PR
2199
G7
1911
|'rcsentcd to
TtlE LIBRARI
VICTORIA UNIVERSITY
bv
A.J. Bell
B.R.'s Greenes Newes
I593
Greenes
Funeralls
B. R.-- R. B.
Greenes Newes both from
Heauen and Hell
593
and
Greenes Funeralls
1594
Reprinted from the original editions
with Notes, &c., by
R. B. MKerrow
Published for the Editor by
SIDGWICK & JACKSON, LTD.
3 Adam Street, Adelphi
LONDON.
IgII
INTRODUCTORY NOTE
TH two tracts here reprinted are not otherwise connected than
by the fact that they are both concerned with Robert Greene, for
Collier's conjecture that Greene's Funerals as well as Greene's News
from Heaven and Hell was the work of Barnabe Rich 1 seems to merit
little attention. Both tracts are ver), rare--so far as I ara aware
neither bas been reprinted since its original publication --and it
seemed a pity that they, almost alone of the related pamphlet
literature, should remain inaccessible to the vast majority of students.
The first, at least, is b), no means without merit. While it is indeed
somewhat of a patchwork, and hardly fulfils the promise of its title,
the story of the fraud on a mercer is decidedly well told, as is also
the older and coarser jest of the millet. For Greene's Funerals less
can be said, and it must be confessed that the pamphlet is almost
entirely without literary value, but it seems worth notice as being,
apart from the writings of Nashe, almost the only attempt in defence
of Greene. It bas also the merit of brevity.
The tracts are reproduced page for page and line for line. 3 The
ornaments used are similar to those of the originals, but certain
accidental irregularities bave hot been followed. The primer of
Greene's Funerals seems to bave been quite indifferent to whether
the characters composing the borders at head and foot of his pages
were the right way up or hot.
I bave given a list of Irregularities and Doubtful Readings, and
a ver), few notes will be round at the end of the book. The language
t Bibliograpbical dccount» i. xvii*.
* It i, true that in hls Bibliograpbia Poetica, 1502, pp. x24-5, Ritson speaks of
a 1604 edition of Greends Funerals, but It seems probable that the date i, merely
an er[or.
I bave, however, used the blank leaf» H 4, of the first tract for a half-tltle
to the eecond.
V
Introductory Note.
of Greene's News is of some interest, and I bave thereIore included
a number of words and phrases in the index. Nares seems the onl7
lexicographer to bave ruade use of the work.
x. Greene's News from Heaven and Hell
This tract wa- entered in the Stationers' Register on February 3,
,59z-3, as follows :
Thomas Adarns Entred for his Copie vnder the bande of toaster Styrrop, war-
John Oxenbridge/ den. Greenes newes bothe from Heaven and HelL &c.. vj ! S. !
It bears no printer's naine, and the device upon the tltle-page,
a landscape surrounded b a circular hand bearing the words ' MAR-
CANTIA REALE ', is hot otherwise known to me. Neither Adams
nor Oxenbridge seems ever to bave engaged in printing.
The initials B.R. on the title-page are generally supposed to
stand for Barnabe Rich, and though we cannot regard this as abso-
lutely certain, ail the available evidence seems to point to its being
correct. Among other things, the following appear to favour Rich's
authorship of the work :
I. The references to lreland, as in the Dedication and on page 57-
Rich served in that country from I573 to the rime of his death 0617) ,
though he seems to bave paid occasional visits to London and to
the Netherlands.
2. The strongly anti-Roman tone of the whole book, which i8
exactly in accordance with that of Rich's acknowledged writings.
3- The reference to the neglect suffered by old soldiers (on pp.
61-2). This was a common subject of complaint with Rich, though
indeed there seem to be few, if any, soldier authors of the da who
bave hot something to sa}, on the point.
4- Of the various editions of Rich's works at least ten, dating from
I592 to I616 were printed for Thomas Adams, and two, in 1598 and
599, for John Oxenbridge.
The work is of great rarity, a There is a copy in the British Museum
(C. 4 o. d. 39), but none in the Bodleian, and only about three others
t Arber, Trancript, ii. 626.
In bi8 edition of the Dramatic Works oJ Gretnt D¥ce remarked that he had
never 8een the book (ont-vol. ed., p. 80).
vi
Introductory Note.
are known to be in existence. Itis a quarto ol the usual size, the
preliminary marrer being in roman and italic type, the text of the
work in black-letter, with the customary roman for names and italic
for Latin phrases. In the present reprint roman type bas, for con-
venience of reading and to save expense, been substituted or black-
letter, and in the text italic type bas been used for the roman as well
as the italic of the original, x This does not, however, apply to the
ride-page, epistle, heading on p. 7 or rurming ride, ail of vhich
remain in roman or italic as in the original
A peculiarity of p. 5 (B. 4) must be mentioned here. In the
original, 11. 5-z4, z7-35, with the exception o one or two words,
most mysteriously appear to be in a different fount of type from that
in which the rest of the book is printed. The face of the type is
much the saine as that used elewhere, if not identical with it, but
the body of the type is distinctly narrower, and, as may be seen in
the reprint, the lines hold more than the usual number of letters.
I can oEer no explanation of the peculiarity. Perhaps something
was omitted from these passages, and the printer, happening to bave
the narrower ount, used it to save overrunning, or perhaps, as wa
sometimes donc, the type was set up at the compoitor's own home,
and the printer ruade corrections in a fount which he happened to
bave at hand.
. Greene' s Funerals
This tract was entered in the Stationers' Register on February ,,
593-4, as follows :
John Danter -/- Entred lot lais Copie vnder thandes o bothe the wardene a booke
intituled Greene his funeralles via *
The identity of the R. B. whose initials appear on the title-page is
In the case of tlae punctuatlon, however, I bave had to modify thl« fuie and only
ue italc when the original punctuatlon is italic or when the punctuation belong,
exduively to a pase wh¢h, being roman in the original bas been altered to
italic in the reprint. The reason for thi is that in the original mot bracketa and all
emi-colon, used to punctuate the blark-letter, as well a, man), colons, are roman.
It would bave given a needlessly odd appearance to the text to repreent ail the«e
by italic.
Arber Trancript ii. 644. b
vil
Introductory Note.
uncertain. By Ritson it was stated that the author of the work was
' supposed ' tobe Richard Barnfield, t who seems indeed tobe the ordy
known writer of the da), with these initiais to whom it could reason-
abl), be attributed. There exists, however, a poem by ' R. B. Gent.'
entitled OrheuJ bD ourncy to HelI, published in 159 $, and the
initials also appear in some trifling productions of about x58o.
The correctness of this attribution to Barnfield is ver), generall),
dispute& Dyce in the Introduction to his edition of the Dramati¢
lt:orJ of Grttnt 2 doubts whether the work is hot too poor to be
Barnfield's, and Collier, in his History of Englisl Dramatit Pottry,
x831, iii. 47, states that it is certainl)' unworth)' of him. In his
Bibliograbical dctount of tbt Rartst Book, i. xvii*, he suggests that
R. B. stood for Barnabe Rich.
It may, I think, at once be said that if Grttnt' NtwJfrom Htavtn
and Hell is rightly attributed to Rich, Grttnt' Funtral« cannot
possibly be his. The attitude taken towards Greene in the two tracts
seems to be far too different for them to be the work of the saine
author. Further, had Rich been a friend and defender of Greene
we should hot have expected another friend and defender, Thomas
Nashe, to refer to him in such a contemptuous wa)' as he does in
his Have with you to Saffron-l/Faldtn. A last argument, perhaps of
slight importance, may be derived from the presence at the end of
Greene's FuneraD of two sers of verses by Richard Stanyhurst. Rich,
who was a sturdy Protestant, had met Stanyhurst, a Catholic, at
Antwerp, apparently some time between 582 and 592, and seems
to have conceived a violent animosity against him, to which he gives
expression in more than one of his works. It is, however, but fait
to say that we do hot know that Rich's dislike of Stanyhurst dates from
their first meeting, and further, that it is hot certain that the two
pieces in question were added to the book at R. B.'s desire. The),
bave no connexion with what goes before, and may well have been
inserted by the printer to fill a couple of blank pages. Indeed, the
idea of Greene solacing his last moments b)' reciting Stanyhurst'$
English hexameters has about it a certain grotesqueness which raakes
one hesitate to attribute it to a serious admirer.
Bibliograpbia Poaica 18o2, pp. tz4- 5.
One-vol. ed., p. 39-
Introductory Note.
The evidence for Barnfield's authorship consists chiefly in the
initiais, but there is one other slight point in favour of attributing
the book to him, namely, the great similarity between the English
hexameters of sonnet vii and the verses in the saine meter entitled
' Helen's Rape' at the end of the dffectionate Shepherd, i594, which
Barnfield acknowledges to be his. For the rest, it must be remem-
bered that if the work is indeed Barnfield's it is probably earlier in
date than anything else of his which we have, and that as he was
born in June I574, he would only bave been in his nineteenth or
at most twentieth year at the time of writing it. There seems little
evidence to be derived from the style, but it is worth noticing that
twice in these few poems the rhetorical figure of anaphora is used
(p. 72, 11. t-4, and p. St, ll. I-4), a figure of which Barnfield seems
to have been particularly fond. 1
The objections against the attribution of the work to Barnfield
are firstly, the existence of the other work by R. B., namely, Orpheus
is ourney to Hell, 1595, wKich no one seems ever to bave imagitxed
to be his, and secondly the preface to Barnfield's Cynthia, 59, where
he speaks of that work as his ' second fruites ', and refers to the
.4ffectionate Shepherd as the first, ' howsoeuer undeseruedly (I protest)
I haue beene thought (of some) to haue beene the authour of two
Books heretofore. ' These are undoubtedly strong objections, and
certainly seem of more force than the arguments on the opposite side,
but yet I ara hOt sure that Barnfield's disclaimer of tlxe authorslxip of
other works than the two above mentioned excludes the possibility
of the' R. B.' of Greene's Funerals having been intended by the pub-
lisher to stand for his name, and there being really something of his
in the work. Danter, in his preface, says that the verses were pub-
lished without the author's knowledge. May he hot bave got hold
t Compare his Poems, ed. Arber, pp. 2o, st. 5 ; 28, st. 5 ; 3 t, st. 5 i 3$, st. 3 ;
and often.
Poem$, ed. Arber, p. 44- Attention seems first to bave been caIled to this b)'
Collier in his Hist. Eng. Dr. Poetry, I831 , i. xxviii. There is some doubt as to the
identity of the two books which Barnfield disdaims. Greene'$ Funeral$ ma), well
have been one ! but Orpbeu$ bis îourney to Hell tan hardl), bave been the other,
for, as Mr. Arber points out (Poems, p. xx), that work was hot entered in the
Stationers' Register until six months later than Cyntbia.
ix
Introductory Note.
o one or two unfinished lieces o Barnfield's never intended for
publication, and eked them out by the addition of a few fragments
of rubbish written by some one whom he had about the place, or even
by himself ? If this were the case Barnfield could hardly be blamed
or attempting to dissociate himself altogether from the pamphlet,
which was indeed a credit to no one concerned.
The book is extremely rare, and the only copy of which I have
been able to hear is the one in the Bodleian Library (Tanner zI7),
from which the present reprint has been ruade.
! It is clear that Barnfield must have been beglnnlng to get some reputatlon in
literary circles, for otherwise he would hOt have been roub]ed by any one attributlng
to him the books--whatever they were--which he disdaims in his Cyntbia.
LIST OF
IRREGULARITIES, DOUBTFUL READINGS, ETC.
In ' reene'« Funerah ' I inore de try numerou« case« of a roman Ittter ued
for an ira/Je and "oic« *,ceca, a: vell a most of the jrregularitJe« of , Ounctuation.
t. t t Anno. Domlni.
5. ! 6 hearing]2hrarA af ter thi« word,
probaMy raerely dirt.
6. I )] Italk raclets are throughout
I do hOt te the«e.
. -8 con-ciets,
8 qnar
8. 31 Tormk]May pusib be Toi-
oyle.
9" 2-3 fome-time
7 quyetly, trauelling
I*. ] geneeofitie
13. ]8 Coueons
14. 15 company] lark,»bab dirt.
I5.15-35] On the«e net tee lntro-
ductory Note, p. vil
16. 1-2 continue the
34 foole
17. o- frau-delent
19. 6 Rowed
9. 35 atruth,
zz. 33 Cornation
a 3. 6 told
z4. 8 withall
zS. 19 by
Z I your felfe] Po«sÆNy hyphened.
3 z a long
37 tell ;] Po««ily a comma.
z6. z 3 other] Marl, p'oably dit#.
u7. z8 doo vfo
z8. 4 her?
9- 6 S, ou laide
14 foorfooth ?
zU Su intelegitur,] Siace a little
58. z 3 long.] Possily omma.
60. 7-8 the the
z 3 praifes; Then
z 9 ans' ] . read my
6z. 8 ment
7 . o flo«nt
Xl
List of Doubtful Readings.
22 rltn
80. I I an
81 Sonnet, IX.] The X is of a
«mall fount and taa droded.
83. 13 XI.] Tb¢ stap a dropptd a
8f. 6 Pudddle
x x the
86. relinguilh,
6 precpts
Part of the lower border of tis
87. f partieipiates
xii
GREENES NEWES BOTH FROM
HEAVEN AND HELL.
B7B. R.
GREENES
Newes both from
Heauen and Hell.
Prohibited the firR for writing of
Bookes, and banifhed out of the lai} for
difplaying of Conny-
catcher«.
Commended to the Preffe
By B. R.
AT LONDON,
Printed, Anno. Domini.
1593.
ç;To the renowned Gregory Cool]e,
chiefe Burgermailer of the Caffle of Clonarde,
Marqueffe of merry conceits, and Grande Caualier amongf
Boune companions and all good fellowflaip; At his
chafe Chamber at Dublyne in Irelande,
B. R. fendeth greeting.
T was my fortune (Sir)
not long rince, to trauaile between
1 Pancredge Church & Pye-corner,
o beeing fomewhat late in the Eue-
ning, about an houre after the fet-
ting of the Sunne: and caffing vp
mine eæes towardes the skæes , to
beholde the twinckling OEarres
5 that had then but newl æ difcoue-
red themfelues, I might fee how the Man of the Moone was
beating of his dogge. Thys fearefull afpec"t did wonderfullie
daunt mee, with doubt of fome angry accident that might
thortl æ betide me; And I had hot paced man), feppes, but
2o dire&l æ in the path before me, there appeared a mof griflie
ghof wrapt vp in a theete, his face onelï difcouered, with a
penne vnder his eare, and holding a fcrowle of written paper
in his hande. I croffed the way of purpofe to thunne him, but
croffe as I could he was euer-more before mee, that parle I
2 might hot, vnleffe I thould runne ouer him; I remembred
my felfe how old Fathers were wont to fay, that Spirits in uch
cales, had no power to fpeake to an), man, vntill the æ were
firf fpoken vnto, and therefore taking vnto me a confrained
courage» I asked him what he was, & what was his meaning
A to
The Epifle.
to trouble mee in my paffage ? who aunfwered thus. I am
(faide he) a Spirite, yet feare thou nothing, for my comming
is not to doe thee any manner of harme, but to requef a mat-
ter at thy handes which thou maif not denay me, for thou
muf vnderfand, I am the fpirite of Robert Greene, hOt vn- 5
knowne vnto thee (I am fure) by my naine, when my wry-
tings lately priuiledged on euery pof, hath giuen notice of
my naine vnto infinite numbers of people that neuer knewe
me by the view of my perfon.
The matter that I would requef thee to performe, is the xo
committing of thefe papers to the Preffe, wherein, becaufe I
haue there manifefed the very drift of mine owne deuife, I
may therefore be the more fparing vnto thee, in relating the
circumfances: thys may fuffife, nor faile not thou to doe as
I haue willed thee. 5
Heere-withall, popping the papers into my hand, I can
not tell what account I fhould make of his departure, or whe-
ther I might fay he flew into the atre, or funck into the earth,
he was fo fuddainly vanifht out ofmy fight, but I was gladde
I was ridde of his companie, and home-wards I went hafilie 2o
to my Iodging: where calling for a light, I began by my felfe
to perufe ouer thefe lynes, wherein I founde fuch a meffe of
altogether, that I knew not what I fnould make of the med-
lie.
Spyced it was heere and there with Myfllin , a kinde of2;
graine that is ruade of Knaue and Rye, mixed both together,
pleafurable it was in many places to be read, and therefore fit-
tet for melancholie humors. And bethinking mee of my
freendes to whom I might commend it, in the end I refolued
of your owne good felfe: and the rather finding it to be de- 3o
lightfull and pleafant, I thought it a fit reforatiue to recall
you from that melancholie conceite, that hath fo long peferd
your braines, for the Ioffe of a Myll, difmembred and fhaken
downe by the rage of a pelting puffe of winde, but fuch a
paultry tempef flaould not difmay a man of your fpyrite, 3;
when it is well knowne to euery Gamfer, that although the
knaue of trumpes be the fecond Carde at Mawe, yet the
fiue-finger
[4]
The Epifile.
fiue-finger may commaunde both him and all the rett of the
pack. I could tel you a raie (Maifier Gregory) of an Affe, who
leauing the place where he was firtt foald, fortuned to ttray
into a firange Forrett, and finding the beafies of that Defart
15 to be but fimple, and had neuer feene the maiettie of the Ly-
on, neyther had they felt the cruelty of the Tygar, nor had a-
ny manner of wayes beene wronged by the opprefsions of
the Leopard, the Beare, the Panther, or any other deuouring
or rauening beattes.
o Thys paltry Affe, feeing their fimple plainneffe, founde
meanes to wrap himfelfe in a Lyons skinne, and then with
proude lookes and loftie countenaunce, raunging among the
Heardes, he would firetch out his filthy throate, bellowing
and braying (as nature had taught him) with fo hideous and
1 horrible a noyfe, that the poore beattes that were within hys
hearing beganne already to tremble & fb.ake for feare. Thel
he began to tyrannife, commaunding what himfelfe pleafed
amongtt them, and not contenting himfelfe with that obey-
lance, which had beene fit for an honorable beatt, and more
2o then was due to an Affe, would many times take vppon him
fome duties proper to the perfon of the Lyon himfelfe: and
in the end became a notable fb.eepe-byter, worrying and de-
uouring whole flockes of poore fb.eepe, that happened with-
in his precin&e or iurifdi&ion.
,,; The Wolfe that had layne all this while clofe amongft
the Mountaines, and hauing gotten vnderttanding of the na-
ture and difpofition of this Affe, thought him a fit compani-
on for his confortflayppe, and combyned with him in fuch a
ffeendly league, that betweene them, the one taking opportu-
:30 nity to filtch and tteale i1 the night, the other vfing his tyrany
to rauen and deuoure in the day, the poore harmeleffe Catfle
that liued within their reach, were ttil oppreffed, & neuer free
fr6 perril. The Affe grew to that greatnes that he was furna-
med Taruinius fuperbus, not that Taruine that rauifled Lu-
cretia of her honour» but it was that Tarquine that rauiflaed a
Church of her lyuings: and an Aile I founde him, and fo I
will leaue him.
A 3 Perad-
The Epiitle.
Peraduenture (Ma. Gregory) you expe&ed a wifer con-
clufion, but what would you looke to come from a man that
hath beene lately fo skarred with fprites, that he hath hot yet
recouered the right vfe of his fences : it ma), be true that de-
uils are afraid to paffe by a croffe, but I am fure knaues are ;
not afraide to fhroude themfelues behinde a Condite. You
.may perceiue (Syr) my wits are lette a wandering, but know-
mg your difcretion enough to conceiue my meaning, I will
trouble you no further, but with this abrupt conclufion will
bid you hartily farewell. o
l%ur atFured freend.
13. Ro
Cr Greenes newes both from
Heauen and Hell.
]that a deade man Pnoulde acquaint you with
5 [newes, for it is I, I per le I, Robert Greene, in
[Artibus Magifler, he that was wont to foli-
. Icite your mindes with many pleafant con-
ciets» & to fit your fancies at r leaf euery qnarter of the yere,
with frange & quaint deuifes, bef befeeming the feafon, and
o mof anfwerable to your pleafures. Hauing therfore fo ma-
ny rimes taken the true meafure of your appetites, & finding
the ver), height of your difpofitions inclined to nouelties, that
you might the rather fee howe willing I am to fatif-fie your
humors, I haue fent you heere the whole difcourfe of my ad-
o5 uentures, what hath betyde mee rince I left the terreffiall
worlde, with a very true report of my infernall trauailes.
Strange peraduenture for you to vnderfand of, but for the
truth of the matter, if you thall any where fand in doubt, doo
but compare the place with that golden volume of Legenda
2o Aurea, or with the workes of that famed wife man Syr
Thomas More, in his Booke of Quoth I to your freend, and
quoth your freend to me, in his difcourfe of Eutopia, & The
fupplication of foules in Purgatory. If your confcience be
yet fcrupeld, and that thefe authentike authorities will hot
25 fully fatif-fie you: turne ouer then to the Remiflz Teflament »
and leauing the Chapters and wordes of the Euangelites,
looke into the notes inferted by that holy fraternitie of le-
" Juites, and that bleffed broode of 8eminaries, and tel me then
if you do not find matter feeming more incredible thê any by
3o me here alleaged, and yet I date boldly auouch it, (and that
without bluflaing) if you confider duly of the circumfiances,
you
[7]
Greenes newes
you fhall finde no leffe caufe to laugh at the one, then to be-
leeue the other. Hauing thus prepared }tour mlndes to re-
ceiue the certaintie of my difcourfe» now likewife lette open
}tour eares, and be attentiue to the relU, for thus it foloweth.
