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Full text of "The gull's hornbook : Stultorum plena sunt omnia. Al savio mezza parola basta"

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Darlington M^moricl Lihrar : 

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THE 



(gull's! Hotnfioofe: 



Stultorum plena sunt omnia. 


dl 


savio 


mezza parola 

BY 


basta. 




T. 


DECKER. 












m 







M^,.„ /V.|..c„>s<„. J.u/^ 



Imprinted at London for R. S. 1609. 



firtfitol; 



REPRINTED FOR 

31. Sp. ^utc^; 

AND SOLD IN LONDON BY 

K, ismsm, and H. Crtpljoolu 
1812. 



/^/s 






THE 

(bull's =^ornboofe, 

REPRINTED; 

•WITH 

NOTES OF ILLUSTRATION 

BY 

J. N. 

(Price £l. 16yJ 



Digitized by the Internet Archive 

in 2009 with funding from 

University of Pittsburgh Library System 



http://www.archive.org/details/gullshornbookstuOOdekk 



€Utov'e 3^reface. 



A HE singular little tract, a reprint of which 
I here oflfer to the publick, is of so great rarity, 
that not above twenty copies of it are thought 
to exist throughout the kingdom, perhaps not so 
many ; yet it is well worthy of general notice ; for 
it familiarizes us more with the habits and cus- 
toms of ordinary life, at the time it was written, 
than any other work of the kind I am acquainted 
with. Respecting its author scanty is the infor- 
mation afforded us. 

Thomas 



11 



Thomas Decker, Deckar, Dekker, or Dekkar, 
as the name is differently spelt in his different pub- 
lications, flourished in the reign of K. James 1st. 
The exact periods of his birth, and decease are 
not ascertained ; but he could not have died 
young, as his earliest play bears date 1600, and 
his latest 1637. Mr. Oldys thinks, that he cer- 
tainly was living in 1638, and that he was in 
the KingVbench prison from l6l3 to l6l6, or 
longer. A late writer, who gives some notices 
respecting him, observes that he was probably 
more advanced in years than Mr. Oldys imagined ; 
from a passage in the dedication to his Match me 
in London, 1631, where he says : " I have been a 
" priest in Apollo's temple many years, my voice 
" is decaying with my age."' It is supposed he 
had acquired reputation even in the time of Q. 
Elizabeth, whose decease and funeral he comme- 
morates in his Wonderful Year, 1603. He was 
cotemporary with Ben Jonsou, and his quarrel 

with 



iii 



with that celebrated playwright is perhaps the 
most prominent feature of his life : Jonson lashes 
him, as Crispinus, in his Poetaster ; and Decker 
amply repays him, in his Satiromastix, under the 
title of young Horace. He was but a very mode- 
rate poet, yet poets esteemed him : Richard Brome 
was accustomed to call him father : William Wyn- 
stanley says he was " a high-flier in wit ; a great 
" painstaker in the dramatick strain, and as highly 
" conceited of those pains he took/' 

Decker's theatrical productions, arranged ac- 
cording to their respective dates, are the follow- 
ing ; of which such as are marked with an asterisk 
were never published, and, I believe, are not 
at present in existence : * Phaetoti, P. acted 1597. 
— * Orestes Furies, P. acted 1598.—* TripUcity 
of Cuckolds, P. acted 1598.-—* Bear a Brain, P. 
1599.—* Gentle Craft, P. acted 1599-—* Truth's 
Supplication to Candlelight, P. acted 1599- — Old 

Fortunatus, 



1« 

Fortunatim, C. 4to. I6OO. — Satiromastix, or The Un- 
trussing of the humorous Poet, 4to. 1602 ; reprinted 
1610. — * Christmas comes but once a Year, acted 
1602. — * Medicine for a curst Wife, P. acted 1602. 
— Honest Whore, with the Humours of the patient 
Man, and the longing Wife, C. 4to. originally 
printed, and acted, l602, under the title of the 
Converted Courtezan, 1604; reprinted l6l5, I616, 
and 1635. Thomas Middleton is said to have 
assisted in this piece. — Westward Hoe, C. 4to: 
1607. — Northward Hoe, C. 4to. I607. — Wyat's His- 
tory, 4to. 1607. In these three last Decker had 
the assistance of John Webster. — Whore of Babylon, 
Hist. 4to. 1607.— Ro«rmg Girl, C. 4to. I6II. 
A¥ritten in conjunction with Thomas Middleton. — 
If it be not good, the Devil is in it, P. 4to. I6l2. 
— * Guy of Warwick, P. entered in the books of 
the Stationers' company, Jan. 15, l6l9- It was 
written in conjunction Avith John Day. — Virgin 
Martyr, T. 4to. 1622. Decker did but assist 

Philip 



Philip Massinger in writing this pla,y. — Second 
Tart of the Honest Whore, with the Humours of 
the patient Man, the impatient H ife, t^'-c. C. 4to. 
1630. — Match me in London, T. C. 4to. 1631. — 
* Spanish Soldier, T. entered in the books of 
the Stationers' company, May 16, 1631. One 
copy of this play has the initials S. R. Avhich some 
imagine designate Samuel Rowley. — Wonder of a 
Kingdom, C. 4to. 1636. — * Jew of Venice, entered 
in the books of the Stationers' compan}^ Sept. 9? 
1653. — Suns Darling, Masque. 4to. 1656. Decker 
joined with John Ford in writing this piece. — Witch 
of Edmonton, 1. C. 4to. 1658. "Written likewise 
in conjunction with John Ford, and William 
Rowley also ; but it was not published, nor was 
the preceding masque, till after the death of 
the authors. — * Gustamis King of Swithland, enter- 
ed in the books of the Stationer's company, June 
29, 1660.—* Tale of Jocondo and Astolfo, entered, 
as the preceding, June 29, 1660. These two 

last, 



VI, 



last, it is said, were once in the possession of 
Mr. Warburton, and destroyed in the fatal fire 
by his servant. 

The four following plays have been attributed 
to Decker and Webster jointly, but without foun- 
dation : Weakest goes to the Wall, T, C. 4to. 1600. 
Anonymous. — Woman will have her Will, entered 
on the Stationers' books by W. White, Aug. 3, 
1601.— New Trick to cheat the Devil, C. 4to. 1639. 
Robert Davenport, — Noble Stranger, C. 4to. 1649. 
Lewis Sharpe. 

Of Decker's tracts \ve have : The Wonderful 
Year, wherein is shewed the Picture of London 
being sick of the Plague ; 4to. l603. This is re^ 
printed in the Phcenix Britannicus, Vol. 1; a col- 
lection of tracts made by J. Morgan, gent, and 
published in 4to. 1732. ISo second volume, I 
believe, ever came out. — Batchelor's Banquet; 

wherein 



Vll 



wherein is prepared sundrij daintij Dishes, ^c. plea- 
santly discoursing the variable Humours of Women, 
^c. 4to. 160'3. It seems to have been reprinted, 
with a frontispiece, 16"77. Both original, and reprint 
are very rare. — Magnificent Entertainment given to 
K. James, Q. Anne his Wife, and Henry Frederick 
P. of Wales ; with the speeches, and songs in the 
pageants ; 4 to. l604. — Seven deadly Sins of Loji- 
don ; 4to. l606i — News from Hell, brought by the 
Devil's Carrier; 4to. I6O6. — A Knight's Conjur- 
ing done in Earnest, discovered in Jest ; 4to. I607. 
— Jests to make you merrier, with some other Things 
of like Nature, SfC. 4to. 1607. — Dead Term, or 
Westminster's Complaint for long Vacations, and 
short Terms ; by Way of Dialogue between London 
and Wes^tminster ; 4to. 16'08. — Work for Armourers, 
or the Peace is broken. Open Wars likely to hap- 
pen this Year ; 16O9. — Ravens Almanack ; 4to. 
iGog.—Gidl's Hornbook ; 4to. I609.— per se O, 
or a new Crier of Lantern and Candlelights ; 4to. 
•^«t 1612. 



Vlll 



1612. — Lantliorn and Candlelight^ or the Belman*s 
second Night's Walk, and a new canting Song ; with 
portiTat ; 4to. I6l2. — London triumphing ; or the 
solemn and magnificent 'Reception of Sir John 
Swinerton into London, after his taking the Oath 
of Mayoralty at Westminster; a pageant; 4to. 
1612. — A strange Horserace, with the Catchpoll's 
Masque, and the Bankrupt's Banquet ; this is very 
scarce indeed ; 4to. 1613. — Villanies discovered by 
Lantern and Candlelight, and the Help of a new 
Crier called O per se O. Being an Addition to the 
Belmans second Night Walk, with canting So7igs 
never before printed; portrait of belman, lantern, 
and dog ; 4to. 16 16. Dodsley mentions an edition 
of this, 1620 ; and says there was also an edition 
of the Belman of London so early as I6O8 : nei- 
ther of these I have met with : perhaps, respecting 
the latter, he may allude to one of the publi- 
cations of 1612, — Artillery Garden, a Poem ; 4to. 
16 IG. — Decker his Dream; 1620. — Grievous Groans 

for 



IX 



for the Poor. Done hj a Wellwhher, who wishelh 
that the Poor of England might he so provided for, 
as none should need to go a begging within this 
Realm ; 1622. — Rod for Runaways, zmtli the Run- 
away's Answer; 4to. 1625. — Thomas of Reading, 
or the six zi)orthy Yeomen of the J lest, now six 
Tijnes corrected, and enlarged; 12mo. l6.'32. — Bel- 
mans Night-JFalker, whereunto is added per se 
0, and cantijig Dictionary; 4to. l6"37. — English 
Villanies seven several Times prest to Death by the 
Printers, but still reviving again ore nozi) the 
eighth Time (as at the first) discovered by Lanthorn 
and Candlelight, and the Help of a new Crier 
called per se 0, <^'C. 4to. 1638. — It was re- 
printed l648, and seveji in the titlepage altered 
to eight. This of course would seem to form a 
nifith edition of the work. — Belman of London, 
bringing to Light the most notorious Villanies that 
are now practised in the Kingdom ; scarce as it 
is, it went through five impressions, the last 1640. 

c Besides 



Besides these, there are, I know, some other 
works of a like kind attributed to Decker, but per- 
haps improperly. The tract however, of which I 
here give a reprint, may be considered that which 
best depicts the prevailing follies of his day. The 
transcript made for such reprint Avas most accu- 
rate ; and it varies from the original in nothing 
•but the orthography, which I have thought it right 
ito modernise, after the example of such judicious 
editors as have revived some of our early English 
poets. The ancient orthography can claim no 
anerit from uniformity, or consistency; it is ar- 
bitrary> and indefinite: modern orthography is 
systematical ; it pleases every one, because it is 
familiar to every one, and does not prejudice or 
iperplex by seeming obscurity. 

In one or two instances, I have ventured to 
interpolate a word, where it seemed very evident, 
.that something similar to the word inserted was 

intended, 



tl 



intended, as absolutely requisite to complete the 
sense : but, lest I may have been mistaken, or 
lest the learned critick should chance to differ 
with me in opinion, I always notice such intcr^ 
polation. Sometimes too, on the same ground of 
perfecting sense, I have been induced to give one 
word instead of another ; but I constantly warn 
my reader of the liberty taken, exhibiting the 
original text, that he might ultimately exercise 
his own judgment thereon. 

Of the notes, that occasionally occur, many 
are what necessarily arose out of the subject, 
while transcribing for the press ; some are the 
communications of literary friends ; and others 
the result of such researches as I could make into 
antique books having a reference to the customs, 
fashions, and peculiarities of the era in question ; 
but these books are few, and the copies of them 
for the most part extremely rare. From old plays 

chiefly 



xu 



chiefly are to be collected the manners of private 
life, in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. 
Passages, that had a coincidence with any similar 
in my favourite Shakspeare, readily struck me ; 
and the labours of his erudite annotators afforded 
me further assistance. Whatever mj'^ comments 
may be, I trust they will sometimes amuse, but 
more often inform the inquisitive reader; and I 
have only to add a wish, that, for such reader^s 
sake, I could have interpreted our author better. 



ERRATA. 

Page 76, Line 14. For Stubb's read Stubbs' 
— 133, — 10. — criticks — criticif 



iVo apology, it is presumed, tvill be required 
for the littJe fanciful designs, meant to embellish the 
initial letters of the several chapters : they ivere imagined 
by the editor; and drawn, and cut by those ingeyiious 
artists, Mr. Edward Bird, and BIr. Ebenezer Byfeld. 
They are peculiar to this reprint. 

The device in the titlepage is a facsimile of 
ivhat is foiind in the original. 



THE 



GULL'S HORNBOOK. 



(Page I) 



Co all (3WL%^ m general 
©gaealtl) f §lit)eitj?* 



HOM can I chuse^ my most worthy 
'Mascen-asses, to be patrons to this 
labour of mine fitter than your- 
selves ? Your hands are ever open, 
your purses never shut ; so that 
you stand not in the common 
rank of dry-fisted patrons, who 
give nothing ; for you give all. 
Scholars, therefore, are much beholden to you, as vintners, 
players, and punks are : those three trades gain by you 
more than usurers do by thirty in the hundred : you spend 
the wines of the one, you make suppers for the other, 
and change your gold into white money with the thud. 




1 Maecen-asses.] The equivoque here intended by the implication 
©f Maecenases (Msecenates) must be sufficiently obvious. 

Who 



2 

Who is more liberal than jou ? Who^ but only citizens, 
are more free ? Blame me not, therefore^ if I pick you 
out from the bunch of book-takers_, to consecrate these 
fruits of my brain, which shall never die, only to you. 
I know that most of you, O admirable Gulls ! can neither 
write nor read. A Hornbook have I invented, because 
I would have you well schooled. ^Paul's is your walk, 
but this your guide : if it lead you right, thank me ; if 
astray, men will bear with your errors, because you are 
(A 3) Gulls. Farewell. 

^ Paul's is ijour walk.'\ The body of St. Paul's church (or PozcleSy 
as it Avas then commonly read) was, in Decker's day, the publick, and 
even fashionable wajk, but mpre particularly the resort of loungers, 
pheatSj and knights of the post ; for it was a privileged place con-j 
Tenient to the debtor. Nashe, Lodge, Greene, and other writers of 
that era, make frequent mention of it. Osborne, in his Memoirs of 
K. James I. says, that, till about the interregnum, men of all professions 
walked in the middle isle from eleven till noon, and after dinner 
from three to six : and he adds ; that in regard of the universal 
commerce, there happened little, that did not first or last arrive there. 
In short, it was the seat of traffick and ncgociation in general, even 
the moneychangers had their stations in it. See a note at the latter 
part of Chapter 5. Bishop Earle has a section entitled Paul's Walk, 
in his Microcosmographi/, of which there is a very valuable edition 
recently put forth, with notes, by Philip Bliss, Esq. of Oxford. 



(II blank) 
(III) 



Co tlje l^tmv. 




ENTLE reader, I could willingly 
be content that thou shouldst 
neither be at cost to buy this 
bookj nor at the labour to read it. 
It is not my ambition to be a man ia 
print thus, 'every term : Ad prelum 
tanquam ad jjicelimn ; we should 
come to the press as we come to 
the field, seldom. This tree of Gulls was planted long 

1 every term.] The fashionable seasons in London were formerly 
regulated by the law-terms, fashionable persons thronging to the 
metropolis at those periods ; as is now done in the winter, or early 
in the spring. Authors, and booksellers made it a point to produce 
lomething new every term. Nashe had always a work ready for these 
seasons, so had Churchyard. Constant allusion to the printing for 
each term may be found in the prefaces to the ephemeral publications 
of Q. Elizabeth's day, and in most pamphlets. By the way, it is to 



Since 



since ; but not taking root^ could never bear till now. It 
hath a relish of 'Grobianism,, and tastes very strongly 

be remarked (hat the M'ord pamphlet, which now always means a prose 
publication, was formerly used to designate one in Terse. Hallj me\x- 
tioning a reader of his satires, so uses the word pamphlet : 
" Yet when he hath my crabbed pamphlet read." 

ViRGiDEMiARUM, Sat. 1. Book 4. 
And thus Marston : 

" These notes were better sung 'mong better sort j 
" But to my pamphlet few, save fools, resort." 

Scourge of Villany, Sat. 4, Book 1, 

® Grobianism.] Decker here alludes to the poem entitled GroManus, 
by a German author, P^ederick Dedckind, a native of Neustat, 
which is written in Latin elegiack verse, and in its nature somewhat 
resembles Erasmus's Panegyrkk on Folli/ ; but its leading object is to 
exhibit rules for good manners, though it apparently inculcates inci- 
vility. Dean Swift had possibly read it, and composed in consequence 
his admirable Directions to Servants. Indeed the English version 
of Grobiamis, which I shall hereafter notice, is dedicated to him. 
Dedekind's book is an amplification of the old Latin verses formerly 
used in schools by Sulpicius Verulanus, and the equally celebrated 5'fan* 
J^uer in Mensatn : it is not improbable but it might have been once 
considered a mirthful manual for boys, to teach them proper behaviour. 
Rare as it is now become, it had gone through several editions ; whence 
we may infer that it was a favourite with the publick. As far as 
jaj information serves me, I will endeavour to enumerate its editions : 
The first certainly came out 1549, but I only know it from quotation; 
•where printed, and its exact title, I cannot learn; I should imagine it 
to be the same with that given in the Deliciie Poetariim Ger?nanorum, 
(pf which presently) when the poem consisted but of two books. — 

of 



of it in the beginning: the reason thereof is, tliat. 

It was next printed 1552, having a third book added ; and a preface 
prefixt, addressed to Simon Bingius, dated Vviteberga;, the same 
year. — Another edition was produced 1558, in 8vo. M-ith this title: 
Grobianus, sive dc incultis Moribus et inurbunis Gestibas. — It was 
again published at Francfort, 158-1, in 8vo. with a seemingly varied 
title : Grobianus et Grobiana, de Morum Simplicilate, Libri tres, in 
Gratiam omnium Rusticitutis Amantium conscripti, per M. Fridericum 
Dedeldndum. Jam denuo ab Authore diligenler emcndati, plerisque 
in Locis cum Prceceptis, tum ExempUs audi. Franc, apiid Iloered. 
Chr. Egen. mdlxxxiiii. Grobiana, in this title, refers to rules given 
for the conduct of the female sex, as Grobianus does to those for 
the male. The Oxford Bodleian Library, and the British Museum 
have copies of this edition. — An impression was afterwards put forth 
Ltigd. Batav. ex Officina Joannis Maire, 1631, in I2mo. with the 
following title : Friderici Dedekindi Ludus safj/ricus, de Morum 
Simplicitaie, seu Rusiicilate, vulgo dictus Grobianus : Libri (res. 
This book was lent me by Mr. Douce, to whose ready and polite 
communications respecting the present work I esteem myself greatly 
indebted. The prefatory poem to Simon Bingius, with the date 1552, 
occurs ; and the last chapter of the third book bears the title of 
Grobiana. De Moribus qute Virgines deceant, tum Domi, tum in 
Publico, et in Conviviis, et alibi. — An edition, which I have had no op- 
portunity to examine, again issued from the Leyden press, 1642. — It 
was, I believe, lastly reprinted at London, 1661, in 12mo. and most 
probably from the Francfort edition of 1584, as it has the title of 
Grobianus et Grobiana. Of this edition there is a copy in the British 
Museum. — Dedekind's poem, comprised in two books only, is also found 
in that well known collection by Gruter, Delicice Poetarum Germano- 
rum, 1612, at Page 1082 of Part 2, with this title : Friderici Dedekindi 
Neostadiani de untiqud Morum Simplicitate. It was evidently received 

having 



6 

"^having translated many books of that into English verse, 

therein from the earliest exemplar, before a third book was added. The 
language often appears to differ much from that of the later editions, 
and is of inferior merit. 

An English yersion of this German poet's work is extant; and, 
though published so late as 1739, is exceedingly scarce ; it bears the title 
of Grobianus, or the compleat Booby ; an ironical Poem^ in three Bookst, 
Done into English, from the original Latin of Friderick Dedekindus, 
bjj Roger Bull, Esq. In this version, the last chapter inscribed Gro- 
biana, giving instructions for female manners, is omitted. It is hand- 
somely printed in 8vo. and the poetry is not deficient as to harmony ; 
some specimens will appear, where Dedekind's original work is quoted, 

The word grobianism m^Was filthiness, smuttiness. K grobian^ 
according to Phillips, (World of Words) and Bailey, is a " slovenly 
" ilUbred fellow." Skinher derives it from the Teutonick, grab, inter- 
preting incivilis, agrestis, incultus, S(c. In low Latin, groba has 
the same signification with fovea, cloaca ; and Du Cange derives it 
from the German grube, " a ditch." The French adopt the word ; 
and Cotgrave explains grobianisme by " grobianism, slovenliness, 
" unmannerly parts or precepts." 

In the Bodleian library at Oxford, is an unpublished, and hitherto 
unnoted M. S. dramatick production, no date, but penned, as the 
ingenious librarian, Mr. Bliss, conjectures, much about Decker's 
day : it is entitled Grobiana's Nuptials ; and is such a tissue of 
obscenity and beastliness, that it is impossible to select a single scene 
or passage fit for the publick eye. Old Grobian, or Grobianus, calls 
his associates to a feast, at which he proposes to bestow his daughter 
Grobiana on the candidate most worthy of her, and at last fixes on 
Tantoblin, one of the members of the society, apparently a very 
fit partner for the fair. The intermediate scenes are made up with » 
description of the rules of the Grobians, the person of Grobiana, 

and 



and not greatly liking the subject, I altered the shape, and 
*of a Dutchman fashioned a mere Englishman. It is a table 

and a quarrel between the rival lovers; the whole of which is alike 
ridiculous, and disgusting. 

Might there not have existed in Decker's time a society, perhaps 
of low profligates, who called themselves Grobians ; and might not 
this very drama have been written, much about that time, to satirize 
them ? 

The grobian, or all-paunch familjj, are thus mentioned by John 
Bulwer, in the ^Ippendix, exhibiting the Pedigree of the English 
Gallant, to his Anthropomelamorphosis, Man transformed, or the 
artificial Changeling, 1653, 4to. Page 536 ; a most rare, and singular 
book : " The bombasting of long peascod-bellied doublets so cum- 
*' bersome to arm, and which made men seem so far from what they 
•' were, was sure invented in emulation of the grobian, or all-paunch 
" family." 

s having translated many boohs — into English verse — / altered the 
shape, &c.] It would appear that our author had begun to translate 
Dedekind's work, according to the original, in verse ; but that either 
growing tired of the fetters of rhyme, or fancying that he could better 
adapt the satire to his own times in plain prose, he changed his plan^ 
and gave the book its present form. 

i of a Dutchman fashioned a mere Englishman.] Dutchman was 
a generick name, in Decker's day, for any one belonging to the 
German continent. The old writers perpetually called the German 
the Dutch language; in which they cannot be accused of inaccuracy, 
when we consider that they do but literally render the word Teutsch. 
They are however too often erroneous, in ascribing countries to 
persons not belonging to them. 

c wherein 



wherein are drawn sundry pictures : the colours are fresh ; 
if they be well laid on, I think my workmanship well 
bestowed ; if ill, so much the better, because I draw the 
pictures only of Gulls^ 

T. D. 



(iiii) Cfie €iMttm cotttatnetr m tfjis aSoofe* 



HAP. 1. The old World, and 
the new weighed together. The 
Tailors of those Times, and these 
compared. The Apparel, and 
Diet of our first Fathers. 



Chap. 2. Hoiv a yoxing Gallant shall not only keep 
his Clothes, which many of them can hardly do, 
from Brokers ; but also save the Charges of taking 
Physick ; with other Rules for the Morning. The 
Praise of Sleep, and of Going naked. 




Chap .9. Ilotv a Gallant should warm himself by the 
Fire ; how attire himself. Description of a Ma7i's 
Head. The Praise of long Hair. 

c 2 Chap. 4. 



10 



Chap. 4. Hoio a Gallant should behave himself in Paul's 
Walks. 



Chap. 5. How a Gallant should behave himself in an 
Ordinary. 

Chap. 6. Hoiv a Gallant should behave himself in a 
Playhouse. 



Chap. 7. How a Gallant shoidd behave himself in a 
Taveni. 



Chap. 8. Hoiv a Gallant is io behave himself passing 
through the City, at all Hours of the JSight; and 
hoiv to pass by any Watch. 



(i) 



THE 



GULL'S HORNBOOK, 



OR 



FASHIONS TO PLEASE ALL SORTS OF GULLS. 



3^vooemium. 



SING, like the cuckoo in June, 
to be laughed at. If therefore 
I make a scurvy noise, and that 
ni} tunes sound unmusically; the 
ditty being altogether lame in 
respect of the bad feet, and un- 
handsome in regard of the worm- 
eaten fashion ; you that have 
authority under the broad seal of mouldy custom to be 





J 


1 



' / sing, like the cuckoo in June-I From this exordium, it would 

called 



12 



called the " gentle audience/' set your goodly great hands 
to my pardon : or else^ because I scorn to be upbraided 
that I profess to instruct others in an art, whereof I myself 
am ignorant, do your worst ; chuse whether you will let 
my notes have you by the ears, or no ; hiss, or give 
plaudites ; I care not a nutshell which of either : you 
can neither shake our comick theatre with your stinking 
breath of hisses, nor raise it with the thunderclaps of 
your hands : up it goes, in dispetto del fato. "The motley 

seem that Decker's tract came out in the month of June, perhaps at 
the beginning of Trinity term. 

" Hoarse as a cuckoo in June" occurs in Queenhoo Hall, Vol. 1, 
Page 80 ; that whimsical modern medley of antiquated ingredients, 
compounded by the late ingenious Joseph Strutt. He might have had 
Decker in view, when he penned the phrase. The cuckoo, just 
previous to its departure hence, which is correctly the first week in 
July, is said to acquire a more harsh and discordant note. This bird 
renews its visit to us, as correctly, in the middle of April. 

Again, in the Sun's Darling, A. 4, S. 1, a masque in which 
Decker joined with John Ford, we have: "I was born a cuckoo ia 
" the spring, and lost my voice in summer, with laying my eggs in a 
" sparrow's nest." 

^ the motley is bought, and a coat with four elbows.] The motley 
was the usual fool's coat of many colours ; or perhaps rather big 
surtout, or cloak, from the following passage in Shakspcare: 
" Or to see a fellow 
<' In a long motley coat, guarded with yellow, 
" Will be deceived." 

Prologue io Henry 8 

is 



13 

is bought ; and a coat witli four elbows^ for any one tliat 
will wear it, is put to making, ^in defiance of the seven 
wise masters. For I have smelt out of the musty sheets 
of an old almanack, that, at one time or other, even he 
that ^jets upon the neatest and sprucest leather ; even he 
that talks all adage and apothegm ; even he that will 
not have a wrinkle in his new satin suit, though his mind 
be uglier than his face, and his face so illfavouredly made, 
that he looks at all times as if atoothdrawer were fumbling 
(B) (s; about his gums ; with al thousand lame heteroclites more, 
that cozen the world with a gilt spur and ^a ruffled boot ; 

The coat with four elbows I take to be the close doublet we see 
our fools wear on the stage at present, in old plays, with an extra 
pair of sleeves hanging loose behind, consequently having four elbows. 

* in defiance of the seven wise masters.] Those celebrated Grecian 
sages, here alluded to, must be familiar to most readers ; they were 
Solon, Chilo, Pittacus, Bias, Periander, Cleobulus, and Thales. 

* jets upon the neatest and sprucest leather.'\ Steps upon, treads 
haughtily. Thus Shakspeare : "Contemplation makes a rare turkey- 
'' cock of him ; how he Jets under his advanced plumes !" Twelfth 
Night, A, 2, S. 5. 

* a ruffled boot.'] A boot with a large turn-down top, hanging 
low and loose about the leg, as was then the fashion. Thus Ben 
Jonson, Every man out of his Humour, A. 4, S. 6 : " One of the 
" rowels (of my silver spurs) catched hold of the ruffle of my boot, 
" which, being Spanish leather, and subject to tear, overthrows me." 

will 



14 



will be all glad to fit themselves in ^Will Sommer his 
■wardrobe^ and be driven, like a Flemish hoy in foul 
weather, to slip into our school, and take out a lesson. 
Tush ! ''Ccelum petimus sullitid. All that are chosen 
constables for their wit go not to heaven, 

^ to Jit themselves in Will Sommer bis wardrobe.] That is, in the 
motley^ or fooVs dress, the habit of Will Sommer, or Sommers, who 
was proverbially a buffoon, having been, some seventy years before 
the date of this tract, jester to K. Henry 8. Holbein painted him 
in a long tunic, of which portrait there is a very rare print by Francis 
Delarara : and he has likewise introduced him in that fine picture 
of Henry, and some of his family, which now decorates the meeting, 
room of the Society of Antiquaries ; a monkey is there clinging to 
his neck, performing a most ridiculous but gratifying operation oh 
William's head. 

"^ Ccelum petimus sultitia. Sfcl A quotation from Horace, Ode 3, 
Lib. 1. I fancy our author meant, by adducing it, to say: "We 
" all, in our folly, would reach a height we cannot attain ; and 
" fancy ourselves wiser than we are. Yet however wise you may be, 
" good folks, there are none of you but will be glad to take a leaf 
" out of our book, and gather instruction thence. It is not every 
" one that has a good wit, who can reach the summit of knowledge." 
I know not how far Decker might, in this figurative mention of 
constables, have had an eye to Shakspeare's Much ado about Nothing, 
A. 3, S. 3, where Dogberry asks the watch : who he thinks " the 
" most desartless man to be constable," That play must have been 
some eight years in vogue, when the present tract was written. 



15 



A fig therefore for *the new-found college of critics. 
You courtierSj that do nothing but sing the "gamut, ARE 
of '"coniplimental courtesy ; and, at the rustical behaviour 
of our country muse, will screw forth "worse faces than 

^ the new-found college of criticks.] See a note to Chapter 5. 

® gamut, ARE, &c.] The verb are is here so distinguished, as 
to convey to the eye a continuation of the joke intended in the word 
gamut, by recalling the idea of «-re, or a-la-mi-re^ the lowest note 
but one in each of. the three septenaries of Guido's musical scale. 
Shakspeare, in like manner, thus fancifully plays upon the gamut. 
Gamut I am, the ground of all accord, 
Are, to plead Ilortensio's passion ; 
B.mi, Bianca, take him for thy lord, 

C-faut, that loves with all affection : 
D-sol-re, one cliff, two notes have I ; 
E-la-mi, show pity, or I die. 

Taming of the Shrew, A, 3, S. 1. 

'" complimental courtesy.'] It was absolutely necessary for the 
finished gallant of Decker's day, to be well versed in all the phrase- 
ology, and routine of compliment, which ought to be learnt, as it 
were, by rule, or scale. Thus Marston, describing such a gallant, 
says : 

" Mark nothing but his clothes, 

" His new-stampt compliment, his canon oaths ; 
" Mark those," 

Scourge fok Villany, Sat. 7, Book 2. 

" worse faces than those zchech.God and the painler, &c.] The 
painters of those days appear to have been but scurvy composers of 

D those 



16 

those which God and the painter has bestowed upon you ; 
I defy your perfumed scorn ; and \ovv to poison your 
'^muskcats, if their civet excrement do but once play with 
my nose. You ordinary Gulls, that, through a poor and 
silly ambition to be thought you inherit the revenues of 
extraordinary wit, will spend your shallow censure upon 
the most elaborate poem so lavishly, that all the "painted 
tablemen about you take you to be heirs apparent to rich 

men. Kent, in Shakspeare's Lear, A. 2, S. 2, speaking of the 
steward, says, that " a stonecutter, or a painter^ could not have 
" made him so ill." 

'^ muskcats.] This appellation for a perfumed coxcomb was not 
uncoramon. Ben Jonson has it : 

" Away, muskcat !" 

Cynthia's Revels, A. 4, S. 3- 

" painted tablemen.] The usual dictionary interpretation of 
tablemen is the men of chess, or draught-boards. And Phillips, in 
his World of JVords, explains tables, or a pair of tables, by frames 
that open and shut, being painted or inlaid of different colours, for 
the playing of chess, Sfc. The meaning of the passage in which these 
•words occur, however Decker may express himself, I take to bo this: 
<' You blockheads, who, by your silly criticisms before illiterate 
" auditors senseless as painted chess-men, would wish to appear as 
«' rich in wit and learning as Midas was in gold, may burn my book, 
'•' for aught I care, to dry your tobacco." 

A learned friend fancies, that by painted tablemen we are to 
untltifstand gnijlij-apparelled livery-servants attendant at table. 

Midas, 



17 

Midas, that had more bkill in alchymy than "Kelly with 
the philosopher's stone, (for all that he could lay his fingers 
on turned into beaten gold) 'Mry tobacco with my leaves, 

'* Kelly.] This -was an associate, in necromancy, with the cele- 
brated Dr. Dee, ■whose intercourse with spirits was published in London, 
1659, by Dr. Mcric Casaubon. Edward Kelly, otherwise Talbot, 
was born at Worcester, 1555 ; and died in Germany, 1593, by leaping 
from the window of his prison, where he was confined for his indis- 
cretions. He wrote a poem on chymistry, and another on the 
philosopher's stone. See an account of him in Wood's Athen.e 
Oxonicnses. Ben Jonson thus mentions him : 

'' A man the emperor 
" Has courted above Kelljj ; sent him medals 
" And chains t' invite him." 

Alchemist, A. 4, S. 1. 

