The grace of God magnified ..

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.

* 'r^t--'' -i-, "

i UNITED STATES OP AMERICA, t

THE

aRA.CE OF GOD

MAGNIFIED:

AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT

7

By H. E. TALIAFERRO,

JUNIOR EDITOR OF THE S. W. BAPTIST, TUSKEGEE, ALA.

By the grace of God I am what I am-"— Paul.

CHARLESTON:
OUTHBEN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETY;

No. 229 King.Btreet*

1857.

IMSHIH^

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Entered according to x4ct of Congress, in the year 1857,

BY THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETT,

In the Clerk's Office of the Distrit Court of South*
Carolina.

CHARLESTON:
fAHES AND WILLIAMS, PRINTERS,
16 STATE STREET.

PREFACE.

The precious work of grace in my isoul, wrouglit by
the Holy Spirit, and detailed in the following pages,
was completed in June, 1851. Up to this time, I have
related it to but few persons. I purposely concealed it,
*' lest any man should think of me above that which he
seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me." But the fe v
to whom I have ventured to detail it, uniformly sug-
gested its publication in some form. The passage,
*' When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren,"
was often suggested as a reason; but no permanent im-
pression was made on my mind to give it publicity, till
May 185G, when I mentioned the subject to a friend,
whose judgment I greatly respect, in a letter. He res-
ponded, '' Write it out, by all means; — publish it. It
will do good to souls, and lead to a deeper tone of piety."

Prompted by such encouragement, and influenced by
the motives presented in this extract, I commenced the
narrative; aud at intervals, from pressing engagements,
have completed it; and now I present it to God's people,
hoping it may aid them in their pilgrimage. It claims
no literary merit; of its defects in that regard, I am ful-
ly aware. I have written it plainly, for all classes. The
letters which I wrote during the time of my conflict,
were not expected to be seen by any, but those to whom

IV PREFACE,

they were addressed. I have introduced them into these
pages, with but little verbal alteration. I wished them
to show the feelings of my heart at the time. The friend
before alluded to, advised me in regard to the letters —
" Let every word stay as you wrote it; for the thoughts
came out as you felt them.^^ I now give this imperfect
work into the hands of Him who wrought 'perfect zvork in
my soul; and may He dispose of it as seemeth good iu
His sight.

H. E. T.
Tusliiegee, Ala., Jan. Ist, 1857,

INTRODUCTION.

" Grace Magnified." I have just turned over the last
leaf of this narrative, of a deeper work of grace on a
believer's heart. I will not call it engaging ; lest the
natural fondness for what is simply easy and pleasant,
may lead the reader to expect entertainment in it. Yet, if
the reader be one whose heart the Lord has touched,
this narrative will be so far engaging, that having once
taken it up, he will not spontaneously lay it down until
he has finished its continuous and anxious perusal; and
the subject will have left such an impression on his
mind, that he will be engaged to pray and labor all the
residue of life, that grace may be so magnified also in
himself.

There is a tendency in man, not peculiar to one age,
to be superficial in religion — to heal the hurt slightly,
*' saying peace, peace ", when there is no peace.'' While
we have reason to expect that in the advanced gospel
times, abounding in knowledge and the fruits of the
Holy Spirit, the Redeemer will make a '' short tvork'' in
the earth — it may be seriously inquired whether there are
not tendencies to abbreviation and slightness sufficient
to make the profesed subjection of some to the gospel
of Christ fall short of true regeneration. When it does

VI INTRODUCTION.

occur, it is a fearful evil in the church of Christ; eluding
and scorning a cure.

Since the excellence of true religion is known and ad-
mitted, it is not wonderful that there should be many
imperfect and inadequate presentations of it. There will
be those who will form their ideas of a soldier by seeing
a uniform company in dress-parade on a May morning;
or of the qualities necessary for an ancient eastern
shepherd, (1 Sam. xvii. 34-36.) by the romantic image of
ruddy-faced youths playing on instruments under the
shade, while their flocks are quietly feeding near them.

Quite as erroneously, and far more fatally, do many
form ideas of religion. Without conviction at heart of
sin, in its deep depravity and vileness, they have no
travail, no struggles, no self-loathing, no utter abase-
ment and self renunciation, no lying infinitely low be-
fore God. Having no just conceptions of the eternal
rectitude of God's law, its spirituality and extent — they
see no aptness, nor any necessity, in that vast expendi-
ture of redemption — '"God was manifest in the flesh,"
etc. 1 Tim. iii. 16. The conception they have of their
case relatively to God, requires no such combination of
majesty and grace, of sovereignty and condescension, as
are seen in Christ — making Him the chiefest of ten
thousand, and altogether lovely. They never have been
slain by the law; and the gospel is received as a cold
intellectuality, not as a life-giving influence. They look
on Christ as an amiable exemplar, in relation to social
life; but have no relish for that great, high, holy gentle-
ness in which he bears our sins and carries our sorrows ^
and makes reconcilement of our great quarrel with our

INTRODUCTION. VII

Maker. Such delight as they take in religion is more a
self-righteous complacency in their own exercises, than
a profound, serene, adoring satisfaction in the great
facts of the gospel. If they can but conceive well of
their own personal share in the favor of God, they stop
short of that generous and higher satisfaction reserved
for those w^ho see such a beauty and glory in the person
of Christ, and in the methods of mercy, as scarcely to
admit the necessity of asking for their own personal in-
terest in them. Satisfied with slender evidences of
amendment, and of the undefined presence of some
better thoughts and purposes, they do not struggle on,
through the demands and clamors of God's perfect law,
to plant themselves on the infinite satisfaction rendered
by Christ — their "wisdom, their righteousness, their sanc-
tification, their redemption." They know nothing of that
deep and settled security in Christ, which those feel
who "take hold of God-s covenant," who know nothing
but Jesus Christ and Him crucified, and who, thus found
in Him, receive a righteousness as theirs, not less per-
fect than His — in all its amplitude and completeness.
They conceive of themselves as having not much forgiven^
and they love not much. The blessedness of simple duty,
and service; of doing what is meet and right to be done
agreeably to the holy mind of God, they but faintly
conceive of, and never realize.

Now, not to speak of the dmirjer of such, it is obvious
that they fall far below their privileges in Christ. The
narrative before us is specially interesting, as showing,
in a recent instance, what is attainable. This it does
without superstition or fanaticism. It lays claim to no

Vlll INTRODUCTION.

new revelation, but leads us safely on in the footsteps
of the faith of the Bible saints, who have finished their
course with joy. It has no alliance to the pretended re-
vealments of an effete spiritualism. The word of God, in
its plain and sober interpretation, is here shown, invest-
ed with its appropriate living efiQcacy, leading a soul to
Christ; in whom believing, though now he sees him not,
he rejoices with a joy unspeakable and full of glory.

If this be the proper effect of believing all God^s word,
why should not all feel it? Christ may well ask now, as
formerly—'' Do ye now believe?" But I will not de-
tain the reader further from the perusal of the narative,
*' Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions
hearken to thy voice: Cause me to hear it .'"

B. MANLY.

Charleston, S. C, Jan. 23, 1857.

■

THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED,

In November, 1831, through faith, God re-
vealed his Son to me, a poor sinner. I was
happy in the Lord Jesus, and rejoiced in the
God of'my salvation. Prompted by duty and
gratitude, I united with his people, and was
baptized in the month following. I commenced
in a feeble way to exercise a gift, which my
ascended and glorified Master had given me,
in the Spring of 1832. And from that day to
this, I have been, according to the Grace of
God given unto me, testifying to saint and
sinner, '* the gospel of the Grace of God."

But, reader, it is not my intention in this
narrative, to give you an account of my tra-
vel, trials, conflicts, joys and pleasures from
the day of my new creation to the present
hour; but to give you a plain and truthful ac-
count of the grace of God bestowed on me,
after many years. In 1851, God in mercy and

10 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

grace, wrought a work in my heart, wliich
''my soul hath still iu remembrance and is
humbled in me."

In a few days after the Divine Spirit, whose
right it is, took of the things of Christ and
showed them unto me, I was violently assault-
ed with doubts and fears as to my acceptance
with God; which annoyed me greatly till I
was relieved by other manifestations of my
acceptance in the Beloved. But my untiring
Adversary never forsook me long at a time;
and I was harassed with perplexing doubts
and fears and sceptical suggestions for up-
wards of twenty years. True — during this
long period I had seasons of precious enjoy-
ment, and often wondered why I so needless-
ly doubted my Saviour's love to me, and my
union with him through faith. But "the clouds
would soon return after the rain'' — clouds of
darkness, gloom and horror — that unfitted me
fur the effective discharge of my ministerial
duties, and destroyed my enjoyment as a
Christian. Instead of obeying the command,
''Comfort ye, comfort ye, my people," I needed
some "son of consolation" to "strengthen my
weaks hands and to confirm my feeble knees;"

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGi^IFIED. 11

to say to my ''fearful heart, be strong, fear
not."

In 1848 my fears were greatly aroused by
reading a sketch of a sermon by Andrew Ful-
ler, at the ordination of a minister of the gos-
pel. Mr. Fuller was insisting upon the ne-
cessity of personal piety and spirituality in
the minister, as essential to his happiness as
a Christian, his success as a minister of Jesus,
and to his everlasting salvation. As the pa-
ragraph is not long, I will transcribe it.

*'A remark which I once heard from the
lips of that great and good man, the late Mr.
Abraham Booth, has often recurred to my re-
collection. 'I fear/ said he, 'there will be found
a larger proportion of wicked ministers than
of any other order of professing Christians.'
It did not occur to me at the time, nor has it
ever appeared since, that this remark proceed-
ed from a want of charity, but rather from a
deep knowledge of the nature of Christianity,
and an impartial knowledge of men and things.
It behoves us, not only as professing Chris-
tians, but as ministers, 'to examine ourselves,
whether we be in the faith.' It certainly is
possible, after we have preached to others,
that we should he cast away I I believe it is

12 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

very common for the personal religion of a
minister to be taken for granted, and this
may prove a temptation for him to take it for*
granted too. Ministers being wholly devoted
to the service of God, are supposed to have
considerable advantages for spiritual improve-
ment. These they certainly have; and, if
their minds be spiritual, they may be expected
to make greater proficiency in the divine life
than their brethren. But it should be re-
membered that, if they are not spiritual, those
things which would otherwise prove a help
will prove a hindrance. If we study divine
subjects merely as ministers^ they will produce
no salutary efiect. We may converse with
the most impressive truths, as soldiers and
surgeons do with blood, till they cease to
make any impression upon us. We must me-
ditate upon these things as Christians^ first
feeding our own souls upon them, and then
imparting that which we have believed and
felt to others; or, w^hatever good we may do
them, v/e shall receive none ourselves. Unless
we mix faith with what we preach as well as
what we hear, the word will not profit us. It
may be on these accounts that ministers,

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 13

while employed in watching over others, are
BO solemnly warned against neglecting them-
selves : ' Take heed unto yourselves^ and to all
the flock etc' ' Take heed unto thyself, and
unto the doctrine; continue in them, for in
doing this thou shalt both save thyself and
them that hear thee.' "

In reading the foregoing, the thought that
so overwhelmed me was this: I saw that I had
up to that time, studied the Bible too much
as a professional man does his books, to learn
what to say and do to others; and not as a
Christian should, to digest its truths, imbibe
its spirit, and apply them first to myself. This
I saw had been the great error of my minis-
terial and Christian life; and it had never
occurred to me before. The suddenness of the
the discovery and the awfulness of the prob-
ability that, upon a close examination, I might
find myself an unconverted man, filled me with
confusion and alarm. My conscience re-
proached me sorely for my past neglect in a
matter so obvious. I saw that I had been
diligent in cultivating the vineyards of others,
but had given mine own to the rank growth
of briars and thorns, *'which is rejected and
2

14 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be
burned."

1 immediately betook myself to beart-search-
ing examination and prayer. I also read the
word of God with a quickened interest, and
allowed it to speak with its mighty energy to
ony own heart. The result in a short time was
painful. My views of the depri^vity and sin-
fulness of my heart and nature were greatly
enlarged; and the striking contrast between
my impurity and the purity of the divine
character covered me with shame and self-
abhorrence. Added to this, were the stringent
demands of the holy law of God which I could
not meet, and which greatly increased my
perturbation of soul. In the contemplation of
these things, I lost sight of Christ as my
sacrifice for sin, and the Mediator betwixt a
holy God and my poor depressed soul. One
look at him by faith would have relieved me;
but it seemed to be the pleasure of God that
I should be sifted, as I now hope, for the bene-
fit of his dear children.

For some time *'my tears were my meat day
and night," and I kept up the importunate and
anxious inquiry with my soul, **Where is thy

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 15

God?'' In this- state of mind, and in this
course of conduct, I continued for some time,
discharging my duties as a minister of the
holy Jesus with great fear and trembling, oc-
casionally experiencing a little light and coin-
fort through the exercise of a weak faith in
the Lord Jesus, until with great caution and
secresy I laid my case fully and frankly before
an able, pious and experienced minister of the
gospel for his opinion and advice. He, in a
candid and faithful manner instructed me, and
pointed me to Christ, his sacrifice for my sins,
his righteousness for my clothing, his media-
tion as the basis of my acceptance with God,
the Father, and to the Holy Spirit as my
Banctifier. This he did so eloquently and
clearly, that my faith laid hold of it, and I
was comforted for some time.