When pittiles Deat had fommoned my fouie to leaue his
tranfitory efate, infufing his frofy humour through all the
parts of my body, leaulng my breatkles corps a fitte pray for
the (epulcher» my deceafed ghof wandring now to and fro in
many obfcure & vnknown waies, defirous to find a place of
relU, at the length lighted into a fraight and narrow tra&, fo
ouergrowne with bryers & brambles, that there was almof
no paffage left, and as it flaould feeme vnto me, did lead vnto
(orne ruinated place» where all former trade & traffique was
decayed, the folitarines wherof (me thought) was bef befit-
ting & anfwerable to my humor : fo that with great diflîculty
fcratching through the buflaes, it brought me at the length to
the foote of a mighty feepe Hil, whofe height I was hot able
to difcerne, but by the vnpleafantnes of " path, leading ouer
monfrous Rocks craggy & ill fauoured to parle, I perceiued
it to be the high way to Heauen. But flaould I tel you heere
the toile r 1 had to climbe this Mountaine, with what labor
I attained it, how many breathings I tooke by the way be-
lote I could reach it, what folly I round in my felfe to vnder-
take it» and flaould I difcribe vnto you at large howe many
inconueniences they finde that vndertakes thys paffage to
Heauen, peraduenture I might (o difcourage you, that a
great number would neuer defire to come there at all, but
thys I can allure you for }tour better comforts, he that bath
a willing minde to vndertake thys trauaile, let hym bring
with hym a potfle of that lyquour, which I was wont to
drinke with my Hofeffe, at the Redde latteffe in Tormoyle
flreete, and hee flaall finde it more auailable in the furthe-
ring of hys iourney, then a whole poke full of the Popes
pardons.
When I was gotten vp to the toppe of the Hill, after
that I had a little panted for breath, looking forwarde ouer
a fayre greene, (as my high way did dire& mee) I myght
percelue
both ffom Heauen and Hell.
perceiue (a litfle diftant from mee) where two were faf to-
gether by the eares: weapons they had none, more than
their bare fifres, but with them they laide on fuch load, that I
perceiued the one was loath to remayne in the others debt;
and I fomewhat mending my pace, when I was come vnto
them, prefently knew them both to be of mine olde acquain-
taunce, the one Veluet breeches, the other Cloth &reeches,
betweene whom I had (not long before) beene a fickler, and
(as I fuppofed) had taken a quyet order betweene them for
ending ofall controuerfies. But they neuer the more vppon
my ariuall forbare the one the other, but fometimes with
downe-right blowes, enough to haue feld a Bullocke: fome-
rime with bobbes at the lippes, able to haue dafht out theyr
teeth: otherwhiles lugging one an other by the eares, as if
they had committed fome off'ence in lifning too lighfly after
foolifh fpeeches: but Veluet breeches being in the French
fafhion, with a goodly locke hanging downe his left cheeke,
wherin Cloth reeches had fo fnarled his fingers, that when
I thruf in betweene them to haue parted them, I could not
pluck away his hand, tyll he had pluckt away hayre and ail
that he had holde on: but hauing once put them a funder, I
wild them as they were men to hold their hands, why (qd. I)
doo you know what you doo, or doo you remember the place
where you are ? I ara fure wee be hot farre from Heauen
gates, and if S. Peter fhould vnderfand of your abufe, I
knowe he would commit you both to the Porters Lodge.
Ielua tweeches, who was fo farre out of breath that hee
was hot able to fpeake, in the end, when he had a while well
blufred and blowne, deliuered mee thefe words.
This bafe fellowe, whom I haue euer difdayned, and al-
though in out late controuerfie, by the inconfideration of a
partial/ Iurie, he preuayled againf me, fentence being giuen
on his ride, the which I thinke dooth incourage him the ra-
ther in his prefumption toward mee, but I euer fcorning
him, denying him (as he is) vnworthy to conuerfe with a
Genfleman of an)- qual/itie or trayning vp: and as I was
yerwhiles qu)'ed)', trauelling all alone in a folitarie mufe,
B how
Grccncs ncwcs
how I mght bchauc my fc]fc whcn I cne to hcaucn, what
falutations I might render to the Saints, with what grace
I might giue the Bafeles maries to the Monarches and great
Princes that had raigned in the world, and what counte-
nance I might carry, beit befeeming a Gentleman of my re- 5
putation & calling, newly comming amongoE fo many itran-
gers of al forts, amongoE whom I was altogether vnknown,
and had no manner of acquaintance: as I was painfully and
with great diflàcultie trauelling vp the hill, in thefe & other
like cogitations, this barbarous fellow (whofe rude training o
vp hath better inabled him to indure labour & toile, than thofe
that haue lyued in pleafure & eafe) was followed hard at my
heeles before I was aware of him, which in truth at the firoE
ruade me halfe afraide, but looldng back & feing who it was,
my feare was turned into difdaine, and my OEomacke mer-,5
uailoufly began to fwell againoE him: but without any man-
ner of word fpeaking vnto him I kept my way, the which be-
ing fo ftraight (as you know) that there can paffe but one at
once, I held him behinde me, till I was gotten vp to the very
height of the hill, where the paffage growing more fpacious, 2o
he makes no more adoe at the matter, but without any word
fpeaking tteps afore, & began to hold on his way as though I
had beene but his man, and fhould haue waited on him in his
iourney, the which my ttomacke not able to brooke, I reproo-
ued his malipart faucineffe; he by and by began to grow in- 2.;
to comparifons, both of my felfe and my petegree, when it is
well knowne that leluet lreeches was neuer leffe than a
Gentleman, and Cloth lreeches neuer more than a Pefant,
and that I haue euer kept company, where fuch a vaffell as
he is might be afhamed to fhew his face, and therefore holde 30
it in great fcorne, that he fhould take the way of me, now tra-
uelling to fo glorious a prefence. Cloth breeches, that fiood
all this while with his head hanging on the one ride, and by-
ting of his nether lyppe, aunfwered hirn thus.
kéluet breeches, touching thy parentage, from whence 35
thou art defcended, what thou maioE claime for thy gentilitie,
and how thou maintayneoE thy brauery, thou knowef hath
beene
both from Heauen and Hell.
beene already fufficienfly difputed vppon betweene vs, and
by the verdi& of a Iury, (whom thou falfly accufeoE of incon-
riderat partiality) they haue pronounced againf thee, and de-
creede on my ride, the which fentence, vntill by a new tryall
thou doott feeke to auerre, thou art not till then able to auoid
I wil not therfore reitterate any matter already handled and
fully concluded, but briefly to aunfwere thy paffed fpeeches ;
Thou faydtt thou wert halfe afraide when I firtt ouertooke
thee, and I beleue thee, for I perceiued by thy blufhing, that
either thou watt in doubt of a Cunable, that had follow-
ed thee with Hue and crye, or of a Bayliffe, with a writ out
of the Kings Bench, that had corne to arref thee: for the
geneeofitie thou braggett of, acknowledging thy felfe to be a
gentleman, & accounting me for a pefant, I will deale plainly
with thee in that : there be fome fooles in deede like thy felfe,
that doo cal thee Matter Veluet breeches, & mee they call good-
man Cloth breeches, but looke generally through al the parts
of England, and you flaall fee the goodman Cloth breeches at
home keeping good Hofpitalitie, when Ma. Veluet breeches
fels away his houle, or keepes his doores flnut and will not be
fpoken withall: for the company which thou faytt thou hatt
kept, wher I might be aflnamed to flaew my face, I know not
wher it flnold be, vnleffe in fome brothel houle, for thofe be the
places where thou mof frequentett: wherin thou hatt truely
fpokê, for there in deed I would be much aflnamed to be feene.
l/éluet breeches would faine haue replyed, but that I in-
terrupted him in thefe words, faying.
My Mafters and very good friends both, I perceiue you
haue not read al my bookes, which I haue purpofly put forth
for the benefite of my Countrymen, for if you had but feene
Greenesfarewell to folly, me thinkes the bare tytle, without
turning ouer leafe to looke further into the matter, might
haue moued you to this confideration, that the very ground
of your contention is meere folly and fiat fooliflanes, the which
you flnould haue flnaken hands withall, and fo to haue bid it
adieu, taking a faire farewel of a foule ouerright: and in one
other of my bookes, called Greenes groats worth of wit: why,
if there were but one peny worth of wit equally difributed
B betweene
Greenes newe$
betweene you both, you would neuer vfe to quarrell, & fal to-
gether by the eares as you trauell by the way: blame me hot
my good Countrymen, though I vfe bitter exp.ulfiues to expel
your groffe errors, you are trauelling I percelue to a place of
bleffed peace & quiet relU, what wold you think to enter with
malicious mindes ? no, the Porter is circumfpe&, & can looke
narrowly into mens difpofitions. You Mailler I/'eluet
breeches, you are a Gentleman, and you are brauely futed
& gallantly apparrelled, and you peraduenture will looke for
preheminence : but doo you think that either your great tytle
or gay clothes will any thing at ail ftand you in feede: no,
for S. Peter will firf looke into your Scutchine, (for if you
be a Gentleman you muf flaewe your armes, otherwife you
will be proued but a counterfeit, and thofe S. Peter cannot
abide) and if there flaall be found either in the coate or cref,
any bloody or cruell beaf, any rauenous or deuouring foule,
or any other marke or token whatfoeuer, whereby it may ap-
peare, that your gentry hath beene aduaunced by rape, by
rauen, by bribery, by deceipt, by oppreffion, by extortion, by
vfury, by periury, and to make fhort, by any manner of fraud
and fubtiltie, you are vtterly vndoone, he will locke the gates
againf you, hee will hot fuffer you to enter. And you good-
man Cloth breeches, peraduenture you vnder your fimple
attyre and homely habit, you thinke fo find fo much the more
fauour: but I can tell you it will hot ferue the turne, for S.
Peter fhuts out fortie falfe knaues in a yeere, that corne cree-
ping thether in Fryers coates, and Monkes Coules.
I ara now to put you in mind of an other of my Bookes,
called Greenes neuer too late: 0 that you had but read ouer
that Booke in time, but nowe it is too late for me to fpend
fuch wiflaes, and more later for you to redreffe your former
follyes, it refeth then that we agree together like friends,
and trauell together like louing Countreymen: let vs hot
exhibite complaints one againf an other, for you flaall finde
we flaall be charged with matters more than we flaall well
be able to aunfwere.
Truely laid Ieluet breeches, your wife perfwafions bath
fo
both from Heauen and Hell.
fo lenefied my cholloricke paflîon, that I am contented for
this prefent iourney, to adroit of Cloth breeches as a compa-
nion: neither is it himfelfe that I doe fo much difpife, but his
meane and fimple attyre.
And for my part (anfwered Cloth breeches) I tan be ¢on-
tented to paffe in friendly maner with l/'eluet breeches: ney-
ther is it his gay apparrell that I find fault withall, but with
his feuerall and fundry abufes.
Well then (laid I) I hope the greate part of this quar-
tel is at an end for the prefent, let vs therfore fpend no longer
time with any further difcourfings, but let vs goe forwards
till wee haue likewife ended out iourney: agreede laid they,
and forwardes wee went, and within a very fmall difl.ance
we might perceiue a farre more cleere and radient light» than
euer belote till that prefent wee had beholden, and immedi-
afly wee might beholde the tops of the heauenly buildings,
whofe towers and turrets were of fuch exceeding brightnes,
that out eyes dazeled, we were not able dire6tly to looke vpon
them, which gaue vs fo great comfort, that we mended out
pace, tyll at the lait we might heare the moit fweete and de-
leeCtable melody, that euer (I thinke) happened to any eares,
the harmony not poflîble to bee defcrybed ; and by this rime
,ve were corne hard to heauen gates, which ,,ve round flautte
and fait locked, and at the leait, a hundreth perlons walking
vp and downe with lad and heauie countenances, conferring
now and then by two or three together, making femblance
by the flaewe of their behauiour, that their mindes were per-
plexed with fome dioEreffed griefe. This fpe&acle ruade mee
wonderfully to mule, what I might think of the matter, but
we three holding itill in company, paffed too and fro by them,
and they lykewife by vs, we knowing none of them, nor they
knowing none of vs : at the lait meeting with one al alone by
himfelf, whofe graue & fober afpee'ts, argued a itayed and dif-
creete mind, and leauing my company for the time, I fingled
him out, fir faluting him with a ¢ourteous Conge, the
which he as kindly returning me agayne, I began in this
fort to enter parle with him.
B 3 Courteons
Greene8 newes
Courteous Syr, if a frangers boldnefl'e might not breed
offence, I would requef you to fatiffie mee but in this one
demaund, I am (as you may perceiue) vnacquainted in this
place, hauing taken a tedious and painfull traueil, and being
now arriued, would be glad to vnderfand the fuccefl'e of my
iourney, and I haue walked too & fro heere this long hower,
and in all this fpace I could neuer fee any one parle either in
or out, nor the gare fo much as opened, which feemeth firange
vnto mee, confidering the multitude which doo frequent the
place, it makes me iealous, that ail flaould not be well in hea-
uen, and to growe into fufpition of I know not what.
Truely my good friend (anfwered this graue r) it flaould
feeme you haue neuer bin a luter, that wold looke for fo quick
a difpatch, you haue walked vp and down (you fay) heere this
hower, and there be heere in this company that haue trauel-
led as farre as you, and haue walkt vp and downe heere this
moneth, peraduenture a yeere, perhaps more, and would bee
glad if they might be difpatched yet, within a weeke, a fort-
night, or a moneth, yea, if it were fomwhat more, they would
be glad euen then to come to an end of their lutes, you mul
(Syr) therefore be contented to fay your rime, & to take your
fortune, and thinke you came hether in a very happy houre, if
you be difpatched in a quarter of a yeere. Your news tir (laid
I) doth hot a little make me wonder, but if without offence I
might but deale thus much farther with you, what might be
the caufe I befeech you, that there is no more regard to r dif-
patching of poore futers, that haue laboured & tyred th.felues
many wayes m hope to haue heere a fpeedy releafe, afwel for
r redreffe of their fufained wr6gs, as alfo to be rewarded as
.they flaalbe found worthy by defart ? for as it is fuppofed, this
s the very place where Iufice & right is mofi duely admi-
nifred, & therfore is accounted the only place ofcomfort : but
can there be any greater wrong, than for a man to be fo long
deferred from his right ? or may there be a more difcomfort,
than when a man flaall neuer hope to haue end of his lutes ?
My good friend (anfwered the other againe) although you
haue laid no more than is truth: but yet fomething for your
better fatif-fa&ion, your confideration muf haue fome refer-
[ 4 ] rence
both from Heauen and Hell.
rence to rime, for one of greatef matters that doth hînder
the forwarding of lutes at this infant, ouer it hath beene in
rimes pari, is this, in briefe to be fpoken» the wonderfull af-
fayres of great importance, and the continuall butines that
S. Peter is dayly troubled withall.
What I pray tir (fayd I) is S. lOeter more troubled with
bufineffe now, than in times æaf he hath beene ?
O tir (laid the other) you neede hot doubt of that, & there is
great reafon for it, that it can hot otherwife be, he hath fo ma-
ny affaires to run through, that it is almor thought impofli-
bli how he thould execute thê ail : for firr» he is Knight Por-
ter heere of heauen gates, a place I warrant you of no leffe
charge than trouble: then, he is conrituted the Prince of the
Apofles, & confirmed in that authority by all the Popes for
thisthree or fourehundrethyeere, fothatal therefiof theAporles
can doo nothingwithouthis allowance, andwhatfoeuer he dooth
theycannot recall: then, he is the Popes Faor, & hath the hand-
ling&determiningofall caufes for him,and bath latelybin more
troubled with his brablements, for the holding vp of S. Peters
chayre, than with all the Kings & Princes again in Chrifendom:
fourthlyhe is the Mater of the Requefis, chofen bythe papirs
to prefent their prayers to God, and theyply him eueryday with
moe pelting peticions» than his leyfure will permit to looke ouer
in a moneth after: thefe & fo manyother matters hee hath rillto
looke into, that ifhe had fixe able bodies, they were ail too little
to run through his other affayres.
Why (laide I) this is a pitteous cale, that hauing fuch infinite
butines, as I perceiue byyour fpeeches, that he hath hot fome af-
tirants tohelpe him &that fomanytroubles fhould hot lye all on
one mans necke.
Well (laid he)this is your opinion, you haue gyuen your ver-
dit, buthaue },ou notlearned, Quodfupra nos, nihiladnos: itisnot
for you & me to fay what is behoouefull for Saints, they knowe
their times & what is neceffary, better than },ou or I can inrru&
thê,& therfore hot tobe round faultwithal in anyoftheir dealings.
Thefe fpeeches ended, giuing him great thankes for his
curte{ie, I returned againe to my two Companions, l/'eluet
breeches and Cloth breeches» to whom I imparted ail my
newes
Greenes newes
newes, which rooke them both into a fuddain dumpe, but
efpecially Clot reeces, whofe trayning vppe had hot
beene accuomed much to giue attendance, but it fell out,
the very lame after noone, that our Lady, with the eleauen
thoufand Virgins, had beene walking in the garden to take
the ayre, & in her comming backe, fortuning to looke out at a
Ca(ement, te fawe vs altogether as we were walking, and
calling to her Gentleman vther, tee demaunded what wee
were. He aunfwered, that we were Suters, which there did
giue our attendance. Alas poore foules (faid fhee) I did per-
ceiue in deede by their pittious lookes, that their minds were
troubled with forrowe and griefe, and without any other
wordes fpeaking, fhe departed, and caufing all other butines
to be for the rime fet a part, fhee tooke order that all futers
fhould prefently be difpatched.
The next morning fomething early, S. Peter came foorth
to a place where he vfeth to fit for the hearing of caufes, for
that there is a cufome, that if any man doe but once get hys
feete within heauen gates, hee is neuer after thruf out, and
therefore hee taketh affured order that none may enter, but
fuch as fhall be thought worthy for their defarts to continue
the place. S. Peter hauing nowe feated himfelfe, order was
taken that euery futer fhoulde fucceflïuely bee heard, he that
had remayned longet to be firPc called, and fo to proceede to
the fecond in due courre accordingly. I and my two compa-
nions were the latePc that were there arriued, and therefore
the laf to be difpatched : the ref were examined by one and
one, and that in fuch feuere and fraight manner, that a-
mongPc euery ten, there were fcarce one admitted to haue
entrance into heauen, the Articles that were obie&ed againf
them, were too many in this place to bee rehearfed, but one
thing I noted well, which was, there were fome that fhewed
him the Popes Pafport, fealed with lead vnder his priuie
Sygnet, but Iefus how S. Peter did be foole them, to fhewe
him fuch a writing, being not confirmed vnder the handes
of the foure Euangeli.fls, he commaunded them prefently to a-
uoyde and to corne no more in his fight.
Our
CI6]
both from Heauen and Hell.
Out turnes being now come to fay for out felues, I was
the firf of the three that was called for: S. Peter demaun-
ded of me what might be my name, and what trade I had v-
fed. I tolde him my name was Robert Greene, by profeflion
a Scholler, and commenced Maifler of Irtes. 0 (quoth S.
Peter) I haue heard of you, you haue beene a bufie fdlowe
with your penne, it was ),ou that writ the Bookes of Cony-
«atching, but firra, could you finde out the bafe abufes of a
company of petty varlets that liued by pilfering cofonages,
and could you not as well haue difcryed the fubtill and frau-
delent practifes of great Conny-catchers, fuch as rides vpon
footeclothes, and fometime m Coatches, and walkes the
freetes in long gownes and veluet coates: I am fure you
haue beene in I4/eflminfler Hall, where you haue feene poore
Clyants animated to commence actions, and to profecute
lutes till they haue brought themfelues to beggery, & when
ail is fpent they are turned off like fooles, and lent home by
weeping-croffe. And let me fee now if any of your Crosby-
ters, your Lyfters, your Nyppers, your Foyflers , or any other
of the whole rabblement of your Conny-catchers, cal him by
what name you lift, be like vnto thefe, or more mifchiuous
in a Common-wealth. Then haue you couitous Landlords,
that dooth daily fo exact and cheate of their poore Tennants,
that they were better light into the laps of a Cutpurfe, then
to dwell within the precincts of a Cut-throte. Yet haue you
a proude kinde of Conny-catchers, that hauing but a Penner
and ynckhorne hanging at his gyrdle, yet creeping into fome
great mans fauour to become his Clarke or Secretary, by
plaine Conny-catching, within very fewe yeeres, will pur-
chafe three or foure hundred pound land a yeere.
Or thoulde I put you in mind of great Conny-catchers,
placed in Offices, who are continually building of houles,
and fiill purchafing of reuenewes to leaue to theyr heyres,
perhaps by deceiuing the Prince, or coffoning the Subiect,
but how flaould they compaffe fo great aboundance, but by
fome practife in Conny-catcing: vnleffe they be fuch which
the Prince dooth fauour, of whom flae bettoweth many .gra-
Co CLOUS
Greenes newes
cious and liberall gyfts: I will hot fay there bee Conny-cat-
chers amongf Clergy men, that wll catch at a Berefice
fometime before it fa[les, and nowe and then by Simonie
or other corruption hauing catched two or three, can be con-
tented likewife to catch their Tythes from their poore flock,
but very feldome to feede them, or to catch any of their foules
to the kingdome of heauen. But now my freend take this for
your anfwer, you that coulde bufie your felfe to fable out fo
many follies without indifferency, and to become a wryter
with fuch partialitie, I muf tell you truth, heauen is no ha-
bitation for any man that can looke with one eye and wincke
with the other, for there muf none ref there that dooth vfe
to haulte, but fuch as be plaine and true dealing people.