>* dry tobacco, &c.] This luxury is satirized throughout the present 
tract, continuing rather a novelty at the time it was written; for 
tobacco was introduced into England only twenty six years before : 
its use was then a designation of puppyism, as it now is of boorishness ; 
although snuffing yet belongs to the polite of the present day, owing 
perhaps to the high workmanship and elegance of our modern gold 
snuflboxes. It is no wonder that the introduction of a weed of 
such powerful effluvia should have excited the disgust of nice house- 
wives, and delicate mistresses ; from the revolution it must have 
occasioned in domestick cleanliness, and personal sweetness. The 
treatises and poetical witticisms, that appeared on its first employ in 
society, are equally numerous and curious. It is singular, when the 
introduction of this new indulgence had so engaged the pen of 
almost every cotemporary playwright and pamphleteer, nay even of 



you 



18 



you good drj-bramed '"poljpragmonists, till your pipe- 
offices smoke with your pitifully-stinking *^girds shot out 
against me. I conjure you^ as you come of the right 
goosecaps, stain not your house ; but^ when at a new play 
you take up '**the twelvepenny room next the stage^ because 
the lords and you may seem to be hail-fellow-well-met, 
there draw forth this book, read aloud, laugh aloud, and 
play the anticks, that all the garlick-mouthed stinkards 
may cry out : '^" Away with the fool !" As for thee, 

royalty itself, (See K. James's Counterblast to Tobacco.) that Sliaks- 
peare should have been totally silent upon it. 

Decker, in his Wonderful Year, again mentions drying tobacco 
with his writings : 

" Or some smok'd gallant, who at wit repines, 
" To dry tobacco with my vholesome lines." 

The immoderate use of perfumes, which prevailed among fops of 
fashion at the same period, the reader will perceive was alike an 
object of our author's satire : it was indeed ridiculed by most 
writers of that day. 

'6 polypragmonists.] busybodies, or rather perhaps such as have a 
multiplicity of employments, 

" girds shot out against ?ne.] Sarcasms, Jeers, gibes. Thus 
Shakspeare : 

" I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio." 

Taming of the Shrew, A. 5, S. 2. 

»s the twelvepenny room next the stage.'] See a note to Chapter 6. 

19 " Away with the fool !"] This would seem to have been a sort 

Monius, 



19 



Momus, '"clicw nothing but hemlock ; and spit nothing 
but the syrup of aloes upon my papers, till thy very 
rotten lungs come fortii for anger. I am ^'snake-proof; 
and, though, with -'Hannibal, you bring whole hogsheads 
of vinegar-railings, it is impossible for you to quench or 
come over my Alpine resolution. I will sail boldly and 
desperately alongst the shore of the isle of Gulls ; and in 
defiance of those terrible block-houses, their loggerheads, 
make a true discovery of their wild, yet habitable 
country. 



of popular phrase, at that time current ; arising, no doubt, from the 
satiety occasioned by fools'" jokes, whether on the stage or in private. 
In Shakspeare's Tmeljih Night, A. 1, S. 5, where so much wit is 
bandied about respecting fool, Olivia says : " Take the fool away." 
The expression again occurs in Chap. 6. of this work. 

-•' chezc nothing but hemlock] " Go poison yourself." Hemlock 
would here seem put for poison in general, being formerly esteemed 
one of the rankest of all vegetable poeVow^. 

^1 snake-proof.] Envy-proof. This was no vincommon metaphor 
with the old writers. 

^^ Hannibal.] The passage of Hannibal over the Alps, when he 
dissolved the rock with hot vinegar to effect a road for his soldiery, 
is well known. See Livy, Lib. 21. And thus Juvenal, Sat. 10. 
" Opposuit natura Alpemque, nivemque : 
" Diducit scopulos, et montem rumpit aceto.'^ 



Sound 



20 



Sound an alarum therefore, O thou my courageous 
muse ! and, like a Dutch crier, -*make proclamation with 
(3; thy drum : the eftcctlT of thine O-yes being, that if any 
man, woman, or child, be he lord, be he lown, be he 
courtier, be he carter, of the inns of court, or inns of city, 
that, hating- from the bottom of his heart all good manners 
and generous education, is really in love, or rather doats 
on that excellent country lady, innocent Simplicity, being 
the first, fairest, and chiefest chambermaid that our great 
grandam Eve entertained into service : or if any person 
aforesaid, longing to make a voyage -*in the Ship of Fools, 
■would venture all the wit that his mother left him to live 
in the country of Gulls, cockneys, and coxcombs; to the 
intent that, haunting theatres, he may sit there, ^^like a 

^^ make proclamation ullh thy drum.] The Dutch public criers 
made use of a drum, as ours now do of a bell. 

®* in Me Ship of Fools.] Alluding to the Navis stuUifera, a very- 
popular book of that period, written by Alexander Barclay, a learned 
Scotchman : it is an allegorical poem, satirizing the vices and follies 
of mankind ; first published in folio by Richard Pinson, 1508, 

-'•' like a popinjay.] K mere parrot, a talkative coxcomb. Those, 
who are curious to ascertain whether the popinjay be really the same 
bird with the parrot, may consult the scholiasts of Shakspcare on the 
following Hue ; 

" To be so pestered with a popinjay.''^ 

IIknky 4, Part 1, A. 1, S. 3. 

popinjay. 



21 



popinjay, only ^"to learn play-speeches, which afterward 
may furnish the necessity of his bare knowledge to 
maintain tabletalk ; or else, -'haunting taverns, desires to 
take the bacchanalian degrees, and to 'Vrite himself in 
arte hibcndi magisler ; that at ordinaries would '''sit like 
Bias, and in the streets walk like a braggart ; that on 
foot longs to go like a French lackey, and on horseback 
rides like an English tailor : or that from seven years and 

^^ to learn play-specchcs.] This humour of interlarding discourse 
■with theatrical quotation is thus ridiculed by John Marston : 
" Now I have him, that ne'er of aught did speak, 
" But when of plays and players he did treat : 
" Hath made a commonplace-book out of playx^ 

" And speaks in print. ^ — 

" He writes, he rails, he jests, he courts, (whatnot?) 
" And all from out his huge long-scraped stock 
" Of viell-pemfd plays." 

Scourge of Villany, Sat. 11, Book 3. 

^'^ haunting taverns.'] The original has heating, which I think 
evidently a misprint ; as such word will afford no sense whatever : 
haunting taverns appositely connects with haunting theatres^ which 
precedes. 

28 write,] The original has waite, which I conceive to be also a 
misprint ; as that word could afford no sense. The misprints, and 
palpable mistakes in the original copy are very numerous. 

29 sit like Bias.] That is silent. A reference being made, respect- 
ing this philosopher, to the following passage in Plutarch's little 

upward_, 



23 



upward, till his dying day^ ^"has a month's mind to have 
the Gull's Hornbook by heart ; by which in time he may 
be promoted to serve any lord in Europe, as his crafty 
fool or his bawdy jester ; yea, and to be so dear to his 
lordship, as for the excellency of his fooling to be admitted 
both to ride in coach with him, and to ^'lie at his very 

Treatise on Garrulity : " Those who deal in proverbs say ; that 
" zehat is in the sober man's heart, is on the drunkard's tongue. 
" Hence Bias, sitting silent at a banquet, and being upbraided with 
" stupidity by a talkative coxcomb, replied: " AVhere is the fool 
" that can be silent in his cups ?" This anecdote is very neatly 
narrated in John Lyly's Ephcebus, subjoined to his Euphues. 

It may not be improper to remark in this place, that many of the 
apothegms of the wise Grecians were borrowed from the Jewish 
writers; the foregoing from Plutarch may be traced in EcclesiasticuSy 
Chap. 21, Fer. 26 : " The heart of fools is in their mouth ; but the 
" mouth of the wise is in their heart." 

s** has a month's mind.] A proverbial expression to imply a strong 
inclination to any thing. It originated, says Ray, in his Proverbial 
Phrases, from one of those lesstr funeral solemnities appointed by 
any person to be held in remembrance of him, when deceased, at the 
period of every month. We read, in ancient wills, of a year's mind, 
a xeeek's mind. Polydore Vergil has shewn that the custom is of 
Roman origin. In the notes to the Northumberland Household Book 
is one very satisfactory on this subject. 

*> lie at his very feet on a truckle-bed.] It was formerly the 
custom, for the page to lie at the feet of his lord and master on a 
truckle-bed. Thus Thomas Middlcton, in his More Dissemblers besides 

feet 



feet on a truckle-bed. Let all such (and I hope the world 
has not left her old fashions, but there are ten thousand 
such) repair hither. Never knock, you that strive to be 
ninnyhainmer ; but with youv feet spurn open the door, 
and enter into our school : you shall not need to buy 
books ; no ; ^'scorn to distinguish a B from a battledoor ; 
only look that your ears be long enough to reach our 
rudiments^ and you are made for ever. It is by heart 
that I would have you to con my lessons, and therefore 

Women, A. 1, S, 1, " Well, go thy ways, for as sweet a breasted 
" page as ever lay at his master's feet in a truckle-bed." Nay, even 
on a marriage night, it is said, the page still kept his post. Every 
sleeping. room was furnished with two beds, a standing, and a truckle. 
bed, one for the master, the other for the servant. So " mine of host 
" of the garter," describing Sir John FalstaflF's appartment to master 
Simple, says : " There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his stand- 
ing-bed, and truckle-bed." Merry Wives of Windsor, A. 4, S. 5. 
Again, in Hall's account of a servile tutor : 
" First, that he lie upon the truckle-bed, 

" While his young master lieth o'er his head.'' 

ViRGiDEMiARUM, Sat. 6, Book 2. 

3* scorn to distinguish a B from a battledoor.] This seems to 
have been a cant phrase of the time, in substituting one thing for 
another. Thus John Taylor, the water-poet : 

" For in this age of criticks are such store, 
" That of a B kHI make a battledoor." 

Dedication to Taylor's Motto. 
He again dedicates his Odcomb's Complaint to " The Gentlemen 
" Readers, that understand a B from a Battledoor,"' 

E be 



be sure to have most devouring stomachs. Nor be you 
terrified with an opinion^ that our rules be hard, and 
indigestible ; or that you shall never be good graduates 
in these rare sciences of barbarism, and idiotism: O fy 
upon any man that carries that ungodly mind ! Tush, 
Tush ; ^^Tarleton, Kemp, nor Singer, nor all the litter 
of fools that now come drawling behind them, never 
played the clowns more naturally than the arrantest sot 
(A 2) (4) of you aim shall, if he will but boil my instructions in 
bis '^brainpan. 

3^ Tarleton, Kemp, nor Singer.] Richard Tarleton was one of 
the first clowns, and buffoons that had then ever appeared on the 
English stage : he was an immoderate favourite with the public, and 
even with royalty. Baker speaks of him at length, in his Biographia 
Dramatica, as the author of The seven deadly Sins, a lost piece; 
but the scheme of which was once in Mr. Steevens', and since in 
Mr. Malone's possession. He died about 1589, and was succeeded in 
his parts by William Kemp, who stood nearly as high in general 
estimation, and was also an author: the comedy of The Return from 
Parnassus is said to be his; and he wrote several jigs, ludicrous 
compositions, answering to the Italian frottole. Kemp was the 
original Dogberry, in Shakspcare's Much ado about Nothing ; and 
Peter, in Romeo and Juliet. Singer, (I believe John,) was a per- 
former of the same class. They all seem to have been dead, or off 
the stage, when Decker flourished ; from the use he makes of the 
words now and behind, in the subsequent part of the sentence. 

** brainpan.} This word is Shakspearean : " Many a time, but 



And 



f» 



And lest I myself, like some pedantical vicar stammering 
out a most false and crackt Latin oration to master mayor 
of the town and his brethren^ should cough and hem 
in my deliveries ; by which means you, my auditors, should 
be in danger to depart more like ^Svoodcocks than when 
you came to me : O thou venerable father of ancient, and 
therefore hoary customs^ Sylvanus, I invoke thy assistance ; 
thou that first taughtest carters to wear hobnails, and 
^®lobs to play christmas-gambols, and to shew the most 
beastly horse-tricks ! O do thou, or, if thou art not at 
leisure, let thy mountebank, goat-footed ■ 'Fauniis, inspire 
me with the knowledge of all those silly and ridiculous 
fashions, which ^*the old dunstical world wore even out 
at elbows ; draw for me the pictures of the most simpla 



*' for a sallet, my brainpan had been cleft with a brown bill." 

Henry 6, Part 2, A. 4, S. 10. 
Dryden also employs the word. 

5* woodcocks.] Fools were so called, by many of our old writers, 
from a popular opinion, once generally received, that such birds were 
actually destitute of brains. 

^ lobs.] Lubbers, loobies, 

'"' Faunus.] The original has Faani. 

" the old dunstical world.'} Stupid, indocil ; a word perhaps of 
the author's coinage, for I find it no where else. 

fellowi 



m 

fellows then living, that bj their patterns I may paint 
the like ! Awake, thou noblest drunkard Bacchus ; ihoxt 
inust likewise stand to me, if at least thou canst for 
reeling ; teach me, ^''you sovereign skinker, how to take 
*"the German's upsy-freeze, "the Danish rowsa, *Hhe Switzer's 

5^ 1J0U sovereign skinker.] This ancient appellation for ctip' 
bearer, or feller of u-ine is purely Danish {skenker.) It is singular, 
that we should seem indebted to the Danes for many of our terms of 
jollity. See a note, a little further on, respecting the Danish rojtsa. 

*<> the German's upsy-freeze.] The original has Germanie's. The 
last two words are almost inexplicable ; I would however hazard this 
interpretation of them : a tipsy draught, or swallowing liquor till 
drunk ; deriving them from op-zee, Dutch, which means literally over 
sea; and fressen, which, in High-Dutch or German, signifies to 
swallow greedily, to gormandize. Half seas over, or nearly drunk, 
•with us, is most likely a proverbial phrase borrowed from the 
Dutch. 

As giving some colour to my conjecture; take the following pas- 
sages from Ben Jonson, and Fletcher, consulliug their commentators, 
Whalley, Sympson, Seward, &c. who all confess themselves puzzled: 
" I am thine own adunguem, upsie-freeze. 

The Case is altered, A 3, S. 1. 

Which I should interpret : " I am perfectly thine, even iii my 

** cups." 

" I do not like the dulness of your eye : 
«« It hath a heavy cast, 'tis upsee Dutch." 

Alchemist, A. 4, S. 6. 



stoop 



if 

stoop of rhenish, *'the Italian's parmizant, "the English- 

" So sit down, lads, 
" And drink me upsey-Dutch." 

Beggar's Blsh, A. 3, S. 1. 

" Prigg. I for the structure, 

" Which is the bowl. 
" Higgen. Which must be iipsetf-KngVish, 
'' Strong lusty London beer," 

Idem, A. 4, S. 4. 

" the Danish rowsa.] A large dose of liquor. Thus in the comedy 
of the Sun's Darling, A. 4, S. 1, composed by our author and John 
Ford conjointly : "I am for you in that too; (a dance) 'twill jog 
" down the lees of these rouses into a freer passage." The word is 
Shakspearean ; on which Mr. Stevens observes, that it is of Danish 
extraction, quoting the passage before us from our GuWs Hornbook. 
^' The king doth wake to night, and takes his rouse." 

Hamlet, A. 1, S. 4. 
" 'Fore heav'n, they have given me a rouse already." 

Otuello, a. 2, S. 3. 
Thus too in Robert Daborn's The Christian turned Turk, 1612 : 
" Our friends may tell, 
' " We drank a rouse to them." 

*^ the Switzer's stoop of thenish.^ A stoop is perhaps figuratively 
put for an immoderate draught ; it seems to have been really some- 
what better than half a gallon. Mr. Reed observes, that in Hexam't 
Low-Dutch Dictionary, 1660, a gallon is explained by een kanne van 
twee stoopen. 

*^ the Italian's parmizant.] This word, and some alike inex- 

man's 



man's healths, his hoops, cans, half-cans, "gloves, frolickj. 
and ^''flapdiagons, together with the most notorious qualities 
of the truest tosspots, as "when to cast, when to quarrel, 

plicable, occur in another of Decker's tracts, Seven deadly Sins of 
London^ 4to. 1606. Page 3. " They were drunk according to all tha 
*' rules of learned drunkenness, as upsy-freeze, crambo^ parmizani." 

** the Englishman's healths, his hoops.] The hoops, marked on 
a drinking pot, were supposed to limit the draught each man should 
take out of it. Shakspeare alludes to this, in his Henry 6, Part 2, 
A. 4, S. 2. 

" The three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops." 

So Nashe, in his Pierce Pennilesse' s Supplication to the Devil, 1592. 
" I believe hoops in quart pots Mere invented to that end, that every 
<' man should take his hoop, and no more." Probably cans not duly 
hooped, or otherwise marked in measurement, were publickly des- 
troyed ; as alluded to by Ben Jonson, in his Cytithia's Revels, A. 1, 
S. 4, where he speaks of " the wise magistrates of our metropolis 
*' measuring of coals, burning of cans, and such like." It should be 
here observed that the old drinking-mugs were constructed, as barrels 
now arc, with staves, bound together by wooden Aoops. 

** gloves.] This word, I presume, has some such meaning as the 
shoeing-horn, on which see a subsequent note. Or it may imply such 
jL quantity of any liquor for a draught as a glove would contain. 

*c flapdragons.] These are any small combustible bodies (they 
may be formed of almonds) fired at one end, and floated in a glass of 
liquor, which an experienced toper swallows unharmed, while yet blaz- 
ing. Thus Shakspeare ; 

when 



when to fight, and where to sleep : hide not a drop of 
thy moist mystery from mc, thou plumpest swill-bowl ; 
but^ like an honest red-nosed wine-bibber, lay open all 
thy secrets, and the "mystical hieroglyphick of **rashers 
©'th' coals, modicums, and '^"shoeing-horns, and why they 

*' Thou art easier swallowed than aflapdragon. 

Love's Labour lost, A. 6, S. I. 
" And drinks off candles' ends for Jlapdragons. 

Henry 4, Part 2, A. 2, S. 4. 

^ zohen to cast.] The word cast will admit of many interpreta- 
tions ; and a very coarse one, I rather think, is here meant : " when 
" he has drunk so much JiqHor, that it is right to disgorge it." It 
may imply ; " when it is proper to call the tavern-bill, and cast it :" 
or ; " when it is fit to break up the jollity, and dismiss his bottle- 
" companions." In the latter iastance the word is Shakspearean : 

" Our general cast us thus early for the love of his Desdemona." 

Othello, A. 2, S. 3, 

Meaning perhaps, says Mr. Steevens, " dismissed us, got rid of 
our company." 

*^ mystical hicroglyphick.] These words, I fancy, would here 
signify occult power ; ludicrously applied to the provocatives men. 
tioned. 

♦' rashers o' th' coals.] The original has rashers ath coales. 
This tasteful bit of cookery seems formerly to have had great 
vogue. Shakspeare mentions it ; 



were 



so 



were invented, for what occupations, and when to be 
used. Thirdly, (because I will have more than two strings 
to my bow) Comus, thou clerk of gluttony's kitchen, do 
thou also bid me *'profess ; and let me not rise from table^ 
till I am perfect in all the general rules of epicures and 
cormorants : fatten thou my brains, that I may feed others ; 
and teach them both how to squat down to their meat ; 
and how to munch so like loobies, that the wisest Solon in 
the world shall not be able to take them for any other. 



" If we grow all to be pork-eatefs, we shall not shortly have a 
" rasher on the coals for money.'' 

Merchant of Venice, A. 3, S. 1. 
See also the subsequent note. 

*<* shoeing-hohis.] Meaning a zehet, the better to relish our liquor. 
Thus bishop John Still : 

" A slip of bacon ■ 

" Shall serve for a shoeing-horn to draw on two pots of ale." 
Gammur Gurton's Needle, A. 1, S. 5. 
Nashe's Pieree PemiUesse^s Supplication to the Devil, Page 23, 
enumerates, among the drunkard's precepts, that of having " some 
*' shoeing-horn to draw on your wine, as a rasher of the coals, or a 
'' red herring." He again uses the phrase, in his Lenten Stuff, 1599 : 
*' A shoeing-horn for a pint of wine overplus." 

I remember to have overheard once the remark of a St. James's- 
street chairman, who, I have reason to think, knew nothing of 
Thomas Decker or John Still, that " a crust of bread and cheese was 
" an excellent pe^ to hang a pot of porter upon." 

" profess.] Declare myself an adept. The original has preface. 

If 



SI 

If there be any strength in thec^ thou beggarly monarch 
of Indians,, and setter-up of rotten lunged chimneysweepers, 
tobacco ! I beg it at thy smoky hands, make me thine 
adopted heir, that, inheriting the virtues of thy whiffs, I 
(j) may 1 distribute them amongst all nations; and make the 
fantastick Englishmen, above the rest, more cunning in 
the distinction of thy ^'roll Triilidado, leaf, and pudding, 
than the whitest-toothed blackamoor in all Asia. After 
thy pipe shall ten thousands be taught to dance, if thou 
wilt but discover to me the sweetness of thy snuffs, with 
the manner of spawling, slavering, spetting, and driveling 
in all places, and before all persons, *^0 what songs will 

* roll Trinitlado, leaf, and pudding.] These may be the three 
sorts of tobacco intended by Ben Jonson, in the Induction to Cynthia's 
Revels ; where one of the interlocutors says : " I have my three sorts 
" of tobacco in my pocket, my light by me, &c." To define the 
manufacture of the different kinds is scarcely possible at this time. 
The pudding he again mentions in A. 2, S. 2, of the same piece : " He 
" never kneels but to pledge healths, nor prays but for a pipe of 
" pudding-tobacco." 

" zohat songs zcill I charm out.'] Sing, from ciarma, old Ital. 
carmen Lat, The word charm formerly had such meaning. Miltoo 
would seem so to apply it; although the acceptation has not, I believe, 
been generally received ; 

" Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet, 
" With charm of earliest birds; &c." 

Paradise Lost, B. 4, Fe?: 642. 
Sj)enscr uses the word charm in the sense of tune, attune: 



s^ 



I charm out, in praise of those valiantlj-strong- stinking 
breaths, which are easily purchased at thy hands, if I can 
but get thee to travel through my nose ! All the " fobs !'* 
in the fairest lady's mouth that ever kist lord shall not fright 
me from thy brown presence : for thou art humble ; and 
from the courts of princes hast vouchsafed to be acquainted 
with **penny galleries ; and, like a good fellow, to be 
drunk for company with watermen, carmen, and colliers ; 
whereas before, and so still, knights and wise gentlemen 
were, and are thy companions. Last of all, thou lady of 
clowns and carters, schoolmistress of fools and wiseacres, 
thou homely but harmeless Rusticity, O breathe thy dull 
and dunstical spirit into our gander's quill ! Crown me 
thy poet, not with a garland of bays — O no ! the number of 
those that steal laurel is too monstrous already — but swad- 
dle thou my brows with those unhandsoirse boughs, which, 
like Autumn's rotten hair, hang dangling over thy dusty 
eyelids. Help me, thou midwife of unmannerliness, to be 
delivered of this embryon that lies tumbling in my brain. 
Direct me in this hard and dangerous voyage, that, being 
safely arrived on the desired shore, I may build up altars 

Here we our slender pipes may safely charm. 

Shepherd's Calendar, October, 
Charming his oaten pipe unto his peers. 

Collin Clout's come home again. 

»♦ penny galleries.] See a note to Chapter 6. 

to 



to thy unmatchable rudeness; the excellency whereof I 
know will be so great, that growtnols and "raomes will 
in swarms fly buzzing about thee. So Herculean a labour 
IS this that I undertake, that I am enforced to bawl out 
for all your succours, to the intent I may aptly furnish 
this feast of fools, unto which I solemnly invite all the 
world; for at it shall sit not only those whom fortune 
favours, but even those whose wits are naturally their own. 
Yet, because your artificial fools bear away the bell, all 
our best workmanship at this time shall be spent to fashion 
(B 3) such a creature.lT 



" niomes.] DoKs, blockheads: from (he French wowon, gaming 
in strict silence at a masquerade. Hence our cant word mum. It 
occurs in Shakspearc : 

" Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot,patch !" 

Comedy of Eruous, A. 3, S. 1. 



35 



f«) 



Cijapter (♦ 



THE OLD WORLD, AND THE NEW WEIGHED TOGETHER. 

THE TAILOES OF THOSE TIMES, AND THESE 

COMPARED. THE APPAREL, AND DIET 

OF OUR FIRST FATHERS. 



OOD clothes are the embroidered 
trappings of pride, and good cheer 
the very eryngo-root of gluttony ; 
so that fine backs, and fat bellies 
are coach-horses to two of the 
seven deadly sins ; in the boots of 
which coach Lechery, and Sloth 
sit like the waiting maid. In a 
most desperate state therefore do tailors, and cooks stand, 
by means of their offices ; for both those trades are 'apple- 




' apple-squires.] Pimps, panders. Our author again uses the 
word, ia his Belman of London; indeed it was a caut term then very 
familiar. Ben Jonson has it : 

squires 



36 



squires to that couple of sins. The one invents more phan 
tastick fashions, than -France hath worn since her first 
stone was laid ; the other more lickerish epicurean dishes, 
than were ever ^served up to Gallonius's table. Did man, 
think you, come wrangling into the world about no better 
matters, than all his lifetime to *make privy searches in 

" Well, good wife baAvd, Cob's wife, and you 

" That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy ; 

" And you, young apple-squire, and old cuckold-maker, 

'' I'll ha' you every one before a justice." 

Every Man in his Humour, A. 4, S. 10. 
So Robert Davenport, in his Tragl-Comedy : 

" Well, I may hope for a squire^s place j my father veas a coster, 
'?' monger." 

The City Nightcap, A, 2, S. 1. 
And thus Barnaby Rich, in his tract of Faults and nothing but 
Faults, 1606, Page 24 : 

" She shall not want the assistance of her ruffians, her apple- 
" squires, and of those brothel queans, &c." 

^ than France hath worn since her first stone was laid.^ The 
kingdom itself would here seem put for its capital Paris, 

' served up to Gallonius's table.l Of this egregious epicure Lucilius 
said, " that he never supt well, because he never supt when hungry." 
He is mentioned by Cicero, De Finibus Bonor. et Malor. Lib. 2, 
Cap. 8, Sf 28. 

* make privy searches in Birchin lane.] The original has laio, 
evidently a misprint for Ian, or lane. See a note of Mr. Malone's to 

Birchin 



57 



Birchm lane for whalebone doublets, or for ^pies of night- 
ingales' tongues in Ileliogabalus his kitchen ? No, no ; 
the first suit of apparel, that ever mortal man put on, came 
neither from the mercer's shop, nor the merchant's ware- 
house : Adam's bill would have been taken then, sooner 
than a knight's bond now ; yet was he "great in nobody's 

Julius Ciesar, A. 3, S. 1, in his Shakspeare, Vol. 7, Page 357, where 
there seems to occur a coinciding reverse of misprint ; lane being there 
mistaken for law. Stow speaks of Birchin, or Birchover^s lane, as 
inhabited by "■ wealthy drapers and frippers: Survey/ of London ; 
Page 215. Ed. 1633. Mention is made of it in the io«£/o« Prorfzg-o/, 
A. 1, S. 1. 

" Thou sayst thou hast twenty pound: go into Birchin lane, put 
" thy self into clothes." 

* pies of nightingales' totigues.] A reference is here made to the 
inordinate luxury of the emperor Heliogabalus, who, as ^.lius Lam- 
pridius tells us, fed on peacocks' and nightingales' tongues ; he had also a 
dish made of the brains of five hundred ostriches. The delicacy quoted 
reminds me of a similar one, said to be served up at the fele of a late 
fashionable of high rank. Take it, as copied from a morning paper 
of March 21, 1782. "The supper consisted of every delicacy the 
*' imagination could suggest : one dish deserves particular attention ; 
" it was composed of the rumps of nightingales drest in dew, which 
*' was gathered last spring season from the leaves of roses ! ! !" 

^ great in nobody^ s books.'] Not indebted. Perhaps this is a purely 
Deckerian phrase. 

" Thy muse is a hagler, and wears clothes upon best-be-trust * 
" thou'rt great in somebody's books for this." 

Satiromastix. 

books 



38 



books for satin^ and velvets. The silkworms had some- 
thing else to do in those days^ than to set up looms, and 
be free of the weavers : ''his breeches were not so much 
worth as K. Stephen's, that cost but a poor noble; for 
Adam's holjday hose and doublet were of no better stuff 
than plain fig-leaves, and Eve's best gown of the same 
piece ; there went but a pair of shears between them. An 
antiquary in this town has yet some of the powder of those 
leaves dried to shew. Tailors then were none of the 
twelve companies : their hall, that now is larger than 
some Morpes among the Netherlands, was then no bigger 
than a Dutch butcher's shop : they durst not ^strike down 

"^ his breeches were not worth so much as K. Stephen's.] This 
alludes to a stanza, in the well-known ancient ballad of Take thy 
old cloak about thee. See Percy'' s Reliqices, Vol. ], Page 188, Ed. 
1767. It occurs in Shakspeare's OMe//o, A. 2, S. 1. To which see 
Mr. Steerens' note. 

" King Stephen was a worthy peer, 

" His breeches cost him but a crown ; 
" He held them six-pence all too dear, 
" With that he call'd the tailor — lown !" 

* dorpes.] Towns, or villages, 

9 strike down their customers with large bills.] Our author here 
intends the same pun, that we find in Shakspeare's Timon of Athens, 
A. 3, S. 4 ; on which consult his commentator Steevens ; the word 
bill alike implying an account, and a battle-axe, also nzcaichvian^s staff. 
Scf a note to C/iap. S. In Ilej' wood's Jf you know not me, you knots 

their 



99 



their customers with large bills : Adam cared not an apple- 
paring for '"all their lousj hems. There was then neither 
"the Spanish slop, nor "the skipper's galligaskin, "the 

Nobody, 1633, Part 2, Sir John Gresham says to his creditors: 
" P'riends, ypu cannot beat me down with your bills.^' 

'« all their lousy hems.] The word hem here implies the neat 
finish, or border of a garment. Adam heeded not this ; but wore 
his doublet rough as it was cut out, and tacked together. 

11 the Spanish slop.] Trousers. 

»^ the skipper's galligaskin.] Or galligaskim ; a sort of open 
breeches, derived from calligie Gallo-Vascomc<e, which the Vascones, 
or inhabitants of Nararre, wore. 

" the Switzer's blistered codpiece.] By blistered, I imagine, is 
intended puffed, swelled out like blisters. So Mr. Steevens interprets 
a similar passage in Shakspeare : 

" Tall stockings, 
" Short blistered breeches, and those types of trayel." 

K. Henry 8, A. 1, S. 3. 
Or may not blistered imply, decorated with large buttons ? Thus 
Fletcher, in his Beggar's Bush, A. 4, S. 4 : 

" Pox o' that whorson bear-ward, 
" In his French doublet, with his blisler'd bullions." 
Which last words have been interpreted as a cant phrase for large 
buttons. 

From a passage in Coryat's Crudities, Vol. 2, Page 200 Edit. 
1776, we may conjecture, that the ostentatious and disgusting orna- 
meat mentioned originated with the Swiss ; for this traveller tells us 

® Switzer's 



40 



Switzer's blistered codpiece, nor "the Danish sleeve sag- 
(7) gingH down like a Welch wallet, 'Hhe Italian's close 

that all in Zurich wear It, " from a boy of ten years old to an old 
" man of the age of an hundred years." Bulwer, in the Appendix to 
his Anthropometamorphosis^ a most whimsical work before quoted at 
Page 7, expatiates on this piece of finery in a manner historically 
curious, but in terms that will not allow me to give the passage at 
length. He fancies it may have been imitative of the Guineans, or 
derived from the Indians of the island La Trinidad ; and he censures 
those riband-bushes which the modern gallant then appended to it. 

1* the Danish sleeve sagging down, Sfc.'] It may not be imperti- 
nent in this place to remark, that those monstrous sleeves, which it 
would seem were of Danish origin, and which continued in vogue 
long after Decker's day, did not form a part of the body-vestment, 
but were distinct from it, and applied occasionally ; so that one gar- 
ment was worn with a variety of sleeves, most often very rich and 
costly : and this obtained also in female dresses. The catalogue of 
the wardrobe of Henry 8. exhibits some very sumptuous sleeves* See 
Strutt's Fiew of the Dress and Habits of the People of England, Vol. 
2, Page 360, & 375. Ben Jonson, iu his New Inn, A. 2, S. 5, mentions 
the "cuffs of Flanders," which were of the same enormous magnitude, 

1* the Italian's close strosser.] May not this word, as an article 
of dress, which I never before met with, imply the collar of the habit, 
derivin<^ it from strozza, Ital the throat} Or are we to understand 
trosser, the original of the word trouseri Thus Fletcher : 
" O, you hobby-headed rascal, I'll have you flea'd, 
" And trossers made of thy skin to tumble in !" 

Coxcomb, A. 2. 

strosser 



strosscr, nor the ""'French standing collar : your treble- 
quadruple "dasdalian ruffs, nor your '^stiffnecked rabatos, 
that have "'more arches for pride to row under, than can 
stand under five London bridges, durst not then set them- 
selves out in print ; for the patent for ^"starch could by no 

^6 the French standing collar] This is a fashion that has continued 
to the present day, not a full-dress coat is made without it. 

>T dasdalian ruffs.'] So termed from their manifold plaits, which 
were adjusted by heated steel poking.sticks. 

»8 stiffnecked rabatos.] These were a smaller sort of ruffs, or 
collars; from rabat, Fr. Thus Shakspeare : 

*' Troth, I think, your other rrtfta/o were better." 

Much ado about Nothing, A. 3, S. 4. 

»9 more arches.] Allusion here seems made to what were called 
the suppertasses, which supported the rabato or ruff, and prcTcnted 
its falling down. Stubbs, in his Analomi, of Abuses, calls them the 
" stately arches of pride." I cannot describe the contrivance better, 
than in the very words of that snarling puritan : " There is a certain 
« derice made of wires, crested for the purpose, and whipped oyer 
" either with gold, thread, silver, or silk ; and this is called a ^w/i/jer- 
« tasse, or under-proper. This is applied round about their necks, 
" under the ruff, upon the outside of the band, to bear up the whole 
" frame and body of the ruff from falling or hanging down." See 
also Strutt on this subject, quoted as above, Vol. 2, Page 262, and 270. 

