, no hands, no limbs, no ears, no nose, no mouth,
with which to accomplish anything. It was steam with-
out the engine, electricity without the motor, energy
without the necessary mechanism for transmitting it
to power, soul without the body.

" Let me die outright ! " I prayed. " Annihilation is
better than this mere mentality afloat in nothing. ..."

A little twinkle of light showed itself in the utter

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IN THE JUNGLE 213

darkness. Then another, and another. And again the
stars came into being.

But, by this time they were receding and I began
dropping back to the dear old earth.

" This is resurrection ! " I thought gladly. " Life —
and Movement t . . . ."

I felt my body returning to me as something warm,
and sensitive, and oh I so human ! Never was home more
welcome to a weary traveller than was this uprush of
sensuous consciousness to my isolated and lonely brain.

As the first sounds of the outside world broke on my
ears again^ I opened my eyes and was surprised to find
myself contemplating the intense blue of a trc^ical sky.

I was lying on the grass, a few yards from our cage,
and when I raised my head I saw Stringer panting and
pufiing over the prostrate form of our latest capture.
Single-handed, he was tr}ring to bind the brute's
arms and legs.

" What's happened? " I cried, sitting up dizzily.

" You got a whiff of that gas, young man, and I had
to drag you out into the open. If you can, give me a
hand before he comes round."

I pulled myself together, got on my hands and feet,
and crawled over to Stringer's side. There, I managed
to render a little help.

" Did you — ^give it a sniff of ether? " I gasped

between by exertions.

"Yes!"

" You must have been pretty quick."

" Never hustled so much in my life . . , . "

"This is absurd," I said. "We can't continue
raking in gorillas at this rate all day. The strain's
too great."

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214 THE GLAND STEALERS

I wiped my perspiring brow and helped to tie the
last knot.

" The other two seem to be very quiet," remarked
Stringer.

We turned and looked at them. They were sitting
just as they had been placed, perfectly still and upright,
and showed clear signs of the deepest interest in our
movements. Naturally, they had never seen anything
like this before and must have been almost hypnotized
with amazement. Once the elements of fear and anger
are eliminated, it is probable that the anthropoid ape is
capable of experiencing emotions very similar to our
own. They can feel pity, affection, astonishment and —
most of all — ^intense curiosity.

Apparently, they did not fear us and were not angry
with us (or even with one another, now) but their curi-
osity must have been treqiendous. Nothing else could
accotmt for their quiet behavior under such circum-
stances. It might be argued that the pressure of. their
bonds would hurt sufficiently to enrage even the most
curious brute, but I think that the pain from the wounds
caused in the fight would, in their opinion, account for
all such discomforts. Their reasoning powers, equal to
those of an eighteen months old child, were too limited
to connect Stringer and myself with most of their
troubles, and no doubt they still looked on us as two
harmless and inoffensive females of their own species.

When our third captive regained consciousness,
however, he must have told them of his suspicions, for I
distinctly heard him give the DANGER calL It was
followed by a guttural sound in a low key — ^an anthro-
poid expression with which I was not familiar. It may
have been equivalent to " Impostors ! " or " Spiteful
Beasts ! " or " Bad Characters ! " Gorillas must meet

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IN THE JUNGLE 215

such animals in their own tribe, and it is probable that
they can express their resentment of the fact to
one another.

It is only himian conceit which makes us think that
character-reading, with the allied arts of backbiting and
slander, are peculiar to our own species. Many of the
so<alled " dtmib *' brutes may be just as proficient as we
are in telling one another exactly what they think of a
third animal. In any case, I am convinced that our last
victim gave us away to the other two.

The noise which they all began making was terrible.
It must have been audible two or three miles away, and
was evidently an exhibition of rage, with the intention
of frightening us away.

"D'you think they're calling for help?'* I asked
Stringer. "If so, we'd better get back into the
cage again."

"I don't like it," he shouted in reply. "Why
haven't those infernal natives returned by now? And
when are those stretcher bearers from the aerodrome
going to arrive?"

I could feel in my bones that something tragic had
happened— or was going to happen — or might happen t
What was it ? Whence would it come ?

I scanned the encircling trees and when my gaze
alighted on the first two gorillas I saw a sight which held
me spellbound. The bushes immediately behind the
smaller of the brutes had suddenly been thrust aside, and
there emerged another of these jungle folk with an up-
lifted hand, bearing a club-shaped piece of wood.

It flashed through my startled brain that this fero-
cious-looking newcomer was about to strike one of our
defenceless captives — an unthinkable crime — ^a piece of

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2i6 THE GLAND STEALERS

animal '' awf ulness " which could not be tolerated by
even the most callous human being.

There was only one way of preventing this sudden
and dastardly attack, and I chose it unhesitatingly.
Raising my automatic, I cried out to Stringer, hooked
my finger round the trigger and pulled*

But I was too late. The strangest thing in the world
had happened. Stringer's hand had shot forth with in*
credible swiftness, struck up my own, and diverted the
bullet into the tree-tops.

" Good Godf " he shouted, " Are you blind, man? "

I peered through the clearing smoke.

" Well, I'm damned 1 " I said.

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CHAPTER XIII

THE GORILLA AT HOME

MY emotions were mixed. I was angry, and yet
at the same time I was very grateful to
Stringer and Providence. No man enjoys
being the victim of a practical joke; neither does he
relish the feeling that only good luck has prevented his
committing homicide.

I thrust my revolver back into my hip pocket, and
strode over to the gentleman with the club.

"Gran'pa!" I said. "You and your confounded
monkey tricks will end in disaster one of these bright
days. Why you couldn't have acquainted us of your
approach is beyond me. You might have known that we
were on the alert — ^ready to shoot at almost anjrthing."

He removed his gorilla mask, mopped his brow and
gave a forced laugh.

" Perhaps it was rather foolish of me," he admitted.
'''But Fd been watching you all from behind that bush
for some minutes, and I couldn't resist a little practical

joke Phew! That was a near thing, George! I

thought my last day had come.''

He looked very shaky (served him right) and we
had to take him over to the cage and give him a sip of
brandy. I also had one, and so did Stringer.

We all felt better after that, and Stringer and I took
off our anthropoid heads and escorted Gran'pa on a tour
of inspection.

The enraged prisoners of war roared at us more
defiantly than ever, nov/ that their suspicions were con-

217

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2i8 THE GLAND STEALERS

firmed Their attempts at escape became prodigious
and their language frightful.

"We got these two birds with one stone, so to
speak/' I shouted.

" Did you, by jove? " he cried.

He looked at them more closely and a shadow of
pain seemed to flit over his features.

" You've knocked them about a lot, George. Was
it necessary?"

''We didn't do it They did it themselves.
Fighting!"

I explained things to him in detail.

" No 'fluence? " he inquired of Stringer.

"No time for it I

" H'm ! Still, we might try a little of it now, to
quieten them. ..."

"Anything to stop this infernal row," agreed
Stringer.

So, once more — ^but this time in the heart of the
African jungle — Stringer brought his great mental
powers to bear on the gorilla.

He stood as near as he dared to the largest and
noisiest of our captives, focussed his compelling gaze on
its wicked little eyes, and made dcmiineering noises in
the back of his throat.

The great brute quavered, fought a brief struggle
for mental mastery, and then began shifting its gaze
hither and thither in a vain endeavor to escape that
burning, penetrating, hyfxiotic glare.

" Keep it up ! " I said. " He's giving way ! "

''Tchahl " cried Stringer.

The poor animal gave a shiver, let up a little whimper
of shame and submission, and suddenly grew resigned
to its fate. At the psychological moment Stringer

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 219

stretched forth a hand, rested it on the monster's head
and pressed downwards. The victory of mind over
matter was compkte.

Five minutes later, the other two had been similarly
pacified But when the stretcher bearers arrived from
the aerodrome the three brutes began to recover their evil
tempers again, and we had great difficulty in placing
them on their portable beds. The negroes were scared
and refused to help us. Finally, however, Gran'pa, and
Stringer and I each took charge of a stretcher and per-
suaded three of the blacks to catch hdd of the oppo-
site ends.

Thus we carried our roaring burdens along the nar-
row jungle pathway which led to the place of
embarkation.

"' They're quietening down again/' said Gran'pa, as
we unloaded. ** Even a gorilla has enough sense to find
out the futility of ncnse. Look! That big one's begin-
ning to sulk. He'll probably maintain that attitude now
and never utter another word. Let's give him some
food, to show our approval."

We tried him with some of the white ribs of the
pineapple leaf (a particular gorilla delicacy), but he
refused. So did the others.

"Well, we can't waste time. They'll soon come
round when they've got over their bad temper and begin

to feel hungry We'd better get them aboard

the 'planes."

Oakley had two on his machine, and Newland had
the third.

It was a strange sight. The poor fellows looked so
old-fashioned, sitting up in their chairs, with their
curious little eyes peering from one side to another and
their heads moving from side to side while the remainder

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220 THE GLAND STEALERS

of their bodies kept perfectly still. One could hardly
believe that they were animals.

** As this is the first consignment/' said Grandpa, ** I
think you'd better pop over in Newland's 'plane, George,
and see them put safely aboard ' The Pilgrim Father.'
You'll also be able to keep an eye on the others. ... I
say, Oakley!"

"Yes?"

" Don't get too far apart on the way back. Mr.
Bamett's coming, as well, to act as an observer for both
of you!"

"Good!"

I clambered aboard (with our gorilla in the middle
seat), the propellers were swung, and oflf we went — ^up-
wards and upwards into the blue sky and the refresh-
ingly cool air.

My excitement was intense. I had not even bothered
to take off my gorilla skin. The head had been removed,
of course, and I had slipped into my great coat and
helmet, but I had not yet rid myself of the feeling that
I was half-man and half-anthropoid ape.

For the first hundred mlles,we flew without anything
unusual happening.

Our own gorilla made neither movement nor sound,
but the rear one on Oakley's machine kept straining at
its bonds, with a stupid, brutish persistency. It was the
huge beast which Stringer had commenced to bind while
I was lying under the evil influence of that gas, and ono^
or twice I couldn't help thinking:

"Is that brute secure? "

When we reached the upper course of the " Moon-
dah " I scribbled a note on a scrap of paper and thrust it
over to Newland.

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 221

''Keep as near as you can to Oakley's 'plane/' 1
had written.

I watched him read it, saw him nod his head, and
felt the machine put on an extra spurt until the two
'planes were flying almost side by side.

Oakley's machine was now about fifty feet to the
right and a little below the level of ours, so that I could
see his passengers quite distinctly. The front one was
quiet and resigned, but the rear one was still viciously
struggling to escape. I was getting anxious, and, had
there been any landing place visible, I should have felt
very much inclined to signal Oakley to make a tem-
porary halt for the purpose of examining the animal's
bonds. The thought of its breaking loose in mid-air
was appalling.

I kept a careful watch on its every movement and
once, when it looked vindictively upwards at our 'plane,
I shook my fist at it threateningly, waved my arms, and
tried in every way I could to distract its attention. But it
was useless. It turned its face away with supreme con-
tempt and merely renewed its efforts with more enthusi-
asm than ever. It wrenched, and twisted, and strained ;
and suddenly something seemed to give way. After that,
it kept very still for a while.

" What's happened? " I thought. " Has it kinked
a muscle, broken a bone, or. . . . ? '^

My mental query was answered by the dramatic ap-
pearance of first one free arm and then another. The
scene was strangely reminiscent of one of those turns at
a music hall, when a man tmdertakes to escape from a
complexity of knotted ropes in so many minutes. It
thrilled me by its cleverness; but it scared me by its
dangerous possibilities.

In an instant I had my revolver out and kept the

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222 THE GLAND STEALERS

brute covered. As long as it remained quiet, it was safe ;
but the moment it got out of that seat it would be a
dead gorilla.

I saw Newland glance round at me and take in the
whole situation. He brought the machine a little closer
to the other and, as he did so, the gorilla grew alarmed,
raised its hands in the air and sought for a hold amidst
the struts.

" My God ! The controls ! " I thought, swiftly. " If
it touches one of those, Oakley's done! "

I took a steady aim, pressed my finger to the trigger
and fired three times in rapid sucession.

But I was too late. The gorilla was hit at the pre-
cise moment that it had grabbed one of the thin wires on
which so much depends when a man is in mid-air.

Down went the great roaring machine — spinning
rotmd and round like a falling leaf in an autumn gale.
For over two thousand feet it must have dropped. And
then, I saw a little brown speck fall out into space. The
machine nose-dived, flattened out, switchbacked, and
gradually began to ascend into the blue heavens again.

"Good old Oakley 1" I thought. "You're a
marvel, man!"

As he came up, so we glided down to meet him, until
at last I could wave my handkerchief as a sign of ap-
proval and welcome.

He answered my signal with a raised arm (and prob-
ably a quiet smile of triumph, had I been able to see it !)
and once more we continued our journey homewards.

We met with no further exciting adventures, and
half-an-hour later we alighted at the Corisco aerodrome
and transferred our cargo from aeroplane to ship.
There, the liberation of the monsters was accomplished

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 223

with cunning simplicity. A large cage, capable of hold-
ing about thirty gorillas, had been erected, together with
a sort of annex, which connected with the former by
means of a sliding door. In this smaller cage we placed
the' first gorilla, loosened his bonds a little (without
actually untying them), and then placed him with his
back to the bars. In this way we were able to remove
his handcuffs from the outside.

He had sufficient intelligence and perseverance to
liberate himself from the remainder of the bonds with-
out our help, and when he had done this we raised the
sliding door, drove him into the larger cage, closed the
door again — and were ready for the next ! Could any-
thing have been simpler or safer ?

Our two captives safely berthed, we wasted no time
in returning to the Gorilla Country, which we again
reached in just over an hour and a half.

I expected to find on our arrival a further consign-
ment of live gorilla. But I was disappointed. The three
red balloons htmg lazily in the still, tropical air ; but none
of them showed the welcome flags of victory.

It appeared that Gran'pa and Stringer had returned
to the jungle immediately after we had left for Corisco
and since then — ^silence had reigned. Not a roar, not a
bark of a gorilla had been heard. The three white men,
with their retinue of blacks, might have been non-
existent for all the signs of life they had shown since
their return to the gloomy depths of the forest.

" WeU," I said to Oakley, " I think FU be getting
along to my cage again."

"Right-ho!"

"We have to start back in four hours' thne,
don't we?"

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224 THE GLAND STEALERS

He looked at his wrist watch. '' Better not leave it
any later than that"
"Bye-bye I"

"So long ! " he answered, lighting a cigarette.
I went along the narrow pathway which led to our
first cage, alone — ^and a little scared (although I wouldn't
have admitted it to myself or anyone else for worlds).
There is something terribly unnerving about the
perpetual, twilight gloom of the great African forests,
unpenetrated by the sun even at mid-day. The trees lean
over and threaten one with their immense bulk of branch
and leaf ; the bushes harbor Gkxl knows what crawling
and prowling peril ; and the swaying tendrils wave their -
arms to and fro like long, sentient things. All vegetable
life seems to be working in unison with the animal life
which creeps behind its dark and sinister shelter. One
is given no respite.

There is always that sense of a Vindictive Some-
thing sneaking behind, or waiting in ambush in front, or
prowling alongside — ^watching for its c^portunity to
spring. The snap of a twig, the sudden flight of a bird,
the scurry of something small and harmless, the sough
of the wind (like a deep breath), the rustle of leaves, the
pad-pad of one's own feet, even the thumping of one's
own heart — all these sotmds are instantly translated into
a sign of some terrible, carnivorous menace. One's sense
of hearing becomes painfully acute — almost raw I
One's nerves become keyed up to the breaking point.
One's feeling of immense loneliness is appalling —
and palpable I

As I hurried along, the conviction grew that I was
no longer Man, the Lord of Creation, but merely a poor
little defenceless creature, fleeing through a land of
hideous, nightmare shapes. Of what use was a sporting

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 225

rifle, or a revolver? I could not aim in the dark. And,
even if I cotdd, there was still the danger of being
taken unawares.

What was that?

Merely, the shrill cry of a parrot. ...

I tried to laugh at my folly, and, as a temporary
diversion, I even tried to picture the wet and glistening
streets converging on Piccadilly Circus — ^that sjrmbol of
a great civilized city where Man was indeed onmipotent.

But the vision would not persist. It became an epi-
tome of vain endeavor. New York, London, Paris, all
those huge capitals — ^what were they? Little blobs of
buildings, which did not cover a millionth part of the
world's wide surface ; mere temporary excrescences on
the immobile face of Mother Earth.

The jtmgle was tmchanging, cynically indifferent to
all but the relentless laws of Nature. It had seen men
like me before, travelling blindly and painfully onwards
to some ephemeral goal, and now and then it smote at us
with its diseases, its lurking animals, its crawling rep-
tiles, and its poisonous vegetation. But still we came.

What did these little serious and eager white men
seek ? It was not food ; nor was it mates — ^as was the
custom of the jungle folk. Who were these men, to-day,
who came over on their great roaring birds and dis-
guised themselves in the skins of their ancestors ? Who
was this solitary unit of humanity stumbling onward in
the gloom ? What did he seek ?

I looked upwards at the great questioning canopy
of green. But I could not answer. My name sounded
too tragically inconsequential; my mission so child-
ishly absurd !

The day before yesterday, men brought the Bible
and medicine to the blacks, and received in exchange
15

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226 THE GLAND STEALERS

their intangible souls. Yesterday, they brought cheap
jewelry and deadly firearms, and took away ivory and
rubber — and human life. To-day, they came with weird
cries and sleep-inducing vapors — and flew away with
live and protesting gorillas. To-morrow ? . . . . Perhaps,
they would remove the jungle itself

It was strange that I, George Bamett, late of His
Britannic Majesty's Civil Service, should become so
psychological. Strange it was that I (who had never
fotmd thought of much consequence in my old profes-
sion) should now utilize my brains so freely. Was it
morbid, or was it natural?. .