I woulde very faine haue replyed in mine owne excufe,
but S. Peter cut me off, telling me that I was aunfwered,
and that hauing mine aunfwere, I noulde trouble him no
further. And foorthwith fpeaking to hym that food next mee,
afled hym his name. Who told hym that he was called Fel-
uet breeches. S. Peter afled hym further, what Countrey-
man he was. He aunfwered an Engliflman. I cannot think
you to be a naturall Engliflman, fayd S. Peter, for that I
neuer heard of any of your name in that Country. Yes Syr
(if it pleafe you) laid Feluet breeches, my auncefers came
in with the Conquef, and my predeceffours haue fill conti-
nued Gentlemen both of Worflaip and credite.
As l/éluet breeches had ended thefe words, there happe-
ned to corne by, diuers Princes that had raigned Kinges of
England, a_ll of them mounted vpon great Horffes, and had
beene abroade vppon the greene running at the Ring: the
which Princes being efpyed by S. Peter, he called vnto thê,
requefdng them a little to ftay: and then poynting to l/'el-
uet breeches, he demaunded if any of them did knowe hym,
or any of hys name remaining in Englande, in the tyme of
theyr raignes and gouernments ? But they denayed altoge-
ther that euer they had feene hym, or euer known any Gen-
tleman of Englifh byrth that was of his name.
Amongft this royall troupe, was King Henry the thyrd,
and
[8]
both from Heauen and Hell.
and he confidently protetted, r in the time of his raigne, there
was no fuch perron to be round, for laid hee, I lent one of my
feruants to buy me a payre of bore, and hee returned againe
with a payre that was but of fixe fhillinges and eyght pence
the price: wherewith I being difpleafed, tolde him that I
would haue had hym bettowed a marke of a payre, but hec
laid there were none fuch to be gotte. But as for the other
Cloth breeches that ttandeth by hym, I know him very wel
by his lookes, he dooth fo much refemble his auncetters, and
hath the very liuely pi6"ture of his Predeceffours, the which
were very honett plaine dealing men, without any manner
of falfhood or deceite.
S. Peter thanked them of their paines, and thus the Prin-
ces departed, who beeing gone, S. Peter laide: You haue
heard Ma. Veluet breeches what bath paffed, but yet becaufe
you haue auouched your felfe to be a Gendeman, you fhall
haue thys fauour, we will examine fome other of later time,
who peraduenture may better call you to remembraunce.
There ttoode a Meffenger by, whom S. Peter willed pre-
fently to goe fetch hym fome Englifhman, that was but of
fome tenne or twenty yeeres refidence in the place, charging
hym to goe with fpeede, and to make a quicke returne. The
Meffenger met with a company that were newe corne out
of a Tennis courte, amongtt whom was a Mearcer, that
within thefe tenne yeeres had dwelt in Cheapflde, hym the
Meffenger brought to S. Peter, who demaunded of him,
if he did know a Gendeman in England, called by the naine
of Ma. Veluet breeches. Yea marry fayde the Mearcer, I
know him to my cott, for thys is he that ttandes by me, and
heere I auouch it before his face that hee is no Gentleman,
but a proude diffembler, and a cofoning counterfeite: which
if it fhal pleafe you to giue me leaue, I will proue before this
holy companie. Saint Peter aunfwered, we doo not onelie
giue you leaue, but alfo doe ttraightly commaunde you to
fpeake a truth, and withall, to fpeake no more then is truth,
what you are able to charge him withall, and howe you are
able to prooue your words.
C 2 The
Greenes newes
The Mearcer aunfwered, it were too much impiety for a
man in my cale to raire any flander, or malicioufly to accule
any man wrongfully: but to the end the trueth of the matter
might more euidently appeare, I muft craue pardon a little
to vfe circumftances, and thus it followeth.
About fourteene or fifteene yeeres rince, when I kept a
t'hop in CAeapfide, following there my trade, this counterfet
Genfleman, being conforted with another of his owne pitch,
a byrde of the lame feather, although in times paR, his onely
familiaritie was but with Dukes, Earles, Lordes, and fuch lO
other worthy perfonages, yet at this day an ordinary com-
panion, and conuerfant with euery tk-ypiacke, and himfelfe
of bafe condition and a common Cofoner, his name called
Silke flockings. Thefe two copefmates, Iêluet breeches
and Silke flockings changing theyr names, and becaufe I 1
will hOt be off'enfiue to other Gentlemen, that peraduenture
be of the lame name which they then tooke to themfelues,
I will call Feluet breeches maifter /¢hite, and Silke flock-
ings, he t'hall be maifier Black, thefe two counterfeite Gen-
tlemen, maifter I/FAite and maifter Black, prouiding them-
felues of Lodgings, Maifter PlZhite as it might be in Graties
flreete, in a houle where no body knewe him, and Maifter
Blacke in Fanchurch flreete, rapt by where he found as little
acquaintance. Theyr Lodgings being thus prouided, Mai-
Pcer I/FAite walking into Poules, and feeing many bils lette
vp on the Weft doore by fuch as wanted Maiffers, perufing
the bylles, and finding one that he thought might be fitte for
his purpofe, (and in truth was as cofoning a knaue as hee
himfelfe) gaue notice vnder the bill, that he thoulde repaire
into Grades flreete, and at fuch a figne enquire for MaiPcer
14hite.
The fellow finding his bill fubfcribed, (and hoping now
to light vpon fome cheate) made haf the faine night, & came
to Ma. 14hites Chamber: Sir (faith hee) I perceiue your
Worfhip wants a feruant, and I am the party whofe byll
it hath pleafed you to fubfcribe, and would be glad to take a-
ny paines with a good Mailler to pleafe him. 0 fayes Ma.
I¢hite
[50]
both from Heauen and Hell.
I¢/'hite art thou he ? Marry it is truth, I would giue enter-
tainement to a young fellowe that woulde be dilligent and
trufty. If it pleafe you tir, (anfwered the party that meant
nothing but deceite) I will finde you fuerties for my trueth
and good behauiour. Thou fayefi well (fayes Ma. I¢/'hite,)
but truft me, I like thy lookes well, mee thinkes thou hafi a
good honefi face : but tel me if thou wilt be with me, I mufi
haue thee immediatly.
Sir, anfwered the other, if it pleafe you to giue me leaue
till the Morning, that I might fetch fome few things that I
haue to flaift me withall, I will then attend your Worflayp.
Very well (faies Ma. 14hite) thou maifi doo fo, and till then
farewell.
Heere was now a Maifter and a man well met, for the
Maifter meant to vçe his man but to ferue his turne for a
poynt of cofonage, and the man meant to vfe his Maifter, til
he might finde oportunity, to runne away with his purfe or
fome other of his apparrell, as he had doone before with ma-
ny others. But according to appointment, in the Morning
trufy Roger came, and was receiued of hys Mailler, who
now with his man at hys heeles, frequented his freend Ma.
Blacks Chamber for a day or two, and the one of them could
not be without the others companie, but mailler Black muf
dyne with mailler IChite at his Chamber, and Ma. IChite
mufi fuppe wyth mailler Blacke in his Chamber: but the fe-
quell was, mailler IChite with his feruaunt attending of
hym, walking into Cheapfide, and lighting into my flaoppe,
demaunded of my feruaunts where their Maiiter was, they
told him that I was within, & that if it pleafed him to haue
any thing with me, they would call me. Yes marry would I
(fayes he,) I pray you call him, for I wold fpeake with him.
One of them telling me that there was a Gentleman in the
flaoppe that would fpeake with me, I came downe, and Ma.
I4hite firt curteoufly faluting me, began in this fort to dif-
couffe with me.
Sir, I am a Gentleman, belonging to fuch a Noble man
in the North parts of England, and in trueth the Steward of
C 3 hys
Greenes newes
hys houça, and hauing now £ome bulines for my Lord he¢r¢
in the Citty, which 1 ara corne to di£patch, I mutt dilburf¢
t'orne mony vpon Veluets & other Silkes both t'or my Lorde
and Lady, and I tell you trueth they are fuch war¢s as I
haue litfle fkyl to make choyce of: the matter why I was S
delirous to t'peake with you, was but to commit that truit to
your tCfe which I durit hOt aduenture with your man, and
my requeit is, that you would d¢ale t'o honey with ma, as
I might not be deceiued in the choyce of my OEuffe, the bene-
rite that you fhall winne by your good vfage is, you fhall re- o
ceiue ready mony for fuch wares as I meane at this prefent
to buï, and you fhall winne a cuoEomer, of whom heereafter
)'ou may take greater fummes.
I hearing his fmooth fpeeches deliuered vnder pretence of
honefly, and feeming otherwifa, both in the fhow of his ap- t5
parre and the dutifull attendance of his man, that hec had
beene (indeede) fome Gendeman of reputafion and good re-
coning, defirous fo much the rather to win fuch a cuitomer,
I tolde him that I woulde hot onely fitte him with as good
ituffe as any man in London fhould fhew hym, but alfo in 2o
the price I would vfe him with fuch reafon, as in any other
place they were able to affoorde him: the which promife (in
very deede) I meant faithfully to performe.
Heere-withall, he drew a paper foorth of his pocket, wher-
in he began to reade: Item for my Lord, two yardes and a 25
halle of Blacke veluet, and two yardes and a halle of Ruffet
veluet, for two payre of Hofe, with three yards and a halle of
Black fattine, and as much of Ruffet for dublyting. Item
for my Lady, fourteene yardes of the beoE three pylde veluet
for a loofe Gowna, with fixe yards of Peach-coloured fatine 3o
for her Petticoate. Item for MioEris Iane & Miitris Fraun-
ces, fourteene yards of double turffed Taflîta for each of thê
a Gowne: and twelue yardes of Cornafion fatine for theyr
Petticoates. To cSclude he brought me out fo many Items,
that the prices of the wares amounted to 5o. and od pounds, 35
the which when I had forted him out, he began to find fault
that they were too high rated, praying me to lette my loweit
price,
[22]
both from Heauen and Hell.
price, for that he meant to pay ready money, and therefore if
I would not be reafonable, hee muf be driuen to feeke fome
other flaoppe. I very loath to driue him away, pitcht him a
price fo reafonable, as in truth I was not able better cheape
to affoord them : but hys mind being onely fette vppon cofo-
nage, told me he durf not aduenture to gyue fo much mony,
and thus away he went.
Within an houre after, hauing fent away his man,
which of purpofe he had doone, he returned againe, and find-
ing me in my flaop, he afled me if I would abate no money
in my fiuffe: I thinking hee had beene fome other where to
cheapen, told him I had rated them fo reafonably, as I was
able to affoord them: and that I was fure, in anie floppe
where he had rince beene, he had not found the like wares for
the like price.
Nay truelie, (fayde hee)I haue hOt beene i, any other
place to cheapen any fuch fiuffe, but yet rince I left your
houfe I haue difburfed fortie poundes in other thinges, that
I haue fent to my Lodging by my man: but I fee you are
hard, and yet fith I haue dealt thus farre with you, I will
not forfake you, corne therefore and cutte me of the parcels.
The which accordingly I did, and laying them together, hee
detired me to caf the totall fumme, the which as before I
haue fayd, amounted to fifty and od pounds.
Syr, (fayd heo) I muff craue to borrow one of your fer-
uaunts, to helpe me home with thys ftuffe, and hee fhall
bring you your money: I haue fent mine owne man about
butines, and haue no body heere nowe to helpe mee. Very
well Syr fayd I, my man fhall waite vpon you, or doe any
30 other curtefie.
And thus willing one of my
and follow him, I deliuered him
to receiue. Together they goe,
men to take vp the Ptuffe
a note what mony he was
til they came to his Cham-
ber in Gratiesftreete, where they found hys man remaining,
who (indeed) was fomewhat perplexed in hys mind, becaufe
there was nothing there of hys MaiPters, that was woorth
the carrying away, vnleffe he fhould haue taken the fheetes
from
Greenes newe8
from the bedde, but that he deferred, hoping flortly to lyght
of a better cheate. But Ma. Vhite demaunded of his man,
if Mailler Black had hot beene there rince his comming into
the Chamber ? who an(wered him no, neither had hee feene
him ail that day.
Maifier IVhite with that feemed as though he began to
be angry, and willed his man prefently to hafi to his Cham-
ber, and to will him withall fpeede, to bring away the two
hundred pounds he was to receiue, or at the leafi to bring
one of them with hym immediatly, for that hee was to pay
the greatefi part of it to one that fiaied in hys Chamber for
it. Away went hys man, and in the meane time Ma. 14/ite
entertained my man in this manner. He afked him if he had
any acquaintance with fome Goldfmith in the row that was
his freend, and would vfe him well in the buying of a Chaine
and a payre of Bracelets, and not to exact too much of him for
the fafhion. My man told hym, that he was well acquainted
with two or three that woulde deale very reafonably wyth
hym.
Hee feemed to gyue my man great thanks, and told him,
that fo foone as hys man was returned, and that he had payd
hym his money, he would himfelfe goe backe with hym and
buy them. Hys owne man in thys meane fpace, was come
to Mailler Blacks Chamber, whom hee founde within, pro-
uided for the purpofe, and was as bufie with a Standifhe, a
great many of papers lying before hym, and a whole lette of
Counters in hys hand, as though he had been cafiing vppe
of as huge fummes as the King of 8payne receiueth from
the Indyes. He had likewife lying before hym, a great bagge
full fiuffed, making fhow as if it had beene a great bagge of
mony: the fight whereof gaue the Meffenger fo good an a-
petite, that he wifhed the bagge and hymfelfe terme myles
out of the place. But dooing hys Maifiers meffage, maifier
Black anfwered hym that he was fo full of prefent butines,
that he could hOt firre foorth from hys Chamber, but (fayth
he, the money thou feefi where it lyeth, and if he will come
hymfelfe, or rend fome other to tell it and receiue it. Why
Syr
[]
both from Heauen and Hell.
Syr (fayde the other) if you pleafe to deliuer me the money,
I can carry it. Yea (fayes Maitter Black) but your Maitter
1 perceiue is in fuch halte, as hee would be offended if you
fhould fiay the telling of it, but goe your wayes to him and
tell him what I haue laid, and then let him choofe whether he
will corne or rend, the money is heere ready for him, away
goes this companion, comforting him with the affured hope,
that the carrying of this bagge would haue lighted to his lot,
which if it had, he ment to haue giuen them all the flyp, or his
cunning fhould haue fayled him : but comming to his Mai-
fier, hee tolde him that Maifier Black was fo butie in his
Chamber caiting vp of accounts, that he could not come, but
Syr (faide he) the money I did fee lying vpon the Table rea-
dy for you, and he would haue delyuered it vnto me, but that
1 feared my long fiaying in the telling of it might haue of-
fended you.
Why then (laide Maiiter I4/'hite) goe your waies backe
agayne, and I will intreate this good fellow to goe with you,
(meaning by my man) to whom he further laid : I pray thee
my good friende doe fo much as goe with my man, and firtt
pay your felfe according to your note, and helpe him then to
tell out the rett, for 1 thinke his fkill will fcarce ferue him to
tell fo much money, and drawing out of hys pocket, a payre
of gold weights, which he delyuered to my man, he fayd, and
I befeech you if any part ofhis payment be in gold, fee that it
be neither crackt nor crafed, and that it carries weight, and
I pray you in your comming backe againe with my man, doo
fo much as call in heere, and I in the mean time will difpatch
a little butines, and will by that time be ready to goe with
you vnto the Goldfmythes rowe, where I mu craue your
helpe for the buying of this Chayne and Bracelets. My
man fufpe6ting no manner of deceipt, went a long with hys
man: but comming to Maitter Blacks Chamber, there was
no body to be founde, neyther coulde any of the Seruants
of the Houle, faye whither hee was gone, they fawe
him goe foorth but a little before their comming in, but whi-
ther he went they could not tell ; whereupon» they both toge-
D ther
[25]
Greenes newes
ther returned backe againe to certifie Mailler 14/'hite: but
comming to his Chamber, he was likewife gone, and had
carryed away ail the lame fuffe which my Seruant had
left with him: my man begynning but nowe to fufpe&,
when it was too late, immediatly caufed the Officers;
to lay holde of Mailler I¢hites man, and hee was carried
dire&ly to the Counter, where hee beganne to curfe the
time that euer hee mette with fuch a feruice, confefllng
that hee had coofoned many Mayfers before, but nowe
hee had met with a Mayfer that had a little ouer-reached
him. But I vppon my mans returne, came to the places
where they had beene lodged, and made what inquiry I
coulde, but there was no body that had any manner of
knowledge of them, for they came thether not aboue foure
or fiue dayes before, making Pnewe that they were newe
corne foorth of the Countrey, and that the Carryers were
not yet corne with theyr Trunckes and appareil, and du-
ring the time of theyr aboade, had neuer fpent peny in
the houfe, for meate, drinke, nor lodging, which made them
protef, it Pnoulde bee a warning vnto them, what guerres
they receiued againe fo long as they kept houfe., and heere
was all the remedy that I could haue., but in the ende I had
intelligence of many other like coofonages, they had com-
mitted in the Cittie, and the parties were well knowne to
bee Mailler Veluet breeches & Mailler Silke flockings, two
counterfeit Gentlemen, that to maintain their brauery, prac-
tifed fuch deceipts, and would hot ffick many rimes to rob by
the high way: for the Varlet c6mitted to the Counter, whom
I could no waies charge with any pra&ife towards mee, I
releafed him freely, but for fome other villainies which before
he had committed to others, and by himfelfe confeffed, he was
whipped at a Cartes arfe, and after burnt through the eare,
and fo commaunded to auoyde the Cittie.
Thus much (as it bath pleafed you to commaund me) I
haue truely /ignified, what knowledge I haue had of thys
Gentleman, Mailler Veluet breeches.
S. Peter fanding vp, laide: Feluet breeches, thou haf
heard
[6]
both from Heauen and Hell.
heard what hath beene auouched againf thee, and I wonder
howe thou durf prefume to prefent thy felfe in this place,
knowing the guiltineffe of thine owne confcience: but I fee
thou art fftameleffe, and for fuch perfons as thou art there is
an other place prepared, to the which thou muf depart, for
heere thou mayit hot bide: then fpeaking to Cloth breeches
he laid, and for thee Cloth breeches, of whom I haue heard fo
good report, thou maiit feperat thy felfe from thy two compa-
nions, & enter into that bliffe, where thou fftalt find a happy
reward for an honett lire; and thus as hee was (by feeming)
ready to depart, he efpyed where one was comming alone by
himfelfe, within a litfle dittance, whom S. Peter perceyuing
to be a itraunger, fayed his comming, and then fpeaking vn-
to him, he demaunded of him what he was: who aunfwered,
that he was a poore Yorkeyre man, a Brick-layer by his oc-
cupation, and one that had truely laboured for his lyuing all
the dayes of his lire: and (fayde he) our Mailler Ficar hath
many times tolde vs, that if we get our lyuings honettly
with the fweat of out browes, wee fb.all goe to heauen, and
therewe fhold haue fuch peace, fuch quyet, fuch ioy, fuch coin-
fort, fuch pleafure, and fo many God morrowes, I cannot tel
what, but (of his words) I haue had but an ill-fauoured iour-
ney hether, and what I fftall find I cannot tell yet.
S. Peter feeing his fimplicitie, fayde, why then my freind
corne and followe me, and tell me heereafter howe thou likeflc
of the place.
The fellowe hafily replyed, faying: I pray tir let mee
firf atke you a quefion, doo vfe to let any women corne into
Heauen amongf you ?
Why hot (faide Sain& Peter)what fftould make thee to
doubt of that ? .
Why then I pray tir (fayde the other) did there hot a
woman corne hether about a fix weekes a goe, with a bleare
eye, a fnottie nofe, a blabber lippe, a fincking breath,
her voyce was very fftrill, and her fpeech thicke and fftort.
But how dooflc thou call her naine (fayde S. Peter) whom
thou haf defcribed, with fo many louely tokens ?
D 2 Her
Greenes newes
Her name (laide the other)is called Margery Sweete, but
yet more oftner called by the naine of Mannerly Margery.
Why fhe is in heauen (laide S. Peter) and if thou ha a-
ny thing to fay to her, thou may there finde her ?
Mary God blefl'e me from thence (laide the other) if fhee
be there, I knowe her fafhions too well, to corne any more
where fhe is, fhee was my wife, and I was married to her
fixteene or feuenteene yeeres, and I faith all heauen would be
too little for her and mee, and if we fhould once meete againe»
but I am now ridde of her, and I hope I will keepe mee fo,
the fhal hOt ca it in my teeth, that I was fo far in loue with
her to follow her, as fhe hath many times doone : telling me,
that if I had hOt beene fhe might haue had a Minftrell, that
would haue got more money in a weeke with his Fiddle,
than I could get in a moneth, with laying of Brick.
S. Peter, with the ref of the company, hearing the mad
difpofition of the fellowe, departed, leauing behinde him, my
felfe, Veluet breeches, and this Brick-layer, who forfooke to
goe into heauen becaufe his wife was there ; you may eafily
geffe, k'eluet breeches and I were perplexed with forrowe
enough, but it was too late nowe for vs to bethinke our felues
what we fhould haue doone, and refied onely for vs to deter-
myne what we mufi doo, & the further wee found our felues
bereaued of all poffibilitie, to recouer agayne what wee had
loti, the neerer approached the horror of our griefe and tor-
ment: but we had receiued our finall fentence, and there was
no place longer for vs to fay in, the comfort that was left
vs, was to fee if wee could finde meanes to gette into Pur-
gatorie, hoping there to finde fome releafe, by the prayers
and charitable deuotions of good people, and with this refo-
lution we fet forward of our iourney: the Brick-layer ouer-
taking vs, defired vs to accept of hys company, protefting
that he would be a partaker of our fortunes, whatfoeuer did
betide vs.