20 starch.-] The art of starching was carried to a high pitch ia 
former days, particularly as applied to the ruffs then worn ; and five 
different coloured starches were employed. Stow informs us, that, in 

means 



42 

means he signed. ^'Fashions then was counted a disease, 

and horses died of it : but now, thanks to folly, it is held 

the only rare phjsick ; and the purest golden asses live 
upon it. 

As for the diet of that Saturnian age, it was like their 
attire, homely. A sallad, and a mess of leek-porridge was 
a dinner for a far greater man than ever the Turk was. 
Potato-pies, and custards stood like the sinful suburbs of 
cookery, and ^'had not a wall so much as a handful high 

1564, a Dutch woman taught the art of starching, in London, at the 
price of four and five guineas a learner. Yellow starch was particu- 
larly in vogue ; and was introduced, as a French fashion, by Mrs. 
Turner, who was executed at Tyburn, for the murder of Sir Thomas 
Overbury, in a lawn ruflF of her favourite colour. Yellow starch is 
mentioned in the plays of Albumazar, Blind Ladj/, and Parson's 
Wedding. 

21 Fashions — and horses died of eV.] This was a familiar vul- 
garism, and is still used, in the West of England, for that disease in 
horses we call the farcin, ov farcy : Biondello, mentioning the steed on 
which Petruchio is coming, describes it as troubled " with the lampass, 
" infected with the fashions, full of windgalls." Taming of the 
Shrew, A, 3, S. ?. 

^2 had not a )vall so much as a handful high.] The raising of 
walls, and fortifications in pastry was a fashionable practice in the 
reigns of Elizabeth, and James. A late commentator tells us, that 
the relation of every great entertainment then given commemorates 
the skill of the cook, and confectioner, in such art. Thus Massinger : 

built 



43 

built round about them. ^'Thcre were no daggers then. 



" Though I crack my brains to find out tempting sauces, 
*' And raise fortifications in the pastry, 
" Such as might serve for models in the Low Countries ; 
" &c," 

A NEM' Way to pay old Debts, A. 1, S. 2. 
By a handful high is meant as high as the palm of one's hand. 
Bacon uses the word handful in this sense, so does Ben Jonson : 
" Here stalks me by a proud and spangled sir, 
" That looks three handfuh higher than his foretop." 

Cynthia's Revels, A. 3, S. 4. 

-^ There Kere no daggers then.1 Whatever may be the allusion 
here ; I look upon it as the same intended by Beaumont and p'letcher, 
in the following passage, of which " the difficulties," says their com- 
mentator, Sympson, " in all appearance cannot be got over, without 
" a greater knowledge of the customs and manners of our authors' 
" times than I am master of:" 

" The only plague 
*' Of this house is the unhandsome loie of servants, 
" That never do their duty i' the right place, 
" But when they muster before dinner, 
" And sweep the table with a wooden dagger." 

The Coxcomb, A. 2. 
May not these daggers be a sort of instruments to fix the meat 
with, while cutting it ? I'orks, in Decker's day, were not of commoa 
use, being but recently brought into England. (See a subsequent 
note. Page 44.) Perhaps even this dagger-fork might, in the time of 
" Crookes his ordinary," be thought a luxury; and our forefathers 
might have made the same use of their fingers, in eating, as evea the 
Turkish noblesse do at present. 

nor 



44 



nor no chairs. ^*Crookes his ordinary, in those parsimo-r 
nious days, had not a capon's leg to throw at a dog. O 
golden world ! The suspicious Venetian carved not his 
meat with -*a silver pitchfork, neither did the sweet- 

llad Beaumont and Fletcher mentioned ajter instead of before 
dinner, we might have interpreted the vcooden dagger as one of those 
long voiding knives used by our indelicate ancestors to sweep bones, 
&:c. from the table into tlie voider, or basket, in which broken meat 
was carried off. See a note to Lingua, A. 5, S. 13, in Doddei/s 
Collection of old Plays, Vol. 5. See also a stage-direction in T. 
Heywood's comedy, A JVoman killed with Kindness : " Enter three 
" or four serving men, one with a voider and a zcooden knife, to take 
" away." 

^* Crookes his ordinary.'] This, I presume, was some notorious 
tavernkeeper antecedent to Decker's time. 

2* a silver pitchfork.] It was about the period our author wrote, 
that /orArs were first introduced from Italy to eat with at table, as we 
read in CoryuVs Crudities, Vol. 1, Page 106, Ed. 1776. From a 
passage in Ben Jonson, the fork would seem rather a novelty in his 
day : 

" Then must you learn the use, 
*' And handling of your silver /or/c at meals." 

VOLPONE, A. 4j S. 1. 
The same author again mentions 

" The laudable use of forks 
*' Brought into custom here, as they are in Italy, 
" To th' sparing o' napkins." 

The Devil is an Ass, A. 5, S. 4. 
Beaumont and Fletcher loo have a banter on the invention: 

toothed 



45 



toothed Englishman ^"shift a dozen of trenchers at one 
meal ; *'Piers Ploughman laid the cloth^ and Simplicity 

" And twifold doth express th' enaniour'd courtier, 
*' As full as ^our fork-carving traveller." 

Queen of Corinth, A. 4, S. 1. 

*^ shift » dozen of trenchers at one meal.^ Trenchers were still 
used by persons of fashion in our author's time. In the Household 
Book of the Earls of Northumberland, it appears that they were 
common to the tables of the first nobility ; their use was continued 
even to the time of Charles 1. and much longer in colleges, and many 
publick societies : I believe, that in term-time, at some of the inns of 
court, the benchers still eat off them. It is further to be remarked, 
that only the best of company were allowed to change their trenchers 
during a repast. Bishop Hall alludes to this : 

" A gentle squire would gladly entertain 

" Into his house some trencher. chaplain, 

" Some willing man that might instruct his sons, 

" And that would stand to good conditions: 

*' First — that he lie upon the truckle-bed, 

" Whiles his young master lieth o'er his head ; 

" Second — that he do, on no default, 

" Ever presume to sit above the salt; 

" Third — that he never change his trencher txcice.^' 

ViRGiDEMiARUM, Sat. 6, Book 1. 

*'' Piers Ploughman laid the cloth.'] I conceive this expression 
alludes simply to the abstemiousness, and disregard of shew, for which 
Decker gives his ancestors credit. Piers (Peter) Ploughman seems 
to have been a general name for an unaffected plain adviser, or 
advocate. la Ames' Typographical Antiquities, by Herbert, we find 

brought 



46 



brought in the voider. How wonderfully is the world 
altered ! And no marvel, for it has lain sick almost five 
thousand years ; so that it is no more like the old theatre 
da monde, than ^^old Paris Garden is like the king's 
Garden at Paris. 

What an excellent workman therefore were he, that 
could cast the globe of it into a new mould : and not 
to make it look like ^'Mullineux his globe, with a round 

this imaginary personage presenting himself in the following tracts : 
A goodly Dialogue^ and Di/sputacion between Pyers Plorcman, and a 
Popish Priest^ Sfc. 1548 — Pyers Plowman'' s Exortation unto the 
lords, knights, Sfc. Edw. G. — The Vision of Pierce Plowman, 1550, & 
1561. — Pierce the Ploughman'' s Crede, 1553. — Pieres Plowman in 
prose, 1561. — Newes from the North, or Conference between Simon 
Certain, and Pierce Plowman, 1579. — The Plowman'' s Complaint of 
sundry wicked Livers, Sfc. 1580. 

28 old Paris Garden.] This place was by the Thames' side, con- 
tiguous to the Globe theatre where Shakspeare played. Bears were 
kept there, and baited. It obtained its name from Robert de Paris, 
who, in the time of_ Richard 2. had a house on the spot. See Blount's 
Glossographia, 

^^ Mullineux his globe.'] This personage, we may reasonably 
conjecture, was some celebrated mathematical-instrument-maker, and 
globe seller of the day ; and we should perhaps not err, if we made 
him the ancestor, or even father, of the same (Molyneux) who pub- 
lished : A Contrivance of adopting a Telescope to a horizontal Dialf 

face 



47 



face sleeked, and washed over with whites of eggs ; but 
to have it in piano, as it was at first, with all tlie ancient 
circles, lines, parallels, and figures ; representing indeed 
all the wrinkles, cracks, crevices, and flaws that ("like 
the mole on Ilatten's cheek, being os amoris,) stuck upon 
it at the first creation, and made it look most lovely : but 
now those furrows arc filled up with ceruse, and vermilion ; 

for observing Time bj/ Daj/ and Nighl, 4to. 1686. He also wrote a 
Treatise on Dioptrics, 4to. 1692, which was reprinted 1709. Might 
not some noted landlord, and his favern-sign, the globe, be here 
alluded to, queries a learned friend ? 

^^ /z'A-e Me mole on Hatten's cheek.] A scholar of no mean judgment 
persuades himself, that Helen'' s cheek y/cic the words intended; a mole 
being esteemed an ornament to a pretty face. Another of equal acumen 
fancies, and perhaps he is right, that allusion is made to some celebrated 
fair-one of the day, whose name was Ilatlen, and who had a very conspi- 
cuous 7nole. How much the Easterns prized this beauty-spot may bo 
seen from an ode of the Persian poet Hafez, who, " for the dark mole 
" on his mistress's cheek, would give all the wealth of Samarcand and 
" Bokhara." Patches, once so much worn, originated in the imitation 
of this graceful stamp of nature. But I rather think some singularly 
marked personage, at that time well-known, was here intended. John 
Taylor, the wator-poet. Decker's cotemporary, records Richard and 
George Ilalton, to whom he dedicates his poem oftheThief; but, in all his 
balderdash, he does not mention this noted mole on the cheek of either, 
which he was very likely to have done. Sir Christopher Hutfon could 
hardly have been designated, as he died eighteen years before Decker 
wrote the present tract; and, had any such Ciceronian stamp belonged 
to his faccj various writers would have noticed it. 

H yet 



48 



yet all will not do, it appears more ugly. ComC;, come ; 
it would be but a bald worlds but that it wears a peri- 
wig ; the body of it is foul, like a birdingpiece, by being 
too much heated ; the breath of it stinks like the mouths 
of chambermaids by feeding on so many sweatmeats : 
(3) and, though to purge it will be a sorer labour than the1[ 
cleansing of Augeas' stable, or the scouring of ^*Moor- 

3* Moorditch.] The ground that has of late years been called 
Moor/ields, together with the adjoining maaor of Finsbury, or Fens- 
bury, extending as far as Hoxton, was in the fourteenth century one 
continued marsh, passable only by rude causeways here and there 
raised upon it. Moo7i/ields, in the time of Edward 2. let but for 
four marks per annum, a sum then equal in Talue to six pounds ster- 
ling. In 1414, a postein gate, called Moorgaie, was opened in 
London Wall, by Sir Thomas Fauconer, mayor, affording freer access 
to the city for such as crossed the Moor ; and water-courses from it 
were begun. In 1311, regular dikes, and bridges of communication 
over them, were made for more effectually draining this fenny tract, 
daring the mayoralty of Robert Atchcly ; which draining was gra- 
dually proceeded upon for about a century, till, in Decker's day, it 
would appear that the waters were collected in one great ditch. In 1614, 
it was to a certain degree levelled, and laid out into walks. In 1732, 
or between that and 1740, its level was perfected, and the walks 
planted with elms. After this, the spot was for years neglected, and 
Moorfields became an assemblage of petty shops, particularly book- 
sellers, and of ironmongers' stalls ; till, in the year 1790, the hand- 
some square of Finsbury compleatcd arose upon its site. 



ditch^ 



ditch, yet, "Jlle ego qui quondam ; I am the '^Pasquil'i 
madcap that will do it. 

Draw near, therefore, all you that love to walk upon 
■^single, and simple soles ; and that wish to keep company 
with none but innocents, and the sons of civil citizens ; 

'* Ille ego, Sfc.'\ From Virgil, JEneid. Lib. 1. In allusion, I sup- 
pose, to his former satirical tracts, previous to the date of the present. 
Se« the Editor's PrefacCy Avherc they arc specified. 

" Pasquil's madcap.] On that notorious mutilated statue in Rome, 
called Pasquil, or Pasquin, all the madcap scribblers were formerly 
allowed to vent their spleen, wit, or satire ; affixing their productions 
thereon, and fathering them on the statue itself, which derived its name 
from Pasquin, a poor tailor, who had lived near it, and was, during his 
lifetime, ludicrously reputed the author of whatever lampoon it ex- 
hibited. Most Italian travellers notice this statue, which was thought 
originally that of a warrior, or gladiator. 

Decker uses the phrase in another of his productions : 
" Go cover a table with sweatmeats, let all the gentlewomen, 
" and that same Pasquil's madcap mother be there." 

Satiromastix. 

'* single, and simple soles.] This may point out to us the 
custom, in former days, of wearing pumps. But Shakspeare indeed 
alludes to it more than once: " Follow me this jest now, " till thou 
" hast worn out thy pump; that, when the single sole of it is worn, 
" the jest may remain, Sec," Romeo and Juliet, A. 2, S. 4. 



out 



50 



'^out with your tables ; and nail your ears, as it were to 
the pillory, to the musick of our instructions : nor let the 
title gillie)!/ fright you from school, for mark what an 
excellent ladder you are to climb by. How many worthy, 
and men of famous memory, for their learning of all 
offices, from the scavenger, and so upward, have flourished 
in London of the ancient family of the Wiseacres, being 
now no better esteemed than fools and younger brothers ? 
^•^This gear must be looked into ; lest in time (O lamenta- 
ble time, when that hourglass is turned up !) a rich man's 
son shall no sooner peep out of the shell of his minority, 

'* out with your tables.] We have here a ridicule upon the usual 
practice of gallants to put down sentences of plays, witticisms uttered 
in company, and new-coined phrases in their tables, tablets, or table- 
books, which were frequently made of small plates of slate bound 
together in a minute duodecimo. 

Weber. 

*® This gear must be looked into.'] A w ord implying matter, thing 
in general. Thus Shakspeare : 

" But I will remedy this gear ere long." 

Henry 6, Part 2, A. 3, S. 1. 
Thus too Lily : 

" I will handle you for this gear well.'' 

Sapiio a?7d Puao, Com. 1591. 
And so Nashc, in the Dedication to his Jpologi/ for Pierce Penni- 
less : 

" I mean to hare a bout with him, with two stares and a pike, for 
" this gear.''^ 

but 



51 

but he shall straightways be ^^bcggcd for a concealment 
or set uponj as it were, bj freebooters, and taken in his 
own pursenets by ^"fencers and conycatchcrs. To drive 

3'' he begged for a concealment.] A rich young man shall no 
sooner come of age, than he shall be requested to take under his pro- 
teclion, and conceal from catchpolls and sergeants, some needy knare 
or avenitirier, making him his companion, his umbra. The term 
being begged is taken from the old law phrase of begging a man for 
a fool; that is, soliciting the crown for the guardianship or charge of 
an idiot^ whose estates might be large, and the trust therefore lucrative. 
See Blackstone's 6o?7?»7e?;/ane5, Book 1, Chap. 8. 

Or, by being begged for a concealment may be intended, being 
solicited to obtain one of those monopolies called concealments, with 
which the crown indulged its favourites. Osborne, in his Memorials 
of the Life of James 1. tells us : " The nation grew feeble, and op- 
" prest with impositions, monopolies, aids, privy seals, concealments, 
" permitted customs, «&c. w ith a multiplicity of tricks more to cheat the 
" English subject." See Blackstone's Commentaries, Book 4, Chap. 
33, in cases of concealment, monopolies, and the dispensing power. 

The following passage from Sir John Harington's Apolosy for the 
Metamorphosis of Jjax, (ajakes) will prove further explanatory of 
the word concealment : " For to confess the truth to you, my good 
" cousins ; I desire not altogether to have it concealed, (his having 
" written the book) lest some hungry promoting fellows should beg it 
" as a concealment, and beg the author also for writing a thing that 
•' he were ashamed to shew." 

38 fencersj'awd conycatchcrs.] A fencer, in our vulgar cant, means 
a receiver of stolen goods ; to fence also signifies to spend : fencer had 
some such knavish meaning, no doubt, in Q. Elizabeth's time. Cony, 
catcher is a well-known Shakspearean word for a cheat, or sharper. 

which 



B2 



which pestilent infection from the heart, here is a medicine 
more potent, and more precious, than -was ever '®that 
mingle-mangle of drugs which Mithridates boiled together. 
Fear not to taste it ; a caudle will not go down half so 
smoothly as this will ; you need not call the honest name 
of it in question ; for antiquity puts off his cap^ and makes 
a bare oration in praise of the virtues of it : the receipt 
hath been subscribed unto, by all those that have had to 
do with simples, with this moth-eaten motto, prohatmn 
est. "Your DiacathoUcon aureum, that with gunpowder 



Robert Greene, our earliest trader in pamphlets, published A Detection 
of the Frauds, and Tricks of Conycaichers, and Cozeners; also The 
Defence of Conycatching, 1592. 

^^ that mingle-mangle of drugs which Mithridates, &c.] The word 
mingle-mangle I have never before met with, in any old writer; it 
can mean no other than mixture. The celebrated compound of the 
royal quack of Pontus, or something nearly similar, held a place in 
our London Pharmacopxia till so late as 1787, when it was deservedly 
expunged. 

Our author again uses mingle-mangle in the sense I conceive it, 
where, in his Wonderful Year, he says : 

" The main army consisting, like Dunkirk, of a mingle-mangle, 
" viz. dumpish mourners, merry sextans, hungry coffin-sellers, &c." 

*» Your diacatholicon aureum, &:c.] The sentence, in the original, 
runs thus : " Your diacatholicon aureum, that with gunpowder brings 
" threatens to blow up all diseases that come in his way, and smells 
" worse then Assa foetida in respect of this." These words in no way 
connect themselves, and the sentence is imperfect ; something therefore 

threatens 



53 



threatens to blow up all diseases that come in its way, 
smells worse than asafcetida in respect of this. You 
therefore whose bodies^ cither overflowing with the corrupt 
humours of this age's phantasticknesSj or else being burnt 
up with the inflammation of upstart fashions^ would fain 
be purged ; and^ to shew that you truly loath this polluted 
and mangy-fisted worlds turn *'Timonists, not caring 

we may presume interpolated, or erroneously printed. But, omitting 
the two words designated by Italicks, which I have done, the sense 
would seem to be restored. 

The diacatholicon, by the by, was an imaginary electuary, or other 
universal medicine, that was supposed to purge away all the peccant 
humours. 

*i turn Timonists.] The original has Pimonists^ a word affording no 
meaning whatever, and which seems a palpable misprint for Timonists, 
derived from the notorious Athenian misanthrope, so celebrated by 
Shakspeare and others ; I have therefore not scrupled to adopt it, being 
supported therein by the authority of our author, who uses it in a 
similar sense elsewhere : 

" I did it to retire me from the world, 

" And turn my muse into a Timonist ; 

" Loathing the general leprosy of sin, 

" Which like a plague runs through the souls of men." 

Satiromastix, 
A learned critick would fain persuade me, that Decker meant to 
have written Pirronists, (properly Pi/rrhonists) the printer having, 
in his manuscript, mistaken rr for m, which might readily happen. 
Purrhonists certainly well conforms to our author's meaning. These 
were a sect founded by Pyrrho, a Greek philosopher and painter of 

either 



54 



either for men or their manners ; do you pledge me : spare 
not to take a deep draught of our homely counsel : the cup 
is full ; and so large^ that I boldly drink a health unto 

(9) all comers. H 



Elis, and the disciple of Anaxarchus ; he flourished at the same period 
with Thcophiastus, and Epicurus. The Purrhonists despised every 
thing, and believed nothing ; with them all was doubt, and uncertainty. 
They are the same with the Scepticks. 



55 



Cl)apter it 



HOW A YOUNG GALLANT SHALL NOT ONLY KEEP HIS 

CLOTHES, WHICH MANY OF THEM CAN HARDLY 

DO, iFROM brokers; BUT ALSO SAVE THE 

CHARGES OF TAKING PHYSICK; WITH 

OTHER RULES FOR THE MORNING. THE 

PRAISE OF SLEEP, AND OF 

GOING NAKED. 



OU have heard all this while no- 
thing but the prologue, and seen 
no more but -a dumb show : our 
velus comccdia steps out now. 
The fittest ^stage upon which you, 
that study to be an actor there, 
are first to present yourself, is, in 
my approved judgment, the soft- 
est and largest down-bed ; from whence, if you will but 





SH 


^S 


1 


1 





1 FROM BROKERS.^ The Original has for ; but I rather chose to 
retain the same reading as in the Table of Chapters^ Page 3. 

it 3 I take 



56 
take sound counsel of your pillow, you shall *never rise, 

- a dumb show.] What was so called very coinnionly preceded 
each act in our old plays, being (he substance of what was afterwards 
discoursed of in the scenes ensuing. In the Chinese plays which I 
have witnessed at Canton, and which are acted on a stage erected ia 
the open streets, a sort of dumb-show-man stands forth between the 
acts, holding up a board on which is inscribed the business of the act 
about to commence. One play employs many days in the represen- 
tation, and generally includes some period of Chinese history. 

^ stage.] The original has stay ; but the sense of the passage 
clearly points it out a misprint for stage. 

* never rise, till you hear it ring noon at least.^ To show how 
closely Decker often followed his prototype, and to exhibit a small 
specimen of the German writer's Latin versification, (See a note on 
our author's address To the Reader.) take the following lines from 
the 1st Rule of Dcdekind's book, Caj). 1, Ed. 1584: 
" Fulcra soporifeii cum liqueris alta cubilis, 

" (Quod fieri medium non decet ante diem,) 
" Egregie civilis eris, si nulla, parentes 
" Mane salutandi sit tibi cura tuos. 
" Non homini cuiquam felicia fata preceris, 
" Saepe tibi grates dicere ne sit opus." 

Frid. Dedekindus, Cap. 1. 
" First : When the light of T10O71 salutes your eyes, 
" (For before noon 'tis never well to rise) 
" All tyranny of outward forms neglect; 
" Nor treat your parents with the least respect; 
" Let no good-morrows interrupt thine ease, 
^ " Or compliments thyself or others tease." 

Roger Bull. 

till 



67 



till you bear it ring noon at least. Sleep, in the name of 
Morpheus, your bellyful ; or, rather, sleep till you hear 
your belly grumbles and waxeth empty. Care not for 
those coarse ''painted-cloth rhymes made by the university 
of Salerne, that come over you with : 

*aSV^ brevis, aid nullus, tihi somnus meridianus. 
Short let thy sleep at noon be. 
Or rather let it none be. 

Sweet 'candied counsel ! But there is ratsbane under 
it. Trust never a bachelor of arts of them all ; for he 



* painted-cloth rhymes."] Ilacknied sage sentences^ such as are 
found spouting in scrolls from the mouths of figures worked, or pain- 
ted on the tapestry of those days. Shakspeare makes frequent allusion 
to them. See the note of his commentators on a passage in As you 
like it, A. 3, S. 2. William Rowley, in his Match at Midnight, A. 1, 
speaks of " a witti/ poesy, a saw, that smells of the painted cloth." 
See also our author's Honest Whore, S. 12. 

The Chinese, whose customs and manners have undergone less mu- 
tation than those of any other people, at this time inscribe moral 
sentences on the walls of their chambers. It is not improbable but 
we may have originally adopted our painted cloths from that nation. 

" sit brevis, tSfc] This quotation is from that well-known little 
work, the Schola Salertiitana, or Regimen Sanitatis Salerni. 

'' candied.] I presume, a play is here intended on the word 
candid. 

speaks 



58 



speaks your health fair^ but to steal away the maidenhead 
of it, Salerne stands in the hixurious country of Naples ; 
and who knows not that the Neapolitan willj *like Derick 
the hangman^ embrace you with one arm^ and rip your 
guts with the other ? There is not a hair in his mustachio 
but, if he kiss you, will stab you through the cheeks, 
like a poig'nard : the slave, to be avenged on his enemy, 
will drink off a pint of poison himself, so that he may 
be sure to have the other pledge him but half so much. 
And it may be, that, upon some secret grudge to work 
the general destruction of all mankind, those verses were 

* like Derick the hangman.] If it be any acquisition to the trea- 
sures of history, we at least gain a knowledge, from this tract of 
Decker's, which we might not obtain elsewhere, the name of that 
honourable character the publick executioner of our author's day. 
From a note in Grey's Iludibras, Part 3, Canto 2, it would seem 
that he was succeeded by one Gregory Brandon, who had arms con- 
firmed to him, through the means of the herald Brook, and became 
an esquire in virtue of his office. Mr. Dun was the next in that 
employ, whose name was continued to those finishers of the law, 
twelve years longer; when, about 1684, John Ketch was advanced 
to the same dignity, who has lt;ft his name to his successors ever 
since. 

Decker again mentions this notorious personage, at the conclusion 
of his Wonderful Year : 

" But by these tricks, imagining that many thousand have been 
^' turned wrongfully off the ladder of life ; and praying that Derick, 
" or his executors, may live to do those a good turn, that have done 
*' po to others : Jlicjinis Priami; here is an end of an old song." 

composed. 



59 

composed. Physicians, I know, and none else took up 
the bucklers in their defence ; railing bitterly upon that 
venerable, and princely custom of long-lying-abcd. Yet, 
now I remember me, I cannot blame them ;%. for they 
(c)(io) which want sleep, which is man's natural rest, become 
either mere naturals, or else fall into the doctors' hands, 
and so consequently into the Lord's : whereas he that 
snorts profoundly scorns to let ^Hippocrates himself stand 

' Ilippocrales himself stand tooting on his urinal.] There is 
Burely much humour in this picture of the great father of physick. 
" giving breath with his mouth" to a urinal, and making it " discourse 
" most eloquent musick." Had Garth chanced to have cast his eye 
on this passage of Decker's, he might have turned it to some account 
in his admirably witty poem, the Dispensary. Yet am I not clear, 
whether Decker may not here use the word toot in the sense of pore, 
peep, pry ; which was very common among old writers. Thus Spenser: 
" With bow and bolts in cither hand, 
" For birds in bushes tooting.'" 

Shepherd's Calendar, March, L. 66. 
Thus too Bishop Hall : 

" Nor toot in Chcapside baskets earne and late, 
" To set the first tooth in some novel cate." 

ViRGiDEMiARUM, Sat. 2, Book 4. 
Also in Pierce the Ploughman's Creed, Sign, B. 3, 4to, 1553: 
" Then tooted I into a tavern, and there I espied, &c." 
And again, in Archbishop Cranmer's Defence of the true and 
catholic Doctrine of the Sacrament., b. 1. 4to, 1550, F. 101, a : 

" peeping, tooting, and gazing at that which the priest 

" held up ia his hands, &c." 

tooting 



tooting on his urinal^ and thereby saves '''the charges of 
a groat's-worth of physick : and happy is that man that 
saves it ; for physick is non minus venefica quani bene- 
Jica ; it hath an ounce of gall in it for every drachm 
of honey. Ten Tyburns cannot turn men over the perch 
so fast as one of these brewers of purgations: the very 
nerves of their practice being nothing but ars homicidi- 
orum, an art to make poor souls kick up their heels ; 
insomuch^ that even their sick grunting patients stand in 
more danger of Mr. Doctor and his drugs^ than of all 
the cannon-shots which the desperate disease itself can 
discharge against them. Send them packing thereforCj 
to walk like Italian mountebanks ; beat not your brains 
to understand their parcel-greek^ parcel-latin gibberish ; 
let not all their sophistical buzzing into your ears^ nor 
their satirical canvassing of featherbeds^ and tossing men 
out of their warm blankets^, awake you till the hour that 
here is prescribed. 

For do but consider what an excellent thing sleep is : 
it is so inestimable a jewels that, if a tyrant would give 
his crown for an hour's slumber, it cannot be bought : 
of so beautiful a shape is it, that, though a man lie with 
an empress, his heart cannot be at quiet till he leaves 
her embracements to be at rest with the other : yea, so 
greatly are we indebted to this kinsman of death, that we 

1" the charges.'\ The original has that charges. 

owe 



61 



owe the better tributary half of our life to him ; and 
there is good cause why we should do so ; for sleep is 
that golden chain that ties health, and our bodies together. 
Who complains of want, of wounds, of cares, of "great 
men's oppressions, of captivity, whilst he sleepcth ? Beg- 
gars in their beds take as much pleasure as kings. Can 
we therefore surfeit on this delicate ambrosia.'' Can we 
drink too much of that, whereof to taste too little 
tumbles us into a churchyard ; and to use it but indiffe- 
rently throws us into Bedlam ? No, no. Look upon 
''Endymion, the moon's minion, who slept threescore 
and fifteen years ; and was not a hair the worse for it. 
Can lying abed till noon then, being not the threescore 
(•') and fifteenth thousands part of his nap, be hurtful? 

" great men's oppressions.^ This is somewhat in the spirit of 
Shakspeare : 

*' For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, 
" Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's coutumely V^ 

Hamlet, A. 3, S. 1. 

12 Endijmion — who slept threescore and fifteen years.] On what 
testimony our author so limits Endymion's slumber, I am at a loss 
to conjecture. Some tell us that he was doomed to an eternal sleep, 
others that he slept thirty years only. The term of seventy five 
has certainly no classical authority. Decker then, I presume, only 
meant figuratively to designate an indefinite and protracted period 
by one that was definite. 



Besides^ 



62 



Besides^ bj the opinion of all philosophers and phy- 
sicians, it is not good to trust the air with our bodies ; 
till the sun with his flamecoloured wings hath fanned away 
the misty smoke of the morning ; and refined that thick 
tobacco-breath which the rheumatick night throws abroad 
of purpose to put out the "eye of the element : which 
work questionless cannot be perfectly finished, till the 
sun's car-horses stand prancing on the very top of highest 
noon ; so that then, and not till then, is the most health- 
ful hour to be stirring. Do you require examples to 
persuade you ? At what time do lords and ladies use to 
rise, but then ? Your simpering merchants' wives are 
the fairest liers in the world ; and is not eleven o'clock 
their common hour ? They find, no doubt, unspeakable 
sweetness in such lying ; else they would not day by 
day put it so in practice. In a word, midday slumbers 
are golden : they make the body fat, the skin fair, the 
flesh plump delicate and tender : they set a russet colour 
on the cheeks of young women, and make lusty courage 
to rise up in men : they make us thrifty ; both in sparing 
victuals, for breakfasts thereby are saved from the hell- 
mouth of the belly ; and in preserving apparel, for while 
we warm us in our beds our clothes are not worn. 



1^ eye of the element.^ The sun is by different poets called the 
'*' ei^e of day," the " day's great ej/e," the " day's illustrious et/Cy" 
the " world's bright e;ye." See Poole's English Parnassus. 



The 



The casements of (liluc eyes being then at tliis com- 
mendable time of the day newly set open, chusc rather 
to have thy windpipe cut in pieces 'Hhan to salute any 
man. Bid not good-morrow so much as to thy father, 
though he be an emperor. An idle ceremony it is, and 
can do him little good ; to thyself it may bring much 
harm : for if he be a wise man that knows how to hold 
his peace, of necessity must he be counted a fool that 
cannot keep his tongue. 

Amongst all the wild men that run up and down in 
this wide forest of fools, the world, none are more super- 
stitious than those notable '^Ebritians, the Jews : yet a 
Jew never wears his cap threadbare with putting it off ; 

^* than to saliife any man. Bid not, Sfc.^ Here is another in- 
stance of close imitation. See a quotation from Dedekind, in a pre- 
ceding note, at Page 56 : " Egrcgie civilis eris, &c." 

1* Ebritians.] A slang word of the day, I presume, for Ilebrezcs, 
Jews. The mention of their superstition stands thus iu Dedekind's 
original, Cap. 1. 

" Gens sine mane suos llebiiea salutet amicos, 
" Quam tenet implicitam multa superstitio.''^ 

" A Hebreic may (him superstition blinds) 
" Use ceremonious forms of Tarious kinds." 

Roger Bull. 



never 



64 



never bends in the hams with '^casting awaj a leg ; never 
cries : " God save you !" though he sees the devil at 
your elbow. Play the Jews therefore in this^ and save 
thy lips that labour : only remember, that, so soon as thy 
eyelids be unglued, thy first exercise must be, either 
sitting upright on thy pillow, or rarely lolling at thy 
(C2)(i2;body's whole1[ length, '^to yawn, to stretch, and to gape 

'^ casting away a leg.] Thus again our author, in his Wonderful 
Year; " Janus, that bears two faces under one hood, made a very 
*' mannerly low leg.^' And in another part : 

" He calls forth one by one, to note their graces ; 
" Whilst they make legs, he copies out their faces." 
Also in his Honest Whore, S. 11 : 

" Be ready with your legs, then let me see 
" How courtesy would become him." 
The phrase is Shakspearean too : 

" Well, here is my /e^." 

Henry 4, Part 1, A. 2, S. 4. 
But it belongs to many other cotemporary writers. 
" Of making loxs legs to a nobleman." 

C. Marlow's Edward 2. 
" Then a stranger — no sooner enters the privy chamber, and beats 
" about with three graceful legs." 

T. KiLLEGREw's Parson's Wedding, A. 2, S. 7. 

1' to yawn, to stretch, S^c.'] One more example from the 2d 
Rule will suffice to show Decker's obligations to the German writer: 
" Non habet exiguas quoque pandiculatio yircs, 

" Si medicos par est credere vera loqui, 
" Accidit ex longo nervos torpere soporc, 

wider 



65 

wider '"than any oyster-wife ; for thereby thou dost not 
only send out the lively spirits, '"like vaunt-couriers, to 

<' Atque male officii mnnus obire sui. 

" Excitat hos cerlo tibi paniHculatio motu, 

" Utere: ncc mores dedccct ilia tuos.'' 

FiuD. Dedek'indus, Cap, 1. 

" Yatcntng can strange Herculean wonders do, 

" (If aught that empiricks assert be true) 

*' For sleep averts the movements of the heart, 

" And long in durance holds each vital part ; 

" Stretch arms and jaws as wide as wide can be, 

" 'Twill from the bonds of Morpheus set you free : 

" Yawning of ev'ry exercise is best 

" To string the nerves anew, and ope the narrow chest." 

Roger Bull. 