But I relapsed again: My doubts and fears
returned with increased numbers, and with a
more terrible energy. The increased know-
ledge I had obtained of the holy character of
God, by a prayerful investigation of his word;
and the deeper insight which it gave me of
the sinfulness and depravity of my heart,
when contrasted, greatly increased my fear

16 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

and anxiety of soul. Added to this, was the
alarming thought of an unconverted man
being a minister of the gospel — an unholy
man ministering in holy things! The fearful
doom of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, and of
Nadab and Abihu, sons of Aaron, loomed up
before me in all its terribleness. I read it and
re-read it. So concerned was I upon the sub-
ject, that I examined many commentators to
get their views, and among the number, Scott;
and when I read the frank confession which
he took occasion to make, of entering the
ministry in an unconverted state, knowingly,
my mind was by no means relieved. As it is
a link in the chain of my narrative; and as it
displays the mercy and grace of God in a
most striking manner, I will transcribe it
also:

*'One dreadful effect of this depravity
(speaking of the depravity of heart that in-
fluences some men to enter the sacred ministry
without being converted or called to the work
by the Holy Spirit) is the daring presumption,
with which numbers intrude into the sacred
ministry, from the base motives of covetous-
ness and ambition, and love of ease or in-

THE GBACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 'T

dulgence, without any suitable disposition,
without any love for the work, or delight in it,
any zeal for the honor of God, or any deep
compassion for the souls of perishing sinners.
Yet will such men dare to say, in the most
solemn manner before God and his congrega-
tion, that they judge themselves ^moved by
the Holy Ghost to take this work upon them-/
they are not only conscious of hypocrisy in
this declaration, but deride the very inquiry
as enthusiasm. Of such conduct the author
himself was guilty; and, to the end of his
days, would he be abased before God on ac-
count of it; and admire and adore the patience
and loving kindness of the Lord, that, instead
of being visited after the manner of Korah, it
pleased God to give him repentance and for-
giveness; and to employ him in the work of
the ministry, wiiji some small degree of use-
fulness; %r where sin abounded, grace hath
much more abounded.' And he mentions this
bumilitating subject, not only that the pious
reader may bless God in his behalf; but that
he may hope and pray earnestly and constantly
for others, -who lie under the same guilt,
that they may experience the same grace. —

18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

'For our God hath mercy on whgm he will
have mercy.' ^'

While I did not regard my case as analo-
gous to that of Mr. Scott's — for I joined the
Church of Christ prompted by pure motives,
and entered the ministry from the same pure
influences — yet I may not he a converted man , vras
the thought which tormented me day and
night. To be lost atjast as a professor; aud
after having preached to others the gospel of
Christ, to be deceived, and ^' be cast away"
as a preacher, these were my troubles. Thus
I continued with occasional gleams'* of light
and hope till the winter of 1850-51, when
my distress of mind became almost insup-
portable. The more I examined my heart in
the light of the holy law of God, the plainer
my innate depravity appeared; and the more
I examined the character of God as revealed
in his word, the plainer my unfitness to ap-
pear before him in a perfect righteousness was
manifested. In the contrast, the disparity
was overwhelming to my soul. I had such
clear views of the holiness and justice of God
and such deep views of the depravity of my

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19

heart and the sinfulness of my nature, that I
often uttered, in deep anguish, Job's inquiry,
*'How shall a man be just with God?''

In this state of mind I would often go into
the pulpit, and feel that I should be preached
to, instead of preaching to others; and that I
was " the chief of sinners" in the congrega-
tion. I did not feel guilty of having commit-
ted those overt acts of wickedness condemned
by the word of God, and the common con-
science of mankind; for such things I greatly
abhorred, and my awakened and trembling
conscience would not allow me to connive at
them. But my thoughts were wicked, and
my imagination and whole being I regarded
as corrupt before a holy God. As I have
stated, often did I preach in this gloomy, des-
pairing state of mind; sometimes in pointing
sinners to Christ, I would lose sight of my
vile, sinful self, and look at him whom I was
commending to others, and thus be relieved
and quite happy. But as soon as I would sit
down, the pall of darkness would fall upon
me with increased weight, not unfrequently
with the horrid temptation, that there was no
reality in the doctrine I had preached. Often

20 AS EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

was my vanity approached by the suggestion,
that I would better spend my time and devote
my talents and energies to some pursuit in
in which there was a reality^ in which there
were honor and profit. It was further sug-
gested that it would be well to let my mem-
bership remain in a Christian Church as I was
already there, inasmuch as morality was a good
thing any way; and i/ there was any futurity,
it would be decidedly best to pursue that
course. But such thoughts were so horrid to
my soul, that I expelled them as soon as pos-
sible.

I would at times unbosom myself to judicious
Christian people, but they could give me no
comfort; for they never seemed to think that
I was serious upon the subject. As I was a
preacher, they took it for granted that I must
be a Christian, and of course that my doubts
must be unreasonable. And when I would
mention the subject to preachers, they would
either chide me for my unbelief or confound
me with reasoning. Still, these things brought
no solid comfort to my soul. When I prayed,
it was, in my estimation, as a poor, polluted,
guilty sinner approaching a holy God, and I

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 21

felt that I should not be heard. A full and
clear view of Christ was still concealed from
me.

In the year 1851, I served two churches as
pastor. I commenced my year's labor with
the feelings above described. But a crisis
had arrived in my religious history. Some-
thing must be done. The intolerable burden,
I could bear no longer. My happiness and use-
fulness as a Christian, (if I was one) and as
a minister of Christ, were involved in the set-
tlement of the question; am I a Christianl
I resolved, by the help of God, to settle that
hitherto perplexing question; and while the
investigation was going on, I determined
never to mention it to a human being, lest
they should administer comfort to me, when I
was not entitled to it. I saw that it was a
matter pending between God and my own
soul, and we were the parties to settle it.
But, before I commenced the investigation, as
I had purposed, it turned out in the provi-
dence of God, that I read " Elijah the Tish-
BiTE," by Krummacher, and was overpowered
with the deepest emotions in reading the fol-
lowing incident. Though lengthy, I will give

22 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

it in full; hoping it will be blessed to the
awakening of some soul now sleeping in car-
nal security, or some deceived one.

'' There was, some years ago," says Mr,
Krummacher, of Elberfeld, in the Valley of
Barmen, Prussia, *' not far from this place, a
very gifted preacher, who for several years
preached with great earnestness and success,
the doctrine of the cross; but who, on that
very account, was violently opposed. One of
his opponents, a well informed person, who
had for a long time absented himself from the
church, thought, one Sunday morning, that he
would go and hear the gloomy man once more;
to see w^iether his preaching might be more
tolerable to him than it had been heretofore.
He went; and that morning the preacher was
speaking of the narrow way, which he did
not make any narrower or broader than the
Word of God describes it. ^A new creature
in Christ, or eternal condemnation,^ was the
theme of his discourse; and he spoke with
power, and not as a mere learned reasoner.
During the sermon, the question forced itself
upon this hearer's conscience, ^ How is it with
myself? Does this man declare the real truth?

V
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNII'IED. 23

If he does, what must inevitably follow from
it? This thought took such a hold upon him^
that he could not get rid of it amidst any of
his engagements or amusements. But it
became, from day to day, more and more trou-
blesome; and threatened to embitter every
joy of his life; so that, at last, he thought he
would go to the preacher himself, and ask him
upon his conscience, if he were convinced of
the truth of that which he had lately preach-
ed. He fulfilled his intention, and went to the
preacher. 'Sir,' said he to him, with great ear-
nestness, *I was one of your hearers when you
spoke, a short time since, of the only way of
salvation. I confess to you that you have dis-
turbed my peace of mind, and I cannot refrain
from asking you solemnly before God, and
upon your conscience, if you can prove what
you asserted, or whether it was an unfounded
alarm?' The preacher, not a little surprised
at this address, replied with convincing cer-
tainty, that he had spoken the Word of God,
and consequently, infallible truth. * What,
then, is to become of us^^ replied the visitor.
His last word, us^ started the preacher; but
he rallied his strength, and began to explain

24 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

the plan of salvation to the inquirer, and to
exhort him to repent and believe. But the
latter, as though he had not heard one word
of what the preacher said, interrupted him in
the midst of it, and repeated, with increasing
emotion, the anxious exclamation, ^ If it be
truth, sir, I beseech you, what are we to do?'
Terrified, the preacher staggered back. 'Wei'
thought he, 'what means this weP and endeavor-
ing to stifle his inward uneasiness and embar-
assment, he resumed his exhortations and ad-
vice. Tears came into the eyes of the visitor; he
smote his hands together like one in despair,
and exclaimed in an accent, that might have
moved a heart of stone, ' Sir, if it be truth,
we are lost and undone !' The preacher stood
pale, trembling and speechless. Then over-
whelmed with astonishment, with down cast
eyes and convulsive sobbings, he exclaimed,
* Friend, down on your knees, let us pray
and cry for mercy!' They knelt down, and
prayed; and shortly afterwards the visitor
left. The preacher shut himself up in his
closet. Next Sunday, word was sent that the
minister was unwell, and could not appear.
The same thing happened on the Sunday fol-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 25

lowing. On the third Sunday, the preacher
made his appearance before his congregation,
worn with his inward conflict, and pale, but
his eyes beaming with joy, and commenced
his discourse with the surprising and affecting
declaration, that he had now, for the first time,
passed through the strait gate. You will
ask, what had occurred in his chamber during
the interval which had elapsed. A storm pass-
ed over before him — but the Lord was not in
the storm; an earthquake— but the Lord was
not in the earthquake; afire — but the Lord
was not in the fire. Then came a still small
voice; on which the man enveloped his face
in his mantle, and from that time knew ^vhat
was the gospel, and what was grace."

A diseased and melancholy man is apt to
think that he has nearly every disease. He
takes up a medical work to search for his dis-
ease; he reads the symptoms of various com-
plaints, and comes to the conclusion that he
has a touch of them all. The condition of the
preacher above described, I concluded was
precisely my case. I had urged repentance
upon others, but had never repented in a god-
ly manner myself; I had insisted strenuously
3

2fe

AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT*

for the new birth in others, but I had nevef
experienced it; I had directed others to Christ,
but I had never seen him by a living faith.
These thoughts, and others like them, pro-
duced a settled gloom and melancholy upon
my soul. I had no heart to pray, I was so
utterly confounded. Nor had I the courage to
investigate the subject, as I had just before
this, intended. The adversary and ^'accuser
of the brethren" assaulted me greatly at this
point, and tantalized me with fiendish delight.
'^ Where now is thy God? Where ngw are
thy hopes and joys? Where are thy pros-
pects of heaven? Pretty physician! laboring
to heal others! Heal thyself."

For some two months, I remained in this
state of fear and despondency, utterly unable
to help myself, and without the ability or
courage to apply to God for help. Thus, in
March, 1851, I went to one of my churches,
and after I had preached, went home with a
good brother, who, after he had conversed
with me awhile, remarked that a colporteur
had left some tracts at his house, one of which
he was much pleased with, and he would
hunt it up and let me read it. It "pleased me
much, for I preferred any thing to conversa-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 27

tion, and solitude was my choice. The tract
to which he alluded secDied to be misplaced,
and while in search of it, he handed me ano-
ther, with the remark, '' this is a very good
one, which you can look at while I search for
the other." I had always regarded tracts
with comparative indifference, but I received
it from the good brother, and vastly preferred
it to conversation. I found it to be " The
Conversion of President Edwards." I conclud-
ed that a tract written by the great and the
good Jonathan Edwards, ^* containing a sketch
of his early religious history, and the distin-
guishing operations of the Spirit in his pro-
gress in the divine life," could and should in-
terest any man. I read it with deeper, and
with far different emotions, than I had ever
read any other human production. I hope
the reader will not consider it vain and ego-
tistic in me, to publish a production of that
great divine and metaphysician, in this narra-
tive. It is an important link in my experi*
ence, and was so instrumental in its produc-
tion, that it cannot well be passed over. Be-
sides, I cannot do my readers a better service
than to give them the tract entire.

28 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

CONVERSION

OF

PRESIDENT EDWARDS,

FROM A NA.RRATIVE WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.

I had a variety of concerns and exercises
about my soul from my childhood; but had
two more remarkable seasons of awakening,
before I met with that change by which I was
brought to those new dispositions, and that
new sense of things, that I have since had.
The first time was when I was a boy, some
years before I went to college, at a time of
remarkable awakening in my father's congre-

NoTE. — President Edwards was born at "Windsor, Con.,
October 5, 1703; graduated at Yale College, September,
1720; preached in New York, eight months in 1722-3;
was appointed tutor at Yale College, September, 1724;
ordained at Northampton, Mass., February 15, 1727; dis-
missed, June 22, 1750; stationed as a missionary to the
Indians at Stockbridge, August, 1751; where he wrote
his Treatise on the Will; elected President of New Jer-
Bey College, October, 1757; died March, 1758, aged 54.
The above account of his religious exercises was found
among his papers at his death, and is supposed to have
been written at Northampton, when he was about forty
years of age, for his own private advantage.

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 29

gation. I was then very much affected for
many months, and concerned about the things
of religion, and my souVs salvation; and was
abundant in duties. I used to pray five times
a day in secret, and to spend much time in re-
ligious talk with other boys; and used to
meet with them to pray together. I experi-
enced I know not what kind of delight in re-
ligion. My mind was much engaged in it,
and had much self-righteous pleasure; and it
was my delight to abound in religious duties.
I with some of my school-mates joined toge-
ther, and built a booth in a swamp, in a very
retired spot, for a place of prayer. And be-
sides, I had particular secret places of my own
in the woods, where I used to retire by myself;
and was from time to time much afiected. My
affections seemed to be lively and easily
moved, and I seemed to be in my element
when engaged in religious duties. And I am
ready to think, many are deceived with such
affections, and such a kind of delight as I then
had in religion, and mistake it for grace.

But in process of time, my convictions and
affections wore off; and I entirely lost all
those affections and delights and left off secret

80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

prayer, at least as to any constant performance
of it; and returned like a dog to his vomit,
and went on in the ways of sin. Indeed I was
at times very uneasy, especially towards the
latter part of my time at college; when it
pleased God to seize me with a pleurisy, in
which he brought me nigh to the grave, and
shook me over the pit of hell. And yet, it
was not long after my recovery, before I fell
again into my old ways of sin. But God would
not suffer me to go on with any quietness; I
had great and violent inward struggles, till
after many conflicts with wicked inclinations,
repeated resolutions, and bonds that I laid
myself under, by a kind of vows to God,
I was brought wholly to break off all former
wicked ways, and all ways of known outward
sin; and to apply myself to seek salvation,
and practice many religious duties; but with-
out that kind of affection and delight which I
had formerly experienced. My concern now
wrought more by inward struggles and con-
flicts, and self-reflections. I made seeking my
salvation the main business of my life. But
yet, it seems to me, I sought after a miserable
manner; which has made me sometimes since

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81

to question, whether ever it issued in that
which was saving: being ready to doubt,
whether such miserable seeking ever succeed-
ed. I was indeed brought to seek salvation
in a manner that I never was before; I felt a
spirit to part with all things in the world, for
an interest in Christ. My concern continued
and prevailed, with many exercising thoughts
and inward struggles ; but yet it never seemed
to be proper to express that concern by the
name of terror.

From my childhood up, my mind had been
full of objections against the doctrine of God^s
sovereignty, in choosing whom he would to
eternal life, and rejecting whom he pleased;
leaving them eternally to perish, and be ever-
lastingly tormented in hell. It used to appear
like a horrible doctrine to me. But I remem-
ber the time very well, when I seemed to be
convinced, and fully satisfied, as to this sove-
reignty of God, and his justice in thus eter-
nally disposing of m-en, according to his sove-
reign pleasure. But I never couldgive an ac-
count how, or by what means, I was thus con-
vinced, not in the least imagining at the time,
nor a long time after, that there was any ex-

82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

traordinary iDfluence of God's Spirit in it; but
only that now I saw further, and my reason
apprehended the justice and reasonableness of
it. However, my mind rested in it; and it
put an end to all those cavils and objections.
And there has been a wonderful alteration in
my mind, with respect to the doctrine of God's
sovereignty, from that day to this; so that I
scarce ever have found so much as the rising
of an objection against it, in the most abso-
lute sense, in God's showing mercy to whom
he will show mercy, and hardening whom he
will. God's absolute sovereignty and justice,
with respect to salvation and damnation, is
what my mind seems to rest assured of, as
much as of any thing that I see with my eyes;
at least it is so at times. But I have often,
since that first conviction, had quite another
kind of sense of God's sovereignty than I had
then. I have often since had, not only a con-
viction, but a delightful conviction. The doc-
trine has very often appeared exceeding plea-
sant, bright and sweet. Absolute sovereignty
is what I love to ascribe to God. But my
first conviction was not so.