I was brought back from the abstract to the real by
the sudden appearance of a gigantic snake lying right in
the centre of my path. It evidently heard my approach,
for it erected its head, slid forward a little, and prepared
to strike.

At the same moment, I fired — and missed.

Not daring to risk another shot, I turned and ran
for my life, the hideous thing coming after me with a
peculiar half-leaping, half-slithering motion.

I ran as I've never run before, with sheer terror
lending a miraculous aid to my flying feet, and when I
saw an elephant track crossing my line of retreat at
right-angles I rounded the comer like the wind.

But it was a vain hope. The serpent, with the age-
long wisdom of its kind, was not to be hoodwinked in
this simple manner. Instead, it cut through the under-
brush and thereby gained a good yard.

On and on I tore — sl man in gorilla's clothing, but
with the heart of a mouse !

I must have covered over a quarter of a mile before
I reached the end of the chase, and it came so suddenly
and swiftly that I thought for one wild moment that
my pursuer had overtaken and struck me. The ground

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 227

gave way beneath my feet, I shot head over heels down a
steep slope, hit a tree trunk, botinded off again, and at
last came to a full stop.

Dazed as I was by the fall, I realized at once what
had happened. I had tumbled ignominiously into one
of the elephant-traps made by the natives of this locality.
It was a hole about eight feet square and nearly a dozen
deep, and, as I looked upwards, I saw the serpent's
head appear over the edge, then its body — and down it
came with a flop.

It is astonishing how quickly the human mind can
work in moments of real danger. In the merest frac-
tion of a second my eyes had taken in the one possible
avenue of escape — a long vertical creeper, dangling the
end of its thick arm within a yard of my head.

With a cry, I leapt into the air, grabbed my hope of
salvation in both hands and hauled myself aloft.

The serpent, too, had erected itself on a coiled base
and was preparing to strike. Its head swayed slowly
to and fro and its evil tongue shot in and out, as if in
grim, sardonic anticipation of its meal.

I wriggled my right hand free, got at my revolver,
took aim, and fired straight into its open mouth.

The sight was terrible — but majestic! The huge
bulk of headless muscle lurched forward, struck blindly
at my legs and collapsed in a writhing mass of impotence.

For fully a minute I hung there, watching the death
throes of my pursuer. Then, when I could hold on no
longer, I jumped clear, landed heavily on my feet and
hands, and commenced scrambling out of that hor-
rible pit.

Safe and sound again, I retraced my steps at a
gentle trot.

To the chattering monkeys who swung from branch
to branch above and looked down on me with startled

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228 THE GLAND STEALERS

curiosity, I must have presented a strange sight My
gorilla skin was tattered and torn, my face and hands
were scratched and bleeding, my hair was in wild dis-
order. A fine caricature of a man who had known the
joys of white spats and carefully creased trousers and a
well cut coat, and bone-rimmed, circular spectacles !

I must have covered nearly a mile before I realized
what I ought to have guessed long ago. I was lost !

It was not a pleasant discovery, and, the moment I
made it, I stood still and did some very hard thinking.
Now that it was too late, I saw that we should have pre-
pared for such a contingency and marked some of
the trees which flanked our pathway from the aerodrome
to the cages.

I tried to recollect the way I had come, but knew
that any attempt to get back to the open country where
the aerodrome was situated might only lead me stiU
further astray.

" Oh, for a 'plane— or a balloon ! " I thought.

That last mental image saved me ! I sought out a
suitable tree, leapt up at its lowest brandi, caught hold of
it, and raised my bruised and weary body to the first'
step upwards.

I climbed slowly but alertly — and much to the alarm
of a couple of monkeys perched in one of its topmost
branches. They fled chattering along the pale green
surface above.

Half-way up, I cursed my torn and impeding gorilla
skin, discarded it, and resumed the journey in a pair of
" shorts " and a shirt.

Below, everything was dark and gloomy and fore-
boding; but, above, the sun extended thin fingers of gold
amidst the green leaves.

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 229

" If I have to die," I thought, " let it be up here,
where the air is pure and there is light."

For over a hundred feet I continued that ascent to
f reedcHn, and then I stopped and listened to a peculiar
fluttering noise on my left.

I craned my neck and peered through the branches.

The "thing " came into view — a great red ball, be-
neath which there billowed and waved the flags of
America and England!

" Balloon ahoy ! " I shouted, deliriously.

(" And thc/ve caught another gorilla ! " I thought,
subconsciously.)

There was no answer, and after giving still another
futile shout, I began working my way from one tree to
another until I came to the edge of a clearing containing
one of our cages. By crawling out to the extremity of a
huge horizontal branch, I was at last able to look below.

" Hello, therel" I shouted,

I saw the two blacks turn their faces skjrwards and,
tearing oflF my vest, I waved it aloft.

" Hel-lo-<^. . . • I " came a voice which was appar-
ently Gran'pa's.

Without further palaver, I commenced my descent
to terra firma. From bough to bough I dropped in quick
succession, until, when I reached the last, I was only
twenty feet above grotmd level.

Having no desire to drop from this height into a
tangle of underbrush, I worked my way out to the tip of
the branch, hung for a moment on the end of the arch it
so considerately made, and then let go.

I fell on my feet as gracefully as an acrobat.

" By George ! " exclaimed Gran'pa, running up to
me. "It's George!"

'' What's left of him ! " I breathed.

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230 THE GLAND STEALERS

"What cm earth have you been doing now?"
he asked.

(A nice greeting, but characteristic of Gran'pa !)

" It's a new game," I observed, quietly. " When
you get lost in that damned jungle it may occur to even
you ! I've been up there looldng for the nearest balloon.
Thank God I found it-— even if it did happen to
be yours!"

I told him the tale of my adventures.

" It was very foolish of you to come alone," he
admonished. " And — ^where's your gorilla skin? "

, "Half-way up a tree — such as there's left of it. . . •
You've caught another gorilla, I see."

" Yes! A beauty I How did you get on with the
other three?"

" So — ^so!. . . .One of them brdce loose on the way
back — and I had to shoot it."

"But...."

" For heaven's sake, don't argue! " I said. "If I
hadn't shot the brute. . . . Well, as it was, Oakley very
nearly crashed."

"We do seem to be unlucky, George!" he
complained.

" I think it's just the opposite. Four captures on the
first day is far better than any of us expected. We're
collecting gorillas — ^not monkey-nuts."

" I agree. But Stringer and you should have paid
greater attention to the bindings. There's really no ex-
cuse, George, for slipshod work in a dangerous job like
this. We don't want any blood shed, either our own
or the gorillas. Already, we've lost (me life and it was
apparently by the merest fluke that we didn't lose
two others."

It was disgraceful of him to start lecturing a man

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 231

who had just been through what I had. Besides, he was
no paragon himself.

" What about yourself and your silly monkey trick
this morning ? " I retorted. " You nearly lost your life !
If ever a man had a beam in his eye "

"Now, now, George! Fm only telling you what
should be obvious to everyone of us. We must exercise
more care. We're getting far too matter-of-fact.
Things have been too easy for us."

I glanced at my bruised and bloodstained legs
and arms.

" rd like you to have ten minutes with that snake
I met. You'd be a much better man for it — if you
were spared ! "

" Don't be so vindictive, George ! It was your own
fault. You shouldn't go wandering about the jimg^e
alone ! You ought to have known better."

'* Oh, rats! " I exclaimed. " I'm fed up with this.
I've had quite enough for one day — ^and I want my tea
I'm going home."

" Go back to the aerodrome by all means, but at
least wait there until the rest of us are ready to return."

I could feel my temper rising rapidly and could also
see that Gran'pa was in one of his calm, sarcastic, irri*
tating moods. It was safer to go, before I rose in my
wrath and smote him.

" Very well ! " I snapped. " Lend me a black to take
me back."

Without another word to me, Gran'pa beckoned to
one of them, told him to escort me to the aerodrome, and
then walked away in the direction of his cage, softly
whistling to himself.

I left immediately, deliberately stifling all desire for
a reconciliation. I would not stand any more of this

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232 THE GLAND STEALERS

rejuvenated old man's impertinence. Damn him and
his collection of doddering ancients! Why should I
endanger my health and vitality as a gland-snatching;
maniac in the middle of a jungle? For two pins I'd
mutiny and return to England

My temper rose. So did my temperature. And
the upshot of it was that my complaint was diagnosed
that evening as malaria.

It was a mild attack, and quinine and Sally Rebecca
soon pulled me through; but it left me weak and de-
pressed for many days. To add to my depression, the
others experienced a spell of very bad luck in the jungle*
The gorillas had apparently "got the wind up," as
Gran'pa said. They not cmly avoided our cages, but
even migrated from the whole of the surrounding coun*
try. Negroes went out reconnoitering, hoping to dis-
cover their line of retreat; the cages were moved by-
aeroplane to spots fifty or sixty miles further inland;
and the hangar was transferred to a new aerodrome. By
these means we managed to capture another eight gor-
illas, making a grand total of eleven (not counting the
one lost in transit) .

Already the first two of the six months dry season
had nearly passed.

"This will never do,'' I said to Gran'pa, who had just
returned from spending the day in Libreville. " Even
if we maintain the same rate of capture we can't collect
more than thirty or forty before the wet season sets in."

I was sitting on the veranda of our bungalow,
overlooking the deep blue Bay of Corisco. It was even-
ing, and from the shore came the sound of negro
merriment.

" You'll be able to join us again next week," said
Gran'pa. " I hope for better luck then . . . ."

" That's very nice of you! "

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 233

*' Besides, we now have half the neighboring tribes
searching for new hunting grounds. These blacks
will do anything for a trip in a 'plane. It gives them a
big social status, you know — ^like a knighthood in
your country."

Molly and Sally Rebecca entered.

" Hello, MoUikins! " greeted Gran'pa. " Been for
a swim? "

'' Rather !" cried Molly. " It was lovely ! "

" The water's like silk to-night," corroborated Sally
Rebecca. ** I do wish I could swim— instead of wading
How are you feeling, George ? "

" Not so bad for a youngster," I said, contrasting
my own jaded condition with that of Gran'pa's fiancee.
(There was no doubt that the active, open-air life and
Gran'pa's system of phsrsical jerks had greatly improved
her health and vitality).

" / think Daddy looks heaps better," asserted Molly,
standing and viewing me with her feet apart.

"So I am, my dear ! Who wouldn't be, with two such
companions as you girls? "

The girl of seventy blushed and the girl of twelve
laughed good-humoredly — ^the old and the modem way
of taking a compliment.

Then Stringer and Dr. Croft entered.

They had just come back from the jungle, and
looked a little jaded and despondent.

"Any luck today?" I asked.

"None!" answered Croft, briefly. "But we've
newsr— of a sort. Old Nchago says that he's discovered
a fresh hunting ground, and has seen, or heard, up-
wards of a dozen male and female gorillas."

" Ah! " exclaimed Gran'pa, with a quick glance at
his beloved. " I'm glad there's a chance of getting a

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234 THE GLAND STEALERS

lady gorilla or two. I was beginning to lose heart ....*'

" They'll take some catching," I said. *' If we could
pursue the ladies, instead of trying to lure them. . . .up
to the gas-works ....*'

" You're quite right, George. Were we merely after
their blood, instead of their glands — ^like the so-called
average sportsman — ^we should have been overstocked
by now ! "

Stringer, who very seldom had any suggestion to
make, joined in. The slump in captives had depressed
him even more than the rest of us.

"I think the mistake," he observed, "was not to
have kept the old men in Corisco. We could then have
shot our gorillas, taken their glands back the same
evening, and finished the whole job within twenty-four
hours. This business of collecting live gorillas and

keeping them for several months " Words failed

him and he made no effort to conceal his disgust.

Gran'pa disagreed, as usual.

" I thought all this out before," he said. " I didn't
feel that the climate here would suit men of seventy
and upwards."

" It seems to have agreed with Miss Froud," grunted
Stringer, rather rudely.

I am thankful to say that Sally Rebecca and Molly
had tactfully left us, no doubt aware that trouble
was brewing.

Gran'pa, who hated criticism, kept calm. He weighed
his words carefully, and uttered them soothingly.

" You must remember," he pointed out, '^ that Miss
Froud is an exception. Not only is she the youngest
and healthiest of these old people but, in addition, she
has naturally been the object of more individual care

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THE GORILLA AT HOME 235

and attention than I could possibly lavish on a party of
eighty-seven old men."

" I admit that," mumbled Stringer, pessimistically.
" But I don't see why the others coulAi't have taken

their chance. We have to— out there in the jungle "

He waved a podgy arm eastwards, in the direction of the
Dark Continent.

" No man recognizes the fact more than I do,"
replied Gran'pa, quickly and warmly. " I needn't have
come at all. None of us need! "

I could see that both Stringer and Gran'pa were
beginning to lose their tempers, and I tried to smooth
matters down.

" All this," I remarked, " doesn't get us any further.
The point is, would it be advisable to bring the old men
to the gorillas, as Stringer suggests, or take the gorillas
to the old men, as we had arranged? "

" We can't have them here," said Gran'pa. " The
delay and trouble would be tremendous. Besides, I will
not be a party to the wholesale slaughter of any animal.
It isn't sport, but murder! You've read of modem
tiger-hunting. Half -naked blacks, armed with sticks,
drive the poor, frightened beasts out of the jimgle as if
they were rabbits. And the big game hunters shoot
them down — again, like rabbits. Pah ! It makes

my blood boil! What chance has the tiger?

They'll start shelling animals next — or machine-
gunning them. . . . No! We must go on doing our best,
and doing it cleanly and humanely. There may be a tem-
porary slump ; but things aren't hopeless. To-morrow,
we'll get on the track of this new colony, or whatever it
is. Come, Stringer, I'm surprised at you!. . . . Don't
look so miserable "

Stringer's expression of Old Bill-like melancholy

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236 THE GLAND STEALERS

slowly vanished, and we began basking in the sunshine
of one of his most fascinating smiles. His bushy eye*
brows and walrus moustache gave up bristling, and
gently subsided; his eyes twinkled; once more did hope
kindle in his breast.

"That's better!'' exclaimed Gran'pa. "Now, if
only we could only hit on some idea for attracting the
females — ^which seem to be about six times as plentiful

as the males — and a htmdred times as shy We

might, for instance, capture one of their babies and use
it as a sort of decoy duck. . . . It's obviously no good
trjring to disguise ourselves as infant gorillas-in-arms.
The real article is what we want. . . .George, we must
get one of their ' puppies ' — something which will howl
for its mummiel If only we can awaken the lady
gorilla's finer feelings — ^her desire to cherish and fondle
the young — she's ours ! What ?....?"

" It sotmds rather a low down trick," I replied.

" Not at all," said Dr. Croft. " It's perfectly legiti-
mate — ^if it works! "

Stringer, who had been looking much brighter and
happier up to this point, again showed signs of
despondency.

"If you do get a baby gorilla," he observed, " it
doesn't follow that any but its own mother will show
afiFection for it."

"Nonsense ! " dogmatized Gran'pa. " The moment
its howl for food or material comfort goes up, it will
awaken a tender response in the breast of every true
feminine gorilla in the jtmgle. You see if I'm not
correct ! "

Four days later, we got our first chance of proving —
or disproving — Gran'pa's new theory.

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CHAPTER XIV

THE CAPTURE OP LITTLE WILLIS

FROM what littie we already knew of the anthro-
poid apes and from what the natives told us, we
soon realized the improbability of discovering a
very young gorilla without its mother. Even then, it
would be necessary to sacrifice life before a capture could
be efiFected.

It tock over two hours to convince Gran'pa of the
likelihood of having to shoot at least one female gorilla.
Fortunately, I was not yet well enough to take part in
the affair, and so the objectionable task fell to the lot of
Stringer and Dr. Croft.

For the first time in the history of our campaign we
sent forth a detachment of our party with the sole aim
of killing — ^like " real sportsmen," as Gran'pa said with
bitter c]micisnL

To our eternal shame, this is what happened

Armed with guns and accompanied by two natives,
Stringer and Croft were walking cautiously and quietly
through the forest when they heard the wail of a young
gorilla — a harsh, half-moaning sotmd, quite unlike any
cry uttered by the adult.

The heavy silence of mid-day was upon the woods,
and the four assassins crept noiselessly towards the spot
where the baby was spasmodically conversing with its
mother and, possibly, its father — ^who would be doubly
dangerous when protecting his wife and offspring.

Croft's heart was beating furiously. Stringer's eye-
brows and moustache ^Ivete "bristling with excitement,
and the two negroes Were showing a very evident desire

137

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238 THE GLAND STEALERS

for flight One can understand the emotions of the
party, for this was their first attempt at big game
stalking.

Presently, through a sheltering screen of branches
and leaves, they had their first vision of what might be
called the domestic side of gorilladom.

A yoimg gorilla was seated on the ground, enjoying
a meal of berries ; whilst a yard or so further away sat
its mother, who was also having Itmch. Stringer says
that it was a pretty and interesting sight. I believe him.

With a quiet courage, born possibly of intense curi-
osity. Stringer, Croft and the two natives lay down on
the earth, hardly daring to breathe, their guns in readi-
ness, determined to wait awhile — ^and watch. . . .

So far, there were no signs of the dread paterfamit-
ias, but before a couple of minutes had passed, the bush
moved and the huge husband waddled forth. He looked
a trifle uneasy, as if sensing some vague, antagonistic
presence, and his wicked and cunning little eyes seemed
to search the surrounding foliage in bloodthirsty antici-
pation of slaughter.