'5 than avi) oyster-wife,] This phrase was very familiar among 
the writers about Decker's day. Thus in an old tract entitled : Fear- 
ful and lamentable Effects of two dangerous Comets, which shall 
appear in the Year of our Lord, 1591, tha 15 of March : " As I 
'' was finishing this work, an oyster-wife took exception against 
" me, and called me knave, because, meddling with six of the planets, 
" I had forgot Sol under which she was boru ; and, laying down 
" six plaice to twopence, swore by her left leg, that Sunday was the 
" best day in all the week." 

^^ like vaunt-couriers.] Avant-couriers, Fr. The phrase is 
Shakspearean : 



fortifj 



66 



fortifj and make good the uttermost borders of the body ; 
but alsOj as a cunning painter, thy goodly lineaments are 
drawn out in their fairest proportion. 

This lesson being played, turn over a new leaf; and, 
unless that '"Freezeland cur, cold winter, offer to bite 
thee, walk awhile up and down thy chamber, either in 
thy thin shirt only, or else (which, at a bare word, is 
both more decent and more delectable) strip thyself stark 
naked. Are we not born so ? And shall a foolish custom 
make us to break the laws of our creation ? Our first pa- 
rents, so long as they went naked, were suffered to dwell 
in paradise ; but, after they got coats to their backs, they 
were turned out of doors. Put on therefore either no 
apparel at all, or put it on carelessly : for look how much 
more delicate liberty is than bondage ; so much is the 
looseness in wearing of our attire above the imprison- 
ment of being neatly, and tailor-like drest up in it. 
To be ready in our clothes is to be ready for nothing 
else : a man looks as if he be hung in chains, or like a 

'^ You sulphurous and thought-executing fires, 
" Vaunt- couriers to oak-cleaving thundtrbolts." 

K. Leak, A 3, S. 2. 
So in Lady Elizabeth Carew's Mariam, 1613 : 

*' Might to my death but the vaunt-courier prove !" 

^ Freezeland.] For Friesland, to favour the equivoque. 

scarecrow. 



67 



scarecrow. And as ^'those excellent birds, whom Pliny 
could never have the wit to catch in all his springes, com- 
monly called woodcocks, whereof there is great store 
in England, having all their feathers pluckt from their 
backs, and being turned out ^'as naked as Plato's cock 
was before all Diogenes his scholars, or "as the cuckoo in 

« those excellent birds, xehom Pliny, &c.] I fancy Decker means 
but to say, that Plinij, in his whole list of Natural History, has n« 
such animal as the English dolt, or zcoodcock. Indeed none of the 
naturalists of antiquity, that I recollect, mention the real bird, ex- 
cept Aristotle. See a note on (lie term woodcock, in the Procemium, 

^^ as naked as Plato's cock v:as before all Diogenes his scholars.'] 
'' Plato defining man a tzco-footed animal without wings, and this 
" definition being approved; Diogenes took a cock, and, plucking 
'' olf its feathers, turned it into Plato's school, saying, ' this is Plato's 
'■' man :' whereupon to the definition was added, having broad nails." 
Stanley's Ilistorij of Philosophy, Page 285. Fol. 1701, Ed. 3d. 

There is a beautiful print, engraved after Parmegiano, on the sub- 
ject of this story, which is to be found in Diogenes Laertius, from 
whence Stanley copies it. 

*' naked — as the cwc\i.oo in christmus.] This simile is not justified 
by any thing I can find in Dr. Jenner's Natural History of the 
Cuckoo, inserted in the Philosophical Transactions, Vol. 78, Part 2 ; 
or in the writings of any other zoographer. Indeed tte cuckoo is now 
generally allowed to be a migrating bird, and not to winter with us. 
Goldsmith, however, in his Animated Nature, relates a story after 
Willoughby, where account is given of a cuckoo found, during the 

Christmas, 



68 

Christmas, are more fit to come to any knight's boards 
and are indeed more serviceable, than when they are lapt 
in their warm liveries ; even so stands the case with man. 
Trutli, because the bald-pate her father. Time, has no 
hair to cover his head, goes, when she goes best, stark 
naked ; but Falsehood has ever a cloak for the rain. 
You see likewise, that the lion, being the king of beasts ; 
the horse, being the lustiest creature ; "Hhe unicorn, whose 

winter, in an old willow log kept for firewood, that was " brisk and 
" lively, but wholly naked and bare of feathers." 

Decker makes like mention of the cuckoo, in his Honest JVhoj-e, 
Second Part : " My beard being off, how should I look ? Even 
" like a winter cuckoo^ or unfeathered owl." 

2* the unicorn, whose horn is worth half a citi/.'] John Webster, 
in his White Devil, or Vittoria Corombona, A. 2, mentions the 
" precious unicornis horn,'''' to try which, he says, men 
" Make of the powder a preservative circle, 
" And in it put a spider." 

The horn of the unicorn was considered an infallible antidote 
a'^aiust poison : the animal, aware of this quality of its horn, is re- 
ported always to dip it into the water before he drank, in order to 
counteract any thing noxious contained therein ; on which account 
other beasts watched his drinking, that tliey might judge of the purity 
of their beverage. In such estimation was this counter-poison, that 
Andrea Racci, a Florentine physician, relates, it had been sold at 
the apothecaries for £24. sterling per ounce, when the current value 
of the same quantity of gold was worth only f 2, Qs. 3d. Ambrose 
Pare, an eminent French surgeon, who ilourishcd towards the latter 

horn 



69 



horn is worth half a city ; all these go with no more 
clothes on their backs, than what nature hath bestowed 
upon them : '^but jour baboons, and jour jackanapes, being 
the scum and rascalitj of all the hedge-creepers, thej go 
in jerkins and -"mandilions. Marrj how ? Thej are put 
into their rags onlj in mockerj. 

O beware therefore both what jou wear, and how 

(13) joul wear it ; and let this heavenly reason move jou 

never to be handsome ! For, when the sun is arising out 

of his bed^ does not the element seem *'more glorious, 

end of the sixteenth century, exposed the cheat of its quacksalring 
■venders. What the nnicorti's horn was supposed to be, or what sold 
for it, and the real unicorns, as well as the fancied one, are treated 
on largely by Sir Thomas Brown, in his Vulgar Errors, Chapter 23, 
Book 3. 

25 but your baboons, a)id j oar jackanapes."] The original has j/ou 
in both places, evidently a misprint for jfour, which alone can make 
sense by its connexion with ihei/ subsequently. The original, like- 
wise, has babiownes, from the French babion. See Cotgrave's Djc- 
tionary. The old word babion for baboon is also Jonsonian : 

" I am neither your minotaur, nor your centaur, nor your satyr, 
" nor your hygena, nor your iaWoH." 

Cynthia's Revels, A. 1, S. 3. 

®« mandilions.] The mandilion is a short cassock, also a soldier's 
coat. 

-' tnore glorious, being onlif in grajj., than at noon.'] 1 have here 

beine: 



70 



being only in gray^ than at noon, vrhen he is in ^"all his 
bravery ? It were madness to deny it. What man would 
not gladly see a beautiful woman naked^ or at least with 
nothing but a lawn, or some loose thing over her ; and 
even highly lift her up for being so ? Shall we then 
abhor that in ourselves, which we admire and hold to 
be so excellent in others ? Absit. 



ventured upon a slight transposition, to avoid a seeming obscurity. 
The original has : " more glorious than (being only in gray) at noon, 
" &c." 

25 all his bravery.] Finery^ gay apparel. This acceptation of 
the word is very common with the writers of Q. Elizabeth's time. 
No one makes such frequent use of it in the sense of gaiety, gallan- 
try in dress, as Bulwer. See his Anthropemefamorphosis, quoted at 
Pages 7, & 40. 



71 



Cljapter tit. 



'how a gallant should warm himself by the 
fire; how attire himself, descrip- 
tion OF a man's head, the praise 

OF LONG hair. 



wert 
head 



|UT if, as it often happens unless 
the year catch the sweating sick- 
ness, the morning, like charity 
waxing cold, "thrust his frosty fin- 
gers into thy bosom, pinching thee 
black and blue with her nails 
made of ice, like an invisible gob- 
lin ; so that thy teeth, as if thou 
singing ^pricksong, stand- coldly quavering in thy 
and leap up and down like the nimble jacks of 




1 HOW A GALLANT.] In the Qriginal, rou:fa is unnccessarilj 
interpolated before gmllant. 



n 

*a pair of virginals : be then as swift as a whirlwind, and 
^as boisterous in tossing all thy clothes in a rude heap 

^ thrust his frosty fingers itito thy bosom."] This figurative phrase 
belongs also to Shakspeare, and C. Marlowe : 

" And none of you will bid the winter come, 
" To thrust his ici/ fingers in my maw.^' 

King John, A, 5, S. 7. 
" O, I am dull, and the cold hand of sleep 
" Hath thrust his icy fingers in my breast." 

Lust's Dominion. 

3 pricksong.] A song regulated by notes. Hence the commoa 
expression to prick notes, instead of to write them. Pricksong was 
opposed to j)lain-song, the former being written or pricked down, and 
the latter resting more on the will of the singer, being, in fact, a 
species of extempore musick. 

Weber. 

* a pair of rirginals/j Wherever I have seen the word virginal^ 
or virginals occur, it has always been spoken of as one instrument, 
and explained as a smaller sort of spinet. Decker is the first writer 
I have met with, who mentions a pair of virginals. It only proves 
that we have but an imperfect knowledge of the instrument. He again 
speaks of a pair of virginals elsewhere : 

" No, for she's like a. pair of virginals, 
" Always with jacks at her tail," 

Honest Whore, Part 2. 

* as boisterous in tossing all thi/ clothes in a rude heap, Sfc.^ The 
reader may be pleased to see, in the 3d Rule of Dedckind's 1st Chap- 
ter, the original of this little family picture, where the rude inde- 

together : 



73 

together : with which bundle filling thine arm?, step 

corous young man hurries out of his bedchamber with his clothes under 
his arm, to dress by the fireside, because it is cold, to the great an- 
noyance of the decent domestick circle ; it will also exhibit a further, 
and more enlarged specimen of the German poet's manner : 
" Nee reliquis surgens te vestibus indue, nudx 

" Indusium satis est impossuisse cuti. 
*' Sed reliquas geminis vestes complectitor ulnis, 

" Aspera si duro frigore sa;vit hyems : 
*' Scilicet in calido jucundius est hypocausto 

" Induerc, a socvo ne yiolere gelu. 
^' Nee moveat, virgo tcI foemina si sit ibidem, 

" Tu tamen utaris moribus usque tuis. 
" Sique tuis quisquam factis offenditur, ilium 

*' Cernere si talem nolit, abirejubc. 
*' Quisquc tibi cedat, nee tu concesseris ulli, 

" Conditione tua es liber, et esse velis." 

Frid. Dedekindus, Cap. 1. 
" When hunger from the chamber calls you down, 
*' Throw o'er your dowlas shirt a morning-gowa 
*' That huddle on : bear in your arms the rest ', 
<' And, if cold weather or a frost infest, 
" In chimney-corner, at a rousing fire, 
<' With ease and comfort don your whole attire : 
" Fear not the maid's or matron's blush to raise, 
" While inclination shapes your awkward ways. 
*' Say, does the deed some weaker brother grieve, 
*' What he don't like he's very free to leave : 
'' Bid him begone. Disdain the least controul, 
" And stir up all that's brutish in your soul." 

Roger Bull, 

bravelj 



u 



bravely foitb^ crying : '' room^ what a coil keep you about 
the fire ?" The more are set round about it^ the more 
is thy commendation, if thou either bluntly ridest over 
their shoulders, or tumblest aside their stools to creep 
into the chimney-corner : there toast thy body till thy 
scorched skin be speckled all over, being stained with 
more motley colours than are to be seen on the right side 
of the rainbow. 

Neither shall it be fit for the state of thy health to 
put on thy apparel, till, by sitting in that hothouse of the 
chimney, thou feelest the fat dew of thy body, like bast- 
ing, run trickling down thy sides ; for by that means 
thou mayst lawfully boast, that thou livest by the sweat 
(c 3) of thy brows. 

(14) ^As for thy stockings and shoes ; so wear them, that 

all men may point at thee, and make thee famous by that 
glorious name of "a malecontent. Or, if thy quicksilver 

^ a malecontent.] A designation of the amorous malecontent, 
deduced from the wear of stockings and shoes, cannot be given better 
than in the words of Shakspeare ; 

" Then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unhanded, 
" your slccTC unbuttoned, your shoe untied, and every thing about 
" you demonstrating a careless desolation." 

As YOU LIKE IT, A. 3, S. 2. 

So in the anonymous comedy of IJow a Man may chuse a good 
Wife from a bad : 

can 



75 

can run so far on thy errand, as 'to fetch thee boots out 

" I was once like thee, 
*' A sigher, melancholy humourist, 
*' Crosser-of-arms, a goer-Mithout-gartcrs, 
" A hatband-hater, and a busk-point-wcarer." 
But I rather suspect, that Decker alludes to the character as drawn 
by John Marston, in his play of that name, which came out 1604. 
At all events, the malecontent was a marked character, and is thus 
satirized by bishop Hall : 

" What else makes N , when his lands are spent, 

" Go shaking like a threadbare malecontent ; 

" Whose bandless bonnet veils his o'ergrown chin, 

" And sullen rags bewray his morphew'd skin ?" 

ViRGIDEMIARUM, Sut. 3, Book 4. 

If a further elucidation of the malecontent were required, we 
might adduce the following from Haringtou's Prologue to his Meta- 
morphosis of Ajax : 

*' Wherefore, falling to bate with Ulysses, and receiving so foul 
" a disgrace of him to be called fool afore company, and being bound 
" to the peace that he might not fight with so great a counsellor, he 
'' could indure it no longer, but became a perfect malecontent : viz. 
" his hat without a band, his hose without garters, his waist without 
*' a girdle, his boots without spurs, his purse without coin, his head 
" without wit, &c." 

■^ to fetch thee boots out of S. Martin's.] The original says threcj 
not thee ; which has generally been considered a misprint. 

It would appear, from this passage, that St. Martin's (but the 
particular parish so named I will not venture to point out, for there 
are several) was the special abode of bootmakers. And what adds 
weight to the conjecture, is the information of a literary gentleman, 

of 



76 



of S. Martin's ; let it be thy prudence to have the tops of 
them wide as the mouth of a wallet, and those with 
^fringed boot-hose over them to hang down to thy ankles. 
Doves are accounted innocent, and loving creatures ; thou, 
in observing this fashion, ^shalt seem to be a rough- 

who, ia his commonplace-book, finds 57. Martin to have been the 
patron of master shoemakers ; but on what authority he has omitted 
noting : yet he certainly took it, he observes, from one of the many 
anti-papistical works that he had read on the subject of patron saints. 
I have carefully perused the legend of St. Martin, the bishop, whose 
festival we commemorate on the eleventh of November, which is of 
some length ; but I can find nothing therein to authorize his pecu- 
liar protection of gentlemen cordwaincrs. 

8 fringed boot-hose.] According to Stubb's Jnatomi/ of Abuses^ 
as quoted by Strutt, in his Dress and Habits of the People of England, 
Vol. 2, Page 203, these were often a sumptuous article of dress : 
they were made of cloth fine enough for any band, or ruff; and so 
large, that the quantity used would nearly make a shirt : tliey were 
embroidered in gold and silver ; having on them the figures of birds, 
animals, and antiques in various coloured silks : the needle-work 
alone of them would cost from four to ten pounds. 

9 shalt seem to be a rough-footed dove.] Sonic varieties of our 
domestick oenas, pigeon, or stockdove; a species of the genus 
columba; are feathered close down to the foot. Of such varieties 
bird-fanciers enumerate the Dutch cropper ; the trumpeter ; the jaco- 
bine, or jack vulgarly called ; and the Smyrna feather-footed runt. 



footed 



77 



footed do vCj and be held as innocent. Besides, the '"strad- 
dling^ which of necessity so much leather between thy 
legs must put thcc into, will be thought not to grow 
from "thy disease, but from that gentlemanlike habit. 

Having thus apparelled thee from top to toe, accord- 
ing to that simple fashion, which the best goosecaps in 
Europe strive to imitate ; it is now high time for me to 
have a blow at thy head, which I will not cut off with 
sharp documents, but rather set it on faster ; bestowing 
upon it such excellent carving, that, if '*all the wise 

It is to these Decker alludes, com|jarative of the then fashionable boot- 
tops. 

James 1. having one day shoes brought him with roses on them, 
aslced his attendant, if they would make him a I'ough-footed dove ? 
Character of King James, bt/ Sir A (nthony) ?F(eldon) 1650. See 
Phcenix Britannicus, Page 55. 

*** straddling.] The original has strawling, by which I have no 
doubt straddling was meant. Those boots with cumbersome tops, 
which occasioned such straddling, were denominated lugged boots, as 
having large ears. Marston thus notices them : 

" The long fool's coat, the huge slop, the lugg'd boot, 
" From mimick Piso all do claim their root." 

Scourge of Villa'ny, ScU. 11, Books. 

>* thi/ disease.] The disease alluded to is pretty obvious. 

'* all the wise men of Gotham,] " Gotham lies ia the south-west 

men 



men of Gotham should lay their heads together, theif 
jobbernowls should not be able to compare with thine. 

To maintain therefore "that sconce of thine strongly 
guarded;, and in good reparation, never suffer comb to 
fasten his teeth there : let thy hair grow thick and bushy, 
like a forest or some wilderness ; lest those six-footed 
creatures that breed in it, and are tenants to that crown- 
land of thine, be hunted to death by every base barbarous 
barber ; and so that delicate, and tickling pleasure of 
scratching be utterly taken from thee : for the head is a 
house built for reason to dwell in, and thus is the tene- 
ment framed. The two eyes are the glass windows, at 
which light disperses itself into every room, having goodly 

«' angle of Nottinghamshire, and is noted for nothing so much as the 
" story of its wixe men, who attempted to hedge in the cuckoo. At 
" Court-hill, in this parish, there is a bush that still bears the name 
" of the cuckoo-bush ; and there is an ancient book, full of the 
" wonders of the men of Gotham. "Whence a man of Gotham is, in 
" other words, a fool, or shnple fellow.'^ 

Grose's Provincial Glossary, 
See also Ray's remarks on this proverb. 

1* that sconce of ihi7ie.~\ A low word for the head; it fre- 
quently occurs in Shakspcare. 

" I shall break that merry sconce of yours." 

Comedy of Errors, A. 1, S. ^. 
" Must I go shew them my unbarb'd sconce ?" 

CORIOLANUS, A. 3, S. 2. 

: penthouses 



'm 



penthouses of hair to overshadow them : as for the nose; 
though some, most injuriously and improperly, make it 
'*serve for an Indian chimney ; yet surely it is rightly a 
bridge with two arches, under which are neat passages 
to convey as well perfumes to air and sweeten every cham- 
ber, as to carry away all noisome filth that is swept out 
of unclean corners : the cherry lips open, like the '*new- 
painted gates of a lord-mayor's house, to take in pro- 
vision : the tongue is a bell, hanging just under the 
(15) middle of the roof ;1I and, lest it should be rung out too 
deep, as sometimes it is when women have a peal, whereas 
it was cast by the first founder but only to toll softly ; 
there are two even rows of ivory pegs, like pales, set to 
keep it in : the ears arc two musick-rooms, into which as 
well good sounds as bad descend down two narrow pair 
of stairs, that for all the world have crooked windings 
like those that lead to the top of Paul's steeple ; and, 

'* serve for an Indian chimney.] That is, for the use of tobacco^ 
and its fumes. 

'* new-painted gates, &c.} This evidently alludes lo the custom 
of the lord-mayor^ on his election into office, painting and decorating 
his house afresh. A much-noticed, and ancient usage. Witness Ben 
Jonson : 

" Or to praise the cleanliness of the street wherein he dwelt ; or 
" the piOTideut painting of his posts, against he should hare been 
" prictor.^' 

Cynthia's Revels, A. 1, S. 4. 

M because 



80 



because when the tunes are once gotten in^ they should 
not too quickly slip out, all the walls of both places 
are plastered with yellow wax round about them. Now 
as the fairest lodging", though it be furnished with walls, 
chimnies, chambers, and all other parts of architecture, 
yet, if the ceiling be wanting, it stands subject to rain, 
and so consequently to ruin ; so would this goodly palace, 
which we have modelled out unto you, be but a cold 
and bald habitation, were not the top of it rarely covered : 
nature therefore has played the tiler, and given it a most 
curious covering ; or, to speak more properly, she has 
thatched it all over ; '"and that thatching is hair. If then 
thou desirest to reserve that fee-simple of wit, thy head, 

*® and that thatching is hair.] The phrase is Shakspearean : 
" Thatch your poor thin roofs 
•' "With burdens of the dead.^' 

TiMON OF Athens, A. 4, S. 3. 
See Mr. Steevens' note on this passage, wherein he tells you, on 
the authority of Stubbs' Anatomjj of Abuses, that : " About the year 
" 1595, when the fashion became general in England of wearing a 
" greater quantity of hair than was CTCr the produce of a single 
" head, it was dangerous for any child to wander; as nothing was 
" more common than for women to entice such as had fine locks 
" into private places, and there to cut them off." 

Decker employs nearly the same words, in his Saliromastix, where 
Crispinus says : 

" The head is wisdom's house, hair but the thatch.'* 



for 



81 



for thee and the lawful "heirs of thy body ; play neither 
the scurvy part of the '^Frenchman, that plucks up all 
by the roots ; nor that of the ""spending Englishman, who, 
to maintain a paltry warren of unprofitable eonies, ^Mis- 
imparks the stately swift- footed wild deer : but let thine 
receive his full growth, that thou rnayst safely and wisely 
brag 'tis thine own ®'bush natural. 

'' heirs o/ thy ftorfy.] A play on the word hairs is evidently in- 
tended. 

IS Frenchman, that plucks up all by the roots.] Allusion is here 
made to a certain disease, so frequently noticed by Shakspeare for its 
depilatory eifects. 

1^ spending Englishman, &c.] A joke is here intended, which 
I think I can catch ; but perhaps it is one that needs not be enquired 
into. 

20 disimparks.] This Avord had perhaps been more properly writ- 
ten disparks, which is Shakspearean, and is authorized by Barret, 
in his Alvearie, ox Quadruple Dictionary, 1580: 
" Whilst you have fed upon my signories, 
*' Dispark'd my parks, and fell'd my forest woods." 

K. Richard 2, A. 3, S. 1. 

'^ bush natural.] Thus our author, in another place : 

" He has more hair than wit ; 
" Mark you not, in derision how we call 
*' A head grown thick with hair, bush naturalV' 

Satiromastix. 

And 



8t 



And withal consider ; that, as those trees of cobweb 
lawn, woven by spinners the fresh May-mornings, do 
dress the curled heads of the mountains, and adorn the 
swelling bosoms of the valleys ; or, as those snowy fleeces, 
which the naked brier steals from the innocent nib- 
bling sheep, to make himself a warm winter livery, are 
to either of them both an excellent ornament: so make 
thou account, that, to have ^^feathers sticking here and 
there on thy head will embellish, and set thy crown out 
rarely. None dare upbraid thee, that like a beggar thou 
hast lain on straw, or like a travelling pedlar upon musty 
flocks ; for those feathers will rise up as witnesses to 
choak him that says so, and to prove that thy bed was 
of the softest down. 



®2 feathers sticking here and (here on thy head, i^c] Thus the 
original, in the 5th Rule of Chapter 1 : 

" Eximio tibi erit decori, s'l pluma capillis 

" Mixta erit, et laudem providus inde feres. 
" Scilicet hoc homines poteris convincerc signo, 
" Non in stramineo te cubulsse toro." 

Frid. Uedekindus, Cap. 1. 

'' Do thou, my friend, in feathers roll thy crozon ; 
" Let ev'ry hair be whiten'd o'er with down : 
" Thence each spectator this conclusion draws, 
f Thy bed was made of better stuif than straws." 

Roger Bull. 



fWheo 



(16; 



llWhcn your noblest gallants consecrate their hours 
to their mistresses, and to revelling ; they wear feathers 
then chiefly in their hats, being one of the fairest ensigns 
of their bravery : but thou, a reveller, and a mistress- 
server all the year, by wearing feathers in thy hair ; whose 
length before the rigorous edge of any ^'puritanical pair 
of scissors should shorten the breadth of a finger, let 
the three housewifely spinsters of destiny rather curtail 
the thread of thy life. O, no ! Long hair is the only 
net that women spread abroad to entrap men in : and why 
should not men be as far above women in that commodity, 
as they go beyond men in others ? The merry Greeks 
were called Kaprjxo/^'owvTEj (long-haired.) Lose not thou, being 
an honest Trojan, that honour ; sithence it will more 
fairly become thee. Grass is the hair of the earth, which, 
so long as it is suffered to grow, it becomes the wearer. 



^ puritanical pair of scissors.] Short hair was one of the dis- 
tinctive marks of the puritan. I think Ben Jonson somewhere 
notices this with much humour. See one of the seven plays attributed 
to Shakspeare, entitled the Piiritcm. In this passage our author 
proves again faithful to his original ; witness the 6th Rule ; 
" Sint capitis crines longi, nee forcipe tonsi, 
" Caesaries humcros tangat ut alta tuos." 

Frid. Dedekindus, Cap. 1. 

*' Be sure thy hairs, uncut and unconfin'd, 
" With loose disorder wanton in the wind." 

Roger Bull. 

and 



and carries a most pleasing colour ; but when the sun- 
burnt clown ^*makes his mows at itj and like a barber 
shaves it off to the stumps ; then it withers^ and is good 
for nothing but to be trussed up and ^Hhrown amongst 
jades. How uglj is a bald pate ! It looks like a face 
wanting a nose, or -''like ground eaten bare with the arrows 

2* malces his mows at it.'] If of were substituted for at^ a far 
better and more obvious sense Avould be then made ; moics implying 
tnozcings, i. e. of /taj/, commonly termed hay-mows ; and I cannot 
but suspect that such sense the author intended. As it stands, derision 
is implied : to make mows at any thing is to despise it ; a Scotticism. 

2* thrown amongst jades] Horses. The Avord jade was formerly 
by no means a term derogatory to the qualities of a horse, we are 
told, as at present. Thus in a comedy of John Ford's : 
" Like high. fed J«Je* upon a tilting day, 
*' In antique trappings." 

The Lover's Melancholy, A. 2, S. 2. 

26 like ground eaten bare with the arrows of archers.] The pub- 
lick butts were in general so thronged with archers, particularly at 
holiday times, that the ground round each butt was most probably 
raked up in such manner, by the very arrows which missed it, as 
never to suffer the grass to grow there. In the same way we see many 
a former publick green spot, in and about our provincial cities, made 
bare, during these martial times, by the tread of exercising soldiery. 

Archery was formerly highly cultivated by the English, and laid 
great stress upon in our army : the battles of Cressy, Poictiers, and 
Agincourt were won by the English archers. An act passed in Edw. 4. 



of 



85 



of archers : whereas a head all hid in hair gives even fo 
a most wicked face a sweet proportion, and looks like *'a 
meadow newly married to the spring ; which beauty in 
men the Turks envying, they no sooner lay hold on a 

that butts should be erected in every township, where the inhabitants 
were obliged to shoot up and down on feast days, or forfeit a half- 
penny for every omission. Several statutes were made to promote 
arc/icrj/, in Hen. 8. and Eliz. which were strictly enforced through- 
out Jam, 1. till Char. 2. who was himself an archer: Wood's Bote, 
matins Glory, or Archery revived, 1682, was dedicated to him : he 
issued a commission to the lord-mayor, and certain of his privy-council, 
to prevent the fields near London being so inclosed, as " to interrupt 
" the necessary, and profitable exercise of shooting." So late as 
1753, targets were erected in Finsbury Fields, during the Easter and 
Whitsun holidays, for shooting at with the long bow. 

I ought not here to omit making honourable mention of Roger 
Ascham's much esteemed Treatise on Archery, dedicated to Henry 8. 
which had a reprint some few years since, when our disturbed situa- 
tion seemed to render the establishment of Toxophilite associations 
adviseable. 

*^ a meadow newly married to the spring. 1 Decker might here 
have had in view that beautiful poem attributed to Catullus, the Per- 
vigilium Veneris, He, however, evidently alludes to the custom of 
brides going to the altar v/'iih Jiowing locks : Ann Boleyn so wore her 
hair, we are informed, at her marriage with Henry 8. John Webster 
thus refers to the fashion : 

" Come come, my lord, untie your folded thoughts, 
" And let them dangle loose, as a bride^s hair," 

White Devil, ov Vittobia Corombona, A. 3. 

christian^ 



christian^ but the first mark they set upon him^ to make 
him know he is a slave, is to shave off all his hair close 
to the scull. A Mahommedan cruelty therefore is it -*to 
stuff breeches and tennis-balls with that, which, when 'tis 
once lost, all the ^^hare-hunters in the world may sweat 
their hearts out, and yet hardly catch it again. 

^"You then, to whom chastity has given an heir ap- 

*^ to stuff breeches.~\ This stuffing out of the clothes, then so 
much in vogue, was called bombast ing ; and hence bombast is meta- 
phorically applied to an inflated style in writing. Stuffing, or bombast^ 
was sometimes of hair, often of cotton : Gerard indeed calls the 
cotton plant, the bombast tree. Bombagia in Italian means all kinds 
of cotton wool ; hence our English stuff named bombasine. See Mr. 
Steevens' note on the word, in Shakspeare's Henry 4, Part 1, A. 2, 
S. 4. Our author, in his Honest Whore, Part 2, says : " Is this 
" satin doublet to be bombasted with broken meat r" 

-^ hare-hunters.] Hair-hunters. An equiyoque. 

^^ Voii then, to whom chastity, &c.] The joke intended in this 
passage turns upon a hacknied pun on the words heir and hair. 
" You, who, by not incurring a certain disease, and consequently by 
" maintaining your chasiiti/, have an apparently good head of hair, 
" take care that /t«2r be apparent; make it »isible to all, by letting 
" it flow on your shoulders." The impropriety of men wearing long 
hair was largely descanted on some years after by W. Prynne, in his 
Histriomasiix, 1633. See also his Unloveliness of Love-locks, and 
long womanish Hair, 1028; likewise his Gag for long-haired Rattle- 
heads, 1646. 

parent. 



87 



parent, take order tliat it may be apparent ; and, to that 
purpose, let it play openly with the lascivious wind, even 
on the top of your shoulders. Experience cries out in 
every city, that those selfsame critical saturnists, whose 
hair is shorter than their eyebrows, take a pride to have 
their hoary beards hang slavering like a dozen of fox-tails 
down so low as their middle. But, alas, why should the 
chins and lips of old men lick up that excrement, which 
they violently clip away from the heads of young men ? 
^jf-i Is Hit because those long besoms, their beards, with sweep- 
ing the soft bosoms of their beautiful young wives, may 
tickle their tender breasts, and make some amends for 
their masters' unrecoverable dulness ? No, no ! There 
hangs more at the ends of those long grey hairs, than all 
the world can come to the knowledge of. Certain I am, 
that, when none but the golden age went current upon 
earth, it was higher treason to clip hair, than to clip 
money; the comb, and scissors were condemned to the 
currying of hackneys : he was disfranchised for ever, that 
did but put on a barber's apron, Man, woman, and child 
wore then hair longer than a lawsuit : every head, when 
it stood bare or uncovered, looked ^'like a butter-box's 

*' like a butter-box's noul^ having its thrum'd cap ow.] Manifestly 
a comparison to the woollen caps worn by Dutchmen, who were ludi- 
crously called butter-boxes, from their traffick in salted butter. These 
caps had rude threads or thrums, resembling hair. Shakspeare men- 
tions a hat made of such coarse material, belonging to the fat woman 

If noul. 



8S 

fioul, having his thrum'd cap on. It was free for all 
nations to have shaggy pates, as it is now ^'only for the 
Irishman. But since this polling, and shaving world crept 
up ; locks were locked up, and hair fell to decay. Revive 
thou therefore the old, buried fashion ; and, in scorn of 
periwigs and sheepshearing, keep thou that quilted head- 
piece on continually. ^^Long hair will make thee look 



of Brentford : " And there's her thriim^d hat, and her muffler too." 
Merry Wives of Windsor, A. 4, S. 2. The term butter-box^ for 
Dutchman, occurs in Middleton and Decker's Roaring Girl, where 
Jack Dapper says to Tear-Cat, who answers in broken Dutch : " Thou 
" look'st like a strange creature, a fat butter-box, yet speak'st English. 
" What art thou?" 

3- only for the Irishman.] I remember to hare seen a print of an 
Irishman, in Q. Elizabeth's time, which represents his head as that 
of a supposed wild man. The vulgar notion respecting the Irish, in 
those days, was that they were actual savages ; but habits of civili- 
zation, and friendly intercourse, have now developped to us their 
real character, and worth. Such however as may be curious respecting 
the uncivilized inhabitants of Ireland, called wood-karne, in Decker's 
day, should refer themselves to Spenser's State of Ireland; and 
Derricke's Image of Ireland, a curious poem, published 1581, 12mo. 
now reprinted in I^ord Somers' Tracts, edited by Walter Scott, Vol. 
1. These wood-karne went with glibbed heads, or wearing long bushy 
hair hanging over their eyes, disguising them, and serving as a fit 
mask for a villain. 

3* Long hair, lVc] This would seem copied from Heliodorus, 
who, In that beautiful archetype of romance, his Theagenes and 

dreadfully 



89 



dreadfully to thine enemies, and manly to thy friends : it 
is, in peace, an ornarjpcnt ; in war, a strong helmet : it 
blunts the edge of a sword, and deads the leaden thump of 
a bullet ; in winter, it is a warm nightcap ; in summer, 
**a cooling fan of feathers. 

Chariclea, Book 2, says : *' Long liair renders the lover more graceful, 
" and the marauder more terrific." To acquire such appearance, the 
Spartans, we are informed, nourished a length of hair. 