Veluet breeches demaunded of him what was his name:
The other tolde him that before he was marryed, they called
him Ruffting Richard, but after that he was marryed, they
neuer
[28]
both from Heauen and Hell.
neuer vfed better addition than playne Dick. Truely friend
Richard (laide I/éluet breeches) me thinkes you are too plain,
and more fimple, to forfake heauen becaufe your wife is
there. I pray you tir (laide Richard) were you euer marryed ?
5 Yes mary was I, (fayde I/eluet breeches) but what of that?
I doo hot vnderfkand yod laide Richard) for I demaund of
you, if euer you had a wife ? _And I tell thee I had a wife,
(laide I/ëluet breeches) why dooff thou a/ke me that ? Good
Lord (laide Richard) I neuer heard a wife man make fo foo-
olilh an aunfwere, for I atke you if you were marryed?
and you fay yes: and when I demaunde if euer you had
a wife, you aunfwere, 1 mary had I, and what then?
And dooff thou call that a foolith aunfwere (laide Veluet
breeches) what, wouldff thou haue mee fay, yes foorfooth?
No tir, no, (laide Richard) but I will teach you fome wit how
to aunfwere to fuch a quefrion ; when a man dooth atke you
if you haue a wife, you muff fay, yes I thanke God, or, yes
I cry God mercy, for fo a man fhall dire6tly vnderPcand you:
for if you fay, yes I thanke God, by that we may vnderPcand
o you haue a good wife, for the which you are bound to thanke
God highly, becaufe fewe men dooth happen of the like : but
if your aunfwere be, yes I cry God mercy, Sub intelegitur,
fuch a wife as mine was, and then you would neuer haue
accounted mee fimple, to leaue heauen to lhunne her compa-
s5 nie, becaufe a man fhall liue more quietly amongPc all the di-
uelles of hell, than it is poffible for him to doo, that lights on
fuch a wife.
Hearing thefe pleafant fpeeches in this manner deliue-
red by Richard, I could hot choofe but fmile, notwithffanding
3o my caufe of griefe: and taking it to bee a benefit of fortune,
that had vouchfafed to fauour vs with the company of this
merry conceited Bck-layer, whereby to .beguile our penfiue
thoughts with his pleafant difcourfes, m this our tedious
trauell. I quefrioned with him of his wife, what /'nee was
35 when hee marryed her, whether a widdowe or a mayde, by
what meanes hee came acquainted with her, and howe/'nee
became fo vnruly. Richard in this fort began to difcourfe.
D 3 When
[9]
Greenes newes
When I was young (laide he) 1 was as hanfome a fel-
lowe, as any was in the parifh where I was borne: and for
my valour, I duroE haue trauelled into any Gentlemans
Buttery, when ail the Barrels had beene full, without
ther fworde or dagger about me : for my refolution, if I had 5
once gotten vnder a maydens Chamber windowe, I would
neuer haue OEarted, till they had emptied a Camber pot on
my heade: for my courage, I durf haue gone into a-
ny baudy houle, and woulde haue corne out agayne as
honef a man, as when I went firf in: for my credit, io
I might haue runne on the tkore for tlx portes, wyth
any Alewife that kept houle within fiue myles where I
dwelt: for my qualllties euery manner of way, I had
the prehemlnence amongef ail the youthes that were in
our quarters, for at May-tyde, who was the ring-lea-t5
der for the fetching home of a May-tole , but I: at Mid-
fommer, I was chofen the Sommer Lorde: at euerie
Bridall, who muf daunce with the Bryde, but Rurting
Richard: Thus for a pleafant lire, the Cunflable of the
Parifh liued hot more merrily than I, and for my reputati- 2o
on, I was almof as much reuerenced as out Church-war-
dens: but, as the fouteoE Stond of Aie, at laoE is t'et a tilte,
and the fattef Goofe cornes fooneoE to the fpitte; fo, my for-
mer fortunes were drawne to their latef date, and my
prime of pleafures concluded with mil'nappe : but oh loue, O 25
cruell loue, that waf the firf frunte to my felicities ; But
who can refif loue, if it be once crept into the bottome of a
mans belly? O what a rumbling tt makes in his guttes,
and howe it bethrobs him about the heart: and fee nowe the
lequel of my mifhap. I fortuned to be at a Sheepe-fhearing, 3o
where I met with Margery, me that was my wife, in a fine
red petticoate, with damae vpper bodies, a white apron be-
fore her, & vp6 her head a broad felt hat, with a braue braunch
of rofemary ficking in her bofom, appointed amongoE ref
with a payre of fheeres, to helpe fheare Sheep, and I hauing 35
brought forth a lutt-y young Ramme, would haue laid him in
her lap, but fhe refufing to take him, laid vnto mee : nowgood
friend
[o]
both from Heauen and Hell.
friend Richard if you loue mee, bring mee none but poulde
fheep, for of al things in the world, I cannot away with thefe
horned beaftes. When I heard thefe milde words, thus gen-
tly fpoken, & howe kindly fhe pronounced this fentence (Good
s friend Richard if you loue me) 0 heauens (thought I) what
a fweete charme is this: then noting her modefy, that fhee
could not abide the fight of a horned beaft, I began to thinke
with my felfe, how happy might that man be accounted, that
could light of fuch a wife, & hauing but a little thus giuê fcope
o to mine own affe&i6s, Loue, that had his tinder box ready to
frike tire, by this time had let my fanfie of fuch a flame, that
not longer able to endure the heate without a cup of Sack, I
laide vnto her ; Margery, your manner of phrafe hath won-
derfully troubled mee, for in your firtt fpeeches you call mee
x ; your good friend Richard, and then you corne in with a doubt-
full demaund, in thefe words, (if you doe loue me) as though
I coulde bee your good friende and yet did not loue you : but
Margery, fith you haue popt mee fuch a doubfull quefion, if
you and I were alone by our felues, I would poppe you fuch
o an aunfwere, that you fhould well find that I loued you, and
that heereafter you might leaue out your if, and fay, Richard
affe you loue me.
With thefe words pretily caffing her head at one ride, fhe
gaue me fuch a learing looke, that might as well haue daun-
z ted me with difpaire, as giuen mee comfort & hope of grace:
for the one of ber eyes was bleard, and feemed as though fhe
wept, the other was a pretty narrowe pinckeny, looking euer
as though fhe fmylde, fo that in her very countenance at one
infLant, you might behold pleafure and paine, pitty and ry-
3o gor, curtefie and crueltie, loue and difdayne: and then
wyth a fweete voyce, lyke one that were afking an aimes,
fhee fayde.
Richard, if you loue mee as you faye, your loue
fhall hot bee loti, but men are fo crafty nowe a dayes
35 belote they are marryed, that they will make a mayde
beleeue they loue ber, tyll they haue gotte vppe her bellie,
and then they will hot iticke to denye their owne children,
and
[ I ]
Greenes newes
and that makes women when they be once marryed, to play
their hufbands fuch a café, that they thall not knowe their
own children : but if your loue be no fuch loue Ridard, you
fhal hot finde me vnkinde. When I heard the wifdom of the
wench, it made my pulfes fo to beate, that I had thought my
codpiffe point would haue fallen a funder: but for aunfwere
I laide.
Margery, your fober fpeeches fo wifely deliuered, toge-
ther with your fweet countenance fo louely placed, hath fo
preuayled with your good friend Riclard, that for the better
confyrmation of my loue, receiue here this token, as a pledge
of my good will: and taking then a two peny peece which I
had in my purfe, I bowed it and gaue it to her, the which
when fhe had receyued, the laid.
Well RicJard, nowe I doo account you as mine owne,
and at night when my Mother is gone to bed, if you will
come home, we will there talke farther of this matter: & for
your welcome, I will bettowe of you a merle of Creame.
Margery (laide I) looke you keepe your promife, for I wil
be there, and becaufe you will be at fo much coft with a merle
of Creame, I will bring with mee a peny worth of fpyce-
cakes: And although we had thus referred ouer farther fpee-
ches till out next meeting, yet during the rime that wee re-
mayned there in place, 0 how many amorous glaunces and
louing countenances there paffed ftill too and fro betweene
vs: but at night my appointed time being corne, thether I
went, and Margery was at the windowe watching for my
comming, who hauing once efpyed mee, the opened the doore,
where thee receiued mee with fuch a fweete kiffe, as if her
breath had been lately perfumed for the purpofe, whofe dain-
ty fmell was as fauery, as if it had beene a red herring that
had beene newly roafted: her louely lippes pleafant and fort,
like a locke of wooll that was but then come out of the
feame baet : but fhould I tel you of ail the other loue tricks
that paffed betweene her and me that night, I might either
oppreffe your ftomack to thinke of it, or otherwife perhaps
make you afhamed to heare it: but let thys fuffyce, before I
departed
[3-]
both from Heauen and Hell.
departed, our marriage day was appointed, and Margery in
rime ruade her Mother acquainted with the matter, who no-
thing mifliking of her Daughters choyce, gaue her her blef-
ring, with many other good helps to furnifft forth her bridall
da),, the which when time had drawne to be folemnized, and
that the lufie youthes of the Parrifft were gathered toge-
ther to goe with vs to Church, & the young Damofels were
flocked on a heape to waite on the Bride, attending her com-
ming foorth. The good old woman her Mother, who had been
euer chary of the louely Chickin her daughter, and euen at
the very infant when we were ready to goe to Church, flaee
was fcooling of her with this exhortation.
Margery, (fayd t'he) the day is nowe corne for the which
you haue fo much longed after, it is twenty yeeres agoe rince
you firf wit'hed for a Hufband, and byr Lady daughter you
were then feauenteene or eyghteene yeeres of age, fo that at
this prefent you want not aboue two or three of forty: nowe
if wit went by yeeres, you are olde enough to be wife, but I
being your Mother, befides my many yeeres which might
aduaunce my tkill, fo I haue buried foure feueral hufbands,
(the heauens be praifed for it) which hath fo much the more
confirmed my experience in the difpofitions of men, and can
the better iudge of their naturall inclinations: and by ail
that I haue gathered by mine owne proofe and prac"tife, I
haue round it ill by tryall, that the fantaries of men, are e-
uermore bef fitted with the follies of women. But leauing
generalities, and to come to fo much as concerneth but thy
felfe, that art now to be married to a hufband, who in refpec"t
of his age thou mighte be his Mother: and coulde thou
now but confider, what a comfort it is for an olde Woman,
to be louingly embraced by a yoûg man, O daughter daugh-
ter, thy mothers mouth begins to water, but with the verie
imagination to thinke of the pleafure, and therefore happie
maief thou deeme thy felfe, that art fo likely to enioy it.
But heere is now a great peece of difcretion to be vfed,
for as age conceiueth fuch contentment with the focietie of
freth and pleafant youth, fo youth will quicldy fall a loathing
E. of
Greenes newes
of cold and crooked age, if the parties be not wife to enforce
that by arte, that they are otherwife denaied by nature:
which is, to fhew a youthfull difpofed minde, how farre fo-
euer they be fpent in yeeres: for it is a tyred Iade that can-
hot cry weehee, and a forry Mare that cannot wag her talle. ;
Thou art nowe to confider the inequalitie of the yeeres be-
tweene thy felfe and thy huçoande, and therefore a litde to
whet him on to make him to like of thee the better, it flaal hot
be amiffe for thee to flaew fome youthfull conceite, efpecially
being thy bridall day, it is tollerable for thee a litde to play io
the wanton.
I can tel1 thee daughter, men are well pleafed to fee theyr
Wiues youthfully gyuen, and there is nothing r doth more
delight them, then to fee them wantordy difpofed: and thys
is the meane to winne your huçoands liking, and to drawe x5
him to , appetite, which your many yeeres might quenche:
remember therefore what I haue told you, and fayle hot for
your aduantage, to flaew fome youthfull tricke.
1V[argery making a mannerly curtfie, faid: Yes forfooth
Mother, I will remember ail that you haue told me. 2o
By this time ail things being prepared, to Church we
went, where the Prieff hauing once doone his office, we re-
turned againe, and were accompanied with our neighbours
and freendes that went home to dinner with vs: for whom
there was prouided Fyrmentie and Minced Pyes, befides 25
other good meate both roe and fodde: the which being all
ready, Margery was placed at the vpper end, between two
of the mof fubfantiall honef men, according to the cufome
of the Parrifh, and my felfe likewife, (as the manner was)
did waite that day at the Table, with a napkin hanging on 3o
my fhoulder.
But O what a comfort it was vnto me, to fee how dain-
tily Margery fedde of euery dith that came neere her, and
how lufily fhe laid about her for her vi&uales And (thought
I) if it be true as fome will fay, that a good feeding Horfe 35
will goe through with his labour, then I warrant if I gyue
Margery her meate, I neede not feare to ryde ber where I
lyfi.
[34 ]
both from Heauen and Hell.
lyre. But Dinner beeing almof at an ende, and the Cake-
breade and Cheefe ready to be lette on the Table, the good
old Woman her Mother, who had likewife beene ver), bu-
fie that da), in taking paynes to fill the pottes, and to carrie
5 away emptie difnes, beganne to cheere vppe the companie,
bidding them welcome, and telling them fhe was forry there
was no better cheere for them.
Margery prefently vpon the fight of her Mother bethought
herfelfe what fhe had to doo, and calling now to minde what
io leffon fhe had gyuen her, and howe fhee had willed her that
da), to fhowe fome youthfull tricke, thereby to purchafe the
fauour of her hufband, and picking out at that very infant
a fitte opportunity to performe it, fhe called to her Mother
in thys youthfull manner, Munna, vppe and cacke. The
15 olde Woman hearing her Daughter, fayd: Why how now
Margelle? Fie for fhame, will you fpeake bugges wordes ?
Could you not pretily haue laide: I pray you Mother haue
me vppe to picke a Rofe, nay nowe I fee you play the wan-
ton too much.
2o Then fpeaking to the company that rate by, fhe fayde: I
pray ),ou beare with my Daughters childifhnes, for I know
it is the Firmentie that dooth fo much anoy her, for euen
from her ver), infancie, if fhe had taken an), fpoone meate,
fhe was fdll troubled in the bottome of her back-fide with a
25 great ventofitie.
The neighbours feeing the clenlineffe of the wench, did
euer after that call her by' the name of Mannerlie Margerie.
Thus much to anfwer your former demaund concerning my
wife, whether fhe were a widdow or a mayd: by the circum-
3o fances wherof, )'ou may perceiue fhe was a maid, although
a ver)" old one, and yet hOt fo far fpent in y'eeres but fhe was
able to play a youthfull trick. And now for the reft , concer-
neth but the tragedy of mine own mif-fortune : to fignify the
matter at large, would be tedious for )'ou to heare, & fearefull
35 for me to declare, the ver)- memory wherof were enough to
make me tremble, but that I know I ara farre enough from
her that was the minifer of my' woe.
E OE. Let
[35]
Greenes newes
Let thys fuflîfe, within a very fewe Monethes after I
was rnarried, Margery beganne to grow idous, for if fhee
had once beene thirfly, and that I wanted money to rende to
the Ale-houfe, fhe wold tell me that I fpent away my thrift
amongPc fome other young Queanes: heere began our firfi
falling out, and to let forward the matter, there dwdt at the
very next houle by me, a Tayler, who had a wife , was fure
once a day to meafure the breadth of ber hulbands flaoulders
with his owne mete-yard.
Margery and this Taylors wife grew to be acquainted,
and amongPc other conclufions it was agreed between them,
that to preuent difeafes, and to preferue them in health, they
would euery morning next their harts, take a phifical dyet,
which was, a full quarte of the quintinfence drawne from an
Ale-tub, warmed by the tire, with a grated Nutmeg, halfe
a yarde of Bhck-pudding roPted on a grydyron, a quantifie
of falte, with a meafure of fine Wheate-flower, firPc made
into parte, and after baked in a loafe of breade: thefe ingre-
diences, after they had incorporated altogether, they would
afterwards lightly fart till noone. And they founde fuch a
cornmoditie in vfing this Medicine, that if the Tayler and I
had hOt euery morning giuen them mony to pay for the fim-
ples, it had hOt beene good for vs to haue corne that day af-
ter in their fights: for the Taylors wife, fhee could handle a
mete-yard or a cudgel paffing nimbly, but Margery had got-
ten the pra&ife of a_ll manner of weapons. For befides that
fhe had , vfe of her nayles, which fhe imployed many times
about my face, fhe could likewife handle a payre of bellowes
about my pate, a payre of tonges a thwart my fhins, a tire-
brand fometimes fhould flye at my head, a ladle full of fcal-
ding liquour other-whiles in my bofome, a three footed oole,
a pot, a candleficke, or any other thing what (oeuer came
next her hand, ail was one to her: and flaee had learned fuch
a dextefitie in the deliuerie, that they ould haue corne whir-
ling about mine eares.
In the ende, deuifing with my felfe a remedy for thefe
mifchieues, I found the meanes to be ruade the Cun./taMe,
hophg
[36]
both from Heauen and Hell.
hoping that mine Office woulde haue beene a prote&ion to
me for a yeere, and that flac durtt not haue ftriken her Maie-
fties Officer. But within a day or two, it was my fortune to
hit on a pot of ftrong Ale» which flaee had lette vp in a corner
for her owne drinking, and I (beeing thirfty) gaue it fuch a
loupe, that I left very little behind. The which afterwarde
when fhe came to feeke for» and founde her ftore fo pittifullie
impaired, againtt my comming home at night, flac prouided
her felfe of a watter, and I was no fooner entred the doores»
but foorth flac cornes with her cudgell in her hand, and wyth
fuch a terrible countenaunce, that were able to affright anie
man that flaould behold it.
Ricoeard, fayd flaee, I had thought you would neuer haue
gyuen me occafion to be ielous of you, but now I fee you loue
a cuppe of ttrong Ale better then you loue me, and do you not
thinke then that I haue great reafon to be difpleafed wyth
your vnkindnes towards me, and to beate out that lacke of
loue that dooth make you fo lightly to regard me.
Margery» fayd I, take heede what you doo» for you know
that I am her Maiefties Officer» and heere I charge you
in the Queenes name, that you holde your handes. What
Maitter Cunttable» laid flac» haue you gotten an enchaunt-
ment for me, or doo you thinke that your charme flaal ferue to
excufe you ? No tir no» for nowe you haue deferued double
puniflment: firft, you being an Officer if you offer wrong»
your puniflament muft be fo much the more greeuous, and is
it hOt meere iniuttice to take that which was not prouided
for you : next, you haue deferued to be well puniflaed, for the
little reuerence you haue vfed in the execution of your office :
commaunding me in the Queenes name to hold my handes
with your cap on your head, nor vfing any other duty or re-
uerence: but Maifter Cunjalle» I will teach you howe to
vfe an Office, and with that flac let flye at my heade, at my
flaoulders, at my armes» and ftill flac would cry, remember
heereafter how you doo your Office, remember your duty to
the Queene, remember when you commaund in her Maie-
Ries name, that you put off your cap, and doo it with reue-
E 3 rence,
[37]
Greenes newes
rence: and fuch a number of other remembraunces fhe gaue
mee, as I thinke there was neuer poore Conflabl« before nor
rince, fo inRru&ed in an office as I was. To tell you of ma-
ny other like remembrances which at other rimes flaee be-
fowed on me, I fhold but trouble you, but the conclufion is,
I am now ridde of her, and they t'ay that the ditLaunce be-
tween Heauen and Hall is great, but if they were a/'under
fiue rimes further then they be, if I might vnderRand where
flaee were in the one, I woulde neuer reR till I were gotte
to the other.
Richard hauing thus difcourfed the whole courre of hys
life, of his lyking, of his loue, of his pleafure, of his pairie, al-
though the lubie& of the matter were fcarce worth the hea-
ring, yet contîdering the place whether we were going, it
kept a fitte Decorum with the iourny we had in hande: and
as the tale it felfe was tedious, fo by this time we were ouer
paffed a long and wearifome way: the ber commoditie, the
tra& was large and fpacious, and Rill difcended downe a
Hill into the bothome of a Valley, glooming and melancholy
to behold where we might efpie one with a Waxe Candle
lighted in his hand, who was walking by himfelfe, prying
and tooting in euery corner, and many times Rumbling, and
ready to fall where the way was plaine and fmooth, that we
tooke him to be t'ome blind man that had loR his way, wher-
at we began to wonder what he thold doo with candle light,
that could not fee to guide his OEeppes at high noone dayes.
But we keeping on our way, were drawn fo neere him that
we might perceiue he had the vfe of his eyes, yet hee neuer
perceiued vs, till I faluted him, and bade him God fpeede.
Whereat he fuddairdy Rarted, as if he had beene halle in a
fright, but when he had awhile taken the gaze on vs, hee
demaunded of vs how farre we had corne that way. I tolde
him that we were corne from Heauen, and that we were
going to feeke out the place of Purgatory, defiring hym that
if he were acquainted in thofe quarters, that he would dire&
vs the ready way to goe thither.
Alas Genflemen (laid he) that is the place that I haue
beene
[38 ]
both from Heauen and Hell.
beene feeking for this long Moneth together, and I thinke
there is no corner betweene thys and Hell that I haue lefte
vnfearched: and were it not for thys holy Candle, whofe
vertue is able to defend me from the inchauntment of anie
fpirit or deuill, I would thinke I were Goblyn lead, I haue
wandered fo farre about, euermore hitting into daungerous
high wayes that leadeth to Hell, and coulde neuer finde out
the path that flaould bring me to Purgatory.