After glancing roimd at him, his wife called her
child, with a low guttural cluck. It ran over to her im-
mediately and flung its arms round her neck, its legs
round her body, and its face against her chest — the very
picture of hiunan infantile shyness !

Apparently, the female gorilla's sensitiveness to
danger would shame the most coy and retiring woman
ever created.

Without waiting for a word of real warning from
her lord and master, she gave vent to a loud scream and
took to instant flight. Meanwhile, the male protector
erected himself to his* full height. He then let up a deep.

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 239

challenging roar of defiance and smote at his chest with
clenched fists, as if beating himself into a fury.

Both Stringer and Croft afterwards stated that, at
this point, the powers of human reason and kindliness
forsook them. They became mere machines behind the
gleaming barrels of the gims — sportsmen, relentlessly
driven into action by the spirit of the chase — or the
spirit of self-defence — or, what you will.

They fired almost simultaneously, and both the adult
gorillas fell mortally wotmded, the baby still clinging to
its mother and crying pitifully. ^'Hoo!. . . .HooL . . /^

Ashamed and trembling, Stringer and Croft waited
in ambush for a few moments, before they prepared to
take the little one from its dead mother.

Still clutching her neck and body, it kept its face
half-buried in her chest; but the moment its enemies
came into the open it turned and screamed at them with
all the inherited savagery of its race •

Then, with extraordinary courage, it suddenly
rushed at one of the natives, bit him in the leg, and
rapidly retreated to a small tree.

A second later, it was sitting aloft, shouting vindic-
tive threats at its aggressors.

A council of war was held. No one showed the least
inclination to try and capture this mere two-year-old
baby boy. Apart from its biting capacity, it was prob-
ably ijiuch stronger than a full grown man — and cer-
tainly twice as nimble.

But in the end, as Gran'pa had so often insisted,
brains will tell. Stringer, who had secretly profited by
his circus experience in the old licm-taming days,
gave a little exhibition in the gentle art of lassooing —
under difficulties.

After an extremely thrilling performance, lasting

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240 THE GLAND STEALERS

over half-an-hour, Little Willie, as he was eventually
called, was brought home, ignominiously and under
great protest, in a sack.

Never have I met such a two-foot bundle of sav-
agery and cunning. Four men could hold him more or
less comfortably; three, uncomfortably; two, with the
utmost difficulty; and, one — I shudder to think what
would have happened. . . .

When he and Gran'pa were first introduced to one
another, Little Willie was sitting peacefully at the end
of his fully extended chain, deeply absorbed in one of
his toe-nails.

" Well, old chap ? " said Gran'pa, aflfably.

No answer.

"Poor little fellow! I expect he's pretty home-
sick, George!"

No doubt Gran'pa's intentions were of the best.
He merely wanted to be friendly and, at the same time,
to examine our little captive more closely. So, after
carefully satisfying himself that there was no risk of
being bitten, Gran'pa approached still nearer, stooped,
and made further remarks signifying comradeship.

Little Willie ignored him for about half a minute.
Then he turned his head slightly, as though measuring
the distance which separated him from this new and
talkative specimen of humanity.

The next moment a hairy foot shot out ; there was a
gorilla scream of revengeful glee, a human yell of
alarm and pain, a sound of scuffling and tearing — and
Little Willie quickly retreated, holding a piece of
trouser-leg in his left foot.

Unsatisfied with Gran'pa's curses and this tangible
emblem of victory (which was now in Little Willie's
mouth), the sprightly gorilla-child next dashed across

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 241

to an amused native, severely bit him in the leg, and then
described a large circle round the stake to which his chain
was fastened.

Apparently, he wanted to make a clean sweep of all
spectators. He accomplished his desire quite easily.
The natives ran for their lives. Gran'pa and I hurriedly
withdrew; and Stringer, who had been coming in our
direction, suddenly stopped — ^and thought better of it.

" Cimning little beast ! " grunted Gran'pa, exploring
his bruised shin through the hole in his trouser leg.

" I told you he was dangerous ! " I said.

" Dangerous, yes ! But you didn't say treacherous I '*

" Is it any worse," I asked, " than our dressing up as
lady gorillas and gassing our innocent admirers? "

" Er put that way, perhaps not. Still, we must

be very careful., . ."

" I always am !" I observed, thinking of the air of in-
difference displayed by Gran'pa when I had once been
chased by a snake in the jtmgle.

" Don't goad me, George ! It was perfectly natural
to try if the little fellow was amenable to ordinary
human kindness?"

Stringer had joined us by now and expressed the
opinion that all gorillas, especially male, were absolutely
untamable and that it was a waste of time to appeal to
their better nature, because they had none.

" We shall see " said Gran'pa mysteriously.

Unfortunately, we didn't; for the next day Little
Willie performed the same gymnastic feat on Oakley.
The only difference was that, instead of procuring a
piece of cloth as a reward, he removed a small portion of
Oakley's flesh.

So much for a newly-captured baby gorilla as a
possible pet.
16

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242 THE GLAND STEALERS

As a decoy, however, Little Willie was much more
promising, and a week or so after his compulsory enlist*
ment in the services of the aged we took him out to his
native jtmgle again.

StaJdng him in the centre of a small clearing in the
forest — as near as possible to the new gorilla haunt
discovered by Nchago-— Croft and I donned our gorilla
garb and retired to the cage.

Instead of sitting in the open and calling for mates,
we intended giving Little Willie the honor of notifying
the females of his race that he was in dire need of help
and comfort.

He did this admirably and almost incessantly, while
several yards away from him lay a circle of half-a-dozen
hidden nozzles ccmnected with the " gas-works."

Exactly what he said was not known to us. He may
have been merely complaining of the great difficulty of
escaping to the shelter of the forest. Or, he may have
been shouting out the names of his friends and relations.

Once or twice, he made that pathetic noise of "Hoof
. . . .Hoot. . . .'' as if pondering on the tenderness of
his years and bemoaning the harshness of life.

Still as death, we sat huddled in our cage, watching
and waiting!

The minutes dragged by into hours. Noon came,
with its strange silence and stifling heat. A long way
off, we heard the bark of a male gorilla. Later, the
scream of a startled female.

As this last sound reached him, Little Willie gave a
loud cry of distress and tugged wildly at his chain. Then
silence again.

I looked at my watch. In two hours' time we should
have to start our flight back to Corisco.

Stealthily and silently. Croft and I partook of food

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 243

and drink. We needed it. So, no doubt^ did poor Little
Willie; but it would have been very unwise to have left
oiu- cage in order to feed him. In the gloomy shelter of
the surroimding bush, we knew not how many pairs of
eyes might even now be watching — how many gorilla
hearts might be on the point of responding to his
plaintive appeals.

Throughout the whole of our African adventures I
think that none had been as trying and nerve-racking as
the present. It was a terrible strain to keep still and
silent when we might have been gambolling in the open,
calling for male companionship.

Every jtmgle sound, too, was magnified by our alert
brains into something of tremendous importance. A
cracking twig or branch immediately betokened the
hesitating steps of some curious gorilla. An unusual
cry or movement on the part of Willie was instantly
interpreted as a sign that he had seen or heard one of
his kinsfolk.

Our disappointments were innumerable, and our
faith in the gorilla's " human " nature was being under-
mined with every passing minute. It was inconceivable
that none of Willie's own people had heard his cries.
Why, then, had they not answered? Were they so
utterly inhuman that no appeal, however pitiful, could
penetrate their selfishness ?

I half expected such depravity of the males, but I
could not bring myself to believe it of the females.
Nchago had told me that he once saw a mother gorilla
tenderly stroking the head of her child as it fed at her
breast. If she could do that, why could she not under-
stand and respond to Little Willie's cries for maternal
comfort ? Were the gorilla's nobler instincts confined
solely to its own children?

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244 THE GLAND STEALERS

At three o'clock in the afternoon I lost hope com-
pletely and grew reddess enough to stretch my arms
and legs.

In sympathy, Croft did likewise.

" Confound these shy and sensitive females. . . . '* he
whispered. " There's only half-an-hour left."

As if he were able to read our thoughts and was very
anxious to help us, Little Willie threw back his head and
gave a great cry of distress — a sort of last whining
appeal to the better nature of his male and female rela-
tions in general.

In the ensuing sil^ce, it seemed as though the whole
jungle was listening — and hesitating. Not a tree
moved ; not a branch ; not a leaf. Coincidental as it must
have been, that childlike wail of anguish was followed
by all nature suddenly becoming inanimate.

Even Croft and I had turned to stone, so expectant
were we, so convinced of the imminence of great events.

Then the tension relaxed.

A neighboring tree stirred, a small, brightly cdored
bird flew by with a startled tweet, twigs began cracking,
and Little Willie ran along on all fours until he was
roughly pulled up by the jerk of his fully-extended
chain. Back again in the opposite direction he scam-
pered, excitedly muttering to himself the while.

There was now no doubt whatever that his quick
eyes had seen something He emitted a long drawn
*' Hoo — 00 — oo!. .. /' repeated it, and finally lost his
self-control in a fit of gibbering ecstasy.

A second later, the reward of all those long hours of
patience was at hand. The bush parted, the hideous face
of an adult gorilla appeared in the opening, a low '' cluck-
duck!" proceeded from its great, projecting muzzle.

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 245

and Little Willie commenced wildly dancing up and
down on his hands and feet.

The newcomer hesitated before advancing into the
open, but I was already convinced by its action, its build
and its voice that it belonged to the female persuasion —
which was exactly what we wanted.

As the brute cautiously waddled into full view I saw
that she was long past her prime. Her hair was grayish,
her back bowed with age, and her gait awkward and
jerky, a veritable grandmother.

My disappointment at this unexpected development
was so keen that I nearly shouttd at her to go away.
From Little Willie's point of view she was tmdoubtedly
a great success, for he put his arms around her at once;
but from our own, and more humanitarian point of
view, she was useless. Only a lunatic would think of
trying to rejuvenate himself with the glands of a grand-
mother gorilla. The thing was ridiculous and, in our
enthusiasm for the cause, wholly unanticipated. What
we required were young, virile gorillas, not doddering
old females.

I glanced at Croft through the corner of my eyes,
forgetting for the moment that any dismay which he
might be feeling would naturally be hidden behind his
gorilla mask.

When I looked round again at Little Willie and his
companion, I was surprised to find that three other
gorillas were now approaching, and — what was still
more exciting — they were youthful and active — and
feminine.

" Aunts ! " I thought. " Or, possibly, sisters. . . •**

Without further speculation as to the precise rela-
tionships involved in this family reunion, I leant care-

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246 THE GLAND STEALERS

fully forward, found the taps of the cylinders, and
turned on the gas.

For nearly half-a-minute Little Willie and his fair
companions continued their affectionate demonstrations.
They examined him, chattered amicably with one an-
other, and showed an intelligent but suspicious interest
in his chain.

Presently, the grandmother of the party heaved a
deep sigh, (Usentangled herself from Willie's embraces
and settled down contentedly for an afternoon nap. At
the same time, her foundling crept over to her, placed
his face against her chest, and sympathetically joined
her in slumber.

The other three ladies looked puzzled and stupefied;
then slightly alarmed. They commenced sauntering
back to the bush, where they probably intended sleeping
off the effect of this strange tired feeling which had
seized them.

We watched them calmly, staking the reputation of
our gas against their waning powers of locomotion.
Their great difficulty was to use their long arms in the
normal way — as a species of crutches — and before they
had gone a couple of yards it was clear that what--
ever else happened, a short recuperative rest was
first essential.

" One . . . .two. . . .three. ..." counted Croft, as
they capitulated. '* Nice little bag of flappers, eh? "

After those six weary hours of silence, I laughed
aloud. It was, indeed, a fitting reward for our exem-
plary patience — ^and wouldn't Gran'pa (and Sally
Rebecca ) be pleased ?

" So that's that ! " I said. " Now let's get into our
gas masks."

We donned our protectors, opened the door of the

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 247

cage, and swaggered forth to truss up the fruits
of victory.

With the grace and skill that comes of long practice,
we first bound and handcuffed the three younger
females. Then we turned to the grandmother.

It was at this point that the usual thing happened —
the unexpected. It seems characteristic of any well*
organized jungle always to spring some surprise on
human intruders.

About half-a-dozen yards to the rear of us, a sudden
roll of thunder burst from the bush. Without attempt-
ing to finish the job we already had on hand, we swiuig
rotmd in the direction of the newcomer, just in time to
see him advance into the.open.

He was extremely angry, as any faithful husband
naturally would be at seeing one (or more) of his
wives lying bound and helpless on the grass ; and he sig-
nified his emotion in the usual theatrical way.

First, he stood erect ; then he smote himself on the
chest, as if he were beating a drum; finally, he broke
into a long roar, which ended in a series of stac-
cato barks.

I saw Croft shiver through his gorilla skin, and
knew that he had a similar vision of me. Except for
our disarming and feminine disguise, we were unpro-
tected. In our haste we had left our revolvers in the
cage. But, thank heavens, we had not turned off the
gas. Therein lay our one hope of victory.

Realizing the importance of pacific measures, I
raised my gas mask for a moment and gave the low
guttural call of the female to its mate. So did Croft.

But the huge brute, which was now hardly a dozen
feet away, was not going to be hoodwinked in this
manner. He may have believed that we were friendly

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248 THE GLAND STEALERS

disposed females of his own race, but apparently he in-
tended demanding an explanation of our conduct. What
had we been doing to the others? Why were they lying
tliere wounded?

He struck himself again — and there we sat, gib-
bering with fear and contrition, in the midst of that
invisible cloud of gas.

**?*?*?" said Croft, softly and seductively.

I tried to echo his sentiments, but couldn't. The
great, terrifying bulk was so near that I could hear its
breath coming out in deep gasps, could see into its cav-
ernous mouth — ^black-lipped, white-fanged and hideous.
My limbs were dead and useless, my throat dry, and my
heart potmding madly at my ribs.

I saw the brute raise his hand to strike, and waited
for the shock with a half-stupefied feeling of
resignation.

But the blow never matured. At the last second of
the eleventh hour, his energy and anger forsodc him.
With a deep groan, he lurched forward, blundered on to
me (as I fell backwards), and sprawled face downwards
on the grass.

As though escaping from the clutches of some
hideous nightmare, I felt the power of movement re-
turning. My arms and legs twitched playfully, the warm
blood coursed through my back again, my hair subsided,
and my mouth instinctively opened to let forth a loud
cry for help.

Croft was at my side instantly, tugging at the dead
weight which lay across my legs. Bruised and shaken,
I wriggled my way back to freedom. Then we staggered
over to the cage, gulped down a brandy, pocketed our
revolvers and returned to the fray.

Ten minutes later, all the gorillas, except Little

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE '249

«

Willie, were safely bound, the gas was turned off and
we were sitting in the cage again, slowly recuperating.
The perspiration was streaming from me, my hands and
knees were trembling, and I felt as weak as a man re-
covering from a severe attack of influenza.

" It — never rains — ^but it pours ! " panted Croft.

" Yes! " I gasped. " Even the perspiration!. • . .
We're imderstaffed. It's too much — for only two
of us."

Having no desire for further capttu'es that after-
noon, we presently fired half-a-dozen revolver shots to
scare off any intending intruders and then let up the
balloons with a string of five Stars and Stripes and
Union Jacks attached, as a signal to the aerodrome.

With a very luke-warm interest, after so much
excitement, we watched the gorillas slowly regain con-
sciousness, and listened sympathetically to the male's
language when he fully awoke to the general state of
affairs. It must have been extremely galling to find him-
self sitting bound, helpless and dazed, after the dramatic
and promising appearance which he had made only a few
minutes previously. But to suffer this indignity in fuU
view of his womenfolk must indeed have been draining
the cup of misery to the dregs.

Whether or not the others were taunting him I do
not know, but after listening to some of their softer and
more ladylike remarks, he broke out into a terrible
paroxysm of fury, glaring in our direction and barking
and roaring at us for quite five minutes with hardly a
pause for breath. Add to this deafening noise the en-
couraging screams of the three young females, the croaks
of the old grandmother, and the harsh yells of Little
Willie as he dashed to and fro, deliberately fanning the
flames of hatred and revenge. The result may be

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250 THE GLAND STEALERS

imagined. Our bruised nerves threatened to give way
under the strain.

"Give 'em a little gas, for the love of glory!"
shouted Croft.

In this way we quietened them down, imtil Gran'pa
arrived from the aerodrome, followed by a single file of
stretcher bearers.

" This is very gratifying, George," he said. 'When
I counted those flags I could hardly believe my eyes. You
get extraordinary luck. Everything you touch seems to
turn to — gorilla 1"

The gas having been cut off, the chorus of hate brdce
loose again.

" We can't have this din," shouted Gran'pa.

" I don't see how you'll get your gorilla without it,"
I cried. "It's those wretched females that keep the old
man going. I believe he'd have enough sense to remain
quiet if he were by himself."

Gran'pa watched them for awhile.

" Yes," he said at last. " You can see that they're
deliberately inciting him to shout us down — evidently
under the impression that if only they scream hard
enough we shall funk it and run. Just like some of our
own women, George. ..."

I was not in the mood for cheap cynicism. All I
wanted was peace, comfort, and Corisco.

" We've very little time to waste," I yelled. "What
are you going to do? "

" Take them as they are," he answered. " Once we
get them separated they may calm down a bit."

Plunging boldly into the midst of the inferno of
noise, we first lifted the three young females on to the
stretchers and despatched them to the aerodrome, with
Croft in charge of the procession.

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 251

Then we turned to the gray-haired grandmother,
who had shouted herself so hoarse that she could now
speak hardly above a whisper.

Gran'pa looked down at her, with a kindly light in
his eyes, as if he understood only too well what it was
to be old and decrepit.