The first instance that I remember of that

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFED. 33

sort of inward, sweet delight in God and di-
vine things, that I have lived much in since,
was on reading those words, 1 Tim. i. IT, Now
unto the King eternal ^ immortal^ invisible^ the only
wise God, he honor and glory for ever and ever,
Amen. As I read the words, there came into
my soul, and was as it were diffused through
it, a sense of the glory of the Divine Being;
a new sense, quite different from any thing I
ever experienced before. Never any words of
Scripture seemed to me as these words did. I
thought with myself, how excellent a Being
that was, and how happy I should be, if I
might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to him
in heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in
him forever I I kept saying, and as it were
singing over these words of Scripture to my-
self; and went to pray to God that I might en-
joy him, and prayed in a manner quite different
from what I used to do; with a new sort of
affection. But it never came into my thought,
that there was any thing spiritual, or of a
saving nature, in this.

From about that time, I began to have a
new kind of apprehension and idea of Christ,
and the work of redemption, and the glorious

84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

way of salvation by him. An inward, sweet
sense of these things, at times, came into my
heart; and my soul was led away in pleasant
views and contemplations of them. And my
mind was greatly engaged to spend my time
in reading and meditating on Christ, on the
beauty and excellency of his person, and the
lovely way of salvation by free grace in him.
I found no books so delightful to me, as those
that treated of these subjects. Those words,
Cant. ii. 1, used to be abundantly with me, 1
a VI the Rose of Sharon and tht Lily of theValleys.
The words seemed to me, sweetly to represent
the loveliness and beauty of Jesus Christ.
The whole book of Canticles used to be plea-
sant to me, and I used to be much in reading
it, about that time; and found, from time to
time, an inward sweetness, that would carry
me away, in my contemplations. This I know
not how to express otherwise, than by a calm,
sweet abstraction of soul from all the concerns
of this world; and sometimes a kind of vision
or fixed ideas and imaginations, of being
alone in the mountains, or some solitary wil-
derness, far from all mankind, sweetly convei -
sing with Christ, and rapt and swallowed up

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 35

in God. The sense I had of divine things,
would often of a sudden kindle up, as it were,
a sweet burning in my heart; an ardor of soul,
that I know not how to express.

Not long after I first began to experience
these things, I gave an account to my father
of some things that had passed in my mind.
I was pretty much affected by the discourse
we had together; and when the discourse was
ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary
place in my father^s pasture, for contempla-
tion. And as I was walking there, and look-
ing up on the sky and clouds, there came into
my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious ma-
jesty and grace of God, that I know not how to
express, I seemed to see them both in a sweet
conjunction; majesty and meekness joined to-
gether; it was a sweet, and gentle, and holy
majesty; and also a majestic meekness; an
awful sweetness; a high, and great, and holy
gentleness.

After this my sense of divine things gradu-
ally increased, and became more and more
lively, and had more of that inward sweetness.
The appearance of every thing was altered;
there seemed to be, as it were, a calm, sweet

36 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

cast, or appearance of divine glory, in almost
every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom;
his purity and love, seemed to appear in every
thing; in the sun, and moon and stars; in the
clouds, and blue sky; in the grass, flowers,
trees; in the water, and all nature; which
used greatly to ^x my mind. I often used
to sit and view the moon for continuance; and
in the day, spent much time in viewing the
clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of
God in these things; in the mean time, sing-
ing forth, with a low voice, my contempla-
tions of the Creator and Eedeemer. And scarce
any thing, among all the works of nature, was
so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; for-
merly, nothing had been so terrible to me.
Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with
thunder, and to be struck with terror when I
saw a thunder storm rising; but now, on the
contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to
speak, at the first appearance of a thunder
storm; and used to take the opportunity at
such times, to fix myself in order to view the
clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear
the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder,
which oftentimes was exceedingly entertain-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 3T

ing, leading me to sweet contemplations of
my great and glorious God. While thus en-
gaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing,
or chant for my meditations- or, to speak my
thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice.

I felt then great satisfaction, as to my good
state; but that did not content me. I had
vehement longings of soul after God and
Christ, and after more holiness, wherewith my
heart seemed to be full, and ready to break;
which often brought to my mind the words of
the Psalmist, Psal. cxix. 28, My soul breaketh
for the longing it hath, I often felt a mourning
and lamenting in my heart, that I had not
turned to God sooner, that I might have had
more time to grow in grace. My mind was
greatly fixed on divine things; almost perpet-
ually in the contemplation of them. I spent
most of my time in thinking of divine things,
year after year; often walking alone in the
woods, and solitary places, for meditation, so-
liloquy and prayer, and converse with God; and
it was always my manner, at such times, to
sing forth my contemplations. I was almost
constantly in ejaculatory prayer, wherever I
was. Prayer seemed to be natural to me
I

38 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

as the breath by which the inward burnings
of my heart had vent. The delights which i
now felt in the things of religion, were of an
exceeding different kind from those before men-
tioned, that I had when a boy; and what I then
had no more notion of, than one born blind has
of pleasant and beautiful colors. They were of
a more inward, pure, soul-animating and re-
freshing nature. Those former delights never
reached the heart; and did not arise from any
sight of the divine excellency of the things of
God; or any taste^of the soul-satisfying and life-
giving good there is in them.

My sense of divine things seemed gradual-
ly to increase, until I went to preach at New
York, which was about a year and a half after
they began, and while I was there I felt them,
very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I
had before. My longings after God and holi-
ness were much increased. Pure and humble
holy and heavenly Christianity, appeared ex-
ceeding amiable to me. I felt a burning de-
sire to be in every thing a complete Christian,
and conformed to the blessed image of Christ;
and that I might live, in all things, according
to the pure, sweet and blessed rules of the
gospel. I had an eager thirsting after pro-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 39

gross in these things; which put me upon
pursuing and pressing after them. It was my
continual strife, day and night, %nd constant
inquiry, how I should he more -holy and live
more holily, and more becoming a child of
God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought
an increase of grace and holiness, and a
holy life, with much more earnestness than
ever I sought grace before I had it. I used
to be continually examining myself, and stu-
dying and contriving for likely ways and
means how I should live holily, with far greater
diligence and earnestness than ever I pursued
any thing in my life; but yet with too great a
dependance on my own strength, which after-
wards proved a great damage to me. My ex-
perience had not then taught me, as it has
done since, my extreme feebleness and impo-
tence, every manner of way, and the bottom-
less depths of secret corruption and deceit
there was in my heart. However, I went on
v/ith my eager pursuit after more holiness and
conformity to Christ.

The heaven I desired was a heaven of holi-
ness: to be with God, and to spend my etern-
ity in divine love and holy communion with

40 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Christ. My mind was very much taken Tip
"with contemplations on heaven and the enjoy-
ments there, and living there in perfect holi-
ness, humility and love; and it used at that
time to appear a great part of the happiness
of heaven, that there the saints could express
their love to Christ. It appeared to me a
great clog and burden, that what I felt within
I could not express as I desired. The inward
ardor of my soul seemed to be hindered and
pent up, and could not freely flame out as it
would. I used often to think how in heaven
this principle should freely and fully vent and
express itself. Heaven appeared exceedingly
delightful, as a world of love; and that all
happiness consisted in living in pure, humble,
heavenly, divine love.

I remember the thoughts I used then to
have of holiness, and said sometimes to my-
self, ''I do certainly know that I love holiness,
such as the gospel prescribes.^' It appeared
to me that there was nothing in it but what
was ravishingly lovely; the highest beauty
and amiableness — a divine beauty; far purer
than any thing here upon earth; and that
every thing else was like mire and defilement
in comparison of it.

TEE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 41

Holiness, as I then wrote down some of my
contemplations on it, appeared to me to be of
a sweet, pleasant, charming, serene, calm na-
ture; which brought an inexpressible purity,
brightness, peacefulness, and ravishment to
the soul. In other words, that it made the
soul like a field or garden of God, with all
manner of pleasant flowers; all pleasant, de-
lightful, and undisturbed; enjoying a sweet
calm and the gently vivifying beams of the
sun. The soul of a true Christian, as I then
wrote my meditations, appeared like such a
little white flower as we see in the spring of
the year; low and humble on the ground,
opening its bosom to receive the pleasant
beams of the sun^s glory; rejoicing, as it were,
in a calm rapture; difi'using around a sweet
fragrancy; standing peacefully and lovingly
in the midst of other flowers round about; all
in like manner opening their bosoms to drink
in the light of the sun. There was no part of
creature holiness, that I had so great a sense
of its loveliness, as humility, brokenness of
heart, and poverty of spirit; and there was
nothing that I so earnestly longed for. My
heart panted after this: to lie low before God,

42 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

as in the dust; that I might be nothing, and
that God might be all; that I might become
as a little child.

While at New York I was sometimes much
affected with reflections on my past life, con*
sidering how late it was before I began to be
truly religious; and how wickedly I had lived
till then; and once so as to weep abundantly,
and for a considerable time together.

On January 12, 1723, I made a solemn de-
dication of myself to God, and wrote it down:
giving up myself, and all I had to God; to be
for the future in no respect my own; to act
as one that had no right to himself, in any re-
spect; and solemnly vowed to take God for
my whole portion and felicity; looking on
nothing else as any part of my happiness, nor
acting as if it were; and his law for the con-
stant rule of my obedience; engaging to fight,
with all my might, against the world, the flesh,
and the devil, to the end of my life. But I
have reason to be infinitely humbled when I
consider how much I have failed of answering
my obligations.

I had then abundance of sweet religious
conversation in the family where I lived, with

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 43

Mr. John Smith and his pious mother. My
heart was knit in affection to those in whom
were appearances of true piety; and I could
bear the thoughts of no other companions but
such as were holy, and the disciples of the
blessed Jesus. I had great longings for the
advancement of Christ^s kingdom in the world;
and my secret prayer used to be, in great part
taken up in prayings for it. If I heard the
least hint of any thing that happened, in any
part of the world, that appeared, in some re-
spect or other, to have a favorable aspect on
the interests of Christ's kingdom, my soul
eagerly catched at it, and it would much ani-
mate and refresh me. I used to be eager to
read public news letters, mainly for that end;
to see if I could not find some news favorable
to the interests of religion in the world

I very frequently used to retire into a soli-
tary place, on the banks of Hudson's river, at
some distance from the cit}^ for contemplation
on divine things, and secret converse with
God; and had many sweet hours there. Some-
times Mr. Smith and I walked there together, to
converse on the things of God; and our con-
versation used to turn much on the advance-

44 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

ment of Christ's kingdom in the world, and
the glorious things that God would accomplish
for his church in the latter days. I had then,
and at other times, the greatest delight in the
holy scriptures of any book whatsoever. —
Oftentimes, in reading it, every word seemed
to touch my heart. I felt a harmony between
something in my heart and those sweet and
and powerful words. I seemed often to see
so much light exhibited by every sentence,
and such a refreshing food communicated, that
I could not get along in reading; often dwel-
ling long on one sentence, to see the wonders
contained in it; and yet almost every sentence
seemed to be full of wonders.

I came away from New York in the month
of April, 1123, and had a most bitter parting
with Madam Smith and her son. My heart
seemed to sink within me at leaving the fami-
ly and city where I had enjoyed so many
sweet and pleasant days. I went from New
York to Wethersfield by water, and as I sailed
away, I kept sight of the city as long as I
could. However, that night after this sorow-
ful parting, I was greatly comforted in God
at Westchester, where we went ashore to

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 45

lodge, and had a pleasant time of it all the
voyage to Saybrook. It was sweet to me to
think of meeting dear Christians in heaven,
where we should never part more. At Say-
brook we went ashore to lodge on Saturday,
and there kept the Sabbath, where I had a
sweet and refreshing season, walking alone in
the fields.

After I came home to Windsor, I remained
much in a like frame of mind as when at New
York, only sometimes I felt my heart ready to
sink with the thoughts of my friends at New
York. My support was in contemplations on
the heavenly state, as I find in my Diary of
May 1, 1723. It was a comfort to think of
that state where there is fulness of joy; where
reigns heavenly, calm and delightful love,
without alloy ; where there are continually the
dearest expressions of this love; where is the
enjoyment of the persons loved, without ever
parting; where those persons who appea^^so
lovely in this world, will really be inexpres-
sibly more lovely and full of love to us. And
how sweetly will the mutual lovers join to-
gether to sing the praises of God and the
Lambl How will it fill us with joy to think

46 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

that this eDJoyment, these sweet exercises,
will never cease, but will last to all eternity 1

I continued much in the same frame, in the
general, as when at Xew York, till I went to
New Haven as tutor to the college, particu-
larly once at Bolton, on a journey from Boston,
while walking out alone in the fields. After I
went to New Haven I sunk in religion, my
mind being diverted from my eager pursuits
after holiness by some affairs that greatly
perplexed and distracted my thoughts.

In September, 1125, 1 was taken ill at New
Haven, and while endeavoring to go home to
Windsor, was so ill at the North Village that I
could go no further, where I lay sick for about
a quarter of a year. In this sickness God
was pleased to visit me again with the sweet
influences of his Spirit. My mind was greatly
engaged there in divine, pleasant contempla-
tions and longings of soul. I observed that
those who watched with me, would often be
looking out wishfully for the morning, which
brought to my mind those words of the
Psalmist, and which my soul, with delight,
made its own language. My soul waitethfor the
Lord, more than they that watch for the morning,

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 47

1 say, more than they that watch for the morning;
and when the light of day came in at the win-
dows it refreshed my soul from one morning to
another. It seemed to be some image of the
light of God's glory.

I rememberj about that time, I used greatly
to long for the conversion of some that I was
concerned with; I could gladly honor them,
and with delight be a servant to them, and lie
at their feet, if they were but truly holy. But
some time after this I was again greatly di-
verted in my mind with some temporal con-
cerns that exceedingly took up my thoughts
greatly to the wounding of my soul, and went
on through various exercises that it would be
tedious to relate, which gave me much more
experience of my own heart than ever I had
before.

Since I came to this town,"^ I have often had
sweet complacency in God, in views of his
glorious perfections and the excellency of
Jesus Christ. God has appeared to me a glo-
rious and lovely Being, chiefly on the account
of his holiness. The holiness of God has al-

* Northampton.

48 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

ways appeared to me the most lovely of all
his attributes. The doctrines of God^s abso-
lute sovereignty, and free grace, in showing
mercy to whom he would show mercy; and
man's absolute dependence on the operations
of God's Holy Spirit, have very often appeared
to me as sweet and glorious doctrines. These
doctrines have been much my delight. God's
sovereignty has ever appeared to me, great
part of his glory. It has often been my de-
light to approach God, and adore him as a
sovereign God, and ask sovereign mercy of
him.