Truly my freend (laid I) if I be hOt deceiued, the lyght
which you carry in your hand (wherin you repofe your grea-
tett confidence) is the very meane of your mittaking, & hath
fo much dimmed your fight and dazeled your eyes, that you
cannot fee the right way, but makes you thus to run itum-
bling about, and to wander to and fro, that you your felfe
knowes not whether, I would wifla you therefore to leaue it,
and you thall fee fo much the better howe to dire& your tteps.
What laid he, would you haue mec leaue my holy Candle,
marry God andgood S. Frauncis bleffe me out of that mind:
but if you be ofthat Religion, I would be forry to tarrie in
your company, vnleffe I might induce you by perfwafion to
thinke more reuerently of holy things.
Truely (fayde I) a lyttle inducement flaal fuffife to per-
fwade me to any reafonable marrer, and good counfell is e-
uermore to be embraced» but efpecially at this initant, my
cafe being now as it is.
Why then (laid he) I will tell you a truc talc, wherein
you flaall perceiue the wonderfull effe& that Holy water hath
in working againit the deuill, and this it is. There was not
hOt long rince, a very proper young woman, that was pof-
feffed of a fiend» who did fo torment & vexe her, that although
flac would not goe to any Sermons, nor would euer receiue
the Communion, yet flac would fometimes goe to Church,
and fay her Pater nofler in Englifla, and now and then eate
flefla on Fridaies, and would commit many other herefies,
which thys deuill tempted and led her to doe. But you fhall
fee now, there was a g.ood honefi holy Priefi that was a 8e-
minarie» who beeing m place where thys Woman was,
and
[9]
Greenes newes
and lyking her very well, did begin to pitty her cale, and of
meere deuotion prickt forward by a fan&ified loue he deui-
fed with himfelfe, how he might fully reclaime her to the ho-
lie Çhurch: and haung attempted many pra&ifes in vaine,
and finding that neyther perfwarion, charme, nor any man-
ner of con]urat]on» was able to remooue the w]cked fpyrite
from her, his laf helpe was, hee gaue her a glifcer of holie
Water» the which hee had no fooner put vp into her bodie»
but the deuil immediatly forfooke her, that fhe after became
a mof Çatholique veffell» and was able to reafon fo pro-
foundly in that Religion, that but w]th a lttle bla of her
back ride, fhe wold haue made the proudef Protefant that
foode next her to fop his nofe.
An other like miracle I am able to protef of mine owne
knowledge» and this is it. There was a Gentleman that
]s liuing at this prefent houre, whofe name and dwelling
place if I lif I coulde deliuer: thys Gentleman had beene
married full out terme yeeres» during which fpace he neuer
had iffue, although both himfelfe and his w]fe were very de-
firous to haue chyldren. But it fell out that a holy Father a
Iefuite was priuily harboured in thys Gentlemans houfe
who feeing the Gentlewoman to be a luf T and well-lyking
wench to beare chyklren, did minifer vnto her the holy fa-
crament of extreme vn&ion, anoyling her ptes of genera-
tion w]th holy oyle, and laying the figne of the croffe ouer
her as fhe lay on ber bed» and thys Gentlewoman for three
yeeres together that thys holy father lay in her houfe had e-
uery yeere a childe: and therfore mof happy may thofe peo-
ple thinke themfelues, that doth retaine and fofer fuch holie
guerres nowe in thefe dangerous tymes» if it were but to
haue theyr Wiues hallowed, and to be made holy veffels.
But if I floulde heere enlarge further, what miracles
hath beene wrought, by Holie 14ater, Holy Candles, Holy
/les» Holy Oyles, Holie Lambes» and many other holy
Reliques» I knowe I floulde minifer fo much contentment
to your conceite, as the pleafure would make you hartily to
laugh.
Sir,
both from Heauen and Hell.
Syr fayde I, your myracles are ftrange, and they ma),
be true, but yet I ara of opinion, that for the cafing out of di-
uelles, the name of God is of greater authoritie, than a
whole tubbe full of holy water, and for a woman to be made
5 fruitefull in children, is likewife the blefling of God, and I
doo thinke that for the attaynment of any thing that is good,
it is rather to be reque?ted in the naine of the Creator, then
otherwife to be fought for, by the meanes of the creature.
The other aunfwered againe, but men that bee of your
.o Religion, are not able to looke into theyr owne errors: for
if they were not wilfully blinde, they fhould finde it in com-
mon experience, that hee that will looke to preuaile in hys
lutes, /hall fooner bee difpatched by the mediation of the
Sain&s, than if he prefumed to preferre his caufe to GOD
'5 himfelfe, and/hould finde more grace by the meanes of the
creature, then if he requefted in the name of the Creator:
and becaufe I would bee glad to confirme you the better, I
will/hewe you you an example.
Admitte nowe that your felfe were in a Princes Court,
2o and had fome fute, that might not onely concerne your own,
but that it fretcheth fo farre, as to the aduauncement of
Gods glory, the profite of the Prince, and the generall bene-
rite of the whole Countrey. You are nowe to preferre thys
lute: what, will you goe to the Prince himfelfe? (who in
25 this place reprefenteth God)why you fhall attende a longe
while before you /hall corne to his prefence, and then, al-
though he be milde, affable, gracious, and full of clemencie,
and in deede with as many royall vertues as appertayneth
to a godly Prince, yet he will turne you of to fome one graue
ao Counfailer, or fome other great perfonage that is about
him, to looke into your caufe and to confider of it: (who in
this place dooth reprefent the holy Sain&s, which muft bee
your Mediator :) Now this Counfayler is fo troubled with
fo many other affayres, and fuch butines of great impor-
35 tance, that he hath no leyfure in the world to remember you:
then muft you ply his Secretary, or fome other that is neere
about him, and you corne to him (whith your cappe in your
F hand
[4,]
Greenes newe8
hand and lowe courtefie) and fay, I befeech you Syr remem-
ber my lute to your Maifier, I haue lyen long heere, and I
haue fpent all that I am able to make, and I pray you Syr
euen for Chrifies fake, and for the tender mercy of God, get
me an aunfwere: (heere you come in the naine of the Crea-
tor :) Nowe tir, I will (for example fake) make my felfe an
aduerfe againfi you, and I will come to the lame partie, and
fay vnto him, Syr, I vnderfiand that fuch a one (meaning
you) hath prefented fuch a lute, and I befeech you Syr, euen
as you loue an hundreth Angels» (I come heere in the name
of the creature) procure me your Mayfers lets againfi him,
and let mee haue your affifiance for the fiay of his lute: tell
mee nowe your owne confcience, will not thefe vifible crea-
tures, glifiering in this mans eyes, worke a quicker expedi-
tion, than the bare name of your inuifible Creator but foun-
ding in his eares ? I am fure you will neuer make quefiion
of the marrer: for the very prefence of an hundreth angels
but looking him in the face, will make him to enter into any
attempt, yea, and fometimes to abufe his Maifier, be he ne-
uer fo wife, be he neuer fo graue, or be he neuer fo honorable,
and to make him by his information perhappes to commit
fome error.
Syr (laide I) if the marrer were worth the reafoning, I
could eafily aunfwere your fond compatirons, but I am not
difpofed to argue'of thefe matters & wil therfore let them refi
with this conclufion, that God is God, and onely good, & men
are men, & no man without fault, nor free from offence. This
is very t.rue (anfwered Richard) for the licar of our pari/h in
a Sermon that he made on Midlent Sunday, did fpeake fo
much in Latine and fayde, Nemo fine briberi viuit: I re-
member his words well enough, and brought fo much of hys
Sermon away.
Richard had no fooner thus added his finatiue conclufion,
but we might fodainly heare a loud & pitteous flrike, which
by the flrilnes of the noire, feemed to be fome womans voice,
that was put into fome feare, or offered fome vyolence: and
bending both our eyes and our fieppes towardes the place
from
both from Heauen and Hell.
from whence the noice refounded to our eares, we might fee a
woman hafiily comming towards vs, with a truffe or fardle
vnder her arme, to whom I faide; Good woman, it feemeth
you fhold be dioEreffed, although I know hOt for what caufe,
but fay, what is the matter of this your hafty flight? Alas
tir, (faid flae) as I was trauelling towards hell, with certaine
wares that I haue heere in my fard.le, which I am fent with-
all to fhewe them to ProJïrpina: faoE by heere in the high
way, there encountered with mee the mooE deformed and
,oyll-fauoured Monfer, that euer I did fette myrte eyes
on, whofe ougly countenaunce dyd fo afright mee, that
it maketh mee in this fort to retyre, not daring to holde
on my courfe. ,
I pray thee goodwife (laide I) what wares fhould they be,
5 that thou art carrying to hell? or doofi thou carry them to
fell ? or be theï lent as a prefent ?
Syr fayde fhee, I haue heere Perewigs of the newe
curie, Roules, and other attyres for the heade of the new
faflaion, Ruffes of the newe fette, newe Cuttes, newe
o Stitches, newe gardes, newe imbroyders, newe de-
uyfed French Verdingales, newe French bodyes, newe
bumbafiing, newe boltering, newe vnderlayings, and
twentie newe deuyfes more than I haue nowe fpoken
of, which I am carlTing to hell amonget the Ladyes
sand Genflewomen that are there, who when they
ued in the worlde woulde let flippe no fafhion: and I am
fure nowe they bec there, would be right glad of the faflaions
nowe in vfe, both to fee them and to haue them.
In good faith (faid I) they be wares fit for fuch cul'omets,
3o for from hell they came, and thether they will, there they
were firft deuifed, and therefore fittei to ferue that Market.
You are much deceyued tir (fayd fhe) for I haue faflaions
heere that neuer a Lady nor Genflewoman that is in hell,
euer fawe the like, nor neuer a Curtyfan, or any other
35 irumpet that liued in the world, did euer weare the like, fuch
perewigs, curled and firifled bï art, fuch roules of hayre per-
fumed and platted by proportion, fuch ruffes as will aike one
F OE whole
Greenes newes
whole day to wafla and farch, and an other dales labour but
to pinne them in the fat'nion, that (alas poore women) they
are faine to take great paynes to goe to the diuell : but I be-
feech you Gentlemen, if your occafions be not the greater, doo
fo much as condn& mee a lytttle part of the way, tyll I bee
paf this ill fauoured Monfer that hath fo affright me. We
yeelding to her requef had hot gone farre but we might dif-
cerne a mof deformed creature, with a monfrous payre of
hornes, growing from the vppermof part of his Fore-head
the tippes whereof turned round into his eyes» and growing
there agayne into his head had made him farke blinde, that
he had no manner of fight; Our Companion fo confidently
perfwaded in the verrue of his holy Candle, that he thought
no fpirite was able to hurt him, fepphg forward fayde, rn
nomine Patris, what art thou that walkef in this fort, thus
difurbing the High wayes.
The other aunfwered, What I am thou mayf fee very
well» but howe I came to bee thus perplexed» that thou muf
vnderfand by a further cyrcumfaunce. Knowe then that I
was a Myller, fometimes dweiling in Kent, where I kept a
Mill, which (as it feldome tymes wanted water, fo at no
rime it wanted grill) for that ]t had the cuome of the Coun-
trey, at the leaf fiue or fix myles about: It fortuned that a
very wealthy and fubfantial Farmer, dwelling two or three
mi]es fr me, lent a facke of Corne to my Mi]l by his daugh-
ter, which came on horfe-backe to haue her corne grownd,
intending to haue gone backe againe with it before night:
which might very weil haue beene doone, fauing that wee
Myllers are tyed to this cufome» which is» when any young
women dooth fortune thus to corne to the Mil1, wee vfe as
well to take roule of themfelues, as of their fackes: and I,
fixing mine eyes vpon the wench, feeing her to be a very han-
fome young Mayden, not aboue nineteene or tweentie yeeres
of age, was very loath to let her efcape toule-free, and there-
fore fer downe a plot howe I might acquainte her with our
cufome: the which I could not by any meanes perfourme,
but by making her to fay ail night, wherefore I purpofly
put
[44]
both from Heauen and Hell.
put my Myll out of temper, and fpent all the after noone in
repayring and trimming of my Myll, and brought her corne
to the hopper, whê the day was fo far paffed, that it was hOt
poflible it could bee grownd off, tyll it were very late in the
night; But the young Mayden feeing her Corne vppon the
Myll, and defirous to haue it home with her, fayed with the
better will, the which being once grownd off, notwithand-
ing the euening was very farre fpent, yet fhee woulde haue
departed home: but I, pretending much good will to her
ther, tolde her that if a dogge of her Fathers, were in my
houfe at this time of the night, I would hot flutte him forth
of the doores for his Maiers fake, much leffe your Fathers
.daughter: wherefore I will intreate you to ay this night
m my houfe, and you fhall haue a homely bed, and a cleane
paire of fheetes, with fuch fare as I hope fhall content you,
and for your horfe, hee fhall likewife bee turned into a good
parure fa by my Mill, and in the morning all things
be ready for you to depart fo foone as you pleafe.
The maiden being well perfwaded by my faire fpeeches,
feemed content, and I went to my wife, & tolde her that for as
much as my Mill had beene out of temper all the day, I mu
fit vppe all night to grinde, willing her further to make ready
a fpare Chamber, for the young Maiden my Neighbours
daughter: who had ayed fo long for the grinding of her
Corne, that it was too late for her to goe home, & willed her,
to better our fupper with a capon or a difh of chickins, as fhe
her felfe thought good ; But my wife, who many times be-
fore had taken the true meafure of my foote, and had picked
out at her fingers endes the whole drift of my pretence,
winkîng a little with one of her eyes, aunfwered fmoothly,
Hufband all fhall be doone as you haue willed : & although I
had beene fufficiently inru&ed in this olde Axiome, which
fayth, Trufl hot an oMe queane, if ]fie once begins to winke:
yet by my wiues fmooth demeanure, I was free from all fuf-
picion, and contemplating my felfe in hope of my nights hap-
pineffe, I neuer had leyfure to bethinke me of any precpts of
good counfaile: but my wife hauing made all things ready,
F 3 and
[45]
Greenes newes
and that we were called in to fuch cates as fhee had proui-
ded, & we likewife hauing ended our fupper, I told the young
wench that when fhe were difpofed to take her reoE, my wife
fhould bring her to her Chamber, and wild my wife like-
wife at her owne leyfure to get her to bed, for that I was to
watch ail night, that I might bee ready in the morning to
ferue my cufomers according to my promife: and thus lea-
uing them twayne together, I departed about my butines;
but, my wife that had conceiued the very depth of my deuife»
lodged the mayde in ber owne bed, and hauing but one other
Chamber, which I alwayes referued for a friend, and where
I thought the mayde fhould haue beene placed, there my
wife flily & cunningly lodged ber felfe: but I that was more
doubtfull of mine own fortune, than fufpicious of my wiues
pra&ife, perceyuing euery body to bee in bedde, did thinke
it nowe high time to make tryall of my pretence, and con-
ueying my felfe featly into the Chamber, and then comming
to the bedde ride (with a fort and lowe voyce) I beganne to
perfwade thys young Mayden (as I had thought)that fhee
fhoulde hOt ftande in doubt or feare of him who was come
vnto ber onely for good will, whom loue and liking had
ruade bolde and hardie, to requef fome curtefie and kind-
neffe at ber handes, and heere-withall, throwing one of
mine armes ouer her, I beganne to hunte after her lyppes»
and to haue befowed of her a louing kiffe.
But my wife, whofe cunning had ferued her to traine
me into this mit°mking, could tell howe to behaue her felfe in
the retS, to confirme mee in mine error: for, although fhe
would render me no manner of fpeeches, whereby I might
difcouer her by her voice, yet in the ret of her demeanure fhe
counterfeited fo cunningly, fuch a kind of maydenly nycitie,
that a man would rather haue taken her for fome young ig-
norant puny, that had neuer dealt the cardes, than for an old
beaten gamter, that knewe well enough howe to make the
tLakes: for although fhee knewe what it was whereat I le-
uelled, and was mot detirous to haue had me hit the marke»
yet fhe ddayed mee off with a counterfeit kinde of firiuing,
and
both from Heauen and Hell.
and woulà neuer yeelde, tyll feeming for want of breath flaee
was hot able to refit, and then panting (as it were to take
the ayre) flaee feemeà to bee ouercome (as it were) by force:
and I, that was hOt better able to difcerne of Gars in the
darke, but that they were all gray, feafieà my felfe with a
fulfome repafi, in fieede of a dayntie àifla, for blinde con-
eeit had gyuen mee an appetite to feede on that dyet, which
if I had feene, woulde quickly haue cloyed my fiomacke:
but hauing well fatif-fied my felfe, and that I was now
at ley£ure to looke into mine owne fortune, and confi-
dering what perrill might enfue for a litde pleafure paff,
if the wench ihoulde fortune to complayne of that one
nights lodging fortie weekes after, the which would hot
onely redounde to my great flaame and reproch, but lyke
enough to fall out to my wracke and vtter vndooing, her
Father beeing an able and wealthye man, that woulde
hot let to £eeke reuenge; to preuent the£e and other mif-
ehiefes, I did bethinke me of this deuife.
I had a lufiy young fellowe to my man, called Rafe,
about the age of foure or fiue and twentie yeeres, whom
I had left to fee to my Myll nowe in myne abfence; this
Companion I knewe woulde be pat for my purpofe, and
one I was fure that woulde neuer flynch, to fpende hys
fix pence at his drinke or his drabbe: and calling to minde
an olde prefident, drawne from one of myne owne coate, I
meane, from the Miller that had taught hys man to counter-
feit fo long, tyll hee was hanged vp in hys 4Vlayfiers roome,
I determined with my felfe likewife, to make mine own
man the intrument that flaould fiand betweene mee and
all future mifchiefes.
Heere-uppon fayning an occafion to goe looke to my
Mill, and taking my leaue for the infiant with a kifte
I came where my man was, and quefiioning with him
of many idle matters, amongfi the refi I demaunded of him
how he lyked of the young mayden ?
Mary Mayfier (fayde hee) I doo lyke fo well of her,
that I woulde thinke it a moPt happie turne for men of
out
Greenes newes
our occupation, if all the diuelles of hell were fuch as flae is,
becaufe there are very few Millers that doo vfe to goe to hea-
uen: and then if hell were no worfe furnifhed than with
fuch, I wold hot care if I did take my iourney thether-wards
to morrowe fo foone as it were day.
Why Rfe (fayd I) thou knowefi where fhe lyeth in the
guef Chamber, & what wilt thou giue me if I turne thee in
to her, and giue thee infru&ion howe thou fhalt behaue thy
felfe, that fhee fhall not refufe to render courterie for thy
kindneffe. I coulde fcarce make an ende of" my wordes, but
my man, as if he had fiayed too long, hafiily aunfwered.
Mailler, I haue nothing in the world, but a fheepe and a
Lambe, which (as you knowe) doo goe in the Mill clore, per-
fourme your words, and I will giue you them both, and that
with all my heart.
I reioycing in mine owne conceit, to thinke howe kindly
I had coofoned my man, would needes clappe handes wyth
him for the better confirmance of the bargaine: the which
beeing thus agreede on betweene vs, I wylled him to goe in-
to the Chamber, and without any feare to get to the maydes
bed, and there to vfe no manner of fpeeches, but to worke all
his enterprifes, but onely by dumbe perfwafions.
But will you £ee howe cunning was heere caught in his
owne nette: I had thought to haue coofoned my man, but he
kifi me kindly for my acquaintance, and (according as I had
dire&ed him) into the Chamber he went, where my wife in
the darke could no better difcerne betweene me and my man,
than I was able before to iudge betweene her and the maid:
but he, vfing no wordes becaufe I had £o infru&ed him, and
fhe forbearing to fpeake for marring her owne Market, but
thus m sylence betweene them, I was coofoned on both
rides, for they agreede fo well together, that I thinke they
were loath to part, for my man feemed to like fo well of hys
entertaynment, that the day was ready to breake, before hee
would leaue his game. My wife on the other ride, in condi-
tion like vnto thofe, that when they haue fped well, cannot
keepe their owne counfaile: flaee gat her felfe vp immediatly
af ter,
[48]
both from Heauen and Hell.
after, and then calling the young maiden, who had flept qui-
etly all night, knowing nothing how matters had paffed a-
mongtt vs, and the day light being by this time a little clea-
red vp, between my man and I we lette her vpon her horfe,
with her facke of meale vnder her : and fhe gyuing me harty
thanks for my curtefie, departed thus towards her Fathers
houle.
Heere beganne Ra. and I againe to recreate our felues
with the remembrance of our nights pleafure, I fmild in my
fleeue to think how I had cofoned my man : my man laugh-
ed to remember how he had deceiued the maide: and beeing
thus together in the midft of our fports, in cornes my Wife,
feeming by her countenaunce to be as merry as the beft, and
taking me by the hand, fhe prayed me to goe in with ber, I
thinking fhe had fomewhat to fay, comming into the houfe,
fhee had prouided for my breakefaft a warme caudle dainti-
lie made, with a couple of Chickins rofted, and ftoode hote
vppon the Table. I that fawe this extraordinary diet, mer-
uailing what conceite was gotte into her head: afl¢ed her
what myght be the caufe of thys her fuddaine kindneffe ." fhe
that lookt me in the face as wantonly as if fhe had come late-
ly where the frolike had runne rounde about the houfe, aun-
fwered me thus.