" The really humane thing," he said, during a com-
parative cahn, '' would be to ask her to join the Re-
juvenation Club. But the other members might object.
So we'll let her end her days in peace. She seems a
decent old lady — sl little rugged and repulsive-looking,
judged by our own standards of beauty, but probably
quite a respected member of society in the jungle. . . .
Very interesting, George I Do these old people support
themselves, or are they dependent on their children and
grandchildren, I wonder. ..."

Grandpa's speculative garrulity irritated me. I
still felt far too jumpy to respond to his feeble attempts
at humor.

"Why not spend a few days with her? " I suggested.
"' Dressed up as her eldest daughter, you could obtain
quite an insight into gorilla life.''

" Too risky ! " he laughed. '* The other girls might
be jealous — ^which would only lead to discord."

" On the other hand, you might get an oflfer of mar-
riage from some wealthy yoimg bachelor."

" You flatter me, George ! "

"Not at all! You've just the build and be-
coming appearance. ..."

" Now you're getting merely rude, George. . . .Give
me a hand with papa! "

We lifted the roaring mass of bone and/nuscle on to
the stretcher, tucked him in, so to speak, and then turned
our attention to Little Willie.

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352 THE GLAND STEALERS

It was terrible to see such rage in one so young. He
must have been repeating every oath in the goriUa
vocabulary. He also showed us every tooth in his head,
tore savagely at his chain, and even flung handfuls of
turf at us. But we knew how to deal with these childish
tantrums A novice might have tried smacking him —
and so might one of his own people. Our method was
much safer. A straight six-foot branch, forked at the
one end, is the best device I know for leading baby go-
rillas quietly home.

After about five minutes' active manoeuvring^
Gran'pa managed to place the fork against Little Willie's
neck, the chain being held just slack enough to permit of
sufficient room for breathing purposes.

"Now ! " said Gran'pa, kindly but firmly.

His captive made what was no doubt a fitting reply,
caught hold of the branch in both hands, tried to
bite it, found the feat a gymnastic impossibility, and
ignominiously gave in. Sitting down, he awaited
develq)ments.

** Come along! " requested Gran'pa, tugging at the
chain and stick.

Little Willie was wise. He followed Gran'pa much
in the same playful and affectionate way that a monkey
follows on organ grinder.

When they were twenty yards or so away I loosened
the old lady gorilla's bonds sufficiently to allow her to
escape — after a little necessary ingenuity — and hurried
after Gran'pa.

A couple of hours later we were all safely back
in Corisco.

In one day we had demonstrated beyond question
that not only could baby gorillas communicate with their
own people, but also that the female adults were

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THE CAPTURE OF LITTLE WILLIE 253

creatures capable of exhibiting an astonishing depth of
devotion towards the young. Furthermore, our total
number of live and serviceable gorillas had leapt from
eleven to fifteen — a progress sufficiently noteworthy to
impress Gran'pa with a sense of even my importance.

That same evening, he said:

" We're getting on, George, although it's a much
longer job than I expected when we first came out here.
We must be patient, however. At any moment there
may be a new idea come along which will cause a land-
slide — and we shall capture a whole jungleful of 'em. I
feel much more hopeful now you've joined up again. ••"

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CHAPTER XV

A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE

IN spite of Grandpa's c^timism and my reputed good
luck, we captured only eight more gorillas in the
next two months. Little Willie also escaped by
intelligently pulling up his peg and making a sudden
dash for the jungle — an act of gross ingratitude after
all we had done for him.

To add to our gloomy forebodings of the future, we
lost one of the finest males through illness. I am con-
vinced that its trouble was mental. For nearly a week
it refused to eat, but merely sat brooding over what may
well have been its lost kingship of the jungle — a truly
touching picture of a banished anthropoid Bonaparte.

This suicide by hunger-striking was only one in-
stance of the many psychological complexities with
which we had to contend. The male gorilla is a btmdle
of crude and intense emotions — such as rage, hatred,
egotism, churlishness and depression. Its mind has no
half tones. The emotions which prompt a smile, a hand-
shake, or a tender embrace would be imthinkable. And
yet the brute can hunger strike I

" What I'm afraid of," said Gran'pa, " is that—
monkey-like — ^the others will start imitating, and that
they'll all become passive resisters."

It was a terrible thought, and knowing what a
powerful weapon the himger-strike had been in the
happy, pre-war days of the suffragette, we were
naturally alarmed.

" I'm strongly of the opinion,*' continued Gran'pa,
"that it's time we packed up what we have got —
254

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 255

and went. We shall never capture eighty-seven of
the brutes."

I pointed out to him that, although no actual census
had been taken of the anthropoid apes, a learned profes-
sor had once estimated their numbers as 200,000 chim-
panzees, 200,000 gibbons, 50,000 orangs and 30,000
gorillas — ^the whole population being confined to the
jungle lands of the equatorial zone, which was less than
a fifteenth part of the earth's surface*

"You must admit," I added, "that twenty-two
gorillas out of thirty thousand is rather a poor show."

" Thirty thousand! " he exlaimed, " I should put it
at about thirty dozen, from what we've seen — or haven't
seen — of them!"

" Anyway, eighty-seven into twenty-two won't go."

'* If you knock off sixty-five, it will! " he retaliated.

" It's hard lines on the old chaps you're going to
* knock off.'"

" That's their business. We've done our best. If we
caught the whole lot of the anthropoids in existence —
and such a thing may happen any day if gland-grafting
becomes popular — ^we should still find we hadn't enough
to satisfy everyone. There wouldn't even be sufficient
glands for the septuagenarians in England alone. I be-
lieve that there are about one thousand five hundred
million human beings on the earth, George — ^an absolute
glut of people — and possibly thirty millions of them are
ripe for monkey glands. The demand for the latter, at
any rate, will always be fifty times greater than the
supply. In our case it will be only four times greater.
That's logic, isn't it?"

" Yes," I admitted. " Cold, hard logic for men who
have travelled seven thousand miles for — nothing."

" Nonsense I The voyage will have done them good.

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256 THE GLAND STEALERS

So will the ' physical jerks * they're going through at
present. / don't see what they'll have to com-
plain about."

" You will when you try to explain matters."

Gran'pa was determined, however.

** You leave it to me ! " he boasted.

** I've no intention of doing otherwise."

He contemplated me for awhile.

" So you think we ought to go on — and on — and
on? " he said, at last.

" I certainly think that we should do what we can
until the dry season is over."

Gran'pa thrust his hands into his trouser pockets
and strode up and down the veranda of our bunga-
low. He was a man who always hated the idea of
giving up a task to which he h^d once put his hand, and
I knew that there was some unccmfessed reason behind
this sudden desire to leave G>risco.

I asked him what it was.

"It's simply the realization of defeat,'* he re-
plied evasively.

" I don't believe it, Gran'pa. You're the last man on
earth to realize such a thing — ^still less to admit it."

He said that he was pleased to hear me say so.

" Why not be frank? " I persisted.

" Well — ^it's like this, George I'm worried over

Sally. She is going back "

'' What! " I exclaimed. " Returning to England ? "

"No! Nol I mean receding. All the good

she's got out of the life over here is rapidly being
undone. After all, she's an old woman, George — and I
have the feeling that— we must be quick. At her age,
strange things happen. Something slips— and suddenly

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 257

the wheels slow down. You must have noticed the dif-
ference in her during the last two or three weeks."

I had to admit that she certainly seemed very de-
pressed and listless of late. At the same time, I thought
that it was nothing to be alarmed about.

"I'm not alarmed!'' said Gran'pa. "I'm merely
taking precautions. It may be selfish of me to consider
her before the rest of these old people — ^but it is
natural, George ! "

" Quite so ! Then why not take her to Windhuk and
let us follow later with as many gorillas as we can get
by then?"

" It is not practicable."

" You and Sally could 'plane it, accompanied by the
necessary lady gorilla."

" No ! It is too late in the day to start doing things
by instalments, like that. We must all go together. If
you've any respect for my feelings, George, give in
like a good fellow."

" Very well I " I sighed. " It's your expedition —
not mine. And perhaps you're right "

" You might admit it less grudgingly. ... I don't
want to seem a killjoy. ..."

"Killjoy!" I exclaimed. "You don't think that
I'm fooling with these gorillas for the joy of the thing.
The novelty wore off months ago. It's simply a matter
of patience, followed by hard work if you're lucky, and a
fit of depression if you aren't. What glamour is there in
sitting in a cage, muffled up in a monkey skin, with your
hand on the gas tap— waiting for some fool gorilla to
stray by? h's as bad as being a spider. If only we
could go in for a little genuine hunting. ... a few hippo,

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258 THE GLAND STEALERS

or elephants But no ! We should scare away these

precious apes. Pampered brutes ! "

" You're very bitter, George ! "

" Naturally I am when you suggest that I want to
finish this job because I like it."

"Come now! Even you have your moments of
gayety. There's always some new thrill in the jungle.

That snake, for instance One isn't always sitting

and waiting Still, the point is that you agree with

me in the main. Capturing gorillas is a long and tedious
business. We shall never get enough. Therefore, let us
take what we have before any more of them die."

So at last, after many hardships and adventures, we
came to the beginning of the end.

That same evening we called a board meeting, with
Gran'pa, as managing director, in the chair. Dr. Croft
was in favor of "closing down" immediately; so was
Stringer. The only one who opposed Gran'pa (beside
myself) was Obongi, our native interpreter. His reason
was simple. He didn't want us to go because everyone
on Corisco would miss us I

It is only fair to admit that Gran'pa had a very
strong case. He pointed out that we should never over-
come the initial difficulty caused by the unsociableness
of the male gorilla, who sought food and shelter only in
the company of a few wives and children. Unhand:-
capped, too, by any housing problems, the brute moved
from spot to spot at will, and seemed seldom to visit the
same place twice in succession. It also preferred the
gloomiest, unhealthiest and most inaccessible parts of the
jungle. Taking all these facts into consideration, had we
not been extraordinarily lucky? What other body of
men could have captured over twenty full grown gorillas
in such a short time ?

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 259

"Supposing," said Gran'pa, "that the news was
flashed through to civilization at this moment. How
many people do you think would believe it? I'm con-
vinced that weVe accomplished little short of a miracle.
Let us be grateful, then, and not ruin everything by a
spirit of overreaching greed."

I asked precisely what he intended doing.

" I shall explain matters fully," he replied, easily.
" Then I shall suggest the drawing of lots. There will

be white beans for the gorillas, and red beans for

those who are compelled to end their lives naturally."

As if this were the solution of the simplest problem
imaginable, Gran'pa rose to his feet and announced :

" We'll weigh anchor to-morrow, gentlemen ! Mean-
while, I'll go and see Captain Morgan."

Thus did our sojourn in Corisco draw to its in-
evitable close, and when the dawn came we crept aboard
"The Pilgrim Father" with sorrow in our hearts.
Most of us wanted to go — ^and yet we didn't. Molly was
particularly reluctant to leave.

" I do think it's a shame ! " she said, tearfully.

"Must we go to-day, Charles?" pleaded Sally
Rebecca.

" Alas ! " murmured Gran'pa. " We must, my

dear ! Time is always on the wing. It waits for no

one. And, here, our task is finished "

I leant over the deck rail and gazed pensively at the
white cliffs rising from the blue green sea. Corisco the
Beautiful ! The romance of the happy days which we
had spent there awoke tender memories and we were
filled with the sadness of parting farewells. Obongi
broke down completely, as did many of the other
negroes. Even the missionaries and their wives could
not conceal their grief. Molly had been to them every-

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26o , THE GLAND STEALERS

thing that Gran'pa had prophesied — a ray of light in a
dark world of ignorance and superstition; a link with
"old times;" a glimpse of all they had left behind them
in the countries of the civilized; a spirit of feminine
youthfulness and abandon — such as is only understood
and tolerated by the whites.

" When you come to England/' said Molly to the
Rev. William Watkins, " you'll bring Joey, won't youf*

Joey was her white-haired old " nigger man " — her
particular pet — ^her swimming instructor — her body-
guard — ^her right hand. • . •

" Certainly, I will, if possible," he answered.

**Daddy will pay for his fare to London," she
explained.

I hadn't the heart to protest against this new form of
extravagance at such a moment. In fact, I almost sug-
gested taking Joey with us there and then, and was
greatly surprised that Molly had not thought of
it herself J

" All ashore ! " cried Captain Morgan, breezily.

The handshakings, the embraces and the kisses
ceased; the gangway was drawn up; the engines throb-
bed ; and the good ship swung slowly round and pointed
its bow to the south. From the eastern horizon the sun
suddenly shot its golden arrows of light. At the same
moment our two aeroplanes rose from the centre of the
island and came roaring overhead. All was commotion
and noise. Below deck, we even heard the sharp baric
of a male gorilla and the shrill cry of a female.

The 'planes sped swiftly out to sea, until they were
mere specks ; the land, with its cheering and gesticulating *
crowd of blacks, slipped slowly away; the native craft
contracted into tiny toy boats — now peeping at us from
the tops of white crests of foam, now hiding in the

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 261

trough of the waves. Gradually, we became a Uttle»
isolated community, afloat on the open sea. The terrors
and hardships of the jungle and the queer, half-dream-
like quality of the life we had led on Corisco resolved
themselves into mere memories. Our mental outlook
changed with the physical. We might almost have been
aboard a steamer en route from England to France 1
Romance was dying; the glory of conquest was depart-
ing; adventure was dead. Henceforth, our task would
be merely the commonplace one of spectators. Except
for Sally Rebecca, we should now have to be content
with watching others tread the paths of danger and
excitement. And when that was finished — ^what then?
Would life become ordinary and respectable and safe
again, or would it open into vistas of still greater
accomplishments ?

'' You look miserable, George !" said Gran'pa, break-
ing into my thoughts.

'^ I am I I'm loath to leave. It is as if Fate has
written 'Finis* and only blank pages are left in the
Book of Life '*

" Nonsense ! This is merely the * Introduction.' "

" It's all very well for you," I complained. " You
and Sally Rebecca are just beginning."

*' Your time will come later! "

" The zest will have gone by then."

"Did it with me?"

*' No ! But you're different "

*' We're of the same flesh, George ! You'll be just
as keen when you're my age. Cheer up, old man t "

It was poor comfort to suggest that I ought to look
forward to growing old in order that I might become
young again, but it was typical of Gran'pa's strange out-
look on life. He revelled in his aged youthfulness, and I

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262 THE GLAND STEALERS

believe that he felt really sorry for merely young people.

** It's such an anticlimax/' I complained. ^'Sneaking
back with only a couple of dozen pairs of monkey glands
after all our adventures and excitements."

" Don't you worry," he said. " There'll be plenty of
excitement at Windhuk when I tell those old people. I
wouldn't be surprised at a riot. You don't know how
obstinate and querulous octogenarians are when they're
in danger of being robbed of their rights. They hate
sporting chances. We shall wish we were peacef tdly back
amongst the gorillas yet."

Touching at Swakopmund, we despatched Sally
Rebecca and Stringer by rail to Windhuk, a distance of
about 240 miles. Molly, who insisted on going there
by 'plane, remained on board.

When we reached Walfish Bay, "The Pilgrim
Father " was anchored some distance out from the land
to prevent any troublesome questions being asked by the
port authorities.

It was our intention eventually to convey the glands
by rowboat to the mainland and thence by aeroplane to
Windhuk. Meanwhile, Gran'pa, Dr. Croft and I went
ashore to make final arrangements with Oakley and
Newland, who were awaiting us with their machines.
The crew, anxious to get a glimpse of "civilization
again, followed in another boat. Thus it came about
that Molly, Captain Morgan and the gorillas were left
on board alone— one of those foolish arrangements
which never reveal their importance until it is too late.

We were met by Oakley and Newland the moment
we landed and at once inspected the " town " — a miser-
able looking collection of corrugated iron buildings, an
uninviting hotel, and a few stores — all dumped down in
a great expanse of bare, flat sand. A terrible example

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99

A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 263

of how not to develop one of the finest natural harbors
on the East Coast of Africa.

Oppressed by the gloomy aspect of the place. Dr.
Croft and I decided to return to the ship, leaving Gran'pa
to come back later with the crew.

Anchored about half a mile out, " The Pilgrim
Father " looked very picturesque and romantic, standing
silhouetted against the faint yellowish-gray glow of the
twilight sky.

As we approached, we heard sounds of music
stealing over the quiet waters, " March of the Men
of Harlech!"

"Captain Morgan's busy with his concertina," re-
marked Croft.

" Yes ! He sounds a little erratic, though," I replied.

The music stopped and the gentle splash of the oars
took its place. From the shore came the sotmd of a
sudden burst of human cries in the still night air, and
then the sharp 3relp-yelp of a dog.

Then more music — quick and rollicking— of the
" hi-tiddly-hi-ti ! " variety. It lasted for about a minute
and was immediately succeeded by a man's deep laugh.

Silence again. A star winked here and there, and
presently a bright yellow light sprang out of the ship's
side, casting a moon-like image on the water.

" How peaceful ! " I thought.

Once more the concertina spoke to us — ^but with a
different, steadier and surer voice than before.

" Ah! This is the real Captain Morgan! " I said to
Croft. " But the other. . . .1 wouldn't be surprised if
the old sinner hasn't been teaching Molly to play! "

We were now within about a hundred yards of the
ship's side and I could see the silhouette of Molly's pretty
little girlish head moving swiftly hither and thither as if

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264 THE GLAND STEALERS

she were dancing. Snatches of song also came from her
lips— half-remembered lines and phrases, little animal-
like grunts of joy, weird hummings. . . .

" Ho! Ho!. • . .That fas-cin-a-ting,

Ju-Hist so glide,
It's a tum-tum tum-tum tum-tmn. . . .