I have loved the doctrines of the gospel;
they have been to my soul like green pastures.
The gospel has seemed to me the richest trea.
sure; the treasure that I have most desired,
and longed that it might dwell richly in me.
The way of salvation by Christ has appeared,
in a general way, glorious and excellent, most
pleasant and most beautiful. It has often
seemed to me, that it would in a great mea-
sure spoil heaven, to receive it in any other
V7ay. That text has often been affecting and
delightful to me, Isa. xxxii: 2 — A man shall be
a hiding place from the windj and a covert from the
tempest^ etc.

0

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 49

It lias often appeared to me delightful, to be
united to Christ; to have him for my head, and
to be a member of his body; also to have
Christ for my teacher and prophet. I very
often think with sweetness and longings
and pantings of soul, of being a little child,
taking hold of Christ, to be led by him through
the wilderness of this world. That text,
Matt, xviii: 3, has often been sweet to me,
Except ye he converted^ and become as little children^
etc. I love to think of coming to Christ, to
receive salvation from him, poor in spirit, and
quite empty of self, humbly exalting him
alone; cut off entirely from my own root, in
order to grow into, and out of Christ; to have
God in Christ to be all in all; and to live by
faith on the Son of God, a life of humble, un-
feigned confidence in him. That scripture has
often been sweet to me, Psal. cxv: 1, Not unto
us. O Lord^ not unto us, but unto thy name give
glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth^s sake. — ■
And those words of Christ, Luke x: 21, In
that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank
thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that
thou hast hid these thi7igs from the wise and pru-
dentj and hast revealed ihevi unto babes; even so,
5

50 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Father^ for so it seemed good in thy sight. That
sovereignty of God which Christ rejoiced in,
seemed to me worthy of such joy; and that
rejoicing seemed to show the excellency of
Christ, and of what spirit he was.

Sometimes, only mentioning a single word
caused my heart to burn within me; or only
seeing the name of Christ, or the name of
some attribute of God. And God has appear-
ed glorious to me, on account of the Trinity.
It has made me have exalting thoughts of
God, that he subsists in three persons: Father,
Son, and Holy Ghost. The sweetest joys and
delights I have experienced, have not been
those that have arisen from a hope of my
own good estate; but in a direct view of the
glorious things of the gospel. When I enjoy
this sweetness, it seems to carry me above
the thoughts of my own estate; it seems at
such times a loss that I cannot bear, to take
off my eye from the glorious, pleasant object
I behold without me, to turn my eye in upon
myself, and my own good estate.

My heart has been much on the advance-
ment of Christ^s kingdom in the world. The
histories of the past advancement of Christ's

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61

kingdom have been sweet to me. When I
have read histories of past ages, the pleasant-
est thing in all my reading has been, to read
of the kingdom of Christ being promoted.
And when I have expected, in my reading, to
come to any such thing, I have rejoiced in the
prospect, all the way as I read. And my mind
has been much entertained and delighted with
the scripture promises and prophecies, which
relate to the future glorious advancement of
Christ^s kingdom upon earth.

I have sometimes had a sense of the excel-
lent fulness of Christ, and his meetness and
suitableness as a Saviour; whereby he has
appeared to me, far above all, the chief of ten
thousands. His blood and atonement have
appeared sweet, and his righteousness sweet;
which was always accompanied with ardency
of spirit; and inward strugglings and breath-
ings, and groanings that cannot be uttered, to
be emptied of myself, and swallowed up in
Christ.

Once, as I rode out into the woods for my
health, in 173T, having aliglitod from my
horse in a retired place, as my manner com-
monly has been, to walk for divine contempla-

52 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

tion and prayer, I had a view that for me was
extraordinary, of the glory of the Son of God,
as Mediator between God and man, and his
wonderful, great, full, pure and sweet grace
and love, and meek and gentle condescension.
This grace that appeared so calm and sweet,
appeared also great above the heavens. The
person of Christ appeared ineffably excellent
with an excellency great enough to swallow
up all thought and conception — which con-
tinued, as near as I can judge, about an hour;
which kept me the greater part of the time in
a flood of tears, aud weeping aloud. I felt an
ardency of soul to be, what I knew not other-
wise how to express, emptied and annihilated;
to lie in the dust, and to be full of Christ alone;
to love him with a holy and pure love; to
trust in him; to live upon him; to serve and
follow him; and to be perfectly sanctified and
made pure, with a divine and heavenly purity.

I have, several other times, had views of
very much the same nature, and which have
had the same effects.

I have many times had a sense of the glory
of the third person in the Trinity, in his office
of Sanctifier; in his holy operations, commu-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 53

nicating divine light and life to the sonl. God,
in the communications of his Holy Spirit, has
appeared as an infinite fountain of divine
glory and sweetness; being full, and sufficient
to fill and satisfy the soul; pouring forth itself
in sweet communications; like the sun in its
glory, sweetly and pleasantly diffusing light
and life. And I have sometimes had an affec-
ting sense of the excellency of the word of
God, as a word of life; as the light of life;
a sweet, excellent, life-giving word; accom-
panied with a thirstiugafter that word, that it
might dwell richly in my heart.

Often, since I lived in this town, I have had
very affecting views of my own sinfulness
and vileness; very frequently to such a de-
gree, as to hold me in a kind of loud weeping,
sometimes for a considerable time together;
so that I have often been forced to shut myself
up. I have had a vastly greater sense of my
own wickedness, and the badness of m}' heart,
than ever I had before my conversion.* It

* Our author does not say, that he had more wicked-
ness and badness of heart, since his conversion, than he
had before; but that he had a greater 5e?zse thereof. —
Thus a blind man may have his garden full of noxious

54 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

has often appeared to me, that if God should
mark iniquity ag*ainst me, I should appear the
very worst of all mankind ; of all that have been
since the beginning of the world to this time;
and that I should have by far the lowest place
in hell. When others, that have come to talk
with me about their soul concerns, have ex-
pressed the sense they have of their own
wickedness, by saying that it seemed to them,
that they were as bad as the devil himself; I
thought their expressions seemed exceeding
faint and feeble, to represent my wickedness.
My wickedness, as I am in myself, has long
appeared to me perfectly ineffable, and swal-
lowing up all thought and imagination; like
an infinite deluge, or mountains over my head.
I know not how to express better what my

weeds; and yet not see or be sensible of them. But should
the garden be in great part cleared of these, and fur-
nished with many beautiful and salutary plants; and
supposing the owner now to have the power of discri-
minating objects of sight; in this case, he would have
less, but would see, and have a sense of more. To which
may be added, that the better the organ, and clearer the
light may be, the stronger will be the sense excited by
sin or holiness.

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 65

sins appear to me to be, than by heaping in-
finite upon infinite, and multiplying infinite by
infinite. Very often, for these many years,
these expressions are in my mind, and in my
mouth, *' Infinite upon infinite — Infinite upon
infinite!'^ When I look into my heart, and
take a view of my wickedness, it looks like
an abyss infinitely deeper than hell. And it
appears to me, that were it not for free grace,
exalted and raised up to the infinite height of
all the fulness and glory of the great Jehovah,
and the arm of his power and grace stretched
forth in all the majesty of his power, and in
all the glory of his sovereignty, I should ap-
pear sunk down in my sins, below hell itself;
far beyond the sight of every thing, but the
eye of sovereign grace, that can pierce even
down to such a depth. And yet it seems to
me, that my conviction of sin is exceeding
small and faint; it is enough to amaze me,
that I have no more sense of my sin. I know
certainly, that I have very little sense of my
sinfulness. When I have had turns of weep-
ing for my sins, I thought I knew at the time,
that my repentance was nothing to my sin.

I have greatly longed of late for a broken
heart, and to lie low before God; and, when

56 AN EXPERBIENTAL TRACT.

I ask for humility, I cannot bear the thoughts
of being no more humble than other Christians.
It seems to me, that though their degrees of
humility may be suitable for them, yet it would
be a vile self-exaltation in me, not to be the
lowest in humility of all mankind. Others
speak of their longing to be '' humbled in the
dust;" that may be a proper expression for
them, but I always think of myself, that I
ought, and it is an expression that has long
been natural for me to use in prayer, '* to he
infinitely low before God." And it is affecting
to think, how ignorant I was, when a young
Christian, of the bottomless, infinite depths of
wickedness, pride, hypocrisy and deceit, left
in my heart.

I have a much greater sense of my univer-
sal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and
strength, and mere good pleasure, of late,
than I used formerly to have; and have ex-
perienced more of an abhorrence of my own
righteousness. The very thought of any joy
arising in me, on any consideration of my own
amiableness, performances, or experiences, or
or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous
and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly
afflicted with a proud and self-righteous spi-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 5T

rit, much more sensibly than I used to be
formerly. I see that serpent rising and put-
ting forth its head continually, everywhere all
around me.

Though it seems to me, that, in some re-
spects, I was a far better Christian, for two or
three years after my first conversion, than I
am now; and lived in a more constant delight
and pleasure; yet of late years, I have had a
more full and constant sense of the absolute
sovereignity of God, and a delight in that so-
vereignty; and have had more of a sense of the
glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the
gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular
I had such a discovery of the excellency of
the gospel above all other doctrines, that I
could not but say to myself, '* This is my cho-
sen light, my chosen doctrine;" and of Christ,
*^ This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared
sweet, beyond all expression, to follow Christ,
and to be taught and enlightened and instruct-
ed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. —
Another Saturday night {Jammry, 1739) I had
such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing
it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that
which was right and meet to be done, and agree-
able to the holy mind of God ; that it caused

58 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping
which held me some time, so that I was forced
to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I
could not but, as it were, cry out, *' How hap-
py are they which do that which is right in
the sight of God! They are blessed indeed,
they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same
time, a very affecting sense, how meet and
suitable it was that God should govern the
world, and order all things according to his
own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God
reigned, and that his will was done.
, — ^pt

When I was through reading the foregoing
narrative, I came to the following conclusion:
/ avi either an unconverted man^ or 1 have not
attained to the heights and depths, lengths and
breadths of piety and spirituality , to ivhich Mr,
Edwards attained; and, in either event, 1 must
and will bestir myself, and attend to it from this
moment. The good brother's favorite tract was
not found, but the one which the Lord design-
ed for me had done its work. I formed the re-
solution above-mentioned, with more strength
than usual; and felt that I had some assist-
ance in its formation. And with it, also, came

1

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 59

a spirit of prayer, and some tenderness of
heart and contrition of spirit. Before this my
heart was hard as a stone, as dead and as
cold.

Lest some of the family should speak to
me, and in order to strengthen my soul in its
resolution, I retired to the grove, and prostra-
ted myself before God in prayer. Upon my
face in the dust I covenanted with God, that
by his help I would become a converted man,
if I was not already such; and if the investi-
gation proved that I was a true believer in
Jesus, I would strive to attain to the full as-
surance of faith, hope and love, so that I
should not forever be tossed to and fro, and
driven by every thing that crossed my path-
way. I had some freedom in prayer, and
some faith in God that the matter would ter-
minate one way or the other, soon. I cove-
nanted also, that I would receive comfort from
no human source. I returned to the house;
read the Word of God, conversed some with
the family, and after praj^er retired to my
room with my mind greatly excited, and pray-
ed often during the night.

Next morning, I felt grateful that God had

60 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

not cut me off in such a state of doubt and
uncertainty in regard to my spiritual condi-
tion. I betook myself to the grove, and re-
mained there the most of the time till the
hour to go to the house of God. Preaching
under certain circumstances has often been a
great cross, but I do not remember it to have
ever been as heavy before. I will leave the
reader to imagine my feelings in attempting
to preach in such a state of mind. After ser-
vices, I went home, strengthened in my reso-
lution to carry out the pledges I had so sol-
emnly made to my God and Saviour Jesus
Christ. I went into a secret place that I had
fixed upon as my place for evening prayer;
and there, with the best heart that God was
pleased to give me, I poured it out before the
mercy seat of the Great King. But no relief
came, after much time being spent in that
solemn manner. Next da}^, early in the morn-
ing, I selected a place in the grove for prayer
and meditation, and offered up my morning
sacrifice; but no answer came. At noon, the
same place was resorted to, with the same
poor success. At night, I went to the other
consecrated spot, but no response came from
the mercy seat.

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61

In addition to these set hours, morning,
noon and night, for prayer, I often added
other hours and moments, according to the
anxiety I felt, and the opportunities I had
from my pressing worldly engagements. The
New Testament and Psalms I generally carried
with me at my times of retirement. In that
book I always read some portions before and
after prayer, which I thought were most ap-
plicable to my case. The result of all these
efforts in secret, was an increase of anxiety
upon the subject of my souPs salvation. I
obtained no relief from them. My fears of
being in a deceived and unconverted state in-
creased daily. The holiness and purity of
God, and the rigid demands of his law were
revealed to my mind, as well as my depraved
nature, my sinful and vile heart. Such views
disheartened me greatly. But what should I
do? Look in whatever direction I might, I
was always shut up to one inflexible conclu*
sion — 1 must he reconciled to that God of infinite
holiness. But how was it to be done? was the
perplexing question. True; I knew what the
scriptures said on the subject; I believed it to
some extent, and had taught it to others; but
6

62 Ai^ EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

to understand it, see it, believe it, experience
it, and have it written and engraven on my
heart, so as to know it, and settle the ques-
tion as to my acceptance with God, beyond
all doubt, was what I prayed for and sought.
Nothing less than this, was I humbly bent on
obtaining.

Saturdays and Sundays were days I always
dreaded. My reluctance to preach increased
every week — every day, I may add. My re*
luctance to preach increased in proportion to
the increase of my doubts and fears. But I
resolved to preach, if^for no other reason than
to keep my condition from the public. When
Sunday night came, and my imperfect labors
were ended, I felt relieved of a burden of anx-
iety that had preyed upon my soul, in a tell-
ing manner, during all the services. My anx-
iety to know what to say to the people before
I began, my concern as to its effects upon
them, and the ever-abiding concern for my
own soul, were efforts of mind quite trying
upon my nervous system. After my Sabbath
night's secret prayer, and I had retired to
rest, my soul was so wrought upon with
shame and mortification, at my efforts in

I

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 63

preaching", and at my doubtful and uncertain
condition before God, that rest and sleep de-
parted from me. Monday was a day of lan-
gour, dullness and lassitude of body and mind
— a day of reproaches, settled gloom and hor-
rid melancholy.