Byr lady hufband you haue taken paynes to night, and
I perceiue you are not yet fo farre ouer fpent, but that you
are worth the cherifhing: you haue deferued a better break-
far then thys : for he that hath watcht as you haue doone ail
night, had neede be well comforted in the morning. Thefe
fufpicious words thus deliuered by my wife, brought mee
well neere into the fitte of an Ague : but beeing defirous to
be better fatif-fied in her meaning, I laid.
And what paynes haue I taken thys night, more then I
haue doone at other tymes ? I haue watched manie a night
before thys, when I round no fuch kindnes at your hande in
the morning.
Hufband (faid fhee) how fo euer you haue watched in
times paR, I know hot, but this nights labor hath deferued
G no
Greenes newes
no lelTe then a comfortable reforatlue, and in Pteed of Potato
rootes, I haue ruade you a warme Caudle next your hart:
be not aflaamed man of that you haue doone, for it was I
that fupplyed the young wenches place to night in the guePt
Chamber, and it was you that came thether and playde the 5
propper man. But I thinke hufoand, how foeuer you haue
ouer-reached me belote, I haue cryed quittance with you
to night. And nowe comfort your felfe whilf your meate
is warme, plucke vppe your fomake and fall to your break-
fafL o
1 that was not able with patience to endure hcr words,
burfing out in chollcr, laide. Thc dcuill takc thcc and thy
brcakcfaf, for thou haf g]ucn me a brcakfaf and a dynncr
to, that will fick in my fomacke whilf 1 liue. And going
my way in this chafe into my Myll, where my man percei- ;
uing my fuddaine paffion, demaunded of me the caufe of my
vnquietnes ? Vilaine (faid I)thy felfe art the caufe why I
am thus perplexed, for thou haPt lyne with my Wife: I
MaiPter (fayd he) you are much deceiued, and I protePt I
would not doo you fo much wrong, for fo much corne as wold 2o
ftll the Hopper.
Thou haPt doone it (fayd I)for flae hath confePt it vnto me,
and it was flae that did lye to night in the outer Chamber in
the young wenches roome. That was more then I knew of
(fayd my man,) but fith it was fo, I will haue my Sheepe 25
and my Lambe againe, for the bargaine was betweene vs,
that you fl'tould haue fent me in to the Maide, and I vppon
thys condition, promifed you my Sheepe & my Lambe, but
fith you haue broke your promife, by Saint Arme I will hOt
Pcand to my ba:gaine. 30
Thefe fpeeches of thys varlet, dyd more vexe and grieue
me then before: and yet I wiPt hot how I flaould be reuen-
ged, nor better remedy could I deuife, but after I had frea-
ted my f111, I commaunded the knaue to take his fl'teepe and
his Lambe, and prefently to gette him out of my feruice, nor 35
neuer after to corne within my doores, nor into any other
place in my wiues company.
Thys
[soi
both from Heauen and Hell.
Thys gaule of griefe continually fretting and gnawing
in my confcience, myght haue beene thought a fufficient pu-
nifhment though Rigore hymfelfe had pronounced the fen-
tente: but my terrefiall penaunce hot enough to appeafe
the angry Goddes, they haue decreed thys finall conclufion:
that as I was the author of myne owne harmes by myne
owne blindneffe» fo mine owne hornes fhall for euermore
fo grow in myne owne light, that beeing hOt able to difcerne
which way or how to direét my feppes, I fhould wander in
this folitary place, bereft of all other focietie, and fo to conti-
nue world without end.
The Woman that foode by all thys whyle, and had gy-
uen attentiue eare to thys difcourfe, friken as it fhold feeme
into fome remorfe, vpon what confideration I know not, but
thus fhe fayd.
Alas poore Myller, if thy punifhment be fo greeuous
for a fmall efcape ignorantly committed, woe is mee to
be-thinke what fhall betide to an infinite number j are dai-
lie infe&ed with thys common calamitie, this horne-plague
I meane, the generall ficknes of our time: a maladie that
hath fo much infe&ed both Citty, Towne, and Country, that
there are few places free, which are not fpiced heere & there,
with this forked generation: amongf the which there be a
number of honef Gentlemen, fome of them my verie good
freends and cufomers, whofe hornes doth hang fo much in
theyr own lights, that they are well contented to fuffer theyr
wiues to pranke themfelues vp in euery new fafhion, wher-
by to fet thêfelues to fale, & to make open fhow how lightly
they are difpofed : but the horne-plague fhal neuer depart his
houfe, that hath his wife fo garifhly incline&
But alas for pitty, what fhall become of a number of
kind harted Iittoles, that will not onely be contented to
hoode-winke themfelues from theyr Wiues adulteries,
but alfo to become Bawdes and Brokers, yea and fome-
rimes will not ficke to keepe the doores, whilf their Wiues
thall bec within, playing the harlots wyth theyr cufo-
mers.
G Blame
[5,]
Greenes newes
Blame hOt me that am touched with fome remorfe, for
thefe be the people that I doe liue by, for what flaoulde I doe
with my new-fangled traflae, if there were hOt as lycenci--
ous Women to buy them? And why flaould they deck them-
felues fo Curtifan-like to the view of the world, but to ma-
nifef'c their vnchaf appetites, that they might be the rather
defired of men.
The woman had no fooner ended thefe fpeeches, but flae
as fuddainly burf out into fuch a vehement laughter, that
for the rime, flae was hOt able to deliuer a word: but in the
end, with much a doe, recouering the vfe of her tongue, flaee
fayd: Now truely I cannot chufe but laugh to think of my
hufbande, howe ill fauoured he will looke with fuch a payre
of fpe&akles hanging ouer hys browes as thys Myller hath
gotte.
Wee that fioode by, and were more mindfull to fee an
end of our trauailes then difpofed to prolong the time in idle-
nes: I a/ked of the Mil/er if he did knowe where abouts the
place of Purgatory was, or if he could giue vs any dire&ion
which way we myght gette thither, he anfwered thus.
My good Freendes, what foeuer you be, you flaall vn-
derfiande, that thirtie yeeres and odde are already ouer paf-
fed fith I firf frequented thefe infernal] pathes, in which
meane fpace, though I haue hOt been able to difcerne mine
owne footefeppes, yet by the reports of fundry trauailers
that hath paffed thefe waies, I haue learned thus much con-
cerning Purgatory.
The perlons that were the firf'c founders of the place,
were hOt perfecly fighted, but like as the Owle which can-
hOt abide the light of the Sunne, flyeth euermore in night,
fo thofe men, hOt able to endure that excellent brightneffe
which is the onely true light to euery perle& vnderfianding,
framing ail theyr platformes in obfcuritie and darkneffe, a-
mongf'c other idle inuentions, woulde needes take vppon
them the building of Purgatorie. The place where they
had feated it, was fo obfcured with fuch fogges and filthy
myfies, that no man that had the perfe& vfe of hys wittes,
'a$
both from Heauen and Hell.
was euer able to find the fituation. The foundation wheron
it was layd, was lyes and foolilh fantafies, the rett of the
vpper buildings, was dreames and doting deuifes. AIl the
whole edifice, was of fuch lyght and rotten ttuffe, that after
they had beene two or three hundred yeeres patching & pee-
cing it together, a poore filly Swaine naked and thred bare,
called Trueth, blowing againtt the building but with a little
blaft of breath, the gale was of fuch force againft it, that the
whole matter & fubttance together with the Founders, Pa-
trons, Pro&ors, Prote&ors & Defenders, were al blown im-
mediatly into Hell: fo that who foeuer he be that feeketh for
Purgatory, there hee ]hall be fure to finde it: and for thefe
thirty yeeres that I haue wandred in thefe places, there ne-
uer came any to enquire after it but madde men and fooles.
Why then fayd I (to our companion that itoode by with
hys Candle,) I perceiue you had fome reafon to bring light
with you when you came to feeke Purgatory, fith the place
is fo darke and fo daintie to be found. But nowe you know
affuredly where you may finde it, your Candle will Rand
you in fome tteede to light you to Hell.
Hee breaking out into fundry parlions, fome-times ra-
ging againtt the Myller, faying that he was but an ignorant
and a lying Heretique: then calling to his memory the long
tyme he had fpent in feeking of Purgatory, hee beganne as
vehemenfly to rayle againtt the Pope, and as bitterly to ex-
claime againft hys Iefuites and 8eminaries, that had promi-
fed to inttru& hym in the high way to Heauen, and dire&lie
lent him the verie next way to Hell.
In thefe angry fittes hee blewe out hys Candle, and
throwing it from him, was contented to hold vs companie
in the reft of our iourny.
Whilit we were wadering thus together, we had hOt
paced the difance of a furlong, but we might heare the
founde of a Horne, which was blowne with fuch ]hrilneffe,
that the Eccho redoubled againe in the ayre, and looking a-
bout vs, we might perceiue a farre of, where one came ry-
ding pott ail in black ts fait ts his horfe was able to fling,
G 3 and
Greenes newes
and with his quicke fpeede immediatly paffing by vs, wee
knewe him by his balde pate and his Coule hanging at hys
backe, that he was a fatte fquaddy Monke, that had beene
well fedde in fome Cloyfer, who with his great hafe was
fuddainly out of our fights." and we had hOt trauailed farre,
but we might fee Hell gates fanding wide open, with a-
boundaunce of people that were flocking out of all quarters,
preafing in as thicke, as if in the Terme rime they were
thronging to 14eflminfler Hall. And prefently we might be-
hold a cleere auoydance in the gates, and a multitude com-
ming foorth, with Belles, with Banners, with Torches,
with Croffes and with Copes, in a very folemne manner of
Proceffion, finging Salue fefla dies.
Wee fanding ffill in a gaze as they paffed by, I deman-
ded of one of the traine what myght be the meaning? Who
anfwered mee that there was a Po newly come frs Rome,
with newes that the Popes Legate was hard at hand, with
fome great Embaffage: and that folemnitie was onely to
entertaine him, to flaew what reuerence they dyd beare to
hys Mailler. The thronge that followed was fo exceeding,
that we were mightily flaouldered to and fro amongf the
company, but l/eluet breeches & I, determining to fee what
would follow, we tooke the one the other by the hand, folow-
ing in the preafe til at length this holy Legate was feene
where he was, cming, fo that it was not long but they met.
The Legate y was a chuffe-headed Cardinall with a paire
of fulfome cheekes, fretched out like one that were playing
on a bag-pipe, alighted from his palfry, and prefenting him-
felfe before Lucifer, who was there in place to receiue him, he
fel down vpon his knees, praying the Prince of darkneffe, to
befow his fatherly benedi&ion vpon the Popes holines, hys
chiefe Vicar & Vizegerent vpon earth: the only man that he
was efpecially beholding vnto, who lent him from time to
time whole Millions of foules for the increafing of his king-
dome: from whom I ara lent with matters of much impor-
tance to be heere confidered of, and whofe perron in this place
I doo now reprefent.
Lucifer
[54]
both from Heauen and Hell.
Lucifer lyfting vp one of hys pawes, and waging it ouer
the Legates head, fayd: That bleffing that God gaue vnto
Caine for the killing of hys Brother /1bel, lyght vppon thy
Maifier and hys fucceffours for euer. Then taking hym by
5 the arme, he fayd.
Stand vppe, for confidering whofe Embaffadour thou
art, it were an embacing to thine efiate, if thou flaouldefi
fhew any figne of humility or lowlines. Thou doofi heere
reprefent the perfon of/lntechrifl, whofe pride coulde neuer
o yet furrender it felfe to any manner of obedience, I will not
therefore in this place r any thing be imbeifeled, that might
derogate the leafi dignity from that Chayre of pefilence, I
meane the holy Sea of Rome.
Then was there brought foorth a mofi ftately Chayre,
5 which was prepared of purpofe, in which Chayre /lmbition
and Pryde hauing placed the Cardinall, olde Ignorance and
young Obfiinacy, (the one blind, the other froward,)taking
it vpon theyr flaoulders, as if the Pope himfelfe were carried
in his PontiJicalibus, and then a rich & fumptuous Canapie
2o beeing fpred ouer him, and borne by foure fupporters, which
were, Idolatry, Hipocrifie, Herefle, and Bla.[phemy, thus in
this pompious manner (beeing placed in the Proceflîon next
Lucifer himfelfe) they returned to Hell, whofe gates I no-
ted to be fo large and fpacious, that a Princes Army though
2.; it were martialed in any proportion of battayle, with Fyl-
lets, Troupes and Winges, might well haue marched n
without any manner of dyforder. And although the inner
roomes did fo exceede in greatnes, that it paffeth humaine
reafon to conceiue of them aright, yet he that fhould behold
:o the aboundance of people that reforte thether daily, and the
infinite number that are there to be feene flocking in euerie
corner therof, wold more wonder to thinke what place could
fo containe them.
Beeing thus come into Hell, they went to the Chappel,
35 where Pope Hildebrand the firfi founder of Trq[ubflantia-
tion was ready to fay Ma, the which beeing ended, Sa-
than (who can in no wife endure the deferring of matters
that
[55]
Greenes newes
that dooth concerne his owne effare» went immediatly into
the Conuocation houle» where calling about him a mof ab-
hominable company of Popes, Cardinals, Bifhops, Pry-
ors, Abbots» and other Clergy men» that hath beene for this
foure or fiue hundred yeeres» fill of his priuie Counfaile, the 5
Legate was wiiled to deliuer the effe& of his meffage» who
making hys entrance with a breefe Orat]on, tencling to the
commendation of the Popes carefulneffe» how many frata-
gemes he had endeuoured againf Englande, Fraunce» and
Ireland» for the better efablifhing of the Kingdome of lnte- o
chrifl in thofe places: and he was nowe to let them vnder-
fand, firf for England. Vghere he had thought to haue ac-
compliflaed hys purpofes by the meanes of his Ieuites and
8eminaries, whom he lent thether in flockes, to withdrawe
the people from theyr obedience, to fyrre them to fedition, 5
rebellion and vprore: to pra&ife treafons againf theyr So-
ueraigne» yea and to vndertake many horrible enterprifes
againf the perron of the Prince, whom God hath fil migh-
tilie defendecl, not olely preferuing her from their traiterous
pra&ifes, but likewife hath fo reuealed the confpiracies of2o
the pra&ifers» that from time to time they haue been fiil ap-
prehended, and fo lent to Tyburne, to fay In manus tuas.
Beeing therefore exempted from ail manner of hope to
£nd any good fucceffe in thefe former platformes, h]s Holi-
neffe craueth your Heilifh infru&ions» what courre hee 25
might now follow for the recouery of that Country.
For Fraunce» it would afke a long rime heere to be dyf-
courfed what trecheries» what treafons, what mi(chieues»
what murthers, and what maffacres hys Holines hath there
from time to time effe&ed: and although hee hath now fir- 3o
red vppe hys vaffaile the King of 8payne, who hath from the
dignitie of a magnificent Prince, furrendred himfelfe to be-
corne a flaue to the Pope» to corne and goe as he appoints
him, and to be the executor of ail his damnable deuifes, and
hath hys forces nowe in that Countrey, in the affifance of 35
Traytors and Rebels, aganf theyr naturall Prince ancl
lawfull King.- yet hys Holines can haue no affured hope
to
[5 6 ]
both from Heauen and Hell.
to fupprelTe the light of the Gofpell retayned amongf them,
or vtterly to fubuert the profeffors of it, without fome diuel-
lifh deuife, platted and contriued from this infernall pitte of
hell.
Nowe lafly for Ireland, if that Countrey might ffill bee
continued in that fate as it now fandeth, there were many
hopes to be expe&ed, hot neceffary in this place to bee openly
reuealed: for although the naturall people of that Countrey,
(yea euen in the mof barbarous places) be of thêfelues very
zealoufly inclyned, & without all peraduenture, would eafily
be drawn to the true knowledge and worfhip of God, if they
had fuch a Minifer amongf them, as might infru& them,
afwell in wholefome do&rine, as in good example of lire: but
the Pope bath fo well prouided for the place, that the whole
Country dooth fwarme with IeJ'uits, 8eminaries, and maffing
Priefs, yea, and Fryers, that haue recourfe into Dublyne
it felfe, and thefe doo keepe fuch a continuall and daylie buzing
in the poore peoples eares, that they are hot onely ledde from
all duety and obedience of theyr Prince, but alfo drawne
from God by fuperffitious Idolatrie, and fo brought head-
long by heapes into hell: for through the whole Countrey,
the people are fo confidently perfwaded in the do&ryne of
lntechrifl, that they thinke out Lord will doo nothing with-
out the mediation of our Lady, of Mary, or of Iohn. And to
fpeak truly of the Clergy of that Realme, if there be one that
feeketh to vpholde the glory of God, there is ten for that one
that feeketh to vpholde the kingdome of lntechrifl; neyther
is it to be doubted, but that there be fome fewe, which both in
preaching and lyuing fheweth all finceritie and godlyneffe of
lire: but there be a number of others, which neither fay nor
doo, neither preach well, nor liue well. Some other there be
that now and then will get vp into a Pulpit, and there they
will fpend an howre, chyding againf the Pope in the courre
of their fpeaking, and they are no fooner corne down but they
will defie God himfelfe halle a yeere after, in the manner of
theyr lyuing: and this example of theyr vngodly behauiour,
is no little corrafiue to weake confciences, that doo beholde
H their
[57]
CrccKlc$ llcwc$
thcir iccdncs. For hat is if for a Çlergy a» bc he r-
.]bn, be he Vicar, be he Deacon, be he /Ircluteacon, be he By-
hop, be he/Irchbiop, or let him be what he wil, if he be one
that will rather endeuour himfelfe to fleece his flocke than to
feed it, that hath hot fo much care ofthe children ofGod, com-
mitted to his charge, which he fuffereth dayly to perifh: as
he hath to prouyde marriages for his own children, in theyr
very infancie, and when they are vnder age: that dooth
builde houles, and purchafe rents by corruption, extortion,
and briberie, that dooth eat and drinke the finnes of the igno-
rant people dayly at his table: that will hot admit of a par-
don from the Pope, yet dares not bee without fiue or fix fe-
uerall pardons from the Prince, for treafon, for murther, for
theft, for robbery, for confpyracy, for confederacy, for rafyng,
for forging, for extortion, for bryberie, and for many other
filthy matters, fhamefull to be fpoken off, were it not before
this haggifh affembly: and what though from a bafe and
beggerly parentage, he could fhewe himfelfe lofty in minde,
lofty in lookes, and lofty in ail the ref of his demeanures:
Would not fuch a Prelate be fit for the deuilles Chappell?
The Legat had no fooner made an end of thefe latter words,
but in cornes Dick Tarlton, apparrelled like a Clowne, and
finging this peece of an olde long.
If this be trewe as true it is,
Ladie Ladie :
God fend ber life may mend the miffe,
Mo.[t dcere Ladie.
This fuddaine iePc brought the whole company into fuch
a vehement laughter, that not able agayne to make them
keepe filence, for that prefent tyme they were faine to breake
vppe: and as Veluet breeches and I were walking arme in
arme through the preafe, wee fortuned to meete with Coin-
mens, one that fome fewe yeeres agoe, had beene a Sargeant
m London, who no fooner efpyed Veluet breeches, but hee
got vp a fire-brand, wherewith he gaue hym fuch a froake
ouer the flaoulders, that the coales flewe all about the place.
léluet breeches againe vppe with his fifa, and gaue hym
fuch
[8]
both from Heauen and Hell.
fuch a blowe vnder the eare, that had lyke to haue tryken
him ouer: with this they dofed, and beganne to pommell
one an other as faf as theyr fifs coulde walke, the compa-
ny that foode by beganne to cry Clubbes, Clubbes, Clubbes,
5and immediatly they came rufhing in about vs, wyth
flefh-hookes, with Coale rakes, wyth Fyre-forckes, and
with fuch other furniture, as a man would haue thought
were all corne out of a Kytchin: and wyth fome little a-doe
they parted the fray, and the partyes were prefently by
othe Officers brought before Lucifer, and I beeing a
fraunger in the place, was lykewife carryed with them
for company: where Comment beeing charged to bee
the firf Authour of the broyle, in his owne excufe ren-
dred this reafon.
I was (fayde hee) fometimes an Officer vnder the
Sheriffes of London, and beeing feede by a Towns man to
arref leluet breeches, I was brought vnto him where hee
was in a Barbers fhoppe, fitting with a Baron before hym,
full of fopie water, wherewith the Barber was rubbing hys
cheekes, and dafhing of hym about the lippes, and I feeing
hym thus in trymming, thought of curtefie to forbeare the
dooing of myne off-yce, tyll the Barbar had ended his bu-
fineflî:, and fetting my felfe downe without any worde
fpeaking, leluet breeches by chaunce efpying my Mace
2;vnder my Gowne, fufpe&ing a-ryght the caufe of my
comming, fuddaynelie (before I was a-ware of hym)
threwe all the water fo dire&ly in my face, that the
Sope getting into myne eyes, did fo fmart and grieue
mee, that for my life I was not able to holde them o-
3open! But whilf I foode farke blinde for the tyme,
wypmg and rubbing of myne eyes, Ieluet breeches
packt himfelfe out of" the doores, that I could neuer after
come where hee was tyll thys prefent, and I vowed then
to bee reuenged of him the next rime that euer I fawe him:
and I am now to craue the priuiledge of the place, for it is di-
re&ly againf our auncient cul, orne, that there fhould be any
quarrels or controuerfies taken vp heere, or that there fhould
H z bee
Greenes newes
be round any peace-makers in hell: with this the whole mul-
titude began to growe into an vprore, and they fell immedi-
aflie to taking of parts: and firi there iood vp in Commens
behalfe, a great number of cruell creditors, crafty Lawyers,
Merchants, Retaylers, Scriueners, Broakers, and a mofi5
flaamefull and filthy company of vfurers.
l/eluet breeches on the other ride, he wanted no friends,
for there were a great many that knew him: and thofe that
tooke hys part, were fwahers, fwearers, whore-maiPcers,
theeues, robbers, ruff-yan.s, royfiers, and coofoners. o
As they were growmg into this commotion amongPc
themfelues, there were gathered together an infinite num-
ber of Cony-catchers, which came to take part with I/'eluet
breeches: who feeing me to Pcand by, they beganne to growe
into confufed exclamations againP mee, fome laide, let vs 5
teare the villaine in peeces, that hath written fo many bookes
againft vs: other fayde, let vs fley of his fkinne, and cut the
the flefh from his bones in fmall gobbets, that hath fo mani-
fefted the fecrets of out trade and profeffion, to the world:
fome other fayde, let vs cut the tongue out of his head, and 2o
put out both his eyes, that hath beene an enemie to the arte
of Cony-catching, and hath fo fhamefully inueyed againf the
pra6tifes; Then came there foorth an infinite number of wo-
men Cony-catchers, and they fware they would geld me, for
marring theyr Market, and hindering them of theyr taking. 25
Thus was I threatned on ail rides, euery man Poode won-
dering at mee, no man to take my part: But Lucifer percei-
uing the caufe of their griefes, by the manner of their cla-
mors, & willing to appeafe their paffions with any punifh-
ment, commaunded mee prefently to bee thruf foorth of heil 30
gates and charging me fo to remaine a ref'deffe fpirite, wan-
dering through the world, and neuer after to make any re-
turne agayne to that place.