Ju-ust so slide,
There's a rumor that the Puma do-oes it now,

Monkeys have taken to it la-da-da-dah-dee

doit....!''

The delicidusly cool sea air, the lapping of the water
against our boat, a swaying lantern on ^ The Pilgrim
Father," the hushed stillness of Nature, and the great
gray shroud of mist creeping down on us from the
horizon, all imparted to the scene a vague dream-like
quality. Molly became a nymph, a will-o'-the-wisp, a
sprite. Youth indeed ! What nonsense this business of
rejuvenation was compared with the care-free ecstasy
of those who were yotmg in soul! What a terrible
mockery of the real joy of life were we instituting in
that awful hospital for the aged at WindhukI

As I watched her swiftly-moving and gyrating
figure, I was filled with pity for myself and others — for
all that vast multitude of humans who could never again
recover the fine, free Spirit of Youth. In our blindness
we might seek palliatives against pain, and foolish stim-
ulants for jaded nerves and waning appetites and
diminishing pleasures, but our greatest endeavors would
always be in vain. One by one, we were creeping on-
wards and downwards. Here and there, a little rise on
Life's roadway; here and there, a whiflF of fresh keen air
again ; here and there a shaft of sunlight in a slowly

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 265

darkening world; but always that view of the straight
pathway which leads down to a " ripe old age."

The Song of Youth, with its rippling, flute-like ac-
companiment, grew faster and faster until at kist it
suddenly stopped and I heard Molly cry out in a loud
(and almost breathless) voice :

" Oh! You are mean! How can I keep up

with that?"

The concertina slackened its speed into a mere drawl
and then changed into a terrible discord of squeaks
and grunts.

"I believe Molly's shaking the old chap!" whis-
pered Croft.

We brought our boat to a standstill, anxious to re-
main an tmseen audience for a little while longer.

" Do stop playing! " cried Molly.

" I have ! " answered Taffy.

'' I don't mean thai playing — I mean being so silly !
Do you know any Irish jigs ? "

Evidently he did, for the next moment the concertina
brc4ce out into a wild, Celtic dance time.

I saw Molly spin round with sheer delirious joy,
extend her arms, throw back her head, and proceed to
give an unauthorized version of an Irish dancer.

"Begorrah!" she cried; and "Och!". (apparently
under the impression that all primitive people emitted
weird noises when executing a national dance.)

Croft turned to say something to me, but before the
words had time to leave his mouth a dull, muffled thud
seemed to shake the whole ship. It was as if someone
had struck a blow with a great hammer, away down in
the deepest and darkest part of the hold.

The next moment the music ceased, and I saw a light
in one of the port-holes flicker out into nothingness.

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266 THE GLAND STEALERS

There followed the sharp, rending crash of breaking
wood-work, a roar like distant thunder, a heavy plump
on deck, and a deep-throated animal cry of triumph.

"My God! " I cried. " It's one of those gorillas!
Row, man ! . . . . Row! '*

We must have been some thirty to forty yards from
the ship's side, but in the pandemonitmi which followed
it seemed as inaccessible as if we had been that many
miles away. Everjrthing happened so quickly. Every-
thing was so indeterminate and phantomlikc! in the dusk.

I heard Molly and Captain Morgan give a shout of
dismay and terror and saw them turn their heads swiftly
in the direction of the hatch. A second later they were
running for their lives in the opposite direction.

"Jump!" I shouted at the top of my voice.
"Molly! Jump!"

Whether the poor distracted child heard me I do not
know, but she certainly took no heed. As she and the
Captain disappeared round the other side of the ship
there was a sudden and uncanny silence, broken pres-
ently by another blood-curdling roar from the gorilla.

I stood up in the rocking boat, shouted again, raised
my revolver in the air, and fired into the starlit sky.

" Molly! " I cried, in anguish of soul.
She heard this time — ^thank God !— f or there was an
immediate answering long-drawn cry of: " Dad-dee! "
from the bows. We rowed quickly in that direction and
saw' a huddled shape drop from the rigging and run
along the deck like the shadow of a little old man. I
fired, missed the brute, and heard a sudden scream of
terror from Molly as it rushed on all fours towards her.

''Jump!*' I bellowed.

Another cry from the bows, the sudden appearance
of a slight, girlish figure on the deck rail, a splash, a

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 267

bump as our canoe struck the ship's side — and Molly
was saved I

With my own hands, I hauled her in — ^surely the
most precious burden that a man ever landed from the
dark, msrsterious sea.

" Daddy ! " she wept, as she clung to me in her drip-
ping clothes. "Oh! I am glad you were here! " And
then, with a swift dismissal of all thought of her own
plight : " Where's Captain Morgan ? "

Without waiting for a reply, she raised her hands,
cup-shaped, to her mouth.

"Captain Morgan! *' she called. . . . "Here we are !"

No answer. But as we strained our ears for some
sotmd of life on the dark and silent vessel which loomed
above us, we heard a thud and the muffled curse of a man
in difficulties. Then something hard and metallic struck
the mast and fell to the deck with a crash.

Thrusting the canoe away from the ship's side, I
shouted again :

"Jump, man!''

The words were no sooner out of my mouth than
over he came, striking the water within a couple of yards
of our boat.

We dragged him aboard, as though he were some
huge, wet fish, thrown up unexpectedly from the deep;
and then we held a council of war.

To have attempted to locate and shoot an enraged
gorilla on board a vessel which was a hive of shelters .
and shadows would have been nmning risks that no one
but a lunatic would have faced. Far simpler and safer
to wait until morning. The gorilla is not an animal
which will swim, even under the greatest provocation.
Consequently, there was no fear of his taking his glands
away with him in the dead of night.

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268 THE GLAND STEALERS

" Do you think any of the others have escaped? " I
asked Captain Morgan.

*' Can't say! That fellow was most likely the one
we had to put by himself because of his vile temper. If
he is one of the twenty in the big cage, then the rest of
them must be free— or soon will be ! "

This seemed logical enough.

" It will be a pity if we have to kill the whole lot
of the brutes," said Croft "We could never capture
them alive."

I agreed. Shooting gorillas is not sport ; it seems too
much like mwdering one's fellow creatures — a form of
enlightenment laudable only in human warfare. Quite
apart from this, it was our intention to replace the go-
rilla's glands with live goat glands — an abstird, unfruit-
ful operation to perform on a dead animal.

"Hadn't we better get ashore?" asked Captain
Morgan rather abruptly. "I don't like hanging abcmt in
these wet clothes."

We commenced rowing again, but before we had
gone a couple of dozen yards, I heard the sound of the
other boat returning.

"That you, George? " came Gran'pa's voice out of
the darkness.

Molly and I let up a joint shout of affirmation.

Unaware of what had happened, Gran'pa drew near
to us and announced boisterously:

" Well, George — ^we've got our goats all right 1 "

" Yes ! " I said, " and I've something else that'll get
your goat. One of those conf otmded gorillas has escaped
and is in possession of the ship."

" Whafs thatf' he barked.

I repeated the information and gave him lurid detaik
of Molly's and Captain Morgan's miraculous escape.

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 269

"If wcM stopped with you," I observed, " instead of
returning when we did, God knows what would have
happened. There's a streak of luck even in our worst
misfortunes."

Seldom have I seen Gran'pa as excited as he was at
that moment. He spluttered inarticulately, stood up in
the boat, and nearly fell overboard

"Hell! " he exploded. " What are we g(Mng to do
if the brute starts running amck — and letting out the
others? Anything may happen. There may be a free
fight — murder — anything!. . . Those females, too. . ."

He broke off dramatically and I could see at once
that his real fear was that the gorilla (and consequently
the glands) chosen for Sally Rebecca might be damaged.

" We can't do anything to-night. ..." I began.

" Can't we? " he cried. " If you think Fm going to
leave that hulking brute in charge of the ship you were
never more mistaken in your life. Who'll come
with me?"

Silence I Who, indeed, would board that vessel and
face heaven knew what horrible peril?

" Listen to me, Gran'pa. ..."

"Very well!" he snapped. "I'll go myself! Fm
not afraid! Come alongside That's right!"

In spite of our remonstrances and arguments,
Gran'pa clambered into our boat, turned Captain
Morgan and Molly out into the other one, and ordered
the crew to take them ashore at once.

A couple of minutes later, Croft and Gran'pa and I
were staring up at the dar^c hull of "The Pilgrim
Father " — surely one of the most strangely manned ves-
sels which ever rode the seas.

For all we knew to the contrary, its crew consisted
solely of over twenty escaped gorillas — flying in wait.

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270 THE GLAND STEALERS

watching, scheming. The first human being to board
such a ship might be torn to pieces in an instant,
and yet —

" Keep the damned boat still, George I " whispered
Gran'pa, hoarsely* *' I can see something. ..."

So could I. The vessel was filled with weird, fan-
tastic shapes, every one of which might be a gorilla.
Some of them seemed to move like stealthy ghosts in a
phantom world; some were statuesque, corpselike; and
all rose and fell with the gentle sway of the ocean. But
there was not a sound anywhere, save the lap, lap of the
water against the ship's side. From a sditary port-hole
came the gleam of a light which only intensified the
surrounding darkness, whilst on deck a lantern flickered
and then went out.

It was the spectre-like quality of the scene which
made it so gruesome and unnerving. One felt afraid
not so much of gorillas as of — Things. . . .

Only a man like Gran'pa— driven to desperation
by an exaggerated sense of danger to something he
valued — ^would have dared to face such unknown, ter-
rifying perils. But he never hesitated for one moment.

Unable to locate anything at which we could fire with
the certainty that it was a gorilla, Gran'pa insisted on
our rowing round to the bows, where he removed his
boots, swarmed up the anchor chain, and dropped silently
aboard. Conscious of the intensely dramatic aspect of
the situation. Croft and I backwatered our boat a dozen
yards or so, and waited.

We saw Gran'pa creep along, in a crouching attitude,
until he reached a dense, black shadow, where he sud-
denly vanished, as if he had dropped to his hands and
knees. A second later something moved on the cap-
tain's bridge.

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 271

" See that? " I whispered to Croft. " It couldn't
possibly be Gran'pa. Shall we fire?"

" No ! There's a chance that it might be he — ^he's so
quick ! Shout, instead !"

" Look on the bridge! *' we cried, as in one voice.

The words of warning had hardly left our lips when
a little red spurt of flame leaped out of the darkness, a
crash rent the still air and a shrill yell of pain told us
immediately that the bullet had f otmd its mark.

A medley of vague, half muffled sounds followed.
We heard a heavy thud as the gorilla flung himself
straight from the bridge to the deck ; then the rush of
padded feet; another thud; a groan, which might have
been either human or simian — and, finally, a sudden,
breathless silence.

I was horrified by the imaginative but vivid picture
of Gran'pa l}ring helpless, with perhaps a broken limb or
neck, and the wounded gorilla seeking some ghastly
revenge.

" Gran'pa! " I shouted. " I'm coming aboard!"

"Stop where you are, you fool ....!" came the reply.

Pandemonitun ensued. The gorilla roared ; Gran'pa
fired; and the whole deck seemed to be suddenly alive
with bustle and noise. I was convinced that not one, but
a dozen apes were loose. Cries, bumps, yells and roars
ascended into the night air as if the lid had been taken
off some hidden inferno of lost and tortured souls.
Every gorilla on board, whether free or captive, must
have been contributing to that chorus of rage and hatred.

At times, individual cries followed one another in
quick succession, culminating in a unanimous roar that
seemed to shake the vessel from stem to stem.

No man but Gran'pa could have lived and retained
his sanity through such an ordeal; and yet never ooat

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272 THE GLAND STEALERS

did he cry for help. Single-handed, he went aboard
" The Pilgrim Father/' and fought — and won.

" George ! " he yelled, during the first lull.

"Yes? "I shouted back.

" It's all right, laddie ! He's dead I "

He actually had the temerity to strike a match, and
we then saw that he was bending down, looking
at something.

"Aren't there any others loose?" I cried, in
amazement.

" I don't think sol " he replied cooUy. " I'll just go
and see!"

Once more a deep silence had fallen on the vessel
and, tense with anxiety, we waited while he went below.

" He simply doesn't know what fear is " said Croft.

" I don't think he ever did," I answered. " Cer-
tainly, not since he was rejuvenated."

"If those old men at Windhuk start complaining,
it would be as well to mention this affair."

" Don't worry ! " I observed. " Gran'pa will be the
first to rub it in, if necessary. His accompUshments
are many — and he never forgets the fact"

A minute or so later, Gran'pa was on deck again,
serenely explaining that everyone below was quite com-
fortable and safe.

" A little excited, perhaps," he joked. " But that is
only to be expected."

He was about to return to our boat when he suddenly
thought of the dead gorilla.

"We'd better have this fellow's glands put into cold

storage. A pity to waste them If you'll just wait a

moment I'll Ught up and you can come aboard. It's quite
safe now, George. . . ."

I held my peace — mainly because I had no adequate

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A GORILLA BREAKS LOOSE 273

reply — ^but even when we did go aboard I could feel cold
shivers running up and down my back.

" Did you count the gorillas below? " I asked.

" What a man you are ! " laughed Gran'pa. " Yes ! I
read the roll call twice. There was a full attendance."

I could see that he was in a taimting mood, so I flat-
tered him a little.

" You had nerve/* I said, " to come on this deck in
the dark."

He put his hand on my shoulder good-humoredly.

" George/' he replied, " you never seem able to see
both sides of the question. That gorilla had scores of
hiding-places ; but I had just as many, minus one — ^the
one being the particular spot he was in at any given
moment. He may have had the beef, too; but I had the
brains — ^and a loaded revolver. I was sorry for that
poor, misguided brute the second my socks touched
the deck."

How simple everything always was when Gran'pa
explained !

All I desired now was that he would be able to use
the same species of disarming logic on the morrow,
when eighty-seven eager old men began clamoring for
their new glands.

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CHAPTER XVI

THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS

BY eight o'clock the following morning we had
stored, in ice-packed vacuum flasks, twenty-two
pairs of strong, active glands (eighteen culled
from gentlemen and four from ladies). In return for
their mainsprings of youth, so to speak, the gorillas had
unfortunately to content themselves with goat glands, a
much inferior article, but as Gran'pa so aptly said:
'* Half a life is better than none/'

Leaving the poor brutes on board until we returned,
by which time they would be convalescent, we set out, in
a cool steady breeze , for Windhuk, a little over one
hundred miles away and lying 5,000 feet above sea level.

Our 'planes flew evenly and swifdy over the narrow
coastal sand belt, and then the great sand dunes, and
finally the hilly country that gradually ascends towards
the immense plateau of the interior.

Physically, the journey was uneventful and tame
after our many jungle flights ; but psychologically, it was
one of the most romantic that could be imagined

We were carrying Youth and Life, Happiness and
Power — ^the veritable concentrated essence of being —
monkey glands. Gods we were, moving through the
high heavens for the benefit of the little humans who
toiled and grew weary and old on the green lands
beneath. Gods we were, soaring above the tempest and
lightning of the motmtain sides.

Even Bellerophon, aflight on his winged Pegasus,
was no more godlike than we. For were we not going
S74

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 275

forth to fight the terrible chimsera of Old Age — a much
more formidable and elusive monster than the mytho-
logical creature which threatened Lycia.

Our foe dwelt not in one country, but in all the lands
of the earth. It arose with the first dim speck of life,
striving slowly and ruthlessly against Youth and the
beauty of Youth* It stole the roses from the maiden's
cheek, the lustre from her eye, the fleetness from her
limbs, the gold from her hair, the grace from her move-
ments^ and the swiftness of thought from her brain.

It blimted the keen edge of appetite, robbed the flesh
of its earthly pleasures, weakened the powers of resist-
ance against disease, and painted the world a dull mono-
tone of gray. Its victims clogged the wheels of industry
and progress, hampered politics, handicapped art, fos-
tered wars which were fought by others, and scoffed at
romance. The Dragon, the Hydra and the Chimsera
were merely harmless and playful little creatures com-
pared with this insidious Monster of Old Age.

Little wonder that our hearts were light and gay as
we thought of the subtle weapons of attack which we
carried in those innocent-loc^cing thermos flasks.

For over an hour we went hustling and hiunming
through the blue heavens in pursuit of our prey ; then we
saw Windhuk, the City of the Aged, lying beneath us
like a cluster of toy huts on a green and brown carpet.

The engines suddenly ceased their roar, the wind
whistled through the struts, the tree-clad earth tilted and
spun rotmd in an ascending spiral, antlike inhabitants
hurried hither and thither in curiosity and alarm, and
down we dropped in an ecstasy of aerial exuberance.

Gran'pa was the first to alight. With a youthful
spring, he leapt to the grotmd and ran over to the other
'plane to help out Molly. It was a lesson in politeness-
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276 THE GLAND STEALERS

an art which few people are able to practice in moments
of intense excitement.

I watched the scene with humility and shame, admit-
ting to myself that I had been far too engrossed in my
own speculations to think of others, and was about to
compliment Gran'pa on his courtesy when my attention
was suddenly diverted elsewhere.

A loud cry on our right had heralded the sudden
appearance of between fifty and sixty strange looking
men, clad in vests and " shorts/' With their fists
clenched on each side of their chests, they came quietly
trotting round a cluster of trees at the one end of the
open space to which we had just descended.

"What on earth is it ? " Newland asked. " The finish
of a cross-coimtry race, or a deputation from the
local mayor?"

" Heaven knows I " I answered. " They must be
having some sort of sports here."

I was about to hazard another explanation for this
astounding apparition when the truth burst upon me. I
recognized first one and then another face in the crowd.
That tall, thin man was Major Atkinson, and that
stumpy little fellow was P. J. Cholmondeley, the world's
oldest railway director.

" Why, the/re the boys ! " I exclaimed, hysterically.

" What boys? " queried Newland.