3* a cooling fan of feathers.] Fans were chiefly framed o( feathers, 
in Decker's time. Mr. Malone has a curious note to the Merry Wives 
of Windsor on this appendage to dress, and gives some sketches of 
different kinds. See h\s Shakspeare, Vol, I, Page 231. Allusion is 
also made to the Avhitcncss of such a fan, in Romeo andJuliet, A. 2, 
S. 4 : 

^^ Nurse. My fan, Peter ! 

" Mercutio. Prithee do, good Peter^ to hide her face; for her 
" fan's the fairer of the two." 

The handle of the fan was often very costly; being of gold, silver, 
ivory, and often studded with jewels. Edward Sharpman's comedy 
of the Fleire mentions " a fan with a short silver handle." 

It may be here observed that superb fan-handles frequently occur 
in the lists of presents made to Q. Elizabeth by her nobility, on a 
new-year's-day. 

Even the petit-maitres of Decker's time adopted the effeminate 
fashion of carrying &fan of feathers, as is recorded in Greene's Fare- 
well to Folly, 1617. Shakspeare alludes to it : 



90 

" Leave these remnants 
" Of fool, and feather, that they got in France." 

K. Henry 8, A. 1, S, 3. 
And Hall, describing a fashionable gallant, says : 

" When a, plum'dfan may shade thy chalked face, 
" And lawny strips thy naked bosom grace." 

VlRGIDEMIARUM, Sut. 4, Book 4. 

By the way, this is the earliest mention I recollect to have seen 
made of what we now call the frill, or chitterling of the shirt. 



91 



Ci)apter i\). 



how a gallant should behave himself in 
Paul's walks. 



EING weary with sailing up and 
down alongst these shores of 'Bar- 
baria^ here let us cast our anchor ; 
and nimbly leap to land in our 
coasts^ whose fresh air shall be so 
much the more pleasing to us^ if 
the ninnyhammer, whose perfection 
we labour to set forth,, have so 
much foolish wit left him as to chuse the place where to 
suck in : for that true humorous gallant that desires 
to pour himself into all fashions^ if his ambition be such 




' Barbaria.] A pun, as usual. The subject of barbers, and their 
function of hair-cutting, is here alluded to. 

to 



92 

to excel even complement itself, must as well practise to 
diminish his walks, as to be -various in his salads, curious 
in his tobacco, or ingenious in the ^trussing up of a new 
(D) (18) Scotch IT hose; all which virtues are excellent, and able 
to maintain him ; especially if the old wormeaten farmer, 
his father, be dead, and left him five hundred a year ; only 

' various in fiis salads.] It was the fashion formerly, for such 
as professed good-cating to be very dainty respecting their salads. 
And it should be understood, that the salads of that day differed 
•widely from those of the present, both in their ingredients and em- 
ploy. They were eaten first at meals most frequently, and were 
composed of such things as provoked the appetite. Witness the fol- 
lowing portion of Ben Jonson's 101st Epigram, Inviting a Friend to 
Supper : 

" It is the fair acceptance, sir, creates 
" The entertainment perfect, not the cates : 
" Yet shall you have, to rectify your palate, 
" An oliTc, capers, or some better salad 
<' Ush'ring the mutton." 

• trussing up ef a nezc Scotch hose.] Or plaid hose, which were 
once much in fashion. The cross.gartering of the hose, that gave 
them their plaid appearance, was an art in dressing the gallant strove 
to excel in. Trussing, I believe, meant the tying of the tags to- 
gether which united the doublet and hose ; the former sustaining the 
latter: we have retained the word untruss to express the letting down 
of the small-clothes, though they be now kept up by buttoning, not 
\)y trussing. Thus Shakspeare : 

<' Marry, this Claudio is condemn'd for untrussing." 

Measure foe Measube, A. 3, S. 2. 

to 



93 



to keep an *lrisli hobby, an Irish horseboy, and himself 
like a gentleman. He therefore that would strive to 
fashion his legs to his silk stockings, and his proud gate 
to his *broad garters, let him whiff' down (liese observations: 
for, if he once get to walk by the book, and I see no 
reason but he may, as well as "^fight by the book, Paul's 
may be proud of him ; ^Will Clarke shall ring forth en- 

* Irish hobby, and Irish horseboy.] These, it would seem, were 
necessary appendages to the fashionable gallant. 

* broad garters.] Such as might display the embroidery on them. 
Garters, being then wora outwards, were often ostentatious orna- 
ments of dress. Fennor, in The Compter^s Commonisealth^ 16l7, 
Page 32, speaks of gallants, who wore " silk stockings and gold- 
" fringed garter s, or russet boots and gilt spurs." 

® fight by the book] The character of Tybalt, as drawn in 
Shakspeare's Romeo and Juliet, A. 2, S. 4, will explain this. So like- 
wise will Touchstone, in As you like it, A. 5, S. 4, who says : " O 
" sir, we quarrel in print, by the book ; as you hare books for good 
" manners." The particular book alluded to, Mr. Malone observes, 
is a ridiculous treatise of one Vincentio Saviolo, entitled Of Honour, 
and honourable Quarrels, 4to. 1394. The rules, by which a gentlemaa 
ought to quarrel and fight, were rendered systematical in those days. 
Ben Jonson, and other writers satirize this folly. 

' Will Clarke.] Some notorious news-writer, probably, or such 
similar character of the day. 



comiumg 



94 

comiums in his honour ; ^John in Paul's churchyard shall 
fit his head for an excellent block ; whilst all the inns of 
court rejoice to behold his most handsome calf. 

^Your mediterranean isle is then the onlj gallery, 
wherein, the pictures of all vour true '"fashionate and com- 
plemental Gulls are, and ought to be hung up. Into 
that gallery carry your neat body ; but take heed you 
pick out such an hour, when the main shoal of "islanders 

^ John in Paul's churchyard, &c.] No doubt a celebrated hatter^ 
there living. The word block is frequently used for a hat, and the 
fashion of a. hat : the Spanish would seem to have been very gene- 
ral in Decker's day, from the following anecdote : " James the first 
" was in his apparel so constant, as by his good-will he would never 
" change his clothes until worn out to very rags ; his fashion never j 
*' insomuch, as one bringing to him a hat of a Spanish blacky he cast 
" it from him, swearing he neither loved them, nor their fashions." 
>S'/r A. JVeldon's Character of James 1. 

® 1/our mediterranean isle.] Or middle isle of St. Paul's church, 
which, being the largest, was of course the most publick and thronged. 

"• fashionate, and complemental."] Words designedly fantastical. 
It would seem that the latter here implies comjilete, perfectly ac- 
coutered. 

" islanders ] A pun ; intending those persons who walk in the 
isles, or aisles of the cathedral. The same occurs above, " mcditcr- 
" ranean isle," for the middle isle, aisle, nave, or body of the 
church. 

are 



95 



are swimming up and down. And first observe yotir doors 
of entrance, and jour exit ; not niucii unlike the players 
at the theatres ; keeping your decorums, even in phan- 
tasticality. As for example : if you prove to be a nor- 
thern gentleman, I would wish you to pass through the 
north door, more often especially than any of the other; 
and so, according to your countries, take note of your 
entrances. 

Now for your venturing into the walk. Be circum- 
spect, and wary what pillar you come in at ; and take 
heed in any case, as you love the reputation of your 
honour, that you avoid '-the serving-man's log, and ap- 
proach not within five fathom of that pillar ; but bend 
your course directly in the middle line, that the whole 
body of the church may appear to be yours ; where^ ia 
view of all, you may publish your suit in what manner you 

*^ the servlng-man's log.] This, I should imagine, was the ren- 
dezvous of gossiping servants, who kept apart from the gentry, and 
seated themselves, for rest and convenience, on a block or bench 
affixed to some particular pillar. The following passage, from Jasper 
Mayne, would seem to favour such conjecture: 
" Newcut. Indeed, they say, 

" He was a monument of Paul's. 
" Timothy. Yes, he was there, 

" As constant as Duke Humphrey. I can shew 
" The prints where he sate, holes i' th' fo^s," 

City Match, A. 3, S. S. 

o affect 



96 



affect most, either with the slide of your cloak from the 
one shoulder ; and then jou must, as 'twere in anger, sud- 
denly snatch at the middle of the inside, if it be taffeta 
at the least ; and so by that means your costly lining is 
betrayed, or else by the pretty advantage of compliment. 
But one note by the way do I especially woo you to, the 
neglect of which makes many of our gallants cheap and 
ordinary, that by no means you be seen above four turns ; 
but in the fifth make yourself away, either in some of 
(19) lithe semsters' shops, the new tobacco-office, or amongst 
the booksellers, where, if you cannot read, exercise your 
smoke, and inquire who has writ against "this divine 
weed, &c. For this withdrawing yourself a little will 
much benefit your suit, which else, by too long walking, 
would be stale to the whole spectators : but howsoever if 
'*Paurs jacks be once up with their elbows, and quarrelling 

" this divine ueed.'\ Thus Ben Jonson, in a similar strain : 
" Bohadil. Sir, believe me, upon my relation ; for what I tell 
" you, the world shall not reprove. I have been in the Indies, 
" (where this herb grows) where neither myself, nor a dozen gentle- 
'"' men more of my knowledge, have received the taste of any other 
" nutriment in the world, for the space of one and twenty weeks, 
" but the fume of this simple only. Therefore, it cannot be, but 
" 'tis most divine.'" 

Every Man in his Humour, A. 3, S. 5. 

" Paul's jacks] Most churches, and market-houses formerly 
had automatons to strike the hour, as at the present time St. Dunstan's 
church in Fleet-Street has ; the cant term for which was Jacks o' ih' 

to 



97 



to strike eleven ; as soon as ever the clock has parted them, 
and ended the fray with his hammer_, let not the Duke's gal- 
lery contain you any longer, but pass away apace in open 
view; in which departure, if by chance you eilher encoun- 
ter, or aloof off throw your inquisitive eye upon any knight 
or squire, being your familiar^ salute him not by his name 
of Sir such a one, or so ; but call him Ned, or Jack, &c. 
This will set oft' your estimation with great men : and if, 
though there be a dozen companies between you, 'tis 
the better, he call aloud to you, for that is most genteel, 
to know where he shall find you at two o'clock; tell him 
at such an ordinary, or such ; and be sure to name those 
that are dearest, and whither none but your gallants resort. 
After dinner you may appear again, having translated 
yourself out of your English cloth cloak into a light 
Turkey grogram, if you have that happiness of shifting ; 
and then be seen, for a turn or two, to correct your teeth 
with some quill or silver instrument, and to cleanse your 

clock-house I jack being a contemptuous word for a servile menial. 
Consult Cowley's Discourse on the Government of Oliver Cromzccll, 
in his works, Vol. 2, Page 650, Ed. 1710. See also Malonc's notes 
to Shakspeare's Richards, A. 4, S, 2. Edward Sharpman, in bis 
comedy, thus mentions such an image : 

" Their tongues are, like a jack o' th'' clock, still in labour." 

The Fleire. 



gums 



98 



gums with "a wrought handkerchief: '^it skills not \^'hether 
you dined^ or no ; that is best known to your stomach ; 
or in what place you dined ; though it were with cheese, 
of your own mother's making, in your chamber, or 
study. 

Now if you chance to be a gallant "not much crost 
among citizens ; that is, a gallant in the mercer's books, 
exalted for satins and velvets ; if you be not so much 
blest to be crost ; (as I hold it the greatest blessing in 
the world '*to be great in no man's books) your Paul's 



'* a wrought handkerchief.] The habit of Mcaring curiously 
tzrought handkerchiefs, which prevailed in our author's day, was 
derived from the East, where it was customary for both sexes to 
carry them. Sir John Chardin informs us, that they were embroi- 
dered by young women, being an elegant amusement, as presents to 
their relatives, and favoured lovers. So wrought, and " spotted with 
" strawberries," was the fatal handkerchief, Othello's first gift to 
Desdemona. 

'* it skills not.'\ It mafters not. A Shakspearcan phrase : 
*' It skills not greatly who impugns our doom." 

Henry fi, Part 2, A. 3, S. 1. 

1'' not much crost.] Not crost out of tradesmen's books, but 
much indebted. 

IS to be great in no man^s books.'] See a note to Chapter 1, Page 
37. 

walk 



99 



walk is your only refuge : "the Duke's tomb is a sanctuary ; 
and will keep you alive from worms^ and land-rats, that 
long to be feeding on your carcass : there you may spend 
your legs in winter a whole afternoon ; converse, plot, 
laugh, and talk any thing ; jest at your creditor, even to 
his face ; and in the evening, even by lamp-light, steal 
out ; and so cozen a whole covey of abominable catch- 
(D) (20) polls. UNevcr be seen to mount the steps into the quire, 
but upon a high festival day, to prefer the fashion of your 
doublet ; and especially if the singing-boys seem to take 
note of you ; for they are able to buzz your praises above 
their anthems, if their voices have not lost their maiden- 
heads : but be sure your ^"silver spurs dog your heels, and 

'3 the Duke's tomb is a sanctuarij.~\ The tomb of Duke Humphrey 
is of course intended, or rather that of Sir Guy Beauchamp, Earl of 
Warwiclc ; which the ignorant vulgar long fancied to be the sepul- 
chre of the good Humphrey, Duke of Gloucester, who was actually 
buried at St. Alban's, Hertfordshire. 

I do not believe this tomb had more privileges for creditors than 
any other part of the church ; but persons, I will suppose, stood there 
longer, to examine it with veneration, than elsewhere; which con- 
sequently detained them in the church some time, and afforded an 
opportunity, or seeming good excuse for loitering there, to escape 
the suspected quest of bailiffs. It might lead to some certain adjoin- 
ing privileged spot, or indeed it might be peculiarly such in itself. 

^ silver spurs dog your heels.'\ Stick close, i. e. Do not take off 
your spurs, that you may, from seeming inadvertence, pay the forfeit 
for keeping them on. 

then 



100 

then the boys will swarm about jou "'like so many white 
butterflies ; when jou in the open quire shall draw forth 
a perfumed embroidered purse, the glorious sight of which 
will entice many countrymen from their devotion to won- 
dering : and ^-quoit silver into the boys' hands, that it 
may be heard above the first lesson, although it be read 
in a voice as big as one of the great organs. 

This noble and notable act being performed, you are 
to vanish presently out of the quire, and to appear again 
in the walk : but in any wise be not observed to tread 
there long alone ; for fear you be suspected to be a gal- 
lant cashiered from the society of captains, and fighters. 

Suck this humour up especially. Put off to none, 
unless his hatband be of a newer fashion than yours, and 
three degrees quainter ; but for him that wears ^^a trebled 
Cyprus about his hat, though he were an alderman's son, 
never move to him : for he is suspected to be worse than a 

21 like so many white butterflies.] By reason of their white surplices. 

22 quoit silvei' inlo the boys'' hands,'] Toss, throw. It had long 
been the custom, and it prevails even at this day, for the choristers, 
on seeing a person enter the cathedral, during divine service, with 
spurs on, to demand of him what is called spur-money, 

23 a trebled Cyprus about his hat] The original has a'pers. A 
transparent kind of stuff, worn, generally in pretty large quantity, 
by way of hatband. 

Gull, 



101 



Gull, and not worth the putting ofF to, that cannot observe 
the time of his hatband, nor know ^*what fashioned block 
is most kin to his head : for, in my opinion, the brain 
that cannot chuse his felt well, being the head ornament, 
must needs pour folly into all the rest of the members, 
and be an absolute confirmed fool in summd lolali. 

All the diseased horses in a tedious siege cannot shew 
so many "fashions, as are to be seen for nothing, every 
day, in '"Duke Humphrey's walk. If therefore you deter- 
mine to enter into a new suit, warn your tailor to attend 
you in Paul's, who, with his hat in his hand, shall like 
a spy discover the stuff, colour, and fashion of any doublet, 
or hose that dare be seen there ; and, stepping behind a 
pillar to fill his tablebooks with those notes^ will presently 

'* ulmt fashioned block.] A word of frequent use by old writers, 
not only for the mould on wliich a hat is framed, but for the hat 
itself. See a foregoing note, Page 94. 

" fashions.] See a note to Chapter 1, Page 42. 

26 Duke Humphrey's walk.] One of the isles of St. Paul's church, 
probably that where his supposed tomb stood, and where the dinner- 
less affected to loiter, was so called. In allusion to which, thus 
William Rowley, in his comedy, A Match at Midnight, A. 2, S. 1 ; 
" Are they none of Duke Humphreys furies? Do you think that 
« they devised this plot in Paul's, to get a dinner ?" See also Jasper 
Mayne's Cit^/ Match, A. 3, S. 3. And Earle's Mkrocosmograph^j 
Chap. 41, Paul's Walk; Ed. 1811. 

send 



102 



send you info the world an accomplished man ; by which 
means you shall wear your clothes in print with the first 
fsi) edition. H But if fortune favour you so much as to make 
you no more than a mere country gentleman, or but some 
three degrees removed from him^ (for which I should be 
very sorry, because your London experience will cost you 
dear before you shall have the wit to know what you are) 
then take this lesson along with you : the first time that 
you venture into Paul's, pass through the body of the 
church like a porter, yet presume not to fetch so much as 
one whole turn in the middle isle, no nor to cast an eye to 
^''Si quis door, pasted and plastered up with serving-men's 

27 Si quls f/oor.] Where publick placards, or the affiches of the 
day, were posted. Si quis has been defined : "A paper set up in some 
" open place to proclaim any thing lost." Perhaps being con- 
spicuously prefaced with a Si quis invenerit. The Si quis had a more 
particular reference to ecclesiastical matters. A candidate for holy 
orders was obliged to have his intention proclaimed, being, I believe, 
hung up in the church, perhaps at the Si quis door; and if, after a 
certain time, no objection was made, a paper termed a Si quis, signed 
by the church-warden, was presented to the bishop for ordination. 
The following passage from Hall points out where the Si quis door 
then stood : 

<' Saw'st thou ever Si quis patched on Paul's church door, 

" To seek some vacant vicarage before ? 

" Who wants a churchman that can service say, 

" Read fast and fair his monthly homily, 



supplications. 



103 



supplications, before you have paid tribute to the top of 
Paul's steeple with a single penny ; and, when you are 
mounted there, take heed how you look down into the 
yard, -"^for the rails are as rotten as your great-grandfather ; 
and thereupon it will not be an)iss if you inquire how '^Kit 

" And wed, and bury, and make christian souls ; 
" Come to the left-side ulley of Saint Paul's." 

VlUGIDEMIARUM, Sut. 5, Book 2. 

®^ for the rails are as rotten, &c.] This passage plainly CTinccs the 
then ruinous condition of St. Paul's cathedral, which, as it would seem, 
had only a wooden railing round its top, where once stood a noble 
tower, and a spire that was totally burnt down, being struck with 
lightning, as was indeed some part of the body of the church, July 
4, 1561. So dilapidated had l)ecome this beautiful Gothick structure, 
for such we are told it was, in 1620, that king James took into serious 
consideration its due repair, which however was not begun upoa 
till 1633. Afterwards the great fire of London, in 1660, destroyed 
it entirely ; in consequence of which arose perfect, in 1708, the pre- 
sent noble pile of Grecian architecture, begun and completed by 
Sir Christopher Wren ; a name for ever dear to genius, and to com- 
miseration : in science none surpassed him ; and none bore unmerited 
degradation in later life with such meekness, and good temper. 

The decayed state of iSV. PauVs railing is again ludicrously men- 
tioned by Decker, in his Satiromastix, where Sir Rees ap Vaughan 
tells Horace: " Your muse leans upon nothing but fdthij rotten rails, 
" such as stand on Paul's head.'' 

'" Kit Woodroffe.] Who this adventurous vaulter was I have 

p Woodroffe 



104 

Woodroffe durst vault over, and what reason he had foi* 
it, to put his neck in hazard of reparations : from hence 
you may descend, to talk about '"the horse that went up ; 

iiever been able to discover, although I hare taken some pains to 
do so. John Stow does not notice him in his Newspapers, alias 
Annals. He might, for aught I know, have been the tutor of the 
celebrated William Stokes, who, in 1641, published his Art of 
Vaulling, to which is prefixed a rare print by Glover, 

30 the horse that went up.'] This was a feat of Bankes's celebrated 
horse, Marocco, mentioned as the dancing horse, in Lovers Labour 
lost, A. 1, S. 2. See the notes of Sliakspeare's commentators thereon. 
Sir Kenelm Digby records this sagacious animal. Both the horse and 
his keeper were burnt at Rome, as exercising magick. One Holden, 
much about the same time, exhibited a wonderful ca?«e^. John Taylor, 
the water-poet, records both : 

" Old Holden's camel, or fine Bankes his cm<." 

A Cast over the Water, to William Fennor. 

An elephant, a bullock with two tails, and a Jiddling friar, com- 
pleted this then popular posse, according to bishop Hall, mentioning 
the genteel acquirements of a farmer's son, who had visited London, 
and witnessed these wonders : 

******* 

*' More than who vies his pence to view some trick 
" Of strange Marocco''s, dumb arithmetick, 
*' Or the young elephant, or tzoo-taiVd steer, 
" Or the rigg'd camel, or the Jiddling frere." 

ViUGiDEJiiAnuM, Sat. 2, Book 4. 

Decker, in the preface to his Wonderful Year, again mentioni 
Bankes his curtail : 

and 



105 



and strive^ if you can^ to know liis keeper ; take the day of 
the month, and the number of the steps ; and suffer your- 
self to believe verily that it was not a horse, but something 
else in the likeness of one : which wonders you may 
publish, when you return into the country, to the great 
amazement of all farmers' daughters, that will almost 
swoon at the report, and never recover till their bans be 
asked twice in the church. 

But I have not left you yet. Before you come down 
again, I would desire you to draw your knife, and grave 
your name, or, for want of a name, the mark which you 
clap on your sheep, in great characters upon the leads, 
by a number of your brethren, both citizens and country 
gentlemen : and so you shall be sure to have your name 
lie in a coffin of lead, when yourself shall be wrapt in a 
windingsheet : and indeed the top of Paul's contains more 
names than Stow's Chronicle. These lofty tricks being 
played ; and you, thanks to your feet, being safely arrived 
at the stairs' foot again ; your next worthy work is to 
repair to ^^my lord Chancellor's tomb ; and, if you cau 

*' These are those rank-riders of art, that have so spur-galled your 
" lusty-winged Pegasus, that now he begins to be out of flesh ; and, 
" even only for provender's sake, is glad to shew tricks like Bankes 
*' his curtail." 

^* mt/ lord Chancellor's lot7ib.'] That of Sir Christopher Halion, 
I suppose, is alluded to ; where, upon a mouument fixed at a pillar 

but 



106 

but reasonably spell, bestow some time upon the reading 
of "Sir Philip Sidney's brief epitaph ; in the compass of an 
hour you may make shift to stumble it out. The great 
,D3)(92; dial is your last monument : there f bestow some half of 
the threescore minutes, to observe the sauciness of the 
jacks that are above the man in the moon there ; the 
strangeness of the motion will quit your labour. Besides, 
vou may here have fit occasion to discover your watch, 

by the tomb, was a pretty long record of this favourite of fortune, 
to amuse the lounging gallant : it was near Sir Philip Sidney's monu- 
ment. See Stow's ^nwa/5, Page 303, & 365. Edit. 1C33. 

33 Sir Philip Sidney's brief epitaph.] Which is the following, 
and copied, we may observe, from a French epigram by Isaac du 
Bellay on the Sieur de Bonnivet: 

" England, Netherlaud, the heavens, and the arts, 
" The soldier, and the world have made six parts 
" Of the noble Sidney, for none will suppose, 
" That a small heap of stones can Sidney enclose : 
" His body hath England, for she it bred, 
*' Netherlands his blood in her defence shed, 
" The heavens have his soul, the arts have his fame, 
" All soldiers the grief, the world his good name." 
The grave of this illustrious, and admired character for years 
remained without any written record; although Kiog James had 
himself composed an epitaph for it, both in English, and in Latin. 
At length the above was painted on a board only, and hung to au 
adjacent pillar, near a similar tablet there placed in memory of his 
father-in-law, Sir Francis Walsingham ; who was buried in St. Paul's, 
1590, four years after Sir Philip. 

bj 



107 



by taking it forth^ and setting the wheels to the time of 
Paul's ; which, I assure you, goes truer by five notes than 

S. Sepulchre's chlrncs. The benefit that will arise from 
hence is this, that you publish your ^^charge in maintain- 
ing a gilded clock ; and withal the world shall know that 
you are ^*a timeplcaser. By this I imagine you have walked 
your bellyful ; and thereupon being weary, or, which 
rather I believe, being most gentlemanlike hungry, it is 
fit that I brought you into the Duke ; so because he fol- 
lows the fashion of great men, ^*in keeping no house, and 

^^ charge in maintamitig a gilded clock.] The original has change^ 
which I strongly suspect to be a misprint for charge, and haTe 
therefore adopted the word accordingly. A zzatch was often called a 
clock. By the way, clocks and matches were not very general, till 
full twenty years after Decker wrote this tract. 

^* a timeplcaser.] The expression is Shakspearean : 
" The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing constantly but a 
" limepleaser." 

TwELFTII-NlGUT, A. 2, S. 3. 

3* in keeping no house.] This is meant as a sneer on the titled 
great of that day, who, to be enabled to spend money at court, re- 
linquished ancient domestick hospitality, and eat at taverns and 
ordinaries. The same thing obtains at present in noble and honoura- 
ble families, who give up their palaces and mansions, to spend one 
half of the year at watering-places, and the other half in London. 
Nay, some went so far as to suffer themselves to be confined in the 
Fleei prison, to avoid keeping house. Witness an old satirist : 

that 



108 



that therefore you must go seek your dinner ; suffer me 
to take you by the hand^ and lead you into an ordinary. 

' It's good be wary, whilst the sun shines clear : ' 
" Quoth that old chuff, that may dispend by year 
" Three thousand pound ; whilst he of good pretence 
" Commits himself to Fleet, to save expence. 
" No country's Christmas : rather tarry here, 
^' The Fleet is cheap, the country hall too dear." 

Marston's Scourge of Villany^ Sat. 3, Book J, 
And thus our author, speaking of the Gull-groper, (or money- 
monger) in his English Villanies, (^c. 1638 : "He comes to an 
*' ordinary to save charges of housekeeping.^^ 



109 



C{)apter \). 



'HOW A GALLANT SHOULD BEHAVE HIMSELF IN 
AN ORDINARY. 



IRST, having diligently enquired 
out an ordinary of the largest 
reckonings whither most of your 
courtly gallants do resort^ let it be 
your use to repair thither -some 
half hour after eleven ; for then 
you shall find most of your fashion- 
mongers planted in the room wait- 
ing for meat. Ride thither upon your 'Galloway nag, or 




^ BOW A GALLANT.] In the Original, rovNa is unnecessarily 
interpolated before gallant. 

' some half hour after eleven.] According to Holingshed, eleven 

your 



no 

your Spanish jennet, a swift ambling pace, in your hose?, 
and doublet, *gilt rapier and poignard bestowed in their 
places, and your French lackey carrying your cloak, and 
running before you ; or rather in a coach, for that will 
both hide you from the basilisk eyes of your creditors^ 
and outrun *a whole kennel of bitter- mouthed sergeants. 

in the forenoon was the usual dinner hour, in the earlier part of 
Q. Elizabeth's reign; but in that of K. James 1. it would seem 
somewhat later. That eleven was the hour at which persons looked 
for their dinners^ in Decker's day, is again evident, from the fol- 
lowing passage, in his English Fillanies, Sfc. 1638 : " To cherish 
" his young and tender muse, he gives him four or six angels ; inviting 
" him either to stay breakfast, or, if the sundial of the house points 
" towards eleven, then to tarry dinner.^' 

^ Galloway nag, or your Spanish Jennet.l The Irish hobby, and 
horseboy have been before noticed. Here it would seem that the 
Scotch or Spanish steed, and subsequently the French footman, were 
alike fashionable. 

♦ gilt rapier and poignard.] The poignard knife, or dagger^ 
always constituted a part of the gentleman's dress. The rapier, or 
common small sword, was by law restricted to a certain length, iu 
consequence of your gallants having worn it ridiculously and of- 
fensively long : Hollingshed mentions the circumstance. 

* a zchole kennel of bitter-mouthed seTgca.nts.2 ^^ A sergeant, or 
" catchpoll,'^ says Earic, in his Microcosmographij, " respites you 
" in no place but a tavern, where he sells his minutes dearer than a 
" clockmaker." 

Beings 



Ill 



Being arrived in the room, salute not any but those 
of your acquaintance : walk up and down by the rest as 
scornfully, and as carelessly as a gentleman-usher : select 
some friend, having first thrown off your cloak, to walk 
up and down the room with you ; let him be suited, if 
you can, worse by far than yourself; he will be a foil 
'^^^ to you ; and this will be a means to publish your llclothes 
better than Paul's, a tennis-court, or a playhouse : dis- 
course as loud as you can, no matter to what purpose ; if 
you but make a noise, and laugh in fashion, and have 
^a good sour face to promise quarrelling, you shall be 
much observed. 

If you be a soldier, talk how often you have been in 
action ; as the Portugal voyage, the *CaIes voyage, the 

6 a good sour face to promise quarrelling."] One of the humours 
of Decker's day was that of being a quai'relsome fellow, by which 
many thought they obtained the reputation of great soldiers. No 
humour is more frequently satirized. Beaumont and Fletcher ridicule 
this folly, in their Little French Lawyer. 

' Portugal voyage.] This, 1 presume, has a reference to the ex- 
pedition against Portugal, 1589, in favour of the pretender Don 
Antonio, prior of Crato ; it was commanded by Sir Francis Drake, 
and Sir John Norris ; nearly 20000 volunteers enlisted. In their 
way thither, hearing of the preparations made at Corunna for the 
invasion of England, they entered that port, destroyed the Spanish 
fleet, and defeated an army of about 5000 men; then, being joined 

Q Island 



112 



^Island voyage ; besides some eight or nine employments 
in Ireland, and the Low Countries : then you may dis- 
course how honourably your Grave used you ; (observe 
that you call ^°your Grave Maurice "^'your Grave") how 



by the Earl of Essex, they proceeded towards Lisbon, and landed at 
Panlche twelve leagues from it, but without accomplishing their 
designs on Lisbon. The expedition, in its return home, burnt Vigo, 
and ravaged the country round it, 

* Calcs voyage.] This alludes to the expedition against Cadiz, 
under the Earl of Essex, and Sir Walter Ralegh, in 1596 ; when they 
burnt the Indian fleet in that harbour amounting to forty sail, and 
carried away vast wealth. The best account of this expedition may 
be found in Hakluyt's Collection of Vojjages : it was written by Dr. 
Mardeck, who was an adventurer in it; a circumstance not generally 
known. 

^ Island voyage.] A familiar name given to the expedition against 
Ilispaniola, in 1585, commanded by Sir Francis Drake, who, with 
twenty-one ships carrying 2000 volunteers, got possession of the 
capital, Saint Domingo. Ben Jonson notices this, and the Cules 
voyage, in his Epicwne, A. 1, S. 4 : "I had as fair a gold jerkin 
" on that day, (says La-Foole) as any worn at the Island Voyage^ 
" or at Cadiz." It was the fashion for young adventurers to go 
upon these expeditions with much finery. 

1" your Grave Maurice.] Alluding to prince Maurice of Nassau, 
under whom our gallant might have been thought to serve in the 
Low Countries. This great general, after gaining many victories 
over the Spaniards, is said to have fallen a prey to grief by reason 

often 



113 

often you have drunk with Count such a one, and such 
a Count on your knees to your Grave's health ; and let it 
be your virtue to give place neither to "S. Kynock, nor 
to any Dutchman whatsoever in the seventeen provinces, 
for that soldiers complement of drinking. And, if you 
perceive that the untravelled company about you take 
this down well, ply them with more such stuff, as ; how 
^ou have interpreted between the French king and a great 
lord of Barbary, when they have been drinking healths 
together : and that will be an excellent occasion to pub- 
lish your languages, if you have them ; if not, get some 
fragments of French, or small parcels of Italian, to fling 

of the siege of Breda, which surrendered to the Marquis of Spinola, 
Jul}' 1, 1625, after a siege of nearly eleven months: the hardships 
which the besieged suffered, and the dearness of provisions at the 
time are almost incredible. Grave implies governour : a Landgrave 
governs a country, a Burghgrave a (own, a Palsgrave a palace. 

" S. Kynock.] Who this personage was I cannot ascertain, 
whether saint or soldier; perhaps the former, and the patron of 
topers, who were as much entitled to a saint, as thieves and other 
vagabonds, that formerly had theirs. Yet he would seem, from what 
follows, "that soldier's complement of drinking," to have been 
military. A learned friend conjectures Kynock to be a misprint 
for Ry nock ; and fancies the word constituted of Ri/n, Rhine, and 
Hock, the wine so called. Beloe, indeed, copying the chapter, in 
his Anecdotes of Literature. Vol. 2, Page 139, writes this name 
Ri/nock. 

about 



114 



about the table : but beware how you speak an}- Latin 
there ; your ordinary most commonly hath no more to do 
with '-Latin, than a desperate town of garrison hath. 

If you be a courtier, discourse of the "obtaining of 
suits ; of your mistress's favours, &c. Make inquiry, if 
any gentleman at board have any suit, to get which he 
would use the good means of a great man's interest with 
the king: and withal, if you have not so much grace 
left in you as to blush, that you are, thanks to your stars, 
in mighty credit ; though in your own conscience you 
know, and are guilty to yourself, that you dare not, but 
only upon the privileges of handsome clothes, presume 
to peep into the presence. Demand if there be any gen^ 
tleman, whom any there is acquainted with, that is 

1* Latin, than a desperate town of garrison hafh.j Tliis woul(J 
appear to have a reference to some political circumstances of foreign 
negociation at that time, which I must confess myself unacquainted 
with. Or, it may simply imply : " that a garrison, so desperately 
" situated as to surrender at discretion, needs no Latin (in which 
" language all treaties were then usually made) to specify its terms." 

>^ obtaining of suits.] Dr. Warburton, in his notes on Shakspeare, 
observes ; that a court solicitation was called simply a suit, and a 
process a suit at law. 

" Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, 
" And then dreams be of smelling out a sitit.''^ 

Romeo and Juliet, A. 1, S. 4. 

troubled 



115 



"troubled with two offices ; or any vicar with two church- 
livings ; which will politickly insinuate, that jour inquiry 
after them is because you have good means to obtain 
them. Yea ; and, rather than your tongue should not be 

" troubled uith two oflices ; &c.] This alludes to the prohi- 
bition by Jaw to hold two benefices, or two lay offices together, with- 
out a dispensation ; and such dispensation was not so easily obtained 
formerly, as now. Our gallant therefore is directed to affect having 
the means of procuring persons this dispensation, from his intimacy 
with the great. See Burn's Ecclesiastical Lais. Livings obtained 
by such simoniacal arrangements, as allowing the patron an annual 
stipend out of them, were called gilded vicarages. See Marston's 
Scourge of Villany, Sat. 3, Book 1, and Sat. 5, Book 2. The pre- 
tended purchase of a horse at some extraordinary price was another 
mode of obtaining ecclesiastical pluralities. An anecdote to this 
purport is related of Sir Anthony St. Leger, in Ilollingshed's Chronicle 
of Ireland; and the following epigram is fully in point: 
" Pure Lalus got a benefice of late, 
" Without offence of people, church, or state. 
" Yea ; but ask Echo, how he did come by it ? — 
" Come buy it— 'No ; with oaths he will deny it : 
" He nothing gave direct, or indirectly. — 
" Fie, Lalus ! now you tell us a direct lie. — 
" Did not your patron for an hundred pound 
" Sell you a horse was neither young, nor sound ; 

" No turk, no courser, barbary, nor jennet ? 

" Simony ! no, but I see money in it. 

" Well, if it were but so, the case Is clear • 
" The benefice was cheap, the horse was dear." 

Sir John Harington's Epigkams, Ep. 39, Book 4. 

heard 



116 



(24) heard in the room^ but that jou should sit like fan ass 
with your finger in your mouthy and speak nothing ; 
discourse how often this lady hath sent her coach for 
yoUj and how often you have sweat in the tennis-court 
with that great lord ; for indeed the '^sweating together 
in France^ I mean the society of tennis, is a great ar- 
gument of most dear affection, even between noblemen 
and peasants. 

If you be a poet, and come into the ordinary ; though 
it can be no great glory to be an ordinary poet ; order 
yourself thus. Observe no man ; doff not cap to that 
gentleman to day at dinner, to whom, not two night's 
since, you were beholden for a supper ; but, after a turn 
or two in the room, take occasion, pulling out your gloves, 
to have some epigram, or satire, or sonnet fastened in 
one of them, that may, as it were '''voraitingly to 30U, 

** sweating together in France, &c.] Meaning, in the tennis- 
court ; a part of the court, if I mistake not, was formerly called 
France. I think I have met with the expression in some of our 
early writers, though I cannot immediately refer to it. This furnishes 
many an allusion to be found among the old playwrights. 

1^ vomitingly.] That is, as it were, spezi:ed out of your glove ; 
tumbling out of it confusedly, and disorderly. Gloves were in former 
times made with large tops, so as to contain a billet or letter ; such 
was the military glove J and such even at this day are the gloves of 



offer 



117 



ofter itself to the gentlemen ; they will presently desire 
it ; butj without much "conjuration from them, and a 
pretty kind of counterfeit loathness in yourself; do not 
read it; and, though it be none of your own, swear you 
made it. Marry, if you chance to get into your hands 
any witty thing of another man's that is somewhat 
better ; I would counsel you then, if demand be made 
who composed it, you may say : " Faith, a learned gen- 
" tleman, a very worthy friend." And this seeming to 
lay it on another man will be counted either modesty in 
you, or a sign that you are not ambitious of praise ; or 
else that you dare not take it upon you, for fear of the 
sharpness it carries with it. Besides, ^*it will add much 

judges, sheriffs, and some other publick functionaries, carried by 
them pro forma. There are not wanting references to this in old 
writers. 

" conjuration.] The original has comuration; which, I have no 
doubt, is a misprint for conjuration, conjuremenf, or eiitreaty. The 
ni might, in a carelessly written M. S. be mistaken for vi ; and the i 
was Tery frequently put for j. 

*^ it will add much to your fame^ i^-c.] The attention paid to 
poets at publick tables may be aptly illustrated, by the story of a 
maidservant shewing Sir John Harington, at an ordinary, more at- 
tention than the other guests his superiors in rank. The maid, bein<T 
asked why she did so, artlessly said : " It was because she feared he 
" would put her in verse, if she neglected him." Account of Sir 
John Harington prefixed to his Nuga Antiqiue. 

to 



118 



to jour fame to let your tongue walk faster than your teeth, 
though you be never so hungry ; and, rather than you 
should sit like a dumb coxcomb, to repeat by heart either 
some verses of your own, or of any other man's, stretch- 
ing even very good lines upon the rack of censure; 
though it be against all law, honesty, or conscience ; it 
may chance save you the price of your ordinary, and beget 
you other supplements. Marry ; I would further entreat 
our poet to '"be in league with the mistress of the ordi- 
nary; because from her, upon condition that he will 
but rhyme knights and young gentlemen to her house, 
and maintain the table in good fooling, he may easily 
make up his mouth at her cost, gratis. 

Thus much for particular men. But in general let 

^"all that are in ordinary pay march after the sound of 

) these directions. Before 1 the meat come smoking to 

the board, our gallant must draw out his tobacco-box, 

^^ he in league with the mistress of the ordinary.'] That ordinaries 
had such their decoyducks, is evident from Laxton's speech, on Jack 
Dapper proposing Parker's ordinary, in the Roaring Girl, by Mid- 
dleton and Decker : 

" He's a good guest to them, he deserves his board : 
" He draws all the gentl«men in a term thither." 

*" all that are in ordinary pay.] All who pai/ at the ordinary. 
The arrangement of the words in the text is adapted to the joke that 
attends them. 

the 



119 

*'the ladle for the cold snuff into the nostril, the tongs 
and prining-iron ; all which artillery may be of gold 
or silver^ if he can reach to the price of it ; it will be 
a reasonable useful pawn at all times, when the current 
of his money falls out to run low. And here you must 
observe to know in what state ^"tobacco is in town, better 
than the merchants ; and to discourse of the apothecaries 

2> the ladle for the cold siiuff into the nostril, the tongs and 
prining-iron.] The Scotch mull, or snccching mill, with a spoon, 
and hare's-foot appended by chains, the one for applying snufF to the 
nose, and the other for wiping the upper lip, is of no very distant 
date. I well remember to have seen the actor Baddeley come upon 
the stage with such an apparatus, as Gibby, in the W'jnder, when 
Garrick played Don Felix, and Mrs. Barry (since Mrs. Crawford) 
Donna Violante. 

The tortgs and prining-iron, were, I will presume, implements 
for the use of the hot tobacco, in contradistinction to the cold snuff ; 
our gallant being supposed both smoker and snuffer ; the former might 
apply a live coal to his pipe ; or, being small, might serve to clcaa 
the pipe, previous to a fresh charge, without injuring the fingers. 
The prining-iron, I should conceive, was in fact a tobacco-stopper, 
which must have been coeval with the use of tobacco : to prine or 
proin, is to trim, dress, or adjust; hence our word prune, a terra of 
falconry, applied to the hawk when he smooths his feathers. 

^- tobacco — the apothecaries uhere it is to be sold.'] That apothe^ 
caries sold tobacco is evident, from Middleton and Decker's Roaring 
Girl, where Laxton says to master Gallipot : " Have you any good 
" pudding tobacco, iir ?" 

R where 



120 

where it is to be sold ; and to be able ^^to speak of their 
wines, as readily as the apothecary himself reading the 
barbarous hand of a doctor : then let him shew his several 
tricks in taking it, -*as the whiff, the ring, &c. for these 
are complements that gain gentlemen no mean respect ; 
and for which indeed they are more worthily noted, I 
ensure you, than for any skill that they have in learn- 
ing. 

When you are set down to dinner, you must eat as 
impudently as can be, for that is most gentlemanlike : 

-^ to speak of their wines, as readily as the apothecary himself. '\ 
Wine was formerly vended in the shops of apothecaries. Indeed 
vintners sold no other wines than red and white claret, till 1543, the 
33d of Hen. 8. The sweet wines, and all others, were till then kept 
only at ihe apothecary'' s, for compounding of medicines. See Taylor's 
Life of Thomas Parr, 4to. 1635. Among the sweet wines was the 
so celebrated sack, which, when first sold at taverns, cost but from 
six to eight pence the quart. See a note of Malone's in the Appendix 
to his Shakspeare, Vol. 10, Page 630. 

^* as the whiff, the ring, &c.] These several airs and graces, 
which distinguished the petit-maitre snuff-taker of that day, are noticed 
by Ben Jonson, as well as by many other cotemporary writers. In 
the Dramatis Personu: of Every Man out of his Humour, Sogliardo 
is described as " one who comes up every term, to learn to take 
" tobacco, and see new motions." Jonson by motions might imply 
puppet-bhoics, and similar exhibitions, which was a name they went 
by, as well as the Jiourishes of snuff-taking. 

when 



121 

°*when your knight is upon liis stewed mutton, be you 
presently, though you be but a captain, in the bosom of 
your goose ; and, when your justice of peace is knuckle- 
deep in goose, you may, without disparagement to your 
blood, though you have a lady to your mother, fall very 
manfully to your woodcocks. 

*®You may rise in dinner-time to ask for a closetool. 



25 when your knight is upon his stewed mutton, &c.] This pas- 
sage shows that the same order was then observed in serving the meats 
at table, as is observed nowadays ; butchers' meat, poultry, game, 
&c. Woodcocks were indeed so much the customary game served up 
at ordinaries, that to be at your woodcocks implied being at the con- 
clusion of your meal. Witness our author, in another place : 

" And, when we were in our woodcocks, sweet rogue, a brace of 
" gulls, dwelling here in the city, came in, and paid all the shot." 

Honest Whore, S. 9. 

26 You may rise in dinner-time, S(c.'] Offensive as the practice 
here alluded to must be thought at present, it prevailed formerly even 
among persons of rank, and has prevailed on the continent within 
these rery few years. In that excellent Chronicle of Richard 3. 
attributed to the worthy Sir Thomas More, and copied, I believe, 
from Hardynge, we are told, that Richard devised with Tyrrel about 
the private murder of his nephews, while sitting on a draught; " a fit 
" carpet for so foul a counsel." See Sir John Harington's Metamorj^ho- 
sis of Jjax (a. Jakes) 1596. But indeed interviews in such situations 
were common among the Romans ; as we may infer from Martial, 
Epig. 44, Lib. 3 : 



protesting 



122 



protesting to all the gentlemen that it costs you an hun- 
dred pounds a year in phjsick, besides the annual pension 
which your wife allows her doctor ; and, if you please, 
you may, ^'^as your great French lord doth, invite some 
special friend of yours from the table to hold discourse 
with you as you sit in that withdrawing-chamber ; from 
whence being returned again to the board; you shall 
sharpen the wits of all the eating gallants about you, and 
do them great pleasure to ask what pamphlets or poems a 
man might think fittest to wipe his tail with ; (Marry ; 
this talk will be somewhat foul, if you carry not a strong 
perfume about you) and, in propounding this question, 
**you may abuse the works of any man ; deprave his 

*' Et stanti legis, ct legis scJenti, 

" Current! legis, et legis cacanti.^' 
And let us here remark, that Sir J. Ilarington is to be considered 
as the inyentor of that cleanly comfort the water-closet ; which gave 
rise to his witty little tract above mentioned, wherein he humourously 
recommends the same to Q. Elizabeth ; and for which, by the way, he 
was banished her court- 

^'' as your great French lord drjth.'\ The following quotation, 
in addition to the foregoing note, will be a sufficient comment: 

" Anon we will discourse of the rest; in the meantime myself will 
*' go, perhaps, to the house wc talk of; though manners would I 
" offered you the French courlesj/, to go with me to the place." 

Sir J. IIarington's Metamorphosis of Jjax. 

^ you may abuse the works of any man; (^-c] I shrewdly sus- 

writings 



123 



writings that you cannot equal ; and purchase to yourself 
in time the terrible name of a severe critick ; nay, and be 
®'one of the college, if you will be liberal enough, and, 
when your turn comes, pay for their suppers. 

(E)(26) ^ After dinner, every man as his business leads him, 
some to dice, some to drabs, some to plays, some to take 
up friends in the court, some to take up money in the 
city, ^"some to lend testers in Paul's, others to borrow 

pect, that some allusion is here intended to Ben Jonson ; he and 
Decker, at the time the present tract was penned, entertained the 
strongest animosity towards each other. 

^^ one of the college.] Our author would seem to allude to the 
establishment mentioned by Ben Jonson, in his Epiccene, A. 1, S. 1 : 

" A new foundation of ladies, that call themselves the collegiates, 

" an order between courtiers, and country-madams, that live from 
" their husbands, and give entertainments to all the wits, and bra- 
" veries o' th' time." This college has a strong affinity with those 
female coteries, which, some thirty or forty years ago, were so cele- 
brated in highly fashionable society. Or he might refer to some 
critick club then of great notoriety ; the same perhaps John Marston 
alludes to, in the Induction to his Malcontent : " Nay, truly, I am 
*' no great censurer, and yet I might have been one of the college of 
*' criticks once." 

'" some to lend testers in Paul's, others to borrow, &c.] '' The 
*' wealthy go to turn what they have to advantage, the needy to pro. 
*' cure money." That petty and usurious traffick in money, so 

crowns 



124 



crowns upon the Exchange : and thus, as the people is 
said to be ^'a beast of many heads^ yet all those heads 
like hydras'^ ever growing, as various in their horns as 
wondrous in their budding and branching ; so, in an 
ordinary, you shall find the variety of a whole kingdom 
in a few apes of the kingdom. 

You must not swear in your dicing; for that argues 

publickly carried on, when Decker wrote, is unknown at the present 
time, business of every kind was then as much transacted in St. 
Paul's church, as upon the Exchange : that money was lent there, is 
evident, from a passage in an uncommonly rare and curious book: 
(of ancient orthography) A manifest Detection of the most vile 
and detestable Use of Dice-plai/, and other Practices like the same, 
Sfc. Printed by Abraham Vele. 8vo. black letter ; without date, 
but probably about 1556. The speaker is supposed to be in Paul's: 
" Had all promises been kept, I should ere this hour have seen a 
**■ good piece of money told here upon the font ; and as many in- 
" dentures, obligations, and other wiitings sealed as cost me twice 
" forty shillings for the drawing, and counsel." 

^^ a beast of many heads.] This phrase, expressive of the people, 
\% Shakspearean : 

" Come leave your tears ; a brief farewell ; — the beast 
" With many heads butts me aw.ay." 

CoRIOLANUS, A. 4, S. 1. 
But originally it is Horatian. The poet, addressing the Roman 
people, says : 

" Bellua muUorum es capilum.^' 

HoR. EpisL 1, Lib. 1. 

a 



125 



a violent impatience to depart from your money, and in 
time will betray a man's need. Take heed of it. No ; 
^Vhether you be at primcro, or hazard, you shall sit 
as patiently, though you lose a \vholc half-year's ''exhibi- 
tion, as a disarmed gentleman does when he is in the 
unmerciful fingers of sergeants. Marry ; I will allow 
you to sweat privately, and tear six or seven score ^pair 
of cards, be the damnation of some dozen or twenty ^^bale 

^^ whether yeu be at primero, or hazard.] Priinero was one of 
the most fashionable games, at that period, upoa the cards. See 
Shakspeare's Merry Wives of Windsor, A. 4, S, 5 ; and Henry 8, 
A. 5, S. 1. See also its explanation in Minshieu's Dictionary, 1617: 
" Primero and Primavista, two games on cards, primum et primum 
" visum, that is, Jirst and first seen ; because he that can shew 
" such an order of cards wins the game." Hazard is still unfortu- 
nately too much in vogue to require any explanation. 

^^ exhibition.] This word is now restricted to imply a certain 
allowance^ made to young scholars at the universities on particular 
foundations. It once meant generally a person's income. 

3* pair of cards."] This was the old appellation for a pack, or 
deck of cards. Thus Thomas Heywood : 

" A pair of cards, Nicholas, and a carpet to cover the table. 
*' Where is Cicely, with her counters and her box ?" 

A Woman killed with Kindness. 

" bale of dice.] A pack, set, j)air. Thus Ben Jonson : 
" For exercise of arms, a bale of dice." 

New Inn, A. 1, S, 3. 
And thus the old poet laureat, Skelton : 

of 



126 



of dice, and forswear play a thousand times in an hour ; 
but not swear. Dice yourself into your shirt ; and, if 
you have a beard that your friend will lend but an 
angel upon, ^^shave it off, and pawn that, ^'rather than 
go home blind to your lodging. Further it is to be 
remembered ; he that is a great gamester may be trusted 



" What lo, man, see here a bale of dice!" 

BoucE AT Court. 

'^ shave it off, and pawn that.] To stuff breeches, and tennis- 
balls. Sec a note to Chapter 3, Page 86. 

A similar application of the beard is sportively alluded to by 
Shakspeare : 

" And your beards deserve not so honourable a grave, as to stuff 
" botcher's cushions, or to be entombed in an ass's packsaddle." 

CORIOLANUS, A. 2, S. 1. 

^'' rather than go home blind.] The meaning I suppose to be, 
" rather than not have wherewithal to pay a boy xaith a lantern to light 
" you home." To be so lighted home from the tavern, and the theatre, 
was customary. The anecdote of our great Shakspeare having once 
been, though not a linkboy, yet a something alike servile, is well 
known ; he was said to have held gentlemen's horses for them during 
the performauce of plays. Mr. Malone, however, observes that 
this story stands on a very slender foundation, that of Gibber's Lives 
of the Poets, a book known to have been really written by Mr. 
Shiells; Gibber, when in the King's-Beuch prison, having received 
ten guineas for affixing his name to ic. 



for 



127 



for a quarter's board at all times ; ^^and apparel provided, 
if need be. 

At your twelvepcnny ordinary, you may give any 
justice of peace, or young; knight, if he sit but ^'^one 
degree towards the equinoctial of the saltcellar, leave to 

*8 and apparel provided.] It seems to haye been customary, ia 
those days, for the lavernkecper not only to feed, but sometimes to 
clothe his inmate, and even furnish him with pocket-money, in case 
of gentlemanly necessity. Shakspeare's FalstaflF was so befriended 
by his hostess, who tells him : " I bought you a dozen of shirts to 

" your back. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for 

" your diet, and, for drinkings and money lent you, four and twenty 
" pound." 

Henry 4, Part 1, A. 3, S. 3. 

^ one degree towards the equinoctial of the saltcellar.] To under- 
stand this, let it be remembered, that formerly the saltcellar (generally 
a large superb silver vessel) stood in the middle of the table : guests 
of superior rank always sate above it, towards the head of the table ; 
those of inferior rank below it, towards the bottom. Decker again 
alludes to this, in his Honest Whore, S. 5 : " Plague him ; set 
" him beneath the salt ; and let him not touch a bit, till every one 
" has had his full cut." Massinger mentions it : 

" He believes it is the reason 
" You ne'er presume to sit above the salt.^' 

Unnatural Combat, A. 3, S. 1. 
Ben Jonson also refers to it, in his Cjjnthia's Revels, A. 2, S. 2, 
where Mercury describes Anaides as a coxcomb, who " never drinks 
" below the salt." Indeed many writers of the same era notice it. 
The custom exists even now at some publick tables. 

8 pay 



128 



pay for the wine ; and he shall not refuse it, though it 
be a week before the receiving of his quarter's rent, which 
is a time albeit of good hope, jet of present neces- 
sity. 

There is another ordinary, to which your London 
usurer, your stale batchelor, and your thrifty attorney do 
resort ; the price three pence ; the rooms as full of com- 
pany as a jail ; and indeed divided into several wards, 
like the beds of an hospital. The compliment between these 
is not much, their words few ; for *"the belly hath no ears : 
every man's eye here is upon the other man's trencher ; to 
note whether his fellow lurch him, or no : if they chance to 
(^27; discourse,it is of nothing but of statutes, Ibonds, recogni- 
zances, fines, recoveries, audits, rents, subsidies, sureties, in- 
closurcs, liveries, inditements, outlawries, feoffments, judg- 
ments, commissions, bankrupts, amercements, and of such 
horrible matter ; that when a lieutenant dines with his 
punk in the next room, he thinks verily the men are con- 
juring. I can find nothing at this ordinary worthy the 

<" the belly hath no ears.] A vulgar adage taken literally from 
the Greek, Vocsrri} ovksx^' wt«. Venter non habet aures. The French 
too say : Ventre affame n' a point d'oretUes. Cato is reported to have 
bfgun a speech against the Agrarian law, by remarking : " It is a 
" bold undertaking to attempt to argue with the bellj/, for it has n» 
" ears.'' Seneca, Ejiisf. 21, Lib. 3, has: " Venter praecepta noQ 
" accidit ; poscit, appellat." 

sitting 



129 

sitting down for ; therefore the cloth shall be taken away ; 
and those, that are thought good enough to be guests here, 
shall be too base to be waiters at jour grand ordinary ; at 
ivhich your gallant tastes *'these commodities; he shall 
fare well, enjoy good company, receive all the news ere 
the post can deliver his packet, be perfect where the best 
bawdyhouses stand, proclaim his good clothes, know this 
man to drink well, that to feed grossly, the other to swag- 
ger roughly ; he shall, if he be minded to travel, put out 
money upon his return, and have hands enoug-h to receive 
it upon any terms of repayment ; and no question, if he 
be poor, he shall now and then light upon some Gull or 
other **whom he may skelder, after the genteel fashion, 
of money. By this time the parings of fruit, and cheese 
are in the voider ; cards, and dice lie stinking in the fire ; 
the guests are all up ; the gilt *'rapiers ready to be hang- 

«' these commodities.] If the word viz. or numeli/, were inserted 
after commodities, it would greatly facilitate the sense, which is now- 
subject to misinterpretation. 

♦* whom he may skelder — of money.'] Cheat, defraud. The word 
is frequently used by old authors. It occurs four or five times in 
Ben Jonson's Poetaster. Thus, in A. 3, S. 4, of that play: " A man 
" may sAcWer ye now and then of half a dozen shillings, or so." 
And again elsewhere : 

" His profession is skeldering, and odling." 

Etery Man out of his Humour, Dram. Pers.- — Shift. 

*3 rapiers ready to he hanged.] That is, piii on; the gallants 

ed ; 



130 



ed ; the French lackey^ and Irish footboy shrugging at 
the doors, with their masters' hobby-horses, to ride to 
the new play : that is the rendezvous : thither they are 
galloped "in post. Let us take a pair of oars, and "now 
lustily after them. 



having unhung them, or taken them off^ for convenience and freedonij 
while at dinner. 

** in post.] A gallicism, en paste ; that is, posthaste. 

** now.] Substituting the word row for nozD would much 
assist the sense ; and indeed I doubt if that was not the word in- 
tended. Beloe, quoting this chapter, in his Anecdotes of Literalui'Cy 
Vol. 2, Page 146, has row. 



131 



Cijapter U. 



HOW A GALLANT SHOULD BEHAVE HIMSELF IN 
A PLAYHOUSE. 



HE theatre is your poets' Royal Ex- 
change, upon which their muses, 
that are now turned to merchants, 
meeting, barter away that light 
commodity of words for a lighter 
ware than words ; plaudites, and 
'the breath of the great beast ; 
which, like the threatnings of two 
cowards, vanish all into air. ^Players and their factors. 




' the breath of the great beast.] The people^ who, in the pre- 
ceding chapter, are called a beast of many heads. 

• Players and their factors, «&c.] If the word To were inserted 

who 



13^ 

who put away the stuff, and make the best of it they pos- 
(F 2) (28; sibly can^ as indeed 'tis their parts so to do^ H your gal- 
lantj your courtier, and your captain had wont to be the 
soundest paymasters ; and, I think, are still the surest 
chapmen: and these, by means that their heads are well 
stocked, Meal upon this comical freight by the gross ; 
when *your groundling, and gallery-commoner *buys his 

before plaijerSf I think a betlcr sense might be made of this passage; 
factors then implying playzcrighfs, who manufacture, or put uiaay the 
muses' matter or stuff. But, without the insertion of To, if are 
were substituted for and, perhaps a still preferable sense might be 
had ; making players the factors of the muses, as they utter to the 
publick what the muses inspire. In which case, " your gallant" 
should begin a fresh sentence. And I am the more inclined to this 
emendation, as Decker, in the preface to his Wondeiful Year, alike 
calls booksellers factors to the liberal sciences, vending what they 
produce: " O you booksellers, that arc factors to the liberal sciences, 
*' over whose stalls, &c.'' Yet so long as any sense can be made out 
of the original text, it ought to be kept inviolate ; I therefore leave 
it as it is, though very obscure. 

^ deal upon this comical ft^eight by the gross ; &c.] They vent thi^it 
remarks and quotations from the play largely, and, so dealing by the 
gross, spread the actor's and author's reputation wide ; while the 
penny-gallcry-commoner, from inability, can deal the same out but 
scantily, and therefore little benefit actor or author. 

* your groundling.] A word of contempt ; meaning one who 
stands in the pit, which thea had no seats, as indeed is now the case 

sport 



133 



sport by the pqnny ; and, like a hagler, is glad to utter 
it again by retailing, 

Sithence then the place is so free in entertainment, 
allowing a stool as well to the farmer's son as to your 
templar; that your stinkard has the selfsame liberty to 
be there in his tobacco-fumes, which your sweet courtier 
hath ; and that your carman and tinker claim as strong a 
voice in their suftVage, and sit to give judgment on the 
play's life and death, as well as the proudest Momus 
among the tribes of criticks : it is fit that he, whom 
the most tailors' bills do make room for, when he 
comes, should not be basely, like a viol, cased up in a 
corner. 

Whether therefore the gatherers of the publick, or 
^private playhouse stand to receive the afternoon's rent ; 

io the French theatres. Ben Jonson, in the Induction to his Bartho- 
lomew Fair, calls such " the understanding gentlemen o' the ground.'" 
And thus Shakspeare : 

• " To split the ears of groundlings." 

Hamlet, A. 3, S. 2. 

' bui/s his sport by the penny.] In Decker's day, the price of ad- 
mission to the galleries, or scaffolds as they are sometimes called, 
alike with the pit, was, at some of the inferior playhouses, one penny 
only ; at those of higher reputation, sixpence. See Malone's Shaks- 
peare, "Vol. 1, Part 2, Page 60. 

let 



134 

let our gallant, having paid it, presently advance himself 
up to the throne of the stage ; I mean not into the 'lords' 

^ private playhouse.] At the period our author wrote, which is 
nearly that of Shakspeare, it would seem there were seven prin- 
cipal theatres, three of which were called private, viz. that ia Black- 
friars near to the present Apothecaries' Hall, where Playhouse Yard 
still exists ; that in Salisbury Court, Whitefriars ; and the Cockpit, 
or Phoenix, in Drury-Lane. There had been some other petty 
theatres open ; but, at the date of this tract, they were either shut 
up, or had fallen into such disrepute as not to be enumerated. Some 
writers have erroneously stated, that seventeen playhouses were open 
at one time in London ; but this arose from Stow's contiauator say- 
ing, that, between the years 1570, and 1630, seventeen had been 
built ; among which are included inns so converted. It has been 
ridiculously affirmed, that twenty-three were open, all at one time, 
in London. Of the distinguishing marks of private playhouses, we 
only know that they were smaller than others; and that the repre- 
sentations were usually by candlelight, whereas in the publick they 
were by day. Our author, in his Seven deadly Sins of London, 
has the following passage to the purpose : " All the city looked like 
*' aprivate playhouse, when the windows are clapt down; as if some 
" nocturnal, and dismal tragedy were presently to be acted." 

The companies of actors throughout the kingdom were, at this 
time, numerous ; many were retainers to noblemen, who, by the 
statute 39, Eliz. c. 4, were authorized to license players. See Malone's 
Account of the English Stage, prefixed to his Shakspeare ; and 
Wright's Histoi'ia Ilistrionica. 

' lords' room.] Meaning the stage-box, or first scat at the 
theatre ; the admission to which seems, in our author's time, to hare 
been one shilling. Sec Malone, as quoted in the preceding page. 

room. 



135 



roorn^ which is now but the stage's suburbs ; no ; thosi 
boxes, by the iniquity of custom, conspiracy of waiting- 
women and gentlcmcn-ushcrs that there sweat together, 
and the covetousncss of sharers, are contemptibly ''thrust 
into the rear ; and much new satin is there damned, by 
being smothered to death in darkness. But ®on the very 
rushes where the comedy is to dance, yea, and '"under the 



^ thrust into the rear, &c.] Towards tlic re«?' of the stage, there 
appears to have been a balcony, or upper stage ; and in the front of 
it curtains were hung, so as occasionally to conceal the persons in 
it. See Malone's Historical Account of the English Stage ^ Page do. 
In this gloomy place no handsome satin suit could have its due display. 

5 on the very rushes.] The stage was always strewed with rushes ; 
which indeed was then the usual covering, or carpeting for floors in 
houses. 

'" under the state of Cambyses himself. 1 Under the very throne 
of the king. Alluding most probably to Thomas Preston's play of 
Cambyses, then frequently acted. " The state," says Mr. Gifford, 
in his notes to Massinger, Vol. 2, Page 15, " was a raised platform, 
" on which was placed a chair with a canopy over it. The word 
" occurs perpetually in our old writers. It is used by Dryden, but 
" seems to have been growing obsolete while he was writing : in the 
" first edition of Mack Fleckno, the monarch is placed on a state; 
" in the subsequent ones, he is seated, like his fellow kings, on a 
" throne : it occurs also, and I believe for the last time, in Swift : 
' As she aflfected not the grandeur of a state with a canopy, she 
' thought there was no offence in an elbowchair.' " History of John 
" Bull, Chap. 1." 

T state 



136 



state of Cambyses himself, must "our feathered estrich, 
like a piece of ordnance, be planted valiantly, because 
impudently, **beating down the mews and hisses of the 
opposed rascality. 

For do but cast up a reckoning ; what large comings- 
in are pursed up by sitting on the stage ? First a con- 
spicuous eminence is gotten; by which means, the best 
and most essential parts of a gallant, good clothes, a pro- 

11 our feathered estrich.} This was no uncommon designation of 
a beau in those days, when feathers were profusely worn in the hat, 
Shakspeare, speaking of the Prince of Wales's troops, says they 
were 

" All furnish'd, all in arms, 
" All plumed like estrkhes." 

Henry 4, Pari 1, A. 4, S. 1. 

Which passage Mr. Grey thus interprets : " All drest like the 
" prince himself, the ostrich feather being the cognizance of the 
" Prince of Wales. 

Feathers and tobacco appear to haye been articles of the highest 
luxury, when Decker wrote. In the comedy of the Sun's Darling^ 
A. 3, which he composed jointly with John Ford, he speaks of " a 
" nimble rascal, some alderman's son, wondrous giddy and light- 
" headed, one that blew his patrimony away in featiiers and to- 
" bacco." 

1^ beating down the mews, and hisses.] These dissonant tokens 
of disapprobation have been since supplied by the very ingenious in- 
vention of catcalls, still of theatrical employ. 

portionable 



137 



porfionable Icgj white hand^ "the Persian lock, and a 
tolerable beard, are perfectly revealed. 

'^ the Persian lock.] May not this be the love-lock so celebrated 
in those days, or some particular fashion of it ? It was always worn 
on the left side, depending from the ear, and decorated with a knot 
of riband. K. Charles cut off his, 1646. William Prynne wrote a 
celebrated treatise against The Unloveliness of Love-locks, 4to. 1628. 
Shakspeare, Jonson, and other writers of that day, make perpetual 
allusion to the love-lock. 

A learned friend conjectures, and I think rightly, that Parisian 
is the word intended ; and not Persian. Hall particularly ridicules 
the fashion of a French lock : 

" His hair, French-like, stares on his frighted head ; 

" One lock, amazon-Iike, dishevelled ; 

*' As if he meant to wear a native cord, 

" If chance his fates should him that bane aiford." 

ViRGiDEMiARUM, Satire 7, Book 3. 
And I am the more inclined to adopt this emendation, seeing how 
readily a compositor of the 19th century (why not therefore one of 
the 17th ?) could in his haste mistake Parisian for Persian, as is 
evinced by a whimsical circumstance which occurred to me the very 
day I penned this note. Taking up a provincial newspaper, I cast my 
eye on a paragraph, which gave an account of Buonaparte's visiting 
his Dutch dominions with his cara sposa, and concluded thus : 
" Amsterdam is rivalling Paris in dance and song, in plays, balls, 
*' festivals, and fireworks. A dancing Dutchman is not among the 
*' least wonderful of the revolutions of the day, and the annals of 
" fashion hardly expected to record the graceful movement oi Mynheer 
" Van der Snockbumjingen, who, we find, opened one of the imperial 
" balls at Amsterdam with a gay Persian dame." 

Moreover : the puritan Prynne, in his treatise before mentioned, 

By 



138 



By sitting on the stage, you have a signed patent to 
engross the whole commodity of censure^ may lawfulh' 
presume to be "a girder^ and stand at the helm to '^steer 
(29) the passage of scenes ; H yet no man shall once offer to 
hinder you from obtaining the title of an insolent^ over- 
weening coxcomb. 

By sitting on the stage, you may, without travelling 
for it_, at the very next door ask whose play it is ; and, 
by that quest of inquiry, the law warrants you to avoid 
much mistaking ; if you know not the author, you ma}' 
rail against him ; and peradventure so behave yourself, that 
you may enforce the author to know you. 

Page 27, seems to make love-locks of French origin ; for, inquiring 
into the motives tliat could induce tlie English to adopt them, he says 
one was, " because they would imitate some Frenchijied or outlandish 
'' monsieur, who halh nothing else to make him famous, I should say 
*' infamous, but an efieminate, ruffianly, ugly, and deformed lock.^' 

1* a girder.] A sneerer, a uidij critic. See a foregoing note to 
the Procetnium, Page 18. 