About the middle of April, 1851, a minister-
ing brother opened a correspondence with me
on the subject of going with him to the Sou-
thern Triennial Convention, to meet in Nash-
ville, Tennessee, in May following. He be-
lieved it in my power to go, and, therefore,
urged it as duty. In my first reply I evaded
his reasons for my going, for I disliked com-
pany of any kind, and gave such excuses as
my conscience would allow, for it was very
tender. But my excuses were not satisfac-
tory, and I was compelled to open my mind to
him, to a great extent, before he would be
satisfied. This I reluctantly did in a letter
under date of April 22nd, 1851. As an extract
from this letter will give the reader a better
idea of my state of mind at that time than I
possibly can at this date, I will give it,
though not written with the least expectation
that it would ever be published, or even be

64 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

seen by any other person. After giving some
reasons of a worldly nature, I approached the
real cause, and said:

*' You complain much of my not writing
oftener. If you knew my state of mind, I know
you would not blame me. I have had but
little inclination to write on any subject for a
good while past. The little I have to write
that would interest you, I could soon write,
and indeed have written it; but the subject
upon which my heart dwells mostly, I fear
would not interest you, or you might think I
was foolish, melancholy, and in danger of the
asylum. I will, however, venture to lay it
somewhat before you, to enlist your sympa-
thies; for if any man on earth needs your
sympathies and prayers, I am that man. Do
not, I beseech you, treat my case with indif-
ference; pour no cold water on *^ the smoking
flax," nor break the '^ bruised reed," but fan it
to a flame if possible, and bind up and support
the broken reed.

'* Dropping figures, I am still, as I havQ^
often hinted to you, greatly troubled in spirit
about my spiritual condition before God.
Strange as it may appear to you, I greatly

THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 65

fear, half my time, that I am not a converted
man. It has destroyed my energy of mind
very much, and has prevented me from writ-
ing articles for the press, and from corres-
ponding privately with my friends on relig-
ious subjects; and, on mere literary subjects,
I have not had sufficient interest to even
touch them. I have feared to mention my
case to any of my brethren; lest they, from
the good opinion they have of me, should ad-
vise me to stop the investigation, and by that
means settle me down in carnal security, and
I should thereby lose my soul. And further, I
do not believe that any one can settle that ques-
tion for me; the Lord alone can decide it. My
condition I regard as a peculiar one. I cannot
pray in what I consider prayer; I cannot re-
pent in what I regard to be repentance; I
cannot believe in the scriptural sense of that
term; I cannot love God with my whole heart,
as he should be loved by a rational being; I
cannot feel, nor do anything that a Christian
ought to do, to glorify God. My heart -is as
hard as a stone, and a tear never falls from my
eyes; the fountains of my soul arc dried up;
my soul is full of darkness and horror; and

66 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

the Spirit of God seems to have forsaken me,
and left me to grope my way in the dark, the
balance of my days. * Wo is me! for lam
undone.^ I get no relief from any source, nor
in any service.

*' I am like a sick person who reads a medi-
cal book, when I read the bible. The sick pa-
tient has every disease described by medical
authors; so it is with me when I read the
Word of God. I take up that sacred volume,
and instead of being comforted by it, I am
Esau, who sold his birthright for the trifling-
sum of a * mess of pottage.' But that won't
do, for Esau ^ lifted up his voice, and wept,'
but I cannot weep. Then I am Saul, who had
* another heart' given him, but not a new hearty
and was * among the prophets,' and died at
last under the curse of God. Then again I
am Balaam, who felt and predicted his own
doom, when he said, * I shall see him, but not
nigh; I shall behold him, but not now.'
He beheld Christ at a distance, but did
not by faith bring him nigh, and died in un-
righteousness. I awfully fear that is my
state, and will be my doom. I then think of
Jehu, and immediately I am transformed into
Jehu. He was zealous against the house of

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 6t

Ahab, for promoting the worship of Baal, but
he was a devotee to Jeroboana^s calves at
Bethel. Jehu was zealous against one sin,
and in love with another. I am somewhat
zealous for God, but my unconverted state (as
I fear,) neutralizes every thing I do, and in the
end I fear it will be no better with me than it
was with the son of Nimshi. Soon again I am
one of Habakkuk^s men, who * sacrifice unto
their net, and burn incense to their drag; be-
cause by them their portion is fat, and their
meat plenteous.' I look back upon my past
religious life with just censure and condemna-
tion. I fear I have all the time sacrificed to
my own vile, selfish net and drag, and have
not had the glory of God in view, in my own
salvation and in the salvation of others. 0
how full of selfishness and vanity I am! I
then go to the New Testament, and I am the
* stony ground hearer;' one of the ^five foolish
virgins;' but one of my most alarming fears is,
that I am one of those who will approach the
Lord in that day, and say, * Lord, Lord, have
we not prophecied in thy name? and in thy
name have cast out devils? and in thy name
done many wonderful works?' and to whom

68 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

the Lord will say, ^ I never knew you; depart
from me ye that work iniquity.'

*^ But I will give you no more analogies
between my case and cases in the Bible; space
will not allow, nor would your patience, (al-
ready, I fear, taxed too long) bear it. I fear,
upon the whole, that I have only the form of
godliness, without its energy and power. My
theology, religion and all, are only in my
head, not written and graven on my heart, by
the power of the Holy Spirit. I am (drawing-
analogies again) like Nebuchadnezzar's image,
in the plain of Dura: I have a golden head,
but my feet, miry clay, a cold, stupid image.
It is all I fear, the work of natural conscience,
and an understanding enlightened by the
letter of the word of God. Before a holy God,
I stand as a mass of moral putridity and vile-
ness. There is no life in my preaching, pray-
ing nor singing; I try to do all, but it is a
useless and unacceptable sacrifice. I have
told you of but little of what I feel. Pen, ink
and paper, (nor could the tongue, if I were
present) cannot describe my bitter anguish.
Now imagine a man in this condition, and as
hard as a rock; and you have my religious

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 69

state at this time. Whatever I do in the ex-
ercise of religious duties, is done from the
promptings of judgment, and not from my
feelings. God knows, I thought I was a con-
verted man, when I joined the church and en"
tered the christian ministry; and I have the
consolation of knowing that I did not intrude
upon his courts through impure motives; so I
shall remain where I am and in my work, till
the matter is decided. I tell no one of it, be
cause it would not edify, and might dishearten
God^s dear children.

^'Pray forme, dear brother, until the day
break, and the shadows flee away."

Soon after I wrote the above, I procured
and read a small work entitled the almost

CHRISTIAN discovered; OR, THE FALSE PROFESSOR

TRIED AND CAST. This heart-scarching, and self-
righteous-killing book, had well nigh extermi-
nated what little hope was left me. As Job^s
comforters were to him, so it was to me, ^' a
miserable comforter indeed," It served me as
the watchman did the spouse in the song of
Solomon: it '^ smote me and wounded me; the
keepers of the walls took away my veil from
me." It showed in a variety of ways, what a

70 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

man might do and say, and yet be, but almost
a Christian. I read it through with but little
intermission; and my distress of soul was in-
tense. Thought I, this little book was placed
in my hands by the providence of God to con-
vince me clearly that I am not a Christian —
only one of the almost Christians. It served
me worse than the *^ thieves" did the poor
man that was " going from Jerusalem down
to Jerico." They ^* stripped him, and wounded
him, and left him half dead;" it stripped me
quite clean of my self righteousness and good
works, exposed my nakedness of soul, and left
me more than *' half dead," I feared worse
than the unfortunate man in another respect:
the good Samaritan came along, bound up his
wounds, poured ointment into them, and took
him *' to an inn," gave special charge concer-
ning him, and had it charged to his own ac-
count. I had none to help me. The holiness
of God repulsed me when I thought of ap-
proaching him; his rigid law cursed me; I
I had lost my former dim sight of Christ and
his offices; the Holy Spirit had left me, and no
one was able to administer any comfort.
There were some passages in the Psalma

MS GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 71

that were peculiarly applicable to me. I was
always reminded of them when I attempted to
pray. Psalm xxii. 1-2, was constantly in my
mind. — ^* My God, my God, why has thou for-
saken me? why art thou so far from helping
me, and from the words of my roaring? 0 my
God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest
not; and in the night season and am not silent."
Why the Psalmist called his words uttered in
distress, ^'the words of my roaring," I cannot
tell; but my efforts in prayer at that time are
well expressed by the word roaring. My ef-
forts were made day and night; but I now
regard them to have been nothing more than
discordant '^ roaring," produced by deep dis-
tress and anguish of spirit.

At this crisis in my narrative, I received a
letter from my friend, Mr. H-— — , still urging
me to accompany him to Nashville, Tenn., to
the Convention. But I was less inclined to
go than when 1 wrote the preceding letter.
After giving several reasons why I could not,
yet withholding the main one, I replied to a
portion of his letter as follows:

'*I see you have on account of my letter
[the one just read] placed me in * Doubting

72 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Castle.' Be it so; there is some comfort in
that, if indeed you are correct; for Christian
and Hoi eful succeeded ultimately in getting
out, and pursued their journey to Mount Zion.
But I have not, however, looked upon it so
favorably; for I often fear that I am the ''Man
IN THE Iron Cage," who was doomed to utter
despair. But I hope the Lord will soon show
me, in mercy and grace, who I am, and what
I am. If my heart deceives me not, (which
alas! it has often done) there is nothing I de-
sire more at this time. But how fleeting are
our convictions and desires on a subject so
momentous! I have often been waked up to
investigate my spiritual state before God, but
have as often fallen back again into a careless
state. If I were sure it was the tempter or the
accuser, as you suggest, I would say in the
strength of God, ' Get behind me, Satan.' But
what if it is the good Spirit, either showing me
my deceived state, or stirring me up to seek af-
ter more holiness, ^without which no man shall
see the Lord? I have a strong conviction
that itis the Spirit of the Lord at work with me.
'* \Ye cannot be too thorough in self-exami-
nation; ministers as well as private members.

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 73

Of the two, I do not know but it is easier for
a minister of the gospel to be deceived than a
private member. The minister takes it for
granted that he is a Christian, from the fact
that he Z5 a minister of the gospel of Christ;
Christians take it for granted that he is and so
do men of the world, and conduct themselves
towards him as such, and by these means he
is tempted to think well of himself, and is in
great danger of spiritual pride and carnal se-
curity. And further, he reads the word of.
Grod, and searches other books to find out
what to say to others, and, being so intent
upon his calling, he forgets to let them speak
first of all to his own heart. Now, what if he
were deceived, at first? Is he not in imminent
danger? Nay, is not his damnation almost
certain? I presume it will be such that will
say in the judgment, ' Lord, Lord, have we not
prophesied in thy name,' &c. May God have
mercy upon me, and save me from being one
of that number 1 for says Christ, ^ they will be
many.' Among the twelve, there was a Judas,
and when the Lord said, * that one of you shall
betray me,' they all honestly examined their
hearts and exclaimed, ' Lord, is it I?' And I
7

"74 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

see no reason, now, why there is not an eqnal
proportion of graceless ministers in the world^
and it is but meet that each one should inquire
'Is it I?' ' Search me, 0 God, and try me!^

'* You suggest my usefulness in the Master's
cause as an evidence in my favor. Bat to my
mind, usefulness in the ministry is not a suffi-
cient evidence of a minister being a converted
man. God is sovereign; and he may use a
man's gifts in bringing others to Christ, while
.he is a stranger himself, in heart, to the holy
Gospel he preaches; and he may comfort and
confirm others in the laith of which he is an
utter stranger. The efficacy and power of the
word of God upon the heart of the hearer, doe&
not depend upon the authority of him who
speaks it, but upon the power and authority
of Him who blesses it. So, others may be
converted and established in the faith of the
gospel under my preaching; and I, in the end,
may be * cast away.' You know the raven
was an unclean bird according to the statutes
of Moses, yet God sent it to good Elijah, at
the brook Cherith, with bread and flesh, good
and clean, morning and evening. A very lame
man may, with his crutch, direct you to the

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED.

'15

highway, and not he able to walk in it one
step himself. A crooked |tailor may make a
suit of clothes to fit a straight body, though it
fit not him who made it. The church (Christ's
garden enclosed) may be well watered through
a wooden pump log; the sun may give light
to the inmates through a dusky and dirty
window; and a farm may be sowed by a dirty
hand and produce a good crop. The above, I
know, is a singular combination of figures,
but to my mind tliey are quite suggestive.

But I must conclude. I have great confi-
dence in your wisdom and piety; but you can-
not comfort me. My case is beyond your
reach. For the present you must allow me to
sing in the minor key, till the Lord tunes my
heart to sing in the major.''

Shortly after this I purchased and read
Boston's Fourfold State of Human Nature.
The ^'Almost Christian," which I had read, re-
vealed to me depths of hidden depravity that
I had but imperfectly seen; and also showed
me much more of my self-righteousness, vanity
and folly, than I had ever seen before. But
^' Boston's Fourfold State," broke up and ex-
posed to the light of day, the deep foundations

1Q AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

of sin and depravity in my soni; and the utter
folly of seeking justification by the deeds of
the law, which I was prone to do.

When I saw my depravity of heart, and
sinfulness of soul in the light of the scriptures,
I was cut off from internal reliance for help. I
felt like Jeremiah when he was let down into
the dungeon, and used his language often in
my distress — '' They have cut off my life in
the dungeon, and cast a stone upon me. Wa-
ters flowed over my head; then I said I am
cut off." The last vestige of self-righteous-
ness torn from me, I stood a destitute, tremb-
ling sinner, before a holy God. For twenty
years I had been looking for something to
commend me to a righteous God; but I now
saw that I was nothing more than a mass of
moral putridity and vileness before his infinite
holiness. My disappointment and mortification
was great, when I saw my utter helplessness
before an unchangeable God, and my righ-
teousness condemned as '' filthy rags," and
cursed by his holy law. I looked back upon
my past life with abhorrence— as a life of va-
nity and folly. I viewed every act that I had
ever done — the best of them — as having their

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. ^t

foundation in selfishness and self-aggrandize-
ment— the whole of it condemned by God^s
law. However men may have viewed my
acts and deportment, as favorable evidences
of my being a Christian; yet, when I compared
them with infinite holiness and immaculate
purity, measured them by the perfect standard
of justice, and weighed them in the exact
scales of the law, they were found to be lighter
than vanity, and wanting to an infinite extent.
My agitation of soul increased with these dis-
discoveries, and darkness and confusion over-
whelmed me. The language of Isaiah, ^' wo is
me! for I am undone; because I am a man of
unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a
people of unclean lips; for mine eyes have
seen the King, the Lord of hosts," was ring-
ing in my soul continually.

As I saw increasing dangei^ and necessity,
I betook myself to more frequent prayer. I
was, for weeks, almost an inhabitant of the
woods. My soul loathed company. My pray-
ers seemed utterly worthless. I soon lost all
confidence in them myself, abhorred them, and
was easily persuaded that God discarded them
as an abomination. Yet pray I must, if it

18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

amounted to nothing more than David's ^'roar-
ings.'' And also, the plaintive language of
Job, I made my own: 'Tor my sighing cometh
before I eat, and my roarings are poured out
like waters." What little moisture my soul
possessed in prayer, was now ''turned into the
drought of summer;" and "my bones had
waxed old through my roaring all the day
long."