" The Clubl. . .The Rejuvenation Qub, man!. . ."
I cried, gazing anxiously at Gran'pa, round whom they
were clustering, like a pack of hungry hounds.

" Three cheers! " shouted a thin, reedy voice out of
the half-clad mass of surging humanity.

" Hip-hip'hurrah! " came the unanimous reply.

''Hurrah!. . . .Hurrah!. . . ."

Their excitement was piteous to behold. Some of

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 277

the older and weaker of them were blubbering with joy.
They jostled and pushed one another, laughed, shouted,
jumped up on tiptoe, waved their arms, and coughed and
spluttered with overexertion — ^behaving for all the
world as if they had just been rescued from some such
calamity as a shipwreck, or a six months' siege. In their
wholesale endeavor to reach Gran'pa and shake his hand,
they gravely endangered not only his toes but even
his life.

"Gentlemen!" I heard him shout. '^ Gentlemen f
Confoimd youl. ..."

In the momentary lull which followed, he managed to
back his way to the aeroplane and climb into a seat.
Standing there, he af^aled for a hearing.

" Let him speak 1 " piped the same thin voice which
had called for those lusty cheers.

The uproar died down into a murmur, and the mur-
mur into a silence, broken here and there by the stray
clearing of some aged throat, or the sharp, short cough
of overexcitement.

" I appreciate your welcome ! " said Gran'pa in re-
strained and even tones. " Look where you're going,
sir ; you'll smash the machine ! " The crowd swayed and
shouted. Then silence again. Gran'pa ccmtinued :

'* I appreciate your welcome," he repeated, " and I
understand your joy. Let me therefore proclaim at

once that we have accomplished much of what we

promised. The glands "

But he could proceed no further. The noise of the
old people, eager and almost crazy for Youth, rose into
another volley of hoarse cheers and cackling coughs and
laughter. They had waited over ten months for this
moment, and once they had heard the glad tidings
further speech was regarded as useless. To them, the

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278 THE GLAND STEALERS

word " glands " was sufficient. They had yet to learn
that there were not nearly enough to go round. Igno-
rance was indeed bliss 1

"Gentlemen!" shouted Gran'pa at the top of his
voice. " Do behave yourselves ! Remember that we are
all tired out. We've been up half the night on your
behalf. We want rest— even if it is only a few minutes'
rest. If you will only have the goodness to disperse I
will come to the sanatorium presently and tell you
everything. I have news for you — good news — ^but not

exactly what you expected Confound you, sir 1 Will

you look where you are going I '*

They saw that he was angry and, like the children
that they were at heart, they obeyed his entreaty. With
low murmurs and shakings of heads, they slowly with-
drew from Gran'pa's hastily-chosen forum.

" That's better ! " he cried. " Now, if you will only
go home I'll promise to be round there in half-an-hour
at the most."

So they retired once more, in gesticulating twos and
threes — dampened and crestfallen, but still hopeful.

" Extraordinary ! " I heard Gran'pa exclaim to Dr.
Groft. " They look twenty years younger already. It's
really astonishing what exercise, fresh air and diet alone
will do on the road to rejuvenation. We couldn't have
better material for our first experiment."

" There seemed to be about fifty," said Dr. Croft.

" I wonder where the others are Ahl here comes

Dr. Martin 1 Now we shall know."

We welcomed the newcomer, who was head of the
hospital staff in Windhuk, and presently discovered that
the contingent of ancients which we had just encoun-
tered represented the pick of the Club. The partly
rejuvenated graybeards had been doing their daily

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 279

''jerks" in the gymnasium when our 'planes were
sighted, and they had sallied forth immediately. The
remainder of the members were under treatment for
such minor complaints as sore throats, sprains, broken
bones, sciatica, and so on. The physician in charge also
regretted to state that four of the members had expired
since arriving in Windhuk. One had died from heart
failure, another from pneumonia, another from
apoplexy as a result of overexertion, and another had
simply lost heart and pined away.

Gran'pa was clearly upset.

" What a pity ! " he murmured, as we set out for
the sanatorium. " What a pity I I had hoped to pull
this thing through without any loss of life. How many
do you consider able to undergo the operation to-day.
Dr. Martin?"

" All except six or seven. That is, about eighty."

" More than enough! " gnmted Gran'pa. "Take us
over to the sanatorium, give us something to eat and
drink, and then we'll explain matters. By that
time my fiancee should have arrived by train from
Swakopmtmd."

Dr. Martin said that he was glad to hear it, and also
indicated that our sudden arrival was very welcome —
though a little unexpected.

" What do you think of the old chaps ? " he asked.

"Splendid!" exclaimed Gran'pa. "In fact, the
glands seem superfluous "

" Not quite," chuckled the doctor. " But very
nearly. . . ."

" What have'you been up to, eh? "

" Well, first of all, we've given the old people plenty
of physical jerks, embracing movements in every joint
— ^fingers, elbow, neck — waist, knees, toes, ankles, spine

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28o THE GLAND STEALERS

— an(^ so on. • . • They've gone in for dancing, too. Jigs,
reels, dog-dandng, hornpipes. ..."

"It all sounds very hot and perspiring! " observed
Grandpa.

'' Did you think so when you saw them just now? "

" No ! I can't say that I did. On the contrary, they
looked astonishingly cool and fresh ! "

Dr. Martin beamed with pride.

" They'd come straight from an hour's drill in the
gymnasium," he remarked succinctly.

" You amaze me I " conceded Gran'pa. "Well, what
else have you done ? * Jerks ' alone wouldn't have pro-
duced such a — miracle."

" I suppose that you've heard of the latest theory,
glanduhr stimulants?" asked Dr. Martin.

"Vaguely I Isn't it potashes, or something?"

" Yes, a colloidal, radioactive potash. It works with
extraordinary rapidity and, what is most important, it
seems to stimulate all the glands in equal proportion. I
believe that coordination of effects is a vital necessity
to any process of rejuvenation. That's why I am not
particularly in favor of grafting only one type of gland,
such as the thyroid. The result may not be lasting. You
may easily develop one part of the organism at the ex-
pense of the rest."

This was touching Gran'pa on his tenderest spot, so
to speak — ^his own glands (or rather Alfred's). I could
see that he was annoyed.

" Such has not been the case with me," he said, airily.

" Not so far, perhaps," answered Dr. Martin.

'* You mean to suggest that it may. I disagree with
you entirely, sir! I feel that you are wrong. I
know it\"

" Please don't look on this as a personal matter, Mr.

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 281

Hadley. It is merely a general observation. We know
very little of the precise f uncti(»i of any gland at present,
but we do know that the stimtilaticMi of one kind often
leads to degeneration of another."

'' Have you told all this to the old people?'' inquired
Gran'pa, after a pause.

"Naturally not!"

"That's a pity!"

" Why? " asked Dr. Martin.

" Because most of them will badly need some such
comforting theory. I'm sorry to inform you, doctor,
that we've not done nearly as well as we expected. In-
stead of the eighty-seven pairs of glands promised,
we've managed to get only twenty-two."

Dr. Martin's expression was one of surprise and
pain. In spite of his profession, he seemed to be
deeply moved.

" This is very bad news 1 " he said. " They will be
terribly upset."

" I am certain they will," agreed Gran'pa, almost
cheerfully. " But they must make the best of it. Some
of us will have to die of old age — sometime. It's not a
new grievance. Men and women have been putting up
with it for millions of years. Why, then, should these
people complain?"

Dr. Martin shrugged his shoulders.

" You must remember that they have been here a
long time and worked very hard* at their exercises, solely
in preparation for the new glands. Their enthusiasm
has astounded all of us. When they find that only about
a quarter of them are going to be rejuvenated, there will
be trouble."

An idea struck me at this point.

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282 THE GLAND STEALERS

'' How would it be to distribute single glands, in-
stead of pairs? " I suggested.

" No! " said Gran'pa, firmly. " I hate makeshifts.
We must have one thing or the other— either youth or
old age. We can't have men who don't know what they
are. It would be as absurd as fitting a three-horse-power
engine to a four-seater car. . . ."

"I agree," murmured Dr. Martin, despondently.
" The only thing is to explain matters — *'

*' And let them draw lots," added Gran'pa.

Dr. Croft joined in.

" There is no reason," he said, " why we should not
tell them that this is merely the first consignment of
glands — ^the remainder to follow later."

" No! " exclaimed Gran'pa. " Why should we lie
to them? Within the next twenty-four hours this busi-
ness is finished as far as I'm concerned. If the unre-
juvenated like to go gland-hunting on their own, the/te
welcome to any information we can give them. That is
an idea quite worth mentioning."

We had now reached the sanatorium, and adjourned
the discussion until we had refreshed ourselves with
food and drink. During the meal Sally Rebecca and
Stringer arrived, looking rather hot and tired after their
twenty-four-hour train journey. Their appetites, how-
ever, appeared to be much keener than usual, so they
joined us immediately.

Feeling much brighter after our meal, we left Molly
and Sally in charge of the matron and proceeded to the
gymnasium, where Gran'pa was to deliver his eagerly-
awaited speech.

Gran'pa, looking very spruce and cheerful, headed
the procession, and as we filed in through the narrow
doorway a low murmur of hope and joy rose from the

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 283

assembled mtiltitade The noise increased in volome
until at last it brdke into wave upon wave of cheers.

Under happier circumstances, it would have been a
scene to make one's heart glow with pride. Seventy-nine
of the Qub's members were there in all stages of dress
and undress — a fine, weU-nourished, brown-skinned»
dean-shaven, athletic-looking gathering of hale old men,
with a total of well over 5,000 years to their credit ! The
contrast, when one compared this with the inaugural
meeting at Battersea, was indeed startling. Gone was
the bushy assortment of whiskers, the array of bent
backs, the staccato accompaniment of coughings, the
throaty undertone one usually associates with excited
old men. Sun, fresh air, colloidal potashes, and plenty
of physical jerks had already produced marvellous
results. Would that we could have gone still further,
and wrought a miracle by providing a sufficiency of the
little glandular engines of complete youth. . . .

One by one, we mounted the platform which had
been erected for the occasion, bowed and then sat down*

So we faced one another, the Saviours, the Saved —
and the Lost.. ••

Gran'pa took from one of his pockets a handful of
little red beans and, from another, a much smaller stipply
of white ones. He placed them in two separate heaps on
the table in front of him and, from the way some of the
old people behaved, I believe that they were under the
impression that these objects were the actual glands ! In
any case, the uproar became more deafening than ever!

Standing up, and raising a hand for silence, Gran'pa
began speaking in his dear, steady voice.

" Gentlemen,'* he said, with dramatic simplidty, " the
hour is at hand.''

I saw one old man in the audience blow his nose and

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284 THE GLAND STEALERS

wipe away some tears which had gathered in his eyes.
Another was trembling from head to foot with excite-
ment. Still another seemed to be on the verge of faint-
ing. The silence was intense. I heard a bean roll ofiF the
table and fall to the floor with a click. It was as if the
proverbial pin had dropped.

Rapidly and cleverly and logically, Gran'pa got into
his stride.

Opening with a short history of our campaign in the
Gorilla Cotmtry, he referred to the tremendous diffi-
culties we had to overcome, the hardships we had to en-
dure, and the diseases we had to face. With a motion in
my direction, he stated that malaria had nearly carried
me off (which was the first I had known of it I) and that
the daily dangers of the jungle had brought every one of
us within an ace of death, not once but scores of times.

He described the gorilla in lurid and blood-curdling
details, drawing a little on his imagination here and
there. He spoke of the enormous strength of the fully
grown male; of its cunning, its cruelty and its vindic-
tiveness. Allusion was also made to the baby gorilla
which had so playfully torn Gran'pa's trousers, and to
the grandmother gcmlla which had come to its assistance
in the forest.

The narration of these incidents greatly amused the
audience, but in the midst of their chuddes Grandpa
suddenly pulled them up by pointing out that, at die
time, it was no laughing matter. Leaning forward, with
clenched fists resting on the table, he said, in a
low voice: —

'' Dressing up as a lady gorilla and luring amcMtms
or curious males to their doom may sound very humor-
ous in this room to-day; but out there, in a country

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 285

where all animal life is engaged in a grim and earnest
struggle for existence, Death — ^horrible and sudden —
awaits the man who makes the least mistake."

Having been thus restored to a sense of reality, the
old men were gradually given to understand that in the
present backward state of science it was practically im-
possible to capture eighty odd live gorillas.

As Gran'pa approached nearer to the crux of the
situation I could see that he was analyzing the psycfacd-
ogy of his audience with all th& cunning of a politician.
He tactfully prepared the ground by Stating that it
would be a marvellous feat to obtain even half-a-dozen
gorillas in the short time we had had at our disposal.

In this way he skilfully led the old people into the
dark shadows of despair. Then he suddenly flung at
them the magnificent announcement that we had caught
not six, but twenty-two gorillas!

" Twenty-two ! " he repeated, in a voice which simu-
lated deep emotion. 'It is an achievement of which I
am justifiably proud I "

Even to me, it appeared a much larger number than
it actually was. The effect on the audience was electri-
cal. For more than a minute they cheered quite as
vociferously as if we had already accomplished the
miracle of rejuvenation in every one of them.

Gran'pa, too surprised at his success to continue his
speech, sat down for a while. He glanced sideways at
me, as much as to say : '' Well ! What do you think of
that, George? " Stringer, with the maximum expression
of Old-Billishness on his face, beamed paternally on
everyone : Dr. Croft looked bright and cheerful ; and Dr.
Martin appeared to be slightly relieved — ^but by no
means hopeful.

He must have understood the old people better than

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286 THE GLAND STEALERS

any of us, for presently the uproar died down into an
ominous and expectant silence.

Once again, Gran'pa was on his feet^ talking quickly
and persuasively.

He pointed out that even this magnificent total of
twenty-two pairs of glands was unfortunately not
enough for our purpose. The fact had worried him
more than he could say. It had been the subject of
numerous discussions. Amongst the many suggestions
made, was the rather obvious one of supplementing the
supply with glands obtained ivom the smaller monkeys.
But he considered that this would have been a very un-
satisfactory solution of the difficulty, and, in any case,
it would be comparatively simple to obtain these at any
time. Little monkeys were plentiful, widely distributed,
and easy to catch. Incidentally, they were far more
suitable for organ grinders than rejuvenation.

At this point Gran'pa picked up a handful of the
red beans reposing on his right, ran them through his
fingers, and said quietly : —

" The only fair way out of the difficulty, gentlemen,
is for you to draw lots."

I saw one of the old men lose his bright red color
and turn a muddy white. Possibly, he was always un-
lucky in functions of this nature. Another rubbed his
hands together and chuckled gleefully — evidently con-
vinced that good luck was one of his assets.

The general eflfect, however, viras one of intense
disappointment, followed by bitter resentment. They
began to realize the unkindness of Fate in permitting the
failure of an expedition which had started so promis-
ingly. Also, they wanted a scapegoat — and Gran'pa
was obviously the only one available.

Some hard words were flung at Gran'pa. He was

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 287

accused of negligence, of bad stewardship, and even o!
breach of contract— especially by those who had con-
tributed to the expenses of the club.

It was really a most disgraceful exhibition of nar-
row-mindedness and gross unfairness. To hear these
people, one would have thought that Gran'pa had acted
selfishly from beginning to end, that he had never con-
sidered their interests, and that none of us had even en-
dangered our lives. No labor leader, about to be deposed
by a yelling horde of fellow-workers, was treated more
scurvily than Gran'pa. It made my blood boil; and
Stringer's moustache and eyebrows were bristling with
suppressed indignation.

I was ahnost hoping that there would be a free
fight. And I am sure that there was not a finger on our
platform that wasn't itching to do mischief to some of
those venerable necks and heads.

Serene and dignified, Gran'pa raised a hand for
quiet. But the uproar increased Was there ever a worse
example of obstinate, greedy old age?

'* Confound them I " I heard Gran'pa say.

Then he stood on the table and shouted at them as if
they were dogs.

" Be quietr' Ht ytVtd.

A sudden silence f diowed his words and, roused to
fury at last, Gran'pa shouted out : —

** If there's another murmur I'll scrap the damned
lot of those s^ds I What the devil do you mean by all
this commotion? A nice lot of miserable cowards
you are.. ..'*

He turned to his supporters on the platform and
made a gesture in the direction of the audience.

'* These are the men," he sneered, " who fattened on
the late war — ^men who boasted of what they would have

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288 THE GLAND STEALERS

done had they been thirty years younger ! Look at their
courage now! My God! *'

He said very little more in this strain, but what he
did say was to the point. It shamed those seventy-nine
resentful and spiteful old men into the most abject
silence I have ever seen. They cringed and wilted before
the tornado of his passion, until at last one of them
stood up and apologized for himself and the rest of
the company.

" That's quite all right! " murmured Gran'pa,

diffidently. '*! think we all lost our heads for a moment.
Please forgive me if I broke the bad news too suddenly."

How could they help cheering him after that ?

More noise I Then quietness, as Gran'pa counted out
the beans.

" With your permission, gentlemen," he said tact-
fully, " I am retaining the first white one for my
fiancee.'*

(A voice: "Yes! Yes!" — followed by unanimous
approval!)

" That," he continued, " leaves twenty-one

Now for the red ones."

After a momentary and dramatic silence, Gran'pa
said : —

" Fifty-eight! Would you mind checking the num-
bers, George? Oh! We want a hat! "

A battered old thing was handed up by an octo-
genarian company promoter, and the proceedings began.

I would a thousand times rather have died from old
age than face that terrible ordeal. It was gruesome, pite-
ous, cruel. It seemed as if we were executioners taking
part in some frightful Bolshevik rite. And yet it had
to be ... .