1* slee?~ the passage of scenes.] It is generally related, that there 
■were no scenes whatever, at the period that Decker and Shakspeare 
wrote : but merely a curtain before the stage, which served for every 
thing : imagination was to supply the scenery. The sentence quoted, 
however, would seem to point out, that scenery was then in use, and 
that it was managed in a manner somewhat similar to what it is at 
the present time. 

^ By 



139 

% sitting on the stage, if jou be a knight, you may 
happily get you a mistress; if a mere FJeet-strcct 
gentleman, a wife: but assure yourself, by continual re- 
sidence, you arc the first and principal man in election to 
.begin the number of "^ " We three." 

By spreading your body on the stage, and by being 
a justice in examining of plays, you shall put yourself 
into such true scenical authority, that some poet shall 
not dare to present his muse rudely upon your eyes, without 
having first unmasked her, rifled her, and discovered all 
her bare and most mystical parts before you at a tavern ; 

>6 " We three."] Fools, or blockheads, are to be understood j 
the same jocular allusion being seemingly made to the sign of the izco 
wooden heads, which Shakspeare probably had in view, when the 
clown, in his Twelflh Night, A. 2, S. 3, says : " How now, my 
" hearts ? Did you never see the picture of " fVe three ?" 

Mr. Douce very pleasingly amplifies on this passage, in his Illus- 
trations of Shakspeare, Vol. 1, Page 86. 

Or, if the reader chuses, he may refer the explanation to the frag- 
ment of an old song mentioned in the same scene of Tzcelfth N/<yht : 
" Three merry men be we." The same is repeated in JVesizcard Hoe, 
a play written by our author and Webster : also by Beaumont and 
Fletcher, in their Knight of the burning Pestle. The origin may have 
been derived from the ancient ditty of Robin Hood and the Tanner 
in Evans' Old Ballade, Vol. 1. Or, the Old IVives' Tale, by George 
Peele, may have been the foundation. See Malone's note on this 
subject, in his Shakspeare. 



when 



140 



when you most knightly shall, for his pains, pay for both 
their suppers. 

By sitting: on the stage, you may, with small cost, 
purchase ''the dear acquaintance of the boys ; '^have a 

" the dear acquaintance of the boys.] In Decker's day, the female 
characters in plays were represented by boijs and young men : it was 
not till some years after, that women were introduced upon the stage. 
In the earlier periods of theatrical history, and even so late as Q. 
Elizabeth's time, plays on profane subjects were acted in churches 
and chapels, as well as in places set apart for the purpose, by their 
choir. b jj s : in 1569, this was the case at her majesty's chapel royal; 
when there appeared a severe pamphlet on the subject, entitled, The 
Children of the Chapel stript and whipt, fol. Soon after 1629, a 
French theatre was established in London, where women played ; this 
was of foreign usage; for, so early as 1608, the traveller Coryat tells 
us, that he saw the same at Venice. Men performing the parts of 
women upon the stage is of the highest antiquity ; and, if the Greeks 
and Romans ever had female performers, it is supposed to have been 
only in their interludes and dances ; such an actress was Arbuscula, in 
Horace's .S'a^. 10, Lib. 1. Women appeared upon our scene about 
she year 1660. Desdemona, in Othello, it is said, was the first 
character of any regular drama represented by a female with us : who 
she was that performed the part has not been correctly ascertained ; 
it is supposed she might have been a Mrs. Marshall, an unmarried lady. 
^v-'c Malone's Historical Account of the English Stage, prefixt to his 
Shale spear e, Pages 100, & 108. 

's have a good stool for sixpence.] Your criticts, gallants^ and 
snch as would distinguish themselves, sate on stools upon the stage ; 

good 



141 



good stool for sixpence ; at any time know what particular 
part any of the infants '^present ; get your match lighted ; 
examine the play-suits' lacc^, and perhaps win wagers upon 
laying 'tis copper ; &c. And to conclude ; whether you 
be a fool, or a justice of peace ; a cuckold, or a cajjtain ; 
a lord-mayor's son, or a ^"dawcock ; a knave, or an under- 
sheriff; of what stamp soever you he ; current, or coun- 
terfeit ; ^'the stage, like time, will bring you to most 
perfect light, and lay you open. Neither are you to be 

the hire of one of these was sometimes a shilling ; as appears from our 
author's making mention of the " twelvepenny stool gentlemen," in 
his Roaring Girl. 

'^present ] For represent, act. John Ford uses the word pre- 
senters for actors : 

" Seat ye. 
" Are the presenters ready?" 

Perkin Warbeck, a. 3, S. 2. 

^ dawcock.] This word is by many authors, and perhaps more 
properly, written bawcock ; as derived from beau, and coq, Fr. signi- 
fying 3. jolly cock, a Jine fellovs. Shakspeare has it four sereral times 
in one of his plays : 

" Why, how now, my bawcock !" 

Twelfth Nicht, A. 3, S. 4. 

*i the stage, like time, &c.] The original has the stagelike time, 
which affords no sense; but the same words, as I have punctuated 
them, will give one. 

hunted 



142 



hunted from thence ; "though the scarecrows in the yard 
hoot at yoUj hiss at you^ spit at you^ jea^ throw dirt 
even in your teeth : 'tis most gentlemanlike patience to 
endure all this, and to laugh at the silly animals. But 
if the rabble, with a full throat, cry : ^' " Away with the 
fool !" you were worse than a madman to tarry by it ; 
for the gentleman, and the fool should never sit on the 
stage together. 

Marry ; let this observation go hand in hand with 

the rest ; or rather, like a country serving-man, some five 

3) (30^ yards before them. 1 Present not yourself on the stage, 

especially at a new play, until the quaking Prologue hath 

-*by rubbing got colour into his cheeks, and is ^^ready 

^^ though the scarecroKS in the yard.] In the middle of the 
Globe, and, I suppose, of the other publick theatres, there was an 
open yard or area, where the common people stood to see the ex- 
hibition. 

Malone. 

^^ " Away with the fool !"] See a note on this phrase, in the 
Procemium, Page 18. 

^* by rubbing got colour into his cheeks.] Hath put on his stage 
face, by rubbing the usual imint on his cheeks. 

-* ready to give the trumpets their cue.'] Trumpets were then 
the preludious instruments to a play, whose use was derived from 

to 



143 

to give the trumpets their cue that he is upon point to 
enter; for then it is time, as though you were one of 
the properties, or that you dropt out of the hangings, to 
creep from behind the arras, with your tripos or three- 
footed stool in one hand, and a '"teston mounted between 
a forefinger and a thumb in the other ; for, if you should 
bestow your person upon the vulgar, when the belly of 
the house is but half full, your apparel is quite eaten up, 
the fashion lost, and the proportion of your body in more 
danger to be devoured than if it were served up in the 
Counter amongst the poultry : ^'avoid that as you would 
the bastome. It shall crown you with rich commendation, 
to laugh aloud in the middest of the most serious and 
saddest scene of the terriblest tragedy ; and to let that 
clapper, your tongue, be tossed so high, that all the 

tilts and tournaments. Their sonndings perhaps answered more 
correctly to our prompter's bell. There was not, I believe, in those 
days any regular pieces of musick played before the representation 
began, as at present. 

®s teston.] Or fester, sixpence. The ieston was originally worth 
eighteen pence; but in the successive reigns of Henry 8, and Edward 
6, it diminished in value; till, in Decker's day, it was worth only 
sixpence. Mr. Douce, in his Illustrations of Shakspeare, Vol 1, 
Page 35, has a long and curious dissertation on this word. 

" avoid that as you uould the bastome.] Or bdston, Ft. that is 
a caning, a thrashing. 

u , . house 



144 



house may ring of it : your lords use it ; your knights are 
apes to the lords, and do so too ; your inn-a-court man 
is zany to the knights, and (many very scurvily) comes 
likewise limping after it : be thou a beagle to them all, 
and never lin snuffing till you have scented them : for by 
talking and laughing, like a ploughman in a morris, you 
heap Pelion upon Ossa, glory upon glory : as first, all the 
eyes in the galleries will leave walking after the players, 
and only follow you ; the simplest dolt in the house snatches 
up your name, and, when he meets you in the streets, 
or that you fall into his hands in the middle of a watch, 
his word shall be taken for you ; he will cry " he's such 
" a gallant," and you pass : secondly, you publish your 
temperance to the world, in that you seem not to resort 
thither to taste vain pleasures with a hungry appetite; but 
only as a gentleman to spend a foolish hour or two, 
because you can do nothing else : thirdly, you mightily 
disrelish the audience, and disgrace the author : Marry ; 
you take up, though it be at the worst hand, a strong 
opinion of your own judgment, and enforce the poet to 
take pity of your weakness, and, by some dedicated son- 
net, to bring you into **a better paradise, only to stop 
your mouth. 

*8 a fie^^er paradise.] Than that where you now are, i\G stage; 
which, from the coxcombs that haunt it, is but a paradise of foolsy 
or that visionary country of good cheer, called by the French pai/s 



If 



145 



If you can, either for love or monej, provide yourself 
a lodging by the water-side ; for, above the convenience 
(31 J it brings 1 to shun shoulder-clapping, and to ship away 
your ^'cockatrice betimes in the morning, it adds a kind 
of state unto you to be carried from thence to the stairs 
of your playhouse. Hate a sculler, remember that, worse 
than to be acquainted with one o' th' scullery. No ; 
your oars are your only sea-crabs, board them, and take 
heed you never go twice together with one pair ; often 
shifting is a great credit to gentlemen, and that dividing 
of your fare will make the poor water-snakes be readj 
to pull you in pieces to enjoy your custom. No matter 
whether, upon landing, you have money, or no ; you may 
swim in twenty of their boats over the river upon ticket : 
Marry ; when silver comes in, remember to pay treble 
their fare ; and it will make your flounder-catchers to 
send more thanks after you when you do not draw, than 
when you do ; for they know it will be their own another 
day. 

de cocagne ; and by the Italians cuccagna, which Florio renders in 
English lubberland. " To get rid of you" seems the meaning intended. 

-^ cockatrice.] Girl, mistress. In this sense -vve meet with it 
in the London Prodigal, A. 5, S. 1 : " Not far from hence 
" there lives a cockatrice.'' Ben Jonson makes frequent use of the 
word. 



Before 



146 



^''Before the play begins, fall to cards ; you may win 
or lose, as fencers do in a prize, and beat one another 
by confederacy, yet share the money when you meet at 
supper : notwithstanding, to gull the ragamuffins that 
stand aloof gaping at you, throw the cards, having first 
torn four or five of them, round about the stage, ^'just 
upon the third sound, as though you had lost ; it skills 
not ^'if the four knaves lie on their backs, and outface the 



^° Before the play begins, full to cards."] Tho amusements previous 
to the commencement of a theatrical representation were various ; some 
read; some played at curds; some drank ale, and smoked tobacco. 
See Malone's Shakspeare, Vol. I, Part 2, Page 121. Vestiges of 
this custom had place at our Sadler's Wells, but a very few years 
since, when a pint of port wine, or punch, was gratuitously allowed 
in the evening's entertainment. The plays, in Decker's time, began 
soon after three; in 169G, an hour later ; but in Shakspeare's time so 
early as one. 

31 jusl upon the third sound.] That is just before the curtain 
(Irazos up. The first, second, and third soundings answered to the 
prompter's bell with us before the play begins. See a preceding 
note. 

32 if the four knaves lie on their backs,] The well-known game 
of Beat the knave out of doors is perhaps here alluded to ; wherein 
each knave.) as turned up, is laid upon his back, and set apart; that it 
maybe ascertained when all the four are out. Or, a reference may 
be intended to some game on the cards now lost to us, in which the 
four knaves were of particular import. Thus our author, in his 

English Villanies, S^c, 1638 : <' If the poor dumb dice be but a little out 

audience ; 



14? 

audience ; there's none such fools as dare take exceptions 
at them ; because, ere the play go ofF, better knaves than 
they will fall into the company. 

Now, sir ; if the writer be a fellow that hath either 
epigrammed you, or hath had a flirt at your mistress, or 
hath brought either your feather, or ''your red beard, or 
your little legs, &c. on the stage ; you shall disgrace him 
worse than by tossing him in a blanket, or giving him 
the bastinado in a tavern, if, in the middle of his play, 
be it pastoral or comedy, ''moral or tragedy, you rise 

^' of square, the pox and a thousand plagues break their necks out 
" at a window ; presently after the four knaves are set packing the 
" same way, or else, like hereticks, are condemned to be burnt." 

^^ ;ijour red beard.] To colour the beard was the fa»hion of Q. 
Elizabeth's day. In Shakspeare's Midsummer-NighV s Dream, A, 1, 
S. 2, Bottom is anxious as to the colour of the beard in which he 
shall play the character of Pyramus. Red seems to have been a 
favourite colour. Thus in Lodowick Barrey's comedy of Ram-Alley, 
1611, A. 1, S. 1: 

" Taffeta. Now for a wager, 

" What coloured beard comes next by the window ? 

" Adriana, A black man's, I think. 

•' Taffeta. I think not so ; 

" I think a red, for that is most in fashion." 

'* moral or tragedi/.'^ It is CTldent; from this passage, that the 

with 



148 



with a screwed and discontented fac6 from youi" sfdol to 
be gone ; no matter whether the scenes be good^ or no ; 
the better they are, the worse do you distaste them : and, 
being on your feet, sneak not away like a coward ; but 
salute all your gentle acquaintance, that are spread either 
on the rushes, or on stools about you; and draw what 
troop you can from the stage after you, ^*the mimicks arc 
v:2) beholden to you for allowing ^them elbowroom : their 
poet cries, perhaps, " a pox go with you ;" but care not for 
that ; there is ^"no musick without frets. 



moralities were exhibited so late as James the first's day, long after 
regular dramas were presented on the scene ; these succeeded, but at 
what period is uncertain, the ancient miracle-plays or mysteries^ 
■which were our earliest representations, consisting of tame allegories 
devoid of plan ; whereas the moralities shewed some rudiments of a 
plot, and indicated dawnings of the dramatick art. See Malone's 
Historical Account of the English Stage. 

35 the mimiclis ] Meaning the actors. Thus our author again in 
his Satiroftiustix, 1602: "Thou (Ben Jonson) hast forgot how thou 
" amblest in a leather pilch by a play-waggon in (he highway, and 
" took'st mad Jeronymo's part to get service among the mimicks.'' 
Shakspeare uses the word in the same sense : 
" Anon, his Thisbe must be answered, 
" And forth my mitnick comes ; &c." 

Midsummer-Night's Dreamj A. 3, S. 2. 

'^ no musick rcithout frets,] Those divisions on the neck of a 
guitar, or similar instrument, which mark the spaces for stopping 

Marry ; 



149 



Marry ; if either the coiDpany, or indisposition of the 
weather bind you to sit it out ; my counsel is then that you 
turn plain ape : take up a rush, and tickle the earnest 
ears of your fellow gallants, to make other fools fall a 
laughing ; mew at passionate speeches ; blare at merry ; 
find fault with the musick ; whew at tke children's action ; 
yvhistlc at the songs ; and, above all, curse "the sharers, 
that whereas the same day you had bestowed forty shillings 
on an embroidered felt and feather, Scotch fashion, for 
your mistress in the court, or your punk in the city, 
within two hours after you encounter with the very same 
block on the stage, when the haberdasher swore to you 
the impression was extant but that morning. 

To conclude. ^^Hoard up the finest play-scraps you 
can get ; upon which your lean wit may most savourily 
feed, for want of other stuff, when the ^^Arcadian and 



the notes, were called frets, without which no musick could be pro- 
duced. Shakspeare has also a pun upon the word, in his Hamlet^ 

A. 3, S. 2 : " You would seem to know my stops. Though you 

*' can fret me, you cvLwnot plaij upon me." 

^■^ the sharers.] I fancy, the proprietors were so named. The 
word has before occurred at Page 135, and seemingly in that sense. 

^* J/oardwp /ftc^werf play. scraps.] See a note to the Pro^smuOT, 
Page 21. 

Euphuesed 



150 



Euphiiesed gentlewomen have their tongues sharpened to 
set upon you : that quality, next to your shittlecock, is 
the only furniture to a courtier that is but a new beginner, 
and is but in his A B C of compliment. The next places 
that are filled, after the playhouses be emptied, are, or 
ought to be, taverns ; into a tavern then let us next march, 
where the brains of one hogshead must be beaten out 
to make up another. 

^ Arcadian and Euphuescd gentlewomen.'] Meaning such as 
had studied Sir Philip Sidney's Arcadia, a novel then, and cvea 
now deseryedly admired; and such also as had formed their con- 
rersation, and phraseology on the then popular novel of Euphues 
and his England, written in most fantastick language by John Lilly, 
or Lyiy, a celebrated playwright : it was read with avidify by the 
fashionables of that day. Mr. Blount, who published six of his 
plays, says that " Lilly's Euphues and his England taught the 
" court a new language; and the lady, who could not purler 
" Euphuism^ was as little regarded as she that now there speaks not 
" French." 



151 



Cfjapter Uu 



HOW A GALLANT SHOULD BEHAVE HIMSELF IS 
A TAVEKN. 



HOSOEVER desires to be a mau 
of good reckoning in the city ; 
and^ Uike your French lord, to 
have as many tables furnished as 
lackiesj who, when they keep least, 
keep none ; whether he be 'a young 
quat of the first year's revenue ; 
or some austere and sullen-faced 
steward, who, in despite of a great beard, a satin suit. 




1 like your French lord.] The singular number is here used in 
a collective plural sense, which is nothing uncommon ; and fully jus- 
tifies the subsequent relative sentence, " who, when they keep least." 

- a young quat of the Jirst year's revenue.'] " A choice spark, 

w and 



lo2 



and ^a chain of gold wrapt in cjprus, proclaims himself 

to anjj but to those to whom his lord owes monej^ for a 

rank coxcomb ; or whether he be a country gentleman, 

t^^^ that brings ^ his wife up to learn the fashioUj see the 

" a dainti/ gallant, newly come to his estate, and in the receipt of 
" his first y.ear's rents." In this, or similar manner, I should in- 
terpret the expression, from the use I see made of the word quut, as 
a Tcrb, in a recently noticed work, much resembling Lilly's Euphties, 
entitled Philotimiis, the War betwixt Nature and Fortune, 1583, 4to. 
(See British Bibliographer, Vol. 2, Page 439.) " Had Philotimus 
" been served in at the first course, when your stomach was not 
" quatted (satiated) with other daintier fare, his relish perhaps had 
" been something loathsome." 

In the midland counties quat means a pimple, which by rubbing 
is made to smart. The word is Shakspearean : 

" I have rubb'd this young quat almost to the sense, 

" And he grows angry." 

Othello, A, 5, S. 1. 
See Mr. Steevens' note on this passage. 

3 a chain of gold zcrapt in Cyprus.] The original has cipers* 
See a note to Chap. 4, Page 100. Allusion is made to the chain which 
the household steward was always accustomed to wear, and, as it would 
seem from this passage, sometimes wound round his hat with the 
hatband. But indeed gold chains were then variously worn by 
wealthy citizens : usurers wore them. See Shakspeare's Much ado 
about Nothing, A. 2, S. 1. See also his Puritan, A. 3, S. 3; and 
Tomkis's Albumazar, A. 1, S. 3. 



tombs 



153 



tombs at Westminster^ the lions in the Towcr^ *or to take 
pliysick ; or else is some young farmer, who many times 
makes his wife in the country believe he hath suits in law, 
because he will come up to his lechery; be he of what 
stamp he will that hath money in his purse, and a good 
conscience to spend it ; my counsel is that he take his 
continual diet at a tavern, which out of question is the 
only rendezvous of boon company ; and the drawers the 
most nimble, the most bold, and most sudden proclaimers 
of your largest bounty. 

Having therefore thrust yourself into a case most in 
fashion, how coarse soever the stuff be, 'tis no matter, so 
it hold fashion ; your office is, if you mean to do your 
judgment right, to enquire out those taverns which are 
best customed, '^whose masters are oftenest drunk, (for 

♦ or to take physick.] In Decker's day, physicians of repute 
were so thinly scattered over the kingdom, (hat the bringing a person 
to London, to consult some eminent one, was a very serious business. 
And fanciful or artful wives would often persuade their husbands to 
take them up to town for the advantage of phj/sich; when the prin- 
cipal object was dissipation. A trip to Bath is oftentimes now 
managed in a similar way. 

* whose masters are oftenest driink.'\ This passage has been 
quoted as explanatory of the following, in Earle's Microcosmography, 
by the late ingenious editor of that book : " If the vintner's nose be 
" at the door, it is a sign sufficient." Chap. 13. A Tavern. 

that 



154 



that confirms their taste, and that they chuse wholesome 
wines) and such as "stand furthest from the counters ; 
where, landing yourself and your followers, your first 
compliment shall be to grow most inwardly acquainted 
with the drawers ; to learn their names, as Jack, and 
Will, and Tom ; to dive into their inclinations, as whe- 
ther this fellow useth to 'the fencingschool, this to the 

^ stand farthest from, the counters.] As less likely to be fre- 
quented by Tulgar tradesmen : shop-counters perhaps being meant. Or, 
we may interpret counters by the Poultry, and Wood Street prisons^ 
denominated counters^ or compters : in a tavern remoTcd from these 
a guest was not so liable to be annoyed by scrjeants, or catchpolls. 

' the fencingschool.] At a time Avhen the use of the rapier was 
so Common, and that all differences of honour were settled by it, the 
fencingschools were of necessity much resorted to by your gallants, 
and such of the commonalty who aped their manners, as tavern- 
waiters, &c. The old writers are full of this. But the following 
quotation from Marston's Satire, entitled Humours^ will fully instance 
it: 

" Oh, come not within distance ! Martius speaks, 

" Who ne'er discourseth but of fencing feats, 

" Of counter -time s.^ finctures, sly passataes, 

" Stramazdnes, resolute rfocco/e^, 

" Of the quick change with wiping mandrittdy 

" The carricado, with th' enbrocata. 

' Oh, by Jesu, sir, (methink I hear him cry) 

' The honourable fencing mystery 

< Who doth not honour ?' Then falls he in again, 

" Jading our ears ; and somewhat must be sain 

dancingschool ; 



155 

"dancingschool ; win thor, that ^young conjurer in hogs^ 
heads at midnii^ht keeps a gelding now and then to 
visit his cockatrice, or whether he love dogs, or be ad- 
dicted to any other eminent and citizen-like quality ; and 
protest yourself to be extremely in love, and that you 
spend much money in a year upon any one of those ex- 
ercises which you perceive is followed by them. The 
use which you shall make of this familiarity is this: if you 
want money five or six days together, you may still pay 
the reckoning with this most gentlemanlike language, 
" boy, fetch me money from the bar;" and keep yourself 

" Of blades, and rapier-hilts, of surest guard, 
" Of Vincentio, and the Biirgonians' ward." 

Scourge of Villany, Satire 11, Book 3. 

® the dancingschool.] Formerly the dancingschools in our country 
were of great notoriety. Shakspcare alludes to them : 
" They bid us to the English dancingschools, 
" And teach lavoltas high, and swift corrantos." 

Henry 5, A. 3, S. 5. 
That dancing was a requisite to the coxcomb of the day is CTident, 
from the stress Sir Andrew Ague-cheek lays on it, as one of the ac- 
complishments he had studied : 

" I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I ha?e 
<' in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting." 

Twelfth Night, A. 1, S. 3. 

9 young conjurer in hogsheads at midnight.'] Who is drawing 
■wine till a late hour, as tapster. 

most 



156 

most providentially from a hungry melancholy in your 
chamber. Besides, you shall be sure, if there be but 
one faucet that can betray neat wine to the bar, to have 
that arraigned before you, sooner than a better and wor- 
thier person. 

The first question you arc to make ; after the discharg- 
ing of your pocket of tobacco, and pipes, and the house- 
hold stuff thereto belonging ; shall be for '"an inventory of 
(F) (34J the kitchen : for it H were more than most tailor-like, and 
to be suspected you were in league with some kitchen- 
wench, to descend yourself, to offend your stomach with 
the sight of the larder, and haply to grease your accou- 
trements. Having therefore received this bill, you shall, 
"like a captain putting up dear pays, ^^have many salads 

^0 an inventory of the kitchen.'] It would seem, from this pas- 
sage, that, to call for a bill-of-fare, in those days, argued a degree 
of puppyism ; and (hat persons usually went themselves into the 
kitchen, and examined the larder, as is now done in small country 
inns. 

" like a captain putting up dear pays.] I cannot help conjec- 
turing, that our author for putting tip meant to have written put 
upon ; and that by put upon dear pays was meant enabled to live 
well. The word dear is often employed by the old writers to signify 
g-oorf, rare., excellent. Or, for dear (in the original deere) ought we 
not to read dead, interpreting with Massinger's late commentator 
thus ? " 13y dead pajjs he means the pa^s of men whose nameSj though 

stand 



157 



stand on your table, as it vvcic for blanks to the other 
more serviceable dishes : and, according to the time of 
the year, vary your fare; as capon is "a stirring meat 
sometimes, oysters are a swelling meat sometimes, trout 
a tickling meat sometimes, green-goose and vpoodcock a 
delicate meat sometimes ; especially in a tavern, where 

" they are dead, are continued on the muster-rolls, or the names 
*' of fictitious persons entered on it who never existed :" 
" O you commanders 
" That, like me, have no dead pays, nor can cozen 
*' The commissary at a muster." 

Unnatural Combat, A. 4, S. 2; 
I have however retained the original text, leaving the reader to 
interpret for himself. 

1^ have many salads stand on your table.'] That the bon-vivant 
gallant should be nice in his salads, seemed a requisite in former days. 
See a note at the beginning of Chap. 4, Page 92. 

1^ a stirring meat sometimes.'] Decker would seem Indicrously 
to make allusion to the eftects of different foods on our passions. To 
which purpose, thus Dr. King, in his Art of Cookery : 

The things we eat by various juice controul 

The narrowness, or largeness of our soul : 

Onions will make e'en heirs, or widows weep; 

The tender lettuce brings on softer sleep; 

Eat beef or pie-crust, if you'd serious be ; 

Your shellfish raises Venus from the sea : 

For nature, that inclines to ill or good. 

Still nourishes our passions by our food. 

you 



J5S 



you shall sit in as great state^ as a church-warden amongst 
his poor parishioners^ at pentecost or christmas. 

For your drink^ let not your physician confine you 
to any one particular liquor ; for as it is requisite that 
a gentleman should not always be plodding in one art^ 
but rather be a general scholar,, that is, to have a lick at 
all sorts of learning, and away ; so 'tis not fitting a man 
should trouble his head with sucking at one grape ; but 
that he may be able, "now there is a general peace, to 
drink any "stranger drunk in his own element of drink, 
or piore properly in his own '"mist language. 

^* now there is a general peace.] A reference is here made, I fancy, 
to the peace concluded with Spain, in August, 1604 ; terminating a 
■war, which at last hardly wore the semblance of national hostility : 
it had been continued by the monarchs, Elizabeth of England and 
Philip of Spain, rather from personal animosity, than from political 
interests. Then, as in the present day, the wine-trade seems to have 
been unpleasantly influenced by warfare. 

1* ani/ stranger drunk, &c.] The original has drink ; but I very 
strongly suspect that our author meant to have written drunk, there- 
fore have ventured on the alteration ; otherwise I could not have 
reconciled the words to any sense: as they now stand the meaning is 
clearly : " There being a general peace, the wines of every country 
" are to be procured in plenty ; and we can carouse with any stranger 
*' in wine the produce of his own soil, which is, as it were, his own 
" element of drink." 

Your 



159 



Your discourse at the table ninst be sucli, as tliat which 
you utter at your ordiuary ; your behaviour the same, 
but somewhat more careless ; for, where your cxpence is 
great, let your modesty be less : and, though you should 
be mad in a tavern, the largeness of the items will bear 
with your incivility ; you may, without prick to your 
conscience, set the want of your wit against the super- 
fluity, and sauciness of their reckonings. 

If you desire not to be haunted with fidlcrs ; who by 
the statute have as much liberty as rogues to travel into 
any place, having '^the passport of the house about them ; 
bring then no women along with you : but, if you love 
the company of all the drawers, never sup without your 
cockatrice ; for, having her there, you shall be sure of 
most officious attendance. Enquire what gallants sup in 
the next room ; and, if they be any of your acquaintance, 
do not you, after the city fashion, ''send them in a pottle 

's mist language.'] May not this be a cant phrase for rcine, 
(quasi drunken language) derived from the ojfuscating eflTects of wine 
Upon the senses ; and therefore applied here, as having a reference to, 
and explanatory of element, which precedes? 

>^ the passport of the house.'] Meaning, money in the pocket ; 
the general passe-par-tout. 

" send the7n in a pottle of wine, and your name, sweetened in tzco 

X of 



160 



of wlne^ and your namc^ sweetened in two pitiful papers of 
sugar^ with some filthy apology crammed into the mouth 
(35; Hof a drawer ; but rather keep a boy in fee, who under- 
hand shall proclaim you in every room, what a gallant 
fellow you are, how much you spend yearly in taverns, 
what a great gamester, what custom you bring to the 
house, in what witty discourse you maintain a table^ what 
gentlewomen or citizens' wives you can "with a wet finger 

pitiful papers of sugar,] It appears to have been a common custom 
at taverns, in our author's time, (says Mr. Malone) to send presents 
of wine from one room to another, either as a memorial of friendship, 
or by way of introduction to acquaintance. So Bardolph, in the 
JV/ern/ Wives of Windsor, A. 2, S. 2, tells Falstaff: " Sir John, 
" there's one Master Brook below would fain speak with you ; and 
" hath sent your worship a morning^s draught of sack.^^ And Mr. 
Steevens informs us, that the waiters kept sugar ready put up in 
papers, of the value of a halfpenny each, to sweeten their liquors : 
some were so delicate, that they would not have it brought them in 
brown paper. See his note explanatory of this to Shakspeare's Henry 
4, Part 1, A. 2, S. 4. Most wines were in those days drunk 
sweetened with sugar, to have taken them otherwise would have been 
a vulgarity. See a note in Malone's Shakspeare, Vol. 5, Page 126. 

1^ with a wet finger.] To obtain any thing with a wet finger, 
seems to have been a figurative phrase for obtainiug it with ease; 
deduced, perhaps, from the facility with which water follows the 
finger when previously wetted. Take the two following passages 
from our author, in support of this conjecture ; indeed, it is not 
"* improbable but the expression may be purely Deckcrian : 

" If ever I stand in need of a wench that will come with a wet 

have 



161 

have at any time to sup with you, and sucIj like: by which 

" fi^S^^'t porter, thou shalt earn my money before any clarissimo in 
«' Milan." 

Honest Whore, S. 2. 
** I have heard many honest wenches turn strumpets with a uet 

The same, S. 9. 
And this passage may likewise be adduced, as further proof : 
" Trust not a woman when she cries ; 
" For she'll pump water from her eyes, 
" With a xcet Jingcr ; and in faster show'rs, 
" Than April when he rains down flow'rs." 

The same, S. 12. 
A classical friend and scholar fancies the meaning of the phrase, 
in this tract to be, that of giving an item to the tavern-boy, or 
drawer, what lady our gallant would have him send for, merely by 
tracing her name on the table with tcine, without mentioning it. So 
inscribing the fair-one's name with spilt wine, to serve the purposes 
of gallantry and intrigue, is mentionedj he observes, by many of the 
amatory poets of antiquity. Thus Ovid, Amor. Eleg. 4, Lib. 1: 
" Verba leges digitts, verba notata mero.^^ 

And again in his De Arte Amandi, Lib. 1, Ver. 571 : 
" Blanditiasque leves tenui perscribere vino." 

Tibullus too remarks the artifice. Lib. 1, Eleg. 7: 
*' Neu te decipiat nutu, digitoque liquorem 
" Ne trahat, et mensac ducat in orbe notas." 

The licentiousness of the cilizcns' wives, in Decker's day, was 
very notorious ; and might be exemplified by quotations innumerable : 
I will only produce one, from our author, in the play before quoted ; 
where a servant, making his terms with a bawd he is about to live with, 
says: 

encomiasticks 



162 

cncomiasticks of his^ they that know you not shall admire 
you^ and think themselves to be brought into a paradise 
but to be meanly in your acquaintance ; and^ if any of 
your endeared friends be in the house^ and beat the same 
ivy-bush that yourself docs, you may join companies, and 
be drunk together most publickly. 

But, in such a deluge of drink, take heed that no 
man counterfeit himself drunk, to free his purse from the 
'^^>. danger of the -"shot ; 'tis a usual thing now amongst 
gentlemen ; it had wont be the quality of cockneys : I 
would advise you to leave so much brains in your head, 
as to prevent this. When the terrible reckoning, like an 
inditement, bids you hold up your hand, and that you 
must answer it at the bar ; you must not abate one penny 
in any particular ; no ; though they reckon cheese to you, 
when you have neither eaten any, nor could ever abide 
it, raw or toasted : but ^Vast your eye only upon the 

*' But how if I fetch this citizen's xcife to that gull, and that 
'' madonna to that gallant ; how then ?" 

Honest Whore, S. 8. 

2° shot.] Tavon reckoning. On this word, the same with scot, 
the reader may consult Tooke's amusing work. Diversions of Purlej/, 
Part 2. lie there observes, that scat and sJiot arc mutually inter- 
changeable. Ilencc the Italian scotio, and the French ecot. 

^* cast your eye only upon the totalis.] This would seem to have 

totalis. 



163 

totalis, and no further ; for to traverse the bill would 
betray you to be acquainted ^vith the rates of the market ; 
nay more ; it would make the vintners believe you veere 
^^pater familias, and kept a house ; which, I assure you, 
is not now in fashion, 

been a quaint expression of the day. Ben Jonson employs it: 
" God a mercy ; 

^' Come, ad solvcndum, boys ! there, there, and there, &c. 
*' I look on nothing but totalis,,^' 

The Staple of News, A. 1, S. 3. 