Thus for the writing of bookes, I was firP banifhed fr
Heauen for my ouer much parciallitie, and nowe exiled from 35
hell, for my too much plainneffe: I remayne now (as I haue
tolde you) a walking fpyrite, refileffe and remedileffe to wan-
der
[66
both from Heauen and Hell.
der through the world; I woulde therefore wifh my friends
to beware howe they walke late a nights, for I will bee the
madde Gobline, that euer vfed to walke in the Moone-
fhine. For I will fometimes bee a fpirite of the Buttery,
and I will fo intoxicate their heades, that doo frequent the
places of my haunt, that at night they fhall hOt be able to find
the way to their beds, tyll they haue taken their firf fleepe
on the flore.
Sometimes I will bee Robin Goodfellowe, and will
o meete with a wanton wench in a darke corner, and let her
bleffe and croffe ber felfe as well as fhe can, I will put her in
fuch a bodily feare, that for fortie weekes after, fhee fhall
thinke that young bugges are crawling in ber belly.
Sometimes I will fhew fuch dreames & vyfions to wo-
i men whil they be fleeping, that they fhai1 make theyr Huf-
bands Cuckolds when they are waking.
Sometimes I will tranf-forme my felfe into diuers
fhapes, and will walke through ail trades, ai1 Sciences, and
all occupations, and fome I will infe& with the fpirite of
2o uarice, fome with tuilerie, fome with deceipt and ail manner
of fubtiltie, that they fhall leaue no pra&ife vnfought for,
whereby to rake and gather pelle, to leaue to theyr heyres,
that the olde Prouerbe might bee verified: Happy are thofe
chiMren, whofe Fathers goe to the deuill.
2S In the Tearme time, I will be in PUeflminfler ha# a-
mongf the Lawyers, whome I will make fo capable in the
quyllityes of the Lawe, that they fhall coofen twentie Cly-
ents of theyr coyne, before they will bring one to an ende of
hys caufe; and will not fiicke nowe and than to get me vp
3o to the bench, amongoE the Iudges themfelues, to let them raff
a little of the fweetneffe of corruption.
You may eafily thinke that I meane to frequent the
Court, where I will oppofe my felfe a profeffed enemie a-
gainfi Good defart, and let him corne thether and pleade his
3 many yeeres feruice in the warres: let him flaew his wounds
and maymes, gotten in his Countreys defence: let him fig-
nifie his time and patrimony fpent in his Princes quarrell,
H 3 to
[61]
Greenes newes
to malntayne himfelfe» and to releeue fuch as were about
him : or let hlm pretend many other indeuours» in the feruice
of hys Soueraigne» that might worthily mooue a fauourable
confideration» if there/hall bee founde one that will affoorde
him a fauourable looke» or a comfortable fpeech, there/hall be
two for that one to requite him with dlfdainfull counte-
nance, and churli/h checkes.
I will hOt tell ail, howe gr]euous I will be to Large_fie
and Lyterallitie, nor how miferable I will /hew my felfe in
fhutting vp of the Princes bountie: Let this fuffice» hee that
/hall become a Suter at the Court» without golde in his
purfe to fee a brybing Groome, let him looke for fmail grace
in his lutes: for I will frike fuch a deafeneffe into the eares
of the Clarkes and Secretaries, appertayning to great men»
that when a penyleffe Suter cornes vnto them with cap and
curtefie» they/ha] hOt vnderfand what the foole meaneth» nor
be able to heare one worde that he fpeaketh, without a bribe.
I might marre ail if I/hould tell ail, how I ment to befirre
my felfe amongf the Courtiers of ail forts» but they fay,
Enough is as good as a FeaPt. 2o
The Cleargy mu not thinke to efcape me fcotfree, for I
muf needes be acquainted with thefe double beneficed men,
and wil many times conuerfe with fuch as be _Non refldents ;
and fometimes I will get vp into the Pulpit and preach, but
you may eafily difcerne mee, for my text /hall be, Doo as I
fay, but hot as I doo ; My conclufion is, Good friends take
heede how you corne in thofe places where I walke, for you
may perceiue I ara bent vpon mifchiefe, I can but therefore
wifla you to looke to your felues: and fo fare you well.
FINIS.
[6,]
II.
GREENES FUNERALLS.
ByR. B.
Iii
[Omament with ¢ I D.'J
GREENES
Funeralls.
I R B. Gent.
[Dantesdevice»
with
Printed at London by Iohn Danter, and are
to beJbld at his Houle in Hqfier-lane nere
Holbourne-Conduit.
I9 4.
To tAe Gentlemen Readers
Health.
[ G'[Entle Reader, 1 once readd of a
]King, that diuided the day into
5 [three parts; the Firf hee fpent in
l Prayer, the Second in hearing of
I his Subiecs caufes, and the laf in
delight and pleafure of his body: So (Gende Rea-
der) I hope thou wilt fpend one daies pleafure in
reading this Pamphlet wherin no curious theame
is writt vppon ; but certaine Poemes, Entituled:
Greenes Funeralls. VVhich contrarie to the Au-
thours expeation I haue nowe publithed, for it
was his priuate fudy at idle times. Gendemen»
fine wits are quickned with one cup of pure wine»
where many woulde make them duII; And this
fmall Pamphlet may recreate your mindes» when
large Volumes would but cloy and weary you:
Now if the Authors paines» and the Printers la-
bour may be acceptable to thee (Gentle Reader)
the one hath his hyer» and the other his defire.
)'ours in all curefie, lohn Danter.
[69]
Sonnet» I.
Hy fAould my Pen prefume to write his praife,
W And hee in perfeeï mould of Verrue framde ?
PVAy fould my Mule ring of Ais Aappie daies,
'And he tAe marke» at wAich Dame Nature framde ?
I4"hy rather.[hould I not./'uch vertues.[how»
That./'uch pure golde from droffe each man may know ?
But ceafe my Mufle, why dofl chou cake in hand fo great a Taske :
14/'hich to performe a greater wit» chan Mercuries would aske ?
For iudgement loue, for Learning deepe, he flill Apollo feemde :
For floent Tongue, for eloquence, men Mercury him deemde.
For curtefle fuppo.[e him Guy» or Guyons./'omewhat le_fie:
His lire and manners though I would» I cannot halle expreffe.
Nor Mouth, nor Minde, nor Mule can halfe declare»
His Life, h/s Loue» his Laude» jb excellent they were.
Sonnet» II.
[]
Sonnez II.
/7Ortune, hates hOt, them that hate ber:
Fortune, loues hOt, them that loue ber:
Fortune, wouM, and cannot rate her :
Fortune, .[hall, and mufl remoue ber.
lnd though flckle Fortune fmile :
It is but for a little while.
Greene loude Fortune foolifh Man,
Foolifh man, why loude he fo ?
lnd her foolifh race he ran,
Foolifh race thats run with woe.
Z,o t,«n (.,4a) was l mifuf, a?
Now (llas) is more abufed?
But let Fowles and foolifh fellowes,
Barke and byte their belly flll:
It is not fpighoCull Enuies bellowes,
That tan kindle tire flill.
No Booke pleafes all that corne:
None fo bad but pleafes ome.
IO
Sonnet, III.
[72]
Sonnet. III.
yEE dainty Damfels ofDianes Traine,
That long to dally, with your loued Lords :
,4nd you braue Gallant, high refolued Lords.
That loue to gaze, vpon your flately Starrs.
He he is dead, that kild you with didaine :
Hnd often fedde your friendy hopes againe.
He he is dead, that wrote of your delights :
That wrote of Ladies, and of Parramours:
Of budding beautie, and hir branched leaues,
o Of.[weet content in royall Nuptialls.
He he is dead, that kiki you with difdaine :
./lnd often fed your friendly hopes againe.
His gadding Mule, although it ran of loue,
Yet did hee fweetly morralize, his fongs :
5 Ne euer gaue the looj'er taule to laugh,
Ne men of Iudgment, for to be offended.
B But
But as he often kild them with difdaine :
So did he often feede their hopes againe.
lnd though he often told of things to corne,
In loue more like a Prophet than a Poet :
Yet did he wifely interlace the one,
I4/ith Sages fayings, euer mixt among.
lnd though he often fedde their pleafing pairie:
Yet did he often kill them with difdaine.
14/herefore yee dainty Damfels of renowne,
That long to dallie, with your loued Lords:
lnd you braue Gallant, worthy noble Lords,
That loue to dandle in your Ladies lapps.
Corne hither corne, and lend your mouths to Fame :
That meanes to found, his neuer dying name.
Sonnet. IIII.
[74]
Sonnet, IIII.
COme from the Mules well Minerua,
Corne and bring a Coronet :
To crowne his head, that doth deferue,
/1 greater gift than Colinet.
Come from Bacchus bowre Silenus,
Corne and bringJ'ome good-ale grout:
For to J'princkle Vino-plenus :
/lll his foolifh face about.
IO
Corne thou hither fweete Amyntas
/lll on a flluerJ'ounding 8wanne :
Corne and teach this fond A-mint-/ffe
Leaue the game as hee began.
Corne thou hither my friend fo pretty,
lll riding on a Hobby-Horfe :
t5 Either make thyfelfe more witty:
Or againe renew thy force :
Come and decke his browes with baies,
That deferues immortall praife.
Bu
Sonnet, V.
[75]
Sonnet. V.
./1Mend thy fille who can: who can amend thy flile ?
For fweet conceit.
/llas the while,
That euer anyJuch, as thou /houldfl die,
By fortunes guile,
/lmids thy meate.
_Pardon (Oh pardon) me that cannot /hew,
My zealous loue.
Yet /halt thou proue,
That I will euer write in thy behoue :
Gainfl any dare,
I¢ith thee compare.
It is hOt Hodge-poke nor his fellow deare,
That I doe feare :
/ls Ahall appeare.
But him alone that is the Muj'es owne,
/lnd eke my friend,
141"home to the end,
My mufle muet euer honor and adore:
1o
15
Doe
[ 76]
Doe what I tan.
To praife the man,
It s impofiible for me that
$o far behinde.
$ Yet is my minde»
Is forward as the be, if wit fo would
I/kïth will agree.
ButJnce I fee,
It will hOt bee :
o I ara content, my folly to confeffe :
lnd pardon craue.
14hich if I haue,
My Fortunes greater than my former fall :
I mufl confeffe.
f But if he other wife efleeme of me,
Than as a friend or one that honors thee : Ç
Then is my labor lo, my tare confumde. (
BecauJ'e I hate the hope, that fo preJumde .)
B 3 Sonnet, VI.
. . .
[ 7,]
Sonneg VI.
OF Tel-tales tell my mu./'e,
of fuch as loue to lie :
Of.fuch as v.fe, for to abufe,
the& friends and no cau.fe why.
Of uch and none butuch,
My pen ]ha# write his pleafure :
/lnd them at large I meane to tuch,
I4/'hen I haue time and lea.fure.
My rime is rude, what then ?
Yet will it.[erue the turne :
To notefieuch w#ked men,
/ls doe deoferue to burne.
/ls doe deoferue to burne aid I ?
Nay worfe : that ought to feele,
The raging force and crueltie :
Of oM Ixions wheele.
But leafl I ]houM this mourning Mu.le retaine :
Ile fa# into an other kinde of vaine.
Sonnet, Vil
IO
[Ts]
Sonnet, //ll.
Though per«han«e it fieme toJ'ome but a toy and a trifle,
Seeme to J'ome in oaine, to beowe but a part of an houre,
In penning Poemes : in Aon'ring him witA a Poeme.
Yet I appeale to tAe pen of pierelee Poet Amyntas, (tas,
Matchles Amintas minde, to the minde of Matcldes Amin-
Sweete bonny Phillis loue, to the loue of J'weete bonny Phillis,
I4hether pen, or minde, or loue, of Phillis Amintas
Loue, or minde, or pen, of pen-loue-minder Amintas:
Thinke of him (perhaps) asJ'ome doe thinke ofAmintas:
Oh that I might be loude, of Phillis louer: Amintas.
Oh that I might be thought, as I thinke of Phillis: Amintas.
Oh toeat I might be iudgde as I iudge of Phillis : Amintas:
Then ould I neuer care for fuÆh bafe beggarly make-bookes
That in ueigh againfl tAe dead, like deadly maligners.
lhat if he vere a man, as bad or orfe than a Hel-hound ?
As fAall I tAinke that Ae vas as bad or wor_fe than a Hel-Aound?
Yet it ill became J'eete miudes to haunt in Auernus :
lll becameJ'uch Cutes, to barke at a poore filly carcas
Some had cau./'e to morte» and mourne, OE murmur againfl him :
Others none at all, yet none at all, J'o againH Aire.
For my filfe 1 ifA, that none had vriuen againfl
But fuch men which had iufl taule haue wrtten againfl him.
Sonnet. /"11 I.
[79]
Sonnet, VIII.
Mil'le giue place to my morte, and morte giue place to my mu./ing :
One for an others caufe, and one for caufe of an other.
Firfl to behold him dead: laF1 to behold him aliue. (raines,
lnd thou Shepheards Swaine, that keepes thy fheepe by the moun-
(Mountaines) of Sicily, and fweet Arcadian Iland,
Oh Meliboeus: leaue, Oh leaue any more to be mourning.
For though his lrt bee dead, yet./hall R euer abide :
Euer abide, to the end: light, as a light to the refl.
Refl that haue wrot of loue: and the delights of a louer.
But by the fweete confent, of Pan and Marfias offpringe.
Sweet confent of a Saint fo fweet, of a Fowle an a foule one
Greenes but a foolifh man: and fuch as him doe defend.
Yet will I euer write both to defend and offend:
For to defend his friends, and to offend his foes.
|0
Sonnet, IX.
Sonnet, IX.
GReene, is the pleafing Obiegt of an eie : (him.
Greene, pleafde the des of all that lookt vppon
Greene, is the ground of euerie Painters die :
Greene, gaue the ground, to a# that wrote vpon him.
5 Nay more the men, thatfo Eclipfl hisfame:
Purloynde his Plumes, can they deny the fame ?
Cb couM my Mule, oM Maltaes Poet paffe,
(If any Mule could paffe, old Malt«es Poet)
Then fhould Ais naine be fet in fhining braffe,
In fhining braffe for all the world to .{hooe it.
That little cAildren, hot as yet begotten
Might royallize Ais fame when he is rotten.
But finc my Mule begins to vaile hir wings,
/lnd flutter low vpon the lowly Earth :
4s one thatfugred Sonnets, feldomefinges,
C
E xcep t
[,.] [ , ]
Except the found of farines, more than mirth,
To tell the worth of fuch a worthy man:
Ile leaue # vnto thofe» that better tan.
Now may thy foule againe» goe take his refl
(His pleafant refl) in thofe eternall ioyes
14here burning Tapers, flill attend the blefl
To light, and lighten them from a# annoyes.
Goe then poore Poet, liue and neuer die :
Euer, yet neuerbut in miferie.
lnd as I came into the world vnknowne»
Moude with compaffon, of thy piteous plaint :
$o will I now againe, myfelfe goe mone,
That dur]'l prefume» thy praife in verre to paint.
lnd if the Mufes pardon, mine [o weake :
I paffe hot of a pin» what others fpeake.
Sonnet. X.
[83
Sonnet, X.
Catalogue of certaine of
his Bookes.
CAmilla for the flrfl and fecond part.
T¢e Card of Fancie, and eis Tullies loue.
His Nunquam Sera, and heu Nightingale.
His Spanifh Mafquerado, and eis Change.
5 His Menaphon, and Metamorphofis.
His Orpharion, and tee Denmarke King.
His Cenfure, and his Loues Tritameron.
His Difputation, and tee Death of him,
That makes all England ed fo many teares :
o dnd many more teat I haue neuer feene
May witnes well vnto tee world eis wit,
Had ¢e fo well, as well applied it.
C 2 Sonnet, XI.
[83]
Sonnet, XI.
VVHen my loathed life, had loF1 the light of Olimpus,
lnd de.fcended downe, to the curfed caues of Auernus,
Neuer more had I thought, of men to be inlie mole.flei,
But now alas, I fee my hope is vaine:
My plea.fure turned, to eternall paine. 5
For fuch foolifh men, as I had neuer abu.fed:
Neuer abu.fed alas, yet alas, had euer abufed:
Euer abufed fo, becau.fe fo neuer alufecl.
Not onely.feeke to quench my kindled gloHe,
But al_fo for to marre my vertues FtoHe. i o
tnd though my li]e were lewd, Oh how it grieues me to thinke it.
Læwcl as a lifæ might be, from all good «ounfell aban«ond:
lna giuen ouer vp, to the out cafl.fenfe of a finner.
Yet might my end, haue moud them to remorce :
tnd hot to reake their teene, on fillie corfe. 15
Sonnet, XII.
[84]
Sonne XII.
Father of Heauen, for thy mercies meekenes,
And thy fweete Sonnes fake, Chrift the redeemer,
Pardon, Oh pardon, finfull offender,
Lord I befeech him.
And though his age, here on earth were a loathfome
Pudddle of filthynes, inly poluted,
VVith all abufe, that can be deuifed,
Yet was his ending;
Ending a myrrour, of a man moleted,
One ouer-whelmed with his iniquities,
And to be holpen alone by the le.fus
Sauiour of all men.
Sonnet. XIII.
Sonnet, XIII.
/l fweete Praier to the Trinitie by R. S and v_fed of
R. G. at the inflant of his death.
TRinity bleffed, Deitie coequall,
Vnitie facred, God one eke in effence,
Yeeld to thy feruant pittifully calling
Mercifull hearing.
Vertuous liuing, did I long relinguifh,
Thy will and precpts miferably fcorning,
Graunt to me, finfull patient, repentifig,
Healthfull amendment.
Bleffed I iudge him, that in heart is healed,
Curfed I know him, that in health is harmed.
Thy Phificke therefore to me, wretch vnhappie,
Send my Redeemer.
Glorie to God the Father, and his onelie Sonne,
The Prote&or of vs Earthie finners
Thy facred Spirit, laborours refrefhing,
Still be renowmed. /lmen.
5
IO
Sonnet, XIIII.
[86]
So_ nnct, XIIII.
/ln other Poeme, borrowed of the fame learned
Gentleman R. S. R. G. fpeaketh.
LOrd, my dryrie foes, why doe they multiply ?
Me for to ruinate, fundry be couetous.
Him fhildes hot the Godhead, fundry fay to my Soule.
Th'art Lord mof vigilant, wholy my fuccorer,
And in thee ail my tayinge, fhall be harboured:
Th'art my mof valiant vi6torie glorious.
To our Lord lowd I cried: from holy place heard he me.
In graue new buried, fcarce haue I flumbred:
I rofe to life againe, through God his holines.
I feare not furious multitude, infinite,
VVith compaffe labouring, my body for to catch.
Rire Lord omnipotent, helpe me, my champion,
Lord, thy deare radiant, righteous equitie,
Hath fquifde all my foes, falfely me ranfaking.
Out Lord participiates, fafetie with happines:
/Cith gifts, heauenly Godhead, thy people amply bleffe.
tmen.
FINIS.
[s ]
NOTES.
P. 3. I. Greovory Coollt] There are several relrerences to this person in the
State Papers, where his naine awears as Cole. In t 586 he is mentioned, in
a list of Irish claimants, as having a debt to collect for ' my Lady of Sussex '
(see Calendar of State Papert, Irid, t $86-8, p. lz6, also pp. 65, Io4, I45 ).
Later he became implicated in the affairs of Sir John Perrot, lord deputy of
h'eland. In I $88 Perrot had been summoned to London to answer certain
accusations touching his loyalty, which included charges of having spoken dis-
respectfully of the Queen. Among those to whom he had ruade disloyal
remarks was Cole, who had, however, kept them to himself, and hot reported
them as he should bave done. For this we can hardly blame him, seeing
that Perrot had threatened to break his neck if he gave him away, and was just
the man to carry out his threat. Nevertheless, Cole was imprisoned, and he
was still a prisoner at Dublin in October, I $9z (Cal. of S. P., Irid, I $9z-6,
p. z). In the following month, however, his release was ordered by the
Privy Council ('lcts oft P. C., New Ser., xxiii. 3*z). In a paper of the
year I $9 6, giving a survey of the English Pale, Cole appears as ' of Clonard '.