One by one, they filed past the Altar of Youth and

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THE ANQENTS CAST LOTS 289

Death, plunging shaking hands into that innocent-
looking symbol of the future, fumbling therein for
awhile, and then bringing forth— everything or nothing.
A groan, a sigh, a sharp exclamation of despair, or satis-
faction, or joy escaped each one of them as they went
slowly by.

Some of those who drew the white beans of youth
tried to conceal their good luck, as if afraid that their
unforttmate brothers might think they were gloating.
It was that spirit of consideration more than anything,
which moved me almost to tears.

On the other hand, there was one man who branded
himself for all time. I should imagine that he was a
retired card-sharper.

His crime ccmsisted of taking out three beans,
quiddy separating the white one from two reds, and
dropping the later back in the hat.

" Put the other back ! " rapped out Gran'pa. "You're
disqualified, sir."

"It was an accident I'' protested the old man.
" They stuck to my fingers, and "

" Put it back! " roared Gran'pa. " I'm here to see
fair play and FU get it ! . . . . Oh, no, you don't. You've

had your draw. We can't allow two goes Move

^ong, please I "

Flushed with shame, and still mumbling and pro-
testing, he stepped back from the queue and the pro-
ceedings were resumed.

When they were finished, Gran'pa looked into the
hat, uttered an exclamation of astonishment, and said : —

" Owing to the little lapse from propriety which you

witnessed a moment ago, there is a bean left over,

gentlemen. Those of you who have drawn the red will

be agreeably surprised to hear that the remaining one is

19

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290 THE GLAND STEALERS

white 1 I therefore suggest that the losers all place their
red beans in the hat and try their luck again."

Everyone cheered (with the exception of the un-
fortunate individual who was the cause of this fresh
lease of hope) and the supplementary draw opened
amidst great enthusiasm and excitement.

When it was presently discovered that the first fifty-
six (out of the fifty-eight losers) had all drawn reds, the
tension became so great that the remaining two old men
were compelled to sit down for a few moments. They
were so exhausted with emotion that Dr. Martin was
afraid they might collapse.

" Come along! " he said. " You must get this over
at once I "

"Toss for it!" cried Gran'pa. "That is the
fairest!"

So they tossed — ^and the man who called " Tails! "
won.

" L . . .1 always. . . .say ' Heads! ' " he half sobbed
"But this time "

Then he fainted!

A bottle of smelling salts, however, and about a
quarter of a bottle of brandy worked wonders, and the
moment he regained consciousness the loser shook his
hand and even congratulated him. More astcmishing
still, all the happy possessors of the white beans were the
centre of an admiring and cheerful crowd of well-
wishers, none of whom showed the least signs of jealousy
or resentment.

" Bravo ! " cried Gran'pa. " You're real sportsmen,
gentlemen— every one of you! I withdraw the rash
statement I made a few minutes ago, and ask your
pardon."

He got it — ^in the form of more cheers.

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 291

We were beginning to congratulate ourselves on this
happy and unexpected termination, when a little bald-
headed nian of eighty or ninety summers emitted a high-
pitched wail of dismay.

" My beanl " he cried. " Somebod/s stolen it !. . . .
Stop thief I Ah4il''

He uttered the last syllable triumphantly, having
grabbed the supposed miscreant by the coat collar.

There was a short scufik, in which some half-dozen
other old men took part and a yell of pain from the vic-
tim as someone bent back his clenched fist. Instead of
a white bean, however, a red one fell from his open palm
— a complete vindication of his innocence, which drove
the loser of the bean to frenzy.

" I've been robbed I " he shouted hysterically. " It is
shameful ! Where is the blackguard ? "

Naturally enough, no one answered his query. To
add to the difficulty, nobody was certain exactly who
were the winners and who were the losers before the
theft had occurred.

" This is disgraceful ! " said Gran'pa. " We must
register the names of the winners at once, or there'll be
still more pilfering."

" What about me? " yelled the victim of this day-
light robbery. "' The man who stole my bean will come
forward as if he drew it."

"I don't see how we can possibly prevent it."
observed Gran'pa.

*' I insist on my name being included. Failing that,
there must be another draw."

'' No! '' protested the whites.

"Yes! Another draw!" clamored the reds,

completely losing their previous sense of chivalry.

" Absurd I " retaliated Gran'pa. " We can't have all

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292 THE GLAND STEALERS

this business over again through the gross carelessness
of one man. Will the holders of the white beans kindly
give their names at once ?"

They did— all together I

" One at a time, please! " ordered Gran'pa, taking
out paper and pencil. '' And we want to see your beans,
as well I"

So, at last, after an arduous and exciting afternoon,
we drew up a list of those who were entitled to the full
fruits of rejuvenation.

The task was accomplished under great difficulties,
owing to the noisy behavior of the the individual who
had lost his bean. But Gran'pa was adamant. He re-
fused to give way either to his pleadings or his threats.

" For which of these names do you suggest I should
substitute yours? " he asked quietly.

It was a poser worthy of Solomon. It yras
unanswerable.

"Now," said Gtan'pa, "I should be glad if the
twenty-one winners would accompany Dr. Martin to his
consulting room. It is essential that the operation should
take place either this evening or to-morrow. The doctor
will decide which of you are composed enough to under-
go the treatment now. I need hardly say that the
operation is a fairly simple one, but as it will involve the
administration of an anaesthetic it is best to take ele-
mentary precautions. I wish you the best of luck, a
speedy recovery — and complete youth, gentlemen.*'

They greeted his good wishes in the usual way, and
then the gymnasium slowly began to empty itself.

One would have thought that no further problems
could possibly be presented to Gran'pa for solution. But
difficulties dogged our footsteps to the end.

The last man was on the point of leaving the rocnn

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THE ANCIENTS CAST LOTS 293

when he suddenly drew back, closed the door on the
retiring crowd and strode over to the platform.

"A few minutes ago," he explained briefly,
" Colonel Wilkins offered me five thousand dollars for
my interest in the glands. Tve decided to close
with him."

" You'll do nothing of the sort I" exclaimed Gran'pa.
" We cannot permit the question of money to enter into
a matter of this kind. You were all chosen irrespective
of position, wealth or influence, and it would be estab-
lishing a vicious and dangerous precedent to allow any
bu3ring and selling of the glands. We should have the
whole thing degenerate into a sort of auction sale in no
time .... Don't you agree with me, George ? "

" Most emphatically," I said. " It would be intro-
ducing terrible temptations to the poorer members of
the club."

"Quite so! Youth — and life — ^are much too pre-
cious to be bartered for mere money. Suppose we had
started selling the glands. . . .Go to Dr. Martin at once,
sir, and thank your lucky stars you have men of principle
as your advisers and leaders."

When he had gone Gran'pa turned to me with a
great sigh.

" George," he said, " for peace and quietness^ give
me the haunts of the wild gorilla every time. Another
day or two of this would kill me. I must go and see
SaJly. I want comforting. ..."

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CHAPTER XVII

SALLY SLIPS BACK

THE first person to recover from the operation
and exhibit clear signs of rejuvenation was a
red-faced little man, called Jonathan Abbott.
In less than forty-eight hours after the new glands had
been grafted, he not only played Gran'pa a game of
chessi but actually beat him (in thirty-one moves). It
was a great intellectual achievement which very much
annoyed Gran'pa.

" Mate in three! By jingo! " exclaimed Abbott,

ecstatically. " This game talces me back forty years —
to the time when I was on the county team! ''

His boyish flippancy was a great comfort to the other
patients, who naturally all anticipated the same marvel-
lous results in their own particular cases.

To see the old people returning to their youth was
like watching a brood of chickens hatch. One by one
they crept out of the shells of their dd age, fluttered their
wings and began to manifest a keen desire for activity.

Intoxicated with youthful exuberance, Jonathan
Abbott used to go outside the sanatorium and run about
like a kitten after a fly, while those who were not yet
capable of such exertions stood and encouraged him.
They sang songs, laughed, gesticulated, stretched them-
selves, and emitted little, self-satisfied grunts.

In spite of the powerful properties of gorilla glands,
I do not think that they alone accounted for these extra-
ordinary scenes at Windhuk No single remedy for old
age could have wrought such a change in so short a time.

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 295

I was inclined to agree with Dr. Martin that the previous
administration of radioactive potashes and thyroid
gland extract, the open air life, the physical exercises,
and the peculiar, contagious atmosphere associated with
crowds, all played very important parts. The resultant
of these forces was so strong that the poor old brains
and bodies were seething with superfluous energy.

This phase of exaggerated second childhood lasted
for several weeks, until, under the counteracting influ-
ence of bromide draughts, it gradually subsided into a
more restrained joy in life.

Meanwhile, Sally Rebecca, too, was recovering her
youth. Not having been subjected to a preliminary
treatment of intensive culture, she naturally made slower
progress than the men.

Gradually, her features became less harsh in outline,
her eyes brightened, new layers of fat were formed, her
movements grew more graceful, her voice improved in
depth and tone, and even her hair was darkening.

Now and then, a quaint girlishness exhibited itself,
as if modestly peeping out on a new world. Keeping
pace with the wonderful transformation of her body, the
Spirit of Youth led her soul back to the past. She began
treating Grandpa and me as companions of her own age.

In contrast to the women of this generation, she
showed a strange mixture of awakening motherliness
and innocence and purity that belonged to the period in
which she was bom. And yet, behind it all was the wis-
dom of maturity, its tolerance, its deep understanding,
its great gift of forgiveness.

Intensely curious, I asked Gran'pa :

" Is she as you knew her forty or fifty years ago? "

" Very nearly, George I " he answered, meditatively.

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296 THE GLAND STEALERS

'* It is a spiritual revelation. She has all the qualities she
had in those days— only they are a little more subdued.
That touch of abandonment is not there, but '^

" You can't expect everything the same/' I pointed
out.

"No Of course noti"

He seemed to be somewhat lacking in enthusiasm, I
thought, and I could not help sajring:

" Surely you are not disappointed? "

" How can you suggest such a thing, George ? "

But the impression remained. I was certain that
something was amiss. Even Sally herself seemed to be
less inclined towards Gran'pa than she had been before
the operation.

A trifle resentfully, she told me that he was very
domineering at times. She also felt that he spent far too
much time with the other members of the club, and that
she was consequently being neglected

To make matters worse, Gran'pa became the moving
spirit in a vicious little clique of gamblers who played
poker and auction bridge with a wild desperation — as
i f determined to seek solace in cards, now that the glands
had failed them. The stakes, too, were dangerotisly high.

" We must get him away from these wicked, unrc-
juvenated old men," I said to Sally one morning. " He's
becoming demoralized."

The next morning Sally announced that she insisted
on returning to England before the week was out.

" But, my dear. ..." protested Gran'pa. " You can't
rush things like this."

Sally showed her spirit.

" Charles," she said, "If you and your numerous
friends don't wish to come — you needn't. I can go
alone."

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 297

''Don't talk nonsense, Sally! We can't have the
party broken up in this absurd manner. It's idiotic for a
mere woman to try and upset "

" Steady, Gran'pa ! " I whispered.

"Well, so it is," he growled.

Sally was pink with indignation.

"I won't be referred to as 'a mere woman'!"
she snapped.

Seeing all the elements of a young lovers' quarrel in
being, I withdrew and left Gran'pa and Sally to settle
their differences alone.

Five minutes later Gran'pa strode past me with an
air of grim detennination. He was followed a few
moments later by Sally, weeping.

" Don't cry ! " I said, taking her arm and trying to
soothe her. '* Neither of you intend to be unkind to
one another "

"/do! "she exclaimed. "Ohilcould. . ..MShimI
(Sniff — ^sniff). Just fancy! He said that . . • ."

" Don't repeat it, Sally ! It always makes it worse to
go over things. Whatever he said, you know that he
didn't really mean it."

She dabbed her eyes, stopped weepii^, and then
turned on me !

" Of course you stick up for him — ^being a man ! "
she cried.

I mumbled something impljring humility, and she re-
lented a little.

" Oh ! He does make me lose my temper, George !
.... I'm sorry I was horrid to you as well."

" I don't mind it a bit/' I lied.

Sally suddenly began laughing.

" It's very foolish," she said. " We ought to know

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298 THE GLAND STEALERS

better at our age Anyway, I shall certainly return

to England this week-^if only you and Molly will back
me up and come as well. Please, George ! "

It was nice to think that someone relied on me. It
was still nicer to think of home— comfort — and Nanny's
efficient guardianship, after so much strife and worry.
I was tired of Africa, its old men, and its monkeys.

So I gave Sally my promise of active support.

" I feel happier than I've been for weeks," she con-
fessed, with a blush. " It's very good of you, George.
If only your Gran'pa followed your example, he would
have much better manners."

I wished he had been there to hear it. At the same
time, I could not help wondering whether Sally had been
a flirt in her younger days. Even now, she was certainly
very promising in this respect. Or was she merely test-
ing the powers of her new-found youth?

The same afternoon I told Gran'pa that I, too, was
returning home with Sally.

" It's a conspiracy! " he barked. " You're a nice sort
of great-grandson, George ! What the devil ? "

" Come, now," I said, quietly. " Don't lose your
temper. I'm fed up with this monkey-gland business
and I want to get back to civilization. You can come
later, if you prefer. What point is there in my remain-
ing here any longer?"

" None .... I don't even know why you came."

''That's merely spiteful 1 I caught three times as
many monkeys as you. ..."

" They were not monkeys. They were gorillas —
apes! Don't be so supercilious! Can't you find any-
thing better to do than keep up this thin trickle of
sneers at the old people ? "

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 299

'*Noti{Istayhcre!''Ireplied. "They get on my
ntrves — ^with their chest smacking and all their other
feeble imitations of youth."

" You wait until you're old! **

^'Fd rather die first!"

Gran'pa glanced at me, spluttered, and then strode
furiously away.

But I knew already that Sally was winning.
Grandpa's bark was always worse immediately before he
— didn't bite. . ..

The following morning he said:

" You're right, George I You always are, confound
you ! We're wasting time out here and the sooner we
go home the better! "

Having unburdened himself thus, he went to the
other extreme and couldn't complete our preparations
for the departure quickly enough.

Excited at the prospect of returning to their friends,
and possibly to fame, the rejuvenated also commenced
hustling. But the unlucky ones — artificially fed on pot-
ashes, and apparently incapable of sustained effort —
became vindictive and irritable. They accused us of
backsliding, breach of faith, and cowardice.

I don't know what rash promises Gran'pa had made
during the last few weeks, but I had the suspicion that
he must have given the old people some hope of reju-
venation in the near future.

On the morning of our departure he received three
anonymous and threatening letters, which made him
more determined than ever !

"I will not be intimidated!" he stormed. "I'm
going home, even if it's my corpse that has to be taken

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300 THE GLAND STEALERS

on board. They'd merely be killing the goose that lays
the golden eggs "

" Or glandsl " I observed.

" You have a dry wit, George! "

^* Twelve months in this tropical heat would niake
anyone dry. It's worse than being in America."

Sally lodced perturbed.

" You don't think they're serious, Charles, do you ? "
she asked, timorou$ly.

" They haven't the guts! " he commented, vulgarly.
" If they had, they'd go gorilla-hunting themselves. I've
offered to place the whole of our machinery at their dis-
posal. But no— they want waiting on hand and foot,
like babies. When I think of the money and time I've
wasted— Pah! '*

There and then he called a meeting in the gym-
nasium, swore at the whole assembly, and ended by
saying that they could either came back with us, or stay
and moulder where they were.

Demoralized and shaken by the storm of Gran'pa's
passion, they permitted themselves to be driven like
sheep to the slaughter, and that afternoon we set out for
England once again.

Gran'pa refused to allow any of us to return to " The
Pilgrim Father " by 'plane. Fidl of feeble excuses about
the lack of petrol, the disadvantages of carrying un-
necessary cargo, and the waste of time, he told Oakley
and Newland to fly their machines straight to Corisco,
at which spot we were touching on the way home. As
if deeply resentful of our presence, he went with them.
So did Molly — ^to whom all things were still possible.
The remainder of us proceeded to the coast by train.

It was a tedious and abominable journey, and when

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 301

we at last boarded '* The Pilgrim Father/' I am certain
that there was not a man who wasn't thankful to shake
the dust of Africa off his feet for ever.

Little Jonathan Abbott was hilarious with joy the
instant we got on deck, and was so eager to view the
convalescent gorillas that I shouldn't have been surprised
to see him embrace them.

'' Poor, dtmib brutes t " he murmured, gazing
through the bars of the great cage.

"' Not so much of the dumb ! " I warned him, as one
of the huge males inflated its chest, preparatory to a
deafening roar.

As I expected, the noise nearly scared the onlookers
out of their lives. Until this moment none of them had
guessed the fund of animal fury and power on which
those innocent lodcing glands had thriven.

"Imagine meeting that fellow in the open," said
Dr. Croft. " It could tear any one of you into shreds in
half a minute."

A glance at their faces showed me that the old people
did not doubt the statement. They were very quiet and
timid looking. Fear of wild gorillas (and respect for
their captors) had already produced a great change in
their demeanor. They behaved as children who have
been intimidated by weird stories of the '* bogie-man."
In the presence of such terrifying forces they became
quite plastic and obedient— until the thrilling moment
when two of the males flung themselves at the bars.
Panic-stricken, the old men stampeded up to the deck.

" It's done them good," said Croft.

I cordially agreed with him, and prophesied a quiet,
homely voyage back.

But I was mistaken. South of the Gaboon, we lib-
erated the gorillas on a lonely shore which was backed

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302 THE GLAND STEALERS

by dense woodland, and a few hours later the trouble
broke out anew. The unrejuvenated began pestering us
like a large family of greedy children.

Couldn't we all stay at Corisco awhile and capture a
few more gorillas? FaiUng that, what about chim*
panzees, or even the smaller monkeys?