*2 puter familias.'] The folly then prevalent of breaking up house- 
keeping, to save money for the purposes of dissipation, has been 
before alluded to, in Chapter 4, Page 107. Hall begins one of his 
Satires by noticing it : 

" Housekeeping's dead, Saturio. Wot'st thou where ? 

" Forsooth, they say, far hence in Breck-neck-shire. 

" And ever since they say, that feel and taste, 

" That men may break their neck soon as their fast." 

And a little further we have the following animated lines : 
" Beat the broad gates : a goodly hollow sound 
^' With double echoes doth again rebound ; 
*' But not a dog doth bark to welcome thee, 
" Nor churlish porter canst thou chafing see ; 
f ' All dumb, and silent, like the dead of night, 
" Or dwelling of some sleepy Sybarite." 

*' Look to the tower'd chimnies, which should be 
" The windpipes of good hospitality ; 



If 



164 



If you fall to dice after supper ; let the drawers be as 
familiar with you as jour barber, and venture their silver 
amongst jou ; no matter where they had it ; jou are to 
cherish the unthriftiness of such young tame pigeons, 
if you be a right gentleman : for when two are yoked 
together by the purse-strings, and draw the chariot of 
madam Prodigality ; when one faints in the way and 
^^slips his horns, let the other rejoice and laugh at him. 

At your departure forth the house ; to kiss mine hostess 
over the bar, or to -^accept of the courtes3' of the cellar 
when 'tis offered you by the drawers, (and you must know 
that kindness never creeps upon them, but when they see 

" Through which it breatheth to the open air, 

" Betokening life, and liberal welfare. 

'' Lo ! there th' unthankful swallow takes her rest, 

" And fills the tunnel with her circled nest ; 

" Nor half that smoke from all his chimnies goes, 

*' Which one tobacco-pipe drives through his nose." 

ViRGIDEMIARUMj Sat. 2, Book 5. 

-5 slips his horns.] Unyokes, unconnects himself. A metaphor 
taken from oxen, that were usually coupled by the horns, in working 
them. 

^* accept of the courtesy of the cellar,] It was usual at taverns, 
when the guests had settled their reckoning and were going away, to 
oifer them a parting glass free of cost. I cannot bring it to recollec- 
tion in what old play, or tract, I have seen this custom mentioned. 

you 



165 

{F2){3c; you almost ^-'cleft %. to the shoulders) or to bid any of the 
vintners good night, is as commendable, as for a barber 
after trimming to lave your face with sweet water. 

To conclude. Count it an honour, either to invite, 
or be invited to ^"any rifling ; for commonly, though you 
find -^much satin there, yet you shall likewise find many 
citizens' sons, and heirs, and younger brothers there, who 
smell out such feasts more greedily, ~''than tailors hunt 

^* cleft to the shoulders.] This I will presume is a cant phrase 
for being drunk, which is new at least to me. It seems, that when a 
man's head droops below his shoulders, and leans on his chest, 
through drunkenness, the expression is a just one. 

2^ a7?j/ rifling.] Any cheating, or plundering, that may be going 



2'' much satin.] Meaning persons of fashion, who wore satin 
chiefly. Another fling at the needy, and profligate nobility is here 
intended. 

^® than tailors hunt upon sundaj/s after weddings.] By hearing at 
churches what marriages were published, or otherwise learning, being 
a leisure day, what weddings were about to take place, consequently 
what new suits they might be likely to haye bespoke of them. 

In that rare little book, Wifs Interpreter, 1C62, Edit. 2d, I 
find the same expression, which, I own, I cannot explain, in a witti- 
cism entitled A Lover's Will: " I bequeath my kisses to some tailor. 



upon 



166 



upon Sundays after weddings. And let any hook draw 
you either to a fencer's supper^ or to a player's that acts 
such a part for a wager ; for by this means you shall get 
experience, by being guilty to their ^^abominable shaying. 

'' that hunts out weddings every Sunday ; item, my sighs to a noise of 
*' fiddlers ill-payed, &c." 

On this occasion, I would not omit mention of a custom, which, I 
am informed, prevails even now at Tenby in Pembrokeshire ; not that 
I think it throws any light on the subject of this note ; but the reader 
may judge for himself. AVhen a wedding there takes place, the 
young friends of the bridegroom go in a posse to the bride's house; 
the chief of these is the bridegroom's more particular friend, and is 
called the tailor ; he leads her to the altar, (ducens uxorem) as in the 
pagan rite ; the bridegroom follows, conducting the bridemaid : after 
the ceremony is performed, the tailor consigns the bride's hand to the 
bridegroom, and takes that of the bridemaid, whom he then leads 
back, following the wedded couple home. 

*» abominable shaving.] Fleecing^ defraudingt 



]67 



Cljapter WL 



HOW A GALLANT IS TO BEHAVE HIMSELF PASSING 

THROUGH THE CITY, AT ALL HOURS OF 

THE NIGHT; AND HOW TO PASS 

BY ANY WATCH. 



FTER the sound of pottle-pots is 
out of jour ears ; and that the 
spirit of wine, and tobacco walks 
in jour brain ; the tavern-door 
being shut upon jour back ; cast 
about to pass through the widest^ 
and goodliest streets in the citj. 
And, if your means cannot reach 
to the keeping of a boj, hire one of the drawers to be 
as a lantern unto jour feet, and to light jou home : and, 
still as jou approach near anj nightwalker that is up as 
late as jourself, curse and swear, like one that speaks 
high Dutch, in a loftj voice, because jour men have 

Y used 




168 



used you so like a rascal in not waiting upon you^ and 
vow the next morning to pull their 'blue cases over their 

1 blue cases.'] Id former days the colour of servants' liTerles was 
almost invariably blue ; innumerable passages in old tracts, and old 
plays, concur to prove liiis. Thus our author, in his Belmaii's Night 
Walks : 

" The other act their parts in blue coats, as they were serving- 
" men." 

Again, in his Belman of London : 

" Back comes this counterfeit bluC'Coat, running all in haste for 
" his master's cloakbag." 

Again, in one of his plays : 

" You proud varlets, you need not be ashamed to wear blue, 
when your master is one of your fellows." 

Second Paut of the Honest Wiiore. 

Thus too G. Wilkins, T. Middleton, and J. Cooke : 
" How now, blue-bottle, are you of the house ?" 

The Miseries of inforced Marriage, A. 1. 

" Have a care, blue-coats i bestir yourself Mr. Gum-water." 

A Mab World, my Masters, A. 5. 

" A blue coat with a badge does better with you." 

Green's Tu Quoque. 
And thus Shakspeare : 

" Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, — and the rest ; let their heads be 
" sleekly combed, their blue coats brushed." 

Taming of the Shrew, A. 4, S. 1. 

The habit of the parish beadle was likewise blue, and the strumpet 
always did penance in a blue gown. Blue in short seems to have been 
the colour denoting servitude, and degradation. 

ears ; 



1C9 



ears ; though, if your chamber were well searched, you 
gire only sixpence a week to some old woman to make 
your bed, and that she is all the serving creatures you 
give wages to. If you smell a watch, and that you 
may easily do_, for commonly they eat onions to keep 
them in sleeping, which they account a medicine against 
cold ; *or, if you come Vithin danger of their brown 
bills ; let him that is your candlestick, and holds up your 
torch from dropping, for to march after a link is shoe- 
maker-like ; let ig7iis fatuiis, I say, being within the 
(37J reach of the constable's staff, ask aloud, H " Sir Giles, 
" or. Sir Abraham, will you turn this way, or down that 
" street?" It skills not, though there be none dubbed 
in your bunch ; the watch will wink at you, only for 
the love they bear to arms and knighthood. Marry ; if 
the centinel and his court of guard stand strictly upon his 
martial law, and cry '" stand," commanding you to give 
the word, and to shew reason why your ghost walks so late ; 
do it in some jest ; for that will show you have a desperate 
wit, and perhaps make him* and his halberdiers afraid 

• or.] The original has but, with which reading the sentence is 
imperfect ; I have therefore Tenturcd to substitute or, which at Icait 
perfects the sentence, and affords a sense. 

^ zcithin danger of their brown bills.] Watchmen were former!/ 
armed with bill-hooks fixt at the end of their staves. In Ireland, I am 
informed, they still carry such weapons. Malone, in his Shakspeare, 
Much ado about Nothing, A. 3, S. 3, gives some specimens of these 
bills. 

to 



170 



to laj foul hands upon you : or^ if you read a mittimus 
in the constable's book ; counterfeit to be a Frenchman, 
a Dutchman^ or any other nation whose country is in 
peace with your own ; and you may pass the pikes ; for, 
being not able to understand yoUj they cannot by the 
customs of the city take your exarainatioUj and so by 
consequence they have nothing to say to you. 

If the night be old, and that your lodging be some 
place into which no artillery of words can make a breach ; 
retire; and rather assault the doors of your punk, or, 
not to speak broken English, your sweet mistress, upon 
whose white bosom you may languishingly consume the 
rest of darkness that is left in ravishing, though not 
restorative pleasures, without expences, only by virtue of 
four or five oaths, (when the siege breaks up, and at your 
marching away with bag and baggage) that the last 
night you were at dice, and lost so much in gold, so 
much in silver ; and seem to vex most that two such 
Elizabeth twenty-shilling pieces, or four such *spur-rialsj 

* spur-rials.] Or spur-roijals sometimes written, were of fifteen 
shillings value, (See bishop Fleetwood's Chronicon jyreciosum, 1745, 
Page 18.) coined iu the 3d of James 1. three years only before 
Decker wrote the present tract. Being then a handsome new coin, 
any little present of money was perhaps usually made in it. Many 
writers of the day mention sjmr-rials. Thus Thomas Middleton : 

*' They have stolen away a jewel in a silk riband of a hundred 



sent 



171 



sent jou with a cheese and a baked meat from jour mother, 
rid awaj amongst tlic rest. By which tragical, yet poli- 
tick speech, you may not only have your night-work done 
gratis ; but also you may take diet there the next day, 
and depart with credit, only upon the bare word of a 
gentleman to make her restitution. 

All the way as you pass, especially being approached 
near some of the gates, talk of none but lords, and such 
ladies with whom you have played at primero, or danced 
in the presence the very same day ; it is a chance to lock 
up the lips of an ^inquisitive belman : and, being arrived 
at your lodging door, which I would counsel you to chuse 
in some rich citizen's house^ salute at parting no man 
<F3)(38jbut by the name of " sir," H as though you had supped 

" pound price, besides some hundred pounds in fair spiir^roi/als." 

A MAD Would, my Masteks, A. 2. 
And thus Jasper Mayne : 

" Had I in all the world but forty mark, 
*' And that got by my needle and making socks ; 
*' And were that forty mark, mil-sixpences, 
" Spur.roj/als, Harry-groats, or such odd coin 
" Of husbandry, &c." 

City-Match, A. 2, S. 5. 

» inquisitive belman.] Watchman. The watch, in addition to 
their bills or staves, had a bell to give the alarm ; as they now have a, 
rattle, which perhaps was not invented when Decker wrote. 

witb 



172 

.m 

with knights ; albeit jou had none in your company but 
''your perinado, or 'your inghle. 

^ 1/our pcrinado.] This word were perhaps more properly written 
pironado ; if, as I conjecture, it be derived from pironare^ " to lay 
" hold of an eating fork, to enfork." Sec Florio's Italian Dic- 
tionari/. Pironado would then seem to mean one zcho seeks to stick 
his fork in other people''s meat, a dinner-hunter. 

' ijour inghle.] Ingle, enghle, or engle, might, as to its general 
acceptation, be interpreted minion. Minshieu, and Skinner deduce 
it from inguen, and give it the same disgusting signification as does 
Bailey'' s Dictionary, where it is derived from ignis, and called a 
North-country word implying Jire. Ben Jonson, who uses the word 
frequently, in one instance rather seems to confirm such accepta- 
tien : 

'•' What between his mistress abroad, and his e7!gle at home, high 
*' fare, soft lodging, fine clothes, and his fiddle; he thinks the 
*' hours have no wings, or the day no posthorse." 

Epiccene, a. 1, S. 1. 

See the Prologue to his Cyjithiu's Revels ; and The Case is altered, 
A. 3, S. 1. 

He -would also seem to use the Avord enghle, as a verb, in the same 
metaphorical sense we sometimes use the word angle : 

" I'll presently go, and enghle some broker for a poet's gown, 
*' and bespeak a garland." 

Poetaster, A. 2, S. 2. 

Massinger uses the Avord as companion, in his City-Madam, A. 4 
S. 1 ; in a note to which, Mr. Gifford, his late editor, informs us, 
that ingle and engle, which commentators sometimes confound, differ 
from each other altogether, both in derivation and meaning ; but he 

Happily 



173 

Happily it will be blown abroad, that you and your 
shoal of gallants swum through such an ocean of wine, 
that you danced so much money out at heels, and that 
in wild-fowl there flew away thus much ; and I assure 
you, to have the bill of your reckoning lost on purpose, 
so that it may be published, will make you to be held in 
dear estimation: only the danger is, if you owe money, 
and that your revealing gets your creditors by the ears; 
for then, look to have a peal of ordnance thundering at 
your chamber-door the next morning. But if either your 
tailor, mercer, haberdasher, silkman, ^cutter, linen-dra- 

neither tells us in what the difference consists, nor his authority for 
the assertion. 

In Earle's Microcosmography (Bliss's edition) it has the signifi* 
cation of a hanger-on, a toad-eater to noblesse, or what (in the 
tinlversity cant) is called a tuft.hunter ; in which sense it associates 
Tery well with pironado. 

In Decker's Saliromastix^ Horace is constantly called ningle by 
his friend Asiniiis Bubo : a word, I presume, of the same import 
with inghle. 

8 cutter.] This word evidently would intend some fashion-framer 
in apparel. I once thought it might be a misprint, in the original, 
for cutler ; one, of whom the gallant bought his rapiers, spurs, and 
such gear. But, casting my eye accidentally over the works of Joha 
Taylor, the water-poet, I found the same word occur in the follow- 
ing passage : " Pride is the maintainer of thousands, which would 
" else perish ; as mercers, tailors, embroiderers, silk-men, cutters^ 
c< drawers, semsters, laundresses ; of which functions there are 

per. 



174 



per, or semster, si and like a guard of Switzers about your 
lodging, watching your uprising, or, if they miss of that, 
your downlying in one of the "Counters ; you have no 
means to avoid the galling of their small-shot than by 
sending out a light-horseman to call your apothecary 
to your aid, who, encountering this desperate band of 
your creditors only with '"two or three glasses in his hand, 
as though that day you purged, is able to drive them 

*' millions which would starve, but for madam Pride with her change- 
" able fashions." 

A Discovery by Sea, from London to Salisbury. 

' Counters.] Poultry^ and Wood Street. 

^° tzoo or three glasses in his hand, <^c.] The wholesome discipline 
of a cathartick would appear to have been, in former days, a more 
complex business than at present, and requiring more immediate 
medical attcnJance. Modern practitioners, so dosing their patients, 
consider that their visits, during the operation, would be inconvenient 
as well as indecorous. The glasses intended were possibly Mr2«a/5 ; 
for, in Decker's day, the judging of diseases by the urine was in its 
highest vogue. The apothecary, I imagine, from frequent examina- 
tion of the urine, during the operation of his medicine, fancied he 
ascertained more critically the nature of the disease got rid of thereby. 

It would seem, this medical subterfuge to avoid seeing a creditor 
was in those days by no means uncommon. Witness Ben Jonson : 

*' He is not lightly within to his mercer; no, though he come 
^' yihcnhc takes phi/sick, which is commonly after his play." 

CyNXiHA's Revels, A; 2, S. 3. 

all 



\r6 



all to iheir holes like so rnanj foxes : for the name of 
taking phjsick is a sufficient quietus est to any endangered 
gentleman, and gives an acquittance, for the time, to 
them all ; though tlic twelve companies stand with their 
hoods to attend jour coming forth, and their oflicers with 
them. 

I could now fetch you about noon, the hour which I 
prescribed you before to rise at, out of your chamber, 
and carry you with me into Paul's churchyard ; where, 
planting yourself "in a stationer's shop, many instructions 
are to be given you, what books to call for, how to cen- 
sure of new books, how to mew at the old, how to look 
in your tables and inquire for such and such Greek, 
French, Italian, or Spanish authors, whose names you 
have there, but whom your mother for pity would not 
give you so much wit as to understand. From thence 
you should blow yourself into the tobacco-ordinary, where 
you are likewise to spend your judgment, like a quack- 

'1 in a stationer's shop.] Shop.lounging appears to have been a 
fashionable morning practice with the gallant of Decker's day, as it 
is with the present Bond street idler. Apothecaries'' shops, as well as 
stationers'' and others, seem then to hare been much frequented, per- 
haps to purchase curious and choice tobacco ; as apothecaries were its 
venders. See a note at Page 119. For our author, in his English Vil- 
lanies, Sjc. 1638, speaking of the Gull, says: " Some (scouts) lie 
" ill ambush, to note what apothecary' s shop he resorts to every 
" morning, or in what tobaccoshop in Fleet street he takes a pipe 
" of smoke in the afternoon." 

z salver 



176 



salver^ upon that mystical wonder ; to be able to discourse 

'"whether your cane or your pudding be sweetest, and 

which pipe has the best bore, *^and which burns black, 

(39; which breaks in the burning, II &c. Or, if you itch to 

1- uhelher your cane or your pudding be si!:eetest'\ Different kinds 
of tobacco, made up for use. "the pudding \% before mentioned in the 
Procemium, The cane would seem to have been a very expensive form 
of this article, from the following passage in the Merry Devil of 
Edmonton : 

" The nostrils of his chimnies are still stuff 'd 
" With smoke, more chargeable than cane-tobacco.'''' 
I should doubt, if it were not something similar io that form of 
tobacco we now ca.l\ pig~tail. 

13 and which burns black.] At this day the Germans, I am told, 
highly esteem those tobacco-pipes which they manufacture of a species 
of earth, of the magnesious genus combined with silex, denominated 
meerschaum ; the spuma maris, ecume de mer, and keffekill of mine- 
ralogists : its native hue is a yellowish white, it is soapy to the 
touch, and readily hardens in the fire. See Kirwan, and other writers, 
on the subject. As these pipes are smoked with, they assume by 
decrees a deep brown. A meerschaum pipe nearly black with smok- 
intf is considered a treasure, and has sometimes cost to the amount 
of fifty guineas. Some of the Dutch pipes, in like manner, have 
increased in value, as they became darker with use. This change of 
colour arises from an exudation of the essential oil of the tobacco. 
When first subject to the ignited weed they sweat very much, and then 
be^in to turn brown. A fictitious earth has been frequently employed 
in lieu of the real meerschaum, sophisticated with wax which oozes 
out by heat; but pipes fabricated of such material will never darken 
as they ouglit. 

step 



177 



fefep Into tlie barber's ; "a whole dictionary cannot afiord 
more words to set down notes what dialogues you are 
to maintain, whilst you are doctor of tlic chair there. 
After your shaving, I could '*breathcyo»j in a fence-school, 
and out of that cudgel you into a dancingschool ; in both 
which I could weary you, by shewing you "^rnore tricks 

'* a whole dictionary, &c.] The (heme of tobacco is kg inexhaus- 
tible, that it will afford you more words, than a wliolc dicliomiry can, 
to keep up conversation, while you occupy the shaving chair. 

^^ breathe jjou in a fence-school.] This was the current phrase 
of the time, rather than fenciiigschoul. So Shakspcarc : 

" I bruised my skin the other day with playing at sword and 
'' dagger with a master of /c/»ce." 

Meruy Wives of Wixdsou, A. 1, S. 1. 

Mr. Steevens informs us, that, in these schools, there were three 
degrees taken, the scholar's, the provost's, and the master's : for each 
of which a prize was played, as literary exercises arc performed at 
universities. 

*^ more tricks than are in Jive galleries, or fijteen prizes.] The 
waggeries, and/im going on among the gallery-gods, at the theatre, 
I presume are intended ; and the (ricks and stratagems among jirize- 
Jighters, to which our author has before alluded, in Chap. 6, Page 146 : 
" You may win or lose, as fencers do in a pri~e, and beat one another 
" by confederacy." Or, the galleries may refer to the dancingschools, 
thea so much in vogue ; w here many dexterities, and feats of agility 
were practised. A learned friend suggests, those books might be 
alluded to, which were called Galleries of Devices, and of Inventions ; 
■wherein are given all kinds of dicks on cards, and legerdemain. 

than 



178 



than are in five galleries^ or fifteen prizes, And^ to close 
up the stomach of this feast, I could make cockneys^ 
whose fathers have left them well, acknowledge themselves 
infinitely beholden to me, for teaching them by familiar 
demonstration how to spend their patrimony ; and to get 
themselves names, when their fathers are dead and rotten. 
But, lest too many dishes should cast you into a surfeit, I 
will now take away ; yet so that, if I perceive you relish 
this well, the rest shall be in time prepared for you. 
Farewell, 



FINIS, 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



©l0S0orial f ntie^ 



Anthropometamorphosis J. Bul- 
wer's. Page 7, 40,70. 

Apothecaries sold tobacco, and 
Tiiines. 119, 120, 175. 

Apple-squires. 33. 

Arbuscula, a Roman actress. 
140. 

Arcadian gentlewomen. 149' 

Archery. 84. 

Arches of the ruff. 4 1 . 

Arrows of archers. 84. 

B distinguish from a battledoor. 

23. 
Baboons, or babions. 69- 
Bale of dice. 125. 



Bankes's horse. 104. 
Barbaria. 91. 
Bastome. 143. 
Battledoor. 23. 
Beard red. 147- 

stuffing breeches, and ten* 

nis-balls. 126. 
Beast breath of the great. 131. 

of many heads. 124. 

Begged for a concealment. 5 1. 

Belly hath no ears. 128. 

Belman. 171. 

Bias, philosopher. 21. 

Bills brown, staves. 25, 39, l69. 

Birchin, or Birchover'slane, 37. 

Block, hat. 94, 101. 

Blue 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Blue cases. l68. 

Bombast. 86. 

Boot-hose fringed. 76. 

Boot ruffled. 13. 

Boots lugged. 77- 

Boys, actors. 140. 

Brainpan. 24. 

Brandon Gregory, hangman. 58. 

Bravery, finery. 70, 83. 

Breeches K. Stephen's. 38. 

bombasted, or stuft'ed, 

86, 126. 
Brides with long hair. 85. 
Bullions blistered. 39. 
Bush natural. 81. 
Butter-box's noul. 87- 
Butts publick. 84* 

Cales voyage. 111. 

Camel Holden's. 104. 

Candied /or candid. 57. 

Cane, tobacco. 176. 

Cans for drinking hooped. 28. 

Cast, to dismiss, S^c. 28. 

Casting away a leg. 64. 



Chain of gold. 152. 

Charm, so7ig, to sing, to tune, or 

attune. 31. 
Chimney Indian. 79- 
Chinese plays. 56. 
Chitterling of the shirt. 90. 
Clarke Will. 93. 
Cleft to the shoulders. 165. 
Clock, watch so called. 107. 
Coat with four elbows. 13. 
CocAGNE pays de. 143. 
Cock Plato's. 67. 
Cockatrice. 145, 155, 159. 
Codpiece blistered. 39- 
CCELUM PETIMUS STULTITIA. 

14. 
College of criticks. 15, 123. 
Collar standing. 41. 
CoUegiates. 123. 
Coniplemental. 94. 
Complimental courtesy. 15. 
Concealment. 5 1 . 
Conjurer in hogsheads. 155. 
Conycatchers. 51. 
Counters. 143, 154, 174. 

Courtesy 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Courtesy of llic cellar. 104. 
Crookcs his ordinary. 44. 
Crost, not indebted. 98. 
GuccAGNA. 14.5. 
Cuckoo in June. 1 1. 

naked in cliristmas. G?. 

Cutter. 173. 

Cyprus, or cipers. 100, \bi,. 

Daggers, forks, or voiding knives 

43. 
Dancingschool. 155, 177. 
Danish rowsa. 264 

sleeve. 40. 

Dawcock. 14 1. 
Dedekind Frederick. 4. 



quoted. 56, 



63, 64, 73, 82, 83. 
Derick the hangman. 58. 

DiACATHOLICON AUREUM. 52, 

Diogenes, philosopher. 67. 
Disimparks, or disparks. 81. 
Dog, to stick close. 99. 
Dorpes. 38. 



Dove rough-footed. 76. 

Draught, « ^my. 121. 

Drum Dutch crier's. 20. 

Dumb show. 56. 

Dun, hangman, 55. 

Dunstical. 25, 32. 

Dutchman samervitli German. 7. 

Ebritians, 6"3. 

EcuME DE MER pipe. 176. 
Element of drink. 158. 
Endymion his sleep. 6l. 
Equinoctial of the saltcellar. 127. 
Estrich feathered. 136. 
Euphuesed gentlewomen. 150, 
Exhibition, income. 125. 
Eye of the element. 62. 

Factors. 131. 
Fan-haudles. 89. 
Fan of feathers. 89. 
Fashionate. 94- 
Fashions, or farcin. 42, 101. 
Faunus, 25. 



Feathers. 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



l^eathers. 83. 
Fencers. 51. 
Fence-school. 177. 
Fencingschool. 1.54. 
Fight by the book. 93. 
Finger wet. l60. 
Flapdragons. 28. 
Fool Away with the ! 18, 142. 
Fool's coat. 12. 
Fork silver. 44. 
Fortifications in pastry. 42. 
France. See Tennis-court. 
Freezeland for Friesland. 66. 
French lord. 122, 151. 
Frets no nuisick without. 148. 
Frill of the shirt. 90, 

Galleries penny. 32. 

tricks in. 177. 

Gallery-commoner. 132. 
Galligaskin, 39- 
Gallonius's table. 36. 
Galloway nag. 109- 
Gamut. 15. 



Garters broad. 9^. 
Gates new-painted. 79- 
Gear. 50. 

Gilded, gelded or gelt, i. e, taxed, 
tributar I], amerced. 115. 

Girder. 138* 

Girds. 18. 

Glibbed. 88. 

Gloves, 28. 

Gotham. 78. 

Grave Maurice. 112. 

Great, indebted. 37, 98, 

Grobianism. 4. 

Grobians. 7- 

Ground eaten bare with the ar- 
rows of archers. 84. 

Groundling. 132. 

Gull-groper, or money-mongef. 
108, 

Gulls, passim. 

Hair long. 83, 8(5, 88. 

short. 83. 

Handful high. 42. 
Handkerchief wrought. 98. 

Hannibal 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Hannibal his passage over the 

Alps. 19. 
Hatten's mole. 47» 
Hazard, ga/ne. 125. 
Healths. 28, 113. 
Hemlock. 19. 
Hems. 39- 
Hieroglj'phick. 29. 
Hippocrates. 59. 
Hobby Irish. 93. 
Hoops. 28. 
Horn unicorn's. 68. 
Horns slip, to unyoke. l64. 
Horse Bankes's, Marocco. 104. 
Horseboy Irish. 93. 
Hose Scotch. 92. 
Housekeeping. 107, 163. 
Humphrey's D. tomb. 99. 
walk. 101. 

Inghle, or enghle. 172. 
Inventory of the kitchen. 156. 
Irishman. 88, 
Islanders. 94. 
Island voyage. 112. 



Jacks Paul's, or o' th' clock- 
house. 96- 

Jades, horses. 84. 

Jennet Spanish. 1 10. 

Jet. 13. 

John in Paul's churchyard, hatter, 
94. 

Keffekill pipe. 176. 
Kelly Edward, philosopher. 17. 
Kemp William, actor. 24. 
Ketch John, hangman, 58. 
Knaves the four, at cards. I46. 
Knife poignard, or dagger, 110, 

voiding. 44. 

Kvnock S. 113. 

Ladle for the cold snuflf. 1 19, 

Leaf, tobacco. 31. 

Leg to cast away, or make a. 64. 

Lin, leave of, cease. 144. 

Lobs. 25. 

Log serving-man's. 95. 

Lords' room, stage-box, 134. 

Love-lock. 86, 137. 

Lubberland. 145. 

Maecen-asses. 



GLOSSORIAIi INDEX. 



Mpec en-asses. 1. 
Malecontent. 7-4. 
Mandilions. 69. 
Marocco. 104. 
Martin S. 76. 
Mediterranean isle. 94. 
Meerschaum pipe. 176. 
Miniicks. 148. 
Mingle-mangle. 52. 
Mist language. 158. 
Mole on the cheek. 47- 
Momes. 33. 
IVfomon. 33. 
Month's mind. ^2. 
Moorditch. 48. 
Moorfields. 48- 
Morning's frosty fingers. 71- 

Motions, in smtff-taking, also 

imppet-shozvs . 120. 
Motley. 12. 
Mows. 84. 
Mull Scotch. 119. 
Mullineux his globe. 46. 
Mum. 33. 
Muskcats. 16. 



Navis stultifera. 20. 
Nightingales' tongues, and rumps, 

37. 

Ostrich feather. 136. 
Ostriches' brains. 37. 
Oyster-wife. 65. 

Painted tablemen. I6. 
Painted-cloth rhymes. 57. 
Pair of cards. 125. 
Paradise of fools. 144. 
Paris Garden. 46. 
Parmizant. 27- 
Parrot. 20. 

Pasquil, or Pasquin. 49. 
Passport of the house, money. 

159. 
Pater familias. 163. 

Paul's St. cathedral. Chap. 4, 
passim. 

, or Powle's walk. ?, 95- 

Peacocks' tongues. 37. 
Peg for a pot of porter. SO. 
Perfumes immoderate use of. 18. 
Perinado. 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Peilnado, or pironado. 172. 
Persian, or Parisian lock. 137. 
Piers Ploughman. 4i 
Pimonists. See Timonists. 
Pironado. 172. 
Pitchfork silver. 44. 
Plato's cock. 67. 
Playhouse private. 133. 
Play-speeches. 21. 
Play-scraps. 149. 
Poignard, HO. 
Polypragmonists. 18. 
Popinjay. 21. 
Portugal voyage. 111. 
Pottle of wine. 159. 
Present, represent. 141. 
Prick song. 71. 
T'nma\ista, game. 125. 
Primero, game, 125, 171. 
Prining-iron. 119- 
Prizes tricks in. 178. 
Profess. 30. 

'Padding, tobacco. 31, II9, 176. 
Pumps. See Soles. 



Puritan. 83. 

Putting up dear pays. 156. 

Pyrrhonists. 53. 

Quat. 151. 
Quoit. 100, 

Rabatos stiffnecked. 41. 

Rails rotten of St. Paul's steeple. 

103. 
Rapier. 110. 
Rashers o' ih' coals. 29- 
Rifling. lG5. 

Ring, in snuff -taking. 120. 
Rowsa Danish. 26. 
Ruffs dajdalian. 41. 
Ruffianly, lascivious, effeminate. 

1S8. 

Ruffle of the boot. 13. 
Rushes. 135. 

Salads. 92, 156. 
Salerne university of. 57. 
Saltcellar. 12?. 

Satin 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Satin, imt also for its zoearers. 

135, 165. 
ScHOLA Salernitana. 57. 
Scissors puritanical pair of. 83. 
Sconce. 78. 
Sergeants. 110. 
Seven wise masters. 13. 
Sharers. 135, 149. 
Shaving, defrmiding. 166. 
Ship of Fools. 20, 
Shoeing-horns. 29. 
Shot, or scot. 1-62. 
Sidney Sir Philip his epitapli. 106 
Singer John, actor. 24. 
Si quis. 102. 
Skelder. 129- 
^kill, to matter or import, used 

impersonally. 98, 146, I69 
Skinker. 26. 
Sleeve Danish. 40. 
Slip horns, to unyoke. l64. 
Slop Spanish. 39- 
Snake-proof. 19. 
Sneefhing mill. 1 19. 



Soles simple, and single. 49, 

Sound, or sounding, before a 
play. 146. 

Sommer Will. 14. 
Spuma MARIS pipe. 176, 
Spur-money. 100. 
Spur-rials. 170. 
Starch. 41, 

State, throne, canopy. 136, 
Stirring meat. I57. 
Stoop of rhenish. 27- 
Strawling. 77. 
Strosser. 41. 

Suits at law, and court soligitsi-. 

tions. 1 14. 
Suppertasses of the ruflf. 41, 
Switzer. 26, 40. 

Tablemen painted. I6. 

Tables, or tablebooks. 50, 101, 

175. 

Tailors hunt upon Sundays after 

weddings. l65. 

Tarleton Richard, actor. 24. 

Tennis-court. IJfi. 

Term* 



GLOSSORIAL INDEX. 



Terms, periods of puhlicatlon. 3. 
Testers to lend in Paul's. 123. 
Teston, 143. 
Thatching of hair. 80. 
Thriim'd cap, 88. 

Ticket, tick, tallij, score, trust. 
145. 

Timepleaser. 107- 
Timonists. 53. 
Tobacco. 17, S^ passim. 
Tomb D. Humphrey's. 99. 

Lord chancellor's. 10.5. 

Sir Philip Sidney's, 106. 

Tooting. 59- 
Totalis. i63. 
Trenchers. 45. 
Trinidado roll, tobacco. 31. 
Tripos. 143. 
Trosser. 40. 
Truckle-bed. 23. 
Trumpets at a play. 143. 
Trussing. 92. 
Tuft-hunter. 173- 
Twelvepenny room. 18. 



Unicorn. 08. 
Untrnss. 92. 
Upsy-freeze. 26. 

Urinal. 60, 174- 

Vascones. 39- 
Vaunt-couriers. 65. 
Vicarages gilded. 115. 5ee gilded. 
Virginals pair of, 72. 
Vomitingly. 1 \Q. 

Water-closet. 122. 

We three. 139. 

Wet finger. l60. 

Whiff, in snuff-taking. 120. 

Wines, sold at apothecaries. 120. 

sweet. 120. 

Wise men of Gotham. 77' 
Wood-karne. 88. 
Woodcocks. 25, 67, 121. 
Woodroflfe Kit. 103. 

Yvivd of the theatre. 142. 



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