Having lost confidence in the prayers in-
dited by my own mind, I searched the Psalms
and other portions of the Bible that contained
prayers, bowed before God, and read them;
tried to enter into their meaning and spirit,
and make them my prayers. I concluded, if
my prayers were nothing more than breath —
— confused, discordant "roarings" — that by
using those indited by the Holy Spirit, there
might be the energy and efficacy in them that
I needed. But all appeared to result in nothing
valuable. My distress and hopelessness in-
creased every day. But all this I concealed
from my family and friends. I did not wish
them to know what was going on in my soul,
lest gossip should report it to the friends and
foes of Christ.

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19

As it was God's work in my soul, one more
book was necessary to turn me away from
every other refuge, but Jesus; so that in after
life it might ever be my boast, in this gracious
work, *'I saw no man, save Jesus only." The
same kind Providence that placed the other
works in my hands, soon put into my posses-
sion, Flavel's Touchstone. This little volume
did its work immediately. I finished reading
it in the woods one day about two o'clock;
and said in the language of David, " I am cut
off from before thine eyes." And with Jere-
miah, ''My streugth and my hope is perished
from the Lord." I had now solved the diffi-
cult problem: 1 am not a converted man; 1 am
not a Christian. I was dumb with horror. My
heart was as hard as a rock; no prayer now
escaped from my lips; no tears fell from my
eyes.

After having been a member of the Church
of Christ for twenty years, and a minister of
the gospel for eighteen, to come to the conclu-
sion, without one ray of light or gleam of
hope, that one never was converted, produces
feelings which neither tongue nor pen can
adequately describe. I never had spent and

80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

hope I never shall spend such another after-
noon. David^s language is not too strong for
the feelings I then experienced. *'The sor-
sows of death compassed me, and the pains of
hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and
sorrow.'^ And like Jeremiah, I was '' filled
with bitterness, and made drunken with
wormwood."

It now became necessary that I should de-
cide upon my future course. Shall I continue
to preach? was the first question for me to
decide. Suggestions like the following were
made to my mind: ''Ought you to preach,
knowing you are an unconverted man? Should
you not go to your church, surrender your au-
thority, and quit preaching, till you are con-
verted? No man should preach unless he
is converted and called; and you are neither
converted, nor called to the work of the min-
istry." These were perplexing questions, and
I responded to them as follows: That I should
preach on, to the best of my ability, as though
nothing had happened, and seek the salvation
of my soul. God was my witness that I was
no hypocrite; neither in my profession of
faith, nor in preaching the gospel of Christ,

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81

freely. That I was deceived, I then firmly be-
lieved; but the Adversary never could make
any impression on my mind by accusing me
of hypocrisy. Besides, thought I, if I lay
down my ministry, the church will call on me
for a reason, and that will reveal the whole
matter to the world; I shall wound the cause
of God, and dishearten his people. It was a
good thing, I concluded, to preach the gospel,
as I had commenced it in good faith, if I did
know nothing of Christ experimentally, and
I would continue to seek him with my whole
heart. And further, I concluded as I had
commenced preaching, in good faith to my
Master, it would make my case no worse if I
should continue it.

The same reasoning I applied to my con-
nexion with the Church of Christ. I had no
temptation, from the beginning of my late
struggle up to this time, to cease my efforts
and return to the world. Sin to me was ex-
ceedingly hateful all the time; and now in my
darkest hour and greatest extremity, I had
not even a suggestion to sin against God, and
abandon the idea of seeking the salvation of
my soul. My aim and wish was to be a

82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Christian— reconciled to, and at peace with
God. And I then resolved, that by the help
of God, I would seek the salvation of my soul
as long as I should live, and never make it
known to any one under heaven. I had a
great horror at being '' daubed with untem-
pered mortar," and of having "peace!" pro-
claimed to me "when there was no peace;"
for if God was pleased to convert me, he
would give me the spirituality of the New
Testament, and then I would be at rest, hap-
py and useful. In these feelings and deter-
minations my soul was immovably fixed.

All that afternoon I spent in reflecting upon
my past life. While I looked with " shame
and confusion of face" at my sins, vanities,
follies and short comings, yet I felt devout
gratitude to God, for not having cut me off in
my deceived state. It was a deep mystery
with me why I had been deceived so long-
why I had not seen before, that which was now
so plain to my mind. I shuddered at the idea
of my previous danger. I thanked God with
the best heart I had, that he he had spared me,
and had, in mercy and grace, given me to see
my deceived state.

1

teE GRACE 0^ GOi) MAGNIFIED. 83

But what was to be done? *' Pray/' was
the answer. But I had prayed; had used
every form and posture of prayer. I had
prayed in the language of the Psalms, and
had used every prayer in the Bible in the least
applicable to my case, and I had nothing new
now to offer. I never felt so utterly helpless
before — completely cut off from every resource.
I felt the terrible energy and force of the
passage, ^' having no hope, and without God
in the world."

After dark, in this state of mind, I went to
the spot to which I was accustomed to resort
at that hour; and prostrated myself before
God in perfect hopelessness. I offered no
prayer, for I knew not what to say more than
I had offered before, in the most humble man-
ner. While in that posture, without any seem-
ing effort on my part, my mind recurred to
the life of Christ as it is written in the four
Evangelists. I began at Bethlehem, followed
the blessed Son of God through every event
of his life, in the order of their occurrence,
with more vivid distinctness than I had
ever beheld them before. Light broke into
my soul as I viewed each event, till I got to

84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

the garden of Gethsemane; when sweet and
tender emotions were kindled in my dormant
heart, as I beheld the Son of God on the cold
ground in deep agony for my sinful soul. But
when I arrived at the cross, having passed the
ill-treatment and condemnation of my Saviour,
my heart was broken to pieces in a moment,
in the twinkling of the eye. I gazed at that
bleeding One for a moment, then passed ra-
pidly on to the sepulchre, the resurrection, the
ascension from Olivet, but soon returned to
that delightful place, the cross. I was melted,
completely subdued, and broken down in con-
templating that spectacle.

*' 0, never till my latest breath.

Shall I forget that look;
It seemed to charge me with his death,

Though not a word he spoke.

My conscience felt and owned the guilt;

It plunged me in despair;
I saw my sins his blood had spilt.

And helped to nail him there.

A second look he gave, which said,

* I freely all forgive;
This blood is for thy ransom paid;
I die that thou may'st live.' "

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 85

I had wept often before, but never did I
shed tears that gave my soul such relief. — -
Every fountain of my soul was broken up,
and opened, and my eyes rained showers of
tears, of the deepest penitence and love. Ever
before this, it had been painful for me to weep,
but now it was easy, natural and sweet. I
was then conquered by love and grace as I
had never been before. Blessed conquest!
Precious Conqueror!

And what was it I saw that so subdued and
melted my hard unbelieving heart? Jesus,
crucified for my sins! ''Who his ownselfbore
our sins in his own body on the tree; that
we, being dead to sins, should live unto righ-
teousness: by whose stripes ye are healed."
I beheld Him as my Surety, satisfying' the
claims of the holy law of God which were
against me, by suffering death in my stead;
meeting every claim of justice against me, as
though I was answering to them in my own
person: all this for me, a poor, guilty, vile
sinner who deserved '' everlasting destruction
from the presence of the Lord, and from the
glory of his power." I had never seen be-
fore how hateful sin was to Divine Holiness.
8

86 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Jehovah spared not his own Son, when found
'Mn fashion as a man" — man's surety. The
thought that my sins had cost the Son of God
so much pain, added to my poignant grief.

The vicariousness of Christ's sufferings was
clear to my mind. I saw that they were per-
fectly satisfactory to every claim which the
moral government of God held against me.
God, the Father, looked down from heaven up-
on his crucified Son, '^ well pleased " with his
offering for sin. Like the bitten Israelite,
I looked up to him on the cross as my
atoning sacrifice; and we met in Christ and
were reconciled, and became one in the
blessed Daysman. By faith I beheld '^ Christ
Jesus; who, of God, was made unto me wis-
dom, and righteousness and sanctifijation and
redemption." Condemnation and guilt left me
instantaneously, and I felt the power, and un-
derstood clearly the Bible doctrine of justifi-
cation by faith, '' without the deeds of the
law." The doctrine of works and selfrigh-
teousness, as a ground of acceptance with
God, was forever banished from my mind. My
soul trusted on Christ, without fear, for salva-
tion, and I was happy! happy!! happy!!!
For hours I wept, praised and thanked God,

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81

the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the great
grace conferred on me. The Father I thanked
and devoutly praised for devising the scheme
of salvation, by which I was justified; the Son
for executing it; and the Holy Spirit for ap-
plying it with power to my soul, and for re-
vealing it with such vivid distinctness to
my mind. As Peter on the " Holy Mount"
when the glory of God overshadowed him,
was surrounded by such holy company, and
heard the voice of God from '' the excellent
glory," so I felt that ^'it was good to be there."
And like the astonished and overwhelmed
Jacob, I concluded, ^' Surely the Lord is in
this place; and I knew it not. This is none
other but the house of God, and this is the
gate of heaven."

But the reader is anxious to know whether
I had been deceived or not, up to that time. I
had not. I was then confirmed in my former
faith and hope, and was perfected in love.
Perfect love had cast out all the previous fear
that had given me so much torment. I plainly
saw that m}'' views of justification by faith in
Christ alone, without the deeds of the law or
good works, had been confused and indistinct,

88 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

during all my religious life, up to that time.
My mind never had scrip turally and fully
grasped that comforting and soul-strengthen-
ing doctrine. Nor had I clearly apprehended
the doctrine of atonement, as it is taught in
the Bible. I knew pretty well what theologi-
cal writers had said about it: but their teach-
ings did not satisfy the pressing wants of my
soul. ''My soul desired the first ripe fruit."
I had only seen Jesus, my surety, '' through a
glass darkly," satisfying the claims of the Di-
vine Government against me; but I had not
seen, till then, that He had satisfied every
claim that law and justice held against me,
and suffered for my sins in His own body, as
though I had done it in my ov/n person, and
that the Father was as well satisfied with me,
after I had believed in his Son, as though I
had suffered the penalty'^of law and justice
myself. This appeared to my mind then, and
does still appear, to be the chief glory and
perfection of the ever blessed gospel.

Likewise the soul-satisfying doctrinevof im-
putation I had never viewed clearly. A per-
fect righteousness I saw, the law of God
demanded; I had it not; and how ChrisVs

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 89

active and passive righteousDess was to avail
for me, and meet all the demands of the law
against me, I could not distinctly see. I had
read how it was to be done in theological
books — had heard of it often in sermons — have
preached it to others as far as I understood it
from the teachings of the Bible; but the ob-
scurity of the subject to my mind, was such
that it did not comfort my own soul. I saw
that I must have a perfect righteousness to
*^ stand without fault before the throne of God"
— to meet the requirements of that holy law
by which I was to be judged. I had it not;
and how I was to be received and acquitted
in the name and for the sake of Christ, and
how his work and righteousness were to be
considered mine, were doctrines and ideas
that my mind had never sufficiently grasped,
to bring abiding peace and comfort to my
soul. But I now saw myself '^complete in Him
who is the head of all principality and power;''
and as abiding in Christ by faith: Christ in
me, the Father in Christ, and the Holy Spirit
my sanctifier, were thus ''made perfect in
one." Being in Christ by faith, the Father
had no more claims on me, in a legal point of

90 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

view, than be bad against bis Son; all the
*' band writing against me/' and all tbe claims
of justice, ''were blotted out," and satisfied
on Calvary. The passage, *' there is, there-
fore now, no condemnation to them which are
in Christ Jesus," came with great power and
comfort to my heart. I believed' it, and felt it.

I received no new revelation; only the glo-
rious facts and truths of the gospel, indistinct-
ly seen before, by a weak and wavering faith,
were then by the sovereign grace and power
of the Holy Spirit clearly revealed, written, en-
graved and stereotyped on my heart, by the
blood of the Covenant. The Divine Spirit was
graciously pleased to make them so plain, that
I see them now, with the same clearness that I
did on that never-to-be-forgotten night. But
to return to my narrative.

Feelings consequent upon such views, as
those above related, are indiscribable; yet one
will attempt it, and do the best he can. Quaint
old divines used to say, "The Lord has no
dumb children;" and I am such a debtor to
grace, that I am constrained to magnify it.
How long I remained at that Bethel and wept,
thanked, prayed and praised, and talked to

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 91

my Lord, I cannot tell; I never felt so near to
God before. I could say without doubt, '' My
beloved is mine and I am his." '' He brought
me to the banqueting house, and his banner
over me was love.'^ " His left hand is under
my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.''
In Christ I could speak to Jehovah 'Tace to
face, as a man speaketh to his friend." He
had come near to me in His Son. I believed
and loved with my whole heart. I had no
fear at all; perfect love had cast out all fear
from my soul. My anxious and perturbed
spirit was calm; it had found a resting place
at last, at the cross. All nature around and
above me praised God; and my soul was in
sweet harmony with nature. Christ had res-
tored me, whole, to m}^ Father's house; and I
was united in him to the pure and holy family
of heaven, and they received me as a brother
and rejoiced over me.

I returned to my house at some hour in the
night, and found every #thing quiet, and in the
stillness of sleep; I retired to rest without
awaking them. This I did purposely; for as
yet I did not wish to make the matter known
to any one. And, had I been enquired of, why

92 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

I was up SO late, I could Dot have concealed
it. Next morning, the natural sun in the hea-
vens above, and the '' Sun of Kighteousness''
in my soul, made a bright day. The Holy
Spirit was also in my heart, taking of the
precious things of Christ and showing them to
me. Thus passed three or four days in great
comfort and peace.

Strange to tell, after this gracious manifes-
tation, •' a horror of great darkness^' fell upon
me, the fifth day. I now see the work was
not completed; and as my blessed Lord had
begun it, he was determined to complete it in
his own time, and in his own way. Blessed
be his holy name!

As stated in the foregoing account, the
scriptural views I had of Christ, were from his
birth to his ascension; and my mind soon left
Olivet and returned to Calvary, to look on
that lovely One whom I had pierced, to love,
adore and praise. All was clear as far as the
Ascension. To complete my peace and hap-
piness, my soul needed clearer views of the
Mediation of Christ — of him as an High Priest
in the heaven of heavens for me. The sacri-
fice on Calvary, seen by faith, had satisfied

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 93

my soul as to the '' One offering," '^ the one
sacrifice for sins," to satisfy the rigid demands
of law and justice against me on earth; but
such was my natural and moral impurity, that
I needed one to plead my cause continually at
the right hand of a holy God. Satisfied with
the precious view the Holy Spirit was pleased
to give me of the perfect work of Christ on
earth, I could not see how that sacrifice of-
fered on earth, could avail for me continually
in heaven. At least, that matter was so ob-
scurely understood, that it did not afford me
that happiness which my soul so much desired.
There was a vacuum in my soul that needed
being filled, to complete the good work begun.
From Bethlehem to Olivet — from the Birth to
the Ascension, I saw and understood the work,
and was happy. But how is it beyond Olivet?
Thai was the question I wished solved.