" You'd better discuss the matter with my g^rand-
father/' I suggested.

'* Can't you persuade him? " asked the ring-leader.

" I'll certainly do my best," I prevaricated. " But
you know what he is. ... "

As we drew nearer to Corisco they grew more and
more importtmate, until at last Croft and I could stand
the worry no longer. We developed sudden sickness
and hid ourselves in our cabin.

Naturally, it was hard on Stringer. Being the only
member of our party left on deck, he was nearly mobbed,
but, with the aid of a little mental magnetism, and his
great fund of good-natured patience, he pulled through.
He made the suggestion — possibly a hypnotic one — that
the old people should form a sub-committee, appoint a
chairman, and draw up a definite scheme of action.
They could ask Gran'pa to join them as leader on an-
other gorilla hunt. If he refused the honor, they would
then have to carry the thing through themselves.

All this Stringer afterwards told Croft and me as
we sat in our sick chamber — ^where I had just lost
twenty-five shillings at double dtunmy bridge.

" Have they done as you suggested? " asked Croft.

" Yes ! Forty-nine of them have decided to stc^ at
Corisco. The other nine are returning to England."

" Good! " I said. " Now we know where we are."

Never for one moment did I think that Gran'pa
would stay and help those old people. It was grossly sel-

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 303

fish to ask a man who had aheady gone through so much
for their sakes to give up his well earned rest, to face
hardships and dangers again, and to postpone his mar-
riage with the woman he loved. But old men are
always selfish*

When we landed at G)risco» the chairman of the sub-
committee immediately sought out Gran'pa, and took
him away to some secret place of concourse.

No one knows what the chairman said or did, or
what prevented Gran'pa's being his normal, dominating
self. If ever the full story of those later days comes to be
written this will still remain one of the unsolved riddles
of his existence. He was always an impulsive man; but
what followed that interiew was downright reckless-
ness, folly, idiocy.

" George," he said, " Fve decided to stay on here for
another season's gorilla hunting."

" You're mad I " I exclaimed.

** All actions worth while appear stupid to the timid
and cautious," he replied, smoothly and pompously.

'' I won't quibble with you. All I want to know is
why are you doing it? WHY ?...."

** It's a kink in me, George. The glamour of Corisco
— the joy of the chase — ^the dangers and excitements —
the BIGNESS of it all, compared with the quiet,
suburban respectability awaiting me in England or even
America .... I want to live — ^while Fm still alive. I want
the candle to bum not only at both ends, but brilliantly.
As Kipling has it, let me ' fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds' worth of distance run.' I must live.
To vegetate would be to annihilate myself. I should —
burst!. . * .Let me die with my boots on, George! "

His eyes shone, his face glowed, his whole body was

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304 THE GLAND STEALERS

vibrant with emotion. I was carried away in spite of
myself. It to6k me several minutes to recover.

When I did, it was only to bow to the inevitable.
Gran'pa's determination was like granite. Unmoved by
the storm of entreaties hurled at him by Sally and me,
he began making his plans at once.

Moreover, he drew to his aid other adventurous
spirits. Stringer, Croft, Oakley and Newland all turned
their backs on England. It was like an upheaval in a
Govenunent. Sally and I were deserted by even our best
friends. We were dethroned. Our cmly consolation
was that we were not quite alone.

With us, returned Molly and twenty-one rejuvenated
old men, and — terrible anti-climax — ^nine cowardly octo-
genarians who were afraid to stay at Corisco and take
their chance of again tasting the joys of new
found youth.

It was a sad farewell. Molly lodced more miserable
than I had ever seen her. Sally was pale, red-eyed — ^but
proudly defiant. Dr. Croft was quietly reproachful.
Stringer was wistful and Old-Billish in the extreme*
Gran'pa's expression was one of tragic majesty — a
Napoleon giving up his Josephine — a martyr suffering
for a great cause.

His nobility made me feel what a wretched worm I
was. How happy I should have been to have stayed with
them all in Corisco— the Beautiful! How I repented
that rash promise which I had made to Sally I

As the anchor was weighed I went below, unable to
take a farewell glance at the island. I was afraid of
myself. A call from Gran'pa and I believe that I should
have gone overboard and swum to the land. It was a
moment when one must do everything—- or nothing!

The engines throbbed and a distant cheer came from

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 305

the receding shore. So great was my agony that I
actually groaned.

For over an hour I remained below struggling with
my emotions, and it was not until we had lost sight of
land that I began to recover.

Merciful night drew her curtain at last ; one by one
the old men crept yawning to their bunks. Dead tired, I,
too, sought solace in sleep. But even this was denied me.

In the early hours of the morning a terrific stprm
arose and the ship rolled and lurched through the water
like a drunken animal. To add to my misery, I was
horribly sick.

Perhaps it was as well. It helped me to forget.

For nearly two days I cared little what had happened
or what might happen. Then came a sudden calm and,
with it, the sense of peaceful recovery after a
great illness.

Slowly and shakily, we emerged on deck, where,
chastened by sickness and grief, Sally, Molly and I
sought comfort in one another's company. We even
went so far as to avoid the other passengers ; many of
them reminded us so much of Gran'pa, and his cheerful
boisterous way.

Gradually the woimds began to heal and we found
ourselves looking forward to our arrival in England.
Much would have happened during our absence abroad.
Industrial unrest, high prices, the housing problem, over-
crowded trains, bad plays, and poor books might have all
vanished by now. In fact, we might find that the old
country was really worth living in, after all ... .

After this enlivening anticipation, the days seemed
to pass more rapidly than ever, and when " The Pilgrim
Father" at last dropped anchor in Portsmouth Harbor I
cotild hardly restrain my joy.
20

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3q6 the gland stealers

The scene which fate had so kindly set for our
arrival home was magnificent. The docks were aUve
with activity, tugs were hooting, busy little boats were
moving hither and thither over the csdm surface of the
water, a huge liner was stealing out to sea, and over all
shone the warm and beneficent sun.

We bade farewell to those who were not joumejnog
with us, left them aboard the ship, and caught the first
train to town.

After the bleak and sandy shores of West Africa, the
dense jungles, the swamps, the wide rivers, the huge
strangely-tinted mountains, and that air of dark mystery
and barbarism which enveloped the whole country of the
gorilla, it was a wonderful contrast to gaze once again
on the garden-like compactness of England, with its
atmosphere of cultured peace and security.

Never was a train journey more soothing and swift
and comfortable. It was a credit to any railway company.

In London, Sally and Molly and I said good-by to
tbe rest of the party, after inviting a few of the pleas-
anter members of the club to pay us a visit at Richmond.
Then we had dinner, listened awhile to some of the
latest songs and music, and finally found ourselves in
the crowded streets again.

It was theatre-time, and tired as we were, the tempta-
tion for amusement was great. But we resisted it and
strolled part of the way homt instead.

Sally, who had proved that she was a connoisseur in
both food and wine, was in a meditative and affecticMiate
mood. She took my arm, while Molly walked on ahead.

At Charing Cross, I heard a cry which sent the blood
rushing to my head. I felt naked and almost ashamed.
It was as if every eye in London was on me. Hastily
and doubtfully, I bought an evening paper, dr^w Sally

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 307

and Molly aside, and sought out this latest and fleetest
example of modem journalism.
It ran as follows :—

TWENTY-ONE OLD MEN MADE YOUNG

A STRANGE VOYAGE

MONKEY-GLAND QUEST

We have just received exclusive news of one
of the most startling voyages of discovery ever made
by man.

Over eighteen months ago there set scnl from
England between eighty and ninety old men in
search of gorilla glands in Western Africa. ...

" We'll read it on the way back to Richmond," I
said hurriedly. " This is treachery. In spite of their
promises, one of the old men has given us away. Let's
get a taxi before someone recognizes us.''

Shall I ever forget that night?

We arrived home at ten o'clock, thrust our way
through a little knot of enterprising journalists who had
discovered my address, hammered at the door, and
tumbled in on a half-prostrate Nanny.

" Go away ! " I cried to the swarm of news-seekers,
and I slammed the door in their faces, took off my hat
and gripped Nanny by the hand.

She was dtmif ounded at the change in Sally, but as
soon as she had recovered her faculties, conuneqiced
ministering to us and mothering us as of old.

Never was home more welcome to any man than it
was to me that night. Nanny unearthed Molly's best
sittc pajamas, lent Sally one of her own nightdresses.

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3o8 THE GLAND STEALERS

prepared our rooms, and even coaxed us to eat and
drink. Then she sat and watched us, too full of joy
to speak.

Bed, at last— cool and sweet and restful. Then
sleep— and finally the morrow.

It was a day packed with excitement — ^not the least
of which was getting rid of those importunate jour-
nalists, to whom I refused all information. I told them
to go to— Corisco; gave them Gran'pa's address; and
wished them a pleasant voyage.

Time sped by on wings. Weeks passed. Like a girl
with a new frock, Sally displayed her youth to her
friends — ^timidly at first, and then with a sort of reck-
less abandon. Her vivacity and enthusiasm made
Gran'pa's initial exploits seem puerile and lukewarm.
The illustrated papers clamored for her portrait and she
even had several offers to go on the stage " for big
money,'* as one man with a thick voice and a thicker
waist put it.

But she kept her head throughout and never forgot
the dignity of her position as a pioneer in real feminine
rejuvenation. Finally, after one of the happiest months
in my life, she decided to return to her fiat in Maida
Vale.

Giving her time to get straight, t called one
afternoon.

" I'm so pleased to see you, George," she said; but
she seemed to be a little depressed.

" You look worried," I replied.

" I'm quite all right really! It's just a

headache. . . ."

I knew that this was not wholly true.

" Won't you confide in me ? " I asked.

"It's " she hesitated.

Then she said suddenly:

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 309

"Fm hurt, George, and yet — in some ways, I'm
relieved. ..."

"What is it, Sally?"

" Your grandfather has written asking me to release
him from our engagement ! "

" Impossible I. . .What's the reason? " I stammered.

" He says that he doesn't think we're suited to one
another. And he wants to be free." She paused, and
added, rather quaintly : " He seems to think that there
aren't enough adventures in England."

" The old fool ! " I exclaimed.

" You mustn't say that ! "

"Of course you'll release him. He isn't worthy
of you."

" I owe ever3rthing to him, George," she said in a
loiy voice.

" Didn't Croft and Stringer— and I, help? "

She looked at me tenderly and gravely.

" Can I ever forget it? You've all been — splendid!"

For awhile neither of us spoke.

Then I said again.

" Give him his wretched freedom, Sally! "

"I.... have!"

"When?'*

"Yesterday."

Another silence.

" Do you regret it? " I asked.

"No-o! He was too impulsive — too eager — and
reckless. And so very youthf id .... I should never have
been really happy with him." She hesitated; and then,
with a little shrug of her shoulders, she astonished me
by adding:

** I can't delude myself any longer, George. I'm an
old woman — really old! "

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3IO THE GLAND STEALERS

What could I say? I looked at her more dosely and,
although she was sitting with her back to the light, I
saw that she was indeed speaking the sorrowful truth.
Even during the few weeks which had elapsed since her
leaving Richmond, she had aged considerably. Littk
wrinkles were creeping back to their natural strong-
holds round the eyes and mouth. Her hair was losing
its lustre; her voice its depth; her neck its roundness.
When I had first entered the room I had been so sur-
prised and disgusted at the news of Gran'pa's latest folly
that I had not noticed the change in Sally. But now it
was pathetically evident.

Youth was going — going — almost gqnt

'' You're just tired and depressed/' I said, at last,
trying to lie, even to myself. " It will soai pass off,
and then. . . ."

"No, George! It will get gradually worse —

until I'm old again, and. . . .back where I started. ..."

"But Gran'pa?" I stammered. "He's still

young!"

"He's an exception," she answered, with astonishing
calmness. " I felt it all along. That is why I hesitated
so at the very first. It's not the glands which have
made such a difference to him, but his faith — the sort of
wonderful faith that moves mountains, George. He's
been like that all his life — an American, through and
through. Everything he put his hand to— and believed
in — ^he accomplished. I'm sure that anything is possible
if only one has real faith "

"I haven't got it!" she added, wistfully. "I've
always been shrinking back from things — afraid of any-
thing new. Perhaps that it why I never married. . . .
When your grandfather came, after all those years, still
full of fire. ... I was carried away. I tried, oh, so hard,

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 3"

to believe in him, and in myself. But Tve fowid that it
is too late to alter my dispositicm. I haven't the faith.
Fra still shrinking — doubtful — timid. ..."

It was a pitiful confession.

Outside, the evening was drawing in, and gray,
shroud-like shadows stole into the room. I did not like
leaving her.

"Come back to Richmond with me,'' I suggested.
"Molly will soon pull you round You're brood-
ing here."

" No ! " she said. " I'm not unhappy. It's just the
. . . .sudden change. In a short time I shall be my old
self again. Don't think me ungrateftil, George, but the
last twelve months have not been natural. I don't seem
to have had a moment's rest. All the bustle and hurry
have unnerved me. I feel more contented, now that it
is over and done with. ..."

She must have seen that I doubted her last statement,
for she placed a hand on my arm and said :

** Yotmg people can never understand that it's no
hardship to be old — ^if one is still well. It all happens so
gradually. Nature is kind. It is only her children who
make life so difficult ! "

Her philosophy astounded me. It even converted
me. I felt that Ally's view was right, and Gran'pa's
wrong. The one was art; the other vandalism. Why
had we tried to patch up and renovate Nature's old
masterpieces? Not because we sought artistic improve-
mettt but merely because we were eager to show our own
cleverness. Gran'pa's whole attitude was : " Look what
I've done!" Unfortunately, I, too, had adopted the
pose, and Sally's youthfulness had temporarily capti-
vated me solely because it was the living proof of a
marvellous achievement (by us.)

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312 THE GLAND STEALERS

Sally rejuvenated was impossible, absurd. But Sally
as a gracious, white-haired old lady was lovable — sl work
of art, hallowed and moulded and softened by the hand
of Time. To tamper with such a masterpiece was sacri-
legious, profane.

Thus did this sudden relapse present itself to me, and
I eventually returned home feeling much as a man must
feel when he has become converted to a new religion. I
saw old age not as a tragedy or curse, but as a sort of
blissful and holy peace. It was the quiet pleasure of re-
laxation after effort, accomplishment after strife.

And yet I could not dispel my curiosity as to the
condition of the others who had been rejuvenated. Were
they also slipping back to old age? Or had some of
them that wonderful, Gran'pa-like faith which was
capable of moving mountains — ^and finding thereunder
the springs of perpetual youth?

Unable to resist the temptation, I telephoned
through to one of the club's members — a bucolic-looking
retired colonel who had greatly annoyed me on the
voyage home by his frequent assertions of physical
well-being.

" Well ? " I inquired. " How are things ? "

" Fine Fine! " he barked, as if on parade.

I heard him smite himself on the chest, or make some
queer noise which sounded very like it. Then there was
a peculiar metallic click followed by the confused sound
of distant voices and an uncanny silence as I was sud-
denly cut off.

I got through again, however, and heard the terrible
news that the poor old fellow had dropped dead !

Shaken and scared by such a disaster, I was far too
afraid to make inquiries of any of the other old people
that night.

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SALLY SLIPS BACK 313

Was it an omen ? Was it the beginning of the end —
or, at any rate, of the slow march back to a natural and
respectable old age?

To the eternal shame of modem science in general,
and of our expedition in particular, I regret to say that
it was.

Old age did not creep stealthily upon them, as
Nature normally arranged; it overtook them by leaps
and bounds. Wrinkles appeared on the old people
almost as swiftly as the rash of a dises^. They went
to bed at night and woke up next morning a year, or even
two years older. In spite of their youthful posings and
their ejaculations of : " Great! " " Never felt better I "
" Fine I " they began doddering once more. After all
the excitement and promise of the last twelve months,
they had merely returned to England, home, and
— ^bath-chairs.

It would be hypocritical of me to say that it was
pathetic, for, logically considered, it was but the fulfil-
ment of the law of all life — ^the wisely ordained destiny
of man, and animal, and even vegetable. In time, I my-
self would bow to this great and inflexible law — as
unflinchingly and cahnly as my ancestors. Why, then,
should I feel sorry for these people?

I wrote to Gran'pa and told him that one of the old
men had died, and that the remainder had practically
returned to the point whence they had started. I re-
quested him to come home, lest evil befell him out there
in the wilds. I drew a picture of Sally — ^happy and
gracious and beautiful again — and of the many com-
forts and joys of civilization, compared with the hard-
ships and dangers of gorilla hunting in the Dark
Continent.

But he refused to be cajoled.

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'314 THE GLAND STEALERS

" Not a day older since you left," he wrote, in the

same jerky way as he talked " Not even a minate !

What Sally says about faith is perhaps right I don't
know — and I don't care, I'm still youthful, whatever

the cause Caught ten more gorillas up to date; but

afraid the old boys here may lose heart and refuse to be
grafted if the bad news percolated through to them. I
rely on your keeping silent. . • .Don't kill yourself with
worry. Your *old' Gran'pa is still going strong; so

you've no need for sleepless nights, laddie!

England's top slow for me. The first twelve mcmths
there put ten years on my age. Except for the glands
I'm positive that another twelve months would have
killed me. Can you wonder at my being in no violent
hurry to return? " And so on.

That is Gi:an'pa's point of view — at present.

This is mine. I am young (in the true sense of the
word) . I can afford to be patient. The dug-out in the
garden has been filled in again. Gran'pa's clothes have
been carefully brushed and put away — ^with a good sup-
ply of "moth balls.''

Btit his arm-chair is still by the fireside — waiting.
He cannot resist its call — and mine — forever. Time is
on our side.

Time will win.

THB END

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