I have hot been able to find any later allusion to him. From the reference in
11. 4-5 to his ' chaste Chamber at Dullne', it looks as if the writer of
Grtt« New« did hot know of his release.
z. Clonarde] On the Boyne, Upper Moyfenrath, co. Meath.
26-8. Spirits ... f[oen .vnto] Cf. Hamlet, x. i. 45" It may be re-
marked that the notion seems to belong rather to popular than to learned
demonology.
5. I. 3çue-3çnger] the rive of trumps in the gaine called ' maw' ; cf. N.E.D.
and Middleton's FamiI of Lo, v. iii. I41.
2. a tait.., of an lffe] The tale seems to refer to the conduct of
Sir John Perrot as lord deputy of Ireland. He was notorious for his
arrogance and assumption of autocratic power. The words'that rauifhed a
Church of her lyuings ', in 11. 55-6, may allude to his proposal to turn
St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin into a court-house, and apply its revenues
to the erecfion of colleges. See D. N. B.
7. 2 I. .uott I fo your freend] I suppose that More's Dialogue of t,Se
Veneration and IFor«h of Image.¢ is meant. This is in the form of a report,
sent by More to a friend of his, of a conversation between More and a young
man who had corne to him with a letter of introduction from the friend.
Hence expressions such as' quod your friend ', ' said your friend ', &c., are of
frequent occurrence. The Utia and the 8u],[lication of 8oui« need no
rlTl,k o
Notes.
9" 7. l/éluet breeches . . . Cloth breechet] Itis perhaps unnecessary to
remark that these are the chief characters of Greene's Quip for an Upstart
Courtier, one of the most popular of his tracts.
xa. 15-16. ] Perhaps suggested by Cornelius Agrippa, De lYanltate
8cientiarum, cap. 8I, where the author remarks on the correspondence
between the « cruell and greedy beastes' depicted in coats of arms and the
way their bearers attained to their position.
x 5. I9-Zo. for tte holding .op of S. Peters chayre] Alluding probably to
the extremely rapid succession of Popes at this rime, there being four from
159o to
x8. 37, &c. King Henry tte thyrd] The story is told, with some slight
variations, of William II by William of Malmesbury and the chroniclers who
followed him (Holinshed, ed. *807-8, ii. 46; Stow, ed. 16IS, p. 128).
The servant did hot return and say that there were no more expensive hose
to be got. He brought the king a cheaper pair than the first, and told him
that they cost a mark, ' and then was he well satisfied, and said ; Yea marie,
these are more fit for a king to weare, and so drew them vpon his legs.'
o.x. 20. trufly Roger] Apparently a jesting name for a servant, perhaps
especially an unfaithful one, cf. Nashe's Hae cvith you to Sa.ffron-IValden,
sig. D
0. 4. 14. in the rov] Goldsmith's Row was on the south side of Cheapside.
For a number of notices of it, see Harrison's Descri2tlon of England, ed.
Furnivall, pt. ii. pp. 4*-6*.
0.5. I9. by] The use of 'by' is strange, but probably hot a misprint.
Such phrases as ' saying it by my man ', i.e. referring to, or meaning, my man,
are quite usual.
0.7. 22. ofhi vord] I cannot explain the precise force of this phrase.
Canit be a sort of abbreviated form of some such expression as ' surreverence
of his words', and mean, ' with ail respect to what he said' ?
8 I. 4-5. (Good... me)] The Elizabethans offert used parentheses as we
now use quotation marks ; cf. l. 16 below, also Club Lav, ed. Moore Smith,
l. 505, and Whitgift's Defenceoftte lner, *574, P-714 -to take two
examples at random.
44. * 9, &c. Knove then that I va« a ACyller, 'c.] The story of the
railler which follows is of considerable antiquity. The earliest form of it
known to me is to be found in the Roman du Meunier d'lrleux by the
troubadour poet Enguerrand d'Oisi (ed. by Francisque Michel, Paris, ,833 ).
Here the story is on the whole very much as it is given here, but the episode
of the breakfast does hot occur, and more is ruade of the quarrel between the
railler and his man as to whether the promised reward should be paid or hot.
The story is also to be found in the Facetlae of Poggio, under the title of
Quinque O.va. Here it is very briefly told, but the breakfast is an important
part of it, while nothing is said about the quarrel between the miller and his
man. The idea is used in a quite different setting in the ninth story of the
[9o]
Notes.
Cent nouvelle« Nouvelles, to Wright's note on which I owe my knowledge of
Enguerrard d'Oisi's version.
47. 4-5. Car« in the darke . . . all gray] Proverbial. Quoted in N. E. D.
from .l. Heywood's Prov. and Eligr. (1562), ' When ail candels be out, ail
cats be grey.'
26- 7. the lIiller.., roome] A story from the Chronicles, relating to
the western rebellion of 1549 : ' At the saine time, & neere the saine place
[Bodmin] dwelled a millet that had beene a great dooer in that rebellion, for
whom also sir Anthonie Kingston sought: but the railler being thereof
warned, called a good hall fellow that he had to his seruant, and said vnto
him : I haue businesse to go from home, if anie therefore corne to aske for
me, sale thou art the owner of the mill and the man for whome they shall so
aske, and that thou hast kept this raili for the space of three yeares, but in no
wise naine me. The seraant promised his maister so to doo. And shortlie
after came sir Anthonie Kingston to the raillers house, and cailing for the
railler, the seruant came forth, and answered that he was the millet. How
long, quoth sir Anthonie, hast thou kept this mill ? he answered three yeares.
Well then said he, corne on, thou must go with me, and caused his men to
laie hands on him, and to bring him to the next tree, saieng to him ; Thou
hast beene a busie knaue, and therefore here shait thou bang. Then cried the
fellow out, and said that he was hOt the railler, but the raillers man. Well
then, said sir Anthonie, thou art a faise knaue to be in two tales, therefore
said he, hang him vp: and so incontinentlie hanged he was in deed. Afier he
was dead, one that was present, told sir Anthonie ; 8uerlie sir this was but the
raiilers man. What then said he, could he euer haue doone his maister better
seruice than to bang for him.' (Holinshed, Ctron., ed. 18o7-8, iii. 9z5-6. )
48. 16. kÆndlÆ] ? well; cf. / Gountercu to fflartÆn Iunior, sig. A 3,
'play thou the knaue kindly as thou hast begun.'
58. Io-1 I. eat and drinke the/inne« of the ignorant lOeolle] Perhaps ailuding
to the saying of sumners that they lire upon the sins ofthe people ; cf. Nashe's
tierce tenile«se (14ork«, ed. McKerrow, i. z16. 16-17 and note).
14. rafyng] I cannot explain this word. It might be 'resing', i.e.
assault, but the only instances of the word given in N.//. D. date from 1387,
and the verb rese' is hot recorded to occur after 1495o Canit raean
raaking a fising ' or rebellion ?
zo. deuille« Ghappell] The phrase perhaps cornes from the sayig
' where Christ hath his Church, the Devil will have his Chapel ' cf. Nashe,
Works, il. 40. 3-4 and note.
z4-7] Collier (Bibliographlcal Account, il. z55 ) notes that the 'old
song ' referred to was probably Elderton's ballad, 2r)e Pange« of Love and
Lover« Fitte«, printed by Richard Lant in I559, as a broadside, which con-
tains these lines :w
' If this be true, as trewe it tas,
Lady, Lady,
Why should hot I serve you, alas,
My deare Lady ? '
[91]
Notes.
It was reprinted by Collier in his Old Ballads (Percy Soclety, vol. i),
pp. z$-8. The refrain 'Lad)', ladie ... M), deare Lady' also occurs in
alternate verses of a song in the interlude of l'Ioreses, ed. Brandl in Qudlen,
pp. çI$-I g, and again, as Mr. Crawford has pointed out to me, in a poem in
C. Robinson's Handful of Pltasant Ddigtt, ed. Arber, pp. 2
ôI. x 3. lmgge«] i.e. ? goblins. The use of the verb 'crawling' suggests
that the author may have known the word in the sense of ' insect,' but the
earliest example of any such meaning in N. E. D. dates from I622.
7I. I I. Guy, or Guyon fomeo]at le.fiel The line is rather obscure, and
I ara hot sure who are meant by Guy and Guyon. The usual 'Guy' is of
course Guy of Warwick, but he does hot seem to have been specially famed
for courtesy. Can Guyon be Gawain ? Guy and Gawain are mentioned
together by Skelton twice (sec IVor«, ed. Dyce, i. 7o, x 9), and the colloca-
tion of names may have been customary.
79. 4. iOitreleffe ]ott *4mynta«] Presumably Thomas Watson, the author
of the Latin poem *4mynta«, is meant, and hot Abraham Fraunce, the trans-
lator of that lmem into English, though the fact that the author seems here to
be imitating Fraunce's English hexameters ma), tender the point a little
uncertain.
81. 6. Purloynde ti« Plumet] Possibly, but hot certainly, an allusion to the
well-known passage in Greent'.t Groat«,ortt of I/Fit about the 'vpstart Crow
beautified with out feathers ', which is taken to be an attack on Shakespeare.
7. old J]/Ialtae« Poet] I do hot know who is meant.
ç. «ugred Sonnet«] Evidence that the phrase was a current one, and that
Meres did hOt mean to attfibute any special excellence to Shakespeare's sonnets
by calling them ' sugred '.
83. 3. Numuam Serai i.e. Greene's Neoer too late, I 9 O.
3. Nigttingale] i.e. Pilomela, tte Lady Fitz,ater « Nigttingale,
4. Ctange] i.e. Tte Royal Exctmnge, 9o.
. AIetamorptofis] i.e. *41cida, Greene'« dl¢etamorto«i«, 1617 (? first ed.
x88).
6. Denmare King] i.e. *4rbato, t]e *4natomy of 'ortune, 94.
7" Cenfurt] i.e. Eutut« tis Censure fo Ptilantu«, I 87.
8. Difutation] i.e..4 Disutation etveen a He con.F-carotter and a 81e
¢on.F-catc]oer , I ç9 u.
8-9. Deatt... teare«] i.e..4 dhra/den'« Dream, on tte deatt of...
8if Ctri«tter Hatton, 91o
86. , &c.] From the Psalms appended to Richard Stanyhurst's translation
of the first four books of the .4entid (ed. Arber, p. 33). Correctly quoted
save that « Sonne ' in l. x should stand at the beginning of l.
in l. , is in Arber's text Thee '.
87. , &c.] From the Psalms as above, ed. Arber, pp. 3o-. l. ç, shal
be stil harbored ; l. 8, fastfor scarce ; l., 3, cleerefor de.are ; l. , participats.
[9]
INDEX.
be quords are gise i moder s2elling, excel w bere some reao for
ee#in tbe
addition, title, ag. L
altogether, a mess of, 4- aa-3.
Amyntas, 75. 9 ; 79- 4-
and if, aS. 9-
appointed with, proaided ith, 30. 34.
as, that, 5. 3.
aver, ?justify (oneself), . 5.
aseles maries, ! o. 3.
be, aux..ob. (for ' have'),' was followed,'
IO. 12.
beaten (gamester), etperieaced, 46.34-
blabber (lip), sqvollen, ZT. 34.
bob, bloc.v, 9. z 3.
bodies, bodice, bodites, 3o. ia ; 43. ZL
bothome, ottora, 8. 9.
bowed, ent, 3a. 3.
brave, fine drea, 6.
bugs (aee note)» 6. 3: ' words»'
5. 6.
bumbasting» adding» 43.
butte, spirit of the 6 . 4.
by» ?(aee note), aS. 9.
cack, oicl excrement, 35. 4-
cakebread, 35. :-2.
cast, trick, 3. 2.
cate,f0/, dainty, 46. L
cats, in the dark ail are grey, 47- 4-5.
cheapen, 23. 2, 7.
Cheapside, 9. 25; ao. 6.
cheat, booty, o. 33 ;
children, ' happy are those children
whose father goes to the devil,' 6
23- 4 .
chuff-headed,fat-headed, 54. 6.
clap hands (on a bargain),
Clonard, 3- 2.
Cloth-breeches, 9.7» &c.
clubs, cry, 59. 4.
codpisse point, 3u. 6.
Co1% sec Coolle.
Colinet, 75. 4-
Commens, 58.
commodity, adantage, 38. 7.
conge, alutation, t 3- 35.
constrained (courage), 3. 28.
cony-catchers, terms used by, 7-
18--I 9.
Coolle, Gregory,
cooson, -age, -ers, cozen
3; 60. o.
corrasiv% 57. 37.
cossoning, cozening, 7. 34-
Counter, a prison, 6. 7, 8.
crased, cracked (slightly), 25. 26.
eut, dog, 79- 8.
cut, new,fahion, 43. 9.
dainty (to be round), ai.fficult,
Danter, John, 67. 4 ; 69.
dazzle, intr., 3.18 : trans.,
decorum, to keep a, 38.
delay off, ost2one, 46. 37-
denay, deny, 4- 4; 8. 34 ; 34.
devil's chapel, 58. ao.
doubleting, ? material for doublets,
drawn (of time), ?approached, 33.6.
Dublin, 3. 5; 57. 6.
ears, together by the, 9.
embasing, degradation, 55- 7-
expulsive, sb., 2.3.
Fanchurch Street 20. a3.
fardle, bundle, 43- 2, 7.
fashion, qvorkmamhip, maing, 24. 7.
feather, birds of the saine, 2o. 9.
featly, skilfully, 46. 7.
fillet (of an army), ?.'wing, 55.25-6.
finative, final, 4u. 33.
93 ]
Index.
finger, « pick out at one's fingers' ends,'
to diseo.er (@ one's o:wn ingenuity),
45- 8-9.
fire-fork, $9 6.
firis]ed,fri_.ed, 43- 36.
five-finger, a tard in the gaine « maw '»
fling (of a horse), z,&» gallop, 53. 37.
floent, fluent, 7t.
foot, ' to take the measure of one's,'
45- a8.
freated,fretttd, So.
frunte, ? affront, atta«k» 3o. 26.
fulsom,fat, solltn, 54. 27-
fyrmentie, frume»ty, 34.
gadding, cuanderin8, 73. x 3-
garden, ste guards.
garishly, St. 3o.
gaule, gall, sort, 5 I.
gaze» in a, 54. t4 : ' taken the gaze on
us»' 38. 3 t.
glooming, gloomy, 38. t 9.
gobbet, piece, 6o. 8.
goblin-led, 39- 5.
Goldsmith's row, 24. 4 ; 25.3o.
Graties Street, Gracechurch St.,
at-a ; a3. 34-
Greene, R. : his books of Cony-catch-
ing, 7. 7-8 : his Fareeil to Fdly,
t t. 3 t : his Groatsvorth of IFit,
37 : his Ne'ver too Late, a. a 9 : his
Q.uip for an HJtart Courtier alluded
to, 9- 6--io : various works men-
tioned, 83.
grow, ' to grow into comparisons,' to.
25-6.
grisly, 3- 20.
grist, eorn to be ground, 44-
guards, ornamtntal «dgings, 43.2o.
Guy, 7t. II.
Guyon, 7 t. t !.
haggish, diabolical, 58. t 7.
heart, next one's, on an empty stomac,
36. 3; 5 ° a.
Henry III : his hose, rg. 37, &c.
Hildebrand, Pope, 55. 35.
Hodge-poke, 76. t 3-
Holy Lamb, qgnus Dei, 4 o. 34-
horn-plague, 51. t9, 29.
horse, great, charger, ! 8. aS.
hospitality, decay of» t t. t 7-2 t.
faith, aS. 8.
imbeiseled» diminlsbed» qt,anting, 55.
II.
imbroyders, embrolderie» 43- zo.
inconsiderate, unad'oiJed» ¢areless, t.
inconsideration, .oant of gare, 9. 3 !.
Inoees, large sums for Spain from the»
a 4. a8-9.
indifferency, impardality, 8. 9.
ingredience» ingredient» 36. 8-t9.
per se I, 7.5-
Ireland» 3.5 ; 57.5-
jealous, ,uspiciou,, ! 4. IO.
Jesuits» 7. a7-8; 53- 26;
kindly, ?dterly, 48. I6.
laps, ' light into the laps of,'fall into
the poer of, t 7. a 4.
Legenda llurea, 7. I9-2o.
lenify mitigate, 3. x.
let, b., omit,fail, 47. t 7.
let, ab., opo,ition, 42. .
load, lay on, beat "oiolently, 9. 3.
lug (by the ears), 9- t 4.
make-book, 79. t 3.
malipart, to. a5.
Malta's Poet, St. 7, 8.
marriage, bridegroom waits at table
at a, 34. a9-3-
massing priest, 57- tS-t 6.
maw, a tard gaine, 4. 37.
may-pole, 30. 6.
Meliboeus» 80. 6.
mess of cream, aome form of junket»
3 a. 18.
mete-yard, measure, 36. 9,
minced pies, 34.
More, Sir T. : various works of his
mentioned, 7. ail3.
mystlin, maslin, mixed grain, eO. re
and wbeat, 4. aS.
ne, nor, 73- 5, 6.
nemo ,ine briberi iit, O- 30.
nicety, coyness, 46. .
non-resident clergy, 6a. 3-
Index.
occasions, buinest, 44- 4.
of, off, 41. 29; 60. 17.
of, an, 17.37; aS. 31; 31.9, II; 3a.
18.
out, 'fdl out ten yea,' 4. 8.
Pancredge (Church), St. PancraJ, 3.9.
parcels (of cloth), pieeeJ,
parle, to enter, 13. 37.
pass with, ?put up,with, or ? accompany,
13.6.
pat,fit, apt» 47. 22.
Paul's, St., serving men's advertise-
ments on the West Door of, 20.
a5-6.
pelting, paltry, 4.34.
penner, pen-cae, 17. 26.
peradventure, without ail, 57. io.
Perrot, Sir J., probable allusion to, 5.
2, &C.
Phyllis, 79- 6, &c.
Pie-corner, 3- 9.
pin, ' pass hot of a pin,' tare hot, 82.15.
pinckeny, Jmall eye, 3 I. 27.
pitcb, Jb., ? fligbt, 20. 8.
pitch (a price), or, 23- 3"
plafform, plan, 56. 24.
platted, ?plaited, 43. 37.
platted, plotted, 57- 3.
polled (sheep), bornlet, 3 . I.
pommell, mb., 59.
pompious, pompouJ, 55- 22.
pontificalibu, in his, 55- 19.
pop (a question), 3I. 18.
porter's lodge (as a prison), 9.26.
post (for advertisements of books,
&c.), 4.7.
potato roots, 50.
poulde, sec polled.
pretence, intention plan, 46. I
proportion, by, 43- 37: 'in any pro-
portion of battle,' 55- 25.
puny, nomice, 46. 33.
quyllities, quibbles, 6:. 27.
rasing. ? (Jet note), 58. ¢.
red lattice (of an ale-house), 8. 3 i.
Rhemish Testament, 7.25.
Rigour, 5- 3-
ring-leader, 30. I5-I6.
Robin Goodfeilow, 6i. 9-
Roger, Trusty, 2g. 20.
roll, trett ofbair (faite), 43. 18, 36.
t-un on the score, 30. x x.
seam, grease (used for dressing qool)
32.34.
seminary, priea, 7. 28; 39. 36-7 ; 53.
26 ; 57. 5-
set, ruffs ofthe new, 43- x9.
shift oneself, change one'a eiotbe,
II.
Siik Stockiags, 2o. t 4, &c.
skarred, eared, 6. 3.
skipjack, 2o. 12.
skrike, briek, 42.34.
snarled, caugbt, 9. 18.
spice-cakes, 32. 21-2.
spirits, cannot speak until spoken to,
l. 26-8.
spoon meat, 35. 24.
squaddy, ? thic-Jet, 54- 3.
squisde, çz¢ttgtgl, eruj¢Sed, 87. I4.
Stanyhurst, R., 86 ; 87.
stickler, umpire, 9. 8.
stomach, ' my stomach swelled against
him,' I greq angry, o. I5-16.
stond (of aie), aand, eaJk, 3o. 22.
uintelllgitur, 29. 22.
sugared sonnets, 8 I. 15-
smnmer lord, leader of 2ay-games, 3 o.
I.
swasher, bully, 6o. 9.
taflàta, double turffed, ? tufiaffaty, a
fa.brie ¢oith a "oel'oety pile arranged
in tuft or pot, 22.32.
take up (a quarrei), eompoJe, 59- 37.
Tariton, Dick, 58. 22.
teen, orroqo, 84. 15.
temper, out of, (ofa mill,) 45.
terrestial, terreJtrinl, 7. 15 ; 51. 4"
toot, peer, 38. 22.
Tormo#e Street, ? urnbuil treet, 8.
3 I--.
truss, bundle, 43-
truth, « speak a truth»' 19. 5.
turffed, cee taoEta.
Tyburn, 56. a.
underlaying, ? lining, 4;. 22.
up, 'he up with his fist,' 58. 37.
velvet, three piled, 22.29.
Velvet Breeches, 9. 7, &c.
95 ]
ventosity, 35. s 5.
verdingale, farthingale» 43. t.
walk (of fists), .rb., 59. 3.
waster, cudgel, 37.9-
way, 'take the way of,' to. 31.
wedding, Jee marriage.
weehee, 34.5.
weights, gold, 25. 24.
Index.
Westminster Hall, 17. t4 ; 54.9; 6t.
25.
wink, « trust hot an old queen if she
once begins to wink,' 45- 33.
wittol, St. 3a.
yerwhiles, erehlk, a little hile ago,
9.37.
Oxford : Horace Hart, Printer to the University
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