But it pleased God to cut this work short:
it only lasted one day. During that day of
conflict, I read much in the epistle to the He-
brews, about the High Priesthood of Jesus;
and indeed, in every part of the word of God
where his High Priesthood and glorious medi-
ation were treated of by the inspired writers.

94 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

In reading the Epistle to the Hebrews, I was
naturally led by the writer to look at x\aron
and his office as high priest over Israel, as a
striking type of Christ and his Priesthood over
his Church. The letter of the analogy institu-
ted by Paul, between the high priesthood of
Aaron and that of Christ, my mind apprehend-
ed; but how ChrisVs mediation continually
and fully met my wants, and gave me free
access to an infinitely holj' God, were subjects
*'too high for me" to comprehend sufficiently
to make me believe them with my whole heart.
The awful majesty of a just and holy God in
heaven contrasted with me upon earth, com-
passed about with infirmity and sin, alarmed
me greatly. I gloried in the sacrifice on Cal-
vary; but does Calvary avail for me now? for
sins committed every day? Does it give me
freedom of speech with Jehovah? Does that
holy Jehovah love me now? every moment?
These were questions that deeply affected and
greatly perplexed me.

With these and other unsolved difficulties, I
went again to my Bethel; where I had seen
the Lord on the cross, and beheld his resur,
rection, and had gazed at his ascension from

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 95

Mount Olivet in a cloud. I prostrated myself
before the mercy seat of the Great King, and
was enabled by the Spirit to give up the solu-
tion of all my difficulties to Him whose right
it is to clear up all mysteries, necessary to be
known for the good of my soul. No sooner
had I done this, than my mind recurred to the
place of Chrfst's ascension, where I left off
viewing Him before, to return to the cross to
see that bleeding victim.

Here again I had no new revelation; I only
saw things as they were revealed in the Scrip-
tures by a strong faith, through the light of
the Holy Spirit. I gazed at him as he ascend-
ed after his victory on Calvary, with his glo-
rious attendants, and heard some of them
boast of their number: ''The chariots of God
are twenty thousand, even thousands of angels ;
tho Lord is among them, as in Sinai, in the
holy place.'' Others responded, '' God is gone
up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a
trumpet. Sing praises to God, sing praises:
sing praises to our King, sing praises. Thou
hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity
captive.'' Onward moved the stately proces-
sion of the Licarnate God, till it arrived at the

96 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT,

gates of the heaven of heavens, and the attend*
ant angels demanded, '' Lift up your heads, 0
ye gates; and be ye lifted up ye everlasting
doors; and the King of glory shall come in."
Those within, as though they were astonished
at such a summons, demanded, ^'Who is this
King of glory?" To which his messengers
responded more peremptorily, '^ Lift up your
heads, 0 ye gates; even lift them up ye ever-
lasting doors; and the King of glory shall
come in." The porters within again demanded,
"Who is this King of glory?" To which one
universal response is given : ''The Lord, strong
and mighty; the Lord mighty in battle! the
Lord of hosts; He is the King of glorj I"

The right of the demand was recognized,
'' the everlasting gates were lifted up," and
the ^' everlasting doors" were opened, and the
Almighty traveller '' from Edom," and the ISl^n
'' with dyed garments from Bozrah," entered
amid the principalities and powers of heaven.
Presenting before the throne of the Father, all
the evidences of a '' finished" redemption on
earth; the Father inaugurated Him King of
kings and Lord of lords, thus:

I'HE GRACE Ot GOD MAGNIt'IED. 9t

*'Iwill declare the decree: Thou art my
Son; this day have I begotteu thee. Sit thou
on my right hand, until I make thine enemies
thy footstool. And let all the angels of God
worship him. The Lord shall send the rod of
thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the
midst of thine enemies. Thy people shall be
willing in the day of thy power. Ask of me,
and I shall give thee the heathen for thine in-
heritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth
for thy possession. The Lord at thy right
hand shall strike through kings in the day of
his wrath. The Lord hath sworn, and will
not repent: Thou art a priest for ever, after
the order of Melchisedeck. Thy throne, 0
God, is forever and ever: a sceptre of righte-
ousness is the sceptre of thy kingdom. Thou
hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity;
therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed
thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.
And, thou. Lord, in the beginning, hast laid
the foundation of the earth: and the heavens
are the works of thine hands. They shall
perish but thou remainest: and they shall wax
old as doth a garment; and as a vesture shalt
9

98 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

thou fold them up, and they shall be changed:
but thou art the same, and thy years shall
not fail."

My soul, by faith, was in that joyful assem-
bly, celebrating the coronation of my Lord and
King. I felt that He was worthy of all the
honors conferred upon him, on that joyful and
thrilling occasion; and I was inexpressibly
happy. I participated in all their joys; and
bowed in spirit with that immense throng of
redeemed and angelic spirits, and at the con-
clusion of the Father's inaugural, united with
them most joyfully, in saying with a loud
voice, *' Worthy is the Lamb that was slain,
to receive pov/er, and riches, and wisdom, and
strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing.
Blessing, and honor, and glory, and power, be
unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and un-
to the Lamb forever and ever."

But the Lord was pleased to give me still
another view of this glorious subject; which
bad respect to the High Priesthood of the Re-
deemer. I viewed him not only as '' head
over all things to the Church;" but as High
Priest of the ''new and everlasting covenant'^
** a priest forever after the order of Melchies-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 99

deck;" so made b}^ the oath of Jehovah, ^' sit
on the right hand of the Majesty in heavens/^
*' a minister of the sanctuary, and of the true
tabernacle, which the Lord pitched and not
man." As Aaron went into the '^ most holy
place," once a year, as high priest of the Old
Covenant, with the blood of beasts and holy
incense, to make atonement for the sins of
Israel, and to '^ appear in the presence of God"
for them; so did Jesus, the High Priest and
Mediator of the New Covenant, appear in the
presence of God for us, and " offered himself
without spot to God" for the sins of his people.
He had, on earth — on Calvary — offered himself
a sacrifice for sin as Priest; and when he as-
cended and '' passed into the heavens," he ap-
peared in the presence of God for his people,
with all the marks and evidences of his cruci-
fixion on earth, as our great High Priest; and
by ''the one offering of himself" before the
Divine Throne, before all the principalities
and powers of Heaven, ''hath forever perfected
them that are sanctified."

Thus my faith rested upon his sacrifice for
sin in the " outer court" on earth; it rose with
him from the tomb; ascended with him to hea-

100 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

ven; passed into it; beheld, and participated
in his coronation services, as King of saints
and Lord of angels; passed within the vail,
anchored on Him as High Priest, ever living
to make intercession for me according to the
will of God. My soul held him fast as the
High Priest that was needed, holy, harmless,
undefiled, separate from sinners, and made
higher than the heavens.

Thus I found the way to that holy God,
whose infinite purity had so long repulsed me.
It was through the person, blood and righte-
ousness of Jesus the Messiah. I couldapproach
Jehovah now, without fear, through that ^'new
made way,'^ the crucified, risen, accepted,
reigning and interceding Prince and Saviour.
I had one betwixt me and that ''Holy One of
Israel," '' touched with the feeling of my infir-
mity," who could ''lay his hand upon us both,"
thereby " making peace" — who had died for
me, bearing my sins in his own body, and was
ever before the divine throne, pleading my
cause. '' He ever liveth to make intercession."

My way into the "most holy place" being
now laid open, I was filled with such ecstatic
joy that I could not hold my peace. I praised

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1

God aloud. My '^ wilderness and solitary Be-
thel was made glad," and was again to me the
house of God, and the gate of heaven. The
moon and stars helped me to praise God, and
to break the stillness of night. So transported
was I, that I wished to leave the earth; and
like Peter on Mount Tabor, I was dazzled, be-
wildered and overpowered with the glory of
God at the transfiguration, ''not knowing
what I said." I was so intemperate in my
wishes as to ask God to take me, then At
that moment the summons to appear in the
court of my Eedeemer and King, would have
been the most joyful news that ever saluted
my ears. '' My heart and my flesh cried out''
for it. But the address of the angel of the
Covenant to Daniel, '' Go thou thy way till
the end be; for thou shalt rest, and stand in
thy lot at the end of the days," came with
power into my, mind, and reproved my rash
desire and request.

My last difficulty was then and there re-
moved; and I returned home at a late hour,
happy in the Lord, without a doubt or a fear
in my soul. I both laid me dowi> in peace and

102 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

slept. I awoke early, and what a siglit! The
heavens declared the glory of God, and the
firmament showed his handy work. The day
uttered its speech, in praise of him who said,
'' Let there be light !^^ All nature lifted up its
hands and voice on high, in adoration and
praise. The deep lifted up its harmonious
tones. I went out with joy and was led forth
with peace: the mountains and hills broke
forth into singing, and all the trees of the field
clapped their hands. Instead of the thorn
came up the fir tree, and instead of the brier
came up the myrtle tree. And the sun in mid-
heaven shone no brighter than did the '' Sun
of Righteousness" in my soul. ^' For the glory
of God did brighten it, and the Lamb was the
light thereof."

For several days I continued in this state of
mind; weeping, praising and adoring. I was
as little inclined to make it public as I had
ever been. I feared it might not last, and
that I would again relapse into darkness and
doubts. Like the man in the parable, I hid
the treasure for a short time. But I felt it to
be my duty to make knov/n the gracious de-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 103

liverance to the brother with whom I had cor-
responded in such a despairing manner. This
I did as follows:

''My dear brother: I am glad I did not go
to the Convention with you; for my mind
might have been diverted from an investiga-
tion that has deeply enlisted my feelings for
years. It has lately shaken my soul to its
centre; about which I have given you some
intimations, by letter and in conversation. But
I am now entirely relieved and perfectly sa-
tisfied. God, for the sake of his dear Son,
has had mercy upon me, and has enabled me
to triumph over all my enemies. He first led
me to the Eed Sea; I was environed on every
side; hotly pursued by cruel, unrelenting foes;
I cried for help. He bade me ''stand still and
see the salvation of the Lord;" the rod of Di-
vine power was stretched out; the waters
parted ; I passed over safely. My enemies es-
saying to follow me, were overthrown, chariot,
horse and rider, and I saw them no more.
'The depths have covered them: they sank
into the bottom as a stone/ I am now on the
banks, ' singing the song of Moses, the servant
of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying,

104 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Great and roarvelous are thy works, Lord God
Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou
Xing of saints.' The bright side of the '' Pil-
lar of Cloud" was turned to me, and the dark
side to my enemies. My sky is now clear, the
sun shines brightly, without an intervening
cloud; my faith is strong in the Lord and in
the power of his might; my hope is firmly fixed
upon the 'Chief Corner Stone;' and my soul is
happy in contemplating the sacrifice, person
and offices of my exalted and glorified Re-
deemer. At last. He has brought me fully in-
to his banqueting house, and his banner
over me is love.

'' To drop figures: The Lord has been gra-
ciously pleased to relieve nae of all the per-
plexing doubts and harrassing fears as to my
acceptance with him, which I have so long en-
tertained. What tormenting guests they have
been! But the^^ are expelled by the power of
the Highest, and that ever recurring question,
Am la Christian! a converted man? is now sett-
led. I have had evidences of my being a son
of God since I last wrote, which it would be
sinful to doubt. I am now satisfied that I was
converted when I first joined the Church of

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 105

Christ; but ray views of the doctrine of justi-
fication by faith in the atoning* sacrifice and
righteous merits of Jesus were so imperfect
that I have been a large portion of my reli-
gious life, miserable. I have been up to this
time, searching for the living among the dead;
searching for a living, perfect righteousness in
in my poor, vile, contaminated soul, to com-
mend me to a holy God; but I had not found
it. What a fruitless search! I have found
nothing but Isaiah's 'filthy rag' righteousness.
But blessed be God! when I turned away from
self, and looked steadfastly at the cross, my
heart was broken; tears, sweet penitential
tears, flowed as they never flowed before. My
soul was a deep fountain of penitence, and my
eyes rivers of tears. It was a precious
Boehim, where tears and joys were sweetly
blended. I loved a reconciled God in the per-
son of Jesus, as I had never loved before. It
was a precious, confiding 'Abba Father' love.
Self, vile, obstrusive self, was renounced, and
I was fully satisfied with God's plan of mercy
and grace. I saw that the Lord Jehovah was
^well pleased' with the sacrificial work of his

106 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

Son, and my soul acquiesced — my faith laid
hold of him as Divine Trinity.

" These views that I have imperfectly des-
cribed, and others beyond the power of des-
cription which I had of the Lord Jesus — sa-
tisfying all the claims of the Divine govern-
ment against me — meeting all my wants —
bearing my sins in his own body upon the
tree — making his work and righteousness my
own — made me inexpressibly happy. And I
now stand ''by faith in this grace, and rejoice
in hope of the glory of God/'^

''I have no controversy with Jehovah. I am
fully satisfied with his entire plan of saving
mercy and grace. I am willing for the Lord
to be God, and to follow him. I have given
myself to him, without reserve, in the bonds
of an everlasting covenant, ordered in all
things and sure. ^Tis a 'covenant of salt,^
it saves my soul from moral putrefaction; a
covenant ratified by vicarious blood, for it
atones for sin and cleanses from all unrigh-
teousness.

"Help me to praise Him; for his goodness
and mercy endure forever. I think of the pas-

l-HE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1

sage oftoD, realizingly, when I look at Jesus,
my sacrifice on Calvary, and my High Priest
in heaven: 'This is my restforever; here will I
dwell; for I have desired it.'"

The brother with whom I was corresponding
had been from the first blessed with clearer
views of salvation than I, and had often
chided me by letter and in conversation for
my want of faith. But when he read the
above, he replied in a letter full of sympathy
and condolence; and apologised lest he should
have given me pain, and congratulated me on
my triumph through the Saviour. To which
I responded in the following manner:

"As for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had
well nigh slipped." — Asaph, in Ps. Ixxvii.

''My dear Brother: — I received from you,
this morning, just such a letter as I expected.
For I knew that, as soon as you understood
that my conflict with the 'wild beasts at Ephe-
sus' was a real one, you would relent and re-
joice with me in my victory. And such, thank
God, has been the result. I shed tears freely
in reading your kind letter. Thank the
Lord! for Christian fellowship and sym-
pathy. No Christian is promoted without fil-

■

108 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACrr.

ling the whole family on earth with joy, if it
is known. And what must be their joy above
who see the end which God has in view in
such a case? For whatever glorifies God,
fills them with exceeding great joy and praise.
Glory be to God! for union with such a fami-
ly. The eyes of all the redeemed in heaven
and on earth are turned to Him, as the foun-
tain of all gracious influences. There we all
meet; and angels rejoice over the union.
Those are sweet passages, Tor in Him dwel-
leth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.
And ye are complete in him, which is the head
of all principality and power.' 'For it pleased
the Father that in him should all fulness dwell.
It is safe, then, and we can draw upon it by
faith, and receive supplies of grace to help in
time of need. To grow in grace, we must go
to this rich depository often; for, as in the
case of the Isrealites, the manna of yesterday
will not do for to-day. We must draw upon
our Fountain Head. To encourage us in this,
Paul has given us a precious morsel: 'Hold-
ing the Head from which all the body by
joints and bonds having nourishment minis-
tered, and knit together, increaseth with the

I

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 109

increase of God.^ I will leave you to com-
ment upon, and apply this passage.

''Do not reflect upon yourself for writing as
you did; I am glad of it. 'Let the righteous
smite me.' It was the Lord's work, and he
perfected it, without the aid of any one, friend
€r foe, I am perfectly satisfied with it; and
to His name bo all the praise! The Lord will
hear prayer, offered in the name of Jesus. I
have long prayed for confirmation in my hope,
and He has graciously granted it. I now
know, not from nature and the Bible alone,
that there is a God in Israel: but the evidence
is in my heart. Peter could say, 'We believe
and are sure, that thou art the Christ, the Son
of the living God.' I think I can humbly say
the same without lying to the Holy Spirit. —
Gentiles saved by grace can appeal to Jeho-
vah and say, 'Doubtless thou art our Father;
though Abraham be ignorant of us, and Israel
acknowledge us not.' What a precious little
word is Abba, to a pardoned and adopted sin-
ner! Boston says, it spells the same thing
both ways. He thinks much of that little
word, and fills it full of meaning. But no
doubt that stern, pious puritan loved the ideas
10

110 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT,

and privileges attached to it infinitely better
than the mere word— loved the things freight-
ed to his soul more than the vehicle that con-
ve^^ed them. 'Abba Father!' My Father! By
the way, I have read that quaint old author
with great profit, lately. God send the Chris-
tian Church man}' such men! I am a seven-
teenth century man in my theology and feel-
ings. I prayed to God for Bible and old-fa-
shioned piety and spirituality. I wanted no
superficial stuff. I have but little patience
with, and taste for, the most of our modern
authors. They are too poor in thought, and
too shallow in piety; and of deep-toned spi-
rituality they seem to have none. If I am
wrong in this charge, God forgive me!

I have no idea of paying the Lord for what
he has done for my soul; but it is my prayer
that he should spare my life, that I may labor
in his vineyard, and do something towards
making up my lost time. I feel that after a
little more preparation in the woods, it will
soon be a pleasure to me to preach the gospel.
I begin to feel and see what Paul meant when
he said, ' I thank God that he counted me
faithful, putting me into the ministry.' I look

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. Ill

back upon my past life with deep regret.
Like penitent Ephraim, 'I bear the reproach
of my youth.' My experience is not unlike
his in Jeremiah 31: 18-20, 'I have surely
heard Ephraim bemoaning himself, thus; thou
hast chastised me, and I was chastised, as a
bullock uQaccustomed to the yoke; turn thou
me, and I shall be turned; for thou are the
Lord my God. Surely after that I was turn-
ed, I repented; and after that I was instruct-
ed, I smote upon my thigh: I was ashamed,
yea, even confounded, because I did bear the
reproach of my youth. Is Ephraim my dear
son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spake
against him, I do earnestly remember him
still; therefore my bowels are troubled for
him; I will have mercy upon him, saith the
Lord.' My life has been a life of vanity and
folly, but the Lord has graciously pardoned,
me. *'Few and evil have been my days,'' said
the godly Jacob; and what should be my con-
fession? 0 that God may spare me; that I
may do something as an instrument, to pro-
mote his cause in the world.

*' I am anxious to see the ministers of our
Association, to give them a word of exhorta-

112 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

tion. I hope I shall be profitable to them,
should the Lord spare me to see them. I feel
the force of the injunction, * When thou art
converted, strengthen thy brethren.' Alas I
for the want of spirituality among ministers
generally. ' The sword shall be upon his
arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be
clean dried up, and his right eye shall be
utterly darkened.' What a fearful doom upon
the 'idol shepherd!' And who is the 'idol
shepherd,' but the man who ' feeds himself,'
as saith Ezekiel? the man who feeds himself
with vanity and folly — who loves ease and
self indulgence, and the applause of men —
who * sacrifices to his own net, and burns in-
cense to his own drag.' The Lord save you
and me from the fearful doom of the ' brutish
pastors that have not sought the Lord.' How
can I indulge in levity, vanity and folly, as I
have done? God forbid!

'' You ask an interest in my prayers. Such
a request I cannot refuse. But I have so
much need for intercession in my own behalf,
that I can think, for the present, of but few.
How troublesome I have been to my merciful
High Priest 1 Surely he has had to intercede

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 113

for me more than any one else. If He could
be wearied, surely I have wearied Him* But
He is full of grace I grace!! grace 11! I v/ill
not forget you, however. I have felt a spirit
of prayer lately, for ministers of the gospel. I
hope the Lord will enlarge my desires for them,
for the Church of Christ, and for the world.

" I would like to see you, that we might
benefit each other more than we have ever
done. I fear I have been in the way of your
religious progress, by my want of spirituality.
Pardon me, I beseech you. I have great rea-
son to be humbled in the dust.

^* And now, dear brother, let us covenant
together to be more faithful to God, more
heavenly minded and pious. It is the lock of
our strength as ministers; take that away and
we ^ shall become weak, and be like other
men.' As Jehu said to Jehonadab, * Is thine
heart right, as my heart is with thy heart?
If it be, give me thine hand.' I am yours, in
the hope of standing ^ without fault before the
throne of God.' "

I still continued in this happy frame of
mind; and in reply to a letter from my friend,

114 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

in answer to the one just read, I expressed
myself thus:

" Grace reigns." — Paul.

" Beloved brother in Christ — The best ncion-
arch that ever assembled a throne on earth, and
reigned over man, is Grace. And strange to
tell, he never reigns without having first to
conquer his subjects — all are rebels to him,
by nature. Other monarchs ascend thrones
hereditarily, and their subjects acquiesce; but
not so with our monarch, Grace. He must
conquer his throne and kingdom. But when
he conquers once, he neither abdicates, nor
suffers himself to be dethroned, like some
earthly princes. He holds on to his domin-
ion with an Almighty energy; the opposition he
meets is but mighty^ hence he is always trium-
phant. He quickens, renews, sanctifies, and
leads on his subjects in the way of peace; pre-
vents their final apostasy, and makes them
'meet for the inheritance of the saints in light.'

" I think he has seldom found (with shame
I write it) a more rebellious, stiff-necked,
sinful and ungrateful subject than I have
been, ever since he undertook my subjuga-

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 115

tion. But I yield. I own him conqueror. I
trust there never will be another rebellion in
my * Mansoul;' for I have found that Imman-
uel does not return to a backslider imme-
diately.

*' I would like if I had time, and I were
sure it would interest you, to give you a full
account of the dealings of God with my soul.
Jeremiah ever had in remembrance the worm-
wood and the gall. Moses never forgot Egypt,
nor the journey through the wilderness; but,
he could rehearse the dealings of God distinct-
ly, just before he ascended Pisgah. And, so
vividly is this new work of grace impressed
upon my soul, that neither time nor eternity
can efface it. * When thou art converted,
strengthen thy brethren.' This I will do, the
Spirit helping me, on all fit occasions. 0 that
God would assist me to stir up his people to
more holy living! Alas! for the low standard
of holiness in the churches. Let us, with
God^s help, come to the perfect stature of a
man in Christ Jesus, that we may do some-
thing towards their spiritual elevation. But,
remember, we must get to that standard our-
selves, before our lever will be strong enough

116 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

to raise them. So long as we are dwarfs in
holiness ourselves, our congregations will be
children in spirituality — 'babes in Christ.'
^Like priest, like people' — how true the proverb.
^'I am, now, forty years old; and I feel that
I am just preparing for the ministry. True, I
have prepared my intellect somewhat, but not
my heart. But it is like wheat, compared to
chaff. And the question is significantly ask-
ed, * What is the chaff to the wheat? saith
the Lord.' I have made myself * the keeper
of vineyards; but mine own vineyard I have
not kept.' Alasl what a wilderness of briers
and thorns which is nigh unto cursing; whose
end is to be burned!' I have lived a selfish
life — a large portion of it ' sacrificing to my
own net, and burning incense to my own
drag,' I have not had wholly, the glory of God
in view, and the praise of Christ before my
mind. The inhabitants of Jericho said to
Elisha, the prophet, 'Behold, we pray thee, the
situation of this city is pleasant, but the wa-
ter is naught, and the ground is barren.' —
This is a true picture of m}^ heart, thus far,
through life. How unfit I have been for a

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. lit

minister of the holy Jesus! How little like
Christ, who is 'a bundle of myrth.'

*' The time is short, and heart preparation
must be made. And * until the day break, and
the shadows flee away, I will get me to the
mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankin-
cense,'— Song", iv: 6. I must live in the moun-
tain, to obtain the sweet savor of Christ in
my soul. I have been sufficiently long *on the
mountain of leopards and in the lions' den.' —
I must be out, and behold the Lord from 'Shinar
and from Lebanon.' I must 'remember Him
from beyond Jordan, from Hermon and from
the hill Mizar.' — Ps. xlii. I have left my
study somewhat; and I spend a good portion
of my time in the woods with my Bible. I
find, after all, 'the secret places of the stairs'
are the best place to prepare for the ministry.
Without secret-prayer-preparation, we are like
Dean Swift's Lilliputians in the ministry of
the word; but, with it, we are spiritual Samp-
sons. When Moses came down to the camp
of Israel from Mount Sinai, after fasting,
praying and conversing with the Lord forty
days and nights, his face shone in a heavenly
manner. Elijah returned from Horeb, after

118 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

hearing the 'still small voice/ destitute of the
feelings he had 'under the juniper tree in the
wilderness of Beersheba/ And the holy Jesus,
after praying and fasting forty days and
nights in the wilderness of Judea, and after
his temptation, 'returned into Galilee in the
power of the Spirit.' Time would fail me to
speak of others. Our heavenly Father will
reward us openly, if we pray to him in secret,
ilnd the greatest reward a godly minister
wishes, is success in his work.

*' I am trying to preach Christ to the people;
but surely the Lord will not speak through
such an unsanctified man. As yet, the vessel
is too unholy for the Spirit to dwell in, I fear.
'Be ye clean, ye that bear the vessels of the
Lord.' The Israelites by their unfaithfulness
left much of the land, given to Abraham in
covenant, in possession of the Canaanites; in
like manner my want of faith, and lack of
conformity to Christ, has given the Adversary
such a hold in my churches, that it will re-
quire much labor and toil, 'strong crying and
tears,' to dislodge him. 'As for the Jebusites
the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of
Judah could not drive them out; but the Je-

THE grXce of god magnifed. 119

bumtes dwell with the children of Judah at
Jerusalem unto this day/ — Josh, xv: 33. 0
for the spirit of David, the king, to go up and
smite them, ^and take the castle of Zion'/ —
True, I speak with more earnestness than I
did before this blessed work was wrought in
my soul; but I need more grace to warm this
cold heart, that I may speak like an account-
able man to accountable men.

" Write soon, and do say something to rouse
me up. I need quickening every moment, I
am tempted to think you will accuse me of
boasting. Be it so. I will boast and glory
in Christ. But should I forget, and boast and
glory in the flesh, the Lord will rebuke me.
I am in his hands; He has begun the w^ork,
and he will finish it, 'to the praise of the glo-
ry of his grace.' Let us meet often at a
throne of Grace. I am yours, in 'covenant of
salt.' "

On December 23d, 1851, of that memorable
year of my souPs existence, I wrote to another
friend of mine, and in a paragraph alluded to
the subject. My deliverance was about the
first of June of that year; and the reader will

120 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

see by reading the extract of December 23d,
the state of my mind at that time. I then say:
*' The year is drawing to a close, and a me-
morable year it has been to me. I have this
year decided a question that has long per-
plexed me: Whether 1 was a child of God or notl
I would like to spend a few hours with you, to
inform you how good the Lord has been to me,
a poor sinner. I have had evidences of my
acceptance with God this year, which it would
be sinful to doubt. I sought them by earnest,
constant prayer; and the Lord heard me and
had mercy upon my soul, and lifted it out of
the deep waters. In my distress I came to
the Eed Sea; the rod of the covenant was
stretched out, and all my enemies were over-
thrown, horse and rider. I am on my journey
through the wilderness, with the cloud over
me by day, the pillar of fire by night, and the
stream from the rock ever present. I some-
times get into 'darkness and have no light,'
but I trust in the Lord, and stay my soul upon
the mighty God of Jacob. The covenant! the
covenant!! it will stand, and Jehovah will do
all his pleasure. At last I have attained to
Job^s resolution, from my heart, 'though he

THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 121

slay me, yet will I trust in him.' What more
can a poor sinner do? The Master requires no
more. The atonement of Christ, how interes-
ting to my soul; and the mediation of the ex-
alted Jesus, how precious! But why need I
speak of Christ in a divided sense? He is a
whole and perfect Savior. He is every thing
to my soul. I need nothing else for salvation.
As I behold and gaze upon Him, he increases^
and I decrease. What John said of Jesus, ^ He
must increase, but I must decrease,' is true of
my daily experience. How poor am I in every
thing that would commend one to God, and
how rich is He in all things! I am poorer
this year, yea, this moment, in myself than I
ever was before; but richer in faith, righteous-
ness and true holiness. I can say with Paul,
*I protest unto you that I die daily' to self-
righteousness; but Jesus lives as I am cruci-
fied in the flesh. I now know what Paul
meant when he said, I have no confidence in
the flesh.' 'The elder shall serve the younger.'
This is being fulfilled in me. 'The elder,' the
flesh, is serving 'the younger,' the spirit. Help
me, my brother, to praise the Lord for his
goodness and grace."
11

122 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT.

With this extract I close my narrative. If
the reader wishes to know my religious state
now, I could say much; but I refer him to the
closing paragraph. I still rest upon those
precious doctrines and ideas, while the Holy
Spirit is pleased to enlarge my views of them.
I am a redeemed, saved sinner, trusting alone
in Jesus for salvation. I have ceased to look
into myself for anything to commend me to
God. I turn away from every thing but
Christ, and set him always before my face. I
labor to promote his cause with my feeble in-
strumentality; but there is no merit in it; it
is done as a servant. I have had no conflicts
since; because I have ceased to look at self,
and I look at none but Jesus. He is able and
willing to save me, and I have given my soul
into his hands. In him, reader, if you are a
Christian, we shall stand in the last day
'^ without fault before the throne of God."

j! — ^

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